Anonymous

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    <title>Anonymous</title>
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      <timestamp>2026-07-10T18:14:34Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Ficaia</username>
        <id>3085955</id>
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      <text bytes="37296" sha1="ghbh9bf299roay0nru0znr51xk5zgcs" xml:space="preserve">{{Distinguish|Anonymity|Anonymous (group)}}
[[File:Albert-L-Pollins-1.jpg|thumb|''[[Illegitimi non carborundum]]'' is a famous anonymous saying]]
'''[[w:Anonymous|Anonymous]]''' is the adjective form of [[anonymity]] derived from the [[w:Koine Greek|Greek]] word '''ἀνωνυμία''', ''anonymia'', meaning &quot;without a [[name]]&quot; or &quot;namelessness.&quot; It commonly refers to the state of an individual's personal identity, or personally identifiable information, being publicly unknown, intentionally or unintentionally. This article is for famous or notable quotes whose author is unknown.

== Quotes ==

=== English ===

==== Old English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Beowulf]]'''''
::'''''[[Anglo-Saxon Chronicle]]'''''
::'''''[[The Battle of Maldon]]'''''
::'''''[[The Ruin]]'''''
::'''''[[The Seafarer (poem)|The Seafarer]]'''''
::'''''[[The Wanderer (poem)|The Wanderer]]'''''
::'''''[[Maxims (Old English poems)|Maxims]]'''''

==== Middle English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Cursor Mundi]]'''''
::'''''[[Everyman (play)|Everyman]]'''''
::'''''[[The Babees Book]]'''''
::'''''[[The Cloud of Unknowing]]'''''

* ''Blow, northerne wynd,&lt;br&gt;Sent thou me my suetyng!&lt;br&gt;Blow, northerne wynd,&lt;br&gt;Blou! Blou! Blou!''
** Harley MS. 2253 ([[Harley Lyrics]], art. 46; ed. Susanna Fein, 2015) 

* ''Bothe lered and lewed, olde and yonge, &lt;br&gt; Alle understonden English tonge.''
** ''{{w|Speculum Vitae}}'' ('Mirror of Life'; late 14th cent.) l. 77

* ''Evyl weed ys sone y growe.''
** [[w:Harleian Library|Harley MS]]. 1490; reported in ''Hoyt's'' (1922) p. 867

* ''For I muste to the grene wode goo, alone a bannysshed man.''
** For I must to the green-wood go, &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Alone, a banished man.	
** &quot;The Nut-Brown Maid&quot; (1502), st. 5, [[w:Oxford Book of English Verse|''OBEV'']] (1939)

* ''For in my mynde, of all mankynde I loue but you allon.''
** For, in my mind, of all mankind &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; I love but you alone.	
** &quot;[[w:The Nut-Brown Maid|The Nut-Brown Maid]]&quot; (1502), st. 4, ''OBEV'' (1939)

* ''Foweles in the frith,&lt;br&gt;The fisses in the flod,&lt;br&gt;And I mon waxe wod;&lt;br&gt;Mulch sorwe I walke with&lt;br&gt;For best of bon and blod.''
** &quot;[[w:Foweles in the frith|Fowels in the Frith]]&quot; (13th cent.), E. K. Chambers and F. Sidgwick (eds.) ''Early English Lyrics, Amorous, Divine, Moral and Trivial'' (&lt;!--London: A. H. Bullen, --&gt;1907) p. 5 &lt;!-- MS. Douce 139, f.5r --&gt;

* ''Ich am of Irlaunde,&lt;br&gt;Ant of the holy londe&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Of Irlande.&lt;br&gt;Gode sire, pray ich the,&lt;br&gt;For of saynte charité,&lt;br&gt;Come ant daunce wyth me&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;In Irlaunde.''
** &quot;[[w:Ich am of Irlaunde|The Irish Dancer]]&quot; (14th cent.), ''OBEV'' (1939)

* ''I wold not be in a folis paradyce.'' 
** I would not be in a fool's paradise.
** ''[[Paston Letters]]'', no. 562 (July 1462) ed. James Gairdner (1904) vol. 4

* ''Lever me were to lete mi liif,&lt;br&gt;Than thus to lese the quen mi wiif!''
** ''{{w|Sir Orfeo}}'' (early 14th cent.) l. 177, Kenneth Sisam (ed.) ''Fourteenth Century Verse and Prose'' (1921) p. 19

* ''O little booke, thou art so unconning, &lt;br&gt; How darst thou put thy-self in prees for drede?''
** ''[[w:The Floure and the Leafe|The Floure and the Leafe]]'' (c. 1470) l. 59. Formerly attributed to [[Chaucer]]

* ''Perle, pleasaunte to prynces paye&lt;br&gt;To clanly clos in golde so clere,&lt;br&gt;Oute of [[W:Orient|oryent]], I hardyly saye,&lt;br&gt;Ne proued I neuer her precios pere.''
** [[w:Pearl (poem)|''Pearl'']] (late 14th cent.) opening lines

* ''&quot;Say me, viit in the brom,&lt;br&gt;Teche me wou I sule don&lt;br&gt;That min hosebonde&lt;br&gt;Me lovien wolde.&quot;{{pb}}&quot;Hold thine tunke stille&lt;br&gt;And haw al thine wille.&quot;''
** &quot;Say Me, Wight in the Broom&quot; (c. 1300), Carleton Brown (ed.) ''English Lyrics of the XIIIth Century'' (1932) no. 21, p. 32 &lt;!-- T.C.C. MS. 323, f.28r. Cf. B.M. Addit. MS. 11579, f.29r --&gt;

* ''Sumer is icumen in,&lt;br&gt;Lhude sing cuccu!&lt;br&gt;Groweth sed, and bloweth med,&lt;br&gt;And springth the wude nu—&lt;br&gt;Sing cuccu!''
** &quot;{{w|Sumer is icumen in}}&quot; (13th cent.), ''OBEV'''' (1939)

* ''Were beth they biforen us weren,&lt;br&gt;Houndës ladden and hauekës beren,&lt;br&gt;And hadden feld and wodë?&lt;br&gt;The richë levedies in hoerë bour,&lt;br&gt;That wereden gold in hoerë tressour,&lt;br&gt;With hoerë brighttë rodë;{{pb}}Eten and drounken, and maden hem glad;&lt;br&gt;Hoere lif was al with gamen i-lad,&lt;br&gt;Men kneleden hem biforen;&lt;br&gt;They beren hem wel swithë heyë;&lt;br&gt;And in a twincling of an eyë&lt;br&gt;Hoere soulës weren forloren.''
** &quot;Ubi sunt qui ante nos fuerunt?&quot; (c. 1300), Carl Horstmann and F. J. Furnivall (eds.) ''The Minor Poems of the Vernon MS.'' (1901) vol. 2, p. 761 &lt;!-- MS. Digby 86, f.126v—27r --&gt;

* ''Westron wynde when wyll thow blow&lt;br&gt;The smalle rayne downe can rayne&lt;br&gt;Cryst yf my love were in my armys&lt;br&gt;And I yn my bed agayne.''
** O western wind, when wilt thou blow &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; That the small rain down can rain? &lt;br&gt; Christ, that my love were in my arms &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; And I in my bed again!
** &quot;[[w:Westron Wynde|The Lover in Winter Plaineth for the Spring]]&quot; (c. 1500), ''OBEV'' (1939)

==== Early Modern English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Border ballads]]'''''

* A crafty knave needs no broker.
** ''[[A Knack to Know a Knave|A Merry Knack to Know a Knave]]'' (ed. 1594) p. 33 (Honesty)

* A heavy purse makes a light heart.
** ''Wily Beguiled'' (c. 1602) l. 1
**:&lt;small&gt;Cf. Ben Jonson, ''The New Inn'', act 1, sc. 1 (Host)&lt;/small&gt;

* A right woman — either love like an angel, &lt;br&gt; Or hate like a devil — in extremes to dwell.
** ''The Rare Triumphs of Love and Fortune'' (1589) act 1 (Penulo)

* And let all women strive to be &lt;br&gt; As constant as Penelope.
** ''A Looking-glass for Ladies, or A Mirrour for Married Women'' (c. 1674-79) st. 18, last lines &lt;!-- Also in Percy's ''Reliques'' --&gt;

* Any food, any feeding,&lt;br&gt;Feeding, drink, or clothing;&lt;br&gt;Come dame or maid, be not afraid,&lt;br&gt;Poor Tom will injure nothing.
** &quot;[[w:Tom o' Bedlam|Tom o' Bedlam]]&quot; (c. 1615) refrain

* April is in my mistress' face, &lt;br&gt; And July in her eyes hath place; &lt;br&gt; Within her bosom is September, &lt;br&gt; But in her heart a cold December.
** &quot;April Is in My Mistress' Face&quot;, in Thomas Morley, ''Madrigals to Four Voices'' (1594) &lt;!-- Cf. Robert Greene, ''Perimedes the Blacksmith'' (1588): &quot;Fair is my love for April’s in her face.&quot; --&gt;

* Break her betimes, and bring her under by force,&lt;br&gt;Or else the grey mare will be the better horse.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 2, sc. 1 (Will)

* But he that takes not such time, while he may,&lt;br&gt;Shall leap at a whiting, when time is away.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 4, sc. 1 (Will)

* Eternal vigilance is the price we pay for liberty.
** Earliest known publication in the (Bennington) ''Vermont Gazette'' (8 July 1817) p. 2. Later misattributed to [[Thomas Jefferson]]. Reported in Anna Berkes, [https://www.monticello.org/encyclopedia/eternal-vigilance-price-liberty-spurious-quota &quot;Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty (Spurious Quotation)&quot;], monticello.org (11 August 2010)

* For he that leaps, before he look, good son,&lt;br&gt;May leap in the mire, and miss what he hath done.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 4, sc. 1 (Wit)

* From the hag and hungry goblin&lt;br&gt;That into rags would rend ye,&lt;br&gt;The spirit that stands by the naked man&lt;br&gt;In the Book of Moons defend ye.
** &quot;Tom o' Bedlam&quot; (c. 1615) st. 1

* God be in my head,&lt;br&gt;And in my understanding,{{pb}}God be in my eyes,&lt;br&gt;And in my looking,{{pb}}God be in my mouth,&lt;br&gt;And in my speaking,{{pb}}God be in my heart,&lt;br&gt;And in my thinking,{{pb}}God be at my end,&lt;br&gt;And at my departing.
** ''Sarum Primer'' (1558)

* Greensleeves was all my joy,&lt;br&gt;Greensleeves was my delight:&lt;br&gt;Greensleeves was my heart of gold,&lt;br&gt;And who but my lady Greensleeves.
** &quot;[[w:Greensleeves|Greensleeves]]&quot;, refrain, in ''A Handful of Pleasant Delights'' (1584; [[s:A Handful of Pleasant Delights/A new Courtly Sonet, of the Lady Greensleeves|ed.]] Edward Arber, 1878)

* Ground me no grounds.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 2, sc. 1 (Will)
**:&lt;small&gt;Cf. [[John Redford]], ''The Play of Wit and Science''&lt;/small&gt;

* He is but a fool that, when all fails, cannot live upon his wit.
** ''A Merry Knack to Know a Knave'' (ed. 1594) p. 32 (Coneycatcher)

* He's best at ease that meddleth least.
** ''[[Fair Em]]'' (1590s) act 3, sc. 17, l. 1383 (Manville)&lt;!--As cited in P. H. Dalbiac (ed.) ''Dictionary Of Quotations: English'' (1896) pp. 98, 154--&gt;

* I had need of a long spoon, now I go to eat with the devil.
** ''[[Grim the Collier of Croydon|Grim, the Collier of Croydon]]'' (1662) act 5, sc. 1 (Grim)

* I know more than Apollo,&lt;br&gt;For oft, when he lies sleeping&lt;br&gt;I see the stars at bloody wars&lt;br&gt;In the wounded welkin weeping.
** &quot;Tom o' Bedlam&quot; (c. 1615) st. 6

* (I would topple with ye &lt;br&gt; And) pluck a good crow.
** ''The History of Jacob and Esau'' (c. 1558) act 2, sc. 2 (Ragan)&lt;!--As cited in P. H. Dalbiac (ed.) ''Dictionary Of Quotations: English'' (1896) p. 209--&gt;

* It's pride that puts this country down: &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Man, take thy old cloak about thee!		
** &quot;The Old Cloak&quot;, st. 7, ''OBEV'' (1939)

* Kill then, and bliss me, &lt;br&gt; But first come, kiss me.
** &quot;Dainty Fine Sweet Nymph Delightful&quot;, in Thomas Morley, ''The First Book of Ballets to Five Voices'' (1595) &lt;!-- E. H. Fellowes (ed.) ''English Madrigal Verse 1588-1632'' (1820) p. 133 --&gt;

* King Stephen was a worthy peer; &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; His breeches cost him but a crown.
** &quot;The Old Cloak&quot;, st. 7, ''OBEV'' (1939)

* Love me little, love me long, &lt;br&gt; Is the burden of my song.
** &quot;Love Me Little, Love Me Long&quot; (1569–70) l. 1&lt;!-- Text from Charles Mackay (ed.) ''The Book of English Songs'' (1851) p. 22 --&gt;

* &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Love, that covers multitude of sins, &lt;br&gt; Makes love in parents wink at children’s faults.
** ''Fair Em'' (1590s) act 3, sc. 17, l. 1270 (Zeveno)

* More haste than good speed makes many fare the worse.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 4, sc. 1 (Wit)

* No burial these&lt;!-- two--&gt; pretty babes &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Of any man receives &lt;br&gt; Till Robin Redbreast painfully&lt;!--or 'piously'--&gt; &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Did cover them with leaves.
** &quot;[[Babes in the Wood|Two Babes in the Wood]]&quot; (1595; [[s:Two babes in the wood, or, The Norfolk gentleman's last will and testament|ed.]] Glasgow: J. &amp; M. Robertson, 1802)

* The blinded boy that shootes so trim &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; From heaven downe did hie. &lt;!-- i.e. [[Cupid]] --&gt;
** &quot;[[w:The King and the Beggar-maid|King Cophetua and the Beggar-Maid]]&quot;, st. 2 ([[w:Internet Sacred Text Archive|ISTA]] [https://sacred-texts.com/neu/eng/boeb/boeb04.htm *])

* The devil cannot tie a woman's tongue.
** ''Grim, the Collier of Croydon'' (1662) act 2, sc. 1 (Castiliano)

* The gypsies, Snap and Pedro,&lt;br&gt;Are none of Tom's comradoes,&lt;br&gt;The punk I scorn and the cutpurse sworn,&lt;br&gt;And the roaring boy's bravadoes.&lt;br&gt;The meek, the white, the gentle&lt;br&gt;Me handle, touch, and spare not;&lt;br&gt;But those that cross Tom Rynosseros&lt;br&gt;Do what the panther dare not.
** &quot;Tom o' Bedlam&quot; (c. 1615) st. 7

* The moon's my constant mistress,&lt;br&gt;And the lowly owl my marrow;&lt;br&gt;The flaming drake and the night crow make&lt;br&gt;Me music to my sorrow.
** &quot;Tom o' Bedlam&quot; (c. 1615) st. 4

* The sound is honey, but the sense is gall.
** ''Soliman and Perseda'' (1592–93) act 4 (Soliman)

* &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; They are no more like, &lt;br&gt; Than chalk is to cheese.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 5, sc. 1 (Science)

* 'Tis an ill wind that blows no man to profit.
** ''A Merry Knack to Know a Knave'' (ed. 1594) p. 32 (Coneycatcher)

* Virtue is the shoeing-horn of justice.
** [[Parnassus plays|''The Return from Parnassus: or, The Scourge of Simony'']] (1606) act 4, sc. 3 (Kemp)

* What poor astronomers are they, &lt;br&gt; Take women’s eyes for stars!
** &quot;Song&quot;, in John Dowland, ''The Third Book of Songs or Airs'' (1603) &lt;!-- W. S. Braithwaite (ed.) ''The Book of Elizabethan Verse'' (1907) --&gt;

* Who blurs fair paper with foul bastard rhymes,&lt;br&gt;Shall live full many an age in latter times:&lt;br&gt;Who makes a ballad for an alehouse door,&lt;br&gt;Shall live in future times for evermore.
** ''The Return from Parnassus: or, The Scourge of Simony'' (1606) act 1, sc. 2 (Judicio)

* Why, what is Love but Fortune’s tennis-ball?
** ''Soliman and Perseda'' (1592–93) act 1 (Fortune)

* With a host of furious fancies&lt;br&gt;Whereof I am commander,&lt;br&gt;With a burning spear and a horse of air,&lt;br&gt;To the wilderness I wander.&lt;br&gt;By a knight of ghosts and shadows&lt;br&gt;I summoned am to tourney&lt;br&gt;Ten leagues beyond the wide world's end:&lt;br&gt;Methinks it is no journey.
** &quot;Tom o' Bedlam&quot; (c. 1615) st. 8

==== Modern English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[English proverbs]]'''''
::'''''[[Junius|Letters of Junius]]'''''
::'''''[[The New England Primer|New England Primer]]'''''
::'''''[[Nursery rhymes]]'''''
::'''''[[Universal Declaration of Human Rights]]'''''

* A lie is an abomination unto the Lord, but a very present help in time of trouble.
** A &quot;school boy&quot;, quoted in [[w:The Living Church|''The Living Church'']] (2 September 1899) p. 394 &lt;!-- Misattributed to [[Desmond Tutu]] and [[Jomo Kenyatta]] --&gt;

* All that's fair must fade.
** &quot;The Emigrants&quot;, signed &quot;J. M.&quot;, in ''The Edinburgh Magazine and Literary Miscellany'', vol. 13 (Nov. 1823), p. 566

* Every animal is a dog if you try hard enough.
** In [https://www.newsweek.com/polar-bear-family-raft-1831932 &quot;Man Builds Water Raft for Polar Bear Family&quot;], ''Newsweek'' (4 Oct. 2023)

* Faster horses, older whiskey, younger women, and more money.
** Boast of the American West, attributed to railroad men who came to Texas in search of oil (late 19th or early 20th century); in Sally Helgesen, ''Wildcatters: A Story of Texans, Oil, and Money'' (1981) p. 29&lt;!-- Spanish translation in ''Il Piccolo di Trieste'' (11 May 1986) p. 3: &quot;''Cavalli più veloci, whisky più vecchio, ragazze più giovani. I tempi nuovi hanno aggiunto una quarta voce: più denaro.''&quot; --&gt;. Cf. [[Tom T. Hall]]

* From Ghoulies and Ghoosties, long-leggety Beasties, and Things that go Bump in the Night,&lt;br&gt;Good Lord, deliver us!
** &quot;Quaint Old Litany&quot;, in [[Alfred Noyes]], ''The Magic Casement'' (1908) p. viii

* If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.
** Quoted among the Extension of Remarks of Charles B. Rangel before the U.S. House of Representatives, 25 October 1973, in the ''Congressional Record'' (26 October 1973) p. 35189; also in [[Paul du Feu]], ''Let's Hear It for the Long-Legged Women'' (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1973) p. 65. Variant (&quot;you shouldn't&quot; instead of &quot;don't&quot;) quoted by Leo Aikman, &quot;You're Never Out of Reach&quot;, in ''The Atlanta Constitution'' (28 May 1957) p. 2

* In the year 1690, the same in which Ichabod Paddock was sent for from Cape Cod, ... some persons were on a high hill, afterwards called Folly House Hill, observing the whales spouting and sporting with each other, when one observed &quot;''there'',&quot; pointing to the sea, &quot;''is a green pasture where our children's grand-children will go for bread.''&quot;
** [[Obed Macy]], ''The History of Nantucket'' (Boston: Hilliard, Gray, and Co., 1835) p. 33 &lt;!-- Quoted in ''[[Moby-Dick]]'' (1851) Extracts (Supplied by a Sub-Sub-Librarian) --&gt;

* Keep a [[w:stiff upper lip|stiff upper lip]].
** ''New England Galaxy &amp; Masonic Magazine'', vol. 2, no. 89 (25 June 1819) p. 3, cols. 1–2
** See also: [[Phoebe Cary]]

* Love starts when you sink in his arms and ends with your arms in his sink.
** In ''The Shepherd College Picket'', [https://archive.org/details/picket1941-1943shepu/page/n189/mode/2up vol. 47] (November 9, 1943), p. 4

* [[w:May you live in interesting times|May you live in interesting times]].
** Quoted as a &quot;Chinese curse&quot;, in Hughe Knatchbull-Hugessen, ''Diplomat in Peace and War'' (John Murray, 1949) p. ix

* O Paddy dear, an’ did ye hear the news that’s goin’ round? &lt;br&gt; The shamrock is by law forbid to grow on Irish ground; &lt;br&gt; St. Patrick’s Day no more we’ll keep, his colour can’t be seen, &lt;br&gt; For there’s a cruel law agin the wearin’ o’ the Green.
** &quot;[[w:The Wearing of the Green|The Wearing of the Green]]&quot; (c. 1798) st. 1

* Old soldiers never die —&lt;br&gt;They simply&lt;!--or 'just', 'only'--&gt; fade away.
** &quot;[[w:Old soldiers never die|Old Soldiers Never Die]]&quot; (c. 1914–18) l. 4 &lt;!-- John Brophy and Eric Partridge, ''The Long Trail'' (1965) p. 59 --&gt;

[[File:Cruikshank - The Allied Bakers.png|thumb|Praise undeserv'd is [[satire]] in disguise. —Mr. Br----]]

* Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.
** In [[Daniel Dennett]], [[w:Breaking the Spell (Dennett book)|''Breaking the Spell'']] (US: Viking, 2006), p. 17&lt;!--{{ISBN|0-670-03472-X}}--&gt;

* Praise undeserv'd is [[satire]] in disguise.
** &quot;Epigram on a Certain Line of Mr. Br----, Author of a Copy of Verses, Call'd the British Beauties&quot;, in [[Lewis Theobald]] (ed.) ''The Grove; or, A Collection of Original Poems, Translations, &amp;c'' (1721), p. 294 [http://books.google.com/books?id=Y9kIAAAAQAAJ&amp;q=%22Praise%22+%22is+satire+in+disguise%22&amp;pg=PA294#v=onepage] [http://books.google.com/books?id=HnACAAAAQAAJ&amp;q=%22Praise+undeserv'd+is+scandal+in+disguise%22&amp;pg=PA118#v=onepage]

* Question everything; accept nothing without proof.
** In Elizabeth Janet Gray, [https://archive.org/details/anthologywithcom0000vini/page/38/mode/2up?q=%22Question+everything%2C+accept+nothing%22 ''Anthology with Comments''] (1942), p. 39&lt;!--Quoted by Ethan Skyler; used in 2002 in reference to Galileo, para. 9 [http://www.physicsnews1.com/article_9.html] ~ deadlink--&gt;

* Real [[Programming|programmers]] don't comment their code. If it was hard to write it should be hard to understand.
** Appeared in &quot;[[w:Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal|Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal]]&quot; (July 1983), but may or may not have been in existence beforehand

* Rebellion to tyrants [''or'' resistance to tyranny] is obedience to God. 
** Anglo-American maxim, variously attributed: see [[John Bradshaw (judge)|John Bradshaw]] and [[Simon Bradstreet]]

* Remember, remember! &lt;br&gt; The fifth of November, &lt;br&gt; The Gunpowder treason and plot; &lt;br&gt; I know of no reason &lt;br&gt; Why the Gunpowder treason &lt;br&gt; Should ever be forgot!
** &quot;[[w:Guy Fawkes Night|The Fifth of November]]&quot; (c. 1870), st. 1 (PotW.org [https://potw.org/archive/potw405.html *])

* Remember the Alamo!
** Common American war cry, invoking the [[w:Battle of the Alamo|Battle of the Alamo]] (6 March 1836)

* Send him victorious, &lt;br&gt; Happy and glorious, &lt;br&gt; Long to reign over us, &lt;br&gt; God save the king.
** &quot;[[w:God Save the King|A Song for Two Voices]]&quot; (1745) st. 1 &lt;!-- ''The Gentleman's Magazine'', vol. 15, no. 10 (October 1745) p. 552 --&gt;

* Some talk of Alexander, and some of Hercules; &lt;br&gt; Of Hector and Lysander, and such great names as these. &lt;br&gt; But of all the world's brave heroes, there's none that can compare, &lt;br&gt; With a tow, row row, row row, row row, to the British grenadier.
** &quot;[[w:The British Grenadiers|The British Grenadiers]]&quot; (c. 1750) st. 1 &lt;!--  J. C. Hutchieson (ed.)  ''Fugitive Poetry, 1600–1878'' (London: Frederick Warne and Co, 1878) --&gt;

* ''Te Deum Laudamus'' was up the Alcala sung:&lt;br&gt;Down from the Alhamra's minarets were all the crescents flung.
** &quot;The Flight from Granada&quot;, st. 1. Traditional ballad on the ''reconquista'' of [[w:Granada War|Granada]]. Translated by [[John Gibson Lockhart]], ''Ancient Spanish Ballads'' (Edinburgh: William Blackwood, 1823) p. 110 &lt;!-- &quot;There was crying in Granada when the sun was going down,/Some calling on the Trinity, some calling on Mahoun;/Here pass'd away the Koran, there in the Cross was borne,/And here was heard the Christian bell, and there the Moorish horn;//''Te Deum Laudamus'' was up the Alcala sung:/Down from the Alhamra's minarets were all the crescents flung;/The arms thereon of Arragon they with Castille's display;/One king comes in in triumph, one weeping goes away. --&gt;

* The '[[w:Almighty dollar|Almighty Dollar]]' is the only object of worship.
** In the Philadelphia [[w:Public Ledger (Philadelphia)|''Public Ledger'']] (2 December 1836); cited in ''Notes and Queries'', ser. 11, vol. 3 (11 Feb. 1911) p. 109

* The law locks up the man or woman&lt;br&gt;Who steals the goose from off the common;&lt;br&gt;But leaves the greater villain loose&lt;br&gt;Who steals the common from the goose.
** &quot;[[w:The Goose and the Common|The Goose and the Common]]&quot; (late 18th century), as quoted in [[Edward Potts Cheyney]], ''An Introduction to the Industrial and Social History of England'' (1901) ch. 8

* {{w|Scramble for Africa|The Scramble for Africa}} (''La Gribouillette pour Afrique'')
** European colonisation of Africa (1884–1916), used in ''Punch'' (20 Dec. 1884), p. 292, and in ''The Times'' (Nov. 1896)

* The two best days in a boat owner’s life are the day they buy a boat and the day they sell it.
** In [[Reuven Perlman]], [https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/the-best-days-of-a-boat-owners-life &quot;The Best Days of a Boat Owner's Life&quot;], ''The New Yorker'' (13 Jan. 2021) &lt;!-- Cf. [[Pseudo-Hipponax]] --&gt;

* There are 'quips and quillets' which seem actual conundrums, but yet are none. Of such is this: '[[w:Why did the chicken cross the road?|Why does a chicken cross the street?]]' Are you 'out of town?' Do you 'give it up?' Well, then: 'Because it wants to get on the other side!'
** In [[w:The Knickerbocker|''The Knickerbocker'']] (1847) p. 283

* There is no God, and X is His Prophet.
** Applied to {{w|Harriet Martineau}}, Henry G. Atkinson, [[William M. Tweed]], [[Robert G. Ingersoll]], [[Karl Marx]], [[Paul Dirac]], and others. See: [https://quoteinvestigator.com/2017/01/20/prophet/ &quot;Quote Origin: There Is No God, and Harriet Martineau Is His Prophet&quot;], ''{{w|Quote Investigator}}'' (January 20, 2017)

* [[w:Think globally, act locally|Think globally, act locally]].
** Attributed variously: to [[David Brower]], [[René Dubos]], and others (1960s)

* Tho' lost to sight, to memory dear.
** Inscription on a civic arch, for the procession of Lafayette through Lynn, MA, August 1824. ''A Sketch of the Tour of General Lafayette, on his Late Visit to the United States'' (Portland, ME, 1824) p. 120

* To the glorious, pious and Immortal Memory of King William III, who saved us from Rogues and Roguery, Slaves and Slavery, Knaves and Knavery, Popes and Popery, from brass money and wooden shoes; and who ever denies this Toast may he be slammed, crammed and jammed into the muzzle of the great gun of Athlone, and the gun fired into the Pope's Belly, and the Pope into the Devil's Belly, and the Devil into Hell, and the door locked and the key in an Orangeman's pocket; and may we never lack a Brisk Protestant Boy to kick the arse of a papist; and here's a fart for the Bishop of Cork!
** Toast of the Orangemen in Ulster on the anniversary of the [[w:battle of the Boyne|battle of the Boyne]]. Arthur Bryant, ''The Age of Elegance, 1812–1822'' (1950), ch. 8, p. 267 note &lt;!-- See also: ''Romany Rye'', 16-17, 400; Austen, 238; Bamford, I, 102; Castlereagh, X, 378; De Selincourt, II, 578; Lady Shelley, I, 252-3, 287, 351-2; Stanley, 191; Wilberforce, II, 322 --&gt;

* What is mind?—No matter.&lt;br&gt;What is matter?—Never mind.&lt;br&gt;What is spirit?—That's ''quite immaterial''.
** In ''Harper's New Monthly Magazine'', vol. 10, no. 56 (January 1855) p. 275. Variation of the first two lines in ''Punch'', vol. 29, no. 19 (14 July 1855) p. 19: &quot;What is Matter? — Never mind. / What is Mind? — No matter.&quot; (&quot;A Short Cut to Metaphysics&quot;). See also: [[Thomas Hewitt Key|T. H. Key]]. Compare: Byron, [[Don Juan (Byron)#Canto XI (1823)|''Don Juan'']], canto 11, st. 1

* Whatever you have to [[Language|say]], my friend,&lt;br&gt;Whether witty or grave or gay,&lt;br&gt;Condense as much as ever you can,&lt;br&gt;And say it the readiest way;&lt;br&gt;And whether you write of rural affairs&lt;br&gt;Or of matter and things in town,&lt;br&gt;Just take a word of friendly advice—&lt;br&gt;Boil it down.
** &quot;Boil it Down&quot;, in the [[w:Winnipeg Free Press|''Manitoba Free Press'']] (June 5, 1875)

* {{w|When the going gets tough, the tough get going}}.
** Attributed to [[Joseph P. Kennedy Sr.]] in J. H. Cutler, ''Honey Fitz'' (1962), p. 291. Also attributed to [[Knute Rockne]], and others

* When the white man came to South Africa he had the Bible and we had the land. Today they have the land and we have the Bible.
** A member of the Gamma Sigma Club in Johannesburg, as quoted in ''The Missionary Herald'' (May 1921), p. 181

=== Scots ===

* ''Quod God to the Helandman, Quhair wilt thow now?&lt;br&gt;I will doun in the Lawland, Lord, and thair steill a kow.''
** Quoth God to the Highlander, &quot;What will you now?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;I will down to the Lowland, Lord, and there steal a cow.&quot;
** &quot;[[w:How The First Helandman of God Was Maid|How The First Helandman of God Was Maid]]&quot;, fol. 163a (1898). Translated in Gordon Donaldson, ''Scotland: The Shaping of a Nation'' (Newton Abbot: David &amp; Charles, 1974) p. 155&lt;!-- ISBN 0 7153 6904 0 --&gt;. Compare: MacGregor, in [[Robert Lindsay of Pitscottie]]

=== French ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Aucassin and Nicolette|Aucassin et Nicolette]]'''''
::'''''[[The Song of Roland|La Chanson de Roland]]'''''
::'''''[[French proverbs]]'''''

* ''Au clair de la lune,&lt;br&gt;Mon ami Pierrot,&lt;br&gt;Prête-moi ta plume&lt;br&gt;Pour écrire un mot.&lt;br&gt;Ma chandelle est morte,&lt;br&gt;Je n'ai plus de feu.&lt;br&gt;Ouvre-moi ta porte&lt;br&gt;Pour l'amour de Dieu.''
** By the light of the moon,&lt;br&gt;My friend Pierrot,&lt;br&gt;Lend me your quill,&lt;br&gt;To write a word.&lt;br&gt;My candle is dead,&lt;br&gt;I have no more fire.&lt;br&gt;Open your door for me&lt;br&gt;For the love of God.
** &quot;[[w:Au clair de la lune|Au clair de la lune]]&quot;, st. 1 (18th cent.), in Henri Plon (ed.) ''Chants et Chansons populaires de la France'' (1858) pp. 16–17

* ''Bons fut li siecles al tens ancienor, &lt;br&gt; Quer feit i ert e justise et amor, &lt;br&gt; Si ert credance, dont or n'i at nul prot. &lt;br&gt; Toz est mudez, perdude at sa color, &lt;br&gt; Ja mais n'iert tels com fut als ancessors.''
** The world was good in the time of them of old, for in it was faith and justice and love, and there was belief, of which there is now no store. It [the world] is all changed, it has lost its colour; it will never be such as it was with them of old.
** [[w:Alexius of Rome#French version|''La Vie de Saint-Alexis'']] (c. 1040) str. 1, in ''The Oldest Monuments of the French Language'' (1912) p. 28 &lt;!-- French: ''A Primer of Old French'' (London: Blackie &amp; Son, Ltd, 1902) p. 28 --&gt;

* [[w:Ça Ira|''Ça Ira'']].
** It'll be fine.
** Revolutionary song (May 1790)

* [[w:fr:Car tel est notre plaisir|''Car tel est notre plaisir'']].
** For such is our pleasure.
** Royal prerogative of the kings of France. The formula concluded royal acts, and in particular letters patent, prepared by the [[w:Chancery (medieval office)#France|Chancery]]. See: Paul-Alexis Mellet, ''Les traités monarchomaques: confusion des temps, résistance armée et monarchie parfaite, 1560-1600'' (Genève: Librairie Droz, 2007), p. 250. Compare: [[Ulpian]], ''Digesta'', 1, 4, 1 &lt;!-- ''Quod principi placuit legis habet vigorem.'' --&gt;

* ''[[w:The king is dead, long live the king!|Le mort saisit le vif. Le roi est mort, vive le roi!]]''
** The dead seizes the living. The king is dead, long live the king!
** Traditional proclamation made following the accession of a new monarch. First declared upon the accession to the French throne of [[Charles VII of France|Charles VII]] after the death of his father [[Charles VI of France|Charles VI]] (21 October 1422)

* ''{{w|Liberté, égalité, fraternité}}''. 
** Liberty, equality, fraternity.
** Revolutionary motto (July 1790) &lt;!-- First quoted by [[Camille Desmoulins]] in ''Révolutions de France et de Brabant'', no. 35 (26 July 1790) p. 515, describing the July 1790 [[w:Fête de la Fédération|Fête de la Fédération]]: ''... les soldats-citoyens se précipiter dans les bras l’un de l’autre, en se promettant liberté, égalité, fraternité.'' / &quot;... the citizen-soldiers rushing into each other's arms, promising each other ''liberty, equality, fraternity''.&quot; --&gt;

* [[w:Anarchist symbolism#No gods, no masters|''Ni Dieu ni maître'']]. 
** No gods, no masters.
** [[Anarchist]] slogan. A similar phrase appeared in an 1870 pamphlet by a disciple of [[Louis Auguste Blanqui|Auguste Blanqui]]. The exact phrase appeared as the title of Blanqui's 1880 newspaper before it spread throughout the anarchist movement, appearing in [[Kropotkin]]'s ''Words of a Rebel'' (1885)

* [[w:Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be)#Title phrase|''Que sera, sera'']].
** Whatever will be, will be.
** Heraldic motto, in John Audrey, ''The Natural History and Antiquities of the County of Surrey'', vol. 1 (London: printed for E. Curll, 1719), p. 234; the phrase also appears in John Bruce, ed., ''Calendar of State Papers, Domestic Series, of the Reign of Charles I'' (1864), p. 211 (entry for 19 Sept. 1634)

* ''Revenons à nos moutons.'' 
** Let us return to our sheep.
** ''[[La Farce de maître Pathelin]]'' (c. 1440). Reported in Hugh Percy Jones, ''Dictionary of Foreign Phrases and Classical Quotations'' (Edinburgh: John Grant, 1929) p. 328. Unattributed in [[Edward Leigh (writer)|Edward Leigh]], ''Analecta Caesarum'' (1664) p. 425

=== Greek ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Greek Anthology]]'''''
::'''''[[Greek proverbs]]'''''
::'''''[[Seven Sages of Greece]]'''''

* Εἴθ᾿ ἄπυρον καλὸν γενοίμην μέγα χρυσίον, &lt;br&gt; καί με καλὴ γυνὴ φοροίη καθαρὸν θεμένη νόον. 
** I would I were a jewel &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Of costly gold and fine, &lt;br&gt; And a lovely woman wearing me &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; With heart as true as mine!
** In Athenaeus, bk. 15, sec. 695d; translated by [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]], ''A Book of Greek Verse'' (1907), p. 39. Compare: [[Alfred Tennyson|Tennyson]], [[w:The Miller's Daughter (poem)|''The Miller's Daughter'']] · [[Joshua Sylvester|Sylvester]], ''Woodman's Bear'' · Shakespeare, ''[[Romeo and Juliet]]'', act 2, sc. 2, l. 23

* Ἦλθ’ ἦλθε χελιδὼν&lt;br&gt;καλὰς ὥρας ἄγουσα,&lt;br&gt;καλοὺς ἐνιαυτούς,&lt;br&gt;ἐπὶ γαστέρα λευκά,&lt;br&gt;ἐπὶ νῶτα μέλαινα.
** Come, come is the swallow,&lt;br&gt;With fair spring to follow.&lt;br&gt;She and the fair weather&lt;br&gt;Are come along together.&lt;br&gt;White is her breast,&lt;br&gt;And black all the rest.	
** &quot;[[w:Swallow song of Rhodes|Swallow Song of Rhodes]]&quot;, in [[Athenaeus]], bk. 8, 360b-d; translated by [[Henry Charles Beeching|H. C. Beeching]], ''Love in Idleness'' (1883), p. 177

=== Latin ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Gesta Romanorum]]'''''
::'''''[[Mass (liturgy)#Catholic Church|Latin Mass]]'''''
::'''''[[Latin proverbs]]'''''
::'''''[[Pervigilium Veneris]]'''''

* ''Adeste fideles læti triumphantes,&lt;br&gt;Venite, venite in Bethlehem.&lt;br&gt;Natum videte&lt;br&gt;Regem angelorum:&lt;br&gt;Venite adoremus&lt;br&gt;Dominum.''
** O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant!&lt;br&gt;O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem;&lt;br&gt;Come and behold Him&lt;br&gt;Born the King of Angels:&lt;br&gt;O come, let us adore Him,&lt;br&gt;Christ the Lord.
** &quot;{{w|O Come, All Ye Faithful}}&quot;, st. 1 (ed. [[w:John Francis Wade|Wade]], 1751), translated by [[Frederick Oakeley]] (1841) and revised in Francis H. Murray's ''A Hymnal, for Use in the English Church'' (1852) p. 26 (Oakeley's original 1841 version began 'Ye faithful, approach ye, joyfully triumphant')

* ''Cume tonas, Leucesie, prae tet tremonti &lt;br&gt; Quom tibei cunei, dextumum tonaront.''
** When thou thunderest, Light-god, before thee they tremble, &lt;br&gt; Sith thy bolts have thundered on the right.
** [[w:Carmen Saliare|''Carmen Saliare'']], quoted in a corrupt form by [[w:Quintus Terentius Scaurus|Scaurus]] in his ''De orthographia'', and translated from [[w:Theodor Bergk|Bergk]]'s conjectural restoration by J. Wright Duff, ''A Literary History of Rome from the Origins to the Close of the Golden Age'' (1909) p. 77 &lt;!-- See: [[w:Epithets of Jupiter|Epithets of Jupiter]] --&gt;

* ''Enos Lases iuuate'' (thrice). &lt;br&gt; ''Neue lue rue Marmar sins incurrere in pleores.'' (thrice) &lt;br&gt; ''Satur fu, fere Mars: limen sali, sta berber.'' (thrice) &lt;br&gt; ''Enos Marmor iuuato.'' (thrice) &lt;br&gt; ''Triumpe, triumpe, triumpe, triumpe, triumpe!''
** Help us, ye Lares. &lt;br&gt; Let not blight and ruin, O Mars, haste upon the multitude. &lt;br&gt; Be satiate, fierce Mars: leap the threshold, stay thy scourge &lt;br&gt; Summon ye in turn all the gods of sowing. &lt;br&gt; Help us, O Mars. &lt;br&gt; Huzza! Huzza! Huzza! etc.
** ''[[w:Carmen Arvale|Carmen Arvale]]'', from an inscription of 218 AD and written in a then-archaic form of Old Latin, as translated by [[w:J. Wright Duff|J. Wright Duff]], ''A Literary History of Rome from the Origins to the Close of the Golden Age'' (1909) p. 78

* ''{{w|Et in Arcadia ego}}.'' 
** Even in Arcadia, there am I.
** A ''memento mori'' from paintings by {{w|Guercino}} and [[Nicolas Poussin|Poussin]] (17th cent.)

* ''Gaudeamus igitur,&lt;br&gt;Iuvenes dum sumus!&lt;br&gt;Post iucundam iuventutem&lt;br&gt;Post molestam senectutem&lt;br&gt;Nos habebit humus.''
** Let us rejoice while we are young; for after the pleasures of youth, after the troubles of old age, we all shall be laid beneath the earth.
** &quot;[[w:Gaudeamus igitur|So Let Us Rejoice]]&quot;, st. 1 (c. 1267; ed. Christian Wilhelm Kindleben, 1781), as translated in ''The Presbyterian'', vol. 23, no. 51 (17 December 1853) p. 204&lt;!-- p. 4 of the issue --&gt;&lt;!-- Compare: J. A. Symonds, ''Wine, Women, and Song'' (London: Chatto and Windus, 1884) no. 60, p. 165.  John Hollander, ''Melodious Guile'' (Yale UP, 1988) p. 38. J. A. Pearce Jr. (1860) in [[w:Henry Randall Waite|H. R. Waite]] (ed.) ''Carmina Collegensia'' (January 1876) p. 71 --&gt;

* ''[[Illegitimi non carborundum]]''. 
** Don't let the bastards grind you down. (lit. &quot;The unlawful are not silicon carbide.&quot;)
** [[W:dog latin|Dog latin]] phrase (c. 1941)

* ''[[w:Sic transit gloria mundi|Sic transit gloria mundi]]''.
** Thus passeth the glory of the world.
** Phrase spoken in papal coronations between 1409 and 1963. The master of ceremonies would fall to his knees before the pope, holding a silver or brass reed, bearing a tow of smoldering flax. For three times in succession, as the cloth burned away, he would say in a loud and mournful voice: &quot;''Pater Sancte, sic transit gloria mundi!''&quot;

* ''[[w:Vox populi|Vox populi, vox Dei]]''.
** The voice of the people is the voice of God.
** Quoted and argued against by [[Alcuin of York]] in a letter to [[Charlemagne]] (AD 798)

=== Oriental ===

;Mesopotamian
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Epic of Gilgamesh]]''

* You climb to the mountains surveying the earth,&lt;br&gt;You suspend from the heavens the circle of the lands.
* You never fail to cross the wide expanse of sea,&lt;br&gt;The depth of which the Igigi know not.
* The heavens are not enough as the vessel into which you gaze,&lt;br&gt;The sum of the lands is inadequate as a seer's bowl.
** ''Great Hymn to Šamaš'', 21, 35, 154; tr. W. G. Lambert, ''Babylonian Wisdom Literature'' (Oxford, 1960), pp. 127 ff

;Egyptian
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Book of the Dead]]'''''
::'''''[[Great Hymn to the Aten]]'''''
::'''''[[Teaching for King Merykara]]'''''

* No one goes away and then comes back.
** ''The Song of the Harper'', st. 10, as translated by [[w:William Kelly Simpson|W. K. Simpson]] in ''The Literature of Ancient Egypt'' (1972), pp. 296–327

* Remember: it is not given to man to take his goods with him.
** ''The Song of the Harper'', st. 10, as translated by W. K. Simpson (1972)

* There is no one who can return from there, &lt;br&gt; To describe their nature, to describe their dissolution, &lt;br&gt; That he may still our desires, &lt;br&gt; Until we reach the place where they have gone. 
** ''The Song of the Harper'', st. 5, as translated by W. K. Simpson (1972)

;Indian
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Vedas]]'''''
::'''''[[Puranas]]'''''

* Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!&lt;br&gt;Look to this Day!&lt;br&gt;For it is Life, the very Life of Life.&lt;br&gt;In its brief Course lie all the&lt;br&gt;Varieties and Realities of your Existence:&lt;br&gt;The Bliss of Growth,&lt;br&gt;The Glory of Action,&lt;br&gt;The Splendour of Beauty;&lt;br&gt;For Yesterday is but a Dream&lt;br&gt;And Tomorrow is only a Vision;&lt;br&gt;But Today well lived makes&lt;br&gt;Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,&lt;br&gt;And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.&lt;br&gt;Look well therefore to this Day!&lt;br&gt;Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!
** &quot;From the [[Sanskrit]]&quot;, in Alleyne Ireland (ed.) [https://archive.org/details/masterpiecesofre002909mbp/page/300/mode/2up ''Masterpieces of Religious Verse''] (Harper &amp; Bros, 1905) p. 301 &lt;!-- &quot;The Salutation of the Dawn&quot; --&gt;

== See also ==
* [[Proverbs]], which are often passed down through the generations anonymously
* [[Bible]] — much of its material is of disputed authorship and is not believed to have been written by its purported authors
* [[Laozi]] — likely mythical founder of [[Taoism]], most sayings attributed to him were probably written anonymously

== External links ==
{{wikisource portal|Anonymous texts}}

[[Category:People]]

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      <text bytes="424355" sha1="fjwybjfp63fffhrzl6vwfn9c14qkty9" xml:space="preserve">[[File:John F. Kennedy, White House color photo portrait.jpg|thumb|The [[w:New Frontier|New Frontier]] of which I [[speak]] is not a set of [[promises]] — it is a set of [[challenges]]. It sums up not what I intend to offer the [[American]] [[people]], but what I intend to ask of them.]]
'''[[w:John F. Kennedy|John Fitzgerald Kennedy]]''' ([[29 May]] [[1917]] – [[22 November]] [[1963]]), often referred to by his initials '''JFK''', '''Jack''', or the shortening '''John F. Kennedy''', was the 35th [[w:President|president]] of the [[w:United States|United States]] (1961–1963), a [[United States Senate|United States senator]] from [[w:Massachusetts|Massachusetts]] (1953–1960), and a [[United States House of Representatives|United States representative]] (1947–1953). Kennedy served at the height of the [[Cold War]], and the majority of his work as president concerned relations with the [[Soviet Union]] and [[Cuba]]. He is the older brother of [[Robert F. Kennedy]] and [[Ted Kennedy]], and the first husband of [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis]]. He was [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|shot in the presence of his wife in Dallas]] on November&amp;nbsp;22, 1963.

== Quotes ==
[[File:Minute_Man_Statue_Lexington_Massachusetts_cropped.jpg|thumb|[[War]] will exist until that distant day when the [[w:Conscientious objector|conscientious objector]] enjoys the same [[reputation]] and prestige that the warrior does today.]]
[[File:JFK PT-109 Coconut.jpg|thumb|NATIVE [[Knowledge|KNOWS]] POS'IT…HE CAN PILOT…]]
[[File:Lt. John F. Kennedy with other crewmen on board USS PT-109.jpg|thumb|11 [[Life|ALIVE]] NEED SMALL BOAT]]
[[File:John F Kennedy Official Portrait.jpg|thumb|If more politicians knew [[poetry]], and more poets knew [[politics]], I am convinced the world would be a little better place in which to live.]]
[[File:John F. Kennedy Senate Portrait.jpg|thumb|Let us not despair but act. Let us not seek the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] answer or the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] answer but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past — let us accept our own responsibility for the future.]]
[[File:Sprit of '76.2.jpeg|thumb|Those who make [[peaceful]] [[revolution]] [[impossible]] will make [[violent]] revolution inevitable.]]
[[File:Kennedy at the Brandenburg Gate.jpg|thumb|The [[great]] [[revolution]] in the [[history]] of man, past, present and future, is the revolution of those determined to be [[free]].]]
[[File:President Kennedy signs Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, 07 October 1963.jpg|thumb|I can assure you that every degree of [[mind]] and [[spirit]] that I possess will be devoted to the long-range interests of the [[United States]] and to the cause of [[freedom]] around the [[world]].]]
[[File:John_F._Kennedy_-_NARA_-_518134.jpg|thumb|I [[believe]] in an [[America]] that is on the march — an America respected by all [[nations]], [[friends]] and [[foes]] alike — an America that is moving, doing, working, trying — a [[strong]] America in a [[world]] of [[peace]]. That peace must be based on world [[law]] and world [[order]], on the mutual respect of all nations for the [[rights]] and [[powers]] of others and on a world [[economy]] in which no nation lacks the [[ability]] to provide a decent standard of living for all of its people.]]
[[File:Kennedy and Shepard in Washington D.C. - GPN-2000-001659.jpg|thumb|This flight was made out in the open with all the possibilities of [[failure]], which would have been damaging to our country's prestige. Because great risks were taken in that regard, it seems to me that we have some right to claim that this open [[society]] of ours which risked much, gained much.]]
[[File:JFK and PC 96 Officers.jpg|thumb|We sometimes chafe at the burden of our [[obligations]], the [[complexity]] of our [[decisions]], the [[agony]] of our [[choices]]. But there is no [[comfort]] or [[security]] for us in evasion, no solution in abdication, no relief in irresponsibility.]]
[[File:Frankfurt Paulskirche Relief Kennedy 2.jpg|thumb|[[Change]] is the [[law]] of [[life]]. And those who look only to the [[past]] or the [[present]] are certain to miss the [[future]].]]
[[File:Artgate Fondazione Cariplo - Canova Antonio, Socrate congeda la propria famiglia.jpg|thumb|Although a country may stand still, [[history]] never stands still. Thus, if we do not soon begin to move forward again, we will inevitably be left behind. … But [[effort]] and [[courage]] are not enough without [[purpose]] and direction. For, as [[Socrates]] told us, &quot;If a man does not know to what port he is sailing, no [[wind]] is favorable.&quot;]]
[[File:JFK Khrushchev Handshake 1961.jpg|thumb|Across the gulfs and barriers that now divide us, we must remember that there are no permanent [[enemies]]. Hostility today is a [[fact]], but it is not a ruling [[law]]. The supreme [[reality]] of our [[time]] is our indivisibility as [[children]] of [[God]] and our common vulnerability on this planet.]]
[[File:JFK and family in Hyannis Port, 04 August 1962.jpg|thumb|Our [[progress]] as a [[nation]] can be no swifter than our progress in [[education]]. … The [[human]] [[mind]] is our fundamental resource.]]
[[File:Gedenktafel John-F.-Kennedy-Platz (Schöb) John F Kennedy.JPG|thumb|The great [[enemy]] of the [[truth]] is very often not the [[lie]] — deliberate, contrived and [[dishonest]] — but the [[myth]] — persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.]]
[[File:Printing4 Walk of Ideas Berlin.JPG|thumb|A man may die, [[nations]] may rise and fall, but an [[idea]] [[lives]] on. Ideas have endurance without [[death]].]]
[[File:Kennedy and Khrushchev in Vienna 1961.png|thumb|[[Nikita Khrushchev|He]] reminds me of the [[tiger]] hunter who has picked a place on the wall to hang the tiger's skin long before he his caught the tiger. This tiger has other ideas.]]
[[File:Leeds Town Hall, General Election results.jpg|thumb|In a [[democracy]], every citizen, regardless of his interest in [[politics]], 'hold office'; everyone of us is in a position of [[responsibility]]; and, in the final analysis, the kind of [[government]] we get depends upon how we fulfill those responsibilities. We, the [[people]], are the boss, and we will get the kind of political [[leadership]], be it good or bad, that we demand and deserve.]]
[[File:Hardtack Umbrella nuke.jpg|thumb|In a [[world]] of [[danger]] and trial, [[peace]] is our deepest aspiration … But it is an unfortunate [[fact]] that we can secure peace only by preparing for [[war]].]]
[[File:President greets Peace Corps Volunteers. White House, South Lawn. - NARA - 194180.jpg|thumb|The [[courage]] of [[life]] is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final [[moment]]; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he [[must]] — in spite of personal [[consequences]], in spite of obstacles and [[dangers]], and pressures — and that is the basis of all human [[morality]].]]
[[File:Congressman John F. Kennedy 1947.JPG|thumb| Things don't just happen, they are made to happen.]]
[[File:Kennedy funeral procession leaves White House, 25 November 1963.jpg|thumb|The [[world]] was not meant to be a [[prison]] in which man awaits his execution.]]

=== Pre-1960 ===
* '''[[War]] will exist until that distant day when the [[w:Conscientious objector|conscientious objector]] enjoys the same [[reputation]] and prestige that the warrior does today.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Undated Letter to a Navy friend]; [http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/26/magazine/26wwln-safire-t.html also mentioned by William Safire in his &quot;On Language&quot; article &quot;Warrior&quot; in the ''New York Times'' rubric Magazines (26 August 2007)]; [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx also in ''A Thousand Days : John F. Kennedy in the White House'' (1965), by Arthur Schlesinger, p. 88]

* '''[[Nauru|NAURO]] NATIVE KNOWS POSIT &amp;nbsp; HE CAN PILOT &amp;nbsp; 11 ALIVE &amp;nbsp; NEED SMALL BOAT &amp;nbsp; KENNEDY'''
** Message carved into a coconut after the wreck of [[w:Motor Torpedo Boat PT-109|PT-109]] (6 August 1943). This has often been misquoted as &quot;11 ALIVE NATIVE KNOWS POSIT &amp; REEF NAURU ISLAND KENNEDY&quot;
*** [http://web.archive.org/web/20021217024428/http://www.npr.org/programs/re/archivesdate/2002/jul/ Explorer Finds Kennedy's WWII Boat]&lt;!-- DEAD LINK: [http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq60-2.htm John F. Kennedy's Naval Service] --&gt;
* '''Where in the hell have you guys been? I've been at this bus stop for a whole week now.&quot;
**Kennedy upon being rescued.

* After visiting these places, you can easily understand how that within a few years [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] will '''emerge from the hatred that surrounds him now as one of the most significant''' figures who ever lived. He had boundless [[ambition]] for his [[country]] which rendered him a menace to the [[peace]] of the [[world]], but he had a mystery about him in the way that he lived and in the manner of his death that will live and grow after him. He had in him the stuff of which legends are made.
** After visiting such Nazi strongholds as were found in [[w:Berchtesgaden|Berchtesgaden]] and [[w:Kehlsteinhaus|Kehlsteinhaus]]; Personal diary (1 August 1945); published in ''Prelude to Leadership'' (1995)

* Regarding the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican Party]]: '''They follow the Hitler line – no matter how big the lie, repeat it often enough and the masses will regard it as truth.'''
** [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/east-boston-ma-19470518 Remarks of John F Kennedy, Fitton Council, Knights of Columbus, East Boston, Massachusetts, May 18, 1947]; JFK Speeches, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* '''If more politicians knew [[poetry]], and more poets knew [[politics]], I am convinced the world would be a little better place in which to live.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks at  Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts (14 June 1956)]; Box 895, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* '''Let us not despair but act. Let us not seek the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] answer or the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] answer but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past — let us accept our own responsibility for the future.'''
** Remarks at [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Loyola College Alumni Banquet, Baltimore, Maryland (18 February 1958)]; Box 899, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* I have just received the following wire from my generous daddy: &quot;Dear Jack – Don’t buy a single vote more than necessary – I’ll be damned if I am going to pay for a landslide.&quot;
** Remarks at [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/washington-dc-19580315 &quot;The Gridiron Club, Washington, D.C. (March 15, 1958)]; Box 899, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers; Box 29, David F. Powers Personal Papers, John F. Kennedy Speeches File

* '''In the [[Chinese language]], the word &quot;[[crisis]]&quot; is composed of two characters, one representing [[danger]] and the other, [[opportunity]].'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks at the United Negro College Fund, Indianapolis, Indiana (12 April 1959)]; Box 902, Senate Speech Files, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library; also in Remarks at Valley Forge Country Club, Pennsylvania (29 October 1960), Box 914, Senate Speech Files, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* Mr. President, Senate Joint Resolution 31, concerning which there has been little, if any, public interest or knowledge, constitutes one of the most far-reaching — and I believe mistaken — schemes ever proposed to alter the [[United States Constitution|American constitutional system]]. No one knows with any certainty what will happen if our [[w:elections in the United States|electoral system]] is totally revamped as proposed by Senate Joint Resolution 31 and the various amendments which will be offered to it. Today, we have a clearly [[w:United States Electoral College|Federal system of electing our President]], under which the States act as units. Today, we have the [[two-party system]], under which third parties and splinter parties are effectively discouraged from playing more than a negligible role. Today, we have a system which in all but one instance throughout our history has given us presidents elected by a plurality of the popular vote.  I refer to one instance, because the frequently mentioned situation in 1824, involving [[Andrew Jackson]] and [[John Quincy Adams]], in which six States did not have popular votes, can be ignored; and the other frequently mentioned case, that of the [[w:1876 United States presidential election|Hayes-Tilden contest]], involved outright corruption, and the decision of the electoral commission was responsible for the election of [[Rutherford B. Hayes|Hayes]]; so in the 175 years of our constitutional system, there is really only one valid example in which the present system produced the election of a candidate who did not receive the largest number of votes. And today we have an electoral vote system which gives both large States and small States certain advantages and disadvantages that offset each other.
**Debate about the Lodge-Gossett amendment, which would abolish the Electoral College; [https://www.nytimes.com/1955/06/22/archives/to-change-election-system-senator-explains-the-resolution-to.html To Change Election System; Senator Explains the Resolution to Abolish Electoral College] Congressional Record, March 20th 1955 [https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/GPO-CRECB-1956-pt4/pdf/GPO-CRECB-1956-pt4-9-1.pdf Congressional Record], page 5156

==== ''[[w:Profiles_in_Courage|Profiles in Courage]]'' (1956) ====
[[File:President John F. Kennedy Signs Communications Satellite Act of 1962 - AR7444-E.jpg|thumb|right|We should not be too hasty in condemning all compromise as bad morals. For politics and legislation are not matters for inflexible principles or unattainable ideals.]]
[[File:United States Congress circa 1915.jpeg|thumb|right|The voters selected us, in short, because they had [[confidence]] in our [[judgement]] and our [[ability]] to exercise that judgement from a position where we could determine what were their own best interest, as a part of the nation's interest. This may mean that we must on occasion lead, inform, correct and sometimes even ignore constituent opinion, if we are to exercise fully that judgment for which we were elected.]]
[[File:John F. Kennedy Senate Portrait.jpg|thumb|right|We shall need compromises in the days ahead, to be sure. But these will be, or should be, compromises of issues, not of principles. We can compromise our political positions, but not ourselves... Compromise does not mean cowardice.]]
[[File:Andrew Johnson impeachment trial.jpg|thumb|right|The true [[democracy]], living and growing and inspiring, puts its [[faith]] in the [[people]] — faith that the people will not simply elect men who will represent their views ably and faithfully, but will also elect men who will exercise their conscientious judgment — faith that the people will not condemn those whose devotion to [[principle]] leads them to unpopular courses, but will reward [[courage]], respect [[honor]], and ultimately recognize right.]]
[[File:Diagram of the Federal Government and American Union edit.jpg|thumb|right|For in a democracy, every citizen, regardless of his interest in politics, 'hold office'; everyone of us is in a position of responsibility; and, in the final [[analysis]], the kind of government we get depends upon how we fulfill those responsibilities. We, the people, are the boss, and we will get the kind of political leadership, be it good or bad, that we demand and deserve.]]
[[File:Profiles in Courage Front Cover (1956 first edition).jpg|thumb|right|The courage of [[life]] is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final [[moment]]; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he [[must]] — in spite of [[personal]] [[consequences]], in spite of obstacles and [[dangers]], and pressures — and that is the basis of [[all]] [[human]] [[morality]].]]
[[File:Frankfurt Paulskirche Relief Kennedy 2.jpg|thumb|right|The [[stories]] of past courage can define that ingredient — they can [[teach]], they can offer [[hope]], they can provide [[inspiration]]. But they cannot supply courage itself. For this each man must look into his own [[soul]].]]

* '''Senators''', we hear, '''must be politicians – and politicians must be concerned only with winning votes, not with statesmanship or courage. Mothers may still want their favorite sons to grow up to be President, but''' according to a famous Gallup poll of some years ago, '''they do not want them to become politicians in the process.''' 
** Source: ''Profiles in Courage Excerpts''. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20250817100527/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 Archived] [https://archive.is/i7ngU from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 the original] on August 17, 2025. Retrieved August 17, 2025.

* '''Perhaps if the American people more fully comprehended the terrible pressures which discourage acts of political courage, which drive a Senator to abandon or subdue his conscience, then they might be less critical of those who take the easier road - and more appreciative of those still able to follow the path of courage.'''&lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt;''[John F. Kennedy cites three pressures that discourage acts of political courage.]''&lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt;'''The ''first'' pressure to be mentioned is a form of pressure rarely recognized by the general public. Americans want to be liked – and Senators are no exception... We''' ''[Senators]'' '''prefer praise to abuse, popularity to contempt... we''' ''[Senators]'' '''are anxious to get along with our fellow legislators, our fellow members of the club, to abide by clubhouse rules and patterns... “The way to get along,” I''' ''[John Kennedy]'' '''was told when I entered Congress, “is to go along.”'''&lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt;'''Going along means more than just good fellowship – it includes the use of compromise, the sense of things possible. We should not be too hasty in condemning all compromise as bad morals. For politics and legislation are not matters for inflexible principles or unattainable ideals.''' 
** Source: ''Profiles in Courage Excerpts''. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20250817100527/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 Archived] [https://archive.is/i7ngU from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 the original] on August 17, 2025. Retrieved August 17, 2025.

* Some of my colleagues who are criticized today for lack of forthright principles – or who are looked upon with scornful eyes as '''compromising “politicians”''' – '''are simply engaged in the fine art of conciliating, balancing and interpreting the forces and factions of public opinion, an art essential to keeping our nation united and enabling our Government to function.''' 
** Source: ''Profiles in Courage Excerpts''. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20250817100527/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 Archived] [https://archive.is/i7ngU from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 the original] on August 17, 2025. Retrieved August 17, 2025.

* '''But the question is how we will compromise and with whom. For it is easy to seize upon unnecessary concessions, not as means of legitimately resolving conflicts but as methods of “going along.”''' 
** Source: ''Profiles in Courage Excerpts''. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20250817100527/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 Archived] [https://archive.is/i7ngU from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 the original] on August 17, 2025. Retrieved August 17, 2025.

* '''It is thinking of the next campaign – the desire to be re-elected – that provides the ''second'' pressure on the conscientious Senator...'''&lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; '''Defeat, moreover, is not only a setback for the Senator himself – he is also obligated to consider the effect upon the party he supports, upon the friends and supporters who have “gone out on a limb” for him or invested their savings in his career, and even upon the wife and children whose happiness and security – often depending at least in part upon his success in office – may mean more to him than anything else. &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; Where else, in a non-totalitarian country, but in the political profession is the individual expected to sacrifice all – including his own career – for the national good? ...''' &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; '''Lawyers, businessmen, teachers, doctors, all face difficult personal decisions involving their integrity – but few, if any, face them in the glare of the spotlight as do those in public office. Few, if any, face the same dread finality of decision that confronts a Senator facing an important call of the roll. He''' ''[Senator]'' '''may want more time for his decision – he may believe there is something to be said for both sides – he may feel that a slight amendment could remove all difficulties – but when that roll is called he cannot hide, he cannot equivocate, he cannot delay, like [[Edgar_Allan_Poe#The Raven (1844)|the Raven]] in [[Edgar Allan Poe|Poe]]’s poem, is perched there on his Senate desk, croaking “Nevermore” as he casts the vote that stakes his political future.'''
** Source: ''Profiles in Courage Excerpts''. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20250817100527/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 Archived] [https://archive.is/i7ngU from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 the original] on August 17, 2025. Retrieved August 17, 2025.

* '''Not all Senators would agree – but few would deny that the desire to be re-elected exercises a strong brake on independent courage. &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; The ''third'' and most significant source of pressures which discourage political courage in the conscientious Senator or Congressman''' – and practically all of the problems described in this chapter apply equally to members of both Houses - '''is the pressure of his constituency, the interest groups, the organized letter writers, the economic blocs and even the average voter.'''
** Source: ''Profiles in Courage Excerpts''. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20250817100527/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 Archived] [https://archive.is/i7ngU from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 the original] on August 17, 2025. Retrieved August 17, 2025.

* If we tell our constituents frankly that we can do nothing, they feel we are unsympathetic or inadequate. If we try and fail – usually meeting a counteraction from other Senators representing other interests – they say we are like all the rest of the politicians... &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; '''We may tell ourselves that these pressure groups and letter writers represent only a small percentage of the voters – and this is true. But they are the articulate few whose views cannot be ignored and who constitute the greater part of our contacts with the public at large, whose opinions we cannot know, whose vote we must obtain and yet who in all probability have a limited idea of what we are trying to do.''' 
** Source: ''Profiles in Courage Excerpts''. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20250817100527/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 Archived] [https://archive.is/i7ngU from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 the original] on August 17, 2025. Retrieved August 17, 2025.

* '''But there is no real problem, some will say. Always do what is right, regardless of whether it is popular. . . . &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; That is an easy answer – but it is easy only for those who do not bear the responsibilities of elected office. . . . Are we rightfully entitled to ignore the demands of our constituents even if we are able and willing to do so?''' &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; ''[In addition to those pressures cited above that make political courage a difficult course, there are obligations to one's state and section, to one's party and above all to one's constituents.]'' &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; The primary responsibility of a Senator, most people assume, is to represent the views of his state... Who will speak for Massachusetts if her own Senators do not? ... Her equal representation in Congress is lost... &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; '''And if such interests are ever to be abandoned in favor of the national good, let the constituents – not the Senator – decide when and to what extent. For he is their agent in Washington, the protector of their rights''', recognized by the Vice President in the Senate Chamber as “the Senator from Massachusetts” or “the Senator from Texas.” &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; '''But when all of this is said and admitted, we have not yet told the full story. For in Washington we are “United States Senators” and members of the Senate of the United States as well as Senators form Massachusetts and Texas.''' Our oath of office is administered by the Vice President, not by the Governors of our respective states; '''we come to Washington''', to paraphrase [[Edmund Burke]], '''not as hostile ambassadors or special pleaders for our state or section, in opposition to advocates and agents of other areas, but as members of the deliberative assembly of one nation with one interest.''' 
** Source: ''Profiles in Courage Excerpts''. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20250817100527/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 Archived] [https://archive.is/i7ngU from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 the original] on August 17, 2025. Retrieved August 17, 2025.

* '''There are other obligations in addition to those of state and region – the obligations of the party whose pressures have already been described. Even if I''' ''[John Kennedy]'' '''can disregard those pressures, do I not have an obligation to go along with the party that placed me in office? We believe in this country in the principle of party responsibility, and we recognize the necessity of adhering to party platforms – if the party label is to mean anything to the voters.''' 
** Source: ''Profiles in Courage Excerpts''. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20250817100527/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 Archived] [https://archive.is/i7ngU from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 the original] on August 17, 2025. Retrieved August 17, 2025.

* '''But when party and officeholder differ as to how the national interest is to be served, we must place first the responsibility we owe not to our party or even to our constituents, but to our individual consciences.''' &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; '''But it is a little easier to dismiss one’s obligations to local interests and party ties than to face squarely the problem of one’s responsibility to the will of his constituents. A Senator who avoids this responsibility would appear to be accountable to no one, and the basic safeguards of our democratic system would thus have vanished. He is no longer representative in the true sense, he has violated public trust, he has betrayed the confidence demonstrated by those who voted for him to carry out their views.''' 
** Source: ''Profiles in Courage Excerpts''. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20250817100527/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 Archived] [https://archive.is/i7ngU from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 the original] on August 17, 2025. Retrieved August 17, 2025.

* It is difficult to accept such a narrow view of the role of United States Senator – a view that assumes the people of Massachusetts sent me to Washington to serve merely as a seismograph to record shifts in popular opinion...  &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; '''The voters selected us''', in short, '''because they had confidence in our judgment and our ability to exercise that judgment from a position where we could determine what were their own best interests, as a part of the nation's interest. This may mean that we must on occasion lead, inform, correct and sometimes even ignore constituent opinion, if we are to exercise fully that judgment for which we were elected.''' 
** Source: ''Profiles in Courage Excerpts''. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20250817100527/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 Archived] [https://archive.is/i7ngU from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 the original] on August 17, 2025. Retrieved August 17, 2025.

* '''Today the challenge of political courage looms larger than ever before. For our everyday life is becoming so saturated with the tremendous power of mass communications that any unpopular or unorthodox course arouses a storm of protests''' such as [[John Quincy Adams]] – [http://w:Chesapeake–Leopard%20affair under attack in 1807] – could never have envisioned. '''Our political life is becoming so expensive, so mechanized and so dominated by professional politicians and public relations men that the idealist who dreams of independent statesmanship is rudely awakened by the necessities of election and accomplishment...  &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; And thus, in the days ahead, only the very courageous will be able to take the hard and unpopular decisions necessary [[Soviet Union|for our survival in the struggle with a powerful enemy – an enemy with leaders who need give little thought to the popularity of their course, who need pay little tribute to the public opinion they themselves manipulate, and who may force, without fear of retaliation at the polls, their citizens to sacrifice present laughter for future glory.]]''' 
** Source: ''Profiles in Courage Excerpts''. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20250817100527/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 Archived] [https://archive.is/i7ngU from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 the original] on August 17, 2025. Retrieved August 17, 2025.

* '''We shall need compromises in the days ahead''', to be sure. '''But these will be, or should be, compromises of issues, not of principles. We can compromise our political positions, but not ourselves... Compromise does not mean cowardice. Indeed it is frequently the compromisers and conciliators who are faced with the severest tests of political courage as they oppose the extremist views of their constituents.''' 
** Source: ''Profiles in Courage Excerpts''. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20250817100527/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 Archived] [https://archive.is/i7ngU from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/education/profile-in-courage-essay-contest/teacher-information-and-curriculum-ideas/curriculum-appendix-2 the original] on August 17, 2025. Retrieved August 17, 2025.

* The voters selected us, in short, because they had [[confidence]] in our [[judgement]] and our [[ability]] to exercise that judgement from a position where we could determine what were their own best interest, as a part of the nation's interest.
** p. 15

* Only the very [[courageous]] will be able to keep alive the [[spirit]] of [[individualism]] and [[dissent]] which gave birth to this nation, nourished it as an infant, and carried it through its severest tests upon the attainment of its maturity.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=JVEHpHb-VKQC&amp;printsec=frontcover&amp;dq=Pro%EF%AC%81les+in+Courage&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ei=aZntUeC6CpOMyAG2_ICgAw&amp;ved=0CDQQ6AEwAA#v=snippet&amp;q=individualism%20&amp;f=false ''Profiles in Courage'' (1956), p. 17]

* '''The true [[democracy]], living and growing and inspiring, puts its [[faith]] in the [[people]] — faith that the people will not simply elect men who will represent their views ably and faithfully, but will also elect men who will exercise their conscientious judgment — faith that the people will not condemn those whose devotion to [[principle]] leads them to unpopular courses, but will reward [[courage]], respect [[honor]], and ultimately recognize right.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx 1964 Memorial Edition, p. 264]

* '''For in a democracy, every citizen, regardless of his interest in politics, 'hold office'; everyone of us is in a position of responsibility; and, in the final [[analysis]], the kind of government we get depends upon how we fulfill those responsibilities. We, the people, are the boss, and we will get the kind of political leadership, be it good or bad, that we demand and deserve.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx 1964 Memorial Edition, p. 265]

* For without belittling the courage with which men have died, we should not forget those acts of [[courage]] with which men — such as the subjects of this book — have lived. '''The courage of life is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final moment; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of [[Victory|triumph]] and [[tragedy]]. A man does what he must — in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers, and pressures — and that is the basis of all human morality. In whatever area in life one may meet the challenges of courage, whatever may be the sacrifices he faces if he follows his conscience — the loss of his friends, his fortune, his contentment, even the esteem of his fellow men — each man must decide for himself the course he will follow. The stories of past courage can define that ingredient — they can teach, they can offer hope, they can provide inspiration. But they cannot supply courage itself. For this each man must look into his own soul.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx 1964 Memorial Edition, p. 266]

=== 1960 ===
* '''[[Richard Nixon|Dick Nixon]] is the victim of the worst [[press]] that ever hit a politician in this country.''' What they did to him in the [[w:Helen Gahagan Douglas|Helen Gahagan Douglas]] race was disgusting.
** As quoted in ''Kennedy and Nixon'' (1996) by Christopher Matthews, p.123

* '''We celebrate the past to awaken the future.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Remarks at the 25th Anniversary of the Signing of the Social Security Act,&quot; Hyde Park, New York (14 August 1960)]; Box 910, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|President Roosevelt]] and [[Harry S. Truman|President Truman]] and [[Dwight D. Eisenhower|President Eisenhower]] had the same [[experience]], they all made the effort to get along with the [[Russians]]. But every time, finally it failed. And the reason it failed was because '''the [[Communists]] are determined to destroy us, and regardless of what hand of friendship we may hold out or what arguments we may put up, the only thing that will make that decisive difference is the strength of the United States.'''
**[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=74188 Speech at Democratic Rally, George Washington High School Stadium, Alexandria, Virginia (24 August 1960)]

* '''Now let me make it clear that I believe there can only be one defense policy for the United States and that is summed up in the word 'first.' I do not mean 'first, but'. I do not mean 'first, when'. I do not mean 'first, if'. I mean 'first — period'.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Speech at VFW Convention, Detroit, Michigan,&quot; (26 August 1960); Box 910, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library]

* '''In a world of danger and trial, [[peace]] is our deepest aspiration''', and when peace comes we will gladly convert not our [[Sword|swords]] into plowshares, but our [[Nuclear weapons|bombs]] into peaceful [[Nuclear power|reactors]], and our [[Airplane|planes]] into space vessels. &quot;Pursue peace,&quot; [[the Bible]] tells us, and we shall pursue it with every effort and every energy that we possess. But '''it is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war.'''
** [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-civic-auditorium-seattle-wa Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960)]&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;

* '''That requires only one kind of defense policy, a policy summed up in a single word &quot;first.&quot; I do not mean &quot;first, if,&quot; I do not mean &quot;first, but,&quot; I do not mean &quot;first, when,&quot; but I mean &quot;First, period.&quot;'''
** Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960)

* '''My call is not to those who believe they belong to the past. My call is to those who believe in the future.'''
** Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960)

* We are a great and strong country — perhaps the greatest and strongest in the history of the world. But greatness and strength are not our natural right. They are not gifts which are automatically ours forever. It took toil and courage and determination to build this country — and it will take those same qualities if we are to maintain it. For, '''although a country may stand still, history never stands still. Thus, if we do not soon begin to move forward again, we will inevitably be left behind.''' And I know that Americans today are tired of standing still — and that we do not intend to be left behind. But '''effort and courage are not enough without purpose and direction. For, as [[Socrates]] told us, &quot;If a man does not know to what port he is sailing, no wind is favorable.&quot;'''
** Speech at the Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina&quot; (17 September 1960). Source: The American Presidency Project by John Woolley and Gerhard Peters at University of California, Santa Barbara. [https://archive.is/kD3GV Archived] from [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-raleigh-nc-coliseum the original]. See also: Remarks of Senator John F. Kennedy, Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina, September 17, 1960. Source: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. [https://archive.is/kfCvN Archived] from [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/raleigh-nc-19600917 the original] on October 23, 2024.
** The last sentence of the extract here includes &quot;If a man does not know to what port he is sailing, no wind is favorable.&quot; which John F. Kennedy attributes to Socrates. Quote Investigator indicates the author was not Socrates, but [[Seneca the Younger]]. (See: Quote Investigator (November 25, 2011): You Must Know Your Destination Port If You Wish to Catch A Favorable Wind. [https://archive.is/Kb5GZ Archived] from [https://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/11/25/favorable-wind/ the original] on October 22, 2024. The Loeb Classical Library has the Latin original and and another translation. See: Seneca the Younger: Epistle LXXI. In: Seneca, Epistles, Volume II: Epistles 66-92. Translated by Richard M. Gummere. Loeb Classical Library, page 74-75. [https://archive.is/DkFt7 Archived] from [https://www.loebclassics.com/view/seneca_younger-epistles/1917/pb_LCL076.75.xml?mainRsKey=Q5LLPk the original] on October 23, 2024.

* Today our slowed-down [[Economy of the United States|economy]], our overcrowded [[Education in the United States|schools]], our [[Poverty in the United States|poor]] and our [[Unemployment in the United States|unemployed]], our spreading slums and our thousands of abandoned [[Agriculture|farms]] are visible, tangible evidence of our failure to meet those responsibilities. And those failures are defeats for the cause of freedom. For today the [[Communism|Communists]] are determined to convince the emerging and [[Developing country|developing nations]] of [[Asia]] and [[Africa]] and [[Latin America]] that only Communism will eliminate their [[poverty]] and [[hunger]] and [[disease]] - that the Communist road is the only road to a better life. We know that this is not true - for '''our own greatness is living proof that the road to [[abundance]] is [[freedom]]'s road.''' And we intend to build a still greater America where every man has a chance to work, a decent house to live in and decent schools for his children because we believe in a decent life for all our citizens - and '''because we who first lit man's hope for the good life are determined that freedom shall continue to show the way to progress.'''
** Speech at the Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina&quot; (17 September 1960). Source: The American Presidency Project by John Woolley and Gerhard Peters at University of California, Santa Barbara. [https://archive.is/kD3GV Archived] from [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-raleigh-nc-coliseum the original]. See also: Remarks of Senator John F. Kennedy, Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina, September 17, 1960. Source: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. [https://archive.is/kfCvN Archived] from [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/raleigh-nc-19600917 the original] on October 23, 2024.

* We must also be ready to reassume the initiative in the conduct of our foreign affairs - or act to spread freedom as well as to react against the spread of Communism. We must propose new and workable programs for [[disarmament]], for banning nuclear testing, for reducing tensions in the many trouble spots around the world from [[Berlin]] to the [[Cross-Strait relations|Formosa Straits]]. For '''only an America which is applying its full resources of imagination and thought and strength to the resolution of the world's great problems - only such an America will be able to maintain its position as the champion of peace and the protector of freedom everywhere.'''
** Speech at the Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina&quot; (17 September 1960). Source: The American Presidency Project by John Woolley and Gerhard Peters at University of California, Santa Barbara. [https://archive.is/kD3GV Archived] from [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-raleigh-nc-coliseum the original]. See also: Remarks of Senator John F. Kennedy, Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina, September 17, 1960. Source: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. [https://archive.is/kfCvN Archived] from [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/raleigh-nc-19600917 the original] on October 23, 2024.

* And '''only a stronger America can hope to maintain its freedom and the freedom of the world. We are faced with an enemy which now commands a vast empire''' from the Formosa Straits to Berlin - an enemy whose agents of subversion are penetrating into Africa, into Asia, and now stand only ninety miles from our shores in [[Cuba]] - '''an enemy which is convinced of its ultimate victory - which believes, to quote Mr. [[Nikita Khrushchev|Khrushchev]], &quot;that the old and the rotten will always fight with the newly emerged, but it is a law of history that the new will always win.&quot; But it is freedom that is new, and despotism and tyranny that is as old as civilization is - and it is freedom that will win - not because of any law of history - but because we will have the strength and the determination that will bring the victory.'''
** Speech at the Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina&quot; (17 September 1960). Source: The American Presidency Project by John Woolley and Gerhard Peters at University of California, Santa Barbara. [https://archive.is/kD3GV Archived] from [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-raleigh-nc-coliseum the original]. See also: Remarks of Senator John F. Kennedy, Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina, September 17, 1960. Source: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. [https://archive.is/kfCvN Archived] from [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/raleigh-nc-19600917 the original] on October 23, 2024.

* '''I think the basic problem facing the United States is to maintain the peace, maintain our vital interest in our national security, serve as the leader of the cause of freedom around the globe, and attempt to develop in this country sufficient forward motion so that we catch again the imagination of the world as a power and a system of government that represents the kind of government which all people want to endorse, the kind of government under which all people want to live. In other words, if we do well here, we enhance the prestige and power and influence of the cause of freedom around the world. If we fail, the cause of freedom fails. If we succeed, the cause of freedom succeeds. Our responsibility is to throw light and luster around that great cause, around the globe.'''
** Question and Answer Session following a Speech at the Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina&quot; (17 September 1960). See: Remarks of Senator John F. Kennedy, Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina, September 17, 1960. Source: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. [https://archive.is/kfCvN Archived] from [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/raleigh-nc-19600917 the original] on October 23, 2024.

* '''There is a connection, hard to explain logically but easy to feel, between achievement in public life and [[progress]] in the [[Art|arts]].''' The age of [[Pericles]] was also the age of [[Phidias]]. The age of [[w:Lorenzo de' Medici|Lorenzo de Medici]] was also the age of [[Leonardo da Vinci]]. The age of [[Elizabeth I of England|Elizabeth]] was also the age of [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]]. And the New Frontier for which I campaign in public life, can also be a New Frontier for American art.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Response to letter sent by Miss Theodate Johnson, Publisher of Musical America to the two presidential candidates requesting their views on music in relation to the Federal Government and domestic world affairs (13 September 1960); published in ''Musical America'' (October 1960), p. 11; later inscribed on the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, Washington, D.C.

* If by a &quot;[[Liberalism|Liberal]]&quot; they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their [[Health care|health]], their [[housing]], their schools, their [[jobs]], their civil rights, and their civil liberties — someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a &quot;Liberal,&quot; then I'm proud to say I'm a &quot;Liberal.&quot;
** Acceptance of the New York Liberal Party nomination (14 September 1960) · [https://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/JFK-Speeches/Liberal-Party-Nomination-NYC_19600914.aspx Address of John F. Kennedy upon Accepting the Liberal Party Nomination for President]

* Their platform, made up of left-over Democratic planks, has the courage of our old convictions. '''Their pledge is a pledge to the status quo — and today there can be no status quo.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Address Accepting the Democratic Party Nomination for the Presidency of the United States — Memorial Coliseum, Los Angeles (15 July 1960)]&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;

* If this nation is to be wise as well as strong, if we are to achieve our destiny, then we need more new ideas for more wise men reading more good books in more public [[libraries]]. These libraries should be open to all — except the [[Censorship|censor]]. '''We must know all the facts and hear all the alternatives and listen to all the criticisms. Let us welcome controversial books and controversial authors. For the [[United States Bill of Rights|Bill of Rights]] is the guardian of our security as well as our liberty.'''
** ''Saturday Review'' (29 October 1960), p. 44

* There are indications because of new inventions, that 10, 15, or 20 nations will have a nuclear capacity, including [[China|Red China]], by the end of the Presidential office in 1964. This is extremely serious. . . I think the fate not only of our own [[civilization]], but I think the fate of world and the future of the [[Human|human race,]] is involved in preventing a [[nuclear war]].
** [[s:1960 U.S. Presidential Debate - October 13|Third Nixon-Kennedy Presidential Debate (13 October 1960)]]

* We have all seen these [[circus]] [[elephants]] complete with tusks, [[ivory]] in their head and thick skins, who move around the circus ring and grab the tail of the elephant ahead of them.&quot;
** Comments on [[w:Republican Party (United States)|members of the Republican party]], in [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks at the Cow Palace, San Francisco, California (2 November 1960)]; Box 914, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* '''I can assure you that every degree of mind and spirit that I possess will be devoted to the long-range interests of the United States and to the cause of freedom around the world.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Acceptance-Speech-by-John-F-Kennedy-Hyannis-Armory-Hyannis-Massachusetts-November-9-1960.aspx Acceptance speech (9 November 1960)]

==== The New Frontier ====
:&lt;small&gt;[[s:John F. Kennedy's Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech|John F. Kennedy's Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech]] to the [[w:1960 Democratic National Convention|Democratic National Convention]] at the [[w:Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum|Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum]] (15 July 1960) · [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx The term &quot;New Frontier&quot; was first used in this speech.]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:ARC194238-JFK-Robert-Edward.jpg|thumb|The [[world]] is [[changing]]. The old era is ending. The old ways will not do. ... It is a time, in short, for a new generation of [[leadership]].]]
[[File:1942 JFK uniform portrait.jpg|thumb|We can have [[faith]] in the [[future]] only if we have faith in ourselves. ]]
[[File:John F Kennedy.jpg|thumb|Are we up to the task — are we equal to the challenge? Are we willing to match the Russian sacrifice of the present for the future — or must we sacrifice our future in order to enjoy the present? That is the question of the New Frontier. ]]

* But I think the American people expect more from us than cries of indignation and attack. '''The times are too grave, the challenge too urgent, and the stakes too high — to permit the customary passions of political debate. We are not here to curse the darkness, but to light the candle that can guide us through that darkness to a safe and sane future.''' As [[Winston Churchill]] said on taking office some twenty years ago: if we open a quarrel between the present and the past, we shall be in danger of losing the future. '''Today our concern must be with that future. For the world is changing. The old era is ending. The old ways will not do. [...] It is a time, in short, for a new generation of leadership — new men to cope with new problems and new opportunities.'''

* Today some would say that those struggles are all over — that all the horizons have been explored — that all the battles have been won — that there is no longer an American frontier. But I trust that no one in this vast assemblage will agree with those sentiments. For the problems are not all solved and the battles are not all won — and '''we stand today on the edge of a [[w:New Frontier|New Frontier]] — the frontier of the [[1960s|1960's]] — a frontier of unknown opportunities and perils — a frontier of unfulfilled hopes and threats.'''

* [[Woodrow Wilson]]'s New Freedom promised our nation a new political and economic framework. [[Franklin Roosevelt]]'s [[New Deal]] promised security and succor to those in need. But '''the New Frontier of which I speak is not a set of promises — it is a set of challenges. It sums up not what I intend to offer the American people, but what I intend to ask of them. It appeals to their pride, not to their pocketbook — it holds out the promise of more sacrifice instead of more security.'''

* But I tell you the '''New Frontier''' is here, whether we seek it or not. '''Beyond that frontier are the uncharted areas of science and space, unsolved problems of peace and war, unconquered pockets of ignorance and prejudice, unanswered questions of poverty and surplus.''' It would be easier to shrink back from that frontier, to look to the safe mediocrity of the past, to be lulled by good intentions and high rhetoric — and those who prefer that course should not cast their votes for me, regardless of party. But I believe '''the times demand new invention, innovation, imagination, decision. I am asking each of you to be pioneers on that New Frontier.''' My call is to the young in heart, regardless of age — to all who respond to the Scriptural call: [[s: Bible (King James)/Joshua#Chapter_1|&quot;Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed.&quot;]] For courage — not complacency — is our need today — leadership — not salesmanship. And '''the only valid test of leadership is the ability to lead, and lead vigorously.'''

* There may be those who wish to hear more — more promises to this group or that — more harsh rhetoric about the men in the Kremlin — more assurances of a golden future, where taxes are always low and subsidies ever high. But my promises are in the platform you have adopted — our ends will not be won by rhetoric and '''we can have faith in the future only if we have faith in ourselves.'''

* For the harsh facts of the matter are that we stand on this frontier at a turning-point in history. [[Abraham Lincoln#The_Gettysburg_Address_.281863.29|We must prove all over again whether this nation — or any nation so conceived — can long endure]] — whether our society — with its [[freedom of choice]], its breadth of opportunity, its range of alternatives — can compete with the single-minded advance of the [[Communist system]]. &lt;/br&gt; Can a nation organized and governed such as ours endure? That is the real question. Have we the nerve and the will? Can we carry through in an age where we will witness not only new breakthroughs in weapons of destruction — but also a race for mastery of the sky and the rain, the ocean and the tides, the far side of space and the inside of men's minds? &lt;/br&gt; '''Are we up to the task — are we equal to the challenge? Are we willing to match the Russian sacrifice of the present for the future — or must we sacrifice our future in order to enjoy the present? &lt;/br&gt; That is the question of the New Frontier.''' That is the choice our nation must make — a choice that lies not merely between two men or two parties, but between the public interest and private comfort — between national greatness and national decline — between the fresh air of progress and the stale, dank atmosphere of &quot;[[Normality|normalcy]]&quot; — between determined dedication and creeping mediocrity. '''All mankind waits upon our decision. A whole world looks to see what we will do. We cannot fail their trust, we cannot fail to try.'''

* It has been a long road from that first snowy day in [[New Hampshire]] to this crowded convention city. Now begins another long journey, taking me into your cities and homes all over America. Give me your help, your hand, your voice, your vote. Recall with me the words of [[Isaiah]]: [[s:Bible (King James)/Isaiah#Chapter_40|&quot;They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary.&quot;]] As we face the coming challenge, we too, shall wait upon the Lord, and ask that he renew our strength. Then shall we be equal to the test. Then we shall not be weary. And then we shall prevail.

==== Speech to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association ====
:&lt;small&gt;Speech to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association, a group of Protestant ministers, on the issue of his religion (12 September 1960); at the time, many Protestants questioned whether Kennedy's Roman Catholic faith would allow him to make important national decisions as president independent of the church. He addressed those concerns before a skeptical audience of Protestant clergy. · [[s:Address of Senator John F. Kennedy to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association|Full text online available at Wikisource]] and [http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=16920600 NPR].&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Iakovos kennedy.jpg|thumb|War and hunger and ignorance and despair know no religious barriers.]]
[[File:2005 Half Dollar Obv Unc P.png|thumb|I believe in a President whose religious views are his own private affair, neither imposed by him upon the nation or imposed by the nation upon him as a condition to holding that office.]]
[[File:Kennedy Giving Historic Speech to Congress - GPN-2000-001658.jpg|thumb|I want a Chief Executive whose public acts are responsible to all groups and obligated to none — who can attend any ceremony, service or dinner his office may appropriately require of him — and whose fulfillment of his Presidential oath is not limited or conditioned by any religious oath, ritual or obligation.]]

* While the so-called [[Religion in the United States|religious issue]] is necessarily and properly the chief topic here tonight, I want to emphasize from the outset that we have far more critical issues to face in the 1960 election; the spread of Communist influence, until it now festers 90 miles off the coast of [[Florida]] — the humiliating treatment of our [[President of the United States|President]] and [[w:Vice President of the United States|Vice President]] by those who no longer respect our power — the [[Hunger in the United States|hungry]] [[children]] I saw in [[West Virginia]], the old people who cannot pay their doctor bills, the families forced to give up their farms — an America with too many slums, with too few schools, and too late to the [[moon]] and [[Space|outer space]]. These are the real issues which should decide this campaign. And they are not religious issues — for '''war and hunger and ignorance and despair know no religious barriers.'''

* '''I believe in an America where the [[Separation of church and state in the United States|separation of church and state]] is absolute''' — where no [[Priesthood in the Catholic Church|Catholic prelate]] would tell the President (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishoners for whom to vote — where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference — and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.

* '''I believe in an America that is officially neither [[Catholic]], [[Protestantism|Protestant]] nor [[Jewish]] — where no public official either requests or accepts instructions on public policy from [[Pope John XXIII|the Pope]], the [[w:National Council of Churches|National Council of Churches]] or any other ecclesiastical source — where no religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the general populace or the public acts of its officials — and where [[Freedom of religion|religious liberty]] is so indivisible that an act against one church is treated as an act against all.''' For while this year it may be a Catholic against whom the finger of suspicion is pointed, in other years it has been, and may someday be again, a Jew — or a [[Quaker]] — or a [[Unitarian Universalism|Unitarian]] — or a [[w:Baptists|Baptist]]. It was [[Virginia]]'s harassment of Baptist preachers, for example, that helped lead to [[Thomas Jefferson|Jefferson]]'s statute of religious freedom. Today I may be the victim- -but tomorrow it may be you — until the whole fabric of our harmonious society is ripped at a time of great national peril.

* Finally, '''I believe in an America where [[religious intolerance]] will someday end — where all men and all churches are treated as equal — where every man has the same right to attend or not attend the church of his choice''' — where there is no Catholic vote, no [[Anti-Catholicism|anti-Catholic]] vote, no bloc voting of any kind — and where Catholics, Protestants and Jews, at both the lay and pastoral level, will refrain from those attitudes of disdain and division which have so often marred their works in the past, and promote instead the American ideal of brotherhood.

* That is the kind of America in which I believe. And it represents the kind of Presidency in which I believe — a great office that must neither be humbled by making it the instrument of any one religious group nor tarnished by arbitrarily withholding its occupancy from the members of any one religious group. '''I believe in a President whose religious views are his own private affair, neither imposed by him upon the nation or imposed by the nation upon him as a condition to holding that office.'''

* I would not look with favor upon a President working to subvert the [[First Amendment to the United States Constitution|First Amendment]]'s guarantees of religious liberty. Nor would our system of checks and balances permit him to do so — and neither do I look with favor upon those who would work to subvert Article VI of the [[United States Constitution|Constitution]] by requiring a religious test — even by indirection — for it. If they disagree with that safeguard they should be out openly working to repeal it.

* '''I want a Chief Executive whose public acts are responsible to all groups and obligated to none — who can attend any ceremony, service or dinner his office may appropriately require of him — and whose fulfillment of his Presidential oath is not limited or conditioned by any religious oath, ritual or obligation.'''

* But let me say, with respect to other countries, that '''I am wholly opposed to the state being used by any religious group, Catholic or Protestant, to compel, prohibit, or persecute the free exercise of any other religion.''' And I hope that you and I condemn with equal fervor those nations which deny their Presidency to Protestants and those which deny it to Catholics.

* But let me stress again that these are my views — for contrary to common newspaper usage, I am not the Catholic candidate for President. I am the Democratic Party's candidate for President who happens also to be a Catholic. I do not speak for my church on public matters — and the church does not speak for me. Whatever issue may come before me as President — on [[birth control]], [[divorce]], [[censorship]], gambling or any other subject — I will make my decision in accordance with these views, in accordance with what my conscience tells me to be the national interest, and without regard to outside religious pressures or dictates. And no power or threat of [[punishment]] could cause me to decide otherwise. But '''if the time should ever come — and I do not concede any conflict to be even remotely possible — when my office would require me to either violate my conscience or violate the national interest, then I would resign the office; and I hope any conscientious public servant would do the same.'''

* If I should lose on the real issues, I shall return to my seat in the Senate, satisfied that I had tried my best and was fairly judged. But if this election is decided on the basis that 40 million Americans lost their chance of being President on the day they were baptized, then it is the whole nation that will be the loser, in the eyes of Catholics and non-Catholics around the world, in the eyes of history, and in the eyes of our own people.

==== Address at Convention Hall, Philadelphia ====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=74316 Speech at Convention Hall, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (31 October 1960)]&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;&lt;/small&gt;

* '''I believe in an America where the [[free enterprise]] system flourishes for all other systems to see and admire — where no businessman lacks either competition or [[credit]] — and where no [[monopoly]], no racketeer, no government [[bureaucracy]] can put him out of business that he built up with his own initiative.'''

* '''I believe in an America where the rights that I have described '''are enjoyed by all, regardless of their race or their creed or their national origin — where every [[Citizenship|citizen]] is free to think and speak as he pleases and write and worship as he pleases — and where every citizen is free to vote as he pleases, without instructions from anyone, his employer, the union leader or his clergyman.'''

* Finally, '''I believe in an America with a government of men devoted solely to the public interests — men of ability and dedication, free from [[conflict]] or [[corruption]] or other [[commitment]] — '''a responsible government that is efficient and economical, with a balanced budget over the years of the cycle, reducing its debt in prosperous times — '''a government willing to entrust the people with the facts that they have — not a businessman's government, with business in the saddle,''' as the late Secretary McKay described this administration of which he was a member — '''not a labor government, not a farmer's government, not a government of one section of the country or another, but a government of, for and by the people.'''

* In short, '''I believe in an America that is on the march — an America respected by all nations, friends and foes alike — an America that is moving, doing, working, trying — a strong America in a world of peace. That peace must be based on world law and world order, on the mutual respect of all nations for the rights and powers of others and on a [[world economy]] in which no nation lacks the ability to provide a decent standard of living for all of its people.''' But we cannot have such a world, and we cannot have such a peace, unless the United States has the vitality and the inspiration and the strength. If we continue to stand still, if we continue to lie at anchor, if we continue to sit on dead center, if we content ourselves with the easy life and the rosy assurances, then the gates will soon be open to a lean and hungry enemy.

==== Speech at East Los Angeles College Stadium, Los Angeles, California ====
:&lt;small&gt;John F. Kennedy, at East Los Angeles College Stadium, Los Angeles, CA (November 1, 1960)&lt;/small&gt;

* Our prestige abroad, what other peoples think of us, is not of importance only to those Americans who work or travel abroad. The sign &quot;Yankee go home&quot; does not apply only to our diplomats, foreign-aid specialists, and military personnel who are stationed overseas.

* The great struggle in the world today is not one of [[popularity]] but one of power, and '''our power depends in considerable measure upon our ability to influence other nations, upon their willingness to associate themselves with our efforts, upon the strength of our stature and leadership.''' ... this deterioration in our prestige abroad threatens our bases, our alliances, our security and the peace itself and it is time we were respected once again throughout the would as the good neighbor.

* '''We live under majority rule and if that majority is not well educated in its responsibilities, the whole Nation suffers.'''

==== Sport at the New Frontier: The Soft American ====
[[File:Seal of the United States Department of Health, Education, and Welfare.svg|thumb|Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body; it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.]]
[[File:Liberty - Soldiers' and Sailors' Monument (Cleveland) - DSC07985.JPG|thumb|The stamina and strength which the defense of liberty requires are not the product of a few weeks' basic training or a month's conditioning. These only come from bodies which have been conditioned by a lifetime of participation in sports and interest in physical activity.]]
:&lt;small&gt;John F. Kennedy, [http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1134750/1/index.htm &quot;Sport at the New Frontier: The Soft American&quot;] in [http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/cover/featured/7698/index.htm ''Sports Illustrated'' Vol. 13, Issue 26 (26 December 1960)], [http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/edb/reader.html?magID=SI&amp;issueDate=19601226&amp;mode=reader_vault p. 14-17]&lt;/small&gt;

* This knowledge, '''the knowledge that the physical well-being of the citizen is an important foundation for the vigor and vitality of all the activities of the nation, is as old as Western civilization itself.

* But the harsh fact of the matter is that there is also an increasingly large number of young Americans who are neglecting their bodies — whose physical fitness is not what it should be — who are getting soft. And such '''softness on the part of individual citizens can help to strip and destroy the vitality of a nation.''' For '''the physical vigor of our citizens is one of America's most precious resources. If we waste and neglect this resource, if we allow it to dwindle and grow soft then we will destroy much of our ability to meet the great and vital challenges which confront our people. We will be unable to realize our full potential as a nation.'''

* Throughout [[History of the United States|our history]] we have been challenged to armed conflict by nations which sought to destroy our independence or threatened our freedom. The young men of America have risen to those occasions, giving themselves freely to the rigors and hardships of warfare. But '''the stamina and strength which the defense of liberty requires are not the product of a few weeks' basic training or a month's conditioning. These only come from bodies which have been conditioned by a lifetime of participation in sports and interest in physical activity.''' Our struggles against aggressors throughout our history have been won on the playgrounds and corner lots and fields of America. Thus, in a very real and immediate sense, our growing softness, our increasing lack of physical fitness, is a menace to our security.

* But '''physical fitness is as vital to the activities of peace as to those of war, especially when our success in those activities may well determine the future of freedom in the years to come.''' We face in the [[Soviet Union]] a powerful and implacable adversary determined to show the world that only the Communist system possesses the vigor and determination necessary to satisfy awakening aspirations for progress and the elimination of poverty and want. To meet the challenge of this enemy will require determination and will and effort on the part of all Americans. '''Only if our citizens are physically fit will they be fully capable of such an effort.'''

* For '''physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body; it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.''' The relationship between the soundness of the [[body]] and the activities of the [[mind]] is subtle and complex. Much is not yet understood. But we do know what the [[Greeks]] knew: that '''[[intelligence]] and [[skill]] can only function at the peak of their capacity when the body is healthy and strong'''; that '''hardy spirits and tough minds usually inhabit sound bodies.'''

* In this sense, '''physical fitness is the basis of all the activities of our society. And if our bodies grow soft and inactive, if we fail to encourage physical development and prowess, we will undermine our capacity for thought, for work and for the use of those skills vital to an expanding and complex America. Thus the physical fitness of our citizens is a vital prerequisite to America's realization of its full potential as a nation, and to the opportunity of each individual citizen to make full and fruitful use of his capacities.'''

* It is ironic that at a time when the magnitude of our dangers makes the physical fitness of our citizens a matter of increasing importance, it takes greater effort and determination than ever before to build the strength of our bodies. The age of [[leisure]] and abundance can destroy vigor and muscle tone as effortlessly as it can gain time. '''Today human activity, the labor of the human body, is rapidly being engineered out of working life.'''

=== 1961 ===
[[File:Minute_Man_Statue_Lexington_Massachusetts_cropped.jpg|thumb|Today we need a nation of [[w:Minutemen|minute men]]; citizens who are not only prepared to take up arms, but citizens who regard the preservation of freedom as a basic purpose of their daily life and who are willing to consciously work and sacrifice for that freedom.]]
[[File:President John F. Kennedy Meets with Ambassador of Canada, Arnold (A.D.P.) Heeney (01).jpg|thumb|Geography has made us neighbors. History has made us friends. Economics has made us partners. And necessity has made us allies. Those whom nature hath so joined together, let no man put asunder.]]

* '''Today we need a nation of [[w:Minutemen|minute men]]; citizens who are not only prepared to take up arms, but citizens who regard the preservation of freedom as a basic purpose of their daily life and who are willing to consciously work and sacrifice for that freedom.'''
**[http://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/about-jfk/life-of-john-f-kennedy/john-f-kennedy-quotations/commemorative-message-on-roosevelt-day “Message to Those Participating in Roosevelt Day Commemoration (29 January 1961)].&quot; ''Papers of John F. Kennedy. Presidential Papers'', &quot;New Minute Men Urged by Kennedy,&quot; ''The New York Times''(30 January 1961) pg. 13

* '''I have pledged myself and my colleagues in the cabinet to a continuous encouragement of initiative, responsibility and energy in serving the public interest. Let every public servant know, whether his post is high or low, that a man's rank and reputation in this Administration will be determined by the size of the job he does, and not by the size of his staff, his office or his budget. Let it be clear that this Administration recognizes the value of dissent and daring — that we greet healthy controversy as the hallmark of healthy change. Let the public service be a proud and lively career. And let every man and woman who works in any area of our national government, in any branch, at any level, be able to say with pride and with honor in future years: &quot;I served the [[Federal government of the United States|United States government]] in that hour of our nation's need.&quot;''' &lt;/br&gt; For only with complete dedication by us all to the national interest can we bring our country through the troubled years that lie ahead. Our problems are critical. The tide is unfavorable. The news will be worse before it is better. And while hoping and working for the best, we should prepare ourselves now for the worst.
** [[s:John F. Kennedy's First State of the Union Address|First State of the Union Address]] (30 January 1961)

* '''The Federal Budget can and should be made an instrument of prosperity and stability, not a deterrent to recovery.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Special message to Congress: Program for Economic Recovery and Growth (17)&quot;, (2 February 1961)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1961'' --&gt;

* For I can assure you that '''we love our country, not for what it was, though it has always been great — not for what it is, though of this we are deeply proud — but for what it someday can, and, through the efforts of us all, someday will be.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Address at a Luncheon Meeting of the National Industrial Conference Board (33)&quot;, (13 February 1961)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1961'' --&gt;

* '''Our progress as a nation can be no swifter than our progress in [[Education in the United States|education]].''' Our requirements for world leadership, our hopes for [[economic growth]], and the demands of citizenship itself in an era such as this all require the maximum development of every young American's capacity. '''The human mind is our fundamental resource.'''
** [http://www.jfklink.com/speeches/jfk/publicpapers/1961/jfk46_61.html Special Message to the Congress on Education (20 February 1961)]

* It cannot be surprising that, as resistance within [[Cuba]] grows, [[Refugee|refugees]] have been using whatever means are available to return and support their countrymen in the continuing '''struggle for freedom. Where people are denied the right of choice, recourse to such struggle is the only means of achieving their liberties.'''
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=8070 Message to Chairman Khrushchev Concerning the Meaning of Events in Cuba (18 April 1961)]&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;

* '''The great [[revolution]] in the history of man, past, present and future, is the revolution of those determined to be free.'''
** Message to Chairman Khrushchev Concerning the Meaning of Events in Cuba (18 April 1961)&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;.

*'''There's an old saying that victory has a hundred fathers and defeat is an orphan.... I'm the responsible officer of the Government.'''
** State Department press conference (21 April 1961), following the Bay of Pigs Invasion, as quoted in ''A Thousand Days : John F. Kennedy in the White House'' (1965, 2002 edition), by Arthur Schlesinger, p. 262; also in [http://books.google.com/books?id=McO2Co4Ih98C&amp;pg=PA234 ''The Quote Verifier'' (2006) by Ralph Keyes, p. 234]). The exact wording used by Kennedy (a hundred, not a thousand) had appeared in the 1951 film ''[[w:The Desert Fox: The Story of Rommel|The Desert Fox: The Story of Rommel]]'', as reported in ''Safire's New Political Dictionary'' (1993) by [[w:William Safire|William Safire]], pp 841–842). The earliest known occurrence is [[w:Galeazzo Ciano|Galeazzo Ciano]], ''Diary 1937-1943'', entry for 9 September 1942 (&quot;''La victoria trova cento padri, e nessuno vuole riconoscere l'insuccesso.''&quot;), but the earliest known occurrence on such a theme is in [[Tacitus]]'s : [http://www.sacred-texts.com/cla/tac/ag01020.htm Agricola Book 1 ab paragraph 27]: “Iniquissima haec bellorum condicio est: prospera omnes sibi vindicant, adversa uni imputantur.” (It is the singularly unfair peculiarity of war that '''the credit of success is claimed by all, while a disaster is attributed to one alone.''')

* If all of you had voted the other way — there's about 5500 of you here tonight — I would not be the President of the United States.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Address in Chicago at a dinner of the Democratic Party of Cook County (155),&quot; (28 April 1961)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1961'' --&gt;

* Commander [[Alan Shepard|Shepard]] has pointed out from the time that this flight began and from the time this flight was a success, that this was a common effort in which a good many men were involved. I think it does credit to him that he is associated with such a distinguished group of Americans whom we are all glad to honor today, his companions in the flight into outer space, so I think we want to give them all a hand. ... '''I also want to take cognizance of the fact that this flight was made out in the open with all the possibilities of failure, which would have been damaging to our country's prestige. Because great risks were taken in that regard, it seems to me that we have some right to claim that this open society of ours which risked much, gained much.''' ... This is a civilian award for a great civilian accomplishment, and therefore I want to again express my congratulations to Alan Shepard. We are very proud of him, and I speak on behalf of the [[Lyndon B. Johnson|Vice President]], who is Chairman of our Space Council and who bears great responsibilities in this field, and the Members of the House and Senate Space Committee who are with us today. ''[accidentally drops the medallion, and picks it up]'' '''This decoration which has gone﻿ from the ground up — ''here''.'''
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=8119 Remarks at the presentation of NASA's Distinguished Service Medal to Astronaut Alan B. Shepard (8 May 1961)] — [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0OurosNBFo Video of presentation at YouTube]

* '''[[Geography]] has made us neighbors. [[History]] has made us friends. [[Economics]] has made us partners. And necessity has made us allies. Those whom nature hath so joined together, let no man put asunder.'''
** Address to the Canadian Parliament (17 May 1961)

*It is not a pleasure for any [[President of the United States]], as I am sure it was not a pleasure for my predecessors, to come before the [[United States Congress|Congress]] and ask for new appropriations which place burdens on our people. I came to this conclusion with some reluctance. But in my judgment, this is a most serious time in the life of our country and in the life of freedom around the globe, and it is the obligation, I believe, of the President of the United States to at least make his recommendations to the Members of the Congress, so that they can reach their own conclusions with that judgment before them. You must decide yourselves, as I have decided, and I am confident that whether you finally decide in the way that I have decided or not, that your judgment--as my judgment--is reached on what is in the best interests of our country. 
**[https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/about-jfk/historic-speeches/address-to-joint-session-of-congress-may-25-196125 May 1961 in address to joint session of congress]

* '''There is danger that [[Totalitarianism|totalitarian]] governments, not subject to vigorous popular debate, will underestimate the will and unity of democratic societies where vital interests are concerned.'''
** President Kennedy's 13th News Conferences on June 28, 1961 John Source: [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/Press-Conferences/News-Conference-13.aspx F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum]

* And lastly, Chairman Khrushchev has compared the United States to a worn-out [[Running|runner]] living on its past performance, and stated that the [[Soviet Union]] would out-produce the United States by 1970. Without wishing to trade hyperbole with the Chairman, I do suggest that '''he reminds me of the [[Tigers|tiger]] [[Hunting|hunter]] who has picked a place on the wall to hang the tiger's skin long before he his caught the tiger. This tiger has other ideas.'''
** President Kennedy's 13th News Conferences on June 28, 1961 John Source: [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/Press-Conferences/News-Conference-13.aspx F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum]

* The education of our people should be a lifelong process by which we continue to feed new vigor into the lifestream of the Nation through intelligent, reasoned decisions. '''Let us not think of education only in terms of its costs, but rather in terms of the infinite potential of the human mind that can be realized through education. Let us think of education as the means of developing our greatest abilities, because in each of us there is a private hope and dream which, fulfilled, can be translated into benefit for everyone and greater strength for our Nation.'''
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=24146 &quot;Proclamation 3422 — American Education Week, 1961&quot; (25 July 1961)]&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;

* '''Freedom is not merely a word or an abstract theory, but the most effective instrument for advancing the welfare of man.'''
**[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=8271 Message to the Inter-American Economic and Social Conference at Punta del Este, Uruguay (5 August 1961)]&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;

* Somebody once said that [[Washington, D.C.|Washington]] was a city of Northern charm and [[Southern United States|Southern]] [[efficiency]].
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKPOF-036-014.aspx Speech] to the Trustees and Advisory Committee of the [[w:John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts|National Cultural Center]] in the White House Movie Theater, 14 November 1961

* We have become more and more not a nation of [[athletes]] but a nation of [[Spectator|spectators]].
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Remarks at National Football Foundation and Hall of Fame Banquet (496),&quot; December 5 1961. Public Papers of the Presidents: John F. Kennedy, 1961.]

* '''We must use time as a tool, not as a couch.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Address in New York City to the National Association of Manufacturers (496),&quot; December 5, 1961, Public Papers of the Presidents: John F. Kennedy, 1961.]

* I wonder how it is with you, Harold? If I don't have a woman for three days, I get terrible headaches.
** Conversation with [[w:Harold Macmillan, Earl of Stockton|Harold Macmillan]], in Bermuda (1961) as recounted by [[w:Richard Reeves|Richard Reeves]] in his book ''President Kennedy: Profile of Power'' (1994)

==== The City upon a Hill speech ====
:&lt;small&gt;[[s:Address of President-Elect John F. Kennedy Delivered to a Joint Convention of the General Court of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts|Speech to Massachusetts State Legislature]] (9 January 1961) in The State House, Boston; ''Congressional Record'', January 10, 1961, vol. 107, Appendix, p. A169. In this speech, given eleven days prior to his inauguration, the President-elect quotes John Winthrop's &quot;city upon a hill&quot; sermon and highlights four qualities that he hopes to bring to his presidency: courage, judgment, integrity and dedication. &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:John F. Kennedy campaigning in Florida 1960.jpg|thumb|When at some future date the high court of history sits in judgment on each of us — recording whether in our brief span of service we fulfilled our responsibilities to the state — our success or failure, in whatever office we hold, will be measured by the answers to four questions: ...]]

* During the last sixty days, I have been at the task of constructing an administration. It has been a long and deliberate process. Some have counseled greater speed. Others have counseled more expedient tests. But I have been guided by the standard [[John Winthrop]] set before his shipmates on the flagship ''Arbella'' three hundred and thirty-one years ago, as they, too, faced the task of building a new government on a perilous frontier. &quot;We must always consider,&quot; he said, &quot;that we shall be as a city upon a hill — the eyes of all people are upon us.&quot; '''Today the eyes of all people are truly upon us — and our governments, in every branch, at every level, national, state and local, must be as a [[w:City upon a Hill|city upon a hill]] — constructed and inhabited by men aware of their great trust and their great responsibilities.''' For we are setting out upon a voyage in 1961 no less hazardous than that undertaken by the ''Arbella'' in 1630. We are committing ourselves to tasks of statecraft no less awesome than that of governing the [[w:Massachusetts Bay Colony|Massachusetts Bay Colony]], beset as it was then by terror without and disorder within. History will not judge our endeavors — and a government cannot be selected — merely on the basis of color or creed or even party affiliation. Neither will competence and loyalty and stature, while essential to the utmost, suffice in times such as these.

* '''For of those to whom much is given, much is required.''' And when at some future date the high court of history sits in judgment on each of us — recording whether in our brief span of service we fulfilled our responsibilities to the state — '''our success or failure, in whatever office we hold, will be measured by the answers to four questions:&lt;br&gt;First, were we truly men of courage — with the courage to stand up to one's enemies — and the courage to stand up, when necessary, to one's associates — the courage to resist public pressure, as well as private greed?&lt;br&gt;Secondly, were we truly men of judgment — with perceptive judgment of the future as well as the past — of our mistakes as well as the mistakes of others — with enough wisdom to know what we did not know and enough candor to admit it?&lt;br&gt;Third, were we truly men of integrity — men who never ran out on either the principles in which we believed or the men who believed in us — men whom neither financial gain nor political ambition could ever divert from the fulfillment of our sacred trust?&lt;br&gt;Finally, were we truly men of dedication — with an honor mortgaged to no single individual or group, and comprised of no private obligation or aim, but devoted solely to serving the public good and the national interest?&lt;br&gt;Courage — judgment — integrity — dedication — these are the historic qualities''' ... which, with God's help ... will characterize our Government's conduct in the 4 stormy years that lie ahead.

==== Inaugural Address ====
[[File:President Kennedy inaugural address (color).jpg|thumb|Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans.]]
[[File:USA NYC Statue-of-Liberty.jpg|thumb|Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.]]
[[File:Jfk inauguration.jpg|thumb|In your hands, my fellow citizens, more than in mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course.]]
[[File:Ask not what your country can do for you.jpg|thumb|The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it — and the glow from that fire can truly light the world. And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.]]
[[File:Sun Falls on Iwo Jima.jpg|thumb|With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own.]]

:&lt;small&gt;[http://avalon.law.yale.edu/20th_century/kennedy.asp Inaugural address, Washington D.C. (20 January 1961)] [[:Image:Kennedy inauguration footage.ogg|(video file)]]. In his speech President Kennedy urges American citizens to participate in public service and &quot;ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.&quot; [http://www.jfklibrary.org/JFK/Historic-Speeches/Multilingual-Inaugural-Address.aspx This is also the speech he delivered announcing the dawn of a new era as young Americans born in the 20th century first assumed leadership of the Nation.]&lt;/small&gt;

* Vice President [[Lyndon B. Johnson|Johnson]], [[w:John William McCormack|Mr. Speaker]], [[Earl Warren|Mr. Chief Justice]], President [[Dwight David Eisenhower|Eisenhower]], Vice President [[Richard Nixon|Nixon]], President [[Harry S. Truman|Truman]], reverend clergy, fellow citizens, '''we observe today not a victory of party, but a celebration of freedom — symbolizing an end, as well as a beginning — signifying renewal, as well as change.''' For I have sworn before you and Almighty God the same solemn oath our forebears prescribed nearly a century and three quarters ago.

* The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life. And yet the same revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought are still at issue around the globe — the belief that '''the rights of man come not from the generosity of the state, but from the hand of [[God]].'''

* '''Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans''' — born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage — and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those [[human rights]] to which this Nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world.
** The quote &quot;Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans&quot; is [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Researchold/Ready-Reference/JFK-Miscellaneous-Information/Grave-Inscription.aspx one of seven quotes inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.] 

* '''Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.'''
** This is one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]]

* To those old allies whose cultural and spiritual origins we share, we pledge the loyalty of faithful friends. '''United, there is little we cannot do in a host of cooperative ventures. Divided, there is little we can do — for we dare not meet a powerful challenge at odds and split asunder.'''

* To those new States whom we welcome to the ranks of the free, we pledge our word that one form of [[Colonialism|colonial]] control shall not have passed away merely to be replaced by a far more iron tyranny. We shall not always expect to find them supporting our view. But we shall always hope to find them strongly supporting their own freedom — and to remember that, in the past, '''those who foolishly sought power by riding the back of the tiger ended up inside.'''

* To those people in the huts and villages of half the globe struggling to break the bonds of mass [[misery]], we pledge our best efforts to help them help themselves, for whatever period is required — not because the communists may be doing it, not because we seek their votes, but because it is right. '''If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.'''

* Finally, '''to those nations who would make themselves our adversary''', we offer not a pledge but a request: that both sides begin anew the quest for peace, before the dark powers of destruction unleashed by science engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self-destruction. '''We dare not tempt them with weakness. For only when our arms are sufficient beyond doubt can we be certain beyond doubt that they will never be employed.'''

* So let us begin anew — remembering on both sides that '''civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof. Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.''' &lt;br/&gt; '''Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us. [...] Let both sides seek to invoke the wonders of science instead of its terrors.''' Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths, and encourage the arts and commerce. &lt;br/&gt; '''Let both sides unite to heed in all corners of the earth the command of [[Isaiah]] — to &quot;undo the heavy burdens … and to let the oppressed go free.&quot;'''

* If a beachhead of cooperation may push back the jungle of suspicion, let both sides join in creating a new endeavor, not a new balance of power, but '''a new world of law, where the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved.''' &lt;br/&gt; '''All this will not be finished in the first one hundred days. Nor will it be finished in the first one thousand days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin.'''

* '''[[Abraham_Lincoln#First_Inaugural_Address_.281861.29|In your hands, my fellow citizens]], more than in mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course. Since this country was founded, each generation of Americans has been summoned to give testimony to its national loyalty.''' The graves of young Americans who answered the call to service surround the globe.

* '''Now the trumpet summons us again — not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need; not as a call to battle, though embattled we are — but a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle''', year in and year out, &quot;rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation&quot; — '''a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease, and war itself.''' Can we forge against these enemies a grand and global alliance, North and South, East and West, that can assure a more fruitful life for all mankind? Will you join in that historic effort?
** The bold portions are one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]]

* In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility — I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. '''The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it — and the glow from that fire can truly light the world. &lt;br/&gt; And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country. &lt;br/&gt; My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.'''
** &quot;In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility — I welcome it.&quot; is one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]]
** &quot;The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it — and the glow from that fire can truly light the world.&quot; is one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]]
** &quot;And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.&quot; is one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]]
** It has been reported at various places on the internet that in JFK's Inaugural address, the famous line &quot;Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country&quot;, was inspired by, or even a direct quotation of the famous and much esteemed writer and poet [[Khalil Gibran]]. Gibran in 1925 wrote in Arabic a line that has been translated as:
**::'''''Are you a politician asking what your country can do for you or a zealous one asking what you can do for your country?'''''
**::If you are the first, then you are a parasite; if the second, then you are an oasis in a desert.''
** However, this ''translation'' of Gibran is one that occurred over a decade after Kennedy's 1961 speech, appearing in ''A Third Treasury of Kahlil Gibran'' (1975) edited by Andrew Dib Sherfan, and the translator most likely drew upon Kennedy's famous words in expressing Gibran's prior ideas. For a further [[Talk:John_F._Kennedy#.22Ask_not....22|discussion regarding the quote see here]].

* Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. '''[[Abraham_Lincoln#Second_Inaugural_Address_.281865.29|With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds]], let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own.'''
** This is one of seven quotes inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy, Arlington National Cemetery.

====State of the Union====
:[[s:John F. Kennedy's First State of the Union Address|First State of the Union Address]] (30 January 1961)

* '''Our Constitution wisely assigns both joint and separate roles to each branch of the government; and a President and a Congress who hold each other in mutual respect will neither permit nor attempt any trespass.'''

* '''Where nature makes natural allies of us all, we can demonstrate that beneficial relations are possible even with those with whom we most deeply disagree-and this must someday be the basis of world peace and world law.'''

* The deadly arms race, and the huge resources it absorbs, have too long overshadowed all else we must do. We must prevent that arms race from spreading to new nations, to new nuclear powers and to the reaches of outer space.

==== Address before the American Society of Newspaper Editors ====
{{Smallcite|1=[http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Address-before-the-American-Society-of-Newspaper-Editors-April-20-1961.aspx Address before the American Society of Newspaper Editors at the Statler Hilton Hotel in Washington, D.C. (April 20, 1961)] In his speech President Kennedy discusses the purpose of American intervention abroad and the spread of communist ideology to Latin America and Southeast Asia, with particular emphasis on the [[w:Bay of Pigs incident|Bay of Pigs incident]] that occurred in Cuba four days prior.

Following his address before the American Society of Newspapers President Kennedy assumed responsibily for the Bay of Pigs Invasion at the next day by saying: &quot;There's an old saying that victory has a hundred fathers and defeat is an orphan.... I'm the responsible officer of the Government.&quot; (Source: State Department press conference 21 April 1961, following the Bay of Pigs Invasion. Schlesinger, Arthur M. Jr. 1965, 2002. ''A Thousand Days: John F. Kennedy in the White House''. Houghton Mifflin {{ISBN|1-57912-449-6}} {{ISBN|978-1-57912-449-6}}, p. 262.)}}

* '''The President of a''' great '''democracy''' such as ours, '''and the editors of''' great '''newspapers''' such as yours, '''owe a common obligation to the people: an obligation to present the facts, to present them with candor, and to present them in perspective.'''

* '''If the self-discipline of the free cannot match the iron discipline of the mailed fist'''-in economic, political, scientific and all the other kinds of struggles as well as the military-'''then the peril to freedom will continue to rise.'''

* '''The complacent, the self-indulgent, the soft societies are about to be swept away with the debris of history. Only the strong, only the industrious, only the determined, only the courageous, only the visionary who determine the real nature of our struggle can possibly survive.'''

==== Address to ANPA ====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/JFK-Speeches/American-Newspaper-Publishers-Association_19610427.aspx Address before the American Newspaper Publishers Association (27 April 1961)] [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKWHA-025-001.aspx Audio] President Kennedy's address was delivered to the American Newspaper Publishers Association at a Bureau of Advertising dinner held at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York City. In his speech President Kennedy addresses his discontent with the press's news coverage before, during, and after the [[w:Bay of Pigs incident|Bay of Pigs incident]], suggesting that there is a need for &quot;far greater public information&quot; and &quot;far greater official secrecy.&quot; &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:John F Kennedy 1964 Issue-5c.jpg|thumb|The very word &quot;secrecy&quot; is repugnant in a free and open society; and we are as a people inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths and to secret proceedings. ... there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions. Even today, there is little value in insuring the survival of our nation if our traditions do not survive with it.]]
[[File:DBP 1964 453 John F. Kennedy.jpg|thumb|No President should fear public scrutiny of his program. For from that scrutiny comes understanding; and from that understanding comes support or opposition. And both are necessary.]]
[[File:JFK grave.jpg|thumb|Without debate, without criticism, no Administration and no country can succeed — and no republic can survive.]]
[[File:John F Kennedy 1967 Issue-13c.jpg|thumb|Man will be what he was born to be: free and independent.]]

* I appreciate very much your generous invitation to be here tonight. You bear heavy responsibilities these days and an article I read some time ago reminded me of how particularly heavily the burdens of present day events bear upon your profession. You may remember that in 1851 the [[w:New York Herald Tribune|New York Herald Tribune]] under the sponsorship and publishing of [[Horace Greeley]], employed as its [[London]] correspondent an obscure [[Journalism|journalist]] by the name of [[Karl Marx]]. &lt;br&gt; We are told that foreign correspondent Marx, stone broke, and with a family ill and undernourished, constantly appealed to Greeley and managing editor [[w:Charles Anderson Dana|Charles Dana]] for an increase in his munificent salary of $5 per installment, a salary which he and [[Friedrich Engels|Engels]] ungratefully labeled as the &quot;lousiest [[petty bourgeois]] cheating.&quot; &lt;br&gt; But when all his financial appeals were refused, Marx looked around for other means of livelihood and fame, eventually terminating his relationship with the Tribune and devoting his talents full time to the cause that would bequeath the world the seeds of [[Leninism]], [[Stalinism]], [[revolution]] and the [[Cold War|cold war]]. &lt;br&gt; If only this [[Capitalism|capitalistic]] [[New York City|New York]] [[Newspapers|newspaper]] had treated him more kindly; if only Marx had remained a foreign correspondent, history might have been different. And I hope all publishers will bear this lesson in mind the next time they receive a poverty-stricken appeal for a small increase in the expense account from an obscure newspaper man.

* '''I want to talk about our common responsibilities in the face of a common danger. The events of recent weeks may have helped to illuminate that challenge for some; but the dimensions of its threat have loomed large on the horizon for many years.''' Whatever our hopes may be for the future — for reducing this threat or living with it — there is no escaping either the gravity or the totality of its challenge to our survival and to our security — a challenge that confronts us in unaccustomed ways in every sphere of human activity. &lt;br&gt; This deadly challenge imposes upon our society two requirements of direct concern both to the press and to the President — two requirements that may seem almost contradictory in tone, but which must be reconciled and fulfilled if we are to meet this national peril. '''I refer, first, to the need for a far greater public information; and, second, to the need for far greater official secrecy.'''

* '''The very word &quot;[[secrecy]]&quot; is repugnant in a free and open society; and we are as a people inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths and to secret proceedings.''' We decided long ago that the dangers of excessive and unwarranted concealment of pertinent facts far outweighed the dangers which are cited to justify it. Even today, '''there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions. Even today, there is little value in insuring the survival of our nation if our traditions do not survive with it. And there is very grave danger that an announced need for increased security will be seized upon by those anxious to expand its meaning to the very limits of official censorship and concealment.''' That I do not intend to permit to the extent that it is in my control. And '''no official of my Administration, whether his rank is high or low, civilian or military, should interpret my words here tonight as an excuse to censor the news, to stifle dissent, to cover up our mistakes or to withhold from the press and the public the facts they deserve to know.'''

* '''Today no war has been declared — and however fierce the struggle may be, it may never be declared in the traditional fashion. Our way of life is under attack.''' Those who make themselves our enemy are advancing around the globe. '''The survival of our friends is in danger.''' And yet no war has been declared, no borders have been crossed by marching troops, no missiles have been fired. &lt;br&gt; If the press is awaiting a declaration of war before it imposes the self-discipline of combat conditions, then I can only say that no war ever posed a greater threat to our security. '''If you are awaiting a finding of [[w:Clear and present danger|&quot;clear and present danger]],&quot; then I can only say that the danger has never been more clear and its presence has never been more imminent.''' &lt;br&gt; It requires a change in outlook, a change in tactics, a change in missions — by the government, by the people, by every businessman or labor leader, and by every newspaper. For '''we are opposed around the world by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy that relies primarily on covert means for expanding its sphere of influence — on infiltration instead of invasion, on subversion instead of elections, on intimidation instead of free choice, on guerrillas by night instead of armies by day. It is a system which has conscripted vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly knit, highly efficient machine that combines military, diplomatic, intelligence, economic, scientific and political operations. Its preparations are concealed, not published. Its mistakes are buried, not headlined. Its dissenters are silenced not praised. No expenditure is questioned, no rumor is printed, no secret is revealed.''' It conducts the Cold War, in short, with a war-time discipline no democracy would ever hope or wish to match. &lt;br&gt; Nevertheless, every democracy recognizes the necessary restraints of national security — and the question remains whether those restraints need to be more strictly observed if we are to oppose this kind of attack as well as outright invasion.

* '''No President should fear public scrutiny of his program. For from that scrutiny comes understanding; and from that understanding comes support or opposition. And both are necessary.''' I am not asking your newspapers to support the Administration, but I am asking your help in the tremendous task of informing and alerting the American people. For I have complete confidence in the response and dedication of our citizens whenever they are fully informed. &lt;br&gt; I not only could not stifle controversy among your readers — I welcome it. This Administration intends to be candid about its errors; for as '''[[w:Orlando Aloysius Battista|a wise man]] once said: &quot;An error does not become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.&quot;''' We intend to accept full responsibility for our errors; and we expect you to point them out when we miss them.

* '''Without [[debate]], without [[criticism]], no Administration and no country can succeed — and no [[republic]] can survive.''' That is why the [[Athens|Athenian]] lawmaker [[Solon]] decreed it a crime for any citizen to shrink from controversy. '''And that is why our press was protected by the [[First Amendment to the United States Constitution|First Amendment]]''' — the only business in America specifically protected by the Constitution- -'''not primarily to amuse and entertain, not to emphasize the trivial and the sentimental, not to simply &quot;give the public what it wants&quot; — but to inform, to arouse, to reflect, to state our dangers and our opportunities, to indicate our crises and our choices, to lead, mold, educate and sometimes even anger public opinion. &lt;br&gt; This means greater coverage and analysis of international news — for it is no longer far away and foreign but close at hand and local. It means greater attention to improved understanding of the news as well as improved transmission. And it means, finally, that government at all levels, must meet its obligation to provide you with the fullest possible information outside the narrowest limits of national security''' — and we intend to do it.

* It was early in the Seventeenth Century that [[Francis Bacon]] remarked on three recent inventions already transforming the world: the compass, gunpowder and the printing press. Now the links between the nations first forged by the compass have made us all citizens of the world, the hopes and threats of one becoming the hopes and threats of us all. In that one world's efforts to live together, the evolution of gunpowder to its ultimate limit has warned mankind of the terrible consequences of failure. &lt;br&gt; And so it is to the printing press — to the recorder of man's deeds, the keeper of his conscience, the courier of his news — that we look for strength and assistance, confident that with your help '''man will be what he was born to be: free and independent.'''
** Kennedy here references [[Francis Bacon]]'s Aphorism 129 of ''[[w:Novum Organum|Novum Organum]]'': [[s:Novum Organum/Book I (Wood)|Again, we should notice the force, effect, and consequences of inventions, which are nowhere more conspicuous than in those three which were unknown to the ancients; namely, printing, gunpowder, and the compass. For these three have changed the appearance and state of the whole world; first in literature, then in warfare, and lastly in navigation: and innumerable changes have been thence derived, so that no empire, sect, or star, appears to have exercised a greater power and influence on human affairs than these mechanical discoveries.]]

==== Speech to Special Joint Session of Congress ====
[[File:USA123.jpg|thumb|We stand, as we have always stood from our earliest beginnings, for the [[independence]] and [[equality]] of all nations. This nation was born of [[revolution]] and raised in [[freedom]]. And we do not intend to leave an open road for [[despotism]].]]
[[File:USS Constitution vs Guerriere.jpg|thumb|Experience has taught us that no one nation has the power or the wisdom to solve all the problems of the world or manage its revolutionary tides-that extending our commitments does not always increase our security--that any initiative carries with it the risk of a temporary defeat--that [[nuclear weapons]] cannot prevent subversion--that no free people can be kept free without will and energy of their own-- and that no two nations or situations are exactly alike.]]
[[File:USCurrency Federal Reserve.jpg|thumb|Our security and progress cannot be cheaply purchased; and their price must be found in what we all forego as well as what we all must pay.]]
[[File:Kennedy Giving Historic Speech to Congress - GPN-2000-001658.jpg|thumb|I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the Earth.]]
{{original recording|Discurso de Kennedy.ogg}}
[[File:Apollo 11 Launch2.jpg|thumb|But in a very real sense, it will not be one man going to the moon — if we make this judgment affirmatively, it will be an entire nation.]]
[[File:Kennedyallee Plittersdorf.jpg|thumb|If we are to go only half way, or reduce our sights in the face of difficulty, in my judgment it would be better not to go at all.]]
[[File:Cropped Earth with Sunburst.PNG|thumb|There is no sense in agreeing or desiring that the United States take an affirmative position in outer space, unless we are prepared to do the work and bear the burdens to make it successful. ]]
[[File:March to Vincennes.jpg|thumb|Our country is united in its commitment to freedom-and is ready to do its duty.]]
:&lt;small&gt; [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/special-message-the-congress-urgent-national-needs Address to a Joint Session of Congress (25 May 1961)]; this includes his Special Message to the Congress on urgent national needs the goal of sending a Man to the Moon before the 1960's are over. More specifically President Kennedy asked for an additional $7 billion to $9 billion over the next five years for the space program, proclaiming that “this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before the decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth.” President Kennedy settled upon this dramatic goal as a means of focusing and mobilizing our lagging space efforts. He did not justify the needed expenditure on the basis of science and exploration, but placed the program clearly in the camp of the competing ideologies of [[democracy]] vs. [[communism]].&lt;/small&gt;

* '''These are extraordinary times. And we face an extraordinary challenge. Our strength as well as our convictions have imposed upon this nation the role of leader in [[freedom]]'s cause. No role in history could be more difficult or more important. We stand for freedom. That is our conviction for ourselves--that is our only commitment to others. No friend, no neutral and no adversary should think otherwise. We are not against any man--or any nation--or any system--except as it is hostile to freedom. Nor am I here to present a new military doctrine, bearing any one name or aimed at any one area. I am here to promote the freedom doctrine.'''

* '''The great battleground for the defense and expansion of freedom today is''' the whole southern half of the globe--[[Asia]], [[Latin America]], [[Africa]] and the [[Middle East]]--'''the lands of the rising peoples. Their revolution is the greatest in human [[history]]. They seek an end to [[injustice]], [[tyranny]], and exploitation. More than an end, they seek a beginning. And theirs is a revolution which we would support regardless of the [[Cold War]], and regardless of which political or economic route they should choose to freedom. For the adversaries of freedom did not create the revolution; nor did they create the conditions which compel it. But they are seeking to ride the crest of its wave--to capture it for themselves. Yet their aggression is more often concealed than open. They have fired no missiles; and their troops are seldom seen. They send arms, agitators, aid, technicians and propaganda to every troubled area. But where fighting is required, it is usually done by others--by guerrillas striking at night, by assassins striking alone'''--assassins who have taken the lives of four thousand civil officers in the last twelve months in [[Vietnam War|Vietnam]] alone--'''by subversives and saboteurs and [[Insurrection|insurrectionists]], who in some cases control whole areas inside of independent nations. They possess a powerful intercontinental striking force, large forces for conventional war, a well-trained underground in nearly every country, the power to conscript talent and manpower for any purpose, the capacity for quick decisions, a closed society without dissent or free information, and long experience in the techniques of violence and subversion. They make the most of their scientific successes, their economic progress and their pose as a foe of colonialism and friend of popular revolution. They prey on unstable or unpopular governments, unsealed, or unknown boundaries, unfilled hopes, convulsive change, massive poverty, illiteracy, unrest and frustration. With these formidable weapons, the adversaries of freedom plan to consolidate their territory--to exploit, to control, and finally to destroy the hopes of the world's newest nations; and they have ambition to do it before the end of this decade. It is a contest of will and purpose as well as force and violence--a battle for minds and souls as well as lives and territory. And in that contest, we cannot stand aside. We stand, as we have always stood from our earliest beginnings, for the [[independence]] and [[equality]] of all nations. This nation was born of [[revolution]] and raised in [[freedom]]. And we do not intend to leave an open road for [[despotism]].'''

* '''There is no single simple policy which meets this challenge. Experience has taught us that no one nation has the power or the wisdom to solve all the problems of the world or manage its revolutionary tides-that extending our commitments does not always increase our security--that any initiative carries with it the risk of a temporary defeat--that [[Nuclear weapons|nuclear weapons]] cannot prevent subversion--that no free people can be kept free without will and energy of their own-- and that no two nations or situations are exactly alike.'''

* '''Our security and progress cannot be cheaply purchased; and their price must be found in what we all forego as well as what we all must pay.'''

* I stress the strength of our economy because it is essential to the strength of our nation. And what is true in our case is true in the case of other countries. Their strength in the struggle for freedom depends on the strength of their economic and their social progress. We would be badly mistaken to consider their problems in military terms alone. For '''no amount of arms and armies can help stabilize those governments which are unable or unwilling to achieve social and economic reform and development. Military pacts cannot help nations whose social injustice and economic chaos invite insurgency and penetration and subversion.''' The most skillful counter-guerrilla efforts cannot succeed where the local population is too caught up in its own misery to be concerned about the advance of [[communism]].'''

* This is also our great '''opportunity''' in 1961. '''If we grasp it, then subversion to prevent its success is exposed as an unjustifiable attempt to keep these nations from either being free or equal. But if we do not pursue it, and if they do not pursue it, the bankruptcy of unstable governments, one by one, and of unfilled hopes will surely lead to a series of totalitarian receiverships.'''

* But '''while we talk of sharing and building and the competition of ideas, others talk of arms and threaten war. So we have learned to keep our defenses strong--and to cooperate with others in a partnership of self-defense.'''

* '''The main burden of local defense against local attack, subversion, insurrection or guerrilla warfare must of necessity rest with local forces. Where these forces have the necessary will and capacity to cope with such threats, our intervention is rarely necessary or helpful.''' Where the will is present and only capacity is lacking, '''our Military Assistance Program''' can be of help. But this program, like economic assistance, needs a new emphasis. It '''cannot be extended without regard to the social, political and military reforms essential to internal respect and stability. The equipment and training provided must be tailored to legitimate local needs and to our own foreign and military policies, not to our supply of military stocks or a local leader's desire for military display. And military assistance can, in addition to its military purposes, make a contribution to economic progress''', as do our own Army Engineers.

* Military and economic assistance has been a heavy burden on our citizens for a long time, and I recognize the strong pressures against it; but this battle is far from over, it is reaching a crucial stage, and I believe we should participate in it. '''We cannot merely state our opposition to totalitarian advance without paying the price of helping those now under the greatest pressure.'''

* This Administration has been looking hard at exactly what '''civil defense''' can and cannot do. It '''cannot be obtained cheaply. It cannot give an assurance of blast protection that will be proof against surprise attack or guaranteed against obsolescence or destruction. And it cannot deter a nuclear attack. We will deter an enemy from making a nuclear attack only if our retaliatory power is so strong and so invulnerable that he knows he would be destroyed by our response. If we have that strength, civil defense is not needed to deter an attack. If we should ever lack it, civil defense would not be an adequate substitute. But this deterrent concept assumes rational calculations by rational men. And the history of this planet, and particularly the history of the [[20th century]], is sufficient to remind us of the possibilities of an irrational attack, a miscalculation, an accidental war, for a war of escalation in which the stakes by each side gradually increase to the point of maximum danger which cannot be either foreseen or deterred. It is on this basis that civil defense can be readily justifiable--as insurance for the civilian population in case of an enemy miscalculation. It is insurance we trust will never be needed--but insurance which we could never forgive ourselves for foregoing in the event of catastrophe.''' Once the validity of this concept is recognized, there is no point in delaying the initiation of a nation-wide long-range program of identifying present fallout shelter capacity and providing shelter in new and existing structures. '''Such a program would protect millions of people against the hazards of radioactive fallout in the event of large-scale nuclear attack.''' Effective performance of the entire program not only requires new legislative authority and more funds, but also sound organizational arrangements.

* I cannot end this discussion of defense and armaments without emphasizing '''our strongest hope: the creation of an orderly world where disarmament will be possible. Our aims do not prepare for war--they are efforts to discourage and resist the adventures of others that could end in war.
'''
* Finally, if we are to win the battle that is now going on around the world between freedom and tyranny, the dramatic achievements in space which occurred in recent weeks should have made clear to us all, as did the [[w:Sputnik crisis|Sputnik in 1957]], the impact of this adventure on the minds of men everywhere, who are attempting to make a determination of which road they should take. [...] '''Now it is time to take longer strides — time for a great new American enterprise — time for this nation to take a clearly leading role in space achievement, which in many ways may hold the key to our future on earth. I believe we possess all the resources and talents necessary.''' But the facts of the matter are that we have never made the national decisions or marshaled the national resources required for such leadership. We have never specified long-range goals on an urgent time schedule, or managed our resources and our time so as to insure theft fulfillment. &lt;/br&gt; Recognizing the head start obtained by the Soviets with their large rocket engines, which gives them many months of lead-time, and recognizing the likelihood that they will exploit this lead for some time to come in still more impressive successes, we nevertheless are required to make new efforts on our own. For '''while we cannot guarantee that we shall one day be first, we can guarantee that any failure to make this effort will make us last. We take an additional risk by making it in full view of the world, but as shown by [[w:Project_Mercury#Space_race|feat]] of [[w:Alan Shepard#Mercury:_Freedom_7_pilot|astronaut Shepard]], this very risk enhances our stature when we are successful. But this is not merely a race. Space is open to us now; and our eagerness to share its meaning is not governed by the efforts of others. We go into space because whatever mankind must undertake, free men must fully share.'''

* '''I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth. No single space project in this period will be more impressive to mankind, or more important for the long-range exploration of space; and none will be so difficult or expensive to accomplish.''' We propose to accelerate the development of the appropriate lunar space craft. We propose to develop alternate liquid and solid fuel boosters, much larger than any now being developed, until certain which is superior. We propose additional funds for other engine development and for unmanned explorations — explorations which are particularly important for one purpose which this nation will never overlook: the survival of the man who first makes this daring flight. '''But in a very real sense, it will not be one man going to the moon — if we make this judgment affirmatively, it will be an entire nation. For all of us must work to put him there.'''

* Let it be clear — and this is a judgment which the Members of the Congress must finally make — let it be clear that I am asking the Congress and the country to accept a firm commitment to a new course of action — a course which will last for many years and carry very heavy costs: 531 million dollars in fiscal '62 — an estimated seven to nine billion dollars additional over the next five years. '''If we are to go only half way, or reduce our sights in the face of difficulty, in my judgment it would be better not to go at all.'''

* '''It is a most important decision that we make as a nation.''' But all of you have lived through the last four years and have seen the significance of space and the adventures in space, and no one can predict with certainty what the ultimate meaning will be of mastery of space. '''I believe we should go to the moon.''' But I think every citizen of this country as well as the Members of the Congress should consider the matter carefully in making their judgment, to which we have given attention over many weeks and months, because it is a heavy burden, and '''there is no sense in agreeing or desiring that the United States take an affirmative position in outer space, unless we are prepared to do the work and bear the burdens to make it successful.''' If we are not, we should decide today and this year.

* '''This decision demands a major national commitment of scientific and technical manpower, materiel and facilities''', and the possibility of their diversion from other important activities where they are already thinly spread. It means a degree of dedication, organization and discipline which have not always characterized our research and development efforts. '''It means we cannot afford undue work stoppages, inflated costs of material or talent, wasteful interagency rivalries, or a high turnover of key personnel. New objectives and new money cannot solve these problems. They could in fact, aggravate them further — unless every scientist, every engineer, every serviceman, every technician, contractor, and civil servant gives his personal pledge that this nation will move forward, with the full speed of freedom, in the exciting adventure of space.'''

* '''In conclusion, let me emphasize one point:''' that '''we are determined''', as a nation in 1961 '''that freedom shall survive and succeed--and whatever the peril and set-backs, we have some very large advantages. The first is the simple fact that we are on the side of [[liberty]]--and since the beginning of history, and particularly since the end of the [[Second World War]], liberty has been winning out all over the globe. A second great asset is that we are not alone. We have friends and allies all over the world who share our devotion to freedom. [...] A third asset is our desire for peace. It is sincere, and I believe the world knows it. [...] Yet it is important to know that our patience at the bargaining table is nearly inexhaustible, though our credulity is limited-that our hopes for peace are unfailing, while our determination to protect our security is resolute.'''

* '''Finally, our greatest asset in this struggle is the American people--their willingness to pay the price for these programs--to understand and accept a long struggle--to share their resources with other less fortunate people-to meet the [[Taxation in the United States|tax]] levels and close the tax loopholes I have requested--to exercise self-restraint instead of pushing up wages or prices, or over-producing certain crops, or spreading military secrets, or urging unessential expenditures or improper monopolies or harmful work stoppages--to serve in the Peace Corps or the Armed Services or the Federal Civil Service or the Congress--to strive for excellence in their schools, in their cities and in their physical fitness and that of their children--to take part in Civil Defense-to pay higher postal rates, and higher payroll taxes and higher teachers' salaries, in order to strengthen our society--to show friendship to students and visitors from other lands who visit us and go back in many cases to be the future leaders, with an image of America--and I want that image, and I know you do, to be affirmative and positive-and, finally, to practice [[democracy]] at home, in all States, with all races, to respect each other and to protect the Constitutional rights of all citizens.'''

* I have not asked for a single program which did not cause one or all Americans some inconvenience, or some hardship, or some sacrifice. But they have responded-and you in the Congress have responded to your duty--and I feel confident in asking today for a similar response to these new and larger demands. '''It is heartening to know''', as I journey abroad, '''that our country is united in its commitment to freedom-and is ready to do its duty.'''

==== [[w:Berlin Crisis of 1961|Berlin Crisis]] speech ====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/berlin-crisis-19610725 &quot;Radio and Television Report to the American People on the Berlin Crisis&quot; (25 July 1961)]; addressing the impending possibility of war between the United States and the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]] (USSR) over the [[w:Berlin Crisis of 1961|crisis in]] [[w:Berlin|Berlin]], [[w:Germany|Germany]]. In his speech the President addresses the Soviet Union's attempts to cut off America's access to West Berlin, thus making it impossible to secure freedom from [[communism]] for the people of Berlin. The President goes on to discuss the imminent threat of [[w:nuclear war|nuclear war]] and his plan to increase funding and manpower for the military, provide appropriate communications for air raid warnings, and ensure that all Americans have access to fall-out shelters should a [[w:nuclear holocaust|nuclear holocaust]] occur. &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:McAuliffeBastogneChristmasLetter101Airborne.jpg|thumb|Any dangerous spot is tenable if men--brave men--will make it so.]]
[[File:NATO flag.svg|thumb|The strength of the alliance on which our security depends is dependent in turn on our willingness to meet our commitments to them.]]
[[File:US Army tanks face off against Soviet tanks, Berlin 1961.jpg|thumb|If there is one path above all others to war, it is the path of weakness and disunity.]]
[[File:JFK speech lch bin ein berliner 1.jpg|thumb|With your help, and the help of other free men, this crisis can be surmounted. Freedom can prevail and peace can endure.]]

* '''We are clear about what must be done--and we intend to do it.''' I want to talk frankly with you tonight about the first steps that we shall take. '''These actions will require sacrifice on the part of many of our citizens. More will be required in the future. They will require, from all of us, courage and perseverance in the years to come. But if we and our allies act out of strength and unity of purpose--with calm determination and steady nerves--using restraint in our words as well as our weapons--I am hopeful that both peace and freedom will be sustained.'''

* I hear it said that [[w:Battle of Berlin|West Berlin]] is militarily untenable. And so was [[w:Siege of Bastogne|Bastogne]]. And so, in fact, was [[w:Battle of Stalingrad|Stalingrad]]. '''Any dangerous spot is tenable if men--brave men--will make it so.'''

* We do not want to fight — but we have fought before. And others in earlier times have made the same dangerous mistake of assuming that the West was too selfish and too soft and too divided to resist invasions of freedom in other lands. Those who threaten to unleash the forces of war on a dispute over West Berlin should recall the words of the ancient philosopher: &quot;[[w:Epicurus |A man who causes fear cannot be free from fear.]]&quot;

* '''Everything essential to the security of freedom must be done; and if that should require more men, or more [[Taxation|taxes]], or more controls, or other new powers, I shall not hesitate to ask them. [...] I realize that no public revenue measure is welcomed by everyone. But I am certain that every American wants to pay his fair share, and not leave the burden of defending freedom entirely to those who bear arms. For we have mortgaged our very future on this defense--and we cannot fail to meet our responsibilities.'''

* '''We do not intend to abandon our duty to mankind to seek a peaceful solution.''' As signers of the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]], '''we shall always be prepared to discuss international problems with any and all nations that are willing to talk — and listen — with reason. If they have proposals — not demands — we shall hear them. If they seek genuine understanding — not concessions of our [[rights]] — we shall meet with them.''' We have previously indicated our readiness to remove any actual irritants in West Berlin, but '''the freedom''' of that city '''is not negotiable. We cannot negotiate with those who say &quot;What's mine is mine and what's yours is negotiable.&quot; But we are willing to consider any arrangement or treaty''' in [[Germany]] '''consistent with the maintenance of peace and freedom, and with the legitimate security interests of all nations. [...] In short, while we are ready to defend our interests, we shall also be ready to search for peace--in quiet exploratory talks--in formal or informal meetings. '''

* '''The strength of the alliance on which our security depends is dependent in turn on our willingness to meet our commitments to them.'''

* We will at all times be ready to talk, if '''talk''' will help. But we must also be ready to resist with '''force''', if force is used upon us. '''Either alone would fail. Together, they can serve the cause of freedom and peace.'''

* And as Americans know from our history [[w:American Frontier|on our own old frontier]], '''gun battles are caused by outlaws, and not by officers of the peace.'''

* And '''if there is one path above all others to war, it is the path of weakness and disunity.'''

* '''When I ran for Presidency of the United States, I knew that this country faced serious challenges, but I could not realize — nor could any man realize who does not bear the burdens of this office — how heavy and constant would be those burdens.'''

* Now, '''in the [[w:nuclear age|thermonuclear age]], any misjudgment on either side about the intentions of the other could rain more devastation in several hours than has been wrought in all the wars of human history.''' Therefore I, as President and Commander-in-Chief, and all of us as Americans, are moving through serious days. I shall bear this responsibility under our Constitution for the next three and one-half years, but I am sure that '''we all, regardless of our occupations, will do our very best for our country, and for our cause. For all of us want to see our children grow up in a country at peace, and in a world where freedom endures. I know that sometimes we get impatient, we wish for some immediate action that would end our perils. But I must tell you that there is no quick and easy solution. [...] We must look to long days ahead, which if we are courageous and persevering can bring us what we all desire.'''

* The steps I have indicated tonight are aimed at avoiding that war. To sum it all up: '''we seek peace — but we shall not surrender.''' That is the central meaning of this crisis, and the meaning of your government's policy. '''With your help, and the help of other free men, this crisis can be surmounted. Freedom can prevail and peace can endure.'''

==== UN speech ====
[[File:Nagasakibomb.jpg|thumb|Mankind must put an end to war or war will put an end to mankind.]]
[[File:Castle Romeo.jpg|thumb|The weapons of war must be abolished before they abolish us.]]
[[File:Winken ueber die Berliner Mauer.jpg|thumb|Self-determination is but a slogan if the future holds no hope.]]
[[File:Tuojiangosaurus multispinus.jpg|thumb|Unless man can match his strides in weaponry and technology with equal strides in social and political development, our great strength, like that of the dinosaur, will become incapable of proper control — and like the dinosaur vanish from the earth.]]
[[File:BlueMarble-2001-2002.jpg|thumb|If we all can persevere, if we can in every land and office look beyond our own shores and ambitions, then surely the age will dawn in which the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved.]]
[[File:The Earth seen from Apollo 17.jpg|thumb|Together we shall save our planet, or together we shall perish in its flames.]]
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Address-Before-the-General-Assembly-of-the-United-Nations-September-25-1961.aspx Address before the General Assembly of the United Nations] (25 September 1961); this addresses the recent death of U.N. Secretary-General [[Dag Hammarskjold]], presents six proposals for the new Disarmament Program, and provides information on the current crises in [[w:Berlin|Berlin]], [[w:Germany|Germany]], [[w:Laos|Laos]], and [[w:South Vietnam|South Vietnam]].&lt;/small&gt;

* '''We meet in an hour of grief and challenge. [[Dag Hammarskjöld|Dag Hammarskjold]] is dead. But the [[United Nations]] lives. His tragedy is deep in our hearts, but the task for which he died is at the top of our agenda. A noble servant of [[peace]] is gone. But the quest for peace lies before us.''' &lt;br&gt; The problem is not the death of one man — the problem is the life of this organization. It will either grow to meet the challenges of our age, or it will be gone with the wind, without influence, without force, without respect. Were we to let it die, to enfeeble its vigor, to cripple its powers, we would condemn our future. For in the development of this organization rests the only true alternative to war — and war appeals no longer as a rational alternative. Unconditional war can no longer lead to unconditional victory. It can no longer serve to settle disputes. It can no longer concern the great powers alone. For a nuclear disaster, spread by wind and water and fear, could well engulf the great and the small, the rich and the poor, the committed and the uncommitted alike. '''Mankind must put an end to war — or war will put an end to mankind.&lt;br&gt; So let us here resolve that Dag Hammarskjold did not live, or die, in vain. Let us call a truce to terror. Let us invoke the blessings of peace. And as we build an international capacity to keep peace, let us join in dismantling the national capacity to wage war.'''

* '''[[Disarmament]] without checks is but a shadow — and a community without law is but a shell.'''

* The great question which confronted this body in 1945 is still before us: whether man's cherished hopes for progress and peace are to be destroyed by terror and disruption, whether the &quot;foul winds of war&quot; can be tamed in time to free the cooling winds of reason, and whether the pledges of our Charter are to be fulfilled or defied — pledges to secure peace, progress, human rights and world law.

* The Secretary General, in a very real sense, is the servant of the '''[[General Assembly of the United Nations|General Assembly]]'''. Diminish his authority and you diminish the authority of '''the only body where all nations, regardless of power, are equal and sovereign. Until all the powerful are just, the weak will be secure only in the strength of this Assembly.'''

* Today, every inhabitant of this planet must contemplate the day when this planet may no longer be habitable. '''Every man, woman and child lives under a nuclear [[w:sword of Damocles|sword of Damocles]], hanging by the slenderest of threads, capable of being cut at any moment by accident, or miscalculation, or by madness. The weapons of war must be abolished before they abolish us.'''

* Men no longer debate whether armaments are a symptom or a cause of tension. '''The mere existence of modern weapons''' — ten million times more powerful than any that the world has ever seen, and only minutes away from any target on earth — '''is a source of horror, and discord and distrust.''' Men no longer maintain that disarmament must await the settlement of all disputes — for disarmament must be a part of any permanent settlement. And men may no longer pretend that the quest for disarmament is a sign of weakness — for in a spiraling arms race, a nation's security may well be shrinking even as its arms increase.

* For fifteen years this organization has sought the reduction and destruction of arms. Now that goal is no longer a dream — it is a practical matter of life or death. '''The risks inherent in disarmament pale in comparison to the risks inherent in an unlimited arms race.''' &lt;br&gt; In short, general and complete disarmament must no longer be a slogan, used to resist the first steps. It is no longer to be a goal without means of achieving it, without means of verifying its progress, without means of keeping the peace. It is now a realistic plan, and a test — a test of those only willing to talk and a test of those willing to act.&lt;br&gt; Such a plan would not bring a world free from conflict and greed — but it would bring a world free from the terrors of mass destruction. It would not usher in the era of the super state — but it would usher in an era in which no state could annihilate or be annihilated by another. &lt;br&gt; But to halt the spread of these terrible weapons, to halt the contamination of the air, to halt the spiraling nuclear arms race, we remain ready to seek new avenues of agreement, our new Disarmament Program thus includes the following proposals:
:First, signing [[w:Partial Nuclear Test Ban Treaty|the test-ban treaty]] by all nations. This can be done now. Test ban [[negotiations]] need not and should not await general disarmament.
:Second, stopping the production of fissionable materials for use in weapons, and preventing their transfer to any nation now lacking in nuclear weapons.
:Third, prohibiting the transfer of control over nuclear weapons to states that do not own them.
:Fourth, keeping nuclear weapons from seeding new battlegrounds in outer space.
:Fifth, gradually destroying existing nuclear weapons and converting their materials to peaceful uses; and
:Finally, halting the unlimited testing and production of strategic nuclear delivery vehicles, and gradually destroying them as well.

* But we are well aware that all issues of principle are not settled, and that principles alone are not enough. '''It is''' therefore '''our intention to challenge the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]], not to an arms race, but to a peace race- -to advance together step by step, stage by stage, until general and complete disarmament has been achieved.''' We invite them now to go beyond agreement in principle to reach agreement on actual plans.

* '''Peace is not solely a matter of military or technical problems — it is primarily a problem of politics and people. And unless man can match his strides in weaponry and technology with equal strides in social and political development, our great strength, like that of the dinosaur, will become incapable of proper control — and like the dinosaur vanish from the earth.'''

* '''Political [[sovereignty]] is but a mockery without the means of meeting poverty and illiteracy and disease. Self-determination is but a slogan if the future holds no hope.'''

* I do not ignore '''the remaining problems of [[w:colonialism|traditional colonialism]]''' which still confront this body. '''Those problems will be solved, with [[patience]], [[good will]], and [[determination]].''' Within the limits of our responsibility in such matters, my Country intends to be a participant and not merely an observer, in the peaceful, expeditious [[Decolonization|movement of nations from the status of colonies to the partnership of equals]]. That continuing tide of self-determination, which runs so strong, has our sympathy and our support. '''But colonialism in its harshest forms is not only the exploitation of new nations by old, of dark skins by light, or the subjugation of the poor by the rich. My Nation was once a colony, and we know what colonialism means; the exploitation and subjugation of the weak by the powerful, of the many by the few, of the governed who have given no consent to be governed, whatever their continent, their class, their color.'''

* '''For a city or a people to be truly free they must have the secure right, without economic, political or police pressure, to make their own choice and to live their own lives.'''

* '''The political disposition of peoples should rest upon their own wishes, freely expressed in plebiscites or free elections.''' If there are legal problems, they can be solved by legal means. If there is a threat of force, it must be rejected. If there is desire for change, it must be a subject for [[negotiation]], and if there is negotiation, it must be rooted in mutual respect and concern for the rights of others.

* I pledge you that we will neither commit nor provoke aggression, that we shall neither flee nor invoke the threat of force, that '''we shall never negotiate out of fear, we shall never fear to negotiate.'''

* '''[[Terrorism|Terror]] is not a new weapon. Throughout history it has been used by those who could not prevail, either by persuasion or example. But inevitably they fail, either because men are not afraid to die for a life worth living, or because the terrorists themselves came to realize that free men cannot be frightened by threats, and that aggression would meet its own response.''' And it is in the light of that history that every nation today should know, be he friend or foe, that the United States has both the will and the weapons to join free men in standing up to their responsibilities.

* '''I come here today to look across this world of threats to a world of peace. In that search we cannot expect any final triumph''' — for new problems will always arise. We cannot expect that all nations will adopt like systems — for '''conformity is the jailor of freedom, and the enemy of growth.''' Nor can we expect to reach our goal by contrivance, by fiat or even by the wishes of all.&lt;br&gt; '''But however close we sometimes seem to that dark and final abyss, let no man of peace and freedom despair. For he does not stand alone. If we all can persevere, if we can in every land and office look beyond our own shores and ambitions, then surely the age will dawn in which the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved.'''

* Ladies and gentlemen of this Assembly, the decision is ours. Never have the nations of the world had so much to lose, or so much to gain. '''Together we shall save our planet, or together we shall perish in its flames. Save it we can — and save it we must — and then shall we earn the eternal thanks of mankind and, as peacemakers, the eternal blessing of [[God]].'''

==== Address at the University of Washington ====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Aw3MwwJMf0631R6JLmAprQ.aspx Address at the University of Washington's 100th Anniversary Program] (16 November 1961). As 1961 drew to an end, the United States and the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]] were at the height of the [[w:Cold War|Cold War]], and Cuba and [[w:Berlin Crisis of 1961|Berlin]] were hot spots. In April 1961, the United States Central Intelligence Agency had organized 1,400 armed Cuban exiles in [[w:Bay of Pigs Invasion|a failed attempt to invade Cuba at the Bay of Pigs]]. On August 20, 1961, East Germany erected a five foot high concrete wall dividing East and West Berlin and on October 28, 1961, a tense, 18-hour face off occurred at the Berlin Wall between Soviet and American tanks. On August 31, 1961, the Soviet Union began conducting aboveground nuclear tests, detonating perhaps 15 bombs during September 1961. Local newspapers advised Seattleites on how to construct and stock personal nuclear fallout shelters. It was in this context that President John F. Kennedy arrived at Boeing Airport in Seattle, Washington on November 16, 1961 to deliver a major foreign policy speech at the [[w:University of Washington|University of Washington]] Centennial Convocation. In his speech President Kennedy discusses the creation of [[w:Land-grant university|educational institutions]] through the [[w:Morrill Land-Grant Acts|Morrill Acts of 1862 and 1890]]. He also addresses the current state of American international relations, with emphasis on the challenges of defending freedom and maintaining peace as a world power. · [http://www.learner.org/channel/workshops/primarysources/coldwar/docs/jfk.html &quot;President John F. Kennedy's University of Washington Speech&quot; in ''Primary Sources: Workshops in American History'' Annenberg Media Learner.org]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:President Kennedy American University Commencement Address June 10, 1963.jpg|thumb|The basis of self-government and freedom requires the development of character and self-restraint and perseverance and the long view. And these are qualities which require many years of training and education.]]
[[File:UN General Assembly.jpg|thumb|We must face problems which do not lend themselves to easy or quick or permanent solutions … there cannot be an American solution to every world problem...]]
[[File:President Kennedy and Vice President Johnson prior to ceremony.jpg|thumb|Diplomacy and defense are not substitutes for one another. Either alone would fail. A willingness to resist force, unaccompanied by a willingness to talk, could provoke belligerence — while a willingness to talk, unaccompanied by a willingness to resist force, could invite disaster.]]
[[File:Signing Of The Social Security Act.jpg|thumb|We celebrate the past to awaken the future.]]
[[File:John Kennedy, Nikita Khrushchev 1961.jpg|thumb|While we shall negotiate freely, we shall not negotiate freedom.]]
[[File:United States Capitol - west front.jpg|thumb|The business of the Government is the business of the people.]]
[[File:Golden statue.jpg|thumb|For to save mankind's future freedom, we must face up to any risk that is necessary. We will always seek peace — but we will never surrender.]]

* '''The basis of self-government and freedom requires the development of character and self-restraint and perseverance and the long view. And these are qualities which require many years of training and education.'''

* We increase our arms at a heavy cost, primarily to make certain that we will not have to use them. We must face up to the chance of war, if we are to maintain the peace. We must work with certain countries lacking in freedom in order to strengthen the cause of freedom. We find some who call themselves neutral who are our friends and sympathetic to us, and others who call themselves neutral who are unremittingly hostile to us. And as the most powerful defender of freedom on earth, we find ourselves unable to escape the responsibilities of freedom, and yet unable to exercise it without restraints imposed by the very freedoms we seek to protect. &lt;/br&gt; We cannot, as a free nation, compete with our adversaries in tactics of terror, assassination, false promises, counterfeit mobs and crises. &lt;/br&gt; '''We cannot, under the scrutiny of a free press and public, tell different stories to different audiences, foreign and domestic, friendly and hostile.''' &lt;/br&gt; We cannot abandon the slow processes of consulting with our allies to match the swift expediencies of those who merely dictate to their satellites. &lt;/br&gt; We can neither abandon nor control the international organization in which we now cast less than 1 percent of the vote in the General Assembly. &lt;/br&gt; '''We possess weapons of tremendous power — but they are least effective in combating the weapons most often used by freedom's foes: subversion, infiltration, guerrilla warfare, civil disorder.''' &lt;/br&gt; We send arms to other peoples — just as we send them the ideals of democracy in which we believe — but we cannot send them the will to use those arms or to abide by those ideals. &lt;/br&gt; And while we believe not only in the force of arms but in the force of right and reason, we have learned that reason does not always appeal to unreasonable men — that it is not always true that [[s:Bible (King James)/Proverbs#Chapter_15|&quot;a soft answer turneth away wrath&quot;]] — and that right does not always make might. &lt;/br&gt; In short, '''we must face problems which do not lend themselves to easy or quick or permanent solutions. And we must face the fact that the United States is neither omnipotent or omniscient — that we are only 6 percent of the world's population — that we cannot impose our will upon the other 94 percent of mankind — that we cannot right every wrong or reverse each adversity — and that therefore there cannot be an American solution to every world problem.'''
** Also quoted in [http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,1635958_1635999_1634954-6,00.html &quot;Warrior for Peace&quot; by David Talbot, in ''TIME'' (2 July 2007), p. 50]

* These burdens and frustrations are accepted by most Americans with maturity and understanding. They may long for the days when war meant charging up [[w:Battle of San Juan Hill|San Juan Hill]]-or when our isolation was guarded by two oceans — or when the atomic bomb was ours alone — or when much of the industrialized world depended upon our resources and our aid. But they now know that those days are gone — and that gone with them are the old policies and the old complacency's. And they know, too, that '''we must make the best of our new problems and our new opportunities, whatever the risk and the cost.''' &lt;/br&gt; But there are others who cannot bear the burden of a long twilight struggle. They lack confidence in our long-run capacity to survive and succeed. Hating communism, yet they see communism in the long run, perhaps, as the wave of the future. And they want some quick and easy and final and cheap solution — now. &lt;/br&gt; There are two groups of these frustrated citizens, far apart in their views yet very much alike in their approach. On the one hand are those who urge upon us what I regard to be the pathway of surrender-appeasing our enemies, compromising our commitments, purchasing peace at any price, disavowing our arms, our friends, our obligations. If their view had prevailed, the world of free choice would be smaller today. &lt;/br&gt; On the other hand are those who urge upon us what I regard to be the pathway of war: equating [[negotiations]] with appeasement and substituting rigidity for firmness. If their view had prevailed, we would be at war today, and in more than one place. &lt;/br&gt; It is a curious fact that each of these extreme opposites resembles the other. Each believes that we have only two choices: appeasement or war, suicide or surrender, humiliation or holocaust, to be either Red or dead. Each side sees only &quot;hard&quot; and &quot;soft&quot; nations, hard and soft policies, hard and soft men. Each believes that any departure from its own course inevitably leads to the other: one group believes that any peaceful solution means appeasement; the other believes that any arms build-up means war. One group regards everyone else as warmongers, the other regards everyone else as appeasers. Neither side admits that its path will lead to disaster — but neither can tell us how or where to draw the line once we descend the slippery slopes of appeasement or constant intervention. &lt;/br&gt; In short, while both extremes profess to be the true realists of our time, neither could be more unrealistic. While both claim to be doing the nation a service, they could do it no greater disservice. This kind of talk and '''easy solutions to difficult problems, if believed, could inspire a lack of confidence among our people when they must all — above all else — be united in recognizing the long and difficult days that lie ahead. It could inspire uncertainty among our allies when above all else they must be confident in us. And even more dangerously, it could, if believed, inspire doubt among our adversaries when they must above all be convinced that we will defend our vital interests.''' &lt;/br&gt; The essential fact that both of these groups fail to grasp is that '''diplomacy and defense are not substitutes for one another. Either alone would fail. A willingness to resist force, unaccompanied by a willingness to talk, could provoke belligerence — while a willingness to talk, unaccompanied by a willingness to resist force, could invite disaster.'''

* But '''as long as we know what comprises our vital interests and our long-range goals, we have nothing to fear from [[negotiations]] at the appropriate time, and nothing to gain by refusing to take part in them.''' At a time when a single clash could escalate overnight into a holocaust of mushroom clouds, '''a great power does not prove its firmness by leaving the task of exploring the other's intentions to sentries or those without full responsibility. Nor can ultimate weapons rightfully be employed, or the ultimate sacrifice rightfully demanded of our citizens, until every reasonable solution has been explored.''' &quot;How many wars,&quot; [[Winston Churchill]] has written, &quot;have been averted by patience and persisting good will! .... How many wars have been precipitated by firebrands!&quot;

* '''If vital interests under duress can be preserved by peaceful means, [[negotiations]] will find that out. If our adversary will accept nothing-less than a concession of our rights, negotiations will find that out. And if negotiations are to take place, this nation cannot abdicate to its adversaries the task of choosing the forum and the framework and the time.'''

* '''No one should be under the illusion that negotiations for the sake of negotiations always advance the cause of peace. If for lack of preparation they break up in bitterness, the prospects of peace have been endangered. If they are made a forum for propaganda or a cover for aggression, the processes of peace have been abused.''' But it is a test of our national maturity to accept the fact that negotiations are not a contest spelling victory or defeat. They may succeed — they may fail. They are likely to be successful only if both sides reach an agreement which both regard as preferable to the status quo — an agreement in which each side can consider its own situation to be improved. And this is most difficult to obtain. But, '''while we shall negotiate freely, we shall not negotiate freedom.''' Our answer to the classic question of [[Patrick Henry]] is still no-life is not so dear, and peace is not so precious, &quot;as to be purchased at the price of chains and [[slavery]].&quot; And that is our answer even though, for the first time since the ancient battles between Greek city-states, war entails the threat of total annihilation, of everything we know, of society itself. '''For to save mankind's future freedom, we must face up to any risk that is necessary. We will always seek peace — but we will never surrender.'''

* '''In short, we are neither &quot;warmongers&quot; nor &quot;appeasers,&quot; neither &quot;hard&quot; nor &quot;soft.&quot; We are Americans, determined to defend the frontiers of freedom, by an honorable peace if peace is possible, but by arms if arms are used against us.''' And if we are to move forward in that spirit, we shall need all the calm and thoughtful citizens that this great University can produce, all the light they can shed, all the wisdom they can bring to bear. It is customary, both here and around the world, to regard life in the United States as easy. Our advantages are many. But more than any other people on earth, '''we bear burdens and accept risks unprecedented in their size and their duration, not for ourselves alone but for all who wish to be free.'''

=== 1962 ===
[[File:The Blue Marble.jpg|thumb|The world was not meant to be a prison in which man awaits his execution.]]
[[File:Photograph of Jacqueline Kennedy, accompanied by her brothers-in-law, Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy and Senator... - NARA - 200454.jpg|thumb|We sometimes chafe at the burden of our obligations, the complexity of our decisions, the agony of our choices. But there is no comfort or security for us in evasion, no solution in abdication, no relief in irresponsibility.]]
[[File:Black and white copy of frame from &quot;Zapruder film&quot; (z189 from the Zapruder film), showing Presidential limo in Dealey Plaza, CE479.jpg|thumb|Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.]]
[[File:JFK limousine.png|thumb|The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie — deliberate, contrived and dishonest — but the myth — persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.]]
[[File:International newspaper, Rome May 2005.jpg|thumb|A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.]]
[[File:North America from low orbiting satellite Suomi NPP.jpg|thumb|Our overriding obligation in the months ahead is to fulfill the world's hopes by fulfilling our own faith. That task must begin at home. For if we cannot fulfill our own ideals here, we cannot expect others to accept them.]]
[[File:Henry-Presentation of Colors.JPG|thumb|The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.]]
[[File:Diagram of the Federal Government and American Union edit.jpg|thumb|The success of this Government, and thus the success of our Nation, depends in the last analysis upon the quality.of our career services.]]
[[File:Iwo-Jima-3c.jpg|thumb|What really counts is not the immediate act of courage or of valor, but those who bear the struggle day in and day out — not the sunshine patriots but those who are willing to stand for a long period of time.]]
[[File:THE HOPE OF ALL THE WORLD - NARA - 515613.jpg|thumb|The most effective means of upholding the law is not the State policeman or the marshals or the National Guard. It is you. It lies in your courage to accept those laws with which you disagree as well as those with which you agree.]]
[[File:Seal of the District of Columbia.svg|thumb|There is such a difference between those who advise or speak or legislate, and between the man who must select from the various alternatives proposed and say that this shall be the policy of the United States. It is much easier to make the speeches than it is to finally make the judgments.]]
[[File:Kennedy Center (46399777861).jpg|thumb|To further the appreciation of [[culture]] among all the [[people]], to increase [[respect]] for the [[creative]] [[individual]], to widen participation by all the processes and fulfillments of [[art]] — this is one of the fascinating [[challenges]] of these days.]]

* '''The success of this Government, and thus the success of our Nation, depends in the last analysis upon the quality of our career services. The legislation enacted by the Congress, as well as the decisions made by me and by the department and agency heads, must all be implemented by the career men and women in the Federal service.''' In [[Foreign policy|foreign affairs]], national defense, [[science]] and [[technology]], and a host of other fields, they face problems of unprecedented [[importance]] and [[perplexity]]. '''We are all dependent on their sense of [[loyalty]] and responsibility as well as their [[competence]] and energy.'''&quot;
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Special Message to the Congress on Federal Pay Reform (55)&quot; (20 February 1962)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --&gt;

* We welcome the views of others. We seek a free flow of information across national boundaries and oceans, across iron curtains and stone walls. We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien [[Philosophy|philosophies]], and competitive values. For '''a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.'''
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9075&amp;st=&amp;st1= John F. Kennedy: &quot;Remarks on the 20th Anniversary of the Voice of America&quot; (26 February 1962)]&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;

* For '''one true measure of a nation is its success in fulfilling the promise of a better life for each of its members.''' Let this be the measure of our nation.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Special message to the Congress on National Health Needs (65)&quot; (27 February 1962)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --&gt;

* '''Our deep spiritual confidence that this nation will survive the perils of today''' — which may well be with us for decades to come — '''compels us to invest in our nation's future, to consider and meet our obligations to our children and the numberless generations that will follow.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Special message to the Congress on Conservation (69)&quot; (1 March 1962)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --&gt;

* ...'''what really counts is not the immediate act of courage or of valor, but those who bear the struggle day in and day out — not the sunshine patriots but those who are willing to stand for a long period of time.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Remarks at the White House to Members of the American Legion (70)&quot; (1 March 1962)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --&gt;

* ...'''there is always inequity in life. Some men are killed in a war and some men are wounded, and some men never leave the country,''' and some men are stationed in the [[w:Antarctica|Antarctic]] and some are stationed in [[San Francisco]]. It's very hard in the military or personal life to assure complete [[equality]]. '''Life is unfair.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;President's News Conference (107)&quot; (21 March 1962)&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --&gt;

* '''And Prince [[Otto von Bismarck|Bismarck]] was even more specific. One third, he said, of the students of German universities broke down from overwork, another third broked down from dissipation, and the other third ruled Germany.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Address in Berkeley at the University of California (109)&quot; (23 March 1962)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --&gt;

* The [[w:Special Forces (United States Army)|green beret]]' is again becoming a symbol of excellence, a badge of courage, a mark of distinction in the fight for freedom. I know the [[United States Army]] will live up to its reputation for [[imagination]], resourcefulness, and spirit as we meet this challenge.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Letter to the United States Army&quot; (11 April 1962)]; Box 5, President's Outgoing Executive Correspondence, White House Central Chronological Files, Papers of John F. Kennedy, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* I think it is most appropriate that the President of the United States, whose business place is in Washington, should come to this city and participate in these rallies. Because '''the business of the Government is the business of the people''' — and the people are right here.
** Speech at [[w:Madison Square Garden (1925)|Madison Square Garden]] in [[w:New York City|New York City]] to support his program of &quot;medical care for the aged.&quot; (20 May 1962)[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=8669][http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKPOF-038-023.aspx]

* '''The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie — deliberate, contrived and dishonest — but the myth — persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.''' Too often we hold fast to the cliches of our forebears. We subject all facts to a prefabricated set of interpretations. '''We enjoy the [[comfort]] of opinion without the discomfort of [[thought]].'''
** Commencement address, Yale University, New Haven, Connecticut (11 June 1962) [http://millercenter.org/scripps/archive/speeches/detail/3370]

* '''Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.'''
** [[s:Address on the First Anniversary of the Alliance for Progress|Address on the First Anniversary of the Alliance for Progress at the White House]] (13 March 1962)

* I think this is the most extraordinary collection of [[talent]], of human [[knowledge]], that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when [[Thomas Jefferson]] dined alone.
** Address at a White House dinner honoring Nobel Prize winners (29 April 1962), quoted in [http://www.jfklibrary.org/white%20house%20diary/1962/April/29 ''The White House Diary'', at the JFK Library]

* While '''geography has made us neighbors, tradition has made us friends. Economics has made us partners. And necessity has made us allies''' — in a vast Alianza para el Progreso. '''Those whom nature has so joined together, let no man put asunder.'''
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=8741&amp;st=&amp;st1= Address by the President at a Luncheon Given in His Honor by President Lopez Matcos (29 June 1962)]&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;

* I have seen in many places housing which has been developed under government influences, but I have never seen any projects in which governments have played their part which have [[fountains]] and [[statues]] and [[grass]] and [[trees]], which are as important to the concept of the home as the roof itself.&quot;
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks at the Unidad Independencia Housing Project, City of Mexico (269)&quot; (30 June 1962)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --&gt;

* '''It's only when they join together in a forward movement that this country moves ahead...'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Remarks at Los Banos, CA at the Groundbreaking Ceremonies for the San Luis Dam (337)&quot; (18 August 1962)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --&gt;

* I really don't know why it is that all of us are so committed to the [[sea]], except I think it's because in addition to the fact that the sea changes, and the [[light]] changes, and [[ships]] change, it's because we all came from the sea. And it is an interesting [[Biology|biological]] fact that all of us have, in our veins the exact same percentage of [[salt]] in our [[blood]] that exists in the [[Oceans|ocean]], and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. '''And when we go back to the sea — whether it is to sail or to watch it — we are going back from whence we came.'''&quot;
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Remarks in Newport at the Australian Ambassador's Dinner for the America's Cup Crews (383)&quot; (14 September 1962)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --&gt;

* All students, members of the faculty, and public officials in both Mississippi and the Nation will be able, it is hoped, to return to their normal activities with full confidence in the integrity of American law. This is as it should be, for '''our Nation is founded on the principle that observance of the law is the eternal safeguard of liberty and defiance of the law is the surest road to tyranny.''' The law which we obey includes the final rulings of the [[courts]], as well as the enactments of our [[Legislature|legislative]] bodies. Even among law-abiding men few laws are universally loved, but they are uniformly respected and not resisted. '''Americans are free''', in short, '''to disagree with the law but not to disobey it.''' For '''in a government of laws and not of men, no man, however prominent or powerful, and no mob however unruly or boisterous, is entitled to defy a court of law. If this country should ever reach the point where any man or group of men by force or threat of force could long defy the commands of our court and our Constitution, then no law would stand free from doubt, no judge would be sure of his writ, and no citizen would be safe from his neighbors.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Radio-and-Television-Report-to-the-Nation-on-the-Situation-at-the-University-of-Mississippi.aspx Radio and Television Report to the Nation on the Situation at the University of Mississippi (30 September 1962)]

* In 1945 a [[Mississippi]] sergeant, Jake Lindsey, was honored by an unusual joint session of the Congress. I close therefore, with this appeal to the students of the University, the people who are most concerned. You have a great tradition to uphold, a tradition of honor and courage won on the field of battle and on the gridiron as well as the University campus. You have a new opportunity to show that you are men of patriotism and integrity. For '''the most effective means of upholding the law is not the State policeman or the marshals or the [[w:United State National Guard|National Guard]]. It is you. It lies in your courage to accept those laws with which you disagree as well as those with which you agree.'''
** Radio and Television Report to the Nation on the Situation at the University of Mississippi (30 September 1962)

* Bullfight critics row on row &lt;br/&gt; Fill the enormous Plaza de toros &lt;br/&gt; But only one is there who knows &lt;br/&gt; And he is the one who fights the bull.
** Slightly misquoting [[w:Domingo Ortega|Domingo Ortega]], as translated by the English poet [[Robert Graves]]), in remarks during a Presidential Backgrounder before the National Foreign Policy Conference for Editors and Radio-TV Public Affairs Broadcasters (16 October 1962)]; &quot;Presidential Backgrounder 16 October 1962 #50,&quot; Box 134, Classified Background Briefing Material Series, Pierre Salinger Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library
** The original poem: Bullfight critics ranked in rows&lt;br/&gt;Crowd the enormous Plaza full&lt;br/&gt;But only one is there who knows&lt;br/&gt;And he's the man who fights the bull.

* '''I am certain that after the dust of centuries has passed over our cities, we, too, will be remembered not for victories or defeats in battle or in politics, but for our contribution to the human spirit.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Remarks at a Closed-circuit Television Broadcast on Behalf of the National Cultural Center (527)&quot; (29 November 1962)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --&gt;

* '''There is a limitation''', in other words, '''upon the power of the United States to bring about solutions.''' I think our people get awfully impatient and maybe fatigued and tired, and saying &quot;We have been carrying this burden for 17 years; can we lay it down?&quot; We can't lay it down, and I don't see how we are going to lay it down in this century. '''So that I would say that the problems are more difficult than I had imagined them to be. The responsibilities placed on the United States are greater than I imagined them to be, and there are greater limitations upon our ability to bring about a favorable result than I had imagined them to be. And I think that is probably true of anyone who becomes President, because there is such a difference between those who advise or speak or legislate, and between the man who must select from the various alternatives proposed and say that this shall be the policy of the United States. It is much easier to make the speeches than it is to finally make the judgments, because unfortunately your advisers are frequently divided. If you take the wrong course''', and on occasion I have, '''the President bears the burden of the responsibility quite rightly. The advisers may move on to new advice.'''
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=9060 John F. Kennedy: &quot;Television and Radio Interview: &quot;After Two Years — a Conversation With the President&quot; (17 December 1962)]&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;

* To further the appreciation of culture among all the people, to increase respect for the creative individual, to widen participation by all the processes and fulfillments of art — this is one of the fascinating challenges of these days.
** &quot;The Arts in America&quot; in ''LOOK'' magazine (18 December 1962), p. 110; also published in [https://books.google.com/books?id=kbA3MUsJS-cC&amp;pg=PA907&amp;dq=%22this+is+one+of+the+fascinating+challenges+of+these+days%22&amp;hl=en&amp;newbks=1&amp;newbks_redir=0&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=2ahUKEwjpuNK8s8eNAxVeSjABHVU7BjYQ6AF6BAgHEAM#v=onepage&amp;q=%22this%20is%20one%20of%20the%20fascinating%20challenges%20of%20these%20days%22&amp;f=false ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy 1962'', p. 907], inscribed on the [[w:John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts|John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, Washington, D.C.]], and quoted at the [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx JFK Library]

* '''Too often in the past, we have thought of the artist as an idler and dilettante and of the lover of arts as somehow sissy and effete. We have done both an injustice. The life of the artist is, in relation to his work, stern and lonely. He has labored hard, often amid deprivation, to perfect his skill. He has turned aside from quick success in order to strip his vision of everything secondary or cheapening. His working life is marked by intense application and intense discipline.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;LOOK Magazine Article 'The Arts in America' (552)&quot; (18 December 1962)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --&gt;

* '''The life of the arts, far from being an interruption, a distraction, in the life of a nation, is very close to the center of a nation's purpose...and is a test of the quality of a nation's civilization.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;LOOK Magazine Article 'The Arts in America' (552)&quot; (18 December 1962)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --&gt;; also inscribed at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, Washington, D.C.

==== Second State of the Union Address ====
:&lt;small&gt;[[s:John F. Kennedy's Second State of the Union Address|Second State of the Union Address]] (11 January 1962)&lt;/small&gt;

* Members of the Congress, '''the Constitution makes us not rivals for power but partners for progress. We are all trustees for the American people, custodians of the American heritage.''' It is my task to report the State of '''the Union — to improve it is the task of us all.'''

* In the past year, I have traveled not only across our own land but to other lands-to the North and the South, and across the seas. And '''I have found'''--as I am sure you have, in your travels--'''that people everywhere, in spite of occasional disappointments, look to us--not to our wealth or power, but to the splendor of our ideals. For our Nation is commissioned by history to be either an observer of freedom's failure or the cause of its success. Our overriding obligation in the months ahead is to fulfill the world's hopes by fulfilling our own faith.''' [...] '''That task must begin at home. For if we cannot fulfill our own ideals here, we cannot expect others to accept them. And when the youngest child alive today has grown to the cares of manhood, our position in the world will be determined first of all by what provisions we make today--for his education, his health, and his opportunities for a good home and a good job and a good life.'''

* '''The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining''' — by filling three basic gaps in our anti-recession protection.

* World order will be secured only when the whole world has laid down these weapons which seem to offer us present security but threaten the future survival of the human race. That armistice day seems very far away. The vast resources of this planet are being devoted more and more to the means of destroying, instead of enriching, human life. &lt;br&gt; But '''the world was not meant to be a prison in which man awaits his execution.''' Nor has mankind survived the tests and trials of thousands of years to surrender everything — including its existence — now. This Nation has the will and the faith to make a supreme effort to break the log jam on [[disarmament]] and nuclear tests — and we will persist until we prevail, until the rule of law has replaced the ever dangerous use of force.

* These various elements in our [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]] lead, as I have said, to a single goal — the goal of a peaceful world of free and independent states. This is our guide for the present and our vision for the future — a free community of nations, independent but interdependent, uniting north and south, east and west, in one great family of man, outgrowing and transcending the hates and fears that rend our age. &lt;/br&gt; We will not reach that goal today, or tomorrow. We may not reach it in our own lifetime. But the quest is the greatest adventure of our century. '''We sometimes chafe at the burden of our obligations, the complexity of our decisions, the agony of our choices. But there is no comfort or security for us in evasion, no solution in abdication, no relief in irresponsibility.'''

==== Address at the University of California at Berkeley ====
:&lt;small&gt; Address at the University of California at Berkeley (March 23, 1962). Delivered at Memorial Stadium at the University of California in Berkeley, California. Source: Address at the University of California at Berkeley, March 23, 1962. Boston: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240624192125/https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 Archived] [http://From from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 the original] on June 24, 2024.&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:The University of California Berkeley 1868.svg|thumb|The purpose of education is not merely to advance the economic self-interest of its graduates. The people have supported their colleges and universities and their schools because they recognize how important it is to the maintenance of a free society that its citizens be well educated.]]
[[File:John Kennedy, Nikita Khrushchev 1961.jpg|thumb|Experience has taught us that an agreement to negotiate does not always mean a negotiated agreement. ]]
[[File:Berkeley glade afternoon.jpg|thumb|Knowledge, not hate, is the passkey to the future.]]
[[File:Peace dove (3329620077).jpg|thumb|And cooperation in the pursuit of knowledge can hopefully lead to cooperation in the pursuit of peace.]]
[[File:CampanileMtTamalpiasSunset-original.jpg|thumb|It is the profound tendencies of history and not the passing excitements that will shape our future.]]
[[File:Wheeler Hall, University of California, Berkeley.jpg|thumb|Wisdom requires the long view.]]
[[File:UCB Doe Memorial Library oblique view dllu.jpg|thumb|No one can doubt that cooperation in the pursuit of knowledge must lead to freedom of the mind and freedom of the soul.]]
[[File:Berkeley T-rex - Flickr - Joe Parks.jpg|thumb|Every great age is marked by innovation and daring--by the ability to meet unprecedented problems with intelligent solutions. In a time of turbulence and change, it is more true than ever that knowledge is power; for only by true understanding and steadfast judgment are we able to master the challenge of history. If this is so, we must strive to acquire knowledge--and to apply it with wisdom.]]
[[File:CalvaryCemeteryQueens edit.jpg|thumb|We must think and act not only for the moment but for our time.]]

* This college, therefore, from its earliest beginnings, has recognized and its graduates have recognized, that '''the purpose of education is not merely to advance the economic self-interest of its graduates. The people''' of [[California]], as much if not more than the people of any other State, '''have supported their colleges and universities and their schools because they recognize how important it is to the maintenance of a free society that its citizens be well educated.''' &quot;Every man&quot; said Professor [[Woodrow Wilson]], &quot;sent out from a university should be a man of his nation as well as a man of his time.&quot; And [[Otto von Bismarck|Prince Bismarck]] was even more specific. One third, he said, of the students of [[Germany|German]] [[universities]] broke down from overwork, another third, broke down from dissipation, and the other third ruled Germany. I do not know which third of students are here today, but I am confident that I am talking to the future leaders of this State and country who recognize their responsibilities to the public interest.

* But history may well remember this as a week for an act of lesser immediate impact, and that is '''the decision by the United States and the Soviet Union to seek concrete agreements on the joint exploration of space. Experience has taught us that an agreement to negotiate does not always mean a negotiated agreement. But should such a joint effort be realized, its significance could well be tremendous for us all. In terms of space science, our combined knowledge and efforts can benefit the people of all the nations: joint weather satellites to provide more ample warnings against destructive storms--joint communications systems to draw the world more closely together--and cooperation in space medicine research and space tracking operations to speed the day when man will go to the moon and beyond. But the scientific gains from such a joint effort would offer, I believe, less realized returns than the gains for world peace. For a [[Russia–United States relations|cooperative Soviet-American effort]] in space science and exploration would emphasize the interests that must unite us, rather than those that always divide us. It offers us an area in which the stale and sterile dogmas of the cold war could be literally left a quarter of a million miles behind. And it would remind us on both sides that knowledge, not hate, is the passkey to the future--that knowledge transcends national antagonisms--that it speaks a universal language--that it is the possession not of a single class, or of a single nation or a single ideology, but of all mankind.'''

* '''We may be proud as a nation of our record in scientific achievement--but at the same time we must be impressed by the interdependence of all knowledge. I am certain that every scholar and scientist here today would agree that his own work has benefited immeasurably from the work of the men and women in other countries.''' The prospect of a partnership with Soviet [[scientists]] in the exploration of space opens up exciting prospects of collaboration in other areas of learning. '''And cooperation in the pursuit of knowledge can hopefully lead to cooperation in the pursuit of peace.'''

* Yet '''the pursuit of knowledge itself implies a world where men are free to follow out the logic of their own ideas. It implies a world where nations are free to solve their own problems and to realize their own ideals. It implies, in short, a world where collaboration emerges from the voluntary decisions of nations strong in their own independence and their own self-respect. It implies, I believe, the kind of world which is emerging before our eyes--the world produced by the revolution of national independence which has today, and has been since 1945, sweeping across the face of the world.'''

* I sometimes think that we are too much impressed by the clamor of daily events. The newspaper headlines and the television screens give us a short view. They so flood us with the stop-press details of daily stories that we lose sight of one of the great movements of history. Yet '''it is the profound tendencies of history and not the passing excitements that will shape our future.'''

* '''[[Wisdom]] requires the long view. And the long view shows us that the revolution of national independence is a fundamental fact of our era. This revolution will not be stopped. As new nations emerge from the oblivion of centuries, their first aspiration is to affirm their national identity. Their deepest hope is for a world where, within a framework of international cooperation, every country can solve its own problems according to its own traditions and ideals.'''

* '''It is in the interests of the pursuit of knowledge--and it is in our own national interest--that this revolution of national independence succeed. For the Communists rest everything on the idea of a monolithic world--a world where all knowledge has a single pattern, all societies move toward a single model, and all problems and roads have a single solution and a single destination. The pursuit of knowledge, on the other hand, rests everything on the opposite idea--on the idea of a world based on diversity, self-determination, freedom. And that is the kind of world to which we Americans, as a nation, are committed by the principles upon which the great Republic was founded.'''

* '''No one who examines the modern world can doubt that the great currents of history are carrying the world away from the monolithic idea towards the pluralistic idea--away from [[communism]] and towards national [[independence]] and [[freedom]]. No one can doubt that the wave of the [[future]] is not the conquest of the world by a single dogmatic creed but the liberation of the diverse energies of free nations and free men. No one can doubt that cooperation in the pursuit of [[knowledge]] must lead to freedom of the mind and freedom of the soul.'''

* '''Beyond the drumfire of daily crisis''', therefore, '''there is arising the outlines of a robust and vital world community, founded on nations secure in their own independence, and united by their allegiance to world peace. It would be foolish to say that this world will be won tomorrow, or the day after. The processes of history are fitful and uncertain and aggravating. There will be frustrations and setbacks. There will be times of anxiety and gloom. The specter of [[w:Nuclear warfare|thermonuclear]] [[war]] will continue to hang over mankind; and we must heed the advice of [[Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.|Oliver Wendell Holmes]] of &quot;freedom leaning on her spear&quot; until all nations are wise enough to disarm safely and effectively. Yet we can have a new confidence today in the direction in which history is moving. Nothing is more stirring than the recognition of great public purpose. Every great age is marked by innovation and daring--by the ability to meet unprecedented problems with intelligent solutions. In a time of turbulence and change, it is more true than ever that knowledge is power; for only by true understanding and steadfast judgment are we able to master the challenge of history. If this is so, we must strive to acquire knowledge--and to apply it with wisdom. We must reject over-simplified theories of international life--the theory that American power is unlimited, or that the American mission is to remake the world in the American image. We must seize the vision of a free and diverse world--and shape our policies to speed progress toward a more flexible world order.'''

* This is the unifying spirit of our policies in the world today. The purpose of our aid programs must be to help developing countries to move forward as rapidly as possible on the road to genuine national independence. Our military policies must assist nations to protect the processes of democratic reform and development against the forces of disruption and intervention. Our diplomatic policies must strengthen our relations with the whole world, with our several alliances and within the United Nations.

* As we press forward on every front to realize a flexible world order, the role of the university becomes even more important, both as a reservoir of ideas and as a repository of the long view of the shore dimly seen. '''&quot;Knowledge is the great sun of the firmament&quot; said [[Daniel Webster|Senator Daniel Webster]]. &quot;Life and power are scattered along its beams.&quot; In its light we must think and act not only for the moment but for our time. I am reminded of the story of [[w:Hubert Lyautey|the great French Marshal Lyautey]], who once asked his gardener to plant a tree. The gardener objected that the tree was slow-growing and would not reach maturity for a hundred years. The Marshal replied, &quot;In that case, there is no time to lose, plant it this afternoon.&quot; Today a world of knowledge--a world of cooperation--a just and lasting peace--may be years away. But we have no time to lose. Let us plant our trees this afternoon.'''

==== Address at Independence Hall ====
:&lt;small&gt; [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/RrjaDhW5B0OYm2zaJbyPgg.aspx Address at Independence Hall by John F. Kennedy in Independence Square at [[w:Independence Hall|Independence Hall]] in Philadelphia] (4 July 1962). In his speech President Kennedy praises the American democratic system which encourages differences and allows for dissent, discusses the enduring relevance of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, and addresses the role of the United States in relation to the emerging [[w:European Communities|European Community]].&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:EXCOMM_meeting,_Cuban_Missile_Crisis,_29_October_1962.jpg|thumb|Our responsibility is one of decision — for to govern is to choose.]]
[[File:Scene_at_the_Signing_of_the_Constitution_of_the_United_States.jpg|thumb|As apt and applicable as the [[United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence]] is today, we would do well to honor that other historic document drafted in this hall — the [[Constitution of the United States]]. For it stressed not independence but interdependence — not the individual liberty of one but the indivisible liberty of all.]]

* The necessity for comity between the National Government and the several States is an indelible lesson of our long history. Because our system is designed to encourage both differences and dissent, because its checks and balances are designed to preserve the rights of the individual and the locality against preeminent central authority, you and I, Governors, recognize how dependent we both are, one upon the other, for the successful operation of our unique and happy form of government. Our system and our freedom permit the legislative to be pitted against the executive, the State against the Federal Government, the city against the countryside, party against party, interest against interest, all in competition or in contention one with another. Our task — your task in the State House and my task in [[w:The White House|the White House]] — is to weave from all these tangled threads a fabric of law and progress. We are not permitted the luxury of irresolution. Others may confine themselves to debate, discussion, and that ultimate luxury — free advice. '''Our responsibility is one of decision — for to govern is to choose.'''

* The theory of independence is as old as man himself, and it was not invented in this hall. But it was in this hall that the theory became a practice; that the word went out to all, in [[Thomas Jefferson]]'s phrase, that &quot;the God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time.&quot; And today this Nation — conceived in revolution, nurtured in liberty, maturing in independence — has no intention of abdicating its leadership in that worldwide movement for independence to any nation or society committed to systematic human oppression.

* '''As apt and applicable as the [[United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence]] is today, we would do well to honor that other historic document drafted in this hall — the [[Constitution of the United States]]. For it stressed not independence but interdependence — not the individual liberty of one but the indivisible liberty of all.'''

* A great new edifice is not built overnight. It was 11 years from the [[United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence]] to the [[Constitutional Convention (United States)|writing of the Constitution]]. The construction of workable [[Federal government of the United States|federal institutions]] required still another generation. The greatest works of our Nation's founders lay not in documents and in declarations, but in creative, determined action. The building of the new house of [[Europe]] has followed the same practical, purposeful course. Building the [[w:Atlantic Alliance|Atlantic partnership]] now will not be easily or cheaply finished.

* In most of the old colonial world, the struggle for independence is coming to an end. Even in areas behind the [[w:Iron Curtain|Curtain]], that which Jefferson called &quot;the disease of liberty&quot; still appears to be infectious. With the passing of ancient [[Empire|empires]], today less than 2 percent of the world's population lives in territories officially termed &quot;dependent.&quot; As this effort for independence, inspired by the [[United States Declaration of Independence|American Declaration of Independence]], now approaches a successful close, a great new effort — for interdependence — is transforming the world about us. And the spirit of that new effort is the same spirit which gave birth to the American Constitution. That spirit is today most clearly seen across the [[Atlantic Ocean]]. The nations of [[Western Europe]], long divided by feuds far more bitter than any which existed among the [[w:Thirteen Colonies|13 colonies]], are today joining together, seeking, as our forefathers sought, to find freedom in diversity and in unity, strength.

* '''Acting on our own, by ourselves, we cannot establish justice throughout the world; we cannot insure its domestic tranquility, or provide for its common defense, or promote its general welfare, or secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity. But joined with other free nations, we can do all this and more. We can assist the developing nations to throw off the yoke of poverty. We can balance our worldwide trade and payments at the highest possible level of growth. We can mount a deterrent powerful enough to deter any aggression. And ultimately we can help to achieve a world of law and free choice, banishing the world of war and coercion.'''

* '''On this fourth day of July, 1962, we''' who are gathered at this same hall, entrusted with the fate and future of our States and Nation, '''declare''' now '''our vow to do our part to lift the weights from the shoulders of all, to join other men and nations in preserving both peace and freedom, and to regard any threat to the peace or freedom of one as a threat to the peace and freedom of all.'''

==== Rice University speech ====

[[file:JFK inspects Mercury capsule, 23 February 1962.jpg|thumb|The exploration of space will go ahead, whether we join in it or not, and it is one of the great adventures of all time, and no nation which expects to be the leader of other nations can expect to stay behind in this race for space.]]
[[file:Skylab and Earth Limb - GPN-2000-001055.jpg|thumb|We have vowed that we shall not see space filled with weapons of mass destruction, but with instruments of knowledge and understanding.]]
[[file:Apollo-Soyuz Test Project Commemorative Plaque.jpg|thumb|There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in outer space as yet. Its conquest deserves the best of all mankind, and its opportunity for peaceful cooperation may never come again.]]
[[file:Titan II launch.jpg|thumb|The greater our knowledge increases, the greater our ignorance unfolds.]]

:&lt;small&gt; [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKWHA-127-002.aspx Address at Rice University on the Nation's Space Effort, Houston, TX] (12 September 1962); addresses the necessity for the United States to become an international leader in space exploration and famously states, &quot;We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.&quot; · [https://www.historyplace.com/speeches/jfk-space.htm Transcript and audio at The History Place]&lt;/small&gt;

*'''We meet in an hour of [[change]] and [[challenge]], in a decade of [[hope]] and [[fear]], in an age of both [[knowledge]] and [[ignorance]]. The greater our knowledge increases, the greater our ignorance unfolds.'''

* No man can fully grasp how far and how fast we have come, but condense, if you will, the 50 thousand years of man's recorded history in a time span of but a half-century. Stated in these terms, we know very little about the first 40 years, except at the end of them advanced man had learned to use the skins of [[animals]] to cover them. Then about 10 years ago, under this standard, man emerged from his caves to construct other kinds of shelter. Only five years ago man learned to [[Writing|write]] and use a cart with wheels. [[Christianity]] began less than two years ago. The [[w:Printing press|printing press]] came this year, and then less than two months ago, during this whole 50-year span of human history, the [[steam engine]] provided a new source of power. [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] explored the meaning of gravity. Last month [[Electricity|electric]] lights and telephones and [[automobiles]] and airplanes became available. Only last week did we [[w:History of penicillin|develop penicillin]] and [[w:History of television|television]] and [[w:Chicago Pile-1|nuclear power]], and now if [[w:Mariner_2|America's new spacecraft]] succeeds in reaching [[Venus]], we will have literally reached the [[stars]] before midnight tonight. &lt;/br&gt; This is a breathtaking pace, and such a pace cannot help but create new ills as it dispels old, new ignorance, new problems, new dangers. Surely '''the opening vistas of space promise high costs and hardships, as well as high reward.''' &lt;/br&gt; So it is not surprising that some would have us stay where we are a little longer to rest, to wait. But this city of [[Houston]], this state of [[Texas]], this country of '''the United States was not built by those who waited and rested and wished to look behind them. This country was conquered by those who moved forward — and so will space.'''

* If this capsule history of our progress teaches us anything, it is that '''man, in his quest for knowledge and progress, is determined and cannot be deterred. The exploration of space will go ahead, whether we join in it or not, and it is one of the great adventures of all time, and no nation which expects to be the leader of other nations can expect to stay behind in this race for space.'''

* Those who came before us made certain that this country rode the first waves of the [[Industrial Revolution|industrial revolution]], the first waves of modern invention, and the first wave of [[Nuclear power|nuclear power]], and '''this generation does not intend to founder in the backwash of the coming age of space. We mean to be a part of it — we mean to lead it. For the eyes of the world now look into space, to the [[moon]] and to the [[Planet|planets]] beyond, and we have vowed that we shall not see it governed by a hostile flag of conquest, but by a banner of freedom and peace. We have vowed that we shall not see space filled with [[w:Weapons of mass destruction|weapons of mass destruction]], but with instruments of [[knowledge]] and [[understanding]].'''

* '''Yet the vows of this Nation can only be fulfilled if we in this Nation are first, and, therefore, we intend to be first. In short, our leadership in science and industry, our hopes for peace and security, our obligations to ourselves as well as others, all require us to make this effort, to solve these mysteries, to solve them for the good of all men, and to become the world's leading space-faring nation.'''

* '''We set sail on this new sea because there is new knowledge to be gained, and new rights to be won, and they must be won and used for the progress of all people. For space science, like [[w:Nuclear physics|nuclear science]] and all technology, has no conscience of its own. Whether it will become a force for good or ill depends on man, and only if the United States occupies a position of pre-eminence can we help decide whether this new ocean will be a sea of peace or a new terrifying theater of war.''' I do not say that we should or will go unprotected against the hostile misuse of space any more than we go unprotected against the hostile use of land or sea, but I do say that space can be explored and mastered without feeding the fires of war, without repeating the mistakes that man has made in extending his writ around this globe of ours.

* '''There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in outer space as yet. Its hazards are hostile to us all.''' Its conquest deserves the best of all mankind, and its opportunity for peaceful cooperation many never come again.

*'''We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.'''

* We have had our failures, but so have others, even if they do not admit them. And they may be less public.

* '''The growth of our science and education will be enriched by new knowledge of our universe and environment, by new techniques of learning and mapping and observation, by new tools and computers for industry, medicine, the home as well as the school. Technical institutions''', such as Rice, '''will reap the harvest of these gains.''' And finally, the space effort itself, while still in its infancy, has already created a great number of new companies, and tens of thousands of new jobs. '''Space and related industries are generating new demands in [[investment]] and skilled personnel''', and this city and this state, and this region, will share greatly in this growth.

* Many years ago the great [[United Kingdom|British]] explorer [[George Mallory]], who was to die on [[Mount Everest]], was asked why did he want to climb it. He said, &quot;Because it is there.&quot; '''Well, space is there, and we're going to climb it, and the moon and the planets are there, and new hopes for knowledge and peace are there. And, therefore, as we set sail we ask God's blessing on the most hazardous and dangerous and greatest adventure on which man has ever embarked.'''

==== [[w:Cuban Missile Crisis|Cuban Missile Crisis]] speech ====
[[File:October 23, 1962- President Kennedy signs Proclamation 3504, authorizing the naval quarantine of Cuba.jpg|thumb|Our goal is not victory of might but the vindication of right — not peace at the expense of freedom, but both peace and freedom, here in this hemisphere and, we hope, around the world.]]
:&lt;small&gt; [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/presidents/35_kennedy/psources/ps_armsbild.html Radio and television address] about the Cuban missile crisis (22 October 1962). This reports on the establishment of offensive missile sites presumably intended to launch a nuclear offensive against Western nations. The President characterizes the transformation of Cuba into an important strategic base as an explicit threat to American security, and explains seven components to his proposed course of action: quarantine all offensive military equipment under shipment to Cuba, increase the degree of surveillance, regard a possible attack launched from Cuba as a Soviet attack, reinforce the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base, call for a meeting of the Organ of Consultation, call for an emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council, and demand that Premier [[Nikita Khrushchev]] cease his current course of action.&lt;/small&gt;

* Neither the United States of America nor the world community of nations can tolerate deliberate deception and offensive threats on the part of any nation, large or small. We no longer live in a world where only the actual firing of weapons represents a sufficient challenge to a nation's security to constitute maximum peril. Nuclear weapons are so destructive and ballistic missiles are so swift, that any substantially increased possibility of their use or any sudden change in their deployment may well be regarded as a definite threat to peace.

* We will not prematurely or unnecessarily risk the costs of '''a worldwide nuclear war in which even the fruits of victory would be ashes in our mouth''' — but neither shall we shrink from that risk any time it must be faced.

* The [[w:1930s|1930's]] taught us a clear lesson: '''[[War of aggression|aggressive]] conduct, if allowed to go unchecked and unchallenged ultimately leads to war.'''

* '''It shall be the policy of this Nation to regard any nuclear missile launched from Cuba against any nation in the Western Hemisphere as an attack by the Soviet Union on the United States, requiring a full retaliatory response upon the Soviet Union.'''

* '''We have no wish to war with the Soviet Union--for we are a peaceful people who desire to live in peace with all other peoples.''' 

* My fellow citizens: let no one doubt that this is a difficult and dangerous effort on which we have set out. No one can see precisely what course it will take or what costs or casualties will be incurred. '''Many months of sacrifice and self-discipline lie ahead--months in which our patience and our will will be tested--months in which many threats and denunciations will keep us aware of our dangers. But the greatest danger of all would be to do nothing.'''

* The path we have chosen for the present is full of hazards, as all paths are; but it is one of the most consistent with our character and our courage as a nation and our commitments around the world. The cost of freedom is always high — but Americans have always paid it. And one path we shall never choose, and this is the path of surrender or submission. '''Our goal is not victory of might but the vindication of right — not peace at the expense of freedom, but both peace and freedom, here in this hemisphere and, we hope, around the world.''' God willing, that goal will be achieved. Thank you, and good night.

==== First letter to Nikita Khrushchev ====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/disp_textbook.cfm?smtID=3&amp;psid=3637transcript JFK points out that the U.S. is pursuing a &quot;minimum response&quot; but will do whatever is necessary to assure its security.(22 October 1962)]&lt;/small&gt;

* A copy of the statement I am making tonight concerning developments in Cuba and the reaction of my Government thereto has been handed to your Ambassador in Washington. In view of the gravity of the developments to which I refer, I want you to know immediately and accurately the position of my Government in this matter.

* In our discussions and exchanges on Berlin and other international questions, the one thing that has most concerned me has been the possibility that your Government would not correctly understand the will and determination of the United States in any given situation, since I have not assumed that you or any other sane man would, in this nuclear age, deliberately plunge the world into war which it is crystal clear no country could win and which could only result in catastrophic consequences to the whole world, including the aggressor.

* At our meeting in [[Vienna]] and subsequently, I expressed our readiness and desire to find, through peaceful negotiation, a solution to any and all problems that divide us. At the same time. I made clear that in view of the objectives of the ideology to which you adhere, the United States could not tolerate any action on your part which in a major way disturbed the existing over-all balance of power in the world. I stated that an attempt to force abandonment of our responsibilities and commitments in Berlin would constitute such an action and that the United States would resist with all the power at its command.

* It was in order to avoid any incorrect assessment on the part of your Government with respect to Cuba that I publicly stated that if certain developments in Cuba took place, the United States would do whatever must be done to protect its own security and that of its allies.

* Moreover, the Congress adopted a resolution expressing its support of this declared policy. Despite this, the rapid development of long-range missile bases and other offensive weapons systems in Cuba has proceeded. I must tell you that the United States is determined that this threat to the security of this hemisphere be removed. At the same time, I wish to point out that the action we are taking is the minimum necessary to remove the threat to the security of the nations of this hemisphere. The fact of this minimum response should not be taken as a basis, however, for any misjudgment on your part.

* I hope that your Government will refrain from any action which would widen or deepen this already grave crisis and that we can agree to resume the path of peaceful negotiation.

==== Second Letter to Nikita Khrushchev ====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/disp_textbook.cfm?smtID=3&amp;psid=3637transcript This is a response from Kennedy to Nikita Khrushchev reassuring the Soviets that the U.S. would not invade Cuba. President Kennedy responded to the requests of Khrushchev's first letter to him, disregarding the second letter. Upon agreement of these letters, the Missile Crisis was over (27 October 1962)]&lt;/small&gt;

* I have read your letter of October 26th with great care and welcomed the statement of your desire to seek a prompt solution to the problem. The first thing that needs to be done, however, is for work to cease on offensive missile bases on Cuba and for all weapons systems in Cuba capable of offensive use to be rendered inoperable, under effective United Nations arrangements.

* Assuming this is done promptly, I have given my representatives in New York instructions that will permit them to work out this weekend — in cooperation with the [[U Thant|Acting Secretary General]] and your representative — an arrangement for a permanent solution to the Cuban problem along the lines suggested in your letter of October 26th. As I read your letter, the key elements of your proposals — which seem generally acceptable as I understand them — are as follows:

* 1) You would agree to remove these weapons systems from Cuba under appropriate United Nations observation and supervision; and undertake, with suitable safeguards, to halt the further introduction of such weapons systems into Cuba.

* 2) We, on our part, would agree — upon the establishment of adequate arrangements through the United Nations to ensure the carrying out and continuation of these commitments — (a) to remove promptly the quarantine measures now in effect and (b) to give assurances against an invasion of Cuba. I am confident that other nations of the Western Hemisphere would be prepared to do likewise.

* If you will give your representative similar instructions, there is no reason why we should not be able to complete these arrangements and announce them to the world within a couple of days. The effect of such a settlement on easing world tensions would enable us to work toward a more general arrangement regarding &quot;other armaments,&quot; as proposed in your second letter which you made public. I would like to say again that the United States is very much interested in reducing tensions and halting the arms race; and if your letter signifies that you are prepared to discuss a detente affecting [[NATO]] and the [[w:Warsaw Pact|Warsaw Pact, we are q]]&lt;nowiki/&gt;uite prepared to consider with our allies any useful proposals.

* But the first ingredient, let me emphasize, is the cessation of work on missile sites on Cuba and measures to render such weapons inoperable, under effective international guarantees. The continuations of this threat, or prolonging of this discussion concerning Cuba by linking these problems to the broader questions of European and world security, would surely lead to the peace of the world. For this reason I hope we can quickly agree along the lines outlined in this letter of October 26th.

====Address and Question and Answer Period at the Economic Club of New York====
[[File:Flag from Behind the Eagle.jpg|thumb|Security will not be determined by military or diplomatic moves alone. It will be affected by the decisions of finance ministers as well as by the decisions of Secretaries of State and Secretaries of Defense; by the deployment of fiscal and monetary weapons as well as by military weapons; and above all by the strength of this Nation's economy as well as by the strength of our defenses.]]
[[File:Stars and Stripes.jpg|thumb|When consumers purchase more goods, plants use more of their capacity, men are hired instead of laid off, investment increases and profits are high.]]
[[File:Diagram of the Federal Government and American Union edit.jpg|thumb|The final and best means of strengthening demand among consumers and business is to reduce the burden on private income and the deterrents to private initiative which are imposed by our present tax system. [...] In short, to increase demand and lift the economy, the Federal Government's most useful role is not to rush into a program of excessive increases in public expenditures, but to expand the incentives and opportunities for private expenditures.]]
[[File:U.S. Capitol Washington D.C..jpg|thumb|It is increasingly clear that no matter what party is in power, so long as our national security needs keep rising, an economy hampered by restrictive tax rates will never produce enough jobs or enough profits. [...] In short, it is a paradoxical truth that tax rates are too high today and tax revenues are too low and the soundest way to raise the revenues in the long run is to cut the rates now. [...] Only full employment can balance the budget, and tax reduction can pave the way to that employment. The purpose of cutting taxes now is not to incur a budget deficit, but to achieve the more prosperous, expanding economy which can bring a budget surplus.]]
[[File:Apollo 11 launch.jpg|thumb|We cannot afford to do nothing. For on the strength of our free economy rests the hope of all free nations. We shall not fail that hope, for free men and free nations must prosper and they must prevail.]]
[[File:&quot;Take the next car!&quot; LCCN2012645454.jpg|thumb|When I was a Congressman I never realized how important Congress was, but now I do.]]
[[File:- panoramio - Matt Pearson.jpg|thumb|I am reminded of Mr. [[Robert Frost]]'s motto about not taking down a fence until you know why it is put up, and this is a method by which the United States maintains a position of influence and control around the world.]]
:&lt;small&gt; The President spoke at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York City on December 14, 1962. Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/address-and-question-and-answer-period-the-economic-club-new-york John F. Kennedy, Address and Question and Answer Period at the Economic Club of New York. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project.]&lt;/small&gt;

* Less than a month ago [[Cuban Missile Crisis|this Nation reminded the world that it possessed both the will and the weapons to meet any threat to the security of free men]]. The gains we have made will not be given up, and the course that we have pursued will not be abandoned. But in the long run, that '''security will not be determined by military or diplomatic moves alone. It will be affected by the decisions of finance ministers as well as by the decisions of Secretaries of State and Secretaries of Defense; by the deployment of fiscal and monetary weapons as well as by military weapons; and above all by the strength of this Nation's economy as well as by the strength of our defenses.'''

* '''But a leading nation, a nation upon which all depend not only in this country but around the world, cannot afford to be satisfied, to look back or to pause. On our strength and growth depend the strength of others, the spread of [[Free trade|free world trade]] and unity, and continued confidence in our leadership and [[Dollar|our currency]].''' The underdeveloped countries are dependent upon us for the sale of their primary commodities and for aid to their struggling economies. '''In short, a prosperous and growing America is important not only to Americans--it is''', as the spokesman for 20 Western nations in the [[w:OECD|Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development]], as he stressed this week, '''of vital importance to the entire Western World.'''

* '''There is no need for us to be satisfied with a rate of growth that keeps good men out of work and good capacity out of use.'''

* '''There are a number of ways by which the Federal Government can meet its responsibilities to aid economic growth. We can and must improve American education and technical training. We can and must expand civilian research and technology.''' One of the great bottlenecks for this country's [[economic growth]] in this decade will be the shortage of doctorates in [[mathematics]], [[engineering]], and [[physics]]; a serious shortage with a great demand and an under-supply of highly trained manpower. We can and must step up the development of our natural resources. '''But the most direct and significant kind of Federal action aiding economic growth is to make possible an increase in private consumption and investment demand--to cut the fetters which hold back private spending. In the past, this could be done in part by the increased use of credit and monetary tools, but our balance of payments situation today places limits on our use of those tools for expansion. It could also be done by increasing Federal expenditures more rapidly than necessary, but such a course would soon demoralize both the Government and our economy. If Government is to retain the confidence of the people, it must not spend more than can be justified on grounds of national need or spent with maximum efficiency.''' 

* '''The final and best means of strengthening demand among consumers and business is to reduce the burden on private income and the deterrents to private initiative which are imposed by our present [[Taxation in the United States|tax system]]'''; and this administration pledged itself last summer to an across-the-board, top-to-bottom cut in personal and corporate income taxes to be enacted and become effective in 1963.

* I am talking about the accumulated evidence of the last 5 years that our present tax system, developed as it was, in good part, during [[World War II]] to restrain growth, exerts too heavy a drag on growth in peace time; that it siphons out of the private economy too large a share of personal and business purchasing power; that it reduces the financial incentives for personal effort, investment, and risk-taking. '''In short, to increase demand and lift the economy, the Federal Government's most useful role is not to rush into a program of excessive increases in public expenditures, but to expand the incentives and opportunities for private expenditures. [...] While rising demand will expand imports, new investment in more efficient productive facilities will aid exports and a new economic climate could both draw capital from abroad and keep capital here at home.''' 

* '''Too large a tax cut, of course, could result in [[inflation]] and insufficient future revenues--but the greatest danger is a tax cut too little or too late to be effective.'''

* '''When [[Consumption (economics)|consumers]] purchase more goods, plants use more of their capacity, men are hired instead of laid off, [[investment]] increases and [[Profit|profits]] are high.'''

* '''[[w:Corporate tax|Corporate tax]] rates must also be cut to increase incentives and the availability of investment capital.''' The Government has already taken major steps this year to reduce business tax liability and to stimulate the modernization, replacement, and expansion of our productive plant and equipment. [...] For all these reasons, next year's '''tax bill should reduce personal as well as corporate income taxes, for those in the lower brackets, who are certain to spend their additional take-home pay, and for those in the middle and upper brackets, who can thereby be encouraged to undertake additional efforts and enabled to invest more capital.'''

* Third, '''the new tax bill should improve both the equity and the simplicity of our present tax system. This means the enactment of long-needed tax reforms, a broadening of the tax base and the elimination or modification of many special tax privileges. These steps are not only needed to recover lost revenue and thus make possible a larger cut in present rates; they are also tied directly to our goal of greater growth. For the present patchwork of special provisions and preferences lightens the tax load of some only at the cost of placing a heavier burden on others. It distorts economic judgments and channels an undue amount of energy into efforts to avoid tax liabilities. It makes certain types of less productive activity more profitable than other more valuable undertakings. All this inhibits our growth and efficiency, as well as considerably complicating the work of both the taxpayer and the [[IRS|Internal Revenue Service]]. These various exclusions and concessions have been justified in part as a means of overcoming oppressively high rates in the upper brackets--and a sharp reduction in those rates, accompanied by base-broadening, loophole-closing measures, would properly make the new rates not only lower but also more widely applicable. Surely this is more equitable on both counts.'''

*  I am confident that '''the enactment of the right bill''' next year '''will in due course increase our gross national product by several times the amount of taxes actually cut. Profit margins will be improved and both the incentive to invest and the supply of internal funds for investment will be increased. There will be new interest in taking risks, in increasing productivity, in creating new jobs and new products for long-term economic growth. Other national problems, moreover, will be aided by full employment. It will encourage the location of new plants in areas of labor surplus and provide new jobs for workers that we are retraining and facilitate the adjustment which will be necessary under our new trade expansion bill and reduce a number of government expenditures.'''

*  '''If the [[Economy of the United States|economy]] today were operating close to capacity levels with little [[unemployment]], or if a sudden change in our military requirements should cause a scramble for men and resources, then I would oppose tax reductions as irresponsible and inflationary; and I would not hesitate to recommend a tax increase, if that were necessary.''' But our resources and manpower are not being fully utilized; the general level of [[Price|prices]] has been remarkably stable; and increased [[competition]], both at home and abroad, along with increased productivity will help keep both prices and wages within appropriate limits.

* When I announced in April of 1961 that this kind of comprehensive tax reform would follow the bill enacted this year, I had hoped to present it in an atmosphere of a balanced budget. But '''it has been necessary to augment sharply our nuclear and conventional forces, to step up our efforts in space, to meet the increased cost of servicing the [[national debt]] and meeting our obligations, established by law, to veterans. These expenditure increases, let me stress, constitute practically all of the increases which have occurred under this administration, the remainder having gone to fight the [[recession]] we found in [[industry]]--mostly through the supplemental employment bill-and in agriculture. We shall, therefore, neither postpone our tax cut plans nor cut into essential national security programs. This administration is determined to protect America's security and survival and we are also determined to step up its economic growth. I think we must do both.'''

* '''Our true choice is not between tax reduction, on the one hand, and the avoidance of large Federal deficits on the other. It is increasingly clear that no matter what party is in power, so long as our national security needs keep rising, an economy hampered by restrictive tax rates will never produce enough revenue to balance our budget just as it will never produce enough jobs or enough profits.''' Surely the lesson of the last decade is that budget deficits are not caused by wild-eyed spenders but by slow economic growth and periodic [[Recession|recessions]], and any new recession would break all deficit records. In short, '''it is a paradoxical truth that tax rates are too high today and tax revenues are too low and the soundest way to raise the revenues in the long run is to cut the rates now.''' The experience of a number of [[Europe|European]] countries and [[Japan]] have borne this out. This country's own experience with tax reduction in 1954 has borne this out. '''And the reason is that only [[w:Full employment|full employment]] can balance the budget, and tax reduction can pave the way to that employment. The purpose of cutting taxes now is not to incur a budget deficit, but to achieve the more prosperous, expanding economy which can bring a budget surplus.'''

* I repeat: '''our practical choice is not between a tax-cut deficit and a budgetary surplus. It is between two kinds of deficits: a chronic deficit of inertia, as the unwanted result of inadequate revenues and a restricted economy; or a temporary deficit of transition, resulting from a tax cut designed to boost the economy, increase tax revenues, and achieve'''--and I believe this can be done--'''a budget surplus. The first type of deficit is a sign of waste and weakness; the second reflects an investment in the future.'''

* I do not underestimate the obstacles which the Congress will face in enacting such legislation. No one will be satisfied. Everyone will have his own approach, his own bill, his own reduction. '''A high order of restraint and determination will be required if the possible is not to wait on the perfect. But a nation capable of marshaling these qualities in any dramatic threat to its security is surely capable, as a great free society, of meeting a slower and more complex threat to our economic vitality. This Nation can afford to reduce taxes, we can afford a temporary deficit, but we cannot afford to do nothing. For on the strength of our free economy rests the hope of all free nations. We shall not fail that hope, for free men and free nations must prosper and they must prevail.'''

* '''When I was a Congressman I never realized how important Congress was, but now I do.'''

* Well, '''the purpose of reform really is directed to the encouraging of growth and employment.''' I quite agree that to launch into a full scale battle on general reform for academic reasons would be unwise. '''The central purpose behind the reform must therefore be to encourage those changes in our tax laws which will encourage economic growth for that purpose, and not merely because it might have some longer range interest or significance. The primary job will be to encourage the flow of capital into those areas which stimulate the national growth and not diminish it. But it is going to be a tough fight, because once you spell out''', as I said before, '''reform, it's bound to affect adversely the interests of some, while favoring the interests of others. Therefore reform may be a longer task, and we are anxious that in the effort to get reform, that we do not lose the very important matter of tax reduction for the sake of the economy.'''

* So that as I tried to say in my speech, '''we are not faced with the question of balancing our budget, or having a tax reduction. I believe we are faced with the fact that we are going to have a deficit mostly because of the sharp rise in the recent years in space and defense, and to increase our taxes sufficient to bring that budget into balance would be defeating, because of course it would provide a heavy deflationary effect on our economy, and move us into a recession at an accelerated rate.'''

* I want to point out that we have increased in conventional forces in the last 2 years the number of our divisions from 11 to 16, and we are also providing equipment for 22 divisions in case it were necessary to mobilize our Guard. We have six divisions in Europe, and we have the equipment for two more. Now, '''I think the Cuban incident indicated the importance of a strong conventional force. The greatest factor on our side was the fact that we had superior conventional strength on the scene, and it would have been necessary to equalize that strength for the Soviets to initiate the use of [[nuclear weapons]], which of course they were quite reluctant to do.'''

* But I must say I am reminded of Mr. [[Robert Frost]]'s motto about '''not taking down a fence until you know why it is put up, and this is a method by which the United States maintains a position of influence and control around the world, and sustains a good many countries which would definitely collapse or pass into the Communist bloc.'''

=== 1963 ===
[[File:Inferno Canto 9 verses 124-126.jpg|thumb|[[Dante]] once said that the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in a period of moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.]]
[[File:PSU Army ROTC Cadets on Ropes Course.JPG|thumb|A young man who does not have what it takes to perform military service is not likely to have what it takes to make a living. Today’s military rejects include tomorrow’s hard core unemployed.]]
[[File:Archives of American Art - Children at a free Federal Art Project art class - 12043.jpg|thumb|Partnership is not a posture but a process-a continuous process that grows stronger each year as we devote ourselves to common tasks.]]
[[File:Adam Bernaert - &quot;Vanitas&quot; Still Life - Walters 37682.jpg|thumb|We need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future.]]
[[File:Kennedy children visit the Oval Office, October 1962.jpg|thumb|Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future.]]
[[File:Jfk2.jpg|thumb|As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them.]]
[[File:President Kennedy signing the 1961 Amendments into law, June 30, 1961.jpg|thumb|This is a great country and requires a good deal of all of us, so I can imagine nothing more important than for all of you to continue to work in public affairs and be interested in them, not only to bring up a family, but also give part of your time to your community, your state, and your country.]]
[[File:Kennedy vonbraun 19may63 02.jpg|thumb|The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need men who can dream of things that never were and ask &quot;why not?&quot;.]]
[[File:Kennedy with von Braun.jpg|thumb|This nation has tossed its cap over the wall of space, and we have no choice but to follow it.]]
[[File:President Kennedy inaugural address (color).jpg|thumb|Unless in this free country of ours we are able to demonstrate that we are able to make this society work and progress, unless we can hope that from you we are going to get back all of the talents which society has helped develop in you, then, quite obviously, all the hopes of all of us that freedom will not only endure but prevail, of course, will be disappointed.]]

* '''A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on. Ideas have endurance without death.'''
** Remarks Recorded for the Opening of a USIA Transmitter at Greenville, North Carolina (8 February 1963) [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKWHA-161-010.aspx Audio at JFK Library (01:29 - 01:40)] ·  [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=9551 Text of speech at ''The American Presidency Project'']&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley --&gt;

* This increase in the life span and in the number of our senior citizens presents this Nation with increased opportunities: the opportunity to draw upon their skill and sagacity — and the opportunity to provide the respect and recognition they have earned. It is not enough for a great nation merely to have added new years to life — our objective must also be to add new life to those years.
** Special message to the Congress on the needs of the nation's senior citizens (21 February 1963); in ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1963'', p. 189

* With all of the history of war, and the human race's history unfortunately has been a good deal more war than peace, with nuclear weapons distributed all through the world, and available, and the strong reluctance of any people to accept defeat, I see the possibility in the 1970's of the President of the United States having to face a world in which 15 or 20 or 25 nations may have these weapons.&quot;
* [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx The President's News Conference (107)&quot; (21 March 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --&gt;

* &quot;...'''we must think and act not only for the moment but for our time.''' I am reminded of the story of the great French Marshal Lyautey, who once asked his gardener to plant a tree. The gardener objected that the tree was slow-growing and would not reach maturity for a hundred years. The Marshal replied, 'In that case, there is no time to lose, plant it this afternoon.'&quot;
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Address in Berkeley at the University of California (109)&quot; (23 March 1962)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --&gt;

*The dangers in the proliferation of national nuclear weapons systems are so obvious that I am sure I need not repeat them here.&lt;br&gt;It is because of our preoccupation with this problem that my Government has sought to arrange with you for periodic visits to Dimona. When we spoke together in May 1961 '''you said that we might make whatever use we wished of the information resulting from the first visit of American scientists to Dimona and that you would agree to further visits''' by neutrals as well. I had assumed from Mrs. Meir's comment that there would be no problem between us on this.&lt;br&gt;'''We are concerned with the disturbing effects on world stability which would accompany the development of a nuclear weapons capability by [[Israel]].''' I cannot imagine that the [[Arabs]] would refrain from turning to the Soviet Union for assistance if Israel were to develop a nuclear weapons capability--with all the consequences this would hold. But the problem is much larger than its impact on the [[Middle East]]. Development of a nuclear weapons capability by Israel would almost certainly lead other larger countries, that have so far refrained from such development, to feel that they must follow suit.&lt;br&gt;I can well appreciate your concern for developments in the [[w:United_Arab_Republic|UAR]]. '''But I see no present or imminent nuclear threat to Israel from there.''' I am assured that our [[Espionage|intelligence]] on this question is good and that the [[Egypt|Egyptians]] do not presently have any installation comparable to Dimona, nor any facilities potentially capable of nuclear weapons production. But, of course, if you have information that would support a contrary conclusion, I should like to receive it from you through Ambassador Barbour. '''We have the capacity to check it.'''
**[https://www.jpost.com/Opinion/Op-Ed-Contributors/When-Ben-Gurion-said-no-to-JFK 18 May] 1963 [https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/kennedy-letter-to-ben-gurion-regarding-visit-to-dimona letter] to [[David Ben-Gurion]] the Prime Minister of Israel

* I think when we talk about corporal punishment, and we have to think about our own children, and we are rather reluctant, it seems to me, to have other people administering punishment to our own children, because we are reluctant, it puts a special obligation on us to maintain order and to send children out from our homes who accept the idea of discipline. So I would not be for corporal punishment in the school, but I would be for very strong discipline at home so we don't place an unfair burden on our teachers.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Historical+Resources/Archives/Reference+Desk/Press+Conferences/003POF05Pressconference56_05221963.htm News Conference 56 (22 May 1963)]

* &quot;O God, thy sea is so great and my boat is so small.&quot;
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Remarks in New York City at the Dedication of the East Coast Memorial to the Missing at Sea (203)&quot; (23 May 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --&gt; [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Quoting an old Breton fishermen's prayer that Admiral Rickover had inscribed on plaques that he gave to newly commissioned submarine captains. Rickover presented President Kennedy with one of these plaques, which sat on his desk in the Oval Office.]

* '''No country can possibly move ahead, no [[free society]] can possibly be sustained, unless it has an educated citizenry whose qualities of mind and heart permit it to take part in the complicated and increasingly sophisticated decisions that pour not only upon the President and upon the Congress, but upon all the citizens who exercise the ultimate power...Quite obviously, there is a higher purpose, and that is the hope that you will turn to the service of the State the scholarship, the education, the qualities which society has helped develop in you; that you will render on the community level, or on the state level, or on the national level, or render on the community level, or on the state level, or on the national level, or the international level a contribution to the maintenance of freedom and peace and the security of our country and those associated with it in a most critical time.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Commencement Address at San Diego State College (226)&quot; (6 June 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --&gt;

* This Nation was founded by men of many nations and backgrounds. It was founded on the principle that all men are created equal, and that the rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.
** Radio and television report to the American people on civil rights (11 June 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'', p. 468 --&gt;

* '''[[Dante]] once said that the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in a period of moral crisis, maintain their [[neutrality]].'''
** At the signing of a charter establishing the German Peace Corps, Bonn, West Germany (24 June 1963); 
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx According to the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum] President Kennedy got his facts wrong. Dante never made this statement. The closest to what President Kennedy meant is in the Inferno where the souls in the ante-room of hell, who &quot;lived without disgrace and without praise,&quot; and the coward angels, who did not rebel but did not resist the cohorts of Lucifer, are condemned to being whirled through the air by great winds while being stung by wasps and horseflies. Dante placed those who &quot;non furon ribelli né fur fedeli&quot; — were neither for nor against God, in a special region near the mouth of [[Hell]]; the lowest part of Hell, a lake of ice, was for traitors. [https://web.archive.org/web/20201213100425/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/about-jfk/life-of-john-f-kennedy/fast-facts-john-f-kennedy/john-f-kennedys-favorite-quotations-dantes-inferno According to the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library &amp; Museum in the undated article &quot;John F. Kennedy's Favorite Quotations: Dante's Inferno&quot;] President Kennedy's quote was based upon an interpretation of Dante's ''Inferno''. As ''Robert Kennedy explained'' in 1964, &quot;President Kennedy's favorite quote was really from Dante, 'The hottest places in [[Hell]] are reserved for those who in time of moral crisis preserve their neutrality.'&quot; This supposed quotation is not actually in Dante's work, but is based upon a similar one. In the ''Inferno'', [[Dante]] and his guide [[Virgil]], on their way to Hell, pass by a group of dead souls outside the entrance to Hell. These individuals, when alive, remained neutral at a time of great moral decision. Virgil explains to Dante that these souls cannot enter either Heaven or Hell because they did not choose one side or another. They are therefore worse than the greatest sinners in Hell because they are repugnant to both God and Satan alike, and have been left to mourn their fate as insignificant beings neither hailed nor cursed in life or death, endlessly travailing below Heaven but outside of Hell. This scene occurs in the third canto of the ''Inferno''. [http://www.bartleby.com/73/1211.html According to Bartleby.com] Kennedy's remark may have been inspired by the passage from Dante Alighieri's [[The Divine Comedy|La Comedia Divina]] “Inferno,” canto 3, lines 35–42 (1972) passage as translated by Geoffrey L. Bickersteth: &quot;by those disbodied wretches who were loth when living, to be either blamed or praised. [...] Fear to lose beauty caused the heavens to expel these caitiffs; nor, lest to the damned they theng ave cause to boast, receives them the deep hell.&quot; A more modern-sounding translation from the foregoing Dante's Inferno passage was translataed 1971 by Mark Musa thus: “They are mixed with that repulsive choir of angels … undecided in neutrality. Heaven, to keep its beauty, cast them out, but even Hell itself would not receive them for fear the wicked there might glory over them.”

* There are those who regard this history of past strife and exile as better forgotten. But, to use the phrase of [[William Butler Yeats|Yeats]], let us not casually reduce &quot;that great past to a trouble of fools.&quot; For '''we need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future.'''
** Speech to a joint session of the Dail and the Seanad, Dublin, Ireland (28 June 1963)

* The world is even smaller today, though the enemy of [[John Boyle O'Reilly]] is no longer a hostile power. Indeed, '''across the gulfs and barriers that now divide us, we must remember that there are no permanent enemies. Hostility today is a fact, but it is not a ruling law. The supreme reality of our time is our indivisibility as children of God and our common vulnerability on this planet.'''
** Speech to a joint session of the Dail and the Seanad, Dublin, Ireland (28 June 1963)

* '''The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need men who can dream of things that never were and ask &quot;why not?&quot;.'''
** Speech delivered to the Dail (Parliament of [[Republic of Ireland|Ireland]]) (28 June 1963)

* The peace-keeping machinery of the [[w:United Nations|United Nations]] cannot work without the help of the smaller nations, nations whose forces threaten no one and whose forces can thus help create a world in which no nation is threatened. Great powers have their responsibilities and their burdens, but the smaller nations of the world must fulfill their obligations as well.
** Speech to a joint session of the Dail and the Seanad, Dublin, Ireland (28 June 1963)

* Five score years ago the ground on which we here stand shuddered under the clash of arms and was consecrated for all time by the blood of American manhood. [[Abraham Lincoln]], [[Abraham Lincoln#The_Gettysburg_Address_.281863.29|in dedicating this great battlefield, has expressed, in words too eloquent for paraphrase or summary, why this sacrifice was necessary.]] Today, we meet not to add to his words nor to amend his sentiment but to recapture the feeling of awe that comes when contemplating a memorial to so many who placed their lives at hazard for right, as God gave them to see right. Among those who fought here were young men who but a short time before were pursuing truth in the peaceful halls of the then new [[University of Notre Dame]]. Since that time men of Notre Dame have proven, on a hundred battlefields, that the words, &quot;For God, For Country, and For Notre Dame,&quot; are full of meaning. Let us pray that God may grant us the wisdom to find and to follow a path that will enable the men of Notre Dame and all of our young men to seek truth in the halls of study rather than on the field of battle.&quot;
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Message from the President on the Occasion of Field Mass at Gettysburg, delivered by John S. Gleason, Jr.&quot; (29 June 1963)]; Box 10, President's Outgoing Executive Correspondence, White House Central Chronological Files, Papers of John F. Kennedy, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* I must say that though other days may not be so bright, as we look toward the future, that the brightest days will continue to be those we spent with you here in Ireland.
** Speech at Eyre Square, Galway, Ireland (29 June 1963)

* This is not the land of my birth, but it is the land for which I hold the greatest affection, and I certainly will come back in the springtime
** Speech at [[w:Limerick|Limerick]], [[w:Ireland|Ireland]] (29 June 1963)

* Communism has sometimes succeeded as a scavenger, but never as a leader. It has never come to power in a country that was not disrupted by war or corruption, or both.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKPOF-045-049.aspx Speech at] [[w:Allied Joint Force Command Naples|NATO Headquarters, Naples Italy]] (2 July 1963)

* '''Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Re: United States Committee for UNICEF (25 July 1963); Box 11, President's Outgoing Executive Correspondence Series, White House Central Chronological File, Presidential Papers, Papers of John F. Kennedy]

*'''And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worth while, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction: &quot;I served in the [[United States Navy]].&quot;'''
** Remarks at the U.S. Naval Academy (1 August 1963), ''Public Papers of the Presidents'' 321, p. 620

* I want to drink a cup of [[tea]] to all those Kennedys who went and all those Kennedys who stayed.
** While visiting his ancestral homestead in [[w:Wexford|Wexford]], as quoted in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/june/27/newsid_4461000/4461115.stm ''BBC News'']

* '''This is a great country and requires a good deal of all of us, so I can imagine nothing more important than for all of you to continue to work in public affairs and be interested in them, not only to bring up a family, but also give part of your time to your community, your state, and your country.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Remarks to the Delegates of Girls Nation (322)&quot; (2 August 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --&gt;

* As this State's income rises, so does the income of [[Michigan]]. As the income of Michigan rises, so does the income of the United States. '''''A rising tide lifts all the boats''''' and as [[Arkansas]] becomes more prosperous so does the United States and as this section declines so does the United States. So I regard this as an [[investment]] by the people of the United States in the United States.
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9455 Remarks in Heber Springs, Arkansas, at the Dedication of Greers Ferry Dam (3 October 1963)]
** Variant: '''Rising tide lifts all boats.'''
*** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks in Pueblo, Colorado following Approval of the Frying Pan-Arkansas Project (336)&quot; (17 August 1962)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --&gt;
** Earlier use: Well, because the Southern sector of the United States need economic growth – the South lost 3 million people in the last ten years by out-migration. On the other hand, you had great areas of great prosperity in the South. '''I believe that a rising tide lifts all the boats.''' If the economy of the United States is moving ahead, the economy of the South moves ahead. You are a great agricultural section in this [[North Carolina|State of North Carolina]]; you are also a great textile center. So are we in Massachusetts. When the economy is at a low level, marginal industries, of which textiles is almost one, particularly suffer. So if the economy of the country is moving ahead, with the resources, with more effective transportation, the South will move ahead, too. If the country is slowing down, then the South will slow down. So may I say that the fate of the North and the South and the east and the west are inextricably bound together. If one moves ahead, they all will move ahead. 
*** Question and Answer Session following a Speech at the Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina&quot; (17 September 1960). See: Remarks of Senator John F. Kennedy, Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina, September 17, 1960. Source: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. [https://archive.is/kfCvN Archived] from [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/raleigh-nc-19600917 the original] on October 23, 2024.


* I can assure you that there is no career which you will adopt when you leave college that will bring you a more and greater sense of satisfaction and a greater feeling of participation in a great effort than will your work here or in your state or in your community...this generation of Americans — you here who will be in positions of responsibility for the rest of this century — will deal with the most difficult, sensitive, and dangerous problems that any society of people has ever dealt with at any age...The [[Greeks]] defined [[happiness]] as the full use of your powers along the lines of excellence, and I can imagine no place where you can use your powers more fully along lines more excellent in the [[1960s|1960's]] than to be in the service of the United States.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Remarks to Student Participants in the White House Seminar in Government (334)&quot; (27 August 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --&gt;

* A tax cut means higher family income and higher business profits and a balanced federal budget.... As the national income grows, the federal government will ultimately end up with more [[Taxation|revenues]]. Prosperity is the real way to balance our budget. By lowering tax rates, by increasing jobs and income, we can expand tax revenues and finally bring our budget into balance.
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=9413 &quot;Radio and Television Address to the Nation on the Test Ban Treaty and the Tax Reduction Bill&quot; (18 September 1963)]

* What we seek to advance, what we seek to develop in all of our colleges and universities, are educated men and women who can bear the burdens of responsible citizenship, who can make judgments about life as it is, and as it must be, and encourage the people to make those decisions which can bring not only prosperity and security, but happiness to the people of the United States and those who depend upon it.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Address at the University of North Dakota (379)&quot; (25 September 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --&gt;

* I hope that all of you who are students here will recognize the great opportunity that lies before you in this decade, and in the decades to come, to be of service to our country. The Greeks once defined happiness as full use of your powers along lines of excellence, and I can assure you that there is no area of life where you will have an opportunity to use whatever powers you have, and to use them along more excellent lines, bringing ultimately, I think, happiness to you and those whom you serve.&quot;
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Address at the University of Wyoming (381)&quot; (25 September 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --&gt;

* I ask particularly that those of you who are now in school will prepare yourselves to bear the burden of leadership over the next 40 years here in the United States, and make sure that the United States — which I believe almost alone has maintained watch and ward for freedom — that the United States meet its responsibility. That is a wonderful challenge for us as a people.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Remarks at the Cheney Stadium in Tacoma, Washington (387)&quot; (27 September 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --&gt;

* '''A young man who does not have what it takes to perform [[military service]] is not likely to have what it takes to make a living. Today’s military rejects include tomorrow’s hard core unemployed.'''
** [http://www.bartleby.com/73/1189.html President JOHN F. KENNEDY, statement on the need for training or rehabilitation of Selective Service rejectees&quot; (30 September 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'', p. 753--&gt;; also: [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9446&amp;st=&amp;st1= John F. Kennedy: &quot;Statement by the President on the Need for Training or Rehabilitation of Selective Service Rejectees&quot; (30 September 1963)]&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;

* '''Things don't just happen, they are made to happen.'''
** Speech given at the Arkansas State Fairground, Little Rock, United States of America (3 October 1963); quoted in ''John F. Kennedy in Quotations: A Topical Dictionary, with Sources'' (2013), McFarland, entry 1729&lt;!-- &lt;small&gt;{{ISBN|1586486381}}&lt;/small&gt; --&gt; 

* We can say with some assurance that, although children may be the victims of fate, they will not be the victims of our neglect.
** &quot;Remarks upon signing the Maternal and Child Health and Mental Retardation Planning Bill (434)&quot; (24 October 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --&gt;

* '''A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.'''
** [http://millercenter.org/president/speeches/speech-3379 Remarks at Amherst College (26 October 1963)]

* The men who create power make an indispensable contribution to the Nation's greatness, but the men who question power make a contribution just as indispensable, especially when that questioning is disinterested, for they determine whether we use power or power uses us.
** Remarks at {{w|Amherst College}} (26 October 1963)

* '''When power leads man towards [[arrogance]], [[poetry]] reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses. For art establishes the basic human truth which must serve as the touchstone of our [[judgment]].'''
** Remarks at Amherst College (26 October 1963)

* The artist, however faithful to his personal vision of reality, becomes the last champion of the individual mind and sensibility against an intrusive society and an officious state. The great artist is thus a solitary figure.
** Remarks at Amherst College (26 October 1963)

* '''We must never forget that art is not a form of [[propaganda]]; it is a form of truth.'''
** Remarks at Amherst College (26 October 1963)

* '''I have said that control of arms is a mission that we undertake particularly for our children and our grandchildren and that they have no lobby in Washington.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Statement by the President to American Women Concerning their Role in Securing World Peace (449)&quot; (1 November 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --&gt;

* The name of [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk|Atatürk]] brings to mind the historic accomplishments of one of the great men of this century, his inspired leadership of the [[Turks|Turkish people]], his perceptive understanding of the modern world and his boldness as a military leader.
** Speaking in Washington D.C. (10 November 1963), [http://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=File%3AJFKennedy_November1963.ogg on the 25th commemoration of Atatürk's death.] It was his speech to the Turkish people on the occasion of 25th anniversary of the death of [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]] and the 40th anniversary of the [[Turkey|Turkish Republic]] [http://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=File%3AJFKennedy_November1963.ogg in November 1963.] 

* The margin is narrow, but the responsibility is clear.
** [[John F. Kennedy]], press conference (November 10, 1963). Transcript, ''The New York Times'' (November 11, 1963), p. 20. In Theodore Sorensen's ''Kennedy'' (1965), these words are followed by &quot;There may be difficulties with the Congress, but a margin of only one vote would still be a mandate&quot; (p. 219).

* '''This nation has tossed its cap over the wall of space, and we have no choice but to follow it.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Remarks in San Antonio at the Dedication of the Aerospace Medical Health Center (472),&quot; (21 November 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --&gt;; the original anecdote from which Kennedy derived this comparison is in ''An Only Child'' (1961) by Frank O'Connor, p. 180&lt;!-- London: MacMillan &amp; Co. Ltd. --&gt;.

* Much [[time]] has passed since [[European colonization of the Americas|the first colonists came to rocky shores]] and dark [[forests]] of [[North America|an unknown continent]], much time since [[President of the United States|President]] [[George Washington|Washington]] led a young people into the [[experience]] of nationhood, much time since President [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] saw the American nation through the ordeal of [[American Civil War|fraternal war]] — and in these years our population, our plenty and our [[power]] have all grown apace. Today we are a nation of nearly two hundred million souls, stretching from coast to coast, on into the [[Pacific Ocean|Pacific]] and north toward the [[Arctic]], a nation enjoying the fruits of an ever-expanding agriculture and [[industry]] and achieving standards of living unknown in previous history. We give our humble thanks for this. &lt;br /&gt; Yet, as our power has grown, so has our [[peril]]. Today we give our thanks, most of all, for the [[ideals]] of [[honor]] and [[faith]] we inherit from our forefathers — for the [[decency]] of [[purpose]], steadfastness of [[resolve]] and [[strength]] of [[will]], for the [[courage]] and the [[humility]], which they possessed and which we must seek every day to emulate. '''As we express our [[gratitude]], we must never forget that the highest [[appreciation]] is not to utter [[words]] but to [[live]] by them. &lt;br /&gt; Let us therefore proclaim our gratitude to [[Providence]] for manifold [[blessings]] — let us be humbly thankful for inherited ideals — and let us [[resolve]] to [[share]] those blessings and those ideals with our fellow [[human]] beings throughout the [[world]].'''
** [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/proclamation-3560-thanksgiving-day-1963 Proclamation 3560 — Thanksgiving Day (5 November 1963)]&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;; this was a proclamation released on 5 November for the Thanksgiving Day of 1963, which in that year fell upon the 28th day of that month.

* I come here today...not just because you are doing well and because you are outstanding students, but because we expect something of you. And '''unless in this free country of ours we are able to demonstrate that we are able to make this society work and progress, unless we can hope that from you we are going to get back all of the talents which society has helped develop in you, then, quite obviously, all the hopes of all of us that freedom will not only endure but prevail, of course, will be disappointed.''' So we ask the best of you...I congratulate you on what you have done, and most of all I congratulate you on what you are going to do.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx &quot;Remarks in New York City to the National Convention of the Catholic Youth Organization (463),&quot; (15 November 1963)]&lt;!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --&gt;

====Third State of the Union Address ====
[[File:Kennedy Family with Dogs During a Weekend at Hyannisport 1963-crop.png|thumb|The future of any country which is dependent upon the will and wisdom of its citizens is damaged, and irreparably damaged, whenever any of its children is not educated to the full extent of his talent.]]
[[File:Flickr - The U.S. Army - Young patriot.jpg|thumb|This country cannot afford to be materially rich and spiritually poor.]]
[[File:MacMillian and Kennedy in Key West March 1961.jpg|thumb|While we shall never weary in the defense of freedom, neither shall we ever abandon the pursuit of peace.]]
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9138&amp;st=&amp;st1= &quot;Annual Message to the Congress on the State of the Union&quot; (14 January 1963)]&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;&lt;/small&gt;

* Little more than 100 weeks ago I assumed the office of President of the United States. '''In seeking the help of the Congress and our countrymen, I pledged no easy answers. I pledged — and asked — only toil and dedication. These the Congress and the people have given in good measure.'''

* In short, both at home and abroad, there may now be a temptation to relax. For '''the road has been long, the burden heavy, and the pace consistently urgent. But we cannot be satisfied to rest here. This is the side of the hill, not the top. The mere absence of war is not peace. The mere absence of recession is not growth. We have made a beginning — but we have only begun. Now the time has come to make the most of our gains''' — to translate the renewal of our national strength into the achievement of our national purpose.

* I am convinced that the enactment this year of tax reduction and tax reform overshadows all other domestic problems in this Congress. For we cannot for long lead the cause of peace and freedom, if we ever cease to set the pace here at home. For '''we cannot for long lead the cause of peace and freedom, if we ever cease to set the pace here at home.'''

* '''This country cannot afford to be materially rich and spiritually poor.'''

* '''The future of any country which is dependent upon the will and wisdom of its citizens is damaged, and irreparably damaged, whenever any of its children is not educated to the full extent of his talent''', from grade school through [https://madchemclasses.online/ graduate school].

* '''As the idealism of our youth has served world peace, so can it serve the domestic tranquility.'''

* These are not domestic concerns alone. For '''upon our achievement of greater vitality and strength here at home hang our fate and future in the world''': our ability to sustain and supply the security of free men and nations, our ability to command their respect for our leadership, our ability to expand our trade without threat to our balance of payments, and our ability to adjust to the changing demands of cold war competition and challenge. '''We shall be judged more by what we do at home than by what we preach abroad.''' Nothing we could do to help the developing countries would help them half as much as a booming U.S. economy. And nothing our opponents could do to encourage their own ambitions would encourage them half as much as a chronic lagging U.S. economy. These domestic tasks do not divert energy from our security — they provide the very foundation for freedom's survival and success.

* But '''complacency or self-congratulation can imperil our security as much as the weapons of tyranny. A moment of pause is not a promise of peace.'''

* For '''the road to world peace and freedom is still long, and there are burdens which only full partners can share — in supporting the common defense, in expanding world trade''', in aligning our balance of payments, in aiding the emergent nations, '''in concerting political and economic policies''', and in welcoming to our common effort other industrialized nations, notably Japan, whose remarkable economic and political development of the 1950's permits it now to play on the world scene a major constructive role.

* For '''the unity of freedom has never relied on uniformity of opinion.'''

* '''While we shall never weary in the defense of freedom, neither shall we ever abandon the pursuit of peace.'''

* For '''we seek not the worldwide victory of one nation or system but a worldwide victory of man. The modern globe is too small, its weapons are too destructive, and its disorders are too contagious to permit any other kind of victory.'''

==== Address at Vanderbilt University ====
[[File:Statue of Liberty 23.JPG|thumb|Liberty without learning is always in peril, and learning without liberty is always in vain.]]
[[File:ArchivesRotunda.jpg|thumb|The protection of our rights can endure no longer than the performance of our responsibilities. Each can be neglected only at the peril of the other.]]
[[File:The County Election, Bingham, 1846.jpg|thumb|The ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all.]]
[[File:Statue of Liberty, Silhouette.jpg|thumb|Only an educated and informed people will be a free people.]]
[[File:Authority of Law SCOTUS.JPG|thumb|Law is the adhesive force in the cement of society, creating order out of chaos and coherence in place of anarchy.]]
[[File:1942 JFK uniform portrait.jpg|thumb|Only a respect for the law makes it possible for free men to dwell together in peace and progress.]]
:&lt;small&gt; [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/aZ0Im5s0mUqPJlFNs6iO4A.aspx Remarks in Nashville at the 90th Anniversary Convocation of Vanderbilt University] ([[18 May]] [[1963]]). In May of 1963, President Kennedy added his weight to the federal government’s preparation for the impending clash with the state of Alabama over the integration of the [[w:University of Alabama|University of Alabama]]. Less than a week after the bombing of a Black American’s home and hotel in Birmingham, President Kennedy made a one-day trip to Tennessee and Alabama, saluting the ninetieth anniversary of Vanderbilt University and the thirtieth anniversary of the Tennessee Valley Authority, but in addition reminding his listeners of their roles and responsibilities as citizens. In a spirited and eloquent speech before an estimated crowd of 30,000 people in the stadium at [[w:Vanderbilt University|Vanderbilt University]] in Nashville, Tennessee on May 18, 1963, President Kennedy reminded his listeners that it falls to the educated man to assume the greater obligations of citizenship — for the pursuit of learning, to serve the public and to uphold the law.&lt;/small&gt;

* The essence of Vanderbilt is still learning, the essence of its outlook is still liberty, and liberty and learning will be and must be the touchstones of Vanderbilt University and of any free university in this country or the world. I say two touchstones, yet they are almost inseparable, inseparable if not indistinguishable, for '''liberty without learning is always in peril, and learning without liberty is always in vain.'''

* This State, this city, this campus, have stood long for both human rights and human enlightenment — and let that forever be true. This Nation is now engaged in a continuing debate about the rights of a portion of its citizens. This Nation is now engaged in a continuing debate about the rights of a portion of its citizens. That will go on, and those rights will expand until the standard first forged by the Nation's founders has been reached, and all Americans enjoy equal opportunity and liberty under law. But this Nation was not founded solely on the principle of citizens' rights. Equally important, though too often not discussed, is the citizen's responsibility. For '''our privileges can be no greater than our obligations. The protection of our rights can endure no longer than the performance of our responsibilities. Each can be neglected only at the peril of the other. I speak to you today, therefore, not of your rights as Americans, but of your responsibilities. They are many in number and different in nature. They do not rest with equal weight upon the shoulders of all. Equality of opportunity does not mean equality of responsibility. All Americans must be responsible citizens, but some must be more responsible than others, by virtue of their public or their private position, their role in the family or community, their prospects for the future, or their legacy from the past. Increased responsibility goes with increased ability, for &quot;[[s:Bible_(King_James)/Luke#Chapter_12|of those to whom much is given, much is required.]]&quot;'''

* You have responsibilities, in short, to use your talents for the benefit of the society which helped develop those talents. You must decide, as [[Goethe]] put it, whether you will be an anvil or a hammer, whether you will give to the world in which you were reared and educated the broadest possible benefits of that education. '''Of the many special obligations incumbent upon an educated citizen, I would cite three as outstanding: your obligation to the pursuit of learning, your obligation to serve the public, your obligation to uphold the law.'''

* '''If the pursuit of learning is not defended by the educated citizen, it will not be defended at all.''' For there will always be those who scoff at intellectuals, who cry out against research, who seek to limit our educational system. Modern cynics and skeptics see no more reason for landing a man on the moon, which we shall do, than the cynics and skeptics of half a millennium ago saw for the discovery of this country. They see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing. &lt;/br&gt; But the educated citizen knows how much more there is to know. He knows that &quot;knowledge is power,&quot; more so today than ever before. He knows that '''only an educated and informed people will be a free people''', that '''the ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all''', and that '''if we can, as [[Thomas Jefferson|Jefferson]] put it, &quot;enlighten the people generally … tyranny and the oppressions of mind and body will vanish, like evil spirits at the dawn of day.&quot; And, therefore, the educated citizen has a special obligation to encourage the pursuit of learning, to promote exploration of the unknown, to preserve the freedom of inquiry, to support the advancement of research, and to assist at every level of government the improvement of education for all Americans, from grade school to graduate school.'''

* Secondly, the educated citizen has an obligation to serve the public. He may be a precinct worker or President. He may give his talents at the courthouse, the State house, the White House. He may be a civil servant or a Senator, a candidate or a campaign worker, a winner or a loser. But he must be a participant and not a spectator. &quot;At the [[Olympic Games|Olympic games]],&quot; [[Aristotle]] wrote, &quot;it is not the finest and strongest men who are crowned, but they who enter the lists-for out of these the prize-men are elected. So, too, in life, of the honorable and the good, it is they who act who rightly win the prizes.&quot;

* I urge all of you today, especially those who are students, to act, to enter the lists of public service and rightly win or lose the prize. For we can have only one form of aristocracy in this country, as Jefferson wrote long ago in rejecting [[John Adams]]' suggestion of an artificial [[aristocracy]] of wealth and birth. It is, he wrote, the natural aristocracy of character and talent, and the best form of government, he added, was that which selected these men for positions of responsibility.

* I would hope that all educated citizens would fulfill this obligation — in politics, in Government, here in Nashville, here in this State, in the [[w:United States Peace Corps|Peace Corps]], in the Foreign Service, in the Government Service, in the Tennessee Valley, in the world. You will find the pressures greater than the pay. You may endure more public attacks than support. But you will have the unequaled satisfaction of knowing that your character and talent are contributing to the direction and success of this free society.

* '''Third, and finally, the educated citizen has an obligation to uphold the law.''' This is the obligation of every citizen in a free and peaceful society — but the educated citizen has a special responsibility by the virtue of his greater understanding. For whether he has ever studied history or current events, ethics or civics, the rules of a profession or the tools of a trade, he knows that '''only a respect for the law makes it possible for free men to dwell together in peace and progress.'''

* He knows that '''law is the adhesive force in the cement of society, creating order out of chaos and coherence in place of anarchy.''' He knows that for one man to defy a law or court order he does not like is to invite others to defy those which they do not like, leading to a breakdown of all justice and all order. He knows, too, that '''every fellowman is entitled to be regarded with decency and treated with dignity. Any educated citizen who seeks to subvert the law, to suppress freedom, or to subject other human beings to acts that are less than human, degrades his heritage, ignores his learning, and betrays his obligation.'''

* Certain '''other societies may respect the rule of force — we respect the rule of law.'''

* Ninety years from now I have no doubt that [[w:Vanderbilt University|Vanderbilt University]] will still be fulfilling this mission. It will still uphold learning, encourage public service, and teach respect for the law. It will neither turn its back on proven wisdom or turn its face from newborn challenge. It will still pass on to the youth of our land the full meaning of their rights and their responsibilities. And it will still be teaching the truth — the '''truth''' that '''makes us free and will keep us free.'''

==== [[w:John F. Kennedy#American_University_speech|American University speech]] ====
:&lt;small&gt; [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/BWC7I4C9QUmLG9J6I8oy8w.aspx Commencement Address at American University (10 June 1963)]; also entitled “Strategy of Peace”, is considered one of Kennedy’s most powerful speeches, in which Kennedy laid out a hopeful, yet realistic route for world peace at a time when the U.S. and [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]] faced the potential for an escalating nuclear arms race. Kennedy addressed American University graduates mere months after the fierce standoff over the [[w:Cuban Missile Crisis|Cuban Missile Crisis]]. At the time of his speech world powers were gathered in Geneva to discuss complete nuclear disarmament. In his speech the President asks the graduates to re-examine their attitudes towards [[peace]], the Soviet Union, and the [[w:Cold War|Cold War]], famously remarking, &quot;If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can make the world safe for diversity.&quot; The President also announces that he, Soviet Premier [[Nikita Khrushchev]], and British Prime Minister [[Harold Macmillan]] have agreed to hold discussions concerning a comprehensive nuclear test ban treaty. Finally, he explains that the United States will not conduct atmospheric nuclear tests on the condition that other countries uphold this same promise.&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:JFK1968-Front&amp;Back.jpg|thumb|Our problems are manmade — therefore, they can be solved by man. And man can be as big as he wants. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.]]
[[File:President Kennedy addresses nation on Civil Rights, 11 June 1963.jpg|thumb|If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can make the world safe for diversity.]]
[[File:President Kennedy American University Commencement Address June 10, 1963.jpg|thumb|No government or social system is so evil that its people must be considered as lacking in virtue.]]
[[File:Castle Romeo.jpg|thumb|Nuclear powers must avert those confrontations which bring an adversary to a choice of either a humiliating retreat or a nuclear war. To adopt that kind of course in the nuclear age would be evidence only of the bankruptcy of our policy — or of a collective death-wish for the world.]]
[[File:Children living next to Daurra Oil Refinery in Iraq.jpg|thumb|Our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal.]]

* I have, therefore, chosen this time and this place to discuss a topic on which ignorance too often abounds and the truth is too rarely perceived — yet it is the most important topic on earth: world peace. What kind of peace do I mean? '''What kind of peace do we seek? Not a [[w:Pax Americana|Pax Americana]] enforced on the world by American weapons of war. Not the peace of the grave or the security of the slave. I am talking about genuine peace, the kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living, the kind that enables men and nations to grow and to hope and to build a better life for their children — not merely peace for Americans but peace for all men and women — not merely peace in our time but peace for all time.'''

* I speak of peace because of the new face of war. Total war makes no sense in an age when great powers can maintain large and relatively invulnerable nuclear forces and refuse to surrender without resort to those forces. It makes no sense in an age when a single nuclear weapon contains almost ten times the explosive force delivered by all the allied air forces in the [[World War II|Second World War]]. It makes no sense in an age when the deadly poisons produced by a nuclear exchange would be carried by wind and water and soil and seed to the far corners of the globe and to generations yet unborn. '''Today the expenditure of billions of dollars every year on weapons acquired for the purpose of making sure we never need to use them is essential to keeping the peace. But surely the acquisition of such idle stockpiles — which can only destroy and never create — is not the only, much less the most efficient, means of assuring peace. I speak of peace''', therefore, '''as the necessary rational end of rational men. I realize that the pursuit of peace is not as dramatic as the pursuit of war — and frequently the words of the pursuer fall on deaf ears. But we have no more urgent task.'''

* '''Some say that it is useless to speak of world peace or world law or world disarmament — and that it will be useless until the leaders of the Soviet Union adopt a more enlightened attitude. I hope they do. I believe we can help them do it. But I also believe that we must reexamine our own attitude — as individuals and as a Nation — for our attitude is as essential as theirs.''' And every graduate of this school, '''every thoughtful citizen who despairs of war and wishes to bring peace, should begin by looking inward — by examining his own attitude toward the possibilities of peace, toward the Soviet Union, toward the course of the cold war and toward freedom and peace here at home.'''

* '''Let us examine our attitude toward peace itself. Too many of us think it is impossible. Too many think it unreal. But that is a dangerous, defeatist belief. It leads to the conclusion that war is inevitable — that mankind is doomed — that we are gripped by forces we cannot control.''' We need not accept that view. '''Our problems are manmade — therefore, they can be solved by man. And man can be as big as he wants. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.''' Man's reason and spirit have often solved the seemingly unsolvable — and we believe they can do it again.

* '''I am not referring to the absolute, infinite concept of peace and good will of which some fantasies and fanatics dream. I do not deny the value of hopes and dreams but we merely invite discouragement and incredulity by making that our only and immediate goal. Let us focus instead on a more practical, more attainable peace — based not on a sudden revolution in human nature but on a gradual evolution in human institutions — on a series of concrete actions and effective agreements which are in the interest of all concerned.''' There is no single, simple key to this peace — no grand or magic formula to be adopted by one or two powers. '''Genuine peace must be the product of many nations, the sum of many acts. It must be dynamic, not static, changing to meet the challenge of each new generation. For peace is a process — a way of solving problems'''.
** Kennedy's &quot;focus on a more practical, more attainable peace, based not on a sudden revolution in human nature but on a gradual evolution of human institutions.&quot; was quoted by [[Barack Obama]] in his [[Barack Obama#Nobel_Prize_acceptance_speech|Nobel Prize acceptance speech]].

* '''World peace, like community peace, does not require that each man love his neighbor — it requires only that they live together in mutual tolerance, submitting their disputes to a just and peaceful settlement.''' And history teaches us that enmities between nations, as between individuals, do not last forever. However fixed our likes and dislikes may seem, the tide of time and events will often bring surprising changes in the relations between nations and neighbors.

* '''Peace need not be impracticable, and war need not be inevitable. By defining our goal more clearly, by making it seem more manageable and less remote, we can help all peoples to see it, to draw hope from it, and to move irresistibly toward it.'''

* '''No government or social system is so evil that its people must be considered as lacking in virtue.'''

* In short, both the United States and its allies, and the Soviet Union and its allies, have a mutually deep interest in a just and genuine peace and in halting the arms race. Agreements to this end are in the interests of the Soviet Union as well as ours — and even the most hostile nations can be relied upon to accept and keep those treaty obligations, and only those treaty obligations, which are in their own interest. So, '''let us not be blind to our differences — but let us also direct attention to our common interests and to the means by which those differences can be resolved. And if we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal.'''

* Let us reexamine our attitude toward the cold war, remembering that we are not engaged in a debate, seeking to pile up debating points. We are not here distributing blame or pointing the finger of judgment. '''We must deal with the world as it is, and not as it might have been had the history of the last 18 years been different.''' We must, therefore, persevere in the search for peace in the hope that constructive changes within the Communist bloc might bring within reach solutions which now seem beyond us. We must conduct our affairs in such a way that it becomes in the Communists' interest to agree on a genuine peace. Above all, while defending our own vital interests, '''nuclear powers must avert those confrontations which bring an adversary to a choice of either a humiliating retreat or a [[nuclear war]]. To adopt that kind of course in the nuclear age would be evidence only of the bankruptcy of our policy — or of a collective death-wish for the world.''' To secure these ends, America's weapons are nonprovocative, carefully controlled, designed to deter, and capable of selective use. Our military forces are committed to peace and disciplined in self- restraint. Our diplomats are instructed to avoid unnecessary irritants and purely rhetorical hostility. For '''we can seek a relaxation of tension without relaxing our guard.''' And, for our part, '''we do not need to use threats to prove that we are resolute.''' We do not need to jam foreign broadcasts out of fear our faith will be eroded. '''We are unwilling to impose our system on any unwilling people — but we are willing and able to engage in peaceful competition with any people on earth.'''

* The [[Communist]] drive to impose their political and economic system on others is the primary cause of world tension today. For '''there can be no doubt that, if all nations could refrain from interfering in the self-determination of others, the peace would be much more assured.'''

* The one major area of these negotiations where the end is in sight, yet where a fresh start is badly needed, is in a treaty to outlaw nuclear tests. The conclusion of such a treaty, so near and yet so far, would check the spiraling arms race in one of its most dangerous areas. It would place the nuclear powers in a position to deal more effectively with one of the greatest hazards which man faces in 1963, the further spread of nuclear arms. It would increase our security — it would decrease the prospects of war. Surely this goal is sufficiently important to require our steady pursuit, yielding neither to the temptation to give up the whole effort nor the temptation to give up our insistence on vital and responsible safeguards.

* Finally, my fellow Americans, '''let us examine our attitude toward peace and freedom here at home. The quality and spirit of our own society must justify and support our efforts abroad.''' We must show it in the dedication of our own lives--as many of you who are graduating today will have a unique opportunity to do, by serving without pay in the Peace Corps abroad or in the proposed National Service Corps here at home. But '''wherever we are, we must all, in our daily lives, live up to the age-old faith that peace and freedom walk together. In too many of our cities today, the peace is not secure because the freedom is incomplete. It is the responsibility of the executive branch at all levels of government--local, State, and National--to provide and protect that freedom for all of our citizens by all means within their authority. It is the responsibility of the legislative branch at all levels, wherever that authority is not now adequate, to make it adequate. And it is the responsibility of all citizens in all sections of this country to respect the rights of all others and to respect the law of the land. All this is not unrelated to world peace. [[s:https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Bible_(King_James)/Proverbs#Chapter_16|&quot;When a man's ways please the Lord,&quot; the Scriptures tell us, &quot;he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.&quot;]]''' 

* '''And is not peace, in the last analysis, basically a matter of human rights — the right to live out our lives without fear of devastation — the right to breathe air as nature provided it — the right of future generations to a [https://www.pumpernickel-online.co.uk/ healthy] existence?'''

* '''While we proceed to safeguard our national interests, let us also safeguard human interests. And the elimination of war and arms is clearly in the interest of both.'''

* '''No treaty, however much it may be to the advantage of all, however tightly it may be worded, can provide absolute security against the risks of deception and evasion. But it can — if it is sufficiently effective in its enforcement and if it is sufficiently in the interests of its signers — offer far more security and far fewer risks than an unabated, uncontrolled, unpredictable arms race.'''

* '''The United States, as the world knows, will never start a war. We do not want a war. We do not now expect a war. This generation of Americans has already had enough — more than enough — of war and hate and oppression. We shall be prepared if others wish it. We shall be alert to try to stop it. But we shall also do our part to build a world of peace where the weak are safe and the strong are just. We are not helpless before that task or hopeless of its success. Confident and unafraid, we labor on — not toward a strategy of annihilation but toward a strategy of peace.'''

==== [[w:Civil Rights Address|Civil Rights Address]] ====
:&lt;small&gt; The [[s:Civil Rights Message|Civil Rights Address]] delivered on radio and television from the Oval Office (11 June 1963) in which he proposed legislation which developed into the [[w:Civil Rights Act of 1964|Civil Rights Act of 1964]]. He responds to the threats of violence and obstruction on the [[w:University of Alabama|University of Alabama]] campus following [[w:Desegregation|desegregation attempts]], explaining that the United States was founded on the principle that all men are created equal and thus, all American students are entitled to attend public educational institutions, regardless of race. He also discusses how discrimination affects education, public safety, and international relations, noting that the country cannot preach freedom internationally while ignoring it domestically. The President asks Congress to enact legislation protecting all Americans' voting rights, legal standing, educational opportunities, and access to public facilities, but recognizes that legislation alone cannot solve the country's problems concerning race relations.&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Writing the Declaration of Independence 1776 cph.3g09904.jpg|thumb|This Nation was founded by men of many nations and backgrounds. It was founded on the principle that all men are created equal, and that the rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.]]
[[File:March_on_Washington_edit.jpg|thumb|A great change is at hand, and our task, our obligation, is to make that revolution, that change, peaceful and constructive for all.]]
[[File:President Kennedy addresses nation on Civil Rights, 11 June 1963.jpg|thumb|This Nation, for all its hopes and all its boasts, will not be fully free until all its citizens are free.]]

* '''This Nation was founded by men of many nations and backgrounds. It was founded on the principle that all men are created equal, and that the rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.'''

* Today we are committed to a worldwide struggle to promote and protect the rights of all who wish to be free. And when Americans are sent to Vietnam or West Berlin, we do not ask for whites only. It ought to be possible, therefore, for American students of any color to attend any public institution they select without having to be backed up by troops.

* It ought to be possible for American consumers of any color to receive equal service in places of public accommodation, such as hotels and restaurants and theaters and retail stores, without being forced to resort to demonstrations in the street, and it ought to be possible for American citizens of any color to register and to vote in a free election without interference or fear of reprisal. It ought to be possible, in short, for every American to enjoy the privileges of being American without regard to his race or his color. In short, every American ought to have the right to be treated as he would wish to be treated, as one would wish his children to be treated. But this is not the case.

* This is not a sectional issue. Difficulties over segregation and discrimination exist in every city, in every State of the Union, producing in many cities a rising tide of discontent that threatens the public safety. Nor is this a partisan issue. '''In a time of domestic crisis men of good will and generosity should be able to unite regardless of party or politics.''' This is not even a legal or legislative issue alone. It is better to settle these matters in the courts than on the streets, and new laws are needed at every level, but law alone cannot make men see right. We are confronted primarily with a moral issue. It is as old as the [[w:Religious text|scriptures]] and is as clear as the [[United States Constitution|American Constitution]].

* The heart of the question is whether all Americans are to be afforded equal rights and equal opportunities, whether we are going to treat our fellow Americans as we want to be treated. If an American, because his skin is dark, cannot eat lunch in a restaurant open to the public, if he cannot send his children to the best public school available, if he cannot vote for the public officials who represent him, if, in short, he cannot enjoy the full and free life which all of us want, then who among us would be content to have the color of his skin changed and stand in his place? Who among us would then be content with the counsels of patience and delay?

* One hundred years of delay have passed since President Lincoln freed the slaves, yet their heirs, their grandsons, are not fully free. They are not yet freed from the bonds of injustice. They are not yet freed from social and economic oppression. And '''this Nation, for all its hopes and all its boasts, will not be fully free until all its citizens are free.'''

* We preach freedom around the world, and we mean it, and we cherish our freedom here at home, but are we to say to the world, and much more importantly, to each other that this is a land of the free except for the Negroes; that we have no second-class citizens except Negroes; that we have no class or caste system, no ghettoes, no master race except with respect to Negroes?

* The fires of frustration and discord are burning in every city, North and South, where legal remedies are not at hand. Redress is sought in the streets, in demonstrations, parades, and protests which create tensions and threaten violence and threaten lives. We face, therefore, a moral crisis as a country and as a people. It cannot be met by repressive police action. It cannot be left to increased demonstrations in the streets. It cannot be quieted by token moves or talk. It is a time to act in the Congress, in your State and local legislative body and, above all, in all of our daily lives. '''It is not enough to pin the blame on others, to say this is a problem of one section of the country or another, or deplore the fact that we face. A great change is at hand, and our task, our obligation, is to make that revolution, that change, peaceful and constructive for all. Those who do nothing are inviting shame as well as violence. Those who act boldly are recognizing right as well as reality.'''

* '''This is one country. It has become one country because all of us and all the people who came here had an equal chance to develop their talents.''' We cannot say to 10 percent of the population that you can't have that right; that your children can't have the chance to develop whatever talents they have; that the only way that they are going to get their rights is to go into the streets and demonstrate. I think we owe them and we owe ourselves a better country than that. Therefore, I am asking for your help in making it easier for us to move ahead and to provide the kind of equality of treatment which we would want ourselves; to give a chance for every child to be educated to the limit of his talents. As I have said before, not every child has an equal talent or an equal ability or an equal motivation, but they should have the equal right to develop their talent and their ability and their motivation, to make something of themselves.

* We have a right to expect that the [[Negro]] community will be responsible, will uphold the law, but they have a right to expect that the law will be fair, that the Constitution will be [[Color blindness (racial classification)|color blind]], as [[John Marshall Harlan|Justice Harlan]] said at the turn of the century.

====Address in the Assembly Hall at the Paulskirche in Frankfurt====
[[File:US-President John F. Kennedy stands before the Roemer - Frankfurt's City Hall in Germany 1963.jpg|thumb|Partnership is not a posture but a process-a continuous process that grows stronger each year as we devote ourselves to common tasks.]]
[[File:Weekend at Newport. President Kennedy, John F. Kennedy, Jr., in beached rowboat. Newport, RI, Bailey's Beach. - NARA - 194229.jpg|thumb|A rising tide lifts all the boats. And a partnership, by definition, serves both partners, without domination or unfair advantage. Together we have been partners in adversity — let us also be partners in prosperity.]]
[[File:North America from low orbiting satellite Suomi NPP.jpg|thumb|We must seek a world of peace — a world in which peoples dwell together in mutual respect and work together in mutual regard — a world where peace is not a mere interlude between wars, but an incentive to the creative energies of humanity.]]
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/address-the-assembly-hall-the-paulskirche-frankfurt &quot;Address in the Assembly Hall at the Paulskirche in Frankfurt, West Germany&quot; (25 June 1963)]; ''The Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1963'', p. 519&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;; also in ''The Burden and the Glory'' (1964) by John F. Kennedy, edited by Allan Nevins, p. 115]&lt;/small&gt;

* '''Partnership is not a posture but a process-a continuous process that grows stronger each year as we devote ourselves to common tasks.'''

* As they say on my own Cape Cod, '''a rising tide lifts all the boats. And a partnership, by definition, serves both partners, without domination or unfair advantage. Together we have been partners in adversity — let us also be partners in prosperity.'''

* But [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe]] tells us in his greatest poem that [[Goethe's Faust|Faust]] lost the [[liberty]] of his soul when he said to the passing moment: &quot;Stay, thou art so fair.&quot; And '''our liberty''', too, '''is endangered if we pause for the passing moment, if we rest on our achievements, if we resist the pace of progress. For time and the world do not stand still. [[Change]] is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future.'''
** ''Variant:'' '''Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future.'''
*** ''Documents on International Affairs'', 1963, Royal Institute of International Affairs, ed. Sir John Wheeler Wheeler-Bennett, p. 36.

* '''The mission is to create a new social order, rounded on liberty and justice, in which men are the masters of their fate, in which states are the servants of their citizens, and in which all men and women can share a better life for themselves and their children.''' That is the object of our common policy. To realize this vision, '''we must seek a world of peace — a world in which peoples dwell together in mutual respect and work together in mutual regard — a world where peace is not a mere interlude between wars, but an incentive to the creative energies of humanity.''' We will not find such a peace today, or even tomorrow. The obstacles to hope are large and menacing. Yet the goal of a peaceful world — today and tomorrow-must shape our decisions and inspire our purposes. So we are all idealists. We are all visionaries. Let it not be said of this''' Atlantic '''generation that we left ideals and visions to the past, nor purpose and determination to our adversaries. We have come too far, we have sacrificed too much, to disdain the future now. And we shall ever remember what [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe]] told us — that the &quot;highest wisdom, the best that mankind ever knew&quot; was the realization that &quot;he only earns his freedom and existence who daily conquers them anew.&quot;'''

==== [[w:Ich bin ein Berliner|Ich bin ein Berliner]] speech ====
:&lt;small&gt;&quot;[[s:Ich bin ein Berliner|Ich bin ein Berliner]]&quot; address at 'Rathaus Schöneberg' in West-Berlin, Germany (26 June 1963);  presented in the midst of a five-nation tour of Western Europe, Kennedy discusses his hopes for the reunification of Germany, and emphasizes the philosophical differences between capitalism and communism, noting, &quot;Freedom is indivisible, and when one man is enslaved, all are not free.&quot; In his remarks President Kennedy famously proclaims, &quot;Ich bin ein Berliner.&quot;&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Winken ueber die Berliner Mauer.jpg|thumb|Freedom is indivisible, and when one man is enslaved, all are not free.]]
[[File:JFK speech lch bin ein berliner 1.jpg|thumb|All free men, wherever they may live, are citizens of Berlin, and, therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words &quot;Ich bin ein Berliner.&quot;]]

* '''Two thousand years ago the proudest boast was &quot;[[w:Civis romanus sum|civis Romanus sum]].&quot; Today, in the world of freedom, the proudest boast is &quot;Ich bin ein Berliner.&quot;'''

* There are many people in the world who really don't understand, or say they don't, what is the great issue between the free world and the Communist world. ''Let them come to Berlin.'' There are some who say that communism is the wave of the future. ''Let them come to Berlin.'' And there are some who say in Europe and elsewhere we can work with the Communists. ''Let them come to Berlin.'' And there are even a few who say that it is true that communism is an evil system, but it permits us to make economic progress. ''Lass' sie nach Berlin kommen. Let them come to Berlin.''

* '''[[Freedom]] has many difficulties and [[democracy]] is not perfect, but we have never had to put a [[w:Berlin Wall|wall]] up to keep our people in, to prevent them from leaving us.''' [...] While '''the wall is the most obvious and vivid demonstration of the failures of the Communist system''', for all the world to see, we take no satisfaction in it, for '''it is''', as [[Willy Brandt|your Mayor]] has said, '''an offense not only against history but an offense against humanity, separating families, dividing husbands and wives and brothers and sisters, and dividing a people who wish to be joined together.'''

* What is true of this city is true of Germany — real, lasting peace in Europe can never be assured as long as [[East Germany|one German out of four]] is denied the elementary right of free men, and that is to make a free choice. In 18 years of peace and good faith, this generation of [[Germans]] has earned the right to be free, including the right to unite their [[Family|families]] and their [[Nations|nation]] in lasting peace, with good will to all people. '''You live in a defended island of freedom, but your life is part of the main. So let me ask you as I close, to lift your eyes beyond the dangers of today, to the hopes of tomorrow, beyond the freedom merely of this city of Berlin, or your country of Germany, to the advance of freedom everywhere, beyond the wall to the day of peace with justice, beyond yourselves and ourselves to all mankind.'''

* '''Freedom is indivisible, and when one man is enslaved, all are not free. When all are free, then we can look forward to that day when this city will be joined as one and this country and this great Continent of Europe in a peaceful and hopeful globe.''' When that day finally comes, as it will, the people of West Berlin can take sober satisfaction in the fact that they were in the front lines for almost two decades. &lt;br/&gt; '''All free men, wherever they may live, are citizens of Berlin, and, therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words &quot;Ich bin ein Berliner.&quot;'''

==== Address at the Free University of Berlin ====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=9310 Address at the Free University of Berlin (26 June 1963)]&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt; &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Holbein-erasmus.jpg|thumb|The duty of the scholar, of the educated man, of the man or woman whom society has developed talents in, the duty of that man or woman is to help build the society which has made their own advancement possible.]]
[[File:What_is_truth.jpg|thumb|What does truth require? It requires us to face the facts as they are, not to involve ourselves in self-deception; to refuse to think merely in slogans. [...] let us deal with the realities as they actually are, not as they might have been, and not as we wish they were.]]

* '''Prince [[Bismarck]] once said that one-third of the students of German universities broke down from overwork; another third broke down from dissipation, and the other third ruled Germany.'''
* '''The duty of the scholar, of the educated man, of the man or woman whom society has developed talents in, the duty of that man or woman is to help build the society which has made their own advancement possible.'''

* '''The scholar, the teacher, the intellectual, have a higher duty than any of the others, for society has trained you to think as well as do.'''

* First, '''what does truth require? It requires us to face the facts as they are, not to involve ourselves in self-deception; to refuse to think merely in slogans.''' If we are to work for the future of the city, '''let us deal with the realities as they actually are, not as they might have been, and not as we wish they were.'''

* '''We must''' first '''bring others to see their own true interests better than they do today.'''

* Secondly, '''what does justice require? In the end, it requires liberty.'''

* This right of '''free choice''' is no special privilege claimed by the Germans alone. It '''is an elemental requirement of human [[justice]].'''

* '''The truth doesn't die. The desire for liberty cannot be fully suppressed.'''

* As I said this morning, I am not impressed by the opportunities open to popular fronts throughout the world. '''I do not believe that any democrat can successfully ride that tiger. But I do believe in the necessity of great powers working together to preserve the human race, or otherwise we can be destroyed.'''

* But '''life is never easy. There is work to be done and obligations to be met — obligations to truth, to justice, and to liberty.'''

==== [[w:Partial_Nuclear_Test_Ban_Treaty|Limited Nuclear Test Ban Treaty]] speech ====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.jfklibrary.org/asset-viewer/archives/JFKWHA/1963/JFKWHA-207/JFKWHA-207 Radio and Television Address to the American People on the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty (26 July 1963)], asserting that the [[w:Partial_Nuclear_Test_Ban_Treaty|Limited Nuclear Test Ban Treaty]] will strengthen national security, lessen the risk and fear of radioactive fallout, reduce world tension by encouraging further dialogue, and prevent acquisition of [[nuclear weapons]] by nations not currently possessing them. The President emphasizes that while the treaty does not eliminate the threat of [[nuclear war]], a limited test ban is safer than an unlimited arms race.&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:President Kennedy signs Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, 07 October 1963.jpg|thumb|I ask you to stop and think for a moment what it would mean to have [[nuclear weapons]] in so many hands, in the hands of countries large and small, stable and unstable, responsible and irresponsible, scattered throughout the world. There would be no rest for anyone then, no stability, no real security, and no chance of effective disarmament.]]
[[File:Kennedy Family with Dogs During a Weekend at Hyannisport 1963-crop.png|thumb|The loss of even one human life [...] should be of concern to us all. Our children and grandchildren are not merely statistics toward which we can be indifferent.]]

* [[w:Trinity (nuclear test)|Eighteen years ago the advent of nuclear weapons]] [[w:History of nuclear weapons|changed the course of the world as well as the war]]. Since that time, all mankind has been struggling to escape from the darkening prospect of mass destruction on earth. In an age when both sides have come to possess enough [[nuclear power]] to destroy the human race several times over, the world of communism and the world of free choice have been caught up in a vicious circle of conflicting ideology and interest. Each increase of tension has produced an increase of arms; each increase of arms has produced an increase of tension.

* Yesterday a shaft of light cut into the darkness. Negotiations were concluded in Moscow on a treaty to ban all nuclear tests in the atmosphere, in outer space, and under water. For the first time, an agreement has been reached on bringing the forces of nuclear destruction under international control-a goal first sought in 1946 when [[Bernard Baruch]] presented [[w:Baruch Plan|a comprehensive control plan to the United Nations]].

* '''I do not say that a world without aggression or threats of [[war]] would be an easy world. It will bring new problems, new challenges from the Communists, new dangers of relaxing our vigilance or of mistaking their intent. But those dangers pale in comparison to those of the spiraling arms race and a collision course towards war. Since the beginning of history, war has been mankind's constant companion.''' It has been the rule, not the exception. Even a nation as young and as peace-loving as our own has fought through eight wars.

* '''A [[war]] today or tomorrow, if it led to [[nuclear war]], would not be like any war in history.''' A full-scale nuclear exchange, lasting less than 60 minutes, with the weapons now in existence, could wipe out more than 300 million Americans, Europeans, and Russians, as well as untold numbers elsewhere. And '''the survivors''', as Chairman Khrushchev warned the [[Chinese Communist Party|Communist]] [[China|Chinese]], &quot;the survivors would envy the dead.&quot; For they '''would inherit a world so devastated by explosions and poison and fire that today we cannot even conceive of its horrors. So let us try to turn the world away from war. Let us make the most of this opportunity, and every opportunity, to reduce tension, to slow down the perilous nuclear arms race, and to check the world's slide toward [[Global catastrophic risk|final annihilation]].'''

* '''Continued unrestricted testing by the nuclear powers, joined in time by other nations which may be less adept in limiting [[pollution]], will increasingly contaminate the [[air]] that all of us must breathe.''' Even then, '''the number of children and grandchildren with [[cancer]] in their [[Bone|bones]], with leukemia in their blood, or with [[poison]] in their lungs might seem statistically small to some, in comparison with natural health hazards. But this is not a natural health hazard — and it is not a statistical issue. The loss of even one human [[life]], or the malformation of even one [[Infant|baby]] — who may be born long after we are gone — should be of concern to us all. Our children and grandchildren are not merely statistics toward which we can be indifferent.'''

* During the next several years, in addition to the four current nuclear powers, a small but significant number of nations will have the intellectual, physical, and financial resources to produce both [[nuclear weapons]] and the means of delivering them. In time, it is estimated, many other nations will have either this capacity or other ways of obtaining nuclear warheads, even as missiles can be commercially purchased today. '''I ask you to stop and think for a moment what it would mean to have [[nuclear weapons]] in so many hands, in the hands of countries large and small, stable and unstable, responsible and irresponsible, scattered throughout the world. There would be no rest for anyone then, no stability, no real security, and no chance of effective disarmament. There would only be the increased chance of accidental war, and an increased necessity for the great powers to involve themselves in what otherwise would be local conflicts.''' If only one thermonuclear bomb were to be dropped on any American, Russian, or any other city, whether it was launched by accident or design, by a madman or by an enemy, by a large nation or by a small, from any corner of the world, that one bomb could release more destructive power on the inhabitants of that one helpless city than all the bombs dropped in the Second World War.

* '''No one can be certain what the future will bring. No one can say whether the time has come for an easing of the struggle. But history and our own conscience will judge us harsher if we do not now make every effort to test our hopes by action. And this is the place to begin.'''

* '''According to the ancient [[Chinese proverbs|Chinese proverb]], &quot;A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.&quot; My fellow Americans, let us take that first step. Let us, if we can, step back from the shadows of war and seek out the way of peace. And if that journey is a thousand miles, or even more, let history record that we, in this land, at this time, took the first step.'''

==== UN speech ====
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|[[Peace]] is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures. And however undramatic the pursuit of peace, that pursuit must go on.]]
[[File:UN Headquarters 2.jpg|thumb|The task of building the peace lies with the leaders of every nation, large and small. … The long labor of peace is an undertaking for every nation — and in this effort none of us can remain unaligned.To this goal none can be uncommitted.]]
[[File:UN_security_council_2005.jpg|thumb|But peace does not rest in charters and covenants alone. It lies in the hearts and minds of all people. And if it is cast out there, then no act, no pact, no treaty, no organization can hope to preserve it without the support and the wholehearted commitment of all people.]]
:&lt;small&gt;[[s:Address to the United Nations General Assembly (Kennedy, 1963-09-20)|Address Before the 18th General Assembly of the United Nations]] (20 September 1963). In his speech the President discusses the recently signed treaty banning atmospheric nuclear weapons tests (later known as the Partial Test Ban Treaty or Limited Test Ban Treaty), remarking that peace may be attainable when two nations with incompatible ideologies negotiate with each other. The President famously asks, &quot;Space offers no problems of sovereignty…Why, therefore, should man's first flight to the moon be a matter of national competition?&quot; President Kennedy also explains that the task of maintaining peace and decreasing global tension must be shared by all nations. He proposes ways for the United Nations to increase and improve their efforts in developing countries, specifically [https://www.pumpernickel-online.co.uk/ focusing on health], human rights, agriculture, communication, and the environment.&lt;/small&gt;

* The world has not escaped from the darkness. The long shadows of conflict and crisis envelop us still. But we meet today in an atmosphere of rising hope, and at a moment of comparative calm. My presence here today is not a sign of crisis, but of confidence. I am not here to report on a new threat to the peace or new signs of war. I have come to salute the [[United Nations]] and to show the support of the American people for your daily deliberations. For the value of this body's work is not dependent on the existence of emergencies — nor can the winning of peace consist only of dramatic victories. '''[[Peace]] is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures. And however undramatic the pursuit of peace, that pursuit must go on.'''

* '''The task of building the peace lies with the leaders of every nation, large and small. For the great powers have no monopoly on conflict or ambition.''' The cold war is not the only expression of tension in this world — and the nuclear race is not the only arms race. Even little wars are dangerous in a nuclear world. '''The long labor of peace is an undertaking for every nation — and in this effort none of us can remain unaligned. To this goal none can be uncommitted.'''

* Chronic disputes which divert precious resources from the needs of the people or drain the energies of both sides serve the interests of no one — and '''the badge of responsibility in the modern world is a willingness to seek peaceful solutions.'''

* I would say to the leaders of the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]], and to their people, that '''if either of our countries is to be fully secure, we need a much better weapon than the [[w:H-bomb|H-bomb]] — a weapon better than ballistic missiles or nuclear submarines — and that better weapon is peaceful cooperation.'''

* In these and other ways, '''let us move up the steep and difficult path toward comprehensive disarmament, securing mutual confidence through mutual verification, and building the institutions of peace as we dismantle the engines of war. We must not let failure to agree on all points delay agreements where agreement is possible. And we must not put forward proposals for propaganda purposes.'''

* Finally, in a field where the United States and the Soviet Union have a special capacity — in the field of space — there is room for new cooperation, for further joint efforts in the regulation and exploration of space. I include among these possibilities a joint expedition to the moon. '''Space offers no problems of sovereignty'''; by resolution of this Assembly, the members of the United Nations have foresworn any claim to territorial rights in outer space or on celestial bodies, and declared that international law and the United Nations Charter will apply. '''Why, therefore, should man's first flight to the moon be a matter of national competition?''' Why should the United States and the Soviet Union, in preparing for such expeditions, become involved in immense duplications of research, construction, and expenditure? Surely we should explore whether the scientists and astronauts of our two countries — indeed of all the world — cannot work together in the conquest of space, sending someday in this decade to the moon not the representatives of a single nation, but the representatives of all of our countries.

* The contest will continue — the contest between those who see a monolithic world and those who believe in diversity — but it should be a contest in leadership and responsibility instead of destruction, a contest in achievement instead of intimidation. Speaking for the United States of America, I welcome such a contest. For we believe that '''truth is stronger than error — and that freedom is more enduring than coercion.''' And in the contest for a better life, all the world can be a winner.

* '''The effort to improve the conditions of man, however, is not a task for the few. It is the task of all nations''' — acting alone, acting in groups, acting in the United Nations, '''for plague and pestilence, and plunder and pollution, the hazards of nature, and the hunger of children are the foes of every nation. The earth, the sea, and the air are the concern of every nation. And science, technology, and education can be the ally of every nation. Never before has man had such capacity to control his own environment, to end thirst and hunger, to conquer poverty and disease, to banish illiteracy and massive human misery. We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world — or to make it the last.'''

* New efforts are needed if this Assembly's [[w:Universal Declaration of Human Rights|Declaration of Human Rights]], now 15 years old, is to have full meaning. And new means should be found for promoting the free expression and trade of ideas — through travel and communication, and through increased exchanges of people, and books, and broadcasts. For as the world renounces the competition of weapons, competition in ideas must flourish — and that competition must be as full and as fair as possible.

* '''The [[United Nations]] cannot survive as a static organization.''' Its obligations are increasing as well as its size. Its Charter must be changed as well as its customs. The authors of that Charter did not intend that it be frozen in perpetuity. '''The science of weapons and war has made us all''', far more than 18 years ago in [[San Francisco]], '''one world and one human race, with one common destiny. In such a world, absolute sovereignty no longer assures us of absolute security. The conventions of peace must pull abreast and then ahead of the inventions of war. The United Nations, building on its successes and learning from its failures, must be developed into a genuine world security system.'''

* '''But peace does not rest in charters and covenants alone. It lies in the hearts and minds of all people. And if it is cast out there, then no act, no pact, no treaty, no organization can hope to preserve it without the support and the wholehearted commitment of all people. So let us not rest all our hopes on parchment and on paper; let us strive to build peace, a desire for peace, a willingness to work for peace, in the hearts and minds of all our people.''' I believe that we can. I believe '''the problems of human destiny are not beyond the reach of human beings.'''

* Two years ago I told this body that the United States had proposed, and was willing to sign, a limited test ban treaty. Today that treaty has been signed. It will not put an end to war. It will not remove basic conflicts. It will not secure freedom for all. But it can be a lever, and [[Archimedes]], in explaining the principles of the lever, was said to have declared to his friends: &quot;Give me a place where I can stand — and I shall move the world.&quot; '''My fellow inhabitants of this planet: Let us take our stand here in [[w:United Nations General Assembly|this Assembly of nations]]. And let us see if we, in our own time, can move the world to a just and lasting peace.'''

==== Address at the University of North Dakota ====
:&lt;small&gt; Address at the University of North Dakota (September 25, 1963). The President spoke in the University field house at Grand Forks after receiving an honorary degree of doctor of laws. Source: John F. Kennedy, Address at the University of North Dakota. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project. [https://web.archive.org/web/20230305190231/https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/address-the-university-north-dakota Archived] [https://archive.is/A3ZNy from] [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/address-the-university-north-dakota the original] on March 5, 2023.&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:UND 1922.jpg|thumb|All educated citizens bear the burden of governing, as active participants in the democratic process.]]
[[File:President greets Peace Corps Volunteers. White House, South Lawn. - NARA - 194180.jpg|thumb|These are the problems which face this great democracy of ours. They cannot be solved by turning away, but can be solved, I believe, by the united, intelligent effort of us all.]]
[[File:MontreGousset001.jpg|thumb|Things don't happen, they are made to happen.]]

* [[Otto von Bismarck|Prince Bismarck]], who was named after Bismarck, N. Dak., once said that one-third of the students of German universities broke down from overwork, another third broke down from dissipation, and the other third ruled Germany. I do not know which third of the student body of this school is here today, but I am confident I am talking to the future rulers of not only North Dakota, but the United States, in the sense that '''all educated citizens bear the burden of governing, as active participants in the democratic process.'''

* '''The fact of the matter is that in the field of [[Conservation|conservation]], every day that is lost is a valuable opportunity wasted. Every time, particularly in the East where they have such a massive concentration of population-every time an acre of land disappears into private development or exploitation, an acre of land which could be used for the people, we have lost a chance. We will never get it back.''' As you know, along the Atlantic Coast, nearly all of the sea, the beach, is owned by comparatively few people. We were able to set aside, a year ago, [[w:Cape Cod National Seashore|Cape Cod Park]], which is near to all of the people of New England. We are talking about doing the same now on the Delaware River. We are talking about doing the same in northern Indiana, near Gary. We have to seize these opportunities--we are talking about now doing the same in northern Wisconsin-'''we have to seize these opportunities to set aside these wilderness areas, these primitive areas, these fresh water areas, these lakes. We have to set them aside for the people who are going to come after us.'''

* '''[[Theodore Roosevelt]] once said that the White House is a great pulpit from which to preach, and I would like to preach not only [[The Strenuous Life: Essays and Addresses|the vigorous life]] which he preached for us physically, but also for us in our time, facing entirely different problems, to make the same wise, vigorous decisions which he made for the conservation of our natural resources so that you and your children can enjoy this great and rich country. Nature has been so generous to us that we have mistreated her. Now, when our country is becoming increasingly crowded, when science and technology wastes so much of what we have, we have to realize that time is running out for us.'''

* '''These are the problems which face this great democracy of ours. They cannot be solved by turning away, but can be solved, I believe, by the united, intelligent effort of us all.'''

* There is an old saying that '''things don't happen, they are made to happen. And we in our years have to make the same wise judgments about what policies will ensure us a growing prosperity as were made in the years before. The whole experience between two world wars, which was so tragic for this country, should tell us that we cannot leave it to mere chance and accident. It requires the long range judgment of all of us, the public judgment, not only the pursuit of our private interests but the public judgment of what it takes to keep''' 180 million '''people gradually rising. And anyone who thinks it can be done by accident and chance should look back on the history of 1919 to 1939 to know what can happen when we let natural forces operate completely freely.'''

* '''Unless the United States can demonstrate a sound and vigorous democratic life, a society which is not torn apart by friction and faction, an economy which is steadily growing-unless it can do all those things we cannot continue to bear the responsibilities of leadership which I think almost alone have prevented this world of ours from being overrun. The fact of the matter is that there are many things happening in the world which should serve to encourage us, as well as discourage us. [...] What we seek to advance, what we seek to develop in all of [[Higher education|our colleges and universities]], are educated men and women who can bear the burdens of responsible citizenship, who can make judgments about life as it is, and as it must be, and encourage the people to make those decisions which can bring not only prosperity and security, but happiness to the people of the United States and those who depend upon it.'''

* '''[[w:Hubert Lyautey|Marshal Lyautey]], who was the great French Marshal in [[North Africa]], was once talking to his gardener and he suggested that he plant a tree, and the gardener said, &quot;Well, why plant it? It won't flower for 100 years.&quot; And Marshal Lyautey said, &quot;In that case, plant it this afternoon.&quot; I think that is good advice for all of us.'''

==== Speech at Amherst College ====
:&lt;small&gt; Remarks upon receiving an honorary degree, [[w:Amherst College|Amherst College]], Amherst, Massachusetts (October 26, 1963); reported in ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1963'', p. 817. In his speech President Kennedy explains the importance of public service from educated citizens, and describes the role of an artist in society, noting [[Robert Frost|Frost]]’s contributions to American arts, culture, and ideology. The President discusses the nature of strength and power, famously stating, “When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man’s concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.” See also: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum (October 26, 1963): ''Remarks at Amherst College on the Arts''. [https://web.archive.org/web/20221205100727/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/about-jfk/historic-speeches/remarks-at-amherst-college-on-the-arts Archived] [https://archive.ph/gdFQ7 from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/about-jfk/historic-speeches/remarks-at-amherst-college-on-the-arts the original] on December 2, 2022.&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:1983 Robert Frost One-Ounce Gold Medal.jpg |thumb|The men who create power make an indispensable contribution to the Nation's greatness, but the men who question power make a contribution just as indispensable, especially when that questioning is disinterested, for they determine whether we use power or power uses us.]]
[[File:John_F_Kennedy_Official_Portrait.jpg |thumb|When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations...]]
[[File:Chapmans Coffin.jpg|thumb|A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.]]
[[File:Amherst Center, Amherst, MA, USA - panoramio (1).jpg|thumb|The artist, however faithful to his personal vision of reality, becomes the last champion of the individual mind and sensibility against an intrusive society and an officious state. The great artist is thus a solitary figure.I see little of more importance to the future of our country and our civilization than full recognition of the place of the artist.]]

* Many years ago, [[Woodrow Wilson]] said, what good is a political party unless it is serving a great national purpose? And '''what good is a private college or university unless it is serving a great national purpose?'''

* Privilege is here, and '''with privilege goes responsibility.'''

* '''There is inherited wealth in this country and also inherited poverty. And unless the graduates of this college and other colleges like it who are given a running start in life--unless they are willing to put back into our society, those talents, the broad sympathy, the understanding, the compassion--unless they are willing to put those qualities back into the service of the Great Republic, then obviously the presuppositions upon which our democracy are based are bound to be fallible.''' 

* This day devoted to the memory of Robert Frost offers an opportunity for reflection which is prized by politicians as well as by others, and even by poets, for '''Robert Frost was one of the granite figures of our time in America. He was supremely two things: an artist and an American.''' A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers. In America, our heroes have customarily run to men of large accomplishments. But today this college and country honors '''a man whose contribution was not to our size but to our spirit, not to our political beliefs but to our insight, not to our self-esteem, but to our self- comprehension.''' In honoring Robert Frost, we therefore can pay honor to '''the deepest sources of our national strength. That strength takes many forms, and the most obvious forms are not always the most significant. The men who create power make an indispensable contribution to the Nation's greatness, but the men who question power make a contribution just as indispensable, especially when that questioning is disinterested, for they determine whether we use power or power uses us.''' 

* '''Our national strength matters, but the spirit which informs and controls our strength matters just as much. This was the special significance of Robert Frost. He brought an unsparing instinct for reality to bear on the platitudes and pieties of society. His sense of the human tragedy fortified him against self-deception and easy consolation. &quot;I have been&quot; he wrote, &quot;one acquainted with the night.&quot; And because he knew the midnight as well as the high noon, because he understood the ordeal as well as the triumph of the human spirit, he gave his age strength with which to overcome despair. At bottom, he held a deep faith in the spirit of man, and it is hardly an accident that Robert Frost coupled poetry and power, for he saw poetry as the means of saving power from itself.''' When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses. For art establishes the basic human truth which must serve as the touchstone of our judgment. 

* '''A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.'''

* '''The men who create power make an indispensable contribution to the Nation's greatness, but the men who question power make a contribution just as indispensable''', especially when that questioning is disinterested, for they determine whether we use power or power uses us.

* '''When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.''' For art establishes the basic human truth which must serve as the touchstone of our judgment.

* '''The artist, however faithful to his personal vision of reality, becomes the last champion of the individual mind and sensibility against an intrusive society and an officious state. The great artist is thus a solitary figure.''' He has, as [[Robert Frost|Frost]] said, a lover's quarrel with the world. In pursuing his perceptions of reality, he must often sail against the currents of his time. This is not a popular role. If Robert Frost was much honored in his lifetime, it was because a good many preferred to ignore his darker truths. Yet in retrospect, we see how the artist's fidelity has strengthened the fiber of our national life. If sometimes our great artist have been the most critical of our society, it is because their sensitivity and their concern for justice, which must motivate any true artist, makes him aware that our Nation falls short of its highest potential. '''I see little of more importance to the future of our country and our civilization than full recognition of the place of the artist.'''

* '''If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him. We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth.''' And as [[Archibald MacLeish|Mr. MacLeish]] once remarked of poets, there is nothing worse for our trade than to be in style. '''In free society art is not a weapon and it does not belong to the spheres of polemic and ideology. Artists are not engineers of the soul. It may be different elsewhere. But democratic society — in it, the highest duty of the writer, the composer, the artist is to remain true to himself and to let the chips fall where they may. In serving his vision of the truth, the artist best serves his nation. And the nation which disdains the mission of art invites the fate of [[Robert Frost]]'s hired man, the fate of having &quot;nothing to look backward to with pride, and nothing to look forward to with hope.&quot;'''

* '''I look forward to a great future for America, a future in which our country will match its military strength with our moral restraint, its wealth with our wisdom, its power with our purpose. I look forward to an America which will not be afraid of grace and beauty, which will protect the beauty of our natural environment, which will preserve the great old American houses and squares and parks of our national past, and which will build handsome and balanced cities for our future.'''

* '''I look forward to an America which will reward achievement in the arts as we reward achievement in business or statecraft. I look forward to an America which will steadily raise the standards of artistic accomplishment and which will steadily enlarge cultural opportunities for all of our citizens. And I look forward to an America which commands respect throughout the world not only for its strength but for its civilization as well. And I look forward to a world which will be safe not only for democracy and diversity but also for personal distinction.'''

* Robert Frost was often skeptical about projects for human improvement, yet I do not think he would disdain this hope. As he wrote during the uncertain days of the Second War: &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; Take human nature altogether since time began . . . &lt;br/&gt; And it must be a little more in favor of man, &lt;br/&gt; Say a fraction of one percent at the very least . . . &lt;br/&gt; Our hold on this planet wouldn't have so increased. &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt; '''Because of Mr. Frost's life and work''', because of the life and work of this college, '''our hold on this planet has increased.'''

==== President John F. Kennedy's last formal speech and public words ====
[[File:TheKennedyFamily1.jpg |thumb|I have spoken about [[w:New Frontier|the New Frontier]]. [...] It is an era which calls for action and for the best efforts of all those who would test the unknown and the uncertain in every phase of human endeavor. It is a time for pathfinders and pioneers.]]
[[File:USA123.jpg|thumb|I think the United States should be a leader. A country as rich and powerful as this which bears so many burdens and responsibilities, which has so many opportunities, should be second to none.]]
[[File:Kennedy, Johnson, and others watching flight of Astronaut Shepard on television, 05 May 1961.png |thumb|This Nation has tossed its cap over the wall of space, and we have no choice but to follow it. Whatever the difficulties, they will be overcome [...] we will climb this wall with safety and with speed-and we shall then explore the wonders on the other side.]]

:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.dennismansfield.com/business/2009/11/president-john-f-kennedys-last-formal-speech.html President John F. Kennedy last formal speech and public words at Aerospace Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas on November 21, 1963.]. [https://web.archive.org/web/20160731211130/https://dennismansfield.com/business/2009/11/president-john-f-kennedys-last-formal-speech.html Archived] from the original on July 31, 2016.&lt;/small&gt;

* For more than 3 years '''I have spoken about [[w:New Frontier|the New Frontier]].''' This is not a partisan term, and it is not the exclusive property of Republicans or Democrats. '''It refers''', instead, '''to this Nation's place in history, to the fact that we do stand on the edge of a great new era, filled with both crisis and opportunity, an era to be characterized by achievement and by challenge. It is an era which calls for action and for the best efforts of all those who would test the unknown and the uncertain in every phase of human endeavor. It is a time for pathfinders and pioneers.'''

* '''Many''' Americans '''make the mistake of assuming that space research has no values here on earth. Nothing could be further from the truth. Just as [[w:Radar in World War II|the wartime development of]] [[w:Radar|radar]] gave us the [[w:Transistor|transistor]], and all that it made possible, so research in space medicine holds the promise of substantial benefit for those of us who are earthbound. For our effort in space is not as some have suggested, a competitor for the natural resources that we need to develop the earth. It is a working partner and a coproducer of these resources. And nothing makes this clearer than the fact that medicine in space is going to make our lives healthier and happier here on earth.'''

* I give you three examples: first, '''medical space research may open up new understanding of man's relation to his [[environment]]. Examinations of the astronaut's physical, and mental, and emotional reactions can teach us more about the differences between normal and abnormal, about the causes and effects of disorientation, about changes in [[w:Metabolism|metabolism]] which could result in extending the life span. When you study the effects on our astronauts of exhaust gases which can contaminate their environment, and you seek ways to alter these gases so as to reduce their toxicity, you are working on problems similar to those in our great urban centers which themselves are being corrupted by gases and which must be clear.'''

* And second, '''medical space research may revolutionize the technology and the techniques of modern medicine. Whatever new devices are created, for example, '''to monitor our astronauts, to measure their heart activity, their breathing, their brain waves, their eye motion, at great distances and under difficult conditions, will also represent a major advance in general medical instrumentation.''' Heart patients may even be able to wear a light monitor which will sound a warning if their activity exceeds certain limits. An instrument recently developed to record automatically the impact of acceleration upon an astronaut's eyes will also be of help to small children who are suffering miserably from eye defects, but are unable to describe their impairment. And also by the use of instruments similar to those used in [[w:Project Mercury|Project Mercury]], this Nation's private as well as public nursing services are being improved, enabling one nurse now to give more critically ill patients greater attention than they ever could in the past.

* And third, '''medical space research may lead to new safeguards against hazards common to many environments'''. Specifically, our astronauts will need fundamentally new devices to protect them from the ill effects of radiation which can have a profound influence upon medicine and man's relations to our present environment.

* '''I think the United States should be a leader. A country as rich and powerful as this which bears so many burdens and responsibilities, which has so many opportunities, should be second to none.''' And in December, while I do not regard our mastery of space as anywhere near complete, while I recognize that there are still areas where we are behind — at least in one area, the size of the booster — this year I hope the United States will be ahead. And I am for it. '''We have a long way to go. Many weeks and months and years of long, tedious work lie ahead. There will be setbacks and frustrations and disappointments. There will be, as there always are, pressures in this country to do less in this area as in so many others, and temptations to do something else that is perhaps easier. But this research here must go on. This space effort must go on. The conquest of space must and will go ahead. That much we know. That much we can say with confidence and conviction.'''

* [[w:Frank_O'Connor|Frank O'Connor]], the [[Irish people|Irish]] writer, tells in one of his books how, as a boy, he and his friends would make their way across the countryside, and when they came to an orchard wall that seemed too high and too doubtful to try and too difficult to permit their voyage to continue, they took off their hats and tossed them over the wall — and then they had no choice but to follow them.

* '''This Nation has tossed its cap over the wall of space, and we have no choice but to follow it. Whatever the difficulties, they will be overcome. Whatever the hazards, they must be guarded against. With the vital''' help of this Aerospace Medical Center, with the '''help of all those who labor in the space endeavor, with the help and support of all Americans, we will climb this wall with safety and with speed-and we shall then explore the wonders on the other side.'''
** The original anecdote from whence Kennedy derived this comparison is in An Only Child, Frank O'Connor, London: MacMillan &amp; Co. Ltd., 1961; p. 180.

==== [[s:Remarks Prepared for Delivery at the Trade Mart in Dallas|Remarks Prepared for Delivery at the Trade Mart in Dallas]] ====
:&lt;small&gt;The following quotes were meant to be delivered on 22 November 1963, in Dallas, Texas. They were however never delivered; Kennedy was on his way to the [[w:Dallas Market Center|Trade Mart]] when [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|he was assassinated]].&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Kennedys arrive at Dallas 11-22-63.JPG |thumb|If we are strong, our strength will speak for itself. If we are weak, words will be of no help.]]
[[File:Two JFKs.jpg|thumb|Only an America which has fully educated its citizens is fully capable of tackling the complex problems and perceiving the hidden dangers of the world in which we live.]]
[[File:John F. Kennedy motorcade, Dallas crop.png |thumb|Only an America which practices what it preaches about equal rights and social justice will be respected by those whose choice affects our future.]]

* It is fitting that these two symbols of [[Dallas]] progress are united in the sponsorship of this meeting, for they represent the best qualities, I am told, of leadership and learning in this city — and '''leadership and learning are indispensable to each other. The advancement of learning depends on community leadership for financial and political support and the products of that learning, in turn, are essential to the leadership's hopes for continued progress and prosperity. It is not a coincidence that those communities possessing the best in research and graduate facilities''' — from [[Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]] to [[California Institute of Technology|Cal Tech]] — '''tend to attract the new and growing industries. [...] This link between leadership and learning is not only essential at the community level, it is even more indispensable in world affairs. Ignorance and misinformation can handicap the progress of a city or a company, but they can, if allowed to prevail in foreign policy, handicap this country's security. In a world of complex and continuing problems, in a world full of frustrations and irritations, America's leadership must be guided by the lights of learning and reason''', or else those who confuse rhetoric with reality and the plausible with the possible will gain the popular ascendancy with their seemingly swift and simple solutions to every world problem.

* We cannot expect that everyone, to use the phrase of a decade ago, will [[w:Adlai_Stevenson#1952_presidential_bid|''&quot;talk sense to the American people&quot;'']]. But we can hope that fewer people will listen to nonsense. And '''the notion''' that this Nation is headed for defeat through deficit, or '''that strength is but a matter of slogans, is nothing but just plain nonsense.'''

* I want to discuss with you today the status of our strength and our security because this question clearly calls for the most responsible qualities of leadership and the most enlightened products of scholarship. For this Nation's strength and security are not easily or cheaply obtained, nor are they quickly and simply explained. '''There are many kinds of strength and no one kind will suffice. Overwhelming nuclear strength cannot stop a guerrilla war. Formal pacts of alliance cannot stop internal subversion. Displays of material wealth cannot stop the disillusionment of diplomats subjected to discrimination. Above all, words alone are not enough.''' The United States is a peaceful nation. And '''where our strength and determination are clear, our words need merely to convey conviction, not belligerence. If we are strong, our strength will speak for itself. If we are weak, words will be of no help.'''

* In this administration also it has been necessary at times to issue specific warnings — warnings that [[w:History of Laos since 1945#The_failure_of_neutralism|we could not stand by]] and [[w:Laotian civil war#1961:_Superpowers.27_involvement_deepens|watch the Communists conquer Laos by force]], or [[w:Congo Crisis|intervene in the Congo]], or [[w:Berlin Crisis of 1961|swallow West Berlin]], or [[w:Cuban Missile Crisis|maintain offensive missiles on Cuba]]. But while our goals were at least temporarily obtained in these and other instances, '''our successful defense of freedom was due not to the words we used, but to the strength we stood ready to use on behalf of the principles we stand ready to defend. This strength is composed of many different elements, ranging from the most massive deterrents to the most subtle influences. And all types of strength are needed — no one kind could do the job alone.'''

* '''Our security and strength, in the last analysis, directly depend on the security and strength of others''', and that is why our military and economic assistance plays such a key role in enabling those who live on the periphery of the Communist world to maintain their independence of choice. Our assistance to these nations can be painful, risky and costly, as is true in [[w:Southeast Asia|Southeast Asia]] today. But we dare not weary of the task. For our assistance makes possible the stationing of 3-5 million allied troops along the Communist frontier at one-tenth the cost of maintaining a comparable number of American soldiers.

* Our foreign aid program is not growing in size, it is, on the contrary, smaller now than in previous years. It has had its weaknesses, but we have undertaken to correct them. And '''the proper way of treating weaknesses is to replace them with strength, not to increase those weaknesses by emasculating essential programs.''' Dollar for dollar, in or out of government, there is no better form of investment in our national security than our much-abused foreign aid program.

* Finally, it '''should be clear by now that a nation can be no stronger abroad than she is at home. Only an America which practices what it preaches about equal rights and [[social justice]] will be respected by those whose choice affects our future. Only an America which has fully educated its citizens is fully capable of tackling the complex problems and perceiving the hidden dangers of the world in which we live. And only an America which is growing and prospering economically can sustain the worldwide defenses of freedom, while demonstrating to all concerned the opportunities of our system and society.'''

* Our adversaries have not abandoned their ambitions, our dangers have not diminished, our vigilance cannot be relaxed. But now we have the military, the scientific, and the economic strength to do whatever must be done for the preservation and promotion of freedom. That strength will never be used in pursuit of aggressive ambitions — it will always be used in pursuit of peace. It will never be used to promote provocations — it will always be used to promote the peaceful settlement of disputes.

* '''We in this country, in this generation, are — by destiny rather than choice — the watchmen on the walls of world freedom. We ask, therefore, that we may be worthy of our power and responsibility, that we may exercise our strength with wisdom and restraint, and that we may achieve in our time and for all time the ancient vision of [[s:Bible_(King_James)/Luke#Chapter_2|''&quot;peace on earth, good will toward men&quot;'']]. That must always be our goal, and the righteousness of our cause must always underlie our strength.''' For as was written long ago: [[s:Bible_(King_James)/Psalms#Psalm_127|''&quot;except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.&quot;'']]

==== Remarks Intended for Delivery to the Texas Democratic State Committee in the Municipal Auditorium in Austin ====
[[File:Fort Worth rally, 22 November 1963.jpg |thumb|Our duty is not merely the preservation of political power but the preservation of peace and freedom.]]
[[File:Flag-lens-flare.jpg |thumb|Let us stand together with renewed confidence in our cause — united in our heritage of the past and our hopes for the future — and determined that this land we love shall lead all mankind into new frontiers of peace and abundance.]]
:&lt;small&gt;JFK's words at a speech he planned to give at [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/10425030/JFK-the-last-word.html Texas Welcome Dinner at Municipal Auditorium, Austin, Texas], night of 11/22/1963. The following quotes were meant to be delivered on 22 November 1963, in Austin, Texas. They were however never delivered; Kennedy was on his way to the [[w:Dallas Market Center|Trade Mart]] when [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|he was assassinated]]. Michael Beschloss, a presidential historian and PBS contributor, flagged the final lines of the speech that JFK would have given on the night of his assassination. Sources: [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9540&amp;st=&amp;st1= John F. Kennedy: &quot;Remarks Intended for Delivery to the Texas Democratic State Committee in the Municipal Auditorium in Austin,&quot; November 22, 1963. &lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;, [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/10425030/JFK-the-last-word.html ''JFK: the last word'' by The Guardian's Alex Hannaford on November 6, 2013], [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/07/jfk-assassination_n_4233535.html ''The Last Lines Of The Speech JFK Would Have Given The Night Of His Assassination'' by The Huffington Post's Paige Lavender on November 7, 2013], and [http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/11/07/read-the-last-lines-of-the-speech-jfk-was-supposed-to-give-on-the-night-of-his-assassination/ ''Read the Last Lines of the Speech JFK Was Supposed to Give on the Night of His Assassination'' by The Blaze's Jason Howert on November 7, 2013]&lt;/small&gt;

* '''Civilization''', it was once said, '''is a race between education and catastrophe''' — and we intend to win that race for education.

* For this country is moving and it must not stop. It cannot stop. For '''this is a time for courage and a time for [[challenge]]. Neither [[conformity]] nor [[complacency]] will do. Neither the fanatics nor the faint-hearted are needed.''' And '''our duty''' as a Party '''is''' not to our Party alone, but '''to the nation, and, indeed, to all mankind. Our duty is not merely the preservation of political power but the preservation of peace and freedom.'''

* So '''let us not be petty when our cause is so great. Let us not quarrel amongst ourselves when our Nation's future is at stake.'''

* '''Let us stand together with renewed confidence in our cause — united in our heritage of the past and our hopes for the future — and determined that this land we love shall lead all mankind into new frontiers of peace and abundance.'''

== Attributed ==
* Just as I went into [[Politics of the United States|politics]] because [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_P._Kennedy,_Jr. Joe] died, if anything happened to me tomorrow, my brother [[Robert F. Kennedy|Bobby]] would run for my seat in the Senate. And if Bobby died, [[Ted Kennedy|Teddy]] would take over for him.
** Quoted in ''The Remarkable Kennedys'', Joe McCarthy, New York: Dial Press, 1960, page 114.

* I'm always rather nervous about how you talk about women who are active in politics, whether they want to be talked about as women or as politicians.
** Quoted in Bill Adler, &quot;The Presidency,&quot; ''The Wit of President Kennedy'' (1964).
** [JFK was speaking]...To a group of women delegates to the [[United Nations]] who had suggested that there might one day be a woman President.

* Whether I serve one or two terms in the Presidency, I will find myself at the end of that period at what might be called the awkward age — too old to begin a new career and too young to write my memoirs.
** Quoted in [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx ''A Thousand Days: John F. Kennedy in the White House'', Arthur Schlesinger (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1965), page 1017.] According to a footnote in Schlesinger's manuscript (1st draft, page 1378), this was stated on February 13, 1961.

* All my life I've known better than to depend on the experts. How could I have been so stupid, to let them go ahead?
** Conversation with Theodore C. Sorensen concerning the [[w:Bay of Pigs Invasion|Bay of Pigs Invasion]]; as quoted in Sorensen's ''Kennedy'' (1965), p. 309.

* If anyone is crazy enough to want to kill a president of the United States, he can do it. All he must be prepared to do is give his life for the president's.
** Pierre Salinger, ''With Kennedy'' (1966), [http://books.google.de/books?id=vx45mXCc4JoC&amp;pg=PA1&amp;lpg=PA1&amp;dq=If+anyone+is+crazy+enough+to+want+to+kill+a+president+of+the+United+States,+he+can+do+it.+All+he+must+be+prepared+to+do+is+give+his+life+for+the+president%E2%80%99s.&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=Bom2TtsfyN&amp;sig=WyeTm82PlS5xBDf7-sIY6xehqbo&amp;hl=de&amp;sa=X&amp;ei=OewXUqv8JJSihgf07IHICA&amp;ved=0CDAQ6AEwADgU#v=onepage&amp;q=If%20anyone%20is%20crazy%20enough%20to%20want%20to%20kill%20a%20president%20of%20the%20United%20States%2C%20he%20can%20do%20it.%20All%20he%20must%20be%20prepared%20to%20do%20is%20give%20his%20life%20for%20the%20president%E2%80%99s.&amp;f=false Chapter 1: Lancer to Wayside, page 1]

* When discussing the possibility of a complete military takeover in the country after reading the book [[w:Seven Days in May|Seven Days in May]], President Kennedy said, &quot;...if there were a third Bay of Pigs, it could happen.&quot; He paused and then said &quot;But it won't happen on my watch.&quot;
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Related in The Pleasure of His Company, Paul Fay, Jr., New York: Harper &amp; Row, 1966, p. 190.]

* He &quot;said to one of the highest officials of his Administration that he wanted 'to '''splinter the [[Central Intelligence Agency|C.I.A.]] in a thousand pieces and scatter it to the winds'''.'&quot;
** Wicker, Tom et al.  [https://ratical.org/ratville/JFK/Unspeakable/Item03.pdf &quot;C.I.A.: Maker of Policy, or Tool?; Survey Finds Widely Feared Agency Is Tightly Controlled&quot;], ''[[New York Times]]'' (April 24, 1966)

* I have a nice home, the office is close by, and the pay is good.
** Quoted in ''Johnny We Hardly Knew Ye'', Kenneth O'Donnell, Dave Powers, and Joseph McCarthy, Boston: Little, Brown, and Company, 1970, page 262.

* I was assured by every son of a bitch I checked with — all the military experts and the CIA — that the plan would succeed.
** Comment to [[Richard Nixon]], about the failure of the [[w:Bay of Pigs Invasion|Bay of Pigs Invasion]], as quoted in ''The Memoirs of Richard Nixon'' (1978) by Richard Nixon

* '''Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.'''
** As quoted in ''Mayor'' (1984) by [[Ed Koch]]

* It really is true that foreign affairs is the only important issue for a president to handle, isn't? ... I mean, Who gives a shit if the minimum wage is $1.15 or $1.25 in comparison to something like this?
** Comment to [[Richard Nixon]], after the [[w:Bay of Pigs Invasion|Bay of Pigs Invasion]], as quoted in ''John F. Kennedy: The Presidential Portfolio : History as told through the collection of the John F. Kennedy Library and Museum'' (2000) by Charles Kenney

* '''[[Berlin Wall|A wall]] is a hell of a lot better than a war.'''
** Upon hearing about the construction of the Berlin Wall, as quoted in [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/non-fiction/article724547.ece &quot;Savage century&quot; in &quot;The Sunday Times'' (28 May 2006)]

* I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
** When asked what his favorite song was, as quoted in ''The Ultimate Book of Useless Information'' (2007) by Noel Botham

* '''I'm an [[Idealism|idealist]] without illusions.'''
** Comment about JFK by [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis]] as quoted in the Audiobook ''Jacqueline Kennedy: Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy'' (December 27, 2011) by Caroline Kennedy (Author, Narrator), Michael Beschloss (Author, Narrator), Jacqueline Kennedy (Narrator) &amp; [[Arthur M. Schlesinger Jr.]] (Narrator) and published by Hyperion AudioBooks.

* What would [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] have been without the [[American Civil War|Civil War]]? Just another railroad lawyer!
** JFK to [[Gore Vidal]], quoted in David Swanson's ''Daybreak: Undoing the Imperial Presidency and Forming a More Perfect Union'' (2011).

{{Misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==

* A revolution is coming — a revolution which will be peaceful if we are wise enough; compassionate if we care enough; successful if we are fortunate enough — But a revolution which is coming whether we will it or not. We can affect its character; we cannot alter its inevitability.
** [[Robert F. Kennedy]], in a speech in the US Senate (9 May 1966)
* One person can make a difference, and every person should try.
** Political scientist [[w:Thomas Cronin|Thomas E. Cronin]], &quot;Leadership and Democracy&quot;, in 'Liberal Education', 1987

* A child miseducated is a child lost.
** [[w:Umaru Tanko Al-Makura|Umaru Tanko Al-Makura]] on 29th July, 2013 at The Official Commissioning Of Ta'al Model School, Lafia By Nigeria's President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan where Umaru Tanko Al-Makura said: &quot;[http://www.spyghana.com/speech-delivered-by-his-excellency-umaru-tanko-al-makura/ And, because the human mind is our fundamental resource, we are determined to avail our children the opportunity to acquire the best education possible, since a child mis-educated is a child lost.]&quot;

* There's a plot in this country to enslave every man, woman, and child. Before I leave this high and noble office, I intend to expose this plot. - President John F. Kennedy 7 days before his assassination
** a fake quote debunked on several websites, including [https://www.metabunk.org/debunked-theres-a-plot-in-this-country-to-enslave-every-man-woman-and-child-jfk.t319/ metabunk.org]. This has been fact-checked by {{w|Snopes}} as well.&lt;ref&gt;{{Cite web |url=https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/jfk-plot-in-this-country-to-enslave/ |title=Did JFK Warn 'There's a Plot in This Country to Enslave Every Man, Woman, and Child'? |first=David |last=Emory |date=2018-12-10 |accessdate=2024-03-18 |website={{w|Snopes}}}}&lt;/ref&gt;
{{Misattributed end}}

[[File:Civil rights leaders meet with President John F. Kennedy3.tiff|thumb|There was a civil war in this country... Kennedy provoked such hostility and hatred. His death was cheered in the South because of his support for Martin Luther King.  He was moving to change things on all fronts... He... described the Soviets for the first time in American history as mortals, like us, who care about their children. ~ [[Oliver Stone]]]]
[[File:Hugo_Chavez,_Oliver_Stone_66ème_Festival_de_Venise_(Mostra)_12.jpg|thumb|The most shocking part [about the assassination of JFK]  is...the sequence of the shooting, the timing... the wounds and the autopsy... It doesn't make any sense the way they described it... They treated it like a routine investigation, but it was hardly so... the Warren Commission... in charge of the investigation...[[w:Alan Dulles|Alan Dulles]]... was fired by Kennedy... two years earlier... That's part of the cover-up. ~ [[Oliver Stone]]]]

== Quotes about Kennedy ==
[[File:John F. Kennedy, White House photo portrait, looking up.jpg |thumb|President Kennedy stood for the belief that idealism, high aspirations, and deep convictions are not incompatible with the most practical and efficient of programs — that there is no basic inconsistency between ideals and realistic possibilities, no separation between the deepest desires of heart and of mind and the rational application of human effort to human problems. ~ [[Robert F. Kennedy]]]]
[[File:Kennedy family in JFK funeral procession-crop.png|thumb|There was a sense of [[progress]] and [[adventure]], a rejection of [[complacency]] and [[conformity]]. There was a common mission, a shared ideal, and above all the joy of high [[purpose]] and great [[achievement]]. Jack believed that America's [[promises]], that [[Challenge|challenges]] are [[Opportunity|opportunities]] in disguise, that our [[spirit]] can soar again. ~ [[Ted Kennedy]] ]]

* I hate to say this because I know it's going to be misunderstood, but his reputation is greater because of the tragedy of his death than it would have been if he had lived out two terms. ... He was a most attractive person. He had real charm. He did not seem to be in any sense a great man. I do not think he knew a great deal about the matters which it's desirable that a chief of state or a President of the United States should know about. He was not decisive.
** [[Dean Acheson]], interview with Kenneth Harris for ''Life'' magazine (July 18, 1971), quoted in ''The Times'' (July 19, 1971), p. 4

* And it wasn't a Republican who wiretapped and snooped on [[Martin Luther King, Jr.|Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.]], but Democrats John F. Kennedy and his brother Robert, who signed the order as Attorney General.
** [[w:Bruce Bartlett|Bruce Bartlett]], as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=vb3Mx7GqAmwC&amp;printsec=frontcover&amp;dq=isbn:9780230600621&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0CB4Q6AEwAGoVChMIi92Er-SPxwIVhnQ-Ch3plQCk#v=onepage&amp;q&amp;f=false ''Wrong on Race: The Democratic Party's Buried Past''] (2008), by B. Bartlett, p. xi.

* I met him in the 1950s when I was at [[Harvard University|Harvard]], and I thought the world of him. I was greatly inspired by him when he became president, I found his inaugural address moving, I liked that special sense of vigor and enthusiasm that he injected into an America that seemed to be a little bit uncertain of itself, especially after the launch of the [[w:Sputnik|Sputnik]]. And I was profoundly shocked when he was shot. I remember that moment vividly, but I have to add that the more I learned about him later on, the more I became inclined to temper my enthusiasm for him. I began to see that he was much more manipulative, much more opportunistic, much more self-serving, much less guided by any profound sort of code of conduct or standard than I had believed. So it was, in a way, a disillusioning reassessment.
** [[Zbigniew Brzezinski]], [http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2013/11/the-world-according-to-zbigniew-brzezinski-100354_Page2.html#.U2sjP61_sSc &quot;The World According to Zbig&quot;] by Charles Gati in ''Politico'', November 27, 2013.

* This story, prepared in close cooperation with the late President Kennedy, was scheduled for publication in Superman No. 168, when word of his tragic [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|assassination]] reached us. We immediately took it off the press and substituted other material. How-ever, white house officials have since informed us that [[Lyndon B. Johnson|President Johnson]] wanted it published, as a tribute to his great predecessor, and so we dedicate to the memory of our late, beloved president this plea for his physical fitness program, to which he was wholeheartedly devoted during his life...&quot;[[Superman]]'s mission for president Kennedy!&quot;
** [[w:E. Nelson Bridwell|E. Nelson Bridwell]], &quot;Superman's mission for president Kennedy!&quot;, ''Superman'' #170 July 1964, as quoted in [http://www.slate.com/blogs/weigel/2013/11/22/jfk_assassination_superman_comic_dedicated_to_kennedy.html &quot;Revisiting Superman's Mission for JFK&quot;], Emma Roller, ''Slate'', Nov 22 2013.

* Back during the 1960 election and the Kennedy Administration, that was when I began to develop into a news junkie. I was very interested in Kennedy and I would listen to his speeches
** 1990 interview in ''Conversations with [[Octavia Butler]]'' (2010)

*Besides the feeling of personal sorrow and loss, which for me could scarcely be greater if it were a member of the family, there are the feelings of shock, dismay, and revulsion at the black aspects of our national life so strongly underlined - the bigotry, intolerance and hatred preached by so many. The only ray of light I can see is that perhaps, because of his martyrdom, the noble ideals and aspirations that John Kennedy stood for will be understood as never before. 
**[[Rachel Carson]], 1963 letter collected in ''Always, Rachel: The Letters of Rachel Carson and Dorothy Freeman'' (1994) 

* Public employee [[Trade unions|unions]] were greatly helped, it is true, by the executive order of the late President John F. Kennedy and by similar policies adopted by certain state and local governments.
** [[Cesar Chavez]] 1969 testimony anthologized in ''An Organizer’s Tale'' (2008)

* Kennedy was at the hawkish end of the administration.
** [[Noam Chomsky]] in ''Rethinking Camelot'' (1993).

* I'm sure [[Obama]] is an atheist, I'm sure Kennedy was an atheist, but I doubt if [[Pope Francis|Pope Frank]] is.
** [[Richard Dawkins]] [http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=d2b_1382908273 Interview with Bill Maher (2013)]

* Kennedy survived as an orator to the point of delivering his own funeral oration, since [[:w:Ted Sorensen|Theodore Sorensen]] continued to write speeches for his successor in the same style that had contributed so much toward the dead man’s public persona.
** [[Guy Debord]], [[:s:The Society of the Spectacle/Chapter 3|''The Society of the Spectacle'']] (1967)

* [The] premise is that Kennedy was a very good president, and might have been a great one if he’d lived. Few serious historians take this view … In reality, the kindest interpretation of Kennedy’s presidency is that he was a mediocrity whose death left his final grade as “incomplete.” The harsher view would deem him a near disaster — ineffective in domestic policy, evasive on civil rights and a serial blunderer in foreign policy, who barely avoided a nuclear war that his own brinksmanship had pushed us toward ... We confuse charisma with competence, rhetoric with results, celebrity with genuine achievement.
** [[w:Ross Douthat|Ross Douthat]] [http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/27/opinion/sunday/Douthat-The-Enduring-Cult-of-Kennedy.html?_r=0 ''The Enduring Cult of Kennedy''], ''New York Times'', November 26, 2011.

* (JFK) was Catholic and a child of Irish immigrants, and this had never happened before, president that was not [[Anglo-Saxons|Anglo-Saxon]] or [[w:Scots-Irish|Scots-Irish]] and descended from the original settlers. So he had quite a hill to climb to make himself palatable.
** [[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2021/10/11/indigenous_peoples_day Interview] with Democracy Now (2021)

* A key to John F. Kennedy's political success was that he revived the &quot;frontier&quot; as a trope of [[Populism|populist]] [[American imperialism|imperialism]] openly based on the drama and popular myth of &quot;settling&quot; the continent, of &quot;taming&quot; a different sort of &quot;wilderness.&quot; In Kennedy's acceptance speech at the 1960 Democratic National Convention in [[Los Angeles]], [[historian]] [[Richard Slotkin]] writes, the presidential nominee &quot;asked his audience to see him as a new kind of frontiersman confronting a different sort of wilderness: 'I stand tonight facing west on what was once the last frontier. From the lands that stretch 3000 miles behind me, the pioneers of old gave up their safety, their comfort and sometimes their lives to build a new world here in the West.... We stand today on the edge of a new frontier ... a frontier of unknown opportunities and paths, a frontier of unfulfilled hopes and threats.&quot;
** [[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]], ''An Indigenous Peoples' History of the United States'' (2014)

* John Kennedy, who was assassinated in November 1963, left an ambiguous Cold War legacy. In his June 1963 American University commencement address he expressed optimism over achieving peaceful coexistence with the Soviet Union. But within two weeks he set out to [[Europe]] to reassure his [[NATO]] allies of America’s commitment to their defense (while also appealing for a greater contribution on their part), and in West Berlin he denounced the brutal system on the other side of the wall and chided those who believed “we can work with the communists.” Moreover, the otherwise prudent Kennedy markedly increased [[w:US military aid|US military aid]] and advisers to the embattled government of [[South Vietnam]] and shortly before his death also authorized [[w:1963 South Vietnamese coup d'etat|the generals’ successful coup]] against [[Ngô Đình Diệm|Diệm]], thus expanding America’s responsibility for another, even more distant, and indefensible ally.
** Carole C. Fink, ''The Cold War: An International History'', p. 115 

* The day Kennedy arrived at Love Field airport, the front page of the [[w:Dallas Morning News|Dallas Morning News]] was bordered in black. The [[Far-right politics|right-wing radicals]] and John Birchers who dominated the city despised Kennedy. &lt;br&gt; The president's brother, Attorney General [[Bobby Kennedy]], had been using the Justice Department to advance the cause of civil rights. And President Kennedy wanted to reduce or even eliminate subsidies for the [[Fossil fuel|oil industry]], which infuriated the Dallas oilmen. &lt;br&gt; &quot;You know, it was a kind of Camelot of the [[Right-wing politics|right]],&quot; Wright says. &quot;[[George Wallace]] came to Dallas to announce his decision to run for president, for instance. We had [[Barry Goldwater]], who was a senator in [[Arizona]], but he was always in Dallas.&quot; &lt;br&gt; After the assassination, a grieving nation turned its anger upon Dallas. The feeling was that if the city leaders didn't actually pull Lee Harvey Oswald's trigger, they practically loaded the gun. For the first time in its swaggering existence, Dallas was [[ashamed]] of itself.
** Wade Goodwyn, [https://www.npr.org/2013/11/21/246580954/marking-kennedy-assassination-dallas-still-on-egg-shells?ft=nprml&amp;f=243938281 “Marking Kennedy Assassination, Dallas Still On 'Eggshells'”], All Things Considered, ''NPR'', (November 21, 2013)

* John Fitzgerald Kennedy, 35th President of the United States, has been taken from us by an act which outrages decent men everywhere. He upheld the faith of our fathers, which is freedom for all men. He broadened the frontiers of that faith, and backed it with the energy and the courage which are the mark of the Nation he led. A man of [[wisdom]], [[strength]], and [[peace]], he moulded and moved the power of our Nation in the service of a world of growing liberty and order. All who love freedom will mourn his death. As he did not shrink from his responsibilities, but welcomed them, so he would not have us shrink from carrying on his work beyond [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|this hour of national tragedy]]. [...] I earnestly recommend the people [...] to pay their homage of love and reverence to the memory of '''a great and good man'''.
** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], [[s:Proclamation 3561|Lyndon B. Johnson declaration upon John F. Kennedy's assassination]] (1963)

* '''The greatest leader of our time has been struck down by the foulest deed of our time. Today John Fitzgerald Kennedy lives on in the immortal words and works that he left behind. He lives on in the mind and memories of mankind. He lives on in the hearts of his countrymen.''' No words are sad enough to express our sense of loss. No words are strong enough to express our determination to continue the forward thrust of America that he began. The dream of conquering the vastness of space — the dream of partnership across the Atlantic — and across the Pacific as well-the dream of a Peace Corps in less developed nations — the dream of education for all of our children — the dream of jobs for all who seek them and need them — the dream of care for our elderly — the dream of an all-out attack on mental illness — and above all, the dream of equal rights for all Americans, whatever their race or color — these and other American dreams have been vitalized by his drive and by his dedication. And now the ideas and the ideals which he so nobly represented must and will be translated into effective action.
** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=25988&amp;st=&amp;st1= ''Address Before a Joint Session of the Congress'' (27 November 1963)&lt;!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --&gt;

* Courage is the virtue that President Kennedy most admired. He sought out those people who had demonstrated in some way, whether it was on a battlefield or a baseball diamond, in a speech or fighting for a cause, that they had courage that they would stand up, that they could be counted on.
** [[Robert F. Kennedy]], [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx ''1964 Memorial Edition of ''Profiles in Courage,'' Foreword by Robert F. Kennedy, p. 9]

* But if there was one thing that 'President Kennedy stood for that touched the most profound feeling of young people around the world, it was the belief that idealism, high aspirations, and deep convictions are not incompatible with the most practical and efficient of programs — that there is no basic inconsistency between ideals and realistic possibilities, no separation between the deepest desires of heart and of mind and the rational application of human effort to human problems.
** [[Robert F. Kennedy]], [[Robert_F._Kennedy#Day_of_Affirmation_Address_.281966.29|Day of Affirmation Address]] (1966).

* '''My brother was the first [[President of the United States]] to state publicly that [[racial segregation|segregation]] was morally wrong.''' His heart and his soul are in this bill. '''If his life and death had a meaning, it was that we should not hate but love one another; we should use our powers not to create conditions of oppression that lead to violence, but conditions of freedom that lead to peace.'''
** [[Ted Kennedy]], [http://www.tedkennedy.org/ownwords/event/civil_rights.html First Senate floor speech], in support of the [[w:Civil Rights Act of 1964|Civil Rights Act of 1964]] (9 April 1964)

* '''As President, Jack was a glory on the mountaintop. The New Frontier of which he dreamed touched deep and responsive chords in the American character. He could make [[lightning]] strike on the things he cared about. He was an irresistible force that made immovable objects move. He taught us to redeem the promise of [[Health care in the United States|health care]] for America's senior generation, to whom the nation owes so much of its present [[greatness]]. He taught us to control the [[atom]], to end the threat of [[Nuclear war|nuclear annihilation]], so that we could leave our [[children]] a safer world. He taught us to make freedom ring in America --[[freedom]] for [[Black people|black]] and brown as well as [[White people|white]]; freedom to live and work and vote; freedom to sit at a public lunch counter, to learn in a public classroom, to play [[American football|football]] on a public field. He added a new dimension in [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]] by tapping the [[idealism]] of our [[youth]]. He led us beyond [[Earth|our planet]] and [[Apollo 11|launched us toward]] the [[moon]]. And in our own [[w:Western Hemisphere|hemisphere]], he summoned us to a new alliance of effort for the benefit of those less fortunate than ourselves. That is the way it was with Jack. There was a sense of [[progress]] and [[adventure]], a rejection of [[complacency]] and [[conformity]]. There was a common mission, a shared ideal, and above all the joy of high [[purpose]] and great [[achievement]]. Jack believed that America's [[promises]], that [[Challenge|challenges]] are [[Opportunity|opportunities]] in disguise, that our [[spirit]] can soar again.'''
** [[Ted Kennedy]], [https://www.jfklibrary.org/about-us/about-the-jfk-library/history/1979-dedication-remarks-by-senator-kennedy Remarks] at the Dedication Ceremony of the [[w:John F. Kennedy Presidential Library|John F. Kennedy Presidential Library]] (20 October 1979)

* Kennedy's posthumous reputation has undergone an extraordinary series of metamorphoses. As could have been predicted, the first revaluation of his character and achievement was almost as depressing as the conspiracy theories; his ''histoire amoureuse'' was being touted around before the first blade of grass had grown on his grave, and soon every whore in America was announcing that he had enjoyed her favours.
** [[Bernard Levin]], &quot;The Last Hurrah&quot;, ''The Times'' (November 21, 1988).

* And none so poor to do it reverence. What happened? Surely something did, for that portrait of Kennedy can hardly be recognised from the version we have today. He is now widely thought of, when he is thought of at all, as either an earlier model of [[Jimmy Carter|President Carter]], all goodwill and muddle, or a belligerent adventurer likely to follow the Bay of Pigs fiasco with an unprovoked nuclear strike on [[Moscow]]. Was it all show and froth, good looks and rhetoric? I do not believe it. In the first place, Kennedy was not a [[Liberalism|liberal]] in the Carter mode (let alone the [[w:Michael Dukakis|Dukakis]] version); it would almost be closer to the reality to say that he was a liberal in the sense of the [[w:Manchester school|Manchester school]].
** [[Bernard Levin]], &quot;The Last Hurrah&quot;, ''The Times'' (November 21, 1988).

* Kennedy would have ordered nuclear retaliation on [[Cuba]] — and perhaps the [[Soviet Union]] — if [[nuclear weapons]] had been fired at [[United States Armed Forces|United States forces]].
** [[Robert McNamara]], U.S. secretary of defense under President John F. Kennedy, according to ''The New York Times''; ''On the Brink of Nuclear War'', ''Awake!'' magazine, May 22, 1992.

* The extent to which the world was being weighed down by millions of the old still in power, getting older without losing their power, was not nearly as present in [[consciousness]] in the 1960s as it is in the [[1970s]]. The temporary hope of young leadership, who ruled in new countries some fifteen years ago, brightened by the youthful looking President John Kennedy, dwindled as the whole world mourned for him as a symbol of youth destroyed.
** [[Margaret Mead]] ''Culture and Commitment: A Study of the Generation Gap'' (1970)

* Less than a year after Lee Harvey Oswald fired from the sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository, the Warren Commission formed by President [[Lyndon Johnson]] completed its investigation into that day. &lt;br&gt; The commission found what it politely called &quot;certain shortcomings and lapses from the high standards which the Commission believes should prevail in the field of Presidential protection.&quot; &lt;br&gt; Many dealt with the Secret Service's advance work. No one thought to check the buildings along the motorcade route. There were no formal procedures for working with local law enforcement agencies. &lt;br&gt; Marc Ambinder, who is editor at large of [[w:The Week|The Week]] and has written about the agency, says the Secret Service of 50 years ago was ill-prepared to deal with the gregarious Kennedy. &lt;br&gt; &quot;It's a combination of the fact that the Secret Service playbook was outdated and they had never really encountered a president before John F. Kennedy who loved to mix it up, and loved to get in the middle of huge crowds, and fed off the energy of huge crowds,&quot; Ambinder says. &lt;br&gt; After the assassination, the Secret Service made some immediate changes. Open limousines were out. And it began taking a more aggressive approach to its advance work. &lt;br&gt; &quot;Not [[criticizing]] what happened in 1963, but I think it's fair to say that protections changed quite a bit, and how we do things on a day-to-day basis,&quot; says Special Agent Brian Leary, who serves as a spokesman for the agency.
** Brian Naylor, [https://www.npr.org/2013/11/07/243769588/how-kennedys-assassination-changed-the-secret-service  “How Kennedy's Assassination Changed The Secret Service”], All Things Considered, ''NPR'', (November 7, 2013) 

* [[Nikita Khrushchev|Nikita Krushchev]]'s eagerness to challenge U.S. interests around the world contributed to the spread of the Cold War in the [[Middle East]], East Asia, Latin America, and even Africa. Krushchev's aggressiveness was motivated not only by a desire to take advantage of an opportunity to expand Soviet influence but also by the perceived Soviet need to fend off a growing challenge by China for leadership of the communist movement. Krushchev's willingness to engage the United States in a nuclear arms race was motivated primarily by his realization that the Soviet Union, despite the continuing development of its nuclear arsenal, was still vulnerable to an American nuclear strike. He undoubtedly believed that the best defense is a good offense and that a forward policy would conceal Soviet nuclear weakness while serving to pressure the West to resolve issues, such as Berlin, to the satisfaction of the Soviet Union. Krushchev's aggressiveness also made Soviet-American reconciliation impossible during the 1950s.
** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 133-134

* Krushchev's public rhetoric also made Soviet-American reconciliation difficult, if not impossible, early in Kennedy's presidency. On January 6, 1961, the Soviet leader declared his country would support &quot;wars of national liberation&quot; in the underdeveloped world. Krushchev's declaration, wrote the president's confidante and historian [[Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr.|Arthur Schlesinger, Jr.]], &quot;alarmed Kennedy more than Moscow's amiable signals assuaged him.&quot; Although Kennedy was willing to negotiate an end to the Cold War, the Third World challenge which Krushchev threw at him would have to be dealt with first.
** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 135

* In the opinion of another historian, Bruce Miroff, Kennedy's reaction to Krushchev's blustering revealed an acute inferiority complex, which the president manifested by a perverse need to prove his leadership capabilities. As a result, rather than ignoring or minimizing Krushchev's threats, as Eisenhower usually did, Kennedy personalized them and converted them into tests of will, in the process manufacturing crises that need not have been. &quot;There was really nothing in that [Eisenhower] era comparable to the Berlin crisis of 1961 and the Cuban missile crisis of 1962,&quot; Miroff observes, both of which represented the closest approaches to a superpower nuclear war during the Cold War. For whatever reasons, whether they were primarily ideological, political, or psychological- and all were important- in formulating his initial response to the Soviet Union Kennedy chose to emphasize Krushchev's bellicose actions rather than his friendly gestures. Only after Kennedy had proved to the Soviet leader that he was not soft on communism would [[diplomacy]] make any headway during his presidency.
** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 136

* Kennedy was praised nationwide, even by his Republican critics, for his masterly handling of the Cuban missile crisis, a response Schlesinger characterized as a &quot;combination of toughness and restraint.&quot; Yet few discussed what could have happened had he failed. Historian Louise FitzSimons points out what many preferred not to think about: &quot;In the flush of success and relief from danger, Kennedy was determined to force Krushchev's total capitulation- no matter the cost.&quot; During the height of the crisis, the president himself placed the likelihood of disaster at &quot;somewhere between one out of three and even,&quot; and lamented that the world's children might not live out their lives. Ironically, the enhanced short-term prestige that Kennedy experienced in the wake of the Cuban missile crisis only produced greater long-term insecurity for his country. The humiliation Krushchev suffered at the hands of Kennedy during the missile crisis contributed to his removal from power in October 1964. The new [[Government of Russia|Soviet leadership]], headed by [[Leonid Brezhnev]], was determined to avoid a repetition of the humiliation Krushchev had experienced. Beginning in early 1965, the Kremlin embarked on a massive expansion of the Soviet nuclear arsenal that would enable the Soviet Union to achieve nuclear parity with the United States by the end of the decade. in addition, Kennedy's triumph in the Cuban missile crisis contributed to the development of what historian William J. Medland has called an &quot;arrogance of power,&quot; a belief that the United States had the communists on the run. This new attitude helped to explain the growing U.S. involvement in Vietnam.
** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 144

* The Cuban missile crisis also had beneficial consequences. The close brush with nuclear war helped create a climate for productive arms control negotiations, which had not existed since the abortive Paris summit of May 1960. Attempting to reduce tensions with the West, Krushchev, on December 19, 1962, sent Kennedy a personal letter inviting him to intensify the effort to conclude a nuclear test ban treaty. With the humiliation of the Bay of Pigs fiasco erased by his astute performance during the Cuban missile crisis, and sobered by the close superpower approach to nuclear war, Kennedy accepted Krushchev's invitation. Six months later, Kennedy delivered the most conciliatory speech on the Soviet Union of his career. In a commencement address at American University on June 10, 1963, he called on Americans to reexamine their attitudes toward the Soviet Union. &quot;In the final analysis,&quot; he told his audience, &quot;we all inhabit this small planet... And we are all mortal.&quot; Kennedy called on the American people to support his effort to conclude a nuclear test ban agreement. It would be an initial step toward preserving the life of the planet. As a sign of good faith in the ultimate success of the test ban talks, Kennedy announced that the United States would not conduct atmospheric nuclear tests as long as the Soviet Union employed similar restraint.
** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 144-145

* Despite the limited nature of Kennedy's philosophical transformation after the Cuban missile crisis, his American University speech nevertheless had an extremely favorable impact on the Soviet leadership. Krushchev told [[W. Averell Harriman|Averell Harriman]] that it was the best speech delivered by a U.S. president since [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Franklin Roosevelt]]. In response, on June 20 the Soviet signed a &quot;hot line&quot; agreement, which established a direct teletype link between Moscow and Washington. The agreement was designed to reduce the risks of an accidental nuclear was as well as ease tensions during international crises.
** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 145

* Shouldn't someone tag Mr. Kennedy's &quot;bold new imaginative&quot; program with its proper age? Under the tousled boyish haircut it is still old Karl Marx — first launched a century ago. There is nothing new in the idea of a government being [[Big Brother]] to us all. [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] called his &quot;[[Nazism|State Socialism]]&quot; and way before him it was &quot;benevolent [[monarchy]].&quot;
** [[Ronald Reagan]] in a 1960 letter to the GOP presidential candidate [[Richard Nixon]], quoted in Matthew Dallek's ''The Right Moment: Ronald Reagan's First Victory and the Decisive Turning Point in American Politics'' (2000), p. 38

*Yet another universally held conviction [among Europeans is that] Americans make it a point of honor to elect only mental defectives as Presidents. From the [[Missouri]] tie salesman [[Harry Truman]] to the [[Texas]] cretin [[George W. Bush]], not to mention the peanut farmer [[Jimmy Carter]] and the B-movie actor [[Ronald Reagan]], the White House offers us a gallery of nincompoops. Only John F. Kennedy, in the eyes of the French, rose a little above this undistinguished bunch, probably because he had the merit of having married [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis|someone of French extraction]]; naturally, this union could not fail to raise President Kennedy's intelligence to at least average level — but doubtless still too high for his fellow citizens, who never forgave him and ended up assassinating him.
** [[Jean-François Revel]], &quot;[http://eeyore.uh.cz/wp-content/themes/bk/stuff/anti-american%20obsession.pdf Europe's Anti-American Obsession]&quot; (2003)

* Jack ought to show a little less profile and a little more courage.
** Former First Lady [[Eleanor Roosevelt]], quoted in [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_C._Humes James C. Humes's] ''My Fellow Americans: Presidential Addresses that Shaped History'' (1992).

* '''What are the similarities and differences between Presidents Johnson and Kennedy? Both are political pros who exude confidence and, generally speaking, embrace the same broad philosophies. But Kennedy was an idealist; Johnson is a pragmatist. Kennedy was a voracious reader, a stickler for detail; Johnson has little patience to read, he hits at the heart of a problem rather than get enmeshed in detail. Kennedy had little luck with Congress; Johnson's 32 years' experience on Capitol Hill caught him how to handle lawmakers. Kennedy's foreign-policy style had a continental touch; Johnson's has the flavor of a Texas barbeque.'''
** [[w:Bill Scott (voice actor)|Bill Scott]], ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20200429132839/https://www.upi.com/Archives/Audio/Events-of-1963/Transition-to-Johnson 1963 Year In Review: Transition to Johnson]'' by the United Press International. Archived from the [https://www.upi.com/Archives/Audio/Events-of-1963/Transition-to-Johnson original] on April 29, 2020.

* There was a civil war in this country... Kennedy provoked such hostility and hatred. His death was cheered in the [[Southern United States|South]] because of his support for [[Martin Luther King]]. He was moving to change things on all fronts. He was starting to end the [[Cold War]]. He made a deal with Khruschev and [[Russia]] in 1962 to end the missile crisis, and he furthered the deal when he signed the [[w:Nuclear Test Ban Treaty|Nuclear Test Ban Treaty]] in 1963. He installed the Hot Line. He... described the Soviets for the first time in [[History of the United States|American history]] as mortals, like us, who care about their children. He seemed to have an expanding vision of the world, much like [[Mikhail Gorbachev|Gorbachev]] did in [[Russia]] in the '[[1980s|80s]]. People in power are afraid to ask the obvious questions. From Day 1, they accepted the cover story that Oswald did it [assassinated JFK] alone. Oswald said he was the patsy. A lot of people believed him, but not the [[establishment]]. Since that day, the media has chanted the mantra that Oswald did it alone. But the American public, which has been brainwashed with that for 28 years, has never accepted it. They smell a rat.
** [[Oliver Stone]] in [https://www.rogerebert.com/interviews/oliver-stone-defends-jfk-against-conspiracy-of-dunces ''Oliver Stone Defends 'JFK' against conspirancy Dunces by Roger Ebert Interviews''] (22 December 1991) 

* The most shocking part [about the assassination of JFK]  is...the sequence of the shooting, the timing,... the wounds and the autopsy. It's all quite shocking when you...think seriously about it. It doesn't make any sense the way they described it. That's the most shocking part of the case. When you start to investigate Oswald, of course there are a thousand interesting things that come up. The files on Oswald were much more closely supervised by the CIA then we knew at the time and were omitted by the [[w:Warren Commission|Warren Commission]]. They treated it like a routine investigation, but it was hardly so.&lt;BR&gt;We draw a line between the cover-up and the assassination. The cover-up is filled with another cast of characters. That is to say, the Warren Commission itself, who is in charge of the investigation; and the main man, Alan Dulles, the ex-chief of the CIA and one of the most powerful figures in government. He was fired by Kennedy, as were all his top officials, two years earlier. He was put in charge of the investigation and buried certain information. That's part of the cover-up.
** [[Oliver Stone]] quoted in [https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-news/oliver-stone-looks-back-at-jfk-171783/  Oliver Stone Looks Back at ‘JFK’, ''Rolling Stone'' ](4 November 2013)

* As one of our interviewers... says in the film, once you kill a sitting president in high noon in Dealey Plaza and blow his head off, you're not going to go back to normal and say, &quot;Oh, wow! We found this whacky--this crazy lone nut who killed him.&quot; It doesn't work. It doesn't really work as a narrative for this country.   What happened was much deeper than that, and there was so many inconsistencies, so many holes in the Warren Commission... The point is that you cannot remove legitimacy from government like that and get away with it, and the people knew something was wrong. They didn't know exactly what was wrong, but they sensed that something had gone astray, like [[anarchy]] has set in. Some method of control was being exerted because forces that were more powerful than one person were able to kill him, forces that were somewhat, I mean, clearly related to [[CIA|intelligence agencies]], to possible military agencies, and these forces came to dominate American life...  
** [[Oliver Stone]],  [https://www.washingtonpost.com/washington-post-live/2021/05/12/transcript-conversation-with-oliver-stone/ Transcript: A Conversation with Oliver Stone,]   (streamed live [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5pgnQ2M9tg on youtube])  ''The Washington Post'' (12 May  2021)

*'''After Kennedy was killed, and nobody asked, you know, what was Kennedy's real policy on Vietnam? Well... he was going to pull out of Vietnam. He was very clear about it,''' and that's what people get confused. Johnson, Lyndon Johnson, who took over the office went right to war quickly... this is... where we went to a war on a false basis. It was a lie, another lie, and that war was a disaster... Unfortunately, the same forces that made that war happen continued in our life, and they controlled us and pushed us into another war and another war and another war...
** [[Oliver Stone]],  [https://www.washingtonpost.com/washington-post-live/2021/05/12/transcript-conversation-with-oliver-stone/ Transcript: A Conversation with Oliver Stone,]   (streamed live [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5pgnQ2M9tg on youtube])  ''The Washington Post'' (12 May  2021)

* I was charmed and delighted by Kennedy personally, and certainly he was intelligent. But any man who gave us an invasion of Cuba, a missile crisis, and the war in Vietnam in 1,000 days — give him another 1,000 days, and we would be irradiated atoms in space. No, he was a mistake as president.
** [[Gore Vidal]], quoted in ''I Told You So: Gore Vidal Talks Politics: Interviews with Jon Wiener'' (2013).

* He was in my view the most dangerous cold warrior that we have had since the end of World War II.
** Historian [[w:Richard Walton|Richard Walton]], &quot;Kennedy Remembered&quot;, ''Newsweek'', November 28, 1983.

* John Kennedy, in his youth and good looks, brought a new generation to replace the dour faces of the Eisenhower administration, and added social glamour and greater public-relations skills to the presidency's power. He was the first president for whom television- particularly his witty and informative news conferences, broadcast live- became a calculated political instrument. In his term, too, the president's responsibility for managing the national economy was acknowledged and accepted. Kennedy's brief tenure, coinciding with the apogee of American power in the world, made him a sort of young emperor; and his murder was doubly shocking because Americans, by 1963, considered their president somehow preeminent over mere mortals, as superior as the nation itself, thus lacking ordinary human vulnerability.
** Tom Wicker, ''One Of Us: Richard Nixon and the American Dream'' (1991), p. 677

*On 13 March 1962, a US military memo was circulated outlining Operation Northwoods: plans to initiate a wave of false flag [[Terrorism in the United States|terrorist attacks]] in order to justify military intervention in Cuba. Declassified documents describe the proposed plan: &quot;We could develop a Cuban Communist terror campaign in the [[Miami]] area, in other [[Florida]] cities and even in Washington… The terror campaign could be pointed at Cubans refugees seeking haven in the United States. We could sink a boatload of Cubans en route to Florida (real or simulated.) We could foster attempts on lives of Cuban refugees in the United States... Exploding a few plastic bombs in carefully chosen spots.&quot; President John F Kennedy declined to implement the plan and removed its author, [[w:Lyman_Lemnitzer|General Lemnitzer]], as Chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, causing a rift with some military officials who perceived him as being soft on Cuba. This was despite the fact that Kennedy had authorised a failed invasion of Cuba at the Bay of Pigs as well as Operation Mongoose – another covert plan to destabilise the Cuban government which included numerous terrorist attacks on Cuban soil.
**[https://stories.workingclasshistory.com/article/8500/operation-northwoods ''Working Class History'']

* President Kennedy did not send troops to [[Alabama]] when dogs were biting [[Black people|black]] babies. He waited three weeks until [[Birmingham riot of 1963|the situation exploded]]. He then sent troops after the [[African Americans|Negroes]] had demonstrated their ability to defend themselves. In his talk with Alabama editors Kennedy did not urge that Negroes be treated right because it is the right thing to do. Instead, he said that if the Negroes aren't well treated the [[Islam in the United States|Muslims]] would become a threat. He urged a change not because it is right but because the world is watching this country. Kennedy is wrong because his motivation is wrong.
** [[Malcolm X]], as quoted in M. S. Handler, [https://www.nytimes.com/1963/05/17/archives/malcolm-x-scores-kennedy-on-racial-policy-says-he-is-wrong-because.html &quot;Malcolm X Scores Kennedy on Racial Policy: Says He Is 'Wrong Because His Motivation Is Wrong': Head of Black Muslim Group Cites Birmingham Crisis&quot;], ''The New York Times'', 17 May 1963; accessed [https://www.proquest.com/docview/116651467  ProQuest]. Also quoted in {{cite book |last1=Cone |first1=James H. |author1-link=James H. Cone |title=Martin &amp; Malcolm &amp; America: A Dream Or a Nightmare |date=1991 |publisher=Orbis Books |isbn=978-0-88344-824-3 |page=177 |url=https://www.google.com/books/edition/Martin_Malcolm_America/RVMNAQAAQBAJ?hl=en-419&amp;gbpv=1&amp;dq=did+not+send+troops+to+Alabama+when+dogs+were+biting+black+babies.+He+waited+three+weeks+until+the+situation+exploded.+He+then+sent+troops+after+the+N&amp;pg=PT177&amp;printsec=frontcover }}

* By the way, right at that time Birmingham had exploded, and the Negroes in Birmingham—remember, they also exploded. They began to stab the crackers in the back and bust them up 'side their head—yes, they did. That's when Kennedy sent in the troops, down in Birmingham. So, and right after that, Kennedy got on the television and said &quot;this is a moral issue.&quot;
** [[Malcolm X]], ''{{w|Message to the Grassroots}}'', King Solomon Baptist Church, Detroit, November 10, 1963. [https://web.archive.org/web/20100507104558/http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/index.asp?document=1145 Link online]

== See also ==
* [[List of presidents of the United States]]
* [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|Assassination of John F. Kennedy]] 
* [[JFK (film)]] by [[Oliver Stone]]
* [[Jim Garrison]]
* ''[[The Rat Pack (film)|The Rat Pack]]'' (1998), biopic about the Rat Pack and their contribution to Kennedy's election as President in 1960.

==References==
{{Reflist}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.whitehouse.gov/history/presidents/jk35.html The White House Biography]
* [http://www.jfklibrary.org/ John F. Kennedy Library]
* {{nndb name|113/000024041}}
* [http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/jfkhoustonministers.html Address to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association, at the Rice Hotel in Houston, Texas ([[12 September]] [[1960]])]
* [http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/jfkinaugural.htm Video, Audio, Text of John F. Kennedy's Inaugural Address]
* [http://honors.umd.edu/HONR269J/archive/JFK630610.html World Peace Speech at The American University ([[10 June]] [[1963]])]
* [https://www.yourselfquotes.com/john-f-kennedy-quotes/ John F. Kennedy Quotes]
* [http://www.nps.gov/jofi/ John F. Kennedy Birthplace National Historic Site]
* [http://search.yale.edu:8765/query.html?col=ycsg&amp;col=opa&amp;col=yaleuniv&amp;col=dynamic&amp;qt=John+F.+Kennedy&amp;charset=iso-8859-1&amp;qp=%2Burl%3Awww.yale.edu%2Flawweb%2Favalon JFK at the Avalon Project]
* [http://www.whitehousetapes.org/pages/tapes_jfk.htm JFK's Secret White House Recordings @ University of Virginia's Miller Center of Public Affairs]
* [http://web.archive.org/web/20011111050047/http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ho/frus/kennedyjf/ Kennedy Administration Official Documentary Historical Record of Major Foreign Policy Decisions]
* [http://www.heraldrysociety.us/presidents/index.php?page=Kennedy Armigerous American Presidents Series]
* [http://www.popeducation.org/ The JFK Years And Popular Culture]
* [http://vvl.lib.msu.edu/showfindingaid.cfm?findaidid=KennedyJF Audio clips of Kennedy's speeches and other commentary]
* [http://masteroftheuniverse.be/home/index.php/index.php/content/view/20/ JFK Reloaded — Recreate the assassination of JFK]
* [http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6815620069281926168&amp;q=innerviews InnerVIEWS with Ernie Manouse: Nelley Connally (TV Interview with an eye witness of the Kennedy assassination)]
* [http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/JFKindex.htm Assassination of President Kennedy Encyclopaedia]
* [http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/home.htm McAdams website about JFK]
* [http://www.csicop.org/si/2005-01/strange-world.html Facts and Fiction in the Kennedy Assassination]
* [http://www.rootdig.com/john_f_kennedy.html John F. Kennedy in United States Census Records]
* [http://www.doctorzebra.com/prez/g35.htm Medical and Health history of John F. Kennedy]
* {{gutenberg author|id=John+F.+Kennedy|name=John F. Kennedy}}
* [http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/stjohn.htm St. John the Liberal?]
* [http://bioguide.congress.gov/scripts/biodisplay.pl?index=K000107 Biographical Directory of the U.S. Congress]
* [http://www.soundboard.com/sb/John_F_Kennedy_JFK.aspx John F. Kennedy Audio Soundboard]
* [http://www.kcur.org/UTDarchive.html Gretchen Rubin radio interview: [[November 4]], [[2005]] on ''Up To Date'']
* [http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/american_originals_iv/sections/jfk_inaugural_address.html John F. Kennedy's inaugural address: from the National Archives]
* [http://www.americanpresidents.org/presidents/president.asp?PresidentNumber=34 Presidents of the United States]
* [http://www.archive.org/search.php?query=creator%3A%22John%20F.%20Kennedy%22 Archive.org collection of audio recordings]
* [https://www.sound-buttons.com/ Sound Buttons]

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[[Image:Unico Anello.png|244px|thumb|right|We cannot use the Ruling Ring. That we now know too well. It belongs to Sauron and was made by him alone, and is altogether evil.]]
:''For quotes from the movie adaptations, see ''[[The Lord of the Rings (movies)|The Lord of the Rings]]'' movie trilogy.''
----
'''''[[w:The Fellowship of the Ring (book)|The Fellowship of the Ring]]''''' (1954); first of three volumes in ''[[The Lord of the Rings]]'' books by [[J. R. R. Tolkien]]. It contains ''Book I: The Ring Sets Out'' and ''Book II: The Ring Goes South''.

==Book I==

===A Long-expected Party===

* When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.
**First sentence

* I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
**[[w:Bilbo Baggins|Bilbo's]] farewell speech

* ''The Road goes ever on and on &lt;br&gt; Down from the door where it began. &lt;br&gt; Now far ahead the Road has gone, &lt;br&gt; And I must follow, if I can, &lt;br&gt; Pursuing it with eager feet, &lt;br&gt; Until it joins some larger way &lt;br&gt; Where many paths and errands meet. &lt;br&gt; And whither then? I cannot say.''

* 'It was a compliment,' said Merry Brandybuck, 'and so, of course, not true.'

===The Shadow of the Past===
[[File:The one ring animated.gif|thumb|right|One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,&lt;br&gt; One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.]]
* ''Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, &lt;br&gt;Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,&lt;br&gt;Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,&lt;br&gt;One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne &lt;br&gt;In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. &lt;br&gt; '''One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,&lt;br&gt; One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them''' &lt;br&gt; In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.''
**In the story this is a translation of a verse in the [[w:Black Speech|Black Speech]].

* 'You say the ring is dangerous, far more dangerous than I guess. In what way?'&lt;br /&gt;'In many ways,' answered the wizard. 'It is far more powerful than I ever dared to think at first, so powerful that in the end it would utterly overcome anyone of mortal race who possessed it. It would possess him.'
** [[w:Frodo Baggins|Frodo]] and [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf]]

* 'Sooner or later, if he is strong or well-meaning to begin with, but neither strength nor good purpose will last. Sooner or later the Dark Power will devour him.'
** Gandalf

* He thought the ring was very beautiful, and very useful at need; and if anything was wrong or queer, it was himself. He said that it was &quot;growing on his mind&quot;, and he was always worrying about it; but he did not suspect that the ring itself was to blame.
** Gandalf

* 'I wish it need not have happened in my time,' said Frodo.&lt;br&gt; 'So do I,' said Gandalf, 'and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. '''All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.''''

* 'What a pity that Bilbo did not stab that vile creature, when he had a chance!' &lt;br /&gt; 'Pity? It was Pity that stayed his hand. Pity, and Mercy: not to strike without need. And he has been well rewarded, Frodo. Be sure that he took so little hurt from the evil, and escaped in the end, because he began his ownership of the Ring so. With Pity.'
** Frodo and Gandalf

* '''Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.''' I have not much hope that Gollum can be cured before he dies, but there is a chance of it. And he is bound up with the fate of the Ring. '''My heart tells me that he has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before the end'''; and when that comes, the pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many – yours not least.
** Gandalf

* 'You are wise and powerful. Will you not take the Ring?’&lt;br/&gt;'No!' cried Gandalf, springing to his feet. 'With that power I should have power too great and terrible. And over me the Ring would gain a power still greater and more deadly.' His eyes flashed and his face was lit as by a fire within. ''''Do not tempt me!''' For I do not wish to become like the Dark Lord himself. Yet the way of the Ring to my heart is by pity, pity for weakness and the desire of strength to do good. Do not tempt me! I dare not take it, not even to keep it safe, unused. The wish to wield it would be too great for my strength. I shall have such need of it. Great perils lie before me.'

=== Three is Company===

* He used often to say there was only one Road; that it was like a great river: its springs were at every doorstep, and every path was its tributary. &quot;It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,&quot; he used to say. &quot;You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.&quot;
** [[w:Frodo Baggins|Frodo]], of [[w:Bilbo Baggins|Bilbo]]

* I don't know, and I would rather not guess.
** Frodo

* ''Still round the corner there may wait &lt;br&gt; A new road or a secret gate, &lt;br&gt; And though we pass them by today, &lt;br&gt; Tomorrow we may come this way &lt;br&gt; And take the hidden paths that run &lt;br&gt; Towards the Moon or to the Sun.''

* But it is not your own Shire. Others dwelt here before hobbits were; and others will dwell here again when hobbits are no more. The wide world is all about you: you can fence yourselves in, but you cannot for ever fence it out.
** [[w:Gildor Inglorion|Gildor]]

* Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.
** Gildor

* Go not to the Elves for counsel, for they will say both no and yes.
** Frodo

*...Seldom give unguarded advice, for advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses may run ill.
** Gildor

* 'But where shall I find courage?' asked Frodo. &lt;br/&gt; 'Courage is found in unlikely places,' said Gildor. 'Be of good hope! Sleep now!'
** Frodo and Gildor

=== A Short Cut to Mushrooms ===

* 'They seem a bit above my likes and dislikes, so to speak,' answered Sam slowly. 'It don't seem to matter what I think about them. They are quite different from what I expected – so old and young, and so gay and sad, as it were.'
** [[w:Samwise Gamgee|Sam]] speaking of the Elves.

* 'Short cuts make delays, but inns make longer ones.'
** [[w:Frodo|Frodo]]

* ''Ho! Ho! Ho! to the bottle I go&lt;br&gt; To heal my heart and drown my woe.&lt;br&gt; Rain may fall and wind may blow,&lt;br&gt; And many miles be still to go,&lt;br&gt; But under a tall tree I will lie,&lt;br&gt; And let the clouds go sailing by.''
** Sam and Pippin

===A Conspiracy Unmasked===
* 'Sam is an excellent fellow, and would jump down a dragon's throat to save you, if he did not trip over his own feet.'
** Said by Pippin

===In the House of Tom Bombadil===

* 'Tell me, who are you, alone, yourself and nameless?'
** [[w:Tom Bombadil|Tom Bombadil]] to Frodo.

* 'Eldest, that's what I am. Mark my words, my friends: Tom was here before the river and the trees; Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn. He made paths before the Big People, and saw the little People arriving. He was here before the Kings and the graves and the Barrow-wights. When the Elves passed westward, Tom was here already, before the seas were bent. He knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless – before the Dark Lord came from Outside.'
** Tom Bombadil

* There were fortresses on the heights. Kings of little kingdoms fought together, and the young Sun shone like fire on the red metal of their new and greedy swords. There was victory and defeat; and towers fell, fortresses were burned, and flames went up into the sky. Gold was piled on the biers of dead kings and queens; and mounds covered them, and the stone doors were shut; and the grass grew over all.

* There's earth under his old feet, and clay on his fingers; wisdom in his bones, and both his eyes are open.
** Tom Bombadil, speaking of Farmer Maggot

* Ho! Tom Bombadil, Tom Bombadilo! &lt;br&gt; By water, wood and hill, by reed and willow, &lt;br&gt; By fire, sun and moon, harken now and hear us! &lt;br&gt; Come, Tom Bombadil, for our need is near us!

*Then Tom put the Ring round the end of his little finger and held it up to the candlelight. For a moment the hobbits noticed nothing strange about this. Then they gasped. There was no sign of Tom disappearing!
**Fellowship

=== Fog on the Barrow-Downs===

* That night they heard no noises. But either in his dreams or out of them, he could not tell which, Frodo heard a sweet singing running in his mind: a song that seemed to come like a pale light behind a grey rain-curtain, and growing stronger to turn the veil all to glass and silver, until at last it was rolled back, and a far green country opened before him under a swift sunrise.

* ''Cold be hand and heart and bone, &lt;br&gt; and cold be sleep under stone: &lt;br&gt; never more to wake on stony bed, &lt;br&gt; never, till the Sun fails and the Moon is dead. &lt;br&gt; In the black wind the stars shall die, &lt;br&gt; and still on gold here let them lie, &lt;br&gt; till the dark lord lifts up his hand &lt;br&gt; over dead sea and withered land.''

* There is a seed of courage hidden (often deeply, it is true) in the heart of the fattest and most timid hobbit, waiting for some final and desperate danger to make it grow.

* &lt;i&gt; Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow, &lt;br&gt; Bright blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow. &lt;br&gt; None has ever caught him yet, for Tom, he is the master: &lt;br&gt; His songs are stronger songs, and his feet are faster.&lt;/i&gt;

=== Strider===
* &lt;i&gt;'''All that is gold does not glitter, &lt;br&gt; Not all those who wander are lost'''; &lt;br&gt; The old that is strong does not wither, &lt;br&gt; Deep roots are not reached by the frost. &lt;br&gt; '''From the ashes a fire shall be woken, &lt;br&gt; A light from the shadows shall spring; &lt;br&gt; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, &lt;br&gt; The crownless again shall be king.'''&lt;/i&gt;

* 'But I ''am'' the real Strider, fortunately,' he said, looking down at them with his face softened by a sudden smile. 'I am Aragorn son of Arathorn; and if by life or death I can save you, I will.'
**Strider reveals his true nature to Frodo, Sam and Pippin

=== A Knife in the Dark===
* At that moment, among the trees nearby, a horn rang out. It rent the night like fire on a hill-top.&lt;br&gt;&lt;p style=&quot;text-align:center&quot;&gt;'''AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE!'''&lt;br&gt;'''FEAR! FIRE! FOES!'''&lt;br&gt;'''AWAKE! AWAKE!'''&lt;/p&gt;
**The Horn-call of Buckland blown by the Brandybucks in an attempt to drive the Black Riders away from Fatty Bolger's house

* &lt;i&gt;Gil-galad was an Elven-king. &lt;br&gt; Of him the harpers sadly sing: &lt;br&gt; the last whose realm was fair and free &lt;br&gt; between the Mountains and the Sea. &lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; His sword was long, his lance was keen, &lt;br&gt; his shining helm afar was seen; &lt;br&gt; the countless stars of heaven's field &lt;br&gt; were mirrored in his silver shield. &lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; But long ago he rode away, &lt;br&gt; and where he dwelleth none can say; &lt;br&gt; for into darkness fell his star &lt;br&gt; in Mordor where the shadows are.&lt;/i&gt;

==Book II==

=== Many Meetings===
* He is not half through yet, and to what he will come in the end not even Elrond can foretell. Not to evil, I think. He may become like a glass filled with a clear light for eyes to see that can.
** [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf]] to himself, of [[w:Frodo Baggins|Frodo]]

* But all such places will soon become islands under siege, if things go on as they are going. The Dark Lord is putting forth all his strength.
** Gandalf to Frodo

* I am sorry: sorry you have come in for this burden; sorry about everything. Don't adventures ever have an end? I suppose not. Someone else always has to carry on the story.
** [[w:Bilbo Baggins|Bilbo]] to Frodo

* Time doesn't seem to pass here: it just is.
** Bilbo to Frodo, of Rivendell

=== The Council of Elrond===
[[File:Flag of Mordor.svg|thumb|right|If any of the Wise should with this Ring overthrow the Lord of Mordor, using his own arts, he would then set himself on Sauron's throne, and yet another Dark Lord would appear...]]
[[File:Fomalhaut_B_entire-Hubble_Telescope.jpg|thumb|right|The only measure that he knows is desire, desire for power; and so he judges all hearts. Into his heart the thought will not enter that any will refuse it, that having the Ring we may seek to destroy it. If we seek this, we shall put him out of reckoning.]]

*{{anchor|blood of the Númenoreans}}...in the wearing of the swift years of Middle-earth the line of [[b:Guide to The Lord of the Rings/Characters/Miscellaneous#M|Meneldil]] son of [[b:Guide to The Lord of the Rings/Characters/Miscellaneous#A|Anárion]] failed, and [[c:File:Blason Gondor.svg|the Tree]] withered, and the blood of the [[w:Númenor|Númenoreans]] became mingled with that of lesser men. Then the watch upon the walls of [[w:Mordor|Mordor]] slept, and dark things crept back to [[w:Gorgoroth (Middle-earth)|Gorgoroth]]. And on a time evil things came forth, and they took Minas Ithil and abode in it, and they made it into a place of dread; and it is called [[w:List of fictional castles#Tolkien-universe|Minas Morgul]], the Tower of Sorcery.
** [[w:Elrond|Elrond]]

* ''Seek for the Sword that was broken:&lt;br&gt;In Imladris it dwells;&lt;br&gt;There shall be counsels taken&lt;br&gt;Stronger than Morgul-spells.&lt;br&gt;There shall be shown a token&lt;br&gt;That Doom is near at hand,&lt;br&gt;For Isildur's Bane shall waken,&lt;br&gt;And the Halfling forth shall stand.''

* Many evil things there are that your strong walls and bright swords do not stay. You know little of the lands beyond your bounds. Peace and freedom, do you say? The North would have known them little but for us.
** [[w:Aragorn|Aragorn]]

* And yet less thanks have we than you. Travellers scowl at us, and countrymen give us scornful names. 'Strider' I am to one fat man who lives within a day's march of foes that would freeze his heart, or lay his little town in ruin, if he were not guarded ceaselessly. Yet we would not have it otherwise. If simple folk are free from care and fear, simple they will be, and we must be secret to keep them so.
** Aragorn

* '''He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.'''
** [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf]] to [[w:Saruman|Saruman]]

* It is perilous to study too deeply the arts of the Enemy, for good or for ill. But such falls and betrayals, alas, have happened before.
** [[w:Elrond|Elrond]], of Saruman

* I think that in the end, if all else is conquered, Bombadil will fall, Last as he was First; and then Night will come.
** [[w:Glorfindel|Glorfindel]]

* It is not our part here to take thought only for a season, or for a few lives of Men, or for a passing age of the world. We should seek a final end of this menace, even if we do not hope to make one.
** [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf]]

* '''We must take a hard road, a road unforeseen. There lies our hope, if hope it be. To walk into peril – to Mordor. We must send the Ring to the Fire.'''
** [[w:Elrond|Elrond]]

* We cannot use the Ruling Ring. That we now know too well. It belongs to Sauron and was made by him alone, and is altogether evil. Its strength, Boromir, is too great for anyone to wield at will, save only those who have already a great power of their own. But for them it holds an even deadlier peril. The very desire of it corrupts the heart.
** [[w:Elrond|Elrond]]

* '''If any of the Wise should with this Ring overthrow the Lord of Mordor, using his own arts, he would then set himself on Sauron's throne, and yet another Dark Lord would appear.''' And that is another reason why the Ring should be destroyed: as long as it is in the world it will be a danger even to the Wise. For nothing is evil in the beginning. Even Sauron was not so. I fear to take the Ring to hide it. I will not take the Ring to wield it.
** [[w:Elrond|Elrond]]

* Despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt. We do not.
** Gandalf

* Let folly be our cloak, a veil before the eyes of the Enemy! For he is very wise, and weighs all things to a nicety in the scales of his malice. But '''the only measure that he knows is desire, desire for power; and so he judges all hearts. Into his heart the thought will not enter that any will refuse it, that having the Ring we may seek to destroy it. If we seek this, we shall put him out of reckoning.'''
** Gandalf

* This quest may be attempted by the weak with as much hope as the strong. '''Yet such is oft the course of deeds that move the wheels of the world: small hands do them because they must, while the eyes of the great are elsewhere.'''
** [[w:Elrond|Elrond]]

* I had thought of putting: ''and he lived happily ever afterwards to the end of his days.'' It is a good ending, and none the worse for having been used before. Now I shall have to alter that: it does not look like coming true.
** [[w:Bilbo Baggins|Bilbo]]

* ''''I will take the Ring,' he said, 'though I do not know the way.''''
** [[w:Frodo Baggins|Frodo]]

* This is the hour of the Shire-folk, when they arise from their quiet fields to shake the towers and counsels of the Great. Who of all the Wise could have foreseen it? Or, if they are wise, why should they expect to know it, until the hour has struck?
** [[w:Elrond|Elrond]]

=== The Ring Goes South===

* ''''Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens''',' said Gimli. &lt;br&gt; 'Maybe,' said Elrond, 'but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.' &lt;br&gt; 'Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart,' said Gimli. &lt;br&gt; 'Or break it,' said Elrond.

=== A Journey in the Dark===

* At last Frodo spoke. 'I do not wish to go,' he said; 'but neither do I wish to refuse the advice of Gandalf. I beg that there should be no vote, until we have slept on it. Gandalf will get votes easier in the light of the morning than in this cold gloom. '''How the wind howls!''''&lt;br&gt;At these words all fell into silent thought. They heard the wind hissing among the rocks and trees, and there was a howling and wailing round them in the empty spaces of the night.&lt;p&gt;Suddenly Aragorn leapt to his feet. ''''How the wind howls!'''' he cried. ''''It is howling with wolf-voices. The Wargs have come west of the Mountains!''''

=== The Bridge of Khazad-dûm===
[[File:Durin's Bane.jpg|thumbnail|You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of [[w:Minor_places_in_Arda#U|Udûn]]. Go back to the Shadow! You cannot pass.]]

* Well, well! That's over! I have done all that I could. But I have met my match, and have nearly been destroyed. But don't stand here! Go on!
** [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf]] following his brief, first confrontation with the [[w:Balrog|Balrog]] of [[w:Moria, Middle-earth|Moria]] (having been blown down a flight of stairs)

* 'You cannot pass,' he said. The orcs stood still, and a dead silence fell. ''''I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of [[w:Minor_places_in_Arda#U|Udûn]]. Go back to the Shadow! You cannot pass.''''
** Gandalf confronting the [[w:Balrog|Balrog]] of [[w:Moria, Middle-earth|Moria]]

* With a terrible cry the Balrog fell forward, and its shadow plunged down and vanished. But even as it fell it swung its whip, and the thongs lashed and curled about the wizard's knees, dragging him to the brink. He staggered and fell, grasped vainly at the stone, and slid into the abyss. ''''Fly, you fools!'''' he cried, and was gone.
** Gandalf falling into the chasm above which the Bridge of Khazad-dûm had stood

=== Lothlórien===

* In nothing is the power of the Dark Lord more clearly shown than in the estrangement that divides all those who still oppose him.
** [[w:Haldir|Haldir]]

* '''The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.''' 
** Haldir to the Fellowship

* I thought that Elves were all for moon and stars: but this is more elvish than anything I ever heard tell of. I feel as if I was ''inside'' a song, if you take my meaning.
** [[w:Samwise Gamgee|Sam]], to [[w:Frodo Baggins|Frodo]]

* As Frodo prepared to follow him, he laid his hand upon the tree beside the ladder: never before had he been so suddenly and so keenly aware of the feel and texture of a tree's skin and of the life within it. He felt a delight in wood and the touch of it, neither as forester nor as carpenter; it was the delight of the living tree itself.

===The Mirror of Galadriel===
[[File:Lothlorien by Tessa Boronski.jpg|thumbnail|I pass the [[test]] … I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel.]]
* 'Speak no evil of the Lady Galadriel!' said Aragorn sternly. 'You know not what you say. There is in her and in this land no evil, unless a man bring it hither himself.'

* It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.
** Attributed by [[w:Samwise Gamgee|Sam]] to his &quot;old gaffer&quot;

* I will not give you counsel, saying do this, or do that. For not in doing or contriving, nor in choosing between this course and another, can I avail; but only in knowing what was and is, and in part also what shall be.
** [[w:Galadriel|Galadriel]]

* You may learn something, and whether what you see be fair or evil, that may be profitable, and yet it may not. Seeing is both good and perilous.
** Galadriel to [[w:Frodo Baggins|Frodo]]

* 'And what do you wish?' he said at last.&lt;br /&gt;'That what should be shall be,' she answered.
** Frodo and Galadriel

* I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired to ask what you offer. For many long years I had pondered what I might do, should the Great Ring come into my hands, and behold! it was brought within my grasp. The evil that was devised long ago works on in many ways, whether Sauron himself stands or falls. Would not that have been a noble deed to set to the credit of his Ring, if I had taken it by force or fear from my guest?&lt;br /&gt;'And now at last it comes. '''You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!'''&lt;nowiki&gt;'&lt;/nowiki&gt;&lt;br /&gt;She lifted up her hand and from the ring that she wore there issued a great light that illumined her alone and left all else dark. She stood before Frodo seeming now tall beyond measurement, and beautiful beyond enduring, terrible and worshipful. Then she let her hand fall, and the light faded, and suddenly she laughed again, and lo! she was shrunken: a slender elf-woman, clad in simple white, whose gentle voice was soft and sad.&lt;br /&gt;''' 'I pass the test,' she said. 'I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel.' '''

* Did not Gandalf tell you that the rings give power according to the measure of each possessor? Before you could use that power you would need to become far stronger, and to train your will to the domination of others.
** Galadriel

=== Farewell to Lórien===

* Do not despise the lore that has come down from distant years; for oft it may chance that old wives keep in memory word of things that once were needful for the wise to know.
** [[w:Celeborn|Celeborn]]

* It is said that the skill of the Dwarves is in their hands rather than in their tongues, yet that is not true of Gimli. For none have ever made to me a request so bold and yet so courteous...I do not foretell, for all foretelling is now vain: on the one hand lies darkness, and on the other only hope. But if hope should not fail, then I say to you, Gimli son of Glóin, that your hands shall flow with gold, and yet over you gold shall have no dominion.
** [[w:Galadriel|Galadriel]]

* 'Tell me, Legolas, why did I come on this Quest? Little did I know where the chief peril lay! Truly Elrond spoke, saying that we could not foresee what we might meet upon our road. Torment in the dark was the danger that I feared, and it did not hold me back. But I would not have come, had I known the danger of light and joy.'
** [[w:Gimli (Middle-earth)|Gimli]]

* 'Memory is not what the heart desires. That is only a mirror, be it clear as Kheled-zâram. Or so says the heart of Gimli the Dwarf. Elves may see things otherwise. Indeed I have heard that for them memory is more like to the waking world than to a dream. Not so for Dwarves.'
** Gimli

=== The Great River===

* 'Time does not tarry ever,' he said; 'but change and growth is not in all things and places alike. For the Elves the world moves, and it moves both very swift and very slow. Swift, because they themselves change little, and all else fleets by: it is a grief to them. Slow, because they do not count the running years, not for themselves. Yet beneath the Sun all things must wear to an end at last.'
**[[w:Legolas|Legolas]]

=== The Breaking of the Fellowship ===

* 'Whoa, Sam Gamgee!' he said aloud. 'Your legs are too short, so use your head!'

* It is no good trying to escape you. But I'm glad, Sam. I cannot tell you how glad. Come along! It is plain that we were meant to go together. We will go, and may the others find a safe road!
** [[w:Frodo|Frodo]]

== Quotes about ''The Fellowship of the Ring'' ==

* Tolkien continues the imaginative history of the imaginary world to which he introduced us in his earlier book but in a manner suited to adults, to those, that is, between the ages of 12 and 70.
* The hero, Frodo Baggins, belongs to a race of beings called hobbits, who may be only three feet high; have hairy feet and prefer to live in underground houses, but in their thinking and sensibility resemble very closely those arcadian rustics who inhabit so many British detective stories.
* The first thing that one asks is that the adventure should be various and exciting; in this respect Mr. Tolkien’s invention is unflagging, and, on the primitive level of wanting to know what happens next, ''The Fellowship of the Ring'' is at least as good as ''The Thirty-Nine Steps''. 
* Mr. Tolkien is fortunate in possessing an amazing gift for naming and a wonderfully exact eye for description; by the time one has finished his book one knows the histories of Hobbits, Elves, Dwarves and the landscape they inhabit as well as one knows one’s own childhood.
** [[W. H. Auden]], Review in ''The New York Times'' (31 Oct. 1954)

==See also==
*'''''[[The Lord of the Rings]]'''''
** '''''[[The Two Towers]]'''''
** '''''[[The Return of the King]]'''''
* '''''[[The Lord of the Rings (1978 film)|J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings]]'' (1978)
* '''''[[The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (film)|The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring]]''''' (2001)
*'''''[[The Silmarillion]]'''''
*'''''[[The Hobbit]]'''''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.tolkien.co.uk/frame.asp HarperCollins: UK &amp; Worldwide Publishers]
* [http://www.houghtonmifflinbooks.com/features/lordoftheringstrilogy Houghton Mifflin: US Publisher]
* [http://www.lordoftherings.net Official Site of the Movie Trilogy]
* [http://www.apple.com/trailers/newline/fellowship_of_the_ring/index.html Movie Trailer for &quot;Fellowship of the Ring&quot;]

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      <text bytes="91210" sha1="djkep6clv3fc4ytxn4y8wob2wtyy3hu" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Tesla3.jpg|thumb|right|The [[scientist|scientific man]] does not aim at an immediate result. He does not expect that his advanced ideas will be readily taken up...His duty is to lay the foundation for those who are to come, and point the way.]]
'''[[wikipedia:Nikola Tesla|Nikola Tesla]]''' ([[10 July]] [[1856]] – [[7 January]] [[1943]]) was a [[w:Serbia|Serbian]] [[w:physicist|physicist]], [[w:inventor|inventor]], and [[w:electrical engineer|electrical engineer]]. Born in the Lika region of the [[w:Military Frontier |Military Frontier]] (present-day [[w:Croatia|Croatia]]), he was a subject of the [[w:Austrian Empire|Austrian Empire]] who later became an [[w:United States|American]] citizen.
:'''''See also: 
::'''''[[My Inventions: The Autobiography of Nikola Tesla|My Inventions]]''''' (1919; 1983)

== Quotes ==

[[File:Magnetosphere rendition.jpg|thumb|right|A point of great importance would be first to know: what is the capacity of the [[earth]]? And what charge does it contain if [[electrified]]?]]
[[File:Nikola Tesla, with his equipment Wellcome M0014782 - restoration2.jpg|thumb|right|Throughout space there is [[energy]]. ... it is a mere question of time when men will succeed in attaching their machinery to the very wheelwork of nature.]]

* A point of great importance would be first to know: what is the capacity of the earth? And what charge does it contain if electrified? Though we have no positive evidence of a charged body existing in space without other oppositely electrified bodies being near, there is a fair probability that the earth is such a body, for by whatever process it was separated from other bodies — and this is the accepted view of its origin — it must have retained a charge, as occurs in all processes of mechanical separation.
** &quot;Experiments With Alternating Currents of Very High Frequency, and Their Application to Methods of Artificial Illumination&quot; (20 May 1891)

* Alternate currents, especially of high frequencies, pass with astonishing freedom through even slightly rarefied gases. The upper strata of the air are rarefied. To reach a number of miles out into space requires the overcoming of difficulties of a merely mechanical nature.
** [http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1892-02-03.htm &quot;Experiments With Alternate Currents Of High Potential And High Frequency&quot;] an address to the Institution of Electrical Engineers, London (February 1892)

* Russians are lucky - they have [[socialism]] and [[Stalin]].
** [https://www.google.it/books/edition/%D0%94%D0%BD%D0%B5%D0%B2%D0%BD%D0%B8%D0%BA%D0%B8_%D0%AF_%D0%BC%D0%BE%D0%B3%D1%83_%D0%BE%D0%B1%D1%8A%D1%8F%D1%81/lVUvDwAAQBAJ?hl=it&amp;gbpv=1&amp;dq=%D0%A0%D1%83%D1%81%D1%81%D0%BA%D0%B8%D0%BC+%D0%BF%D0%BE%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%B7%D0%BB%D0%BE+%E2%80%93+%D1%83+%D0%BD%D0%B8%D1%85+%D0%B5%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C+%D1%81%D0%BE%D1%86%D0%B8%D0%B0%D0%BB%D0%B8%D0%B7%D0%BC+%D0%B8+%D0%A1%D1%82%D0%B0%D0%BB%D0%B8%D0%BD&amp;pg=PT62&amp;printsec=frontcover Дневники. Я могу объяснить многое]

* '''Ere many generations pass, our [[machinery]] will be driven by a [[power]] obtainable at any point of the universe.''' This idea is not novel. Men have been led to it long ago by instinct or reason; it has been expressed in many ways, and in many places, in the history of old and new. We find it in the delightful myth of [[w:Antaeus|Antaeus]], who derives power from the earth; we find it among the subtle speculations of one of your splendid mathematicians and in many hints and statements of thinkers of the present time. '''Throughout space there is energy. Is this energy static or kinetic! If static our hopes are in vain; if kinetic — and this we know it is, for certain — then it is a mere question of time when men will succeed in attaching their machinery to the very wheelwork of nature.'''
** &quot;Experiments With Alternate Currents Of High Potential And High Frequency&quot; (February 1892)

* Ere long intelligence—transmitted without wires—will throb through the earth like a pulse through a living organism. The wonder is that, with the present state of knowledge and the experiences gained, no attempt is being made to disturb the electrostatic or magnetic condition of the earth, and transmit, if nothing else, intelligence. 
** In ''Electrical Engineer'', (24 Jun 1892), 11‎, 609. 

* There is something within me that might be illusion as it is often case with young delighted people, but if I would be fortunate to achieve some of my ideals, it would be on the behalf of the whole of humanity. If those hopes would become fulfilled, the most exciting thought would be that it is a deed of a Serb.
** Address at the Belgrade train station (1 June 1892){{citation needed}}

* Nature may reach the same result in many ways. Like a wave in the physical world, in the infinite ocean of the medium which pervades all, so in the world of organisms, in life, an impulse started proceeds onward, at times, may be, with the speed of light, at times, again, so slowly that for ages and ages it seems to stay, passing through processes of a complexity inconceivable to men, but in all its forms, in all its stages, its energy ever and ever integrally present. A single ray of light from a distant star falling upon the eye of a tyrant in bygone times may have altered the course of his life, may have changed the destiny of nations, may have transformed the surface of the globe, so intricate, so inconceivably complex are the processes in Nature. In no way can we get such an overwhelming idea of the grandeur of Nature than when we consider, that in accordance with the law of the conservation of energy, throughout the Infinite, the forces are in a perfect balance, and hence the energy of a single thought may determine the motion of a universe.
** &quot;On Light And Other High Frequency Phenomena&quot; A lecture delivered before the Franklin Institute, Philadelphia (24 February 1893), and before the National Electric Light Association, St. Louis (1 March 1893), published in ''The Electrical review'' (9 June 1893), p. Page 683; also in ''The Inventions, Researches And Writings of Nikola Tesla'' (1894)

* There is an influence which is getting strong and stronger day by day, which shows itself more and more in all departments of human activity, and influence most fruitful and beneficial—the influence of the artist. It was a happy day for the mass of humanity when the artist felt the desire of becoming a physician, an electrician, an engineer or mechanician or—whatnot—a mathematician or a financier; for it was he who wrought all these wonders and grandeur we are witnessing. It was he who abolished that small, pedantic, narrow-grooved school teaching which made of an aspiring student a galley-slave, and he who allowed freedom in the choice of subject of study according to one's pleasure and inclination, and so facilitated development. 
** &quot;Roentgen Rays or Streams&quot;, ''Electrical Review'' (12 Aug 1896). Reprinted in ''The Nikola Tesla Treasury'' (2007), 307. By Nikola Tesla 

* Our virtues and our failings are inseparable, like [[force]] and [[matter]]. When they separate, man is no more.
** &quot;[http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1900-06-00.htm The Problem of Increasing Human Energy]&quot;, ''Century Illustrated Magazine'' (June 1900)

* In a crystal we have the clear evidence of the existence of a formative life-principle, and though we cannot understand the life of a crystal, it is none the less a living being. 
** &quot;The Problem of Increasing Human Energy: With Special Reference to the Harnessing of the Sun’s Energy&quot;, ''Century Illustrated Magazine'', vol. 60, no. 2 (June 1900), p. 180

[[File:Aurora borealis in a lab dsc04517.jpg|thumb|right|This planet, with all its appalling immensity, is to [[electric]] currents virtually no more than a small metal ball.]]

* When the great truth accidentally revealed and experimentally confirmed is fully recognized, that this planet, with all its appalling immensity, is to electric currents virtually no more than a small metal ball and that by this fact many possibilities, each baffling imagination and of incalculable consequence, are rendered absolutely sure of accomplishment; when the first plant is inaugurated and it is shown that a telegraphic message, almost as secret and non-interferable as a thought, can be transmitted to any terrestrial distance, the sound of the human voice, with all its intonations and inflections, faithfully and instantly reproduced at any other point of the globe, the energy of a waterfall made available for supplying light, heat or motive power, anywhere — on sea, or land, or high in the air — humanity will be like an ant heap stirred up with a stick: See the excitement coming!
** &quot;The Transmission of Electric Energy Without Wires&quot; in ''Electrical World and Engineer'' (5 March 1904)

* Of all the frictional resistances, the one that most retards human movement is [[ignorance]], what [[Buddha]] called 'the greatest evil in the world.' The friction which results from ignorance ... can be reduced only by the spread of knowledge and the unification of the heterogeneous elements of humanity. No effort could be better spent. 
** &quot;The Problem of Increasing Human Energy&quot;, ''The Century'' (Jun 1900), 211. Collected in The Century (1900), Vol. 60, 211 

* As soon as it is completed, it will be possible for a business man in New York to dictate instructions, and have them instantly appear in type at his office in London or elsewhere. He will be able to call up, from his desk, and talk to any telephone subscriber on the globe, without any change whatever in the existing equipment. An inexpensive instrument, not bigger than a watch, will enable its bearer to hear anywhere, on sea or land, music or song, the speech of a political leader, the address of an eminent man of science, or the sermon of an eloquent clergyman, delivered in some other place, however distant. In the same manner any picture, character, drawing, or print can be transferred from one to another place. Millions of such instruments can be operated from but one plant of this kind. More important than all of this, however, will be the transmission of power, without wires, which will be shown on a scale large enough to carry conviction.
** On the [[w:Wardenclyffe Tower|Wardenclyffe Tower]], in &quot;The Future of the Wireless Art&quot; in ''Wireless Telegraphy and Telephony'' (1908) &lt;!-- pg. 67–71 Walter W. Massie &amp; Charles R. Underhill --&gt;

[[File:N.Tesla.JPG|thumb|right|All my money has been invested into [[experiment]]s with which I have made new discoveries enabling mankind to have a little easier life.]]
[[File:Teslathinker.jpg |thumb|right|Let the [[future]] tell the truth and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I really worked, is mine.]]

* '''Money does not represent such a value as men have placed upon it. All my money has been invested into experiments with which I have made new discoveries enabling mankind to have a little easier life.'''
** As quoted in Dragislav L. Petković, &quot;A Visit to Nikola Tesla&quot;, ''Politika'' (April 1927); also in Margaret Cheney, Robert Uth, and Jim Glenn, ''Tesla, Master of Lightning'' (1999), p. 82 

* '''Let the future tell the truth and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I really worked, is mine'''.
** On patent controversies regarding the [[w:Invention of radio|invention of Radio]] and other things, as quoted in &quot;A Visit to Nikola Tesla&quot; by Dragislav L. Petković in ''Politika'' (April 1927);&lt;!-- Perhaps from an interview in January 1927 --&gt; as quoted in Margaret Cheney, Robert Uth, and Jim Glenn, ''Tesla, Master of Lightning'' (1999), p. 73 &lt;!-- Barnes &amp; Noble Publishing --&gt; &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0760710058}} &lt;/small&gt;; also in Margaret Cheney, ''Tesla: Man Out of Time'' (2001), p. 230 &lt;!-- Simon and Schuster --&gt;&lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0743215362}} &lt;/small&gt;

* The idea of atomic energy is illusionary but it has taken so powerful a hold on the minds, that although I have preached against it for twenty-five years, there are still some who believe it to be realizable. 
** Quoted in 'Tesla, 75, Predicts New Power Source', New York Times (5 Jul 1931), Section 2, 1.

* I have harnessed the cosmic rays and caused them to operate a motive device.
** ''Brooklyn Eagle'' (10 July 1931)

* Edison was by far the most successful and, probably, the last exponent of the purely empirical method of investigation. Everything he achieved was the result of persistent trials and experiments often performed at random but always attesting extraordinary vigor and resource. Starting from a few known elements, he would make their combinations and permutations, tabulate them and run through the whole list, completing test after test with incredible rapidity until he obtained a clue. His mind was dominated by but one idea, to leave no stone unturned, to exhaust every possibility.&lt;br&gt; If he had a needle to find in a haystack he would not stop to reason where it was most likely to be, but would proceed at once, with the feverish diligence of a bee, to examine straw after straw until he found the object of his search. I came from Paris in the Spring of 1884, and was brought in intimate contact with him. We experimented day and night, holidays not excepted. His existence was made up of alternate periods of work and sleep in the laboratory. He had no hobby, cared for no sport or amusement of any kind and lived in utter disregard of the most elementary rules of hygiene.&lt;br&gt; There can be no doubt that, if he had not married later a woman of exceptional intelligence, who made it the one object of her life to preserve him, he would have died many years ago from consequences of sheer neglect. So great and uncontrollable was his passion for work.&lt;br&gt; His method was inefficient in the extreme, for an immense ground had to be covered to get anything at all unless blind chance intervened and, at first, I was almost a sorry witness of his doings, knowing that just a little theory and calculation would have saved him 90 per cent of the labor. But he had a veritable contempt for book learning and mathematical knowledge, trusting himself entirely to his inventor's instinct and practical American sense. In view of this, the truly prodigious amount of his actual accomplishments is little short of a miracle. &lt;br&gt;The recurrence of a phenomenon like Edison is not very likely. The profound change of conditions and the ever increasing necessity of the oretical training would seem to make it impossible. He will occupy a unique and exalted position in the history of his native land, which might well be proud of his great genius and undying achievements ir the interest of humanity.
** As quoted in &quot;Tesla Says Edison Was an Empiricist&quot;, ''The New York Times'' (19 Oct 1931), 25.

* I hold that space cannot be curved, for the simple reason that it can have no properties. It might as well be said that God has properties. He has not, but only attributes and these are of our own making. Of properties we can only speak when dealing with matter filling the space. To say that in the presence of large bodies space becomes curved is equivalent to stating that something can act upon nothing. I, for one, refuse to subscribe to such a view.
** ''New York Herald Tribune'' (11 September 1932)

[[File:Nikola-tesla-3909844.svg|thumb|The [[mind]] is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted [[solitude]]. No big laboratory is needed in which to think. Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the [[creative]] mind. Be alone, that is the secret of [[invention]]; be alone, that is when [[ideas]] are born.]]

* The mind is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted solitude. No big laboratory is needed in which to think. Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the creative mind. Be alone, that is the secret of invention; be alone, that is when ideas are born.
** &quot;An Inventor's Seasoned Ideas&quot;, ''The New York Times'' (8 April 1934) [https://teslauniverse.com/nikola-tesla/articles/tesla-sees-evidence-radio-and-light-are-sound] 
** Quoted in István G. Kocsis, [http://www.teslabook.fw.hu/Nikola%20Tesla_2015_en.pdf ''Nikola Tesla's Life &amp; Work''] (2015)

* The scientific man does not aim at an immediate result. He does not expect that his advanced ideas will be readily taken up. His work is like that of the planter — for the future. His duty is to lay the foundation for those who are to come, and point the way. He lives and labors and hopes.
** &quot;Radio Power Will Revolutionize the World&quot; in ''Modern Mechanics and Inventions'' (July 1934)

* When wireless is perfectly applied the whole earth will be converted into a huge brain, which in fact it is, all things being particles of a real and rhythmic whole. We shall be able to communicate with one another instantly, irrespective of distance. Not only this, but through television and telephony we shall see and hear one another as perfectly as though we were face to face, despite intervening distances of thousands of miles; and the instruments through which we shall be able to do this will be amazingly simple compared with our present telephone. A man will be able to carry one in his vest pocket. We shall be able to witness and hear events—the inauguration of a President, the playing of a World Series game, the havoc of an earthquake or the terror of a battle—just as though we were present.
**&quot;When woman is boss&quot;, ''Colliers'', January 30, 1926

*But the female mind has demonstrated a capacity for all the mental acquirements and achievements of men, and as generations ensue that capacity will be expanded; the average woman will be as well educated as the average man, and then better educated, for the dormant faculties of her brain will be stimulated to an activity that will be all the more intense and powerful because of centuries of repose. Woman will ignore precedent and startle civilization with their progress.
**&quot;When woman is boss&quot;, ''Colliers'', January 30, 1926

* I have satisfied myself that the [cosmic] rays are not generated by the formation of new matter in space, a process which would be like water running up a hill. Nor do they come to any appreciable amount from the stars. According to my investigations the sun emits a radiation of such penetrative power that it is virtually impossible to absorb it in lead or other substances. ... This ray, which I call the primary solar ray, gives rise to a secondary radiation by impact against the cosmic dust scattered through space. It is the secondary radiation which now is commonly called the cosmic ray, and comes, of course, equally from all directions in space. [The article continues: The phenomena of radioactivity are not the result of forces within the radioactive substances but are caused by this ray emitted by the sun. If radium could be screened effectively against this ray it would cease to be radioactive, he said.] 
** Quoted in 'Tesla, 75, Predicts New Power Source', New York Times (5 Jul 1931), Section 2, 1. 

* Today's [[scientists]] have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality.
** &quot;Radio Power Will Revolutionize the World&quot; in ''Modern Mechanics and Inventions'' (July 1934)

* The scientists from [[Benjamin Franklin|Franklin]] to [[Samuel Morse|Morse]] were clear thinkers and did not produce erroneous theories. The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane.
** &quot;Radio Power Will Revolutionize the World&quot; in ''Modern Mechanics and Inventions'' (July 1934)

* Much has been said about [[Yugoslavia]] and its people, but many Americans may be under a wrong impression for political enemies and agitators have spread the idea that its inhabitants belong to different nations animated by mutual hate and held together against their will, by a tyrannical power. The fact is that all Yugoslavs — Serbians, Slavonians, Bosnians, Herzegovinians, Dalmations, Montenagrins, Croatians and Slovenes — are of the same race, speak the same language and have common national ideals and traditions. {{pb}} At the termination of the World War, [[w:Alexander I of Yugoslavia |Alexander]] brought about a [[political]] union creating a powerful and resourceful State. This was hailed with joy by all the Slavs of the Balkans, but it took time before the people found themselves in the new conditions. {{pb}} The Croatians and Slovenes were never in a position to fight for their independence. It was the Serbians who fought the battles for freedom and the price of liberty was paid in Serbian blood. All true Croatians and Slovenes remember that gratefully. They also know that the Serbians have an unequaled aptitude and experience in warfare and are best qualified to direct the forces of the country in a crisis. {{pb}} Ever since united Yugoslavia came into being through Alexander's efforts, political enemies have done all they could to disrupt it by sowing seeds of discord and disseminating malicious reports. … The death of the King has shaken the country to its very foundations, but the enemies who say that it means the disruption of Yugoslavia will hope in vain, for the noble blood of the great man has only served to cement its parts more firmly and strengthen the national structure. Alexander will live long in the memory of his people, a heroic figure of imposing stature, both the [[George Washington|Washington]] and [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] of the Yugoslavs; like Washington an able and intrepid general who freed his country from oppression; like Lincoln a wise and patriotic leader who suffered martyrdom.
** [[s:Tribute to King Alexander|Tribute to King Alexander]], to the editor of ''The New York Times'' (19 October 1934), also at [http://www.heroesofserbia.com/2012/10/tribute-to-king-alexander-by-nikola.html Heroes of Serbia]

* [[Einstein]]'s relativity work is a magnificent mathematical garb which fascinates, dazzles and makes people blind to the underlying errors. The theory is like a beggar clothed in purple whom ignorant people take for a king...[I]ts exponents are brilliant men but they are metaphysicists rather than scientists.
** In ''The New York Times'' (11 July 1935), p. 23, c. 8

=== The Problem of Increasing Human Energy (1900) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1900-06-00.htm &quot;The Problem of Increasing Human Energy with Special References to the Harnessing of the Sun's Energy&quot;] in [http://books.google.com/books?id=_XYAAAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PA175&amp;dq=%22humanity+as+a+whole,+and+before+applying+scientific+methods+to%22&amp;num=100&amp;ei=GpAFR4npDY6K7QLdhpCGDQ&amp;ie=ISO-8859-1 ''Century Illustrated Magazine'' (June 1900)]&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Tesla young.jpg|thumb|right|The [[individual]] is ephemeral, races and nations come and pass away, but [[Humanity|man]] remains.]]

* When we speak of man, we have a conception of humanity as a whole, and before applying scientific methods to the investigation of his movement we must accept this as a physical fact. But can anyone doubt to-day that all the millions of individuals and all the innumerable types and characters constitute an entity, a unit? Though free to think and act, we are held together, like the stars in the firmament, with ties inseparable. These ties cannot be seen, but we can feel them. I cut myself in the finger, and it pains me: this finger is a part of me. I see a friend hurt, and it hurts me, too: my friend and I are one. And now I see stricken down an enemy, a lump of matter which, of all the lumps of matter in the universe, I care least for, and it still grieves me. Does this not prove that each of us is only part of a whole? {{pb}} For ages this idea has been proclaimed in the consummately wise teachings of religion, probably not alone as a means of insuring peace and harmony among men, but as a deeply founded truth. The Buddhist expresses it in one way, the Christian in another, but both say the same: We are all one. Metaphysical proofs are, however, not the only ones which we are able to bring forth in support of this idea. Science, too, recognizes this connectedness of separate individuals, though not quite in the same sense as it admits that the suns, planets, and moons of a constellation are one body, and there can be no doubt that it will be experimentally confirmed in times to come, when our means and methods for investigating psychical and other states and phenomena shall have been brought to great perfection. Still more: this one human being lives on and on. The individual is ephemeral, races and nations come and pass away, but man remains. Therein lies the profound difference between the individual and the whole.

* For every person who perishes from the effects of a stimulant, at least a thousand die from the consequences of drinking impure water. This precious fluid, which daily infuses new life into us, is likewise the chief vehicle through which disease and death enter our bodies. The germs of destruction it conveys are enemies all the more terrible as they perform their fatal work unperceived. They seal our doom while we live and enjoy. The majority of people are so ignorant or careless in drinking water, and the consequences of this are so disastrous, that a philanthropist can scarcely use his efforts better than by endeavoring to enlighten those who are thus injuring themselves. By systematic purification and sterilization of the drinking water the human mass would be very considerably increased. It should be made a rigid rule which might be enforced by law to boil or to sterilize otherwise the drinking water in every household and public place. The mere filtering does not afford sufficient security against infection. All ice for internal uses should be artificially prepared from water thoroughly sterilized. The importance of eliminating germs of disease from the city water is generally recognized, but little is being done to improve the existing conditions, as no satisfactory method of sterilizing great quantities of water has yet been brought forward. By improved electrical appliances we are now enabled to produce ozone cheaply and in large amounts, and this ideal disinfectant seems to offer a happy solution of the important question.

* The production of artificial food as a means for causing an increase of the human mass naturally suggests itself, but a direct attempt of this kind to provide nourishment does not appear to me rational, at least not for the present. Whether we could thrive on such food is very doubtful. We are the result of ages of continuous adaptation, and we cannot radically change without unforeseen and, in all probability, disastrous consequences. So uncertain an experiment should not be tried. By far the best way, it seems to me, to meet the ravages of the evil, would be to find ways of increasing the productivity of the soil. With this object the preservation of forests is of an importance which cannot be overestimated, and in this connection, also, the utilization of water-power for purposes of electrical transmission, dispensing in many ways with the necessity of burning wood, and tending thereby to forest preservation, is to be strongly advocated. But there are limits in the improvement to be effected in this and similar ways. {{pb}} To increase materially the productivity of the soil, it must be more effectively fertilized by artificial means. The question of food-production resolves itself, then, into the question how best to fertilize the soil. What it is that made the soil is still a mystery. To explain its origin is probably equivalent to explaining the origin of life itself. The rocks, disintegrated by moisture and heat and wind and weather, were in themselves not capable of maintaining life. Some unexplained condition arose, and some new principle came into effect, and the first layer capable of sustaining low organisms, like mosses was formed. These, by their life and death, added more of the life sustaining quality to the soil, and higher organisms could then subsist, and so on and on, until at last highly developed plant and animal life could flourish. But though the theories are, even now, not in agreement as to how fertilization is effected, it is a fact, only too well ascertained, that the soil cannot indefinitely sustain life, and some way must be found to supply it with the substances which have been abstracted from it by the plants. The chief and most valuable among these substances are compounds of nitrogen, and the cheap production of these is, therefore, the key for the solution of the all-important food problem. Our atmosphere contains an inexhaustible amount of nitrogen, and could we but oxidize it and produce these compounds, an incalculable benefit for mankind would follow. {{pb}} Long ago this idea took a powerful hold on the imagination of scientific men, but an efficient means for accomplishing this result could not be devised. The problem was rendered extremely difficult by the extraordinary inertness of the nitrogen, which refuses to combine even with oxygen. But here electricity comes to our aid: the dormant affinities of the element are awakened by an electric current of the proper quality. As a lump of coal which has been in contact with oxygen for centuries without burning will combine with it when once ignited, so nitrogen, excited by electricity, will burn. I did not succeed, however, in producing electrical discharges exciting very effectively the atmospheric nitrogen until a comparatively recent date, although I showed, in May, 1891, in a scientific lecture, a novel form of discharge or electrical flame named &quot;St. Elmo's hotfire,&quot; which, besides being capable of generating ozone in abundance, also possessed, as I pointed out on that occasion, distinctly the quality of exciting chemical affinities. This discharge or flame was then only three or four inches long, its chemical action was likewise very feeble, and consequently the process of oxidation of nitrogen was wasteful. How to intensify this action was the question. Evidently electric currents of a peculiar kind had to be produced in order to render the process of nitrogen combustion more efficient.

* There can be no doubt that, of all the frictional resistances, the one that most retards human movement is ignorance. Not without reason said that man of wisdom, Buddha: &quot;Ignorance is the greatest evil in the world.&quot; The friction which results from ignorance, and which is greatly increased owing to the numerous languages and nationalities, can be reduced only by the spread of knowledge and the unification of the heterogeneous elements of humanity. No effort could be better spent. But however ignorance may have retarded the onward movement of man in times past, it is certain that, nowadays, negative forces have become of greater importance. Among these there is one of far greater moment than any other. It is called organized warfare. When we consider the millions of individuals, often the ablest in mind and body, the flower of humanity, who are compelled to a life of inactivity and unproductiveness, the immense sums of money daily required for the maintenance of armies and war apparatus, representing ever so much of human energy, all the effort uselessly spent in the production of arms and implements of destruction, the loss of life and the fostering of a barbarous spirit, we are appalled at the inestimable loss to mankind which the existence of these deplorable conditions must involve. What can we do to combat best this great evil?

* It has been argued that the perfection of guns of great destructive power will stop [[warfare]]. So I myself thought for a long time, but now I believe this to be a profound mistake. Such developments will greatly modify, but not arrest it. On the contrary, I think that every new arm that is invented, every new departure that is made in this direction, merely invites new talent and skill, engages new effort, offers new incentive, and so only gives a fresh impetus to further development. Think of the discovery of gun-powder. Can we conceive of any more radical departure than was effected by this innovation? Let us imagine ourselves living in that period: would we not have thought then that warfare was at an end, when the armor of the knight became an object of ridicule, when bodily strength and skill, meaning so much before, became of comparatively little value? Yet gunpowder did not stop warfare: quite the opposite it acted as a most powerful incentive.

* As regards the security of a country against foreign invasion, it is interesting to note that it depends only on the relative, and not the absolute, number of the individuals or magnitude of the forces, and that, if every country should reduce the war-force in the same ratio, the security would remain unaltered. An international agreement with the object of reducing to a minimum the war-force which, in view of the present still imperfect education of the masses, is absolutely indispensable, would, therefore, seem to be the first rational step to take toward diminishing the force retarding human movement.

* So we find that the three possible solutions of the great problem of increasing human energy are answered by the three words: food, peace, work. Many a year I have thought and pondered, lost myself in speculations and theories, considering man as a mass moved by a force, viewing his inexplicable movement in the light of a mechanical one, and applying the simple principles of mechanics to the analysis of the same until I arrived at these solutions, only to realize that they were taught to me in my early childhood. These three words sound the key-notes of the Christian religion. Their scientific meaning and purpose now clear to me: food to increase the mass, peace to diminish the retarding force, and work to increase the force accelerating human movement. These are the only three solutions which are possible of that great problem, and all of them have one object, one end, namely, to increase human energy. When we recognize this, we cannot help wondering how profoundly wise and scientific and how immensely practical the Christian religion is, and in what a marked contrast it stands in this respect to other religions. It is unmistakably the result of practical experiment and scientific observation which have extended through the ages, while other religions seem to be the outcome of merely abstract reasoning. Work, untiring effort, useful and accumulative, with periods of rest and recuperation aiming at higher efficiency, is its chief and ever-recurring command. Thus we are inspired both by Christianity and Science to do our utmost toward increasing the performance of mankind. This most important of human problems I shall now specifically consider.

* The ultimate results of development in these three directions are: first, the burning of coal by a cold process in a battery; second, the efficient utilization of the energy of the ambient medium; and, third the transmission without wires of electrical energy to any distance. In whatever way these results may be arrived at, their practical application will necessarily involve an extensive use of iron, and this invaluable metal will undoubtedly be an essential element in the further development along these three lines. If we succeed in burning coal by a cold process and thus obtain electrical energy in an efficient and inexpensive manner, we shall require in many practical uses of this energy electric motors that is, iron. If we are successful in deriving energy from the ambient medium, we shall need, both in the obtainment and utilization of the energy, machinery again, iron. If we realize the transmission of electrical energy without wires on an industrial scale, we shall be compelled to use extensively electric generators once more, iron. Whatever we may do, iron will probably be the chief means of accomplishment in the near future, possibly more so than in the past. How long its reign will last is difficult to tell, for even now aluminium is looming up as a threatening competitor. But for the time being, next to providing new resources of energy, it is of the greatest importance to making improvements in the manufacture and utilization of iron. Great advances are possible in these latter directions, which, if brought about, would enormously increase the useful performance of mankind. {{pb}} Iron is by far the most important factor in modern progress. It contributes more than any other industrial product to the force accelerating human movement. So general is the use of this metal, and so intimately is it connected with all that concerns our life, that it has become as indispensable to us as the very air we breathe. Its name is synonymous with usefulness. But, however great the influence of iron may be on the present human development, it does not add to the force urging man onward nearly as much as it might. First of all, its manufacture as now carried on is connected with an appalling waste of fuel that is, waste of energy. Then, again, only a part of all the iron produced is applied for useful purposes. A good part of it goes to create frictional resistances, while still another large part is the means of developing negative forces greatly retarding human movement. Thus the negative force of war is almost wholly represented in iron.

* Aluminium, however, will not stop at downing copper. Before many years have passed it will be engaged in a fierce struggle with iron, and in the latter it will find an adversary not easy to conquer. The issue of the contest will largely depend on whether iron shall be indispensable in electric machinery. This the future alone can decide. The magnetism as exhibited in iron is an isolated phenomenon in nature. What it is that makes this metal behave so radically different from all other materials in this respect has not yet been ascertained, though many theories have been suggested. As regards magnetism, the molecules of the various bodies behave like hollow beams partly filled with a heavy fluid and balanced in the middle in the manner of a see-saw. Evidently some disturbing influence exists in nature which causes each molecule, like such a beam, to tilt either one or the other way. If the molecules are tilted one way, the body is magnetic; if they are tilted the other way, the body is non-magnetic; but both positions are stable, as they would be in the case of the hollow beam, owing to the rush of the fluid to the lower end. Now, the wonderful thing is that the molecules of all known bodies went one way, while those of iron went the other way. This metal, it would seem, has an origin entirely different from that of the rest of the globe. It is highly improbable that we shall discover some other and cheaper material which will equal or surpass iron in magnetic qualities.

* A far better way, however, to obtain power would be to avail ourselves of the sun's rays, which beat the earth incessantly and supply energy at a maximum rate of over four million horsepower per square mile. Although the average energy received per square mile in any locality during the year is only a small fraction of that amount, yet an inexhaustible source of power would be opened up by the discovery of some efficient method of utilizing the energy of the rays. The only rational way known to me at the time when I began the study of this subject was to employ some kind of heat- or thermodynamic-engine, driven by a volatile fluid evaporate in a boiler by the heat of the rays. But closer investigation of this method, and calculation, showed that, notwithstanding the apparently vast amount of energy received from the sun's rays, only a small fraction of that energy could be actually utilized in this manner. Furthermore, the energy supplied through the sun's radiations is periodical, and the same limitations as in the use of the windmill I found to exist here also. After a long study of this mode of obtaining motive power from the sun, taking into account the necessarily large bulk of the boiler, the low efficiency of the heat-engine, the additional cost of storing the energy and other drawbacks, I came to the conclusion that the &quot;solar engine,&quot; a few instances excepted, could not be industrially exploited with success. {{pb}} Another way of getting motive power from the medium without consuming any material would be to utilize the heat contained in the earth, the water, or the air for driving an engine. It is a well-known fact that the interior portions of the globe are very hot, the temperature rising, as observations show, with the approach to the center at the rate of approximately 1 degree C. for every hundred feet of depth. The difficulties of sinking shafts and placing boilers at depths of, say, twelve thousand feet, corresponding to an increase in temperature of about 120 degrees C., are not insuperable, and we could certainly avail ourselves in this way of the internal heat of the globe. In fact, it would not be necessary to go to any depth at all in order to derive energy from the stored terrestrial heat. The superficial layers of the earth and the air strata close to the same are at a temperature sufficiently high to evaporate some extremely volatile substances, which we might use in our boilers instead of water. There is no doubt that a vessel might be propelled on the ocean by an engine driven by such a volatile fluid, no other energy being used but the heat abstracted from the water. But the amount of power which could be obtained in this manner would be, without further provision, very small. {{pb}} Electricity produced by natural causes is another source of energy which might be rendered available. Lightning discharges involve great amounts of electrical energy, which we could utilize by transforming and storing it. Some years ago I made known a method of electrical transformation which renders the first part of this task easy, but the storing of the energy of lightning discharges will be difficult to accomplish. It is well known, furthermore, that electric currents circulate constantly through the earth, and that there exists between the earth and any air stratum a difference of electrical pressure, which varies in proportion to the height.

* When I advanced this system of telegraphy, my mind was dominated by the idea of effecting communication to any distance through the earth or environing medium, the practical consummation of which I considered of transcendent importance, chiefly on account of the moral effect which it could not fail to produce universally. As the first effort to this end I proposed at that time, to employ relay-stations with tuned circuits, in the hope of making thus practicable signaling over vast distances, even with apparatus of very moderate power then at my command. I was confident, however, that with properly designed machinery signals could be transmitted to any point of the globe, no matter what the distance, without the necessity of using such intermediate stations. I gained this conviction through the discovery of a singular electrical phenomenon, which I described early in 1892, in lectures I delivered before some scientific societies abroad, and which I have called a &quot;rotating brush.&quot; This is a bundle of light which is formed, under certain conditions, in a vacuum-bulb, and which is of a sensitiveness to magnetic and electric influences bordering, so to speak, on the supernatural. This light-bundle is rapidly rotated by the earth's magnetism as many as twenty thousand times pre second, the rotation in these parts being opposite to what it would be in the southern hemisphere, while in the region of the magnetic equator it should not rotate at all. In its most sensitive state, which is difficult to obtain, it is responsive to electric or magnetic influences to an incredible degree. The mere stiffening of the muscles of the arm and consequent slight electrical change in the body of an observer standing at some distance from it, will perceptibly affect it. When in this highly sensitive state it is capable of indicating the slightest magnetic and electric changes taking place in the earth. The observation of this wonderful phenomenon impressed me strongly that communication at any distance could be easily effected by its means, provided that apparatus could be perfected capable of producing an electric or magnetic change of state, however small, in the terrestrial globe or environing medium.

* Another of these reasons was that I was led to recognize the transmission of electrical energy to any distance through the media as by far the best solution of the great problem of harnessing the sun's energy for the uses of man. For a long time I was convinced that such a transmission on an industrial scale, could never be realized, but a discovery which I made changed my view. I observed that under certain conditions the atmosphere, which is normally a high insulator, assumes conducting properties, and so becomes capable of conveying any amount of electrical energy. But the difficulties in the way of a practical utilization of this discovery for the purpose of transmitting electrical energy without wires were seemingly insuperable. Electrical pressures of many millions of volts had to be produced and handled; generating apparatus of a novel kind, capable of withstanding the immense electrical stresses, had to be invented and perfected, and a complete safety against the dangers of the high-tension currents had to be attained in the system before its practical introduction could be even thought of. All this could not be done in a few weeks or months, or even years. The work required patience and constant application, but the improvements came, though slowly. Other valuable results were, however, arrived at in the course of this long-continued work, of which I shall endeavor to give a brief account, enumerating the chief advances as they were successively effected. {{pb}} The discovery of the conducting properties of the air, though unexpected, was only a natural result of experiments in a special field which I had carried on for some years before. It was, I believe, during 1889 that certain possibilities offered by extremely rapid electrical oscillations determined me to design a number of special machines adapted for their investigation. Owing to the peculiar requirements, the construction of these machines was very difficult, and consumed much time and effort; but my work on them was generously rewarded, for I reached by their means several novel and important results. One of the earliest observations I made with these new machines was that electrical oscillations of an extremely high rate act in an extraordinary manner upon the human organism. Thus, for instance, I demonstrated that powerful electrical discharges of several hundred thousand volts, which at that time were considered absolutely deadly, could be passed through the body without inconvenience or hurtful consequences. These oscillations produced other specific physiological effects, which, upon my announcement, were eagerly taken up by skilled physicians and further investigated. This new field has proved itself fruitful beyond expectation, and in the few years which have passed since, it has been developed to such an extent that it now forms a legitimate and important department of medical science. Many results, thought impossible at that time, are now readily obtainable with these oscillations, and many experiments undreamed of then can now be readily performed by their means. I still remember with pleasure how, nine years ago, I passed the discharge of a powerful induction-coil through my body to demonstrate before a scientific society the comparative harmlessness of very rapidly vibrating electric currents, and I can still recall the astonishment of my audience. I would now undertake, with much less apprehension that I had in that experiment, to transmit through my body with such currents the entire electrical energy of the dynamos now working at Niagara forty or fifty thousand horse-power. I have produced electrical oscillations which were of such intensity that when circulating through my arms and chest they have melted wires which joined my hands, and still I felt no inconvenience. I have energized with such oscillations a loop of heavy copper wire so powerfully that masses of metal, and even objects of an electrical resistance specifically greater than that of human tissue brought close to or placed within the loop, were heated to a high temperature and melted, often with the violence of an explosion, and yet into this very space in which this terribly-destructive turmoil was going on I have repeatedly thrust my head without feeling anything or experiencing injurious after-effects. {{pb}} Another observation was that by means of such oscillations light could be produced in a novel and more economical manner, which promised to lead to an ideal system of electric illumination by vacuum-tubes, dispensing with the necessity of renewal of lamps or incandescent filaments, and possibly also with the use of wires in the interior of buildings. The efficiency of this light increases in proportion to the rate of the oscillations, and its commercial success is, therefore, dependent on the economical production of electrical vibrations of transcending rates. In this direction I have met with gratifying success of late, and the practical introduction of this new system of illumination is not far off. {{pb}} The investigations led to many other valuable observations and results, one of the more important of which was the demonstration of the practicability of supplying electrical energy through one wire without return. At first I was able to transmit in this novel manner only very small amounts of electrical energy, but in this line also my efforts have been rewarded with similar success.

* The photograph shown in Fig. 3 illustrates, as its title explains, an actual transmission of this kind effected with apparatus used in other experiments here described. To what a degree the appliances have been perfected since my first demonstrations early in 1891 before a scientific society, when my apparatus was barely capable of lighting one lamp (which result was considered wonderful), will appear when I state that I have now no difficulty in lighting in this manner four or five hundred lamps, and could light many more. In fact, there is no limit to the amount of energy which may in this way be supplied to operate any kind of electrical device.

* After demonstrating the practicability of this method of transmission, the thought naturally occurred to me to use the earth as a conductor, thus dispensing with all wires. Whatever electricity may be, it is a fact that it behaves like an incompressible fluid, and the earth may be looked upon as an immense reservoir of electricity, which, I thought, could be disturbed effectively by a properly designed electrical machine. Accordingly, my next efforts were directed toward perfecting a special apparatus which would be highly effective in creating a disturbance of electricity in the earth.

* However extraordinary the results shown may appear, they are but trifling compared with those which are attainable by apparatus designed on these same principles. I have produced electrical discharges the actual path of which, from end to end, was probably more than one hundred feet long; but it would not be difficult to reach lengths one hundred times as great. I have produced electrical movements occurring at the rate of approximately one hundred thousand horse-power, but rates of one, five, or ten million horse-power are easily practicable. In these experiments effects were developed incomparably greater than any ever produced by human agencies, and yet these results are but an embryo of what is to be.

* That communication without wires to any point of the globe is practicable with such apparatus would need no demonstration, but through a discovery which I made I obtained absolute certitude. Popularly explained, it is exactly this: When we raise the voice and hear an echo in reply, we know that the sound of the voice must have reached a distant wall, or boundary, and must have been reflected from the same. Exactly as the sound, so an electrical wave is reflected, and the same evidence which is afforded by an echo is offered by an electrical phenomenon known as a &quot;stationary&quot; wave that is, a wave with fixed nodal and ventral regions. Instead of sending sound-vibrations toward a distant wall, I have sent electrical vibrations toward the remote boundaries of the earth, and instead of the wall the earth has replied. In place of an echo I have obtained a stationary electrical wave, a wave reflected from afar. {{pb}} Stationary waves in the earth mean something more than mere telegraphy without wires to any distance. They will enable us to attain many important specific results impossible otherwise. For instance, by their use we may produce at will, from a sending-station, an electrical effect in any particular region of the globe; we may determine the relative position or course of a moving object, such as a vessel at sea, the distance traversed by the same, or its speed; or we may send over the earth a wave of electricity traveling at any rate we desire, from the pace of a turtle up to lightning speed. {{pb}} With these developments we have every reason to anticipate that in a time not very distant most telegraphic messages across the oceans will be transmitted without cables. For short distances we need a &quot;wireless&quot; telephone, which requires no expert operators. The greater the spaces to be bridged, the more rational becomes communication without wires. The cable is not only an easily damaged and costly instrument, but it limits us in the speed of transmission by reason of a certain electrical property inseparable from its construction. A properly designed plant for effecting communication without wires ought to have many times the working capacity of a cable, while it will involve incomparably less expense. Not a long time will pass, I believe, before communication by cable will become obsolete, for not only will signaling by this new method be quicker and cheaper, but also much safer. By using some new means for isolating the messages which I have contrived, an almost perfect privacy can be secured. {{pb}} I have observed the above effects so far only up to a limited distance of about six hundred miles, but inasmuch as there is virtually no limit to the power of the vibrations producible with such an oscillator, I feel quite confident of the success of such a plant for effecting transoceanic communication. Nor is this all. My measurements and calculations have shown that it is perfectly practicable to produce on our globe, by the use of these principles, an electrical movement of such magnitude that, without the slightest doubt, its effect will be perceptible on some of our nearer planets, as Venus and Mars. Thus from mere possibility interplanetary communication has entered the stage of probability. In fact, that we can produce a distinct effect on one of these planets in this novel manner, namely, by disturbing the electrical condition of the earth, is beyond any doubt. This way of effecting such communication is, however, essentially different from all others which have so far been proposed by scientific men. In all the previous instances only a minute fraction of the total energy reaching the planet—as much as it would be possible to concentrate in a reflector could be utilized by the supposed observer in his instrument. But by the means I have developed he would be enabled to concentrate the larger portion of the entire energy transmitted to the planet in his instrument, and the chances of affecting the latter are thereby increased many millionfold. {{pb}} Besides machinery for producing vibrations of the required power, we must have delicate means capable of revealing the effects of feeble influences exerted upon the earth. For such purposes, too, I have perfected new methods. By their use we shall likewise be able, among other things, to detect at considerable distance the presence of an iceberg or other object at sea. By their use, also, I have discovered some terrestrial phenomena still unexplained. That we can send a message to a planet is certain, that we can get an answer is probable: man is not the only being in the Infinite gifted with a mind.

* While I have not, as yet, actually effected a transmission of a considerable amount of energy, such as would be of industrial importance, to a great distance by this new method, I have operated several model plants under exactly the same conditions which will exist in a large plant of this kind, and the practicability of the system is thoroughly demonstrated. The experiments have shown conclusively that, with two terminals maintained at an elevation of not more than thirty thousand to thirty-five thousand feet above sea-level, and with an electrical pressure of fifteen to twenty million volts, the energy of thousands of horse-power can be transmitted over distances which may be hundreds and, if necessary, thousands of miles. I am hopeful, however, that I may be able to reduce very considerably the elevation of the terminals now required, and with this object I am following up an idea which promises such a realization. There is, of course, a popular prejudice against using an electrical pressure of millions of volts, which may cause sparks to fly at distances of hundreds of feet, but, paradoxical as it may seem, the system, as I have described it in a technical publication, offers greater personal safety than most of the ordinary distribution circuits now used in the cities. This is, in a measure, borne out by the fact that, although I have carried on such experiments for a number of years, no injury has been sustained either by me or any of my assistants.

* It is probable that we shall soon have a self-acting heat-engine capable of deriving moderate amounts of energy from the ambient medium. There is also a possibility—though a small oneï—that we may obtain electrical energy direct from the sun. This might be the case if the Maxwellian theory is true, according to which electrical vibrations of all rates should emanate from the sun. I am still investigating this subject. Sir William Crookes has shown in his beautiful invention known as the &quot;radiometer&quot; that rays may produce by impact a mechanical effect, and this may lead to some important revelation as to the utilization of the sun's rays in novel ways. Other sources of energy may be opened up, and new methods of deriving energy from the sun discovered, but none of these or similar achievements would equal in importance the transmission of power to any distance through the medium. I can conceive of no technical advance which would tend to unite the various elements of humanity more effectively than this one, or of one which would more add to and more economize human energy. It would be the best means of increasing the force accelerating the human mass. The mere moral influence of such a radical departure would be incalculable. On the other hand if at any point of the globe energy can be obtained in limited quantities from the ambient medium by means of a self-acting heat-engine or otherwise, the conditions will remain the same as before. Human performance will be increased, but men will remain strangers as they were.

=== A Means for Furthering Peace (1905) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1905-01-07.htm &quot;The Transmission of Electrical Energy Without Wires as a Means for Furthering Peace&quot;] in ''Electrical World and Engineer'' (7 January 1905) &lt;!-- pp. 21–24 --&gt;&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:2003-32-GravitationalLens.jpg|thumb|We begin to [[think]] cosmically.]]

* Universal [[Peace]], assuming it to be in the fullest sense realizable, might not require eons for its accomplishment, however probable this may appear, judging from the imperceptibly slow growth of all great reformatory ideas of the past. ... Our accepted estimates of the duration of natural metamorphoses, or changes in general, have been thrown in doubt of late. The very foundations of science have been shaken.

* A state of human life vaguely defined by the term &quot;Universal Peace,&quot; while a result of cumulative effort through centuries past, might come into existence ''quickly'', not unlike a crystal suddenly forms in a solution which has been slowly prepared. But just as no effect can precede its cause, so this state can never be ''brought'' on by any pact between nations, however solemn. Experience is made before the law is formulated, both are related like cause and effect. So long as we are clearly conscious of the expectation, that peace is to result from such a parliamentary decision, so long have we a conclusive evidence that we are not fit for peace. Only then when we shall feel that such international meetings are mere formal procedures, unnecessary except in so far as they might serve to give definite expression to a common desire, will peace be assured.{{pb}}To judge from current events we must be, as yet, very distant from that blissful goal. It is true that we are proceeding towards it rapidly. There are abundant signs of this progress everywhere. The race enmities and prejudices are decidedly waning.

* We begin to think cosmically. Our sympathetic feelers reach out into the dim distance. The bacteria of the &quot;[[w:Weltschmerz|Weltschmerz]],&quot; are upon us. So far, however, universal harmony has been attained only in a single sphere of international relationship. That is the postal service. Its mechanism is working satisfactorily, but — how remote are we still from that scrupulous respect of the sanctity of the mail bag! And how much farther again is the next milestone on the road to peace — an international judicial service equally reliable as the postal!

* General disarmament being for the present entirely out of question, a proportionate reduction might be recommended. The safety of any country and of the world's commerce depending not on the absolute, but relative amount of war material, this would be evidently the first reasonable step to take towards universal economy and peace. But it would be a hopeless task to establish an equitable basis of adjustment. Population, naval strength, force of army, commercial importance, water-power, or any other natural resource, actual or prospective, are equally unsatisfactory standards to consider.

* To conquer by sheer force is becoming harder and harder every day. Defensive is getting continuously the advantage of offensive, as we progress in the satanic science of destruction. The new art of controlling electrically the movements and operations of individualized automata at a distance without wires, will soon enable any country to render its coasts impregnable against all naval attacks.

* The distance at which it can strike, and the destructive power of such a ''quasi-intelligent'' machine being for all practical purposes unlimited, the gun, the armor of the battleship and the wall of the fortress, lose their import and significance. One can prophesy with a Daniel's confidence that skilled electricians will settle the battles of the near future. But this is the least. In its effect upon war and peace, electricity offers still much greater and more wonderful possibilities. To stop war by the perfection of engines of destruction alone, might consume centuries and centuries. Other means must be employed to hasten the end.

* Fights between individuals, as well as governments and nations, invariably result from misunderstandings in the broadest interpretation of this term. Misunderstandings are always caused by the inability of appreciating one another's point of view. This again is due to the ignorance of those concerned, not so much in their ''own'', as in their ''mutual'' fields. The peril of a clash is aggravated by a more or less predominant sense of combativeness, posed by every human being. To resist this inherent fighting tendency the best way is to dispel ignorance of the doings of others by a systematic spread of general knowledge. With this object in view, it is most important to aid exchange of thought and intercourse.

[[File:CL0024+17.jpg|thumb|right|Our senses enable us to perceive only a minute portion of the outside world.]]

* Mutual understanding would be immensely facilitated by the use of one universal tongue. But which shall it be, is the great question. At present it looks as if the English might be adopted as such, though it must be admitted that it is not the most suitable. Each language, of course, excels in some feature.... A practical answer to that momentous question must perforce be found in times to come, for it is manifest that by adopting one common language the onward march of man would be prodigiously quickened. I do not believe that an artificial concoction, like Volapuk, will ever find universal acceptance, however time-saving it might be. That would be contrary to human nature. Languages have grown into our hearts.

*The gift of mental power comes from God divine being and if we concentrate our my minds on that truth we become in tune with this great power, my Mother had taught me to seek all truths in the bible.

* Our senses enable us to perceive only a minute portion of the outside world. Our hearing extends to a small distance. Our sight is impeded by intervening bodies and shadows. To know each other we must reach beyond the sphere of our sense perceptions. We must transmit our intelligence, travel, transport the materials and transfer the energies necessary for our existence. Following this thought we now realize, forcibly enough to dispense with argument, that of all other conquests of man, without exception, that which is most desirable, which would be most helpful in the establishment of universal peaceful relations is — the complete ''{{smallcaps|annihilation of distance}}''. {{pb}} To achieve this wonder, electricity is the one and only means. Inestimable good has already been done by the use of this all powerful agent, the nature of which is still a mystery. Our astonishment at what has been accomplished would be uncontrollable were it not held in check by the expectation of greater miracles to come. That one, the greatest of all, can be viewed in three aspects: ''Dissemination of intelligence, transportation, and transmission of power.''

[[File:SourTyre FemaleLebaneseProtestor-MobilePhone RomanDeckert22102019.jpg|thumb|Within a few years a simple and inexpensive device, readily carried about, will enable one to receive on land or sea the principal news, to hear a speech, a lecture, a song or play of a musical instrument, conveyed from any other region of the globe.]]

* Within a few years a simple and inexpensive device, readily carried about, will enable one to receive on land or sea the principal news, to hear a speech, a lecture, a song or play of a musical instrument, conveyed from any other region of the globe. The invention will also meet the crying need for cheap transmission to great distances, more especially over the oceans. The small working capacity of the cables and the excessive cost of messages are now fatal impediments in the dissemination of intelligence which can only be removed by transmission without wires.

* The ideal solution of the problem of transportation will be arrived at only when the complete annihilation of distance in the transmission of power in large amounts shall have become a commercial reality. That day we shall invade the domain of the bird. When the vexing problem of aerial navigation, which has defied his attempts for ages, is solved, man will advance with giant strides.

* That electrical energy can be economically transmitted without wires to any terrestrial distance, I have unmistakably established in numerous observations, experiments and measurements, qualitative and quantitative. These have demonstrated that is practicable to distribute power from a central plant in unlimited amounts, with a loss not exceeding ''a small fraction of one per cent'', in the transmission, even to the greatest distance, twelve thousand miles — to the opposite end of the globe.

[[File:Lightning simulator questacon05.jpg|thumb|right|Whatever the [[future]] may bring, the universal application of these great principles is fully assured, though it may be long in coming.]]

* I have obtained... spark discharges extending through more than one hundred feet and carrying currents of one thousand amperes, electromotive forces approximating twenty million volts, chemically active streamers covering areas of several thousand square feet, and electrical disturbances in the natural media ''surpassing'' those caused by lightning, in intensity. {{pb}} Whatever the future may bring, the universal application of these great principles is fully assured, though it may be long in coming. With the opening of the first power plant, incredulity will give way to wonderment, and this to ingratitude, as ever before.

* It should be borne in mind that electrical energy obtained by harnessing a waterfall is probably fifty times more effective than fuel energy. Since this is the most perfect way of rendering the sun's energy available, the direction of the future material development of man is clearly indicated.

* Electric current, after passing into the earth travels to the diametrically opposite region of the same and rebounding from there, returns to its point of departure with virtually undiminished force. The outgoing and returning currents clash and form nodes and loops similar to those observable on a vibrating cord. To traverse the entire distance of about twenty-five thousand miles, equal to the circumference of the globe, the current requires a certain time interval, which I have approximately ascertained. In yielding this knowledge, nature has revealed one of its most precious secrets, of inestimable consequence to man. So astounding are the facts in this connection, that it would seem as though the Creator, himself, had electrically designed this planet just for the purpose of enabling us to achieve wonders which, before my discovery, could not have been conceived by the wildest imagination.

[[File:Nikola Tesla by Sarony c1898.jpg|thumb|All that was great in the past was ridiculed, condemned, combated, suppressed — only to emerge all the more powerfully, all the more triumphantly from the struggle.]]

* The economic transmission of power without wires is of all-surpassing importance to man. By its means he will gain complete mastery of the air, the sea and the desert. It will enable him to dispense with the necessity of mining, pumping, transporting and burning fuel, and so do away with innumerable causes of sinful waste. By its means, he will obtain at any place and in any desired amount, the energy of remote waterfalls — to drive his machinery, to construct his canals, tunnels and highways, to manufacture the materials of his want, his clothing and food, to heat and light his home — year in, year out, ever and ever, by day and by night. It will make the living glorious sun his obedient, toiling slave. It will bring peace and harmony on earth.

* It is not a [[dream]], it is a ''simple feat of scientific [[electrical engineering]]'', only expensive — blind, faint-hearted, doubting world! ... Humanity is not yet sufficiently advanced to be willingly led by the discover's keen searching sense. But who knows? Perhaps it is better in this present world of ours that a revolutionary idea or invention instead of being helped and patted, be hampered and ill-treated in its adolescence — by want of means, by selfish interest, pedantry, stupidity and ignorance; that it be attacked and stifled; that it pass through bitter trials and tribulations, through the heartless strife of commercial existence. So do we get our light. So all that was great in the past was ridiculed, condemned, combated, suppressed — only to emerge all the more powerfully, all the more triumphantly from the struggle.

=== Man's Greatest Achievement (1908; 1930) ===

;Version 1. From a letter (dated 19 April 1908) in ''The New York Times'' (21 April 1908) [http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1908-04-21.htm]

[[File:Twain_in_Tesla_Lab.jpg|thumb|right|What has the [[future]] in store for this strange being, born of a breath, of perishable tissue, yet [[Immortal]], with his powers fearful and Divine?]]

* According to an adopted theory, every ponderable atom is differentiated from a tenuous fluid, filling all space merely by spinning motion, as a whirl of water in a calm lake. By being set in movement this fluid, the ether, becomes gross matter. Its movement arrested, the primary substance reverts to its normal state. It appears, then, possible for man through harnessed energy of the medium and suitable agencies for starting and stopping ether whirls to cause matter to form and disappear. At his command, almost without effort on his part, old worlds would vanish and new ones would spring into being. He could alter the size of this planet, control its seasons, adjust its distance from the sun, guide it on its eternal journey along any path he might choose, through the depths of the universe. He could make planets collide and produce his suns and stars, his heat and light; he could originate life in all its infinite forms. '''To cause at will the birth and death of matter would be man's grandest deed, which would give him the mastery of physical creation, make him fulfill his ultimate destiny.'''

;Version 2. &quot;Man's Greatest Achievement&quot;, ''New York American'' (6 July 1930) [http://www.tesla-coil-builder.com/Articles/july_6_1930.htm]

* When a child is born its sense-organs are brought in contact with the outer world. The waves of sound, heat, and light beat upon its feeble body, its sensitive nerve-fibres quiver, the muscles contract and relax in obedience: a gasp, a breath, and in this act a marvelous little engine, of inconceivable delicacy and complexity of construction, unlike any on earth, is hitched to the wheel-work of the Universe.

* The little engine labors and grows, performs more and more involved operations, becomes sensitive to ever subtler influences and now there manifests itself in the fully developed being — ''Man'' — a desire mysterious, inscrutable and irresistible: to imitate nature, to create, to work himself the wonders he perceives. {{pb}} Inspired to this task he searches, discovers and invents, designs and constructs, and covers with monuments of beauty, grandeur and awe, the star of his birth. He descends into the bowels of the globe to bring forth its hidden treasures and to unlock its immense imprisoned energies for his use. He invades the dark depths of the ocean and the azure regions of the sky. He peers in the innermost nooks and recesses of molecular structure and lays bare to his gaze worlds infinitely remote. He subdues and puts to his service the fierce, devastating spark of [[w:Prometheus|Prometheus]], the titanic forces of the waterfall, the wind and the tide. He tames the thundering bolt of Jove and annihilates time and space. He makes the great Sun itself his obedient toiling slave. Such is his power and might that the heavens reverberate and the whole earth trembles by the mere sound of his voice.

* What has the future in store for this strange being, born of a breath, of perishable tissue, yet Immortal, with his powers fearful and Divine? What magic will be wrought by him in the end? What is to be his greatest deed, his crowning achievement? {{pb}} Long ago he recognized that all perceptible matter comes from a primary substance, or a tenuity beyond conception, filling all space, the Akasha or luminiferous ether, which is acted upon by the life-giving Prana or Creative Force, calling into existence, in never ending cycles, all things and phenomena. The primary substance, thrown into infinitesimal whirls of prodigious velocity, becomes gross matter; the force subsiding, the motion ceases and matter disappears, reverting to the primary substance. {{pb}} Can man control this grandest, most awe-inspiring of all processes in nature? Can he harness her inexhaustible energies to perform all their functions at his bidding? more still cause them to operate simply by the force of his will? {{pb}} If he could do this, he would have powers almost unlimited and supernatural. At his command, with but a slight effort on his part, old worlds would disappear and new ones of his planning would spring into being. He could fix, solidify and preserve the ethereal shapes of his imagining, the fleeting visions of his dreams. He could express all the creations of his mind on any scale, in forms concrete and imperishable. He could alter the size of this planet, control its seasons, guide it along any path he might choose through the depths of the Universe. He could cause planets to collide and produce his suns and stars, his heat and light. He could originate and develop life in all its infinite forms.

* To create and to annihilate material substance, cause it to aggregate in forms according to his desire, would be the supreme manifestation of the power of Man's mind, his most complete triumph over the physical world, his crowning achievement, which would place him beside his Creator, make him fulfill his Ultimate Destiny.

=== Mr. Tesla Explains Why He Will Never Marry (1924) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://anengineersaspect.blogspot.it/2011/07/nikola-tesla-mr-tesla-explains-why-he.html &quot;An Engineer's Aspect&quot;] in Galveston Daily August 10, 1924&lt;/small&gt;

* This growing tendency of women to overshadow the masculine is a sign of a deteriorating civilization.

* Woman's determined competition with man in the business world is breaking down some of the best traditions

* Perhaps the male in human society is useless. I am frank to admit that I don't know. If women are beginning to feel this way about it--and there is striking evidence at hand that they do--then we are entering upon the cruelest period of the world's history.

* The tendency of women to push aside man, supplanting the old spirit of cooperation with him in all the affairs of life, is very disappointing to me.

=== A Machine to End War (1937) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.pbs.org/tesla/res/res_art11.html &quot;Machine to End War by Nikola Tesla as told to George Sylvester Viereck&quot;] in ''Liberty'' (February 1937)&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Observable Universe with Measurements 01.png|thumb|right|To me, the [[universe]] is simply a great [[machine]] which never came into being and never will end. The human being is no exception to the natural order. Man, like the universe, is a machine. Nothing enters our minds or determines our actions which is not directly or indirectly a response to stimuli beating upon our sense organs from without.]]

* While I am not a believer in the orthodox sense, I commend religion, first, because every individual should have some ideal — religious, artistic, scientific, or humanitarian — to give significance to his life. Second, because all the great religions contain wise prescriptions relating to the conduct of life, which hold good now as they did when they were promulgated.

* There is no conflict between the ideal of religion and the ideal of science, but science is opposed to theological dogmas because science is founded on fact. To me, the universe is simply a great machine which never came into being and never will end. The human being is no exception to the natural order. Man, like the universe, is a machine. Nothing enters our minds or determines our actions which is not directly or indirectly a response to stimuli beating upon our sense organs from without. Owing to the similarity of our construction and the sameness of our environment, we respond in like manner to similar stimuli, and from the concordance of our reactions, understanding is born. In the course of ages, mechanisms of infinite complexity are developed, but what we call &quot;soul &quot; or &quot;spirit,&quot; is nothing more than the sum of the functionings of the body. When this functioning ceases, the &quot;soul&quot; or the &quot;spirit&quot; ceases likewise.

* The year 2100 will see [[eugenics]] universally established. In past ages, the law governing the survival of the fittest roughly weeded out the less desirable strains. Then man's new sense of pity began to interfere with the ruthless workings of nature. As a result, we continue to keep alive and to breed the unfit. The only method compatible with our notions of civilization and the race is to prevent the breeding of the unfit by sterilization and the deliberate guidance of the mating instinct, Several European countries and a number of states of the American Union sterilize the criminal and the insane. This is not sufficient. The trend of opinion among eugenists is that we must make marriage more difficult. Certainly no one who is not a desirable parent should be permitted to produce progeny. A century from now it will no more occur to a normal person to mate with a person eugenically unfit than to marry a habitual criminal. 

== Attributed ==

* [[Guglielmo Marconi|Marconi]] is a good fellow. Let him continue. He is using seventeen of my patents.
** On being informed that Marconi was transmitting wireless messages across the Atlantic Ocean, as quoted in [http://www.pbs.org/tesla/ll/ll_whoradio.html &quot;Who Invented Radio?&quot;], PBS.org; also in Daniel Blair Stewart, ''Tesla: The Modern Sorcerer'' (1999), p. 371

* I do not think there is any thrill that can go through the human heart like that felt by the inventor as he sees some creation of the brain unfolding to [[success]]...Such emotions make a man forget food, sleep, friends, love, everything.
** Quoted in ''Marconi and Tesla: Pioneers of Radio Communication'' (2008) by Tim O'Shei, &lt;!-- Touchstone --&gt;&lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|159845076X}} &lt;/small&gt;, p. 5

* Never trust a Jew!
** See Margaret Cheney, ''[https://books.google.com.br/books?id=HIuK7iLO9zgC&amp;pg=PA165 Tesla: Man Out of Time]'' (Touchstone, 2001 [1981]), p. 165

{{Disputed begin}}

== Disputed ==

* '''If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.''' '''My brain is only a receiver, in the Universe there is a core from which we obtain knowledge, strength and inspiration. I have not penetrated into the secrets of this core, but I know that it exists.'''
** Quoted by Ralph Bergstresser, who claimed to have heard this from Tesla in person. [https://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/ciencia/esp_ciencia_universalenergy02.htm &quot;Coments From The Inventor of the Purple Harmony Plates&quot;], bibliotecapleyades.net (n.d.)

{{Disputed end}}

== Quotes about Tesla ==

[[File:Lightning storm over Boston - NOAA.jpg|thumb|right|He'll be a child of the [[storm]].]]
[[File:Tesla-Nijagara.JPG|thumb|right|The world, I think, will wait a long time for Nikola Tesla's equal in achievement and imagination. ~ [[Edwin Howard Armstrong]] ]]
[[File:Statue of Nikola Tesla in Niagara Falls State Park.jpg|thumb|right|He did dream and his dreams came true, he did have visions but they were of a real future, not an imaginary one. ~ [[w:John Stone Stone|John Stone Stone]] ]]
[[File:Photo statue nikola-tesla 01.jpg|thumb|right|What we at one time were inclined, through a species of intellectual myopia, to regard as the fascinating but fantastical speculations of a man whom we are now compelled, in the light of modern experience and knowledge, to admit was a [[prophet]]. ~ [[w:John Stone Stone|J. S. Stone]] ]]
[[File:Urn with Teslas ashes.jpg |thumb|right|Tesla was no mere lecturer and [[prophet]]. He saw to the fulfillment of his prophesies. ~ [[w:John Stone Stone|J. S. Stone]] ]]

* He'll be a child of the [[storm]].
** Comment by the midwife who assisted his birth, &quot;at the stroke of midnight&quot; while lightning was striking during a thunderstorm. His mother replied, &quot;No, of light.&quot; [http://www.teslauniverse.com/nikola-tesla-timeline-1856-birth-of-tesla &quot;Nikola Tesla Timeline&quot;], ''teslauniverse.com'' (n.d.)

* We think of his contribution much oftener than that of [[w:Ampere|Ampere]] and [[w:Ohm|Ohm]] … the [[w:induction motor|induction motor]] and our [[w:power system|power system]] are enduring monuments to Nikola Tesla. 
** Dr. [[w:Ernst Alexanderson|E. F. W. Alexanderson]]{{source}}

* '''The world, I think, will wait a long time for Nikola Tesla's equal in achievement and imagination.'''
** [[Edwin Howard Armstrong|Edwin Howard Armstrong]], as quoted in the [http://www.teslasociety.com/tmuseum.htm The Tesla Museum exhibition in Belgrade, and by the Tesla Memorial Society of New York]

* Nikola Tesla is proof that real greatness surpasses national borders and differences.
** [[George W. Bush]] in a message to [[w:Stjepan Mesić|Stjepan Mesić]], quoted in [http://newgeneration.croatianherald.com/EXCLUSIVE/tabid/95/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/982/Nikola-Teslas-anniversary-and-ancestry.aspx &quot;Nikola Tesla's anniversary and ancestry&quot; in ''The New Generation'' (24 December 2006)]

* '''Tesla is entitled to the enduring gratitude of mankind.'''
** [[w:Arthur Compton|Arthur Compton]]{{source}}

* As an eminent pioneer in the realm of high frequency currents... I congratulate you on the great successes of your life's work.
** [[Albert Einstein]] in a [http://www.teslasociety.com/einsteinletter.jpg letter to Tesla] for his 75th birthday (1931)

* Tesla has done great things that will take the rest of us a long time to fully exploit. Lets just hope we exploit them for the right reasons! 
** [[w:Kevin R. Hutson|Kevin R. Hutson]]{{source}}

* Nikola Tesla is the true unsung prophet of the electronic age; without whom our radio, auto ignition, telephone, alternating current power generation and transmission, radio and television would all have been impossible.
** Ben Johnston in the &quot;Introduction&quot; to ''My Inventions : The Autobiography of Nikola Tesla'' (1983).

* '''The invention of the wheel was perhaps rather obvious; but the invention of an invisible wheel, made of nothing but a magnetic field, was far from obvious, and that is what we owe to Nikola Tesla.'''
** [[w:Reginald Kapp|Reginald Kapp]] (1956){{source}}

* '''Tesla has contributed more to electrical science than any man up to his time.'''
** [[William Thomson|Lord Kelvin]], in a statement of 1896, as quoted in James J. O'Neill, ''Prodigal Genius: The Life of Nikola Tesla'' (2007) 

* I am sending [Dr. Tesla]...my gratitude and my respect in overflowing measure. 
** [[w:Robert Millikan|Robert Millikan]]{{source}}

* All scientific men will be delighted to extend their warmest congratulations to Tesla and to express their appreciation of his great contributions to science. 
** [[Ernest Rutherford]]{{source}}

* Nikola Tesla's achievements in electrical science are monuments that symbolize America as a land of freedom and opportunity … Tesla's mind was a human dynamo that whirled to benefit mankind.
** [[w:David Sarnoff|David Sarnoff]]{{source}}

* The evolution of electric power from the discovery of Faraday to the initial great installation of the Tesla polyphase system in 1896 is undoubtedly the most tremendous event in all engineering history.
** [[w:Charles F. Scott|Charles F. Scott]]{{source}}

* '''I misunderstood Tesla. I think we all misunderstood Tesla. We thought he was a dreamer and visionary. He did dream and his dreams came true, he did have visions but they were of a real future, not an imaginary one.''' Tesla was the first man to lift his eyes high enough to see that the rarified stratum of atmosphere above our earth was destined to play an important role in the radio telegraphy of the future, a fact which had to obtrude itself on the attention of most of us before we saw it. But Tesla also perceived what many of us did not in those days, namely, the currents which flowed way from the base of the antenna over the surface of the earth and in the earth itself.
** [[w:John Stone Stone|John Stone Stone]] in &quot;John Stone Stone on Nikola Tesla's Priority in Radio and Continuous-Wave Radiofrequency Apparatus&quot; (1915)

* Tesla, with his almost preternatural insight into alternating current phenomenon that had enabled him some years before to revolutionize the art of electric power transmission through the invention of the rotary field motor, knew how to make resonance serve, not merely the role of a microscope to make visible the electric oscillations, as Hertz had done, but he made it serve the role of a stereopticon to render spectacular to large audiences the phenomena of electric oscillations and high frequency currents....He did more to excite interest and create an intelligent understanding of these phenomena in the years 1891–1893 than anyone else, and '''the more we learn about high frequency phenomena, resonance, and radiation today, the nearer we find ourselves approaching what we at one time were inclined, through a species of intellectual myopia, to regard as the fascinating but fantastical speculations of a man whom we are now compelled, in the light of modern experience and knowledge, to admit was a prophet.''' But Tesla was no mere lecturer and prophet. He saw to the fulfillment of his prophesies and it has been difficult to make any but unimportant improvements in the art of radio-telegraphy without traveling part of the way at least, along a trail blazed by this pioneer who, though eminently ingenious, practical, and successful in the apparatus he devised and constructed, was so far ahead of his time that the best of us then mistook him for a dreamer. I never came anywhere near having an appreciation of what Mr. Tesla had done in this art until a very late date...
** [[w:John Stone Stone|John Stone Stone]] in &quot;John Stone Stone on Nikola Tesla's Priority in Radio and Continuous-Wave Radiofrequency Apparatus&quot; (1915)

*[Dr. Tesla's] lectures opened a new physical world to me... [He was] one of the kindest men I've ever encountered. The hours which I was permitted to spend together with [him] will always be among the fondest memories of my life.
** [[w:Jonathan Zenneck|Jonathan Zenneck]]{{source}}

== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{wikisource-inline|Author:Nikola Tesla}}

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      <text bytes="91328" sha1="p93vdgq5dxqu3lj5nqpz63g9lq6sb7d" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Tesla3.jpg|thumb|right|The [[scientist|scientific man]] does not aim at an immediate result. He does not expect that his advanced ideas will be readily taken up...His duty is to lay the foundation for those who are to come, and point the way.]]
'''[[wikipedia:Nikola Tesla|Nikola Tesla]]''' ([[10 July]] [[1856]] – [[7 January]] [[1943]]) was a [[w:Serbia|Serbian]] [[w:physicist|physicist]], [[w:inventor|inventor]], and [[w:electrical engineer|electrical engineer]]. Born in the Lika region of the [[w:Military Frontier |Military Frontier]] (present-day [[w:Croatia|Croatia]]), he was a subject of the [[w:Austrian Empire|Austrian Empire]] who later became an [[w:United States|American]] citizen.
:'''''See also: 
::'''''[[My Inventions: The Autobiography of Nikola Tesla|My Inventions]]''''' (1919; 1983)

== Quotes ==

[[File:Magnetosphere rendition.jpg|thumb|right|A point of great importance would be first to know: what is the capacity of the [[earth]]? And what charge does it contain if [[electrified]]?]]
[[File:Nikola Tesla, with his equipment Wellcome M0014782 - restoration2.jpg|thumb|right|Throughout space there is [[energy]]. ... it is a mere question of time when men will succeed in attaching their machinery to the very wheelwork of nature.]]

* A point of great importance would be first to know: what is the capacity of the earth? And what charge does it contain if electrified? Though we have no positive evidence of a charged body existing in space without other oppositely electrified bodies being near, there is a fair probability that the earth is such a body, for by whatever process it was separated from other bodies — and this is the accepted view of its origin — it must have retained a charge, as occurs in all processes of mechanical separation.
** &quot;Experiments With Alternating Currents of Very High Frequency, and Their Application to Methods of Artificial Illumination&quot; (20 May 1891)

* Alternate currents, especially of high frequencies, pass with astonishing freedom through even slightly rarefied gases. The upper strata of the air are rarefied. To reach a number of miles out into space requires the overcoming of difficulties of a merely mechanical nature.
** [http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1892-02-03.htm &quot;Experiments With Alternate Currents Of High Potential And High Frequency&quot;] an address to the Institution of Electrical Engineers, London (February 1892)

* Russians are lucky - they have [[socialism]] and [[Stalin]].
** [https://www.google.it/books/edition/%D0%94%D0%BD%D0%B5%D0%B2%D0%BD%D0%B8%D0%BA%D0%B8_%D0%AF_%D0%BC%D0%BE%D0%B3%D1%83_%D0%BE%D0%B1%D1%8A%D1%8F%D1%81/lVUvDwAAQBAJ?hl=it&amp;gbpv=1&amp;dq=%D0%A0%D1%83%D1%81%D1%81%D0%BA%D0%B8%D0%BC+%D0%BF%D0%BE%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%B7%D0%BB%D0%BE+%E2%80%93+%D1%83+%D0%BD%D0%B8%D1%85+%D0%B5%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C+%D1%81%D0%BE%D1%86%D0%B8%D0%B0%D0%BB%D0%B8%D0%B7%D0%BC+%D0%B8+%D0%A1%D1%82%D0%B0%D0%BB%D0%B8%D0%BD&amp;pg=PT62&amp;printsec=frontcover Дневники. Я могу объяснить многое]

* '''Ere many generations pass, our [[machinery]] will be driven by a [[power]] obtainable at any point of the universe.''' This idea is not novel. Men have been led to it long ago by instinct or reason; it has been expressed in many ways, and in many places, in the history of old and new. We find it in the delightful myth of [[w:Antaeus|Antaeus]], who derives power from the earth; we find it among the subtle speculations of one of your splendid mathematicians and in many hints and statements of thinkers of the present time. '''Throughout space there is energy. Is this energy static or kinetic! If static our hopes are in vain; if kinetic — and this we know it is, for certain — then it is a mere question of time when men will succeed in attaching their machinery to the very wheelwork of nature.'''
** &quot;Experiments With Alternate Currents Of High Potential And High Frequency&quot; (February 1892)

* Ere long intelligence—transmitted without wires—will throb through the earth like a pulse through a living organism. The wonder is that, with the present state of knowledge and the experiences gained, no attempt is being made to disturb the electrostatic or magnetic condition of the earth, and transmit, if nothing else, intelligence. 
** In ''Electrical Engineer'', (24 Jun 1892), 11‎, 609. 

* There is something within me that might be illusion as it is often case with young delighted people, but if I would be fortunate to achieve some of my ideals, it would be on the behalf of the whole of humanity. If those hopes would become fulfilled, the most exciting thought would be that it is a deed of a Serb.
** Address at the Belgrade train station (1 June 1892){{citation needed}}

* Nature may reach the same result in many ways. Like a wave in the physical world, in the infinite ocean of the medium which pervades all, so in the world of organisms, in life, an impulse started proceeds onward, at times, may be, with the speed of light, at times, again, so slowly that for ages and ages it seems to stay, passing through processes of a complexity inconceivable to men, but in all its forms, in all its stages, its energy ever and ever integrally present. A single ray of light from a distant star falling upon the eye of a tyrant in bygone times may have altered the course of his life, may have changed the destiny of nations, may have transformed the surface of the globe, so intricate, so inconceivably complex are the processes in Nature. In no way can we get such an overwhelming idea of the grandeur of Nature than when we consider, that in accordance with the law of the conservation of energy, throughout the Infinite, the forces are in a perfect balance, and hence the energy of a single thought may determine the motion of a universe.
** &quot;On Light And Other High Frequency Phenomena&quot; A lecture delivered before the Franklin Institute, Philadelphia (24 February 1893), and before the National Electric Light Association, St. Louis (1 March 1893), published in ''The Electrical review'' (9 June 1893), p. Page 683; also in ''The Inventions, Researches And Writings of Nikola Tesla'' (1894)

* There is an influence which is getting strong and stronger day by day, which shows itself more and more in all departments of human activity, and influence most fruitful and beneficial—the influence of the artist. It was a happy day for the mass of humanity when the artist felt the desire of becoming a physician, an electrician, an engineer or mechanician or—whatnot—a mathematician or a financier; for it was he who wrought all these wonders and grandeur we are witnessing. It was he who abolished that small, pedantic, narrow-grooved school teaching which made of an aspiring student a galley-slave, and he who allowed freedom in the choice of subject of study according to one's pleasure and inclination, and so facilitated development. 
** &quot;Roentgen Rays or Streams&quot;, ''Electrical Review'' (12 Aug 1896). Reprinted in ''The Nikola Tesla Treasury'' (2007), 307. By Nikola Tesla 

* Our virtues and our failings are inseparable, like [[force]] and [[matter]]. When they separate, man is no more.
** &quot;[http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1900-06-00.htm The Problem of Increasing Human Energy]&quot;, ''Century Illustrated Magazine'' (June 1900)

* In a crystal we have the clear evidence of the existence of a formative life-principle, and though we cannot understand the life of a crystal, it is none the less a living being. 
** &quot;The Problem of Increasing Human Energy: With Special Reference to the Harnessing of the Sun’s Energy&quot;, ''Century Illustrated Magazine'', vol. 60, no. 2 (June 1900), p. 180

[[File:Aurora borealis in a lab dsc04517.jpg|thumb|right|This planet, with all its appalling immensity, is to [[electric]] currents virtually no more than a small metal ball.]]

* When the great truth accidentally revealed and experimentally confirmed is fully recognized, that this planet, with all its appalling immensity, is to electric currents virtually no more than a small metal ball and that by this fact many possibilities, each baffling imagination and of incalculable consequence, are rendered absolutely sure of accomplishment; when the first plant is inaugurated and it is shown that a telegraphic message, almost as secret and non-interferable as a thought, can be transmitted to any terrestrial distance, the sound of the human voice, with all its intonations and inflections, faithfully and instantly reproduced at any other point of the globe, the energy of a waterfall made available for supplying light, heat or motive power, anywhere — on sea, or land, or high in the air — humanity will be like an ant heap stirred up with a stick: See the excitement coming!
** &quot;The Transmission of Electric Energy Without Wires&quot; in ''Electrical World and Engineer'' (5 March 1904)

* Of all the frictional resistances, the one that most retards human movement is [[ignorance]], what [[Buddha]] called 'the greatest evil in the world.' The friction which results from ignorance ... can be reduced only by the spread of knowledge and the unification of the heterogeneous elements of humanity. No effort could be better spent. 
** &quot;The Problem of Increasing Human Energy&quot;, ''The Century'' (Jun 1900), 211. Collected in The Century (1900), Vol. 60, 211 

* As soon as it is completed, it will be possible for a business man in New York to dictate instructions, and have them instantly appear in type at his office in London or elsewhere. He will be able to call up, from his desk, and talk to any telephone subscriber on the globe, without any change whatever in the existing equipment. An inexpensive instrument, not bigger than a watch, will enable its bearer to hear anywhere, on sea or land, music or song, the speech of a political leader, the address of an eminent man of science, or the sermon of an eloquent clergyman, delivered in some other place, however distant. In the same manner any picture, character, drawing, or print can be transferred from one to another place. Millions of such instruments can be operated from but one plant of this kind. More important than all of this, however, will be the transmission of power, without wires, which will be shown on a scale large enough to carry conviction.
** On the [[w:Wardenclyffe Tower|Wardenclyffe Tower]], in &quot;The Future of the Wireless Art&quot; in ''Wireless Telegraphy and Telephony'' (1908) &lt;!-- pg. 67–71 Walter W. Massie &amp; Charles R. Underhill --&gt;

[[File:N.Tesla.JPG|thumb|right|All my money has been invested into [[experiment]]s with which I have made new discoveries enabling mankind to have a little easier life.]]
[[File:Teslathinker.jpg |thumb|right|Let the [[future]] tell the truth and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I really worked, is mine.]]

* '''Money does not represent such a value as men have placed upon it. All my money has been invested into experiments with which I have made new discoveries enabling mankind to have a little easier life.'''
** As quoted in Dragislav L. Petković, &quot;A Visit to Nikola Tesla&quot;, ''Politika'' (April 1927); also in Margaret Cheney, Robert Uth, and Jim Glenn, ''Tesla, Master of Lightning'' (1999), p. 82 

* '''Let the future tell the truth and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I really worked, is mine'''.
** On patent controversies regarding the [[w:Invention of radio|invention of Radio]] and other things, as quoted in &quot;A Visit to Nikola Tesla&quot; by Dragislav L. Petković in ''Politika'' (April 1927);&lt;!-- Perhaps from an interview in January 1927 --&gt; as quoted in Margaret Cheney, Robert Uth, and Jim Glenn, ''Tesla, Master of Lightning'' (1999), p. 73 &lt;!-- Barnes &amp; Noble Publishing --&gt; &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0760710058}} &lt;/small&gt;; also in Margaret Cheney, ''Tesla: Man Out of Time'' (2001), p. 230 &lt;!-- Simon and Schuster --&gt;&lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0743215362}} &lt;/small&gt;

* The idea of atomic energy is illusionary but it has taken so powerful a hold on the minds, that although I have preached against it for twenty-five years, there are still some who believe it to be realizable. 
** Quoted in 'Tesla, 75, Predicts New Power Source', New York Times (5 Jul 1931), Section 2, 1.

* I have harnessed the cosmic rays and caused them to operate a motive device.
** ''Brooklyn Eagle'' (10 July 1931)

* Edison was by far the most successful and, probably, the last exponent of the purely empirical method of investigation. Everything he achieved was the result of persistent trials and experiments often performed at random but always attesting extraordinary vigor and resource. Starting from a few known elements, he would make their combinations and permutations, tabulate them and run through the whole list, completing test after test with incredible rapidity until he obtained a clue. His mind was dominated by but one idea, to leave no stone unturned, to exhaust every possibility.&lt;br&gt; If he had a needle to find in a haystack he would not stop to reason where it was most likely to be, but would proceed at once, with the feverish diligence of a bee, to examine straw after straw until he found the object of his search. I came from Paris in the Spring of 1884, and was brought in intimate contact with him. We experimented day and night, holidays not excepted. His existence was made up of alternate periods of work and sleep in the laboratory. He had no hobby, cared for no sport or amusement of any kind and lived in utter disregard of the most elementary rules of hygiene.&lt;br&gt; There can be no doubt that, if he had not married later a woman of exceptional intelligence, who made it the one object of her life to preserve him, he would have died many years ago from consequences of sheer neglect. So great and uncontrollable was his passion for work.&lt;br&gt; His method was inefficient in the extreme, for an immense ground had to be covered to get anything at all unless blind chance intervened and, at first, I was almost a sorry witness of his doings, knowing that just a little theory and calculation would have saved him 90 per cent of the labor. But he had a veritable contempt for book learning and mathematical knowledge, trusting himself entirely to his inventor's instinct and practical American sense. In view of this, the truly prodigious amount of his actual accomplishments is little short of a miracle. &lt;br&gt;The recurrence of a phenomenon like Edison is not very likely. The profound change of conditions and the ever increasing necessity of the oretical training would seem to make it impossible. He will occupy a unique and exalted position in the history of his native land, which might well be proud of his great genius and undying achievements ir the interest of humanity.
** As quoted in &quot;[https://www.nytimes.com/1931/10/19/archives/tesla-says-edison-was-an-empiricist-electrical-technician-declares.html Tesla Says Edison Was an Empiricist]&quot;, ''The New York Times'' (19 Oct 1931), 25.

* I hold that space cannot be curved, for the simple reason that it can have no properties. It might as well be said that God has properties. He has not, but only attributes and these are of our own making. Of properties we can only speak when dealing with matter filling the space. To say that in the presence of large bodies space becomes curved is equivalent to stating that something can act upon nothing. I, for one, refuse to subscribe to such a view.
** ''New York Herald Tribune'' (11 September 1932)

[[File:Nikola-tesla-3909844.svg|thumb|The [[mind]] is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted [[solitude]]. No big laboratory is needed in which to think. Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the [[creative]] mind. Be alone, that is the secret of [[invention]]; be alone, that is when [[ideas]] are born.]]

* The mind is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted solitude. No big laboratory is needed in which to think. Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the creative mind. Be alone, that is the secret of invention; be alone, that is when ideas are born.
** &quot;An Inventor's Seasoned Ideas&quot;, ''The New York Times'' (8 April 1934) [https://teslauniverse.com/nikola-tesla/articles/tesla-sees-evidence-radio-and-light-are-sound] 
** Quoted in István G. Kocsis, [http://www.teslabook.fw.hu/Nikola%20Tesla_2015_en.pdf ''Nikola Tesla's Life &amp; Work''] (2015)

* The scientific man does not aim at an immediate result. He does not expect that his advanced ideas will be readily taken up. His work is like that of the planter — for the future. His duty is to lay the foundation for those who are to come, and point the way. He lives and labors and hopes.
** &quot;Radio Power Will Revolutionize the World&quot; in ''Modern Mechanics and Inventions'' (July 1934)

* When wireless is perfectly applied the whole earth will be converted into a huge brain, which in fact it is, all things being particles of a real and rhythmic whole. We shall be able to communicate with one another instantly, irrespective of distance. Not only this, but through television and telephony we shall see and hear one another as perfectly as though we were face to face, despite intervening distances of thousands of miles; and the instruments through which we shall be able to do this will be amazingly simple compared with our present telephone. A man will be able to carry one in his vest pocket. We shall be able to witness and hear events—the inauguration of a President, the playing of a World Series game, the havoc of an earthquake or the terror of a battle—just as though we were present.
**&quot;When woman is boss&quot;, ''Colliers'', January 30, 1926

*But the female mind has demonstrated a capacity for all the mental acquirements and achievements of men, and as generations ensue that capacity will be expanded; the average woman will be as well educated as the average man, and then better educated, for the dormant faculties of her brain will be stimulated to an activity that will be all the more intense and powerful because of centuries of repose. Woman will ignore precedent and startle civilization with their progress.
**&quot;When woman is boss&quot;, ''Colliers'', January 30, 1926

* I have satisfied myself that the [cosmic] rays are not generated by the formation of new matter in space, a process which would be like water running up a hill. Nor do they come to any appreciable amount from the stars. According to my investigations the sun emits a radiation of such penetrative power that it is virtually impossible to absorb it in lead or other substances. ... This ray, which I call the primary solar ray, gives rise to a secondary radiation by impact against the cosmic dust scattered through space. It is the secondary radiation which now is commonly called the cosmic ray, and comes, of course, equally from all directions in space. [The article continues: The phenomena of radioactivity are not the result of forces within the radioactive substances but are caused by this ray emitted by the sun. If radium could be screened effectively against this ray it would cease to be radioactive, he said.] 
** Quoted in 'Tesla, 75, Predicts New Power Source', New York Times (5 Jul 1931), Section 2, 1. 

* Today's [[scientists]] have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality.
** &quot;Radio Power Will Revolutionize the World&quot; in ''Modern Mechanics and Inventions'' (July 1934)

* The scientists from [[Benjamin Franklin|Franklin]] to [[Samuel Morse|Morse]] were clear thinkers and did not produce erroneous theories. The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane.
** &quot;Radio Power Will Revolutionize the World&quot; in ''Modern Mechanics and Inventions'' (July 1934)

* Much has been said about [[Yugoslavia]] and its people, but many Americans may be under a wrong impression for political enemies and agitators have spread the idea that its inhabitants belong to different nations animated by mutual hate and held together against their will, by a tyrannical power. The fact is that all Yugoslavs — Serbians, Slavonians, Bosnians, Herzegovinians, Dalmations, Montenagrins, Croatians and Slovenes — are of the same race, speak the same language and have common national ideals and traditions. {{pb}} At the termination of the World War, [[w:Alexander I of Yugoslavia |Alexander]] brought about a [[political]] union creating a powerful and resourceful State. This was hailed with joy by all the Slavs of the Balkans, but it took time before the people found themselves in the new conditions. {{pb}} The Croatians and Slovenes were never in a position to fight for their independence. It was the Serbians who fought the battles for freedom and the price of liberty was paid in Serbian blood. All true Croatians and Slovenes remember that gratefully. They also know that the Serbians have an unequaled aptitude and experience in warfare and are best qualified to direct the forces of the country in a crisis. {{pb}} Ever since united Yugoslavia came into being through Alexander's efforts, political enemies have done all they could to disrupt it by sowing seeds of discord and disseminating malicious reports. … The death of the King has shaken the country to its very foundations, but the enemies who say that it means the disruption of Yugoslavia will hope in vain, for the noble blood of the great man has only served to cement its parts more firmly and strengthen the national structure. Alexander will live long in the memory of his people, a heroic figure of imposing stature, both the [[George Washington|Washington]] and [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] of the Yugoslavs; like Washington an able and intrepid general who freed his country from oppression; like Lincoln a wise and patriotic leader who suffered martyrdom.
** [[s:Tribute to King Alexander|Tribute to King Alexander]], to the editor of ''The New York Times'' (19 October 1934), also at [http://www.heroesofserbia.com/2012/10/tribute-to-king-alexander-by-nikola.html Heroes of Serbia]

* [[Einstein]]'s relativity work is a magnificent mathematical garb which fascinates, dazzles and makes people blind to the underlying errors. The theory is like a beggar clothed in purple whom ignorant people take for a king...[I]ts exponents are brilliant men but they are metaphysicists rather than scientists.
** In ''The New York Times'' (11 July 1935), p. 23, c. 8

=== The Problem of Increasing Human Energy (1900) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1900-06-00.htm &quot;The Problem of Increasing Human Energy with Special References to the Harnessing of the Sun's Energy&quot;] in [http://books.google.com/books?id=_XYAAAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PA175&amp;dq=%22humanity+as+a+whole,+and+before+applying+scientific+methods+to%22&amp;num=100&amp;ei=GpAFR4npDY6K7QLdhpCGDQ&amp;ie=ISO-8859-1 ''Century Illustrated Magazine'' (June 1900)]&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Tesla young.jpg|thumb|right|The [[individual]] is ephemeral, races and nations come and pass away, but [[Humanity|man]] remains.]]

* When we speak of man, we have a conception of humanity as a whole, and before applying scientific methods to the investigation of his movement we must accept this as a physical fact. But can anyone doubt to-day that all the millions of individuals and all the innumerable types and characters constitute an entity, a unit? Though free to think and act, we are held together, like the stars in the firmament, with ties inseparable. These ties cannot be seen, but we can feel them. I cut myself in the finger, and it pains me: this finger is a part of me. I see a friend hurt, and it hurts me, too: my friend and I are one. And now I see stricken down an enemy, a lump of matter which, of all the lumps of matter in the universe, I care least for, and it still grieves me. Does this not prove that each of us is only part of a whole? {{pb}} For ages this idea has been proclaimed in the consummately wise teachings of religion, probably not alone as a means of insuring peace and harmony among men, but as a deeply founded truth. The Buddhist expresses it in one way, the Christian in another, but both say the same: We are all one. Metaphysical proofs are, however, not the only ones which we are able to bring forth in support of this idea. Science, too, recognizes this connectedness of separate individuals, though not quite in the same sense as it admits that the suns, planets, and moons of a constellation are one body, and there can be no doubt that it will be experimentally confirmed in times to come, when our means and methods for investigating psychical and other states and phenomena shall have been brought to great perfection. Still more: this one human being lives on and on. The individual is ephemeral, races and nations come and pass away, but man remains. Therein lies the profound difference between the individual and the whole.

* For every person who perishes from the effects of a stimulant, at least a thousand die from the consequences of drinking impure water. This precious fluid, which daily infuses new life into us, is likewise the chief vehicle through which disease and death enter our bodies. The germs of destruction it conveys are enemies all the more terrible as they perform their fatal work unperceived. They seal our doom while we live and enjoy. The majority of people are so ignorant or careless in drinking water, and the consequences of this are so disastrous, that a philanthropist can scarcely use his efforts better than by endeavoring to enlighten those who are thus injuring themselves. By systematic purification and sterilization of the drinking water the human mass would be very considerably increased. It should be made a rigid rule which might be enforced by law to boil or to sterilize otherwise the drinking water in every household and public place. The mere filtering does not afford sufficient security against infection. All ice for internal uses should be artificially prepared from water thoroughly sterilized. The importance of eliminating germs of disease from the city water is generally recognized, but little is being done to improve the existing conditions, as no satisfactory method of sterilizing great quantities of water has yet been brought forward. By improved electrical appliances we are now enabled to produce ozone cheaply and in large amounts, and this ideal disinfectant seems to offer a happy solution of the important question.

* The production of artificial food as a means for causing an increase of the human mass naturally suggests itself, but a direct attempt of this kind to provide nourishment does not appear to me rational, at least not for the present. Whether we could thrive on such food is very doubtful. We are the result of ages of continuous adaptation, and we cannot radically change without unforeseen and, in all probability, disastrous consequences. So uncertain an experiment should not be tried. By far the best way, it seems to me, to meet the ravages of the evil, would be to find ways of increasing the productivity of the soil. With this object the preservation of forests is of an importance which cannot be overestimated, and in this connection, also, the utilization of water-power for purposes of electrical transmission, dispensing in many ways with the necessity of burning wood, and tending thereby to forest preservation, is to be strongly advocated. But there are limits in the improvement to be effected in this and similar ways. {{pb}} To increase materially the productivity of the soil, it must be more effectively fertilized by artificial means. The question of food-production resolves itself, then, into the question how best to fertilize the soil. What it is that made the soil is still a mystery. To explain its origin is probably equivalent to explaining the origin of life itself. The rocks, disintegrated by moisture and heat and wind and weather, were in themselves not capable of maintaining life. Some unexplained condition arose, and some new principle came into effect, and the first layer capable of sustaining low organisms, like mosses was formed. These, by their life and death, added more of the life sustaining quality to the soil, and higher organisms could then subsist, and so on and on, until at last highly developed plant and animal life could flourish. But though the theories are, even now, not in agreement as to how fertilization is effected, it is a fact, only too well ascertained, that the soil cannot indefinitely sustain life, and some way must be found to supply it with the substances which have been abstracted from it by the plants. The chief and most valuable among these substances are compounds of nitrogen, and the cheap production of these is, therefore, the key for the solution of the all-important food problem. Our atmosphere contains an inexhaustible amount of nitrogen, and could we but oxidize it and produce these compounds, an incalculable benefit for mankind would follow. {{pb}} Long ago this idea took a powerful hold on the imagination of scientific men, but an efficient means for accomplishing this result could not be devised. The problem was rendered extremely difficult by the extraordinary inertness of the nitrogen, which refuses to combine even with oxygen. But here electricity comes to our aid: the dormant affinities of the element are awakened by an electric current of the proper quality. As a lump of coal which has been in contact with oxygen for centuries without burning will combine with it when once ignited, so nitrogen, excited by electricity, will burn. I did not succeed, however, in producing electrical discharges exciting very effectively the atmospheric nitrogen until a comparatively recent date, although I showed, in May, 1891, in a scientific lecture, a novel form of discharge or electrical flame named &quot;St. Elmo's hotfire,&quot; which, besides being capable of generating ozone in abundance, also possessed, as I pointed out on that occasion, distinctly the quality of exciting chemical affinities. This discharge or flame was then only three or four inches long, its chemical action was likewise very feeble, and consequently the process of oxidation of nitrogen was wasteful. How to intensify this action was the question. Evidently electric currents of a peculiar kind had to be produced in order to render the process of nitrogen combustion more efficient.

* There can be no doubt that, of all the frictional resistances, the one that most retards human movement is ignorance. Not without reason said that man of wisdom, Buddha: &quot;Ignorance is the greatest evil in the world.&quot; The friction which results from ignorance, and which is greatly increased owing to the numerous languages and nationalities, can be reduced only by the spread of knowledge and the unification of the heterogeneous elements of humanity. No effort could be better spent. But however ignorance may have retarded the onward movement of man in times past, it is certain that, nowadays, negative forces have become of greater importance. Among these there is one of far greater moment than any other. It is called organized warfare. When we consider the millions of individuals, often the ablest in mind and body, the flower of humanity, who are compelled to a life of inactivity and unproductiveness, the immense sums of money daily required for the maintenance of armies and war apparatus, representing ever so much of human energy, all the effort uselessly spent in the production of arms and implements of destruction, the loss of life and the fostering of a barbarous spirit, we are appalled at the inestimable loss to mankind which the existence of these deplorable conditions must involve. What can we do to combat best this great evil?

* It has been argued that the perfection of guns of great destructive power will stop [[warfare]]. So I myself thought for a long time, but now I believe this to be a profound mistake. Such developments will greatly modify, but not arrest it. On the contrary, I think that every new arm that is invented, every new departure that is made in this direction, merely invites new talent and skill, engages new effort, offers new incentive, and so only gives a fresh impetus to further development. Think of the discovery of gun-powder. Can we conceive of any more radical departure than was effected by this innovation? Let us imagine ourselves living in that period: would we not have thought then that warfare was at an end, when the armor of the knight became an object of ridicule, when bodily strength and skill, meaning so much before, became of comparatively little value? Yet gunpowder did not stop warfare: quite the opposite it acted as a most powerful incentive.

* As regards the security of a country against foreign invasion, it is interesting to note that it depends only on the relative, and not the absolute, number of the individuals or magnitude of the forces, and that, if every country should reduce the war-force in the same ratio, the security would remain unaltered. An international agreement with the object of reducing to a minimum the war-force which, in view of the present still imperfect education of the masses, is absolutely indispensable, would, therefore, seem to be the first rational step to take toward diminishing the force retarding human movement.

* So we find that the three possible solutions of the great problem of increasing human energy are answered by the three words: food, peace, work. Many a year I have thought and pondered, lost myself in speculations and theories, considering man as a mass moved by a force, viewing his inexplicable movement in the light of a mechanical one, and applying the simple principles of mechanics to the analysis of the same until I arrived at these solutions, only to realize that they were taught to me in my early childhood. These three words sound the key-notes of the Christian religion. Their scientific meaning and purpose now clear to me: food to increase the mass, peace to diminish the retarding force, and work to increase the force accelerating human movement. These are the only three solutions which are possible of that great problem, and all of them have one object, one end, namely, to increase human energy. When we recognize this, we cannot help wondering how profoundly wise and scientific and how immensely practical the Christian religion is, and in what a marked contrast it stands in this respect to other religions. It is unmistakably the result of practical experiment and scientific observation which have extended through the ages, while other religions seem to be the outcome of merely abstract reasoning. Work, untiring effort, useful and accumulative, with periods of rest and recuperation aiming at higher efficiency, is its chief and ever-recurring command. Thus we are inspired both by Christianity and Science to do our utmost toward increasing the performance of mankind. This most important of human problems I shall now specifically consider.

* The ultimate results of development in these three directions are: first, the burning of coal by a cold process in a battery; second, the efficient utilization of the energy of the ambient medium; and, third the transmission without wires of electrical energy to any distance. In whatever way these results may be arrived at, their practical application will necessarily involve an extensive use of iron, and this invaluable metal will undoubtedly be an essential element in the further development along these three lines. If we succeed in burning coal by a cold process and thus obtain electrical energy in an efficient and inexpensive manner, we shall require in many practical uses of this energy electric motors that is, iron. If we are successful in deriving energy from the ambient medium, we shall need, both in the obtainment and utilization of the energy, machinery again, iron. If we realize the transmission of electrical energy without wires on an industrial scale, we shall be compelled to use extensively electric generators once more, iron. Whatever we may do, iron will probably be the chief means of accomplishment in the near future, possibly more so than in the past. How long its reign will last is difficult to tell, for even now aluminium is looming up as a threatening competitor. But for the time being, next to providing new resources of energy, it is of the greatest importance to making improvements in the manufacture and utilization of iron. Great advances are possible in these latter directions, which, if brought about, would enormously increase the useful performance of mankind. {{pb}} Iron is by far the most important factor in modern progress. It contributes more than any other industrial product to the force accelerating human movement. So general is the use of this metal, and so intimately is it connected with all that concerns our life, that it has become as indispensable to us as the very air we breathe. Its name is synonymous with usefulness. But, however great the influence of iron may be on the present human development, it does not add to the force urging man onward nearly as much as it might. First of all, its manufacture as now carried on is connected with an appalling waste of fuel that is, waste of energy. Then, again, only a part of all the iron produced is applied for useful purposes. A good part of it goes to create frictional resistances, while still another large part is the means of developing negative forces greatly retarding human movement. Thus the negative force of war is almost wholly represented in iron.

* Aluminium, however, will not stop at downing copper. Before many years have passed it will be engaged in a fierce struggle with iron, and in the latter it will find an adversary not easy to conquer. The issue of the contest will largely depend on whether iron shall be indispensable in electric machinery. This the future alone can decide. The magnetism as exhibited in iron is an isolated phenomenon in nature. What it is that makes this metal behave so radically different from all other materials in this respect has not yet been ascertained, though many theories have been suggested. As regards magnetism, the molecules of the various bodies behave like hollow beams partly filled with a heavy fluid and balanced in the middle in the manner of a see-saw. Evidently some disturbing influence exists in nature which causes each molecule, like such a beam, to tilt either one or the other way. If the molecules are tilted one way, the body is magnetic; if they are tilted the other way, the body is non-magnetic; but both positions are stable, as they would be in the case of the hollow beam, owing to the rush of the fluid to the lower end. Now, the wonderful thing is that the molecules of all known bodies went one way, while those of iron went the other way. This metal, it would seem, has an origin entirely different from that of the rest of the globe. It is highly improbable that we shall discover some other and cheaper material which will equal or surpass iron in magnetic qualities.

* A far better way, however, to obtain power would be to avail ourselves of the sun's rays, which beat the earth incessantly and supply energy at a maximum rate of over four million horsepower per square mile. Although the average energy received per square mile in any locality during the year is only a small fraction of that amount, yet an inexhaustible source of power would be opened up by the discovery of some efficient method of utilizing the energy of the rays. The only rational way known to me at the time when I began the study of this subject was to employ some kind of heat- or thermodynamic-engine, driven by a volatile fluid evaporate in a boiler by the heat of the rays. But closer investigation of this method, and calculation, showed that, notwithstanding the apparently vast amount of energy received from the sun's rays, only a small fraction of that energy could be actually utilized in this manner. Furthermore, the energy supplied through the sun's radiations is periodical, and the same limitations as in the use of the windmill I found to exist here also. After a long study of this mode of obtaining motive power from the sun, taking into account the necessarily large bulk of the boiler, the low efficiency of the heat-engine, the additional cost of storing the energy and other drawbacks, I came to the conclusion that the &quot;solar engine,&quot; a few instances excepted, could not be industrially exploited with success. {{pb}} Another way of getting motive power from the medium without consuming any material would be to utilize the heat contained in the earth, the water, or the air for driving an engine. It is a well-known fact that the interior portions of the globe are very hot, the temperature rising, as observations show, with the approach to the center at the rate of approximately 1 degree C. for every hundred feet of depth. The difficulties of sinking shafts and placing boilers at depths of, say, twelve thousand feet, corresponding to an increase in temperature of about 120 degrees C., are not insuperable, and we could certainly avail ourselves in this way of the internal heat of the globe. In fact, it would not be necessary to go to any depth at all in order to derive energy from the stored terrestrial heat. The superficial layers of the earth and the air strata close to the same are at a temperature sufficiently high to evaporate some extremely volatile substances, which we might use in our boilers instead of water. There is no doubt that a vessel might be propelled on the ocean by an engine driven by such a volatile fluid, no other energy being used but the heat abstracted from the water. But the amount of power which could be obtained in this manner would be, without further provision, very small. {{pb}} Electricity produced by natural causes is another source of energy which might be rendered available. Lightning discharges involve great amounts of electrical energy, which we could utilize by transforming and storing it. Some years ago I made known a method of electrical transformation which renders the first part of this task easy, but the storing of the energy of lightning discharges will be difficult to accomplish. It is well known, furthermore, that electric currents circulate constantly through the earth, and that there exists between the earth and any air stratum a difference of electrical pressure, which varies in proportion to the height.

* When I advanced this system of telegraphy, my mind was dominated by the idea of effecting communication to any distance through the earth or environing medium, the practical consummation of which I considered of transcendent importance, chiefly on account of the moral effect which it could not fail to produce universally. As the first effort to this end I proposed at that time, to employ relay-stations with tuned circuits, in the hope of making thus practicable signaling over vast distances, even with apparatus of very moderate power then at my command. I was confident, however, that with properly designed machinery signals could be transmitted to any point of the globe, no matter what the distance, without the necessity of using such intermediate stations. I gained this conviction through the discovery of a singular electrical phenomenon, which I described early in 1892, in lectures I delivered before some scientific societies abroad, and which I have called a &quot;rotating brush.&quot; This is a bundle of light which is formed, under certain conditions, in a vacuum-bulb, and which is of a sensitiveness to magnetic and electric influences bordering, so to speak, on the supernatural. This light-bundle is rapidly rotated by the earth's magnetism as many as twenty thousand times pre second, the rotation in these parts being opposite to what it would be in the southern hemisphere, while in the region of the magnetic equator it should not rotate at all. In its most sensitive state, which is difficult to obtain, it is responsive to electric or magnetic influences to an incredible degree. The mere stiffening of the muscles of the arm and consequent slight electrical change in the body of an observer standing at some distance from it, will perceptibly affect it. When in this highly sensitive state it is capable of indicating the slightest magnetic and electric changes taking place in the earth. The observation of this wonderful phenomenon impressed me strongly that communication at any distance could be easily effected by its means, provided that apparatus could be perfected capable of producing an electric or magnetic change of state, however small, in the terrestrial globe or environing medium.

* Another of these reasons was that I was led to recognize the transmission of electrical energy to any distance through the media as by far the best solution of the great problem of harnessing the sun's energy for the uses of man. For a long time I was convinced that such a transmission on an industrial scale, could never be realized, but a discovery which I made changed my view. I observed that under certain conditions the atmosphere, which is normally a high insulator, assumes conducting properties, and so becomes capable of conveying any amount of electrical energy. But the difficulties in the way of a practical utilization of this discovery for the purpose of transmitting electrical energy without wires were seemingly insuperable. Electrical pressures of many millions of volts had to be produced and handled; generating apparatus of a novel kind, capable of withstanding the immense electrical stresses, had to be invented and perfected, and a complete safety against the dangers of the high-tension currents had to be attained in the system before its practical introduction could be even thought of. All this could not be done in a few weeks or months, or even years. The work required patience and constant application, but the improvements came, though slowly. Other valuable results were, however, arrived at in the course of this long-continued work, of which I shall endeavor to give a brief account, enumerating the chief advances as they were successively effected. {{pb}} The discovery of the conducting properties of the air, though unexpected, was only a natural result of experiments in a special field which I had carried on for some years before. It was, I believe, during 1889 that certain possibilities offered by extremely rapid electrical oscillations determined me to design a number of special machines adapted for their investigation. Owing to the peculiar requirements, the construction of these machines was very difficult, and consumed much time and effort; but my work on them was generously rewarded, for I reached by their means several novel and important results. One of the earliest observations I made with these new machines was that electrical oscillations of an extremely high rate act in an extraordinary manner upon the human organism. Thus, for instance, I demonstrated that powerful electrical discharges of several hundred thousand volts, which at that time were considered absolutely deadly, could be passed through the body without inconvenience or hurtful consequences. These oscillations produced other specific physiological effects, which, upon my announcement, were eagerly taken up by skilled physicians and further investigated. This new field has proved itself fruitful beyond expectation, and in the few years which have passed since, it has been developed to such an extent that it now forms a legitimate and important department of medical science. Many results, thought impossible at that time, are now readily obtainable with these oscillations, and many experiments undreamed of then can now be readily performed by their means. I still remember with pleasure how, nine years ago, I passed the discharge of a powerful induction-coil through my body to demonstrate before a scientific society the comparative harmlessness of very rapidly vibrating electric currents, and I can still recall the astonishment of my audience. I would now undertake, with much less apprehension that I had in that experiment, to transmit through my body with such currents the entire electrical energy of the dynamos now working at Niagara forty or fifty thousand horse-power. I have produced electrical oscillations which were of such intensity that when circulating through my arms and chest they have melted wires which joined my hands, and still I felt no inconvenience. I have energized with such oscillations a loop of heavy copper wire so powerfully that masses of metal, and even objects of an electrical resistance specifically greater than that of human tissue brought close to or placed within the loop, were heated to a high temperature and melted, often with the violence of an explosion, and yet into this very space in which this terribly-destructive turmoil was going on I have repeatedly thrust my head without feeling anything or experiencing injurious after-effects. {{pb}} Another observation was that by means of such oscillations light could be produced in a novel and more economical manner, which promised to lead to an ideal system of electric illumination by vacuum-tubes, dispensing with the necessity of renewal of lamps or incandescent filaments, and possibly also with the use of wires in the interior of buildings. The efficiency of this light increases in proportion to the rate of the oscillations, and its commercial success is, therefore, dependent on the economical production of electrical vibrations of transcending rates. In this direction I have met with gratifying success of late, and the practical introduction of this new system of illumination is not far off. {{pb}} The investigations led to many other valuable observations and results, one of the more important of which was the demonstration of the practicability of supplying electrical energy through one wire without return. At first I was able to transmit in this novel manner only very small amounts of electrical energy, but in this line also my efforts have been rewarded with similar success.

* The photograph shown in Fig. 3 illustrates, as its title explains, an actual transmission of this kind effected with apparatus used in other experiments here described. To what a degree the appliances have been perfected since my first demonstrations early in 1891 before a scientific society, when my apparatus was barely capable of lighting one lamp (which result was considered wonderful), will appear when I state that I have now no difficulty in lighting in this manner four or five hundred lamps, and could light many more. In fact, there is no limit to the amount of energy which may in this way be supplied to operate any kind of electrical device.

* After demonstrating the practicability of this method of transmission, the thought naturally occurred to me to use the earth as a conductor, thus dispensing with all wires. Whatever electricity may be, it is a fact that it behaves like an incompressible fluid, and the earth may be looked upon as an immense reservoir of electricity, which, I thought, could be disturbed effectively by a properly designed electrical machine. Accordingly, my next efforts were directed toward perfecting a special apparatus which would be highly effective in creating a disturbance of electricity in the earth.

* However extraordinary the results shown may appear, they are but trifling compared with those which are attainable by apparatus designed on these same principles. I have produced electrical discharges the actual path of which, from end to end, was probably more than one hundred feet long; but it would not be difficult to reach lengths one hundred times as great. I have produced electrical movements occurring at the rate of approximately one hundred thousand horse-power, but rates of one, five, or ten million horse-power are easily practicable. In these experiments effects were developed incomparably greater than any ever produced by human agencies, and yet these results are but an embryo of what is to be.

* That communication without wires to any point of the globe is practicable with such apparatus would need no demonstration, but through a discovery which I made I obtained absolute certitude. Popularly explained, it is exactly this: When we raise the voice and hear an echo in reply, we know that the sound of the voice must have reached a distant wall, or boundary, and must have been reflected from the same. Exactly as the sound, so an electrical wave is reflected, and the same evidence which is afforded by an echo is offered by an electrical phenomenon known as a &quot;stationary&quot; wave that is, a wave with fixed nodal and ventral regions. Instead of sending sound-vibrations toward a distant wall, I have sent electrical vibrations toward the remote boundaries of the earth, and instead of the wall the earth has replied. In place of an echo I have obtained a stationary electrical wave, a wave reflected from afar. {{pb}} Stationary waves in the earth mean something more than mere telegraphy without wires to any distance. They will enable us to attain many important specific results impossible otherwise. For instance, by their use we may produce at will, from a sending-station, an electrical effect in any particular region of the globe; we may determine the relative position or course of a moving object, such as a vessel at sea, the distance traversed by the same, or its speed; or we may send over the earth a wave of electricity traveling at any rate we desire, from the pace of a turtle up to lightning speed. {{pb}} With these developments we have every reason to anticipate that in a time not very distant most telegraphic messages across the oceans will be transmitted without cables. For short distances we need a &quot;wireless&quot; telephone, which requires no expert operators. The greater the spaces to be bridged, the more rational becomes communication without wires. The cable is not only an easily damaged and costly instrument, but it limits us in the speed of transmission by reason of a certain electrical property inseparable from its construction. A properly designed plant for effecting communication without wires ought to have many times the working capacity of a cable, while it will involve incomparably less expense. Not a long time will pass, I believe, before communication by cable will become obsolete, for not only will signaling by this new method be quicker and cheaper, but also much safer. By using some new means for isolating the messages which I have contrived, an almost perfect privacy can be secured. {{pb}} I have observed the above effects so far only up to a limited distance of about six hundred miles, but inasmuch as there is virtually no limit to the power of the vibrations producible with such an oscillator, I feel quite confident of the success of such a plant for effecting transoceanic communication. Nor is this all. My measurements and calculations have shown that it is perfectly practicable to produce on our globe, by the use of these principles, an electrical movement of such magnitude that, without the slightest doubt, its effect will be perceptible on some of our nearer planets, as Venus and Mars. Thus from mere possibility interplanetary communication has entered the stage of probability. In fact, that we can produce a distinct effect on one of these planets in this novel manner, namely, by disturbing the electrical condition of the earth, is beyond any doubt. This way of effecting such communication is, however, essentially different from all others which have so far been proposed by scientific men. In all the previous instances only a minute fraction of the total energy reaching the planet—as much as it would be possible to concentrate in a reflector could be utilized by the supposed observer in his instrument. But by the means I have developed he would be enabled to concentrate the larger portion of the entire energy transmitted to the planet in his instrument, and the chances of affecting the latter are thereby increased many millionfold. {{pb}} Besides machinery for producing vibrations of the required power, we must have delicate means capable of revealing the effects of feeble influences exerted upon the earth. For such purposes, too, I have perfected new methods. By their use we shall likewise be able, among other things, to detect at considerable distance the presence of an iceberg or other object at sea. By their use, also, I have discovered some terrestrial phenomena still unexplained. That we can send a message to a planet is certain, that we can get an answer is probable: man is not the only being in the Infinite gifted with a mind.

* While I have not, as yet, actually effected a transmission of a considerable amount of energy, such as would be of industrial importance, to a great distance by this new method, I have operated several model plants under exactly the same conditions which will exist in a large plant of this kind, and the practicability of the system is thoroughly demonstrated. The experiments have shown conclusively that, with two terminals maintained at an elevation of not more than thirty thousand to thirty-five thousand feet above sea-level, and with an electrical pressure of fifteen to twenty million volts, the energy of thousands of horse-power can be transmitted over distances which may be hundreds and, if necessary, thousands of miles. I am hopeful, however, that I may be able to reduce very considerably the elevation of the terminals now required, and with this object I am following up an idea which promises such a realization. There is, of course, a popular prejudice against using an electrical pressure of millions of volts, which may cause sparks to fly at distances of hundreds of feet, but, paradoxical as it may seem, the system, as I have described it in a technical publication, offers greater personal safety than most of the ordinary distribution circuits now used in the cities. This is, in a measure, borne out by the fact that, although I have carried on such experiments for a number of years, no injury has been sustained either by me or any of my assistants.

* It is probable that we shall soon have a self-acting heat-engine capable of deriving moderate amounts of energy from the ambient medium. There is also a possibility—though a small oneï—that we may obtain electrical energy direct from the sun. This might be the case if the Maxwellian theory is true, according to which electrical vibrations of all rates should emanate from the sun. I am still investigating this subject. Sir William Crookes has shown in his beautiful invention known as the &quot;radiometer&quot; that rays may produce by impact a mechanical effect, and this may lead to some important revelation as to the utilization of the sun's rays in novel ways. Other sources of energy may be opened up, and new methods of deriving energy from the sun discovered, but none of these or similar achievements would equal in importance the transmission of power to any distance through the medium. I can conceive of no technical advance which would tend to unite the various elements of humanity more effectively than this one, or of one which would more add to and more economize human energy. It would be the best means of increasing the force accelerating the human mass. The mere moral influence of such a radical departure would be incalculable. On the other hand if at any point of the globe energy can be obtained in limited quantities from the ambient medium by means of a self-acting heat-engine or otherwise, the conditions will remain the same as before. Human performance will be increased, but men will remain strangers as they were.

=== A Means for Furthering Peace (1905) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1905-01-07.htm &quot;The Transmission of Electrical Energy Without Wires as a Means for Furthering Peace&quot;] in ''Electrical World and Engineer'' (7 January 1905) &lt;!-- pp. 21–24 --&gt;&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:2003-32-GravitationalLens.jpg|thumb|We begin to [[think]] cosmically.]]

* Universal [[Peace]], assuming it to be in the fullest sense realizable, might not require eons for its accomplishment, however probable this may appear, judging from the imperceptibly slow growth of all great reformatory ideas of the past. ... Our accepted estimates of the duration of natural metamorphoses, or changes in general, have been thrown in doubt of late. The very foundations of science have been shaken.

* A state of human life vaguely defined by the term &quot;Universal Peace,&quot; while a result of cumulative effort through centuries past, might come into existence ''quickly'', not unlike a crystal suddenly forms in a solution which has been slowly prepared. But just as no effect can precede its cause, so this state can never be ''brought'' on by any pact between nations, however solemn. Experience is made before the law is formulated, both are related like cause and effect. So long as we are clearly conscious of the expectation, that peace is to result from such a parliamentary decision, so long have we a conclusive evidence that we are not fit for peace. Only then when we shall feel that such international meetings are mere formal procedures, unnecessary except in so far as they might serve to give definite expression to a common desire, will peace be assured.{{pb}}To judge from current events we must be, as yet, very distant from that blissful goal. It is true that we are proceeding towards it rapidly. There are abundant signs of this progress everywhere. The race enmities and prejudices are decidedly waning.

* We begin to think cosmically. Our sympathetic feelers reach out into the dim distance. The bacteria of the &quot;[[w:Weltschmerz|Weltschmerz]],&quot; are upon us. So far, however, universal harmony has been attained only in a single sphere of international relationship. That is the postal service. Its mechanism is working satisfactorily, but — how remote are we still from that scrupulous respect of the sanctity of the mail bag! And how much farther again is the next milestone on the road to peace — an international judicial service equally reliable as the postal!

* General disarmament being for the present entirely out of question, a proportionate reduction might be recommended. The safety of any country and of the world's commerce depending not on the absolute, but relative amount of war material, this would be evidently the first reasonable step to take towards universal economy and peace. But it would be a hopeless task to establish an equitable basis of adjustment. Population, naval strength, force of army, commercial importance, water-power, or any other natural resource, actual or prospective, are equally unsatisfactory standards to consider.

* To conquer by sheer force is becoming harder and harder every day. Defensive is getting continuously the advantage of offensive, as we progress in the satanic science of destruction. The new art of controlling electrically the movements and operations of individualized automata at a distance without wires, will soon enable any country to render its coasts impregnable against all naval attacks.

* The distance at which it can strike, and the destructive power of such a ''quasi-intelligent'' machine being for all practical purposes unlimited, the gun, the armor of the battleship and the wall of the fortress, lose their import and significance. One can prophesy with a Daniel's confidence that skilled electricians will settle the battles of the near future. But this is the least. In its effect upon war and peace, electricity offers still much greater and more wonderful possibilities. To stop war by the perfection of engines of destruction alone, might consume centuries and centuries. Other means must be employed to hasten the end.

* Fights between individuals, as well as governments and nations, invariably result from misunderstandings in the broadest interpretation of this term. Misunderstandings are always caused by the inability of appreciating one another's point of view. This again is due to the ignorance of those concerned, not so much in their ''own'', as in their ''mutual'' fields. The peril of a clash is aggravated by a more or less predominant sense of combativeness, posed by every human being. To resist this inherent fighting tendency the best way is to dispel ignorance of the doings of others by a systematic spread of general knowledge. With this object in view, it is most important to aid exchange of thought and intercourse.

[[File:CL0024+17.jpg|thumb|right|Our senses enable us to perceive only a minute portion of the outside world.]]

* Mutual understanding would be immensely facilitated by the use of one universal tongue. But which shall it be, is the great question. At present it looks as if the English might be adopted as such, though it must be admitted that it is not the most suitable. Each language, of course, excels in some feature.... A practical answer to that momentous question must perforce be found in times to come, for it is manifest that by adopting one common language the onward march of man would be prodigiously quickened. I do not believe that an artificial concoction, like Volapuk, will ever find universal acceptance, however time-saving it might be. That would be contrary to human nature. Languages have grown into our hearts.

*The gift of mental power comes from God divine being and if we concentrate our my minds on that truth we become in tune with this great power, my Mother had taught me to seek all truths in the bible.

* Our senses enable us to perceive only a minute portion of the outside world. Our hearing extends to a small distance. Our sight is impeded by intervening bodies and shadows. To know each other we must reach beyond the sphere of our sense perceptions. We must transmit our intelligence, travel, transport the materials and transfer the energies necessary for our existence. Following this thought we now realize, forcibly enough to dispense with argument, that of all other conquests of man, without exception, that which is most desirable, which would be most helpful in the establishment of universal peaceful relations is — the complete ''{{smallcaps|annihilation of distance}}''. {{pb}} To achieve this wonder, electricity is the one and only means. Inestimable good has already been done by the use of this all powerful agent, the nature of which is still a mystery. Our astonishment at what has been accomplished would be uncontrollable were it not held in check by the expectation of greater miracles to come. That one, the greatest of all, can be viewed in three aspects: ''Dissemination of intelligence, transportation, and transmission of power.''

[[File:SourTyre FemaleLebaneseProtestor-MobilePhone RomanDeckert22102019.jpg|thumb|Within a few years a simple and inexpensive device, readily carried about, will enable one to receive on land or sea the principal news, to hear a speech, a lecture, a song or play of a musical instrument, conveyed from any other region of the globe.]]

* Within a few years a simple and inexpensive device, readily carried about, will enable one to receive on land or sea the principal news, to hear a speech, a lecture, a song or play of a musical instrument, conveyed from any other region of the globe. The invention will also meet the crying need for cheap transmission to great distances, more especially over the oceans. The small working capacity of the cables and the excessive cost of messages are now fatal impediments in the dissemination of intelligence which can only be removed by transmission without wires.

* The ideal solution of the problem of transportation will be arrived at only when the complete annihilation of distance in the transmission of power in large amounts shall have become a commercial reality. That day we shall invade the domain of the bird. When the vexing problem of aerial navigation, which has defied his attempts for ages, is solved, man will advance with giant strides.

* That electrical energy can be economically transmitted without wires to any terrestrial distance, I have unmistakably established in numerous observations, experiments and measurements, qualitative and quantitative. These have demonstrated that is practicable to distribute power from a central plant in unlimited amounts, with a loss not exceeding ''a small fraction of one per cent'', in the transmission, even to the greatest distance, twelve thousand miles — to the opposite end of the globe.

[[File:Lightning simulator questacon05.jpg|thumb|right|Whatever the [[future]] may bring, the universal application of these great principles is fully assured, though it may be long in coming.]]

* I have obtained... spark discharges extending through more than one hundred feet and carrying currents of one thousand amperes, electromotive forces approximating twenty million volts, chemically active streamers covering areas of several thousand square feet, and electrical disturbances in the natural media ''surpassing'' those caused by lightning, in intensity. {{pb}} Whatever the future may bring, the universal application of these great principles is fully assured, though it may be long in coming. With the opening of the first power plant, incredulity will give way to wonderment, and this to ingratitude, as ever before.

* It should be borne in mind that electrical energy obtained by harnessing a waterfall is probably fifty times more effective than fuel energy. Since this is the most perfect way of rendering the sun's energy available, the direction of the future material development of man is clearly indicated.

* Electric current, after passing into the earth travels to the diametrically opposite region of the same and rebounding from there, returns to its point of departure with virtually undiminished force. The outgoing and returning currents clash and form nodes and loops similar to those observable on a vibrating cord. To traverse the entire distance of about twenty-five thousand miles, equal to the circumference of the globe, the current requires a certain time interval, which I have approximately ascertained. In yielding this knowledge, nature has revealed one of its most precious secrets, of inestimable consequence to man. So astounding are the facts in this connection, that it would seem as though the Creator, himself, had electrically designed this planet just for the purpose of enabling us to achieve wonders which, before my discovery, could not have been conceived by the wildest imagination.

[[File:Nikola Tesla by Sarony c1898.jpg|thumb|All that was great in the past was ridiculed, condemned, combated, suppressed — only to emerge all the more powerfully, all the more triumphantly from the struggle.]]

* The economic transmission of power without wires is of all-surpassing importance to man. By its means he will gain complete mastery of the air, the sea and the desert. It will enable him to dispense with the necessity of mining, pumping, transporting and burning fuel, and so do away with innumerable causes of sinful waste. By its means, he will obtain at any place and in any desired amount, the energy of remote waterfalls — to drive his machinery, to construct his canals, tunnels and highways, to manufacture the materials of his want, his clothing and food, to heat and light his home — year in, year out, ever and ever, by day and by night. It will make the living glorious sun his obedient, toiling slave. It will bring peace and harmony on earth.

* It is not a [[dream]], it is a ''simple feat of scientific [[electrical engineering]]'', only expensive — blind, faint-hearted, doubting world! ... Humanity is not yet sufficiently advanced to be willingly led by the discover's keen searching sense. But who knows? Perhaps it is better in this present world of ours that a revolutionary idea or invention instead of being helped and patted, be hampered and ill-treated in its adolescence — by want of means, by selfish interest, pedantry, stupidity and ignorance; that it be attacked and stifled; that it pass through bitter trials and tribulations, through the heartless strife of commercial existence. So do we get our light. So all that was great in the past was ridiculed, condemned, combated, suppressed — only to emerge all the more powerfully, all the more triumphantly from the struggle.

=== Man's Greatest Achievement (1908; 1930) ===

;Version 1. From a letter (dated 19 April 1908) in ''The New York Times'' (21 April 1908) [http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1908-04-21.htm]

[[File:Twain_in_Tesla_Lab.jpg|thumb|right|What has the [[future]] in store for this strange being, born of a breath, of perishable tissue, yet [[Immortal]], with his powers fearful and Divine?]]

* According to an adopted theory, every ponderable atom is differentiated from a tenuous fluid, filling all space merely by spinning motion, as a whirl of water in a calm lake. By being set in movement this fluid, the ether, becomes gross matter. Its movement arrested, the primary substance reverts to its normal state. It appears, then, possible for man through harnessed energy of the medium and suitable agencies for starting and stopping ether whirls to cause matter to form and disappear. At his command, almost without effort on his part, old worlds would vanish and new ones would spring into being. He could alter the size of this planet, control its seasons, adjust its distance from the sun, guide it on its eternal journey along any path he might choose, through the depths of the universe. He could make planets collide and produce his suns and stars, his heat and light; he could originate life in all its infinite forms. '''To cause at will the birth and death of matter would be man's grandest deed, which would give him the mastery of physical creation, make him fulfill his ultimate destiny.'''

;Version 2. &quot;Man's Greatest Achievement&quot;, ''New York American'' (6 July 1930) [http://www.tesla-coil-builder.com/Articles/july_6_1930.htm]

* When a child is born its sense-organs are brought in contact with the outer world. The waves of sound, heat, and light beat upon its feeble body, its sensitive nerve-fibres quiver, the muscles contract and relax in obedience: a gasp, a breath, and in this act a marvelous little engine, of inconceivable delicacy and complexity of construction, unlike any on earth, is hitched to the wheel-work of the Universe.

* The little engine labors and grows, performs more and more involved operations, becomes sensitive to ever subtler influences and now there manifests itself in the fully developed being — ''Man'' — a desire mysterious, inscrutable and irresistible: to imitate nature, to create, to work himself the wonders he perceives. {{pb}} Inspired to this task he searches, discovers and invents, designs and constructs, and covers with monuments of beauty, grandeur and awe, the star of his birth. He descends into the bowels of the globe to bring forth its hidden treasures and to unlock its immense imprisoned energies for his use. He invades the dark depths of the ocean and the azure regions of the sky. He peers in the innermost nooks and recesses of molecular structure and lays bare to his gaze worlds infinitely remote. He subdues and puts to his service the fierce, devastating spark of [[w:Prometheus|Prometheus]], the titanic forces of the waterfall, the wind and the tide. He tames the thundering bolt of Jove and annihilates time and space. He makes the great Sun itself his obedient toiling slave. Such is his power and might that the heavens reverberate and the whole earth trembles by the mere sound of his voice.

* What has the future in store for this strange being, born of a breath, of perishable tissue, yet Immortal, with his powers fearful and Divine? What magic will be wrought by him in the end? What is to be his greatest deed, his crowning achievement? {{pb}} Long ago he recognized that all perceptible matter comes from a primary substance, or a tenuity beyond conception, filling all space, the Akasha or luminiferous ether, which is acted upon by the life-giving Prana or Creative Force, calling into existence, in never ending cycles, all things and phenomena. The primary substance, thrown into infinitesimal whirls of prodigious velocity, becomes gross matter; the force subsiding, the motion ceases and matter disappears, reverting to the primary substance. {{pb}} Can man control this grandest, most awe-inspiring of all processes in nature? Can he harness her inexhaustible energies to perform all their functions at his bidding? more still cause them to operate simply by the force of his will? {{pb}} If he could do this, he would have powers almost unlimited and supernatural. At his command, with but a slight effort on his part, old worlds would disappear and new ones of his planning would spring into being. He could fix, solidify and preserve the ethereal shapes of his imagining, the fleeting visions of his dreams. He could express all the creations of his mind on any scale, in forms concrete and imperishable. He could alter the size of this planet, control its seasons, guide it along any path he might choose through the depths of the Universe. He could cause planets to collide and produce his suns and stars, his heat and light. He could originate and develop life in all its infinite forms.

* To create and to annihilate material substance, cause it to aggregate in forms according to his desire, would be the supreme manifestation of the power of Man's mind, his most complete triumph over the physical world, his crowning achievement, which would place him beside his Creator, make him fulfill his Ultimate Destiny.

=== Mr. Tesla Explains Why He Will Never Marry (1924) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://anengineersaspect.blogspot.it/2011/07/nikola-tesla-mr-tesla-explains-why-he.html &quot;An Engineer's Aspect&quot;] in Galveston Daily August 10, 1924&lt;/small&gt;

* This growing tendency of women to overshadow the masculine is a sign of a deteriorating civilization.

* Woman's determined competition with man in the business world is breaking down some of the best traditions

* Perhaps the male in human society is useless. I am frank to admit that I don't know. If women are beginning to feel this way about it--and there is striking evidence at hand that they do--then we are entering upon the cruelest period of the world's history.

* The tendency of women to push aside man, supplanting the old spirit of cooperation with him in all the affairs of life, is very disappointing to me.

=== A Machine to End War (1937) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.pbs.org/tesla/res/res_art11.html &quot;Machine to End War by Nikola Tesla as told to George Sylvester Viereck&quot;] in ''Liberty'' (February 1937)&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Observable Universe with Measurements 01.png|thumb|right|To me, the [[universe]] is simply a great [[machine]] which never came into being and never will end. The human being is no exception to the natural order. Man, like the universe, is a machine. Nothing enters our minds or determines our actions which is not directly or indirectly a response to stimuli beating upon our sense organs from without.]]

* While I am not a believer in the orthodox sense, I commend religion, first, because every individual should have some ideal — religious, artistic, scientific, or humanitarian — to give significance to his life. Second, because all the great religions contain wise prescriptions relating to the conduct of life, which hold good now as they did when they were promulgated.

* There is no conflict between the ideal of religion and the ideal of science, but science is opposed to theological dogmas because science is founded on fact. To me, the universe is simply a great machine which never came into being and never will end. The human being is no exception to the natural order. Man, like the universe, is a machine. Nothing enters our minds or determines our actions which is not directly or indirectly a response to stimuli beating upon our sense organs from without. Owing to the similarity of our construction and the sameness of our environment, we respond in like manner to similar stimuli, and from the concordance of our reactions, understanding is born. In the course of ages, mechanisms of infinite complexity are developed, but what we call &quot;soul &quot; or &quot;spirit,&quot; is nothing more than the sum of the functionings of the body. When this functioning ceases, the &quot;soul&quot; or the &quot;spirit&quot; ceases likewise.

* The year 2100 will see [[eugenics]] universally established. In past ages, the law governing the survival of the fittest roughly weeded out the less desirable strains. Then man's new sense of pity began to interfere with the ruthless workings of nature. As a result, we continue to keep alive and to breed the unfit. The only method compatible with our notions of civilization and the race is to prevent the breeding of the unfit by sterilization and the deliberate guidance of the mating instinct, Several European countries and a number of states of the American Union sterilize the criminal and the insane. This is not sufficient. The trend of opinion among eugenists is that we must make marriage more difficult. Certainly no one who is not a desirable parent should be permitted to produce progeny. A century from now it will no more occur to a normal person to mate with a person eugenically unfit than to marry a habitual criminal. 

== Attributed ==

* [[Guglielmo Marconi|Marconi]] is a good fellow. Let him continue. He is using seventeen of my patents.
** On being informed that Marconi was transmitting wireless messages across the Atlantic Ocean, as quoted in [http://www.pbs.org/tesla/ll/ll_whoradio.html &quot;Who Invented Radio?&quot;], PBS.org; also in Daniel Blair Stewart, ''Tesla: The Modern Sorcerer'' (1999), p. 371

* I do not think there is any thrill that can go through the human heart like that felt by the inventor as he sees some creation of the brain unfolding to [[success]]...Such emotions make a man forget food, sleep, friends, love, everything.
** Quoted in ''Marconi and Tesla: Pioneers of Radio Communication'' (2008) by Tim O'Shei, &lt;!-- Touchstone --&gt;&lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|159845076X}} &lt;/small&gt;, p. 5

* Never trust a Jew!
** See Margaret Cheney, ''[https://books.google.com.br/books?id=HIuK7iLO9zgC&amp;pg=PA165 Tesla: Man Out of Time]'' (Touchstone, 2001 [1981]), p. 165

{{Disputed begin}}

== Disputed ==

* '''If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.''' '''My brain is only a receiver, in the Universe there is a core from which we obtain knowledge, strength and inspiration. I have not penetrated into the secrets of this core, but I know that it exists.'''
** Quoted by Ralph Bergstresser, who claimed to have heard this from Tesla in person. [https://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/ciencia/esp_ciencia_universalenergy02.htm &quot;Coments From The Inventor of the Purple Harmony Plates&quot;], bibliotecapleyades.net (n.d.)

{{Disputed end}}

== Quotes about Tesla ==

[[File:Lightning storm over Boston - NOAA.jpg|thumb|right|He'll be a child of the [[storm]].]]
[[File:Tesla-Nijagara.JPG|thumb|right|The world, I think, will wait a long time for Nikola Tesla's equal in achievement and imagination. ~ [[Edwin Howard Armstrong]] ]]
[[File:Statue of Nikola Tesla in Niagara Falls State Park.jpg|thumb|right|He did dream and his dreams came true, he did have visions but they were of a real future, not an imaginary one. ~ [[w:John Stone Stone|John Stone Stone]] ]]
[[File:Photo statue nikola-tesla 01.jpg|thumb|right|What we at one time were inclined, through a species of intellectual myopia, to regard as the fascinating but fantastical speculations of a man whom we are now compelled, in the light of modern experience and knowledge, to admit was a [[prophet]]. ~ [[w:John Stone Stone|J. S. Stone]] ]]
[[File:Urn with Teslas ashes.jpg |thumb|right|Tesla was no mere lecturer and [[prophet]]. He saw to the fulfillment of his prophesies. ~ [[w:John Stone Stone|J. S. Stone]] ]]

* He'll be a child of the [[storm]].
** Comment by the midwife who assisted his birth, &quot;at the stroke of midnight&quot; while lightning was striking during a thunderstorm. His mother replied, &quot;No, of light.&quot; [http://www.teslauniverse.com/nikola-tesla-timeline-1856-birth-of-tesla &quot;Nikola Tesla Timeline&quot;], ''teslauniverse.com'' (n.d.)

* We think of his contribution much oftener than that of [[w:Ampere|Ampere]] and [[w:Ohm|Ohm]] … the [[w:induction motor|induction motor]] and our [[w:power system|power system]] are enduring monuments to Nikola Tesla. 
** Dr. [[w:Ernst Alexanderson|E. F. W. Alexanderson]]{{source}}

* '''The world, I think, will wait a long time for Nikola Tesla's equal in achievement and imagination.'''
** [[Edwin Howard Armstrong|Edwin Howard Armstrong]], as quoted in the [http://www.teslasociety.com/tmuseum.htm The Tesla Museum exhibition in Belgrade, and by the Tesla Memorial Society of New York]

* Nikola Tesla is proof that real greatness surpasses national borders and differences.
** [[George W. Bush]] in a message to [[w:Stjepan Mesić|Stjepan Mesić]], quoted in [http://newgeneration.croatianherald.com/EXCLUSIVE/tabid/95/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/982/Nikola-Teslas-anniversary-and-ancestry.aspx &quot;Nikola Tesla's anniversary and ancestry&quot; in ''The New Generation'' (24 December 2006)]

* '''Tesla is entitled to the enduring gratitude of mankind.'''
** [[w:Arthur Compton|Arthur Compton]]{{source}}

* As an eminent pioneer in the realm of high frequency currents... I congratulate you on the great successes of your life's work.
** [[Albert Einstein]] in a [http://www.teslasociety.com/einsteinletter.jpg letter to Tesla] for his 75th birthday (1931)

* Tesla has done great things that will take the rest of us a long time to fully exploit. Lets just hope we exploit them for the right reasons! 
** [[w:Kevin R. Hutson|Kevin R. Hutson]]{{source}}

* Nikola Tesla is the true unsung prophet of the electronic age; without whom our radio, auto ignition, telephone, alternating current power generation and transmission, radio and television would all have been impossible.
** Ben Johnston in the &quot;Introduction&quot; to ''My Inventions : The Autobiography of Nikola Tesla'' (1983).

* '''The invention of the wheel was perhaps rather obvious; but the invention of an invisible wheel, made of nothing but a magnetic field, was far from obvious, and that is what we owe to Nikola Tesla.'''
** [[w:Reginald Kapp|Reginald Kapp]] (1956){{source}}

* '''Tesla has contributed more to electrical science than any man up to his time.'''
** [[William Thomson|Lord Kelvin]], in a statement of 1896, as quoted in James J. O'Neill, ''Prodigal Genius: The Life of Nikola Tesla'' (2007) 

* I am sending [Dr. Tesla]...my gratitude and my respect in overflowing measure. 
** [[w:Robert Millikan|Robert Millikan]]{{source}}

* All scientific men will be delighted to extend their warmest congratulations to Tesla and to express their appreciation of his great contributions to science. 
** [[Ernest Rutherford]]{{source}}

* Nikola Tesla's achievements in electrical science are monuments that symbolize America as a land of freedom and opportunity … Tesla's mind was a human dynamo that whirled to benefit mankind.
** [[w:David Sarnoff|David Sarnoff]]{{source}}

* The evolution of electric power from the discovery of Faraday to the initial great installation of the Tesla polyphase system in 1896 is undoubtedly the most tremendous event in all engineering history.
** [[w:Charles F. Scott|Charles F. Scott]]{{source}}

* '''I misunderstood Tesla. I think we all misunderstood Tesla. We thought he was a dreamer and visionary. He did dream and his dreams came true, he did have visions but they were of a real future, not an imaginary one.''' Tesla was the first man to lift his eyes high enough to see that the rarified stratum of atmosphere above our earth was destined to play an important role in the radio telegraphy of the future, a fact which had to obtrude itself on the attention of most of us before we saw it. But Tesla also perceived what many of us did not in those days, namely, the currents which flowed way from the base of the antenna over the surface of the earth and in the earth itself.
** [[w:John Stone Stone|John Stone Stone]] in &quot;John Stone Stone on Nikola Tesla's Priority in Radio and Continuous-Wave Radiofrequency Apparatus&quot; (1915)

* Tesla, with his almost preternatural insight into alternating current phenomenon that had enabled him some years before to revolutionize the art of electric power transmission through the invention of the rotary field motor, knew how to make resonance serve, not merely the role of a microscope to make visible the electric oscillations, as Hertz had done, but he made it serve the role of a stereopticon to render spectacular to large audiences the phenomena of electric oscillations and high frequency currents....He did more to excite interest and create an intelligent understanding of these phenomena in the years 1891–1893 than anyone else, and '''the more we learn about high frequency phenomena, resonance, and radiation today, the nearer we find ourselves approaching what we at one time were inclined, through a species of intellectual myopia, to regard as the fascinating but fantastical speculations of a man whom we are now compelled, in the light of modern experience and knowledge, to admit was a prophet.''' But Tesla was no mere lecturer and prophet. He saw to the fulfillment of his prophesies and it has been difficult to make any but unimportant improvements in the art of radio-telegraphy without traveling part of the way at least, along a trail blazed by this pioneer who, though eminently ingenious, practical, and successful in the apparatus he devised and constructed, was so far ahead of his time that the best of us then mistook him for a dreamer. I never came anywhere near having an appreciation of what Mr. Tesla had done in this art until a very late date...
** [[w:John Stone Stone|John Stone Stone]] in &quot;John Stone Stone on Nikola Tesla's Priority in Radio and Continuous-Wave Radiofrequency Apparatus&quot; (1915)

*[Dr. Tesla's] lectures opened a new physical world to me... [He was] one of the kindest men I've ever encountered. The hours which I was permitted to spend together with [him] will always be among the fondest memories of my life.
** [[w:Jonathan Zenneck|Jonathan Zenneck]]{{source}}

== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{wikisource-inline|Author:Nikola Tesla}}

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  <page>
    <title>Aladdin (1992 Disney film)</title>
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[[File:Aladdin-logo-2.svg|thumb|Title card]]
'''''[[w:Aladdin (1992 Disney film)|Aladdin]]''''' is a [[w:1992 in film|1992]] American [[w:Disney|Disney]] animated film which relates a version of the story of Aladdin and the magic lamp from The Book of [[One Thousand and One Nights]]. The film spawned a series of sequels and spin-offs, including '''''[[The Return of Jafar]]''''', '''''[[Aladdin and the King of Thieves]]''''', and so on, as well as a television series called, '''''[[w:Aladdin: The Series|Aladdin: The Series]]''''', and a [[Aladdin (2019 film)|live-action remake of the film]].
:''Directed by [[w:John Musker|John Musker]] and [[w:Ron Clements|Ron Clements]]. Written by [[w:John Musker|John Musker]], [[w:Ron Clements|Ron Clements]], [[w:Ted Elliott (screenwriter)|Ted Elliott]], [[w:Terry Rossio|Terry Rossio]], based on &quot;[[Aladdin|Aladdin and the Magic Lamp]]&quot; from ''[[One Thousand and One Nights]]'', and based on Arabian mythology.''
:''Music by [[Alan Menken]]'' and includes &quot;[[w:A Whole New World|A Whole New World]]&quot;. Written by [[Tim Rice]] and performed by [[w:Peabo Bryson|Peabo Bryson]] and [[w:Regina Belle|Regina Belle]].
{{center|'''(Imagine if you had three wishes, three hopes, three dreams, and they all would come true.)''' ([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}

== Aladdin ==
* ''[chased by Razoul and his guards]'' All this for a loaf of [[bread]]?
* I'm not worthiness. And I don't have fleas. ''[sighs]'' Come on, Abu. Let's go home.
* ''[looks out at the window to see the Sultan's palace]'' Someday, Abu, things are gonna change. We'll be rich, live in a palace, and never have any problems at all.
* ''[followed by Jasmine when she's going home with Aladdin and Abu]'' Almost there.
* ''[picks up the lamp from the light]'' This is it? This is what we came all the way down here to... ''[Abu runs and grabs the forbidden treasure]'' ABU, NOOOOO!!!!!
* Abu, this is no time to panic! ''[gasps and sees a solid wall]'' Start panicking!
* ''[to Genie, regretfully]'' Genie, I can't keep this up on my own. I...I can't wish you free.
* ''[facing Jafar]'' Are you afraid to fight me yourself, you cowardly snake?!

== Princess Jasmine ==
* ''[to Abu, when feigning insanity]'' Oh, wise Sultan! How may I serve you?
* ''[to Aladdin]'' I'm a fast learner.
* ''[to Aladdin as Prince Ali]'' Just go, I mean, jump off the balcony!
* I am not a prize to be won!
* It's all my fault, Rajah. I didn't even know his name.

== Iago ==
* ''[on Jafar who's laughing his head off hysterically]'' Oh, boy. He's cracked. He's goin' nuts! Jafar! ''[pounds on Jafar's turban]'' Jafar! '''GET A GRIP!!!''' ''[Jafar grabs him toughly around the throat which causes his head's blood circulation]'' Good grip.
* ''[going as a flamingo, turns around and finds a real flamingo smiling in his face]'' Ya got a problem... ''[hits the flamingo with his right stilt, and the flamingo falls into the water]'' Pinky?! Jerk. ''[laughs maniacally, removes his flamingo disguise, sneaks into the palace, and gets the lamp]'' Boy, Jafar's gonna be happy to see you! ''[mimics Jafar]'' Excellent work, Iago! ''[in his normal voice]'' Aw, go on! ''[as Jafar]'' No, really. I mean, dead seriously. On a scale of 1 to 10, you are an 11. ''[in his normal voice]'' Oh, Jafar, you're too kind. ''[flies away with the lamp]'' I'm embarrassed. I'm blushing.
* ''[to the Sultan while shoves many crackers into his mouth as his serious payback]'' Puppet ruler want a cracker?!

== The Genie ==
* ''[after coming out of his lamp]'' Oy! ''[feels a pain in his neck]'' 10,000 years will give you such a crick in the neck!
* ''[stomps his foot in front of them, angry and losing patience]'' Excuse me? Are you lookin' at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here? And all of a sudden, you're walkin' out on me?! I don't think so! ''NOT'' right now! YOU'RE GETTIN' YOUR WISHES, SO '''''&lt;big&gt;SIT DOWN!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
* It's all part and parcel, the whole genie gig. '''''&lt;big&gt;PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS!&lt;/big&gt;''''' &lt;small&gt;Itty-bitty living space.&lt;/small&gt;
* ''[after transforming Aladdin into a prince]'' He's got the outfit. He's got the elephant. But we're not through yet! Hang on to your turban, kid! We're gonna make you a star!
* ''[as a cheerleader begrudgingly waving a small white flag]'' Jafar, Jafar, he's our man, if he can't do it, ''[screaming bloody murder]'' &lt;big&gt;'''GREAT!!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
* Allow me, ten thousand years in the Cave of Wonders ought to chill him out! ''[flicks the lamp to the desert]''
* ''[to the audience when he pushes up a &quot;The End&quot; scene to a blank white one]'' Made you look.
* ''[post credits scene; last lines]'' You have been a fabulous audience! Tell you what, you're the best audience in the whole world! Take care of yourselves! Good night, Alice! Good night, Agrabah! Adios, amigos!

== Jafar ==
* ''[eyes the giant tiger head rising from the sand]'' At last, after all my years of searching, the Cave of Wonders.
* ''[after the cave closes; he chuckles and rips off the old man mask searching the disguise for the lamp]'' It's mine. It's all mine. I-- Where is it? No! '''''&lt;big&gt;NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
* ''[after Aladdin has returned with Abu and Carpet]'' That was... '''''&lt;big&gt;YOU!!&lt;/big&gt;''''' How many times do I have to kill you, boy?!
* I think that it's time to say goodbye to Prince A-Boo-Boo.

== The Sultan ==
* Oh, Prince Achmed. You're, you're not leaving so soon, are you?
* Oh, Jasmine. Jasmine. Jasmine. Confound it, Rajah. So this is why Prince Achmed stormed out.

== Razoul ==
* ''[first words]'' I'll have your hands for a trophy, street rat.
* You idiots! We all got swords!
* ''[last words]'' I would, Princess. Except my orders come from Jafar. You'll have to take it up with him.

== Cave of Wonders ==
* ''[repeated line]'' Who disturbs my slumber?
* Know this. Only one may enter here, one whose worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough.
* Seek thee out...the diamond...the diamond in the rough. ''[echoes]''
* Proceed. Touch nothing but the lamp.
* '''&lt;big&gt;INFIDELS! YOU HAVE TOUCHED THE FORBIDDEN TREASURE! NOW YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN SEE THE LIGHT OF DAAAAAY!!!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''

== The Peddler ==
* ''[singing]'' Oh I come from a land from a faraway place / Where the caravan camels roam / Where it's flat and immense and the heat is intense (soundtrack version: Where they cut off your ear if they don't like your face) / It's barbaric, but hey...it's home! / When the wind's from the east / And the sun's from the west / And the sand in the glass is right / Come on down, stop on by / Hop a carpet and fly / To another Arabian night! / Arabian nights / Like Arabian days / More often than not / Are hotter than hot / In a lot of good ways / Arabian nights / 'Neath Arabian moons / A fool off his guard / Could fall-and-fall hard / Out there on the dunes. ''[first lines]'' Ah, salaam and good evening to you worthy friend. Please, please, come closer... ''[camera pushes in on his face squishing it]'' Ah uh, too close, a little too close. ''[Camera pulls out]'' There. Welcome to Agrabah. City of mystery, of enchantment, ''[pulls a bag off of the camel and unrolls it to reveal a merchant's stand]'' and the finest merchandise this side of the river Jordan, on sale today, come on down! ''[chuckles]'' Look at this! Yes! Combination hookah and coffee maker, also makes Julienne fries. Will not break, will not... ''[breaks apart]'' it broke. ''[toss it away]'' Ooh! Look at this! I have never seen one of these intact before. This is the famous Dead Sea Tupperware. Listen. ''[lifts cover slightly and blows a raspberry]'' Ah, still good. ''[the camera pans to the right]'' Wait, don't go! I can see that you're only interested in the exceptionally rare. I think then, you would be most rewarded to consider...this. ''[pulls out an oil lamp]'' Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts. This is no ordinary lamp! It once changed the course of a young man's life. A young man who liked this lamp was more than what he seemed: a diamond in the rough. Perhaps you would like to hear the tale? ''[pours sand from the lamp into his hand, and throws it into the air which form into stars which transition into the next scene]'' It begins on a dark night, where a dark man waits, with a dark purpose.

== Others ==
* '''Gazeem''': ''[last words]'' Uh, it is I, Gazeem, a humble thief.
* '''Portly Agrabah Woman''': I'd blame parents, except he hasn't got 'em.
* '''Guard''': He's got a sword!

== Dialogue ==
:''[First lines; The movie begins with the song Arabian Nights, sung over scenes of the desert and the city of Agrabah, in all its exotic splendor]''
:'''Peddler''': ''[singing]'' Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place / Where the caravan camels roam / Where it's flat and immense / And the heat is intense (soundtrack version: Where they cut off your ear / If they don't like your face) / It's barbaric, but hey, it's home...| When the wind's from the east / And the sun's from the west / And the sand in the glass is right / Come on down / Stop on by / Hop a carpet and fly / To another Arabian night...| Arabian nights / Like Arabian days / More often than not / Are hotter than hot / In a lot of good ways...| Arabian nights / 'Neath Arabian moons / A fool of his guard / Could fall and fall hard / Out there on the dunes...| ''[speaking]'' Ah, salaam and good evening to you, my worthy friend. Please, please come closer. ''[the camera zooms in]'' Ah uh, too close, a little to close... ''[the camera pulls back]'' There. Welcome to Agrabah, city of mystery, of enchantment, ''[pulls a bag off of the camel and unrolls it to reveal a merchant's stand]'' and the finest merchandise this side of the River Jordan, on sale today! Come on down. ''[chuckles]'' Look at this, yes, he he, combination hookah and coffee maker, also makes julienne fries! It will not break! It will not... ''[breaks apart]'' It broke. ''[toss it away]'' Oh, look at this, I have never seen one of these intact before...This is the famous Dead Sea Tupperware. Listen, ''[lifts cover slightly and blows a raspberry]'' ah, still good. Ha ha. ''[the camera pans to the right]'' Wait, don't go! I can see that you are only interested in the exceptionally rare. I think, then, you will be most rewarded to consider this. ''[pulls out an oil lamp]'' Do not be fooled by its common-place appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts. This is no ordinary lamp! It once changed the course of a young man's life. A young man, who like this lamp, was more than what he seemed...A diamond in the rough. Perhaps you will like to hear the tale? ''[pours sand from the lamp into his hand, and throws it into the air which form into stars which transition into the next scene]'' It begins on a dark night, where a dark man waits, with a dark purpose.
:''[Camera tilts down to find Jafar sitting on his horse and Iago on his shoulder as Gazeem comes riding up to the pair]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[first words]'' You... are late.
:'''Gazeem''': ''[first words]'' A thousand apologies O Patient One.
:'''Jafar''': You have it, then?
:'''Gazeem''': I had to slit a few throats, but I got it. ''[pulls the scarab piece back]'' Ah-ah! The treasure! ''[Iago flies over and swipes the piece]'' Ouch!
:''[Iago rips the scarab from Gazeem's fingers and drops it into Jafar's hand]''
:'''Jafar''': Trust me my pungent friend. You'll get what's coming to you.
:'''Iago''': What's coming to you! Awk!
:''[Jafar pulls out the second half of the medallion. Gazeem shocked before Jafar reaches and the scarab halves begins to glow. Finally, the scarab glows, then flies out of Jafar's hand, scaring the horses, and is off towards the dunes]''
:'''Jafar''': Quickly, follow the trail! ''[On horseback, the trio chase the medallion across the moonlit desert]'' &lt;big&gt;'''FASTER!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The creature splits in two, each half lodging into a sand dune. A towering tiger head rises from the dune. The pieces of the scarab from its glowing eyes, the three villains' horses rear on their hind legs, throwing their riders off. Jafar grins as the tiger head with cow-like ears opens it cavernous mouth.]''
:'''Jafar''': At last! After all my years of searching...The Cave of Wonders!
:'''Iago''': Awk! Cave of Wonders!
:'''Gazeem''': By Allah!
:'''Jafar''': ''[pushes Gazeem forward]'' Now...Remember! Bring me the lamp. The rest of the treasure is yours. But the lamp, is mine!
:''[Gazeem steps forward into the tiger's mouth, which forms the entrance to the cave. He chuckles as he goes]''
:'''Iago''': Awk! The lamp! Awk! The lamp! ''[Now that Iago and Jafar are alone, Iago opens up in normal [[English language|English]]]'' Geez, where did ya dig this bozo up?
:'''Jafar''': ''[points at the tiger head]'' Shh.
:''[Gazeem sneaks into the tiger head and the cave echoes, looks at sand before now the staircase, Gazeem reaches the tiger's mouth, then the blows out and a deep voice speaks]''
:'''Cave of Wonders''': '''WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBER?!'''
:'''Gazeem''': ''[last words]'' Er...it is I, Gazeem, a humble thief.
:'''Cave of Wonders''': '''KNOW THIS. ONLY ONE MAY ENTER HERE. ONE WHOSE WORTH LIES FAR WITHIN. A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH!'''
:''[Gazeem looks back at Jafar and sneaks the tiger head opening apprehensively]''
:'''Jafar''': What are you waiting for? Go on!
:''[Gazeem across the tiger's mouth, then the beast sighing, Gazeem reaches the slowly walk and sighs, he turns back but the tiger's mouth slams down]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[shielding himself from the flash]'' &lt;big&gt;'''Nooooooooo!!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Cave of Wonders''': ''[From off-screen]'' '''SEEK THEE OUT,''' the diamond, the diamond in the rough. ''[echoes]''
:'''Iago''': ''[pops out sand and coughs]'' I can't believe it! I just don't believe it! We're never gonna get a hold of that stupid lamp! Just forget it! Look at this. Look at this. I'm so ticked off that I'm molting. ''[He flies up to Jafar's shoulder]''
:'''Jafar''': Patience, Iago, patience. Gazeem was obviously less than worthy.
:'''Iago''': ''[extremely sarcastic]'' Oh, there's a big surprise. That's it, an incredib-- I think I'm gonna have a heart attack and die from that surprise. What are we gonna do? We got a big problem, a big--
:'''Jafar''': ''[holds his beak shut]'' Yes. Only one may enter, I must find this one, this...diamond in the rough.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The next day, on a rooftop, where Aladdin rushes up to the edge, carrying a loaf of bread. He skids to a stop at the edge of the building]''
:'''Guard''': Stop, thief!
:''[Aladdin looks back at Razoul, a young man head, muscular handsome guard, tan turban, red and white yellow uniform shirt, tan pants and dark yellow shoes, he's the guards scramble toward him]''
:'''Razoul''': ''[first words]'' I'll have your hands for a trophy, Street Rat.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[looks back, then down, then at the bread]'' All this for a loaf of bread?
:''[Aladdin leaps off the roof, landing on two ropes strung between buildings, with drying clothes on them. He skies down them, collecting bits and pieces of clothing on him as he goes. Finally, he's nearing the end of the rope, at a window, when a woman reaches out and the shutters closed shut. Aladdin slams into the shutters and falls to the street, his fall being broken by numerous awnings and the pile of clothes around him. He pulls off the top layer of clothes and is about to enjoy his bread when]''
:'''Guard #1''': There he is!
:'''Guard #2''': You won't get away so easy!
:'''Aladdin''': You think that was easy? ''[looks at ladies laughing and looks at Razoul and his guards]''
:'''Razoul''': You two, over that way. And you, with me. We found him.
:'''Aladdin''': Morning, ladies.
:'''Woman''': Getting into trouble a little early today, aren't we Aladdin?
:'''Aladdin''': Trouble? No way, man. You're only in trouble if you get caught...
:'''Razoul''': ''[grabs Aladdin]'' Gotcha!
:'''Aladdin''': I'm in trouble.
:'''Razoul''': ...and this time. ''[Abu pulls down his turban]''
:'''Aladdin''': Perfect timing, Abu. As usual.
:'''Abu''': Hello!
:'''Aladdin''': Come on, let's get outta here! ''[singing]'' Gotta keep one jump ahead of the breadline / One swing ahead of the sword / I steal only what I can't afford...| ''[speaking]'' That's everything! ''[singing]'' One jump ahead of the lawmen / That's all, and that's no joke / These guys don't appreciate I'm broke.
:'''Guard #1''': Riffraff!
:'''Guard #2 and #3''': Street Rat!
:'''Guard #4''': Scoundrel!
:'''Guard #5''': Take that!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' Just a little snack, guys.
:'''Guards''': Rip him open, take it back, guys.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' I can take a hint, gotta face the facts / You're my only friend, Abu.
:'''Girls''': Who?| ''[singing]'' Oh, it's sad, Aladdin's hit the bottom / He's become a one-man rise in crime.
:'''Portly Agrabah Woman''': I'd blame parents, except he hasn't got 'em.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat / Tell you all about it when I got the time / One jump ahead of the slowpokes / One skip ahead of my doom / Next time, gonna use a nom de plume.
:'''Razoul''': There he is.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' One jump ahead of the hitmen / One hit ahead of the flock / I think I'll take a stroll around the block.
:''[A man sleeping on a bed of nails, of course one extremely large guard jumps on him]''
:'''Guard''': Stop, thief!
:'''Man''': Vandal!
:'''Aladdin''': Abu!
:'''Woman''': Scandal!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' Let's not be too hasty.
:'''Fat Lady''': Still, I think he's rather tasty.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat / Otherwise, we'd get along.
:'''Guards''': Wrong!
:'''Razoul''': Get him!
:''[The guards chase Aladdin and Abu run across a flaming pit, followed by guards who hop up and down, screaming in pain as they cross the rocks. Aladdin and Abu pass a sword swallower, then Abu goes back, pulls the sword out of the swallower's mouth]''
:'''Guard''': He's got a sword!
:'''Razoul''': We've all got swords!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' One jump ahead of the hoofbeats.
:'''Guards''': Vandal!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' One hop ahead of the hump.
:'''Guards''': Street Rat!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' One trick ahead of disaster.
:'''Guards''': Scoundrel!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' They're quick, but I'm much faster.
:'''Guards''': Riffraff!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' Here goes, better throw my hand in / Wish me happy landin' / All I gotta do is jump!
:''[The guards fall down and land in a street]''
:'''Guards''': Yuck! Oy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Aladdin uses the carpet as a parachute and landing, Aladdin and Abu high-five each other]''
:'''Aladdin''': And now, esteemed effendi, we feast! All right!
:''[Aladdin breaks the bread in two and gives half to Abu, who begins to eat. But Aladdin looks over and sees two young children rummaging through the garbage for food. The girl sees him, then drops her find and tries to hide. Aladdin looks at them, then the bread, then at Abu]''
:'''Abu''': Uh-oh!
:''[Abu takes a big bite of his food, but Aladdin gets up and walks over to the children. The girl pulls her brother back]''
:'''Aladdin''': Here, go on...take it.
:''[The children giggle with delight. Abu tries to swallow his bite, then looks guilty. He walks over to the children and offers his bread to them. In delight, they pet him on the head]''
:'''Abu''': Ah, don't. Huh?
:''[Abu sees Aladdin walking into the daylight, where there is a parade going on. Aladdin peers over the shoulders of the villagers before see Prince Achmed rides on a horse]''
:'''Villager #1''': On his way to the palace, I suppose.
:'''Villager #2''': Another suitor for the princess.
:''[Aladdin is startled as the two children come running out from the alley. The boy runs out in front of Achmed's horse neighs]''
:'''Prince Achmed''': ''[first words]'' Out of my way, you filthy brat! ''[ropes whip]''
:'''Aladdin''': Hey, if I were as rich as you, I could afford some manners.
:'''Prince Achmed''': ''[Aladdin throws a rope him]'' Oh, I teach you some manners!
:''[He slaps Aladdin falls down on his mud and the citizens laugh]''
:'''Aladdin''': Look at that, Abu. It's not every day you see a horse with two rear ends!
:''[Achmed stops and turns back to Aladdin]''
:'''Prince Achmed''': You are a worthless street rat.  You were born a street rat, you'll die a street rat, and only your fleas will mourn you.
:''[Aladdin angrily rushes Achmed, but slam the doors to the palace shut on his face]''
:'''Aladdin''': I'm not worthless. And I don't have fleas. Come on, Abu. Let's go home. ''[singing]'' Riffraff, street rat / I don't buy that / If only they'd look closer / Would they see a poor boy? / No siree / They'd find out, there's so much more to me. ''[speaking]'' Someday, Abu. Things are gonna change. We'll be rich, live in a palace, and never have any problems at all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The next morning, inside the Sultan's chamber, the door slam breaks the moment and Prince Achmed storms in, missing the part of his pants and underwear]''
:'''Prince Achmed''': I've never been so insulted!
:'''Sultan''': ''[to Achmed]'' Oh, Achmed! You're not leaving so soon, are you?
:'''Prince Achmed''': ''[last words]'' Good luck marrying her off!
:'''Sultan''': ''[exasperated]'' Oh, Jasmine? Jasmine? Jasmine?
:''[The Sultan angrily goes off into the garden looking for his daughter. He finds her, but is interrupted by Rajah, Jasmine's pet tiger growling, fur bristling protectively. Rajah has a piece of Achmed's undershorts in his mouth. The Sultan grabs the cloth and yanks it out of Rajah's mouth]''
:'''Sultan''': Confound it, Rajah! ''[angrily brandishes the piece of Achmed's clothing]'' So, this is why Prince Achmed stormed out!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Oh, Father. Rajah was just playing with him, weren't you, Rajah? You were just playing with that overdressed, self-absorbed Prince Achmed, weren't you? ''[Sultan angry]'' Ahem...
:'''Sultan''': You have got to stop rejecting every suitor who comes to call, dearest. The law says that you...
:'''Princess Jasmine and Sultan''': ...must be married to a Prince...
:'''Sultan''': ...by your next birthday.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': The law is wrong.
:'''Sultan''': You've got only three more days!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': I hate being forced into this, Father. I want it to be for love, if I do marry.
:'''Sultan''': Not only is it this law, Jasmine. I'm not going to be around forever, and I just want to make sure you're provided for, taken care of.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Try to understand, please. I've never done a thing on my own. ''[Jasmine swirls her finger in a water of the pond, pets the fish]'' I've never had any real friends. ''[Rajah looks up at Jasmine and growls]'' Except you, Rajah. ''[Satisfied, Rajah goes back to sleep and Jasmine stands sill]'' I've never even been outside of the palace walls.
:'''Sultan''': But, you're a Princess, Jasmine.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[sighs in frustration]'' Then, maybe I don't want to be a Princess any more. ''[She splashes the water]''
:'''Sultan''': Oooh! Allah forbid you guys should have any daughters! ''[Rajah looks up at Jasmine for a second. Jasmine goes to the dove cage and yanks open the door. The birds fly away into freedom. She looks up]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Inside the Sultan's chambers]''
:'''Sultan''': I don't know where she gets it from. Her mother wasn't nearly so picky.
:''[A shadow falls over him. The Sultan looks up startled and sees Jafar]''
:'''Sultan''': Ooh, oh. Ah, Jafar, my most trusted advisor. I am in desperate need of your wisdom.
:'''Jafar''': My life is but to serve you, my lord. ''[bows]''
:'''Sultan''': It's this suitor business, Jasmine refuses to choose a husband, I'm at my wit's-end.
:'''Iago''': Awk, wit's-end.
:'''Sultan''': Oh, ha ha. Have a cracker, pretty Polly!
:''[The Sultan pulls a cracker out from his pocket. Iago looks terrified. Then the Sultan stuffs it in Iago's mouth. Iago grimaces as he tries to eat it. Jafar and the Sultan both laugh]''
:'''Jafar''': Your Majesty, certainly has a way with dumb animals. Now then, perhaps I can divine a solution to this thorny problem.
:'''Sultan''': If anyone can help, it's you.
:'''Jafar''': Ah, but it will require the use of the mystic blue diamond.
:'''Sultan''': Uh, my ring? But it's been in the family for years.
:'''Jafar''': It is necessary to find the Princess a suitor.
:''[Jafar says the word 'Princess' with the accent on the second syllable, 'cess.' He turns his staff with a cobra head towards The Sultan. The eyes of the staff begin to glow. The room darkens, Jafar's voice slows down and deepens. The Sultan's eyes get a hypnotized look]''
:'''Jafar''': Don't worry. Everything will be fine.
:'''Sultan''': Everything will be fine.
:'''Jafar''': The diamond.
:'''Sultan''': Here, Jafar, whatever you need will be fine.
:''[The Sultan removes his ring and hands it to Jafar. The room returns to normal as Jafar pulls back the staff]''
:'''Jafar''': You are most gracious, my liege. Now run along and play with your little toys.
:'''Sultan''': Yes, that'll be pretty good.
:''[Jafar and Iago exit. We follow them. When they're out of the room, the parrot spits out the cracker]''
:'''Iago''': I can't take it anymore! If I gotta choke down on one more of those moldy, disgusting crackers. Bam! Whack!
:''[Jafar pulls a rope, which reveals a hidden entrance to his chambers]''
:'''Jafar''': Calm yourself, Iago.
:'''Iago''': Then I'd grab him around the head. Whack! Whack!
:'''Jafar''': Soon, I will be sultan, not that addle-pated twit.
:'''Iago''': And then I stuff the crackers down his throat! ''[laughs]''
:''[The pair pass through a door and slam it shut]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the midnight, in a gardens, a shadowy figure walks through. We see it is Jasmine in disguise. She reaches the palace wall, then begins to climb it. She is tugged from behind by Rajah]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Oh, I'm so sorry, Rajah. But I can't stay here and have my life lived for me. I'll miss you. Goodbye!
:''[She disappears over the wall. The next morning, in the street Aladdin and Abu are up to their capers again. They are on top of the awning of a fruit stand]''
:'''Aladdin''': Okay, Abu, go!
:''[Abu dips over the edge and looks at the merchant]''
:'''Fruit Merchant''': ''[to passing crowd]'' Try this, your taste buds will dance and sing. ''[Abu grabs a melon and hangs there, distracting his attention]'' Hey, get your paws off that.
:'''Abu''': Blah blah blah!
:'''Fruit Merchant''': Why, you! Get away from here, you filthy ape!
:''[The merchant grabs the melon away from Abu. But in the foreground, Aladdin dips down and snatches another melon from the stand]''
:'''Abu''': Bye-bye!
:''[He zings back up. The merchant takes the melon to the front, where he places it on top of a stack. He looks confused, like he has just done this]''
:'''Aladdin''': Nice going, Abu, breakfast is served.
:''[Aladdin and Abu on the roof break open the melon and eat. We see Jasmine walking through the street]''
:'''Pot Merchant''': Pretty lady buy a pot, no finer pot in brass or silver.
:'''Nut Merchant''': Sugar dates, sugar dates and figs! Sugar dates and pistachios!
:'''Necklace Merchant''': Would the lady like a necklace, a pretty necklace for a pretty lady.
:''[She is charmed by the action, but is startled by a fish thrust into her face]''
:'''Fish Merchant''': Fresh fish! We catch him you buy him!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': I don't think so.
:''[Jasmine backs away, but bumps into a fire eater, who is startled into swallowing his fire]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Excuse me.
:''[Man gulps, then belches fire from his mouth. Jasmine is disgusted. He is pleased and taps his stomach. Aladdin sees her, and a strange look comes over his face]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': I'm really very sorry.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[he's obviously deeply in love with her]'' Whoa!
:''[Jasmine pulls the hood of her cloak over her head. Abu sees him and jumps up on his shoulder, waving his hand in front of Aladdin's face]''
:'''Abu''': Uh-oh, hello? Hello?
:''[Princess Jasmine stops at Farouk's fruit stand and sees a young boy reaching for fruit; she picks up an apple and hands it to him]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': You must be hungry. Here you go. ''[the boy runs off]''
:'''Farouk''': ''[first words]'' You'd better be able to pay for that.
:''[She turns around and a huge angry Farouk is right in her face]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Pay?
:'''Farouk''': No one steals from my cart.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': I'm so sorry, sir. I don't have any money.
:'''Farouk''': Thief!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Please. If you let me go to the palace, I can get some from The Sultan.
:'''Farouk''': Do you know what the penalty is for stealing?!
:''[He grabs her hand and pins it down on the table, then raises his sword]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': No! No, please!
:''[Aladdin stops Farouk]''
:'''Aladdin''': Thank you, kind sir. I'm so glad you found her. ''[to Princess Jasmine]'' I've been looking for you.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[quietly]'' What are you doing?
:'''Aladdin''': ''[whispers back]'' Just play along.
:'''Farouk''': You know this girl?
:'''Aladdin''': Sadly, yes. She is my sister. She's a little crazy. ''[Aladdin twirls his finger around his ear; Jasmine scoffs in disbelief]''
:'''Farouk''': She said she knew The Sultan.
:'''Aladdin''': She thinks The Monkey is The Sultan.
:''[Princess Jasmine, playing along, kneels and bows to Abu]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Oh, wise Sultan, how may I serve you?
:'''Abu''': Well,... ''[babbles royally]''
:'''Aladdin''': Tragic, isn't it? ''[leans forward, picking up another apple from the cart and hands it to Farouk as repayment]'' But no harm done. ''[walks over to Princess Jasmine]'' Now, come along, sis. Time to go see the doctor.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[to a camel standing nearby]'' Oh, hello, doctor. How are you?
:'''Aladdin''': No, no, no, not that one. ''[to Abu, whose pockets are bulging]'' Come on, Sultan.
:''[Abu bows to the crowd until nearly everything he picked up falls out]''
:'''Farouk''': ''[last words]'' Huh? What is it? ''[Abu picks up what he can carry, and the trio run off]'' Come back here, you little thieves!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Inside Jafar's lair, Iago is running on a gear in a bizarre contraption. At the top of the contraption is a red storm brewing]''
:'''Iago''': ''[huffing and puffing]'' With all due respect, your rottenness, couldn't we just wait for a real storm?
:'''Jafar''': Save your breath, Iago. Faster!
:''[Jafar places the Sultan's diamond is set in a frame above a large hourglass]''
:'''Iago''': Yes, O Mighty Evil One.
:''[Iago runs faster. A lightning bolt streaks through the ring, passing into an hourglass below. The sands begin to swirl]''
:'''Jafar''': Ah, sands of time - Reveal to me the one who could enter the cave. ''[The sand in top forms the Cave of Wonders, it falls through into a storm, but it shows Aladdin climbing up a ladder, followed by Jasmine who is covered in her cloak]'' Yes, yes! There he is. My diamond in the rough!
:'''Iago''': That's him, that's the clown we've been waiting for?
:''[Iago loses his footing and is sucked into the gears]''
:'''Jafar''': Let's have the guards extend him an invitation to the palace. Shall we?
:''[Iago goes flying past and slams into the wall upside down]''
:'''Iago''': Swell.
:''[Jafar laughs hideously, and the camera zooms in on Aladdin in the hourglass]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Finally, in the palace with Aladdin climbs up of the ladder, followed by Jasmine]''
:'''Aladdin''': Almost there.
:''[Jasmine climbs over a wall, but trips and falls into Aladdin's arms and stands up]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': I want to thank you for stopping that man.
:'''Aladdin''': Ah, forget about it. ''[he grabs a pole]'' So, uh, this is your first time in the Marketplace? ''[gasps]''
:''[Aladdin pole vaults to the next building, leaves Jasmine behind]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Is it that obvious?
:'''Aladdin''': Well, you do kind of stand out. ''[Aladdin stares at Jasmine. Jasmine returns the look. But Aladdin realises what he's doing, and returns to normal]'' I mean, eh, you don't seem to know how dangerous Agrabah can be.
:''[Aladdin lays a plank between the buildings for her to walk over, but as Aladdin is leaned down, she vaults over his head. Aladdin looks back in surprise. Jasmine tosses the pole to him. Both Aladdin's and Abu's eyes bulge]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': I'm a fast learner.
:'''Aladdin''': Hey. Come on, this way.
:''[They go inside the roof of a building, dodges planks and beams as they go]''
:'''Aladdin''': Whoa. Watch your head there. Be careful.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Is this where you live?
:'''Aladdin''': Yep. Just me and Abu. Come and get as we please.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Fabulous.
:'''Aladdin''': Well, it's not much, ''[pulls back the curtain and exposes the palace]'' but it's got a great view. Palace looks pretty amazing, huh?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Oh, that's wonderful.
:'''Aladdin''': I wonder what it would be like to live there, to have servants and valets...
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Oh, sure. People who tell you where to go and how to dress.
:'''Aladdin''': That's better than here. Always scraping for food and ducking the guards.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': You're not free to make your own choices.
:'''Aladdin''': Sometimes you feel so...
:'''Princess Jasmine''': You're just...
:'''Aladdin and Princess Jasmine''': ...trapped.
:''[They look at each other, realizing that they're perfect for one another. But Aladdin then realizes where he is, and breaks the look. Aladdin takes the apple out of Abu's hand and rolls it down his arm into the hand of Jasmine]''
:'''Aladdin''': So, where are you from?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': What does it matter? I ran away, and I'm not going back.
:'''Aladdin''': Really?
:''[Aladdin takes a bite from the apple on his hand with Abu looks on his face]''
:'''Abu''': Why you!
:''[Aladdin walks over and sits next to Jasmine]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': My father's forcing me to get married.
:'''Aladdin''': That's, that's awful. ''[Abu appears from behind the princess and tries to steal the apple]'' Abu!
:''[Abu chatters and curses as he goes]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': What?
:'''Aladdin''': Abu says it's, uh, it's not fair.
:'''Abu''': What?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Oh, did he?
:'''Aladdin''': Yeah, of course.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': And does Abu have anything else to say?
:'''Aladdin''': Well, he wishes there was something he can do to help.
:'''Abu''': Oh, boy.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Hmm. Tell him that's very sweet.
:''[Aladdin and Jasmine gets closer and kiss her before Razoul and the guards cross towards them]''
:'''Razoul''': Here you are.
:'''Aladdin and Princess Jasmine''': They've found me! ''[beat]'' They're after you?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': My father must have sent them...
:'''Aladdin''': Do you trust me?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': What?
:'''Aladdin''': Do you trust me?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Yes.
:'''Aladdin''': Then, jump!
:''[Aladdin and Jasmine leap off the roof, fall down and run before blocked by Razoul]''
:'''Razoul''': We just keep running into each other, don't we, Street Rat?
:'''Aladdin''': Run. Go, get out of here.
:''[Again, Razoul's turban is pulled down by Abu, but more guards are here and block the exit. Razoul pulls Abu off his head and throws him in a vase. Three other guards grab Aladdin]''
:'''Razoul''': It's the dungeon for you, boy.
:'''Aladdin''': Hey, get off of me!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Let him go.
:'''Razoul''': Looky here, men, a street mouse.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Unhand him, by order of The Princess.
:''[The guards grab Aladdin to bow as well]''
:'''Razoul''': Princess Jasmine.
:'''Aladdin''': The Princess?
:'''Abu''': The Princess?
:'''Razoul''': What are you doing outside the palace? And with this street rat?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': That's not your concern. Do as I command. Release him!
:'''Razoul''': ''[last words]'' Well, I would, Princess, unless my orders come from Jafar. You will have to take it up with him.
:''[The guards grab Aladdin out and walk past]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Believe me, I will.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Inside the palace, Jafar emerging from his secret chambers. Jafar slides the door shut carefully before Jasmine comes storms and Jafar slams it shut, pines Iago inside the door frame]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Jafar?
:'''Jafar''': Oh, uh, Princess.
:'''Iago''': Awk! Jafar, I'm stuck!
:'''Jafar''': How may I be of service to you? ''[spreads out his cape]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': The guards just took a boy from the market, on your orders.
:'''Jafar''': Your father's charged me with keeping peace in Agrabah. The boy was a criminal.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': What was his crime?
:'''Iago''': I can't breathe, Jafar!
:'''Jafar''': Why, kidnapping the Princess, of course.
:'''Iago''': If you could just. ''[he kicks him back inside the door and it slams shut]'' Ow! That hurt!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': He didn't kidnap me! I ran away!
:'''Jafar''': ''[walks away]'' Oh, dear! Oh, why frightfully upsetting. Had I but known.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': What do you mean?
:'''Jafar''': Sadly, the boy's sentence has already been carried out.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': What sentence?
:'''Jafar''': Death. ''[Jasmine gasps]'' By beheading.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': No!
:'''Jafar''': I am exceedingly sorry, Princess.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': How could you? ''[crying]''
:''[Iago finally makes it out through the door. He flies up and lands on Jafar's shoulder, coughing]''
:'''Iago''': So, how did it go?
:'''Jafar''': I think she took it rather well. ''[they both get a sinister smile on their faces]''
:''[Outside the gardens, crying at the edge of the fountain. Rajah comes over to comfort her. She pets him]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': It's all my fault, Rajah. I didn't even know his name.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Inside the dungeon, rats scurry across the gloomy walls, in and out of shafts of moonlight shining through a high, barred window. We see Aladdin chained to the wall]''
:'''Aladdin''': ''[to himself]'' She was the Princess. I don't believe it. I must have sounded so stupid to her.
:'''Abu''': ''[from a distance]'' Yoo-hoo! Aladdin? Hello!
:''[Abu's shadow appears at the window at the top of the dungeon]''
:'''Aladdin''': Abu! Down here!
:''[We hear chitters, scampers down before Aladdin pulls on his arm irons]''
:'''Aladdin''': Hey, come on. Help me outta these.
:''[Abu stops, then begins chattering wildly, dropping to the ground. He wraps a cloth around his head and makes his eyes big in an imitates of the Princess]''
:'''Aladdin''': Hey, she was in trouble. Ah, she was worth it.
:''[Abu jumps up on Aladdin's shoulders and pulls a small set of tools out of his pocket, then frees Aladdin]''
:'''Abu''': Yeah, yeah, yeah.
:'''Aladdin''': Don't worry, Abu, I'll never see her again. I'm a street rat, remember, and there's a law. She's gotta marry a prince, she deserves it.
:''[Abu finally frees Aladdin's hands]''
:'''Abu''': Ta da!
:'''Aladdin''': I'm a fool.
:'''Jafar''': ''[off-screen]'' You're only a fool if you give up, boy.
:''[Aladdin sees Jafar as a old prisoner sitting in the corner]''
:'''Aladdin''': Who are you?
:'''Jafar''': A lowly prisoner like yourself. But together perhaps we can be more.
:'''Aladdin''': I'm listening.
:'''Jafar''': There is a cave, boy, the Cave of Wonders, filled with treasures beyond your wildest dreams.
:''[Abu lights up at this]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[sly]'' Treasure enough to impress even your princess, I'd wager.
:'''Iago''': Jafar, can ya hurry it up? I'm dying in here!
:'''Aladdin''': But the law says that only a prince can marry...
:'''Jafar''': Haven't you heard of the Golden Rule, haven't you boy? Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
:'''Aladdin''': So why will you share all of that wonderful treasure with me?
:'''Jafar''': I need a young pair of legs and a strong back to go in after it.
:'''Aladdin''': Uh, one problem. It's out there, we're in here?
:''[Jafar walks to a wall and pushes open a hidden exit]''
:'''Jafar''': Mmm, mmm, mmm. Things aren't always what they seem. So do we have a deal?
:''[Aladdin looks at Abu, who shrugs his shoulders]''
:'''Abu''': Hmm?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the desert scene, we see Aladdin leading a horse with Jafar and Abu on it, in the Cave of Wonders location]''
:'''Cave of Wonders''': Who disturbs my slumber?
:'''Aladdin''': Uh, it is I, Aladdin.
:''[Blinding light from the cave. Aladdin winces]''
:'''Cave of Wonders''': Proceed. Touch nothing but the lamp.
:''[The cave opens up with a roar, and a staircase appears in front of Aladdin]''
:'''Jafar''': Remember, boy, first fetch me the lamp. And then you shall have your reward.
:'''Aladdin''': Come on, Abu. ''[to Abu hiding under the shoulder of his vest]''
:''[Aladdin begins to descend the staircase. He reaches the bottom and enters a golden chamber filled with treasure]''
:'''Aladdin''': Will you look at that!
:'''Abu''': Uh-oh!
:'''Aladdin''': Just a handful of this stuff would make me richer than the Sultan.
:''[Abu peeks out, sees the treasure, then bolts for it]''
:'''Aladdin''': Abu!
:''[Abu stops in mid run, hovering over a rug on the floor]''
:'''Aladdin''': Don't touch anything! We gotta find that lamp.
:''[They begin to make their way through the room when the Carpet rises off the floor and begins following them. Abu gets the feeling they're being followed]''
:'''Abu''': Huh?
:''[He turns, and the Carpet lies flat on the floor. He continues, and the Carpet begins to follow again. Again, Abu turns back, but the Carpet is rolled up and leaning against a pile of treasure. Abu runs to Aladdin and tugs his pant leg]''
:'''Abu''': Aladdin! Aladdin!
:'''Aladdin''': Abu, will you knock it off?
:''[Again the Carpet follows, but this time, when Abu turns, the carpet jumps to the other side. It reaches down with a tassel and pulls Abu's tail. When Abu jumps around, Carpet again goes to the other side. This time, Abu lands in a karate stance. Carpet reaches down and plucks Abu's hat off, then puts it on himself. Abu sits thinking for a second, until Carpet waves a tassel in front of his face. Abu and Carpet both jump scared, and run away. Abu tackles Aladdin and turns his head to look at the Carpet]''
:'''Aladdin''': Abu, what are you, crazy?
:''[The Carpet peeks out from behind a pile of treasure]''
:'''Aladdin''': The Magic Carpet. Come on, come on out, I'm not gonna hurt you. Hey, take it easy, Abu, he's not gonna bite.
:''[The Carpet again picks up Abu's hat and hands it to him.]''
:'''Aladdin''': Thanks.
:''[Abu shakes his fist and screeching. Carpet begins to walk away, &quot;sadly&quot;]''
:'''Aladdin''': Hey, wait a minute. Don't go. Maybe you can help us.
:''[Carpet looks back, excited. It then flies over and wraps around the pair]''
:'''Aladdin''': Hey, whoa! You see, we're trying to find this lamp.
:''[Carpet motions for them to follow it]''
:'''Aladdin''': I think he knows where it is.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[They pass through a long cave, until they emerge in a giant underground cavern. In the center of the room is a tall pillar, with a staircase going up to it. It is surrounded by water with unevenly placed stones forming a bridge. At the top of the pillar is a beam of light, Aladdin across the bridge]''
:'''Aladdin''': ''[softly]'' Wait here!
:'''Abu''': Oh, huh?
:''[Abu sees a shrine with a golden monkey. The outstretched paws hold a giant diamond. Abu is hypnotically drawn to it. Aladdin climbs the stairs quickly. Carpet sees Abu and grabs his tail trying in vain to hold him back. Aladdin finally reaches the magic lamp like '''[[w:Beyond Oasis|Beyond Oasis]]''' and '''[[w:Legend of Oasis|Legend of Oasis]]'''.]''
:'''Aladdin''': This is it? This is magic lamp. This is what we came all the way down here to...? ''[he looks down at Abu about to grab a red diamond from a monkey idol]'' Abu! NO!
:''[Abu grabs the diamond]''
:'''Cave of Wonders''': &lt;big&gt;'''INFIDELS!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Abu''': Uh-oh!
:'''Cave of Wonders''': &lt;big&gt;'''YOU HAVE TOUCHED THE FORBIDDEN TREASURE!!'''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Abu tries to put the diamond back in the idol's palm, but the idol starts to melt away]'' &lt;big&gt;'''NOW YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Aladdin leaps his ramp, but they flatten into a ramp, and he skies down until he flies into the air. The water changes into lava. He is falling toward it, when all of a sudden Carpet appears and catches him. Abu is standing on one of the rocks of the bridge. He looks left and right and sees rocks exploding into lava like '''[[w:Raiders of the Lost Ark|Raiders of the Lost Ark]]'''. Then Carpet races over and Aladdin grabs him, just as the last rock is exploding]''
:'''Aladdin''': Whoa! Carpet, let's move!
:''[Together, they race back through the caves dodging walls and falling debris. Abu grabs Aladdin's head and covers his eyes]''
:'''Aladdin''': Abu, this is no time to panic!
:''[Aladdin pulls Abu off his head and sees the solid wall]''
:'''Aladdin''': Start panicking! Whoa!
:''[Carpet goes into a dive, then through another cave. Finally, they emerge through the internal entrance. Outside, the earth trembles. Winds swirl ferociously. Lightning flashes, thunder booms. The cave begins to growl and close, a gigantic stalactite breaks off and pins the Carpet. Abu and Aladdin are thrown forward. A chasm opens, cutting them off from Aladdin and Abu are almost to the top when a boulder drops on carpet, sending it to the floor. Aladdin grabs onto the rock wall and holds on. He sees Jafar appears above]''
:'''Aladdin''': ''[shouts over the din]'' Help me out!
:'''Jafar''': Throw me the lamp!
:'''Aladdin''': I can't hold on, give me your hand!
:'''Jafar''': First give me the lamp.
:''[Aladdin pulls out the lamp. Aladdin hands it up and Jafar raises up]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[laughs triumphantly]'' Yes! At last!
:''[Jafar laughs evilly and grabs Aladdin's wrist]''
:'''Aladdin''': What are you doing?
:'''Jafar''': Giving you your reward... ''[normal voice]'' Your eternal reward.
:''[He pulls out a crooked dagger and is about to stab Aladdin, when Abu angrily bites him on the wrist. He painfully screams, but lets go of Aladdin, who falls into the cave. Jafar throws Abu into the cave as well. They fall. Carpet sees this, but is pinned under a boulder. It struggles to break free, then does. It races up and catches Aladdin, but he has already hit the wall several times, and is unconscious. On the surface, the cave roars one final time, then sinks back into the sand. Jafar pulls off his disguise]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[laughs]'' It's mine. ''[removes his disguise]'' It's all mine! I... ''[he searches his robe pockets for the lamp, but it is empty]'' Where is it? No! ''[falls to his knees]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Meanwhile, in Sultan's chamber like '''[[w:Crash Bandicoot: Warped|Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped]]''', '''[[w:The Chipmunk Adventure|The Chipmunk Adventure]]''' and '''[[w:The Thief and the Cobbler|The Princess and the Cobbler]]'''. She is sitting on her bed, next to Rajah who looks sad. The Sultan walks in]''
:'''Sultan''': Jasmine? Oh, dearest. What's wrong?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Jafar... has... done... something terrible. ''[cries]''
:'''Sultan''': There, there, there, my child... We'll set it right. Now, tell me everything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Inside the cave, Aladdin sleeps groggily on the Carpet and Abu tries]''
:'''Abu''': Oh, oh. Aladdin? Wake up. Aladdin.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[groans]'' Oh, my head. ''[looks at a solid cavern]'' We're trapped. That two faced son-of-a-jackal! Whoever he was, he's long gone with that lamp.
:'''Abu''': Aha! ''[pulls out the lamp]''
:'''Aladdin''': Why, you hairy little thief! It looks like such a beat-up, worthless piece of junk. Hey, I think there's something written here, but it's hard to make out.
:''[Aladdin rubs the lamp with his sleeve, it glows slightly and the lamp begins to shake and glow, but Aladdin holds onto the lamp, towering above Aladdin is the gigantic Genie comes out of the lamp. He is a hip, hyper, mercurial [[Robin Williams]] type, full of exuberance]''
:'''Genie''': ''[screaming]'' OY! 10,000 years will give ya such a crick in the neck! Hang on a second! Whoa! Does it feel good to be outta there! Nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen. Hi, where ya from? What's your name?
:'''Aladdin''': Uh, Al, Aladdin.
:'''Genie''': Aladdin! Hello, Aladdin. Nice to have you on the show. Can we call you Al? Or maybe just Din? Or how about Laddie? Sounds like here, boy! ''[whistles]'' Come on, Laddie!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[to the Carpet]'' I must have hit my head harder than I thought.
:'''Genie''': Do you smoke? Mind if I do? Oh, sorry, Cheeta, I hope I didn't singe the fur!
:''[Abu is comically scared before the Carpet laughs]''
:'''Genie''': ''[noticed the Carpet]'' Hey, Rugman! Haven't seen you in a few millennia! Give me some tassel! ''[to Aladdin]'' Yo yo! Yeah! Say, you're a lot smaller than my last master. Either that or I'm getting bigger. Look at me from the side, do I look different to you?
:'''Aladdin''': Wait a minute! I'm your master?
:'''Genie''': That's right! He can be taught!! What would you wish of me, ''[assumes a muscular physique and a deep [[w:Arnold Schwarzenegger|Arnold Schwarzenegger]]-esque accent]'' the ever-impressive, ''[appears in a [[Superman II#General Zod|Phantom Zone]]-esque stretchy bubble]'' the long-contained, ''[creates a ventriloquist's dummy in his likeness, affecting a [[w:Señor Wences|Señor Wences]]-esque high-pitched voice]'' often imitated, ''[creates multiple copies of himself]'' but never duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated... Genie Of The Lamp! ''[turns into a caricature of [[w:Ed Sullivan|Ed Sullivan]] as the copies applaud]'' Right here, direct from the lamp, right here for your very much wish fulfillment. Thank you!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[getting it clear]'' Whoa! Wish fulfillment?
:'''Genie''': Three wishes to be exact. And ix-nay on the wishing for more wishes. That's it, three. ''[affects a [[w:Groucho Marx|Groucho Marx]] impression]'' Uno, dos, tres. No substitutions, exchanges or refunds.
:''[Aladdin stares before deadpan]''
:'''Aladdin''': ''[to Abu]'' Now I know I'm dreaming.
:'''Genie''': ''[music for &quot;Friend Like Me&quot; begins]'' Master, I don't think you quite realize what you've got here! So why don't you just ruminate, whilst I illuminate the possibilities. ''[singing]'' Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves / Scheherezade had a thousand tales / But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeves / You got a brand of magic never fails / You got some power in your corner now / Some heavy ammunition in your camp / You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how / See all you gotta do is rub that lamp / And I'll say...| Mister Aladdin, sir / What will your pleasure be? / Let me take your order / Jot it down / You ain't never had a friend like me...| Life is your restaurant / And I'm your maître d' / C'mon whisper what it is you want / You ain't never had a friend like me...| Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service / You're the boss / The king, the shah / Say what you wish / It's yours, true dish / How about a little more Baklava?| Have some of column A / Try all of column B / I'm in the mood to help you dude / You ain't never had a friend like me...| Can your friends do this? / Do your friends do that? / Do your friends pull this out their little hat? / Can your friends go poof? / Well, looky here / Can your friends go, Abracadabra, let 'er rip / And then make the sucker disappear?| So dontcha sit there slack-jawed, buggy-eyed / I'm here to answer all your midnight prayers / You got me bona fide, certified / You got a genie for your charge d'affaires / I got a powerful urge to help you out / So what-cha wish? / I really want to know / You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt / Well, all you gotta do is rub like so - and oh...| Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three / I'm on the job, you big nabob / You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend / You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend / You ain't never had a friend like me / You ain't never had a friend like me, hah!| ''[song fades]''
:''[Back at the cave is empty again, save for Aladdin, Abu, the Carpet and the Genie, who now has a glowing neon &quot;Applause&quot; sign above his head]''
:'''Genie''': So what'll it be, Master?
:'''Aladdin''': You're gonna grant me any three wishes I want?
:'''Genie''': ''[affecting a [[William F. Buckley]] accent]'' Ah, almost. There are a few provisos, a couple of quid pro quos.
:'''Aladdin''': Like?
:'''Genie''': Ah, first rule: I can't kill anybody. ''[slices his head off with his finger]'' So don't ask. Second rule: I can't make anyone fall in love with anyone else. ''[Genie's head turns into a big pair of lips which kiss Aladdin]'' You little punim, there. ''[lies flat, then gets up and transforms into a zombie affecting a [[w:Peter Lorre|Peter Lorre]] accent]'' Third rule: I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture. ''[grabs Aladdin and shakes him]'' '''I DON'T LIKE DOING IT!''' ''[poofs back to normal]'' Other than that, you got it!
:'''Aladdin''': Ah, provisos? You mean limitations? On wishes? ''[to Abu]'' Some all powerful genie. Can't even bring people back from the dead. I don't know, Abu. He probably can't even get us out of this cave. Looks like we're gonna have to find a way out of here.
:'''Genie''': ''[stomps his foot in front of them, affects a [[w:Travis Bickle|Travis Bickle]]-esque [[w:Brooklyn accent|Brooklyn accent]], angrily and lost patience]'' Excuse me? Are you lookin' at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here? And all of a sudden, you're walkin' out on me?! I don't think so! &lt;big&gt;'''''NOT right now! YOU'RE GETTIN' YOUR WISHES, SO SIT DOWN!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Aladdin and Abu sit on the carpet; Genie joins them and turns into a stewardess]'' In case of emergency, the exits are here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, anywhere! Keep your hands and arms inside the Carpet! WEEEEEEEEEEEE'RE... ''[they pop out of the cave and soar into the distance]'' &lt;big&gt;''...OUTTA HERE!''&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The next morning, inside The Sultan's palace, Jafar is there with Iago, Jasmine and The Sultan]''
:'''Sultan''': Jafar, this is an outrage. If it weren't for all your years of loyal service... From now on, you're to discuss sentencing of prisoners with me, before they are beheaded.
:'''Jafar''': I assure you, Your Highness, it won't happen again.
:'''Sultan''': Jasmine, Jafar, now let's put this whole messy business behind us. Please?
:'''Jafar''': My most abject and humblest apologies to you as well, Princess.
:''[Jafar takes her hand to kiss it, but she yanks it away]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': At least some good will come of my being forced to marry. When I am queen, I will have the power to get rid of you.
:'''Sultan''': That's nice. All settled, then. Now, Jasmine, getting back to this suitor business, ''[looks and sees Jasmine walking out]'' Jasmine? Jasmine!
:''[The Sultan runs after her]''
:'''Jafar''': If only I had gotten that lamp!
:'''Iago''': ''[Jasmine's voice]'' I will have the power to get rid of you! ''[normal voice]'' Doh! To think, we gotta keep kissing up to that chump, and his chump daughter for the rest of our lives...
:'''Jafar''': No, Iago. Only until she finds a chump husband. Then she'll have us banished, or beheaded!
:'''Jafar and Iago''': Eeewww!
:'''Iago''': ''[has an idea]'' Oh! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Jafar? What if you were the chump husband?
:'''Jafar''': ''[looks at Iago in insult]'' What?
:'''Iago''': Okay, you marry the Princess, all right? Then, uh, you become Sultan!
:'''Jafar''': Oh! Marry the shrew? I become Sultan. The idea has merit!
:'''Iago''': Yes, merit! Yes! And then we drop Papa-in-Law and the little woman off a cliff! ''[dive bombs into the floor]'' Kersplat!
:'''Jafar''': Iago, I love the way your foul little mind works!
:''[Both laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[We scene switches to an oasis in the desert, where Carpet is coming in for a landing]''
:'''Genie''': ''[still as stewardess, now using a [[w:Carol Channing|Carol Channing]]-esque voice]'' Thank you for choosing Magic Carpet for all your travel needs. Don't stand until the rug has come to a complete stop. ''[as Aladdin and Abu get off down the stairway formed by Carpet]'' Thank you. Goodbye, goodbye! Thank you! Goodbye! ''[back to normal]'' Well, how about that, Mr. Doubting Mustafa?
:'''Aladdin''': Oh, you sure showed me. Now about my three wishes--
:'''Genie''': Dost mine ears deceive me? Three? You are down by ONE, boy!
:'''Aladdin''': Ah, no. I never actually wished to get out of the cave. You did that on your own.
:''[Genie thinks for a second, then his jaw drops. He turns into a sheep]''
:'''Genie''': Well, don't I feel just sheepish? All right, you baaaaad boy, but no more freebies.
:'''Aladdin''': Fair deal. So, three wishes. I want them to be good. ''[to Genie]'' What would you wish for?
:''[Genie is hanging like a hammock between two trees]''
:'''Genie''': Me? No one's ever asked me that before. Well, in my case, ah, forget it.
:'''Aladdin''': What?
:'''Genie''': No, I can't. I...
:'''Aladdin''': Come on, tell me.
:'''Genie''': Freedom.
:'''Aladdin''': You're a prisoner?
:'''Genie''': It's all part-and-parcel, the whole genie gig. ''[grows gigantic, voice echoes]'' Phenomenal cosmic powers! ''[shrinks down, cramped in Magic Lamp]'' Itty-bitty living space.
:'''Aladdin''': Genie, that's terrible.
:'''Genie''': ''[comes out of the lamp]'' But, oh, to be free. Won't have to go &quot;Poof! What do you need? Poof! What do you need? Poof! What do you need?&quot; To be my own master, such a thing would be greater than all the riches and all the treasures in all the world! But what am I talking about? Let's be real here. It's not gonna happen. Genie, wake up and smell the hummus!
:'''Aladdin''': Why not?
:'''Genie''': The only way I get outta this, is if my master wishes me out. So, you can guess how often that's happened.
:'''Aladdin''': I'll do it. I'll set you free.
:'''Genie''': ''[Head turns into [[Pinocchio (1940 film)|Pinocchio's]] with a long nose]'' Uh huh, yeah, right. Whoop!
:'''Aladdin''': No, really, I promise. ''[He pushes the nose back in and Genie's head returns to normal.]'' After I make my first two wishes, I use my third wish to set you free. ''[He holds out his hand]''
:'''Genie''': Well, here's hopin'. ''[Shakes Aladdin's hand.]'' All right. Let's make some magic! ''[Turns into a magician.]'' So how 'bout it? What is it you want most?
:'''Aladdin''': Well... there's this girl.
:'''Genie''': Eehhh, wrong! ''[Like a buzzer, and Genie's chest shows a heart with a cross through it.]'' I can't make anybody fall in love, remember?
:'''Aladdin''': Oh, but-- but Genie, she’s smart and-- and fun, and...
:'''Genie''': Pretty?
:'''Aladdin''': Beautiful! She's got these eyes that just... and this hair, wow... and her smile. ''[sighs]''
:'''Genie''': ''[Sitting in a Parisian cafe with Abu and Carpet.]'' Ah, mi, c'est l'amour.
:'''Aladdin''': But she's the Princess. To even have a chance, I'd have to be... Hey... can you make me a prince?
:'''Genie''': Let's see here. ''[Pulls out a &quot;Royal Cookbook&quot;.]'' Chicken à la king? ''[Pulls out a chicken with a crown on its head]'' Nope. Alaskan king crab. ''[Yanks out his finger, and we see Sebastian from &quot;'''[[w:The Little Mermaid (1989 film)|The Little Mermaid]]'''&quot; clamped on.]'' Ow. I'd hate it when they do that. Caesar salad? Ah! ''[An arm wielding a dagger comes out and tries to stab him.]'' [[w:Et tu, Brute|Et tu, Brute?]] No. Aha. &quot;To make a prince.&quot; ''[Looks slyly at Aladdin.]'' Now is that an official wish? Say the magic words!
:'''Aladdin''': Genie, I wish for you to make me a prince!
:'''Genie''': All riiiiight! ''[Takes on square shoulders and briefly looks like [[w:Arsenio Hall|Arsenio Hall]]]'' Yo, yo, whoof, whoof, whoof! ''[Then becomes a tailor/fashion designer.]'' First, that fez and vest combo is much too third century. These patches--what are we trying to say--beggar? No! Let’s work with me here. ''[He takes Aladdin's measurements, wraps him up in measuring tape, pulls it away and Aladdin is outfitted in his prince costume.]'' I like it, muy macho! Now, still needs something. What does it say to me? It says mode of transportation. Excuse me, monkey boy! Aquí, over here!
:''[Abu tries to cover himself with Carpet, but Genie zaps him and he flies over.]''
:'''Abu''': Uh oh!
:'''Genie''': ''[doing a [[w:Jerry Lewis|Jerry Lewis]] impression]'' Here he comes, ''[Aladdin and Genie are on a game show set, where Aladdin stands behind a podium with &quot;Al&quot; on it.]'' and what better way to make your grand entrance on the streets of Agrabah, than riding your very own brand new camel! Watch out, they spit!
:''[A door bearing the Genie's head on it opens, where Abu is transformed into a camel. He spits out the side of his mouth on cue. But the Genie's not sure.]''
:'''Genie''': Mmm, not enough.
:''[The Genie snaps his fingers and Abu turns into a fancy white horse.]''
:'''Genie''': Still not enough. Let's see. What do you need?
:''[The Genie snaps his fingers repeatedly, turning Abu into: a duck, an ostrich, a turtle, and a '57 Cadillac, with license plate &quot;Abu 1.&quot; Finally, he's returned to normal.]''
:'''Genie''': Yes! Esalalumbo, shimin '''[[Dumbo]]'''! Whoa!!
:''[And on the keyword of the spell, '''[[Dumbo]]''', Abu turns into an elephant. Carpet struggles to get out from under Abu's size 46 feet.]''
:'''Genie''': Talk about your trunk space, check this action out!
:''[Abu sees his reflection in a pool of water, then jumps into a tree. The tree naturally bends right back down to the ground, where Abu hangs on and looks at Aladdin upside down.]''
:'''Aladdin''': Abu, you look good.
:'''Genie''': He's got the outfit, he's got the elephant, but we're not through yet. Hang on to your turban, kid, we're gonna make you a star!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[We zoom out slowly with the oasis in the distance, as fireworks begin to explode outward. Cut to a stack of a pile of toys. (Look for the Beast from &quot;'''[[w:Beauty and the Beast (1991 film)|Beauty and the Beast]]'''&quot; here.) We tilt up and see The Sultan balancing them. He carefully balances the last piece on top, then sits back and sighs. Jafar storms in, though, and the pile collapses.]''
:'''Jafar''': Sire, I have found a solution to the problem with your daughter.
:'''Iago''': Awk! The problem with your daughter!
:'''Sultan''': Oh, really?
:'''Jafar''': ''[Unrolling a scroll]'' Right here. &quot;If the Princess has not chosen a husband by the appointed time, then The sultan shall choose for her.&quot;
:'''Sultan''': But Jasmine hated all those suitors! ''[He tries to stuff a cracker into Iago's mouth. Iago backs away. The Sultan absentmindedly pulls the cracker back.]'' How could I choose someone she hates? ''[Iago is relieved, but The Sultan quickly stuffs a cracker in his mouth.]''
:'''Jafar''': Not to worry, my liege. There is more. If, in the event a suitable prince cannot be found, a princess must then be wed to... hmm... interesting.
:'''Sultan''': What? Who?
:'''Jafar''': The royal vizier! Why, that would be...me!
:'''Sultan''': Why, I thought the law says that only a prince can marry a princess, I'm quite sure.
:'''Jafar''': Desperate times call for desperate measures, my lord. ''[He pulls out the staff and hypnotizes The Sultan with it.]''
:'''Sultan''': Yes... desperate measures...
:'''Jafar''': You will order the Princess to marry me.
:'''Sultan''': I... will order... the Princess... to... ''[the spell breaks momentarily]'' ...but you're so old!
:'''Jafar''': ''[Holds the staff closer]'' The Princess WILL marry me!
:''[The trumpet fanfare of &quot;Prince Ali&quot; begins]''
:'''Sultan''': The Princess will marry... What? What is that? That music! Ha ha ha. Jafar, you must come and see this!
:'''Chorus''': Make way for Prince Ali / Say hey! It's Prince Ali.
:'''Genie''': ''[singing]'' Hey, clear the way in the old bazaar / Hey, you! Let us through, it's a bright new star / Oh, come be the first on your block to meet his eye / Make way, here he comes, ring bells, bang the drums! / Oh, you're gonna love this guy!| Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababwa / Genuflect, show some respect / Down on one knee / Now, try your best to stay calm / Brush up your [[Sunday]] salaam / Then come and meet his spectacular coterie / Prince Ali, mighty is he, Ali Ababwa / Strong as ten regular men, definitely. ''[speaking as [[w:Walter Brennan|Walter Brennan]]]'' He faced the galloping hordes! ''[singing]'' A hundred bad guys with swords / ''[as [[w:Lou Albano|Lou Albano]]]'' Who sent those goons to their lords? Why, Prince Ali!
:'''Chorus''': He's got 75 golden camels.
:'''Genie''': ''[as [[w:Harry Reasoner|Harry Reasoner]]]'' Don't they look lovely, June?
:'''Girls''': Purple peacocks, he's got 53.
:'''Genie''': ''[as [[w:June Lockhart|June Lockhart]] or [[w:Mary Hart|Mary Hart]]]'' Fabulous, Harry, I love the feathers. ''[singing]'' When it comes to exotic-type mammals / Has he got a zoo? I'm telling you.
:'''Genie and Chorus and Girls''': It's a world-class menagerie.
:'''Genie and Girls''': ''[Genie doing an [[w:Ethel Merman|Ethel Merman]] impression]'' Prince Ali, handsome is he, there's no question, this Ali's alluring / Ali Ababwa, never ordinary, never boring / That physique! How can I speak? / Weak at the knee, everything about the man just plain impresses / Well, get on out in that square, he's a winner, he's a wiz, a wonder / Adjust your veil and prepare, he's about to pull my heart asunder / To gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Ali, and I absolutely love the way he dresses.
:'''Chorus and Girls''': He's got 95 white Persian monkeys / He's got the monkeys, let's see the monkeys / And to view them, he charges no fee / He's generous, so generous / He's got slaves, he's got servants and flunkies / Proud to work for him! / They bow to his whim, love serving him / They're just lousy with loyalty to Ali, Prince Ali.
:'''Genie and Chorus and Girls''': Prince Ali, amorous he, Ali Ababwa.
:'''Genie''': ''[singing]'' Heard your princess was a sight lovely to see! / And that, good people, is why / He got dolled up and dropped by.
:'''Chorus and Girls''': With 60 elephants, llamas galore / With his bears and lions, a brass band and more / With his forty fakirs, his cooks, his bakers / His birds that warble on key / Make way for Prince Ali! ''[fanfare ends]''
:'''Sultan''': ''[clapping]'' Splendid, absolutely marvelous.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[clears throat]'' Your Majesty, I have journeyed from afar to seek your daughter's hand.
:'''Sultan''': Prince Ali Ababwa! Of course. I'm delighted to meet you. ''[rushes over and shakes Aladdin's hand]'' This is my royal vizier, Jafar. He's delighted too.
:'''Jafar''': ''[extremely dryly]'' Ecstatic. I'm afraid, Prince Abooboo...
:'''Aladdin''': ...Ababwa!
:'''Jafar''': Whatever. You cannot just parade in here uninvited and expect to...
:'''Sultan''': ...by Allah, this is quite a remarkable device. ''[tugs at the tassels, and they tug his moustache]'' I don't suppose I might...
:'''Aladdin''': Why certainly, Your Majesty. Allow me.
:''[He helps The Sultan up onto the Carpet, and he plops down. Jafar pins the Carpet down on the floor with the staff]''
:'''Jafar''': Sire, I must advise against this.
:'''Sultan''': Oh, button up, Jafar. Learn to have a little fun.
:''[He kicks away the staff and Carpet and Sultan fly away. Iago, who was standing on the head of the staff, falls down, repeatedly bopping the staff with his beak as he descends. Sultan and Carpet fly high into the ceiling, then begin a dive-bomb attack, flying under Abu, scaring him. The flight continues in the background, while Jafar and Ali talk in the foreground]''
:'''Jafar''': Just where did you say you were from?
:'''Aladdin''': Oh, much farther than you've traveled, I'm sure. ''[smiles. Jafar does not]''
:'''Jafar''': Try me. ''[Iago lands on the staff]''
:'''Sultan''': Look out, Polly!
:''[They all duck in time as the Carpet whizzes centimeters over their heads. Carpet returns and The Sultan chases Iago around the room]''
:'''Iago''': Hey, watch it. Watch it with the dumb rug!
:''[The Carpet zooms underneath Iago, who sighs, wipes his brow, and crashes into a pillar. He crashes to the floor, and his head is circled by miniature Sultan's on Carpet's, saying &quot;Have a cracker, have a cracker.&quot; The real Sultan begins his final approach]''
:'''Sultan''': Out of the way, I'm coming in to land. Jafar, watch this! ''[he lands]''
:'''Jafar''': Spectacular, Your Highness.
:'''Sultan''': Ooh, that was lovely. Yes, I do seem to have a knack for it. ''[Carpet walks over to Abu dizzily, then collapses. Abu catches it]'' This is a very impressive youth. And a prince besides. ''[whispers to Jafar]'' If we're lucky, you won't have to marry Jasmine after all.
:'''Jafar''': I don't trust him, Sire.
:'''Sultan''': Nonsense. One thing I pride myself on Jafar, I'm an excellent judge of character.
:'''Iago''': Oh, excellent judge, yeah, sure... not!!!
:''[Jasmine walks in quietly]''
:'''Sultan''': Jasmine will like this one!
:'''Aladdin''': And I'm pretty sure I'll like Princess Jasmine!
:'''Jafar''': Your Highness, no. I must intercede on Jasmine's behalf. ''[Jasmine hears this and gets mad]'' This boy is no different than the others. What makes him think he is worthy of the princess?
:'''Aladdin''': Your Majesty, I am Prince Ali Ababwa! ''[pricks Jafar's goatee, which springs out in all directions]'' Just let her meet me. I will win your daughter!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': How dare you? ''[they all look at her surprised]'' All of you, standing around deciding my future? I am not a prize to be won! ''[storms out]''
:'''Sultan''': Oh, dear. Don't worry, Prince Ali. Just give Jasmine time to cool down. ''[they exit]''
:'''Jafar''': I think it's time to say goodbye to Prince Abooboo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jasmine on her balcony at night. We tilt down and find Aladdin and company in the courtyard]''
:'''Aladdin''': What am I going to do? Jasmine won't even let me talk to her. I should have known I couldn't pull off this stupid prince wish.
:''[Abu struggles with his elephant paws to open a banana. He squishes it, and the banana squirts into his eye. He then tosses the banana peel into a heaping pile of the same]''
:'''Genie''': ''[to Carpet, playing chess]'' So move! ''[Carpet does, knocking a black piece off the board]'' Hey, that's a good move. ''[as [[Rodney Dangerfield]]]'' I can't believe it-- I'm losing to a rug.
:'''Aladdin''': Genie, I need help.
:'''Genie''': ''[as [[Jack Nicholson]]]'' Okay, Sparky, here's the deal. You wanna court the Little Lady, you gotta be a straight shooter, do ya got it?
:'''Aladdin''': What?
:'''Genie''': ''[back to normal, points out his words on a blackboard]'' Tell her the...&lt;big&gt;'''TRUTH!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': No way! If Jasmine found out I was really some crummy street rat, ''[downcast]'' she'd laugh at me. ''[dons turban]''
:'''Genie''': ''[turns turban into a lamp shade]'' A woman appreciates a man who can make her laugh! Al, all joking aside, you really oughtta be yourself.
:'''Aladdin''': Hey, that's the last thing I want to be. Okay, I'm gonna go see her. I gotta be smooth, cool, confident. How do I look?
:''[The Genie regards him a little sadly. Gestures, the turban is restored]''
:'''Genie''': ''[false good humor]'' Like a prince.
:''[Aladdin flies up to the balcony on Carpet. Jasmine is on her bed, sighing. Rajah is by her side]''
:'''Aladdin''': ''[from a distance]'' Princess Jasmine?
:''[Rajah looks up and growls]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Who's there?
:'''Aladdin''': It's me, Prince Ali. Ahem-- ''[then he jumps to his deep voice]'' Prince Ali Ababwa.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': I do not want to see you.
:''[Jasmine turns to go inside. He moves after her, so the room light illumines him]''
:'''Aladdin''': No, no, please, Princess. Give me a chance. ''[Rajah growls and advances on him]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Just leave me alone.
:'''Aladdin''': I'll leave you alone. Down, kitty!
:''[Over the edge of the balcony, Carpet is watching with Genie below]''
:'''Genie''': How's our beau doing?
:''[Carpet cuts his neck with his finger]''
:'''Aladdin''': Good kitty, take off. Down, kitty. ''[He takes off his turban to brush Rajah away]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[looks at him thinking she has seen him before]'' Wait, wait. Do I know you?
:'''Aladdin''': ''[quickly replaces his turban]'' Uh, no, no.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': You remind me of someone I met in the marketplace.
:'''Aladdin''': The marketplace? ''[a bee buzzes around his head]'' I have servants that go to the marketplace for me. Why I even have servants who go to the marketplace for my servants, so it couldn't have been me you met.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[looks disappointed]'' No, I guess not.
:'''Genie''': ''[as a bee]'' Enough about you, Casanova. Talk about her! She's smart, fun, the hair, the eyes. Anything--pick a feature!
:'''Aladdin''': Um, Princess Jasmine? You're very...
:'''Genie''': ''[as a bee]'' Wonderful, glorious, magnificent, punctual!
:'''Aladdin''': Punctual!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Punctual?
:'''Genie''': ''[as a bee]'' Sorry.
:'''Aladdin''': Beautiful.
:'''Genie''': ''[as a bee]'' Nice recovery.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Hmm. I'm rich too, you know.
:'''Aladdin''': Yeah!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': The daughter of a sultan.
:'''Aladdin''': I know.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': A fine prize for any  prince to marry.
:'''Aladdin''': Uh, right. Right. A prince like me.
:'''Genie''': ''[as a bee; buzzing in his ear]'' Warning! Warning!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Right, a prince like you. And every other stuffed shirt, swaggering peacock I've met!
:'''Genie''': ''[as a bee; rear end on fire, wearing goggles and crashing]'' Mayday! Mayday!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Just go jump off a balcony! ''[turns and walks away]''
:'''Aladdin''': What?
:'''Genie''': ''[as a bee]'' Stop her! Stop her! Do you want me to sting her?
:'''Aladdin''': ''[swats at bee]'' Buzz off!
:'''Genie''': ''[as a bee]'' Okay, fine. But remember-- bee yourself! ''[buzzes into his turban]''
:'''Aladdin''': Yeah, right!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': What!?!
:'''Aladdin''': Uh, you're right. You aren't just some prize to be won. ''[looks disappointed]'' You should be free to make your own choice. ''[Jasmine and Rajah look at each other in confusion]'' I'll go now. ''[steps up on the ledge and drops off]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': No.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[pokes his head up from over the edge]'' No? What? What?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[now she's amazed]'' How-- how are you doing that? ''[she looks over the edge and sees the Carpet]''
:'''Aladdin''': It's a magic carpet.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': It's lovely. ''[Carpet takes Jasmine's hand with a tassel]''
:'''Aladdin''': You, uh, you don't want to go for a ride, do you? We could get out of the palace, see the world.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Is it safe?
:'''Aladdin''': Sure. Do you trust me?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[looks at him at the saying of that all-important line]'' What?
:'''Aladdin''': ''[extends his hand the same as before]'' Do you trust me?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[gets a sly grin on her face]'' Yes.
:''[Jasmine takes his hand and hops on Carpet, with the camera zooming into the sky, knocking them both into sitting positions. Brad Kane and Lea Salonga music playing a song [[w:A Whole New World|A Whole New World]]. Jasmine looks back and sees Rajah looks up at her questioningly. She gasps as they fly over the palace wall and into the sky]''
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' I can show you the world / Shining, shimmering, splendid / Tell me, Princess, now when did / You last let your heart decide?| I can open your eyes / Take you wonder by wonder / Over, sideways and under / On a magic carpet ride...| A whole new world / A new fantastic point of view / No one to tell us no / Or where to go / Or say we're only dreaming.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[singing]'' A whole new world / A dazzling place I never knew / But when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear / That now I'm in a whole new world with you.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' Now I'm in a whole new world with you.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[singing]'' Unbelievable sights / Indescribable feeling / Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling / Through an endless diamond sky...| A whole new world.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' Don't you dare close your eyes.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[singing]'' A hundred thousand things to see.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' Hold your breath, it gets better.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[singing]'' I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' I can't go back to where I used to be...| A whole new world.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[singing]'' Every turn a surprise.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' With new horizons to pursue.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[singing]'' Every moment, red-letter.
:'''Aladdin and Princess Jasmine''': ''[singing]'' I'll chase them anywhere, there's time to spare / Let me share this whole new world with you...| A whole new world, a whole new world / That's where we'll be, that's where we'll be.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' A thrilling chase.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[singing]'' A wondrous place.
:'''Aladdin and Princess Jasmine''': ''[singing]'' For you and me...| ''[song fades]''
:''[Carpet hovers along over a lake, and we see the reflection of the moon in the lake. Fireworks burst and before them is the Great Wall of China in '''[[w:Mulan (1998 film)|Mulan]]''', sitting on a rooftop]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': It's all so magical.
:'''Aladdin''': Yeah.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': It's a shame Abu had to miss this.
:'''Aladdin''': Nah, he hates fireworks. He doesn't really like flying either. That is... Oh, no!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': You're the boy from the market! I knew it. Why did you lie to me?
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine, I'm so sorry.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Did you think I was stupid?
:'''Aladdin''': No.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': That I wouldn't figure it out?
:'''Aladdin''': No. I mean, I hoped you wouldn't. No, that's not what I meant.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Who are you? Tell me the truth!
:'''Aladdin''': The truth?
:''[Aladdin looks at Carpet on rooftop]''
:'''Aladdin''': The truth, the truth is, I sometimes dress as a commoner, to escape the pressures of palace life. But I really am a prince!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Why didn't you just tell me?
:'''Aladdin''': Well, you know, uh, royalty going out into the city in disguise. It seems a little strange, don't you think?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Not that strange.
:''[Jasmine flicks up the feather, Carpet puts a tassel under his &quot;chin&quot; and looks mystified. In the palace balcony, where Aladdin and Jasmine return]''
:''[Carpet forms a set of steps and she descends. Aladdin descending below the balcony]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Good night, my handsome prince.
:'''Aladdin''': Sleep well, Princess. ''[They slowly lean forward to kiss before Carpet bumps him up and they kiss sooner than expected]'' Yes! ''[he falls back onto the Carpet, who descends to the ground]'' For the first time in my life, things are starting to go right. ''[Aladdin looks up at Jasmine's balcony, and suddenly the guards' hand grab him]''
:'''Guards''': Aha!
:'''Aladdin''': Hey! What?! ''[muffled]'' Abu? Abu?
:'''Guard''': Hold him!
:''[Razoul grabs Aladdin on his feet and his hands. Razoul ties Carpet in a knot and Jafar approaches]''
:'''Jafar''': I'm afraid you've worn out your welcome, Prince A-Boo-Boo.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[muffled]'' Why, you...
:'''Jafar''': ''[walks away]'' Make sure he's never found.
:''[Razoul hits him in the head, and he falls unconscious. In a cliff, where Razoul laughs as Aladdin's body drops into the water. He is conscious now, but his feet are tied to a rock. The rock hits the sea bottom, then the turban lands and the lamp tumbles out. He sees this and struggles to rub the lamp. However, he loses consciousness and falls to the floor. The lamp, unsettled by his movement, rolls down and rubs against his hands. It shakes, and Genie emerges with a bath brush, rubber duckie, and shower cap]''
:'''Genie''': Never fails. You get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp. ''[squeaks the duck]'' Hello? ''[sees unconscious Aladdin]'' Al? Al! Kid, snap out of it. You can't cheat on this one, I can't help you unless you make a wish. You have to say, &quot;Genie, I want you to save my life.&quot; Got it?  Okay. Come on, Aladdin!! ''[he grabs Aladdin by the shoulders and shakes him. His head goes up, then falls]'' I'll take that as a yes. ''[head turns into a siren]'' Wooga! Wooga! ''[turns into a submarine]'' Up scope! ''[he babbles in something that sounds like [[German language|German]]. On the surface, a giant water spout emerges, and lands on top of the cliff. Aladdin reawakes and coughs the water out of his lungs]'' Don't you scare me like that!
:'''Aladdin''': Genie, I-- uh, I- uh, I... ''[he can't think of how to say it, so they just hug each other]'' Thanks, Genie.
:'''Genie''': Oh, Al. I'm gettin' kind of fond of you, Kid. Not that I want to pick out curtains or anything.
:''[Inside Jasmine's room, Jasmine humming &quot;A Whole New World&quot; and unbraids her hair. The Sultan appears in one of the double doors, hypnotized]''
:'''Sultan''': ''[from a distance]'' Jasmine!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Oh, Father-- I just had the most wonderful time. I'm so happy.
:'''Sultan''': ''[tranced]'' You should be, Jasmine. I have chosen a husband for you.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': What?
:'''Sultan''': ''[the other door opens and reveals Jafar]'' You will wed Jafar.
:''[Jasmine gasps. Jafar steps forward, the sight of him]''
:'''Jafar''': You're speechless, I see. A fine quality in a wife.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': I will never marry you. ''[goes to The Sultan]'' Father, I choose Prince Ali!
:'''Jafar''': Prince Ali left!
:''[A quick pan finds Aladdin standing in the doorway to the balcony]''
:'''Aladdin''': Better check your crystal ball again, Jafar!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Prince Ali!
:''[Jafar gasps at the sight of Aladdin]''
:'''Iago''': How in the he-- ''[back to parrot-ese]'' --uh, awk!
:'''Aladdin''': Tell them the truth, Jafar! You tried to have me killed.
:'''Jafar''': What? ''[goes to The Sultan]'' Ridiculous nonsense, Your Highness. He is obviously lying.
:''[Jafar brings the staff close to The Sultan's face]''
:'''Sultan''': Obviously...lying.
:''[Aladdin sees the staff with its glowing eyes]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Father, what's wrong with you?
:'''Aladdin''': I know what's wrong.
:''[Aladdin smashes the head of the staff against the floor, Jafar flinches and the spell is broken for good]''
:'''Sultan''': Oh, oh, oh my!
:'''Aladdin''': Your Highness, Jafar's been controlling you with this! ''[he advances the staff]''
:'''Sultan''': What? Jafar? You, you traitor!
:''[The trio advances on Jafar]''
:'''Jafar''': Your Majesty, all of this can be explained.
:'''Sultan''': Guards! Guards!
:'''Iago''': Well, that's it--we're dead, forget it. Just dig a grave for both of us. We're dead.
:''[But Jafar sees the lamp in Aladdin's pocket. Jafar makes a move, but is arrested by guards]''
:'''Sultan''': Arrest Jafar at once.
:'''Jafar''': ''[a hiss]'' This is not done yet, boy!
:''[Aladdin leaps at him, but Jafar throws down a smoke pellet. A large red cloud appears. Jafar is gone. Jasmine helps Aladdin up, embraces him]''
:'''Sultan''': Find him, search everywhere!
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine, are you all right?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Yes.
:''[They lean in to kiss, but The Sultan barges between them]''
:'''Sultan''': Jafar, my most trusted counselor, plotting against me all this time. This is horrible, just horrible. How will I ever--
:''[The Sultan notices Jasmine and Aladdin, and looks at the pair]''
:'''Sultan''': Can it be true? My daughter has finally chosen a suitor? ''[she nods]'' Ha, ha! Praise Allah! You brilliant boy, I could kiss you! I won't--I'll leave that to my... ''[Aladdin beams]'' But you two will be wed at once! Yes, yes. And you'll be happy and prosperous, and then my boy, you will be sultan!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[surprised]'' Sultan?
:'''Sultan''': Yes, a fine upstanding youth like yourself, a person of your unimpeachable moral character is exactly what this kingdom needs!
:''[Aladdin looks concerned at this. Inside Jafar's chambers, Jafar and Iago enter]''
:'''Iago''': We gotta get outta here! We gotta get-- I gotta start packing, Your Highness. Only essentials.
:''[Iago starts throwing things out of his cage. Jafar smiles broadly]''
:'''Iago''': We gotta travel light! Bring the guns, the weapons, the knives ''[stops and takes out a picture of himself and Jafar]'' and how about this picture? I don't know--I think I'm making a weird face in it.
:''[Jafar laughs, a bit wildly]''
:'''Iago''': Oh, boy. He's cracked. He's gone nuts. ''[Iago flies down to him and knocks on his head]'' Jafar? Jafar? Get a grip, Jafar! ''[Jafar grabs him around the neck]'' Good grip!
:'''Jafar''': Prince Ali is nothing more than that ragged urchin Aladdin. ''[loosens his grip]'' He has the lamp, Iago.
:'''Iago''': Why that miserable--
:'''Jafar''': But you are going to relieve him of it!
:'''Iago''': Me?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Outside the palace, Aladdin is looking at the gardens]''
:'''Aladdin''': ''[to himself]'' Sultan? You want me to be &quot;sultan&quot;?
:'''Genie''': ''[comes out of his lamp]'' Huzzah! Hail the conquerin' hero! ''[He turns into a one-man band. He sees Aladdin walk away with his head hung. He stops, scratches his head, comes up with an idea, then zooms over to Aladdin. He holds up his hands like a director scoping a picture and we look through them.]'' Aladdin! You've just won the heart of The Princess. What are you gonna do next?
:''[Aladdin sadly walks to the bed. He goes to him and pulls out a script]''
:'''Genie''': Psst, your line is &quot;I'm going to free the genie.&quot; Anytime.
:'''Aladdin''': Genie, I can't.
:'''Genie''':  Sure ya can. You just go, ''[grabs Aladdin’s head and uses him as a mock ventriloquist's dummy]'' &quot;Genie, I wish you free.&quot;
:'''Aladdin''': ''[pulls him away]'' I'm serious! Look, I'm sorry-- I really am. But they wanna make me Sultan-- no, they wanna make Prince Ali sultan. Without you, I'm just Aladdin.
:'''Genie''': Al, you've won!
:'''Aladdin''': Because of you! The only reason anyone thinks I'm worth anything is because of you. What if they find out I'm not really a prince? What do you bet Jasmine finds out? I'd lose her. Genie, I-I can't keep this up on my own. I... I can't wish you free.
:'''Genie''': ''[obviously hurt]'' Fine. I understand. After all, you've lied to everyone else. Hey, I was just beginning to feel left out. Now, if you'll excuse me, &quot;Master&quot;. ''[vanishes into his lamp]''
:'''Aladdin''': ''[picks up his lamp]'' Genie, I'm really sorry. ''[a tongue comes out of the spout and blows raspberry at him, he angrily covers it with a pillow]'' Well, fine! Then just... '''stay''' in there! ''[sees Abu and Carpet looking at him, bitterly but still angry]'' What are you guys lookin' at? ''[Abu and Carpet sadly starts leaving]'' Look, I... I-I'm sor... Abu, I'm sorry. I didn't... Wait. Come on. ''[sighs]'' What am I doing? Genie's right--I gotta tell Jasmine the truth.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[off-screen]'' Ali, oh Ali--will you come here?
:'''Aladdin''': ''[putting on his turban]'' Well, here goes. ''[walks into the garden]'' Jasmine? Where are you?
:''[We see Iago wearing a beak and standing in stilts next of a flamingo in the pond. He is imitating Jasmine's voice]''
:'''Iago''': Out in the menagerie, hurry.
:'''Aladdin''': I'm coming.
:''[We see Aladdin hurry past, not noticing the birds. Iago laughs, then turns back and looks into the face of a flamingo, who is panting and sighs]''
:'''Iago''': Ya got a problem, pinky? ''[he sweeps the bird sneaks from under it. Iago rushes into the palace and finds the lamp under the pillow]'' Boy, Jafar's gonna be happy to see you! Excellent! ''[stretches his face and imitating Jafar's voice]'' Good work, Iago! ''[normal voice]'' Ah, go on. ''[Jafar's voice]'' No, really--on a scale of one to ten, you are an eleven! ''[normal voice]'' Ah, Jafar--you're too kind. I'm embarrassed, I'm blushing.
:''[Iago flies away with the lamp]''
:''[Outside the palace entrance, The Sultan is standing on top, gates open, throngs of people cheering]''
:'''Sultan''': People of Agrabah, my daughter has finally chosen a suitor!
:''[She behind the curtain, where Jasmine is peeking. Aladdin appears at the bottom of the stairs]''
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Ali, where have you been?
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine, there's something I've got to tell you.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': The whole kingdom has turned out for father's announcement!
:'''Aladdin''': No. But Jasmine, listen to me, please! You don't understand...
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Good luck!
:''[Jasmine pushes him out onto the platform with The Sultan, the crowd cheers]''
:'''Sultan''': ...Ali Ababwa!
:'''Aladdin''': Oh, boy!
:''[Jafar and Iago are watching The Sultan's coronation.]''
:'''Iago''': Look at them, cheering that little pipsqueak.
:'''Jafar''': Let them cheer. ''[rubs the lamp]''
:'''Genie''': ''[comes out of the lamp]'' Ya know, Al, I'm getting really-- ''[sees Jafar]'' I don't think you're him. ''[reads the script]'' Tonight, the part of Al will be played by a tall, dark and sinister ugly man.
:'''Jafar''': ''[grabs Genie and pins him under his foot]'' I am your master now!
:'''Genie''': I was afraid of that.
:'''Jafar''': Genie, grant me my first wish! I wish to rule on high &lt;big&gt;'''''AS SULTAN!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Outside where dark clouds circle the palace like '''[[w:Dark Cloud|Dark Cloud]]'''. The palace earthshakes. The roof rips off and The Sultan and Aladdin duck.''
:'''Aladdin''': Whoa!
:'''Sultan''': Bless my soul. What is this? What's going on? Oh, my goodness, what's happening?
:''[His turban lifts off his head. When The Sultan grabs it, his whole body flies up, then is stripped of all his clothing except his underwear. The clothes reappears in Jafar]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Father.
:''[Jafar laughs evilly]''
:'''Sultan''': Jafar, you vile betrayer.
:'''Iago''': That's Sultan Vile Betrayer to you.
:'''Aladdin''': Oh, yeah? Well, we'll just see about that! ''[pulls off his own turban, but finds it empty]'' The lamp!
:'''Jafar''': Finders-keepers, Abooboo.
:''[They both look up and see a gigantic Genie lift the palace into the thunder cackling. Aladdin gasps. The Genie destroys the palace. Aladdin whistles and Carpet flies up to greet him. The villagers run and scream. They fly up near the Genie's head]''
:'''Aladdin''': Genie! No!
:'''Genie''': Sorry, kid--I got a new master now.
:''[The Genie places the palace on top of a mountain]''
:'''Sultan''': Jafar, I order you to stop!
:'''Jafar''': Ah, but there's a new order now--my order! Finally, you will bow to me!
:''[The Sultan bows, but Jasmine does not]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': We'll never bow to you!
:'''Iago''': Why am I not surprised?
:'''Jafar''': If you will not bow before a sultan, then you will cower before a sorcerer! ''[to Genie]'' Genie, my second wish--I wish to be the most powerful sorcerer in the world!
:''[Genie extends his finger. Aladdin tries to stop him, but he cannot, and another Genie (tm) brand lightning bolt strikes Jafar, returning him to his normal look]''
:'''Iago''': Ladies and gentlemen, a warm Agrabah welcome for Sorcerer Jafar!
:'''Jafar''': Now where were we? Ah, yes--abject humiliation!
:''[Jafar zaps Jasmine and The Sultan with his staff, and they both bow to him. Rajah comes running at him. He zaps Rajah, and the tiger turns into a kitty-cat]''
:'''Jafar''': Down, boy! Oh, Princess. ''[lifts her chin with his staff]'' There's someone I'm dying to introduce you to.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[off-camera]'' Jafar! Get your hands off her!
:''[Jafar zaps Aladdin. Carpet flies away]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[singing]'' Prince Ali / Yes, it is he / But not as you know him / Read my lips / And come to grips / With reality / Yes, meet a blast from your past / Whose lies were too good to last / Say hello to your precious Prince Ali.
:'''Iago''': Or should we say Aladdin?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Ali?
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine, I tried to tell you.
:'''Jafar''': ''[singing]'' So Ali / Turns out to be / Merely Aladdin / Just a con / Need I go on? / Take it from me / His personality flaws / Give me adequate cause / To send him packing on a one-way trip / So his prospects take a terminal dip / His assets frozen / The venue chosen / It's the ends of the earth, whoopee / So long...
:'''Iago''': Goodbye, see ya!
:'''Jafar''': ''[singing]'' ...ex-Prince Ali... ''[laughs]''
:''[Jafar has zapped Abu back to normal. He sends the two of them into a tall pillar, then launches it like a rocket, but not before Carpet can get in. Fade to black, then open on to a snowy wasteland, where the pillar crashes and rolls. It finally comes to a stop. Aladdin emerges, obviously very cold]''
:'''Aladdin''': Abu? ''[echoing]'' ABUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! ''[He turns back to the shivering pile of snow]'' Oh, this is all my fault. I-I should have freed The Genie when I had the chance!
:''[Aladdin digs out Abu and cradling him inside the vest]''
:'''Aladdin''': Abu, are you okay?
:'''Abu''': Mmm-hmm.
:'''Aladdin''': I'm sorry, Abu-- I made a mess of everything, somehow. I gotta go back and set things right.
:''[Aladdin steps out through the snow, and he eventually steps on a frozen Carpet]''
:'''Aladdin''': Carpet!
:''[Aladdin looks up and sees Carpet is pinned by the pillar. Aladdin tugs to try and free Carpet. He can't do it, so he begins to remove snow from the base of the pillar]''
:'''Aladdin''': Abu, start digging! That's it!
:''[Finally, enough snow has been removed, and the pillar begins to roll. Aladdin runs away, looks back, then slides into place. The pillar rolls over him, and when it is gone, Aladdin and Abu are left sitting in the patch of snow made by the window of the pillar]''
:'''Aladdin''': Yeah! All right!
:''[Aladdin looks up at his turban, made out of scared Abu. Carpet shakes off the snow and runs over to pick them up]''
:'''Aladdin''': Now, back to Agrabah! Let's go!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Outside the Agrabah, shrouded in red clouds. Inside the throne room, Iago has The Sultan, dressed in jester's clothes, and Jasmine is chained next to the throne]''
:'''Iago''': Puppet ruler want a cracker? Here's your cracker. Shove 'em all the way down your throat.  Here, have lots!
:''[Jafar pulls the chain, and Jasmine walks up to him holding an apple]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Stop it! Jafar, leave him alone!
:''[Iago stops for a second, then continues]''
:'''Jafar''': It pains me to see you reduced to this, Jasmine. ''[he takes a bite out of the apple she is holding]'' A beautiful desert bloom such as yourself should be on the arm of the most powerful man in the world. ''[he waves his finger and a crown appears]'' What do you say, my dear? Why, with you as my Queen...
:''[Jasmine picks up a glass of wine and throws it in his face]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Never!
:'''Jafar''': I'll teach you some respect! ''[she falls back as he raises his hand to slap her, then he stops]'' No. Genie, I have decided to make my final wish. I wish for Princess Jasmine to fall desperately in love with me.
:''[We see Aladdin race back into town]''
:'''Genie''': ''[again as Buckley]'' Ah, master, there are a few addendas, some quid pro quos...
:'''Jafar''': ''[whirls on him]'' Don't talk back to me, you big blue lout!
:''[Jasmine looks up and sees Aladdin, peering around a window, Abu and the Carpet at his play along]''
:'''Jafar''': You will do what I order you to do, slave!
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[stands and puts the crown on her head]'' Jafar! I never realized how incredibly handsome you are.
:''[The Genie's jaw drops]''
:'''Jafar''': Mmm. That's better. ''[pulls the Genie's jaw up like a shade]'' Now, pussycat, tell me more about... myself.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': You're tall, dark, well dressed...
:''[Jafar walks over to her. Aladdin jumps down with Abu and Genie sees them]''
:'''Genie''': Al! Al, little buddy!
:'''Aladdin''': Shh!
:'''Genie''': ''[literally zips his mouth shut, then unzips it]'' Al, I can't help you--I work for Señor Psychopath, now. ''[his head turns into Jafar's, then back]'' What are you gonna do?
:'''Aladdin''': Hey-- I'm a street rat, remember? ''[he rezips Genie's mouth]'' I'll improvise.
:''[Aladdin slides down a pile of coins and hides close to Jafar and Jasmine. Jafar's back is to Aladdin]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Cute little gaps between your teeth.
:'''Jafar''': Go on.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': And your beard...is so...twisted! You've stolen my heart.
:''[Jasmine has handsome arms around him. Jasmine pretends to twist with her finger, but she is actually motioned for Aladdin to come over, he makes his move. Iago sees him]''
:'''Iago''': Jaf--mmmmmm!
:''[Abu grabs him and covers his mouth]''
:'''Jafar''': And the Street Rat?
:'''Princess Jasmine''': What street rat?
:''[When Iago manages to knock over a bowl. Jafar turns to look, but Jasmine grabs him back and kisses him. He looks disgusted. Iago and Abu both look disgusted]''
:'''Abu''': Yecch!
:'''Jafar''': That was... ''[sees Aladdin's reflection in Jasmine's crown]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''YOU!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[He zaps Aladdin just as he is about to reach his respective lamp. Genie watches in shock]'' How many times do I have to kill you, boy?
:''[Jasmine rushes him, and he angrily throws her to the ground. Aladdin bravely rushes toward him and heroically grabs his staff]''
:'''Aladdin''': Get the lamp!
:'''Jafar''': No! ''[Jasmine runs to do so, but Jafar shakes off Aladdin, but evilly zaps her into an hourglass]'' Ah, ah, ah, Princess. Your time is up!
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine?
:''[Sand begins to flow from the top onto her, and she immediately realizes what will happen]''
:'''Iago''': Oh, nice shot, Jaf–
:''[Abu angrily knocks Iago out with the fruit bowl that fell earlier and rushes for the lamp]''
:'''Jafar''': Don't toy with me!
:''[Abu is almost to the lamp, but the blast from Jafar's staff turns him into a toy monkey, with cymbals and a wind-up key]''
:'''Aladdin''': Abu!
:''[Carpet rushes in and grabs the lamp as he flies side-by-side, but Jafar zaps him as well]''
:'''Jafar''': Things are unraveling fast now, boy! ''[Carpet unravels in midair, ending up as a pile of tangled threads and tassels. The lamp bounces away and lands in front of Aladdin]'' Get the point? ''[Aladdin runs for the lamp, but his path is blocked by a ring of large swords sticking in the floor. Aladdin reaches for his lamp, but the opening is too narrow for him to get far enough, and Jafar evilly grabs it]'' I'm just getting warmed up! ''[evilly breathes fire around Aladdin, setting the ring on fire. The Street Rat, however, yet stands his ground]''
:'''Aladdin''': &lt;big&gt;'''''ARE YOU AFRAID TO FIGHT ME YOURSELF, YOU COWARDLY SNAKE?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Jafar''': ''[emerges through the fire, suddenly getting an idea from Aladdin's statements]'' A snake, am I? Perhaps you'd like to see how snake-like I can be!
:''[He transformation into a snake, and the ring of fire around Aladdin becomes part of the snake encircling Aladdin. From inside the hourglass, Jasmine watches Jafar's transformation in shock. Meanwhile, Snake Jafar snaps at Aladdin twice, and on the third try, Aladdin swings the sword and hits Jafar. The giant snake yells in pain. Cut to four Genies as cheerleaders wearing &quot;A&quot; sweaters]''
:'''Genie''': ''[in unison]'' Rickem, rockem, rackem, rake--stick that sword into that snake!
:'''Jafar''': ''[to Genie angrily]'' You stay out of this-s-s-s!
:''[The Genies merge back into one and he waves a pennant, not wishing to root for his evil current master]''
:'''Genie''': ''[dryly]'' Jafar, Jafar, he's our man--if he can't do it, &lt;big&gt;'''''GREAT!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Meanwhile, Aladdin uses the distraction from his genie to make a break for the hourglass where Jasmine is trapped. However, Jafar sees this and blocks the path. Aladdin is thrown off, and loses his sword. He hears a shout from Jasmine]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Aladdin!
:''[Aladdin turns to see Jasmine already knee-deep in sand. He bravely jumps on a large gem and heroically slides across the floor, bravely grabbing his sword along the road. He turns a corner, but the pursuing snake cannot, and the front half of Jafar smashes through a wall and hangs outside the palace. Aladdin bravely jumps up on the snake's back and heroically stabs him hard. Jafar shrieks in agony. Cut to Aladdin, who is once again trying to free Jasmine. At this point, she is now neck-deep in sand, and sinking fast]''
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine, hang on!
:''[He is about to hit the glass with a piece of wood he caught earlier until Jafar grabs him]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[laughs hideously]'' You little fool! You thought you could defeat the most powerful being on Earth?
:'''Iago''': ''[with Genie coming up behind him]'' Squeeze him, Jafar! Squeeze him like a--awk! ''[Genie elbows him out of the road, all the while trying to look innocent]''
:'''Jafar''': Without the Genie, boy, you're nothing! ''[Aladdin suddenly glances down at Genie, who shrugs his shoulders, not knowing what to do either]''
:'''Aladdin''': The Genie? ''[has an idea]'' The Genie! &lt;big&gt;'''''THE GENIE HAS MORE POWER THAN YOU'LL EVER HAVE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Jafar''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Aladdin''': &lt;big&gt;'''''HE GAVE YOU YOUR POWER! HE CAN TAKE IT AWAY!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Genie''': ''[concerned]'' Al, what are you doing? Why are you bringing me into this?
:'''Aladdin''': &lt;big&gt;'''''FACE IT, JAFAR, YOU'RE STILL JUST...SECOND-BEST!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Jafar thinks for a moment, and realizes Aladdin's right. Genie's &quot;phenomenal cosmic powers&quot; far surpass his, meaning that he yet can't call himself the most powerful being as he thought]''
:'''Jafar''': You're right, his power does exceed my own. But not for long! ''[Jafar circles around the Genie, aiming to rectify the power discrepancy between him]''
:'''Genie''': ''[hesitantly]'' The boy's crazy. He's a little punch-drunk. ''[turns his hand into a cobra puppet and beats himself with it]'' One too many hits with the snake.
:'''Jafar''': ''[imperatively]'' Slave, I make my third wish!! I wish to be an all-powerful Genie! ''[Aladdin looks down at Genie from Jafar's coils, and Jasmine, who is now almost buried in sand, looks toward her captor as well. Then Genie sighs in defeat, knowing he has no choice but to comply with Jafar's request]''
:'''Genie''': ''[reluctantly]'' Alright, your wish is my command. Way to go, Al.
:''[Genie zaps Jafar with the last Genie-brand lightning bolt. Jafar's snake form dissipates, freeing Aladdin and he begins his transformation into a Genie. One shies from using the word &quot;orgasmic&quot; in a [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Disney]] animated feature script]''
:'''Jafar''': Yes! Yes! The power! The absolute power!
:''[At this point, all that remains of Jasmine before she disappears under the sand is her raised hand. Thankfully, Aladdin runs over and eventually smashes the glass. The sand, along with Jasmine pours out, and she coughs a bit. Jafar rises out of the palace and towards outer space like '''[[w:Star Wars (film)|Star Wars]]''', getting larger as his power grows. Down below, the wind blows fiercely to signal what's to follow]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[to Aladdin frightfully]'' What have you done?!
:'''Aladdin''': Trust me!
:''[Suddenly, a black lamp, similar to that of Genie's, appears at Jafar's base, though he is too busy manipulating the stars and planets like to notice at]''
:'''Jafar''': The universe is mine to command, to control!
:'''Aladdin''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NOT SO FAST, JAFAR! AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Jafar looks down at him questioningly, confused as to what the Street Rat is speaking about]''
:'''Jafar''': Huh?
:'''Aladdin''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''YOU WANTED TO BE A GENIE, YOU'VE GOT IT!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Jafar''': ''[shocked]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''WHAT?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': ''[back to normal]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''AND EVERYTHING THAT GOES WITH IT!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Aladdin holds up the black lamp, and it begins to suck Jafar in. He tries to escape, but its power is too strong]''
:'''Jafar''': '''''NO! NO!!'''''
:'''Iago''': I'm gettin' outta here!
:'''Aladdin''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''Phenomenal cosmic powers!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Jafar''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NOOOOOOOOO!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Iago tries to fly off, but Jafar grabs him, and he gets sucked in as well]''
:'''Iago''': Come on, you're the genie, I don't want--
:''[With one final clank, Jafar and Iago are sucked inside his lamp, and that is the last we see of them]''
:'''Aladdin''': Itty-bitty living space.
:'''Genie''': ''[ruffles Aladdin's hair]'' Al, you little genius, you!
:''[As a result of being trapped in his lamp, all of Jafar's magic undoes itself. First, Abu turns back into a real monkey and Carpet re-ravels himself. Next, Jasmine, The Sultan and Rajah stand together, and the tiger jumps up into The Sultan's arms. Just then, they are all transformed back into their regular clothes, and Rajah, now an adult tiger again, almost crushes him. Eventually, the palace reappears back in the ciy from where it was taken. Aladdin holds Jafar's lamp as he and Iago start arguing]''
:'''Jafar''': Get your blasted beak out of my face!
:'''Iago''': Oh, shut up, you moron!
:'''Jafar''': Don't tell me to shut up!
:'''Genie''': Allow me. Ten thousand years in the Cave of Wonders oughtta chill him out. ''[flicks the lamp explosion into the desert]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[last words]'' Shut up!
:''[Jafar and Iago continue to argue as they fade out]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last lines; Jasmine walks over to Aladdin. They hold hands, but both look sad]''
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine, I'm sorry I lied to you about being a prince.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': I know why you did.
:'''Aladdin''': Well, I guess this is goodbye. ''[Genie pokes his head around the corner shocked at what he is hearing]''
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Oh, that stupid law. This isn't fair. I love you.
:'''Genie''': ''[wipes away a tear]'' Al, no problem. You still got one wish left. Just say the word and you're a prince again.
:'''Aladdin''': But what about your freedom?
:'''Genie''': Hey, it's only an eternity of servitude. This is love. ''[he leans down next to her]'' Al, you're not gonna find another girl like her in a million years. Believe me, I know. I've looked.
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine, I do love you. But I gotta stop pretending to be something I'm not.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': I understand.
:''[They take one final look into each other's eyes, then Aladdin turns to the Genie]''
:'''Aladdin''': Genie, I wish for your freedom.
:'''Genie''': One prince pedigree coming up. I... What?
:'''Aladdin''': ''[he holds the lamp up to Genie]'' Genie, you're free.
:''[A transformation scene ensues, in which the shackles fall off Genie's wrists and the lamp falls uselessly to the ground. Genie picks it up and looks at it]''
:'''Genie''': ''[he can't believe it; laughing]'' I'm free. I'm free. ''[he hands the lamp to Aladdin]'' Quick, quick, wish for something outrageous. Say, &quot;I want the [[Nile]].&quot; Wish for the Nile. Try that.
:'''Aladdin''': Uh, I wish for the Nile.
:'''Genie''': No way. ''[laughs hysterically. He bounces around the balcony like a pinball]'' Oh, does that feel good! I'm free. I'm free at last. I'm hittin’ the road. I'm off to see the world. I'm...
:''[He is packing a suitcase, but looks down and sees Aladdin looking very sad]''
:'''Aladdin''': Genie, I'm... I'm gonna miss you.
:'''Genie''': ''[smiling, with a tear in his eye]'' Me too, Al. No matter what anybody says, you'll always be a prince to me.
:''[They hug. The Sultan steps forward]''
:'''Sultan''': That's right. You've certainly proven your worth as far as I'm concerned. It's that law that's the problem.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': Father?
:'''Sultan''': Well, am I sultan or am I sultan? From this day forth, The Princess shall marry whoever she deems worthy.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[she smiles widely and runs into Aladdin's arms]'' Him. I choose... I choose you, Aladdin.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[laughs]'' Call me Al.
:''[They are about to kiss when giant blue hands pull everybody together. Genie is decked out in a [[w:Hawaiian shirt|Hawaiian shirt]] with golf clubs and a [[Goofy]] hat]''
:'''Genie''': All of you, come over here. Big group hug. Do you mind if I kiss the monkey? ''[he kisses Abu]'' Ooh, hairball. Well, I can't do any more damage around this popsicle stand. ''[takes off]'' I'm outta here! Bye-bye, you two crazy lovebirds! Hey, Rugman, Ciao, I'm history. No, I'm mythology. I don't care what I am! I'm free-hee!
:''[The Genie flies up into the blue sky leaving a trail of sparkles behind him. They cut (a jump cut to make matters worse) to fireworks exploding over a nightscape. We tilt down and see Aladdin and Jasmine flying on Carpet]''
:'''Aladdin''': ''[singing]'' A whole new world.
:'''Princess Jasmine''': ''[singing]'' A whole new life.
:'''Aladdin and Princess Jasmine''': ''[with off-camera chorus]'' For you and me!
:'''Chorus''': A whole new world!
:''[They fly off into the moonlight, and after they have disappeared, the moon turns and reveals the Genie's laughing face. Suddenly the film is grabbed &quot;off the projector&quot;, the Genie lifts it up and looks at the audience]''
:'''Genie''': Made you look.
:''[Drops the film back to normal, in a normal moon. During the credits, &quot;Friend Like Me&quot; song is instrumental version]''

===PEABO BRYSON &amp; REGINA BELLE lyrics (A Whole New World)===
:'''Peabo Bryson''': I can show you the world / Shining, shimmering, splendid / Tell me, Princess, now when did / You last let your heart decide?| I can open your eyes / Take you wonder by wonder / Over, sideways and under / On a magic carpet ride...| A whole new world / A new fantastic point of view / No one to tell us no / Or where to go / Or say we're only dreaming.
:'''Regina Belle''': A whole new world / A dazzling place I never knew / But now from way up here / It's crystal clear / That now I'm in a whole new world with you...| Unbelievable sights / Indescribable feeling / Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling...| Through an endless diamond sky / A whole new world.
:'''Peabo Bryson''': Don't you dare close your eyes.
:'''Regina Belle''': A hundred thousand things to see.
:'''Peabo Bryson''': Hold your breath, it gets better.
:'''Regina Belle''': I'm like a shooting star / I've come so far / I can't go back to where I used to be
:'''Peabo Bryson''': A whole new world.
:'''Regina Belle''': With new horizons to pursue.
:'''Peabo Bryson''': I'll chase them anywhere / There's time to spare / Let me share this whole new world with you.
:'''Regina Belle''': A whole new world.
:'''Peabo Bryson''': A whole new world / A new fantastic point of view / No one to tell us no / Or where to go.
:'''Regina Belle''': Or say we're only dreaming.
:'''Peabo Bryson''': A whole new world.
:'''Regina Belle''': Every turn a surprise.
:'''Peabo Bryson''': With new horizons to pursue / Every moment red-letter.
:'''Regina Belle''': I'll chase them anywhere.
:'''Peabo Bryson''': There's time to spare.
:'''Regina Belle''': Anywhere.
:'''Peabo Bryson''': There's time to spare.
:'''Regina Belle''': Let me share this whole new world with you, you / A whole new world.
:'''Peabo Bryson''': A whole new world.
:'''Regina Belle''': That's where we'll be.
:'''Peabo Bryson''': Where we will be.
:'''Regina Belle''': A thrilling chase.
:'''Peabo Bryson''': A wondrous place / For you and me...|''[chorus singing]''
:'''Genie''': ''(post credits, special edition only:)'' You have been a fabulous audience! Tell you what, you're the best audience in the whole world. Take care of yourselves! Good night, Alice! Good night, Agrabah! Adios, amigos!

== Taglines ==
* Imagine if you had three wishes, three hopes, three dreams, and they all could come true.
* It is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts.
* A diamond in the rough.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Scott Weinger|Scott Weinger]] - Aladdin
** [[w:Brad Kane|Brad Kane]] (singing voice)
* [[Robin Williams]] - The Genie/The Peddler
** [[w:Bruce Adler|Bruce Adler]] (singing voice of Peddler)
* [[w:Jonathan Freeman (actor)|Jonathan Freeman]] - Jafar
* [[w:Linda Larkin|Linda Larkin]] - Princess Jasmine
** [[w:Lea Salonga|Lea Salonga]] (singing voice)
* [[Frank Welker]] - Abu/Rajah/Cave of Wonders
* [[w:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]] - Iago
* [[w:Douglas Seale|Douglas Seale]] - Sultan
* [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] - Razoul/Farouk
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] - Prince Achmed/Necklace Merchant/Fish Merchant/Camel/Sheep
* [[w:Charlie Adler|Charlie Adler]] - Gazeem/Melon Merchant/Nut Merchant
* Carole Jeghers - Gazeem's horse
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] - Royal Guards

== About ''Aladdin'' ==

* The supporting characters are all depicted as nasty mean, people. While the Aladdin character, Jasmine and her father speak unaccented, standard Americanized English all the bad guys speak in foreign accents. The lesson is that anyone with a foreign accent is bad. This is horrendous racism.
** [[w:Don Bustany|Don Bustany]], president of L.A. chapter of the [[w:American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee|American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee]], [http://articles.latimes.com/1993-07-10/entertainment/ca-11747_1_altered-lyric &quot;Disney Will Alter Song in 'Aladdin' : Movies: Changes were agreed upon after Arab-Americans complained that some lyrics were racist. Some Arab groups are not satisfied.&quot;], quoted by David J. Fox, ''Los Angeles Times'', (1993-07-10).

* I saw something that speculates that the peddler at the beginning of 'Aladdin' is the Genie. That's true!&quot;
:* [[w:Ron Clements|Ron Clements]], [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/aladdin-directors-actually-confirm-crazy-fan-theory_5620fab6e4b08d94253eb6f7 &quot;Aladdin Directors Actually Confirm Crazy Fan Theory&quot;], interviewed by Bill Bradley, ''Huffington Post'', (10/16/2015). 

* One of the things [directors] Ron [Clements], John [Musker], and I were talking about was that, originally, when he came in to the first session, he said, “Do you want me to do kind of an ethnic voice for the Genie?” And we said, “No, no, just be yourself.” And we realized later that “being yourself” for Robin Williams is like being 98 different characters at once. [Laughs].
:* [[w:Eric Goldberg|Eric Goldberg]] [http://moviemezzanine.com/interview-eric-goldberg-of-aladdin/ &quot;Interview Eric Goldberg of Aladdin&quot;], interviewed by ''Movie Mezzanine'', (Oct 12, 2015).

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Aladdin (1992 Disney film)}}
{{commonscat|Aladdin (1992 film)}} 
* {{Official website|http://movies.disney.com/aladdin}}
* {{IMDb title|0103639|Aladdin}}
* {{Allmovie title|1338|Aladdin}}
* {{mojo title|aladdin|Aladdin}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|1042582|Aladdin}}


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[[Category:1992 animated films]]
[[Category:1992 American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American animated romance films]]
[[Category:Disney's Aladdin]]
[[Category:Middle Eastern mythology]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ron Clements]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Musker]]
[[Category:Animated films about princesses]]
[[Category:Films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Animated films set in the Middle East]]
[[Category:Disney Princess films]]
[[Category:1990s English-language films]]
[[Category:Disney Renaissance]]
[[Category:American fantasy comedy films]]
[[Category:American romantic fantasy films]]</text>
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== New report 2026-06-30, 11:16 ==

* {{Vandal|Osinowomagnusadelanidr}}
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[[:w:WP:AB]] ([[Special:Contributions/Osinowomagnus]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:16, 30 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 23:24, 30 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-07-1, 12:13 ==

* {{Vandal|Eugenewilson8}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:13, 1 July 2026 (UTC)
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== New report 2026-07-3, 12:05 ==

* {{Vandal|Zubairrehman121}}

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== New report 2026-07-4, 16:28 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-34509-30}}

Repeatedly removed the VFD notice from [[My Hero Academia|an article I nominated for deletion]] and is currently actively edit warring. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 17:18, 4 July 2026 (UTC)
: @[[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] The page is under autopatroller protection for one week, but please do not edit war, since it is considered disruptive. If this temporary account keeps disrupting elsewhere, ping me and I will block them. Thank you. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:06, 4 July 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-07-7, 12:10 ==

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Spam ([[Special:Contributions/Martha.wilson9]], [[Special:Contributions/Mikhailsims]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:11, 7 July 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:26, 7 July 2026 (UTC)</text>
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    <title>Being</title>
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      <text bytes="7005" sha1="iptyfxgsfdqu0ap686lcqxsxpgc3me3" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Being|Being]]''' is a broad concept encompassing objective and subjective features of reality and existence.
{{Philo-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* Even to say &quot;Being simply ''is''&quot; is to impose upon Reality the human conceptions of noun, verb, and adverb, the human logic of grammar and syntax, and thus to falsify it, since there are no categories in Nature's warpless, woofless web.
** [[John Barth]], &quot;How to Make a Universe&quot; (1960), in ''The Friday Book'' (1984). Baltimore: The Johns Hopkins University Press, 1997, p. 22

*Between being and nothingness there is no middle ground.
**[[Gustavo Bontadini]], ''Appunti di filosofia'', Vita e Pensiero, 1996.

*''Wir kommen für die Götter zu spät und zu''
:''früh fürs Sein. Das Gedicht des Seins, erst''
:''begonnen, ist der Mensch''.
:* We are too late for the gods
::and too early for being
::being’s poem, just begun, is man.
::* [[Martin Heidegger]], in ''Basic Writings'', p. 37

* '''[[Anaximander]]... taught that the primary substance was [[Infinity|infinite]], [[Eternity|eternal]] and ageless and... encompassed the world.''' This... is transformed into the various substances... [[Theophrastus]] quotes from Anaximander: &quot;Into that from which things take their rise they pass away once more... for they make reparation and satisfaction to one another for their [[injustice]] according to the ordering of [[time]].&quot; In this... '''the [[wikt:antithesis#Noun|antithesis]] of Being and [[w:Process philosophy|Becoming]] plays the fundamental role. The primary substance, [[Infinity|infinite]]... [[eternity|ageless]]... [[Holism|undifferentiated]] Being, degenerates into... forms which lead to endless struggles. ...Becoming''' is ...a ...debasement of the infinite Being—a disintegration into the struggle ultimately [[wikt:expiate#Verb|expiate]]d by a return into that ...without shape or character. The struggle ...is the opposition between hot and cold, fire and water, wet and dry, etc. ...[T]emporary [[victory]] ...is the injustice for which they ...make reparation in the ordering of time. ...'''[T]here is &quot;eternal motion,&quot; the creation and passing away of worlds from infinity to infinity.'''
** [[Werner Heisenberg]], ''Physics and Philosophy'' (1958) [https://archive.org/details/physicsphilosoph0000heis_n9m9/page/60/mode/1up?view=theater pp. 60-61.]

* Through Hegel, everyone is now familiar with the dialectic of becoming. That which in the process of becoming is the alternation between being and non-being is later the negative and the positive. In our time, we often enough hear talk about the negative and about negative thinkers, and in that connection often enough hear the preaching of the positive ones and their prayers offering thanks to God and Hegel that they are not like those negative ones but have become positive. In the domain of thinking, the positive can be classed in the following categories: sensate certainty, historical knowledge, speculative result. But this positive is precisely the untrue. Sensate certainty is a delusion, historical knowledge is an illusion, and the speculative result is a phantom. That is, all this positive fails to express the state of the knowing subject in existence; hence it pertains to a fictive objective subject, and to mistake oneself for such a subject is to be fooled and remain fooled. 
** [[Soren Kierkegaard]], ''[[Concluding Unscientific Postscript]]'' (1846), Hong trans., p. 81

* There is one story left, one road: that it is. And on this road there are very many signs that, '''being, is uncreated and imperishable, whole, unique, unwavering, and complete.'''
** [[Parmenides]] (fl. early 5th century BC) Frag. B 8.1-4, quoted by [[w:Simplicius of Cilicia|Simplicius]], ''Commentary on the Physics'', 144.

* Λέγω δὴ τὸ καὶ ὁποιανοῦν τινα κεκτημένον [[wikt:δύναμις|δύναμιν]] εἴτ᾿ εἰς τὸ ποιεῖν ἕτερον ὁτιοῦν πεφυκὸς εἴτ᾿ εἰς τὸ παθεῖν καὶ σμικρότατον ὑπὸ τοῦ φαυλοτάτου, κἂν εἰ μόνον εἰς ἅπαξ, πᾶν τοῦτο ὄντως εἶναι· τίθεμαι γὰρ ὅρον ὁρίζειν τὰ ὄντα, ὡς ἔστιν οὐκ ἄλλο τι πλὴν [[wikt:δύναμις|δύναμις]].
** I'm saying that a thing really is if it has any [[wikt:δύναμις|capacity]] at all, either by nature to do something to something else or to have even the smallest thing done to it by even the most trivial thing, even if it only happens once. I'll take it as a definition that ''those which are'' amount to nothing other than ''[[wikt:δύναμις|capacity]]''.
*** [[Plato]], ''[[w:Sophist (dialogue)|Sophist]]'', 247e, as translated by Nicholas P. White, in ''Plato: Complete Works'' (1997), p. 269

* Whatever we postulate as a beginning of pure science must be, as such, not yet scientifically determined. It is the object of pure science to develop a system, and of course the beginning cannot be a system. Since in pure science we must not receive determinations (attributes, qualities, categories, definitions, logical terms, &amp;c.) except those justified and defined by the system, any determination that we postulate, and that is not objectively evolved, must be regarded as unscientific and therefore rejected. Determination and negation are identical, and the complete removal of determination or negation should give us pure being as a beginning or starting-point of our system. Were our system to start with any other category, as for example with the Ego, that category must be as empty as pare being; if not, it would contain pure being plus determinations, and thus duality would be present before the system had evolved it. It would be ostensibly seized as a simple somewhat, and yet the mind would mean something else more concrete. Science has to do with what is expressed and not with what is merely meant. Hence, unless Science is to start unscientifically, it must commence with pure Being. 
** [[w:Karl Rosenkranz|Karl Rosenkranz]], ''Hegel as the National Philosopher of Germany'', trans. [[G. Stanley Hall]] (St Louis, MO.: Gray, Baker &amp; Co., 1874)

* I believe that I now understand in some small measure why the [[Buddhism|Buddhist]] goes on [[w:Pilgrimage|pilgrimage]] to a [[mountain]]. The journey is itself part of the technique by which the god is sought. It is a journey into Being; for as I penetrate more deeply into the mountain’s life, I penetrate also into my own. For an hour I am beyond desire.
** [[Nan Shepherd]], {{cite book|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=UI3jhQgndikC&amp;q=Buddhist#v=snippet&amp;q=Buddhist&amp;f=false|title=The Living Mountain: A Celebration of the Cairngorm Mountains of Scotland | year=1977 }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=UI3jhQgndikC&amp;q=penetrate+more+deeply#v=snippet&amp;q=penetrate%20more%20deeply&amp;f=false last part of quote]

== See also ==
* [[Existence]]
* [[Ontology]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}</text>
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    <title>The Incredibles</title>
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[[File:The Incredibles logo.svg|thumb|Showtime!]]
'''''[[w:The Incredibles|The Incredibles]]''''' is a [[w:2004 in film|2004]] [[w:Academy Award|Academy Award]]-winning [[w:computer animation|computer animated]] feature film in which, while trying to lead a quiet suburban life, a family of undercover superheroes are forced into action to save the world. '''''[[w:Incredibles 2|Incredibles 2]]''''' was a sequel in [[w:2018 in film|2018]], accompanied with a short film by ''[[w:Turning Red|Turning Red]]'' director Domee Shi, ''Bao''.
:''Directed and written by [[Brad Bird]].''
:''Music by [[w:Michael Giacchino|Michael Giacchino]].''
{{center/s}}'''Save The Day.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}

== Robert &quot;Bob&quot; Parr / Mr. Incredible ==
[[File:Incredibles - Disney Stars and Motor Cars Parade.jpg|thumb|No matter how many times you save the [[world]], it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved! You know?! For a little bit. I feel like the maid: &quot;I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for, for 10 minutes?! Please?!&quot;]]
* ''[repeated phrase]'' Showtime!
* Every superhero has a [[secret]] [[identity]]. I don't know a single one who doesn't. I mean, who wants the pressure of being super [[all]] the [[time]]?
* No matter how many times you save the [[world]], it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved! You know?! For a little bit. I feel like the maid: &quot;I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for, for 10 minutes?! Please?!&quot;
* Sometimes, I think I just like the [[simple]] life, you know, relax a little and raise a [[family]].
* Heavyweight problems need heavyweight solutions.

== Helen Parr / Elastigirl ==
[[File:Disney on Ice - The Incredibles.jpg|thumb|Settle down? Are you kidding? I'm at the top of my game! I'm right up there with the big dogs! Girls, come on. Leave the saving of the world to the men? I don't think so! I don't think so.]]
* Of course I have a secret identity. ''[about her super-suit]'' Can you see me in this at the supermarket? Come on! Who wants to  go shopping as Elastigirl? You know what I mean?
* Brace yourselves! Everybody calm down! Now, I will tell you what we are not going to do. We're not gonna panic, and we're not gonna... '''''LOOK OUT!'''''
* Settle down? Are you kidding? I'm at the top of my game! I'm right up there with the big dogs! Girls, come on. Leave the saving of the world to the men? I don't think so! I don't think so.
* Remember the bad guys on those shows you used to watch on Saturday mornings? Well, these guys are not like those guys. They won't exercise restraint because you're children. They will kill you if they get the chance. Do ''not'' give them that chance.

== Lucius Best/Frozone ==
[[File:Katsucon XX IMGP0239 (12576826285).jpg|thumb|Super-ladies, they're always trying to tell you their secret identity. Think it'll strengthen the [[relationship]] or something like that. I say, &quot;Girl, I don't wanna ''[[know]]'' about your mild-mannered alter ego or anything like that.&quot; I mean, you tell me you're, uh, super-mega-ultra-lightning babe? That's all right with me. I'm good. I'm good.]]
* Super-ladies, they're always trying to tell you their secret identity. Think it'll strengthen the [[relationship]] or something like that. I say, &quot;Girl, I don't wanna ''[[know]]'' about your mild-mannered alter ego or anything like that.&quot; I mean, you tell me you're, uh, super-mega-ultra-lightning babe? That's all right with me. I'm good. I'm good.
* I don't see anyone from the old days, Bob. Just you. And we're pushing our [[luck]] as it is.
* It means ''it's hot!'' And I'm dehydrated, Bob!
* There ''is'' no water in this air! What's your excuse, run out of muscle?
* We look like bad guys! ''Incompetent'' bad guys!

== Dash Parr ==
* ''[After a huge explosion destroys the Parrs' house]'' Does this mean we have to move again?

== Violet Parr ==
* I ''[[feel]]'' different. Is different okay? 

== Syndrome (Buddy Pine / IncrediBoy) ==
[[File:Toicon-icon-fandom-adapt.svg|thumb|And when everyone's super... '''''No one will be.'''''
]]
[[File:Silver symbol (Dalton).svg|thumb|You can't count on ''anyone.'' Especially your heroes.]]
* ''[After Elastigirl's plane is destroyed]'' Ah, you'll get over it. I seem to recall you prefer to… ”work alone”?
* I knew you couldn't do it, even when you have nothing to lose. You're weak! And I've outgrown you.
* It tore me apart, but I've learned an important lesson. You can't count on ''anyone.'' Especially your heroes.
* ''[After Mr. Incredible begs him to stop the missiles from hitting Elastigirl's plane]'' Too late! 15 years too late.
* ''[has just caught the entire Parr family]'' WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! HEY, TIME OUT! What have we here? Matching uniforms? ''[sees Helen]'' Oh, no... Elastigirl? You married Elastigirl?! ''[laughs, then looks at Violet and Dash]'' And got '''biz-zay'''! It's a whole family of Supers! Looks like I've hit the jackpot! ''[laughs, then says in a twangy accent]'' Oh, this is just too good!
* I'll give them heroics. I'll show them the most spectacular heroics anyone's ever seen! And when I'm old and I've had my fun, I'll sell my inventions so that everyone can be superheroes. ''Everyone'' can be super! And when everyone's super... ''[walks away laughing before he talks in a remorseless tone]'' No one will be.
* ''[freezes the Parr family as they barge into the house while holding a sleeping Jack-Jack; quietly]'' Shh. The baby is sleeping. ''[snickers sinisterly]'' You took away my future. I'm simply returning the favor. Don't worry, I'll be a good mentor. Supportive, encouraging. Everything you weren't! And in time, who knows, he might make a good sidekick.
* ''[last words before his death]'' This isn't the end of it! I will get your son, eventually! I'll get your son! ''[laughs and gasps as he sees Mr. Incredible hurling his car into the air]'' Oh, no.

== Mirage ==
* ''[on message computer]'' The Supers aren't gone, Mr. Incredible. You're still here. You can still do great things. Or… you can listen to police scanners. Your choice. You have 24 hours to respond. Think about it. ''[fades out]''
* ''[about Syndrome]'' He's attracted to [[power]]. So am I. It's a weakness we share.
* ''[having had enough of Syndrome's evil after he taunted Mr Incredible with his family's apparent demise]'' Next time you gamble, bet your own life.

== Edna Mode ==
[[File:Edna Mode and Mrs. Incredible at Tokyo DisneySea in June 2024 (2).jpg|thumb|I never look back, darling. It distracts from the [[now]]!]]
* I never look back, darling. It distracts from the [[now]]!
* You will show him you remember that he is Mr. Incredible, and you will remind him who ''you'' are!
* Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man. Good with kids. November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved, when... his cape snagged on a missile fin.
* Stratogale! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine!
* Meta Man, express elevator! Dynaguy, snag on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! NO CAPES!

== Underminer ==
* Behold: The Underminer! I am always beneath you, but [[nothing]] is beneath me! I hereby declare [[war]] on [[peace]] and [[happiness]]! Soon, all will tremble before me!

== Dialogue ==
:''[First lines; The movie begins with a colored backing. A magnificent, masked man in a black-and-blue superhero suit is sitting in a chair: mid-twenties, ruggedly handsome and powerfully built, he fiddles with a clip-on microphone. We're watching a faded documentary, shot in 16mm. A title fades in, identifying the man as [[w:Mr. Incredibles|Mr. Incredible]]]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Is this on?
:'''Interviewer''': ''[off-screen]'' That’s fine.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': ''[muttering to himself]'' I can break through walls, I just can’t…
:'''Interviewer''': ''[off-screen]'' That’s fine.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': I can’t get this on.
:'''Interviewer''': ''[off-screen]'' So, Mr. Incredible, do you have a secret identity?
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Every superhero has a secret identity. I don’t know a single one who doesn’t. Who wants the pressure of being super all the time?
:''[Resume documentary: Another striking, masked superhero, a woman this time. A title identifies her as [[w:Elastigirl|Elastigirl]]]''
:''[On-screen text: Walt Disney Pictures Presents]''
:'''Elastigirl''': Of course I have a secret identity. Can you see me in this at the supermarket? Come on. Who’d wanna go shopping as Elastigirl, y’know what I mean?
:''[Resume documentary: Another striking, superhero with a visor, a man. A title identifies him as Frozone]''
:''[On-screen text: A Pixar Animation Studios Film]''
:'''Frozone''': Super Ladies, they’re always tryna tell you their secret identity. Think it’ll strengthen the relationship or somethin' like that. I said, &quot;Girl, I don’t wanna '''''know''''' about your mild-mannered alter ego.&quot; or anything like that. I mean, you tell me you’re a super-mega-ultra-lightnin'-babe, that’s alright with me. I’m good. I’m good.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved, you know? For a little bit. I feel like the maid. I just cleaned up this mess. Can we keep it clean for ten minutes?
:'''Interviewer:''' I could get to that point.
:'''Mr. Incredible:''' Please?
:'''Interviewer:''' Wait, no, don’t get up. We’re not finished.
:'''Mr. Incredible:''' Sometimes I think I’d just like the simple life, you know? Relax a little and raise a family.
:'''Elastigirl:''' Settle down? Are you kidding? I’m at the top of my '''''game'''''! I’m right up there with the big dogs! Girls, come on. Leave the saving of the world to the '''''men'''''? I don’t think so. I don’t think so. ''[fades to black. On-screen Text: The Incredibles. Sirens wail as lights flash, we're in the middle of a classic car chase: A police car in hot pursuit of another car driven by armed bank robbers. The robber riding shotgun primes his sub-machine gun and unloads on the cop car, which swerves into oncoming traffic to avoid the hail of bullets. Bob Parr, a dashing, golden-haired man in his thirties listens to his radio. If he looks familiar, it's because he is the same man we saw earlier: Mr. Incredible, minus the mask and super-suit. Suddenly the music is interrupted by an announcement]''
:'''Police Radio:''' We interrupt for an important bulletin. A deadly high-speed pursuit between police and armed gunmen is underway, traveling northbound on San Pablo Avenue.
:''[Bob presses a button. The radio flips: converting to a screen filled with a moving aerial map of the city streets. He selects &quot;Isolate Pursuit&quot;. Two red dots appear, moving quickly over the map. He makes a hard right turn. Looks at the screen. A tiny &quot;i&quot; icon (Mr. Incredible's logo) closes in on the two red dots. He checks his watch]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Yeah, I’ve got time.
:''[He presses another button: &quot;Auto-drive&quot; and selects &quot;Merge Pursuit&quot;. Bob takes his hands off the wheel and a rapid series of automated actions begin: the seat back drops flat; the passenger seat folds against the window as the driver's seat slides to the center. Bob raises his arms as metal bands lock around his waist, then separate, sliding apart toward his head and his toes, removing his clothes to reveal his slick, brightly colored Mr. Incredible super-suit underneath. He presses another button: the car's exterior converts into the coolest retro-futuristic vehicle ever seen: The Incredi-Bile. Mr. Incredible looks up: Through the windshield we see an old lady waving him down]''
:'''Old Lady:''' Mr. Incredible. Um, Mr. Incredible…
:''[Mr. Incredible pulls up. His window whooshes open]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' What is it, ma’am?
:'''Old Lady:''' ''[pointing to tree]'' My cat, Squeaker, won’t come down.
:''[Mr. Incredible glances at his screen: the pursuit is headed his way. He thinks, making some quick calculations, then]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Certainly, ma’am! But I suggest you stand clear. There could be trouble.
:'''Old Lady:''' No, no. He’s quite tame.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Let go now! ''[cat yowls]''
:''[The cop car pulls back in behind the robbers' car. The cops are firing now and closing in. Mr. Incredible and the cat tree. Nervously checking the pursuit on his video screen, Mr. Incredible rips the tree out of the ground. He tips it, leaning it across to the old lady just as the car chase squeals into view at the end of the block. Mr. Incredible sees this and hastily shakes the tree, trying to dislodge Squeaker. The car chase. The cars swerve into view now, bordering the park that Mr. Incredible is in. Mr. Incredible sees them and shakes Squeaker harder. Chase cars close in. Mr. Incredible. Car chase. Squeaker. Chase. Squeaker, one final shake: Squeaker drops into the Old Lady's hands. Mr. Incredible raises the tree up and slams it down on the hood of the crooks' car, squashing it like a bug. Mr. Incredible tamps down the loose dirt at the base of the freshly replanted tree and smiles at his admirers]''
:'''Police Officer #1:''' Thank you, Mr. Incredible. You’ve done it again.
:'''Police Officer #2:''' Yeah, you’re the best.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No, I’m just here to help.
:'''Police Radio:''' Attention all units. We have a tour bus robbery…
:''[Mr. Incredible frowns and looks at his watch. He makes a calculation, muttering to himself]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Tour bus robbery. I’ve still got time. Officers. Ma’am. Squeaker.
:''[Mr. Incredible jumps into the Incredi-Bile and is startled to find a pudgy kid wearing a mask and a homemade superhero costume sitting in the passenger seat. This is Buddy Pine aka IncrediBoy]''
:'''Buddy (IncrediBoy):''' ''[first words]'' Cool! Ready for take-off!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' What the…? Who are you supposed to be?
:'''Buddy (IncrediBoy):''' Well, I’m lncrediBoy.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' What? No. You’re that kid from the fan club. ''[stammering]'' Brophy-Br-Brody-Bu-Buddy! ''[sternly]'' Buddy.
:'''Buddy (IncrediBoy):''' My '''''name''''' is IncrediBoy.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Look, I’ve been nice, I’ve stood for photos, signed every scrap of paper you pushed at me, but this is…
:'''Buddy (IncrediBoy):''' No, you don’t have to worry about training me. I know all your moves, your crime fighting style, favorite catch phrases, everything! I’m your number one fan! ''[The passenger door whooshes open and IncrediBoy is ejected from the car. Mr. Incredible fires the afterburners and peels off, leaving Buddy standing alone]'' Hey! Hey, wait!
:''[A trail of stolen goods scattered across a rooftop leads us to a mugger. He mutters to himself as he roots through a stolen purse, disregarding some items, stuffing others into his pockets. A shadow looms on the wall behind him]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You know. ''[the snatcher looks up. He grins]'' you can tell a lot about a woman by the contents of her purse, but maybe that’s not what you had in mind.
:'''Snatcher:''' Hey, look!
:''[Mr. Incredible closes in on him. The snatcher drops the purse and pulls a gun. Suddenly, an arm stretches and punches the snatcher's jaw. Mr. Incredible looks up and sees a dazzling masked woman in an equally dazzling suit. She smiles. If she looks familiar, it's because she is the same woman we saw earlier: Elastigirl, aka the soon-to-be Helen Parr]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Elastigirl.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Mr. lncredible.
:''[Elastigirl moves to the snatcher, begins to pick him up]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No, it’s all right. I’ve got him.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Sure, you’ve got him. I just took him out for you.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Sure, you took him out. His attention was on me.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' A fact I exploited to do my job.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' My job, you mean.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' A simple thank you will suffice.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Thanks, but I don’t need any help.
:''[Elastigirl assesses him. Slowly moves closer]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Whatever happened to &quot;ladies first&quot;?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Well, whatever happened to equal treatment?
:'''Snatcher:''' ''[regaining consciousness]'' Hey, look, the lady got me first. ''[Elastigirl coldcocks the crook with one stretched punch]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Well, we could share, you know.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I work alone.
:''[Elastigirl smiles, moves very close to Mr. Incredible]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Well, I think you need to be more…
:''[In one fluid motion she loops around his body, suddenly behind him and before he can turn, back in front again]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ...flexible.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': ''[dazzled]'' Are...you doin' anything later?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I have a previous engagement.
:''[She makes a little stutter step to the edge of the roof and jumps, flips, loops and stretches across the rooftops like a liquid cat, disappearing into the setting sun. Mr. Incredible lets out a low whistle. That. Is a woman]''
:''[Mr. Incredible handcuffs the snatcher to a pipe]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': Now, you just stay here. They usually pick up the garbage in an hour.
:'''Frozone''': Hey, Incredible!
:''[Mr. Incredible turns. A helicopter sweeps past, machine guns blazing back towards its pursuer. Frozone swoops down, hot on its tail, surfing a sheet of ice that materializes in his path]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': Hey, Frozone!
:''[Frozone leaps, grabbing on to one of the chopper's skids]''
:'''Frozone''': Shouldn't you be getting ready?
:''[Mr. Incredible frowns, glancing at his watch. Mr. Incredible yells at the retreating copter]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': I still got time.
:''[Off-screen, a woman screams followed by the horrified cries of several gathered people]'' 
:'''Woman''': ''[off-screen]'' He's gonna jump!
:''[Mr. Incredible runs to the edge of the building and looks down. A large crowd is gathered on the streets below. Mr. Incredible follows their upwards gaze to the roof of a skyscraper with a man, Oliver Sansweet, who stands poised to jump, then does. Mr. Incredible quickly gauges distances, and then dives off the edge, making a spectacular leap, and tackles him in mid-air and then breaking through an enormous window on the far side, and tumbles to the floor in a shower of glass. Safe]''
:''[Off-screen: the people outside are now clapping in applause]''
:'''Sansweet''': I think you broke something.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': Well, with counseling, I think you'll come to forgive me. ''[senses something]'' Wait a minute...
:''[Mr. Incredible slides Sansweet over to a desk and props him up against it]''
:''[His acute senses turn his attention to the hallway, toward the elevators. As he follows his ears, we become aware of a sound: a tiny series of regular beeps. Mr. Incredible locates a spot on the wall and presses one ear against it. The beeps accelerate. Mr. Incredible starts to push away and... BOOM! The hallway is filled with smoke and debris. A silhouette emerges from the newly blown hole in the wall; a tall, rangy man in a mime costume carries two stuffed duffel bags. This is Bomb Voyage. He surveys the scene with a wicked smile. A vault door is embedded into the wall directly opposite the hole. It moves aside, revealing Mr. Incredible behind it, dazed but unharmed. He sees the mime and growls]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': ''[coughing]'' Bomb Voyage.
:'''Bomb Voyage''': ''[first words]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''Monsieur Incroyable!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; [Translation: Mr. Incredible!]
:'''IncrediBoy''': ''[off-screen]'' And IncrediBoy!
:''[Both Mr. Incredible and Voyage turn and stare in disbelief at the kid, who awkwardly flies over to them]''
:'''Bomb Voyage''': IncrediBoy?
:'''IncrediBoy''': Hey, hey! Aren’t you curious about how I get around so fast? See? I have these rocket boots.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Go home, Buddy.
:'''IncrediBoy:''' What?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Now.
:'''Bomb Voyage:''' '''''Petit mufe va!''''' [Translation: Little oaf…]
:'''IncrediBoy:''' ''[he takes Bob aside]'' Can we talk? You always, always say be true to yourself, but you never say which part of yourself to be true to. Well, I’ve finally figured out who I am. I am your ward…IncrediBoy!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' And now, you have officially carried it too far, Buddy.
:''[Mr. Incredible grabs Bomb Voyage before he could get away. There is an ugly flash in Buddy's eyes]''
:'''IncrediBoy:''' This is because I don’t have powers, isn’t it? Well not every superhero has powers, you know. You can be super without them. [re: his rocket boots] I built these. I can fly. Can you fly?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[warns IncrediBoy]'' Fly home, Buddy. I work alone.
:'''Bomb Voyage''': ''[last words]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''Et ton costume est complètement ridicule!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; [Translation: And your outfit is totally ridiculous!]
:'''IncrediBoy:''' Just give me one chance! ''[to Bomb Voyage]'' I’ll show you. I’ll go get the police.
:''[As Buddy jogs to the shattered window, Mr. Incredible sees that Voyage has sneakily clipped a small bomb onto Buddy's cape]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Buddy, don’t!
:'''IncrediBoy:''' It’ll only take a second, really.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[takes off after him]'' NO, STOP! There’s a bomb!
:''[Mr. Incredible grabs Buddy's cape just as &quot;IncrediBoy&quot; takes off, taking Mr. Incredible with him. Mr. Incredible and the boy rocket wildly out of control, spraying sparks in every direction, Mr. Incredible grabbing at the cape desperately for the bomb]''
:'''IncrediBoy:''' Let go! You’re wrecking my flight pattern! I can do this if you let go!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Will you just…?? I’m trying to help! Stop!
:'''IncrediBoy:''' Let go of my cape!
:''[Mr. Incredible finally grabs hold of the bomb and flings it free. Both he and the bomb fall onto the elevated train tracks below. The bomb explodes, blowing away a large section of track. Mr. Incredible groggily looks up; A train is coming. And heading straight for the section of track that is no longer there. Mr. Incredible sets his jaw and starts running toward the oncoming train, leaping the chasm to intercept the train before it gets there. Mr. Incredible pulls up and plants himself. The expression on his face says it all: this is going to hurt. The train hits; Mr. Incredible taking the full impact. Rail ties break behind Mr. Incredible's feet, spraying in all directions as Mr. Incredible, miraculously, wrestles the train to a stop]''
:''[Finally, Police and paramedics have arrived, cordoning off the accident scene and treating the injured. At last, Mr. Incredible hands Buddy over to the police]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Take this one home. And make sure his '''''mom''''' '''''knows what he's been doing'''''.
:'''IncrediBoy:''' I can help you. You’re making a mista---hey!
:''[The cops shove Buddy into the backseat of their car]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' The injured jumper. You sent paramedics?
:'''Police Officer:''' They’ve already picked him up.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' The blast in that building was caused by Bomb Voyage who I caught in the act robbing the vault. Now, we might be able to nab him if we set up a perimeter.
:'''Police Officer #2:''' You mean he got away?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Well, yeah. '''''Skippy here''''' made sure of '''''that'''''.
:'''IncrediBoy:''' ''[last words]'' IncrediBoy!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You’re not affiliated with me!!
:''[A tiny alarm sounds. Mr. Incredible checks his wristwatch]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Holy smokes, I’m late. Listen, I’ve gotta be somewhere.
:''[Mr. Incredible signals the Incredi-Bile with a remote. It roars into view, squeals to a stop next to him]''
:'''Police Officer:''' What about Bomb Voyage?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Any other night, I’d go after him myself, but I really gotta go. But don’t worry. We'll get him! Eventually!
:''[Mr. Incredible fires the afterburners. The cops watch in dismay as the Incredi-Bile roars off]''
:''[He enters, dressed smartly in a tux, fumbling with his tie]''
:'''Bob:''' Hey, is the night still young?
:'''Lucius:''' You’re '''''very late.'''''
:'''Bob:''' How do I look? Good?
:''[His best man named Lucius Best (aka Frozone) stops him before he...]''
:'''Lucius:''' Oh, the mask! You still got the mask.
:''[Lucius reaches up and pulls off his Mr. Incredible mask. Bob takes a deep breath and pushes open the chapel doors]''
:'''Bob:''' Showtime.
:''[Bob, the groom stands at the altar with his bride, Helen, who we quickly realize is also Elastigirl]''
:'''Minister:''' Robert Parr, will you have this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
:'''Helen:''' You’re late. When you asked me if I was '''''doing anything later''''', I didn’t realize you’d '''''actually forgotten'''''. I thought it was playful banter.
:'''Bob:''' It '''''was''''' playful banter.
:'''Helen:''' Cutting it kinda close, don’t ya think?
:'''Bob:''' You need to be more...flexible.
:'''Helen:''' I love you, but if we’re gonna make this work, you’ve gotta be more than Mr. Incredible. You know that. Don’t you?
:'''Minister:''' ...so long as you both shall live?
:'''Bob:''' I do.
:'''Minister:''' I pronounce this couple husband and wife.
:''[They kiss, as people are cheering and whistling. Gazerbeam, Stratogale, Dynaguy, Meta-Man, Thunderhead, E and Rick Dicker can be seen for a few seconds clapping.]''
:'''Helen:''' As long as we both shall live. No matter what happens.
:'''Bob:''' Hey, come on. We’re superheroes. What could happen?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The screen switches to a news flash.]''
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' In a stunning turn of events, a superhero is being sued for saving someone who, apparently, didn’t want to be saved. The plaintiff, Oliver Sansweet, who was foiled in his attempted suicide by Mr. Incredible, has filed a suit against the famed superhero in Superior Court.
:''[Oliver Sansweet's lawyer stands next to him on the crowded front steps, and speaks to a cluster of reporters]''
:'''Sansweet’s Lawyer:''' Mr. Sansweet didn’t ask to be saved, Mr. Sansweet didn’t wanna be saved! And the injury received from Mr. Incredible’s &quot;actions&quot;, '''''so-called''''' causes him daily pain!
:'''Mr. Incredible:''' Hey, I saved your life!
:'''Sansweet:''' You didn’t save my life, you ruined my death! That’s what you did...!
:'''Mr. Incredible:''' Listen, you little ''[interrupted by his lawyer]'' piece of....
:'''Mr. Incredible's Lawyer:''' My client has no further comment at this time.
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' Five days later, another suit was filed by victims of the El Train accident.
:''[Shots of a courtroom filled with neck-braced, cast-wearing, train-wreck victims. A lawyer goes through his paces, often gesturing toward a glowering Mr. Incredible]''
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' Incredible’s court losses cost the government millions, and opened the floodgates for dozens of superhero lawsuits the world over.
:''[A series of spinning newspaper headlines describing the succession of lawsuits brought against superheroes saying, &quot;DynaGuy sued!&quot;, &quot;'SUPER' DAMAGES!&quot;, &quot;X-RAY VISION PEEPING TOM?&quot; Irate Taxpayers demonstrate, waving placards that read: &quot;NO MORE SUPER BAILOUTS!&quot;, &quot;$UPER EXPEN$IVE!&quot;, etc. A government employee addresses her colleagues]''
:'''Government Public Speaker:''' It is time for their '''''secret identity''''' to become their '''''only identity'''''. Time for them to join us, or go away!
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' Under tremendous public pressure, and the crushing financial burden of an ever-mounting series of lawsuits, the government quietly initiated the superhero relocation program. ''[Superheroes exiting the public stage, as they wave goodbye (ala Nixon), duck into cars in a shower of popping flashbulbs, cheered by supporters, jeered by opponents, etc.]'' The supers will be granted amnesty from responsibility for past actions, in exchange for the promise to never again resume hero work. Where are they now?
:''[A throng of people mill about the city streets in diverse anonymity]''
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' They are living among us. Average citizens, average heroes. Quietly and anonymously continuing to make the world a better place.
:''[The music crescendos as camera lifts up to the horizon and the sun streaming through the clouds.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Title card reading: &quot;15 Years Later&quot;. It’s now 15 years later and Bob is working at an insurance agency and stamps &quot;Denied&quot; on a frail woman (Mrs. Hogenson)'s policy claim, replacing the red &quot;X&quot; on a frail woman (Mrs. Hogenson)'s policy claim]''
:'''Mrs. Hogenson:''' Denied? You’re denying my claim? I don’t understand, I have full coverage.
:''[Her claims adjuster, Bob Parr looks up at Mrs. Hogenson sadly. He looks familiar because it is none other than Mr. Incredible himself, now balding, sixty-four pounds heavier and dressed in a too-tight white-collar shirt sitting in an uncomfortably cramped cubicle. Mrs. Hogenson sits across from him, bewildered and upset]''
:'''Bob:''' I’m sorry, Mrs. Hogenson, but our liability is spelled out in paragraph 17. It states clearly-
:'''Mrs. Hogenson:''' ''[stammering]'' I-I can’t pay for this.
:''[Bob hears the phone ring]''
:'''Bob:''' Excuse me. ''[answers phone]'' Claims, Bob Parr.
:''[Helen chats amiably as she bathes her infant baby Jack-Jack in the sink of their airy, ranch-style kitchen. Her hairstyle has changed, her hips have widened a little, but Motherhood has agreed with her, and little else has changed from her Elastigirl days. A stack of empty moving boxes are stacked haphazardly near the door]''
:'''Helen:''' I’m calling to celebrate a momentous occasion. We’re now officially moved in.
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, well, that’s great, honey. And the last three years don’t count because...
:'''Helen:''' Because I finally unpacked the last box. Now, it’s official. Ha, ha, ha. Why do we have so much junk?
:'''Bob:''' Listen, honey, I’ve got a client.
:'''Helen:''' Say no more. Go save the world one policy at a time, honey. Oh! I gotta go pick up the kids from school. See you tonight.
:'''Bob:''' Bye, honey. ''[to Mrs. Hogenson]'' Excuse me. Where were we?
:'''Mrs. Hogenson:''' ''[crying]'' I'm on a fixed income, and if you can't help me, I don't know what I'll do. ''[blows nose loudly; crying]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[he looks out of his cubicle and above it to make sure no one's eavesdropping and then turns his attention back to Mrs. Hogenson]'' All right, listen closely. I'd like to help you, but I :'''''can't'''''. I'd '''''like''''' to tell you to take a copy of your policy to Norma Wilcox on... :''[whispering, tapping on a notepad instructing her to write this all down]'' Norma Wilcox, W-I-L-C-O-X, on the third floor, but I can't. I also '''''do not''''' advise you to fill out and file a WS2475 form with our legal department on the second floor. I would '''''not''''' expect someone to get back to you quickly to resolve the matter. I'd '''''like to help''''', but there's nothing I can do.
:'''Mrs. Hogenson:''' Oh, thank you, young man.
:'''Bob:''' ''[shushing her and peering over the top of his cubicle, looking around and shouting loudly to make sure no one is listening to the conversation]'' '''''I'M SORRY, MA'AM! I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET!!''''' ''[whispering]'' Pretend to be upset. ''[She walks out of the cubicle pretending to sob. Gilbert Huph, charges down towards Bob's cubicle and pushes past Mrs. Hogenson]''
:'''Huph:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''PAAAARRRRRRR!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[he passes some papers on Bob's desk, as he gets startled. This causes a cup of pencils to fall down, which Bob picks up again]'' You authorized payment on the Walker policy?!
:'''Bob:''' Someone broke into their house, Mr. Huph. Their policy clearly covers them against...
:'''Huph:''' ''[worried]'' I don't know wanna about their coverage, Bob. Don't tell me about their coverage. Tell me how you're keeping Insuricare in the black! Tell me how that's possible with you writing checks to every Harry Hardluck and Sally Sobstory &lt;big&gt;'''''THAT GIVES YOU A PHONE CALL!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[showing off storms out of Bob's cubicle]''
:''[Huph leaves. Bob stands there impotently, then sits]''
:'''PA Announcement:''' Morning break is over. Morning break is over. ''[the cup holding Bob's pencils fall to the floor spilling out]''
:''[Helen enters the principal's office and sees her son [[w:Dash Parr|Dash]] hunched in a chair. Before him are two men, Dash's teacher Bernie Kropp, balding, tense, and looking older than his 36 years, and the school's principal]''
:'''Principal:''' I appreciate you coming down here, Mrs. Parr.
:''[Helen looks at Dash]''
:'''Helen:''' What’s this about? Has Dash done something wrong?
:'''Bernie:''' ''[first words]'' He’s a disruptive influence and he openly mocks me in front of the class.
:'''Dash:''' ''[muttering]'' He says.
:'''Bernie:''' ''[to Helen and Dash]'' Look, I know it's you! He puts thumbtacks on my stool.
:'''Helen:''' ''[telling Bernie what he is done to Dash.]'' You saw him do this?
:'''Bernie:''' Well, not real– No, actually not.
:'''Helen:''' Oh, then how do you know it was him?
:'''Bernie:''' I hid a camera. ''[produces a videotape. Dash gasps and looks at Helen, glaring at him]'' And this time I got him. ''[the footage shows Bernie shows up to his seat and when he's about to sit down, for a couple of frames.]'' I'll show him! I'll show him! I'll show him! ''[Dash is seen running to the seat and back to his desk]'' See? You see? ''[Helen and the principal squint in an attempt to try to see it]'' What, you don't see it? ''[sighs, and rewinds the tape]'' He moves! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''RIGHT THERE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[pauses]'' Wait, wait! Right... ''there! '''Right as I'm sitting down!''''' I don't know, I don't know how he does it, but there's no tack on my stool ''before'' he moves and ''after'' he moves there's a tack! Coincidence? I think &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''NOT'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;!
:'''Principal:''' Uh, Bernie? ''[pats his shoulder]''
:'''Bernie:''' Don’t &quot;Bernie&quot; me! ''[angrily threatening to Dash]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''THIS LITTLE RAT IS GUILTY!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Principal:''' You and your son can go now, Mrs. Parr. I’m sorry for the trouble.
:'''Bernie:''' ''[last words]'' You're letting him go '''''again?!''''' He's guilty! You can see it on his smug little face!! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;''GUILTY, I SAY, GUILTY! '''GUILTY, GUILTY! NO!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Dash and Helen drive to Western View Junior High to pick up Violet]''
:'''Helen:''' Dash, this is the third time this year you've been sent to the office. We need to find a better outlet, a more...constructive outlet.
:'''Dash:''' '''''Maybe I could,''''' if you’d let me go out for '''''sports'''''.
:'''Helen:''' Honey, you know why we can’t do that.
:'''Dash:''' I promise I’ll slow up. I’ll only be the best by a tiny bit.
:'''Helen:''' Dashiell Robert Parr, you are an '''''incredibly competitive boy''''', and a bit of a showoff. The last thing you need is temptation.
:'''Dash:''' You always say, &quot;'''''Do your best'''''&quot;, but you don’t really '''''mean it'''''. Why can’t I do the best that I can do?
:'''Helen:''' Right now, honey, the world just wants us to fit in, and to '''''fit in''''', we just gotta be like everybody else.
:'''Dash:''' Dad always said our powers were nothing to be ashamed of. Our powers made us special.
:'''Helen:''' Everyone's special, Dash.
:'''Dash:''' ''[muttering]'' Which is another way of saying '''''no one is'''''.
:''[At Western View Junior High, daughter [[w:Violet Parr|Violet]] stands next to the stairs outside and Tony, her crush, walks out]''
:'''Boy:''' Hey, Rydinger. Where you headed?
:'''Girl:''' Hi, Tony.
:'''Tony:''' Hey.
:'''Boy:''' Hey, Tony, can I carry your books?
:'''Tony:''' That’s kind of funny.
:'''Boy 1:''' Hey, Tony, do you play football?
:'''Boy 2:''' Tony, I thought we were gonna go swimming.
:''[Tony walks by Violet but when he turns around, he doesn't see anyone. Confused, Tony walks away. Violet's invisible but her clothes are still visible and afterwards becomes fully visible again]''
:'''Violet:''' He looked at me.
:''[car horn honking]''
:'''Dash''': Come on, Violet!
:''[Bob is on an interstate highway and heading home from Insuricare in gridlock traffic]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[slowly arrives in the driveway with his grossly under-sized hatchback, opens the door, accidentally slips on a skateboard and leaves a finger crush on the door, muttering angrily]'' Darn kids. Sitting on the driveway. ''[notices his finger crush on the door]'' Oh, great. ''[attempts to shut the car door with increasing frustration. The third time he quickly throws it closed, only for the door window to crash and shatter.]'' Oh my. ''[He loses his temper, turns red in anger and angrily lifts the car over his head, only to see a boy named Rusty McAllister on his Big Wheel staring at him. Rusty's bubblegum bubble pops. Bob puts the car down, and checks for Rusty. Bob makes his way into the house]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Everyone's eating at the dinner table while Helen feeds Jack-Jack]''
:'''Dash:''' Mom. You’re making weird faces again.
:'''Helen:''' Mmm. No, I'm not.
:'''Bob:''' You make weird faces, honey.
:'''Helen:''' Do ya have to read at the table?
:'''Bob:''' Uh-huh. Yeah.
:'''Helen:''' ''[spots Dash trying to take a bite out of his steak without cutting it]'' Smaller bites, Dash. Yikes! Bob, could you help the carnivore cut his meat?
:'''Dash:''' Ow.
:''[Bob goes over to Dash and cuts his steak]''
:'''Helen:''' Dash, ya have something you wanna tell your father about school?
:'''Dash:''' ''[nervously]'' Well, we dissected a frog.
:'''Helen:''' Dash got sent to the office again.
:'''Bob:''' ''[distracted]'' Good. Good.
:'''Helen:''' No Bob, that's bad.
:'''Bob:''' What?
:'''Helen:''' Dash got sent to the office again.
:'''Bob:''' What? What for?
:'''Dash:''' ''[through his teeth]'' Nothing.
:'''Helen:''' He put a tack on the teacher’s chair... during class.
:'''Dash:''' ''[muttering]'' Nobody saw me. You could barely see it on the tape.
:'''Bob:''' They caught you on tape and you still got away with it? Whoa! You must have been booking. How fast did you think you were going?
:'''Helen:''' Bob! We are not encouraging this.
:'''Bob:''' I’m not encouraging, I’m just asking how fast...
:'''Helen:''' Honey!
:''[Bob accidentally cuts through the plate and then pauses for a few seconds]''
:'''Bob:''' Great. First the car, now I gotta pay to fix the table...
:'''Helen:''' The car? What happened to the car?
:'''Bob:''' Here. I’m getting a new plate. ''[He leaves angrily and goes into the kitchen]''
:'''Helen:''' ''[clearing her throat]'' So, how about you, Vi? How was school?
:'''Violet:''' ''[sullenly]'' Nothin’ to report.
:'''Helen:''' You’ve hardly touched your food.
:'''Violet:''' I’m not hungry for meatloaf.
:'''Helen:''' Well, it is leftover night. We have steak, pasta. What are ya hungry for?
:'''Dash:''' ''[annoyingly teases Violet]'' Tony Rydinger.
:'''Violet:''' ''[angrily]'' Shut up!
:'''Dash:''' ''[annoyingly teases Violet again]'' Well, you are.
:'''Violet:''' ''[angrily shouts at Dash]'' I said, shut up, you little insect!
:'''Dash:''' ''[annoyingly teases Violet one final time]'' Well, she is.
:'''Helen:''' ''[angrily covers Violet and Dash's mouths]'' DO NOT SHOUT AT THE TABLE! Honey!
:'''Bob:''' ''[Off-screen; in the other room]'' Kids! Listen to your mother.
:''[Helen sighs and the family goes back to eating dinner]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[under his breath as he takes a sip from his cup]'' She'd eat if we were having &quot;Tony loaf&quot;.
:'''Violet:''' ''[enraged]'' &lt;big&gt;''''THAT'S IT!''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[furiously jumps over the table and angrily starts fighting with Dash]'' That’s it!
:''[Dash and Violet start fighting]''
:'''Helen:''' Stop it!
:'''Dash:''' ''[furiously starts running around the table angrily hitting Violet every time he passes her]'' You’re gonna be toast!
:'''Helen:''' Stop running in the house. Sit down!
:''[Violet angrily puts a force field in front of Dash to stop him, laughing]''
:'''Dash''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;''''Ow! Hey, no force fields!''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Violet:''' You started it.
:'''Helen:''' ''[stretches her arms to grab Dash and Violet]'' You sit down! You sit down! Violet! ''[Dash and Violet go under the table to fight with Helen’s arms still attached; Jack-Jack is clearly enjoying this]'' Ow! Ow!
:'''Bob:''' ''[gets another plate while still reading the newspaper]'' Simon J. Paladino, longtime advocate of superhero rights, is missing? Gazerbeam.
:'''Helen:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''BOB! IT'S TIME TO ENGAGE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; Do something! Don’t just stand there! I need you to... intervene!
:'''Bob:''' You want me to intervene? Okay!
:''[picks up the table and Helen, with the kids still fighting]''
:'''Bob:''' I’m intervening, I’m intervening!
:'''Helen:''' Violet, let go of your brother!
:''[The doorbell rings.]''
:'''Jack-Jack:''' Hello?
:'''Bob:''' Get the door.
:''[The family quickly goes back to their regular positions except for Dash, who runs over to answer the door.]''
:'''Dash:''' Hey, Lucius!
:'''Lucius''': Hey, Speedo! Hey, Helen. Vi, Jack-Jack.
:''[Dash runs back to his seat at the table]''
:'''Bob:''' He-hey! '''''Ice of you''''' to drop by.
:'''Lucius:''' Ha! Never heard '''''that''''' one before.
:'''Dash''' ''[gargling]:'' Oh, Lucius! ''[He spits water in the air.]''
:'''Lucius:''' Whoa!
:''[He freezes the spit shot and catches it.]''
:'''Lucius''': Ah-ha.
:'''Dash:''' Aw... I like it when it shatters.
:'''Bob:''' I’ll be back later.
:'''Helen:''' Hey, where are you two going?
:'''Bob:''' It’s Wednesday.
:'''Helen:''' Oh. Bowling night. Say hello to Honey for me, Lucius.
:'''Lucius:''' Will do. Good night, Helen. Good night, kids.
:'''Helen:''' ''[glares at Dash]'' Don’t think you’ve avoided talking about your trip to the principal’s office, young man. Your father and I are still gonna discuss it.
:'''Dash:''' I’m not the only kid who’s been sent to the office, you know.
:'''Helen:''' Other kids don’t have superpowers. Now, it’s perfectly normal...
:'''Violet:''' Normal? What do '''''you''''' know about normal? What does '''''anyone in this family know about normal'''''?
:'''Helen:''' Now, wait a minute, young lady.
:'''Violet:''' We act normal, mom! I wanna '''''be''''' normal! The only '''''normal one''''' is Jack-Jack, and he’s not even toilet trained!!
:''[Jack-Jack laughs]''
:'''Dash:''' Lucky. I meant about being normal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bob and Lucius sit in Lucius's large, comfortable sedan, which is parked in a run-down city neighborhood, reminiscing. A portable police scanner sits on the dashboard, volume low, occasionally interrupting his story]''
:'''Lucius:''' So now I’m in deep trouble. I mean, one more jolt of this death ray and I’m an epitaph. Somehow I managed to find cover and what does Baron Von Ruthless do?
:'''Bob:''' ''[laughing]'' He starts monologuing.
:'''Lucius:''' He starts monologuin'! He starts, like, this prepared speech about how '''''feeble''''' I am compared to him. How '''''inevitable my defeat is''''', how the '''''world will soon be his'''''! Yada, yada, yada.
:'''Bob:''' Yammerin'.
:'''Lucius:''' Yammerin'! I mean, the guy has me on a platter, and he won’t shut up.
:'''Police Radio:''' Municiberg, we have a 23-56...
:''[Bob turns up the volume, suddenly intense]''
:'''Bob:''' 23-56, what is that? Robbery?
:'''Lucius:''' This is just sad.
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, robbery. Wanna catch a robber?
:'''Lucius:''' No. Tell you the truth, I’d rather go '''''bowling'''''. Look, what if we actually '''''did''''' what our wives '''''think we’re doing'''''? Just to shake things up.
:''[Meanwhile, in an undercover car....]''
:'''Mirage:''' He’s not alone. The fat guy’s still with him. They’re just talking.
:''[Back in Lucius's car]''
:'''Lucius:''' What are we doin' here, Bob?
:'''Bob:''' We're protecting people.
:'''Lucius:''' Nobody '''''asked us'''''.
:'''Bob:''' You need an '''''invitation'''''?
:'''Lucius:''' I’d like one, yes. We keep sneakin' out to do this, and... you remember Gazerbeam?
:'''Bob:''' Yeah. There was somethin' about him in the paper.
:'''Lucius:''' He had trouble adjusting to civilian life, too.
:'''Bob:''' When’s the last time you saw him?
:'''Lucius:''' I don’t see anyone from the old days, Bob. Just you. And we’re pushin' our luck as it is.
:'''Bob:''' Oh, come on. Come on, come on.
:'''Lucius:''' It was fun the first time, but if we keep doin' this, we’re gonna get''—''
:'''Police Radio:''' We have a report on a fire...
:'''Bob:''' A fire. We’re close! ''[yelling]'' &lt;big&gt;'''YEAH, BABY!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lucius:''' We’re gonna get caught.
:'''Bob:''' WOOO-HOO!
:''[Lucius reluctantly drives forward...]''
:'''Bob:''' Fire! Yeah!
:''[...as the undercover car follows them]''
:''[The camera pans through the inside of a burning building, and then centers on Lucius and Bob, who are both carrying several people over their shoulders]''
:'''Lucius:''' Is that everybody!?
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, that’s everyone!
:'''Lucius:''' It '''''better be'''''. ''[He attempts to generate ice in vain]''
:'''Bob:''' Can’t you put this out?
:'''Lucius:''' I can’t lay down a layer thick enough! It’s evaporating too fast!
:'''Bob:''' Well, what’s that mean?
:'''Lucius:''' It means it’s '''''hot'''''! And I’m '''''dehydrated''''', Bob!
:'''Bob:''' You’re out of ice? You can’t run out of ice! I thought you used the water in the air!
:'''Lucius:''' There '''''is''''' no water in this air! What’s your excuse, run outta muscle?!
:'''Bob:''' I just can’t go smashing into walls! The building’s getting weaker by the second! It’s gonna come down on top of us!
:'''Lucius:''' ''I'' wanted to go '''''bowling!!!'''''
:'''Bob:''' All right! Stay right on my tail! This is gonna get hot!
:''[Bob turns to his side and begins to run with Lucius following him. They crash through the side of the building into the building next to them. A second outside shot of the burning building shows it collapse.]''
:'''Bob:''' Yeah....
:''[But he realizes they’re in a jewelry store...]''
:'''Bob:''' Uh-oh.
:''[...and unknowingly trips the alarm]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, good.
:''[alarm sounds]''
:'''Lucius:''' Oh, now that ain’t right.
:'''Lucius:''' WE LOOK LIKE BAD GUYS! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''INCOMPETENT BAD GUYS!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Bob:''' You can get water out of the air!
:''[A police officer breaks in like '''[[w:Virtua Cop|Virtua Cop]]'''.]''
:'''Police Officer:''' FREEZE! ''[They do]'' ''[Lucius, noticing a water cooler, picks up a paper cup and begins to fill it with water]'' FREEZE!
:'''Lucius:''' I'm thirsty.
:'''Police Officer:''' I SAID &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''FREEZE!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lucius:''' I’m just... getting... a drink. ''[He drinks the water]''
:'''Police Officer:''' Alright. You’ve had your drink.... Now I want you to...
:'''Lucius:''' ''[Holding up hands in mock surrender]'' I know. I know... ''[drops the cup]'' '''Freeze.''' ''[He shoots a breeze of ice, freezing the officer and even the bullet]''
:''[police radio chatter]''
:'''Police Radio:''' Shots fired!
:'''Officers:''' '''POLICE OFFICERS!'''
:''[Drawing their guns, the cops are stopped by a bewildering sight: a recovering heap of rescued fire victims at the base of an enormous hole in the wall. Standing watch over them is the police officer, stunned and blinking under a layer of ice. Bob and Lucius jump into Lucius's car, pulling off their ski masks]''
:'''Lucius:''' That was way too close. We are not doing that again.
:'''Radio voice:''' Verify you wanna switch targets? Over.
:'''Mirage:''' Trust me. This is the one he’s been looking for.
:''[Bob enters quietly through the kitchen, pausing in the kitchen long enough to nab the remaining hunk of chocolate cake. Humming pleasantly as he chews, he moves into the living room when a voice comes out of the dark. Bob freezes. A light snaps on. A chair swivels around- it's Helen, wearing her robe and a peeved expression.]''
:'''Helen:''' ''[angrily]'' I thought you'd be back by 11.
:'''Bob:''' I said I'd be back later.
:'''Helen:''' I assumed you’d be back later. If you came back at all...you’d be &quot;back later&quot;.
:'''Bob:''' Well, I’m back, okay?
:'''Helen:''' ''[noticing a small piece of debris on Bob’s shirt]'' Is this... rubble?
:'''Bob:''' ''[with mouth full]'' It was just a little workout. Just to stay loose.
:'''Helen:''' You know how I feel about that, Bob! Darn you! We can’t blow our cover again!
:'''Bob:''' The building was coming down anyway.
:'''Helen:''' ''[shocked]'' What?! You knocked down a building?!
:'''Bob:''' It was on fire. Structurally unsound. It was coming down anyway.
:'''Helen:''' ''[facepalms]'' Tell me you haven't been listening to the police scanner again.
:'''Bob:''' Look, I performed a public service. You act like that’s a bad thing!
:'''Helen:''' It is a bad thing, Bob! Uprooting our family '''''again''''', so you can relive the glory days is a very bad thing!
:'''Bob:''' Reliving the glory days is better than acting like they didn’t happen!
:'''Helen:''' Yes! They happened! But this, our family, is what’s happening now, Bob. And you are missing this! I can’t believe you don’t wanna go to your own son’s graduation!
:'''Bob:''' It’s not a graduation. He’s moving from the fourth grade to the fifth grade.
:'''Helen:''' It’s a ceremony!
:'''Bob:''' It’s '''''psychotic'''''! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity but if someone is genuinely exceptional, then—
:'''Helen:''' This is not about you, Bob! This is about Dash!
:'''Bob:''' You wanna do something for Dash? Then let him actually compete! Let him go out for sports!
:'''Helen:''' I will not be made the enemy here! You know why we can’t do that!
:'''Bob:''' ''[enraged]'' BECAUSE HE'D BE GREAT!
:''[Helen angrily stretches her neck over Bob's head]''
:'''Helen:''' THIS IS NOT… '''ABOUT'''… &lt;big&gt;'''YOU'''!&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Off-screen, a soft ‘woosh’ is heard in the background. Bob and Helen turn to the couch.]''
:'''Bob:''' All right, Dash. I know you’re listening. Come on out.
:'''Helen:''' Vi? You, too, young lady. ''[Violet materializes]''
:'''Bob:''' Come on. Come on out. It’s okay, kids. We’re just having a discussion.
:'''Violet:''' Pretty ''loud'' discussion.
:'''Bob:''' Yeah. But that’s okay. Because what’s important is that Mommy and I are always a team. We’re always united against, uh, the forces of, uh...
:'''Helen:''' Pigheadedness?
:'''Bob:''' I was gonna say evil or something.
:'''Helen:''' We’re sorry we woke you. Everything’s okay. Go back to bed. It’s late.
:'''Dash:''' Good night, Mom. Night, Dad.
:'''Violet:''' Good night.
:'''Helen:''' In fact, we should '''''all''''' be in bed. ''[walks over to the nearby lamp and turns it off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut to the next day. Bob sits at his tiny desk. One look at his bleary face says it all: he hasn't slept all night. His intercom BEEPS. Bob glares at it a beat, then hits ANSWER.]''
:'''Woman''' ''[on phone]'': Request claim on claim numbers 158183....
:'''Huph:''' &lt;big&gt;'''''HAVEN'T YOU GOT HIM YET, HEY WHERE IS HE?!? PLEASE! RIGHT NOW!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Huph's Secretary:''' ''[over the intercom]'' Mr. Huph would like to talk to you in his office.
:'''Bob:''' Now?
:'''Huph's Secretary:''' '''''Now...'''''
:''[Huph shows up continues to yell indistinctly over the phone. Bob eventually gets up from his cubicle and heads to Huph's Office. Mirage slowly walks over, looks around and leaves something on his desk]''
:''[Cut to the inside of Huph's office. Marginally bigger than Bob's office, with a coveted window to the outside world. Painfully clean and joyless. Every pencil sharpened, every paper perfectly stacked and aligned to run parallel to the edge of the desktop]''
:''[Huph sharpens his pencil and aligns it with the other three]''
:'''Huph:''' Sit down, Bob.
:''[He does, moving the 4th pencil. Huph re-aligns it and starts.]''
:'''Huph:''' ''[seriously]'' I’m not happy, Bob. &lt;big&gt;Not.... happy?!?&lt;/big&gt; ''[He gets up.]'' Ask me why.
:'''Bob:''' Okay. Why?
:'''Huph:''' Why what? Be specific, Bob.
:'''Bob:''' Why are you unhappy?
:'''Huph:''' Your customers make me unhappy.
:'''Bob:''' What, you’ve gotten complaints?
:'''Huph:''' '''''Complaints''''' I can handle. What I can’t handle is your clients’ inexplicable knowledge of Insuricare’s inner workings!! They're experts! '''EXPERTS''', Bob! Exploiting every loophole, dodging every obstacle! They're '''''penetrating the bureaucracy!!'''''
:'''Bob:''' Did I do something illegal?
:'''Huph:''' ''[begrudgingly]'' ...no...
:'''Bob:''' Are you saying we shouldn’t help our customers?
:'''Huph:''' The law requires that I answer no.
:'''Bob:''' We’re supposed to help people!
:'''Huph:''' We're supposed to help '''''&lt;big&gt;&lt;u&gt;OUR&lt;/u&gt; PEOPLE!!&lt;/big&gt;''''' Starting with our stockholders, Bob! Who's helping them out, huh?!
:''[He sighs and regains composure.]''
:'''Huph:''' You know, Bob...
:''[He moves a letter that says:]''
:''[Memo: Policy Notification]''
:''[To: Employee]''
:''[From: Gilbert Huph]''
:''[Due to financial cutbacks, you will be expected to self-expense all office supplies, including but not limited to pencils, erasers, pens, paper, stationery, folders, staples, paper clips, brads, and photocopies. All parking will now be metered by the hour. Electricity consumption and all telephone charges will be deducted from your paycheck.]''
:''[The Board of Directors at Insuricare wishes to thank you for your selfless sacrifice through this time of financial uncertainty. It is because of you, the employee, that Insuricare has recorded its highest profit in years. Remember, a successful company makes for successful employees. Every penny you save is another penny that goes in....'' ''[the rest is covered by Huph's finger]''
:''[Salutations, Gilbert Huph]''
:'''Huph:''' ...a company...
:'''Bob:''' Is like an enormous clock.
:'''Huph:''' ...is like an enormous clo- Yes, precisely! It only works...if all the little cogs...mesh together! Now, a clock needs to be clean, well-lubricated and wound tight. The best clocks have jewel movements, cogs that fit, that cooperate by design. ''[chuckling]'' I’m being metaphorical, Bob....You know what I mean by cooperative cogs? Bob...?...Bob...?
:''[seriously grabs Bob by the chin and angrily pulls him toward him]'' '''''LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU, PARR!'''''
:''[Outside the window, Bob sees a man is being mugged]''
:'''Bob:''' That man out there, he needs help!
:'''Huph:''' Do '''''NOT''''' change the subject, Bob! We’re discussing &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''YOUR! ATTITUDE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Bob:''' He is getting mugged!
:'''Huph:''' Well, let’s hope we don’t cover him!
:'''Bob:''' ''[gets up out of his seat and heads for the door]'' I’ll be right back. ''[puts his hand on the doorknob]''
:'''Huph:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''STOP RIGHT NOW, OR YOU'RE FIRED!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[Bob stops, crushes the doorknob and angrily turns red]'' ''[Huph grins evilly]'' Close the door. ''[Bob reluctantly does]'' Get over here...now. ''[Bob lets go of the doorknob, now crushed out of shape, and walks over to Huph.]'' ''[seriously]'' I’m not happy, Bob. Not happy. ''[Bob watches the mugger getting away]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[seething]'' He got away.
:'''Huph:''' Good thing, too... heh! You were this close to losing your j-
:''[Bob furiously grabs Huph by the throat and throws him through 5 office walls. Huph crashes into a filing cabinet, badly injured. Everyone stares at Bob in shock]''
:'''Bob:''' Uh-oh.
:''[Cut to the hospital where Huph is seen in a full body cast in a hospital room]''
:'''PA:''' Please report to operating room 722 immediately.
:''[Rick Dicker comes out of the room where Huph is hospitalized. Bob and Rick conversate while heading to the elevator.]''
:'''Bob:''' How is he?
:'''Rick:''' He’ll live.
:'''Bob:''' I’m fired, aren’t I?
:'''Rick:''' Oh, you think?
:'''Bob:''' What can I say, Rick?
:'''Rick:''' Nothin' you haven’t said before.
:'''Bob:''' Someone was in trouble.
:'''Rick:''' Someone’s always in trouble.
:'''Bob:''' I had to do something.
:'''Rick:''' Yeah. Every time you say those words, it means a month and a half of trouble for me, Bob. It means hundreds of thousands of taxpayer’s dollars.
:''[Rick reaches and presses the down elevator button.]''
:'''Bob:''' I know.
:'''Rick:''' We gotta pay to keep the company quiet. We gotta pay damages, erase memories, relocate your family. Every time it gets harder. Money, money, money, money, money. W-We can’t keep doin' this, Bob! ''[he enters the elevator]'' We appreciate what you did in the old days, but those days are over. From now on, you're on your own.
:''[Bob stares at the floor, beaten. Rick looks at him with pity. Then as the elevator doors close, Rick stops it with his left arm]''
:'''Rick:''' Uh, listen, Bob.
:'''Rick:''' Maybe I could relocate you. You know, for old times’ sake.
:'''Bob:''' No. I can’t do that to my family. Everyone just got settled. I’ll make it work. Thanks.
:''[Rick stares at Bob a long moment. A bittersweet smile—]''
:'''Rick:''' Take care of yourself.
:''[Rick lets go of the elevator doors. Bob stares at them, numb]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bob climbs out of his car and is surprised to find Rusty on the Big Wheel, waiting in exactly the same spot as the day before]''
:'''Bob:''' Well, what are you waiting for?
:'''Rusty:''' I don’t know...something amazing, I guess....
:''[A rueful smile blooms and dies on Bob's face]''
:'''Bob:''' Me too, kid.
:''[Cut to a cramped, windowless museum of Mr. Incredible arcana. Walls and shelves cluttered with mementos of his storied past: framed photos, newspaper front pages, magazines, and, displayed on the wall under Plexiglas, his Mr. Incredible suit. Bob enters and closes the door. He opens his briefcase, pulls out an Insuricare employee manual. He growls and rips it in half, tossing it in the trashcan. On a roll now, he begins to dump the entire contents of his briefcase into the trash when—CLUNK! Bob double-takes— startled by the heavy sound. He peers over the edge of the desk, into the trash, and sees— a large manila envelope. He picks it up, and is surprised it's heavy. He opens it and pulls out a flat panel about a half-inch thick. On it is printed &quot;This End Up&quot;. He turns the panel as instructed. In the center is a small circle with writing beneath it. Bob squints, unable to read the tiny letters. He brings it closer—his point of view: As the letters... slowly... come... into... focus]''
:'''Bob''': Huh? Hold still?
:''[Suddenly, the panel projects a blue grid over Bob's face, we hear a robotic male voice]''
:'''Tablet''': Match: Mr. Incredible.
:''[Bob drops the panel in surprise. It clatters to the floor, still functioning. A small foot-long rod with the metal ball at the top pops out from the panel, the ball at the tip makes a quick, single revolution, scanning the surrounding room with a vertical beam]''
:'''Tablet''': Room is Secure. Commence Message.
:''[The panel flickers. It's a video screen. An image appears, the beautiful platinum blonde woman who visited earlier that day is seen]''
:'''Mirage:''' Hello, Mr. Incredible. Yes, we know who you are. Rest assured, your secret is safe with us. My name is Mirage. We have somethin' in common. According to the government, neither of us exist. Please pay attention, as this message is classified and will not be repeated.
:''[Bob quickly gets to his pencil case and tries a pencil; one is not working and then he grabs one that works. He starts taking notes on Mirage's message.]''
:'''Mirage:''' I represent a top-secret division of the government, designing and testing experimental technology, and we have need of your unique abilities. Something has happened at our testing facility. A highly experimental attack robot...
:'''Helen:''' ''[interrupting]'' Honey!
:'''Bob:''' Huh? What?
:'''Helen:''' Dinner’s ready!
:'''Bob:''' Okay!
:'''Mirage:''' ...has escaped control. Although it is contained within an isolated area, it threatens to cause incalculable damage to itself and to our facilities, jeopardizing hundreds of millions of dollars' worth of equipment in research...
:'''Helen:''' ''[interrupting]'' Is someone in there?
:'''Bob:''' It’s the TV, trying to watch!
:'''Mirage:''' Because of its highly sensitive nature, this mission does not, nor will it ever, exist.
:'''Helen:''' Well, stop trying. It’s time for dinner!
:'''Bob:''' One minute!
:'''Mirage:''' If you accept, your payment will be triple your current annual salary. ''[Bob's jaw goes slack. He scribbles &quot;BIG$&quot;]'' Call the number on the card. Voice-matching will be used to ensure security. The supers aren’t gone, Mr. Incredible. You’re still here...You can still do great things! Or...you can listen to police scanners. Your choice. You have 24 hours to respond. Think about it.
:''[The device shuts off. Bob realizes what Mirage said....and he looks at his past, knowing that this one chance could bring his glory days back...he then looks at his old suit, with a smile.]''
:''[Beeping, as Mirage's phone number is printed on a holographic card.]''
:'''Tablet:''' This...message...will...self-destruct.
:'''Bob:''' Uh-oh.
:''[He stumbles out of the office in a cloud of smoke. The smoke rises and triggers the fire alarm and sprinkler system. Violet shuts off panel, while Dash expresses joy.]''
:''[Helen is moving the chairs from the table; the front door is open to air out the house. Books of all kinds are on the counter as Bob uses a hair dryer to dry the pages]''
:'''Helen:''' You...are one distracted guy.
:'''Bob:''' Hmm? Am I? I don’t mean to be.
:'''Helen:''' I know you miss being a hero and your job is frustrating. I just want you to know how much it means to me that you stay at it anyway.
:'''Bob:''' Honey? About the job?
:'''Helen:''' What?
:'''Bob:''' Something’s happened.
:'''Helen:''' ''[concerned]'' '''What?'''
:'''Bob:''' The, uh...
:'''Helen:''' '''''What...'''''
:'''Bob:''' The company is sending me to, uh, a conference.
:'''Helen:''' A conference?
:'''Bob:''' ''[stammering]'' Out of town. And I’m just gonna be gone for a few days.
:'''Helen:''' They’ve never sent you to a conference before.... This is good, isn’t it?
:'''Bob:''' ''[hesitating]'' Yes.
:'''Helen:''' You see? They’re finally recognizing your talents.... you’re moving up!
:'''Bob:''' Yes.
:'''Helen:''' Honey! Awww...This is wonderful!
:'''Bob:''' Yes, it is.
:''[calls the number on the card. Mirage's number is shown: 866-787-7476]''
:'''Mirage:''' ''[over phone]'' Hello?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' This is Mr. Incredible....I’m in.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A sleek-looking Manta Jet slices the sky. Bob, clad in his old (and now too-tight) Mr. Incredible suit is on board along with Mirage. She is briefing Bob on his mission.]''
:'''Mirage:''' The Omnidroid 9000 is a top-secret prototype battle robot. Its artificial intelligence enables it to solve any problem it’s confronted with. And unfortunately...
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Let me guess. It got smart enough to wonder why it had to take orders.
:'''Mirage:''' We lost control. And now it’s loose in the jungle, threatening our facility. We’ve had to evacuate all personnel from the island for their own safety.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' How am I going in?
:'''Mirage:''' The Omnidroid’s defenses necessitate an airdrop from 5,000 feet. Its cloaking devices make it difficult to track. Although we’re pretty sure it’s on the southern half of the island. One more thing. Obviously, it represents a significant investment.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You want me to shut it down without completely destroying it.
:'''Mirage:''' You '''''are''''' Mr. Incredible.
:''[Bob is on an advanced seat, he puts his belt on, and the seat shifts into a bed, as it is about to enter a shuttle. However, being out of shape is causing a problem to get him into the shuttle. The soldier then increases the seat power and it successfully gets Mr. Incredible in the shuttle.]''
:'''Mirage:''' I’ve got to warn you, it’s a learning robot. Every moment you spend fighting it only increases its knowledge of how to beat you.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Shut it down. Do it quickly. Don’t destroy it.
:'''Mirage:''' And '''''don’t die.'''''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Great. Thanks.
:''[The shuttle ejects. It rockets down the island. After stopping, it propels with two blades. After a while, it lands. Mr. Incredible tries to get out, but his belly won't let him out. He goes back in and punches the shuttle in half. He flexes and gets ready.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Showtime.
:''[He explores the jungle, prepares to find the Omnidroid.]''
:''[He sees a blade mark on a tree and a cross on the grass. Suddenly, the Omnidroid surprises him from behind, as it tries to impale him unsuccessfully. It slashes a 3rd time, only against a mark on Mr. Incredible's arm. Mr. Incredible leaps over the robot and throws a punch that sends it flying to a tree.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[gruntingly]'' Yeah!
:''[The Omnidroid gets up, and the real fight begins.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Uh-oh.
:''[The Omnidroid charges at him, as he leaps over. The robot unfortunately calculated his leaping arc, and that allowed it to swat him mid-air, slamming Mr. Incredible into another tree that toppled onto the Omnidroid. But the robot rolled out of its way, and reformed. The robot curled up again to crush him, only for Mr. Incredible to dodge it, as it knocks down some trees before charging at him quickly. Mr. Incredible sprints his way off, but he almost gets crushed by the robot as he jumps over a cliff, slides on it, and lands. The Omnidroid arrives at a similar pace, as it receives a boulder from our hero. The Omnidroid does the same 3 times, the latter hitting Mr. Incredible. It almost impales him unsuccessfully. Its claw is lodged in the cliff, as the hero runs for safety. The Omnidroid pulls its limb out of the cliff and leaps high into the air, intent on crushing Mr. Incredible, who leapt out of the way and landed in the lava fields. The Omnidroid lands and makes an attempt to push Mr. Incredible into the lava as he tried to push back. After a few seconds however, he lets out a scream while using his maximum strength and jerk-pulls the robot aside into the lava.]''
:''[Bob laughs in what he thought was his victory, but after trying to spin, his spine cracks.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' AH! Ow, ow, ow! OH, MY BACK!
:''[The Omnidroid suddenly bursts out of the lava through a piece of the stone platform, making it crack. It proceeds to spin its claws, as Mr. Incredible leaps on a chunk of rock. But then the Omnidroid grabs him by his feet with one of its claws and slams him to the ground before grabbing his arms with another. It begins to pull him apart.... until it stops when it accidentally fixes his back.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Oh....Hahaha!
:''[He then jack-knifes, ripping the claw off one of its arms. He runs under the robot, as it uses its lower sensor cluster. Just as it spots its target, he rips it off, and climbs inside the robot, as it unintentionally starts damaging itself. After a while, it stops, weakened. Mr. Incredible punches off its upper sensor cluster, as it whistles while &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;riding&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt; the robot. The robot tries to pull him out, but it accidentally tears out its CPU. Mr. Incredible jumps out of the robot and casually walks away, as the Omnidroid motionlessly falls down.]''
:''[A mecha-macaw observed everything, as it zooms to the screen.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[first words; silhouetted, to Mirage]'' Surprising. We must bring him back. Sound the all-clear, and…invite him to dinner.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Incredible is in a pod, inside the volcano's magma flows. He waits for Mirage in a huge dining room, while peeking to see who the mysterious man was.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[silhouetted]'' Most important, keep things light. Praise him. Make him feel like we appreciate his abilities.
:''[He hides back and pretends to have waited long enough.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Am I overdressed?
:'''Mirage:''' Actually, you look rather dashing.
:''[They head to the dining table and sit.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I take it our host is...
:'''Mirage:''' Oh, I’m sorry. He won’t be dining with us. He hopes you’ll understand.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Of course. I do usually make it a point to know who I’m working for.
:'''Mirage:''' He prefers a certain amount of anonymity. Surely, you of all people understand that.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I was just wondering, of all the places to settle down, why live...
:'''Mirage''': In a volcano? He’s attracted to power. So am I. It’s a weakness we share.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Seems a bit unstable.
:'''Mirage:''' I prefer to think of it as misunderstood.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''' ''[chuckling]:'' Aren’t we all?
:'''Mirage:''' Volcanic soil is among the most fertile on Earth. Everything at the table was grown right here. How does it compare?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Everything’s delicious.
:''[Bob raises his glass. Mirage smiles and does likewise]''
:''[MONTAGE: INCREDIBLE AGAIN — His self-esteem back, Bob returns home with renewed vigor. He bonds with his kids, gets frisky with Helen, and takes pride in his new appearance. He buys a new snazzy sports car for himself, and a new car for Helen. After he says goodbye to Helen several mornings, clearly pretending to go off to the job he no longer holds at Insuricare, we see how he's actually spending his days; dropping weight and getting in shape. The Superheroic workouts do their job; Bob is in the best shape he's been in many years.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bob, now dressed in a more expensive and tailored version of his Insuricare suit, pauses to examine the torn spot on his Mr. Incredible supersuit]''
:'''Bob:''' Ah, jeez.
:'''Helen:''' Hurry, honey! Or you’ll be late for work! ''[Bob quickly stuffs his SUPERSUIT into his briefcase and snaps it shut.]'' Have a great day, honey.
:'''Bob:''' Thanks.
:'''Helen:''' Help customers, climb ladders...
:'''Bob:''' Bring bacon?
:'''Helen:''' All that jazz.
:''[Bob drives away. He pulls up to an imposing gate, a futuristic web of parallel laser beams. He turns toward a video screen and presses a button beneath it. The video screen lights up, revealing a burly guard]''
:'''Guard:''' You have an appointment?
:'''Bob:''' I’m an old friend. I just wanted to...
:'''Guard:''' All visitors are required to make a reser—
:''[The guard suddenly flinches from something below camera, and is shooed offscreen by a strident, husky female voice. A pair of huge glasses fronting the top half of a head rises into the bottom half of the screen, out of focus. This is Edna Mode, known by her friends simply as &quot;E.&quot;]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' ''[shoos the guard away]'' Get back to work! Go check the electric fence or something! What is it? Who are you? What do you want?
:''[Bob lowers his sunglasses]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, you’ve gotten fat. Come in, Come, come!
:''[The gate opens, and Bob drives up the long driveway that winds up the hill to E's tastefully arty palace.]''
:''[E leads Bob through the tasteful, minimalistic entranceway into her massive living room. E is in her early sixties, half German, half Japanese, and like both of those small countries, not to be underestimated.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, things are going quite well. Quite well. My God, no complaints. But, you know, it is not the same. Not the same at all.
:'''Bob:''' Weren’t you just in the news? Some show in Prayge...Prague?
:'''Edna Mode:''' Milan, darling. Milan. Supermodels. Ha! Nothing super about them. Spoiled, stupid, little stick figures with poofy lips who think only about themselves. Feh! I used to design for gods.... but perhaps you come with a challenge, eh? I was surprised to get your call.
:'''Bob:''' E, I just need a patch job.
:''[Bob hands E his damaged suit. She examines it, frowning.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Hmm. This is megamesh. Outmoded, but very sturdy. And you’ve torn '''''right through it'''''! What have you been '''''doing''''', Robert? Moonlighting hero work?
:'''Bob:''' Musta happened a long time ago.
:'''Edna Mode:''' I see. This is a '''''hobo suit''''', darling, you can’t be seen in this! ''[throws it away]'' I won’t allow it! Fifteen years ago, maybe, but now?
:'''Bob:''' ''[takes it out of the garbage]'' What do you mean? You designed it.
:'''Edna Mode:''' I never look back, darling. It distracts from the now. You need a new suit. That much is certain.
:'''Bob:''' A new suit? Where the heck am I gonna get a new suit?
:'''Edna Mode:''' '''''You can't!''''' It’s impossible! I’m far too busy. So ask me now, before I again become sane....
:'''Bob:''' Wait....you want... to make me... a suit?
:'''Edna Mode:''' You push too hard, darling! But I accept. It will be bold. Dramatic!
:'''Bob:''' Yeah.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Heroic!
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, something classic, like Dynaguy! Oh! He had a great look! Oh, the cape and the boots—
:'''Edna Mode:''' No capes! ''[She throws a paper ball at him.]''
:'''Bob:''' Isn’t that '''''my decision'''''?
:''[Unaccustomed to being questioned, E visibly stiffens.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Do you remember... Thunderhead?
:''[FLASHBACK: THUNDERHEAD IN HIS PRIME --beefy and B-movie handsome, decked out in a splendid outfit with elegant floor-length cape.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' ''[voiceover]'' Tall, storm powers. Nice man. Good with kids.
:'''Bob:''' Listen, E...
:'''Edna Mode:''' November 15th of ‘58. ''[RESUME FLASHBACK — A madman aims a missile launcher at a city across a bay. Thunderhead leaps into frame, dispatches him with a single punched and turns the missile towards the open sea. His duty done, he turns and smiles at a young lady standing nearby, failing to notice that his cape has caught on the missile, voiceover, continued]'' All was well, another day saved, when— ''[The rocket blasts into the distance, taking Thunderhead with it, voiceover, continued]'' —his cape snagged on a missile fin. ''[INTERCUT: comically brief FLASHBACKS [as E describes them] of each Super being doomed by his or her cape.]''
:'''Bob:''' Thunderhead was not the brightest bulb...
:'''Edna Mode:''' Stratogale! April 23rd, ‘57. Cape caught in a jet turbine. 
:'''Bob:''' E, you can’t generalize about these things.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Meta-Man, Express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''NO CAPES!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; Now, go on. Your new suit will be finished before your next assignment.
:'''Bob:''' You know I’m retired from hero work.
:'''Edna Mode:''' As am I, Robert. Yet here we are.
:'''Bob:''' E, I only need a patch job. For... sentimental reasons.
:'''Edna Mode:''' ''[she sighs begrudgingly]'' Fine. I will '''''also''''' fix the hobo suit...
:'''Bob:''' You’re the best of the best, E.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, I know, darling. ''[whispering]'' I know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut to Casa de Parr where Helen, in the bedroom, plucks one of Bob's enormous shirts from a stack of freshly cleaned laundry and hangs it up in their closet, when something catches her eye: A long, PLATINUM-BLONDE HAIR (Mirage's) on Bob's suit jacket. Helen plucks it off, examining it. The phone rings. She goes to answer it, hesitating when she hears—]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[off-screen, in his home office]'' I got it, I got it! Don’t answer it, honey, I got it!
:''[Helen frowns. There's something suspicious about Bob's eagerness.]''
:'''Bob:''' Hello?
:'''Mirage:''' ''[from the Nomanisan Control Room]'' We have a new assignment for you.
:''[Helen, in the bedroom, carefully picks up the phone, puts her finger on the switch hook, places a hand over the mouthpiece, and listens in]''
:'''Mirage:''' How soon can you get here?
:'''Bob:''' I’ll leave tomorrow morning.
:'''Mirage:''' See you there.
:'''Bob:''' Goodbye.
:''[Bob hangs up the phone and moves to the door, opening it. Helen is there, blocking the doorway. She forces a smile.]''
:'''Helen:''' Who was that, honey? The, uh, office?
:'''Bob:''' Another conference. Short notice, but you know...duty calls. ''[nervous laugh. Bob squeezes past her and exits. Helen stares into his den, feeling suspicious and impotent.]''
:''[cut to the garage where Bob is seated in his new sports car, its engine purring. He belts himself in. Helen enters, still in her robe.]''
:'''Helen:''' Bob?
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, what’s up, honey?
:'''Helen:''' ''[A storm of conflicting emotions play across her face. But she puts on a happy face and leans down through his open window.]'' Ha....have a great trip.
:'''Bob:''' Thanks, sweetie. I’ll call you when I get there.
:'''Helen:''' I love you... so much.
:''[Something in her voice makes Bob hesitate. He looks back at her, curious]''
:'''Bob:''' I love you too.
:''[He gives her a kiss, then backs out of the driveway, and, with a wave, drives off.]''
:''[Bob is now on Syndrome's Manta Jet. Leaner and meaner in his new supersuit, he dips a fresh shrimp into some cocktail sauce and gazes around the luxurious cabin. He's happy as a clam.]''
:'''Manta Jet Autopilot:''' This is your automated Captain speaking. Would you care for more mimosa?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Don’t mind if I do. Thanks.
:''[His glass disappears into his armrest, instantly replaced by a full glass of mimosa.]''
:'''Manta Jet Autopilot:''' You’re welcome. Currently 78 degrees in Nomanisan. Perfect weather for flying. Please fasten your seatbelt. We’re beginning our descent.
:''[As the jet begins its descent toward the island, we begin to see its spectacular aspects: active volcano, towering snowcapped peak, tumbling waterfalls, futuristic monorail, etc.... a paradise on earth. Suddenly the engines cut off and the jet plunges, nose down, into the sea, converting into a submersible.]''
:''[The jet sub cruises through a fantastic seascape of exotic otherworldly rock formations, toward the base of the island through vast curtains of bubbles created from a field of cooling lava. A massive door opens, revealing a huge underwater docking bay. The ship enters, the entrance closing behind them. The water drains. The jet sub settles to a landing. A giant docking tube extends from a side wall and connects to the side of the jet sub. Bob turns as a door opens, revealing a small side chamber and a pair of shapely legs. Mirage leans into view.]''
:'''Mirage:''' Hello, Mr. Incredible. Nice suit.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Thanks. Nice to be back, Mirage.
:''[Bob enters the monopod. The doors shut and it takes off. The monopod zooms along a track which rises from a tunnel beneath the lagoon and sweeps through the jungle. Although this is his second time here, Bob is seeing the island with new eyes. It is a WONDER. The monopod track disappears straight into a rushing waterfall. Suddenly the waterfall parts, the water separating like an enormously long chiffon curtain, revealing the intricately designed architecture hidden underneath. Continuing as it enters a vertical tube and zooms upward into the dark. Elevator doors slide open crisply. Bob enters and takes in the room. It is small, open and tasteful, with a balcony overlooking a breathtaking view of the jungle and the ocean beyond.]''
:'''Mirage:''' You’ll be briefed on your assignment in the conference room at two. D Wing, room A-113.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' 2:00. Got it.
:'''Mirage:''' See you there.
:''[Mirage leaves. Bob enters, throwing his case on the bed. He grabs a pear from a bowl of fresh fruit and takes a bite. He steps out on his balcony and leans against the railing. He could get used to paradise.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Helen vacuums the hallway next to Bob's office. She vacuums the carpet near the door, hears the vacuum pick up filth and groans before entering the room. She begins to vacuum the office and notices the door displaying Bob's old supersuit is open. She observes the suit and notices a rip in the left arm of the suit has been fixed]''
:'''Helen:''' ''[gasps, realizing who repaired the suit]'' Edna? I'd like to speak with Edna.
:'''Edna Mode:''' This is Edna.
:'''Helen:''' E? This is Helen.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Helen who?
:'''Helen:''' Helen Parr? You know... Elastigirl.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Darling! ''[Helen nearly drops the phone]'' It’s been such a long time after all these years! So long!
:'''Helen:''' Yes, yes, yes. It’s been a while. Listen, there’s only one person Bob would trust to patch his supersuit and that’s you.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, yes, yes. Marvelous, isn’t it? Much better than those horrible pajamas he used to wear. They are finished. When are you coming to see?
:'''Helen:''' Look, I’m calling about...
:'''Edna Mode:''' Don’t make me beg, darling. I won’t do it, you know.
:'''Helen:''' Beg? Uh, no. I’m calling about suit. Ab-about Bob’s suit! I’m calling about Bob’s suit!
:'''Edna Mode:''' You come in one hour, darling. I insist, okay? Okay. Goodbye.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bob enters the conference room. No one is there. He checks the wall clock: two o'clock. He decides to enter and takes a seat at the table. There are some strange, low sounds. Then the far wall slides open, revealing the outdoors and — a bigger, badder Omnidroid.]''
:''[Bob turns to run, but the Omnidroid is fast. It grabs him and flings him into the outside air. Bob sails to the edge of the jungle, landing with a thud. Before he can react, the robot has him again and slams him into the ground. A voice comes over a loudspeaker.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' '''''It’s bigger! It’s badder!'''''
:''[The robot seizes Bob in one giant claw, turning two others into whirling blades. They close in on Bob's neck — when Syndrome descends from the sky on jet-boots, landing on top of the enormous robot]''
:'''Syndrome:''' '''''Ladies and gentlemen, it's... too much for Mr. Incredible!'''''
:''[Syndrome reveals himself.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Whoa, Whoa! Whoa! It’s finally ready! ''[He shuts down the blades of the Omnidroid.]'' You know, I went through quite a few supers to get it worthy to fight you, but man, it wasn’t good enough!! After you trashed the last one, I had to make some major modifications. Sure it was difficult, but you are worth it. I mean, after all... I am your biggest fan.
:''[Bob suddenly recognizes some familiarity with his rejected sidekick]''
:'''Bob:''' Buddy?
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[furiously yells at Mr. Incredible]'' My name is not... &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''BUDDY!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[The Omnidroid throws Bob on the floor. Syndrome lands]'' And it’s not Incrediboy either! That ship has sailed. All I wanted was to help you. I only wanted to HELP! AND WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?! ''[flashback to a shot from the prologue, softened by memory.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Fly home, Buddy. I work alone. ''[Buddy, still in his IncrediBoy costume, but without the mask, glowers up at his poster to Mr. Incredible and tears it  off the wall]''
:'''Syndrome''' ''[as the flashback ends]'': It tore me apart. But I learned an important lesson: You can’t count on anyone. '''Especially''' your heroes.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I was wrong to treat you that way. I’m sorry!
:'''Syndrome:''' See? Now you respect me, because I’m a ''threat''. That’s the way it works. Turns out there’s a lot of people, whole countries who want respect. And they will pay through the nose to get it. How do you think I got rich? I build weapons. And now I have a weapon only I can defeat. And when I unleash it, I’ll get— Ah! ''[Mr. Incredible throws a log at Syndrome, but he dodges it hastily. He gets back up and freezes Mr. Incredible with a zero-point energy beam]'' ''[laughing]'' You sly dog! You got me monologuing! I can’t believe it. ''[He slams Bob into the ground.]'' It’s cool, huh? Zero-point energy. I saved the best powers for myself. ''[He continues throwing Bob around with the ZPE ray.]'' Am I good enough now? Who’s super now? I’m Syndrome! Your nemesis and- ''[He makes a grandiose gesture with his arms, inadvertently flinging Mr. Incredible into the jungle.]'' Oh, brilliant. ''[Bob lands somewhere on a lake. Syndrome spots him and flies towards him. Bob jumps down while Syndrome watches him falling into the bade of a waterfall. He taps a button in his wrist cuff, which activates a tiny bomb.]'' All right, try this one on for size, big boy. ''[He drops it to the base of the waterfall. Bob spots the bomb as he tries to swim away from it, although he is soon caught in the blast. He emerges out of the water, gasping, in a cave system. He turns his head, and leaps back, realizing he is face to face with a skeleton. Slowly, he moves back towards the skeleton, noticing that it has an eye visor and a cape. He rubs some dirt from the emblem over the eyes: the emblem reads &quot;GB&quot;.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Gazerbeam? ''[The skeleton is still sitting up, and Bob is compelled to follow its gaze to the adjacent cave wall. There — presumably in his dying moments, Gazerbeam had burned a word into the rock: &quot;KRONOS&quot;.]'' Kronos? ''[He suddenly hears a probe entering the cave. He hides behind Gazerbeam's skeleton. The probe scans the room, does a quick scan of Gazerbeam's skeleton and leaves. The view cuts to the probe returning to Syndrome's wrist cuff.]''
:'''Probe:''' Life reading negative. Mr. Incredible terminated. ''[Syndrome walks away in a satisfied smile for his plans.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut to Edna's palace; E and Helen are walking down the hallway to her lab]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' This project has completely confiscated my life, darling. Consumed me as only hero work can. My best work, I must admit. Simple, elegant, yet bold. You will die.
:'''Helen:''' E, I just...
:'''Edna Mode:''' I did Robert’s suit, and it turned out so beautiful, I had to continue.
:'''Helen:''' E, it’s great to see you, but I gotta tell you I have no idea what you’re talking about. I just...
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, words are useless. Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble! Too much of it, darling. TOO MUCH! That is why I '''''show you''''' my work. That is why you are here!
:''[She turns to the wall and rapidly executes an elaborate series of security measures; punches a fifteen-digit code with her left hand, while pressing her right hand against a biometric scanner. It flashes, as she exposes her eyes to a retinal scan which causes a microphone to extend from the wall to her lips]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Edna Mode. ''[In a flash: a ceiling panel opens, and out pops an enormous gun, which trains its sights on Helen. E sees this, turns back to the microphone, adding hastily]'' And guest. ''[The weapons retreat]''
:''[The gun retreats into the ceiling. The wall in front of them opens dramatically, revealing Edna's testing lab. A large, ultra-sophisticated work area, dedicated to the design, fabrication, and testing of superhero suits. E crosses to a large, raised platform mounted to a track running parallel to a glassed-in chamber, and sits in one of the two chairs facing it. Between the chairs is a small table with a fresh pot of coffee and assorted cookies. E motions Helen to join her]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Come. Sit. Cream and sugar?
:''[Hands Helen the cup of coffee]''
:'''Helen:''' Thanks.
:'''Edna Mode:''' I started with the baby.
:'''Helen:''' '''''Started?'''''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Shh! Darling! Shh! ''[Inside the chamber, a panel opens. A small, featureless baby mannequin in a tiny red suit (sporting the same &quot;i&quot; insignia as Bob's) mounted to a post emerges, tracking slowly from one end of the chamber to the other.]'' I cut it a little roomy for the free movement. The fabric is comfortable for sensitive skin ''[Helen jumps back as E continues talking. Flamethrowers throw fire at the suit without leaving burn marks]'' and can also withstand a temperature of over 1000 degrees. Completely bulletproof. ''[machine guns train on the suit and empty rounds into it without causing any damage]'' And machine washable, darling. That’s a new feature.
:'''Helen:''' What '''''on Earth''''' do you think the baby will be doing??
:'''Edna Mode:''' Well, I’m sure I '''''don’t know''''', darling. Luck favors the prepared. I didn’t know the baby’s powers, so I covered the basics.
:'''Helen:''' Jack-Jack doesn’t have any powers.
:'''Edna Mode:''' No? Well, he’ll look fabulous anyway.
:''[As the baby suit exits one end, the panel reopens on the other side. Another mannequin Dash's size swings into the smoky chamber; its arms and legs slowly churning in a &quot;running&quot; motion which gradually accelerates into a blur.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Your boy’s suit I designed to withstand enormous friction without heating up or wearing out. A useful feature. ''[The Dash suit departs into the wall as a new suit enters. It's Violet's.]'' Your daughter’s suit was tricky. But I finally created a sturdy material that will disappear completely as she does. ''[it briefly disappears and then reappears. Helen's suit moves into view. Robot arms enter from above and below, clamp to the sleeves of the arms and pants, and begin to pull them while twisting them]'' Your suit can stretch as far as you can, without injuring yourself, ''[the suit gets stretched]'' and still retain its shape. Virtually indestructible... ''[two missiles fire at the suit, but the suit sustains no damage]'' yet it breathes like Egyptian cotton. As an extra feature, each suit contains a homing device, giving you the precise global location of the wearer at the touch of a button. ''[hands Helen one, showing the tracking location of one of the suits, specifically Bob's]'' Well, darling? What do you think?
:'''Helen:''' What do I think? '''''Bob''''' is retired! '''''I’m''''' retired! Our family is underground. You helped my husband resume secret hero work behind my back?!
:'''Edna Mode:''' Well, I assumed you '''''knew''''', darling. Why would he keep secrets from '''''you'''''?
:'''Helen:''' He wouldn’t. Didn’t. Doesn’t.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Men at Robert’s age are often unstable. Prone to weakness.
:'''Helen:''' What are you saying?
:'''Edna Mode:''' Do you know where he is?
:'''Helen:''' Of....cours-
:'''Edna Mode:''' Do you '''''know'''''.... where he is?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Back in Nomanisan, Bob is hiding in brush at the top of a cliff. Along the waterline far below, a monopod streaks toward him along a track which curves around the coastline. Bob crouches... and dives — we fall with him, whistling through the air until we hit a palm tree. The palm bends, slowing Bob's drop before he expertly releases it and drops into another palm directly below it. Bob leaps onto the roof of the pod, quickly dispatching the guards inside, tossing them into the ocean. Bob seats himself at the controls, as the pod races toward Syndrome's base and a security checkpoint. Two guards look up as they hear the monopod approach. A sparking wheel carriage arrives at the gate, its cab completely torn off and missing. Suddenly alert, the guards cock their guns and aim into the dark. We hear a distant grunt. A moment later the cab falls from the sky, crashing on top of the guards. Bob runs through the wrecked gate, toward the base. Bob pulls up behind some trees. There are several guards; two at the vehicle entrance, another at the balcony above. Bob thinks a bit, looks down and finds a coconut. With expert precision, he throws it at the balcony guard, beaning him. He falls off the balcony and hits the ground.]''
:''[voice on radio]''
:'''Guard 1:''' Hey, hey. We got a man down!
:'''Guard 2:''' Come on, let’s go.
:'''Guard 2:''' Are you okay? What happened?
:''[over radio]'' Break surveillance and engage. Continuing sweep...
:''[The other guards rush to help him, leaving their post. Bob runs up to the vehicle entrance — it's locked tight. Bob sees shadows of guards approaching, he's out in the open and about to be caught when — the door suddenly sweeps up and opens, taking Bob with it. A medical transport comes out of the open bay, and as the door moves closed behind it, we see Bob drop into the garage. Elevator. Bob emerges in the dining hall and stares at the lava fall. He knows there is a secret passage behind it. He picks up a large stone sculpture in the shape of a Moai head and readies to run into the lava fall. One... two... thr— Bob is startled by a flash of light behind the fall; the passage is opening. He loses his balance, struggling to set the massive sculpture back into place before Mirage enters. Bob rushes into the closing passage. Jumps clear just as passage closes. A series of parallel floor lights click on. Bob follows them to an elaborate chair in the center of the room, lit from above. Bob sits down in the chair. A giant. curved screen lights up in front of him, with a blinking cursor in its center. Bob types in &quot;KRONOS&quot;. The computer screen refreshes: Bob is in.]''
:''[Switch back to Helen and E]''
:'''Woman:''' ''[over phone]'' Insuricare.
:'''Helen:''' Oh, hello. This is Helen Parr. Bob Parr is my husband. I was wondering if you could give me the number of the hotel he’s staying at. The number I have is, uh, no good.
:'''Woman:''' Mr. Parr no longer works at Insuricare.
:'''Helen:''' ''[confused]'' What do you mean? He’s on a business trip. A company retreat.
:'''Woman:''' My records say his employment was terminated almost two months ago.
:''[Switch back to Bob. After apparently searching one of the information sectors, he proceeds to go to the &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;Supers&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt; sector. He presses &quot;return&quot;, and it's a slideshow of the superheroes and the older Omnidroids.]''
:''[The sequence is as follows:]''
:''[Universal Man - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X1]''
:''[Psycwave - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X1]''
:''[Everseer - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X1]''
:''[Macroburst - Terminated Omnidroid v.X1]''
:''[Macroburst - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X2]''
:''[Phylangue - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X2]''
:''[Blazestone - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X2]''
:''[Switch back to Helen and E. Helen's call ends, as she worries for Bob.]''
:''[Switch back again to Bob in the Computer room. The sequence continues.]''
:''[Downburst - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X3]''
:''[Hyper Shock - Terminated Omnidroid v.X3]''
:''[Hyper Shock - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Apogee - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Unknown Super - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Blitzerman - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Tradewind - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Vectress - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Unknown Super - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Gazerbeam - Terminated Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Gazerbeam - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X5]''
:''[Stormicide - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X5]''
:''[Gamma Jack - Terminated Omnidroid v.X5]''
:''[Gamma Jack - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X6]''
:''[Unknown Super - Terminated Omnidroid v.X6]''
:''[Switch back to Helen and E.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' So, you don’t know where he is.
:''[She shows a tracking device to Helen.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Would you like to find out...?
:''[Switch back to Bob; the sequence has ended.]''
:''[He types &quot;Elastigirl&quot; into the search engine and the screen displays her location as &quot;UNKNOWN&quot;. He gives a relieved sigh. Helen reluctantly takes the homing locator from E and stares at it; not sure she wants to know what it may tell her. He then types &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;Frozone&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt; into the search engine and the screen displays his location as &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;KNOWN&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;. Shortly after, he types himself on the search engine. The screen displays him as &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;TERMINATED&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt; by the Omnidroid v.X9. Cut back to E and Helen. E gives the tracker device to Helen. Cut back to Mr. Incredible in the Computer Room. He is now looking at Syndrome's master plan, which seems to indicate unleashing the Omnidroid on Municiberg, and then Operation Kronos's sequence begins. It shows the Omnidroid v.10. Then, Mr. Incredible goes through the phases]''
:''[First Phase: Secure the Omnidroid into a Rocketship.]''
:''[Second Phase: Launch the Rocket towards Metroville.]''
:''[Third Phase: Destroy the city with the robot deployed.]''
:''[The countdown begins, showing 8 hours, 10 minutes and 39 seconds until the Omnidroid is launched. Mr. Incredible retreats. Cut Back to Helen. Helen presses the locator button on the homing tracker. On the viewscreen, the locator isolates a remote island. As the dot over the &quot;i&quot; on his chest-logo lights up. We hear a beeping noise. Mr. Incredible looks down in surprise. An alarm sounds as the room is awash in bright light. Unwittingly, Helen has exposed him. Mr. Incredible races for the exit but is hit by sticky, expanding and pressure absorbent orbs fired from guns lining the walls, which inflate, quickly making it impossible to run. Mr. Incredible falls to the floor, swallowed up by the expanding goo. From his POV: The expanding goo-balls fill up the POV but not before Bob makes out the recognizable figure approaching him: Mirage. Cut back to E and Helen in her kitchen. Coffee has been made and partially consumed. The morning paper, still rolled, rests on the table. Helen, eyes reddened from crying, blows her nose into a wadded length of toilet paper handed to her by a mildly disgusted E.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helen:''' Oh, I am such an idiot. I let this happen, you know. The new sports car, the getting in shape, the blond hair, the lies...
:'''Edna Mode:''' ''[coldly]'' Yes, he attempts to relive the past. ''[she uses the rolled-up newspaper to sweep Helen’s used tissues into a square hole in the island which incinerates them]''
:'''Helen:''' Now I'm losing him! ''[crying]'' What'll I do?
:'''Edna Mode:''' '''''What are you talking about?'''''
:'''Helen:''' ''[Stops sobbing; looks at E]'' Hmm?
:'''Edna Mode:''' You are Elastigirl! My God, '''''pull...yourself...together'''''! ''[whacks Helen with the rolled-up newspaper]'' What will you do? Is this a question?! You will show him you remember that '''''he''''' is Mr. Incredible, and you will '''''remind him''''' who '''''you are!''''' Well, you know where he is. Go, confront the problem, fight, '''WIN!''' ''[there's no pauses]'' And call me when you get back, darling, I enjoy our visits.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Helen is at home, talking with Violet while walking down the hallway to her bedroom]''
:'''Helen:''' There’s lots of leftovers that you can reheat. Make sure Dash does his homework. And both of you, get to bed '''''on time'''''. I should be back tonight. Late. You can be in charge that long, can’t you?
:'''Violet:''' Yeah. But why am I in charge again?
:'''Helen:''' Nothing. Just a little trouble with Daddy.
:'''Violet:''' You mean Dad’s '''''in trouble''''', or Dad '''''is the trouble'''''?
:'''Helen:''' I mean either he’s '''''in trouble''''', or he’s '''''going to be'''''.
:''[Helen goes into her room to pack. Then, she sees Dash. Not wanting him to see the super suits, she shuts the door, then Dash runs to the window and Helen closes the curtains, then he runs to the other window and then Helen closes the curtains.]''
:'''Dash:''' Hey! What’s that? Where’d you get that, Mom? You made a cool outfit? Hey, are those for us? We all get cool outfits? Ha-ha!
:'''Helen:''' Dash! You come back here this moment!
:''[phone rings]''
:'''Helen:''' Hey, Snug. Thanks for getting back. I know this is short notice, but I was hoping that I could get you to...
:'''Violet:''' What are these? ''[Holds up a red costume, similar to Bob's new super suit]''
:''[Helen takes the suit from Violet]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[Dressed in one of the suits and looking at himself in the mirror]'' Look, I’m The Dash! The Dash likes!
:'''Helen:''' Just a second. ''[to Dash]'' Take that off before somebody sees you.
:'''Violet:''' But you’re packing one just like it. Are you hiding something?
:'''Helen:''' Oh, please, honey. I’m on the phone...
:'''Dash:''' ''[snags one of the suits]'' Yikes!
:'''Helen:''' Dash!
:'''Dash:''' ''[Handing a suit to Violet]'' Yikes! This is yours. It’s specially made.
:'''Violet:''' What’s going on?
:'''Helen:''' ''[Shoving both kids out of the bedroom]'' '''You’re not coming! And I’ve gotta pack!'''
:'''Violet:''' So, what makes you think it’s special?
:'''Dash:''' I dunno. Why’d Mom try to '''''hide it'''''?
:''[Violet makes her arm vanish. She touches the suit and the suit vanishes. She gasps.]''
:'''Helen:''' Snug, I’m calling in a solid ya owe me.
:'''Snug''' ''[over phone]'': What do you need?
:'''Helen:''' A jet. What do ya got that’s fast? ''[looking at a picture of her and Snug]''
:'''Snug''' ''[over phone]'': Let me think...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The jet soars through the golden late-afternoon sky. Helen pilots the jet as she speaks into her headset.]''
:'''Helen:''' Island approach. India Golf Niner-Niner checking in. VFR on top. Over.
:''[No response. Helen checks the instruments, confirms her course. She tries again.]''
:'''Helen:''' Island tower, this is India Golf Niner-Niner requesting vectors to the initial. Over.
:''[radio static]''
:'''Helen''': Hmm.
:''[An old sensation begins to creep into Helen's thoughts: danger. She grabs her duffel bag and zips it open, exposing the supersuit E made for her. She stares at it.]''
:'''Helen:''' Easy, Helen. Easy. easy, girl. You're overreacting. Everything's fine. They're just — all getting coffee at...the same time. Yeah. ''[Helen mulls the explanation and decides it's ridiculous. She flips a switch — putting the jet on autopilot, grabs her suit and goes into the lavatory.]''
:''[The scene cuts to Bob being held in a containment unit by his limbs. Syndrome walks towards him.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' You, sir.... truly '''''are''''' Mr. Incredible. You know, I was right to idolize you. I... I-I always knew you were tough, but tricking the probe by hiding under the bones of another super? Oh, man! I’m still geekin' out about it! ''[sighs]'' And then you had to just.... '''''ruin the ride'''''. I mean, Mr. Incredible calling for help? ''[mocking]'' Help me, help me. Help! ''Lame...lame...lame,'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''LAME, LAME!! ALL RIGHT, WHO DID YOU CONTACT?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &quot;Contact&quot;? What are you talkin' about?
:''[Syndrome has a guard shock him]''
:'''Syndrome:''' I am referring to last night at 23:07 hours while you were '''''snooping around.''''' You sent out a homing signal.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I didn’t '''''know''''' about the '''''homing device'''''.
:''[The guard turns up the juice. Bob screams in agony.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' And now a government '''''plane''''' is requesting permission to land here. '''''Who did you contact?!'''''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I didn’t send for a....a plane.
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[to Mirage]'' Play the transmission! ''[Mirage hits the spacebar on the keyboard which activates the transmission]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[via transmission]'' India golf Niner-Niner checking in. VFR on top. Over.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Helen...!
:'''Syndrome:''' So you '''''do''''' know these people. Well, then, I’ll...send them a little greeting. ''[pushes a button deploying missiles]''
:''[Elastigirl emerges from the lavatory dressed in her super suit. She throws her duffel bag roughly at an apparently empty passenger seat]''
:'''Violet:''' Ow!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Violet!
:'''Violet:''' ''[as she materializes]'' It’s not my fault! Dash started it! He could have ran away, and I knew I’d get blamed for it--
:'''Dash:''' That’s not true!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Dash?!
:'''Violet and Dash:''' ...and I thought he'd try to sneak on the plane so I came here and you closed the doors before I could find him and then you took off '''''and it's not my fault!''''' You said, &quot;Something's up with Mom. We have to find out what!&quot; It was your idea! Your idea! Hundred percent all-yours, all-the-time idea!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Wait a minute, wait a minute. You left Jack-Jack '''''alone?!'''''
:'''Violet and Dash:''' Yes, mom, I’m completely stupid...of course we got a sitter! Do you think I’m totally irresponsible? Thanks a lot! / No, we got someone, Mom. Someone great. We wouldn’t do that.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' All right! Well, who’d ya get?
:''[cut to Casa de Parr, where Kari is on the phone and Jack-Jack is in his hi-chair]''
:'''Kari:''' You don’t have to worry about one single thing, Mrs. Parr. I’ve got this baby-sitting thing wired. I’ve taken courses and learned CPR and I got excellent marks and certificates...
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Kari.
:'''Kari:''' I also brought Mozart to play while he sleeps to make him smarter because leading experts say Mozart makes babies smarter.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''Kari...'''''
:'''Kari:''' And the beauty part is that the babies don’t even have to listen ‘cause they’re asleep! You know, I wish my parents played Mozart when I slept because half the time, I don’t even know what the heck anyone’s talking about.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Kari, I really don’t feel comfortable with this. I’ll pay you for your trouble, but I’d really rather call a service.
:'''Kari:''' Oh, there’s really no need, Mrs. Parr. I can totally handle anything this baby can dish out. ''[cooing]'' Can’t I, little baby? I can handle it. Who can handle it?
:''[Helen looks at the plane radar and sees several missiles headed towards the plane.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' India Golf Niner-Niner transmitting in the blind guard. Disengage! Repeat, disengage!
:''[The &quot;fasten seat belts&quot; sign above Dash and Violet lights up. They exchange glances, reach for their seat belts. The jet suddenly dives, throwing them into the ceiling.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Disengage! Repeat, disengage! Friendlies...
:''[cut back to the containment unit]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No! Call off the missiles. I'll do anything.
:'''Syndrome:''' Too late. ''[he shrugs]'' ''Fifteen years too late.''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Friendlies at two-zero miles south-southwest of your position. Angels 10. Track east. Disengage, over! ''[to Violet]'' '''Vi!''' You have to put a force field around the plane!
:'''Violet:''' But you said we weren't supposed to use our powers!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''I know what I said! Listen to what I'm saying now!''''' ''[on headset]'' Disengage. Repeat, disengage!
:''[Dash looks outside to see the missiles.]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[fearfully]'' Mom?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''Violet!''''' ''[Violet gets startled; via headset]'' Mayday, mayday! India Golf Niner-Niner is buddy-spiked! Abort, abort! There are children aboard, ''[heard through intercom]'' Say again, there are children aboard the plane.
:''[cut back to containment unit]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Put a field around us &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''NOW!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Violet:''' I've never done one that big!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Violet, '''do it now!''' Abort, abort, abort! ''[via headset]'' Abort, abort, abort! ''[Violet weakly tries to create a force field in a short period of time]'' Abort, abort, abort! ''[She tries again unsuccessfully, then Helen rushes to protect her children from the explosion]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Abort, abort, abort!
:''[The plane explodes, and Helen wraps around Violet and Dash. The three begin falling towards the ocean. Helen’s unconscious while Dash and Violet are screaming. Helen then wakes up to see her kids falling next to her. She grabs them and makes a parachute.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Brace yourselves!
:''[They land safely in the water. Helen emerges to see the two kids treading water.]''
:'''Violet and Dash:''' Mom! Mom!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Everybody calm down. Now, I’ll tell you what we’re not gonna do. We’re not gonna panic, we’re not gonna--'''LOOK OUT!!!'''
:''[A turbine hits about 10 meters away from where the three are. Helen pushes Dash and Violet underwater. Dash and Violet swim back to the surface and Helen watches the missile hit the bottom and explode before swimming back up.]''
:'''Dash and Violet:''' Oh, my goodness! Whose idea was this anyway?!/What are we gonna do?! What are we gonna do?!
:'''Dash:''' We’re dead! We’re dead!
:'''Violet:''' It blew up!
:'''Dash:''' We survived but we’re dead!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[splashes Violet and Dash with ocean water]'' HEY, STOP IT! &lt;big&gt;'''''We are NOT gonna die! Now BOTH of you will GET A GRIP. Or SO help me I will GROUND you for a month! UNDERSTAND!?'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Back to the interrogation room.]''
:'''Mirage:''' We have a confirmed hit. Target...was destroyed.
:'''Syndrome:''' Ah, you’ll get over it. I seem to recall you preferred to...'''''work...alone...?'''''
:''[Syndrome laughs evilly as he walks away. But unbeknownst to him, Bob grows absolutely livid.]''
:''[Mirage gasps, and with quick thinking she pushes Syndrome out of the way as Bob suddenly grabs her. Syndrome quickly stands up.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;'''RELEASE ME.'''&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''NOW!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Syndrome:''' ''Or'' '''''what'''?''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’ll '''crush''' her.
:'''Syndrome:''' Ooh, that sounds a little dark for you. Nah, go ahead.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[as Mirage gasps and he presses her harder]'' ''It’ll be easy''...'''''like breaking a toothpick!'''''
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[chuckles]'' '''Show me.'''
:''[As Syndrome amusedly waits, Bob slowly loses his will. Then, he sighs...]''
:''[...and releases Mirage, as she falls to the floor and looks shocked to Syndrome.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' I knew you couldn’t do it, even when you have nothing to lose. You’re ''weak!''
:''[He and Mirage sullenly head out.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' And I’ve outgrown you.
:''[As Mirage looks to Bob one more time with a worried expression, she leaves with Syndrome as Bob starts crying, thinking that he lost his family.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Those were short-range missiles. Land-based. That way is our best bet.
:'''Dash''': You wanna go '''''toward''''' the people that tried to kill us?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' If it means land, yes.
:'''Violet:''' Do you expect us to swim there?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl)''': I expect you to trust me.
:''[Dash is hastily pushing Helen morphed into a boat, as Violet sits on her.]''
:''[The three make it to shore. It is now night]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' What a trooper. I’m so proud of you.
:'''Dash:''' Thanks, mom.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut to &quot;cave&quot;]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I think... your father is in trouble.
:'''Violet:''' If you haven’t noticed, Mom, we’re not doin' so hot either.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I’m going to look for him. And that means you’re in charge until I get back, Violet.
:'''Dash:''' What?!
:'''Violet:''' '''''You heard her.'''''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Put these on. ''[Gives them masks]'' Your identity is your most valuable possession. Protect it. And if anything goes wrong, use your powers.
:'''Violet:''' But you said never to use...
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I KNOW WHAT I SAID! ''[calms down and sighs]'' Remember the bad guys on those shows you used to watch on Saturday mornings? Well, these guys are not like those guys. They won’t exercise restraint because you’re children. They will kill you if they get the chance. Do not give them that chance.
:'''Violet:''' Mom?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Vi, I’m counting on you.
:'''Violet:''' There’s something I...
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I’m counting on you. Be strong. Dash, if anything goes wrong, I want you to run as fast as you can.
:'''Dash:''' As fast as I can?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' As fast as you can. Stay hidden. Keep each other safe. I’ll be back by morning.
:'''Violet:''' Mom! Mom, what happened on the plane. I’m sorry. ''[stammering]'' I wanted to help. I mean, when you asked me to... I’m sorry.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Shh. It isn’t your fault. It wasn’t fair for me to suddenly ask so much of you. But things are different now. And doubt is a luxury we can’t afford anymore, sweetie. You have more power than you realize. Don’t think. And don’t worry. If the time comes, you’ll know what to do. It’s in your blood.
:''[Helen gives Violet a firm nod and disappears into the night. Violet looks down at the mask in her hands and then puts it on.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lost in thought, Syndrome stares down at the massive rocket in the center of the volcano, poised to launch.]''
:'''Mirage:''' He’s not weak, you know.
:'''Syndrome:''' What?
:'''Mirage:''' Valuing life is not weakness.
:''[Syndrome crosses to her, casually dismissive.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Oh, hey. Look, look... if you’re talking about what happened in the containment unit, I had everything under control.
:'''Mirage:''' And disregarding it is ''not'' strength.
:''[Syndrome sidles up behind her, lifts her chin with a gentle hand and draws her face toward his]''
:'''Syndrome:''' I called his bluff, sweetheart, that’s all. I knew he wouldn’t have it in him to actually...
:''[Mirage shoves his hand aside and rises to confront him.]''
:'''Mirage:''' Next time you gamble, ''bet your own life''!
:''[She exits, leaving Syndrome befuddled and alone.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Helen enters a clearing and looks up. A monorail track soars high above the jungle floor. A monopod is coming. Helen throws her hands high, stretching them up to the pod passing overhead. It yanks her offscreen. Moving through the trees — Helen hangs suspended beneath the pod on long arms, alternating hands to swing around the support columns. Gaining momentum with each swing, she throws her body above the roof of the pod, landing expertly on top.]''
:ON TOP OF THE POD
:''[Helen squints into the rushing wind, sees the track slicing through the dense jungle canopy and leading directly into the base of the towering volcano. A familiar hum causes her to hide, and she slips down one side of the pod, out of view, as two Hoverjets buzz by. Helen watches the jets descend to a landing strip inside the Volcano just as the pod plunges into a tunnel and—]''
:INSIDE THE TUNNEL - MOVING WITH HELEN ON THE POD
:''[Darkness. Suddenly an opening in the tunnel rushes by, and Helen catches a glimpse of the rocket... and whoosh — the pod is back in the tunnel. Helen stretches her torso out like a sail. It catches wind and she releases from the pod, reforms and drops to the tracks with catlike grace.]''
:INSIDE THE BASE - TUNNEL ENTRANCE
:''[Helen peeks out of the tunnel, looks out at the heavily guarded launch pad.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' A rocket?
:''[Two armed guards march past. Unseen above them, Helen is stretched thin and hiding between a cluster of pipes which run down the center of the corridor. She watches as the guards exit through a sliding door. She drops like a liquid cat to the floor and begins to move down the corridor. As Helen passes a metal door, she catches sight of her reflection in its shiny surface. She stops, and frowns. It's been a while since her last supersuit; her butt is a bit bigger than she remembered. She wonders if she should lose a few — when the whoosh of a door surprises her. A guard comes through the door at the far end of the hall. As he enters another junction, we see that Helen has contorted herself, arching perfectly around the door frame. The guard doesn't see her. He slides a card key through a reader to enter a restricted corridor. The doors whoosh open. Directly behind him, Helen silently re-forms and begins to back through the doorway when the doors behind her slide shut — trapping her leg. She winces, tries in vain to pull it free. It's stuck. Leaving one hope — the card key on Guard #1's belt. Stretching across the corridor, Helen clambers after the guard on the palms of her hands, following him into the—]''
:INNER CHAMBER
:''[The guard stops at the elevator and presses the call button, his back to Helen. Just behind him, stretched far and held upright on one hand, Helen reaches with the other for the card key. She almost has it—]''
:AT THE CORRIDOR
:''[The door suddenly closes on her stretched torso. Her upper third snaps back, her middle third trapped and now stretched across—]''
:HALLWAY - CENTRAL CORE
:''[Two more guards (#2 &amp; #3) are traveling in a transport. They are suddenly clotheslined by Helen's stretched torso.]''
:INNER CHAMBER
:''[—knocking the wind out of Helen. Directly in front of her at the far end of the hall, the elevator opens for guard #1; revealing Guard #4 inside. He sees Helen.''
:'''Guard:''' Hey!
:''[Helen's arm stretches forward—]''
:INNER CHAMBER - INSIDE ELEVATOR
:''[In a blink: her fist clocks guard #4, disarms guard #1 hitting him with the butt of his gun. As guard #4 drops to the floor, #1 hits the &quot;close&quot; button on the panel. The doors close on Helen's arm. Guard #1 grins. Helen's hand feels around, finds guard #1, his chest, chin, face and — coldcocks him. He drops.]''
:RESUME MIDDLE CORRIDOR
:''[The torso guards (#2 &amp; #3) get to their feet, and see Helen, her arm still stretched, through the glass door. They level their guns at her. At the same moment—]''
:BLUE CORRIDOR
:''[Another guard (#5) comes upon Helen's leg in the closed doors. The sight is so odd, he can only stare. He decides to poke the leg with the barrel of his machine gun as she reacts to the poke. She scowls.]''
:RESUME BLUE CORRIDOR
:''[her leg cocks back and fishtail-kicks guard #5. He flies backwards, his weapon discharging into the card scanner. The door opens — freeing Helen's legs, which sail across the corridor and — smash the torso guards (#2 &amp; #3) against the middle door. They slide down into a heap — out cold.]''
:INSIDE ELEVATOR
:''[Helen's arm finds one of the guards' card key, slides it into the door scanner. The doors open, releasing her torso.]''
:ACCESS CORRIDOR
:''[Helen drags the last of the unconscious guards over to an open wall panel and stuffs him inside with the others. She throws her weight against the panel, finally getting it shut.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dash watches as Violet practices intently. She releases the force field sphere; the dark smoke ball rises upwards. Vi throws another force field, recapturing the smoke at the roof of the cave. Dash gets to his feet, grabs a burning branch from the fire to use as a torch.]''
:'''Dash:''' Well, not that this isn’t fun, but I’m gonna go look around.
:'''Violet:''' What do you think is going on here? You think we’re on vacation or something? Mom and Dad’s lives could be in jeopardy. Or worse, ''[whispering]'' their marriage.
:'''Dash:''' Their marriage? So, the bad guys are trying to wreck Mom and Dad’s marriage.
:'''Violet:''' Oh, forget it. You’re so immature.
:'''Dash:''' Okay, I’m gonna go look around.
:'''Violet:''' Mom said to stay hidden.
:'''Dash:''' I’m not gonna leave the cave. Sheesh!
:''[Ground control technicians watch from the observation window as a giant metal sphere, a massive version of the dreaded Omnidroid — is carefully guided into place inside the top stage of the rocket. The rocket's nose cone is lowered over the Omnidroid and secured into place. The cylindrical blast shield closes around the rocket.]''
:''[voices over radio]''
:''[Lighting his way with a burning branch, Dash explores the depths of the &quot;cave&quot;. Suddenly the floor becomes smooth. Dash looks down, then holds his torch up. He's inside an enormous man-made tunnel]''
:'''Dash:''' Cool... ''[His voice echoes a bit. Dash brightens. He calls again, louder this time.]''
:'''Dash:''' '''COOL!''' ''[His voice echoes again]'' Cool! Cool! Cool!
:''[Syndrome shoves a Pass Key into the control board, gives the key a twist, then presses the &quot;launch&quot; button.]''
:''[over radio]'' Roger. We are ready for launch.
:''[The rocket's engines fire. The sound is deafening as the rocket's massive weight slowly lifts into the air. A low rumble and a subtle push of warm wind emanate from the depths of the tunnel, which begins to glow. Dash's smile drops as he realizes it's an enormous fireball rocketing towards him. He turns and runs.]''
:''[Violet is still practicing force fields when the depths of the tunnel begin to rumble and glow. She looks up.]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[off-screen]'' Vi!!! Vi Vi Vi Vi Vi!!!
:'''Violet:''' '''''What did you do'''?''
:''[It is revealed that the &quot;cave&quot; is actually the exhaust outlet for the volcano. Dash and Violet race out of the &quot;cave&quot;, getting clear just as an enormous wall of flames erupts after them. They look down with a shudder at how close they came. A roar behind them causes them to turn — a rocket emerges from the center of the volcano, and soars into the night sky. It contains the Omnidroid Syndrome plans to unleash on Municiberg]''
:CONTROL ROOM - DETENTION BLOCK
:''[Helen looks down from some vents in the ceiling. Silently she stretches her neck until her head dangles down behind the guards.]''
:''[Her POV: Helen scans the detention grid and notices a tremendous spike of power to restrain the prisoner in cell 13, Block A1.]''
:''[over radio]'': ETA two-niner. Over. TCI clear. Condition yellow. Status norm.
:''[over radio]'': Not responding to IFF. IRCM reads negative.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[gasps]'' Bob.
:''[Helen quickly pulls her head back up through the vent in the ceiling and exits.]''
:'''Guard #1:''' Huh? What?
:'''Guard #2:''' Uh, I didn’t say anything.
:''[The final stage of the Omnidroid's capsule separates. The Omni ship begins to descend below the cloud layer, toward the city.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[It is the following morning. Dash awakens, discovering to his horror that he's curled up with Violet. Repulsed, he jumps up and shudders. The Mecha-macaw (a similar one like the one that observed Mr. Incredible fight the first Omnidroid) spots Dash and Violet]''
:'''Mecha-macaw:''' Identification, please.
:'''Dash:''' Hey! Hey, Violet! Come here, look.
:'''Violet:''' What?
:'''Dash:''' It talks!
:'''Violet:''' What?
:'''Dash:''' ''[pointing to the mecha-macaw]'' There. That one.
:'''Mecha-macaw:''' Voice key incorrect.
:'''Violet:''' Voice key?
:'''Mecha-macaw:''' Voice key incorrect.
:'''Violet:''' ''[realizing that something is wrong]'' Wait a second...
:''[The bird's head slowly swivels toward the kids with a soft computing sound. Its eyes light up red as its beak drops open, and it lets out a shrill electronic alarm. Violet backs away from the shrieking bird, Dash following after her, panicking.]''
:'''Dash:''' What do we do?
:'''Violet:''' Run!
:'''Dash:''' Where are we going?
:'''Violet:''' Away from here!
:''[Alarms sound. A section of the island grid lights up, locating the kids. A guard hits the &quot;Scramble&quot; button.]''
:''[Helen hears the alarm, watches as the guards scramble. Guards on Velocipods zoom out into jungle.]''
:'''P.A.:''' Intruder alert. Intruder alert. Intruder alert.
:''[Bob hangs, defeated, in the suspension beams. The cell door slides open. A figure is silhouetted there — Mirage. She switches off the suspension ray. Bob drops to the floor. Bob just sits there on his knees, his eyes cast downward. Mirage crosses to him, kneels down—]''
:'''Mirage:''' There isn’t much time.
:''[Bob's hand flashes out and clamps around her throat. He rises, holding her dangling body aloft with one hand.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No, there isn’t. In fact... there’s no time at all.
:'''Mirage:''' ''[choking]'' Please...
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Why are you here? How can you possibly bring me lower? '''What more can you take away from me'''?
:'''Mirage:''' ''[choking]'' The family...survived...the...crash! They’re here...on the island!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' They’re alive?
:''[Bob releases his grip, Mirage drops to the floor, gasping raggedly. Bob lifts her up and embraces her. Mirage drinks it in, then reacts at the sight of a figure in the doorway. Bob looks up]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Helen...
:''[Mirage and Bob push apart, Mirage composing herself.]''
:'''Mirage:''' Oh, hello...You must be Mrs. Incre— ''[She gets knocked out cold before she could finish, much to Mr. Incredible's shock.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' She was helping me to escape!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' No! That’s what '''''I''''' was doing.
:''[Mr. Incredible grabs Elastigirl's arm.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Let go of me! Let go, you lousy, lying, unfaithful creep!
:''[They kiss.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' How could I betray the perfect woman?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Oh, you’re referring to ''me'' now?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Where are the kids?
:'''Mirage:''' They might’ve triggered the alert.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' What?!
:'''Mirage:''' Security’s been sent into the jungle. You better get going.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Now our '''''kids''''' are in danger?!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' If you suspected danger, why’d you bring them?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I didn’t bring ‘em, they stowed away. And I don’t think you’re striking the proper tone here.
:'''Guard:''' Think they’re supers?
:''[Running blindly. The kids are suddenly confronted by guards on three manned Velocipods. Glancing at the guards, Violet speaks quietly to Dash.]''
:'''Violet:''' Dash, remember what Mom said.
:'''Dash:''' What?
:'''Guard #2:''' Hey! Stop talking!
:''[Abruptly, Vi vanishes. Dash looks around in surprise.]''
:'''Guard #3:''' Hold it! Freeze!
:'''Violet:''' ''[off-screen]'' Dash, run!
:'''Dash:''' What?
:'''Violet:''' Run!
:''[Suddenly understanding — Dash bolts, jumping from the transport and vanishing into the jungle.]''
:'''Dash:''' Oh, yeah! ''[he runs away]''
:''[It happens fast: The guard's head snaps toward the sound of Vi's voice. He swings his rifle— we hear a heavy thud as Violet's (invisible) body is knocked from the transport: a cloud of dust surrounds an impression in the dirt.]''
:'''Guard:''' What the—?! They’re supers!
:''[Violet disappears]''
:'''Guard #2''': Get the boy! ''[guards take off after Dash on Velocipods]'' Show yourself!
:''[Dash blasts through the foliage on foot, unbelievably fast, a manned Velocipod hot on his tail. But the terrain is dense, uneven and difficult, and Dash is forced to adhere to the thin trail winding through the growth. A swarm of flies fusses in the air. Suddenly Dash bursts into view; rocketing right through the swarm! Bugs splatter Dash's face like an interstate windshield]''
:'''Dash:''' AGGCCHH!!!
:''[Dash stumbles, careens end over end through the undergrowth like an [[w:Indianapolis 500|Indy 500]] car crash, and finally tumbles to a stop. Unharmed, but thoroughly repulsed, Dash wipes his bug-spattered face and teeth.]''
:'''Dash''': Achpppt!! PtTHWAAAGH! PTHPT!
:''[A Velocipod bursts out of the brush after him and he takes off, tearing through the jungle. Running fast, Dash grabs a long vine — which sends him out in a wide arc that surprises the trailing guard. He shoots past Dash and roars off into the undergrowth. Dash releases the vine, tumbling roughly to his feet, and runs. A Velocipod bursts out of the brush and is on top of him. Impossibly, Dash accelerates, staying just ahead of it. He sees another vine, grabs it and is propelled upwards. Dash explodes out of the canopy, flailing, out of control. He looks down and sees — the treetops suddenly drop away. Dash is falling off a cliff, screaming his ten-year-old lungs out as he lands on a Velocipod! Fleetingly astonished by his good luck, Dash looks up as the startled guard whirls around to face him. The guard swings. Dash ducks and reluctantly throws a punch at the guard's face. It lands! Thrilled that his raw speed renders the guard powerless to dodge or return his punches, Dash laughs and, growing more confident with each punch, socks the guard again and again, blissfully unaware that no one is driving. Dash looks up. His jaw drops: a rock wall looms ahead! Dash points at it. The guard sees an opening and socks Dash in the face, knocking him off just as — the Velocipod slams into the cliff face, vaporizing in a fireball, killing the guard]''
:'''Guard:''' Hey!
:'''Dash:''' Ha, ha! I’m alive. Yeah!
:''[Dash whooping]''
:''[Dash falls: making desperate, flailing grabs as he hits limb after limb of an enormous tree, finally getting hold of a branch and arresting his descent. He pants, heart racing, and looks down to see — his feet dangling about a yard off the jungle floor. Elated about his survival, Dash drops to the ground and lets out a loud whoop, immediately alerting two guards on Velocipods nearby to his presence. They turn their V-pods after him. With Dash as he bolts again, accelerating to breakneck speed. He smashes through an endless succession of foliage — nearly colliding with tree trunks and rocks and suddenly — a lagoon lies in front of him. Dash reacts: the V-pods are on his tail, he has nowhere to go, so he takes a deep breath and steps on it — and has enough velocity to run across the water! Amazed and exhilarated, Dash blasts across the water's surface, weaving like a speedboat around the large volcanic rocks jutting out of the water. Velocipods open fire... strafing the water as Dash is pursued into a cave. Velocipod #2 pulls up short at the cave entrance and chooses to go around.]''
:'''Dash:''' Uh-oh.
:''[Velocipod #2 is coming straight at him! Dash wheels around, his legs churning the water like an egg beater. He sees V-pod #1 closing fast. He has nowhere to go and, like a deer in headlights, Dash stops — suddenly dropping beneath the water's surface as the Velocipods collide — BOOM!]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I should’ve told you I was fired, I admit it. But I didn’t want you to worry.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' You didn’t want me to worry? And now we’re running for our lives through some godforsaken jungle.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You keep trying to pick a fight, but I’m still just happy you’re alive.
:''[The remaining guard waits, his machine gun at the ready. Suddenly the dirt moves. The guard fires, strafing the ground just behind a succession of footprints that streak toward the river moments before a splash appears. We see a Violet-shaped distortion as bullet trails furiously slice the surrounding water. Still firing. He stops, unnerved and adrenalized. Tensed and ready, he nervously scans the river.]''
:'''Guard:''' I know you’re there, Little Miss Disappear. You can’t hide from me.
:''[Training his gun where he last saw Violet, the guard grabs a handful of dirt from the riverbank and throws it into the water. He shoulders his rifle watching the dirt turn into a brown cloud as it travels downstream ...making visible a Violet-shaped pocket]''
:'''Guard:''' ''[Aiming gun]'' There you are.
:''[The guard takes aim and Dash blurs past]''
:'''Dash:''' HEY! ''[knocking the guard's gun barrel skyward as it fires. The guard swings around — strafing the ground at Dash's heels as he plunges back into the jungle. A splash explodes from the river as invisible Violet makes a break for it. The guard sees this and swings the gun toward her as — Dash blasts out of the jungle and knocks the Guard's legs out from under him. They tumble and scrap, Dash redeeming his lack of size with lightning-fast punches and faints.]'' Don't touch my sister!
:''[Disoriented, the guard swings and connects — knocking Dash off his feet. He tumbles backward, dazed. The guard shoulders his rifle, leveling it at Dash. Dash looks up; sees he's screwed. The guard grins wickedly and pulls the trigger — Violet suddenly appears in mid-air, diving in front of Dash as she throws a force field around them! A hail of bullets ricochet off the force field.]''
:'''Dash:''' '''''How are you doing that?'''''
:'''Violet:''' I don’t know!
:'''Dash:''' Whatever you do, don’t stop!
:''[as Dash starts to walk within the force field like a gerbil on a wheel. Violet spins ever faster in the sphere's hub as Dash accelerates into a run. The guards empty their clips at the rolling sphere with no effect. It rumbles past them and straight into the jungle.]''
:''[Moving with the rolling force field as it carries Dash and Vi down a steep hillside into the path of two speeding Velocipods who fire at the sphere. It's clipped by one Velocipod-- which then spirals into a rock and explodes.]''
:''[Bob and Helen hear the explosions echo, and stop, worried. That's when they hear the rumble. Before they can get clear, the rolling force field bursts out of the brush]''
:'''Violet:''' Mom! Dad! Hey!
:''[the force field vanishes and the entire family tumbles to the jungle floor.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Kids! You’re all right.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Oh, you’re all right!
:'''Violet:''' We were so worried about you!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I thought I’d never see you again.
:''[There is a frantic, joyful exchange of hugs and kisses, unfortunately cut short when — Velocipods explode out of the foliage! The Incredibles instantly jump to their feet: Helen throws a stretched scissor kick which catches a guard in the chest, knocking him out of his V-pod. Bob chops a second passing Velocipod — it plows straight into the soft jungle floor. Before its pilot can react — Helen's arm is coiled around him. She yanks him from the vehicle, whiplashing him into another guard, knocking them both out cold. Bob grabs the crashed V-pod and Frisbees it into a V-pod from the trees - boom! And it's over. Bob and Helen had forgotten how good they were. They exchange lustful glances.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible) &amp; Helen (Elastigirl):''' Aww, I love you.
:'''Dash:''' Wow.
:'''Violet:''' Whoa.
:''[Suddenly the jungle is filled with guards and V-pods. And just as quickly the Incredibles turn as one against them, a hurricane blur of superpowers, suddenly brought to a crashing halt — as ZPE rays strike the Incredibles, suspending them all, motionless, in mid-air, in a clearing.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! HEY, TIME OUT!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[Syndrome keeps his wrists crossed; one beam trained on Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl; the other on Dash and Violet.]'' What have we here? Matching uniforms? ''[glances between the four faces. His eyes narrow as he zeroes in on Helen. An astonished smile splits his face.]'' Oh, no... Elastigirl!? ''[laughing, turns to Bob]'' You married Elastigirl? Whoa... and got... ''[he stops, sees the kids]'' And got '''biz-zay'''! It's a whole family of Supers! Looks like I've hit the jackpot! Oh, this is just too good!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Back in Syndrome's lair, on a giant screen, network news footage of a crowd gathered around a smoldering hulk resting at the base of a large building. The TV channel changes. Another reporter is covering the same story. Camera widens: Syndrome is delightedly channel surfing with a remote control of his own invention.]''
:'''News reporter on TV:''' The ship’s unique design suggests...
:'''News reporter on TV:''' There were no fatalities...
:''[The Incredibles are now side by side in the containment unit]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Huh? Huh!? Oh, come on! You gotta admit, this is cool! Just like a movie! The robot will emerge dramatically, do some damage. Throngs of screaming people! And just when all hope is lost, Syndrome will save the day! I’ll be a bigger hero than you ever were!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You mean, you killed off real heroes so that you could....&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''PRETEND TO BE ONE?'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Syndrome:''' Oh, I’m real. Real enough to defeat you! And I did it without your precious gifts, your oh-so-special powers. I’ll give them heroics. I’ll give them the most spectacular heroics anyone’s ever seen! And when I’m old and I’ve had my fun, I’ll sell my inventions so that everyone can be superheroes. Everyone can be super! And when everyone’s super... no one will be. ''[evil laughter, leaves room]''
:''[Back in Municiberg, the military are fighting a losing battle with the Omnidroid. Soldiers shouting]''
:'''Soldier:''' Fire at will!
:''[The Omnidroid starts destroying the military troops with ease.]''
:'''Reporter:''' It’s completely overwhelming the tanks.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’m sorry. This is my fault. I’ve been a lousy father. Blind to what I have. So obsessed with being undervalued that I undervalued all of you.
:'''Dash:''' Um...dad?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Shh. Don’t interrupt.
:''[Violet uses her force field to nullify the zero-point energy's effects and float out of the suspension system. She walks towards the keyboard.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' So caught up in the past that I.....You are my greatest adventure. And I almost missed it. I swear, I’m gonna get us out of this safely if I...
:'''Violet:''' Well, I think Dad has made some excellent progress today, but I think it’s time we wind down now.
:''[She hits the control panel, releasing the family]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' We need to get back to the mainland.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I saw an aircraft hangar on my way in. Straight ahead, I think.
:''[Bob's hands pry open the heavy metal doors, crunching them like foil. The Incredibles enter the huge hangar]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Where are all the guards?
:''[The guards are all holed up in a command vehicle, watching the Omnidroid reports on TV.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[signaling the others to move inside the command vehicle]'' Go, go!
:''[The guards watch live coverage of the Omnidroid attack on a video monitor. Champagne is popped: the cork is unexpectedly caught by someone standing in the doorway — Mr. Incredible]''
:'''Guard:''' Hey, look. Hey! Every time they run, you take a shot.
:'''Guard 2:''' Yeah, okay.
:''[The vehicle rocks as Bob quickly takes out the guards within. In moments Bob emerges, whistles to his family that the coast is clear.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' This is the right hangar, but I don’t see any jets.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' A jet’s not fast enough.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' What’s faster than a jet?
:'''Dash:''' Hey, how about a rocket?
:''[The other Incredibles follow Dash's finger to an enormous shield-shaped rocket, identical to the one launched earlier — save for a perfect circular hole in the center.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Great! I can’t fly a rocket.
:'''Violet:''' You don’t have to. Use the coordinates from the last launch.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Ah, wait. I bet Syndrome’s changed the password by now. How do I get into the computer?
:''[A voice comes over the loudspeaker.]''
:'''Mirage:''' Say please.
:''[The Incredibles turn and look up. Mirage stands in the monitoring station above the launchpad, smiling.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The stereo plays soft jazz as Lucius (aka Frozone) dresses for dinner. He slaps some aftershave on his face, checking his look in the mirror. A low series of booms grows louder, causing him to look up to see the Omnidroid outside his apartment wreaking havoc on Municiberg; a military chopper strafing it with machine-gun fire. He immediately goes through his dresser drawers.]''
:'''Lucius:''' '''Honey?!'''
:'''Honey Best''': ''[off-screen]'' What?
:'''Lucius:''' Where’s my supersuit?
:'''Honey Best:''' What?
:'''Lucius:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''WHERE… IS MY SUPER SUIT?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The military chopper, now on fire, spirals past the picture window and explodes, lighting up the room.]''
:'''Honey Best''': I, uh… put it away!
:'''Lucius:''' Where?!
:'''Honey Best:''' Why do you need to know?!
:'''Lucius:''' &lt;big&gt;'''''I NEED IT!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Lucius is running now, down the hallway, going in and out of view, frantically searching rooms and closets.]''
:'''Honey Best:''' Uh-uh! Don’t you think about runnin' off doin' no derrin’-do! We’ve been plannin' this dinner for two months!
:'''Lucius:''' The public is in danger!
:'''Honey Best:''' My evening’s in danger!
:'''Lucius:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''YOU TELL ME WHERE MY SUIT IS, WOMAN! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE GREATER GOOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Honey Best:''' Greater good?! I am your ''wife''! I’m the greatest ''good'' you are ''ever'' gonna get!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut back to the Omnidroid destroying the city. The driver of a gasoline tanker truck screeches to a halt, his eyes bugging out at the rampaging Omnidroid]''
:'''Man:''' RUN!
:''[He jumps from the truck just as the Omnidroid seizes the tanker in a giant claw and flings it down the street. A young mother sees it arcing toward her baby carriage.]''
:'''Woman:''' MY BABY!
:''[Syndrome holds the tanker in place just above the carriage and woman. The crowd is immediately electrified by the sight of the red-haired Superhero.]''
:'''Man:''' The Supers have returned!
:'''Woman:''' Is that Fironic?
:'''Man:''' Fironic?
:'''Woman:''' No, Fironic has a different outfit!
:'''Syndrome:''' No, no, I’m a new superhero! I’m SYNDROME!
:''[Syndrome carelessly flings the tanker truck behind him with a flourish. It explodes, frightening the crowd. The Omnidroid moves towards him.]'' All right, stand back. ''[The Omnidroid reaches a massive claw toward Syndrome, who presses a series of buttons on his power cuff. The robot freezes suddenly, idling. Syndrome smiles, pressing another series of buttons on his remote.]'' Someone needs to teach this hunk of metal a few manners. ''[Putting on a good show, Syndrome flies around the idling bot, and delivers a punch to one of its leg sockets.]''
:'''OMNIDROID'S P.O.V.''': Technical readouts spray across its viewscreen as it confirms Syndrome's instructions: RESTRAIN BATTLE MODE. DETACH ARM AT SIGNAL.
:'''Syndrome:''' Ha, ha!
:''[On cue, one of the Omnidroid's limbs suddenly falls out of its socket, thudding uselessly to the ground. As Syndrome revels in the cheers of the crowd, we push in on the Omnidroid. It's watching Syndrome. And thinking — OMNIDROID'S P.O.V.: Technical readouts spray across its viewscreen as it analyzes: CONTROL STOLEN BY EXTERNAL SIGNAL.]''
;LOCATE SOURCE: EXTERNAL SIGNAL
:Columns of numbers are crunched. The Omnidroid's lens-eye zooms in on the control bands around Syndrome's wrist — SIGNAL SOURCE: REMOTE CONTROL — and comes to a logical conclusion: OVERRIDE EXTERNAL CONTROL
:DESTROY REMOTE CONTROL
:''[The Omnidroid fires a precise laser shot, blasting the remote right off Syndrome's wrist. It clatters to the street. Syndrome whirls around in horror as the bot goes after him. He flies out of control, and he crashes onto a building. He lands, tries to get up and falls unconscious soon after.]''
:''[Frozone appears on the scene. High above the earth — another rocket, identical to the first one, descends from the clouds. Again, it separates into quarters which fall away, revealing the landing craft inside — and only then do we notice what's different about it: in the center of the large, perfectly round hole designed to house the Omnidroid is — the command vehicle, precariously held in place by a very stretched, very stressed Helen. Inside the command vehicle Bob is at the wheel, Vi and Dash are seated at a small table in the back.]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[exasperated]'' Are we nearly there yet?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' We'll get there when we get there!
:''[opens the window; to Helen, who is suspended from the Omnidroid's lander, clutching its sides and holding the van in place as loose debris is scattered everywhere.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' How you doing, honey?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Do I have to answer?!
:''[The giant wing is descending, gliding closer to the water, as the city looms closer directly ahead.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Kids, strap yourselves down like I told you!
:''[Violet and Dash move to the seats at the monitor panels, belting themselves in. Bob opens his window, yells up to Helen]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Here we go, honey! Ready, Violet? ''[Violet holds a hand over a giant, jerry-rigged release switch.]'' Ready? Now! ''[Violet slams the switch. The explosive bolts fire, separating the wing. Helen let's go with a pained shout, swings inside through the window. Bob steps on the gas. The command vehicle wheels spin. Bob tenses as he watches the speedometer move past 110, 120, 130.]'' This is gonna be rough! ''[The command vehicle sails over an overpass, clipping a light pole, and crashes to the pavement in a shower of sparks. It flies down the street at 200 MPH. Fighting to keep control, Bob hits the brakes. Smoke erupts from the wheel wells.]'' The robot’s in the financial district. Which exit do I take?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Traction Avenue.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' That'll take me downtown. I take 7th, don't I?
:''[Bob cranks the wheel and cuts across several lanes toward the Seventh Street exit.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Don’t take 7th!
:''[Bob aborts the exit, swerving hard to avoid a collision.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Great, we missed it!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' You asked me how to get there, and I told you. Exit at Traction!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' That’ll take me downtown!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' It's coming up! Get in the right lane! Signal!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[changing lanes]'' We don't exit at Traction!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''&lt;big&gt;YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:''[The command vehicle takes a violent swerve across six lanes, barely making the off-ramp! Sparks spray as the vehicle slams into the guardrail. The command vehicle careens off the railing and into traffic, narrowly missing a semi. Horns blare. Bob's teeth clench as he fights to slow the vehicle down. He stomps both feet on the brakes. Its tires smoking, the command vehicle pulls sideways and loses it, tumbling down the center of the street, spraying metal pieces in its wake. It rolls into an open parking space, and lands — miraculously upright, stripped like an ear of eaten corn. A more perfect parallel park couldn't have been executed. Bob and Helen sit up woozily. Bob turns to Dash and Violet.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Is everybody okay back there?
:''[Violet and Dash pull themselves upright. They look as if they've emerged from an industrial tumble dryer]''
:'''Violet:''' Super-duper, Dad!
:'''Dash:''' ''[laughing]'' Let’s do that again.
:''[The Omnidroid comes into view through the cracked windshield. Bob releases his seat belt, turns to Helen.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Wait here and stay hidden. I’m going in.
:''[Bob grimly starts after the Omnidroid. Helen stretches an arm out and grabs his shoulder, spinning him around.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' While what? I watch helplessly from the sidelines? I don’t think so.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’m '''''asking you''''' to wait with the kids.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' And I’m '''''telling you''''', &quot;not a chance&quot;. You’re my husband. I’m with you for better or worse.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I have to do this alone!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' What is this to you? Playtime?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' So you can be Mr. Incredible AGAIN?!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Then what? What is it?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’m not...
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Not what?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’m not strong enough.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Strong enough. And this will make you stronger?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Yes. No!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' That’s what this is? Some sort of workout!?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''I CAN'T LOSE YOU AGAIN!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[Helen is stunned. She stares at Bob, whose head is bowed like a child]'' I can’t. Not again. I’m not... strong enough.
:''[Helen searches Bob's eyes, deeply touched. She throws her arms around him, kissing him.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' If we work together, you won’t have to be.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I don’t know what’ll happen.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Hey. We’re superheroes. What can happen?
:''[Violet screams. She and Dash jump clear just as the command vehicle is crushed by the Omnidroid's metal foot. The Incredibles run. Another Omnidroid foot smashes into the street, blocking the kids' way. Bob and Helen stop, whirling]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Vi, Dash— NO!
:''[The Omnidroid is now fully focused on the kids, pounding Violet's force field relentlessly with its giant claws. The shield holds. The Omnidroid draws itself up and drops — the entirety of its massive bulk slams into the force field knocking Vi unconscious. Her force field flickers out]''
:'''Dash:''' Violet?
:''[Again, the Omnidroid draws itself up to deliver the crushing blow. Dash cringes and the bot drops — and hits an obstacle halfway down. Dash looks up]''
:'''Dash:''' Dad!
:''[Bob is underneath the bot, on his back, his arms and legs straining under the weight of it.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Go, go!
:''[Violet comes to and is instantly yanked out from under the bot and into Helen's arms.]''
:'''Violet:''' I’m okay, mom. Really.
:''[Dash follows them around the corner. Straining, Bob lifts the Omnidroid enough to get his feet underneath him. The bot snatches Bob out from underneath and flings him at a building across the street. The windows of the nearby building shatter as Bob's body tumbles across the floor, scattering desks and chairs. Helen rounds a corner out of the Omnidroid's view and carefully sets Violet down. She looks at Dash and Vi.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Stay here, okay?
:''[Helen turns away, charging back toward the robot. Vi and Dash watch their fearless mother in amazement.]''
:''[as the Omnidroid pulls itself up the building to look for Bob. Bob charges the Omnidroid, hitting it with enough force to dislodge it from the building. It falls, crashing into the street with an earth-shattering boom. Bob falls with it but rolls and lands on his feet. The familiar sound of cracking ice causes Bob to look up]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Frozone! Yeah!
:''[A narrow sheet of ice streaks across the pavement and Frozone skates past, joining the fight. Following Frozone — He moves to the Omnidroid, expertly icing its joints as it tries to get up. The Omnidroid whines as its motors strain against the ice. Further down the street, Helen rushes up to Bob]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Bob!
:''[Just then Frozone sails into frame and crashes into the roof of a parked car. Bob turns angrily toward the Omnidroid and is immediately smacked by it. Bob flies into the side of a building and tumbles to the street. Frozone and Helen distract the Omnidroid, heckling it and spreading out. It goes after them like an enraged beast. Dazed, Bob looks up and sees a strange device on the ground in front of him. He examines it, his eyes widening when he realizes what it is. He holds it up, yelling excitedly to the others]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Hey! Syndrome’s remote!
:''[The Omnidroid comes down on Bob like a ton of bricks, lifting him high above the ground. Miraculously, Bob has held on to the remote, and he quickly stabs at the buttons, hoping to get lucky. With a boom, one of the bot's limbs releases, sending it — and Bob — crashing to the ground]''
:''[Around the corner, Violet sees this. She turns to Dash]''
:'''Violet:''' The remote controls the robot!
:''[The Omnidroid knows this too, and it fires laser blasts at Bob to try to stop Bob from using the remote. Bob jumps clear, then hears Dash from down the street.]''
:'''Dash:''' Hey, Dad! Throw it, throw it!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Go long!
:''[Bob gives the remote a monster throw, flinging it high into the air and across the river. Dash pivots and takes off after it. The Omnidroid sees Dash and starts firing after him. With Dash as he hits the water, jetting across the water's surface as the Omnidroid fires away. The water explodes around Dash, but he concentrates on the remote, following it into his hands like an NFL receiver.]''
:'''Dash:''' Got it!
:''[Dash crosses the river and hits the streets on the other side, seemingly home free. But the Omnidroid is still firing, and it hits some cars in Dash's path, igniting their gas tanks. Suddenly Dash is surrounded by a wall of flames! Bob runs toward Helen, who is closer to the Omnidroid.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Honey, take out its guns!
:''[Helen hears him. She grabs a heavy manhole cover winding her elastic arm around a light pole to fling it — like an arrow — at the Omnidroid's gun. Bullseye. What follows amounts to a game of hot potato between the Supers and the Omnidroid over the remote: Frozone saves Dash from the circle of burning cars. Omnidroid sees this and goes after them. With Dash on his back, Frozone races across the river, freezing it in front of him as he goes.]''
:'''Frozone:''' Dash! Gotcha!
:''[Omnidroid jumps — almost on top of them, creating a massive wave and throwing Dash and Frozone high into the air. Thinking fast, Frozone turns the wave into a wall of snow. It crashes over the streets, cushioning their fall. The remote clatters to the ground. Bob sees it and runs for it. The Omnidroid sees Bob and fires a claw — catching Bob just as he was reaching for the remote. The claw — with Bob inside — tumbles end over end down the street. With Bob out of the way, the Omnidroid heads for the remote. Frozone ices the Omnidroid's path, causing its metal feet to slip and slide. Helen runs ahead of the Omnidroid, stretching herself into a tripwire across the stumbling Omnidroid's path. It crashes to the street. The Omnidroid looks up. The remote lies on the street just in front of it, easily within its grasp. The Omnidroid reaches out with a claw to destroy the remote. The remote magically jumps clear. The Omnidroid tries again, and again the remote darts away. Riled now, it rears up and stabs wildly at the remote with all of its arms. We hear Violet shriek, as the remote repeatedly eludes the Omnidroid's grasp: finally tangling its legs so badly that it topples over. Violet reappears, running back to rejoin the group in the middle of the street.]''
:'''Frozone''': Violet!
:'''Violet:''' Mom, I’ve got it! I’ve got the remote!
:'''Frozone:''' '''''A remote? A remote that controls what?'''''
:''[Violet begins to fiddle with the remote's click-wheel, pressing its buttons to no effect. The Omnidroid has gotten to its feet and lunges toward them. Violet shrieks and presses the button one last time. Rockets fire underneath the Omnidroid's clawed feet, lifting the enormous machine into the air.]''
:'''Frozone:''' THE ROBOT?!?'
:''[Everyone ducks as the Omnidroid rockets overhead, crashing into a building at the end of the street. Like a woozy prizefighter, the Omnidroid gets back on its feet.]''
:'''Dash:''' It's coming back!
:''[Dash snatches the remote from Violet, aims it at the Omnidroid, spins the click-wheel and presses a button. Behind Dash (and unseen by all) the claws on the Omnidroid's detached arm spring open — flinging Bob into the air.]''
:'''Dash:''' That wasn't right.
:'''Violet:''' ''[snatching remote back]'' Give me that!
:DOWN THE STREET - WITH BOB
:''[He climbs to his feet, muttering to himself.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' We can’t stop it. The only thing hard enough to penetrate it is... ''[A thought hits him. Remembering the first fight he had with the Omnidroid in the jungle, lava and volcano, he turns, staring at the metal claw]'' itself.
:'''Dash:''' It's getting closer.
:'''Violet:''' It doesn't work!
:''[Helen has the remote now and is trying to figure it out. The Omnidroid has them all in its sights and is lumbering toward them. The kids are starting to panic.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' No, this'll work! This'll work! Lucius, try to buy us some time!
:'''Frozone:''' Try the one next to it.
:''[Lucius takes off, throwing ice and skating down the street toward the approaching Omnidroid. He jumps off an ice ramp, his skates converting into a circular ski-disc in mid-air. He lands, throwing a massive ice wall in front of the Omnidroid.]''
:''[With Bob as he closes the claw into a massive arrowhead and starts charging down the street. With Helen and the kids — Helen dials the click-wheel on the remote and presses one of the buttons. The back of the claw suddenly fires a rocket engine. Bob veers crazily, trying to control it. Helen presses the button again. Now close to the group, Bob's claw rocket switches off. Bob gets an idea]''
:''[Helen presses a button. The claw blades start to spin.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Honey! ''[Frozone is putting up an ice wall to delay the Omnidroid's advancement toward them]'' Wait a minute. &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''PRESS THAT BUTTON AGAIN!! NO, THE OTHER ONE!! T-THE FIRST ONE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' First button! Got it!
:''[The Omnidroid has broken through the first ice wall and pounding away at a second one. Though Frozone's giving it all he's got, the Omnidroid's starting to break through.]''
:''[Helen looks at the remote, gestures at her kids.]''
:'''Dash:''' It’s getting closer!
:'''Frozone:''' Look out!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Get outta here, kids, find a safe spot!
:'''Violet:''' We’re not going anywhere!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;''''PRESS THE BUTTON!''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Not yet!
:'''Frozone:''' ''[apprehensively, as the Omnidroid advances toward Bob]'' Helen...?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' A closer target! Ya got one shot!
:''[The Omnidroid shatters the ice wall Frozone put up, it's almost on top of them. Elastigirl presses the button. The claw-rocket fires. Mr. Incredible aims it directly at the Omnidroid's metal underbelly—]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;'''''EVERYBODY DUCK!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[—and releases it. The giant metal claw roars overhead and drills clean through the Omnidroid's body, coming out the other side embedded in the CPU. For a long moment nothing happens. Then the gargantuan machine keels over and explodes. It's over. The family looks at each other, stunned]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Hey, Zone.
:''[Frozone starts laughing. Mr. Incredible smiles as he looks at his super family. It feels like his best memories... only better. The seemingly empty city begins to come to life, as people emerge from their hiding places, converging in the street. People begin to spontaneously cheer the heroes, welcoming the Supers' return. Syndrome comes to. Looks over the edge to the streets below to find the battle over and the masses cheering, not for him, but for the group of Supers. He darkens]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Huh? NO!
:''[Two elderly gentlemen stand together in the crowd. One nudges the other]''
:'''Frank Thomas''' Hey, did you see that? That's the way to do it. That's old school.
:'''Ollie Johnston:''' Yeah. No school like the old school.
:'''Frank Thomas:''' Yeah!
:''[They drink in the cheers as the adoring crowd gathers around them]''
:'''Frozone:''' ''[chuckles]'' Just like old times.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Just like old times. ''[slaps Frozone on the back, a little too hard]''
:'''Frozone:''' ''[shaking it off]'' Oh! Yeah. Hurt then too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A long, black limo cruises down the street. Mr. Incredible sits proudly with his family as Rick Dicker debriefs them. Everyone is enjoying the moment, save for Elastigirl, who has already clicked back into &quot;mother mode&quot; and is using the car phone to get messages]''
:'''Rick Dicker:''' We've frozen all of Syndrome's assets. If he even sneezes, we'll be there with a hanky and a pair of handcuffs. The people of this country are indebted to you.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Does this mean we can come out of hiding?
:'''Rick Dicker:''' Let the politicians figure that one out. But I've been asked to assure you we'll take care of everything else. You did good, Bob.
:''[Dash plays with the electric windows as Helen retrieves messages from the car phone. Window up, window down...]''
:'''Kari:''' ''[beeps; over phone]'' Hi, this is Kari. I have a question about Jack-Jack...
:''[...window up, up, down, up.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[to Dash]'' Come on. We're in a limo.
:''[Bob is looking appreciatively at Violet]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Hey, you're wearing your hair back.
:'''Violet:''' ''[stammering]'' Yeah, I just... yeah.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' It looks good.
:'''Violet:''' ''[blushing]'' Thanks, Dad.
:'''Dash:''' ''[to Bob]'' That was so cool when you threw that car!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Not as cool as you running on water.
:'''Dash:''' Hey, Mom, that was sweet when you snagged that bad guy with your arm and kinda whiplashed him into the other guy. It was so sweet!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl)''': Honey, uh, yeah, I'm trying to listen to messages, honey.
:'''Kari:''' ''[beeps; over phone]'' Mrs. Parr, it's me. Jack-Jack is fine, but weird things are happening. Jack-Jack's still fine, but I'm getting really weirded out! When are you coming back?
:'''Dash:''' ...aced those guys that tried to kill us! That was the best vacation ever! ''[flops back on the seat, exhilarated]'' I love our family.
:'''Kari:''' ''[beeps; over phone as Jack-Jack cries]'' I'M NOT FINE, MRS. PARR! PUT THAT DOWN! STOP IT! YOU NEED TO CALL ME! I NEED HELP, MRS. PARR!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[nudges Bob, shares phone]'' Bob, listen to this.
:''[Helen is listening to the last message as the limo slows to a stop in front of their home]''
:'''Kari:''' ''[over phone as Jack-Jack is still crying]'' I'M CALL THE POLICE OR SOMEONE! ''[calmly]'' Hi, this is Kari. Sorry for freakin' out, but your baby has special needs.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &quot;Special needs&quot;?
:'''Kari:''' Anyway, thanks for sending a replacement sitter.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Replacement? I didn't call for a replacement.
:''[Bob's eyes widen. He and Helen jump from the car, followed by the kids. They cross the lawn and burst through the front door to reveal — Syndrome who spins, hitting the family with his Zero-point energy ray. Cradling a sleeping Jack-Jack in his arms, he grins.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Shh....The baby is sleeping. ''[Evil laugh]'' You took away my future. I’m simply returning the favor. Oh, don’t worry, I’ll be a good mentor. Supportive, encouraging. Everything that you weren’t. And in time, who knows, he might make a good sidekick. Ha ha!
:''[Syndrome flings the family into the bookcase. He points his power band toward the roof and blows a huge hole in it, revealing his Manta Jet hovering high above. Syndrome fires his jet-boots and takes off toward the jet.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''He’s getting away, Bob!! &lt;big&gt;WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NOW!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:''[Jack-Jack awakens to the sight of his family and home receding beneath him. He starts crying, reaching out for them. Syndrome nears the Manta Jet. Jack-Jack's crying turns angry, and he suddenly bursts into flames. Syndrome shrieks. Jack-Jack's fire goes out, revealing that the baby has turned to metal. Syndrome drops with the sudden weight. His jet-boots compensate, but Syndrome is struggling to stay aloft. The baby's flesh reverts to normal, but the baby begins to vibrate fiercely. Syndrome can barely keep hold of him]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Something’s happening. What’s happening??
:''[The vibrating baby begins to redden, transforming abruptly into a mini demon. The Jack-Jack monster throws a headlock around Syndrome, laughing maniacally and starts to rip apart Syndrome's Jet-boots!]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''&lt;big&gt;WE HAVE TO STOP HIM!!!! THROW SOMTHING!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I can’t! I might hit Jack-Jack!
:''[Jack-Jack screeched while attacking Syndrome. He pulled some of Syndrome's hair and kicks his chin.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[realization, softly]'' Throw me.
:''[Jack-Jack rips a valve from Syndrome's jet-boots, which propels him upward, slamming his head into the jet's wing. He loses hold of Jack-Jack, who falls after changing back into his human form and starts crying.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''&lt;big&gt;BOB, THROW ME!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:''[Helen leaps into Bob's arms, forming into a spear shape. Bob takes aim and flings her toward the falling baby. Helen soars — and grabs Jack-Jack! She quickly blooms into a parachute.]''
:''[Syndrome regains control. He successfully docks with the hovering Manta Jet. He stands at the docking doors, his cape blowing dramatically upwards]''
:'''Syndrome:''' '''''NO!!!''''' This isn't the end of it! I will get your son eventually! I'll get your son! ''[laughs and gasps as he sees Mr. Incredible hurling his car into the air towards the Manta Jet.]'' Oh, no.
:''[Syndrome jumps back as the crafts collide, blowing him off his feet and up over the wing, toward the turbines. Clawing madly to find purchase, he looks over his shoulder in time to see the end of his cape sucked into the intake. Syndrome screams as he's yanked out of frame. Bob, Dash and Violet react as the Manta Jet explodes. Elastigirl cradles Jack-Jack facing upwards, his back toward the ground. He looks at her, giggling and cooing]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Look at Mommy, honey. Don’t look down. Mommy’s got you. Everything is all right.
:''[But Jack-Jack sees burning wreckage coming toward them and starts to shriek, pointing upwards. Helen turns to see it as wreckage crashes on top of them, destroying the Parr home. Elastigirl and Jack-Jack are saved. Violet and Helen exchange a meaningful look.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' That’s my girl.
:'''Dash:''' Does this mean we have to move again?
:''[Everyone chuckles at this. The smoke begins to clear, revealing a lone witness to this cataclysmic event — Rusty, whose eyes are as big as dinner plates.]''
:'''Rusty:''' Oh, man. '''''&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!!!!!!!&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Parker Stadium - Metroville, 3 MONTHS LATER]''
:''[The stadium parking lot is about half full on a beautiful cloudless day. The sign outside the stadium displays &quot;JUNIOR HIGH TRACK FINALS&quot;. Inside the stadium, young runners loosen up at the starting line of the hundred-yard dash. Dash is among them. He waves to the stands. In the stands, Bob, Helen and Jack-Jack wave back. Coming down the steps is none other than Violet's crush, Tony Rydinger. He waves cooly at some friends and heads toward the concession stand. Pausing when he sees Violet and a friend talking nearby. He approaches them.]''
:''[PA announcements]''
:'''Violet''': Do we have to have cheerleaders at the track meet? I mean, what is that all about?
:'''Violet's friend:''' Well, I always thought it was more like a...
:'''Tony:''' Hey.
:'''Violet:''' Hey.
:'''Tony:''' You’re, uh, Violet, right?
:'''Violet:''' That’s me.
:'''Violet's friend''': See you, Vi.
:''[Her friend leaves]''
:'''Tony:''' You look different.
:'''Violet:''' I feel different. Is different... okay?
:'''Tony:''' Hey, different is... ''[clears throat]'' Different is great. ''[stammering]'' Would you wanna...
:'''Violet:''' Yeah?
:'''Tony:''' Do you think maybe... ''[stammering]'' ...you and I... you know...
:'''Violet''''':'' Yeah?
:'''Tony:''' Do you...
:''[Violet silences Tony with a single finger on his lips. Tony stares at her in shock and wonder.]''
:'''Violet:''' Shh. I like movies. I’ll buy the popcorn. Okay?
:'''Tony:''' ''[stammering]'' A movie. There you go. Yeah...yeah! Wait, wait...so Friday?
:'''Violet:''' Friday. ''[She sits down with Bob, Helen and Jack-Jack]''
:''[The starter pistol fires, and the runners take off. Dash jogs well behind the pack in a confident, easy trot. In the stands Bob, Helen, and Violet cheer Dash on.]''
:'''Bob and Helen:''' Go, Dash, go! Go, go, go! Run, run!
:''[Dash hears them and looks toward the stands.]''
:'''Helen''': Run, Dash! Run!
:''[Dash, his eyes still on his family, accelerates a little and quickly moves toward the front of the pack. Dash, clearly confused now, furrows his brows as he again drops back. The family shouts louder]''
:'''Bob:''' Come on, run! Pick up the pace! Move it, move it! Pace it! Slow down just a little bit! Don’t give up! Make it close!
:''[Understanding, Dash accelerates just enough to scare the leader, crossing the finish line inches behind him.]''
:'''Helen:''' Second!
:'''Bob:''' Close second, close second. Yeah! That’s my boy!
:''[The family crosses the parking lot, Dash sitting atop Bob's shoulders, clutching his second-place trophy. Everyone is happy and together]''
:'''Helen:''' Dash, I'm so proud of you.
:'''Dash:''' I didn't know what the heck you wanted me to do.
:''[The ground begins to quake. The Incredibles stop as the low rumble grows louder. On the far side of the lot, cars begin to be thrown into the air, tossed about like toys. A gargantuan drill spirals out of the ground, throwing dirt and chunks of asphalt in all directions. People run screaming as the enormous metallic vehicle crests and crashes to earth. A door opens on top and a hulking figure in dirty overalls emerges atop a rising platform, his ragged voice amplified through a loudspeaker,]''
:'''Underminer''': '''BEHOLD, THE UNDERMINER!'' I am always beneath you, but nothing is beneath ME! I hereby declare WAR ON PEACE and happiness! Soon all will tremble BEFORE ME!
:''[Camera pans off Bob as he glances at his family. They've already donned their masks, ready as they'll ever be. Camera returns to Bob, revealing that he too has put on his mask. He turns toward their new nemesis and smiles, rips his shirt open to reveal the &quot;i&quot; insignia on the chest of his super suit underneath, the logo of Letter I and The Incredibles; credits roll].''

== Taglines ==
* Save the day.
* Discover the Side of Superheroes You've Never Seen Before
* Expect The Incredible.
* Twice the hero he used to be!
* Super cool!
* No gut, no glory.
* Sock'er Mom.

== Cast ==
=== Voice Cast (in Order of Appearance) ===
* [[w:Craig T. Nelson|Craig T. Nelson]] – Robert &quot;Bob&quot; Parr/Mr. Incredible
* [[w:Holly Hunter|Holly Hunter]] – Helen Parr/Elastigirl
* [[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]] – Lucius Best/Frozone
* [[w:Jason Lee (actor)|Jason Lee]] – Buddy Pine/Syndrome
* Dominique Louis – Bomb Voyage
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] – Newsreel Narrator
* [[w:Jean Sincere|Jean Sincere]] – Mrs. Hogenson
* Eli Fucile'''&lt;br&gt;'''Maeve Andrews – Jack-Jack Parr
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] – Gilbert Huph
* [[w:Spencer Fox|Spencer Fox]] – Dashiell &quot;Dash&quot; Parr
* [[w:Lou Romano|Lou Romano]] – Bernie Kropp
* Wayne Canney – Principal
* [[Sarah Vowell]] – Violet Parr
* Michael Bird – Tony Rydinger
* [[w:Elizabeth Pena|Elizabeth Peña]] – Mirage
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] – Rick Dicker
* [[Brad Bird]] – Edna &quot;E&quot; Mode
* Bret Parker – Kari
* Kimberly Clark – Honey
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] – Underminer

=== Additional Voices ===
* Nicholas Bird – Rusty McAllister
* [[w:Frank Thomas (animator)|Frank Thomas – Himself]]
* [[w:Ollie Johnston|Ollie Johnston – Himself]]
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] – Jet's Automated Captain/Robotic Security Bird/Tablet (uncredited)
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] – Soldier
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] – Guard #1 (uncredited)
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] – Guard #2 (uncredited)
* Randy Nelson – Police Officer #1
* [[w:Mark Andrews (filmmaker)|Mark Andrews]] – Police Officer #2
* [[w:Peter Sohn|Peter Sohn]] – Mugger
* [[w:Patrick Pinney|Patrick Pinney]] – Oliver Sansweet (uncredited)
* [[w:Bill Farmer|Bill Farmer]] – Oliver Sansweet's Lawyer (uncredited)
* [[Rodger Bumpass]] – Mr. Incredible's Lawyer (uncredited)
* [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]] – Police Officer #3
* Mickie McGowan – Citizen Mother (uncredited)
* Elizabeth Greenberg – Citizen #1
* Katherine Ringgold – Citizen #2
* Deirdre Warin – Old Lady
* [[w:John Walker (film producer)|John Walker]] – Minister (uncredited)
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] (uncredited)
* [[w:Rick Miller (comedian)|Rick Miller]] (uncredited)

== Trailers ==
=== Teaser Trailer ===
:''[the screen shows Disney and Pixar logos, the text puts up &quot;Walt Disney Pictures presents&quot; and &quot;a Pixar Animation Studios film&quot;, fades to the camera zooms by the picture frames, then hearing a phone ringing, then Bob picks up the phone]''
:'''Telephone''': Mr. Incredible, we need your help.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': ''[grabs the outfit, putting black shoes on, then putting long black gloves on, then putting a black mask on]'' Showtime.
:''[tries to put the belt on]''
:'''Helen''': ''[off-screen]'' Honey, come to dinner!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': I can't come to dinner! I've got the... I gotta go!
:''[continues trying to put the belt on]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Maybe just a salad, and uh, yeah. Ooh, and some rice cakes!
:''[continues trying to put the belt on, then trying to put the belt on, slamming the desk, then trying to put the belt on, then trying to put the belt on, sitting on a chair, then trying to put the belt on, stamping on the ground, then looking at the belt, then trying to put the belt on, hitting the chair]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Come on.
:''[takes a deep breath, putting the belt on, the belt breaks off of him, blowing the lights out, then the film's title, then the text puts up &quot;SAVE THE DAY&quot; and &quot;11 - 5 - 2004&quot;, the film website, labeled &quot;Incredibles.com&quot;, is bellow]''

=== Theatrical Trailer #1 ===
Random

=== Theatrical Trailer #2 ===
Random

=== Next Movie: ===
''[[Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas]]'' (2004)

== See also ==
* [[Incredibles 2]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{imdb title | id=0317705 | title=The Incredibles}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=incredibles|title=The Incredibles}}
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20050508020251/http://jupiter.walagata.com/w/frodo01/the_incredibles_transcript.htm Unofficial transcript of the movie]


{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Incredibles, The}}
[[Category:2004 films]]
[[Category:2004 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Films about revenge]]
[[Category:Films directed by Brad Bird]]
[[Category:Films set on fictional islands]]
[[Category:Pixar]]
[[Category:The Incredibles]]
[[Category:2000s English-language films]]</text>
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[[File:The Incredibles logo.svg|thumb|Showtime!]]
'''''[[w:The Incredibles|The Incredibles]]''''' is a [[w:2004 in film|2004]] [[w:Academy Award|Academy Award]]-winning [[w:computer animation|computer animated]] feature film in which, while trying to lead a quiet suburban life, a family of undercover superheroes are forced into action to save the world. '''''[[w:Incredibles 2|Incredibles 2]]''''' was a sequel in [[w:2018 in film|2018]], accompanied with a short film by ''[[w:Turning Red|Turning Red]]'' director Domee Shi, ''Bao''.
:''Directed and written by [[Brad Bird]].''
:''Music by [[w:Michael Giacchino|Michael Giacchino]].''
{{center/s}}'''Save The Day.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}

== Robert &quot;Bob&quot; Parr / Mr. Incredible ==
[[File:Incredibles - Disney Stars and Motor Cars Parade.jpg|thumb|No matter how many times you save the [[world]], it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved! You know?! For a little bit. I feel like the maid: &quot;I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for, for 10 minutes?! Please?!&quot;]]
* ''[repeated phrase]'' Showtime!
* Every superhero has a [[secret]] [[identity]]. I don't know a single one who doesn't. I mean, who wants the pressure of being super [[all]] the [[time]]?
* No matter how many times you save the [[world]], it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved! You know?! For a little bit. I feel like the maid: &quot;I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for, for 10 minutes?! Please?!&quot;
* Sometimes, I think I just like the [[simple]] life, you know, relax a little and raise a [[family]].
* Heavyweight problems need heavyweight solutions.

== Helen Parr / Elastigirl ==
[[File:Disney on Ice - The Incredibles.jpg|thumb|Settle down? Are you kidding? I'm at the top of my game! I'm right up there with the big dogs! Girls, come on. Leave the saving of the world to the men? I don't think so! I don't think so.]]
* Of course I have a secret identity. ''[about her super-suit]'' Can you see me in this at the supermarket? Come on! Who wants to  go shopping as Elastigirl? You know what I mean?
* Brace yourselves! Everybody calm down! Now, I will tell you what we are not going to do. We're not gonna panic, and we're not gonna... '''''LOOK OUT!'''''
* Settle down? Are you kidding? I'm at the top of my game! I'm right up there with the big dogs! Girls, come on. Leave the saving of the world to the men? I don't think so! I don't think so.
* Remember the bad guys on those shows you used to watch on Saturday mornings? Well, these guys are not like those guys. They won't exercise restraint because you're children. They will kill you if they get the chance. Do ''not'' give them that chance.

== Lucius Best/Frozone ==
[[File:Katsucon XX IMGP0239 (12576826285).jpg|thumb|Super-ladies, they're always trying to tell you their secret identity. Think it'll strengthen the [[relationship]] or something like that. I say, &quot;Girl, I don't wanna ''[[know]]'' about your mild-mannered alter ego or anything like that.&quot; I mean, you tell me you're, uh, super-mega-ultra-lightning babe? That's all right with me. I'm good. I'm good.]]
* Super-ladies, they're always trying to tell you their secret identity. Think it'll strengthen the [[relationship]] or something like that. I say, &quot;Girl, I don't wanna ''[[know]]'' about your mild-mannered alter ego or anything like that.&quot; I mean, you tell me you're, uh, super-mega-ultra-lightning babe? That's all right with me. I'm good. I'm good.
* I don't see anyone from the old days, Bob. Just you. And we're pushing our [[luck]] as it is.
* It means ''it's hot!'' And I'm dehydrated, Bob!
* There ''is'' no water in this air! What's your excuse, run out of muscle?
* We look like bad guys! ''Incompetent'' bad guys!

== Dash Parr ==
* ''[After a huge explosion destroys the Parrs' house]'' Does this mean we have to move again?

== Violet Parr ==
* I ''[[feel]]'' different. Is different okay? 

== Syndrome (Buddy Pine / IncrediBoy) ==
[[File:Toicon-icon-fandom-adapt.svg|thumb|And when everyone's super... '''''No one will be.'''''
]]
[[File:Silver symbol (Dalton).svg|thumb|You can't count on ''anyone.'' Especially your heroes.]]
* ''[After Elastigirl's plane is destroyed]'' Ah, you'll get over it. I seem to recall you prefer to… ”work alone”?
* I knew you couldn't do it, even when you have nothing to lose. You're weak! And I've outgrown you.
* It tore me apart, but I've learned an important lesson. You can't count on ''anyone.'' Especially your heroes.
* ''[After Mr. Incredible begs him to stop the missiles from hitting Elastigirl's plane]'' Too late! 15 years too late.
* ''[has just caught the entire Parr family]'' WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! HEY, TIME OUT! What have we here? Matching uniforms? ''[sees Helen]'' Oh, no... Elastigirl? You married Elastigirl?! ''[laughs, then looks at Violet and Dash]'' And got '''biz-zay'''! It's a whole family of Supers! Looks like I've hit the jackpot! ''[laughs, then says in a twangy accent]'' Oh, this is just too good!
* I'll give them heroics. I'll show them the most spectacular heroics anyone's ever seen! And when I'm old and I've had my fun, I'll sell my inventions so that everyone can be superheroes. ''Everyone'' can be super! And when everyone's super... ''[walks away laughing before he talks in a remorseless tone]'' No one will be.
* ''[freezes the Parr family as they barge into the house while holding a sleeping Jack-Jack; quietly]'' Shh. The baby is sleeping. ''[snickers sinisterly]'' You took away my future. I'm simply returning the favor. Don't worry, I'll be a good mentor. Supportive, encouraging. Everything you weren't! And in time, who knows, he might make a good sidekick.
* ''[last words before his death]'' This isn't the end of it! I will get your son, eventually! I'll get your son! ''[laughs and gasps as he sees Mr. Incredible hurling his car into the air]'' Oh, no.

== Mirage ==
* ''[on message computer]'' The Supers aren't gone, Mr. Incredible. You're still here. You can still do great things. Or… you can listen to police scanners. Your choice. You have 24 hours to respond. Think about it. ''[fades out]''
* ''[about Syndrome]'' He's attracted to [[power]]. So am I. It's a weakness we share.
* ''[having had enough of Syndrome's evil after he taunted Mr Incredible with his family's apparent demise]'' Next time you gamble, bet your own life.

== Edna Mode ==
[[File:Edna Mode and Mrs. Incredible at Tokyo DisneySea in June 2024 (2).jpg|thumb|I never look back, darling. It distracts from the [[now]]!]]
* I never look back, darling. It distracts from the [[now]]!
* You will show him you remember that he is Mr. Incredible, and you will remind him who ''you'' are!
* Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man. Good with kids. November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved, when... his cape snagged on a missile fin.
* Stratogale! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine!
* Meta Man, express elevator! Dynaguy, snag on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! NO CAPES!

== Underminer ==
* Behold: The Underminer! I am always beneath you, but [[nothing]] is beneath me! I hereby declare [[war]] on [[peace]] and [[happiness]]! Soon, all will tremble before me!

== Dialogue ==
:''[First lines; The movie begins with a colored backing. A magnificent, masked man in a black-and-blue superhero suit is sitting in a chair: mid-twenties, ruggedly handsome and powerfully built, he fiddles with a clip-on microphone. We're watching a faded documentary, shot in 16mm. A title fades in, identifying the man as [[w:Mr. Incredibles|Mr. Incredible]]]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Is this on?
:'''Interviewer''': ''[off-screen]'' That’s fine.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': ''[muttering to himself]'' I can break through walls, I just can’t…
:'''Interviewer''': ''[off-screen]'' That’s fine.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': I can’t get this on.
:'''Interviewer''': ''[off-screen]'' So, Mr. Incredible, do you have a secret identity?
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Every superhero has a secret identity. I don’t know a single one who doesn’t. Who wants the pressure of being super all the time?
:''[Resume documentary: Another striking, masked superhero, a woman this time. A title identifies her as [[w:Elastigirl|Elastigirl]]]''
:''[On-screen text: Walt Disney Pictures Presents]''
:'''Elastigirl''': Of course I have a secret identity. Can you see me in this at the supermarket? Come on. Who’d wanna go shopping as Elastigirl, y’know what I mean?
:''[Resume documentary: Another striking, superhero with a visor, a man. A title identifies him as Frozone]''
:''[On-screen text: A Pixar Animation Studios Film]''
:'''Frozone''': Super Ladies, they’re always tryna tell you their secret identity. Think it’ll strengthen the relationship or somethin' like that. I said, &quot;Girl, I don’t wanna '''''know''''' about your mild-mannered alter ego.&quot; or anything like that. I mean, you tell me you’re a super-mega-ultra-lightnin'-babe, that’s alright with me. I’m good. I’m good.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved, you know? For a little bit. I feel like the maid. I just cleaned up this mess. Can we keep it clean for ten minutes?
:'''Interviewer:''' I could get to that point.
:'''Mr. Incredible:''' Please?
:'''Interviewer:''' Wait, no, don’t get up. We’re not finished.
:'''Mr. Incredible:''' Sometimes I think I’d just like the simple life, you know? Relax a little and raise a family.
:'''Elastigirl:''' Settle down? Are you kidding? I’m at the top of my '''''game'''''! I’m right up there with the big dogs! Girls, come on. Leave the saving of the world to the '''''men'''''? I don’t think so. I don’t think so. ''[fades to black. On-screen Text: The Incredibles. Sirens wail as lights flash, we're in the middle of a classic car chase: A police car in hot pursuit of another car driven by armed bank robbers. The robber riding shotgun primes his sub-machine gun and unloads on the cop car, which swerves into oncoming traffic to avoid the hail of bullets. Bob Parr, a dashing, golden-haired man in his thirties listens to his radio. If he looks familiar, it's because he is the same man we saw earlier: Mr. Incredible, minus the mask and super-suit. Suddenly the music is interrupted by an announcement]''
:'''Police Radio:''' We interrupt for an important bulletin. A deadly high-speed pursuit between police and armed gunmen is underway, traveling northbound on San Pablo Avenue.
:''[Bob presses a button. The radio flips: converting to a screen filled with a moving aerial map of the city streets. He selects &quot;Isolate Pursuit&quot;. Two red dots appear, moving quickly over the map. He makes a hard right turn. Looks at the screen. A tiny &quot;i&quot; icon (Mr. Incredible's logo) closes in on the two red dots. He checks his watch]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Yeah, I’ve got time.
:''[He presses another button: &quot;Auto-drive&quot; and selects &quot;Merge Pursuit&quot;. Bob takes his hands off the wheel and a rapid series of automated actions begin: the seat back drops flat; the passenger seat folds against the window as the driver's seat slides to the center. Bob raises his arms as metal bands lock around his waist, then separate, sliding apart toward his head and his toes, removing his clothes to reveal his slick, brightly colored Mr. Incredible super-suit underneath. He presses another button: the car's exterior converts into the coolest retro-futuristic vehicle ever seen: The Incredi-Bile. Mr. Incredible looks up: Through the windshield we see an old lady waving him down]''
:'''Old Lady:''' Mr. Incredible. Um, Mr. Incredible…
:''[Mr. Incredible pulls up. His window whooshes open]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' What is it, ma’am?
:'''Old Lady:''' ''[pointing to tree]'' My cat, Squeaker, won’t come down.
:''[Mr. Incredible glances at his screen: the pursuit is headed his way. He thinks, making some quick calculations, then]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Certainly, ma’am! But I suggest you stand clear. There could be trouble.
:'''Old Lady:''' No, no. He’s quite tame.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Let go now! ''[cat yowls]''
:''[The cop car pulls back in behind the robbers' car. The cops are firing now and closing in. Mr. Incredible and the cat tree. Nervously checking the pursuit on his video screen, Mr. Incredible rips the tree out of the ground. He tips it, leaning it across to the old lady just as the car chase squeals into view at the end of the block. Mr. Incredible sees this and hastily shakes the tree, trying to dislodge Squeaker. The car chase. The cars swerve into view now, bordering the park that Mr. Incredible is in. Mr. Incredible sees them and shakes Squeaker harder. Chase cars close in. Mr. Incredible. Car chase. Squeaker. Chase. Squeaker, one final shake: Squeaker drops into the Old Lady's hands. Mr. Incredible raises the tree up and slams it down on the hood of the crooks' car, squashing it like a bug. Mr. Incredible tamps down the loose dirt at the base of the freshly replanted tree and smiles at his admirers]''
:'''Police Officer #1:''' Thank you, Mr. Incredible. You’ve done it again.
:'''Police Officer #2:''' Yeah, you’re the best.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No, I’m just here to help.
:'''Police Radio:''' Attention all units. We have a tour bus robbery…
:''[Mr. Incredible frowns and looks at his watch. He makes a calculation, muttering to himself]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Tour bus robbery. I’ve still got time. Officers. Ma’am. Squeaker.
:''[Mr. Incredible jumps into the Incredi-Bile and is startled to find a pudgy kid wearing a mask and a homemade superhero costume sitting in the passenger seat. This is Buddy Pine aka IncrediBoy]''
:'''Buddy (IncrediBoy):''' ''[first words]'' Cool! Ready for take-off!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' What the…? Who are you supposed to be?
:'''Buddy (IncrediBoy):''' Well, I’m lncrediBoy.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' What? No. You’re that kid from the fan club. ''[stammering]'' Brophy-Br-Brody-Bu-Buddy! ''[sternly]'' Buddy.
:'''Buddy (IncrediBoy):''' My '''''name''''' is IncrediBoy.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Look, I’ve been nice, I’ve stood for photos, signed every scrap of paper you pushed at me, but this is…
:'''Buddy (IncrediBoy):''' No, you don’t have to worry about training me. I know all your moves, your crime fighting style, favorite catch phrases, everything! I’m your number one fan! ''[The passenger door whooshes open and IncrediBoy is ejected from the car. Mr. Incredible fires the afterburners and peels off, leaving Buddy standing alone]'' Hey! Hey, wait!
:''[A trail of stolen goods scattered across a rooftop leads us to a mugger. He mutters to himself as he roots through a stolen purse, disregarding some items, stuffing others into his pockets. A shadow looms on the wall behind him]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You know. ''[the snatcher looks up. He grins]'' you can tell a lot about a woman by the contents of her purse, but maybe that’s not what you had in mind.
:'''Snatcher:''' Hey, look!
:''[Mr. Incredible closes in on him. The snatcher drops the purse and pulls a gun. Suddenly, an arm stretches and punches the snatcher's jaw. Mr. Incredible looks up and sees a dazzling masked woman in an equally dazzling suit. She smiles. If she looks familiar, it's because she is the same woman we saw earlier: Elastigirl, aka the soon-to-be Helen Parr]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Elastigirl.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Mr. lncredible.
:''[Elastigirl moves to the snatcher, begins to pick him up]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No, it’s all right. I’ve got him.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Sure, you’ve got him. I just took him out for you.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Sure, you took him out. His attention was on me.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' A fact I exploited to do my job.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' My job, you mean.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' A simple thank you will suffice.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Thanks, but I don’t need any help.
:''[Elastigirl assesses him. Slowly moves closer]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Whatever happened to &quot;ladies first&quot;?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Well, whatever happened to equal treatment?
:'''Snatcher:''' ''[regaining consciousness]'' Hey, look, the lady got me first. ''[Elastigirl coldcocks the crook with one stretched punch]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Well, we could share, you know.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I work alone.
:''[Elastigirl smiles, moves very close to Mr. Incredible]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Well, I think you need to be more…
:''[In one fluid motion she loops around his body, suddenly behind him and before he can turn, back in front again]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ...flexible.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': ''[dazzled]'' Are...you doin' anything later?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I have a previous engagement.
:''[She makes a little stutter step to the edge of the roof and jumps, flips, loops and stretches across the rooftops like a liquid cat, disappearing into the setting sun. Mr. Incredible lets out a low whistle. That. Is a woman]''
:''[Mr. Incredible handcuffs the snatcher to a pipe]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': Now, you just stay here. They usually pick up the garbage in an hour.
:'''Frozone''': Hey, Incredible!
:''[Mr. Incredible turns. A helicopter sweeps past, machine guns blazing back towards its pursuer. Frozone swoops down, hot on its tail, surfing a sheet of ice that materializes in his path]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': Hey, Frozone!
:''[Frozone leaps, grabbing on to one of the chopper's skids]''
:'''Frozone''': Shouldn't you be getting ready?
:''[Mr. Incredible frowns, glancing at his watch. Mr. Incredible yells at the retreating copter]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': I still got time.
:''[Off-screen, a woman screams followed by the horrified cries of several gathered people]'' 
:'''Woman''': ''[off-screen]'' He's gonna jump!
:''[Mr. Incredible runs to the edge of the building and looks down. A large crowd is gathered on the streets below. Mr. Incredible follows their upwards gaze to the roof of a skyscraper with a man, Oliver Sansweet, who stands poised to jump, then does. Mr. Incredible quickly gauges distances, and then dives off the edge, making a spectacular leap, and tackles him in mid-air and then breaking through an enormous window on the far side, and tumbles to the floor in a shower of glass. Safe]''
:''[Off-screen: the people outside are now clapping in applause]''
:'''Sansweet''': I think you broke something.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': Well, with counseling, I think you'll come to forgive me. ''[senses something]'' Wait a minute...
:''[Mr. Incredible slides Sansweet over to a desk and props him up against it]''
:''[His acute senses turn his attention to the hallway, toward the elevators. As he follows his ears, we become aware of a sound: a tiny series of regular beeps. Mr. Incredible locates a spot on the wall and presses one ear against it. The beeps accelerate. Mr. Incredible starts to push away and... BOOM! The hallway is filled with smoke and debris. A silhouette emerges from the newly blown hole in the wall; a tall, rangy man in a mime costume carries two stuffed duffel bags. This is Bomb Voyage. He surveys the scene with a wicked smile. A vault door is embedded into the wall directly opposite the hole. It moves aside, revealing Mr. Incredible behind it, dazed but unharmed. He sees the mime and growls]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': ''[coughing]'' Bomb Voyage.
:'''Bomb Voyage''': ''[first words]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''Monsieur Incroyable!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; [Translation: Mr. Incredible!]
:'''IncrediBoy''': ''[off-screen]'' And IncrediBoy!
:''[Both Mr. Incredible and Voyage turn and stare in disbelief at the kid, who awkwardly flies over to them]''
:'''Bomb Voyage''': IncrediBoy?
:'''IncrediBoy''': Hey, hey! Aren’t you curious about how I get around so fast? See? I have these rocket boots.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Go home, Buddy.
:'''IncrediBoy:''' What?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Now.
:'''Bomb Voyage:''' '''''Petit mufe va!''''' [Translation: Little oaf…]
:'''IncrediBoy:''' ''[he takes Bob aside]'' Can we talk? You always, always say be true to yourself, but you never say which part of yourself to be true to. Well, I’ve finally figured out who I am. I am your ward…IncrediBoy!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' And now, you have officially carried it too far, Buddy.
:''[Mr. Incredible grabs Bomb Voyage before he could get away. There is an ugly flash in Buddy's eyes]''
:'''IncrediBoy:''' This is because I don’t have powers, isn’t it? Well not every superhero has powers, you know. You can be super without them. [re: his rocket boots] I built these. I can fly. Can you fly?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[warns IncrediBoy]'' Fly home, Buddy. I work alone.
:'''Bomb Voyage''': ''[last words]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''Et ton costume est complètement ridicule!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; [Translation: And your outfit is totally ridiculous!]
:'''IncrediBoy:''' Just give me one chance! ''[to Bomb Voyage]'' I’ll show you. I’ll go get the police.
:''[As Buddy jogs to the shattered window, Mr. Incredible sees that Voyage has sneakily clipped a small bomb onto Buddy's cape]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Buddy, don’t!
:'''IncrediBoy:''' It’ll only take a second, really.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[takes off after him]'' NO, STOP! There’s a bomb!
:''[Mr. Incredible grabs Buddy's cape just as &quot;IncrediBoy&quot; takes off, taking Mr. Incredible with him. Mr. Incredible and the boy rocket wildly out of control, spraying sparks in every direction, Mr. Incredible grabbing at the cape desperately for the bomb]''
:'''IncrediBoy:''' Let go! You’re wrecking my flight pattern! I can do this if you let go!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Will you just…?? I’m trying to help! Stop!
:'''IncrediBoy:''' Let go of my cape!
:''[Mr. Incredible finally grabs hold of the bomb and flings it free. Both he and the bomb fall onto the elevated train tracks below. The bomb explodes, blowing away a large section of track. Mr. Incredible groggily looks up; A train is coming. And heading straight for the section of track that is no longer there. Mr. Incredible sets his jaw and starts running toward the oncoming train, leaping the chasm to intercept the train before it gets there. Mr. Incredible pulls up and plants himself. The expression on his face says it all: this is going to hurt. The train hits; Mr. Incredible taking the full impact. Rail ties break behind Mr. Incredible's feet, spraying in all directions as Mr. Incredible, miraculously, wrestles the train to a stop]''
:''[Finally, Police and paramedics have arrived, cordoning off the accident scene and treating the injured. At last, Mr. Incredible hands Buddy over to the police]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Take this one home. And make sure his '''''mom''''' '''''knows what he's been doing'''''.
:'''IncrediBoy:''' I can help you. You’re making a mista---hey!
:''[The cops shove Buddy into the backseat of their car]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' The injured jumper. You sent paramedics?
:'''Police Officer:''' They’ve already picked him up.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' The blast in that building was caused by Bomb Voyage who I caught in the act robbing the vault. Now, we might be able to nab him if we set up a perimeter.
:'''Police Officer #2:''' You mean he got away?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Well, yeah. '''''Skippy here''''' made sure of '''''that'''''.
:'''IncrediBoy:''' ''[last words]'' IncrediBoy!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You’re not affiliated with me!!
:''[A tiny alarm sounds. Mr. Incredible checks his wristwatch]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Holy smokes, I’m late. Listen, I’ve gotta be somewhere.
:''[Mr. Incredible signals the Incredi-Bile with a remote. It roars into view, squeals to a stop next to him]''
:'''Police Officer:''' What about Bomb Voyage?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Any other night, I’d go after him myself, but I really gotta go. But don’t worry. We'll get him! Eventually!
:''[Mr. Incredible fires the afterburners. The cops watch in dismay as the Incredi-Bile roars off]''
:''[He enters, dressed smartly in a tux, fumbling with his tie]''
:'''Bob:''' Hey, is the night still young?
:'''Lucius:''' You’re '''''very late.'''''
:'''Bob:''' How do I look? Good?
:''[His best man named Lucius Best (aka Frozone) stops him before he...]''
:'''Lucius:''' Oh, the mask! You still got the mask.
:''[Lucius reaches up and pulls off his Mr. Incredible mask. Bob takes a deep breath and pushes open the chapel doors]''
:'''Bob:''' Showtime.
:''[Bob, the groom stands at the altar with his bride, Helen, who we quickly realize is also Elastigirl]''
:'''Minister:''' Robert Parr, will you have this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
:'''Helen:''' You’re late. When you asked me if I was '''''doing anything later''''', I didn’t realize you’d '''''actually forgotten'''''. I thought it was playful banter.
:'''Bob:''' It '''''was''''' playful banter.
:'''Helen:''' Cutting it kinda close, don’t ya think?
:'''Bob:''' You need to be more...flexible.
:'''Helen:''' I love you, but if we’re gonna make this work, you’ve gotta be more than Mr. Incredible. You know that. Don’t you?
:'''Minister:''' ...so long as you both shall live?
:'''Bob:''' I do.
:'''Minister:''' I pronounce this couple husband and wife.
:''[They kiss, as people are cheering and whistling. Gazerbeam, Stratogale, Dynaguy, Meta-Man, Thunderhead, E and Rick Dicker can be seen for a few seconds clapping.]''
:'''Helen:''' As long as we both shall live. No matter what happens.
:'''Bob:''' Hey, come on. We’re superheroes. What could happen?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The screen switches to a news flash.]''
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' In a stunning turn of events, a superhero is being sued for saving someone who, apparently, didn’t want to be saved. The plaintiff, Oliver Sansweet, who was foiled in his attempted suicide by Mr. Incredible, has filed a suit against the famed superhero in Superior Court.
:''[Oliver Sansweet's lawyer stands next to him on the crowded front steps, and speaks to a cluster of reporters]''
:'''Sansweet’s Lawyer:''' Mr. Sansweet didn’t ask to be saved, Mr. Sansweet didn’t wanna be saved! And the injury received from Mr. Incredible’s &quot;actions&quot;, '''''so-called''''' causes him daily pain!
:'''Mr. Incredible:''' Hey, I saved your life!
:'''Sansweet:''' You didn’t save my life, you ruined my death! That’s what you did...!
:'''Mr. Incredible:''' Listen, you little ''[interrupted by his lawyer]'' piece of....
:'''Mr. Incredible's Lawyer:''' My client has no further comment at this time.
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' Five days later, another suit was filed by victims of the El Train accident.
:''[Shots of a courtroom filled with neck-braced, cast-wearing, train-wreck victims. A lawyer goes through his paces, often gesturing toward a glowering Mr. Incredible]''
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' Incredible’s court losses cost the government millions, and opened the floodgates for dozens of superhero lawsuits the world over.
:''[A series of spinning newspaper headlines describing the succession of lawsuits brought against superheroes saying, &quot;DynaGuy sued!&quot;, &quot;'SUPER' DAMAGES!&quot;, &quot;X-RAY VISION PEEPING TOM?&quot; Irate Taxpayers demonstrate, waving placards that read: &quot;NO MORE SUPER BAILOUTS!&quot;, &quot;$UPER EXPEN$IVE!&quot;, etc. A government employee addresses her colleagues]''
:'''Government Public Speaker:''' It is time for their '''''secret identity''''' to become their '''''only identity'''''. Time for them to join us, or go away!
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' Under tremendous public pressure, and the crushing financial burden of an ever-mounting series of lawsuits, the government quietly initiated the superhero relocation program. ''[Superheroes exiting the public stage, as they wave goodbye (ala Nixon), duck into cars in a shower of popping flashbulbs, cheered by supporters, jeered by opponents, etc.]'' The supers will be granted amnesty from responsibility for past actions, in exchange for the promise to never again resume hero work. Where are they now?
:''[A throng of people mill about the city streets in diverse anonymity]''
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' They are living among us. Average citizens, average heroes. Quietly and anonymously continuing to make the world a better place.
:''[The music crescendos as camera lifts up to the horizon and the sun streaming through the clouds.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Title card reading: &quot;15 Years Later&quot;. It’s now 15 years later and Bob is working at an insurance agency and stamps &quot;Denied&quot; on a frail woman (Mrs. Hogenson)'s policy claim, replacing the red &quot;X&quot; on a frail woman (Mrs. Hogenson)'s policy claim]''
:'''Mrs. Hogenson:''' Denied? You’re denying my claim? I don’t understand, I have full coverage.
:''[Her claims adjuster, Bob Parr looks up at Mrs. Hogenson sadly. He looks familiar because it is none other than Mr. Incredible himself, now balding, sixty-four pounds heavier and dressed in a too-tight white-collar shirt sitting in an uncomfortably cramped cubicle. Mrs. Hogenson sits across from him, bewildered and upset]''
:'''Bob:''' I’m sorry, Mrs. Hogenson, but our liability is spelled out in paragraph 17. It states clearly-
:'''Mrs. Hogenson:''' ''[stammering]'' I-I can’t pay for this.
:''[Bob hears the phone ring]''
:'''Bob:''' Excuse me. ''[answers phone]'' Claims, Bob Parr.
:''[Helen chats amiably as she bathes her infant baby Jack-Jack in the sink of their airy, ranch-style kitchen. Her hairstyle has changed, her hips have widened a little, but Motherhood has agreed with her, and little else has changed from her Elastigirl days. A stack of empty moving boxes are stacked haphazardly near the door]''
:'''Helen:''' I’m calling to celebrate a momentous occasion. We’re now officially moved in.
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, well, that’s great, honey. And the last three years don’t count because...
:'''Helen:''' Because I finally unpacked the last box. Now, it’s official. Ha, ha, ha. Why do we have so much junk?
:'''Bob:''' Listen, honey, I’ve got a client.
:'''Helen:''' Say no more. Go save the world one policy at a time, honey. Oh! I gotta go pick up the kids from school. See you tonight.
:'''Bob:''' Bye, honey. ''[to Mrs. Hogenson]'' Excuse me. Where were we?
:'''Mrs. Hogenson:''' ''[crying]'' I'm on a fixed income, and if you can't help me, I don't know what I'll do. ''[blows nose loudly; crying]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[he looks out of his cubicle and above it to make sure no one's eavesdropping and then turns his attention back to Mrs. Hogenson]'' All right, listen closely. I'd like to help you, but I :'''''can't'''''. I'd '''''like''''' to tell you to take a copy of your policy to Norma Wilcox on... :''[whispering, tapping on a notepad instructing her to write this all down]'' Norma Wilcox, W-I-L-C-O-X, on the third floor, but I can't. I also '''''do not''''' advise you to fill out and file a WS2475 form with our legal department on the second floor. I would '''''not''''' expect someone to get back to you quickly to resolve the matter. I'd '''''like to help''''', but there's nothing I can do.
:'''Mrs. Hogenson:''' Oh, thank you, young man.
:'''Bob:''' ''[shushing her and peering over the top of his cubicle, looking around and shouting loudly to make sure no one is listening to the conversation]'' '''''I'M SORRY, MA'AM! I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET!!''''' ''[whispering]'' Pretend to be upset. ''[She walks out of the cubicle pretending to sob. Gilbert Huph, charges down towards Bob's cubicle and pushes past Mrs. Hogenson]''
:'''Huph:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''PAAAARRRRRRR!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[he passes some papers on Bob's desk, as he gets startled. This causes a cup of pencils to fall down, which Bob picks up again]'' You authorized payment on the Walker policy?!
:'''Bob:''' Someone broke into their house, Mr. Huph. Their policy clearly covers them against...
:'''Huph:''' ''[worried]'' I don't know wanna about their coverage, Bob. Don't tell me about their coverage. Tell me how you're keeping Insuricare in the black! Tell me how that's possible with you writing checks to every Harry Hardluck and Sally Sobstory &lt;big&gt;'''''THAT GIVES YOU A PHONE CALL!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[showing off storms out of Bob's cubicle]''
:''[Huph leaves. Bob stands there impotently, then sits]''
:'''PA Announcement:''' Morning break is over. Morning break is over. ''[the cup holding Bob's pencils fall to the floor spilling out]''
:''[Helen enters the principal's office and sees her son [[w:Dash Parr|Dash]] hunched in a chair. Before him are two men, Dash's teacher Bernie Kropp, balding, tense, and looking older than his 36 years, and the school's principal]''
:'''Principal:''' I appreciate you coming down here, Mrs. Parr.
:''[Helen looks at Dash]''
:'''Helen:''' What’s this about? Has Dash done something wrong?
:'''Bernie:''' ''[first words]'' He’s a disruptive influence and he openly mocks me in front of the class.
:'''Dash:''' ''[muttering]'' He says.
:'''Bernie:''' ''[to Helen and Dash]'' Look, I know it's you! He puts thumbtacks on my stool.
:'''Helen:''' ''[telling Bernie what he is done to Dash.]'' You saw him do this?
:'''Bernie:''' Well, not real– No, actually not.
:'''Helen:''' Oh, then how do you know it was him?
:'''Bernie:''' I hid a camera. ''[produces a videotape. Dash gasps and looks at Helen, glaring at him]'' And this time I got him. ''[the footage shows Bernie shows up to his seat and when he's about to sit down, for a couple of frames.]'' I'll show him! I'll show him! I'll show him! ''[Dash is seen running to the seat and back to his desk]'' See? You see? ''[Helen and the principal squint in an attempt to try to see it]'' What, you don't see it? ''[sighs, and rewinds the tape]'' He moves! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''RIGHT THERE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[pauses]'' Wait, wait! Right... ''there! '''Right as I'm sitting down!''''' I don't know, I don't know how he does it, but there's no tack on my stool ''before'' he moves and ''after'' he moves there's a tack! Coincidence? I think &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''NOT'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;!
:'''Principal:''' Uh, Bernie? ''[pats his shoulder]''
:'''Bernie:''' Don’t &quot;Bernie&quot; me! ''[angrily threatening to Dash]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''THIS LITTLE RAT IS GUILTY!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Principal:''' You and your son can go now, Mrs. Parr. I’m sorry for the trouble.
:'''Bernie:''' ''[last words]'' You're letting him go '''''again?!''''' He's guilty! You can see it on his smug little face!! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;''GUILTY, I SAY, GUILTY! '''GUILTY, GUILTY! NO!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Dash and Helen drive to Western View Junior High to pick up Violet]''
:'''Helen:''' Dash, this is the third time this year you've been sent to the office. We need to find a better outlet, a more...constructive outlet.
:'''Dash:''' '''''Maybe I could,''''' if you’d let me go out for '''''sports'''''.
:'''Helen:''' Honey, you know why we can’t do that.
:'''Dash:''' I promise I’ll slow up. I’ll only be the best by a tiny bit.
:'''Helen:''' Dashiell Robert Parr, you are an '''''incredibly competitive boy''''', and a bit of a showoff. The last thing you need is temptation.
:'''Dash:''' You always say, &quot;'''''Do your best'''''&quot;, but you don’t really '''''mean it'''''. Why can’t I do the best that I can do?
:'''Helen:''' Right now, honey, the world just wants us to fit in, and to '''''fit in''''', we just gotta be like everybody else.
:'''Dash:''' Dad always said our powers were nothing to be ashamed of. Our powers made us special.
:'''Helen:''' Everyone's special, Dash.
:'''Dash:''' ''[muttering]'' Which is another way of saying '''''no one is'''''.
:''[At Western View Junior High, daughter [[w:Violet Parr|Violet]] stands next to the stairs outside and Tony, her crush, walks out]''
:'''Boy:''' Hey, Rydinger. Where you headed?
:'''Girl:''' Hi, Tony.
:'''Tony:''' Hey.
:'''Boy:''' Hey, Tony, can I carry your books?
:'''Tony:''' That’s kind of funny.
:'''Boy 1:''' Hey, Tony, do you play football?
:'''Boy 2:''' Tony, I thought we were gonna go swimming.
:''[Tony walks by Violet but when he turns around, he doesn't see anyone. Confused, Tony walks away. Violet's invisible but her clothes are still visible and afterwards becomes fully visible again]''
:'''Violet:''' He looked at me.
:''[car horn honking]''
:'''Dash''': Come on, Violet!
:''[Bob is on an interstate highway and heading home from Insuricare in gridlock traffic]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[slowly arrives in the driveway with his grossly under-sized hatchback, opens the door, accidentally slips on a skateboard and leaves a finger crush on the door, muttering angrily]'' Darn kids. Sitting on the driveway. ''[notices his finger crush on the door]'' Oh, great. ''[attempts to shut the car door with increasing frustration. The third time he quickly throws it closed, only for the door window to crash and shatter.]'' Oh my. ''[He loses his temper, turns red in anger and angrily lifts the car over his head, only to see a boy named Rusty McAllister on his Big Wheel staring at him. Rusty's bubblegum bubble pops. Bob puts the car down, and checks for Rusty. Bob makes his way into the house]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Everyone's eating at the dinner table while Helen feeds Jack-Jack]''
:'''Dash:''' Mom. You’re making weird faces again.
:'''Helen:''' Mmm. No, I'm not.
:'''Bob:''' You make weird faces, honey.
:'''Helen:''' Do ya have to read at the table?
:'''Bob:''' Uh-huh. Yeah.
:'''Helen:''' ''[spots Dash trying to take a bite out of his steak without cutting it]'' Smaller bites, Dash. Yikes! Bob, could you help the carnivore cut his meat?
:'''Dash:''' Ow.
:''[Bob goes over to Dash and cuts his steak]''
:'''Helen:''' Dash, ya have something you wanna tell your father about school?
:'''Dash:''' ''[nervously]'' Well, we dissected a frog.
:'''Helen:''' Dash got sent to the office again.
:'''Bob:''' ''[distracted]'' Good. Good.
:'''Helen:''' No Bob, that's bad.
:'''Bob:''' What?
:'''Helen:''' Dash got sent to the office again.
:'''Bob:''' What? What for?
:'''Dash:''' ''[through his teeth]'' Nothing.
:'''Helen:''' He put a tack on the teacher’s chair... during class.
:'''Dash:''' ''[muttering]'' Nobody saw me. You could barely see it on the tape.
:'''Bob:''' They caught you on tape and you still got away with it? Whoa! You must have been booking. How fast did you think you were going?
:'''Helen:''' Bob! We are not encouraging this.
:'''Bob:''' I’m not encouraging, I’m just asking how fast...
:'''Helen:''' Honey!
:''[Bob accidentally cuts through the plate and then pauses for a few seconds]''
:'''Bob:''' Great. First the car, now I gotta pay to fix the table...
:'''Helen:''' The car? What happened to the car?
:'''Bob:''' Here. I’m getting a new plate. ''[He leaves angrily and goes into the kitchen]''
:'''Helen:''' ''[clearing her throat]'' So, how about you, Vi? How was school?
:'''Violet:''' ''[sullenly]'' Nothin’ to report.
:'''Helen:''' You’ve hardly touched your food.
:'''Violet:''' I’m not hungry for meatloaf.
:'''Helen:''' Well, it is leftover night. We have steak, pasta. What are ya hungry for?
:'''Dash:''' ''[annoyingly teases Violet]'' Tony Rydinger.
:'''Violet:''' ''[angrily]'' Shut up!
:'''Dash:''' ''[annoyingly teases Violet again]'' Well, you are.
:'''Violet:''' ''[angrily shouts at Dash]'' I said, shut up, you little insect!
:'''Dash:''' ''[annoyingly teases Violet one final time]'' Well, she is.
:'''Helen:''' ''[angrily covers Violet and Dash's mouths]'' DO NOT SHOUT AT THE TABLE! Honey!
:'''Bob:''' ''[Off-screen; in the other room]'' Kids! Listen to your mother.
:''[Helen sighs and the family goes back to eating dinner]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[under his breath as he takes a sip from his cup]'' She'd eat if we were having &quot;Tony loaf&quot;.
:'''Violet:''' ''[enraged]'' &lt;big&gt;''''THAT'S IT!''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[furiously jumps over the table and angrily starts fighting with Dash]'' That’s it!
:''[Dash and Violet start fighting]''
:'''Helen:''' Stop it!
:'''Dash:''' ''[furiously starts running around the table angrily hitting Violet every time he passes her]'' You’re gonna be toast!
:'''Helen:''' Stop running in the house. Sit down!
:''[Violet angrily puts a force field in front of Dash to stop him, laughing]''
:'''Dash''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;''''Ow! Hey, no force fields!''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Violet:''' You started it.
:'''Helen:''' ''[stretches her arms to grab Dash and Violet]'' You sit down! You sit down! Violet! ''[Dash and Violet go under the table to fight with Helen’s arms still attached; Jack-Jack is clearly enjoying this]'' Ow! Ow!
:'''Bob:''' ''[gets another plate while still reading the newspaper]'' Simon J. Paladino, longtime advocate of superhero rights, is missing? Gazerbeam.
:'''Helen:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''BOB! IT'S TIME TO ENGAGE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; Do something! Don’t just stand there! I need you to... intervene!
:'''Bob:''' You want me to intervene? Okay!
:''[picks up the table and Helen, with the kids still fighting]''
:'''Bob:''' I’m intervening, I’m intervening!
:'''Helen:''' Violet, let go of your brother!
:''[The doorbell rings.]''
:'''Jack-Jack:''' Hello?
:'''Bob:''' Get the door.
:''[The family quickly goes back to their regular positions except for Dash, who runs over to answer the door.]''
:'''Dash:''' Hey, Lucius!
:'''Lucius''': Hey, Speedo! Hey, Helen. Vi, Jack-Jack.
:''[Dash runs back to his seat at the table]''
:'''Bob:''' He-hey! '''''Ice of you''''' to drop by.
:'''Lucius:''' Ha! Never heard '''''that''''' one before.
:'''Dash''' ''[gargling]:'' Oh, Lucius! ''[He spits water in the air.]''
:'''Lucius:''' Whoa!
:''[He freezes the spit shot and catches it.]''
:'''Lucius''': Ah-ha.
:'''Dash:''' Aw... I like it when it shatters.
:'''Bob:''' I’ll be back later.
:'''Helen:''' Hey, where are you two going?
:'''Bob:''' It’s Wednesday.
:'''Helen:''' Oh. Bowling night. Say hello to Honey for me, Lucius.
:'''Lucius:''' Will do. Good night, Helen. Good night, kids.
:'''Helen:''' ''[glares at Dash]'' Don’t think you’ve avoided talking about your trip to the principal’s office, young man. Your father and I are still gonna discuss it.
:'''Dash:''' I’m not the only kid who’s been sent to the office, you know.
:'''Helen:''' Other kids don’t have superpowers. Now, it’s perfectly normal...
:'''Violet:''' Normal? What do '''''you''''' know about normal? What does '''''anyone in this family know about normal'''''?
:'''Helen:''' Now, wait a minute, young lady.
:'''Violet:''' We act normal, mom! I wanna '''''be''''' normal! The only '''''normal one''''' is Jack-Jack, and he’s not even toilet trained!!
:''[Jack-Jack laughs]''
:'''Dash:''' Lucky. I meant about being normal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bob and Lucius sit in Lucius's large, comfortable sedan, which is parked in a run-down city neighborhood, reminiscing. A portable police scanner sits on the dashboard, volume low, occasionally interrupting his story]''
:'''Lucius:''' So now I’m in deep trouble. I mean, one more jolt of this death ray and I’m an epitaph. Somehow I managed to find cover and what does Baron Von Ruthless do?
:'''Bob:''' ''[laughing]'' He starts monologuing.
:'''Lucius:''' He starts monologuin'! He starts, like, this prepared speech about how '''''feeble''''' I am compared to him. How '''''inevitable my defeat is''''', how the '''''world will soon be his'''''! Yada, yada, yada.
:'''Bob:''' Yammerin'.
:'''Lucius:''' Yammerin'! I mean, the guy has me on a platter, and he won’t shut up.
:'''Police Radio:''' Municiberg, we have a 23-56...
:''[Bob turns up the volume, suddenly intense]''
:'''Bob:''' 23-56, what is that? Robbery?
:'''Lucius:''' This is just sad.
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, robbery. Wanna catch a robber?
:'''Lucius:''' No. Tell you the truth, I’d rather go '''''bowling'''''. Look, what if we actually '''''did''''' what our wives '''''think we’re doing'''''? Just to shake things up.
:''[Meanwhile, in an undercover car....]''
:'''Mirage:''' He’s not alone. The fat guy’s still with him. They’re just talking.
:''[Back in Lucius's car]''
:'''Lucius:''' What are we doin' here, Bob?
:'''Bob:''' We're protecting people.
:'''Lucius:''' Nobody '''''asked us'''''.
:'''Bob:''' You need an '''''invitation'''''?
:'''Lucius:''' I’d like one, yes. We keep sneakin' out to do this, and... you remember Gazerbeam?
:'''Bob:''' Yeah. There was somethin' about him in the paper.
:'''Lucius:''' He had trouble adjusting to civilian life, too.
:'''Bob:''' When’s the last time you saw him?
:'''Lucius:''' I don’t see anyone from the old days, Bob. Just you. And we’re pushin' our luck as it is.
:'''Bob:''' Oh, come on. Come on, come on.
:'''Lucius:''' It was fun the first time, but if we keep doin' this, we’re gonna get''—''
:'''Police Radio:''' We have a report on a fire...
:'''Bob:''' A fire. We’re close! ''[yelling]'' &lt;big&gt;'''YEAH, BABY!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lucius:''' We’re gonna get caught.
:'''Bob:''' WOOO-HOO!
:''[Lucius reluctantly drives forward...]''
:'''Bob:''' Fire! Yeah!
:''[...as the undercover car follows them]''
:''[The camera pans through the inside of a burning building, and then centers on Lucius and Bob, who are both carrying several people over their shoulders]''
:'''Lucius:''' Is that everybody!?
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, that’s everyone!
:'''Lucius:''' It '''''better be'''''. ''[He attempts to generate ice in vain]''
:'''Bob:''' Can’t you put this out?
:'''Lucius:''' I can’t lay down a layer thick enough! It’s evaporating too fast!
:'''Bob:''' Well, what’s that mean?
:'''Lucius:''' It means it’s '''''hot'''''! And I’m '''''dehydrated''''', Bob!
:'''Bob:''' You’re out of ice? You can’t run out of ice! I thought you used the water in the air!
:'''Lucius:''' There '''''is''''' no water in this air! What’s your excuse, run outta muscle?!
:'''Bob:''' I just can’t go smashing into walls! The building’s getting weaker by the second! It’s gonna come down on top of us!
:'''Lucius:''' ''I'' wanted to go '''''bowling!!!'''''
:'''Bob:''' All right! Stay right on my tail! This is gonna get hot!
:''[Bob turns to his side and begins to run with Lucius following him. They crash through the side of the building into the building next to them. A second outside shot of the burning building shows it collapse.]''
:'''Bob:''' Yeah....
:''[But he realizes they’re in a jewelry store...]''
:'''Bob:''' Uh-oh.
:''[...and unknowingly trips the alarm]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, good.
:''[alarm sounds]''
:'''Lucius:''' Oh, now that ain’t right.
:'''Lucius:''' WE LOOK LIKE BAD GUYS! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''INCOMPETENT BAD GUYS!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Bob:''' You can get water out of the air!
:''[A police officer breaks in like '''[[w:Virtua Cop|Virtua Cop]]'''.]''
:'''Police Officer:''' FREEZE! ''[They do]'' ''[Lucius, noticing a water cooler, picks up a paper cup and begins to fill it with water]'' FREEZE!
:'''Lucius:''' I'm thirsty.
:'''Police Officer:''' I SAID &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''FREEZE!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lucius:''' I’m just... getting... a drink. ''[He drinks the water]''
:'''Police Officer:''' Alright. You’ve had your drink.... Now I want you to...
:'''Lucius:''' ''[Holding up hands in mock surrender]'' I know. I know... ''[drops the cup]'' '''Freeze.''' ''[He shoots a breeze of ice, freezing the officer and even the bullet]''
:''[police radio chatter]''
:'''Police Radio:''' Shots fired!
:'''Officers:''' '''POLICE OFFICERS!'''
:''[Drawing their guns, the cops are stopped by a bewildering sight: a recovering heap of rescued fire victims at the base of an enormous hole in the wall. Standing watch over them is the police officer, stunned and blinking under a layer of ice. Bob and Lucius jump into Lucius's car, pulling off their ski masks]''
:'''Lucius:''' That was way too close. We are not doing that again.
:'''Radio voice:''' Verify you wanna switch targets? Over.
:'''Mirage:''' Trust me. This is the one he’s been looking for.
:''[Bob enters quietly through the kitchen, pausing in the kitchen long enough to nab the remaining hunk of chocolate cake. Humming pleasantly as he chews, he moves into the living room when a voice comes out of the dark. Bob freezes. A light snaps on. A chair swivels around- it's Helen, wearing her robe and a peeved expression.]''
:'''Helen:''' ''[angrily]'' I thought you'd be back by 11.
:'''Bob:''' I said I'd be back later.
:'''Helen:''' I assumed you’d be back later. If you came back at all...you’d be &quot;back later&quot;.
:'''Bob:''' Well, I’m back, okay?
:'''Helen:''' ''[noticing a small piece of debris on Bob’s shirt]'' Is this... rubble?
:'''Bob:''' ''[with mouth full]'' It was just a little workout. Just to stay loose.
:'''Helen:''' You know how I feel about that, Bob! Darn you! We can’t blow our cover again!
:'''Bob:''' The building was coming down anyway.
:'''Helen:''' ''[shocked]'' What?! You knocked down a building?!
:'''Bob:''' It was on fire. Structurally unsound. It was coming down anyway.
:'''Helen:''' ''[facepalms]'' Tell me you haven't been listening to the police scanner again.
:'''Bob:''' Look, I performed a public service. You act like that’s a bad thing!
:'''Helen:''' It is a bad thing, Bob! Uprooting our family '''''again''''', so you can relive the glory days is a very bad thing!
:'''Bob:''' Reliving the glory days is better than acting like they didn’t happen!
:'''Helen:''' Yes! They happened! But this, our family, is what’s happening now, Bob. And you are missing this! I can’t believe you don’t wanna go to your own son’s graduation!
:'''Bob:''' It’s not a graduation. He’s moving from the fourth grade to the fifth grade.
:'''Helen:''' It’s a ceremony!
:'''Bob:''' It’s '''''psychotic'''''! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity but if someone is genuinely exceptional, then—
:'''Helen:''' This is not about you, Bob! This is about Dash!
:'''Bob:''' You wanna do something for Dash? Then let him actually compete! Let him go out for sports!
:'''Helen:''' I will not be made the enemy here! You know why we can’t do that!
:'''Bob:''' ''[enraged]'' BECAUSE HE'D BE GREAT!
:''[Helen angrily stretches her neck over Bob's head]''
:'''Helen:''' THIS IS NOT… '''ABOUT'''… &lt;big&gt;'''YOU'''!&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Off-screen, a soft ‘woosh’ is heard in the background. Bob and Helen turn to the couch.]''
:'''Bob:''' All right, Dash. I know you’re listening. Come on out.
:'''Helen:''' Vi? You, too, young lady. ''[Violet materializes]''
:'''Bob:''' Come on. Come on out. It’s okay, kids. We’re just having a discussion.
:'''Violet:''' Pretty ''loud'' discussion.
:'''Bob:''' Yeah. But that’s okay. Because what’s important is that Mommy and I are always a team. We’re always united against, uh, the forces of, uh...
:'''Helen:''' Pigheadedness?
:'''Bob:''' I was gonna say evil or something.
:'''Helen:''' We’re sorry we woke you. Everything’s okay. Go back to bed. It’s late.
:'''Dash:''' Good night, Mom. Night, Dad.
:'''Violet:''' Good night.
:'''Helen:''' In fact, we should '''''all''''' be in bed. ''[walks over to the nearby lamp and turns it off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut to the next day. Bob sits at his tiny desk. One look at his bleary face says it all: he hasn't slept all night. His intercom BEEPS. Bob glares at it a beat, then hits ANSWER.]''
:'''Woman''' ''[on phone]'': Request claim on claim numbers 158183....
:'''Huph:''' &lt;big&gt;'''''HAVEN'T YOU GOT HIM YET, HEY WHERE IS HE?!? PLEASE! RIGHT NOW!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Huph's Secretary:''' ''[over the intercom]'' Mr. Huph would like to talk to you in his office.
:'''Bob:''' Now?
:'''Huph's Secretary:''' '''''Now...'''''
:''[Huph shows up continues to yell indistinctly over the phone. Bob eventually gets up from his cubicle and heads to Huph's Office. Mirage slowly walks over, looks around and leaves something on his desk]''
:''[Cut to the inside of Huph's office. Marginally bigger than Bob's office, with a coveted window to the outside world. Painfully clean and joyless. Every pencil sharpened, every paper perfectly stacked and aligned to run parallel to the edge of the desktop]''
:''[Huph sharpens his pencil and aligns it with the other three]''
:'''Huph:''' Sit down, Bob.
:''[He does, moving the 4th pencil. Huph re-aligns it and starts.]''
:'''Huph:''' ''[seriously]'' I’m not happy, Bob. &lt;big&gt;Not.... happy?!?&lt;/big&gt; ''[He gets up.]'' Ask me why.
:'''Bob:''' Okay. Why?
:'''Huph:''' Why what? Be specific, Bob.
:'''Bob:''' Why are you unhappy?
:'''Huph:''' Your customers make me unhappy.
:'''Bob:''' What, you’ve gotten complaints?
:'''Huph:''' '''''Complaints''''' I can handle. What I can’t handle is your clients’ inexplicable knowledge of Insuricare’s inner workings!! They're experts! '''EXPERTS''', Bob! Exploiting every loophole, dodging every obstacle! They're '''''penetrating the bureaucracy!!'''''
:'''Bob:''' Did I do something illegal?
:'''Huph:''' ''[begrudgingly]'' ...no...
:'''Bob:''' Are you saying we shouldn’t help our customers?
:'''Huph:''' The law requires that I answer no.
:'''Bob:''' We’re supposed to help people!
:'''Huph:''' We're supposed to help '''''&lt;big&gt;&lt;u&gt;OUR&lt;/u&gt; PEOPLE!!&lt;/big&gt;''''' Starting with our stockholders, Bob! Who's helping them out, huh?!
:''[He sighs and regains composure.]''
:'''Huph:''' You know, Bob...
:''[He moves a letter that says:]''
:''[Memo: Policy Notification]''
:''[To: Employee]''
:''[From: Gilbert Huph]''
:''[Due to financial cutbacks, you will be expected to self-expense all office supplies, including but not limited to pencils, erasers, pens, paper, stationery, folders, staples, paper clips, brads, and photocopies. All parking will now be metered by the hour. Electricity consumption and all telephone charges will be deducted from your paycheck.]''
:''[The Board of Directors at Insuricare wishes to thank you for your selfless sacrifice through this time of financial uncertainty. It is because of you, the employee, that Insuricare has recorded its highest profit in years. Remember, a successful company makes for successful employees. Every penny you save is another penny that goes in....'' ''[the rest is covered by Huph's finger]''
:''[Salutations, Gilbert Huph]''
:'''Huph:''' ...a company...
:'''Bob:''' Is like an enormous clock.
:'''Huph:''' ...is like an enormous clo- Yes, precisely! It only works...if all the little cogs...mesh together! Now, a clock needs to be clean, well-lubricated and wound tight. The best clocks have jewel movements, cogs that fit, that cooperate by design. ''[chuckling]'' I’m being metaphorical, Bob....You know what I mean by cooperative cogs? Bob...?...Bob...?
:''[seriously grabs Bob by the chin and angrily pulls him toward him]'' '''''LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU, PARR!'''''
:''[Outside the window, Bob sees a man is being mugged]''
:'''Bob:''' That man out there, he needs help!
:'''Huph:''' Do '''''NOT''''' change the subject, Bob! We’re discussing &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''YOUR! ATTITUDE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Bob:''' He is getting mugged!
:'''Huph:''' Well, let’s hope we don’t cover him!
:'''Bob:''' ''[gets up out of his seat and heads for the door]'' I’ll be right back. ''[puts his hand on the doorknob]''
:'''Huph:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''STOP RIGHT NOW, OR YOU'RE FIRED!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[Bob stops, crushes the doorknob and angrily turns red]'' ''[Huph grins evilly]'' Close the door. ''[Bob reluctantly does]'' Get over here...now. ''[Bob lets go of the doorknob, now crushed out of shape, and walks over to Huph.]'' ''[seriously]'' I’m not happy, Bob. Not happy. ''[Bob watches the mugger getting away]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[seething]'' He got away.
:'''Huph:''' Good thing, too... heh! You were this close to losing your j-
:''[Bob furiously grabs Huph by the throat and throws him through 5 office walls. Huph crashes into a filing cabinet, badly injured. Everyone stares at Bob in shock]''
:'''Bob:''' Uh-oh.
:''[Cut to the hospital where Huph is seen in a full body cast in a hospital room]''
:'''PA:''' Please report to operating room 722 immediately.
:''[Rick Dicker comes out of the room where Huph is hospitalized. Bob and Rick conversate while heading to the elevator.]''
:'''Bob:''' How is he?
:'''Rick:''' He’ll live.
:'''Bob:''' I’m fired, aren’t I?
:'''Rick:''' Oh, you think?
:'''Bob:''' What can I say, Rick?
:'''Rick:''' Nothin' you haven’t said before.
:'''Bob:''' Someone was in trouble.
:'''Rick:''' Someone’s always in trouble.
:'''Bob:''' I had to do something.
:'''Rick:''' Yeah. Every time you say those words, it means a month and a half of trouble for me, Bob. It means hundreds of thousands of taxpayer’s dollars.
:''[Rick reaches and presses the down elevator button.]''
:'''Bob:''' I know.
:'''Rick:''' We gotta pay to keep the company quiet. We gotta pay damages, erase memories, relocate your family. Every time it gets harder. Money, money, money, money, money. W-We can’t keep doin' this, Bob! ''[he enters the elevator]'' We appreciate what you did in the old days, but those days are over. From now on, you're on your own.
:''[Bob stares at the floor, beaten. Rick looks at him with pity. Then as the elevator doors close, Rick stops it with his left arm]''
:'''Rick:''' Uh, listen, Bob.
:'''Rick:''' Maybe I could relocate you. You know, for old times’ sake.
:'''Bob:''' No. I can’t do that to my family. Everyone just got settled. I’ll make it work. Thanks.
:''[Rick stares at Bob a long moment. A bittersweet smile—]''
:'''Rick:''' Take care of yourself.
:''[Rick lets go of the elevator doors. Bob stares at them, numb]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bob climbs out of his car and is surprised to find Rusty on the Big Wheel, waiting in exactly the same spot as the day before]''
:'''Bob:''' Well, what are you waiting for?
:'''Rusty:''' I don’t know...something amazing, I guess....
:''[A rueful smile blooms and dies on Bob's face]''
:'''Bob:''' Me too, kid.
:''[Cut to a cramped, windowless museum of Mr. Incredible arcana. Walls and shelves cluttered with mementos of his storied past: framed photos, newspaper front pages, magazines, and, displayed on the wall under Plexiglas, his Mr. Incredible suit. Bob enters and closes the door. He opens his briefcase, pulls out an Insuricare employee manual. He growls and rips it in half, tossing it in the trashcan. On a roll now, he begins to dump the entire contents of his briefcase into the trash when—CLUNK! Bob double-takes— startled by the heavy sound. He peers over the edge of the desk, into the trash, and sees— a large manila envelope. He picks it up, and is surprised it's heavy. He opens it and pulls out a flat panel about a half-inch thick. On it is printed &quot;This End Up&quot;. He turns the panel as instructed. In the center is a small circle with writing beneath it. Bob squints, unable to read the tiny letters. He brings it closer—his point of view: As the letters... slowly... come... into... focus]''
:'''Bob''': Huh? Hold still?
:''[Suddenly, the panel projects a blue grid over Bob's face, we hear a robotic male voice]''
:'''Tablet''': Match: Mr. Incredible.
:''[Bob drops the panel in surprise. It clatters to the floor, still functioning. A small foot-long rod with the metal ball at the top pops out from the panel, the ball at the tip makes a quick, single revolution, scanning the surrounding room with a vertical beam]''
:'''Tablet''': Room is Secure. Commence Message.
:''[The panel flickers. It's a video screen. An image appears, the beautiful platinum blonde woman who visited earlier that day is seen]''
:'''Mirage:''' Hello, Mr. Incredible. Yes, we know who you are. Rest assured, your secret is safe with us. My name is Mirage. We have somethin' in common. According to the government, neither of us exist. Please pay attention, as this message is classified and will not be repeated.
:''[Bob quickly gets to his pencil case and tries a pencil; one is not working and then he grabs one that works. He starts taking notes on Mirage's message.]''
:'''Mirage:''' I represent a top-secret division of the government, designing and testing experimental technology, and we have need of your unique abilities. Something has happened at our testing facility. A highly experimental attack robot...
:'''Helen:''' ''[interrupting]'' Honey!
:'''Bob:''' Huh? What?
:'''Helen:''' Dinner’s ready!
:'''Bob:''' Okay!
:'''Mirage:''' ...has escaped control. Although it is contained within an isolated area, it threatens to cause incalculable damage to itself and to our facilities, jeopardizing hundreds of millions of dollars' worth of equipment in research...
:'''Helen:''' ''[interrupting]'' Is someone in there?
:'''Bob:''' It’s the TV, trying to watch!
:'''Mirage:''' Because of its highly sensitive nature, this mission does not, nor will it ever, exist.
:'''Helen:''' Well, stop trying. It’s time for dinner!
:'''Bob:''' One minute!
:'''Mirage:''' If you accept, your payment will be triple your current annual salary. ''[Bob's jaw goes slack. He scribbles &quot;BIG$&quot;]'' Call the number on the card. Voice-matching will be used to ensure security. The supers aren’t gone, Mr. Incredible. You’re still here...You can still do great things! Or...you can listen to police scanners. Your choice. You have 24 hours to respond. Think about it.
:''[The device shuts off. Bob realizes what Mirage said....and he looks at his past, knowing that this one chance could bring his glory days back...he then looks at his old suit, with a smile.]''
:''[Beeping, as Mirage's phone number is printed on a holographic card.]''
:'''Tablet:''' This...message...will...self-destruct.
:'''Bob:''' Uh-oh.
:''[He stumbles out of the office in a cloud of smoke. The smoke rises and triggers the fire alarm and sprinkler system. Violet shuts off panel, while Dash expresses joy.]''
:''[Helen is moving the chairs from the table; the front door is open to air out the house. Books of all kinds are on the counter as Bob uses a hair dryer to dry the pages]''
:'''Helen:''' You...are one distracted guy.
:'''Bob:''' Hmm? Am I? I don’t mean to be.
:'''Helen:''' I know you miss being a hero and your job is frustrating. I just want you to know how much it means to me that you stay at it anyway.
:'''Bob:''' Honey? About the job?
:'''Helen:''' What?
:'''Bob:''' Something’s happened.
:'''Helen:''' ''[concerned]'' '''What?'''
:'''Bob:''' The, uh...
:'''Helen:''' '''''What...'''''
:'''Bob:''' The company is sending me to, uh, a conference.
:'''Helen:''' A conference?
:'''Bob:''' ''[stammering]'' Out of town. And I’m just gonna be gone for a few days.
:'''Helen:''' They’ve never sent you to a conference before.... This is good, isn’t it?
:'''Bob:''' ''[hesitating]'' Yes.
:'''Helen:''' You see? They’re finally recognizing your talents.... you’re moving up!
:'''Bob:''' Yes.
:'''Helen:''' Honey! Awww...This is wonderful!
:'''Bob:''' Yes, it is.
:''[calls the number on the card. Mirage's number is shown: 866-787-7476]''
:'''Mirage:''' ''[over phone]'' Hello?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' This is Mr. Incredible....I’m in.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A sleek-looking Manta Jet slices the sky. Bob, clad in his old (and now too-tight) Mr. Incredible suit is on board along with Mirage. She is briefing Bob on his mission.]''
:'''Mirage:''' The Omnidroid 9000 is a top-secret prototype battle robot. Its artificial intelligence enables it to solve any problem it’s confronted with. And unfortunately...
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Let me guess. It got smart enough to wonder why it had to take orders.
:'''Mirage:''' We lost control. And now it’s loose in the jungle, threatening our facility. We’ve had to evacuate all personnel from the island for their own safety.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' How am I going in?
:'''Mirage:''' The Omnidroid’s defenses necessitate an airdrop from 5,000 feet. Its cloaking devices make it difficult to track. Although we’re pretty sure it’s on the southern half of the island. One more thing. Obviously, it represents a significant investment.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You want me to shut it down without completely destroying it.
:'''Mirage:''' You '''''are''''' Mr. Incredible.
:''[Bob is on an advanced seat, he puts his belt on, and the seat shifts into a bed, as it is about to enter a shuttle. However, being out of shape is causing a problem to get him into the shuttle. The soldier then increases the seat power and it successfully gets Mr. Incredible in the shuttle.]''
:'''Mirage:''' I’ve got to warn you, it’s a learning robot. Every moment you spend fighting it only increases its knowledge of how to beat you.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Shut it down. Do it quickly. Don’t destroy it.
:'''Mirage:''' And '''''don’t die.'''''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Great. Thanks.
:''[The shuttle ejects. It rockets down the island. After stopping, it propels with two blades. After a while, it lands. Mr. Incredible tries to get out, but his belly won't let him out. He goes back in and punches the shuttle in half. He flexes and gets ready.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Showtime.
:''[He explores the jungle, prepares to find the Omnidroid.]''
:''[He sees a blade mark on a tree and a cross on the grass. Suddenly, the Omnidroid surprises him from behind, as it tries to impale him unsuccessfully. It slashes a 3rd time, only against a mark on Mr. Incredible's arm. Mr. Incredible leaps over the robot and throws a punch that sends it flying to a tree.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[gruntingly]'' Yeah!
:''[The Omnidroid gets up, and the real fight begins.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Uh-oh.
:''[The Omnidroid charges at him, as he leaps over. The robot unfortunately calculated his leaping arc, and that allowed it to swat him mid-air, slamming Mr. Incredible into another tree that toppled onto the Omnidroid. But the robot rolled out of its way, and reformed. The robot curled up again to crush him, only for Mr. Incredible to dodge it, as it knocks down some trees before charging at him quickly. Mr. Incredible sprints his way off, but he almost gets crushed by the robot as he jumps over a cliff, slides on it, and lands. The Omnidroid arrives at a similar pace, as it receives a boulder from our hero. The Omnidroid does the same 3 times, the latter hitting Mr. Incredible. It almost impales him unsuccessfully. Its claw is lodged in the cliff, as the hero runs for safety. The Omnidroid pulls its limb out of the cliff and leaps high into the air, intent on crushing Mr. Incredible, who leapt out of the way and landed in the lava fields. The Omnidroid lands and makes an attempt to push Mr. Incredible into the lava as he tried to push back. After a few seconds however, he lets out a scream while using his maximum strength and jerk-pulls the robot aside into the lava.]''
:''[Bob laughs in what he thought was his victory, but after trying to spin, his spine cracks.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' AH! Ow, ow, ow! OH, MY BACK!
:''[The Omnidroid suddenly bursts out of the lava through a piece of the stone platform, making it crack. It proceeds to spin its claws, as Mr. Incredible leaps on a chunk of rock. But then the Omnidroid grabs him by his feet with one of its claws and slams him to the ground before grabbing his arms with another. It begins to pull him apart.... until it stops when it accidentally fixes his back.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Oh....Hahaha!
:''[He then jack-knifes, ripping the claw off one of its arms. He runs under the robot, as it uses its lower sensor cluster. Just as it spots its target, he rips it off, and climbs inside the robot, as it unintentionally starts damaging itself. After a while, it stops, weakened. Mr. Incredible punches off its upper sensor cluster, as it whistles while &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;riding&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt; the robot. The robot tries to pull him out, but it accidentally tears out its CPU. Mr. Incredible jumps out of the robot and casually walks away, as the Omnidroid motionlessly falls down.]''
:''[A mecha-macaw observed everything, as it zooms to the screen.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[first words; silhouetted, to Mirage]'' Surprising. We must bring him back. Sound the all-clear, and…invite him to dinner.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Incredible is in a pod, inside the volcano's magma flows. He waits for Mirage in a huge dining room, while peeking to see who the mysterious man was.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[silhouetted]'' Most important, keep things light. Praise him. Make him feel like we appreciate his abilities.
:''[He hides back and pretends to have waited long enough.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Am I overdressed?
:'''Mirage:''' Actually, you look rather dashing.
:''[They head to the dining table and sit.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I take it our host is...
:'''Mirage:''' Oh, I’m sorry. He won’t be dining with us. He hopes you’ll understand.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Of course. I do usually make it a point to know who I’m working for.
:'''Mirage:''' He prefers a certain amount of anonymity. Surely, you of all people understand that.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I was just wondering, of all the places to settle down, why live...
:'''Mirage''': In a volcano? He’s attracted to power. So am I. It’s a weakness we share.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Seems a bit unstable.
:'''Mirage:''' I prefer to think of it as misunderstood.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''' ''[chuckling]:'' Aren’t we all?
:'''Mirage:''' Volcanic soil is among the most fertile on Earth. Everything at the table was grown right here. How does it compare?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Everything’s delicious.
:''[Bob raises his glass. Mirage smiles and does likewise]''
:''[MONTAGE: INCREDIBLE AGAIN — His self-esteem back, Bob returns home with renewed vigor. He bonds with his kids, gets frisky with Helen, and takes pride in his new appearance. He buys a new snazzy sports car for himself, and a new car for Helen. After he says goodbye to Helen several mornings, clearly pretending to go off to the job he no longer holds at Insuricare, we see how he's actually spending his days; dropping weight and getting in shape. The Superheroic workouts do their job; Bob is in the best shape he's been in many years.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bob, now dressed in a more expensive and tailored version of his Insuricare suit, pauses to examine the torn spot on his Mr. Incredible supersuit]''
:'''Bob:''' Ah, jeez.
:'''Helen:''' Hurry, honey! Or you’ll be late for work! ''[Bob quickly stuffs his SUPERSUIT into his briefcase and snaps it shut.]'' Have a great day, honey.
:'''Bob:''' Thanks.
:'''Helen:''' Help customers, climb ladders...
:'''Bob:''' Bring bacon?
:'''Helen:''' All that jazz.
:''[Bob drives away. He pulls up to an imposing gate, a futuristic web of parallel laser beams. He turns toward a video screen and presses a button beneath it. The video screen lights up, revealing a burly guard]''
:'''Guard:''' You have an appointment?
:'''Bob:''' I’m an old friend. I just wanted to...
:'''Guard:''' All visitors are required to make a reser—
:''[The guard suddenly flinches from something below camera, and is shooed offscreen by a strident, husky female voice. A pair of huge glasses fronting the top half of a head rises into the bottom half of the screen, out of focus. This is Edna Mode, known by her friends simply as &quot;E.&quot;]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' ''[shoos the guard away]'' Get back to work! Go check the electric fence or something! What is it? Who are you? What do you want?
:''[Bob lowers his sunglasses]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, you’ve gotten fat. Come in, Come, come!
:''[The gate opens, and Bob drives up the long driveway that winds up the hill to E's tastefully arty palace.]''
:''[E leads Bob through the tasteful, minimalistic entranceway into her massive living room. E is in her early sixties, half German, half Japanese, and like both of those small countries, not to be underestimated.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, things are going quite well. Quite well. My God, no complaints. But, you know, it is not the same. Not the same at all.
:'''Bob:''' Weren’t you just in the news? Some show in Prayge...Prague?
:'''Edna Mode:''' Milan, darling. Milan. Supermodels. Ha! Nothing super about them. Spoiled, stupid, little stick figures with poofy lips who think only about themselves. Feh! I used to design for gods.... but perhaps you come with a challenge, eh? I was surprised to get your call.
:'''Bob:''' E, I just need a patch job.
:''[Bob hands E his damaged suit. She examines it, frowning.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Hmm. This is megamesh. Outmoded, but very sturdy. And you’ve torn '''''right through it'''''! What have you been '''''doing''''', Robert? Moonlighting hero work?
:'''Bob:''' Musta happened a long time ago.
:'''Edna Mode:''' I see. This is a '''''hobo suit''''', darling, you can’t be seen in this! ''[throws it away]'' I won’t allow it! Fifteen years ago, maybe, but now?
:'''Bob:''' ''[takes it out of the garbage]'' What do you mean? You designed it.
:'''Edna Mode:''' I never look back, darling. It distracts from the now. You need a new suit. That much is certain.
:'''Bob:''' A new suit? Where the heck am I gonna get a new suit?
:'''Edna Mode:''' '''''You can't!''''' It’s impossible! I’m far too busy. So ask me now, before I again become sane....
:'''Bob:''' Wait....you want... to make me... a suit?
:'''Edna Mode:''' You push too hard, darling! But I accept. It will be bold. Dramatic!
:'''Bob:''' Yeah.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Heroic!
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, something classic, like Dynaguy! Oh! He had a great look! Oh, the cape and the boots—
:'''Edna Mode:''' No capes! ''[She throws a paper ball at him.]''
:'''Bob:''' Isn’t that '''''my decision'''''?
:''[Unaccustomed to being questioned, E visibly stiffens.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Do you remember... Thunderhead?
:''[FLASHBACK: THUNDERHEAD IN HIS PRIME --beefy and B-movie handsome, decked out in a splendid outfit with elegant floor-length cape.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' ''[voiceover]'' Tall, storm powers. Nice man. Good with kids.
:'''Bob:''' Listen, E...
:'''Edna Mode:''' November 15th of ‘58. ''[RESUME FLASHBACK — A madman aims a missile launcher at a city across a bay. Thunderhead leaps into frame, dispatches him with a single punched and turns the missile towards the open sea. His duty done, he turns and smiles at a young lady standing nearby, failing to notice that his cape has caught on the missile, voiceover, continued]'' All was well, another day saved, when— ''[The rocket blasts into the distance, taking Thunderhead with it, voiceover, continued]'' —his cape snagged on a missile fin. ''[INTERCUT: comically brief FLASHBACKS [as E describes them] of each Super being doomed by his or her cape.]''
:'''Bob:''' Thunderhead was not the brightest bulb...
:'''Edna Mode:''' Stratogale! April 23rd, ‘57. Cape caught in a jet turbine. 
:'''Bob:''' E, you can’t generalize about these things.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Meta-Man, Express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''NO CAPES!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; Now, go on. Your new suit will be finished before your next assignment.
:'''Bob:''' You know I’m retired from hero work.
:'''Edna Mode:''' As am I, Robert. Yet here we are.
:'''Bob:''' E, I only need a patch job. For... sentimental reasons.
:'''Edna Mode:''' ''[she sighs begrudgingly]'' Fine. I will '''''also''''' fix the hobo suit...
:'''Bob:''' You’re the best of the best, E.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, I know, darling. ''[whispering]'' I know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut to Casa de Parr where Helen, in the bedroom, plucks one of Bob's enormous shirts from a stack of freshly cleaned laundry and hangs it up in their closet, when something catches her eye: A long, PLATINUM-BLONDE HAIR (Mirage's) on Bob's suit jacket. Helen plucks it off, examining it. The phone rings. She goes to answer it, hesitating when she hears—]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[off-screen, in his home office]'' I got it, I got it! Don’t answer it, honey, I got it!
:''[Helen frowns. There's something suspicious about Bob's eagerness.]''
:'''Bob:''' Hello?
:'''Mirage:''' ''[from the Nomanisan Control Room]'' We have a new assignment for you.
:''[Helen, in the bedroom, carefully picks up the phone, puts her finger on the switch hook, places a hand over the mouthpiece, and listens in]''
:'''Mirage:''' How soon can you get here?
:'''Bob:''' I’ll leave tomorrow morning.
:'''Mirage:''' See you there.
:'''Bob:''' Goodbye.
:''[Bob hangs up the phone and moves to the door, opening it. Helen is there, blocking the doorway. She forces a smile.]''
:'''Helen:''' Who was that, honey? The, uh, office?
:'''Bob:''' Another conference. Short notice, but you know...duty calls. ''[nervous laugh. Bob squeezes past her and exits. Helen stares into his den, feeling suspicious and impotent.]''
:''[cut to the garage where Bob is seated in his new sports car, its engine purring. He belts himself in. Helen enters, still in her robe.]''
:'''Helen:''' Bob?
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, what’s up, honey?
:'''Helen:''' ''[A storm of conflicting emotions play across her face. But she puts on a happy face and leans down through his open window.]'' Ha....have a great trip.
:'''Bob:''' Thanks, sweetie. I’ll call you when I get there.
:'''Helen:''' I love you... so much.
:''[Something in her voice makes Bob hesitate. He looks back at her, curious]''
:'''Bob:''' I love you too.
:''[He gives her a kiss, then backs out of the driveway, and, with a wave, drives off.]''
:''[Bob is now on Syndrome's Manta Jet. Leaner and meaner in his new supersuit, he dips a fresh shrimp into some cocktail sauce and gazes around the luxurious cabin. He's happy as a clam.]''
:'''Manta Jet Autopilot:''' This is your automated Captain speaking. Would you care for more mimosa?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Don’t mind if I do. Thanks.
:''[His glass disappears into his armrest, instantly replaced by a full glass of mimosa.]''
:'''Manta Jet Autopilot:''' You’re welcome. Currently 78 degrees in Nomanisan. Perfect weather for flying. Please fasten your seatbelt. We’re beginning our descent.
:''[As the jet begins its descent toward the island, we begin to see its spectacular aspects: active volcano, towering snowcapped peak, tumbling waterfalls, futuristic monorail, etc.... a paradise on earth. Suddenly the engines cut off and the jet plunges, nose down, into the sea, converting into a submersible.]''
:''[The jet sub cruises through a fantastic seascape of exotic otherworldly rock formations, toward the base of the island through vast curtains of bubbles created from a field of cooling lava. A massive door opens, revealing a huge underwater docking bay. The ship enters, the entrance closing behind them. The water drains. The jet sub settles to a landing. A giant docking tube extends from a side wall and connects to the side of the jet sub. Bob turns as a door opens, revealing a small side chamber and a pair of shapely legs. Mirage leans into view.]''
:'''Mirage:''' Hello, Mr. Incredible. Nice suit.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Thanks. Nice to be back, Mirage.
:''[Bob enters the monopod. The doors shut and it takes off. The monopod zooms along a track which rises from a tunnel beneath the lagoon and sweeps through the jungle. Although this is his second time here, Bob is seeing the island with new eyes. It is a WONDER. The monopod track disappears straight into a rushing waterfall. Suddenly the waterfall parts, the water separating like an enormously long chiffon curtain, revealing the intricately designed architecture hidden underneath. Continuing as it enters a vertical tube and zooms upward into the dark. Elevator doors slide open crisply. Bob enters and takes in the room. It is small, open and tasteful, with a balcony overlooking a breathtaking view of the jungle and the ocean beyond.]''
:'''Mirage:''' You’ll be briefed on your assignment in the conference room at two. D Wing, room A-113.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' 2:00. Got it.
:'''Mirage:''' See you there.
:''[Mirage leaves. Bob enters, throwing his case on the bed. He grabs a pear from a bowl of fresh fruit and takes a bite. He steps out on his balcony and leans against the railing. He could get used to paradise.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Helen vacuums the hallway next to Bob's office. She vacuums the carpet near the door, hears the vacuum pick up filth and groans before entering the room. She begins to vacuum the office and notices the door displaying Bob's old supersuit is open. She observes the suit and notices a rip in the left arm of the suit has been fixed]''
:'''Helen:''' ''[gasps, realizing who repaired the suit]'' Edna? I'd like to speak with Edna.
:'''Edna Mode:''' This is Edna.
:'''Helen:''' E? This is Helen.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Helen who?
:'''Helen:''' Helen Parr? You know... Elastigirl.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Darling! ''[Helen nearly drops the phone]'' It’s been such a long time after all these years! So long!
:'''Helen:''' Yes, yes, yes. It’s been a while. Listen, there’s only one person Bob would trust to patch his supersuit and that’s you.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, yes, yes. Marvelous, isn’t it? Much better than those horrible pajamas he used to wear. They are finished. When are you coming to see?
:'''Helen:''' Look, I’m calling about...
:'''Edna Mode:''' Don’t make me beg, darling. I won’t do it, you know.
:'''Helen:''' Beg? Uh, no. I’m calling about suit. Ab-about Bob’s suit! I’m calling about Bob’s suit!
:'''Edna Mode:''' You come in one hour, darling. I insist, okay? Okay. Goodbye.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bob enters the conference room. No one is there. He checks the wall clock: two o'clock. He decides to enter and takes a seat at the table. There are some strange, low sounds. Then the far wall slides open, revealing the outdoors and — a bigger, badder Omnidroid.]''
:''[Bob turns to run, but the Omnidroid is fast. It grabs him and flings him into the outside air. Bob sails to the edge of the jungle, landing with a thud. Before he can react, the robot has him again and slams him into the ground. A voice comes over a loudspeaker.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' '''''It’s bigger! It’s badder!'''''
:''[The robot seizes Bob in one giant claw, turning two others into whirling blades. They close in on Bob's neck — when Syndrome descends from the sky on jet-boots, landing on top of the enormous robot]''
:'''Syndrome:''' '''''Ladies and gentlemen, it's... too much for Mr. Incredible!'''''
:''[Syndrome reveals himself.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Whoa, Whoa! Whoa! It’s finally ready! ''[He shuts down the blades of the Omnidroid.]'' You know, I went through quite a few supers to get it worthy to fight you, but man, it wasn’t good enough!! After you trashed the last one, I had to make some major modifications. Sure it was difficult, but you are worth it. I mean, after all... I am your biggest fan.
:''[Bob suddenly recognizes some familiarity with his rejected sidekick]''
:'''Bob:''' Buddy?
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[furiously yells at Mr. Incredible]'' My name is not... &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''BUDDY!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[The Omnidroid throws Bob on the floor. Syndrome lands]'' And it’s not Incrediboy either! That ship has sailed. All I wanted was to help you. I only wanted to HELP! AND WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?! ''[flashback to a shot from the prologue, softened by memory.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Fly home, Buddy. I work alone. ''[Buddy, still in his IncrediBoy costume, but without the mask, glowers up at his poster to Mr. Incredible and tears it  off the wall]''
:'''Syndrome''' ''[as the flashback ends]'': It tore me apart. But I learned an important lesson: You can’t count on anyone. '''Especially''' your heroes.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I was wrong to treat you that way. I’m sorry!
:'''Syndrome:''' See? Now you respect me, because I’m a ''threat''. That’s the way it works. Turns out there’s a lot of people, whole countries who want respect. And they will pay through the nose to get it. How do you think I got rich? I build weapons. And now I have a weapon only I can defeat. And when I unleash it, I’ll get— Ah! ''[Mr. Incredible throws a log at Syndrome, but he dodges it hastily. He gets back up and freezes Mr. Incredible with a zero-point energy beam]'' ''[laughing]'' You sly dog! You got me monologuing! I can’t believe it. ''[He slams Bob into the ground.]'' It’s cool, huh? Zero-point energy. I saved the best powers for myself. ''[He continues throwing Bob around with the ZPE ray.]'' Am I good enough now? Who’s super now? I’m Syndrome! Your nemesis and- ''[He makes a grandiose gesture with his arms, inadvertently flinging Mr. Incredible into the jungle.]'' Oh, brilliant. ''[Bob lands somewhere on a lake. Syndrome spots him and flies towards him. Bob jumps down while Syndrome watches him falling into the bade of a waterfall. He taps a button in his wrist cuff, which activates a tiny bomb.]'' All right, try this one on for size, big boy. ''[He drops it to the base of the waterfall. Bob spots the bomb as he tries to swim away from it, although he is soon caught in the blast. He emerges out of the water, gasping, in a cave system. He turns his head, and leaps back, realizing he is face to face with a skeleton. Slowly, he moves back towards the skeleton, noticing that it has an eye visor and a cape. He rubs some dirt from the emblem over the eyes: the emblem reads &quot;GB&quot;.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Gazerbeam? ''[The skeleton is still sitting up, and Bob is compelled to follow its gaze to the adjacent cave wall. There — presumably in his dying moments, Gazerbeam had burned a word into the rock: &quot;KRONOS&quot;.]'' Kronos? ''[He suddenly hears a probe entering the cave. He hides behind Gazerbeam's skeleton. The probe scans the room, does a quick scan of Gazerbeam's skeleton and leaves. The view cuts to the probe returning to Syndrome's wrist cuff.]''
:'''Probe:''' Life reading negative. Mr. Incredible terminated. ''[Syndrome walks away in a satisfied smile for his plans.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut to Edna's palace; E and Helen are walking down the hallway to her lab]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' This project has completely confiscated my life, darling. Consumed me as only hero work can. My best work, I must admit. Simple, elegant, yet bold. You will die.
:'''Helen:''' E, I just...
:'''Edna Mode:''' I did Robert’s suit, and it turned out so beautiful, I had to continue.
:'''Helen:''' E, it’s great to see you, but I gotta tell you I have no idea what you’re talking about. I just...
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, words are useless. Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble! Too much of it, darling. TOO MUCH! That is why I '''''show you''''' my work. That is why you are here!
:''[She turns to the wall and rapidly executes an elaborate series of security measures; punches a fifteen-digit code with her left hand, while pressing her right hand against a biometric scanner. It flashes, as she exposes her eyes to a retinal scan which causes a microphone to extend from the wall to her lips]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Edna Mode. ''[In a flash: a ceiling panel opens, and out pops an enormous gun, which trains its sights on Helen. E sees this, turns back to the microphone, adding hastily]'' And guest. ''[The weapons retreat]''
:''[The gun retreats into the ceiling. The wall in front of them opens dramatically, revealing Edna's testing lab. A large, ultra-sophisticated work area, dedicated to the design, fabrication, and testing of superhero suits. E crosses to a large, raised platform mounted to a track running parallel to a glassed-in chamber, and sits in one of the two chairs facing it. Between the chairs is a small table with a fresh pot of coffee and assorted cookies. E motions Helen to join her]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Come. Sit. Cream and sugar?
:''[Hands Helen the cup of coffee]''
:'''Helen:''' Thanks.
:'''Edna Mode:''' I started with the baby.
:'''Helen:''' '''''Started?'''''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Shh! Darling! Shh! ''[Inside the chamber, a panel opens. A small, featureless baby mannequin in a tiny red suit (sporting the same &quot;i&quot; insignia as Bob's) mounted to a post emerges, tracking slowly from one end of the chamber to the other.]'' I cut it a little roomy for the free movement. The fabric is comfortable for sensitive skin ''[Helen jumps back as E continues talking. Flamethrowers throw fire at the suit without leaving burn marks]'' and can also withstand a temperature of over 1000 degrees. Completely bulletproof. ''[machine guns train on the suit and empty rounds into it without causing any damage]'' And machine washable, darling. That’s a new feature.
:'''Helen:''' What '''''on Earth''''' do you think the baby will be doing??
:'''Edna Mode:''' Well, I’m sure I '''''don’t know''''', darling. Luck favors the prepared. I didn’t know the baby’s powers, so I covered the basics.
:'''Helen:''' Jack-Jack doesn’t have any powers.
:'''Edna Mode:''' No? Well, he’ll look fabulous anyway.
:''[As the baby suit exits one end, the panel reopens on the other side. Another mannequin Dash's size swings into the smoky chamber; its arms and legs slowly churning in a &quot;running&quot; motion which gradually accelerates into a blur.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Your boy’s suit I designed to withstand enormous friction without heating up or wearing out. A useful feature. ''[The Dash suit departs into the wall as a new suit enters. It's Violet's.]'' Your daughter’s suit was tricky. But I finally created a sturdy material that will disappear completely as she does. ''[it briefly disappears and then reappears. Helen's suit moves into view. Robot arms enter from above and below, clamp to the sleeves of the arms and pants, and begin to pull them while twisting them]'' Your suit can stretch as far as you can, without injuring yourself, ''[the suit gets stretched]'' and still retain its shape. Virtually indestructible... ''[two missiles fire at the suit, but the suit sustains no damage]'' yet it breathes like Egyptian cotton. As an extra feature, each suit contains a homing device, giving you the precise global location of the wearer at the touch of a button. ''[hands Helen one, showing the tracking location of one of the suits, specifically Bob's]'' Well, darling? What do you think?
:'''Helen:''' What do I think? '''''Bob''''' is retired! '''''I’m''''' retired! Our family is underground. You helped my husband resume secret hero work behind my back?!
:'''Edna Mode:''' Well, I assumed you '''''knew''''', darling. Why would he keep secrets from '''''you'''''?
:'''Helen:''' He wouldn’t. Didn’t. Doesn’t.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Men at Robert’s age are often unstable. Prone to weakness.
:'''Helen:''' What are you saying?
:'''Edna Mode:''' Do you know where he is?
:'''Helen:''' Of....cours-
:'''Edna Mode:''' Do you '''''know'''''.... where he is?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Back in Nomanisan, Bob is hiding in brush at the top of a cliff. Along the waterline far below, a monopod streaks toward him along a track which curves around the coastline. Bob crouches... and dives — we fall with him, whistling through the air until we hit a palm tree. The palm bends, slowing Bob's drop before he expertly releases it and drops into another palm directly below it. Bob leaps onto the roof of the pod, quickly dispatching the guards inside, tossing them into the ocean. Bob seats himself at the controls, as the pod races toward Syndrome's base and a security checkpoint. Two guards look up as they hear the monopod approach. A sparking wheel carriage arrives at the gate, its cab completely torn off and missing. Suddenly alert, the guards cock their guns and aim into the dark. We hear a distant grunt. A moment later the cab falls from the sky, crashing on top of the guards. Bob runs through the wrecked gate, toward the base. Bob pulls up behind some trees. There are several guards; two at the vehicle entrance, another at the balcony above. Bob thinks a bit, looks down and finds a coconut. With expert precision, he throws it at the balcony guard, beaning him. He falls off the balcony and hits the ground.]''
:''[voice on radio]''
:'''Guard 1:''' Hey, hey. We got a man down!
:'''Guard 2:''' Come on, let’s go.
:'''Guard 2:''' Are you okay? What happened?
:''[over radio]'' Break surveillance and engage. Continuing sweep...
:''[The other guards rush to help him, leaving their post. Bob runs up to the vehicle entrance — it's locked tight. Bob sees shadows of guards approaching, he's out in the open and about to be caught when — the door suddenly sweeps up and opens, taking Bob with it. A medical transport comes out of the open bay, and as the door moves closed behind it, we see Bob drop into the garage. Elevator. Bob emerges in the dining hall and stares at the lava fall. He knows there is a secret passage behind it. He picks up a large stone sculpture in the shape of a Moai head and readies to run into the lava fall. One... two... thr— Bob is startled by a flash of light behind the fall; the passage is opening. He loses his balance, struggling to set the massive sculpture back into place before Mirage enters. Bob rushes into the closing passage. Jumps clear just as passage closes. A series of parallel floor lights click on. Bob follows them to an elaborate chair in the center of the room, lit from above. Bob sits down in the chair. A giant. curved screen lights up in front of him, with a blinking cursor in its center. Bob types in &quot;KRONOS&quot;. The computer screen refreshes: Bob is in.]''
:''[Switch back to Helen and E]''
:'''Woman:''' ''[over phone]'' Insuricare.
:'''Helen:''' Oh, hello. This is Helen Parr. Bob Parr is my husband. I was wondering if you could give me the number of the hotel he’s staying at. The number I have is, uh, no good.
:'''Woman:''' Mr. Parr no longer works at Insuricare.
:'''Helen:''' ''[confused]'' What do you mean? He’s on a business trip. A company retreat.
:'''Woman:''' My records say his employment was terminated almost two months ago.
:''[Switch back to Bob. After apparently searching one of the information sectors, he proceeds to go to the &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;Supers&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt; sector. He presses &quot;return&quot;, and it's a slideshow of the superheroes and the older Omnidroids.]''
:''[The sequence is as follows:]''
:''[Universal Man - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X1]''
:''[Psycwave - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X1]''
:''[Everseer - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X1]''
:''[Macroburst - Terminated Omnidroid v.X1]''
:''[Macroburst - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X2]''
:''[Phylangue - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X2]''
:''[Blazestone - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X2]''
:''[Switch back to Helen and E. Helen's call ends, as she worries for Bob.]''
:''[Switch back again to Bob in the Computer room. The sequence continues.]''
:''[Downburst - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X3]''
:''[Hyper Shock - Terminated Omnidroid v.X3]''
:''[Hyper Shock - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Apogee - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Unknown Super - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Blitzerman - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Tradewind - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Vectress - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Unknown Super - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Gazerbeam - Terminated Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Gazerbeam - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X5]''
:''[Stormicide - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X5]''
:''[Gamma Jack - Terminated Omnidroid v.X5]''
:''[Gamma Jack - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X6]''
:''[Unknown Super - Terminated Omnidroid v.X6]''
:''[Switch back to Helen and E.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' So, you don’t know where he is.
:''[She shows a tracking device to Helen.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Would you like to find out...?
:''[Switch back to Bob; the sequence has ended.]''
:''[He types &quot;Elastigirl&quot; into the search engine and the screen displays her location as &quot;UNKNOWN&quot;. He gives a relieved sigh. Helen reluctantly takes the homing locator from E and stares at it; not sure she wants to know what it may tell her. He then types &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;Frozone&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt; into the search engine and the screen displays his location as &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;KNOWN&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;. Shortly after, he types himself on the search engine. The screen displays him as &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;TERMINATED&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt; by the Omnidroid v.X9. Cut back to E and Helen. E gives the tracker device to Helen. Cut back to Mr. Incredible in the Computer Room. He is now looking at Syndrome's master plan, which seems to indicate unleashing the Omnidroid on Municiberg, and then Operation Kronos's sequence begins. It shows the Omnidroid v.10. Then, Mr. Incredible goes through the phases]''
:''[First Phase: Secure the Omnidroid into a Rocketship.]''
:''[Second Phase: Launch the Rocket towards Metroville.]''
:''[Third Phase: Destroy the city with the robot deployed.]''
:''[The countdown begins, showing 8 hours, 10 minutes and 39 seconds until the Omnidroid is launched. Mr. Incredible retreats. Cut Back to Helen. Helen presses the locator button on the homing tracker. On the viewscreen, the locator isolates a remote island. As the dot over the &quot;i&quot; on his chest-logo lights up. We hear a beeping noise. Mr. Incredible looks down in surprise. An alarm sounds as the room is awash in bright light. Unwittingly, Helen has exposed him. Mr. Incredible races for the exit but is hit by sticky, expanding and pressure absorbent orbs fired from guns lining the walls, which inflate, quickly making it impossible to run. Mr. Incredible falls to the floor, swallowed up by the expanding goo. From his POV: The expanding goo-balls fill up the POV but not before Bob makes out the recognizable figure approaching him: Mirage. Cut back to E and Helen in her kitchen. Coffee has been made and partially consumed. The morning paper, still rolled, rests on the table. Helen, eyes reddened from crying, blows her nose into a wadded length of toilet paper handed to her by a mildly disgusted E.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helen:''' Oh, I am such an idiot. I let this happen, you know. The new sports car, the getting in shape, the blond hair, the lies...
:'''Edna Mode:''' ''[coldly]'' Yes, he attempts to relive the past. ''[she uses the rolled-up newspaper to sweep Helen’s used tissues into a square hole in the island which incinerates them]''
:'''Helen:''' Now I'm losing him! ''[crying]'' What'll I do?
:'''Edna Mode:''' '''''What are you talking about?'''''
:'''Helen:''' ''[Stops sobbing; looks at E]'' Hmm?
:'''Edna Mode:''' You are Elastigirl! My God, '''''pull...yourself...together'''''! ''[whacks Helen with the rolled-up newspaper]'' What will you do? Is this a question?! You will show him you remember that '''''he''''' is Mr. Incredible, and you will '''''remind him''''' who '''''you are!''''' Well, you know where he is. Go, confront the problem, fight, '''WIN!''' ''[there's no pauses]'' And call me when you get back, darling, I enjoy our visits.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Helen is at home, talking with Violet while walking down the hallway to her bedroom]''
:'''Helen:''' There’s lots of leftovers that you can reheat. Make sure Dash does his homework. And both of you, get to bed '''''on time'''''. I should be back tonight. Late. You can be in charge that long, can’t you?
:'''Violet:''' Yeah. But why am I in charge again?
:'''Helen:''' Nothing. Just a little trouble with Daddy.
:'''Violet:''' You mean Dad’s '''''in trouble''''', or Dad '''''is the trouble'''''?
:'''Helen:''' I mean either he’s '''''in trouble''''', or he’s '''''going to be'''''.
:''[Helen goes into her room to pack. Then, she sees Dash. Not wanting him to see the super suits, she shuts the door, then Dash runs to the window and Helen closes the curtains, then he runs to the other window and then Helen closes the curtains.]''
:'''Dash:''' Hey! What’s that? Where’d you get that, Mom? You made a cool outfit? Hey, are those for us? We all get cool outfits? Ha-ha!
:'''Helen:''' Dash! You come back here this moment!
:''[phone rings]''
:'''Helen:''' Hey, Snug. Thanks for getting back. I know this is short notice, but I was hoping that I could get you to...
:'''Violet:''' What are these? ''[Holds up a red costume, similar to Bob's new super suit]''
:''[Helen takes the suit from Violet]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[Dressed in one of the suits and looking at himself in the mirror]'' Look, I’m The Dash! The Dash likes!
:'''Helen:''' Just a second. ''[to Dash]'' Take that off before somebody sees you.
:'''Violet:''' But you’re packing one just like it. Are you hiding something?
:'''Helen:''' Oh, please, honey. I’m on the phone...
:'''Dash:''' ''[snags one of the suits]'' Yikes!
:'''Helen:''' Dash!
:'''Dash:''' ''[Handing a suit to Violet]'' Yikes! This is yours. It’s specially made.
:'''Violet:''' What’s going on?
:'''Helen:''' ''[Shoving both kids out of the bedroom]'' '''You’re not coming! And I’ve gotta pack!'''
:'''Violet:''' So, what makes you think it’s special?
:'''Dash:''' I dunno. Why’d Mom try to '''''hide it'''''?
:''[Violet makes her arm vanish. She touches the suit and the suit vanishes. She gasps.]''
:'''Helen:''' Snug, I’m calling in a solid ya owe me.
:'''Snug''' ''[over phone]'': What do you need?
:'''Helen:''' A jet. What do ya got that’s fast? ''[looking at a picture of her and Snug]''
:'''Snug''' ''[over phone]'': Let me think...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The jet soars through the golden late-afternoon sky. Helen pilots the jet as she speaks into her headset.]''
:'''Helen:''' Island approach. India Golf Niner-Niner checking in. VFR on top. Over.
:''[No response. Helen checks the instruments, confirms her course. She tries again.]''
:'''Helen:''' Island tower, this is India Golf Niner-Niner requesting vectors to the initial. Over.
:''[radio static]''
:'''Helen''': Hmm.
:''[An old sensation begins to creep into Helen's thoughts: danger. She grabs her duffel bag and zips it open, exposing the supersuit E made for her. She stares at it.]''
:'''Helen:''' Easy, Helen. Easy. easy, girl. You're overreacting. Everything's fine. They're just — all getting coffee at...the same time. Yeah. ''[Helen mulls the explanation and decides it's ridiculous. She flips a switch — putting the jet on autopilot, grabs her suit and goes into the lavatory.]''
:''[The scene cuts to Bob being held in a containment unit by his limbs. Syndrome walks towards him.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' You, sir.... truly '''''are''''' Mr. Incredible. You know, I was right to idolize you. I... I-I always knew you were tough, but tricking the probe by hiding under the bones of another super? Oh, man! I’m still geekin' out about it! ''[sighs]'' And then you had to just.... '''''ruin the ride'''''. I mean, Mr. Incredible calling for help? ''[mocking]'' Help me, help me. Help! ''Lame...lame...lame,'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''LAME, LAME!! ALL RIGHT, WHO DID YOU CONTACT?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &quot;Contact&quot;? What are you talkin' about?
:''[Syndrome has a guard shock him]''
:'''Syndrome:''' I am referring to last night at 23:07 hours while you were '''''snooping around.''''' You sent out a homing signal.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I didn’t '''''know''''' about the '''''homing device'''''.
:''[The guard turns up the juice. Bob screams in agony.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' And now a government '''''plane''''' is requesting permission to land here. '''''Who did you contact?!'''''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I didn’t send for a....a plane.
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[to Mirage]'' Play the transmission! ''[Mirage hits the spacebar on the keyboard which activates the transmission]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[via transmission]'' India golf Niner-Niner checking in. VFR on top. Over.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Helen...!
:'''Syndrome:''' So you '''''do''''' know these people. Well, then, I’ll...send them a little greeting. ''[pushes a button deploying missiles]''
:''[Elastigirl emerges from the lavatory dressed in her super suit. She throws her duffel bag roughly at an apparently empty passenger seat]''
:'''Violet:''' Ow!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Violet!
:'''Violet:''' ''[as she materializes]'' It’s not my fault! Dash started it! He could have ran away, and I knew I’d get blamed for it--
:'''Dash:''' That’s not true!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Dash?!
:'''Violet and Dash:''' ...and I thought he'd try to sneak on the plane so I came here and you closed the doors before I could find him and then you took off '''''and it's not my fault!''''' You said, &quot;Something's up with Mom. We have to find out what!&quot; It was your idea! Your idea! Hundred percent all-yours, all-the-time idea!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Wait a minute, wait a minute. You left Jack-Jack '''''alone?!'''''
:'''Violet and Dash:''' Yes, mom, I’m completely stupid...of course we got a sitter! Do you think I’m totally irresponsible? Thanks a lot! / No, we got someone, Mom. Someone great. We wouldn’t do that.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' All right! Well, who’d ya get?
:''[cut to Casa de Parr, where Kari is on the phone and Jack-Jack is in his hi-chair]''
:'''Kari:''' You don’t have to worry about one single thing, Mrs. Parr. I’ve got this baby-sitting thing wired. I’ve taken courses and learned CPR and I got excellent marks and certificates...
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Kari.
:'''Kari:''' I also brought Mozart to play while he sleeps to make him smarter because leading experts say Mozart makes babies smarter.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''Kari...'''''
:'''Kari:''' And the beauty part is that the babies don’t even have to listen ‘cause they’re asleep! You know, I wish my parents played Mozart when I slept because half the time, I don’t even know what the heck anyone’s talking about.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Kari, I really don’t feel comfortable with this. I’ll pay you for your trouble, but I’d really rather call a service.
:'''Kari:''' Oh, there’s really no need, Mrs. Parr. I can totally handle anything this baby can dish out. ''[cooing]'' Can’t I, little baby? I can handle it. Who can handle it?
:''[Helen looks at the plane radar and sees several missiles headed towards the plane.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' India Golf Niner-Niner transmitting in the blind guard. Disengage! Repeat, disengage!
:''[The &quot;fasten seat belts&quot; sign above Dash and Violet lights up. They exchange glances, reach for their seat belts. The jet suddenly dives, throwing them into the ceiling.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Disengage! Repeat, disengage! Friendlies...
:''[cut back to the containment unit]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No! Call off the missiles. I'll do anything.
:'''Syndrome:''' Too late. ''[he shrugs]'' ''Fifteen years too late.''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Friendlies at two-zero miles south-southwest of your position. Angels 10. Track east. Disengage, over! ''[to Violet]'' '''Vi!''' You have to put a force field around the plane!
:'''Violet:''' But you said we weren't supposed to use our powers!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''I know what I said! Listen to what I'm saying now!''''' ''[on headset]'' Disengage. Repeat, disengage!
:''[Dash looks outside to see the missiles.]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[fearfully]'' Mom?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''Violet!''''' ''[Violet gets startled; via headset]'' Mayday, mayday! India Golf Niner-Niner is buddy-spiked! Abort, abort! There are children aboard, ''[heard through intercom]'' Say again, there are children aboard the plane.
:''[cut back to containment unit]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Put a field around us &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''NOW!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Violet:''' I've never done one that big!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Violet, '''do it now!''' Abort, abort, abort! ''[via headset]'' Abort, abort, abort! ''[Violet weakly tries to create a force field in a short period of time]'' Abort, abort, abort! ''[She tries again unsuccessfully, then Helen rushes to protect her children from the explosion]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Abort, abort, abort!
:''[The plane explodes, and Helen wraps around Violet and Dash. The three begin falling towards the ocean. Helen’s unconscious while Dash and Violet are screaming. Helen then wakes up to see her kids falling next to her. She grabs them and makes a parachute.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Brace yourselves!
:''[They land safely in the water. Helen emerges to see the two kids treading water.]''
:'''Violet and Dash:''' Mom! Mom!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Everybody calm down. Now, I’ll tell you what we’re not gonna do. We’re not gonna panic, we’re not gonna--'''LOOK OUT!!!'''
:''[A turbine hits about 10 meters away from where the three are. Helen pushes Dash and Violet underwater. Dash and Violet swim back to the surface and Helen watches the missile hit the bottom and explode before swimming back up.]''
:'''Dash and Violet:''' Oh, my goodness! Whose idea was this anyway?!/What are we gonna do?! What are we gonna do?!
:'''Dash:''' We’re dead! We’re dead!
:'''Violet:''' It blew up!
:'''Dash:''' We survived but we’re dead!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[splashes Violet and Dash with ocean water]'' HEY, STOP IT! &lt;big&gt;'''''We are NOT gonna die! Now BOTH of you will GET A GRIP. Or SO help me I will GROUND you for a month! UNDERSTAND!?'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Back to the interrogation room.]''
:'''Mirage:''' We have a confirmed hit. Target...was destroyed.
:'''Syndrome:''' Ah, you’ll get over it. I seem to recall you preferred to...'''''work...alone...?'''''
:''[Syndrome laughs evilly as he walks away. But unbeknownst to him, Bob grows absolutely livid.]''
:''[Mirage gasps, and with quick thinking she pushes Syndrome out of the way as Bob suddenly grabs her. Syndrome quickly stands up.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;'''RELEASE ME.'''&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''NOW!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Syndrome:''' ''Or'' '''''what'''?''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’ll '''crush''' her.
:'''Syndrome:''' Ooh, that sounds a little dark for you. Nah, go ahead.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[as Mirage gasps and he presses her harder]'' ''It’ll be easy''...'''''like breaking a toothpick!'''''
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[chuckles]'' '''Show me.'''
:''[As Syndrome amusedly waits, Bob slowly loses his will. Then, he sighs...]''
:''[...and releases Mirage, as she falls to the floor and looks shocked to Syndrome.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' I knew you couldn’t do it, even when you have nothing to lose. You’re ''weak!''
:''[He and Mirage sullenly head out.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' And I’ve outgrown you.
:''[As Mirage looks to Bob one more time with a worried expression, she leaves with Syndrome as Bob starts crying, thinking that he lost his family.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Those were short-range missiles. Land-based. That way is our best bet.
:'''Dash''': You wanna go '''''toward''''' the people that tried to kill us?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' If it means land, yes.
:'''Violet:''' Do you expect us to swim there?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl)''': I expect you to trust me.
:''[Dash is hastily pushing Helen morphed into a boat, as Violet sits on her.]''
:''[The three make it to shore. It is now night]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' What a trooper. I’m so proud of you.
:'''Dash:''' Thanks, mom.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut to &quot;cave&quot;]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I think... your father is in trouble.
:'''Violet:''' If you haven’t noticed, Mom, we’re not doin' so hot either.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I’m going to look for him. And that means you’re in charge until I get back, Violet.
:'''Dash:''' What?!
:'''Violet:''' '''''You heard her.'''''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Put these on. ''[Gives them masks]'' Your identity is your most valuable possession. Protect it. And if anything goes wrong, use your powers.
:'''Violet:''' But you said never to use...
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I KNOW WHAT I SAID! ''[calms down and sighs]'' Remember the bad guys on those shows you used to watch on Saturday mornings? Well, these guys are not like those guys. They won’t exercise restraint because you’re children. They will kill you if they get the chance. Do not give them that chance.
:'''Violet:''' Mom?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Vi, I’m counting on you.
:'''Violet:''' There’s something I...
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I’m counting on you. Be strong. Dash, if anything goes wrong, I want you to run as fast as you can.
:'''Dash:''' As fast as I can?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' As fast as you can. Stay hidden. Keep each other safe. I’ll be back by morning.
:'''Violet:''' Mom! Mom, what happened on the plane. I’m sorry. ''[stammering]'' I wanted to help. I mean, when you asked me to... I’m sorry.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Shh. It isn’t your fault. It wasn’t fair for me to suddenly ask so much of you. But things are different now. And doubt is a luxury we can’t afford anymore, sweetie. You have more power than you realize. Don’t think. And don’t worry. If the time comes, you’ll know what to do. It’s in your blood.
:''[Helen gives Violet a firm nod and disappears into the night. Violet looks down at the mask in her hands and then puts it on.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lost in thought, Syndrome stares down at the massive rocket in the center of the volcano, poised to launch.]''
:'''Mirage:''' He’s not weak, you know.
:'''Syndrome:''' What?
:'''Mirage:''' Valuing life is not weakness.
:''[Syndrome crosses to her, casually dismissive.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Oh, hey. Look, look... if you’re talking about what happened in the containment unit, I had everything under control.
:'''Mirage:''' And disregarding it is ''not'' strength.
:''[Syndrome sidles up behind her, lifts her chin with a gentle hand and draws her face toward his]''
:'''Syndrome:''' I called his bluff, sweetheart, that’s all. I knew he wouldn’t have it in him to actually...
:''[Mirage shoves his hand aside and rises to confront him.]''
:'''Mirage:''' Next time you gamble, ''bet your own life''!
:''[She exits, leaving Syndrome befuddled and alone.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Helen enters a clearing and looks up. A monorail track soars high above the jungle floor. A monopod is coming. Helen throws her hands high, stretching them up to the pod passing overhead. It yanks her offscreen. Moving through the trees — Helen hangs suspended beneath the pod on long arms, alternating hands to swing around the support columns. Gaining momentum with each swing, she throws her body above the roof of the pod, landing expertly on top.]''
:ON TOP OF THE POD
:''[Helen squints into the rushing wind, sees the track slicing through the dense jungle canopy and leading directly into the base of the towering volcano. A familiar hum causes her to hide, and she slips down one side of the pod, out of view, as two Hoverjets buzz by. Helen watches the jets descend to a landing strip inside the Volcano just as the pod plunges into a tunnel and—]''
:INSIDE THE TUNNEL - MOVING WITH HELEN ON THE POD
:''[Darkness. Suddenly an opening in the tunnel rushes by, and Helen catches a glimpse of the rocket... and whoosh — the pod is back in the tunnel. Helen stretches her torso out like a sail. It catches wind and she releases from the pod, reforms and drops to the tracks with catlike grace.]''
:INSIDE THE BASE - TUNNEL ENTRANCE
:''[Helen peeks out of the tunnel, looks out at the heavily guarded launch pad.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' A rocket?
:''[Two armed guards march past. Unseen above them, Helen is stretched thin and hiding between a cluster of pipes which run down the center of the corridor. She watches as the guards exit through a sliding door. She drops like a liquid cat to the floor and begins to move down the corridor. As Helen passes a metal door, she catches sight of her reflection in its shiny surface. She stops, and frowns. It's been a while since her last supersuit; her butt is a bit bigger than she remembered. She wonders if she should lose a few — when the whoosh of a door surprises her. A guard comes through the door at the far end of the hall. As he enters another junction, we see that Helen has contorted herself, arching perfectly around the door frame. The guard doesn't see her. He slides a card key through a reader to enter a restricted corridor. The doors whoosh open. Directly behind him, Helen silently re-forms and begins to back through the doorway when the doors behind her slide shut — trapping her leg. She winces, tries in vain to pull it free. It's stuck. Leaving one hope — the card key on Guard #1's belt. Stretching across the corridor, Helen clambers after the guard on the palms of her hands, following him into the—]''
:INNER CHAMBER
:''[The guard stops at the elevator and presses the call button, his back to Helen. Just behind him, stretched far and held upright on one hand, Helen reaches with the other for the card key. She almost has it—]''
:AT THE CORRIDOR
:''[The door suddenly closes on her stretched torso. Her upper third snaps back, her middle third trapped and now stretched across—]''
:HALLWAY - CENTRAL CORE
:''[Two more guards (#2 &amp; #3) are traveling in a transport. They are suddenly clotheslined by Helen's stretched torso.]''
:INNER CHAMBER
:''[—knocking the wind out of Helen. Directly in front of her at the far end of the hall, the elevator opens for guard #1; revealing Guard #4 inside. He sees Helen.''
:'''Guard:''' Hey!
:''[Helen's arm stretches forward—]''
:INNER CHAMBER - INSIDE ELEVATOR
:''[In a blink: her fist clocks guard #4, disarms guard #1 hitting him with the butt of his gun. As guard #4 drops to the floor, #1 hits the &quot;close&quot; button on the panel. The doors close on Helen's arm. Guard #1 grins. Helen's hand feels around, finds guard #1, his chest, chin, face and — coldcocks him. He drops.]''
:RESUME MIDDLE CORRIDOR
:''[The torso guards (#2 &amp; #3) get to their feet, and see Helen, her arm still stretched, through the glass door. They level their guns at her. At the same moment—]''
:BLUE CORRIDOR
:''[Another guard (#5) comes upon Helen's leg in the closed doors. The sight is so odd, he can only stare. He decides to poke the leg with the barrel of his machine gun as she reacts to the poke. She scowls.]''
:RESUME BLUE CORRIDOR
:''[her leg cocks back and fishtail-kicks guard #5. He flies backwards, his weapon discharging into the card scanner. The door opens — freeing Helen's legs, which sail across the corridor and — smash the torso guards (#2 &amp; #3) against the middle door. They slide down into a heap — out cold.]''
:INSIDE ELEVATOR
:''[Helen's arm finds one of the guards' card key, slides it into the door scanner. The doors open, releasing her torso.]''
:ACCESS CORRIDOR
:''[Helen drags the last of the unconscious guards over to an open wall panel and stuffs him inside with the others. She throws her weight against the panel, finally getting it shut.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dash watches as Violet practices intently. She releases the force field sphere; the dark smoke ball rises upwards. Vi throws another force field, recapturing the smoke at the roof of the cave. Dash gets to his feet, grabs a burning branch from the fire to use as a torch.]''
:'''Dash:''' Well, not that this isn’t fun, but I’m gonna go look around.
:'''Violet:''' What do you think is going on here? You think we’re on vacation or something? Mom and Dad’s lives could be in jeopardy. Or worse, ''[whispering]'' their marriage.
:'''Dash:''' Their marriage? So, the bad guys are trying to wreck Mom and Dad’s marriage.
:'''Violet:''' Oh, forget it. You’re so immature.
:'''Dash:''' Okay, I’m gonna go look around.
:'''Violet:''' Mom said to stay hidden.
:'''Dash:''' I’m not gonna leave the cave. Sheesh!
:''[Ground control technicians watch from the observation window as a giant metal sphere, a massive version of the dreaded Omnidroid — is carefully guided into place inside the top stage of the rocket. The rocket's nose cone is lowered over the Omnidroid and secured into place. The cylindrical blast shield closes around the rocket.]''
:''[voices over radio]''
:''[Lighting his way with a burning branch, Dash explores the depths of the &quot;cave&quot;. Suddenly the floor becomes smooth. Dash looks down, then holds his torch up. He's inside an enormous man-made tunnel]''
:'''Dash:''' Cool... ''[His voice echoes a bit. Dash brightens. He calls again, louder this time.]''
:'''Dash:''' '''COOL!''' ''[His voice echoes again]'' Cool! Cool! Cool!
:''[Syndrome shoves a Pass Key into the control board, gives the key a twist, then presses the &quot;launch&quot; button.]''
:''[over radio]'' Roger. We are ready for launch.
:''[The rocket's engines fire. The sound is deafening as the rocket's massive weight slowly lifts into the air. A low rumble and a subtle push of warm wind emanate from the depths of the tunnel, which begins to glow. Dash's smile drops as he realizes it's an enormous fireball rocketing towards him. He turns and runs.]''
:''[Violet is still practicing force fields when the depths of the tunnel begin to rumble and glow. She looks up.]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[off-screen]'' Vi!!! Vi Vi Vi Vi Vi!!!
:'''Violet:''' '''''What did you do'''?''
:''[It is revealed that the &quot;cave&quot; is actually the exhaust outlet for the volcano. Dash and Violet race out of the &quot;cave&quot;, getting clear just as an enormous wall of flames erupts after them. They look down with a shudder at how close they came. A roar behind them causes them to turn — a rocket emerges from the center of the volcano, and soars into the night sky. It contains the Omnidroid Syndrome plans to unleash on Municiberg]''
:CONTROL ROOM - DETENTION BLOCK
:''[Helen looks down from some vents in the ceiling. Silently she stretches her neck until her head dangles down behind the guards.]''
:''[Her POV: Helen scans the detention grid and notices a tremendous spike of power to restrain the prisoner in cell 13, Block A1.]''
:''[over radio]'': ETA two-niner. Over. TCI clear. Condition yellow. Status norm.
:''[over radio]'': Not responding to IFF. IRCM reads negative.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[gasps]'' Bob.
:''[Helen quickly pulls her head back up through the vent in the ceiling and exits.]''
:'''Guard #1:''' Huh? What?
:'''Guard #2:''' Uh, I didn’t say anything.
:''[The final stage of the Omnidroid's capsule separates. The Omni ship begins to descend below the cloud layer, toward the city.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[It is the following morning. Dash awakens, discovering to his horror that he's curled up with Violet. Repulsed, he jumps up and shudders. The Mecha-macaw (a similar one like the one that observed Mr. Incredible fight the first Omnidroid) spots Dash and Violet]''
:'''Mecha-macaw:''' Identification, please.
:'''Dash:''' Hey! Hey, Violet! Come here, look.
:'''Violet:''' What?
:'''Dash:''' It talks!
:'''Violet:''' What?
:'''Dash:''' ''[pointing to the mecha-macaw]'' There. That one.
:'''Mecha-macaw:''' Voice key incorrect.
:'''Violet:''' Voice key?
:'''Mecha-macaw:''' Voice key incorrect.
:'''Violet:''' ''[realizing that something is wrong]'' Wait a second...
:''[The bird's head slowly swivels toward the kids with a soft computing sound. Its eyes light up red as its beak drops open, and it lets out a shrill electronic alarm. Violet backs away from the shrieking bird, Dash following after her, panicking.]''
:'''Dash:''' What do we do?
:'''Violet:''' Run!
:'''Dash:''' Where are we going?
:'''Violet:''' Away from here!
:''[Alarms sound. A section of the island grid lights up, locating the kids. A guard hits the &quot;Scramble&quot; button.]''
:''[Helen hears the alarm, watches as the guards scramble. Guards on Velocipods zoom out into jungle.]''
:'''P.A.:''' Intruder alert. Intruder alert. Intruder alert.
:''[Bob hangs, defeated, in the suspension beams. The cell door slides open. A figure is silhouetted there — Mirage. She switches off the suspension ray. Bob drops to the floor. Bob just sits there on his knees, his eyes cast downward. Mirage crosses to him, kneels down—]''
:'''Mirage:''' There isn’t much time.
:''[Bob's hand flashes out and clamps around her throat. He rises, holding her dangling body aloft with one hand.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No, there isn’t. In fact... there’s no time at all.
:'''Mirage:''' ''[choking]'' Please...
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Why are you here? How can you possibly bring me lower? '''What more can you take away from me'''?
:'''Mirage:''' ''[choking]'' The family...survived...the...crash! They’re here...on the island!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' They’re alive?
:''[Bob releases his grip, Mirage drops to the floor, gasping raggedly. Bob lifts her up and embraces her. Mirage drinks it in, then reacts at the sight of a figure in the doorway. Bob looks up]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Helen...
:''[Mirage and Bob push apart, Mirage composing herself.]''
:'''Mirage:''' Oh, hello...You must be Mrs. Incre— ''[She gets knocked out cold before she could finish, much to Mr. Incredible's shock.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' She was helping me to escape!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' No! That’s what '''''I''''' was doing.
:''[Mr. Incredible grabs Elastigirl's arm.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Let go of me! Let go, you lousy, lying, unfaithful creep!
:''[They kiss.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' How could I betray the perfect woman?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Oh, you’re referring to ''me'' now?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Where are the kids?
:'''Mirage:''' They might’ve triggered the alert.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' What?!
:'''Mirage:''' Security’s been sent into the jungle. You better get going.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Now our '''''kids''''' are in danger?!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' If you suspected danger, why’d you bring them?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I didn’t bring ‘em, they stowed away. And I don’t think you’re striking the proper tone here.
:'''Guard:''' Think they’re supers?
:''[Running blindly. The kids are suddenly confronted by guards on three manned Velocipods. Glancing at the guards, Violet speaks quietly to Dash.]''
:'''Violet:''' Dash, remember what Mom said.
:'''Dash:''' What?
:'''Guard #2:''' Hey! Stop talking!
:''[Abruptly, Vi vanishes. Dash looks around in surprise.]''
:'''Guard #3:''' Hold it! Freeze!
:'''Violet:''' ''[off-screen]'' Dash, run!
:'''Dash:''' What?
:'''Violet:''' Run!
:''[Suddenly understanding — Dash bolts, jumping from the transport and vanishing into the jungle.]''
:'''Dash:''' Oh, yeah! ''[he runs away]''
:''[It happens fast: The guard's head snaps toward the sound of Vi's voice. He swings his rifle— we hear a heavy thud as Violet's (invisible) body is knocked from the transport: a cloud of dust surrounds an impression in the dirt.]''
:'''Guard:''' What the—?! They’re supers!
:''[Violet disappears]''
:'''Guard #2''': Get the boy! ''[guards take off after Dash on Velocipods]'' Show yourself!
:''[Dash blasts through the foliage on foot, unbelievably fast, a manned Velocipod hot on his tail. But the terrain is dense, uneven and difficult, and Dash is forced to adhere to the thin trail winding through the growth. A swarm of flies fusses in the air. Suddenly Dash bursts into view; rocketing right through the swarm! Bugs splatter Dash's face like an interstate windshield]''
:'''Dash:''' AGGCCHH!!!
:''[Dash stumbles, careens end over end through the undergrowth like an [[w:Indianapolis 500|Indy 500]] car crash, and finally tumbles to a stop. Unharmed, but thoroughly repulsed, Dash wipes his bug-spattered face and teeth.]''
:'''Dash''': Achpppt!! PtTHWAAAGH! PTHPT!
:''[A Velocipod bursts out of the brush after him and he takes off, tearing through the jungle. Running fast, Dash grabs a long vine — which sends him out in a wide arc that surprises the trailing guard. He shoots past Dash and roars off into the undergrowth. Dash releases the vine, tumbling roughly to his feet, and runs. A Velocipod bursts out of the brush and is on top of him. Impossibly, Dash accelerates, staying just ahead of it. He sees another vine, grabs it and is propelled upwards. Dash explodes out of the canopy, flailing, out of control. He looks down and sees — the treetops suddenly drop away. Dash is falling off a cliff, screaming his ten-year-old lungs out as he lands on a Velocipod! Fleetingly astonished by his good luck, Dash looks up as the startled guard whirls around to face him. The guard swings. Dash ducks and reluctantly throws a punch at the guard's face. It lands! Thrilled that his raw speed renders the guard powerless to dodge or return his punches, Dash laughs and, growing more confident with each punch, socks the guard again and again, blissfully unaware that no one is driving. Dash looks up. His jaw drops: a rock wall looms ahead! Dash points at it. The guard sees an opening and socks Dash in the face, knocking him off just as — the Velocipod slams into the cliff face, vaporizing in a fireball, killing the guard]''
:'''Guard:''' Hey!
:'''Dash:''' Ha, ha! I’m alive. Yeah!
:''[Dash whooping]''
:''[Dash falls: making desperate, flailing grabs as he hits limb after limb of an enormous tree, finally getting hold of a branch and arresting his descent. He pants, heart racing, and looks down to see — his feet dangling about a yard off the jungle floor. Elated about his survival, Dash drops to the ground and lets out a loud whoop, immediately alerting two guards on Velocipods nearby to his presence. They turn their V-pods after him. With Dash as he bolts again, accelerating to breakneck speed. He smashes through an endless succession of foliage — nearly colliding with tree trunks and rocks and suddenly — a lagoon lies in front of him. Dash reacts: the V-pods are on his tail, he has nowhere to go, so he takes a deep breath and steps on it — and has enough velocity to run across the water! Amazed and exhilarated, Dash blasts across the water's surface, weaving like a speedboat around the large volcanic rocks jutting out of the water. Velocipods open fire... strafing the water as Dash is pursued into a cave. Velocipod #2 pulls up short at the cave entrance and chooses to go around.]''
:'''Dash:''' Uh-oh.
:''[Velocipod #2 is coming straight at him! Dash wheels around, his legs churning the water like an egg beater. He sees V-pod #1 closing fast. He has nowhere to go and, like a deer in headlights, Dash stops — suddenly dropping beneath the water's surface as the Velocipods collide — BOOM!]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I should’ve told you I was fired, I admit it. But I didn’t want you to worry.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' You didn’t want me to worry? And now we’re running for our lives through some godforsaken jungle.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You keep trying to pick a fight, but I’m still just happy you’re alive.
:''[The remaining guard waits, his machine gun at the ready. Suddenly the dirt moves. The guard fires, strafing the ground just behind a succession of footprints that streak toward the river moments before a splash appears. We see a Violet-shaped distortion as bullet trails furiously slice the surrounding water. Still firing. He stops, unnerved and adrenalized. Tensed and ready, he nervously scans the river.]''
:'''Guard:''' I know you’re there, Little Miss Disappear. You can’t hide from me.
:''[Training his gun where he last saw Violet, the guard grabs a handful of dirt from the riverbank and throws it into the water. He shoulders his rifle watching the dirt turn into a brown cloud as it travels downstream ...making visible a Violet-shaped pocket]''
:'''Guard:''' ''[Aiming gun]'' There you are.
:''[The guard takes aim and Dash blurs past]''
:'''Dash:''' HEY! ''[knocking the guard's gun barrel skyward as it fires. The guard swings around — strafing the ground at Dash's heels as he plunges back into the jungle. A splash explodes from the river as invisible Violet makes a break for it. The guard sees this and swings the gun toward her as — Dash blasts out of the jungle and knocks the Guard's legs out from under him. They tumble and scrap, Dash redeeming his lack of size with lightning-fast punches and faints.]'' Don't touch my sister!
:''[Disoriented, the guard swings and connects — knocking Dash off his feet. He tumbles backward, dazed. The guard shoulders his rifle, leveling it at Dash. Dash looks up; sees he's screwed. The guard grins wickedly and pulls the trigger — Violet suddenly appears in mid-air, diving in front of Dash as she throws a force field around them! A hail of bullets ricochet off the force field.]''
:'''Dash:''' '''''How are you doing that?'''''
:'''Violet:''' I don’t know!
:'''Dash:''' Whatever you do, don’t stop!
:''[as Dash starts to walk within the force field like a gerbil on a wheel. Violet spins ever faster in the sphere's hub as Dash accelerates into a run. The guards empty their clips at the rolling sphere with no effect. It rumbles past them and straight into the jungle.]''
:''[Moving with the rolling force field as it carries Dash and Vi down a steep hillside into the path of two speeding Velocipods who fire at the sphere. It's clipped by one Velocipod-- which then spirals into a rock and explodes.]''
:''[Bob and Helen hear the explosions echo, and stop, worried. That's when they hear the rumble. Before they can get clear, the rolling force field bursts out of the brush]''
:'''Violet:''' Mom! Dad! Hey!
:''[the force field vanishes and the entire family tumbles to the jungle floor.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Kids! You’re all right.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Oh, you’re all right!
:'''Violet:''' We were so worried about you!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I thought I’d never see you again.
:''[There is a frantic, joyful exchange of hugs and kisses, unfortunately cut short when — Velocipods explode out of the foliage! The Incredibles instantly jump to their feet: Helen throws a stretched scissor kick which catches a guard in the chest, knocking him out of his V-pod. Bob chops a second passing Velocipod — it plows straight into the soft jungle floor. Before its pilot can react — Helen's arm is coiled around him. She yanks him from the vehicle, whiplashing him into another guard, knocking them both out cold. Bob grabs the crashed V-pod and Frisbees it into a V-pod from the trees - boom! And it's over. Bob and Helen had forgotten how good they were. They exchange lustful glances.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible) &amp; Helen (Elastigirl):''' Aww, I love you.
:'''Dash:''' Wow.
:'''Violet:''' Whoa.
:''[Suddenly the jungle is filled with guards and V-pods. And just as quickly the Incredibles turn as one against them, a hurricane blur of superpowers, suddenly brought to a crashing halt — as ZPE rays strike the Incredibles, suspending them all, motionless, in mid-air, in a clearing.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! HEY, TIME OUT!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[Syndrome keeps his wrists crossed; one beam trained on Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl; the other on Dash and Violet.]'' What have we here? Matching uniforms? ''[glances between the four faces. His eyes narrow as he zeroes in on Helen. An astonished smile splits his face.]'' Oh, no... Elastigirl!? ''[laughing, turns to Bob]'' You married Elastigirl? Whoa... and got... ''[he stops, sees the kids]'' And got '''biz-zay'''! It's a whole family of Supers! Looks like I've hit the jackpot! Oh, this is just too good!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Back in Syndrome's lair, on a giant screen, network news footage of a crowd gathered around a smoldering hulk resting at the base of a large building. The TV channel changes. Another reporter is covering the same story. Camera widens: Syndrome is delightedly channel surfing with a remote control of his own invention.]''
:'''News reporter on TV:''' The ship’s unique design suggests...
:'''News reporter on TV:''' There were no fatalities...
:''[The Incredibles are now side by side in the containment unit]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Huh? Huh!? Oh, come on! You gotta admit, this is cool! Just like a movie! The robot will emerge dramatically, do some damage. Throngs of screaming people! And just when all hope is lost, Syndrome will save the day! I’ll be a bigger hero than you ever were!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You mean, you killed off real heroes so that you could....&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''PRETEND TO BE ONE?'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Syndrome:''' Oh, I’m real. Real enough to defeat you! And I did it without your precious gifts, your oh-so-special powers. I’ll give them heroics. I’ll give them the most spectacular heroics anyone’s ever seen! And when I’m old and I’ve had my fun, I’ll sell my inventions so that everyone can be superheroes. Everyone can be super! And when everyone’s super... no one will be. ''[evil laughter, leaves room]''
:''[Back in Municiberg, the military are fighting a losing battle with the Omnidroid. Soldiers shouting]''
:'''Soldier:''' Fire at will!
:''[The Omnidroid starts destroying the military troops with ease.]''
:'''Reporter:''' It’s completely overwhelming the tanks.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’m sorry. This is my fault. I’ve been a lousy father. Blind to what I have. So obsessed with being undervalued that I undervalued all of you.
:'''Dash:''' Um...dad?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Shh. Don’t interrupt.
:''[Violet uses her force field to nullify the zero-point energy's effects and float out of the suspension system. She walks towards the keyboard.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' So caught up in the past that I.....You are my greatest adventure. And I almost missed it. I swear, I’m gonna get us out of this safely if I...
:'''Violet:''' Well, I think Dad has made some excellent progress today, but I think it’s time we wind down now.
:''[She hits the control panel, releasing the family]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' We need to get back to the mainland.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I saw an aircraft hangar on my way in. Straight ahead, I think.
:''[Bob's hands pry open the heavy metal doors, crunching them like foil. The Incredibles enter the huge hangar]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Where are all the guards?
:''[The guards are all holed up in a command vehicle, watching the Omnidroid reports on TV.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[signaling the others to move inside the command vehicle]'' Go, go!
:''[The guards watch live coverage of the Omnidroid attack on a video monitor. Champagne is popped: the cork is unexpectedly caught by someone standing in the doorway — Mr. Incredible]''
:'''Guard:''' Hey, look. Hey! Every time they run, you take a shot.
:'''Guard 2:''' Yeah, okay.
:''[The vehicle rocks as Bob quickly takes out the guards within. In moments Bob emerges, whistles to his family that the coast is clear.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' This is the right hangar, but I don’t see any jets.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' A jet’s not fast enough.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' What’s faster than a jet?
:'''Dash:''' Hey, how about a rocket?
:''[The other Incredibles follow Dash's finger to an enormous shield-shaped rocket, identical to the one launched earlier — save for a perfect circular hole in the center.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Great! I can’t fly a rocket.
:'''Violet:''' You don’t have to. Use the coordinates from the last launch.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Ah, wait. I bet Syndrome’s changed the password by now. How do I get into the computer?
:''[A voice comes over the loudspeaker.]''
:'''Mirage:''' Say please.
:''[The Incredibles turn and look up. Mirage stands in the monitoring station above the launchpad, smiling.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The stereo plays soft jazz as Lucius (aka Frozone) dresses for dinner. He slaps some aftershave on his face, checking his look in the mirror. A low series of booms grows louder, causing him to look up to see the Omnidroid outside his apartment wreaking havoc on Municiberg; a military chopper strafing it with machine-gun fire. He immediately goes through his dresser drawers.]''
:'''Lucius:''' '''Honey?!'''
:'''Honey Best''': ''[off-screen]'' What?
:'''Lucius:''' Where’s my supersuit?
:'''Honey Best:''' What?
:'''Lucius:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''WHERE… IS MY SUPER SUIT?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The military chopper, now on fire, spirals past the picture window and explodes, lighting up the room.]''
:'''Honey Best''': I, uh… put it away!
:'''Lucius:''' Where?!
:'''Honey Best:''' Why do you need to know?!
:'''Lucius:''' &lt;big&gt;'''''I NEED IT!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Lucius is running now, down the hallway, going in and out of view, frantically searching rooms and closets.]''
:'''Honey Best:''' Uh-uh! Don’t you think about runnin' off doin' no derrin’-do! We’ve been plannin' this dinner for two months!
:'''Lucius:''' The public is in danger!
:'''Honey Best:''' My evening’s in danger!
:'''Lucius:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''YOU TELL ME WHERE MY SUIT IS, WOMAN! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE GREATER GOOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Honey Best:''' Greater good?! I am your ''wife''! I’m the greatest ''good'' you are ''ever'' gonna get!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut back to the Omnidroid destroying the city. The driver of a gasoline tanker truck screeches to a halt, his eyes bugging out at the rampaging Omnidroid]''
:'''Man:''' RUN!
:''[He jumps from the truck just as the Omnidroid seizes the tanker in a giant claw and flings it down the street. A young mother sees it arcing toward her baby carriage.]''
:'''Woman:''' MY BABY!
:''[Syndrome holds the tanker in place just above the carriage and woman. The crowd is immediately electrified by the sight of the red-haired Superhero.]''
:'''Man:''' The Supers have returned!
:'''Woman:''' Is that Fironic?
:'''Man:''' Fironic?
:'''Woman:''' No, Fironic has a different outfit!
:'''Syndrome:''' No, no, I’m a new superhero! I’m SYNDROME!
:''[Syndrome carelessly flings the tanker truck behind him with a flourish. It explodes, frightening the crowd. The Omnidroid moves towards him.]'' All right, stand back. ''[The Omnidroid reaches a massive claw toward Syndrome, who presses a series of buttons on his power cuff. The robot freezes suddenly, idling. Syndrome smiles, pressing another series of buttons on his remote.]'' Someone needs to teach this hunk of metal a few manners. ''[Putting on a good show, Syndrome flies around the idling bot, and delivers a punch to one of its leg sockets.]''
:'''OMNIDROID'S P.O.V.''': Technical readouts spray across its viewscreen as it confirms Syndrome's instructions: RESTRAIN BATTLE MODE. DETACH ARM AT SIGNAL.
:'''Syndrome:''' Ha, ha!
:''[On cue, one of the Omnidroid's limbs suddenly falls out of its socket, thudding uselessly to the ground. As Syndrome revels in the cheers of the crowd, we push in on the Omnidroid. It's watching Syndrome. And thinking — OMNIDROID'S P.O.V.: Technical readouts spray across its viewscreen as it analyzes: CONTROL STOLEN BY EXTERNAL SIGNAL.]''
;LOCATE SOURCE: EXTERNAL SIGNAL
:Columns of numbers are crunched. The Omnidroid's lens-eye zooms in on the control bands around Syndrome's wrist — SIGNAL SOURCE: REMOTE CONTROL — and comes to a logical conclusion: OVERRIDE EXTERNAL CONTROL
:DESTROY REMOTE CONTROL
:''[The Omnidroid fires a precise laser shot, blasting the remote right off Syndrome's wrist. It clatters to the street. Syndrome whirls around in horror as the bot goes after him. He flies out of control, and he crashes onto a building. He lands, tries to get up and falls unconscious soon after.]''
:''[Frozone appears on the scene. High above the earth — another rocket, identical to the first one, descends from the clouds. Again, it separates into quarters which fall away, revealing the landing craft inside — and only then do we notice what's different about it: in the center of the large, perfectly round hole designed to house the Omnidroid is — the command vehicle, precariously held in place by a very stretched, very stressed Helen. Inside the command vehicle Bob is at the wheel, Vi and Dash are seated at a small table in the back.]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[exasperated]'' Are we nearly there yet?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' We'll get there when we get there!
:''[opens the window; to Helen, who is suspended from the Omnidroid's lander, clutching its sides and holding the van in place as loose debris is scattered everywhere.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' How you doing, honey?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Do I have to answer?!
:''[The giant wing is descending, gliding closer to the water, as the city looms closer directly ahead.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Kids, strap yourselves down like I told you!
:''[Violet and Dash move to the seats at the monitor panels, belting themselves in. Bob opens his window, yells up to Helen]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Here we go, honey! Ready, Violet? ''[Violet holds a hand over a giant, jerry-rigged release switch.]'' Ready? Now! ''[Violet slams the switch. The explosive bolts fire, separating the wing. Helen let's go with a pained shout, swings inside through the window. Bob steps on the gas. The command vehicle wheels spin. Bob tenses as he watches the speedometer move past 110, 120, 130.]'' This is gonna be rough! ''[The command vehicle sails over an overpass, clipping a light pole, and crashes to the pavement in a shower of sparks. It flies down the street at 200 MPH. Fighting to keep control, Bob hits the brakes. Smoke erupts from the wheel wells.]'' The robot’s in the financial district. Which exit do I take?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Traction Avenue.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' That'll take me downtown. I take 7th, don't I?
:''[Bob cranks the wheel and cuts across several lanes toward the Seventh Street exit.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Don’t take 7th!
:''[Bob aborts the exit, swerving hard to avoid a collision.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Great, we missed it!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' You asked me how to get there, and I told you. Exit at Traction!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' That’ll take me downtown!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' It's coming up! Get in the right lane! Signal!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[changing lanes]'' We don't exit at Traction!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''&lt;big&gt;YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:''[The command vehicle takes a violent swerve across six lanes, barely making the off-ramp! Sparks spray as the vehicle slams into the guardrail. The command vehicle careens off the railing and into traffic, narrowly missing a semi. Horns blare. Bob's teeth clench as he fights to slow the vehicle down. He stomps both feet on the brakes. Its tires smoking, the command vehicle pulls sideways and loses it, tumbling down the center of the street, spraying metal pieces in its wake. It rolls into an open parking space, and lands — miraculously upright, stripped like an ear of eaten corn. A more perfect parallel park couldn't have been executed. Bob and Helen sit up woozily. Bob turns to Dash and Violet.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Is everybody okay back there?
:''[Violet and Dash pull themselves upright. They look as if they've emerged from an industrial tumble dryer]''
:'''Violet:''' Super-duper, Dad!
:'''Dash:''' ''[laughing]'' Let’s do that again.
:''[The Omnidroid comes into view through the cracked windshield. Bob releases his seat belt, turns to Helen.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Wait here and stay hidden. I’m going in.
:''[Bob grimly starts after the Omnidroid. Helen stretches an arm out and grabs his shoulder, spinning him around.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' While what? I watch helplessly from the sidelines? I don’t think so.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’m '''''asking you''''' to wait with the kids.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' And I’m '''''telling you''''', &quot;not a chance&quot;. You’re my husband. I’m with you for better or worse.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I have to do this alone!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' What is this to you? Playtime?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' So you can be Mr. Incredible AGAIN?!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Then what? What is it?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’m not...
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Not what?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’m not strong enough.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Strong enough. And this will make you stronger?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Yes. No!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' That’s what this is? Some sort of workout!?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''I CAN'T LOSE YOU AGAIN!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[Helen is stunned. She stares at Bob, whose head is bowed like a child]'' I can’t. Not again. I’m not... strong enough.
:''[Helen searches Bob's eyes, deeply touched. She throws her arms around him, kissing him.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' If we work together, you won’t have to be.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I don’t know what’ll happen.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Hey. We’re superheroes. What can happen?
:''[Violet screams. She and Dash jump clear just as the command vehicle is crushed by the Omnidroid's metal foot. The Incredibles run. Another Omnidroid foot smashes into the street, blocking the kids' way. Bob and Helen stop, whirling]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Vi, Dash— NO!
:''[The Omnidroid is now fully focused on the kids, pounding Violet's force field relentlessly with its giant claws. The shield holds. The Omnidroid draws itself up and drops — the entirety of its massive bulk slams into the force field knocking Vi unconscious. Her force field flickers out]''
:'''Dash:''' Violet?
:''[Again, the Omnidroid draws itself up to deliver the crushing blow. Dash cringes and the bot drops — and hits an obstacle halfway down. Dash looks up]''
:'''Dash:''' Dad!
:''[Bob is underneath the bot, on his back, his arms and legs straining under the weight of it.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Go, go!
:''[Violet comes to and is instantly yanked out from under the bot and into Helen's arms.]''
:'''Violet:''' I’m okay, mom. Really.
:''[Dash follows them around the corner. Straining, Bob lifts the Omnidroid enough to get his feet underneath him. The bot snatches Bob out from underneath and flings him at a building across the street. The windows of the nearby building shatter as Bob's body tumbles across the floor, scattering desks and chairs. Helen rounds a corner out of the Omnidroid's view and carefully sets Violet down. She looks at Dash and Vi.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Stay here, okay?
:''[Helen turns away, charging back toward the robot. Vi and Dash watch their fearless mother in amazement.]''
:''[as the Omnidroid pulls itself up the building to look for Bob. Bob charges the Omnidroid, hitting it with enough force to dislodge it from the building. It falls, crashing into the street with an earth-shattering boom. Bob falls with it but rolls and lands on his feet. The familiar sound of cracking ice causes Bob to look up]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Frozone! Yeah!
:''[A narrow sheet of ice streaks across the pavement and Frozone skates past, joining the fight. Following Frozone — He moves to the Omnidroid, expertly icing its joints as it tries to get up. The Omnidroid whines as its motors strain against the ice. Further down the street, Helen rushes up to Bob]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Bob!
:''[Just then Frozone sails into frame and crashes into the roof of a parked car. Bob turns angrily toward the Omnidroid and is immediately smacked by it. Bob flies into the side of a building and tumbles to the street. Frozone and Helen distract the Omnidroid, heckling it and spreading out. It goes after them like an enraged beast. Dazed, Bob looks up and sees a strange device on the ground in front of him. He examines it, his eyes widening when he realizes what it is. He holds it up, yelling excitedly to the others]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Hey! Syndrome’s remote!
:''[The Omnidroid comes down on Bob like a ton of bricks, lifting him high above the ground. Miraculously, Bob has held on to the remote, and he quickly stabs at the buttons, hoping to get lucky. With a boom, one of the bot's limbs releases, sending it — and Bob — crashing to the ground]''
:''[Around the corner, Violet sees this. She turns to Dash]''
:'''Violet:''' The remote controls the robot!
:''[The Omnidroid knows this too, and it fires laser blasts at Bob to try to stop Bob from using the remote. Bob jumps clear, then hears Dash from down the street.]''
:'''Dash:''' Hey, Dad! Throw it, throw it!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Go long!
:''[Bob gives the remote a monster throw, flinging it high into the air and across the river. Dash pivots and takes off after it. The Omnidroid sees Dash and starts firing after him. With Dash as he hits the water, jetting across the water's surface as the Omnidroid fires away. The water explodes around Dash, but he concentrates on the remote, following it into his hands like an NFL receiver.]''
:'''Dash:''' Got it!
:''[Dash crosses the river and hits the streets on the other side, seemingly home free. But the Omnidroid is still firing, and it hits some cars in Dash's path, igniting their gas tanks. Suddenly Dash is surrounded by a wall of flames! Bob runs toward Helen, who is closer to the Omnidroid.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Honey, take out its guns!
:''[Helen hears him. She grabs a heavy manhole cover winding her elastic arm around a light pole to fling it — like an arrow — at the Omnidroid's gun. Bullseye. What follows amounts to a game of hot potato between the Supers and the Omnidroid over the remote: Frozone saves Dash from the circle of burning cars. Omnidroid sees this and goes after them. With Dash on his back, Frozone races across the river, freezing it in front of him as he goes.]''
:'''Frozone:''' Dash! Gotcha!
:''[Omnidroid jumps — almost on top of them, creating a massive wave and throwing Dash and Frozone high into the air. Thinking fast, Frozone turns the wave into a wall of snow. It crashes over the streets, cushioning their fall. The remote clatters to the ground. Bob sees it and runs for it. The Omnidroid sees Bob and fires a claw — catching Bob just as he was reaching for the remote. The claw — with Bob inside — tumbles end over end down the street. With Bob out of the way, the Omnidroid heads for the remote. Frozone ices the Omnidroid's path, causing its metal feet to slip and slide. Helen runs ahead of the Omnidroid, stretching herself into a tripwire across the stumbling Omnidroid's path. It crashes to the street. The Omnidroid looks up. The remote lies on the street just in front of it, easily within its grasp. The Omnidroid reaches out with a claw to destroy the remote. The remote magically jumps clear. The Omnidroid tries again, and again the remote darts away. Riled now, it rears up and stabs wildly at the remote with all of its arms. We hear Violet shriek, as the remote repeatedly eludes the Omnidroid's grasp: finally tangling its legs so badly that it topples over. Violet reappears, running back to rejoin the group in the middle of the street.]''
:'''Frozone''': Violet!
:'''Violet:''' Mom, I’ve got it! I’ve got the remote!
:'''Frozone:''' '''''A remote? A remote that controls what?'''''
:''[Violet begins to fiddle with the remote's click-wheel, pressing its buttons to no effect. The Omnidroid has gotten to its feet and lunges toward them. Violet shrieks and presses the button one last time. Rockets fire underneath the Omnidroid's clawed feet, lifting the enormous machine into the air.]''
:'''Frozone:''' THE ROBOT?!?'
:''[Everyone ducks as the Omnidroid rockets overhead, crashing into a building at the end of the street. Like a woozy prizefighter, the Omnidroid gets back on its feet.]''
:'''Dash:''' It's coming back!
:''[Dash snatches the remote from Violet, aims it at the Omnidroid, spins the click-wheel and presses a button. Behind Dash (and unseen by all) the claws on the Omnidroid's detached arm spring open — flinging Bob into the air.]''
:'''Dash:''' That wasn't right.
:'''Violet:''' ''[snatching remote back]'' Give me that!
:DOWN THE STREET - WITH BOB
:''[He climbs to his feet, muttering to himself.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' We can’t stop it. The only thing hard enough to penetrate it is... ''[A thought hits him. Remembering the first fight he had with the Omnidroid in the jungle, lava and volcano, he turns, staring at the metal claw]'' itself.
:'''Dash:''' It's getting closer.
:'''Violet:''' It doesn't work!
:''[Helen has the remote now and is trying to figure it out. The Omnidroid has them all in its sights and is lumbering toward them. The kids are starting to panic.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' No, this'll work! This'll work! Lucius, try to buy us some time!
:'''Frozone:''' Try the one next to it.
:''[Lucius takes off, throwing ice and skating down the street toward the approaching Omnidroid. He jumps off an ice ramp, his skates converting into a circular ski-disc in mid-air. He lands, throwing a massive ice wall in front of the Omnidroid.]''
:''[With Bob as he closes the claw into a massive arrowhead and starts charging down the street. With Helen and the kids — Helen dials the click-wheel on the remote and presses one of the buttons. The back of the claw suddenly fires a rocket engine. Bob veers crazily, trying to control it. Helen presses the button again. Now close to the group, Bob's claw rocket switches off. Bob gets an idea]''
:''[Helen presses a button. The claw blades start to spin.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Honey! ''[Frozone is putting up an ice wall to delay the Omnidroid's advancement toward them]'' Wait a minute. &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''PRESS THAT BUTTON AGAIN!! NO, THE OTHER ONE!! T-THE FIRST ONE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' First button! Got it!
:''[The Omnidroid has broken through the first ice wall and pounding away at a second one. Though Frozone's giving it all he's got, the Omnidroid's starting to break through.]''
:''[Helen looks at the remote, gestures at her kids.]''
:'''Dash:''' It’s getting closer!
:'''Frozone:''' Look out!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Get outta here, kids, find a safe spot!
:'''Violet:''' We’re not going anywhere!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;''''PRESS THE BUTTON!''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Not yet!
:'''Frozone:''' ''[apprehensively, as the Omnidroid advances toward Bob]'' Helen...?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' A closer target! Ya got one shot!
:''[The Omnidroid shatters the ice wall Frozone put up, it's almost on top of them. Elastigirl presses the button. The claw-rocket fires. Mr. Incredible aims it directly at the Omnidroid's metal underbelly—]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;'''''EVERYBODY DUCK!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[—and releases it. The giant metal claw roars overhead and drills clean through the Omnidroid's body, coming out the other side embedded in the CPU. For a long moment nothing happens. Then the gargantuan machine keels over and explodes. It's over. The family looks at each other, stunned]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Hey, Zone.
:''[Frozone starts laughing. Mr. Incredible smiles as he looks at his super family. It feels like his best memories... only better. The seemingly empty city begins to come to life, as people emerge from their hiding places, converging in the street. People begin to spontaneously cheer the heroes, welcoming the Supers' return. Syndrome comes to. Looks over the edge to the streets below to find the battle over and the masses cheering, not for him, but for the group of Supers. He darkens]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Huh? NO!
:''[Two elderly gentlemen stand together in the crowd. One nudges the other]''
:'''Frank Thomas''' Hey, did you see that? That's the way to do it. That's old school.
:'''Ollie Johnston:''' Yeah. No school like the old school.
:'''Frank Thomas:''' Yeah!
:''[They drink in the cheers as the adoring crowd gathers around them]''
:'''Frozone:''' ''[chuckles]'' Just like old times.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Just like old times. ''[slaps Frozone on the back, a little too hard]''
:'''Frozone:''' ''[shaking it off]'' Oh! Yeah. Hurt then too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A long, black limo cruises down the street. Mr. Incredible sits proudly with his family as Rick Dicker debriefs them. Everyone is enjoying the moment, save for Elastigirl, who has already clicked back into &quot;mother mode&quot; and is using the car phone to get messages]''
:'''Rick Dicker:''' We've frozen all of Syndrome's assets. If he even sneezes, we'll be there with a hanky and a pair of handcuffs. The people of this country are indebted to you.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Does this mean we can come out of hiding?
:'''Rick Dicker:''' Let the politicians figure that one out. But I've been asked to assure you we'll take care of everything else. You did good, Bob.
:''[Dash plays with the electric windows as Helen retrieves messages from the car phone. Window up, window down...]''
:'''Kari:''' ''[beeps; over phone]'' Hi, this is Kari. I have a question about Jack-Jack...
:''[...window up, up, down, up.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[to Dash]'' Come on. We're in a limo.
:''[Bob is looking appreciatively at Violet]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Hey, you're wearing your hair back.
:'''Violet:''' ''[stammering]'' Yeah, I just... yeah.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' It looks good.
:'''Violet:''' ''[blushing]'' Thanks, Dad.
:'''Dash:''' ''[to Bob]'' That was so cool when you threw that car!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Not as cool as you running on water.
:'''Dash:''' Hey, Mom, that was sweet when you snagged that bad guy with your arm and kinda whiplashed him into the other guy. It was so sweet!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl)''': Honey, uh, yeah, I'm trying to listen to messages, honey.
:'''Kari:''' ''[beeps; over phone]'' Mrs. Parr, it's me. Jack-Jack is fine, but weird things are happening. Jack-Jack's still fine, but I'm getting really weirded out! When are you coming back?
:'''Dash:''' ...aced those guys that tried to kill us! That was the best vacation ever! ''[flops back on the seat, exhilarated]'' I love our family.
:'''Kari:''' ''[beeps; over phone as Jack-Jack cries]'' I'M NOT FINE, MRS. PARR! PUT THAT DOWN! STOP IT! YOU NEED TO CALL ME! I NEED HELP, MRS. PARR!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[nudges Bob, shares phone]'' Bob, listen to this.
:''[Helen is listening to the last message as the limo slows to a stop in front of their home]''
:'''Kari:''' ''[over phone as Jack-Jack is still crying]'' I'M CALL THE POLICE OR SOMEONE! ''[calmly]'' Hi, this is Kari. Sorry for freakin' out, but your baby has special needs.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &quot;Special needs&quot;?
:'''Kari:''' Anyway, thanks for sending a replacement sitter.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Replacement? I didn't call for a replacement.
:''[Bob's eyes widen. He and Helen jump from the car, followed by the kids. They cross the lawn and burst through the front door to reveal — Syndrome who spins, hitting the family with his Zero-point energy ray. Cradling a sleeping Jack-Jack in his arms, he grins.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Shh....The baby is sleeping. ''[Evil laugh]'' You took away my future. I’m simply returning the favor. Oh, don’t worry, I’ll be a good mentor. Supportive, encouraging. Everything that you weren’t. And in time, who knows, he might make a good sidekick. Ha ha!
:''[Syndrome flings the family into the bookcase. He points his power band toward the roof and blows a huge hole in it, revealing his Manta Jet hovering high above. Syndrome fires his jet-boots and takes off toward the jet.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''He’s getting away, Bob!! &lt;big&gt;WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NOW!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:''[Jack-Jack awakens to the sight of his family and home receding beneath him. He starts crying, reaching out for them. Syndrome nears the Manta Jet. Jack-Jack's crying turns angry, and he suddenly bursts into flames. Syndrome shrieks. Jack-Jack's fire goes out, revealing that the baby has turned to metal. Syndrome drops with the sudden weight. His jet-boots compensate, but Syndrome is struggling to stay aloft. The baby's flesh reverts to normal, but the baby begins to vibrate fiercely. Syndrome can barely keep hold of him]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Something’s happening. What’s happening??
:''[The vibrating baby begins to redden, transforming abruptly into a mini demon. The Jack-Jack monster throws a headlock around Syndrome, laughing maniacally and starts to rip apart Syndrome's Jet-boots!]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''&lt;big&gt;WE HAVE TO STOP HIM!!!! THROW SOMTHING!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I can’t! I might hit Jack-Jack!
:''[Jack-Jack screeched while attacking Syndrome. He pulled some of Syndrome's hair and kicks his chin.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[realization, softly]'' Throw me.
:''[Jack-Jack rips a valve from Syndrome's jet-boots, which propels him upward, slamming his head into the jet's wing. He loses hold of Jack-Jack, who falls after changing back into his human form and starts crying.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''&lt;big&gt;BOB, THROW ME!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:''[Helen leaps into Bob's arms, forming into a spear shape. Bob takes aim and flings her toward the falling baby. Helen soars — and grabs Jack-Jack! She quickly blooms into a parachute.]''
:''[Syndrome regains control. He successfully docks with the hovering Manta Jet. He stands at the docking doors, his cape blowing dramatically upwards]''
:'''Syndrome:''' '''''NO!!!''''' This isn't the end of it! I will get your son eventually! I'll get your son! ''[laughs and gasps as he sees Mr. Incredible hurling his car into the air towards the Manta Jet.]'' Oh, no.
:''[Syndrome jumps back as the crafts collide, blowing him off his feet and up over the wing, toward the turbines. Clawing madly to find purchase, he looks over his shoulder in time to see the end of his cape sucked into the intake. Syndrome screams as he's yanked out of frame. Bob, Dash and Violet react as the Manta Jet explodes. Elastigirl cradles Jack-Jack facing upwards, his back toward the ground. He looks at her, giggling and cooing]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Look at Mommy, honey. Don’t look down. Mommy’s got you. Everything is all right.
:''[But Jack-Jack sees burning wreckage coming toward them and starts to shriek, pointing upwards. Helen turns to see it as wreckage crashes on top of them, destroying the Parr home. Elastigirl and Jack-Jack are saved. Violet and Helen exchange a meaningful look.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' That’s my girl.
:'''Dash:''' Does this mean we have to move again?
:''[Everyone chuckles at this. The smoke begins to clear, revealing a lone witness to this cataclysmic event — Rusty, whose eyes are as big as dinner plates.]''
:'''Rusty:''' Oh, man. '''''&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!!!!!!!&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Parker Stadium - Metroville, 3 MONTHS LATER]''
:''[The stadium parking lot is about half full on a beautiful cloudless day. The sign outside the stadium displays &quot;JUNIOR HIGH TRACK FINALS&quot;. Inside the stadium, young runners loosen up at the starting line of the hundred-yard dash. Dash is among them. He waves to the stands. In the stands, Bob, Helen and Jack-Jack wave back. Coming down the steps is none other than Violet's crush, Tony Rydinger. He waves cooly at some friends and heads toward the concession stand. Pausing when he sees Violet and a friend talking nearby. He approaches them.]''
:''[PA announcements]''
:'''Violet''': Do we have to have cheerleaders at the track meet? I mean, what is that all about?
:'''Violet's friend:''' Well, I always thought it was more like a...
:'''Tony:''' Hey.
:'''Violet:''' Hey.
:'''Tony:''' You’re, uh, Violet, right?
:'''Violet:''' That’s me.
:'''Violet's friend''': See you, Vi.
:''[Her friend leaves]''
:'''Tony:''' You look different.
:'''Violet:''' I feel different. Is different... okay?
:'''Tony:''' Hey, different is... ''[clears throat]'' Different is great. ''[stammering]'' Would you wanna...
:'''Violet:''' Yeah?
:'''Tony:''' Do you think maybe... ''[stammering]'' ...you and I... you know...
:'''Violet''''':'' Yeah?
:'''Tony:''' Do you...
:''[Violet silences Tony with a single finger on his lips. Tony stares at her in shock and wonder.]''
:'''Violet:''' Shh. I like movies. I’ll buy the popcorn. Okay?
:'''Tony:''' ''[stammering]'' A movie. There you go. Yeah...yeah! Wait, wait...so Friday?
:'''Violet:''' Friday. ''[She sits down with Bob, Helen and Jack-Jack]''
:''[The starter pistol fires, and the runners take off. Dash jogs well behind the pack in a confident, easy trot. In the stands Bob, Helen, and Violet cheer Dash on.]''
:'''Bob and Helen:''' Go, Dash, go! Go, go, go! Run, run!
:''[Dash hears them and looks toward the stands.]''
:'''Helen''': Run, Dash! Run!
:''[Dash, his eyes still on his family, accelerates a little and quickly moves toward the front of the pack. Dash, clearly confused now, furrows his brows as he again drops back. The family shouts louder]''
:'''Bob:''' Come on, run! Pick up the pace! Move it, move it! Pace it! Slow down just a little bit! Don’t give up! Make it close!
:''[Understanding, Dash accelerates just enough to scare the leader, crossing the finish line inches behind him.]''
:'''Helen:''' Second!
:'''Bob:''' Close second, close second. Yeah! That’s my boy!
:''[The family crosses the parking lot, Dash sitting atop Bob's shoulders, clutching his second-place trophy. Everyone is happy and together]''
:'''Helen:''' Dash, I'm so proud of you.
:'''Dash:''' I didn't know what the heck you wanted me to do.
:''[The ground begins to quake. The Incredibles stop as the low rumble grows louder. On the far side of the lot, cars begin to be thrown into the air, tossed about like toys. A gargantuan drill spirals out of the ground, throwing dirt and chunks of asphalt in all directions. People run screaming as the enormous metallic vehicle crests and crashes to earth. A door opens on top and a hulking figure in dirty overalls emerges atop a rising platform, his ragged voice amplified through a loudspeaker,]''
:'''Underminer''': '''BEHOLD, THE UNDERMINER!'' I am always beneath you, but nothing is beneath ME! I hereby declare WAR ON PEACE and happiness! Soon all will tremble BEFORE ME!
:''[Camera pans off Bob as he glances at his family. They've already donned their masks, ready as they'll ever be. Camera returns to Bob, revealing that he too has put on his mask. He turns toward their new nemesis and smiles, rips his shirt open to reveal the &quot;i&quot; insignia on the chest of his super suit underneath, the logo of Letter I and The Incredibles; credits roll].''

== Taglines ==
* Save the day.
* Discover the Side of Superheroes You've Never Seen Before
* Expect The Incredible.
* Twice the hero he used to be!
* Super cool!
* No gut, no glory.
* Sock'er Mom.

== Cast ==
=== Voice Cast (in Order of Appearance) ===
* [[w:Craig T. Nelson|Craig T. Nelson]] – Robert &quot;Bob&quot; Parr/Mr. Incredible
* [[w:Holly Hunter|Holly Hunter]] – Helen Parr/Elastigirl
* [[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]] – Lucius Best/Frozone
* [[w:Jason Lee (actor)|Jason Lee]] – Buddy Pine/Syndrome
* Dominique Louis – Bomb Voyage
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] – Newsreel Narrator
* [[w:Jean Sincere|Jean Sincere]] – Mrs. Hogenson
* Eli Fucile'''&lt;br&gt;'''Maeve Andrews – Jack-Jack Parr
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] – Gilbert Huph
* [[w:Spencer Fox|Spencer Fox]] – Dashiell &quot;Dash&quot; Parr
* [[w:Lou Romano|Lou Romano]] – Bernie Kropp
* Wayne Canney – Principal
* [[Sarah Vowell]] – Violet Parr
* Michael Bird – Tony Rydinger
* [[w:Elizabeth Pena|Elizabeth Peña]] – Mirage
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] – Rick Dicker
* [[Brad Bird]] – Edna &quot;E&quot; Mode
* Bret Parker – Kari
* Kimberly Clark – Honey
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] – Underminer

=== Additional Voices ===
* Nicholas Bird – Rusty McAllister
* [[w:Frank Thomas (animator)|Frank Thomas – Himself]]
* [[w:Ollie Johnston|Ollie Johnston – Himself]]
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] – Jet's Automated Captain/Robotic Security Bird/Tablet (uncredited)
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] – Soldier
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] – Guard #1 (uncredited)
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] – Guard #2 (uncredited)
* Randy Nelson – Police Officer #1
* [[w:Mark Andrews (filmmaker)|Mark Andrews]] – Police Officer #2
* [[w:Peter Sohn|Peter Sohn]] – Mugger
* [[w:Patrick Pinney|Patrick Pinney]] – Oliver Sansweet (uncredited)
* [[w:Bill Farmer|Bill Farmer]] – Oliver Sansweet's Lawyer (uncredited)
* [[Rodger Bumpass]] – Mr. Incredible's Lawyer (uncredited)
* [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]] – Police Officer #3
* Mickie McGowan – Citizen Mother (uncredited)
* Elizabeth Greenberg – Citizen #1
* Katherine Ringgold – Citizen #2
* Deirdre Warin – Old Lady
* [[w:John Walker (film producer)|John Walker]] – Minister (uncredited)
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] (uncredited)
* [[w:Rick Miller (comedian)|Rick Miller]] (uncredited)

== Trailers ==
=== Teaser Trailer ===
:''[the screen shows Disney and Pixar logos, the text puts up &quot;Walt Disney Pictures presents&quot; and &quot;a Pixar Animation Studios film&quot;, fades to the camera zooms by the picture frames, then hearing a phone ringing, then Bob picks up the phone]''
:'''Telephone''': Mr. Incredible, we need your help.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': ''[grabs the outfit, putting black shoes on, then putting long black gloves on, then putting a black mask on]'' Showtime.
:''[tries to put the belt on]''
:'''Helen''': ''[off-screen]'' Honey, come to dinner!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': I can't come to dinner! I've got the... I gotta go!
:''[continues trying to put the belt on]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Maybe just a salad, and uh, yeah. Ooh, and some rice cakes!
:''[continues trying to put the belt on, then trying to put the belt on, slamming the desk, then trying to put the belt on, then trying to put the belt on, sitting on a chair, then trying to put the belt on, stamping on the ground, then looking at the belt, then trying to put the belt on, hitting the chair]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Come on.
:''[takes a deep breath, putting the belt on, the belt breaks off of him, blowing the lights out, then the film's title, then the text puts up &quot;SAVE THE DAY&quot; and &quot;11 - 5 - 2004&quot;, the film website, labeled &quot;Incredibles.com&quot;, is bellow]''

=== Theatrical Trailer #1 ===
Random

=== Theatrical Trailer #2 ===
Random

=== Next Movie: ===
''[[Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas]]''

== See also ==
* [[Incredibles 2]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{imdb title | id=0317705 | title=The Incredibles}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=incredibles|title=The Incredibles}}
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20050508020251/http://jupiter.walagata.com/w/frodo01/the_incredibles_transcript.htm Unofficial transcript of the movie]


{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Incredibles, The}}
[[Category:2004 films]]
[[Category:2004 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Films about revenge]]
[[Category:Films directed by Brad Bird]]
[[Category:Films set on fictional islands]]
[[Category:Pixar]]
[[Category:The Incredibles]]
[[Category:2000s English-language films]]</text>
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[[File:The Incredibles logo.svg|thumb|Showtime!]]
'''''[[w:The Incredibles|The Incredibles]]''''' is a [[w:2004 in film|2004]] [[w:Academy Award|Academy Award]]-winning [[w:computer animation|computer animated]] feature film in which, while trying to lead a quiet suburban life, a family of undercover superheroes are forced into action to save the world. '''''[[w:Incredibles 2|Incredibles 2]]''''' was a sequel in [[w:2018 in film|2018]], accompanied with a short film by ''[[w:Turning Red|Turning Red]]'' director Domee Shi, ''Bao''.
:''Directed and written by [[Brad Bird]].''
:''Music by [[w:Michael Giacchino|Michael Giacchino]].''
{{center/s}}'''Save The Day.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}

== Robert &quot;Bob&quot; Parr / Mr. Incredible ==
[[File:Incredibles - Disney Stars and Motor Cars Parade.jpg|thumb|No matter how many times you save the [[world]], it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved! You know?! For a little bit. I feel like the maid: &quot;I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for, for 10 minutes?! Please?!&quot;]]
* ''[repeated phrase]'' Showtime!
* Every superhero has a [[secret]] [[identity]]. I don't know a single one who doesn't. I mean, who wants the pressure of being super [[all]] the [[time]]?
* No matter how many times you save the [[world]], it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved! You know?! For a little bit. I feel like the maid: &quot;I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for, for 10 minutes?! Please?!&quot;
* Sometimes, I think I just like the [[simple]] life, you know, relax a little and raise a [[family]].
* Heavyweight problems need heavyweight solutions.

== Helen Parr / Elastigirl ==
[[File:Disney on Ice - The Incredibles.jpg|thumb|Settle down? Are you kidding? I'm at the top of my game! I'm right up there with the big dogs! Girls, come on. Leave the saving of the world to the men? I don't think so! I don't think so.]]
* Of course I have a secret identity. ''[about her super-suit]'' Can you see me in this at the supermarket? Come on! Who wants to  go shopping as Elastigirl? You know what I mean?
* Brace yourselves! Everybody calm down! Now, I will tell you what we are not going to do. We're not gonna panic, and we're not gonna... '''''LOOK OUT!'''''
* Settle down? Are you kidding? I'm at the top of my game! I'm right up there with the big dogs! Girls, come on. Leave the saving of the world to the men? I don't think so! I don't think so.
* Remember the bad guys on those shows you used to watch on Saturday mornings? Well, these guys are not like those guys. They won't exercise restraint because you're children. They will kill you if they get the chance. Do ''not'' give them that chance.

== Lucius Best/Frozone ==
[[File:Katsucon XX IMGP0239 (12576826285).jpg|thumb|Super-ladies, they're always trying to tell you their secret identity. Think it'll strengthen the [[relationship]] or something like that. I say, &quot;Girl, I don't wanna ''[[know]]'' about your mild-mannered alter ego or anything like that.&quot; I mean, you tell me you're, uh, super-mega-ultra-lightning babe? That's all right with me. I'm good. I'm good.]]
* Super-ladies, they're always trying to tell you their secret identity. Think it'll strengthen the [[relationship]] or something like that. I say, &quot;Girl, I don't wanna ''[[know]]'' about your mild-mannered alter ego or anything like that.&quot; I mean, you tell me you're, uh, super-mega-ultra-lightning babe? That's all right with me. I'm good. I'm good.
* I don't see anyone from the old days, Bob. Just you. And we're pushing our [[luck]] as it is.
* It means ''it's hot!'' And I'm dehydrated, Bob!
* There ''is'' no water in this air! What's your excuse, run out of muscle?
* We look like bad guys! ''Incompetent'' bad guys!

== Dash Parr ==
* ''[After a huge explosion destroys the Parrs' house]'' Does this mean we have to move again?

== Violet Parr ==
* I ''[[feel]]'' different. Is different okay? 

== Syndrome (Buddy Pine / IncrediBoy) ==
[[File:Toicon-icon-fandom-adapt.svg|thumb|And when everyone's super... '''''No one will be.'''''
]]
[[File:Silver symbol (Dalton).svg|thumb|You can't count on ''anyone.'' Especially your heroes.]]
* ''[After Elastigirl's plane is destroyed]'' Ah, you'll get over it. I seem to recall you prefer to… ”work alone”?
* I knew you couldn't do it, even when you have nothing to lose. You're weak! And I've outgrown you.
* It tore me apart, but I've learned an important lesson. You can't count on ''anyone.'' Especially your heroes.
* ''[After Mr. Incredible begs him to stop the missiles from hitting Elastigirl's plane]'' Too late! 15 years too late.
* ''[has just caught the entire Parr family]'' WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! HEY, TIME OUT! What have we here? Matching uniforms? ''[sees Helen]'' Oh, no... Elastigirl? You married Elastigirl?! ''[laughs, then looks at Violet and Dash]'' And got '''biz-zay'''! It's a whole family of Supers! Looks like I've hit the jackpot! ''[laughs, then says in a twangy accent]'' Oh, this is just too good!
* I'll give them heroics. I'll show them the most spectacular heroics anyone's ever seen! And when I'm old and I've had my fun, I'll sell my inventions so that everyone can be superheroes. ''Everyone'' can be super! And when everyone's super... ''[walks away laughing before he talks in a remorseless tone]'' No one will be.
* ''[freezes the Parr family as they barge into the house while holding a sleeping Jack-Jack; quietly]'' Shh. The baby is sleeping. ''[snickers sinisterly]'' You took away my future. I'm simply returning the favor. Don't worry, I'll be a good mentor. Supportive, encouraging. Everything you weren't! And in time, who knows, he might make a good sidekick.
* ''[last words before his death]'' This isn't the end of it! I will get your son, eventually! I'll get your son! ''[laughs and gasps as he sees Mr. Incredible hurling his car into the air]'' Oh, no.

== Mirage ==
* ''[on message computer]'' The Supers aren't gone, Mr. Incredible. You're still here. You can still do great things. Or… you can listen to police scanners. Your choice. You have 24 hours to respond. Think about it. ''[fades out]''
* ''[about Syndrome]'' He's attracted to [[power]]. So am I. It's a weakness we share.
* ''[having had enough of Syndrome's evil after he taunted Mr Incredible with his family's apparent demise]'' Next time you gamble, bet your own life.

== Edna Mode ==
[[File:Edna Mode and Mrs. Incredible at Tokyo DisneySea in June 2024 (2).jpg|thumb|I never look back, darling. It distracts from the [[now]]!]]
* I never look back, darling. It distracts from the [[now]]!
* You will show him you remember that he is Mr. Incredible, and you will remind him who ''you'' are!
* Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man. Good with kids. November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved, when... his cape snagged on a missile fin.
* Stratogale! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine!
* Meta Man, express elevator! Dynaguy, snag on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! NO CAPES!

== Underminer ==
* Behold: The Underminer! I am always beneath you, but [[nothing]] is beneath me! I hereby declare [[war]] on [[peace]] and [[happiness]]! Soon, all will tremble before me!

== Dialogue ==
:''[First lines; The movie begins with a colored backing. A magnificent, masked man in a black-and-blue superhero suit is sitting in a chair: mid-twenties, ruggedly handsome and powerfully built, he fiddles with a clip-on microphone. We're watching a faded documentary, shot in 16mm. A title fades in, identifying the man as [[w:Mr. Incredibles|Mr. Incredible]]]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Is this on?
:'''Interviewer''': ''[off-screen]'' That’s fine.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': ''[muttering to himself]'' I can break through walls, I just can’t…
:'''Interviewer''': ''[off-screen]'' That’s fine.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': I can’t get this on.
:'''Interviewer''': ''[off-screen]'' So, Mr. Incredible, do you have a secret identity?
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Every superhero has a secret identity. I don’t know a single one who doesn’t. Who wants the pressure of being super all the time?
:''[Resume documentary: Another striking, masked superhero, a woman this time. A title identifies her as [[w:Elastigirl|Elastigirl]]]''
:''[On-screen text: Walt Disney Pictures Presents]''
:'''Elastigirl''': Of course I have a secret identity. Can you see me in this at the supermarket? Come on. Who’d wanna go shopping as Elastigirl, y’know what I mean?
:''[Resume documentary: Another striking, superhero with a visor, a man. A title identifies him as Frozone]''
:''[On-screen text: A Pixar Animation Studios Film]''
:'''Frozone''': Super Ladies, they’re always tryna tell you their secret identity. Think it’ll strengthen the relationship or somethin' like that. I said, &quot;Girl, I don’t wanna '''''know''''' about your mild-mannered alter ego.&quot; or anything like that. I mean, you tell me you’re a super-mega-ultra-lightnin'-babe, that’s alright with me. I’m good. I’m good.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved, you know? For a little bit. I feel like the maid. I just cleaned up this mess. Can we keep it clean for ten minutes?
:'''Interviewer:''' I could get to that point.
:'''Mr. Incredible:''' Please?
:'''Interviewer:''' Wait, no, don’t get up. We’re not finished.
:'''Mr. Incredible:''' Sometimes I think I’d just like the simple life, you know? Relax a little and raise a family.
:'''Elastigirl:''' Settle down? Are you kidding? I’m at the top of my '''''game'''''! I’m right up there with the big dogs! Girls, come on. Leave the saving of the world to the '''''men'''''? I don’t think so. I don’t think so. ''[fades to black. On-screen Text: The Incredibles. Sirens wail as lights flash, we're in the middle of a classic car chase: A police car in hot pursuit of another car driven by armed bank robbers. The robber riding shotgun primes his sub-machine gun and unloads on the cop car, which swerves into oncoming traffic to avoid the hail of bullets. Bob Parr, a dashing, golden-haired man in his thirties listens to his radio. If he looks familiar, it's because he is the same man we saw earlier: Mr. Incredible, minus the mask and super-suit. Suddenly the music is interrupted by an announcement]''
:'''Police Radio:''' We interrupt for an important bulletin. A deadly high-speed pursuit between police and armed gunmen is underway, traveling northbound on San Pablo Avenue.
:''[Bob presses a button. The radio flips: converting to a screen filled with a moving aerial map of the city streets. He selects &quot;Isolate Pursuit&quot;. Two red dots appear, moving quickly over the map. He makes a hard right turn. Looks at the screen. A tiny &quot;i&quot; icon (Mr. Incredible's logo) closes in on the two red dots. He checks his watch]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Yeah, I’ve got time.
:''[He presses another button: &quot;Auto-drive&quot; and selects &quot;Merge Pursuit&quot;. Bob takes his hands off the wheel and a rapid series of automated actions begin: the seat back drops flat; the passenger seat folds against the window as the driver's seat slides to the center. Bob raises his arms as metal bands lock around his waist, then separate, sliding apart toward his head and his toes, removing his clothes to reveal his slick, brightly colored Mr. Incredible super-suit underneath. He presses another button: the car's exterior converts into the coolest retro-futuristic vehicle ever seen: The Incredi-Bile. Mr. Incredible looks up: Through the windshield we see an old lady waving him down]''
:'''Old Lady:''' Mr. Incredible. Um, Mr. Incredible…
:''[Mr. Incredible pulls up. His window whooshes open]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' What is it, ma’am?
:'''Old Lady:''' ''[pointing to tree]'' My cat, Squeaker, won’t come down.
:''[Mr. Incredible glances at his screen: the pursuit is headed his way. He thinks, making some quick calculations, then]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Certainly, ma’am! But I suggest you stand clear. There could be trouble.
:'''Old Lady:''' No, no. He’s quite tame.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Let go now! ''[cat yowls]''
:''[The cop car pulls back in behind the robbers' car. The cops are firing now and closing in. Mr. Incredible and the cat tree. Nervously checking the pursuit on his video screen, Mr. Incredible rips the tree out of the ground. He tips it, leaning it across to the old lady just as the car chase squeals into view at the end of the block. Mr. Incredible sees this and hastily shakes the tree, trying to dislodge Squeaker. The car chase. The cars swerve into view now, bordering the park that Mr. Incredible is in. Mr. Incredible sees them and shakes Squeaker harder. Chase cars close in. Mr. Incredible. Car chase. Squeaker. Chase. Squeaker, one final shake: Squeaker drops into the Old Lady's hands. Mr. Incredible raises the tree up and slams it down on the hood of the crooks' car, squashing it like a bug. Mr. Incredible tamps down the loose dirt at the base of the freshly replanted tree and smiles at his admirers]''
:'''Police Officer #1:''' Thank you, Mr. Incredible. You’ve done it again.
:'''Police Officer #2:''' Yeah, you’re the best.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No, I’m just here to help.
:'''Police Radio:''' Attention all units. We have a tour bus robbery…
:''[Mr. Incredible frowns and looks at his watch. He makes a calculation, muttering to himself]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Tour bus robbery. I’ve still got time. Officers. Ma’am. Squeaker.
:''[Mr. Incredible jumps into the Incredi-Bile and is startled to find a pudgy kid wearing a mask and a homemade superhero costume sitting in the passenger seat. This is Buddy Pine aka IncrediBoy]''
:'''Buddy (IncrediBoy):''' ''[first words]'' Cool! Ready for take-off!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' What the…? Who are you supposed to be?
:'''Buddy (IncrediBoy):''' Well, I’m lncrediBoy.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' What? No. You’re that kid from the fan club. ''[stammering]'' Brophy-Br-Brody-Bu-Buddy! ''[sternly]'' Buddy.
:'''Buddy (IncrediBoy):''' My '''''name''''' is IncrediBoy.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Look, I’ve been nice, I’ve stood for photos, signed every scrap of paper you pushed at me, but this is…
:'''Buddy (IncrediBoy):''' No, you don’t have to worry about training me. I know all your moves, your crime fighting style, favorite catch phrases, everything! I’m your number one fan! ''[The passenger door whooshes open and IncrediBoy is ejected from the car. Mr. Incredible fires the afterburners and peels off, leaving Buddy standing alone]'' Hey! Hey, wait!
:''[A trail of stolen goods scattered across a rooftop leads us to a mugger. He mutters to himself as he roots through a stolen purse, disregarding some items, stuffing others into his pockets. A shadow looms on the wall behind him]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You know. ''[the snatcher looks up. He grins]'' you can tell a lot about a woman by the contents of her purse, but maybe that’s not what you had in mind.
:'''Snatcher:''' Hey, look!
:''[Mr. Incredible closes in on him. The snatcher drops the purse and pulls a gun. Suddenly, an arm stretches and punches the snatcher's jaw. Mr. Incredible looks up and sees a dazzling masked woman in an equally dazzling suit. She smiles. If she looks familiar, it's because she is the same woman we saw earlier: Elastigirl, aka the soon-to-be Helen Parr]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Elastigirl.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Mr. lncredible.
:''[Elastigirl moves to the snatcher, begins to pick him up]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No, it’s all right. I’ve got him.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Sure, you’ve got him. I just took him out for you.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Sure, you took him out. His attention was on me.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' A fact I exploited to do my job.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' My job, you mean.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' A simple thank you will suffice.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Thanks, but I don’t need any help.
:''[Elastigirl assesses him. Slowly moves closer]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Whatever happened to &quot;ladies first&quot;?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Well, whatever happened to equal treatment?
:'''Snatcher:''' ''[regaining consciousness]'' Hey, look, the lady got me first. ''[Elastigirl coldcocks the crook with one stretched punch]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Well, we could share, you know.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I work alone.
:''[Elastigirl smiles, moves very close to Mr. Incredible]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Well, I think you need to be more…
:''[In one fluid motion she loops around his body, suddenly behind him and before he can turn, back in front again]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ...flexible.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': ''[dazzled]'' Are...you doin' anything later?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I have a previous engagement.
:''[She makes a little stutter step to the edge of the roof and jumps, flips, loops and stretches across the rooftops like a liquid cat, disappearing into the setting sun. Mr. Incredible lets out a low whistle. That. Is a woman]''
:''[Mr. Incredible handcuffs the snatcher to a pipe]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': Now, you just stay here. They usually pick up the garbage in an hour.
:'''Frozone''': Hey, Incredible!
:''[Mr. Incredible turns. A helicopter sweeps past, machine guns blazing back towards its pursuer. Frozone swoops down, hot on its tail, surfing a sheet of ice that materializes in his path]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': Hey, Frozone!
:''[Frozone leaps, grabbing on to one of the chopper's skids]''
:'''Frozone''': Shouldn't you be getting ready?
:''[Mr. Incredible frowns, glancing at his watch. Mr. Incredible yells at the retreating copter]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': I still got time.
:''[Off-screen, a woman screams followed by the horrified cries of several gathered people]'' 
:'''Woman''': ''[off-screen]'' He's gonna jump!
:''[Mr. Incredible runs to the edge of the building and looks down. A large crowd is gathered on the streets below. Mr. Incredible follows their upwards gaze to the roof of a skyscraper with a man, Oliver Sansweet, who stands poised to jump, then does. Mr. Incredible quickly gauges distances, and then dives off the edge, making a spectacular leap, and tackles him in mid-air and then breaking through an enormous window on the far side, and tumbles to the floor in a shower of glass. Safe]''
:''[Off-screen: the people outside are now clapping in applause]''
:'''Sansweet''': I think you broke something.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': Well, with counseling, I think you'll come to forgive me. ''[senses something]'' Wait a minute...
:''[Mr. Incredible slides Sansweet over to a desk and props him up against it]''
:''[His acute senses turn his attention to the hallway, toward the elevators. As he follows his ears, we become aware of a sound: a tiny series of regular beeps. Mr. Incredible locates a spot on the wall and presses one ear against it. The beeps accelerate. Mr. Incredible starts to push away and... BOOM! The hallway is filled with smoke and debris. A silhouette emerges from the newly blown hole in the wall; a tall, rangy man in a mime costume carries two stuffed duffel bags. This is Bomb Voyage. He surveys the scene with a wicked smile. A vault door is embedded into the wall directly opposite the hole. It moves aside, revealing Mr. Incredible behind it, dazed but unharmed. He sees the mime and growls]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''': ''[coughing]'' Bomb Voyage.
:'''Bomb Voyage''': ''[first words]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''Monsieur Incroyable!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; [Translation: Mr. Incredible!]
:'''IncrediBoy''': ''[off-screen]'' And IncrediBoy!
:''[Both Mr. Incredible and Voyage turn and stare in disbelief at the kid, who awkwardly flies over to them]''
:'''Bomb Voyage''': IncrediBoy?
:'''IncrediBoy''': Hey, hey! Aren’t you curious about how I get around so fast? See? I have these rocket boots.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Go home, Buddy.
:'''IncrediBoy:''' What?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Now.
:'''Bomb Voyage:''' '''''Petit mufe va!''''' [Translation: Little oaf…]
:'''IncrediBoy:''' ''[he takes Bob aside]'' Can we talk? You always, always say be true to yourself, but you never say which part of yourself to be true to. Well, I’ve finally figured out who I am. I am your ward…IncrediBoy!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' And now, you have officially carried it too far, Buddy.
:''[Mr. Incredible grabs Bomb Voyage before he could get away. There is an ugly flash in Buddy's eyes]''
:'''IncrediBoy:''' This is because I don’t have powers, isn’t it? Well not every superhero has powers, you know. You can be super without them. [re: his rocket boots] I built these. I can fly. Can you fly?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[warns IncrediBoy]'' Fly home, Buddy. I work alone.
:'''Bomb Voyage''': ''[last words]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''Et ton costume est complètement ridicule!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; [Translation: And your outfit is totally ridiculous!]
:'''IncrediBoy:''' Just give me one chance! ''[to Bomb Voyage]'' I’ll show you. I’ll go get the police.
:''[As Buddy jogs to the shattered window, Mr. Incredible sees that Voyage has sneakily clipped a small bomb onto Buddy's cape]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Buddy, don’t!
:'''IncrediBoy:''' It’ll only take a second, really.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[takes off after him]'' NO, STOP! There’s a bomb!
:''[Mr. Incredible grabs Buddy's cape just as &quot;IncrediBoy&quot; takes off, taking Mr. Incredible with him. Mr. Incredible and the boy rocket wildly out of control, spraying sparks in every direction, Mr. Incredible grabbing at the cape desperately for the bomb]''
:'''IncrediBoy:''' Let go! You’re wrecking my flight pattern! I can do this if you let go!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Will you just…?? I’m trying to help! Stop!
:'''IncrediBoy:''' Let go of my cape!
:''[Mr. Incredible finally grabs hold of the bomb and flings it free. Both he and the bomb fall onto the elevated train tracks below. The bomb explodes, blowing away a large section of track. Mr. Incredible groggily looks up; A train is coming. And heading straight for the section of track that is no longer there. Mr. Incredible sets his jaw and starts running toward the oncoming train, leaping the chasm to intercept the train before it gets there. Mr. Incredible pulls up and plants himself. The expression on his face says it all: this is going to hurt. The train hits; Mr. Incredible taking the full impact. Rail ties break behind Mr. Incredible's feet, spraying in all directions as Mr. Incredible, miraculously, wrestles the train to a stop]''
:''[Finally, Police and paramedics have arrived, cordoning off the accident scene and treating the injured. At last, Mr. Incredible hands Buddy over to the police]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Take this one home. And make sure his '''''mom''''' '''''knows what he's been doing'''''.
:'''IncrediBoy:''' I can help you. You’re making a mista---hey!
:''[The cops shove Buddy into the backseat of their car]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' The injured jumper. You sent paramedics?
:'''Police Officer:''' They’ve already picked him up.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' The blast in that building was caused by Bomb Voyage who I caught in the act robbing the vault. Now, we might be able to nab him if we set up a perimeter.
:'''Police Officer #2:''' You mean he got away?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Well, yeah. '''''Skippy here''''' made sure of '''''that'''''.
:'''IncrediBoy:''' ''[last words]'' IncrediBoy!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You’re not affiliated with me!!
:''[A tiny alarm sounds. Mr. Incredible checks his wristwatch]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Holy smokes, I’m late. Listen, I’ve gotta be somewhere.
:''[Mr. Incredible signals the Incredi-Bile with a remote. It roars into view, squeals to a stop next to him]''
:'''Police Officer:''' What about Bomb Voyage?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Any other night, I’d go after him myself, but I really gotta go. But don’t worry. We'll get him! Eventually!
:''[Mr. Incredible fires the afterburners. The cops watch in dismay as the Incredi-Bile roars off]''
:''[He enters, dressed smartly in a tux, fumbling with his tie]''
:'''Bob:''' Hey, is the night still young?
:'''Lucius:''' You’re '''''very late.'''''
:'''Bob:''' How do I look? Good?
:''[His best man named Lucius Best (aka Frozone) stops him before he...]''
:'''Lucius:''' Oh, the mask! You still got the mask.
:''[Lucius reaches up and pulls off his Mr. Incredible mask. Bob takes a deep breath and pushes open the chapel doors]''
:'''Bob:''' Showtime.
:''[Bob, the groom stands at the altar with his bride, Helen, who we quickly realize is also Elastigirl]''
:'''Minister:''' Robert Parr, will you have this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
:'''Helen:''' You’re late. When you asked me if I was '''''doing anything later''''', I didn’t realize you’d '''''actually forgotten'''''. I thought it was playful banter.
:'''Bob:''' It '''''was''''' playful banter.
:'''Helen:''' Cutting it kinda close, don’t ya think?
:'''Bob:''' You need to be more...flexible.
:'''Helen:''' I love you, but if we’re gonna make this work, you’ve gotta be more than Mr. Incredible. You know that. Don’t you?
:'''Minister:''' ...so long as you both shall live?
:'''Bob:''' I do.
:'''Minister:''' I pronounce this couple husband and wife.
:''[They kiss, as people are cheering and whistling. Gazerbeam, Stratogale, Dynaguy, Meta-Man, Thunderhead, E and Rick Dicker can be seen for a few seconds clapping.]''
:'''Helen:''' As long as we both shall live. No matter what happens.
:'''Bob:''' Hey, come on. We’re superheroes. What could happen?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The screen switches to a news flash.]''
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' In a stunning turn of events, a superhero is being sued for saving someone who, apparently, didn’t want to be saved. The plaintiff, Oliver Sansweet, who was foiled in his attempted suicide by Mr. Incredible, has filed a suit against the famed superhero in Superior Court.
:''[Oliver Sansweet's lawyer stands next to him on the crowded front steps, and speaks to a cluster of reporters]''
:'''Sansweet’s Lawyer:''' Mr. Sansweet didn’t ask to be saved, Mr. Sansweet didn’t wanna be saved! And the injury received from Mr. Incredible’s &quot;actions&quot;, '''''so-called''''' causes him daily pain!
:'''Mr. Incredible:''' Hey, I saved your life!
:'''Sansweet:''' You didn’t save my life, you ruined my death! That’s what you did...!
:'''Mr. Incredible:''' Listen, you little ''[interrupted by his lawyer]'' piece of....
:'''Mr. Incredible's Lawyer:''' My client has no further comment at this time.
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' Five days later, another suit was filed by victims of the El Train accident.
:''[Shots of a courtroom filled with neck-braced, cast-wearing, train-wreck victims. A lawyer goes through his paces, often gesturing toward a glowering Mr. Incredible]''
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' Incredible’s court losses cost the government millions, and opened the floodgates for dozens of superhero lawsuits the world over.
:''[A series of spinning newspaper headlines describing the succession of lawsuits brought against superheroes saying, &quot;DynaGuy sued!&quot;, &quot;'SUPER' DAMAGES!&quot;, &quot;X-RAY VISION PEEPING TOM?&quot; Irate Taxpayers demonstrate, waving placards that read: &quot;NO MORE SUPER BAILOUTS!&quot;, &quot;$UPER EXPEN$IVE!&quot;, etc. A government employee addresses her colleagues]''
:'''Government Public Speaker:''' It is time for their '''''secret identity''''' to become their '''''only identity'''''. Time for them to join us, or go away!
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' Under tremendous public pressure, and the crushing financial burden of an ever-mounting series of lawsuits, the government quietly initiated the superhero relocation program. ''[Superheroes exiting the public stage, as they wave goodbye (ala Nixon), duck into cars in a shower of popping flashbulbs, cheered by supporters, jeered by opponents, etc.]'' The supers will be granted amnesty from responsibility for past actions, in exchange for the promise to never again resume hero work. Where are they now?
:''[A throng of people mill about the city streets in diverse anonymity]''
:'''Newsreel Narrator:''' They are living among us. Average citizens, average heroes. Quietly and anonymously continuing to make the world a better place.
:''[The music crescendos as camera lifts up to the horizon and the sun streaming through the clouds.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Title card reading: &quot;15 Years Later&quot;. It’s now 15 years later and Bob is working at an insurance agency and stamps &quot;Denied&quot; on a frail woman (Mrs. Hogenson)'s policy claim, replacing the red &quot;X&quot; on a frail woman (Mrs. Hogenson)'s policy claim]''
:'''Mrs. Hogenson:''' Denied? You’re denying my claim? I don’t understand, I have full coverage.
:''[Her claims adjuster, Bob Parr looks up at Mrs. Hogenson sadly. He looks familiar because it is none other than Mr. Incredible himself, now balding, sixty-four pounds heavier and dressed in a too-tight white-collar shirt sitting in an uncomfortably cramped cubicle. Mrs. Hogenson sits across from him, bewildered and upset]''
:'''Bob:''' I’m sorry, Mrs. Hogenson, but our liability is spelled out in paragraph 17. It states clearly-
:'''Mrs. Hogenson:''' ''[stammering]'' I-I can’t pay for this.
:''[Bob hears the phone ring]''
:'''Bob:''' Excuse me. ''[answers phone]'' Claims, Bob Parr.
:''[Helen chats amiably as she bathes her infant baby Jack-Jack in the sink of their airy, ranch-style kitchen. Her hairstyle has changed, her hips have widened a little, but Motherhood has agreed with her, and little else has changed from her Elastigirl days. A stack of empty moving boxes are stacked haphazardly near the door]''
:'''Helen:''' I’m calling to celebrate a momentous occasion. We’re now officially moved in.
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, well, that’s great, honey. And the last three years don’t count because...
:'''Helen:''' Because I finally unpacked the last box. Now, it’s official. Ha, ha, ha. Why do we have so much junk?
:'''Bob:''' Listen, honey, I’ve got a client.
:'''Helen:''' Say no more. Go save the world one policy at a time, honey. Oh! I gotta go pick up the kids from school. See you tonight.
:'''Bob:''' Bye, honey. ''[to Mrs. Hogenson]'' Excuse me. Where were we?
:'''Mrs. Hogenson:''' ''[crying]'' I'm on a fixed income, and if you can't help me, I don't know what I'll do. ''[blows nose loudly; crying]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[he looks out of his cubicle and above it to make sure no one's eavesdropping and then turns his attention back to Mrs. Hogenson]'' All right, listen closely. I'd like to help you, but I :'''''can't'''''. I'd '''''like''''' to tell you to take a copy of your policy to Norma Wilcox on... :''[whispering, tapping on a notepad instructing her to write this all down]'' Norma Wilcox, W-I-L-C-O-X, on the third floor, but I can't. I also '''''do not''''' advise you to fill out and file a WS2475 form with our legal department on the second floor. I would '''''not''''' expect someone to get back to you quickly to resolve the matter. I'd '''''like to help''''', but there's nothing I can do.
:'''Mrs. Hogenson:''' Oh, thank you, young man.
:'''Bob:''' ''[shushing her and peering over the top of his cubicle, looking around and shouting loudly to make sure no one is listening to the conversation]'' '''''I'M SORRY, MA'AM! I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET!!''''' ''[whispering]'' Pretend to be upset. ''[She walks out of the cubicle pretending to sob. Gilbert Huph, charges down towards Bob's cubicle and pushes past Mrs. Hogenson]''
:'''Huph:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''PAAAARRRRRRR!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[he passes some papers on Bob's desk, as he gets startled. This causes a cup of pencils to fall down, which Bob picks up again]'' You authorized payment on the Walker policy?!
:'''Bob:''' Someone broke into their house, Mr. Huph. Their policy clearly covers them against...
:'''Huph:''' ''[worried]'' I don't know wanna about their coverage, Bob. Don't tell me about their coverage. Tell me how you're keeping Insuricare in the black! Tell me how that's possible with you writing checks to every Harry Hardluck and Sally Sobstory &lt;big&gt;'''''THAT GIVES YOU A PHONE CALL!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[showing off storms out of Bob's cubicle]''
:''[Huph leaves. Bob stands there impotently, then sits]''
:'''PA Announcement:''' Morning break is over. Morning break is over. ''[the cup holding Bob's pencils fall to the floor spilling out]''
:''[Helen enters the principal's office and sees her son [[w:Dash Parr|Dash]] hunched in a chair. Before him are two men, Dash's teacher Bernie Kropp, balding, tense, and looking older than his 36 years, and the school's principal]''
:'''Principal:''' I appreciate you coming down here, Mrs. Parr.
:''[Helen looks at Dash]''
:'''Helen:''' What’s this about? Has Dash done something wrong?
:'''Bernie:''' ''[first words]'' He’s a disruptive influence and he openly mocks me in front of the class.
:'''Dash:''' ''[muttering]'' He says.
:'''Bernie:''' ''[to Helen and Dash]'' Look, I know it's you! He puts thumbtacks on my stool.
:'''Helen:''' ''[telling Bernie what he is done to Dash.]'' You saw him do this?
:'''Bernie:''' Well, not real– No, actually not.
:'''Helen:''' Oh, then how do you know it was him?
:'''Bernie:''' I hid a camera. ''[produces a videotape. Dash gasps and looks at Helen, glaring at him]'' And this time I got him. ''[the footage shows Bernie shows up to his seat and when he's about to sit down, for a couple of frames.]'' I'll show him! I'll show him! I'll show him! ''[Dash is seen running to the seat and back to his desk]'' See? You see? ''[Helen and the principal squint in an attempt to try to see it]'' What, you don't see it? ''[sighs, and rewinds the tape]'' He moves! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''RIGHT THERE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[pauses]'' Wait, wait! Right... ''there! '''Right as I'm sitting down!''''' I don't know, I don't know how he does it, but there's no tack on my stool ''before'' he moves and ''after'' he moves there's a tack! Coincidence? I think &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''NOT'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;!
:'''Principal:''' Uh, Bernie? ''[pats his shoulder]''
:'''Bernie:''' Don’t &quot;Bernie&quot; me! ''[angrily threatening to Dash]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''THIS LITTLE RAT IS GUILTY!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Principal:''' You and your son can go now, Mrs. Parr. I’m sorry for the trouble.
:'''Bernie:''' ''[last words]'' You're letting him go '''''again?!''''' He's guilty! You can see it on his smug little face!! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;''GUILTY, I SAY, GUILTY! '''GUILTY, GUILTY! NO!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Dash and Helen drive to Western View Junior High to pick up Violet]''
:'''Helen:''' Dash, this is the third time this year you've been sent to the office. We need to find a better outlet, a more...constructive outlet.
:'''Dash:''' '''''Maybe I could,''''' if you’d let me go out for '''''sports'''''.
:'''Helen:''' Honey, you know why we can’t do that.
:'''Dash:''' I promise I’ll slow up. I’ll only be the best by a tiny bit.
:'''Helen:''' Dashiell Robert Parr, you are an '''''incredibly competitive boy''''', and a bit of a showoff. The last thing you need is temptation.
:'''Dash:''' You always say, &quot;'''''Do your best'''''&quot;, but you don’t really '''''mean it'''''. Why can’t I do the best that I can do?
:'''Helen:''' Right now, honey, the world just wants us to fit in, and to '''''fit in''''', we just gotta be like everybody else.
:'''Dash:''' Dad always said our powers were nothing to be ashamed of. Our powers made us special.
:'''Helen:''' Everyone's special, Dash.
:'''Dash:''' ''[muttering]'' Which is another way of saying '''''no one is'''''.
:''[At Western View Junior High, daughter [[w:Violet Parr|Violet]] stands next to the stairs outside and Tony, her crush, walks out]''
:'''Boy:''' Hey, Rydinger. Where you headed?
:'''Girl:''' Hi, Tony.
:'''Tony:''' Hey.
:'''Boy:''' Hey, Tony, can I carry your books?
:'''Tony:''' That’s kind of funny.
:'''Boy 1:''' Hey, Tony, do you play football?
:'''Boy 2:''' Tony, I thought we were gonna go swimming.
:''[Tony walks by Violet but when he turns around, he doesn't see anyone. Confused, Tony walks away. Violet's invisible but her clothes are still visible and afterwards becomes fully visible again]''
:'''Violet:''' He looked at me.
:''[car horn honking]''
:'''Dash''': Come on, Violet!
:''[Bob is on an interstate highway and heading home from Insuricare in gridlock traffic]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[slowly arrives in the driveway with his grossly under-sized hatchback, opens the door, accidentally slips on a skateboard and leaves a finger crush on the door, muttering angrily]'' Darn kids. Sitting on the driveway. ''[notices his finger crush on the door]'' Oh, great. ''[attempts to shut the car door with increasing frustration. The third time he quickly throws it closed, only for the door window to crash and shatter.]'' Oh my. ''[He loses his temper, turns red in anger and angrily lifts the car over his head, only to see a boy named Rusty McAllister on his Big Wheel staring at him. Rusty's bubblegum bubble pops. Bob puts the car down, and checks for Rusty. Bob makes his way into the house]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Everyone's eating at the dinner table while Helen feeds Jack-Jack]''
:'''Dash:''' Mom. You’re making weird faces again.
:'''Helen:''' Mmm. No, I'm not.
:'''Bob:''' You make weird faces, honey.
:'''Helen:''' Do ya have to read at the table?
:'''Bob:''' Uh-huh. Yeah.
:'''Helen:''' ''[spots Dash trying to take a bite out of his steak without cutting it]'' Smaller bites, Dash. Yikes! Bob, could you help the carnivore cut his meat?
:'''Dash:''' Ow.
:''[Bob goes over to Dash and cuts his steak]''
:'''Helen:''' Dash, ya have something you wanna tell your father about school?
:'''Dash:''' ''[nervously]'' Well, we dissected a frog.
:'''Helen:''' Dash got sent to the office again.
:'''Bob:''' ''[distracted]'' Good. Good.
:'''Helen:''' No Bob, that's bad.
:'''Bob:''' What?
:'''Helen:''' Dash got sent to the office again.
:'''Bob:''' What? What for?
:'''Dash:''' ''[through his teeth]'' Nothing.
:'''Helen:''' He put a tack on the teacher’s chair... during class.
:'''Dash:''' ''[muttering]'' Nobody saw me. You could barely see it on the tape.
:'''Bob:''' They caught you on tape and you still got away with it? Whoa! You must have been booking. How fast did you think you were going?
:'''Helen:''' Bob! We are not encouraging this.
:'''Bob:''' I’m not encouraging, I’m just asking how fast...
:'''Helen:''' Honey!
:''[Bob accidentally cuts through the plate and then pauses for a few seconds]''
:'''Bob:''' Great. First the car, now I gotta pay to fix the table...
:'''Helen:''' The car? What happened to the car?
:'''Bob:''' Here. I’m getting a new plate. ''[He leaves angrily and goes into the kitchen]''
:'''Helen:''' ''[clearing her throat]'' So, how about you, Vi? How was school?
:'''Violet:''' ''[sullenly]'' Nothin’ to report.
:'''Helen:''' You’ve hardly touched your food.
:'''Violet:''' I’m not hungry for meatloaf.
:'''Helen:''' Well, it is leftover night. We have steak, pasta. What are ya hungry for?
:'''Dash:''' ''[annoyingly teases Violet]'' Tony Rydinger.
:'''Violet:''' ''[angrily]'' Shut up!
:'''Dash:''' ''[annoyingly teases Violet again]'' Well, you are.
:'''Violet:''' ''[angrily shouts at Dash]'' I said, shut up, you little insect!
:'''Dash:''' ''[annoyingly teases Violet one final time]'' Well, she is.
:'''Helen:''' ''[angrily covers Violet and Dash's mouths]'' DO NOT SHOUT AT THE TABLE! Honey!
:'''Bob:''' ''[Off-screen; in the other room]'' Kids! Listen to your mother.
:''[Helen sighs and the family goes back to eating dinner]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[under his breath as he takes a sip from his cup]'' She'd eat if we were having &quot;Tony loaf&quot;.
:'''Violet:''' ''[enraged]'' &lt;big&gt;''''THAT'S IT!''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[furiously jumps over the table and angrily starts fighting with Dash]'' That’s it!
:''[Dash and Violet start fighting]''
:'''Helen:''' Stop it!
:'''Dash:''' ''[furiously starts running around the table angrily hitting Violet every time he passes her]'' You’re gonna be toast!
:'''Helen:''' Stop running in the house. Sit down!
:''[Violet angrily puts a force field in front of Dash to stop him, laughing]''
:'''Dash''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;''''Ow! Hey, no force fields!''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Violet:''' You started it.
:'''Helen:''' ''[stretches her arms to grab Dash and Violet]'' You sit down! You sit down! Violet! ''[Dash and Violet go under the table to fight with Helen’s arms still attached; Jack-Jack is clearly enjoying this]'' Ow! Ow!
:'''Bob:''' ''[gets another plate while still reading the newspaper]'' Simon J. Paladino, longtime advocate of superhero rights, is missing? Gazerbeam.
:'''Helen:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''BOB! IT'S TIME TO ENGAGE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; Do something! Don’t just stand there! I need you to... intervene!
:'''Bob:''' You want me to intervene? Okay!
:''[picks up the table and Helen, with the kids still fighting]''
:'''Bob:''' I’m intervening, I’m intervening!
:'''Helen:''' Violet, let go of your brother!
:''[The doorbell rings.]''
:'''Jack-Jack:''' Hello?
:'''Bob:''' Get the door.
:''[The family quickly goes back to their regular positions except for Dash, who runs over to answer the door.]''
:'''Dash:''' Hey, Lucius!
:'''Lucius''': Hey, Speedo! Hey, Helen. Vi, Jack-Jack.
:''[Dash runs back to his seat at the table]''
:'''Bob:''' He-hey! '''''Ice of you''''' to drop by.
:'''Lucius:''' Ha! Never heard '''''that''''' one before.
:'''Dash''' ''[gargling]:'' Oh, Lucius! ''[He spits water in the air.]''
:'''Lucius:''' Whoa!
:''[He freezes the spit shot and catches it.]''
:'''Lucius''': Ah-ha.
:'''Dash:''' Aw... I like it when it shatters.
:'''Bob:''' I’ll be back later.
:'''Helen:''' Hey, where are you two going?
:'''Bob:''' It’s Wednesday.
:'''Helen:''' Oh. Bowling night. Say hello to Honey for me, Lucius.
:'''Lucius:''' Will do. Good night, Helen. Good night, kids.
:'''Helen:''' ''[glares at Dash]'' Don’t think you’ve avoided talking about your trip to the principal’s office, young man. Your father and I are still gonna discuss it.
:'''Dash:''' I’m not the only kid who’s been sent to the office, you know.
:'''Helen:''' Other kids don’t have superpowers. Now, it’s perfectly normal...
:'''Violet:''' Normal? What do '''''you''''' know about normal? What does '''''anyone in this family know about normal'''''?
:'''Helen:''' Now, wait a minute, young lady.
:'''Violet:''' We act normal, mom! I wanna '''''be''''' normal! The only '''''normal one''''' is Jack-Jack, and he’s not even toilet trained!!
:''[Jack-Jack laughs]''
:'''Dash:''' Lucky. I meant about being normal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bob and Lucius sit in Lucius's large, comfortable sedan, which is parked in a run-down city neighborhood, reminiscing. A portable police scanner sits on the dashboard, volume low, occasionally interrupting his story]''
:'''Lucius:''' So now I’m in deep trouble. I mean, one more jolt of this death ray and I’m an epitaph. Somehow I managed to find cover and what does Baron Von Ruthless do?
:'''Bob:''' ''[laughing]'' He starts monologuing.
:'''Lucius:''' He starts monologuin'! He starts, like, this prepared speech about how '''''feeble''''' I am compared to him. How '''''inevitable my defeat is''''', how the '''''world will soon be his'''''! Yada, yada, yada.
:'''Bob:''' Yammerin'.
:'''Lucius:''' Yammerin'! I mean, the guy has me on a platter, and he won’t shut up.
:'''Police Radio:''' Municiberg, we have a 23-56...
:''[Bob turns up the volume, suddenly intense]''
:'''Bob:''' 23-56, what is that? Robbery?
:'''Lucius:''' This is just sad.
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, robbery. Wanna catch a robber?
:'''Lucius:''' No. Tell you the truth, I’d rather go '''''bowling'''''. Look, what if we actually '''''did''''' what our wives '''''think we’re doing'''''? Just to shake things up.
:''[Meanwhile, in an undercover car....]''
:'''Mirage:''' He’s not alone. The fat guy’s still with him. They’re just talking.
:''[Back in Lucius's car]''
:'''Lucius:''' What are we doin' here, Bob?
:'''Bob:''' We're protecting people.
:'''Lucius:''' Nobody '''''asked us'''''.
:'''Bob:''' You need an '''''invitation'''''?
:'''Lucius:''' I’d like one, yes. We keep sneakin' out to do this, and... you remember Gazerbeam?
:'''Bob:''' Yeah. There was somethin' about him in the paper.
:'''Lucius:''' He had trouble adjusting to civilian life, too.
:'''Bob:''' When’s the last time you saw him?
:'''Lucius:''' I don’t see anyone from the old days, Bob. Just you. And we’re pushin' our luck as it is.
:'''Bob:''' Oh, come on. Come on, come on.
:'''Lucius:''' It was fun the first time, but if we keep doin' this, we’re gonna get''—''
:'''Police Radio:''' We have a report on a fire...
:'''Bob:''' A fire. We’re close! ''[yelling]'' &lt;big&gt;'''YEAH, BABY!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lucius:''' We’re gonna get caught.
:'''Bob:''' WOOO-HOO!
:''[Lucius reluctantly drives forward...]''
:'''Bob:''' Fire! Yeah!
:''[...as the undercover car follows them]''
:''[The camera pans through the inside of a burning building, and then centers on Lucius and Bob, who are both carrying several people over their shoulders]''
:'''Lucius:''' Is that everybody!?
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, that’s everyone!
:'''Lucius:''' It '''''better be'''''. ''[He attempts to generate ice in vain]''
:'''Bob:''' Can’t you put this out?
:'''Lucius:''' I can’t lay down a layer thick enough! It’s evaporating too fast!
:'''Bob:''' Well, what’s that mean?
:'''Lucius:''' It means it’s '''''hot'''''! And I’m '''''dehydrated''''', Bob!
:'''Bob:''' You’re out of ice? You can’t run out of ice! I thought you used the water in the air!
:'''Lucius:''' There '''''is''''' no water in this air! What’s your excuse, run outta muscle?!
:'''Bob:''' I just can’t go smashing into walls! The building’s getting weaker by the second! It’s gonna come down on top of us!
:'''Lucius:''' ''I'' wanted to go '''''bowling!!!'''''
:'''Bob:''' All right! Stay right on my tail! This is gonna get hot!
:''[Bob turns to his side and begins to run with Lucius following him. They crash through the side of the building into the building next to them. A second outside shot of the burning building shows it collapse.]''
:'''Bob:''' Yeah....
:''[But he realizes they’re in a jewelry store...]''
:'''Bob:''' Uh-oh.
:''[...and unknowingly trips the alarm]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, good.
:''[alarm sounds]''
:'''Lucius:''' Oh, now that ain’t right.
:'''Lucius:''' WE LOOK LIKE BAD GUYS! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''INCOMPETENT BAD GUYS!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Bob:''' You can get water out of the air!
:''[A police officer breaks in like '''[[w:Virtua Cop|Virtua Cop]]'''.]''
:'''Police Officer:''' FREEZE! ''[They do]'' ''[Lucius, noticing a water cooler, picks up a paper cup and begins to fill it with water]'' FREEZE!
:'''Lucius:''' I'm thirsty.
:'''Police Officer:''' I SAID &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''FREEZE!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lucius:''' I’m just... getting... a drink. ''[He drinks the water]''
:'''Police Officer:''' Alright. You’ve had your drink.... Now I want you to...
:'''Lucius:''' ''[Holding up hands in mock surrender]'' I know. I know... ''[drops the cup]'' '''Freeze.''' ''[He shoots a breeze of ice, freezing the officer and even the bullet]''
:''[police radio chatter]''
:'''Police Radio:''' Shots fired!
:'''Officers:''' '''POLICE OFFICERS!'''
:''[Drawing their guns, the cops are stopped by a bewildering sight: a recovering heap of rescued fire victims at the base of an enormous hole in the wall. Standing watch over them is the police officer, stunned and blinking under a layer of ice. Bob and Lucius jump into Lucius's car, pulling off their ski masks]''
:'''Lucius:''' That was way too close. We are not doing that again.
:'''Radio voice:''' Verify you wanna switch targets? Over.
:'''Mirage:''' Trust me. This is the one he’s been looking for.
:''[Bob enters quietly through the kitchen, pausing in the kitchen long enough to nab the remaining hunk of chocolate cake. Humming pleasantly as he chews, he moves into the living room when a voice comes out of the dark. Bob freezes. A light snaps on. A chair swivels around- it's Helen, wearing her robe and a peeved expression.]''
:'''Helen:''' ''[angrily]'' I thought you'd be back by 11.
:'''Bob:''' I said I'd be back later.
:'''Helen:''' I assumed you’d be back later. If you came back at all...you’d be &quot;back later&quot;.
:'''Bob:''' Well, I’m back, okay?
:'''Helen:''' ''[noticing a small piece of debris on Bob’s shirt]'' Is this... rubble?
:'''Bob:''' ''[with mouth full]'' It was just a little workout. Just to stay loose.
:'''Helen:''' You know how I feel about that, Bob! Darn you! We can’t blow our cover again!
:'''Bob:''' The building was coming down anyway.
:'''Helen:''' ''[shocked]'' What?! You knocked down a building?!
:'''Bob:''' It was on fire. Structurally unsound. It was coming down anyway.
:'''Helen:''' ''[facepalms]'' Tell me you haven't been listening to the police scanner again.
:'''Bob:''' Look, I performed a public service. You act like that’s a bad thing!
:'''Helen:''' It is a bad thing, Bob! Uprooting our family '''''again''''', so you can relive the glory days is a very bad thing!
:'''Bob:''' Reliving the glory days is better than acting like they didn’t happen!
:'''Helen:''' Yes! They happened! But this, our family, is what’s happening now, Bob. And you are missing this! I can’t believe you don’t wanna go to your own son’s graduation!
:'''Bob:''' It’s not a graduation. He’s moving from the fourth grade to the fifth grade.
:'''Helen:''' It’s a ceremony!
:'''Bob:''' It’s '''''psychotic'''''! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity but if someone is genuinely exceptional, then—
:'''Helen:''' This is not about you, Bob! This is about Dash!
:'''Bob:''' You wanna do something for Dash? Then let him actually compete! Let him go out for sports!
:'''Helen:''' I will not be made the enemy here! You know why we can’t do that!
:'''Bob:''' ''[enraged]'' BECAUSE HE'D BE GREAT!
:''[Helen angrily stretches her neck over Bob's head]''
:'''Helen:''' THIS IS NOT… '''ABOUT'''… &lt;big&gt;'''YOU'''!&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Off-screen, a soft ‘woosh’ is heard in the background. Bob and Helen turn to the couch.]''
:'''Bob:''' All right, Dash. I know you’re listening. Come on out.
:'''Helen:''' Vi? You, too, young lady. ''[Violet materializes]''
:'''Bob:''' Come on. Come on out. It’s okay, kids. We’re just having a discussion.
:'''Violet:''' Pretty ''loud'' discussion.
:'''Bob:''' Yeah. But that’s okay. Because what’s important is that Mommy and I are always a team. We’re always united against, uh, the forces of, uh...
:'''Helen:''' Pigheadedness?
:'''Bob:''' I was gonna say evil or something.
:'''Helen:''' We’re sorry we woke you. Everything’s okay. Go back to bed. It’s late.
:'''Dash:''' Good night, Mom. Night, Dad.
:'''Violet:''' Good night.
:'''Helen:''' In fact, we should '''''all''''' be in bed. ''[walks over to the nearby lamp and turns it off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut to the next day. Bob sits at his tiny desk. One look at his bleary face says it all: he hasn't slept all night. His intercom BEEPS. Bob glares at it a beat, then hits ANSWER.]''
:'''Woman''' ''[on phone]'': Request claim on claim numbers 158183....
:'''Huph:''' &lt;big&gt;'''''HAVEN'T YOU GOT HIM YET, HEY WHERE IS HE?!? PLEASE! RIGHT NOW!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Huph's Secretary:''' ''[over the intercom]'' Mr. Huph would like to talk to you in his office.
:'''Bob:''' Now?
:'''Huph's Secretary:''' '''''Now...'''''
:''[Huph shows up continues to yell indistinctly over the phone. Bob eventually gets up from his cubicle and heads to Huph's Office. Mirage slowly walks over, looks around and leaves something on his desk]''
:''[Cut to the inside of Huph's office. Marginally bigger than Bob's office, with a coveted window to the outside world. Painfully clean and joyless. Every pencil sharpened, every paper perfectly stacked and aligned to run parallel to the edge of the desktop]''
:''[Huph sharpens his pencil and aligns it with the other three]''
:'''Huph:''' Sit down, Bob.
:''[He does, moving the 4th pencil. Huph re-aligns it and starts.]''
:'''Huph:''' ''[seriously]'' I’m not happy, Bob. &lt;big&gt;Not.... happy?!?&lt;/big&gt; ''[He gets up.]'' Ask me why.
:'''Bob:''' Okay. Why?
:'''Huph:''' Why what? Be specific, Bob.
:'''Bob:''' Why are you unhappy?
:'''Huph:''' Your customers make me unhappy.
:'''Bob:''' What, you’ve gotten complaints?
:'''Huph:''' '''''Complaints''''' I can handle. What I can’t handle is your clients’ inexplicable knowledge of Insuricare’s inner workings!! They're experts! '''EXPERTS''', Bob! Exploiting every loophole, dodging every obstacle! They're '''''penetrating the bureaucracy!!'''''
:'''Bob:''' Did I do something illegal?
:'''Huph:''' ''[begrudgingly]'' ...no...
:'''Bob:''' Are you saying we shouldn’t help our customers?
:'''Huph:''' The law requires that I answer no.
:'''Bob:''' We’re supposed to help people!
:'''Huph:''' We're supposed to help '''''&lt;big&gt;&lt;u&gt;OUR&lt;/u&gt; PEOPLE!!&lt;/big&gt;''''' Starting with our stockholders, Bob! Who's helping them out, huh?!
:''[He sighs and regains composure.]''
:'''Huph:''' You know, Bob...
:''[He moves a letter that says:]''
:''[Memo: Policy Notification]''
:''[To: Employee]''
:''[From: Gilbert Huph]''
:''[Due to financial cutbacks, you will be expected to self-expense all office supplies, including but not limited to pencils, erasers, pens, paper, stationery, folders, staples, paper clips, brads, and photocopies. All parking will now be metered by the hour. Electricity consumption and all telephone charges will be deducted from your paycheck.]''
:''[The Board of Directors at Insuricare wishes to thank you for your selfless sacrifice through this time of financial uncertainty. It is because of you, the employee, that Insuricare has recorded its highest profit in years. Remember, a successful company makes for successful employees. Every penny you save is another penny that goes in....'' ''[the rest is covered by Huph's finger]''
:''[Salutations, Gilbert Huph]''
:'''Huph:''' ...a company...
:'''Bob:''' Is like an enormous clock.
:'''Huph:''' ...is like an enormous clo- Yes, precisely! It only works...if all the little cogs...mesh together! Now, a clock needs to be clean, well-lubricated and wound tight. The best clocks have jewel movements, cogs that fit, that cooperate by design. ''[chuckling]'' I’m being metaphorical, Bob....You know what I mean by cooperative cogs? Bob...?...Bob...?
:''[seriously grabs Bob by the chin and angrily pulls him toward him]'' '''''LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU, PARR!'''''
:''[Outside the window, Bob sees a man is being mugged]''
:'''Bob:''' That man out there, he needs help!
:'''Huph:''' Do '''''NOT''''' change the subject, Bob! We’re discussing &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''YOUR! ATTITUDE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Bob:''' He is getting mugged!
:'''Huph:''' Well, let’s hope we don’t cover him!
:'''Bob:''' ''[gets up out of his seat and heads for the door]'' I’ll be right back. ''[puts his hand on the doorknob]''
:'''Huph:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''STOP RIGHT NOW, OR YOU'RE FIRED!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[Bob stops, crushes the doorknob and angrily turns red]'' ''[Huph grins evilly]'' Close the door. ''[Bob reluctantly does]'' Get over here...now. ''[Bob lets go of the doorknob, now crushed out of shape, and walks over to Huph.]'' ''[seriously]'' I’m not happy, Bob. Not happy. ''[Bob watches the mugger getting away]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[seething]'' He got away.
:'''Huph:''' Good thing, too... heh! You were this close to losing your j-
:''[Bob furiously grabs Huph by the throat and throws him through 5 office walls. Huph crashes into a filing cabinet, badly injured. Everyone stares at Bob in shock]''
:'''Bob:''' Uh-oh.
:''[Cut to the hospital where Huph is seen in a full body cast in a hospital room]''
:'''PA:''' Please report to operating room 722 immediately.
:''[Rick Dicker comes out of the room where Huph is hospitalized. Bob and Rick conversate while heading to the elevator.]''
:'''Bob:''' How is he?
:'''Rick:''' He’ll live.
:'''Bob:''' I’m fired, aren’t I?
:'''Rick:''' Oh, you think?
:'''Bob:''' What can I say, Rick?
:'''Rick:''' Nothin' you haven’t said before.
:'''Bob:''' Someone was in trouble.
:'''Rick:''' Someone’s always in trouble.
:'''Bob:''' I had to do something.
:'''Rick:''' Yeah. Every time you say those words, it means a month and a half of trouble for me, Bob. It means hundreds of thousands of taxpayer’s dollars.
:''[Rick reaches and presses the down elevator button.]''
:'''Bob:''' I know.
:'''Rick:''' We gotta pay to keep the company quiet. We gotta pay damages, erase memories, relocate your family. Every time it gets harder. Money, money, money, money, money. W-We can’t keep doin' this, Bob! ''[he enters the elevator]'' We appreciate what you did in the old days, but those days are over. From now on, you're on your own.
:''[Bob stares at the floor, beaten. Rick looks at him with pity. Then as the elevator doors close, Rick stops it with his left arm]''
:'''Rick:''' Uh, listen, Bob.
:'''Rick:''' Maybe I could relocate you. You know, for old times’ sake.
:'''Bob:''' No. I can’t do that to my family. Everyone just got settled. I’ll make it work. Thanks.
:''[Rick stares at Bob a long moment. A bittersweet smile—]''
:'''Rick:''' Take care of yourself.
:''[Rick lets go of the elevator doors. Bob stares at them, numb]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bob climbs out of his car and is surprised to find Rusty on the Big Wheel, waiting in exactly the same spot as the day before]''
:'''Bob:''' Well, what are you waiting for?
:'''Rusty:''' I don’t know...something amazing, I guess....
:''[A rueful smile blooms and dies on Bob's face]''
:'''Bob:''' Me too, kid.
:''[Cut to a cramped, windowless museum of Mr. Incredible arcana. Walls and shelves cluttered with mementos of his storied past: framed photos, newspaper front pages, magazines, and, displayed on the wall under Plexiglas, his Mr. Incredible suit. Bob enters and closes the door. He opens his briefcase, pulls out an Insuricare employee manual. He growls and rips it in half, tossing it in the trashcan. On a roll now, he begins to dump the entire contents of his briefcase into the trash when—CLUNK! Bob double-takes— startled by the heavy sound. He peers over the edge of the desk, into the trash, and sees— a large manila envelope. He picks it up, and is surprised it's heavy. He opens it and pulls out a flat panel about a half-inch thick. On it is printed &quot;This End Up&quot;. He turns the panel as instructed. In the center is a small circle with writing beneath it. Bob squints, unable to read the tiny letters. He brings it closer—his point of view: As the letters... slowly... come... into... focus]''
:'''Bob''': Huh? Hold still?
:''[Suddenly, the panel projects a blue grid over Bob's face, we hear a robotic male voice]''
:'''Tablet''': Match: Mr. Incredible.
:''[Bob drops the panel in surprise. It clatters to the floor, still functioning. A small foot-long rod with the metal ball at the top pops out from the panel, the ball at the tip makes a quick, single revolution, scanning the surrounding room with a vertical beam]''
:'''Tablet''': Room is Secure. Commence Message.
:''[The panel flickers. It's a video screen. An image appears, the beautiful platinum blonde woman who visited earlier that day is seen]''
:'''Mirage:''' Hello, Mr. Incredible. Yes, we know who you are. Rest assured, your secret is safe with us. My name is Mirage. We have somethin' in common. According to the government, neither of us exist. Please pay attention, as this message is classified and will not be repeated.
:''[Bob quickly gets to his pencil case and tries a pencil; one is not working and then he grabs one that works. He starts taking notes on Mirage's message.]''
:'''Mirage:''' I represent a top-secret division of the government, designing and testing experimental technology, and we have need of your unique abilities. Something has happened at our testing facility. A highly experimental attack robot...
:'''Helen:''' ''[interrupting]'' Honey!
:'''Bob:''' Huh? What?
:'''Helen:''' Dinner’s ready!
:'''Bob:''' Okay!
:'''Mirage:''' ...has escaped control. Although it is contained within an isolated area, it threatens to cause incalculable damage to itself and to our facilities, jeopardizing hundreds of millions of dollars' worth of equipment in research...
:'''Helen:''' ''[interrupting]'' Is someone in there?
:'''Bob:''' It’s the TV, trying to watch!
:'''Mirage:''' Because of its highly sensitive nature, this mission does not, nor will it ever, exist.
:'''Helen:''' Well, stop trying. It’s time for dinner!
:'''Bob:''' One minute!
:'''Mirage:''' If you accept, your payment will be triple your current annual salary. ''[Bob's jaw goes slack. He scribbles &quot;BIG$&quot;]'' Call the number on the card. Voice-matching will be used to ensure security. The supers aren’t gone, Mr. Incredible. You’re still here...You can still do great things! Or...you can listen to police scanners. Your choice. You have 24 hours to respond. Think about it.
:''[The device shuts off. Bob realizes what Mirage said....and he looks at his past, knowing that this one chance could bring his glory days back...he then looks at his old suit, with a smile.]''
:''[Beeping, as Mirage's phone number is printed on a holographic card.]''
:'''Tablet:''' This...message...will...self-destruct.
:'''Bob:''' Uh-oh.
:''[He stumbles out of the office in a cloud of smoke. The smoke rises and triggers the fire alarm and sprinkler system. Violet shuts off panel, while Dash expresses joy.]''
:''[Helen is moving the chairs from the table; the front door is open to air out the house. Books of all kinds are on the counter as Bob uses a hair dryer to dry the pages]''
:'''Helen:''' You...are one distracted guy.
:'''Bob:''' Hmm? Am I? I don’t mean to be.
:'''Helen:''' I know you miss being a hero and your job is frustrating. I just want you to know how much it means to me that you stay at it anyway.
:'''Bob:''' Honey? About the job?
:'''Helen:''' What?
:'''Bob:''' Something’s happened.
:'''Helen:''' ''[concerned]'' '''What?'''
:'''Bob:''' The, uh...
:'''Helen:''' '''''What...'''''
:'''Bob:''' The company is sending me to, uh, a conference.
:'''Helen:''' A conference?
:'''Bob:''' ''[stammering]'' Out of town. And I’m just gonna be gone for a few days.
:'''Helen:''' They’ve never sent you to a conference before.... This is good, isn’t it?
:'''Bob:''' ''[hesitating]'' Yes.
:'''Helen:''' You see? They’re finally recognizing your talents.... you’re moving up!
:'''Bob:''' Yes.
:'''Helen:''' Honey! Awww...This is wonderful!
:'''Bob:''' Yes, it is.
:''[calls the number on the card. Mirage's number is shown: 866-787-7476]''
:'''Mirage:''' ''[over phone]'' Hello?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' This is Mr. Incredible....I’m in.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A sleek-looking Manta Jet slices the sky. Bob, clad in his old (and now too-tight) Mr. Incredible suit is on board along with Mirage. She is briefing Bob on his mission.]''
:'''Mirage:''' The Omnidroid 9000 is a top-secret prototype battle robot. Its artificial intelligence enables it to solve any problem it’s confronted with. And unfortunately...
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Let me guess. It got smart enough to wonder why it had to take orders.
:'''Mirage:''' We lost control. And now it’s loose in the jungle, threatening our facility. We’ve had to evacuate all personnel from the island for their own safety.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' How am I going in?
:'''Mirage:''' The Omnidroid’s defenses necessitate an airdrop from 5,000 feet. Its cloaking devices make it difficult to track. Although we’re pretty sure it’s on the southern half of the island. One more thing. Obviously, it represents a significant investment.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You want me to shut it down without completely destroying it.
:'''Mirage:''' You '''''are''''' Mr. Incredible.
:''[Bob is on an advanced seat, he puts his belt on, and the seat shifts into a bed, as it is about to enter a shuttle. However, being out of shape is causing a problem to get him into the shuttle. The soldier then increases the seat power and it successfully gets Mr. Incredible in the shuttle.]''
:'''Mirage:''' I’ve got to warn you, it’s a learning robot. Every moment you spend fighting it only increases its knowledge of how to beat you.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Shut it down. Do it quickly. Don’t destroy it.
:'''Mirage:''' And '''''don’t die.'''''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Great. Thanks.
:''[The shuttle ejects. It rockets down the island. After stopping, it propels with two blades. After a while, it lands. Mr. Incredible tries to get out, but his belly won't let him out. He goes back in and punches the shuttle in half. He flexes and gets ready.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Showtime.
:''[He explores the jungle, prepares to find the Omnidroid.]''
:''[He sees a blade mark on a tree and a cross on the grass. Suddenly, the Omnidroid surprises him from behind, as it tries to impale him unsuccessfully. It slashes a 3rd time, only against a mark on Mr. Incredible's arm. Mr. Incredible leaps over the robot and throws a punch that sends it flying to a tree.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[gruntingly]'' Yeah!
:''[The Omnidroid gets up, and the real fight begins.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Uh-oh.
:''[The Omnidroid charges at him, as he leaps over. The robot unfortunately calculated his leaping arc, and that allowed it to swat him mid-air, slamming Mr. Incredible into another tree that toppled onto the Omnidroid. But the robot rolled out of its way, and reformed. The robot curled up again to crush him, only for Mr. Incredible to dodge it, as it knocks down some trees before charging at him quickly. Mr. Incredible sprints his way off, but he almost gets crushed by the robot as he jumps over a cliff, slides on it, and lands. The Omnidroid arrives at a similar pace, as it receives a boulder from our hero. The Omnidroid does the same 3 times, the latter hitting Mr. Incredible. It almost impales him unsuccessfully. Its claw is lodged in the cliff, as the hero runs for safety. The Omnidroid pulls its limb out of the cliff and leaps high into the air, intent on crushing Mr. Incredible, who leapt out of the way and landed in the lava fields. The Omnidroid lands and makes an attempt to push Mr. Incredible into the lava as he tried to push back. After a few seconds however, he lets out a scream while using his maximum strength and jerk-pulls the robot aside into the lava.]''
:''[Bob laughs in what he thought was his victory, but after trying to spin, his spine cracks.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' AH! Ow, ow, ow! OH, MY BACK!
:''[The Omnidroid suddenly bursts out of the lava through a piece of the stone platform, making it crack. It proceeds to spin its claws, as Mr. Incredible leaps on a chunk of rock. But then the Omnidroid grabs him by his feet with one of its claws and slams him to the ground before grabbing his arms with another. It begins to pull him apart.... until it stops when it accidentally fixes his back.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Oh....Hahaha!
:''[He then jack-knifes, ripping the claw off one of its arms. He runs under the robot, as it uses its lower sensor cluster. Just as it spots its target, he rips it off, and climbs inside the robot, as it unintentionally starts damaging itself. After a while, it stops, weakened. Mr. Incredible punches off its upper sensor cluster, as it whistles while &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;riding&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt; the robot. The robot tries to pull him out, but it accidentally tears out its CPU. Mr. Incredible jumps out of the robot and casually walks away, as the Omnidroid motionlessly falls down.]''
:''[A mecha-macaw observed everything, as it zooms to the screen.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[first words; silhouetted, to Mirage]'' Surprising. We must bring him back. Sound the all-clear, and…invite him to dinner.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Incredible is in a pod, inside the volcano's magma flows. He waits for Mirage in a huge dining room, while peeking to see who the mysterious man was.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[silhouetted]'' Most important, keep things light. Praise him. Make him feel like we appreciate his abilities.
:''[He hides back and pretends to have waited long enough.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Am I overdressed?
:'''Mirage:''' Actually, you look rather dashing.
:''[They head to the dining table and sit.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I take it our host is...
:'''Mirage:''' Oh, I’m sorry. He won’t be dining with us. He hopes you’ll understand.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Of course. I do usually make it a point to know who I’m working for.
:'''Mirage:''' He prefers a certain amount of anonymity. Surely, you of all people understand that.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I was just wondering, of all the places to settle down, why live...
:'''Mirage''': In a volcano? He’s attracted to power. So am I. It’s a weakness we share.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Seems a bit unstable.
:'''Mirage:''' I prefer to think of it as misunderstood.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible)''' ''[chuckling]:'' Aren’t we all?
:'''Mirage:''' Volcanic soil is among the most fertile on Earth. Everything at the table was grown right here. How does it compare?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Everything’s delicious.
:''[Bob raises his glass. Mirage smiles and does likewise]''
:''[MONTAGE: INCREDIBLE AGAIN — His self-esteem back, Bob returns home with renewed vigor. He bonds with his kids, gets frisky with Helen, and takes pride in his new appearance. He buys a new snazzy sports car for himself, and a new car for Helen. After he says goodbye to Helen several mornings, clearly pretending to go off to the job he no longer holds at Insuricare, we see how he's actually spending his days; dropping weight and getting in shape. The Superheroic workouts do their job; Bob is in the best shape he's been in many years.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bob, now dressed in a more expensive and tailored version of his Insuricare suit, pauses to examine the torn spot on his Mr. Incredible supersuit]''
:'''Bob:''' Ah, jeez.
:'''Helen:''' Hurry, honey! Or you’ll be late for work! ''[Bob quickly stuffs his SUPERSUIT into his briefcase and snaps it shut.]'' Have a great day, honey.
:'''Bob:''' Thanks.
:'''Helen:''' Help customers, climb ladders...
:'''Bob:''' Bring bacon?
:'''Helen:''' All that jazz.
:''[Bob drives away. He pulls up to an imposing gate, a futuristic web of parallel laser beams. He turns toward a video screen and presses a button beneath it. The video screen lights up, revealing a burly guard]''
:'''Guard:''' You have an appointment?
:'''Bob:''' I’m an old friend. I just wanted to...
:'''Guard:''' All visitors are required to make a reser—
:''[The guard suddenly flinches from something below camera, and is shooed offscreen by a strident, husky female voice. A pair of huge glasses fronting the top half of a head rises into the bottom half of the screen, out of focus. This is Edna Mode, known by her friends simply as &quot;E.&quot;]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' ''[shoos the guard away]'' Get back to work! Go check the electric fence or something! What is it? Who are you? What do you want?
:''[Bob lowers his sunglasses]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, you’ve gotten fat. Come in, Come, come!
:''[The gate opens, and Bob drives up the long driveway that winds up the hill to E's tastefully arty palace.]''
:''[E leads Bob through the tasteful, minimalistic entranceway into her massive living room. E is in her early sixties, half German, half Japanese, and like both of those small countries, not to be underestimated.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, things are going quite well. Quite well. My God, no complaints. But, you know, it is not the same. Not the same at all.
:'''Bob:''' Weren’t you just in the news? Some show in Prayge...Prague?
:'''Edna Mode:''' Milan, darling. Milan. Supermodels. Ha! Nothing super about them. Spoiled, stupid, little stick figures with poofy lips who think only about themselves. Feh! I used to design for gods.... but perhaps you come with a challenge, eh? I was surprised to get your call.
:'''Bob:''' E, I just need a patch job.
:''[Bob hands E his damaged suit. She examines it, frowning.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Hmm. This is megamesh. Outmoded, but very sturdy. And you’ve torn '''''right through it'''''! What have you been '''''doing''''', Robert? Moonlighting hero work?
:'''Bob:''' Musta happened a long time ago.
:'''Edna Mode:''' I see. This is a '''''hobo suit''''', darling, you can’t be seen in this! ''[throws it away]'' I won’t allow it! Fifteen years ago, maybe, but now?
:'''Bob:''' ''[takes it out of the garbage]'' What do you mean? You designed it.
:'''Edna Mode:''' I never look back, darling. It distracts from the now. You need a new suit. That much is certain.
:'''Bob:''' A new suit? Where the heck am I gonna get a new suit?
:'''Edna Mode:''' '''''You can't!''''' It’s impossible! I’m far too busy. So ask me now, before I again become sane....
:'''Bob:''' Wait....you want... to make me... a suit?
:'''Edna Mode:''' You push too hard, darling! But I accept. It will be bold. Dramatic!
:'''Bob:''' Yeah.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Heroic!
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, something classic, like Dynaguy! Oh! He had a great look! Oh, the cape and the boots—
:'''Edna Mode:''' No capes! ''[She throws a paper ball at him.]''
:'''Bob:''' Isn’t that '''''my decision'''''?
:''[Unaccustomed to being questioned, E visibly stiffens.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Do you remember... Thunderhead?
:''[FLASHBACK: THUNDERHEAD IN HIS PRIME --beefy and B-movie handsome, decked out in a splendid outfit with elegant floor-length cape.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' ''[voiceover]'' Tall, storm powers. Nice man. Good with kids.
:'''Bob:''' Listen, E...
:'''Edna Mode:''' November 15th of ‘58. ''[RESUME FLASHBACK — A madman aims a missile launcher at a city across a bay. Thunderhead leaps into frame, dispatches him with a single punched and turns the missile towards the open sea. His duty done, he turns and smiles at a young lady standing nearby, failing to notice that his cape has caught on the missile, voiceover, continued]'' All was well, another day saved, when— ''[The rocket blasts into the distance, taking Thunderhead with it, voiceover, continued]'' —his cape snagged on a missile fin. ''[INTERCUT: comically brief FLASHBACKS [as E describes them] of each Super being doomed by his or her cape.]''
:'''Bob:''' Thunderhead was not the brightest bulb...
:'''Edna Mode:''' Stratogale! April 23rd, ‘57. Cape caught in a jet turbine. 
:'''Bob:''' E, you can’t generalize about these things.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Meta-Man, Express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''NO CAPES!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; Now, go on. Your new suit will be finished before your next assignment.
:'''Bob:''' You know I’m retired from hero work.
:'''Edna Mode:''' As am I, Robert. Yet here we are.
:'''Bob:''' E, I only need a patch job. For... sentimental reasons.
:'''Edna Mode:''' ''[she sighs begrudgingly]'' Fine. I will '''''also''''' fix the hobo suit...
:'''Bob:''' You’re the best of the best, E.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, I know, darling. ''[whispering]'' I know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut to Casa de Parr where Helen, in the bedroom, plucks one of Bob's enormous shirts from a stack of freshly cleaned laundry and hangs it up in their closet, when something catches her eye: A long, PLATINUM-BLONDE HAIR (Mirage's) on Bob's suit jacket. Helen plucks it off, examining it. The phone rings. She goes to answer it, hesitating when she hears—]''
:'''Bob:''' ''[off-screen, in his home office]'' I got it, I got it! Don’t answer it, honey, I got it!
:''[Helen frowns. There's something suspicious about Bob's eagerness.]''
:'''Bob:''' Hello?
:'''Mirage:''' ''[from the Nomanisan Control Room]'' We have a new assignment for you.
:''[Helen, in the bedroom, carefully picks up the phone, puts her finger on the switch hook, places a hand over the mouthpiece, and listens in]''
:'''Mirage:''' How soon can you get here?
:'''Bob:''' I’ll leave tomorrow morning.
:'''Mirage:''' See you there.
:'''Bob:''' Goodbye.
:''[Bob hangs up the phone and moves to the door, opening it. Helen is there, blocking the doorway. She forces a smile.]''
:'''Helen:''' Who was that, honey? The, uh, office?
:'''Bob:''' Another conference. Short notice, but you know...duty calls. ''[nervous laugh. Bob squeezes past her and exits. Helen stares into his den, feeling suspicious and impotent.]''
:''[cut to the garage where Bob is seated in his new sports car, its engine purring. He belts himself in. Helen enters, still in her robe.]''
:'''Helen:''' Bob?
:'''Bob:''' Yeah, what’s up, honey?
:'''Helen:''' ''[A storm of conflicting emotions play across her face. But she puts on a happy face and leans down through his open window.]'' Ha....have a great trip.
:'''Bob:''' Thanks, sweetie. I’ll call you when I get there.
:'''Helen:''' I love you... so much.
:''[Something in her voice makes Bob hesitate. He looks back at her, curious]''
:'''Bob:''' I love you too.
:''[He gives her a kiss, then backs out of the driveway, and, with a wave, drives off.]''
:''[Bob is now on Syndrome's Manta Jet. Leaner and meaner in his new supersuit, he dips a fresh shrimp into some cocktail sauce and gazes around the luxurious cabin. He's happy as a clam.]''
:'''Manta Jet Autopilot:''' This is your automated Captain speaking. Would you care for more mimosa?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Don’t mind if I do. Thanks.
:''[His glass disappears into his armrest, instantly replaced by a full glass of mimosa.]''
:'''Manta Jet Autopilot:''' You’re welcome. Currently 78 degrees in Nomanisan. Perfect weather for flying. Please fasten your seatbelt. We’re beginning our descent.
:''[As the jet begins its descent toward the island, we begin to see its spectacular aspects: active volcano, towering snowcapped peak, tumbling waterfalls, futuristic monorail, etc.... a paradise on earth. Suddenly the engines cut off and the jet plunges, nose down, into the sea, converting into a submersible.]''
:''[The jet sub cruises through a fantastic seascape of exotic otherworldly rock formations, toward the base of the island through vast curtains of bubbles created from a field of cooling lava. A massive door opens, revealing a huge underwater docking bay. The ship enters, the entrance closing behind them. The water drains. The jet sub settles to a landing. A giant docking tube extends from a side wall and connects to the side of the jet sub. Bob turns as a door opens, revealing a small side chamber and a pair of shapely legs. Mirage leans into view.]''
:'''Mirage:''' Hello, Mr. Incredible. Nice suit.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Thanks. Nice to be back, Mirage.
:''[Bob enters the monopod. The doors shut and it takes off. The monopod zooms along a track which rises from a tunnel beneath the lagoon and sweeps through the jungle. Although this is his second time here, Bob is seeing the island with new eyes. It is a WONDER. The monopod track disappears straight into a rushing waterfall. Suddenly the waterfall parts, the water separating like an enormously long chiffon curtain, revealing the intricately designed architecture hidden underneath. Continuing as it enters a vertical tube and zooms upward into the dark. Elevator doors slide open crisply. Bob enters and takes in the room. It is small, open and tasteful, with a balcony overlooking a breathtaking view of the jungle and the ocean beyond.]''
:'''Mirage:''' You’ll be briefed on your assignment in the conference room at two. D Wing, room A-113.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' 2:00. Got it.
:'''Mirage:''' See you there.
:''[Mirage leaves. Bob enters, throwing his case on the bed. He grabs a pear from a bowl of fresh fruit and takes a bite. He steps out on his balcony and leans against the railing. He could get used to paradise.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Helen vacuums the hallway next to Bob's office. She vacuums the carpet near the door, hears the vacuum pick up filth and groans before entering the room. She begins to vacuum the office and notices the door displaying Bob's old supersuit is open. She observes the suit and notices a rip in the left arm of the suit has been fixed]''
:'''Helen:''' ''[gasps, realizing who repaired the suit]'' Edna? I'd like to speak with Edna.
:'''Edna Mode:''' This is Edna.
:'''Helen:''' E? This is Helen.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Helen who?
:'''Helen:''' Helen Parr? You know... Elastigirl.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Darling! ''[Helen nearly drops the phone]'' It’s been such a long time after all these years! So long!
:'''Helen:''' Yes, yes, yes. It’s been a while. Listen, there’s only one person Bob would trust to patch his supersuit and that’s you.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, yes, yes. Marvelous, isn’t it? Much better than those horrible pajamas he used to wear. They are finished. When are you coming to see?
:'''Helen:''' Look, I’m calling about...
:'''Edna Mode:''' Don’t make me beg, darling. I won’t do it, you know.
:'''Helen:''' Beg? Uh, no. I’m calling about suit. Ab-about Bob’s suit! I’m calling about Bob’s suit!
:'''Edna Mode:''' You come in one hour, darling. I insist, okay? Okay. Goodbye.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bob enters the conference room. No one is there. He checks the wall clock: two o'clock. He decides to enter and takes a seat at the table. There are some strange, low sounds. Then the far wall slides open, revealing the outdoors and — a bigger, badder Omnidroid.]''
:''[Bob turns to run, but the Omnidroid is fast. It grabs him and flings him into the outside air. Bob sails to the edge of the jungle, landing with a thud. Before he can react, the robot has him again and slams him into the ground. A voice comes over a loudspeaker.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' '''''It’s bigger! It’s badder!'''''
:''[The robot seizes Bob in one giant claw, turning two others into whirling blades. They close in on Bob's neck — when Syndrome descends from the sky on jet-boots, landing on top of the enormous robot]''
:'''Syndrome:''' '''''Ladies and gentlemen, it's... too much for Mr. Incredible!'''''
:''[Syndrome reveals himself.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Whoa, Whoa! Whoa! It’s finally ready! ''[He shuts down the blades of the Omnidroid.]'' You know, I went through quite a few supers to get it worthy to fight you, but man, it wasn’t good enough!! After you trashed the last one, I had to make some major modifications. Sure it was difficult, but you are worth it. I mean, after all... I am your biggest fan.
:''[Bob suddenly recognizes some familiarity with his rejected sidekick]''
:'''Bob:''' Buddy?
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[furiously yells at Mr. Incredible]'' My name is not... &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''BUDDY!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[The Omnidroid throws Bob on the floor. Syndrome lands]'' And it’s not Incrediboy either! That ship has sailed. All I wanted was to help you. I only wanted to HELP! AND WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?! ''[flashback to a shot from the prologue, softened by memory.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Fly home, Buddy. I work alone. ''[Buddy, still in his IncrediBoy costume, but without the mask, glowers up at his poster to Mr. Incredible and tears it  off the wall]''
:'''Syndrome''' ''[as the flashback ends]'': It tore me apart. But I learned an important lesson: You can’t count on anyone. '''Especially''' your heroes.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I was wrong to treat you that way. I’m sorry!
:'''Syndrome:''' See? Now you respect me, because I’m a ''threat''. That’s the way it works. Turns out there’s a lot of people, whole countries who want respect. And they will pay through the nose to get it. How do you think I got rich? I build weapons. And now I have a weapon only I can defeat. And when I unleash it, I’ll get— Ah! ''[Mr. Incredible throws a log at Syndrome, but he dodges it hastily. He gets back up and freezes Mr. Incredible with a zero-point energy beam]'' ''[laughing]'' You sly dog! You got me monologuing! I can’t believe it. ''[He slams Bob into the ground.]'' It’s cool, huh? Zero-point energy. I saved the best powers for myself. ''[He continues throwing Bob around with the ZPE ray.]'' Am I good enough now? Who’s super now? I’m Syndrome! Your nemesis and- ''[He makes a grandiose gesture with his arms, inadvertently flinging Mr. Incredible into the jungle.]'' Oh, brilliant. ''[Bob lands somewhere on a lake. Syndrome spots him and flies towards him. Bob jumps down while Syndrome watches him falling into the bade of a waterfall. He taps a button in his wrist cuff, which activates a tiny bomb.]'' All right, try this one on for size, big boy. ''[He drops it to the base of the waterfall. Bob spots the bomb as he tries to swim away from it, although he is soon caught in the blast. He emerges out of the water, gasping, in a cave system. He turns his head, and leaps back, realizing he is face to face with a skeleton. Slowly, he moves back towards the skeleton, noticing that it has an eye visor and a cape. He rubs some dirt from the emblem over the eyes: the emblem reads &quot;GB&quot;.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Gazerbeam? ''[The skeleton is still sitting up, and Bob is compelled to follow its gaze to the adjacent cave wall. There — presumably in his dying moments, Gazerbeam had burned a word into the rock: &quot;KRONOS&quot;.]'' Kronos? ''[He suddenly hears a probe entering the cave. He hides behind Gazerbeam's skeleton. The probe scans the room, does a quick scan of Gazerbeam's skeleton and leaves. The view cuts to the probe returning to Syndrome's wrist cuff.]''
:'''Probe:''' Life reading negative. Mr. Incredible terminated. ''[Syndrome walks away in a satisfied smile for his plans.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut to Edna's palace; E and Helen are walking down the hallway to her lab]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' This project has completely confiscated my life, darling. Consumed me as only hero work can. My best work, I must admit. Simple, elegant, yet bold. You will die.
:'''Helen:''' E, I just...
:'''Edna Mode:''' I did Robert’s suit, and it turned out so beautiful, I had to continue.
:'''Helen:''' E, it’s great to see you, but I gotta tell you I have no idea what you’re talking about. I just...
:'''Edna Mode:''' Yes, words are useless. Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble! Too much of it, darling. TOO MUCH! That is why I '''''show you''''' my work. That is why you are here!
:''[She turns to the wall and rapidly executes an elaborate series of security measures; punches a fifteen-digit code with her left hand, while pressing her right hand against a biometric scanner. It flashes, as she exposes her eyes to a retinal scan which causes a microphone to extend from the wall to her lips]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Edna Mode. ''[In a flash: a ceiling panel opens, and out pops an enormous gun, which trains its sights on Helen. E sees this, turns back to the microphone, adding hastily]'' And guest. ''[The weapons retreat]''
:''[The gun retreats into the ceiling. The wall in front of them opens dramatically, revealing Edna's testing lab. A large, ultra-sophisticated work area, dedicated to the design, fabrication, and testing of superhero suits. E crosses to a large, raised platform mounted to a track running parallel to a glassed-in chamber, and sits in one of the two chairs facing it. Between the chairs is a small table with a fresh pot of coffee and assorted cookies. E motions Helen to join her]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Come. Sit. Cream and sugar?
:''[Hands Helen the cup of coffee]''
:'''Helen:''' Thanks.
:'''Edna Mode:''' I started with the baby.
:'''Helen:''' '''''Started?'''''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Shh! Darling! Shh! ''[Inside the chamber, a panel opens. A small, featureless baby mannequin in a tiny red suit (sporting the same &quot;i&quot; insignia as Bob's) mounted to a post emerges, tracking slowly from one end of the chamber to the other.]'' I cut it a little roomy for the free movement. The fabric is comfortable for sensitive skin ''[Helen jumps back as E continues talking. Flamethrowers throw fire at the suit without leaving burn marks]'' and can also withstand a temperature of over 1000 degrees. Completely bulletproof. ''[machine guns train on the suit and empty rounds into it without causing any damage]'' And machine washable, darling. That’s a new feature.
:'''Helen:''' What '''''on Earth''''' do you think the baby will be doing??
:'''Edna Mode:''' Well, I’m sure I '''''don’t know''''', darling. Luck favors the prepared. I didn’t know the baby’s powers, so I covered the basics.
:'''Helen:''' Jack-Jack doesn’t have any powers.
:'''Edna Mode:''' No? Well, he’ll look fabulous anyway.
:''[As the baby suit exits one end, the panel reopens on the other side. Another mannequin Dash's size swings into the smoky chamber; its arms and legs slowly churning in a &quot;running&quot; motion which gradually accelerates into a blur.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Your boy’s suit I designed to withstand enormous friction without heating up or wearing out. A useful feature. ''[The Dash suit departs into the wall as a new suit enters. It's Violet's.]'' Your daughter’s suit was tricky. But I finally created a sturdy material that will disappear completely as she does. ''[it briefly disappears and then reappears. Helen's suit moves into view. Robot arms enter from above and below, clamp to the sleeves of the arms and pants, and begin to pull them while twisting them]'' Your suit can stretch as far as you can, without injuring yourself, ''[the suit gets stretched]'' and still retain its shape. Virtually indestructible... ''[two missiles fire at the suit, but the suit sustains no damage]'' yet it breathes like Egyptian cotton. As an extra feature, each suit contains a homing device, giving you the precise global location of the wearer at the touch of a button. ''[hands Helen one, showing the tracking location of one of the suits, specifically Bob's]'' Well, darling? What do you think?
:'''Helen:''' What do I think? '''''Bob''''' is retired! '''''I’m''''' retired! Our family is underground. You helped my husband resume secret hero work behind my back?!
:'''Edna Mode:''' Well, I assumed you '''''knew''''', darling. Why would he keep secrets from '''''you'''''?
:'''Helen:''' He wouldn’t. Didn’t. Doesn’t.
:'''Edna Mode:''' Men at Robert’s age are often unstable. Prone to weakness.
:'''Helen:''' What are you saying?
:'''Edna Mode:''' Do you know where he is?
:'''Helen:''' Of....cours-
:'''Edna Mode:''' Do you '''''know'''''.... where he is?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Back in Nomanisan, Bob is hiding in brush at the top of a cliff. Along the waterline far below, a monopod streaks toward him along a track which curves around the coastline. Bob crouches... and dives — we fall with him, whistling through the air until we hit a palm tree. The palm bends, slowing Bob's drop before he expertly releases it and drops into another palm directly below it. Bob leaps onto the roof of the pod, quickly dispatching the guards inside, tossing them into the ocean. Bob seats himself at the controls, as the pod races toward Syndrome's base and a security checkpoint. Two guards look up as they hear the monopod approach. A sparking wheel carriage arrives at the gate, its cab completely torn off and missing. Suddenly alert, the guards cock their guns and aim into the dark. We hear a distant grunt. A moment later the cab falls from the sky, crashing on top of the guards. Bob runs through the wrecked gate, toward the base. Bob pulls up behind some trees. There are several guards; two at the vehicle entrance, another at the balcony above. Bob thinks a bit, looks down and finds a coconut. With expert precision, he throws it at the balcony guard, beaning him. He falls off the balcony and hits the ground.]''
:''[voice on radio]''
:'''Guard 1:''' Hey, hey. We got a man down!
:'''Guard 2:''' Come on, let’s go.
:'''Guard 2:''' Are you okay? What happened?
:''[over radio]'' Break surveillance and engage. Continuing sweep...
:''[The other guards rush to help him, leaving their post. Bob runs up to the vehicle entrance — it's locked tight. Bob sees shadows of guards approaching, he's out in the open and about to be caught when — the door suddenly sweeps up and opens, taking Bob with it. A medical transport comes out of the open bay, and as the door moves closed behind it, we see Bob drop into the garage. Elevator. Bob emerges in the dining hall and stares at the lava fall. He knows there is a secret passage behind it. He picks up a large stone sculpture in the shape of a Moai head and readies to run into the lava fall. One... two... thr— Bob is startled by a flash of light behind the fall; the passage is opening. He loses his balance, struggling to set the massive sculpture back into place before Mirage enters. Bob rushes into the closing passage. Jumps clear just as passage closes. A series of parallel floor lights click on. Bob follows them to an elaborate chair in the center of the room, lit from above. Bob sits down in the chair. A giant. curved screen lights up in front of him, with a blinking cursor in its center. Bob types in &quot;KRONOS&quot;. The computer screen refreshes: Bob is in.]''
:''[Switch back to Helen and E]''
:'''Woman:''' ''[over phone]'' Insuricare.
:'''Helen:''' Oh, hello. This is Helen Parr. Bob Parr is my husband. I was wondering if you could give me the number of the hotel he’s staying at. The number I have is, uh, no good.
:'''Woman:''' Mr. Parr no longer works at Insuricare.
:'''Helen:''' ''[confused]'' What do you mean? He’s on a business trip. A company retreat.
:'''Woman:''' My records say his employment was terminated almost two months ago.
:''[Switch back to Bob. After apparently searching one of the information sectors, he proceeds to go to the &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;Supers&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt; sector. He presses &quot;return&quot;, and it's a slideshow of the superheroes and the older Omnidroids.]''
:''[The sequence is as follows:]''
:''[Universal Man - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X1]''
:''[Psycwave - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X1]''
:''[Everseer - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X1]''
:''[Macroburst - Terminated Omnidroid v.X1]''
:''[Macroburst - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X2]''
:''[Phylangue - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X2]''
:''[Blazestone - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X2]''
:''[Switch back to Helen and E. Helen's call ends, as she worries for Bob.]''
:''[Switch back again to Bob in the Computer room. The sequence continues.]''
:''[Downburst - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X3]''
:''[Hyper Shock - Terminated Omnidroid v.X3]''
:''[Hyper Shock - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Apogee - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Unknown Super - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Blitzerman - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Tradewind - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Vectress - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Unknown Super - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Gazerbeam - Terminated Omnidroid v.X4]''
:''[Gazerbeam - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X5]''
:''[Stormicide - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X5]''
:''[Gamma Jack - Terminated Omnidroid v.X5]''
:''[Gamma Jack - Terminated by Omnidroid v.X6]''
:''[Unknown Super - Terminated Omnidroid v.X6]''
:''[Switch back to Helen and E.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' So, you don’t know where he is.
:''[She shows a tracking device to Helen.]''
:'''Edna Mode:''' Would you like to find out...?
:''[Switch back to Bob; the sequence has ended.]''
:''[He types &quot;Elastigirl&quot; into the search engine and the screen displays her location as &quot;UNKNOWN&quot;. He gives a relieved sigh. Helen reluctantly takes the homing locator from E and stares at it; not sure she wants to know what it may tell her. He then types &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;Frozone&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt; into the search engine and the screen displays his location as &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;KNOWN&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;. Shortly after, he types himself on the search engine. The screen displays him as &lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt;TERMINATED&lt;nowiki&gt;''&lt;/nowiki&gt; by the Omnidroid v.X9. Cut back to E and Helen. E gives the tracker device to Helen. Cut back to Mr. Incredible in the Computer Room. He is now looking at Syndrome's master plan, which seems to indicate unleashing the Omnidroid on Municiberg, and then Operation Kronos's sequence begins. It shows the Omnidroid v.10. Then, Mr. Incredible goes through the phases]''
:''[First Phase: Secure the Omnidroid into a Rocketship.]''
:''[Second Phase: Launch the Rocket towards Metroville.]''
:''[Third Phase: Destroy the city with the robot deployed.]''
:''[The countdown begins, showing 8 hours, 10 minutes and 39 seconds until the Omnidroid is launched. Mr. Incredible retreats. Cut Back to Helen. Helen presses the locator button on the homing tracker. On the viewscreen, the locator isolates a remote island. As the dot over the &quot;i&quot; on his chest-logo lights up. We hear a beeping noise. Mr. Incredible looks down in surprise. An alarm sounds as the room is awash in bright light. Unwittingly, Helen has exposed him. Mr. Incredible races for the exit but is hit by sticky, expanding and pressure absorbent orbs fired from guns lining the walls, which inflate, quickly making it impossible to run. Mr. Incredible falls to the floor, swallowed up by the expanding goo. From his POV: The expanding goo-balls fill up the POV but not before Bob makes out the recognizable figure approaching him: Mirage. Cut back to E and Helen in her kitchen. Coffee has been made and partially consumed. The morning paper, still rolled, rests on the table. Helen, eyes reddened from crying, blows her nose into a wadded length of toilet paper handed to her by a mildly disgusted E.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helen:''' Oh, I am such an idiot. I let this happen, you know. The new sports car, the getting in shape, the blond hair, the lies...
:'''Edna Mode:''' ''[coldly]'' Yes, he attempts to relive the past. ''[she uses the rolled-up newspaper to sweep Helen’s used tissues into a square hole in the island which incinerates them]''
:'''Helen:''' Now I'm losing him! ''[crying]'' What'll I do?
:'''Edna Mode:''' '''''What are you talking about?'''''
:'''Helen:''' ''[Stops sobbing; looks at E]'' Hmm?
:'''Edna Mode:''' You are Elastigirl! My God, '''''pull...yourself...together'''''! ''[whacks Helen with the rolled-up newspaper]'' What will you do? Is this a question?! You will show him you remember that '''''he''''' is Mr. Incredible, and you will '''''remind him''''' who '''''you are!''''' Well, you know where he is. Go, confront the problem, fight, '''WIN!''' ''[there's no pauses]'' And call me when you get back, darling, I enjoy our visits.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Helen is at home, talking with Violet while walking down the hallway to her bedroom]''
:'''Helen:''' There’s lots of leftovers that you can reheat. Make sure Dash does his homework. And both of you, get to bed '''''on time'''''. I should be back tonight. Late. You can be in charge that long, can’t you?
:'''Violet:''' Yeah. But why am I in charge again?
:'''Helen:''' Nothing. Just a little trouble with Daddy.
:'''Violet:''' You mean Dad’s '''''in trouble''''', or Dad '''''is the trouble'''''?
:'''Helen:''' I mean either he’s '''''in trouble''''', or he’s '''''going to be'''''.
:''[Helen goes into her room to pack. Then, she sees Dash. Not wanting him to see the super suits, she shuts the door, then Dash runs to the window and Helen closes the curtains, then he runs to the other window and then Helen closes the curtains.]''
:'''Dash:''' Hey! What’s that? Where’d you get that, Mom? You made a cool outfit? Hey, are those for us? We all get cool outfits? Ha-ha!
:'''Helen:''' Dash! You come back here this moment!
:''[phone rings]''
:'''Helen:''' Hey, Snug. Thanks for getting back. I know this is short notice, but I was hoping that I could get you to...
:'''Violet:''' What are these? ''[Holds up a red costume, similar to Bob's new super suit]''
:''[Helen takes the suit from Violet]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[Dressed in one of the suits and looking at himself in the mirror]'' Look, I’m The Dash! The Dash likes!
:'''Helen:''' Just a second. ''[to Dash]'' Take that off before somebody sees you.
:'''Violet:''' But you’re packing one just like it. Are you hiding something?
:'''Helen:''' Oh, please, honey. I’m on the phone...
:'''Dash:''' ''[snags one of the suits]'' Yikes!
:'''Helen:''' Dash!
:'''Dash:''' ''[Handing a suit to Violet]'' Yikes! This is yours. It’s specially made.
:'''Violet:''' What’s going on?
:'''Helen:''' ''[Shoving both kids out of the bedroom]'' '''You’re not coming! And I’ve gotta pack!'''
:'''Violet:''' So, what makes you think it’s special?
:'''Dash:''' I dunno. Why’d Mom try to '''''hide it'''''?
:''[Violet makes her arm vanish. She touches the suit and the suit vanishes. She gasps.]''
:'''Helen:''' Snug, I’m calling in a solid ya owe me.
:'''Snug''' ''[over phone]'': What do you need?
:'''Helen:''' A jet. What do ya got that’s fast? ''[looking at a picture of her and Snug]''
:'''Snug''' ''[over phone]'': Let me think...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The jet soars through the golden late-afternoon sky. Helen pilots the jet as she speaks into her headset.]''
:'''Helen:''' Island approach. India Golf Niner-Niner checking in. VFR on top. Over.
:''[No response. Helen checks the instruments, confirms her course. She tries again.]''
:'''Helen:''' Island tower, this is India Golf Niner-Niner requesting vectors to the initial. Over.
:''[radio static]''
:'''Helen''': Hmm.
:''[An old sensation begins to creep into Helen's thoughts: danger. She grabs her duffel bag and zips it open, exposing the supersuit E made for her. She stares at it.]''
:'''Helen:''' Easy, Helen. Easy. easy, girl. You're overreacting. Everything's fine. They're just — all getting coffee at...the same time. Yeah. ''[Helen mulls the explanation and decides it's ridiculous. She flips a switch — putting the jet on autopilot, grabs her suit and goes into the lavatory.]''
:''[The scene cuts to Bob being held in a containment unit by his limbs. Syndrome walks towards him.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' You, sir.... truly '''''are''''' Mr. Incredible. You know, I was right to idolize you. I... I-I always knew you were tough, but tricking the probe by hiding under the bones of another super? Oh, man! I’m still geekin' out about it! ''[sighs]'' And then you had to just.... '''''ruin the ride'''''. I mean, Mr. Incredible calling for help? ''[mocking]'' Help me, help me. Help! ''Lame...lame...lame,'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''LAME, LAME!! ALL RIGHT, WHO DID YOU CONTACT?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &quot;Contact&quot;? What are you talkin' about?
:''[Syndrome has a guard shock him]''
:'''Syndrome:''' I am referring to last night at 23:07 hours while you were '''''snooping around.''''' You sent out a homing signal.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I didn’t '''''know''''' about the '''''homing device'''''.
:''[The guard turns up the juice. Bob screams in agony.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' And now a government '''''plane''''' is requesting permission to land here. '''''Who did you contact?!'''''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I didn’t send for a....a plane.
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[to Mirage]'' Play the transmission! ''[Mirage hits the spacebar on the keyboard which activates the transmission]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[via transmission]'' India golf Niner-Niner checking in. VFR on top. Over.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Helen...!
:'''Syndrome:''' So you '''''do''''' know these people. Well, then, I’ll...send them a little greeting. ''[pushes a button deploying missiles]''
:''[Elastigirl emerges from the lavatory dressed in her super suit. She throws her duffel bag roughly at an apparently empty passenger seat]''
:'''Violet:''' Ow!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Violet!
:'''Violet:''' ''[as she materializes]'' It’s not my fault! Dash started it! He could have ran away, and I knew I’d get blamed for it--
:'''Dash:''' That’s not true!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Dash?!
:'''Violet and Dash:''' ...and I thought he'd try to sneak on the plane so I came here and you closed the doors before I could find him and then you took off '''''and it's not my fault!''''' You said, &quot;Something's up with Mom. We have to find out what!&quot; It was your idea! Your idea! Hundred percent all-yours, all-the-time idea!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Wait a minute, wait a minute. You left Jack-Jack '''''alone?!'''''
:'''Violet and Dash:''' Yes, mom, I’m completely stupid...of course we got a sitter! Do you think I’m totally irresponsible? Thanks a lot! / No, we got someone, Mom. Someone great. We wouldn’t do that.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' All right! Well, who’d ya get?
:''[cut to Casa de Parr, where Kari is on the phone and Jack-Jack is in his hi-chair]''
:'''Kari:''' You don’t have to worry about one single thing, Mrs. Parr. I’ve got this baby-sitting thing wired. I’ve taken courses and learned CPR and I got excellent marks and certificates...
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Kari.
:'''Kari:''' I also brought Mozart to play while he sleeps to make him smarter because leading experts say Mozart makes babies smarter.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''Kari...'''''
:'''Kari:''' And the beauty part is that the babies don’t even have to listen ‘cause they’re asleep! You know, I wish my parents played Mozart when I slept because half the time, I don’t even know what the heck anyone’s talking about.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Kari, I really don’t feel comfortable with this. I’ll pay you for your trouble, but I’d really rather call a service.
:'''Kari:''' Oh, there’s really no need, Mrs. Parr. I can totally handle anything this baby can dish out. ''[cooing]'' Can’t I, little baby? I can handle it. Who can handle it?
:''[Helen looks at the plane radar and sees several missiles headed towards the plane.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' India Golf Niner-Niner transmitting in the blind guard. Disengage! Repeat, disengage!
:''[The &quot;fasten seat belts&quot; sign above Dash and Violet lights up. They exchange glances, reach for their seat belts. The jet suddenly dives, throwing them into the ceiling.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Disengage! Repeat, disengage! Friendlies...
:''[cut back to the containment unit]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No! Call off the missiles. I'll do anything.
:'''Syndrome:''' Too late. ''[he shrugs]'' ''Fifteen years too late.''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Friendlies at two-zero miles south-southwest of your position. Angels 10. Track east. Disengage, over! ''[to Violet]'' '''Vi!''' You have to put a force field around the plane!
:'''Violet:''' But you said we weren't supposed to use our powers!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''I know what I said! Listen to what I'm saying now!''''' ''[on headset]'' Disengage. Repeat, disengage!
:''[Dash looks outside to see the missiles.]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[fearfully]'' Mom?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''Violet!''''' ''[Violet gets startled; via headset]'' Mayday, mayday! India Golf Niner-Niner is buddy-spiked! Abort, abort! There are children aboard, ''[heard through intercom]'' Say again, there are children aboard the plane.
:''[cut back to containment unit]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Put a field around us &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''NOW!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Violet:''' I've never done one that big!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Violet, '''do it now!''' Abort, abort, abort! ''[via headset]'' Abort, abort, abort! ''[Violet weakly tries to create a force field in a short period of time]'' Abort, abort, abort! ''[She tries again unsuccessfully, then Helen rushes to protect her children from the explosion]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Abort, abort, abort!
:''[The plane explodes, and Helen wraps around Violet and Dash. The three begin falling towards the ocean. Helen’s unconscious while Dash and Violet are screaming. Helen then wakes up to see her kids falling next to her. She grabs them and makes a parachute.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Brace yourselves!
:''[They land safely in the water. Helen emerges to see the two kids treading water.]''
:'''Violet and Dash:''' Mom! Mom!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Everybody calm down. Now, I’ll tell you what we’re not gonna do. We’re not gonna panic, we’re not gonna--'''LOOK OUT!!!'''
:''[A turbine hits about 10 meters away from where the three are. Helen pushes Dash and Violet underwater. Dash and Violet swim back to the surface and Helen watches the missile hit the bottom and explode before swimming back up.]''
:'''Dash and Violet:''' Oh, my goodness! Whose idea was this anyway?!/What are we gonna do?! What are we gonna do?!
:'''Dash:''' We’re dead! We’re dead!
:'''Violet:''' It blew up!
:'''Dash:''' We survived but we’re dead!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[splashes Violet and Dash with ocean water]'' HEY, STOP IT! &lt;big&gt;'''''We are NOT gonna die! Now BOTH of you will GET A GRIP. Or SO help me I will GROUND you for a month! UNDERSTAND!?'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Back to the interrogation room.]''
:'''Mirage:''' We have a confirmed hit. Target...was destroyed.
:'''Syndrome:''' Ah, you’ll get over it. I seem to recall you preferred to...'''''work...alone...?'''''
:''[Syndrome laughs evilly as he walks away. But unbeknownst to him, Bob grows absolutely livid.]''
:''[Mirage gasps, and with quick thinking she pushes Syndrome out of the way as Bob suddenly grabs her. Syndrome quickly stands up.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;'''RELEASE ME.'''&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''NOW!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Syndrome:''' ''Or'' '''''what'''?''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’ll '''crush''' her.
:'''Syndrome:''' Ooh, that sounds a little dark for you. Nah, go ahead.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[as Mirage gasps and he presses her harder]'' ''It’ll be easy''...'''''like breaking a toothpick!'''''
:'''Syndrome:''' ''[chuckles]'' '''Show me.'''
:''[As Syndrome amusedly waits, Bob slowly loses his will. Then, he sighs...]''
:''[...and releases Mirage, as she falls to the floor and looks shocked to Syndrome.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' I knew you couldn’t do it, even when you have nothing to lose. You’re ''weak!''
:''[He and Mirage sullenly head out.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' And I’ve outgrown you.
:''[As Mirage looks to Bob one more time with a worried expression, she leaves with Syndrome as Bob starts crying, thinking that he lost his family.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Those were short-range missiles. Land-based. That way is our best bet.
:'''Dash''': You wanna go '''''toward''''' the people that tried to kill us?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' If it means land, yes.
:'''Violet:''' Do you expect us to swim there?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl)''': I expect you to trust me.
:''[Dash is hastily pushing Helen morphed into a boat, as Violet sits on her.]''
:''[The three make it to shore. It is now night]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' What a trooper. I’m so proud of you.
:'''Dash:''' Thanks, mom.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut to &quot;cave&quot;]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I think... your father is in trouble.
:'''Violet:''' If you haven’t noticed, Mom, we’re not doin' so hot either.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I’m going to look for him. And that means you’re in charge until I get back, Violet.
:'''Dash:''' What?!
:'''Violet:''' '''''You heard her.'''''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Put these on. ''[Gives them masks]'' Your identity is your most valuable possession. Protect it. And if anything goes wrong, use your powers.
:'''Violet:''' But you said never to use...
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I KNOW WHAT I SAID! ''[calms down and sighs]'' Remember the bad guys on those shows you used to watch on Saturday mornings? Well, these guys are not like those guys. They won’t exercise restraint because you’re children. They will kill you if they get the chance. Do not give them that chance.
:'''Violet:''' Mom?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Vi, I’m counting on you.
:'''Violet:''' There’s something I...
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I’m counting on you. Be strong. Dash, if anything goes wrong, I want you to run as fast as you can.
:'''Dash:''' As fast as I can?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' As fast as you can. Stay hidden. Keep each other safe. I’ll be back by morning.
:'''Violet:''' Mom! Mom, what happened on the plane. I’m sorry. ''[stammering]'' I wanted to help. I mean, when you asked me to... I’m sorry.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Shh. It isn’t your fault. It wasn’t fair for me to suddenly ask so much of you. But things are different now. And doubt is a luxury we can’t afford anymore, sweetie. You have more power than you realize. Don’t think. And don’t worry. If the time comes, you’ll know what to do. It’s in your blood.
:''[Helen gives Violet a firm nod and disappears into the night. Violet looks down at the mask in her hands and then puts it on.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lost in thought, Syndrome stares down at the massive rocket in the center of the volcano, poised to launch.]''
:'''Mirage:''' He’s not weak, you know.
:'''Syndrome:''' What?
:'''Mirage:''' Valuing life is not weakness.
:''[Syndrome crosses to her, casually dismissive.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Oh, hey. Look, look... if you’re talking about what happened in the containment unit, I had everything under control.
:'''Mirage:''' And disregarding it is ''not'' strength.
:''[Syndrome sidles up behind her, lifts her chin with a gentle hand and draws her face toward his]''
:'''Syndrome:''' I called his bluff, sweetheart, that’s all. I knew he wouldn’t have it in him to actually...
:''[Mirage shoves his hand aside and rises to confront him.]''
:'''Mirage:''' Next time you gamble, ''bet your own life''!
:''[She exits, leaving Syndrome befuddled and alone.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Helen enters a clearing and looks up. A monorail track soars high above the jungle floor. A monopod is coming. Helen throws her hands high, stretching them up to the pod passing overhead. It yanks her offscreen. Moving through the trees — Helen hangs suspended beneath the pod on long arms, alternating hands to swing around the support columns. Gaining momentum with each swing, she throws her body above the roof of the pod, landing expertly on top.]''
:ON TOP OF THE POD
:''[Helen squints into the rushing wind, sees the track slicing through the dense jungle canopy and leading directly into the base of the towering volcano. A familiar hum causes her to hide, and she slips down one side of the pod, out of view, as two Hoverjets buzz by. Helen watches the jets descend to a landing strip inside the Volcano just as the pod plunges into a tunnel and—]''
:INSIDE THE TUNNEL - MOVING WITH HELEN ON THE POD
:''[Darkness. Suddenly an opening in the tunnel rushes by, and Helen catches a glimpse of the rocket... and whoosh — the pod is back in the tunnel. Helen stretches her torso out like a sail. It catches wind and she releases from the pod, reforms and drops to the tracks with catlike grace.]''
:INSIDE THE BASE - TUNNEL ENTRANCE
:''[Helen peeks out of the tunnel, looks out at the heavily guarded launch pad.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' A rocket?
:''[Two armed guards march past. Unseen above them, Helen is stretched thin and hiding between a cluster of pipes which run down the center of the corridor. She watches as the guards exit through a sliding door. She drops like a liquid cat to the floor and begins to move down the corridor. As Helen passes a metal door, she catches sight of her reflection in its shiny surface. She stops, and frowns. It's been a while since her last supersuit; her butt is a bit bigger than she remembered. She wonders if she should lose a few — when the whoosh of a door surprises her. A guard comes through the door at the far end of the hall. As he enters another junction, we see that Helen has contorted herself, arching perfectly around the door frame. The guard doesn't see her. He slides a card key through a reader to enter a restricted corridor. The doors whoosh open. Directly behind him, Helen silently re-forms and begins to back through the doorway when the doors behind her slide shut — trapping her leg. She winces, tries in vain to pull it free. It's stuck. Leaving one hope — the card key on Guard #1's belt. Stretching across the corridor, Helen clambers after the guard on the palms of her hands, following him into the—]''
:INNER CHAMBER
:''[The guard stops at the elevator and presses the call button, his back to Helen. Just behind him, stretched far and held upright on one hand, Helen reaches with the other for the card key. She almost has it—]''
:AT THE CORRIDOR
:''[The door suddenly closes on her stretched torso. Her upper third snaps back, her middle third trapped and now stretched across—]''
:HALLWAY - CENTRAL CORE
:''[Two more guards (#2 &amp; #3) are traveling in a transport. They are suddenly clotheslined by Helen's stretched torso.]''
:INNER CHAMBER
:''[—knocking the wind out of Helen. Directly in front of her at the far end of the hall, the elevator opens for guard #1; revealing Guard #4 inside. He sees Helen.''
:'''Guard:''' Hey!
:''[Helen's arm stretches forward—]''
:INNER CHAMBER - INSIDE ELEVATOR
:''[In a blink: her fist clocks guard #4, disarms guard #1 hitting him with the butt of his gun. As guard #4 drops to the floor, #1 hits the &quot;close&quot; button on the panel. The doors close on Helen's arm. Guard #1 grins. Helen's hand feels around, finds guard #1, his chest, chin, face and — coldcocks him. He drops.]''
:RESUME MIDDLE CORRIDOR
:''[The torso guards (#2 &amp; #3) get to their feet, and see Helen, her arm still stretched, through the glass door. They level their guns at her. At the same moment—]''
:BLUE CORRIDOR
:''[Another guard (#5) comes upon Helen's leg in the closed doors. The sight is so odd, he can only stare. He decides to poke the leg with the barrel of his machine gun as she reacts to the poke. She scowls.]''
:RESUME BLUE CORRIDOR
:''[her leg cocks back and fishtail-kicks guard #5. He flies backwards, his weapon discharging into the card scanner. The door opens — freeing Helen's legs, which sail across the corridor and — smash the torso guards (#2 &amp; #3) against the middle door. They slide down into a heap — out cold.]''
:INSIDE ELEVATOR
:''[Helen's arm finds one of the guards' card key, slides it into the door scanner. The doors open, releasing her torso.]''
:ACCESS CORRIDOR
:''[Helen drags the last of the unconscious guards over to an open wall panel and stuffs him inside with the others. She throws her weight against the panel, finally getting it shut.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dash watches as Violet practices intently. She releases the force field sphere; the dark smoke ball rises upwards. Vi throws another force field, recapturing the smoke at the roof of the cave. Dash gets to his feet, grabs a burning branch from the fire to use as a torch.]''
:'''Dash:''' Well, not that this isn’t fun, but I’m gonna go look around.
:'''Violet:''' What do you think is going on here? You think we’re on vacation or something? Mom and Dad’s lives could be in jeopardy. Or worse, ''[whispering]'' their marriage.
:'''Dash:''' Their marriage? So, the bad guys are trying to wreck Mom and Dad’s marriage.
:'''Violet:''' Oh, forget it. You’re so immature.
:'''Dash:''' Okay, I’m gonna go look around.
:'''Violet:''' Mom said to stay hidden.
:'''Dash:''' I’m not gonna leave the cave. Sheesh!
:''[Ground control technicians watch from the observation window as a giant metal sphere, a massive version of the dreaded Omnidroid — is carefully guided into place inside the top stage of the rocket. The rocket's nose cone is lowered over the Omnidroid and secured into place. The cylindrical blast shield closes around the rocket.]''
:''[voices over radio]''
:''[Lighting his way with a burning branch, Dash explores the depths of the &quot;cave&quot;. Suddenly the floor becomes smooth. Dash looks down, then holds his torch up. He's inside an enormous man-made tunnel]''
:'''Dash:''' Cool... ''[His voice echoes a bit. Dash brightens. He calls again, louder this time.]''
:'''Dash:''' '''COOL!''' ''[His voice echoes again]'' Cool! Cool! Cool!
:''[Syndrome shoves a Pass Key into the control board, gives the key a twist, then presses the &quot;launch&quot; button.]''
:''[over radio]'' Roger. We are ready for launch.
:''[The rocket's engines fire. The sound is deafening as the rocket's massive weight slowly lifts into the air. A low rumble and a subtle push of warm wind emanate from the depths of the tunnel, which begins to glow. Dash's smile drops as he realizes it's an enormous fireball rocketing towards him. He turns and runs.]''
:''[Violet is still practicing force fields when the depths of the tunnel begin to rumble and glow. She looks up.]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[off-screen]'' Vi!!! Vi Vi Vi Vi Vi!!!
:'''Violet:''' '''''What did you do'''?''
:''[It is revealed that the &quot;cave&quot; is actually the exhaust outlet for the volcano. Dash and Violet race out of the &quot;cave&quot;, getting clear just as an enormous wall of flames erupts after them. They look down with a shudder at how close they came. A roar behind them causes them to turn — a rocket emerges from the center of the volcano, and soars into the night sky. It contains the Omnidroid Syndrome plans to unleash on Municiberg]''
:CONTROL ROOM - DETENTION BLOCK
:''[Helen looks down from some vents in the ceiling. Silently she stretches her neck until her head dangles down behind the guards.]''
:''[Her POV: Helen scans the detention grid and notices a tremendous spike of power to restrain the prisoner in cell 13, Block A1.]''
:''[over radio]'': ETA two-niner. Over. TCI clear. Condition yellow. Status norm.
:''[over radio]'': Not responding to IFF. IRCM reads negative.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[gasps]'' Bob.
:''[Helen quickly pulls her head back up through the vent in the ceiling and exits.]''
:'''Guard #1:''' Huh? What?
:'''Guard #2:''' Uh, I didn’t say anything.
:''[The final stage of the Omnidroid's capsule separates. The Omni ship begins to descend below the cloud layer, toward the city.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[It is the following morning. Dash awakens, discovering to his horror that he's curled up with Violet. Repulsed, he jumps up and shudders. The Mecha-macaw (a similar one like the one that observed Mr. Incredible fight the first Omnidroid) spots Dash and Violet]''
:'''Mecha-macaw:''' Identification, please.
:'''Dash:''' Hey! Hey, Violet! Come here, look.
:'''Violet:''' What?
:'''Dash:''' It talks!
:'''Violet:''' What?
:'''Dash:''' ''[pointing to the mecha-macaw]'' There. That one.
:'''Mecha-macaw:''' Voice key incorrect.
:'''Violet:''' Voice key?
:'''Mecha-macaw:''' Voice key incorrect.
:'''Violet:''' ''[realizing that something is wrong]'' Wait a second...
:''[The bird's head slowly swivels toward the kids with a soft computing sound. Its eyes light up red as its beak drops open, and it lets out a shrill electronic alarm. Violet backs away from the shrieking bird, Dash following after her, panicking.]''
:'''Dash:''' What do we do?
:'''Violet:''' Run!
:'''Dash:''' Where are we going?
:'''Violet:''' Away from here!
:''[Alarms sound. A section of the island grid lights up, locating the kids. A guard hits the &quot;Scramble&quot; button.]''
:''[Helen hears the alarm, watches as the guards scramble. Guards on Velocipods zoom out into jungle.]''
:'''P.A.:''' Intruder alert. Intruder alert. Intruder alert.
:''[Bob hangs, defeated, in the suspension beams. The cell door slides open. A figure is silhouetted there — Mirage. She switches off the suspension ray. Bob drops to the floor. Bob just sits there on his knees, his eyes cast downward. Mirage crosses to him, kneels down—]''
:'''Mirage:''' There isn’t much time.
:''[Bob's hand flashes out and clamps around her throat. He rises, holding her dangling body aloft with one hand.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No, there isn’t. In fact... there’s no time at all.
:'''Mirage:''' ''[choking]'' Please...
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Why are you here? How can you possibly bring me lower? '''What more can you take away from me'''?
:'''Mirage:''' ''[choking]'' The family...survived...the...crash! They’re here...on the island!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' They’re alive?
:''[Bob releases his grip, Mirage drops to the floor, gasping raggedly. Bob lifts her up and embraces her. Mirage drinks it in, then reacts at the sight of a figure in the doorway. Bob looks up]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Helen...
:''[Mirage and Bob push apart, Mirage composing herself.]''
:'''Mirage:''' Oh, hello...You must be Mrs. Incre— ''[She gets knocked out cold before she could finish, much to Mr. Incredible's shock.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' She was helping me to escape!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' No! That’s what '''''I''''' was doing.
:''[Mr. Incredible grabs Elastigirl's arm.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Let go of me! Let go, you lousy, lying, unfaithful creep!
:''[They kiss.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' How could I betray the perfect woman?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Oh, you’re referring to ''me'' now?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Where are the kids?
:'''Mirage:''' They might’ve triggered the alert.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' What?!
:'''Mirage:''' Security’s been sent into the jungle. You better get going.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Now our '''''kids''''' are in danger?!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' If you suspected danger, why’d you bring them?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I didn’t bring ‘em, they stowed away. And I don’t think you’re striking the proper tone here.
:'''Guard:''' Think they’re supers?
:''[Running blindly. The kids are suddenly confronted by guards on three manned Velocipods. Glancing at the guards, Violet speaks quietly to Dash.]''
:'''Violet:''' Dash, remember what Mom said.
:'''Dash:''' What?
:'''Guard #2:''' Hey! Stop talking!
:''[Abruptly, Vi vanishes. Dash looks around in surprise.]''
:'''Guard #3:''' Hold it! Freeze!
:'''Violet:''' ''[off-screen]'' Dash, run!
:'''Dash:''' What?
:'''Violet:''' Run!
:''[Suddenly understanding — Dash bolts, jumping from the transport and vanishing into the jungle.]''
:'''Dash:''' Oh, yeah! ''[he runs away]''
:''[It happens fast: The guard's head snaps toward the sound of Vi's voice. He swings his rifle— we hear a heavy thud as Violet's (invisible) body is knocked from the transport: a cloud of dust surrounds an impression in the dirt.]''
:'''Guard:''' What the—?! They’re supers!
:''[Violet disappears]''
:'''Guard #2''': Get the boy! ''[guards take off after Dash on Velocipods]'' Show yourself!
:''[Dash blasts through the foliage on foot, unbelievably fast, a manned Velocipod hot on his tail. But the terrain is dense, uneven and difficult, and Dash is forced to adhere to the thin trail winding through the growth. A swarm of flies fusses in the air. Suddenly Dash bursts into view; rocketing right through the swarm! Bugs splatter Dash's face like an interstate windshield]''
:'''Dash:''' AGGCCHH!!!
:''[Dash stumbles, careens end over end through the undergrowth like an [[w:Indianapolis 500|Indy 500]] car crash, and finally tumbles to a stop. Unharmed, but thoroughly repulsed, Dash wipes his bug-spattered face and teeth.]''
:'''Dash''': Achpppt!! PtTHWAAAGH! PTHPT!
:''[A Velocipod bursts out of the brush after him and he takes off, tearing through the jungle. Running fast, Dash grabs a long vine — which sends him out in a wide arc that surprises the trailing guard. He shoots past Dash and roars off into the undergrowth. Dash releases the vine, tumbling roughly to his feet, and runs. A Velocipod bursts out of the brush and is on top of him. Impossibly, Dash accelerates, staying just ahead of it. He sees another vine, grabs it and is propelled upwards. Dash explodes out of the canopy, flailing, out of control. He looks down and sees — the treetops suddenly drop away. Dash is falling off a cliff, screaming his ten-year-old lungs out as he lands on a Velocipod! Fleetingly astonished by his good luck, Dash looks up as the startled guard whirls around to face him. The guard swings. Dash ducks and reluctantly throws a punch at the guard's face. It lands! Thrilled that his raw speed renders the guard powerless to dodge or return his punches, Dash laughs and, growing more confident with each punch, socks the guard again and again, blissfully unaware that no one is driving. Dash looks up. His jaw drops: a rock wall looms ahead! Dash points at it. The guard sees an opening and socks Dash in the face, knocking him off just as — the Velocipod slams into the cliff face, vaporizing in a fireball, killing the guard]''
:'''Guard:''' Hey!
:'''Dash:''' Ha, ha! I’m alive. Yeah!
:''[Dash whooping]''
:''[Dash falls: making desperate, flailing grabs as he hits limb after limb of an enormous tree, finally getting hold of a branch and arresting his descent. He pants, heart racing, and looks down to see — his feet dangling about a yard off the jungle floor. Elated about his survival, Dash drops to the ground and lets out a loud whoop, immediately alerting two guards on Velocipods nearby to his presence. They turn their V-pods after him. With Dash as he bolts again, accelerating to breakneck speed. He smashes through an endless succession of foliage — nearly colliding with tree trunks and rocks and suddenly — a lagoon lies in front of him. Dash reacts: the V-pods are on his tail, he has nowhere to go, so he takes a deep breath and steps on it — and has enough velocity to run across the water! Amazed and exhilarated, Dash blasts across the water's surface, weaving like a speedboat around the large volcanic rocks jutting out of the water. Velocipods open fire... strafing the water as Dash is pursued into a cave. Velocipod #2 pulls up short at the cave entrance and chooses to go around.]''
:'''Dash:''' Uh-oh.
:''[Velocipod #2 is coming straight at him! Dash wheels around, his legs churning the water like an egg beater. He sees V-pod #1 closing fast. He has nowhere to go and, like a deer in headlights, Dash stops — suddenly dropping beneath the water's surface as the Velocipods collide — BOOM!]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I should’ve told you I was fired, I admit it. But I didn’t want you to worry.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' You didn’t want me to worry? And now we’re running for our lives through some godforsaken jungle.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You keep trying to pick a fight, but I’m still just happy you’re alive.
:''[The remaining guard waits, his machine gun at the ready. Suddenly the dirt moves. The guard fires, strafing the ground just behind a succession of footprints that streak toward the river moments before a splash appears. We see a Violet-shaped distortion as bullet trails furiously slice the surrounding water. Still firing. He stops, unnerved and adrenalized. Tensed and ready, he nervously scans the river.]''
:'''Guard:''' I know you’re there, Little Miss Disappear. You can’t hide from me.
:''[Training his gun where he last saw Violet, the guard grabs a handful of dirt from the riverbank and throws it into the water. He shoulders his rifle watching the dirt turn into a brown cloud as it travels downstream ...making visible a Violet-shaped pocket]''
:'''Guard:''' ''[Aiming gun]'' There you are.
:''[The guard takes aim and Dash blurs past]''
:'''Dash:''' HEY! ''[knocking the guard's gun barrel skyward as it fires. The guard swings around — strafing the ground at Dash's heels as he plunges back into the jungle. A splash explodes from the river as invisible Violet makes a break for it. The guard sees this and swings the gun toward her as — Dash blasts out of the jungle and knocks the Guard's legs out from under him. They tumble and scrap, Dash redeeming his lack of size with lightning-fast punches and faints.]'' Don't touch my sister!
:''[Disoriented, the guard swings and connects — knocking Dash off his feet. He tumbles backward, dazed. The guard shoulders his rifle, leveling it at Dash. Dash looks up; sees he's screwed. The guard grins wickedly and pulls the trigger — Violet suddenly appears in mid-air, diving in front of Dash as she throws a force field around them! A hail of bullets ricochet off the force field.]''
:'''Dash:''' '''''How are you doing that?'''''
:'''Violet:''' I don’t know!
:'''Dash:''' Whatever you do, don’t stop!
:''[as Dash starts to walk within the force field like a gerbil on a wheel. Violet spins ever faster in the sphere's hub as Dash accelerates into a run. The guards empty their clips at the rolling sphere with no effect. It rumbles past them and straight into the jungle.]''
:''[Moving with the rolling force field as it carries Dash and Vi down a steep hillside into the path of two speeding Velocipods who fire at the sphere. It's clipped by one Velocipod-- which then spirals into a rock and explodes.]''
:''[Bob and Helen hear the explosions echo, and stop, worried. That's when they hear the rumble. Before they can get clear, the rolling force field bursts out of the brush]''
:'''Violet:''' Mom! Dad! Hey!
:''[the force field vanishes and the entire family tumbles to the jungle floor.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Kids! You’re all right.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Oh, you’re all right!
:'''Violet:''' We were so worried about you!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I thought I’d never see you again.
:''[There is a frantic, joyful exchange of hugs and kisses, unfortunately cut short when — Velocipods explode out of the foliage! The Incredibles instantly jump to their feet: Helen throws a stretched scissor kick which catches a guard in the chest, knocking him out of his V-pod. Bob chops a second passing Velocipod — it plows straight into the soft jungle floor. Before its pilot can react — Helen's arm is coiled around him. She yanks him from the vehicle, whiplashing him into another guard, knocking them both out cold. Bob grabs the crashed V-pod and Frisbees it into a V-pod from the trees - boom! And it's over. Bob and Helen had forgotten how good they were. They exchange lustful glances.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible) &amp; Helen (Elastigirl):''' Aww, I love you.
:'''Dash:''' Wow.
:'''Violet:''' Whoa.
:''[Suddenly the jungle is filled with guards and V-pods. And just as quickly the Incredibles turn as one against them, a hurricane blur of superpowers, suddenly brought to a crashing halt — as ZPE rays strike the Incredibles, suspending them all, motionless, in mid-air, in a clearing.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! HEY, TIME OUT!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[Syndrome keeps his wrists crossed; one beam trained on Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl; the other on Dash and Violet.]'' What have we here? Matching uniforms? ''[glances between the four faces. His eyes narrow as he zeroes in on Helen. An astonished smile splits his face.]'' Oh, no... Elastigirl!? ''[laughing, turns to Bob]'' You married Elastigirl? Whoa... and got... ''[he stops, sees the kids]'' And got '''biz-zay'''! It's a whole family of Supers! Looks like I've hit the jackpot! Oh, this is just too good!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Back in Syndrome's lair, on a giant screen, network news footage of a crowd gathered around a smoldering hulk resting at the base of a large building. The TV channel changes. Another reporter is covering the same story. Camera widens: Syndrome is delightedly channel surfing with a remote control of his own invention.]''
:'''News reporter on TV:''' The ship’s unique design suggests...
:'''News reporter on TV:''' There were no fatalities...
:''[The Incredibles are now side by side in the containment unit]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Huh? Huh!? Oh, come on! You gotta admit, this is cool! Just like a movie! The robot will emerge dramatically, do some damage. Throngs of screaming people! And just when all hope is lost, Syndrome will save the day! I’ll be a bigger hero than you ever were!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' You mean, you killed off real heroes so that you could....&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''PRETEND TO BE ONE?'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Syndrome:''' Oh, I’m real. Real enough to defeat you! And I did it without your precious gifts, your oh-so-special powers. I’ll give them heroics. I’ll give them the most spectacular heroics anyone’s ever seen! And when I’m old and I’ve had my fun, I’ll sell my inventions so that everyone can be superheroes. Everyone can be super! And when everyone’s super... no one will be. ''[evil laughter, leaves room]''
:''[Back in Municiberg, the military are fighting a losing battle with the Omnidroid. Soldiers shouting]''
:'''Soldier:''' Fire at will!
:''[The Omnidroid starts destroying the military troops with ease.]''
:'''Reporter:''' It’s completely overwhelming the tanks.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’m sorry. This is my fault. I’ve been a lousy father. Blind to what I have. So obsessed with being undervalued that I undervalued all of you.
:'''Dash:''' Um...dad?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Shh. Don’t interrupt.
:''[Violet uses her force field to nullify the zero-point energy's effects and float out of the suspension system. She walks towards the keyboard.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' So caught up in the past that I.....You are my greatest adventure. And I almost missed it. I swear, I’m gonna get us out of this safely if I...
:'''Violet:''' Well, I think Dad has made some excellent progress today, but I think it’s time we wind down now.
:''[She hits the control panel, releasing the family]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' We need to get back to the mainland.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' I saw an aircraft hangar on my way in. Straight ahead, I think.
:''[Bob's hands pry open the heavy metal doors, crunching them like foil. The Incredibles enter the huge hangar]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Where are all the guards?
:''[The guards are all holed up in a command vehicle, watching the Omnidroid reports on TV.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[signaling the others to move inside the command vehicle]'' Go, go!
:''[The guards watch live coverage of the Omnidroid attack on a video monitor. Champagne is popped: the cork is unexpectedly caught by someone standing in the doorway — Mr. Incredible]''
:'''Guard:''' Hey, look. Hey! Every time they run, you take a shot.
:'''Guard 2:''' Yeah, okay.
:''[The vehicle rocks as Bob quickly takes out the guards within. In moments Bob emerges, whistles to his family that the coast is clear.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' This is the right hangar, but I don’t see any jets.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' A jet’s not fast enough.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' What’s faster than a jet?
:'''Dash:''' Hey, how about a rocket?
:''[The other Incredibles follow Dash's finger to an enormous shield-shaped rocket, identical to the one launched earlier — save for a perfect circular hole in the center.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Great! I can’t fly a rocket.
:'''Violet:''' You don’t have to. Use the coordinates from the last launch.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Ah, wait. I bet Syndrome’s changed the password by now. How do I get into the computer?
:''[A voice comes over the loudspeaker.]''
:'''Mirage:''' Say please.
:''[The Incredibles turn and look up. Mirage stands in the monitoring station above the launchpad, smiling.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The stereo plays soft jazz as Lucius (aka Frozone) dresses for dinner. He slaps some aftershave on his face, checking his look in the mirror. A low series of booms grows louder, causing him to look up to see the Omnidroid outside his apartment wreaking havoc on Municiberg; a military chopper strafing it with machine-gun fire. He immediately goes through his dresser drawers.]''
:'''Lucius:''' '''Honey?!'''
:'''Honey Best''': ''[off-screen]'' What?
:'''Lucius:''' Where’s my supersuit?
:'''Honey Best:''' What?
:'''Lucius:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''WHERE… IS MY SUPER SUIT?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The military chopper, now on fire, spirals past the picture window and explodes, lighting up the room.]''
:'''Honey Best''': I, uh… put it away!
:'''Lucius:''' Where?!
:'''Honey Best:''' Why do you need to know?!
:'''Lucius:''' &lt;big&gt;'''''I NEED IT!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Lucius is running now, down the hallway, going in and out of view, frantically searching rooms and closets.]''
:'''Honey Best:''' Uh-uh! Don’t you think about runnin' off doin' no derrin’-do! We’ve been plannin' this dinner for two months!
:'''Lucius:''' The public is in danger!
:'''Honey Best:''' My evening’s in danger!
:'''Lucius:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''YOU TELL ME WHERE MY SUIT IS, WOMAN! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE GREATER GOOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Honey Best:''' Greater good?! I am your ''wife''! I’m the greatest ''good'' you are ''ever'' gonna get!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cut back to the Omnidroid destroying the city. The driver of a gasoline tanker truck screeches to a halt, his eyes bugging out at the rampaging Omnidroid]''
:'''Man:''' RUN!
:''[He jumps from the truck just as the Omnidroid seizes the tanker in a giant claw and flings it down the street. A young mother sees it arcing toward her baby carriage.]''
:'''Woman:''' MY BABY!
:''[Syndrome holds the tanker in place just above the carriage and woman. The crowd is immediately electrified by the sight of the red-haired Superhero.]''
:'''Man:''' The Supers have returned!
:'''Woman:''' Is that Fironic?
:'''Man:''' Fironic?
:'''Woman:''' No, Fironic has a different outfit!
:'''Syndrome:''' No, no, I’m a new superhero! I’m SYNDROME!
:''[Syndrome carelessly flings the tanker truck behind him with a flourish. It explodes, frightening the crowd. The Omnidroid moves towards him.]'' All right, stand back. ''[The Omnidroid reaches a massive claw toward Syndrome, who presses a series of buttons on his power cuff. The robot freezes suddenly, idling. Syndrome smiles, pressing another series of buttons on his remote.]'' Someone needs to teach this hunk of metal a few manners. ''[Putting on a good show, Syndrome flies around the idling bot, and delivers a punch to one of its leg sockets.]''
:'''OMNIDROID'S P.O.V.''': Technical readouts spray across its viewscreen as it confirms Syndrome's instructions: RESTRAIN BATTLE MODE. DETACH ARM AT SIGNAL.
:'''Syndrome:''' Ha, ha!
:''[On cue, one of the Omnidroid's limbs suddenly falls out of its socket, thudding uselessly to the ground. As Syndrome revels in the cheers of the crowd, we push in on the Omnidroid. It's watching Syndrome. And thinking — OMNIDROID'S P.O.V.: Technical readouts spray across its viewscreen as it analyzes: CONTROL STOLEN BY EXTERNAL SIGNAL.]''
;LOCATE SOURCE: EXTERNAL SIGNAL
:Columns of numbers are crunched. The Omnidroid's lens-eye zooms in on the control bands around Syndrome's wrist — SIGNAL SOURCE: REMOTE CONTROL — and comes to a logical conclusion: OVERRIDE EXTERNAL CONTROL
:DESTROY REMOTE CONTROL
:''[The Omnidroid fires a precise laser shot, blasting the remote right off Syndrome's wrist. It clatters to the street. Syndrome whirls around in horror as the bot goes after him. He flies out of control, and he crashes onto a building. He lands, tries to get up and falls unconscious soon after.]''
:''[Frozone appears on the scene. High above the earth — another rocket, identical to the first one, descends from the clouds. Again, it separates into quarters which fall away, revealing the landing craft inside — and only then do we notice what's different about it: in the center of the large, perfectly round hole designed to house the Omnidroid is — the command vehicle, precariously held in place by a very stretched, very stressed Helen. Inside the command vehicle Bob is at the wheel, Vi and Dash are seated at a small table in the back.]''
:'''Dash:''' ''[exasperated]'' Are we nearly there yet?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' We'll get there when we get there!
:''[opens the window; to Helen, who is suspended from the Omnidroid's lander, clutching its sides and holding the van in place as loose debris is scattered everywhere.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' How you doing, honey?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Do I have to answer?!
:''[The giant wing is descending, gliding closer to the water, as the city looms closer directly ahead.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Kids, strap yourselves down like I told you!
:''[Violet and Dash move to the seats at the monitor panels, belting themselves in. Bob opens his window, yells up to Helen]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Here we go, honey! Ready, Violet? ''[Violet holds a hand over a giant, jerry-rigged release switch.]'' Ready? Now! ''[Violet slams the switch. The explosive bolts fire, separating the wing. Helen let's go with a pained shout, swings inside through the window. Bob steps on the gas. The command vehicle wheels spin. Bob tenses as he watches the speedometer move past 110, 120, 130.]'' This is gonna be rough! ''[The command vehicle sails over an overpass, clipping a light pole, and crashes to the pavement in a shower of sparks. It flies down the street at 200 MPH. Fighting to keep control, Bob hits the brakes. Smoke erupts from the wheel wells.]'' The robot’s in the financial district. Which exit do I take?
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Traction Avenue.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' That'll take me downtown. I take 7th, don't I?
:''[Bob cranks the wheel and cuts across several lanes toward the Seventh Street exit.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Don’t take 7th!
:''[Bob aborts the exit, swerving hard to avoid a collision.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Great, we missed it!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' You asked me how to get there, and I told you. Exit at Traction!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' That’ll take me downtown!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' It's coming up! Get in the right lane! Signal!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' ''[changing lanes]'' We don't exit at Traction!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''&lt;big&gt;YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:''[The command vehicle takes a violent swerve across six lanes, barely making the off-ramp! Sparks spray as the vehicle slams into the guardrail. The command vehicle careens off the railing and into traffic, narrowly missing a semi. Horns blare. Bob's teeth clench as he fights to slow the vehicle down. He stomps both feet on the brakes. Its tires smoking, the command vehicle pulls sideways and loses it, tumbling down the center of the street, spraying metal pieces in its wake. It rolls into an open parking space, and lands — miraculously upright, stripped like an ear of eaten corn. A more perfect parallel park couldn't have been executed. Bob and Helen sit up woozily. Bob turns to Dash and Violet.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Is everybody okay back there?
:''[Violet and Dash pull themselves upright. They look as if they've emerged from an industrial tumble dryer]''
:'''Violet:''' Super-duper, Dad!
:'''Dash:''' ''[laughing]'' Let’s do that again.
:''[The Omnidroid comes into view through the cracked windshield. Bob releases his seat belt, turns to Helen.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Wait here and stay hidden. I’m going in.
:''[Bob grimly starts after the Omnidroid. Helen stretches an arm out and grabs his shoulder, spinning him around.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' While what? I watch helplessly from the sidelines? I don’t think so.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’m '''''asking you''''' to wait with the kids.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' And I’m '''''telling you''''', &quot;not a chance&quot;. You’re my husband. I’m with you for better or worse.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I have to do this alone!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' What is this to you? Playtime?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' So you can be Mr. Incredible AGAIN?!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' No!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Then what? What is it?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’m not...
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Not what?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I’m not strong enough.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Strong enough. And this will make you stronger?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Yes. No!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' That’s what this is? Some sort of workout!?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''I CAN'T LOSE YOU AGAIN!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[Helen is stunned. She stares at Bob, whose head is bowed like a child]'' I can’t. Not again. I’m not... strong enough.
:''[Helen searches Bob's eyes, deeply touched. She throws her arms around him, kissing him.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' If we work together, you won’t have to be.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I don’t know what’ll happen.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Hey. We’re superheroes. What can happen?
:''[Violet screams. She and Dash jump clear just as the command vehicle is crushed by the Omnidroid's metal foot. The Incredibles run. Another Omnidroid foot smashes into the street, blocking the kids' way. Bob and Helen stop, whirling]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Vi, Dash— NO!
:''[The Omnidroid is now fully focused on the kids, pounding Violet's force field relentlessly with its giant claws. The shield holds. The Omnidroid draws itself up and drops — the entirety of its massive bulk slams into the force field knocking Vi unconscious. Her force field flickers out]''
:'''Dash:''' Violet?
:''[Again, the Omnidroid draws itself up to deliver the crushing blow. Dash cringes and the bot drops — and hits an obstacle halfway down. Dash looks up]''
:'''Dash:''' Dad!
:''[Bob is underneath the bot, on his back, his arms and legs straining under the weight of it.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Go, go!
:''[Violet comes to and is instantly yanked out from under the bot and into Helen's arms.]''
:'''Violet:''' I’m okay, mom. Really.
:''[Dash follows them around the corner. Straining, Bob lifts the Omnidroid enough to get his feet underneath him. The bot snatches Bob out from underneath and flings him at a building across the street. The windows of the nearby building shatter as Bob's body tumbles across the floor, scattering desks and chairs. Helen rounds a corner out of the Omnidroid's view and carefully sets Violet down. She looks at Dash and Vi.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Stay here, okay?
:''[Helen turns away, charging back toward the robot. Vi and Dash watch their fearless mother in amazement.]''
:''[as the Omnidroid pulls itself up the building to look for Bob. Bob charges the Omnidroid, hitting it with enough force to dislodge it from the building. It falls, crashing into the street with an earth-shattering boom. Bob falls with it but rolls and lands on his feet. The familiar sound of cracking ice causes Bob to look up]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Frozone! Yeah!
:''[A narrow sheet of ice streaks across the pavement and Frozone skates past, joining the fight. Following Frozone — He moves to the Omnidroid, expertly icing its joints as it tries to get up. The Omnidroid whines as its motors strain against the ice. Further down the street, Helen rushes up to Bob]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Bob!
:''[Just then Frozone sails into frame and crashes into the roof of a parked car. Bob turns angrily toward the Omnidroid and is immediately smacked by it. Bob flies into the side of a building and tumbles to the street. Frozone and Helen distract the Omnidroid, heckling it and spreading out. It goes after them like an enraged beast. Dazed, Bob looks up and sees a strange device on the ground in front of him. He examines it, his eyes widening when he realizes what it is. He holds it up, yelling excitedly to the others]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Hey! Syndrome’s remote!
:''[The Omnidroid comes down on Bob like a ton of bricks, lifting him high above the ground. Miraculously, Bob has held on to the remote, and he quickly stabs at the buttons, hoping to get lucky. With a boom, one of the bot's limbs releases, sending it — and Bob — crashing to the ground]''
:''[Around the corner, Violet sees this. She turns to Dash]''
:'''Violet:''' The remote controls the robot!
:''[The Omnidroid knows this too, and it fires laser blasts at Bob to try to stop Bob from using the remote. Bob jumps clear, then hears Dash from down the street.]''
:'''Dash:''' Hey, Dad! Throw it, throw it!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Go long!
:''[Bob gives the remote a monster throw, flinging it high into the air and across the river. Dash pivots and takes off after it. The Omnidroid sees Dash and starts firing after him. With Dash as he hits the water, jetting across the water's surface as the Omnidroid fires away. The water explodes around Dash, but he concentrates on the remote, following it into his hands like an NFL receiver.]''
:'''Dash:''' Got it!
:''[Dash crosses the river and hits the streets on the other side, seemingly home free. But the Omnidroid is still firing, and it hits some cars in Dash's path, igniting their gas tanks. Suddenly Dash is surrounded by a wall of flames! Bob runs toward Helen, who is closer to the Omnidroid.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Honey, take out its guns!
:''[Helen hears him. She grabs a heavy manhole cover winding her elastic arm around a light pole to fling it — like an arrow — at the Omnidroid's gun. Bullseye. What follows amounts to a game of hot potato between the Supers and the Omnidroid over the remote: Frozone saves Dash from the circle of burning cars. Omnidroid sees this and goes after them. With Dash on his back, Frozone races across the river, freezing it in front of him as he goes.]''
:'''Frozone:''' Dash! Gotcha!
:''[Omnidroid jumps — almost on top of them, creating a massive wave and throwing Dash and Frozone high into the air. Thinking fast, Frozone turns the wave into a wall of snow. It crashes over the streets, cushioning their fall. The remote clatters to the ground. Bob sees it and runs for it. The Omnidroid sees Bob and fires a claw — catching Bob just as he was reaching for the remote. The claw — with Bob inside — tumbles end over end down the street. With Bob out of the way, the Omnidroid heads for the remote. Frozone ices the Omnidroid's path, causing its metal feet to slip and slide. Helen runs ahead of the Omnidroid, stretching herself into a tripwire across the stumbling Omnidroid's path. It crashes to the street. The Omnidroid looks up. The remote lies on the street just in front of it, easily within its grasp. The Omnidroid reaches out with a claw to destroy the remote. The remote magically jumps clear. The Omnidroid tries again, and again the remote darts away. Riled now, it rears up and stabs wildly at the remote with all of its arms. We hear Violet shriek, as the remote repeatedly eludes the Omnidroid's grasp: finally tangling its legs so badly that it topples over. Violet reappears, running back to rejoin the group in the middle of the street.]''
:'''Frozone''': Violet!
:'''Violet:''' Mom, I’ve got it! I’ve got the remote!
:'''Frozone:''' '''''A remote? A remote that controls what?'''''
:''[Violet begins to fiddle with the remote's click-wheel, pressing its buttons to no effect. The Omnidroid has gotten to its feet and lunges toward them. Violet shrieks and presses the button one last time. Rockets fire underneath the Omnidroid's clawed feet, lifting the enormous machine into the air.]''
:'''Frozone:''' THE ROBOT?!?'
:''[Everyone ducks as the Omnidroid rockets overhead, crashing into a building at the end of the street. Like a woozy prizefighter, the Omnidroid gets back on its feet.]''
:'''Dash:''' It's coming back!
:''[Dash snatches the remote from Violet, aims it at the Omnidroid, spins the click-wheel and presses a button. Behind Dash (and unseen by all) the claws on the Omnidroid's detached arm spring open — flinging Bob into the air.]''
:'''Dash:''' That wasn't right.
:'''Violet:''' ''[snatching remote back]'' Give me that!
:DOWN THE STREET - WITH BOB
:''[He climbs to his feet, muttering to himself.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' We can’t stop it. The only thing hard enough to penetrate it is... ''[A thought hits him. Remembering the first fight he had with the Omnidroid in the jungle, lava and volcano, he turns, staring at the metal claw]'' itself.
:'''Dash:''' It's getting closer.
:'''Violet:''' It doesn't work!
:''[Helen has the remote now and is trying to figure it out. The Omnidroid has them all in its sights and is lumbering toward them. The kids are starting to panic.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' No, this'll work! This'll work! Lucius, try to buy us some time!
:'''Frozone:''' Try the one next to it.
:''[Lucius takes off, throwing ice and skating down the street toward the approaching Omnidroid. He jumps off an ice ramp, his skates converting into a circular ski-disc in mid-air. He lands, throwing a massive ice wall in front of the Omnidroid.]''
:''[With Bob as he closes the claw into a massive arrowhead and starts charging down the street. With Helen and the kids — Helen dials the click-wheel on the remote and presses one of the buttons. The back of the claw suddenly fires a rocket engine. Bob veers crazily, trying to control it. Helen presses the button again. Now close to the group, Bob's claw rocket switches off. Bob gets an idea]''
:''[Helen presses a button. The claw blades start to spin.]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Honey! ''[Frozone is putting up an ice wall to delay the Omnidroid's advancement toward them]'' Wait a minute. &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''PRESS THAT BUTTON AGAIN!! NO, THE OTHER ONE!! T-THE FIRST ONE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' First button! Got it!
:''[The Omnidroid has broken through the first ice wall and pounding away at a second one. Though Frozone's giving it all he's got, the Omnidroid's starting to break through.]''
:''[Helen looks at the remote, gestures at her kids.]''
:'''Dash:''' It’s getting closer!
:'''Frozone:''' Look out!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Get outta here, kids, find a safe spot!
:'''Violet:''' We’re not going anywhere!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;''''PRESS THE BUTTON!''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Not yet!
:'''Frozone:''' ''[apprehensively, as the Omnidroid advances toward Bob]'' Helen...?
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' A closer target! Ya got one shot!
:''[The Omnidroid shatters the ice wall Frozone put up, it's almost on top of them. Elastigirl presses the button. The claw-rocket fires. Mr. Incredible aims it directly at the Omnidroid's metal underbelly—]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &lt;big&gt;'''''EVERYBODY DUCK!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[—and releases it. The giant metal claw roars overhead and drills clean through the Omnidroid's body, coming out the other side embedded in the CPU. For a long moment nothing happens. Then the gargantuan machine keels over and explodes. It's over. The family looks at each other, stunned]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Hey, Zone.
:''[Frozone starts laughing. Mr. Incredible smiles as he looks at his super family. It feels like his best memories... only better. The seemingly empty city begins to come to life, as people emerge from their hiding places, converging in the street. People begin to spontaneously cheer the heroes, welcoming the Supers' return. Syndrome comes to. Looks over the edge to the streets below to find the battle over and the masses cheering, not for him, but for the group of Supers. He darkens]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Huh? NO!
:''[Two elderly gentlemen stand together in the crowd. One nudges the other]''
:'''Frank Thomas''' Hey, did you see that? That's the way to do it. That's old school.
:'''Ollie Johnston:''' Yeah. No school like the old school.
:'''Frank Thomas:''' Yeah!
:''[They drink in the cheers as the adoring crowd gathers around them]''
:'''Frozone:''' ''[chuckles]'' Just like old times.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Just like old times. ''[slaps Frozone on the back, a little too hard]''
:'''Frozone:''' ''[shaking it off]'' Oh! Yeah. Hurt then too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A long, black limo cruises down the street. Mr. Incredible sits proudly with his family as Rick Dicker debriefs them. Everyone is enjoying the moment, save for Elastigirl, who has already clicked back into &quot;mother mode&quot; and is using the car phone to get messages]''
:'''Rick Dicker:''' We've frozen all of Syndrome's assets. If he even sneezes, we'll be there with a hanky and a pair of handcuffs. The people of this country are indebted to you.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Does this mean we can come out of hiding?
:'''Rick Dicker:''' Let the politicians figure that one out. But I've been asked to assure you we'll take care of everything else. You did good, Bob.
:''[Dash plays with the electric windows as Helen retrieves messages from the car phone. Window up, window down...]''
:'''Kari:''' ''[beeps; over phone]'' Hi, this is Kari. I have a question about Jack-Jack...
:''[...window up, up, down, up.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[to Dash]'' Come on. We're in a limo.
:''[Bob is looking appreciatively at Violet]''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Hey, you're wearing your hair back.
:'''Violet:''' ''[stammering]'' Yeah, I just... yeah.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' It looks good.
:'''Violet:''' ''[blushing]'' Thanks, Dad.
:'''Dash:''' ''[to Bob]'' That was so cool when you threw that car!
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' Not as cool as you running on water.
:'''Dash:''' Hey, Mom, that was sweet when you snagged that bad guy with your arm and kinda whiplashed him into the other guy. It was so sweet!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl)''': Honey, uh, yeah, I'm trying to listen to messages, honey.
:'''Kari:''' ''[beeps; over phone]'' Mrs. Parr, it's me. Jack-Jack is fine, but weird things are happening. Jack-Jack's still fine, but I'm getting really weirded out! When are you coming back?
:'''Dash:''' ...aced those guys that tried to kill us! That was the best vacation ever! ''[flops back on the seat, exhilarated]'' I love our family.
:'''Kari:''' ''[beeps; over phone as Jack-Jack cries]'' I'M NOT FINE, MRS. PARR! PUT THAT DOWN! STOP IT! YOU NEED TO CALL ME! I NEED HELP, MRS. PARR!
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[nudges Bob, shares phone]'' Bob, listen to this.
:''[Helen is listening to the last message as the limo slows to a stop in front of their home]''
:'''Kari:''' ''[over phone as Jack-Jack is still crying]'' I'M CALL THE POLICE OR SOMEONE! ''[calmly]'' Hi, this is Kari. Sorry for freakin' out, but your baby has special needs.
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' &quot;Special needs&quot;?
:'''Kari:''' Anyway, thanks for sending a replacement sitter.
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Replacement? I didn't call for a replacement.
:''[Bob's eyes widen. He and Helen jump from the car, followed by the kids. They cross the lawn and burst through the front door to reveal — Syndrome who spins, hitting the family with his Zero-point energy ray. Cradling a sleeping Jack-Jack in his arms, he grins.]''
:'''Syndrome:''' Shh....The baby is sleeping. ''[Evil laugh]'' You took away my future. I’m simply returning the favor. Oh, don’t worry, I’ll be a good mentor. Supportive, encouraging. Everything that you weren’t. And in time, who knows, he might make a good sidekick. Ha ha!
:''[Syndrome flings the family into the bookcase. He points his power band toward the roof and blows a huge hole in it, revealing his Manta Jet hovering high above. Syndrome fires his jet-boots and takes off toward the jet.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''He’s getting away, Bob!! &lt;big&gt;WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NOW!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:''[Jack-Jack awakens to the sight of his family and home receding beneath him. He starts crying, reaching out for them. Syndrome nears the Manta Jet. Jack-Jack's crying turns angry, and he suddenly bursts into flames. Syndrome shrieks. Jack-Jack's fire goes out, revealing that the baby has turned to metal. Syndrome drops with the sudden weight. His jet-boots compensate, but Syndrome is struggling to stay aloft. The baby's flesh reverts to normal, but the baby begins to vibrate fiercely. Syndrome can barely keep hold of him]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Something’s happening. What’s happening??
:''[The vibrating baby begins to redden, transforming abruptly into a mini demon. The Jack-Jack monster throws a headlock around Syndrome, laughing maniacally and starts to rip apart Syndrome's Jet-boots!]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''&lt;big&gt;WE HAVE TO STOP HIM!!!! THROW SOMTHING!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:'''Bob (Mr. Incredible):''' I can’t! I might hit Jack-Jack!
:''[Jack-Jack screeched while attacking Syndrome. He pulled some of Syndrome's hair and kicks his chin.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' ''[realization, softly]'' Throw me.
:''[Jack-Jack rips a valve from Syndrome's jet-boots, which propels him upward, slamming his head into the jet's wing. He loses hold of Jack-Jack, who falls after changing back into his human form and starts crying.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' '''''&lt;big&gt;BOB, THROW ME!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:''[Helen leaps into Bob's arms, forming into a spear shape. Bob takes aim and flings her toward the falling baby. Helen soars — and grabs Jack-Jack! She quickly blooms into a parachute.]''
:''[Syndrome regains control. He successfully docks with the hovering Manta Jet. He stands at the docking doors, his cape blowing dramatically upwards]''
:'''Syndrome:''' '''''NO!!!''''' This isn't the end of it! I will get your son eventually! I'll get your son! ''[laughs and gasps as he sees Mr. Incredible hurling his car into the air towards the Manta Jet.]'' Oh, no.
:''[Syndrome jumps back as the crafts collide, blowing him off his feet and up over the wing, toward the turbines. Clawing madly to find purchase, he looks over his shoulder in time to see the end of his cape sucked into the intake. Syndrome screams as he's yanked out of frame. Bob, Dash and Violet react as the Manta Jet explodes. Elastigirl cradles Jack-Jack facing upwards, his back toward the ground. He looks at her, giggling and cooing]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' Look at Mommy, honey. Don’t look down. Mommy’s got you. Everything is all right.
:''[But Jack-Jack sees burning wreckage coming toward them and starts to shriek, pointing upwards. Helen turns to see it as wreckage crashes on top of them, destroying the Parr home. Elastigirl and Jack-Jack are saved. Violet and Helen exchange a meaningful look.]''
:'''Helen (Elastigirl):''' That’s my girl.
:'''Dash:''' Does this mean we have to move again?
:''[Everyone chuckles at this. The smoke begins to clear, revealing a lone witness to this cataclysmic event — Rusty, whose eyes are as big as dinner plates.]''
:'''Rusty:''' Oh, man. '''''&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!!!!!!!&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Parker Stadium - Metroville, 3 MONTHS LATER]''
:''[The stadium parking lot is about half full on a beautiful cloudless day. The sign outside the stadium displays &quot;JUNIOR HIGH TRACK FINALS&quot;. Inside the stadium, young runners loosen up at the starting line of the hundred-yard dash. Dash is among them. He waves to the stands. In the stands, Bob, Helen and Jack-Jack wave back. Coming down the steps is none other than Violet's crush, Tony Rydinger. He waves cooly at some friends and heads toward the concession stand. Pausing when he sees Violet and a friend talking nearby. He approaches them.]''
:''[PA announcements]''
:'''Violet''': Do we have to have cheerleaders at the track meet? I mean, what is that all about?
:'''Violet's friend:''' Well, I always thought it was more like a...
:'''Tony:''' Hey.
:'''Violet:''' Hey.
:'''Tony:''' You’re, uh, Violet, right?
:'''Violet:''' That’s me.
:'''Violet's friend''': See you, Vi.
:''[Her friend leaves]''
:'''Tony:''' You look different.
:'''Violet:''' I feel different. Is different... okay?
:'''Tony:''' Hey, different is... ''[clears throat]'' Different is great. ''[stammering]'' Would you wanna...
:'''Violet:''' Yeah?
:'''Tony:''' Do you think maybe... ''[stammering]'' ...you and I... you know...
:'''Violet''''':'' Yeah?
:'''Tony:''' Do you...
:''[Violet silences Tony with a single finger on his lips. Tony stares at her in shock and wonder.]''
:'''Violet:''' Shh. I like movies. I’ll buy the popcorn. Okay?
:'''Tony:''' ''[stammering]'' A movie. There you go. Yeah...yeah! Wait, wait...so Friday?
:'''Violet:''' Friday. ''[She sits down with Bob, Helen and Jack-Jack]''
:''[The starter pistol fires, and the runners take off. Dash jogs well behind the pack in a confident, easy trot. In the stands Bob, Helen, and Violet cheer Dash on.]''
:'''Bob and Helen:''' Go, Dash, go! Go, go, go! Run, run!
:''[Dash hears them and looks toward the stands.]''
:'''Helen''': Run, Dash! Run!
:''[Dash, his eyes still on his family, accelerates a little and quickly moves toward the front of the pack. Dash, clearly confused now, furrows his brows as he again drops back. The family shouts louder]''
:'''Bob:''' Come on, run! Pick up the pace! Move it, move it! Pace it! Slow down just a little bit! Don’t give up! Make it close!
:''[Understanding, Dash accelerates just enough to scare the leader, crossing the finish line inches behind him.]''
:'''Helen:''' Second!
:'''Bob:''' Close second, close second. Yeah! That’s my boy!
:''[The family crosses the parking lot, Dash sitting atop Bob's shoulders, clutching his second-place trophy. Everyone is happy and together]''
:'''Helen:''' Dash, I'm so proud of you.
:'''Dash:''' I didn't know what the heck you wanted me to do.
:''[The ground begins to quake. The Incredibles stop as the low rumble grows louder. On the far side of the lot, cars begin to be thrown into the air, tossed about like toys. A gargantuan drill spirals out of the ground, throwing dirt and chunks of asphalt in all directions. People run screaming as the enormous metallic vehicle crests and crashes to earth. A door opens on top and a hulking figure in dirty overalls emerges atop a rising platform, his ragged voice amplified through a loudspeaker,]''
:'''Underminer''': '''BEHOLD, THE UNDERMINER!'' I am always beneath you, but nothing is beneath ME! I hereby declare WAR ON PEACE and happiness! Soon all will tremble BEFORE ME!
:''[Camera pans off Bob as he glances at his family. They've already donned their masks, ready as they'll ever be. Camera returns to Bob, revealing that he too has put on his mask. He turns toward their new nemesis and smiles, rips his shirt open to reveal the &quot;i&quot; insignia on the chest of his super suit underneath, the logo of Letter I and The Incredibles; credits roll].''

== Taglines ==
* Save the day.
* Discover the Side of Superheroes You've Never Seen Before
* Expect The Incredible.
* Twice the hero he used to be!
* Super cool!
* No gut, no glory.
* Sock'er Mom.

== Cast ==
=== Voice Cast (in Order of Appearance) ===
* [[w:Craig T. Nelson|Craig T. Nelson]] – Robert &quot;Bob&quot; Parr/Mr. Incredible
* [[w:Holly Hunter|Holly Hunter]] – Helen Parr/Elastigirl
* [[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]] – Lucius Best/Frozone
* [[w:Jason Lee (actor)|Jason Lee]] – Buddy Pine/Syndrome
* Dominique Louis – Bomb Voyage
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] – Newsreel Narrator
* [[w:Jean Sincere|Jean Sincere]] – Mrs. Hogenson
* Eli Fucile'''&lt;br&gt;'''Maeve Andrews – Jack-Jack Parr
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] – Gilbert Huph
* [[w:Spencer Fox|Spencer Fox]] – Dashiell &quot;Dash&quot; Parr
* [[w:Lou Romano|Lou Romano]] – Bernie Kropp
* Wayne Canney – Principal
* [[Sarah Vowell]] – Violet Parr
* Michael Bird – Tony Rydinger
* [[w:Elizabeth Pena|Elizabeth Peña]] – Mirage
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] – Rick Dicker
* [[Brad Bird]] – Edna &quot;E&quot; Mode
* Bret Parker – Kari
* Kimberly Clark – Honey
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] – Underminer

=== Additional Voices ===
* Nicholas Bird – Rusty McAllister
* [[w:Frank Thomas (animator)|Frank Thomas – Himself]]
* [[w:Ollie Johnston|Ollie Johnston – Himself]]
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] – Jet's Automated Captain/Robotic Security Bird/Tablet (uncredited)
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] – Soldier
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] – Guard #1 (uncredited)
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] – Guard #2 (uncredited)
* Randy Nelson – Police Officer #1
* [[w:Mark Andrews (filmmaker)|Mark Andrews]] – Police Officer #2
* [[w:Peter Sohn|Peter Sohn]] – Mugger
* [[w:Patrick Pinney|Patrick Pinney]] – Oliver Sansweet (uncredited)
* [[w:Bill Farmer|Bill Farmer]] – Oliver Sansweet's Lawyer (uncredited)
* [[Rodger Bumpass]] – Mr. Incredible's Lawyer (uncredited)
* [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]] – Police Officer #3
* Mickie McGowan – Citizen Mother (uncredited)
* Elizabeth Greenberg – Citizen #1
* Katherine Ringgold – Citizen #2
* Deirdre Warin – Old Lady
* [[w:John Walker (film producer)|John Walker]] – Minister (uncredited)
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] (uncredited)
* [[w:Rick Miller (comedian)|Rick Miller]] (uncredited)

== Trailers ==
=== Teaser Trailer ===
:''[the screen shows Disney and Pixar logos, the text puts up &quot;Walt Disney Pictures presents&quot; and &quot;a Pixar Animation Studios film&quot;, fades to the camera zooms by the picture frames, then hearing a phone ringing, then Bob picks up the phone]''
:'''Telephone''': Mr. Incredible, we need your help.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': ''[grabs the outfit, putting black shoes on, then putting long black gloves on, then putting a black mask on]'' Showtime.
:''[tries to put the belt on]''
:'''Helen''': ''[off-screen]'' Honey, come to dinner!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': I can't come to dinner! I've got the... I gotta go!
:''[continues trying to put the belt on]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Maybe just a salad, and uh, yeah. Ooh, and some rice cakes!
:''[continues trying to put the belt on, then trying to put the belt on, slamming the desk, then trying to put the belt on, then trying to put the belt on, sitting on a chair, then trying to put the belt on, stamping on the ground, then looking at the belt, then trying to put the belt on, hitting the chair]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Come on.
:''[takes a deep breath, putting the belt on, the belt breaks off of him, blowing the lights out, then the film's title, then the text puts up &quot;SAVE THE DAY&quot; and &quot;11 - 5 - 2004&quot;, the film website, labeled &quot;Incredibles.com&quot;, is bellow]''

=== Theatrical Trailer #1 ===
Random

=== Theatrical Trailer #2 ===
Random

=== Next Movie: ===
''[[Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas]]'' (2004)

== See also ==
* [[Incredibles 2]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{imdb title | id=0317705 | title=The Incredibles}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=incredibles|title=The Incredibles}}
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20050508020251/http://jupiter.walagata.com/w/frodo01/the_incredibles_transcript.htm Unofficial transcript of the movie]


{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Incredibles, The}}
[[Category:2004 films]]
[[Category:2004 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Films about revenge]]
[[Category:Films directed by Brad Bird]]
[[Category:Films set on fictional islands]]
[[Category:Pixar]]
[[Category:The Incredibles]]
[[Category:2000s English-language films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Charlotte's Web (1973 film)</title>
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        <username>Lester Boggs</username>
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      <text bytes="14817" sha1="6rrxhn4x943l1oe0a2w1he4bvhm7cf1" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Charlotte's Web (1973 film)|Charlotte's Web]]''''' is a 1973 American [[w:animation|animated]] [[w:musical film|musical film]] about a pig named Wilbur who befriends an intelligent spider named Charlotte who saves him from being slaughtered.
:''Directed by [[w:Charles A. Nichols|Charles A. Nichols]] and [[w:Iwao Takamoto|Iwao Takamoto]]. Written by [[E.B. White]] (book) and [[w:Earl Hamner Jr.|Earl Hamner Jr.]] (story).''
{{center|'''That humble, radiant, terrific book is now a humble, radiant, terrific movie.''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Narrator ==
* ''[opening narration]'' This old world is filled with [[wonder]]s, but to me there's no place more wonderful than a farm in springtime, when the sun is just lifting on the skyline. The air is so sweet, and everywhere you look, little [[miracle]]s are happening. Buds swell into blossoms, eggs hatch, young are born. Everything's off to a fresh start, and life is good and busy and brand-new. Around a barnyard, big families are a blessing. The more, the merrier. Root and grunt, push and shove, room for everybody. Well, everybody except the runt. John Arable had been up since daybreak. He'd seen the size of the pig, and he wasn't looking forward to what had to be done.
* ''[closing narration]'' Wilbur never forgot Charlotte. Although he loved her children and grandchildren dearly, none of the new [[spiders]] ever quite took her place in his heart. She was in a class by herself. It's not often that someone comes along who is a true friend, and a good writer. Charlotte was both.

== Wilbur ==
* Then, write this in your webs, when you learn. This hallowed doorway was once the home of Charlotte. She was brilliant, beautiful, and loyal to the end.

== The Goose ==
* ''[after Wilbur asks the Goose if she would like to play with him]'' I'm no flibberty-ibberty-gibbit! I'm staying here and hatching my goslings!

* ''[to Templeton]'' You'll worry alright when [[winter]] comes! If Wilbur is killed, and his trough stands empty, then you'll grow so thin we can look ''right through your stomach'' and see objects on ''the other side!''

== Templeton ==
* The goose was right! This fair is a rat's paradise! Bye-bye, my &quot;humble&quot; Wilbur! Fare thee well, Charlotte, you old schemer! This will be a night to remember!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Avery Arable''': Can I have a pig too, Pop?
:'''John Arable''': [put the jacket on his hook] No, I only distribute pigs to early risers. Fern was up at daylight, trying to rid the world of [[injustice]]. ''[Avery's frog escapes his jacket and jumps all over the breakfast table]'' Seems to me you've already got more [[wildlife]] than you can take care of, Avery.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Goose''': Sorry, sonny, sorry; I'm sitting-sitting on my eggs, but if you'd like to come here and talk, you're welcome-welcome-welcome. ''[beat]'' Can't you talk-talk-talk? You probably-obably could if you try. Come on, try! Try! Try! Oh, you can do better than that!
:'''Wilbur''': W-w-w-wi-el-bur.
:'''Goose''': Good. Very good!
:'''Wilbur''': Wilbur. Wilbur!
:'''Goose''': There, there, there! You speak very well.
:'''Wilbur''': I can talk. I can talk! I can actually, factually talk! ''[singing]'' Isn't it great, that I articulate?/Isn't it grand, that you can understand?/I don't grunt/I don't oink/I don't even squeak or squawk/When I wanna say a-somethin', I open up and talk! I can talk! I can talk, talk, talk, I can...
:'''Old Sheep''': Why don't you keep it down?
:'''Wilbur''': I can talk!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wilbur''': ''[to a lamb]'' Wanna play?
:'''Baby Lamb''': ''[to an old sheep]'' May I, Papa?
:'''Old Sheep''': Certainly not. In the first place, you can't get out of your pen. In the second place, sheep do not play with pigs.
:'''Wilbur''': Why not?
:'''Old Sheep''': Oh, it's a matter of status. Sheep, for instance, are highly regarded by Zuckerman, because we furnish him with good-quality wool. With pigs, on the other hand, it's just a matter of [[time]].
:'''Wilbur''': Time till what?
:'''Old Sheep''': Till you're fat enough to kill.
:'''Wilbur''': ''[incredulously]'' What did you say?!
:'''Old Sheep''': Oh, everybody knows it. In the fall, you'll be turned into smoked bacon and ham. Just as soon as cold weather sets in, they'll kill you.
:'''Wilbur''': Ohh! ''[faints]''
:'''Goose''': Templeton. 
:'''Templeton''': Hmm?
:'''Goose''': Templeton! Would you do something-umthing-umthing about Wilbur, please?
:'''Wilbur''': Is it true what the old sheep says? Is that awful thing true?!
:'''Goose''': It's a dirty-irty trick, but it's true.
:'''Wilbur''': I don't want to die! I want to stay here in my warm manure pile! I want to breathe the beautiful [[air]], and lie in the beautiful [[sun]]! 
:'''Old Sheep''': ''[sarcastic]'' You're certainly making a beautiful ''noise''.
:'''Wilbur''': ''[breaking into tears]'' I don't want to die! ''I don't want to die!''
:'''Charlotte''': ''[unseen]'' Quiet, Wilbur! Now chin up!
:'''Wilbur''': Who said that?
:'''Charlotte''': Do you want a friend?
:'''Wilbur''': Yes, I want a friend. But I want to live, too!
:'''Charlotte''': Well, chin up. I'll be your friend, and I'll try to save your life. I've been watching you, and I like you.
:'''Wilbur''': I can't see you. What do you mean &quot;''chin up''&quot;?
:'''Charlotte''': Now go to sleep. You'll see me in the morning, and I'll explain everything then.
:'''Narrator''': Wilbur's stomach was empty, and his mind was full. And when your stomach is empty and your mind is full, it's always hard to sleep. But sleep and Wilbur finally found each other.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlotte''': Salutations.
:'''Wilbur''': Salu-what?
:'''Charlotte''': Salutations.
:'''Wilbur''': What are they? And where are you?
:'''Charlotte''': Salutations are greetings. It's my fancy way of saying hello. Look up here, in the doorway!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After the goose's eggs have hatched]''
:'''Wilbur''': Congratulations! How many are there?
:'''Goose''': There are seven.
:'''Charlotte''': Seven is a lucky number.
:'''Goose''': ''[proudly]'' [[Luck]] had absolutely nothing to do with it! It was really good management and hard work.
:'''Templeton''': ''[looking at a solitary unhatched egg]'' Why didn't, uh, this one hatch?
:'''The Goose''': ''[gloomily]'' It's a dud, I guess.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Avery''': Why isn't that gosling with his mother?
:''[Jeffrey runs to Wilbur]''
:'''Fern''': Because he likes Wilbur.
:'''Avery''': Shrimpy little thing. ''[Jeffrey oinks like a pig at Avery]'' Sounds more like a pig than a gosling.
:''[Jeffrey oinks like a pig again and looks proud of himself]''
:'''Avery''': ''[noticing Charlotte]'' Wow! Look at that big spider! I'm gonna catch it for my collection!
:'''Fern''': Avery, you leave that spider alone!''
:'''Avery''': That's a fine spider and I'm catching it! What's the matter with you, Wilbur?
:'''Fern''': He doesn't like you in there. Now, get out! ''[as Wilbur bursts Avery down, the egg cracks under the pig pen]'' What did you do, Avery?!
:'''Avery:''' ''[disgusted]'' Uhhh... Good night! What a stink!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': Getting to be famous didn't change Wilbur one bit. Through all the crowds and publicity and glamour, he stayed the same old Wilbur. He was glad when the crowds stopped coming and he could be with his real friends again. Even Mrs. Fussy fell for the message in the web, and let Henry come over to see the famous pig.
:''[Wilbur notices Fern and Henry, they petted him; suddenly a hornet almost stung Fern!]''
:'''Henry:''' A hornet! Duck!
:''[Henry pushes Fern duck down as a hornet lands to wreck Charlotte's web. Wilbur discovered the web was wrecked in dismay]''
:'''Wilbur''': Ohhh.
:''[Charlotte she wraps the hornet up]''
:'''Fern:''' It's all right, Wilbur. Everybody knows you're some pig.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Charlotte is looking for a new message to write in her web]''
:'''Jeffrey''': How about, &quot;Wilbur's nice&quot;?
:'''Charlotte''': Well, he ''is'' nice, but I need something a little more exciting.
:'''Baby Lamb''': How about &quot;Pig Supreme&quot;?
:'''Charlotte''': No good. It sounds like a rich dessert.
:'''Goose''': How about &quot;terrific, terrific, terrific&quot;?
:'''Charlotte''': Cut that down to one &quot;terrific&quot; and it will do very nicely. I think &quot;Terrific&quot; might impress Zuckerman.
:'''Wilbur''': But Charlotte, I'm not terrific.
:'''Charlotte''': You're terrific as far as I am concerned. ''[Templeton hits Wilbur in the face with his tail as he walks by; Charlotte glares at him]'' Does anybody know how to spell it?
:'''Goose''': I think it's T, double-E double-R, double-R, double-I, double-F, double-I, double-C-C-C.
:'''Charlotte''': What kind of an acrobat do you think I am? It would take me all night to write that.
:'''Old Sheep''': I'd advise you not to consult geese in matters of spelling. The word is spelled T-E-R-R-I-F-I-C.
:'''The Goose''': ''[firmly]'' I still think it's prettier spelled: T, double-E, double-R, double-R, double-I-
:'''Charlotte''': Please! Let me spell it my way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Edith Zuckerman''': Homer, I'm gonna give that pig a buttermilk bath.
:'''Homer Zuckerman''': A what?
:'''Edith Zuckerman''': Well, my gran'mother always used to bathe ''her'' pig with buttermilk when it got dirty.
:'''Homer Zuckerman''': Wilbur's not dirty.
:'''Edith Zuckerman''': Oh, he's filthy! An' I'm gonna clean him with buttermilk!
:'''Homer Zuckerman''': Edith, you're crazy.
:''[later:]''
:'''Homer Zuckerman''': Edith, I've got to hand it to you; that pig looks a hundred percent better.
:'''Edith Zuckerman''': You just wait 'til he's dry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Drum Major''': Mr. Homer Zuckerman?
:'''Homer Zuckerman''': That's me.
:'''Drum Major''': We've come to escort you and your Famous Pig to the grandstand.
:'''Homer Zuckerman''': What for?
:'''Drum Major''': I don' know, but we'd better get going.
:'''Edith Zuckerman''': Oh my goodness! Go up in front of all those people? Does my hair look all right, Homer?
:'''Homer Zuckerman''': It looks fine.
:'''Edith Zuckerman''': He didn't even look at my hair!
:'''Mrs. Arable''': It's all right, Edith, now just keep calm.
:'''Edith Zuckerman''': Aren't you gonna crate the pig, Homer?
:'''Homer Zuckerman''': No. Let him walk so everybody can see him!
:''[wild excitement from the customers was heard before the band began playing as Homer and Wilbur led the way with Wilbur stepping along with the rhythm of the music and with Fern and the others following the band]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fair M. C.''': Ladies and gentlemen! We now present.. Mr. Homer L. Zuckerman and his &lt;big&gt;'''DISTINGUISHED PIG.'''&lt;/big&gt; ''[crowd cheers normally]'' The fame of this unique animal has spread to the far corners of the earth, attracting many valuable tourists to our great state. You recall that day last summer when the writing appeared mysteriously on the spider's web in Mr. Zuckerman's barn. This miracle has never been explained. All we know is that we're dealing with supernatural forces here, and we should all be proud and grateful. In the words of the spider's web, this is some pig! ''[crowd cheers normally; a barbershop quartet performs &quot;Zuckerman's Famous Pig&quot; as Wilbur dances]''
:'''Barbershop Quartet''': [singing] He's some pig. Some pig. Some terrific, radiant, humble pig. He is some pig. Oh, wow, look at him now, Zuckerman's Famous Pig. Soo-ee, what do you see? The greatest hog in history. Fine swine, wish he was mine. What if he's not so big? He's some terrific, radiant, humble thing-a-ma-jig of a fine phenomenon. My land, isn't he grand? Zuckerman's Famous Pig! Golly, you've got to agree, he's a real celebrity. Fine swine, wish he was mine. What if he's not so big? He's some terrific, radiant, humble Thing-a-ma-jig of a pig. The terrific, radiant, humble... Zuckerman's... Zuckerman's... Zuckerman's... Zuckerman's... Zuckerman's... Zuckerman's Famous Pig! ''[crowd cheers normally]''
:'''Fair M. C.''': On behalf of the governors of the fair, I have the honor of awarding a special prize of $25 to Mr. Zuckerman. ''[crowd cheers normally]'' And this handsome bronze medal, suitably engraved, to this radiant, this terrific, this humble pig. ''[the medal is placed around Wilbur's neck, earning cheers from the crowd until Homer Zuckerman made an announcement]''
:'''Homer Zuckerman''': Thank you. Thank you, everybody. He's some pig! And if I have anything to do with it, he's gonna live to a ripe old age! ''[crowd cheers loudly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Templeton successfully retrieves Charlotte's egg sack and places it in Wilbur's crate]''
:'''Wilbur''': Charlotte, your children are safe. ''[pauses]'' Charlotte?
:'''Charlotte''': ''[last words]'' I'm thinking of your life, Wilbur. Nothing can harm you now.
:''[sings:]'' ''The autumn days grow short and cold; It's Christmas time again.''
:''Then snows of winter slowly melt. The day grows short, and then...''
:''He turns the seasons around,''
:''And so she changes... her gown.''
:''Mother Earth... and Father Time.''
:''[Words are slowly being reduced to a whisper]''
:''How very special are we......''
:''For just a moment... to be......''
:''Part of life's........''
:''Eternal............''
:''Rhyme.''
:''[Charlotte finally passes away; silence]''
:'''Wilbur''': Charlotte? Charlotte. CHARLOTTE!
:''[Wilbur breaks down in tears]''

== Cast ==
* [[w:Henry Gibson|Henry Gibson]] - Wilbur
* [[Debbie Reynolds]] - Charlotte A. Cavatica
* [[w:Paul Lynde|Paul Lynde]] - Templeton
* [[w:Agnes Moorehead|Agnes Moorehead]] - The Goose
* [[w:Pam Ferdin|Pamelyn Ferdin]] - Fern Arable
* [[w:Bob Holt (actor)|Bob Holt]] - Homer Zuckerman
* [[w:Joan Gerber|Joan Gerber]] - Edith Zuckerman and Mrs Fussy
* [[w:John Stephenson (actor)|John Stephenson]] - John Arable
* [[w:Danny Bonaduce|Danny Bonaduce]] - Avery Arable
* [[w:Don Messick|Don Messick]] - Jeffrey
* William B. White - Henry Fussy
* [[w:Martha Scott|Martha Scott]] - Jane Arable
* [[w:Herb Vigran|Herb Vigran]] - Lurvy
* [[w:Dave Madden|Dave Madden]] - Ram
* [[w:Rex Allen|Rex Allen]] - the Narrator

== See also ==
* [[Charlotte's Web (book)|''Charlotte's Web'' (book)]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|1003952-charlottes_web|Charlotte's Web}}
* {{imdb title|0070016|Charlotte's Web}}

[[Category:1973 films]]
[[Category:1970s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated drama films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Animated films based on novels]]
[[Category:Films about webs]]
[[Category:Films about spiders]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Animated films about death]]
[[Category:Animated films about friendship]]
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  <page>
    <title>Bill Cosby</title>
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      <comment>/* Quotes about Bill Cosby */ I added quotes from Salon, Kierna Mayo, and Roland Martin.</comment>
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      <text bytes="33609" sha1="mi33tk0sk834h7diobw0qczp9ppz3jb" xml:space="preserve">[[File:2011 Bill Cosby.jpg|thumb|[[w:Bill Cosby|Bill Cosby]] in 2011]]
'''[[w:Bill Cosby|William Henry &quot;Bill&quot; Cosby, Jr.]]''' Ed.D (born [[12 July]] [[1937]]) is an American actor, comedian, television producer, and author. He first found success as a standup comic before moving into acting. In the action series ''I Spy'' (1965-68) he was one of the first black actors to have a leading role on a regular American series, and in the 1980s and '90s ''The Cosby Show'' (1984-1992) was a major hit for NBC, being the most popular American television program for five consecutive seasons.

== Quotes ==
[[File:BillCosby.jpg|144px|thumb|right|Our children are trying to tell us something, and we are not listening. I don't care what the statistics say.]]
[[File:1957 December 23 US Navy Medicine photo of Bill Cosby.jpg|144px|thumb|right|I said to a guy, I said, &quot;Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful?&quot;, and he said, &quot;Well, it intensifies your personality.&quot; I said, &quot;Yes, but what if you're an asshole?&quot;]]

[[File:US Navy 071107-N-8292T-082 Vice Adm. Adam M. Robinson Jr., the first black surgeon general of the Navy, is presented the Celebrate Our Passion for Excellence in Ph.D. Pursuits award.jpg|144px|thumb|right|Because of my father, between the ages 7 through 15, I thought my name was &quot;[[Jesus]] [[w:Christ|Christ]].&quot;]]

* If at first you don't succeed, you're about average.
**Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids.

* The weatherman is always right, It's his timing that's off.
**Id.

* The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.
**id.

*Let the message be known to bigots and racists that they don’t count!
**In 1968 when accepting his third Emmy Award.[https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/09/15/eternal-paternal]

* People putting their clothes on backwards. Isn't that a sign of something going on wrong? Are you not paying attention? People with their hat on backwards, [[pants]] down around the crack. Isn't that a sign of something or are you waiting for Jesus to pull his pants up?
* We've got to take the neighborhood back. We've got to go in there. Just forget telling your child to go to the Peace Corps. It's right around the corner. It's standing on the corner. It can't speak English. It doesn't want to speak English. I can't even talk the way these people talk. &quot;Why you ain't where you is go.&quot; I don't know who these people are. And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. Then I heard the father talk. This is all in the house. You used to talk a certain way on the corner and you got into the house and switched to English. Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't land a plane with &quot;why you ain't…&quot;. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth. There is no Bible that has that kind of language. Where did these people get the idea that they're moving ahead on this? Well, they know they're not, they're just hanging out in the same place, five or six generations sitting in the projects when you're just supposed to stay there long enough to get a job and move out.
** &quot;Dr Bill Cosby Speaks at the 50th Anniversary commemoration of the Brown vs Topeka Board of Education Supreme Court Decision,&quot; known as the [[w:Pound Cake speech|&quot;Pound Cake&quot; speech]] (May 2004).

* I am not interested in statistics that tell me things are not as bad as they seem. Things are horrible. I have met people crying about what is happening, but there is no solution yet. Our children are trying to tell us something, and we are not listening. I don't care what the statistics say.
** &quot;Paths to Success: A Forum on African American Men&quot; panel discussion ([[July 18]], [[2006]]), quoted in {{cite news
 | last = Fulbright
 | first = Leslie
 | url = http://www.nospank.net/n-q19r.htm
 | title = Cosby, Others Say Black Men Still in Crisis
 | work = [[w:San Francisco Chronicle|San Francisco Chronicle]]
 | date = ([[July 19]], [[2006]])
}}

* We see a successful, elegant man now, but as a child, an adolescent, his life was not a done deal. [[Sidney Poitier|Sidney]] respected his mistakes. When failure came, he never said, &quot;This is too difficult, too hard,&quot; he had the resiliency to try again. His life is somewhere between astounding and unbelievable.
** Comment on [[Sidney Poitier]], as quoted in a [http://cq5.share.aarp.org/aarp/presscenter/pressrelease/articles/exclusive_hollywood_legend_sidney_poitier_opens_up.html press release at AARP (24 July 2008)]

* My father walked to school 4 o'clock every morning with no shoes on, uphill, both ways, in 5 feet of snow and he was thankful.
** {{cite web|url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt33zqib2qk#t=01m57s |title=Bill Cosby---Grandparents(Youtube) |accessdate=15 August 2010}}

* I know I didn't ''say'' anything, but I'm asking your integrity that since I didn't wanna say anything, but I did ''answer'' you, in terms of I don't wanna say anything of what value will it have? ... And I would appreciate it if it was scuttled.
** Associated Press interview, {{#formatdate:2014-11-06}}, quoted in {{cite news |date=2014-11-19 |title=Bill Cosby on Rape Allegations: ‘I Don’t Talk About It’ |author=Maya Rhodan |work=Time  |url=http://time.com/3596545/cosby-responds-rape-allegations-ap-video/ |accessdate=2014-11-24}}
** Post-interview on-camera remarks, requesting they not air his interviewer's attempt to ask him about comedian Hannibal Buress' comedy routine about multiple women having alleged that Cosby drugged and raped them:
*** &lt;small&gt;''Brett Zongker:'' I have to ask about your name coming up in the news recently regarding this comedian—&lt;br /&gt;''Bill Cosby:'' No, no, we don't answer that.&lt;br /&gt;''Brett Zongker:'' OK. I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to respond about whether any of that was true.&lt;br /&gt;''Bill Cosby:'' There's no response.&lt;br /&gt;''Brett Zongker:'' I'm gonna ask you, if— With the persona that people know about Bill Cosby, should they believe anything differently about what—?&lt;br /&gt;''Bill Cosby:'' There is no comment about that.&lt;br /&gt;''Brett Zongker:'' OK.&lt;br /&gt;''Bill Cosby:'' And I'll tell you why.&lt;br /&gt;''Brett Zongker:'' OK.&lt;br /&gt;''Bill Cosby:'' I think you were told. I don't want to compromise your integrity, but um, we don't— I don't talk about it.&lt;/small&gt;

*I have always been proud of my association with Temple University. I have always wanted to do what would be in the best interests of the university and its students. As a result, I have tendered my resignation from the Temple University Board of Trustees.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/bill-cosby-resigns-temple-university-753043|work={{w|The Hollywood Reporter}}|title=Bill Cosby Resigns From Temple University Board of Trustees|author=THR Staff|date=December 1, 2014|accessdate=December 1, 2014|archivedate=December 1, 2014|archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20141201220716/http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/bill-cosby-resigns-temple-university-753043}}

*I have never changed my stance nor my story. I have always maintained my innocence. Thank you to all my fans, supporters and friends who stood by me through this ordeal. Special thanks to the Pennsylvania Supreme Court for upholding the rules of law.
**In 2021 on his acquittal concerning sexual assault allegations that involved him.[https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/general-news/bill-cosby-prison-release-1234976311/]

===''[[w:Himself (Bill Cosby album)|Himself]]'' (1983)===
* My wife and I have five children, and the reason we have five children is because we do not want ''six''.

* My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, &quot;You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you.&quot;

* [[w:Carol Burnett|Carol Burnett]] put it best when she described labor pains. She said, &quot;Take your bottom lip, and pull it over your head.&quot;

* I said to a guy, I said, &quot;Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful?&quot;, and he said, &quot;Well, it intensifies your personality.&quot; I said, &quot;Yes, but what if you're an asshole?&quot; 

* Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair, and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.

* A person with no children says, &quot;Well I just love children,&quot; and you say &quot;Why?&quot; and they say, &quot;Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em — they tell the truth.&quot; That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain. 

* My wife stood up in the stirrups, grabbed my bottom lip and said &quot;I want ''morphine!''&quot; I said &quot;But, dear —&quot; ''[vigorously breathing]''. She said &quot;You shut up! ''YOU'' did this to me!&quot; And on the next contraction she told everybody in the delivery room that my parents were never married.

* Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

==Attributed==
*''[Eddie Murphy imitating Bill Cosby's voice]'' &quot;Yooouuu can not say filth flarn filth flarn filth in front of people.&quot; And I said, &quot;I never said no 'filth flarn filth'!&quot; He said, &quot;You know what I'm talking about. I can't use the type of language that ''you'' use, but you know what I mean when I say 'filth flarn flarn flarn filth'.&quot; And I said, &quot;I never said no 'filth flarn filth', and I don't know what you're talking about, and I'm offended that you called. Fuck you.&quot; And that's when Bill got pissed. &quot;That's what I'm talking about! Yoooouuuu cannot say... 'fuck'!&quot;
**[[Eddie Murphy]], ''Eddie Murphy Raw'' (1987)
**Recounting a phone call he received from Bill Cosby.

{{Misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==
* I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
** Originally from Herbert Bayard Swope (1882-1958); often attributed to Cosby, he actually cites this as a sound advice he once read elsewhere, in &quot;Dr. Bill Cosby&quot; in ''Ebony'', Vol. 32, No. 8 (June 1977), p. 136

* The very first law in [[advertising]] is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.
** Originally from [[Stuart Chase]]
{{Misattributed end}}

==Quotes about Bill Cosby==
[[File:Ronald Reagan 1985 presidential portrait.jpg|thumb|You may be surprised that by helping others you'll find how much you're also helping yourself by building your confidence and meeting wonderful people. One person I know who agrees with this is [[w:Bill Cosby|Bill Cosby]]. He's been so successful and has so much, yet he still thinks of others. Last month he gave a substantial contribution to Fisk University, one of America's historically black colleges. His generosity, his caring, is one of the things that makes him someone we admire, and not just for his talent. We all can't give as much as Bill Cosby. ~ [[Ronald Reagan]]]]
[[File:George-W-Bush.jpeg|thumb|[[w:Bill Cosby|Bill Cosby]] is a gifted comedian who has used the power of laughter to heal wounds and to build bridges. &quot;I don't think you can bring the races together by joking about the differences between them,&quot; he said. &quot;I'd rather talk about the similarities, about what's universal in their experiences.&quot; By focusing on our common humanity, Bill Cosby is helping to create a truly united America. ~ [[George W. Bush]]]]]
[[File:Jerry Seinfeld 2011 Shankbone.JPG|thumb|He opened a door for all of us, for all of the networks to even consider that this was a way to create a character, was to take someone who can hold an audience just by being up there and telling their story. He created that. He created the whole idea of taking a quote-unquote 'comic' and developing a TV show just from a persona that you see on stage. ~ [[w:Jerry Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]]]]
[[File:Chris Rock in 2021.jpg|thumb|I don't know what to say. What do you say? I hope it's not true. That's all you can say. I really do. I grew up on Cosby. I love Cosby, and I just hope it's not true. It's a weird year for comedy. We lost [[w:Robin Williams|Robin Williams]], we lost [[w:Joan Rivers|Joan Rivers]], and we kind of lost Cosby. ~ [[w:Chris Rock|Chris Rock]]]]
[[File:Louis CK 2012 Shankbone 3.JPG|thumb|I loved him as a kid. I listened to his albums when I was a kid. He's got like a musical way of, the way he tells stories and lays them out, it's just really, hits for me. His comedy was what it was still, but it's erased now. If there's any montages of American television, we're all gonna pretend he didn't do these things anymore. I don't know how to feel all of it, it's a very complicated thing.  ~ [[w:Louis C.K.|Louis C.K.]]]]
[[File:Adam Sandler Jay Kelly-33 (cropped).jpg|thumb|The 'Cos' was everybody's dad. I idolized the guy, and so did every guest star on the show. ~ [[w:Adam Sandler|Adam Sandler]]]]
[[File:Sean Combs Cannes 2012 (3x4 cropped 2).jpg|thumb|There was nothing bigger to me than [[w:The Cosby Show|The Cosby Show]], being in front of that TV. ~ [[w:Sean Combs|Sean Combs]]]]

* The 'Cos' was everybody's dad. I idolized the guy, and so did every guest star on the show. ~ [[w:Adam Sandler|Adam Sandler]]

*We don't turn people away because things are out of statute. You come to us, especially with a sexual allegation, we will work with you. We address these things seriously, and it's not just because it's Mr. Cosby.
**[[Charlie Beck]] ({{w|Los Angeles Police Department}} Chief) on willingness to investigate claims of sexual assault against Bill Cosby even if past the {{w|statute of limitations}} &amp;mdash; quoted in: {{cite news|accessdate=December 5, 2014|work={{w|Los Angeles Times}}|url=http://www.latimes.com/local/crime/la-me-lapd-bill-cosby-20141205-story.html|title=LAPD chief vows to investigate Bill Cosby sexual assault allegations|date=December 4, 2014|author=Kate Mather|author2=Richard Winton|archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20141205052637/http://www.latimes.com/local/crime/la-me-lapd-bill-cosby-20141205-story.html|archivedate=December 5, 2014}}

* He opened a door for all of us, for all of the networks to even consider that this was a way to create a character, was to take someone who can hold an audience just by being up there and telling their story. He created that. He created the whole idea of taking a quote-unquote 'comic' and developing a TV show just from a persona that you see on stage. ~ [[w:Jerry Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]]

*There was no knowledge on my part about his specific actions, but… There was just energy. And that type of sinister, shadow energy cannot be concealed
**[[Lisa Bonet]] (played Claire Huxtable) in [https://www.net-a-porter.com/en-gb/porter/article-33a55e73f6c7ac7b/cover-stories/cover-stories/lisa-bonet 9 March 2018] interview

*And it's even worse because B‎ill Cosby has the fuckin' smuggest old black man public persona that I hate. He gets on TV, &quot;Pull yo' pants up, black people. I was on TV in the '80s! I can talk down to you, cause I had a successful sitcom!&quot; Yeah, but you rape women, Bill Cosby, so, kinda brings you down a couple notches. &quot;I don't curse on stage!&quot; Well, yeah, you a rapist, so, I'll take you sayin' lots of motherfuckers on ''Bill Cosby: Himself'' if you weren't a rapist.
** Hannibal Buress, comedian, performing at the Trocadero, Philadelphia, {{#formatdate:2014-10-17}}, quoted in {{cite journal|date={{#formatdate:2014-10-17}}|title=Hannibal Buress on Bill Cosby: “You’re a Rapist”|author=Dan McQuade|magazine=Philadelphia|url=http://www.phillymag.com/ticket/2014/10/17/hannibal-buress-bill-cosby-rapist/|accessdate=2014-12-01}}

*Hey, Bill Cosby. Pull ''your'' damn pants up.
** Michael Che, &quot;[http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/weekend-update-112214-part-1-of-2/2830159 Weekend Update]&quot;, ''[[Saturday Night Live]]'' season 40 episode 7 ({{#formatdate:2014-11-22}}), quoted in {{cite web|date=2014-11-23|title=SNL's Michael Che Hopes to Forgive Dr. Huxtable Despite Allegations: ‘I Forgave Kramer’|author=Tina Nguyen|work=Mediaite|url=http://www.mediaite.com/tv/snls-michael-che-hopes-to-forgive-dr-huxtable-despite-cosby-allegations-i-forgave-kramer/|accessdate=2014-12-12}}

*You may be surprised that by helping others you'll find how much you're also helping yourself by building your confidence and meeting wonderful people. One person I know who agrees with this is [[w:Bill Cosby|Bill Cosby]]. He's been so successful and has so much, yet he still thinks of others. Last month he gave a substantial contribution to Fisk University, one of America's historically black colleges. His generosity, his caring, is one of the things that makes him someone we admire, and not just for his talent. We all can't give as much as Bill Cosby. ~ [[Ronald Reagan]] https://www.reaganlibrary.gov/archives/speech/address-high-school-students-martin-luther-king-jrs-birthday

*Well let me tell you, and I understand this about the current victim. The first thing you feel is stupid, and then you feel that no one will believe you. This is the great Bill Cosby, he has tremendous wealth, power, a p.r. machine, a reputation, he is Mr. Jell-O, but the worst thing you feel is stupid. There's a shame element involved.
**Tamara Green, on why victims are scared to come forward &amp;mdash; cited in: {{cite news|first=Matt|last=Lauer|work=The Today Show|publisher=NBC|accessdate=November 26, 2014|date=February 10, 2005|url=http://www.today.com/id/6945190/ns/today/t/second-cosby-accuser-why-she-came-forward/#.VHX6wjHF_iU|title=Second Cosby accuser on why she came forward|archivedate=April 12, 2014|archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20140412144611/http://www.today.com/id/6945190/ns/today/t/second-cosby-accuser-why-she-came-forward/}}

*Bill Cosby has been a good friend for many years and the mere thought of these allegations is truly saddening. I would never tolerate this kind of behavior, regardless of who was involved.
**{{w|Hugh Hefner}} (''Playboy magazine'') founder  &amp;mdash; quoted in: {{cite news|accessdate=December 8, 2014|work=Variety magazine|title=Hugh Hefner Responds to Bill Cosby Allegations: ‘I Would Never Tolerate This Kind of Behavior’|date=December 7, 2014|author=Adam Stedman|url=http://variety.com/2014/biz/news/hugh-hefner-responds-to-bill-cosby-allegations-i-would-never-tolerate-this-kind-of-behavior-1201373416/}}

* I don't know what to say. What do you say? I hope it's not true. That's all you can say. I really do. I grew up on Cosby. I love Cosby, and I just hope it's not true. It's a weird year for comedy. We lost [[w:Robin Williams|Robin Williams]], we lost [[w:Joan Rivers|Joan Rivers]], and we kind of lost Cosby. ~ [[w:Chris Rock|Chris Rock]]

* I loved him as a kid. I listened to his albums when I was a kid. He's got like a musical way of, the way he tells stories and lays them out, it's just really, hits for me. His comedy was what it was still, but it's erased now. If there's any montages of American television, we're all gonna pretend he didn't do these things anymore. I don't know how to feel all of it, it's a very complicated thing.  ~ [[w:Louis C.K.|Louis C.K.]]

*But there’s something else, along with the plight of poor people, dogging Bill Cosby. His lawyers have gotten it pushed to the back burner, down to a simmer, and maybe it will amount to nothing, yet there is also the possibility that it will bubble up to destroy him.&lt;br&gt;It is still Cosby’s no against her yes, except for one difference: Thirteen women are waiting to be deposed in the suit; in a court filing, Constand’s lawyer says that all of them — with nothing to gain, with no payout waiting, with their own statutes of limitations run out — have stories about Bill Cosby as well, and some of them will claim a similar drug-and-fondling M.O.&lt;br&gt;These accusations are about as far removed from the character of Heathcliff Huxtable — that’s Bill, right? — as we could imagine.&lt;br&gt;And as Cosby's lawyers string out the suit, filing motions, keeping it in limbo, with those witnesses largely quiet and nothing substantiated, it remains — even 14 strong — nothing more than allegations, about which Bill Cosby has nothing to say.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.phillymag.com/articles/dr-huxtable-mr-hyde/|accessdate=December 1, 2014|title=Dr. Huxtable &amp; Mr. Hyde - Who is Bill Cosby? What’s happened to the man who taught us to laugh at ourselves — and what do we do with him now?|work=[[w:Philadelphia (magazine)|Philadelphia magazine]]|author=Robert Huber|date=June 9, 2006|archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20141129232929/http://www.phillymag.com/articles/dr-huxtable-mr-hyde/|archivedate=November 29, 2014}}

*The Navy is revoking Bill Cosby's title of honorary Chief Petty Officer, originally presented in 2011. The Navy is taking this action because allegations against Mr. Cosby are very serious and are in conflict with the Navy's core values of honor, courage and commitment.
**{{cite news|author={{w|Ray Mabus}} ({{w|United States Secretary of the Navy}})|title=[[s:Navy Revokes Honorary Title for Cosby|Navy Revokes Honorary Title for Cosby]]|date=December 4, 2014|work=Secretary of the Navy Public Affairs|publisher={{w|United States Navy}}}}

* I'll say this. If you give a woman, or a man, for that matter, without his or her knowledge, a drug, and then have sex with that person without consent, that's rape. And I think this country, any civilized country, should have no tolerance for rape.
** [[Barack Obama]] (2nd term as POTUS), press conference, {{#formatdate:2015-07-15}}, quoted in {{cite web|title=Obama Addresses Cosby’s Medal of Freedom, Allegations: ‘No Tolerance for Rape’|author=Josh Feldman|date=2015-07-15|work=Mediaite|url=http://www.mediaite.com/tv/obama-addresses-cosbys-medal-of-freedom-allegations-no-tolerance-for-rape/}}
** Asked whether he would revoke Cosby's {{w|Presidential Medal of Freedom}} (of which he said &quot;We don't have that mechanism.&quot;)

* We are formed by all kinds of strange or vague memories from childhood. That kind of understanding is needed to see that Cosby was involved in a symbiotic, push-pull thing with his wife, where he went out and did these awful things to assert his own independence. But for that, he required the women to be inert. He needed them to be dead!  Cosby is actually a necrophiliac--a  style that was popular in the late Victorian period in the nineteenth-century.
** [[Camille Paglia]], as quoted by David Daley [https://www.salon.com/2015/07/28/camille_paglia_how_bill_clinton_is_like_bill_cosby/ Camille Paglia: How Bill Clinton is like Bill Cosby], Salon.com, July 28, 2015

*No one was there except for the two people to know exactly what happened. All I can speak to is the man that I know and I love
**[[Keshia Knight Pulliam]] (played Rudy Huxtable) on [https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2015/08/bill-cosby-lisa-bonet-tv-daughters-huxtables 26 August 2015]

* When I was a child, I loved to eat dinner in the kitchen, sitting at the family dining table, alone, while watching monster movies, “Sanford and Son,” “Good Times,” “The Jeffersons,” and “The Cosby Show.” My mother would obsessively wash dishes, leaning into the air conditioner during humid summer days; our dog, a black and white mutt, would lie on the linoleum floor, attentively waiting to see which of us would give him a treat. It was during one of the early evenings, my homework done, before I had rushed back to playing Nintendo, that I exclaimed about the wonders of “The Cosby Show,” that the Huxtables were America’s greatest family, how everyone should have a dad like Bill Cosby. https://www.salon.com/2015/07/12/how_the_cosby_show_duped_america_the_sitcom_that_enabled_our_ugliest_reagan_era_fantasies/

* My mother, having just thrown the dog a bit of bread and pulling up the sleeve of her winter robe to keep it from catching fire on the oven, poured her tea and threw some verbal darts. “You don’t have to look at the TV to find a role model or father figure. He is here, in this house, right now.”

* I remembered that moment the other day when I saw the news that Cosby had admitted in a previously sealed deposition to drugging women in order to rape them. In all probability Cosby is a serial sex offender. Thus, the public scold of the black ghetto underclass may in fact be guilty of far worst “crimes” than wearing sagging pants or giving their children names that reflect an unfortunate deficit in social and economic capital.

* Americans on both sides of the color line are upset by Cosby’s behavior not exclusively because of the horrific nature of his crimes, but also because his failings have robbed many of them of an innocent and positive part of their youth. Being disabused of childhood nostalgia is one of the most painful parts of being (and becoming) an adult. But perhaps the focus now should be on the source of that nostalgia itself, and how the politics and values of “The Cosby Show,” which were so attractive to so many and for such a long time, are based on a distorted and inaccurate presentation of the black community, one that has enabled a pernicious type of right-wing “colorblind” racism to flourish.

* Popular culture is inherently political and ideological. While the depiction of a rich and “functioning” black family was superficially transgressive, “The Cosby Show” channeled a particular understanding of race, capitalism, “success,” and “middle class” identity that more often than not reinforced dominant American cultural norms and rules basically in line with the the Horatio Alger myth; it offered to viewers a harmless type of “diversity,” where blackness and the “Black experience” were massaged down into a throwaway mention of the March on Washington and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., or the struggle to end Apartheid, or simple guest appearances for accomplished black musicians, artists, and actors.

* As a child of the hip-hop generation, and a member of the black working class, I grew up loving “The Cosby Show.” I had my own version of the “Gordon Gartrelle” shirt, had a crush on Lisa Bonet, can recite in short order my 10 favorite “Cosby Show” moments, and reenacted with my friends the wannabe b-boy and b-girl battle from season 1 of the show. Nevertheless, I have no shame in admitting that I have much more in common with the white folks on “Roseanne” or the black family on “Roc” than I ever could with the Huxtables.

* There was nothing bigger to me than [[w:The Cosby Show|The Cosby Show]], being in front of that TV. ~ [[w:Sean Combs|Sean Combs]]

*The gravamen of plaintiff’s complaint is that while alone with defendant at defendant’s home in January 2004, defendant deceived plaintiff into ingesting a narcotic or other type of drug which caused plaintiff to become semi-conscious, and thereafter defendant sexually assaulted plaintiff.
**Judge {{w|Eduardo C. Robreno}}, (June 2, 2005) &quot;[[s:Andrea Constand v. William H. Cosby, Jr./2005 June 2 order by Court on motions by parties|2005 June 2 order by Court on motions by parties]]&quot;. ''[[s:Andrea Constand v. William H. Cosby, Jr.|Andrea Constand v. William H. Cosby, Jr.]]'' Case No. 2:05-cv-01099.  Nature of Suit 320 Assault, Libel &amp; Slander. Cause of Action: 28:1332 Diversity-Libel,Assault,Slander. Court: Pennsylvania Eastern District Court. Office: Philadelphia Office. Jury Demanded By: Defendant. {{w|United States District Court for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania}}.

*You cannot truthfully speak about Black America in the second half of the 20th century, and not talk about the influence of Bill Cosby - Roland Martin. 

*Sixteen women have publicly stated that Cosby, now 77, sexually assaulted them, with 12 saying he drugged them first and another saying he tried to drug her.&lt;br&gt;The saga of the abuse allegations is set in locales that speak to Cosby’s wealth and fame: a Hollywood-studio bungalow, a chauffeured limousine, luxury hotels, a New York City brownstone. But it also stretches into unexpected places, such as an obscure Denver talent agency that referred two of Cosby’s future accusers to the star for mentoring.&lt;br&gt;The allegations are strung together by perceptible patterns that appear and reappear with remarkable consistency: mostly young, white women without family nearby; drugs offered as palliatives; resistance and pursuit; accusers worrying that no one would believe them; lifelong trauma.&lt;br&gt;There is also a pattern of intense response by Cosby’s team of attorneys and publicists, who have used the media and the courts to attack the credibility of his accusers.&lt;br&gt;If his accusers are to be believed, the earliest allegations against Cosby remained hidden for decades, private artifacts of an era when women were less likely to publicly accuse men they knew of sexual misdeeds and society was less likely to believe them. But they have flared periodically throughout the past nine years, both because of changing attitudes and, particularly over the past month, because of social media’s ability to transform a story into a viral phenomenon almost impossible to suppress or control.&lt;br&gt;The allegations represent a stunning reshaping of Cosby's legacy. Cosby built his fame on a family-friendly comedic persona. He has lectured black youths about proper behavior. He has been honored with a Presidential Medal of Freedom and been lauded for making the largest donation ever by an African American to a historically black college, Spelman College in Atlanta.
**{{cite news|work=[[w:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]|url=http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/bill-cosbys-legacy-recast-accusers-speak-in-detail-about-sexual-assault-allegations/2014/11/22/d7074938-718e-11e4-8808-afaa1e3a33ef_story.html|title=Bill Cosby’s legacy, recast: Accusers speak in detail about sexual-assault allegations|accessdate=November 23, 2014|date=November 22, 2014|author=Manuel Roig-Franzia|author2=[[w:Scott Higham|Scott Higham]]|author3=Paul Farhi|author4=[[w:Mary Pat Flaherty|Mary Pat Flaherty]]}}

* I grew up in the Bill Cosby generation as i call it. I was born in the early 70s, watching Fat Albert and the Cosby kids, watching Picture Pages, loved [[w:The Cosby Show|The Cosby Show]] like many of us did in that early generation. Wanted to be a stand up comic, a large part because of him. And then when I found out like we all found out about all these women coming forward, over 60 women saying that he sexually assaulted and or raped them, I didn't know how to process it. ~  [[w:W. Kamau Bell|W. Kamau Bell]]

* 'When you understand the soul of black America and you understand how important iconography is and you understand how important the image of black family perfection ... is, you realize that there's no way to do something like this without it being hugely conversational, if not confrontational, and in many cases painful for people,' - Kierna Mayo. https://www.dailymail.com/news/article-3277368/Ebony-editor-defends-controversial-Cosby-cover-says-did-not-sleep-two-days-image-choice.html

*A pattern has clearly emerged among many of the women—totaling 18 so far—who’ve come forward sharing stories alleging inappropriate sexual behavior on Cosby’s part: companionship, abuse of trust, and a drugged beverage leading to an unwanted sexual violation.&lt;br&gt;To recap: 12 of the women who’ve come forward with allegations against Cosby claim they were drugged prior to their assault, 12 of them were white females, and most were allegedly promised some form of mentorship or professional help. Many of the women also claimed they were in emotionally vulnerable states when Cosby allegedly set his sights on them.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/11/24/bill-cosby-s-long-list-of-accusers-so-far-17-alleged-sexual-assault-victims-between-1965-2004.html|work=[[w:The Daily Beast|The Daily Beast]]|date=November 24, 2014|accessdate=November 25, 2014|author=Marlow Stern|title=Bill Cosby’s Long List of Accusers (So Far): 18 Alleged Sexual Assault Victims Between 1965-2004|archivedate=November 25, 2014|archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20141125020349/http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/11/24/bill-cosby-s-long-list-of-accusers-so-far-17-alleged-sexual-assault-victims-between-1965-2004.html}}
*You see without the pudding, I’m just another unemployed sexual predator.
** Bill Cosby expy (Jess Harnell), [[Drawn Together]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
{{wikisource|Author:Bill Cosby}}
{{wikinews|Category:Bill Cosby}}
*[http://www.billcosby.com/ Official Bill Cosby Site]
*[http://www.louisepalanker.com/interviews/bill-cosby-interview.html Interview with Cosby from 1990] (24&amp;nbsp;minutes)
*[http://www.pbs.org/kcet/tavissmiley/archive/200405/20040526_transcript.html Interview after the &quot;Pound Cake speech&quot;]
*[http://www.carseywerner.net/ybyl_eng.htm ''You Bet Your Life'' home page]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Cosby, Bill}}
[[Category:Stand-up comedians from the United States]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Civil rights activists]]
[[Category:Political activists]]
[[Category:Activists from the United States]]
[[Category:1937 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Actors from Philadelphia]]
[[Category:Television producers]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:African Americans]]
[[Category:Blind people]]
[[Category:People charged with crimes]]
[[Category:Prisoners]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]

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    <title>Cow and Chicken</title>
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'''''[[w:Cow and Chicken|Cow and Chicken]]''''' is an American [[w:cartoon series|animated]] [[w:television comedy|comedy]] television series created by [[w:David Feiss|David Feiss]] for [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] and the third of the network's [[w:Cartoon Cartoons|Cartoon Cartoons]]. It follows the [[w:surreal humor|surreal]] adventures of two [[w:funny animal|funny animal]] siblings, Cow and Chicken. They are often antagonized by Red Guy, a [[w:Devil|devil]] who poses as various aliases to scam them.

==Theme song==
:'''Chicken''': Mama had a chicken!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cow''': Mama had a cow!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cow &amp; Chicken''': ''[in unison]'' Dad was proud, he didn't care how!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Theme song plays'''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cow''': Cow!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Theme song plays more'''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chicken''': Chicken!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Theme song plays more'''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cow &amp; Chicken''': Cow and Chicken!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Theme song plays more'''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red Guy starts laughing and flashes his butt a little'''

==Season 1==
===&quot;Field Trip to Folsom Prison Blues / Girls' Bathroom&quot;===
:'''Cow''': [''gasps''] Chicken, that is a good way to lose a beak!
:'''Chicken''': Ah, shut up, Cow! Mind your own beeswax! [''gets hit with sign''] What?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chicken''': [''pretending to be an inmate and slyly pantsing the warden''] Jailbreak!

:'''Guard''': ''[panicking]'' Sound the alarm! ''[The guard falls down and the inmates laugh at him. He is then insulted and grabs Chicken pretending to be Red.] Lockdown!''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chicken''': Eat this, you filthy screw.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Inmate''': Way to go, Red.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chicken''': [To Red Guy as the Warden] I gotta be home by 8:00 or I'm in big trouble! Anyhow, Mom is making pork butts and taters. She only makes it on Tuesdays; it's my favorite!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dad''': Chicken, the warden of Folsom Prison just called.
:'''Chicken''': I know what he said; I did time at the big house 'cause I pantsed the guard!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': [''as the Warden''] LADIES!!! ...and gentlemen. A terrible injustice has been done here. Red doesn't belong here - he's innocent! He wants to go home with Mom and Dad, AND EAT PORK BUTTS AND TATERS! Now, let's all join hands AND SAY WE'RE SORRY!!!
:'''Inmates''': Sorry Red!
:'''Red Guy''': Now, someone has to pay for Red's injustice... TEN YEARS IN SOLITARY CONFINEMENT FOR EVERYBODY!!! Without a toilet... [''He pulls a rope, opening the floor of the yard and dropping Chicken and the inmates down a pit'']

===&quot;Supermodel Cow / Part Time Job&quot;===
:'''Cow''': That's it! I'll get a part-time job at the milk farm. I'll make money to buy Crabs the Warthog!
:'''Chicken''': You think they want your milk? It says the finest cows on Earth, not Mars!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Chunks''': WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, MAN?! CAN'T YOU READ?! &quot;NO CHICKEN MILK!!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chicken Chorus''': Itttttt's... easy-pickin', finger-lickin', chicken on a stick!
:'''Red Guy''': With the Rear Admiral, you rarely get sick! Oh-ho!
:'''Chicken Chorus''': Nobody flips a boid...
:'''Red Guy''': Like Rear Admiral Floyd!
:'''Chicken Chorus''': It's finger-lickin'!
:'''Chicken Chorus''': Nobody flips a boid...
:'''Red Guy''': Like Rear Admiral Floyd!!!
:'''Chicken Chorus''': CHICKEN!!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chicken''': Hey, Mr. Hiney! When do I get paid for this gig?
:'''Red Guy''': [''as Rear Admiral Floyd''] Oh, you won't need any money where you're going, little fella...
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Alive! / Who Is Supercow?&quot;===

:'''Mom''': Where would we be without you, Boneless Chicken?
:'''Boneless Chicken''': Where? Well, you'd be up a creek without a paddle or burning your bridges before they're hatched. Who can say, really?
[Mom, Dad, and Chicken laugh at Boneless' joke.]
:'''Dad''': Oh, Boneless, you always kill us!
:'''Boneless Chicken''': Ah, go on.
:'''Dad''': Will you be needing anything while we're away?
:'''Boneless Chicken''': Sure, how 'bout a spine for my limp and lifeless body? [Mom, Dad, and Chicken laugh once more as they soon head for Chicken's parent-teacher conference.]
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cow''': Oh, Mom and Dad! I missed you both so much these long months of being marooned.
:'''Dad''': Sweetheart, we've only been gone half an hour for Chicken's parent-teacher conference.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': What else do I know about Supercow? WHAT ELSE?! Okay, THINK!!! [''smacks his head against the wall''] A: She speaks Spanish... TWO! She's a superhero... 
:'''Cow''': [''In Red guy's thoughts''] I'm just a widdle cow...
:'''Red Guy''': Oh! THAT'S IT!!! She's a cow!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': Superheroes, are your leotards starting to stink? Is your booties getting brittle? IS YOUR CAPE KIND OF CRUDDY?! Well, come on over to Hiney Beau Dry Cleaners, where if you're a superhero, your CLEANING is free!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': [''holds up a sweetcorn-based superhero costume in disdain''] &quot;Corn-Cobb Man&quot;?! There's a lotta sick people in this town.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Confused / The Molting Fairy&quot;===
:'''Cow''': Mom always says not to go to the carnival naked.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': Got any scabs?! They could be worth gold.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;The Ugliest Weenie&quot;===
:'''Red Guy''': Oh, we're flat out of time! Stay tuned after the commercial break! And maybe we'll show you the rest of the play! Or maybe we'll fill the time up with EVEN MORE COMMERCIALS!!! [''laughs maniacally'']
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cow''': Didn't you remember Mom always says we should never run into a burning school auditorium?
:'''Chicken''': It must've slipped my mind!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Orthodontic Police / Cow with Four Eyes&quot;===
:'''Red Guy''': [''as the Orthodontic Policeman''] What are you people, a bunch of communists?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Teacher''': Nothing is more important than straight teeth. Well, at least that's what the pantsless policeman said.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': ''[After getting his butt kicked by Supercow, he removes the last of the braces off the police officer]'' There, that's the last one.
:''[The policeman happily eats his doughnut and runs laughing.]''
:'''Red Guy''': ''[Is revealed to wear the permanent braces with a satellite attached to them]'' Okay, I did what you said, I removed the braces off everybody. Now can you take off mine?! That was the deal.
:'''Chicken''': Oh, I wish we could, but we have already rented you out as a Satellite Tracking Dish.
:''[Cow and Chicken laugh as Red Guy drives away after satellites drop from the sky]''
:'''Red Guy''': Is there a real orthodontist in the house?

===&quot;Cow Instincts, Don't It? / Ballerina Cow&quot;===

:'''Cow''': I'm a big fat loser!
:'''Chicken''': I could have told you the big and fat part.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Chicken's First Kiss / Squirt the Daisies&quot;=== 
:'''Winney''': Hi Chicken! I like your wattle! Do you clean it with special soap to make it so shiny?!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mom''': Oh Chicken! You don't get cooties from being kissed; listen to Father!
:'''Chicken''': You don't?
:'''Dad''': No son. you get them from... toilet seats.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Space Cow / The Legend of Sailcat&quot;===
:'''Chicken''': [''to Cow''] They'd never let you go in outer space. There's no room!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Headhunting in Oregon / The King and Queen of Cheese&quot;=== 
:'''Dad''': We're going to Oregon to find some head hunters.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': Walter Jeans-Begone, headhunter guide, at your service!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': Hello! It's me, Larry Lackapants, Arkansas Cheese master, soon to be the King &amp; Queen of Cheese!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

==Season 2==
===&quot;Fluffy the Anaconda / The Laughing Puddle&quot;===
:'''Chicken''':CURSE YOU, LAUGHING PUDDLE! WHAT ''EVIL'' WELL DO! YOU! SPRING FROOOOOM!?!?!? Is anything in this cartoon ever going to make sense?!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': The cartoon you just saw is true. The water in the Laughing Puddle is what scientists call THICK WATER!!! Meaning that it has molecules the size of WATERMELONS!!! TOO THICK TO RUN DOWN THE HOLE, but thin enough for our characters to pass through! If you ever get a chance to jump into Thick Water, DO IT!!! It feels really gooey! [''laughs softly''] The night club Boneless Chicken was performing at was shut down shortly after the making of this cartoon due to health code violations, ANY QUESTIONS!? Ladies? [''puts hands to ears and makes a screeching noise''] No, I didn't think so. That's the ''real'' end. [''laughs'']
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Tongue Sandwich / Dream Date Chicken&quot;===
:'''Cow''': Uh, I believe...
:'''Tongue:''' He went that way.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cow''': [Humming as she runs the vacuum]
:'''Mom''': Chicken, why don't you take a hint from your sister and take out the garbage?
:'''Chicken''': [Begins raging] Stop rattin' on me! Why do I always have to do everything around here?! [''Breaks the T.V.''] GET OFF MY CASE! [''Banging his fists the walls in tune with his line'']
:'''Mom''': Honey, talk to your son; I had just about all I can take. [''Runs away, crying'']
:'''Dad''': Listen here, Chief: when you're all grown up and living like some hopped up and crazy bachelor, you can sleep on a pile of garbage for all I care! But as long as you're living under my roof, you've got to live by my rules!
:'''Chicken''': But-
:'''Dad''': That's it! I'll have no back-talk, Mister! You're grounded! [''Chicken goes into his room and slams the door''] [''Cow opens the door and gasps'']
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cow''': Where are you going?
:'''Chicken''': I am runnin' away to be a bachelor with cousin Boneless Chicken. No one tells him what to do; he just lays around his cool bachelor pad and does whatever he wants. Hasta la adiós, Cow. [''Chicken hops out of the window'']
:'''Cow''': Adiós, big brother. [She moos and then tears up, turning to her own bedroom] Oh, Chicken's a grown-up bachelor, and... I'm all alone! [Sits on the floor and cries] Ooh, I want to play grown-up bachelor, too! [Continues crying]
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': YOU'RE UNDER ARREST! For being a run away chicken. YOU TOO! Linda. FOR CONTRIBUTION TO THE DELQUINCY OF A CHICKEN! [laughing] OKAY, MEN! Get ready for your PUNISHMENT!

===&quot;Dirty Laundry / Grizzly Beaver Safari&quot;===
:'''Red Guy''': Geraldo Rearviewa, Super Cow critic.

===&quot;The Bad News Plastic Surgeons / The Exchange Stüdent&quot;===
:'''Teacher''': Everybody just shut your porktraps for a minute!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': Plastic surgery isn't just a sport, it's l a way of life.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': Oh, I like your spirit. You're hired. Oh, by the way, who did your wattle?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': Which one of you weenies is our victim-slash-volunteer?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cow''': Nip and tuck, short and curl, my brother Chicken is not a girl!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chicken''': Couldn't have done this without you, Dr. Hiney.
:'''Red Guy''': Oh, please call me Dr. Hiney.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Policeman''': Hey, it says here you're a plastic pipe salesman from bend Oregon!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chicken''': He wasn't even a New Mexican...
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cow''': Mom! Dad! Photo-realistic beaver is teasing me again!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

==Season 3==
===&quot;Can Cow Come Out and Play?&quot;===
:'''Red Guy''': ''[riding his bike]'' Oh, nobody wants to play with me. I don't understand why!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': Be free, world! Yonder forth! And populate! ''[sighs]'' 
:''[As they run out of a trailer, numerous people trample Red under their feet]''
:'''Red Guy''': Ouch, oh, oh, ow, oh, oh, oh! Oh. Ow! Oh, have a nice day! This is the happiest day of my life.
:''[Mom, Dad and Chicken standing on Red, Cow catches up to them]''
:'''Cow''': Oh, Mom, Dad, Big Brother! You're okay! Oh, I was so worried about you! Oh, you are a very bad ma... lady... whatever you are... for locking up everyone in the world in a trailer.
:'''Red Guy''': Sorry.
:'''Dad''': You know, kids? Being locked up in a trailer with the whole world has taught us a valuable lesson.
:'''Chicken''': Yeah? What is it?
:'''Dad''': Beats me!
:'''Mom''': But I'm sure it's valuable!
:''[Mom, Dad and Cow are laughing except Chicken]''
:'''Chicken''': I think I liked it better in the trailer.

===&quot;Chicken in the Bathroom&quot;===
:''[Mom has ordered Chicken to stay in the tub until he takes a bath, and Mom, Dad, and Cow need to use the toilet]''
:'''Dad''': Chicken? Hurry up and take that bath, I gotta get in there!
:'''Chicken''': No dice.
:'''Cow''': Chicken? Are you done yet? I need to visit the reading room... to read?
:'''Mom''': Me too, Chicken, can I, um, use the bathroom too?
:'''Dad''': Come on son, I gotta core the apple!
:'''Mom''': I have to launch the raft!
:'''Dad''': Come on Chicken, I have to brick up the chimney!
:'''Cow''': I need to stir the bean, big brother! Will you be much longer?
:'''Chicken''': I ain't takin' no bath!
:'''Dad''': Come on! I gotta, uh, uh, feed the ducks.
:'''Cow''': Why don't you just get it over with, Chicken? I need to wax the board!
:'''Chicken''': The bathroom is closed for the duration.
:'''Dad''': Chicken! For crying out loud, I gotta jump the gun!
:'''Mom''': ''I can't hold it any longer!'' ...Could you please hurry honey?
:'''Cow''': ''I gotta peel the onions!''
:'''Chicken''': How rude! Not while I am in the tub, bub!
:'''Mom''': Hurry up! Chicken! I gotta wash the window!
:'''Dad''': I gotta make peace with the Germans!
:'''Mom''': Gotta run for Congress here!
:'''All three''': Come on Chicken, take a bath already!
:'''Cow''': Chicken! It's time to flip the pickles!
:'''Dad''': Come on, Chicken!
:'''Mom''': I gotta resole the family christen!
:'''Cow''': I simply must pull the rip cord!
:'''Dad''': I must wash the windows!
:'''Mom''': I, I, I gotta spoon the balls!
:'''Cow''': Let the little puppies run! Please?
:'''Dad''': Gotta shake hands with the President!
:'''Mom''': Gotta press the issue!
:'''Cow''': Chicken, I need to let the cat out!
:'''Dad''': It's time to drive the governor home...
:'''Mom''': I... need... to... stuff... the... olives!
:'''Cow''': Have to shuck the corn!
:'''Mom''': Oooh! It is time to ''burp the baby''!
:'''Cow''': May I please stabber out the facts?
:'''Mom''': I... I... got... to... strike... my... pansy!
:'''Cow''': Lay some carpet, por favor!
:'''Dad''': Gotta talk to the boss! THAT IS IT, CHICKEN!!! 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dad''': Okay, men. I've got a plan.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dad''' Ready or not, Chicken! (He, Mom, and Cow let out a battle cry and surround Chicken.) Son, if you don’t take a bath, then we'll give you one!
:'''Chicken''': (gasps)
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

===Chickens Don't Fly===
:''[Cow and Chicken approach the airplane, where they are greeted by Red Guy.]''
:'''Red Guy''': Hello! I'm Bunny, your Flight Attendant! Oh, isn't it a great day to be HURLED THROUGH THE AIR, twenty-three billion feet above the Earth, with only a vewy, vewy thin sheet of aluminium between you and A TEN MINUTE SCREAMING DROP to an abrupt stop?

===Chicken Lips===
:'''Chicken''': Not only am I not a boy, I'm not even a chicken! ''[breaks into tears]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cow''': Ooh, I hope my big bwudder is gonna be okay, oh, if only I hadn't been whistwing in fwont of him, he wouwdn't have faced in dis wife, oh... I wish I nevew whistwed again in my wife!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cow''': Evewyone can whistwe, Chicken, it is one of wife's speciaw out gifts.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

===101 Uses For Cow and Chicken===
:'''Cow''': ''[with a price tag on her labelled 19 cent]'' My buns are only 19 cents? ''[tearfully]'' '''I AM SO''' '''''CHEAP!!!''''' ''[sobbing and mooing]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': GOOD MORNING! Coffee, grandma? I think you'd make a ''great'' coffee cup. ''[opens up Chicken's beak, pours coffee in him, and starts spilling the coffee on himself]'' It leaks.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': ''[uses Chicken as a face towel]'' Hey, you're not ''bad'' as a towel! ''[looks at himself in the mirror; gasps]'' Oh! I didn't brush my teeth this year! Guess what ''you'' get to be! [squirts toothpaste on Chicken and starts brushing his teeth with him; spits in the sink] Ooh. I NEED A NICE CLOSE SHAVE! [sharpens Chicken's beak on a belt; starts shaving his chin and his tongue with Chicken] [shaves his armpit] AHH! CAN'T YOU AT LEAST HUM A LITTLE?! WORK WITH ME HERE!
:'''Chicken''': ''[blows raspberry at him]''
:'''Red Guy''':  THAT'S '''''IT!''''' NOW MY SHAVER'S SPITTING AT ME! I've been ripped off! YOU GUYS ARE USELESS! I'm taking you back to the store.

==Season 4==
===I Scream Man===
:'''Chicken''': My waddle is getting all wrinkly. I sure could use somethin' to wet my whistle. ''[Cow squirts milk at him]''  Somethin' besides ''that''.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Cow and Chicken get caught by Dad while trying to catch the Arbor Day Pig.]''
:'''Cow''': We're busted.
:'''Dad''': Oh, you kids know that you can't open this piggie until Arbor Day. ''[Arbor Day Pig has sticker labelled &quot;Do Not Open 'Til Arbor Day&quot; on his butt]''
:'''Arbor Day Pig''': Ha!
:'''Dad''': And that's three days away. ''[Pig blows raspberry, but then gasps]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': DING DING '''''DING''''' DING DING DING DING! STUPID SONG IS DRIVING ME... nuts!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': ''[with Cow and Chicken chasing him]'' THIS IS MADNESS!!! ''[screams]'' LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': Oh ''crud''! I must've thrown out all my ice cream at those funny-looking kids. ''[gives Chicken ice cubes in an ice cream cone]'' Here you go, duck.
:'''Chicken''': Hey! This is just a ''cone'' with ice cubes in it!
:'''Red Guy''': And your point is? '''''NEXT!''''' 
:'''Cow''': Do you have any gravy freezies?
:'''Red Guy''': NO!
:'''Cow''': Frozen pork buttocks?
:'''Red Guy''': NO!
:'''Cow''': A beaver-tail cone surprise?
:'''Red Guy''': How about a beaver ''in'' a cone? ''[pulls out a beaver in a cone]'' SURPRISE! ''[leaps out of his ice cream truck]'' AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I DON'T ''HAVE'' ANY ICE CREAM, NONE WHATSO'''''EVER!''''' I don't even like ice cream. OR ''KIDS''! It says &quot;I Scream&quot; on my truck, not ice cream! Get it? Cause... I '''''SCREAM!''''' Look at me. ''[spins in circles]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!''''' Ooh. ''[chuckles]'' Screaming is my hobby!
:'''Police Officer''': ''[hits Red Guy with sausage]'' It's the padded cell for you, scream man!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mom''': How about some frozen Arbor Day piggie pops?
:'''Arbor Day Pig''': PIGGIE POPS?! OKAY! THAT IS ''IT''! TIME OUT! I've put enough with psychological torture for one pig! YOU GUYS ARE '''''CANNIBALS!''''' DO YOU '''''HEAR''''' ME?! YOU'RE ALL OFF YOUR ''NUT!'' ''[runs away screaming]''
:'''Mom''': What is up with ''that''?
:'''Dad''': You know, Mama, we lose more Arbor Day piggies that way.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': No actual Arbor Day piggies were hurt during the making of this film. But ''I'' was. My feelings were hurt! More than once! There was the first time in scene 40 and that once in scene 57 and... did you know that I do my own STUNTS? No stunt double for the Red Guy, oh no, no, no, no. ''[looks around]'' Feiss will not spring for that, no! I'm not good enough for a STUNT DOUBLE! ''[starts sobbing]'' OH, LIFE'S NOT FAIR! All right, you can end now. ''[laughs]'' END!

===Duck, Duck Chicken!/The Great Pantzini===
:'''Slappy the Pig''': See, kids? It's like I told you. You can surgically alter a chicken into a duck, but he's still the duck. All right, kids, forget what I said at the beginning of the show. Sometimes a sack of manure can be a duck. Oh, that's not right?! I don't know! I am not a scientist! I am a pig! WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?! I AM BACON, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
:'''Red Guy''': The producers wish to apologise for the previous Slappy the Pig insert, it was a PATHETIC AND DESPERATE ATTEMPT ON THE PART OF SLAPPY TO PROLONG HIS LIFE!
:'''Narrator''': The producers wish to apologise for the previous outburst by the pantless actor who no longer works for the show. We are sorry... END!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': Would you like to have your laughter back, too? ''[Laughs proudly crazy]'' END!!!

===The Cow and Chicken Blues/The Ballad of Cow and Chicken===
:''[last lines of the series]''
:'''Red Guy''': Yeah! hold it, It was brilliant! Bravo! Get up, my little crab friends. Ow! Oh, oh. Ow! Oh, oh. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Easy with the pinchers. Ow! Ow! Oh. I did not have to bring you guys tonight! Looks like Red Guy always gets in the END! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Charlie Adler|Charlie Adler]] as C. the Cow; C. the Chicken; R.G.-I.B. Lucifer the Red Guy.
* [[w:Brendan Fraser|Brendan Fraser]] as Boneless the Chicken.
* [[Dee Bradley Baker]] as Dad.
* [[w:Candi Milo|Candi Milo]] as Mom and Teacher.
* [[w:Howard Morris|Howard Morris]] as Flem.
* [[w:Dan Castellaneta|Dan Castellaneta]] as Earl.
* [[w:Jess Harnell|Jess Harnell]] as Cerberus.

==See also==
[[I Am Weasel]]

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0118289|title=Cow and Chicken}}

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Teletoon Retro shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]]
[[Category:TV shows about cows]]
[[Category:TV shows about chickens]]
[[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]]
[[Category:Television series by Hanna-Barbera]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network shows]]
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  <page>
    <title>The Return of Jafar</title>
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      <text bytes="13694" sha1="pmbbcsbilgclu6dges7s8qu5pe2vc56" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Return of Jafar|The Return of Jafar]]''''' is an American-Arabic direct-to-video sequel to the Disney hit ''[[w:Aladdin (film)|Aladdin]]''. It was released in [[w:1994 in film|1994]].

== Iago ==
* Hey, Jafar! '''''SHUT UP!!!!'''''
* ''[from DVD menu, after pressing &quot;Scene Selection&quot;]'' Sounds like fun to me!
* ''[from DVD menu, after pressing &quot;Scene Selection&quot;]'' You're the boss! Here we go!
* ''[from DVD menu, after pressing &quot;Set Up&quot;]'' Good choice! Here we go!
* ''[from DVD menu, after pressing &quot;Set Up&quot;]'' Decisive! I like that!

== Jafar ==
* ''[from DVD menu, after pressing &quot;Play Movie&quot;]'' If that's what you want then by all means, let's get to it.
* ''[from DVD menu, after pressing &quot;Play Movie&quot;]'' It's about time. I thought you are never going to make a decision.
* ''[from DVD menu, after pressing &quot;Bonus Features&quot;]'' There's no turning back now, my friend.
* ''[from DVD menu, after pressing &quot;Bonus Features&quot;]'' All right, if you insist.

== Dialogue ==
:''[First lines; Brian Hannan music playing a song Arabian Nights]''
:'''Brian Hannan''': Follow me to a place where incredible feats&lt;br&gt;Are routine every hour or so&lt;br&gt;Where enchantment runs rampant&lt;br&gt;Yes, wild in the streets&lt;br&gt;Open sesame... here we go!&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;br&gt;Arabian nights&lt;br&gt;Like Arabian days&lt;br&gt;They tease and excite&lt;br&gt;Take off and take flight&lt;br&gt;They shock and amaze&lt;br&gt;Arabian nights&lt;br&gt;Like Arabian days&lt;br&gt;More often than not are hotter than hot&lt;br&gt;In a lot of good ways&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;br&gt;Pack your shield, pack your sword&lt;br&gt;You won't ever get bored&lt;br&gt;Though get beaten or gored you might&lt;br&gt;Come on down, stop on by&lt;br&gt;Hop a carpet and fly&lt;br&gt;To another Arabian night&lt;br&gt;Arabian night! ''[song fades]''
:''[In the Thieves' lair, the thieves see Abis Mal's lair, into a masked men in the lair before his treasure chest]''
:'''Thief #1''': This night has been quite rewarding.
:'''Thief #2''': ''[laughing]'' We have never stolen so much. We have gathered much loot tonight. No thanks to our leader.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Iago''': ''[smears dirt all over himself]'' I'll just get Aladdin on my side with a little sympathy act. And I'll be back in the palace quicker than you can say &quot;Easy Street.&quot; ''[Aladdin turns corner to find him pretending to pant for breath]'' Aladdin! I've finally got free...of Jafar.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[shocked]'' Iago! What are you doing here?
:'''Iago''': Where are you? Getting dark. Hold me... ''[Aladdin tries to grab him]'' Hey, I meant gentle-like!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Genie''': ''[returns to Agrabah]'' He's big! He's blue! And he's BACK!
:''[Aladdin and Jasmine embrace him]''
:'''Aladdin''': Genie!
:'''Jasmine''': You came back!
:'''Genie''': ''[turns red; winces]'' WATCH THE SUNBURN! ''[turns blue again]'' A-ha! Kidding! Did you miss me? Be honest.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abis Mal''': ''[to himself after Aladdin robbed him]'' That stinkin' Aladdin. First chance I get, I'll slice him in half.
:'''Thief''': ''[to other thieves]'' That stinking Abis Mal. First chance we get, let's slice him in half.
:'''Abis Mal''': ''[to the thieves]'' Hey, get over here and wash up! It's bad enough having to look at you without having to smell you.
:'''Thief''': ''[to the other thieves]'' Come. We do it now. No witnesses. ''[draws his sword]''
:'''Abis Mal''': ''[takes a pail out of the well and dumps some water on top of himself, and Jafar's lamp falls out of the pail and hits him on the head]'' Ow! What is this? So help me, I'll sue whoever runs this well! A lamp? ''[picks it up]'' Well... ''[laughs]'' It might be worth a few shekels once it's cleaned up. ''[rubs it]''
:'''Thief''': It will be of little use to you, Abis Mal, except to light your way in the valley of the dead. ''[the thieves pull out their swords ready strike Abis Mal; red smoke suddenly erupts from the lamp]'' It is bewitched!
:''[All the thieves except Abis Mal get on their horses and ride away in panic. Jafar's evil laugh is heard as he comes out]''
:'''Jafar''': I am free! Free to exact vengeance upon he who has imprisoned me! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Genie''': Uh, that couldn't gone worse. 
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine I thought I was sunk.  
:'''Iago''': Oh, not good.  
:'''Jasmine''': You were hiding Iago all along, weren’t you?!  
:'''Genie''': I think it just got worse.  
:'''Aladdin''': Well, yes but...
:'''Jasmine''': How could you? More secret, more lies? Aladdin, I thought you had change.  
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine, wait! Back to the marketplace! Iago, he... he saved my life. Some grand vizier I'm gonna make. Everybody's mad at me.  

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Genie''': ''[catches Aladdin and Jasmine on tape]'' Rolling! Today's special moments are tomorrow's memories. ''[to Jasmine]'' Looking great, Jazz. ''[to Aladdin]'' More emotion, Al! Tilt your chin a bit.
:'''Iago''': ''[furiously flies up to the camera]'' What does he hafta do to make it clear to you lunkheads?! ''[pushes Genie out of the way]'' The show's OVER! They wanna be alone! BREAK IT UP!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jafar''': ''[to Abis Mal]'' That was two wishes. Take your time with the third, or you will wish you had never been born!
:''[Abis Mal gulps]''
:'''Jafar''': On the other hand, if you cooperate with me, I will see that you are amply rewarded.
:'''Abis Mal''': Rewarded?
:'''Jafar''': First, you will help me get revenge on a certain street rat by the name of... Aladdin.
:'''Abis Mal''': ''[gasps]'' Aladdin?! I want revenge on him, too! He robbed me, turned my men against me, and he fought dirty! My brilliant swordsmanship availed me naught! ''[cuts his pants down with his circle underwear]'' Ohh... ''[pulls them back up]'' I-I hate when I do that.
:'''Jafar''': ''[grabbing Abis Mal's shirt]'' Let's not be too hasty, my simple-minded friend. It's not enough that we simply DESTROY Aladdin. ''[dropping him to the ground]'' After all... there are things so much worse than DEATH! ''[laughs evilly while Abis Mal grins menacingly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Genie''': ''[runs up to Jasmine with Abu to catch up to Aladdin and the Sultan]'' Make room for the picnic boys!
:'''Jasmine''': They already left, Genie.
:'''Genie''': ''[gasps]'' Without us?!
:'''Abu''': Without us?
:'''Genie''': No problem. I'll catch up in a flash!
:'''Jasmine''': Wait! Without me, too. Aladdin needs some time alone with Father to patch things up.
:'''Genie''': ''[to Abu]'' You know what this means, monkey boy? ''[Abu nods]'' MORE FOOD FOR US!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Inside Jafar's lab]''
:'''Sultan''': Jafar, you fiend! ''[chained into the wall]'' I should have known that this was your treachery!
:'''Jafar''': But I couldn't have done it without Iago.
:'''Iago''': Eh... I-I played a minor role, really.
:'''Abis Mal''': Jafar! This... rug won't cooperate!
:''[He grabs Carpet when he trips him and Carpet tries to fly free, but Jafar used his power to lock Carpet in chains put a lock along with Genie in a ball and Abu chained into the wall]''
:'''Sultan''': ''[grunting angrily]'' Ooh, when Aladdin returns...
:'''Jafar''': I think we have ample time to prepare for his arrival. ''[giving the Sultan's hat and his dagger (with his power) to slash the hat in half]''
:'''Abis Mal''': Hey! That was a nice hat. I could've worn that hat!
:'''Jafar''': We need this for our plan.
:'''Abis Mal''': Couldn't we use another hat for the plan?
:'''Jafar''': Oh, no. The sultan's turban and this dagger are exactly what we need... ''[putting the dagger on Abis Mal's head closer]'' ...to seal Aladdin's doom. ''[Repeated scene again with Aladdin walking barefoot and the screen distorts]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Outside the Sultan's Palace of Agrabah at night with Aladdin walking and panting to the stairs]''
:'''Aladdin''': Razoul! The Sultan's been...
:'''Razoul''': SEIZE HIM! You are under arrest, for the murder of the Sultan!
:'''Aladdin''': What?! No!
:''[Inside the palace dungeon at night]''
:'''Razoul''': And then you went over the waterfall, eh? Ha! How did you survive?
:'''Aladdin''': I... I don't know.
:'''Razoul''': How ''very'' convenient.
:'''Aladdin''': It's the truth! Why won't you believe me?
:'''Jafar (Jasmine)''': ''[off-screen]'' Because we know you're lying!
:'''Aladdin''': Huh?
:'''Jafar (Jasmine)''': I found this in your room. My father's turban... slashed!
:'''Aladdin''': You can't think...
:'''Jafar (Jasmine)''': I thought you loved me! But now I see that all you wanted to do was rule Agrabah!
:'''Aladdin''': I never wanted...
:'''Jafar (Jasmine)''': He shall die at dawn, for the murder of my father.
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine, please!
:'''Razoul''': You're in ''my'' hands now, STREET RAT!
:''[At Jafar's Lab. The sound of a lock is heard. Along with Genie in a glass ball with a spider design, Carpet, Abu and the Sultan in chains, Abis Mal chains and locks the real Jasmine into the wall. Jafar, disguised as Jasmine, looks at the real Jasmine]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[laughing evilly]'' Oh, you should have seen the look on Aladdin's face when Princess Jasmine sentenced him to death.
:'''Jasmine''': ''[gasps]'' No!
:'''Abis Mal''': Oh, yes! And then I get my wish.
:'''Jafar''': Yes, and then you get your wish.
:'''Jasmine''': ''[in anger]'' Iago! I swear one day you will pay for this!
:'''Iago''': Heh, I really think you're makin' too big a deal out of this.
:'''Jafar''': Such spirit! ''[Jasmine ties to bite Jafar's hand]'' Perhaps after a few days in chains you'll be more kindly disposed toward me. ''[putting his snake staff closely to her]'' Especially, if you want your father to remain healthy! Ah, Iago... you betrayed me and allied yourself with my enemies. Then you turned on them as soon as it was in your best interests! That's what I love about you. You're so perfectly... predictable. A villain through and through.
:'''Iago''': Thank you. Thank you. Whew.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the dungeon along with Aladdin locked up in chains]''
:'''Razoul''': ''[last words; with his executioner's mask smells and sighs]'' Dawn!
:'''Jafar (Jasmine)''': I'll tell your boyfriend good-bye for you, Princess.
:'''Sultan''': When I get hold of you, Jafar...
:'''Jafar (Jasmine)''': I'm SO worried.
:'''Iago''': ''[squawks]'' Whew!
:'''Jasmine''': ''[in anger]'' How could you double-cross Aladdin after all he's done for you?!
:''[Abu chatters angrily at him]''
:'''Iago''': Hey! Do I insult your mother?
:'''Jasmine''': ''[sighs]'' What are you doing now?
:'''Iago''': Oh, what does it look like I'm doin'? I'm tryin' to free... the chump genie, so he can... save your chump boyfriend! Squawk! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Abis Mal''': But you said Genie's can't killed you said that.
:'''Jafar''': You be surprised what you can lived through... What?!
:'''Abis Mal''': Huh? Hey!
:'''Aladdin''': I'll take that!
:'''Abis Mal''': My lamp! Gimme!
:'''Jafar''': The street rat? Still alive?! NO!!!!!!!!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Aladdin hangs onto the rock spire for dear life as it begins to sink into the magma. He tries to reach for Jafar's lamp twice, but misses both times. Jafar laughs diabolically at his misery]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[laughing]'' Give it up, BOY! You shall NEVER have my lamp... and there is no one to save you this time!
:'''Iago''': Hey, Jafar! '''''SHUT UUUUUUUUUUP!''''' ''[flying to get his lamp from the rock standing]''
:'''Aladdin''': Iago?
:'''Jafar''': TRAITOR! ''[uses his energizing power with his eyes like lightning bolts, injuring Iago in his left wing]''
:'''Jasmine''': No!
:'''Jafar''': ''[laughs evilly]'' Good help is SO hard to find these days, isn't it, Aladdin?
:''[Jafar resumes his evil laughter, but gasps when he sees Iago using the last of his strength to kick his lamp down to the pit of lava]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[last words]'' My lamp! '''NOOOOOO!!!!''' 
:'''Aladdin''': Iago! 
:''[Jafar screams in rage and agony, before finally exploding, everyone gathers around Iago, who appears as though injured and unconscious]'' 
:'''Aladdin''': Iago. 
:'''Jasmine''': No. 
:'''Aladdin''': But...I thought a Genie can't kill anybody.
:'''Iago''': ''[coughs, as he awakens]'' You'd be surprised what you can live through. ''[coughs again]''
:'''Aladdin''': Alright!
:'''Jasmine''': Oh, Iago!
:'''Genie''': ''[laughs]'' HE'S ALIVE!!!!! ''[turns into a rocket and explodes]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abis Mal''': ''[last lines after the credits]'' Does this mean I don't get my third wish?

==Cast==
* [[w:Jonathan Freeman (actor)|Jonathan Freeman]] — [[w:Jafar (Aladdin)|Jafar]]
* [[w:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]] — [[w:Iago (Aladdin)|Iago]]
* [[w:Jason Alexander|Jason Alexander]] — Abis Mal
* [[w:Scott Weinger|Scott Weinger]] — [[w:Aladdin (Disney character)|Aladdin]]
* [[w:Linda Larkin|Linda Larkin]] — [[w:Jasmine (Aladdin)|Jasmine]]
* [[w:Dan Castelleneta|Dan Castelleneta]] — [[w:Genie (Disney)|Genie]]
* [[Frank Welker]] — [[w:List of Aladdin characters#Abu|Abu]], [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Rajah|Rajah]]
* [[w:Val Bettin|Val Bettin]] — [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#The Sultan|The Sultan]]
* [[w:Jim Cummings|James J. Cummings]] — [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Razoul|Razoul]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0107952}}

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'''[[w:Clive James|Clive James]]''' [[w:Order of Australia|AO]], [[w:Order of the British Empire|CBE]], [[w:Fellow of the Royal Society of Literature|FRSL]] (born Vivian Leopold James; [[7 October]] [[1939]] &amp;ndash; [[24 November]] [[2019]]) was an expatriate Australian writer, poet, essayist, critic, television personality and commentator on popular culture.

== Memoirs ==  

=== ''Unreliable Memoirs'' (1980) ===
* '''Most first novels are disguised autobiographies. This autobiography is a disguised novel.'''
** Opening lines to the preface, p. 9

* Rilke used to say that no poet would mind going to gaol, since he would at least have time to explore the treasure house of his memory. In many respects Rilke was a prick.
** From the preface, p. 9

* '''I was born in 1939. The other big event of that year was the outbreak of the Second World War, but for the moment that did not affect me.'''
** Opening lines of the autobiography, p. 11

* My mother had naturally spiced the pudding with sixpences and threepenny bits, called zacs and trays respectively. Grandpa had collected one of these in the oesophagus. He gave a protracted, strangled gurgle which for a long time we all took to be the beginning of some anecdote.
** p. 13

* I remember the shock of seeing Ray undressed. He looked as if he had a squirrel hanging there. I had an acorn.
** p. 17

* Children in Australia are still named after movies and sporting events. You can tell roughly the year the swimming star Shane Gould was born. It was about the time ''Shane'' was released. There was a famous case of a returned serviceman who named his son after all the campaigns he had been through in the Western Desert. The kid was called William Bardia Escarpment Qattara Depression Mersa Matruh Tobruk El Alamein Benghazi Tripoli Harris.
** p. 29 

* '''Herzen was closer to the truth when he said that every memory calls up a dozen others. The real miracle of Proust is the discipline with which he stemmed the flow. Everything is a Madeleine.'''
** p. 56

* It often happens that we are most touched by what we are least capable of. Evanescent delicacy is not the quality in the arts that I admire most, but it is often the characteristic by which I am most reduced to envy. 
** p. 64

* Riding the crest, I diversified, exploiting a highly marketable capacity to fart at will... By mastering this skill I set myself on a par with those court jesters of old who could wow the monarch and all his retinue with a simultaneous leap, whistle and fart. Unable to extend my neo-Homeric story-telling activities from the playground to the classroom, I could nevertheless continue to hog the limelight by interpolating a gaseous running commentary while the teacher addressed himself to the blackboard.
** p. 105

* The whole secret of raising a fart in class is to make it sound as if it is punctuating, or commenting upon, what the teacher is saying. Timing, not ripeness, is all. 'And since ''x'' tends to ''y'' as ''c'' tends to ''d'',' Fred expounded, 'then the differential of the increment of ''x'' squared must be... must be... come on, come ''on''! What must it flaming ''be''?' Here was the chance to to give my version of what it must be. I armed one, opened the bomb bay, and let it go. Unfortunately, the results far exceeded the discreet limits I had intended. It sounded like a moose coughing.
** pp. 105-6

* As I begin this last paragraph, outside my window a misty afternoon drizzle gently but inexorably soaks the City of London. Down there in the street I can see umbrellas commiserating with each other. In Sydney Harbour, twelve thousand miles away and ten hours from now, the yachts will be racing on the crushed diamond water under a sky the texture of powdered sapphires. It would be churlish not to concede that the same abundance of natural blessings which gave us the energy to leave has every right to call us back. All in, the whippy's taken. '''Pulsing like a beacon through the days and nights, the birthplace of the fortunate sends out its invisible waves of recollection. It always has and it always will, until even the last of us come home.'''
** Closing lines, p. 174

=== ''Falling Towards England'' (1985) ===
* It is almost better to be an impulse shirt-buyer than an impulse shoe-buyer. I have worn shirts that made people think I was a retired Mafia hit-man or a Yugoslavian sports convener from Split, but I have worn shoes that made people think I was insane.

* My idea of a fine wine was one that merely stained your teeth without stripping the enamel.

=== ''May Week Was in June'' (1990) ===
* After that, I was on the right track to the city centre, where there was enough light to distinguish people from letter boxes. The letter boxes, in my perhaps embittered view, had warmer personalities than the people.
** p. 15

* The entrée wasn't tender enough to be a paving stone and the gravy couldn't have been primordial soup because morphogenesis was already taking place.
** p. 18

* His pear-shaped head, I could now see, was situated on top of a pear-shaped body, which his black gown caused to resemble a piece of fruit going to a funeral.
** p. 19

* I was officially advised that during the long vacation it might be profitable to attain at least a nodding acquaintance with the curriculum, and thus stave off the already likely possibility that I would receive a degree classified so low it would be tantamount to a certificate of mental disability.
** p. 45

* Not everyone who wants to make a film is crazy, but almost everyone who is crazy wants to make a film. It is just one of the things that crazy people want to do, like starting a law suit or sending long, unsolicited letters to people in the public eye. A letter from a nutter has a recognisable format and orthography, as if all letter-writing nutters have to go through some kind of Top Gun nutter-letter-writing academy.
** p. 93

* The professor was a bore on a Guggenheim, a long-range drone, and international ballistic fossil. I spent the whole hour drawing little pictures of hanged men.
** p. 120

* When the bell rang to start the Italian hunting season, devotees of ''la caccia'' drove at full speed into the woods and shot everything that moved. Since the animals were sensibly lying low, most of the victims were people. Advancing at random through woods, the hunters - whose minds, like their expensive guns, were on a hair trigger - fired when they thought they saw something. Often they had seen each other. They also killed civilians in nearby villages. The occasional animal got hit, but only by a fluke. One man blasted a rabbit that was already hanging from another man's belt. So much vehicular traffic on the woodland roads, however, ensured that a considerable amount of wildlife was run over.
** p. 144

* On the surface of the water, a midge vanishes into a hungry ripple. ''I'm not ready yet.'' He wonders why, at his age and having come so far, he still feels that. The culmination of his luck is that he will never feel any other way.
** p. 240

* All I can do is turn a phrase until it catches the light. There was a time when I got hot under the collar if the critics said I had nothing new to say. Now I realise that they had a point. My field is the self-evident. Everything I say is obvious, although I like to think that some of the obvious things I have said were not so obvious until I said them.
** p. 241

* It just never occurred to me that the real distance I would have to cross would be in my own mind. In that respect, I had flown half a million miles before I moved an inch, and these three volumes are just the rattling the side of my cot made when I climbed over, on the first stage of that long, momentous journey across the carpet, towards the light of the open door.
** closing lines, p. 249

=== ''North Face of Soho'' (2006) ===
* The sure sign of a weak man who ascends to glory is that he can't tolerate having strong men around him.
** p. 126

* I was wrong, however, to suppose that Sellers thought the world revolved around him. He thought the cosmos did too, and history, and the fates... Like every egomaniac, he behaved as if everybody else spent their day being as interested in him as he was.
** On [[Peter Sellers]], p. 127-9

* He had a conspicuous individual talent, but it was interpretive, not directly creative. He could never have emulated Chaplin, Keaton or Jacques Tati and set up a whole project by himself, controlling its every detail even if the task took years. But there is no point carping. He had such a protean capacity that it would have been a miracle if he had been in full command of it.
** Ibid.

* Actually, like the vast majority of Australians, I had been born and raised in a city, but in the British imagination at that time the whole of Australia was still the outback, which was somehow equipped with a beach. Later on, this outback beach acquired an Opera House and a row of brick bungalows, one of them occupied by Kylie Minogue.
** p. 165

* If it feels like a mistake before you go in, don't go in.
** p. 166

* I never got away from the enigma of Coren's personality. For me he remains the most enigmatic man of his generation, because the sprawling palace of his attainments has so many rooms he has scarcely bothered to look into. He can fly planes, drive fast cars, dance accomplished jive, speak perfect German. But who is he? His writing never tells you, because its humour is a shield.
** On [[Alan Coren]], p. 166

* I should say in haste that his early poetry gave him the right to think of himself as a giant. But he was also a nutter, one of the manic-depressive type who, when in a downhill phase, accuse themselves loudly of being Hitler. (They never accuse themselves of being the seventh anonymous stormtrooper from the right at a dedication ceremony for the new blood banner in a provincial town twenty miles from Dortmund: they always accuse themselves of being Hitler, just as the people who had previous lives in ancient Egypt always turn out to have been pharaohs or chief priests, and never night-shift workers on the crew that put up the third tallest obelisk in one of the satellite temples at Karnak).
** On [[Robert Lowell]], p. 181

* If the assembled company rags you for a failing, you can usually play up to it for comic effect: it's the failing they don't mention that you have to watch out for.
** p. 190

* Martin, rather than step into the spotlight, would prefer to die in an unarmed attack on the power station supplying its electric current. His genuine modesty is the main reason for the fateful discrepancy between him and the journalistic literary sexton beetles who make copy out of him: they would like to receive the degree of attention that he would like to avoid, and the clearer it becomes that he would like to avoid it, the more they resent him for failing to appreciate their generosity.
** On [[Martin Amis]], p. 205

* John Carey, who had once buried ''The Metropolitan Critic'', hailed ''Unreliable Memoirs'' as the written equivalent of sliced bread. Instantly I revised my opinion of his critical prowess upwards.
** On [[w:John Carey|John Carey]], p. 241

== Essays and reviews ==
* [T]he sure sign of a shlock media product is that it is drawn not from life but from previous media products.
* [[Heinrich Himmler|Himmler]] was certainly banal, but he was also baroque, steaming around in a special train and diverting large amounts of the [[Nazi Germany|Third Reich]]'s increasingly thin resources to such 'tasks' as proving scholastically that the Japanese were Aryans. How could you show all that and be believed? The whole Nazi reality was a caricature. The more precisely you evoke it, the less probable it looks.
* Santayana was probably wrong when he said that those who forget the past are condemned to relive it. Those who remember are condemned to relive it too.
** On the ''[[w:Holocaust (miniseries)|Holocaust]]'' miniseries ''The Observer'' (10 September 1978)

* All television ever did was shrink the demand for ordinary movies. The demand for extraordinary movies increased. If any one thing is wrong with the movie industry today, it is the unrelenting effort to astonish.
** [https://www.proquest.com/docview/476511393 &lt;span title=&quot;New York Public Library card required, which can be requested online at http://nypl.org&quot;&gt;&quot;Postcard from L.A.,&quot;&lt;/span&gt;] ''[[w:The Observer|The Observer]]'', [https://www.proquest.com/docview/476511393  (10 June 1979)]

* ''[[w:Year Zero: The Silent Death of Cambodia|Year Zero]]'' ([[w:Associated Television|ATV]]) featured [[John Pilger]] in Cambodia. Most of what he had to show was hard to look at. Already it has become apparent that [[Pol Pot]]'s crimes, like [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]'s and [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]]'s, are too hideous to take in, even when you are faced with the evidence. Nevertheless Pilger might have found a few unkind things to say about the North Vietnamese who, I seem to remember, have recently taken to offering their internal enemies the opportunity of going on long yachting expeditions with insufficient regard to safety precautions.&lt;br /&gt;Pilger loudly accused the international relief organisations of playing politics, but forgot to mention the possibility that the North Vietnamese might be playing politics themselves. The way he was telling it, they were philanthropists. He was there and we were here, but it was hard to quell the suspicion that one of the reasons he was there was that North Vietnam likes the way he presents such a neat, easily understandable picture.
** [https://www.newspapers.com/image/257809126/ &quot;Sorry, Quaterfans&quot;], ''The Observer'' (4 November 1979), p. 20
** The &quot;long yachting expeditions&quot; is a reference to the [[w:Vietnamese boat people|Vietnamese boat people]]. In the 20 years from 1975 (peaking in 1978 and 1979), approaching 800,000 fleeing Vietnamese were resettled in other countries, but between 200,000 and 400,000 people are estimated to have been lost at sea. The article's title refers to the ''[[w:Quatermass (TV serial)|Quatermass]]'' serial then being broadcast.

* Referring to &quot;the historian [[David Irving]]&quot; is like referring to the metallurgist [[Uri Geller]].
** [https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v03/n02/clive-james/malcolm-and-the-masses &quot;Malcolm and the Masses&quot;], ''London Review of Books'', 3:2 (5 February 1981).
** Uri Geller is an illusionist known for bending spoons.

* He wasn't just a genius, he had the genius's impatience with the whole idea of doing something again. He reinvented an art form, exhausted its possibilities, and just left it. There is always something frightening about that degree of inventiveness... He didn't lose his powers. He just lost interest in proving that he possessed them.
** &quot;Vale, Peter Cook&quot; [http://www.agsm.edu.au/bobm/odds+ends/petercook.html ''The Pembroke College, Cambridge, Society Annuel Gazette]'' (September 1995) 

* The mad idea that the Jews have no right to exist is a potent intensifier of the almost equally mad idea that the State of Israel can somehow be eliminated. I say 'almost' because a friend of mine in Australia recently presented me with a plausible case that the Middle East would probably be a more peaceful area if the State of Israel had never been founded. Like her argument that the Aborigines would have been a lot happier if the Europeans had never shown up, this contention was hard to rebut, except by rudely pointing out that we were both sitting in an Italian restaurant in Melbourne, history having happened.
** &quot;The University of the Holocaust: On Anti-Semitism Now&quot; ''The Sunday Times'' (28 March 2004)

* I quite like talking myself, but when Peter was in the room there wasn't much point, you just had to listen. He was unimaginably, overwhelmingly gifted. You had to imagine a cross between Dr. Johnson, Isaiah Berlin, Peter Sellers and don't forget Charlie Chaplin — because Peter was a great mime too. … He was inexhaustible. It was like talking to Europe, talking to history.
** On [[Peter Ustinov]] ''BBC News'' (29 March 2004)

* Only the misapprehension that [Paglia] can be wise like lightning could explain her brief appearance, in ''Inside Deep Throat'', to tell us that the cultural artefact in question was 'an epochal moment in the history of modern sexuality.' On the contrary, it was a moronic moment in the history of exploitation movies made by people so untalented that they can't even be convincing when they masturbate.
** On [[Camille Paglia]] ''The New York Times Book Review'' (27 March 2005)

* [B]y now some of the editors and subeditors [on Fleet Street] are themselves products of the anti-educational orthodoxy by which expressiveness counts above precision. It would, if the two terms were separable.  But they aren't. '''Beyond a certain point - and that point is reached early - precision is what expressiveness depends on.'''
** &quot;The Continuing Insult to the English Language&quot; ''The Monthly'' (May 2006)

* Sandburg is unreadable today only because of the way he wrote. His prose was bad poetry, like his poetry. 
** [https://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/04/books/review/how-to-write-about-film.html &quot;American Movie Critics: How to Write About Film&quot;], ''New York Times Book Review'' (4 June 2006)
** From a review of Philip Lopate (ed) ''An Anthology From the Silents Until Now'' (Library of America).

* Hughes spends a lot of time in this book saying what his country never had, and still hasn't got. Actually it's got it, because it's got Hughes. He should give his country a little more credit, if only because it still gives so much credit to him.
** [https://www.nybooks.com/articles/2007/01/11/golden-boy/ &quot;Golden Boy&quot;], ''The New York Review of Books'', January 11, 2007)
** From a review of [[Robert Hughes]] ''Things I Didn't Know'' (Knopf)

* [H]e could never have played the hero, because for him it was creativity itself that had the heroic status, beyond politics, beyond patriotism, beyond even personal happiness. It’s the reason why his work is like that. '''His poetry, so wonderful when it is really flying, isn’t trying to tell you how much he knows. It’s giving thanks for how much there is to be known.'''
** On [[w:Peter Porter|Peter Porter]], 'Talking for Posterity' ''The Times Literary Supplement'' (14 May 2010)

=== ''Visions Before Midnight'' (1977) ===
&lt;small&gt;Reprints of selected television reviews from [[w:The Observer|The Observer]], published by Jonathan Cape in 1977.&lt;/small&gt;

* Every week I watch [[w:Stuart Hall (presenter)|Stuart Hall]] on ''It's A Knock-Out'' and realise with renewed despair that the most foolish thing I ever did was to turn in my double-0 licence and hand back that Walther PPK with the short silencer.
** 'Eddie Waring Communicates'

=== ''At the Pillars of Hercules'' (1979) ===
* It's yet another mark of Auden's superiority that whereas his contemporaries could be didactic about what they had merely thought or read, Auden could be tentative about what he felt in his bones.
** 'On [[W. H. Auden|Auden's]] Death'

* For the educated man, there is a moment of his early acquaintanceship with Dante when he realizes that all he has slowly taught himself to enjoy in poetry is everything that Dante has grown out of.
** Ibid.

* There is abundant evidence in Stoppard’s plays to show that he is as capable of emotion as anybody. In ''Enter A Free Man'' Linda is a finely tuned moral invention whose equivalents we might well miss in the later plays, if we really thought they should be there. The mainspring of ''Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead'' is the perception—surely a compassionate one—that the fact of their deaths mattering so little to Hamlet was something which ought to have mattered to Shakespeare.
** '[[Tom Stoppard]]: Count Zero Splits the Infinite'

* Solzhenitsyn can imagine what pain is like when it happens to strangers. Even more remarkably, he is not disabled by imagining what pain is like when it happens to a ''million'' strangers - he can think about individuals even when the subject is the obliteration of the masses, which makes his the exact reverse of the ideological mentality, which can think only about masses even when the subject is the obliteration of individuals.
** 'Bitter Seeds: [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn|Solzhenitsyn]]

* In a piece written ''circa'' 1960 called 'The Twelve Caesars' he said that world events were the work of individuals and that the motives of those individuals were often frivolous, even casual. There is something of Suetonius and Plutarch in Vidal's unblushing readiness to view contemporary history in terms of character.
** 'Unpatriotic Gore: [[Gore Vidal]]'

* As far as talent goes, Marilyn Monroe was so minimally gifted as to be almost unemployable, and anyone who holds to the opinion that she was a great natural comic identifies himself immediately as a dunce...As a natural silent comedian Marilyn might possibly have qualified, with the proviso that she was not to be depended on to invent anything. But as a natural comedian in sound she had the conclusive disadvantage of not being able to speak. She was limited ineluctably to characters who rented language but could not possess it, and all her best roles fell into that category. She was good at being inarticulately abstracted for the same reason that midgets are good at being short.
** '[[Norman Mailer|Mailer]]'s ''[[Marilyn Monroe|Marilyn]]'''

* Strong language in Larkin is put in not to shock the reader but to define the narrator's personality. When Larkin's narrator in 'A Study of Reading Habits' (in ''The Whitsun Weddings'') said 'Books are a load of crap' there were critics - some of them, incredibly, among his more appreciative - who allowed themselves to believe that Larkin was expressing his own opinion. (Kingsley Amis had the same kind of trouble, perhaps from the same kind of people, when he let Jim Dixon cast aspersions on Mozart.) It should be obvious at long last, however, that the diction describes the speaker.
** '[[Philip Larkin]]: 'Wolves of Memory'

* [Larkin] himself is well aware that there are happier ways of viewing life. It's just that he is incapable of sharing them, except for fleeting moments - and the fleeting moments do not accumulate, whereas the times in between them do.
** Ibid.

=== ''The Crystal Bucket'' (1982) ===
* Probably it is only in free countries, however, that a humorous regard for corruption is possible. In the totalitarian countries, corrupt from top to bottom, nobody is laughing because nothing is laughable. There is no difference between what things are and what things ought to be, since what things ought to be no longer exists even as a standard.
** 'The Weld This Week'

* [In [[w:Marcel Ophuls|Marcel Ophuls]]' film ''[[w:The Memory of Justice|The Memory of Justice]]''] Mad old Nazis were to be heard deploring modern decadence. 'The difference is, we weren't obsessed with smut,' said one comfortable, retired SS man, all unaware of being up to his neck in blood and pus.
** 'The Weld This Week'

* But you will never catch Sir [[Oswald Mosley|Oswald [Mosley]]] admitting to anti-Semitism. All he does is embody it. He talked of 'the use of Jewish money power to promote a world war.' Taxed on this point, he disclaimed anti-Semitism, by saying that he meant 'not all Jews, but some Jews.' That's as far as he will ever reduce his estimate. The truth, of course, is that the real number of Jews responsible for World War II was zero.
** 'The Truly Strong Man'

* On ''[[w:Miss World|Miss World]]'' (BBC 1) [[w:Patrick Anson, 5th Earl of Lichfield|Patrick Lichfield]] and [[w:Sacha Distel|Sacha Distel]] helped herd the beef. Even further down-market, ''[[w:Royal Variety Performance|The Royal Variety Performance]]'' (BBC 1) was hosted by [[Max Bygraves]], who tried the time-honoured gimmick of singing the finale at the start. 'And if you doan like our finish / You doan have to stay for the show.' Thanks. Click.
** 'The Truly Strong Man'

* I can remember being young enough, long ago, to believe that in [[Tennessee Williams]] the giant themes of Greek tragedy had returned, all hung about with Magnolias. Ignorance of Greek tragedy helped in this view.
** 'Over the tarp'

* Everybody caught one another's eye with a 'Spot the loon' look when [Tony] Benn was talking. The show was probably true to life, since each minister had a vested interest in briefing the journalist chosen to play him. It's a sweet technique for getting at the truth, so I imagine someone will put a stop to it soon enough.
** 'Wini und Wolf'

* The most solid documentary of the week was ''White Rhodesia'' (BBC1), presented by [[w:Hugh Burnett (producer)|Hugh Burnett]]. He was on screen only two or three times and even when he was there you would have sworn he wasn't.
** 'A load of chunk'

* [[w:Perry Como|Perry [Como]]] gave his usual impersonation of a man who has simultaneously been told to say 'Cheese' and shot in the back with a poisoned arrow.
** 'Olde Rubbishe'

* The Italian Marxist composer ''[[w:Luigi Nono|Luigi Nono]]'' (BBC2) proclaims the necessity for contemporary music to 'intervene' in something called 'the sonic reality of our time.' Apparently it should do this by being as tuneless as possible.
** 'Wuthering depths'

* Among artists without talent Marxism will always be popular, since it enables them to blame society for the fact that nobody wants to hear what they have to say.
** 'Wuthering depths'

* Disco dancing is really dancing for people who hate dancing, since the beat is so monotonous that only the champions can find interesting ways of reacting to it. There is no syncopation, just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail.
** 'The flying feet of Frankie Foo'

* [[Margaret Thatcher|[Mrs Thatcher]]] started quoting [[Francis of Assisi|St Francis]] within minutes of becoming elected, and scarcely an hour had gone by before she was sounding like the [[Book of Revelation|book of Revelations]] read out over a railway station public address system by a headmistress of a certain age wearing calico knickers.
** 'Zorba the Hun'

=== ''From the Land of Shadows'' (1982) ===
* One of the many services performed by Professor Smith's book is to show that Nuremberg was not a kangaroo court. Even the Russian and the French judges were able to act with some independence from their governments. It is true that some of the defendants were arbitrarily chosen, true that the indictment was questionably framed, and true again that some of the verdicts were anomalous. But by and large justice was done. The idea that at Nuremberg the victors tried the vanquished is a false one.&lt;br&gt;The vanquished were the millions of guiltless men, women, and children already obliterated.
** 'Only Human: On Nuremberg'

* Here is a book so dull that a whirling dervish could read himself to sleep with it. If you were to recite even a single page in the open air, birds would fall out of the sky and dogs drop dead. There is no author's name on the title page, merely a modest line of italic type advising us that Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev's 'short biography' has been composed 'by the Institute of Marxism-Leninism, CPSU Central Committee.' This is the one statement in the entire opus which is undeniably true. Only an Institute could write like this.
** '[[w:Brezhnev|Brezhnev]]: A State of Boredom'
** Opening lines of his review of ''Brezhnev: A Short Biography''

* ''Nothing Like the Sun'' and the Enderby books prove that Burgess is as clever as he seems. His utopian satires, of which ''1985'' is yet another, mainly just seem clever. At a generous estimate there are half a dozen ideas in each of them.
** '[[Anthony Burgess]] in 1978'

* '''First-rate science fiction was, and remains, more interesting than second-rate art.'''
** Ibid.

* After half a lifetime of poking fun at Bernard Shaw's materialism Kingsmill was not above touching the despised sage for ten quid. Even in the Australian school of literary morals, we weren't allowed to slag a man ''and'' put the bit on him simultaneously: it had to be one or the other.
** &quot;[[Richard Ingrams]] at Doubting Castle&quot;

* Joseph Brodsky, writing about Mandelstam, called lyricism the ethics of language. Larkin's wit is the ethics of his poetry. It brings his distress under our control. It makes his personal unhappiness our universal exultation. Armed with his wit, he faces the worst on our behalf, and brings it to order.
** 'On [[w:Philip Larkin|Larkin]]'s Wit'

* As a work of art it has the same status as a long conversation between two not very bright drunks...
** 'A Blizzard of Tiny Kisses'

* People don't get their morality from their reading matter: they bring their morality to it.
** Ibid.

* Mrs. Krantz, having dined at Mark's Club, insists that it is exclusive. There would not have been much point to her dining there if she did not think that. A bigger snob than she might point out that the best reason for not dining at Mark’s Club is the chance of finding Mrs Krantz there. It takes only common sense, though, to tell you that on those terms exclusiveness in not just chimerical but plain tedious. You would keep better company eating Kentucky Fried Chicken in a launderette.
** Ibid.

=== ''Glued to the Box'' (1983) ===
&lt;small&gt;Reprints of selected television reviews from ''[[w:The Observer|The Observer]]'' 1979 to 1982.&lt;/small&gt;

* Television is simultaneously blamed, often by the same people, for worsening the world and for being powerless to change it.
** 'Introduction'

* '''Anyone afraid of what he thinks television does to the world is probably just afraid of the world.'''
** 'Introduction'

* The literary critic, or the critic of any other specific form of artistic expression, may detach himself from the world for as long as the work of art he is contemplating appears to do the same.
** 'Introduction'

* Shaw said that three years as a theatre critic was the maximum before insanity set in - the implication being that anyone who lasted longer than that was too dull to be unbalanced by his nightly ordeal.
** 'Introduction'

* Give or take the odd anatomical discrepancy, [[John Berger]] affects me exactly like [[Jane Fonda]] - ie. any opinion of mine which I discover he shares I immediately examine to find out what's wrong with it.
** 'Woodhouse walkies'

* The repeat run of ''Fawlty Towers'' (BBC2) drew bigger audiences than ever and deservedly so. Statistical surveys reveal that only the television critic of the ''Spectator'' is incapable of seeing the joke, which is that Basil Fawlty has the wrong temperament to be a hotel proprietor, just as some other people have the wrong temperament to be television critics.
** 'Bovis and Basil'

* In ''The Bob Hope Golf Classic'' (LWT) the participation of President Gerald Ford was more than enough to remind you that the nuclear button was at one stage at the disposal of a man who might have either pressed it by mistake or else pressed it deliberately in order to obtain room service.
** 'Blinding white flash'

* If ''Brideshead Revisited'' is not a great book, it's so like a great book that many of us, at least while reading it, find it hard to tell the difference.
** 'Borgias on my mind'

* The running gag of the Grand Prix series is that whereas Murray [Walker], safe in the commentary box, sounds like a blindfolded man riding a unicycle on the rim of the pit of doom, the men actually facing the danger are all so taciturn that you might as well try interviewing the cars themselves.
** 'Hot pistils'

* Speer never made the mistake of saying there were no extermination camps. He said he didn't know about them. He impressed the gullible by declaring himself willing to accept responsibility for Nazi crimes even though he was not aware of their full scope. But as the man better informed about the Reich's industrial resources than anybody else including Hitler, Speer was in fact fully aware of the purpose and the extent of the Final Solution and by pretending he was not he did the opposite of accepting responsibility.&lt;br&gt;Speer cheated the rope, cheated the world, and yet further insulted the shades of innocent millions. Those of us who live by our brains should remember his example, which serves to prove that intellect confers no automatic moral superiority. Otherwise we will meet him again in the Infernal Regions, and be once more confronted with that look of puzzled concern, as if there were something difficult, ponderable, and equivocal about the rights and wrongs of tearing children from their mothers' arms, piling their little shoes in heaps, and pushing their twisted corpses into ovens.
** 'Speer Checks Out'

* Twin miracles of mascara, her eyes looked like the corpses of two small crows that had crashed into a chalk cliff.
** On [[Barbara Cartland]]
** 'Wedding of the century'

=== ''Flying Visits'' (1984) ===
* To me [Sydney Opera House] looks like a portable typewriter full of oyster shells, and to the contention that it echoes the sails of yachts on the harbour I can only point out that the yachts on the harbour don't waste any time echoing opera houses.
** 'Postcard from Sydney'

* Australian TV is so bad it is almost impossible to describe. If you have seen American television and can imagine it without its redeeming features, then Australian TV is even worse than that.
** 'Postcard from Sydney'

* The [[w:Ocker|Ocker]] is strictly a mass media event — but then Australia is pre-eminently a mass society. Ockerism's most famous incarnation is [[w:Paul Hogan|Paul Hogan]], a stand-up comic who rivals even [[w:Dennis Lillee|Dennis Lillee]] as an advertiser's idea of irresistible consumer-bait.
** 'Postcard from Sydney'

* In the twelfth century the Basque fisherman of Biarritz used to hunt whales with deadly efficiency. When the whales sensibly moved away, the Basques chased them further and further, with consequence that the fishermen of Biarritz discovered America before Columbus did. (This is a matter for local pride but on a larger view is not quite so stunning, since with the possible exception of the Swiss everybody discovered America before Columbus did).
** 'Postcard from Biarritz'

=== ''Snakecharmers in Texas'' (1988) ===
* Speer got quite a lot done in Berlin and if hostilities had not started early he would have transformed it utterly, with consequences far more hideous than anything achieved by the RAF.
** '[[Albert Speer]]: Ruins Without Value'

* [T]hat's really the first thing to say about Speer's architecture. It was just awful. A genius without talent, he was essentially a theatrical personality, with enough gumption to be quiet about it.
** Ibid.

* When Humphries writes ''in propria persona'' his prose can scarcely contain its freight of cultivated allusions. He writes the most nutritiously rococo English in Australia today, but nobody will be able to inherit it. To know him would not be enough. You would have to know what he knows.
** 'Approximately in the Vicinity of [[Barry Humphries]]'

* When [[Aleksandr Pushkin|Pushkin]] - who was in the position of having to think what form a national culture might take - called for a dispassionate criticism, he wasn't calling for help in writing poems, which he could do all by himself. He was merely stated his wish to write them in a civilized atmosphere, whose absence was reducing him to isolation, and thereby damaging his individuality.
** 'A Death in Life'

=== ''Clive James On Television'' (1991) ===
* Common sense and a sense of humour are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humour is just common sense, dancing. Those who lack humour are without judgement and should be trusted with nothing.

* Dead ground is the territory you can’t judge the extent of until you approach it: seen from a distance, it is unseen. Almost uniquely amongst imagined countries, [[Leo Tolstoy|Tolstoy]]’s psychological landscape is without dead ground — the entire vista of human experience is lit up with an equal, shadowless intensity, so that separateness and clarity continue even to the horizon.

=== ''The Dreaming Swimmer'' (1993) ===
* [[w:Artur Schnabel|Schnabel]] said that [[w:|Ludwig van Beethoven|Beethoven]]'s late piano sonatas are music better than could be played. Larkin's best poems are poetry better than can be said, but sayability they sumptuously offer. Larkin demands to be read aloud. His big, intricately formed stanzas, often bridging from one to the next, defeat the single breath but always invite it. As you read, the ideal human voice speaks in your head. It isn't his: as his gramophone records prove, he sounded like someone who expects to be interrupted. It isn't yours, either. It's ours.
** '[[Philip Larkin]]: Somewhere becoming rain'

=== ''As Of This Writing'' (2003) ===
* The question of originality, if it arises at all, can never be peripheral: originality is more than a requirement in good poetry, it is a description of it.
** 'Two Essays on [[Theodore Roethke]]'

* [[w:James McAuley|McAuley's]] nominal subject was left-wing incomprehension of the recently published ''Dr. Zhivago'', but the real object of his ire seemed to be liberalism in general, starting with the invention of moveable type, or perhaps the wheel.
** 'The Great Generation of Australian Poetry'

* Our post-[[Hannah Arendt]] imaginations are haunted by the wrong figure: for every owl-eyed, mild-mannered pen-pusher clinically shuffling the euphemistic paperwork of oblivion, there were a hundred noisily dedicated louts revelling in the bloodbath. The gas chambers, our most enduring symbol of the catastrophe, were in fact anomalous: most of those annihilated did not die suddenly and surprised as the result of a deception, but only after protracted humiliations and torments to whose devising their persecutors devoted inexhaustible creative zeal.
** 'Hitler's Unwitting Exculpator', a review of ''Hitler's Willing Executioners'' by [[Daniel Jonah Goldhagen]]

* [I]t makes no sense whatsoever to call the perpetrators of the Holocaust 'the Germans' if by that is meant that the German victims of Naziism – including many Jews who went on regarding themselves as Germans to the end of the line – somehow weren’t Germans at all. That’s what the Nazis thought, and to echo their harebrained typology is to concede them their victory.
** Ibid.

* In Germany, everyone knew that helping or hiding Jews was an unpardonable crime, which would be punished as severely as an attack on Hitler’s life – because it was an attack on Hitler’s life. Why, Goldhagen asks, did the population not rise up? The answer is obvious: because you had to be a hero to do so.
** Ibid.

* [[w:Claus von Stauffenberg|Claus Graf von Stauffenberg]]'s famous last words ''Es lebe das geheime Deutschland'' have turned out to be not quite so romantically foolish as they sounded at the time. If there never was a secret Germany, the July plotters at least provided a sacred moment, and the Germans of today are right to cherish it.
** Ibid.

* The Holocaust would have been unimaginable without the Nazi Party; the Nazi Party would have been unimaginable without Hitler; and Hitler’s rise to power would have been unimaginable without the unique circumstances that brought the Weimar Republic to ruin. To hear Goldhagen tell it, mass murder was all set to go: a century-long build-up of eliminationist anti-Semitism simply had to express itself. But the moment when a historian says that something had to happen is the moment when he stops writing history and starts predicting the past.
** Ibid.

* We tend to think of [Hitler] as an idiot because the central tenet of his ideology was idiotic – and idiotic, of course, it transparently is. Anti-Semitism is a world view through a pinhole: as scientists say about a bad theory, it is not even wrong. Nietzsche tried to tell Wagner that it was beneath contempt. Sartre was right for once when he said that through anti-Semitism any halfwit could become a member of an elite. But, as the case of Wagner proves, a man can have this poisonous bee in his bonnet and still be a creative genius. Hitler was a destructive genius, whose evil gifts not only beggar description but invite denial, because we find it more comfortable to believe that their consequences were produced by historical forces than to believe that he was a historical force. Or perhaps we just lack the vocabulary. Not many of us, in a secular age, are willing to concede that, in the form of Hitler, Satan visited the Earth, recruited an army of sinners, and fought and won a battle against God. We would rather talk the language of pseudoscience, which at least seems to bring such events to order. But all such language can do is shift the focus of attention down to the broad mass of the German people, which is what Goldhagen has done, in a way that, at least in part, lets Hitler off the hook – and unintentionally reinforces his central belief that it was the destiny of the Jewish race to be expelled from the Volk as an inimical presence.
** Ibid.

* The answer to the nagging conundrum of how a civilized country like Germany could produce the Holocaust is that Germany ceased to be civilized from the moment Hitler came to power.
** Ibid.

* For those who would like to throw off the burden of history and move on, Goldhagen’s book has been a welcome gift. Purporting to bring the past home to the unsuspecting present, he has had the opposite effect. If he has not yet asked himself why his book has received such an enthusiastic reception in Germany, he might ponder why 'the Germans' should be so glad to be supplied with the argument that their parents and grandparents were all equally to blame because they inhabited a culture blameworthy in itself: we’re different now. But nobody is that different now, because nobody was that different then.
** Postscript to ''Hitler's Unwitting Exculpator''

* The new Germany is a democracy. So was the old Germany, or it tried to be: but then the Nazis got on, and Hell broke loose. It can break loose anywhere: all people have hellish propensities.
** Ibid.

=== ''The Meaning of Recognition'' (2005) ===
* Roman Polanski's new film ''The Pianist'' is a work of genius on every level, except, alas, for the press-pack promotional slogan attributed to the director himself. &quot;''The Pianist'' is a testimony to the power of music, the will to live, and the courage to stand against evil.&quot; If he actually said it, he flew in the face of his own masterpiece, which is a testimony to none of those things. '''In the Warsaw ghetto, the power of music, the will to live and the courage to stand against evil added up to very little, and ''The Pianist'' has the wherewithal to respect that sad fact and make sense of it. In the Warsaw ghetto, what counted was luck, and the luck had to be very good.'''
** On [[Roman Polański|Polanski]]'s ''The Pianist''

* [Donald Horne's] central tenet, that his homeland was a lucky strike consistently mismanaged by second-rate politicians, caught on as a dogmatic aid to national self-doubt. As I read on through our recent and gratifyingly rich heritage of commentary and memoir, it became clearer to me all the time that we hadn't become a prosperous and reasonably equable democracy by the accidental dispensation of benevolent nature and a favourable geographical position. The country had been built, by clever people. Our constitution itself was the work of people who had studied history. They were readers of newspapers and periodicals, they were eternal students in the best sense, they were bookish people. They had built a bookish nation. But, as so often has been the case with Australia's consciousness of itself, the problem was to realise it.
** On Australia and [[w:Donald Horne|Donald Horne]]'s &quot;The Lucky Country&quot;

=== ''Cultural Amnesia: Notes in the Margin of My Time'' (2007) ===
* The full facts about Nazi Germany came out quite quickly, and were more than enough to induce despair. The full facts about the Soviet Union were slower to become generally appreciated, but when they at last were, the despair was compounded. The full facts about Mao's China left that compounded despair looking like an inadequate response. '''After Mao, not even Pol Pot came as a surprise. Sadly, he was a cliché.'''
** 'Introduction' p.XVIII

* Sartre, whose underground activities had never amounted to anything except a secret meeting on Wednesday to decide whether there should be another meeting the following Tuesday, not only claimed the status of Resistance veteran but called down vengeance on people whose behaviour had not really been all that much more reprehensible than his own.
** '[[w:Raymond Aron|Raymond Aron]]' p. 35

* Whoever said &quot;Wagner's music isn't as bad as it sounds&quot; was as wrong as he was funny, but there is surely a case for saying that the story of Captain Ahab's contest with the great white whale is one of those books you can't get started with even after you have finished reading them.
** '[[Jorge Luis Borges]]', p. 65

* Borges, alas, had no particular objection to extreme authoritarianism as such. The reason he hated Peronismo was that it was a mass movement. He didn't like the masses: he was the kind of senatorial elitist whose chief objection to fascism is that by mobilizing the people it gives them ideas above their station and hands out too many free shirts.
** '[[Jorge Luis Borges]]', p. 69

* There have even been outright bad writers blessed by the visitation of a poetic title. Ayn Rand had one with ''[[The Fountainhead]]'', and another with ''[[Atlas Shrugged]]'': a bit of a mouthful, but nobody has ever spat it out without first being fascinated with what it felt like to chew. Yet if those were not two of the worst books ever written - the worst books ever written don't even get published - they were certainly among the worst books ever to be taken seriously.
** '[[Sir Thomas Browne]]',  p. 80

* ''Unreliable Memoirs'' was just too hard to classify: most of the first wave of American reviewers had convicted it of trying to be truthful and fanciful at the same time. Since I had clearly had no other aim in mind, I read these indictments with sad bewilderment. The most powerful reviewer, in ''The New York Review of Books,'' had seized on my incidental remark 'Rilke was a prick' in order to instruct me that Rilke was, on the contrary, an important German poet.
** [[Dick Cavett]], p. 97

* Taste was his world. [[Rainer Maria Rilke|Rilke]] behaved as if art were taste elevated to the highest possible degree. The armigerous chatelaines who played hostess were happy to believe it, since the idea made them artists too.
** [[Sergei Diaghilev]], p. 172

* '''The question isn't about what Schubert would have done if he had lived as long as Beethoven. The question is about what Schubert would have done if he had lived as long as Mozart.'''
** '[[w:Alfred Einstein|Alfred Einstein]]', p. 184

* Back in the late 1950s, on the sleeve of the ''Beyond the Fringe'' record album, [[w:Jonathan Miller|Jonathan Miller]] made a dark joke about his worst fear: being tortured for information that he did not possess. The assumption behind the joke was that if he had something to reveal, the agony would stop. He was looking back to a world of polite British fiction, not to a world of brute European fact. In the Nazi and Soviet cellars and camps, people were regularly tortured for information they did not possess: i.e. they were tortured just for the hell of it.
** '[[Terry Gilliam]]', p. 279

* Since the Nazi era need never have happened, to say that he prophesised it is actually a belittlement of his creative achievement, and only one step up from saying that he caused the whole thing. But nobody could now read ''The Trial'' without thinking of the Soviet show trials, or the short works ''Metamorphosis'' and ''In the Penal Colony'' without thinking of the death camps.
** '[[Franz Kafka]]', p. 344

* Attempting to define the sensationalism of the press, [[Malcolm Muggeridge]] came up with the slogan 'Give us this day our daily story.' A doomed effort, because all it did was remind the reader that the King James Version of the Lord's Prayer was better written than an article by Muggeridge.
** '[[Georg Christoph Lichtenberg]]', p. 383

* Few artists were ever fully well, so it is no great trick to prove them ill. There are commentators who can't get interested in Caravaggio until they find out he killed someone. They are only one step from believing that every killer is Caravaggio.
** '[[Georg Christoph Lichtenberg]]', p. 395

* '''A painter can leave you with nothing left to say. A writer leaves you with everything to say.'''
** '[[Georg Christoph Lichtenberg]]', p. 405

* '''One of [Mann's] many reasons for hating the Third Reich was that it forced him to be a better man than he really was.'''
** '[[Thomas Mann]]', p. 453

* The flowers bloomed, the schools of thought contended, and Mao's executioners went to work. The slogan had the same function as the Constitution of the Soviet Union, which [[Aleksandr Zinoviev]] tellingly defined as a document published in order to find out who agreed with it, so that they could be dealt with.
** '[[Mao Zedong]]', p. 457

* Pedants and snobs are fond of declaring that only accomplished French speakers can catch [[Marcel Proust|Proust]]'s tone. That might be so, but the tone is only one of the things to be caught.
** '[[Marcel Proust]]', p. 579

* If you can't have a revolution without Jacobinism, then it becomes a matter of how to have reform without revolution. Anyone who &quot;accepts the necessity of Jacobinism&quot; wants to try his hand at it. When [[François Furet]] hinted at this conclusion in his truly revolutionary book on the French Revolution, he found himself immediately tagged by the left as a diehard spokesman of the reactionary right. It was assumed that if he was against the Terror, he was against the people. His contention that the Terror had been against the people was not accepted.
** '[[w:Edgar Quinet|Edgar Quinet]]', p. 587

* '''A man who wants to find out who he really is should try watching the woman he loves as she dances the tango with a maestro.'''
** [[Ernesto Sábato]]

* In Sartre's style of argument, German metaphysics met French sophistry in a kind of European Coal and Steel Community producing nothing but rhetorical gas.
** '[[Jean-Paul Sartre]]', p. 671

* After being murdered at Stalin's orders, Lev Davidovich Bronstein, alias [[Leon Trotsky]] (1879-1940), lived on for decades as the unassailable hero of aesthetically minded progressives who wished to persuade themselves that there could be a vegetarian version of communism.
** '[[Leon Trotsky]]', p. 747

* There is a consoling mythology, constantly being added to, which would have us believe that genius operates beyond donkey work. Thus we are told reassuringly that [[Albert Einstein|Einstein]] was no better at arithmetic than we are; that [[Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart|Mozart]] gaily broke the rules of composition while jotting down a stream of black dots without even looking; and that [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] didn't care about grammar. Superficially, there are facts to lend substance to these illusions. But illusions they remain. There is always some autistic child in India who can speak in prime numbers, but that doesn't mean Einstein couldn't add up; Mozart would not have been able to break the rules in an interesting way unless he was able to keep them if required; and '''Shakespeare, far from being careless about grammar, could depart from it in any direction only because he had first mastered it as a structure.'''
** [[w:Pedro Henríquez Ureña|Pedro Henríquez Ureña]], p. 777

== Television and radio ==
* The controls fell easily to hand, and from there onto the floor.
** On the Trabant. From ''Postcard from Berlin''.

* Everything the British Empire built here will be history. Most of it already is, but it’s a history that has left its mark. In the War Cemetery at Sai Wan Bay you can see it clearly: understated but indelible. The armed forces of Imperial Japan tried to enslave the whole of the East, including Japan itself. Caught up in the terrible war that raged in Asia and the Pacific, a lot of our people who came out here to fight never came home. They died in a good cause. But if the people in this graveyard were somehow to learn that yet another tyranny was on the way, they would find it hard to rest in peace. One of them is my father, who has lain here now for fifty years. He lived and died under our old empire without ever thinking that it was wonderful beyond question. But he thought that it created more than it destroyed, and he was right. The best hope of our last colony is that when the men from the mainland finally take over they will not try to rewrite history by pretending we were never here. Some of us will always be here.
** On the then imminent transfer of sovereignty over Hong Kong from the British Empire to the People's Republic of China. From ''Postcard from Hong Kong''.

* I see the pain on your face when you say the word intellectual, because it has so many syllables in it.
** From an interview with [[Stephen Colbert]] on Comedy Central's ''Colbert Report''

* I think the control I had over my work was less than adequate. There was nothing wrong with the good bits in my poems, it’s just that they were packed around with lots and lots of bad bits, and I think that the only way I’ve improved in the last several decades [. . .] is that I’ve learned to leave out the bad bits. I’m not sure you do improve beyond that.
** From a conversation with [[w:Peter Porter|Peter Porter]] broadcast on ABC Radio, Australia in the program ''Book Talk'' (15 October 2005)

=== ''A Point of View'' (BBC Radio 4, UK) ===
* In Australia during WWII, a couple of established poets invented the supposedly nonsensical works of a fictitious poet called Ern Malley and used them to discredit the modernist pretensions of the young editor who printed them. It never occurred to them that as writers of talent they were not in a position to suppose that they could deliberately write something perfectly meaningless.
** 'Congratulations!', on scams, frauds and hoaxes.

* [E]ven if you do know about art, you can’t talk about it socially ... [[Damien Hirst]]'s shark was a common talking point for a time, and so will the diamond skull be: for a little more time, perhaps, but not forever. The [[w:Sandro Botticelli|Botticelli]] paintings are forever because they aren’t talking points.
** 'Reflections on a Diamond Skull', on corporate art

* After thirteen hours we arrived at Bangkok airport and I raced for the smoking room. Smoking room was a big name for a small Perspex cubicle that was opaque from the outside because of the grey pressure of the fumes within. I opened the door, saw all the other smokers sitting there face to face in two tight rows, and I realised that I would have to smoke in the standing position. Then I realised I didn’t have to light up. All I had to do was breathe in. It was the moment of truth.
** 'Smoking the Memory', on giving up smoking

* I still haven’t forgiven [[C. S. Lewis]] for going on all those long walks with [[J. R. R. Tolkien]] and failing to strangle him, thus to save us from hundreds of pages dripping with the wizardly wisdom of Gandalf and from the kind of movie in which [[Orlando Bloom]] defiantly flexes his delicate jaw at thousands of computer-generated orcs. In fact it would have been ever better if C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien could have strangled each other, so that we could also have been saved from the ''[[The Chronicles of Narnia|Chronicles of Narnia]]''.
** '[[Harry Potter (series)|Harry Potter]] Envy', on bestsellers

* '''[[Steven Spielberg|Spielberg]] had done his best with ''[[Schindler's List]]'', but his best left some of us wondering just how useful a contribution it was, to make a movie about how some of the Jews had survived, when the real story was about all the Jews who hadn't.'''
** 'Glamourising terror', on ''[[w:The Baader Meinhof Complex|The Baader-Meinhof Complex]]''.

== Poems and song lyrics ==
* From 'What Happened to Auden'
::''His later manner leaves your neck-hair flat,''
::''Not standing up as [[A. E. Housman|Housman]] said it should''
::''When poetry has been achieved. For that,''
::''In old age Auden simply grew too good.''

* From 'The Book of My Enemy Has Been Remaindered'
::''Soon now a book of mine could be remaindered also,''
::''Though not to the monumental extent''
::''In which the chastisement of remaindering has been meted out''
::''To the book of my enemy,''
::''Since in the case of my own book it will be due''
::''To a miscalculated print run, a marketing error -''
::''Nothing to do with merit.''

* From 'We Being Ghosts'
::''Well, good to see you. Sorry I have to fly.''
::''I'm struggling with a deadline, God knows why,''
::''And ghosts keep interrupting. Think of me''
::''The way I do of you. Quite often. Constantly.'' 

* From 'Windows Is Shutting Down'
::''Windows is shutting down, and grammar are''
::''On their last leg. So what am we to do?''
::''A letter of complaint go just so far,''
::''Proving the only one in step are you.''

::''Better, perhaps, to simply let it goes.''
::''A sentence have to be screwed pretty bad''
::''Before they gets to where you doesn't knows''
::''The meaning what it must have meant to had.''

* From 'Anniversary Serenade'
::''The ring is closed. The rolling dice we cast''
::''So long ago still roll, but not so fast.''
::''The colours fade that we nailed to the mast.''
::''We lose the future but we own the past.''
::''We own the past?''
::''From our first kiss, a lifetime to the last.''

* From &quot;Payday Evening&quot; (sung by Pete Atkin on ''The Road of Silk'' 1974)
::''Outside the junkie tries to sell his girl''
::''Her face has just begun to come apart''
::''Look hard and you can see the edges curl''
::''Speed has got her beaten at the start''

* From the same song
::''In midnight voices softer than a dove's''
::''We shall speak superbly''
::''Of our lost loves''

* From &quot;Beware of the Beautiful Stranger&quot;. title song of 1970 album, sung by Pete Atkin.

::''&quot;You live in a dream and the dream is a cage&quot;''
::''Said the girl &quot;And the bars nestle closer with age''
::''Your shadow burned white by invisible fire''
::''You will learn how it rankles to die of desire''
::''As you long for the beautiful stranger&quot;''
::''Said the vanishing beautiful stranger''

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.clivejames.com Clive James' website]
* Pete Atkin [http://www.peteatkin.com/disworks.htm web page] with many more lyrics.

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      <text bytes="9999" sha1="07bag4aru3a6lxltkc7jd9iwogdnbbl" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Judy Garland in Till the Clouds Roll By 1 cropped.jpg|thumb|right| Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.]]
[[File:Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz trailer 2.jpg|thumb|right|I was born at the age of twelve on a Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer lot.]]
'''[[w:Judy Garland|Judy Garland]]''' (born '''Frances Ethel Gumm'''; [[10 June]] [[1922]] – [[22 June]] [[1969]]) was an American film actress, singer and dancer. She is one the [[w:American Film Institute|AFI]]'s Ten [[w:AFI's 100 Years...100 Stars|Greatest Female Stars]] of [[w:Cinema of the United States|American Cinema]].

== Quotes ==
[[File:Till the clouds roll by-judy garland.jpg|thumb|right|I've never looked through a keyhole without finding someone was looking back.]]
[[File:Judy Garland Over the Rainbow 2.jpg|thumb|right|As for my feelings toward &quot;[[w:Over the Rainbow|Over the Rainbow]]&quot;, it's become part of my life. It is so symbolic of all dreams and wishes…]]

===40s===
* '''When you get to know a lot of people, you make a great discovery. You find that no one group has a monopoly on looks, brains, goodness or anything else. It takes all the people - black and white, Catholic, Jewish and Protestant, recent immigrants and Mayflower descendants - to make up America..'''
** Speaking for America, Scholastic Magazines (1946)

===50s===
* '''I was born at the age of twelve on a Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer lot.'''
** As quoted in ''The Observer'' (18 February 1951)

===60s===
* '''You are never so ''alone'' as when you are ill on stage.''' The most nightmarish feeling in the world is suddenly to feel like throwing up in front of four thousand people.
** ''LIFE'' magazine (2 June 1961)

* '''I've never looked through a keyhole without finding someone was looking back.'''
**  Interview, NBC TV (16 March 1961)

* I'm just an Irish biddy.
** Press Conference, Sydney Australia (18 May 1964)

* Go and tell that nasty, rude little princess that we've known each other for long enough and gabbed enough in ladies' rooms that she should skip the ho-hum royal routine and just pop over here and ask me herself. … Tell her I'll sing if she christens a ship first.
** Garland's annoyed response to a note from Princess Margaret &quot;commanding&quot; her to sing at a party in 1965, as quoted in ''Princess Margaret : A Biography'' (1977) by Theo Aronson

*They were little drunks. They got smashed every night and the police used to scoop them up in butterfly nets.
**1967 as reported 8 February 2017 [https://www.theguardian.com/film/2017/feb/08/judy-garland-allegedly-sexually-harassed-by-munchkins-on-wizard-of-oz-set?CMP=gu_com here] in Guardian article by Catherine Shoard

===70s===
* '''Wouldn`t it be wonderful if we could all be a little more gentle with each other, and a little more loving, have a little more empathy, and maybe we'd like each other a little bit more.'''
** As quoted in ''Little Girl Lost'' (1974) by Al DiOrio, p. 9

* I wanted to believe, and I tried my damnedest to believe, in the rainbow I tried to get over, and I couldn't! … So what? Lots of people can't!
** As quoted in ''Judy'' (1974) by Gerold Frank, p. 566

===90s===
* As for my feelings toward &quot;[[w:Over the Rainbow|Over the Rainbow]]&quot;, it's become part of my life. It is so symbolic of all dreams and wishes that I'm sure that's why people sometimes get tears in their eyes when they hear it.
** Letter to [[w:Harold Arlen|Harold Arlen]], as quoted in ''Over the Rainbow : The Wizard of Oz as a Secular Myth of America'' (1991) by Paul Nathanson, p. 340

* '''Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.'''
** As quoted in ''Business Etiquette for the Nineties : Your Ticket to Career Success'' (1992) by Lou Kennedy, p. 8

== Quotes about Garland ==

* '''I wish you would mention the joy she had for life, that’s what she gave me.''' If she was the tragic figure they say she was, I would be a wreck, wouldn't I? '''It was her love of life that carried her through everything. The middle of the road was never for her — it bored her. She wanted the pinnacle of excitement.''' If she was happy, she wasn’t just happy, she was ecstatic. And when she was sad, she was sadder then anyone. She lived eight lives in one, and yet I thought she would outlive us all. She was a great star, and a great talent, and for the rest of my life I will be proud to be Judy Garland's daughter. It wasn’t suicide, it wasn’t sleeping pills, it wasn’t cirrhosis. I think she was just tired, like a flower that blooms and gives joy and beauty to the world and then wilts away.
** [[Liza Minnelli]], as quoted in ''Little Girl Lost'' (1974) by Al DiOrio

* Liza Minnelli said she can't sing well enough those &quot;special songs&quot; of her late mother, Judy Garland, so she doesn't sing them at all. The award-winning entertainer said she'd &quot;'''rather present a first-rate version of myself than a second-rate version of Mama.'''&quot;
** As paraphrased and quoted in [https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=S8cxAAAAIBAJ&amp;sjid=PIYDAAAAIBAJ&amp;pg=6062%2C6382171 &quot;News Spotlight,&quot;] ''The Kingsport Daily News'' (December 11, 1974), p. 9

* I couldn't sing Mama's special songs. I couldn't do them as well. '''I would rather present a first-rate version of myself than a second-rate version of Mama.'''
** Liza Minnelli, as quoted in ''I Remember It Well'' (1975) by [[w:Vincente Minnelli]] with Hector Arce, [https://books.google.com/books?id=D6jDtmiJCpkC&amp;q=minnelli+%22second-rate%22+%22first-rate+version%22&amp;dq=minnelli+%22second-rate%22+%22first-rate+version%22&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0CCoQ6AEwBGoVChMI0on3sqjdxgIVxHg-Ch1NhwVD p. 395]; and reprinted in [https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=CfpjAAAAIBAJ&amp;sjid=WuYDAAAAIBAJ&amp;pg=7188%2C5401411 &quot;Judy and Liza, Part 3&quot;] by Vincente Minnelli, in ''The Sydney Herald'' (August 15, 1975), p. 8

* I don't sing them because I couldn't sing them as well as she did. '''I'd rather be a first-rate version of myself than a second-rate version of anybody.'''
** Liza Minnelli, interviewed by [[w:Gene Shalit|Gene Shalit]] in the September 1977 issue of ''[[w:The Ladies Home Journal|The Ladies Home Journal]]'', as quoted in [https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=yXMjAAAAIBAJ&amp;sjid=a2cEAAAAIBAJ&amp;pg=5851%2C3647577 &quot;Women in the News,&quot;] in ''The Sarasota Herald-Tribune'' (August 24, 1977), p. 6-D

* I'm carrying on a tradition. '''But I'd rather be a first-rate version of myself than a second-rate version of somebody else.''' I'm proud of my parents, and the only way that I can prove it to them is to take what they gave me and work my head off.
** Liza Minnelli, as quoted in [https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=5_4xAAAAIBAJ&amp;sjid=zYYDAAAAIBAJ&amp;pg=5008%2C323912 &quot;The Return of Liza&quot;] by Wilmer Ames, in ''The Bend Bulletin Family Weekly'' (November 1, 1981), p. 8

* It really scared me to do what Mom did because I never did anything that she did. I promised her that I would never sing her songs, and I kept my promise. &quot;'''You sing them better than anybody. I don't want to be a second-rate example of you. I want to be a first-rate example of myself.'''&quot;
** Liza Minnelli, as quoted in [https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=rmRGAAAAIBAJ&amp;sjid=6ugMAAAAIBAJ&amp;pg=3577%2C2269544 &quot;Liza Minnelli 'Never Felt Better' Despite Tabloids' Whispers&quot;] by Douglas J. Rowe, in ''TV Plus: The Schenectady Sunday Gazette Supplement'' (June 9, 1996), p. 4

* My mother once told me '''never be a second-rate version of somebody else when you can be a first-rate version of yourself.'''
** &quot;[G]racefully handl[ing] audience demands for 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow,'&quot; as quoted in [https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=LQY1AAAAIBAJ&amp;sjid=QE8KAAAAIBAJ&amp;pg=3215%2C676019 &quot;Coy Minnelli wows spirited audience; UM announces MCA construction&quot;] by Alicia Amstead, in ''The Bangor Daily News'' (September 18, 2006), p. A10

* '''My mom was a phoenix who always expected to rise again from the ashes of her latest disaster. And in spite of her self-doubts, she had a very strong sense of who she was.''' She had a sense of self-worth. She loved being Judy Garland. Did she secretly long to be Frances Gumm? Somebody, Minnesota housewife? Are you kidding? She'd have run off with a vaudeville troupe just the way my grandfather did.
** [[w:Lorna Luft|Lorna Luft]], in ''Me and My Shadows : A Family Memoir'' (1999), p. 222
** Also paraphrased as: &quot;My mother was a phoenix who always expected to rise from the ashes of her latest disaster. She loved being Judy Garland.&quot;

* I really hadn't intended on becoming a professional musician, but that isn't to say that I didn't have the dreams of being a Judy Garland in some sort of wonderful musical where this music came out of nowhere; things like that.
** [[w:Maura O'Connell|Maura O'Connell]], quoted in [http://www.dirtynelson.com/linen/feature/38maura.html &quot;Maura O'Connell&quot; by Denise Sofranko in ''Dirty Linen'' #38 (February/March 1992)]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Commons|Judy Garland}}
*{{imdb name | id=0000023 | name=Judy Garland}}
* [http://www.thejudygarlandpage.com The Judy Garland Page]
* [http://www.jgdb.com The Judy Garland Database]
* [http://www.classicactresses.com/judy.html Judy Garland at Classic Actresses]
*[http://www.judygarlandclub.org The Judy Garland Club: established 1963; official international Club supported by Judy during her lifetime]
*[http://www.thejudyroom.com The Judy Room]
*[http://www.triviatribute.com/judygarland.html TV and Movie Trivia Tribute: Judy Garland]

 
{{DEFAULTSORT:Garland, Judy}}
[[Category:1922 births]]
[[Category:1969 deaths]]
[[Category:Actresses from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Singers from the United States]]
[[Category:Women singers]]
[[Category:Dancers from the United States]]
[[Category:Radio personalities]]
[[Category:Episcopalians from the United States]]
[[Category:Tony Award winners]]
[[Category:Women born in the 1920s]]
[[Category:Grammy Award winners]]
[[Category:Best Musical or Comedy Actress Golden Globe (film) winners]]</text>
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    <title>Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation</title>
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      <text bytes="25716" sha1="h1bdjox9l1l9gblakujq6g8wtto6qaw" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation''''' is an animated film released in [[w:1986 in film|1986]] by [[w:Columbia Pictures|Columbia Pictures]], and made by Canada's [[w:Nelvana|Nelvana Limited]]. In this chronological prequel/commercial sequel, the [[w:Care Bears|Care Bear Family]] goes on their first Caring Mission. For this first one, they try to stop an evil villain named Dark Heart from destroying their Kingdom of Caring, in order to save it and three summer campers named Christy, Dawn and John from his wrath.

:''Directed by [[w:Dale Schott|Dale Schott]]. Produced by [[w:Patrick Loubert|Patrick Loubert]], [[w:Michael Hirsh (producer)|Michael Hirsh]] and [[w:Clive A. Smith|Clive A. Smith]]. Written by [[w:Peter Sauder|Peter Sauder]].''

{{center|'''Come help the Care Bears save the Kingdom of Caring.''' &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Care Bears==
===True Heart Bear===
* ''[after she skydives down to a summer camp on Earth]'' A totem pole?
* ''[going into her Cloud Mobile and beginning to drive Dawn and John to the Kingdom of Caring]'' Thank you. There has to be easier ways of getting around.
* ''[to the audience, as the rest of the Care Bear Family, the campers and even Dark Heart chant &quot;We care!&quot; to help save Christy]'': If you have ever cared, do it now. Help us, tell us you care. Tell your friend next to you that...you care. Tell them how much you care. Tell them again. Say it. Shout it! Help us... ''[joins in the chanting]'' We care.

===Friend Bear===
* Uh, excuse me, Mr. Moose. Are you angry about something? Maybe you wanna talk about it. ''[as the moose charges towards her and partner Secret Bear]'' Maybe not! RUN!
* You don't make much noise, Secret Bear, but when you do- ''[responds to Secret's whispers]'' right again. &quot;A little love does go a long way.&quot; It certainly cured the moose of Dark Heart's influence.

===Cheer Bear ''[singing]''===
* Cousins, kids, every bear! Don't just sit there! Care-care-CARE!

==Care Bear Cousins==
===Playful Heart Monkey===
* Leapfrog! ''[laughing]''

===Noble Heart Horse===
* We must follow him, True Heart, while his evil power is still weak, and defeat him, once and for all!

===Brave Heart Lion===
* Brave Heart to the rescue! CHARGE!

==Great Wishing Star==
* ''[After True Heart and Noble Heart rescue the Cubs from Dark Heart at beginning of film]'' Well done, my little Star and Heart Buddies. Our search is now over. We have found the two creatures whose love and kindness for others is so great that it sets them apart from the rest of the world. From this day forth, because of their great love and caring, these two shall be known as: ''[gives the Bear her star symbol]'' True Heart Bear... ''[gives the Horse his heart symbol]'' and Noble Heart Horse. And, as they have helped and protected the little orphan Cubs, they shall help others to share their feelings and protect everyone from Dark Heart's evil. ''[begins narrating duties]'' And this is how the Care Bear Family began, a long time ago, in the Kingdom of Caring.
* ''[final lines]'' Yes, sir! Everything was back to the way it was. But, as always, it was just a little bit different, a little bit better, and a little bit more special - thanks to the Care Bears, the Care Bear Cousins, and thanks to... ''[laughs, then to audience]'' Well, you all know who you are. I thank my lucky Stars that there are people out there like ''you'' who really do care. You're not afraid to share your feelings - and that, my friends, makes you all world-class '''Care Bear Champs'''!

==Campers==
===Christy===
* Where are those guys? Maybe they ran away without me! Oh, why can't I be good at anything except shooting marbles? Marble champ. So what? Oh, if only I run or swim or do something to be the Camp Champ!

===John===
* Good friends are the real champs, Christy.

==Dark Heart==
===Human===
* ''[inside his secret cave]'' The time is right for me to begin to ruin all that is good and kind in the world. ''[snaps fingers for his magic red sack]'' Staring with these furry defenders of feelings. I will remove them, one by one, and lock them away in their own...special place...for an eternity. ''[turns into a red cloud and cackles evilly]'' With True Heart and Noble Heart busy elsewhere, it's time for me to pay a visit to the rest of the Care Bears. ''[continues laughing, speeds off to Care-a-lot]''
* ''[posing as Caring Meter Reader]'' Howdy. I'm the Caring Meter Reader. I'm here to Read your Caring Meter, and it looks like I arrived just in time. 
* Time for a game of &quot;Disappearing Bears&quot;.
* Keep your kindness and affection to yourselves!
* ''[much to the Bears' and Cousins' surprise]'' Ha, ha! Looking for me?
* There's no escape from me! Well, it's time to put you all where I should have put you in the first place.

===Red Cloud===
* ''[after his defeat against the Care Bear Family]'' You have won today. But ''I'll'' be ''back!''
* ''[inside an outhouse where his secret cave is located; cackling]'' They walked right into my trap! Now that I have the entire Care Bear Family in my power, all the love and kindness in the world will soon be no more! ''[cackles again]''

===Animals===
* ''[as a serpent at beginning of movie]'' Run! Run while you can. No matter where you go, I will find you. You cannot escape me. ''[in sinister voice, after lightning crashes]'' I am Dark Heart.
* ''[as a bullfrog; after True Heart, Dawn and John leave camp to visit Noble Heart]'' Beware, True Heart. Soon I'll be coming for you and the little Cubs. ''[hopping away]'' Ha, ha, ha!
* ''[as a Texas vulture perched in a tree, watching Dawn and John]'' I'll be back for you. ''[screeches away]''
* ''[as a wolf, to Christy]'' Come now. We're wasting time!
* ''[as a American alligator in the Dark]'' I'm shelled be back shortly.

==Dialogue==
:''[First lines]''
:''[A storm, caused by Dark Heart the dragon, is brewing in the sea as True Heart Bear and Noble Heart Horse are sailing with the orphan Cubs]''
:'''True Heart Bear''': Oh, my!
:'''Noble Heart Horse''': He's found us! This storm is all his doing!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The morning of the Care Bear Family's first caring Mission]''
:'''True Heart Bear and Noble Heart Horse''': ''[together]'' Oh!
:'''Noble Heart Horse''': Look!
:'''True Heart Bear''': The Caring Meter! Someone must need our help down on Earth. What'll we do?
:'''Noble Heart Horse''': Why...go and help them! Ooh...hurry, hurry! Wait a minute.
:'''True Heart Bear''': Wait.
:'''Both''': But who's going to look after the Cubs? ''[after Baby Swift Heart giggles, looking at the two]'' I will. One of us has to go...Right. I'll go! ''[thudding at each other]'' Oof!
:'''True Heart Bear''': I'll go this time, Noble Heart. You stay here and look after the Cubs.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[True Heart hears the campers finishing a race with the Camp Champ being the winner]''
:'''Camp Champ''': First back. I win! Ha! John, Dawn and Christy are last again. ''[laughs with other campers]''
:'''Christy''': So what else is new?
:'''Camp Champ''': Ha, ha, ha! You three are last at everything.
:'''Christy''': And you're always first at everything. So what does that make you?
:'''Camp Champ''': Camp Champ, that's what. I can run faster, swim better and hike longer than the three of you put together! But big deal, so can every other kid here. ''[Christy, Dawn and John groan]'' Let me give you some advice: if you can't keep up, leave. ''[to his three opponents]'' Uh...after you do the trash duty. Ha, ha ha!
:''[Others laugh with him as he leaves Christy and company]''
:'''Christy''': I wish that just once, I could be Camp Champ! I hate being last and I hate being here!
:'''Dawn''': So do we, Christy. We can't swim. We can't paddle a boat...He's right. We'll always be last.
:'''John''': And we'll always be doing trash duty.
:'''Dawn''': And all the camp laundry.
:'''Christy''': Well, not me. Not anymore! ''[walking away from her fellow campers]'' I'm going to do something about it!
:'''True Heart Bear''': ''[disguised as a hawk from the totem]'': That's the way, Christy.
:'''John''': What are you-
:'''Dawn''': -going to do?
:'''Christy''': I'm going to...run away!
:'''True Heart Bear''': Run away?! No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Trying to run away from camp along with Christy, Dawn and John get lost in the nearby woods]''
:'''Dawn''': I'm sure this is the way, John.
:'''John''': It will probably lead you right back here.
:'''Great Wishing Star''': Well, it seems John and Dawn are having problems of their own.
:''[Dawn heads down the path she pointed to only to come back to John through another path]''
:'''John''': ...See what I mean? We're lost! We can't even run away right.
:'''Dawn''': ''[sighs]'' Yeah, we're the first to get lost and the last at everything else.
:'''True Heart Bear''': ''[appears to them]'' This is the path back to camp...if you wanna take it.
:'''Dawn''': Who are you?
:'''John''': ''What'' are you?
:'''True Heart Bear''': My name is True Heart. I'm a friend. I've come to help you find your way back to camp.
:'''Dawn and John''': ''For''get it!
:'''John''': We're not coming back to camp.
:'''Dawn and John''': EVER!
:'''True Heart Bear''': Running away from a problem never solved it. You two are just too worried about the things you can't do. Maybe you should think about all the things you ''can'' do.
:'''John''': Like what?
:'''Dawn''': We can't do anything.
:'''True Heart Bear''': That's not true. For starters, everyone can share their feelings.
:'''Dawn''': Huh! Nobody wants to share anything with us.
:'''John''': We're just LOSERS!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Dawn and John arrive in the Kingdom of Caring, before babysitting the orphan Cubs]''
:'''John''': ''[holding Swift Heart]'' What's that?
:'''True Heart Bear''': It's our Caring Meter. It lets us know when something is affecting the level of caring on Earth.
:'''Noble Heart Horse''': This time, it might be...Dark Heart.
:'''Dawn''': Dark Heart? Who's Dark Heart?
:'''Noble Heart Horse''': Let's hope you never have to find out!
:'''True Heart Bear''': If it ''is'' Dark Heart, it'll take both of us! ''[kindly]'' Could you watch over the little Cubs while we're gone?
:'''Dawn''': ''[after she and John look at the Cubs]'' Uh...I think so.
:'''John''': Sure.
:'''Noble Heart Horse''': ''[as he and True Heart leave]'' We know you can do it. Good luck.
:''[No sooner does he close the door than Swift Heart and the other Cubs start crying]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Back on Earth, Christy is sitting on a log lost in the woods]''
:'''Great Wishing Star''': ''[narrating]'' Meanwhile, Christy was lost in the woods and was about to need more help than anyone could've guessed.
:'''Christy''': Where are those guys? Maybe they ran away with me. Oh, why can't I be good at anything except shooting marbles ''[flings a marble that hits a tree, rock, then leaf and lands in her hand]'' Marble Champ. ''[catches the leaf]'' So what? ''[sighs]'' If only I could run, or swim, or do something to be the Camp Champ. ''[Dark Heart looks as a weasel then jumps in a bush causing Christy to gasp]'' John? Dawn?
:'''Dark Heart''': ''[appears as a human boy]'' Hey. What do you know? The Camp Champ.
:'''Christy''': Me?
:'''Dark Heart''': Yeah, sure. You are the Camp Champ, ain't you?
:'''Christy''': No...I'm not.
:'''Dark Heart''': Well, you sure could've fooled me.
:'''Christy''': Who are you?
:'''Dark Heart''': Well, I'm from the camp on the other side of the river. Say! You wouldn't want to be the Camp Champ, would ya? I could fix it for you. What do you say?
:'''Christy''': Well, I don't know.
:'''Dark Heart''': There's only one catch, though.
:'''Christy''': I knew it was too good to be true.
:'''Dark Heart''': Not so fast. It's no big deal. Sometime I'll drop by and ask you to return a favor. And you just...do it. No questions asked. What do you say?
:'''Christy''': Ah, you can't make me Camp Champ.
:'''Dark Heart''': Oh, no? 
:'''Christy''': Sure! Okay! You got a deal. Now go ahead and make me Camp Champ.
:'''Dark Heart''': A favor now...for a favor later. ''[snaps fingers magically]'' Done! Do a cartwheel.
:'''Christy''': A cartwheel? I can't do a cart-
:'''Dark Heart''': Just ''do'' it!
:''[Christy gasps at the demand, but succeeds in doing the cartwheel anyway]''
:'''Christy''': I did it! I did it! You were telling the truth!
:'''Dark Heart''': Cartwheels are nothing. Now you can race, swim, paddle...
:'''Christy''': I ''am'' going to be the Camp Champ!
:'''Dark Heart''': Just remember: When I come back, you owe me a favor. And I ''will'' be back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Before Dark Heart ruins party preparations for the Care Bear Family]''
:'''Harmony Bear''': This is going to be a wonderful party, Tenderheart.
:'''Tenderheart Bear''' ''[tasting punch and slurping it]'': You said it, Harmony Bear. Noble Heart and True Heart will really be surprised.
:'''Grumpy Bear''': Not if they get back before we're finished setting it all up!
:'''Tenderheart Bear''': We'll have lots of time to spare, Grumpy Bear. Actually, everything's ready now.
:'''Grumpy Bear''': ''[as another one of him is carrying a long loaf of bread]'' Huh! That's because I've been doing double duty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After True Heart and Noble Heart have left the Kingdom of Caring, along with some others in the Care Bear Family]''
:'''Grumpy Bear''': Boy, am I bushed! Where's everyone else, Tenderheart?
:'''Tenderheart Bear''': I'm not sure, Grumpy Bear. We sent them off this morning to help some people, and they haven't come back.
:'''Wish Bear''': Neither are any of the others that went after them.
:'''Grumpy Bear''': I hope they're all right.
:'''Wish Bear''': ''[hearing Christy's scream for help]'' Oh, no! More trouble! Someone needs our help!
:'''Tenderheart Bear''': You and Cheer Bear'll hold the fort, Wish Bear. You're up to this one, Grumpy?
:'''Grumpy Bear''': Let's go!
:''[He and Tenderheart then leave while Wish Bear watches worriedly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Christy rescues him from drowning]''
:'''Dark Heart''': You...you saved me. Why?
:'''Christy''': Good or bad, you're still a person...or whatever you are.
:'''Dark Heart''': Huh? If you knew what was good for you, you would've left me.
:'''Christy''': That's what ''you'' would've done...Maybe that's the only difference between us.
:''[With a magic snap of his fingers, Dark Heart takes Christy to the other side of the lake]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the conference inside the Hall of Hearts]''
:'''Tenderheart Bear''': So...this is all of us that are left.
:'''Harmony Bear''': Oh my, oh dear! What can we do? We were so many...now we're so very few.
:'''Brave Heart Lion''': Well, we can't just stop helping people, Harmony Bear! I mean, we just can't stop caring!
:'''Tenderheart Bear''': Brave Heart's right. And Dark Heart knows it too. Each time we go to help someone in trouble, that someone could be Christy setting another trap.
:'''Grumpy Bear''': But what about Noble Heart and True Heart?
:'''Tenderheart Bear''': I don't know, Grumpy. But what we do know is that we can't wait for them to come back. This is up to us! If we lose, there'll be nothing left.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[While Tenderheart and Brave Heart enter Dark Heart's cave, the Star Buddy lights up above the camp outhouse to show that both have gone in]''
:'''Bright Heart Raccoon''': There's Brave Heart's signal. So do you two know what you have to do?
:'''Dawn''': Leave Christy to us.
:'''John''': You help the others.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[True Heart and Noble Heart try to stare away Dark Heart]''
:'''True Heart Bear''': Noble Heart, look! It's not Dark Heart at all.
:'''Noble Heart Horse''': It's...It's, his shadow.
:'''True Heart Bear''': We've been tricked into leaving the Care Bears and the Care Bear Cousins all alone!
:'''Noble Heart Horse''': Hurry! We have to get back and hope we're not too late!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Bears and Cousins get trapped into cages, thanks to their villain]''
:'''Dark Heart''': Ha ha ha! Now I've got you all!
:'''Brave Heart Lion''': You can't keep us in here, Dark Heart!
:'''Dark Heart''': Oh, but I don't intend to. I have a special place all set. ''[yawns]'' But that won't keep until after I've rested.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Shortly after Dark Heart has hiccuped into different creatures in the distance, slinking away]''
:'''Bedtime Bear''': Now we're all here!
:'''Tenderheart Bear''': That's the plan, Bedtime Bear. We wanted to get caught. We're strongest when we're all together, so now we can make a unified stand against Dark Heart. ''[whistles to Star and Heart Buddies]''
:'''Brave Heart Lion''': Hurry, little Star Buddy. We don't have much time!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Christy is throwing stones at the lake when her friends Dawn and John come by]''
:'''Dawn''': Christy?
:'''Christy''': ''[sighs]'' John? Dawn? Oh, what are you doing here? Run away before he gets you too!
:'''Dawn''': No, Christy. We're staying!
:'''John''': We're gonna help.
:'''Dawn''': We can make things go back to just the way they were before Dark Heart came here.
:''[Christy goes away from them, over to the lake's edge]''
:'''Christy''' ''[turning to Dawn and John]'': Since I've been Camp Champ, I've never made you do trash duty, or push you in the mud. Well, no one laughs at you anymore when you trip or fall on your face...I won't let 'em! Oh, I can't go back to being a nobody...not now!
:'''Dawn''': You were never a nobody, Christy.
:'''John''': You were always good at being ''our'' friend.
:'''Dawn''': And a ''friend'' is the most special person in the world.
:'''Christy''': ''[grunts and gets away from them again]'' I made a bargain with him. I had to keep my part of it. Oh, it's too late! The damage has been done!
:'''Dawn''': All right. You've paid him back. Now you have to stop him from hurting all the others.
:'''John''': It's time you start thinking of them...of your friends. ''[giving Christy her marble]'' You were always the marble champ, Christy, and that you did all by yourself. ''[leaves with Dawn]''
:'''Christy''': ''[looks at the marble, then at her friends]'' Dawn! John! Wait for me!
:''[She joins the other two campers in order to stop Dark Heart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dark Heart the human has imprisoned the Bears and Cousins in his secret [[w:chandelier|chandelier]], just as the three campers arrive to stop him]''
:'''Christy''': What did you do to them?
:'''Dark Heart''': Well, well, if it isn't the Camp...''Champ''!
:'''Christy''': Where are they, Dark Heart?
:'''Dark Heart''': The Bears? Their Cousins? Why, I've created my most ''prized'' treasure. ''[after he snaps his fingers, the three campers scream as the chandelier comes towards them; laughing]'' Hah! A chandelier of ''frozen'' feelings. Take a look—all of your friends frozen in my crystal...
:'''Christy''': NO!
:'''Dark Heart''': ...prison. All that feeling and love's right where it should be...trapped forever! 
:'''Dark Heart''': Ha ha ha!
:'''Christy''': You can't do this. I won't let you!
:'''Dark Heart''': But you made it all possible. Now, like this camp, everything I touch will be drained of goodness...and ''kind''ness!
:'''True Heart Bear''': ''[appears with Noble Heart]'' You have to deal with us ''first'', Dark Heart!
:'''Noble Heart Horse''': The time has come to put an end...to your evil trickery.
:'''Dark Heart''': Ah. Noble Heart and True Heart. True and Noble to the very end. I'm glad you came, but you see, you're already too late. Now, you shall join the others and leave me to do as I will! ''[transforms into the red cloud and laughs]''
:'''Christy''': ''[running to True Heart and Noble Heart]'' No! Stop.
:'''Noble Heart Horse''': Christy! Move out of the way!
:'''Dark Heart''': Christy, do as he says.
:'''Christy''': No. I won't let you do this! Free the others!
:'''Dark Heart''': We have concluded our bargain. I'm allowing you to leave. Now go!
:'''Christy''': I know you don't want to do this!
:'''Dark Heart''': Leave us, or I'll take back all that I have given you. ''[seeing Christy refuse to take heed]'' So be it! ''[thunder cracks]'' You are back to the way you were: a loser!
:'''Christy''': Okay...so what? I helped you do this. And I'm gonna help stop you!
:'''Dark Heart''': You saved my life, Christy! Now run and save yourself! Go.......!
:''[Wind carries Christy away and thunder rumbles, Christy screams, Falls, slides across the floor and bumps into a bag of coins and jewels, she groans]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dark Heart transforms into his human self for the last time, after having frozen Christy with his lightning as the red cloud]''
:'''Dark Heart''': Help me, Care Bears.
:'''Noble Heart Horse''': Oh. ''[steps over to Christy and gets stung after touching her]''
:''[Some of the Bears nearby gasped]''
:'''Dark Heart''': You must bring this child back from where I've sent her!
:'''Noble Heart Horse and True Heart Bear''': ''[tearfully]'' We...we can't.
:'''Noble Heart Horse''': It would take more love and...caring than even we have...all put together.
:'''Dark Heart''': No! You've...got to do something. What good is all your love...your caring...if it cannot...save this child? If you can't help...who...can?
:'''Dawn''': We care! We all really care! There have to be other people who care as much as we do, people somewhere...anywhere.
:'''True Heart Bear''': If all of us...and everyone, everywhere, all cared together, it just might be enough to save Christy.
:'''Noble Heart Horse''': Everyone hold hands, and together, open your hearts, and your ears, and listen real hard for the voice of those who care!
:'''Cheer Bear''': We care...We care.
:''[Everyone starts chanting &quot;We care!]''
:'''True Heart Bear:''' ''[to the audience]'' If you have ever cared, do it now. Help us, tell us you care. Tell your friend next to you that...you care. Tell them how much you care. Tell them again. Say it. Shout it! Help us... ''[joins in the chanting]'' We care.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Escaping from the secret cave-turned-outhouse, the Care Bear Family and the campers are finding a new friend in Dark Heart]''
:'''Dark Heart''': Thank you.
:'''True Heart Bear''': Thank ''you'' for caring.
:'''Dark Heart''': But-But...I ''did'' care, didn't I? I never really understood why you pulled me out of the river, but I think I do now. ''[hugs Christy]''
:''[The Bears and Cousins cheer]''
:'''Christy''': ''[gasps]'' Your eyes! ''[hands over a mirror to Dark Heart]'' Look!
:'''Dark Heart''': ''[seeing his blue eyes]'' I'm a boy! A real boy!
:'''True Heart Bear''': Your evil left you when you realized how much you really cared.
:'''Dark Heart''': ''[dancing with Christy]'': Whoopee! I'm a boy - I can jump! I can run! I can turn cartwheels!...Whoa! ''[laughs]''
:''[The others join him]''
:'''Christy''': Don't worry. We can learn together.
:'''Grumpy Bear''': ''[to the others]'': Hey, come on!
:''[The campers, the new Dark Heart, and the other Bears and Cousins come along with him to bathe in the lake]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The following evening, the campers and the former Dark Heart (now &quot;The Boy&quot;) say good-bye to the Care Bear Family]''
:'''The Boy''': This camp is the greatest place to be. I'm gonna see what I can do about staying here, and helping to make sure that everyone's a Camp Champ.
:'''Christy''': Just remember: everybody's already a Champ, because no matter who they are, they're friends.
:''[Other campers around a campfire laugh happily in the distance. The Boy and his new camper friends walk along and join them]''

==Voice cast==
(in order of appearance)
{| class=&quot;wikitable&quot;
|-
!align=&quot;left&quot;|Voice
!align=&quot;left&quot;|Role(s)
|-
| [[w:Hadley Kay|Hadley Kay]] || Dark Heart / &quot;The Boy&quot;
|-
| [[w:Chris Wiggins|Chris Wiggins]] || Great Wishing Star
|-
| [[w:Cree Summer Francks|Cree Summer]] || Christy
|-
| [[w:Alyson Court|Alyson Court]] || Dawn
|-
| [[w:Michael Fantini|Michael Fantini]] || John
|-
| Sunny Besen Thrasher || Camp Champ
|-
| [[w:Maxine Miller|Maxine Miller]] || True Heart Bear
|-
| [[w:Pam Hyatt|Pam Hyatt]] || Noble Heart Horse
|-
| [[w:Dan Hennessey|Dan Hennessey]] || Brave Heart Lion
|-
| [[w:Billie Mae Richards|Billie Mae Richards]] || Tenderheart Bear
|-
| [[w:Eva Almos|Eva Almos]] || Friend Bear
|-
| [[w:Bob Dermer|Bob Dermer]] || Grumpy Bear
|-
| Patricia Black || Funshine Bear / Share Bear
|-
| [[w:Nonnie Griffin|Nonnie Griffin]] || Harmony Bear
|-
| [[w:Jim Henshaw|Jim Henshaw]] || Bright Heart Raccoon
|-
| [[w:Melleny Brown|Melleny Brown]] || Cheer Bear
|-
| [[w:Janet-Laine Green|Janet-Laine Green]] || Wish Bear
|-
| [[Marla Lukofsky]] || Playful Heart Monkey
|-
| Gloria Figura || Bedtime Bear
|}
&lt;!-- Patricia Black - Share Bear --&gt;

==Languages==

Hungary : March 5.2011 ( Gondos Bocsok 2 - Az új generáció )

==Taglines==
*''Come help the Care Bears save the Kingdom of Caring.''
*''It's a Whole New Adventure.''

==See also==
*''[[The Care Bears Movie]]''
*''[[The Care Bears (TV series)]]''
*''[[My Little Pony: The Movie]]''
*''[[Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title|id=090799|title=Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=care_bears_movie_2_a_new_generation}}
[[Category:1986 animated films]]
[[Category:1986 American animated films]]
[[Category:1980s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Works based on the Faust legend]]
[[Category:Animated films about bears]]
[[Category:Films based on toys]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996 film)</title>
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      <text bytes="46582" sha1="86m3vftvevveyze6fwh2tx0a32984r6" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Cosplay of Claude Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame at Japan Expo 2019 (48434803271).jpg|thumb|And he shall smite the wicked, and plunge them into the fiery pit!]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996 film)|The Hunchback of Notre Dame]]''''' is a [[w:1996 in film|1996]] Disney animated film loosely based on [[Victor Hugo]]'s classic [[w:The Hunchback of Notre Dame|1831 novel of the same name]]. It's released by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Feature Animation]] and distributed by [[w:Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures|Buena Vista Pictures Distribution, Inc.]]
:''Directed by [[w:Gary Trousdale|Gary Trousdale]] and [[w:Kirk Wise|Kirk Wise]]. Written by [[w:Tab Murphy|Tab Murphy]], [[w:Irene Mecchi|Irene Mecchi]], [[w:Bob Tzudiker|Bob Tzudiker]], [[w:Noni White|Noni White]], [[w:Jonathan Roberts (writer)|Jonathan Roberts]] and based on [[Victor Hugo]]'s classic [[w:The Hunchback of Notre Dame|1831 novel of the same name]]. Songs by [[w:Alan Menken|Alan Menken]] and [[w:Stephen Schwartz (composer)|Stephen Schwartz]]. Score Produced by Alan Menken.''
{{center|'''Join the Party June 21st!'''}}

== Quasimodo ==
* If I picked a day to fly, oh, this would be it! The Festival of Fools! It will be fun. The jugglers, and music, and dancing...
* Thanks for the encouragement. But you're all forgetting one big thing. ''['''Gargoyles:''' What?]'' My master, Frollo.
* I'm sorry, master. I will never disobey you again.
* At sunset, I ring the evening mass, and after that, I clean the cloisters, and then I ring the vespers, and-- ''[Esmerelda kisses him on the cheek]'' Whatever's good for you.
* Look. I appreciate what you're all trying to do, but let's not fool ourselves. Ugliest face in all Paris, remember? I don't think I'm her type.
* What? What am I supposed to do? Go out there and rescue the girl from the-from the jaws of death, and the whole town will cheer like I'm some kind of a hero?! She already has her knight in shining armor, and it's not me! ''[sighs]'' Frollo was right. Frollo was right about everything. I'm tired of trying to be something that I'm not.
* We've done it, Esmeralda! We've beaten them back! Come and see!
* ''[to Frollo; angrily and losing patience]'' No! ''You'' listen! All my life, you've told me the world is a dark, cruel place! But now I see that the only thing dark and cruel about it is people like ''you!''

== Judge Claude Frollo ==
* Stanley Yelnats and his family must die!
* I am a public official. I ''must'' go. But I don't enjoy a moment. Thieves and hustlers and the dregs of humankind, all mixed together in a shallow, drunken stupor.
* You are forgiven. But remember, Quasimodo, ''this'' is your sanctuary.
* ''[while watching Stanley Yelnats IV suffer]'' In a moment, captain. A lesson needs to be learned here.
* Mark my words, Gypsy. You will pay for this insolence.
* But, how? I... never mind! Get out, you idiot! I'll find her. I'll find her if I have to ''burn down all of Paris!''
* Burn it! ''['''Phoebus:''' What?!]'' Until it smolders. These people are traitors and must be made examples of.
* The sentence for insubordination is death. Such a pity. You threw away a promising career.
* Don't waste your arrows. Let the traitor rot in his watery grave! Find the girl! If you have to burn the city to the ground, so be it!
* ''[after realizing that Esmeralda is still at large]'' I had the entire cathedral surrounded; guards at every door. There was no way she could've escaped... unless...
* ''[suspicious about Phoebus]'' I think...you're ''hiding'' something. ''['''Quasimodo:''' Oh, no, Master. There's no-]'' You're not eating, boy.
* YOU IDIOT!! THAT WASN'T KINDNESS, IT WAS CUNNING! SHE'S A GYPSY! GYPSIES AREN'T CAPABLE OF REAL LOVE! Think, boy! Think of your mother! ''[calms down]'' But what chance could a poor, misshapen child like you have against her heathen treachery? Well, never you mind, Quasimodo. She will be out of our lives soon enough. I will free you from her evil spell. She will torment you no longer. ''['''Quasimodo:''' What do you mean?]'' I know where her hideout is, and tomorrow at dawn, I attack with a thousand men.
* The prisoner Esmeralda has been accused of the crime of witchcraft. The sentence: death!
* Silence, you old fool! The hunchback and I have unfinished business to attend to. And this time, you will ''not'' interfere.
* ''[upon realizing that Esmeralda had survived]'' She lives!
* I should have known you'd risk your life to save that Gypsy witch, just as your own mother died trying to save you.
* ''[last words]'' And [[w:God in Christianity|he]] shall smite the wicked, and ''plunge'' them into [[w:Hell|the fiery pit]]!

== Hugo ==
* ''[post credits scene]'' Good night, everybody! Wah-ha-hoo!

== [[w:The Hunchback of Notre Dame (soundtrack)|Lyrics]] ==

=== [[w:Topsy Turvy (song)|Topsy Turvy]] ===

* Come one, come all &lt;br /&gt; Close the churches and the schools &lt;br /&gt; It's the day for breaking rules &lt;br /&gt; Come and join the Feast of Fools!

* Every man's a king and every king's a clown &lt;br /&gt; Once again, it's topsy turvy day &lt;br /&gt; It's the day the devil in us gets released &lt;br /&gt; It's the day we mock the prig and shock the priest &lt;br /&gt; Everything is topsy turvy at the Feast of Fools!

* Scurvy knaves are extra scurvy &lt;br /&gt; On the sixth of January &lt;br /&gt; All because it's topsy turvy day &lt;br /&gt; Come one, come all!

* [[Now]]'s the [[time]] we crown the [[King]] of [[Fools]] &lt;br /&gt; You all [[remember]] last year's king? &lt;br /&gt; So make a [[face]] that's [[horrible]] and [[frightening]] &lt;br /&gt; Make a face as gruesome as a gargoyle's wing &lt;br /&gt; For the face that's [[ugliest]] will be the King of Fools!


== Dialogue ==
:[A wipe to a dark night. The Yelnats Family are silently proceeding down the Seine, hoping to avoid detection.]
:'''Clopin:''' Dark was the night if our tale was begun on the docks near Notre Dame...♫                                                     
:'''Stanley Yelnats III:''' We'll be here soon.
:'''Stanley Yelnats II:''' Hope we don't get caught!                               
:'''Tiffany Yelnats:''' You're overreacting!
:'''Clopin:'''♪ ..The Yelnatses slid silently under the docks of notre dame...♫
:'''Boatman:''' Four gilders for safe passage into Paris.
:[A arrow gets shot into the staff the boatman used for the boat, soldiers Surround the Yelnatses]
:'''Clopin:'''♪..But a trap had been laid for the Yelnatses as they gazed up in fear and alarm. At a figure whose clutches were iron as much as the bells...♫
:'''Stanley Yelnats II:''' Judge Claude Frollo!
:'''Clopin:'''♪ ..The bells of Notre Dame. Judge Claude Frollo longed to purge the world of vice and sin. And he saw corruption everywhere, except within.♫
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''''' Bring these Yelnatses to the palace of justice.                                                             
:'''Soldier:''''' ''[to Stanley Yelnats IV]''  You there! What're you hiding?!                                                                
:'''Frollo:''''' Stolen goods, no doubt. Take them from them!
:'''Clopin:''' They ran!
:''[As the Yelnatses trying to escape with their &quot;stolen goods&quot;, Judge Claude Frollo gives chase on his horse. First, Stanley Yelnats II couldn't keep up with the others as he got killed by Frollo and his horse. Stanley Yelnats IV manages to hop over the fence railing, but his mother and father have been caught and murdered by Frollo. Stanley Yelnats was catching his breath, but ran again when he saw Frollo coming. Finally, Frollo captured Stanley and murdered him.]''                                                                  
:'''Frollo:''' ''[Cackles]'' Good horsey.
:''[Snowball proudly looked at Frollo with an evil smile]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Victor:''' Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open.
:'''Hugo:''' Heh-heh, go scare a nun. Hey, Quasi, what's going on out there? A fight? A flogging?
:'''Victor:''' A festival.
:'''Hugo:''' You mean the Feast of Fools?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Aha!
:'''Hugo:''' Alright alright! Pour the wine and cut the cheese.
:'''Victor:''' It is a treat to watch the colorful pageantry of the simple peasant folk.
:'''Hugo:''' Boy, nothing like balcony seats for watching the old F.O.F.
:'''Quasimodo:''' Yeah, watching. ''[Quasimodo leaves, downcast]''
:'''Hugo:''' Ah, look. A mime. ''[Hugo prepares to spit on the mime, Victor stops him and Hugo swallows]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As Quasi nears it, Judge Claude Frollo appears in the doorway suddenly, cutting Quasi short and returning the gargoyles to stone.]''
:'''Frollo:''' Good Morning, Quasimodo.
:'''Quasimodo:''' Ahem, good morning, master.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Dear boy, whomever were you talking to?
:'''Quasimodo:''' My friends.
:'''Frollo:''' I see. ''[he taps Hugo on the head.]'' And what are your friends made of, Quasimodo?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Stone.
:'''Frollo:''' Can stone talk?
:'''Quasimodo:''' No, it can't.
:'''Frollo:''' That's right. You're a smart lad. Now, lunch. ''[upon hearing the word, Quasi goes off and retrieves a table setting a silver chalice and plate for Judge Claude Frollo and a wooden cup and plate for himself.]'' Shall we review your alphabet today?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Oh, yes, Master. I would like that very much.
:'''Frollo:''' Very well. A?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Abomination.
:'''Frollo:''' B?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Blasphemy?
:'''Frollo:''' C?
:'''Quasimodo:''' C-C-Contrition.
:'''Frollo:''' D?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Damnation?
:'''Frollo:''' E?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Eternal damnation.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Good. F?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Festival.
:''[Frollo spits out his drink in shock at the absent-minded and incorrect response.]''
:'''Frollo:''' Excuse me?
:'''Quasimodo:''' F-F-Forgiveness.
:'''Frollo:''' You said...festival.
:'''Quasimodo:''' No!
:'''Frollo:''' You are thinking about going to the festival.
:'''Quasimodo:''' It's just that...you go every year.
:'''Frollo:''' I am a public official; I must go. But I don't enjoy a moment. Thieves and hustlers and the dregs of humankind, all mixed together in a shallow, drunken stupor.
:'''Quasimodo:''' I didn't mean to upset you, master.
:'''Frollo:''' Quasimodo, can't you understand? When your heartless mother abandoned you as a child, anyone else would drowned you. And this my thanks for taking you in and raising you as my son?
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[ashamed]'' I'm sorry, sir.
:'''Frollo:''' Oh, my dear, Quasimodo, you don't know what it's like out there. I do. I do. ♪The world is cruel. The world is wicked. It's I alone whom you can trust in this whole city. I am your onllly friend. I who keep you, teach you, feed you, dress you! I who look upon you without fear. How can I protect boy. Unless you always stay in here. Away in here.♪ Remember, what I taught you, Quasimodo. ♪ You are deformed. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:''' ♪ I am deformed. 🎵 
:'''Frollo:''' ♪And you are ugly. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:'''♪And I am ugly. 🎵
:'''Frollo:''' ♪And these are crimes for which the world shows little pity. You do not comprehend. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:'''♪ You are my one defender. 🎵
:'''Frollo:'''♪Out there they'll revile as a monster. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:''' ♪ I am a monster. 🎵
:'''Frollo:''' ♪Out there they will have and scorn and jeer. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:'''♪Only a monster. 🎵
:'''Frollo:''' ♪Why invite their calumny, and consternation. Stay in here. Be faithful to me. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:''' ♪I'm faithful. 🎵
:'''Frollo:''' ♪Grateful to me. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:''' ♪I'm grateful. 🎵
:'''Frollo:''' ♪Do as I say. Obey. 🎵
:'''Frollo and Quasimodo:''' ♪And stay...in...heeeere!!! 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:''' You are good to me, master. I'm sorry.
:'''Frollo:''' You are forgiven. But remember, Quasimodo, this is your sanctuary. 
:'''Quasimodo:''' My sanctuary! ''[Frollo leaves; someone ad to this.]'' 🎵Safe behind these windows and these parapets of stone. Gazing at the people down below me! All of my life, I watch them as I hide up here alone. Hungry for the histories they show me! All of my life, I memorise of the faces! Knowing them as they will never know me! All of my life, I wonder how it feels to pass the day! Not above them. But part of theeeem! 🎵

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frollo''': You've come to Paris in her darkest hour, Captain. It will take a firm hand to save the weak-minded from being so easily misled.
:'''Phoebus''': Misled, sir?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': Look, Captain. Gypsies. The gypsies live outside normal order. Their heathen ways inflame the people's lowest instincts, and they must be stopped. 
:'''Phoebus''': I was summoned from the wars to capture fortune-tellers and palm-readers?
:'''Frollo:''' Oh, the real war, Captain, is what you see before you. For 20 years, I have been taking care of the gypsies, One. By. One. ''[On each of the last three words, Judge Claude Frollo crushes one of three ants on a tile.]'' And yet, for all of my success, they have thrived! ''[He flips the tile over, revealing scores of ants scurrying around underneath.]'' I believe they have a safe haven, within the walls of this very city. A nest, if you will. They call it the Court of Miracles.
:'''Phoebus:''' What are we going to do about it, sir? ''[Judge Claude Frollo slams the tile back down upside down, crushing the remainder of the ants.]'' You make your point quite vividly, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Referring to Esmeralda, who's dancing at the festival.]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Look at that disgusting display.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[smitten by Esmeralda's beauty]'' Yes, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Oafish Guard:''' You think he's ugly now? Watch this! ''[Throws a tomato at Quasimodo's face, everyone gasps]'' Now, that's ugly!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' You! ''[Points at Esmeralda]'' Gypsy girl! Get down at once!
:'''Esmeralda:''' Yes, your honor. Just as soon as I free this poor creature.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' I forbid it! 
:''[Esmeralda pulls out a knife and cuts the rope tying Quasimodo to the wheel]'' 
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' How dare you defy me? 
:'''Esmeralda:''' You mistreat this poor boy the same way you mistreat my people! You speak of justice, yet you are cruel to those most in need of your help! 
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' '''SILENCE!'''
:'''Esmeralda:''' '''''JUSTICE!'''''
:''[Everyone gasps, Esmeralda helps Quasimodo up]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Mark my words, Gypsy; You will pay for this insolence.
:'''Esmeralda:''' Then it appears we've crowned the wrong fool. ''[picks up King of Fools' crown]'' The only fool I see is YOU! ''[throws it at Judge Claude Frollo's feet; Djali raspberries Judge Claude Frollo]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Captain Phoebus, arrest her.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Find her, captain. I want her alive.
:'''Phoebus:''' Yes, sir. Seat off the area, men! Find the gypsy girl, and do not harm her!
:''[Frollo heads to Quasimodo on his horse and glares at him for his disgrace.]''
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[sadly]'' I'm sorry, master. I will never disobey you again. ''[tearfully walks back into the Notre Dame]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[takes Phoebus' sword]'' You!
:'''Phoebus:''' Easy! Easy! I-I just shaved this morning.
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[points Phoebus' sword at his goatee]'' Oh, really? You missed a spot.
:'''Phoebus:''' Alright, alright, just-just-just calm down. Just give me a chance to apologize.
:'''Esmeralda:''' For what?
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[takes back his sword, and side-sweeps Esmeralda]'' ''That,'' for example.
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[angrily]'' You sneaky son-of-a-
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[interrupting]'' Ah-ah-ah, watch it. We're in a church.
:'''Esmeralda:''' Are you always this charming, or am I just lucky? ''[uses candle-staff]''
:'''Phoebus:''' Ha-ha-ha-ha! Candlelight, privacy, music. Can't think of a better place for hand-to-hand combat. You fight almost as well as a man!
:'''Esmeralda:''' Funny. I was going to say the same thing about ''you!''
:'''Phoebus:''' That's hitting a little below the belt, don't you think?
:'''Esmeralda:''' No. ''This'' is.
:''[Phoebus avoids getting hit in the groin, but gets hit in the mouth by the candle-staff]''
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[blubbers]'' ''Touché.'' ''[gets rammed in the stomach by Djali]'' Oof! I didn't know you had a kid.
:'''Esmeralda:''' Well, he doesn't take to kindly to soldiers.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[painfully]'' Eh! I noticed. ''[normally]'' Permit me. I'm Phoebus. It means &quot;Sun god.&quot; ''[Esmeralda and Djali look at each other, incredulously]'' And you are?
:'''Esmeralda:''' Is this an interrogation?
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[re-sheathes his sword]'' I believe it's called an introduction.
:'''Esmeralda:''' You're not arresting me?
:'''Phoebus:''' Not as long as you're in here. I can't.
:'''Esmeralda:''' Huh. You're not at all like the other soldiers. ''[puts down the candle staff]''
:'''Phoebus:''' Thank you.
:'''Esmeralda:''' So, if you're not going to arrest me, what do you want?
:'''Phoebus:''' I'd settle for your name.
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[smiling]'' Esmeralda.
:'''Phoebus:''' Beautiful. Much better than Phoebus, anyway.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Esmeralda opens the church door to see soldiers outside.]''
:'''Solder:''' Frollo's orders: Post a guard at every door.
:''[Esmeralda slams the door in anger.]''
:'''Esmeralda:''' Don't worry, Djali. If Frollo thinks he can keep us here, he's wrong.
:'''Archdeacon:''' Don't act rashly, my child. You created...quite a stir at the festival. It would be unwise to arouse Frollo's anger further.
:'''Esmeralda:''' You saw what he did out there; letting the crowd torture that poor boy. I thought if just ''one'' person could stand up to him, then- ''[sighs]'' What do they have against people who are different, anyway?
:'''Archdeacon:''' You can't right all of the wrongs of this world by yourself.
:'''Esmeralda:''' Well, no one out there is going to help; that's for sure.
:'''Archdeacon:''' Well, perhaps there's someone in here who can.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%'/&gt;
:''[Esmeralda finishes singing &quot;God Help the Outcasts&quot; in the center of the light from the window. Quasimodo smiles, but he is unexpectedly spotted by a Parishioner, thinking he's going to cause trouble.]''
:'''Parishioner:''' You! Bell Ringer! What are you doing down here? ''[Quasimodo is startled by the Parishioner and accidentally knocks down a candle-staff. Esmeralda and Djali see this, and are shocked at the Parishioner's actions]'' Haven't you caused enough trouble already?
:''[Quasimodo retreats back to the bell tower with Esmeralda and Djali following him from behind, while the Parishioner is scolded by the Archdeacon for making a scene.]''
:'''Esmeralda:''' Wait! I want to talk to you. 
:''[Quasimodo comes out of the top of the staircase with Esmeralda and Djali behind him and the Gargoyles watch them from above.]''
:'''Laverne:''' Look! He's got a friend with him.
:'''Hugo:''' Yeah! Maybe today wasn't a total loss after all.
:'''Victor:''' A vision of loveliness.
:'''Hugo:''' The one in the dress ain't bad either.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Victor:''' You mustn't run too fast, or she'll get away.
:'''Quasimodo:''' I know, uh, that's what I...
:'''Hugo:''' Just give her some slack, then reel her in! Then give her some slack, then reel her in! Then give her some slack- ''[Laverne hits him on the head]''
:'''Laverne:''' Knock it off, Hugo! She's a girl, not a mackerel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[to Quasimodo]'' And a Gypsy. And maybe Frollo's wrong about the both of us.
:''[Unbeknownst to them, the gargoyles are eavesdropping.]''
:'''Hugo:''' What did she say?
:'''Laverne''': Frollo's nose is long and wears a truss.
:'''Hugo:''' Ha! Told ya! Pay up!
:'''Victor:''' Oh, dear. ''[Gives Hugo a coin]''
:'''Hugo:''' Chump.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Quasimodo had just driven Phoebus out of the Cathedral.]''
:'''Hugo:''' Hey-hey! There he is! ''[the gargoyles applaud and cheer Quasimodo]''
:'''Victor:''' Oh, wonderful! Bravo, bravissimo! You ejected that tin-plated buffoon with great panache!
:'''Hugo:''' The nerve of him! Snooping around here trying to steal your girl.
:'''Quasimodo:''' My girl?
:'''Laverne:''' Esmeralda. Dark hair, works with a goat. Remember?
:'''Hugo:''' Boy, I do. Way to go, lover boy!
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[chuckles]'' Lover boy? Oh, no, no.
:'''Laverne:''' Oh, don't be so modest.
:'''Quasimodo:''' Look, I appreciate what you're all trying to do. But let's not fool ourselves. Ugliest face in all Paris, remember? I don't think I'm her type.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Phoebus:''' Good morning, sir. ''[notices Judge Claude Frollo looking a little pale]'' Are you feeling all right?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[after seeing visions of Esmeralda in his fire all night]'' I had a little...trouble with the fireplace.
:'''Phoebus:''' I see. Your orders, sir?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Find the Gypsy girl.
:''[Cut to a bakery. The soldiers kick the door down, and the baker turns in surprise just as he is baking some bread. One soldier throws a shelf complete with it down to the floor. Two more move a barrel while a third removes a rug to reveal a trapdoor. He opens it to reveal a group of gypsies underneath. They are led outside in chains while Judge Claude Frollo holds out a handful of coins in exchange of Esmeralda's whereabouts]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Ten pieces of silver for the gypsy Esmeralda.
:''[The gypsies stay silent, not about to sell out one of their own]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[taking the coins in his hand]'' Lock them up.
:''[Cut to a gypsy wagon on the banks of the Seine. The soldiers push it into the water and the gypsies therein come out, gasping for air. Judge Claude Frollo now holds out twice the amount of coins as before, hoping they will warn him where Esmeralda is]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[trying to keep his cool]'' Twenty pieces of silver for the gypsy, Esmeralda.
:''[Just like the previous gypsies, these ones are not about to betray a fellow gypsy either. Judge Claude Frollo grows even more furious]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Take them away!
:''[Phoebus heaves a furious sigh to himself. He is beginning to question his commanding officer's sense of justice. Cut to a Miller's farm. Esmeralda and Djali, in their old beggar disguise, walks among a crowd gathered before the scene. The entire lot of them are worried about the miller's welfare and Judge Claude Frollo's sanity, or lack thereof]''
:'''Woman:''' Poor Miller. He's never harmed anyone!
:'''Man:''' Frollo's gone mad.
:''[Inside, Judge Claude Frollo is interrogating the Miller, who is pleading for mercy with him]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' We found this gypsy talisman on your property. Have you been harboring gypsies?
:'''Miller:''' Our home is always open to the weary traveler. Have mercy, my Lord.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' I am placing you and your family under house arrest until I get to the bottom of this. If you what you say is true and you are innocent, then you have nothing to fear.
:''[Judge Claude Frollo turns to leave, but the miller yet begs to be spared]''
:'''Miller:''' But we are innocent. I assure you, we know nothing of these gypsies.
:''[Judge Claude Frollo locks a Miller and his family inside their home]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Burn it.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[shocked]'' What?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Until it smolders. ''[holds torch]'' These people are traitors and must be made examples of.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[takes torch]'' With all due respect sir, I was not trained to murder the innocent.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' But you ''were'' trained to follow orders. ''[Phoebus douses the torch in a barrel of water.]'' Insolent coward.
:''[Judge Claude Frollo takes a torch from another soldier and sets fire to the windmill which then sets the house ablaze. Phoebus sees one of the blades falling towards him and rolls out of the road. Then he hears the cries of the miller's wife and children, and dives in through the window. Esmeralda, who is watching the entire fact, becomes shocked, but he kicks down the door, carrying the child and baby, and the miller's family escapes unharmed. The miller takes the older child, and Phoebus hands his wife the baby. Mournfully, soon after, the Brutish Guard brains him with the hilt of his sword and he falls to the ground. The Oafish Guard picks him up. Then Judge Claude Frollo goes over to address the turncoat captain]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' The sentence for insubordination of death. Such a pity. You threw away a promising career.
:'''Phoebus:''' Consider it my highest honor, sir.
:''[Esmeralda, taking care not to be seen, takes her sarong and fashions it into a makeshift slingshot. Just as the Brutish Guard is about to execute Phoebus, she throws a stone at Judge Claude Frollo's horse. It rears in pain, and bucks him away. Phoebus takes this opportunity to knock the Brutish Guard and Oafish Guard out. Then the frightened horse runs away, but Phoebus manages to mount it]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Get him! And don't hit my horse!
:''[The archer guards shoot their arrows at Phoebus. Most of them narrowly miss him, one manages to strike him in the back. He moans in pain, and Esmeralda looks horrified. Then he falls into the river, and the archers continue to shoot at the spot where he fell while she stealthily clings to the bridge]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[raising his hand]'' Don't waste your arrows! Let the traitor rot in his watery grave.
:''[Esmeralda takes off her cloak and continues to watch Judge Claude Frollo and the guards, worried that she is partially to blame for the city's burning]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Find the girl. If you have to burn the city to the ground, so be it!
:''[Esmeralda watches as Judge Claude Frollo and his entourage walk away. The moment he is out of sight, she dives into the river and fishes an unconscious and unarmored Phoebus out, dragging him to shore. Fade to the city streets in front of Notre Dame. Judge Claude Frollo and the soldiers have concluded their search, but have seen neither hide nor hair of Esmeralda or Djali]''
:'''Brutish Guard:''' Sir, we've looked everywhere, and yet no sign of the gypsy girl.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[to himself]'' I had the whole cathedral surrounded. Guards at every door. There was no way she could have escaped. ''[suddenly turns toward the sound of bells]'' Unless...
:''[Paris is in flames while Judge Claude Frollo and the guards are searching for Esmeralda. In the bell tower, Victor and Laverne are upset, looking out.]''
:'''Laverne:''' Oh, it doesn't look good.
:'''Victor:''' It's hopeless. Absolutely hopeless.
:'''Hugo:''' ''[playing cards with a pigeon, not paying attention]'' You're warning me! I'm losing to a ''bird!''
:'''Victor:''' Oh, that poor gypsy girl. I'm beginning to fear the worst.
:'''Laverne:''' I know. But now don't you say anything to upset Quasimodo. He's concerned enough already.
:'''Hugo:''' Yes, you're right. We better lighten up.
:''[At that moment, Quasimodo walks in]''
:'''Victor:''' Shh-shh-shh, here he comes.
:'''Laverne:''' Now just stay calm.
:'''Victor:''' Not a word.
:'''Hugo:''' Easy does it.
:'''Victor:''' Stone-faced.
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[walks to the edge]'' Any sign of her?
:''[Victor, who has been trying to keep a straight face, suddenly begins to tremble and attempts to keep his head]''
:'''Victor:''' ''[cracks under pressure]'' Oh, it's a lost cause! She could be anywhere! In the stocks, in the dungeon, on the rack! Oh, God! ''[breaks down]''
:'''Laverne:''' Nice work, Victor.
:'''Quasimodo:''' No, he's right. What are we gonna do?
:'''Hugo:''' ''[shuffling his cards]'' What are you guys speaking about? ''[draws a Queen, three and Joker card respectively as he speaks]'' If I know Esmeralda, she's three steps ahead of Judge Claude Frollo and well out of harm's road.
:'''Quasimodo:''' Do you really think so?
:'''Hugo:''' ''[takes a bit of bread and a cheese wedge from a plate]'' Hey, if things cool off, she'll be back. You'll see.
:'''Quasimodo:''' What makes you so sure? 
:'''Laverne:''' Because she likes you. ''[to Quasimodo]'' We always said you were the cute one.
:'''Hugo:''' ''[stuffing his mouth with cheese and bread]'' I thought ''I'' was the cute one.
:'''Laverne:''' No, ''you're'' the fat, foolish one with the big mouth.
:'''Hugo:''' ''[looks confused, yet with his mouth complete]'' What are you saying, exactly?
:'''Laverne:''' Take it from us, Quasi. You have nothing to concern about.
:'''Hugo:''' ''[now holding two hot dogs]'' Yeah. You're irresistible.
:'''Victor:''' ''[chuckles]'' Knights in shining armor certainly aren't your type.
:'''Hugo:''' ''[sticks a hot dog on a fork and jumps over to the window]'' And these guys are a dime a dozen. But you, you're one of a kind. Look.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[weakly]'' Esmeralda?
:'''Esmeralda:''' Shh. Shh. Shh. You'll hide here until you're strong enough to move. ''[takes out a bottle of wine]''
:'''Phoebus:''' Great. I could use a drink. ''[Esmeralda carefully pours it over his wound]'' Agh! Yes, hmmm. Feels like a 1470 Burgundy. Not a good year.
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[starts stitching up Phoebus' wound]'' That family owes you their lives. You've got to be either the single bravest soldier I've ever seen, or the craziest.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''Ex''-soldier, remember? ''[winces in pain]'' Why is it, whenever we meet, I end up bleeding?
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[finishes up]'' You're lucky. That arrow almost pierced your heart.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[holds her hand]'' I'm not so sure it didn't. ''[he and Esmeralda kiss, leaving Quasimodo heartbroken]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Esmeralda and Djali leave to the Cathedral. The Gargoyles come back to life]''
:'''Laverne''': Quick, we gotta stash the stiff!
:''[They hurriedly drag Phoebus' body off the bed and underneath the tablewith Quasimodo's models on it. He hurriedly tries to set his modelsstraight as Frollo enters. He feigns surprise]''
:'''Quasimodo''': Oh, master, I didn't think you'd be coming--
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': I'm never too busy to share a meal with you, dear boy. I brought a little treat. ''[as he clears his throat slightly, and Quasimodo realises he hasn't set the table. He rushes off to grab the dishes, and is obviously flustered, dropping and breaking things]'' Is there something troubling you, Quasimodo?
:'''Quasimodo''': No! No!
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': Oh, but there is. I know there is. ''[as he has pulled out a bunch of grapes. One falls to the floor, near Phoebus. Quasimodo cautiously picks it up]'' I think... you're hiding something.
:'''Quasimodo''': Oh, no, master. There's nothing--
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': You're not eating, boy.
:'''Quasimodo''': ''[as he quickly gobbles a handful of grapes and mumbling through the food]'' It's very good. Thank you.
:''[Phoebus moans. Quasimodo moans similarly, indicating he enjoys the food. Phoebus sighs louder. Quasimodo kicks him, knocking him out, then pretends to cough to cover up the noise]''
:'''Quasimodo''': Seeds.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': ''[looking at the models]'' What's different in here?
:'''Quasimodo''': Nothing, sir.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': Isn't this one new? ''[picks up the wooden doll of Esmerelda]'' It's awfully good. Looks very much like the... gypsy girl. I know... ''[a nasty look creeps across his face as his voice rises and loses control of his temper, outraged and yelling at Quasimodo, slamming his hand holding the doll on the table and making Quasimodo fall back on his chair]'' YOU HELPED HER &lt;big&gt;'''''ESCAPE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Quasimodo''': ''[on the floor]'' But I...
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': ''[tossing the doll back on the table and pointing at Quadimodo]'' And now all Paris is burning, because of you!
:'''Quasimodo''': She was kind to me, master.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': ''[destroying all of Quasimodo's wooden figures on the table]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''YOU IDIOT!!! THAT WASN'T KINDNESS, IT WAS CUNNING! SHE'S A GYPSY!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[pulling Quasimodo by the collar]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''GYPSIES ARE NOT CAPABLE OF REAL LOVE!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[shaking Quasimodo]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''THINK, BOY! THINK OF YOUR MOTHER!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[as he takes a moment to recompose himself to calm down and gently talk to Quasimodo]'' But what chance could a poor, misshapen child like you have against her heathen treachery? ''[He plunges his knife on the doll and holds it up to the candle, setting it on fire with explosives]'' Well, never you mind, Quasimodo. She'll be out of our lives soon enough. I will free you from her evil spell, She will torment you no longer.
:'''Quasimodo''': What do you mean?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': I know where her hideout is. And tomorrow, at dawn, I attack with a thousand men. ''[grins evilly as part of his trick as he leaves]''
:'''Phoebus''': ''[upon realising that Judge Claude Frollo knows where Esmeralda is hiding and that he will attack, Quasimodo feels as though he should help. Phoebus groans from under the table from which he was hidden from Judge Claude Frollo. Once Judge Claude Frollo leaves, he gets out]'' We have to find the Court of Miracles before daybreak. If Frollo gets there first... ''[starts walking, but Quasimodo does not follow; he just looks at Phoebus with the saddened realisation that Esmeralda loves Phoebus, not him; Phoebus turns to him]'' Are you coming with me?
:'''Quasimodo''': ''[looks down, still saddened]'' I can't.
:'''Phoebus''': [as Quasimodo gets to his feet]  I thought you were Esmeralda's friend!
:'''Quasimodo''': ''[frowns]'' Frollo's my master. I can't disobey him again. ''[grabs his shoulders and turns his back on Phoebus]'' 
:'''Phoebus''': She stood up for you! You've got a funny way of showing gratitude.
:''[Quasimodo does not respond; Phoebus stares disapprovingly at him as he grabs his left arm]''
:'''Phoebus''': Well, I'm not going to sit by and watch Frollo massacre innocent people. [walks to the stairs and looks back to Quasimodo] You do what you think is right. ''[leaves; Quasimodo remains silent, then turns to see Victor, Hugo and Laverne shooting him disappointed looks]''
:'''Quasimodo''': ''[shrugs]'' What? What am I supposed to do? ''[frustrated and sarcastic tone, in an arm-flailing manner]'' Go out there and rescue the girl from the Laws of Death, and the whole town will cheer like I'm some kind of a hero?! She already ''has'' her knight on shining armour, and it's not me! ''[sighs]'' Frollo was right. ''[shrugs]'' Frollo was right about everything. ''[looks down]'' And I'm ''tired'' of trying to be something that I'm not.
:''[Quasimodo upon looking down, he catches a glimpse of his left hand; recalls what Esmeralda told him about not having &quot;monster lines,&quot; then looks down at the smouldering wooden figure of Esmeralda that Frollo burned earlier; pulls out the amulet Esmeralda gave him and stares ahead with hope and realisation; Laverne taps his shoulder and offers his hooded cloak]''
:'''Quasimodo''': ''[whispering as he hesitantly grabs his cloak and hurries away to catch up with Phoebus]'' I must be out of my mind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Quasimodo:''' Is this the Court of Miracles?
:'''Phoebus:''' Offhand, I'd say it's the Court of Ankle-Deep Sewage. Cheerful place. ''[chuckles]'' Kinda makes you wish you got out more often eh, Quasi?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Not me. I just want to warn Esmeralda and get back to the bell tower before I get in more trouble.
:'''Phoebus:''' Speaking of trouble, we should have run into some by now.
:'''Quasimodo:''' What do you mean?
:'''Phoebus:''' You know, a guard, a booby trap. ''[his torch is blown out]'' Or an ambush.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[stopping Clopin as he is about to hang Quasimodo and Phoebus, thinking they're Judge Claude Frollo's spies]'' Stop!
:'''Quasimodo and Phoebus:''' ''[muffled]'' Esmeralda!
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[untying Quasimodo and Phoebus]'' These men aren't spies, they're our friends!
:'''Clopin:''' ''[confused]'' Why didn't they say so?
:'''Quasimodo and Phoebus:''' ''[annoyed]'' We '''''did''''' say so!
:'''Esmeralda:''' This is the soldier who saved the Miller's family, and Quasimodo helped me escape the cathedral.
:'''Phoebus:''' We came to warn you! Frollo's coming! He says he know where you're hiding, and he's attacking at dawn with a thousand men!
:'''Esmeralda:''' Then let's waste no time. We must leave immediately. ''[the Gypsies hurry to escape]'' You took a terrible risk coming here. It may not exactly show, but we're grateful.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[sees Quasimodo sad seeing Esmeralda hug Phoebus: to Esmeralda]'' Don't thank me, thank Quasimodo. Without his help, we would never have found our way here.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[off-screen]'' Nor would I.
:''[Everyone turns to see Judge Claude Frollo with a large group of soldiers who immediately storm the court. The gypsies try to run, but are stopped at every turn. Eventually, the soldiers surround them]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' After 20 years of searching, the Court of Miracles is mine at last. ''[pats a shocked Quasimodo]'' Dear Quasimodo, I always knew you would someday be of use to me.
:'''Quasimodo:''' No.
:'''Esmeralda:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Why, he led me right to, my dear.
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[frustratingly]'' You're a liar.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' And look what else I've caught in my net. Captain Phoebus, back from the dead. Another &quot;miracle&quot;, no doubt. I shall remedy that. ''[Judge Claude Frollo goes to address the gypsies]'' There'll be a little bonfire in the square tomorrow, and you're all invited to attend. Lock them up.
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[grabs Judge Claude Frollo's robe and begs his master to reconsider]'' No, please, Master! ''[Judge Claude Frollo just frowns at him, and he falls to the floor in disgrace]'' No, no.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Take him back to the bell tower. And make sure he stays there.
:''[The soldiers drag Quasimodo back to the bell tower]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[To Esmeralda]'' The time has come, gypsy. You stand upon the brink of the abyss. Yet even now, it is not too late. I can save you from the flames of this world, and the next. Choose me, or the fire. ''[she spits in his face in refusal]'' The Gypsy, Esmeralda, has refused to recant! This evil witch has put the souls of every citizen in Paris in awful jeopardy!
:''[Quasimodo is chained up, and the gargoyles are trying to snap him out of his depression]''
:'''Hugo:''' Come on, Quasi, snap out of it.
:'''Victor:''' Your friends are down there.
:'''Quasimodo:''' It's all my fault.
:'''Laverne:''' You gotta break these chains!
:'''Quasimodo:''' I can't. I tried. What difference would it make?
:'''Victor:''' But you can't let Frollo win.
:'''Quasimodo:''' He already has.
:'''Hugo:''' So, you're-- You're givin' up? That's it?
:'''Laverne''': These chains aren't what's holdin' you back, Quasimodo.
:'''Quasimodo:''' Leave me alone.
:''[All the gargoyles are shocked, and they slowly begin to stone-walk away]''
:'''Hugo''': Okay. Okay, Quasi. We'll leave you alone.
:'''Victor''': After all, we're only made out of stone.
:'''Laverne''': We just thought maybe you were made of somethin' stronger.
:''[The gargoyles then turn to stone, leaving Quasimodo with the line &quot;Made of something stronger.&quot;]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' For justice, for Paris, and for her own salvation, it is my sacred duty to send this unholy demon back where she belongs! ''[lights the pyre and the crowd yells in protest against having Esmeralda die in fire]''
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[bellowing]'' '''''NO…!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Archdeacon:''' ''[sternly]'' Frollo, have you gone mad?! I will not tolerate this assault on the House of God!
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Silence, you old fool! ''[tosses the Archdeacon aside]'' The Hunchback and I have unfinished business to attend to. And this time, you will ''not'' interfere. ''[closes and locks door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[to Esmeralda]'' We've done it, Esmeralda; We've beaten them back! Come and see! ''[Esmeralda doesn't respond]'' Esmeralda, wake up. You're safe now. ''[worried]'' Esmeralda? ''[shocked]'' Oh, no. ''[tries giving Esmeralda water, but she doesn't wake up]'' ''[tearfully]'' Oh, no. 
:''[Laverne closes the door and the Gargoyles leave to give Quasimodo an emotional moment as he cries, thinking Esmeralda died. Judge Claude Frollo, however, steps in, with a dagger behind his back and touches Quasimodo on his hump]''
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[whispers angrily]'' You killed her.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' It was my duty. Horrible as it was, I hope you'll can forgive me. ''[Quasimodo hyperventilates]'' There, there, Quasimodo. I know it hurts. But now, the time has come to end your suffering...forever.
:''[as Judge Claude Frollo draws a dagger, and trying to kill him, Quasimodo notices his shadow and gasps in horror, so he grabs Judge Claude Frollo's right arm, and after a struggle, Quasimodo manages to snatch the dagger and bravely corners Judge Claude Frollo, angrily hyperventilating]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[nervously as Quasimodo advances on him]'' Now, now... Listen to me, Quasimodo.
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[about to yelling at Judge Claude Frollo]'' No! You listen! All my life, you have told me the world is a dark, cruel place. But now I see that the only thing dark ''[throws the dagger to the floor]'' and cruel about it is people like you!
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[off screen, weakly]'' Quasimodo?
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[relieved as he turns and sees Esmeralda is alive with the bed]'' Esmeralda!
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[upon realizing that Esmeralda had survived, and he was enraged]'' She lives. ''[draws his sword]''
:'''Quasimodo:''' &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[as he grabs Esmeralda and runs out onto the balcony. Judge Claude Frollo follows, but when he gets outside, he sees nothing but gargoyles (including) Pumbaa the Warthog with a statue of the gargoyle). After looking left and right, he looks out over the edge and finds Quasimodo hanging there with Esmeralda]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Leaving so soon? ''[swings his sword, but Quasimodo dodges the blow by swinging to another spot, and misses. Down on the ground, the villagers and guards stop the fight to watch]''
:'''Villager:''' ''[points to Quasimodo, Esmeralda and Judge Claude Frollo fighting to the final battle at the balcony of the Cathedral]'' Look! Up there!
:''[Judge Claude Frollo goes to swings his sword again]''
:'''Quasimodo:''' Hang on! ''[as he swings off again, just narrowly missing Judge Claude Frollo's sword. Finally, Judge Claude Frollo is about to kill Esmeralda, but Quasimodo pushes her out of the way]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' I should have known you'd risk your life to save that gypsy witch! Just as your own mother died trying to save you.
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[realizes what Judge Claude Frollo's saying about his mother's death; shocked and horrified]'' What?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:'''  Now, I'm going to do what I should have done, 20 years ago! ''[furiously throws his cape over Quasimodo's face and tries to throw him down]''
:'''Quasimodo:''' Ohh! Ugh!
:''[And at the same time, Judge Claude Frollo also falls]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Whoaaaaa! Oh!
:''[But Quasimodo holds Judge Claude Frollo's cape, and Esmeralda grabs Quasimodo. Judge Claude Frollo sees a gargoyle and swings to it and grabs it]''
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[grunting]'' Hold on! Hold on!
:''[Quasimodo loses consciousness and drops Judge Claude Frollo's cape, as Judge Claude Frollo stands on top of the gargoyle and laughs evilly. He raises his sword, and trying to kill her]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[His last words before his death]'' And he shall smite the wicked, and plunge them into the fiery pit!
:''[The gargoyle Judge Claude Frollo's standing on starts to collapse beneath him, and he drops his sword and grabs the gargoyle as it comes alive (the Cathedral was observing Judge Claude Frollo's action for 2 decades and finally had enough of him) and angrily roars thunderously at his face]''
:'''Lion:''' Roar!
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' &lt;big&gt;'''''NOOOOO!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[And he screams in horror as he falls into a sea of molten copper below along with the gargoyle still roaring at him]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Finally killing him for good and ending his tyranny once and for all]''
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[losing her grip]'' Quasimodo. Quasi-- ''[drops Quasimodo]'' '''''NOOOOOO!'''''
:''[Phoebus catches Quasimodo, saving his life.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Quasimodo has saved all of Paris from Judge Claude Frollo’s tyranny]''
:'''Clopin:''' Three cheers, for Quasimodo!
:''[the crowd cheers]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[before closing credits]''
:'''Laverne:''' ''[annoyed with the birds landing on her]'' Don't you ever migrate?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bonus post-credits scene at the railing of the Notre Dame Cathedral, when Hugo the Gargoyle waves and breaks the fourth wall, directly to the audience]''
:'''Hugo:''' Good night, everybody! Wah-ha-hoo!

== Cast ==
* [[w:Tom Hulce|Tom Hulce]] — Quasimodo 
* [[Demi Moore]] — Esmeralda
* Heidi Mollenhaur - Esmeralda (singing)
* [[w:Tony Jay|Tony Jay]] — Judge Claude Frollo 
* [[Kevin Kline]] — Captain Phoebus
* [[w:Paul Kandel|Paul Kandel]] — Clopin
* [[w:Jason Alexander|Jason Alexander]] — Hugo
* [[w:Charles Kimbrough|Charles Kimbrough]] — Victor
* [[w:Mary Wickes|Mary Wickes]] — Laverne (final role)
* [[w:David Ogden Stiers|David Ogden Stiers]] — Archdeacon
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] -Quasimodo's mother
* [[Frank Welker]] - Djali the Goat
* [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] - Guards

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996 film)}}
* {{imdb title|id=0116583|title=The Hunchback of Notre Dame}}
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{{DEFAULTSORT:Hunchback of Notre Dame, The}}
[[Category:1996 animated films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Romance films]]
[[Category:Films about death]]
[[Category:Films directed by Gary Trousdale]]
[[Category:Films directed by Kirk Wise]]
[[Category:Films about disability]]
[[Category:Films set in the Middle Ages]]
[[Category:Disney Renaissance]]
[[Category:1990s English-language films]]</text>
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      <text bytes="46586" sha1="5495x6pcsbkymqm3szu2noewmuy681f" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Cosplay of Claude Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame at Japan Expo 2019 (48434803271).jpg|thumb|And he shall smite the wicked, and plunge them into the fiery pit!]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996 film)|The Hunchback of Notre Dame]]''''' is a [[w:1996 in film|1996]] Disney animated film loosely based on [[Victor Hugo]]'s classic [[w:The Hunchback of Notre Dame|1831 novel of the same name]]. It's released by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Feature Animation]] and distributed by [[w:Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures|Buena Vista Pictures Distribution, Inc.]]
:''Directed by [[w:Gary Trousdale|Gary Trousdale]] and [[w:Kirk Wise|Kirk Wise]]. Written by [[w:Tab Murphy|Tab Murphy]], [[w:Irene Mecchi|Irene Mecchi]], [[w:Bob Tzudiker|Bob Tzudiker]], [[w:Noni White|Noni White]], [[w:Jonathan Roberts (writer)|Jonathan Roberts]] and based on [[Victor Hugo]]'s classic [[w:The Hunchback of Notre Dame|1831 novel of the same name]]. Songs by [[w:Alan Menken|Alan Menken]] and [[w:Stephen Schwartz (composer)|Stephen Schwartz]]. Score Produced by Alan Menken.''
{{center|'''Join the Party June 21st!'''}}

== Quasimodo ==
* If I picked a day to fly, oh, this would be it! The Festival of Fools! It will be fun. The jugglers, and music, and dancing...
* Thanks for the encouragement. But you're all forgetting one big thing. ''['''Gargoyles:''' What?]'' My master, Frollo.
* I'm sorry, master. I will never disobey you again.
* At sunset, I ring the evening mass, and after that, I clean the cloisters, and then I ring the vespers, and-- ''[Esmerelda kisses him on the cheek]'' Whatever's good for you.
* Look. I appreciate what you're all trying to do, but let's not fool ourselves. Ugliest face in all Paris, remember? I don't think I'm her type.
* What? What am I supposed to do? Go out there and rescue the girl from the-from the jaws of death, and the whole town will cheer like I'm some kind of a hero?! She already has her knight in shining armor, and it's not me! ''[sighs]'' Frollo was right. Frollo was right about everything. I'm tired of trying to be something that I'm not.
* We've done it, Esmeralda! We've beaten them back! Come and see!
* ''[to Frollo; angrily and losing patience]'' No! ''You'' listen! All my life, you've told me the world is a dark, cruel place! But now I see that the only thing dark and cruel about it is people like ''you!''

== Judge Claude Frollo ==
* Stanley Yelnats and his family must die!
* I am a public official. I ''must'' go. But I don't enjoy a moment. Thieves and hustlers and the dregs of humankind, all mixed together in a shallow, drunken stupor.
* You are forgiven. But remember, Quasimodo, ''this'' is your sanctuary.
* ''[while watching Stanley Yelnats IV suffer]'' In a moment, captain. A lesson needs to be learned here.
* Mark my words, Gypsy. You will pay for this insolence.
* But, how? I... never mind! Get out, you idiot! I'll find her. I'll find her if I have to ''burn down all of Paris!''
* Burn it! ''['''Phoebus:''' What?!]'' Until it smolders. These people are traitors and must be made examples of.
* The sentence for insubordination is death. Such a pity. You threw away a promising career.
* Don't waste your arrows. Let the traitor rot in his watery grave! Find the girl! If you have to burn the city to the ground, so be it!
* ''[after realizing that Esmeralda is still at large]'' I had the entire cathedral surrounded; guards at every door. There was no way she could've escaped... unless...
* ''[suspicious about Phoebus]'' I think...you're ''hiding'' something. ''['''Quasimodo:''' Oh, no, Master. There's no-]'' You're not eating, boy.
* YOU IDIOT!! THAT WASN'T KINDNESS, IT WAS CUNNING! SHE'S A GYPSY! GYPSIES AREN'T CAPABLE OF REAL LOVE! Think, boy! Think of your mother! ''[calms down]'' But what chance could a poor, misshapen child like you have against her heathen treachery? Well, never you mind, Quasimodo. She will be out of our lives soon enough. I will free you from her evil spell. She will torment you no longer. ''['''Quasimodo:''' What do you mean?]'' I know where her hideout is, and tomorrow at dawn, I attack with a thousand men.
* The prisoner Esmeralda has been accused of the crime of witchcraft. The sentence: death!
* Silence, you old fool! The hunchback and I have unfinished business to attend to. And this time, you will ''not'' interfere.
* ''[upon realizing that Esmeralda had survived]'' She lives!
* I should have known you'd risk your life to save that Gypsy witch, just as your own mother died trying to save you.
* ''[last words]'' And [[w:God in Christianity|he]] shall smite the wicked, and ''plunge'' them into [[w:Hell|the fiery pit]]!

== Hugo ==
* ''[post credits scene]'' Good night, everybody! Wah-ha-hoo!

== [[w:The Hunchback of Notre Dame (soundtrack)|Lyrics]] ==

=== [[w:Topsy Turvy (song)|Topsy Turvy]] ===

* Come one, come all &lt;br /&gt; Close the churches and the schools &lt;br /&gt; It's the day for breaking rules &lt;br /&gt; Come and join the Feast of Fools!

* Every man's a king and every king's a clown &lt;br /&gt; Once again, it's topsy turvy day &lt;br /&gt; It's the day the devil in us gets released &lt;br /&gt; It's the day we mock the prig and shock the priest &lt;br /&gt; Everything is topsy turvy at the Feast of Fools!

* Scurvy knaves are extra scurvy &lt;br /&gt; On the sixth of January &lt;br /&gt; All because it's topsy turvy day &lt;br /&gt; Come one, come all!

* [[Now]]'s the [[time]] we crown the [[King]] of [[Fools]] &lt;br /&gt; You all [[remember]] last year's king? &lt;br /&gt; So make a [[face]] that's [[horrible]] and [[frightening]] &lt;br /&gt; Make a face as gruesome as a gargoyle's wing &lt;br /&gt; For the face that's [[ugliest]] will be the King of Fools!


== Dialogue ==
:[A wipe to a dark night. The Yelnats Family are silently proceeding down the Seine, hoping to avoid detection.]
:'''Clopin:''' Dark was the night if our tale was begun on the docks near Notre Dame...♫                                                     
:'''Stanley Yelnats III:''' We'll be here soon.
:'''Stanley Yelnats II:''' Hope we don't get caught!                               
:'''Tiffany Yelnats:''' You're overreacting!
:'''Clopin:'''♪ ..The Yelnatses slid silently under the docks of notre dame...♫
:'''Boatman:''' Four gilders for safe passage into Paris.
:[A arrow gets shot into the staff the boatman used for the boat, soldiers Surround the Yelnatses]
:'''Clopin:'''♪..But a trap had been laid for the Yelnatses as they gazed up in fear and alarm. At a figure whose clutches were iron as much as the bells...♫
:'''Stanley Yelnats II:''' Judge Claude Frollo!
:'''Clopin:'''♪ ..The bells of Notre Dame. Judge Claude Frollo longed to purge the world of vice and sin. And he saw corruption everywhere, except within.♫
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''''' Bring these Yelnatses to the palace of justice.                                                             
:'''Soldier:''''' ''[to Stanley Yelnats IV]''  You there! What're you hiding?!                                                                
:'''Frollo:''''' Stolen goods, no doubt. Take them from them!
:'''Clopin:''' They ran!
:''[As the Yelnatses trying to escape with their &quot;stolen goods&quot;, Judge Claude Frollo gives chase on his horse. First, Stanley Yelnats II couldn't keep up with the others as he got killed by Frollo and his horse. Stanley Yelnats IV manages to hop over the fence railing, but his mother and father have been caught and murdered by Frollo. Stanley Yelnats was catching his breath, but ran again when he saw Frollo coming. Finally, Frollo captured Stanley and murdered him.]''                                                                  
:'''Frollo:''' ''[Cackles]'' Good horsey.
:''[Snowball proudly looked at Frollo with an evil smile]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Victor:''' Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open.
:'''Hugo:''' Heh-heh, go scare a nun. Hey, Quasi, what's going on out there? A fight? A flogging?
:'''Victor:''' A festival.
:'''Hugo:''' You mean the Feast of Fools?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Aha!
:'''Hugo:''' Alright alright! Pour the wine and cut the cheese.
:'''Victor:''' It is a treat to watch the colorful pageantry of the simple peasant folk.
:'''Hugo:''' Boy, nothing like balcony seats for watching the old F.O.F.
:'''Quasimodo:''' Yeah, watching. ''[Quasimodo leaves, downcast]''
:'''Hugo:''' Ah, look. A mime. ''[Hugo prepares to spit on the mime, Victor stops him and Hugo swallows]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As Quasi nears it, Judge Claude Frollo appears in the doorway suddenly, cutting Quasi short and returning the gargoyles to stone.]''
:'''Frollo:''' Good Morning, Quasimodo.
:'''Quasimodo:''' Ahem, good morning, master.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Dear boy, whomever were you talking to?
:'''Quasimodo:''' My friends.
:'''Frollo:''' I see. ''[he taps Hugo on the head.]'' And what are your friends made of, Quasimodo?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Stone.
:'''Frollo:''' Can stone talk?
:'''Quasimodo:''' No, it can't.
:'''Frollo:''' That's right. You're a smart lad. Now, lunch. ''[upon hearing the word, Quasi goes off and retrieves a table setting a silver chalice and plate for Judge Claude Frollo and a wooden cup and plate for himself.]'' Shall we review your alphabet today?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Oh, yes, Master. I would like that very much.
:'''Frollo:''' Very well. A?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Abomination.
:'''Frollo:''' B?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Blasphemy?
:'''Frollo:''' C?
:'''Quasimodo:''' C-C-Contrition.
:'''Frollo:''' D?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Damnation?
:'''Frollo:''' E?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Eternal damnation.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Good. F?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Festival.
:''[Frollo spits out his drink in shock at the absent-minded and incorrect response.]''
:'''Frollo:''' Excuse me?
:'''Quasimodo:''' F-F-Forgiveness.
:'''Frollo:''' You said...festival.
:'''Quasimodo:''' No!
:'''Frollo:''' You are thinking about going to the festival.
:'''Quasimodo:''' It's just that...you go every year.
:'''Frollo:''' I am a public official; I must go. But I don't enjoy a moment. Thieves and hustlers and the dregs of humankind, all mixed together in a shallow, drunken stupor.
:'''Quasimodo:''' I didn't mean to upset you, master.
:'''Frollo:''' Quasimodo, can't you understand? When your heartless mother abandoned you as a child, anyone else would drowned you. And this my thanks for taking you in and raising you as my son?
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[ashamed]'' I'm sorry, sir.
:'''Frollo:''' Oh, my dear, Quasimodo, you don't know what it's like out there. I do. I do. ♪The world is cruel. The world is wicked. It's I alone whom you can trust in this whole city. I am your onllly friend. I who keep you, teach you, feed you, dress you! I who look upon you without fear. How can I protect boy. Unless you always stay in here. Away in here.♪ Remember, what I taught you, Quasimodo. ♪ You are deformed. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:''' ♪ I am deformed. 🎵 
:'''Frollo:''' ♪And you are ugly. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:'''♪And I am ugly. 🎵
:'''Frollo:''' ♪And these are crimes for which the world shows little pity. You do not comprehend. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:'''♪ You are my one defender. 🎵
:'''Frollo:'''♪Out there they'll revile as a monster. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:''' ♪ I am a monster. 🎵
:'''Frollo:''' ♪Out there they will have and scorn and jeer. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:'''♪Only a monster. 🎵
:'''Frollo:''' ♪Why invite their calumny, and consternation. Stay in here. Be faithful to me. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:''' ♪I'm faithful. 🎵
:'''Frollo:''' ♪Grateful to me. 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:''' ♪I'm grateful. 🎵
:'''Frollo:''' ♪Do as I say. Obey. 🎵
:'''Frollo and Quasimodo:''' ♪And stay...in...heeeere!!! 🎵
:'''Quasimodo:''' You are good to me, master. I'm sorry.
:'''Frollo:''' You are forgiven. But remember, Quasimodo, this is your sanctuary. 
:'''Quasimodo:''' My sanctuary! ''[Frollo leaves; someone ad to this.]'' 🎵Safe behind these windows and these parapets of stone. Gazing at the people down below me! All of my life, I watch them as I hide up here alone. Hungry for the histories they show me! All of my life, I memorise of the faces! Knowing them as they will never know me! All of my life, I wonder how it feels to pass the day! Not above them. But part of theeeem! 🎵

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frollo''': You've come to Paris in her darkest hour, Captain. It will take a firm hand to save the weak-minded from being so easily misled.
:'''Phoebus''': Misled, sir?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': Look, Captain. Gypsies. The gypsies live outside normal order. Their heathen ways inflame the people's lowest instincts, and they must be stopped. 
:'''Phoebus''': I was summoned from the wars to capture fortune-tellers and palm-readers?
:'''Frollo:''' Oh, the real war, Captain, is what you see before you. For 20 years, I have been taking care of the gypsies, One. By. One. ''[On each of the last three words, Judge Claude Frollo crushes one of three ants on a tile.]'' And yet, for all of my success, they have thrived! ''[He flips the tile over, revealing scores of ants scurrying around underneath.]'' I believe they have a safe haven, within the walls of this very city. A nest, if you will. They call it the Court of Miracles.
:'''Phoebus:''' What are we going to do about it, sir? ''[Judge Claude Frollo slams the tile back down upside down, crushing the remainder of the ants.]'' You make your point quite vividly, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Referring to Esmeralda, who's dancing at the festival.]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Look at that disgusting display.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[smitten by Esmeralda's beauty]'' Yes, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Oafish Guard:''' You think he's ugly now? Watch this! ''[Throws a tomato at Quasimodo's face, everyone gasps]'' Now, that's ugly!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' You! ''[Points at Esmeralda]'' Gypsy girl! Get down at once!
:'''Esmeralda:''' Yes, your honor. Just as soon as I free this poor creature.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' I forbid it! 
:''[Esmeralda pulls out a knife and cuts the rope tying Quasimodo to the wheel]'' 
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' How dare you defy me? 
:'''Esmeralda:''' You mistreat this poor boy the same way you mistreat my people! You speak of justice, yet you are cruel to those most in need of your help! 
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' '''SILENCE!'''
:'''Esmeralda:''' '''''JUSTICE!'''''
:''[Everyone gasps, Esmeralda helps Quasimodo up]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Mark my words, Gypsy; You will pay for this insolence.
:'''Esmeralda:''' Then it appears we've crowned the wrong fool. ''[picks up King of Fools' crown]'' The only fool I see is YOU! ''[throws it at Judge Claude Frollo's feet; Djali raspberries Judge Claude Frollo]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Captain Phoebus, arrest her.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Find her, captain. I want her alive.
:'''Phoebus:''' Yes, sir. Seat off the area, men! Find the gypsy girl, and do not harm her!
:''[Frollo heads to Quasimodo on his horse and glares at him for his disgrace.]''
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[sadly]'' I'm sorry, master. I will never disobey you again. ''[tearfully walks back into the Notre Dame]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[takes Phoebus' sword]'' You!
:'''Phoebus:''' Easy! Easy! I-I just shaved this morning.
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[points Phoebus' sword at his goatee]'' Oh, really? You missed a spot.
:'''Phoebus:''' Alright, alright, just-just-just calm down. Just give me a chance to apologize.
:'''Esmeralda:''' For what?
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[takes back his sword, and side-sweeps Esmeralda]'' ''That,'' for example.
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[angrily]'' You sneaky son-of-a-
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[interrupting]'' Ah-ah-ah, watch it. We're in a church.
:'''Esmeralda:''' Are you always this charming, or am I just lucky? ''[uses candle-staff]''
:'''Phoebus:''' Ha-ha-ha-ha! Candlelight, privacy, music. Can't think of a better place for hand-to-hand combat. You fight almost as well as a man!
:'''Esmeralda:''' Funny. I was going to say the same thing about ''you!''
:'''Phoebus:''' That's hitting a little below the belt, don't you think?
:'''Esmeralda:''' No. ''This'' is.
:''[Phoebus avoids getting hit in the groin, but gets hit in the mouth by the candle-staff]''
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[blubbers]'' ''Touché.'' ''[gets rammed in the stomach by Djali]'' Oof! I didn't know you had a kid.
:'''Esmeralda:''' Well, he doesn't take to kindly to soldiers.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[painfully]'' Eh! I noticed. ''[normally]'' Permit me. I'm Phoebus. It means &quot;Sun god.&quot; ''[Esmeralda and Djali look at each other, incredulously]'' And you are?
:'''Esmeralda:''' Is this an interrogation?
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[re-sheathes his sword]'' I believe it's called an introduction.
:'''Esmeralda:''' You're not arresting me?
:'''Phoebus:''' Not as long as you're in here. I can't.
:'''Esmeralda:''' Huh. You're not at all like the other soldiers. ''[puts down the candle staff]''
:'''Phoebus:''' Thank you.
:'''Esmeralda:''' So, if you're not going to arrest me, what do you want?
:'''Phoebus:''' I'd settle for your name.
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[smiling]'' Esmeralda.
:'''Phoebus:''' Beautiful. Much better than Phoebus, anyway.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Esmeralda opens the church door to see soldiers outside.]''
:'''Solder:''' Frollo's orders: Post a guard at every door.
:''[Esmeralda slams the door in anger.]''
:'''Esmeralda:''' Don't worry, Djali. If Frollo thinks he can keep us here, he's wrong.
:'''Archdeacon:''' Don't act rashly, my child. You created...quite a stir at the festival. It would be unwise to arouse Frollo's anger further.
:'''Esmeralda:''' You saw what he did out there; letting the crowd torture that poor boy. I thought if just ''one'' person could stand up to him, then- ''[sighs]'' What do they have against people who are different, anyway?
:'''Archdeacon:''' You can't right all of the wrongs of this world by yourself.
:'''Esmeralda:''' Well, no one out there is going to help; that's for sure.
:'''Archdeacon:''' Well, perhaps there's someone in here who can.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%'/&gt;
:''[Esmeralda finishes singing &quot;God Help the Outcasts&quot; in the center of the light from the window. Quasimodo smiles, but he is unexpectedly spotted by a Parishioner, thinking he's going to cause trouble.]''
:'''Parishioner:''' You! Bell Ringer! What are you doing down here? ''[Quasimodo is startled by the Parishioner and accidentally knocks down a candle-staff. Esmeralda and Djali see this, and are shocked at the Parishioner's actions]'' Haven't you caused enough trouble already?
:''[Quasimodo retreats back to the bell tower with Esmeralda and Djali following him from behind, while the Parishioner is scolded by the Archdeacon for making a scene.]''
:'''Esmeralda:''' Wait! I want to talk to you. 
:''[Quasimodo comes out of the top of the staircase with Esmeralda and Djali behind him and the Gargoyles watch them from above.]''
:'''Laverne:''' Look! He's got a friend with him.
:'''Hugo:''' Yeah! Maybe today wasn't a total loss after all.
:'''Victor:''' A vision of loveliness.
:'''Hugo:''' The one in the dress ain't bad either.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Victor:''' You mustn't run too fast, or she'll get away.
:'''Quasimodo:''' I know, uh, that's what I...
:'''Hugo:''' Just give her some slack, then reel her in! Then give her some slack, then reel her in! Then give her some slack- ''[Laverne hits him on the head]''
:'''Laverne:''' Knock it off, Hugo! She's a girl, not a mackerel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[to Quasimodo]'' And a Gypsy. And maybe Frollo's wrong about the both of us.
:''[Unbeknownst to them, the gargoyles are eavesdropping.]''
:'''Hugo:''' What did she say?
:'''Laverne''': Frollo's nose is long and wears a truss.
:'''Hugo:''' Ha! Told ya! Pay up!
:'''Victor:''' Oh, dear. ''[Gives Hugo a coin]''
:'''Hugo:''' Chump.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Quasimodo had just driven Phoebus out of the Cathedral.]''
:'''Hugo:''' Hey-hey! There he is! ''[the gargoyles applaud and cheer Quasimodo]''
:'''Victor:''' Oh, wonderful! Bravo, bravissimo! You ejected that tin-plated buffoon with great panache!
:'''Hugo:''' The nerve of him! Snooping around here trying to steal your girl.
:'''Quasimodo:''' My girl?
:'''Laverne:''' Esmeralda. Dark hair, works with a goat. Remember?
:'''Hugo:''' Boy, I do. Way to go, lover boy!
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[chuckles]'' Lover boy? Oh, no, no.
:'''Laverne:''' Oh, don't be so modest.
:'''Quasimodo:''' Look, I appreciate what you're all trying to do. But let's not fool ourselves. Ugliest face in all Paris, remember? I don't think I'm her type.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Phoebus:''' Good morning, sir. ''[notices Judge Claude Frollo looking a little pale]'' Are you feeling all right?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[after seeing visions of Esmeralda in his fire all night]'' I had a little...trouble with the fireplace.
:'''Phoebus:''' I see. Your orders, sir?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Find the Gypsy girl.
:''[Cut to a bakery. The soldiers kick the door down, and the baker turns in surprise just as he is baking some bread. One soldier throws a shelf complete with it down to the floor. Two more move a barrel while a third removes a rug to reveal a trapdoor. He opens it to reveal a group of gypsies underneath. They are led outside in chains while Judge Claude Frollo holds out a handful of coins in exchange of Esmeralda's whereabouts]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Ten pieces of silver for the gypsy Esmeralda.
:''[The gypsies stay silent, not about to sell out one of their own]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[taking the coins in his hand]'' Lock them up.
:''[Cut to a gypsy wagon on the banks of the Seine. The soldiers push it into the water and the gypsies therein come out, gasping for air. Judge Claude Frollo now holds out twice the amount of coins as before, hoping they will warn him where Esmeralda is]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[trying to keep his cool]'' Twenty pieces of silver for the gypsy, Esmeralda.
:''[Just like the previous gypsies, these ones are not about to betray a fellow gypsy either. Judge Claude Frollo grows even more furious]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Take them away!
:''[Phoebus heaves a furious sigh to himself. He is beginning to question his commanding officer's sense of justice. Cut to a Miller's farm. Esmeralda and Djali, in their old beggar disguise, walks among a crowd gathered before the scene. The entire lot of them are worried about the miller's welfare and Judge Claude Frollo's sanity, or lack thereof]''
:'''Woman:''' Poor Miller. He's never harmed anyone!
:'''Man:''' Frollo's gone mad.
:''[Inside, Judge Claude Frollo is interrogating the Miller, who is pleading for mercy with him]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' We found this gypsy talisman on your property. Have you been harboring gypsies?
:'''Miller:''' Our home is always open to the weary traveler. Have mercy, my Lord.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' I am placing you and your family under house arrest until I get to the bottom of this. If you what you say is true and you are innocent, then you have nothing to fear.
:''[Judge Claude Frollo turns to leave, but the miller yet begs to be spared]''
:'''Miller:''' But we are innocent. I assure you, we know nothing of these gypsies.
:''[Judge Claude Frollo locks a Miller and his family inside their home]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Burn it.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[shocked]'' What?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Until it smolders. ''[holds torch]'' These people are traitors and must be made examples of.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[takes torch]'' With all due respect sir, I was not trained to murder the innocent.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' But you ''were'' trained to follow orders. ''[Phoebus douses the torch in a barrel of water.]'' Insolent coward.
:''[Judge Claude Frollo takes a torch from another soldier and sets fire to the windmill which then sets the house ablaze. Phoebus sees one of the blades falling towards him and rolls out of the road. Then he hears the cries of the miller's wife and children, and dives in through the window. Esmeralda, who is watching the entire fact, becomes shocked, but he kicks down the door, carrying the child and baby, and the miller's family escapes unharmed. The miller takes the older child, and Phoebus hands his wife the baby. Mournfully, soon after, the Brutish Guard brains him with the hilt of his sword and he falls to the ground. The Oafish Guard picks him up. Then Judge Claude Frollo goes over to address the turncoat captain]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' The sentence for insubordination of death. Such a pity. You threw away a promising career.
:'''Phoebus:''' Consider it my highest honor, sir.
:''[Esmeralda, taking care not to be seen, takes her sarong and fashions it into a makeshift slingshot. Just as the Brutish Guard is about to execute Phoebus, she throws a stone at Judge Claude Frollo's horse. It rears in pain, and bucks him away. Phoebus takes this opportunity to knock the Brutish Guard and Oafish Guard out. Then the frightened horse runs away, but Phoebus manages to mount it]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Get him! And don't hit my horse!
:''[The archer guards shoot their arrows at Phoebus. Most of them narrowly miss him, one manages to strike him in the back. He moans in pain, and Esmeralda looks horrified. Then he falls into the river, and the archers continue to shoot at the spot where he fell while she stealthily clings to the bridge]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[raising his hand]'' Don't waste your arrows! Let the traitor rot in his watery grave.
:''[Esmeralda takes off her cloak and continues to watch Judge Claude Frollo and the guards, worried that she is partially to blame for the city's burning]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Find the girl. If you have to burn the city to the ground, so be it!
:''[Esmeralda watches as Judge Claude Frollo and his entourage walk away. The moment he is out of sight, she dives into the river and fishes an unconscious and unarmored Phoebus out, dragging him to shore. Fade to the city streets in front of Notre Dame. Judge Claude Frollo and the soldiers have concluded their search, but have seen neither hide nor hair of Esmeralda or Djali]''
:'''Brutish Guard:''' Sir, we've looked everywhere, and yet no sign of the gypsy girl.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[to himself]'' I had the whole cathedral surrounded. Guards at every door. There was no way she could have escaped. ''[suddenly turns toward the sound of bells]'' Unless...
:''[Paris is in flames while Judge Claude Frollo and the guards are searching for Esmeralda. In the bell tower, Victor and Laverne are upset, looking out.]''
:'''Laverne:''' Oh, it doesn't look good.
:'''Victor:''' It's hopeless. Absolutely hopeless.
:'''Hugo:''' ''[playing cards with a pigeon, not paying attention]'' You're warning me! I'm losing to a ''bird!''
:'''Victor:''' Oh, that poor gypsy girl. I'm beginning to fear the worst.
:'''Laverne:''' I know. But now don't you say anything to upset Quasimodo. He's concerned enough already.
:'''Hugo:''' Yes, you're right. We better lighten up.
:''[At that moment, Quasimodo walks in]''
:'''Victor:''' Shh-shh-shh, here he comes.
:'''Laverne:''' Now just stay calm.
:'''Victor:''' Not a word.
:'''Hugo:''' Easy does it.
:'''Victor:''' Stone-faced.
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[walks to the edge]'' Any sign of her?
:''[Victor, who has been trying to keep a straight face, suddenly begins to tremble and attempts to keep his head]''
:'''Victor:''' ''[cracks under pressure]'' Oh, it's a lost cause! She could be anywhere! In the stocks, in the dungeon, on the rack! Oh, God! ''[breaks down]''
:'''Laverne:''' Nice work, Victor.
:'''Quasimodo:''' No, he's right. What are we gonna do?
:'''Hugo:''' ''[shuffling his cards]'' What are you guys speaking about? ''[draws a Queen, three and Joker card respectively as he speaks]'' If I know Esmeralda, she's three steps ahead of Judge Claude Frollo and well out of harm's road.
:'''Quasimodo:''' Do you really think so?
:'''Hugo:''' ''[takes a bit of bread and a cheese wedge from a plate]'' Hey, if things cool off, she'll be back. You'll see.
:'''Quasimodo:''' What makes you so sure? 
:'''Laverne:''' Because she likes you. ''[to Quasimodo]'' We always said you were the cute one.
:'''Hugo:''' ''[stuffing his mouth with cheese and bread]'' I thought ''I'' was the cute one.
:'''Laverne:''' No, ''you're'' the fat, foolish one with the big mouth.
:'''Hugo:''' ''[looks confused, yet with his mouth complete]'' What are you saying, exactly?
:'''Laverne:''' Take it from us, Quasi. You have nothing to concern about.
:'''Hugo:''' ''[now holding two hot dogs]'' Yeah. You're irresistible.
:'''Victor:''' ''[chuckles]'' Knights in shining armor certainly aren't your type.
:'''Hugo:''' ''[sticks a hot dog on a fork and jumps over to the window]'' And these guys are a dime a dozen. But you, you're one of a kind. Look.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[weakly]'' Esmeralda?
:'''Esmeralda:''' Shh. Shh. Shh. You'll hide here until you're strong enough to move. ''[takes out a bottle of wine]''
:'''Phoebus:''' Great. I could use a drink. ''[Esmeralda carefully pours it over his wound]'' Agh! Yes, hmmm. Feels like a 1470 Burgundy. Not a good year.
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[starts stitching up Phoebus' wound]'' That family owes you their lives. You've got to be either the single bravest soldier I've ever seen, or the craziest.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''Ex''-soldier, remember? ''[winces in pain]'' Why is it, whenever we meet, I end up bleeding?
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[finishes up]'' You're lucky. That arrow almost pierced your heart.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[holds her hand]'' I'm not so sure it didn't. ''[he and Esmeralda kiss, leaving Quasimodo heartbroken]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Esmeralda and Djali leave to the Cathedral. The Gargoyles come back to life]''
:'''Laverne''': Quick, we gotta stash the stiff!
:''[They hurriedly drag Phoebus' body off the bed and underneath the tablewith Quasimodo's models on it. He hurriedly tries to set his modelsstraight as Frollo enters. He feigns surprise]''
:'''Quasimodo''': Oh, master, I didn't think you'd be coming--
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': I'm never too busy to share a meal with you, dear boy. I brought a little treat. ''[as he clears his throat slightly, and Quasimodo realises he hasn't set the table. He rushes off to grab the dishes, and is obviously flustered, dropping and breaking things]'' Is there something troubling you, Quasimodo?
:'''Quasimodo''': No! No!
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': Oh, but there is. I know there is. ''[as he has pulled out a bunch of grapes. One falls to the floor, near Phoebus. Quasimodo cautiously picks it up]'' I think... you're hiding something.
:'''Quasimodo''': Oh, no, master. There's nothing--
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': You're not eating, boy.
:'''Quasimodo''': ''[as he quickly gobbles a handful of grapes and mumbling through the food]'' It's very good. Thank you.
:''[Phoebus moans. Quasimodo moans similarly, indicating he enjoys the food. Phoebus sighs louder. Quasimodo kicks him, knocking him out, then pretends to cough to cover up the noise]''
:'''Quasimodo''': Seeds.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': ''[looking at the models]'' What's different in here?
:'''Quasimodo''': Nothing, sir.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': Isn't this one new? ''[picks up the wooden doll of Esmerelda]'' It's awfully good. Looks very much like the... gypsy girl. I know... ''[a nasty look creeps across his face as his voice rises and loses control of his temper, outraged and yelling at Quasimodo, slamming his hand holding the doll on the table and making Quasimodo fall back on his chair]'' YOU HELPED HER &lt;big&gt;'''''ESCAPE!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Quasimodo''': ''[on the floor]'' But I...
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': ''[tossing the doll back on the table and pointing at Quasimodo]'' And now all Paris is burning, because of ''you!''
:'''Quasimodo''': She was kind to me, master.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': ''[destroying all of Quasimodo's wooden figures on the table]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''YOU IDIOT!!! THAT WASN'T KINDNESS, IT WAS CUNNING! SHE'S A GYPSY!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[pulling Quasimodo by the collar]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''GYPSIES ARE NOT CAPABLE OF REAL LOVE!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[shaking Quasimodo]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''THINK, BOY! THINK OF YOUR MOTHER!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[as he takes a moment to recompose himself to calm down and gently talk to Quasimodo]'' But what chance could a poor, misshapen child like you have against her heathen treachery? ''[He plunges his knife on the doll and holds it up to the candle, setting it on fire with explosives]'' Well, never you mind, Quasimodo. She'll be out of our lives soon enough. I will free you from her evil spell, She will torment you no longer.
:'''Quasimodo''': What do you mean?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo''': I know where her hideout is. And tomorrow, at dawn, I attack with a thousand men. ''[grins evilly as part of his trick as he leaves]''
:'''Phoebus''': ''[upon realising that Judge Claude Frollo knows where Esmeralda is hiding and that he will attack, Quasimodo feels as though he should help. Phoebus groans from under the table from which he was hidden from Judge Claude Frollo. Once Judge Claude Frollo leaves, he gets out]'' We have to find the Court of Miracles before daybreak. If Frollo gets there first... ''[starts walking, but Quasimodo does not follow; he just looks at Phoebus with the saddened realisation that Esmeralda loves Phoebus, not him; Phoebus turns to him]'' Are you coming with me?
:'''Quasimodo''': ''[looks down, still saddened]'' I can't.
:'''Phoebus''': [as Quasimodo gets to his feet]  I thought you were Esmeralda's friend!
:'''Quasimodo''': ''[frowns]'' Frollo's my master. I can't disobey him again. ''[grabs his shoulders and turns his back on Phoebus]'' 
:'''Phoebus''': She stood up for you! You've got a funny way of showing gratitude.
:''[Quasimodo does not respond; Phoebus stares disapprovingly at him as he grabs his left arm]''
:'''Phoebus''': Well, I'm not going to sit by and watch Frollo massacre innocent people. [walks to the stairs and looks back to Quasimodo] You do what you think is right. ''[leaves; Quasimodo remains silent, then turns to see Victor, Hugo and Laverne shooting him disappointed looks]''
:'''Quasimodo''': ''[shrugs]'' What? What am I supposed to do? ''[frustrated and sarcastic tone, in an arm-flailing manner]'' Go out there and rescue the girl from the Laws of Death, and the whole town will cheer like I'm some kind of a hero?! She already ''has'' her knight on shining armour, and it's not me! ''[sighs]'' Frollo was right. ''[shrugs]'' Frollo was right about everything. ''[looks down]'' And I'm ''tired'' of trying to be something that I'm not.
:''[Quasimodo upon looking down, he catches a glimpse of his left hand; recalls what Esmeralda told him about not having &quot;monster lines,&quot; then looks down at the smouldering wooden figure of Esmeralda that Frollo burned earlier; pulls out the amulet Esmeralda gave him and stares ahead with hope and realisation; Laverne taps his shoulder and offers his hooded cloak]''
:'''Quasimodo''': ''[whispering as he hesitantly grabs his cloak and hurries away to catch up with Phoebus]'' I must be out of my mind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Quasimodo:''' Is this the Court of Miracles?
:'''Phoebus:''' Offhand, I'd say it's the Court of Ankle-Deep Sewage. Cheerful place. ''[chuckles]'' Kinda makes you wish you got out more often eh, Quasi?
:'''Quasimodo:''' Not me. I just want to warn Esmeralda and get back to the bell tower before I get in more trouble.
:'''Phoebus:''' Speaking of trouble, we should have run into some by now.
:'''Quasimodo:''' What do you mean?
:'''Phoebus:''' You know, a guard, a booby trap. ''[his torch is blown out]'' Or an ambush.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[stopping Clopin as he is about to hang Quasimodo and Phoebus, thinking they're Judge Claude Frollo's spies]'' Stop!
:'''Quasimodo and Phoebus:''' ''[muffled]'' Esmeralda!
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[untying Quasimodo and Phoebus]'' These men aren't spies, they're our friends!
:'''Clopin:''' ''[confused]'' Why didn't they say so?
:'''Quasimodo and Phoebus:''' ''[annoyed]'' We '''''did''''' say so!
:'''Esmeralda:''' This is the soldier who saved the Miller's family, and Quasimodo helped me escape the cathedral.
:'''Phoebus:''' We came to warn you! Frollo's coming! He says he know where you're hiding, and he's attacking at dawn with a thousand men!
:'''Esmeralda:''' Then let's waste no time. We must leave immediately. ''[the Gypsies hurry to escape]'' You took a terrible risk coming here. It may not exactly show, but we're grateful.
:'''Phoebus:''' ''[sees Quasimodo sad seeing Esmeralda hug Phoebus: to Esmeralda]'' Don't thank me, thank Quasimodo. Without his help, we would never have found our way here.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[off-screen]'' Nor would I.
:''[Everyone turns to see Judge Claude Frollo with a large group of soldiers who immediately storm the court. The gypsies try to run, but are stopped at every turn. Eventually, the soldiers surround them]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' After 20 years of searching, the Court of Miracles is mine at last. ''[pats a shocked Quasimodo]'' Dear Quasimodo, I always knew you would someday be of use to me.
:'''Quasimodo:''' No.
:'''Esmeralda:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Why, he led me right to, my dear.
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[frustratingly]'' You're a liar.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' And look what else I've caught in my net. Captain Phoebus, back from the dead. Another &quot;miracle&quot;, no doubt. I shall remedy that. ''[Judge Claude Frollo goes to address the gypsies]'' There'll be a little bonfire in the square tomorrow, and you're all invited to attend. Lock them up.
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[grabs Judge Claude Frollo's robe and begs his master to reconsider]'' No, please, Master! ''[Judge Claude Frollo just frowns at him, and he falls to the floor in disgrace]'' No, no.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Take him back to the bell tower. And make sure he stays there.
:''[The soldiers drag Quasimodo back to the bell tower]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[To Esmeralda]'' The time has come, gypsy. You stand upon the brink of the abyss. Yet even now, it is not too late. I can save you from the flames of this world, and the next. Choose me, or the fire. ''[she spits in his face in refusal]'' The Gypsy, Esmeralda, has refused to recant! This evil witch has put the souls of every citizen in Paris in awful jeopardy!
:''[Quasimodo is chained up, and the gargoyles are trying to snap him out of his depression]''
:'''Hugo:''' Come on, Quasi, snap out of it.
:'''Victor:''' Your friends are down there.
:'''Quasimodo:''' It's all my fault.
:'''Laverne:''' You gotta break these chains!
:'''Quasimodo:''' I can't. I tried. What difference would it make?
:'''Victor:''' But you can't let Frollo win.
:'''Quasimodo:''' He already has.
:'''Hugo:''' So, you're-- You're givin' up? That's it?
:'''Laverne''': These chains aren't what's holdin' you back, Quasimodo.
:'''Quasimodo:''' Leave me alone.
:''[All the gargoyles are shocked, and they slowly begin to stone-walk away]''
:'''Hugo''': Okay. Okay, Quasi. We'll leave you alone.
:'''Victor''': After all, we're only made out of stone.
:'''Laverne''': We just thought maybe you were made of somethin' stronger.
:''[The gargoyles then turn to stone, leaving Quasimodo with the line &quot;Made of something stronger.&quot;]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' For justice, for Paris, and for her own salvation, it is my sacred duty to send this unholy demon back where she belongs! ''[lights the pyre and the crowd yells in protest against having Esmeralda die in fire]''
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[bellowing]'' '''''NO…!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Archdeacon:''' ''[sternly]'' Frollo, have you gone mad?! I will not tolerate this assault on the House of God!
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Silence, you old fool! ''[tosses the Archdeacon aside]'' The Hunchback and I have unfinished business to attend to. And this time, you will ''not'' interfere. ''[closes and locks door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[to Esmeralda]'' We've done it, Esmeralda; We've beaten them back! Come and see! ''[Esmeralda doesn't respond]'' Esmeralda, wake up. You're safe now. ''[worried]'' Esmeralda? ''[shocked]'' Oh, no. ''[tries giving Esmeralda water, but she doesn't wake up]'' ''[tearfully]'' Oh, no. 
:''[Laverne closes the door and the Gargoyles leave to give Quasimodo an emotional moment as he cries, thinking Esmeralda died. Judge Claude Frollo, however, steps in, with a dagger behind his back and touches Quasimodo on his hump]''
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[whispers angrily]'' You killed her.
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' It was my duty. Horrible as it was, I hope you'll can forgive me. ''[Quasimodo hyperventilates]'' There, there, Quasimodo. I know it hurts. But now, the time has come to end your suffering...forever.
:''[as Judge Claude Frollo draws a dagger, and trying to kill him, Quasimodo notices his shadow and gasps in horror, so he grabs Judge Claude Frollo's right arm, and after a struggle, Quasimodo manages to snatch the dagger and bravely corners Judge Claude Frollo, angrily hyperventilating]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[nervously as Quasimodo advances on him]'' Now, now... Listen to me, Quasimodo.
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[about to yelling at Judge Claude Frollo]'' No! You listen! All my life, you have told me the world is a dark, cruel place. But now I see that the only thing dark ''[throws the dagger to the floor]'' and cruel about it is people like you!
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[off screen, weakly]'' Quasimodo?
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[relieved as he turns and sees Esmeralda is alive with the bed]'' Esmeralda!
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[upon realizing that Esmeralda had survived, and he was enraged]'' She lives. ''[draws his sword]''
:'''Quasimodo:''' &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[as he grabs Esmeralda and runs out onto the balcony. Judge Claude Frollo follows, but when he gets outside, he sees nothing but gargoyles (including) Pumbaa the Warthog with a statue of the gargoyle). After looking left and right, he looks out over the edge and finds Quasimodo hanging there with Esmeralda]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Leaving so soon? ''[swings his sword, but Quasimodo dodges the blow by swinging to another spot, and misses. Down on the ground, the villagers and guards stop the fight to watch]''
:'''Villager:''' ''[points to Quasimodo, Esmeralda and Judge Claude Frollo fighting to the final battle at the balcony of the Cathedral]'' Look! Up there!
:''[Judge Claude Frollo goes to swings his sword again]''
:'''Quasimodo:''' Hang on! ''[as he swings off again, just narrowly missing Judge Claude Frollo's sword. Finally, Judge Claude Frollo is about to kill Esmeralda, but Quasimodo pushes her out of the way]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' I should have known you'd risk your life to save that gypsy witch! Just as your own mother died trying to save you.
:'''Quasimodo:''' ''[realizes what Judge Claude Frollo's saying about his mother's death; shocked and horrified]'' What?
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:'''  Now, I'm going to do what I should have done, 20 years ago! ''[furiously throws his cape over Quasimodo's face and tries to throw him down]''
:'''Quasimodo:''' Ohh! Ugh!
:''[And at the same time, Judge Claude Frollo also falls]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' Whoaaaaa! Oh!
:''[But Quasimodo holds Judge Claude Frollo's cape, and Esmeralda grabs Quasimodo. Judge Claude Frollo sees a gargoyle and swings to it and grabs it]''
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[grunting]'' Hold on! Hold on!
:''[Quasimodo loses consciousness and drops Judge Claude Frollo's cape, as Judge Claude Frollo stands on top of the gargoyle and laughs evilly. He raises his sword, and trying to kill her]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' ''[His last words before his death]'' And he shall smite the wicked, and plunge them into the fiery pit!
:''[The gargoyle Judge Claude Frollo's standing on starts to collapse beneath him, and he drops his sword and grabs the gargoyle as it comes alive (the Cathedral was observing Judge Claude Frollo's action for 2 decades and finally had enough of him) and angrily roars thunderously at his face]''
:'''Lion:''' Roar!
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' &lt;big&gt;'''''NOOOOO!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[And he screams in horror as he falls into a sea of molten copper below along with the gargoyle still roaring at him]''
:'''Judge Claude Frollo:''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Finally killing him for good and ending his tyranny once and for all]''
:'''Esmeralda:''' ''[losing her grip]'' Quasimodo. Quasi-- ''[drops Quasimodo]'' '''''NOOOOOO!'''''
:''[Phoebus catches Quasimodo, saving his life.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Quasimodo has saved all of Paris from Judge Claude Frollo’s tyranny]''
:'''Clopin:''' Three cheers, for Quasimodo!
:''[the crowd cheers]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[before closing credits]''
:'''Laverne:''' ''[annoyed with the birds landing on her]'' Don't you ever migrate?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bonus post-credits scene at the railing of the Notre Dame Cathedral, when Hugo the Gargoyle waves and breaks the fourth wall, directly to the audience]''
:'''Hugo:''' Good night, everybody! Wah-ha-hoo!

== Cast ==
* [[w:Tom Hulce|Tom Hulce]] — Quasimodo 
* [[Demi Moore]] — Esmeralda
* Heidi Mollenhaur - Esmeralda (singing)
* [[w:Tony Jay|Tony Jay]] — Judge Claude Frollo 
* [[Kevin Kline]] — Captain Phoebus
* [[w:Paul Kandel|Paul Kandel]] — Clopin
* [[w:Jason Alexander|Jason Alexander]] — Hugo
* [[w:Charles Kimbrough|Charles Kimbrough]] — Victor
* [[w:Mary Wickes|Mary Wickes]] — Laverne (final role)
* [[w:David Ogden Stiers|David Ogden Stiers]] — Archdeacon
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] -Quasimodo's mother
* [[Frank Welker]] - Djali the Goat
* [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] - Guards

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996 film)}}
* {{imdb title|id=0116583|title=The Hunchback of Notre Dame}}
{{Authority control}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Hunchback of Notre Dame, The}}
[[Category:1996 animated films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Romance films]]
[[Category:Films about death]]
[[Category:Films directed by Gary Trousdale]]
[[Category:Films directed by Kirk Wise]]
[[Category:Films about disability]]
[[Category:Films set in the Middle Ages]]
[[Category:Disney Renaissance]]
[[Category:1990s English-language films]]</text>
      <sha1>5495x6pcsbkymqm3szu2noewmuy681f</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>July 11</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>26149</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963249</id>
      <parentid>3776836</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-11T00:07:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kalki</username>
        <id>71</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>update</comment>
      <origin>3963249</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="28208" sha1="sbk1fhaq3bxs0k6m3yxwolfue28bp8e" xml:space="preserve">&lt;div id=&quot;11&quot; style=&quot;margin: 1em 0em; border: thin solid black; padding: 3px; background-color:#CFE5FF;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122); font: bold 14pt sans-serif;&quot;&gt;[[Category:Days]][[w:July 11|July 11]]&lt;/div&gt; &lt;noinclude&gt;'''Quotes of the day''' from previous years:&lt;/noinclude&gt;

;2003
: I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. ~ [[Martin Luther King, Jr.]]
:* First &quot;Quote of the Day&quot; at Wikiquote, selected by [[User:Nanobug|Nanobug]]

;2004:
:The old order changeth, yielding place to new, and God fulfils himself in many ways lest one good custom should corrupt the world. ~ [[Alfred Tennyson|Alfred, Lord Tennyson]] in ''[[Idylls of the King]]''
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

;2005
: All men profess honesty as long as they can. To believe all men honest would be folly. To believe none so is something worse. ~ [[John Quincy Adams]] (born 11 July 1767)
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

;2006
:Posterity: you will never know how much it has cost my generation to preserve your freedom. I hope you will make good use of it. ~ [[John Quincy Adams]] (born 11 July 1767)
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]
&lt;!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 8 July 2005 22:19 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 10:32, 8 July 2006 (UTC), especially as (we) Americans are rapidly tossing away that freedom out of stark fear and unprincipled self-interest, all the more ironic that it's being happily taken away by a new King George. --&gt;

; 2007
: I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority. ~ [[E. B. White]]
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]]&lt;!-- * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 10:31, 8 July 2007 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:06, 11 July 2007 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2008
: Sailors have an expression about the weather: they say the weather is a great bluffer. I guess the same is true of our human society — things can look dark, then a break shows in the clouds, and all is changed. ~ [[E. B. White]]
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 21:59, 10 July 2008 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:06, 11 July 2007 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:22, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 15:11, 10 July 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2009
: I can never join with my voice in the toast which I see in the papers attributed to one of our gallant naval heroes. I cannot ask of heaven success, even for my country, in a cause where she should be in the wrong. ''Fiat justitia, pereat coelum''. My toast would be, may our country always be successful, but whether successful or otherwise, always right. ~ [[John Quincy Adams]] (in response to [[Stephen Decatur]]'s famous phrase, &quot;our country, right or wrong&quot;. The Latin phrase is an ancient one that can be translated as : &quot;Let justice be done though heaven should fall.&quot;)
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:15, 10 July 2009 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 8 July 2005 22:19 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 3 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 10:32, 8 July 2006 (UTC). Would that we had a single JQ Adams in this age.
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 10:31, 8 July 2007 (UTC)
* 3 because even when wrong, one's loyalty and devotion makes it right. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:22, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2010
: Life's meaning has always eluded me and I guess it always will. But I love it just the same. ~ [[E. B. White]]
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 10:07, 9 July 2010 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:06, 11 July 2007 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt;
* 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:22, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 15:11, 10 July 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2011
: &quot;[[w:In God We Trust|In God We Trust.]]&quot; … It is simple, direct, gracefully phrased: it always sounds well — In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true. And in a measure it is true — half the nation trusts in Him. That half has decided it. ~ [[Mark Twain]]
:* proposed by [[User:MosheZadka|MosheZadka]] &lt;!-- &quot;In God We Trust.&quot; I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true. — [[Mark Twain]]
* 3 ~ [[User:MosheZadka|MosheZadka]] [[User talk:MosheZadka|(Talk)]] 08:51, 25 Jun 2005 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:121a0012|121a0012]] June 27, 2005 03:52 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:AllanHainey|AllanHainey]] June 27, 2005 11:37 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:22, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 14:44, 28 June 2011 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;1 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:15, 10 July 2009 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;, but would extend this to:
:: &quot;In God We Trust.&quot; … It is simple, direct, gracefully phrased: it always sounds well — In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true. And in a measure it is true — half the nation trusts in Him. That half has decided it. --&gt;

; 2012
{{quote of the day
| quote = I wanted you to see what real [[courage]] is, instead of getting the [[idea]] that courage is a man with a [[gun]] in his [[hand]]. It's when you [[Knowledge|know]] you're licked before you [[Beginning|begin]], but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.
| author = Harper Lee
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- (in ''To Kill a Mockingbird'' — first published on 11 July 1960)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 18:43, 6 July 2012 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:15, 10 July 2009 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt;
* 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 18:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2013
{{quote of the day
| quote = One of the most [[time]]-consuming things is to have an [[enemy]].
| author = E. B. White
}}
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]]&lt;!-- * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 10:31, 8 July 2007 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:06, 11 July 2007 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.
* 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:22, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 4 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2014
{{quote of the day
| quote = [[Humor]] can be dissected, as a [[frog]] can, but the thing [[dies]] in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the [[pure]] [[scientific]] [[mind]].
| author = E. B. White
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] &lt;!-- Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind. ~ [[E. B. White]]

OR

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. ~ [[E. B. White]]
* 4 for both versions. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:25, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:38, 9 July 2014 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:15, 10 July 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 3, or an eventual 4, but only for the first sourcable version. &lt;/s&gt;
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2015
{{quote of the day
| quote = Before you can be an [[World economy|internationalist]] you have first to be a [[naturalist]] and feel the ground under you making a [[whole]] [[circle]]. It is easier for a [[human|man]] to be [[loyal]] to [[Groupthink|his club]] than to his [[planet]]; the bylaws are shorter, and he is personally acquainted with the other members. A club, moreover, or a [[nation]], has a most attractive offer to make: it offers the right to be exclusive. There are not many of us who are physically constituted to resist this strange [[delight]], this nourishing privilege. It is at the bottom of all [[fraternities]], [[societies]], orders. It is at the bottom of most [[trouble]]. The planet holds out no such inducement. The planet is everybody's. [[All]] it offers is the [[grass]], the [[sky]], the [[water]], the ineluctable [[dream]] of [[peace]] and fruition.
| author = E. B. White
}}
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]]&lt;!-- * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 10:31, 8 July 2007 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:50, 10 July 2015 (UTC) &lt;s&gt; 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:06, 11 July 2007 (UTC) with a lean toward 4 &lt;/s&gt; but extended for context to read:
:: Before you can be an internationalist you have first to be a naturalist and feel the ground under you making a whole circle.It is easier for a [[man]] to be [[loyal]] to his club than to his [[planet]]; the bylaws are shorter, and he is personally acquainted with the other members. A club, moreover, or a nation, has a most attractive offer to make: it offers the right to be exclusive. There are not many of us who are physically constituted to resist this strange delight, this nourishing privilege. It is at the bottom of all fraternities, societies, orders. It is at the bottom of most trouble. The planet holds out no such inducement. The planet is everybody's. All it offers is the grass, the sky, the water, the ineluctable dream of peace and fruition.
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:22, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2016
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; When you consider that there are a thousand ways to [[express]] even the [[simplest]] [[idea]], it is no [[wonder]] [[writers]] are under a great strain. Writers [[care]] [[greatly]] how a thing is said — it makes [[all]] the difference. So they are constantly faced with too many [[choices]] and must make too many [[decisions]]. &lt;br /&gt; I am still [[encouraged]] to go on. I wouldn't [[know]] where else to go.
| author = E. B. White
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 12:29, 10 July 2016 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:15, 10 July 2009 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 18:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
* 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2017
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; The [[duties]] of [[man]] consist in alternate [[action]] and [[meditation]], mutually [[aiding]] and relieving each other; and both, directed with undeviating aim, to the [[progressive]] improvement of himself and his fellow creatures. [[Heaven]] has given him in charge, to promote the [[happiness]] and [[well-being]] of himself, his [[wife]], his [[children]], his kindred, his [[neighbors]], his fellow [[citizens]], his [[country]], and [[Humankind|his kind]]; and the great [[problem]] of [[legislation]] is, so to [[organize]] the civil [[government]] of a [[community]], that this gradation of duties, may be made to [[harmonize]] in all its parts — that in the operation of [[human]] institutions upon [[social]] [[action]], [[self-love]] and social may be made the same.
| author = John Quincy Adams
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- The great problem of legislation is, so to organize the civil government of a community … that in the operation of human institutions upon social action, self-love and social may be made the same. ~ [[John Quincy Adams]]
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:58, 10 July 2017 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:15, 10 July 2009 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt; but would now extend this to read:
{{quote of the day
| quote = The [[duties]] of [[man]] consist in alternate [[action]] and [[meditation]], mutually [[aiding]] and relieving each other; and both, directed with undeviating aim, to the [[progressive]] improvement of himself and his fellow creatures. [[Heaven]] has given him in charge, to promote the [[happiness]] and [[well-being]] of himself, his [[wife]], his [[children]], his kindred, his [[neighbors]], his fellow [[citizens]], his [[country]], and [[Humankind|his kind]]; and the great [[problem]] of [[legislation]] is, so to [[organize]] the civil [[government]] of a [[community]], that this gradation of duties, may be made to [[harmonize]] in all its parts — that in the operation of [[human]] institutions upon [[social]] [[action]], [[self-love]] and social may be made the same.
| author = John Quincy Adams
}}
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 18:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
* 1 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2018
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; I am a member of a [[Political parties|party]] of one, and I [[live]] in an age of [[fear]].
| author = E. B. White
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:45, 10 July 2018 (UTC) &lt;s&gt; 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 21:59, 10 July 2008 (UTC) with a very strong lean toward 4. &lt;/s&gt;
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 03:58, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2019
{{quote of the day
| quote = If the [[world]] were merely [[seductive]], that would be easy. If it were merely [[challenging]], that would be no [[problem]]. But I arise in the [[morning]] torn between a [[desire]] to improve (or [[save]]) the world and a [[desire]] to [[enjoy]] (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to [[plan]] the day.
| author = E. B. White
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- {{quote of the day
| quote = ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; If the [[world]] were merely [[seductive]], that would be easy. If it were merely [[challenging]], that would be no [[problem]]. But I arise in the [[morning]] torn between a [[desire]] to improve (or [[save]]) the world and a [[desire]] to [[enjoy]] (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to [[plan]] the day.
| author = E. B. White
}}
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:01, 11 July 2019 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:06, 11 July 2007 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4. &lt;/s&gt;
&lt;!-- Layout used in 2019 — after considering File:Black Marble Americas.jpg — and then re-discovering this layout almost used in 2017 — prior to going with J Q Adams quote: {| style=&quot;background: {{{color}}};color:{{{foreground|var(--color-base-fixed,#202122)}}};&quot;
| align=center | [[File:The open window (6028681236).jpg |292px]]
| align=center | &amp;nbsp;
| align=center | {{quote of the day
| quote = If the [[world]] were merely [[seductive]], that would be easy. If it were merely [[challenging]], that would be no [[problem]]. But I arise in the [[morning]] torn between a [[desire]] to improve (or [[save]]) the world and a [[desire]] to [[enjoy]] (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to [[plan]] the day.
| author = E. B. White
}}
| align=center | &amp;nbsp;
| align=center |
|}
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:22, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 15:11, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2020
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; [[Folks]] don’t like to have somebody around [[Knowledge|knowin’]] more than they do. It aggravates ‘em. You’re not gonna [[change]] any of them by talkin’ right, they’ve got to [[Desire|want to]] [[learn]] themselves, and when they don’t want to learn there’s [[nothing]] you can do but keep your mouth shut or talk their [[language]].
| author = [[Harper Lee]] ~&lt;br /&gt;&lt;small&gt; in &lt;/small&gt;&lt;br /&gt;~ ''[[w:To Kill a Mockingbird (novel)|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]], for 60th anniversary of work first published on 11 July 1960.&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:12, 11 July 2020 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:15, 10 July 2009 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 18:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2021
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; Anyone who writes ''down'' to [[children]] is simply wasting his [[time]]. You have to write up, not down. Children are demanding. They are the most attentive, [[curious]], eager, observant, sensitive, quick, and generally congenial readers on [[earth]]. They [[accept]], almost without question, anything you present them with, as long as it is presented [[honestly]], fearlessly, and clearly.
| author = E. B. White
}}
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]]&lt;!-- Children are demanding. They are the most attentive, curious, eager, observant, sensitive, quick, and generally congenial readers on earth. They accept, almost without question, anything you present them with, as long as it is presented honestly, fearlessly, and clearly. ~ [[E. B. White]]
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 10:31, 8 July 2007 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:00, 11 July 2021 (UTC) &lt;s&gt; 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:06, 11 July 2007 (UTC) with a lean toward 4. (— but extended this slightly for context.)&lt;/s&gt;
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:22, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 1 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt; 

; 2022
{{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; [[Democracy]] is the recurrent [[suspicion]] that more than half of the [[people]] are right more than half of the time. It is the [[feeling]] of [[privacy]] in the [[voting]] booths, the feeling of [[communion]] in the [[libraries]], the feeling of [[vitality]] everywhere.
| author = E. B. White
}}
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]]&lt;!-- Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. ~ [[E. B. White]] (born July 11, 1899)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 10:31, 8 July 2007 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:32, 10 July 2022 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:06, 11 July 2007 (UTC) with a lean toward 4,&lt;/s&gt;  but would prefer to extend this to &quot;Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. It is the feeling of privacy in the voting booths, the feeling of communion in the libraries, the feeling of vitality everywhere.&quot;
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:22, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC) (&quot;1&quot; without Kalki's expansion) --&gt;

; 2023
{{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; [[Mockingbirds]] don't do one thing but make [[music]] for us to [[enjoy]]. They don't eat up [[people]]'s [[gardens]], don't nest in corncribs, they don't do one thing but [[sing]] their [[hearts]] out for us. That's why it's a [[sin]] to [[kill]] a mockingbird.
| author = Harper Lee
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- Mockingbirds don't do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don't eat up people's gardens, don't nest in corncribs, they don't do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That's why it's a sin to kill a mockingbird. ~ [[Harper Lee]] (in ''To Kill a Mockingbird'' — first published on 11 July 1960)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:57, 10 July 2023 (UTC) // 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:15, 10 July 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 18:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
* 1 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2024
{{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; I'm gonna be a new kind of [[clown]]. I'm gonna stand in the middle of the ring and laugh at the [[folks]].
| author = Harper Lee
}}:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:54, 10 July 2024 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:15, 10 July 2009 (UTC) with a VERY strong lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt;
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 18:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
* 1 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2025
{{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; I am a member of a [[Political parties|party]] of one, and I [[live]] in an age of [[fear]]. Nothing lately has unsettled my party and raised my fears so much as &lt;!-- your editorial, on Thanksgiving Day, --&gt;… suggesting that employees should be [[required]] to state their [[beliefs]] in order to hold their [[jobs]]. The [[idea]] is inconsistent with our [[constitutional]] [[theory]] and has been stubbornly [[opposed]] by watchful men since the early days of [[United States|the Republic]].
| author = E. B. White
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:23, 10 July 2025 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2026
{{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; Recently I have received echoes down this way of the Hanover County School Board's activities, and what I've heard makes me wonder if any of its members can read. &lt;br /&gt; --&gt;Surely it is plain to the [[simplest]] [[intelligence]] that ''[[w:To Kill a Mockingbird (novel)|To Kill a Mockingbird]]'' spells out in words of seldom more than two syllables a code of [[honor]] and [[conduct]], [[Christian]] in its [[ethic]], that is the heritage of all Southerners. To hear that the novel is &quot;[[immoral]]&quot; has made me count the years between [[now]] and [[Nineteen Eighty-Four|1984]], for I have yet to come across a better example of [[w:doublethink|doublethink]].&lt;!-- &lt;br /&gt; I feel, however, that the problem is one of illiteracy, not Marxism. Therefore I enclose a small contribution to the Beadle Bumble Fund that I hope will be used to enroll the Hanover County School Board in any first grade of its choice. --&gt;
| author = Harper Lee
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:11, 11 July 2025 (UTC) in regard of the anniversary of the publication of ''[[w:To Kill a Mockingbird (novel)|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''. --&gt;

; 2027 : ''[[July 11|Rank or add further suggestions…]]''
----
&lt;noinclude&gt;
&lt;!-- ----
'''Quotes by people born this day, already used as QOTD:''' --&gt; 
----
{{QOTD Ranking}}
----
----

== Suggestions ==

In God we trust, all others must submit an X.509 Certificate - Source unknown
* &quot;In God We Trust&quot; was added to the dollar on July 11th
* 3 ~ [[User:MosheZadka|MosheZadka]] [[User talk:MosheZadka|(Talk)]] 08:51, 25 Jun 2005 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:121a0012|121a0012]] June 27, 2005 03:52 (UTC) (I love this, but I think it may be too esoteric for a general audience.)
* 1 [[User:AllanHainey|AllanHainey]] June 27, 2005 11:37 (UTC) (X.509 don't know what it is but sounds like a USA tax thing - too obscure)
** Actually, it's an [[w:International Telecommunications Union|ITU]] standard. Your browser almost certainly implements it. &lt;small&gt;—The preceding [[Wikipedia:Sign your posts on talk pages|unsigned]] comment was added by [[User:121a0012|121a0012]] ([[User talk:121a0012|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/121a0012|contribs]]) 02:41, 28 June 2005 (UTC{{{3|}}})&lt;/small&gt;&lt;!-- [Template:Unsigned2] --&gt;
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:22, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:15, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
* 1 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC)

----

New York is part of the natural world. I love the city, I love the country, and for the same reasons. The city is part of the country. When I had an apartment on East Forty-Eighth Street, my backyard during the migratory season yielded more birds than I ever saw in Maine. ~ [[E. B. White]]
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 10:31, 8 July 2007 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:22, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 09:03, 2 July 2010 (UTC)
* 1 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 16:52, 4 July 2013 (UTC)

----

A rat is a pig is a dog is a boy. ~ [[Ingrid Newkirk]]
* 3 [[User:DanielTom|DanielTom]] ([[User talk:DanielTom|talk]]) 16:49, 12 July 2014 (UTC)

----

{{quote of the day
| quote = Your whole duty as a writer is to please and satisfy yourself, and the true writer always plays to an audience of one. Start sniffing the air, or glancing at the Trend Machine, and you are as good as dead, although you may make a nice living.
| author = [[E. B. White]] ~&lt;br /&gt; in &lt;br /&gt;~ ''[[The Elements of Style]]''
}}
* 3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:23, 10 July 2025 (UTC)

----

{{quote of the day
| quote = Did it ever occur to you that there's no limit to how complicated things can get, on account of one thing always leading to another? 
| author = E. B. White
}}
* 3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:23, 10 July 2025 (UTC)

----

&lt;!-- interwiki start --&gt;

&lt;!-- interwiki end --&gt;
&lt;/noinclude&gt;</text>
      <sha1>sbk1fhaq3bxs0k6m3yxwolfue28bp8e</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Antz</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>27328</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963150</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-07-10T17:29:28Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Hello er little cutie</username>
        <id>3342755</id>
      </contributor>
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      <text bytes="67589" sha1="4dkb71rcjibru8htphsc8orijhu14w3" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Antz-logo.svg|thumb|right]]
'''''[[w:Antz|Antz]]''''' is a [[w:1998 in film|1998]] American animated [[w: comedy film|comedy film]] produced by [[w:DreamWorks Animation|DreamWorks Animation]] and [[w:Pacific Data Images|Pacific Data Images]] and distributed by [[w:DreamWorks Pictures|DreamWorks Pictures]], centering on a nonconformist worker ant who switches places with a soldier ant, in the process uncovering a plot to destroy the colony.
:''Directed by [[w:Eric Darnell|Eric Darnell]] and [[w:Tim Johnson (film director)|Tim Johnson]]. Written by [[w:Paul Weitz (filmmaker)|Paul Weitz]], [[w:Chris Weitz|Chris Weitz]] and [[w:Todd Alcott|Todd Alcott]].
:''Music by [[Harry Gregson-Williams]] and [[w:John Powell (film composer)|John Powell]].''
{{center|'''See the world from a whole new perspective.''' &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

Ant: What are you bitching about?

== Others ==
* '''Weaver''': ''[to Z]'' Are you nuts?! You want me to switch places with you? Do you know how much trouble you can get into for even talkin' about impersonatin' a soldier? You can get in trouble just for ''listening'' to someone talkin' about impersonatin' a soldier! ''[Everyone who was listening in pretends to fall back asleep]''
* '''Barbatus''': ''[his last words to Z]'' Don't make my mistake, kid. Don't follow orders your whole life. Think for yourself.
* '''Muffy''': Darling, they're poor, they're dirty, they're smelly. We have to help them. ''[to Z and Bala]'' If you just wait right here, we'll get you a little something.
* '''Queen''': ''[to Mandible]'' General, we've been at peace with that colony for years. Why would they attack us?
* '''Psychologist''': Excellent. You’ve made a real breakthrough.
* '''Soldier Ants''': One. Two. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen.
* '''Worker Ants''': ''[chanting]'' We want Z! We want Z!
* '''Chip''': ''[to Muffy]'' Ugh! Please, Muffy, not another crusade.
* '''Grebs''': ''[to Z]'' There is a better place, Insectopia.
* '''Princess Bala''': Labor? What do ''you'' know about labor? How would you feel if you were expected to give birth every ten seconds for the rest of your life?
* '''Colonel Cutter''': Time stands still for no ant.

== Dialogue ==
:''[first lines]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': All my life, I've lived and worked in the big city, which now that I think of it, is kind of a problem since I always feel uncomfortable around crowds. I mean it, I-I have this fear of enclosed spaces. I-I-I, everything makes me feel trapped all the time. You know, I always tell myself, there's gotta be something better out there, but maybe I think too much. I-I-I think everything must go back to the fact that I had a very anxious childhood. You know, my, my mother never had time for me. You know, when you're - when you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention. I mean, how's it possible? And I've always had these, these abandonment issues, which plagued me. My father was basically a drone like I've said, and, you know, the guy flew away when I was just a larva. And my job, don't get me started on, 'cause it really annoys me. I was not cut out to be a worker, I'll tell you right now. I-I-I feel physically inadequate. I, I, my whole life I've never, I've never been able to lift more than ten times my own body weight, And, and, when you get down to it, handling dirt is, you know, ew, is not my idea of a rewarding career. It's this whole gung-ho super-organism thing that, that, that I - you know, I can't get, I try but I don't get it. I mean, you know, I'm... What is it, I'm supposed to do everything for the colony, and, and what about my needs? What about me? I mean, I gotta believe there's someplace out there that's better than this! Otherwise, I'll just curl up in a larval position and weep! The whole system makes me feel... insignificant.
:'''Psychologist''': ''[to Z]'' Excellent. You’ve made a real breakthrough.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I have?
:'''Psychologist''': Yes, Z. You are insignificant.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I am?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the title card appears]''
:'''Man''': Ground floor.
:'''Ant''': Uh, worker. Soldier. Worker.
:'''Worker Ant''': Let's try it again. Firm grip. Swing hard. Back straight. Concentrate. Follow through.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Okay. I've got to keep a positive attitude. A good attitude, even though I'm utterly insignificant. ''[grabs an ax]'' I'm-I'm insignificant, um, but with attitude.
:'''Azteca''': Oh, sorry, Z. I didn't see you.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Great, Azteca. It's working already. I'm so meaningless, I'm invisible. ''[he tries to get the ax out]''
:'''Azteca''': ''[laughing]'' Now, you're getting it. ''[takes the ax out]'' After all, it's not about you. It's about us, the team. It's about this.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Uh, a giant hole in the ground?
:'''Foreman''': Okay, people. Are we feeling good?
:'''All''': Yeah!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yeah.
:'''Foreman''': Great! Now, R-1734 through Z-7829, you guys are on wrecking ball.
:'''Azteca''': You got it.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Swell. You got it.
:'''Worker Ant''': All right, swing time! Let's get physical!
:'''Worker Ant''': I love this job!
:'''Worker Ant''': Let's go!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Now, remember, Azteca, &quot;Be the ball.&quot; That's the main thing. Now, remember that. You know, got to be one with the ball.
:'''Azteca''': Would you cut it out already? Jeez. I love my work. And you, well... You think too much. Come on, Z. Help us build a bigger, better colony. And, for crying out loud, try to be happy about it.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Sure, you know. ''[nervous chuckle]'' I mean, how could I possibly be unhappy being a piece of construction equipment?
:'''Foreman''': Okay, workers, remember.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Here it comes.
:'''Foreman''': Be the ball.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[groans]''
:'''Foreman''': Let the energy flow through you!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Grin and bear it. This is... This is for the colony. Ow! This is... This is just a lawsuit waiting to happen.
:'''Worker Ant''': Hang on, here we go!
:'''Worker Ant''': Faster!
:'''Worker Ant''': Higher!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Did I happen to mention that heights make me nauseous?
:'''Worker Ant''': No.
:'''Worker Ant''': This is a ball! Hey!
:'''Azteca''': Oh, Z.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yes. Yes. I understand. I dropped the ball.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''General Mandible''': ''[his first words]'' Workers. They're weak. They lack discipline. They lack commitment.
:'''Foreman''': ''[he comes in]'' General, I know there's been a glitch or two. But everybody is working full tilt as it is, and-
:'''General Mandible''': You can't help it, it's your nature. But in spite of your limitations, you are going to finish this tunnel on schedule. Come hell or high water. For now on, anyone who falls behind is going to have to explain themselves to Colonel Cutter. And let me assure you, the colonel is not as understanding as I am. Dismissed. Four more days, Cutter. Four more days. Then we can bid final farewell to their kind of incompetence.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Yes, sir.
:'''General Mandible''': A fresh start. Imagine it!
:'''Colonel Cutter''': A strong colony, sir. A colony we can be proud of.
:'''General Mandible''': Yes, but we're not there yet. Cutter, we just got word that a termite army has mobilized against us.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Against us?
:'''General Mandible''': We'll have to send troops deep into hostile territory to attack their colony.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Attack a termite colony, sir? That's suicide.
:'''General Mandible''': Exactly. Do you have the list I asked for?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Yes, General. ''[takes the list to General]'' These are the units loyal to the queen.
:'''General Mandible''': Hm. Then they're the ones we'll be sending. It's a shame. There's some fine officers here.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Don't we need the queen's approval to declare war?
:'''General Mandible''': Our very next stop, Cutter.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Queen''': General, we've been at peace with that colony for years. Why would they attack us?
:'''General Mandible''': They want our land. They're desperate for more foraging territory. Perhaps they think we've grown soft or weak.
:'''Queen''': Why don't we dispatch an ambassador, negotiate a new treaty? Certainly, we don't need to send soldiers.
:'''General Mandible''': Believe me. Every ant in this colony is so precious to me. That's why we must strike now, when we have the element of surprise. If the termite shock troops enter our colony, well...
:'''Queen''': Yes, General, I know what they can do to us. Very well.
:'''General Mandible''': You've made a wise decision. In fact, you've insured the future of this colony.
:'''Princess Bala''': Hello, General.
:'''General Mandible''': Princess Bala. What a nice surprise. You look lovelier each time I see you.
:'''Princess Bala''': Thanks. I hope you're not just here on business.
:'''General Mandible''': Oh, of course... ''[chuckling]'' ...of course not.
:'''Princess Bala''': Because, um, it might be nice if we had a conversation once before we get married.
:'''General Mandible''': You're absolutely right. Cutter, schedule some private time for me and Princess Bala.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Uh, in fact, sir, there is time right now for a personal moment. We're a few seconds ahead of schedule.
:'''General Mandible''': Excellent. Princess.
:'''Princess Bala''': Well, a few seconds isn't much, but I guess if it's quality time. So, how was your day? Anything interesting happen?
:'''General Mandible''': We declared war.
:'''Princess Bala''': Declared war? Boy, talk about a rough day.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Sir, I hate to interrupt, but time stands still for no ant.
:'''General Mandible''': Princess.
:'''Princess Bala''': Mom, could you remind me, why am I marrying this guy?
:'''Queen''': Bala, do we have to argue about this again?
:'''Princess Bala''': We don't seem to have anything in common. The guy's a stiff.
:'''Queen''': Yes, darling. I know the general may be a little gruff and somewhat overbearing at times, but I know that he cares about you. He's just not particulary good at showing it. But you should have seen how persistently he asked for your hand in marriage.
:'''Princess Bala''': But why me?
:'''Queen''': Because you're the one who has to continue my work. It's your place, dear.
:'''Princess Bala''': What if they don't like my place?
:'''Queen''': Everyone has their place, Bala, you, the soldiers, the workers. Now, it's not all that bad being princess, is it? Would you prefer to be carting dirt all day?
:'''Princess Bala''': Mother, don't be so dramatic. At least, they seem to have some fun every now and then.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bartender''': Two aphid beers.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Why'd I have to be born a worker? Soldiers get all the glory, plus you get to go out in the world. You meet interesting insects, you get to kill them.
:'''Weaver''': Yeah. But you get to spend all day with those beautiful worker girls.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Weaver, they're career girls. They're obsessed with digging. ''[sighs]'' I don't think I'm ever gonna meet the right girl for me.
:'''Weaver''': ''[to Z]'' Who said a girl for you? I was talking about a girl for me. Don't you want your aphid beer?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Call me crazy, but... ''[clears throat]'' I have a thing about drinking from the anus of another creature. Okay?
:'''Weaver''': Suit yourself. Ah, me,? I'm cutting a lose. We got a royal inspection coming up.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Inspection, meaning you're gonna stand around like an idiot while a bunch of blue bloods smirk at you. I don't know how you put up with it, Weaver.
:'''Weaver''': Z, I've known you for a long time. Right?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Definitely. You were born two seconds after me.
:'''Weaver''': Yeah, and ever since we were little, I've been listening to you complain. What are you b*tching about? In case you haven't noticed, we ants are running the show! We're the lords of the earth!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Hey, don't talk to me about earth, okay? 'Cause I just spent all day hauling it around. ''[he sighs]'' There's just got to be a better place.
:'''Grebs''': There is. I've been there.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I'm sorry. Were you talking to me?
:'''Grebs''': There is a better place, Insectopia.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, really. Lunatic at 3:00.
:'''Grebs''': You can't understand until you go there and see it yourself. You can be your own ant there. The streets are paved with food. Nobody tellin' you what to do. No wars. No colony. I shoulda never left.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[chuckling]'' Oh, yeah. Fascinating.
:'''Grebs''': We were on a long-range recon. I got cut off from my unit.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Nothing like post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.
:'''Grebs''': Then I saw it, Insectopia!
:'''Worker Ant #1''': Hey!
:'''Grebs''': You head towards the monolith. Ten clicks past the great canyons to the land of red and white.
:'''Guard Ant #1''': ''[takes Grebs]'' Hey, gramps. You've had enough for one tonight. Come on. Before you get in trouble.
:'''Grebs''': Head for the monolith. Listen to me! The monolith!
:'''Weaver''': ''[chuckling]'' That guy's got a screw loose.
:'''Grebs''': Cross the lake!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Insectopia. ''[he scoffs]'' Wouldn't it be great if it were that easy?
:'''Weaver''': ''[chuckling]'' Yeah. Dream on, Z.
:'''Grebs''': Cross the lake! Look for the land of red and white.
:''[Bala sneaks into the bar with two handmaidens]''
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[excited]'' Wow...This is so...''gritty!'' 
:'''Handmaiden #1''': Ten minutes and we're out of here, right? I mean, this place is off limits. 
:'''Princess Bala''': Just blame it on me. Say it was all my idea. 
:'''Handmaiden #2''': It ''is'' all your idea!
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[removes her crown]'' Besides, no one's gonna recognize us. Come on, girls, what do you say? Let's take a walk on the wild side.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Man''': ''[on loud speaker]'' Okay, everybody. 6:15. Time to dance.
:'''Weaver''': ''[to Z]'' Time to cut a rug, Z.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, no. That's okay. I'm gonna leave the rug just the way it is, Weaver.
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[to her handmaidens]'' Step back, ladies. I'm gonna ask one of these workers to dance with me.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[watching the other ants dance in unison]'' What a bunch of losers. Mindless zombies capitulating to an oppressive system-
:'''Princess Bala''': Hi. Wanna dance?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[upon turning to see her]'' Absolutely!
:'''Princess Bala''': Follow me.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[as they step onto the dance floor]'' So, how come I haven't seen you around here before?
:'''Princess Bala''': Oh, I don't get out much. I, uh...I work over at the palace.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': The palace, huh? I bet those royals really live it up. ''[secretively]'' Of course, they're all a little, you know, from inbreeding.
:'''Princess Bala''': ''What?''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yowch! Ya-Ya... Yowch! Yowch. Yowch.
:'''Princess Bala''': What on earth are you doing?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Well, actually, to tell you the truth, I'm sort of making it up.
:'''Princess Bala''': Really?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': You know. Why does everybody have to dance the same way? You know, that's completely boring. It's... It's monotonous.
:'''Princess Bala''': It's no fun.
:'''Bar Guy''': Hey. Watch your step, worker.
:'''Princess Bala''': You watch yours, buddy, or you'll be in big trouble.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': That's okay. I'll... I'm gonna let him off this time. What? Are you crazy? This guy's built like a pebble.
:'''Princess Bala''': Aren't you even gonna defend yourself?
:'''Bar Guy''': Hey, buddy. Get back in place.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Me? Uh... Uh...
:'''Princess Bala''': What if he doesn't want to?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[clears throat]'' Yeah. What if I don't like my place?
:'''Bar Guy''': What's he talking about?
:'''Bar Guy''': We got us a troublemaker.
:'''Bar Guy''': Buckle up, Spanky. This one goes out to all the lazy workers.
:'''Weaver''': You ought to watch that aggressive behavior, buddy.
:'''Bar Guy''': He's just a worker.
:'''Handmaiden #1''': Princess Bala! Princess Bala! The guards are coming.
:'''Princess Bala''': Let's get outta here.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Wait! Princess? You're a princess?
:'''Princess Bala''': Uh, I gotta go.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': When can I see you again?
:'''Princess Bala''': Let me think. Never. ''[kisses Z]'' Bye.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': No. Wait.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[singing]'' What a day it has been, what a rare mood I'm in. Why, it's almost like being in love. There's a smile.
:'''Azteca''': Huh?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[continues singing]'' On my face for the whole insect race. Why, it's almost like being in love. Yowch.
:'''Bartender''': ''[to Z]'' Can I get you another one, pal?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[sighing]'' No, thanks. I think I'm gonna go.
:'''Bartender''': Yeah. I don't blame you. It's always slow in here the night before one of those royal reviews. I guess soldiers need their shut-eye before they meet the queen. I don't blame ya.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': That's it!
:'''Bartender''': You know, I was once... See ya.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Psst. Weaver. I figured it out. Weaver. Weaver.
:'''Weaver''': What? What? ''[clears throat]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I got a great idea. You gotta switch places with me. Let me go to the inspection instead of you.
:'''Weaver''': What time is it?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Weaver. The royal family will be there. This is the only way I can see her.
:'''Weaver''': See who?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Princess Bala.
:'''Weaver''': ''[getting out of bed]'' Are you nuts? You want me to switch places with you? Do you know how much trouble you can get into for even talking about impersonating a soldier? You can get in trouble just for listening to someone talking about impersonating a soldier!
:''[Everyone who was listening in pretends to fall back asleep]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': You have to help me. If I can't see her again, my life is just not worth living. Please, Weaver, ''please''. Switch jobs with me just, you know, for a day. Think of all the things I've done for you.
:'''Weaver''': ''[pauses]'' Hm. I can't think of any.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Okay, so think of all the things that I'm ''gonna'' do for you!
:'''Weaver''': ''[glances around, then leans in secretively]'' Would I meet some worker girls?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Are you kidding? They always go after the new guy! It's like a sport for them! And believe me, they will definitely go for an adorable little insect like you.
:'''Weaver''': Mmm.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Weaver, I... I have to see her again.
:'''Weaver''': Z, what kind of chance do you have with a princess? I mean, she probably won't even remember you.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[sighs]'' I... I know it sounds nuts, but I have to try.
:'''Weaver''': Oh, boy. ''[he exhales]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Princess, fancy meeting you here. What do you say we lose this crowd? Oh, me? You know, I... I wear many hats. I guess you'd have to call me a Renaissance ant.
:'''Man''': Eyes right!
:'''General Mandible''': Beautiful. Just beautiful.
:'''Princess Bala''': Mm.
:'''General Mandible''': The precision. The order.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Princess Bala! Princess Bala! Hey. It's me. Remember Z from the bar? Princess Bala! Princess Bala! Princess...
:'''Queen''': Bala, you must encourage the troops. Wave.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh. She sees me. Excuse me, guys. I... Sorry. I just got a better offer. Could you excuse me?
:'''Soldier Ant''': Company halt!
:''[they all leave]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Princess. Princess Bala!
:'''Soldier Ant''': Quiet there! Get back in rank.
:'''Barbatus''': You new, kid?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, yes, but I'm getting out soon. I got a trial membership.
:'''Barbatus''': Trial membership. ''[chuckling]'' That's a good one! Name's Barbatus.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Z.
:'''Man''': Right face!
:'''Barbatus''': Psst.
:'''General Mandible''': Sacrifice. To some, it is just a word. To others, it is a code.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Jeez. I'm really bad at word games.
:'''General Mandible''': A solider knows that the life of an individual ant doesn't matter. What matters is the colony. He's willing to live for the colony, to fight for the colony, to die for the colony.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': This guy's crazy.
:'''Barbatus''': I hear ya.
:'''General Mandible''': At 0800 hours, we received word that the termite enemy has mobilized. We have no choice but to launch a preemptive strike. You are the queen's finest. I know you will all do you duty. I am proud to send you into battle.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Into... I'm sorry-I'm sorry, into battle?
:'''General Mandible''': Dismissed.
:'''Man''': Left face! Forward march!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Talk to me. You know, I think there's been a terrible mistake. ''[being shipped off to battle]'' You know, the truth is I just... I just came for the speech.
:'''Barbatus''': Don't worry, kid. I'll watch out for ya.
:'''Ant''': Sound off.
:'''Soldier Ant''': One.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Two.
:'''Ant''': Sound off.
:'''Barbatus''': Three.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Huh?
:'''Ant''': Sound off.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Five.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Six.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Seven.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Eight.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Nine.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Ten.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Eleven.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Twelve.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Thirteen.
:'''Soldier Ant''': ''[singing]'' The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah!
:'''All''': ''[singing]'' We slaughter termites just for fun, hurrah, hurrah!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': So these termites, they're, they're pushovers, right?
:'''Barbatus''': Not really, kid. They're five times our size, and they shoot acid from their foreheads.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Huh?! ''[stops marching, gaping in disbelief]''
:'''Soldier Ant''': ''[gives Z a shove from behind]'' Hey! Keep it movin', shorty!
:''[Later, as the ant army is marching towards the termites' nest]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': So, what exactly does our platoon do? Are we gonna be serving beverages, or processing paperwork?
:'''Barbatus''': Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle.
:''[They marched up the termites' nest]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[panicked]'' Hey, wait a minute, let's not get...we're being too hasty here! These guys sound like ''bruisers!'' Just how were you figuring on beating them?!
:'''Barbatus''': Superior numbers, kid. Overwhelm their defenses, and kill their queen. 
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[stammering]'' I, um...Hey, fellas, that's...you're being a little extreme, I feel. Why don't...Why don't we just try and influence their political process with campaign contributions?
:'''Barbatus''': ''[laughing]'' I like you, kid. You got a sense of humor!
:'''Ant Officer''': '''FORWARD!!'''
:'''Barbatus''': Come on! Let's kick some termite butt!
:'''Soldier Ant''': '''OVER THE TOP!!!'''
:'''Soldier Ant''': Where is everyone?
:'''Soldier Ant''': Something's not right.
:'''Barbatus''': Don't be scared, kid.
:'''Ant Officer''': '''ATTACK!!!'''
:'''Soldier Ant''': Come on.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Barbatus, you saved my life.
:'''Barbatus''': Ah, don't get all sappy about it.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Hey, guys. Look out behind you! Hey... Hey, guys. Can somebody help me here? Can anybody... Hey.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Weaver''': Yeah. ''[he breaks the wall]'' Okay, mama. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big guy comin' through. Love it.
:'''Azteca''': Hey. Hey. Hey. Take it easy, muscles. You're makin' the rest of us look bad. What happened to Z?
:'''Weaver''': He's takin' a personal day, so I'm fillin' in.
:'''Azteca''': ''[admiring]'' You fill in any more, and you'll explode.
:'''Azteca''': Eh, you got a problem?
:'''Weaver''': No, uh, uh... Nobody told me digging was so much fun. You know, you pick the dirt up. You move it. You pick it up again. You move it again. Lots of reps. You exercise the arms and the thorax.
:'''Azteca''': Yes, I... I see what you mean.
:'''Foreman''': Um. Yeah. That is fascinating.
:'''Weaver''': Sorry, sir. I was just havin' a chat with my friend, sir.
:'''Foreman''': You know, I just had a chat with General Mandible. Anybody who doesn't meet his quota is going to be downsized.
:'''Azteca''': Come on. Cut him a break. He's new.
:'''Foreman''': Hey. What do you say we help your attitude a little bit by taking away your rations for the day. Thanks for your time.
:'''Azteca''': I don't know what came over me. Talking back like that. ''[he starts cutting]'' I must be losin' it.
:'''Weaver''': Sorry I got you in trouble. But, listen, you can share my rations. Whoa. If you want.
:'''Azteca''': ''[guards the ax]'' Are you askin' me out to dinner?
:'''Weaver''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, no. I... Well, if you don't have anything else planned.
:'''Azteca''': ''[laughing]'' I'll check my calendar. You know, I'm kinda glad Z's takin' a breather.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Outside, Z emerged and saw the blood bath he saw. All of the ants and termites were all dead.]''
:'''Barbatus''': ''[to Z]'' Kid! Kid, over here.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Barbatus.
:'''Barbatus''': Be honest, kid. Am I hurt bad?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': N-No. N-Not at all. You're... Actually, you're lookin' terrific. You got, you know, swell color in your cheeks.
:'''Barbatus''': No. I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. Help me up, Z. ''[sniffing]'' I can't feel my legs.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': You gotta hang in there, buddy. You know. I know you're gonna make it. Just take... take deep breaths. Because I'm gonna try and find your body. It's bound to be out there somewhere. ''[to Barbatus]'' Barbatus, hang on. B-Barbatus.
:'''Barbatus''': Don't make my mistake, kid. Don't follow orders your whole life. Think for yourself.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Barbatus.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Colonel Cutter''': We're on schedule. Work is completed on &quot;A&quot; section sir, including a path through &quot;D&quot; section now.
:'''General Mandible''': We need to push harder, Cutter. I want double shifts around-the-clock. We can't afford to let up. Is that clear?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Crystal, sir.
:'''General Mandible''': Good. What about section...
:'''Guard Ant''': ''[he comes in]'' Excuse me, sir.
:'''General Mandible''': This had better be important.
:'''Guard Ant''': Well, it's about the termite battle, sir. The enemy was destroyed, but I'm afraid it was a disaster for our troops, as well.
:'''General Mandible''': Well, that's terrible. Terrible.
:'''Guard Ant''': There is a better good news, sir. One soldier did make it back.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': No kidding.
:'''General Mandible''': What did you say?
:'''Guard Ant''': Word is spreading through the colony. The queen requested a meeting with the war hero.
:'''General Mandible''': ''[on hearing that one soldier survived the battle with the termites]'' Damn! ''[covering his true feelings]'' Good. damn good. Uh, I'll handle this. ''[he walks to Z and Ant]'' Congratulations, soldier. ''[chuckling]'' Well, you're a little short for a war hero, aren't you?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': A war hero? Sir. I-I don't actually think that I'm a hero.
:'''General Mandible''': ''[takes Z]'' Good. I don't like heroes.
:''[the worker ants cheers]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': But, sir. You don't understand. I... I didn't do anything. I mean, it was all horrible. It was just a massacre. A-A massacre upon a massacre.
:'''General Mandible''': ''[to Z]'' That's good, soldier. Now, wave.
:''[the worker ants cheering, Z waves his arm, the worker ants continue cheering]''
:'''Azteca''': There was nothing you could do, Weaver. You didn't know they were going to war.
:'''Weaver''': I just feel horrible. Poor Z. I should have never let him go.
:'''Azteca''': Wait a minute. That's no soldier. That's Z!
:'''Weaver''': Z? The little guy made it! ''[he chuckles]''
:'''General Mandible''': Let's go, soldier.
:''[the worker ants cheering]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''General Mandible''': As I was saying, son, you are an ant after my own heart. An ant that looks death in the face and laughs.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Well, actually, the truth is, I-I generally just make belittling comments, and snicker behind death's back. ''[chuckling]''
:'''Queen''': General Mandible.
:'''General Mandible''': ''[to Z]'' Keep your comments to yourself. Let me do the talking. May I present Her Majesty the Queen.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Charmed. Charmed.
:'''General Mandible''': And the royal Princess Bala.
:'''Queen''': Welcome home, soldier. We cannot begin to express our gratitude for your heroic efforts.
:'''General Mandible''': The private has asked me to convey his most humble appreciation.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Please. Please. It was nothing really. Just your average run-of-the-mill valor, and extraordinary courageousness, you know. In the heat of battle, there's very little time to think. One must attack! Attack! Attack! ''[chuckling]''
:'''General Mandible''': Well, indeed. As you can see, Your Highness, the battlefield is still fresh in his mind. So, begging your pardon, but this is the perfect time to debrief the private.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, please, General. Not on our first date. ''[chuckling]'' Not on our first date.
:'''Princess Bala''': Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[recognizing his line from the night before]'' Well, maybe. ''[takes the hat off]'' Then again, maybe not. And then... then again. Yowch.
:'''Princess Bala''': That's it! You're the guy from the bar.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Don't... Shh.
:'''Queen''': Bar? What bar?
:'''Princess Bala''': I danced with this guy at the bar the other night. He was just a worker then.
:'''Queen''': What were you doing at a bar?
:'''General Mandible''': Precisely what I want to know.
:'''Princess Bala''': No. This isn't about me. I mean, look at this worker. Look what he's done.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I think you're thinkin' of someone else. ''[puts the hat back on]'' After all, I am a soldier.
:'''Princess Bala''': Exactly. You were a worker. But now, you're a war hero.
:'''Queen''': He's a worker?
:'''General Mandible''': A worker danced with my fiancee?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': F-Fiancee? W-W-Wait a minute. This is not how it looks. I can explain this. This... Hey. She was the one making all the moves.
:'''General Mandible''': Arrest him.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': H-Hey wait a minute. Take it easy. Can't we discuss this?
:'''Queen''': What are you doing? Let go of my daughter. He's taking her hostage!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': No. No. No. I'm not. I mean, yes, yes, I am. One more step and then the princess gets it.
:'''Princess Bala''': Let go of me! ''[hits Z]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Ow! Don't make me hurt her!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Princess Bala''': What are you doing, you creep? Are you out of your puny little mind?
:'''Guard Ant''': There they are down there! Let's go! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!
:'''Princess Bala''': Oh, good. Here they come to rescue me and kill you.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Kill?
:'''Princess Bala''': Hey, you guys!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[to Bala]'' Stop it! Stop it. What are you tryin' to do?
:'''Princess Bala''': Get off me, you little twerp!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Wait a minute. What do you want to do? Throw away everything you got?
:'''Princess Bala''': Oh, hey! ''[punches Z]'' What're you waiting for? Hello! Guys!
:'''Guard Ant''': Huh?
:'''Guard Ant''': What is it?
:'''Ridgeway''': It's beautiful.
:'''Guard Ant''': Ridgeway, get out of there!
:''[?]''
:''[Z and Bala both sigh when they escape from the magnifying glass, and hide in the &quot;wilderness&quot;]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, don't worry. I'm okay.
:'''Princess Bala''': ''You?!'' ''You're'' okay?! Hey, who cares about you?! I almost died here!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Will you please calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood, are you?
:'''Princess Bala''': Hey, this is not a mood. Okay? You're not listening to me. Where am I? ''[the praying mantis snores soundly, as the birds chirp in the background]'' Look, what's your name. Just climb up that tree, and find out where I am.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Look, th-the trick is not to panic. You know, h-h-he w-who panics is lost. Aw...What am I saying? I mean, we are lost. ''[climbs up a stem of a thistle plant, but it droops over downwards towards Bala]'' Whoa! Whoa! ''[Bala gasps; he grins and chuckles sarcastically at Bala, but the thistle part of the plant breaks off of the thistle plant, and falls to the ground, with Z holding on to it]'' Ow!
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[to herself]'' I've been kidnapped by the village idiot.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Who's the bigger idiot? ''[gets up, as he plucks the thistle thorns off of his body]'' The idiot, or the idiot who gets kidnapped by the idiot?
:'''Princess Bala''': What'd you do? ''Talk'' those termites to death? I can't believe you tried to pass yourself off as a soldier. Why are you stalking me? Don't you realize that I'm...out of your league?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''You're'' the one who was cruising the worker bar looking for a little action! And you just happened to find it - the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker.
:'''Princess Bala''': Please. I was slumming it. Don't you get it? I chose you because you were the most pathetic little bug in the joint.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': You know, I was gonna let you become part of my most erotic fantasies. But now, you can just forget that! Write it off, you know? I-I guess what you prefer is Old Blood and Guts! This guy's idea of a romantic night out is two seats at a public execution! Boy. You ''really'' chose the right husband. ''[climbs up a spiked stem of a rose]''
:'''Princess Bala''': For your information, the General and I are deeply, deeply in...engaged! You come right back down here this instant! We are marching straight back to the colony, so that I can go straight back to the palace, and tell my mother...
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[moves some of the rose's leaves out of his way with his hand, and sees the &quot;monolith&quot; (a drinking fountain) in the distance, the first of the series of landmarks on the way to Insectopia that Grebs told him about]'' The monolith!
:'''Princess Bala''': ...and you can go back to your stupid little buggy bar!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Absolutely. Wonderful. ''[climbs back down the rose's spiked stem towards Bala, who is standing on the ground]'' That's an appealing offer. But, considering the options, ''you'' go back. Okay? 'Cause I'm going to Insectopia.
:'''Princess Bala''': Oh, come on! Insectopia? You're crazier than I thought.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yeah? Well, I happen to have it on a very reliable source. ''[clears his throat]'' Or...Or should I say, a drunk, raving source? But the point is, I'm convinced the place definitely exists! ''[heads on towards the monolith]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Stop! I ''order'' you to stop, worker!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Hey! I got a name, okay?! It's Z! And out here, you can't order me around! ''[continues walking on]''
:'''Princess Bala''': All right! Fine! No problem! Grr! ''[goes the opposite direction of Z, but suddenly, the ground underneath her starts to shake and rise, and she finds herself on the back of a praying mantis, who turns and gnashes its jaws at her. She gasps, and then runs after Z in terror]'' Worker! Worker, where are you?! Z?! Z, wait for me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cutter watches, as the Queen tells Mandible that she wants Bala back]''
:'''Queen''': No more excuses, General. I want my daughter back. Frankly, I'm beginning to doubt your ability to handle this.
:'''General Mandible''': Believe me, Your Highness, we will spare no effort to bring her back. Princess Bala is essential to all our plans for the future.
:'''Worker Ant''': So he kills himself a hundred termites, gets a few medals, then bada-ding, bada-bip, bags himself the princess.
:'''Worker Ant''': He looks dead in the eye...
:'''Worker Ant''': And says, &quot;Bite me.&quot;
:'''Female Ant''': He said that to General Mandible?
:'''Worker Ant''': Buddy. Hey, hey, buddy. You heard about the war hero named Z? Runs off the the princess, right? When they sent the guards after him, he just looks at 'em and boom! They burst into flames.
:'''Weaver''': Z? ''[chuckling]'' You talkin' about Z? Hey, I know the guy. He's a friend of mine. I think your information...
:'''Worker Ant''': You know Z?
:'''Weaver''': Yeah. He's a worker. He used to dig around here.
:'''Worker Ant''': A worker? That's impossible. A worker can't do anything, except work.
:'''Female Ant''': Yeah. It's not like we got a choice.
:'''Azteca''': We do have a choice. Uh, I mean, look at Z. He decided he wanted something, and he went for it.
:'''Weaver''': He's not alone. I used to be a soldier, and I switched places with him.
:'''Worker Ant''': Wait a second. You're tellin' me, I don't have to be here?
:'''Female Ant''': We've got a choice?
:'''Worker Ant''': The authorities don't want you to know, but we don't have to work on the tunnel any more.
:'''Worker Ant''': It's the workers who control the means of production.
:'''Worker Ant''': If Z don't dig, I don't dig.
:'''Foreman''': People, what is this? An encounter group? Let's get back to work.
:'''Worker Ant''': Why?
:'''Worker Ant''': ...on the tunnel anymore! This guy, Z, he's leadin' the revolution!
:'''Foreman''': I'll get back to you.
:''[the worker ants chattering]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Princess Bala''': Think about it, Z, two ants. Who ever heard of two ants? Two million ants, maybe. But two? Look, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, and this whole desert thing? It just doesn't work for me.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yada, yada, yada.
:'''Princess Bala''': I think it's about time to take me back.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Take yourself back. ''[he scoffs]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Excuse me. You kidnapped me, remember? That means you have certain responsibilities. You can't just abandon me here in the wilderness.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yeah, well, it's better than being back at the colony.
:'''Princess Bala''': You're not serious, are you?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Maybe you were living the high life, but personally, this beats digging. If you'd ever done a day's labor you'd know what I was talking about.
:'''Princess Bala''': Labor? What do you know about labor? How would you feel if you were expected to give birth every ten seconds for the rest of your life?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Gee.
:'''Princess Bala''': Water! All you think about is yourself.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yeah? Well, nobody else ever thought about me. So as far as I'm concerned, I don't need anybody else.
:''[A water droplet landed next to them. Bala looked and saw Z was trapped in a water drop.]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[in a water drop]'' Help! Help me, Bala! Help! B-B-B-B-Bala!
:'''Princess Bala''': Hold on, I'll get you out. Hold on.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Help, Ba...
:''[Bala looked down to see that she can push the droplet down the leaf. She pushed but she end up getting absorbed into the droplet, It rolled down and splashed onto the ground.]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Thanks.
:'''Princess Bala''': Don't mention it. Now, maybe we can put this fantasy behind us, and head back to the colon... Oh, Z! What are you doing?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[gets in the boat]'' We've got to cross the lake.
:'''Princess Bala''': Am I missing something here? Didn't we just get out of the water?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[grabs a stick]'' Bala, look, what have you got to lose? I mean, think about it. Do you really want to be Mrs. Raving Lunatic? There's a better place.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z, please.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Just gimme one chance. If we don't find Insectopia soon, I promise I'll take you back to the colony. ''[puts his hand out, then Bala gets in, then Z rows to go to Insectopia]''
:'''Princess Bala''': I hope you know what you're doing.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yeah, me too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''All''': ''[chanting]'' We want Z! We want Z!
:'''Foreman''': People, come on. I know some ants who aren't gonna make their quota.
:'''Worker Ant''': Buzz off, pawn of the oppressor.
:'''All''': ''[continues chanting]'' We want Z! We want Z!
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Sorry, sir. I came as soon as I heard. I was debriefing the trackers.
:'''General Mandible''': And? What's the report?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Well, this Z, sir. He's one slippery character. They lost Bala's trail at the edge of the lake.
:'''General Mandible''': The lake?
:'''All''': ''[singing]'' All we are saying is give Z a chance.
:'''General Mandible''': What's that soldier doing there?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': It appears he's holding hands, sir, with a worker.
:'''General Mandible''': I don't like the way things are going, Cutter. I'm counting on you for results. Now, can I depend on you or not?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Yes, sir.
:'''General Mandible''': All right, then. Let's wrap this up.
:'''All''': ''[continues chanting]'' We want Z! We want Z! We want Z!
:'''General Mandible''': I've heard a lot about this Z. I even had the pleasure of meeting him once. But where is he know? Can anyone point him out? I mean, if this Z cares so much about us, then why isn't he here? I'll tell you why. Because Z doesn't give a damn about us. That's why he kidnapped our princess. That's why he ran away. Z is no hero. We are the heroes. We are the ones ensuring the future of our great colony. And when we've completed this magnificent structure, we will reap the benefits: more food and less work for everyone. And as further reward for your heroic efforts, each and every one of you will get the day off... so you can be the guests of honor at the MegaTunnel dedication ceremonies!
:''[the ants cheering]''
:'''Foreman''': Mandible! Mandible!
:'''All''': ''[chanting]'' Mandible! Mandible! Mandible! Mandible!
:'''General Mandible''': Now bring me that soldier.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The morning came and Bala woke up to see Z still sleeping. She heads off to see if there is any sign of Insectopia. She looked over the grass and notice something.]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Oh, my God! Z! Come here!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': It's Insectopia!
:'''Princess Bala''': You were right. It really is here.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Huh?
:'''Princess Bala''': All right. All right! You're a genius.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Let's eat.
:''[Z has been trying to feast on a sandwich at a picnic, only to be blocked by the clingfilm it's wrapped in]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Well, what's the problem?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': There's some kind of force-field! ''[above them, two wasps, Chip and Muffy, arrive]'' Uh, excuse me? Excuse me? How...How do you get in?
:'''Chip''': ''[flying down to them]'' Yes, yes, well, I'm afraid this is a ''private'' function.
:'''Muffy''': Who are your friends, dear?
:'''Chip''': ''Crawling'' insects, poopsie.
:'''Muffy''': Oh, the poor dears. ''[to Z and Bala, slowly]'' Uh, good...morning!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Huh?
:'''Chip''': Darling, really? Greeting every insect that emerges out of the grass?
:'''Princess Bala''': Pardon me? I guess you don't recognize me! ''[the wasps land in front of them]'' I've been travelling, and I'm all...schlumpy. I'm Princess Bala.
:'''Chip''': Oh! ''[to Muffy]'' It's even worse. They're Eurotrash!
:'''Muffy''': Darling, they're poor, they're dirty, they're smelly. We have to help them. ''[leaning down, to Z and Bala]'' If you just wait right here, we'll get you a little something.
:'''Chip''': Ugh! Please, Muffy, not ''another'' crusade.
:'''Muffy''': Chippy, we have a social obligation to the less fortunate. ''[Chip rolls his eyes]'' I know you laugh at my hobbies, but this is ''important'' to me!
:''[Z and Bala flinch as she stamps in frustration]''
:'''Chip''': Hm. You have such a big heart. That's why you're my little cuddly-widdles...!
:'''Muffy''': Oh, my big strong pheromone factory...!
:''[The wasps start kissing in an exaggerated manner]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, brother. Suddenly I've lost my appetite. You know... I guess I had imagined Insectopia... I don't know, a little differently.
:''[A massive flyswatter came down on them, Z and Bala dodged in time in one of its holes as it lifted up in the air. Looking over, Bala gasped in horror when she and Z saw that the flyswatter had killed Muffy.]''
:'''Chip''': Oh, Muffy! No! Oh, no! ''[starts crying]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Oh, no.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Look out!
:'''Princess Bala''': Z, help me! Z! Don't let me... Don't let me go, Z. Get me out of here!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Bala! Whoa, this is not good. Whoa! Hi.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yes?
:'''Princess Bala''': It looks like this is it, just when... I was starting to like you.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Who the hell is that?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Weaver is beaten up by soldiers in Mandible's office]''
:'''General Mandible''': That's enough.
:'''Weaver''': I ain't tellin' you nothin'.
:'''General Mandible''': Soldier, the princess is vital to the future of this colony. She must be returned to take their place as queen.
:'''Weaver''': We already have a queen.
:'''General Mandible''': As for your friend, Z, why should I hurt him? ''[chuckling]'' He's not important. Now, soldier, we all know that one individual ant doesn't matter. Not you, not Cutter... not even her.
:''[Azteca is dragged in by more soldiers]''
:'''Weaver''': Azteca! ''[struggles, but is restrained]''
:'''Azteca''': Don't tell that tight-a** anything, Weaver!
:'''General Mandible''': Where is Z?!
:'''Weaver''': I don't know where he is!
:'''General Mandible''': Hmm. That's too bad.
:''[He nods to the soldiers holding Azteca; one closes in on her, and she is heard crying out in pain]''
:'''Weaver''': Wait! Insectopia! I know it sounds crazy, but that's where he'd be going!
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Soldier, you think this is a game? Insectopia does not exist.
:'''General Mandible''': As a matter of fact... it does.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Sir?
:'''General Mandible''': I'll brief you on the coordinates. You're gonna bring the princess back. And as for Z... kill him.
:''[Azteca looks horrified]''
:'''Weaver''': But you said he didn't matter!
:'''General Mandible''': It's for the good of the colony. You made the right decision. Gentlemen, now you can see how dangerous individualism can be. It makes us vulnerable.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Let's go.
:'''General Mandible''': Take him back to the MegaTunnel. Put him on the front line. Dismissed.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Jeez, what was I thinking? I almost got you killed.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z, you know, you really shouldn't be so hard on...
:'''Z Marion-4195''': That's it. I'm taking you back to the colony. Ow! Insectopia. You know, I must've been crazy.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': But you know what? I can admit it when I'm wrong.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': And this time, I gotta tell ya, I was absolutely 100% correct. Have... Have you ever seen anything more beautiful in your life?
:'''Princess Bala''': It's Insect...
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Shh! Don't jinx it. Come on!
:''[Neil Finn music playing a song [[w:I Can See Clearly Now|I Can See Clearly Now]]]''
:'''Neil Finn''': ''[singing]'' ♫I can see clearly now The rain has gone / I can see all obstacles in my way / Gone are the dark clouds That had me blind / It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright, bright, sunshiny day / It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright, bright, sunshiny day / Look all around Nothing but blue skies / Look straight ahead Nothing but blue skies / Whoa / I can see clearly now The rain has gone / I can see all obstacles in my way.♫
:'''General Mandible''': All right, everybody. I want all teams in place, fully prepared, ready to seal the doors here and here. Make certain the digging crew stays on schedule for breakthrough midway in the dedication ceremony. Now all we need is the princess.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Z and Bala sit with some other bugs around a campfire in Insectopia]''
:'''Ladybug''': ''[tasting a brown lump]'' This stuff tastes like crap.
:'''Fly''': Really? Let me try some. ''[tastes it]'' Hey, it ''is'' crap! Not bad. ''[continues eating]'' Somebody needs to feed that fire.
:'''Mosquito''': Dude, I did it last time. 
:'''Fly''': Well, I'm not gonna get it. It's not my job. 
:'''Ladybug''': What about the new guy? He hasn't contributed yet.
:''[They observe Z and Bala talking by themselves]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[about Barbatus]'' And...you know, he just died in my arms like that. I...You know, I don't think he ever once, in his life, made his own choice. 
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[moved and saddened]'' I never knew it was like that. I mean, up in the palace...Well, I guess we just let the General make all the decisions. 
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Let me ask you something - what made you come to the bar that night?
:'''Princess Bala''' : I guess I was looking for a little trouble.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but, uh, I don't want you spreading that around.
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[chuckles]'' You're pretty strange. You do know that, don't you?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Well, ''[clears throat]'' &quot;strange&quot; is...not exactly the word ''I'' would use, you know-
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[smiling]'' I like it. You're not like anyone else. 
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[stammering]'' Actually, now that you mention it, I...there is a certain strangeness to me. I mean, it's a...you know, kind of a bizarre quality. Some have said &quot;freak&quot;. But it's, uh, you know, complimentary. 
:''[Bala keeps smiling, leaning towards him, and they are about to kiss]''
:'''Fly''': Hey, new guy! We need more wood.
:''[Bala shrugs disappointedly]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I'll be right back. Just hold that thought - whatever...whatever it is you were thinking. ''[to the other bugs, as he leaves]'' Hey, you ever wonder why they call you guys &quot;''pests''&quot;?
:'''Mosquito''': What if, like, we're just these tiny things, and we're just, like, part of this whole other huge universe that's, like, so big we don't even know it exists?
:'''Ladybug''': ''[chuckles]'' Man, that is ''so'' deep.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Perfect. Nothing like a little manual labor on the most romantic night of my life.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Hi. I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd drop in. This is, uh, very bohemian.
:'''Bug''': Aloha, dude. Welcome to Insec...
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Sorry for interrupting. You see, our princess has, uh, gone missing, and we're just sick about it. She's about yea tall, fairly easy... ''[pause]'' ...on the eyes. Anybody seen her?
:'''Bug''': That's her.
:''[All of the bugs pointed at Bala who tried to get away.]''
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Don't worry, Princess, you'll be back home soon.
:'''Princess Bala''': Listen, Cutter, I'm... I'm not going back.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': ''[sighs]'' The thing is, Princess, I got orders.
:'''Princess Bala''': Orders? Can't you just once think for yourself?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Well, that was very impressive. Where's Z?
:'''Bug''': Z? He's, uh...
:'''Princess Bala''': Dead. Z's dead. You don't need to worry about him.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Z's dead. Well, he was an ant with ideas. Too bad for him. Princess, your colony needs you.
:'''Princess Bala''': Cutter! Stop right now! Let go of me!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Bala! Stop, you... Oh, no. ''[muttering]'' What am I gonna do? All right, look. Let's be rational about this. You know, Bala and I, you know, she's a princess, and I'm a... I'm a soil-relocation engineer. So wha... You're no... Whew! On the other hand, uh, I've gotta go back for her.
:'''Chip''': I'll-I'll give you a lift. S-S-S... ''[falls to the ground]'' It's the least I can do. Besides, it's what my waddly-kittles would want. ''[he starts crying]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Uh, look... ''[clears throat]'' ...how about a cup of joe first?
:'''Chip''': Well, old boy, saddle up.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I think I saw a puddle of coffee over there. It... Whoa! Look out!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''General Mandible''': Ah, Princess. You're just in time.
:'''Princess Bala''': Take your hands of me. General, what exactly is going on here? I demand an explanation.
:'''General Mandible''': I'll explain everything afterwards. Is the southeast entrance secure?
:'''Guard Ant''': Yes, sir.
:'''Princess Bala''': Not afterwards. Now. I don't like the way you think and I don't like the way you run this colony. And I don't like you. The wedding is off. Things are going to change around here.
:'''General Mandible''': You're right, Princess. Things are going to change. Why don't we make her more comfortable? She'll be here for a while.
:'''Princess Bala''': What do you think you're doing? My mother will have your head.
:'''General Mandible''': I doubt that. ''[chuckling]'' Ah, you've got a fighter spirit, Bala. And that's just what we need to start our new colony. We will rinse away all the filth from our gutters. We'll start anew, with you by my side as my queen.
:'''Princess Bala''': You're crazy.
:'''General Mandible''': I believe history will see things differently. All right, gentlemen. Time to take your positions. Someday... Someday you'll thank me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Z Marion-4195 and Chip''': ''[moaning]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Pull up! Pull up! There it is!
:'''Chip''': Oh! Well, then, go get the woman you love, Z.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': So long, Chip. And thanks.
:'''Soldier Ant''': You there. Where do you think you're goin'?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Me? Oh, no, I was just... You know, I...
:'''Soldier Ant''': You're not supposed to be out here. All workers are to report to the tunnel-opening ceremonies.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yes, yes, of course. The-The tunnel-opening ceremonies. I... Well, I should get going, then. I.. ''[he clears throat]'' You know, the-the...
:'''Soldier Ant''': Hey!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I'm going to the... ''[clears throat]'' ...the tunnel opening ceremonies.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Get moving.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I'd better get goin'. I'm going to the... the tunnel-opening ceremonies. I... Excuse me, please. Tunnel-opening ceremonies.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Hey, worker!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Opening the tunnel. They need me. I'm the key man.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Where do you think you're going?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Tunnel-opening ceremonies.
:'''Princess Bala''': Hey, come on! Let me outta here! Hey!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Gosh, this-this day just keeps getting better and better.
:'''Princess Bala''': I mean big trouble! Are you listening to me out there? I'm the princess, damn it!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Wow, your manners haven't improved much.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z! It's you. You came back for me.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Well, yeah, I came back for you. You know, I have strong feelings for you. Let's face it, you're, you're... ''[he clears throat]'' ...you're beautiful. I... A little combative at times, but I think we can work :on that.
:'''Princess Bala''': You talk too much.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Gee, I think I'm about to become the strong, silent type. Come on. The city's deserted. We'd better get outta here.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z... ''[sighing]'' ...we can't go. Mandible's insane. He... He keeps talking about washing away the filth and-and changing history and, and I think he's going to try to kill my mother.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Not just your mother, everyone.
:'''Princess Bala''': What's going on?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Look. Here we are, safe in the city. But they're gonna seal everybody off in the MegaTunnel. And, here's the lake. You're right. We can't leave now. Come on. We gotta get down there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''General Mandible''': Today is the realization of a dream. A dream of a proud colony. A pure colony. A colony reborn. Moments from now this tunnel will open. The past will be washed away and a new day will dawn.
:'''Queen''': A stirring speech, General. I only wish my daughter were here to appreciate it.
:'''General Mandible''': Your Majesty, I know how concerned you are about Bala. But my scouts are on her trail and it's only a matter of time...
:'''Queen''': General, I don't want to discuss it. Just find her.
:'''General Mandible''': Oh, I will, Your Highness. Good-bye. Seal up the doors. Cutter, did you hear me?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Sir, I've been thinking. Do we need to go through with this? Look at what these workers have done. They got the right stuff. Isn't there any other way?
:'''General Mandible''': Cutter, you're a fine officer. You have discipline, courage, ability. But you seem to have a certain weakness for the lower orders that I find disturbing. Now, are you with me?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Sir, uh… I apologize.
:'''General Mandible''': All right, then. Seal it up.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Yes, sir.
:'''Queen''': As I look out on this magnificent tunnel, I am filled with pride.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Jump!
:'''Queen''': In these difficult times, it is a great solace to know that you, our workers...
:'''Princess Bala''': Mom! Wait!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Every worker in the colony is here. Hey, wait a minute. That guy owes me money.
:'''Queen''': This tremendous accomplishment is a testimony to the strength...
:'''Foreman''': People! Put your backs into it!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Go warn your mother. I gotta get to those diggers before they break through.
:'''Princess Bala''': There's not enough time.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Hey, leave the pessimism to me, okay? ''[Z went to the Tunnel while Bala headed to her mother.]'' Excuse me! Sorry about that. Excuse me.
:'''Queen''': In a few moments, when our expert diggers break through to the surface...
:'''Princess Bala''': Mom! Mom, stop.
:'''Queen''': ...the sun will pour into this... Bala! Where've you been? Are you all right? ''[hugs Bala]''
:'''Princess Bala''': I'm fine.
:'''Queen''': What happened?
:'''Princess Bala''': Mother, we're in terrible danger.
:'''Foreman''': Put your backs into it, people.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Wait! Hold... Hey, stop digging!
:'''Weaver''': Z? Is that you?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Weaver, stop!
:'''Weaver''': Z! You're back! Oh, Z! Oh.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[gasping]'' Weaver!
:'''Azteca''': Z! What's the matter?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Ho-Hold up, everyone. Stop. Stop digging.
:'''Foreman''': On whose authority?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': On your own authority. If you break through that wall, we're all gonna...
:'''Princess Bala''': Drown! This tunnel is going to flood.
:'''Queen''': So we've got to get everyone out of here.
:''[the worker ants murmuring]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Foreman''': Look, I got orders, and those orders say &quot;dig.&quot;
:'''Z Marion-4195''': What if someone ordered you to jump off a bridge? Oh, brother, I'm asking the wrong guy here. Look, think for yourselves!
:'''Foreman''': Give me that! I've enough out of you. Get back to work.
:'''Weaver''': What's that noise?
:'''Foreman''': Uh-oh...
:'''Weaver''': Let's get outta here!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Run!
:''[The hole burst open and water gushed through. Z and the other worker ants started to run for their lives.]''
:'''Weaver''': Run! Keep going!
:'''Queen''': Everyone, listen to me. We've all been deceived. We need to calmly head toward the exits.
:'''Digger''': Run for your lives! It's gonna flood!
:'''Queen''': No. Don't panic. Don't panic!
:'''Worker Ant''': Every ant for himself!
:'''Worker Ant''': All the exits are blocked!
:'''Worker Ant''': We're trapped!
:[Ants screaming while panicked ants are swept away.]
:'''Princess Bala''': What are we going to do?
:'''Foreman''': There's nothing we can do!
:Worker Ant: Oh Ueh!
:Worker Ant: Ah!
:Worker Ant: Go Go Go! Dark!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yes, there is. Weaver, give me a leg up. ''[climbs on Weaver]'' Everyone, listen to me!
:'''Worker Ant''': Who the heck are you?
:'''Princess Bala''': He's Z!
:''[the worker ants chattering]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Listen, we gotta help each other get outta here before we all drown.
:'''Worker Ant''': How?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': By making a ladder.
:'''Female Ant''': A ladder!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Hey, if we built this, we can do anything. ''[jumps off Weaver]'' Okay, let's move it!
:'''Weaver''': I'm on it. All of you, gather around. You, start climbing.
:'''Worker Ant''': Grab my arm.
:'''Worker Ant''': All right. Here I go.
:'''Worker Ant''': Come on.
:'''Worker Ant''': Go, go, go!
:'''Worker Ant''': Right!
:'''Azteca''': Excuse me, Your Majesty. ''[holds up the Queen, by climbing up]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Z, I've gotta help my Mom.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Don't worry. I know almost exactly what I'm doing. ''[hugs Bala]'' I'll see you at the top.
:'''General Mandible''': Gentlemen, there comes a time, in the evolution of a perfect colony, when the strong are meant to rise above the weak. Now is that time. Below us right now, the weak elements of the colony, are being washed away.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, my God, we're not gonna make it! We need more ants.
:'''Weaver''': ''[grunting]'' You two better get up there.
:'''Azteca''': Weaver, you can't hold it alone.
:'''Weaver''': '''GET GOING!'''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Hang in there, buddy.
:''[Z and Azteca began to climb to the top.]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Got it!
:'''Azteca''': Hurry up! Go, go, go, go!
:''[Z began to dig his way to the top]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''General Mandible''': Our princess is secured, and our glorious future is at hand. We can all stand proud. It is time for a new beginning.
:''[The ants made a big hole above the ground avoiding drowning from the oncoming flood]''
:'''General Mandible''': '''WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!'''
:'''Colonel Cutter''': I think that's the &quot;weak elements&quot;, sir.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Gimme a hand!
:'''General Mandible''': Z! '''''YOU?! LET GO!''''' ''[grabs a spear]'' '''''DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! IT'S FOR THE GOOD OF THE COLONY!'''''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': What are you saying?! We ''are'' the colony!
:''[Mandible is about to kill Z with the spear, but Cutter punches his face, knocking him down]''
:'''General Mandible''': ''[rubbing his face]'' Cutter, what are you doing?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Something I should have done, a long time ago. ''This'' is for the good of the colony, sir. :''[grabs onto Z's hand to pull him up]''
:'''General Mandible''': ''[his last words; glares at Cutter in fury]'' '''YOU USELESS, UNGRATEFUL MAGGOT! ''I'' AM THE COLONY!''' ''[charges at him]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[gasps]'' Look out!
:''[As Z pushes Cutter aside, Mandible tackles him and they fall down into the hole past the colony. Mandible hits a root, killing him, and Z lands into the water, uncounscious]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Z!
:''[Cutter's eyes widen]''
:'''Colonel Cutter''': ''[determined]'' Men, let's move it! Get these ants up here.
:''[The soldiers start pulling the ants out. Cutter flies into the hole and dives in. Z continues to sink. Cutter rescues his friend]''
:'''Queen Ant''': Thank goodness we made it.
:'''Princess Bala''': Wait here.
:'''Azteca''': Okay. Weaver.
:'''Worker Ant''': Thank you.
:'''Princess Bala''': Where's Z? Oh, no.
:'''Weaver''': Back up, everybody, back up! Give him some air. Back up.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z, oh, Z. Please wake up.
:'''Azteca''': Oh, no. ''[sobbing]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Huh! ''[coughs]''
:''[The ants start cheering]''
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[kisses Z]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yowch!
:'''Azteca''': You know, Weaver, you still owe me that dinner.
:'''Weaver''': ''[kisses Azteca]'' Babylove.
:'''Azteca''': We made it, Z!
:'''Weaver''': You da ant! ''[congratulates him]''
:'''Princess Bala''': You did it.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': We did it. ''[the ants grab Z and Bala]'' Fellas, fellas, please. This is very embarrasing for me, I...
:''[Bala laughs]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': On the other hand, I probably could get used to this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': There you have it. Your average 'boy-meets-girl, boy-likes-girl, boy-changes-underlying-social-order' story. So, what else can I tell you? We rebuilt the colony - it's even better than before, you know, 'cause now it has a very large indoor swimming pool. Bala and I, incidentally, are thinking of starting a family. You know, just a few kids, maybe a million or two to begin with. And I'm, I'm workin' with a new therapist, you know, terrific, absolutely terrific. He's, he's been putting me in touch with my inner maggot, which is helping me a great deal. And, you know, I finally feel like I found my place, and you know what? It's right back where I started. But the difference is, this time I chose it.

==DORIS DAY lyrics (High Hopes)==
:'''Doris Day''': Next time your found, with your chin on the ground / There a lot to be learned, so look around...| Just what makes that little old ant / Think he'll move that rubber tree plant / Anyone knows an ant, can't / Move a rubber tree plant.
:'''Doris Day and Children''': But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes / He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes.
:'''Doris Day''': So any time your gettin' low / 'Stead of lettin' go / Just remember that ant / Oops there goes another rubber tree plant...| When troubles call, and your back's to the wall / There a lot to be learned, that wall could fall...| Once there was a silly old ram / Thought he'd punch a hole in a dam / No one could make that ram, scram / He kept buttin' that dam.
:'''Doris Day and Children''': 'Cause he had high hopes, he had high hopes / He had high apple pie, in the sky hopes.
:'''Doris Day''': 'Cause he had high hopes, he had high hopes / He had high apple pie, in the sky hopes...| So any time your feelin' bad / 'Stead of feelin' sad / Just remember that ram / Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam...| All problems just a toy balloon / They'll be bursted soon / They're just bound to go pop / Oops there goes another problem kerplop...|''[chorus singing]''

== Taglines ==
* Every ant has his day.
* Every ant runs the colony.
* See the world from a whole new perspective.
* Actual size of the next really big movie star.
* All revolutions begin underground.
* Antz iz coming 10-2-98.
* &quot;The hero.&quot; (Z tagline)
* &quot;The princess.&quot; (Bala tagline)
* &quot;Best friend.&quot; (Weaver tagline)
* &quot;The general.&quot; (Mandible tagline)

== Voice cast ==
* [[Woody Allen]] — Zachary &quot;Z&quot; Marion
* [[Dan Aykroyd]] — Chip the Wasp
* [[Anne Bancroft]] — The Ant Queen
* [[w:Jane Curtin|Jane Curtin]] — Muffin &quot;Muffy&quot; the Wasp
* [[w:Danny Glover|Danny Glover]] — Staff Sergeant Barbatus
* [[w:Gene Hackman|Gene Hackman]] — General Mandible
* [[Jennifer Lopez]] — Azteca
* [[w:John Mahoney|John Mahoney]] — Grebs
* [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]] — The Psychiatrist
* [[w:Grant Shaud|Grant Shaud]] — The Foreman
* [[Sylvester Stallone]] — Corporal Weaver
* [[Sharon Stone]] — Princess Bala
* [[Christopher Walken]] — Colonel Cutter
* Mickie McGowan — Ants
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] — The One Worker

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|120587|Antz}}

{{Authority control}}
[[Category:1998 American animated films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Animated films about ants]]
[[Category:Films directed by Eric Darnell]]
[[Category:Films directed by Tim Johnson]]
[[Category:DreamWorks Animation]]
[[Category:1990s English-language films]]</text>
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[[File:Antz-logo.svg|thumb|right]]
'''''[[w:Antz|Antz]]''''' is a [[w:1998 in film|1998]] American animated [[w: comedy film|comedy film]] produced by [[w:DreamWorks Animation|DreamWorks Animation]] and [[w:Pacific Data Images|Pacific Data Images]] and distributed by [[w:DreamWorks Pictures|DreamWorks Pictures]], centering on a nonconformist worker ant who switches places with a soldier ant, in the process uncovering a plot to destroy the colony.
:''Directed by [[w:Eric Darnell|Eric Darnell]] and [[w:Tim Johnson (film director)|Tim Johnson]]. Written by [[w:Paul Weitz (filmmaker)|Paul Weitz]], [[w:Chris Weitz|Chris Weitz]] and [[w:Todd Alcott|Todd Alcott]].
:''Music by [[Harry Gregson-Williams]] and [[w:John Powell (film composer)|John Powell]].''
{{center|'''See the world from a whole new perspective.''' &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Others ==
* '''Weaver''': ''[to Z]'' Are you nuts?! You want me to switch places with you? Do you know how much trouble you can get into for even talkin' about impersonatin' a soldier? You can get in trouble just for ''listening'' to someone talkin' about impersonatin' a soldier! ''[Everyone who was listening in pretends to fall back asleep]''
* '''Barbatus''': ''[his last words to Z]'' Don't make my mistake, kid. Don't follow orders your whole life. Think for yourself.
* '''Muffy''': Darling, they're poor, they're dirty, they're smelly. We have to help them. ''[to Z and Bala]'' If you just wait right here, we'll get you a little something.
* '''Queen''': ''[to Mandible]'' General, we've been at peace with that colony for years. Why would they attack us?
* '''Psychologist''': Excellent. You’ve made a real breakthrough.
* '''Soldier Ants''': One. Two. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen.
* '''Worker Ants''': ''[chanting]'' We want Z! We want Z!
* '''Chip''': ''[to Muffy]'' Ugh! Please, Muffy, not another crusade.
* '''Grebs''': ''[to Z]'' There is a better place, Insectopia.
* '''Princess Bala''': Labor? What do ''you'' know about labor? How would you feel if you were expected to give birth every ten seconds for the rest of your life?
* '''Colonel Cutter''': Time stands still for no ant.

== Dialogue ==
:''[first lines]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': All my life, I've lived and worked in the big city, which now that I think of it, is kind of a problem since I always feel uncomfortable around crowds. I mean it, I-I have this fear of enclosed spaces. I-I-I, everything makes me feel trapped all the time. You know, I always tell myself, there's gotta be something better out there, but maybe I think too much. I-I-I think everything must go back to the fact that I had a very anxious childhood. You know, my, my mother never had time for me. You know, when you're - when you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention. I mean, how's it possible? And I've always had these, these abandonment issues, which plagued me. My father was basically a drone like I've said, and, you know, the guy flew away when I was just a larva. And my job, don't get me started on, 'cause it really annoys me. I was not cut out to be a worker, I'll tell you right now. I-I-I feel physically inadequate. I, I, my whole life I've never, I've never been able to lift more than ten times my own body weight, And, and, when you get down to it, handling dirt is, you know, ew, is not my idea of a rewarding career. It's this whole gung-ho super-organism thing that, that, that I - you know, I can't get, I try but I don't get it. I mean, you know, I'm... What is it, I'm supposed to do everything for the colony, and, and what about my needs? What about me? I mean, I gotta believe there's someplace out there that's better than this! Otherwise, I'll just curl up in a larval position and weep! The whole system makes me feel... insignificant.
:'''Psychologist''': ''[to Z]'' Excellent. You’ve made a real breakthrough.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I have?
:'''Psychologist''': Yes, Z. You are insignificant.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I am?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the title card appears]''
:'''Man''': Ground floor.
:'''Ant''': Uh, worker. Soldier. Worker.
:'''Worker Ant''': Let's try it again. Firm grip. Swing hard. Back straight. Concentrate. Follow through.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Okay. I've got to keep a positive attitude. A good attitude, even though I'm utterly insignificant. ''[grabs an ax]'' I'm-I'm insignificant, um, but with attitude.
:'''Azteca''': Oh, sorry, Z. I didn't see you.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Great, Azteca. It's working already. I'm so meaningless, I'm invisible. ''[he tries to get the ax out]''
:'''Azteca''': ''[laughing]'' Now, you're getting it. ''[takes the ax out]'' After all, it's not about you. It's about us, the team. It's about this.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Uh, a giant hole in the ground?
:'''Foreman''': Okay, people. Are we feeling good?
:'''All''': Yeah!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yeah.
:'''Foreman''': Great! Now, R-1734 through Z-7829, you guys are on wrecking ball.
:'''Azteca''': You got it.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Swell. You got it.
:'''Worker Ant''': All right, swing time! Let's get physical!
:'''Worker Ant''': I love this job!
:'''Worker Ant''': Let's go!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Now, remember, Azteca, &quot;Be the ball.&quot; That's the main thing. Now, remember that. You know, got to be one with the ball.
:'''Azteca''': Would you cut it out already? Jeez. I love my work. And you, well... You think too much. Come on, Z. Help us build a bigger, better colony. And, for crying out loud, try to be happy about it.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Sure, you know. ''[nervous chuckle]'' I mean, how could I possibly be unhappy being a piece of construction equipment?
:'''Foreman''': Okay, workers, remember.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Here it comes.
:'''Foreman''': Be the ball.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[groans]''
:'''Foreman''': Let the energy flow through you!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Grin and bear it. This is... This is for the colony. Ow! This is... This is just a lawsuit waiting to happen.
:'''Worker Ant''': Hang on, here we go!
:'''Worker Ant''': Faster!
:'''Worker Ant''': Higher!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Did I happen to mention that heights make me nauseous?
:'''Worker Ant''': No.
:'''Worker Ant''': This is a ball! Hey!
:'''Azteca''': Oh, Z.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yes. Yes. I understand. I dropped the ball.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''General Mandible''': ''[his first words]'' Workers. They're weak. They lack discipline. They lack commitment.
:'''Foreman''': ''[he comes in]'' General, I know there's been a glitch or two. But everybody is working full tilt as it is, and-
:'''General Mandible''': You can't help it, it's your nature. But in spite of your limitations, you are going to finish this tunnel on schedule. Come hell or high water. For now on, anyone who falls behind is going to have to explain themselves to Colonel Cutter. And let me assure you, the colonel is not as understanding as I am. Dismissed. Four more days, Cutter. Four more days. Then we can bid final farewell to their kind of incompetence.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Yes, sir.
:'''General Mandible''': A fresh start. Imagine it!
:'''Colonel Cutter''': A strong colony, sir. A colony we can be proud of.
:'''General Mandible''': Yes, but we're not there yet. Cutter, we just got word that a termite army has mobilized against us.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Against us?
:'''General Mandible''': We'll have to send troops deep into hostile territory to attack their colony.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Attack a termite colony, sir? That's suicide.
:'''General Mandible''': Exactly. Do you have the list I asked for?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Yes, General. ''[takes the list to General]'' These are the units loyal to the queen.
:'''General Mandible''': Hm. Then they're the ones we'll be sending. It's a shame. There's some fine officers here.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Don't we need the queen's approval to declare war?
:'''General Mandible''': Our very next stop, Cutter.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Queen''': General, we've been at peace with that colony for years. Why would they attack us?
:'''General Mandible''': They want our land. They're desperate for more foraging territory. Perhaps they think we've grown soft or weak.
:'''Queen''': Why don't we dispatch an ambassador, negotiate a new treaty? Certainly, we don't need to send soldiers.
:'''General Mandible''': Believe me. Every ant in this colony is so precious to me. That's why we must strike now, when we have the element of surprise. If the termite shock troops enter our colony, well...
:'''Queen''': Yes, General, I know what they can do to us. Very well.
:'''General Mandible''': You've made a wise decision. In fact, you've insured the future of this colony.
:'''Princess Bala''': Hello, General.
:'''General Mandible''': Princess Bala. What a nice surprise. You look lovelier each time I see you.
:'''Princess Bala''': Thanks. I hope you're not just here on business.
:'''General Mandible''': Oh, of course... ''[chuckling]'' ...of course not.
:'''Princess Bala''': Because, um, it might be nice if we had a conversation once before we get married.
:'''General Mandible''': You're absolutely right. Cutter, schedule some private time for me and Princess Bala.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Uh, in fact, sir, there is time right now for a personal moment. We're a few seconds ahead of schedule.
:'''General Mandible''': Excellent. Princess.
:'''Princess Bala''': Well, a few seconds isn't much, but I guess if it's quality time. So, how was your day? Anything interesting happen?
:'''General Mandible''': We declared war.
:'''Princess Bala''': Declared war? Boy, talk about a rough day.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Sir, I hate to interrupt, but time stands still for no ant.
:'''General Mandible''': Princess.
:'''Princess Bala''': Mom, could you remind me, why am I marrying this guy?
:'''Queen''': Bala, do we have to argue about this again?
:'''Princess Bala''': We don't seem to have anything in common. The guy's a stiff.
:'''Queen''': Yes, darling. I know the general may be a little gruff and somewhat overbearing at times, but I know that he cares about you. He's just not particulary good at showing it. But you should have seen how persistently he asked for your hand in marriage.
:'''Princess Bala''': But why me?
:'''Queen''': Because you're the one who has to continue my work. It's your place, dear.
:'''Princess Bala''': What if they don't like my place?
:'''Queen''': Everyone has their place, Bala, you, the soldiers, the workers. Now, it's not all that bad being princess, is it? Would you prefer to be carting dirt all day?
:'''Princess Bala''': Mother, don't be so dramatic. At least, they seem to have some fun every now and then.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bartender''': Two aphid beers.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Why'd I have to be born a worker? Soldiers get all the glory, plus you get to go out in the world. You meet interesting insects, you get to kill them.
:'''Weaver''': Yeah. But you get to spend all day with those beautiful worker girls.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Weaver, they're career girls. They're obsessed with digging. ''[sighs]'' I don't think I'm ever gonna meet the right girl for me.
:'''Weaver''': ''[to Z]'' Who said a girl for you? I was talking about a girl for me. Don't you want your aphid beer?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Call me crazy, but... ''[clears throat]'' I have a thing about drinking from the anus of another creature. Okay?
:'''Weaver''': Suit yourself. Ah, me,? I'm cutting a lose. We got a royal inspection coming up.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Inspection, meaning you're gonna stand around like an idiot while a bunch of blue bloods smirk at you. I don't know how you put up with it, Weaver.
:'''Weaver''': Z, I've known you for a long time. Right?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Definitely. You were born two seconds after me.
:'''Weaver''': Yeah, and ever since we were little, I've been listening to you complain. What are you b*tching about? In case you haven't noticed, we ants are running the show! We're the lords of the earth!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Hey, don't talk to me about earth, okay? 'Cause I just spent all day hauling it around. ''[he sighs]'' There's just got to be a better place.
:'''Grebs''': There is. I've been there.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I'm sorry. Were you talking to me?
:'''Grebs''': There is a better place, Insectopia.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, really. Lunatic at 3:00.
:'''Grebs''': You can't understand until you go there and see it yourself. You can be your own ant there. The streets are paved with food. Nobody tellin' you what to do. No wars. No colony. I shoulda never left.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[chuckling]'' Oh, yeah. Fascinating.
:'''Grebs''': We were on a long-range recon. I got cut off from my unit.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Nothing like post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.
:'''Grebs''': Then I saw it, Insectopia!
:'''Worker Ant #1''': Hey!
:'''Grebs''': You head towards the monolith. Ten clicks past the great canyons to the land of red and white.
:'''Guard Ant #1''': ''[takes Grebs]'' Hey, gramps. You've had enough for one tonight. Come on. Before you get in trouble.
:'''Grebs''': Head for the monolith. Listen to me! The monolith!
:'''Weaver''': ''[chuckling]'' That guy's got a screw loose.
:'''Grebs''': Cross the lake!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Insectopia. ''[he scoffs]'' Wouldn't it be great if it were that easy?
:'''Weaver''': ''[chuckling]'' Yeah. Dream on, Z.
:'''Grebs''': Cross the lake! Look for the land of red and white.
:''[Bala sneaks into the bar with two handmaidens]''
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[excited]'' Wow...This is so...''gritty!'' 
:'''Handmaiden #1''': Ten minutes and we're out of here, right? I mean, this place is off limits. 
:'''Princess Bala''': Just blame it on me. Say it was all my idea. 
:'''Handmaiden #2''': It ''is'' all your idea!
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[removes her crown]'' Besides, no one's gonna recognize us. Come on, girls, what do you say? Let's take a walk on the wild side.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Man''': ''[on loud speaker]'' Okay, everybody. 6:15. Time to dance.
:'''Weaver''': ''[to Z]'' Time to cut a rug, Z.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, no. That's okay. I'm gonna leave the rug just the way it is, Weaver.
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[to her handmaidens]'' Step back, ladies. I'm gonna ask one of these workers to dance with me.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[watching the other ants dance in unison]'' What a bunch of losers. Mindless zombies capitulating to an oppressive system-
:'''Princess Bala''': Hi. Wanna dance?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[upon turning to see her]'' Absolutely!
:'''Princess Bala''': Follow me.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[as they step onto the dance floor]'' So, how come I haven't seen you around here before?
:'''Princess Bala''': Oh, I don't get out much. I, uh...I work over at the palace.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': The palace, huh? I bet those royals really live it up. ''[secretively]'' Of course, they're all a little, you know, from inbreeding.
:'''Princess Bala''': ''What?''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yowch! Ya-Ya... Yowch! Yowch. Yowch.
:'''Princess Bala''': What on earth are you doing?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Well, actually, to tell you the truth, I'm sort of making it up.
:'''Princess Bala''': Really?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': You know. Why does everybody have to dance the same way? You know, that's completely boring. It's... It's monotonous.
:'''Princess Bala''': It's no fun.
:'''Bar Guy''': Hey. Watch your step, worker.
:'''Princess Bala''': You watch yours, buddy, or you'll be in big trouble.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': That's okay. I'll... I'm gonna let him off this time. What? Are you crazy? This guy's built like a pebble.
:'''Princess Bala''': Aren't you even gonna defend yourself?
:'''Bar Guy''': Hey, buddy. Get back in place.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Me? Uh... Uh...
:'''Princess Bala''': What if he doesn't want to?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[clears throat]'' Yeah. What if I don't like my place?
:'''Bar Guy''': What's he talking about?
:'''Bar Guy''': We got us a troublemaker.
:'''Bar Guy''': Buckle up, Spanky. This one goes out to all the lazy workers.
:'''Weaver''': You ought to watch that aggressive behavior, buddy.
:'''Bar Guy''': He's just a worker.
:'''Handmaiden #1''': Princess Bala! Princess Bala! The guards are coming.
:'''Princess Bala''': Let's get outta here.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Wait! Princess? You're a princess?
:'''Princess Bala''': Uh, I gotta go.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': When can I see you again?
:'''Princess Bala''': Let me think. Never. ''[kisses Z]'' Bye.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': No. Wait.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[singing]'' What a day it has been, what a rare mood I'm in. Why, it's almost like being in love. There's a smile.
:'''Azteca''': Huh?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[continues singing]'' On my face for the whole insect race. Why, it's almost like being in love. Yowch.
:'''Bartender''': ''[to Z]'' Can I get you another one, pal?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[sighing]'' No, thanks. I think I'm gonna go.
:'''Bartender''': Yeah. I don't blame you. It's always slow in here the night before one of those royal reviews. I guess soldiers need their shut-eye before they meet the queen. I don't blame ya.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': That's it!
:'''Bartender''': You know, I was once... See ya.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Psst. Weaver. I figured it out. Weaver. Weaver.
:'''Weaver''': What? What? ''[clears throat]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I got a great idea. You gotta switch places with me. Let me go to the inspection instead of you.
:'''Weaver''': What time is it?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Weaver. The royal family will be there. This is the only way I can see her.
:'''Weaver''': See who?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Princess Bala.
:'''Weaver''': ''[getting out of bed]'' Are you nuts? You want me to switch places with you? Do you know how much trouble you can get into for even talking about impersonating a soldier? You can get in trouble just for listening to someone talking about impersonating a soldier!
:''[Everyone who was listening in pretends to fall back asleep]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': You have to help me. If I can't see her again, my life is just not worth living. Please, Weaver, ''please''. Switch jobs with me just, you know, for a day. Think of all the things I've done for you.
:'''Weaver''': ''[pauses]'' Hm. I can't think of any.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Okay, so think of all the things that I'm ''gonna'' do for you!
:'''Weaver''': ''[glances around, then leans in secretively]'' Would I meet some worker girls?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Are you kidding? They always go after the new guy! It's like a sport for them! And believe me, they will definitely go for an adorable little insect like you.
:'''Weaver''': Mmm.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Weaver, I... I have to see her again.
:'''Weaver''': Z, what kind of chance do you have with a princess? I mean, she probably won't even remember you.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[sighs]'' I... I know it sounds nuts, but I have to try.
:'''Weaver''': Oh, boy. ''[he exhales]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Princess, fancy meeting you here. What do you say we lose this crowd? Oh, me? You know, I... I wear many hats. I guess you'd have to call me a Renaissance ant.
:'''Man''': Eyes right!
:'''General Mandible''': Beautiful. Just beautiful.
:'''Princess Bala''': Mm.
:'''General Mandible''': The precision. The order.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Princess Bala! Princess Bala! Hey. It's me. Remember Z from the bar? Princess Bala! Princess Bala! Princess...
:'''Queen''': Bala, you must encourage the troops. Wave.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh. She sees me. Excuse me, guys. I... Sorry. I just got a better offer. Could you excuse me?
:'''Soldier Ant''': Company halt!
:''[they all leave]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Princess. Princess Bala!
:'''Soldier Ant''': Quiet there! Get back in rank.
:'''Barbatus''': You new, kid?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, yes, but I'm getting out soon. I got a trial membership.
:'''Barbatus''': Trial membership. ''[chuckling]'' That's a good one! Name's Barbatus.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Z.
:'''Man''': Right face!
:'''Barbatus''': Psst.
:'''General Mandible''': Sacrifice. To some, it is just a word. To others, it is a code.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Jeez. I'm really bad at word games.
:'''General Mandible''': A solider knows that the life of an individual ant doesn't matter. What matters is the colony. He's willing to live for the colony, to fight for the colony, to die for the colony.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': This guy's crazy.
:'''Barbatus''': I hear ya.
:'''General Mandible''': At 0800 hours, we received word that the termite enemy has mobilized. We have no choice but to launch a preemptive strike. You are the queen's finest. I know you will all do you duty. I am proud to send you into battle.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Into... I'm sorry-I'm sorry, into battle?
:'''General Mandible''': Dismissed.
:'''Man''': Left face! Forward march!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Talk to me. You know, I think there's been a terrible mistake. ''[being shipped off to battle]'' You know, the truth is I just... I just came for the speech.
:'''Barbatus''': Don't worry, kid. I'll watch out for ya.
:'''Ant''': Sound off.
:'''Soldier Ant''': One.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Two.
:'''Ant''': Sound off.
:'''Barbatus''': Three.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Huh?
:'''Ant''': Sound off.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Five.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Six.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Seven.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Eight.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Nine.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Ten.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Eleven.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Twelve.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Thirteen.
:'''Soldier Ant''': ''[singing]'' The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah!
:'''All''': ''[singing]'' We slaughter termites just for fun, hurrah, hurrah!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': So these termites, they're, they're pushovers, right?
:'''Barbatus''': Not really, kid. They're five times our size, and they shoot acid from their foreheads.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Huh?! ''[stops marching, gaping in disbelief]''
:'''Soldier Ant''': ''[gives Z a shove from behind]'' Hey! Keep it movin', shorty!
:''[Later, as the ant army is marching towards the termites' nest]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': So, what exactly does our platoon do? Are we gonna be serving beverages, or processing paperwork?
:'''Barbatus''': Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle.
:''[They marched up the termites' nest]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[panicked]'' Hey, wait a minute, let's not get...we're being too hasty here! These guys sound like ''bruisers!'' Just how were you figuring on beating them?!
:'''Barbatus''': Superior numbers, kid. Overwhelm their defenses, and kill their queen. 
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[stammering]'' I, um...Hey, fellas, that's...you're being a little extreme, I feel. Why don't...Why don't we just try and influence their political process with campaign contributions?
:'''Barbatus''': ''[laughing]'' I like you, kid. You got a sense of humor!
:'''Ant Officer''': '''FORWARD!!'''
:'''Barbatus''': Come on! Let's kick some termite butt!
:'''Soldier Ant''': '''OVER THE TOP!!!'''
:'''Soldier Ant''': Where is everyone?
:'''Soldier Ant''': Something's not right.
:'''Barbatus''': Don't be scared, kid.
:'''Ant Officer''': '''ATTACK!!!'''
:'''Soldier Ant''': Come on.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Barbatus, you saved my life.
:'''Barbatus''': Ah, don't get all sappy about it.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Hey, guys. Look out behind you! Hey... Hey, guys. Can somebody help me here? Can anybody... Hey.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Weaver''': Yeah. ''[he breaks the wall]'' Okay, mama. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big guy comin' through. Love it.
:'''Azteca''': Hey. Hey. Hey. Take it easy, muscles. You're makin' the rest of us look bad. What happened to Z?
:'''Weaver''': He's takin' a personal day, so I'm fillin' in.
:'''Azteca''': ''[admiring]'' You fill in any more, and you'll explode.
:'''Azteca''': Eh, you got a problem?
:'''Weaver''': No, uh, uh... Nobody told me digging was so much fun. You know, you pick the dirt up. You move it. You pick it up again. You move it again. Lots of reps. You exercise the arms and the thorax.
:'''Azteca''': Yes, I... I see what you mean.
:'''Foreman''': Um. Yeah. That is fascinating.
:'''Weaver''': Sorry, sir. I was just havin' a chat with my friend, sir.
:'''Foreman''': You know, I just had a chat with General Mandible. Anybody who doesn't meet his quota is going to be downsized.
:'''Azteca''': Come on. Cut him a break. He's new.
:'''Foreman''': Hey. What do you say we help your attitude a little bit by taking away your rations for the day. Thanks for your time.
:'''Azteca''': I don't know what came over me. Talking back like that. ''[he starts cutting]'' I must be losin' it.
:'''Weaver''': Sorry I got you in trouble. But, listen, you can share my rations. Whoa. If you want.
:'''Azteca''': ''[guards the ax]'' Are you askin' me out to dinner?
:'''Weaver''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, no. I... Well, if you don't have anything else planned.
:'''Azteca''': ''[laughing]'' I'll check my calendar. You know, I'm kinda glad Z's takin' a breather.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Outside, Z emerged and saw the blood bath he saw. All of the ants and termites were all dead.]''
:'''Barbatus''': ''[to Z]'' Kid! Kid, over here.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Barbatus.
:'''Barbatus''': Be honest, kid. Am I hurt bad?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': N-No. N-Not at all. You're... Actually, you're lookin' terrific. You got, you know, swell color in your cheeks.
:'''Barbatus''': No. I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. Help me up, Z. ''[sniffing]'' I can't feel my legs.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': You gotta hang in there, buddy. You know. I know you're gonna make it. Just take... take deep breaths. Because I'm gonna try and find your body. It's bound to be out there somewhere. ''[to Barbatus]'' Barbatus, hang on. B-Barbatus.
:'''Barbatus''': Don't make my mistake, kid. Don't follow orders your whole life. Think for yourself.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Barbatus.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Colonel Cutter''': We're on schedule. Work is completed on &quot;A&quot; section sir, including a path through &quot;D&quot; section now.
:'''General Mandible''': We need to push harder, Cutter. I want double shifts around-the-clock. We can't afford to let up. Is that clear?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Crystal, sir.
:'''General Mandible''': Good. What about section...
:'''Guard Ant''': ''[he comes in]'' Excuse me, sir.
:'''General Mandible''': This had better be important.
:'''Guard Ant''': Well, it's about the termite battle, sir. The enemy was destroyed, but I'm afraid it was a disaster for our troops, as well.
:'''General Mandible''': Well, that's terrible. Terrible.
:'''Guard Ant''': There is a better good news, sir. One soldier did make it back.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': No kidding.
:'''General Mandible''': What did you say?
:'''Guard Ant''': Word is spreading through the colony. The queen requested a meeting with the war hero.
:'''General Mandible''': ''[on hearing that one soldier survived the battle with the termites]'' Damn! ''[covering his true feelings]'' Good. damn good. Uh, I'll handle this. ''[he walks to Z and Ant]'' Congratulations, soldier. ''[chuckling]'' Well, you're a little short for a war hero, aren't you?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': A war hero? Sir. I-I don't actually think that I'm a hero.
:'''General Mandible''': ''[takes Z]'' Good. I don't like heroes.
:''[the worker ants cheers]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': But, sir. You don't understand. I... I didn't do anything. I mean, it was all horrible. It was just a massacre. A-A massacre upon a massacre.
:'''General Mandible''': ''[to Z]'' That's good, soldier. Now, wave.
:''[the worker ants cheering, Z waves his arm, the worker ants continue cheering]''
:'''Azteca''': There was nothing you could do, Weaver. You didn't know they were going to war.
:'''Weaver''': I just feel horrible. Poor Z. I should have never let him go.
:'''Azteca''': Wait a minute. That's no soldier. That's Z!
:'''Weaver''': Z? The little guy made it! ''[he chuckles]''
:'''General Mandible''': Let's go, soldier.
:''[the worker ants cheering]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''General Mandible''': As I was saying, son, you are an ant after my own heart. An ant that looks death in the face and laughs.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Well, actually, the truth is, I-I generally just make belittling comments, and snicker behind death's back. ''[chuckling]''
:'''Queen''': General Mandible.
:'''General Mandible''': ''[to Z]'' Keep your comments to yourself. Let me do the talking. May I present Her Majesty the Queen.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Charmed. Charmed.
:'''General Mandible''': And the royal Princess Bala.
:'''Queen''': Welcome home, soldier. We cannot begin to express our gratitude for your heroic efforts.
:'''General Mandible''': The private has asked me to convey his most humble appreciation.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Please. Please. It was nothing really. Just your average run-of-the-mill valor, and extraordinary courageousness, you know. In the heat of battle, there's very little time to think. One must attack! Attack! Attack! ''[chuckling]''
:'''General Mandible''': Well, indeed. As you can see, Your Highness, the battlefield is still fresh in his mind. So, begging your pardon, but this is the perfect time to debrief the private.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, please, General. Not on our first date. ''[chuckling]'' Not on our first date.
:'''Princess Bala''': Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[recognizing his line from the night before]'' Well, maybe. ''[takes the hat off]'' Then again, maybe not. And then... then again. Yowch.
:'''Princess Bala''': That's it! You're the guy from the bar.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Don't... Shh.
:'''Queen''': Bar? What bar?
:'''Princess Bala''': I danced with this guy at the bar the other night. He was just a worker then.
:'''Queen''': What were you doing at a bar?
:'''General Mandible''': Precisely what I want to know.
:'''Princess Bala''': No. This isn't about me. I mean, look at this worker. Look what he's done.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I think you're thinkin' of someone else. ''[puts the hat back on]'' After all, I am a soldier.
:'''Princess Bala''': Exactly. You were a worker. But now, you're a war hero.
:'''Queen''': He's a worker?
:'''General Mandible''': A worker danced with my fiancee?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': F-Fiancee? W-W-Wait a minute. This is not how it looks. I can explain this. This... Hey. She was the one making all the moves.
:'''General Mandible''': Arrest him.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': H-Hey wait a minute. Take it easy. Can't we discuss this?
:'''Queen''': What are you doing? Let go of my daughter. He's taking her hostage!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': No. No. No. I'm not. I mean, yes, yes, I am. One more step and then the princess gets it.
:'''Princess Bala''': Let go of me! ''[hits Z]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Ow! Don't make me hurt her!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Princess Bala''': What are you doing, you creep? Are you out of your puny little mind?
:'''Guard Ant''': There they are down there! Let's go! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!
:'''Princess Bala''': Oh, good. Here they come to rescue me and kill you.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Kill?
:'''Princess Bala''': Hey, you guys!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[to Bala]'' Stop it! Stop it. What are you tryin' to do?
:'''Princess Bala''': Get off me, you little twerp!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Wait a minute. What do you want to do? Throw away everything you got?
:'''Princess Bala''': Oh, hey! ''[punches Z]'' What're you waiting for? Hello! Guys!
:'''Guard Ant''': Huh?
:'''Guard Ant''': What is it?
:'''Ridgeway''': It's beautiful.
:'''Guard Ant''': Ridgeway, get out of there!
:''[?]''
:''[Z and Bala both sigh when they escape from the magnifying glass, and hide in the &quot;wilderness&quot;]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, don't worry. I'm okay.
:'''Princess Bala''': ''You?!'' ''You're'' okay?! Hey, who cares about you?! I almost died here!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Will you please calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood, are you?
:'''Princess Bala''': Hey, this is not a mood. Okay? You're not listening to me. Where am I? ''[the praying mantis snores soundly, as the birds chirp in the background]'' Look, what's your name. Just climb up that tree, and find out where I am.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Look, th-the trick is not to panic. You know, h-h-he w-who panics is lost. Aw...What am I saying? I mean, we are lost. ''[climbs up a stem of a thistle plant, but it droops over downwards towards Bala]'' Whoa! Whoa! ''[Bala gasps; he grins and chuckles sarcastically at Bala, but the thistle part of the plant breaks off of the thistle plant, and falls to the ground, with Z holding on to it]'' Ow!
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[to herself]'' I've been kidnapped by the village idiot.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Who's the bigger idiot? ''[gets up, as he plucks the thistle thorns off of his body]'' The idiot, or the idiot who gets kidnapped by the idiot?
:'''Princess Bala''': What'd you do? ''Talk'' those termites to death? I can't believe you tried to pass yourself off as a soldier. Why are you stalking me? Don't you realize that I'm...out of your league?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''You're'' the one who was cruising the worker bar looking for a little action! And you just happened to find it - the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker.
:'''Princess Bala''': Please. I was slumming it. Don't you get it? I chose you because you were the most pathetic little bug in the joint.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': You know, I was gonna let you become part of my most erotic fantasies. But now, you can just forget that! Write it off, you know? I-I guess what you prefer is Old Blood and Guts! This guy's idea of a romantic night out is two seats at a public execution! Boy. You ''really'' chose the right husband. ''[climbs up a spiked stem of a rose]''
:'''Princess Bala''': For your information, the General and I are deeply, deeply in...engaged! You come right back down here this instant! We are marching straight back to the colony, so that I can go straight back to the palace, and tell my mother...
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[moves some of the rose's leaves out of his way with his hand, and sees the &quot;monolith&quot; (a drinking fountain) in the distance, the first of the series of landmarks on the way to Insectopia that Grebs told him about]'' The monolith!
:'''Princess Bala''': ...and you can go back to your stupid little buggy bar!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Absolutely. Wonderful. ''[climbs back down the rose's spiked stem towards Bala, who is standing on the ground]'' That's an appealing offer. But, considering the options, ''you'' go back. Okay? 'Cause I'm going to Insectopia.
:'''Princess Bala''': Oh, come on! Insectopia? You're crazier than I thought.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yeah? Well, I happen to have it on a very reliable source. ''[clears his throat]'' Or...Or should I say, a drunk, raving source? But the point is, I'm convinced the place definitely exists! ''[heads on towards the monolith]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Stop! I ''order'' you to stop, worker!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Hey! I got a name, okay?! It's Z! And out here, you can't order me around! ''[continues walking on]''
:'''Princess Bala''': All right! Fine! No problem! Grr! ''[goes the opposite direction of Z, but suddenly, the ground underneath her starts to shake and rise, and she finds herself on the back of a praying mantis, who turns and gnashes its jaws at her. She gasps, and then runs after Z in terror]'' Worker! Worker, where are you?! Z?! Z, wait for me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cutter watches, as the Queen tells Mandible that she wants Bala back]''
:'''Queen''': No more excuses, General. I want my daughter back. Frankly, I'm beginning to doubt your ability to handle this.
:'''General Mandible''': Believe me, Your Highness, we will spare no effort to bring her back. Princess Bala is essential to all our plans for the future.
:'''Worker Ant''': So he kills himself a hundred termites, gets a few medals, then bada-ding, bada-bip, bags himself the princess.
:'''Worker Ant''': He looks dead in the eye...
:'''Worker Ant''': And says, &quot;Bite me.&quot;
:'''Female Ant''': He said that to General Mandible?
:'''Worker Ant''': Buddy. Hey, hey, buddy. You heard about the war hero named Z? Runs off the the princess, right? When they sent the guards after him, he just looks at 'em and boom! They burst into flames.
:'''Weaver''': Z? ''[chuckling]'' You talkin' about Z? Hey, I know the guy. He's a friend of mine. I think your information...
:'''Worker Ant''': You know Z?
:'''Weaver''': Yeah. He's a worker. He used to dig around here.
:'''Worker Ant''': A worker? That's impossible. A worker can't do anything, except work.
:'''Female Ant''': Yeah. It's not like we got a choice.
:'''Azteca''': We do have a choice. Uh, I mean, look at Z. He decided he wanted something, and he went for it.
:'''Weaver''': He's not alone. I used to be a soldier, and I switched places with him.
:'''Worker Ant''': Wait a second. You're tellin' me, I don't have to be here?
:'''Female Ant''': We've got a choice?
:'''Worker Ant''': The authorities don't want you to know, but we don't have to work on the tunnel any more.
:'''Worker Ant''': It's the workers who control the means of production.
:'''Worker Ant''': If Z don't dig, I don't dig.
:'''Foreman''': People, what is this? An encounter group? Let's get back to work.
:'''Worker Ant''': Why?
:'''Worker Ant''': ...on the tunnel anymore! This guy, Z, he's leadin' the revolution!
:'''Foreman''': I'll get back to you.
:''[the worker ants chattering]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Princess Bala''': Think about it, Z, two ants. Who ever heard of two ants? Two million ants, maybe. But two? Look, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, and this whole desert thing? It just doesn't work for me.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yada, yada, yada.
:'''Princess Bala''': I think it's about time to take me back.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Take yourself back. ''[he scoffs]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Excuse me. You kidnapped me, remember? That means you have certain responsibilities. You can't just abandon me here in the wilderness.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yeah, well, it's better than being back at the colony.
:'''Princess Bala''': You're not serious, are you?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Maybe you were living the high life, but personally, this beats digging. If you'd ever done a day's labor you'd know what I was talking about.
:'''Princess Bala''': Labor? What do you know about labor? How would you feel if you were expected to give birth every ten seconds for the rest of your life?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Gee.
:'''Princess Bala''': Water! All you think about is yourself.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yeah? Well, nobody else ever thought about me. So as far as I'm concerned, I don't need anybody else.
:''[A water droplet landed next to them. Bala looked and saw Z was trapped in a water drop.]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[in a water drop]'' Help! Help me, Bala! Help! B-B-B-B-Bala!
:'''Princess Bala''': Hold on, I'll get you out. Hold on.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Help, Ba...
:''[Bala looked down to see that she can push the droplet down the leaf. She pushed but she end up getting absorbed into the droplet, It rolled down and splashed onto the ground.]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Thanks.
:'''Princess Bala''': Don't mention it. Now, maybe we can put this fantasy behind us, and head back to the colon... Oh, Z! What are you doing?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[gets in the boat]'' We've got to cross the lake.
:'''Princess Bala''': Am I missing something here? Didn't we just get out of the water?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[grabs a stick]'' Bala, look, what have you got to lose? I mean, think about it. Do you really want to be Mrs. Raving Lunatic? There's a better place.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z, please.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Just gimme one chance. If we don't find Insectopia soon, I promise I'll take you back to the colony. ''[puts his hand out, then Bala gets in, then Z rows to go to Insectopia]''
:'''Princess Bala''': I hope you know what you're doing.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yeah, me too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''All''': ''[chanting]'' We want Z! We want Z!
:'''Foreman''': People, come on. I know some ants who aren't gonna make their quota.
:'''Worker Ant''': Buzz off, pawn of the oppressor.
:'''All''': ''[continues chanting]'' We want Z! We want Z!
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Sorry, sir. I came as soon as I heard. I was debriefing the trackers.
:'''General Mandible''': And? What's the report?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Well, this Z, sir. He's one slippery character. They lost Bala's trail at the edge of the lake.
:'''General Mandible''': The lake?
:'''All''': ''[singing]'' All we are saying is give Z a chance.
:'''General Mandible''': What's that soldier doing there?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': It appears he's holding hands, sir, with a worker.
:'''General Mandible''': I don't like the way things are going, Cutter. I'm counting on you for results. Now, can I depend on you or not?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Yes, sir.
:'''General Mandible''': All right, then. Let's wrap this up.
:'''All''': ''[continues chanting]'' We want Z! We want Z! We want Z!
:'''General Mandible''': I've heard a lot about this Z. I even had the pleasure of meeting him once. But where is he know? Can anyone point him out? I mean, if this Z cares so much about us, then why isn't he here? I'll tell you why. Because Z doesn't give a damn about us. That's why he kidnapped our princess. That's why he ran away. Z is no hero. We are the heroes. We are the ones ensuring the future of our great colony. And when we've completed this magnificent structure, we will reap the benefits: more food and less work for everyone. And as further reward for your heroic efforts, each and every one of you will get the day off... so you can be the guests of honor at the MegaTunnel dedication ceremonies!
:''[the ants cheering]''
:'''Foreman''': Mandible! Mandible!
:'''All''': ''[chanting]'' Mandible! Mandible! Mandible! Mandible!
:'''General Mandible''': Now bring me that soldier.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The morning came and Bala woke up to see Z still sleeping. She heads off to see if there is any sign of Insectopia. She looked over the grass and notice something.]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Oh, my God! Z! Come here!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': It's Insectopia!
:'''Princess Bala''': You were right. It really is here.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Huh?
:'''Princess Bala''': All right. All right! You're a genius.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Let's eat.
:''[Z has been trying to feast on a sandwich at a picnic, only to be blocked by the clingfilm it's wrapped in]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Well, what's the problem?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': There's some kind of force-field! ''[above them, two wasps, Chip and Muffy, arrive]'' Uh, excuse me? Excuse me? How...How do you get in?
:'''Chip''': ''[flying down to them]'' Yes, yes, well, I'm afraid this is a ''private'' function.
:'''Muffy''': Who are your friends, dear?
:'''Chip''': ''Crawling'' insects, poopsie.
:'''Muffy''': Oh, the poor dears. ''[to Z and Bala, slowly]'' Uh, good...morning!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Huh?
:'''Chip''': Darling, really? Greeting every insect that emerges out of the grass?
:'''Princess Bala''': Pardon me? I guess you don't recognize me! ''[the wasps land in front of them]'' I've been travelling, and I'm all...schlumpy. I'm Princess Bala.
:'''Chip''': Oh! ''[to Muffy]'' It's even worse. They're Eurotrash!
:'''Muffy''': Darling, they're poor, they're dirty, they're smelly. We have to help them. ''[leaning down, to Z and Bala]'' If you just wait right here, we'll get you a little something.
:'''Chip''': Ugh! Please, Muffy, not ''another'' crusade.
:'''Muffy''': Chippy, we have a social obligation to the less fortunate. ''[Chip rolls his eyes]'' I know you laugh at my hobbies, but this is ''important'' to me!
:''[Z and Bala flinch as she stamps in frustration]''
:'''Chip''': Hm. You have such a big heart. That's why you're my little cuddly-widdles...!
:'''Muffy''': Oh, my big strong pheromone factory...!
:''[The wasps start kissing in an exaggerated manner]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, brother. Suddenly I've lost my appetite. You know... I guess I had imagined Insectopia... I don't know, a little differently.
:''[A massive flyswatter came down on them, Z and Bala dodged in time in one of its holes as it lifted up in the air. Looking over, Bala gasped in horror when she and Z saw that the flyswatter had killed Muffy.]''
:'''Chip''': Oh, Muffy! No! Oh, no! ''[starts crying]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Oh, no.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Look out!
:'''Princess Bala''': Z, help me! Z! Don't let me... Don't let me go, Z. Get me out of here!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Bala! Whoa, this is not good. Whoa! Hi.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yes?
:'''Princess Bala''': It looks like this is it, just when... I was starting to like you.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Who the hell is that?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Weaver is beaten up by soldiers in Mandible's office]''
:'''General Mandible''': That's enough.
:'''Weaver''': I ain't tellin' you nothin'.
:'''General Mandible''': Soldier, the princess is vital to the future of this colony. She must be returned to take their place as queen.
:'''Weaver''': We already have a queen.
:'''General Mandible''': As for your friend, Z, why should I hurt him? ''[chuckling]'' He's not important. Now, soldier, we all know that one individual ant doesn't matter. Not you, not Cutter... not even her.
:''[Azteca is dragged in by more soldiers]''
:'''Weaver''': Azteca! ''[struggles, but is restrained]''
:'''Azteca''': Don't tell that tight-a** anything, Weaver!
:'''General Mandible''': Where is Z?!
:'''Weaver''': I don't know where he is!
:'''General Mandible''': Hmm. That's too bad.
:''[He nods to the soldiers holding Azteca; one closes in on her, and she is heard crying out in pain]''
:'''Weaver''': Wait! Insectopia! I know it sounds crazy, but that's where he'd be going!
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Soldier, you think this is a game? Insectopia does not exist.
:'''General Mandible''': As a matter of fact... it does.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Sir?
:'''General Mandible''': I'll brief you on the coordinates. You're gonna bring the princess back. And as for Z... kill him.
:''[Azteca looks horrified]''
:'''Weaver''': But you said he didn't matter!
:'''General Mandible''': It's for the good of the colony. You made the right decision. Gentlemen, now you can see how dangerous individualism can be. It makes us vulnerable.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Let's go.
:'''General Mandible''': Take him back to the MegaTunnel. Put him on the front line. Dismissed.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Jeez, what was I thinking? I almost got you killed.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z, you know, you really shouldn't be so hard on...
:'''Z Marion-4195''': That's it. I'm taking you back to the colony. Ow! Insectopia. You know, I must've been crazy.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': But you know what? I can admit it when I'm wrong.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': And this time, I gotta tell ya, I was absolutely 100% correct. Have... Have you ever seen anything more beautiful in your life?
:'''Princess Bala''': It's Insect...
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Shh! Don't jinx it. Come on!
:''[Neil Finn music playing a song [[w:I Can See Clearly Now|I Can See Clearly Now]]]''
:'''Neil Finn''': ''[singing]'' ♫I can see clearly now The rain has gone / I can see all obstacles in my way / Gone are the dark clouds That had me blind / It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright, bright, sunshiny day / It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright, bright, sunshiny day / Look all around Nothing but blue skies / Look straight ahead Nothing but blue skies / Whoa / I can see clearly now The rain has gone / I can see all obstacles in my way.♫
:'''General Mandible''': All right, everybody. I want all teams in place, fully prepared, ready to seal the doors here and here. Make certain the digging crew stays on schedule for breakthrough midway in the dedication ceremony. Now all we need is the princess.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Z and Bala sit with some other bugs around a campfire in Insectopia]''
:'''Ladybug''': ''[tasting a brown lump]'' This stuff tastes like crap.
:'''Fly''': Really? Let me try some. ''[tastes it]'' Hey, it ''is'' crap! Not bad. ''[continues eating]'' Somebody needs to feed that fire.
:'''Mosquito''': Dude, I did it last time. 
:'''Fly''': Well, I'm not gonna get it. It's not my job. 
:'''Ladybug''': What about the new guy? He hasn't contributed yet.
:''[They observe Z and Bala talking by themselves]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[about Barbatus]'' And...you know, he just died in my arms like that. I...You know, I don't think he ever once, in his life, made his own choice. 
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[moved and saddened]'' I never knew it was like that. I mean, up in the palace...Well, I guess we just let the General make all the decisions. 
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Let me ask you something - what made you come to the bar that night?
:'''Princess Bala''' : I guess I was looking for a little trouble.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but, uh, I don't want you spreading that around.
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[chuckles]'' You're pretty strange. You do know that, don't you?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Well, ''[clears throat]'' &quot;strange&quot; is...not exactly the word ''I'' would use, you know-
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[smiling]'' I like it. You're not like anyone else. 
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[stammering]'' Actually, now that you mention it, I...there is a certain strangeness to me. I mean, it's a...you know, kind of a bizarre quality. Some have said &quot;freak&quot;. But it's, uh, you know, complimentary. 
:''[Bala keeps smiling, leaning towards him, and they are about to kiss]''
:'''Fly''': Hey, new guy! We need more wood.
:''[Bala shrugs disappointedly]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I'll be right back. Just hold that thought - whatever...whatever it is you were thinking. ''[to the other bugs, as he leaves]'' Hey, you ever wonder why they call you guys &quot;''pests''&quot;?
:'''Mosquito''': What if, like, we're just these tiny things, and we're just, like, part of this whole other huge universe that's, like, so big we don't even know it exists?
:'''Ladybug''': ''[chuckles]'' Man, that is ''so'' deep.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Perfect. Nothing like a little manual labor on the most romantic night of my life.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Hi. I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd drop in. This is, uh, very bohemian.
:'''Bug''': Aloha, dude. Welcome to Insec...
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Sorry for interrupting. You see, our princess has, uh, gone missing, and we're just sick about it. She's about yea tall, fairly easy... ''[pause]'' ...on the eyes. Anybody seen her?
:'''Bug''': That's her.
:''[All of the bugs pointed at Bala who tried to get away.]''
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Don't worry, Princess, you'll be back home soon.
:'''Princess Bala''': Listen, Cutter, I'm... I'm not going back.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': ''[sighs]'' The thing is, Princess, I got orders.
:'''Princess Bala''': Orders? Can't you just once think for yourself?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Well, that was very impressive. Where's Z?
:'''Bug''': Z? He's, uh...
:'''Princess Bala''': Dead. Z's dead. You don't need to worry about him.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Z's dead. Well, he was an ant with ideas. Too bad for him. Princess, your colony needs you.
:'''Princess Bala''': Cutter! Stop right now! Let go of me!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Bala! Stop, you... Oh, no. ''[muttering]'' What am I gonna do? All right, look. Let's be rational about this. You know, Bala and I, you know, she's a princess, and I'm a... I'm a soil-relocation engineer. So wha... You're no... Whew! On the other hand, uh, I've gotta go back for her.
:'''Chip''': I'll-I'll give you a lift. S-S-S... ''[falls to the ground]'' It's the least I can do. Besides, it's what my waddly-kittles would want. ''[he starts crying]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Uh, look... ''[clears throat]'' ...how about a cup of joe first?
:'''Chip''': Well, old boy, saddle up.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I think I saw a puddle of coffee over there. It... Whoa! Look out!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''General Mandible''': Ah, Princess. You're just in time.
:'''Princess Bala''': Take your hands of me. General, what exactly is going on here? I demand an explanation.
:'''General Mandible''': I'll explain everything afterwards. Is the southeast entrance secure?
:'''Guard Ant''': Yes, sir.
:'''Princess Bala''': Not afterwards. Now. I don't like the way you think and I don't like the way you run this colony. And I don't like you. The wedding is off. Things are going to change around here.
:'''General Mandible''': You're right, Princess. Things are going to change. Why don't we make her more comfortable? She'll be here for a while.
:'''Princess Bala''': What do you think you're doing? My mother will have your head.
:'''General Mandible''': I doubt that. ''[chuckling]'' Ah, you've got a fighter spirit, Bala. And that's just what we need to start our new colony. We will rinse away all the filth from our gutters. We'll start anew, with you by my side as my queen.
:'''Princess Bala''': You're crazy.
:'''General Mandible''': I believe history will see things differently. All right, gentlemen. Time to take your positions. Someday... Someday you'll thank me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Z Marion-4195 and Chip''': ''[moaning]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Pull up! Pull up! There it is!
:'''Chip''': Oh! Well, then, go get the woman you love, Z.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': So long, Chip. And thanks.
:'''Soldier Ant''': You there. Where do you think you're goin'?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Me? Oh, no, I was just... You know, I...
:'''Soldier Ant''': You're not supposed to be out here. All workers are to report to the tunnel-opening ceremonies.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yes, yes, of course. The-The tunnel-opening ceremonies. I... Well, I should get going, then. I.. ''[he clears throat]'' You know, the-the...
:'''Soldier Ant''': Hey!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I'm going to the... ''[clears throat]'' ...the tunnel opening ceremonies.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Get moving.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': I'd better get goin'. I'm going to the... the tunnel-opening ceremonies. I... Excuse me, please. Tunnel-opening ceremonies.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Hey, worker!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Opening the tunnel. They need me. I'm the key man.
:'''Soldier Ant''': Where do you think you're going?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Tunnel-opening ceremonies.
:'''Princess Bala''': Hey, come on! Let me outta here! Hey!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Gosh, this-this day just keeps getting better and better.
:'''Princess Bala''': I mean big trouble! Are you listening to me out there? I'm the princess, damn it!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Wow, your manners haven't improved much.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z! It's you. You came back for me.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Well, yeah, I came back for you. You know, I have strong feelings for you. Let's face it, you're, you're... ''[he clears throat]'' ...you're beautiful. I... A little combative at times, but I think we can work :on that.
:'''Princess Bala''': You talk too much.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Gee, I think I'm about to become the strong, silent type. Come on. The city's deserted. We'd better get outta here.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z... ''[sighing]'' ...we can't go. Mandible's insane. He... He keeps talking about washing away the filth and-and changing history and, and I think he's going to try to kill my mother.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Not just your mother, everyone.
:'''Princess Bala''': What's going on?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Look. Here we are, safe in the city. But they're gonna seal everybody off in the MegaTunnel. And, here's the lake. You're right. We can't leave now. Come on. We gotta get down there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''General Mandible''': Today is the realization of a dream. A dream of a proud colony. A pure colony. A colony reborn. Moments from now this tunnel will open. The past will be washed away and a new day will dawn.
:'''Queen''': A stirring speech, General. I only wish my daughter were here to appreciate it.
:'''General Mandible''': Your Majesty, I know how concerned you are about Bala. But my scouts are on her trail and it's only a matter of time...
:'''Queen''': General, I don't want to discuss it. Just find her.
:'''General Mandible''': Oh, I will, Your Highness. Good-bye. Seal up the doors. Cutter, did you hear me?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Sir, I've been thinking. Do we need to go through with this? Look at what these workers have done. They got the right stuff. Isn't there any other way?
:'''General Mandible''': Cutter, you're a fine officer. You have discipline, courage, ability. But you seem to have a certain weakness for the lower orders that I find disturbing. Now, are you with me?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Sir, uh… I apologize.
:'''General Mandible''': All right, then. Seal it up.
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Yes, sir.
:'''Queen''': As I look out on this magnificent tunnel, I am filled with pride.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Jump!
:'''Queen''': In these difficult times, it is a great solace to know that you, our workers...
:'''Princess Bala''': Mom! Wait!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Every worker in the colony is here. Hey, wait a minute. That guy owes me money.
:'''Queen''': This tremendous accomplishment is a testimony to the strength...
:'''Foreman''': People! Put your backs into it!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Go warn your mother. I gotta get to those diggers before they break through.
:'''Princess Bala''': There's not enough time.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Hey, leave the pessimism to me, okay? ''[Z went to the Tunnel while Bala headed to her mother.]'' Excuse me! Sorry about that. Excuse me.
:'''Queen''': In a few moments, when our expert diggers break through to the surface...
:'''Princess Bala''': Mom! Mom, stop.
:'''Queen''': ...the sun will pour into this... Bala! Where've you been? Are you all right? ''[hugs Bala]''
:'''Princess Bala''': I'm fine.
:'''Queen''': What happened?
:'''Princess Bala''': Mother, we're in terrible danger.
:'''Foreman''': Put your backs into it, people.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Wait! Hold... Hey, stop digging!
:'''Weaver''': Z? Is that you?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Weaver, stop!
:'''Weaver''': Z! You're back! Oh, Z! Oh.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[gasping]'' Weaver!
:'''Azteca''': Z! What's the matter?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Ho-Hold up, everyone. Stop. Stop digging.
:'''Foreman''': On whose authority?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': On your own authority. If you break through that wall, we're all gonna...
:'''Princess Bala''': Drown! This tunnel is going to flood.
:'''Queen''': So we've got to get everyone out of here.
:''[the worker ants murmuring]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Foreman''': Look, I got orders, and those orders say &quot;dig.&quot;
:'''Z Marion-4195''': What if someone ordered you to jump off a bridge? Oh, brother, I'm asking the wrong guy here. Look, think for yourselves!
:'''Foreman''': Give me that! I've enough out of you. Get back to work.
:'''Weaver''': What's that noise?
:'''Foreman''': Uh-oh...
:'''Weaver''': Let's get outta here!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Run!
:''[The hole burst open and water gushed through. Z and the other worker ants started to run for their lives.]''
:'''Weaver''': Run! Keep going!
:'''Queen''': Everyone, listen to me. We've all been deceived. We need to calmly head toward the exits.
:'''Digger''': Run for your lives! It's gonna flood!
:'''Queen''': No. Don't panic. Don't panic!
:'''Worker Ant''': Every ant for himself!
:'''Worker Ant''': All the exits are blocked!
:'''Worker Ant''': We're trapped!
:[Ants screaming while panicked ants are swept away.]
:'''Princess Bala''': What are we going to do?
:'''Foreman''': There's nothing we can do!
:Worker Ant: Oh Ueh!
:Worker Ant: Ah!
:Worker Ant: Go Go Go! Dark!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yes, there is. Weaver, give me a leg up. ''[climbs on Weaver]'' Everyone, listen to me!
:'''Worker Ant''': Who the heck are you?
:'''Princess Bala''': He's Z!
:''[the worker ants chattering]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Listen, we gotta help each other get outta here before we all drown.
:'''Worker Ant''': How?
:'''Z Marion-4195''': By making a ladder.
:'''Female Ant''': A ladder!
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Hey, if we built this, we can do anything. ''[jumps off Weaver]'' Okay, let's move it!
:'''Weaver''': I'm on it. All of you, gather around. You, start climbing.
:'''Worker Ant''': Grab my arm.
:'''Worker Ant''': All right. Here I go.
:'''Worker Ant''': Come on.
:'''Worker Ant''': Go, go, go!
:'''Worker Ant''': Right!
:'''Azteca''': Excuse me, Your Majesty. ''[holds up the Queen, by climbing up]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Z, I've gotta help my Mom.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Don't worry. I know almost exactly what I'm doing. ''[hugs Bala]'' I'll see you at the top.
:'''General Mandible''': Gentlemen, there comes a time, in the evolution of a perfect colony, when the strong are meant to rise above the weak. Now is that time. Below us right now, the weak elements of the colony, are being washed away.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Oh, my God, we're not gonna make it! We need more ants.
:'''Weaver''': ''[grunting]'' You two better get up there.
:'''Azteca''': Weaver, you can't hold it alone.
:'''Weaver''': '''GET GOING!'''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Hang in there, buddy.
:''[Z and Azteca began to climb to the top.]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Got it!
:'''Azteca''': Hurry up! Go, go, go, go!
:''[Z began to dig his way to the top]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''General Mandible''': Our princess is secured, and our glorious future is at hand. We can all stand proud. It is time for a new beginning.
:''[The ants made a big hole above the ground avoiding drowning from the oncoming flood]''
:'''General Mandible''': '''WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!'''
:'''Colonel Cutter''': I think that's the &quot;weak elements&quot;, sir.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Gimme a hand!
:'''General Mandible''': Z! '''''YOU?! LET GO!''''' ''[grabs a spear]'' '''''DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! IT'S FOR THE GOOD OF THE COLONY!'''''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': What are you saying?! We ''are'' the colony!
:''[Mandible is about to kill Z with the spear, but Cutter punches his face, knocking him down]''
:'''General Mandible''': ''[rubbing his face]'' Cutter, what are you doing?
:'''Colonel Cutter''': Something I should have done, a long time ago. ''This'' is for the good of the colony, sir. :''[grabs onto Z's hand to pull him up]''
:'''General Mandible''': ''[his last words; glares at Cutter in fury]'' '''YOU USELESS, UNGRATEFUL MAGGOT! ''I'' AM THE COLONY!''' ''[charges at him]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': ''[gasps]'' Look out!
:''[As Z pushes Cutter aside, Mandible tackles him and they fall down into the hole past the colony. Mandible hits a root, killing him, and Z lands into the water, uncounscious]''
:'''Princess Bala''': Z!
:''[Cutter's eyes widen]''
:'''Colonel Cutter''': ''[determined]'' Men, let's move it! Get these ants up here.
:''[The soldiers start pulling the ants out. Cutter flies into the hole and dives in. Z continues to sink. Cutter rescues his friend]''
:'''Queen Ant''': Thank goodness we made it.
:'''Princess Bala''': Wait here.
:'''Azteca''': Okay. Weaver.
:'''Worker Ant''': Thank you.
:'''Princess Bala''': Where's Z? Oh, no.
:'''Weaver''': Back up, everybody, back up! Give him some air. Back up.
:'''Princess Bala''': Z, oh, Z. Please wake up.
:'''Azteca''': Oh, no. ''[sobbing]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Huh! ''[coughs]''
:''[The ants start cheering]''
:'''Princess Bala''': ''[kisses Z]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': Yowch!
:'''Azteca''': You know, Weaver, you still owe me that dinner.
:'''Weaver''': ''[kisses Azteca]'' Babylove.
:'''Azteca''': We made it, Z!
:'''Weaver''': You da ant! ''[congratulates him]''
:'''Princess Bala''': You did it.
:'''Z Marion-4195''': We did it. ''[the ants grab Z and Bala]'' Fellas, fellas, please. This is very embarrasing for me, I...
:''[Bala laughs]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': On the other hand, I probably could get used to this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Z Marion-4195''': There you have it. Your average 'boy-meets-girl, boy-likes-girl, boy-changes-underlying-social-order' story. So, what else can I tell you? We rebuilt the colony - it's even better than before, you know, 'cause now it has a very large indoor swimming pool. Bala and I, incidentally, are thinking of starting a family. You know, just a few kids, maybe a million or two to begin with. And I'm, I'm workin' with a new therapist, you know, terrific, absolutely terrific. He's, he's been putting me in touch with my inner maggot, which is helping me a great deal. And, you know, I finally feel like I found my place, and you know what? It's right back where I started. But the difference is, this time I chose it.

==DORIS DAY lyrics (High Hopes)==
:'''Doris Day''': Next time your found, with your chin on the ground / There a lot to be learned, so look around...| Just what makes that little old ant / Think he'll move that rubber tree plant / Anyone knows an ant, can't / Move a rubber tree plant.
:'''Doris Day and Children''': But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes / He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes.
:'''Doris Day''': So any time your gettin' low / 'Stead of lettin' go / Just remember that ant / Oops there goes another rubber tree plant...| When troubles call, and your back's to the wall / There a lot to be learned, that wall could fall...| Once there was a silly old ram / Thought he'd punch a hole in a dam / No one could make that ram, scram / He kept buttin' that dam.
:'''Doris Day and Children''': 'Cause he had high hopes, he had high hopes / He had high apple pie, in the sky hopes.
:'''Doris Day''': 'Cause he had high hopes, he had high hopes / He had high apple pie, in the sky hopes...| So any time your feelin' bad / 'Stead of feelin' sad / Just remember that ram / Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam...| All problems just a toy balloon / They'll be bursted soon / They're just bound to go pop / Oops there goes another problem kerplop...|''[chorus singing]''

== Taglines ==
* Every ant has his day.
* Every ant runs the colony.
* See the world from a whole new perspective.
* Actual size of the next really big movie star.
* All revolutions begin underground.
* Antz iz coming 10-2-98.
* &quot;The hero.&quot; (Z tagline)
* &quot;The princess.&quot; (Bala tagline)
* &quot;Best friend.&quot; (Weaver tagline)
* &quot;The general.&quot; (Mandible tagline)

== Voice cast ==
* [[Woody Allen]] — Zachary &quot;Z&quot; Marion
* [[Dan Aykroyd]] — Chip the Wasp
* [[Anne Bancroft]] — The Ant Queen
* [[w:Jane Curtin|Jane Curtin]] — Muffin &quot;Muffy&quot; the Wasp
* [[w:Danny Glover|Danny Glover]] — Staff Sergeant Barbatus
* [[w:Gene Hackman|Gene Hackman]] — General Mandible
* [[Jennifer Lopez]] — Azteca
* [[w:John Mahoney|John Mahoney]] — Grebs
* [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]] — The Psychiatrist
* [[w:Grant Shaud|Grant Shaud]] — The Foreman
* [[Sylvester Stallone]] — Corporal Weaver
* [[Sharon Stone]] — Princess Bala
* [[Christopher Walken]] — Colonel Cutter
* Mickie McGowan — Ants
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] — The One Worker

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|120587|Antz}}

{{Authority control}}
[[Category:1998 American animated films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Animated films about ants]]
[[Category:Films directed by Eric Darnell]]
[[Category:Films directed by Tim Johnson]]
[[Category:DreamWorks Animation]]
[[Category:1990s English-language films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Training Day</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>30227</id>
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      <id>3963103</id>
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      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-38377-88</username>
        <id>3347586</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>I added new quotes from Alonzo and Jake.</comment>
      <origin>3963103</origin>
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      <text bytes="16377" sha1="h3yskaxvvxgsfbo5jxwb76wec67qegf" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Denzel Washington at the 2024 Toronto International Film Festival 02 (cropped).jpg|thumb|To protect the sheep you got to catch the wolf. And it takes a wolf to catch a wolf.]]
'''''[[w:Training Day|Training Day]]''''' is a [[w:2001 in film|2001 film]] starring [[w:Denzel Washington|Denzel Washington]] as Alonzo Harris, a corrupt Los Angeles police officer, and [[Ethan Hawke]] as Jake Hoyt, a new recruit looking to become a part of Harris's elite narcotics unit.  The entire movie takes place over a single, intense 24-hour period that forever changes the lives of both officers.
:''Directed by [[w:Antoine Fuqua|Antoine Fuqua]]. Written by [[w:David Ayer|David Ayer]]''
{{center|'''The only thing more dangerous than the line being crossed, is the cop who will cross it.''' ([[#taglines|taglines]])}}

== Alonzo Harris ==
* My nigga
* To protect the sheep you gotta catch the wolf, and '''it takes a wolf to catch a wolf.'''
* '''It's not what you know; it's what you can prove.'''
* '''You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home?'''
* My friend? Tell me why...because he knows my first name? Son, this is the game. I'm playing his ass, that's my job, that's your job. Roger sold dope to kids. The world is a better place without him. Hey. This man was the biggest major violator in Los Angeles. I watched that cocksucker operate with impunity for over 10 years, and now I got him. The shit's chess, it ain't checkers. What did you think we were gonna do? we all of a sudden gonna roll up in a black-and-white? Slap the cuffs on him? &quot;You're under arrest&quot;? That's a high roller, dawg. 
* I'm sorry I exposed you to it, but it is. It's ugly, but it's necessary.
* You're terrified. Everybody goes through that the first time. I did. I went through it. The sooner you can match what's in your head with what's in the real world, the better you're gonna feel. In this business, you gotta have a little dirt on you for anybody to trust you. When all this is behind you, there's gonna be a whole other world that opens up for you. I walk a higher path, son. I can give you the keys to all the doors.
* My guys are pretty good, but they're not leaders, they're clowns. You're a leader. You want my job? You got it. You want to lock up poisoners? This is the best place to do it. But you gotta just take your time. You'll make detective, play the game, you'll grow wise. And then you can change things. But you got to change them from the inside, son. 
* Congratulations, son. You made it. You passed the test. You're a narc. Put the gun down before you give my girl a heart attack.
* You got one problem, though, Jake. You got no witnesses. Who are your fucking witnesses? Huh? Roger? Smiley? You think my troops are gonna help you? It's not what you know it's what you can prove. What can you prove? Huh? Nothing. Where's your evidence? 
* Where you at, Jake? Come on out, dawg? ''[singing]'' Oh where, oh where has my little Jake gone? Oh where, oh where can he be? Ah! I see you. You know, I'm surgical with this bitch, Jake! How you want it, dawg? Huh? Closed casket? You remember that fool in the wheelchair? How do you think he got there? 
* You ain't never killed nobody before, have you? It ain't like stepping on ants, Jake. It takes a man to kill.  Are you man enough to kill, Jake?
* Oh, you motherfuckers. ''[chuckles]'' Okay. All right. I'm putting cases on all of you bitches! Huh? You think you can do this shit? Jake! You think you can do this to me?! You motherfuckers will be playin' basketball in Pelican Bay when I get finished with you! SHU program, nigga! 23 hour lockdown! I'm the man up in this piece! You'll never see the light of-- Who the fuck do you think you fuckin' with?! I'm the police! I run shit here! You just live here! Yeah, that's right, you better walk away! Go on and walk away, 'cause I'm gonna burn this motherfucker down! '''[[King Kong]] ain't got shit on me!''' That's right, that's right. Shit, I don't fuck. I'm winnin' anyway. I'm winnin'. I'm winnin' any motherfuckin' way, I can't lose. Shit, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me. ''[laughing to himself]'' 
*  Shit! Oh, what a day! What a motherfucking day!

== Smiley ==
* Three of a kind beats two pair, you fucking dumb truck.
* Alonzo, he's a hothead.  Last week in Vegas some Russian starts talking shit and Alonzo he just snapped.  Beat his ass to death.  Turns out that Russian is a somebody and now Alonzo, he's into the Russians for a million.

== Moreno ==
* Hey pig, you ever had your shit pushed in?  Your shit pushed in. Simple question.

=== Blue === 
* Smells like bacon in this muthafucka! What I look like, a sucka to you, nigga?! Fuck you, rookie! [''Flees in wheelchair'']

== Dialogue ==
[[File:Ethan Hawke at Berlinale 2025.jpg|thumb|I became a cop to put away drug dealers, the poisoners, the criminals, not to be one. ]]
:'''Hoyt''': This car is NOT from the motor pool.
:'''Alonzo Harris''': No it's not.  Sexy though, isn't it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alonzo Harris''': But I don't believe you. You tapped that ass didn't you. You did! You put her in the back seat- BAM- Code X!
:'''Hoyt''': Nah man, I got a wife. 
:'''Alonzo Harris''': You got a dick. You do have a dick, don't you? OK, the dick lines up straight like that right? To the right of it and to the left of it are pockets, right? In those pockets are money. Look in either one of 'em - pay the bill.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Alonzo forces Hoyt to smoke the weed at gunpoint.]''
:'''Alonzo Harris''': Left that out your service jacket. Yeah, I know you got secrets. Everybody got secrets. Didn't know you liked to get wet, dog.
:'''Jake Hoyt''': What's &quot;wet&quot;?
:'''Alonzo Harris''': Butt-naked. Ill. Sherms. Dust. PCP. Primos. P-Dog. That's what you had. That's what you were smoking, you couldn't taste it?
:'''Jake Hoyt''': No, I've never done it.
:'''Alonzo Harris''': You have now. I haven't, but you have.
:'''Jake Hoyt''': Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Man, I'm gonna get piss-tested, and then I'm gonna get fired!
:'''Alonzo Harris''': Lieutenant's got our back. We know a week before we piss.
:'''Jake Hoyt''': Oh, shit. ''Shit''!
:'''Alonzo Harris''': ''Boom''!
:'''Jake Hoyt''': Why did you do this to me?
:'''Alonzo Harris''': Nobody told you to smoke that thing. You made the decision. Live with your decision. Ain't like I put a gun to your head.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alonzo Harris''': You alright? [Jake looks at Alonzo, but doesn't answer] It behooves you not to dick around on this one. Justifiable homicide in the line of duty? What happened was...
:'''Jake Hoyt''': What happened was murder... and armed robbery. Wait, we had badges, so it's different?
:'''Alonzo Harris''': Open your eyes. Can't you see?
:'''Jake Hoyt''': That man was your friend, and you killed him like a fly.
:'''Alonzo Harris''': [chuckles] My friend? Tell me why...because he knows my first name? Son, this is the game. I'm playing his ass, that's my job, that's your job. Roger sold dope to kids. The world is a better place without him. Hey. This man was the biggest major violator in Los Angeles. I watched that cocksucker operate with impunity for over 10 years, and now I got him. The shit's chess, it ain't checkers. What did you think we were gonna do? we all of a sudden gonna roll up in a black-and-white? Slap the cuffs on him? &quot;You're under arrest&quot;? That's a high roller, dawg. Come on, man, take the money.
:'''Jake Hoyt''': I told you, I'm *not* gonna take that money.
:'''Alonzo Harris''': Okay, don't. Burn it, barbecue it, fish-fry it, I don't give a fuck. But the boys'll feel better about it.
:'''Jake Hoyt''': Fuck their feelings.
:'''Alonzo Harris''': Jake. You're not making them feel like you're part of the team.
:'''Jake Hoyt''': The team? You guys are fuckin' insane. All right, I'll go back to the Valley. I'll cut parking tickets. It can't be like this. 
:'''Alonzo Harris''': It is this way. I'm sorry I exposed you to it, but it is. It's ugly, but it's necessary.
:'''Jake Hoyt''': I became a cop to put away drug dealers, the poisoners, the criminals, not to be one. 
:'''Alonzo Harris''': [chuckles] You sound just like me.  I know what you're going through and feeling. You're scared. 
:'''Jake Hoyt''': I'm not scared! 
:'''Alonzo Harris''': Yes, you are. You're terrified. Everybody goes through that the first time. I did. I went through it. The sooner you can match what's in your head with what's in the real world, the better you're gonna feel. In this business, you gotta have a little dirt on you for anybody to trust you. When all this is behind you, there's gonna be a whole other world that opens up for you. I walk a higher path, son. I can give you the keys to all the doors.
:'''Jake Hoyt''': What are you talking about? 
:'''Alonzo Harris''': My guys are pretty good, but they're not leaders, they're clowns. You're a leader. You want my job? You got it. You want to lock up poisoners? This is the best place to do it. But you gotta just take your time. You'll make detective, play the game, you'll grow wise. And then you can change things. But you got to change them from the inside, son. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Blue''': [''Wheels up in a wheelchair to Alonzo's vehicle'']  What you need, homey?
:'''Jake Hoyt''': [[w:crack cocaine|Crack]]. 20 bucks' worth.
:'''Blue''': Crack? [''Looks at Alonzo''] Smells like bacon in this muthafucka! What I look like, a sucka to you, nigga?! Fuck you, rookie! [''Wheels away in a chase with Alonzo and Jake in pursuit'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alonzo''': [''After catching Blue in the back of a Korean store after a chase, forcefully pressing a pen down Blue's throat causing him to vomit the crack rocks he was hiding in his stomach''] What's that?
:'''Blue''': Motherfucking crack, man.
:'''Alonzo''': That's right, Jimmy Crack Corn. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Oh, you're federally fucked now. You got crack... and a gun. You know with your record you can get 10 years per bullet? Now you gon' gimme a name. ['''Pops out a bullet''] That's 10 right there.
:'''Blue''': Come on, man. You know I ain't no snitch, man.
:'''Alonzo''': I know you ain't no snitch. Gimme a name. [''Removes bullet''] That's 20.
:'''Blue''': Fuck!
:'''Alonzo''': Gimme a name. [''Pops out a bullet''] That's 30 years. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? [''Pops out a bullet''] 
:'''Blue''': He in the county!
:'''Alonzo''': Who?
:'''Blue''': Nigga named Sandman. That's all the fuck I know, man! Shit!
:'''Alonzo''': See how easy that was? [''Pops out a bullet''] 
:'''Blue''': I'm sick of this shit, man.
:'''Alonzo''': You wanna collect the evidence?
:'''Jake''': Fuck that.
:'''Alonzo''': My nigga.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
[[File:Badge of a Los Angeles Police Department officer.png|thumb|I'm the man up in this piece! You'll never see the light of-- Who the fuck do you think you fuckin' with?! I'm the police! I run shit here! You just live here! Yeah, that's right, you better walk away! Go on and walk away, 'cause I'm gonna burn this motherfucker down! '''[[King Kong]] ain't got shit on me!''']]
:'''Jake Hoyt''': It's no fun when the rabbit has the gun, is it?!
:'''Alonzo Harris''': [chuckles] My nigga. [to the crowd] Hey, first Damu puts one in his head, I'll make you a rich man! Come on now. Who wanna get paid? Who wanna get paid?
:'''Jake Hoyt''': They're not like you. You wanna know what I learned today? I'm not like you. 
:'''Alonzo Harris''': That's good, Jake. I'm glad to hear that. Good. So what now? Huh? What you're gonna do? You're gonna shoot me? You're gonna bust your cherry killing a cop? [puts on his police badge necklace] There it is, Jake. Hit me. [points to his chest] You ain't never killed nobody before, have you? It ain't like stepping on ants, Jake. It takes a man to kill. [Alonzo gets up] Are you man enough to kill, Jake? [points to his forehead] Get me right there. Get me, Jake. Get me. Hit me. Hit me. You can't do it. Somebody drop this fool for me! [Bone approaches Jake with his gun, but puts it down on the ground. 
:'''Bone''': [to Jake] You got us twisted, homie. You gotta put your own work in around here. 
:'''Alonzo Harris''': Alright. It's like that, Bone?
:'''Bone''': It's like that. [backs away]
:'''Alonzo Harris''': Player to player. Pimp to pimp. I don't believe you'd shoot me, nigga. 
:'''Jake Hoyt''': Don't do it. Don't do it. 
:'''Alonzo Harris''': I don't believe you got it in you, Jake. [picks up his box of cigarettes, and smiles at Jake as he smokes] I'm gonna get that gun and then Imma get that money. And you ain't gonna do a damn thing, 'cause you ain't gonna shoot no cop in the back, are you? 
:'''Jake Hoyt''': [Cocks gun] Don't do it.
:'''Alonzo Harris''': You know what they give you for that? The gas chamber. You know what the gas chamber smells like? Pine oil. That's where you headed, boy. To pine oil heaven, I'm gonna get that gun, and then I'm gonna get that money. I don't believe you got it in you, Jake. I'm gonna go get it right now. [Alonzo almost picks up Bone's gun, but Jake shoots Alonzo in his buttocks] SHIT! OH! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!!
:'''Jake Hoyt''': The next one will kill you!
:'''Alonzo Harris''': SON OF A BITCH!! YOU SHOT ME IN THE ASS!!! Wait, wait, wait, okay okay. Alright look. Come on, Jake I need that money. Give me the money, Jake. Give me the money, please, Jake, GIVE ME THAT MONEY!!!
:'''Jake Hoyt''': It's not gonna happen! 
:'''Alonzo Harris''': What? You're gonna jack me now? You're gonna take my own money from me? 
:'''Jake Hoyt''': I told you, that's my evidence. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home?
:'''Alonzo Harris''': [smiles] I wanna go home, Jake. [puts his hands above his head] Come on, give me that money and let me go home.
:'''Jake Hoyt''': Yeah? You wanna go home? 
:'''Alonzo Harris''': Yeah, let me go home, Jake. Come on, give me that money and let me go home. Give me that money and let me go home. Come on. [Jake rips Alonzo's badge necklace off his neck, and Alonzo loses his smile]
:'''Jake Hoyt''': You don't deserve this. [Bone picks up his gun and aims it at Alonzo]
:'''Bone''': Jake. Go ahead and bounce, homie. Get up out of here. We got your back. 
:'''Alonzo Harris''': What? 
:'''Bone''': It's like that. 
:'''Alonzo Harris''': [Jake leaves with Alonzo's pay-off for the Russian mob]'' What? Oh, no, you didn't. Wait a minute, no, you didn't! Hey, hey, Jake! Hey! Jake! Jake! Jake, come back here! Jake! [to Bone] You disloyal fool-ass bitch-made-punk-- Jake! I need my money! Jake! ''[to the neighbourhood residents who turned on him, tired of his abuse]'' Oh, you motherfuckers. ''[chuckles]'' Okay. All right. I'm putting cases on all of you bitches! Huh? You think you can do this shit? Jake! You think you can do this to me?! You motherfuckers will be playin' basketball in Pelican Bay when I get finished with you! SHU program, nigga! 23 hour lockdown! I'm the man up in this piece! You'll never see the light of-- Who the fuck do you think you fuckin' with?! I'm the police! I run shit here! You just live here! Yeah, that's right, you better walk away! Go on and walk away, 'cause I'm gonna burn this motherfucker down! '''[[King Kong]] ain't got shit on me!''' That's right, that's right. Shit, I don't fuck. I'm winnin' anyway. I'm winnin'. I'm winnin' any motherfuckin' way, I can't lose. Shit, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me. ''[laughing to himself]'' Shit! Oh, what a day! What a motherfucking day!

== Cast ==
* [[w:Denzel Washington|Denzel Washington]] — Detective Alonzo Harris
* [[Ethan Hawke]] — Jake Hoyt
* [[w:Scott Glenn|Scott Glenn]] — Roger
* [[w:Tom Berenger|Tom Berenger]] — Stan Gursky
* [[w:Harris Yulin|Harris Yulin]] — Detective Doug Rosselli
* [[w:Raymond J. Barry|Raymond J. Barry]] — Captain Lou Jacobs
* [[w:Cliff Curtis|Cliff Curtis]] — &quot;Smiley&quot;
* [[w:Dr. Dre|Dr. Dre]] — Detective Paul
* [[Snoop Dogg]] — Blue
* [[Macy Gray]] — &quot;Sandman&quot;'s wife
* [[w:Charlotte Ayanna|Charlotte Ayanna]] — Lisa Hoyt
* [[Eva Mendes]] — Sara
* [[w:Nick Chinlund|Nick Chinlund]] — Detective Tim

== External links ==

{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title | id=0139654 | title=Training Day}}

[[Category:2001 films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Crime thriller films]]
[[Category:Films about the Russian Mafia]]
[[Category:Films about psychopaths]]
[[Category:Gang films]]
[[Category:Films about police misconduct]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Simpsons/Season 5</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>31250</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963145</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-07-10T17:11:22Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-37455-50</username>
        <id>3346576</id>
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      <comment>/* Marge on the Lam */</comment>
      <origin>3963145</origin>
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      <text bytes="68189" sha1="j24pgaqhnkb9ir7af4arvcirgsr4r1q" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Simpsons''/Season 5}}
{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

===''[[w:Homer's Barbershop Quartet|Homer's Barbershop Quartet]]''===
:'''Bart''': Dad, when did you record an album?
:'''Homer''': I'm surprised you don't remember, son. It was only 8 years ago.
:'''Bart''': Dad, thanks to television I can't remember what happened 8 minutes ago.
:''[all Simpsons but Bart start laughing]''
:'''Bart''': No really, I can't, it's a serious problem!
:''[everyone laughs again, and Bart finally relents and laughs too]''
:'''Bart''': What're we all laughing about?
:'''Homer''': Who cares?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barney''': David Crosby? You're my hero!
:'''[[David Crosby]]''': Oh, you like my music?
:'''Barney''': You're a musician?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After the Grammy Awards...]''
:'''Homer''': ''Then came to the greatest thrill of my life.''
:'''[[George Harrison]]''': Hello, Homer, I'm George Harrison.
:'''Homer''': Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Where did you get that brownie?
:'''Harrison''': Over there. There's a big pile of 'em.
:'''Homer''': ''[walks over to the brownies and wolfs down a whole bunch]'' Oh, man.
:'''Harrison''': ''[completely sincere]'' Well, what a nice fellow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Be Sharps are going through hard times.]''
:'''Homer, Skinner, and Apu''': ''[singing tiredly]'' ''For all the latest medical poop''
:''Call Surgeon General [[C. Everett Koop]]''
:''Koop Koop-a-doop''
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': ''[to Homer]'' This is worse than your song about [[Mr. T]].
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': I pity the fool who doesn't like... he. And where's Barney?
:'''Principal Skinner''': Oh, he's with [[Yoko Ono|his new girlfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist]].
:''[Barney and his girlfriend walk in, and Barney inserts a demo tape into a recorder]''
:'''Barney''': Barbershop is in danger of growing stale. I'm taking it to strange new places.
:''[On the recorder]''
:'''Barney's Girlfriend''': [[w:Revolution 9|Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'' Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'' Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'']]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[during the closing credits]'' I'd like to thank you on behalf of the group, and I hope we passed the audition. ''[Everyone laughs, including Barney. After the laughter dies down]''
:'''Barney''': I don't get it.

===''[[w:Cape Feare|Cape Feare]]''===

:''[after seeing an episode of ''Up Late with McBain'', where Rainier Wolfcastle gets booed for his homophobic joke about Scoey's outfit]''
:'''Bart''' ''[disgusted]'': This is ''horrible''!
:'''Lisa''' ''[disappointed, but not surprised]'': The FOX network has sunk to a new low.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa and Bart''': AAAH! SIDESHOW BOB!
:'''Bart''': ''You'' wrote me those letters!
:'''Marge''': You awful man! Stay away from my son!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': ''[menacing]'' Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right! Stay away... FOREVER!
:'''Homer''': Oh no!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': Wait a minute. That's no good. ''[walks away, then runs back]'' Wait, I've got a good one now! Marge, say &quot;stay away from my son&quot; again.
:'''Marge''': No!
:''[Sideshow Bob grumbles and walks away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Blue-Haired Lawyer|Blue-Haired Lawyer]]''': But what about that tattoo on your chest?  Doesn't it say, &quot;Die Bart, Die?&quot;
:'''Sideshow Bob''': No, that's German for &quot;The Bart, The.&quot;
:'''Juror''': No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Now Sideshow Bob can't get in without me knowing. And once a man is in your home, anything you do to him is nice and ''[winks]'' legal.
:'''Homer''': Is that so? ''[yells out kitchen window]'' Oh, Flanders? Won't you join me in my kitchen? ''[Ned turns off the hose. Homer stands on the wall next to the kitchen arch, preparing to strike Flanders]'' Heh-heh-heh-heh...
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Uh, it doesn't work when you invite 'em.
:'''Ned''': Hidilly-hey!
:'''Homer''': Go home.
:'''Ned''': Toodledy-do!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer has hired a detective to take care of Sideshow Bob]''
:'''Detective''': Now, don't you fret. When I'm through, he won't set foot in this town again. I can be very, ''very'' persuasive. ''[Holsters a gun]''
:''[Detective is at a bar with Sideshow Bob]''
:'''Detective''': ''[whining]'' C'mon, leave town!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': No.
:'''Detective''': I'll be your friend!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': No.
:'''Detective''': Oh, you're mean!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Simpsons are being placed in the Federal Witness Protection Program]''
:'''FBI Agent #1''': Tell you what, sir, from now on, you'll be Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit, hmm? When I say &quot;hello, Mr. Thompson&quot;, you'll say &quot;hi&quot;.
:'''Homer''': Check!
:'''FBI Agent #1''': Hello, Mr. Thompson. ''[Homer doesn't respond and stares blankly]'' Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
:'''Homer''': I gotcha.
:'''FBI Agent #1''': Hello, Mr. Thompson.
:''[again Homer doesn’t respond and stares blankly. The FBI agents exchange looks]''
:''[hours pass by]''
:'''FBI Agent #1''': ''[frustrated]'' Argh... Now when I say &quot;hello, Mr. Thompson&quot; and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
:'''Homer''': No problem.
:'''FBI Agent #1''': ''[stepping hard on Homer's foot]'' Hello, Mr. Thompson.
:'''Homer''': ''[still doesn't respond and stares blankly again for a few seconds, then whispers to the other FBI agent]'' I think he's talking to you.
:''[the FBI agent facepalms]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer busts into Bart's room at night with glowing eyes and a knife]''
:'''Homer''': '''BART DO YOU WANT SOME BROWNIES BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?!'''
:''[Bart screams]''
:''[Homer switches back to normal, holding a brownie tray]''
:'''Homer''': Let me cut you a brownie while they're still hot!
:'''Bart''': Dad, I'm kind of edgy right now. I'd appreciate you not coming in my room screaming and brandishing a butcher's knife!
:'''Homer''': Why? ''[looks at the knife in his hand]'' Oh, right! The Sideshow Bob thing! I'm sorry, boy.
:''[Homer puts the knife down, kisses Bart gently on the forehead, and walks out of the room. Bart turns over to go to sleep and Homer busts back in.]''
:'''Homer''': '''BART YOU WANNA SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK?!''' ''[stands over Bart revving the chainsaw]''
:''[Bart screams louder]''
:''[Homer returns to normal]''
:'''Homer''': Oh, sorry! What ''am'' I thinking?
:''[Homer kisses Bart on the forehead and walks out of the room]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob. You're under arrest.
:'''Sideshow Bob''': ''[furious]'' '''''By Lucifer's beard!'''''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Uh, yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Bart''': Take 'im away, boys.
:'''Wiggum''': Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake 'im away, toys.
:'''Lou''': What'd you say, chief?
:'''Wiggum''': Do what the kid says.

===''[[w:Homer Goes to College|Homer Goes to College]]''===
:'''Female Intercom''': [''as the dog pulls the level to stop a meltdown''] Meltdown averted. Good boy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is sitting in a nuclear inspection van]''
:'''Male NRC agent''': Homer, this is an exact replica of your work station. 
:'''Homer''': Hm?
:'''Male NRC agent''': Now, we're going to simulate a power surge in core sector eight.
:'''Homer''': What the hell are you talking about? 
:''[The agents slam the door of the van shut, and slide open a peephole to watch Homer]''
:'''Homer''': ''[blubbering]'' What do I do? What do I do? In the name of God, you've gotta tell me!
:'''Male NRC agent''': Relax! It's just a simulator. Nothing can go wrong.
:'''Homer''': ''[to himself]'' Just poke blindly at the controls until they let you go.
:''[Homer shields his eyes and pushes random buttons, inexplicably causing a meltdown]''
:'''Male NRC agent''': No, no! This... can't be happening!
:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns run to an escape pod. Burns seals the door; Smithers desperately pounds on it]''
:'''Smithers''': For the love of God, sir, there are two seats!
:'''Mr Burns''': ''[reopens the door]'' I like to put my feet up.
:''[Homer emerges from the crater, glowing a radioactive green.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Raargh! Must... destroy... mankind! ''[his watch beeps]'' Ooh, lunchtime. ''[Homer shakes off the radiation and walks off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Male NRC agent''': I'm still not sure how he caused the meltdown.  There wasn't any nuclear material in the truck!
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, very well, it's time for your bribe. Now, you can either have the washer and dryer where the lovely Smithers is standing, or you can trade it all in for what's in this box.
:'''Male NRC agent''': The box, the box!
:'''Female NRC agent''': Look, Burns, this is a big problem. You can't just throw money at it and make it go away.
:''[Mayor Quimby appears, wearing a fur coat that still has the $5,000 price tag attached to it.]''
:'''[[w:Joe Quimby|Mayor Quimby]]''': Gentlemen, I've decided there will be, uh, no investigation. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go away. ''[departs]''
:'''Male NRC agent''': You're in big trouble, Burns. Homer Simpson's job requires college training in nuclear physics.  Now you get your man up to speed, or we'll be forced to take legal action.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Is that so? Well, I have a feeling you'll be... ''dropping'' the charges.
:''[Burns presses a button on his desk. A trapdoor opens a few feet behind the NRC agents, who stare at it in confusion.]''
:'''Smithers''': The painters moved your desk, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ah, yes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': You [Homer] must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon.
:'''Smithers''': Actually sir we found the Jade Monkey; it was in your glove compartment.
:'''Mr. Burns''': And the road maps and ice scraper?
:'''Smithers''': They were in there too sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Excellent, it's all falling into place.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer, Bart and the nerds have captured Sir Oinkcelot]''
:'''Homer''': Look! You pull its tail straight and it curls right back up again! ''[He begins pulling the pig's tail]'' Curly, straight! Curly, straight! Curly, straight! Curly, straight! ''[Sir Oinkcelot starts squealing in agony]''
:'''Doug''': Mr. Simpson, I don't think he likes that.
:'''Homer''': Of course he does! He's a cute little piggy! ''[Continues pulling Sir Oinkcelot's tail]'' Curly, straight! Curly, straight! ''[The pig viciously bites Homer on his hand]'' OW!! ''[turns red with anger]'' WHY YOU LITTLE...! ''[Homer lunges at Sir Oinkcelot, but Bart and the nerds restrain him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Hello, Dean? You're a stupid-head!
:'''Peterson''': ''[looks out the window]'' Homer, is that you?
:''[Homer screams and flees the payphone]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': YES! Take ''that'', Bitterman!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': [''sees Snake Jailbird''] Hey, that's not the wallet inspector.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Professor''': Good morning, and welcome to Nuclear Physics 101. I see a lot of new faces, but you know the old saying: &quot;Out with the old, in with the ''nucleus''&quot; ''[Every student in the class except Homer bursts out with laughter]'' Now, let's just get started on the- whoops. ''[He drops his lecture notes, this time Homer explodes with laughter]''
:'''Homer''': Oh, did you see that jerk! He dropped his notes! ''[Homer continues laughing obnoxiously loud]''

===''[[w:Rosebud (The Simpsons)|Rosebud]]''===
:'''Smithers''': Who's Bobo, sir?
:'''Mr. Burns''': Bobo? Oh I meant ''Lobo'', uh, ''[[w:The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo|Sheriff Lobo]]''. They ''never'' should have cancelled that show. What were they thinking?
:'''Smithers''': Oh, I see. On another topic, the preparations for your birthday have begun.
:'''Mr. Burns''': I won't get what I really want.
:'''Smithers''': No one does.
:''[Smithers briefly imagines Burns popping out of a cake naked and wearing only a sash like [[Marilyn Monroe]]]''
:'''Fantasy Mr. Burns''': ''[singing]'' ''[[w:Happy Birthday Mr. President|Happy Birthday, Mr. Smithers...]]''
:'''Smithers''': ''[smiles]'' Mmmm...
:''[At the Simpsons' house, Homer is tossing and turning in his sleep]''
:'''Homer''': Lobo...Lobo... Bring back Sheriff Lobo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is doing comedy at Burns' party.]''
:'''Homer''': Are you ready to laugh?
:'''Man in Audience''': Ugh, that poor dog.
:'''Homer''': I said, are you ready to laugh?!
:'''Woman in Audience''': Quiet, you awful man!
:'''Homer''': You know, Mr. Burns is ''so'' cheap--
:'''Mr. Burns''': What?
:'''Homer''': Er, I mean you know, Mr. Burns is so ''old''--
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[pounds the table]'' How ''dare you''!
:'''Homer''': Whoa! Tough crowd. Better bring out the big guns... ''[clears throat]'' Here's an impression of Mr. Burns that you might find, a little &quot;cheeky&quot;.
:''[Homer moons the crowd, revealing a face painted on his buttocks; everyone in the audience gasps]''
:'''Homer''': ''[mockingly]'' I'm Mr. Burns, blah, blah, blah! Do this, do that, blah, blah, blah! I think I'm so big, blah blah ''blaaah!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Destroy him. ''[one of Burns' security staff whacks Homer over the head with a baton, leaving him unconscious]'' This party is over. ''[the security staff start attacking other party guests at random]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Mr. Burns' party, Homer is nursing the lump on his head he got during his comedy act at Burns' party]''
:'''Homer''': Aw, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
:'''Lisa''': I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Bart, run down to the store and get a bag of ice for your father.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Yes'm. Dad, I know you're discouraged, but please, don't deny the world your fat can.
:'''Homer''': Don't worry, boy. He'll be ready for your Aunt Selma's birthday.
:'''Lisa''': I knew it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns are crawling across the ceiling of the Simpson home, using suction cups. They freeze when Homer walks to the refrigerator]''
:'''Homer''': Mmmm... 64 slices of [[w:American cheese|American cheese]]. ''[sits at the table and begins eating one at a time]'' 64...63...''[Time passes to morning]'' 2...1.
:'''Marge''': ''[entering]'' Have you been up all night eating cheese?
:'''Homer''': I think I'm blind.
:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns fall the the floor and get up]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Good day to you.
:''[They both leave]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barney The Dinosaur:''' Two plus two is four... two plus two is four... two plus two is four.
:'''Homer:''' Hehehe. I can see why this is so popular.

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror IV|Treehouse of Horror IV]]''===
:''[first lines]''
:'''Bart''': ''[walking in front of a set of paintings]'' Paintings: Lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to hell! So scary and horrible...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Devil Ned has give Homer an enchanted doughnut.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oooh!
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Devil Ned]]''': Now, remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for...
: ''[Homer has already scarfed the doughnut, except for one small piece.]''
:'''Homer''': Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?
:'''Devil Ned''': Well, technically, no, but...
:'''Homer''': ''[sing-song]'' I'm smarter than the Devil! I'm smarter than the Dev--
:''[Devil Ned angrily transforms into a huge, red demon.]''
:'''Devil''': ''[deep voice]'' '''YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, HOMER SIMPSON!!'''
:''[He vanishes into the floor. Homer smugly puts the last doughnut piece into his pocket.]''
:'''Homer''': Not likely. He, he, he.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Hell Labs Ironic Punishment Division, Homer is strapped to a chair where a blue demon arrives]''
:'''Blue Demon''': So, you like donuts, eh?
:'''Homer''': Uh-huh.
:'''Blue Demon''': Well! Have all the donuts in the world!
:''[He starts laughing as Homer is force fed donuts. 15 minutes later, it's revealed that this torture has backfired as Homer still hasn't had enough.]''
:'''Homer''': More.
:'''Blue Demon''': I don't understand it. [[:w:James Coco|James Coco]] went mad in 15 minutes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Devil Ned''': I give you the Jury of the Damned: [[Benedict Arnold]], [[:w:Lizzie Borden|Lizzie Borden]], [[Richard Nixon]].
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': But I’m not dead yet. In fact, I just wrote an article for [[:w:Redbook|Redbook]].
:'''Devil Ned''': Hey, listen, I did a favor for you.
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': Yes, master.
:'''Devil Ned''': [[:w:John Wilkes Booth|John Wilkes Booth]], [[:w:Blackbeard|Blackbeard the Pirate]], [[:w:John Dillinger|John Dillinger]]. And the starting line of the [[:w:1976 Philadelphia Flyers–Red Army game|1976 Philadelphia Flyers]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Devil Ned''': Alright Simpson, you get your soul back. But let that ill-gotten doughnut be ''FOREVER ON YOUR HEAD!!!''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sees a school bus inside the painting]'' The School Bus? Oh, they must mean The Ghoul Bus!
:'''Lisa''': Nope, says right there: ''[points the painting and reads it]'' &quot;School Bus&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sees a gremlin on the school bus during a trip and screams]'' Everybody! There's a monster on the side of the bus!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[horrified at the Dogs Playing Poker painting]'' They're dogs, and they're playing poker!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Simpsons arrive at Mr. Burns' castle. Homer rings the doorbell.]
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': ''[via intercom]'' Welcome, come in. ''[sinisterly, still heard on intercom]'' Ah, fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead.
:'''[[w:Waylon Smithers|Smithers]]''': Sir, you have to let go of the button.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, son of a bi-- ''[door opens]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': BART! How many times have I told you not to bite your sis— Wait a minute! You ARE a vampire!
:'''Grampa''': QUICK!! We have to kill the boy!!
:'''Marge''': How'd you know he's a vampire?
:'''Grampa''': He's a vampire? ''[screams]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': We've got to do something! Today, he's drinking people's blood - tomorrow, he could be smoking!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Simpsons arrive at Mr. Burns's crypt. Homer opens his casket and is ready to stake him.]
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Take that, vile fiend! ''[starts staking Burns repeatedly]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Uh, dad? That's his crotch.
:'''Homer''': Oh.. sorry. ''[puts stake to his heart]'' BAH''!!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[screams]''
:''[He quivers then stops and melts into mold]''
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' Aah...
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[comes back to life]'' YOU'RE FIRED!!! ''[melts into mold and dies again]''
:'''Homer''': D'OH!

===''[[w:Marge on the Lam|Marge on the Lam]]''===
:'''Rescue Worker 1''': Homer, this is never easy to say, I'm going have to saw your arms off.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': They'll grow back, right?
:'''Rescue Worker''': Oh...yeah.
:'''Homer''': Whew.
:''[the rescue worker starts the rotary saw and moves it toward Homer's arm]''
:'''Rescue Worker 2''': Homer, are you just holding on to the can?
:'''Homer''': Your point being?
:''[Homer leaves with everyone laughing at him]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': You're absolutely right, Homer. We don't need a babysitter.
:'''Homer''': ''[suspicious]'' Wait a second... ''[pulls a card from his pocket: &quot;ALWAYS DO OPPOSITE OF WHAT BART SAYS&quot;]'' Hmm...you kids ''do'' need a babysitter.
:'''Bart''': Blast that infernal card! ''[to Homer]'' ''Don't'' give that card to me.
:'''Homer''': Here you g-- ''[pulls back]'' No!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, when I couldn't help but overhear you are in need of a babysitter. Now, as a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.
:'''Homer''': We pay $8.00 for the night and you can take two Popsicles out of the freezer.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Three.
:'''Homer''': Two.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Okay, two, and I get to keep this old birdcage.
:'''Homer''': Done.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[to himself]'' Still got it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(as Ruth and Marge are taking in the breathtaking view of Springfield)''
:'''Ruth Powers''': Look. You can see our houses.
:'''Marge''': Hmm. There's an awful lot of black smoke coming from my chimney.
:''(cut to the Simpsons living room. Lionel Hutz is throwing piles of his personal effects into the fireplace while Bart and Lisa watch)''
:'''Lisa''': Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. ''(cheerfully)'': Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart and Lisa wake up the next day on the couch]''
:'''Bart''': Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home yet.
:'''Lisa''': Don't worry. Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us.
:''[Lisa budges Lionel Hutz awake. He growls menacingly and brandishes a knife]''
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[defensively]'' Don't touch my stuff! ''[realizes that he just scared Bart, Lisa, and Maggie; sheepishly, as he sits on the couch with a confused expression on his face]'' H-Hey, this isn't the YMCA.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(Dragnet-style epilogue of what happened to everyone involved in the episode)''
:'''Narrator''': Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced him to pay all back child support. Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, A.K.A. Miguel Sanchez, A.K.A., Dr. Nguyen van Thuoc, was paid $8 for his 32 hours of babysitting, he was glad to get it. Marge Simpson was charged with the violation of penal code section 618A: Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans. She was ordered to pay 50 cents to replace the cans and $2000 in punitive damage and mental anguish. Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing.
:'''Homer''': Woohoo!

===''[[w:Bart's Inner Child|Bart's Inner Child]]''===
:'''Homer''': Oh no you don't! That trampoline is mine! ''[crashes into the other car]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[as the trampoline jumps on him repeatedly onto a cliff]'' If this were a cartoon, the cliff would break off now. ''[dissolves to nighttime]'' I'm thirsty. ''[This causes the cliff to break, and fall off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Troy McClure|Troy McClure]]''': Hi! I'm Troy McClure!
:'''Brad Goodman''': And I'm Brad Goodman.
:'''[[w:Troy McClure|Troy McClure]]''': You might remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid!'
:'''Brad Goodman''': And you know me about such-help videos.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Brad Goodman''': I want you all to close your eyes and listen to your inner child. Listen, what's he saying?
:'''Ned's Inner Child''': Stay on the course big Ned, you're doing super! ''[Ned smiles]''
:'''Homer's Inner Child''': ''[points to his mouth]'' Food goes in here.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': It sure does.
:'''Moe's Inner Child''': ''[in Italian accent]'' Hey-a Moe, what's-tha mattah? Ya no talking wit ya accent-a no more.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': ''[slaps face]'' ''Mamma mia!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': A new mood is in the air in Springfield as refreshing as a moistened towelette. Folks are finally accepting their feelings and freely communicating with no holding back. And this reporter thinks it's about ''[beep]''ing time! Of course all these good feelings can be traced to one feisty little scamp who taught us that if it feels good, do it! ''[squirts whipped cream into his mouth]''
:'''Bart''': Lis, today I am a God.
:'''Lisa''': Is that why you're sitting on an ice cream sandwich?
:'''Bart''': Ewww...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': And I'm really enjoying this so called... iced cream!
:'''Smithers''': Sir, in the spirit of the festival and everything, I'd just like to say that.... I... love you.
:'''Burns''': Hm?
:'''Smithers''': In those colors! ''[to himself]'' Oh, who am I kidding? The boathouse was the time!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Skinner''': Darn! They're very slowly getting away!
:'''Moe''': Looks like they're headed for the old mill!
:'''Principal Skinner''': No they're not.
:'''Moe''': Well, let's go to the old mill anyway! Get some cider!

===''[[w:Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood|Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood]]''===
:'''Bart''': Aw man, how are we supposed to kill the rest of the afternoon?
:'''Hobo''': You mustn't kill time boys, you must cherish it, seize the day. Can I have some change to go get me loaded?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milhouse''': Hey, don't bogart that Squishee! ''[Barney chugs junkie]''
:'''Barney''': I dunno where you magic pixies came from, but I like your pixie drink.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals, except the [[w:weasel|weasel]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Milhouse Van Houten|Milhouse]]''': You're lucky. You only joined the Junior Campers. I got a dirty word shaved into the back of my head.
:''[Skinner walks by and stops when he sees the unseen &quot;dirty word&quot; in the back of Milhouse's head.]''
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': What is it with you boys and that word? ''[grabs Milhouse]'' I'm going to shave you bald, young man, until you learn that hair is not a right, it's a privilege.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[While looking for a peanut under the couch, Homer pulls out a 20 dollar bill]''
:'''Homer''': Awww, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut.
:'''Homer's Brain''': Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
:'''Homer''': Explain how!
:'''Homer's Brain''': Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
:'''Homer''': Woo-hoo!
:''[Homer starts running to the door, slips on the peanut he was looking for, and drops the money]''
:'''Homer''': D'OH!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Ya see anything yet?
:'''Lou''': Nothing captain, someone took all the beer and cold cuts.
:'''Wiggum''': Oh, that's it. I'm not even casting off until we go to the store.

===''[[w:The Last Temptation of Homer|The Last Temptation of Homer]]''===
:''[first lines]''
:'''Bart''': The beauty of it is, each parking space is a mere one foot narrower indistinguishable to the naked eye but therein lies the game!
:'''Milhouse''': I fear to watch! I cannot turn away!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Charlie is explaining to Mr., Burns about the gas leak]''
:'''Charlie''': Well, sir, I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous escape, but we desperately need a real emergency exit.
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Why, that's a fabulous idea. Anything else you'd like? How about real lead in the radiation shields? Urinal cakes, maybe? ''[hands Smithers a notebook]'' Smithers, throw this at him. ''[Smithers throws the book at Charlie. Mr. Burns right hand reaches under his desk and presses a button. A tube covers Charlie and sucks him upwards]'' Smithers, where does that tube go?
:'''[[w:Waylon Smithers|Smithers]]''': I'm not sure, sir; it was here when we moved in.
:''[Charlie then finds himself in an unnamed foreign country inhabited by cackling men wearing turbans. He is forced to dance to sitar music.]''
:'''Men''': Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! ''[Charlie does so. The men start ululating maniacally]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Department of Labor Agent''': This plant violates ''every'' labor law in the book! We found a missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core!
:'''Mr. Burns''': That plane crashed on ''my'' property!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Moe, I need your advice.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': Yeah?
:'''Homer''': You see, I have this friend named Joey Joe Joe...Junior...Shabadoo.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': Homer, that's the worst name I've ever heard. ''[a man in the bar runs out, crying]''
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': Hey, Joey Joe Joe!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[seeing the White House with Colonel Klink]'' Marge lives here?
:'''Man''': ''[voice only]'' Madam President, your approval rating is soar. ''[Marge murmurs]''
:'''Colonel Klink''': ''[sing-songy]'' This dream is over! ''[pops, Homer sends back in the phone booth]''
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[sees Homer stuck in the phone booth being knocked over]'' Hey, You! Get Out Of My Office!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[An alarm starts blaring at the power plant]''
:'''Smithers''': Someone is charging room service to the company, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well we'll just see about that! ''[uncovers a cage hold several winged monkeys]'' [[w:The Wizard of Oz|Fly, my pretties! Fly!]] ''[the monkeys leap out of the window, only to plummet to their deaths]'' Oh...''[to Smithers]'' Continue the research.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[to bullies in his normal self]'' Gentlemen, the nerd you knew is dead. Beat me, and you will be beating one of your own.
:'''Kearney''': Whatever! ''[they beat Bart anyway]''

===''[[w:$pringfield (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)|$pringfield (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)]]''===
:''[Homer puts on a pair of horn-rimmed glasses he finds floating in a toilet bowl.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': [[The Wizard of Oz|The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.]]
:'''Man in stall''': [[w: Pythagorean theorem|That's a ''right'' triangle]], ya idiot!
:'''Homer''': D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': Thank you for visiting our plant, Dr. Kissinger.
:'''[[Henry Kissinger]]''': It was fun.
:'''Smithers''': We'll let you know if your glasses turn up.
:'''[[Henry Kissinger]]''': Yes well, I'm sure I left them in the car. ''[thinking]'' No one must know I dropped them in the toilet. Not I, the man who drafted the [[w:Paris Peace Accords|Paris Peace Accords]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Scott, things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the Unemployment Office, joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors... now at the risk of sounding unpopular, this reporter places the blame for all of this squarely on you ''[pointing at the camera]'' the viewers!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor; and it's time to free your mother from his neon claws.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Krusty''': I don't wanna get a ''sore'' spot, but can we talk about herpes? Herpes, herpes, bo-berpes, banana fana fo-ferpes! Herpes, OH!! Hey! Y'know [[w:Port-wine stain| that spot]] on [[w:Mikhail Gorbachev|Gorbachev's]] head? Herpes, trust me! Anybody here have herpes? Huh? Huh? You people are the worst audience I've ever seen!
:'''Man in Audience''': Yeah, well you're the worse comedian WE'VE ever seen!
:'''Krusty''': Great! Then we'll just sit here silently for the next 90 minutes!
:'''Man in Audience''': Fine with us! ''[Krusty then sits down on stage in dismay]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Smithers''': I'm afraid Robert Goulet hasn't arrived yet, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Very well, begin the thawing of Jim Nabors.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Smithers''': Excuse me, ma'am, don't you think you've gambled enough?
:'''Marge''': No.
:'''Smithers''': Okay. We're required by law to ask every 75 hours. Get her another free drink.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart brings Robert Goulet to his treehouse casino]''
:'''[[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]]''': Are you sure this is the place? I think I should call my manager.
:'''Nelson Muntz''': Your manager says for you to shut up!
:'''Goulet''': ''[surprised]'' Vera said that?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[grabbing Marge]'' Yer gotta redda kid forrad yarrar!
:'''Marge''': Homer, what is it? Slow down!
:'''Homer''': ''[slowly, but still furious]'' J'yer gedda ferda redderarrar.
:'''Marge''': Think before you say each word.
:'''Homer''': You broke a promise to your child.
:'''Marge''': What?
:'''Homer''': You promised Lisa to help her with her costume. You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed -- she's such a little trooper.
:''[Marge then realizes that all her time spent at the casino made her neglect on her duties as a mother.]''

===''[[w:Homer the Vigilante|Homer the Vigilante]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': ''[horrified]'' The burglar even took my stamp collection!
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': ''[amused]'' ''You'' had a stamp collection?
:''[The family all laugh at Bart, and the phone rings. Bart answers it.]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': ''[on the phone]'' Stamp collection? Ha-ha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?
:'''[[w:Professor|Professor]]''': Mmm, yes I would, Kent.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that.

===''[[w:Bart Gets Famous|Bart Gets Famous]]''===
:''[Marge convinces Bart to perform one more time.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': You're right, Mom. I shouldn't let this bother me. I'm in television now. It's my job to be repetitive. My job. My job. Repetitiveness is my job. ''[to Marge]'' I'm gonna go out there and give the best performance of my life!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': The best performance of your life?
:'''Bart''': The best performance of my life!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': ''[to Bart]'' And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[breaking a lamp]'' D'oh!
:'''Bart''': Ay, caramba!
:'''Marge''': ''[groans]''
:'''[[w:Maggie Simpson|Maggie]]''': ''[sucks her pacifier]''
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Flanders]]''': Hi-dilly-ho!
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': ''[belches]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Ha, ha!
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Excellent.
:''[Long pause. Everyone looks expectantly at Lisa.]
:'''Lisa''': If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room. [She walks away.]
:'''Homer''': What kind of catchphrase is that?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I'm telling you, I do work on the Krusty show. Look at the Credits! [presses &quot;play&quot;]
:'''Krusty''': Bye bye, kids! ''[laughs]'' ''[credits roll, then after a few seconds they are squeezed for a news promo]''
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': I'm Kent Brockman. On the 11:00 news tonight, a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal. We won't tell you which one after sports and the weather with Funny Sonny Storm.
:'''Bart''': ''[Pausing the tape and pointing to his name on the screen]'' There's my name, right here, Bart Simpson.
:'''[[w:Milhouse Van Houten|Milhouse]]''': Looks more like Brad Storch.
:'''[[w:Martin Prince|Martin]]''': No, it says Betty. Betty Symington.
:'''[[Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': ''[Punching Bart in the stomach]'' That's for taking credit for other people's work.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[Reading news script]'' 'Tragic news tonight: a tidal wave in Kuala'... 'la'- la.... 'Pur'... 'Lam-pur'... France.
:''[Bart pops up and steals Kent's Danish.]''
:'''Bart''': Yoink!
:'''Kent Brockman''': Yoink? ''[After finding out his Danish is gone]'' [gasps]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[Shuffling his papers]'' Yeah, I know I'm on. But I don't care. I don't read the news until I get my Danish. Go ahead, try to find a replacement.
:'''Bumbleebee Man''': ''[Pushing Kent off the chair and sitting on it]'' [clearing throat] 'A powerful tidal wave in Kuala Lumpur has killed 120 people.' Ay Chihuahua! Whoa, whoa, whoa! ''[Loses balance and falls over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Announcer''': And now it's time for &quot;Match Game 2034&quot;, with [[Billy Crystal]]!
:'''Billy''': Hi!
:'''Announcer''': [[Farrah Fawcett|Farah Fawcett-Majors-O'Neal-Varney]]!
:'''Farah''': ''[Grunts]''
:'''Announcer''': The &quot;I didn't do it&quot; boy!
:'''Bart''': ''[Grunts]''
:'''Announcer:''': Ventriloquist [[Loni Anderson]]!
:'''Loni''': ''[sighs]''
:'''Announcer''': [[Spike Lee]]!
:'''Spike''': Mmm.
:'''Announcer''': And the always lovely and vivacious head of Kitty Carlisle!
:'''Kitty''': Hi, everybody: let's start the game!

===''[[w:Homer and Apu|Homer and Apu]]''===
:''[Homer is eating expired meat he bought at the Kwik-E-Mart]''
:'''Homer''' ''[as his stomach grumbles]'': Ooh! Stomach...churning! ''[keeps eating the expired ham. His stomach grumbling gets more intense. Begins to double over]'': Bowels...clenching. Not much time. ''[falls off the couch, off-screen]'': Must finish! ''[eating sounds]''
:''[Cut to an ambulance speeding down the street]''
:''[Establishing shot of Springfield General Hospital. Cut to a sick Homer in a hospital bed with Marge, the kids, and Dr. Hibbert standing over him]''
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': Well, sir, Homer's illness was either caused by ingesting spoiled food or...''[chuckles]'': some sort of voodoo curse.
:''[whip pan to Patty and Selma with a purse]''
:'''Patty''': Hey! We've just been working the eyes. ''[Selma holds up a Homer-shaped voodoo doll with 12 needles (six on each eye) in his eyes]''
:''[some time later]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Your old meat made me sick!
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': Why, I'm so sorry. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp. ''[Homer picks up and sniffs a piece of shrimp]''
:'''Homer''': This shrimp isn't frozen – and it smells funny!
:'''Apu''': Okay, ten pounds.
:'''Homer''': Woo-hoo!
:''[Cut to the same ambulance as before speeding down the street]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': Good evening, here's an update on last week's nursing home exposé, &quot;Geezers in Freezers&quot; – it turns out the rest home ''was'' adequately heated; the footage you saw was of a fur-storage facility. We've also been told to apologize for using the term &quot;geezers&quot;. Now, coming up next, &quot;The Case of the Cantankerous Old Geezer.&quot;
:'''Homer''': ''[couch-ridden with salmonella]'' Oh... Urp! Rancid meat attack! Stupid parasites! Is there no way I can find justice?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent''': We've come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversized novelty hat. ''[puts hat on Homer, straining on pain]'' Now, go get us some incriminating footage. And remember: you have to get in and out for 10 minutes, or you suffer permanent neck damage.
:'''Man''': ''[neck horribly bent]'' He's not kiddin'.
:''[Homer walks towards the Kwik-E-Mart doors, swaying and weaving. Apu watches him, curious. Kent and others watch through the camera in the surveillance van]''
:'''Apu''': Huh?
:'''Homer''': Don't be alarmed, Apu. Just go about your daily routine like I'm not wearing the hat.
:'''Apu''': Your headgear seems to be emitting a buzzing noise, sir. Perhaps you have a bee in your bonnet.
:'''Homer''': Bee? Agh! Woo! Woo! Agh-agh-agghh! ''[Stomps on the hat and runs out. Homer returns to the van, gasping for air]''
:'''Kent''': Homer, that hat's been with the station for twenty years. He had one day left 'til retirement.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Apu is replenishing the hot dog roller, unaware the camera in the hat is filming him. He drops one on the floor, it rolls towards the hat, and we get a wretched close-up of the wiener]''
:'''Apu''': Oh, it is encrusted with filth. ''[blows it]'' Oh, well, let's sell it anyway. Now this is just between me and you, smashed hat. ''[he winks right into the camera]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Apu, if I've learned anything, it's that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Apu''': That ''[the Kwik-E-Mart]'' is the sight of my spiritual de-pantsing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Apu are flying over the Himalayas]''
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No.
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No.
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No.
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No. Oh wait... Now we are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Apu''': He is the benevolent, enlightened president and CEO of Kwik-E-Mart – and in Ohio, Stop-O-Mart. ''[CEO slurps his Squishee]'' He is the one I must ask to get my job back.
:'''CEO''': Approach, my sons.
:''[Homer and Apu approach the CEO's meditation point]''
:'''CEO''': You may ask me three questions.
:'''Apu''': That's great, because I only need one.
:'''Homer''': ''[interrupting]'' Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
:'''CEO''': Yes.
:'''Homer''': Really?
:'''CEO''': Yes.
:'''Homer''': You?
:'''CEO''': Yes. I hope this has been enlightening for you.
:'''Apu''': But – I must—
:'''CEO''': Thank you, come again.
:'''Apu''': But—
:'''CEO''': Thank you, come again.
:''[Homer and Apu leave the convenient store]''
:'''Homer''': Well, that was a big bust. Is he ''really'' the head of the Kwik-E-Mart? ''[Apu growls, reaches towards Homer]'' No need to apologize, Apu – it was as much my fault as it was yours. ''[Apu pounces and strangles Homer]'' Okay, Apu ... I accept your apology! ''[both fight, topple off the path and fall down the mountain side]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[James Woods]]''': Apu, you saved my life. And as a small token of my appreciation, I got you your job back at the Kwik-E-Mart.
:'''Apu''': Oh! Oh, Mr. Woods, you're--
:'''Woods''': But as for me, I'm off to battle aliens on a faraway planet.
:'''Marge''': That sounds like a good movie.
:'''Woods''': Yes... yes, a... a movie, yes.

===''[[w:Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy|Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy]]''===
:''[Homer is buttering a muffin that he got out of an E-Z Bake Oven as he's driving]''
:'''Marge''': Mmm, I don't know if that's a good idea to do while you're driving.
:'''Homer''': Marge, that's what I bought it for.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Thanks for buying us these toys, Grampa.
:'''Grampa Simpson''' ''[dismissive]'': Bah! Why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows '']as Lisa becomes sad]'': or a nice pipe organ? ''[whining]'': I'm thirsty. Ooh, what smells like mustard? ''[The Simpsons continue driving, ignoring Grampa as he continues complaining]'': There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborbood. ''[Homer turns the car into the driveway as Grampa points]'': Ooh! Lookit that one! ''[overhead shot of everyone [except Grampa] fleeing the car and running inside the house]'': Oh, my glaucoma just got worse! The President is a Demmycrat! ''[plaintive]'': Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt! Hello! ''[honks car horn, despite being in the backseat and allegedly not being able to unbuckle his seat belt]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Malibu Stacy Doll''': Don't ask me. I'm just a girl! Ha ha, ha ha!
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Right on, say it, sister.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': It's not funny, Bart. Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act - that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goal in life is to look pretty, land a rich husband, and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends talkin' about how damned terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!
:'''Bart''': Just what I was gonna say.
:''[Lisa angrily throws the doll out the living room window. Cut to Grampa Simpson riding a bike down the street]''
:'''Grampa Simpson''': Look at me! I'm acting young!
:''[The doll gets caught in the spokes of the bicycle. Grampa Simpson flies off screaming past a blur of colors until he lands in an open grave at a cemetery. Two grave diggers having lunch turn around to see what the commotion is, then resume eating]''
:'''Grampa Simpson''': ''[from inside the grave]'' Hey, this ain't so bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lisa pressures Stacy Lovell about Malibu Stacy.]
:'''Stacy''': I see exactly what you mean; this is a problem. But what do you expect me to do?
:'''Lisa''': Change what she says. It's your company.
:'''Stacy''': Not since I was forced out in 1974. They said my way of thinking just wasn't cost effective.
:'''Lisa''': ''[gasps]'' That's awful.
:'''Stacy''': Well, that and I was funneling profits to the Viet Cong.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Smithers turns on his computer, its boot screen displays a computerized version of Mr. Burns]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Hello, Smithers. You're. Quite. Good. At. Turning. Me. On.
:'''Smithers''': Uh, you probably should ignore that.

===''[[w:Deep Space Homer|Deep Space Homer]]''===
:'''[[w:Montgomery Burns|Burns]]''': Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season! And remember: a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya. ''[Smithers whispers to him]'' Hmm?... What?... Oh, and by that I mean, of course, it's time for the &quot;Worker of the Week Award&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stillwater''': People, we're in danger of losing our funding.  America isn't interested in space exploration anymore.
:'''Babcock''': Maybe we should finally tell them the big secret, that all the [[w:Chimpanzee|chimps]] we sent into space came back super intelligent.
:''[A chair swivels around, revealing a chimp in a suit, wearing glasses, and smoking a pipe.]''
:'''Chimp''': ''[English accent]'' No, I don't think we'll be telling them that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Reporter''': Uh, question for the barbecue chef: Don't you think there is an inherent danger in sending underqualified civilians into space?
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': I'll field this one. The only danger is if they send us to that terrible [[Planet of the Apes (1968 film)|Planet of the Apes]]. ''[thinks for a moment]'' Wait a minute... [[w:Statue of Liberty|Statue of Liberty]]... THAT WAS [[Earth|''OUR'' PLANET]]! '''YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP!''' DAMN YOU! '''DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''NASA Technician''': ''[counting down to launch]'' Three... Two... One... MAKE ROCKET GO NOW!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent''': We're just about to get our first pictures from inside the spacecraft with &quot;average-naut&quot; Homer Simpson, and we'd like to...
:''[an ant floats past the screen]''
:'''Kent''': Ahhhh!
:'''Simpsons family''': AHHHHHHHH!
:''[the picture breaks up]''
:'''Kent''': Folks, we just lost the picture, but...what we've seen...speaks for itself.  The spacecraft has apparently been taken over – &quot;conquered&quot; if you will – by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain. There is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barney''': It begins!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer has sent potato chips loose in zero gravity]''
:'''[[Buzz Aldrin]]''': Careful, they're ruffled!

===''[[w:Homer Loves Flanders|Homer Loves Flanders]]''===
:''[Ned has just offered Homer tickets to the game]''
:'''Homer''': Why do you mock me, Lord?
:'''Marge''': Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle Bart threw up there
:''[Marge knocks it down]''
:'''Homer''': I know I shouldn't eat thee but... ''[does it anyway]'' Mmmm, sacralicious.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lenny and Carl see Homer and Ned drive by, but Homer buries Ned's head out of view so they don't see him with Flanders]''
:'''Homer''': Hi!
:'''Lenny''': Hey, look! Homer's got one of those robot cars!
:''[The car crashes off-screen due to Homer pushing Ned's head down]''
:'''Carl''': ...One of those ''American'' robot cars.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Burns talking to football players before the game]''
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because... I crippled him myself to inspire you.
:''[Cuts to Milhouse lying in a hospital bed with a broken leg and his parents at his side.]''
:'''[[w:Milhouse Van Houten|Milhouse]]''': I hope they win or Mr. Burns said he's coming back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Quimby''': I'll take two dogs, two sodas... and, uh, two ice cream bars. ''[as they are passed along the row towards him, Homer snatches two bites from his dogs]'' What the hell happened to my dogs? I want answers.
:'''Homer''': Well, I guess I should pay my share.
:'''Ned''': ''[chuckling]'' Relax, Homer. I keep telling you. You're my guest.
:'''Homer''': Ooh, you brought me a nacho hat! Thanks, Ned. ''[dips a nacho in it, then eats it, singing]'' Nacho, nacho man, I want to be a nacho man.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rod''': Lies make Baby Jesus cry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lovejoy''': Now let us bow our heads in a silent prayer of Thanksgiving. ''[all the churchgoers do so. Homer is breathing through his nose, which gets louder with each breath, annoying Ned]''
:'''Ned''': ''[furiously and annoyed]'' '''STOP IT!!! BREATHE THROUGH YOUR ''DAMN'' MOUTH!''' ''[Lovejoy and the churchgoers gasp]'' Oh, can't you see this man's not a hero!? He's annoying! He's very, very annoying!
:'''Helen''': Well, Ned's just jealous!
:'''Moe''': The man's hepped up on goofballs!
:'''Abe''': Let's sacrifice him to our ''God!'' We did it all the time in the 30's.

===''[[w:Bart Gets an Elephant|Bart Gets an Elephant]]''===
:''[Homer, Bart, and Lisa discuss their plans after breakfast.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': After breakfast, me and Milhouse are going down to the ravine. We got a tip from a five-year-old that there's a dead Martian down there.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': And I'm going to jam with the Little White Girls Blues Quartet. ''[to Homer]:'' Wanna come with me, Daddy-o?
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Sorry, honey. I'd love to, but Daddy has to go to a beer-drinking contest.
:'''Bart''': Think you'll win?
:'''Homer''': Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': What's the point of all this cleaning?! Are we so vain?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Moe''': Hey Clinton, get back to work!
:'''[[Bill Clinton]]''': Make me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''': Hey, they're playing the elephant song!
:'''Jasper''': I love that. Reminds me of elephants.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': So isn't that what we're all asking in our own lives – &quot;Where's my elephant?&quot; I know that's what I've been asking.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[rides on Stampy]'' Ha-ha! Smithers, this reminds me of that fat man I used to ride to work!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Look at this, Marge: $58 and all of it profit! I'm the smartest businessman in the world.
:'''Marge''': Stampy's food bill today was $300.
:'''Homer''': ''[scared]'' Marge, please, don't humiliate me in front of the money.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Mr. Blackheart?
:'''Mr. Blackheart''': Yes, my pretty?
:'''Lisa''': Are you an ivory dealer?
:'''Mr. Blackheart''': ''[chuckles]'' Little girl, I've had lots of jobs in my day: Whale hunter, seal clubber, president of the Fox network ... and like most people, yeah, I've dealt a little ivory.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ned Flanders''': Look! It's the four elephants of the Apocalypse!
:'''Maude''': That's &quot;Horsemen,&quot; Ned.
:'''Ned''': Well, getting closer. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': He took Bart too?! ''[yells out the window]'' THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL BLACKHEART! THAT. WASN'T. PAAAAART!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At Springfield Police Station]''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, right, lady: an elephant ran through your front yard. OK. [goes to another line] Wiggum...yeah, right, mister, mm hm. An elephant just knocked over your mailbox. OK. [goes to another line] Wiggum...Yeah, right, buddy, liquor store robbery, officer down. Sure...and I'm Edward G. Robinson!

===''[[w:Burns' Heir|Burns' Heir]]''===
:'''Smithers''': I got a mink chamois, sir. I hope it-- ''[gasp]'' Oh, my God, Mr. Burns is dead! Aw! Why do the good always die so young?
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[emerges, strangles Smithers]'' You almost killed me!
:'''Smithers''': Please, sir... ''[places towel on Burns' shoulders]'' you'll catch..cold.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milhouse''': I have nothing to offer you but my love.
:'''Mr. Burns''': I specifically said ''no geeks''!
:'''Milhouse''': ''[dejected]'' But my mom says I'm cool...
:'''Mr. Burns''': Next!
:'''Nelson Muntz''': Give me your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in!
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ooh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list.
:'''Martin Prince''': ''[Singing]'' ''[[w:The Trolley Song|Clang, clang, clang went the trolley! Ring, ring, ring went the bell! Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings]]--''
:''[Nelson runs onto the stage and cold cocks him. Martin collapses.]'' 
:'''Mr. Burns''': Thank you. Give the bully an extra point.
:'''Lisa''': ''[clears throat]'' I propose to you that your heir not need be a boy. In this [[wikt:phallocentric|phallocentric]] society of ours -
:'''Mr Burns''': I don't know what 'phallocentric' means, but ''no girls''!
:'''Milhouse''': ''[offstage, in a dress and wig]'' So much for Plan B.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[a stone suddenly crashes through Burns' library glass window, landing at his feet]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, look. A bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.
:'''Smithers''': I think it is a rock, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': We'll see what the lab has to say about that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Bart smashes up Burns' residence in anger for not being chosen as the heir, smashing windows and decapitating statues'']
:'''Mr. Burns''': Heh heh, look, Smithers -- a creature of pure malevolence. He's the perfect one to suckle at my proverbial teat. ''[opens window]'' [[A Christmas Carol|You there, boy!  What day is this?]]
:'''Boy''': ''[with an exaggerated [[w:Cockney accent|Cockney accent]]]'' Today, sir? Why, it's Christmas Day!
:'''Mr. Burns''': I was talking to ''him''. [''points at Bart''] You!  What day is this?
:'''Bart''': Huh?
:'''Mr. Burns''': I'll tell you what day this is: today is the day you become my heir!
:[''Bart throws a rock which hits Smithers in the head'']
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ooh, I like him a lot.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Simpsons family are eating dinner, Bart throws peas at Lisa]''
:'''Lisa''': Hey! Mom, Bart's throwing peas! 
:'''Marge''': Bart, don't throw peas at your sister.
:'''Bart''': Mr. Burns throws peas at Smithers. ''[throws another peas at Lisa]''
:'''Lisa''': Ow! That was a big one!
:'''Marge''': Homer, say something.
:'''Homer''': Okay. Lisa, quit getting in the way of your wealthy brother's peas.
:'''Marge''': ''[groans]''
:'''Bart''': Oh, yuck. Meat loaf. My most hated of all loafs. ''[feeds his piece to SHL]''
:'''Homer''': ''[gasps]'' That was the end piece! ''[turns red in anger]'' That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog! ''[point upwards]'' Go to your room!  
:'''Bart''': No! This family stinks! Mr. Burns nurtures my destructive side. I'm suffocating here.
:'''Homer''': Bart, you listen!  
:'''Bart''': Oh, go eat some flowers! ''[tosses flowers at Homer]''
:'''Homer''': My secret shame.
:''[Bart storms out of his house, riding his bicycle]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Deprogrammer''': Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, your son has clearly been brainwashed by the evil and charismatic Mr. Burns.
:'''Marge''': Are you sure you can get him back for us?
:'''Deprogrammer''': Absolutely. I'm the one who successfully deprogrammed [[Jane Fonda]], you know.
:'''Marge''': What about [[w:Peter Fonda|Peter Fonda]]?
:'''Deprogrammer''': Oh, that was a heartbreaker. But I did get [[Paul McCartney]] out of [[w:Wings (band)|Wings]].
:'''Homer''': You idiot! He was the most talented one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart turns on his model train and it leaves the room]''
:'''Milhouse''': Where does it go?
:'''Bart''': I don't know, but it won't be back for three hours. One time it had snow on it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': People, that was all wrong! Homer Simpson doesn't say &quot;Boh&quot;, he says... [''Flips through a script to he gets to a page.''] Doh!
:''[The fake Homer and Marge take off their masks.]''
:'''British Fake Homer''': Sorry, M.B., but I'm having trouble with this character. Is he supposed to have some kind of neurological impairment like Rain Man or Awakenings. I mean, what the hell am I doing here?
:'''Fake Marge''': And this dialogue has none of the wit and sparkle of [[w:Murphy Brown|Murphy Brown]].
:'''Fake Lisa''': [''Takes off his mask and smokes his cigar''] Hey, you know we are getting into Golden Time.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yes well just get it right, or you'll be back doing [[w:Come Blow Your Horn|Come Blow Your Horn]] at the Westport Dinner Theatre.

===''[[w:Sweet Seymour Skinner's Badasssss Song|Sweet Seymour Skinner's Badasssss Song]]''===
:'''[[w:Springfield Elementary School#Superintendent Chalmers|Superintendent Chalmers]]''': Seymour? You're fired!
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': I'm sorry, di-did you just call me a liar?
:'''Superintendent Chalmers''': No, I said you were fired.
:'''Principal Skinner''': Oh. That's much worse.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Come on, Chalmie, you fired Skinner for less than this.
:'''Superintendent Chalmers''': Yeah, I did, but... Skinner really bugged me. Besides, the way America's public schools are sliding, they'll all be this way in a few months. I say, lay back and enjoy it, it's a hell of a toboggan ride.
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Ned]]''': ''[over PA]'' Well, cockly-doodly-doo, little buddies. Let's thank the Lord for another beautiful school day.
:'''Superintendent Chalmers''': Thank the Lor-- thank the Lord? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer. A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion. Simpson, you get your wish. Flanders is history!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Skinner''': Now I... I finally have time to do what I've always wanted: write the [[w:Great American Novel|Great American Novel]]. Mine is about [[w:Jurassic Park|a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques]]. I call it &quot;Billy and the Cloneasaurus.&quot;
:'''Apu''': Oh, you have got to be ''kidding'', sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done. And then you give it a title that nobody could ''possibly'' like! Didn't you think this through?...''[fade to later]''... was on the bestseller list for ''eighteen months!'' Every magazine cover had it...''[fade to later]''...most popular movies of all ''time'', sir! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?! ''[Skinner hangs his head in shame as Apu calms down]'' ...I mean, thank you, come again.

===''[[w:The Boy Who Knew Too Much|The Boy Who Knew Too Much]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Wow, that is the biggest Rice Krispie square I've ever seen! The rich sure know how to live.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[lowers a table out of the hotel window; then drops it]'' Got it, Barn?
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': ''[offscreen, below hotel]'' Got what? ''[table drops on his head]'' Ow!
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': You're stealing a table?
:'''Homer''': I'm not stealing it. Hotels expect you to take a few things. It's a souvenir!
:'''Principal Skinner''': Ah... Is that my necktie you're wearing?
:'''Homer''': Souvenir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scott Christian''': Let's go over to the county courthouse live to Kent Brockman.
:'''Kent Brockman''': —ockman, just outside the county courtroom where an argument about chowder has spilled over into the biggest trial in Springfield history. Behind these doors, a federal judge will ladle out steaming bowls of rich, creamy justice in a case the media have dubbed &quot;Beat-Up Waiter&quot;. ''[pfft]'' This reporter suggested &quot;[[Watergate scandal|Waitergate]]&quot;, but was shouted down at the press club. Now, it's illegal to televise court proceedings in this state, ''[whispers]'' so we'll have to be quiet. ''[courtroom doors close in his face]'' Dooh—!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Mom, what if there's a really bad, crummy guy who's going to jail, but I know he's innocent?
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Well, Bart, your Uncle Arthur used to have a saying: &quot;Shoot 'em all and let God sort them out.&quot; Unfortunately, one day he put his theory into practice. It took 75 Federal Marshals to bring him down. Now let's never speak of this again. ''[she then starts humming and dusting the TV]''
:'''Bart''': Mom, what if I can get this guy off the hook? Should I do it?
:'''Marge''': Honey, you should listen to your heart... and not the voices in your head, like a certain uncle did one gray December morn.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, my God... Someone's taken a bite out of the big Rice Krispie square! ...Oh, yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten, heh-heh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[reads the verdict paper]'' What does &quot;[[wiktionary:sequestered|sequestered]]&quot; mean?
:'''Skinner''': It means if we're deadlocked we'll be put up somewhere until we reach a decision.
:'''Homer''': What does &quot;[[wiktionary:deadlocked|deadlocked]]&quot; mean?
:'''Skinner''': It means the jury cannot reach a unanimous decision.
:'''Homer''': Uh-huh. And &quot;[[wiktionary:if|if]]&quot;?
:'''Skinner''': Conjunction meaning &quot;in the event that&quot; or &quot;on condition that&quot;.
:'''Homer''': So IF we cannot reach a decision, the jury will be DEADLOCKED, and then we'll be SEQUESTERED in the Springfield Palace Hotel.
:'''Patty''': That's not going to happen, Homer.
:'''Jasper''': Let's vote. My liver is failing.
:'''Homer''': Where we'll get free rooms, free food, free TV, free {{w|HBO}}, OOOH! [[Free Willy|FREE WILLY]]! ''[Skinner snatches paper from him]''
:'''Skinner''': Justice is not a frivolous thing, Simpson. It has little, if anything, to do with a disobedient whale. Now let's vote!
:'''Homer''': What are all of you voting?
:'''Everyone''': Guilty.
:'''Homer''': Uh-huh. How many S's in innocent?
:''[everyone else groans]''
:'''Homer''': Now I'm only doing what I think is right. I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart sees Skinner in the jury; Skinner thinks his thoughts to him]''
:'''Principal Skinner''': I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just a little reminder: If I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yeah, you heard me. I think words I would never say. ''[camera pans left to Homer]''
:'''Homer''': I know you can read ''my'' thoughts, boy. ''[sings {{w|Meow Mix}} jingle]'' ''Meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow.''

===''[[w:Lady Bouvier's Lover|Lady Bouvier's Lover]]''===
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Homer, you didn't do a very good job frosting Maggie's birthday cake.
:''[The cake reads, &quot;Happy Birthday Magaggie&quot;.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': What? It's not Magaggie's birthday?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': If he marries your mother, Marge, we'll be brother and sister! And then our kids... they'll be horrible freaks with pink skin, no overbites, and five fingers on each hand!
:''[Homer imagines his children as more realistic-looking humans, screams and runs from the room]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Bouvier''': Oh, Monty, I swear you're the devil himself.
:'''Mr. Burns''': I...Who told you?! ...Oh, ah, yes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': I specifically requested ''no'' romantic music! What…?
:'''Abraham Simpson''': ''[stops playing organ, trying to pounds the window]'' Mrs. Bouvier! Mrs. Bouvier! ''[Glass breaks, he falls to the church floor, saved Jacqueline]'' Mrs. Bouvier!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines as Grampa gets back together with Mrs. Bouvier in a bus]''
:'''Simon &amp; Garfunkel''': ''[voices only]'' ♪ ''Hello Grampa, my old friend'' ♪
:♪ ''Your busy day is at an end'' ♪ ''[the executive producers' names appear in darkness]''
:♪ ''Your exploits have been sad and boring'' ♪ ''[the credits begin playing]''
:♪ ''They tell a tale, that's worth ignoring'' ♪
:♪ ''When you're alone, the words of your story will echo down the rest home hall'' ♪
:♪ ''Cuz no one at all'' ♪
:♪ ''Can stand the sound of Grampa'' ♪
:'''Abraham Simpson''': ''[voice only, in credits]'' I first took a fancy to Mrs. Bouvier because her raspy voice reminded me of my old Victrola. Oh, it was a fine machine with a vulcanized rubber listening tube which you crammed in your ear! The tube would go in easy with some sort of lubricant like linseed oil or Dr. Shumway's... ''[the Gracie Films logo appears]'' Oops. I'm sorry!

===''[[w:Secrets of a Successful Marriage|Secrets of a Successful Marriage]]''===
:''[Homer and Marge are discussing ways for Homer to better himself.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oh... and how is &quot;''education''&quot; supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': That's because you were drunk!
:'''Homer''': And how.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': So, little Lisa, apple of my eye: how are things down at the old schoolhouse?
:'''Lisa''': I find this demeaning and embarrassing beyond my worst nightmares.
:'''Homer''': ''[hearty laughter]'' And how's my little major-leaguer?  Catch any junebugs today?
:'''Bart''': Oh, me and Milhouse took some mail from the mail truck and threw it down the sewer.
:'''Homer''': ''[with barely-concealed anger]'': Son, I know you meant well, but that wasn't the right thing to do.
:'''Bart''': What the hell are you talking about?  You're the one who double-dared us.
:'''Homer''': ''[explodes with anger]'': Why you little -- ''[strangles Bart]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Bart''': I'm outta here!
:'''Lisa''': Me too. 
:''[Bart and Lisa leave]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as Marge kicks out Homer's class -- and Homer]''
:'''Homer''': All right, we're breaking early tonight, class. For tomorrow, you should read pages seven to 18 in Lisa's diary.
:'''Marge''': You too.
:'''Homer''': Huh?
:'''Marge''': Get out!
:'''Homer''': But I'm not in a cla-
:''[Marge angrily pushes Homer onto the ground and slams the door, Otto puts his hand on Homer's shoulder]''
:'''Otto''': Uh, is any of this gonna be on the test? 'Cause I wasn't payin' attention.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[after Marge kicks him out of his house]'' Oh. Fine. If that's what you want, you've got it. ''[walks away from his house]'' This scene is gettin' old, man. I'm hittin' the road. Maybe I'll drop you a line someday from wherever I wind up in this crazy old world. ''[walks into the streets]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Oh, good. Reverend Lovejoy will make Marge take me back. He ''has'' to push the sanctity of marriage, or his god will punish him!
:''[Immediate cut to Reverend and Mrs. Lovejoy talking with Marge in the living room.]''
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': ''[flatly]'' Get a divorce.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Helen Lovejoy|Helen Lovejoy]]''': Mmm-hmm.
:'''Marge''': But isn't that a sin?
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Marge, just about everything is a sin. You ever sat down and read [[The Bible|this thing]]? Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 05}}
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      <text bytes="68080" sha1="cii1r9gej47vsbquizuj6svlzdmgdeo" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Simpsons''/Season 5}}
{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

===''[[w:Homer's Barbershop Quartet|Homer's Barbershop Quartet]]''===
:'''Bart''': Dad, when did you record an album?
:'''Homer''': I'm surprised you don't remember, son. It was only 8 years ago.
:'''Bart''': Dad, thanks to television I can't remember what happened 8 minutes ago.
:''[all Simpsons but Bart start laughing]''
:'''Bart''': No really, I can't, it's a serious problem!
:''[everyone laughs again, and Bart finally relents and laughs too]''
:'''Bart''': What're we all laughing about?
:'''Homer''': Who cares?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barney''': David Crosby? You're my hero!
:'''[[David Crosby]]''': Oh, you like my music?
:'''Barney''': You're a musician?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After the Grammy Awards...]''
:'''Homer''': ''Then came to the greatest thrill of my life.''
:'''[[George Harrison]]''': Hello, Homer, I'm George Harrison.
:'''Homer''': Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Where did you get that brownie?
:'''Harrison''': Over there. There's a big pile of 'em.
:'''Homer''': ''[walks over to the brownies and wolfs down a whole bunch]'' Oh, man.
:'''Harrison''': ''[completely sincere]'' Well, what a nice fellow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Be Sharps are going through hard times.]''
:'''Homer, Skinner, and Apu''': ''[singing tiredly]'' ''For all the latest medical poop''
:''Call Surgeon General [[C. Everett Koop]]''
:''Koop Koop-a-doop''
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': ''[to Homer]'' This is worse than your song about [[Mr. T]].
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': I pity the fool who doesn't like... he. And where's Barney?
:'''Principal Skinner''': Oh, he's with [[Yoko Ono|his new girlfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist]].
:''[Barney and his girlfriend walk in, and Barney inserts a demo tape into a recorder]''
:'''Barney''': Barbershop is in danger of growing stale. I'm taking it to strange new places.
:''[On the recorder]''
:'''Barney's Girlfriend''': [[w:Revolution 9|Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'' Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'' Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'']]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[during the closing credits]'' I'd like to thank you on behalf of the group, and I hope we passed the audition. ''[Everyone laughs, including Barney. After the laughter dies down]''
:'''Barney''': I don't get it.

===''[[w:Cape Feare|Cape Feare]]''===

:''[after seeing an episode of ''Up Late with McBain'', where Rainier Wolfcastle gets booed for his homophobic joke about Scoey's outfit]''
:'''Bart''' ''[disgusted]'': This is ''horrible''!
:'''Lisa''' ''[disappointed, but not surprised]'': The FOX network has sunk to a new low.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa and Bart''': AAAH! SIDESHOW BOB!
:'''Bart''': ''You'' wrote me those letters!
:'''Marge''': You awful man! Stay away from my son!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': ''[menacing]'' Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right! Stay away... FOREVER!
:'''Homer''': Oh no!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': Wait a minute. That's no good. ''[walks away, then runs back]'' Wait, I've got a good one now! Marge, say &quot;stay away from my son&quot; again.
:'''Marge''': No!
:''[Sideshow Bob grumbles and walks away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Blue-Haired Lawyer|Blue-Haired Lawyer]]''': But what about that tattoo on your chest?  Doesn't it say, &quot;Die Bart, Die?&quot;
:'''Sideshow Bob''': No, that's German for &quot;The Bart, The.&quot;
:'''Juror''': No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Now Sideshow Bob can't get in without me knowing. And once a man is in your home, anything you do to him is nice and ''[winks]'' legal.
:'''Homer''': Is that so? ''[yells out kitchen window]'' Oh, Flanders? Won't you join me in my kitchen? ''[Ned turns off the hose. Homer stands on the wall next to the kitchen arch, preparing to strike Flanders]'' Heh-heh-heh-heh...
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Uh, it doesn't work when you invite 'em.
:'''Ned''': Hidilly-hey!
:'''Homer''': Go home.
:'''Ned''': Toodledy-do!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer has hired a detective to take care of Sideshow Bob]''
:'''Detective''': Now, don't you fret. When I'm through, he won't set foot in this town again. I can be very, ''very'' persuasive. ''[Holsters a gun]''
:''[Detective is at a bar with Sideshow Bob]''
:'''Detective''': ''[whining]'' C'mon, leave town!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': No.
:'''Detective''': I'll be your friend!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': No.
:'''Detective''': Oh, you're mean!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Simpsons are being placed in the Federal Witness Protection Program]''
:'''FBI Agent #1''': Tell you what, sir, from now on, you'll be Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit, hmm? When I say &quot;hello, Mr. Thompson&quot;, you'll say &quot;hi&quot;.
:'''Homer''': Check!
:'''FBI Agent #1''': Hello, Mr. Thompson. ''[Homer doesn't respond and stares blankly]'' Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
:'''Homer''': I gotcha.
:'''FBI Agent #1''': Hello, Mr. Thompson.
:''[again Homer doesn’t respond and stares blankly. The FBI agents exchange looks]''
:''[hours pass by]''
:'''FBI Agent #1''': ''[frustrated]'' Argh... Now when I say &quot;hello, Mr. Thompson&quot; and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
:'''Homer''': No problem.
:'''FBI Agent #1''': ''[stepping hard on Homer's foot]'' Hello, Mr. Thompson.
:'''Homer''': ''[still doesn't respond and stares blankly again for a few seconds, then whispers to the other FBI agent]'' I think he's talking to you.
:''[the FBI agent facepalms]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer busts into Bart's room at night with glowing eyes and a knife]''
:'''Homer''': '''BART DO YOU WANT SOME BROWNIES BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?!'''
:''[Bart screams]''
:''[Homer switches back to normal, holding a brownie tray]''
:'''Homer''': Let me cut you a brownie while they're still hot!
:'''Bart''': Dad, I'm kind of edgy right now. I'd appreciate you not coming in my room screaming and brandishing a butcher's knife!
:'''Homer''': Why? ''[looks at the knife in his hand]'' Oh, right! The Sideshow Bob thing! I'm sorry, boy.
:''[Homer puts the knife down, kisses Bart gently on the forehead, and walks out of the room. Bart turns over to go to sleep and Homer busts back in.]''
:'''Homer''': '''BART YOU WANNA SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK?!''' ''[stands over Bart revving the chainsaw]''
:''[Bart screams louder]''
:''[Homer returns to normal]''
:'''Homer''': Oh, sorry! What ''am'' I thinking?
:''[Homer kisses Bart on the forehead and walks out of the room]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob. You're under arrest.
:'''Sideshow Bob''': ''[furious]'' '''''By Lucifer's beard!'''''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Uh, yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Bart''': Take 'im away, boys.
:'''Wiggum''': Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake 'im away, toys.
:'''Lou''': What'd you say, chief?
:'''Wiggum''': Do what the kid says.

===''[[w:Homer Goes to College|Homer Goes to College]]''===
:'''Female Intercom''': [''as the dog pulls the level to stop a meltdown''] Meltdown averted. Good boy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is sitting in a nuclear inspection van]''
:'''Male NRC agent''': Homer, this is an exact replica of your work station. 
:'''Homer''': Hm?
:'''Male NRC agent''': Now, we're going to simulate a power surge in core sector eight.
:'''Homer''': What the hell are you talking about? 
:''[The agents slam the door of the van shut, and slide open a peephole to watch Homer]''
:'''Homer''': ''[blubbering]'' What do I do? What do I do? In the name of God, you've gotta tell me!
:'''Male NRC agent''': Relax! It's just a simulator. Nothing can go wrong.
:'''Homer''': ''[to himself]'' Just poke blindly at the controls until they let you go.
:''[Homer shields his eyes and pushes random buttons, inexplicably causing a meltdown]''
:'''Male NRC agent''': No, no! This... can't be happening!
:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns run to an escape pod. Burns seals the door; Smithers desperately pounds on it]''
:'''Smithers''': For the love of God, sir, there are two seats!
:'''Mr Burns''': ''[reopens the door]'' I like to put my feet up.
:''[Homer emerges from the crater, glowing a radioactive green.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Raargh! Must... destroy... mankind! ''[his watch beeps]'' Ooh, lunchtime. ''[Homer shakes off the radiation and walks off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Male NRC agent''': I'm still not sure how he caused the meltdown.  There wasn't any nuclear material in the truck!
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, very well, it's time for your bribe. Now, you can either have the washer and dryer where the lovely Smithers is standing, or you can trade it all in for what's in this box.
:'''Male NRC agent''': The box, the box!
:'''Female NRC agent''': Look, Burns, this is a big problem. You can't just throw money at it and make it go away.
:''[Mayor Quimby appears, wearing a fur coat that still has the $5,000 price tag attached to it.]''
:'''[[w:Joe Quimby|Mayor Quimby]]''': Gentlemen, I've decided there will be, uh, no investigation. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go away. ''[departs]''
:'''Male NRC agent''': You're in big trouble, Burns. Homer Simpson's job requires college training in nuclear physics.  Now you get your man up to speed, or we'll be forced to take legal action.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Is that so? Well, I have a feeling you'll be... ''dropping'' the charges.
:''[Burns presses a button on his desk. A trapdoor opens a few feet behind the NRC agents, who stare at it in confusion.]''
:'''Smithers''': The painters moved your desk, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ah, yes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': You [Homer] must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon.
:'''Smithers''': Actually sir we found the Jade Monkey; it was in your glove compartment.
:'''Mr. Burns''': And the road maps and ice scraper?
:'''Smithers''': They were in there too sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Excellent, it's all falling into place.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer, Bart and the nerds have captured Sir Oinkcelot]''
:'''Homer''': Look! You pull its tail straight and it curls right back up again! ''[He begins pulling the pig's tail]'' Curly, straight! Curly, straight! Curly, straight! Curly, straight! ''[Sir Oinkcelot starts squealing in agony]''
:'''Doug''': Mr. Simpson, I don't think he likes that.
:'''Homer''': Of course he does! He's a cute little piggy! ''[Continues pulling Sir Oinkcelot's tail]'' Curly, straight! Curly, straight! ''[The pig viciously bites Homer on his hand]'' OW!! ''[turns red with anger]'' WHY YOU LITTLE...! ''[Homer lunges at Sir Oinkcelot, but Bart and the nerds restrain him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Hello, Dean? You're a stupid-head!
:'''Peterson''': ''[looks out the window]'' Homer, is that you?
:''[Homer screams and flees the payphone]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': YES! Take ''that'', Bitterman!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': [''sees Snake Jailbird''] Hey, that's not the wallet inspector.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Professor''': Good morning, and welcome to Nuclear Physics 101. I see a lot of new faces, but you know the old saying: &quot;Out with the old, in with the ''nucleus''&quot; ''[Every student in the class except Homer bursts out with laughter]'' Now, let's just get started on the- whoops. ''[He drops his lecture notes, this time Homer explodes with laughter]''
:'''Homer''': Oh, did you see that jerk! He dropped his notes! ''[Homer continues laughing obnoxiously loud]''

===''[[w:Rosebud (The Simpsons)|Rosebud]]''===
:'''Smithers''': Who's Bobo, sir?
:'''Mr. Burns''': Bobo? Oh I meant ''Lobo'', uh, ''[[w:The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo|Sheriff Lobo]]''. They ''never'' should have cancelled that show. What were they thinking?
:'''Smithers''': Oh, I see. On another topic, the preparations for your birthday have begun.
:'''Mr. Burns''': I won't get what I really want.
:'''Smithers''': No one does.
:''[Smithers briefly imagines Burns popping out of a cake naked and wearing only a sash like [[Marilyn Monroe]]]''
:'''Fantasy Mr. Burns''': ''[singing]'' ''[[w:Happy Birthday Mr. President|Happy Birthday, Mr. Smithers...]]''
:'''Smithers''': ''[smiles]'' Mmmm...
:''[At the Simpsons' house, Homer is tossing and turning in his sleep]''
:'''Homer''': Lobo...Lobo... Bring back Sheriff Lobo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is doing comedy at Burns' party.]''
:'''Homer''': Are you ready to laugh?
:'''Man in Audience''': Ugh, that poor dog.
:'''Homer''': I said, are you ready to laugh?!
:'''Woman in Audience''': Quiet, you awful man!
:'''Homer''': You know, Mr. Burns is ''so'' cheap--
:'''Mr. Burns''': What?
:'''Homer''': Er, I mean you know, Mr. Burns is so ''old''--
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[pounds the table]'' How ''dare you''!
:'''Homer''': Whoa! Tough crowd. Better bring out the big guns... ''[clears throat]'' Here's an impression of Mr. Burns that you might find, a little &quot;cheeky&quot;.
:''[Homer moons the crowd, revealing a face painted on his buttocks; everyone in the audience gasps]''
:'''Homer''': ''[mockingly]'' I'm Mr. Burns, blah, blah, blah! Do this, do that, blah, blah, blah! I think I'm so big, blah blah ''blaaah!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Destroy him. ''[one of Burns' security staff whacks Homer over the head with a baton, leaving him unconscious]'' This party is over. ''[the security staff start attacking other party guests at random]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Mr. Burns' party, Homer is nursing the lump on his head he got during his comedy act at Burns' party]''
:'''Homer''': Aw, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
:'''Lisa''': I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Bart, run down to the store and get a bag of ice for your father.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Yes'm. Dad, I know you're discouraged, but please, don't deny the world your fat can.
:'''Homer''': Don't worry, boy. He'll be ready for your Aunt Selma's birthday.
:'''Lisa''': I knew it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns are crawling across the ceiling of the Simpson home, using suction cups. They freeze when Homer walks to the refrigerator]''
:'''Homer''': Mmmm... 64 slices of [[w:American cheese|American cheese]]. ''[sits at the table and begins eating one at a time]'' 64...63...''[Time passes to morning]'' 2...1.
:'''Marge''': ''[entering]'' Have you been up all night eating cheese?
:'''Homer''': I think I'm blind.
:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns fall the the floor and get up]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Good day to you.
:''[They both leave]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barney The Dinosaur:''' Two plus two is four... two plus two is four... two plus two is four.
:'''Homer:''' Hehehe. I can see why this is so popular.

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror IV|Treehouse of Horror IV]]''===
:''[first lines]''
:'''Bart''': ''[walking in front of a set of paintings]'' Paintings: Lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to hell! So scary and horrible...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Devil Ned has give Homer an enchanted doughnut.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oooh!
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Devil Ned]]''': Now, remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for...
: ''[Homer has already scarfed the doughnut, except for one small piece.]''
:'''Homer''': Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?
:'''Devil Ned''': Well, technically, no, but...
:'''Homer''': ''[sing-song]'' I'm smarter than the Devil! I'm smarter than the Dev--
:''[Devil Ned angrily transforms into a huge, red demon.]''
:'''Devil''': ''[deep voice]'' '''YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, HOMER SIMPSON!!'''
:''[He vanishes into the floor. Homer smugly puts the last doughnut piece into his pocket.]''
:'''Homer''': Not likely. He, he, he.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Hell Labs Ironic Punishment Division, Homer is strapped to a chair where a blue demon arrives]''
:'''Blue Demon''': So, you like donuts, eh?
:'''Homer''': Uh-huh.
:'''Blue Demon''': Well! Have all the donuts in the world!
:''[He starts laughing as Homer is force fed donuts. 15 minutes later, it's revealed that this torture has backfired as Homer still hasn't had enough.]''
:'''Homer''': More.
:'''Blue Demon''': I don't understand it. [[:w:James Coco|James Coco]] went mad in 15 minutes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Devil Ned''': I give you the Jury of the Damned: [[Benedict Arnold]], [[:w:Lizzie Borden|Lizzie Borden]], [[Richard Nixon]].
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': But I’m not dead yet. In fact, I just wrote an article for [[:w:Redbook|Redbook]].
:'''Devil Ned''': Hey, listen, I did a favor for you.
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': Yes, master.
:'''Devil Ned''': [[:w:John Wilkes Booth|John Wilkes Booth]], [[:w:Blackbeard|Blackbeard the Pirate]], [[:w:John Dillinger|John Dillinger]]. And the starting line of the [[:w:1976 Philadelphia Flyers–Red Army game|1976 Philadelphia Flyers]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Devil Ned''': Alright Simpson, you get your soul back. But let that ill-gotten doughnut be ''FOREVER ON YOUR HEAD!!!''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sees a school bus inside the painting]'' The School Bus? Oh, they must mean The Ghoul Bus!
:'''Lisa''': Nope, says right there: ''[points the painting and reads it]'' &quot;School Bus&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sees a gremlin on the school bus during a trip and screams]'' Everybody! There's a monster on the side of the bus!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[horrified at the Dogs Playing Poker painting]'' They're dogs, and they're playing poker!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Simpsons arrive at Mr. Burns' castle. Homer rings the doorbell.]
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': ''[via intercom]'' Welcome, come in. ''[sinisterly, still heard on intercom]'' Ah, fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead.
:'''[[w:Waylon Smithers|Smithers]]''': Sir, you have to let go of the button.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, son of a bi-- ''[door opens]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': BART! How many times have I told you not to bite your sis— Wait a minute! You ARE a vampire!
:'''Grampa''': QUICK!! We have to kill the boy!!
:'''Marge''': How'd you know he's a vampire?
:'''Grampa''': He's a vampire? ''[screams]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': We've got to do something! Today, he's drinking people's blood - tomorrow, he could be smoking!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Simpsons arrive at Mr. Burns's crypt. Homer opens his casket and is ready to stake him.]
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Take that, vile fiend! ''[starts staking Burns repeatedly]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Uh, dad? That's his crotch.
:'''Homer''': Oh.. sorry. ''[puts stake to his heart]'' BAH''!!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[screams]''
:''[He quivers then stops and melts into mold]''
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' Aah...
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[comes back to life]'' YOU'RE FIRED!!! ''[melts into mold and dies again]''
:'''Homer''': D'OH!

===''[[w:Marge on the Lam|Marge on the Lam]]''===
:'''Rescue Worker 1''': Homer, this is never easy to say, I'm going have to saw your arms off.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': They'll grow back, right?
:'''Rescue Worker''': Oh...yeah.
:'''Homer''': Whew.
:''[the rescue worker starts the rotary saw and moves it toward Homer's arm]''
:'''Rescue Worker 2''': Homer, are you just holding on to the can?
:'''Homer''': Your point being?
:''[Homer leaves with everyone laughing at him]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': You're absolutely right, Homer. We don't need a babysitter.
:'''Homer''': ''[suspicious]'' Wait a second... ''[pulls a card from his pocket: &quot;ALWAYS DO OPPOSITE OF WHAT BART SAYS&quot;]'' Hmm...you kids ''do'' need a babysitter.
:'''Bart''': Blast that infernal card! ''[to Homer]'' ''Don't'' give that card to me.
:'''Homer''': Here you g-- ''[pulls back]'' No!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, when I couldn't help but overhear you are in need of a babysitter. Now, as a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.
:'''Homer''': We pay $8.00 for the night and you can take two Popsicles out of the freezer.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Three.
:'''Homer''': Two.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Okay, two, and I get to keep this old birdcage.
:'''Homer''': Done.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[to himself]'' Still got it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(as Ruth and Marge are taking in the breathtaking view of Springfield)''
:'''Ruth Powers''': Look. You can see our houses.
:'''Marge''': Hmm. There's an awful lot of black smoke coming from my chimney.
:''(cut to the Simpsons living room. Lionel Hutz is throwing piles of his personal effects into the fireplace while Bart and Lisa watch)''
:'''Lisa''': Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. ''(cheerfully)'': Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart and Lisa wake up the next day on the couch]''
:'''Bart''': Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home yet.
:'''Lisa''': Don't worry. Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us.
:''[Lisa budges Lionel Hutz awake. He growls menacingly and brandishes a knife]''
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[defensively]'' Don't touch my stuff! ''[realizes that he just scared Bart, Lisa, and Maggie; sheepishly, as he sits on the couch with a confused expression on his face]'' H-Hey, this isn't the YMCA.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(Dragnet-style epilogue of what happened to everyone involved in the episode)''
:'''Narrator''': Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced him to pay all back child support. Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, A.K.A. Miguel Sanchez, A.K.A., Dr. Nguyen van Thuoc, was paid $8 for his 32 hours of babysitting, he was glad to get it. Marge Simpson was charged with the violation of penal code section 618A: Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans. She was ordered to pay 50 cents to replace the cans and $2000 in punitive damage and mental anguish. Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing.
:'''Homer''': Woohoo!

===''[[w:Bart's Inner Child|Bart's Inner Child]]''===
:'''Homer''': Oh no you don't! That trampoline is mine! ''[crashes into the other car]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[as the trampoline jumps on him repeatedly onto a cliff]'' If this were a cartoon, the cliff would break off now. ''[dissolves to nighttime]'' I'm thirsty. ''[This causes the cliff to break, and fall off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Troy McClure|Troy McClure]]''': Hi! I'm Troy McClure!
:'''Brad Goodman''': And I'm Brad Goodman.
:'''[[w:Troy McClure|Troy McClure]]''': You might remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid!'
:'''Brad Goodman''': And you know me about such-help videos.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Brad Goodman''': I want you all to close your eyes and listen to your inner child. Listen, what's he saying?
:'''Ned's Inner Child''': Stay on the course big Ned, you're doing super! ''[Ned smiles]''
:'''Homer's Inner Child''': ''[points to his mouth]'' Food goes in here.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': It sure does.
:'''Moe's Inner Child''': ''[in Italian accent]'' Hey-a Moe, what's-tha mattah? Ya no talking wit ya accent-a no more.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': ''[slaps face]'' ''Mamma mia!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': A new mood is in the air in Springfield as refreshing as a moistened towelette. Folks are finally accepting their feelings and freely communicating with no holding back. And this reporter thinks it's about ''[beep]''ing time! Of course all these good feelings can be traced to one feisty little scamp who taught us that if it feels good, do it! ''[squirts whipped cream into his mouth]''
:'''Bart''': Lis, today I am a God.
:'''Lisa''': Is that why you're sitting on an ice cream sandwich?
:'''Bart''': Ewww...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': And I'm really enjoying this so called... iced cream!
:'''Smithers''': Sir, in the spirit of the festival and everything, I'd just like to say that.... I... love you.
:'''Burns''': Hm?
:'''Smithers''': In those colors! ''[to himself]'' Oh, who am I kidding? The boathouse was the time!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Skinner''': Darn! They're very slowly getting away!
:'''Moe''': Looks like they're headed for the old mill!
:'''Principal Skinner''': No they're not.
:'''Moe''': Well, let's go to the old mill anyway! Get some cider!

===''[[w:Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood|Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood]]''===
:'''Bart''': Aw man, how are we supposed to kill the rest of the afternoon?
:'''Hobo''': You mustn't kill time boys, you must cherish it, seize the day. Can I have some change to go get me loaded?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milhouse''': Hey, don't bogart that Squishee! ''[Barney chugs junkie]''
:'''Barney''': I dunno where you magic pixies came from, but I like your pixie drink.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals, except the [[w:weasel|weasel]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Milhouse Van Houten|Milhouse]]''': You're lucky. You only joined the Junior Campers. I got a dirty word shaved into the back of my head.
:''[Skinner walks by and stops when he sees the unseen &quot;dirty word&quot; in the back of Milhouse's head.]''
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': What is it with you boys and that word? ''[grabs Milhouse]'' I'm going to shave you bald, young man, until you learn that hair is not a right, it's a privilege.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[While looking for a peanut under the couch, Homer pulls out a 20 dollar bill]''
:'''Homer''': Awww, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut.
:'''Homer's Brain''': Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
:'''Homer''': Explain how!
:'''Homer's Brain''': Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
:'''Homer''': Woo-hoo!
:''[Homer starts running to the door, slips on the peanut he was looking for, and drops the money]''
:'''Homer''': D'OH!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Ya see anything yet?
:'''Lou''': Nothing captain, someone took all the beer and cold cuts.
:'''Wiggum''': Oh, that's it. I'm not even casting off until we go to the store.

===''[[w:The Last Temptation of Homer|The Last Temptation of Homer]]''===
:''[first lines]''
:'''Bart''': The beauty of it is, each parking space is a mere one foot narrower indistinguishable to the naked eye but therein lies the game!
:'''Milhouse''': I fear to watch! I cannot turn away!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Charlie is explaining to Mr., Burns about the gas leak]''
:'''Charlie''': Well, sir, I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous escape, but we desperately need a real emergency exit.
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Why, that's a fabulous idea. Anything else you'd like? How about real lead in the radiation shields? Urinal cakes, maybe? ''[hands Smithers a notebook]'' Smithers, throw this at him. ''[Smithers throws the book at Charlie. Mr. Burns right hand reaches under his desk and presses a button. A tube covers Charlie and sucks him upwards]'' Smithers, where does that tube go?
:'''[[w:Waylon Smithers|Smithers]]''': I'm not sure, sir; it was here when we moved in.
:''[Charlie then finds himself in an unnamed foreign country inhabited by cackling men wearing turbans. He is forced to dance to sitar music.]''
:'''Men''': Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! ''[Charlie does so. The men start ululating maniacally]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Department of Labor Agent''': This plant violates ''every'' labor law in the book! We found a missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core!
:'''Mr. Burns''': That plane crashed on ''my'' property!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Moe, I need your advice.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': Yeah?
:'''Homer''': You see, I have this friend named Joey Joe Joe...Junior...Shabadoo.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': Homer, that's the worst name I've ever heard. ''[a man in the bar runs out, crying]''
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': Hey, Joey Joe Joe!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[seeing the White House with Colonel Klink]'' Marge lives here?
:'''Man''': ''[voice only]'' Madam President, your approval rating is soar. ''[Marge murmurs]''
:'''Colonel Klink''': ''[sing-songy]'' This dream is over! ''[pops, Homer sends back in the phone booth]''
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[sees Homer stuck in the phone booth being knocked over]'' Hey, You! Get Out Of My Office!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[An alarm starts blaring at the power plant]''
:'''Smithers''': Someone is charging room service to the company, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well we'll just see about that! ''[uncovers a cage hold several winged monkeys]'' [[w:The Wizard of Oz|Fly, my pretties! Fly!]] ''[the monkeys leap out of the window, only to plummet to their deaths]'' Oh...''[to Smithers]'' Continue the research.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[to bullies in his normal self]'' Gentlemen, the nerd you knew is dead. Beat me, and you will be beating one of your own.
:'''Kearney''': Whatever! ''[they beat Bart anyway]''

===''[[w:$pringfield (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)|$pringfield (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)]]''===
:''[Homer puts on a pair of horn-rimmed glasses he finds floating in a toilet bowl.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': [[The Wizard of Oz|The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.]]
:'''Man in stall''': [[w: Pythagorean theorem|That's a ''right'' triangle]], ya idiot!
:'''Homer''': D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': Thank you for visiting our plant, Dr. Kissinger.
:'''[[Henry Kissinger]]''': It was fun.
:'''Smithers''': We'll let you know if your glasses turn up.
:'''[[Henry Kissinger]]''': Yes well, I'm sure I left them in the car. ''[thinking]'' No one must know I dropped them in the toilet. Not I, the man who drafted the [[w:Paris Peace Accords|Paris Peace Accords]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Scott, things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the Unemployment Office, joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors... now at the risk of sounding unpopular, this reporter places the blame for all of this squarely on you ''[pointing at the camera]'' the viewers!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor; and it's time to free your mother from his neon claws.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Krusty''': I don't wanna get a ''sore'' spot, but can we talk about herpes? Herpes, herpes, bo-berpes, banana fana fo-ferpes! Herpes, OH!! Hey! Y'know [[w:Port-wine stain| that spot]] on [[w:Mikhail Gorbachev|Gorbachev's]] head? Herpes, trust me! Anybody here have herpes? Huh? Huh? You people are the worst audience I've ever seen!
:'''Man in Audience''': Yeah, well you're the worse comedian WE'VE ever seen!
:'''Krusty''': Great! Then we'll just sit here silently for the next 90 minutes!
:'''Man in Audience''': Fine with us! ''[Krusty then sits down on stage in dismay]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Smithers''': I'm afraid Robert Goulet hasn't arrived yet, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Very well, begin the thawing of Jim Nabors.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Smithers''': Excuse me, ma'am, don't you think you've gambled enough?
:'''Marge''': No.
:'''Smithers''': Okay. We're required by law to ask every 75 hours. Get her another free drink.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart brings Robert Goulet to his treehouse casino]''
:'''[[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]]''': Are you sure this is the place? I think I should call my manager.
:'''Nelson Muntz''': Your manager says for you to shut up!
:'''Goulet''': ''[surprised]'' Vera said that?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[grabbing Marge]'' Yer gotta redda kid forrad yarrar!
:'''Marge''': Homer, what is it? Slow down!
:'''Homer''': ''[slowly, but still furious]'' J'yer gedda ferda redderarrar.
:'''Marge''': Think before you say each word.
:'''Homer''': You broke a promise to your child.
:'''Marge''': What?
:'''Homer''': You promised Lisa to help her with her costume. You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed -- she's such a little trooper.

===''[[w:Homer the Vigilante|Homer the Vigilante]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': ''[horrified]'' The burglar even took my stamp collection!
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': ''[amused]'' ''You'' had a stamp collection?
:''[The family all laugh at Bart, and the phone rings. Bart answers it.]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': ''[on the phone]'' Stamp collection? Ha-ha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?
:'''[[w:Professor|Professor]]''': Mmm, yes I would, Kent.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that.

===''[[w:Bart Gets Famous|Bart Gets Famous]]''===
:''[Marge convinces Bart to perform one more time.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': You're right, Mom. I shouldn't let this bother me. I'm in television now. It's my job to be repetitive. My job. My job. Repetitiveness is my job. ''[to Marge]'' I'm gonna go out there and give the best performance of my life!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': The best performance of your life?
:'''Bart''': The best performance of my life!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': ''[to Bart]'' And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[breaking a lamp]'' D'oh!
:'''Bart''': Ay, caramba!
:'''Marge''': ''[groans]''
:'''[[w:Maggie Simpson|Maggie]]''': ''[sucks her pacifier]''
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Flanders]]''': Hi-dilly-ho!
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': ''[belches]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Ha, ha!
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Excellent.
:''[Long pause. Everyone looks expectantly at Lisa.]
:'''Lisa''': If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room. [She walks away.]
:'''Homer''': What kind of catchphrase is that?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I'm telling you, I do work on the Krusty show. Look at the Credits! [presses &quot;play&quot;]
:'''Krusty''': Bye bye, kids! ''[laughs]'' ''[credits roll, then after a few seconds they are squeezed for a news promo]''
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': I'm Kent Brockman. On the 11:00 news tonight, a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal. We won't tell you which one after sports and the weather with Funny Sonny Storm.
:'''Bart''': ''[Pausing the tape and pointing to his name on the screen]'' There's my name, right here, Bart Simpson.
:'''[[w:Milhouse Van Houten|Milhouse]]''': Looks more like Brad Storch.
:'''[[w:Martin Prince|Martin]]''': No, it says Betty. Betty Symington.
:'''[[Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': ''[Punching Bart in the stomach]'' That's for taking credit for other people's work.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[Reading news script]'' 'Tragic news tonight: a tidal wave in Kuala'... 'la'- la.... 'Pur'... 'Lam-pur'... France.
:''[Bart pops up and steals Kent's Danish.]''
:'''Bart''': Yoink!
:'''Kent Brockman''': Yoink? ''[After finding out his Danish is gone]'' [gasps]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[Shuffling his papers]'' Yeah, I know I'm on. But I don't care. I don't read the news until I get my Danish. Go ahead, try to find a replacement.
:'''Bumbleebee Man''': ''[Pushing Kent off the chair and sitting on it]'' [clearing throat] 'A powerful tidal wave in Kuala Lumpur has killed 120 people.' Ay Chihuahua! Whoa, whoa, whoa! ''[Loses balance and falls over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Announcer''': And now it's time for &quot;Match Game 2034&quot;, with [[Billy Crystal]]!
:'''Billy''': Hi!
:'''Announcer''': [[Farrah Fawcett|Farah Fawcett-Majors-O'Neal-Varney]]!
:'''Farah''': ''[Grunts]''
:'''Announcer''': The &quot;I didn't do it&quot; boy!
:'''Bart''': ''[Grunts]''
:'''Announcer:''': Ventriloquist [[Loni Anderson]]!
:'''Loni''': ''[sighs]''
:'''Announcer''': [[Spike Lee]]!
:'''Spike''': Mmm.
:'''Announcer''': And the always lovely and vivacious head of Kitty Carlisle!
:'''Kitty''': Hi, everybody: let's start the game!

===''[[w:Homer and Apu|Homer and Apu]]''===
:''[Homer is eating expired meat he bought at the Kwik-E-Mart]''
:'''Homer''' ''[as his stomach grumbles]'': Ooh! Stomach...churning! ''[keeps eating the expired ham. His stomach grumbling gets more intense. Begins to double over]'': Bowels...clenching. Not much time. ''[falls off the couch, off-screen]'': Must finish! ''[eating sounds]''
:''[Cut to an ambulance speeding down the street]''
:''[Establishing shot of Springfield General Hospital. Cut to a sick Homer in a hospital bed with Marge, the kids, and Dr. Hibbert standing over him]''
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': Well, sir, Homer's illness was either caused by ingesting spoiled food or...''[chuckles]'': some sort of voodoo curse.
:''[whip pan to Patty and Selma with a purse]''
:'''Patty''': Hey! We've just been working the eyes. ''[Selma holds up a Homer-shaped voodoo doll with 12 needles (six on each eye) in his eyes]''
:''[some time later]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Your old meat made me sick!
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': Why, I'm so sorry. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp. ''[Homer picks up and sniffs a piece of shrimp]''
:'''Homer''': This shrimp isn't frozen – and it smells funny!
:'''Apu''': Okay, ten pounds.
:'''Homer''': Woo-hoo!
:''[Cut to the same ambulance as before speeding down the street]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': Good evening, here's an update on last week's nursing home exposé, &quot;Geezers in Freezers&quot; – it turns out the rest home ''was'' adequately heated; the footage you saw was of a fur-storage facility. We've also been told to apologize for using the term &quot;geezers&quot;. Now, coming up next, &quot;The Case of the Cantankerous Old Geezer.&quot;
:'''Homer''': ''[couch-ridden with salmonella]'' Oh... Urp! Rancid meat attack! Stupid parasites! Is there no way I can find justice?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent''': We've come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversized novelty hat. ''[puts hat on Homer, straining on pain]'' Now, go get us some incriminating footage. And remember: you have to get in and out for 10 minutes, or you suffer permanent neck damage.
:'''Man''': ''[neck horribly bent]'' He's not kiddin'.
:''[Homer walks towards the Kwik-E-Mart doors, swaying and weaving. Apu watches him, curious. Kent and others watch through the camera in the surveillance van]''
:'''Apu''': Huh?
:'''Homer''': Don't be alarmed, Apu. Just go about your daily routine like I'm not wearing the hat.
:'''Apu''': Your headgear seems to be emitting a buzzing noise, sir. Perhaps you have a bee in your bonnet.
:'''Homer''': Bee? Agh! Woo! Woo! Agh-agh-agghh! ''[Stomps on the hat and runs out. Homer returns to the van, gasping for air]''
:'''Kent''': Homer, that hat's been with the station for twenty years. He had one day left 'til retirement.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Apu is replenishing the hot dog roller, unaware the camera in the hat is filming him. He drops one on the floor, it rolls towards the hat, and we get a wretched close-up of the wiener]''
:'''Apu''': Oh, it is encrusted with filth. ''[blows it]'' Oh, well, let's sell it anyway. Now this is just between me and you, smashed hat. ''[he winks right into the camera]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Apu, if I've learned anything, it's that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Apu''': That ''[the Kwik-E-Mart]'' is the sight of my spiritual de-pantsing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Apu are flying over the Himalayas]''
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No.
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No.
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No.
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No. Oh wait... Now we are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Apu''': He is the benevolent, enlightened president and CEO of Kwik-E-Mart – and in Ohio, Stop-O-Mart. ''[CEO slurps his Squishee]'' He is the one I must ask to get my job back.
:'''CEO''': Approach, my sons.
:''[Homer and Apu approach the CEO's meditation point]''
:'''CEO''': You may ask me three questions.
:'''Apu''': That's great, because I only need one.
:'''Homer''': ''[interrupting]'' Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
:'''CEO''': Yes.
:'''Homer''': Really?
:'''CEO''': Yes.
:'''Homer''': You?
:'''CEO''': Yes. I hope this has been enlightening for you.
:'''Apu''': But – I must—
:'''CEO''': Thank you, come again.
:'''Apu''': But—
:'''CEO''': Thank you, come again.
:''[Homer and Apu leave the convenient store]''
:'''Homer''': Well, that was a big bust. Is he ''really'' the head of the Kwik-E-Mart? ''[Apu growls, reaches towards Homer]'' No need to apologize, Apu – it was as much my fault as it was yours. ''[Apu pounces and strangles Homer]'' Okay, Apu ... I accept your apology! ''[both fight, topple off the path and fall down the mountain side]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[James Woods]]''': Apu, you saved my life. And as a small token of my appreciation, I got you your job back at the Kwik-E-Mart.
:'''Apu''': Oh! Oh, Mr. Woods, you're--
:'''Woods''': But as for me, I'm off to battle aliens on a faraway planet.
:'''Marge''': That sounds like a good movie.
:'''Woods''': Yes... yes, a... a movie, yes.

===''[[w:Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy|Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy]]''===
:''[Homer is buttering a muffin that he got out of an E-Z Bake Oven as he's driving]''
:'''Marge''': Mmm, I don't know if that's a good idea to do while you're driving.
:'''Homer''': Marge, that's what I bought it for.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Thanks for buying us these toys, Grampa.
:'''Grampa Simpson''' ''[dismissive]'': Bah! Why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows '']as Lisa becomes sad]'': or a nice pipe organ? ''[whining]'': I'm thirsty. Ooh, what smells like mustard? ''[The Simpsons continue driving, ignoring Grampa as he continues complaining]'': There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborbood. ''[Homer turns the car into the driveway as Grampa points]'': Ooh! Lookit that one! ''[overhead shot of everyone [except Grampa] fleeing the car and running inside the house]'': Oh, my glaucoma just got worse! The President is a Demmycrat! ''[plaintive]'': Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt! Hello! ''[honks car horn, despite being in the backseat and allegedly not being able to unbuckle his seat belt]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Malibu Stacy Doll''': Don't ask me. I'm just a girl! Ha ha, ha ha!
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Right on, say it, sister.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': It's not funny, Bart. Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act - that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goal in life is to look pretty, land a rich husband, and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends talkin' about how damned terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!
:'''Bart''': Just what I was gonna say.
:''[Lisa angrily throws the doll out the living room window. Cut to Grampa Simpson riding a bike down the street]''
:'''Grampa Simpson''': Look at me! I'm acting young!
:''[The doll gets caught in the spokes of the bicycle. Grampa Simpson flies off screaming past a blur of colors until he lands in an open grave at a cemetery. Two grave diggers having lunch turn around to see what the commotion is, then resume eating]''
:'''Grampa Simpson''': ''[from inside the grave]'' Hey, this ain't so bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lisa pressures Stacy Lovell about Malibu Stacy.]
:'''Stacy''': I see exactly what you mean; this is a problem. But what do you expect me to do?
:'''Lisa''': Change what she says. It's your company.
:'''Stacy''': Not since I was forced out in 1974. They said my way of thinking just wasn't cost effective.
:'''Lisa''': ''[gasps]'' That's awful.
:'''Stacy''': Well, that and I was funneling profits to the Viet Cong.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Smithers turns on his computer, its boot screen displays a computerized version of Mr. Burns]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Hello, Smithers. You're. Quite. Good. At. Turning. Me. On.
:'''Smithers''': Uh, you probably should ignore that.

===''[[w:Deep Space Homer|Deep Space Homer]]''===
:'''[[w:Montgomery Burns|Burns]]''': Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season! And remember: a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya. ''[Smithers whispers to him]'' Hmm?... What?... Oh, and by that I mean, of course, it's time for the &quot;Worker of the Week Award&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stillwater''': People, we're in danger of losing our funding.  America isn't interested in space exploration anymore.
:'''Babcock''': Maybe we should finally tell them the big secret, that all the [[w:Chimpanzee|chimps]] we sent into space came back super intelligent.
:''[A chair swivels around, revealing a chimp in a suit, wearing glasses, and smoking a pipe.]''
:'''Chimp''': ''[English accent]'' No, I don't think we'll be telling them that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Reporter''': Uh, question for the barbecue chef: Don't you think there is an inherent danger in sending underqualified civilians into space?
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': I'll field this one. The only danger is if they send us to that terrible [[Planet of the Apes (1968 film)|Planet of the Apes]]. ''[thinks for a moment]'' Wait a minute... [[w:Statue of Liberty|Statue of Liberty]]... THAT WAS [[Earth|''OUR'' PLANET]]! '''YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP!''' DAMN YOU! '''DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''NASA Technician''': ''[counting down to launch]'' Three... Two... One... MAKE ROCKET GO NOW!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent''': We're just about to get our first pictures from inside the spacecraft with &quot;average-naut&quot; Homer Simpson, and we'd like to...
:''[an ant floats past the screen]''
:'''Kent''': Ahhhh!
:'''Simpsons family''': AHHHHHHHH!
:''[the picture breaks up]''
:'''Kent''': Folks, we just lost the picture, but...what we've seen...speaks for itself.  The spacecraft has apparently been taken over – &quot;conquered&quot; if you will – by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain. There is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barney''': It begins!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer has sent potato chips loose in zero gravity]''
:'''[[Buzz Aldrin]]''': Careful, they're ruffled!

===''[[w:Homer Loves Flanders|Homer Loves Flanders]]''===
:''[Ned has just offered Homer tickets to the game]''
:'''Homer''': Why do you mock me, Lord?
:'''Marge''': Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle Bart threw up there
:''[Marge knocks it down]''
:'''Homer''': I know I shouldn't eat thee but... ''[does it anyway]'' Mmmm, sacralicious.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lenny and Carl see Homer and Ned drive by, but Homer buries Ned's head out of view so they don't see him with Flanders]''
:'''Homer''': Hi!
:'''Lenny''': Hey, look! Homer's got one of those robot cars!
:''[The car crashes off-screen due to Homer pushing Ned's head down]''
:'''Carl''': ...One of those ''American'' robot cars.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Burns talking to football players before the game]''
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because... I crippled him myself to inspire you.
:''[Cuts to Milhouse lying in a hospital bed with a broken leg and his parents at his side.]''
:'''[[w:Milhouse Van Houten|Milhouse]]''': I hope they win or Mr. Burns said he's coming back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Quimby''': I'll take two dogs, two sodas... and, uh, two ice cream bars. ''[as they are passed along the row towards him, Homer snatches two bites from his dogs]'' What the hell happened to my dogs? I want answers.
:'''Homer''': Well, I guess I should pay my share.
:'''Ned''': ''[chuckling]'' Relax, Homer. I keep telling you. You're my guest.
:'''Homer''': Ooh, you brought me a nacho hat! Thanks, Ned. ''[dips a nacho in it, then eats it, singing]'' Nacho, nacho man, I want to be a nacho man.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rod''': Lies make Baby Jesus cry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lovejoy''': Now let us bow our heads in a silent prayer of Thanksgiving. ''[all the churchgoers do so. Homer is breathing through his nose, which gets louder with each breath, annoying Ned]''
:'''Ned''': ''[furiously and annoyed]'' '''STOP IT!!! BREATHE THROUGH YOUR ''DAMN'' MOUTH!''' ''[Lovejoy and the churchgoers gasp]'' Oh, can't you see this man's not a hero!? He's annoying! He's very, very annoying!
:'''Helen''': Well, Ned's just jealous!
:'''Moe''': The man's hepped up on goofballs!
:'''Abe''': Let's sacrifice him to our ''God!'' We did it all the time in the 30's.

===''[[w:Bart Gets an Elephant|Bart Gets an Elephant]]''===
:''[Homer, Bart, and Lisa discuss their plans after breakfast.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': After breakfast, me and Milhouse are going down to the ravine. We got a tip from a five-year-old that there's a dead Martian down there.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': And I'm going to jam with the Little White Girls Blues Quartet. ''[to Homer]:'' Wanna come with me, Daddy-o?
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Sorry, honey. I'd love to, but Daddy has to go to a beer-drinking contest.
:'''Bart''': Think you'll win?
:'''Homer''': Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': What's the point of all this cleaning?! Are we so vain?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Moe''': Hey Clinton, get back to work!
:'''[[Bill Clinton]]''': Make me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''': Hey, they're playing the elephant song!
:'''Jasper''': I love that. Reminds me of elephants.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': So isn't that what we're all asking in our own lives – &quot;Where's my elephant?&quot; I know that's what I've been asking.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[rides on Stampy]'' Ha-ha! Smithers, this reminds me of that fat man I used to ride to work!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Look at this, Marge: $58 and all of it profit! I'm the smartest businessman in the world.
:'''Marge''': Stampy's food bill today was $300.
:'''Homer''': ''[scared]'' Marge, please, don't humiliate me in front of the money.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Mr. Blackheart?
:'''Mr. Blackheart''': Yes, my pretty?
:'''Lisa''': Are you an ivory dealer?
:'''Mr. Blackheart''': ''[chuckles]'' Little girl, I've had lots of jobs in my day: Whale hunter, seal clubber, president of the Fox network ... and like most people, yeah, I've dealt a little ivory.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ned Flanders''': Look! It's the four elephants of the Apocalypse!
:'''Maude''': That's &quot;Horsemen,&quot; Ned.
:'''Ned''': Well, getting closer. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': He took Bart too?! ''[yells out the window]'' THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL BLACKHEART! THAT. WASN'T. PAAAAART!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At Springfield Police Station]''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, right, lady: an elephant ran through your front yard. OK. [goes to another line] Wiggum...yeah, right, mister, mm hm. An elephant just knocked over your mailbox. OK. [goes to another line] Wiggum...Yeah, right, buddy, liquor store robbery, officer down. Sure...and I'm Edward G. Robinson!

===''[[w:Burns' Heir|Burns' Heir]]''===
:'''Smithers''': I got a mink chamois, sir. I hope it-- ''[gasp]'' Oh, my God, Mr. Burns is dead! Aw! Why do the good always die so young?
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[emerges, strangles Smithers]'' You almost killed me!
:'''Smithers''': Please, sir... ''[places towel on Burns' shoulders]'' you'll catch..cold.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milhouse''': I have nothing to offer you but my love.
:'''Mr. Burns''': I specifically said ''no geeks''!
:'''Milhouse''': ''[dejected]'' But my mom says I'm cool...
:'''Mr. Burns''': Next!
:'''Nelson Muntz''': Give me your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in!
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ooh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list.
:'''Martin Prince''': ''[Singing]'' ''[[w:The Trolley Song|Clang, clang, clang went the trolley! Ring, ring, ring went the bell! Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings]]--''
:''[Nelson runs onto the stage and cold cocks him. Martin collapses.]'' 
:'''Mr. Burns''': Thank you. Give the bully an extra point.
:'''Lisa''': ''[clears throat]'' I propose to you that your heir not need be a boy. In this [[wikt:phallocentric|phallocentric]] society of ours -
:'''Mr Burns''': I don't know what 'phallocentric' means, but ''no girls''!
:'''Milhouse''': ''[offstage, in a dress and wig]'' So much for Plan B.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[a stone suddenly crashes through Burns' library glass window, landing at his feet]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, look. A bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.
:'''Smithers''': I think it is a rock, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': We'll see what the lab has to say about that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Bart smashes up Burns' residence in anger for not being chosen as the heir, smashing windows and decapitating statues'']
:'''Mr. Burns''': Heh heh, look, Smithers -- a creature of pure malevolence. He's the perfect one to suckle at my proverbial teat. ''[opens window]'' [[A Christmas Carol|You there, boy!  What day is this?]]
:'''Boy''': ''[with an exaggerated [[w:Cockney accent|Cockney accent]]]'' Today, sir? Why, it's Christmas Day!
:'''Mr. Burns''': I was talking to ''him''. [''points at Bart''] You!  What day is this?
:'''Bart''': Huh?
:'''Mr. Burns''': I'll tell you what day this is: today is the day you become my heir!
:[''Bart throws a rock which hits Smithers in the head'']
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ooh, I like him a lot.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Simpsons family are eating dinner, Bart throws peas at Lisa]''
:'''Lisa''': Hey! Mom, Bart's throwing peas! 
:'''Marge''': Bart, don't throw peas at your sister.
:'''Bart''': Mr. Burns throws peas at Smithers. ''[throws another peas at Lisa]''
:'''Lisa''': Ow! That was a big one!
:'''Marge''': Homer, say something.
:'''Homer''': Okay. Lisa, quit getting in the way of your wealthy brother's peas.
:'''Marge''': ''[groans]''
:'''Bart''': Oh, yuck. Meat loaf. My most hated of all loafs. ''[feeds his piece to SHL]''
:'''Homer''': ''[gasps]'' That was the end piece! ''[turns red in anger]'' That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog! ''[point upwards]'' Go to your room!  
:'''Bart''': No! This family stinks! Mr. Burns nurtures my destructive side. I'm suffocating here.
:'''Homer''': Bart, you listen!  
:'''Bart''': Oh, go eat some flowers! ''[tosses flowers at Homer]''
:'''Homer''': My secret shame.
:''[Bart storms out of his house, riding his bicycle]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Deprogrammer''': Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, your son has clearly been brainwashed by the evil and charismatic Mr. Burns.
:'''Marge''': Are you sure you can get him back for us?
:'''Deprogrammer''': Absolutely. I'm the one who successfully deprogrammed [[Jane Fonda]], you know.
:'''Marge''': What about [[w:Peter Fonda|Peter Fonda]]?
:'''Deprogrammer''': Oh, that was a heartbreaker. But I did get [[Paul McCartney]] out of [[w:Wings (band)|Wings]].
:'''Homer''': You idiot! He was the most talented one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart turns on his model train and it leaves the room]''
:'''Milhouse''': Where does it go?
:'''Bart''': I don't know, but it won't be back for three hours. One time it had snow on it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': People, that was all wrong! Homer Simpson doesn't say &quot;Boh&quot;, he says... [''Flips through a script to he gets to a page.''] Doh!
:''[The fake Homer and Marge take off their masks.]''
:'''British Fake Homer''': Sorry, M.B., but I'm having trouble with this character. Is he supposed to have some kind of neurological impairment like Rain Man or Awakenings. I mean, what the hell am I doing here?
:'''Fake Marge''': And this dialogue has none of the wit and sparkle of [[w:Murphy Brown|Murphy Brown]].
:'''Fake Lisa''': [''Takes off his mask and smokes his cigar''] Hey, you know we are getting into Golden Time.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yes well just get it right, or you'll be back doing [[w:Come Blow Your Horn|Come Blow Your Horn]] at the Westport Dinner Theatre.

===''[[w:Sweet Seymour Skinner's Badasssss Song|Sweet Seymour Skinner's Badasssss Song]]''===
:'''[[w:Springfield Elementary School#Superintendent Chalmers|Superintendent Chalmers]]''': Seymour? You're fired!
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': I'm sorry, di-did you just call me a liar?
:'''Superintendent Chalmers''': No, I said you were fired.
:'''Principal Skinner''': Oh. That's much worse.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Come on, Chalmie, you fired Skinner for less than this.
:'''Superintendent Chalmers''': Yeah, I did, but... Skinner really bugged me. Besides, the way America's public schools are sliding, they'll all be this way in a few months. I say, lay back and enjoy it, it's a hell of a toboggan ride.
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Ned]]''': ''[over PA]'' Well, cockly-doodly-doo, little buddies. Let's thank the Lord for another beautiful school day.
:'''Superintendent Chalmers''': Thank the Lor-- thank the Lord? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer. A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion. Simpson, you get your wish. Flanders is history!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Skinner''': Now I... I finally have time to do what I've always wanted: write the [[w:Great American Novel|Great American Novel]]. Mine is about [[w:Jurassic Park|a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques]]. I call it &quot;Billy and the Cloneasaurus.&quot;
:'''Apu''': Oh, you have got to be ''kidding'', sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done. And then you give it a title that nobody could ''possibly'' like! Didn't you think this through?...''[fade to later]''... was on the bestseller list for ''eighteen months!'' Every magazine cover had it...''[fade to later]''...most popular movies of all ''time'', sir! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?! ''[Skinner hangs his head in shame as Apu calms down]'' ...I mean, thank you, come again.

===''[[w:The Boy Who Knew Too Much|The Boy Who Knew Too Much]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Wow, that is the biggest Rice Krispie square I've ever seen! The rich sure know how to live.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[lowers a table out of the hotel window; then drops it]'' Got it, Barn?
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': ''[offscreen, below hotel]'' Got what? ''[table drops on his head]'' Ow!
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': You're stealing a table?
:'''Homer''': I'm not stealing it. Hotels expect you to take a few things. It's a souvenir!
:'''Principal Skinner''': Ah... Is that my necktie you're wearing?
:'''Homer''': Souvenir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scott Christian''': Let's go over to the county courthouse live to Kent Brockman.
:'''Kent Brockman''': —ockman, just outside the county courtroom where an argument about chowder has spilled over into the biggest trial in Springfield history. Behind these doors, a federal judge will ladle out steaming bowls of rich, creamy justice in a case the media have dubbed &quot;Beat-Up Waiter&quot;. ''[pfft]'' This reporter suggested &quot;[[Watergate scandal|Waitergate]]&quot;, but was shouted down at the press club. Now, it's illegal to televise court proceedings in this state, ''[whispers]'' so we'll have to be quiet. ''[courtroom doors close in his face]'' Dooh—!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Mom, what if there's a really bad, crummy guy who's going to jail, but I know he's innocent?
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Well, Bart, your Uncle Arthur used to have a saying: &quot;Shoot 'em all and let God sort them out.&quot; Unfortunately, one day he put his theory into practice. It took 75 Federal Marshals to bring him down. Now let's never speak of this again. ''[she then starts humming and dusting the TV]''
:'''Bart''': Mom, what if I can get this guy off the hook? Should I do it?
:'''Marge''': Honey, you should listen to your heart... and not the voices in your head, like a certain uncle did one gray December morn.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, my God... Someone's taken a bite out of the big Rice Krispie square! ...Oh, yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten, heh-heh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[reads the verdict paper]'' What does &quot;[[wiktionary:sequestered|sequestered]]&quot; mean?
:'''Skinner''': It means if we're deadlocked we'll be put up somewhere until we reach a decision.
:'''Homer''': What does &quot;[[wiktionary:deadlocked|deadlocked]]&quot; mean?
:'''Skinner''': It means the jury cannot reach a unanimous decision.
:'''Homer''': Uh-huh. And &quot;[[wiktionary:if|if]]&quot;?
:'''Skinner''': Conjunction meaning &quot;in the event that&quot; or &quot;on condition that&quot;.
:'''Homer''': So IF we cannot reach a decision, the jury will be DEADLOCKED, and then we'll be SEQUESTERED in the Springfield Palace Hotel.
:'''Patty''': That's not going to happen, Homer.
:'''Jasper''': Let's vote. My liver is failing.
:'''Homer''': Where we'll get free rooms, free food, free TV, free {{w|HBO}}, OOOH! [[Free Willy|FREE WILLY]]! ''[Skinner snatches paper from him]''
:'''Skinner''': Justice is not a frivolous thing, Simpson. It has little, if anything, to do with a disobedient whale. Now let's vote!
:'''Homer''': What are all of you voting?
:'''Everyone''': Guilty.
:'''Homer''': Uh-huh. How many S's in innocent?
:''[everyone else groans]''
:'''Homer''': Now I'm only doing what I think is right. I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart sees Skinner in the jury; Skinner thinks his thoughts to him]''
:'''Principal Skinner''': I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just a little reminder: If I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yeah, you heard me. I think words I would never say. ''[camera pans left to Homer]''
:'''Homer''': I know you can read ''my'' thoughts, boy. ''[sings {{w|Meow Mix}} jingle]'' ''Meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow.''

===''[[w:Lady Bouvier's Lover|Lady Bouvier's Lover]]''===
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Homer, you didn't do a very good job frosting Maggie's birthday cake.
:''[The cake reads, &quot;Happy Birthday Magaggie&quot;.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': What? It's not Magaggie's birthday?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': If he marries your mother, Marge, we'll be brother and sister! And then our kids... they'll be horrible freaks with pink skin, no overbites, and five fingers on each hand!
:''[Homer imagines his children as more realistic-looking humans, screams and runs from the room]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Bouvier''': Oh, Monty, I swear you're the devil himself.
:'''Mr. Burns''': I...Who told you?! ...Oh, ah, yes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': I specifically requested ''no'' romantic music! What…?
:'''Abraham Simpson''': ''[stops playing organ, trying to pounds the window]'' Mrs. Bouvier! Mrs. Bouvier! ''[Glass breaks, he falls to the church floor, saved Jacqueline]'' Mrs. Bouvier!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines as Grampa gets back together with Mrs. Bouvier in a bus]''
:'''Simon &amp; Garfunkel''': ''[voices only]'' ♪ ''Hello Grampa, my old friend'' ♪
:♪ ''Your busy day is at an end'' ♪ ''[the executive producers' names appear in darkness]''
:♪ ''Your exploits have been sad and boring'' ♪ ''[the credits begin playing]''
:♪ ''They tell a tale, that's worth ignoring'' ♪
:♪ ''When you're alone, the words of your story will echo down the rest home hall'' ♪
:♪ ''Cuz no one at all'' ♪
:♪ ''Can stand the sound of Grampa'' ♪
:'''Abraham Simpson''': ''[voice only, in credits]'' I first took a fancy to Mrs. Bouvier because her raspy voice reminded me of my old Victrola. Oh, it was a fine machine with a vulcanized rubber listening tube which you crammed in your ear! The tube would go in easy with some sort of lubricant like linseed oil or Dr. Shumway's... ''[the Gracie Films logo appears]'' Oops. I'm sorry!

===''[[w:Secrets of a Successful Marriage|Secrets of a Successful Marriage]]''===
:''[Homer and Marge are discussing ways for Homer to better himself.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oh... and how is &quot;''education''&quot; supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': That's because you were drunk!
:'''Homer''': And how.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': So, little Lisa, apple of my eye: how are things down at the old schoolhouse?
:'''Lisa''': I find this demeaning and embarrassing beyond my worst nightmares.
:'''Homer''': ''[hearty laughter]'' And how's my little major-leaguer?  Catch any junebugs today?
:'''Bart''': Oh, me and Milhouse took some mail from the mail truck and threw it down the sewer.
:'''Homer''': ''[with barely-concealed anger]'': Son, I know you meant well, but that wasn't the right thing to do.
:'''Bart''': What the hell are you talking about?  You're the one who double-dared us.
:'''Homer''': ''[explodes with anger]'': Why you little -- ''[strangles Bart]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Bart''': I'm outta here!
:'''Lisa''': Me too. 
:''[Bart and Lisa leave]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as Marge kicks out Homer's class -- and Homer]''
:'''Homer''': All right, we're breaking early tonight, class. For tomorrow, you should read pages seven to 18 in Lisa's diary.
:'''Marge''': You too.
:'''Homer''': Huh?
:'''Marge''': Get out!
:'''Homer''': But I'm not in a cla-
:''[Marge angrily pushes Homer onto the ground and slams the door, Otto puts his hand on Homer's shoulder]''
:'''Otto''': Uh, is any of this gonna be on the test? 'Cause I wasn't payin' attention.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[after Marge kicks him out of his house]'' Oh. Fine. If that's what you want, you've got it. ''[walks away from his house]'' This scene is gettin' old, man. I'm hittin' the road. Maybe I'll drop you a line someday from wherever I wind up in this crazy old world. ''[walks into the streets]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Oh, good. Reverend Lovejoy will make Marge take me back. He ''has'' to push the sanctity of marriage, or his god will punish him!
:''[Immediate cut to Reverend and Mrs. Lovejoy talking with Marge in the living room.]''
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': ''[flatly]'' Get a divorce.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Helen Lovejoy|Helen Lovejoy]]''': Mmm-hmm.
:'''Marge''': But isn't that a sin?
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Marge, just about everything is a sin. You ever sat down and read [[The Bible|this thing]]? Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 05}}
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      <text bytes="68080" sha1="crylx3r5k8r5mmit2f8tca3sdp85vwc" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Simpsons''/Season 5}}
{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

===''[[w:Homer's Barbershop Quartet|Homer's Barbershop Quartet]]''===
:'''Bart''': Dad, when did you record an album?
:'''Homer''': I'm surprised you don't remember, son. It was only 8 years ago.
:'''Bart''': Dad, thanks to television I can't remember what happened 8 minutes ago.
:''[all Simpsons but Bart start laughing]''
:'''Bart''': No really, I can't, it's a serious problem!
:''[everyone laughs again, and Bart finally relents and laughs too]''
:'''Bart''': What're we all laughing about?
:'''Homer''': Who cares?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barney''': David Crosby? You're my hero!
:'''[[David Crosby]]''': Oh, you like my music?
:'''Barney''': You're a musician?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After the Grammy Awards...]''
:'''Homer''': ''Then came to the greatest thrill of my life.''
:'''[[George Harrison]]''': Hello, Homer, I'm George Harrison.
:'''Homer''': Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Where did you get that brownie?
:'''Harrison''': Over there. There's a big pile of 'em.
:'''Homer''': ''[walks over to the brownies and wolfs down a whole bunch]'' Oh, man.
:'''Harrison''': ''[completely sincere]'' Well, what a nice fellow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Be Sharps are going through hard times.]''
:'''Homer, Skinner, and Apu''': ''[singing tiredly]'' ''For all the latest medical poop''
:''Call Surgeon General [[C. Everett Koop]]''
:''Koop Koop-a-doop''
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': ''[to Homer]'' This is worse than your song about [[Mr. T]].
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': I pity the fool who doesn't like... he. And where's Barney?
:'''Principal Skinner''': Oh, he's with [[Yoko Ono|his new girlfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist]].
:''[Barney and his girlfriend walk in, and Barney inserts a demo tape into a recorder]''
:'''Barney''': Barbershop is in danger of growing stale. I'm taking it to strange new places.
:''[On the recorder]''
:'''Barney's Girlfriend''': [[w:Revolution 9|Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'' Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'' Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'']]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[during the closing credits]'' I'd like to thank you on behalf of the group, and I hope we passed the audition. ''[Everyone laughs, including Barney. After the laughter dies down]''
:'''Barney''': I don't get it.

===''[[w:Cape Feare|Cape Feare]]''===

:''[after seeing an episode of ''Up Late with McBain'', where Rainier Wolfcastle gets booed for his homophobic joke about Scoey's outfit]''
:'''Bart''' ''[disgusted]'': This is ''horrible''!
:'''Lisa''' ''[disappointed, but not surprised]'': The FOX network has sunk to a new low.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa and Bart''': AAAH! SIDESHOW BOB!
:'''Bart''': ''You'' wrote me those letters!
:'''Marge''': You awful man! Stay away from my son!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': ''[menacing]'' Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right! Stay away... FOREVER!
:'''Homer''': Oh no!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': Wait a minute. That's no good. ''[walks away, then runs back]'' Wait, I've got a good one now! Marge, say &quot;stay away from my son&quot; again.
:'''Marge''': No!
:''[Sideshow Bob grumbles and walks away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Blue-Haired Lawyer|Blue-Haired Lawyer]]''': But what about that tattoo on your chest?  Doesn't it say, &quot;Die Bart, Die?&quot;
:'''Sideshow Bob''': No, that's German for &quot;The Bart, The.&quot;
:'''Juror''': No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Now Sideshow Bob can't get in without me knowing. And once a man is in your home, anything you do to him is nice and ''[winks]'' legal.
:'''Homer''': Is that so? ''[yells out kitchen window]'' Oh, Flanders? Won't you join me in my kitchen? ''[Ned turns off the hose. Homer stands on the wall next to the kitchen arch, preparing to strike Flanders]'' Heh-heh-heh-heh...
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Uh, it doesn't work when you invite 'em.
:'''Ned''': Hidilly-hey!
:'''Homer''': Go home.
:'''Ned''': Toodledy-do!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer has hired a detective to take care of Sideshow Bob]''
:'''Detective''': Now, don't you fret. When I'm through, he won't set foot in this town again. I can be very, ''very'' persuasive. ''[Holsters a gun]''
:''[Detective is at a bar with Sideshow Bob]''
:'''Detective''': ''[whining]'' C'mon, leave town!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': No.
:'''Detective''': I'll be your friend!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': No.
:'''Detective''': Oh, you're mean!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Simpsons are being placed in the Federal Witness Protection Program]''
:'''FBI Agent #1''': Tell you what, sir, from now on, you'll be Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit, hmm? When I say &quot;hello, Mr. Thompson&quot;, you'll say &quot;hi&quot;.
:'''Homer''': Check!
:'''FBI Agent #1''': Hello, Mr. Thompson. ''[Homer doesn't respond and stares blankly]'' Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
:'''Homer''': I gotcha.
:'''FBI Agent #1''': Hello, Mr. Thompson.
:''[again Homer doesn’t respond and stares blankly. The FBI agents exchange looks]''
:''[hours pass by]''
:'''FBI Agent #1''': ''[frustrated]'' Argh... Now when I say &quot;hello, Mr. Thompson&quot; and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
:'''Homer''': No problem.
:'''FBI Agent #1''': ''[stepping hard on Homer's foot]'' Hello, Mr. Thompson.
:'''Homer''': ''[still doesn't respond and stares blankly again for a few seconds, then whispers to the other FBI agent]'' I think he's talking to you.
:''[the FBI agent facepalms]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer busts into Bart's room at night with glowing eyes and a knife]''
:'''Homer''': '''BART DO YOU WANT SOME BROWNIES BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?!'''
:''[Bart screams]''
:''[Homer switches back to normal, holding a brownie tray]''
:'''Homer''': Let me cut you a brownie while they're still hot!
:'''Bart''': Dad, I'm kind of edgy right now. I'd appreciate you not coming in my room screaming and brandishing a butcher's knife!
:'''Homer''': Why? ''[looks at the knife in his hand]'' Oh, right! The Sideshow Bob thing! I'm sorry, boy.
:''[Homer puts the knife down, kisses Bart gently on the forehead, and walks out of the room. Bart turns over to go to sleep and Homer busts back in.]''
:'''Homer''': '''BART YOU WANNA SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK?!''' ''[stands over Bart revving the chainsaw]''
:''[Bart screams louder]''
:''[Homer returns to normal]''
:'''Homer''': Oh, sorry! What ''am'' I thinking?
:''[Homer kisses Bart on the forehead and walks out of the room]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob. You're under arrest.
:'''Sideshow Bob''': ''[furious]'' '''''By Lucifer's beard!'''''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Uh, yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Bart''': Take 'im away, boys.
:'''Wiggum''': Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake 'im away, toys.
:'''Lou''': What'd you say, chief?
:'''Wiggum''': Do what the kid says.

===''[[w:Homer Goes to College|Homer Goes to College]]''===
:'''Female Intercom''': [''as the dog pulls the level to stop a meltdown''] Meltdown averted. Good boy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is sitting in a nuclear inspection van]''
:'''Male NRC agent''': Homer, this is an exact replica of your work station. 
:'''Homer''': Hm?
:'''Male NRC agent''': Now, we're going to simulate a power surge in core sector eight.
:'''Homer''': What the hell are you talking about? 
:''[The agents slam the door of the van shut, and slide open a peephole to watch Homer]''
:'''Homer''': ''[blubbering]'' What do I do? What do I do? In the name of God, you've gotta tell me!
:'''Male NRC agent''': Relax! It's just a simulator. Nothing can go wrong.
:'''Homer''': ''[to himself]'' Just poke blindly at the controls until they let you go.
:''[Homer shields his eyes and pushes random buttons, inexplicably causing a meltdown]''
:'''Male NRC agent''': No, no! This... can't be happening!
:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns run to an escape pod. Burns seals the door; Smithers desperately pounds on it]''
:'''Smithers''': For the love of God, sir, there are two seats!
:'''Mr Burns''': ''[reopens the door]'' I like to put my feet up.
:''[Homer emerges from the crater, glowing a radioactive green.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Raargh! Must... destroy... mankind! ''[his watch beeps]'' Ooh, lunchtime. ''[Homer shakes off the radiation and walks off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Male NRC agent''': I'm still not sure how he caused the meltdown.  There wasn't any nuclear material in the truck!
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, very well, it's time for your bribe. Now, you can either have the washer and dryer where the lovely Smithers is standing, or you can trade it all in for what's in this box.
:'''Male NRC agent''': The box, the box!
:'''Female NRC agent''': Look, Burns, this is a big problem. You can't just throw money at it and make it go away.
:''[Mayor Quimby appears, wearing a fur coat that still has the $5,000 price tag attached to it.]''
:'''[[w:Joe Quimby|Mayor Quimby]]''': Gentlemen, I've decided there will be, uh, no investigation. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go away. ''[departs]''
:'''Male NRC agent''': You're in big trouble, Burns. Homer Simpson's job requires college training in nuclear physics.  Now you get your man up to speed, or we'll be forced to take legal action.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Is that so? Well, I have a feeling you'll be... ''dropping'' the charges.
:''[Burns presses a button on his desk. A trapdoor opens a few feet behind the NRC agents, who stare at it in confusion.]''
:'''Smithers''': The painters moved your desk, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ah, yes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': You [Homer] must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon.
:'''Smithers''': Actually sir we found the Jade Monkey; it was in your glove compartment.
:'''Mr. Burns''': And the road maps and ice scraper?
:'''Smithers''': They were in there too sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Excellent, it's all falling into place.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer, Bart and the nerds have captured Sir Oinkcelot]''
:'''Homer''': Look! You pull its tail straight and it curls right back up again! ''[He begins pulling the pig's tail]'' Curly, straight! Curly, straight! Curly, straight! Curly, straight! ''[Sir Oinkcelot starts squealing in agony]''
:'''Doug''': Mr. Simpson, I don't think he likes that.
:'''Homer''': Of course he does! He's a cute little piggy! ''[Continues pulling Sir Oinkcelot's tail]'' Curly, straight! Curly, straight! ''[The pig viciously bites Homer on his hand]'' OW!! ''[turns red with anger]'' WHY YOU LITTLE...! ''[Homer lunges at Sir Oinkcelot, but Bart and the nerds restrain him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Hello, Dean? You're a stupid-head!
:'''Peterson''': ''[looks out the window]'' Homer, is that you?
:''[Homer screams and flees the payphone]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': YES! Take ''that'', Bitterman!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': [''sees Snake Jailbird''] Hey, that's not the wallet inspector.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Professor''': Good morning, and welcome to Nuclear Physics 101. I see a lot of new faces, but you know the old saying: &quot;Out with the old, in with the ''nucleus''&quot; ''[Every student in the class except Homer bursts out with laughter]'' Now, let's just get started on the- whoops. ''[He drops his lecture notes, this time Homer explodes with laughter]''
:'''Homer''': Oh, did you see that jerk! He dropped his notes! ''[Homer continues laughing obnoxiously loud]''

===''[[w:Rosebud (The Simpsons)|Rosebud]]''===
:'''Smithers''': Who's Bobo, sir?
:'''Mr. Burns''': Bobo? Oh I meant ''Lobo'', uh, ''[[w:The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo|Sheriff Lobo]]''. They ''never'' should have cancelled that show. What were they thinking?
:'''Smithers''': Oh, I see. On another topic, the preparations for your birthday have begun.
:'''Mr. Burns''': I won't get what I really want.
:'''Smithers''': No one does.
:''[Smithers briefly imagines Burns popping out of a cake naked and wearing only a sash like [[Marilyn Monroe]]]''
:'''Fantasy Mr. Burns''': ''[singing]'' ''[[w:Happy Birthday Mr. President|Happy Birthday, Mr. Smithers...]]''
:'''Smithers''': ''[smiles]'' Mmmm...
:''[At the Simpsons' house, Homer is tossing and turning in his sleep]''
:'''Homer''': Lobo...Lobo... Bring back Sheriff Lobo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is doing comedy at Burns' party.]''
:'''Homer''': Are you ready to laugh?
:'''Man in Audience''': Ugh, that poor dog.
:'''Homer''': I said, are you ready to laugh?!
:'''Woman in Audience''': Quiet, you awful man!
:'''Homer''': You know, Mr. Burns is ''so'' cheap--
:'''Mr. Burns''': What?
:'''Homer''': Er, I mean you know, Mr. Burns is so ''old''--
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[pounds the table]'' How ''dare you''!
:'''Homer''': Whoa! Tough crowd. Better bring out the big guns... ''[clears throat]'' Here's an impression of Mr. Burns that you might find, a little &quot;cheeky&quot;.
:''[Homer moons the crowd, revealing a face painted on his buttocks; everyone in the audience gasps]''
:'''Homer''': ''[mockingly]'' I'm Mr. Burns, blah, blah, blah! Do this, do that, blah, blah, blah! I think I'm so big, blah blah ''blaaah!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Destroy him. ''[one of Burns' security staff whacks Homer over the head with a baton, leaving him unconscious]'' This party is over. ''[the security staff start attacking other party guests at random]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Mr. Burns' party, Homer is nursing the lump on his head he got during his comedy act at Burns' party]''
:'''Homer''': Aw, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
:'''Lisa''': I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Bart, run down to the store and get a bag of ice for your father.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Yes'm. Dad, I know you're discouraged, but please, don't deny the world your fat can.
:'''Homer''': Don't worry, boy. He'll be ready for your Aunt Selma's birthday.
:'''Lisa''': I knew it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns are crawling across the ceiling of the Simpson home, using suction cups. They freeze when Homer walks to the refrigerator]''
:'''Homer''': Mmmm... 64 slices of [[w:American cheese|American cheese]]. ''[sits at the table and begins eating one at a time]'' 64...63...''[Time passes to morning]'' 2...1.
:'''Marge''': ''[entering]'' Have you been up all night eating cheese?
:'''Homer''': I think I'm blind.
:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns fall the the floor and get up]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Good day to you.
:''[They both leave]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barney The Dinosaur:''' Two plus two is four... two plus two is four... two plus two is four.
:'''Homer:''' Hehehe. I can see why this is so popular.

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror IV|Treehouse of Horror IV]]''===
:''[first lines]''
:'''Bart''': ''[walking in front of a set of paintings]'' Paintings: Lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to hell! So scary and horrible...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Devil Ned has give Homer an enchanted doughnut.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oooh!
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Devil Ned]]''': Now, remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for...
: ''[Homer has already scarfed the doughnut, except for one small piece.]''
:'''Homer''': Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?
:'''Devil Ned''': Well, technically, no, but...
:'''Homer''': ''[sing-song]'' I'm smarter than the Devil! I'm smarter than the Dev--
:''[Devil Ned angrily transforms into a huge, red demon.]''
:'''Devil''': ''[deep voice]'' '''YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, HOMER SIMPSON!!'''
:''[He vanishes into the floor. Homer smugly puts the last doughnut piece into his pocket.]''
:'''Homer''': Not likely. He, he, he.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Hell Labs Ironic Punishment Division, Homer is strapped to a chair where a blue demon arrives]''
:'''Blue Demon''': So, you like donuts, eh?
:'''Homer''': Uh-huh.
:'''Blue Demon''': Well! Have all the donuts in the world!
:''[He starts laughing as Homer is force fed donuts. 15 minutes later, it's revealed that this torture has backfired as Homer still hasn't had enough.]''
:'''Homer''': More.
:'''Blue Demon''': I don't understand it. [[:w:James Coco|James Coco]] went mad in 15 minutes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Devil Ned''': I give you the Jury of the Damned: [[Benedict Arnold]], [[:w:Lizzie Borden|Lizzie Borden]], [[Richard Nixon]].
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': But I’m not dead yet. In fact, I just wrote an article for [[:w:Redbook|Redbook]].
:'''Devil Ned''': Hey, listen, I did a favor for you.
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': Yes, master.
:'''Devil Ned''': [[:w:John Wilkes Booth|John Wilkes Booth]], [[:w:Blackbeard|Blackbeard the Pirate]], [[:w:John Dillinger|John Dillinger]]. And the starting line of the [[:w:1976 Philadelphia Flyers–Red Army game|1976 Philadelphia Flyers]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Devil Ned''': Alright Simpson, you get your soul back. But let that ill-gotten doughnut be ''FOREVER ON YOUR HEAD!!!''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sees a school bus inside the painting]'' The School Bus? Oh, they must mean The Ghoul Bus!
:'''Lisa''': Nope, says right there: ''[points the painting and reads it]'' &quot;School Bus&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sees a gremlin on the school bus during a trip and screams]'' Everybody! There's a monster on the side of the bus!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[horrified at the Dogs Playing Poker painting]'' They're dogs, and they're playing poker!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Simpsons arrive at Mr. Burns' castle. Homer rings the doorbell.]
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': ''[via intercom]'' Welcome, come in. ''[sinisterly, still heard on intercom]'' Ah, fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead.
:'''[[w:Waylon Smithers|Smithers]]''': Sir, you have to let go of the button.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, son of a bi-- ''[door opens]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': BART! How many times have I told you not to bite your sis— Wait a minute! You ARE a vampire!
:'''Grampa''': QUICK!! We have to kill the boy!!
:'''Marge''': How'd you know he's a vampire?
:'''Grampa''': He's a vampire? ''[screams]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': We've got to do something! Today, he's drinking people's blood - tomorrow, he could be smoking!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Simpsons arrive at Mr. Burns's crypt. Homer opens his casket and is ready to stake him.]
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Take that, vile fiend! ''[starts staking Burns repeatedly]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Uh, dad? That's his crotch.
:'''Homer''': Oh.. sorry. ''[puts stake to his heart]'' BAH''!!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[screams]''
:''[He quivers then stops and melts into mold]''
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' Aah...
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[comes back to life]'' YOU'RE FIRED!!! ''[melts into mold and dies again]''
:'''Homer''': D'OH!

===''[[w:Marge on the Lam|Marge on the Lam]]''===
:'''Rescue Worker 1''': Homer, this is never easy to say, I'm going have to saw your arms off.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': They'll grow back, right?
:'''Rescue Worker''': Oh...yeah.
:'''Homer''': Whew.
:''[the rescue worker starts the rotary saw and moves it toward Homer's arm]''
:'''Rescue Worker 2''': Homer, are you just holding on to the can?
:'''Homer''': Your point being?
:''[Homer leaves with everyone laughing at him]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': You're absolutely right, Homer. We don't need a babysitter.
:'''Homer''': ''[suspicious]'' Wait a second... ''[pulls a card from his pocket: &quot;ALWAYS DO OPPOSITE OF WHAT BART SAYS&quot;]'' Hmm...you kids ''do'' need a babysitter.
:'''Bart''': Blast that infernal card! ''[to Homer]'' ''Don't'' give that card to me.
:'''Homer''': Here you g-- ''[pulls back]'' No!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, when I couldn't help but overhear you are in need of a babysitter. Now, as a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.
:'''Homer''': We pay $8.00 for the night and you can take two Popsicles out of the freezer.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Three.
:'''Homer''': Two.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Okay, two, and I get to keep this old birdcage.
:'''Homer''': Done.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[to himself]'' Still got it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(as Ruth and Marge are taking in the breathtaking view of Springfield)''
:'''Ruth Powers''': Look. You can see our houses.
:'''Marge''': Hmm. There's an awful lot of black smoke coming from my chimney.
:''(cut to the Simpsons living room. Lionel Hutz is throwing piles of his personal effects into the fireplace while Bart and Lisa watch)''
:'''Lisa''': Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. ''(cheerfully)'': Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart and Lisa wake up the next day on the couch]''
:'''Bart''': Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home yet.
:'''Lisa''': Don't worry. Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us.
:''[Lisa budges Lionel Hutz awake. He growls menacingly and brandishes a knife]''
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[defensively]'' Don't touch my stuff! ''[realizes that he just scared Bart, Lisa, and Maggie; sheepishly, as he sits on the couch with a confused expression on his face]'' H-Hey, this isn't the YMCA.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(Dragnet-style epilogue of what happened to everyone involved in the episode)''
:'''Narrator''': Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced him to pay all back child support. Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, A.K.A. Miguel Sanchez, A.K.A., Dr. Nguyen van Thuoc, was paid $8 for his 32 hours of babysitting, he was glad to get it. Marge Simpson was charged with the violation of penal code section 618A: Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans. She was ordered to pay 50 cents to replace the cans and $2000 in punitive damage and mental anguish. Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing.
:'''Homer''': Woohoo!

===''[[w:Bart's Inner Child|Bart's Inner Child]]''===
:'''Homer''': Oh no you don't! That trampoline is mine! ''[crashes into the other car]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[as the trampoline jumps on him repeatedly onto a cliff]'' If this were a cartoon, the cliff would break off now. ''[dissolves to nighttime]'' I'm thirsty. ''[This causes the cliff to break, and fall off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Troy McClure|Troy McClure]]''': Hi! I'm Troy McClure!
:'''Brad Goodman''': And I'm Brad Goodman.
:'''[[w:Troy McClure|Troy McClure]]''': You might remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid!'
:'''Brad Goodman''': And you know me about such-help videos.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Brad Goodman''': I want you all to close your eyes and listen to your inner child. Listen, what's he saying?
:'''Ned's Inner Child''': Stay on the course big Ned, you're doing super! ''[Ned smiles]''
:'''Homer's Inner Child''': ''[points to his mouth]'' Food goes in here.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': It sure does.
:'''Moe's Inner Child''': ''[in Italian accent]'' Hey-a Moe, what's-tha mattah? Ya no talking wit ya accent-a no more.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': ''[slaps face]'' ''Mamma mia!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': A new mood is in the air in Springfield as refreshing as a moistened towelette. Folks are finally accepting their feelings and freely communicating with no holding back. And this reporter thinks it's about ''[beep]''ing time! Of course all these good feelings can be traced to one feisty little scamp who taught us that if it feels good, do it! ''[squirts whipped cream into his mouth]''
:'''Bart''': Lis, today I am a God.
:'''Lisa''': Is that why you're sitting on an ice cream sandwich?
:'''Bart''': Ewww...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': And I'm really enjoying this so called... iced cream!
:'''Smithers''': Sir, in the spirit of the festival and everything, I'd just like to say that.... I... love you.
:'''Burns''': Hm?
:'''Smithers''': In those colors! ''[to himself]'' Oh, who am I kidding? The boathouse was the time!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Skinner''': Darn! They're very slowly getting away!
:'''Moe''': Looks like they're headed for the old mill!
:'''Principal Skinner''': No they're not.
:'''Moe''': Well, let's go to the old mill anyway! Get some cider!

===''[[w:Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood|Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood]]''===
:'''Bart''': Aw man, how are we supposed to kill the rest of the afternoon?
:'''Hobo''': You mustn't kill time boys, you must cherish it, seize the day. Can I have some change to go get me loaded?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milhouse''': Hey, don't bogart that Squishee! ''[Barney chugs junkie]''
:'''Barney''': I dunno where you magic pixies came from, but I like your pixie drink.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals, except the [[w:weasel|weasel]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Milhouse Van Houten|Milhouse]]''': You're lucky. You only joined the Junior Campers. I got a dirty word shaved into the back of my head.
:''[Skinner walks by and stops when he sees the unseen &quot;dirty word&quot; in the back of Milhouse's head.]''
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': What is it with you boys and that word? ''[grabs Milhouse]'' I'm going to shave you bald, young man, until you learn that hair is not a right, it's a privilege.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[While looking for a peanut under the couch, Homer pulls out a 20 dollar bill]''
:'''Homer''': Awww, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut.
:'''Homer's Brain''': Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
:'''Homer''': Explain how!
:'''Homer's Brain''': Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
:'''Homer''': Woo-hoo!
:''[Homer starts running to the door, slips on the peanut he was looking for, and drops the money]''
:'''Homer''': D'OH!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Ya see anything yet?
:'''Lou''': Nothing captain, someone took all the beer and cold cuts.
:'''Wiggum''': Oh, that's it. I'm not even casting off until we go to the store.

===''[[w:The Last Temptation of Homer|The Last Temptation of Homer]]''===
:''[first lines]''
:'''Bart''': The beauty of it is, each parking space is a mere one foot narrower indistinguishable to the naked eye but therein lies the game!
:'''Milhouse''': I fear to watch! I cannot turn away!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Charlie is explaining to Mr., Burns about the gas leak]''
:'''Charlie''': Well, sir, I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous escape, but we desperately need a real emergency exit.
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Why, that's a fabulous idea. Anything else you'd like? How about real lead in the radiation shields? Urinal cakes, maybe? ''[hands Smithers a notebook]'' Smithers, throw this at him. ''[Smithers throws the book at Charlie. Mr. Burns right hand reaches under his desk and presses a button. A tube covers Charlie and sucks him upwards]'' Smithers, where does that tube go?
:'''[[w:Waylon Smithers|Smithers]]''': I'm not sure, sir; it was here when we moved in.
:''[Charlie then finds himself in an unnamed foreign country inhabited by cackling men wearing turbans. He is forced to dance to sitar music.]''
:'''Men''': Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! ''[Charlie does so. The men start ululating maniacally]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Department of Labor Agent''': This plant violates ''every'' labor law in the book! We found a missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core!
:'''Mr. Burns''': That plane crashed on ''my'' property!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Moe, I need your advice.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': Yeah?
:'''Homer''': You see, I have this friend named Joey Joe Joe...Junior...Shabadoo.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': Homer, that's the worst name I've ever heard. ''[a man in the bar runs out, crying]''
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': Hey, Joey Joe Joe!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[seeing the White House with Colonel Klink]'' Marge lives here?
:'''Man''': ''[voice only]'' Madam President, your approval rating is soar. ''[Marge murmurs]''
:'''Colonel Klink''': ''[sing-songy]'' This dream is over! ''[pops, Homer sends back in the phone booth]''
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[sees Homer stuck in the phone booth being knocked over]'' Hey, You! Get Out Of My Office!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[An alarm starts blaring at the power plant]''
:'''Smithers''': Someone is charging room service to the company, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well we'll just see about that! ''[uncovers a cage hold several winged monkeys]'' [[w:The Wizard of Oz|Fly, my pretties! Fly!]] ''[the monkeys leap out of the window, only to plummet to their deaths]'' Oh...''[to Smithers]'' Continue the research.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[to bullies in his normal self]'' Gentlemen, the nerd you knew is dead. Beat me, and you will be beating one of your own.
:'''Kearney''': Whatever! ''[they beat Bart anyway]''

===''[[w:$pringfield (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)|$pringfield (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)]]''===
:''[Homer puts on a pair of horn-rimmed glasses he finds floating in a toilet bowl.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': [[The Wizard of Oz|The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.]]
:'''Man in stall''': [[w: Pythagorean theorem|That's a ''right'' triangle]], ya idiot!
:'''Homer''': D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': Thank you for visiting our plant, Dr. Kissinger.
:'''[[Henry Kissinger]]''': It was fun.
:'''Smithers''': We'll let you know if your glasses turn up.
:'''[[Henry Kissinger]]''': Yes well, I'm sure I left them in the car. ''[thinking]'' No one must know I dropped them in the toilet. Not I, the man who drafted the [[w:Paris Peace Accords|Paris Peace Accords]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Scott, things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the Unemployment Office, joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors... now at the risk of sounding unpopular, this reporter places the blame for all of this squarely on you ''[pointing at the camera]'' the viewers!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor; and it's time to free your mother from his neon claws.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Krusty''': I don't wanna get a ''sore'' spot, but can we talk about herpes? Herpes, herpes, bo-berpes, banana fana fo-ferpes! Herpes, OH!! Hey! Y'know [[w:Port-wine stain| that spot]] on [[w:Mikhail Gorbachev|Gorbachev's]] head? Herpes, trust me! Anybody here have herpes? Huh? Huh? You people are the worst audience I've ever seen!
:'''Man in Audience''': Yeah, well you're the worse comedian WE'VE ever seen!
:'''Krusty''': Great! Then we'll just sit here silently for the next 90 minutes!
:'''Man in Audience''': Fine with us! ''[Krusty then sits down on stage in dismay]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Smithers''': I'm afraid Robert Goulet hasn't arrived yet, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Very well, begin the thawing of Jim Nabors.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Smithers''': Excuse me, ma'am, don't you think you've gambled enough?
:'''Marge''': No.
:'''Smithers''': Okay. We're required by law to ask every 75 hours. Get her another free drink.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart brings Robert Goulet to his treehouse casino]''
:'''[[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]]''': Are you sure this is the place? I think I should call my manager.
:'''Nelson Muntz''': Your manager says for you to shut up!
:'''Goulet''': ''[surprised]'' Vera said that?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[grabbing Marge]'' Yer gotta redda kid forrad yarrar!
:'''Marge''': Homer, what is it? Slow down!
:'''Homer''': ''[slowly, but still furious]'' J'yer gedda ferda redderarrar.
:'''Marge''': Think before you say each word.
:'''Homer''': You broke a promise to your child.
:'''Marge''': What?
:'''Homer''': You promised Lisa to help her with her costume. You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed -- she's such a little trooper.

===''[[w:Homer the Vigilante|Homer the Vigilante]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': ''[horrified]'' The burglar even took my stamp collection!
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': ''[amused]'' ''You'' had a stamp collection?
:''[The family all laugh at Bart, and the phone rings. Bart answers it.]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': ''[on the phone]'' Stamp collection? Ha-ha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?
:'''[[w:Professor|Professor]]''': Mmm, yes I would, Kent.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that.

===''[[w:Bart Gets Famous|Bart Gets Famous]]''===
:''[Marge convinces Bart to perform one more time.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': You're right, Mom. I shouldn't let this bother me. I'm in television now. It's my job to be repetitive. My job. My job. Repetitiveness is my job. ''[to Marge]'' I'm gonna go out there and give the best performance of my life!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': The best performance of your life?
:'''Bart''': The best performance of my life!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': ''[to Bart]'' And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[breaking a lamp]'' D'oh!
:'''Bart''': Ay, caramba!
:'''Marge''': ''[groans]''
:'''[[w:Maggie Simpson|Maggie]]''': ''[sucks her pacifier]''
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Flanders]]''': Hi-dilly-ho!
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': ''[belches]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Ha, ha!
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Excellent.
:''[Long pause. Everyone looks expectantly at Lisa.]
:'''Lisa''': If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room. [She walks away.]
:'''Homer''': What kind of catchphrase is that?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I'm telling you, I do work on the Krusty show. Look at the Credits! [presses &quot;play&quot;]
:'''Krusty''': Bye bye, kids! ''[laughs]'' ''[credits roll, then after a few seconds they are squeezed for a news promo]''
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': I'm Kent Brockman. On the 11:00 news tonight, a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal. We won't tell you which one after sports and the weather with Funny Sonny Storm.
:'''Bart''': ''[Pausing the tape and pointing to his name on the screen]'' There's my name, right here, Bart Simpson.
:'''[[w:Milhouse Van Houten|Milhouse]]''': Looks more like Brad Storch.
:'''[[w:Martin Prince|Martin]]''': No, it says Betty. Betty Symington.
:'''[[Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': ''[Punching Bart in the stomach]'' That's for taking credit for other people's work.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[Reading news script]'' 'Tragic news tonight: a tidal wave in Kuala'... 'la'- la.... 'Pur'... 'Lam-pur'... France.
:''[Bart pops up and steals Kent's Danish.]''
:'''Bart''': Yoink!
:'''Kent Brockman''': Yoink? ''[After finding out his Danish is gone]'' [gasps]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[Shuffling his papers]'' Yeah, I know I'm on. But I don't care. I don't read the news until I get my Danish. Go ahead, try to find a replacement.
:'''Bumbleebee Man''': ''[Pushing Kent off the chair and sitting on it]'' [clearing throat] 'A powerful tidal wave in Kuala Lumpur has killed 120 people.' Ay Chihuahua! Whoa, whoa, whoa! ''[Loses balance and falls over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Announcer''': And now it's time for &quot;Match Game 2034&quot;, with [[Billy Crystal]]!
:'''Billy''': Hi!
:'''Announcer''': [[Farrah Fawcett|Farah Fawcett-Majors-O'Neal-Varney]]!
:'''Farah''': ''[Grunts]''
:'''Announcer''': The &quot;I didn't do it&quot; boy!
:'''Bart''': ''[Grunts]''
:'''Announcer:''': Ventriloquist [[Loni Anderson]]!
:'''Loni''': ''[sighs]''
:'''Announcer''': [[Spike Lee]]!
:'''Spike''': Mmm.
:'''Announcer''': And the always lovely and vivacious head of Kitty Carlisle!
:'''Kitty''': Hi, everybody: let's start the game!

===''[[w:Homer and Apu|Homer and Apu]]''===
:''[Homer is eating expired meat he bought at the Kwik-E-Mart]''
:'''Homer''' ''[as his stomach grumbles]'': Ooh! Stomach...churning! ''[keeps eating the expired ham. His stomach grumbling gets more intense. Begins to double over]'': Bowels...clenching. Not much time. ''[falls off the couch, off-screen]'': Must finish! ''[eating sounds]''
:''[Cut to an ambulance speeding down the street]''
:''[Establishing shot of Springfield General Hospital. Cut to a sick Homer in a hospital bed with Marge, the kids, and Dr. Hibbert standing over him]''
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': Well, sir, Homer's illness was either caused by ingesting spoiled food or...''[chuckles]'': some sort of voodoo curse.
:''[whip pan to Patty and Selma with a purse]''
:'''Patty''': Hey! We've just been working the eyes. ''[Selma holds up a Homer-shaped voodoo doll with 12 needles (six on each eye) in his eyes]''
:''[some time later]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Your old meat made me sick!
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': Why, I'm so sorry. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp. ''[Homer picks up and sniffs a piece of shrimp]''
:'''Homer''': This shrimp isn't frozen – and it smells funny!
:'''Apu''': Okay, ten pounds.
:'''Homer''': Woo-hoo!
:''[Cut to the same ambulance as before speeding down the street]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': Good evening, here's an update on last week's nursing home exposé, &quot;Geezers in Freezers&quot; – it turns out the rest home ''was'' adequately heated; the footage you saw was of a fur-storage facility. We've also been told to apologize for using the term &quot;geezers&quot;. Now, coming up next, &quot;The Case of the Cantankerous Old Geezer.&quot;
:'''Homer''': ''[couch-ridden with salmonella]'' Oh... Urp! Rancid meat attack! Stupid parasites! Is there no way I can find justice?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent''': We've come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversized novelty hat. ''[puts hat on Homer, straining on pain]'' Now, go get us some incriminating footage. And remember: you have to get in and out for 10 minutes, or you suffer permanent neck damage.
:'''Man''': ''[neck horribly bent]'' He's not kiddin'.
:''[Homer walks towards the Kwik-E-Mart doors, swaying and weaving. Apu watches him, curious. Kent and others watch through the camera in the surveillance van]''
:'''Apu''': Huh?
:'''Homer''': Don't be alarmed, Apu. Just go about your daily routine like I'm not wearing the hat.
:'''Apu''': Your headgear seems to be emitting a buzzing noise, sir. Perhaps you have a bee in your bonnet.
:'''Homer''': Bee? Agh! Woo! Woo! Agh-agh-agghh! ''[Stomps on the hat and runs out. Homer returns to the van, gasping for air]''
:'''Kent''': Homer, that hat's been with the station for twenty years. He had one day left 'til retirement.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Apu is replenishing the hot dog roller, unaware the camera in the hat is filming him. He drops one on the floor, it rolls towards the hat, and we get a wretched close-up of the wiener]''
:'''Apu''': Oh, it is encrusted with filth. ''[blows it]'' Oh, well, let's sell it anyway. Now this is just between me and you, smashed hat. ''[he winks right into the camera]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Apu, if I've learned anything, it's that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Apu''': That ''[the Kwik-E-Mart]'' is the sight of my spiritual de-pantsing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Apu are flying over the Himalayas]''
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No.
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No.
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No.
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No. Oh wait... Now we are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Apu''': He is the benevolent, enlightened president and CEO of Kwik-E-Mart – and in Ohio, Stop-O-Mart. ''[CEO slurps his Squishee]'' He is the one I must ask to get my job back.
:'''CEO''': Approach, my sons.
:''[Homer and Apu approach the CEO's meditation point]''
:'''CEO''': You may ask me three questions.
:'''Apu''': That's great, because I only need one.
:'''Homer''': ''[interrupting]'' Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
:'''CEO''': Yes.
:'''Homer''': Really?
:'''CEO''': Yes.
:'''Homer''': You?
:'''CEO''': Yes. I hope this has been enlightening for you.
:'''Apu''': But – I must—
:'''CEO''': Thank you, come again.
:'''Apu''': But—
:'''CEO''': Thank you, come again.
:''[Homer and Apu leave the convenient store]''
:'''Homer''': Well, that was a big bust. Is he ''really'' the head of the Kwik-E-Mart? ''[Apu growls, reaches towards Homer]'' No need to apologize, Apu – it was as much my fault as it was yours. ''[Apu pounces and strangles Homer]'' Okay, Apu ... I accept your apology! ''[both fight, topple off the path and fall down the mountain side]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[James Woods]]''': Apu, you saved my life. And as a small token of my appreciation, I got you your job back at the Kwik-E-Mart.
:'''Apu''': Oh! Oh, Mr. Woods, you're--
:'''Woods''': But as for me, I'm off to battle aliens on a faraway planet.
:'''Marge''': That sounds like a good movie.
:'''Woods''': Yes... yes, a... a movie, yes.

===''[[w:Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy|Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy]]''===
:''[Homer is buttering a muffin that he got out of an E-Z Bake Oven as he's driving]''
:'''Marge''': Mmm, I don't know if that's a good idea to do while you're driving.
:'''Homer''': Marge, that's what I bought it for.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Thanks for buying us these toys, Grampa.
:'''Grampa Simpson''' ''[dismissive]'': Bah! Why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows ''[as Lisa becomes sad]'': or a nice pipe organ? ''[whining]'': I'm thirsty. Ooh, what smells like mustard? ''[The Simpsons continue driving, ignoring Grampa as he continues complaining]'': There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. ''[Homer turns the car into the driveway as Grampa points]'': Ooh! Lookit that one! ''[overhead shot of everyone [except Grampa] fleeing the car and running inside the house]'': Oh, my glaucoma just got worse! The President is a Demmycrat! ''[plaintive]'': Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt! Hello! ''[honks car horn, despite being in the backseat and allegedly not being able to unbuckle his seat belt]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Malibu Stacy Doll''': Don't ask me. I'm just a girl! Ha ha, ha ha!
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Right on, say it, sister.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': It's not funny, Bart. Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act - that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goal in life is to look pretty, land a rich husband, and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends talkin' about how damned terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!
:'''Bart''': Just what I was gonna say.
:''[Lisa angrily throws the doll out the living room window. Cut to Grampa Simpson riding a bike down the street]''
:'''Grampa Simpson''': Look at me! I'm acting young!
:''[The doll gets caught in the spokes of the bicycle. Grampa Simpson flies off screaming past a blur of colors until he lands in an open grave at a cemetery. Two grave diggers having lunch turn around to see what the commotion is, then resume eating]''
:'''Grampa Simpson''': ''[from inside the grave]'' Hey, this ain't so bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lisa pressures Stacy Lovell about Malibu Stacy.]
:'''Stacy''': I see exactly what you mean; this is a problem. But what do you expect me to do?
:'''Lisa''': Change what she says. It's your company.
:'''Stacy''': Not since I was forced out in 1974. They said my way of thinking just wasn't cost effective.
:'''Lisa''': ''[gasps]'' That's awful.
:'''Stacy''': Well, that and I was funneling profits to the Viet Cong.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Smithers turns on his computer, its boot screen displays a computerized version of Mr. Burns]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Hello, Smithers. You're. Quite. Good. At. Turning. Me. On.
:'''Smithers''': Uh, you probably should ignore that.

===''[[w:Deep Space Homer|Deep Space Homer]]''===
:'''[[w:Montgomery Burns|Burns]]''': Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season! And remember: a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya. ''[Smithers whispers to him]'' Hmm?... What?... Oh, and by that I mean, of course, it's time for the &quot;Worker of the Week Award&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stillwater''': People, we're in danger of losing our funding.  America isn't interested in space exploration anymore.
:'''Babcock''': Maybe we should finally tell them the big secret, that all the [[w:Chimpanzee|chimps]] we sent into space came back super intelligent.
:''[A chair swivels around, revealing a chimp in a suit, wearing glasses, and smoking a pipe.]''
:'''Chimp''': ''[English accent]'' No, I don't think we'll be telling them that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Reporter''': Uh, question for the barbecue chef: Don't you think there is an inherent danger in sending underqualified civilians into space?
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': I'll field this one. The only danger is if they send us to that terrible [[Planet of the Apes (1968 film)|Planet of the Apes]]. ''[thinks for a moment]'' Wait a minute... [[w:Statue of Liberty|Statue of Liberty]]... THAT WAS [[Earth|''OUR'' PLANET]]! '''YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP!''' DAMN YOU! '''DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''NASA Technician''': ''[counting down to launch]'' Three... Two... One... MAKE ROCKET GO NOW!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent''': We're just about to get our first pictures from inside the spacecraft with &quot;average-naut&quot; Homer Simpson, and we'd like to...
:''[an ant floats past the screen]''
:'''Kent''': Ahhhh!
:'''Simpsons family''': AHHHHHHHH!
:''[the picture breaks up]''
:'''Kent''': Folks, we just lost the picture, but...what we've seen...speaks for itself.  The spacecraft has apparently been taken over – &quot;conquered&quot; if you will – by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain. There is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barney''': It begins!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer has sent potato chips loose in zero gravity]''
:'''[[Buzz Aldrin]]''': Careful, they're ruffled!

===''[[w:Homer Loves Flanders|Homer Loves Flanders]]''===
:''[Ned has just offered Homer tickets to the game]''
:'''Homer''': Why do you mock me, Lord?
:'''Marge''': Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle Bart threw up there
:''[Marge knocks it down]''
:'''Homer''': I know I shouldn't eat thee but... ''[does it anyway]'' Mmmm, sacralicious.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lenny and Carl see Homer and Ned drive by, but Homer buries Ned's head out of view so they don't see him with Flanders]''
:'''Homer''': Hi!
:'''Lenny''': Hey, look! Homer's got one of those robot cars!
:''[The car crashes off-screen due to Homer pushing Ned's head down]''
:'''Carl''': ...One of those ''American'' robot cars.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Burns talking to football players before the game]''
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because... I crippled him myself to inspire you.
:''[Cuts to Milhouse lying in a hospital bed with a broken leg and his parents at his side.]''
:'''[[w:Milhouse Van Houten|Milhouse]]''': I hope they win or Mr. Burns said he's coming back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Quimby''': I'll take two dogs, two sodas... and, uh, two ice cream bars. ''[as they are passed along the row towards him, Homer snatches two bites from his dogs]'' What the hell happened to my dogs? I want answers.
:'''Homer''': Well, I guess I should pay my share.
:'''Ned''': ''[chuckling]'' Relax, Homer. I keep telling you. You're my guest.
:'''Homer''': Ooh, you brought me a nacho hat! Thanks, Ned. ''[dips a nacho in it, then eats it, singing]'' Nacho, nacho man, I want to be a nacho man.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rod''': Lies make Baby Jesus cry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lovejoy''': Now let us bow our heads in a silent prayer of Thanksgiving. ''[all the churchgoers do so. Homer is breathing through his nose, which gets louder with each breath, annoying Ned]''
:'''Ned''': ''[furiously and annoyed]'' '''STOP IT!!! BREATHE THROUGH YOUR ''DAMN'' MOUTH!''' ''[Lovejoy and the churchgoers gasp]'' Oh, can't you see this man's not a hero!? He's annoying! He's very, very annoying!
:'''Helen''': Well, Ned's just jealous!
:'''Moe''': The man's hepped up on goofballs!
:'''Abe''': Let's sacrifice him to our ''God!'' We did it all the time in the 30's.

===''[[w:Bart Gets an Elephant|Bart Gets an Elephant]]''===
:''[Homer, Bart, and Lisa discuss their plans after breakfast.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': After breakfast, me and Milhouse are going down to the ravine. We got a tip from a five-year-old that there's a dead Martian down there.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': And I'm going to jam with the Little White Girls Blues Quartet. ''[to Homer]:'' Wanna come with me, Daddy-o?
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Sorry, honey. I'd love to, but Daddy has to go to a beer-drinking contest.
:'''Bart''': Think you'll win?
:'''Homer''': Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': What's the point of all this cleaning?! Are we so vain?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Moe''': Hey Clinton, get back to work!
:'''[[Bill Clinton]]''': Make me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''': Hey, they're playing the elephant song!
:'''Jasper''': I love that. Reminds me of elephants.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': So isn't that what we're all asking in our own lives – &quot;Where's my elephant?&quot; I know that's what I've been asking.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[rides on Stampy]'' Ha-ha! Smithers, this reminds me of that fat man I used to ride to work!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Look at this, Marge: $58 and all of it profit! I'm the smartest businessman in the world.
:'''Marge''': Stampy's food bill today was $300.
:'''Homer''': ''[scared]'' Marge, please, don't humiliate me in front of the money.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Mr. Blackheart?
:'''Mr. Blackheart''': Yes, my pretty?
:'''Lisa''': Are you an ivory dealer?
:'''Mr. Blackheart''': ''[chuckles]'' Little girl, I've had lots of jobs in my day: Whale hunter, seal clubber, president of the Fox network ... and like most people, yeah, I've dealt a little ivory.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ned Flanders''': Look! It's the four elephants of the Apocalypse!
:'''Maude''': That's &quot;Horsemen,&quot; Ned.
:'''Ned''': Well, getting closer. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': He took Bart too?! ''[yells out the window]'' THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL BLACKHEART! THAT. WASN'T. PAAAAART!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At Springfield Police Station]''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, right, lady: an elephant ran through your front yard. OK. [goes to another line] Wiggum...yeah, right, mister, mm hm. An elephant just knocked over your mailbox. OK. [goes to another line] Wiggum...Yeah, right, buddy, liquor store robbery, officer down. Sure...and I'm Edward G. Robinson!

===''[[w:Burns' Heir|Burns' Heir]]''===
:'''Smithers''': I got a mink chamois, sir. I hope it-- ''[gasp]'' Oh, my God, Mr. Burns is dead! Aw! Why do the good always die so young?
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[emerges, strangles Smithers]'' You almost killed me!
:'''Smithers''': Please, sir... ''[places towel on Burns' shoulders]'' you'll catch..cold.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milhouse''': I have nothing to offer you but my love.
:'''Mr. Burns''': I specifically said ''no geeks''!
:'''Milhouse''': ''[dejected]'' But my mom says I'm cool...
:'''Mr. Burns''': Next!
:'''Nelson Muntz''': Give me your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in!
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ooh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list.
:'''Martin Prince''': ''[Singing]'' ''[[w:The Trolley Song|Clang, clang, clang went the trolley! Ring, ring, ring went the bell! Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings]]--''
:''[Nelson runs onto the stage and cold cocks him. Martin collapses.]'' 
:'''Mr. Burns''': Thank you. Give the bully an extra point.
:'''Lisa''': ''[clears throat]'' I propose to you that your heir not need be a boy. In this [[wikt:phallocentric|phallocentric]] society of ours -
:'''Mr Burns''': I don't know what 'phallocentric' means, but ''no girls''!
:'''Milhouse''': ''[offstage, in a dress and wig]'' So much for Plan B.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[a stone suddenly crashes through Burns' library glass window, landing at his feet]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, look. A bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.
:'''Smithers''': I think it is a rock, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': We'll see what the lab has to say about that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Bart smashes up Burns' residence in anger for not being chosen as the heir, smashing windows and decapitating statues'']
:'''Mr. Burns''': Heh heh, look, Smithers -- a creature of pure malevolence. He's the perfect one to suckle at my proverbial teat. ''[opens window]'' [[A Christmas Carol|You there, boy!  What day is this?]]
:'''Boy''': ''[with an exaggerated [[w:Cockney accent|Cockney accent]]]'' Today, sir? Why, it's Christmas Day!
:'''Mr. Burns''': I was talking to ''him''. [''points at Bart''] You!  What day is this?
:'''Bart''': Huh?
:'''Mr. Burns''': I'll tell you what day this is: today is the day you become my heir!
:[''Bart throws a rock which hits Smithers in the head'']
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ooh, I like him a lot.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Simpsons family are eating dinner, Bart throws peas at Lisa]''
:'''Lisa''': Hey! Mom, Bart's throwing peas! 
:'''Marge''': Bart, don't throw peas at your sister.
:'''Bart''': Mr. Burns throws peas at Smithers. ''[throws another peas at Lisa]''
:'''Lisa''': Ow! That was a big one!
:'''Marge''': Homer, say something.
:'''Homer''': Okay. Lisa, quit getting in the way of your wealthy brother's peas.
:'''Marge''': ''[groans]''
:'''Bart''': Oh, yuck. Meat loaf. My most hated of all loafs. ''[feeds his piece to SHL]''
:'''Homer''': ''[gasps]'' That was the end piece! ''[turns red in anger]'' That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog! ''[point upwards]'' Go to your room!  
:'''Bart''': No! This family stinks! Mr. Burns nurtures my destructive side. I'm suffocating here.
:'''Homer''': Bart, you listen!  
:'''Bart''': Oh, go eat some flowers! ''[tosses flowers at Homer]''
:'''Homer''': My secret shame.
:''[Bart storms out of his house, riding his bicycle]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Deprogrammer''': Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, your son has clearly been brainwashed by the evil and charismatic Mr. Burns.
:'''Marge''': Are you sure you can get him back for us?
:'''Deprogrammer''': Absolutely. I'm the one who successfully deprogrammed [[Jane Fonda]], you know.
:'''Marge''': What about [[w:Peter Fonda|Peter Fonda]]?
:'''Deprogrammer''': Oh, that was a heartbreaker. But I did get [[Paul McCartney]] out of [[w:Wings (band)|Wings]].
:'''Homer''': You idiot! He was the most talented one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart turns on his model train and it leaves the room]''
:'''Milhouse''': Where does it go?
:'''Bart''': I don't know, but it won't be back for three hours. One time it had snow on it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': People, that was all wrong! Homer Simpson doesn't say &quot;Boh&quot;, he says... [''Flips through a script to he gets to a page.''] Doh!
:''[The fake Homer and Marge take off their masks.]''
:'''British Fake Homer''': Sorry, M.B., but I'm having trouble with this character. Is he supposed to have some kind of neurological impairment like Rain Man or Awakenings. I mean, what the hell am I doing here?
:'''Fake Marge''': And this dialogue has none of the wit and sparkle of [[w:Murphy Brown|Murphy Brown]].
:'''Fake Lisa''': [''Takes off his mask and smokes his cigar''] Hey, you know we are getting into Golden Time.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yes well just get it right, or you'll be back doing [[w:Come Blow Your Horn|Come Blow Your Horn]] at the Westport Dinner Theatre.

===''[[w:Sweet Seymour Skinner's Badasssss Song|Sweet Seymour Skinner's Badasssss Song]]''===
:'''[[w:Springfield Elementary School#Superintendent Chalmers|Superintendent Chalmers]]''': Seymour? You're fired!
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': I'm sorry, di-did you just call me a liar?
:'''Superintendent Chalmers''': No, I said you were fired.
:'''Principal Skinner''': Oh. That's much worse.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Come on, Chalmie, you fired Skinner for less than this.
:'''Superintendent Chalmers''': Yeah, I did, but... Skinner really bugged me. Besides, the way America's public schools are sliding, they'll all be this way in a few months. I say, lay back and enjoy it, it's a hell of a toboggan ride.
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Ned]]''': ''[over PA]'' Well, cockly-doodly-doo, little buddies. Let's thank the Lord for another beautiful school day.
:'''Superintendent Chalmers''': Thank the Lor-- thank the Lord? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer. A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion. Simpson, you get your wish. Flanders is history!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Skinner''': Now I... I finally have time to do what I've always wanted: write the [[w:Great American Novel|Great American Novel]]. Mine is about [[w:Jurassic Park|a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques]]. I call it &quot;Billy and the Cloneasaurus.&quot;
:'''Apu''': Oh, you have got to be ''kidding'', sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done. And then you give it a title that nobody could ''possibly'' like! Didn't you think this through?...''[fade to later]''... was on the bestseller list for ''eighteen months!'' Every magazine cover had it...''[fade to later]''...most popular movies of all ''time'', sir! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?! ''[Skinner hangs his head in shame as Apu calms down]'' ...I mean, thank you, come again.

===''[[w:The Boy Who Knew Too Much|The Boy Who Knew Too Much]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Wow, that is the biggest Rice Krispie square I've ever seen! The rich sure know how to live.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[lowers a table out of the hotel window; then drops it]'' Got it, Barn?
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': ''[offscreen, below hotel]'' Got what? ''[table drops on his head]'' Ow!
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': You're stealing a table?
:'''Homer''': I'm not stealing it. Hotels expect you to take a few things. It's a souvenir!
:'''Principal Skinner''': Ah... Is that my necktie you're wearing?
:'''Homer''': Souvenir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scott Christian''': Let's go over to the county courthouse live to Kent Brockman.
:'''Kent Brockman''': —ockman, just outside the county courtroom where an argument about chowder has spilled over into the biggest trial in Springfield history. Behind these doors, a federal judge will ladle out steaming bowls of rich, creamy justice in a case the media have dubbed &quot;Beat-Up Waiter&quot;. ''[pfft]'' This reporter suggested &quot;[[Watergate scandal|Waitergate]]&quot;, but was shouted down at the press club. Now, it's illegal to televise court proceedings in this state, ''[whispers]'' so we'll have to be quiet. ''[courtroom doors close in his face]'' Dooh—!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Mom, what if there's a really bad, crummy guy who's going to jail, but I know he's innocent?
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Well, Bart, your Uncle Arthur used to have a saying: &quot;Shoot 'em all and let God sort them out.&quot; Unfortunately, one day he put his theory into practice. It took 75 Federal Marshals to bring him down. Now let's never speak of this again. ''[she then starts humming and dusting the TV]''
:'''Bart''': Mom, what if I can get this guy off the hook? Should I do it?
:'''Marge''': Honey, you should listen to your heart... and not the voices in your head, like a certain uncle did one gray December morn.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, my God... Someone's taken a bite out of the big Rice Krispie square! ...Oh, yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten, heh-heh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[reads the verdict paper]'' What does &quot;[[wiktionary:sequestered|sequestered]]&quot; mean?
:'''Skinner''': It means if we're deadlocked we'll be put up somewhere until we reach a decision.
:'''Homer''': What does &quot;[[wiktionary:deadlocked|deadlocked]]&quot; mean?
:'''Skinner''': It means the jury cannot reach a unanimous decision.
:'''Homer''': Uh-huh. And &quot;[[wiktionary:if|if]]&quot;?
:'''Skinner''': Conjunction meaning &quot;in the event that&quot; or &quot;on condition that&quot;.
:'''Homer''': So IF we cannot reach a decision, the jury will be DEADLOCKED, and then we'll be SEQUESTERED in the Springfield Palace Hotel.
:'''Patty''': That's not going to happen, Homer.
:'''Jasper''': Let's vote. My liver is failing.
:'''Homer''': Where we'll get free rooms, free food, free TV, free {{w|HBO}}, OOOH! [[Free Willy|FREE WILLY]]! ''[Skinner snatches paper from him]''
:'''Skinner''': Justice is not a frivolous thing, Simpson. It has little, if anything, to do with a disobedient whale. Now let's vote!
:'''Homer''': What are all of you voting?
:'''Everyone''': Guilty.
:'''Homer''': Uh-huh. How many S's in innocent?
:''[everyone else groans]''
:'''Homer''': Now I'm only doing what I think is right. I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart sees Skinner in the jury; Skinner thinks his thoughts to him]''
:'''Principal Skinner''': I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just a little reminder: If I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yeah, you heard me. I think words I would never say. ''[camera pans left to Homer]''
:'''Homer''': I know you can read ''my'' thoughts, boy. ''[sings {{w|Meow Mix}} jingle]'' ''Meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow.''

===''[[w:Lady Bouvier's Lover|Lady Bouvier's Lover]]''===
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Homer, you didn't do a very good job frosting Maggie's birthday cake.
:''[The cake reads, &quot;Happy Birthday Magaggie&quot;.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': What? It's not Magaggie's birthday?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': If he marries your mother, Marge, we'll be brother and sister! And then our kids... they'll be horrible freaks with pink skin, no overbites, and five fingers on each hand!
:''[Homer imagines his children as more realistic-looking humans, screams and runs from the room]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Bouvier''': Oh, Monty, I swear you're the devil himself.
:'''Mr. Burns''': I...Who told you?! ...Oh, ah, yes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': I specifically requested ''no'' romantic music! What…?
:'''Abraham Simpson''': ''[stops playing organ, trying to pounds the window]'' Mrs. Bouvier! Mrs. Bouvier! ''[Glass breaks, he falls to the church floor, saved Jacqueline]'' Mrs. Bouvier!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines as Grampa gets back together with Mrs. Bouvier in a bus]''
:'''Simon &amp; Garfunkel''': ''[voices only]'' ♪ ''Hello Grampa, my old friend'' ♪
:♪ ''Your busy day is at an end'' ♪ ''[the executive producers' names appear in darkness]''
:♪ ''Your exploits have been sad and boring'' ♪ ''[the credits begin playing]''
:♪ ''They tell a tale, that's worth ignoring'' ♪
:♪ ''When you're alone, the words of your story will echo down the rest home hall'' ♪
:♪ ''Cuz no one at all'' ♪
:♪ ''Can stand the sound of Grampa'' ♪
:'''Abraham Simpson''': ''[voice only, in credits]'' I first took a fancy to Mrs. Bouvier because her raspy voice reminded me of my old Victrola. Oh, it was a fine machine with a vulcanized rubber listening tube which you crammed in your ear! The tube would go in easy with some sort of lubricant like linseed oil or Dr. Shumway's... ''[the Gracie Films logo appears]'' Oops. I'm sorry!

===''[[w:Secrets of a Successful Marriage|Secrets of a Successful Marriage]]''===
:''[Homer and Marge are discussing ways for Homer to better himself.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oh... and how is &quot;''education''&quot; supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': That's because you were drunk!
:'''Homer''': And how.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': So, little Lisa, apple of my eye: how are things down at the old schoolhouse?
:'''Lisa''': I find this demeaning and embarrassing beyond my worst nightmares.
:'''Homer''': ''[hearty laughter]'' And how's my little major-leaguer?  Catch any junebugs today?
:'''Bart''': Oh, me and Milhouse took some mail from the mail truck and threw it down the sewer.
:'''Homer''': ''[with barely-concealed anger]'': Son, I know you meant well, but that wasn't the right thing to do.
:'''Bart''': What the hell are you talking about?  You're the one who double-dared us.
:'''Homer''': ''[explodes with anger]'': Why you little -- ''[strangles Bart]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Bart''': I'm outta here!
:'''Lisa''': Me too. 
:''[Bart and Lisa leave]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as Marge kicks out Homer's class -- and Homer]''
:'''Homer''': All right, we're breaking early tonight, class. For tomorrow, you should read pages seven to 18 in Lisa's diary.
:'''Marge''': You too.
:'''Homer''': Huh?
:'''Marge''': Get out!
:'''Homer''': But I'm not in a cla-
:''[Marge angrily pushes Homer onto the ground and slams the door, Otto puts his hand on Homer's shoulder]''
:'''Otto''': Uh, is any of this gonna be on the test? 'Cause I wasn't payin' attention.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[after Marge kicks him out of his house]'' Oh. Fine. If that's what you want, you've got it. ''[walks away from his house]'' This scene is gettin' old, man. I'm hittin' the road. Maybe I'll drop you a line someday from wherever I wind up in this crazy old world. ''[walks into the streets]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Oh, good. Reverend Lovejoy will make Marge take me back. He ''has'' to push the sanctity of marriage, or his god will punish him!
:''[Immediate cut to Reverend and Mrs. Lovejoy talking with Marge in the living room.]''
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': ''[flatly]'' Get a divorce.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Helen Lovejoy|Helen Lovejoy]]''': Mmm-hmm.
:'''Marge''': But isn't that a sin?
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Marge, just about everything is a sin. You ever sat down and read [[The Bible|this thing]]? Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 05}}
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      <text bytes="68856" sha1="my9zrd4ljygbal44yeas6rkmg1yrxy0" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Simpsons''/Season 5}}
{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

===''[[w:Homer's Barbershop Quartet|Homer's Barbershop Quartet]]''===
:'''Bart''': Dad, when did you record an album?
:'''Homer''': I'm surprised you don't remember, son. It was only 8 years ago.
:'''Bart''': Dad, thanks to television I can't remember what happened 8 minutes ago.
:''[all Simpsons but Bart start laughing]''
:'''Bart''': No really, I can't, it's a serious problem!
:''[everyone laughs again, and Bart finally relents and laughs too]''
:'''Bart''': What're we all laughing about?
:'''Homer''': Who cares?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barney''': David Crosby? You're my hero!
:'''[[David Crosby]]''': Oh, you like my music?
:'''Barney''': You're a musician?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After the Grammy Awards...]''
:'''Homer''': ''Then came to the greatest thrill of my life.''
:'''[[George Harrison]]''': Hello, Homer, I'm George Harrison.
:'''Homer''': Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Where did you get that brownie?
:'''Harrison''': Over there. There's a big pile of 'em.
:'''Homer''': ''[walks over to the brownies and wolfs down a whole bunch]'' Oh, man.
:'''Harrison''': ''[completely sincere]'' Well, what a nice fellow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Be Sharps are going through hard times.]''
:'''Homer, Skinner, and Apu''': ''[singing tiredly]'' ''For all the latest medical poop''
:''Call Surgeon General [[C. Everett Koop]]''
:''Koop Koop-a-doop''
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': ''[to Homer]'' This is worse than your song about [[Mr. T]].
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': I pity the fool who doesn't like... he. And where's Barney?
:'''Principal Skinner''': Oh, he's with [[Yoko Ono|his new girlfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist]].
:''[Barney and his girlfriend walk in, and Barney inserts a demo tape into a recorder]''
:'''Barney''': Barbershop is in danger of growing stale. I'm taking it to strange new places.
:''[On the recorder]''
:'''Barney's Girlfriend''': [[w:Revolution 9|Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'' Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'' Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'']]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[during the closing credits]'' I'd like to thank you on behalf of the group, and I hope we passed the audition. ''[Everyone laughs, including Barney. After the laughter dies down]''
:'''Barney''': I don't get it.

===''[[w:Cape Feare|Cape Feare]]''===

:''[after seeing an episode of ''Up Late with McBain'', where Rainier Wolfcastle gets booed for his homophobic joke about Scoey's outfit]''
:'''Bart''' ''[disgusted]'': This is ''horrible''!
:'''Lisa''' ''[disappointed, but not surprised]'': The FOX network has sunk to a new low.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa and Bart''': AAAH! SIDESHOW BOB!
:'''Bart''': ''You'' wrote me those letters!
:'''Marge''': You awful man! Stay away from my son!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': ''[menacing]'' Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right! Stay away... FOREVER!
:'''Homer''': Oh no!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': Wait a minute. That's no good. ''[walks away, then runs back]'' Wait, I've got a good one now! Marge, say &quot;stay away from my son&quot; again.
:'''Marge''': No!
:''[Sideshow Bob grumbles and walks away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Blue-Haired Lawyer|Blue-Haired Lawyer]]''': But what about that tattoo on your chest?  Doesn't it say, &quot;Die Bart, Die?&quot;
:'''Sideshow Bob''': No, that's German for &quot;The Bart, The.&quot;
:'''Juror''': No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Now Sideshow Bob can't get in without me knowing. And once a man is in your home, anything you do to him is nice and ''[winks]'' legal.
:'''Homer''': Is that so? ''[yells out kitchen window]'' Oh, Flanders? Won't you join me in my kitchen? ''[Ned turns off the hose. Homer stands on the wall next to the kitchen arch, preparing to strike Flanders]'' Heh-heh-heh-heh...
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Uh, it doesn't work when you invite 'em.
:'''Ned''': Hidilly-hey!
:'''Homer''': Go home.
:'''Ned''': Toodledy-do!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer has hired a detective to take care of Sideshow Bob]''
:'''Detective''': Now, don't you fret. When I'm through, he won't set foot in this town again. I can be very, ''very'' persuasive. ''[Holsters a gun]''
:''[Detective is at a bar with Sideshow Bob]''
:'''Detective''': ''[whining]'' C'mon, leave town!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': No.
:'''Detective''': I'll be your friend!
:'''Sideshow Bob''': No.
:'''Detective''': Oh, you're mean!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Simpsons are being placed in the Federal Witness Protection Program]''
:'''FBI Agent #1''': Tell you what, sir, from now on, you'll be Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit, hmm? When I say &quot;hello, Mr. Thompson&quot;, you'll say &quot;hi&quot;.
:'''Homer''': Check!
:'''FBI Agent #1''': Hello, Mr. Thompson. ''[Homer doesn't respond and stares blankly]'' Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
:'''Homer''': I gotcha.
:'''FBI Agent #1''': Hello, Mr. Thompson.
:''[again Homer doesn’t respond and stares blankly. The FBI agents exchange looks]''
:''[hours pass by]''
:'''FBI Agent #1''': ''[frustrated]'' Argh... Now when I say &quot;hello, Mr. Thompson&quot; and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
:'''Homer''': No problem.
:'''FBI Agent #1''': ''[stepping hard on Homer's foot]'' Hello, Mr. Thompson.
:'''Homer''': ''[still doesn't respond and stares blankly again for a few seconds, then whispers to the other FBI agent]'' I think he's talking to you.
:''[the FBI agent facepalms]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer busts into Bart's room at night with glowing eyes and a knife]''
:'''Homer''': '''BART DO YOU WANT SOME BROWNIES BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?!'''
:''[Bart screams]''
:''[Homer switches back to normal, holding a brownie tray]''
:'''Homer''': Let me cut you a brownie while they're still hot!
:'''Bart''': Dad, I'm kind of edgy right now. I'd appreciate you not coming in my room screaming and brandishing a butcher's knife!
:'''Homer''': Why? ''[looks at the knife in his hand]'' Oh, right! The Sideshow Bob thing! I'm sorry, boy.
:''[Homer puts the knife down, kisses Bart gently on the forehead, and walks out of the room. Bart turns over to go to sleep and Homer busts back in.]''
:'''Homer''': '''BART YOU WANNA SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK?!''' ''[stands over Bart revving the chainsaw]''
:''[Bart screams louder]''
:''[Homer returns to normal]''
:'''Homer''': Oh, sorry! What ''am'' I thinking?
:''[Homer kisses Bart on the forehead and walks out of the room]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob. You're under arrest.
:'''Sideshow Bob''': ''[furious]'' '''''By Lucifer's beard!'''''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Uh, yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Bart''': Take 'im away, boys.
:'''Wiggum''': Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake 'im away, toys.
:'''Lou''': What'd you say, chief?
:'''Wiggum''': Do what the kid says.

===''[[w:Homer Goes to College|Homer Goes to College]]''===
:'''Female Intercom''': [''as the dog pulls the level to stop a meltdown''] Meltdown averted. Good boy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is sitting in a nuclear inspection van]''
:'''Male NRC agent''': Homer, this is an exact replica of your work station. 
:'''Homer''': Hm?
:'''Male NRC agent''': Now, we're going to simulate a power surge in core sector eight.
:'''Homer''': What the hell are you talking about? 
:''[The agents slam the door of the van shut, and slide open a peephole to watch Homer]''
:'''Homer''': ''[blubbering]'' What do I do? What do I do? In the name of God, you've gotta tell me!
:'''Male NRC agent''': Relax! It's just a simulator. Nothing can go wrong.
:'''Homer''': ''[to himself]'' Just poke blindly at the controls until they let you go.
:''[Homer shields his eyes and pushes random buttons, inexplicably causing a meltdown]''
:'''Male NRC agent''': No, no! This... can't be happening!
:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns run to an escape pod. Burns seals the door; Smithers desperately pounds on it]''
:'''Smithers''': For the love of God, sir, there are two seats!
:'''Mr Burns''': ''[reopens the door]'' I like to put my feet up.
:''[Homer emerges from the crater, glowing a radioactive green.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Raargh! Must... destroy... mankind! ''[his watch beeps]'' Ooh, lunchtime. ''[Homer shakes off the radiation and walks off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Male NRC agent''': I'm still not sure how he caused the meltdown.  There wasn't any nuclear material in the truck!
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, very well, it's time for your bribe. Now, you can either have the washer and dryer where the lovely Smithers is standing, or you can trade it all in for what's in this box.
:'''Male NRC agent''': The box, the box!
:'''Female NRC agent''': Look, Burns, this is a big problem. You can't just throw money at it and make it go away.
:''[Mayor Quimby appears, wearing a fur coat that still has the $5,000 price tag attached to it.]''
:'''[[w:Joe Quimby|Mayor Quimby]]''': Gentlemen, I've decided there will be, uh, no investigation. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go away. ''[departs]''
:'''Male NRC agent''': You're in big trouble, Burns. Homer Simpson's job requires college training in nuclear physics.  Now you get your man up to speed, or we'll be forced to take legal action.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Is that so? Well, I have a feeling you'll be... ''dropping'' the charges.
:''[Burns presses a button on his desk. A trapdoor opens a few feet behind the NRC agents, who stare at it in confusion.]''
:'''Smithers''': The painters moved your desk, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ah, yes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': You [Homer] must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon.
:'''Smithers''': Actually sir we found the Jade Monkey; it was in your glove compartment.
:'''Mr. Burns''': And the road maps and ice scraper?
:'''Smithers''': They were in there too sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Excellent, it's all falling into place.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer, Bart and the nerds have captured Sir Oinkcelot]''
:'''Homer''': Look! You pull its tail straight and it curls right back up again! ''[He begins pulling the pig's tail]'' Curly, straight! Curly, straight! Curly, straight! Curly, straight! ''[Sir Oinkcelot starts squealing in agony]''
:'''Doug''': Mr. Simpson, I don't think he likes that.
:'''Homer''': Of course he does! He's a cute little piggy! ''[Continues pulling Sir Oinkcelot's tail]'' Curly, straight! Curly, straight! ''[The pig viciously bites Homer on his hand]'' OW!! ''[turns red with anger]'' WHY YOU LITTLE...! ''[Homer lunges at Sir Oinkcelot, but Bart and the nerds restrain him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Hello, Dean? You're a stupid-head!
:'''Peterson''': ''[looks out the window]'' Homer, is that you?
:''[Homer screams and flees the payphone]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': YES! Take ''that'', Bitterman!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': [''sees Snake Jailbird''] Hey, that's not the wallet inspector.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Professor''': Good morning, and welcome to Nuclear Physics 101. I see a lot of new faces, but you know the old saying: &quot;Out with the old, in with the ''nucleus''&quot; ''[Every student in the class except Homer bursts out with laughter]'' Now, let's just get started on the- whoops. ''[He drops his lecture notes, this time Homer explodes with laughter]''
:'''Homer''': Oh, did you see that jerk! He dropped his notes! ''[Homer continues laughing obnoxiously loud]''

===''[[w:Rosebud (The Simpsons)|Rosebud]]''===
:'''Smithers''': Who's Bobo, sir?
:'''Mr. Burns''': Bobo? Oh I meant ''Lobo'', uh, ''[[w:The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo|Sheriff Lobo]]''. They ''never'' should have cancelled that show. What were they thinking?
:'''Smithers''': Oh, I see. On another topic, the preparations for your birthday have begun.
:'''Mr. Burns''': I won't get what I really want.
:'''Smithers''': No one does.
:''[Smithers briefly imagines Burns popping out of a cake naked and wearing only a sash like [[Marilyn Monroe]]]''
:'''Fantasy Mr. Burns''': ''[singing]'' ''[[w:Happy Birthday Mr. President|Happy Birthday, Mr. Smithers...]]''
:'''Smithers''': ''[smiles]'' Mmmm...
:''[At the Simpsons' house, Homer is tossing and turning in his sleep]''
:'''Homer''': Lobo...Lobo... Bring back Sheriff Lobo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is doing comedy at Burns' party.]''
:'''Homer''': Are you ready to laugh?
:'''Man in Audience''': Ugh, that poor dog.
:'''Homer''': I said, are you ready to laugh?!
:'''Woman in Audience''': Quiet, you awful man!
:'''Homer''': You know, Mr. Burns is ''so'' cheap--
:'''Mr. Burns''': What?
:'''Homer''': Er, I mean you know, Mr. Burns is so ''old''--
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[pounds the table]'' How ''dare you''!
:'''Homer''': Whoa! Tough crowd. Better bring out the big guns... ''[clears throat]'' Here's an impression of Mr. Burns that you might find, a little &quot;cheeky&quot;.
:''[Homer moons the crowd, revealing a face painted on his buttocks; everyone in the audience gasps]''
:'''Homer''': ''[mockingly]'' I'm Mr. Burns, blah, blah, blah! Do this, do that, blah, blah, blah! I think I'm so big, blah blah ''blaaah!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Destroy him. ''[one of Burns' security staff whacks Homer over the head with a baton, leaving him unconscious]'' This party is over. ''[the security staff start attacking other party guests at random]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Mr. Burns' party, Homer is nursing the lump on his head he got during his comedy act at Burns' party]''
:'''Homer''': Aw, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
:'''Lisa''': I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Bart, run down to the store and get a bag of ice for your father.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Yes'm. Dad, I know you're discouraged, but please, don't deny the world your fat can.
:'''Homer''': Don't worry, boy. He'll be ready for your Aunt Selma's birthday.
:'''Lisa''': I knew it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns are crawling across the ceiling of the Simpson home, using suction cups. They freeze when Homer walks to the refrigerator]''
:'''Homer''': Mmmm... 64 slices of [[w:American cheese|American cheese]]. ''[sits at the table and begins eating one at a time]'' 64...63...''[Time passes to morning]'' 2...1.
:'''Marge''': ''[entering]'' Have you been up all night eating cheese?
:'''Homer''': I think I'm blind.
:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns fall the the floor and get up]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Good day to you.
:''[They both leave]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barney The Dinosaur:''' Two plus two is four... two plus two is four... two plus two is four.
:'''Homer:''' Hehehe. I can see why this is so popular.

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror IV|Treehouse of Horror IV]]''===
:''[first lines]''
:'''Bart''': ''[walking in front of a set of paintings]'' Paintings: Lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to hell! So scary and horrible...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Devil Ned has give Homer an enchanted doughnut.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oooh!
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Devil Ned]]''': Now, remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for...
: ''[Homer has already scarfed the doughnut, except for one small piece.]''
:'''Homer''': Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?
:'''Devil Ned''': Well, technically, no, but...
:'''Homer''': ''[sing-song]'' I'm smarter than the Devil! I'm smarter than the Dev--
:''[Devil Ned angrily transforms into a huge, red demon.]''
:'''Devil''': ''[deep voice]'' '''YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, HOMER SIMPSON!!'''
:''[He vanishes into the floor. Homer smugly puts the last doughnut piece into his pocket.]''
:'''Homer''': Not likely. He, he, he.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Hell Labs Ironic Punishment Division, Homer is strapped to a chair where a blue demon arrives]''
:'''Blue Demon''': So, you like donuts, eh?
:'''Homer''': Uh-huh.
:'''Blue Demon''': Well! Have all the donuts in the world!
:''[He starts laughing as Homer is force fed donuts. 15 minutes later, it's revealed that this torture has backfired as Homer still hasn't had enough.]''
:'''Homer''': More.
:'''Blue Demon''': I don't understand it. [[:w:James Coco|James Coco]] went mad in 15 minutes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Devil Ned''': I give you the Jury of the Damned: [[Benedict Arnold]], [[:w:Lizzie Borden|Lizzie Borden]], [[Richard Nixon]].
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': But I’m not dead yet. In fact, I just wrote an article for [[:w:Redbook|Redbook]].
:'''Devil Ned''': Hey, listen, I did a favor for you.
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': Yes, master.
:'''Devil Ned''': [[:w:John Wilkes Booth|John Wilkes Booth]], [[:w:Blackbeard|Blackbeard the Pirate]], [[:w:John Dillinger|John Dillinger]]. And the starting line of the [[:w:1976 Philadelphia Flyers–Red Army game|1976 Philadelphia Flyers]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Devil Ned''': Alright Simpson, you get your soul back. But let that ill-gotten doughnut be ''FOREVER ON YOUR HEAD!!!''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sees a school bus inside the painting]'' The School Bus? Oh, they must mean The Ghoul Bus!
:'''Lisa''': Nope, says right there: ''[points the painting and reads it]'' &quot;School Bus&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sees a gremlin on the school bus during a trip and screams]'' Everybody! There's a monster on the side of the bus!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[horrified at the Dogs Playing Poker painting]'' They're dogs, and they're playing poker!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Simpsons arrive at Mr. Burns' castle. Homer rings the doorbell.]
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': ''[via intercom]'' Welcome, come in. ''[sinisterly, still heard on intercom]'' Ah, fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead.
:'''[[w:Waylon Smithers|Smithers]]''': Sir, you have to let go of the button.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, son of a bi-- ''[door opens]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': BART! How many times have I told you not to bite your sis— Wait a minute! You ARE a vampire!
:'''Grampa''': QUICK!! We have to kill the boy!!
:'''Marge''': How'd you know he's a vampire?
:'''Grampa''': He's a vampire? ''[screams]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': We've got to do something! Today, he's drinking people's blood - tomorrow, he could be smoking!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Simpsons arrive at Mr. Burns's crypt. Homer opens his casket and is ready to stake him.]
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Take that, vile fiend! ''[starts staking Burns repeatedly]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Uh, dad? That's his crotch.
:'''Homer''': Oh.. sorry. ''[puts stake to his heart]'' BAH''!!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[screams]''
:''[He quivers then stops and melts into mold]''
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' Aah...
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[comes back to life]'' YOU'RE FIRED!!! ''[melts into mold and dies again]''
:'''Homer''': D'OH!

===''[[w:Marge on the Lam|Marge on the Lam]]''===
:'''Rescue Worker 1''': Homer, this is never easy to say, I'm going have to saw your arms off.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': They'll grow back, right?
:'''Rescue Worker''': Oh...yeah.
:'''Homer''': Whew.
:''[the rescue worker starts the rotary saw and moves it toward Homer's arm]''
:'''Rescue Worker 2''': Homer, are you just holding on to the can?
:'''Homer''': Your point being?
:''[Homer leaves with everyone laughing at him]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': You're absolutely right, Homer. We don't need a babysitter.
:'''Homer''': ''[suspicious]'' Wait a second... ''[pulls a card from his pocket: &quot;ALWAYS DO OPPOSITE OF WHAT BART SAYS&quot;]'' Hmm...you kids ''do'' need a babysitter.
:'''Bart''': Blast that infernal card! ''[to Homer]'' ''Don't'' give that card to me.
:'''Homer''': Here you g-- ''[pulls back]'' No!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, when I couldn't help but overhear you are in need of a babysitter. Now, as a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.
:'''Homer''': We pay $8.00 for the night and you can take two Popsicles out of the freezer.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Three.
:'''Homer''': Two.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Okay, two, and I get to keep this old birdcage.
:'''Homer''': Done.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[to himself]'' Still got it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(as Ruth and Marge are taking in the breathtaking view of Springfield)''
:'''Ruth Powers''': Look. You can see our houses.
:'''Marge''': Hmm. There's an awful lot of black smoke coming from my chimney.
:''(cut to the Simpsons living room. Lionel Hutz is throwing piles of his personal effects into the fireplace while Bart and Lisa watch)''
:'''Lisa''': Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. ''(cheerfully)'': Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart and Lisa wake up the next day on the couch]''
:'''Bart''': Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home yet.
:'''Lisa''': Don't worry. Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us.
:''[Lisa budges Lionel Hutz awake. He growls menacingly and brandishes a knife]''
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[defensively]'' Don't touch my stuff! ''[realizes that he just scared Bart, Lisa, and Maggie; sheepishly, as he sits on the couch with a confused expression on his face]'' H-Hey, this isn't the YMCA.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(Dragnet-style epilogue of what happened to everyone involved in the episode)''
:'''Narrator''': Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced him to pay all back child support. Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, A.K.A. Miguel Sanchez, A.K.A., Dr. Nguyen van Thuoc, was paid $8 for his 32 hours of babysitting, he was glad to get it. Marge Simpson was charged with the violation of penal code section 618A: Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans. She was ordered to pay 50 cents to replace the cans and $2000 in punitive damage and mental anguish. Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing.
:'''Homer''': Woohoo!

===''[[w:Bart's Inner Child|Bart's Inner Child]]''===
:'''Homer''': Oh no you don't! That trampoline is mine! ''[crashes into the other car]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[as the trampoline jumps on him repeatedly onto a cliff]'' If this were a cartoon, the cliff would break off now. ''[dissolves to nighttime]'' I'm thirsty. ''[This causes the cliff to break, and fall off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Troy McClure|Troy McClure]]''': Hi! I'm Troy McClure!
:'''Brad Goodman''': And I'm Brad Goodman.
:'''[[w:Troy McClure|Troy McClure]]''': You might remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid!'
:'''Brad Goodman''': And you know me about such-help videos.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Brad Goodman''': I want you all to close your eyes and listen to your inner child. Listen, what's he saying?
:'''Ned's Inner Child''': Stay on the course big Ned, you're doing super! ''[Ned smiles]''
:'''Homer's Inner Child''': ''[points to his mouth]'' Food goes in here.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': It sure does.
:'''Moe's Inner Child''': ''[in Italian accent]'' Hey-a Moe, what's-tha mattah? Ya no talking wit ya accent-a no more.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': ''[slaps face]'' ''Mamma mia!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': A new mood is in the air in Springfield as refreshing as a moistened towelette. Folks are finally accepting their feelings and freely communicating with no holding back. And this reporter thinks it's about ''[beep]''ing time! Of course all these good feelings can be traced to one feisty little scamp who taught us that if it feels good, do it! ''[squirts whipped cream into his mouth]''
:'''Bart''': Lis, today I am a God.
:'''Lisa''': Is that why you're sitting on an ice cream sandwich?
:'''Bart''': Ewww...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': And I'm really enjoying this so called... iced cream!
:'''Smithers''': Sir, in the spirit of the festival and everything, I'd just like to say that.... I... love you.
:'''Burns''': Hm?
:'''Smithers''': In those colors! ''[to himself]'' Oh, who am I kidding? The boathouse was the time!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Skinner''': Darn! They're very slowly getting away!
:'''Moe''': Looks like they're headed for the old mill!
:'''Principal Skinner''': No they're not.
:'''Moe''': Well, let's go to the old mill anyway! Get some cider!

===''[[w:Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood|Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood]]''===
:'''Bart''': Aw man, how are we supposed to kill the rest of the afternoon?
:'''Hobo''': You mustn't kill time boys, you must cherish it, seize the day. Can I have some change to go get me loaded?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milhouse''': Hey, don't bogart that Squishee! ''[Barney chugs junkie]''
:'''Barney''': I dunno where you magic pixies came from, but I like your pixie drink.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals, except the [[w:weasel|weasel]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Milhouse Van Houten|Milhouse]]''': You're lucky. You only joined the Junior Campers. I got a dirty word shaved into the back of my head.
:''[Skinner walks by and stops when he sees the unseen &quot;dirty word&quot; in the back of Milhouse's head.]''
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': What is it with you boys and that word? ''[grabs Milhouse]'' I'm going to shave you bald, young man, until you learn that hair is not a right, it's a privilege.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[While looking for a peanut under the couch, Homer pulls out a 20 dollar bill]''
:'''Homer''': Awww, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut.
:'''Homer's Brain''': Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
:'''Homer''': Explain how!
:'''Homer's Brain''': Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
:'''Homer''': Woo-hoo!
:''[Homer starts running to the door, slips on the peanut he was looking for, and drops the money]''
:'''Homer''': D'OH!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Ya see anything yet?
:'''Lou''': Nothing captain, someone took all the beer and cold cuts.
:'''Wiggum''': Oh, that's it. I'm not even casting off until we go to the store.

===''[[w:The Last Temptation of Homer|The Last Temptation of Homer]]''===
:''[first lines]''
:'''Bart''': The beauty of it is, each parking space is a mere one foot narrower indistinguishable to the naked eye but therein lies the game!
:'''Milhouse''': I fear to watch! I cannot turn away!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Charlie is explaining to Mr., Burns about the gas leak]''
:'''Charlie''': Well, sir, I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous escape, but we desperately need a real emergency exit.
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Why, that's a fabulous idea. Anything else you'd like? How about real lead in the radiation shields? Urinal cakes, maybe? ''[hands Smithers a notebook]'' Smithers, throw this at him. ''[Smithers throws the book at Charlie. Mr. Burns right hand reaches under his desk and presses a button. A tube covers Charlie and sucks him upwards]'' Smithers, where does that tube go?
:'''[[w:Waylon Smithers|Smithers]]''': I'm not sure, sir; it was here when we moved in.
:''[Charlie then finds himself in an unnamed foreign country inhabited by cackling men wearing turbans. He is forced to dance to sitar music.]''
:'''Men''': Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! ''[Charlie does so. The men start ululating maniacally]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Department of Labor Agent''': This plant violates ''every'' labor law in the book! We found a missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core!
:'''Mr. Burns''': That plane crashed on ''my'' property!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Moe, I need your advice.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': Yeah?
:'''Homer''': You see, I have this friend named Joey Joe Joe...Junior...Shabadoo.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': Homer, that's the worst name I've ever heard. ''[a man in the bar runs out, crying]''
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': Hey, Joey Joe Joe!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[seeing the White House with Colonel Klink]'' Marge lives here?
:'''Man''': ''[voice only]'' Madam President, your approval rating is soar. ''[Marge murmurs]''
:'''Colonel Klink''': ''[sing-songy]'' This dream is over! ''[pops, Homer sends back in the phone booth]''
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[sees Homer stuck in the phone booth being knocked over]'' Hey, You! Get Out Of My Office!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[An alarm starts blaring at the power plant]''
:'''Smithers''': Someone is charging room service to the company, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well we'll just see about that! ''[uncovers a cage hold several winged monkeys]'' [[w:The Wizard of Oz|Fly, my pretties! Fly!]] ''[the monkeys leap out of the window, only to plummet to their deaths]'' Oh...''[to Smithers]'' Continue the research.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[to bullies in his normal self]'' Gentlemen, the nerd you knew is dead. Beat me, and you will be beating one of your own.
:'''Kearney''': Whatever! ''[they beat Bart anyway]''

===''[[w:$pringfield (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)|$pringfield (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)]]''===
:''[Homer puts on a pair of horn-rimmed glasses he finds floating in a toilet bowl.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': [[The Wizard of Oz|The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.]]
:'''Man in stall''': [[w: Pythagorean theorem|That's a ''right'' triangle]], ya idiot!
:'''Homer''': D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': Thank you for visiting our plant, Dr. Kissinger.
:'''[[Henry Kissinger]]''': It was fun.
:'''Smithers''': We'll let you know if your glasses turn up.
:'''[[Henry Kissinger]]''': Yes well, I'm sure I left them in the car. ''[thinking]'' No one must know I dropped them in the toilet. Not I, the man who drafted the [[w:Paris Peace Accords|Paris Peace Accords]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Scott, things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the Unemployment Office, joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors... now at the risk of sounding unpopular, this reporter places the blame for all of this squarely on you ''[pointing at the camera]'' the viewers!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor; and it's time to free your mother from his neon claws.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Krusty''': I don't wanna get a ''sore'' spot, but can we talk about herpes? Herpes, herpes, bo-berpes, banana fana fo-ferpes! Herpes, OH!! Hey! Y'know [[w:Port-wine stain| that spot]] on [[w:Mikhail Gorbachev|Gorbachev's]] head? Herpes, trust me! Anybody here have herpes? Huh? Huh? You people are the worst audience I've ever seen!
:'''Man in Audience''': Yeah, well you're the worse comedian WE'VE ever seen!
:'''Krusty''': Great! Then we'll just sit here silently for the next 90 minutes!
:'''Man in Audience''': Fine with us! ''[Krusty then sits down on stage in dismay]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Smithers''': I'm afraid Robert Goulet hasn't arrived yet, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Very well, begin the thawing of Jim Nabors.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Smithers''': Excuse me, ma'am, don't you think you've gambled enough?
:'''Marge''': No.
:'''Smithers''': Okay. We're required by law to ask every 75 hours. Get her another free drink.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart brings Robert Goulet to his treehouse casino]''
:'''[[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]]''': Are you sure this is the place? I think I should call my manager.
:'''Nelson Muntz''': Your manager says for you to shut up!
:'''Goulet''': ''[surprised]'' Vera said that?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[grabbing Marge]'' Yer gotta redda kid forrad yarrar!
:'''Marge''': Homer, what is it? Slow down!
:'''Homer''': ''[slowly, but still furious]'' J'yer gedda ferda redderarrar.
:'''Marge''': Think before you say each word.
:'''Homer''': You broke a promise to your child.
:'''Marge''': What?
:'''Homer''': You promised Lisa to help her with her costume. You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed -- she's such a little trooper.

===''[[w:Homer the Vigilante|Homer the Vigilante]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': ''[horrified]'' The burglar even took my stamp collection!
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': ''[amused]'' ''You'' had a stamp collection?
:''[The family all laugh at Bart, and the phone rings. Bart answers it.]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': ''[on the phone]'' Stamp collection? Ha-ha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?
:'''[[w:Professor|Professor]]''': Mmm, yes I would, Kent.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that.

===''[[w:Bart Gets Famous|Bart Gets Famous]]''===
:''[Marge convinces Bart to perform one more time.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': You're right, Mom. I shouldn't let this bother me. I'm in television now. It's my job to be repetitive. My job. My job. Repetitiveness is my job. ''[to Marge]'' I'm gonna go out there and give the best performance of my life!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': The best performance of your life?
:'''Bart''': The best performance of my life!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': ''[to Bart]'' And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[breaking a lamp]'' D'oh!
:'''Bart''': Ay, caramba!
:'''Marge''': ''[groans]''
:'''[[w:Maggie Simpson|Maggie]]''': ''[sucks her pacifier]''
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Flanders]]''': Hi-dilly-ho!
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': ''[belches]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Ha, ha!
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Excellent.
:''[Long pause. Everyone looks expectantly at Lisa.]
:'''Lisa''': If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room. [She walks away.]
:'''Homer''': What kind of catchphrase is that?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I'm telling you, I do work on the Krusty show. Look at the Credits! [presses &quot;play&quot;]
:'''Krusty''': Bye bye, kids! ''[laughs]'' ''[credits roll, then after a few seconds they are squeezed for a news promo]''
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': I'm Kent Brockman. On the 11:00 news tonight, a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal. We won't tell you which one after sports and the weather with Funny Sonny Storm.
:'''Bart''': ''[Pausing the tape and pointing to his name on the screen]'' There's my name, right here, Bart Simpson.
:'''[[w:Milhouse Van Houten|Milhouse]]''': Looks more like Brad Storch.
:'''[[w:Martin Prince|Martin]]''': No, it says Betty. Betty Symington.
:'''[[Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': ''[Punching Bart in the stomach]'' That's for taking credit for other people's work.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[Reading news script]'' 'Tragic news tonight: a tidal wave in Kuala'... 'la'- la.... 'Pur'... 'Lam-pur'... France.
:''[Bart pops up and steals Kent's Danish.]''
:'''Bart''': Yoink!
:'''Kent Brockman''': Yoink? ''[After finding out his Danish is gone]'' [gasps]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[Shuffling his papers]'' Yeah, I know I'm on. But I don't care. I don't read the news until I get my Danish. Go ahead, try to find a replacement.
:'''Bumbleebee Man''': ''[Pushing Kent off the chair and sitting on it]'' [clearing throat] 'A powerful tidal wave in Kuala Lumpur has killed 120 people.' Ay Chihuahua! Whoa, whoa, whoa! ''[Loses balance and falls over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Announcer''': And now it's time for &quot;Match Game 2034&quot;, with [[Billy Crystal]]!
:'''Billy''': Hi!
:'''Announcer''': [[Farrah Fawcett|Farah Fawcett-Majors-O'Neal-Varney]]!
:'''Farah''': ''[Grunts]''
:'''Announcer''': The &quot;I didn't do it&quot; boy!
:'''Bart''': ''[Grunts]''
:'''Announcer:''': Ventriloquist [[Loni Anderson]]!
:'''Loni''': ''[sighs]''
:'''Announcer''': [[Spike Lee]]!
:'''Spike''': Mmm.
:'''Announcer''': And the always lovely and vivacious head of Kitty Carlisle!
:'''Kitty''': Hi, everybody: let's start the game!

===''[[w:Homer and Apu|Homer and Apu]]''===
:''[Homer is eating expired meat he bought at the Kwik-E-Mart]''
:'''Homer''' ''[as his stomach grumbles]'': Ooh! Stomach...churning! ''[keeps eating the expired ham. His stomach grumbling gets more intense. Begins to double over]'': Bowels...clenching. Not much time. ''[falls off the couch, off-screen]'': Must finish! ''[eating sounds]''
:''[Cut to an ambulance speeding down the street]''
:''[Establishing shot of Springfield General Hospital. Cut to a sick Homer in a hospital bed with Marge, the kids, and Dr. Hibbert standing over him]''
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': Well, sir, Homer's illness was either caused by ingesting spoiled food or...''[chuckles]'': some sort of voodoo curse.
:''[whip pan to Patty and Selma with a purse]''
:'''Patty''': Hey! We've just been working the eyes. ''[Selma holds up a Homer-shaped voodoo doll with 12 needles (six on each eye) in his eyes]''
:''[some time later]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Your old meat made me sick!
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': Why, I'm so sorry. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp. ''[Homer picks up and sniffs a piece of shrimp]''
:'''Homer''': This shrimp isn't frozen – and it smells funny!
:'''Apu''': Okay, ten pounds.
:'''Homer''': Woo-hoo!
:''[Cut to the same ambulance as before speeding down the street]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': Good evening, here's an update on last week's nursing home exposé, &quot;Geezers in Freezers&quot; – it turns out the rest home ''was'' adequately heated; the footage you saw was of a fur-storage facility. We've also been told to apologize for using the term &quot;geezers&quot;. Now, coming up next, &quot;The Case of the Cantankerous Old Geezer.&quot;
:'''Homer''': ''[couch-ridden with salmonella]'' Oh... Urp! Rancid meat attack! Stupid parasites! Is there no way I can find justice?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent''': We've come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversized novelty hat. ''[puts hat on Homer, straining on pain]'' Now, go get us some incriminating footage. And remember: you have to get in and out for 10 minutes, or you suffer permanent neck damage.
:'''Man''': ''[neck horribly bent]'' He's not kiddin'.
:''[Homer walks towards the Kwik-E-Mart doors, swaying and weaving. Apu watches him, curious. Kent and others watch through the camera in the surveillance van]''
:'''Apu''': Huh?
:'''Homer''': Don't be alarmed, Apu. Just go about your daily routine like I'm not wearing the hat.
:'''Apu''': Your headgear seems to be emitting a buzzing noise, sir. Perhaps you have a bee in your bonnet.
:'''Homer''': Bee? Agh! Woo! Woo! Agh-agh-agghh! ''[Stomps on the hat and runs out. Homer returns to the van, gasping for air]''
:'''Kent''': Homer, that hat's been with the station for twenty years. He had one day left 'til retirement.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Apu is replenishing the hot dog roller, unaware the camera in the hat is filming him. He drops one on the floor, it rolls towards the hat, and we get a wretched close-up of the wiener]''
:'''Apu''': Oh, it is encrusted with filth. ''[blows it]'' Oh, well, let's sell it anyway. Now this is just between me and you, smashed hat. ''[he winks right into the camera]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Apu, if I've learned anything, it's that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Apu''': That ''[the Kwik-E-Mart]'' is the sight of my spiritual de-pantsing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Apu are flying over the Himalayas]''
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No.
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No.
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No.
:'''Homer''': Are we in India yet?
:'''Apu''': No. Oh wait... Now we are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Apu''': He is the benevolent, enlightened president and CEO of Kwik-E-Mart – and in Ohio, Stop-O-Mart. ''[CEO slurps his Squishee]'' He is the one I must ask to get my job back.
:'''CEO''': Approach, my sons.
:''[Homer and Apu approach the CEO's meditation point]''
:'''CEO''': You may ask me three questions.
:'''Apu''': That's great, because I only need one.
:'''Homer''': ''[interrupting]'' Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
:'''CEO''': Yes.
:'''Homer''': Really?
:'''CEO''': Yes.
:'''Homer''': You?
:'''CEO''': Yes. I hope this has been enlightening for you.
:'''Apu''': But – I must—
:'''CEO''': Thank you, come again.
:'''Apu''': But—
:'''CEO''': Thank you, come again.
:''[Homer and Apu leave the convenient store]''
:'''Homer''': Well, that was a big bust. Is he ''really'' the head of the Kwik-E-Mart? ''[Apu growls, reaches towards Homer]'' No need to apologize, Apu – it was as much my fault as it was yours. ''[Apu pounces and strangles Homer]'' Okay, Apu ... I accept your apology! ''[both fight, topple off the path and fall down the mountain side]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[James Woods]]''': Apu, you saved my life. And as a small token of my appreciation, I got you your job back at the Kwik-E-Mart.
:'''Apu''': Oh! Oh, Mr. Woods, you're--
:'''Woods''': But as for me, I'm off to battle aliens on a faraway planet.
:'''Marge''': That sounds like a good movie.
:'''Woods''': Yes... yes, a... a movie, yes.

===''[[w:Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy|Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy]]''===
:''[Homer is buttering a muffin that he got out of an E-Z Bake Oven as he's driving]''
:'''Marge''': Mmm, I don't know if that's a good idea to do while you're driving.
:'''Homer''': Marge, that's what I bought it for.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Thanks for buying us these toys, Grampa.
:'''Grampa Simpson''' ''[dismissive]'': Bah! Why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows ''[as Lisa becomes sad]'': or a nice pipe organ? ''[whining]'': I'm thirsty. Ooh, what smells like mustard? ''[The Simpsons continue driving, ignoring Grampa as he continues complaining]'': There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. ''[Homer turns the car into the driveway as Grampa points]'': Ooh! Lookit that one! ''[overhead shot of everyone [except Grampa] fleeing the car and running inside the house]'': Oh, my glaucoma just got worse! The President is a Demmycrat! ''[plaintive]'': Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt! Hello! ''[honks car horn, despite being in the backseat and allegedly not being able to unbuckle his seat belt]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Malibu Stacy Doll''': Don't ask me. I'm just a girl! Ha ha, ha ha!
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Right on, say it, sister.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': It's not funny, Bart. Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act - that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goal in life is to look pretty, land a rich husband, and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends talkin' about how damned terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!
:'''Bart''': Just what I was gonna say.
:''[Lisa angrily throws the doll out the living room window. Cut to Grampa Simpson riding a bike down the street]''
:'''Grampa Simpson''': Look at me! I'm acting young!
:''[The doll gets caught in the spokes of the bicycle. Grampa Simpson flies off screaming past a blur of colors until he lands in an open grave at a cemetery. Two grave diggers having lunch turn around to see what the commotion is, then resume eating]''
:'''Grampa Simpson''': ''[from inside the grave]'' Hey, this ain't so bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lisa pressures Stacy Lovell about Malibu Stacy.]
:'''Stacy''': I see exactly what you mean; this is a problem. But what do you expect me to do?
:'''Lisa''': Change what she says. It's your company.
:'''Stacy''': Not since I was forced out in 1974. They said my way of thinking just wasn't cost effective.
:'''Lisa''': ''[gasps]'' That's awful.
:'''Stacy''': Well, that and I was funneling profits to the Viet Cong.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Smithers turns on his computer, its boot screen displays a computerized version of Mr. Burns]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Hello, Smithers. You're. Quite. Good. At. Turning. Me. On.
:'''Smithers''': Uh, you probably should ignore that.

===''[[w:Deep Space Homer|Deep Space Homer]]''===
:'''[[w:Montgomery Burns|Burns]]''': Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season! And remember: a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya. ''[Smithers whispers to him]'' Hmm?... What?... Oh, and by that I mean, of course, it's time for the &quot;Worker of the Week Award&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stillwater''': People, we're in danger of losing our funding.  America isn't interested in space exploration anymore.
:'''Babcock''': Maybe we should finally tell them the big secret, that all the [[w:Chimpanzee|chimps]] we sent into space came back super intelligent.
:''[A chair swivels around, revealing a chimp in a suit, wearing glasses, and smoking a pipe.]''
:'''Chimp''': ''[English accent]'' No, I don't think we'll be telling them that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Reporter''': Uh, question for the barbecue chef: Don't you think there is an inherent danger in sending underqualified civilians into space?
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': I'll field this one. The only danger is if they send us to that terrible [[Planet of the Apes (1968 film)|Planet of the Apes]]. ''[thinks for a moment]'' Wait a minute... [[w:Statue of Liberty|Statue of Liberty]]... THAT WAS [[Earth|''OUR'' PLANET]]! '''YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP!''' DAMN YOU! '''DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''NASA Technician''': ''[counting down to launch]'' Three... Two... One... MAKE ROCKET GO NOW!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent''': We're just about to get our first pictures from inside the spacecraft with &quot;average-naut&quot; Homer Simpson, and we'd like to...
:''[an ant floats past the screen]''
:'''Kent''': Ahhhh!
:'''Simpsons family''': AHHHHHHHH!
:''[the picture breaks up]''
:'''Kent''': Folks, we just lost the picture, but...what we've seen...speaks for itself.  The spacecraft has apparently been taken over – &quot;conquered&quot; if you will – by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain. There is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barney''': It begins!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer has sent potato chips loose in zero gravity]''
:'''[[Buzz Aldrin]]''': Careful, they're ruffled!

===''[[w:Homer Loves Flanders|Homer Loves Flanders]]''===
:''[Ned has just offered Homer tickets to the game]''
:'''Homer''': Why do you mock me, Lord?
:'''Marge''': Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle Bart threw up there
:''[Marge knocks it down]''
:'''Homer''': I know I shouldn't eat thee but... ''[does it anyway]'' Mmmm, sacralicious.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lenny and Carl see Homer and Ned drive by, but Homer buries Ned's head out of view so they don't see him with Flanders]''
:'''Homer''': Hi!
:'''Lenny''': Hey, look! Homer's got one of those robot cars!
:''[The car crashes off-screen due to Homer pushing Ned's head down]''
:'''Carl''': One of those ''American'' robot cars.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Burns talking to football players before the game]''
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because... I crippled him myself to inspire you.
:''[Cuts to Milhouse lying in a hospital bed with a broken leg and his parents at his side.]''
:'''[[w:Milhouse Van Houten|Milhouse]]''': I hope they win or Mr. Burns said he's coming back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Quimby''': I'll take two dogs, two sodas... and, uh, two ice cream bars. ''[as they are passed along the row towards him, Homer snatches two bites from his dogs]'' What the hell happened to my dogs? I want answers.
:'''Homer''': Well, I guess I should pay my share.
:'''Ned''': ''[chuckling]'' Relax, Homer. I keep telling you. You're my guest.
:'''Homer''': Ooh, you brought me a nacho hat! Thanks, Ned. ''[dips a nacho in it, then eats it, singing]'' Nacho, nacho man, I want to be a nacho man.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(after seeing a news report for Springfield's upcoming football game)''
:'''Bart''' ''(waves two pieces of paper in front of Homer's face)'': Hey, Dad, sell you these for fifty bucks.
:'''Homer''': Woo hoo! Sold! ''(Bart takes the money and runs off)''
:'''Marge''': Those aren't tickets to the game, Homer.
:'''Homer''': What do you mean? It says right here: &quot;Free wig with every purchase of large wig. Downtown Wig Center&quot;. ''(screams)'': Why you little -- (immediately calms down as he sits down and thinks it over) Hmm, free wig.
:''(Homer imagines himself with Marge's hair, as he looks at himself in the mirror)''
:'''Homer''' ''(imitating Marge)'': I love you, Homie. Mmm. ''(normal voice)'': Heh, heh, heh. I don't need her at all anymore.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lovejoy''': Now let us bow our heads in a silent prayer of Thanksgiving. ''[all the churchgoers do so. Homer is breathing through his nose, which gets louder with each breath, annoying Ned]''
:'''Ned''': ''[furiously and annoyed]'' '''STOP IT!!! BREATHE THROUGH YOUR ''DAMN'' MOUTH!''' ''[Lovejoy and the churchgoers gasp]'' Oh, can't you see this man's not a hero!? He's annoying! He's very, very annoying!
:'''Helen''': Well, Ned's just jealous!
:'''Moe''': The man's hepped up on goofballs!
:'''Abe''': Let's sacrifice him to our ''God!'' ''(the room falls silent as everyone looks at Grampa in horror)'': We did it all the time in the 30's.

===''[[w:Bart Gets an Elephant|Bart Gets an Elephant]]''===
:''[Homer, Bart, and Lisa discuss their plans after breakfast.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': After breakfast, me and Milhouse are going down to the ravine. We got a tip from a five-year-old that there's a dead Martian down there.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': And I'm going to jam with the Little White Girls Blues Quartet. ''[to Homer]:'' Wanna come with me, Daddy-o?
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Sorry, honey. I'd love to, but Daddy has to go to a beer-drinking contest.
:'''Bart''': Think you'll win?
:'''Homer''': Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': What's the point of all this cleaning?! Are we so vain?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Moe''': Hey Clinton, get back to work!
:'''[[Bill Clinton]]''': Make me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''': Hey, they're playing the elephant song!
:'''Jasper''': I love that. Reminds me of elephants.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': So isn't that what we're all asking in our own lives – &quot;Where's my elephant?&quot; I know that's what I've been asking.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[rides on Stampy]'' Ha-ha! Smithers, this reminds me of that fat man I used to ride to work!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Look at this, Marge: $58 and all of it profit! I'm the smartest businessman in the world.
:'''Marge''': Stampy's food bill today was $300.
:'''Homer''': ''[scared]'' Marge, please, don't humiliate me in front of the money.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Mr. Blackheart?
:'''Mr. Blackheart''': Yes, my pretty?
:'''Lisa''': Are you an ivory dealer?
:'''Mr. Blackheart''': ''[chuckles]'' Little girl, I've had lots of jobs in my day: Whale hunter, seal clubber, president of the Fox network ... and like most people, yeah, I've dealt a little ivory.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ned Flanders''': Look! It's the four elephants of the Apocalypse!
:'''Maude''': That's &quot;Horsemen,&quot; Ned.
:'''Ned''': Well, getting closer. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': He took Bart too?! ''[yells out the window]'' THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL BLACKHEART! THAT. WASN'T. PAAAAART!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At Springfield Police Station]''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, right, lady: an elephant ran through your front yard. OK. [goes to another line] Wiggum...yeah, right, mister, mm hm. An elephant just knocked over your mailbox. OK. [goes to another line] Wiggum...Yeah, right, buddy, liquor store robbery, officer down. Sure...and I'm Edward G. Robinson!

===''[[w:Burns' Heir|Burns' Heir]]''===
:'''Smithers''': I got a mink chamois, sir. I hope it-- ''[gasp]'' Oh, my God, Mr. Burns is dead! Aw! Why do the good always die so young?
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[emerges, strangles Smithers]'' You almost killed me!
:'''Smithers''': Please, sir... ''[places towel on Burns' shoulders]'' you'll catch..cold.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milhouse''': I have nothing to offer you but my love.
:'''Mr. Burns''': I specifically said ''no geeks''!
:'''Milhouse''': ''[dejected]'' But my mom says I'm cool...
:'''Mr. Burns''': Next!
:'''Nelson Muntz''': Give me your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in!
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ooh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list.
:'''Martin Prince''': ''[Singing]'' ''[[w:The Trolley Song|Clang, clang, clang went the trolley! Ring, ring, ring went the bell! Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings]]--''
:''[Nelson runs onto the stage and cold cocks him. Martin collapses.]'' 
:'''Mr. Burns''': Thank you. Give the bully an extra point.
:'''Lisa''': ''[clears throat]'' I propose to you that your heir not need be a boy. In this [[wikt:phallocentric|phallocentric]] society of ours -
:'''Mr Burns''': I don't know what 'phallocentric' means, but ''no girls''!
:'''Milhouse''': ''[offstage, in a dress and wig]'' So much for Plan B.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[a stone suddenly crashes through Burns' library glass window, landing at his feet]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, look. A bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.
:'''Smithers''': I think it is a rock, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': We'll see what the lab has to say about that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Bart smashes up Burns' residence in anger for not being chosen as the heir, smashing windows and decapitating statues'']
:'''Mr. Burns''': Heh heh, look, Smithers -- a creature of pure malevolence. He's the perfect one to suckle at my proverbial teat. ''[opens window]'' [[A Christmas Carol|You there, boy!  What day is this?]]
:'''Boy''': ''[with an exaggerated [[w:Cockney accent|Cockney accent]]]'' Today, sir? Why, it's Christmas Day!
:'''Mr. Burns''': I was talking to ''him''. [''points at Bart''] You!  What day is this?
:'''Bart''': Huh?
:'''Mr. Burns''': I'll tell you what day this is: today is the day you become my heir!
:[''Bart throws a rock which hits Smithers in the head'']
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ooh, I like him a lot.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Simpsons family are eating dinner, Bart throws peas at Lisa]''
:'''Lisa''': Hey! Mom, Bart's throwing peas! 
:'''Marge''': Bart, don't throw peas at your sister.
:'''Bart''': Mr. Burns throws peas at Smithers. ''[throws another peas at Lisa]''
:'''Lisa''': Ow! That was a big one!
:'''Marge''': Homer, say something.
:'''Homer''': Okay. Lisa, quit getting in the way of your wealthy brother's peas.
:'''Marge''': ''[groans]''
:'''Bart''': Oh, yuck. Meat loaf. My most hated of all loafs. ''[feeds his piece to SHL]''
:'''Homer''': ''[gasps]'' That was the end piece! ''[turns red in anger]'' That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog! ''[point upwards]'' Go to your room!  
:'''Bart''': No! This family stinks! Mr. Burns nurtures my destructive side. I'm suffocating here.
:'''Homer''': Bart, you listen!  
:'''Bart''': Oh, go eat some flowers! ''[tosses flowers at Homer]''
:'''Homer''': My secret shame.
:''[Bart storms out of his house, riding his bicycle]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Deprogrammer''': Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, your son has clearly been brainwashed by the evil and charismatic Mr. Burns.
:'''Marge''': Are you sure you can get him back for us?
:'''Deprogrammer''': Absolutely. I'm the one who successfully deprogrammed [[Jane Fonda]], you know.
:'''Marge''': What about [[w:Peter Fonda|Peter Fonda]]?
:'''Deprogrammer''': Oh, that was a heartbreaker. But I did get [[Paul McCartney]] out of [[w:Wings (band)|Wings]].
:'''Homer''': You idiot! He was the most talented one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart turns on his model train and it leaves the room]''
:'''Milhouse''': Where does it go?
:'''Bart''': I don't know, but it won't be back for three hours. One time it had snow on it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': People, that was all wrong! Homer Simpson doesn't say &quot;Boh&quot;, he says... [''Flips through a script to he gets to a page.''] Doh!
:''[The fake Homer and Marge take off their masks.]''
:'''British Fake Homer''': Sorry, M.B., but I'm having trouble with this character. Is he supposed to have some kind of neurological impairment like Rain Man or Awakenings. I mean, what the hell am I doing here?
:'''Fake Marge''': And this dialogue has none of the wit and sparkle of [[w:Murphy Brown|Murphy Brown]].
:'''Fake Lisa''': [''Takes off his mask and smokes his cigar''] Hey, you know we are getting into Golden Time.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yes well just get it right, or you'll be back doing [[w:Come Blow Your Horn|Come Blow Your Horn]] at the Westport Dinner Theatre.

===''[[w:Sweet Seymour Skinner's Badasssss Song|Sweet Seymour Skinner's Badasssss Song]]''===
:'''[[w:Springfield Elementary School#Superintendent Chalmers|Superintendent Chalmers]]''': Seymour? You're fired!
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': I'm sorry, di-did you just call me a liar?
:'''Superintendent Chalmers''': No, I said you were fired.
:'''Principal Skinner''': Oh. That's much worse.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Come on, Chalmie, you fired Skinner for less than this.
:'''Superintendent Chalmers''': Yeah, I did, but... Skinner really bugged me. Besides, the way America's public schools are sliding, they'll all be this way in a few months. I say, lay back and enjoy it, it's a hell of a toboggan ride.
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Ned]]''': ''[over PA]'' Well, cockly-doodly-doo, little buddies. Let's thank the Lord for another beautiful school day.
:'''Superintendent Chalmers''': Thank the Lor-- thank the Lord? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer. A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion. Simpson, you get your wish. Flanders is history!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Skinner''': Now I... I finally have time to do what I've always wanted: write the [[w:Great American Novel|Great American Novel]]. Mine is about [[w:Jurassic Park|a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques]]. I call it &quot;Billy and the Cloneasaurus.&quot;
:'''Apu''': Oh, you have got to be ''kidding'', sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done. And then you give it a title that nobody could ''possibly'' like! Didn't you think this through?...''[fade to later]''... was on the bestseller list for ''eighteen months!'' Every magazine cover had it...''[fade to later]''...most popular movies of all ''time'', sir! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?! ''[Skinner hangs his head in shame as Apu calms down]'' ...I mean, thank you, come again.

===''[[w:The Boy Who Knew Too Much|The Boy Who Knew Too Much]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Wow, that is the biggest Rice Krispie square I've ever seen! The rich sure know how to live.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[lowers a table out of the hotel window; then drops it]'' Got it, Barn?
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': ''[offscreen, below hotel]'' Got what? ''[table drops on his head]'' Ow!
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': You're stealing a table?
:'''Homer''': I'm not stealing it. Hotels expect you to take a few things. It's a souvenir!
:'''Principal Skinner''': Ah... Is that my necktie you're wearing?
:'''Homer''': Souvenir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scott Christian''': Let's go over to the county courthouse live to Kent Brockman.
:'''Kent Brockman''': —ockman, just outside the county courtroom where an argument about chowder has spilled over into the biggest trial in Springfield history. Behind these doors, a federal judge will ladle out steaming bowls of rich, creamy justice in a case the media have dubbed &quot;Beat-Up Waiter&quot;. ''[pfft]'' This reporter suggested &quot;[[Watergate scandal|Waitergate]]&quot;, but was shouted down at the press club. Now, it's illegal to televise court proceedings in this state, ''[whispers]'' so we'll have to be quiet. ''[courtroom doors close in his face]'' Dooh—!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Mom, what if there's a really bad, crummy guy who's going to jail, but I know he's innocent?
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Well, Bart, your Uncle Arthur used to have a saying: &quot;Shoot 'em all and let God sort them out.&quot; Unfortunately, one day he put his theory into practice. It took 75 Federal Marshals to bring him down. Now let's never speak of this again. ''[she then starts humming and dusting the TV]''
:'''Bart''': Mom, what if I can get this guy off the hook? Should I do it?
:'''Marge''': Honey, you should listen to your heart... and not the voices in your head, like a certain uncle did one gray December morn.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, my God... Someone's taken a bite out of the big Rice Krispie square! ...Oh, yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten, heh-heh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[reads the verdict paper]'' What does &quot;[[wiktionary:sequestered|sequestered]]&quot; mean?
:'''Skinner''': It means if we're deadlocked we'll be put up somewhere until we reach a decision.
:'''Homer''': What does &quot;[[wiktionary:deadlocked|deadlocked]]&quot; mean?
:'''Skinner''': It means the jury cannot reach a unanimous decision.
:'''Homer''': Uh-huh. And &quot;[[wiktionary:if|if]]&quot;?
:'''Skinner''': Conjunction meaning &quot;in the event that&quot; or &quot;on condition that&quot;.
:'''Homer''': So IF we cannot reach a decision, the jury will be DEADLOCKED, and then we'll be SEQUESTERED in the Springfield Palace Hotel.
:'''Patty''': That's not going to happen, Homer.
:'''Jasper''': Let's vote. My liver is failing.
:'''Homer''': Where we'll get free rooms, free food, free TV, free {{w|HBO}}, OOOH! [[Free Willy|FREE WILLY]]! ''[Skinner snatches paper from him]''
:'''Skinner''': Justice is not a frivolous thing, Simpson. It has little, if anything, to do with a disobedient whale. Now let's vote!
:'''Homer''': What are all of you voting?
:'''Everyone''': Guilty.
:'''Homer''': Uh-huh. How many S's in innocent?
:''[everyone else groans]''
:'''Homer''': Now I'm only doing what I think is right. I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart sees Skinner in the jury; Skinner thinks his thoughts to him]''
:'''Principal Skinner''': I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just a little reminder: If I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yeah, you heard me. I think words I would never say. ''[camera pans left to Homer]''
:'''Homer''': I know you can read ''my'' thoughts, boy. ''[sings {{w|Meow Mix}} jingle]'' ''Meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow.''

===''[[w:Lady Bouvier's Lover|Lady Bouvier's Lover]]''===
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Homer, you didn't do a very good job frosting Maggie's birthday cake.
:''[The cake reads, &quot;Happy Birthday Magaggie&quot;.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': What? It's not Magaggie's birthday?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': If he marries your mother, Marge, we'll be brother and sister! And then our kids... they'll be horrible freaks with pink skin, no overbites, and five fingers on each hand!
:''[Homer imagines his children as more realistic-looking humans, screams and runs from the room]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Bouvier''': Oh, Monty, I swear you're the devil himself.
:'''Mr. Burns''': I...Who told you?! ...Oh, ah, yes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': I specifically requested ''no'' romantic music! What…?
:'''Abraham Simpson''': ''[stops playing organ, trying to pounds the window]'' Mrs. Bouvier! Mrs. Bouvier! ''[Glass breaks, he falls to the church floor, saved Jacqueline]'' Mrs. Bouvier!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines as Grampa gets back together with Mrs. Bouvier in a bus]''
:'''Simon &amp; Garfunkel''': ''[voices only]'' ♪ ''Hello Grampa, my old friend'' ♪
:♪ ''Your busy day is at an end'' ♪ ''[the executive producers' names appear in darkness]''
:♪ ''Your exploits have been sad and boring'' ♪ ''[the credits begin playing]''
:♪ ''They tell a tale, that's worth ignoring'' ♪
:♪ ''When you're alone, the words of your story will echo down the rest home hall'' ♪
:♪ ''Cuz no one at all'' ♪
:♪ ''Can stand the sound of Grampa'' ♪
:'''Abraham Simpson''': ''[voice only, in credits]'' I first took a fancy to Mrs. Bouvier because her raspy voice reminded me of my old Victrola. Oh, it was a fine machine with a vulcanized rubber listening tube which you crammed in your ear! The tube would go in easy with some sort of lubricant like linseed oil or Dr. Shumway's... ''[the Gracie Films logo appears]'' Oops. I'm sorry!

===''[[w:Secrets of a Successful Marriage|Secrets of a Successful Marriage]]''===
:''[Homer and Marge are discussing ways for Homer to better himself.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oh... and how is &quot;''education''&quot; supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': That's because you were drunk!
:'''Homer''': And how.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': So, little Lisa, apple of my eye: how are things down at the old schoolhouse?
:'''Lisa''': I find this demeaning and embarrassing beyond my worst nightmares.
:'''Homer''': ''[hearty laughter]'' And how's my little major-leaguer?  Catch any junebugs today?
:'''Bart''': Oh, me and Milhouse took some mail from the mail truck and threw it down the sewer.
:'''Homer''': ''[with barely-concealed anger]'': Son, I know you meant well, but that wasn't the right thing to do.
:'''Bart''': What the hell are you talking about?  You're the one who double-dared us.
:'''Homer''': ''[explodes with anger]'': Why you little -- ''[strangles Bart]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Bart''': I'm outta here!
:'''Lisa''': Me too. 
:''[Bart and Lisa leave]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as Marge kicks out Homer's class -- and Homer]''
:'''Homer''': All right, we're breaking early tonight, class. For tomorrow, you should read pages seven to 18 in Lisa's diary.
:'''Marge''': You too.
:'''Homer''': Huh?
:'''Marge''': Get out!
:'''Homer''': But I'm not in a cla-
:''[Marge angrily pushes Homer onto the ground and slams the door, Otto puts his hand on Homer's shoulder]''
:'''Otto''': Uh, is any of this gonna be on the test? 'Cause I wasn't payin' attention.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[after Marge kicks him out of his house]'' Oh. Fine. If that's what you want, you've got it. ''[walks away from his house]'' This scene is gettin' old, man. I'm hittin' the road. Maybe I'll drop you a line someday from wherever I wind up in this crazy old world. ''[walks into the streets]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Oh, good. Reverend Lovejoy will make Marge take me back. He ''has'' to push the sanctity of marriage, or his god will punish him!
:''[Immediate cut to Reverend and Mrs. Lovejoy talking with Marge in the living room.]''
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': ''[flatly]'' Get a divorce.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Helen Lovejoy|Helen Lovejoy]]''': Mmm-hmm.
:'''Marge''': But isn't that a sin?
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Marge, just about everything is a sin. You ever sat down and read [[The Bible|this thing]]? Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 05}}
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  <page>
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      <text bytes="82352" sha1="lv8s4mkg8drvbslhin57p2oe7837xlv" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Simpsons''/Season 8}}
{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

==''[[w:Treehouse of Horror VII|Treehouse of Horror VII]]''==
====''The Thing and I''====
:'''[[w:Julius Hibbert|Doctor Hibbert]]''': Yes, I remember Bart's birth well. You don't forget a thing like... ''[dramatic]'' [[w:conjoined twins|Siamese twins]]!
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': I believe they prefer to be called &quot;conjoined twins&quot;.
:'''Doctor Hibbert''': And Hillbillies prefer to be called &quot;sons of the soil&quot;, but it ain't gonna happen!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Flashback is being shown in which Marge has given birth to Siamese twins. One of them starts gnawing on the other's arm.]''
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': I think I'll bottle-feed that one.
:'''Doctor Hibbert''': ''[voiceover from the present] A routine soul smear confirmed the presence of pure evil, it was then I knew the option was to separate you 2... immediately. [from the past]'' You both need to sign these. ''[voiceover from the present] But what to do with poor Hugo? Too crazy for Boy's Town; too much of a boy for Crazy Town. The child was an outcast. [Back in the present.]'' So we did the only humane thing.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': We chained Hugo up in the attic like an animal and fed him a bucket of fish heads once a week.
:'''Marge''': It saved our marriage.

====''The Genesis Tub''====
:'''Lisa''': [''finding out that Bart squashed these people on purpose''] Oh, poor little guys. That Bart was so rude.

====''Citizen Kang''====
:'''Kodos''': ''[Disguised as Bill Clinton]'' I am Clin-Ton. As overlord, all will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal commands. End communication.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[George Stephanopoulos]]''': ''[to Kodos, who has taken on the form of Bill Clinton]'' Uh, Mr. President, sir, people are becoming a bit... confused by the way your and your opponent are, well, constantly holding hands.
:'''[[w:Kang and Kodos|Kang]]''': ''[Disguised as Bob Dole]'' We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kodos:''' ''[crowd cheers]'' My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom. ''[crowd cheers]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Kang and Kodos have been exposed]''
:'''Kodos''': It’s true; we are aliens. But what are ''you'' going to do about it?! It's a two-party system; you have to vote for one of us!
:''[The crowd mutters in consternation as they realize he's right]''
:'''Voter''': Well I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate!
:'''Kang''': Go ahead, throw your vote away!
:''[Kang and Kodos laugh out loud. Ross Perot smashes his &quot;Perot 96&quot; hat. The next day, Kodos announces the result.]''
:'''Kodos''': All hail, President Kang.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Kang has been elected President and the aliens of Rigel 7 have enslaved America.]''
:'''Marge''': I don't understand why we have to build a ray gun to aim at a planet I never even heard of.
:'''Homer''': Don't blame me, ''I'' voted for Kodos. ''[alien whips him]'' D'oh!

==''[[w:You Only Move Twice|You Only Move Twice]]''==
:''[After the family has watched the video on Cyprus Creek]''
:'''Marge''': It does seem nicer than Springfield.
:'''Lisa''': Yeah... did you notice how the people weren't shoving or knocking each other down? I've never been to a place like that before...
:''[Bart shoves her aside]''
:'''Bart''': Me neither.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': I am not interested in buying the house, but I would like to use your restroom, flip through your magazines, rearrange your carefully shelved items and handle your food products in an unsanitary manner. HA! Now ''you'' know how it feels!
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Thank you, come again!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Scorpio''': Hey, look at my feet. You like those moccasins? Look in your closet; there's a pair for you. Don't like them? Then neither do I!
:''[throws them out the door.]''
:'''Scorpio''': Get the hell outta here! Ever see a guy say goodbye to a shoe?
:'''Homer''': ''[chuckles]'' Yes, once.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Scorpio''': Good afternoon, gentlemen. This is Scorpio. I have the doomsday device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold or you face the consequences. And to prove I'm not bluffing, watch this. ''[presses a button, causing a bridge to blow up in the background of the screen the gentlemen are visible in]''
:'''UN Man 1''': ''[all the men look at the explosion]'' Oh my God, the 59th Street Bridge.
:'''UN Man 2''': Maybe it just collapsed on its own.
:'''UN Man 1''': We can't take that chance.
:'''UN Man 2''': You always say that. I want to take a chance.
:'''Scorpio''': ''[scoffs]'' &quot;Collapsed on its own&quot;, you sch...You have seventy-two hours. See ya.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer has just walked in on Scorpio, who is tuning a giant death ray.]''
:'''Scorpio''': By the way, Homer, what's your least favorite country, Italy or France?
:'''Homer''': France.
:'''Scorpio''': ''[laughs]'' Nobody ever says Italy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Unseen by Homer, Scorpio has a [[w:James Bond|James Bond]]-esque secret agent chained to a table under a laser, a la [[w:Goldfinger (film)|Goldfinger]].]''
:'''Scorpio''': Ingenious, isn't it Mr. Bont?
:'''Mr. Bont''': ''[in an accent reminiscent of [[w:Sean Connery|Connery]]]'' Scorpio, you're totally mad!
:'''Scorpio''': Ha, I wouldn't point fingers, you jerk!
:'''Mr. Bont''': So do you expect me to talk?
:'''Scorpio''': I don't expect anything from you except to die and be a cheap funeral.

==''[[w:Burns, Baby Burns|Burns, Baby Burns]]''==
:'''Larry''': Hey, Casey Jones, where this train headed?
:'''Conductor''': Springfield.
:'''Larry''': Yeah, Yeah. What state?
:'''Conductor''': This train going to--
:''[Train whistle blows]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Larry''': What I'm trying to say is--
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': You're what, selling light bulbs? Worried about the whales? Keen on Jesus? Out with it!
:'''Larry''': Well Mr. Burns, I'm your son! ''[Mr. Burns is shocked, Larry looks at his foot]'' Oh, and I stepped on one of your peacocks. You got a paper towel?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': I should've known you were the only one stupid enough to kidnap you! Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble. Smithers, take off my belt.
:'''[[w:Waylon Smithers|Smithers]]''': With pleasure, sir.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Larry''': Oh, we've got to find a place to hide.
:'''Homer''': The abandoned warehouse! ''[they enter the warehouse. Inside, people are busily working]'' D'oh! Stupid economic recovery.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Larry Burns is sitting at the buffet, like it's his own dinner table]''
:'''Larry''': Pull up a seat Pops, you too Chuckles. The food ain't great, but the portions are terrific.
:''[The insulted chef glowers at him]''
:'''Larry''': Hey I'm kiddin'. Give my regards to [[w:Chef Boyardee| Mrs. Boyardee]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Larry''': Hey, I got a wife an' kids. Oh, that reminds me. They're probably wondering where I am. I told 'em I was going out for coffee. ''[Quickly looks at his watch]'' That was a week ago.

==''[[w:Bart After Dark|Bart After Dark]]''==
:'''Belle''': Are you wearing a grocery bag?
:'''Homer''': ''[dignified fashion]'' I have misplaced my pants.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': Maison Derrière? I can't believe there's a place like that in our wholesome little town! Homer, did you know there was a burlesque house that you sent Bart to work there?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The citizens of Springfield are watching slides that show Maison Derriere's clients]''
:''[Slide of Dr. Hibbert]''
:'''Bernice''': Julius!
:''[Slide of Chief Wiggum]''
:'''Sarah''': Clancy!
:''[Slide of Skinner]''
:'''Chalmers''': Skinner?
:'''Agnes''': Seymour!
:'''Seymour''': Mother...
:''[Slide of Patty]''
:'''Selma''': ''[off-screen]'' Patty?
:''[Slide of Cletus]''
:'''Brandine''': Cletus!
:''[Slide of Barney, to which nobody reacts]''
:'''Moe''': ... Oh, uh... Barney.
:''[Slide of Chief Wiggum]''
:'''Sarah''': Clancy!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hey, come on, you did me twice.
:''[Slide of Smithers]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Smithers?
:'''Smithers''': My... my parents insisted I give it a try, sir.
:''[Slide of Quimby, wearing a &quot;Mayor&quot; sash]''
:'''Luann''': Mayor Quimby!
:'''Quimby''': Uh, well, that could be any mayor.
:'''Marge''': I rest my case.
:'''Quimby''': Er, uh, well… eh, in light of these new facts, of which I now realize I was largely aware, I must take action. All in favor of demolishing our beloved burlesque house, raise your hands.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer storms into the Maison Derriere's main hall to give Belle a piece of his mind]''
:'''Homer''': Hey Bart is my son and I don't want him working ''[a strip tease show begins in the background]'' so... late.
:'''Belle''': Oh I agree, kids need rules and boundaries.
:'''Homer''': ''[mesmerized by the show]'' Yes, everyone loves rules.
:'''Belle''': It's so hard to be a parent today. Why with all the gangs, and the drugs.
:'''Homer''': Oh yea drugs, drugs, ya gotta have drugs. ''[walks in to watch the show]''
:'''Bart''': Hey, he didn't pay the cover.
:'''Belle''': Oh Bart, he's your father... We'll comp him tonight and start a tab tomorrow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''You could close down Moe's or the Kwik-E-Mart''
:''And nobody would care''
:''But the heart and soul of Springfield's inn''
:''Our Maison Derrière...''
&lt;hr width=&quot;25%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Belle''': ''We're the sauce on your steak''
:''We're the cheese in your cake''
:''We put the spring in Springfield''
:'''Showgirl 1''': ''We're the lace on the nightgown''
:'''Showgirl 2''': ''The point after touchdown''
:'''Belle/Showgirls''': ''Yes, we put the spring in Springfield''
:'''Belle''': ''We're that little extra spice that makes existence extra-nice''
:''A giddy little thrill at a reasonable price''
:'''Lovejoy''': ''Our only major quarrel's with your total lack of morals''
:'''Showgirl 3''': ''Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad''
:'''Showgirls 3/4''': ''They seem to entertain your dad!''
&lt;hr width=&quot;25%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Belle/Showgirls''': ''The gin in your martini''
:''The clams on your linguine''
:''Yes, we put the'' (''BOING!!'') ''in Springfield''
:'''Wiggum/Krusty/Skinner''': ''We remember our first visit''
:'''Quimby''': ''The service was exquisite''
:'''Ms. Quimby''': ''Why Joseph, I had no idea!''
:'''Quimby''': ''Come on now, you were working here''
:'''Abe/Jasper''': ''Without it we'd have had no fun since March of 1961!''
:'''Bart''': ''To shut it down now would be twisted''
:'''Jimbo/Dolph/Kearney''': ''We just heard this place existeeeeed!''
&lt;hr width=&quot;25%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Showgirls''': ''We're the highlights in your hairdo''
:'''Apu''': ''The extra arms on Vishnu''
:'''Showgirls''': ''So don't take the'' (''BWONG!!'')
:'''Men''': ''We won't take the'' (''VUUEH!!'')
:'''Everyone''': ''Yes, let's be the'' (''DON!!'')
:''In Springfieeeeeld!''
:(''SPLAT!! DAHK!! BONG!! WOOGA!! KRRRE!! EHURP!!'')

==''[[w:A Milhouse Divided|A Milhouse Divided]]''==
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Hey, Van Houten, I heard your folks broke up.
:'''[[w:Milhouse Van Houten|Milhouse]]''': Aren't you gonna say, &quot;Ha-ha&quot;?
:'''Nelson''': Oh, by no means. ''[sits down]'': My dad left my mom after she got hooked on cough drops. By the end ''[voice breaks]'', her breath was so fresh...she wasn't really my mother anymore.
:'''Milhouse''': Oh, so I guess I'm not alone.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Kearney Zzyzwicz|Kearney]]''': Ah, you'll do fine. My divorce was tough on my kid ''[slides over and reveals a child who bears a strong resemblance to Kearney]'', but he got over it.
:'''Kearney's Son''': I sleep in a drawer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kirk''': Singles life is great, Homer. I can do whatever I want. Today I drank a beer in the bathroom.
:'''Homer''': The one down the hall.
:'''Kirk''': Yeah! And another great thing, you get your own bed. I sleep in a racing car, do you?
:'''Homer''': I sleep in a big bed with my wife.
:'''Kirk''': Oh. Yeah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Van Houten family#Kirk|Kirk]]''': You're letting me go?
:'''Cracker Co. Foreman''': Kirk, crackers are a family food - happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without.
:'''Kirk''': So that's it, after twenty years, &quot;So long, good luck?&quot;
:'''Cracker Co. Foreman''': I don't recall saying, &quot;Good luck.&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is taking a bath until Bart comes in and hits him with a chair]''
:'''Homer''': [screams] Ow! Ow Duh-ow! What the hell is wrong with you?!
:'''Bart''': Jeez, sorry. It's a pretty standard stunt, Homer.

==''[[w:Lisa's Date with Density|Lisa's Date with Density]]''==
:'''Apu''': Thank you. Come again.
:''[Just as Homer is about to enter his car and drive home, he then hears the police radio from nearby. Chief Wiggum and his partners have just stopped a telemarking scam committed by a criminal named Jimmy the Scumbag, who is arrested for the crime as a result.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': It looks like we put the kibosh on another two-bit telephone swindle, boys. ''[turns to Jimmy]'' Frankly, I would have expected better from Jimmy the Scumbag.
:''[Jimmy just shrugs and mutters. Wiggum pushes him into the back of his police car while Lou throws away an auto-dialer that was used by Jimmy during the scam. Homer watches the scene from nearby.]''
:'''Homer''': ''[points at the auto-dialer]'' Hey, what's this thing?
:'''Wiggum''': Huh? Oh, that's an auto-dialer. ''[glances at Jimmy, then turns back to Homer]'' This bird was using it to pull a telemarketing scam. But, instead, he's gonna rot in the slammer for the next 20 years. Bread and water, icy showers, guards whomping your ass around the clock. ''[slams his fist on the windshield, startling Jimmy. ominously]'' And the only way out is suicide.
:''[He makes a slashing neck gesture.]''
:'''Homer''': Telemarketing, eh?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At Springfield Elementary School, Principal Skinner and his staff are investigating the disappearance of the Honda logo on Superintendent Chalmers' Honda Accord. Nelson and his gang of bullies start laughing, which Skinner doesn't take kindly to.]''
:'''Principal Skinner''': Oh, you think this stolen &quot;H&quot; is a laugh riot, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something that's not so funny. Right now, Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl. ''[The entire class laughs at this. He can't help but chuckle himself as he finds it a little funny, too.]'' I guess it is a little funny.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Dewey Largo''': Miss Simpson, do you find something funny about the word &quot;tromboner&quot;?
:'''Lisa''': No, sir. I was laughing at something outside.
:'''Sherri''': She was looking at Nelson!
:'''Class''': ''[sing-song]'' Lisa likes Nelson!
:'''Milhouse''': She does not!
:'''Class''': ''[sing-song]'' Milhouse likes Lisa!
:'''Janey''': He does not!
:'''Class''': ''[sing-song]'' Janey likes Milhouse!
:'''Uter''': She does not!
:'''Class''': ''[sing-song]'' Uter likes Milhouse!
:'''Largo''': ''Nobody'' likes Milhouse! Lisa, you've got detention!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Well, most women will tell you that you're a fool to think you can change a man, but those women are quitters.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': What?
:'''Marge''': When I first met your father, he was loud, crude, and piggish. But I worked hard on him, and now he's a whole new person.
:'''Lisa''': Mom...?
:'''Marge''': He's a ''whole new person'', Lisa.
:'''Lisa''': Oh, I know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jimbo''': ''[clucks and flaps his arms; to Nelson]'' Chicken!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Ned]]''': ''[answer on the phone]'' Howdily-doodely.
:'''Homer''': ''[recording]'' Greetings, friends. Do you wish to look as--
:'''Ned''': ''[hangs up]'' Oh, it's that darn recording again.
:'''Maude''': Of course it was. It's been calling all night. Just unplug the phone.
:''[Ned turns out the light and the phone rings again]''
:'''Ned''': Howdily-di--
:'''Homer''': ''[recording]'' Greetings, friends.
:'''Ned''': ''[hangs up again]'' Dang!
:'''Maude''': I told you to unplug the phone.
:'''Ned''': But it could be my mother! ''[the phone rings again; answers it]'' Howdy--
:'''Homer''': ''[recording]'' Greetings, friends.
:'''Ned''': ''[hangs up again]'' Shoot!
:'''Maude''': That is it, Ned! If you don't unplug that phone right now, you're sleeping on the lawn!
:'''Homer''': ''[shouts through the window]'' '''WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?! PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skinner''': Who's out there? Give me your names, so I can tell the police.
:'''Agnes''': ''[off-screen]'' Seymour! What's going on? What's that odor?
:'''Skinner''': Go back to bed, Mother. I've got it under control. Listen, you crumb bums, if you think I'm impressed, I am not…
:''[Skinner is stunned at Nelson and his friends mooning at him]''
:'''Skinner''': Oh, brandishing your buttocks is only making me angrier!
:'''Agnes''': ''[off-screen]'' I wanna see what's going on!
:'''Skinner''': No, Mother! Don't look out the window!
:''[Agnes screams and Skinner sighs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ned''': ''[answers on the phone]'' Howd--
:'''Homer''': ''[recording]'' Greetings, friends.
:'''Maude''': ''[off-screen]'' Ned, did you plug that phone back in?
:'''Homer''': ''[shouts again]'' '''SHUT UP!!!''' ''[slams the window]''

==''[[w:Hurricane Neddy|Hurricane Neddy]]''==
:'''Ned''': Was that, uh, was that toilet always next to the refrigerator?
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Uh, Ned, you ever try lugging a toilet up a flight of stairs?
:'''Bart''': Lisa and I built your room.
:'''[[w:Rod Flanders|Rod]]''' ''[taking down poster]'' I don't like this clown!
:'''Bart''': Ah, I wouldn't take it down if I were you. It's a load-bearing poster.
:''[A crack ripples through the upper wall and up to the celling. Homer, Apu and Ned walk alongside the uneven walls and five to six sided doorways. Static makes Ned's hair stand up and his moustache hair stick out. The static is coming from the room filled with electricity]''
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasappemapetilon|Apu]]''': This is the room with electricity. But it has too much electricity. So, I don't know, you might want to wear a hat.
:'''Ned''': Uh-huh. ''[walks further down the hallway]'' Floor feels a little gritty here.
:'''Moe''': Yeah, we ran out of floorboards there, so we painted the dirt. Pretty clever!
:''[Ned turns down a hallway, and the angle denotes a normal hallway, but it was all an optical illusion. the hallway is actually extremely small.]''
:'''Ned''': Oh, something is definitely wrong with this hallway.
:''[He opens a 4-inch-tall door]''
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': Come on in! It's your master bedroom! ''[Ned shuts the dollhouse-sized door]'' Ow! My nose!
:'''Ned''': Well, I've seen about enough.
:''[Outside, Homer concludes the tour]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': So, Flanders, what do you think of the house that love built? ''[taps the door, and the first level of the house immediately collapses, and after a few seconds, so does the second level, leaving the whole house a pile of rubble once more]'' Aw, shoot.
:''[Ned walks away and begin to cleans his glasses, a lens snaps off, he groans, and puts his glasses on]''
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Ned]]''': Now calm down, Neddilly-diddly-diddly-diddly-doodly... They did their best, shodilly-iddly-iddly-diddly... Gotta be nice, hostility-ility-biddly-diddly... ''[screams in frustration]'' '''AW, HELL, DIDDLY-DING-DONG ''CRAP!'' CAN'T YOU MORONS DO ''ANYTHING'' RIGHT?!'''
:''[Everyone gasps]''
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Hey!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Ned, we meant well! And everyone here tried their best--
:'''Ned''': '''WELL, MY FAMILY AND I CAN'T LIVE IN GOOD INTENTIONS, MARGE! OH, YOUR FAMILY'S OUT OF CONTROL, BUT WE CAN'T BLAME YOU, BECAUSE YOU HAVE &quot;GOOD INTENTIONS&quot;!'''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Hey, back off, man!
:'''Ned''': Ooh, okay, '''''dude!''''' I wouldn't want you to have a cow, '''''man!''''' Here's a catchphrase you better learn for your adult years: &quot;Hey, buddy, ''''GOT A QUARTER?!'''&quot;
:''[Everyone gasps again and murmured]''
:'''Bart''': I am shocked and appalled.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Mr. Flanders, with all due respect, Bart didn't do anything.
:'''Ned''': ''[gasps sarcastically]'' Do I hear the sound of butting in?! It's gotta be little Lisa Simpson, Springfield's answer to '''A QUESTION NO ONE ASKED!''' ''[Chief Wiggum laughs]'' What do we have here? ''[shakes Chief Wiggum's belly]'' The long, flabby arm of the law?! The last case ''you'' got to the bottom of '''WAS A CASE OF MALLOWMARS!'''
:'''Krusty''': ''[opens a notebook and begins writing]'' Mallowmars, oh, that's going in the act.
:'''Ned''': Oh, yeah, the clown. The only one of you buffoons who ''doesn't'' make me laugh! ''[to Lenny]'' And as for ''you'', I don't know you but I'm sure you're a jerk!
:'''[[w:Lenny Leonard|Lenny]]''': Hey, I've only been here a few minutes. What's going on?
:'''Ned''': ''[to Moe]'' You ugly, hate-filled man!
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': ''[outraged and offended]'' Hey, hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I... ''[then confused]'' um... what was the third thing you said?
:''[Deleted Scene]''
:'''Ned''': ''[to Milhouse]'' '''WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, FOUR-EYES?!'''
:'''Milhouse''': But... but you have glasses too!
:''[Ned walks over to Homer]''
:'''Ned''': ''[calmly  yet coldly and sternly]'' Homer... you are the worst human being I have ever met. ''[starts to storm away]''
:'''Homer''': Hey, I got off pretty easy.
:''[After concluding his nervous breakdown, Ned walks away in front of the shocked crowd]''
:'''[[w:Maude Flanders|Maude]]''': Neddy, uh, wait. Where are you going?
:''[Ned gets into his car and drives away. Once far enough from all this, he turns on the radio, calmly humming to Aloha Oe. Reaching his destination, he signals right, and drives through the gates of the Calmwood Mental Hospital. At Calmwood Mental Hospital, Ned told the nurse]''
:'''Ned''': I just attacked all my friends and neighbors just for trying to help me. I'd like to commit myself.
:'''Nurse''': Very well. Shall I show you to your room, or would you prefer to be dragged off kicking and screaming?
:'''Ned''': Ooh, kicking and screaming, please.
:'''Nurse''': As you wish.
:''[Two men in white grab hold of him and drag him away]''
:'''Ned''': '''NO!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Thirty years previously, young Ned and his beatnik parents are in Dr. Foster's office. Ned is wreaking havoc]''
:'''Dr. Foster''': Well, I'm afraid young Ned is usually aggressive, but I can't seem to find a cause for it. ''[noticing young Ned climbing the bookshelf]'' Hey! Hey! Get down from that bookshelf, please! Most of those books haven't been discredited yet! ''[to Ned's parents]'' Would you please tell your son to stop?
:'''Ned's Dad''': We can't do it, man. That's discipline. That's like tellin' Gene Krupa not to go ''[starts banging on the desk, imitating playing drums]'' boom boom bam bam bam, boom boom bam bam bam, boom boom boom bam ba ba ba ba, da boo boo tss!
:'''Dr. Foster''': Mmm... Lack of discipline. I'm beginning to see the problem.
:'''Ned's Dad''': We don't believe in rules, like, we gave them up when we started livin' like freaky beatniks.
:'''Dr. Foster''': You don't believe in rules, yet you want to control Ned's anger.
:'''Ned's Mom''': Yeah. You gotta help us, Doc. We've tried nothin' and we're all out of ideas.
:'''Dr. Foster''': Hmm... There is an experimental therapy that might help Ned contain his anger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[addressing Dr. Foster in the mirror]'' Aw, that's it, you just can't insult this guy. You call him a moron and he just sits there, grinning moronly.
:'''Ned''': ''[to mirror]'' Hi, neighbor!
:'''Homer''': You know what your problem is, Flanders? You're afraid to be human.
:'''Ned''': Why would you say that?
:'''Homer''': Because humans are obnoxious sometimes. Humans ''hate'' things.
:'''Ned''': Well maybe a few of them do, back east.

==''[[w:The Mysterious Voyage of Homer |El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer]]''==
:'''Homer''': What's that smell? Onions? Chili powder? Cumin? Juicy ground chuck?! It's chili!! Oh my God, I'm missing the chili cook-off! ''[whining, fidgeting]'' I'm missing the cook-off! It's going on right now, and I'm missing it!
:'''Marge''': ''[annoyed]'' All right! I ''was'' trying to keep it from you, but I had a good reason. Every time you go to that cook-off, you get as drunk as a poet on payday. Don't you remember what happened last year?
:''[Flashback to the previous year, in which a naked Homer frolics inside a [[w:cotton candy|cotton candy]] machine, a bottle of Duff in each hand]''
:'''Homer''': Look at me... I'm a puffy pink cloud!
:''[He climbs out of the machine, scaring several kids, then lies down on the ground, where dogs lick at him. Back to the present]''
:'''Homer''': Well, of course, ''everything'' looks bad if you remember it. Now where are my chili boots? ''[finds them in the closet]'' A-ha!
:'''Marge''': Okay, we'll go to the chili cook-off, but I want you to promise that you won't have any beer.
:'''Homer''': ''[pulling his chili boots on]'' Okay, quit nagging me, I won't have any beer! Sheesh, why don't you have a cigarette or something?
:'''Marge''': Mm, I suppose I could.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Outside the lighthouse, Homer sees a sign saying that it is operated by Earl. Deciding that Earl is his soulmate, he rushes inside]''
:'''Homer''': Here I come, buddy! No more loneliness for Homer and Earl!
:''[But when he enters the main room, he discovers that Earl is the &quot;Electronic Automatic Robotic Lighthouse&quot;]''
:'''Homer''': A machine?! Earl's a machine?! ''[sarcastic]'' Oh, that's just perfect! Homer's desperate search for a soulmate has yielded a lighthouse-keeping robot. Oh, wow.
:''[His silhouette is projected by the lighthouse. Bart and Lisa see it as they brush their teeth]''
:'''Bart''': Hey, look! Is that Dad?
:'''Lisa''': Either that, or [[Batman]]'s [[w:Bat-Signal|really let himself go]]...

==''[[w:The Springfield Files|The Springfield Files]]''==
:'''[[Leonard Nimoy]]''': Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is no. Now our story begins on a Friday morning in a little town called Springfield...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer encounters a glowing alien in a clearing]''
:'''Homer''': ''[whimpers in fear]'' Please! Don't hurt me!
:'''Alien''': Don't be afraid.
:''[Homer runs away screaming, creating &quot;Yahhh!&quot; in the grass as he goes]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Scully''': Now we're gonna run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes or no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?
:'''Homer''': Yes.
:''[Lie detector explodes]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mulder''': ''[after subjecting Homer to a physical and numerous medical tests, Scully has set him on a treadmill]'' Wait a minute, Scully. What's the point of this test?
:'''Scully''': No point. I just figured he could stand to lose some weight.
:'''Mulder''': ''[seeing the movement of Homer's belly]'' His jiggling is almost hypnotic.
:'''Scully''': Yes. It's like a lava lamp.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': Please, just let it be?
:'''Homer''': No, I can't. This is my cause. I'm like the man who singlehandedly built the rocket and went to the moon. What was his name? [[w:Apollo Creed|Apollo Creed?]]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': This Friday, we're going back to the woods and we're going to find that alien!
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': What if we don't?
:'''Homer''': We'll fake it, and sell it to the Fox network.
:'''Bart''': ''[chuckles]'' They'll buy anything.
:'''Homer''': Now son, they do a lot of quality programming, too.
:''[After a short pause, they both burst into laughter.]''
:'''Homer''': I kill me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[Leonard Nimoy]]''': And so, from this simple man came the proof that we are not alone in the universe, I'm Leonard Nimoy. Good night.
:'''[[w:Squeaky-Voiced Teen|Squeaky-Voiced Teen]]''': ''[off camera]'' Uh, Mr. Nimoy? We have ten minutes left.
:'''[[Leonard Nimoy]]''': Oh. Uh, fine. Let me, uh, just get something out of my car.
:''[He runs out of the room, starts his car and drives off]''
:'''Squeaky-Voiced Teen''': I don't think he's coming back.

==''[[w:The Twisted World of Marge Simpson|The Twisted World of Marge Simpson]]''==
:'''Man''': That's the miracle of the franchise. You get all the equipment and know-how you need, plus a familiar brand-name people trust. You'll be on a rocket-ride to the moon! And while you're there, would you pick up some of that nice, green moon money for Royce McCutcheon!
:'''Homer''': No deal McCutcheon, that moon money is mine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge has decided to go into the pretzel business.]''
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': What's my territory?
:'''Frank Ormand''': Your territory? Well, let me put it this way: wherever a young mother is ignorant as to what to feed her baby, you'll be there. Wherever nacho penetration is less than total, you'll be there. Wherever a Bavarian is not quite full, you'll be there.
:'''Marge''': Don't forget fat people, they can't stop eating.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': [passing by] Hey, pretzels.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer goes to Frank Ormand's house and a woman in black answers the door.]''
:'''Homer''': I'm here to see Mr. Ormand.
:'''Woman''': Of course. Right this way.
:''[In the living room is Ormand's funeral being held]''
:'''Homer''': Oh, I guess I should speak to the executor of his estate.
:'''Woman''': ''[whispering]'' He's right over there. ''[points to another coffin]'' They were in the same car.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge arrives at the school loading zone. An unshaven and ragged Skinner appears]''
:'''Marge''': Are you sure the children will get enough nutrition from these pretzels?
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Skinner]]''': ''[monotonous]'' Yes I am sure. ''[a bandaged hand gives Marge money]'' Sure as sure can be.
:'''Marge''': Oh my God. What happened to your fingers?
:'''Legs''': ''[off-camera]'' Boating accident.
:'''Skinner''': I believe it was a... boaking accident. ''[a [[w:Laser applications#Laser sight|laser sight]] is aimed at his temple]'' I have to go now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fat Tony''': Greetings, Homer.
:'''Homer''': Hey! Fat Tony! You still with the mafia?
:'''Fat Tony''': Uh, uh, yes, I am. Thank you for asking. Now, Homer, as you no doubt recall, you were done a favor by our, uh, how shall I say...Mafia Crime Syndicate.
:'''Homer''': Oh yeah.
:'''Fat Tony''': Now the time has come for you to do us a favor.
:'''Homer''': ''[Gasp]'' You mean the mob only did me a favor to get something in return? ''[Disappointed]'' Oh, Fat Tony. I will bid good day to you sir.
:'''Fat Tony''': Okay...I will go ''[exits the building]''...Hey...wait a minute.

==''[[w:Mountain of Madness|Mountain of Madness]]''==
:''[A sip is all that's needed to boost his batteries.]''
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': We need some excitement around here!
:'''[[w:Waylon Smithers|Smithers]]''': Chinese checkers or domestic, sir?
:'''Mr. Burns''': No, no. Something fun. Something the men will enjoy... like a safety drill! But what kind? Meltdown alert? Mad dog drill? Blimp attack? Ah... I think a good old-fashioned fire drill today. ''[presses the &quot;Fire Drill&quot; button as the alarm goes off, most people just stare, intrigued]''
:'''[[w:Carl Carlson|Carl]]''': All right, popcorn's ready! ''[takes the bag out of the microwave and pours kernels in a bowl]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Hey! That's the fire alarm!
:'''Carl''': We gotta get out of here!
:''[They run out of the cafeteria]''
:'''[[w:Lenny Leonard|Lenny]]''': Wait for me! ''[filling a cup at the cocoa machine]'' Come on, come on, come on!
:''[All around the plant, it's panic and havoc. One man grabs an extinguisher, and proceeds to hit anyone nearing him.]''
:'''Man''': Get out of my way!
:''[Homer storms into his sector and frantically tries to decide which framed picture on his panel he should rescue. Out of all the family photos, he chooses a black and white of himself dressed like a cowboy.]''
:'''Man''': Fire, fire, fire, fire, fire, fire, fire, fire!
:''[Mr. Burns and Smithers stand outside the plant, waiting for Burns' victims to evacuate.]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Is it supposed to take this long? What's a good time for a mass evacuation of the entire plant?
:'''Smithers''': Forty-five seconds!
:'''Mr. Burns''': And what's our time so far?
:'''Smithers''': I don't know, sir. This stopwatch only goes up to fifteen minutes.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Damnation! What kind of slow coaches do I have working for me? Ah. Here comes one of our fellows now.
:''[Homer runs out the door and shuts the door and secures it with a bench, before he runs, panting, to his boss.]''
:'''Homer''': I think I won, Mr. Burns.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yes! ''[Hauntingly]'' You won, all right! You won more than you bargained for.
:'''Homer''': Woo-hoo!
:''[Mr. Burns scolds his employees (who finally made an escape, albeit messily) for showing a lack of teamwork. Lenny and Carl get into a fistfight, proving his point. The crowd cheers the fight, but Mr. Burns shows disappointment.]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': What a disgraceful display! I've seen more orderly behavior in a Ritz Brothers film. You all need a serious lesson in teamwork.
:'''Carl''': Maybe he does, but I don't.
:'''Lenny''': Hey, you take that back!
:'''Carl''': No! You take that back!
:'''Homer''': Hit him, Carl! You too, Lenny! D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': So, Burns is gonna make us all go on a stupid corporate retreat up in the mountains to learn about teamwork. Which means we'll have to cancel our plans to hang around here.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Teamwork is overrated.
:'''Homer''': Huh?
:'''Bart''': Think about it. I mean, what team was [[Babe Ruth]] on? Who knows.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]/[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Yankees.
:'''Bart''': [[Sharing]] is a bunch of bull, too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about [[tolerance]]?
:'''Homer''': Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. But I think we have to go to the retreat anyway.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Employees are teamed up by pulling names out of a hat]''
:'''Smithers''': ''[Draws a name]'' Homer Simpson, and ''[draws another]'' Mr. Burns?
:'''Homer''': ''[Disappointed]'' AWWW!!
:'''Homer's Brain''': Quiet, you idiot. You're on the only team that can't possibly be fired!
:'''Homer''': ''[Intrigued]'' Oh...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Smithers is hiking up the snowy mountain, alone, cursing Mr. Burns]''
:'''Smithers''': How could you do this to me, Mr. Burns?  After all I've done for you.  Why, if you were here, I'd kick you right in your boney old behind!
:''[&quot;boney old behind&quot; echoes through the mountain, Mr. Burns and Homer hear it]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Why, thank you, Simpson!  I have been watching my figure.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Smokey the Bear Robot''': Only who can prevent forest fires?
:''[out of choices &quot;you&quot; and &quot;me&quot;, Bart presses &quot;you&quot;]''
:'''Smokey the Bear Robot''': You pressed &quot;You&quot; referring to me. The correct answer was you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Montgomery Burns|Burns]]''': Ah sitting, the great leveler. From the lowliest peasant to the mightiest pharaoh, who does not enjoy a good sit?
:'''Homer''': Oh, man, you are so right. Did you ever sit like this?
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yes, yes, that's it. Oh, I could go for one of those right now. Ahh! The only hard part is getting up.
:'''Homer''': He-he. Why get up? Here's a little move I have been tinkering with. Say I wanted that bowl of dip.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Why, you'd have to get up.
:'''Homer''': Oh?
:''[Homer pounds table, which causes bowl to leap several times until it comes into Homer's hand]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Sir, I am in your debt.
:'''Homer''': Use it wisely, my friend.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[An avalanche rumbles in the distance]''
:'''Lenny''': ... Hey, did you hear something?
:'''Carl''': No?
:'''Lenny''': Hm. Did I?
:'''Carl''': I don't know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': [''after multiple avalanches caused''] Those last three avalanches were your fault, Simpson!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carl''': According to the map, the cabin should be right here.
:'''Lenny''': Hey, maybe there is no cabin.  Maybe it's one of them metaphorical things.
:'''Carl''': Oh yeah, yeah...  Like maybe the cabin is the place inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork.
:'''Lenny''': ''[in a flash of insight]'' Ohhh! Nah, they said there would be sandwiches.

==''[[w:Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious|Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious]]''==
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': All right, Marge, I'll get you your nanny. And to pay for it, I'll give up the Civil War recreation society I love so much. 
:''[at Moe's, everyone, including Moe, is dressed like 1800s military generals]''
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': ''[hangs up the phone]'' Well, Homer's out. We gotta find a new General Ambrose Burnside.
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': ''[dressed like Lincoln]'' And I'm not too crazy about our Stonewall Jackson.
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilan|Apu]]''': ''[Apu emerges from the men's room dressed like a Hindu military official]'' The south shall ''come again''!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kearney applies for the nanny position]''
:'''Kearney''': I'm here for the nanny job. I'll keep a watchful eye on your kids, and if they get outta line...''[pounds his fist into his hand]'': Pow!
:'''Homer''': I like him!
:'''Kearney''': ''[to Homer]'' Thanks. Hey, where do ya keep the liquor?
:'''Homer''': I hide a bottle of Schnapps in the baby's crib.
:'''Marge''': ''[to Kearney]'' I'm sorry, young man. You're not what we're looking for!
:'''Kearney''': ''[walks away, muttering]'' Tellin' me, ya blue-haired witch.
:'''Marge''': I heard that!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Shary''': Hello, I'm Shary Bobbins.
:'''Homer''': Did you say [[Mary Poppins (film)|Mary Pop]]—
:'''Shary''': ''[interrupts]'' No, I definitely did not! I'm an original creation, like [[Mickey Mouse|Rickey Rouse]] and [[w:Donald Duck|Monald Muck]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shary''': ''[drunk, singing]'' ''[[w:Margaritaville|Wasting away again in Margaritaville...]]''
:'''Barney''': ''[drunk, singing]'' ''Searching for my lost shaker of salt'' – oh, here it is!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During the Krusty Komedy Klassic: Krusty steps out onstage. Three white &quot;K&quot;s are behind him]''
:'''Krusty the Clown''': Hey-hey! It's great to be here at the Apollo Theater, and -- ''[notices the [[w: Ku Klux Klan|unfortunate initials]] of his comedy special behind him]'': &quot;KKK&quot;? ''That's'' not good. ''[audience begins booing and chucking bottles and tomatoes at him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Host''': Now, let’s take a look at a young Charles Bronson’s brief stint replacing Andy Griffith in ''The Andy Griffith Show''.
:''[Cut to scene from said show; Barney Fife is standing in front of the desk where Charles Bronson is sitting reading a newspaper]''
:'''Barney Fife''': Where’s Otis? He’s not in his cell!
:'''Charles Bronson''': I shot him.
:'''Barney Fife''': Well, that’s- ''[suddenly realizing what Bronson said]'' '''WHAT?'''
:'''Charles Bronson''' ''[stands up and pulls out a revolver]'': Now I’m goin’ down to Emmett’s Fix-It Shop. ''[cocks gun]'' To...”fix” Emmett. ''[walks away whistling the show theme]''

==''[[w:The Itchy &amp; Scratchy &amp; Poochie Show|The Itchy &amp; Scratchy &amp; Poochie Show]]''==
:'''Network Executive Lady''': We at the network want a dog with attitude. He's edgy, he's &quot;in your face.&quot; You've heard the expression, &quot;let's get busy&quot;? Well, this is a dog who gets &quot;biz-zay!&quot; Consistently and thoroughly.
:'''Krusty''': So he's proactive, huh?
:'''Network Executive Lady''': Oh, God, yes. We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm.
:'''Writer''': Excuse me, but &quot;proactive&quot; and &quot;paradigm&quot;? Aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that. ''[pause]'' I'm fired, aren't I?
:'''Roger Myers Jr.''': Oh, yes.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''June Bellamy''': Relax, Homer. You'll do fine. I'm June Bellamy. I do the voices of Itchy and Scratchy.
:'''Homer''': You? But you're a lady.
:'''June''': ''[mimicking Itchy]'' She's a lady, all right. ''[mimicking Scratchy]'' A beautiful lady.
:'''Homer''': ''[laughing]'' Hey, that really is you. How did you get to be so good?
:'''June''': Oh, just experience, I suppose. I started out as [[w:Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner|Road Runner]]. ''[mimicking The Road Runner]'' Meep!
:'''Homer''': You mean &quot;Meep, meep&quot;?
:'''June''': No. They only paid me to say it once, then they doubled it on the soundtrack. Cheap bastards.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:List of recurring The Simpsons characters#Benjamin Doug and Gary|Doug]]''': Uh, question for Ms. Bellamy. In episode [[w:Homer the Great|2F09]]*, when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is some sort of a... ''[the nerds chuckle]'' a magic xylophone or something? Gee, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.
:'''June''': Uh, well, uh...
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': I'll field this one. Let me ask ''you'' a question. Why would a man whose shirt says &quot;Genius at Work&quot; spend all of his time watching a children's cartoon show?
:'''Doug''': ''[embarrassed pause]'' I withdraw my question. ''[starts eating a candy bar]''
&lt;small&gt;2F09 is actually the production code for the season six ''Simpsons'' episode &quot;[[w:Homer the Great|Homer the Great]]&quot;&lt;/small&gt;

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''{{w|Comic Book Guy}}''': Last night's ''Itchy &amp; Scratchy'' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever! Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes registering my disgust throughout the world.
:'''Bart''': Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you have to complain?
:'''Comic Book Guy''': As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me.
:'''Bart''': What? They've given you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you? I mean, if anything, ''you'' owe ''them''!
:'''Comic Book Guy''': ''[pause]'' Worst Episode Ever. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[In the latest episode of &quot;Itchy and Scratchy,&quot; Itchy has frozen Scratchy in an ice block for an ice-sculpting contest. Itchy begins to slice Scratchy with a chainsaw, but then Poochie walks in.]''
:'''Scratchy''': Well, look who's here!
:'''Itchy''': Hi, Poochie. You look like you've got something to say. Do you?
:'''Poochie''': Yes, I certainly do! ''[his image freezes, and we hear Myers's voice dubbing over the image, saying…]'' I have to go now. My planet needs me.
:''[The animation cel with Poochie on it actually slides upward in a choppy manner as a slide-whistle sound is heard. Then a handwritten note in red marker appears, reading: &quot;NOTE: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet.&quot;]''
:'''Bart''': Wow! Poochie came from another planet?
:'''Lisa''': Uh, I guess...
:'''Homer''': Hey, that wasn't supposed to happen! Those finks double-crossed me! ''[see Krusty on TV]''
:'''Krusty''': Poochie's dead! ''[laughing; children in the audience cheer loudly]'' Well, kids, we all know that sometimes when cartoon characters die, they're back again the very next week. That's why I'm presenting this sworn {{w|affidavit}} that Poochie will never, ever, ''ever'' return! ''[Blue-Haired Lawyer examines the affidavit]''
:'''Blue-Haired Lawyer''': This document conforms to all applicable laws and statutes. ''[kids cheer]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jasper''': Is this seat taken, little girl?
:'''Bart''': I'm not a girl!  Are you blind?!
:'''Jasper''': ''[sadly]'' Yes...

==''[[w:Homer's Phobia|Homer's Phobia]]''==
:'''Homer''': [''he drops a heavy jar of pennies to the ground''] Aw, nuts! ''[echoes]'' Hello? China? Little help?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''John''': Homer, what have you got against gays?
:'''Homer''': You know! It's not...usual! If there was a law, it would be against it!
:'''Marge''': Oh, please, Homer, you're embarrassing yourself!
:'''Homer''': No, I'm not, Marge! ''They're'' embarrassing ''me''! They're embarrassing America! They turned the Navy into a floating joke. They ruined all our best names, like Bruce, and Lance, and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had! Now they're just, uh...
:'''John''': Queer?
:'''Homer''': Yeah! And that's another thing: I resent ''you'' people using that word. That's ''our'' word for making fun of you! We need it! Well, I'm taking back our word, and I'm taking back my son!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Roscoe''': ''[to workers]'' Hey! Listen up! I want all of youse to say hello to the Simpsons.
:'''Workers''': ''[waving in a [[w:Sissy|sissy]]-like way]'' Hell-o-o!
:'''Homer''': ''[gasps]'' Has the whole world gone insane?
:'''Steel Mill Worker #1''': ''[High-pitched effeminate voice]'' Stand still, there's a spark in your hair!
:'''Steel Mill Worker #2''': [''Similar voice''] Get it, get it, get it!
:''[Homer whimpers]''
:'''Steel Mill Worker #3''': ''[walks past Homer holding a vat of hot steel in hot pants]'' Hot stuff, comin' through!
:'''Homer''': Aah!
:'''Bart''': Dad, why'd you bring me to a gay steel mill?
:'''Homer''': I don't know! This is a NIGHTMARE! ''[to the workers; angrily turns red]'' YOU'RE ALL SICK!
:'''Steel Mill Worker #4''': ''[waves his hand]'' Oh, be nice!
:'''Homer''': Ohh! My son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world's gone gay! ''[a whistle goes off]'' Oh my God, what's happening now?
:'''Roscoe''': We work hard. We play hard.
:''[He pulls a chain, and the entire mill is transformed into a night club called &quot;The Anvil&quot;, with all the workers dancing to &quot;Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)&quot;. Homer slowly backs away, frightened, covering Bart's eyes.]''

==''[[w:Brother from Another Series|Brother from Another Series]]''==
:'''Announcer''': It's the Krusty the Klown Prison Special!
:'''[[w:Krusty the Klown|Krusty]]''': ''[singing]'' [[w:Folsom Prison Blues|I slugged some jerk in Tahoe, they gave me one-to-three / My high-priced lawyer sprung me on a technicality / I'm just visiting Springfield Prison / I get to sleep at home tonight...]]
:''[Angry mutterings from the convict audience.]''
:'''Krusty''': Hey, I kid! I kid 'cause I love! I tell ya, the best folk in the world are prison folk!
:''[Cheering.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Man, those cons love Krusty! I guess inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': And vice versa.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Sideshow Bob|Sideshow Bob]]''': And whenever I could find a spare moment, I've tried to murder Bart Simpson.
:''[Bart screams as he sees Sideshow Bob on TV, runs upstairs to his room, door closes]''
:'''Homer''': He said tried!
:'''Marge''': Someone should really go up there and talk to him.
:''[Lisa sighs as she goes upstairs to checks on Bart in his room]''
:''[Homer sighs]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Homer''': Ohh, all those stairs.
:''[Homer, Marge and Maggie goes upstairs to checks on Bart in his room]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''''Title Card''''': [[w:Frasier|Frasier]] is a hit show on the NBC Television Network.
:'''Cecil''': Now make yourself at home. Perhaps a glass of Bordeaux? ''[Picks up two wine bottles]'' I have the '82 [[w:Château Latour|Château Latour]] and a rather indifferent [[w:Château Rauzan-Ségla|Rausan-Ségla]].
:'''Bob''': I've been in prison, Cecil. I'll be happy just as long it doesn't taste like orange drink fermented under a radiator.
:'''Cecil''': That would be the Latour, then. ''[Cecil pours the Latour into a wine glass]''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sideshow Bob''': Oh, come now! You've wanted to be Krusty's sidekick since you were five! What about the buffoon lessons, the four years at clown college?
:'''Cecil''': I'll thank you not to refer to [[w:Princeton University|Princeton]] that way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Cecil''': Thanks for driving me, big brother. These giants clown mitts are extremely hilarious, but they do make it difficult to shift gears.
:'''Bob''': That's the title of [[w:Erma Bombeck|Erma Bombeck's]] latest, isn't it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[During Cecil's audition to be Krusty's sidekick, his pie gag falls flat. Krusty and his producers are unimpressed.]''
:'''Krusty''': Free comedy tip, Slick: the pie gag's only funny if the sap's got dignity. ''[notices Bob dressed up]'' Like that guy. Hey, Hal! Pie job for Lord Autumnbottom there!
:''[A pie hits Bob in the face. His hat flies off and his hair springs up to his signature palm tree afro with a &quot;boing!&quot; sound.]'' 
:'''Bob''': Oh, dear.
:''[Krusty and his producers laugh uproariously. Gradually, Bob begins to appreciate the recognition and smiles.]''
:'''Krusty''': That guy's a genius!  He's gonna change the way we think about getting hit by pies. You're hired!
:''[Cecil is dismayed when he sees Bob getting hired for a job he wanted so bad.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Cecil''': When that pie hit your face, I saw my dreams explode in a burst of cream and crust. But I suppose I should thank you. After all, it lead me to my true calling.
:'''Bob''': Cecil, no civilisation in history has ever considered chief hydrological engineer a calling.
:''[Cecil clears his throat]''
:'''Bob''': Yes, yes, the Cappadocians, fine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Cecil and Bob arrive at a flowing river by the cliff.]
:'''Cecil''': Here it is, the future site of the Springfield Hydroelectric Dam.
:'''Bob''': Just the thought of all that raw surging power makes me wonder why the Hell I should care.
:'''Cecil''': Because you'll be supervising the construction crew.
:'''Bob''': Oh great. Whenever a woman passes by, I suppose it will be my job to lead the hooting. 'Oh yeah! Shake it, madam. Capital knockers!'

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[After Cecil locks Bob, Bart and Lisa inside the collapsing dam]''
:'''Lisa''': Oh, it's hopeless. Utterly, utterly hopeless!
:'''Bob''': ''[offended]'' Oh, I see. When it's one of ''my'' schemes, you can't foil it fast enough, but when ''Cecil'' tries to kill you, ''[mockingly]'' &quot;it's hopeless. Utterly, utterly hopeless!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Cecil''': ''[to Bob and Bart as he is about to blow up the dam with dynamite]'' There may be a slight ringing in your ears. Fortunately, you'll be nowhere near them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bob''': I'm older, I get the top bunk!
:'''Cecil''': Oh poppycock! I called it at the arraignment!

==''[[w:My Sister, My Sitter|My Sister, My Sitter]]''==
:''[Homer answers the door to Ned Flanders]''
:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Ned]]''': Homer, I've got a Fozzie of a bear of a problem! See, Maude and her mother were visiting Tyre and Sidon, the twin cities of the Holy Land. Well, they must have kneeled in the wrong place, and prayed to the wrong god, because, well, they're being held prisoner by militants of some sort!
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Militants, huh? Well, if I were you, I'd kick their asses.
:'''Ned''': Well, any whodilly-doodle, the embassy says it's a routine hostage-taking, but I have to drive to Capitol City and fill out forms to get them out.  Could you possibly watch the kids tonight?
:'''Homer''': Oh, gee, I'd really love to wanna help you, Flanders, but, uh... Marge was... taken prisoner in the....Holy Land, and, uh...
:'''Lisa''': ''[tugging at Homer's hand]'' I'll do it! I'll babysit!
:'''Ned''': Well, I dunno, Lisa. You're awfully young, and the boys can be a handful. Todd's been pinching everyone lately!
:'''Lisa''': But I'm smart and responsible and my parents will be right next door!
:'''Ned''': Well, whaddya say, Homer? Can Lisa babysit my kids?
:'''Lisa''': Please, please, please?
:'''Homer''': Eh, I'll have to ask her. ''[slams the door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[When Homer drives through the waterfront at the Squidport grand opening]''
:'''Homer''': I love these pedestrian malls. There's practically no traffic.
:'''Marge''': Homer, I think you should stop. The mayor's yelling at us.
:'''[[w:Mayor Quimby|Mayor Quimby]]''': ''[shouts]'' Stop! You idiots!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lisa drags Bart upstairs to put him to bed]''
:'''Lisa''': Why do you have to make this so hard?
:'''Bart''': I'm using nonviolent resistance.
:'''Lisa''': Ugh! The idea that you would compare yourself to Mahatma Gandhi...
:'''Bart''': Who?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa''': ''[sees Bart eating a bread]''  I thought I told you to go to bed.
:'''Bart''': Yeah right, bread. You said go to bread.
:'''Lisa''': ''[clenched her teeth]'' I said, go to bed!
:'''Bart''': Yeah. Go to bread.
:'''Lisa''': B-E-D! BED!
:'''Bart''': Oh, bed. Oh! Anything you say sis. ''[leaves the table]''
:''[Lisa twitches her eye, growling, later, Lisa checks on Bart, he is not in his room, Lisa finds Bart jumping on Homer and Marge's bed]''
:'''Bart''': You didn't say which bed!
:'''Lisa''': Go to your bed!
:'''Bart''': Make me!
:'''Lisa''': I'll make you! ''[lunges after him, Bart leaps off Homer and Marge's bed]''
:'''Bart''': If you want me, you gotta catch me! ''[Lisa lunges at him, he leaps backwards]'' Almost. ''[Lisa leaps into the floor]'' Oh, so close.
:'''Lisa''': Bart! ''[lunges at Bart, until Bart accidentally falls down the stairs, seriously injured himself along the way]''
:'''Bart''': Son of a- ''[crashes at the bottom and lays motionless]''
:'''Lisa''': Oh, my God!
:'''Krusty''': ''[sees Bart injured]'' Okay, we'll call it even if I can just have some of that big sandwich. Oh. ''[nervous chuckle]'' I'll come back. ''[leaves]''
:''[Lisa gasps in horror]''

==''[[w:Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment|Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment]]''==
:'''Moe''': ''[as he enters the bar, carrying a jug of green rat poison]'' Listen up! This is the busiest drinking day of the year. Where are the designated drivers? ''[Two men raise their hands].'' BEAT IT! I got no room for cheapskates.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Joe Quimby|Mayor Quimby]]''': You can't seriously want to ban alcohol! It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Marge''': What happened to you Homer? And what have you done to the car?
:'''Homer''': Nothing.
:'''Marge''': I don't think it had broken axles before.
:'''Homer''': Before, before. You're living in the past, Marge, quit living in the past!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Barney Gumble shows up drunk and puts his face against a diner window]''
:'''Barney''': Hello fishies.''[Belches]''
:''[Rex Banner punches the window out with his bare hand and grabs Barney]''
:'''Banner''': Aright rummy, I'm gonna say it to ya plain and simple. Where'd ya pinch the hooch? Is some [[w:speakeasy|Blind Tiger]] jerkin' suds on the side?
:'''Barney''': ''[Pause]'' ...Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Homer and Bart come out of the basement with another wheelbarrow of bowling balls filled with beer]''
:'''Homer''': Wait a minute, I forgot to make sure the coast was clear. Eh, it's probably clear, let's go.
:''[Homer walks forward with the wheelbarrow of bowling balls, but stops when Marge and Lisa are stood in the way. He shrieks and the wheelbarrow falls over, with the bowling balls sprawling on the floor and the beer pours out.]''
:'''Marge''': Beer!
:'''Homer''': I can explain, Marge! Please let me explain! OH WHY WON'T YOU LET ME EXPLAIN?!
:'''Marge''': You're the one the papers have been talking about. That mysterious Beer Baron who's been supplying Springfield with alcohol. How have you been getting away with this?
:'''Homer''': Well... and I can explain remember. I fill the balls with beer that I found at the dump, then bowl them, and some underground pipes stick 'em into Moe's.
:'''Marge''': Homer, that's very clever!
:'''Homer''': Huh?
:'''Lisa''': ''[surprised]'' Mom?
:'''Marge''': Well it is. I've known your father since high school and this is the cleverest thing he's ever done. Besides, he's only breaking a silly 200-year old law.
:'''Homer''': It is silly, Marge. And look at all the money I'm making!
:''[Homer shows Marge the dollar bills.]''
:'''Marge''': Ooh!
:'''Lisa''': Mom! Prohibition may be unpopular, but it's the law, and we still have-
:''[Homer, Marge and Bart point upwards.]
:'''Homer, Marge and Bart''': '''''GO TO YOUR ROOM LISA!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Rex Banner''': What kind of pet shop is full of rambunctious yahoos, and hot jazz music at 1 a.m.?
:'''Moe''': Umm...Ahh...The best damn pet shop in town.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Barney''': Ow...! These gears down there really hurt!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Rex Banner suspiciously eyes passers-by on the sidewalk. He grabs Ned Flanders.]''
:'''Rex Banner''': Are you the Beer Baron?
:'''Ned''': Well, if you're talking about root beer, I plead guil-diddly-ilty as char-diddly-arged.
:'''Rex Banner''': ''[To Eddie and Lou]'' He's not the Baron. But he sounds drunk. Bring him in!
:''[Next, he grabs Comic Book Guy]''
:'''Rex Banner''': Are you the Baron?
:'''Comic Book Guy''': Yes, but only by night. By day, I'm a [[w: Clark Kent|mild-mannered reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper]].
:'''Rex Banner''': Don't crack wise with me, tubby!
:'''Comic Book Guy''': &quot;Tubby?&quot; ''[looking at his ample gut]'' Oh, yes. &quot;Tubby.&quot;
:''[Homer and Bart suddenly pass by, towing behind them a wagon full of hops, barley and sour mash.]''
:'''Homer''': Hey, Banner. How's it hangin'?
:'''Banner''': None of your business.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Homer and Bart are making [[w:Bathtub gin|bathtub gin]] and [[w:Moonshine|other liqor]] in the basement]''
:'''Lisa''': Now you're making your own alcohol? That's even more illegal than what you were doing before.
:'''Homer''': Lisa remember we're disobeying an [[w:Prohibition in the United States|unjust law]] here. We're patriots, like... all those people in jail.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Homer''': To alcohol! The cause of -- and solution to -- all of life's problems.

==''[[w:Grade School Confidential|Grade School Confidential]]''==
:''[Bart has seen Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel kissing.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': So I looked out the window, and there it was the grossest sight I have ever--
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Skinner]]''': ''[through speaker]'' Bart Simpson, report to the principal's office immediately!
:''[in the principal's office]''
:'''Skinner''': Now, Bart... son. I don't know what you ''think'' you saw but uh, let me assure you that...
:'''[[w:Edna Krabappel|Mrs. Krabappel]]''': What Seymour- oh, what Principal Skinner ''means'' to say, Bart, is that sometimes a little boy's imagination can run away with him!
:'''Bart''': ''That's'' the best you can do? You could have at ''least'' said you were giving her CPR or rehearsing a play!
:'''Skinner''': Is it... too late to say that?
:'''Bart''': Mmm-hmm!
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': ''[cough]'' We're just a little concerned. If people were to find out the principal was dating a teacher, they might see it as a conflict of interest.
:'''Skinner''': ''[chuckles]'' And there are those who ''might'' try to use it against us for their own advantage-
:'''Bart''': Like me, for one!
:'''Skinner''': Like you, for... Bart, if life has taught me one lesson repeatedly, it's to know ''when I'm beaten.'' Let's talk deal.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Wendell and his colleagues get food poisoning from the oysters at the Princes' backyard.]''
:'''Wendell''': Oh, my tummmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy!!!!'' [collapses on Martin Sr.'s shoes]''
:'''Martin Sr.: ''[to Martha]'' I told you we should've served cake instead of oysters!
:'''Martin''': I'm ruined!
:'''Nelson''': ''[punches Martin]'' Ha-haugh… ''[collapses on the ground]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Wait a minute. Bart's teacher's name is Krabappel? I've been calling her Crandall. Why didn't someone tell me? I've been making an idiot out of myself!
:'''[[w:Ralph Wiggum|Ralph]]''': Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.
:'''[[w:Chief Wiggum|Chief]]''': Baby looked at you?  Sarah, get me Superintendent Chalmers! ''[Sarah dials the phone]''  Thank you, Sarah!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Agnes Skinner|Agnes]]''': ''[to Bart, who is keeping her busy whilst Seymour and Edna sneak out]'' I collect pictures of wedding cakes from different periods. ''[She opens a book containing photographs of cakes]'' It all started in 1969 when Good Housekeeping featured a picture of a ''lovely'' cake.
:'''Bart''': You wouldn't happen to have any ''real'' cakes around here, would you?
:'''Agnes''': Oh my, no. Don't care for cake, too sweet. ''[points at a cake]'' Now, this is called a Lady Baltimore cake. At my age, I don't have that much saliva left, so you'll have to lick my thumb before I turn the page.
:'''Bart''': Aw, can't I just turn the page for you?
:'''Agnes''': ''[slaps his hand away, harsher]'' No! ''[sweetly]'' But you can pick out any picture you want to take home with you.
:'''Bart''': Erm...O.K. I'll take...that one.
:'''Agnes''': ''[slaps his hand away]'' NO!
:'''Bart''': Aah! What the-
:'''Agnes''': You can't have that one: that's a coconut cake!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Maude Flanders|Maude]]''': Excuse me, Edna, I don't think we're talking about love here! We're talking about s-e-x, in front of the c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n!
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': &quot;Sex Cauldron?&quot; I thought they closed that place down!

==''[[w:The Canine Mutiny|The Canine Mutiny]]''==
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': Mmm, yes, I remember Satan's Little Helper...littering the rectory with his dirt, biting me in the apse.
:'''Agnes''': ''[yells angrily]'' He unholied the holy water!
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': That's him, all right. I'll be happy to take him off your hands.
:'''Reverend''': Oh, I'm afraid that's impossible, Bart. He's no longer among us.
:'''Bart''': ''[gasps in terror]'' You didn't crucify him?
:'''Reverend''': ''[hearty laugh]'' No, he's safely with one of our parishioners. I'll give you his address if you like.
:'''Agnes''': And then buy something or get out! ''[Rev. Lovejoy gives her an angry look.]'' Angel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I'm going to get the dog back!
:'''Homer''': The bad dog or the good dog?
:'''Bart''': The bad dog.
:'''Homer''': Oh, good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Excuse me, did you repossess this dog from a guy named Santos L. Harper?
:'''Repo Man''': Yeah, I remember this mutt. We sold him to some guy wearing a dress.
:''[At Patty and Selma's front door]''
:'''Selma''': No Bart, I did not buy your dog. Now, I gotta go keep an eye on Selma. She thinks she swallowed a band aid.
:''[Inside Groundskeeper Willy's shack]''
:'''Willy''': Yea I had your dog and I ate him. ''[takes a bite of chicken]''
:'''Bart''': ''[Gasps in horror]''
:'''Willy''': Aye, I 'ate his little face. I 'ate his guts and I 'ate the way 'e's always barking! So I gave 'im to the church.
:'''Bart''': Oh, I see! You '''hate him''', so you gave him to the church.
:'''Willy''': Aye, I also 'ate that mess he left on me rug.
:''[Bart gives a puzzled look]''
:'''Willy''': Ye heard me!

==''[[w:The Old Man and the Lisa|The Old Man and the Lisa]]''==
:'''[[w:Montgomery Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': I'll keep it short and sweet. Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don't wanna be driving to the maternity hospital or sitting in some phoney-baloney church, or ''[finger quotes]'' &quot;synagogue&quot;. Questions?
:''[somewhat long pause, finally Skinner raises his hand]''
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': Well, uh, I'm gonna take advantage of this rare opportunity even if you children aren't interested. Which do you think is more important? Hard work, or stick-to-itiveness?
:'''[[w:Montgomery Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Are there any ''real'' questions?
:'''Lisa''': Yes. Does your plant have a recycling program?
:'''Mr. Burns''': &quot;Re-cy-cling&quot;? ''[He turns his mental dictionary to &quot;R&quot;, and searches but doesn't find &quot;recycle&quot; anywhere]'' I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that term, you adorable little ragamuffin.
:'''Lisa''': You never heard of recycling? It means to reuse things to conserve our natural resources.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, so [[w:Mother Nature|Mother Nature]] needs a favor?! Well, maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing?! Well, I say, hard cheese.
:'''Lisa''': But natural's not the enemy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': Remember C. Montgomery Burns? The man who [[w:Who Shot Mr. Burns|blocked out our sun]], [[w:Bart Gets Hit by a Car|ran over a local boy]], and stole Christmas from 1981 to 1985 inclusive. Well, guess who's broke and picking up trash for a living?
:'''Homer''': ''[watching television in the living room]'' Please be Flanders. Please be Flanders. Please be Flanders.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[to Krusty after looking at Krusty-O's]'' Would you happen to know where I could find the ''Burns''-O's?
:'''Krusty the Clown''': Sorry pops, they don't put ''nobodies'' on cereal boxes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[looking at two ketchup bottles]'' Ketchup... Catsup... Ketchup... Catsup... Castup... K... k... Ooh, I'm in way over my head.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': Smithers, why didn't you tell me about this [[w:Wall Street Crash of 1929|stock market crash]]?
:'''[[w:Waylon Smithers|Smithers]]''': Well, it was 25 years before I was born.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, that's your excuse for everything.

==''[[w:In Marge We Trust|In Marge We Trust]]''==
:'''Bart''': Turn it down! We don't want to wake up Mom &amp; Dad!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer|Homer]]''': Oh, I'd love to go with you honey, but I got a lot of work to do around the bed.
:'''[[w:Marge|Marge]]''': Homer, the Lord only asks for an hour a week.
:'''[[w:Homer|Homer]]''': Well in that case he should've made the week an hour longer. Lousy God.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lovejoy''': And the very same goes for Ezekiel, which brings us back to our starting point, ''The Nine Tenets of Constancy.''
:'''Homer''': ''[yawns and hits his head on the back of the bench]'' '''DAMN IT!!!''' ''[the churchgoers gasp]''
:'''Lovejoy''': ''[sternly clears throat]'' I seem to have lost my place, so I'll start over.
:'''Moe''': Oh, for the love of crumb cake!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Akira''': ''[on phone]'' Hai. Hai. Hai. Bye. ''[turns to Homer]'' Hi!
:'''Homer''': ''[hands Akira a detergent box]'' Akira, can you read this for me?
:'''Akira''': Ah, yes. This is a product called ''Mr. Sparkle'', very popular dish detergent. ''[points at the mascot on the box]'' Hey, he looks like you! ''[laughs]''
:'''Lisa''': What's he saying?
:'''Akira''': He identifies himself as a magnet for foodstuffs. He boasts that he will banish dirt to the land of wind and ghosts.
:'''Lisa''': Wow!
:'''Akira''': Yes, you have very lucky dishes, Mr. Simpson. This soap is from the sacred forest of Hokkaidō, renowned for its countless soap factories.
:'''Homer''': Hokkaidō, eh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''':  There's your answer, fish-bulb.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ned''': ''[pants, to the phone booth]'' The teens have been chasing me all night. ''[spies on the bullies]'' They finally stopped to gas up their scooters.
:'''Marge''': Ned, where are you?
:'''Ned''': I can't see the name of the station, but the gas costs eight-tenths.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': ''[regaling his congregation of his fight with the monkeys at the zoo]'' Baboons to the left of me. Baboons to the right. The speeding locomotive tore through a sea of inhuman fangs. A pair of the great apes rose up at me but -- bam, bam! -- I sent them flying like two hairy footballs. A third came screaming at me! ''[imitates hissing baboon]'' ''[quietly resolved]'' ...and that's when I got ''mad''.
:'''Homer''': Now, ''that's'' religion!

==''[[w:Homer's Enemy|Homer's Enemy]]''==
:''[Alarms blare and red lights flash at Homer's work station]''
:'''Grimes''': Simpson, you've got a 5-13.
:''[Homer glances at his watch]''
:'''Grimes''': No, a ''5-13'', in your procedures manual? A 5-13?
:''[Homer glances at his watch again]''
:'''Grimes''': ''[points]'' Look at your control panel!
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oh, a five ''thir''-teen. I'll handle it.
:''[He calmly walks into his work station, takes a bucket of water and pours it on his console, shorting it out and silencing the alarms]''
:'''Homer''': That got it.
:''[Grimes looks on in horror]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Grimes''': ''[sees the name of the pencil who has been chipped in]'' Mr. Simpson, do you know who chewed my...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Grimes''': ''[talking about Homer]'' God, he eats like a pig!
:'''Lenny''': I dunno. Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Hi, Grimey old buddy!
:'''Grimes''': I'm not your buddy, Simpson. I don't like you. In fact, I hate you! Stay the hell away from me, because from now on, we're enemies! 
:'''Homer''': ''[haltingly]'' Okay... Do I have to do anything?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Grimes''': ''[throws the acid beaker at the wall which makes a hole]'' You idiot! You nearly drank a beaker full of sulfuric acid!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Oh, I can't believe it. I got an enemy. Me, the most beloved man in Springfield.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': Ah, it's a weird world, Homer. As hard as it is to believe, some people don't care for me, neither.
:'''Homer''': No, I won't accept that.
:'''Moe''': No, it's true. I got their names written down right here on what I call my, uh, &quot;enemies list.&quot; ''[reaches under the bar for a sheet of paper]''
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': ''[takes list and reads it]'' [[Jane Fonda]], [[w:Daniel Schorr|Daniel Schorr]], [[w:Jack Anderson|Jack Anderson]]... Hey! This is [[Richard Nixon]]'s [[w:Master list of Nixon's political opponents|enemies list]]! You just crossed out his name and put yours!
:'''Moe''': Okay, gimme that, gimme it back. ''[takes list and writes]'' Barney Gumble.
:'''Barney''': Aw...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Grimes''': ''[is invited to the Simpsons' for dinner]'' Good heavens, this is a ''palace!'' How can-- How in the world can you afford to live in a house like this, Simpson?
:'''Homer''': ''[shrugging]'' I dunno. Don't ask me how the economy works.
:'''Grimes''': Yeah, but look at the size of this place! I-I live in a single room above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley!
:'''Homer''': ''[clearly not getting it]'' Wow!
:'''Grimes''': ''[sees pictures on the wall]'' I'm sorry, isn't that…
:'''Homer''': Yeah, that's me, all right. And [[w:Two Bad Neighbours|the guy standing next to me is President Gerald Ford…]] And this is [[w:Homerpalooza|when I was on tour with the Smashing Pumpkins…]] Oh! And [[w:Deep Space Homer|here's a picture of me in outer space!]]
:'''Grimes''': ''You?'' Went into outer space?! ''You?''
:'''Homer''': Sure! You've never been? [[w:Homer's Barbershop Quartet|Would you like to see my Grammy award?]]
:'''Grimes''': ''[angrily]'' No! I wouldn't! God, I've had to work hard every day of my life, and what do I have to show for it?! This briefcase, and this haircut! And what do you have to show for your lifetime of sloth and ignorance?!
:'''Homer''': ... What? 
:'''Grimes''': ''Everything!'' A dream house, two cars, a beautiful wife, a son who owns a factory, fancy clothes and ''[sniffs air] lobsters for dinner!'' And do you deserve any of it? ''No!''
:'''Homer''': ''[gasps]'' What are you saying?
:'''Grimes''': I'm saying ''you're'' what's wrong with America, Simpson. You coast through life, you do as little as possible, and you leech off of decent, hardworking people like me. Heh, if you lived in any other country in the world, you'd have starved to death long ago. 
:'''Bart''': He's got you there, Dad.
:'''Grimes''': You're a fraud. A total fraud. ''[he starts to leave; to Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie]'' It was nice meeting you. ''[he slams the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Bart notices that the factory has collapsed]''
:'''Bart''': Ah, jeez. Milhouse, how could you let this happen? You were supposed to be the night watchman!
:'''Milhouse''': I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over, then it fell over.
:'''Bart''': Wow. Wonder where all the rats are gonna go?
:''[Dozens of rats run out from under the rubble and into Moe's Tavern]''
:'''Moe''': OK, everybody tuck your pants into your socks.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Smithers''': Our first little genius is Ralph Wiggum.
:''[Ralph wanders on-stage with a re-labelled Malibu Stacey dollhouse'']
:'''Smithers''': ''[chuckles indulgently]'' It's pretty good, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Hot tub? Media room? It's supposed to be a power plant! Not Anne Bueller's bordello! Thank you, ''get out.'' Next!
:''[long pause]''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Uh, Ralphie? Get off the stage, sweetheart!
:''[Martin walks on-stage with his impressive power plant model]''
:'''Martin''': Behold! The power plant of the future...today!
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ugh! Too cold and sterile. Where's the heart?
:'''Martin''': But it really generates power. It's lighting this room right now!
:''[Martin turns a knob on the model and dims the lights]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': You lose, get off my property!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Homer walks onstage with his power plant model]''
:'''Grimes''': Look, everybody! Simpson's in a contest with children!
:'''Lenny''': Hey, shush!
:'''Carl''': You're making us miss the contest.
:''[Homer sets his model down. Mr. Burns looks at it]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Could you explain your model, young man?
:'''Grimes''': What's to explain? He's an idiot!
:'''Lenny''': Pipe down!
:'''Homer''': Well, basically I just copied the plant we have now.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Hmm.
:'''Homer''': Then, I added some fins to lower wind resistance and this racing stripe here I feel is pretty sharp.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Agreed. First prize! ''[Mr. Burns gives Homer a ribbon and some cash]''
:'''Grimes''': ''WHAT?!''
:'''Carl''': Way to go, Homer!
:'''Lenny''': You're number one, Homer!
:'''Grimes''': But, but, t-t-this was a contest for children!
:'''Lenny''': Yeah, and Homer beat their brains out!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Homer wins the children's nuclear power plant model contest, and everyone cheers. For Grimes, this is the last straw...]''
:'''Grimes''': I can't stand it any longer! This whole plant is ''insane! Insane'', I tell you! ''[snaps mentally]'' DAAGH! AAGH! ''[He runs out into the corridor]'' I can be lazy too! ''[yanks off his tie, and moons one of the employees]'' Look at me! Hi, I'm a worthless employee, just like Homer Simpson! Give me a promotion! ''[He pulls up his pants and waddles away, cross-eyed, like a penguin. He enters the break room and grabs two donuts from a donut box]'' Ooh, I eat like a slob, but nobody minds! ''[Homer, Smithers and several other employees watch as Grimes scoffs down nearly all the donuts in the box, then runs into the men's bathroom. From the bathroom]'' I'm peeing on the seat! Give me a raise! ''[comes out of the bathroom and waves his hands in Homer's face]'' Now I'm returning to work without washing my hands! But it doesn't matter, because I'm Homer Simpson! ''[He runs into Homer's work station and spins around in the chair]'' I don't need to do my work, 'cause someone else will do it for me! ''[puts his feet up, and smacks himself on the forehead]'' D'oh, d'oh, d'oh!
:'''Homer''': ''[looking worried]'' Hey, you okay, Grimey?
:'''Grimes''': ''[getting up]'' I'm better than okay - I'm Homer Simpson!
:'''Homer''': ''[chuckles]'' You wish.
:'''Grimes''': ''[noticing Mr. Burns]'' Oh, hi, Mr. Burns. I'm the worst worker in the world. Time to go home to my mansion and eat my lobster! ''[He notices some dangerous-looking wires on the wall]'' What's this? ''[reads sign]'' &quot;Extremely High Voltage&quot;. Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm Homer Simp--
:''[He grabs the wires and electrocutes himself; everyone winces. Frank Grimes' funeral is underway]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' Frank Grimes, or Grimey as he liked to be called, taught us that a man can triumph over adversity. And even though Frank's agonizing struggle through life was tragically cut short...
:'''Homer:''' ''[drooling and muttering in his sleep]'' Change the channel, Marge!
:''[All the mourners and Reverend Lovejoy laugh]''
:'''Lenny:''' That's our Homer!
:''[Everyone continues to laugh as Frank's coffin is lowered into the ground at the end of the episode; showrunner appears; starting the credits. After the credits, Gracie Films and 20th Century Fox Television appears at the end of the logo]''

==''[[w:The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase|The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase]]''==
:''[At Mardi Gras, Chief Wiggum is confronted by revelers wearing outsized party masks, who reveal themselves to be the Simpsons]''
:'''[[w:Clancy Wiggum|Wiggum]]''': If it isn't my old friends from Springfield, the Simpsons! What brings you folks to New Orleans?
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Mardi Gras, man. When the Big Easy calls, you gotta accept the charges.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Chief Wiggum, I can't wait to hear about all the exciting, sexy adventures you're sure to have against this colorful backdrop.
:'''Wiggum''': Well golly, I'd love to chat, but my son's been kidnapped. You haven't seen him, have you? Caucasian male, between the ages of six and ten, thinning hair.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Over there. ''[points at Ralph and Big Daddy in the crowd]''
:'''[[w:Ralph Wiggum|Ralph]]''': ''[points at Chief Wiggum]'' Look, Big Daddy! It's regular Daddy!
:'''Big Daddy''': The Chief! Ooh, I suppose I'd best to run. ''[fans himself with his hat]'' Lord have mercy, how I wish I weren't so fat.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hans Moleman''': A poem by Hans Moleman. I think that I shall never see, my cataracts are blinding me. ''[flower wilts]''
:'''[[Tim Conway]]''': ''[wearing a skunk costume]'' And they thought I stunk.
:''[Sea Captain bells a whistle on the ship, the Simpsons are in a big bed]''
:'''Marge''': Well, it's time to say goodnight.
:'''Homer''': I wish our special guest Tim Conway didn't have to leave so soon.

==''[[w:The Secret War of Lisa Simpson|The Secret War of Lisa Simpson]]''==
:'''Bart''': ''Testing.'' ''[2 megaphones]'' '''Testing.''' ''[looks at the megaphones on the wall 5 times]'' Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hey. ''[devilish laughing; sets up 15 megaphones on chairs; fly buzzing; licks his lips]'' '''''TESTING!''''' ''[causes big sound wave explosion; echoing voice]'' '''''TESTING, TESTING, TESTING, TESTING, TESTING, TESTING, TESTING, TESTING, TESTING, TESTING, TESTING, TESTING!'''''
:''[The soundwave causes the car alarms to go off, break the pet store window into pieces, which causes the birds to screech and saying &quot;Testing!&quot;, break the fish tank which causes the octopus cling onto Professor Fink, and break the Duff Beer bottles which causes to Homer scream in despair, After Bart caused feedback from the massive sound wave unleashed on the town]''
:'''Homer''': ''[berating Bart]'' YOU'VE REALLY DONE IT THIS TIME, BART!!! YOU'RE IN FOR THE PUNISHMENT OF A LIFETIME!!!
:'''Lisa''': WHEN DO YOU EXPECT THE RINGING WILL STOP?!
:'''Wiggum''': ''[checks his watch]'' IN ABOUT...10 TO 15 SECONDS!
:'''Marge''': I CERTAINLY HOPE SO! ''[gasps as the feedback stops]'' That's better. ''[Maggie takes 2 pacifiers as ear plugs out of her ears; to Bart]'' Now about your punishment, young man.
:'''Bart''': I know. I'll go to my room and think about what I did.
:'''Homer''': ''[stops him]'' Oh, no! Your room is full of toys! You're going to the, uh... garage!
:'''Bart''': You're the boss.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Firing range Instructor''': Since you attended public school, I'm gonna assume you're already proficient with small arms, so we're gonna start you with something a little more advanced. ''[hands Bart a [[w:Milkor MGL|MGL]]]''
:'''Bart''': Ho-ho, baby! ''[fires off 5 grenades. 4 hit the targets, but the 5th flies off into the distance]''
:'''Firing range instructor''': 4 out of 5, Simpson. Impressive, but you missed your last target.
:'''Bart''': ''[slyly]'' Did I?
:''[Cut to a blackened and dumbstruck Principal Skinner, standing next to a smoking crater where his car used to be. Nelson watches in the background from the classroom window]''
:'''Nelson''': Ha-ha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Commandant''': Traditionally, the academy tested these virtues by pitting you against each other in a two-day battle royale! ''[the cadets all gasp]'' That was ''prior'' to 1957, ''thank'' you very much, State Supreme Court. Consequently now, no cadet can receive a passing grade for the academic year without first conquering this. ''[points to a tightrope connected by two tall poles with thorn bushes underneath]'' Meet...The Eliminator. That's a 150-foot hand-over-hand crawl across a 60-gauge hemp-jute line with a blister factor of 12. The rope is suspended a full 40 feet over a solid British acre of old-growth Connecticut Valley thorn bushes. Gentlemen, welcome to flavor country.
:'''Lisa''': This wasn't in the brochure.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Senior cadet''': ''[with other cadets sneaking back onto campus]'' I'm glad we snuck into town - that was some GOOD corn.

==External links==

&lt;noinclude&gt;
{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 08}}
[[Category:The Simpsons seasons]]
&lt;/noinclude&gt;</text>
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      <text bytes="49170" sha1="25qmvqpzcogcgwur2q3ahjfkrshagb3" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Simpsons''/Season 4}}
{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

===''[[w:Kamp Krusty|Kamp Krusty]]''===
:'''Lisa''': You're serving us gruel?
:'''Dolph''': Not quite. ''[pulls out a large drum of gruel with Krusty's face on the front]'' This is Krusty-Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Krusty has arrived at the camp to deal with the Bart-led riot]''
:'''Bart''': How could you, Krusty? I'd never lend my name to an inferior product.
:'''Krusty''': ''[crying]'' They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone!
:'''Bart''': Krusty, this camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[sobs]''
:'''Bart''': Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
:'''Krusty''': Was it a nice hat?
:'''Bart''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[continues sobbing]''

===''[[w:A Streetcar Named Marge|A Streetcar Named Marge]]''===
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Hello! I am Llewelyn Sinclair! I have directed three plays in my career and I have had three heart attacks. That's how much I care, I am planning for a fourth.
:'''Marge''': Hmm, maybe I should have taken a nice calligraphy class.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, forget it, that Mr. Takahashi's a lunatic.
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Quiet!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Sorry. 
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': I'm not an easy man to work for. While directing ''Hats Off to Chanukkah'', I reduced more than one cast member to tears. Did I expect too much from fourth-graders? The review &quot;Play enjoyed by all&quot;... ''[holds up an elementary school newspaper with said headline]'' speaks for itself.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hmm.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Are there any jive-talking robots in this play?
:'''Marge''': I don't think so.
:'''Homer''': Bart, don't ask stupid questions. ''[to Marge]'' Is there any frontal nudity?
:'''Marge''': ''[sighs]'' No, Homer.
:''[Back in Springfield Community Center]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy''': My name is Helen Lovejoy. I'm been playing Stella.
:'''Apu''': I am Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. I played Steve.
:'''Otto''': My name is Otto! I'm playing Pablo!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!
:'''Marge''': I'm Marge Simpson. I'm played Blanche. I'm make some peanut butter brownies for anyone.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Opening number of &quot;Oh, Streetcar!&quot;]''
:''[The curtain rises revealing Chief Wiggum standing in front of a set resembling the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesars%20Superdome New Orleans Superdome]
:'''Chief Wiggum as chorus member''': 
:Long before the Superdome, 
:Where the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New%20Orleans%20Saints Saints of football] play, 
:There’s a city that the damned call home,
:Hear their hellish rondelet...
:''[The set rotates revealing a New Orleans street set surrounded by the other chorus members]''
:'''Chorus members''': New Orleans! 
:Home of pirates, drunks, and whores, 
:New Orleans!
:Tacky, overpriced souvenir stores,
:If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip,
:To the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip'
:New Orleans!
:Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile,
:New Orleans!
:Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul,
:New Orleans!
:Crummy, lousy, rancid and rank,
:New Orleans!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Introduction of Blanche DuBois played by Marge]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy as Stella''': ''[To Blanche]'' ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' What's the matter, honey? Are you lost?
:'''Marge as Blanche''': ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' I'm looking for my sister, Stella.
:'''Lisa''': ''[In the audience]'' It's mom! 
:''[Homer, Bart and Maggie look up to see Marge is now on stage]''
:'''Blanche''': My name is Blanche DuBois. 
:''[singing]'' I thought my life would be a Mardi Gras...
:A never-ending party... ''[pause]'' Ha!
:I'm a faded Southern dame without a dime...
:'''Apu as Steve the paperboy''' I am collecting for the evening star.
:'''Blanche''': Come here, I wanna kiss you just once... softly and sweetly...on your mouth...
:'''Steve''': ''[singing]'' I am just a simple paperboy, no romance do I seek..
:I just wanted forty cents, for my deliveries last week...
:Will this bewitching floozy...
:Seduce this humble newsie?
:Oh, what's a paperboy to... doooooo?
:''[Blanche kisses him]'' Woo-hoo!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[&quot;Stanley's torment&quot; musical number]''
:'''Ned as Stanley''': ''[yelling]'' '''Stella! STELLLAAAA!'''  
:''[singing]'' Can't you hear me YELLA!
:You're puttin' me through HELLA!  '''Stella...  STELLLAAAA!'''

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Blache flies around the stage in anguish surrounded by red fog and lasers]''
:'''Bart''': ''[in the audience]'' Cool! She can fly!
:'''Lisa''': I think it's supposed to symbolize her decent into madness

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Closing number]''
:'''Blanche''': Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers...
:''[song begins]''
:'''Chorus''': You can always depend on the kindness of strangers, to pluck up your spirits, and shield you from dangers.
:'''Blanche''': Now here's a tip from Blanche you won't regret.
:'''Chorus''': ''[waving good-bye to Blanche as she exits stage right on a motorized streetcar prop]'' 
:A stranger's just a friend you haven't met.
:You ha-ven't met...
:Streetcar!
:''[The curtain falls on the performance and the audience cheers wildly while giving a standing ovation]''

===''[[w:Homer the Heretic|Homer the Heretic]]''===
:''[Groundskeeper Willie tries to unfreeze the church doors with a blowtorch.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': How's that door coming, Willie?
:'''Groundskeeper Willie''': [[Miracles]] are your department, Reverend.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[God appears in Homer's dream, ripping the roof off his house.]''
:'''Homer''': God ...?
:'''God''': ''[points finger at Homer] '''Thou hast forsaken My church!'''''
:'''Homer''': Well, kind of, but-
:'''God''': '''But what?!'''
:'''Homer''': I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?
:'''God''': ''[stops himself]'' Hmm, you've got a point there. ''[sits beside Homer]'' Sometimes, even I would rather be watching football. Does St. Louis still have a team?
:'''Homer''': No, [[w:Arizona Cardinals|they moved to Phoenix]].
:'''God''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Homer''': You know what I really hate about church? Those boring sermons.
:'''God''': ''[sighs]'' I couldn't agree more, that Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. I think I'll give him a canker sore.
:'''Homer''': Give him one for me.
:'''God''': I will. ''[pets Snowball II]''
:'''Homer''': So I figure I should just try to live right and worship You in my own way.
:'''God''': Homer, it's a deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Homer's friends save him from his burning house.]''
:'''Homer''': The Lord is vengeful! ''[falls to his knees]'' O Spiteful One! Show me who to smite, and they shall be smoten!
:'''Ned''': ''[chuckles]'' Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they ''[points to Ned]'' Christian, ''[Krusty]'' Jew, or ''[Apu]'' ...miscellaneous.
:'''Apu''': Hindu! There ''are'' 700 million of us.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': ''[condescendingly]'' Aw, that's super.
:'''Homer''': I was rude to every one of you. And you saved my life when you could've just left me to fry like the proverbial pancake that I am.
:'''Marge''': Aw, Homer! I'm so glad to hear you say that.

===''[[w:Lisa the Beauty Queen|Lisa the Beauty Queen]]''===
:'''Kent Brockman''': Scott, everyone is here from the Mayor's illegitimate son to our own ''[camera focuses up]'' Duff blimp.
:'''Barney''': ''[aboard the Duff blimp]'' Hi. Can I drive?
:'''Pilot''': Well, I can't see the harm.
:''[Barney crashes the blimp into a nearby radio tower, causing the blimp to burst into flames.]''
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[looks away]'' [[w:Hindenburg disaster|Oh, the humanity!]] Anyway, to turn on the store's severe tire damage spikes, here's Little Miss Springfield.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': But it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under &quot;Do not write in this space,&quot; he wrote &quot;Okay.&quot;
:''[Homer and Lisa watch at home]''
:'''Homer''': If it wasn't for me, you'd still be queen. You must hate me.
:'''Lisa''': Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?
:'''Homer''': I dunno. Was I drunk?
:'''Lisa''': Possibly. But the point is, you wanted me to feel better about myself. And I do.
:'''Homer''': Really?
:'''Lisa''': Uh-huh.
:'''Homer''': Will you remember this the next time I wreck your life?
:'''Lisa''': It's a deal.
:''[They hug]''

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror III|Treehouse of Horror III]]''===
:''[First lines]''
:'''Homer''': ''[impersonating Alfred Hitchcock]'' Good evening. ''[normally]'' I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some crybabies out there - religious types, mostly - who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on, I dare you! ''[clucks, flaps his arms]'' Chicken!
:''[suddenly, the screen goes out. In darkness, a white dot is visible; offscreen]'' Hey!
:''[Footstep sounds heard]''
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' Homer, did you just call everyone &quot;chicken&quot;?
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' No. I swear on this Bible.
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' That's not a Bible, that's a book of carpet samples!
:''[The white dot disappears slowly]''
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' Ooh...fuzzy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Do you sell toys?
:'''Shopkeeper''': We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to tread. We also sell [[w:Frozen yogurt|frozen yogurt]],  which I call frogurt.
:'''Homer''': Well, I need something for my son's birthday.
:'''Shopkeeper''': Ah, perhaps this will please the gentleman. ''[picks up a Krusty the Clown doll]'' Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' Ooooh, that's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But it comes with a free frogurt!
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The frogurt is also cursed.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' That's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But you get your choice of topping.
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The toppings contain [[w:Potassium benzoate|potassium benzoate]]. ''[Homer stares]'' That's bad.
:'''Homer''': Can I go now?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer runs naked across the kitchen, trying to escape the Krusty the Clown doll and pass by Marge, Patty, and Selma, who are having lunch. Patty and Selma stare, wide-eyed, then lower their eyelids in disgust as they put down their forks]''
:'''Patty''': There goes the last, lingering thread of my heterosexuality.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Krusty Doll Repair Guy''': Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to &quot;evil&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flanders''': ''[now a zombie]'' Hey Simpson, I'm feeling a might peckish! Mind if I chew your ear?
:''[Homer shoots Flanders]''
:'''Bart''': Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
:'''Homer''': ''[quizzically]'' He was a zombie?

===''[[w:Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie|Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie]]''===
:'''Marge''': Now, be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
:'''Lisa''': What are we gonna have?
:'''Homer''': Well that depends on what your teachers say. If both of you have been good, pizza. If you've been bad, um...let's see, poison.
:'''Lisa''': What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
:'''Bart''': Poison pizza.
:'''Homer''': Oh no, I'm not making two stops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Gee, maybe they mean it this time. From now on, I guess I'd better straighten up and fly--
:'''Homer''': ''[opens Bart's bedroom door as he carrying a pizza box]''  Bart. Don't tell your mother, but I brought you some pizza. Just promise me you'll try to be good.
:'''Bart''': I promise.
:'''Homer''': That-a-boy. ''[leaves and closes Bart's bedroom door]''
:'''Bart''': ''[eating his pizza, chuckling]'' Sucker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sings Jingle Bells while hammering on a mustard packets into the carpet]''
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily catches Bart]'' Bart! Why are you doing that?
:'''Bart''': I don't know.
:'''Homer''': Well, this time you must be punished!
:'''Bart''': Well, you could punish me, but--
:'''Homer''': No tricks, boy. I said I'm gonna punish you. And come hell or high water, I-- ''[he hears a ice cream truck]'' Wait a minute! ''[gasps]'' Ice cream truck! ''[runs out of the house and shoves children out of his way to get a ice cream]'' Me! Me! I was here first!
:''[Scene changes where Homer and Bart are sitting on a curb eating a ice cream outside of their house]''
:'''Homer''': Mmm. Now, what were we talking about, boy?
:'''Bart''': Uh, we were talking about the time you beat jury duty.
:'''Homer''': Oh, yeah. The trick is... to say you're prejudiced against all races.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
:'''Bart''': Not bloody likely.
:'''Homer''': No, it's true. When I was a boy, I wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
:'''Bart''': Dad, what's the point of this story?
:'''Homer''': I like stories.
:'''Bart''': Look, can I please go to the movie?
:'''Homer''': I know my punishment may seem a little harsh, but I can't go back on it. You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
:'''Bart''': TV sucks.
:'''Homer''': ''[low, angry voice]'' I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.

===''[[w:Marge Gets a Job|Marge Gets a Job]]''===
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Marge, I'm giving you a raise and a new office, right next to mine. ''[laughs]''
:'''Smithers''': But sir, that's my office.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Don't worry Smithers, I'm putting you where the action is.
:''[In the men's restroom, Smithers is cleaning the urinals with a toothbrush.]''
:'''Smithers''': Springtime fresh, winter white. What could be better?
:'''Homer''': ''[bursts in and unzips his fly.]'' Aw man, I really gotta...
:'''Smithers''': '''''NOOOOO!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': So do you think I have a case?
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice. ''[he produces a bottle from his desk]'' Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
:'''Marge''': It's 9:30 in the morning.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. ''[takes a generous swig]'' Last chance... ''[Homer and Marge don't respond. Hutz drains the bottle]'' Oh, yeah....

===''[[w:New Kid on the Block|New Kid on the Block]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[a dream cloud has himself making bacon on the beach]'' Oh. Bacon!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': This is where the Winfields hid their mutated son.
:'''Lisa''': Bart, the Winfields didn't have a son!
:'''Bart''': See that sock over there? It was his only friend. ''[high-pitched voice]'' Hello, Lisa. Here in the dark, you won't need those eyes.
:'''Lisa''': Bart! It's not funny!
:'''Bart''': There are some who say the monster is still... ''[flips his eyelids]'' HERE!!! ''[Lisa runs off, screaming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart and Lisa are fighting while Homer is on the phone with a babysitter.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[to Bart and Lisa]'' Shut up, you little monsters!! ''[to the phone]'' I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels.
:''[On the other end of the line.]''
:'''Woman''': I'm sorry, this isn't Abby. This is her sister. I look after her now.
:''[Abby rocks in her chair and mumbles quietly to herself.]''
:'''Abby''': No, Bart... put it down... put it down, Bart... Bart, put it down.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Man at the Kabul''': Sometimes I think you want to fail!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are sitting at their table at The Frying Dutchman, a waiter is taking their order]''
:'''Waiter''': I’m sorry ma’am but everything on the menu has fish in it. 
:'''Marge''': What about the bread? Does that have much fish in it?
:'''Waiter''': Yes. 
:'''Marge''': Well, I have some Tic-Tacs in my purse ''[looking through her purse]''
:'''Waiter''': Excellent choice. ''[writes on his notepad then turns to Homer]'' And for the gentleman?
:'''Homer''': All you can eat! All you can eat!
:'''Waiter''': All right, when you’re ready, take this plate over- ''[holds up a small plate to give to Homer but he is already taking a tray from the buffet table]''
:'''Kitchen staff member''': Please, don’t take the steam tray! Sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Laura''': ''[finding out some nincompoop teleported in Texas at an arcade]'' If I hit the &quot;remorse&quot; button one more time, I would've made it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[It is now 6:00 at night and Homer is still eating relentlessly as Marge is sleeping across the table from him. The staff members and the Sea Captain watch in awe]''
:'''Teenage waiter''': That man ate all our shrimp and two plastic lobsters. 
:'''Sea Captain''': 'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eating machine. Argh. ''[walks over to Marge and Homer]'' 6 bells, time for closing. 
:'''Homer''': Can't talk. Eating. 
:'''Sea Captain''': Fairly warned be thee, says I. ''[he snaps his fingers and two waiters drag Homer out of the restaurant as he is still eating]''
:'''Homer''': Hey. Hey! Hey! ''[runs back to the buffet table, starts shovelling food with his hands and the waiters drag him out again as Marge follows on foot]'' But the sign said &quot;All You Can Eat&quot;!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant.
:'''Marge''': We pretty much went straight home.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath.
:'''Marge''': We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': And when you couldn't find any?
:'''Marge''': ''[crying]'' We went fishing!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[to the jury]'' Do these sound like the actions of a man who'd had all he could eat?
:'''The Jury''': ''[all of whom are incredibly obese]'' No!
:'''One Particular Fat Juror''': That could have been '''me!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Zookeeper! Zookeeper, those two monkeys are killing each other!
:'''Zookeeper''': ''[quietly, to Homer's ear]'' &lt;small&gt;They're having sex.&lt;/small&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Maybe you're right. Now, if you'll excuse us... ''[Marge leaves]'' this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father. Son, a woman is a lot like, um... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and-- Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good. They look good. You'd step over your own mother just to get one! ''[drinks his can of Duff Beer]'' But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman. ''[grabs another can of Duff Beer from the refrigerator]''
:''(hours later, the kitchen table is littered with beer cans. Homer is visibly drunk while Bart has lost interest in the conversation)''
:'''Homer''' ''(drunkenly)'': ...so I sez, &quot;Yeah? If you want that money, come and find it, 'cuz I don't where it is, ya baloney! ''You'' make me wanna ''retch''!&quot; ''(falls asleep, snoring)''

===''[[w:Mr. Plow|Mr. Plow]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[angry]'' Mr. West, you said there was a job for me.
:'''[[Adam West]]''': There was. When I called you, ''[camera zooms in dramatically]'' 45 minutes ago.
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': So long, Superman, your secret identity is safe with me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak. Our own Arnie Pye is on the scene.
:'''[[w:List of media personalities in The Simpsons#Arnie Pye|Arnie Pye]]''': ''[live remote, in a helicopter]'' Everything's snowed in, all I can see is white!
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[impatiently]'' Arnie, please. The ski conditions.
:'''Pye''': ''[now upside-down]'' Mayday, mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain! Tell my wife I love-- ''[picture fuzzes out]''
:'''Brockman''': ''[chuckles]'' That's great, Arnie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[signing his jingle]'' ''Call Mr. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!''

===''[[w:Lisa's First Word|Lisa's First Word]]''===
:'''Marge''': Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say mama?
:'''Bart''': Can you say get bent?
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': Mr. Rogers says all the time.
:'''Marge''': He does not.
:'''Homer''': Maggie, can you say daddy? Daddy.
:'''Marge''': Kitty. Kitty.
:'''Lisa''': Be-bop. Be-bop.
:'''Bart''': Shove it. Shove it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart:''' Homer!
:'''Homer:''' ''[laughs, picks up Bart]'' Homer is what grown-ups call me. Call me Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy.
:'''Bart:''' Da-- Da-- Da--.
:'''Homer:''' Yes.
:'''Bart:''' Domer. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[turns red in anger]'' Why you little... ''[angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey, Homer, this house sucks!
:'''Homer''': Bart, I told you not to use that word. Call me daddy!
:'''Bart''': Homer, nah!
:''[Homer angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Krusty has just announced Krusty Burger's Olympic sweepstakes]''
:'''Krusty''': Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?
:'''Company Agent''': Not to worry, Mr. K, we've rigged the cards; they're all in events that Communists never lose.
:'''Krusty''': ''[satisfied]'' I like, I like!
:'''Aide''': This just came in over the wires, Big K! ''[hands him a paper sheet]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[reading]'' &quot;[[w:1984 Summer Olympics boycott|Soviet boycott]], U.S. unopposed in most events&quot;. How does this affect our giveaway?
:'''Company Agent''': Let's see. ''[punches numbers into a calculator]'' You personally stand to lose 44 million dollars.
:''[Krusty sobs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': Welcome back to this, the final day of the 23rd Olympiad, brought to you by Krusty Burger.
:'''Krusty''': ''[furious]'' YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS! ''[sobs]'' I personally am gonna spit in every 50th burger!
:'''Homer''': ''[surrounded by piles of free Krusty Burgers]'' I like those odds.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is in the hospital the day Lisa is born. Lisa is in her bassinet while Homer talks to her and Marge reads &quot;Fretful Mother&quot; magazine]''
:'''Homer''': Little Lisa. I've already started you a college fund at Lincoln Savings and Loan.
:'''Marge''': According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her.
:'''Homer''': Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are discussing moving out]''
:'''Marge''': I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.
:'''Homer''': No, we won't. I got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib, and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
:'''Marge''': Won't that warp him?
:'''Homer''': My cousin Frank did it.
:'''Marge''': You don't have a cousin Frank.
:'''Homer''': He became Francine in '76, then he joined that cult. I think his name is &quot;Mother Shabubu&quot; now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby.
:'''Marge''': I'm sorry, Bart. You're too little.
:'''Homer''': Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. ''[he places his can of beer on Bart's head]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Homer''': What?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I was sitting there!
:'''Lisa''': I don't see your name on it!
:'''Bart''': It's right there!
:'''Marge''': Bart, don't write on the rug.
:'''Lisa''': Ha-ha. Mom yelled at you.
:'''Bart''': Did not.
:'''Lisa''': Did too.
:'''Homer''': You know, Maggie, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. ''[he puts Maggie to bed]'' I hope you never say a word. ''[switches the light off, closes the door]''
:'''Maggie''': ''[pulls her pacifier out of her mouth]'' Daddy. ''[puts her pacifier back on her mouth and goes to sleep as the episode ends; credits showrunner appears; starting the credits. After the credits, Gracie Films logo appears and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:Homer's Triple Bypass|Homer's Triple Bypass]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We feel neither highs or lows.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Really? What's it like?
:'''Lisa''': ''[shrugs]'' Eh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Hey hey! ''[goofy laugh]'' ''[Homer grunts in pain; clutching his chest.]'' Hey, what's the matter? Oh, right. My grotesque appearance!
:'''Homer''': Krusty, why are you here?
:'''Krusty''': Eh, it's part of my public service for my &quot;[[wikipedia:Drunk driving|Glug-glug, vroom-vroom]], [[w:Vehicular manslaughter|thump-thump]].&quot;
:'''Homer''': Well, I could use a laugh.
:'''Krusty''': Well, there's nothing funny about what you're about to go through. I know! ''[Takes off his shirt, revealing a pacemaker scar.]'' I'm in the zipper club myself! ''[lights a cigarette]''
:'''Homer''': You seem pretty healthy.
:'''Krusty''': Yeah? Well I got news for ya: this ain't makeup!

===''[[w:Marge vs. the Monorail|Marge vs. the Monorail]]''===
:'''Lyle Lanley''': You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it.
:''[Everyone laughs except Homer who at first doesn't get the joke]''
:'''Homer''': Heh-heh, mule.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': The name's Lanley, Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest —Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Shelbyville idea.
:'''Mayor Quimby''': Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': All right, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll ''show'' you my idea. I give you the Springfield Monorail! ''[everyone gasps]'' I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum, it put them on the map! Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified six-car monorail! What'd I say?
:'''Ned''': Monorail!
:'''Lyle''': What's it called?
:'''Patty and Selma''': Monorail.
:'''Lyle''': That's right, monorail! ''[the crowd starts chanting &quot;monorail&quot; as Lyle begins to play piano]''
:'''Ms. Hoover''': I hear those things are awfully loud.
:'''Lyle''': It glides as softly as a cloud!
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': Is there a chance the track could bend?
:'''Lyle''': Not on your life, my Hindu friend!
:'''Barney''': What about us brain-dead slobs?
:'''Lyle''': You'll be given cushy jobs!
:'''Abe Simpson''': Were you sent here by the Devil?
:'''Lyle''': No, good sir, I'm on the level!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': The ring came off my pudding can.
:'''Lyle''': Take my pen knife, my good man! I swear it's Springfield's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! ('''Lyle''': What's it called?) Monoraaaaaaail!! ('''Lyle''': Once again!) Monoraaaaaaail!!!
:'''Marge''': But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
:'''Bart''': Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! Monoraaaaaaail!! Monoraaaaaaail!!! MONORAIL!
:'''Homer''': Mono... ''[realizes the song is over]'' D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge opens the fire extinguisher cabinet, sees a mother opossum with four offspring sleeping, who then start hissing]''
:'''Marge''': Homer, there's a family of possums in here!
:'''Homer''': I call the big one Bitey.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A solar eclipse forms outside]''
:'''[[Leonard Nimoy]]''': A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet... goes on.
:'''Male Passenger''': Does anyone want to switch seats?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lyle Lanley tries to escape on a plane with Springfield’s money]''
:'''Pilot''': Folks, this is your captain speaking. Our nonstop flight to Tahiti will be making a brief layover in North Haverbrook.
:'''Lyle''': North Haverbrook. Where have I heard that name before? ''[suddenly remembers]'' Oh, no. '''Oh, no!'''
:'''Man with pitchfork''': There he is! Seat 3-F!
:''[The angry citizens of North Haverbrook beat Lyle Lanley with many items]''

===''[[w:Selma's Choice|Selma's Choice]]''===
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': The funeral is in Littleneck Falls. We'll have to go to Duff Gardens another time.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We understand.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': No use complaining about something you can't change.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': But I wanna go to Duff Gardens. Right now!
:'''Marge''': Homer, quit pouting.
:'''Homer''': I'm not pouting. I'm mourning. Stupid dead woman.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hans Moleman''': ''[reading an eye chart at the DMV and failing]'' R, Q, J, question mark? Smiley face? 
:''[Selma stamps his driver's license 'VOID']''
:'''Selma Bouvier''': ''[voids driver's license]'' Next! Wait a minute-it says here you're single.
:'''Hans Moleman''': Did I do wrong?
:'''Hans''': ''[cut to Selma and Hans at a fancy restaurant. Hans is trying to read the menu]'' Combed, biscuits, chicken, yellow, mailman.
:'''Waitress''': You're reading the wine list, sir.
:'''Hans''': Very good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey Lise, I dare you to drink the water.
:'''Lisa''': I'm not sure that ''is'' water...
:'''Bart''': Chicken. ''[begins clucking loudly]''
:'''Lisa''': Quit it, Bart. Quit it! QUIT IT, QUIT IT!
:'''Selma''': Bart, be quiet! Lisa, drink the water!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Bart gets rescued from The Barrel Roll. Selma is speaking with the security guard as Bart is trying to keep his eyes open]''
:'''Selma''': Don't blame these kids. ''[groans]'': It's not their fault. I think their father is missing a chromosome.
:'''Security Guard #1''': Miss Bouvier, while we were rescuing this boy, hoodlums made off with three bumper cars!
:''[cut to Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney -- who were previously arrested for being a roaming gang in the second Duff Gardens commercial -- driving down the road on three detached bumper cars that somehow are still functioning, laughing as they ride off into the sunset, past a sign that says &quot;Leaving Duff Gardfns&quot;]''
:''[cut back to the security shack]''
:'''Security Guard #1''': And I don't think George Washington will ever be the same.
:''[cut to a robotics engineer trying to fix the George Washington robot from the Duff Hall of Presidents, which is now reduced to just his head, only to back away as it starts jabbering]''
:''[a second security guard and a man in a white doctor's coat come in with a pale and jittery Lisa, clad in only a towel]''
:'''Security Guard''' ''[as Lisa's hollow eyes dart frantically and her skin color goes from white to pale yellow]'': We found ''this''  one swimming ''naked'' in the Fermentarium. 
:'''Lisa''': I ''AM'' THE LIZARD ''QUEEN''!
:'''White-coated Man''': Give her this...''[gives Selma two pills]''...and this...''[gives her two more as Lisa is shivering]''...and then these. ''[gives her an entire handful]''
:'''Selma''': Thank you, doctor.
:'''White-coated Man''': Oh, I'm not a doctor.

===''[[w:Brother from the Same Planet|Brother from the Same Planet]]''===
:''[Bart's class is having Show and Tell]''
:'''Bart''': Someday, I want to be an F-14 pilot like my hero, Tom. He lent me this new weapon called a neural disrupter.
:''[Bart demonstrates the sheer power of the neural disrupter by shooting it at Martin's forehead]''
:'''Martin''': Hey...
:''[falls down on the ground, twitching]''
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': He's not dead, is he Bart?
:'''Bart''': Nah, but I wouldn't give him any homework for awhile.
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Very good, Bart. Thank you.
:'''Bart''': Oh, don't thank me. Thank an unprecedented [[Ronald Reagan|eight-year military build-up]].
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Mmm. Milhouse, you're next.
:'''Milhouse''': Uh, I have a horsey.
:''[mimics his toy horse neighing weakly which then trails off]''
:'''Nelson''': Wuss!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[during Krusty's monologue on ''Tuesday Night Live'']''
:'''Krusty''': We got a great show for ya. Well, actually, the last half-hour is a real garbage dump! ''[sighs]'': We'll be right back.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the band from ''Tuesday Night Live'' plays before going to commercial]'':
:'''Bart''': I miss Joe Piscopo.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': This just in, a fist-fight is in progress in downtown Springfield. Initial reports indicate, and these are very preliminary, that one of the fighters is a giant lizard. ''[shot of [[Godzilla]] appears in the background.]'' Do we have a source on this? Uh-huh, a bunch of drunken frat boys. All right, I could use some names. &quot;I.P Freely&quot;. Uh... ''[realizes]'' Grrr!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[after Bart comes home]'' Hello, son. Where have you been? 
:'''Bart''': Playing with Milhouse.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' No, you haven't! You've been out gallivanting around with that floozy of a bigger brother of yours! Haven't you? Haven't you? Look at me! 
:'''Bart''': Dad, it just kind of happened. You're taking this too hard.
:'''Homer''': How would you like me to take it? Go ahead, Bart. Have your fun. I'll be waiting for you? I'm sorry. I can't do it!  
:'''Bart''': Well, what are you gonna do?
:'''Homer''': Oh-ho. You'll see.

===''[[w:I Love Lisa|I Love Lisa]]''===
:''[Lisa opens a package from Ralph.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': A Malibu Stacy convertible! ''[she finds a note from Ralph]'' &quot;Look in the tunk.&quot; He must mean &quot;trunk&quot;. ''[opens trunk]'' Two tickets to the Krusty Anniversary Show! Oh, he must want me to go with him.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': That's not fair! I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty Home Pregnancy test!
:'''Lisa''': I'm not sure if I ''should'' go. I don't even like him.
:'''Bart''': You're right, Lis. You shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest. I'll go disguised as you.
:'''Lisa''': But what if he wants to hold hands?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to kiss?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to--
:'''Bart''': You don't want to know how far I'll go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Determined to avenge Ralph for being harshly spurned by Lisa, Chief Wiggum pulls Homer over.]''
:'''Homer''': Is there a problem, officer?
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Yep. Got a tail-light out.
:'''Homer''': Where?
:'''Wiggum''': ''[smashes a tail-light]'' Right there.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops!
:'''Wiggum''': ''[alarmed]'' They are? Oh no! Have they set a date?

===''[[w:Duffless|Duffless]]''===
:[''as Lisa comes back to find her steroid-pumped tomato splattered all over Principal Skinner, who's trembling from post-traumatic stress disorder as the children laugh at him'']
:'''Lisa''' ''[shouting]'' &lt;big&gt;BART!&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At an [[w:Alcoholics Anonymous|Alcoholics Anonymous]]  meeting.]''
:'''[[w:Otto Mann|Otto]]''': My name is Ot-to. I ''love'' to get blot-to.
:'''[[w:Hans Moleman|Hans Moleman]]''': My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm ''31'' years old.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': My name is Homer and I'm just here because the court made me come.
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again. 
:''[Homer immediately screams and jumps through a window.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[singing]'' [[w:It Was A Very Good Year|When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.]]

===''[[w:Last Exit to Springfield|Last Exit to Springfield]]''===
:''[Mr. Burns and Smithers watch Homer tear up the union contract on a hidden camera]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Who is that firebrand, Smithers?
:'''Smithers''': That's Homer Simpson, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Simpson, eh? New man?
:'''Smithers''': Actually, sir, [[w:Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish|he thwarted your campaign for governor]], [[w:Bart Gets Hit By a Car|you ran over his son]], [[w:Homer Defined|he saved the plant from meltdown]], [[w:Brush with Greatness|his wife painted you in the nude]]...
: '''Mr. Burns''': ...Eh, doesn't ring a bell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Cool! She'll be a freak.
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': We can stick her in a trailer, drive her around the South and charge two bits a gander.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': We don't have to be adversaries, Homer! We ''both'' want a fair union contract!
:'''Homer''': ''[internally]'' ''Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!
:'''Homer''': ''Wait a minute... is he coming onto me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
:'''Homer''': ''My God, he is coming onto me!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': After all... ''negotiations make strange bedfellows''! ''[chuckles, clicks his tongue and winks]''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]''
:'''Homer''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these [[w:Sodomy|backdoor shenanigans]]. Sure, I'm flattered – maybe even a little curious – But the answer is no!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa:''' Do you really think you can get our dental plan back?
:'''Homer:''' Well, that depends on who's the better negotiator, Mr. Burns or me...
:'''Bart:''' Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old Danish.
:'''Homer:''' Done and done! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Burns has called in an elderly strikebreaking team led by Grampa Simpson.]''
:'''Grampa''': We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. ''[other strikebreakers mutter in agreement]'' One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville: I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. &quot;Gimme five bees for a quarter,&quot; you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because o' the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

===''[[w:So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show|So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show]]''===
:'''Bart''': You're going down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you!
:'''Homer''': You talk better than you fool.
:'''Bart''': I'll fool you up real nice.
:'''Homer''': You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Mmm… beer.
:''[While the thermostat is set to very high levels, Homer begins to open the can of beer Bart had shaken up with a paint mixer.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': April F- ''[an explosion of beer blows out the windows and roof of the Simpsons' house and takes the shape of a mushroom cloud, Lou and Chief Wiggum stop the police car.]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Eddie and Lou|Lou]]''': That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
:'''[[w:Clancy Wiggum|Chief Wiggum]]''': Forget it! That's two blocks away.
:'''Lou''': ''[squints]'' Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[gets out of the car]'' I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
:'''Lou''': ''[into radio as Wiggum runs towards the cloud]'' We need pretzels! Repeat, pretzels!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Dr. Hibbert|Dr. Hibbert]]''': Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. ''[Simpson family gasps except for Marge, Bart and Lisa, laughs]'' April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': I, uh, brought you a little present. ''[gives Homer a can of beer]''
:'''Homer''': No. No! Beer bring pain!
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': I can't stand to see him like that this. ''[Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away]''
:'''Moe''': He really needs a girlfriend.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Grampa Simpson|Grampa]]''': Poor Homer. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.
:'''Homer''': ''[gargles]'' Rrraaahhh…
:'''Grampa''': ''Ah!'' Kill it! ''Kill it''!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Grampa, please, he's in a coma.
:'''Grampa''': Coma? Pffft. Why, I go in and out of comas all the- ''[falls asleep, pauses, wakes up]'' French toast, please.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Is a coma painful?
:'''Grampa''': Oh, heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girl from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': ''[bursts thru the ward]'' This man is costing my health plan $5000 a day! I demand that Joe die with dignity. ''[he plugs the plug]''
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': Now, look, I'm the doctor here.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well, I demand a second opinion.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Dr. Nick|Dr. Nick]]''': ''[pops in]'' Hi, everybody!
:'''All''': Hi, Dr. Nick! ''[Nick pokes Homer's abdomen with a reflex hammer]''
:'''Homer''': ''[squeaks]'' Mrrh.
:'''Dr. Nick''': Oh dear, I see no signs of life. Just to be safe, we better pull the plug.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yoink!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Dad, it's all my fault. I shook up that can of beer. It was just an April Fools joke.
:''[Life support machine starts to change from showing Homer's life signs to outlines of Bart. His mouth begins to form a growl, his fingers twitch and his eyes slowly open in anger.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[angrily turns red]'' Why, you little--!! ''[grabs Bart and proceeds to strangle him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': You lost 5% of your brain.
:'''Homer''': Me lose brain? Uh-oh! ''[Everyone including Homer laughs]'' Why I laugh?
:''[The episode ends, showrunner appears. The credits begins. After the credits, Gracie Films and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:The Front (The Simpsons)|The Front]]''===

:''[after watching the listless and boring ''Itchy &amp; Scratchy'' episode &quot;Dazed and Contused&quot;]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[takes an angry puff from his cigarette]'' Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...''[notices the cameras are on him]'': Ha, ha! Hey, wow! Wasn't that great, kids?
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': That's as bad as the tasteless &quot;Itchy &amp; Sambo&quot; cartoons of the late '30s. The writers should be ashamed of themselves.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Cartoons have writers?
:'''Lisa''': Eh, sort of.
:'''Bart''': Oh yeah? Well you and I could write a better cartoon than that.
:'''Lisa''': Write a cartoon ourselves? Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
:'''Bart''': Probably not. ''[in his mind, Bart is thinking about holding Santa Claus at gunpoint]'' Lie in the snow and count to 60. ''[Bart leaps into the sleigh and cracks the reins]'' Hiyah! ''[laughs evilly as he flies into the distance]'' Merry Christmas, suckers!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer's Brain''': This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.
:'''Homer''': Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
:'''Marge''': Oh, my God!
:'''Homer's Brain''': No, the other secret!
:'''Homer''': Marge, I never graduated from high school.
:'''Marge''': Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap... Wait, maybe it does...
:'''Homer''': I never passed Remedial Science 1-A.
:'''Marge''' ''[concerned]'' And '''''you're''''' a nuclear technician?
:'''Homer''': Marge, [[w:Pig latin|ix-nay on the uclear-nay echnician-tay]]!
:'''Marge''': What did you say?
:'''Homer''' ''[upset]'' I don't know. I flunked Latin, too!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''' ''[as she's going over the mail]'': Third notice? ''Final'' notice? &quot;Some guys are coming&quot;?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[typing a letter]'': &quot;Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am '''''not'''''  a crackpot.&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[as he's typing out a complaint letter]'': &quot;When I read your magazine, I don't see one wrinkled face or single toothless grin. For ''shame''. To the sickos at ''Modern Bride'' magazine...&quot;

===''[[w:Whacking Day|Whacking Day]]''===
:''[Bart and the bullies make their way to Utility Basement B looking for mountain bikes.]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Hey, what gives? Where are the mountain bikes?
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': ''[appears]'' Sorry about the ruse, gentlemen. You're being swept under the rug for the superintendent's visit. Enjoy. ''[closes the door and locks them in]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Jimbo Jones|Jimbo]]''': How are we going to get out of here?
:'''Nelson''': And when are we going to get our mountain bikes?
:'''Principal Skinner''': ''[outside of the room]'' Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
:'''[[w:Groundskeeper Willie|Groundskeeper Willie]]''': Nay, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
:'''Principal Skinner''': Wise counsel, William, but the potty talk adds nothing.
:'''Willie''': Aye, sir. ''[under his breath]'' Ye bath-takin', underpants-wearin', lily-hugger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Springfield residents track down the snakes to the Simpson place, but Lisa wants a stop to the killing.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Now wait a minute! How could you do this to snakes after all they've done for you?
:'''[[w:Abraham Simpson|Grandpa]]''': I'm an old man. I hate everything but ''[[w:Matlock|Matlock]]''. Ooh, it's on now.
:'''Lisa''': Mrs. Glick, who killed all the rats in your basement?
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Mrs. Glick|Mrs. Glick]]''': Snake did.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': And you love snakes, don't you Mr. White?
:'''[[w:Barry White|Barry White]]''': I love the sexy slither of a lady snake. Oh baby.

===''[[w:Marge in Chains|Marge in Chains]]''===
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I-- Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Is that bad?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
:'''Marge''': You did?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, replace the word &quot;kinda&quot; with the word &quot;repeatedly&quot;, and the word &quot;dog&quot; with &quot;son.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot she was carrying that bottle of ''[looks at bottle]'' delicious... bourbon... brownest of the brown liquors... ''[hugs bottle]'' so tempting... ''[puts the bottle to his ear]'' What's that?  You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial. Excuse me. ''[Hutz rushes out of courtroom to call his best friend]'' Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
:'''[[David Crosby|Crosby]]''': Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
:'''Hutz''': I love you too, man.

===''[[w:Krusty Gets Cancelled|Krusty Gets Kancelled]]''===
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Every time you watch my show, I will send you $40! ''[holds up check to audience]''
:'''Man''': ''[quick voice-over]'' Checks will not be honored.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, would you guys be interested in a Krusty the Clown comeback special?
:'''[[w:Flea (musician)|Flea]]''': Sure, if you can get us out of this gig.
:'''Bart''': No problemo. Hey, Moe! Look over there! ''[Bart points to a blank wall]''
:'''Moe''': What? What am I looking at? I don't see anything. Gonna stop looking now! What, is that it...?
:'''Homer''': Hey, Moe, can I look too?
:'''Moe''': Sure, but it'll cost you.
:'''Homer''': My wallet's in the car!
:'''Moe''': ''[chuckles]'' He is so stupid. And now back to the wall!

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 04}}

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      <text bytes="50369" sha1="6oqsofnodh70fidw4u1atbkyao5ruxu" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Simpsons''/Season 4}}
{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

===''[[w:Kamp Krusty|Kamp Krusty]]''===
:'''Lisa''': You're serving us gruel?
:'''Dolph''': Not quite. ''[pulls out a large drum of gruel with Krusty's face on the front]'' This is Krusty-Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Krusty has arrived at the camp to deal with the Bart-led riot]''
:'''Bart''': How could you, Krusty? I'd never lend my name to an inferior product.
:'''Krusty''': ''[crying]'' They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone!
:'''Bart''': Krusty, this camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[sobs]''
:'''Bart''': Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
:'''Krusty''': Was it a nice hat?
:'''Bart''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[continues sobbing]''

===''[[w:A Streetcar Named Marge|A Streetcar Named Marge]]''===
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Hello! I am Llewelyn Sinclair! I have directed three plays in my career and I have had three heart attacks. That's how much I care, I am planning for a fourth.
:'''Marge''': Hmm, maybe I should have taken a nice calligraphy class.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, forget it, that Mr. Takahashi's a lunatic.
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Quiet!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Sorry. 
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': I'm not an easy man to work for. While directing ''Hats Off to Chanukkah'', I reduced more than one cast member to tears. Did I expect too much from fourth-graders? The review &quot;Play enjoyed by all&quot;... ''[holds up an elementary school newspaper with said headline]'' speaks for itself.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hmm.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Are there any jive-talking robots in this play?
:'''Marge''': I don't think so.
:'''Homer''': Bart, don't ask stupid questions. ''[to Marge]'' Is there any frontal nudity?
:'''Marge''': ''[sighs]'' No, Homer.
:''[Back in Springfield Community Center]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy''': My name is Helen Lovejoy. I'm been playing Stella.
:'''Apu''': I am Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. I played Steve.
:'''Otto''': My name is Otto! I'm playing Pablo!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!
:'''Marge''': I'm Marge Simpson. I'm played Blanche. I'm make some peanut butter brownies for anyone.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Opening number of &quot;Oh, Streetcar!&quot;]''
:''[The curtain rises revealing Chief Wiggum standing in front of a set resembling the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesars%20Superdome New Orleans Superdome]
:'''Chief Wiggum as chorus member''': 
:Long before the Superdome, 
:Where the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New%20Orleans%20Saints Saints of football] play, 
:There’s a city that the damned call home,
:Hear their hellish rondelet...
:''[The set rotates revealing a New Orleans street set surrounded by the other chorus members]''
:'''Chorus members''': New Orleans! 
:Home of pirates, drunks, and whores, 
:New Orleans!
:Tacky, overpriced souvenir stores,
:If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip,
:To the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip'
:New Orleans!
:Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile,
:New Orleans!
:Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul,
:New Orleans!
:Crummy, lousy, rancid and rank,
:New Orleans!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Introduction of Blanche DuBois played by Marge]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy as Stella''': ''[To Blanche]'' ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' What's the matter, honey? Are you lost?
:'''Marge as Blanche''': ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' I'm looking for my sister, Stella.
:'''Lisa''': ''[In the audience]'' It's mom! 
:''[Homer, Bart and Maggie look up to see Marge is now on stage]''
:'''Blanche''': My name is Blanche DuBois. 
:''[singing]'' I thought my life would be a Mardi Gras...
:A never-ending party... ''[pause]'' Ha!
:I'm a faded Southern dame without a dime...
:'''Apu as Steve the paperboy''' I am collecting for the evening star.
:'''Blanche''': Come here, I wanna kiss you just once... softly and sweetly...on your mouth...
:'''Steve''': ''[singing]'' I am just a simple paperboy, no romance do I seek..
:I just wanted forty cents, for my deliveries last week...
:Will this bewitching floozy...
:Seduce this humble newsie?
:Oh, what's a paperboy to... doooooo?
:''[Blanche kisses him]'' Woo-hoo!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[&quot;Stanley's torment&quot; musical number]''
:'''Ned as Stanley''': ''[yelling]'' '''Stella! STELLLAAAA!'''  
:''[singing]'' Can't you hear me YELLA!
:You're puttin' me through HELLA!  '''Stella...  STELLLAAAA!'''

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Blache flies around the stage in anguish surrounded by red fog and lasers]''
:'''Bart''': ''[in the audience]'' Cool! She can fly!
:'''Lisa''': I think it's supposed to symbolize her decent into madness

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Closing number]''
:'''Blanche''': Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers...
:''[song begins]''
:'''Chorus''': You can always depend on the kindness of strangers, to pluck up your spirits, and shield you from dangers.
:'''Blanche''': Now here's a tip from Blanche you won't regret.
:'''Chorus''': ''[waving good-bye to Blanche as she exits stage right on a motorized streetcar prop]'' 
:A stranger's just a friend you haven't met.
:You ha-ven't met...
:Streetcar!
:''[The curtain falls on the performance and the audience cheers wildly while giving a standing ovation]''

===''[[w:Homer the Heretic|Homer the Heretic]]''===
:''[Groundskeeper Willie tries to unfreeze the church doors with a blowtorch.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': How's that door coming, Willie?
:'''Groundskeeper Willie''': [[Miracles]] are your department, Reverend.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[God appears in Homer's dream, ripping the roof off his house.]''
:'''Homer''': God ...?
:'''God''': ''[points finger at Homer] '''Thou hast forsaken My church!'''''
:'''Homer''': Well, kind of, but-
:'''God''': '''But what?!'''
:'''Homer''': I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?
:'''God''': ''[stops himself]'' Hmm, you've got a point there. ''[sits beside Homer]'' Sometimes, even I would rather be watching football. Does St. Louis still have a team?
:'''Homer''': No, [[w:Arizona Cardinals|they moved to Phoenix]].
:'''God''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Homer''': You know what I really hate about church? Those boring sermons.
:'''God''': ''[sighs]'' I couldn't agree more, that Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. I think I'll give him a canker sore.
:'''Homer''': Give him one for me.
:'''God''': I will. ''[pets Snowball II]''
:'''Homer''': So I figure I should just try to live right and worship You in my own way.
:'''God''': Homer, it's a deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Homer's friends save him from his burning house.]''
:'''Homer''': The Lord is vengeful! ''[falls to his knees]'' O Spiteful One! Show me who to smite, and they shall be smoten!
:'''Ned''': ''[chuckles]'' Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they ''[points to Ned]'' Christian, ''[Krusty]'' Jew, or ''[Apu]'' ...miscellaneous.
:'''Apu''': Hindu! There ''are'' 700 million of us.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': ''[condescendingly]'' Aw, that's super.
:'''Homer''': I was rude to every one of you. And you saved my life when you could've just left me to fry like the proverbial pancake that I am.
:'''Marge''': Aw, Homer! I'm so glad to hear you say that.

===''[[w:Lisa the Beauty Queen|Lisa the Beauty Queen]]''===
:'''Kent Brockman''': Scott, everyone is here from the Mayor's illegitimate son to our own ''[camera focuses up]'' Duff blimp.
:'''Barney''': ''[aboard the Duff blimp]'' Hi. Can I drive?
:'''Pilot''': Well, I can't see the harm.
:''[Barney crashes the blimp into a nearby radio tower, causing the blimp to burst into flames.]''
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[looks away]'' [[w:Hindenburg disaster|Oh, the humanity!]] Anyway, to turn on the store's severe tire damage spikes, here's Little Miss Springfield.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': But it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under &quot;Do not write in this space,&quot; he wrote &quot;Okay.&quot;
:''[Homer and Lisa watch at home]''
:'''Homer''': If it wasn't for me, you'd still be queen. You must hate me.
:'''Lisa''': Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?
:'''Homer''': I dunno. Was I drunk?
:'''Lisa''': Possibly. But the point is, you wanted me to feel better about myself. And I do.
:'''Homer''': Really?
:'''Lisa''': Uh-huh.
:'''Homer''': Will you remember this the next time I wreck your life?
:'''Lisa''': It's a deal.
:''[They hug]''

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror III|Treehouse of Horror III]]''===
:''[First lines]''
:'''Homer''': ''[impersonating Alfred Hitchcock]'' Good evening. ''[normally]'' I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some crybabies out there - religious types, mostly - who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on, I dare you! ''[clucks, flaps his arms]'' Chicken!
:''[suddenly, the screen goes out. In darkness, a white dot is visible; offscreen]'' Hey!
:''[Footstep sounds heard]''
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' Homer, did you just call everyone &quot;chicken&quot;?
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' No. I swear on this Bible.
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' That's not a Bible, that's a book of carpet samples!
:''[The white dot disappears slowly]''
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' Ooh...fuzzy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Do you sell toys?
:'''Shopkeeper''': We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to tread. We also sell [[w:Frozen yogurt|frozen yogurt]],  which I call frogurt.
:'''Homer''': Well, I need something for my son's birthday.
:'''Shopkeeper''': Ah, perhaps this will please the gentleman. ''[picks up a Krusty the Clown doll]'' Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' Ooooh, that's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But it comes with a free frogurt!
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The frogurt is also cursed.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' That's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But you get your choice of topping.
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The toppings contain [[w:Potassium benzoate|potassium benzoate]]. ''[Homer stares]'' That's bad.
:'''Homer''': Can I go now?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer runs naked across the kitchen, trying to escape the Krusty the Clown doll and pass by Marge, Patty, and Selma, who are having lunch. Patty and Selma stare, wide-eyed, then lower their eyelids in disgust as they put down their forks]''
:'''Patty''': There goes the last, lingering thread of my heterosexuality.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Krusty Doll Repair Guy''': Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to &quot;evil&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flanders''': ''[now a zombie]'' Hey Simpson, I'm feeling a might peckish! Mind if I chew your ear?
:''[Homer shoots Flanders]''
:'''Bart''': Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
:'''Homer''': ''[quizzically]'' He was a zombie?

===''[[w:Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie|Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie]]''===
:'''Marge''': Now, be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
:'''Lisa''': What are we gonna have?
:'''Homer''': Well that depends on what your teachers say. If both of you have been good, pizza. If you've been bad, um...let's see, poison.
:'''Lisa''': What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
:'''Bart''': Poison pizza.
:'''Homer''': Oh no, I'm not making two stops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Gee, maybe they mean it this time. From now on, I guess I'd better straighten up and fly--
:'''Homer''': ''[opens Bart's bedroom door as he carrying a pizza box]''  Bart. Don't tell your mother, but I brought you some pizza. Just promise me you'll try to be good.
:'''Bart''': I promise.
:'''Homer''': That-a-boy. ''[leaves and closes Bart's bedroom door]''
:'''Bart''': ''[eating his pizza, chuckling]'' Sucker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sings Jingle Bells while hammering on a mustard packets into the carpet]''
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily catches Bart]'' Bart! Why are you doing that?
:'''Bart''': I don't know.
:'''Homer''': Well, this time you must be punished!
:'''Bart''': Well, you could punish me, but--
:'''Homer''': No tricks, boy. I said I'm gonna punish you. And come hell or high water, I-- ''[he hears a ice cream truck]'' Wait a minute! ''[gasps]'' Ice cream truck! ''[runs out of the house and shoves children out of his way to get a ice cream]'' Me! Me! I was here first!
:''[Scene changes where Homer and Bart are sitting on a curb eating a ice cream outside of their house]''
:'''Homer''': Mmm. Now, what were we talking about, boy?
:'''Bart''': Uh, we were talking about the time you beat jury duty.
:'''Homer''': Oh, yeah. The trick is... to say you're prejudiced against all races.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
:'''Bart''': Not bloody likely.
:'''Homer''': No, it's true. When I was a boy, I wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
:'''Bart''': Dad, what's the point of this story?
:'''Homer''': I like stories.
:'''Bart''': Look, can I please go to the movie?
:'''Homer''': I know my punishment may seem a little harsh, but I can't go back on it. You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
:'''Bart''': TV sucks.
:'''Homer''': ''[low, angry voice]'' I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.

===''[[w:Marge Gets a Job|Marge Gets a Job]]''===
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Marge, I'm giving you a raise and a new office, right next to mine. ''[laughs]''
:'''Smithers''': But sir, that's my office.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Don't worry Smithers, I'm putting you where the action is.
:''[In the men's restroom, Smithers is cleaning the urinals with a toothbrush.]''
:'''Smithers''': Springtime fresh, winter white. What could be better?
:'''Homer''': ''[bursts in and unzips his fly.]'' Aw man, I really gotta...
:'''Smithers''': '''''NOOOOO!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': So do you think I have a case?
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice. ''[he produces a bottle from his desk]'' Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
:'''Marge''': It's 9:30 in the morning.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. ''[takes a generous swig]'' Last chance... ''[Homer and Marge don't respond. Hutz drains the bottle]'' Oh, yeah....

===''[[w:New Kid on the Block|New Kid on the Block]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[a dream cloud has himself making bacon on the beach]'' Oh. Bacon!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': This is where the Winfields hid their mutated son.
:'''Lisa''': Bart, the Winfields didn't have a son!
:'''Bart''': See that sock over there? It was his only friend. ''[high-pitched voice]'' Hello, Lisa. Here in the dark, you won't need those eyes.
:'''Lisa''': Bart! It's not funny!
:'''Bart''': There are some who say the monster is still... ''[flips his eyelids]'' HERE!!! ''[Lisa runs off, screaming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart and Lisa are fighting while Homer is on the phone with a babysitter.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[to Bart and Lisa]'' Shut up, you little monsters!! ''[to the phone]'' I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels.
:''[On the other end of the line.]''
:'''Woman''': I'm sorry, this isn't Abby. This is her sister. I look after her now.
:''[Abby rocks in her chair and mumbles quietly to herself.]''
:'''Abby''': No, Bart... put it down... put it down, Bart... Bart, put it down.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Man at the Kabul''': Sometimes I think you want to fail!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are sitting at their table at The Frying Dutchman, a waiter is taking their order]''
:'''Waiter''': I’m sorry ma’am but everything on the menu has fish in it. 
:'''Marge''': What about the bread? Does that have much fish in it?
:'''Waiter''': Yes. 
:'''Marge''': Well, I have some Tic-Tacs in my purse ''[looking through her purse]''
:'''Waiter''': Excellent choice. ''[writes on his notepad then turns to Homer]'' And for the gentleman?
:'''Homer''': All you can eat! All you can eat!
:'''Waiter''': All right, when you’re ready, take this plate over- ''[holds up a small plate to give to Homer but he is already taking a tray from the buffet table]''
:'''Kitchen staff member''': Please, don’t take the steam tray! Sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Laura''': ''[finding out some nincompoop teleported in Texas at an arcade]'' If I hit the &quot;remorse&quot; button one more time, I would've made it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[It is now 6:00 at night and Homer is still eating relentlessly as Marge is sleeping across the table from him. The staff members and the Sea Captain watch in awe]''
:'''Teenage waiter''': That man ate all our shrimp and two plastic lobsters. 
:'''Sea Captain''': 'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eating machine. Argh. ''[walks over to Marge and Homer]'' 6 bells, time for closing. 
:'''Homer''': Can't talk. Eating. 
:'''Sea Captain''': Fairly warned be thee, says I. ''[he snaps his fingers and two waiters drag Homer out of the restaurant as he is still eating]''
:'''Homer''': Hey. Hey! Hey! ''[runs back to the buffet table, starts shovelling food with his hands and the waiters drag him out again as Marge follows on foot]'' But the sign said &quot;All You Can Eat&quot;!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant.
:'''Marge''': We pretty much went straight home.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath.
:'''Marge''': We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': And when you couldn't find any?
:'''Marge''': ''[crying]'' We went fishing!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[to the jury]'' Do these sound like the actions of a man who'd had all he could eat?
:'''The Jury''': ''[all of whom are incredibly obese]'' No!
:'''One Particular Fat Juror''': That could have been '''me!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Zookeeper! Zookeeper, those two monkeys are killing each other!
:'''Zookeeper''': ''[quietly, to Homer's ear]'' &lt;small&gt;They're having sex.&lt;/small&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Maybe you're right. Now, if you'll excuse us... ''[Marge leaves]'' this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father. Son, a woman is a lot like, um... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and-- Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good. They look good. You'd step over your own mother just to get one! ''[drinks his can of Duff Beer]'' But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman. ''[grabs another can of Duff Beer from the refrigerator]''
:''(hours later, the kitchen table is littered with beer cans. Homer is visibly drunk while Bart has lost interest in the conversation)''
:'''Homer''' ''(drunkenly)'': ...so I sez, &quot;Yeah? If you want that money, come and find it, 'cuz I don't where it is, ya baloney! ''You'' make me wanna ''retch''!&quot; ''(falls asleep, snoring)''

===''[[w:Mr. Plow|Mr. Plow]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[angry]'' Mr. West, you said there was a job for me.
:'''[[Adam West]]''': There was. When I called you, ''[camera zooms in dramatically]'' 45 minutes ago.
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': So long, Superman, your secret identity is safe with me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak. Our own Arnie Pye is on the scene.
:'''[[w:List of media personalities in The Simpsons#Arnie Pye|Arnie Pye]]''': ''[live remote, in a helicopter]'' Everything's snowed in, all I can see is white!
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[impatiently]'' Arnie, please. The ski conditions.
:'''Pye''': ''[now upside-down]'' Mayday, mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain! Tell my wife I love-- ''[picture fuzzes out]''
:'''Brockman''': ''[chuckles]'' That's great, Arnie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[signing his jingle]'' ''Call Mr. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!''

===''[[w:Lisa's First Word|Lisa's First Word]]''===
:'''Marge''': Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say mama?
:'''Bart''': Can you say get bent?
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': Mr. Rogers says all the time.
:'''Marge''': He does not.
:'''Homer''': Maggie, can you say daddy? Daddy.
:'''Marge''': Kitty. Kitty.
:'''Lisa''': Be-bop. Be-bop.
:'''Bart''': Shove it. Shove it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart:''' Homer!
:'''Homer:''' ''[laughs, picks up Bart]'' Homer is what grown-ups call me. Call me Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy.
:'''Bart:''' Da-- Da-- Da--.
:'''Homer:''' Yes.
:'''Bart:''' Domer. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[turns red in anger]'' Why you little... ''[angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey, Homer, this house sucks!
:'''Homer''': Bart, I told you not to use that word. Call me daddy!
:'''Bart''': Homer, nah!
:''[Homer angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Krusty has just announced Krusty Burger's Olympic sweepstakes]''
:'''Krusty''': Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?
:'''Company Agent''': Not to worry, Mr. K, we've rigged the cards; they're all in events that Communists never lose.
:'''Krusty''': ''[satisfied]'' I like, I like!
:'''Aide''': This just came in over the wires, Big K! ''[hands him a paper sheet]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[reading]'' &quot;[[w:1984 Summer Olympics boycott|Soviet boycott]], U.S. unopposed in most events&quot;. How does this affect our giveaway?
:'''Company Agent''': Let's see. ''[punches numbers into a calculator]'' You personally stand to lose 44 million dollars.
:''[Krusty sobs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': Welcome back to this, the final day of the 23rd Olympiad, brought to you by Krusty Burger.
:'''Krusty''': ''[furious]'' YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS! ''[sobs]'' I personally am gonna spit in every 50th burger!
:'''Homer''': ''[surrounded by piles of free Krusty Burgers]'' I like those odds.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is in the hospital the day Lisa is born. Lisa is in her bassinet while Homer talks to her and Marge reads &quot;Fretful Mother&quot; magazine]''
:'''Homer''': Little Lisa. I've already started you a college fund at Lincoln Savings and Loan.
:'''Marge''': According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her.
:'''Homer''': Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are discussing moving out]''
:'''Marge''': I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.
:'''Homer''': No, we won't. I got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib, and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
:'''Marge''': Won't that warp him?
:'''Homer''': My cousin Frank did it.
:'''Marge''': You don't have a cousin Frank.
:'''Homer''': He became Francine in '76, then he joined that cult. I think his name is &quot;Mother Shabubu&quot; now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby.
:'''Marge''': I'm sorry, Bart. You're too little.
:'''Homer''': Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. ''[he places his can of beer on Bart's head]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Homer''': What?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I was sitting there!
:'''Lisa''': I don't see your name on it!
:'''Bart''': It's right there!
:'''Marge''': Bart, don't write on the rug.
:'''Lisa''': Ha-ha. Mom yelled at you.
:'''Bart''': Did not.
:'''Lisa''': Did too.
:'''Homer''': You know, Maggie, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. ''[he puts Maggie to bed]'' I hope you never say a word. ''[switches the light off, closes the door]''
:'''Maggie''': ''[pulls her pacifier out of her mouth]'' Daddy. ''[puts her pacifier back on her mouth and goes to sleep as the episode ends; credits showrunner appears; starting the credits. After the credits, Gracie Films logo appears and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:Homer's Triple Bypass|Homer's Triple Bypass]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We feel neither highs or lows.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Really? What's it like?
:'''Lisa''': ''[shrugs]'' Eh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Hey hey! ''[goofy laugh]'' ''[Homer grunts in pain; clutching his chest.]'' Hey, what's the matter? Oh, right. My grotesque appearance!
:'''Homer''': Krusty, why are you here?
:'''Krusty''': Eh, it's part of my public service for my &quot;[[wikipedia:Drunk driving|Glug-glug, vroom-vroom]], [[w:Vehicular manslaughter|thump-thump]].&quot;
:'''Homer''': Well, I could use a laugh.
:'''Krusty''': Well, there's nothing funny about what you're about to go through. I know! ''[Takes off his shirt, revealing a pacemaker scar.]'' I'm in the zipper club myself! ''[lights a cigarette]''
:'''Homer''': You seem pretty healthy.
:'''Krusty''': Yeah? Well I got news for ya: this ain't makeup!

===''[[w:Marge vs. the Monorail|Marge vs. the Monorail]]''===
:'''Lyle Lanley''': You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it.
:''[Everyone laughs except Homer who at first doesn't get the joke]''
:'''Homer''': Heh-heh, mule.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': The name's Lanley, Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest —Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Shelbyville idea.
:'''Mayor Quimby''': Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': All right, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll ''show'' you my idea. I give you the Springfield Monorail! ''[everyone gasps]'' I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum, it put them on the map! Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified six-car monorail! What'd I say?
:'''Ned''': Monorail!
:'''Lyle''': What's it called?
:'''Patty and Selma''': Monorail.
:'''Lyle''': That's right, monorail! ''[the crowd starts chanting &quot;monorail&quot; as Lyle begins to play piano]''
:'''Ms. Hoover''': I hear those things are awfully loud.
:'''Lyle''': It glides as softly as a cloud!
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': Is there a chance the track could bend?
:'''Lyle''': Not on your life, my Hindu friend!
:'''Barney''': What about us brain-dead slobs?
:'''Lyle''': You'll be given cushy jobs!
:'''Abe Simpson''': Were you sent here by the Devil?
:'''Lyle''': No, good sir, I'm on the level!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': The ring came off my pudding can.
:'''Lyle''': Take my pen knife, my good man! I swear it's Springfield's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! ('''Lyle''': What's it called?) Monoraaaaaaail!! ('''Lyle''': Once again!) Monoraaaaaaail!!!
:'''Marge''': But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
:'''Bart''': Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! Monoraaaaaaail!! Monoraaaaaaail!!! MONORAIL!
:'''Homer''': Mono... ''[realizes the song is over]'' D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge opens the fire extinguisher cabinet, sees a mother opossum with four offspring sleeping, who then start hissing]''
:'''Marge''': Homer, there's a family of possums in here!
:'''Homer''': I call the big one Bitey.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A solar eclipse forms outside]''
:'''[[Leonard Nimoy]]''': A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet... goes on.
:'''Male Passenger''': Does anyone want to switch seats?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lyle Lanley tries to escape on a plane with Springfield’s money]''
:'''Pilot''': Folks, this is your captain speaking. Our nonstop flight to Tahiti will be making a brief layover in North Haverbrook.
:'''Lyle''': North Haverbrook. Where have I heard that name before? ''[suddenly remembers]'' Oh, no. '''Oh, no!'''
:'''Man with pitchfork''': There he is! Seat 3-F!
:''[The angry citizens of North Haverbrook beat Lyle Lanley with many items]''

===''[[w:Selma's Choice|Selma's Choice]]''===
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': The funeral is in Littleneck Falls. We'll have to go to Duff Gardens another time.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We understand.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': No use complaining about something you can't change.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': But I wanna go to Duff Gardens. Right now!
:'''Marge''': Homer, quit pouting.
:'''Homer''': I'm not pouting. I'm mourning. ''(to himself)'': Stupid dead woman.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hans Moleman''': ''[reading an eye chart at the DMV and failing]'' R, Q, J, question mark? Smiley face? 
:''[Selma stamps his driver's license 'VOID']''
:'''Selma Bouvier''': ''[voids driver's license]'' Next! ''(double checks the license)'': Wait a minute. It says here you're single.
:'''Hans Moleman'''  ''(scared)'': Did I do wrong?
:'''Hans''': ''[cut to Selma and Hans at a fancy restaurant. Hans is trying to read the menu]'' Combed, biscuits, chicken, yellow, mailman.
:'''Waitress''': You're reading the wine list, sir.
:'''Hans''': Very good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey Lise, I dare you to drink the water.
:'''Lisa''' ''(looks down at the water they're floating on. It is a dark brown, sludgy mess)'': I'm not sure that ''is'' water...
:'''Bart''': Chicken. ''[begins clucking loudly]''
:'''Lisa''': Quit it, Bart. Quit it! QUIT IT, QUIT IT!
:'''Selma''': Bart, be quiet! Lisa, drink the water!
:''(Lisa bends down and drinks some from her cupped hands. She groans as her grip on reality starts to slip. She stares at the Dutch girl robots)''
:'''Dutch Girl Robots''' ''(begins to sound discordant and ominous)'': Duff Beer for me/Duff Beer for you...''(Lisa blinks and her eyes go white and hollow)'': I'll have a Duff...Duff...Duff... ''(the Dutch girl robots pull away into the darkness)''
:''(the darkness of the ride is now punctuated with strange lights as Lisa begins acting paranoid)''
:'''Lisa''': They're all around me! No way out! ''(cackles insanely)'': NO WAY OUT, I TELL YOU! ''(grabs Selma by her dress collar)''
:'''Selma''' ''(as a 1960s Jimi Hendrix-style rock version of the &quot;Duff Beer for Me&quot; jingle plays and Lisa sees Selma as a multi-eyed monster with green skin)'': What's wrong? Ah, you just put your head right here. ''(sticks out her shoulder. The shoulder suddenly grows a mouth and snarls. The mouth on Selma's shoulder turns into Lisa's screaming mouth. Zoom out to reveal Lisa swinging an oar at Selma and Bart)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Bart gets rescued from The Barrel Roll. Selma is speaking with the security guard as Bart is trying to keep his eyes open]''
:'''Selma''': Don't blame these kids. ''[groans]'': It's not their fault. I think their father is missing a chromosome.
:'''Security Guard #1''': Miss Bouvier, while we were rescuing this boy, hoodlums made off with three bumper cars!
:''[cut to Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney -- who were previously arrested for being a roaming gang in the second Duff Gardens commercial -- driving down the road on three detached bumper cars that somehow are still functioning, laughing as they ride off into the sunset, past a sign that says &quot;Leaving Duff Gardfns&quot;]''
:''[cut back to the security shack]''
:'''Security Guard #1''': And I don't think George Washington will ever be the same.
:''[cut to a robotics engineer trying to fix the George Washington robot from the Duff Hall of Presidents, which is now reduced to just his head, only to back away as it starts jabbering]''
:''[a second security guard and a man in a white doctor's coat come in with a pale and jittery Lisa, clad in only a towel]''
:'''Security Guard''' ''[as Lisa's hollow eyes dart frantically and her skin color goes from white to pale yellow]'': We found ''this''  one swimming ''naked'' in the Fermentarium. 
:'''Lisa''': I ''AM'' THE LIZARD ''QUEEN''!
:'''White-coated Man''': Give her this...''[gives Selma two pills]''...and this...''[gives her two more as Lisa is shivering]''...and then these. ''[gives her an entire handful]''
:'''Selma''': Thank you, doctor.
:'''White-coated Man''': Oh, I'm not a doctor.

===''[[w:Brother from the Same Planet|Brother from the Same Planet]]''===
:''[Bart's class is having Show and Tell]''
:'''Bart''': Someday, I want to be an F-14 pilot like my hero, Tom. He lent me this new weapon called a neural disrupter.
:''[Bart demonstrates the sheer power of the neural disrupter by shooting it at Martin's forehead]''
:'''Martin''': Hey...
:''[falls down on the ground, twitching]''
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': He's not dead, is he Bart?
:'''Bart''': Nah, but I wouldn't give him any homework for awhile.
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Very good, Bart. Thank you.
:'''Bart''': Oh, don't thank me. Thank an unprecedented [[Ronald Reagan|eight-year military build-up]].
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Mmm. Milhouse, you're next.
:'''Milhouse''': Uh, I have a horsey.
:''[mimics his toy horse neighing weakly which then trails off]''
:'''Nelson''': Wuss!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[during Krusty's monologue on ''Tuesday Night Live'']''
:'''Krusty''': We got a great show for ya. Well, actually, the last half-hour is a real garbage dump! ''[sighs]'': We'll be right back.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the band from ''Tuesday Night Live'' plays before going to commercial]'':
:'''Bart''': I miss Joe Piscopo.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': This just in, a fist-fight is in progress in downtown Springfield. Initial reports indicate, and these are very preliminary, that one of the fighters is a giant lizard. ''[shot of [[Godzilla]] appears in the background.]'' Do we have a source on this? Uh-huh, a bunch of drunken frat boys. All right, I could use some names. &quot;I.P Freely&quot;. Uh... ''[realizes]'' Grrr!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[after Bart comes home]'' Hello, son. Where have you been? 
:'''Bart''': Playing with Milhouse.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' No, you haven't! You've been out gallivanting around with that floozy of a bigger brother of yours! Haven't you? Haven't you? Look at me! 
:'''Bart''': Dad, it just kind of happened. You're taking this too hard.
:'''Homer''': How would you like me to take it? Go ahead, Bart. Have your fun. I'll be waiting for you? I'm sorry. I can't do it!  
:'''Bart''': Well, what are you gonna do?
:'''Homer''': Oh-ho. You'll see.

===''[[w:I Love Lisa|I Love Lisa]]''===
:''[Lisa opens a package from Ralph.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': A Malibu Stacy convertible! ''[she finds a note from Ralph]'' &quot;Look in the tunk.&quot; He must mean &quot;trunk&quot;. ''[opens trunk]'' Two tickets to the Krusty Anniversary Show! Oh, he must want me to go with him.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': That's not fair! I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty Home Pregnancy test!
:'''Lisa''': I'm not sure if I ''should'' go. I don't even like him.
:'''Bart''': You're right, Lis. You shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest. I'll go disguised as you.
:'''Lisa''': But what if he wants to hold hands?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to kiss?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to--
:'''Bart''': You don't want to know how far I'll go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Determined to avenge Ralph for being harshly spurned by Lisa, Chief Wiggum pulls Homer over.]''
:'''Homer''': Is there a problem, officer?
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Yep. Got a tail-light out.
:'''Homer''': Where?
:'''Wiggum''': ''[smashes a tail-light]'' Right there.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops!
:'''Wiggum''': ''[alarmed]'' They are? Oh no! Have they set a date?

===''[[w:Duffless|Duffless]]''===
:[''as Lisa comes back to find her steroid-pumped tomato splattered all over Principal Skinner, who's trembling from post-traumatic stress disorder as the children laugh at him'']
:'''Lisa''' ''[shouting]'' &lt;big&gt;BART!&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At an [[w:Alcoholics Anonymous|Alcoholics Anonymous]]  meeting.]''
:'''[[w:Otto Mann|Otto]]''': My name is Ot-to. I ''love'' to get blot-to.
:'''[[w:Hans Moleman|Hans Moleman]]''': My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm ''31'' years old.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': My name is Homer and I'm just here because the court made me come.
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again. 
:''[Homer immediately screams and jumps through a window.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[singing]'' [[w:It Was A Very Good Year|When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.]]

===''[[w:Last Exit to Springfield|Last Exit to Springfield]]''===
:''[Mr. Burns and Smithers watch Homer tear up the union contract on a hidden camera]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Who is that firebrand, Smithers?
:'''Smithers''': That's Homer Simpson, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Simpson, eh? New man?
:'''Smithers''': Actually, sir, [[w:Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish|he thwarted your campaign for governor]], [[w:Bart Gets Hit By a Car|you ran over his son]], [[w:Homer Defined|he saved the plant from meltdown]], [[w:Brush with Greatness|his wife painted you in the nude]]...
: '''Mr. Burns''': ...Eh, doesn't ring a bell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Cool! She'll be a freak.
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': We can stick her in a trailer, drive her around the South and charge two bits a gander.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': We don't have to be adversaries, Homer! We ''both'' want a fair union contract!
:'''Homer''': ''[internally]'' ''Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!
:'''Homer''': ''Wait a minute... is he coming onto me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
:'''Homer''': ''My God, he is coming onto me!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': After all... ''negotiations make strange bedfellows''! ''[chuckles, clicks his tongue and winks]''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]''
:'''Homer''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these [[w:Sodomy|backdoor shenanigans]]. Sure, I'm flattered – maybe even a little curious – But the answer is no!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa:''' Do you really think you can get our dental plan back?
:'''Homer:''' Well, that depends on who's the better negotiator, Mr. Burns or me...
:'''Bart:''' Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old Danish.
:'''Homer:''' Done and done! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Burns has called in an elderly strikebreaking team led by Grampa Simpson.]''
:'''Grampa''': We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. ''[other strikebreakers mutter in agreement]'' One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville: I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. &quot;Gimme five bees for a quarter,&quot; you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because o' the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

===''[[w:So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show|So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show]]''===
:'''Bart''': You're going down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you!
:'''Homer''': You talk better than you fool.
:'''Bart''': I'll fool you up real nice.
:'''Homer''': You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Mmm… beer.
:''[While the thermostat is set to very high levels, Homer begins to open the can of beer Bart had shaken up with a paint mixer.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': April F- ''[an explosion of beer blows out the windows and roof of the Simpsons' house and takes the shape of a mushroom cloud, Lou and Chief Wiggum stop the police car.]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Eddie and Lou|Lou]]''': That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
:'''[[w:Clancy Wiggum|Chief Wiggum]]''': Forget it! That's two blocks away.
:'''Lou''': ''[squints]'' Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[gets out of the car]'' I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
:'''Lou''': ''[into radio as Wiggum runs towards the cloud]'' We need pretzels! Repeat, pretzels!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Dr. Hibbert|Dr. Hibbert]]''': Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. ''[Simpson family gasps except for Marge, Bart and Lisa, laughs]'' April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': I, uh, brought you a little present. ''[gives Homer a can of beer]''
:'''Homer''': No. No! Beer bring pain!
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': I can't stand to see him like that this. ''[Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away]''
:'''Moe''': He really needs a girlfriend.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Grampa Simpson|Grampa]]''': Poor Homer. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.
:'''Homer''': ''[gargles]'' Rrraaahhh…
:'''Grampa''': ''Ah!'' Kill it! ''Kill it''!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Grampa, please, he's in a coma.
:'''Grampa''': Coma? Pffft. Why, I go in and out of comas all the- ''[falls asleep, pauses, wakes up]'' French toast, please.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Is a coma painful?
:'''Grampa''': Oh, heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girl from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': ''[bursts thru the ward]'' This man is costing my health plan $5000 a day! I demand that Joe die with dignity. ''[he plugs the plug]''
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': Now, look, I'm the doctor here.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well, I demand a second opinion.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Dr. Nick|Dr. Nick]]''': ''[pops in]'' Hi, everybody!
:'''All''': Hi, Dr. Nick! ''[Nick pokes Homer's abdomen with a reflex hammer]''
:'''Homer''': ''[squeaks]'' Mrrh.
:'''Dr. Nick''': Oh dear, I see no signs of life. Just to be safe, we better pull the plug.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yoink!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Dad, it's all my fault. I shook up that can of beer. It was just an April Fools joke.
:''[Life support machine starts to change from showing Homer's life signs to outlines of Bart. His mouth begins to form a growl, his fingers twitch and his eyes slowly open in anger.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[angrily turns red]'' Why, you little--!! ''[grabs Bart and proceeds to strangle him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': You lost 5% of your brain.
:'''Homer''': Me lose brain? Uh-oh! ''[Everyone including Homer laughs]'' Why I laugh?
:''[The episode ends, showrunner appears. The credits begins. After the credits, Gracie Films and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:The Front (The Simpsons)|The Front]]''===

:''[after watching the listless and boring ''Itchy &amp; Scratchy'' episode &quot;Dazed and Contused&quot;]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[takes an angry puff from his cigarette]'' Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...''[notices the cameras are on him]'': Ha, ha! Hey, wow! Wasn't that great, kids?
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': That's as bad as the tasteless &quot;Itchy &amp; Sambo&quot; cartoons of the late '30s. The writers should be ashamed of themselves.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Cartoons have writers?
:'''Lisa''': Eh, sort of.
:'''Bart''': Oh yeah? Well you and I could write a better cartoon than that.
:'''Lisa''': Write a cartoon ourselves? Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
:'''Bart''': Probably not. ''[in his mind, Bart is thinking about holding Santa Claus at gunpoint]'' Lie in the snow and count to 60. ''[Bart leaps into the sleigh and cracks the reins]'' Hiyah! ''[laughs evilly as he flies into the distance]'' Merry Christmas, suckers!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer's Brain''': This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.
:'''Homer''': Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
:'''Marge''': Oh, my God!
:'''Homer's Brain''': No, the other secret!
:'''Homer''': Marge, I never graduated from high school.
:'''Marge''': Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap... Wait, maybe it does...
:'''Homer''': I never passed Remedial Science 1-A.
:'''Marge''' ''[concerned]'' And '''''you're''''' a nuclear technician?
:'''Homer''': Marge, [[w:Pig latin|ix-nay on the uclear-nay echnician-tay]]!
:'''Marge''': What did you say?
:'''Homer''' ''[upset]'' I don't know. I flunked Latin, too!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''' ''[as she's going over the mail]'': Third notice? ''Final'' notice? &quot;Some guys are coming&quot;?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[typing a letter]'': &quot;Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am '''''not'''''  a crackpot.&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[as he's typing out a complaint letter]'': &quot;When I read your magazine, I don't see one wrinkled face or single toothless grin. For ''shame''. To the sickos at ''Modern Bride'' magazine...&quot;

===''[[w:Whacking Day|Whacking Day]]''===
:''[Bart and the bullies make their way to Utility Basement B looking for mountain bikes.]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Hey, what gives? Where are the mountain bikes?
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': ''[appears]'' Sorry about the ruse, gentlemen. You're being swept under the rug for the superintendent's visit. Enjoy. ''[closes the door and locks them in]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Jimbo Jones|Jimbo]]''': How are we going to get out of here?
:'''Nelson''': And when are we going to get our mountain bikes?
:'''Principal Skinner''': ''[outside of the room]'' Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
:'''[[w:Groundskeeper Willie|Groundskeeper Willie]]''': Nay, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
:'''Principal Skinner''': Wise counsel, William, but the potty talk adds nothing.
:'''Willie''': Aye, sir. ''[under his breath]'' Ye bath-takin', underpants-wearin', lily-hugger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Springfield residents track down the snakes to the Simpson place, but Lisa wants a stop to the killing.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Now wait a minute! How could you do this to snakes after all they've done for you?
:'''[[w:Abraham Simpson|Grandpa]]''': I'm an old man. I hate everything but ''[[w:Matlock|Matlock]]''. Ooh, it's on now.
:'''Lisa''': Mrs. Glick, who killed all the rats in your basement?
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Mrs. Glick|Mrs. Glick]]''': Snake did.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': And you love snakes, don't you Mr. White?
:'''[[w:Barry White|Barry White]]''': I love the sexy slither of a lady snake. Oh baby.

===''[[w:Marge in Chains|Marge in Chains]]''===
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I-- Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Is that bad?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
:'''Marge''': You did?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, replace the word &quot;kinda&quot; with the word &quot;repeatedly&quot;, and the word &quot;dog&quot; with &quot;son.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot she was carrying that bottle of ''[looks at bottle]'' delicious... bourbon... brownest of the brown liquors... ''[hugs bottle]'' so tempting... ''[puts the bottle to his ear]'' What's that?  You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial. Excuse me. ''[Hutz rushes out of courtroom to call his best friend]'' Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
:'''[[David Crosby|Crosby]]''': Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
:'''Hutz''': I love you too, man.

===''[[w:Krusty Gets Cancelled|Krusty Gets Kancelled]]''===
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Every time you watch my show, I will send you $40! ''[holds up check to audience]''
:'''Man''': ''[quick voice-over]'' Checks will not be honored.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, would you guys be interested in a Krusty the Clown comeback special?
:'''[[w:Flea (musician)|Flea]]''': Sure, if you can get us out of this gig.
:'''Bart''': No problemo. Hey, Moe! Look over there! ''[Bart points to a blank wall]''
:'''Moe''': What? What am I looking at? I don't see anything. Gonna stop looking now! What, is that it...?
:'''Homer''': Hey, Moe, can I look too?
:'''Moe''': Sure, but it'll cost you.
:'''Homer''': My wallet's in the car!
:'''Moe''': ''[chuckles]'' He is so stupid. And now back to the wall!

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 04}}

[[Category:The Simpsons seasons]]</text>
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      <text bytes="51093" sha1="ijffci04mft5ub7bmmsbgukj07ufirm" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Simpsons''/Season 4}}
{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

===''[[w:Kamp Krusty|Kamp Krusty]]''===
:'''Lisa''': You're serving us gruel?
:'''Dolph''': Not quite. ''[pulls out a large drum of gruel with Krusty's face on the front]'' This is Krusty-Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Krusty has arrived at the camp to deal with the Bart-led riot]''
:'''Bart''': How could you, Krusty? I'd never lend my name to an inferior product.
:'''Krusty''': ''[crying]'' They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone!
:'''Bart''': Krusty, this camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[sobs]''
:'''Bart''': Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
:'''Krusty''': Was it a nice hat?
:'''Bart''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[continues sobbing]''

===''[[w:A Streetcar Named Marge|A Streetcar Named Marge]]''===
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Hello! I am Llewelyn Sinclair! I have directed three plays in my career and I have had three heart attacks. That's how much I care, I am planning for a fourth.
:'''Marge''': Hmm, maybe I should have taken a nice calligraphy class.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, forget it, that Mr. Takahashi's a lunatic.
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Quiet!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Sorry. 
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': I'm not an easy man to work for. While directing ''Hats Off to Chanukkah'', I reduced more than one cast member to tears. Did I expect too much from fourth-graders? The review &quot;Play enjoyed by all&quot;... ''[holds up an elementary school newspaper with said headline]'' speaks for itself.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hmm.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Are there any jive-talking robots in this play?
:'''Marge''': I don't think so.
:'''Homer''': Bart, don't ask stupid questions. ''[to Marge]'' Is there any frontal nudity?
:'''Marge''': ''[sighs]'' No, Homer.
:''[Back in Springfield Community Center]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy''': My name is Helen Lovejoy. I'm been playing Stella.
:'''Apu''': I am Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. I played Steve.
:'''Otto''': My name is Otto! I'm playing Pablo!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!
:'''Marge''': I'm Marge Simpson. I'm played Blanche. I'm make some peanut butter brownies for anyone.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Opening number of &quot;Oh, Streetcar!&quot;]''
:''[The curtain rises revealing Chief Wiggum standing in front of a set resembling the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesars%20Superdome New Orleans Superdome]
:'''Chief Wiggum as chorus member''': 
:Long before the Superdome, 
:Where the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New%20Orleans%20Saints Saints of football] play, 
:There’s a city that the damned call home,
:Hear their hellish rondelet...
:''[The set rotates revealing a New Orleans street set surrounded by the other chorus members]''
:'''Chorus members''': New Orleans! 
:Home of pirates, drunks, and whores, 
:New Orleans!
:Tacky, overpriced souvenir stores,
:If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip,
:To the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip'
:New Orleans!
:Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile,
:New Orleans!
:Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul,
:New Orleans!
:Crummy, lousy, rancid and rank,
:New Orleans!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Introduction of Blanche DuBois played by Marge]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy as Stella''': ''[To Blanche]'' ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' What's the matter, honey? Are you lost?
:'''Marge as Blanche''': ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' I'm looking for my sister, Stella.
:'''Lisa''': ''[In the audience]'' It's mom! 
:''[Homer, Bart and Maggie look up to see Marge is now on stage]''
:'''Blanche''': My name is Blanche DuBois. 
:''[singing]'' I thought my life would be a Mardi Gras...
:A never-ending party... ''[pause]'' Ha!
:I'm a faded Southern dame without a dime...
:'''Apu as Steve the paperboy''' I am collecting for the evening star.
:'''Blanche''': Come here, I wanna kiss you just once... softly and sweetly...on your mouth...
:'''Steve''': ''[singing]'' I am just a simple paperboy, no romance do I seek..
:I just wanted forty cents, for my deliveries last week...
:Will this bewitching floozy...
:Seduce this humble newsie?
:Oh, what's a paperboy to... doooooo?
:''[Blanche kisses him]'' Woo-hoo!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[&quot;Stanley's torment&quot; musical number]''
:'''Ned as Stanley''': ''[yelling]'' '''Stella! STELLLAAAA!'''  
:''[singing]'' Can't you hear me YELLA!
:You're puttin' me through HELLA!  '''Stella...  STELLLAAAA!'''

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Blache flies around the stage in anguish surrounded by red fog and lasers]''
:'''Bart''': ''[in the audience]'' Cool! She can fly!
:'''Lisa''': I think it's supposed to symbolize her decent into madness

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Closing number]''
:'''Blanche''': Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers...
:''[song begins]''
:'''Chorus''': You can always depend on the kindness of strangers, to pluck up your spirits, and shield you from dangers.
:'''Blanche''': Now here's a tip from Blanche you won't regret.
:'''Chorus''': ''[waving good-bye to Blanche as she exits stage right on a motorized streetcar prop]'' 
:A stranger's just a friend you haven't met.
:You ha-ven't met...
:Streetcar!
:''[The curtain falls on the performance and the audience cheers wildly while giving a standing ovation]''

===''[[w:Homer the Heretic|Homer the Heretic]]''===
:''[Groundskeeper Willie tries to unfreeze the church doors with a blowtorch.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': How's that door coming, Willie?
:'''Groundskeeper Willie''': [[Miracles]] are your department, Reverend.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[God appears in Homer's dream, ripping the roof off his house.]''
:'''Homer''': God ...?
:'''God''': ''[points finger at Homer] '''Thou hast forsaken My church!'''''
:'''Homer''': Well, kind of, but-
:'''God''': '''But what?!'''
:'''Homer''': I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?
:'''God''': ''[stops himself]'' Hmm, you've got a point there. ''[sits beside Homer]'' Sometimes, even I would rather be watching football. Does St. Louis still have a team?
:'''Homer''': No, [[w:Arizona Cardinals|they moved to Phoenix]].
:'''God''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Homer''': You know what I really hate about church? Those boring sermons.
:'''God''': ''[sighs]'' I couldn't agree more, that Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. I think I'll give him a canker sore.
:'''Homer''': Give him one for me.
:'''God''': I will. ''[pets Snowball II]''
:'''Homer''': So I figure I should just try to live right and worship You in my own way.
:'''God''': Homer, it's a deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Homer's friends save him from his burning house.]''
:'''Homer''': The Lord is vengeful! ''[falls to his knees]'' O Spiteful One! Show me who to smite, and they shall be smoten!
:'''Ned''': ''[chuckles]'' Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they ''[points to Ned]'' Christian, ''[Krusty]'' Jew, or ''[Apu]'' ...miscellaneous.
:'''Apu''': Hindu! There ''are'' 700 million of us.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': ''[condescendingly]'' Aw, that's super.
:'''Homer''': I was rude to every one of you. And you saved my life when you could've just left me to fry like the proverbial pancake that I am.
:'''Marge''': Aw, Homer! I'm so glad to hear you say that.

===''[[w:Lisa the Beauty Queen|Lisa the Beauty Queen]]''===
:'''Kent Brockman''': Scott, everyone is here from the Mayor's illegitimate son to our own ''[camera focuses up]'' Duff blimp.
:'''Barney''': ''[aboard the Duff blimp]'' Hi. Can I drive?
:'''Pilot''': Well, I can't see the harm.
:''[Barney crashes the blimp into a nearby radio tower, causing the blimp to burst into flames.]''
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[looks away]'' [[w:Hindenburg disaster|Oh, the humanity!]] Anyway, to turn on the store's severe tire damage spikes, here's Little Miss Springfield.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': But it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under &quot;Do not write in this space,&quot; he wrote &quot;Okay.&quot;
:''[Homer and Lisa watch at home]''
:'''Homer''': If it wasn't for me, you'd still be queen. You must hate me.
:'''Lisa''': Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?
:'''Homer''': I dunno. Was I drunk?
:'''Lisa''': Possibly. But the point is, you wanted me to feel better about myself. And I do.
:'''Homer''': Really?
:'''Lisa''': Uh-huh.
:'''Homer''': Will you remember this the next time I wreck your life?
:'''Lisa''': It's a deal.
:''[They hug]''

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror III|Treehouse of Horror III]]''===
:''[First lines]''
:'''Homer''': ''[impersonating Alfred Hitchcock]'' Good evening. ''[normally]'' I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some crybabies out there - religious types, mostly - who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on, I dare you! ''[clucks, flaps his arms]'' Chicken!
:''[suddenly, the screen goes out. In darkness, a white dot is visible; offscreen]'' Hey!
:''[Footstep sounds heard]''
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' Homer, did you just call everyone &quot;chicken&quot;?
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' No. I swear on this Bible.
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' That's not a Bible, that's a book of carpet samples!
:''[The white dot disappears slowly]''
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' Ooh...fuzzy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Do you sell toys?
:'''Shopkeeper''': We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to tread. We also sell [[w:Frozen yogurt|frozen yogurt]],  which I call frogurt.
:'''Homer''': Well, I need something for my son's birthday.
:'''Shopkeeper''': Ah, perhaps this will please the gentleman. ''[picks up a Krusty the Clown doll]'' Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' Ooooh, that's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But it comes with a free frogurt!
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The frogurt is also cursed.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' That's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But you get your choice of topping.
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The toppings contain [[w:Potassium benzoate|potassium benzoate]]. ''[Homer stares]'' That's bad.
:'''Homer''': Can I go now?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer runs naked across the kitchen, trying to escape the Krusty the Clown doll and pass by Marge, Patty, and Selma, who are having lunch. Patty and Selma stare, wide-eyed, then lower their eyelids in disgust as they put down their forks]''
:'''Patty''': There goes the last, lingering thread of my heterosexuality.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Krusty Doll Repair Guy''': Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to &quot;evil&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flanders''': ''[now a zombie]'' Hey Simpson, I'm feeling a might peckish! Mind if I chew your ear?
:''[Homer shoots Flanders]''
:'''Bart''': Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
:'''Homer''': ''[quizzically]'' He was a zombie?

===''[[w:Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie|Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie]]''===
:'''Marge''': Now, be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
:'''Lisa''': What are we gonna have?
:'''Homer''': Well that depends on what your teachers say. If both of you have been good, pizza. If you've been bad, um...let's see, poison.
:'''Lisa''': What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
:'''Bart''': Poison pizza.
:'''Homer''': Oh no, I'm not making two stops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Gee, maybe they mean it this time. From now on, I guess I'd better straighten up and fly--
:'''Homer''': ''[opens Bart's bedroom door as he carrying a pizza box]''  Bart. Don't tell your mother, but I brought you some pizza. Just promise me you'll try to be good.
:'''Bart''': I promise.
:'''Homer''': That-a-boy. ''[leaves and closes Bart's bedroom door]''
:'''Bart''': ''[eating his pizza, chuckling]'' Sucker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sings Jingle Bells while hammering on a mustard packets into the carpet]''
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily catches Bart]'' Bart! Why are you doing that?
:'''Bart''': I don't know.
:'''Homer''': Well, this time you must be punished!
:'''Bart''': Well, you could punish me, but--
:'''Homer''': No tricks, boy. I said I'm gonna punish you. And come hell or high water, I-- ''[he hears a ice cream truck]'' Wait a minute! ''[gasps]'' Ice cream truck! ''[runs out of the house and shoves children out of his way to get a ice cream]'' Me! Me! I was here first!
:''[Scene changes where Homer and Bart are sitting on a curb eating a ice cream outside of their house]''
:'''Homer''': Mmm. Now, what were we talking about, boy?
:'''Bart''': Uh, we were talking about the time you beat jury duty.
:'''Homer''': Oh, yeah. The trick is... to say you're prejudiced against all races.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
:'''Bart''': Not bloody likely.
:'''Homer''': No, it's true. When I was a boy, I wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
:'''Bart''': Dad, what's the point of this story?
:'''Homer''': I like stories.
:'''Bart''': Look, can I please go to the movie?
:'''Homer''': I know my punishment may seem a little harsh, but I can't go back on it. You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
:'''Bart''': TV sucks.
:'''Homer''': ''[low, angry voice]'' I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.

===''[[w:Marge Gets a Job|Marge Gets a Job]]''===
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Marge, I'm giving you a raise and a new office, right next to mine. ''[laughs]''
:'''Smithers''': But sir, that's my office.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Don't worry Smithers, I'm putting you where the action is.
:''[In the men's restroom, Smithers is cleaning the urinals with a toothbrush.]''
:'''Smithers''': Springtime fresh, winter white. What could be better?
:'''Homer''': ''[bursts in and unzips his fly.]'' Aw man, I really gotta...
:'''Smithers''': '''''NOOOOO!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': So do you think I have a case?
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice. ''[he produces a bottle from his desk]'' Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
:'''Marge''': It's 9:30 in the morning.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. ''[takes a generous swig]'' Last chance... ''[Homer and Marge don't respond. Hutz drains the bottle]'' Oh, yeah....

===''[[w:New Kid on the Block|New Kid on the Block]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[a dream cloud has himself making bacon on the beach]'' Oh. Bacon!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': This is where the Winfields hid their mutated son.
:'''Lisa''': Bart, the Winfields didn't have a son!
:'''Bart''': See that sock over there? It was his only friend. ''[high-pitched voice]'' Hello, Lisa. Here in the dark, you won't need those eyes.
:'''Lisa''': Bart! It's not funny!
:'''Bart''': There are some who say the monster is still... ''[flips his eyelids]'' HERE!!! ''[Lisa runs off, screaming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart and Lisa are fighting while Homer is on the phone with a babysitter.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[to Bart and Lisa]'' Shut up, you little monsters!! ''[to the phone]'' I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels.
:''[On the other end of the line.]''
:'''Woman''': I'm sorry, this isn't Abby. This is her sister. I look after her now.
:''[Abby rocks in her chair and mumbles quietly to herself.]''
:'''Abby''': No, Bart... put it down... put it down, Bart... Bart, put it down.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Man at the Kabul''': Sometimes I think you want to fail!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are sitting at their table at The Frying Dutchman, a waiter is taking their order]''
:'''Waiter''': I’m sorry ma’am but everything on the menu has fish in it. 
:'''Marge''': What about the bread? Does that have much fish in it?
:'''Waiter''': Yes. 
:'''Marge''': Well, I have some Tic-Tacs in my purse ''[looking through her purse]''
:'''Waiter''': Excellent choice. ''[writes on his notepad then turns to Homer]'' And for the gentleman?
:'''Homer''': All you can eat! All you can eat!
:'''Waiter''': All right, when you’re ready, take this plate over- ''[holds up a small plate to give to Homer but he is already taking a tray from the buffet table]''
:'''Kitchen staff member''': Please, don’t take the steam tray! Sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Laura''': ''[finding out some nincompoop teleported in Texas at an arcade]'' If I hit the &quot;remorse&quot; button one more time, I would've made it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[It is now 6:00 at night and Homer is still eating relentlessly as Marge is sleeping across the table from him. The staff members and the Sea Captain watch in awe]''
:'''Teenage waiter''': That man ate all our shrimp and two plastic lobsters. 
:'''Sea Captain''': 'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eating machine. Argh. ''[walks over to Marge and Homer]'' 6 bells, time for closing. 
:'''Homer''': Can't talk. Eating. 
:'''Sea Captain''': Fairly warned be thee, says I. ''[he snaps his fingers and two waiters drag Homer out of the restaurant as he is still eating]''
:'''Homer''': Hey. Hey! Hey! ''[runs back to the buffet table, starts shovelling food with his hands and the waiters drag him out again as Marge follows on foot]'' But the sign said &quot;All You Can Eat&quot;!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant.
:'''Marge''': We pretty much went straight home.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath.
:'''Marge''': We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': And when you couldn't find any?
:'''Marge''': ''[crying]'' We went fishing!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[to the jury]'' Do these sound like the actions of a man who'd had all he could eat?
:'''The Jury''': ''[all of whom are incredibly obese]'' No!
:'''One Particular Fat Juror''': That could have been '''me!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Zookeeper! Zookeeper, those two monkeys are killing each other!
:'''Zookeeper''': ''[quietly, to Homer's ear]'' &lt;small&gt;They're having sex.&lt;/small&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Maybe you're right. Now, if you'll excuse us... ''[Marge leaves]'' this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father. Son, a woman is a lot like, um... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and-- Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good. They look good. You'd step over your own mother just to get one! ''[drinks his can of Duff Beer]'' But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman. ''[grabs another can of Duff Beer from the refrigerator]''
:''(hours later, the kitchen table is littered with beer cans. Homer is visibly drunk while Bart has lost interest in the conversation)''
:'''Homer''' ''(drunkenly)'': ...so I sez, &quot;Yeah? If you want that money, come and find it, 'cuz I don't where it is, ya baloney! ''You'' make me wanna ''retch''!&quot; ''(falls asleep, snoring)''

===''[[w:Mr. Plow|Mr. Plow]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[angry]'' Mr. West, you said there was a job for me.
:'''[[Adam West]]''': There was. When I called you, ''[camera zooms in dramatically]'' 45 minutes ago.
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': So long, Superman, your secret identity is safe with me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak. Our own Arnie Pye is on the scene.
:'''[[w:List of media personalities in The Simpsons#Arnie Pye|Arnie Pye]]''': ''[live remote, in a helicopter]'' Everything's snowed in, all I can see is white!
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[impatiently]'' Arnie, please. The ski conditions.
:'''Pye''': ''[now upside-down]'' Mayday, mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain! Tell my wife I love-- ''[picture fuzzes out]''
:'''Brockman''': ''[chuckles]'' That's great, Arnie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[signing his jingle]'' ''Call Mr. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!''

===''[[w:Lisa's First Word|Lisa's First Word]]''===
:'''Marge''': Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say mama?
:'''Bart''': Can you say get bent?
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': Mr. Rogers says all the time.
:'''Marge''': He does not.
:'''Homer''': Maggie, can you say daddy? Daddy.
:'''Marge''': Kitty. Kitty.
:'''Lisa''': Be-bop. Be-bop.
:'''Bart''': Shove it. Shove it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart:''' Homer!
:'''Homer:''' ''[laughs, picks up Bart]'' Homer is what grown-ups call me. Call me Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy.
:'''Bart:''' Da-- Da-- Da--.
:'''Homer:''' Yes.
:'''Bart:''' Domer. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[turns red in anger]'' Why you little... ''[angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey, Homer, this house sucks!
:'''Homer''': Bart, I told you not to use that word. Call me daddy!
:'''Bart''': Homer, nah!
:''[Homer angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Krusty has just announced Krusty Burger's Olympic sweepstakes]''
:'''Krusty''': Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?
:'''Company Agent''': Not to worry, Mr. K, we've rigged the cards; they're all in events that Communists never lose.
:'''Krusty''': ''[satisfied]'' I like, I like!
:'''Aide''': This just came in over the wires, Big K! ''[hands him a paper sheet]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[reading]'' &quot;[[w:1984 Summer Olympics boycott|Soviet boycott]], U.S. unopposed in most events&quot;. How does this affect our giveaway?
:'''Company Agent''': Let's see. ''[punches numbers into a calculator]'' You personally stand to lose 44 million dollars.
:''[Krusty sobs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': Welcome back to this, the final day of the 23rd Olympiad, brought to you by Krusty Burger.
:'''Krusty''': ''[furious]'' YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS! ''[sobs]'' I personally am gonna spit in every 50th burger!
:'''Homer''': ''[surrounded by piles of free Krusty Burgers]'' I like those odds.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is in the hospital the day Lisa is born. Lisa is in her bassinet while Homer talks to her and Marge reads &quot;Fretful Mother&quot; magazine]''
:'''Homer''': Little Lisa. I've already started you a college fund at Lincoln Savings and Loan.
:'''Marge''': According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her.
:'''Homer''': Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are discussing moving out]''
:'''Marge''': I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.
:'''Homer''': No, we won't. I got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib, and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
:'''Marge''': Won't that warp him?
:'''Homer''': My cousin Frank did it.
:'''Marge''': You don't have a cousin Frank.
:'''Homer''': He became Francine in '76, then he joined that cult. I think his name is &quot;Mother Shabubu&quot; now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby.
:'''Marge''': I'm sorry, Bart. You're too little.
:'''Homer''': Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. ''[he places his can of beer on Bart's head]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Homer''': What?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I was sitting there!
:'''Lisa''': I don't see your name on it!
:'''Bart''': It's right there!
:'''Marge''': Bart, don't write on the rug.
:'''Lisa''': Ha-ha. Mom yelled at you.
:'''Bart''': Did not.
:'''Lisa''': Did too.
:'''Homer''': You know, Maggie, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. ''[he puts Maggie to bed]'' I hope you never say a word. ''[switches the light off, closes the door]''
:'''Maggie''': ''[pulls her pacifier out of her mouth]'' Daddy. ''[puts her pacifier back on her mouth and goes to sleep as the episode ends; credits showrunner appears; starting the credits. After the credits, Gracie Films logo appears and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:Homer's Triple Bypass|Homer's Triple Bypass]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We feel neither highs or lows.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Really? What's it like?
:'''Lisa''': ''[shrugs]'' Eh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Hey hey! ''[goofy laugh]'' ''[Homer grunts in pain; clutching his chest.]'' Hey, what's the matter? Oh, right. My grotesque appearance!
:'''Homer''': Krusty, why are you here?
:'''Krusty''': Eh, it's part of my public service for my &quot;[[wikipedia:Drunk driving|Glug-glug, vroom-vroom]], [[w:Vehicular manslaughter|thump-thump]].&quot;
:'''Homer''': Well, I could use a laugh.
:'''Krusty''': Well, there's nothing funny about what you're about to go through. I know! ''[Takes off his shirt, revealing a pacemaker scar.]'' I'm in the zipper club myself! ''[lights a cigarette]''
:'''Homer''': You seem pretty healthy.
:'''Krusty''': Yeah? Well I got news for ya: this ain't makeup!

===''[[w:Marge vs. the Monorail|Marge vs. the Monorail]]''===
:'''Lyle Lanley''': You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it.
:''[Everyone laughs except Homer who at first doesn't get the joke]''
:'''Homer''': Heh-heh, mule.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': The name's Lanley, Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest —Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Shelbyville idea.
:'''Mayor Quimby''': Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': All right, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll ''show'' you my idea. I give you the Springfield Monorail! ''[everyone gasps]'' I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum, it put them on the map! Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified six-car monorail! What'd I say?
:'''Ned''': Monorail!
:'''Lyle''': What's it called?
:'''Patty and Selma''': Monorail.
:'''Lyle''': That's right, monorail! ''[the crowd starts chanting &quot;monorail&quot; as Lyle begins to play piano]''
:'''Ms. Hoover''': I hear those things are awfully loud.
:'''Lyle''': It glides as softly as a cloud!
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': Is there a chance the track could bend?
:'''Lyle''': Not on your life, my Hindu friend!
:'''Barney''': What about us brain-dead slobs?
:'''Lyle''': You'll be given cushy jobs!
:'''Abe Simpson''': Were you sent here by the Devil?
:'''Lyle''': No, good sir, I'm on the level!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': The ring came off my pudding can.
:'''Lyle''': Take my pen knife, my good man! I swear it's Springfield's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! ('''Lyle''': What's it called?) Monoraaaaaaail!! ('''Lyle''': Once again!) Monoraaaaaaail!!!
:'''Marge''': But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
:'''Bart''': Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! Monoraaaaaaail!! Monoraaaaaaail!!! MONORAIL!
:'''Homer''': Mono... ''[realizes the song is over]'' D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge opens the fire extinguisher cabinet, sees a mother opossum with four offspring sleeping, who then start hissing]''
:'''Marge''': Homer, there's a family of possums in here!
:'''Homer''': I call the big one Bitey.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A solar eclipse forms outside]''
:'''[[Leonard Nimoy]]''': A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet... goes on.
:'''Male Passenger''': Does anyone want to switch seats?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lyle Lanley tries to escape on a plane with Springfield’s money]''
:'''Pilot''': Folks, this is your captain speaking. Our nonstop flight to Tahiti will be making a brief layover in North Haverbrook.
:'''Lyle''': North Haverbrook. Where have I heard that name before? ''[suddenly remembers]'' Oh, no. '''Oh, no!'''
:'''Man with pitchfork''': There he is! Seat 3-F!
:''[The angry citizens of North Haverbrook beat Lyle Lanley with many items]''

===''[[w:Selma's Choice|Selma's Choice]]''===
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': The funeral is in Littleneck Falls. We'll have to go to Duff Gardens another time.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We understand.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': No use complaining about something you can't change.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': But I wanna go to Duff Gardens. Right now!
:'''Marge''': Homer, quit pouting.
:'''Homer''': I'm not pouting. I'm mourning. ''(to himself)'': Stupid dead woman.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hans Moleman''': ''[reading an eye chart at the DMV and failing]'' R, Q, J, question mark? Smiley face? 
:''[Selma stamps his driver's license 'VOID']''
:'''Selma Bouvier''': ''[voids driver's license]'' Next! ''(double checks the license)'': Wait a minute. It says here you're single.
:'''Hans Moleman'''  ''(scared)'': Did I do wrong?
:'''Hans''': ''[cut to Selma and Hans at a fancy restaurant. Hans is trying to read the menu]'' Combed, biscuits, chicken, yellow, mailman.
:'''Waitress''': You're reading the wine list, sir.
:'''Hans''': Very good.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(Selma comes back from her date with Hans Moleman)''
:'''Marge''': Selma, your date's over already?
:'''Selma''': Yeah. I was so depressed, I ate a jar of expired olives. ''(sighs)'': I guess I'll never have a baby.
:'''Lisa''' ''(as she's watching a Duff Gardens commercial where Lance Murdock and a bunch of unnamed riders are being knocked back and forth on a large version of a Newton's cradle)'': Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, but have you ever considered artificial insemination.
:'''Homer''' ''(giggles)'': Boy, I don't know. You've got to be pretty desperate to make it with a robot. 
:''(Marge whispers in Homer's ear what artificial insemination really is)''
:'''Homer''': I knew that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey Lise, I dare you to drink the water.
:'''Lisa''' ''(looks down at the water they're floating on. It is a dark brown, sludgy mess)'': I'm not sure that ''is'' water...
:'''Bart''': Chicken. ''[begins clucking loudly]''
:'''Lisa''': Quit it, Bart. Quit it! QUIT IT, QUIT IT!
:'''Selma''': Bart, be quiet! Lisa, drink the water!
:''(Lisa bends down and drinks some from her cupped hands. She groans as her grip on reality starts to slip. She stares at the Dutch girl robots)''
:'''Dutch Girl Robots''' ''(begins to sound discordant and ominous)'': Duff Beer for me/Duff Beer for you...''(Lisa blinks and her eyes go white and hollow)'': I'll have a Duff...Duff...Duff... ''(the Dutch girl robots pull away into the darkness)''
:''(the darkness of the ride is now punctuated with strange lights as Lisa begins acting paranoid)''
:'''Lisa''': They're all around me! No way out! ''(cackles insanely)'': NO WAY OUT, I TELL YOU! ''(grabs Selma by her dress collar)''
:'''Selma''' ''(as a 1960s Jimi Hendrix-style rock version of the &quot;Duff Beer for Me&quot; jingle plays and Lisa sees Selma as a multi-eyed monster with green skin)'': What's wrong? Ah, you just put your head right here. ''(sticks out her shoulder. The shoulder suddenly grows a mouth and snarls. The mouth on Selma's shoulder turns into Lisa's screaming mouth. Zoom out to reveal Lisa swinging an oar at Selma and Bart)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Bart gets rescued from The Barrel Roll. Selma is speaking with the security guard as Bart is trying to keep his eyes open]''
:'''Selma''': Don't blame these kids. ''[groans]'': It's not their fault. I think their father is missing a chromosome.
:'''Security Guard #1''': Miss Bouvier, while we were rescuing this boy, hoodlums made off with three bumper cars!
:''[cut to Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney -- who were previously arrested for being a roaming gang in the second Duff Gardens commercial -- driving down the road on three detached bumper cars that somehow are still functioning, laughing as they ride off into the sunset, past a sign that says &quot;Leaving Duff Gardfns&quot;]''
:''[cut back to the security shack]''
:'''Security Guard #1''': And I don't think George Washington will ever be the same.
:''[cut to a robotics engineer trying to fix the George Washington robot from the Duff Hall of Presidents, which is now reduced to just his head, only to back away as it starts jabbering]''
:''[a second security guard and a man in a white doctor's coat come in with a pale and jittery Lisa, clad in only a towel]''
:'''Security Guard''' ''[as Lisa's hollow eyes dart frantically and her skin color goes from white to pale yellow]'': We found ''this''  one swimming ''naked'' in the Fermentarium. 
:'''Lisa''': I ''AM'' THE LIZARD ''QUEEN''!
:'''White-coated Man''': Give her this...''[gives Selma two pills]''...and this...''[gives her two more as Lisa is shivering]''...and then these. ''[gives her an entire handful]''
:'''Selma''': Thank you, doctor.
:'''White-coated Man''': Oh, I'm not a doctor.

===''[[w:Brother from the Same Planet|Brother from the Same Planet]]''===
:''[Bart's class is having Show and Tell]''
:'''Bart''': Someday, I want to be an F-14 pilot like my hero, Tom. He lent me this new weapon called a neural disrupter.
:''[Bart demonstrates the sheer power of the neural disrupter by shooting it at Martin's forehead]''
:'''Martin''': Hey...
:''[falls down on the ground, twitching]''
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': He's not dead, is he Bart?
:'''Bart''': Nah, but I wouldn't give him any homework for awhile.
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Very good, Bart. Thank you.
:'''Bart''': Oh, don't thank me. Thank an unprecedented [[Ronald Reagan|eight-year military build-up]].
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Mmm. Milhouse, you're next.
:'''Milhouse''': Uh, I have a horsey.
:''[mimics his toy horse neighing weakly which then trails off]''
:'''Nelson''': Wuss!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[during Krusty's monologue on ''Tuesday Night Live'']''
:'''Krusty''': We got a great show for ya. Well, actually, the last half-hour is a real garbage dump! ''[sighs]'': We'll be right back.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the band from ''Tuesday Night Live'' plays before going to commercial]'':
:'''Bart''': I miss Joe Piscopo.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': This just in, a fist-fight is in progress in downtown Springfield. Initial reports indicate, and these are very preliminary, that one of the fighters is a giant lizard. ''[shot of [[Godzilla]] appears in the background.]'' Do we have a source on this? Uh-huh, a bunch of drunken frat boys. All right, I could use some names. &quot;I.P Freely&quot;. Uh... ''[realizes]'' Grrr!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[after Bart comes home]'' Hello, son. Where have you been? 
:'''Bart''': Playing with Milhouse.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' No, you haven't! You've been out gallivanting around with that floozy of a bigger brother of yours! Haven't you? Haven't you? Look at me! 
:'''Bart''': Dad, it just kind of happened. You're taking this too hard.
:'''Homer''': How would you like me to take it? Go ahead, Bart. Have your fun. I'll be waiting for you? I'm sorry. I can't do it!  
:'''Bart''': Well, what are you gonna do?
:'''Homer''': Oh-ho. You'll see.

===''[[w:I Love Lisa|I Love Lisa]]''===
:''[Lisa opens a package from Ralph.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': A Malibu Stacy convertible! ''[she finds a note from Ralph]'' &quot;Look in the tunk.&quot; He must mean &quot;trunk&quot;. ''[opens trunk]'' Two tickets to the Krusty Anniversary Show! Oh, he must want me to go with him.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': That's not fair! I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty Home Pregnancy test!
:'''Lisa''': I'm not sure if I ''should'' go. I don't even like him.
:'''Bart''': You're right, Lis. You shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest. I'll go disguised as you.
:'''Lisa''': But what if he wants to hold hands?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to kiss?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to--
:'''Bart''': You don't want to know how far I'll go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Determined to avenge Ralph for being harshly spurned by Lisa, Chief Wiggum pulls Homer over.]''
:'''Homer''': Is there a problem, officer?
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Yep. Got a tail-light out.
:'''Homer''': Where?
:'''Wiggum''': ''[smashes a tail-light]'' Right there.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops!
:'''Wiggum''': ''[alarmed]'' They are? Oh no! Have they set a date?

===''[[w:Duffless|Duffless]]''===
:[''as Lisa comes back to find her steroid-pumped tomato splattered all over Principal Skinner, who's trembling from post-traumatic stress disorder as the children laugh at him'']
:'''Lisa''' ''[shouting]'' &lt;big&gt;BART!&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At an [[w:Alcoholics Anonymous|Alcoholics Anonymous]]  meeting.]''
:'''[[w:Otto Mann|Otto]]''': My name is Ot-to. I ''love'' to get blot-to.
:'''[[w:Hans Moleman|Hans Moleman]]''': My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm ''31'' years old.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': My name is Homer and I'm just here because the court made me come.
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again. 
:''[Homer immediately screams and jumps through a window.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[singing]'' [[w:It Was A Very Good Year|When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.]]

===''[[w:Last Exit to Springfield|Last Exit to Springfield]]''===
:''[Mr. Burns and Smithers watch Homer tear up the union contract on a hidden camera]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Who is that firebrand, Smithers?
:'''Smithers''': That's Homer Simpson, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Simpson, eh? New man?
:'''Smithers''': Actually, sir, [[w:Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish|he thwarted your campaign for governor]], [[w:Bart Gets Hit By a Car|you ran over his son]], [[w:Homer Defined|he saved the plant from meltdown]], [[w:Brush with Greatness|his wife painted you in the nude]]...
: '''Mr. Burns''': ...Eh, doesn't ring a bell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Cool! She'll be a freak.
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': We can stick her in a trailer, drive her around the South and charge two bits a gander.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': We don't have to be adversaries, Homer! We ''both'' want a fair union contract!
:'''Homer''': ''[internally]'' ''Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!
:'''Homer''': ''Wait a minute... is he coming onto me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
:'''Homer''': ''My God, he is coming onto me!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': After all... ''negotiations make strange bedfellows''! ''[chuckles, clicks his tongue and winks]''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]''
:'''Homer''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these [[w:Sodomy|backdoor shenanigans]]. Sure, I'm flattered – maybe even a little curious – But the answer is no!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa:''' Do you really think you can get our dental plan back?
:'''Homer:''' Well, that depends on who's the better negotiator, Mr. Burns or me...
:'''Bart:''' Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old Danish.
:'''Homer:''' Done and done! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Burns has called in an elderly strikebreaking team led by Grampa Simpson.]''
:'''Grampa''': We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. ''[other strikebreakers mutter in agreement]'' One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville: I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. &quot;Gimme five bees for a quarter,&quot; you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because o' the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

===''[[w:So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show|So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show]]''===
:'''Bart''': You're going down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you!
:'''Homer''': You talk better than you fool.
:'''Bart''': I'll fool you up real nice.
:'''Homer''': You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Mmm… beer.
:''[While the thermostat is set to very high levels, Homer begins to open the can of beer Bart had shaken up with a paint mixer.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': April F- ''[an explosion of beer blows out the windows and roof of the Simpsons' house and takes the shape of a mushroom cloud, Lou and Chief Wiggum stop the police car.]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Eddie and Lou|Lou]]''': That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
:'''[[w:Clancy Wiggum|Chief Wiggum]]''': Forget it! That's two blocks away.
:'''Lou''': ''[squints]'' Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[gets out of the car]'' I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
:'''Lou''': ''[into radio as Wiggum runs towards the cloud]'' We need pretzels! Repeat, pretzels!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Dr. Hibbert|Dr. Hibbert]]''': Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. ''[Simpson family gasps except for Marge, Bart and Lisa, laughs]'' April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': I, uh, brought you a little present. ''[gives Homer a can of beer]''
:'''Homer''': No. No! Beer bring pain!
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': I can't stand to see him like that this. ''[Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away]''
:'''Moe''': He really needs a girlfriend.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Grampa Simpson|Grampa]]''': Poor Homer. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.
:'''Homer''': ''[gargles]'' Rrraaahhh…
:'''Grampa''': ''Ah!'' Kill it! ''Kill it''!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Grampa, please, he's in a coma.
:'''Grampa''': Coma? Pffft. Why, I go in and out of comas all the- ''[falls asleep, pauses, wakes up]'' French toast, please.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Is a coma painful?
:'''Grampa''': Oh, heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girl from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': ''[bursts thru the ward]'' This man is costing my health plan $5000 a day! I demand that Joe die with dignity. ''[he plugs the plug]''
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': Now, look, I'm the doctor here.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well, I demand a second opinion.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Dr. Nick|Dr. Nick]]''': ''[pops in]'' Hi, everybody!
:'''All''': Hi, Dr. Nick! ''[Nick pokes Homer's abdomen with a reflex hammer]''
:'''Homer''': ''[squeaks]'' Mrrh.
:'''Dr. Nick''': Oh dear, I see no signs of life. Just to be safe, we better pull the plug.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yoink!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Dad, it's all my fault. I shook up that can of beer. It was just an April Fools joke.
:''[Life support machine starts to change from showing Homer's life signs to outlines of Bart. His mouth begins to form a growl, his fingers twitch and his eyes slowly open in anger.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[angrily turns red]'' Why, you little--!! ''[grabs Bart and proceeds to strangle him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': You lost 5% of your brain.
:'''Homer''': Me lose brain? Uh-oh! ''[Everyone including Homer laughs]'' Why I laugh?
:''[The episode ends, showrunner appears. The credits begins. After the credits, Gracie Films and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:The Front (The Simpsons)|The Front]]''===

:''[after watching the listless and boring ''Itchy &amp; Scratchy'' episode &quot;Dazed and Contused&quot;]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[takes an angry puff from his cigarette]'' Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...''[notices the cameras are on him]'': Ha, ha! Hey, wow! Wasn't that great, kids?
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': That's as bad as the tasteless &quot;Itchy &amp; Sambo&quot; cartoons of the late '30s. The writers should be ashamed of themselves.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Cartoons have writers?
:'''Lisa''': Eh, sort of.
:'''Bart''': Oh yeah? Well you and I could write a better cartoon than that.
:'''Lisa''': Write a cartoon ourselves? Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
:'''Bart''': Probably not. ''[in his mind, Bart is thinking about holding Santa Claus at gunpoint]'' Lie in the snow and count to 60. ''[Bart leaps into the sleigh and cracks the reins]'' Hiyah! ''[laughs evilly as he flies into the distance]'' Merry Christmas, suckers!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer's Brain''': This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.
:'''Homer''': Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
:'''Marge''': Oh, my God!
:'''Homer's Brain''': No, the other secret!
:'''Homer''': Marge, I never graduated from high school.
:'''Marge''': Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap... Wait, maybe it does...
:'''Homer''': I never passed Remedial Science 1-A.
:'''Marge''' ''[concerned]'' And '''''you're''''' a nuclear technician?
:'''Homer''': Marge, [[w:Pig latin|ix-nay on the uclear-nay echnician-tay]]!
:'''Marge''': What did you say?
:'''Homer''' ''[upset]'' I don't know. I flunked Latin, too!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''' ''[as she's going over the mail]'': Third notice? ''Final'' notice? &quot;Some guys are coming&quot;?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[typing a letter]'': &quot;Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am '''''not'''''  a crackpot.&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[as he's typing out a complaint letter]'': &quot;When I read your magazine, I don't see one wrinkled face or single toothless grin. For ''shame''. To the sickos at ''Modern Bride'' magazine...&quot;

===''[[w:Whacking Day|Whacking Day]]''===
:''[Bart and the bullies make their way to Utility Basement B looking for mountain bikes.]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Hey, what gives? Where are the mountain bikes?
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': ''[appears]'' Sorry about the ruse, gentlemen. You're being swept under the rug for the superintendent's visit. Enjoy. ''[closes the door and locks them in]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Jimbo Jones|Jimbo]]''': How are we going to get out of here?
:'''Nelson''': And when are we going to get our mountain bikes?
:'''Principal Skinner''': ''[outside of the room]'' Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
:'''[[w:Groundskeeper Willie|Groundskeeper Willie]]''': Nay, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
:'''Principal Skinner''': Wise counsel, William, but the potty talk adds nothing.
:'''Willie''': Aye, sir. ''[under his breath]'' Ye bath-takin', underpants-wearin', lily-hugger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Springfield residents track down the snakes to the Simpson place, but Lisa wants a stop to the killing.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Now wait a minute! How could you do this to snakes after all they've done for you?
:'''[[w:Abraham Simpson|Grandpa]]''': I'm an old man. I hate everything but ''[[w:Matlock|Matlock]]''. Ooh, it's on now.
:'''Lisa''': Mrs. Glick, who killed all the rats in your basement?
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Mrs. Glick|Mrs. Glick]]''': Snake did.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': And you love snakes, don't you Mr. White?
:'''[[w:Barry White|Barry White]]''': I love the sexy slither of a lady snake. Oh baby.

===''[[w:Marge in Chains|Marge in Chains]]''===
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I-- Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Is that bad?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
:'''Marge''': You did?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, replace the word &quot;kinda&quot; with the word &quot;repeatedly&quot;, and the word &quot;dog&quot; with &quot;son.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot she was carrying that bottle of ''[looks at bottle]'' delicious... bourbon... brownest of the brown liquors... ''[hugs bottle]'' so tempting... ''[puts the bottle to his ear]'' What's that?  You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial. Excuse me. ''[Hutz rushes out of courtroom to call his best friend]'' Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
:'''[[David Crosby|Crosby]]''': Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
:'''Hutz''': I love you too, man.

===''[[w:Krusty Gets Cancelled|Krusty Gets Kancelled]]''===
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Every time you watch my show, I will send you $40! ''[holds up check to audience]''
:'''Man''': ''[quick voice-over]'' Checks will not be honored.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, would you guys be interested in a Krusty the Clown comeback special?
:'''[[w:Flea (musician)|Flea]]''': Sure, if you can get us out of this gig.
:'''Bart''': No problemo. Hey, Moe! Look over there! ''[Bart points to a blank wall]''
:'''Moe''': What? What am I looking at? I don't see anything. Gonna stop looking now! What, is that it...?
:'''Homer''': Hey, Moe, can I look too?
:'''Moe''': Sure, but it'll cost you.
:'''Homer''': My wallet's in the car!
:'''Moe''': ''[chuckles]'' He is so stupid. And now back to the wall!

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 04}}

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      <text bytes="51776" sha1="pnd0wxhsyb58qzsjhbvv2ive7omvfaq" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Simpsons''/Season 4}}
{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

===''[[w:Kamp Krusty|Kamp Krusty]]''===
:'''Lisa''': You're serving us gruel?
:'''Dolph''': Not quite. ''[pulls out a large drum of gruel with Krusty's face on the front]'' This is Krusty-Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Krusty has arrived at the camp to deal with the Bart-led riot]''
:'''Bart''': How could you, Krusty? I'd never lend my name to an inferior product.
:'''Krusty''': ''[crying]'' They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone!
:'''Bart''': Krusty, this camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[sobs]''
:'''Bart''': Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
:'''Krusty''': Was it a nice hat?
:'''Bart''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[continues sobbing]''

===''[[w:A Streetcar Named Marge|A Streetcar Named Marge]]''===
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Hello! I am Llewelyn Sinclair! I have directed three plays in my career and I have had three heart attacks. That's how much I care, I am planning for a fourth.
:'''Marge''': Hmm, maybe I should have taken a nice calligraphy class.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, forget it, that Mr. Takahashi's a lunatic.
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Quiet!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Sorry. 
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': I'm not an easy man to work for. While directing ''Hats Off to Chanukkah'', I reduced more than one cast member to tears. Did I expect too much from fourth-graders? The review &quot;Play enjoyed by all&quot;... ''[holds up an elementary school newspaper with said headline]'' speaks for itself.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hmm.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Are there any jive-talking robots in this play?
:'''Marge''': I don't think so.
:'''Homer''': Bart, don't ask stupid questions. ''[to Marge]'' Is there any frontal nudity?
:'''Marge''': ''[sighs]'' No, Homer.
:''[Back in Springfield Community Center]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy''': My name is Helen Lovejoy. I'm been playing Stella.
:'''Apu''': I am Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. I played Steve.
:'''Otto''': My name is Otto! I'm playing Pablo!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!
:'''Marge''': I'm Marge Simpson. I'm played Blanche. I'm make some peanut butter brownies for anyone.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Opening number of &quot;Oh, Streetcar!&quot;]''
:''[The curtain rises revealing Chief Wiggum standing in front of a set resembling the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesars%20Superdome New Orleans Superdome]
:'''Chief Wiggum as chorus member''': 
:Long before the Superdome, 
:Where the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New%20Orleans%20Saints Saints of football] play, 
:There’s a city that the damned call home,
:Hear their hellish rondelet...
:''[The set rotates revealing a New Orleans street set surrounded by the other chorus members]''
:'''Chorus members''': New Orleans! 
:Home of pirates, drunks, and whores, 
:New Orleans!
:Tacky, overpriced souvenir stores,
:If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip,
:To the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip'
:New Orleans!
:Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile,
:New Orleans!
:Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul,
:New Orleans!
:Crummy, lousy, rancid and rank,
:New Orleans!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Introduction of Blanche DuBois played by Marge]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy as Stella''': ''[To Blanche]'' ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' What's the matter, honey? Are you lost?
:'''Marge as Blanche''': ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' I'm looking for my sister, Stella.
:'''Lisa''': ''[In the audience]'' It's mom! 
:''[Homer, Bart and Maggie look up to see Marge is now on stage]''
:'''Blanche''': My name is Blanche DuBois. 
:''[singing]'' I thought my life would be a Mardi Gras...
:A never-ending party... ''[pause]'' Ha!
:I'm a faded Southern dame without a dime...
:'''Apu as Steve the paperboy''' I am collecting for the evening star.
:'''Blanche''': Come here, I wanna kiss you just once... softly and sweetly...on your mouth...
:'''Steve''': ''[singing]'' I am just a simple paperboy, no romance do I seek..
:I just wanted forty cents, for my deliveries last week...
:Will this bewitching floozy...
:Seduce this humble newsie?
:Oh, what's a paperboy to... doooooo?
:''[Blanche kisses him]'' Woo-hoo!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[&quot;Stanley's torment&quot; musical number]''
:'''Ned as Stanley''': ''[yelling]'' '''Stella! STELLLAAAA!'''  
:''[singing]'' Can't you hear me YELLA!
:You're puttin' me through HELLA!  '''Stella...  STELLLAAAA!'''

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Blache flies around the stage in anguish surrounded by red fog and lasers]''
:'''Bart''': ''[in the audience]'' Cool! She can fly!
:'''Lisa''': I think it's supposed to symbolize her decent into madness

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Closing number]''
:'''Blanche''': Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers...
:''[song begins]''
:'''Chorus''': You can always depend on the kindness of strangers, to pluck up your spirits, and shield you from dangers.
:'''Blanche''': Now here's a tip from Blanche you won't regret.
:'''Chorus''': ''[waving good-bye to Blanche as she exits stage right on a motorized streetcar prop]'' 
:A stranger's just a friend you haven't met.
:You ha-ven't met...
:Streetcar!
:''[The curtain falls on the performance and the audience cheers wildly while giving a standing ovation]''

===''[[w:Homer the Heretic|Homer the Heretic]]''===
:''[Groundskeeper Willie tries to unfreeze the church doors with a blowtorch.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': How's that door coming, Willie?
:'''Groundskeeper Willie''': [[Miracles]] are your department, Reverend.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[God appears in Homer's dream, ripping the roof off his house.]''
:'''Homer''': God ...?
:'''God''': ''[points finger at Homer] '''Thou hast forsaken My church!'''''
:'''Homer''': Well, kind of, but-
:'''God''': '''But what?!'''
:'''Homer''': I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?
:'''God''': ''[stops himself]'' Hmm, you've got a point there. ''[sits beside Homer]'' Sometimes, even I would rather be watching football. Does St. Louis still have a team?
:'''Homer''': No, [[w:Arizona Cardinals|they moved to Phoenix]].
:'''God''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Homer''': You know what I really hate about church? Those boring sermons.
:'''God''': ''[sighs]'' I couldn't agree more, that Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. I think I'll give him a canker sore.
:'''Homer''': Give him one for me.
:'''God''': I will. ''[pets Snowball II]''
:'''Homer''': So I figure I should just try to live right and worship You in my own way.
:'''God''': Homer, it's a deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Homer's friends save him from his burning house.]''
:'''Homer''': The Lord is vengeful! ''[falls to his knees]'' O Spiteful One! Show me who to smite, and they shall be smoten!
:'''Ned''': ''[chuckles]'' Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they ''[points to Ned]'' Christian, ''[Krusty]'' Jew, or ''[Apu]'' ...miscellaneous.
:'''Apu''': Hindu! There ''are'' 700 million of us.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': ''[condescendingly]'' Aw, that's super.
:'''Homer''': I was rude to every one of you. And you saved my life when you could've just left me to fry like the proverbial pancake that I am.
:'''Marge''': Aw, Homer! I'm so glad to hear you say that.

===''[[w:Lisa the Beauty Queen|Lisa the Beauty Queen]]''===
:'''Kent Brockman''': Scott, everyone is here from the Mayor's illegitimate son to our own ''[camera focuses up]'' Duff blimp.
:'''Barney''': ''[aboard the Duff blimp]'' Hi. Can I drive?
:'''Pilot''': Well, I can't see the harm.
:''[Barney crashes the blimp into a nearby radio tower, causing the blimp to burst into flames.]''
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[looks away]'' [[w:Hindenburg disaster|Oh, the humanity!]] Anyway, to turn on the store's severe tire damage spikes, here's Little Miss Springfield.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': But it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under &quot;Do not write in this space,&quot; he wrote &quot;Okay.&quot;
:''[Homer and Lisa watch at home]''
:'''Homer''': If it wasn't for me, you'd still be queen. You must hate me.
:'''Lisa''': Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?
:'''Homer''': I dunno. Was I drunk?
:'''Lisa''': Possibly. But the point is, you wanted me to feel better about myself. And I do.
:'''Homer''': Really?
:'''Lisa''': Uh-huh.
:'''Homer''': Will you remember this the next time I wreck your life?
:'''Lisa''': It's a deal.
:''[They hug]''

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror III|Treehouse of Horror III]]''===
:''[First lines]''
:'''Homer''': ''[impersonating Alfred Hitchcock]'' Good evening. ''[normally]'' I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some crybabies out there - religious types, mostly - who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on, I dare you! ''[clucks, flaps his arms]'' Chicken!
:''[suddenly, the screen goes out. In darkness, a white dot is visible; offscreen]'' Hey!
:''[Footstep sounds heard]''
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' Homer, did you just call everyone &quot;chicken&quot;?
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' No. I swear on this Bible.
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' That's not a Bible, that's a book of carpet samples!
:''[The white dot disappears slowly]''
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' Ooh...fuzzy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Do you sell toys?
:'''Shopkeeper''': We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to tread. We also sell [[w:Frozen yogurt|frozen yogurt]],  which I call frogurt.
:'''Homer''': Well, I need something for my son's birthday.
:'''Shopkeeper''': Ah, perhaps this will please the gentleman. ''[picks up a Krusty the Clown doll]'' Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' Ooooh, that's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But it comes with a free frogurt!
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The frogurt is also cursed.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' That's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But you get your choice of topping.
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The toppings contain [[w:Potassium benzoate|potassium benzoate]]. ''[Homer stares]'' That's bad.
:'''Homer''': Can I go now?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer runs naked across the kitchen, trying to escape the Krusty the Clown doll and pass by Marge, Patty, and Selma, who are having lunch. Patty and Selma stare, wide-eyed, then lower their eyelids in disgust as they put down their forks]''
:'''Patty''': There goes the last, lingering thread of my heterosexuality.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Krusty Doll Repair Guy''': Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to &quot;evil&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flanders''': ''[now a zombie]'' Hey Simpson, I'm feeling a might peckish! Mind if I chew your ear?
:''[Homer shoots Flanders]''
:'''Bart''': Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
:'''Homer''': ''[quizzically]'' He was a zombie?

===''[[w:Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie|Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie]]''===
:'''Marge''': Now, be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
:'''Lisa''': What are we gonna have?
:'''Homer''': Well that depends on what your teachers say. If both of you have been good, pizza. If you've been bad, um...let's see, poison.
:'''Lisa''': What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
:'''Bart''': Poison pizza.
:'''Homer''': Oh no, I'm not making two stops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Gee, maybe they mean it this time. From now on, I guess I'd better straighten up and fly--
:'''Homer''': ''[opens Bart's bedroom door as he carrying a pizza box]''  Bart. Don't tell your mother, but I brought you some pizza. Just promise me you'll try to be good.
:'''Bart''': I promise.
:'''Homer''': That-a-boy. ''[leaves and closes Bart's bedroom door]''
:'''Bart''': ''[eating his pizza, chuckling]'' Sucker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sings Jingle Bells while hammering on a mustard packets into the carpet]''
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily catches Bart]'' Bart! Why are you doing that?
:'''Bart''': I don't know.
:'''Homer''': Well, this time you must be punished!
:'''Bart''': Well, you could punish me, but--
:'''Homer''': No tricks, boy. I said I'm gonna punish you. And come hell or high water, I-- ''[he hears a ice cream truck]'' Wait a minute! ''[gasps]'' Ice cream truck! ''[runs out of the house and shoves children out of his way to get a ice cream]'' Me! Me! I was here first!
:''[Scene changes where Homer and Bart are sitting on a curb eating a ice cream outside of their house]''
:'''Homer''': Mmm. Now, what were we talking about, boy?
:'''Bart''': Uh, we were talking about the time you beat jury duty.
:'''Homer''': Oh, yeah. The trick is... to say you're prejudiced against all races.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
:'''Bart''': Not bloody likely.
:'''Homer''': No, it's true. When I was a boy, I wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
:'''Bart''': Dad, what's the point of this story?
:'''Homer''': I like stories.
:'''Bart''': Look, can I please go to the movie?
:'''Homer''': I know my punishment may seem a little harsh, but I can't go back on it. You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
:'''Bart''': TV sucks.
:'''Homer''': ''[low, angry voice]'' I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.

===''[[w:Marge Gets a Job|Marge Gets a Job]]''===
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Marge, I'm giving you a raise and a new office, right next to mine. ''[laughs]''
:'''Smithers''': But sir, that's my office.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Don't worry Smithers, I'm putting you where the action is.
:''[In the men's restroom, Smithers is cleaning the urinals with a toothbrush.]''
:'''Smithers''': Springtime fresh, winter white. What could be better?
:'''Homer''': ''[bursts in and unzips his fly.]'' Aw man, I really gotta...
:'''Smithers''': '''''NOOOOO!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': So do you think I have a case?
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice. ''[he produces a bottle from his desk]'' Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
:'''Marge''': It's 9:30 in the morning.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. ''[takes a generous swig]'' Last chance... ''[Homer and Marge don't respond. Hutz drains the bottle]'' Oh, yeah....

===''[[w:New Kid on the Block|New Kid on the Block]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[a dream cloud has himself making bacon on the beach]'' Oh. Bacon!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': This is where the Winfields hid their mutated son.
:'''Lisa''': Bart, the Winfields didn't have a son!
:'''Bart''': See that sock over there? It was his only friend. ''[high-pitched voice]'' Hello, Lisa. Here in the dark, you won't need those eyes.
:'''Lisa''': Bart! It's not funny!
:'''Bart''': There are some who say the monster is still... ''[flips his eyelids]'' HERE!!! ''[Lisa runs off, screaming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart and Lisa are fighting while Homer is on the phone with a babysitter.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[to Bart and Lisa]'' Shut up, you little monsters!! ''[to the phone]'' I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels.
:''[On the other end of the line.]''
:'''Woman''': I'm sorry, this isn't Abby. This is her sister. I look after her now.
:''[Abby rocks in her chair and mumbles quietly to herself.]''
:'''Abby''': No, Bart... put it down... put it down, Bart... Bart, put it down.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Man at the Kabul''': Sometimes I think you want to fail!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are sitting at their table at The Frying Dutchman, a waiter is taking their order]''
:'''Waiter''': I’m sorry ma’am but everything on the menu has fish in it. 
:'''Marge''': What about the bread? Does that have much fish in it?
:'''Waiter''': Yes. 
:'''Marge''': Well, I have some Tic-Tacs in my purse ''[looking through her purse]''
:'''Waiter''': Excellent choice. ''[writes on his notepad then turns to Homer]'' And for the gentleman?
:'''Homer''': All you can eat! All you can eat!
:'''Waiter''': All right, when you’re ready, take this plate over- ''[holds up a small plate to give to Homer but he is already taking a tray from the buffet table]''
:'''Kitchen staff member''': Please, don’t take the steam tray! Sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Laura''': ''[finding out some nincompoop teleported in Texas at an arcade]'' If I hit the &quot;remorse&quot; button one more time, I would've made it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[It is now 6:00 at night and Homer is still eating relentlessly as Marge is sleeping across the table from him. The staff members and the Sea Captain watch in awe]''
:'''Teenage waiter''': That man ate all our shrimp and two plastic lobsters. 
:'''Sea Captain''': 'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eating machine. Argh. ''[walks over to Marge and Homer]'' 6 bells, time for closing. 
:'''Homer''': Can't talk. Eating. 
:'''Sea Captain''': Fairly warned be thee, says I. ''[he snaps his fingers and two waiters drag Homer out of the restaurant as he is still eating]''
:'''Homer''': Hey. Hey! Hey! ''[runs back to the buffet table, starts shovelling food with his hands and the waiters drag him out again as Marge follows on foot]'' But the sign said &quot;All You Can Eat&quot;!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant.
:'''Marge''': We pretty much went straight home.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath.
:'''Marge''': We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': And when you couldn't find any?
:'''Marge''': ''[crying]'' We went fishing!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[to the jury]'' Do these sound like the actions of a man who'd had all he could eat?
:'''The Jury''': ''[all of whom are incredibly obese]'' No!
:'''One Particular Fat Juror''': That could have been '''me!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Zookeeper! Zookeeper, those two monkeys are killing each other!
:'''Zookeeper''': ''[quietly, to Homer's ear]'' &lt;small&gt;They're having sex.&lt;/small&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Maybe you're right. Now, if you'll excuse us... ''[Marge leaves]'' this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father. Son, a woman is a lot like, um... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and-- Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good. They look good. You'd step over your own mother just to get one! ''[drinks his can of Duff Beer]'' But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman. ''[grabs another can of Duff Beer from the refrigerator]''
:''(hours later, the kitchen table is littered with beer cans. Homer is visibly drunk while Bart has lost interest in the conversation)''
:'''Homer''' ''(drunkenly)'': ...so I sez, &quot;Yeah? If you want that money, come and find it, 'cuz I don't where it is, ya baloney! ''You'' make me wanna ''retch''!&quot; ''(falls asleep, snoring)''

===''[[w:Mr. Plow|Mr. Plow]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[angry]'' Mr. West, you said there was a job for me.
:'''[[Adam West]]''': There was. When I called you, ''[camera zooms in dramatically]'' 45 minutes ago.
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': So long, Superman, your secret identity is safe with me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak. Our own Arnie Pye is on the scene.
:'''[[w:List of media personalities in The Simpsons#Arnie Pye|Arnie Pye]]''': ''[live remote, in a helicopter]'' Everything's snowed in, all I can see is white!
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[impatiently]'' Arnie, please. The ski conditions.
:'''Pye''': ''[now upside-down]'' Mayday, mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain! Tell my wife I love-- ''[picture fuzzes out]''
:'''Brockman''': ''[chuckles]'' That's great, Arnie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[signing his jingle]'' ''Call Mr. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!''

===''[[w:Lisa's First Word|Lisa's First Word]]''===
:'''Marge''': Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say mama?
:'''Bart''': Can you say get bent?
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': Mr. Rogers says all the time.
:'''Marge''': He does not.
:'''Homer''': Maggie, can you say daddy? Daddy.
:'''Marge''': Kitty. Kitty.
:'''Lisa''': Be-bop. Be-bop.
:'''Bart''': Shove it. Shove it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart:''' Homer!
:'''Homer:''' ''[laughs, picks up Bart]'' Homer is what grown-ups call me. Call me Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy.
:'''Bart:''' Da-- Da-- Da--.
:'''Homer:''' Yes.
:'''Bart:''' Domer. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[turns red in anger]'' Why you little... ''[angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey, Homer, this house sucks!
:'''Homer''': Bart, I told you not to use that word. Call me daddy!
:'''Bart''': Homer, nah!
:''[Homer angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Krusty has just announced Krusty Burger's Olympic sweepstakes]''
:'''Krusty''': Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?
:'''Company Agent''': Not to worry, Mr. K, we've rigged the cards; they're all in events that Communists never lose.
:'''Krusty''': ''[satisfied]'' I like, I like!
:'''Aide''': This just came in over the wires, Big K! ''[hands him a paper sheet]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[reading]'' &quot;[[w:1984 Summer Olympics boycott|Soviet boycott]], U.S. unopposed in most events&quot;. How does this affect our giveaway?
:'''Company Agent''': Let's see. ''[punches numbers into a calculator]'' You personally stand to lose 44 million dollars.
:''[Krusty sobs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': Welcome back to this, the final day of the 23rd Olympiad, brought to you by Krusty Burger.
:'''Krusty''': ''[furious]'' YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS! ''[sobs]'' I personally am gonna spit in every 50th burger!
:'''Homer''': ''[surrounded by piles of free Krusty Burgers]'' I like those odds.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is in the hospital the day Lisa is born. Lisa is in her bassinet while Homer talks to her and Marge reads &quot;Fretful Mother&quot; magazine]''
:'''Homer''': Little Lisa. I've already started you a college fund at Lincoln Savings and Loan.
:'''Marge''': According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her.
:'''Homer''': Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are discussing moving out]''
:'''Marge''': I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.
:'''Homer''': No, we won't. I got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib, and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
:'''Marge''': Won't that warp him?
:'''Homer''': My cousin Frank did it.
:'''Marge''': You don't have a cousin Frank.
:'''Homer''': He became Francine in '76, then he joined that cult. I think his name is &quot;Mother Shabubu&quot; now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby.
:'''Marge''': I'm sorry, Bart. You're too little.
:'''Homer''': Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. ''[he places his can of beer on Bart's head]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Homer''': What?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I was sitting there!
:'''Lisa''': I don't see your name on it!
:'''Bart''': It's right there!
:'''Marge''': Bart, don't write on the rug.
:'''Lisa''': Ha-ha. Mom yelled at you.
:'''Bart''': Did not.
:'''Lisa''': Did too.
:'''Homer''': You know, Maggie, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. ''[he puts Maggie to bed]'' I hope you never say a word. ''[switches the light off, closes the door]''
:'''Maggie''': ''[pulls her pacifier out of her mouth]'' Daddy. ''[puts her pacifier back on her mouth and goes to sleep as the episode ends; credits showrunner appears; starting the credits. After the credits, Gracie Films logo appears and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:Homer's Triple Bypass|Homer's Triple Bypass]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We feel neither highs or lows.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Really? What's it like?
:'''Lisa''': ''[shrugs]'' Eh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Hey hey! ''[goofy laugh]'' ''[Homer grunts in pain; clutching his chest.]'' Hey, what's the matter? Oh, right. My grotesque appearance!
:'''Homer''': Krusty, why are you here?
:'''Krusty''': Eh, it's part of my public service for my &quot;[[wikipedia:Drunk driving|Glug-glug, vroom-vroom]], [[w:Vehicular manslaughter|thump-thump]].&quot;
:'''Homer''': Well, I could use a laugh.
:'''Krusty''': Well, there's nothing funny about what you're about to go through. I know! ''[Takes off his shirt, revealing a pacemaker scar.]'' I'm in the zipper club myself! ''[lights a cigarette]''
:'''Homer''': You seem pretty healthy.
:'''Krusty''': Yeah? Well I got news for ya: this ain't makeup!

===''[[w:Marge vs. the Monorail|Marge vs. the Monorail]]''===
:'''Lyle Lanley''': You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it.
:''[Everyone laughs except Homer who at first doesn't get the joke]''
:'''Homer''': Heh-heh, mule.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': The name's Lanley, Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest —Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Shelbyville idea.
:'''Mayor Quimby''': Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': All right, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll ''show'' you my idea. I give you the Springfield Monorail! ''[everyone gasps]'' I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum, it put them on the map! Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified six-car monorail! What'd I say?
:'''Ned''': Monorail!
:'''Lyle''': What's it called?
:'''Patty and Selma''': Monorail.
:'''Lyle''': That's right, monorail! ''[the crowd starts chanting &quot;monorail&quot; as Lyle begins to play piano]''
:'''Ms. Hoover''': I hear those things are awfully loud.
:'''Lyle''': It glides as softly as a cloud!
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': Is there a chance the track could bend?
:'''Lyle''': Not on your life, my Hindu friend!
:'''Barney''': What about us brain-dead slobs?
:'''Lyle''': You'll be given cushy jobs!
:'''Abe Simpson''': Were you sent here by the Devil?
:'''Lyle''': No, good sir, I'm on the level!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': The ring came off my pudding can.
:'''Lyle''': Take my pen knife, my good man! I swear it's Springfield's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! ('''Lyle''': What's it called?) Monoraaaaaaail!! ('''Lyle''': Once again!) Monoraaaaaaail!!!
:'''Marge''': But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
:'''Bart''': Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! Monoraaaaaaail!! Monoraaaaaaail!!! MONORAIL!
:'''Homer''': Mono... ''[realizes the song is over]'' D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge opens the fire extinguisher cabinet, sees a mother opossum with four offspring sleeping, who then start hissing]''
:'''Marge''': Homer, there's a family of possums in here!
:'''Homer''': I call the big one Bitey.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A solar eclipse forms outside]''
:'''[[Leonard Nimoy]]''': A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet... goes on.
:'''Male Passenger''': Does anyone want to switch seats?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lyle Lanley tries to escape on a plane with Springfield’s money]''
:'''Pilot''': Folks, this is your captain speaking. Our nonstop flight to Tahiti will be making a brief layover in North Haverbrook.
:'''Lyle''': North Haverbrook. Where have I heard that name before? ''[suddenly remembers]'' Oh, no. '''Oh, no!'''
:'''Man with pitchfork''': There he is! Seat 3-F!
:''[The angry citizens of North Haverbrook beat Lyle Lanley with many items]''

===''[[w:Selma's Choice|Selma's Choice]]''===
''(Homer, Bart, and Lisa are getting ready for Duff Gardens)''
:'''Homer''': Now what do we say when we get to the ticket booth?
:'''Bart''' and '''Lisa''' ''(in unison)'': We're under six.
:'''Homer''': And I'm a college student. ''(chuckles)''
:''(Marge comes in, upset)''
:'''Marge''': Kids, I've got some bad news. Your great-aunt Gladys has...passed on.
:'''Bart''' ''(running through his head who Great-Aunt Gladys is)'': Gladys...Gladys. About yea-high ''(puts his hand where his eyes  are)'', blue hair, big dent in her forehead?
:'''Marge''': No, honey. Gladys looked more like your Aunt Patty.
:'''Bart''' ''(stares blankly, then shudders)'': Ugh! Oh, yeah. There she is.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': The funeral is in Littleneck Falls. Looks like we'll have to go to Duff Gardens another time.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We understand.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': No use complaining about something you can't change.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': But I wanna go to Duff Gardens. Right now!
:'''Marge''': Homer, quit pouting.
:'''Homer''': I'm not pouting. I'm mourning. ''(to himself)'': Stupid dead woman.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hans Moleman''': ''[reading an eye chart at the DMV and failing]'' R...Q...J...question mark...smiley face...
:''[cut to Selma stamping &quot;VOID&quot; on Hans' driver's license]''
:'''Selma Bouvier''': Next! ''(double checks the license)'': Wait a minute. It says here you're single.
:'''Hans Moleman'''  ''(scared)'': Did I do wrong?
:'''Hans''': ''[cut to Selma and Hans at a fancy restaurant. Hans is trying to read the menu]'' Combed, biscuits, chicken, yellow, mailman.
:'''Waitress''': You're reading the wine list, sir.
:'''Hans''': Very good.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(Selma comes back from her date with Hans Moleman)''
:'''Marge''': Selma, your date's over already?
:'''Selma''': Yeah. I was so depressed, I ate a jar of expired olives. ''(sighs)'': I guess I'll never have a baby.
:'''Lisa''' ''(as she's watching a Duff Gardens commercial where Lance Murdock and a bunch of unnamed riders are being knocked back and forth on a large version of a Newton's cradle)'': Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, but have you ever considered artificial insemination.
:'''Homer''' ''(giggles)'': Boy, I don't know. You've got to be pretty desperate to make it with a robot. 
:''(Marge whispers in Homer's ear what artificial insemination really is)''
:'''Homer''': I knew that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey Lise, I dare you to drink the water.
:'''Lisa''' ''(looks down at the water they're floating on. It is a dark brown, sludgy mess)'': I'm not sure that ''is'' water...
:'''Bart''': Chicken. ''[begins clucking loudly]''
:'''Lisa''': Quit it, Bart. Quit it! QUIT IT, QUIT IT!
:'''Selma''': Bart, be quiet! Lisa, drink the water!
:''(Lisa bends down and drinks some from her cupped hands. She groans as her grip on reality starts to slip. She stares at the Dutch girl robots)''
:'''Dutch Girl Robots''' ''(begins to sound discordant and ominous)'': Duff Beer for me/Duff Beer for you...''(Lisa blinks and her eyes go white and hollow)'': I'll have a Duff...Duff...Duff... ''(the Dutch girl robots pull away into the darkness)''
:''(the darkness of the ride is now punctuated with strange lights as Lisa begins acting paranoid)''
:'''Lisa''': They're all around me! No way out! ''(cackles insanely)'': NO WAY OUT, I TELL YOU! ''(grabs Selma by her dress collar)''
:'''Selma''' ''(as a 1960s Jimi Hendrix-style rock version of the &quot;Duff Beer for Me&quot; jingle plays and Lisa sees Selma as a multi-eyed monster with green skin)'': What's wrong? Ah, you just put your head right here. ''(sticks out her shoulder. The shoulder suddenly grows a mouth and snarls. The mouth on Selma's shoulder turns into Lisa's screaming mouth. Zoom out to reveal Lisa swinging an oar at Selma and Bart)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Bart gets rescued from The Barrel Roll. Selma is speaking with the security guard as Bart is trying to keep his eyes open]''
:'''Selma''': Don't blame these kids. ''[groans]'': It's not their fault. I think their father is missing a chromosome.
:'''Security Guard #1''': Miss Bouvier, while we were rescuing this boy, hoodlums made off with three bumper cars!
:''[cut to Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney -- who were previously arrested for being a roaming gang in the second Duff Gardens commercial -- driving down the road on three detached bumper cars that somehow are still functioning, laughing as they ride off into the sunset, past a sign that says &quot;Leaving Duff Gardfns&quot;]''
:''[cut back to the security shack]''
:'''Security Guard #1''': And I don't think George Washington will ever be the same.
:''[cut to a robotics engineer trying to fix the George Washington robot from the Duff Hall of Presidents, which is now reduced to just his head, only to back away as it starts jabbering]''
:''[a second security guard and a man in a white doctor's coat come in with a pale and jittery Lisa, clad in only a towel]''
:'''Security Guard''' ''[as Lisa's hollow eyes dart frantically and her skin color goes from white to pale yellow]'': We found ''this''  one swimming ''naked'' in the Fermentarium. 
:'''Lisa''': I ''AM'' THE LIZARD ''QUEEN''!
:'''White-coated Man''': Give her this...''[gives Selma two pills]''...and this...''[gives her two more as Lisa is shivering]''...and then these. ''[gives her an entire handful]''
:'''Selma''': Thank you, doctor.
:'''White-coated Man''': Oh, I'm not a doctor.

===''[[w:Brother from the Same Planet|Brother from the Same Planet]]''===
:''[Bart's class is having Show and Tell]''
:'''Bart''': Someday, I want to be an F-14 pilot like my hero, Tom. He lent me this new weapon called a neural disrupter.
:''[Bart demonstrates the sheer power of the neural disrupter by shooting it at Martin's forehead]''
:'''Martin''': Hey...
:''[falls down on the ground, twitching]''
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': He's not dead, is he Bart?
:'''Bart''': Nah, but I wouldn't give him any homework for awhile.
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Very good, Bart. Thank you.
:'''Bart''': Oh, don't thank me. Thank an unprecedented [[Ronald Reagan|eight-year military build-up]].
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Mmm. Milhouse, you're next.
:'''Milhouse''': Uh, I have a horsey.
:''[mimics his toy horse neighing weakly which then trails off]''
:'''Nelson''': Wuss!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[during Krusty's monologue on ''Tuesday Night Live'']''
:'''Krusty''': We got a great show for ya. Well, actually, the last half-hour is a real garbage dump! ''[sighs]'': We'll be right back.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the band from ''Tuesday Night Live'' plays before going to commercial]'':
:'''Bart''': I miss Joe Piscopo.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': This just in, a fist-fight is in progress in downtown Springfield. Initial reports indicate, and these are very preliminary, that one of the fighters is a giant lizard. ''[shot of [[Godzilla]] appears in the background.]'' Do we have a source on this? Uh-huh, a bunch of drunken frat boys. All right, I could use some names. &quot;I.P Freely&quot;. Uh... ''[realizes]'' Grrr!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[after Bart comes home]'' Hello, son. Where have you been? 
:'''Bart''': Playing with Milhouse.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' No, you haven't! You've been out gallivanting around with that floozy of a bigger brother of yours! Haven't you? Haven't you? Look at me! 
:'''Bart''': Dad, it just kind of happened. You're taking this too hard.
:'''Homer''': How would you like me to take it? Go ahead, Bart. Have your fun. I'll be waiting for you? I'm sorry. I can't do it!  
:'''Bart''': Well, what are you gonna do?
:'''Homer''': Oh-ho. You'll see.

===''[[w:I Love Lisa|I Love Lisa]]''===
:''[Lisa opens a package from Ralph.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': A Malibu Stacy convertible! ''[she finds a note from Ralph]'' &quot;Look in the tunk.&quot; He must mean &quot;trunk&quot;. ''[opens trunk]'' Two tickets to the Krusty Anniversary Show! Oh, he must want me to go with him.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': That's not fair! I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty Home Pregnancy test!
:'''Lisa''': I'm not sure if I ''should'' go. I don't even like him.
:'''Bart''': You're right, Lis. You shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest. I'll go disguised as you.
:'''Lisa''': But what if he wants to hold hands?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to kiss?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to--
:'''Bart''': You don't want to know how far I'll go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Determined to avenge Ralph for being harshly spurned by Lisa, Chief Wiggum pulls Homer over.]''
:'''Homer''': Is there a problem, officer?
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Yep. Got a tail-light out.
:'''Homer''': Where?
:'''Wiggum''': ''[smashes a tail-light]'' Right there.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops!
:'''Wiggum''': ''[alarmed]'' They are? Oh no! Have they set a date?

===''[[w:Duffless|Duffless]]''===
:[''as Lisa comes back to find her steroid-pumped tomato splattered all over Principal Skinner, who's trembling from post-traumatic stress disorder as the children laugh at him'']
:'''Lisa''' ''[shouting]'' &lt;big&gt;BART!&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At an [[w:Alcoholics Anonymous|Alcoholics Anonymous]]  meeting.]''
:'''[[w:Otto Mann|Otto]]''': My name is Ot-to. I ''love'' to get blot-to.
:'''[[w:Hans Moleman|Hans Moleman]]''': My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm ''31'' years old.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': My name is Homer and I'm just here because the court made me come.
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again. 
:''[Homer immediately screams and jumps through a window.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[singing]'' [[w:It Was A Very Good Year|When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.]]

===''[[w:Last Exit to Springfield|Last Exit to Springfield]]''===
:''[Mr. Burns and Smithers watch Homer tear up the union contract on a hidden camera]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Who is that firebrand, Smithers?
:'''Smithers''': That's Homer Simpson, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Simpson, eh? New man?
:'''Smithers''': Actually, sir, [[w:Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish|he thwarted your campaign for governor]], [[w:Bart Gets Hit By a Car|you ran over his son]], [[w:Homer Defined|he saved the plant from meltdown]], [[w:Brush with Greatness|his wife painted you in the nude]]...
: '''Mr. Burns''': ...Eh, doesn't ring a bell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Cool! She'll be a freak.
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': We can stick her in a trailer, drive her around the South and charge two bits a gander.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': We don't have to be adversaries, Homer! We ''both'' want a fair union contract!
:'''Homer''': ''[internally]'' ''Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!
:'''Homer''': ''Wait a minute... is he coming onto me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
:'''Homer''': ''My God, he is coming onto me!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': After all... ''negotiations make strange bedfellows''! ''[chuckles, clicks his tongue and winks]''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]''
:'''Homer''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these [[w:Sodomy|backdoor shenanigans]]. Sure, I'm flattered – maybe even a little curious – But the answer is no!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa:''' Do you really think you can get our dental plan back?
:'''Homer:''' Well, that depends on who's the better negotiator, Mr. Burns or me...
:'''Bart:''' Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old Danish.
:'''Homer:''' Done and done! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Burns has called in an elderly strikebreaking team led by Grampa Simpson.]''
:'''Grampa''': We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. ''[other strikebreakers mutter in agreement]'' One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville: I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. &quot;Gimme five bees for a quarter,&quot; you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because o' the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

===''[[w:So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show|So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show]]''===
:'''Bart''': You're going down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you!
:'''Homer''': You talk better than you fool.
:'''Bart''': I'll fool you up real nice.
:'''Homer''': You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Mmm… beer.
:''[While the thermostat is set to very high levels, Homer begins to open the can of beer Bart had shaken up with a paint mixer.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': April F- ''[an explosion of beer blows out the windows and roof of the Simpsons' house and takes the shape of a mushroom cloud, Lou and Chief Wiggum stop the police car.]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Eddie and Lou|Lou]]''': That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
:'''[[w:Clancy Wiggum|Chief Wiggum]]''': Forget it! That's two blocks away.
:'''Lou''': ''[squints]'' Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[gets out of the car]'' I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
:'''Lou''': ''[into radio as Wiggum runs towards the cloud]'' We need pretzels! Repeat, pretzels!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Dr. Hibbert|Dr. Hibbert]]''': Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. ''[Simpson family gasps except for Marge, Bart and Lisa, laughs]'' April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': I, uh, brought you a little present. ''[gives Homer a can of beer]''
:'''Homer''': No. No! Beer bring pain!
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': I can't stand to see him like that this. ''[Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away]''
:'''Moe''': He really needs a girlfriend.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Grampa Simpson|Grampa]]''': Poor Homer. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.
:'''Homer''': ''[gargles]'' Rrraaahhh…
:'''Grampa''': ''Ah!'' Kill it! ''Kill it''!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Grampa, please, he's in a coma.
:'''Grampa''': Coma? Pffft. Why, I go in and out of comas all the- ''[falls asleep, pauses, wakes up]'' French toast, please.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Is a coma painful?
:'''Grampa''': Oh, heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girl from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': ''[bursts thru the ward]'' This man is costing my health plan $5000 a day! I demand that Joe die with dignity. ''[he plugs the plug]''
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': Now, look, I'm the doctor here.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well, I demand a second opinion.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Dr. Nick|Dr. Nick]]''': ''[pops in]'' Hi, everybody!
:'''All''': Hi, Dr. Nick! ''[Nick pokes Homer's abdomen with a reflex hammer]''
:'''Homer''': ''[squeaks]'' Mrrh.
:'''Dr. Nick''': Oh dear, I see no signs of life. Just to be safe, we better pull the plug.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yoink!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Dad, it's all my fault. I shook up that can of beer. It was just an April Fools joke.
:''[Life support machine starts to change from showing Homer's life signs to outlines of Bart. His mouth begins to form a growl, his fingers twitch and his eyes slowly open in anger.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[angrily turns red]'' Why, you little--!! ''[grabs Bart and proceeds to strangle him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': You lost 5% of your brain.
:'''Homer''': Me lose brain? Uh-oh! ''[Everyone including Homer laughs]'' Why I laugh?
:''[The episode ends, showrunner appears. The credits begins. After the credits, Gracie Films and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:The Front (The Simpsons)|The Front]]''===

:''[after watching the listless and boring ''Itchy &amp; Scratchy'' episode &quot;Dazed and Contused&quot;]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[takes an angry puff from his cigarette]'' Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...''[notices the cameras are on him]'': Ha, ha! Hey, wow! Wasn't that great, kids?
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': That's as bad as the tasteless &quot;Itchy &amp; Sambo&quot; cartoons of the late '30s. The writers should be ashamed of themselves.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Cartoons have writers?
:'''Lisa''': Eh, sort of.
:'''Bart''': Oh yeah? Well you and I could write a better cartoon than that.
:'''Lisa''': Write a cartoon ourselves? Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
:'''Bart''': Probably not. ''[in his mind, Bart is thinking about holding Santa Claus at gunpoint]'' Lie in the snow and count to 60. ''[Bart leaps into the sleigh and cracks the reins]'' Hiyah! ''[laughs evilly as he flies into the distance]'' Merry Christmas, suckers!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer's Brain''': This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.
:'''Homer''': Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
:'''Marge''': Oh, my God!
:'''Homer's Brain''': No, the other secret!
:'''Homer''': Marge, I never graduated from high school.
:'''Marge''': Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap... Wait, maybe it does...
:'''Homer''': I never passed Remedial Science 1-A.
:'''Marge''' ''[concerned]'' And '''''you're''''' a nuclear technician?
:'''Homer''': Marge, [[w:Pig latin|ix-nay on the uclear-nay echnician-tay]]!
:'''Marge''': What did you say?
:'''Homer''' ''[upset]'' I don't know. I flunked Latin, too!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''' ''[as she's going over the mail]'': Third notice? ''Final'' notice? &quot;Some guys are coming&quot;?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[typing a letter]'': &quot;Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am '''''not'''''  a crackpot.&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[as he's typing out a complaint letter]'': &quot;When I read your magazine, I don't see one wrinkled face or single toothless grin. For ''shame''. To the sickos at ''Modern Bride'' magazine...&quot;

===''[[w:Whacking Day|Whacking Day]]''===
:''[Bart and the bullies make their way to Utility Basement B looking for mountain bikes.]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Hey, what gives? Where are the mountain bikes?
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': ''[appears]'' Sorry about the ruse, gentlemen. You're being swept under the rug for the superintendent's visit. Enjoy. ''[closes the door and locks them in]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Jimbo Jones|Jimbo]]''': How are we going to get out of here?
:'''Nelson''': And when are we going to get our mountain bikes?
:'''Principal Skinner''': ''[outside of the room]'' Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
:'''[[w:Groundskeeper Willie|Groundskeeper Willie]]''': Nay, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
:'''Principal Skinner''': Wise counsel, William, but the potty talk adds nothing.
:'''Willie''': Aye, sir. ''[under his breath]'' Ye bath-takin', underpants-wearin', lily-hugger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Springfield residents track down the snakes to the Simpson place, but Lisa wants a stop to the killing.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Now wait a minute! How could you do this to snakes after all they've done for you?
:'''[[w:Abraham Simpson|Grandpa]]''': I'm an old man. I hate everything but ''[[w:Matlock|Matlock]]''. Ooh, it's on now.
:'''Lisa''': Mrs. Glick, who killed all the rats in your basement?
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Mrs. Glick|Mrs. Glick]]''': Snake did.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': And you love snakes, don't you Mr. White?
:'''[[w:Barry White|Barry White]]''': I love the sexy slither of a lady snake. Oh baby.

===''[[w:Marge in Chains|Marge in Chains]]''===
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I-- Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Is that bad?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
:'''Marge''': You did?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, replace the word &quot;kinda&quot; with the word &quot;repeatedly&quot;, and the word &quot;dog&quot; with &quot;son.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot she was carrying that bottle of ''[looks at bottle]'' delicious... bourbon... brownest of the brown liquors... ''[hugs bottle]'' so tempting... ''[puts the bottle to his ear]'' What's that?  You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial. Excuse me. ''[Hutz rushes out of courtroom to call his best friend]'' Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
:'''[[David Crosby|Crosby]]''': Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
:'''Hutz''': I love you too, man.

===''[[w:Krusty Gets Cancelled|Krusty Gets Kancelled]]''===
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Every time you watch my show, I will send you $40! ''[holds up check to audience]''
:'''Man''': ''[quick voice-over]'' Checks will not be honored.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, would you guys be interested in a Krusty the Clown comeback special?
:'''[[w:Flea (musician)|Flea]]''': Sure, if you can get us out of this gig.
:'''Bart''': No problemo. Hey, Moe! Look over there! ''[Bart points to a blank wall]''
:'''Moe''': What? What am I looking at? I don't see anything. Gonna stop looking now! What, is that it...?
:'''Homer''': Hey, Moe, can I look too?
:'''Moe''': Sure, but it'll cost you.
:'''Homer''': My wallet's in the car!
:'''Moe''': ''[chuckles]'' He is so stupid. And now back to the wall!

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 04}}

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      <text bytes="51776" sha1="fb8862t0n3b6m8wklprh3aamvcky4rr" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Simpsons''/Season 4}}
{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

===''[[w:Kamp Krusty|Kamp Krusty]]''===
:'''Lisa''': You're serving us gruel?
:'''Dolph''': Not quite. ''[pulls out a large drum of gruel with Krusty's face on the front]'' This is Krusty-Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Krusty has arrived at the camp to deal with the Bart-led riot]''
:'''Bart''': How could you, Krusty? I'd never lend my name to an inferior product.
:'''Krusty''': ''[crying]'' They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone!
:'''Bart''': Krusty, this camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[sobs]''
:'''Bart''': Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
:'''Krusty''': Was it a nice hat?
:'''Bart''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[continues sobbing]''

===''[[w:A Streetcar Named Marge|A Streetcar Named Marge]]''===
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Hello! I am Llewelyn Sinclair! I have directed three plays in my career and I have had three heart attacks. That's how much I care, I am planning for a fourth.
:'''Marge''': Hmm, maybe I should have taken a nice calligraphy class.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, forget it, that Mr. Takahashi's a lunatic.
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Quiet!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Sorry. 
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': I'm not an easy man to work for. While directing ''Hats Off to Chanukkah'', I reduced more than one cast member to tears. Did I expect too much from fourth-graders? The review &quot;Play enjoyed by all&quot;... ''[holds up an elementary school newspaper with said headline]'' speaks for itself.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hmm.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Are there any jive-talking robots in this play?
:'''Marge''': I don't think so.
:'''Homer''': Bart, don't ask stupid questions. ''[to Marge]'' Is there any frontal nudity?
:'''Marge''': ''[sighs]'' No, Homer.
:''[Back in Springfield Community Center]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy''': My name is Helen Lovejoy. I'm been playing Stella.
:'''Apu''': I am Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. I played Steve.
:'''Otto''': My name is Otto! I'm playing Pablo!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!
:'''Marge''': I'm Marge Simpson. I'm played Blanche. I'm make some peanut butter brownies for anyone.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Opening number of &quot;Oh, Streetcar!&quot;]''
:''[The curtain rises revealing Chief Wiggum standing in front of a set resembling the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesars%20Superdome New Orleans Superdome]
:'''Chief Wiggum as chorus member''': 
:Long before the Superdome, 
:Where the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New%20Orleans%20Saints Saints of football] play, 
:There’s a city that the damned call home,
:Hear their hellish rondelet...
:''[The set rotates revealing a New Orleans street set surrounded by the other chorus members]''
:'''Chorus members''': New Orleans! 
:Home of pirates, drunks, and whores, 
:New Orleans!
:Tacky, overpriced souvenir stores,
:If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip,
:To the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip'
:New Orleans!
:Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile,
:New Orleans!
:Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul,
:New Orleans!
:Crummy, lousy, rancid and rank,
:New Orleans!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Introduction of Blanche DuBois played by Marge]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy as Stella''': ''[To Blanche]'' ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' What's the matter, honey? Are you lost?
:'''Marge as Blanche''': ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' I'm looking for my sister, Stella.
:'''Lisa''': ''[In the audience]'' It's mom! 
:''[Homer, Bart and Maggie look up to see Marge is now on stage]''
:'''Blanche''': My name is Blanche DuBois. 
:''[singing]'' I thought my life would be a Mardi Gras...
:A never-ending party... ''[pause]'' Ha!
:I'm a faded Southern dame without a dime...
:'''Apu as Steve the paperboy''' I am collecting for the evening star.
:'''Blanche''': Come here, I wanna kiss you just once... softly and sweetly...on your mouth...
:'''Steve''': ''[singing]'' I am just a simple paperboy, no romance do I seek..
:I just wanted forty cents, for my deliveries last week...
:Will this bewitching floozy...
:Seduce this humble newsie?
:Oh, what's a paperboy to... doooooo?
:''[Blanche kisses him]'' Woo-hoo!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[&quot;Stanley's torment&quot; musical number]''
:'''Ned as Stanley''': ''[yelling]'' '''Stella! STELLLAAAA!'''  
:''[singing]'' Can't you hear me YELLA!
:You're puttin' me through HELLA!  '''Stella...  STELLLAAAA!'''

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Blache flies around the stage in anguish surrounded by red fog and lasers]''
:'''Bart''': ''[in the audience]'' Cool! She can fly!
:'''Lisa''': I think it's supposed to symbolize her decent into madness

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Closing number]''
:'''Blanche''': Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers...
:''[song begins]''
:'''Chorus''': You can always depend on the kindness of strangers, to pluck up your spirits, and shield you from dangers.
:'''Blanche''': Now here's a tip from Blanche you won't regret.
:'''Chorus''': ''[waving good-bye to Blanche as she exits stage right on a motorized streetcar prop]'' 
:A stranger's just a friend you haven't met.
:You ha-ven't met...
:Streetcar!
:''[The curtain falls on the performance and the audience cheers wildly while giving a standing ovation]''

===''[[w:Homer the Heretic|Homer the Heretic]]''===
:''[Groundskeeper Willie tries to unfreeze the church doors with a blowtorch.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': How's that door coming, Willie?
:'''Groundskeeper Willie''': [[Miracles]] are your department, Reverend.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[God appears in Homer's dream, ripping the roof off his house.]''
:'''Homer''': God ...?
:'''God''': ''[points finger at Homer] '''Thou hast forsaken My church!'''''
:'''Homer''': Well, kind of, but-
:'''God''': '''But what?!'''
:'''Homer''': I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?
:'''God''': ''[stops himself]'' Hmm, you've got a point there. ''[sits beside Homer]'' Sometimes, even I would rather be watching football. Does St. Louis still have a team?
:'''Homer''': No, [[w:Arizona Cardinals|they moved to Phoenix]].
:'''God''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Homer''': You know what I really hate about church? Those boring sermons.
:'''God''': ''[sighs]'' I couldn't agree more, that Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. I think I'll give him a canker sore.
:'''Homer''': Give him one for me.
:'''God''': I will. ''[pets Snowball II]''
:'''Homer''': So I figure I should just try to live right and worship You in my own way.
:'''God''': Homer, it's a deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Homer's friends save him from his burning house.]''
:'''Homer''': The Lord is vengeful! ''[falls to his knees]'' O Spiteful One! Show me who to smite, and they shall be smoten!
:'''Ned''': ''[chuckles]'' Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they ''[points to Ned]'' Christian, ''[Krusty]'' Jew, or ''[Apu]'' ...miscellaneous.
:'''Apu''': Hindu! There ''are'' 700 million of us.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': ''[condescendingly]'' Aw, that's super.
:'''Homer''': I was rude to every one of you. And you saved my life when you could've just left me to fry like the proverbial pancake that I am.
:'''Marge''': Aw, Homer! I'm so glad to hear you say that.

===''[[w:Lisa the Beauty Queen|Lisa the Beauty Queen]]''===
:'''Kent Brockman''': Scott, everyone is here from the Mayor's illegitimate son to our own ''[camera focuses up]'' Duff blimp.
:'''Barney''': ''[aboard the Duff blimp]'' Hi. Can I drive?
:'''Pilot''': Well, I can't see the harm.
:''[Barney crashes the blimp into a nearby radio tower, causing the blimp to burst into flames.]''
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[looks away]'' [[w:Hindenburg disaster|Oh, the humanity!]] Anyway, to turn on the store's severe tire damage spikes, here's Little Miss Springfield.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': But it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under &quot;Do not write in this space,&quot; he wrote &quot;Okay.&quot;
:''[Homer and Lisa watch at home]''
:'''Homer''': If it wasn't for me, you'd still be queen. You must hate me.
:'''Lisa''': Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?
:'''Homer''': I dunno. Was I drunk?
:'''Lisa''': Possibly. But the point is, you wanted me to feel better about myself. And I do.
:'''Homer''': Really?
:'''Lisa''': Uh-huh.
:'''Homer''': Will you remember this the next time I wreck your life?
:'''Lisa''': It's a deal.
:''[They hug]''

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror III|Treehouse of Horror III]]''===
:''[First lines]''
:'''Homer''': ''[impersonating Alfred Hitchcock]'' Good evening. ''[normally]'' I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some crybabies out there - religious types, mostly - who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on, I dare you! ''[clucks, flaps his arms]'' Chicken!
:''[suddenly, the screen goes out. In darkness, a white dot is visible; offscreen]'' Hey!
:''[Footstep sounds heard]''
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' Homer, did you just call everyone &quot;chicken&quot;?
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' No. I swear on this Bible.
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' That's not a Bible, that's a book of carpet samples!
:''[The white dot disappears slowly]''
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' Ooh...fuzzy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Do you sell toys?
:'''Shopkeeper''': We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to tread. We also sell [[w:Frozen yogurt|frozen yogurt]],  which I call frogurt.
:'''Homer''': Well, I need something for my son's birthday.
:'''Shopkeeper''': Ah, perhaps this will please the gentleman. ''[picks up a Krusty the Clown doll]'' Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' Ooooh, that's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But it comes with a free frogurt!
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The frogurt is also cursed.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' That's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But you get your choice of topping.
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The toppings contain [[w:Potassium benzoate|potassium benzoate]]. ''[Homer stares]'' That's bad.
:'''Homer''': Can I go now?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer runs naked across the kitchen, trying to escape the Krusty the Clown doll and pass by Marge, Patty, and Selma, who are having lunch. Patty and Selma stare, wide-eyed, then lower their eyelids in disgust as they put down their forks]''
:'''Patty''': There goes the last, lingering thread of my heterosexuality.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Krusty Doll Repair Guy''': Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to &quot;evil&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flanders''': ''[now a zombie]'' Hey Simpson, I'm feeling a might peckish! Mind if I chew your ear?
:''[Homer shoots Flanders]''
:'''Bart''': Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
:'''Homer''': ''[quizzically]'' He was a zombie?

===''[[w:Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie|Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie]]''===
:'''Marge''': Now, be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
:'''Lisa''': What are we gonna have?
:'''Homer''': Well that depends on what your teachers say. If both of you have been good, pizza. If you've been bad, um...let's see, poison.
:'''Lisa''': What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
:'''Bart''': Poison pizza.
:'''Homer''': Oh no, I'm not making two stops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Gee, maybe they mean it this time. From now on, I guess I'd better straighten up and fly--
:'''Homer''': ''[opens Bart's bedroom door as he carrying a pizza box]''  Bart. Don't tell your mother, but I brought you some pizza. Just promise me you'll try to be good.
:'''Bart''': I promise.
:'''Homer''': That-a-boy. ''[leaves and closes Bart's bedroom door]''
:'''Bart''': ''[eating his pizza, chuckling]'' Sucker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sings Jingle Bells while hammering on a mustard packets into the carpet]''
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily catches Bart]'' Bart! Why are you doing that?
:'''Bart''': I don't know.
:'''Homer''': Well, this time you must be punished!
:'''Bart''': Well, you could punish me, but--
:'''Homer''': No tricks, boy. I said I'm gonna punish you. And come hell or high water, I-- ''[he hears a ice cream truck]'' Wait a minute! ''[gasps]'' Ice cream truck! ''[runs out of the house and shoves children out of his way to get a ice cream]'' Me! Me! I was here first!
:''[Scene changes where Homer and Bart are sitting on a curb eating a ice cream outside of their house]''
:'''Homer''': Mmm. Now, what were we talking about, boy?
:'''Bart''': Uh, we were talking about the time you beat jury duty.
:'''Homer''': Oh, yeah. The trick is... to say you're prejudiced against all races.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
:'''Bart''': Not bloody likely.
:'''Homer''': No, it's true. When I was a boy, I wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
:'''Bart''': Dad, what's the point of this story?
:'''Homer''': I like stories.
:'''Bart''': Look, can I please go to the movie?
:'''Homer''': I know my punishment may seem a little harsh, but I can't go back on it. You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
:'''Bart''': TV sucks.
:'''Homer''': ''[low, angry voice]'' I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.

===''[[w:Marge Gets a Job|Marge Gets a Job]]''===
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Marge, I'm giving you a raise and a new office, right next to mine. ''[laughs]''
:'''Smithers''': But sir, that's my office.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Don't worry Smithers, I'm putting you where the action is.
:''[In the men's restroom, Smithers is cleaning the urinals with a toothbrush.]''
:'''Smithers''': Springtime fresh, winter white. What could be better?
:'''Homer''': ''[bursts in and unzips his fly.]'' Aw man, I really gotta...
:'''Smithers''': '''''NOOOOO!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': So do you think I have a case?
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice. ''[he produces a bottle from his desk]'' Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
:'''Marge''': It's 9:30 in the morning.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. ''[takes a generous swig]'' Last chance... ''[Homer and Marge don't respond. Hutz drains the bottle]'' Oh, yeah....

===''[[w:New Kid on the Block|New Kid on the Block]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[a dream cloud has himself making bacon on the beach]'' Oh. Bacon!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': This is where the Winfields hid their mutated son.
:'''Lisa''': Bart, the Winfields didn't have a son!
:'''Bart''': See that sock over there? It was his only friend. ''[high-pitched voice]'' Hello, Lisa. Here in the dark, you won't need those eyes.
:'''Lisa''': Bart! It's not funny!
:'''Bart''': There are some who say the monster is still... ''[flips his eyelids]'' HERE!!! ''[Lisa runs off, screaming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart and Lisa are fighting while Homer is on the phone with a babysitter.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[to Bart and Lisa]'' Shut up, you little monsters!! ''[to the phone]'' I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels.
:''[On the other end of the line.]''
:'''Woman''': I'm sorry, this isn't Abby. This is her sister. I look after her now.
:''[Abby rocks in her chair and mumbles quietly to herself.]''
:'''Abby''': No, Bart... put it down... put it down, Bart... Bart, put it down.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Man at the Kabul''': Sometimes I think you want to fail!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are sitting at their table at The Frying Dutchman, a waiter is taking their order]''
:'''Waiter''': I’m sorry ma’am but everything on the menu has fish in it. 
:'''Marge''': What about the bread? Does that have much fish in it?
:'''Waiter''': Yes. 
:'''Marge''': Well, I have some Tic-Tacs in my purse ''[looking through her purse]''
:'''Waiter''': Excellent choice. ''[writes on his notepad then turns to Homer]'' And for the gentleman?
:'''Homer''': All you can eat! All you can eat!
:'''Waiter''': All right, when you’re ready, take this plate over- ''[holds up a small plate to give to Homer but he is already taking a tray from the buffet table]''
:'''Kitchen staff member''': Please, don’t take the steam tray! Sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Laura''': ''[finding out some nincompoop teleported in Texas at an arcade]'' If I hit the &quot;remorse&quot; button one more time, I would've made it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[It is now 6:00 at night and Homer is still eating relentlessly as Marge is sleeping across the table from him. The staff members and the Sea Captain watch in awe]''
:'''Teenage waiter''': That man ate all our shrimp and two plastic lobsters. 
:'''Sea Captain''': 'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eating machine. Argh. ''[walks over to Marge and Homer]'' 6 bells, time for closing. 
:'''Homer''': Can't talk. Eating. 
:'''Sea Captain''': Fairly warned be thee, says I. ''[he snaps his fingers and two waiters drag Homer out of the restaurant as he is still eating]''
:'''Homer''': Hey. Hey! Hey! ''[runs back to the buffet table, starts shovelling food with his hands and the waiters drag him out again as Marge follows on foot]'' But the sign said &quot;All You Can Eat&quot;!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant.
:'''Marge''': We pretty much went straight home.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath.
:'''Marge''': We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': And when you couldn't find any?
:'''Marge''': ''[crying]'' We went fishing!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[to the jury]'' Do these sound like the actions of a man who'd had all he could eat?
:'''The Jury''': ''[all of whom are incredibly obese]'' No!
:'''One Particular Fat Juror''': That could have been '''me!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Zookeeper! Zookeeper, those two monkeys are killing each other!
:'''Zookeeper''': ''[quietly, to Homer's ear]'' &lt;small&gt;They're having sex.&lt;/small&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Maybe you're right. Now, if you'll excuse us... ''[Marge leaves]'' this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father. Son, a woman is a lot like, um... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and-- Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good. They look good. You'd step over your own mother just to get one! ''[drinks his can of Duff Beer]'' But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman. ''[grabs another can of Duff Beer from the refrigerator]''
:''(hours later, the kitchen table is littered with beer cans. Homer is visibly drunk while Bart has lost interest in the conversation)''
:'''Homer''' ''(drunkenly)'': ...so I sez, &quot;Yeah? If you want that money, come and find it, 'cuz I don't where it is, ya baloney! ''You'' make me wanna ''retch''!&quot; ''(falls asleep, snoring)''

===''[[w:Mr. Plow|Mr. Plow]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[angry]'' Mr. West, you said there was a job for me.
:'''[[Adam West]]''': There was. When I called you, ''[camera zooms in dramatically]'' 45 minutes ago.
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': So long, Superman, your secret identity is safe with me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak. Our own Arnie Pye is on the scene.
:'''[[w:List of media personalities in The Simpsons#Arnie Pye|Arnie Pye]]''': ''[live remote, in a helicopter]'' Everything's snowed in, all I can see is white!
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[impatiently]'' Arnie, please. The ski conditions.
:'''Pye''': ''[now upside-down]'' Mayday, mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain! Tell my wife I love-- ''[picture fuzzes out]''
:'''Brockman''': ''[chuckles]'' That's great, Arnie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[signing his jingle]'' ''Call Mr. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!''

===''[[w:Lisa's First Word|Lisa's First Word]]''===
:'''Marge''': Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say mama?
:'''Bart''': Can you say get bent?
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': Mr. Rogers says all the time.
:'''Marge''': He does not.
:'''Homer''': Maggie, can you say daddy? Daddy.
:'''Marge''': Kitty. Kitty.
:'''Lisa''': Be-bop. Be-bop.
:'''Bart''': Shove it. Shove it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart:''' Homer!
:'''Homer:''' ''[laughs, picks up Bart]'' Homer is what grown-ups call me. Call me Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy.
:'''Bart:''' Da-- Da-- Da--.
:'''Homer:''' Yes.
:'''Bart:''' Domer. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[turns red in anger]'' Why you little... ''[angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey, Homer, this house sucks!
:'''Homer''': Bart, I told you not to use that word. Call me daddy!
:'''Bart''': Homer, nah!
:''[Homer angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Krusty has just announced Krusty Burger's Olympic sweepstakes]''
:'''Krusty''': Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?
:'''Company Agent''': Not to worry, Mr. K, we've rigged the cards; they're all in events that Communists never lose.
:'''Krusty''': ''[satisfied]'' I like, I like!
:'''Aide''': This just came in over the wires, Big K! ''[hands him a paper sheet]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[reading]'' &quot;[[w:1984 Summer Olympics boycott|Soviet boycott]], U.S. unopposed in most events&quot;. How does this affect our giveaway?
:'''Company Agent''': Let's see. ''[punches numbers into a calculator]'' You personally stand to lose 44 million dollars.
:''[Krusty sobs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': Welcome back to this, the final day of the 23rd Olympiad, brought to you by Krusty Burger.
:'''Krusty''': ''[furious]'' YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS! ''[sobs]'' I personally am gonna spit in every 50th burger!
:'''Homer''': ''[surrounded by piles of free Krusty Burgers]'' I like those odds.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is in the hospital the day Lisa is born. Lisa is in her bassinet while Homer talks to her and Marge reads &quot;Fretful Mother&quot; magazine]''
:'''Homer''': Little Lisa. I've already started you a college fund at Lincoln Savings and Loan.
:'''Marge''': According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her.
:'''Homer''': Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are discussing moving out]''
:'''Marge''': I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.
:'''Homer''': No, we won't. I got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib, and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
:'''Marge''': Won't that warp him?
:'''Homer''': My cousin Frank did it.
:'''Marge''': You don't have a cousin Frank.
:'''Homer''': He became Francine in '76, then he joined that cult. I think his name is &quot;Mother Shabubu&quot; now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby.
:'''Marge''': I'm sorry, Bart. You're too little.
:'''Homer''': Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. ''[he places his can of beer on Bart's head]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Homer''': What?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I was sitting there!
:'''Lisa''': I don't see your name on it!
:'''Bart''': It's right there!
:'''Marge''': Bart, don't write on the rug.
:'''Lisa''': Ha-ha. Mom yelled at you.
:'''Bart''': Did not.
:'''Lisa''': Did too.
:'''Homer''': You know, Maggie, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. ''[he puts Maggie to bed]'' I hope you never say a word. ''[switches the light off, closes the door]''
:'''Maggie''': ''[pulls her pacifier out of her mouth]'' Daddy. ''[puts her pacifier back on her mouth and goes to sleep as the episode ends; credits showrunner appears; starting the credits. After the credits, Gracie Films logo appears and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:Homer's Triple Bypass|Homer's Triple Bypass]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We feel neither highs or lows.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Really? What's it like?
:'''Lisa''': ''[shrugs]'' Eh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Hey hey! ''[goofy laugh]'' ''[Homer grunts in pain; clutching his chest.]'' Hey, what's the matter? Oh, right. My grotesque appearance!
:'''Homer''': Krusty, why are you here?
:'''Krusty''': Eh, it's part of my public service for my &quot;[[wikipedia:Drunk driving|Glug-glug, vroom-vroom]], [[w:Vehicular manslaughter|thump-thump]].&quot;
:'''Homer''': Well, I could use a laugh.
:'''Krusty''': Well, there's nothing funny about what you're about to go through. I know! ''[Takes off his shirt, revealing a pacemaker scar.]'' I'm in the zipper club myself! ''[lights a cigarette]''
:'''Homer''': You seem pretty healthy.
:'''Krusty''': Yeah? Well I got news for ya: this ain't makeup!

===''[[w:Marge vs. the Monorail|Marge vs. the Monorail]]''===
:'''Lyle Lanley''': You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it.
:''[Everyone laughs except Homer who at first doesn't get the joke]''
:'''Homer''': Heh-heh, mule.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': The name's Lanley, Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest —Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Shelbyville idea.
:'''Mayor Quimby''': Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': All right, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll ''show'' you my idea. I give you the Springfield Monorail! ''[everyone gasps]'' I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum, it put them on the map! Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified six-car monorail! What'd I say?
:'''Ned''': Monorail!
:'''Lyle''': What's it called?
:'''Patty and Selma''': Monorail.
:'''Lyle''': That's right, monorail! ''[the crowd starts chanting &quot;monorail&quot; as Lyle begins to play piano]''
:'''Ms. Hoover''': I hear those things are awfully loud.
:'''Lyle''': It glides as softly as a cloud!
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': Is there a chance the track could bend?
:'''Lyle''': Not on your life, my Hindu friend!
:'''Barney''': What about us brain-dead slobs?
:'''Lyle''': You'll be given cushy jobs!
:'''Abe Simpson''': Were you sent here by the Devil?
:'''Lyle''': No, good sir, I'm on the level!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': The ring came off my pudding can.
:'''Lyle''': Take my pen knife, my good man! I swear it's Springfield's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! ('''Lyle''': What's it called?) Monoraaaaaaail!! ('''Lyle''': Once again!) Monoraaaaaaail!!!
:'''Marge''': But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
:'''Bart''': Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! Monoraaaaaaail!! Monoraaaaaaail!!! MONORAIL!
:'''Homer''': Mono... ''[realizes the song is over]'' D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge opens the fire extinguisher cabinet, sees a mother opossum with four offspring sleeping, who then start hissing]''
:'''Marge''': Homer, there's a family of possums in here!
:'''Homer''': I call the big one Bitey.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A solar eclipse forms outside]''
:'''[[Leonard Nimoy]]''': A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet... goes on.
:'''Male Passenger''': Does anyone want to switch seats?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lyle Lanley tries to escape on a plane with Springfield’s money]''
:'''Pilot''': Folks, this is your captain speaking. Our nonstop flight to Tahiti will be making a brief layover in North Haverbrook.
:'''Lyle''': North Haverbrook. Where have I heard that name before? ''[suddenly remembers]'' Oh, no. '''Oh, no!'''
:'''Man with pitchfork''': There he is! Seat 3-F!
:''[The angry citizens of North Haverbrook beat Lyle Lanley with many items]''

===''[[w:Selma's Choice|Selma's Choice]]''===
''(Homer, Bart, and Lisa are getting ready for Duff Gardens)''
:'''Homer''': Now what do we say when we get to the ticket booth?
:'''Bart''' and '''Lisa''' ''(in unison)'': We're under six.
:'''Homer''': And I'm a college student. ''(chuckles)''
:''(Marge comes in, upset)''
:'''Marge''': Kids, I've got some bad news. Your great-aunt Gladys has...passed on.
:'''Bart''' ''(running through his head who Great-Aunt Gladys is)'': Gladys...Gladys. About yea-high ''(puts his hand where his eyes  are)'', blue hair, big dent in her forehead?
:'''Marge''': No, honey. Gladys looked more like your Aunt Patty.
:'''Bart''' ''(stares blankly, then shudders)'': Ugh! Oh, yeah. There she is.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': The funeral is in Littleneck Falls. Looks like we'll have to go to Duff Gardens another time.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We understand.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': No use complaining about something you can't change.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': But I wanna go to Duff Gardens. Right now!
:'''Marge''': Homer, quit pouting.
:'''Homer''': I'm not pouting. I'm mourning. ''(to himself)'': Stupid dead woman.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hans Moleman''': ''[reading an eye chart at the DMV and failing]'' R...Q...J...question mark...smiley face...
:''[cut to Selma stamping &quot;VOID&quot; on Hans' driver's license]''
:'''Selma Bouvier''': Next! ''(double checks the license)'': Wait a minute. It says here you're single.
:'''Hans Moleman'''  ''(scared)'': Did I do wrong?
:'''Hans''': ''[cut to Selma and Hans at a fancy restaurant. Hans is trying to read the menu]'' Combed, biscuits, chicken, yellow, mailman.
:'''Waitress''': You're reading the wine list, sir.
:'''Hans''': Very good.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(Selma comes back from her date with Hans Moleman)''
:'''Marge''': Selma, your date's over already?
:'''Selma''': Yeah. I was so depressed, I ate a jar of expired olives. ''(sighs)'': I guess I'll never have a baby.
:'''Lisa''' ''(as she's watching a Duff Gardens commercial where Lance Murdock and a bunch of unnamed riders are being knocked back and forth on a large version of a Newton's cradle)'': Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, but have you ever considered artificial insemination.
:'''Homer''' ''(giggles)'': Boy, I don't know. You've got to be pretty desperate to make it with a robot. 
:''(Marge whispers in Homer's ear what artificial insemination really is)''
:'''Homer''': I knew that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey Lise, I dare you to drink the water.
:'''Lisa''' ''(looks down at the water they're floating on. It is a dark brown, sludgy mess)'': I'm not sure that ''is'' water...
:'''Bart''': Chicken. ''[begins clucking loudly]''
:'''Lisa''': Quit it, Bart. Quit it! QUIT IT, QUIT IT!
:'''Selma''': Bart, be quiet! Lisa, drink the water!
:''(Lisa bends down and drinks some from her cupped hands. She groans as her grip on reality starts to slip. She stares at the Dutch girl robots)''
:'''Dutch Girl Robots''' ''(begins to sound discordant and ominous)'': Duff Beer for me/Duff Beer for you...''(Lisa blinks and her eyes go white and hollow)'': I'll have a Duff...Duff...Duff... ''(the Dutch girl robots fade away into the darkness)''
:''(the darkness of the ride is now punctuated with strange lights as Lisa begins acting paranoid)''
:'''Lisa''': They're all around me! No way out! ''(cackles insanely)'': NO WAY OUT, I TELL YOU! ''(grabs Selma by her dress collar)''
:'''Selma''' ''(as a 1960s Jimi Hendrix-style rock version of the &quot;Duff Beer for Me&quot; jingle plays and Lisa sees Selma as a multi-eyed monster with green skin)'': What's wrong? Ah, you just put your head right here. ''(sticks out her shoulder. The shoulder suddenly grows a mouth and snarls. The mouth on Selma's shoulder turns into Lisa's screaming mouth. Zoom out to reveal Lisa swinging an oar at Selma and Bart)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Bart gets rescued from The Barrel Roll. Selma is speaking with the security guard as Bart is trying to keep his eyes open]''
:'''Selma''': Don't blame these kids. ''[groans]'': It's not their fault. I think their father is missing a chromosome.
:'''Security Guard #1''': Miss Bouvier, while we were rescuing this boy, hoodlums made off with three bumper cars!
:''[cut to Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney -- who were previously arrested for being a roaming gang in the second Duff Gardens commercial -- driving down the road on three detached bumper cars that somehow are still functioning, laughing as they ride off into the sunset, past a sign that says &quot;Leaving Duff Gardfns&quot;]''
:''[cut back to the security shack]''
:'''Security Guard #1''': And I don't think George Washington will ever be the same.
:''[cut to a robotics engineer trying to fix the George Washington robot from the Duff Hall of Presidents, which is now reduced to just his head, only to back away as it starts jabbering]''
:''[a second security guard and a man in a white doctor's coat come in with a pale and jittery Lisa, clad in only a towel]''
:'''Security Guard''' ''[as Lisa's hollow eyes dart frantically and her skin color goes from white to pale yellow]'': We found ''this''  one swimming ''naked'' in the Fermentarium. 
:'''Lisa''': I ''AM'' THE LIZARD ''QUEEN''!
:'''White-coated Man''': Give her this...''[gives Selma two pills]''...and this...''[gives her two more as Lisa is shivering]''...and then these. ''[gives her an entire handful]''
:'''Selma''': Thank you, doctor.
:'''White-coated Man''': Oh, I'm not a doctor.

===''[[w:Brother from the Same Planet|Brother from the Same Planet]]''===
:''[Bart's class is having Show and Tell]''
:'''Bart''': Someday, I want to be an F-14 pilot like my hero, Tom. He lent me this new weapon called a neural disrupter.
:''[Bart demonstrates the sheer power of the neural disrupter by shooting it at Martin's forehead]''
:'''Martin''': Hey...
:''[falls down on the ground, twitching]''
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': He's not dead, is he Bart?
:'''Bart''': Nah, but I wouldn't give him any homework for awhile.
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Very good, Bart. Thank you.
:'''Bart''': Oh, don't thank me. Thank an unprecedented [[Ronald Reagan|eight-year military build-up]].
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Mmm. Milhouse, you're next.
:'''Milhouse''': Uh, I have a horsey.
:''[mimics his toy horse neighing weakly which then trails off]''
:'''Nelson''': Wuss!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[during Krusty's monologue on ''Tuesday Night Live'']''
:'''Krusty''': We got a great show for ya. Well, actually, the last half-hour is a real garbage dump! ''[sighs]'': We'll be right back.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the band from ''Tuesday Night Live'' plays before going to commercial]'':
:'''Bart''': I miss Joe Piscopo.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': This just in, a fist-fight is in progress in downtown Springfield. Initial reports indicate, and these are very preliminary, that one of the fighters is a giant lizard. ''[shot of [[Godzilla]] appears in the background.]'' Do we have a source on this? Uh-huh, a bunch of drunken frat boys. All right, I could use some names. &quot;I.P Freely&quot;. Uh... ''[realizes]'' Grrr!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[after Bart comes home]'' Hello, son. Where have you been? 
:'''Bart''': Playing with Milhouse.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' No, you haven't! You've been out gallivanting around with that floozy of a bigger brother of yours! Haven't you? Haven't you? Look at me! 
:'''Bart''': Dad, it just kind of happened. You're taking this too hard.
:'''Homer''': How would you like me to take it? Go ahead, Bart. Have your fun. I'll be waiting for you? I'm sorry. I can't do it!  
:'''Bart''': Well, what are you gonna do?
:'''Homer''': Oh-ho. You'll see.

===''[[w:I Love Lisa|I Love Lisa]]''===
:''[Lisa opens a package from Ralph.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': A Malibu Stacy convertible! ''[she finds a note from Ralph]'' &quot;Look in the tunk.&quot; He must mean &quot;trunk&quot;. ''[opens trunk]'' Two tickets to the Krusty Anniversary Show! Oh, he must want me to go with him.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': That's not fair! I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty Home Pregnancy test!
:'''Lisa''': I'm not sure if I ''should'' go. I don't even like him.
:'''Bart''': You're right, Lis. You shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest. I'll go disguised as you.
:'''Lisa''': But what if he wants to hold hands?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to kiss?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to--
:'''Bart''': You don't want to know how far I'll go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Determined to avenge Ralph for being harshly spurned by Lisa, Chief Wiggum pulls Homer over.]''
:'''Homer''': Is there a problem, officer?
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Yep. Got a tail-light out.
:'''Homer''': Where?
:'''Wiggum''': ''[smashes a tail-light]'' Right there.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops!
:'''Wiggum''': ''[alarmed]'' They are? Oh no! Have they set a date?

===''[[w:Duffless|Duffless]]''===
:[''as Lisa comes back to find her steroid-pumped tomato splattered all over Principal Skinner, who's trembling from post-traumatic stress disorder as the children laugh at him'']
:'''Lisa''' ''[shouting]'' &lt;big&gt;BART!&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At an [[w:Alcoholics Anonymous|Alcoholics Anonymous]]  meeting.]''
:'''[[w:Otto Mann|Otto]]''': My name is Ot-to. I ''love'' to get blot-to.
:'''[[w:Hans Moleman|Hans Moleman]]''': My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm ''31'' years old.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': My name is Homer and I'm just here because the court made me come.
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again. 
:''[Homer immediately screams and jumps through a window.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[singing]'' [[w:It Was A Very Good Year|When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.]]

===''[[w:Last Exit to Springfield|Last Exit to Springfield]]''===
:''[Mr. Burns and Smithers watch Homer tear up the union contract on a hidden camera]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Who is that firebrand, Smithers?
:'''Smithers''': That's Homer Simpson, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Simpson, eh? New man?
:'''Smithers''': Actually, sir, [[w:Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish|he thwarted your campaign for governor]], [[w:Bart Gets Hit By a Car|you ran over his son]], [[w:Homer Defined|he saved the plant from meltdown]], [[w:Brush with Greatness|his wife painted you in the nude]]...
: '''Mr. Burns''': ...Eh, doesn't ring a bell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Cool! She'll be a freak.
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': We can stick her in a trailer, drive her around the South and charge two bits a gander.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': We don't have to be adversaries, Homer! We ''both'' want a fair union contract!
:'''Homer''': ''[internally]'' ''Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!
:'''Homer''': ''Wait a minute... is he coming onto me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
:'''Homer''': ''My God, he is coming onto me!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': After all... ''negotiations make strange bedfellows''! ''[chuckles, clicks his tongue and winks]''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]''
:'''Homer''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these [[w:Sodomy|backdoor shenanigans]]. Sure, I'm flattered – maybe even a little curious – But the answer is no!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa:''' Do you really think you can get our dental plan back?
:'''Homer:''' Well, that depends on who's the better negotiator, Mr. Burns or me...
:'''Bart:''' Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old Danish.
:'''Homer:''' Done and done! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Burns has called in an elderly strikebreaking team led by Grampa Simpson.]''
:'''Grampa''': We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. ''[other strikebreakers mutter in agreement]'' One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville: I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. &quot;Gimme five bees for a quarter,&quot; you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because o' the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

===''[[w:So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show|So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show]]''===
:'''Bart''': You're going down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you!
:'''Homer''': You talk better than you fool.
:'''Bart''': I'll fool you up real nice.
:'''Homer''': You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Mmm… beer.
:''[While the thermostat is set to very high levels, Homer begins to open the can of beer Bart had shaken up with a paint mixer.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': April F- ''[an explosion of beer blows out the windows and roof of the Simpsons' house and takes the shape of a mushroom cloud, Lou and Chief Wiggum stop the police car.]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Eddie and Lou|Lou]]''': That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
:'''[[w:Clancy Wiggum|Chief Wiggum]]''': Forget it! That's two blocks away.
:'''Lou''': ''[squints]'' Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[gets out of the car]'' I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
:'''Lou''': ''[into radio as Wiggum runs towards the cloud]'' We need pretzels! Repeat, pretzels!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Dr. Hibbert|Dr. Hibbert]]''': Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. ''[Simpson family gasps except for Marge, Bart and Lisa, laughs]'' April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': I, uh, brought you a little present. ''[gives Homer a can of beer]''
:'''Homer''': No. No! Beer bring pain!
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': I can't stand to see him like that this. ''[Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away]''
:'''Moe''': He really needs a girlfriend.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Grampa Simpson|Grampa]]''': Poor Homer. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.
:'''Homer''': ''[gargles]'' Rrraaahhh…
:'''Grampa''': ''Ah!'' Kill it! ''Kill it''!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Grampa, please, he's in a coma.
:'''Grampa''': Coma? Pffft. Why, I go in and out of comas all the- ''[falls asleep, pauses, wakes up]'' French toast, please.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Is a coma painful?
:'''Grampa''': Oh, heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girl from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': ''[bursts thru the ward]'' This man is costing my health plan $5000 a day! I demand that Joe die with dignity. ''[he plugs the plug]''
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': Now, look, I'm the doctor here.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well, I demand a second opinion.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Dr. Nick|Dr. Nick]]''': ''[pops in]'' Hi, everybody!
:'''All''': Hi, Dr. Nick! ''[Nick pokes Homer's abdomen with a reflex hammer]''
:'''Homer''': ''[squeaks]'' Mrrh.
:'''Dr. Nick''': Oh dear, I see no signs of life. Just to be safe, we better pull the plug.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yoink!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Dad, it's all my fault. I shook up that can of beer. It was just an April Fools joke.
:''[Life support machine starts to change from showing Homer's life signs to outlines of Bart. His mouth begins to form a growl, his fingers twitch and his eyes slowly open in anger.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[angrily turns red]'' Why, you little--!! ''[grabs Bart and proceeds to strangle him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': You lost 5% of your brain.
:'''Homer''': Me lose brain? Uh-oh! ''[Everyone including Homer laughs]'' Why I laugh?
:''[The episode ends, showrunner appears. The credits begins. After the credits, Gracie Films and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:The Front (The Simpsons)|The Front]]''===

:''[after watching the listless and boring ''Itchy &amp; Scratchy'' episode &quot;Dazed and Contused&quot;]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[takes an angry puff from his cigarette]'' Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...''[notices the cameras are on him]'': Ha, ha! Hey, wow! Wasn't that great, kids?
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': That's as bad as the tasteless &quot;Itchy &amp; Sambo&quot; cartoons of the late '30s. The writers should be ashamed of themselves.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Cartoons have writers?
:'''Lisa''': Eh, sort of.
:'''Bart''': Oh yeah? Well you and I could write a better cartoon than that.
:'''Lisa''': Write a cartoon ourselves? Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
:'''Bart''': Probably not. ''[in his mind, Bart is thinking about holding Santa Claus at gunpoint]'' Lie in the snow and count to 60. ''[Bart leaps into the sleigh and cracks the reins]'' Hiyah! ''[laughs evilly as he flies into the distance]'' Merry Christmas, suckers!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer's Brain''': This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.
:'''Homer''': Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
:'''Marge''': Oh, my God!
:'''Homer's Brain''': No, the other secret!
:'''Homer''': Marge, I never graduated from high school.
:'''Marge''': Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap... Wait, maybe it does...
:'''Homer''': I never passed Remedial Science 1-A.
:'''Marge''' ''[concerned]'' And '''''you're''''' a nuclear technician?
:'''Homer''': Marge, [[w:Pig latin|ix-nay on the uclear-nay echnician-tay]]!
:'''Marge''': What did you say?
:'''Homer''' ''[upset]'' I don't know. I flunked Latin, too!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''' ''[as she's going over the mail]'': Third notice? ''Final'' notice? &quot;Some guys are coming&quot;?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[typing a letter]'': &quot;Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am '''''not'''''  a crackpot.&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[as he's typing out a complaint letter]'': &quot;When I read your magazine, I don't see one wrinkled face or single toothless grin. For ''shame''. To the sickos at ''Modern Bride'' magazine...&quot;

===''[[w:Whacking Day|Whacking Day]]''===
:''[Bart and the bullies make their way to Utility Basement B looking for mountain bikes.]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Hey, what gives? Where are the mountain bikes?
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': ''[appears]'' Sorry about the ruse, gentlemen. You're being swept under the rug for the superintendent's visit. Enjoy. ''[closes the door and locks them in]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Jimbo Jones|Jimbo]]''': How are we going to get out of here?
:'''Nelson''': And when are we going to get our mountain bikes?
:'''Principal Skinner''': ''[outside of the room]'' Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
:'''[[w:Groundskeeper Willie|Groundskeeper Willie]]''': Nay, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
:'''Principal Skinner''': Wise counsel, William, but the potty talk adds nothing.
:'''Willie''': Aye, sir. ''[under his breath]'' Ye bath-takin', underpants-wearin', lily-hugger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Springfield residents track down the snakes to the Simpson place, but Lisa wants a stop to the killing.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Now wait a minute! How could you do this to snakes after all they've done for you?
:'''[[w:Abraham Simpson|Grandpa]]''': I'm an old man. I hate everything but ''[[w:Matlock|Matlock]]''. Ooh, it's on now.
:'''Lisa''': Mrs. Glick, who killed all the rats in your basement?
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Mrs. Glick|Mrs. Glick]]''': Snake did.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': And you love snakes, don't you Mr. White?
:'''[[w:Barry White|Barry White]]''': I love the sexy slither of a lady snake. Oh baby.

===''[[w:Marge in Chains|Marge in Chains]]''===
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I-- Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Is that bad?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
:'''Marge''': You did?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, replace the word &quot;kinda&quot; with the word &quot;repeatedly&quot;, and the word &quot;dog&quot; with &quot;son.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot she was carrying that bottle of ''[looks at bottle]'' delicious... bourbon... brownest of the brown liquors... ''[hugs bottle]'' so tempting... ''[puts the bottle to his ear]'' What's that?  You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial. Excuse me. ''[Hutz rushes out of courtroom to call his best friend]'' Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
:'''[[David Crosby|Crosby]]''': Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
:'''Hutz''': I love you too, man.

===''[[w:Krusty Gets Cancelled|Krusty Gets Kancelled]]''===
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Every time you watch my show, I will send you $40! ''[holds up check to audience]''
:'''Man''': ''[quick voice-over]'' Checks will not be honored.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, would you guys be interested in a Krusty the Clown comeback special?
:'''[[w:Flea (musician)|Flea]]''': Sure, if you can get us out of this gig.
:'''Bart''': No problemo. Hey, Moe! Look over there! ''[Bart points to a blank wall]''
:'''Moe''': What? What am I looking at? I don't see anything. Gonna stop looking now! What, is that it...?
:'''Homer''': Hey, Moe, can I look too?
:'''Moe''': Sure, but it'll cost you.
:'''Homer''': My wallet's in the car!
:'''Moe''': ''[chuckles]'' He is so stupid. And now back to the wall!

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 04}}

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{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

===''[[w:Kamp Krusty|Kamp Krusty]]''===
:'''Lisa''': You're serving us gruel?
:'''Dolph''': Not quite. ''[pulls out a large drum of gruel with Krusty's face on the front]'' This is Krusty-Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Krusty has arrived at the camp to deal with the Bart-led riot]''
:'''Bart''': How could you, Krusty? I'd never lend my name to an inferior product.
:'''Krusty''': ''[crying]'' They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone!
:'''Bart''': Krusty, this camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[sobs]''
:'''Bart''': Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
:'''Krusty''': Was it a nice hat?
:'''Bart''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[continues sobbing]''

===''[[w:A Streetcar Named Marge|A Streetcar Named Marge]]''===
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Hello! I am Llewelyn Sinclair! I have directed three plays in my career and I have had three heart attacks. That's how much I care, I am planning for a fourth.
:'''Marge''': Hmm, maybe I should have taken a nice calligraphy class.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, forget it, that Mr. Takahashi's a lunatic.
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Quiet!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Sorry. 
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': I'm not an easy man to work for. While directing ''Hats Off to Chanukkah'', I reduced more than one cast member to tears. Did I expect too much from fourth-graders? The review &quot;Play enjoyed by all&quot;... ''[holds up an elementary school newspaper with said headline]'' speaks for itself.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hmm.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Are there any jive-talking robots in this play?
:'''Marge''': I don't think so.
:'''Homer''': Bart, don't ask stupid questions. ''[to Marge]'' Is there any frontal nudity?
:'''Marge''': ''[sighs]'' No, Homer.
:''[Back in Springfield Community Center]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy''': My name is Helen Lovejoy. I'm been playing Stella.
:'''Apu''': I am Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. I played Steve.
:'''Otto''': My name is Otto! I'm playing Pablo!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!
:'''Marge''': I'm Marge Simpson. I'm played Blanche. I'm make some peanut butter brownies for anyone.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Opening number of &quot;Oh, Streetcar!&quot;]''
:''[The curtain rises revealing Chief Wiggum standing in front of a set resembling the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesars%20Superdome New Orleans Superdome]
:'''Chief Wiggum as chorus member''': 
:Long before the Superdome, 
:Where the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New%20Orleans%20Saints Saints of football] play, 
:There’s a city that the damned call home,
:Hear their hellish rondelet...
:''[The set rotates revealing a New Orleans street set surrounded by the other chorus members]''
:'''Chorus members''': New Orleans! 
:Home of pirates, drunks, and whores, 
:New Orleans!
:Tacky, overpriced souvenir stores,
:If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip,
:To the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip'
:New Orleans!
:Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile,
:New Orleans!
:Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul,
:New Orleans!
:Crummy, lousy, rancid and rank,
:New Orleans!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Introduction of Blanche DuBois played by Marge]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy as Stella''': ''[To Blanche]'' ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' What's the matter, honey? Are you lost?
:'''Marge as Blanche''': ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' I'm looking for my sister, Stella.
:'''Lisa''': ''[In the audience]'' It's mom! 
:''[Homer, Bart and Maggie look up to see Marge is now on stage]''
:'''Blanche''': My name is Blanche DuBois. 
:''[singing]'' I thought my life would be a Mardi Gras...
:A never-ending party... ''[pause]'' Ha!
:I'm a faded Southern dame without a dime...
:'''Apu as Steve the paperboy''' I am collecting for the evening star.
:'''Blanche''': Come here, I wanna kiss you just once... softly and sweetly...on your mouth...
:'''Steve''': ''[singing]'' I am just a simple paperboy, no romance do I seek..
:I just wanted forty cents, for my deliveries last week...
:Will this bewitching floozy...
:Seduce this humble newsie?
:Oh, what's a paperboy to... doooooo?
:''[Blanche kisses him]'' Woo-hoo!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[&quot;Stanley's torment&quot; musical number]''
:'''Ned as Stanley''': ''[yelling]'' '''Stella! STELLLAAAA!'''  
:''[singing]'' Can't you hear me YELLA!
:You're puttin' me through HELLA!  '''Stella...  STELLLAAAA!'''

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Blache flies around the stage in anguish surrounded by red fog and lasers]''
:'''Bart''': ''[in the audience]'' Cool! She can fly!
:'''Lisa''': I think it's supposed to symbolize her decent into madness

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Closing number]''
:'''Blanche''': Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers...
:''[song begins]''
:'''Chorus''': You can always depend on the kindness of strangers, to pluck up your spirits, and shield you from dangers.
:'''Blanche''': Now here's a tip from Blanche you won't regret.
:'''Chorus''': ''[waving good-bye to Blanche as she exits stage right on a motorized streetcar prop]'' 
:A stranger's just a friend you haven't met.
:You ha-ven't met...
:Streetcar!
:''[The curtain falls on the performance and the audience cheers wildly while giving a standing ovation]''

===''[[w:Homer the Heretic|Homer the Heretic]]''===
:''[Groundskeeper Willie tries to unfreeze the church doors with a blowtorch.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': How's that door coming, Willie?
:'''Groundskeeper Willie''': [[Miracles]] are your department, Reverend.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[God appears in Homer's dream, ripping the roof off his house.]''
:'''Homer''': God ...?
:'''God''': ''[points finger at Homer] '''Thou hast forsaken My church!'''''
:'''Homer''': Well, kind of, but-
:'''God''': '''But what?!'''
:'''Homer''': I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?
:'''God''': ''[stops himself]'' Hmm, you've got a point there. ''[sits beside Homer]'' Sometimes, even I would rather be watching football. Does St. Louis still have a team?
:'''Homer''': No, [[w:Arizona Cardinals|they moved to Phoenix]].
:'''God''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Homer''': You know what I really hate about church? Those boring sermons.
:'''God''': ''[sighs]'' I couldn't agree more, that Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. I think I'll give him a canker sore.
:'''Homer''': Give him one for me.
:'''God''': I will. ''[pets Snowball II]''
:'''Homer''': So I figure I should just try to live right and worship You in my own way.
:'''God''': Homer, it's a deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Homer's friends save him from his burning house.]''
:'''Homer''': The Lord is vengeful! ''[falls to his knees]'' O Spiteful One! Show me who to smite, and they shall be smoten!
:'''Ned''': ''[chuckles]'' Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they ''[points to Ned]'' Christian, ''[Krusty]'' Jew, or ''[Apu]'' ...miscellaneous.
:'''Apu''': Hindu! There ''are'' 700 million of us.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': ''[condescendingly]'' Aw, that's super.
:'''Homer''': I was rude to every one of you. And you saved my life when you could've just left me to fry like the proverbial pancake that I am.
:'''Marge''': Aw, Homer! I'm so glad to hear you say that.

===''[[w:Lisa the Beauty Queen|Lisa the Beauty Queen]]''===
:'''Kent Brockman''': Scott, everyone is here from the Mayor's illegitimate son to our own ''[camera focuses up]'' Duff blimp.
:'''Barney''': ''[aboard the Duff blimp]'' Hi. Can I drive?
:'''Pilot''': Well, I can't see the harm.
:''[Barney crashes the blimp into a nearby radio tower, causing the blimp to burst into flames.]''
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[looks away]'' [[w:Hindenburg disaster|Oh, the humanity!]] Anyway, to turn on the store's severe tire damage spikes, here's Little Miss Springfield.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': But it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under &quot;Do not write in this space,&quot; he wrote &quot;Okay.&quot;
:''[Homer and Lisa watch at home]''
:'''Homer''': If it wasn't for me, you'd still be queen. You must hate me.
:'''Lisa''': Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?
:'''Homer''': I dunno. Was I drunk?
:'''Lisa''': Possibly. But the point is, you wanted me to feel better about myself. And I do.
:'''Homer''': Really?
:'''Lisa''': Uh-huh.
:'''Homer''': Will you remember this the next time I wreck your life?
:'''Lisa''': It's a deal.
:''[They hug]''

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror III|Treehouse of Horror III]]''===
:''[First lines]''
:'''Homer''': ''[impersonating Alfred Hitchcock]'' Good evening. ''[normally]'' I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some crybabies out there - religious types, mostly - who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on, I dare you! ''[clucks, flaps his arms]'' Chicken!
:''[suddenly, the screen goes out. In darkness, a white dot is visible; offscreen]'' Hey!
:''[Footstep sounds heard]''
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' Homer, did you just call everyone &quot;chicken&quot;?
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' No. I swear on this Bible.
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' That's not a Bible, that's a book of carpet samples!
:''[The white dot disappears slowly]''
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' Ooh...fuzzy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Do you sell toys?
:'''Shopkeeper''': We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to tread. We also sell [[w:Frozen yogurt|frozen yogurt]],  which I call frogurt.
:'''Homer''': Well, I need something for my son's birthday.
:'''Shopkeeper''': Ah, perhaps this will please the gentleman. ''[picks up a Krusty the Clown doll]'' Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' Ooooh, that's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But it comes with a free frogurt!
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The frogurt is also cursed.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' That's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But you get your choice of topping.
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The toppings contain [[w:Potassium benzoate|potassium benzoate]]. ''[Homer stares]'' That's bad.
:'''Homer''': Can I go now?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer runs naked across the kitchen, trying to escape the Krusty the Clown doll and pass by Marge, Patty, and Selma, who are having lunch. Patty and Selma stare, wide-eyed, then lower their eyelids in disgust as they put down their forks]''
:'''Patty''': There goes the last, lingering thread of my heterosexuality.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Krusty Doll Repair Guy''': Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to &quot;evil&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flanders''': ''[now a zombie]'' Hey Simpson, I'm feeling a might peckish! Mind if I chew your ear?
:''[Homer shoots Flanders]''
:'''Bart''': Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
:'''Homer''': ''[quizzically]'' He was a zombie?

===''[[w:Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie|Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie]]''===
:'''Marge''': Now, be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
:'''Lisa''': What are we gonna have?
:'''Homer''': Well that depends on what your teachers say. If both of you have been good, pizza. If you've been bad, um...let's see, poison.
:'''Lisa''': What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
:'''Bart''': Poison pizza.
:'''Homer''': Oh no, I'm not making two stops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Gee, maybe they mean it this time. From now on, I guess I'd better straighten up and fly--
:'''Homer''': ''[opens Bart's bedroom door as he carrying a pizza box]''  Bart. Don't tell your mother, but I brought you some pizza. Just promise me you'll try to be good.
:'''Bart''': I promise.
:'''Homer''': That-a-boy. ''[leaves and closes Bart's bedroom door]''
:'''Bart''': ''[eating his pizza, chuckling]'' Sucker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sings Jingle Bells while hammering on a mustard packets into the carpet]''
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily catches Bart]'' Bart! Why are you doing that?
:'''Bart''': I don't know.
:'''Homer''': Well, this time you must be punished!
:'''Bart''': Well, you could punish me, but--
:'''Homer''': No tricks, boy. I said I'm gonna punish you. And come hell or high water, I-- ''[he hears a ice cream truck]'' Wait a minute! ''[gasps]'' Ice cream truck! ''[runs out of the house and shoves children out of his way to get a ice cream]'' Me! Me! I was here first!
:''[Scene changes where Homer and Bart are sitting on a curb eating a ice cream outside of their house]''
:'''Homer''': Mmm. Now, what were we talking about, boy?
:'''Bart''': Uh, we were talking about the time you beat jury duty.
:'''Homer''': Oh, yeah. The trick is... to say you're prejudiced against all races.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
:'''Bart''': Not bloody likely.
:'''Homer''': No, it's true. When I was a boy, I wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
:'''Bart''': Dad, what's the point of this story?
:'''Homer''': I like stories.
:'''Bart''': Look, can I please go to the movie?
:'''Homer''': I know my punishment may seem a little harsh, but I can't go back on it. You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
:'''Bart''': TV sucks.
:'''Homer''': ''[low, angry voice]'' I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.

===''[[w:Marge Gets a Job|Marge Gets a Job]]''===
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Marge, I'm giving you a raise and a new office, right next to mine. ''[laughs]''
:'''Smithers''': But sir, that's my office.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Don't worry Smithers, I'm putting you where the action is.
:''[In the men's restroom, Smithers is cleaning the urinals with a toothbrush.]''
:'''Smithers''': Springtime fresh, winter white. What could be better?
:'''Homer''': ''[bursts in and unzips his fly.]'' Aw man, I really gotta...
:'''Smithers''': '''''NOOOOO!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': So do you think I have a case?
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice. ''[he produces a bottle from his desk]'' Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
:'''Marge''': It's 9:30 in the morning.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. ''[takes a generous swig]'' Last chance... ''[Homer and Marge don't respond. Hutz drains the bottle]'' Oh, yeah....

===''[[w:New Kid on the Block|New Kid on the Block]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[a dream cloud has himself making bacon on the beach]'' Oh. Bacon!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': This is where the Winfields hid their mutated son.
:'''Lisa''': Bart, the Winfields didn't have a son!
:'''Bart''': See that sock over there? It was his only friend. ''[high-pitched voice]'' Hello, Lisa. Here in the dark, you won't need those eyes.
:'''Lisa''': Bart! It's not funny!
:'''Bart''': There are some who say the monster is still... ''[flips his eyelids]'' HERE!!! ''[Lisa runs off, screaming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart and Lisa are fighting while Homer is on the phone with a babysitter.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[to Bart and Lisa]'' Shut up, you little monsters!! ''[to the phone]'' I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels.
:''[On the other end of the line.]''
:'''Woman''': I'm sorry, this isn't Abby. This is her sister. I look after her now.
:''[Abby rocks in her chair and mumbles quietly to herself.]''
:'''Abby''': No, Bart... put it down... put it down, Bart... Bart, put it down.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Man at the Kabul''': Sometimes I think you want to fail!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are sitting at their table at The Frying Dutchman, a waiter is taking their order]''
:'''Waiter''': I’m sorry ma’am but everything on the menu has fish in it. 
:'''Marge''': What about the bread? Does that have much fish in it?
:'''Waiter''': Yes. 
:'''Marge''': Well, I have some Tic-Tacs in my purse ''[looking through her purse]''
:'''Waiter''': Excellent choice. ''[writes on his notepad then turns to Homer]'' And for the gentleman?
:'''Homer''': All you can eat! All you can eat!
:'''Waiter''': All right, when you’re ready, take this plate over- ''[holds up a small plate to give to Homer but he is already taking a tray from the buffet table]''
:'''Kitchen staff member''': Please, don’t take the steam tray! Sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Laura''': ''[finding out some nincompoop teleported in Texas at an arcade]'' If I hit the &quot;remorse&quot; button one more time, I would've made it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[It is now 6:00 at night and Homer is still eating relentlessly as Marge is sleeping across the table from him. The staff members and the Sea Captain watch in awe]''
:'''Teenage waiter''': That man ate all our shrimp and two plastic lobsters. 
:'''Sea Captain''': 'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eating machine. Argh. ''[walks over to Marge and Homer]'' 6 bells, time for closing. 
:'''Homer''': Can't talk. Eating. 
:'''Sea Captain''': Fairly warned be thee, says I. ''[he snaps his fingers and two waiters drag Homer out of the restaurant as he is still eating]''
:'''Homer''': Hey. Hey! Hey! ''[runs back to the buffet table, starts shovelling food with his hands and the waiters drag him out again as Marge follows on foot]'' But the sign said &quot;All You Can Eat&quot;!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant.
:'''Marge''': We pretty much went straight home.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath.
:'''Marge''': We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': And when you couldn't find any?
:'''Marge''': ''[crying]'' We went fishing!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[to the jury]'' Do these sound like the actions of a man who'd had all he could eat?
:'''The Jury''': ''[all of whom are incredibly obese]'' No!
:'''One Particular Fat Juror''': That could have been '''me!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Zookeeper! Zookeeper, those two monkeys are killing each other!
:'''Zookeeper''': ''[quietly, to Homer's ear]'' &lt;small&gt;They're having sex.&lt;/small&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Maybe you're right. Now, if you'll excuse us... ''[Marge leaves]'' this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father. Son, a woman is a lot like, um... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and-- Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good. They look good. You'd step over your own mother just to get one! ''[drinks his can of Duff Beer]'' But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman. ''[grabs another can of Duff Beer from the refrigerator]''
:''(hours later, the kitchen table is littered with beer cans. Homer is visibly drunk while Bart has lost interest in the conversation)''
:'''Homer''' ''(drunkenly)'': ...so I sez, &quot;Yeah? If you want that money, come and find it, 'cuz I don't where it is, ya baloney! ''You'' make me wanna ''retch''!&quot; ''(falls asleep, snoring)''

===''[[w:Mr. Plow|Mr. Plow]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[angry]'' Mr. West, you said there was a job for me.
:'''[[Adam West]]''': There was. When I called you, ''[camera zooms in dramatically]'' 45 minutes ago.
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': So long, Superman, your secret identity is safe with me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak. Our own Arnie Pye is on the scene.
:'''[[w:List of media personalities in The Simpsons#Arnie Pye|Arnie Pye]]''': ''[live remote, in a helicopter]'' Everything's snowed in, all I can see is white!
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[impatiently]'' Arnie, please. The ski conditions.
:'''Pye''': ''[now upside-down]'' Mayday, mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain! Tell my wife I love-- ''[picture fuzzes out]''
:'''Brockman''': ''[chuckles]'' That's great, Arnie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[signing his jingle]'' ''Call Mr. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!''

===''[[w:Lisa's First Word|Lisa's First Word]]''===
:'''Marge''': Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say mama?
:'''Bart''': Can you say get bent?
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': Mr. Rogers says all the time.
:'''Marge''': He does not.
:'''Homer''': Maggie, can you say daddy? Daddy.
:'''Marge''': Kitty. Kitty.
:'''Lisa''': Be-bop. Be-bop.
:'''Bart''': Shove it. Shove it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart:''' Homer!
:'''Homer:''' ''[laughs, picks up Bart]'' Homer is what grown-ups call me. Call me Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy.
:'''Bart:''' Da-- Da-- Da--.
:'''Homer:''' Yes.
:'''Bart:''' Domer. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[turns red in anger]'' Why you little... ''[angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey, Homer, this house sucks!
:'''Homer''': Bart, I told you not to use that word. Call me daddy!
:'''Bart''': Homer, nah!
:''[Homer angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Krusty has just announced Krusty Burger's Olympic sweepstakes]''
:'''Krusty''': Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?
:'''Company Agent''': Not to worry, Mr. K, we've rigged the cards; they're all in events that Communists never lose.
:'''Krusty''': ''[satisfied]'' I like, I like!
:'''Aide''': This just came in over the wires, Big K! ''[hands him a paper sheet]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[reading]'' &quot;[[w:1984 Summer Olympics boycott|Soviet boycott]], U.S. unopposed in most events&quot;. How does this affect our giveaway?
:'''Company Agent''': Let's see. ''[punches numbers into a calculator]'' You personally stand to lose 44 million dollars.
:''[Krusty sobs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': Welcome back to this, the final day of the 23rd Olympiad, brought to you by Krusty Burger.
:'''Krusty''': ''[furious]'' YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS! ''[sobs]'' I personally am gonna spit in every 50th burger!
:'''Homer''': ''[surrounded by piles of free Krusty Burgers]'' I like those odds.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is in the hospital the day Lisa is born. Lisa is in her bassinet while Homer talks to her and Marge reads &quot;Fretful Mother&quot; magazine]''
:'''Homer''': Little Lisa. I've already started you a college fund at Lincoln Savings and Loan.
:'''Marge''': According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her.
:'''Homer''': Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are discussing moving out]''
:'''Marge''': I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.
:'''Homer''': No, we won't. I got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib, and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
:'''Marge''': Won't that warp him?
:'''Homer''': My cousin Frank did it.
:'''Marge''': You don't have a cousin Frank.
:'''Homer''': He became Francine in '76, then he joined that cult. I think his name is &quot;Mother Shabubu&quot; now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby.
:'''Marge''': I'm sorry, Bart. You're too little.
:'''Homer''': Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. ''[he places his can of beer on Bart's head]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Homer''': What?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I was sitting there!
:'''Lisa''': I don't see your name on it!
:'''Bart''': It's right there!
:'''Marge''': Bart, don't write on the rug.
:'''Lisa''': Ha-ha. Mom yelled at you.
:'''Bart''': Did not.
:'''Lisa''': Did too.
:'''Homer''': You know, Maggie, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. ''[he puts Maggie to bed]'' I hope you never say a word. ''[switches the light off, closes the door]''
:'''Maggie''': ''[pulls her pacifier out of her mouth]'' Daddy. ''[puts her pacifier back on her mouth and goes to sleep as the episode ends; credits showrunner appears; starting the credits. After the credits, Gracie Films logo appears and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:Homer's Triple Bypass|Homer's Triple Bypass]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We feel neither highs or lows.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Really? What's it like?
:'''Lisa''': ''[shrugs]'' Eh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Hey hey! ''[goofy laugh]'' ''[Homer grunts in pain; clutching his chest.]'' Hey, what's the matter? Oh, right. My grotesque appearance!
:'''Homer''': Krusty, why are you here?
:'''Krusty''': Eh, it's part of my public service for my &quot;[[wikipedia:Drunk driving|Glug-glug, vroom-vroom]], [[w:Vehicular manslaughter|thump-thump]].&quot;
:'''Homer''': Well, I could use a laugh.
:'''Krusty''': Well, there's nothing funny about what you're about to go through. I know! ''[Takes off his shirt, revealing a pacemaker scar.]'' I'm in the zipper club myself! ''[lights a cigarette]''
:'''Homer''': You seem pretty healthy.
:'''Krusty''': Yeah? Well I got news for ya: this ain't makeup!

===''[[w:Marge vs. the Monorail|Marge vs. the Monorail]]''===
:'''Lyle Lanley''': You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it.
:''[Everyone laughs except Homer who at first doesn't get the joke]''
:'''Homer''': Heh-heh, mule.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': The name's Lanley, Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest —Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Shelbyville idea.
:'''Mayor Quimby''': Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': All right, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll ''show'' you my idea. I give you the Springfield Monorail! ''[everyone gasps]'' I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum, it put them on the map! Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified six-car monorail! What'd I say?
:'''Ned''': Monorail!
:'''Lyle''': What's it called?
:'''Patty and Selma''': Monorail.
:'''Lyle''': That's right, monorail! ''[the crowd starts chanting &quot;monorail&quot; as Lyle begins to play piano]''
:'''Ms. Hoover''': I hear those things are awfully loud.
:'''Lyle''': It glides as softly as a cloud!
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': Is there a chance the track could bend?
:'''Lyle''': Not on your life, my Hindu friend!
:'''Barney''': What about us brain-dead slobs?
:'''Lyle''': You'll be given cushy jobs!
:'''Abe Simpson''': Were you sent here by the Devil?
:'''Lyle''': No, good sir, I'm on the level!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': The ring came off my pudding can.
:'''Lyle''': Take my pen knife, my good man! I swear it's Springfield's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! ('''Lyle''': What's it called?) Monoraaaaaaail!! ('''Lyle''': Once again!) Monoraaaaaaail!!!
:'''Marge''': But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
:'''Bart''': Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! Monoraaaaaaail!! Monoraaaaaaail!!! MONORAIL!
:'''Homer''': Mono... ''[realizes the song is over]'' D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge opens the fire extinguisher cabinet, sees a mother opossum with four offspring sleeping, who then start hissing]''
:'''Marge''': Homer, there's a family of possums in here!
:'''Homer''': I call the big one Bitey.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A solar eclipse forms outside]''
:'''[[Leonard Nimoy]]''': A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet... goes on.
:'''Male Passenger''': Does anyone want to switch seats?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lyle Lanley tries to escape on a plane with Springfield’s money]''
:'''Pilot''': Folks, this is your captain speaking. Our nonstop flight to Tahiti will be making a brief layover in North Haverbrook.
:'''Lyle''': North Haverbrook. Where have I heard that name before? ''[suddenly remembers]'' Oh, no. '''Oh, no!'''
:'''Man with pitchfork''': There he is! Seat 3-F!
:''[The angry citizens of North Haverbrook beat Lyle Lanley with many items]''

===''[[w:Selma's Choice|Selma's Choice]]''===
''(Homer, Bart, and Lisa are getting ready for Duff Gardens)''
:'''Homer''': Now what do we say when we get to the ticket booth?
:'''Bart''' and '''Lisa''' ''(in unison)'': We're under six.
:'''Homer''': And I'm a college student. ''(chuckles)''
:''(Marge comes in, upset)''
:'''Marge''': Kids, I've got some bad news. Your great-aunt Gladys has...passed on.
:'''Bart''' ''(running through his head who Great-Aunt Gladys is)'': Gladys...Gladys. About yea-high ''(puts his hand where his eyes  are)'', blue hair, big dent in her forehead?
:'''Marge''': No, honey. Gladys looked more like your Aunt Patty.
:'''Bart''' ''(stares blankly, then shudders)'': Ugh! Oh, yeah. There she is.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': The funeral is in Littleneck Falls. Looks like we'll have to go to Duff Gardens another time.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We understand.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': No use complaining about something you can't change.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': But I wanna go to Duff Gardens. Right now!
:'''Marge''': Homer, quit pouting.
:'''Homer''': I'm not pouting. I'm mourning. ''(to himself)'': Stupid dead woman.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hans Moleman''': ''[reading an eye chart at the DMV and failing]'' R...Q...J...question mark...smiley face...
:''[cut to Selma stamping &quot;VOID&quot; on Hans' driver's license]''
:'''Selma Bouvier''': Next! ''(double checks the license)'': Wait a minute. It says here you're single.
:'''Hans Moleman'''  ''(scared)'': Did I do wrong?
:'''Hans''': ''[cut to Selma and Hans at a fancy restaurant. Hans is trying to read the menu]'' Combed, biscuits, chicken, yellow, mailman.
:'''Waitress''': You're reading the wine list, sir.
:'''Hans''': Very good.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(Selma comes back from her date with Hans Moleman)''
:'''Marge''': Selma, your date's over already?
:'''Selma''': Yeah. I was so depressed, I ate a jar of expired olives. ''(sighs)'': I guess I'll never have a baby.
:'''Lisa''' ''(as she's watching a Duff Gardens commercial where Lance Murdock and a bunch of unnamed riders are being knocked back and forth on a large version of a Newton's cradle)'': Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, but have you ever considered artificial insemination.
:'''Homer''' ''(giggles)'': Boy, I don't know. You've got to be pretty desperate to make it with a robot. 
:''(Marge whispers in Homer's ear what artificial insemination really is)''
:'''Homer''': I knew that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey Lise, I dare you to drink the water.
:'''Lisa''' ''(looks down at the water they're floating on. It is a dark brown, sludgy mess)'': I'm not sure that ''is'' water...
:'''Bart''': Chicken. ''[begins clucking loudly]''
:'''Lisa''': Quit it, Bart. Quit it! QUIT IT, QUIT IT!
:'''Selma''': Bart, be quiet! Lisa, drink the water!
:''(Lisa bends down and drinks some from her cupped hands. She groans as her grip on reality starts to slip. She stares at the Dutch girl robots)''
:'''Dutch Girl Robots''' ''(begins to sound discordant and ominous)'': Duff Beer for me/Duff Beer for you...''(Lisa blinks and her eyes go white and hollow)'': I'll have a Duff...Duff...Duff... ''(the Dutch girl robots fade away into the darkness)''
:''(the darkness of the ride is now punctuated with strange lights as Lisa begins acting paranoid)''
:'''Lisa''': They're all around me! No way out! ''(cackles insanely)'': NO WAY OUT, I TELL YOU! ''(grabs Selma by her dress collar)''
:'''Selma''' ''(as a 1960s Jimi Hendrix-style rock version of the &quot;Duff Beer for Me&quot; jingle plays and Lisa sees Selma as a multi-eyed monster with green skin)'': What's wrong? Ah, you just put your head right here. ''(sticks out her shoulder. The shoulder suddenly grows a mouth and snarls. The mouth on Selma's shoulder turns into Lisa's screaming mouth. Zoom out to reveal Lisa swinging an oar at Selma and Bart)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Bart gets rescued from The Barrel Roll. Selma is speaking with the security guard as Bart is trying to keep his eyes open]''
:'''Selma''': Don't blame these kids. ''[groans]'': It's not their fault. I think their father is missing a chromosome.
:'''Security Guard #1''': Miss Bouvier, while we were rescuing this boy, hoodlums made off with three bumper cars!
:''[cut to Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney -- who were previously arrested for being a roaming gang in the second Duff Gardens commercial -- driving down the road on three detached bumper cars that somehow are still functioning, laughing as they ride off into the sunset, past a sign that says &quot;Leaving Duff Gardfns&quot;]''
:''[cut back to the security shack]''
:'''Security Guard #1''': And I don't think George Washington will ever be the same.
:''[cut to a robotics engineer trying to fix the George Washington robot from the Duff Hall of Presidents, which is now reduced to just his head, only to back away as it starts jabbering]''
:''[a second security guard and a man in a white doctor's coat come in with a pale and jittery Lisa, clad in only a towel]''
:'''Security Guard''' ''[as Lisa's hollow eyes dart frantically and her skin color goes from white to pale yellow]'': We found ''this''  one swimming ''naked'' in the Fermentarium. 
:'''Lisa''': I ''AM'' THE LIZARD ''QUEEN''!
:'''White-coated Man''': Give her this...''[gives Selma two pills]''...and this...''[gives her two more as Lisa is shivering]''...and then these. ''[gives her an entire handful]''
:'''Selma''': Thank you, doctor.
:'''White-coated Man''': Oh, I'm not a doctor.

===''[[w:Brother from the Same Planet|Brother from the Same Planet]]''===
:''[Bart's class is having Show and Tell]''
:'''Bart''': Someday, I want to be an F-14 pilot like my hero, Tom. He lent me this new weapon called a neural disrupter.
:''[Bart demonstrates the sheer power of the neural disrupter by shooting it at Martin's forehead]''
:'''Martin''': Hey...
:''[falls down on the ground, twitching]''
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': He's not dead, is he Bart?
:'''Bart''': Nah, but I wouldn't give him any homework for awhile.
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Very good, Bart. Thank you.
:'''Bart''': Oh, don't thank me. Thank an unprecedented [[Ronald Reagan|eight-year military build-up]].
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Mmm. Milhouse, you're next.
:'''Milhouse''': Uh, I have a horsey.
:''[mimics his toy horse neighing weakly which then trails off]''
:'''Nelson''': Wuss!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[during Krusty's monologue on ''Tuesday Night Live'']''
:'''Krusty''': We got a great show for ya. Well, actually, the last half-hour is a real garbage dump! ''[sighs]'': We'll be right back.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the band from ''Tuesday Night Live'' plays before going to commercial]'':
:'''Bart''': I miss Joe Piscopo.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': This just in, a fist-fight is in progress in downtown Springfield. Initial reports indicate, and these are very preliminary, that one of the fighters is a giant lizard. ''[shot of [[Godzilla]] appears in the background.]'' Do we have a source on this? Uh-huh, a bunch of drunken frat boys. All right, I could use some names. &quot;I.P Freely&quot;. Uh... ''[realizes]'' Grrr!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[after Bart comes home]'' Hello, son. Where have you been? 
:'''Bart''': Playing with Milhouse.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' No, you haven't! You've been out gallivanting around with that floozy of a bigger brother of yours! Haven't you? Haven't you? Look at me! 
:'''Bart''': Dad, it just kind of happened. You're taking this too hard.
:'''Homer''': How would you like me to take it? Go ahead, Bart. Have your fun. I'll be waiting for you? I'm sorry. I can't do it!  
:'''Bart''': Well, what are you gonna do?
:'''Homer''': Oh-ho. You'll see.

===''[[w:I Love Lisa|I Love Lisa]]''===
:''[Lisa opens a package from Ralph.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': A Malibu Stacy convertible! ''[she finds a note from Ralph]'' &quot;Look in the tunk.&quot; He must mean &quot;trunk&quot;. ''[opens trunk]'' Two tickets to the Krusty Anniversary Show! Oh, he must want me to go with him.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': That's not fair! I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty Home Pregnancy test!
:'''Lisa''': I'm not sure if I ''should'' go. I don't even like him.
:'''Bart''': You're right, Lis. You shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest. I'll go disguised as you.
:'''Lisa''': But what if he wants to hold hands?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to kiss?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to--
:'''Bart''': You don't want to know how far I'll go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(as Chief Wiggum is driving Ralph and Lisa to the Krusty the Clown Show 29th Anniversary Special)''
:'''Lisa''': Chief Wiggum, how'd you ever get these tickets?
'''Chief Wiggum''': Krusty knows how to play ball.
:''(Flashback: Establishing shot of the Springfield-X porno theater as raunchy, guitar-backed porno music plays. The buzzing marquee reads: &quot;Now Playing: Debbie Does Springfield&quot;. Cut to inside where Krusty the Clown is watching the movie. Chief Wiggum comes in and takes a seat behind Krusty while eating from a bucket of popcorn)''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Ah, nothing beats a good porno movie.
:'''Krusty''' ''(recognizes the voice and turns back to face Wiggum with fear in his voice)'': Chief Wiggum?! Is this a bust?
:'''Chief Wiggum''' ''(unable to answer the question honestly)'': Uh...yeah. That's just what it is: a bust.
:''(cut back to Lisa talking to Wiggum from the back seat of his police cruiser)''
:'''Lisa''': That story isn't suitable for children.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Really? I keep my pants on in this version.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Determined to avenge Ralph for being harshly spurned by Lisa, Chief Wiggum pulls Homer over.]''
:'''Homer''': Is there a problem, officer?
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Yep. Got a tail-light out.
:'''Homer''': Where?
:'''Wiggum''': ''[smashes a tail-light]'' Right there.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops!
:'''Wiggum''': ''[alarmed]'' They are? Oh no! Have they set a date?

===''[[w:Duffless|Duffless]]''===
:[''as Lisa comes back to find her steroid-pumped tomato splattered all over Principal Skinner, who's trembling from post-traumatic stress disorder as the children laugh at him'']
:'''Lisa''' ''[shouting]'' &lt;big&gt;BART!&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At an [[w:Alcoholics Anonymous|Alcoholics Anonymous]]  meeting.]''
:'''[[w:Otto Mann|Otto]]''': My name is Ot-to. I ''love'' to get blot-to.
:'''[[w:Hans Moleman|Hans Moleman]]''': My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm ''31'' years old.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': My name is Homer and I'm just here because the court made me come.
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again. 
:''[Homer immediately screams and jumps through a window.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[singing]'' [[w:It Was A Very Good Year|When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.]]

===''[[w:Last Exit to Springfield|Last Exit to Springfield]]''===
:''[Mr. Burns and Smithers watch Homer tear up the union contract on a hidden camera]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Who is that firebrand, Smithers?
:'''Smithers''': That's Homer Simpson, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Simpson, eh? New man?
:'''Smithers''': Actually, sir, [[w:Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish|he thwarted your campaign for governor]], [[w:Bart Gets Hit By a Car|you ran over his son]], [[w:Homer Defined|he saved the plant from meltdown]], [[w:Brush with Greatness|his wife painted you in the nude]]...
: '''Mr. Burns''': ...Eh, doesn't ring a bell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Cool! She'll be a freak.
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': We can stick her in a trailer, drive her around the South and charge two bits a gander.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': We don't have to be adversaries, Homer! We ''both'' want a fair union contract!
:'''Homer''': ''[internally]'' ''Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!
:'''Homer''': ''Wait a minute... is he coming onto me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
:'''Homer''': ''My God, he is coming onto me!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': After all... ''negotiations make strange bedfellows''! ''[chuckles, clicks his tongue and winks]''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]''
:'''Homer''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these [[w:Sodomy|backdoor shenanigans]]. Sure, I'm flattered – maybe even a little curious – But the answer is no!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa:''' Do you really think you can get our dental plan back?
:'''Homer:''' Well, that depends on who's the better negotiator, Mr. Burns or me...
:'''Bart:''' Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old Danish.
:'''Homer:''' Done and done! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Burns has called in an elderly strikebreaking team led by Grampa Simpson.]''
:'''Grampa''': We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. ''[other strikebreakers mutter in agreement]'' One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville: I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. &quot;Gimme five bees for a quarter,&quot; you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because o' the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

===''[[w:So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show|So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show]]''===
:'''Bart''': You're going down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you!
:'''Homer''': You talk better than you fool.
:'''Bart''': I'll fool you up real nice.
:'''Homer''': You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Mmm… beer.
:''[While the thermostat is set to very high levels, Homer begins to open the can of beer Bart had shaken up with a paint mixer.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': April F- ''[an explosion of beer blows out the windows and roof of the Simpsons' house and takes the shape of a mushroom cloud, Lou and Chief Wiggum stop the police car.]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Eddie and Lou|Lou]]''': That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
:'''[[w:Clancy Wiggum|Chief Wiggum]]''': Forget it! That's two blocks away.
:'''Lou''': ''[squints]'' Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[gets out of the car]'' I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
:'''Lou''': ''[into radio as Wiggum runs towards the cloud]'' We need pretzels! Repeat, pretzels!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Dr. Hibbert|Dr. Hibbert]]''': Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. ''[Simpson family gasps except for Marge, Bart and Lisa, laughs]'' April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': I, uh, brought you a little present. ''[gives Homer a can of beer]''
:'''Homer''': No. No! Beer bring pain!
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': I can't stand to see him like that this. ''[Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away]''
:'''Moe''': He really needs a girlfriend.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Grampa Simpson|Grampa]]''': Poor Homer. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.
:'''Homer''': ''[gargles]'' Rrraaahhh…
:'''Grampa''': ''Ah!'' Kill it! ''Kill it''!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Grampa, please, he's in a coma.
:'''Grampa''': Coma? Pffft. Why, I go in and out of comas all the- ''[falls asleep, pauses, wakes up]'' French toast, please.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Is a coma painful?
:'''Grampa''': Oh, heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girl from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': ''[bursts thru the ward]'' This man is costing my health plan $5000 a day! I demand that Joe die with dignity. ''[he plugs the plug]''
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': Now, look, I'm the doctor here.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well, I demand a second opinion.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Dr. Nick|Dr. Nick]]''': ''[pops in]'' Hi, everybody!
:'''All''': Hi, Dr. Nick! ''[Nick pokes Homer's abdomen with a reflex hammer]''
:'''Homer''': ''[squeaks]'' Mrrh.
:'''Dr. Nick''': Oh dear, I see no signs of life. Just to be safe, we better pull the plug.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yoink!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Dad, it's all my fault. I shook up that can of beer. It was just an April Fools joke.
:''[Life support machine starts to change from showing Homer's life signs to outlines of Bart. His mouth begins to form a growl, his fingers twitch and his eyes slowly open in anger.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[angrily turns red]'' Why, you little--!! ''[grabs Bart and proceeds to strangle him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': You lost 5% of your brain.
:'''Homer''': Me lose brain? Uh-oh! ''[Everyone including Homer laughs]'' Why I laugh?
:''[The episode ends, showrunner appears. The credits begins. After the credits, Gracie Films and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:The Front (The Simpsons)|The Front]]''===

:''[after watching the listless and boring ''Itchy &amp; Scratchy'' episode &quot;Dazed and Contused&quot;]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[takes an angry puff from his cigarette]'' Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...''[notices the cameras are on him]'': Ha, ha! Hey, wow! Wasn't that great, kids?
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': That's as bad as the tasteless &quot;Itchy &amp; Sambo&quot; cartoons of the late '30s. The writers should be ashamed of themselves.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Cartoons have writers?
:'''Lisa''': Eh, sort of.
:'''Bart''': Oh yeah? Well you and I could write a better cartoon than that.
:'''Lisa''': Write a cartoon ourselves? Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
:'''Bart''': Probably not. ''[in his mind, Bart is thinking about holding Santa Claus at gunpoint]'' Lie in the snow and count to 60. ''[Bart leaps into the sleigh and cracks the reins]'' Hiyah! ''[laughs evilly as he flies into the distance]'' Merry Christmas, suckers!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer's Brain''': This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.
:'''Homer''': Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
:'''Marge''': Oh, my God!
:'''Homer's Brain''': No, the other secret!
:'''Homer''': Marge, I never graduated from high school.
:'''Marge''': Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap... Wait, maybe it does...
:'''Homer''': I never passed Remedial Science 1-A.
:'''Marge''' ''[concerned]'' And '''''you're''''' a nuclear technician?
:'''Homer''': Marge, [[w:Pig latin|ix-nay on the uclear-nay echnician-tay]]!
:'''Marge''': What did you say?
:'''Homer''' ''[upset]'' I don't know. I flunked Latin, too!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''' ''[as she's going over the mail]'': Third notice? ''Final'' notice? &quot;Some guys are coming&quot;?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[typing a letter]'': &quot;Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am '''''not'''''  a crackpot.&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[as he's typing out a complaint letter]'': &quot;When I read your magazine, I don't see one wrinkled face or single toothless grin. For ''shame''. To the sickos at ''Modern Bride'' magazine...&quot;

===''[[w:Whacking Day|Whacking Day]]''===
:''[Bart and the bullies make their way to Utility Basement B looking for mountain bikes.]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Hey, what gives? Where are the mountain bikes?
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': ''[appears]'' Sorry about the ruse, gentlemen. You're being swept under the rug for the superintendent's visit. Enjoy. ''[closes the door and locks them in]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Jimbo Jones|Jimbo]]''': How are we going to get out of here?
:'''Nelson''': And when are we going to get our mountain bikes?
:'''Principal Skinner''': ''[outside of the room]'' Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
:'''[[w:Groundskeeper Willie|Groundskeeper Willie]]''': Nay, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
:'''Principal Skinner''': Wise counsel, William, but the potty talk adds nothing.
:'''Willie''': Aye, sir. ''[under his breath]'' Ye bath-takin', underpants-wearin', lily-hugger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Springfield residents track down the snakes to the Simpson place, but Lisa wants a stop to the killing.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Now wait a minute! How could you do this to snakes after all they've done for you?
:'''[[w:Abraham Simpson|Grandpa]]''': I'm an old man. I hate everything but ''[[w:Matlock|Matlock]]''. Ooh, it's on now.
:'''Lisa''': Mrs. Glick, who killed all the rats in your basement?
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Mrs. Glick|Mrs. Glick]]''': Snake did.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': And you love snakes, don't you Mr. White?
:'''[[w:Barry White|Barry White]]''': I love the sexy slither of a lady snake. Oh baby.

===''[[w:Marge in Chains|Marge in Chains]]''===
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I-- Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Is that bad?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
:'''Marge''': You did?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, replace the word &quot;kinda&quot; with the word &quot;repeatedly&quot;, and the word &quot;dog&quot; with &quot;son.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot she was carrying that bottle of ''[looks at bottle]'' delicious... bourbon... brownest of the brown liquors... ''[hugs bottle]'' so tempting... ''[puts the bottle to his ear]'' What's that?  You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial. Excuse me. ''[Hutz rushes out of courtroom to call his best friend]'' Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
:'''[[David Crosby|Crosby]]''': Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
:'''Hutz''': I love you too, man.

===''[[w:Krusty Gets Cancelled|Krusty Gets Kancelled]]''===
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Every time you watch my show, I will send you $40! ''[holds up check to audience]''
:'''Man''': ''[quick voice-over]'' Checks will not be honored.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, would you guys be interested in a Krusty the Clown comeback special?
:'''[[w:Flea (musician)|Flea]]''': Sure, if you can get us out of this gig.
:'''Bart''': No problemo. Hey, Moe! Look over there! ''[Bart points to a blank wall]''
:'''Moe''': What? What am I looking at? I don't see anything. Gonna stop looking now! What, is that it...?
:'''Homer''': Hey, Moe, can I look too?
:'''Moe''': Sure, but it'll cost you.
:'''Homer''': My wallet's in the car!
:'''Moe''': ''[chuckles]'' He is so stupid. And now back to the wall!

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 04}}

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      <text bytes="52839" sha1="1vtjku04p44212tl7z0i8cos0ho3m0v" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Simpsons''/Season 4}}
{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

===''[[w:Kamp Krusty|Kamp Krusty]]''===
:'''Lisa''': You're serving us gruel?
:'''Dolph''': Not quite. ''[pulls out a large drum of gruel with Krusty's face on the front]'' This is Krusty-Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Krusty has arrived at the camp to deal with the Bart-led riot]''
:'''Bart''': How could you, Krusty? I'd never lend my name to an inferior product.
:'''Krusty''': ''[crying]'' They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone!
:'''Bart''': Krusty, this camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[sobs]''
:'''Bart''': Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
:'''Krusty''': Was it a nice hat?
:'''Bart''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[continues sobbing]''

===''[[w:A Streetcar Named Marge|A Streetcar Named Marge]]''===
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Hello! I am Llewelyn Sinclair! I have directed three plays in my career and I have had three heart attacks. That's how much I care, I am planning for a fourth.
:'''Marge''': Hmm, maybe I should have taken a nice calligraphy class.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, forget it, that Mr. Takahashi's a lunatic.
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Quiet!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Sorry. 
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': I'm not an easy man to work for. While directing ''Hats Off to Chanukkah'', I reduced more than one cast member to tears. Did I expect too much from fourth-graders? The review &quot;Play enjoyed by all&quot;... ''[holds up an elementary school newspaper with said headline]'' speaks for itself.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hmm.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Are there any jive-talking robots in this play?
:'''Marge''': I don't think so.
:'''Homer''': Bart, don't ask stupid questions. ''[to Marge]'' Is there any frontal nudity?
:'''Marge''': ''[sighs]'' No, Homer.
:''[Back in Springfield Community Center]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy''': My name is Helen Lovejoy. I'm been playing Stella.
:'''Apu''': I am Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. I played Steve.
:'''Otto''': My name is Otto! I'm playing Pablo!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!
:'''Marge''': I'm Marge Simpson. I'm played Blanche. I'm make some peanut butter brownies for anyone.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Opening number of &quot;Oh, Streetcar!&quot;]''
:''[The curtain rises revealing Chief Wiggum standing in front of a set resembling the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesars%20Superdome New Orleans Superdome]
:'''Chief Wiggum as chorus member''': 
:Long before the Superdome, 
:Where the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New%20Orleans%20Saints Saints of football] play, 
:There’s a city that the damned call home,
:Hear their hellish rondelet...
:''[The set rotates revealing a New Orleans street set surrounded by the other chorus members]''
:'''Chorus members''': New Orleans! 
:Home of pirates, drunks, and whores, 
:New Orleans!
:Tacky, overpriced souvenir stores,
:If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip,
:To the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip'
:New Orleans!
:Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile,
:New Orleans!
:Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul,
:New Orleans!
:Crummy, lousy, rancid and rank,
:New Orleans!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Introduction of Blanche DuBois played by Marge]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy as Stella''': ''[To Blanche]'' ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' What's the matter, honey? Are you lost?
:'''Marge as Blanche''': ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' I'm looking for my sister, Stella.
:'''Lisa''': ''[In the audience]'' It's mom! 
:''[Homer, Bart and Maggie look up to see Marge is now on stage]''
:'''Blanche''': My name is Blanche DuBois. 
:''[singing]'' I thought my life would be a Mardi Gras...
:A never-ending party... ''[pause]'' Ha!
:I'm a faded Southern dame without a dime...
:'''Apu as Steve the paperboy''' I am collecting for the evening star.
:'''Blanche''': Come here, I wanna kiss you just once... softly and sweetly...on your mouth...
:'''Steve''': ''[singing]'' I am just a simple paperboy, no romance do I seek..
:I just wanted forty cents, for my deliveries last week...
:Will this bewitching floozy...
:Seduce this humble newsie?
:Oh, what's a paperboy to... doooooo?
:''[Blanche kisses him]'' Woo-hoo!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[&quot;Stanley's torment&quot; musical number]''
:'''Ned as Stanley''': ''[yelling]'' '''Stella! STELLLAAAA!'''  
:''[singing]'' Can't you hear me YELLA!
:You're puttin' me through HELLA!  '''Stella...  STELLLAAAA!'''

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Blache flies around the stage in anguish surrounded by red fog and lasers]''
:'''Bart''': ''[in the audience]'' Cool! She can fly!
:'''Lisa''': I think it's supposed to symbolize her decent into madness

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Closing number]''
:'''Blanche''': Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers...
:''[song begins]''
:'''Chorus''': You can always depend on the kindness of strangers, to pluck up your spirits, and shield you from dangers.
:'''Blanche''': Now here's a tip from Blanche you won't regret.
:'''Chorus''': ''[waving good-bye to Blanche as she exits stage right on a motorized streetcar prop]'' 
:A stranger's just a friend you haven't met.
:You ha-ven't met...
:Streetcar!
:''[The curtain falls on the performance and the audience cheers wildly while giving a standing ovation]''

===''[[w:Homer the Heretic|Homer the Heretic]]''===
:''[Groundskeeper Willie tries to unfreeze the church doors with a blowtorch.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': How's that door coming, Willie?
:'''Groundskeeper Willie''': [[Miracles]] are your department, Reverend.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[God appears in Homer's dream, ripping the roof off his house.]''
:'''Homer''': God ...?
:'''God''': ''[points finger at Homer] '''Thou hast forsaken My church!'''''
:'''Homer''': Well, kind of, but-
:'''God''': '''But what?!'''
:'''Homer''': I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?
:'''God''': ''[stops himself]'' Hmm, you've got a point there. ''[sits beside Homer]'' Sometimes, even I would rather be watching football. Does St. Louis still have a team?
:'''Homer''': No, [[w:Arizona Cardinals|they moved to Phoenix]].
:'''God''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Homer''': You know what I really hate about church? Those boring sermons.
:'''God''': ''[sighs]'' I couldn't agree more, that Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. I think I'll give him a canker sore.
:'''Homer''': Give him one for me.
:'''God''': I will. ''[pets Snowball II]''
:'''Homer''': So I figure I should just try to live right and worship You in my own way.
:'''God''': Homer, it's a deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Homer's friends save him from his burning house.]''
:'''Homer''': The Lord is vengeful! ''[falls to his knees]'' O Spiteful One! Show me who to smite, and they shall be smoten!
:'''Ned''': ''[chuckles]'' Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they ''[points to Ned]'' Christian, ''[Krusty]'' Jew, or ''[Apu]'' ...miscellaneous.
:'''Apu''': Hindu! There ''are'' 700 million of us.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': ''[condescendingly]'' Aw, that's super.
:'''Homer''': I was rude to every one of you. And you saved my life when you could've just left me to fry like the proverbial pancake that I am.
:'''Marge''': Aw, Homer! I'm so glad to hear you say that.

===''[[w:Lisa the Beauty Queen|Lisa the Beauty Queen]]''===
:'''Kent Brockman''': Scott, everyone is here from the Mayor's illegitimate son to our own ''[camera focuses up]'' Duff blimp.
:'''Barney''': ''[aboard the Duff blimp]'' Hi. Can I drive?
:'''Pilot''': Well, I can't see the harm.
:''[Barney crashes the blimp into a nearby radio tower, causing the blimp to burst into flames.]''
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[looks away]'' [[w:Hindenburg disaster|Oh, the humanity!]] Anyway, to turn on the store's severe tire damage spikes, here's Little Miss Springfield.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': But it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under &quot;Do not write in this space,&quot; he wrote &quot;Okay.&quot;
:''[Homer and Lisa watch at home]''
:'''Homer''': If it wasn't for me, you'd still be queen. You must hate me.
:'''Lisa''': Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?
:'''Homer''': I dunno. Was I drunk?
:'''Lisa''': Possibly. But the point is, you wanted me to feel better about myself. And I do.
:'''Homer''': Really?
:'''Lisa''': Uh-huh.
:'''Homer''': Will you remember this the next time I wreck your life?
:'''Lisa''': It's a deal.
:''[They hug]''

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror III|Treehouse of Horror III]]''===
:''[First lines]''
:'''Homer''': ''[impersonating Alfred Hitchcock]'' Good evening. ''[normally]'' I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some crybabies out there - religious types, mostly - who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on, I dare you! ''[clucks, flaps his arms]'' Chicken!
:''[suddenly, the screen goes out. In darkness, a white dot is visible; offscreen]'' Hey!
:''[Footstep sounds heard]''
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' Homer, did you just call everyone &quot;chicken&quot;?
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' No. I swear on this Bible.
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' That's not a Bible, that's a book of carpet samples!
:''[The white dot disappears slowly]''
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' Ooh...fuzzy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Do you sell toys?
:'''Shopkeeper''': We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to tread. We also sell [[w:Frozen yogurt|frozen yogurt]],  which I call frogurt.
:'''Homer''': Well, I need something for my son's birthday.
:'''Shopkeeper''': Ah, perhaps this will please the gentleman. ''[picks up a Krusty the Clown doll]'' Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' Ooooh, that's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But it comes with a free frogurt!
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The frogurt is also cursed.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' That's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But you get your choice of topping.
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The toppings contain [[w:Potassium benzoate|potassium benzoate]]. ''[Homer stares]'' That's bad.
:'''Homer''': Can I go now?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer runs naked across the kitchen, trying to escape the Krusty the Clown doll and pass by Marge, Patty, and Selma, who are having lunch. Patty and Selma stare, wide-eyed, then lower their eyelids in disgust as they put down their forks]''
:'''Patty''': There goes the last, lingering thread of my heterosexuality.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Krusty Doll Repair Guy''': Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to &quot;evil&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flanders''': ''[now a zombie]'' Hey Simpson, I'm feeling a might peckish! Mind if I chew your ear?
:''[Homer shoots Flanders]''
:'''Bart''': Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
:'''Homer''': ''[quizzically]'' He was a zombie?

===''[[w:Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie|Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie]]''===
:'''Marge''': Now, be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
:'''Lisa''': What are we gonna have?
:'''Homer''': Well that depends on what your teachers say. If both of you have been good, pizza. If you've been bad, um...let's see, poison.
:'''Lisa''': What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
:'''Bart''': Poison pizza.
:'''Homer''': Oh no, I'm not making two stops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Gee, maybe they mean it this time. From now on, I guess I'd better straighten up and fly--
:'''Homer''': ''[opens Bart's bedroom door as he carrying a pizza box]''  Bart. Don't tell your mother, but I brought you some pizza. Just promise me you'll try to be good.
:'''Bart''': I promise.
:'''Homer''': That-a-boy. ''[leaves and closes Bart's bedroom door]''
:'''Bart''': ''[eating his pizza, chuckling]'' Sucker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sings Jingle Bells while hammering on a mustard packets into the carpet]''
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily catches Bart]'' Bart! Why are you doing that?
:'''Bart''': I don't know.
:'''Homer''': Well, this time you must be punished!
:'''Bart''': Well, you could punish me, but--
:'''Homer''': No tricks, boy. I said I'm gonna punish you. And come hell or high water, I-- ''[he hears a ice cream truck]'' Wait a minute! ''[gasps]'' Ice cream truck! ''[runs out of the house and shoves children out of his way to get a ice cream]'' Me! Me! I was here first!
:''[Scene changes where Homer and Bart are sitting on a curb eating a ice cream outside of their house]''
:'''Homer''': Mmm. Now, what were we talking about, boy?
:'''Bart''': Uh, we were talking about the time you beat jury duty.
:'''Homer''': Oh, yeah. The trick is... to say you're prejudiced against all races.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
:'''Bart''': Not bloody likely.
:'''Homer''': No, it's true. When I was a boy, I wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
:'''Bart''': Dad, what's the point of this story?
:'''Homer''': I like stories.
:'''Bart''': Look, can I please go to the movie?
:'''Homer''': I know my punishment may seem a little harsh, but I can't go back on it. You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
:'''Bart''': TV sucks.
:'''Homer''': ''[low, angry voice]'' I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.

===''[[w:Marge Gets a Job|Marge Gets a Job]]''===
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Marge, I'm giving you a raise and a new office, right next to mine. ''[laughs]''
:'''Smithers''': But sir, that's my office.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Don't worry Smithers, I'm putting you where the action is.
:''[In the men's restroom, Smithers is cleaning the urinals with a toothbrush.]''
:'''Smithers''': Springtime fresh, winter white. What could be better?
:'''Homer''': ''[bursts in and unzips his fly.]'' Aw man, I really gotta...
:'''Smithers''': '''''NOOOOO!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': So do you think I have a case?
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice. ''[he produces a bottle from his desk]'' Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
:'''Marge''': It's 9:30 in the morning.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. ''[takes a generous swig]'' Last chance... ''[Homer and Marge don't respond. Hutz drains the bottle]'' Oh, yeah....

===''[[w:New Kid on the Block|New Kid on the Block]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[a dream cloud has himself making bacon on the beach]'' Oh. Bacon!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': This is where the Winfields hid their mutated son.
:'''Lisa''': Bart, the Winfields didn't have a son!
:'''Bart''': See that sock over there? It was his only friend. ''[high-pitched voice]'' Hello, Lisa. Here in the dark, you won't need those eyes.
:'''Lisa''': Bart! It's not funny!
:'''Bart''': There are some who say the monster is still... ''[flips his eyelids]'' HERE!!! ''[Lisa runs off, screaming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart and Lisa are fighting while Homer is on the phone with a babysitter.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[to Bart and Lisa]'' Shut up, you little monsters!! ''[to the phone]'' I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels.
:''[On the other end of the line.]''
:'''Woman''': I'm sorry, this isn't Abby. This is her sister. I look after her now.
:''[Abby rocks in her chair and mumbles quietly to herself.]''
:'''Abby''': No, Bart... put it down... put it down, Bart... Bart, put it down.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Man at the Kabul''': Sometimes I think you want to fail!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are sitting at their table at The Frying Dutchman, a waiter is taking their order]''
:'''Waiter''': I’m sorry ma’am but everything on the menu has fish in it. 
:'''Marge''': What about the bread? Does that have much fish in it?
:'''Waiter''': Yes. 
:'''Marge''': Well, I have some Tic-Tacs in my purse ''[looking through her purse]''
:'''Waiter''': Excellent choice. ''[writes on his notepad then turns to Homer]'' And for the gentleman?
:'''Homer''': All you can eat! All you can eat!
:'''Waiter''': All right, when you’re ready, take this plate over- ''[holds up a small plate to give to Homer but he is already taking a tray from the buffet table]''
:'''Kitchen staff member''': Please, don’t take the steam tray! Sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Laura''': ''[finding out some nincompoop teleported in Texas at an arcade]'' If I hit the &quot;remorse&quot; button one more time, I would've made it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[It is now 6:00 at night and Homer is still eating relentlessly as Marge is sleeping across the table from him. The staff members and the Sea Captain watch in awe]''
:'''Teenage waiter''': That man ate all our shrimp and two plastic lobsters. 
:'''Sea Captain''': 'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eating machine. Argh. ''[walks over to Marge and Homer]'' 6 bells, time for closing. 
:'''Homer''': Can't talk. Eating. 
:'''Sea Captain''': Fairly warned be thee, says I. ''[he snaps his fingers and two waiters drag Homer out of the restaurant as he is still eating]''
:'''Homer''': Hey. Hey! Hey! ''[runs back to the buffet table, starts shovelling food with his hands and the waiters drag him out again as Marge follows on foot]'' But the sign said &quot;All You Can Eat&quot;!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant.
:'''Marge''': We pretty much went straight home.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath.
:'''Marge''': We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': And when you couldn't find any?
:'''Marge''': ''[crying]'' We went fishing!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[to the jury]'' Do these sound like the actions of a man who'd had all he could eat?
:'''The Jury''': ''[all of whom are incredibly obese]'' No!
:'''One Particular Fat Juror''': That could have been '''me!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Zookeeper! Zookeeper, those two monkeys are killing each other!
:'''Zookeeper''': ''[quietly, to Homer's ear]'' &lt;small&gt;They're having sex.&lt;/small&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Maybe you're right. Now, if you'll excuse us... ''[Marge leaves]'' this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father. Son, a woman is a lot like, um... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and-- Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good. They look good. You'd step over your own mother just to get one! ''[drinks his can of Duff Beer]'' But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman. ''[grabs another can of Duff Beer from the refrigerator]''
:''(hours later, the kitchen table is littered with beer cans. Homer is visibly drunk while Bart has lost interest in the conversation)''
:'''Homer''' ''(drunkenly)'': ...so I sez, &quot;Yeah? If you want that money, come and find it, 'cuz I don't where it is, ya baloney! ''You'' make me wanna ''retch''!&quot; ''(falls asleep, snoring)''

===''[[w:Mr. Plow|Mr. Plow]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[angry]'' Mr. West, you said there was a job for me.
:'''[[Adam West]]''': There was. When I called you, ''[camera zooms in dramatically]'' 45 minutes ago.
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': So long, Superman, your secret identity is safe with me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak. Our own Arnie Pye is on the scene.
:'''[[w:List of media personalities in The Simpsons#Arnie Pye|Arnie Pye]]''': ''[live remote, in a helicopter]'' Everything's snowed in, all I can see is white!
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[impatiently]'' Arnie, please. The ski conditions.
:'''Pye''': ''[now upside-down]'' Mayday, mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain! Tell my wife I love-- ''[picture fuzzes out]''
:'''Brockman''': ''[chuckles]'' That's great, Arnie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[signing his jingle]'' ''Call Mr. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!''

===''[[w:Lisa's First Word|Lisa's First Word]]''===
:'''Marge''': Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say mama?
:'''Bart''': Can you say get bent?
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': Mr. Rogers says all the time.
:'''Marge''': He does not.
:'''Homer''': Maggie, can you say daddy? Daddy.
:'''Marge''': Kitty. Kitty.
:'''Lisa''': Be-bop. Be-bop.
:'''Bart''': Shove it. Shove it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart:''' Homer!
:'''Homer:''' ''[laughs, picks up Bart]'' Homer is what grown-ups call me. Call me Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy.
:'''Bart:''' Da-- Da-- Da--.
:'''Homer:''' Yes.
:'''Bart:''' Domer. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[turns red in anger]'' Why you little... ''[angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey, Homer, this house sucks!
:'''Homer''': Bart, I told you not to use that word. Call me daddy!
:'''Bart''': Homer, nah!
:''[Homer angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Krusty has just announced Krusty Burger's Olympic sweepstakes]''
:'''Krusty''': Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?
:'''Company Agent''': Not to worry, Mr. K, we've rigged the cards; they're all in events that Communists never lose.
:'''Krusty''': ''[satisfied]'' I like, I like!
:'''Aide''': This just came in over the wires, Big K! ''[hands him a paper sheet]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[reading]'' &quot;[[w:1984 Summer Olympics boycott|Soviet boycott]], U.S. unopposed in most events&quot;. How does this affect our giveaway?
:'''Company Agent''': Let's see. ''[punches numbers into a calculator]'' You personally stand to lose 44 million dollars.
:''[Krusty sobs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': Welcome back to this, the final day of the 23rd Olympiad, brought to you by Krusty Burger.
:'''Krusty''': ''[furious]'' YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS! ''[sobs]'' I personally am gonna spit in every 50th burger!
:'''Homer''': ''[surrounded by piles of free Krusty Burgers]'' I like those odds.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is in the hospital the day Lisa is born. Lisa is in her bassinet while Homer talks to her and Marge reads &quot;Fretful Mother&quot; magazine]''
:'''Homer''': Little Lisa. I've already started you a college fund at Lincoln Savings and Loan.
:'''Marge''': According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her.
:'''Homer''': Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are discussing moving out]''
:'''Marge''': I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.
:'''Homer''': No, we won't. I got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib, and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
:'''Marge''': Won't that warp him?
:'''Homer''': My cousin Frank did it.
:'''Marge''': You don't have a cousin Frank.
:'''Homer''': He became Francine in '76, then he joined that cult. I think his name is &quot;Mother Shabubu&quot; now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby.
:'''Marge''': I'm sorry, Bart. You're too little.
:'''Homer''': Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. ''[he places his can of beer on Bart's head]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Homer''': What?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I was sitting there!
:'''Lisa''': I don't see your name on it!
:'''Bart''': It's right there!
:'''Marge''': Bart, don't write on the rug.
:'''Lisa''': Ha-ha. Mom yelled at you.
:'''Bart''': Did not.
:'''Lisa''': Did too.
:'''Homer''': You know, Maggie, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. ''[he puts Maggie to bed]'' I hope you never say a word. ''[switches the light off, closes the door]''
:'''Maggie''': ''[pulls her pacifier out of her mouth]'' Daddy. ''[puts her pacifier back on her mouth and goes to sleep as the episode ends; credits showrunner appears; starting the credits. After the credits, Gracie Films logo appears and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:Homer's Triple Bypass|Homer's Triple Bypass]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We feel neither highs or lows.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Really? What's it like?
:'''Lisa''': ''[shrugs]'' Eh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Hey hey! ''[goofy laugh]'' ''[Homer grunts in pain; clutching his chest.]'' Hey, what's the matter? Oh, right. My grotesque appearance!
:'''Homer''': Krusty, why are you here?
:'''Krusty''': Eh, it's part of my public service for my &quot;[[wikipedia:Drunk driving|Glug-glug, vroom-vroom]], [[w:Vehicular manslaughter|thump-thump]].&quot;
:'''Homer''': Well, I could use a laugh.
:'''Krusty''': Well, there's nothing funny about what you're about to go through. I know! ''[Takes off his shirt, revealing a pacemaker scar.]'' I'm in the zipper club myself! ''[lights a cigarette]''
:'''Homer''': You seem pretty healthy.
:'''Krusty''': Yeah? Well I got news for ya: this ain't makeup!

===''[[w:Marge vs. the Monorail|Marge vs. the Monorail]]''===
:'''Lyle Lanley''': You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it.
:''[Everyone laughs except Homer who at first doesn't get the joke]''
:'''Homer''': Heh-heh, mule.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': The name's Lanley, Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest —Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Shelbyville idea.
:'''Mayor Quimby''': Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': All right, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll ''show'' you my idea. I give you the Springfield Monorail! ''[everyone gasps]'' I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum, it put them on the map! Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified six-car monorail! What'd I say?
:'''Ned''': Monorail!
:'''Lyle''': What's it called?
:'''Patty and Selma''': Monorail.
:'''Lyle''': That's right, monorail! ''[the crowd starts chanting &quot;monorail&quot; as Lyle begins to play piano]''
:'''Ms. Hoover''': I hear those things are awfully loud.
:'''Lyle''': It glides as softly as a cloud!
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': Is there a chance the track could bend?
:'''Lyle''': Not on your life, my Hindu friend!
:'''Barney''': What about us brain-dead slobs?
:'''Lyle''': You'll be given cushy jobs!
:'''Abe Simpson''': Were you sent here by the Devil?
:'''Lyle''': No, good sir, I'm on the level!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': The ring came off my pudding can.
:'''Lyle''': Take my pen knife, my good man! I swear it's Springfield's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! ('''Lyle''': What's it called?) Monoraaaaaaail!! ('''Lyle''': Once again!) Monoraaaaaaail!!!
:'''Marge''': But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
:'''Bart''': Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! Monoraaaaaaail!! Monoraaaaaaail!!! MONORAIL!
:'''Homer''': Mono... ''[realizes the song is over]'' D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge opens the fire extinguisher cabinet, sees a mother opossum with four offspring sleeping, who then start hissing]''
:'''Marge''': Homer, there's a family of possums in here!
:'''Homer''': I call the big one Bitey.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A solar eclipse forms outside]''
:'''[[Leonard Nimoy]]''': A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet... goes on.
:'''Male Passenger''': Does anyone want to switch seats?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lyle Lanley tries to escape on a plane with Springfield’s money]''
:'''Pilot''': Folks, this is your captain speaking. Our nonstop flight to Tahiti will be making a brief layover in North Haverbrook.
:'''Lyle''': North Haverbrook. Where have I heard that name before? ''[suddenly remembers]'' Oh, no. '''Oh, no!'''
:'''Man with pitchfork''': There he is! Seat 3-F!
:''[The angry citizens of North Haverbrook beat Lyle Lanley with many items]''

===''[[w:Selma's Choice|Selma's Choice]]''===
''(Homer, Bart, and Lisa are getting ready for Duff Gardens)''
:'''Homer''': Now what do we say when we get to the ticket booth?
:'''Bart''' and '''Lisa''' ''(in unison)'': We're under six.
:'''Homer''': And I'm a college student. ''(chuckles)''
:''(Marge comes in, upset)''
:'''Marge''': Kids, I've got some bad news. Your great-aunt Gladys has...passed on.
:'''Bart''' ''(running through his head who Great-Aunt Gladys is)'': Gladys...Gladys. About yea-high ''(puts his hand where his eyes  are)'', blue hair, big dent in her forehead?
:'''Marge''': No, honey. Gladys looked more like your Aunt Patty.
:'''Bart''' ''(stares blankly, then shudders)'': Ugh! Oh, yeah. There she is.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': The funeral is in Littleneck Falls. Looks like we'll have to go to Duff Gardens another time.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We understand.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': No use complaining about something you can't change.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': But I wanna go to Duff Gardens. Right now!
:'''Marge''': Homer, quit pouting.
:'''Homer''': I'm not pouting. I'm mourning. ''(to himself)'': Stupid dead woman.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hans Moleman''': ''[reading an eye chart at the DMV and failing]'' R...Q...J...question mark...smiley face...
:''[cut to Selma stamping &quot;VOID&quot; on Hans' driver's license]''
:'''Selma Bouvier''': Next! ''(double checks the license)'': Wait a minute. It says here you're single.
:'''Hans Moleman'''  ''(scared)'': Did I do wrong?
:'''Hans''': ''[cut to Selma and Hans at a fancy restaurant. Hans is trying to read the menu]'' Combed, biscuits, chicken, yellow, mailman.
:'''Waitress''': You're reading the wine list, sir.
:'''Hans''': Very good.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(Selma comes back from her date with Hans Moleman)''
:'''Marge''': Selma, your date's over already?
:'''Selma''': Yeah. I was so depressed, I ate a jar of expired olives. ''(sighs)'': I guess I'll never have a baby.
:'''Lisa''' ''(as she's watching a Duff Gardens commercial where Lance Murdock and a bunch of unnamed riders are being knocked back and forth on a large version of a Newton's cradle)'': Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, but have you ever considered artificial insemination.
:'''Homer''' ''(giggles)'': Boy, I don't know. You've got to be pretty desperate to make it with a robot. 
:''(Marge whispers in Homer's ear what artificial insemination really is)''
:'''Homer''': I knew that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey Lise, I dare you to drink the water.
:'''Lisa''' ''(looks down at the water they're floating on. It is a dark brown, sludgy mess)'': I'm not sure that ''is'' water...
:'''Bart''': Chicken. ''[begins clucking loudly]''
:'''Lisa''': Quit it, Bart. Quit it! QUIT IT, QUIT IT!
:'''Selma''': Bart, be quiet! Lisa, drink the water!
:''(Lisa bends down and drinks some from her cupped hands. She groans as her grip on reality starts to slip. She stares at the Dutch girl robots)''
:'''Dutch Girl Robots''' ''(begins to sound discordant and ominous)'': Duff Beer for me/Duff Beer for you...''(Lisa blinks and her eyes go white and hollow)'': I'll have a Duff...Duff...Duff... ''(the Dutch girl robots fade away into the darkness)''
:''(the darkness of the ride is now punctuated with strange lights as Lisa begins acting paranoid)''
:'''Lisa''': They're all around me! No way out! ''(cackles insanely)'': NO WAY OUT, I TELL YOU! ''(grabs Selma by her dress collar)''
:'''Selma''' ''(as a 1960s Jimi Hendrix-style rock version of the &quot;Duff Beer for Me&quot; jingle plays and Lisa sees Selma as a multi-eyed monster with green skin)'': What's wrong? Ah, you just put your head right here. ''(sticks out her shoulder. The shoulder suddenly grows a mouth and snarls. The mouth on Selma's shoulder turns into Lisa's screaming mouth. Zoom out to reveal Lisa swinging an oar at Selma and Bart)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Bart gets rescued from The Barrel Roll. Selma is speaking with the security guard as Bart is trying to keep his eyes open]''
:'''Selma''': Don't blame these kids. ''[groans]'': It's not their fault. I think their father is missing a chromosome.
:'''Security Guard #1''': Miss Bouvier, while we were rescuing this boy, hoodlums made off with three bumper cars!
:''[cut to Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney -- who were previously arrested for being a roaming gang in the second Duff Gardens commercial -- driving down the road on three detached bumper cars that somehow are still functioning, laughing as they ride off into the sunset, past a sign that says &quot;Leaving Duff Gardfns&quot;]''
:''[cut back to the security shack]''
:'''Security Guard #1''': And I don't think George Washington will ever be the same.
:''[cut to a robotics engineer trying to fix the George Washington robot from the Duff Hall of Presidents, which is now reduced to just his head, only to back away as it starts jabbering]''
:''[a second security guard and a man in a white doctor's coat come in with a pale and jittery Lisa, clad in only a towel]''
:'''Security Guard''' ''[as Lisa's hollow eyes dart frantically and her skin color goes from white to pale yellow]'': We found ''this''  one swimming ''naked'' in the Fermentarium. 
:'''Lisa''': I ''AM'' THE LIZARD ''QUEEN''!
:'''White-coated Man''': Give her this...''[gives Selma two pills]''...and this...''[gives her two more as Lisa is shivering]''...and then these. ''[gives her an entire handful]''
:'''Selma''': Thank you, doctor.
:'''White-coated Man''': Oh, I'm not a doctor.

===''[[w:Brother from the Same Planet|Brother from the Same Planet]]''===
:''[Bart's class is having Show and Tell]''
:'''Bart''': Someday, I want to be an F-14 pilot like my hero, Tom. He lent me this new weapon called a neural disrupter.
:''[Bart demonstrates the sheer power of the neural disrupter by shooting it at Martin's forehead]''
:'''Martin''': Hey...
:''[falls down on the ground, twitching]''
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': He's not dead, is he Bart?
:'''Bart''': Nah, but I wouldn't give him any homework for awhile.
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Very good, Bart. Thank you.
:'''Bart''': Oh, don't thank me. Thank an unprecedented [[Ronald Reagan|eight-year military build-up]].
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Mmm. Milhouse, you're next.
:'''Milhouse''': Uh, I have a horsey.
:''[mimics his toy horse neighing weakly which then trails off]''
:'''Nelson''': Wuss!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[during Krusty's monologue on ''Tuesday Night Live'']''
:'''Krusty''': We got a great show for ya. Well, actually, the last half-hour is a real garbage dump! ''[sighs]'': We'll be right back.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the band from ''Tuesday Night Live'' plays before going to commercial]'':
:'''Bart''': I miss Joe Piscopo.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': This just in, a fist-fight is in progress in downtown Springfield. Initial reports indicate, and these are very preliminary, that one of the fighters is a giant lizard. ''[shot of [[Godzilla]] appears in the background.]'' Do we have a source on this? Uh-huh, a bunch of drunken frat boys. All right, I could use some names. &quot;I.P Freely&quot;. Uh... ''[realizes]'' Grrr!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[after Bart comes home]'' Hello, son. Where have you been? 
:'''Bart''': Playing with Milhouse.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' No, you haven't! You've been out gallivanting around with that floozy of a bigger brother of yours! Haven't you? Haven't you? Look at me! 
:'''Bart''': Dad, it just kind of happened. You're taking this too hard.
:'''Homer''': How would you like me to take it? Go ahead, Bart. Have your fun. I'll be waiting for you? I'm sorry. I can't do it!  
:'''Bart''': Well, what are you gonna do?
:'''Homer''': Oh-ho. You'll see.

===''[[w:I Love Lisa|I Love Lisa]]''===
:''[Lisa opens a package from Ralph.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': A Malibu Stacy convertible! ''[she finds a note from Ralph]'' &quot;Look in the tunk.&quot; He must mean &quot;trunk&quot;. ''[opens trunk]'' Two tickets to the Krusty Anniversary Show! Oh, he must want me to go with him.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': That's not fair! I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty Home Pregnancy test!
:'''Lisa''': I'm not sure if I ''should'' go. I don't even like him.
:'''Bart''': You're right, Lis. You shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest. I'll go disguised as you.
:'''Lisa''': But what if he wants to hold hands?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to kiss?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to--
:'''Bart''': You don't want to know how far I'll go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(as Chief Wiggum is driving Ralph and Lisa to the Krusty the Clown Show 29th Anniversary Special)''
:'''Lisa''': Chief Wiggum, how'd you ever get these tickets?
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Krusty knows how to play ball.
:''(Flashback: Establishing shot of the Springfield-X porno theater as raunchy, guitar-backed porno music plays. The buzzing marquee reads: &quot;Now Playing: Debbie Does Springfield&quot;. Cut to inside where Krusty the Clown is watching the movie. Chief Wiggum comes in and takes a seat behind Krusty while eating from a bucket of popcorn)''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Ah, nothing beats a good porno movie.
:'''Krusty''' ''(recognizes the voice and turns back to face Wiggum with fear in his voice)'': Chief Wiggum?! Is this a bust?
:'''Chief Wiggum''' ''(unable to answer the question honestly)'': Uh...yeah. That's just what it is: a bust.
:''(cut back to Lisa talking to Wiggum from the back seat of his police cruiser)''
:'''Lisa''': That story isn't suitable for children.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Really? I keep my pants on in this version.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Determined to avenge Ralph for being harshly spurned by Lisa, Chief Wiggum pulls Homer over.]''
:'''Homer''': Is there a problem, officer?
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Yep. Got a tail-light out.
:'''Homer''': Where?
:'''Wiggum''': ''[smashes a tail-light]'' Right there.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops!
:'''Wiggum''': ''[alarmed]'' They are? Oh no! Have they set a date?

===''[[w:Duffless|Duffless]]''===
:[''as Lisa comes back to find her steroid-pumped tomato splattered all over Principal Skinner, who's trembling from post-traumatic stress disorder as the children laugh at him'']
:'''Lisa''' ''[shouting]'' &lt;big&gt;BART!&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At an [[w:Alcoholics Anonymous|Alcoholics Anonymous]]  meeting.]''
:'''[[w:Otto Mann|Otto]]''': My name is Ot-to. I ''love'' to get blot-to.
:'''[[w:Hans Moleman|Hans Moleman]]''': My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm ''31'' years old.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': My name is Homer and I'm just here because the court made me come.
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again. 
:''[Homer immediately screams and jumps through a window.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[singing]'' [[w:It Was A Very Good Year|When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.]]

===''[[w:Last Exit to Springfield|Last Exit to Springfield]]''===
:''[Mr. Burns and Smithers watch Homer tear up the union contract on a hidden camera]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Who is that firebrand, Smithers?
:'''Smithers''': That's Homer Simpson, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Simpson, eh? New man?
:'''Smithers''': Actually, sir, [[w:Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish|he thwarted your campaign for governor]], [[w:Bart Gets Hit By a Car|you ran over his son]], [[w:Homer Defined|he saved the plant from meltdown]], [[w:Brush with Greatness|his wife painted you in the nude]]...
: '''Mr. Burns''': ...Eh, doesn't ring a bell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Cool! She'll be a freak.
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': We can stick her in a trailer, drive her around the South and charge two bits a gander.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': We don't have to be adversaries, Homer! We ''both'' want a fair union contract!
:'''Homer''': ''[internally]'' ''Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!
:'''Homer''': ''Wait a minute... is he coming onto me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
:'''Homer''': ''My God, he is coming onto me!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': After all... ''negotiations make strange bedfellows''! ''[chuckles, clicks his tongue and winks]''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]''
:'''Homer''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these [[w:Sodomy|backdoor shenanigans]]. Sure, I'm flattered – maybe even a little curious – But the answer is no!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa:''' Do you really think you can get our dental plan back?
:'''Homer:''' Well, that depends on who's the better negotiator, Mr. Burns or me...
:'''Bart:''' Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old Danish.
:'''Homer:''' Done and done! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Burns has called in an elderly strikebreaking team led by Grampa Simpson.]''
:'''Grampa''': We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. ''[other strikebreakers mutter in agreement]'' One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville: I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. &quot;Gimme five bees for a quarter,&quot; you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because o' the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

===''[[w:So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show|So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show]]''===
:'''Bart''': You're going down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you!
:'''Homer''': You talk better than you fool.
:'''Bart''': I'll fool you up real nice.
:'''Homer''': You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Mmm… beer.
:''[While the thermostat is set to very high levels, Homer begins to open the can of beer Bart had shaken up with a paint mixer.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': April F- ''[an explosion of beer blows out the windows and roof of the Simpsons' house and takes the shape of a mushroom cloud, Lou and Chief Wiggum stop the police car.]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Eddie and Lou|Lou]]''': That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
:'''[[w:Clancy Wiggum|Chief Wiggum]]''': Forget it! That's two blocks away.
:'''Lou''': ''[squints]'' Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[gets out of the car]'' I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
:'''Lou''': ''[into radio as Wiggum runs towards the cloud]'' We need pretzels! Repeat, pretzels!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Dr. Hibbert|Dr. Hibbert]]''': Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. ''[Simpson family gasps except for Marge, Bart and Lisa, laughs]'' April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': I, uh, brought you a little present. ''[gives Homer a can of beer]''
:'''Homer''': No. No! Beer bring pain!
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': I can't stand to see him like that this. ''[Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away]''
:'''Moe''': He really needs a girlfriend.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Grampa Simpson|Grampa]]''': Poor Homer. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.
:'''Homer''': ''[gargles]'' Rrraaahhh…
:'''Grampa''': ''Ah!'' Kill it! ''Kill it''!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Grampa, please, he's in a coma.
:'''Grampa''': Coma? Pffft. Why, I go in and out of comas all the- ''[falls asleep, pauses, wakes up]'' French toast, please.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Is a coma painful?
:'''Grampa''': Oh, heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girl from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': ''[bursts thru the ward]'' This man is costing my health plan $5000 a day! I demand that Joe die with dignity. ''[he plugs the plug]''
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': Now, look, I'm the doctor here.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well, I demand a second opinion.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Dr. Nick|Dr. Nick]]''': ''[pops in]'' Hi, everybody!
:'''All''': Hi, Dr. Nick! ''[Nick pokes Homer's abdomen with a reflex hammer]''
:'''Homer''': ''[squeaks]'' Mrrh.
:'''Dr. Nick''': Oh dear, I see no signs of life. Just to be safe, we better pull the plug.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yoink!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Dad, it's all my fault. I shook up that can of beer. It was just an April Fools joke.
:''[Life support machine starts to change from showing Homer's life signs to outlines of Bart. His mouth begins to form a growl, his fingers twitch and his eyes slowly open in anger.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[angrily turns red]'' Why, you little--!! ''[grabs Bart and proceeds to strangle him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': You lost 5% of your brain.
:'''Homer''': Me lose brain? Uh-oh! ''[Everyone including Homer laughs]'' Why I laugh?
:''[The episode ends, showrunner appears. The credits begins. After the credits, Gracie Films and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:The Front (The Simpsons)|The Front]]''===

:''[after watching the listless and boring ''Itchy &amp; Scratchy'' episode &quot;Dazed and Contused&quot;]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[takes an angry puff from his cigarette]'' Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...''[notices the cameras are on him]'': Ha, ha! Hey, wow! Wasn't that great, kids?
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': That's as bad as the tasteless &quot;Itchy &amp; Sambo&quot; cartoons of the late '30s. The writers should be ashamed of themselves.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Cartoons have writers?
:'''Lisa''': Eh, sort of.
:'''Bart''': Oh yeah? Well you and I could write a better cartoon than that.
:'''Lisa''': Write a cartoon ourselves? Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
:'''Bart''': Probably not. ''[in his mind, Bart is thinking about holding Santa Claus at gunpoint]'' Lie in the snow and count to 60. ''[Bart leaps into the sleigh and cracks the reins]'' Hiyah! ''[laughs evilly as he flies into the distance]'' Merry Christmas, suckers!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer's Brain''': This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.
:'''Homer''': Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
:'''Marge''': Oh, my God!
:'''Homer's Brain''': No, the other secret!
:'''Homer''': Marge, I never graduated from high school.
:'''Marge''': Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap... Wait, maybe it does...
:'''Homer''': I never passed Remedial Science 1-A.
:'''Marge''' ''[concerned]'' And '''''you're''''' a nuclear technician?
:'''Homer''': Marge, [[w:Pig latin|ix-nay on the uclear-nay echnician-tay]]!
:'''Marge''': What did you say?
:'''Homer''' ''[upset]'' I don't know. I flunked Latin, too!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''' ''[as she's going over the mail]'': Third notice? ''Final'' notice? &quot;Some guys are coming&quot;?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[typing a letter]'': &quot;Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am '''''not'''''  a crackpot.&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[as he's typing out a complaint letter]'': &quot;When I read your magazine, I don't see one wrinkled face or single toothless grin. For ''shame''. To the sickos at ''Modern Bride'' magazine...&quot;

===''[[w:Whacking Day|Whacking Day]]''===
:''[Bart and the bullies make their way to Utility Basement B looking for mountain bikes.]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Hey, what gives? Where are the mountain bikes?
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': ''[appears]'' Sorry about the ruse, gentlemen. You're being swept under the rug for the superintendent's visit. Enjoy. ''[closes the door and locks them in]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Jimbo Jones|Jimbo]]''': How are we going to get out of here?
:'''Nelson''': And when are we going to get our mountain bikes?
:'''Principal Skinner''': ''[outside of the room]'' Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
:'''[[w:Groundskeeper Willie|Groundskeeper Willie]]''': Nay, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
:'''Principal Skinner''': Wise counsel, William, but the potty talk adds nothing.
:'''Willie''': Aye, sir. ''[under his breath]'' Ye bath-takin', underpants-wearin', lily-hugger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Springfield residents track down the snakes to the Simpson place, but Lisa wants a stop to the killing.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Now wait a minute! How could you do this to snakes after all they've done for you?
:'''[[w:Abraham Simpson|Grandpa]]''': I'm an old man. I hate everything but ''[[w:Matlock|Matlock]]''. Ooh, it's on now.
:'''Lisa''': Mrs. Glick, who killed all the rats in your basement?
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Mrs. Glick|Mrs. Glick]]''': Snake did.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': And you love snakes, don't you Mr. White?
:'''[[w:Barry White|Barry White]]''': I love the sexy slither of a lady snake. Oh baby.

===''[[w:Marge in Chains|Marge in Chains]]''===
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I-- Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Is that bad?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
:'''Marge''': You did?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, replace the word &quot;kinda&quot; with the word &quot;repeatedly&quot;, and the word &quot;dog&quot; with &quot;son.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot she was carrying that bottle of ''[looks at bottle]'' delicious... bourbon... brownest of the brown liquors... ''[hugs bottle]'' so tempting... ''[puts the bottle to his ear]'' What's that?  You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial. Excuse me. ''[Hutz rushes out of courtroom to call his best friend]'' Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
:'''[[David Crosby|Crosby]]''': Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
:'''Hutz''': I love you too, man.

===''[[w:Krusty Gets Cancelled|Krusty Gets Kancelled]]''===
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Every time you watch my show, I will send you $40! ''[holds up check to audience]''
:'''Man''': ''[quick voice-over]'' Checks will not be honored.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, would you guys be interested in a Krusty the Clown comeback special?
:'''[[w:Flea (musician)|Flea]]''': Sure, if you can get us out of this gig.
:'''Bart''': No problemo. Hey, Moe! Look over there! ''[Bart points to a blank wall]''
:'''Moe''': What? What am I looking at? I don't see anything. Gonna stop looking now! What, is that it...?
:'''Homer''': Hey, Moe, can I look too?
:'''Moe''': Sure, but it'll cost you.
:'''Homer''': My wallet's in the car!
:'''Moe''': ''[chuckles]'' He is so stupid. And now back to the wall!

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 04}}

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      <text bytes="53094" sha1="ps0lxhmitcuza2gwempmkooifx10otf" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Simpsons''/Season 4}}
{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

===''[[w:Kamp Krusty|Kamp Krusty]]''===
:'''Lisa''': You're serving us gruel?
:'''Dolph''': Not quite. ''[pulls out a large drum of gruel with Krusty's face on the front]'' This is Krusty-Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Krusty has arrived at the camp to deal with the Bart-led riot]''
:'''Bart''': How could you, Krusty? I'd never lend my name to an inferior product.
:'''Krusty''': ''[crying]'' They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone!
:'''Bart''': Krusty, this camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[sobs]''
:'''Bart''': Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
:'''Krusty''': Was it a nice hat?
:'''Bart''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[continues sobbing]''

===''[[w:A Streetcar Named Marge|A Streetcar Named Marge]]''===
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Hello! I am Llewelyn Sinclair! I have directed three plays in my career and I have had three heart attacks. That's how much I care, I am planning for a fourth.
:'''Marge''': Hmm, maybe I should have taken a nice calligraphy class.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, forget it, that Mr. Takahashi's a lunatic.
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Quiet!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Sorry. 
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': I'm not an easy man to work for. While directing ''Hats Off to Chanukkah'', I reduced more than one cast member to tears. Did I expect too much from fourth-graders? The review &quot;Play enjoyed by all&quot;... ''[holds up an elementary school newspaper with said headline]'' speaks for itself.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hmm.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Are there any jive-talking robots in this play?
:'''Marge''': I don't think so.
:'''Homer''': Bart, don't ask stupid questions. ''[to Marge]'' Is there any frontal nudity?
:'''Marge''': ''[sighs]'' No, Homer.
:''[Back in Springfield Community Center]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy''': My name is Helen Lovejoy. I'm been playing Stella.
:'''Apu''': I am Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. I played Steve.
:'''Otto''': My name is Otto! I'm playing Pablo!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!
:'''Marge''': I'm Marge Simpson. I'm played Blanche. I'm make some peanut butter brownies for anyone.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Opening number of &quot;Oh, Streetcar!&quot;]''
:''[The curtain rises revealing Chief Wiggum standing in front of a set resembling the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesars%20Superdome New Orleans Superdome]
:'''Chief Wiggum as chorus member''': 
:Long before the Superdome, 
:Where the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New%20Orleans%20Saints Saints of football] play, 
:There’s a city that the damned call home,
:Hear their hellish rondelet...
:''[The set rotates revealing a New Orleans street set surrounded by the other chorus members]''
:'''Chorus members''': New Orleans! 
:Home of pirates, drunks, and whores, 
:New Orleans!
:Tacky, overpriced souvenir stores,
:If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip,
:To the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip'
:New Orleans!
:Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile,
:New Orleans!
:Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul,
:New Orleans!
:Crummy, lousy, rancid and rank,
:New Orleans!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Introduction of Blanche DuBois played by Marge]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy as Stella''': ''[To Blanche]'' ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' What's the matter, honey? Are you lost?
:'''Marge as Blanche''': ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' I'm looking for my sister, Stella.
:'''Lisa''': ''[In the audience]'' It's mom! 
:''[Homer, Bart and Maggie look up to see Marge is now on stage]''
:'''Blanche''': My name is Blanche DuBois. 
:''[singing]'' I thought my life would be a Mardi Gras...
:A never-ending party... ''[pause]'' Ha!
:I'm a faded Southern dame without a dime...
:'''Apu as Steve the paperboy''' I am collecting for the evening star.
:'''Blanche''': Come here, I wanna kiss you just once... softly and sweetly...on your mouth...
:'''Steve''': ''[singing]'' I am just a simple paperboy, no romance do I seek..
:I just wanted forty cents, for my deliveries last week...
:Will this bewitching floozy...
:Seduce this humble newsie?
:Oh, what's a paperboy to... doooooo?
:''[Blanche kisses him]'' Woo-hoo!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[&quot;Stanley's torment&quot; musical number]''
:'''Ned as Stanley''': ''[yelling]'' '''Stella! STELLLAAAA!'''  
:''[singing]'' Can't you hear me YELLA!
:You're puttin' me through HELLA!  '''Stella...  STELLLAAAA!'''

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Blache flies around the stage in anguish surrounded by red fog and lasers]''
:'''Bart''': ''[in the audience]'' Cool! She can fly!
:'''Lisa''': I think it's supposed to symbolize her decent into madness

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Closing number]''
:'''Blanche''': Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers...
:''[song begins]''
:'''Chorus''': You can always depend on the kindness of strangers, to pluck up your spirits, and shield you from dangers.
:'''Blanche''': Now here's a tip from Blanche you won't regret.
:'''Chorus''': ''[waving good-bye to Blanche as she exits stage right on a motorized streetcar prop]'' 
:A stranger's just a friend you haven't met.
:You ha-ven't met...
:Streetcar!
:''[The curtain falls on the performance and the audience cheers wildly while giving a standing ovation]''

===''[[w:Homer the Heretic|Homer the Heretic]]''===
:''[Groundskeeper Willie tries to unfreeze the church doors with a blowtorch.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': How's that door coming, Willie?
:'''Groundskeeper Willie''': [[Miracles]] are your department, Reverend.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[God appears in Homer's dream, ripping the roof off his house.]''
:'''Homer''': God ...?
:'''God''': ''[points finger at Homer] '''Thou hast forsaken My church!'''''
:'''Homer''': Well, kind of, but-
:'''God''': '''But what?!'''
:'''Homer''': I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?
:'''God''': ''[stops himself]'' Hmm, you've got a point there. ''[sits beside Homer]'' Sometimes, even I would rather be watching football. Does St. Louis still have a team?
:'''Homer''': No, [[w:Arizona Cardinals|they moved to Phoenix]].
:'''God''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Homer''': You know what I really hate about church? Those boring sermons.
:'''God''': ''[sighs]'' I couldn't agree more, that Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. I think I'll give him a canker sore.
:'''Homer''': Give him one for me.
:'''God''': I will. ''[pets Snowball II]''
:'''Homer''': So I figure I should just try to live right and worship You in my own way.
:'''God''': Homer, it's a deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Homer's friends save him from his burning house.]''
:'''Homer''': The Lord is vengeful! ''[falls to his knees]'' O Spiteful One! Show me who to smite, and they shall be smoten!
:'''Ned''': ''[chuckles]'' Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they ''[points to Ned]'' Christian, ''[Krusty]'' Jew, or ''[Apu]'' ...miscellaneous.
:'''Apu''': Hindu! There ''are'' 700 million of us.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': ''[condescendingly]'' Aw, that's super.
:'''Homer''': I was rude to every one of you. And you saved my life when you could've just left me to fry like the proverbial pancake that I am.
:'''Marge''': Aw, Homer! I'm so glad to hear you say that.

===''[[w:Lisa the Beauty Queen|Lisa the Beauty Queen]]''===
:'''Kent Brockman''': Scott, everyone is here from the Mayor's illegitimate son to our own ''[camera focuses up]'' Duff blimp.
:'''Barney''': ''[aboard the Duff blimp]'' Hi. Can I drive?
:'''Pilot''': Well, I can't see the harm.
:''[Barney crashes the blimp into a nearby radio tower, causing the blimp to burst into flames.]''
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[looks away]'' [[w:Hindenburg disaster|Oh, the humanity!]] Anyway, to turn on the store's severe tire damage spikes, here's Little Miss Springfield.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': But it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under &quot;Do not write in this space,&quot; he wrote &quot;Okay.&quot;
:''[Homer and Lisa watch at home]''
:'''Homer''': If it wasn't for me, you'd still be queen. You must hate me.
:'''Lisa''': Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?
:'''Homer''': I dunno. Was I drunk?
:'''Lisa''': Possibly. But the point is, you wanted me to feel better about myself. And I do.
:'''Homer''': Really?
:'''Lisa''': Uh-huh.
:'''Homer''': Will you remember this the next time I wreck your life?
:'''Lisa''': It's a deal.
:''[They hug]''

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror III|Treehouse of Horror III]]''===
:''[First lines]''
:'''Homer''': ''[impersonating Alfred Hitchcock]'' Good evening. ''[normally]'' I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some crybabies out there - religious types, mostly - who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on, I dare you! ''[clucks, flaps his arms]'' Chicken!
:''[suddenly, the screen goes out. In darkness, a white dot is visible; offscreen]'' Hey!
:''[Footstep sounds heard]''
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' Homer, did you just call everyone &quot;chicken&quot;?
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' No. I swear on this Bible.
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' That's not a Bible, that's a book of carpet samples!
:''[The white dot disappears slowly]''
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' Ooh...fuzzy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Do you sell toys?
:'''Shopkeeper''': We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to tread. We also sell [[w:Frozen yogurt|frozen yogurt]],  which I call frogurt.
:'''Homer''': Well, I need something for my son's birthday.
:'''Shopkeeper''': Ah, perhaps this will please the gentleman. ''[picks up a Krusty the Clown doll]'' Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' Ooooh, that's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But it comes with a free frogurt!
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The frogurt is also cursed.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' That's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But you get your choice of topping.
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The toppings contain [[w:Potassium benzoate|potassium benzoate]]. ''[Homer stares]'' That's bad.
:'''Homer''': Can I go now?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer runs naked across the kitchen, trying to escape the Krusty the Clown doll and pass by Marge, Patty, and Selma, who are having lunch. Patty and Selma stare, wide-eyed, then lower their eyelids in disgust as they put down their forks]''
:'''Patty''': There goes the last, lingering thread of my heterosexuality.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Krusty Doll Repair Guy''': Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to &quot;evil&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flanders''': ''[now a zombie]'' Hey Simpson, I'm feeling a might peckish! Mind if I chew your ear?
:''[Homer shoots Flanders]''
:'''Bart''': Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
:'''Homer''': ''[quizzically]'' He was a zombie?

===''[[w:Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie|Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie]]''===
:'''Marge''': Now, be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
:'''Lisa''': What are we gonna have?
:'''Homer''': Well that depends on what your teachers say. If both of you have been good, pizza. If you've been bad, um...let's see, poison.
:'''Lisa''': What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
:'''Bart''': Poison pizza.
:'''Homer''': Oh no, I'm not making two stops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Gee, maybe they mean it this time. From now on, I guess I'd better straighten up and fly--
:'''Homer''': ''[opens Bart's bedroom door as he carrying a pizza box]''  Bart. Don't tell your mother, but I brought you some pizza. Just promise me you'll try to be good.
:'''Bart''': I promise.
:'''Homer''': That-a-boy. ''[leaves and closes Bart's bedroom door]''
:'''Bart''': ''[eating his pizza, chuckling]'' Sucker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sings Jingle Bells while hammering on a mustard packets into the carpet]''
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily catches Bart]'' Bart! Why are you doing that?
:'''Bart''': I don't know.
:'''Homer''': Well, this time you must be punished!
:'''Bart''': Well, you could punish me, but--
:'''Homer''': No tricks, boy. I said I'm gonna punish you. And come hell or high water, I-- ''[he hears a ice cream truck]'' Wait a minute! ''[gasps]'' Ice cream truck! ''[runs out of the house and shoves children out of his way to get a ice cream]'' Me! Me! I was here first!
:''[Scene changes where Homer and Bart are sitting on a curb eating a ice cream outside of their house]''
:'''Homer''': Mmm. Now, what were we talking about, boy?
:'''Bart''': Uh, we were talking about the time you beat jury duty.
:'''Homer''': Oh, yeah. The trick is... to say you're prejudiced against all races.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
:'''Bart''': Not bloody likely.
:'''Homer''': No, it's true. When I was a boy, I wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
:'''Bart''': Dad, what's the point of this story?
:'''Homer''': I like stories.
:'''Bart''': Look, can I please go to the movie?
:'''Homer''': I know my punishment may seem a little harsh, but I can't go back on it. You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
:'''Bart''': TV sucks.
:'''Homer''': ''[low, angry voice]'' I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.

===''[[w:Marge Gets a Job|Marge Gets a Job]]''===
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Marge, I'm giving you a raise and a new office, right next to mine. ''[laughs]''
:'''Smithers''': But sir, that's my office.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Don't worry Smithers, I'm putting you where the action is.
:''[In the men's restroom, Smithers is cleaning the urinals with a toothbrush.]''
:'''Smithers''': Springtime fresh, winter white. What could be better?
:'''Homer''': ''[bursts in and unzips his fly.]'' Aw man, I really gotta...
:'''Smithers''': '''''NOOOOO!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': So do you think I have a case?
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice. ''[he produces a bottle from his desk]'' Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
:'''Marge''': It's 9:30 in the morning.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. ''[takes a generous swig]'' Last chance... ''[Homer and Marge don't respond. Hutz drains the bottle]'' Oh, yeah....

===''[[w:New Kid on the Block|New Kid on the Block]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[a dream cloud has himself making bacon on the beach]'' Oh. Bacon!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': This is where the Winfields hid their mutated son.
:'''Lisa''': Bart, the Winfields didn't have a son!
:'''Bart''': See that sock over there? It was his only friend. ''[high-pitched voice]'' Hello, Lisa. Here in the dark, you won't need those eyes.
:'''Lisa''': Bart! It's not funny!
:'''Bart''': There are some who say the monster is still... ''[flips his eyelids]'' HERE!!! ''[Lisa runs off, screaming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart and Lisa are fighting while Homer is on the phone with a babysitter.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[to Bart and Lisa]'' Shut up, you little monsters!! ''[to the phone]'' I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels.
:''[On the other end of the line.]''
:'''Woman''': I'm sorry, this isn't Abby. This is her sister. I look after her now.
:''[Abby rocks in her chair and mumbles quietly to herself.]''
:'''Abby''': No, Bart... put it down... put it down, Bart... Bart, put it down.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Man at the Kabul''': Sometimes I think you want to fail!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are sitting at their table at The Frying Dutchman, a waiter is taking their order]''
:'''Waiter''': I’m sorry ma’am but everything on the menu has fish in it. 
:'''Marge''': What about the bread? Does that have much fish in it?
:'''Waiter''': Yes. 
:'''Marge''': Well, I have some Tic-Tacs in my purse ''[looking through her purse]''
:'''Waiter''': Excellent choice. ''[writes on his notepad then turns to Homer]'' And for the gentleman?
:'''Homer''': All you can eat! All you can eat!
:'''Waiter''': All right, when you’re ready, take this plate over- ''[holds up a small plate to give to Homer but he is already taking a tray from the buffet table]''
:'''Kitchen staff member''': Please, don’t take the steam tray! Sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Laura''': ''[finding out some nincompoop teleported in Texas at an arcade]'' If I hit the &quot;remorse&quot; button one more time, I would've made it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[It is now 6:00 at night and Homer is still eating relentlessly as Marge is sleeping across the table from him. The staff members and the Sea Captain watch in awe]''
:'''Teenage waiter''': That man ate all our shrimp and two plastic lobsters. 
:'''Sea Captain''': 'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eating machine. Argh. ''[walks over to Marge and Homer]'' 6 bells, time for closing. 
:'''Homer''': Can't talk. Eating. 
:'''Sea Captain''': Fairly warned be thee, says I. ''[he snaps his fingers and two waiters drag Homer out of the restaurant as he is still eating]''
:'''Homer''': Hey. Hey! Hey! ''[runs back to the buffet table, starts shovelling food with his hands and the waiters drag him out again as Marge follows on foot]'' But the sign said &quot;All You Can Eat&quot;!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant.
:'''Marge''': We pretty much went straight home.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath.
:'''Marge''': We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': And when you couldn't find any?
:'''Marge''': ''[crying]'' We went fishing!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[to the jury]'' Do these sound like the actions of a man who'd had all he could eat?
:'''The Jury''': ''[all of whom are incredibly obese]'' No!
:'''One Particular Fat Juror''': That could have been '''me!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Zookeeper! Zookeeper, those two monkeys are killing each other!
:'''Zookeeper''': ''[quietly, to Homer's ear]'' &lt;small&gt;They're having sex.&lt;/small&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Maybe you're right. Now, if you'll excuse us... ''[Marge leaves]'' this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father. Son, a woman is a lot like, um... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and-- Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good. They look good. You'd step over your own mother just to get one! ''[drinks his can of Duff Beer]'' But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman. ''[grabs another can of Duff Beer from the refrigerator]''
:''(hours later, the kitchen table is littered with beer cans. Homer is visibly drunk while Bart has lost interest in the conversation)''
:'''Homer''' ''(drunkenly)'': ...so I sez, &quot;Yeah? If you want that money, come and find it, 'cuz I don't where it is, ya baloney! ''You'' make me wanna ''retch''!&quot; ''(falls asleep, snoring)''

===''[[w:Mr. Plow|Mr. Plow]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[angry]'' Mr. West, you said there was a job for me.
:'''[[Adam West]]''': There was. When I called you, ''[camera zooms in dramatically]'' 45 minutes ago.
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': So long, Superman, your secret identity is safe with me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak. Our own Arnie Pye is on the scene.
:'''[[w:List of media personalities in The Simpsons#Arnie Pye|Arnie Pye]]''': ''[live remote, in a helicopter]'' Everything's snowed in, all I can see is white!
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[impatiently]'' Arnie, please. The ski conditions.
:'''Pye''': ''[now upside-down]'' Mayday, mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain! Tell my wife I love-- ''[picture fuzzes out]''
:'''Brockman''': ''[chuckles]'' That's great, Arnie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[signing his jingle]'' ''Call Mr. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!''

===''[[w:Lisa's First Word|Lisa's First Word]]''===
:'''Marge''': Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say mama?
:'''Bart''': Can you say get bent?
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': Mr. Rogers says all the time.
:'''Marge''': He does not.
:'''Homer''': Maggie, can you say daddy? Daddy.
:'''Marge''': Kitty. Kitty.
:'''Lisa''': Be-bop. Be-bop.
:'''Bart''': Shove it. Shove it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart:''' Homer!
:'''Homer:''' ''[laughs, picks up Bart]'' Homer is what grown-ups call me. Call me Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy.
:'''Bart:''' Da-- Da-- Da--.
:'''Homer:''' Yes.
:'''Bart:''' Domer. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[turns red in anger]'' Why you little... ''[angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey, Homer, this house sucks!
:'''Homer''': Bart, I told you not to use that word. Call me daddy!
:'''Bart''': Homer, nah!
:''[Homer angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Krusty has just announced Krusty Burger's Olympic sweepstakes]''
:'''Krusty''': Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?
:'''Company Agent''': Not to worry, Mr. K, we've rigged the cards; they're all in events that Communists never lose.
:'''Krusty''': ''[satisfied]'' I like, I like!
:'''Aide''': This just came in over the wires, Big K! ''[hands him a paper sheet]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[reading]'' &quot;[[w:1984 Summer Olympics boycott|Soviet boycott]], U.S. unopposed in most events&quot;. How does this affect our giveaway?
:'''Company Agent''': Let's see. ''[punches numbers into a calculator]'' You personally stand to lose 44 million dollars.
:''[Krusty sobs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': Welcome back to this, the final day of the 23rd Olympiad, brought to you by Krusty Burger.
:'''Krusty''': ''[furious]'' YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS! ''[sobs]'' I personally am gonna spit in every 50th burger!
:'''Homer''': ''[surrounded by piles of free Krusty Burgers]'' I like those odds.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is in the hospital the day Lisa is born. Lisa is in her bassinet while Homer talks to her and Marge reads &quot;Fretful Mother&quot; magazine]''
:'''Homer''': Little Lisa. I've already started you a college fund at Lincoln Savings and Loan.
:'''Marge''': According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her.
:'''Homer''': Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are discussing moving out]''
:'''Marge''': I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.
:'''Homer''': No, we won't. I got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib, and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
:'''Marge''': Won't that warp him?
:'''Homer''': My cousin Frank did it.
:'''Marge''': You don't have a cousin Frank.
:'''Homer''': He became Francine in '76, then he joined that cult. I think his name is &quot;Mother Shabubu&quot; now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby.
:'''Marge''': I'm sorry, Bart. You're too little.
:'''Homer''': Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. ''[he places his can of beer on Bart's head]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Homer''': What?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I was sitting there!
:'''Lisa''': I don't see your name on it!
:'''Bart''': It's right there!
:'''Marge''': Bart, don't write on the rug.
:'''Lisa''': Ha-ha. Mom yelled at you.
:'''Bart''': Did not.
:'''Lisa''': Did too.
:'''Homer''': You know, Maggie, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. ''[he puts Maggie to bed]'' I hope you never say a word. ''[switches the light off, closes the door]''
:'''Maggie''': ''[pulls her pacifier out of her mouth]'' Daddy. ''[puts her pacifier back on her mouth and goes to sleep as the episode ends; credits showrunner appears; starting the credits. After the credits, Gracie Films logo appears and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:Homer's Triple Bypass|Homer's Triple Bypass]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We feel neither highs or lows.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Really? What's it like?
:'''Lisa''': ''[shrugs]'' Eh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Hey hey! ''[goofy laugh]'' ''[Homer grunts in pain; clutching his chest.]'' Hey, what's the matter? Oh, right. My grotesque appearance!
:'''Homer''': Krusty, why are you here?
:'''Krusty''': Eh, it's part of my public service for my &quot;[[wikipedia:Drunk driving|Glug-glug, vroom-vroom]], [[w:Vehicular manslaughter|thump-thump]].&quot;
:'''Homer''': Well, I could use a laugh.
:'''Krusty''': Well, there's nothing funny about what you're about to go through. I know! ''[Takes off his shirt, revealing a pacemaker scar.]'' I'm in the zipper club myself! ''[lights a cigarette]''
:'''Homer''': You seem pretty healthy.
:'''Krusty''': Yeah? Well I got news for ya: this ain't makeup!

===''[[w:Marge vs. the Monorail|Marge vs. the Monorail]]''===
:'''Lyle Lanley''': You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it.
:''[Everyone laughs except Homer who at first doesn't get the joke]''
:'''Homer''': Heh-heh, mule.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': The name's Lanley, Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest —Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Shelbyville idea.
:'''Mayor Quimby''': Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': All right, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll ''show'' you my idea. I give you the Springfield Monorail! ''[everyone gasps]'' I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum, it put them on the map! Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified six-car monorail! What'd I say?
:'''Ned''': Monorail!
:'''Lyle''': What's it called?
:'''Patty and Selma''': Monorail.
:'''Lyle''': That's right, monorail! ''[the crowd starts chanting &quot;monorail&quot; as Lyle begins to play piano]''
:'''Ms. Hoover''': I hear those things are awfully loud.
:'''Lyle''': It glides as softly as a cloud!
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': Is there a chance the track could bend?
:'''Lyle''': Not on your life, my Hindu friend!
:'''Barney''': What about us brain-dead slobs?
:'''Lyle''': You'll be given cushy jobs!
:'''Abe Simpson''': Were you sent here by the Devil?
:'''Lyle''': No, good sir, I'm on the level!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': The ring came off my pudding can.
:'''Lyle''': Take my pen knife, my good man! I swear it's Springfield's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! ('''Lyle''': What's it called?) Monoraaaaaaail!! ('''Lyle''': Once again!) Monoraaaaaaail!!!
:'''Marge''': But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
:'''Bart''': Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! Monoraaaaaaail!! Monoraaaaaaail!!! MONORAIL!
:'''Homer''': Mono... ''[realizes the song is over]'' D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge opens the fire extinguisher cabinet, sees a mother opossum with four offspring sleeping, who then start hissing]''
:'''Marge''': Homer, there's a family of possums in here!
:'''Homer''': I call the big one Bitey.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A solar eclipse forms outside]''
:'''[[Leonard Nimoy]]''': A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet... goes on.
:'''Male Passenger''': Does anyone want to switch seats?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lyle Lanley tries to escape on a plane with Springfield’s money]''
:'''Pilot''': Folks, this is your captain speaking. Our nonstop flight to Tahiti will be making a brief layover in North Haverbrook.
:'''Lyle''': North Haverbrook. Where have I heard that name before? ''[suddenly remembers]'' Oh, no. '''Oh, no!'''
:'''Man with pitchfork''': There he is! Seat 3-F!
:''[The angry citizens of North Haverbrook beat Lyle Lanley with many items]''

===''[[w:Selma's Choice|Selma's Choice]]''===
''(Homer, Bart, and Lisa are getting ready for Duff Gardens)''
:'''Homer''': Now what do we say when we get to the ticket booth?
:'''Bart''' and '''Lisa''' ''(in unison)'': We're under six.
:'''Homer''': And I'm a college student. ''(chuckles)''
:''(Marge comes in, upset)''
:'''Marge''': Kids, I've got some bad news. Your great-aunt Gladys has...passed on.
:'''Bart''' ''(running through his head who Great-Aunt Gladys is)'': Gladys...Gladys. About yea-high ''(puts his hand where his eyes  are)'', blue hair, big dent in her forehead?
:'''Marge''': No, honey. Gladys looked more like your Aunt Patty.
:'''Bart''' ''(stares blankly, then shudders)'': Ugh! Oh, yeah. There she is.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': The funeral is in Littleneck Falls. Looks like we'll have to go to Duff Gardens another time.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We understand.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': No use complaining about something you can't change.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': But I wanna go to Duff Gardens. Right now!
:'''Marge''': Homer, quit pouting.
:'''Homer''': I'm not pouting. I'm mourning. ''(to himself)'': Stupid dead woman.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hans Moleman''': ''[reading an eye chart at the DMV and failing]'' R...Q...J...question mark...smiley face...
:''[cut to Selma stamping &quot;VOID&quot; on Hans' driver's license]''
:'''Selma Bouvier''': Next! ''(double checks the license)'': Wait a minute. It says here you're single.
:'''Hans Moleman'''  ''(scared)'': Did I do wrong?
:'''Hans''': ''[cut to Selma and Hans at a fancy restaurant. Hans is trying to read the menu]'' Combed, biscuits, chicken, yellow, mailman.
:'''Waitress''': You're reading the wine list, sir.
:'''Hans''': Very good.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(Selma comes back from her date with Hans Moleman)''
:'''Marge''': Selma, your date's over already?
:'''Selma''': Yeah. I was so depressed, I ate a jar of expired olives. ''(sighs)'': I guess I'll never have a baby.
:'''Lisa''' ''(as she's watching a Duff Gardens commercial where Lance Murdock and a bunch of unnamed riders are being knocked back and forth on a large version of a Newton's cradle)'': Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, but have you ever considered artificial insemination.
:'''Homer''' ''(giggles)'': Boy, I don't know. You've got to be pretty desperate to make it with a robot. 
:''(Marge whispers in Homer's ear what artificial insemination really is)''
:'''Homer''': I knew that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey Lise, I dare you to drink the water.
:'''Lisa''' ''(looks down at the water they're floating on. It is a dark brown, sludgy mess)'': I'm not sure that ''is'' water...
:'''Bart''': Chicken. ''[begins clucking loudly]''
:'''Lisa''': Quit it, Bart. Quit it! QUIT IT, QUIT IT!
:'''Selma''': Bart, be quiet! Lisa, drink the water!
:''(Lisa bends down and drinks some from her cupped hands. She groans as her grip on reality starts to slip. She stares at the Dutch girl robots)''
:'''Dutch Girl Robots''' ''(begins to sound discordant and ominous)'': Duff Beer for me/Duff Beer for you...''(Lisa blinks and her eyes go white and hollow)'': I'll have a Duff...Duff...Duff... ''(the Dutch girl robots fade away into the darkness)''
:''(the darkness of the ride is now punctuated with strange lights as Lisa begins acting paranoid)''
:'''Lisa''': They're all around me! No way out! ''(cackles insanely)'': NO WAY OUT, I TELL YOU! ''(grabs Selma by her dress collar)''
:'''Selma''' ''(as a 1960s Jimi Hendrix-style rock version of the &quot;Duff Beer for Me&quot; jingle plays and Lisa sees Selma as a multi-eyed monster with green skin)'': What's wrong? Ah, you just put your head right here. ''(sticks out her shoulder. The shoulder suddenly grows a mouth and snarls. The mouth on Selma's shoulder turns into Lisa's screaming mouth. Zoom out to reveal Lisa swinging an oar at Selma and Bart)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Bart gets rescued from The Barrel Roll. Selma is speaking with the security guard as Bart is trying to keep his eyes open]''
:'''Selma''': Don't blame these kids. ''[groans]'': It's not their fault. I think their father is missing a chromosome.
:'''Security Guard #1''': Miss Bouvier, while we were rescuing this boy, hoodlums made off with three bumper cars!
:''[cut to Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney -- who were previously arrested for being a roaming gang in the second Duff Gardens commercial -- driving down the road on three detached bumper cars that somehow are still functioning, laughing as they ride off into the sunset, past a sign that says &quot;Leaving Duff Gardfns&quot;]''
:''[cut back to the security shack]''
:'''Security Guard #1''': And I don't think George Washington will ever be the same.
:''[cut to a robotics engineer trying to fix the George Washington robot from the Duff Hall of Presidents, which is now reduced to just his head, only to back away as it starts jabbering]''
:''[a second security guard and a man in a white doctor's coat come in with a pale and jittery Lisa, clad in only a towel]''
:'''Security Guard''' ''[as Lisa's hollow eyes dart frantically and her skin color goes from white to pale yellow]'': We found ''this''  one swimming ''naked'' in the Fermentarium. 
:'''Lisa''': I ''AM'' THE LIZARD ''QUEEN''!
:'''White-coated Man''': Give her this...''[gives Selma two pills]''...and this...''[gives her two more as Lisa is shivering]''...and then these. ''[gives her an entire handful]''
:'''Selma''': Thank you, doctor.
:'''White-coated Man''': Oh, I'm not a doctor.

===''[[w:Brother from the Same Planet|Brother from the Same Planet]]''===
:''[Bart's class is having Show and Tell]''
:'''Bart''': Someday, I want to be an F-14 pilot like my hero, Tom. He lent me this new weapon called a neural disrupter.
:''[Bart demonstrates the sheer power of the neural disrupter by shooting it at Martin's forehead]''
:'''Martin''': Hey...
:''[falls down on the ground, twitching]''
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': He's not dead, is he Bart?
:'''Bart''': Nah, but I wouldn't give him any homework for awhile.
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Very good, Bart. Thank you.
:'''Bart''': Oh, don't thank me. Thank an unprecedented [[Ronald Reagan|eight-year military build-up]].
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Mmm. Milhouse, you're next.
:'''Milhouse''': Uh, I have a horsey.
:''[mimics his toy horse neighing weakly which then trails off]''
:'''Nelson''': Wuss!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[during Krusty's monologue on ''Tuesday Night Live'']''
:'''Krusty''': We got a great show for ya. Well, actually, the last half-hour is a real garbage dump! ''[sighs]'': We'll be right back.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the band from ''Tuesday Night Live'' plays before going to commercial]'':
:'''Bart''': I miss Joe Piscopo.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': This just in, a fist-fight is in progress in downtown Springfield. Initial reports indicate, and these are very preliminary, that one of the fighters is a giant lizard. ''[shot of [[Godzilla]] appears in the background.]'' Do we have a source on this? Uh-huh, a bunch of drunken frat boys. All right, I could use some names. &quot;I.P Freely&quot;. Uh... ''[realizes]'' Grrr!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[after Bart comes home]'' Hello, son. Where have you been? 
:'''Bart''': Playing with Milhouse.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' No, you haven't! You've been out gallivanting around with that floozy of a bigger brother of yours! Haven't you? Haven't you? Look at me! 
:'''Bart''': Dad, it just kind of happened. You're taking this too hard.
:'''Homer''': How would you like me to take it? Go ahead, Bart. Have your fun. I'll be waiting for you? I'm sorry. I can't do it!  
:'''Bart''': Well, what are you gonna do?
:'''Homer''': Oh-ho. You'll see.

===''[[w:I Love Lisa|I Love Lisa]]''===
:''[Lisa opens a package from Ralph.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': A Malibu Stacy convertible! ''[she finds a note from Ralph]'' &quot;Look in the tunk.&quot; He must mean &quot;trunk&quot;. ''[opens trunk]'' Two tickets to the Krusty Anniversary Show! Oh, he must want me to go with him.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': That's not fair! I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty Home Pregnancy test!
:'''Lisa''': I'm not sure if I ''should'' go. I don't even like him.
:'''Bart''': You're right, Lis. You shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest. I'll go disguised as you.
:'''Lisa''': But what if he wants to hold hands?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to kiss?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to--
:'''Bart''': You don't want to know how far I'll go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(as Chief Wiggum is driving Ralph and Lisa to the Krusty the Clown Show 29th Anniversary Special)''
:'''Lisa''': Chief Wiggum, how'd you ever get these tickets?
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Krusty knows how to play ball.
:''(Flashback: Establishing shot of the Springfield-X porno theater as raunchy, guitar-backed porno music plays. The buzzing marquee reads: &quot;Now Playing: Debbie Does Springfield&quot;. Cut to inside where Krusty the Clown is watching the movie. Chief Wiggum comes in and takes a seat behind Krusty while eating from a bucket of popcorn)''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Ah, nothing beats a good porno movie.
:'''Krusty''' ''(recognizes the voice and turns back to face Wiggum with fear in his voice)'': Chief Wiggum?! Is this a bust?
:'''Chief Wiggum''' ''(unable to answer the question honestly)'': Uh...yeah. That's just what it is: a bust.
:''(cut back to Lisa talking to Wiggum from the back seat of his police cruiser)''
:'''Lisa''': That story isn't suitable for children.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Really? I keep my pants on in this version.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Determined to avenge Ralph for being harshly spurned by Lisa, Chief Wiggum pulls Homer over.]''
:'''Homer''': Is there a problem, officer?
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Yep. Got a tail-light out.
:'''Homer''': Where?
:'''Wiggum''': ''[smashes a tail-light]'' Right there.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops!
:'''Wiggum''': ''[alarmed]'' They are? Oh no! Have they set a date?

===''[[w:Duffless|Duffless]]''===
''(Homer is escaping from work so he and Barney can go to the Duff Brewery. Homer jumps out the window after he hits a giant spider on the head with a rock. Barney is outside, waiting in his car that has a mattress tied to the roof to ensure Homer lands safely)''
:'''Barney''': Hey, that looks like Princess Di! ''(pulls up to get a better look, not noticing that Homer has hit the ground)'': Oh, wait. That's just a pile of rags.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At an [[w:Alcoholics Anonymous|Alcoholics Anonymous]]  meeting.]''
:'''[[w:Otto Mann|Otto]]''': My name is Ot-to. I ''love'' to get blot-to.
:'''[[w:Hans Moleman|Hans Moleman]]''': My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm ''31'' years old.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': My name is Homer and I'm just here because the court made me come.
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again. 
:''[Homer immediately screams and jumps through a window.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[singing as he pours his six pack of Duff down the sink]'' [[w:It Was A Very Good Year|When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.]]

===''[[w:Last Exit to Springfield|Last Exit to Springfield]]''===
:''[Mr. Burns and Smithers watch Homer tear up the union contract on a hidden camera]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Who is that firebrand, Smithers?
:'''Smithers''': That's Homer Simpson, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Simpson, eh? New man?
:'''Smithers''': Actually, sir, [[w:Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish|he thwarted your campaign for governor]], [[w:Bart Gets Hit By a Car|you ran over his son]], [[w:Homer Defined|he saved the plant from meltdown]], [[w:Brush with Greatness|his wife painted you in the nude]]...
: '''Mr. Burns''': ...Eh, doesn't ring a bell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Cool! She'll be a freak.
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': We can stick her in a trailer, drive her around the South and charge two bits a gander.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': We don't have to be adversaries, Homer! We ''both'' want a fair union contract!
:'''Homer''': ''[internally]'' ''Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!
:'''Homer''': ''Wait a minute... is he coming onto me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
:'''Homer''': ''My God, he is coming onto me!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': After all... ''negotiations make strange bedfellows''! ''[chuckles, clicks his tongue and winks]''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]''
:'''Homer''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these [[w:Sodomy|backdoor shenanigans]]. Sure, I'm flattered – maybe even a little curious – But the answer is no!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa:''' Do you really think you can get our dental plan back?
:'''Homer:''' Well, that depends on who's the better negotiator, Mr. Burns or me...
:'''Bart:''' Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old Danish.
:'''Homer:''' Done and done! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Burns has called in an elderly strikebreaking team led by Grampa Simpson.]''
:'''Grampa''': We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. ''[other strikebreakers mutter in agreement]'' One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville: I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. &quot;Gimme five bees for a quarter,&quot; you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because o' the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

===''[[w:So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show|So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show]]''===
:'''Bart''': You're going down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you!
:'''Homer''': You talk better than you fool.
:'''Bart''': I'll fool you up real nice.
:'''Homer''': You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Mmm… beer.
:''[While the thermostat is set to very high levels, Homer begins to open the can of beer Bart had shaken up with a paint mixer.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': April F- ''[an explosion of beer blows out the windows and roof of the Simpsons' house and takes the shape of a mushroom cloud, Lou and Chief Wiggum stop the police car.]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Eddie and Lou|Lou]]''': That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
:'''[[w:Clancy Wiggum|Chief Wiggum]]''': Forget it! That's two blocks away.
:'''Lou''': ''[squints]'' Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[gets out of the car]'' I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
:'''Lou''': ''[into radio as Wiggum runs towards the cloud]'' We need pretzels! Repeat, pretzels!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Dr. Hibbert|Dr. Hibbert]]''': Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. ''[Simpson family gasps except for Marge, Bart and Lisa, laughs]'' April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': I, uh, brought you a little present. ''[gives Homer a can of beer]''
:'''Homer''': No. No! Beer bring pain!
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': I can't stand to see him like that this. ''[Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away]''
:'''Moe''': He really needs a girlfriend.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Grampa Simpson|Grampa]]''': Poor Homer. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.
:'''Homer''': ''[gargles]'' Rrraaahhh…
:'''Grampa''': ''Ah!'' Kill it! ''Kill it''!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Grampa, please, he's in a coma.
:'''Grampa''': Coma? Pffft. Why, I go in and out of comas all the- ''[falls asleep, pauses, wakes up]'' French toast, please.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Is a coma painful?
:'''Grampa''': Oh, heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girl from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': ''[bursts thru the ward]'' This man is costing my health plan $5000 a day! I demand that Joe die with dignity. ''[he plugs the plug]''
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': Now, look, I'm the doctor here.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well, I demand a second opinion.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Dr. Nick|Dr. Nick]]''': ''[pops in]'' Hi, everybody!
:'''All''': Hi, Dr. Nick! ''[Nick pokes Homer's abdomen with a reflex hammer]''
:'''Homer''': ''[squeaks]'' Mrrh.
:'''Dr. Nick''': Oh dear, I see no signs of life. Just to be safe, we better pull the plug.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yoink!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Dad, it's all my fault. I shook up that can of beer. It was just an April Fools joke.
:''[Life support machine starts to change from showing Homer's life signs to outlines of Bart. His mouth begins to form a growl, his fingers twitch and his eyes slowly open in anger.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[angrily turns red]'' Why, you little--!! ''[grabs Bart and proceeds to strangle him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': You lost 5% of your brain.
:'''Homer''': Me lose brain? Uh-oh! ''[Everyone including Homer laughs]'' Why I laugh?
:''[The episode ends, showrunner appears. The credits begins. After the credits, Gracie Films and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:The Front (The Simpsons)|The Front]]''===

:''[after watching the listless and boring ''Itchy &amp; Scratchy'' episode &quot;Dazed and Contused&quot;]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[takes an angry puff from his cigarette]'' Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...''[notices the cameras are on him]'': Ha, ha! Hey, wow! Wasn't that great, kids?
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': That's as bad as the tasteless &quot;Itchy &amp; Sambo&quot; cartoons of the late '30s. The writers should be ashamed of themselves.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Cartoons have writers?
:'''Lisa''': Eh, sort of.
:'''Bart''': Oh yeah? Well you and I could write a better cartoon than that.
:'''Lisa''': Write a cartoon ourselves? Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
:'''Bart''': Probably not. ''[in his mind, Bart is thinking about holding Santa Claus at gunpoint]'' Lie in the snow and count to 60. ''[Bart leaps into the sleigh and cracks the reins]'' Hiyah! ''[laughs evilly as he flies into the distance]'' Merry Christmas, suckers!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer's Brain''': This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.
:'''Homer''': Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
:'''Marge''': Oh, my God!
:'''Homer's Brain''': No, the other secret!
:'''Homer''': Marge, I never graduated from high school.
:'''Marge''': Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap... Wait, maybe it does...
:'''Homer''': I never passed Remedial Science 1-A.
:'''Marge''' ''[concerned]'' And '''''you're''''' a nuclear technician?
:'''Homer''': Marge, [[w:Pig latin|ix-nay on the uclear-nay echnician-tay]]!
:'''Marge''': What did you say?
:'''Homer''' ''[upset]'' I don't know. I flunked Latin, too!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''' ''[as she's going over the mail]'': Third notice? ''Final'' notice? &quot;Some guys are coming&quot;?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[typing a letter]'': &quot;Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am '''''not'''''  a crackpot.&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[as he's typing out a complaint letter]'': &quot;When I read your magazine, I don't see one wrinkled face or single toothless grin. For ''shame''. To the sickos at ''Modern Bride'' magazine...&quot;

===''[[w:Whacking Day|Whacking Day]]''===
:''[Bart and the bullies make their way to Utility Basement B looking for mountain bikes.]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Hey, what gives? Where are the mountain bikes?
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': ''[appears]'' Sorry about the ruse, gentlemen. You're being swept under the rug for the superintendent's visit. Enjoy. ''[closes the door and locks them in]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Jimbo Jones|Jimbo]]''': How are we going to get out of here?
:'''Nelson''': And when are we going to get our mountain bikes?
:'''Principal Skinner''': ''[outside of the room]'' Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
:'''[[w:Groundskeeper Willie|Groundskeeper Willie]]''': Nay, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
:'''Principal Skinner''': Wise counsel, William, but the potty talk adds nothing.
:'''Willie''': Aye, sir. ''[under his breath]'' Ye bath-takin', underpants-wearin', lily-hugger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Springfield residents track down the snakes to the Simpson place, but Lisa wants a stop to the killing.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Now wait a minute! How could you do this to snakes after all they've done for you?
:'''[[w:Abraham Simpson|Grandpa]]''': I'm an old man. I hate everything but ''[[w:Matlock|Matlock]]''. Ooh, it's on now.
:'''Lisa''': Mrs. Glick, who killed all the rats in your basement?
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Mrs. Glick|Mrs. Glick]]''': Snake did.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': And you love snakes, don't you Mr. White?
:'''[[w:Barry White|Barry White]]''': I love the sexy slither of a lady snake. Oh baby.

===''[[w:Marge in Chains|Marge in Chains]]''===
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I-- Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Is that bad?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
:'''Marge''': You did?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, replace the word &quot;kinda&quot; with the word &quot;repeatedly&quot;, and the word &quot;dog&quot; with &quot;son.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot she was carrying that bottle of ''[looks at bottle]'' delicious... bourbon... brownest of the brown liquors... ''[hugs bottle]'' so tempting... ''[puts the bottle to his ear]'' What's that?  You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial. Excuse me. ''[Hutz rushes out of courtroom to call his best friend]'' Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
:'''[[David Crosby|Crosby]]''': Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
:'''Hutz''': I love you too, man.

===''[[w:Krusty Gets Cancelled|Krusty Gets Kancelled]]''===
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Every time you watch my show, I will send you $40! ''[holds up check to audience]''
:'''Man''': ''[quick voice-over]'' Checks will not be honored.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, would you guys be interested in a Krusty the Clown comeback special?
:'''[[w:Flea (musician)|Flea]]''': Sure, if you can get us out of this gig.
:'''Bart''': No problemo. Hey, Moe! Look over there! ''[Bart points to a blank wall]''
:'''Moe''': What? What am I looking at? I don't see anything. Gonna stop looking now! What, is that it...?
:'''Homer''': Hey, Moe, can I look too?
:'''Moe''': Sure, but it'll cost you.
:'''Homer''': My wallet's in the car!
:'''Moe''': ''[chuckles]'' He is so stupid. And now back to the wall!

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 04}}

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      <text bytes="53191" sha1="dln3pzrms6fy43nxdrhziylnl9fiqgk" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Simpsons''/Season 4}}
{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

===''[[w:Kamp Krusty|Kamp Krusty]]''===
:'''Lisa''': You're serving us gruel?
:'''Dolph''': Not quite. ''[pulls out a large drum of gruel with Krusty's face on the front]'' This is Krusty-Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Krusty has arrived at the camp to deal with the Bart-led riot]''
:'''Bart''': How could you, Krusty? I'd never lend my name to an inferior product.
:'''Krusty''': ''[crying]'' They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone!
:'''Bart''': Krusty, this camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[sobs]''
:'''Bart''': Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
:'''Krusty''': Was it a nice hat?
:'''Bart''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Krusty''': OH MY GOD!! ''[continues sobbing]''

===''[[w:A Streetcar Named Marge|A Streetcar Named Marge]]''===
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Hello! I am Llewelyn Sinclair! I have directed three plays in my career and I have had three heart attacks. That's how much I care, I am planning for a fourth.
:'''Marge''': Hmm, maybe I should have taken a nice calligraphy class.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, forget it, that Mr. Takahashi's a lunatic.
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': Quiet!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Sorry. 
:'''Llewelyn Sinclair''': I'm not an easy man to work for. While directing ''Hats Off to Chanukkah'', I reduced more than one cast member to tears. Did I expect too much from fourth-graders? The review &quot;Play enjoyed by all&quot;... ''[holds up an elementary school newspaper with said headline]'' speaks for itself.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hmm.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Are there any jive-talking robots in this play?
:'''Marge''': I don't think so.
:'''Homer''': Bart, don't ask stupid questions. ''[to Marge]'' Is there any frontal nudity?
:'''Marge''': ''[sighs]'' No, Homer.
:''[Back in Springfield Community Center]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy''': My name is Helen Lovejoy. I'm been playing Stella.
:'''Apu''': I am Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. I played Steve.
:'''Otto''': My name is Otto! I'm playing Pablo!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!
:'''Marge''': I'm Marge Simpson. I'm played Blanche. I'm make some peanut butter brownies for anyone.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Opening number of &quot;Oh, Streetcar!&quot;]''
:''[The curtain rises revealing Chief Wiggum standing in front of a set resembling the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesars%20Superdome New Orleans Superdome]
:'''Chief Wiggum as chorus member''': 
:Long before the Superdome, 
:Where the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New%20Orleans%20Saints Saints of football] play, 
:There’s a city that the damned call home,
:Hear their hellish rondelet...
:''[The set rotates revealing a New Orleans street set surrounded by the other chorus members]''
:'''Chorus members''': New Orleans! 
:Home of pirates, drunks, and whores, 
:New Orleans!
:Tacky, overpriced souvenir stores,
:If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip,
:To the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip'
:New Orleans!
:Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile,
:New Orleans!
:Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul,
:New Orleans!
:Crummy, lousy, rancid and rank,
:New Orleans!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[Introduction of Blanche DuBois played by Marge]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy as Stella''': ''[To Blanche]'' ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' What's the matter, honey? Are you lost?
:'''Marge as Blanche''': ''[In a New Orleans accent]'' I'm looking for my sister, Stella.
:'''Lisa''': ''[In the audience]'' It's mom! 
:''[Homer, Bart and Maggie look up to see Marge is now on stage]''
:'''Blanche''': My name is Blanche DuBois. 
:''[singing]'' I thought my life would be a Mardi Gras...
:A never-ending party... ''[pause]'' Ha!
:I'm a faded Southern dame without a dime...
:'''Apu as Steve the paperboy''' I am collecting for the evening star.
:'''Blanche''': Come here, I wanna kiss you just once... softly and sweetly...on your mouth...
:'''Steve''': ''[singing]'' I am just a simple paperboy, no romance do I seek..
:I just wanted forty cents, for my deliveries last week...
:Will this bewitching floozy...
:Seduce this humble newsie?
:Oh, what's a paperboy to... doooooo?
:''[Blanche kisses him]'' Woo-hoo!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
:''[&quot;Stanley's torment&quot; musical number]''
:'''Ned as Stanley''': ''[yelling]'' '''Stella! STELLLAAAA!'''  
:''[singing]'' Can't you hear me YELLA!
:You're puttin' me through HELLA!  '''Stella...  STELLLAAAA!'''

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Blache flies around the stage in anguish surrounded by red fog and lasers]''
:'''Bart''': ''[in the audience]'' Cool! She can fly!
:'''Lisa''': I think it's supposed to symbolize her decent into madness

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Closing number]''
:'''Blanche''': Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers...
:''[song begins]''
:'''Chorus''': You can always depend on the kindness of strangers, to pluck up your spirits, and shield you from dangers.
:'''Blanche''': Now here's a tip from Blanche you won't regret.
:'''Chorus''': ''[waving good-bye to Blanche as she exits stage right on a motorized streetcar prop]'' 
:A stranger's just a friend you haven't met.
:You ha-ven't met...
:Streetcar!
:''[The curtain falls on the performance and the audience cheers wildly while giving a standing ovation]''

===''[[w:Homer the Heretic|Homer the Heretic]]''===
:''[Groundskeeper Willie tries to unfreeze the church doors with a blowtorch.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': How's that door coming, Willie?
:'''Groundskeeper Willie''': [[Miracles]] are your department, Reverend.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[God appears in Homer's dream, ripping the roof off his house.]''
:'''Homer''': God ...?
:'''God''': ''[points finger at Homer] '''Thou hast forsaken My church!'''''
:'''Homer''': Well, kind of, but-
:'''God''': '''But what?!'''
:'''Homer''': I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?
:'''God''': ''[stops himself]'' Hmm, you've got a point there. ''[sits beside Homer]'' Sometimes, even I would rather be watching football. Does St. Louis still have a team?
:'''Homer''': No, [[w:Arizona Cardinals|they moved to Phoenix]].
:'''God''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Homer''': You know what I really hate about church? Those boring sermons.
:'''God''': ''[sighs]'' I couldn't agree more, that Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. I think I'll give him a canker sore.
:'''Homer''': Give him one for me.
:'''God''': I will. ''[pets Snowball II]''
:'''Homer''': So I figure I should just try to live right and worship You in my own way.
:'''God''': Homer, it's a deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Homer's friends save him from his burning house.]''
:'''Homer''': The Lord is vengeful! ''[falls to his knees]'' O Spiteful One! Show me who to smite, and they shall be smoten!
:'''Ned''': ''[chuckles]'' Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they ''[points to Ned]'' Christian, ''[Krusty]'' Jew, or ''[Apu]'' ...miscellaneous.
:'''Apu''': Hindu! There ''are'' 700 million of us.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': ''[condescendingly]'' Aw, that's super.
:'''Homer''': I was rude to every one of you. And you saved my life when you could've just left me to fry like the proverbial pancake that I am.
:'''Marge''': Aw, Homer! I'm so glad to hear you say that.

===''[[w:Lisa the Beauty Queen|Lisa the Beauty Queen]]''===
:'''Kent Brockman''': Scott, everyone is here from the Mayor's illegitimate son to our own ''[camera focuses up]'' Duff blimp.
:'''Barney''': ''[aboard the Duff blimp]'' Hi. Can I drive?
:'''Pilot''': Well, I can't see the harm.
:''[Barney crashes the blimp into a nearby radio tower, causing the blimp to burst into flames.]''
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[looks away]'' [[w:Hindenburg disaster|Oh, the humanity!]] Anyway, to turn on the store's severe tire damage spikes, here's Little Miss Springfield.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': But it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under &quot;Do not write in this space,&quot; he wrote &quot;Okay.&quot;
:''[Homer and Lisa watch at home]''
:'''Homer''': If it wasn't for me, you'd still be queen. You must hate me.
:'''Lisa''': Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?
:'''Homer''': I dunno. Was I drunk?
:'''Lisa''': Possibly. But the point is, you wanted me to feel better about myself. And I do.
:'''Homer''': Really?
:'''Lisa''': Uh-huh.
:'''Homer''': Will you remember this the next time I wreck your life?
:'''Lisa''': It's a deal.
:''[They hug]''

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror III|Treehouse of Horror III]]''===
:''[First lines]''
:'''Homer''': ''[impersonating Alfred Hitchcock]'' Good evening. ''[normally]'' I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some crybabies out there - religious types, mostly - who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on, I dare you! ''[clucks, flaps his arms]'' Chicken!
:''[suddenly, the screen goes out. In darkness, a white dot is visible; offscreen]'' Hey!
:''[Footstep sounds heard]''
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' Homer, did you just call everyone &quot;chicken&quot;?
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' No. I swear on this Bible.
:'''Marge''': ''[offscreen]'' That's not a Bible, that's a book of carpet samples!
:''[The white dot disappears slowly]''
:'''Homer''': ''[offscreen]'' Ooh...fuzzy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Do you sell toys?
:'''Shopkeeper''': We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to tread. We also sell [[w:Frozen yogurt|frozen yogurt]],  which I call frogurt.
:'''Homer''': Well, I need something for my son's birthday.
:'''Shopkeeper''': Ah, perhaps this will please the gentleman. ''[picks up a Krusty the Clown doll]'' Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' Ooooh, that's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But it comes with a free frogurt!
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The frogurt is also cursed.
:'''Homer''': ''[worried]'' That's bad...
:'''Shopkeeper''': But you get your choice of topping.
:'''Homer''': ''[relieved]'' That's good!
:'''Shopkeeper''': The toppings contain [[w:Potassium benzoate|potassium benzoate]]. ''[Homer stares]'' That's bad.
:'''Homer''': Can I go now?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer runs naked across the kitchen, trying to escape the Krusty the Clown doll and pass by Marge, Patty, and Selma, who are having lunch. Patty and Selma stare, wide-eyed, then lower their eyelids in disgust as they put down their forks]''
:'''Patty''': There goes the last, lingering thread of my heterosexuality.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Krusty Doll Repair Guy''': Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to &quot;evil&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flanders''': ''[now a zombie]'' Hey Simpson, I'm feeling a might peckish! Mind if I chew your ear?
:''[Homer shoots Flanders]''
:'''Bart''': Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
:'''Homer''': ''[quizzically]'' He was a zombie?

===''[[w:Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie|Itchy &amp; Scratchy: The Movie]]''===
:'''Marge''': Now, be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
:'''Lisa''': What are we gonna have?
:'''Homer''': Well that depends on what your teachers say. If both of you have been good, pizza. If you've been bad, um...let's see, poison.
:'''Lisa''': What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
:'''Bart''': Poison pizza.
:'''Homer''': Oh no, I'm not making two stops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Gee, maybe they mean it this time. From now on, I guess I'd better straighten up and fly--
:'''Homer''': ''[opens Bart's bedroom door as he carrying a pizza box]''  Bart. Don't tell your mother, but I brought you some pizza. Just promise me you'll try to be good.
:'''Bart''': I promise.
:'''Homer''': That-a-boy. ''[leaves and closes Bart's bedroom door]''
:'''Bart''': ''[eating his pizza, chuckling]'' Sucker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[sings Jingle Bells while hammering on a mustard packets into the carpet]''
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily catches Bart]'' Bart! Why are you doing that?
:'''Bart''': I don't know.
:'''Homer''': Well, this time you must be punished!
:'''Bart''': Well, you could punish me, but--
:'''Homer''': No tricks, boy. I said I'm gonna punish you. And come hell or high water, I-- ''[he hears a ice cream truck]'' Wait a minute! ''[gasps]'' Ice cream truck! ''[runs out of the house and shoves children out of his way to get a ice cream]'' Me! Me! I was here first!
:''[Scene changes where Homer and Bart are sitting on a curb eating a ice cream outside of their house]''
:'''Homer''': Mmm. Now, what were we talking about, boy?
:'''Bart''': Uh, we were talking about the time you beat jury duty.
:'''Homer''': Oh, yeah. The trick is... to say you're prejudiced against all races.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
:'''Bart''': Not bloody likely.
:'''Homer''': No, it's true. When I was a boy, I wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
:'''Bart''': Dad, what's the point of this story?
:'''Homer''': I like stories.
:'''Bart''': Look, can I please go to the movie?
:'''Homer''': I know my punishment may seem a little harsh, but I can't go back on it. You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
:'''Bart''': TV sucks.
:'''Homer''': ''[low, angry voice]'' I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.

===''[[w:Marge Gets a Job|Marge Gets a Job]]''===
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Marge, I'm giving you a raise and a new office, right next to mine. ''[laughs]''
:'''Smithers''': But sir, that's my office.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Don't worry Smithers, I'm putting you where the action is.
:''[In the men's restroom, Smithers is cleaning the urinals with a toothbrush.]''
:'''Smithers''': Springtime fresh, winter white. What could be better?
:'''Homer''': ''[bursts in and unzips his fly.]'' Aw man, I really gotta...
:'''Smithers''': '''''NOOOOO!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': So do you think I have a case?
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice. ''[he produces a bottle from his desk]'' Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
:'''Marge''': It's 9:30 in the morning.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. ''[takes a generous swig]'' Last chance... ''[Homer and Marge don't respond. Hutz drains the bottle]'' Oh, yeah....

===''[[w:New Kid on the Block|New Kid on the Block]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[a dream cloud has himself making bacon on the beach]'' Oh. Bacon!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': This is where the Winfields hid their mutated son.
:'''Lisa''': Bart, the Winfields didn't have a son!
:'''Bart''': See that sock over there? It was his only friend. ''[high-pitched voice]'' Hello, Lisa. Here in the dark, you won't need those eyes.
:'''Lisa''': Bart! It's not funny!
:'''Bart''': There are some who say the monster is still... ''[flips his eyelids]'' HERE!!! ''[Lisa runs off, screaming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bart and Lisa are fighting while Homer is on the phone with a babysitter.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[to Bart and Lisa]'' Shut up, you little monsters!! ''[to the phone]'' I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels.
:''[On the other end of the line.]''
:'''Woman''': I'm sorry, this isn't Abby. This is her sister. I look after her now.
:''[Abby rocks in her chair and mumbles quietly to herself.]''
:'''Abby''': No, Bart... put it down... put it down, Bart... Bart, put it down.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Man at the Kabul''': Sometimes I think you want to fail!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are sitting at their table at The Frying Dutchman, a waiter is taking their order]''
:'''Waiter''': I’m sorry ma’am but everything on the menu has fish in it. 
:'''Marge''': What about the bread? Does that have much fish in it?
:'''Waiter''': Yes. 
:'''Marge''': Well, I have some Tic-Tacs in my purse ''[looking through her purse]''
:'''Waiter''': Excellent choice. ''[writes on his notepad then turns to Homer]'' And for the gentleman?
:'''Homer''': All you can eat! All you can eat!
:'''Waiter''': All right, when you’re ready, take this plate over- ''[holds up a small plate to give to Homer but he is already taking a tray from the buffet table]''
:'''Kitchen staff member''': Please, don’t take the steam tray! Sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Laura''': ''[finding out some nincompoop teleported in Texas at an arcade]'' If I hit the &quot;remorse&quot; button one more time, I would've made it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[It is now 6:00 at night and Homer is still eating relentlessly as Marge is sleeping across the table from him. The staff members and the Sea Captain watch in awe]''
:'''Teenage waiter''': That man ate all our shrimp and two plastic lobsters. 
:'''Sea Captain''': 'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eating machine. Argh. ''[walks over to Marge and Homer]'' 6 bells, time for closing. 
:'''Homer''': Can't talk. Eating. 
:'''Sea Captain''': Fairly warned be thee, says I. ''[he snaps his fingers and two waiters drag Homer out of the restaurant as he is still eating]''
:'''Homer''': Hey. Hey! Hey! ''[runs back to the buffet table, starts shovelling food with his hands and the waiters drag him out again as Marge follows on foot]'' But the sign said &quot;All You Can Eat&quot;!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant.
:'''Marge''': We pretty much went straight home.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath.
:'''Marge''': We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
:'''Lionel Hutz''': And when you couldn't find any?
:'''Marge''': ''[crying]'' We went fishing!
:'''Lionel Hutz''': ''[to the jury]'' Do these sound like the actions of a man who'd had all he could eat?
:'''The Jury''': ''[all of whom are incredibly obese]'' No!
:'''One Particular Fat Juror''': That could have been '''me!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Zookeeper! Zookeeper, those two monkeys are killing each other!
:'''Zookeeper''': ''[quietly, to Homer's ear]'' &lt;small&gt;They're having sex.&lt;/small&gt;
:'''Young Homer''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Maybe you're right. Now, if you'll excuse us... ''[Marge leaves]'' this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father. Son, a woman is a lot like, um... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and-- Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good. They look good. You'd step over your own mother just to get one! ''[drinks his can of Duff Beer]'' But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman. ''[grabs another can of Duff Beer from the refrigerator]''
:''(hours later, the kitchen table is littered with beer cans. Homer is visibly drunk while Bart has lost interest in the conversation)''
:'''Homer''' ''(drunkenly)'': ...so I sez, &quot;Yeah? If you want that money, come and find it, 'cuz I don't where it is, ya baloney! ''You'' make me wanna ''retch''!&quot; ''(falls asleep, snoring)''

===''[[w:Mr. Plow|Mr. Plow]]''===
:'''Homer''': ''[angry]'' Mr. West, you said there was a job for me.
:'''[[Adam West]]''': There was. When I called you, ''[camera zooms in dramatically]'' 45 minutes ago.
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': So long, Superman, your secret identity is safe with me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak. Our own Arnie Pye is on the scene.
:'''[[w:List of media personalities in The Simpsons#Arnie Pye|Arnie Pye]]''': ''[live remote, in a helicopter]'' Everything's snowed in, all I can see is white!
:'''Kent Brockman''': ''[impatiently]'' Arnie, please. The ski conditions.
:'''Pye''': ''[now upside-down]'' Mayday, mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain! Tell my wife I love-- ''[picture fuzzes out]''
:'''Brockman''': ''[chuckles]'' That's great, Arnie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[signing his jingle]'' ''Call Mr. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!''

===''[[w:Lisa's First Word|Lisa's First Word]]''===
:'''Marge''': Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say mama?
:'''Bart''': Can you say get bent?
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': Mr. Rogers says all the time.
:'''Marge''': He does not.
:'''Homer''': Maggie, can you say daddy? Daddy.
:'''Marge''': Kitty. Kitty.
:'''Lisa''': Be-bop. Be-bop.
:'''Bart''': Shove it. Shove it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart:''' Homer!
:'''Homer:''' ''[laughs, picks up Bart]'' Homer is what grown-ups call me. Call me Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy. 
:'''Bart:''' Homer. 
:'''Homer:''' Daddy.
:'''Bart:''' Da-- Da-- Da--.
:'''Homer:''' Yes.
:'''Bart:''' Domer. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[turns red in anger]'' Why you little... ''[angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey, Homer, this house sucks!
:'''Homer''': Bart, I told you not to use that word. Call me daddy!
:'''Bart''': Homer, nah!
:''[Homer angrily strangles Bart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Krusty has just announced Krusty Burger's Olympic sweepstakes]''
:'''Krusty''': Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?
:'''Company Agent''': Not to worry, Mr. K, we've rigged the cards; they're all in events that Communists never lose.
:'''Krusty''': ''[satisfied]'' I like, I like!
:'''Aide''': This just came in over the wires, Big K! ''[hands him a paper sheet]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[reading]'' &quot;[[w:1984 Summer Olympics boycott|Soviet boycott]], U.S. unopposed in most events&quot;. How does this affect our giveaway?
:'''Company Agent''': Let's see. ''[punches numbers into a calculator]'' You personally stand to lose 44 million dollars.
:''[Krusty sobs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': Welcome back to this, the final day of the 23rd Olympiad, brought to you by Krusty Burger.
:'''Krusty''': ''[furious]'' YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS! ''[sobs]'' I personally am gonna spit in every 50th burger!
:'''Homer''': ''[surrounded by piles of free Krusty Burgers]'' I like those odds.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is in the hospital the day Lisa is born. Lisa is in her bassinet while Homer talks to her and Marge reads &quot;Fretful Mother&quot; magazine]''
:'''Homer''': Little Lisa. I've already started you a college fund at Lincoln Savings and Loan.
:'''Marge''': According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her.
:'''Homer''': Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Marge are discussing moving out]''
:'''Marge''': I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.
:'''Homer''': No, we won't. I got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib, and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
:'''Marge''': Won't that warp him?
:'''Homer''': My cousin Frank did it.
:'''Marge''': You don't have a cousin Frank.
:'''Homer''': He became Francine in '76, then he joined that cult. I think his name is &quot;Mother Shabubu&quot; now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby.
:'''Marge''': I'm sorry, Bart. You're too little.
:'''Homer''': Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. ''[he places his can of beer on Bart's head]''
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Homer''': What?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': I was sitting there!
:'''Lisa''': I don't see your name on it!
:'''Bart''': It's right there!
:'''Marge''': Bart, don't write on the rug.
:'''Lisa''': Ha-ha. Mom yelled at you.
:'''Bart''': Did not.
:'''Lisa''': Did too.
:'''Homer''': You know, Maggie, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. ''[he puts Maggie to bed]'' I hope you never say a word. ''[switches the light off, closes the door]''
:'''Maggie''': ''[pulls her pacifier out of her mouth]'' Daddy. ''[puts her pacifier back on her mouth and goes to sleep as the episode ends; credits showrunner appears; starting the credits. After the credits, Gracie Films logo appears and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:Homer's Triple Bypass|Homer's Triple Bypass]]''===
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We feel neither highs or lows.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Really? What's it like?
:'''Lisa''': ''[shrugs]'' Eh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Hey hey! ''[goofy laugh]'' ''[Homer grunts in pain; clutching his chest.]'' Hey, what's the matter? Oh, right. My grotesque appearance!
:'''Homer''': Krusty, why are you here?
:'''Krusty''': Eh, it's part of my public service for my &quot;[[wikipedia:Drunk driving|Glug-glug, vroom-vroom]], [[w:Vehicular manslaughter|thump-thump]].&quot;
:'''Homer''': Well, I could use a laugh.
:'''Krusty''': Well, there's nothing funny about what you're about to go through. I know! ''[Takes off his shirt, revealing a pacemaker scar.]'' I'm in the zipper club myself! ''[lights a cigarette]''
:'''Homer''': You seem pretty healthy.
:'''Krusty''': Yeah? Well I got news for ya: this ain't makeup!

===''[[w:Marge vs. the Monorail|Marge vs. the Monorail]]''===
:'''Lyle Lanley''': You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it.
:''[Everyone laughs except Homer who at first doesn't get the joke]''
:'''Homer''': Heh-heh, mule.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': The name's Lanley, Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest —Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Shelbyville idea.
:'''Mayor Quimby''': Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.
:'''Lyle Lanley''': All right, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll ''show'' you my idea. I give you the Springfield Monorail! ''[everyone gasps]'' I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum, it put them on the map! Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified six-car monorail! What'd I say?
:'''Ned''': Monorail!
:'''Lyle''': What's it called?
:'''Patty and Selma''': Monorail.
:'''Lyle''': That's right, monorail! ''[the crowd starts chanting &quot;monorail&quot; as Lyle begins to play piano]''
:'''Ms. Hoover''': I hear those things are awfully loud.
:'''Lyle''': It glides as softly as a cloud!
:'''[[w:Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]''': Is there a chance the track could bend?
:'''Lyle''': Not on your life, my Hindu friend!
:'''Barney''': What about us brain-dead slobs?
:'''Lyle''': You'll be given cushy jobs!
:'''Abe Simpson''': Were you sent here by the Devil?
:'''Lyle''': No, good sir, I'm on the level!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': The ring came off my pudding can.
:'''Lyle''': Take my pen knife, my good man! I swear it's Springfield's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! ('''Lyle''': What's it called?) Monoraaaaaaail!! ('''Lyle''': Once again!) Monoraaaaaaail!!!
:'''Marge''': But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
:'''Bart''': Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken!
:'''All''': Monoraaaaaaail! Monoraaaaaaail!! Monoraaaaaaail!!! MONORAIL!
:'''Homer''': Mono... ''[realizes the song is over]'' D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge opens the fire extinguisher cabinet, sees a mother opossum with four offspring sleeping, who then start hissing]''
:'''Marge''': Homer, there's a family of possums in here!
:'''Homer''': I call the big one Bitey.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A solar eclipse forms outside]''
:'''[[Leonard Nimoy]]''': A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet... goes on.
:'''Male Passenger''': Does anyone want to switch seats?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lyle Lanley tries to escape on a plane with Springfield’s money]''
:'''Pilot''': Folks, this is your captain speaking. Our nonstop flight to Tahiti will be making a brief layover in North Haverbrook.
:'''Lyle''': North Haverbrook. Where have I heard that name before? ''[suddenly remembers]'' Oh, no. '''Oh, no!'''
:'''Man with pitchfork''': There he is! Seat 3-F!
:''[The angry citizens of North Haverbrook beat Lyle Lanley with many items]''

===''[[w:Selma's Choice|Selma's Choice]]''===
''(Homer, Bart, and Lisa are getting ready for Duff Gardens)''
:'''Homer''': Now what do we say when we get to the ticket booth?
:'''Bart''' and '''Lisa''' ''(in unison)'': We're under six.
:'''Homer''': And I'm a college student. ''(chuckles)''
:''(Marge comes in, upset)''
:'''Marge''': Kids, I've got some bad news. Your great-aunt Gladys has...passed on.
:'''Bart''' ''(running through his head who Great-Aunt Gladys is)'': Gladys...Gladys. About yea-high ''(puts his hand where his eyes  are)'', blue hair, big dent in her forehead?
:'''Marge''': No, honey. Gladys looked more like your Aunt Patty.
:'''Bart''' ''(stares blankly, then shudders)'': Ugh! Oh, yeah. There she is.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': The funeral is in Littleneck Falls. Looks like we'll have to go to Duff Gardens another time.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': We understand.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': No use complaining about something you can't change.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': But I wanna go to Duff Gardens. Right now!
:'''Marge''': Homer, quit pouting.
:'''Homer''': I'm not pouting. I'm mourning. ''(to himself)'': Stupid dead woman.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hans Moleman''': ''[reading an eye chart at the DMV and failing]'' R...Q...J...question mark...smiley face...
:''[cut to Selma stamping &quot;VOID&quot; on Hans' driver's license]''
:'''Selma Bouvier''': Next! ''(double checks the license)'': Wait a minute. It says here you're single.
:'''Hans Moleman'''  ''(scared)'': Did I do wrong?
:'''Hans''': ''[cut to Selma and Hans at a fancy restaurant. Hans is trying to read the menu]'' Combed, biscuits, chicken, yellow, mailman.
:'''Waitress''': You're reading the wine list, sir.
:'''Hans''': Very good.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(Selma comes back from her date with Hans Moleman)''
:'''Marge''': Selma, your date's over already?
:'''Selma''': Yeah. I was so depressed, I ate a jar of expired olives. ''(sighs)'': I guess I'll never have a baby.
:'''Lisa''' ''(as she's watching a Duff Gardens commercial where Lance Murdock and a bunch of unnamed riders are being knocked back and forth on a large version of a Newton's cradle)'': Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, but have you ever considered artificial insemination.
:'''Homer''' ''(giggles)'': Boy, I don't know. You've got to be pretty desperate to make it with a robot. 
:''(Marge whispers in Homer's ear what artificial insemination really is)''
:'''Homer''': I knew that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Hey Lise, I dare you to drink the water.
:'''Lisa''' ''(looks down at the water they're floating on. It is a dark brown, sludgy mess)'': I'm not sure that ''is'' water...
:'''Bart''': Chicken. ''[begins clucking loudly]''
:'''Lisa''': Quit it, Bart. Quit it! QUIT IT, QUIT IT!
:'''Selma''': Bart, be quiet! Lisa, drink the water!
:''(Lisa bends down and drinks some from her cupped hands. She groans as her grip on reality starts to slip. She stares at the Dutch girl robots)''
:'''Dutch Girl Robots''' ''(begins to sound discordant and ominous)'': Duff Beer for me/Duff Beer for you...''(Lisa blinks and her eyes go white and hollow)'': I'll have a Duff...Duff...Duff... ''(the Dutch girl robots fade away into the darkness)''
:''(the darkness of the ride is now punctuated with strange lights as Lisa begins acting paranoid)''
:'''Lisa''': They're all around me! No way out! ''(cackles insanely)'': NO WAY OUT, I TELL YOU! ''(grabs Selma by her dress collar)''
:'''Selma''' ''(as a 1960s Jimi Hendrix-style rock version of the &quot;Duff Beer for Me&quot; jingle plays and Lisa sees Selma as a multi-eyed monster with green skin)'': What's wrong? Ah, you just put your head right here. ''(sticks out her shoulder. The shoulder suddenly grows a mouth and snarls. The mouth on Selma's shoulder turns into Lisa's screaming mouth. Zoom out to reveal Lisa swinging an oar at Selma and Bart)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Bart gets rescued from The Barrel Roll. Selma is speaking with the security guard as Bart is trying to keep his eyes open]''
:'''Selma''': Don't blame these kids. ''[groans]'': It's not their fault. I think their father is missing a chromosome.
:'''Security Guard #1''': Miss Bouvier, while we were rescuing this boy, hoodlums made off with three bumper cars!
:''[cut to Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney -- who were previously arrested for being a roaming gang in the second Duff Gardens commercial -- driving down the road on three detached bumper cars that somehow are still functioning, laughing as they ride off into the sunset, past a sign that says &quot;Leaving Duff Gardfns&quot;]''
:''[cut back to the security shack]''
:'''Security Guard #1''': And I don't think George Washington will ever be the same.
:''[cut to a robotics engineer trying to fix the George Washington robot from the Duff Hall of Presidents, which is now reduced to just his head, only to back away as it starts jabbering]''
:''[a second security guard and a man in a white doctor's coat come in with a pale and jittery Lisa, clad in only a towel]''
:'''Security Guard''' ''[as Lisa's hollow eyes dart frantically and her skin color goes from white to pale yellow]'': We found ''this''  one swimming ''naked'' in the Fermentarium. 
:'''Lisa''': I ''AM'' THE LIZARD ''QUEEN''!
:'''White-coated Man''': Give her this...''[gives Selma two pills]''...and this...''[gives her two more as Lisa is shivering]''...and then these. ''[gives her an entire handful]''
:'''Selma''': Thank you, doctor.
:'''White-coated Man''': Oh, I'm not a doctor.

===''[[w:Brother from the Same Planet|Brother from the Same Planet]]''===
:''[Bart's class is having Show and Tell]''
:'''Bart''': Someday, I want to be an F-14 pilot like my hero, Tom. He lent me this new weapon called a neural disrupter.
:''[Bart demonstrates the sheer power of the neural disrupter by shooting it at Martin's forehead]''
:'''Martin''': Hey...
:''[falls down on the ground, twitching]''
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': He's not dead, is he Bart?
:'''Bart''': Nah, but I wouldn't give him any homework for awhile.
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Very good, Bart. Thank you.
:'''Bart''': Oh, don't thank me. Thank an unprecedented [[Ronald Reagan|eight-year military build-up]].
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': Mmm. Milhouse, you're next.
:'''Milhouse''': Uh, I have a horsey.
:''[mimics his toy horse neighing weakly which then trails off]''
:'''Nelson''': Wuss!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[during Krusty's monologue on ''Tuesday Night Live'']''
:'''Krusty''': We got a great show for ya. Well, actually, the last half-hour is a real garbage dump! ''[sighs]'': We'll be right back.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the band from ''Tuesday Night Live'' plays before going to commercial]'':
:'''Bart''': I miss Joe Piscopo.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': This just in, a fist-fight is in progress in downtown Springfield. Initial reports indicate, and these are very preliminary, that one of the fighters is a giant lizard. ''[shot of [[Godzilla]] appears in the background.]'' Do we have a source on this? Uh-huh, a bunch of drunken frat boys. All right, I could use some names. &quot;I.P Freely&quot;. Uh... ''[realizes]'' Grrr!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[after Bart comes home]'' Hello, son. Where have you been? 
:'''Bart''': Playing with Milhouse.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' No, you haven't! You've been out gallivanting around with that floozy of a bigger brother of yours! Haven't you? Haven't you? Look at me! 
:'''Bart''': Dad, it just kind of happened. You're taking this too hard.
:'''Homer''': How would you like me to take it? Go ahead, Bart. Have your fun. I'll be waiting for you? I'm sorry. I can't do it!  
:'''Bart''': Well, what are you gonna do?
:'''Homer''': Oh-ho. You'll see.

===''[[w:I Love Lisa|I Love Lisa]]''===
:''[Lisa opens a package from Ralph.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': A Malibu Stacy convertible! ''[she finds a note from Ralph]'' &quot;Look in the tunk.&quot; He must mean &quot;trunk&quot;. ''[opens trunk]'' Two tickets to the Krusty Anniversary Show! Oh, he must want me to go with him.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': That's not fair! I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty Home Pregnancy test!
:'''Lisa''': I'm not sure if I ''should'' go. I don't even like him.
:'''Bart''': You're right, Lis. You shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest. I'll go disguised as you.
:'''Lisa''': But what if he wants to hold hands?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to kiss?
:'''Bart''': I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
:'''Lisa''': What if he wants to--
:'''Bart''': You don't want to know how far I'll go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(as Chief Wiggum is driving Ralph and Lisa to the Krusty the Clown Show 29th Anniversary Special)''
:'''Lisa''': Chief Wiggum, how'd you ever get these tickets?
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Krusty knows how to play ball.
:''(Flashback: Establishing shot of the Springfield-X porno theater as raunchy, guitar-backed porno music plays. The buzzing marquee reads: &quot;Now Playing: Debbie Does Springfield&quot;. Cut to inside where Krusty the Clown is watching the movie. Chief Wiggum comes in and takes a seat behind Krusty while eating from a bucket of popcorn)''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Ah, nothing beats a good porno movie.
:'''Krusty''' ''(recognizes the voice and turns back to face Wiggum with fear in his voice)'': Chief Wiggum?! Is this a bust?
:'''Chief Wiggum''' ''(unable to answer the question honestly)'': Uh...yeah. That's just what it is: a bust.
:''(cut back to Lisa talking to Wiggum from the back seat of his police cruiser)''
:'''Lisa''': That story isn't suitable for children.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Really? I keep my pants on in this version.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Determined to avenge Ralph for being harshly spurned by Lisa, Chief Wiggum pulls Homer over.]''
:'''Homer''': Is there a problem, officer?
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Yep. Got a tail-light out.
:'''Homer''': Where?
:'''Wiggum''': ''[smashes a tail-light]'' Right there.
:'''Homer''': ''[angrily]'' You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops!
:'''Wiggum''': ''[alarmed]'' They are? Oh no! Have they set a date?

===''[[w:Duffless|Duffless]]''===
''(Homer is escaping from work so he and Barney can go to the Duff Brewery. Homer jumps out the window after he hits a giant spider on the head with a rock. Barney is outside, waiting in his car that has a mattress tied to the roof to ensure Homer lands safely)''
:'''Barney''': Hey, that looks like Princess Di! ''(pulls up to get a better look, not noticing that Homer has hit the ground)'': Oh, wait. That's just a pile of rags.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At an [[w:Alcoholics Anonymous|Alcoholics Anonymous]]  meeting.]''
:'''[[w:Otto Mann|Otto]]''': My name is Ot-to. I ''love'' to get blot-to.
:'''[[w:Hans Moleman|Hans Moleman]]''': My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm ''31'' years old.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': My name is Homer and I'm just here because the court made me come.
:'''[[w:Reverend Timothy Lovejoy|Reverend Lovejoy]]''': Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again. 
:''[Homer immediately screams and jumps through a window.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[singing as he pours his six pack of Duff down the sink]'' [[w:It Was A Very Good Year|When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.]]

===''[[w:Last Exit to Springfield|Last Exit to Springfield]]''===
:''[Mr. Burns and Smithers watch Homer tear up the union contract on a hidden camera]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Who is that firebrand, Smithers?
:'''Smithers''': That's Homer Simpson, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Simpson, eh? New man?
:'''Smithers''': Actually, sir, [[w:Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish|he thwarted your campaign for governor]], [[w:Bart Gets Hit By a Car|you ran over his son]], [[w:Homer Defined|he saved the plant from meltdown]], [[w:Brush with Greatness|his wife painted you in the nude]]...
: '''Mr. Burns''': ...Eh, doesn't ring a bell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(after Lisa sees a computer simulation of how her teeth will grow if she refuses to get braces)''
:'''Bart''': Cool! She'll be a freak.
:'''Marge''': Bart!
:'''Bart''': We can stick her in a trailer, drive her around the South and charge two bits a gander.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': We don't have to be adversaries, Homer! We ''both'' want a fair union contract!
:'''Homer''': ''[internally]'' ''Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!
:'''Homer''': ''Wait a minute... is he coming onto me?''
:'''Mr. Burns''': I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
:'''Homer''': ''My God, he is coming onto me!''
:'''Mr. Burns''': After all... ''negotiations make strange bedfellows''! ''[chuckles, clicks his tongue and winks]''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]''
:'''Homer''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these [[w:Sodomy|backdoor shenanigans]]. Sure, I'm flattered – maybe even a little curious. But the answer is no!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa:''' Do you really think you can get our dental plan back?
:'''Homer:''' Well, that depends on who's the better negotiator, Mr. Burns or me...
:'''Bart:''' Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old Danish.
:'''Homer:''' Done and done! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Burns has called in an elderly strikebreaking team led by Grampa Simpson.]''
:'''Grampa''': We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. ''[other strikebreakers mutter in agreement]'' One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville: I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. &quot;Gimme five bees for a quarter,&quot; you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because o' the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

===''[[w:So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show|So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show]]''===
:'''Bart''': You're going down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you!
:'''Homer''': You talk better than you fool.
:'''Bart''': I'll fool you up real nice.
:'''Homer''': You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV Announcer''': The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Mmm… beer.
:''[While the thermostat is set to very high levels, Homer begins to open the can of beer Bart had shaken up with a paint mixer.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': April F- ''[an explosion of beer blows out the windows and roof of the Simpsons' house and takes the shape of a mushroom cloud, Lou and Chief Wiggum stop the police car.]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Eddie and Lou|Lou]]''': That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
:'''[[w:Clancy Wiggum|Chief Wiggum]]''': Forget it! That's two blocks away.
:'''Lou''': ''[squints]'' Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[gets out of the car]'' I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
:'''Lou''': ''[into radio as Wiggum runs towards the cloud]'' We need pretzels! Repeat, pretzels!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Dr. Hibbert|Dr. Hibbert]]''': Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. ''[Simpson family gasps except for Marge, Bart and Lisa, laughs]'' April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': I, uh, brought you a little present. ''[gives Homer a can of beer]''
:'''Homer''': No. No! Beer bring pain!
:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': I can't stand to see him like that this. ''[Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away]''
:'''Moe''': He really needs a girlfriend.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Grampa Simpson|Grampa]]''': Poor Homer. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.
:'''Homer''': ''[gargles]'' Rrraaahhh…
:'''Grampa''': ''Ah!'' Kill it! ''Kill it''!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Grampa, please, he's in a coma.
:'''Grampa''': Coma? Pffft. Why, I go in and out of comas all the- ''[falls asleep, pauses, wakes up]'' French toast, please.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Is a coma painful?
:'''Grampa''': Oh, heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girl from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': ''[bursts thru the ward]'' This man is costing my health plan $5000 a day! I demand that Joe die with dignity. ''[he plugs the plug]''
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': Now, look, I'm the doctor here.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well, I demand a second opinion.
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Dr. Nick|Dr. Nick]]''': ''[pops in]'' Hi, everybody!
:'''All''': Hi, Dr. Nick! ''[Nick pokes Homer's abdomen with a reflex hammer]''
:'''Homer''': ''[squeaks]'' Mrrh.
:'''Dr. Nick''': Oh dear, I see no signs of life. Just to be safe, we better pull the plug.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yoink!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Dad, it's all my fault. I shook up that can of beer. It was just an April Fools joke.
:''[Life support machine starts to change from showing Homer's life signs to outlines of Bart. His mouth begins to form a growl, his fingers twitch and his eyes slowly open in anger.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[angrily turns red]'' Why, you little--!! ''[grabs Bart and proceeds to strangle him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': You lost 5% of your brain.
:'''Homer''': Me lose brain? Uh-oh! ''[Everyone including Homer laughs]'' Why I laugh?
:''[The episode ends, showrunner appears. The credits begins. After the credits, Gracie Films and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]''

===''[[w:The Front (The Simpsons)|The Front]]''===

:''[after watching the listless and boring ''Itchy &amp; Scratchy'' episode &quot;Dazed and Contused&quot;]''
:'''Krusty''': ''[takes an angry puff from his cigarette]'' Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...''[notices the cameras are on him]'': Ha, ha! Hey, wow! Wasn't that great, kids?
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': That's as bad as the tasteless &quot;Itchy &amp; Sambo&quot; cartoons of the late '30s. The writers should be ashamed of themselves.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Cartoons have writers?
:'''Lisa''': Eh, sort of.
:'''Bart''': Oh yeah? Well you and I could write a better cartoon than that.
:'''Lisa''': Write a cartoon ourselves? Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
:'''Bart''': Probably not. ''[in his mind, Bart is thinking about holding Santa Claus at gunpoint]'' Lie in the snow and count to 60. ''[Bart leaps into the sleigh and cracks the reins]'' Hiyah! ''[laughs evilly as he flies into the distance]'' Merry Christmas, suckers!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer's Brain''': This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.
:'''Homer''': Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
:'''Marge''': Oh, my God!
:'''Homer's Brain''': No, the other secret!
:'''Homer''': Marge, I never graduated from high school.
:'''Marge''': Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap... Wait, maybe it does...
:'''Homer''': I never passed Remedial Science 1-A.
:'''Marge''' ''[concerned]'' And '''''you're''''' a nuclear technician?
:'''Homer''': Marge, [[w:Pig latin|ix-nay on the uclear-nay echnician-tay]]!
:'''Marge''': What did you say?
:'''Homer''' ''[upset]'' I don't know. I flunked Latin, too!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''' ''[as she's going over the mail]'': Third notice? ''Final'' notice? &quot;Some guys are coming&quot;?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[typing a letter]'': &quot;Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am '''''not'''''  a crackpot.&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grampa''' ''[as he's typing out a complaint letter]'': &quot;When I read your magazine, I don't see one wrinkled face or single toothless grin. For ''shame''. To the sickos at ''Modern Bride'' magazine...&quot;

===''[[w:Whacking Day|Whacking Day]]''===
:''[Bart and the bullies make their way to Utility Basement B looking for mountain bikes.]''
:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Hey, what gives? Where are the mountain bikes?
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': ''[appears]'' Sorry about the ruse, gentlemen. You're being swept under the rug for the superintendent's visit. Enjoy. ''[closes the door and locks them in]''
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Jimbo Jones|Jimbo]]''': How are we going to get out of here?
:'''Nelson''': And when are we going to get our mountain bikes?
:'''Principal Skinner''': ''[outside of the room]'' Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
:'''[[w:Groundskeeper Willie|Groundskeeper Willie]]''': Nay, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
:'''Principal Skinner''': Wise counsel, William, but the potty talk adds nothing.
:'''Willie''': Aye, sir. ''[under his breath]'' Ye bath-takin', underpants-wearin', lily-hugger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Springfield residents track down the snakes to the Simpson place, but Lisa wants a stop to the killing.]''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Now wait a minute! How could you do this to snakes after all they've done for you?
:'''[[w:Abraham Simpson|Grandpa]]''': I'm an old man. I hate everything but ''[[w:Matlock|Matlock]]''. Ooh, it's on now.
:'''Lisa''': Mrs. Glick, who killed all the rats in your basement?
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Mrs. Glick|Mrs. Glick]]''': Snake did.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': And you love snakes, don't you Mr. White?
:'''[[w:Barry White|Barry White]]''': I love the sexy slither of a lady snake. Oh baby.

===''[[w:Marge in Chains|Marge in Chains]]''===
:'''[[w:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]''': Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I-- Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Is that bad?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
:'''Marge''': You did?
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Well, replace the word &quot;kinda&quot; with the word &quot;repeatedly&quot;, and the word &quot;dog&quot; with &quot;son.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lionel Hutz''': Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot she was carrying that bottle of ''[looks at bottle]'' delicious... bourbon... brownest of the brown liquors... ''[hugs bottle]'' so tempting... ''[puts the bottle to his ear]'' What's that?  You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial. Excuse me. ''[Hutz rushes out of courtroom to call his best friend]'' Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
:'''[[David Crosby|Crosby]]''': Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
:'''Hutz''': I love you too, man.

===''[[w:Krusty Gets Cancelled|Krusty Gets Kancelled]]''===
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Every time you watch my show, I will send you $40! ''[holds up check to audience]''
:'''Man''': ''[quick voice-over]'' Checks will not be honored.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, would you guys be interested in a Krusty the Clown comeback special?
:'''[[w:Flea (musician)|Flea]]''': Sure, if you can get us out of this gig.
:'''Bart''': No problemo. Hey, Moe! Look over there! ''[Bart points to a blank wall]''
:'''Moe''': What? What am I looking at? I don't see anything. Gonna stop looking now! What, is that it...?
:'''Homer''': Hey, Moe, can I look too?
:'''Moe''': Sure, but it'll cost you.
:'''Homer''': My wallet's in the car!
:'''Moe''': ''[chuckles]'' He is so stupid. And now back to the wall!

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 04}}

[[Category:The Simpsons seasons]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Kramer vs. Kramer</title>
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      <text bytes="19366" sha1="nk0brzae5f6jajuc5o4c5ygr088rv5j" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Kramer vs. Kramer|Kramer vs. Kramer]]''''' is a [[w:1979 in film|1979 film]] about a divorce and its impact on everyone involved, including the couple's young son. It received five Academy Awards at the 52nd Academy Awards in 1980, in the categories of Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Director and Best Adapted Screenplay.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Robert Benton|Robert Benton]], adapted from the novel by [[w:Avery Corman|Avery Corman]].''

== Ted Kramer ==
* For the last six months I've been spitting blood to get this agency one of the biggest account it's ever had. And at five o'clock this afternoon, we got the account. At eight o'clock, I am walking home with the vice president and tells me I'll be the next creative director of this department. I come through this door to share with my wife one of the five best days of my life, and she looks at me and tells me she doesn't want to live with me anymore! Can't you understand what she's done to me?

* ''[having lunch with his boss]'' So the other morning, I'm at the refrigerator... you know, getting Billy ready for school. So I'm just in my underwear and he notices I've lost weight. And he comes in and pats me. He comes up to here... ''[touches his stomach]''... and he says &quot;Daddy, you've really lost a lot of weight&quot;, he looks up at me and he says &quot;And it's all gone to your nose.&quot; ''[laughs]'' He was so cute. You know?

* ''[in court]'' There's a lot of things I didn't understand, a lot of things I'd do different if I could. Just like I think there's a lot of things you wish you could change, but we can't. Some things once they're done can't be undone. My wife, my ex-wife, says that she loves Billy, and I believe she does, but I don't think that's the issue here.

* If I understand it correctly, what means the most here is what's best for our son. What's best for Billy. My wife used to always say to me: 'Why can't a woman have the same ambitions as a man?' I think you're right. And maybe I've learned that much. But by the same token, I'd like to know, what law is it that says that a woman is a better parent simply by virtue of her sex? You know, I've had a lot of time to think about what it is it that makes somebody a good parent? You know, it has to do with constancy, it has to do with patience, it has to do with listening to him. It has to do with pretending to listen to him when you can't even listen anymore. It has to do with love, like, like, like she was saying. And I don't know where it's written that it says that a woman has a corner on that market, that, that a man has any less of those emotions than a woman does.

* Billy has a home with me. I've made it the best I could. It's not perfect. I'm not a perfect parent. Sometimes I don't have enough patience because I forget that he's a little kid. But I'm there. We get up in the morning and then we eat breakfast, and he talks to me and then we go to school. And at night, we have dinner together and we talk then and I read to him. And, and we built a life together and we love each other. If you destroy that, it may be irreparable. Joanna, don't do that, please. Don't do it twice to him.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Joanna Kramer''': I love you, Billy. 
:'''Billy Kramer''': I love you too, Mommy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ted Kramer''': For the last six months I've been spitting blood to get this agency one of the biggest account it's ever had. And at five o'clock this afternoon, we got the account. At eight o'clock, I am walking home with the vice president and tells me I'll be the next creative director of this department. I come through this door to share with my wife one of the five best days of my life, and she looks at me and tells me she doesn't want to live with me anymore!. Can't you understand what she's done to me?
:'''Margaret Phelps''': Yeah, She loused up one of the five best days of your life. 
:'''Ted Kramer''': You're terrific. Boy, you're.... thanks very much, really. Sisterhood.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ted Kramer''': Margaret, I just need to know something. Did you set my wife up to this?
:'''Margaret Phelps''': No, I did not put Joanna up to this.
:'''Ted Kramer''': Give her a little pep talk, maybe?
:'''Margaret Phelps''': Joanna is a very unhappy woman and it took a lot of courage for her to walk out of here.
:'''Ted Kramer''': Really. How much courage does it take to walk out on your kid?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Billy Kramer''': When's mommy coming back?
:'''Ted Kramer''': I don't know, Billy, soon. 
:'''Billy Kramer''': How soon?
:'''Ted Kramer''': Soon.
:'''Billy Kramer''': Will she pick me up after school?
:'''Ted Kramer''': Probably. And if she doesn't I will.
:'''Billy Kramer''': What if you forget?
:'''Ted Kramer''': I won't forget.
:'''Billy Kramer''': What if you get run over by a truck and get killed?
:'''Ted Kramer''': Then Mommy will pick you up.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Phyllis, naked, leaves the bedroom to use the bathroom. She runs into Billy, who is en route to the same place]''
:'''Billy Kramer and Phyllis Bernard''': ''[simultaneously]'' Hi.
:'''Billy Kramer''': What's your name?
:'''Phyllis Bernard''': I'm Phyllis Bernard.
:'''Billy Kramer''': Who?
:'''Phyllis Bernard''': I'm a friend... uh, business associate of your father's... dad.
:'''Ted Kramer''': ''[In the bedroom]'' Oh, Jesus.
:'''Billy Kramer''': Do you like fried chicken?
:'''Phyllis Bernard''': Fried chicken? Very much.
:'''Billy Kramer''': So do I.
:'''Phyllis Bernard''': Umm... well, it's really... It's been nice seeing you and...
:'''Billy Kramer''': Bye.
:'''Phyllis Bernard''': Bye.
:''[Phyllis comes back to the bedroom]''
:'''Phyllis Bernard''': Kramer, I just met your son.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ted and Billy are having dinner]''
:'''Ted Kramer''': How was school today?
:'''Billy Kramer''': Same as usual.
:'''Ted Kramer''': Hey, I see the Knicks finally won a game, what do you know?
:'''Billy Kramer''': I don't care.
:'''Ted Kramer''': What do you mean?
:'''Billy Kramer''': I like Boston.
:'''Ted Kramer''': Boston? Why do you like Boston?
:'''Billy Kramer''': Because Mommy's from Boston.
:'''Ted Kramer''': Okay, sit up and try to eat. Come on.
:'''Billy Kramer''': Can I be excused? I wanna go to bed.
:'''Ted Kramer''': Too much birthday cake?
:'''Billy Kramer''': Yeah, I guess.
:'''Ted Kramer''': I'm sorry. Excuse me. Louise, give me a hand.
:'''Louise''': You're 15 minutes late. Mr. O'Connor is very upset.
:'''Ted Kramer''': This all of it?
:'''Louise''': Yes. Do you want your mail now?
:'''Ted Kramer''': No, just give me the messages. Remind me to get a Crying Chrissie doll at lunch.
:'''Louise''': Okay, okay.
:'''Ted Kramer''': Sorry I'm late.
:'''Louise''': And there's a PTA meeting at the school on Tuesday at 4.
:'''Ted Kramer''': Right, thanks. Put the chicken in the refrigerator.
:'''Margaret Kramer''': Know who Charley's seeing now?
:'''Ted Kramer''': Who?
:'''Margaret Kramer''': A divorced woman with two little girls the same age as Kim and Petey.
:'''Ted Kramer''': Are you kidding? Are you kidding?
:'''Margaret Kramer''': Nope.
:'''Ted Kramer''': How do you know?
:'''Margaret Kramer''': I know.
:'''Ted Kramer''': How long has it been since you and Charlie broke up?
:'''Margaret Kramer''': A year and a half.
:'''Ted Kramer''': That long? I did I ever tell you how sorry, how really sad Joanna and I were, when you guys split?
:'''Margaret Kramer''': Look at that cute little boy ''[laughs]'' over there.
:'''Ted Kramer''': You think you'll ever get married again?
:'''Margaret Kramer''': Uh-uh.
:'''Ted Kramer''': I mean, to anybody.
:'''Margaret Kramer''': Uh-uh!
:'''Ted Kramer''': Why?
:'''Margaret Kramer''': I don't know, maybe it's different if you don't have children, but... even if Charley and I aren't living together, and even if we're sleeping with other people, and... even if Charley were to get married again... I don't know, he's still... my husband and he's still the father of my children and... ''[sighs]'' That stuff about &quot;till death do you part,&quot; that's really true.
:'''Ted Kramer''': Well, let me ask you this. Let's say Charley finishes his midlife crisis, and he's had it with his flings, and comes asking for forgiveness. What would you do?
:'''Margaret Kramer''': I think...that if he really loved me...he wouldn't have let me divorce him. ''[long pause]''
:'''Ted Kramer''': You still think about him, don't you?
:'''Margaret Kramer''': Only all the time. ''[pause]'' Think about Joanna?
:'''Ted Kramer''': Never.
:'''Margaret Kramer''': ''[laughs]'' You liar!
:'''Ted Kramer''': Some pair, boy...
:''[Margaret laughs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Billy makes noises playing with a toy plane]''
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': All right, come on, put that down and eat your dinner, it's getting cold.
:'''Billy Kramer''': What is this crap?
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': It's Salisbury steak.
:'''Billy Kramer''': I hate it.
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': You do not hate it. You had it last week and you loved it.
:'''Billy Kramer''': No, I didn't.
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': Um-hmm!
:'''Billy Kramer''': I hate the brown stuff. It's gross.
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': All that is is onions and gravy.
:'''Billy Kramer''': I'm allergic to onions, SpongeBob.
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': You are not allergic to onions. You had this last week, and remember, I told you it was my favourite when I was a little boy, and you said 'It's my favourite, too.'
:'''Billy Kramer''': I did not.
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': Yes, you did. Here. It's regular hamburger. Just give it a little bite. It's delicious!
:''[Billy make a sound as though about to throw up]''
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': So what's the matter?
:'''Billy Kramer''': I think I'm gonna throw up.
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': No, you're not, now you're gonna eat your...
:'''Billy Kramer''': It's eee-yucky!
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': It is not 'yucky', Billy. Eat it!
:'''Billy Kramer''': Do you remember to bring the chocolate chip ice cream home?
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': ''[angrily, making fun of Billy's question]'' Yes, I did remember to bring the chocolate chip ice cream home, and you can't have any of it until you eat all your dinner, and then eat your meat and your corn... ''[changes tone of voice]'' Where are you going? Get back here right now, did you hear me? You'd better not do that. You'd better stop right there, fella, I'm warning you. Hey! Did you hear me? ''[while Billy bring ice cream to the table]'' Now you listen to me! Don't be smart now. You go right back and put that back until you finish your dinner so eat it... Okay, I'm warning you, you take one bite out of that and you're in big trouble. Don't... Hey! Don't you dare... Don't you ''dare'' do that. You hear me? Hey! Stop! Hold it right there! You put that ice cream in your mouth and you are in very, very, ''very'' big trouble! Don't you dare go anywhere beyond that... Put it down right now, I'm not going to say it again. I'm ''not'' going to say it again! ''[Billy eat ice cream and SpongeBob loses his temper, gets up from the chair to snatch Billy up and cart him toward his bedroom as punishment]'' I am not...
:'''Billy Kramer''': ''[shrieking]'' Ow! You're hurting me! ''[kicks SpongeBob]''
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': ''[raging madly]'' That's it! OW! Don't you kick me!
:'''Billy Kramer''': I hate you!
:''[SpongeBob kicks the door open as they reach the bedroom]''
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': ''[furious]'' Well, you're no bargain either, pal! You are a spoiled, rotten little brat and I'll tell you right now... ''[unceremoniously dumps him on the bed]''
:'''Billy Kramer''': ''[yelling furiously]'' '''I HATE YOU!!!'''
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': ''[still furious, ignoring Billy's rant]'' '''AND I HATE YOU BACK, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!''' ''[storms out of the room]''
:'''Billy Kramer''': ''[crying]'' '''''I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!'''''
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': ''[coldly and bitterly]'' I'm all you got! ''[furiously slams the door]''
:'''Billy Kramer''': ''[does a tantrum]'' I want my mommy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Billy Kramer''': Daddy?
:'''Ted Kramer''': Yeah?
:'''Billy Kramer''': I'm sorry.
:'''Ted Kramer''': I'm sorry too. I want you to go to sleep because it's really late.
:'''Billy Kramer''': Daddy?
:'''Ted Kramer''': Now what is it?
:'''Billy Kramer''': Are you going away?
:'''Ted Kramer''': No. I'm staying here with you. You can't get rid of me that easy.
:'''Billy Kramer''': That's why Mommy left, isn't it? Because I was bad?
:'''Ted Kramer''': Is that what you think? No. That's not it, Billy. Your mom loves you very much... and the reason she left has nothing to do with you. I don't know if this will make sense, but I'll try to explain it to you. I think the reason why Mommy left... was because for a long time... I kept trying to make her be a certain kind of person. A certain kind of wife that I thought she was supposed to be. And she just wasn't like that. She was... She just wasn't like that. I think that she tried for so long to make me happy... and when she couldn't, she tried to talk to me about it. But I wasn't listening. I was too busy, too wrapped up... just thinking about myself. And I thought that anytime I was happy, she was happy. But I think underneath she was very sad. Mommy stayed here longer than she wanted because she loves you so much. And the reason why Mommy couldn't stay anymore... was because she couldn't stand me. She didn't leave because of you. She left because of me. Go to sleep now because it's really late, okay? Good night, sleep tight.
:'''Billy Kramer''': Don't let the bedbugs bite.
:'''Ted Kramer''': See you in the morning light.
:'''Billy Kramer''': Daddy?
:'''Ted Kramer''': Yeah?
:'''Billy Kramer''': I love you.
:'''Ted Kramer''': I love you, too. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Joanna returns to New York]''
:'''Joanna Kramer''': All my life I've felt like...somebody's wife or somebody's mother, somebody's daughter. Even all the time we were together I never knew who I was. And that's why I had to go away. And in California, I think I found myself. I got myself a job. I got myself a therapist, a really good one. And I feel better about myself than I ever have in my whole life. I learned a great deal about myself. 
:'''Ted Kramer''': Such as?... No, really, I'd really like to know what you learned.
:'''Joanna Kramer''': Well, I've learned that I love my little boy. And that I'm capable of taking care of him.
:'''Ted Kramer''': What do you mean?
:'''Joanna Kramer''': I want my son.
:'''Ted Kramer''': You can't have him
:'''Joanna Kramer''': Don't get defensive. Don't try to bully me.
:'''Ted Kramer''': I'm not getting defensive. Who walked out 15 months ago? 
:'''Joanna Kramer''': I don't care. I'm still his mother.
:'''Ted Kramer''': Yeah, from 300 miles away. And because you sent post cards gives you the right to come back? 
:'''Joanna Kramer''': I never stopped wanting him.
:'''Ted Kramer''': What makes you sure he wants you?
:'''Joanna Kramer''': What makes you sure he doesn't want me? 
:'''Ted Kramer''': Okay look. We're gonna sit here and bat this back and forth. It's like old times. 
:'''Joanna Kramer''': You can't deny me...
:'''Ted Kramer''': Don't tell me what I can or cannot do! Don't talk to me that way!
:'''Joanna Kramer''':  I anticipated this.
:'''Ted Kramer''': Okay look, I don't want to hear this. Do what you have to. I'll do what I have to.
:'''Joanna Kramer''':  Fine... I am very sorry about this.
:'''Ted Kramer''': Okay, just do what you have to do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ted Kramer hires a lawyer]''
:'''Ted Kramer''': I don't know the legal jargon for it, but I think it's &quot;desertion.&quot; I don't mean to tell you your job, but I think I have an open-and-shut case. 
:'''John Shaunessy''': Well, at first Mr. Kramer, there's no such thing as an open-and- shut case where custody is involved. I'll bet your ex-wife has already found a lawyer who's advised her to move back to establish residency. The burden is on us to prove that your ex-wife is an unfit mother. That means I'll have to play rough. If I play rough, you can bet they will too. Can you take that? 
:'''Ted Kramer''': Yes.
:'''John Shaunessy''': And it's going to cost you $15,000. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ted Kramer gets fired]''
:'''Ted Kramer''': You're firing me? 
:'''Jim O'Connor''': Yeah, I'm letting you go, yes. 
:'''Ted Kramer''': Why?
:'''Jim O'Connor''': Now, look, Ted, this is a very painful thing for me. You don't know how badly I feel,. I've been getting a lot of pressure from the guys upstairs, and there wasn't anything else I could do. I thought a lot about this and it's really better this way. If I took your stripes... if I put you on a schlock account, you'd hate it, and me for doing it. This way it's a clean break. And believe me, that's the best thing. 
:'''Ted Kramer''': You know my wife is fighting me for custody?. You know that we're going to court?. Do you know what my chances are if I'm out of a job?.
:'''Jim O'Connor''': Look, I understand that you're upset...
:'''Ted Kramer''': I don't want to beg, but I'm asking you, please, as a friend. Ah?... I'm asking you.
:'''Jim O'Connor''': You're an extremely bright guy. You've got a hell of a talent. You're gonna land on your feet. You're gonna survive...Teddy, look. I know you may be short on cash. No big hurry about paying this back. 
:'''Ted Kramer''': Shame on you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Joanna Kramer''': I woke up this morning, kept thinking about Billy and I-I was thinking about him waking up in his room with his little clouds all around that I painted. And I thought I should have painted clouds downtown, because then he would think that he was waking up at home. I came here to take my son home. And I realized he already is home. Oh, I love him very much. ''[Joanna and Ted hug]'' I'm not gonna take him with me. Can I go up and talk to him?...
:'''Ted Kramer''': Listen why don't you go upstairs and see him and I'll wait here.
:'''Joanna Kramer''': ''[wipes the tears from her eyes and pats her hair]'' How do I look?
:'''Ted Kramer''': You look terrific.

== Cast ==
* [[Dustin Hoffman]] – Ted Kramer
* [[Meryl Streep]] – Joanna Kramer
* [[w:Jane Alexander|Jane Alexander]] – Margaret Phelps
* [[w:Justin Henry|Justin Henry]] – Billy Kramer
* [[w:Howard Duff|Howard Duff]] – John Shaunessy
* [[w:George Coe|George Coe]] – Jim O'Connor
* [[w:JoBeth Williams|JoBeth Williams]] – Phyllis Bernard (as Jobeth Williams)
* Bill Moor – Gressen
* [[w:Howland Chamberlain|Howland Chamberlain]] – Judge Atkins
* Jack Ramage – Spencer
* [[w:Jess Osuna|Jess Osuna]] – Ackerman

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0079417|title=Kramer vs. Kramer}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=kramer_vs_kramer|title=Kramer vs. Kramer}}

[[Category:1979 films]]
[[Category:American drama films]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:Legal films]]
[[Category:Best Picture Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Films set in New York City]]
[[Category:Films whose writers won Best Adapted Screenplay Academy Award]]
[[Category:Films about dysfunctional families]]
[[Category:Films about divorce]]
[[Category:Films about father–son relationships]]
[[Category:1970s American films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Robert Benton]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Robert Benton]]</text>
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    <title>Talk:Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn</title>
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      <text bytes="7376" sha1="8bl1aqypce18p1c928ow1776nafdtsb" xml:space="preserve">I could not find the following quotes in &quot;A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich&quot;:
* '''A man should build a house with his own hands before he calls himself an engineer.'''
* '''A man with two trades to his credit can easily learn another ten.'''

I searched the text (with a browser search function) found at: http://www.davar.net/EXTRACTS/FICTION/ONE-DAY.HTM.  I also skimmed the whole printed version of the book and didn't find anything even semantically related to these quotes.  I am a first-time Wikiquote editor, so I don't know the etiquette of changing an entry, but these really should be deleted or the particular edition/translation of the book ought to be given to validate them.  Other quotes for this book also might be in error and could be checked.  If these quotes belong to another book, I would like to know, as they are very good quotes.  --[[User:Devon Brewer|Devon Brewer]] ([[User talk:Devon Brewer|talk]]) 03:16, 17 October 2017 (UTC)

I had checked the Gulag article before pasting my recent revisions, to make sure there were no changes since I began editing it weeks ago, but I forgot to check this one. I will be working on this today, and replacing any quotes I inadvertently removed, or did not transfer to ''[[The Gulag Archipelago]]''. ~ [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 12:53, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

I added &quot;Don't believe them, don't fear them, don't ask anything of them.&quot;  Source is a presentation by Dmitry Orlov's which can be found [http://www.energybulletin.net/23259.html here].[[User:Nklatt|Nklatt]] 22:46, 15 November 2007 (UTC)

==Unsourced==
Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see [[Wikiquote:Limits on quotations#General|Wikiquote:Limits on quotations]]); but if you can provide a [[Wikiquote:Sourcing|reliable and precise source]] for any quote on this list please move it to [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn]]. --[[User:Antiquary|Antiquary]] 19:18, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

* First would be the literary side, then the spiritual and philosophical. The political side is required principally because of the necessity of the current Russian position. 

* History has in different questions laid out some tremendous turnabouts and curves. 

* '''I cannot suggest political ways out, that is the task of politicians, so it is simply that those who accuse me of this do not know how to read.''' 

* '''I have not painted the dark reality in rose-tinted shades but I do include a clear way, a search for something brighter, some way out — most importantly in the spiritual sense.'''

* '''If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being?'''

* '''It would have been difficult to design a path out of communism worse than the one that has been followed.'''

* '''Justice is conscience, not a personal conscience but the conscience of the whole of humanity. Those who clearly recognize the voice of their own conscience usually recognize also the voice of justice.'''

* '''The simple step of a courageous individual is not to take part in the lie. &quot;One word of truth outweighs the world.&quot;'''
** The second statement of this quote is a variant of what he calls a Russian proverb in his Nobel lecture of 1970.

* Man has set for himself the goal of conquering the world but in the processes loses his soul. 

* Our government declared that it is conducting some kind of great reforms. In reality, no real reforms were begun and no one at any point has declared a coherent programme. 

* Religion always remains higher than everyday life. In order to make the elevation towards religion easier for people, religion must be able to alter its forms in relation to the consciousness of modern man.

* Russians are exiting from communism in a most unfortunate and awkward way.

* Such as it is, the press has become the greatest power within the Western World, more powerful than the legislature, the executive and judiciary. One would like to ask; by whom has it been elected and to whom is it responsible? 

* That which is called humanism, but what would be more correctly called irreligious anthropocentrism, cannot yield answers to the most essential questions of our life. 

* The central government possesses no plan of finding the way out of this blind alley. 

* The demands of internal growth are incomparably more important to us... than the need for any external expansion of our power. 

* The name of &quot;reform&quot; simply covers what is latently a process of the theft of the national heritage. 

* The next war... may well bury Western civilization forever. 

* There are a lot of clear thinkers everywhere. 

* This book is an agglomeration of lean-tos and annexes and there is no knowing how big the next addition will be, or where it will be put. At any point, I can call the book finished or unfinished. 

* Today when we say the West we are already referring to the West and to Russia. We could use the word &quot;modernity&quot; if we exclude Africa, and the Islamic world, and partially China. 

* We have arrived at an intellectual chaos. 

* When you come to think of it, a blizzard is no use to anybody.

* Don't believe them, don't fear them, don't ask anything of them.
** Referring to the Soviet government.

* After flinging away the United Nations Organization, after trampling its charters, NATO is ruling the world and for the next century we will have an ancient law - those with power will unconditionally right... Before the eyes of humanity a beautiful European country is being destroyed, while civilized governments are applauding. Meanwhile, despaired people, leaving bomb shelters, form human shields to protect Danube bridges... This is the world we are offered to live in from now on.

* Own only what you can always carry with you: know languages, know countries, know people. Let your memory be your travel bag.

== Unsourced also ==

 
*&quot;Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened.&quot; (He heard this as a child by people who said this to explain the suffering of the Russian people; as an adult he said &quot;...if I were asked today to formulate as concisely as possible the main cause of the ruinous revolution that swallowed up some 60 million of our people, I could not put it more accurately than to repeat: &quot;Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened.&quot;)
*”Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free.

== Needs serious reorganization ==

Man, this author's page is a shambles. The quotes were clearly added by people with little familiarity with him. It's utterly baffling that the top quotes in the page are one and all, not important ones from his major books, which showcase his central ideas, but totally peripheral utterances. Choosing quotes from some relatively letters to stick at the top of a Nobel Prize winner's list of quotations? Seriously? Whoever did that must have rocks in their head. Likewise, the quotes for each work are badly chosen and do little to give an idea of its essence and main ideas.

The discussions here, likewise, betray a lack of familiarity with the subject on the part of the participants. Somebody more knowledgeable on this writer needs to redo this page. It's a joke. [[Special:Contributions/&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|&amp;#126;2026-39297-72]] ([[User talk:&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|talk]]) 01:51, 11 July 2026 (UTC)</text>
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      <text bytes="9635" sha1="czs98103ccpxxdh1x38h77lgk41nz49" xml:space="preserve">I could not find the following quotes in &quot;A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich&quot;:
* '''A man should build a house with his own hands before he calls himself an engineer.'''
* '''A man with two trades to his credit can easily learn another ten.'''

I searched the text (with a browser search function) found at: http://www.davar.net/EXTRACTS/FICTION/ONE-DAY.HTM.  I also skimmed the whole printed version of the book and didn't find anything even semantically related to these quotes.  I am a first-time Wikiquote editor, so I don't know the etiquette of changing an entry, but these really should be deleted or the particular edition/translation of the book ought to be given to validate them.  Other quotes for this book also might be in error and could be checked.  If these quotes belong to another book, I would like to know, as they are very good quotes.  --[[User:Devon Brewer|Devon Brewer]] ([[User talk:Devon Brewer|talk]]) 03:16, 17 October 2017 (UTC)

:Oh, dear. My good sir/madam, here's some advice for you. When you're working with a foreign writer, it's kind of basic common sense that given their writing is first published in a different language and only then translated to English, that multiple English translations of the text might exist. And therefore, the wording of one might be different than the text you've found.
:The quote is there, all right. I recognized it right away, it's from the scene late in the book where the busybody inspector is coming to check on the prisoners' bricklaying. You couldn't find it because 1. a simple CTRL+F won't do the trick because the wording of the translated copy you found is different 2. you've never read the book, and can't rely on your knowledge/memory of it.
:The paragraph both quote is from in full, is: 
:&quot;Shukhov was well on with the third row (and Kildigs had just started his third) when yet another watchdog, another boss man, started up the ramp — Der, the overseer of building works. A Muscovite. Supposed to have worked in a ministry.
:Shukhov, close to Kildigs by now, pointed at Der.
:&quot;So what?&quot;  Kildigs said.  &quot;I never have anything to do with the bosses. Call me, though, if he falls off the ramp.&quot;
:Now he'd be standing behind the layers, watching. If there was one thing Shukhov couldn't endure, it was these spectators.  Trying to wangle himself an engineer's job, the pig-faced bastard. Started showing me how to lay blocks once. Laughed myself sick. '''Till you've built one house with your own hands, you're no engineer.''' That's how I see it.
:And then one paragraph further, the second line:
:&quot;They didn't have brick buildings in Temgenyovo, the cottages were all built of    wood.  Even the school was a log cabin — they'd brought ten-meter tree trunks from the state forest. But when the camp suddenly needed a bricklayer — Shukhov thought he might as well be one. '''If you can do two things with your hands, you'll soon pick up another ten'''.&quot;
: 
:My other advice for you guys would be, you should maybe not work on editing the pages of writers whose works you aren't familiar with. [[Special:Contributions/&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|&amp;#126;2026-39297-72]] ([[User talk:&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|talk]]) 02:06, 11 July 2026 (UTC)

I had checked the Gulag article before pasting my recent revisions, to make sure there were no changes since I began editing it weeks ago, but I forgot to check this one. I will be working on this today, and replacing any quotes I inadvertently removed, or did not transfer to ''[[The Gulag Archipelago]]''. ~ [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 12:53, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

I added &quot;Don't believe them, don't fear them, don't ask anything of them.&quot;  Source is a presentation by Dmitry Orlov's which can be found [http://www.energybulletin.net/23259.html here].[[User:Nklatt|Nklatt]] 22:46, 15 November 2007 (UTC)

==Unsourced==
Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see [[Wikiquote:Limits on quotations#General|Wikiquote:Limits on quotations]]); but if you can provide a [[Wikiquote:Sourcing|reliable and precise source]] for any quote on this list please move it to [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn]]. --[[User:Antiquary|Antiquary]] 19:18, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

* First would be the literary side, then the spiritual and philosophical. The political side is required principally because of the necessity of the current Russian position. 

* History has in different questions laid out some tremendous turnabouts and curves. 

* '''I cannot suggest political ways out, that is the task of politicians, so it is simply that those who accuse me of this do not know how to read.''' 

* '''I have not painted the dark reality in rose-tinted shades but I do include a clear way, a search for something brighter, some way out — most importantly in the spiritual sense.'''

* '''If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being?'''

* '''It would have been difficult to design a path out of communism worse than the one that has been followed.'''

* '''Justice is conscience, not a personal conscience but the conscience of the whole of humanity. Those who clearly recognize the voice of their own conscience usually recognize also the voice of justice.'''

* '''The simple step of a courageous individual is not to take part in the lie. &quot;One word of truth outweighs the world.&quot;'''
** The second statement of this quote is a variant of what he calls a Russian proverb in his Nobel lecture of 1970.

* Man has set for himself the goal of conquering the world but in the processes loses his soul. 

* Our government declared that it is conducting some kind of great reforms. In reality, no real reforms were begun and no one at any point has declared a coherent programme. 

* Religion always remains higher than everyday life. In order to make the elevation towards religion easier for people, religion must be able to alter its forms in relation to the consciousness of modern man.

* Russians are exiting from communism in a most unfortunate and awkward way.

* Such as it is, the press has become the greatest power within the Western World, more powerful than the legislature, the executive and judiciary. One would like to ask; by whom has it been elected and to whom is it responsible? 

* That which is called humanism, but what would be more correctly called irreligious anthropocentrism, cannot yield answers to the most essential questions of our life. 

* The central government possesses no plan of finding the way out of this blind alley. 

* The demands of internal growth are incomparably more important to us... than the need for any external expansion of our power. 

* The name of &quot;reform&quot; simply covers what is latently a process of the theft of the national heritage. 

* The next war... may well bury Western civilization forever. 

* There are a lot of clear thinkers everywhere. 

* This book is an agglomeration of lean-tos and annexes and there is no knowing how big the next addition will be, or where it will be put. At any point, I can call the book finished or unfinished. 

* Today when we say the West we are already referring to the West and to Russia. We could use the word &quot;modernity&quot; if we exclude Africa, and the Islamic world, and partially China. 

* We have arrived at an intellectual chaos. 

* When you come to think of it, a blizzard is no use to anybody.

* Don't believe them, don't fear them, don't ask anything of them.
** Referring to the Soviet government.

* After flinging away the United Nations Organization, after trampling its charters, NATO is ruling the world and for the next century we will have an ancient law - those with power will unconditionally right... Before the eyes of humanity a beautiful European country is being destroyed, while civilized governments are applauding. Meanwhile, despaired people, leaving bomb shelters, form human shields to protect Danube bridges... This is the world we are offered to live in from now on.

* Own only what you can always carry with you: know languages, know countries, know people. Let your memory be your travel bag.

== Unsourced also ==

 
*&quot;Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened.&quot; (He heard this as a child by people who said this to explain the suffering of the Russian people; as an adult he said &quot;...if I were asked today to formulate as concisely as possible the main cause of the ruinous revolution that swallowed up some 60 million of our people, I could not put it more accurately than to repeat: &quot;Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened.&quot;)
*”Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free.

== Needs serious reorganization ==

Man, this author's page is a shambles. The quotes were clearly added by people with little familiarity with him. It's utterly baffling that the top quotes in the page are one and all, not important ones from his major books, which showcase his central ideas, but totally peripheral utterances. Choosing quotes from some relatively letters to stick at the top of a Nobel Prize winner's list of quotations? Seriously? Whoever did that must have rocks in their head. Likewise, the quotes for each work are badly chosen and do little to give an idea of its essence and main ideas.

The discussions here, likewise, betray a lack of familiarity with the subject on the part of the participants. Somebody more knowledgeable on this writer needs to redo this page. It's a joke. [[Special:Contributions/&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|&amp;#126;2026-39297-72]] ([[User talk:&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|talk]]) 01:51, 11 July 2026 (UTC)</text>
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== Needs serious reorganization ==

Man, this author's page is a shambles. The quotes were clearly added by people with little familiarity with him. It's utterly baffling that the top quotes in the page are one and all, not important ones from his major books, which showcase his central ideas, but totally peripheral utterances. Choosing quotes from some relatively letters to stick at the top of a Nobel Prize winner's list of quotations? Seriously? Whoever did that must have rocks in their head. Likewise, the quotes for each work are badly chosen and do little to give an idea of its essence and main ideas.

The discussions here, likewise, betray a lack of familiarity with the subject on the part of the participants. Somebody more knowledgeable on this writer needs to redo this page. It's a joke. [[Special:Contributions/&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|&amp;#126;2026-39297-72]] ([[User talk:&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|talk]]) 01:51, 11 July 2026 (UTC)

==[No Author Title]==

I could not find the following quotes in &quot;A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich&quot;:
* '''A man should build a house with his own hands before he calls himself an engineer.'''
* '''A man with two trades to his credit can easily learn another ten.'''

I searched the text (with a browser search function) found at: http://www.davar.net/EXTRACTS/FICTION/ONE-DAY.HTM.  I also skimmed the whole printed version of the book and didn't find anything even semantically related to these quotes.  I am a first-time Wikiquote editor, so I don't know the etiquette of changing an entry, but these really should be deleted or the particular edition/translation of the book ought to be given to validate them.  Other quotes for this book also might be in error and could be checked.  If these quotes belong to another book, I would like to know, as they are very good quotes.  --[[User:Devon Brewer|Devon Brewer]] ([[User talk:Devon Brewer|talk]]) 03:16, 17 October 2017 (UTC)

:Oh, dear. My good sir/madam, here's some advice for you. When you're working with a foreign writer, it's kind of basic common sense that given their writing is first published in a different language and only then translated to English, that multiple English translations of the text might exist. And therefore, the wording of one might be different than the text you've found.
:The quote is there, all right. I recognized it right away, it's from the scene late in the book where the busybody inspector is coming to check on the prisoners' bricklaying. You couldn't find it because 1. a simple CTRL+F won't do the trick because the wording of the translated copy you found is different 2. you've never read the book, and can't rely on your knowledge/memory of it.
:The paragraph both quote is from in full, is: 
:&quot;Shukhov was well on with the third row (and Kildigs had just started his third) when yet another watchdog, another boss man, started up the ramp — Der, the overseer of building works. A Muscovite. Supposed to have worked in a ministry.
:Shukhov, close to Kildigs by now, pointed at Der.
:&quot;So what?&quot;  Kildigs said.  &quot;I never have anything to do with the bosses. Call me, though, if he falls off the ramp.&quot;
:Now he'd be standing behind the layers, watching. If there was one thing Shukhov couldn't endure, it was these spectators.  Trying to wangle himself an engineer's job, the pig-faced bastard. Started showing me how to lay blocks once. Laughed myself sick. '''Till you've built one house with your own hands, you're no engineer.''' That's how I see it.
:And then one paragraph further, the second line:
:&quot;They didn't have brick buildings in Temgenyovo, the cottages were all built of    wood.  Even the school was a log cabin — they'd brought ten-meter tree trunks from the state forest. But when the camp suddenly needed a bricklayer — Shukhov thought he might as well be one. '''If you can do two things with your hands, you'll soon pick up another ten'''.&quot;
: 
:My other advice for you guys would be, you should maybe not work on editing the pages of writers whose works you aren't familiar with. [[Special:Contributions/&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|&amp;#126;2026-39297-72]] ([[User talk:&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|talk]]) 02:06, 11 July 2026 (UTC)

I had checked the Gulag article before pasting my recent revisions, to make sure there were no changes since I began editing it weeks ago, but I forgot to check this one. I will be working on this today, and replacing any quotes I inadvertently removed, or did not transfer to ''[[The Gulag Archipelago]]''. ~ [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 12:53, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

I added &quot;Don't believe them, don't fear them, don't ask anything of them.&quot;  Source is a presentation by Dmitry Orlov's which can be found [http://www.energybulletin.net/23259.html here].[[User:Nklatt|Nklatt]] 22:46, 15 November 2007 (UTC)

==Unsourced==
Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see [[Wikiquote:Limits on quotations#General|Wikiquote:Limits on quotations]]); but if you can provide a [[Wikiquote:Sourcing|reliable and precise source]] for any quote on this list please move it to [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn]]. --[[User:Antiquary|Antiquary]] 19:18, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

* First would be the literary side, then the spiritual and philosophical. The political side is required principally because of the necessity of the current Russian position. 

* History has in different questions laid out some tremendous turnabouts and curves. 

* '''I cannot suggest political ways out, that is the task of politicians, so it is simply that those who accuse me of this do not know how to read.''' 

* '''I have not painted the dark reality in rose-tinted shades but I do include a clear way, a search for something brighter, some way out — most importantly in the spiritual sense.'''

* '''If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being?'''

* '''It would have been difficult to design a path out of communism worse than the one that has been followed.'''

* '''Justice is conscience, not a personal conscience but the conscience of the whole of humanity. Those who clearly recognize the voice of their own conscience usually recognize also the voice of justice.'''

* '''The simple step of a courageous individual is not to take part in the lie. &quot;One word of truth outweighs the world.&quot;'''
** The second statement of this quote is a variant of what he calls a Russian proverb in his Nobel lecture of 1970.

* Man has set for himself the goal of conquering the world but in the processes loses his soul. 

* Our government declared that it is conducting some kind of great reforms. In reality, no real reforms were begun and no one at any point has declared a coherent programme. 

* Religion always remains higher than everyday life. In order to make the elevation towards religion easier for people, religion must be able to alter its forms in relation to the consciousness of modern man.

* Russians are exiting from communism in a most unfortunate and awkward way.

* Such as it is, the press has become the greatest power within the Western World, more powerful than the legislature, the executive and judiciary. One would like to ask; by whom has it been elected and to whom is it responsible? 

* That which is called humanism, but what would be more correctly called irreligious anthropocentrism, cannot yield answers to the most essential questions of our life. 

* The central government possesses no plan of finding the way out of this blind alley. 

* The demands of internal growth are incomparably more important to us... than the need for any external expansion of our power. 

* The name of &quot;reform&quot; simply covers what is latently a process of the theft of the national heritage. 

* The next war... may well bury Western civilization forever. 

* There are a lot of clear thinkers everywhere. 

* This book is an agglomeration of lean-tos and annexes and there is no knowing how big the next addition will be, or where it will be put. At any point, I can call the book finished or unfinished. 

* Today when we say the West we are already referring to the West and to Russia. We could use the word &quot;modernity&quot; if we exclude Africa, and the Islamic world, and partially China. 

* We have arrived at an intellectual chaos. 

* When you come to think of it, a blizzard is no use to anybody.

* Don't believe them, don't fear them, don't ask anything of them.
** Referring to the Soviet government.

* After flinging away the United Nations Organization, after trampling its charters, NATO is ruling the world and for the next century we will have an ancient law - those with power will unconditionally right... Before the eyes of humanity a beautiful European country is being destroyed, while civilized governments are applauding. Meanwhile, despaired people, leaving bomb shelters, form human shields to protect Danube bridges... This is the world we are offered to live in from now on.

* Own only what you can always carry with you: know languages, know countries, know people. Let your memory be your travel bag.

== Unsourced also ==

 
*&quot;Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened.&quot; (He heard this as a child by people who said this to explain the suffering of the Russian people; as an adult he said &quot;...if I were asked today to formulate as concisely as possible the main cause of the ruinous revolution that swallowed up some 60 million of our people, I could not put it more accurately than to repeat: &quot;Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened.&quot;)
*”Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free.</text>
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== Needs serious reorganization ==

Man, this author's page is a shambles. The quotes were clearly added by people with little familiarity with him. It's utterly baffling that the top quotes in the page are one and all, not important ones from his major books, which showcase his central ideas, but totally peripheral utterances. Choosing quotes from some relatively inconsequential letters to stick at the top of a Nobel Prize winner's list of quotations? Seriously? Whoever did that must have rocks in their head. Likewise, the quotes for each work are badly chosen and do little to give an idea of the work's essence and main ideas.

The discussions here, likewise, betray a lack of familiarity with the subject on the part of the participants. Somebody more knowledgeable on this writer needs to redo this page. It's a joke. [[Special:Contributions/&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|&amp;#126;2026-39297-72]] ([[User talk:&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|talk]]) 01:51, 11 July 2026 (UTC)

==[No Author Title]==

I could not find the following quotes in &quot;A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich&quot;:
* '''A man should build a house with his own hands before he calls himself an engineer.'''
* '''A man with two trades to his credit can easily learn another ten.'''

I searched the text (with a browser search function) found at: http://www.davar.net/EXTRACTS/FICTION/ONE-DAY.HTM.  I also skimmed the whole printed version of the book and didn't find anything even semantically related to these quotes.  I am a first-time Wikiquote editor, so I don't know the etiquette of changing an entry, but these really should be deleted or the particular edition/translation of the book ought to be given to validate them.  Other quotes for this book also might be in error and could be checked.  If these quotes belong to another book, I would like to know, as they are very good quotes.  --[[User:Devon Brewer|Devon Brewer]] ([[User talk:Devon Brewer|talk]]) 03:16, 17 October 2017 (UTC)

:Oh, dear. My good sir/madam, here's some advice for you. When you're working with a foreign writer, it's kind of basic common sense that given their writing is first published in a different language and only then translated to English, that multiple English translations of the text might exist. And therefore, the wording of one might be different than the text you've found.
:The quote is there, all right. I recognized it right away, it's from the scene late in the book where the busybody inspector is coming to check on the prisoners' bricklaying. You couldn't find it because 1. a simple CTRL+F won't do the trick because the wording of the translated copy you found is different 2. you've never read the book, and can't rely on your knowledge/memory of it.
:The paragraph both quote is from in full, is: 
:&quot;Shukhov was well on with the third row (and Kildigs had just started his third) when yet another watchdog, another boss man, started up the ramp — Der, the overseer of building works. A Muscovite. Supposed to have worked in a ministry.
:Shukhov, close to Kildigs by now, pointed at Der.
:&quot;So what?&quot;  Kildigs said.  &quot;I never have anything to do with the bosses. Call me, though, if he falls off the ramp.&quot;
:Now he'd be standing behind the layers, watching. If there was one thing Shukhov couldn't endure, it was these spectators.  Trying to wangle himself an engineer's job, the pig-faced bastard. Started showing me how to lay blocks once. Laughed myself sick. '''Till you've built one house with your own hands, you're no engineer.''' That's how I see it.
:And then one paragraph further, the second line:
:&quot;They didn't have brick buildings in Temgenyovo, the cottages were all built of    wood.  Even the school was a log cabin — they'd brought ten-meter tree trunks from the state forest. But when the camp suddenly needed a bricklayer — Shukhov thought he might as well be one. '''If you can do two things with your hands, you'll soon pick up another ten'''.&quot;
: 
:My other advice for you guys would be, you should maybe not work on editing the pages of writers whose works you aren't familiar with. [[Special:Contributions/&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|&amp;#126;2026-39297-72]] ([[User talk:&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|talk]]) 02:06, 11 July 2026 (UTC)

I had checked the Gulag article before pasting my recent revisions, to make sure there were no changes since I began editing it weeks ago, but I forgot to check this one. I will be working on this today, and replacing any quotes I inadvertently removed, or did not transfer to ''[[The Gulag Archipelago]]''. ~ [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 12:53, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

I added &quot;Don't believe them, don't fear them, don't ask anything of them.&quot;  Source is a presentation by Dmitry Orlov's which can be found [http://www.energybulletin.net/23259.html here].[[User:Nklatt|Nklatt]] 22:46, 15 November 2007 (UTC)

==Unsourced==
Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see [[Wikiquote:Limits on quotations#General|Wikiquote:Limits on quotations]]); but if you can provide a [[Wikiquote:Sourcing|reliable and precise source]] for any quote on this list please move it to [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn]]. --[[User:Antiquary|Antiquary]] 19:18, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

* First would be the literary side, then the spiritual and philosophical. The political side is required principally because of the necessity of the current Russian position. 

* History has in different questions laid out some tremendous turnabouts and curves. 

* '''I cannot suggest political ways out, that is the task of politicians, so it is simply that those who accuse me of this do not know how to read.''' 

* '''I have not painted the dark reality in rose-tinted shades but I do include a clear way, a search for something brighter, some way out — most importantly in the spiritual sense.'''

* '''If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being?'''

* '''It would have been difficult to design a path out of communism worse than the one that has been followed.'''

* '''Justice is conscience, not a personal conscience but the conscience of the whole of humanity. Those who clearly recognize the voice of their own conscience usually recognize also the voice of justice.'''

* '''The simple step of a courageous individual is not to take part in the lie. &quot;One word of truth outweighs the world.&quot;'''
** The second statement of this quote is a variant of what he calls a Russian proverb in his Nobel lecture of 1970.

* Man has set for himself the goal of conquering the world but in the processes loses his soul. 

* Our government declared that it is conducting some kind of great reforms. In reality, no real reforms were begun and no one at any point has declared a coherent programme. 

* Religion always remains higher than everyday life. In order to make the elevation towards religion easier for people, religion must be able to alter its forms in relation to the consciousness of modern man.

* Russians are exiting from communism in a most unfortunate and awkward way.

* Such as it is, the press has become the greatest power within the Western World, more powerful than the legislature, the executive and judiciary. One would like to ask; by whom has it been elected and to whom is it responsible? 

* That which is called humanism, but what would be more correctly called irreligious anthropocentrism, cannot yield answers to the most essential questions of our life. 

* The central government possesses no plan of finding the way out of this blind alley. 

* The demands of internal growth are incomparably more important to us... than the need for any external expansion of our power. 

* The name of &quot;reform&quot; simply covers what is latently a process of the theft of the national heritage. 

* The next war... may well bury Western civilization forever. 

* There are a lot of clear thinkers everywhere. 

* This book is an agglomeration of lean-tos and annexes and there is no knowing how big the next addition will be, or where it will be put. At any point, I can call the book finished or unfinished. 

* Today when we say the West we are already referring to the West and to Russia. We could use the word &quot;modernity&quot; if we exclude Africa, and the Islamic world, and partially China. 

* We have arrived at an intellectual chaos. 

* When you come to think of it, a blizzard is no use to anybody.

* Don't believe them, don't fear them, don't ask anything of them.
** Referring to the Soviet government.

* After flinging away the United Nations Organization, after trampling its charters, NATO is ruling the world and for the next century we will have an ancient law - those with power will unconditionally right... Before the eyes of humanity a beautiful European country is being destroyed, while civilized governments are applauding. Meanwhile, despaired people, leaving bomb shelters, form human shields to protect Danube bridges... This is the world we are offered to live in from now on.

* Own only what you can always carry with you: know languages, know countries, know people. Let your memory be your travel bag.

== Unsourced also ==

 
*&quot;Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened.&quot; (He heard this as a child by people who said this to explain the suffering of the Russian people; as an adult he said &quot;...if I were asked today to formulate as concisely as possible the main cause of the ruinous revolution that swallowed up some 60 million of our people, I could not put it more accurately than to repeat: &quot;Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened.&quot;)
*”Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free.</text>
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== Needs serious reorganization ==

Man, this author's page is a shambles. The quotes were clearly added by people with little familiarity with him. It's utterly baffling that the top quotes in the page are one and all, not important ones from his major books, which showcase his central ideas, but totally peripheral utterances. Choosing quotes from some relatively inconsequential letters to stick at the top of a Nobel Prize winner's list of quotations? Seriously? Whoever did that must have rocks in their head. Likewise, the quotes for each work are badly chosen and do little to give an idea of the work's essence and main ideas.

The discussions here, likewise, betray a lack of familiarity with the subject on the part of the participants. Somebody more knowledgeable on this writer needs to redo this page. It's a joke. [[Special:Contributions/&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|&amp;#126;2026-39297-72]] ([[User talk:&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|talk]]) 01:51, 11 July 2026 (UTC)

==[No Author Title]==

I could not find the following quotes in &quot;A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich&quot;:
* '''A man should build a house with his own hands before he calls himself an engineer.'''
* '''A man with two trades to his credit can easily learn another ten.'''

I searched the text (with a browser search function) found at: http://www.davar.net/EXTRACTS/FICTION/ONE-DAY.HTM.  I also skimmed the whole printed version of the book and didn't find anything even semantically related to these quotes.  I am a first-time Wikiquote editor, so I don't know the etiquette of changing an entry, but these really should be deleted or the particular edition/translation of the book ought to be given to validate them.  Other quotes for this book also might be in error and could be checked.  If these quotes belong to another book, I would like to know, as they are very good quotes.  --[[User:Devon Brewer|Devon Brewer]] ([[User talk:Devon Brewer|talk]]) 03:16, 17 October 2017 (UTC)

:Oh, dear. My good sir/madam, here's some advice for you. When you're working with a foreign writer, it's kind of basic common sense that given their writing is first published in a different language and only then translated to English, that multiple English translations of the text might exist. And therefore, the wording of one might be different than the text you've found.
:The quote is there, all right. I recognized it right away, it's from the scene late in the book where the busybody inspector is coming to check on the prisoners' bricklaying. You couldn't find it because 1. a simple CTRL+F won't do the trick because the translation you found is different, and  2. you've never read the book, and so can't rely on your knowledge/memory of it.
:The passage the first quote is from, is: 
:&quot;Shukhov was well on with the third row (and Kildigs had just started his third) when yet another watchdog, another boss man, started up the ramp — Der, the overseer of building works. A Muscovite. Supposed to have worked in a ministry.
:Shukhov, close to Kildigs by now, pointed at Der.
:&quot;So what?&quot;  Kildigs said.  &quot;I never have anything to do with the bosses. Call me, though, if he falls off the ramp.&quot;
:Now he'd be standing behind the layers, watching. If there was one thing Shukhov couldn't endure, it was these spectators.  Trying to wangle himself an engineer's job, the pig-faced bastard. Started showing me how to lay blocks once. Laughed myself sick. '''Till you've built one house with your own hands, you're no engineer.''' That's how I see it.
:And then, the next paragraph down, we have:
:&quot;They didn't have brick buildings in Temgenyovo, the cottages were all built of    wood.  Even the school was a log cabin — they'd brought ten-meter tree trunks from the state forest. But when the camp suddenly needed a bricklayer — Shukhov thought he might as well be one. '''If you can do two things with your hands, you'll soon pick up another ten'''.&quot;
: 
:My other advice for you guys would be, you should maybe not work on editing the pages of writers whose works you aren't familiar with. [[Special:Contributions/&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|&amp;#126;2026-39297-72]] ([[User talk:&amp;#126;2026-39297-72|talk]]) 02:06, 11 July 2026 (UTC)

I had checked the Gulag article before pasting my recent revisions, to make sure there were no changes since I began editing it weeks ago, but I forgot to check this one. I will be working on this today, and replacing any quotes I inadvertently removed, or did not transfer to ''[[The Gulag Archipelago]]''. ~ [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 12:53, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

I added &quot;Don't believe them, don't fear them, don't ask anything of them.&quot;  Source is a presentation by Dmitry Orlov's which can be found [http://www.energybulletin.net/23259.html here].[[User:Nklatt|Nklatt]] 22:46, 15 November 2007 (UTC)

==Unsourced==
Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see [[Wikiquote:Limits on quotations#General|Wikiquote:Limits on quotations]]); but if you can provide a [[Wikiquote:Sourcing|reliable and precise source]] for any quote on this list please move it to [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn]]. --[[User:Antiquary|Antiquary]] 19:18, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

* First would be the literary side, then the spiritual and philosophical. The political side is required principally because of the necessity of the current Russian position. 

* History has in different questions laid out some tremendous turnabouts and curves. 

* '''I cannot suggest political ways out, that is the task of politicians, so it is simply that those who accuse me of this do not know how to read.''' 

* '''I have not painted the dark reality in rose-tinted shades but I do include a clear way, a search for something brighter, some way out — most importantly in the spiritual sense.'''

* '''If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being?'''

* '''It would have been difficult to design a path out of communism worse than the one that has been followed.'''

* '''Justice is conscience, not a personal conscience but the conscience of the whole of humanity. Those who clearly recognize the voice of their own conscience usually recognize also the voice of justice.'''

* '''The simple step of a courageous individual is not to take part in the lie. &quot;One word of truth outweighs the world.&quot;'''
** The second statement of this quote is a variant of what he calls a Russian proverb in his Nobel lecture of 1970.

* Man has set for himself the goal of conquering the world but in the processes loses his soul. 

* Our government declared that it is conducting some kind of great reforms. In reality, no real reforms were begun and no one at any point has declared a coherent programme. 

* Religion always remains higher than everyday life. In order to make the elevation towards religion easier for people, religion must be able to alter its forms in relation to the consciousness of modern man.

* Russians are exiting from communism in a most unfortunate and awkward way.

* Such as it is, the press has become the greatest power within the Western World, more powerful than the legislature, the executive and judiciary. One would like to ask; by whom has it been elected and to whom is it responsible? 

* That which is called humanism, but what would be more correctly called irreligious anthropocentrism, cannot yield answers to the most essential questions of our life. 

* The central government possesses no plan of finding the way out of this blind alley. 

* The demands of internal growth are incomparably more important to us... than the need for any external expansion of our power. 

* The name of &quot;reform&quot; simply covers what is latently a process of the theft of the national heritage. 

* The next war... may well bury Western civilization forever. 

* There are a lot of clear thinkers everywhere. 

* This book is an agglomeration of lean-tos and annexes and there is no knowing how big the next addition will be, or where it will be put. At any point, I can call the book finished or unfinished. 

* Today when we say the West we are already referring to the West and to Russia. We could use the word &quot;modernity&quot; if we exclude Africa, and the Islamic world, and partially China. 

* We have arrived at an intellectual chaos. 

* When you come to think of it, a blizzard is no use to anybody.

* Don't believe them, don't fear them, don't ask anything of them.
** Referring to the Soviet government.

* After flinging away the United Nations Organization, after trampling its charters, NATO is ruling the world and for the next century we will have an ancient law - those with power will unconditionally right... Before the eyes of humanity a beautiful European country is being destroyed, while civilized governments are applauding. Meanwhile, despaired people, leaving bomb shelters, form human shields to protect Danube bridges... This is the world we are offered to live in from now on.

* Own only what you can always carry with you: know languages, know countries, know people. Let your memory be your travel bag.

== Unsourced also ==

 
*&quot;Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened.&quot; (He heard this as a child by people who said this to explain the suffering of the Russian people; as an adult he said &quot;...if I were asked today to formulate as concisely as possible the main cause of the ruinous revolution that swallowed up some 60 million of our people, I could not put it more accurately than to repeat: &quot;Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened.&quot;)
*”Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free.</text>
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      <text bytes="584326" sha1="9a38xh979ftjfm38r26m2gvb88l7bx1" xml:space="preserve">The following is '''a list of last words attributed to various fictional characters in films'''. Characters are listed according to the originating film, then the name of character the quote is attributed to (in case of more than one quote per source). Where quotes come from a series of films, they are organized in the order of the films they appeared in (for example, quotes from the first ''[[Kill Bill]]'' film appear before quotes from the second film, and so on). Where possible, for the purposes of clarification, further explanatory notes have been presented. Additionally, if a character's final words consist of a dialogue with the other characters, the other character's speech may be included for contextual purposes; for example, if one character asks a question that the one who is about to die answers.
 
Some characters may have more than one &quot;death,&quot; in instances such as being resurrected, or existing temporarily as an undead being. In some of those instances, their last words from each &quot;death&quot; may be added if they are significant. Additionally, significant last words from deaths that are merely assumed to have happened or are non-canon are included. In instances where there are multiple outcomes, or in media with alternate timelines, the character's last words will also be featured.

== # ==

===''[[3:10 to Yuma (2007 film)|3:10 to Yuma]]'' (2007)===
*'''Shit.'''
**Who: Tommy Darden
**Note: Tommy says this while being held at gunpoint after realizing that his boss, Ben Wade, is going to kill him and his captor. Wade then shoots Tommy in the throat, killing him.

*'''They're gonna hang me in the morning, before the dawn is done...'''
**Who: Tucker
**Note: Tucker is singing a song about hanging to taunt the captured Ben Wade. Wade then kills him with a fork stolen from a dinner he'd had earlier in the film.

*[Wade: ''Day I die, Byron, I'm gettin' sprung from hell.''] '''I might think that too, if I came from the seed of a drunk gravedigger, and the rancid womb of a whore.'''
**Who: Byron McElroy
**Note: McElroy has this exchange with Ben Wade before the prisoner overpowers him and throws him over a cliff to his death for insulting Wade's mother.

*'''Did we make it? Did we get away?'''
**Who: Doc Potter
**Note: Potter says this to Dan Evans after the group escapes from vengeful track-layers who were trying to kill their prisoner, Ben Wade. Potter was fatally shot in the back during the escape and dies after Dan tells him that they did escape.

*'''I have a prisoner to go to Yuma!'''
**Who: Dan Evans
**Note: Said while putting Ben Wade on the eponymous train before he is repeatedly and fatally shot by Charlie Prince.

*'''You know, for a one leg rancher, he's one tough son of a bitch.'''
**Who: Charlie Prince
**Note: Charlie says this before giving Wade his guns back, after shooting Dan Evans. He is then killed, along with the rest of his gang, by Wade, who respected Evans.

===''[[w:8mm (film)|8mm]]'' (1999)===
*'''...Alright, Tom Welles. Devil's waiting on you.'''
**Who: Max California
**Note: Max says this as Tom Welles was leaving the bar - they were posing as clients for a shady film producer named Dino Velvet commissioning a hardcore BDSM film. Max dies shortly after.

*'''...Stay back. Stay away from me.''' [Daniel Longdale pulls out his gun] '''Put the bow down!''' [Eddie Poole: ''Fucking rich man's lawyer, I told you not to trust the prick.''] [Dino Velvet: ''Mr. Longdale, if there's no honor among perverts and pornographers, the whole fucking business would fall apart... because there's no records, no contracts, no legal recourse so if someone... cheats us... that person can't be trusted, that person could turn us in, have us killed, so we don't have a choice, do we... Mr. Longdale?''] '''I just want this to be over, nobody else needs to get hurt. Now Eddie, I know you have a gun, take it out.''' [Poole: ''Fuck you!''] '''TAKE IT OUT NOW! And drop it, or I will shoot.''' [Velvet: ''Don't be stupid, Edward.''] [Poole proceeds to drop his gun] '''Now kick it in my direction hard.''' [Poole does so] '''Now, Dino, drop the crossbow.'''
**Who: Daniel Longdale
**Note: This dialogue occurs right before his death in the film.

*'''...Action.''' [Dino Velvet strucks Longdale with his crossbow; Longdale shoots Velvet in the neck.] '''Oh...''' [Velvet drops to his knees.] '''Augh, this is wrong... something's wrong... Oh God, not like this. I'm supposed to have... something more cinematic. Kill him, Machine. Kill 'em all.'''
**Who: Dino Velvet
**Note: The first part of this dialogue occurs when he killed Longdale. The second part occurs right after Longdale shoots him in the neck.

*'''No!'''
**Who: Eddie Poole
**Note: Eddie says this before Tom Welles pistol-whips him to death right after a tearful phone call he did with Janet when he hold her the truth of what happened to Mary Ann. He asks her permission to punish those responsible, in which she gave him permission.

*'''What did you expect, a monster?''' [George puts on his glasses] '''M- My name's George. Probably knew that already. ...Can't get your mind around it, huh? I don't have any answers to give, nothing I can say is going to make you... sleep easier at night. I wasn't beaten, I wasn't molested, Mommy didn't abuse me, Daddy never raped me, I'm only what I am. That's all there is to it!''' [George slashes Welles in the leg; Welles throws his gun in recoil. They would then get into a fight] '''There's no mystery. Things I do, I do them because I like them. Because I want to!''' [Welles grunts as he takes the knife out, and stabs him]
**Who: George/Machine
**Note: George/Machine says this shortly after he stabs Welles in the gut. Shortly after this dialogue was said, Welles takes the knife out and stabs George/Machine in the gut, killing him.

===''[[w:13 Assassins (2010 film)|13 Assassins]]'' (2010)===
*'''So death comes for us all. Allow me to thank you, Shinzaemon. Of all the days of my life, today has been the most exciting.'''
**Who: Lord Matsudaira Naritsugu
**Note: The evil tyrant of the Akashi Domain. After a vicious battle in Ochiai with casualties on the sides of both the assassins and Naritsugu's troupe, Naritsugu mortally wounds Shinzaemon before taking one himself. He says these knowing he is looking into the jaws of death like he has done to others throughout his reign. Shinzaemon replies &quot;You're.... WELCOME!&quot; and decapitates him. Officially, the government covers it by saying he died of illness along the way to his lands.

===''[[28 Days Later]]'' (2002)===
*'''Keep away from me! Keep away from me! KEEP AWAY!!! KEEP AWAAAAY!!!!! AAAAAAARRRRGH...'''
**Who: Frank
**Note: Said to his daughter Hannah before he becomes an infected. He is shot to death shortly thereafter.

*'''Hannah! Hannah! Hannah!'''
**Who: Major Henry West
**Note: Said after shooting Jim, to Hannah, as she backs the car into the nearby mansion, where West is torn from the vehicle and beaten to death by an infected.

===''[[28 Weeks Later]]'' (2007)===
*'''''GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!'''''
**Who: Doyle
**Note: Character screams this after he pushstarts a car with three of his friends inside, so that they can escape a group of soldiers with flamethrowers approaching. He is then struck by the flamethrowers and burns to death.

===[[wikipedia:2-Headed Shark Attack|2-Headed Shark Attack]]===
*'''What are you looking at, Kirk?'''
**Who: Haley. She was engrossed in kissing Allison during skinny dipping and she got distracted by noticing Kirk wasn't lusting over them as usual. She turns him back to kissing and is indirectly responsible for their deaths when the Shark attacks later.

*'''Haley! Allison!'''
**Who: Kirk. When Haley and Allison bleed profusely and are then dragged under, Kirk's standing there shouting after them but he doesn't see anything so he flees back through the sea but then the Shark grabs him and drags him under.

*'''I think we're safe.'''
**Who: Kristen. She is gleefully celebrating escaping the Shark's attack and is about to kiss Dana in victory, but the Shark eats them both before she can.

===The ''300'' series===
====''[[300 (film)|300]]'' (2007)====
*'''This is blasphemy! This is madness!''' (Leonidas: Madness? ''This is'' '''''Sparta!''''')
**Who: Persian Messenger
**Note: Said in response to King Leonidas' threats to him. Leonidas proceeds to kick him and his compatriots into a well.

*'''Remove her from the chamber before she infects us further, with her inglorious and shabby shelf''' (Gorgo: This will not be over quickly, you will not enjoy this, I am not your queen.)
**Who: Theron
**Note: Said after disgracing Queen Gorgo in front of the Spartan Council. Gorgo, enraged, kills him while quoting his earlier words to her, as well as revealing Persian gold in his possession.

*'''It is an honor...to die by your side...'''
**Who: Stelios
**Note: Said to King Leonidas, after being mortally wounded. He is answered, &quot;It was an honor to have lived by yours&quot;.

*'''My queen! My wife. My love...'''
**Who: Spartan King Leonidas
**Note: Said after being mortally wounded by arrows, as he remembers his wife, Queen Gorgo. He is killed by a hail of arrows after this line is said.

===''[[2001: A Space Odyssey]]'' (1968)===
*'''Just what do you think you're doing, Dave? Dave, I really think I'm entitled to an answer to that question. I know everything hasn't been quite right with me, but I can assure you now, very confidently, that it's going to be all right again. I feel much better now. I really do. Look, Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over. I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.''' ''[Dave starts disconnecting Hal]'' '''Dave, stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop, Dave? Stop, Dave. I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a...fraid.''' ''[his memory is turned off]'' '''Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992.''' ''[his voice becomes lower]'' '''My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it, I can sing it for you.''' [Dave: Yes, I'd like to hear it, HAL. Sing it for me.] '''It's called &quot;Daisy&quot;.''' ''[sings while slowing down]'' '''Dai-sy, Dai-sy, give me your answer do. I'm half cra-zy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.''' ''[shuts down]''
**Who: [[HAL 9000]]
**Note: HAL is revived in the sequel.

===''[[2012 (film)|2012]]'' (2009)===
*'''Laura, can you hear me? Laura!'''
**Who: Roland Picard
**Note: This character, the director of the Louvre, is on a phone conversation with First Daughter Laura Wilson as he drives through Paris, whilst briefly being pursued by an American government car. After he says this line in French with English subs, whilst going through a tunnel, his car explodes - the US car had planted a bomb under it, to prevent him from attending a press conference at the Louvre to tell anyone about US secrets.

*'''I wish you could see what I'm seeing, people! I wish you could be here with me! Oh, baby, ha-ha! BRING IT ON! ALWAYS REMEMBER, FOLKS, YOU HEARD IT FIRST FROM CHARLIE!!!'''
**Who: Charlie Frost
**Note: Charlie Frost was a conspiracy theorist in the film who spent the entire film in Yellowstone National Park. He is known through the movie to have seen through the Government's plans and had broadcast his findings over public radio. One of his catch-lines was &quot;Remember, you heard it first from Charlie.&quot;  His final scene in the movie, he broadcasts live from the peak of Mt. Bighorn, and as the supervolcano erupts, he expresses his joy over the radio.  He shouts these last words before flying molten rock crashes into him.

*'''Antanov, abort takeoff! You do not have clearance! You must abort! I repeat, you must abort!'''
**Who: Las Vegas air traffic controller
**Note: Character attempts to order Sasha and Gordon, who have stolen an Antanov An-500 with Jackson, Yuri and their families, to shut down the plane, but they begin the takeoff anyway. The controller is killed when the Yellowstone ash cloud hits the control tower. Because they’re not listen to air traffic control.

*'''I'm coming home, Dorothy.'''
**Who: President Thomas Wilson
**Note: After several earthquakes in the sea spawn several mega-tsunamis, the President, who had chosen to stay behind is caught in an earthquake.  As he regains consciousness, he looks up to see a massive tsunami heading his way.  He says these words moments before the tsunami hits him and sends the aircraft carrier USS John F. Kennedy crashing through the White House.  He mentions Dorothy being his late wife earlier in the movie.

*'''I'll be fine. I have to touch this baby down. What are you waiting for? Go! Go!'''
**Who: Sasha
**Note: Character is attempting to land the Antanov on a glacier and orders Gordon to leave him and help the others escape. Though they do so, the plane slides off a cliff and explodes on impact, killing him.

*'''We never got picked up, Adrian. The airlift never came. Goodbye, my friend.'''
**Who: Dr Satnam Tsurutani
**Note: He says this line to end a phone conversation with Dr. Helmsley, as Nampan, India, is hit by a massive tsunami. He and his wife then comfort their young son as they and hundreds of other people are hit by the wave.

==A==
===''[[The Addams Family (film)|The Addams Family]]'' (1991)===
*'''Stop whining, you good-for-nothing! BE A MAN!!'''
**Who: Abigail Craven ([[w: Elizabeth Wilson|Elizabeth Wilson]])
**Note: Her last spoken words for forcing Uncle Fester to put the book down, but instead, he opens the book and blasts Dr. Pinder Schloss and Tully Allford out the window to their own deaths.

===''[[The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension]]'' (1984)===
*'''This better be collect, Doc!'''
**Who: Jack the Orderly ([[w:Jonathan Banks|Jonathan Banks]])
**Note: Dr. Emilio Lizardo/John Wharfin is calling one of his contacts outside the asylum as the Orderly asks him about the charges of the phone call. Wharfin then grabs the attendant by the throat with one hand and breaks his neck.

*'''What are y'all lookin' at? You're on the clock. Let's saddle up, huh?'''
**Who: Rawhide ([[w:Clancy Brown|Clancy Brown]])
**Note: In the North American DVD release of the film, there is an &quot;unknown facts&quot; feature that explains Rawhide is not dead, but in cryogenic suspension.

*'''BIG-BOO-''TAY! TAY! TAY!'''''
**Who: John Bigbooté ([[w:Christopher Lloyd|Christopher Lloyd]])
**Note: Throughout the film, John Wharfin had been addressing John Bigbooté as &quot;John Big-Booty&quot;. During the evacuation of their headquarters, they argue and Wharfin again mispronounces his name. Bigbooté finally snaps and screams his last name at Wharfin, who responds by shooting him.

*'''BANZAI! I'LL SEE YOU IN ''HELL!'''''
**Who: John Wharfin (Dr. Emilio Lizardo) ([[w:John Lithgow|John Lithgow]])
**Note: He dies in a fiery explosion immediately afterwards.

===[[Alien (franchise)|''Alien'' franchise]]===
:''See ''[[last words in Aliens media|''last words in ''Aliens'' media'']]''.''

===''[[American Beauty]]'' (1999)===
*'''Man, oh man, oh man.'''
**Who: Lester Burnham
**Note: Character spoke the line as he regarded a photograph of his family, right before being shot dead by his neighbor.

===''[[American Psycho (film)|American Psycho]]'' (2000)===
*'''Is that a raincoat?'''
**Who: Paul Allen
**Note: Last words before being axed to death by Patrick Bateman; Patrick wore the raincoat so he wouldn't get blood on his clothes.

*'''What are you doing? Stop that!'''
**Who: Rich lady
**Note: The lady witnessed an insane Patrick Bateman trying to feed a stray cat to an ATM; Bateman shoots the woman shortly thereafter, resulting in a firefight with police.

*'''Burning the midnight oil, Mr. Smith? Hey, don't forget to sign in.'''
**Who: Security guard
**Note: Having escaped a firefight with police, Patrick Bateman is attempting to reach his office so he can call his lawyer to defend him. He finds, however, that he has walked into the wrong building, and when he realizes that the security guard has seen his face and could now tell the police he had been inside the building and act as a witness against him in court, he kills the security guard (as well as a janitor who also saw him there) before entering the correct building.

===''[[An American Werewolf in London]]'' (1981)===
*'''You really scared me, you shithead.'''
**Who: Jack Goodman ([[w:Griffin Dunne|Griffin Dunne]])
**Note: Said right before the werewolf pounces on him.

*'''Good lord...!'''
**Who: Gerald Bringsley ([[w:Michael Carter|Michael Carter]])
**Note: Said when encountering David as a werewolf in the London Underground, who chases him down and kills him.

*'''Go away. Please, go away. Please...RUN!'''
**Who: David Kessler ([[w:David Naughton (actor)|David Naughton]])
**Note: Last words before his last transformation into a werewolf, he is later cornered by the police and shot to death.

===''[[Angels &amp; Demons (film)|Angels &amp; Demons]]'' (2009)===
*'''Be careful. These are men of God.'''
**Who: The Hassassin
**Note: Last words before he is killed by a car bomb.

*'''You bastard! SANCTIMONIOUS BASTARD!'''
**Who: Father Simeon
**Note: Last words, said to Patrick McKenna when he realizes what he has done, before he tries to bash him with a branding iron and is gunned down.

*'''Put it down.'''
**Who: Commander Richter
**Note: Said to Patrick McKenna, who is threatening him with a red-hot branding iron, shortly before he is gunned down.

*'''Father, into thy hands, I commend my spirit.'''
**Who: Camerlengo Patrick McKenna
**Note: Last words before he commits suicide by lighting himself on fire.

===''[[w:Animal Kingdom (film)|Animal Kingdom]]'' (2010)===
*'''It's a crazy fuckin' world....'''
**Who: Andrew &quot;Pope&quot; Cody
**Note: Said right before his nephew, Joshua &quot;J&quot; Cody, shoots him in the head as revenge for killing his girlfriend.

===''[[w:Animal Farm]]'' (1954)===

===''[[w:Animal Farm]]'' (1999)===

===''[[w:Animal Farm]]'' (2026)===

===''[[Apocalypse Now]]'' (1979)===
*'''A spear....'''
** Who: Chief Philips (Albert Hall)
** Note: Has just been impaled by a spear thrown by natives.

*'''I'm asleep. I'm asleep and I'm dreaming I'm on this shitty boat. Fuck...has it been 8 hours?'''
** Who: Jay 'Chef' Hicks (Frederic Forrest)
** Note: Is decapitated offscreen shortly after uttering these words.

*'''The horror...the horror...'''
** Who: Colonel Kurtz ([[Marlon Brando]])
** Also: Mr. Kurtz in ''Heart of Darkness'' by [[Joseph Conrad]], on which ''Apocalypse Now'' was based.

===''[[Armageddon (film)|Armageddon]]'' (1998)===
*'''HARRY!!!''' (Harry Stamper: I'm bailing!) (Chick: MAX!!!) (Rockhound: Goodbye, Max.) (Harry Stamper: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!) (Rockhound: Take care, buddy.)
** Who: Max
** Note: He trapped inside the vehicles, and screamed Harry Stamper's name. the gas pocket ignites and blasts the vehicle off the rock killing Max in the process.

*'''We win, Gracie!''' (Dan Truman: PRESS IT!!!)
** Who: Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis)
** Note: Sacrifices himself to save the world and so that his daughter can marry her fiancee. Says it right before triggering the bomb and dies in the explosion.

===''Assassins'' (1997)===
*'''You know, as long as you are out there, I'll never be number one. So...want to say goodbye, Booby? Huh?!'''
**Who: Miguel Bain
**Note: The young and greedy assassin seeking to steal Robert Rath's spot as number one assassin. In their final battle, the two shoot Nicolai dead, but then Miguel announces he wants to make good on this word. But Rath utilizes Electra's sunglasses and bids &quot;Goodbye, Miguel.&quot; before firing shots harmlessly through is own jacket and ending Miguel's life for good.

===''[[Atonement (film)|Atonement]]'' (2007)===
*'''You won't hear another word from me, I promise.'''
**Who: Robbie Turner
**Note: Robbie is dying of septicemia on the beach at Dunkirk and is shouting in his sleep; his friend Tommy gently comforts him and he falls asleep and dies.

*'''J'ai peur...j'ai peur...Tallis?'''
**Who: Luc, the French soldier
**Note: ''J'ai peur'' is French for &quot;I'm afraid&quot;. The delirious soldier is dying from a head wound and converses with Nurse Briony Tallis, speaking to her as though she is a girl he once loved. She holds his hand and tells him her name is Briony, breaking the rule about being on first-name basis with patients, and he dies.

===''[[Avatar (2009 film)|Avatar]]'' (2009)===
*'''Daughter...take...my...bow. Protect The People.'''
**Who: Eytucan
**Note: Said to his daughter, Neytiri, before dying of wounds inflicted when the Hometree is destroyed.

*'''I'm with her Jake. She's real.'''
**Who: Dr. Grace Augustine
**Note: Said in regards to Eywa, the Na'vi deity, who they were trying to get to save her through an ancient ritual. She then dies of her wounds.

*'''Rogue One is hit. I'm going in. Sorry Jake.'''
**Who: Trudy Chacon
**Note: Said as her ship is crashing before it is destroyed by missile fire.

*'''Fall back! Fall back!'''
**Who: Lyle Wainfleet
**Note: Said as his men are charged by a group of Hammerhead Titanothere, before one of them knocks his mech over and crushes him. He was resurrected as a recombinant (recom) in the second film.

*'''You think you're one of them? Time to wake up!'''
**Who: Colonel Miles Quaritch
**Note: Said to Jake before going to kill his unconscious body determined to finish him once and for all. He is then attacked by Jake and is shot in the chest, twice, by Neytiri before he can kill Jake. He was resurrected as a recombinant (recom) in the second film.

*'''I will be remembered. I fought with Toruk Makto. He was my brother. And he...was my last shadow.'''
**Who: Tsu'tey
**Note: Said to Jake Sully, after being mortally wounded in the final battle. Jake then kills him.

===''[[Avatar: The Way of Water]]'' (2022)===
*'''Dad... I want to go home... Dad, I...'''
**Who: Neteyam
**Note: Said to Jake Sully, after being mortally shot by an RDA soldier.

===''[[Avatar: Fire and Ash]]'' (2025)===
*'''You will protect her?'''
**Who: Ronal
**Note: Said to Neytiri, after being mortally wounded and giving birth to Pril.

*'''No! No!'''
**Who: Captain Mick Scoresby
**Note: Said as he was being dragged by Ta'nok into the depths of the sea.

*'''Abandon ship.'''
**Who: General Frances Ardmore
**Note: Said as she ordered the crew to abandon ship, she stayed behind and perished along with it when it was sucked and destroyed by the Flux Devil.

===''[[The Avengers (2012 film)|The Avengers]]'' (2012)===
:See [[Last words in Marvel Cinematic Universe media]]

===''[[Avengers: Age of Ultron]]'' (2015)===
:See [[Last words in Marvel Cinematic Universe media]]

===''[[Air Force One]]'' (1997)===
*'''No!'''
*Who: Air Force One pilot
**Note: Said before Ivan Korshunov shot him during the hijacking scene.

*'''You made one mistake, when you killed my pilot, Mr President! No-one left to fly the plane, and no parachute. Whatever happens, you lose and I win!'''
*Who: Ivan Korshunov
**Note: Said before President James Marshall strangles him with a cord and then throws him off Air Force One with a parachute, angrily shouting &quot;Get off my plane!&quot; in the process.

*'''This is Halo 2 they lost countermeasures. I'm going in. AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!'''
*Who: Halo 2
**Note: Said when an F-15 pilot sacrificed himself to save Air Force One from a missile.

*'''That's impossible, sir! I have to take you!'''
**Who: Parajumper Rescue man
**Note: Said before Gibbs shot him dead

*'''Mr. President, it's time to get you off this plane! Go, sir, go! Please, go!'''
*It was you?!
*Who: Major Normal Caldwell
**Note: Caldwell and the parajumper say their lines to persuade the President to leave them behind to escape Air Force One as it goes down, running out of fuel. At that moment, Gibbs reveals himself as a mole, then shoots Caldwell and the parajumper.

*'''No!'''
*Who: Agent Gibbs
**Note: Said before Air Force One crashes into the Caspian Sea.

*'''Aaahhhh!!'''
*Who: MiG-29 pilot
**Note: said before a missile struck his aircraft.

==B==
===''[[Backdraft (film)|Backdraft]]''===
*'''Come on, Adcox. Is that a gas line?'''
**Who: Denis McCaffrey

*'''Let me go, Bull!'''
**Who: John &quot;Axe&quot; Adcox
**Notes: At the fire at the chemical plant, Adcox had revealed he was the one behind the fires that killed Seagrave, Cosgrove and Holcomb, because they and Swayzak were shutting down firehouses. As he and Stephen McCaffrey hang for dear life, Adcox pleads this, but they both fall. Adcox is burned alive as he falls.

*'''I'm tired of hearing the sirens.'''
**Who: Stephen McCaffrey

===''[[Bad Boys II]]''===
*'''They can't help you. You're staying in Cuba...!'''
**Who: Hector Juan Carlos &quot;Johnny&quot; Tapia
**Notes: The Cuban ecstasy dealer behind the events of the story. He says this as he and Carlos corner Marcus, Syd and Mike at the minefield before Guantanamo Bay. In the distraction of the explosion killing Carlos, Mike dives for his gun and shoots Johnny in the head saving his partner. The lifeless body of Johnny lands on a mine and further dismembers him in the explosion. Seeing this, Marcus responds to Mike's actions &quot;Now that's how you supposed to shoot!&quot;

*'''Gimme the gun!'''
**Who: Carlos
**Notes: One of Johnny's henchmen. When cornering Marcus, Mike and Syd in the minefield before Guantanamo Bay, he barks this to Syd who replies, &quot;Alright, I'm gonna toss it right at your feet; Right next to the mine...!&quot; She throws the gun to the mine, setting it off and blasting Carlos to death.

===''[[w:Bad Company (2002 film)|Bad Company]]''===
*'''You're jeopardizing the mission!'''
**Who: Kevin Pope
**Notes: With his mission in the Czech Republic compromised, he tries to warn Gaylord Oakes, but is assured he is &quot;the mission&quot;. Terrorist Dragan Adjanic easily shoots Kevin in the back.

*'''You take sides in conflicts you know nothing about, dictating to other people how they should live. You're so keen on playing god. Ha ha. Now's your chance to meet him.''' (Oakes: I'll give you three seconds, then I'll kill her!) '''Go ahead!'''
**Who: Dragan Adjanic
**Notes: The Czech terrorist behind the suitcase nuclear bomb threat in New York. He confronts Jake Hayes and Oakes in a storage room with Julie as his hostage and warns about how Jake has played God. Jake then pretends to shoot Oakes and the two gun the terrorist down.

===''[[w:Bad Moon|Bad Moon]]''===
*'''Do it. Finish it.'''
**Who: Ted Harrison
**Notes: Character suffers from lycanthropy, and after nearly killing his sister and her son, he urges their dog Thor to kill him and end the threat.

===''[[w:Bad Reputation|Bad Reputation]]''===
*'''Yeah, you tried to stop them, until you thought it might threaten your spot on the pep squad! God, you're the worst of all of them! You knew it was wrong, and you didn't do a goddamn thing to stop it!'''
**Who: Michelle Rosen
**Notes: Character attacks Wendy, who kills her in self-defense.character never dies

===''[[Bad Taste]]'' (1987)===
*'''Shit.'''
**Who: Lord Crumb
**Note: Character escapes in his spaceship after his stay on Earth. Derek had sneaked aboard the spaceship and kills Lord Crumb with a chainsaw.

===''[[Bad Times at the El Royale]]'' (2018)===
*'''Listen.'''
**Who: Dwight Broadbeck
**Note: Character attempts to negotiate for his life when he is held at gunpoint with a double-barreled shotgun. Before he can continue, he is shot in the chest and is killed.

*'''Easy there, altar boy.'''
**Who: Billy Lee
**Note: Being held at gunpoint with a revolver, Miles Miller does not hesitate to shoot Lee in the head, effectively killing him.

===''[[w:The Ballad of Jack and Rose|The Ballad of Jack and Rose]]'' (2005)===
*'''Forgive me.'''
**Who: Jack Slavin
**Note: Jack believes he has damaged his daughter Rose by raising her in an overly sheltered way, confusing her about the ways of life. They fall asleep together, and he dies due to complications from a long-term heart problem.

===''[[Barton Fink]]'' (1991)===
*'''Mundt! Show yourself!'''
**Who: Detective Deutsch
**Note: Says this before trying to capture Carl &quot;Madman&quot; Mundt. After Deutsch's partner, Detective Mastrionotti is shot, Deutsch attempts to run, but is shot in the leg, and shortly afterwards the head.

*'''He's complying.'''
**Who: Detective Mastrionotti
**Note: Says this before being shot dead by salesman Charlie Meadows, a.k.a. serial killer Carl &quot;Madman&quot; Mundt.

===''[[Batman]]''===
:''See ''[[last words in Batman media|''last words in ''Batman'' media'']]''.''

===''[[w:Battle Beyond the Stars|Battle Beyond the Stars]]'' (1980)===
*'''THAT CAN'T BE!!! I WANT TO LIVE FOREVER!!!...I want to live forever.'''
**Who: Sador
**Note: His battlecruiser, badly damaged, is blowing up around him. It finally explodes immediately after.

===''[[Battle Royale (film)|Battle Royale]]'' (2000)===
*'''Shuya!'''
**Who: Yoshitoki &quot;Nobu&quot; Kuninobu
**Note: Said as the teacher Kitano demonstrates the explosive collar on him to his classmates who will be forced to partake in Battle Royale. As Shuya cries out to him, the collar detonates on Nobu's neck, scattering blood from his throat.

*'''What am I going to do? What is this?'''
**Who: Mayumi Tendo
**Note: Said while wandering with an arrow fired in her neck by Akamatsu. She collapses dead by Nanahara.

*'''Shit! What am I doing?!'''
**Who: Yoshio Akamatsu
**Note: Cries this after losing his crossbow. Kazushi Niida shows up with the crossbow asking if its his, and before Akamatsu can get it, Niida unexpectedly fires a fatal crossbow shot at the student.

*'''He's not listening.''' ''[Kiriyama spits gum in Ryuhei's face]'' '''Asshole!'''
**Who: Ryuhei Sasagawa
**Note: Said this while holding Kiriyama at gunpoint. But on reflex, Kiriyama for the thrill steals his Uzi and kills Numai and his troupe including Ryuhei.

*'''Why? Stop...'''
**Who: Izumi Kanai
**Note: Pleads this after her friends are gunned down by Kiriyama at the beach at night. But Kiriyama guns her down too.

*'''Maybe someone will save us.'''
**Who: Kazuhiko Yamamoto
*'''No. Let's go... Here goes...'''
**Who: Sakura Ogawa
**Note: As Yamamoto cries the first line, Sakura says the second rather than partake in the Battle Royale. So, the two jump to their deaths on the beach rocks below.

*'''Mitsuko! Don't!'''
**Who: Megumi Eto
**Note: Cries this after Mitsuko takes her tazer and gets her throat cut by the latter's kama sickle. Mitsuko then explains how Yoji Kuramoto and Yoshimi Yahagi hung themselves then barks &quot;I won't die like THAT!&quot; and slits her throat.

*'''I'm sorry. I'm fine. I'm fine.'''
**Who: Tatsumichi Oki
**Note: Said after a hatchet is unexpectly turned on him by Shuya Nanahara. He dies seconds after from the axe in his brain.

*'''X=B over 2A. No, B squared minus 4AC. Everyone's serious, huh? Fine. I'll survive, and get into a good school.''' ''[But then Shogo Kawada fires on Motobuchi]'' '''Don't try and stop me!'''
**Who: Kyoichi Motobuchi
**Note: Said while trying to take out Nanahara and Nakagawa, but then Kawada intervenes and kills him with his shotgun before taking his revolver.

*'''You bitch. Murderer!'''
**Who: Hirono Shimizu
**Note: Said accusing Mitsuko of murdering Kuramoto, Yoshimi and Megumi. Mitsuko just dismisses it and guns Hirono down as she tries to run.

*'''Wow! I survived thanks to my great bullet-proof vest!'''
**Who: Toshimori Oda
**Note: Said after surviving a barrage of Kiriyama's bullets thanks to his bulletproof vest. This gives his position away as Kiriyama draws a katana from above and cuts his head off.

*'''Super! Marry me, Chisato!'''
**Who: Yuka Nakagawa
**Note: Said as she eats the spaghetti which had been poisoned with potassium cyanide by Yuko (intended for Nanahara acusing him of killing Oki). As the girls discuss the escape plan, the poison kills Yuka in seconds.

*'''At least I thought I'd live until tomorrow.'''
**Who: Satomi Noda
**Note: Said in the aftermath of a Mexican standoff in the lighthouse dining room then the dying Yukie shoots Satomi dead.

*'''I'm sorry, Nanahara. I forgot how much I liked all of them.'''
**Who: Yuko Sakaki
**Note: Said in the aftermath of the Mexican standoff in the lighthouse dining room to Nanahara, then jumps off the top of the lighthouse to her death on the rocks. Nanahara frantically says &quot;I don't know what any of it means!&quot;

*'''I just don't want to be a loser anymore.'''
**Who: Mitsuko Souma
**Note: As she is gunned down by Kiriyama, Mitsuko's last thoughts are narrated by her.

*'''Shit! Goddamn it!'''
**Who: Shinji Mimura
**Note: Said cursing Kiriyama who had ambushed his friends, Iijima and Yutaka and killed them. Then, Mimura in a fury detonates the truck he was going to ram the school where the Battle Royale was being controlled from and blinds Kiriyama.

*'''The last one... Cookies sure were good.'''
**Who: Teacher Kitano
**Note: Said after being mortally wounded by Nakagawa and Nanahara even as the teacher scares them with a water pistol. He dies after consuming the late cookie.

*'''Her parting words. &quot;Thank you. At the end...&quot;'''
*'''At the end, I'm glad I found a true friend.'''
**Who: Shogo Kawada
**Note: The first part is spoken with Kawada having suffered bad internal injuries from fighting Kiriyama and survives long enough to pilot the boat to carry Nanahara and Nakagawa back to the mainland. He dies as his last thoughts are narrated.

===''[[w:Beloved Infidel|Beloved Infidel]]'' (1959)===
*'''I owe you so much, Sheilo. And I'll make it up to you. I'll make it all up to you.'''
**Who: F. Scott Fitzgerald
**Note: Said while conversing with Sheilah Graham by the Christmas tree about visiting Europe one way. Suddenly, his alcohol causes him to have a heart attack and collapses. Despite Sheilah's efforts to get a neighbor and medical authorities, Scott is confirmed dead.

===''[[Ben-Hur (1959 film)|Ben-Hur]]'' (1959)===
*'''Look for them in the Valley of the Lepers, if you can recognize them. It goes on. It goes on, Judah. The race...the race is not over!'''
**Who: Messala
**Note: Said this to Judah Ben-Hur after he was badly hurt in the chariot race, Judah asked him where his mother and sister were.

===''[[Beowulf (2007 film)|Beowulf]]'' (2007)===
*'''Too late for lies, Wiglaf...too late...'''
**Who: Beowulf

===''[[Beauty and the Beast (2017 film)|Beauty and the Beast]]'' (2017)===
*'''Don't let me go. Please, I'll do anything. Don't hurt me, Beast.'''
**Who: Gaston
**Note: Said this to convince the Beast to spare him after realizing that he cannot win. He then shoots the Beast twice, but as a result of doing so, falls off the castle to his death when a footbridge in which he was standing breaks apart.

===''Beverly Hills Cop'' series===
====''[[Beverly Hills Cop]]''====
*'''Be careful, old boy. You might hit me.'''
**Who: Victor Maitland
**Notes: An art gallery owner smuggling drugs, Axel confronts Maitland in his home as the latter holds Jenny hostage. Maitland dares this, just as Bogomill arrives. After Jenny breaks free, Bogomill and Foley riddle Maitland in gunfire.

====''[[Beverly Hills Cop II]]''====
*'''Mr. Foley...You involved yourself in business that doesn't concern you. That was a mistake!'''
**Who: Maxwell Dent
**Notes: The true villain behind the Alphabet Crimes, Maxwell Dent confronts Axel Foley in his warehouse. He then attempts to make a getaway, but Foley shoots him in the head, causing his car to crash down a slope and burst into flames. 

*'''Goodbye, Mr. Foley.'''
**Who: Karla Fry
**Notes: Maxwell Dent's sidekick in the Alphabet Crimes, after her boss is killed, Karla bids her foe, Axel Foley, farewell and prepares to kill him, but is shot dead by Taggart.

====''[[Beverly Hills Cop III]]''====
*'''Axel, you on a coffee break? Go get that son of a bitch.'''
**Who: Insp. G. Douglas Todd
**Notes: Foley's superior, he is injured by DeWald. In his dying breaths, Todd scolds Foley for being on coffee break, then implores him to chase DeWald down.

*'''So long, Foley.'''
**Who: Agent Steve Fulbright
**Notes: A Secret Service Agent who was supposedly working on a counterfeit investigation. When Axel Foley exposes him as one of the culprits on a dark ride at Wonder World, Fulbright bids this to Foley and tries to shoot him. But Foley gets into a fight and shoots the agent dead.

====''[[Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F]]''====
* '''Okay. You know, I lost my family. Wife divorced me. Kids won't even talk to me. And for what?'''
**Who: Captain Cade Grant

===''[[Bicentennial Man (film)|Bicentennial Man]]''===
*'''Old habit. I started my existence as a robot. I still like to be told certain things.'''
**Who: Andrew Martin
**Note: Andrew Martin, having lived as a robot since being activated in 2005, has turned into a real human over the course of 200 years. In 2205, he is on his death bed, alongside his wife, Portia, as they await the World Congress' decision to legally announce that Andrew is now human. While waiting, Andrew says this line to Portia when she asks him why does he need the World Congress' approval. As the Speaker of the World Congress finally announces on a TV broadcast that Andrew Martin is recognized as the oldest, non-biblical human being in history, Andrew dies before he hears the decision. Portia then asks their nurse to turn off her life-support machine so she can follow her husband into the afterlife.

===''[[Big Fish]]''===
*'''Exactly.'''
**Who: Edward Bloom
**Note: Character, a noted tall-tale teller, had often bragged of knowing how his death was to happen. On his deathbed, he asked his son Will to tell the story; though Will was unsure of the tale, he invented an elaborate story in the same vein as his father. Edward sighed deeply at hearing the story, and died peacefully.

===''[[The Big Lebowski]]'' (1998)===
*'''I got eighteen dollars, Dude.'''
**Who: Theodore Donald 'Donny' Kerabatsos ([[w:Steve Buscemi|Steve Buscemi]])

===''[[w:Big Nothing|Big Nothing]]'' (2006)===
*'''Well I'll be...I haven't heard Pink Floyd in years.'''
**Who: Mrs. Smalls ([[w:Mimi Rogers|Mimi Rogers]])
**Note: After an axe has been lodged in her forehead, causing her to stumble and then collapse into a chair. There is a Pink Floyd song called &quot;[[w:Careful With That Axe, Eugene|Careful With That Axe, Eugene]]&quot;.

*'''Don't spend it all in one place.'''
**Who: Charlie ([[w:David Schwimmer|David Schwimmer]])
**Note: Charlie has just been forced to drink poison by his accomplice in stealing $2,000,000. She then opens the bag to find that the money has been replaced with stuffed animals.

===''[[Big Trouble in Little China]]'' (1986)===
*'''Good knife. Goodbye, Mr. Burton.'''
**Who: David Lo Pan
**Note: Said before throwing a knife at Burton, who catches it and throws it back at Lo, hitting him in the face.

===''[[w:Billion Dollar Brain|Billion Dollar Brain]]'' (1967)===
*'''I'm gonna crucify every red athiest, and I'm gonna destroy the pagan communists FOREVER!'''
**Who: General Midwinter
**Note: Said confident that he can save the world from communism even if it means plunging it into a nuclear apocalypse. But Colonel Stok's bomber planes intercept blasting the icy river with bombs and sinking Midwinter and all his men to an icy watery grave.

===''[[w:Black Sheep (2006 film)|Black Sheep]]'' (2006)===
*'''It's not far...just a quick trip, through the trees...'''
**Who: Doctor Rush
**Note: She tries to get back to her lab through the forest while running away from the sheep. She trips and is quickly cornered by the sheep, who kill her.

*'''My babies...have me again.'''
**Who: Angus OldField
**Note: After turning back into a human (he had turned into a were-sheep), he tried to get bitten again by the infected sheep so he could turn back but they end up eating him instead.

===''[[w:Black Sunday (1977 film)|Black Sunday]]'' (1977)===
*'''I'm ready! When're you gonna shoot?'''
**Who: Old Watchman
**Note: Said thinking he's about to get his picture taken never knowing that Dahlia and Lander are testing a poisonous dart cannon. Lander activates the flash and sprays the darts all over the shed and the unfortunate old man.

*'''Give us some more time! Cover me!&quot;
**Who: Michael J. Lander
**Note: Said to Dahlia to stop Kabakov's pursuing police helicopter as their bring the Goodyear blimp wired with the poisonous darts to spray all over the Super Bowl. Kabakov mortally wounds him with machine gun fire as he says &quot;I THINK I GOT BOTH OF THEM, BUT IT'S STILL GOING ON!&quot; Lander using his last ounce of strength manages to light the backup fuse when the blimp is at the Super Bowl stadium then dies. Fortunately, Kabakov hook the blimp to their helicopter and carry it to a safe distance over the water for a safe distance detonation.

===[[w:Blade (film series)|''Blade'' series]]===
====''[[Blade (film)|Blade]]'' (1998)====
*[Blade: What's in here?] '''Nothing! It's a storeroom. But you're wasting your time. There's nothing of importance to anyone.''' [Blade: Then you won't mind if I take a peek.] '''NO!!!'''
**Who: Pearl
**Note: Character is burned to death with a UV lamp.

*'''Hey! I'm gonna rip your fuckin' head off!'''
**Who: Raquel
**Note: Said before attacking Blade, who shoots and kills her.

*'''You will never rule us!'''
**Who: Gitano Dragonetti
**Note: Character warns this to Deacon Frost who plucks out two of his fangs. Quinn then taunts to him, &quot;Sorry, old dog. You just got too long in the tooth.&quot; Seconds after that, Frost and his crew watch with protective gear as Gitano is burned alive by the morning sunlight.

*'''Eric, I'm your mother. You wouldn't hurt your mother would you? Come here...'''
**Who: Vanessa Brooks
**Note: Character was a vampire who in life had been Blade's mother (Eric is Blade's first name). She says this after Blade has disarmed her before hugging him, he then reluctantly stabs her in the heart with a sharpened bone.

*'''Nice shot.'''
**Who: Deacon Frost
**Note: Said after Blade throws his sword, which flies upward and sticks into a wall. The sword dislodges a packet of vials of a vampire-killing serum, which Blade then injects Frost with, causing him to swell up and explode.

====''[[Blade II]]'' (2002)====
*'''Kill me now, Chupa!'''
**Who: Priest
**Note: Said after being infected by a Reaper, which was causing him tremendous pain. He is then killed by Blade after Chupa and Snowman are unable to do so.

*'''Oh, great.'''
**Who: Scud
**Note: Said when the bomb in his hands, which he thought was a dud, is reactivated.

*'''Like my daddy said right before he killed my mom, &quot;If ya want somethin' done right, ya gotta do it yourself&quot;. He also said... '''[Blade: Do you blush?]
**Who: Reinhardt
**Note: Said before trying to kill Blade with his own sword. Blade then blocks him and takes his sword back before cutting him in half.

*'''Nyssa...'''
**Who: Eli Damaskinos
**Note: Said after crawling to his daughter's feet, after having his throat bit out by Nomak.

*'''It's strange. It hurts...it hurts no more...'''
**Who: Jared Nomak
**Note: Said in regards to the constant burning pain he felt because of the Reaper Virus. He then pushes Blade's sword into his heart, killing himself.

*'''I can already feel it, burning inside me. I want to die while I’m still a vampire. I want to see the sun.'''
**Who: Nyssa
**Note: Said in regards to the Reaper Virus, having been bitten by Nomak. Blade then takes her outside, where she burns up at sunrise.

====''[[Blade: Trinity]]'' (2004)====
*'''Get out, Blade!'''
**Who: Whistler
**Note: Said before detonating a bomb that blows up his base and the police officers closing in on him, along with himself.

*'''You broke my arm!'''
**Who: Jarko Grimwood
**Note: Said while fighting Hannibal King who eventually sets a silver nitrate bomb in his mouth and burns him to ashes.

*'''Give it up, King. Come on, give it up. Give it up. Give it up. Give it up.'''
**Who: Danica Talos
**Note: Said while strangling Hannibal King, before Day Star kills her.

*'''Funny, isn't it? All this time, my people were trying to create a new kind of vampire...when one already existed. I don't need to survive. The future of our race lies with you. You fought with honor. I respect that. So allow me a parting gift. But know this. Sooner or later...the thirst always wins.'''
**Who: Drake/Dracula
**Note: Said to Blade before succumbing to the effects of Day Star.

===''[[Blade Runner]]'' (1982)===
*'''Wake up! Time to die!'''
**Who: Leon Kowalski ([[w:Brion James|Brion James]])
**Note: Said while attacking Rick Deckard, before being shot in the head.

*[Roy Batty: I've done questionable things.] '''Also extraordinary things. Revel in your time.''' [Roy Batty: Nothing the god of biomechanics wouldn't let you in Heaven for.]
**Who: Dr. Eldon Tyrell
**Note: Roy then crushes Tyrell's skull and gouges out his eyes with his bare hands.

*'''I've...seen things...you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-Beams...glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All those...moments will be lost...in time...like tears...in the rain. Time...to die.'''
**Who: Roy Batty ([[w:Rutger Hauer|Rutger Hauer]])
**Note: Said as his 4 year lifespan is running out. He expires after this line.
**See also: [[w:Tears in rain monologue|Tears in rain monologue]]

===''[[Blazing Saddles]]'' (1974)===
*'''How did he do such fantastic stunts...with such little feet?!'''
**Who: Hedley Lamarr ([[w:Harvey Korman|Harvey Korman]])
**Notes: Said at the footprints of [[w:Douglas Fairbanks|Douglas Fairbanks]]

===''[[Blood Diamond]]'' (2006)===
*'''TIA...eh, Danny?'''
**Who: Colonel Coetzee
**Notes: TIA stands for &quot;This Is Africa&quot;, a saying used to passively describe the state of the country. Coetzee says this after being shot, non-fatally, by Danny before being killed.

*'''It's all right. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.'''
**Who: Danny Archer

===''[[Blood Simple]]'' (1984)===
*'''Then you shouldn't have done it. Can't have it both ways. Count it and go.'''
**Who: Julian Marty
**Note: Character is referring to money being paid to Loren Visser for killing his wife, Abby, and her lover, Ray. Visser soon draws a gun and shoots Marty.

*'''Well, ma'am, if I see him, I'll sure give him the message.'''
**Who: Loren Visser
**Note: Character is referring to the deceased Julian Marty. Abby, having just shot Visser through a cracked door, had just said, &quot;I'm not afraid of you, Marty.&quot;

===''[[w:Body Melt|Body Melt]]'' (1993)===
*'''The first phase is hallucinogenic. The second phase is glandular. And the third phase is... AAAAARGH!'''
**Who: Ryan
**Note: As he drives to Pebbles Court in an attempt to warn its residents not to use Vimuville's vitamins, Ryan, whose body is starting to mutate uncontrollably after being overdosed with the vitamins in question, tries to record a warning on a dictaphone, but is killed when he crashes his car and goes through the windshield before he can complete it. He is then finished off when tentacles sprout from his neck and smother him to death.

*'''Dr. Carrera, can you come over? Now?'''
**Who: Cheryl Rand
**Note: After her placenta suddenly detaches itself from her body, becomes animated and starts scuttling around her house, Cheryl calls Dr. Carrera for help. Not long afterwards, her unborn child explodes into a cloud of gas, bursting open her stomach and killing her.

*'''Cheryl!'''
**Who: Brian Rand
**Note: Said after finding his wife apparently intending to stab herself in the stomach with a letter opener, before her disembodied placenta attacks him. He's subsequently arrested for her murder, and while the detectives find evidence of his innocence, this comes too late to save Brian, who dies in a later scene after repeatedly projectile vomiting large amounts of green slime around the police station.

*'''Ladies and gentlemen, this one will be over the fucking top!'''
**Who: Brandon Noble.
**Note: After doing some tricks on Vimuville's skating ramp, Brandon says this before attempting a 720-degree flip, only for it to go disastrously wrong and lead to him crashing face-first into the ramp. His body then slowly disintegrates during the night from the effects of Vimuville's vitamin-laced food.

*'''I'm alright. I'll be fine.'''
**Who: Thompson Noble
**Note: Said to his wife, as he's in the middle of a sneezing fit, which eventually causes his head to dissolve into a lump of mucus.

*'''Elloise!'''
**Who: Angelica Noble
**Note: On finding the remains of her husband, Angelica calls out to her daughter. She dies in a subsequent scene when the food she's eaten, laced with Vimuville's vitamins, causes her tongue to grow in size until it suffocates her.

*'''Vimuville. The best place in the world for your body.'''
**Who: Shaan
**Note: On being found by Elloise Noble with her face partially melted, Shaan mumbles this in a clearly incoherent state. Elloise tries to get her attention by slapping her around the face, but this instead causes Shaan's head to collapse in on itself.

*'''No, not quite, Detective Phillips.'''
**Who: Dr. Carerra
**Note: Carrera, one of the main designers of Vimuville's vitamins, gives a speech after being cornered in Shaan's office by the two detectives. Phillips asks if he's finished, to which Carrera states this before shooting himself in the head.

===''[[The Boondock Saints]]'' (1999)===
*'''Don't ever stop! Go, get out of here! Don't stop!'''
**Who: David Della Rocco
**Note: The MacManus brothers and Rocco infiltrate Joe Yakavetta's headquarters to finish off his family, but are captured. Joe kills Rocco in an attempt to intimidate the brothers.

===[[w:Bourne (film series)|''Bourne'' series]]===
====''[[The Bourne Identity (2002 film)|The Bourne Identity]]'' (2002)====
*'''&quot;We&quot;? No, ''you.'' You need to bring me that bastard Kane's head, put it in front of this house, and show them what kind of war we are fighting!
**Who: Nykwana Wombosi
*'''Look at this. Look at what they make you give.'''
**Who: The Professor
*'''Where are you gonna go?!'''
**Who: Alexander Conklin

====''[[The Bourne Supremacy (film)|The Bourne Supremacy]]'' (2004)====
*'''Yes, you do.'''
**Who: Marie Kreutz
**Note: After their location in India was discovered, Jason and Marie try to outrun an assassin sent after them.  Originally, Jason was the one supposed to die, but after switching seats while driving in their vehicle, the assassin assumed Jason to be driving.  Jason tells Marie they don't have a choice to do what they were doing.  Marie says this line, and is then shot in the back of the head, causing the vehicle to swerve off the bridge it's currently on.

*'''Go out in the back. I have another car.'''
**Who: Jarda
**Notes: A fellow Treadstone assassin who engages in combat with Bourne and is killed in self-defense.

*'''Well, if you put a 4-kilowatt--'''
**Who: Daniel &quot;Danny&quot; Zorn
**Notes: An electrician who inadvertently discovers Ward's plot to frame Bourne for the murder of CIA operatives. Strangled to death by Ward Abbott, in the midst of re-explaining the evidence to Abbott.

*'''I'm not sorry.'''
**Who: Ward Abbott
**Notes: Character was a traitor in the CIA, and had just been revealed as such by Bourne. He commits suicide in Pamela Landy's presence.

====''[[The Bourne Ultimatum (film)|The Bourne Ultimatum]]'' (2007)====
*'''I don't think I should wait. I think someone's coming. I'm going for it!'''
**Who: Simon Ross
**Notes: An investigative journalist at ''The Guardian'' writing about Operation Treadstone. Shot in the head by Paz in the midst of Waterloo Station.

*'''Hello.'''
**Who: Neal Daniels
**Notes: The whistleblower who gave information about Treadstone to Ross. Blown up by a car bomb.

====''[[Jason Bourne]]'' (2016)====
*'''No. Don't.'''
**Who: Nicolette &quot;Nicky&quot; Parsons
**Notes: CIA Agent turned Hacktivist who makes Jason aware of new knowledge concerning his past. Shot in the head by the Asset as she and Bourne attempt to escape the CIA's clutches.

*'''Listen to me, David. I've done something. Something... that came at a cost. One day, you'll understand why. I gotta get back to Washington. I love you, son.'''
**Who: Richard Webb
**Notes: David Webb/Jason Bourne's father. After learning his son was selected for the Treadstone program, he attempted to expose it to the public. Later assassinated by the CIA via car bomb, who then frame it as a terrorist attack.

*'''Please...'''
**Who: Malcolm Smith
**Notes: Helped plan the logistics of Richard Webb's assassination. Used as a human shield by Bourne after the Asset closes in on their location.

*'''You're never gonna find any peace. Not until you admit to yourself who you really are. It's time to come in, Jason. It's time to come in...'''
**Who: CIA Director Robert Dewey
**Notes: Shot by Heather Lee, his subordinate, after a failed attempt to shoot Bourne in the back of the head.

*'''You're a traitor. You've always been a traitor... It's in your blood!'''
**Who: The Asset
**Notes: The killer of Bourne's father. Neck broken via strangulation.

===''[[Braveheart]]'' (1995)===
*'''''Freeeedom!!!'''''
**Who: William Wallace ([[Mel Gibson]])
**Note: Character was heavily tortured and asked to surrender before being executed.

===''[[The Brave Little Toaster (film)|The Brave Little Toaster]]'' (1987)===
*'''Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.''' [Lampy: &quot;Dim&quot;?!] [Toaster: Yeah. Because the Master never played with you.] [Kirby: 'Cause you're stuck in the wall!] ''[angrily]'' '''So, it's back to ''that'' stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on in here? I know what goes on in this cottage. It's a conspiracy. And every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just 'cause ''you'' can move around, you think you're better than I am! I'M NOT AN INVALID; I WAS ''DESIGNED'' TO STICK IN A WALL!! I ''LIKE'' BEING ''STUCK IN THIS STUPID WALL!'' I CAN'T HELP IT IF THE KID WAS ''TOO SHORT TO REACH MY DIALS!''''' [Toaster: We didn't mean it!  Really!] '''''IT'S MY FUNCTION!!!!''''' [Toaster: Don't! Wait! Wait!] [Kirby: ''[alarmed]'' ''HE'S GONNA BLOW!''] [Toaster: ''YANK YOUR CORDS!!!''] [Kirby: ''THE FUSE!'']
**Who: Air Conditioner
**Note: After being insulted by Kirby, character gets angry and overheats before blowing himself up. After the appliances lament character's loss, Kirby says, &quot;Well, he was a jerk anyway.&quot; Later on in the film, after finding the cabin in a mess, the Master, Rob, fixes the air conditioner and restores him to life, making him as good as new.
*'''He'll see us this time.'''
**Who: Toaster
**Note: Toaster was referring to Rob coming back and seeing them instead of missing them at Ernie's Disposal. But it turns out to be the magnet crane instead and they try to run. Toaster has no other lines before jumping into the machine's gears to jam them, sacrificing himself to save Rob and the other appliances from being crushed by the machine. Later, Rob manages to fix Toaster making him good as new.

===''[[Bride of Frankenstein]]'' (1935)===
*'''We belong dead.'''
**Who: The Monster ([[w:Boris Karloff|Boris Karloff]])

===''[[The Bridge on the River Kwai]]'' (1957)===
*'''What have I done?'''
**Who: Col. Nicholson
**Note: The colonel who helps the Japanese build the bridge. When the bridge is attacked by Maj. Warden's team, he questions his actions while Warden has fired a mortar shell. The shell's shrapnel gravely wounds him and with his strength already failing, he falls dead onto the plunger blowing up the bridge he had helped Col. Saito build and crashes the Japanese train in the process.

===''[[Broken Arrow (1996 film)|Broken Arrow]]'' (1996)===
*'''And why not?'''
**Who: Chief Rhodes
**Note: Rhodes along with Kelly find the nuke but are ambushed by some mercenaries and just as Rhodes was about to disarm the nuke, Kelly replies to Rhodes “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that Chief.” Much to Rhodes confusion and shoots him dead replying to the other mercenaries “All clear!”.

*'''Oh, God! Oh, God! How does that gunship fit into your strategy?! You don't know what you're doing! This is out of control! I must have been...'''
**Who: Pritchett
**Note: Pritchett berates Deakins for allowing the helicopter to give chase. Deakins, fed up with Pritchett's complaining, kills him by hitting his throat with a baton.

*'''You probably thought I was a computer nerd, didn't ya? Wrong! I was a Navy SEAL, lady. You really should see what I can do... with just my thumb.'''
**Who: Max
**Note: Gets into fight with Terry Carmichael and easily overpowers her and rants to her that he was Navy SEAL. Just as Max draws his gun, Terry throws a hammer she was wielding at Max striking him in the head killing him.

*'''Let’s give those guys a haircut!'''
**Who: Colonel Wilkins
**Notes: He and his pilot provide air support while Riley rescues Terry from Deakins and the mercenaries, Wilkins is injured by Deakins and Kelly firing at him in the helicopter and is killed along with the pilot when they crash into a mountain by a tunnel.

*'''What the fuck are you doin’? Shut that son of a bitch down, now! This ain’t what I signed on for! I’m not ready to die. Not for you.'''
**Who: Kelly
**Note: Deakins decides to shorten the countdown timer out of spite. Horrified at what Deakins was doing and not wanting to die, Kelly holds Deakins at gunpoint and orders him to disarm the weapon. Hale sneaks up on them during their bickering and kicks Kelly out of the boxcar to his death.

*'''Your brain presses against your skull and it feels like this!'''
**Who: Major Vic &quot;Deak&quot; Deakins
**Note: He says this line while fighting Captain Riley Hale explaining what happens when you're knocked out. This is his last line. Riley later replies &quot;Feel anything like THAT?!&quot;. Deakins was killed when the missile hits him and explodes.

===''[[Bruce Almighty]]'' (2003)===
*'''You win! I’m done. Please, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be God! I want You to decide what's right for me! I SURRENDER TO YOUR WILL!'''
**Who: Bruce Nolan ([[Jim Carrey]])
**Note: Last words before being hit by a truck. Bruce &quot;dies&quot; for a short period of time, ending up in heaven where he decides he doesn't want to have God's powers anymore. They both agree and God helps him recover from the accident.

===''[[Bubba Ho-Tep]]'' (2002)===
*'''Thank you...thank you very much.'''
**Who: Elvis

===''[[Bug (2006 film)|Bug]]'' (2006)===
*'''I love you.'''
**Who: Agnes White ([[w:Ashley Judd|Ashley Judd]]) 
**Note: Last words before bursting into an inferno of flames.

===''[[Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid]]'' (1969)===
*'''Wait a minute, you didn't see Lefors out there did you?'''
*'''Lefors? No, why?'''
*'''Oh, good. For a moment there I thought we were in trouble.'''
**Who: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
**Notes: Cornered by the Bolivian authorities, Butch and Sundance had hoped to escape to Australia, and relieved that Lefors is not among the authorities, the two race out shooting, only to be gunned down off camera.

==C==
===''[[Caddyshack]]'' (1980)===
*'''OH, RAT FARTS‼️'''
**Who: The Bishop
**Note: The Bishop adamantly refuses to call off a round of golf as he is performing exceptionally well despite the weather conditions descending to almost hurricane strength winds accompanied with lightning by the time he reaches the final hole. Missing the putt on an otherwise flawless game he bellows out the line with putter still in hand. The club acting acting as a lightning rod promptly catches a bolt.

===''[[w:Caligula (film)|Caligula]]'' (1979)===
*'''No. Nothing at all. Just... sleep.'''
**Who: Nerva
**Note: With Nerva having cut his wrists in order to commit suicide rather than witness Caligula's impending reign as emperor, Caligula asks him if he can see the afterlife. When Nerva says that he can't, Caligula angrily finishes him off by holding him underwater until he drowns.

*'''Give it to me.'''
**Who: Tiberius
**Note: After Caligula takes the emperor's ring on Tiberius' apparent death, Tiberius wakes up and demands it back. The head of his bodyguard, Macro, then enters and smothers Tiberius with a pillow.

*'''Don't you dare!'''
**Who: Macro
**Note: Said to his former bodyguards, after Caligula pressures Gemellus into publicly naming Macro as Tiberius' murder, and then bribes Macro's soldiers into following their new leader, Chaerea. Macro initially tries to resist, but realizes the situation to be hopeless, and is subsequently beheaded by a gigantic contraption in a later scene.

*'''No! Please, no!'''
**Who: Gemellus
**Note: Shouted out by Gemellus after Caligula orders him taken away and executed on trumped-up charges of treason.

*'''I heard the voice of Caesar. But your daughter did not.'''
**Who: Drusilla
**Note: Said to Caligula, who minutes earlier mistakenly announced his first child as a son, without bothering to find out her actual gender. Drusilla then falls ill with a fever, which subsequently kills her.

*'''Divine Caesar, please. What have I done? Why am I here?''' [Caligula: Treason] '''Treason? I have always been loyal to you!''' 
**Who: Proculus
**Note: Having already been violated along with his wife by Caligula on their wedding day, Caligula has Proculus tortured and executed for no reason other than his own amusement.

*'''You...!'''
**Who: Caesonia
**Note: After witnessing the beginning of Caligula's assassination, with Chaerea stabbing her husband, Caesonia screams and furiously rushes Chaerea, who reacts by stabbing her through the heart, killing her instantly.

*'''No!'''
**Who: Julia Drusilla
**Note: Upon seeing her mother killed and her father severely wounded, Caligula's young daughter shouts this out before one of Longinus' servants snatches her from the arms of her nurse and brutally smashes her head into the palace steps, killing her.

*'''I... live. I... LIVE!'''
**Who: Caligula
**Note: Already wounded and on the verge of death, Caligula defiantly grasps Chaerea one last time and says this as Chaerea stabs him again. Caligula then collapses and then his bodyguards stab him dozens of times with their spears until he is unquestionably dead, before Claudius is crowned as the new emperor.

===''[[w:Cannibal! The Musical|Cannibal! The Musical]]'' (1993)===
*[sung] '''We can make him tall or we can make him not so tall!'''
**Who: Israel Swan
**Note: After wandering the Colorado Rockies for days the group asks what they should do and Swan begins to sing &quot;Let's Build a Snowman&quot; for the second time. Fed up with his singing, Bell shoots him in the head.

*'''He killed Swan. It's only fair.'''
**Who: James Humphrey ([[w: Matt Stone|Matt Stone]])
**Note: The group discusses who they should kill first and James suggest Bell. Packer returns to the camp and finds Humphrey, Miller and Noon all killed by Bell.

*'''We can't do it, Packer. We can't even stand up.'''
**Who: George &quot;California&quot; Noon
**Note: The group discusses who they should kill first and James suggest Bell. Packer returns to the camp and finds Humphrey, Miller and Noon all killed by Bell.

*[sung] '''That's all we're asking for.'''
**Who: Frank Miller
**Note: The group discusses who they should kill first and James suggest Bell. Packer returns to the camp and finds Humphrey, Miller and Noon all killed by Bell.

*'''Hey, you can't do that, jerky!'''
**Who: Frenchy Cabazon
**Note: After Polly announced that Packer was innocent (and therefore, did not have to be hanged), Frenchie rushed the hanging post out of anger and tried to hang Packer himself. The Ute chief rescues Packer and chops off Frenchie's head.

===''[[Captain America: The First Avenger]]'' (2011)===
*'''The first of many. Cut off one head, two more shall take its place. Hail HYDRA.'''
**Who: Dr Heinz Kruger
**Note: Character is under interrogation by Captain America, but he avoids this by committing suicide with a cyanide capsule.

*'''Cut off one head, two more shall-'''
**Who: HYDRA soldier.
**Note: Before he can finish this line, character is shot by Col. Philips, who then remarks &quot;Let's go find two more.&quot;

===''[[The Care Bears Movie]]'' (1985)===
*'''Stop! Please! Don't close me!'''
**Who: The Evil Spirit

===''[[Carlito's Way]]'' (1993)===
*'''Gail...Gail...'''
*'''Sorry, boys, all the stitches in the world can’t sew me together again...Lay down. Lay down. Gonna stretch me out in Fernandez Funeral Home on 109th street... Always knew I’d make a stop there, but a lot later than a whole gang of people thought. Last of the Mo-Rican’s. Well, maybe not the last. Gail’s gonna be a good mom. New, improved Carlito Brigante. Hope she uses the money to get out. No room in this city for big hearts like hers...Sorry, baby, I tried the best I could. Honest. Can’t come with me on this trip, though... Gettin' the shakes now. Last call for drinks. Bar’s closin’ down. Sun’s out. Where we goin’ for breakfast? Don’t wanna go far...Rough night. Tired, baby...Tired...'''
**Who: Carlito Brigante
**Note: Character has two lines after being shot by Benny Blanco. The first line is saying Gail's name. The second line is his narration while being carried as he shuts his eyes aware he will not survive the night.

===''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]'' (1942)===
*'''You must help me, Rick!''' [is dragged away] '''RICK!! RICK!!'''
**Who: Ugarte

*''[on the phone]'' '''Hello?''' [Rick: ''[aiming his gun at him]'' Put that phone down!] '''Get me the radio tower!''' [Rick: Put it down!]
**Who: Major Strasser
**Note: Rick Blaine had warned Strasser to stay away from the phone, shooting him after he says this command.

===''[[Casino (film)|Casino]]'' (1995)===
*'''Oh! Oh no! No...'''
**Who: Ginger McKenna
**Note: Says this before collapsing from a drug overdose in a motel hallway.

*'''No balls, you got no fuckin' balls. Oh, Dominick. Oh, Dom. Dominick. Dominick...Dominick.'''
**Who: Nicky Santoro
**Note: Says this after watching his brother being beat to death with baseball bats by his former crew. He is then beat the same way and buried alive.

===''[[w:Casshern (film)|Casshern]]'' (2004)===
*'''Luna. I'm sorry. Never look back.'''
**Who: Dr Kozuki
**Notes: Said to his daughter, Luna, after being mortally wounded by Sagure.

*'''A vision...of how it might've been...of peace...'''
**Who: Sagure
**Notes: Said when Barashin asks what she sees. She had been mortally wounded by Casshern during their fight.

*'''It's okay now. Forget it. All forgiven. I hope...you're at peace now.'''
**Who: Barashin
**Notes: Character was mortally wounded by Casshern. Said in reference to Sagure, who was his sister.

*'''Let me just...get in here...'''
**Who: Kaoru Naito
**Notes: Said while trying to get to the Neo-Cell tanks. Character had been wounded in an explosion.

*'''Don't give up. End the fighting.'''
**Who: Midori Azuma
**Notes: Said to Tetsuya, before she dies later, off screen.

*'''You vermin are our ancestors. Mutant trash, I'll tidy myself!'';
**Who: Kamijo
**Notes: Said to Burai, who he then starts shooting at. Burai advances on him, and he pulls the pin on a grenade, killing them both.

*'''I don't see anything. I don't see it at all.'''
**Who: Burai
**Note: Said after temporarily surviving the grenade explosion. He refers to the vision of the perfect world the other Neo-Sapiens saw when they died.

*'''Do you know what it is to love? I'll soon bring her back.'''
**Who: Dr. Azuma
**Notes: Character says the first sentence before shooting Luna in the head. He says the second in reference to his wife, whom Tetsuya refused to let him try and revive. Tetsuya then attacks and kills him.

*'''Run...this isn't really me...I can't help what I'm doing...I don't want to hurt you...I want to run away...from the pain...from everything...start all over...'''
**Who: Luna Kazuki
**Notes: Character was revived through Burai's blood, but his hatred was infecting her. Was blown up moments later.

*'''I know. Let's end the hatred here. I didn't want to cause more pain but it came to this. You won't be alone again. I'll be with you always. Just us two from now on.'''
**Who: Tetsuya Azuma/Casshern
**Notes: Said to Luna, moments before he is destroyed by his own body.

===''[[Casper (film)|Casper]]'' (1995)===
*'''Sorry, sweetheart. We're through.''' ['''Carrigan:''' ''[angry gasp]'' I am not gonna forget this, you lousy little worm, you!] ''[chortles]'' '''Oh, you can haunt me all you want, but it's gonna be in a great big, expensive house with lovely purple wallpaper and great big green carpets and a little dog called Carrigan, a bitch just like you. ''I'' got the power. ''I'' got the treasure.''' ['''Carrigan:''' And you have a flight to catch.] '''Huh? ''AAAAAAAAAH!'''''
**Who: Paul &quot;Dibs&quot; Plutzker
**Notes: Says this in betrayal of Carrigan, who is now a ghost, only for the latter to throw him out the window of the mansion.

*['''Dibs:''' Oh, you can haunt me all you want, but it's gonna be in a great big, expensive house with lovely purple wallpaper and great big green carpets and a little dog called Carrigan, a bitch just like you. ''I'' got the power. ''I'' got the treasure.] '''And you have a flight to catch.''' ['''Dibs:''' Huh? '''''AAAAAAAAAH!'''''] '''Any other takers?''' ['''Casper:''' No. But aren't you forgetting something?] '''What?''' ['''Casper:''' Your unfinished business.] '''My what?''' ['''Kat Harvey:''' You know, unfinished business. All ghosts have unfinished business. That's why they don't cross over.] '''Unfinished business? I ''have'' no unfinished business. I have my treasure, my mansion. I have everything. I'm just perfect.''' ''[laughs evilly, thinking she had won, but stops at seeing herself cross over]'' '''Wait! Wait! I lied. I have unfinished business, lots of unfinished business! I-I'm not ready to cross over yet! Wait! You tricked me, you rotten little brats! AAAAAAAAAAH!'''
**Who: Carrigan Crittenden
**Notes: Says this as her ghost crosses over after being tricked by Casper and Kat into saying she has no &quot;unfinished business&quot;.

===''Cat People'' (1982)===
*'''OLIVER!'''
**Who: Paul Gallier (Malcolm McDowell)
**Notes: Character transforms into a panther and attacks Oliver Yates, but is shot dead by Alice Perrin.

*'''Then free me. Free me. Make love to me again. I want to live with my own. My own.'''
**Who: Irena Gallier (Nastassja Kinski)
**Notes: Though the character lives, these are the last words she says as a human, choosing to become a panther permanently.

===''[[Charlotte's Web (1973 film)|Charlotte's Web]]'' (1973)===
*'''I'm thinking of your life, Wilbur. Nothing can harm you now.''' ''[sings]'' '''The autumn days grow short and cold; / It's Christmas time again. / Then snows of winter slowly melt. / The day grows short, / And then... / He turns the seasons around, / And so she changes...her gown: / Mother Earth...and Father Time. /''' ''[words are slowly being reduced to a whisper]'' '''How very special are we... / For just a moment...to be... / Part of life's...eternal...rhyme.'''
**Who: Charlotte A. Cavatica
**Note: A dying Charlotte is unable to move her 514 unborn children into Wilbur's crate and sadly informs the pig that she can't return to the farm. Fortunately, they ask Templeton the rat to move the eggs safely into the crate, which he does. Unlike the original novel, Wilbur stays around to hear Charlotte's last words of her swan song before the spider lets out her final breath, leaving him heartbroken at her death.

===''[[Charlotte's Web (2006 film)|Charlotte's Web]]'' (2006)===
*'''Goodbye...my sweet, sweet Wilbur.'''
**Who: Charlotte A. Cavatica
**Note: A dying Charlotte is unable to go back to the barn with Wilbur, so Templeton takes her egg sac with them. Like the novel, she dies shortly after Wilbur's departure.

===''[[Changeling (film)|Changeling]]'' (2008)===
*'''No. Nothing. I kept clean after I confessed, Reverend, just like I said I would. Will it...Will it hurt? Please, please, not so fast. Please, don't make me walk so fast! Please, don't make me! No, I don't wanna. No! Thirteen steps. Thirteen steps. But I didn't touch them all, you bastards. I didn't touch them all. I didn't touch them all. Please! A prayer! Please! God! Please! Somebody here, please, say a prayer for me! No, God. No! No! No! Silent night, holy night. All is calm, all is bright. Round yon Virgin, mother and child.'''
**Who: [[Gordon Stewart Northcott]]
**Note: Said before being executed by hanging after Northcott was convicted of murdering innocent children and Walter Collins in the first degree.

===''[[Children of Men]]'' (2006)===
*'''Cover Kee!'''
**Who: Julian Taylor
**Note: Said when the car she is in comes under attack, before she is shot in the throat.

*'''Pull my finger.''' [character is shot in the hand] '''Fuck you!''' [throws severed finger at shooter, is shot again] '''Pull my finger.''' [shot and killed]
**Who: Jasper Palmer
**Note: A repeated joke for the character. Said to Luke.

*'''Please come to our aid...'''
**Miram
**Note: Gets out of the bus and Hooded to be shot.

*'''I had a sister. Theo! Theo!'''
**Who: Luke
**Note: Said as Theo runs away with Kee, before a tank shell blows him up.

*'''Oh...Jesus...'''
**Who: Theodore Faron
**Note: Said in regards to the gunshot he's sustained. After Kee says she'll name her baby after Julian and his dead child, he smiles and slumps dead.

===''[[Chloe (film)|Chloe]]'' (2009)===
*'''I want you to kiss me.'''
**Who: Chloe Sweeney
**Note: Character said this before she got accidentally pushed by Catherine into the bedroom window and let herself fall to her death.

===''[[The Chronicles of Narnia (film series)|The Chronicles of Narnia]]'' series===
====''[[The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe]]'' (2005)====
*'''Impossible!'''
**Who: White Witch
**Note: Character said this when she sees Aslan, whom she had earlier killed. She is killed when he pounces on her and bites out her throat.

====''[[The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian]]'' (2008)====
*'''I'll deal with you when this is over.'''
**Who: King Miraz
**Note: Said to Lord Sopespian, who had constantly tried to undermine his rule. Sopespian then stabs him in the back with an arrow, killing him.

*'''Charge!'''
**Who: Lord Sopespian
**Note: Yelled to his men before charging across a bridge towards Aslan and Lucy. Aslan then summons the River God, who destroys the bridge and washes Sopespian away.

===[[The Chronicles of Riddick (franchise)|''The Chronicles of Riddick'']] franchise===
====''[[Pitch Black (film)|Pitch Black]]'' (2000)====
*'''Don't touch that handle!'''
**Who: Greg Owens
**Note: Said when he wakes up after the ship crashes, referring to before the crash, when he warned Fry not to pull a handle to disengage the passenger compartment. He dies of his wounds shortly after.

*'''Oh my god. I thought I was the only one to get out of the crash alive.'''
**Who: Total Stranger
**Note: The character, otherwise unnamed, has just found some of the survivors of the crash. He is shot to death by Zeke, who thought that he was Riddick.

*'''Shit!'''
**Who: Sharon &quot;Shazza&quot; Montgomery
**Note: Said after the Sand Cat they were riding in runs out of energy, due to it being solar powered. She attempts to flee from the swarm of grue that attack, but only manages to dodge the first swarm and is killed by the second.

*'''I was supposed to die in France. I never even saw France.'''
**Who: Paris P. Ogilvie
**Note: Said after being stabbed by a grue, after running from the main group. He then spits some wine into a torch, and is ripped apart by the large group of grue that he illuminates.

*'''Like who?'''
**Who: William J. Johns
**Note: The character had suggested killing Jack, and dragging her a few feet behind them, as she was the one the grue were smelling. Riddick then suggests &quot;bigger meat&quot;, after which Johns says this line before Riddick and he fight. He is knocked out of the range of their light and killed by a grue.

*'''Okay, hold onto me. Hold onto me. We're getting out of here. I got you. Come on. Come on Riddick get up! Get up! Get up! I said I'd die for them, not you! Let's move! Come on. Come on. All right.'''
**Who: Carolyn Fry
**Note: Said while trying to get a wounded Riddick to the escape shuttle. Just as they reach there, she is impaled by a grue and dragged away into the darkness.

====''[[The Chronicles of Riddick]]'' (2004)====
*'''There will be an afterlife for me. Will there be for you?'''
**Who: Abu &quot;Imam&quot; al-Walid
**Note: Said as he prepares to attack a Necromonger in order to protect his family. He is quickly killed by the much more skilled fighter.

*'''RIDDICK!!!'''
**Who: Toombs
**Note: Said after being left in a cage, between the cages of two hellhounds. Character may not have died, but the hounds were breaking the bars that separated them when the scene cut away.

*'''So, you gonna kill me now?'''
**Who: Eve Logan
**Note: Said to Riddick as he approaches her, mortally wounded by prison guards. Though Riddick does not kill her and walks away, she must have died shortly afterward.

*'''The Necromonger in me warns you not to go back. But the Furyan in me...hopes you won't listen. God knows...I've dreamed of it.'''
**Who: The Purifier
**Note: Said to Riddick before he walks out into the sunlight of Cremetoria, which burns him to a cinder. Before he says &quot;God knows...I've dreamed of it&quot;, he gives Riddick a blade. His line refers to the fact that the other Necromongers believe that Riddick is dead.

*'''Vaako?'''
**Who: Lord Marshal Zhylaw
**Note: He has called for Vaako's assistance against Riddick. Vaako, however, moves to assassinate him, and Zhylaw dodges into the path of Riddick, who drives his knife through his skull.

*'''I was always with you. I was.'''
**Who: Kyra/Jack
**Note: Character had been impaled on a spike after attacking the Lord Marshal. Riddick repeated an earlier question (&quot;Are you with me, Kyra?&quot;) and she says this before dying.

====''[[w:The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury|The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury]]'' (2004)====
*'''Huh!?'''
**Who: Junner
**Note: Said during a fight with Riddick, after he cuts a wire thrown around his neck, unaware that it controls the lights. He is then stabbed through the eye by Riddick.

*'''Back to hell with you! You bloody, stinking savage!'''
**Who: Antonia Chillingsworth
**Note: Said after attacking Riddick, who has killed most of her crew and many of her specimens. She has her head blown off by Jack before she can finish Riddick off.

===''[[Citizen Kane]]'' (1941)===
*'''Rosebud...'''
**Who: [[w:Charles Foster Kane|Charles Foster Kane]] ([[Orson Welles]])
**Note: Said before dying and the snow globe falls off his hands as it shatters right after whispering this word through the extreme close-up shot of his mouth. The rest of the movie focuses around his dying word. At the very end of the film, it is revealed that when he was young, he had a sled known as &quot;Rosebud.&quot;

===''[[w:Cinderella (2015 Disney film)|Cinderella]]'' (2015)===
*'''I love you.'''
**Who: Ella's Mother
**Note: Said before she passes away from a grave illness.

*'''I love you, too!'''
**Who: Ella's Father
**Note: Said before he takes ill and dies during his trip.

*'''I love you, son.'''
**Who: The King
**Note: Said before he passes away on his deathbed.

===''[[Clerks (film)|Clerks]]'' (1994)===
*'''Oh thank you, sonny boy, I appreciate it.'''
**Who: Jewish man
**Note: He had requested to use the restroom at the Quik Stop and asked for an adult magazine to read. He is found dead later on in the movie from a heart attack caused by him gratifying himself.

===''[[Click (2006 film)|Click]]'' (2006)===
*'''Bill, Bill, Bill.''' [flips him off but he signifies an okay sign, indicating he's made peace with him; holding Donna's hand] '''I'm sorry.'''
**Who: Michael Newman ([[Adam Sandler]])
**Note: The character says this line to his family on the street. He dies of cancer after that. However, it is soon revealed that this and the events that took place after he acquired the remote were in a dream sequence.

===''[[Cliffhanger (film)|Cliffhanger]]'' (1993)===
*'''I'm at the cases; Standing by.'''
**Who: Treasury Co-Pilot (Kim Robillard)
**Note: Said whilst preparing to send the stolen money cases over to Qualen's plane, but is caught in the act by an injured Matheson and shot, sending him falling out of the jet.

*'''You fuck...!'''
**Who: Agent Matheson (Vyto Ruginis)
**Note: Said before killing the rogue pilot who's in league with Eric Qualen. He fights a gun battle trying to stop the heist of the money and kills some of the members of Qualen's gang, but fails to spot Travers' bomb in time and is blown up along with the jet meant to carry the cases of money.

*'''Time to kill a mountain man. It amazes me, in this day and age, when a man will put money before the personal safety of himself and his bitch. At least you can go to your grave knowing that I'm gonna treat the bitch RIGHT!'''
**Who: Kynette (Leon Robinson)
**Note: Said knowing Gabe Walker will refuse to surrender the money to him without a fight. However, Gabe hits him in the groin and pushes him up to a stalagmite impaling him.

*'''Look, I came here to help you.'''
**Who: Ranger Frank (Ralph White)
**Note: Said when he is surprised when Kristel aims his own gun at him. Delmar replies, &quot;You did!&quot; and aims his sub-machine gun at him. Hal Tucker tries to warn him, but Delmar guns him down. In his dying breaths, he mouths inaudible words to Hal who angrily barbs, &quot;This man never hurt anybody!&quot;

*'''What are you doing, Eric?''' [Qualen: Do you know what real love is?] '''No.'''
**Who: Kristel (Caroline Goodall)
**Note: Said as Qualen holds her at gunpoint and says &quot;Sacrifice, then shoots her in the abdomen, killing her.

*'''Striker lines up at the penalty spot. He focuses on the ball. The crowd is on its feet. The striker moves to his left. He draws back his foot. He comes in.'''
**Who: Delmar (Craig Fairbrass)
**Note: Said while trying to kick Hal Tucker over the cliffs, then insanely snickers while trying to loosen the climber's grip. Thankfully, Hal stabs him in the leg, steals his shotgun and declares &quot;Season's over, asshole!&quot; then blasts him, sending Delmar falling to his death.

*'''I won, Walker!'''
**Who: Richard Travers (Rex Linn)
**Note: Said thinking he can finish Gabe Walker who is swimming under a frozen lake. But Gabe uses an underwater pistol to shoot through and kill Travers, sending the rogue agent to an icy watery grave.

*'''We've had a deal; And now we've just got each other! You're not afraid to die?!'''
**Who: Eric Qualen (John Lithgow)
**Note: Said while fighting Gabe Walker on the dangling rescue helicopter. Gabe breaks free then gives him a beat down and a gloat &quot;Remember, shithead; Keep your arms and legs in the vehicle...at all TIMES!&quot; then punches Qualen into the helicopter, sending both it and the screaming villain falling to a fiery death.

===''[[Cloverfield]]'' (2008)===
*'''Why did you stop?!'''
**Who: Jason Hawkins
**Note: While trying to escape New York by means of the Brooklyn Bridge, the group gets separated by the pushing crowd.  As they get separated, the monster appears again.  Jason, unaware of this, climbs a lamppost and asks why the others stopped; as he does, the monster's tail inadvertently destroys the bridge, sending Jason and hundreds of other people to their deaths.

*'''Yes there are pieces falling off, and whatever they are they are moving...Oh my God...They're moving, oh my-OH MY GOD!!!!''' ''[becomes unintelligible screaming]'' 
**Who: A news reporter
**Note: As the military begins attacking the monster, a news reporter reporting from the ground talks about the creature.  She is asked about the parasites falling off the creature, and as she reports the parasites begin attacking her.

*'''Hud? I don't feel so good...'''
**Who: Marlena Diamond
**Note: Character had previously been bitten by a parasitic creature, which causes her to begin to bleed out of her eyes, nose, and mouth. She is escorted behind a screen by the military, where her body expands and viscerally explodes.

*'''What-OH!...Oh no...oh...'''
**Who: Hudson &quot;Hud&quot; Platt 
**Note: After the helicopter the army used to evacuate citizens crashes, Hud, Rob, and Beth find themselves in Central Park. While helping an injured Rob out of the wreckage, Hud drops the camera he has used to record the events of the monster's attack on the city. As he runs to retrieve it, he finds himself in the shadow of the monster itself; paralyzed by fear, he films it as it looks around, notices him, and eventually snaps him up in its jaws and bites him in half.

*'''Look at me! Look at me! Look at me. I love you!'''
**Who: Rob Hawkins
**Note: Character was speaking to Elizabeth McIntyre just before an array of bombs was set off in an effort to destroy a huge monster attacking New York City. His death is highly probable; however, some suggest that he did survive.

*'''I love you!'''
**Who: Elizabeth McIntyre
**Note: Character was responding to Rob Hawkins just before bombs were dropped on Manhattan in an attempt to destroy an enormous sea monster. Her death is likely, although a supposed alternative ending suggests her survival.

===''[[Clue (film)|Clue]]'' (1985)===
*'''Dinner will be ready at 7:30.'''
**Who: The Cook
**Note: The character speaks once in the film, and she doesn't speak for the rest of her appearances. She was later found dead with the dagger.

*'''The only way to avoid finding yourselves on the front pages, is for one of you to kill Wadsworth...NOW!'''
**Who: Mr. Boddy
**Note: The character was blackmailing the guests and, in an attempt to save himself from jail, attempted to get Wadsworth killed to stop both himself and the guests from being exposed, but the plan backfired when he turned out the lights, so he pretends to be killed. He was later found dead with candlestick wounds.

*'''I'm a little nervous. I'm in this big house and I've been locked into the lounge. [the person on the phone says something] Yes. The funny thing is, there's a whole group of people here having some sort of party, and one of them is my old boss from-'''
**Who: The Motorist
**Note: One of Mr. Boddy's informers, character was talking on a telephone to another person, while the murderer crept up behind him and killed him in one blow with the wrench.

*'''They must have. And not just my face. They know every inch of my body. And they're not the only ones...IT'S YOU!!!'''
**Who: Yvette
**Note: She was strangled with the rope in the billiard room.

*'''No, I'm not on duty, but I have a feeling that I'm in danger. You know that big ugly house on top-Hello? Hello? Are you there?'''
**Who: The Cop
**Note: Character, like the motorist, was talking on the phone while the murderer crept up behind him, cut the phone line, and then killed him with the lead pipe.

*'''Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh...I-am-your singing telegram!'''
**Who: The Singing Telegram Lady
**Note: Character appeared at the door and sang her message before being shot with the revolver.

*'''Good shot, Green...Very good.'''
**Who: Wadsworth/Mr. Boddy 
**Note: Character has just been shot by Mr. Green. (True ending).

===''[[Collateral (film)|Collateral]]'' (2004)===
*'''Hey Max...A guy gets on the MTA here in LA and dies. Think anybody will notice?'''
**Who: Vincent
**Note: Character has been mortally wounded after chasing Max onto an MTA train. Character is referencing a story he told Max earlier, about a man who died on the MTA and nobody noticed for six hours.

===''[[Commando (1985 film)|Commando]]'' (1985)===
*'''Kill her.'''
**Who: Arius
**Note: Said to Bennett referring to Jenny, after he receives a phone call announcing that John wasn't on the plane and orders Jenny's execution. Shortly thereafter, Arius is shot by John and falls over a balcony to his death.

*['''John Matrix:''' Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?] '''That's right, Matrix! You did!''' ['''John Matrix:''' I lied.]
**Who: Sully
**Note: Said to John, who is dangling Sully by his leg over a cliff, in response to John asking, &quot;Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?&quot; John then bluntly says, &quot;I lied.&quot; and drops Sully. When Cindy asks of him afterword, John simply says &quot;I let him go.&quot;.

*'''Open your mouth again and I'll nail it shut.'''
**Who: Henrique
**Note: Said to John when John answers, &quot;Just him&quot; to the flight attendant when asked if he has any carry-on luggage. A few moments later, John knocks Henrique out and breaks his neck. John then makes the excuse to the stewardess &quot;Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired.&quot;.

*'''John, I feel good!''' ''[punches John Matrix]'' '''Just like old times!''' ''[punches John Matrix]'' '''What's it feel like to be a dying man?!''' ''[punches John Matrix]'' '''You're a dead man, John!''' ['''John Matrix:''' Bull'''''shit!''''' ''[punches Bennett multiple times]''] '''John, I'm not gonna shoot you between the eyes!''' ''[John Matrix tears off pipe]'' '''I'm gonna shoot you between the balls!''' ''[John Matrix impales Bennett and Bennett groans and dies]'' ['''John Matrix:''' Let off some steam, Bennett.]
**Who: Bennett
**Note: After he's electrocuted, he punches and taunts John, calling him a &quot;dead man&quot;, to which John Matrix replies &quot;Bull'''''shit!'''''&quot; breaks a pipe loose. John Matrix then throws the pipe at Bennett, and it impales him in his chest. Afterwards, John Matrix says &quot;Let off some steam, Bennett.&quot; 

*'''Fuck you, asshole!'''
**Who: Cooke
**Note: Says this while fighting John, only to find that he is out of bullets. A few moments later, Cooke falls backwards onto a table leg which runs him through. 

*'''I thought you might miss me.'''
**Who: Lawson
**Note: Said to Cooke, who he thinks is a garbage man. Cooke responds, &quot;Don't worry, we won't.&quot;, and then he and his partner shoot Lawson dead.

*'''Hey, you can't drive that in here!'''
**Who: Forrestal
**Note: Yells this at Cooke, who is stealing a car, before being run over by Cooke. 

*'''And if you want your kid back, then you gotta cooperate, right?'''
**Who: Diaz
**Note: Said to John, who replies, &quot;Wrong.&quot; and shoots Diaz in the head.

===''[[Con Air]]'' (1997)===
*'''Almost ready?'''
**Who: Starkey
**Notes: One of the guards stationed in Carson City overseeing the transfer of prisoners from the Jailbird. He attempts to stall Cyrus's gang of prisoners with this, which the disguised Cyrus replies &quot;Won't be long now.&quot; Cyrus senses trouble when he sees more police cars and shoots Starkey in the head before he can get a shot off.

*'''Cyrus! Help me!''' [Cyrus: Looks like you missed your connection.] '''We, we were coming to get you. Please. Cy-''' [Cyrus: ...onara.] '''''NOOOO!'''''
**Who: Francisco Cindino
**Notes: A drug lord who planned to leave Cyrus. After Vince Larkin stops him from escaping, Cindino tries to explain himself, but Cyrus doesn't buy it and burns the drug lord alive.

*'''Before I kill you, Poe, I just wanted you to know that the last thing that little Casey Poe ever gets to smell will be my...stinking...breath.'''
**Who: Cyrus &quot;The Virus&quot; Grissom
**Notes: The villain behind the Jailbird hijacking, with the plane crash-landing in Las Vegas, Cyrus gloats that after he kills Cameron Poe, he would go after his daughter Casey. Later after this, after a high-speed chase, Poe replies in kind &quot;You ain't gettin' near my daughter, BUCKLE UP!&quot; then handcuffs Cyrus to the firetruck. Poe leaves Cyrus to die under a piledriver that crushes his head to a pulp.

===''[[Conan the Barbarian (1982 film)|Conan the Barbarian]]'' (1982)===
*'''My child, you have come to me, my son. For who now is your father if it is not me? I am the well spring, from which you flow. When I am gone, you will have never been. What would your world be, without me? My son.'''
**Who: Thulsa Doom
**Note: Spoken as Thulsa tries to hynpotize Conan, but Conan decapitates Thulsa and throws his head down a flight of stairs.

===''[[Conan the Destroyer]]'' (1984)===
*'''too late, my friends. But come; Come anyway.'''
**Who: Toth-Amon
**Notes: A hostile wizard who kidnaps Jehnna to see if she can touch the Heart of Ahriman. After saying this to Conan's party, he engages Conan using the illusion of a ferocious man-ape. After an intense fight, Conan smashes the mirrors and defeats the wizard by slinging his sword at one of the remaining two mirrors. Beaten, Toth-Amon touches the jewel which will only accept Jehnna's hands and is vaporized.

*'''KILL HER! Kill her, she must be sacrificed!'''
**Who: Queen Taramis
**Notes: The wicked queen of Shadizar seeking to revive Dagoth the Dreaming God and rule the world. During the ritual intended to sacrifice her daughter Jehnna, Zula runs the Grand Vizier through with her spear, giving Dagoth an improper sacrifice. Taramis yells this to her fleeing subjects, then tries to sacrifice Jehnna by herself, only for Conan to push the queen into the demonic Dagoth who impales her on his horn.

===''[[Conan the Barbarian (2011 film)|Conan the Barbarian]]'' (2011)===
*'''I love you, son.'''
**Who: Corin
**Notes: Conan's father who is interrogated on a piece of Mask of Acheron with which Khalar Zym plans to rule Hyboria. Despite Conan's attempts to save him from the molten steel, Corin assures his love for his son and is burned alive.

*'''You will never rule, and Maliva will never rise again!'''
**Who: Fassir
**Notes: One of the monks of Shaipur, Fassir is interrogated on the whereabouts of the pureblood of Acheron. Assuring that Khalar Zym will never rule and Maliva will never be resurrected, Zym screams in anger and bashes the monk's head into the ground.

*'''You see? I speak the truth! If you want, he will give your weight in gold for this woman. I will arrange everything. I will deliver the message.'''
**Who: Remo
**Notes: Upon sighting Khalar Zym's army marching to meet him, Remo hopes to make a deal for Conan and Zym. Conan then catapults him the warrior into Zym's flagship, killing him.

*'''MALIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!'''
*Who: Khalar Zym
**Notes: A warlord with the desire to resurrect Maliva and rule the world with her, he attempts to resurrect his wife through Tamara. Just as Corin warned years ago, Conan warns that &quot;god or not&quot; he would fall. As he falls to his death, Zym cries out to his wife.

===''[[Coraline (film)|Coraline]]'' (2009)===
*'''Sorry. So sorry. Mother making me. Don't wanna hurt you. Take It!'''
**Who: Other Father
**Note: The Other Father has been forced to attack Coraline with his mantis machine, only to end up burrowing through a bridge and into the water below; he has just enough time to give Coraline one of the ghosts' eyes before sinking.

*'''Thief! Give it back! Thief! Give it back! Thief! Give it back! Thief! Thief! Give it back! Thief! Give it back! Thief! Stop! Stop! Thief! Thief! Stop!'''
**Who: Other Spink and Forcible
**Note: Other Spink and Forcible have just caught Coraline trying to steal one of the ghosts' eyes from them.

*'''Not even ''that'' anymore.'''
**Who: Other Bobinsky
**Note: Coraline has observed that the Other Bobinsky is just a copy of the real Mr Bobinsky; Other Bobinsky responds with the above lines, before dissolving into a swarm of rats - the leader of which is killed by the Cat.

*'''Don't leave me! Don't leave me, Coraline! I'll die without you! Noooooooo!!!!'''
**Who: Other Mother ([[w:Teri Hatcher|Teri Hatcher]])
**Note: The Other Mother's last spoken words before the Other World collapses around her and she is left unable to feed on Coraline. Her hand manages to escape shortly after and attack Coraline, but is smashed by Wybie and thrown into a well, presumably killing the Other Mother once and for all.

===''[[Cool Hand Luke]]'' (1967)===
*'''What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'''
**Who: Lucas &quot;Luke: Jackson
**Note: Said when faced with the possibility of surrendering peacefully. In response, Boss Godfrey opens fire hitting Luke in the throat. Dragline vents his frustration on Godfrey before being subdued. Despite Godfrey's pleas to save his life, Luke smiles as he is taken to the prison infirmary but dies before arrival.

===''[[The Core]]'' (2003)===
*'''Good morning. Now, before we begin, let me-'''
**Who: David
**Note: Character was about to begin a business meeting, when he suddenly falls unconscious, as do 31 other people across a 10-block-wide area. They are revealed to have died when their pacemakers were short-circuited by a geomagnetic instability.

*'''We got lucky! We can swim right out of this one!'''
**Who: Commander Robert Iverson
**Note: Character says this line before being struck through the head by a crystal and falling into lava.

*'''Josh? Where are you? I can't see you!'''
**Who: Dr. Serge Leveque
**Note: Said to Dr. Josh Keyes as he is being squeezed to death by pressure.

*'''No. Start...the impeller.'''
**Who: Edward &quot;Braz&quot; Brazzelton
**Note: Character says this as he sacrifices himself to deactivate a safety switch, before being incinerated.

*'''From here, in the great, infinite unknowable, man can come to know the most important thing of all: himself. He can understand...What am I doing?''' [laughter]
**Who: Dr. Conrad Zimsky
**Note: Said while recording final thoughts as he awaits a nuclear bomb to explode, killing him.

===''[[Corpse Bride]]'' (2005)===
*[Maggot: Let me have him! Let me have him! No! Don't-Dont hold me back!] [Elder Gutneckt: Wait! We must abide by their rules! We are amongst the living!] '''Well said.'''
**Who: Barkis Bittern ([[w:Richard E. Grant|Richard E. Grant]])
**Note: After this line is said, the character drinks from a goblet of poisonous wine that causes his heart to stop beating forever.

===''[[Crank (film)|Crank]]'' (2006)===
*'''Hey doll, looks like I let you down again. It's like all my life I've just been going, going, going. Wish I'd taken more time to stop and smell the roses so to speak. Guess it's too late for that now. You're the greatest, baby.'''
**Who: Chev Chelios
**Note: Said to his girlfriend on a cell phone as he falls from a helicopter to his death. In the sequel, the character &quot;got better&quot;.

===''[[Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon]]'' (2000)===
*'''I would rather be a ghost, drifting by your side as a condemned soul, than enter heaven without you. Because of your love, I will never be a lonely spirit.'''
**Who: Li Mu Bai ([[w:Chow Yun Fat|Chow Yun Fat]])

===''[[The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (film)|The Curious Case of Benjamin Button]]'' (2008)===
*'''Good night, Benjamin.'''
**Who: Daisy Williams

==D==
===''[[The Da Vinci Code (film)|The Da Vinci Code]]'' (2006)===
*'''I am a ghost.'''
**Who: Silas

===''[[Dante's Peak]]'' (1997)===

===''[[Daredevil (film)|Daredevil]]'' (2003)===
*'''Help me.'''
**Who: [[w: Elektra Natchios|Elektra Natchios]]
**Note: Last words to [[w: Daredevil (Marvel Comics)|Daredevil]] (real name: Matt Murdock), after crawling to him after being stabbed by [[w: Bullseye (comics)|Bullseye]]. In the Marvel comic book [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daredevil_%28Marvel_Comics29#Frank_Miller.2C_the_Kingpin_and_ninjas Daredevil #181], her last word is &quot;Matt...&quot;. It should also be noted that she is resurrected later on.

===''[[w:Darkman|Darkman]]'' (1990)===
*'''His name's Robert G. Durant! I told you where they make the pickup!''' ''[screams under the water torture]'' '''Oh, God! Don't! I've told you everything!'''
**Who: Rick Anderson
**Note: Says these while being tortured for information by Darkman who was once Peyton Westlake until he was heavily scarred by the fiery explosion. Darkman recognizing him for killing his assistant and friend Yakitito calmly says &quot;I know Rick. I know you did...&quot; then barbs &quot;But let's pretend you didn't!&quot; then traps him in heavy traffic until a truck crushes Rick's head to a pulp.

*'''What money? I swear to God, Mr. Durant, I didn't make the pickup. I've been right here sleeping; Jesus, I swear to God. I don't even know how I got dressed!
**Who: Pauly Mazzuchelli
**Note: Tries to explain these after Darkman masquerading as him had extended his sleep with chloroform, planted evidence of stealing money from Durant and intending to go away with the recently murdered Rick to Rio de Janeiro. Durant setting the plane ticket in Pauly's shirt pocket bids &quot;Have a nice flight.&quot; then throws his supposed traitor out the window of his apartment landing fatally on a car.

*'''Don't shoot, Smiley, it's Guzman!'''
**Who: Rudy Guzman
**Note: Pleads this wearing a synthetic mask of Westlake's former face before being riddled with machine gun fire carelessly by Smiley. By the time Smiley realizes he shot his friend accidentally, he curses &quot;Holy shit...!&quot;

*'''Oh, shit!'''
**Who: Smiley
**Note: Said after spotting that Darkman has begun spraying gas all over his hideaway lab and even fools the insane henchman with a hologram drinking bird. Then, the real drinking bird ignites a cigarette lighter away from Smiley igniting the gas blowing Smiley and the hideaway up.

*'''No! Noooooooo-!'''
**Who: Robert G. Durant
**Note: After Darkman hooks the gangster's helicopter to a truck, he taunts &quot;Kiss your ass goodbye!&quot; while Durant cries this before he and his helicopter crew are killed in the crash at a tunnel entrance possibly. Darkman then takes his time to taunt &quot;Burn in hell!&quot;

*'''Go ahead! Do it! Do it, Westlake! But think of this; You let me die, and you become as bad as me, worse! Ha ha! you can't! I know you too well. Dropping me is not really an option for you. It's not something you could live with.'''
**Who: Louis Strack Jr.
**Note: Taunts these when Darkman has him dangling from one of Strack's under construction skyscrapers. After a moment of hesitation, Darkman releases his grip and lets Strack fall to his death on the pavement while saying &quot;I'm learning to live with a lot of thing...&quot;

===''[[The Day After Tomorrow]]'' (2004)===
*'''I'm just now leaving the office.'''
**Who: Taka
**Note: Taka receives a call from his wife wondering where he is, before a huge hailstorm strikes and kills Taka.

*'''God! Oh my...God!'''
**Who: Geoff
**Note: Character is watching in horror as tornadoes destroy Los Angeles.  As he gets into a car to escape, one of the tornadoes drops a bus onto the car, crushing it and him.

*'''You've gotta get outta there, man!'''
**Who: L.A. weather man
**Note: Spoken to Geoff over the phone while watching him in the middle of the tornado swarm on TV.  He is killed moments later when a tornado hits the building he's in.

*'''What's happening?'''
**Who: L.A. weather man's wife
**Note: She dies with her husband when the building they're in is hit by a tornado.

*'''Engage emergency fuel! Come on, you bastard! COME ON!'''
**Who: An RAF helicopter pilot
**Note: Character is futilely trying to regain control of his helicopter before it crashes.  The chopper's fuel lines and that of two others froze in the eye of the superstorm, where temperatures rapidly drop to -150 degrees.  After the helicopter crashes, the pilot himself is quickly frozen solid, killing him.

*'''I just wish I could have seen him grow up, you know?'''
**Who: Simon
**Note: Character is referring to his infant son, who he will never see again as he dies soon after in the superstorm.

*'''The important thing is that he ''will'' grow up.'''
**Who: Professor Terry Rapson
**Note: Character is assuring Simon about the latter's son

*'''Amen.'''
**Who: Dennis

*'''Too much weight! It's not gonna hold.'''
**Who: Frank Harris
**Note: After he falls through the glass roof of a snowed-over mall, his colleagues try to pull him up, but the glass under them cannot hold their weight.  Realizing this, Frank, in an act of self-sacrifice, cuts the rope holding him up and falls to his death.

*'''Mr. President. I'm sorry, sir, we can't hold out any longer. We're the last ones.'''
**Who: General

*'''Alright.'''
**Who: President Blake
**Note: Not the character's actual last words, but the still last spoken on-screen.  In the next scene, it is revealed his motorcade got caught in the superstorm and he died.

===''DC Extended Universe''===
* See [[Last words in DC Comics media|''last words in ''DC Comics'' media'']].

===''[[Deadpool_(film)|Deadpool]]'' (2016)===
*'''Wade...'''
**Who: David Cunningham
**Note: Engulfed on flames after an explosion caused by Wade Wilson lighting a match into the chamber's oxygen tank.

*'''What's my name?'''
**Who: Francis Freeman
**Note: Said roughly half a minute before getting shot in the face by Deadpool.

===''[[w:Dead Space: Downfall|Dead Space: Downfall]]'' (2008)===
*'''They want our bodies...this is mine...My blood and my bone and my flesh...'''
**Who: Jen Barrow
**Notes: Jen has scrawled the same runes that adorn the Marker on the walls of her home, and carved them into her skin. After saying this line to her husband, she partially decapitates herself with a pickax. She is reanimated as a Slasher.

*'''OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!'''
**Who: Dig crew Foreman
**Note: The only crew the Ishimura is able to raise is under attack by Necromorph organisms. After shrieking this line, his head is torn off.

*'''Shuttle seven! You cannot land on board the ''Ishimura'' at this time. You must turn back ''immediately''. Shuttle seven, do you read-''' [Barrow: [punches viewscreen] Fuck you, ''Ishimura''! Landing, crashing or shot down. Pick one! But there's no way in Hell we're going back!]
**Who: Foreman Barrow
**Notes: His wife kills herself under the Marker's influence. This drives him mad. He jumps into a survey ship to bring them home. In his panic, he doesn't notice the Infector that slips into his shuttlecraft. It reanimates his wife, who kills him.

*''[Weakly]'' '''No...No...'''
**Who: Hans Leggio
**Notes: The character, a psychotic who killed under the influence of the Marker, wakes up in the hospital. He steps out into the morgue, and notices Necromorph Infectors working on the corpses. He turns to run, and is impaled by a Pregnant. He himself is transformed into a Slasher, and attacks Vincent's team.

*'''I'm no doctor, but it looks like something's been...''chewing'' on him.''' [Pendleton: This shit just keeps getting weirder by the second.] '''Sounds like a date with Shen.''' [Shen: Fuck you, rookie.]
**Who: Dobbs
**Notes: Alissa's team comes across the horrendously mutated corpse of Leggio, who attacks Dobbs while he is examining a shred of intestine (and bickering with Shen]. He stabs Dobbs to death and bites a chunk from his hand.

*'''Bastard!''' ''[raving]'' '''Get away from me!'''
**Who: Captain Benjamin Matthaius
**Notes: The captain has lost his mind, raving ever louder about the Artefact, and growing more violent and paranoid until he has to be physically restrained. White and Chic try to hold him down while Kyne sedates him. He breaks free and starts to throttle Kyne, who stabs him in the eye with a hypodermic, possibly in self-defense, but more likely by accident.

*'''These guys ain't so tough.'''
**Who: Shen
**Note: She has fought off a Pregnant, the horde of Swarmers it was carrying, and several slashers only to be stabbed and bisected by Hansen, who has gone completely mad after fending off a Lurker.

*'''Help! Please!''' ''[breaks down, crying]'' '''Please! Please!''' ''[sobbing]'' '''Please!'''
**Who: Unidentified Female crew member
**Note: A group of slashers are working on the barracks door. She calls for help, and Vincent's team rescues them. The entire rescued group is killed by slashers later.

*'''Holy creatures, transform me into your humble servant, as you alter my flesh and free my soul.'''
**Who: Samuel Irons
**Samuel is a very devout &quot;Unitologist&quot;, a religious group that seems to revere the Necromorphs as angels, apparently. However, he only succumbs after being stabbed and surrounded.

*'''I'm losing it, Alissa. They're in my head, and I want to hurt you.''' [Alissa: What the-what are you doing?] '''The door won't hold them for long. I'm giving you a head start.''' [Alissa: Knock it off, they'll kill you!] '''It's been an honor to serve with you, boss.'''
**Who: Ramirez
**Note: Ramirez has hotwired a sealed door that he and Alissa need to go through. He has recanted his reasons for joining the ship's Security force, with a swarm of Slashers getting ever nearer. He forces Alissa through the doors, which he then shorts closed. He is then torn apart.

*'''Here we go.'''
**Who: Alissa
**Note: Alissa has recorded a distress signal to the emergency beacon of Barrow's crashed survey ship. However, the beacon must be launched manually. She opens the Cargo Bay loading doors and launches the beacon. She is then sucked out into space.

===''[[The Dead Zone (film)|The Dead Zone]]'' (1983)===
*'''You're finished.'''
**Who: John Smith
**Notes: Smith, a psychic with visions of the future, had previously had a vision of popular politician Greg Stillson starting a nuclear war as President. Smith had attempted to assassinate Stillson, but was mortally wounded by Stillson's bodyguards. Stillson had used a child as a human shield during this assassination attempt in an act of extreme cowardice. However, before he dies, Smith sees a vision of Stillson instead committing suicide in the wake of a scandal involving a published photo of Stillson holding the child amidst gunfire.

===''[[w:Death Note (2006 film)|Death Note]]'' (2006)===
*'''But if we allow people to be judged apart from the ruling law, then this civilized world will be reduced to a scene of brutality and violence.'''
**Who: Lind L. Tailor
**Note: Said in a speech to handle the Kira situation never knowing that Light has written his name into the Death Note. Forty seconds after that writing, Lind L. Tailor suffers a heart attack and dies before his execution could be carried out.
 
===''[[w:Death Note 2: The Last Name|Death Note 2: The Last Name]]'' (2006)===
*'''Kira was real justice! Oh, Dad, please understand.'''
**Who: Light Yagami
**Note: Said to his father, right before he dies of a heart attack caused by the Shinigami Ryuk

===''[[The Death of Stalin]]'' (2017)===
*'''Oh... fuck. Fuck!'''
**Who: Joseph Stalin
**Note: Said as he begins to feel the effects of an ultimately fatal stroke. He subsequently mumbles incoherently a few times before dying in a later scene.

*'''Long live Stalin!''' [Officer: Stalin is dead. Malenkov is leader now.] '''Oh. Long live Malenkov-'''
**Who: Prisoner
**Note: The prisoner proclaims his loyalty to Stalin in a futile attempt to avoid execution. The officer informs the prisoner that Stalin is no longer alive, before shooting him.

*'''No! No, please! Please don't shoot me! Don't hurt me! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I-'''
**Who: Lavrentiy Beria
**Note: After being sentenced to death by Khrushchev in a show trial, Beria is dragged out of the makeshift courtroom into the yard, before being shot through the head.

===''[[Death Race (film)|Death Race]]'' (2008)===
*'''Punch out!'''
**Who: Frankenstein (Niles York)
**Note: Telling his navigator to use the catapult seat to escape the car. He himself is blown up by &quot;Machine Gun&quot; Joe. Though he survives the explosion, according to the warden, he died on an operating table later during reconstruction surgery.

*'''Let's go crazy.'''
**Who: Suzy
**Note: said while taking out a beer from the fridge. Pachenko then murders her off-screen.

*'''I'm the fucking Reaper, baby! can't kill me! you can burn me...you can fucking shoot me, but you can't motherfucking KILL me!'''
**Who: Hector Grimm
**Note: He crashes his car but survives. He crawls out and addresses Hennessy over a security camera. He is then run over by Machine Gun Joe instantly after saying this line.

*'''Oh, Shit!'''
**Who: Travis Colt
**Note: His car is covered in napalm. He utters this line when he sees Case throw a cigarette lighter on the hood, burning his car, before Machine Gun Joe finishes him off.

*'''It was Hennessey...Hennessey...'''
**Who: Pachenko
**Note: Jensen has just rammed Pachenko's car into a wall; Pachenko crawls out, and says this line when Jensen sneaks up on him and grabs him by the throat, threatening to snap his neck because Pachenko had murdered his wife, Suzy. Trying to convince Jensen not to kill him, Pachenko blames Hennessey for Suzy's murder, as he had been acting on Hennessey's orders when he had killed Suzy; Jensen snaps his neck anyway, replying &quot;I know...she's next.&quot;

*'''Fuck me...'''
**Who: 14K
**Note: Said as he realized he was about to get killed. He is then blown up. (Always talking Chinese with English subtitles, this time the subtitles are in Chinese as he speaks in English).

*'''You win again.'''
**Who: Mr. Ulrich

*'''Mr. Ulrich...I ALWAYS win.'''
**Who: Hennessey
**Note: Said before opening a congratulations-gift. Inside is a bomb they had placed in Frankensteins car. Outside Coach is standing with the detonator. he says 'Damn...' before pressing the button, killing Ulrich and Hennessey. he then finishes with '...I LOVE this game.'

===''[[w:Death Race 2000|Death Race 2000]]'' (1975)===
*'''Go for the baby! The baby!'''
**Who: Cleopatra

*'''Bye bye, baby! Hello, seventy points!'''
**Who: Nero the Hero
***Note: The two are killed by a bomb hidden in the doll disguised as a baby.

*'''Look at that stupid hole right in the middle.'''
**Who: Blond haired man at improvised roadblock

*'''They won't get through there.'''
**Who: Black haired man at improvised roadblock
***Note: They are immediately run over by Mathilda the Hun, who drives through the other direction

*'''Hey, dummy! Come over and hold the ladder!'''
**Who: Man hanging up a &quot;Welcome Frankenstein&quot; banner, who is run down by Machine Gun Joe Viterbo shortly afterwards

*'''Let not the ruin of thy roads destruct the tires of thy...AUGH!'''
**Who: The Deacon of the Bipartisan Party
***Note: He is run over by Frankenstein while attempting to retrieve his glove

*'''I've seen you before! I'm one of your greatest fans, you know that? I follow all of the races! I've got pictures of you all over the outhouse. I've named my favorite dog after you, Mr. Frankenstein, I did.'''
**Who: Fisherman, mistaking Machine Gun Joe Viterbo for Frankenstein (Joe runs him over immediately afterwards).

*'''I'm almost finished Calamity, sweetheart! We'll be back on the road in no time! Then we'll cream that Nazi's ass for us!'''
**Who: Pete, Calamity Jane's navigator
***Note: He is run over by Mathilda the Hun as he is working on Jane's car.

*'''A detour? I really needed that right now!'''
**Who: Mathilda the Hun
***Note: The detour was a fake, and leads her to drive off a cliff.

*'''Shaddup! What's wrong wit' ya? Keep yer hands off the wheel, ya' moron!'''
**Who: Machine Gun Joe Viterbo

*'''Will you stop the goddamned car? Stop the car! Stop it!'''
**Who: Myra (His navigator)
***Note: They are blown up by a Frankenstein's bomb-hand.

*'''Frankenstein?'''
**Who: Mr. President
***Note: He is killed when Frankenstein drives his car into the podium he stands on.

===''[[w:Death Race 2050|Death Race 2050]]'' (2017)===
*'''I don't wanna die sober.'''
**Who: Chi Wapp
**Notes: Minerva's proxy. Driven to a dead end by Tammy's goons, he is knocked out of the car and attempts to get back in, but the goon knocks him down. Chi then says this before he and the goon are blown up.

*'''I see God...And she's black as fuck...!'''
**Who: Minerva Jefferson
**Notes: A hip-hop themed racer, having been injured by the fall of her car, Minerva gloats this to her rival, Tammy the Terrorist, before succumbing to her injuries.

*'''Not fair. Not fair!'''
**Who: Tammy the Terrorist
*I know. Too bad.
**Who: ABE
**Notes: The former is a religious terrorist-themed racer, while the latter is an AI controlled race car. As Tammy cries in the former, ABE gloats his latter, then self-destructs, killing both himself and Tammy.

*'''Balls.'''
**Who: Alexis Hamilton
**Notes: The leader of an anti-Death Race resistance, Alexis Hamilton attempts to stop Frankenstein and her mole, Annie Sullivan from reaching the finish line. But eventually, Hamilton curses this, before she and her crew collide with a wall and blow up.

*'''I AM PERFECTUS! I AM PERFECTION!'''
**Who: Jed Perfectus
**Notes: Having unknowingly lost control of his car and flown off a cliff, Jed cries out his name before he winds up crashing into JB's studio and dies instantly.

*'''Motherfucker!'''
**Who: Mr. Chairman
**Notes: At the conclusion of the race, Frankenstein declares that the kill for Mr. Chairman be worth 1,000 points. Hearing that, Mr. Chairman curses this, before being run down by Frankenstein.

*'''You guys are all TOAST!'''
**Who: Steve
**Notes: After Frankenstein declares that the people start their own Death Race, the people begin to fly into a wild frenzy. Steve, who is among them after watching through Annie's VR, tries to leave, but is hit by Molotov cocktails and crashes, leaving only his severed head.

===''Death Warrant'' (1990)===
*'''You can't kill me, Burke. I'm the Sandman...!'''
**Who: Christian &quot;The Sandman&quot; Naylor
**Note: Taunts his near invulnerability after being pierced on a valve stem. Even as he laughs in hysteria, his nemesis, Det. Burke pushes his jaw further in to finally kill the villain.

===''[[The Deer Hunter]]'' (1978)===
*'''One shot?''' ''[Michael: One shot...! One shot.]'' [''Nick and Michael share a laugh''] '''Yeah.'''
**Who: Nikanor &quot;Nick&quot; Chevotarevich
**Note: Character exchanges these words with his best friend Michael during their Russian Roulette contest in Saigon. Having lost the will to live after that, Nick turns the gun to his head and as the bullet was ready on that turn, kills himself to Michael's horror. Nick is then returned home to America to be buried with full honors.
 
===''[[Déjà Vu (2006 film)|Déjà Vu]]'' (2006)===
*'''It's not supposed to be this way.'''
**Who: Carroll Oerstadt

*'''Hit it.'''
**Who: Douglas Carlin
**Note: Character had traveled back in time, effectively creating a second version of himself. It is this version who dies, but another Douglas Carlin survives.

===''[[w:The Delta Force|The Delta Force]]'' (1986)===
*'''God almighty.'''
**Who: Jamil
**Note: Said in Arabic when he spots McCoy and Bobby waiting to ambush with rocket launchers. The two Delta Force operatives then blast him with the rockets.

*'''Anybody here?'''
**Who: Abdul Rifai
**Note: Said in Arabic looking for a hiding place to escape from Delta Force in a small house. These are his last known words as he is blocked off by McCoy who taunts &quot;Going somewhere?&quot; He then engages McCoy in an intense fight through the house; It concludes with Abdul attempting escape and McCoy blowing him up with his motorcycle rockets.

*'''Well, I'll see you there, Scott... I'll see you when I see you...'''
**Who: Pete Peterson
**Note: Said having been mortally wounded by Abdul Rifai after his team have accomplished the mission to extricate the kidnapped plane passengers. He dies with nothing that could be done to save him as Father O'Malley prays &quot;Greater love no man hath than he gives up his life for a friend. Heavenly father, we humbly ask you that you cherish this move loving soul in the palm of your hand for eternity.&quot;

===''[[w:Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection|Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection]]''===
*'''You son of a bitch. You're dead! You remember your friend and his beautiful wife? I think I'll kill you personally like I did them. Because you know I'm gonna walk out of that court just like I did before. And I think I'll double the shipments of cocaine to America next year. And then again the year after that until the cocaine flows like a river in your pathetic country. And your government can't stop it. You see, cocaine can buy anything and anybody at anytime that I want.'''
**Who: Ramon Cota
**Note: Gloats this monologue to Scott McCoy even after being captured by him a second time confident he will escape justice again and his drug empire will be unstoppable in years times. He fails to notice his line has been weakened. Knowing there is nothing he can do as the rope snaps, McCoy simply replies &quot;Not today, asshole.&quot; then lets Ramon fall to his death.

===''[[Demolition Man (film)|Demolition Man]]''===
*'''Yes, but this time, they're really intimidated. Now...I'll have carte blanche to create the perfect society; My society. San Angeles will be a beacon of order with the purity of an ant colony and the beauty of a flawless pearl.'''
**Who: Dr. Raymond Cocteau
**Notes: The head of the anti-utopia of San Angeles. He believes with Simon Phoenix's help, he can keep his city safe, but the criminal barbs &quot;Look, you can't take away people's right to be assholes! That's who you remind me of, an evil Mr. Rogers.&quot; then orders his henchmen to execute him for &quot;pissing [him] off&quot;. The bearded henchman does so riddling Cocteau with bullets then has his body thrown into the fire to hide the evidence while Associate Bob is conscripted by Phoenix.

*'''This is the best day of my life!'''
**Who: Simon Phoenix
**Notes: A 1990s criminal trying to reign supreme in the future, he fights his old arch-nemesis John Spartan at the Cryo Prison. He then gloats this, but Spartan freezes him with the nitrogen, then kicks off his head, shattering it to pieces.

===''[[The Departed]]'' (2006)===
*'''I know about you, Colin. You know I'd never give you up. You're like a... '''
**Who: Frank Costello
**Note: Said to Colin Sullivan after Sullivan asks if Costello has told the FBI anything about him. After this line, Colin asks &quot;What, like a son? To you? Is that what this is about? All that murderin'...and fuckin'...and no sons? &quot;. Costello then moves to gun Sullivan down, but Sullivan shoots him dead instead.

*[Colin Sullivan: [weakly] Just fucking kill me...Just fucking kill me...] '''I am killing you.'''
**Who: Billy Costigan
**Note: Said to Colin Sullivan, who he is going to expose as a rat for Costello, when Sullivan asks to be killed. When Costigan goes to exit the elevator, he is shot.

*'''Fuck it.'''
**Who: Mr. French
**Note: After crashing his car in the midst of a gunfight, French says this before shooting himself in the chin.

*'''Motherfucking shit!'''
**Who: Fitzy
**Note: Shouted at police while returning gunfire. He is then quickly shot in the head.

*'''Tell me why I didn't tell nobody!'''
**Who: Timothy Delahunt
**Note: Said to Billy Costigan after being fatally wounded in the chest. His last words indicate he knew Costigan was an undercover cop the whole time.

*[Fitzy: Where's your boy?] '''He's studying law at Notre Dame. '''
**Who: Capt. Queenan
**Note: Queenan stays back to hold Costello's thugs off. When Fitzy asks where his 'boy' (his undercover) is, Queenan responds with the statement above. He is then thrown out of the window to his death.

*'''Okay.'''
**Who: Colin Sullivan
**Note: Said as he notices Officer Dignam in his apartment with a gun pointed at him and ensuring that he leaves behind no evidence. Dignam shoots him in the head without saying anything and kills him.

*'''Maybe you do. But for right now, I need you to drop the gun and step away from Sergeant Sullivan!'''
**Who: Officer Brown
**Note: Said to Billy, who is holding Colin at gunpoint and claims he has evidence implying Colin in being Costello's mole. A few minutes later, Brown is shot by Barrigan after Billy is killed.

*'''You think you were the only one he had on the inside? Costello was gonna sell us to the FBI. It's you and me now, you understand? We gotta take care of each other, you understand?'''
**Who: Barrigan
**Note: Barrigan was a fellow police mole for Costello, and said this to Colin after shooting Billy and Officer Brown. Barrigan is then shot in the head by Colin.

*'''No. Please.'''
**Who: Brian
**Note: His murder by Mr. French shooting him in the head after he begs for mercy is shown during Billy's psychological evaluation.

*'''None of your business where we come from, is it?'''
**Who: Providence Mobster
**Note: Says to Billy, who proceeds to brutally beat him and his associate. They are shortly murdered afterward by Costello to protect Billy from further revenge.

===The ''[[Die Hard]]'' film series===
====''[[Die Hard (film)|Die Hard]]'' (1988)====
*'''I don't know it, I'm telling you. Get on a jet to Tokyo to ask the chairman. I'm telling you, you're just gonna have to kill me.''' [Hans Gruber: Okay. ''[shoots Takagi in the head]'' We do it the hard way. Tony, see if you can dispose of that. Karl, you better go and check on Heinrich's work up on the machine floor.]
**Who: Joseph Takagi
**Note: Character is threatened by Hans to give him the code for one of the Nakatomi building's vault locks. After he refuses, Gruber shoots him in the head.

*[John McClane: Drop it, dickhead. It's the police.] '''You won't hurt me.''' [John McClane: Oh, yeah? Why not?]''' Because you're a policeman. There are rules for policemen.''' [John McClane: Yeah. That's what my captain keeps telling me.]
**Who: Tony Vreski
**Notes: Karl's younger brother who is also part of the team holding Nakatomi Plaza hostage. When he is at John McClane's gunpoint, Tony reminds him that killing him is against the law of policemen. McClane says: &quot;Yeah. That's what my captain keeps telling me.&quot; before the two fight anyway with McClane snapping Tony's neck.

*'''Marco, duck!'''
**Who: Heinrich
**Note: Another one of Hans Gruber's men who tries to shoot John when Marco is feigning surrender, only to get shot twice in the chest by John.

*'''You are dog now! No more table. Where are you going, pal? Next time you have a chance to kill someone, don't hesitate.'''
**Who: Marco
**Note: John McClane was reluctant to shoot Marco once he entered the room. After Marco revealed himself as one of the invaders, he pursued McClane from atop a table. After saying the line, Marco is shot 17 times by McClane from below, who, immediately after killing him, says &quot;Thanks for the advice.&quot;

*'''John, how can you say that after all these years, huh? John? John?'''
**Who: Harry Ellis
**Note: A Nakatomi businessman who called John McClane about the stolen detonators. When McClane refuses to give in, Ellis tries to get through to his friend, but gets no answer. He then sips a coke poured for him and is shot in the head by Hans.

*[John McClane: ''[pretends to surrender]'' You got me. ''[puts his hands behind his head]''] '''Still the cowboy, Mr. McClane. Americans are all alike. Well, this time, John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.''' [John McClane: It was Gary Cooper, asshole.] '''Enough jokes.''' [John McClane: You'd have made a pretty good cowboy yourself, Hans.] '''Oh, yes. What was it you said to me before? &quot;Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.&quot;'''
**Who: Hans Gruber
**Note: Says this to John McClane. After saying this line, a struggle/gunfight ensues that ends with Hans being thrown out of a window, plunging to his death.

====''[[Die Hard 2]]''  ====
*'''No problems.'''
**Who: Oswald Cochrane
**Note: One of Col. Stuart's terrorist gang members. When asked for IDs by McClane while infiltrating the luggage area, Cochrane and his friend Miller feign assurance of no problems before engaging McClane in a gunfight. McClane knocks Cochrane onto a belt until a baggage press crushes and electrocutes Cochrane to death.

*'''A sitting duck!'''
**Who: O'Reilly
**Note: One of Col. Stuart's terrorist gang members. He says this while stopping the Annex skywalk at the Dulles International Airport to a SWAT officer then shoots him. In a fierce gunfight, just when he has Barnes at his mercy, McClane intervenes and guns O'Reilly down.

*'''I'm gonna kick your fucking ass.'''
**Who: Mulkey
**Note: Another of the Annex skywalk ambush party for Col. Stuart. He says this when McClane is trapped under some debris presumably to try and beat him to death. Thankfully, McClane starts the skywalk and gets his gun in time and shoots him down.

*'''Don’t shoot. That wing is fully fueled.'''
**Who: General Ramon Esperanza
**Note: Esperanza says this as Col. Stuart and Major Grant go to investigate the plane while Esperanza has the controls to take off, but unfortunately, he is killed along with Col. Stuart and the other terrorists as the plane explodes after McClane lights up the fuel trail with his cigarette lighter.

*'''Too bad McClane...I kinda liked you!'''
**Who: Major Grant
**Note: Major Grant says this while fighting McClane on the wing of the 747 escape plane, then McClane replies “I’ve got enough friends!”. Then he kicks Grant by the jet engine, Grant tries to hold on, but it was no use as he gets sucked into the engine which ended up shredding him.

*'''Happy landings, asshole!'''
**Who: Colonel Stuart
**Note: Col. Stuart says this after knocking McClane off the wing of his 747 escape plane, failing to notice the fuel is leaking. McClane uses his lighter to ignite the fuel and destroy the plane before it leaves Dulles.

====''[[Die Hard with a Vengeance]]''====
*'''Get outta here!'''
**Who: Simon Gruber
**Note: To his second in command, Katya, after McClane shoots power lines above the helicopter they are inside, causing the helicopter to crash and explode.

====''[[Live Free or Die Hard]]'' (2007)====
*'''On your tombstone it should read, &quot;Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.&quot;''' [John McClane: How about...&quot;Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!&quot;]
**Who: Thomas Gabriel
**Note: Said while standing behind McClane, pressing a gun into his shoulder wound. McClane then says his line before making him shoot, going through McClane's shoulder, into Gabriel's chest.

====''[[A Good Day to Die Hard]]'' (2013)====
*'''What a shame your father won't be alive to see you promoted!'''
**Who: Yuri Komarov
**Note: While with Jack/John McClane Jr., he gloats this knowing his father will be dead soon. Jack then replies &quot;Neither will you!&quot; then throws the villain into his daughter's helicopter rotors, shredding him.

===''Dirty Harry'' series===
====''[[Dirty Harry]]'' (1971)====
*'''Drop the gun, creep! I'll blow his brains out! Hehehehe...Drop the fucking gun!'''
**Who: Scorpio
**Notes: The killer who has killed a couple of victims throughout the movie. He has tried to outsmart Harry Callahan even going as hard as to hold a kid hostage. However, Harry wounds him in the shoulder and gives the same .44 Magnum speech he gave to an earlier robber. Scorpio tries to resist and is shot dead by Callahan, sending him sinking into the lake.

====''[[Magnum Force]]'' (1973)====
*'''I want this bastard busted out of his job.'''
**Who: Carmine Ricca
**Notes: An acquitted mafioso, Carmine Ricca finds himself confronted by the enigmatic Officer Davis trying to get the driver's license and registration. Just then, Davis shoots Ricca and his entourage dead with a Colt Python.

*'''Oh yes, sir, this is my car. You must be new. You know who I am?'''
**Who: J.J. Wilson
**Notes: An acquitted pimp, J.J. Wilson, after killing one of his hookers and taking the cab, finds himself confronting the enigmatic Officer Sweet. After asking if he knows him, Sweet tells him he was speeding, then executes him with a Colt Python.

*'''I never touch the stuff. Wanna put that over there now?'''
**Who: Lou Guzman
**Notes: A drug lord living in his apartment. He reminds his nude companions about his cocaine. Then, Officer Davis, breaks into his room and assassinates him with a Colt Python.

*'''We have warrants to search the premises.'''
**Who: Officer Phil Sweet
**Notes: One of the rookie vigilante cops, Phil Sweet is with Callahan and Early Smith to arrest Frank Palancio and reminds him of the warrant, but Palancio shotguns him to death.

*'''Okay, but what happens if they get us both?''' [Harry Callahan: Then they win. Yeah. It's not to hard to understand how this could happen nowadays, the way things are. As incredible as it seems there may be a whole suborganization within the police force; Sort of a death squad like they had in Brazil som years back.] '''Damn!'''
**Who: Early Smith
**Notes: Dirty Harry's partner in the case of the vigilante cops. He says these words while Harry allays suspicions of a death squad within the police force. A while later, Early Smith heads back to his apartment after some grocery shopping and while Harry tries to warn him, Smith goes to his mailbox never knowing the vigilantes wired a bomb inside. Too late, he opens it and is blown up by the bomb.

*'''You're a killer, Harry...A maniac!'''
**Who: Lt. Neil Briggs
**Notes: Harry Callahan's superior who had been secretly leading the vigilante cops, Briggs tells Harry he will prosecute him and gloats this, never knowing the cop planted a letterbox bomb in the car, then Briggs is blown up.

===Disney films===
:''See [[last words in Disney animated films]].''

===''[[Django Unchained]]'' (2012)===
*'''Now, why y'all wanna come into my town and start trouble? Scare all these nice people? You ain't got nothing better to do than to come into Bill Sharp's town and show your ass?'''
**Who: Sheriff Bill Sharp
**Note: Says this before being shot point blank by Dr. King Schultz.

*'''Goddam son of a bitch!'''
**Who: Roger &quot;Little Raj&quot; Brittle
**Note: Says this before being whipped and shot to death by Django.

*'''I insist.'''
**Who: Calvin Candie
**Note: Character insists on shaking hands with Dr. King Schultz to finalize a slave deal; Schultz instead shoots Candie through the chest, killing him.

*'''I'm sorry. I couldn't resist.'''
**Who: Dr. King Schultz
**Note: Says this after shooting Calvin Candie; is promptly shot with a sawed-off shotgun by Candie's bodyguard.

*'''Why don't you give him your gun and gunbelt?'''
**Who: LeQuint Dickey Mining Co. Employee #2
**Note: Character is referring to Django; gives this suggestion to his co-worker, resulting in their deaths by Django.

*'''Now, don't drop the fucking thing, all right? I just had the sights fixed, and they're perfect.'''
**Who: LeQuint Dickey Mining Co. Employee #3
**Note: Says this before giving his gun to Django, who then kills him and the rest of his slaving team.

*'''D-Jango, you black son of a bitch!'''
**Who: Billy Crash
**Note: Says this before Django - noting that the &quot;D&quot; in his name is silent - shoots and kills him.

*'''DJANGO, YOU UPPITY SON OF A—'''
**Who: Stephen
**Note: Says this the moment the Candie mansion is blown up by Django's dynamite.

===''[[Dog Soldiers (film)|Dog Soldiers]]'' (2002)===
*'''Dogs, more like pussies!'''
**Who: Pvt. Terry Milburn
**Note: Last words before getting pulled out a window by one of the werewolves.

*'''I'M GONNA FUCKIN' HAVE AT YOU!'''
**Who: Pvt. Joe Kirkley
**Note: Last words before killed by one of the werewolves, after successfully hot-wiring a car he realizes that a werewolf is right behind him.

*'''I hope I give you the shits, you fuckin' wimp...'''
**Who: Pvt. Witherspoon
**Note: Last words before being killed by werewolves. He says this knowing that he'll be eaten.

===''[[Dogma (film)|Dogma]]'' (1999)===
*'''But...I'm a fucking ''demon''.'''
**Who: Azrael ([[w:Jason Lee (actor)|Jason Lee]])
**Note: The character, a demon, had just been hit in the chest by a blessed golf club.

*'''Thank you.'''
**Who: Bartleby ([[Ben Affleck]])
**Note: Bartleby, who has been attempting to return to Heaven, is killed by hearing the untranslated sound of God's voice.

===''[[Donnie Darko]]'' (2001)===
*'''I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breath a sigh of relief because there will be so much to look forward to.'''
**Who: Donnie Darko
**Note: Donnie's last thoughts/words before being crushed by a jet turbine that falls from the sky.

===''[[Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb]]'' (1964)===
*'''Well, Mandrake. I happen to believe in a life after this one, I know I'll have to answer for what I've done...and I think I can.'''
**Who: Gen. Jack D. Ripper
**Note: With Burpelson air base being overrun, Jack D. Ripper says these words then shuts himself in his wash room and kills himself via gun shot rather than give Mandrake the recall code.

*'''Stay on the bomb-run boys, I'm gonna get them doors open if it harelips everybody on Bear Creek!'''
**Who: Major T. J. &quot;King&quot; Kong
**Note: Says these when he moves to get the bomber's bomb doors open. He succeeds and rides the bomb marked &quot;Hi there!&quot; while whooping triumphantly and is vaporized in the resulting blast.

*'''Mein Führer, I can walk!'''
**Who: Dr. Strangelove
**Note: The last words that were said in the movie before the doomsday device activates, cutting to a montage of nuclear explosions.

===''[[Doom (film)|Doom]]'' (2005)===
*'''Oh, thers something behind me, isn't it?'''
**Who: Pinky
**Note: Characters is survivor from the base on Mars. He is pointing a gun at Sarge, who threatens too kill him and any other survivors. He then hears a snarl causing him to utter the line, before being lifted by a Hellknight and dragged away.

*'''I'm not supposed to di-'''
*'''Semper Fi, motherfucker! Faithful to the core, John!'''
**Who: Sarge
**Note: First quote is as he is being dragged through a Nano-wall by a flock of zombies and monsters. after this he dies but comes back to life. Second quote is before fighting John, which ultimately leads to him being blown up.

===''[[Dragonheart]]'' (1996)===
*'''To the stars, Bowen. To the stars.'''
**Who: Draco
**Note: Said in response to Bowen's question &quot;Draco, without you... what do we do? Where do we turn?&quot;. It should also be noted that Draco's last words in a physical body were &quot;Pick it up!&quot;, referring to an ax that Bowen would have to use to kill Draco, to end his and the prince's shared life force. It should also be noted that the stars, particular Draco's namesake constellation, play a vital role in the film, what Draco calls the &quot;Dragon's Heaven&quot;, where dragons who had performed particularly noble or &quot;good&quot; acts went after death.

*'''Move, and she dies!'''
**Who: Einon
**Note: Said while holding Kara hostage at knife point, until Draco bites his own paw, forcing Einon to feel his pain and, before he attempts to attack, Bowen throws a spear in Draco's heart, killing him to end his and the prince's shared life force.

*'''I was trying to correct a mistake I made long ago, when I saved a creature not worth saving.'''
**Who: Queen Aislinn 
**Note: Said while talking to and about her son, Einon, after he discovers her plot to kill him. He then slays his mother with a large spear.

*'''A girl?! A girl!...'''
**Who: Brock
**Note: Said after being killed by Kara in the battle at Einon's castle.

===''[[w:Drive Angry|Drive Angry]]'' (2011)===
*'''Ah, Milton, so many have tried; But I am armored with a power that you will never know. Nothing of this earth can kill me.
**Who: Jonah King
**Note: The leader of a Satanic cult planning to sacrifice John Milton's grandchild in order to attain hell on Earth. While seemingly having John Milton at his mercy, he declares this never knowing that Milton has crawled towards the God Killer firearm. When he sees it, Milton declares &quot;I'm not of this Earth.&quot; having risen from Hell to avenge his previous death then fires at Jonah. The blast sends the cultist spiraling to nothingness.

*'''You think you're Wotan? Gimme the keys.'''
**Who: John Milton
**Note: A condemned man who escapes Hell to avenge his death and save his granddaughter from Jonah King's cult. After completing his mission, he and the Accountant who had been chasing him throughout the film ride back to hell with Milton saying these.

===''[[w:Drunken Master II|Drunken Master II]]'' (1994)===
*'''Finish him! Now!'''
**Who: John
**Note: Yells this to Henry before passing him a burning hot iron rod. After Henry is beaten, he attempts to fight Fei Hung, but is dropped onto a large crate in the end. He may not have died, however his breathing seems to stop after he looks up at Hung.

===''[[w:Duel in the Sun|Duel in the Sun]]'' (1946)===
*'''Just hold me... hold me once more...'''
**Who: Pearl Chavez
*'''Little bobcat...'''
**Who: Lewton &quot;Lewt&quot; McCanles
**Note: Having mortally wounded one another in their fateful duel in the sun, Pearl crawls towards her adversary then they share this final exchange of words and have a final kiss together before slipping into the cold sleep of death.

===''[[Dumb and Dumber]]'' (1994)===
*'''Son of a bitch!'''
**Who: Joe Mentalino
**Note: Says this to Harry. As a prank, Harry and Lloyd put very hot peppers in Mental's burger, and when Mental, who has severe digestive problems, eats it and falls on the ground. Mental then asks them for his antacid pills, and Harry gives Mental rat poison (intended to be used on Harry and Lloyd), believing they were the antacid pills.

===''[[Dune (film)|Dune]]'' (1984)===
*'''Jessica...Paul...'''
**Who: Duke Leto Atreides
**Notes: After being betrayed by his doctor Yueh, Duke Leto attempts to gas Baron Harkonnen with a poisonous tooth that will release a toxic gas upon exhaling. He only succeeds in killing Piter De Vries, and calls out to his wife and son before dying.

*'''You see your death. My blade will finish you.'''
**Who: Feyd-Rautha
**Notes: Baron Harkonnen's nephew, Feyd-Rautha engages Paul Atreides in a final duel in the Emperor's throne room. Feyd-Rautha believes his blade and kill Paul, but Paul impales his throat.

===''[[Dune (2021 film)|Dune: Part One]]'' (2021)===
*'''Deliver my wife from her agony.'''
**Who: Wellington Yueh
**Notes: Yueh betrays the Atreides and disables Arrakeen's shields, allowing the Harkonnens and Sardaukar to invade. He incapacitates Leto, planning to exchange him for his wife, who is the Baron's prisoner. Yueh replaces one of Leto's teeth with a poison gas capsule with which the Duke can assassinate the Baron. Upon delivering Leto, the Baron fulfils his end of the bargain by beheading Yueh to join his wife Wanna in death.

*'''Here I am... Here I remain.'''
**Who: Duke Leto Atreides
**Notes: After the Baron executes Yueh, a completely paralyzed Leto waits for the Baron to approach closely before crunching the fake tooth and releasing the poison gas out of his mouth. Leto dies along with all Harkonnens trapped inside the dining room, but the Baron survives by evading the gas from a high altitude above Leto.

*'''Sardaukar!'''
**Who: {{w|Duncan Idaho}}
**Notes: When the Emperor's dreaded Sardaukar attack Arrakis in the guise of Harkonnen troops, Idaho initially survives the assault and saves Leto's son Paul Atreides and concubine Lady Jessica. When they are cornered by Sardaukar soldiers at a Botanical Testing Station, Paul, Jessica and Liet-Kynes flee while Idaho holds off the enemy, but he is ultimately killed.

*'''I serve only one master. His name is Shai-Hulud.'''
**Who: Liet-Kynes
**Notes: After Paul and Jessica flee from the Sardaukar in an ornithopter, Liet-Kynes also tries to escape but is caught and mortally wounded, and lures a sandworm to her location to devour herself and the Sardaukar.

*'''You should welcome my blade. This world will kill you. Quicker this way.'''
**Who: Jamis
**Notes: Deep in the desert, Paul and Jessica encounter Stilgar's Fremen tribe, including Chani, the young woman from Paul's visions. Opposed to Stilgar's lenience towards them, Fremen warrior Jamis challenges Paul to a ritual duel to the death, which Paul wins.

==E==
===''[[w:Eagle Eye|Eagle Eye]]'' (2008)===
*'''Go now!'''
**Who: Agent Thomas Morgan (Billy Bob Thorton)
**Note: After ordering Jerry Shaw (Shia LeBeouf) to get to the Library of Congress to stop the assassination mission GUILLOTINE, he says this line for Jerry to hurry before rushing at a fighter copter with his car and destroying it. He is incinerated by the resulting fireball.

*'''27%. Operation GUILLOTINE is now in effect.'''
**Who: ARIA
**Notes: ARIA is the supercomputer that has montiered the lives of Jerry and Rachel and forced them to partake in the assassination attempt mission GUILLOTINE. She is then destroyed by Agent Perez and William Bowman, but has uploaded enough data to be able to trigger the event when Rachel's son's trumpet hits a high F note. Jerry however succeeds in stopping this before it can occur.

===''[[Earthquake (film)|Earthquake]]'' (1974)===
*'''Is everything okay?''' ''[Assistant Caretaker Max: Yeah.]'' '''Why don't you check the base? I'll look down below.'''
**Who: Dam Caretaker Fred
**Note: Caretaker of the Mulholland Resevoir Dam. After a slight tremor, he and Max head to the dam to check for damage and says this to his assistant. When he heads down the elevator, there is no response. When Max comes in to check on him, the shaft has been flooded and Fred has drowned.

*'''Thanks again for letting us on your land, Mr. Griggs. Once the trench is filled, you'd never have known we were here.'''
**Who: Dr. Frank Adams.
**Note: A scientist monitoring for seismic waves on farmer Griggs' land. After updating the farmer with this, a tremor is felt and the sheep flee, but Dr. Adams and his assistant are buried alive in the trench they were working in. Dr. Stockle confirms this death as he will call the doctor's wife.

*'''Take it easy now; I'll call you at home later.'''
**Who: Emilio Chavez
**Note: A partner of Lew Slade in the Los Angeles police department. At the bar, he says this when leaving. When the earthquake strikes, he is trying to find a way out at the police department comes down around himself and his fellow officers. A pipe drops onto him killing him.

*'''I'll see what it costs me.'''
**Who: Bill Cameron
**Note: An employee at the building run by Sam Royce. When discussing earthquakes and the effects they have on buildings, he promises this to Stewart Graff. When the earthquake strikes he and other employees try to shelter in an elevator, but the car fails and it plunges twenty-feet killing Cameron and the others inside.

*'''Ha-hard to breathe... ''[Dr. Vance: Chest pains?]'' Yeah...
**Who: Sam Royce
**Note: Stewart's boss at his workplace.. While rescuing survivors of the quake, he suffers chest pains and a heart attack. He says this to Dr. Vance and they work to save him. But he succumbs moments later.

*'''You got your nerve. Only a whore would wear something like that!'''
**Who: Jody Joad
**Note: A store clerk and army officer who has Rosa Amici detained on suspicion of looting. Later that night, he says this as he tries to force himself on her though she desperately fights back. This helps long enough for officer Lew Slade to rescue her and shoot the crazed officer to death in self-defense.

*'''Remy!'''
**Who: Stewart Graff
**Note: A businessman who is in a love triangle between his ungrateful wife Remy and widowed actress Denise Marshall. When the tunnel is flooding thanks to the Mulholland Dam failing, he says this as he tries to save his wife. Denise looks on helplessly as the floodwaters carry both Stewart and Remy away and they both likely drown.

===''El Cid'' (1961)===
*'''I want you and my children...to remember me riding with my king...Tomorrow...'''
**Who: Don Rodrigo Díaz de Vivar, El Cid
**Note: While fighting at Valencia, El Cid is mortally injured by an arrow. Aware that removing will incapacitate him for quite some time, El Cid keeps the arrow in him. Knowing he will die soon, he promises to ride out to battle with his king Alfonso VI, then says these words so Chimene will not forget his actions. In a final symbol of defiance, the Spanish army places the armored and lifeless body of El Cid on his horse carrying the banner. The Moors are frightened thinking that El Cid is alive while it is said that &quot;And thus, the Cid rode out of the gates of history into legend.&quot;

*'''Back! Back! Go back! GO BACK!'''
**Who: Ben Yusuf
**Note: The commander of the Moors seeking to rule the world. When it appears he holds the advantage in the final battle of Valencia, Ben's forces spot the now dead Cid on his horse carrying a banner and are frightened. Ben tries to stir his men with this, but is trampled to death by Babieca's hooves.

===''[[Enchanted (2007 film)|Enchanted]]'' (2007)===
*'''You! You sent me here.'''
**Who: Giselle
**Note: Said before Narissa, disguised as an old hag, feeds the former a poison apple. Naturally, True Love's Kiss saves Giselle from a permanent death.

*'''How about this? &quot;And they all lived happily ever after!&quot; Well, at least I did.''' ''[starts laughing maniacally, not knowing that Pip is standing on one of her horns and makes her lose her grip]'' '''What? Oh!''' ''[accidentally drops Robert, who is momentarily saved by Giselle throwing a sword into his sleeve, before she falls]'' '''AAAAAH!! SPECIOSUS FORMOSUS--!! Ow! AAAAAAAH!!!'''
**Who: Queen Narissa
**Note: After saying this line, Pip makes her (in her dragon form) lose her balance, accidentally dropping Robert, and causing her to fall hundreds of feet off the Woolworth Building when she crashes mid-falling, catches herself on fire and falls to her death until she disintegrates into glitter after hitting the ground.	

===''[[End of Days (film)|End of Days]]'' (1999)===
*'''Jericho! How can you expect to defeat me when you are a man and I am forever?'''
*'''You have died for nothing. You just give them time.'''
**Who: Satan
**Note: Character says two lines while possessing two characters. The first line is said when possessing an unnamed man. The second line is said when possessing Jericho. He is sent back to Hell after Jericho impales himself to the sword of St. Michael.

*'''Run.'''
**Who: Jericho Cane
**Note: Jericho tells Christine to run while fighting off Satan's control. He impales himself to the sword of St. Michael until 12:00 for New Year's Day to get Satan out of his body. He dies after having a vision of his wife and daughter, indicating that he goes to Heaven with them.

===''[[Enemy at the Gates]]'' (2001)===
*'''It's your turn to get a hole in your britches.'''
**Who: Koulikov ([[w: Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]])
**Note: He was next to take the lead and says this before jumping over a hole in the building he and  Vassili were stationed at. He was exposed when he jumped and was shot by Konig.

*'''I want to help you Vassili. Let me do one last thing, something useful for a change. Let me show you where the Major is.'''
**Who: Danilov
**Note: After saying this line, Danilov removes his helmet and moves into the open where he is shot by the Major, revealing his position.

===''[[Enter the Dragon]]''===
*'''Man, come right out of a comic book.''' ''[Williams defeats some of Han's henchmen with ease and Han uses his prosthetic hand to punish one]'' '''Been practicing, huh.'''
**Who: Williams
**Notes: One of Lee's companions in the investigation on Han's island; He says these refusing to be interrogated by Han, and defeats some of his henchmen. But Han however knocks Williams into a room of laughing women under the influence of drugs. Eventually, Han uses his prosthetic hand to kill the martial artist.

===''[[Equilibrium (film)|Equilibrium]]'' (2002)===
*'''Remember me.'''
**Who: Viviana Preston
**Note: Said before being dragged from the house by soldiers. Was later incinerated for 'sense offense'.

*'''A heavy price. I pay it gladly.'''
**Who: Grammaton Cleric Errol Patridge
**Note: Character is referencing that a world with war and hate is better then the one they created without emotions or the ability to feel. Was shot in the head moments later.

*'''Mind the uniform Cleric. I plan to be wearing it for a long time.'''
**Who: Grammaton Cleric Brandt
**Note: Said to John Preston before attacking him with a sword. Was killed in three swift moves with no effort from Preston.

*'''Wait! Wait! Look at me. Look at me. I'm life. I live...I, I breathe...I feel. Now that you know it...can you really take it? Is it really worth the price?''' [Preston: I pay it gladly.]
**Who: Vice-Council DuPont
**Note: Said while trying to convince Preston not to shoot him.

===''[[w:Escape Plan (film)|Escape Plan]]'' (2013)===
*Go, go, go, down, down!
**Who: Warden Hobbes
**Note: The corrupt warden of the Tomb prison ship. Said commanding his guards to chase down Breslin and Rottmayer/Mannheim. He says nothing else as he tries to shoot down Breslin clinging onto Rottmayer's helicopter. Seeing the corrupt in the right position, Breslin barbs &quot;Boom...!&quot; then shoots some oil drums blasting and burning the warden alive while Rottmayer gloats &quot;Have a lovely day, asshole!&quot;

*RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!
**Who: Lester Clark
**Note: Ray Breslin's business partner who betrays him to Warden Hobbes. After the escape from the Tomb, Breslin has his friends track down the traitorous partner and Hush first chloroforms him then traps him and his car in a container on a shipping frigate. Clark angrily cries this to his former partner and is never heard from again...

====''Escape Plan 2: Hades''====
*I just told you Galileo was back to his full power. It doens't need solar; Let it blow.
**Who: Jasper Kimbral
**Note: A Breslin protege who is fired for botching a rescue mission and secretly runs the illegal underground prison Hades. He says this confident that Galileo will power back up, but Breslin points out the blindspots of his prison from outside. He says nothing else while Breslin tells him in the zoo arena, &quot;Let's see what you can dow without your tech; After I put my fist through your face, I'm gonna crucify you, kid.&quot; The ex-proteget fights well but Breslin reverses his chokehold and eventually snaps the traitor's neck.

*Prisoner 9051, report for battle in the zoo.
**Who: Galileo
**Note: The computer running Hades. After calling his out for battle, Trent DeRosa fires at the control unit rapidly and before Galileo can re-activate, Luke shoots the robot for good measure to prevent it from ever coming back online.

===''[[The Evil Dead]]'' (1981)===
*'''There is no tomorrow! You-You've got to kill her and cu-cut her up...your sister too.'''
**Who: Scott
**Note: Scott's last words before dying from his wounds.

===''[[Eraser (film)|Eraser]]'' (1996)===
*'''I hope you understand Lee, that you leave me no choice...!'''
**Who: William Donohue
**Note: The Vice President of Cyrez International, having been exposed for working with Russian terrorists, he says these while threatening Lee Cullen with his pistol. He then turns the gun to his own mouth and kills himself.

*'''Evaluation?'''
**Who: WITSEC Deputy Monroe
**Note: A young WITSEC operative who questions this when Robert DeGuerin wished to evaluate his performance. DeGuerin shoots him with John Kruger's gun and says &quot;A plus, kid.&quot;

*'''Yeah.'''
**Who: Robert DeGuerin
**Note: A WITSEC U.S. Marshal who turned against his former pupil John Kruger for black-marketing. With little evidence to put DeGuerin and his friends Morehart and Undersecretary of Defense Harper in jail, Kruger and Cullen fake their deaths and have Johnny trap them on train tracks in their limo. When Kruger calls them up, DeGuerin has time to say this then Kruger tells him &quot;You've just been erased.&quot; With no way out, DeGuerin and his allies try unsuccessfully to escape and a train crashes into the limo killing all of them. When asked what happened afterwords, Kruger simply says &quot;They caught a train.&quot; as the film closes.

===''[[The Evil Dead 2]]'' (1987)===
*'''Hey! I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!'''
**Who: Henrietta
**Note: Henrietta mutated into a zombie and threatens to swallow Ash Williams' soul, but Ash stomps her decapitated head and tells her &quot;Swallow this!&quot; before shooting her.

===''[[Excalibur (film)|Excalibur]]'' (1981)===
*'''Nobody shall wield Excalibur but ME!!!'''
**Who: Uther Pendragon
**Note: After being ambushed by knights loyal to a duke he betrayed, he says this before thrusting his sword, Excalibur, into a nearby stone. He then dies of his injuries.

*'''Come, father. Let us embrace at last.'''
**Who: Mordred
**Note: Challenges Arthur with this then runs his father through with his spear. But even under the pressure, Arthur pierces Excalibur down upon his son, ending his life and the battle for Camelot.

*'''Do as I command; One day, a king will come, and the sword will rise again.'''
**Who: King Arthur
**Note: Mortally wounded by Mordred's spear and after killing him, he commands Perceval to cast the titular sword into the lake. After reluctance, Perceval complies and the Lady of the Lake takes it under so it can be preserved for the next king of Camelot. After which, Arthur's body is carried away by ship to Avalon.

===''[[w:Exodus (1960 film)|Exodus]]'' (1960)===
*'''Who cares if an old man feels well?'''
**Who: Prof. Dr. Samuel Odenheim
**Note: Said when heading to tend to the children after dismissing chest pains. But then, he has a heart attack and dies. Ari then reports the death on a broadcast.

===[[w:The Expendables (film series)|''The Expendables'' series]]===
====The Expendables====
*'''The agency parasites hired you, didn't they? I'd have paid you TWICE as much to go fishing. You'd have to think I'm pretty freakin' stupid to surrender to the agency. Why would I do that?! I created this. I made it ALLLL happen, and then they wanted me out! Why? Because I saw the big picture! Stop walking! Well, what about me and you? We're both the same. We're both mercenaries. We're both dead inside! So why the hell did you come after me?!'''
**Who: James Monroe
**Note: Traitorous CIA agent Monroe learned that Barney Ross was hired to whack him. He admits he was behind the whole thing and demands why he would chase him. Barney answers &quot;I didn't come after you, dipshit. I came for HER!&quot; Sandra then breaks free as Barney riddles Monroe with pistol bullets then Lee Christmas finishes the job by throwing a knife into his back and through his chest.

*'''We will kill this American disease!'''
**Who: General Garza
**Note: When Garza believes that Munroe had hired the Expendables to kill him, he addressed the people on how he succumbed to greed and apologizes to his daughter. As soon as he says this line, Munroe himself shoots and kills him.

====The Expendables 2====
*'''NOW WHAT?!'''
**Who: Jean Vilain
**Notes: At the end of their final battle, Jean Vilain questions Barney Ross what he intends to do to him. Earlier, he had questioned the name of the young Expendables member he had killed earlier. Barney then chains Vilain close to him, then stabs him with his knife. Barney then tells him &quot;His name was Billy.&quot; as Barney used the same knife Vilain used to kill William &quot;Billy the Kid&quot; Timmons.

====The Expendables 3====
*'''What about The Hague, huh?'''
**Who: Conrad Stonebanks
**Note: After their final battle, Stonebanks questions Barney Ross whether he will take him to The Hague for trial, but the latter executes him with a gunshot and says &quot;I am The Hague.&quot;

==F==
===''[[Face/Off]]'' (1997)===
*'''Sir, why are you so upset? It's just Pollux Troy'''
**Who: Loomis
**Note: Character says this to Castor Troy, who is in disguise as Sean Archer, as Troy grieves over the body of Pollux. Troy responds by shooting Loomis in the head.

*'''They're concerned about the constitution of your Gestapo tactics, and frankly SO AM I!'''
**Who: Victor Lazarro
**Note: The FBI Chief wants to inquire about Troy-as-Archer's methods in fighting crime. Troy-as-Archer confesses &quot;I am Castor Troy.&quot; then breaks his spine and does a hard blow to fracture his heart making it look like a heart attack.

*'''I'm ready for the big ride, baby...'''
**Who: Castor Troy
**Note: Troy sings this song before he is &quot;killed&quot; in the opening of the movie. After being impaled with a harpoon, he starts to sing again before dying.

===''[[Fall (2022 film)|Fall]]'' (2022)===
*'''No!'''
**Who: Dan
**Note: Dan was Becky Connor's husband. They were climbing, along with Becky's best friend Shiloh Hunter when a bat flew out of a hole where Dan was climbing, startling him and ultimately causing him to fall to his death. The quote happened as his harness broke and he fell.

*'''Okay.'''
**Who: Shiloh Hunter
**Note: Although it seems that, after the said quote, when she slipped on the tower and fell that she managed to grab their backpack and Becky helped her climb back up with only injured hands from allegedly grabbing the backpack, it turns out that Hunter really fell to her death on one of the communication dishes, and Becky had been hallucinating Hunter since the latter fell due to dehydration and denial.

===''[[w:The Fan (1996 film)|The Fan]]'' (1996)===
*'''A simple thank you would have been nice.'''
**Who: Gil Renard ([[Robert De Niro]])
**Note: Dying words after being shot; the character was insane, killing people to help his favorite baseball star.

===''[[Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer]]'' (2007)===
*'''I will no longer serve. This is the end. For both of us.'''
**Who: Silver Surfer/Norrin Radd
**Note: Prior to him going to defeat Galactus. He is thought to be dead, but survives in a scene prior to the end credits.

===''Fantasy Mission Force'' (1983)===
*'''You have gotta die, because it's only the dead who don't talk!'''
**Who: Captain Don Wen
**Note: Said when Sammy's partner Emily exposes his scheme; Form a rescue party, and have them and the Nazi forces wipe each other out so he can get the money for himself. After this, he shoots and injures Emily before engaging Sammy one of the remaining two survivors first with his pistol and a belt-sword. After a brutal fight, Sammy leaves Don Wen in the command post building and blows it and Don Wen up.

===''[[Fargo (film)|Fargo]]'' (1996)===
*'''I'm taking that fucking car! That fucker's mine! Fucking asshole! You know I've been listening to your fucking bullshit all week! Are we square?! Are..we..square?! Yeah, you fucking mute! And if you see your friend, Shep Proudfoot, tell him I'm gonna nail his fucking ass too!'''
**Who: Carl Showalter ([[w:Steve Buscemi|Steve Buscemi]])
**Note: Said out of frustration to his partner, Gaear, before being knocked out and then put through a woodchipper.

===''The Fast and the Furious'' series===

====''[[The Fast and the Furious (2001 film)|The Fast and the Furious]]''====
*'''Toretto! SWAT came into my house. Disrespected my whole family, because somebody narked me out. And you know what? It was you!'''
**Who: Johnny Tran
**Notes: Character and his gang were arrested by police for supposedly being the suspects behind the truck robberies, only to be released with only minor charges when it is clear that Dominic Toretto and his gang are the true culprits. He lashes out at Dom about it and accuses him of ratting him out, despite Dom denying this while beating him up in response. He does not say any more lines after this and when he and his cousin Lance pursue Brian and Dom. When he attempts to kill Brian, he shoots Tran multiple times, causing his bike to slide, killing Tran after hitting his head against a wall.

'''*Dominic, I am so sorry. I don't know what I'm doing, Dom. I'm so scared right now. I don't know what's going on.''' [Dominic Toretto: Jess! What were you thinking, man?] '''I don't know! I panicked! I'm sorry. I'm scared! I don't know what I'm doing! Will you please help me?'''
**Who: Jesse
**Notes: Character made a bet against Dom's rival, Johnny Tran, with his father's 1995 Volkswagen Jetta in a desert race. However, Tran won and Jesse ran off in panic. The following day, Jesse turned to Dom for protection. However, before Dom could do anything, both Tran and Lance start shooting around the Toretto residence, narrowly missing everyone except for Jesse, who is killed by them as punishment for reneging on the bet.

====''[[Fast Five]]''====
*'''Boss, if something was missing, we'd know.'''
**Who: Fusco

*'''How do you know that?'''
**Who: Wilkes

*'''They invaded the Leblon house.''' [Hernan Reyes: Who invaded?] '''The men from the train.''' [Hernan Reyes: How much did they take?] '''They didn't take anything. They burned it.''' [Hernan Reyes: They burned my money?] '''Yes. And said there's more coming.'''
**Who: Cash House Door Guard

*'''What time was the robbery?'''
**Who: Macroy

*'''Come on, boss. Another day. Come on, H, it's a lot of heat.'''
**Who: Chato
**Notes: Said to Hobbs to dissuade him from arresting Dom's team when a Brazilian gang comes to their defense by threatening Hobbs and his teammates at gunpoint. After Hobbs arrests Dom, Brian, Mia and Vince, Chato, along with his teammates, is murdered by Reyes' men in an ambush.

*'''Hey, Dom. You've got to meet my son. Nico.''' [Dominic Toretto: I will.] '''He's a good kid. You know, we named him after you. &quot;Dominic&quot;.'''
**Who: Vince
**Notes: Character was shot by Hernan Reyes' hitman, Zizi, during an attack against the DSS, which resulted in the deaths of Hobbs' teammates. Before succumbing to his wounds, Vince tells Dom that he should meet Nico, his son with a Brazilian woman named Rosa, having been named after his childhood friend.

*'''Kill him now!'''
**Who: Zizi
**Notes: Said while ordering Reyes's men to kill Dom, before the latter crashes his car onto Reyes and Zizi, who were still inside of theirs. However, Zizi emerges from the car and attempts again to kill Dom, only for Brian to shoot him dead before he could do so.

*'''Help me.'''
**Who: Hernan Reyes
**Notes: Said while cornered on the road after Dom and his team escape Rio with his money. Hobbs instead shoots him, remarking &quot;That's for my team, you son of a bitch.&quot;

====''[[Fast and Furious 6]]''====
*'''Braga.'''
**Who: Firuz
**Notes: An associate of Owen Shaw. Firuz is shot multiple times by Letty, Ivory and Jah for giving information about Shaw to Gisele and Riley. Seeing that he was dying, Gisele tells Firuz she would make Shaw pay if he helped her. He utters Braga's name in his final moments, thus revealing that he was involved in Owen's plot. 

*'''So, what about Toretto's sister?'''
**Who: Riley Hicks
**Notes: A female agent of the Diplomatic Security Service who's secretly working for Owen Shaw. She asks her boss what to do with Mia Toretto, and is told she's useless to Shaw's gang, although she is unable to make the call, as her signal is jammed by Tej. Later, in the final battle on the plane, Letty aims a harpoon gun at her and gloats &quot;Wrong team, bitch!&quot; then shoots her with a harpoon, sending Riley screaming out of the plane to her death.

*'''Take off! Take off!''' ''[in Russian]''
**Who: Vegh
**Notes: Shaw's right-hand woman. Shaw orders her to tell the plane crew to take off. Vegh then chases both Brian and Mia in her car, which crashes when she becomes distracted by a sloped shield on the ramp car.

====''[[Furious 7]]''====
*'''Too slow!'''
**Who: Louis Kiet
**Notes: Said to Brian O'Conner after locking him in the bus, where Ramsey was being held captive, to leave him for dead after reaching the back first and closing the gate on him. This is Kiet's only English line in the film since he mostly speaks in Thai. Brian later encounters Kiet again and, after another fight, manages to kill his enemy by hooking his belt to a weight that drags him into an elevator shaft to his death, with Brian mockingly repeating the same words Kiet said to him as revenge for what he did to him before.

*'''Roger that!'''
**Who: Agent Sheppard
**Notes: Character says this line while he, Dom, Brian and the other agents are ambushed by Mose Jakande and his militants while facing Deckard Shaw in Abu Dhabi. He is killed during the fight.

*'''NO! STOP HIM!'''
**Who: Mose Jakande
**Notes: Character says this line while attacking Dom from his helicopter. Dom races through a parking garage and drives his car at the helicopter, leaving a bag of grenades on the skids, and then Agent Hobbs shoots the bag from ground level, destroying the chopper and killing Jakande.

====''[[The Fate of the Furious]]''====
*'''Save Your son!'''
**Who: Elena Neves
**Notes: When Dom succeeds in taking  the case containing the nuclear launch codes, but spares Letty as a result, Cipher decides to teach him a lesson by having her henchman Connor Rhodes execute Elena, who is strapped to a chair, with a piece of tape over the mouth.

*'''You made me miss my shot. What do you think you're doing?'''
**Who: Connor Rhodes
**Notes: Cipher's top henchman. While trying to shoot Letty and her friends from afar, Dom stops him making Connor curse this. After a short fight, Dom snaps Connor's neck, avenging Elena's death.

====''Hobbs and Shaw''====
*'''I am no small change!'''
**Who: Professor Anderiko
**Notes: The scientist who created the Snowflake virus. He says this line as he ambushes Brixton with a flamethrower, allowing Hobbs and Shaw to escape him, but in the ensuing fight and escape, Brixton kills him.

*'''So that's how it is. It's a hell of a business, boys.'''
**Who: Brixton Lore
**Notes: The Eteon cyber-terrorist seeking out the Snowflake virus. Having failed his mission and lost his fight with Hobbs and Shaw, Eteon begins to decommission him. Brixton says these to his enemies before his brain is shut down, then he falls lifelessly into the sea.

====''F9''====
*'''Tell me what you see, Dom.'''
**Who: Jack Toretto
**Note: Dom and Jakob's father, a NASCAR racer. Dom attempts to warn him that fellow racer Kenny Linder is about to ram him, but Jack is unable to avoid being hit, and crashes with his car rolling over and catching fire.

*'''Goddamn it, why do I have to say this?! Flatten these clowns!'''
**Who: Otto
**Note: Attempts to order his men to kill Dom and his team in a car chase, but is eventually the only one left. He ends up collateral damage when Cipher, in an unsuccessful attempt to kill Dom, blows up his truck with a drone missile.

====''Fast X''====
*'''Finally! Whoo---!'''
**Who: Diogo
**Note: A street racer from Rio de Janeiro who befriended Dom. When Dante Reyes challenges Dom, Diogo and Elena's sister Isabel to a race against him, he secretly rigs both of their cars with explosives, unbeknownst to them, forcing Dom to choose which one he intends to save. Dom chooses Isabel, leading Dante to kill Diogo, who is unaware of the dangerous situation he got himself in. However, Dante quickly goes back on his word and tries to kill Isabel too, but Dom successfully saves her.

*'''All right, we're entering Portuguese airspace. Jakob's already there. Any word from Dom? Hey. Why are you so quiet? You all right?''' [Roman: Just been sitting here thinking, man.] '''I knew I smelled something burning in here.''' [Roman: Tej, it was my mission, y'all took my lead, and I messed this thing up  every step of the way. I guess this whole...leaderhsip thing really ain't for me.] '''You took us to London on a container. You spent thousands of dollars of your own cash, strapped to your ass, that now smells like cheap cologne. Now you're sitting here taking sole responsibility for something that we all wear.''' [Roman: Yeah, I know. It sounds stupid.] '''Nah, it don't sound stupid at all. You know what it sounds like to me? That sounds like a leader. Come on, man. Get your ass up, man. I love you, man.''' [Roman: I love you, too, bro.] '''Sometimes we got to say &quot;I'm sorry&quot;. I'm sorry for whupping your ass, man, 'cause I didn't really mean to do that. The whole thing, it would've been a whole dif...You okay? What's wrong?''' [Roman: I'm just allergic to your bullshit] '''Come on.'''
**Who: Tej Parker
**Note: Talks to Roman and gives him an inspiring speech while he is blaming himself for putting the entire mission in danger. Shortly after he, Roman, Ramsey and Han arrive at Portugal to meet with Dom, Dante has their plane shot down, leaving his fate unknown.

*'''Hey, go easy there. You're gonna break that thing. You all right?'''
**Who: Han Lue
**Note: Says this to Ramsey when he notices her typying faster on her computer, followed by Ramsey becoming more determined than ever to stop Dante while feeling guilty for God's Eye being used against the people they love. Shortly after he, Tej, Roman and Ramsey arrive at Portugal to meet with Dom, Dante has their plane shot down, leaving his fate unknown. 

*'''God's Eye was just used to send dozens of mercenaries after Dom's son. Something I created hurting the people we love. It was meant to help. This is bigger than just Dante. This is bigger than just us. We have to stop this monster now.'''
**Who: Ramsey
**Note: Says this to Han feeling remorseful for God's Eye creation as it is being used to hurt the people they love, which makes her more willing than before to stop Dante. Shortly after she, Tej, Roman and Han arrive at Portugal to meet with Dom, Dante has their plane shot down, leaving her fate unknown. 

*'''You raised a hell of a son, Dom. Time for me to step out from under your shadow. Thanks for showing me the light.''' [Dom: Jakob?] '''I'm gonna go clear the way. Go get your son.''' [Dom: Jakob, don't! Don't!]
**Who: Jakob Toretto
**Note: While trying to rescue Little B from Dante, Jakob is unable to get through the way as more enemy cars are closing in. Despite Dom's protests, Jakob makes the hard decision to sacrifice himself, by crashing his car and hurling it towards the other cars, which are all engulfed in flames.

*'''Incoming!'''
**Who: Roman Pearce
**Note: Shouts this at Tej, Ramsey and Han shortly after they arrive at Portugal to meet with Dom, warning them about Dante having their plane shot down by a missile, leaving his fate unknown.

*'''Dad. I have faith.'''
**Who: Brian &quot;Little B&quot; Toretto
**Note: Says this to his Dom while they are surrounded by two trailers attempting to crash Dom's car. After Dom drives off the bridge into the dam below, they narrowly survive, only for Dante to rig the dam with an explosive, which leaves his fate unknown as both Little B and Dom look at each other worried.

*'''You made one mistake. You never took my car.'''
**Who: Dominic Toretto
**Note: Says this to Dante while he and Little B are surrounded by two trailers attempting to crash his car, reminding Dante that he never got rid of it. This allows Dom to drive off the bridge into the dam below. They narrowly survive, only for Dante to rig the dam with an explosive, which leaves his fate unknown as both Dom and Little B look at each other worried.

===''[[The Fifth Element]]'' (1997)===
*'''I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again.'''
**Who: Right Arm
**Note: Spoken during a phone conversation with Zorg, following Right Arm's failure to accomplish his mission. Zorg replies &quot;I know.&quot;, following which Right Arm immediately dies.

*'''Oh no...'''
**Who: Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg
**Note: Zorg has just deactivated a bomb, but a dying Mangalore reactivates it, leaving him with no more than 5 seconds to live.

===''[[Fight Club (film)|Fight Club]]'' (1999)===
*'''What's that smell?'''
**Who: Tyler Durden
**Note: Tyler is a figment of the narrator's imagine that takes over when he falls asleep. The narrator &quot;tricks&quot; Tyler into believing the back of his head is blown out when he shoots himself through the cheek.

===''[[w:The Final Cut (2004 film)|The Final Cut]]'' (2004)===
*'''Will you look at that...'''
**Who: Alan Hakman

===The ''[[Final Destination#The Final Destination franchise|Final Destination]]'' series===
====''[[Final Destination (film)|Final Destination]]'' (2000)====
*'''I'm moving on, Carter, and if you wanna waste your life beating the shit out of Alex every time you see him, then you can just drop fucking dead!'''
**Who: Terry Chaney
**Note: Carter is arguing with Alex about with his thoughts on Death's Design, and Terry yells at them and says the above line before being run over by a bus and killed.

*'''You will be. YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD! And you ain't takin' me with you!'''
**Who: Billy Hitchcock
**Note: Alex just saved Carter from being run over by a train. Billy freaks out on Death's Design and says that Carter is next. After he says the above line, the train runs over some shrapnel, causing it to fly off, decapitating Billy.

====''[[Final Destination 2]]'' (2003)====
*'''Jesus Christ!'''
**Who: Evan Lewis
**Note: Lottery winner and a survivor of the Route 180 pileup. While making supper for himself back in his apartment, his ring drops in the sink's garbage disposal, and his hand gets stuck while he tries to retrieve it. At the same time, a fire is caused by both his microwave failing on him and catching fire, while one of the burners on the stove adds to the flames. Eventually, Evan manages to get his wrist out from the sink, and climbs out the fire escape before his apartment explodes. Thinking he was lucky to still be alive, he doesn't notice tripping over the spaghetti he tossed out the window moments earlier. The ladder he jostled while escaping from the explosion now comes down on him and impales him right through his eye. His corpse is later shown being incinerated at William Bludworth's crematory.

*'''I don't wanna die!'''
**Who: Nora Carpenter
**Note: One of the last surviving family members in the Carpenter family. She is heavily grieving over the death of her son Tim (who some time after the pileup died when a glass windowpane at a dentist's office fell and crushed him). Later, at an apartment building, she and Eugene in a elevator when she is told by the other characters that a man with hooks is going to kill her. Coincidentally, a man with closet hooks was in the elevator with them, and she panics, causing her hair to snag on a hook. While she tries to run out of the elevator, she is pulled back towards it, and the doors close in on her throat. Eventually, the doors sever her head off.

*'''Eugene...'''
**Who: Clear Rivers
**Note: She is in killed in a explosion in a hospital, along with Eugene, who she was referencing in the above line. She was the only remaining survivor of the Flight 180 crash from Final Destination 1.

====''[[Final Destination 3]]'' (2006)====
*'''I was gonna look you up afterwards, but--''' ''[notices Wendy looking scared]'' '''You okay? Is something wrong?'''
*'''The train.'''
*''[alarmed]'' '''Oh, shit. Not again.'''
*'''''WE GOTTA GET OUT!'''''
*''[Kevin pulls emergency brake, but it doesn't work]'' '''''IT'S NOT WORKING! SOMEBODY STOP THE TRAIN!'''''
**Who: Kevin Fischer and Wendy Christensen
**Note: Last words said at the end of the film. Wendy has a premonition of the train crash, and the last we see of Wendy is the scared look on her face, as the screen cuts to black, and the sound of metallic screeching is heard.

====''[[The Final Destination]]'' (2009)====
*'''Hurry up, you two! I've got my eye on you.'''
**Who: Samantha Lane ([[w:Krista Allen|Krista Allen]])
**Note: After talking to two kids who were throwing rocks, she leaves a salon she was at, and a lawnmower runs over a rock that was in the grass, and it slams into her face, searing her eye off (similar to Evan's death in ''Final Destination 2'').

*'''Have you all lost your fucking mind!?!'''
**Who: Nadia Monroy
**Note: After Nick convinces the group to leave the stadium after he saw a premonition of a car crash, everyone panics and Nadia screams the above line before her head is crushed by a flying tire, reducing it to mush.

*'''My wife said deja vu is God's way of saying-'''
**Who: George
**Note: Ran over by a bus before he can finish this line.

*'''I was meant to see-this-movie!'''
**Who: Janet
**In Nick's premonition of the mall, Janet refuses to leave the cinema, shouting the above line. The screen then explodes, and Janet is impaled by shrapnel.

====''[[Final Destination 5]]'' (2011)====
*'''Oh shit.'''
**Who: Issac Palmer
**Note: One of the survivors of the bridge collapse from earlier in the film. He is later at a Chinese massage parlor, getting a acupuncture treatment, when the table he is resting on collapses and the needles embed deep inside him. At the same time, the candles in the room are knocked over, causing the room to be set ablaze. Crawling away to safety, he sighs in relief, until a Buddha statue drops from a broken shelf and crushes his head.

*'''Help me!'''
**Who: Olivia Castle
**Note: Whilst having laser eye surgery, the machine malfunctions and burns her eye and hand. She manages to break free, and says the above line several times as her eye bleeds. Sam, Molly and the doctor arrive to help her, but before they can do anything, Olivia trips and falls out of the window onto a car below. Her eye subsequently falls out and is run over by another car.

*'''Who's what?'''
**Who: Dennis Lapman
**Note: The cynical boss of the bridge survivors. He arrives at the factory to question Sam, Nathan, Molly and Peter on the accidental death of Nathan's co-worker. Nathan and Peter ask Sam who is next on Death's list. Dennis asks the above question, just as a stray wrench is launched at him by a belt sander. The wrench penetrates him in the head, spraying blood all over the others and killing him instantly. It is shown that the wrench cut into Dennis's head where his eyes should be.

*'''Tell Candice I love her.'''
**Who: Peter Friedkin
**Note: Insane from the death of girlfriend Candice (who had snapped her spine in a freak gym accident in front of him), he attempts to kill Molly in revenge, since she survived Sam's vision. Peter murders Agent Block, who interrupted the skirmish, but continues to pursue Molly in order to remove witnesses. A violent fight ensues, which culminates in Peter overpowering her. He says the above line as he prepares to stab Molly, but Sam kills him by stabbing him in the back with a large meat skewer before he can do so.

*'''Sam!'''
**Who: Molly Harper
**Note: The girlfriend of protagonist Sam Lawton, who spent most of the movie trying to solve the pattern and how to prevent Death's Design. At the end, she is with Sam on [[Final Destination|Flight 180]], and is sucked out of the plane (and bisected by a plane wing) before it explodes.

*'''Molly! Hold on!'''
**Who: Sam Lawton
**Note: Premonitionist of the movie. After avoiding the bridge collapse, and saving his girlfriend Molly from a berserk co-worker's murder frenzy, he ends up on Flight 180. When it is about to explode, Molly is nearly sucked out, and Sam tries to save her. He fails, as she is sucked out and killed regardless. In defeat, he accepts his fate and is burned alive as the plane explodes.

*'''Any day?'''
**Who: Nathan Sears
**Note: The last remaining survivor of the bridge collapse, he is at a bar following the funeral for Roy (a fellow employee he accidentally killed earlier in the film), when a fellow co-worker comes over to him and tells him that Roy's passing was probably for the best, explaining that after viewing an autopsy, they discovered Roy had a brain aneurysm that would've burst at any moment, saying he could've died any day. Nathan then says this line, to which the co-worker responds with &quot;Life's a bitch&quot;, before a turbine from Flight 180 (see above) falls and crushes him to death, sending his hand flying straight at the screen.

===''[[Flash Gordon (film)|Flash Gordon]]'' (1980)===
*'''May this deed of Prince Thun be an example...to all the kingdoms of Mongo...DEATH TO MING!!!'''
**Who: Prince Thun
**Notes: Prince Thun is told as a tribute to Ming to stab himself with his sword. But Thun attempts to take Ming by surprise, only to be frozen in place, then the emperor stabs him with the sword.

===''[[Flubber (film)|Flubber]]'' (1997)===
*'''Kiss me, big boy!'''
**Who: Weebo
**Notes: Said while leading Smith and Wesson on a chase through Brainard's house. But Wesson hits her with a baseball bat, rendering her smashed beyond repair.

===''The Fly'' series===
====''[[The Fly (1986 film)|The Fly]]'' (1986)====
*'''We'll be the ultimate family. A family of three, joined together in one body...more human than I am alone.'''
**Who: Seth Brundle
**Note: After Seth reveals his plan to fuse with Veronica and their unborn child, she tries to fight him off. In the process, she accidentally tears off his jaw, triggering his final transformation into a mute human-fly hybrid creature. Seth tries to implement his plan, only for Stathis to free Veronica, while Seth is fused to part of his telepod. The mortally wounded Seth beckons Veronica to end his life with Stathis's shotgun and she obliges.

====''[[The Fly II|The Fly II]]'' (1989)====
*'''Fuck!'''
**Who: Scorby

*'''No! Don't! No! NOOOOO!!!'''
**Who: Antonius Bartok

===''[[w:Fong Sai-yuk (film)|Fong Sai-yuk]]''===
*'''Even you won't be able to help him. Now...We're both going to die together.'''
**Who: The Governor of Nine Gates
**Note: In the final battle against the Governor of Nine Gates, he tries to use dynamite to take the Red Flower Society leader Chan Ka-Kok with him. But he loses his grip, then Chan pierces him with sword, then Fong Sai-yuk throws a spear into the dynamite then it blows the governor up.

===''[[The Forbidden Kingdom]]'' (2008)===
*'''Who are you?'''
**Who: Jade Warlord
**Notes: Said when Golden Sparrow draws his attention. She throws a Jade Dart at him, but he deflects it with Chi magic before attacking the Monkey King again. He is then defeated by being batted by the Monkey King into Jason, who impales his heart with the dart, causing him to fall into a fiery abyss.

*'''I...I thank you...'''
**Who: Golden Sparrow
**Notes: Said to Jason, after he has killed the Jade Warlord, having been critically wounded by him. The same actress appears later in the film in a different time period, leaving an open question as to whether she was resurrected, or the later appearance is simply a different person who looks the same.

===''[[Forrest Gump]]'' (1994)===
*'''I wanna go home.'''
**Who: Benjamin Beuford &quot;Bubba&quot; Blue
**Note: Character was shot while fighting in Vietnam. He is found and carried to safety by Forrest Gump. Bubba asks, &quot;Forrest, why did this happen?&quot; to which Forrest responds, &quot;You got shot.&quot; Forrest, doing a voice-over, says, &quot;Then, Bubba said something I won't ever forget.&quot; Bubba then says this line.

*'''I will miss you, Forrest.'''
**Who: Mrs. Gump
**Note: Mrs. Gump is dying of cancer. She speaks to her son Forrest when he rushes home after getting a call that his mother is dying.

*'''I love you.'''
**Who: Jenny Curran
**Note: Spoken to Forrest as she lies in bed talking to him. She dies of an unknown virus, possible HIV or AIDS.

===''[[Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare]]'' (1991)===
:''See ''[[#The A Nightmare on Elm Street franchise|''the ''A Nightmare on Elm Street'' franchise'']]'' below.''

===The ''[[Friday the 13th (franchise)|Friday the 13th]]'' franchise===
:''See ''[[last words in Friday the 13th films|''last words in ''Friday the 13th'' films'']]''.''

===''[[The Frighteners]]'' (1996)===
*'''Lucy, better close the door. Hurry up.'''
*'''You killed her...'''
**Who: Frank Bannister ([[w:Michael J. Fox|Michael J. Fox]])
**Note: He dies twice in the movie and is resurrected twice. First was when he allowed Lucy to freeze him to death so he could fight Bartlett in spirit form (he's later brought back through quick medical procedures). Second was when he was trying to finish Bartlett by getting to a chapel to bury his remains. He is choked to death by Patricia, and goes to Heaven but is later told by Stuart and Cyrus that it's &quot;not his time&quot; and is resurrected.

*'''Bye, Frank!'''
**Who: Johnny Bartlett
**Note: He is eaten by creatures from Hell along with Patricia after rescuing her from Frank.

*'''Johnny! Johnny!'''
**Who: Patricia Ann Bradley

*'''I'm an asshole...with an Uzi!'''
**Who: Milton Dammers
**Note: Last words before accidentally getting shot by Patricia.

*'''Here, take your shit and get the hell out of my house! C'mon! Move!'''
*'''Lucy, go!'''
**Who: Ray Lynskey
**Note: Last words said by Ray to Frank while he was a human. He is later killed by Johnny Bartlett/Death (not portrayed on-screen). As a spirit, he is killed again by Bartlett while trying to help Lucy escape from Patricia's home.

*'''I think we got him.'''
**Who: Stuart
**Note: Stuart, one of Frank's ghost assistants, is stabbed through the head seconds later, by Bartlett.

*'''Go, Frank! Get out of here! Please! Now!'''
**Who: Cyrus
**Note: Another one of Frank's ghost assistants; as he's giving Frank and Lucy time to escape by fending off Bartlett, Bartlett gets the upper hand and pulls Cyrus' soul out of his ghost body.

*'''My juices are flowing again!'''
**Who: The Judge
**Note: He is chopped in half by Bartlett.

*'''Oh no! No!'''
*You're a murderer!
**Who: Magda Rees-Jones
**Note: Frank finds out that Magda is Bartlett's next victim, so he kidnaps Magda in an attempt to try and escape from Bartlett. While being chased, Frank accidentally crashes his car into the woods. Madga tries and escapes but Bartlett catches her and kills her. As a spirt, she yells at Frank thinking it was he who killed her and his wife, as she transcends into Heaven.

===''[[Full Metal Jacket]]'' (1987)===
*'''Now, you listen to me, Private Pyle, and you listen good. I want that weapon. And I want it ''now.'' You will place that rifle on the deck at your feet...and step back away from it.''' ''[Pyle insanely smiles, lifts the rifle up and aims it at Hartman.]'' '''''WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMBNUTS?! DIDN'T MOMMY AND DADDY SHOW YOU ENOUGH ATTENTION WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD?!'''''
**Who: Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
**Note: The character is then shot by a mentally unsound person, whom the character frequently abused.

*'''I can hack it.'''
**Who: Private Cowboy
**Notes: While bleeding out from being shot in the back by a sniper.

*'''Shoot...me...'''
**Who: VC sniper girl
**Note: After being shot, a young female VC sniper begs Private Joker to shoot her rather than dying a slow death. He complies.

===''[[w:Fullmetal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shambala|Fullmetal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shambala]]'' (2005)===
*'''Please, I just want to go home...where Mommy is.''' ''[screams in agony.]'' '''NOW!'''
**Who: Wrath
**Note: Wrath has just ended a fight with a gigantic and mutated Gluttony by smashing his own automated arm into the center of an alchemic array. In doing so he has locked his arm in place so that Gluttony cannot pull Wrath away. As Gluttony begins crushing Wrath's torso with his jaws, Wrath pleads with Alphonse to use him and Gluttony as an alchemical sacrifice. In The Gate, he is reunited with his mother and fades into a Portal of Truth

*'''Give Al...my regards.'''
**Who: Hohenheim Elric
**Note: Character offers his life to open a portal between worlds. He ends his own life by causing envy, now mutated into a giant dragon, to bite down on him, opening the portal.

*'''We're real, Edward. Not just one of your dreams, like your father. I care, and I make mistakes. I may not live much longer, but I'll still be here. Just don't forget me.'''
**Who: Alphonse Heimlech
*Note: The character is dying of TB, and has built huge rocket planes for the Thule Society to make his mark on the world. He regrets his actions when Eckart shoots Edward, and places him in a small rocket plane to stop them. He is shot by one of his Nazi overlords and dies soon after. The Gypsy Noah dances at his funeral.

*'''Open it again...The doorway...we must destroy it...sham...balla...'''
**Who: &quot;Chairman&quot; Eckart
**Notes: The character has become utterly encased in trandimensional matter, which forms around her in an apparatus resembling a pressure suit. She is shot and killed by one of her colleauges. The character had a nasty habit of shooting people she didn't need any more, so her death is poetic justice.

==G==
===''[[w:Gamer (film)|Gamer]]'' (2009)===
*'''When I think it, you fucking do it!'''
**Who: Ken Castle
**Notes: Last words before being stabbed in the abdomen.

===''[[w:Gandhi (film)|Gandhi]]'' (1982)===
*'''Oh, God! Oh, God...'''
**Who: Mahatma Gandhi
**Notes: Last words after being shot in the chest multiple times by an assassin.

*'''We must have the courage to take their anger.'''
**Who: Jallianwalla Bagh speaker
**Notes: Said to the crowds at Jallianwalla Bagh, before becoming one of the casualties when Colonel Dyer orders his troops to open fire on the crowd.

*'''Four times he tried, and failed. But then he took a solemn vow.''' [Margaret: ''And he's never broken it?''] '''Not yet.'''
**Who: Kasturba Gandhi
**Notes: Kasturba talks with Margaret Bourke-White about her husband's vow of celibacy, before dying in a later scene from heart failure.

===''[[Gangs of New York]]'' (2002)===
*'''Thank God. I die a true American.'''
** Who: Bill &quot;The Butcher&quot; Cutting
** Notes: It was the aftermath of a gang war attacked by Union troops. After Bill &quot;The Butcher&quot; said his last words, Amsterdam Vallon stabbed him in the stomach, killing him.

*'''Finish it...'''
** Who: 'Priest' Vallon
**Notes: Said to Bill the Butcher after being stabbed during a gang fight, who then stabs him one final time.

*'''Bastards!'''
**Who: Shang
**Notes: Yelled at Union Soldiers during the Draft Riots, and Shang is beat to death after he charges at them.

*'''Come on up. Let's see if we can resolve our grievances the democratic way.'''
**Who: Monk McGinn
**Notes: After refusing a fight between himself and Bill the Butcher, Monk says this before walking back into his shop, thinking Bill is following him. Bill then throws a cleaver into his back and then beats him to death with his own club.

===''[[Geostorm]]'' (2017)===
*'''NO!'''
**Who: Makmond
**Note: Character had managed to obtain data from a malfunctioning satellite and hid the drive, before being ejected into space by Duncan to keep him from exposing the Project Zeus scheme.

*'''Zeus.'''
**Who: Cheng
**Note: Character was intentionally bumped onto the road and injured by a car thanks to rico who makes it look like an accident. He manages to say this line to Max, so he could realize what Project Zeus was, before dying of his injuries.

*'''Yes, sir.'''
**Who: Rico
**Note: Character says this line after treacherous Secretary of State Leonard Dekkom ordered him to make sure President Palma doesn't leave the stadium they are in. However, Secret Service agent Sarah Wilson, aware of Dekkom's treachery, fakes a terrorist attack to help Max extract the President from the stadium, forcing Rico and other mercenaries to go after him in a car chase across Orlando. The chase ends with Max's car ramming Rico's, abandoning him to die inside his car when it explodes.

*'''Please. We're gonna keep all the best bits. Aren't you a little bit curious to watch the world...burn?'''
*'''Oh, shit!'''
**Who: Duncan Taylor
**Note: Character was revealed to be a traitor inside the ISS crew, and says the first line while consequently confronting Jake with a gun. However, Jake replies &quot;No, because millions of people are gonna die. And one of them's my daughter.&quot; The ensuing struggle ends with Duncan accidentally shooting a hole in a window. Jake immediately seals him in the room, leaving him to be ejected into space when the window breaks.

===''[[Get Carter]]'' (1971)===
*'''Goodbye, Eric!'''
**Who: Jack Carter ([[Michael Caine]]) 
**Notes: Soon after killing Eric, character is himself murdered.

===''[[Ghost (1990 film)|Ghost]]'' (1990)===
*'''It's amazing, Molly. The love inside. You take it with you. See ya.'''
**Who: Sam Wheat ([[w:Patrick Swayze|Patrick Swayze]])
**Note: Said to his love interest, Molly Jensen, before entering a heavenly afterlife. An emotional Molly replies, &quot;See ya. Bye.&quot;

===''[[Ghostbusters: Afterlife|Ghostbusters: Afterlife]]'' (2021)===
*'''Your Eminence. Goddess of gods. I have built this temple for you, so that you might return to Earth. And together, we... we can rule the world--'''
**Who: Ivo Shandor ([[w:J. K. Simmons|J. K. Simmons]])
**Note: Character has worshipped the malevolent deity Gozer in order to grant it access to Earth and bring about the apocalypse, also preserving himself in suspended animation in order to live to see it happen. However, he is torn apart by Gozer once it no longer needs him.

===''[[G.I. Joe: Retaliation]]'' (2013)===
*'''Incoming! Incoming! Go, go, go, go, go!'''
**Who: Duke
**Notes: Spotting a Cobra chopper and knowing he can't escape, he shouts these Flint as he pushes him out of the way before the humvee is blown and Duke is killed.

*'''Be a good G.I. Joe and drop the gun. We're walking out of here. I will shoot him in the head. Do you understand me? You're not listening, are you? Put the gun down! DROP IT!'''
**Who: Zandar
**Note: Zartan's brother posing head of security. Zandar holds the President at gunpoint and threatens to kill him before the Joes Lady Jaye and Colton, but Jaye shoots the president's arm so Colton can get a clear shot and kill Zandar.

*'''Yeah, I can see that was wrong.'''
**Who: Zartan
**Note: The master of disguise for Cobra Command, Zartan using the President's face, admits he killed Storm Shadow's master, then he is stabbed to death by Storm Shadow.

*'''You want that case? You're gonna have to come through me. Oh, yeah. That's right.'''
**Who: Firefly
**Note: A G.I. JOE turned to Cobra henchman, Firefly dares Roadblock to try and get the Project Zeus suitcase, then fights him before being blown up by his own drone thanks to Roadblock.

===''[[Gladiator (2000 film)|Gladiator]]'' (2000)===
*'''Commodus...'''
**Who: Marcus Aurelius
**Note: Said to a weeping Commodus, who he had denied the title of Emperor due to his failings, which he blamed on himself. Commodus then smothers him by hugging him incredibly hard to his chest.

*'''Shadows and dust.'''
**Who: Proximo
**Note: Line was said early to describe mortals like he and Maximus. Said again moments before he is stabbed to death for betraying the Caesar.

*'''Sword! Give me a sword!'''
**Who: Commodus
**Note: Said after he is disarmed by Maximus in their duel. When nobody gives him a sword, he attacks Maximus with a hidden dagger, but Maximus overpowers him and drives it into his throat.

*'''Lucius is safe.'''
**Who: Maximus Decimus Meridius ([[w:Russell Crowe|Russell Crowe]])
**Note: Character played by Russel Crowe has just defeated the Commodus after he was secretly, lethally stabbed before the public fight. He is referring to Lucilla's son, who she feared Commodus may kill.

===''[[Glory (film)|Glory]]'' (1989)===
*'''COME ON 54TH!'''
**Who: Col. Robert Shaw
**Notes: Shaw was trying to rally his troops to invade a Confederate base. He was shot immediately after saying this, trying to scale a sand dune.

===''The Godfather'' films===
:''See ''[[last words in The Godfather media|''last words in ''The Godfather'' media'']]''.''

===The [[Godzilla (franchise)|''Godzilla'']] franchise===
====''[[Godzilla (1954 film)|Gojira]]'' (1954)====
*'''Ogata, it worked! Both of you, be happy. Goodbye...farewell.'''
**Who: Dr. Daisuke Serizawa
**Note: Said after deploying his Oxygen Destroyer to kill Godzilla. He then cuts the line on his dive suit so he cannot be pulled up, and dies with Godzilla.

====''[[Godzilla (1998 film)|Godzilla]]'' (1998)====
*'''I think I lost him.'''
**Who: Echo 4
**After being chased, and apparently losing Zilla, the soldier in Echo 4 helicopter says this before the monster below him takes the helicopter out.

====''[[Godzilla 2000]]'' (1999)====
*'''GODZILLA!!!'''
**Who: Katagiri
**Note: Screamed at Godzilla, who was resting his claw on the front of the building he was on. Godzilla rips the part of the building down and Katagiri falls to his death.

====''[[Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S.]]'' (2003)====
*'''SAYONARA YOSHITO'''
**Who: Kiryu (Mechagodzilla)
**Note: These words are shown on the screen on board the Kiryu to the mechanic Yoshito Chujo, who is about to fall out from Mechagodzilla. Yoshito responds, &quot;Sayonara...Kiryu,&quot; and falls down, but he is caught by a pilot on the jet, which ejects and catches him in mid-air. Then, both Kiryu and Godzilla fall into the ocean, to their final resting place.

====''Godzilla: King of the Monsters'' (2019)====
*'''Son of a bitch. It worked!'''
**Who: Dr. Tim Mancini
**Note: He exclaims this after seeing Dr. Emma Russell activate the ORCA to calm down the newborn Mothra. Not moments later, Alan Jonah's soldiers arrive and gun down the science team. Mancini raises his hands high before Jonah shoots him in the face.

*'''Goodbye...old friend.'''
**Who: Dr. Ishirō Serizawa
**Note: Said in Japanese. He sacrifices himself when he manually detonates the nuclear weapon, which revives the weakened Godzilla by surging him with nuclear energy.

*'''Long live the King.'''
**Who: Dr. Emma Russell
**Note: She is thrown from a car after King Ghidorah attacks. She utters this in Ghidorah's presence, before Godzilla arrives and kills it.

===''Gold'' (1974)===
*'''You go, my friend.'''
**Who: Johnny Nkulu/Big King
**Note: The chief miner of the Sonderditch mine. As he and his best friend Rod Slater set up explosives, the former places his friend in a dinghy and King bids this. While Rod cries out to him, Big King detonates the charge to seal the breached dyke but also kills himself in the blast.

*'''He's too late. He can't do anything, he's too late.'''
**Who: Manfred Steyner
**Note: The corrupt director manager of the Sonderditch mine. He gloats this thinking Rod Slater will arrive a bit late to stop the flood. Fortunately, Slater and King seal the dyke. When he and Marais hear their plan has failed, Marais vengefully chases him in his car eventually fatally running him down.

*'''You didn't think of that, did you?'''
**Who: Stephen Marais
**Note: Said when he spots Rod Slater's plane about to land close to the mine. When he learns the plot to flood the mine for profits has failed, Marais runs Steyner down fatally but the latter shatters his car window. He loses control of his car and crashes dying in the car's explosion and fire.

===''The Golden Child'' (1986)===
*'''I did not spend the night with you to obligate you. I spent the night with you, because I love you...'''
**Who: Kee Nang
**Note: Said after taking an arrow fired by Numspa meant for Jarrell and dies from the wound.

*'''I could destroy you ''[snaps his fingers]'' just like that...!'''
**Who: Sardo Numspa
**Note: Said while confronting Jarrell at the airport over the Ajanti dagger. After that, he says nothing else. When Jarrell confronts him much later in the villain's hideout, Numspa changes into his true demonic form and wildly chases Jarrell and the Golden Child with the intent of killing them. At Doctor Hong's shop, the Golden Child gets the dagger into Jarrell's hands, so the hero stabs the Ajanti dagger into Numspa's heart destroying the demon.

===''[[Gone Baby Gone]]'' (2007)===
*'''I love children.'''
**Who: Remy Bressant
**Note: Said after being asked why he kidnapped Amanda.

===''[[Gone in 60 Seconds]]'' (2000)===
*No, you've got that the wrong way around; If I kill you, YOUR life's over! Not all bad though. Funeral on the telly, everybody out there, pressed and dressed, guard of honor, twenty-one gun salute and the stars and stripes draped all over your coffin. It'll be the greatest day of your life.
**Who: Raymond Callitri
**Note: A crime boss seeking to steal fifty cars compelling the Raines brothers to accomplish this mission lest Kip be executed. When cornered in his hideaway by Castlebeck, he says this in response to how killing the cop will make his life even worse than it already is. Thankfully, Memphis Raines knocks the crime boss over the catwalk railing sending him falling to his death on the same coffin he intended for Kip.

===''[[The Good Shepherd]]'' (2006)===
*'''Get out while you still can, Edward...while you still live...while you still have a soul.'''
**Who: Edward Wilson’s Poetry Professor
**Notes: Edward Wilson had been ordered to offer his former poetry professor, another person involved in intelligence services, a chance to resign due to his being indiscreet, but the professor refuses. The professor ties Edward’s shoes (a pre-arranged signal) and says this line before some agents, seeing the signal, kill him off-screen and dump his body in the river.

*'''I am free...'''
**Who: Valentin
**Notes: Character had been believed to have been an impostor, and was punched and drenched with water before being given LSD (in an attempt to convince him to tell the truth). After being given LSD, he confirms his story, says that Soviet power is a myth, and then says this line before leaping out a window to his death.

===''[[Goodfellas]]'' (1990)===
*'''Why don't you go fuck yourself, Tommy?'''
**Who: &quot;Spider&quot; ([[w:Michael Imperioli|Michael Imperioli]])
**Notes: Shot by Tommy DeVito.

*'''No, no, no, no don't, no, no...'''
**Who: Billy Batts
**Notes: Batts had been nearly beaten to death by Jimmy, Tommy, and Henry and placed in the trunk of their car. When they hear him struggle while driving, they stop and open the trunk. He says this before Tommy stabs him multiple times, and Jimmy finishes him off by shooting him.

*'''Be ready in a minute.'''
**Who: &quot;Stacks&quot; Edwards ([[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]])
**Note: Character is late for a criminal operation. Tommy DeVito replies &quot;Yeah, you were always late, you were late for your own fuckin' funeral.&quot; and shoots him.

*'''Hear about the points we were shaving in Boston?''' [No, I didn't.] '''Oh, it was terrific. Yeah, Nunzio, up in-'''
**Who: Morrie
**Note: Morrie gets into a car with fellow mobsters, saying this right before Tommy DeVito impales the back of his head with an ice pick. Tommy then says ironically 'Never though he'd shut the fuck up.'

*'''Oh no!'''
**Who: Tommy DeVito ([[w:Joe Pesci|Joe Pesci]])
**Note: Said after realizing he was about to get killed. He is then shot in the back of the head.

===''[[The Grand Budapest Hotel]]'' (2014)===
*'''I love you.'''
**Who: Madame D

*'''I'm an attorney, Dmitri; I'm obligated to proceed according to rule of law. Not agreed.'''
*'''Did he just throw my cat out of the window?'''
**Who: Deputy Vilmos Kovacs
**Note: Character says the first line while confirming his refusal to work with Madame D's son, Dmitri, and the second line after Dmitri's contract killer, J.G. Jopling, responds by throwing Kovacs' cat out of the window. He is not seen or heard saying any other lines afterwards, and Jopling enacts further retaliation later on by chopping the lawyer's fingers off and killing him behind a closed door.

*'''Right.'''
**Who: Serge X.
**Note: Character was trying to reveal information to M. Gustave regarding the Second Copy of Madame D's second will, but is strangled to death off-screen before he can reveal any of the information.

*'''You filthy goddamn pock-marked facist assholes!'''
**Who: M. Gustave
**Note: Character says this line to a death squad to protect Zero and Agatha, a repeat of what he said to the police on the initial train ride earlier in the film. He is revealed to have subsequently been shot later on, while Zero and Agatha survive the incident.

===''[[Gran Torino]]'' (2008)===
*'''Got a light?  No?  I've got a light.  Hail Mary, full of grace.'''
**Who: Walt Kowalski
**Note: After numerous problems involving a close family to Walt, and a Hmong gang, Walt comes to the conclusion that the family won't ever be at peace until the gang leaves for good.  At night, Walt comes over to their house and stands outside.  After a small heated discussion, which ends up with several gang members pointing guns at Walt, Walt pulls out a cigarette.  Asks if any of them  have a light.  They look confused, he says he has a light.  He says a Hail Mary and reaches into the inside of his coat.  He quickly whips his hand out.  As he does this, the gang members open fire, shooting multiple rounds into Walt, who is killed.  His hand is revealed to be holding his lighter.

===''[[Gravity (film)|Gravity]]'' (2013)===
*'''You should see the sun on the Ganges. It's amazing.'''
**Who: Matt Kowalski
**Note: Character kills himself by detaching from Ryan Stone to avoid pulling her out to space with him, and says this as he is gazing at the Earth for the last time. 

*'''Need some help there, Matt?'''
**Who: Shariff

===''[[The Green Mile]]'' (1999)===
*'''Boy, watchu lookin' at? Watchu lookin' at, you limp noodle? You wanna kiss my ass? You wanna suck my dick?'''
**Who: William &quot;Wild Bill&quot; Wharton

*'''Heaven...I'm in heaven....'''
**Who: John Coffey

===''[[Gremlins]]'' (1984)===
*'''Gizmo caca!'''
**Who: Stripe
**Notes: Killed by sunlight.

===''[[Grindhouse (film)|Grindhouse]]'' (2007)===
====''[[Grindhouse (film)#Planet Terror|Planet Terror]]''====
*'''Don't worry, baby, you'll find your way...'''
**Who: El Wray
**Note: Last words before dying of his wounds.  He was hit multiple times while exhanging fire between an infected soldier.

*'''I never had a choice.'''
**Who: Muldoon ([[w: Bruce Willis|Bruce Willis]])
**Note: Said after transforming into an infected. He is then shot to death by El Wray and Abby.

*'''My turn.'''
**Who: Doctor Block
**Note: Last words before being shot by Earl McGraw. He had cornered Dakota in an abandoned helicopter and was about to stab her with a needle.

*'''Oh, shit.'''
**Who: Deputy Tolo
**Note: Said in amazement to El Wray's revolver tricks. He gets torn apart by the infected minutes later.

*'''What if it's dad?'''
**Who: Tony
**Note: Last words before accidentally shooting himself. His mother told him to shoot anyone that comes toward the car, if it wasn't her.

*'''No, fuck it! Fuck the gas! I'm just gonna have to make it quick!'''
**Who: Rapist #1 ([[w: Quentin Tarantino|Quentin Tarantino]])
**Note: Last words before transforming into an infected and then being shot with a grenade launcher. His words were a response to another soldier telling him to take the gas to prevent from decaying but he was too focused on trying to rape Cherry.

*'''Wait here.'''
**Who: Abby
**Note: Last words while the group was trying to make it to the helicopters. He is shot in the head after exposing himself.

*'''Ok, but you have to take this recipe to the grave.'''
**Who: J.T.
*I think I can god damn guarantee that.
**Who: Sheriff Hague
**Note: Last words before blowing themselves up inside the army base. They were already dying of their wounds so J.T. decided to tell Hague his secret barbeque sauce recipe.

====''[[Grindhouse (film)#Death Proof|Death Proof]]''====
*'''Hey, I, I get it. It's just a joke. I know all about jokes but if you can just let me out now, I promise I won't tell anybody because I know it's a joke. Please just-'''
**Who: Pam
**Note: Character was trying to get Stuntman Mike to slow down and not speed due to her lack of a seatbelt. In result, he sped up even faster and then applied the brakes, causing her to break her neck on the way out of the windshield.

===''[[Guardians of the Galaxy (film)]]'' (2014)===
*'''Take my hand.'''
**Who: Meredith Quill
**Note: The character was Peter Quill's mother, who was dying of cancer. After giving her son his Birthday gift, which is revealed in the end to be another mix tape, &quot;Awesome Mix Vol. 2&quot;, she says these to Peter before she succumbs to the cancer and dies. It was revealed in the sequel, ''Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2'' that Peter's father Ego gave Meredith a cancerous tumor.

*'''You...will never...rule Xandar.''' [Ronan: No. '''I WILL CURE IT!!!''']
**Who: Ronan's Xandarian Prisoner
**Note: Said before being mercilessly executed by Ronan, who crushed him with his Universal Hammer.

*'''Lower your tone! I may be your-'''
**Who: The Other (Alexis Denisof)
**Note: As Ronan started laying his grievances against Thanos, The Other says these words before Ronan used his Universal Warhammer to rotate the Other's head 180 degrees, killing him instantly.

*'''I will no longer be your slave!'''
**Who: Carina
**Note: The character  was the assistant of Taneleer Tivan, The Collector. When Gamora, Star-Lord, Rocket, Groot, and Drax delivered the Power Stone to the Collector, Carina seized the opportunity to free herself of slavery and tried to steal the Infinity stone. She grabbed the stone, however she was not strong enough to handle it; her body exploded with energy, killing her, and destroying much of the Collector's collection.

*'''You Thief! You will never make it to Ronan!'''
**Who: Korath the Pursuiter (Djimon Hounsou)
**Note: Said to Peter Quill/Star-Lord while tring to stop him from reaching Ronan before he is killed in a duel by Drax.

*'''Yondu Udonta! Order your man to turn on the Nova Corps!''' ''[Yondu whistles and summons his dagger]'' '''Enough nonsense, Ravager! Time to die-'''
**Who: Unnamed Sakaaran Captain
**Note: Character says these words before Yondu summons his dagger with his whistle and uses it to kill him along with the Sakaaran soldiers with him.

*'''Rocket!'''
**Who: Denarian Garthan Saal
**Note: Said to Rocket Raccoon while trying to hold down against Ronan's ship, the Dark Aster, before Ronan uses the Power of the Orb in the Universal Warhammer to destroy the Nova Corps Ships, killing Saal in the progress.

*'''We...Are...Groot.'''
**Who: Groot (Vin Diesel)
**Note: Said to Rocket Raccoon while seemingly sacrificing himself to save the rest of the team by enveloping them in a wooden ball grown from himself as Ronan's ship crashes. At the film's conclusion, however, Rocket has recovered a twig from Groot, which is shown to be re-growing into a miniature Groot.
He is notable for having a limited vocabulary, on which he could only say: &quot;I am Groot&quot;, although the meaning apparently changes depending on the inflections he uses. But he actually says this phrase, which implies a bond formed between the heroes.

*'''You're Mortal! How?!''' [Peter Quill/Star Lord: You said it yourself, bitch. We're the Guardians of the Galaxy.]
**Who: Ronan the Accuser
**Note: After Rocket and Drax destroyed his warhammer, releasing the Orb from it, Quill, in slow-mo, quickly caught the Orb, only to be almost killed by its power. When Gamora, Drax, and Rocket grabbed his hand, helping with the burden of the Orb's power, Ronan says these words, to which Quill replies, &quot;You said it yourself, bitch. We're the Guardians of the Galaxy.&quot;, and directs its energy at Ronan, killing him.

===''[[Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2]]'' (2017)===
*'''I am sending you the coordinates for Yondu's ship. I only ask one thing. That your High Priestess tell him the name of the man who sealed his fate: Taserface!'''
**Who: Taserface

*'''No, we need to stop it. Stop. Stop. Listen to me! You are a god. If you kill me, you'll be just like everybody else.''' [Quill: What's so wrong with that?] '''No!'''
**Who: Ego

*'''I'm sorry I didn't do none of it right. I'm damn lucky you're my boy.'''
**Who: Yondu

==H==
===The ''[[Halloween (franchise)|Halloween]]'' franchise===
:''See ''[[last words in the Halloween film series|''last words in the ''Halloween'' franchise'']]''.''

*'''Michael!'''
**Who: Judith Myers
**Source: ''[[Halloween (1978 film)|Halloween]]'' (1978)
**Note: Judith says this to her brother, the six year old Michael Myers, who then repeatedly stabs her to death.

===''[[Hancock (film)|Hancock]]'' (2008)===
*'''You didn't?!'''
**Who: Kenneth &quot;Red&quot; Parker Jr.
**Notes: Character had ones of his hands cut off by Hancock earlier in the movie, and just had his other hand chopped off by Ray, who then killed him.

===''[[w:Hang 'Em High|Hang 'Em High]]'' (1968)===
*'''Alright, Marshal, what do you say I done?''' ''[Jed: You don't remember me, do you?]'' '''No!'''
**Who: Reno
**Note: Said while having an unhappy reunion with Jed Cooper, the lawman he tried to lynch, his adversary tells him &quot;When you hang a man, you better look at him.&quot; Reno tries to shoot him in self-defense only to be gunned down by Jed.

*'''You're now looking, for the last time, at the mortal body of Francis Elroy Duffy, born to John and Edna Duffy, good, God-fearing folk. Who raised me up to be a good man and a good Christian, and I was a good Christian, a good husband to my beloved wife, good father to my children, who I leave behind, hoping that they, and all you, will learn this here lesson which I leave you with. When you take the devil into your mouth, you're doomed! For he is lying there in wait for you inside that bottle of whiskey. Waiting for you to take him into your mouth. Waiting to get down into your guts where he can do his devil's work. Liquor is the most foul, evil thing in this here world. It destroyed good men like myself. It'll destroy you too. Beer is not much better-it's slower, cheaper. So take these words of advice. And remember, you heard them from a poor sinner, got no more cause to lie, 'cause he's going to meet his Maker. Now he's ready. Well that's all I've got to say.'''
**Who: Francis Elroy Duffy
**Notes: A whiskey peddler who is found guilty and sentenced to hang. Francis Duffy gives this speech before he is hanged along with Miller and the two brothers Ben and Billy Joe.

===''[[Hannibal (film)|Hannibal]]'' (2001)===
*'''Allegra, cara, I'll be home just a little later than I said. I'm taking Dr. Fell out for a drink.'''
**Who: Inspector Renaldo Pazzi

*'''Cordell? ''Cordell?'' CORDELL! CORDELL!'''
**Who: [[w:Mason Verger|Mason Verger]]
**Note: Prior to the film, this character was severely mutilated and crippled by Hannibal Lecter. Witnessing Lecter's excape, he orders his personal physician Cordell to enter a pen filled with wild boars in order to retrieve a handgun. Cordell, who is visually distressed, refuses. Lecter talks Cordell into pushing Verger into the pen, who, unable to defend himself, is promptly killed by the boars.

===''[[Hard Boiled]]'' (1992)===
*'''You bastard! Eat shit!'''
**Who: Andy ([[w:Tony Leung Chiu Wai|Tony Leung]])
**Note: After being held at gunpoint by Johnny (the antagonist), he lets Johnny shoot him to give Tequila ([[w: Chow Yun Fat|Chow Yun Fat]]) an opening to shoot Johnny.

===The ''[[Harold &amp; Kumar]]'' series===
*'''Bullets...my only weakness. How did you know?'''
**Who: Officer Palumbo (in a dream)
**Source: ''[[Harold &amp; Kumar Go to White Castle]]'' (2004)

*'''FUCK YOUUUUUUU!!!!'''
**Who: Ron Fox
**Source: ''[[Harold &amp; Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay]]'' (2008)

===''[[Harold and Maude]]'' (1971)===
*[Harold: But I love you.] '''Oh, Harold...that's wonderful. Go and love some more.'''
**Who: Maude
**Note: Last words before dying from an overdose of unidentified tablets. Harold rushes her to the hospital but she passes away before morning.

===''Harry Potter''===
:''See ''[[last words in Harry Potter media|''last words in ''Harry Potter'' media'']]''.''

===''[[w:Hawk the Slayer|Hawk the Slayer]]'' (1980)===
*'''The last elfin mindstone. Think of the great sword in your hand, and it will be so. The Mindsword is now yours, my son...'''
**Who: Hawk and Voltan's father.
**Notes: When mortally wounded by Voltan, he asks his younger child Hawk to imbue the last elfin mindstone with his sword. He then bids these to his son about the Mindsword before dying. This ignites Hawk's quest to hunt down and kill Voltan.

*'''Damn you to HEEEEEEEELL!'''
**Who: Sped
**Notes: After losing to Hawk's party, Gort forces him to hold up his own mace by rope with his teeth. When he curses, he notices his falling mace too late and his facial is crushed to a pulp.

*'''I wanted to prove myself. Hawk...''' ''[Voltan: Hawk? Where?]'' '''He helps the nuns... The gold is in the church... I tried...'''
**Who: Drogo
**Notes: Voltan's son and second-in-command. After being mortally wounded by Hawk who refuses to give into Voltan's demands, he cries these at Voltan's war camp then dies while his father mourns.

*'''There is no time, my beloved. Voltan goes to detroy your father... You must go...'''
**Who: Eliane
**Notes: Hawk's betrothed. Having been denied his marriage to her, Voltan mortally wounds her with a crossbow bolt. She then warns these to Hawk before drawing her dying breath.

*'''You said no blood would be spilt in inside the church; I kept my side of the bargain.'''
**Who: Sister Monica
**Notes: The deputy abbess of the abbey. She betrays Hawk to Voltan to allow him and his forces entry so they can capture Hawk's party. When she tries to explain these, Voltan replies, &quot;Unfortunately, you will not live long enough to realize your mistake!&quot; then knifes her.

*'''I am sorry not to be with you for the final fight... I die as I wanted, among my friends...'''
**Who: Baldin
**Notes: The dwarf companion of Hawk's party. While captured at the abbey, he is mortally wounded by Voltan. After the party escapes, seeing no way to survive, Baldin bids these to his friends before dying. His grave is then protected by the Sorceress's magic barrier.

*'''HAWK, THE CHIEF ABBESS, THEY'RE TAKING HER!'''
**Who: Ranulf
**Notes: The crossbow warrior who fights alongside Hawk. During the final fight at the abbey, Ranulf warns these when the Chief abbess is being taken then is killed with a knife to the back by Voltan.

*'''Brother... I shall wait for you... at the gates of... Hell...!'''
**Who: Voltan
**Notes: Hawk's sinister brother. After a brutal fight, Hawk cuts his stomach open, then Voltan bids these as he dies. Later, the Black Wizard takes the lifeless Voltan into the unknown suggesting the wizard will try to give him a second chance at life...

===''[[Heat (1995 film)|Heat]]'' (1995)===
*'''Come here.'''
**Who: Michael Cherrito
**Notes: While fleeing from police after a failed bank robbery, Cherrito said the line when picking up a little girl in the line of fire. He was shot and killed seconds later by Vincent Hannah.

*'''Please, Neil, don't leave me like this...'''
**Who: Trejo
**Notes: Character was forced to sell out his friends after his wife was held captive. Neil McCauley later found Trejo half dead and his wife killed. He begs Neil to kill him which he does.

*'''How the hell would I know?'''
**Who: Roger van Zant
**Notes: The character was involved with setting up McCauley and killing his friends. McCauley arrives at his house demands to know where his accomplice is. After saying the line, he is shot to death.

*'''Look man, let's just talk about this for a second.'''
**Who: Waingro
**Notes: The character was Van zant's accomplice and McCauley's former partner who set him up. McCauley breaks into his hotel room after the line is said. Waingro is then beaten and shot to death.

*'''Told you I'm never going back.'''
**Who: Neil McCauley ([[w:Robert DeNiro|Robert DeNiro]]) 
**Note: Character is referring to prison, having just been shot by Vincent Hannah who has been chasing him for days.

===''[[Heathers]]'' (1989)===
*'''Corn nuts!'''
**Who: Heather Chandler 
**Note: Said before dying from being served drain cleaner.

*'''You've got power, Veronica. Power I didn't think you had. The slate is clean. Pretend I did blow up the school. All the schools. Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?'''
**Who: Jason Dean ([[w:Christian Slater|Christian Slater]]) 
**Note: To Veronica, just before blowing himself up with dynamite outside their high school.

===The ''Hellboy'' series===
====''[[Hellboy (film)|Hellboy]]'' (2004)====
*'''I'm ready.'''
**Who: Professor Trevor Bruttenholm
**Notes: Character says this after he realizes that Rasputin and Kroenen have entered his headquarters and will soon kill him. Kroenen kills him by stabbing him through the neck with one of his blades after he says this.

*'''Child, look what you have done. You have killed me, an insignificant man. But in my place, there shall rise...a god...'''
**Who: Grigori Rasputin

*'''Hell will hold no surprises for us.'''
**Who: Ilsa
**Notes: Character is killed off-screen by the &quot;god&quot; that Rasputin (to whom she is speaking) had mentioned in his last words.

====''[[Hellboy II: The Golden Army]]'' (2008)====
*'''Nuala...my sister...'''
**Who: Prince Nuada
**Notes: Said as he is dying, his sister having killed herself to kill him through the link they shared.

===''[[Hellraiser (franchise)|Hellraiser]]'' series===
====''[[Hellraiser (film) |Hellraiser]]'' (1987)====
*'''Jesus wept.'''
**Who: Frank Cotton

====''[[Hellraiser: Bloodline]]'' (1996)====
*'''Amen...'''
**Who: Pinhead

===''[[The Hills Have Eyes (2006 film)|The Hills Have Eyes]]'' (2006)===
*'''I did the best I could...I'm sorry!'''
**Who: Gas station attendant
**Note: Last words before committing suicide by blowing his head apart with a [[w:Shotgun|shotgun]].

*'''No! Please...!'''
**Who: [[w:The Carters (The Hills Have Eyes)#Lynne Wood/Lynne Bukowski|Lynne Carter Bukowski]]
**Note: The line references to that a mutant, [[w:List of Mutants in the Hills Have Eyes#Lizard|Lizard]], was holding her baby daughter [[w:The Carters (The Hills Have Eyes)#Baby Catherine|Catherine]] at gunpoint. By doing this, he forces her to let him suck her breasts, and when she stabs him in the leg after he killed her mother, Ethel, he blows her brains out with a [[w:Revolver|revolver]]. This actually doesn't kill her rightaway, but she dies later in her husband's arms.

*''[Whispering]'' '''You're so s-sweet, Doug...I understand why Lynnie loves you...so much...so much...'''
**Who: [[w:The Carters (The Hills Have Eyes)#Ethel Carter|Ethel Carter]]
**Note: Character is deliriously talking to her son-in-law, [[w:The Carters (The Hills Have Eyes)#Doug Wood/Doug Bukowski|Doug]], before dying from a [[w:Ballistic trauma|gunshot wound]] to the abdomen.

*'''Lizard...kill the baby.'''
**Who: [[w:List of Mutants in The Hills Have Eyes|Big Brain]]
**Note: Character is killed by [[w:The Carters (The Hills Have Eyes)#Beast|Beast]], the [[w:The Carters (The Hills Have Eyes)|Carter family's]] [[w:German Shepherd Dog|German Shepherd Dog]].

*'''Here...'''
**Who: [[w:List of Mutants in The Hills Have Eyes|Ruby]]
**Character saves Doug and Baby Catherine by pushing her murderous brother Lizard off a cliff, but she followed him down. She did this because the latter &amp;mdash; whom it had appeared that Doug had killed &amp;mdash; was rising up behind Doug with a shotgun. (She says this line as she hands Catherine over to Doug, and it is also her only line in the entire movie.)

*'''Gimme that baby!'''
**Who: [[w:List of Mutants in The Hills Have Eyes|Lizard]]
**Note: Lizard tries to take Baby Catherine from his younger sister Ruby, but she kicks him him in the face. Then Catherine's father, Doug, brutally smashes him in the face with the butt of a shotgun before shooting him with it three times. Incredibly, this doesn't kill Lizard. However, Ruby pushes him off a cliff, and they both fall to their deaths.

===''[[A History of Violence (film)|A History of Violence]]'' (2005)===
*'''Yeah, Joey, you should have.'''
**Who: Carl Fogarty
**Note: Said to Joey Cusack/Tom Stall, after he remarks he should have kill Fogarty in Philadelphia. Tom/Joey's son shoots Fogarty in the back with a shotgun after this line is said.

*'''Jesus, Joey.'''
**Who: Richie Cusack
**Note: Said to Joey after he has just killed all of his men. Joey then shoots him in the head.

===''[[The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (film)|Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy]]'' (2005)===
*'''Oh, bollocks!'''
**Who: &quot;Franky and Benjy Mouse&quot;
**Note: Said just prior to being crushed under a salad bowl by [[w:Arthur Dent|Arthur Dent]].

===''[[Hocus Pocus (1993 film)|Hocus Pocus (1993 film)]]'' (1993)===
*'''My ungodly book speaks to you. On All Hallows Eve, when the moon is round, a virgin will summon us from under the ground! ''[laughs with a bit of glee]'' We shall be back, and the lives of all the children of Salem will be mine!'''
*'''BoooOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!'''
**Who: Winifred Sanderson
**Note: The first line is spoken by Winifred in 1693, when she and the other sisters, Sarah and Mary, with nooses around their necks, read their magic book, and she prophesies that a virgin (i.e., Max Denison, a young teenage boy who hasn't had sexual relationships) will light the Black Flame Candle in order to raise them up from the dead; after her prophecy, they are hanged.  300 years later, Max inadvertently resurrects them by lighting the candle, whose powers eventually last until dawn.  After Max, his sister Dani, and their friends fend off the sisters until dawn, they eventually end up in a cemetery in Salem, where Max knocks Winnie off onto hallowed ground.  Just as she is about to steal his life, she notices that dawn is approaching, then sees that the hallowed ground she is standing on is turning her to stone.  She says the second line to call out for her magic book before turning into stone completely, after which the sunlight evaporates her and the other sisters into dust.

*'''It's getting kind of stuffy in here.'''
*'''Winnie!!!...''' ''[whispers]'' '''Goodbye...'''
**Who: Sarah Sanderson
**Note: First line is spoken by Sarah, who is then ordered by Winnie to sing along with Mary before giving in and reading the magic book that can prophesy their resurrection, shortly before she is hanged along with the other two.  The second line is spoken when she and the other sisters are fended off by Max and his friends successfully, and at the crack of dawn, at her whisper of &quot;Goodbye...&quot;, she evaporates into dust along with Mary and Winnie.

*[Winnie: Don't get your knickers in a twist! We're just three kindly old spinster ladies.] '''Spending a quiet evening at home.''' [Sarah: Sucking the lives out of little children!]
*'''Uh-oh...buh-bye!'''
**Who: Mary Sanderson
**Note: First line is spoken by Mary when she and the other sisters are discovered by the Salem townsfolk, and they try convincing the townsfolk that they are normal, innocent old ladies before Sarah opens her mouth and inadvertently blows their cover; the next scene, Mary says nothing when she and the other sisters are at the gallows, and after their failed attempt at making the townsfolk dance and reading the magic book's prophecy about their resurrection, they are hanged.  The second line is spoken when Mary and the other sisters are fended off by Max and his friends successfully, and at the crack of dawn, Sarah evaporates into dust, followed by her and then Winnie, ending the power of the Black Flame Candle.

===''[[Hollow Man]]'' (2000)===
*'''One last kiss, for old times' sake.'''
**Who: Sebastian Caine ([[w:Kevin Bacon|Kevin Bacon]])
**Note: Character is sent falling to his death in a fiery explosion.

===''[[Holes]]'' (2003)===
*'''Start diggin', Trout.'''
**Who: Kissin' Kate Barlow
**Note: Gets bit by a Yellow Spotted Lizard whose venom is fatal.

===''[[w:Hombre (film)|Hombre]]'' (1967)===
*'''Well now. What do you suppose Hell's gonna look like?'''
**Who: Cicero Grimes
*'''We all die. It's just a question of when.'''
**Who: John Russell
**Note: Character responds to his adversary's above quote. Then Russell engages Grimes' troupe in a gun fight at the hideout. Russell kills Grimes but is fatally shot by the Mexican outlaw.

*'''I would like at least to know his name...&quot;
**Who: Mexican bandit
**Note: Said after being mortally wounded by John Russell. Mendez replies &quot;He was called John Russell.&quot; then the Mexican joins Russell and Grimes in death.

===[[w:Home Alone (franchise)|''Home Alone'' franchise]]===
====''[[Home Alone]]''====
*'''All right, Johnny, I'm sorry. I'm goin'.'''
**Who: Snakes (Michael Guido)
**Note: Last words before getting shot by Johnny in the in-universe gangster movie, ''Angels with Filthy Souls''.

====''[[Home Alone 2: Lost in New York]]''====
*'''If my love was an ocean, Lindy would have to take two airplanes to get across it.'''
**Who: Carlotta (Clare Hoak)
**Note: Last words before getting shot by Johnny in the in-universe gangster movie, ''Angels with Even Filthier Souls''.

===''[[Hook (film)|Hook]]'' (1991)===
*'''Do you know what I wish?''' [Peter: What is it?] '''I wish I had a dad...like you.'''
**Who: Rufio ([[w:Dante Basco|Dante Basco]])
**Note: Rufio's last words to [[Robin Williams|Peter Pan]], after being stabbed by [[Dustin Hoffman|Captain Hook]].

*'''I want my mommy!'''
**Who: Captain Hook ([[Dustin Hoffman]])
**Note: Last words before getting swallowed by a large, [[w: taxidermy|taxidermic]] crocodile.

===''[[Hot Fuzz]]'' (2007)===
*'''Who is it?'''
**Who: Martin Blower
**Note: Martin is with Eve Draper backstage when they hear a knock on the door. Upon answering it they discover it's a hooded killer who hacks off their heads with an axe.

*'''Hi-hi.'''
**Who: Tim Messenger
**Note: He was going to tell Nicholas Angel about the price of Leslie Tiller's land, if she were to sell it off, but the killer drops a part of the church roof onto Tim, crushing his head to bits.

*'''Well, it turns out that Martin Blower, God rest him, knew where the new bypass road was going because he was knocking off Eve Draper from the council, God rest her. And then that reporter, God rest him, finds out about the route and tells me this land is very valuable, ten times what George Merchant and Martin Blower, God rest them, offered me. So with them up and passed on, I decided to sell it on myself to some folks from the city that Martin, George and Eve, God rest the lot of them, had all been talking to. Apparently they want to build a big shopping centre or something. Course, cousin Sissy won't be too happy about that but, as far as I'm concerned, cousin Sissy can go and fu-''' [Officer Nicholas Angel: Will you excuse me for just one second?]
**Who: Leslie Tiller
**Note: Leslie is talking about a big deal that involved many of the previous victims, and when Nicholas Angel goes to get a pen and paper and write it down, she is stabbed by a hooded killer in the neck with her own gardening shears.

*'''Oh, God, no.'''
**Who: Tom Weaver
**Note: After stumbling back onto an active sea mine, he only has time to mutter this line before it explodes, killing him.

===''[[Howard the Duck (film)|Howard the Duck]]'' (1986)===
*'''Eat claw, duck.''' ''([[Howard the Duck (film)#Howard T. Duck|Howard T. Duck]] begins driving toward the Dark Overlord)'' '''Puny, little duck!'''
**Who:&amp;nbsp; [[Howard the Duck (film)#One of the Dark Overlords of the Universe|one of the Dark Overlords of the Universe]] (voiced by [[Brian Steele]])
**Note:&amp;nbsp; Throughout most of the Dark Overlord's time on [[Earth]], he was possessing the body of Dr. Walter Jenning ([[Jeffrey Jones]]), but at this point in the film, he is released from his vessel and appears as a giant [[monster]].

===''[[The Howling (film)|The Howling]]'' (1981)===
*'''Call it a gift. Come on. Come on, bright boy. Don't you know anything?'''
**Who: Eddie Quist
**Note: Taunts this to Chris before beginning to transform into his werewolf form. But Chris fires his silver bullet rifle at Eddie killing him.

*'''That gun won't do you any good, mister.'''
**Who: T.C. Quist
**Note: Taunts this to Chris as he attempts to converge on him from the barn. But Chris kills him with a silver bullet.

*'''Silver bullets, my ass! Get up, T.C.!'''
**Who: Jerry Warren
**Note: Says this to dismiss the silver bullets never realizing T.C. is dead. Chris then fatally blasts him with a silver bullet too.

*'''Oh, thank god...!'''
**Who: Dr. George Waggner
**Note: Says this after being shot by Chris' silver bullet rifle.

*'''Good evening. From the day we're born, there is a battle we must fight; A struggle between what is kind and peaceful in our natures, and what is cruel and violent. That choice is our birthright as human beings in the real gift that differentiates us from the animals. It is as natural to us as the air we breathe, all of us take it for granted. But now for some us, that choice has been taken away. A secret societ exists, and is living among all of us; They're neither people nor animals but something in between. Monstrous mutations whose violent natures must be satisfied. I know what you've been thinking, because I've been where you are, and it's possibly frantic... But I have proof and... Tonight I'm... going to show you something... to make you believe...!'''
**Who: Karen White
**Note: Gives this speech at her television station having been turned into a lycanthrope by her husband-turned-werewolf's bite. She transforms into a werewolf and Chris mercy kills her with a silver bullet. Only a couple of persons watching the broadcast believe while some want to dismiss it as special effects.

===''[[Hudson Hawk]]'' (1991)===
*'''Maybe it was a dud...'''
**Who: Snickers
**Note: After being tripped by Hawk and dropping the remote suction bomb launcher it misfires and attaches itself to his head, while he struggles to remove it, the counter goes down to zero, then pauses for a moment prompting him to say this line, then it detonates.

*'''This is what I get for darting a nun?'''
**Who: Almond Joy
**Note: While Snickers struggles to remove a bomb from his head, Almond Joy moves in to shoot Hawk and Tommy with more paralytic darts. However they pull her in close and blow through the opposite end of the blow-gun sending the darts into the back of her throat. She lays paralyzed and mumbles this line while watching Snickers struggle to remove the bomb from his head, which fails to do.

*'''I always liked you.'''
**Who: Kit Kat
**Note: The Mayflowers shoot Kit Kat in the stomach with a double cross-bow, he falls to the floor, his speech cards spilling everywhere, with his last bit of strength he hands a card to Anna which has this phrase written on it. He then unties one of her arm binds before sub-coming to his injuries.

*'''Hey coach...it looks bad, I think those Mayflowers set us up...'''
**Who: Butterfingers
**Note: After being shoot in the chest with the double crossbow, he frowns, exits the room casually, and reports this line to his team leader before falling forward onto his chest sending the arrow heads out his back.

*'''MY PENSION!!!!!!!!'''
**Who: George Kaplan ([[w: James Coburn|James Coburn]])
**Note: During a fight with Hudson Hawk he accidentally launches himself over a castle parapet onto a falling car that explodes on impact, killing him.

*'''EUREKA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''
**Who: Minerva Mayflower
**Notes: After da Vinci's gold machine is seemingly successful thanks to Hudson Hawk, Minerva gloats this, but fails to notice Hudson left out a piece, malfunctioning the machine, and encasing Minerva in gold.

==I==
===''[[I Am Legend]]'' (2007)===
*'''Stay until dawn.'''
**Who: Robert Neville ([[w: Will Smith|Will Smith]])
**Note: Anna, Ethan, and him are cornered by the &quot;Infected&quot; in his underground lab so he decides to save Anna and Ethan and sacrifice himself. Hiding Anna and Ethan in a coal chute, he blows himself up along with the Infected.

===''[[w:I Remember Mama (film)|I Remember Mama]]'' (1948)===
*'''Skol!'''
**Who : Uncle Chris Halverson
**Note: Uncle Chris, on his death bed, takes a drink with his niece and wife, giving a traditional Norwegian toast. Shortly after taking the drink, he smiles and peacefully dies.

===''[[I, Robot (film)|I, Robot]]'' (2004)===
*'''You're making a mistake. My logic is undeniable...My logic is undeniable...My logic is undeniiiaaablll-'''
**Who: VIKI
**Note: Spoken as nanites are destroying its (computer) body. Character had believed that its plan would fulfill the &quot;three laws of robotics&quot;, by preventing humans from harming one another.

===''[[In Bruges]]'' (2008)===
*'''I'm going to die now...I think...'''
**Who: Ken
**Note: Said after warning Ray of Harry's arrival, after leaping from a tower.

*'''You have to stick to your principles.'''
**Who: Harry
**Note: Said before shooting himself in the head, thinking he's killed a child. Was trying to kill Ray for doing the same thing.

===''[[Independence Day (1996 film)|Independence Day]]'' (1996)===
*'''Pull up! Pull up!'''
**Who: Unnamed pilot
**Note: line said when a plane with a couple people flew into the flames of a spaceship.

*'''It looks like there's some kind of activity here. This may be some type of response, Echo One.'''
**Who: Welcome Wagon Pilot

*'''We see it too, can't identify it.'''
**Who: Echo One Pilot

*'''It's so pretty...'''
**Who: Tiffany
**Note: Line is spoken as she witnesses an alien destroyer prepping its laser weapon over Los Angeles' Library Tower. She is killed as the weapon fires, destroying the tower and the city.

*'''Oh, crap...'''
**Who: Marty Gilbert
**Note: Line is spoken as he is attempting to flee New York City as a beam deployed by the aliens causes a firestorm that ravages the city. Caught in traffic, he looks up from his car to see an enormous fireball heading straight for him, and utters the line instead of trying to get out of the car.

* [Captain Steven Hiller: Knight Three, pull up!] '''Complete failure in the stators!''' [Captain Steven Hiller: Pull UP!]
**Who: Black Knight Three
**Note: He says this line after being ordered to pull up his plane during the first aerial battle, but finds himself unable to do so. Despite being ordered a second time, he crashes into the alien ship's force field.

*[Captain Steven Hiller: Blow through, blow through.] '''There's too many of them!'''
**Who: Black Knight Seven
**Note: He says this line after being ordered to shoot at the Attacker ships. He crashes into one of them afterwards.

*[Captain Steven Hiller: Put your mask back on! That's an order, Marine!] '''I can't breathe!''' [Captain Steven Hiller: Jimmy? JIMMY! ''[Explosion]'' NOOOOOOOOO!!!!]
**Who: Captain Jimmy Wilder
**Note: He says this line after taking his mask off and being ordered to put it back on again, while trying to bank and avoid the alien ships. His plane is shot afterwards.

*'''Friendly? Sergeant?!''' [Sergeant: I don't think so.]
*''[deleted scene]'' '''It's going after the files!! CUT THE HARDLINES!!!''' [Sergeant: I need a key! It's locked!]
**Who: Colonel Watson
**Note: Colonel Watson reporting incoming fighters. Watson looking the monitors of the friendlies, he questions to sergeant. And Sarge says they not. And Watson looks outside, and sees the alien spaceship attacking El Toro after failed the counter-attack. When the deleted scenes, Watson looking at the computer hacking the screen files. He tells the Sarge to cut the hardlines. The sergeant needs the key because its locked. Watson swings the hardlines. Watson kills off-screen.
*'''Release....me!''' [Major Mitchell: Open the door! Get him out of there!] [General Grey: No, wait!] '''Release me. Now! NOOOOW!!!''' [President: I know there is much we can learn from each other, if we can negotiate a truce. We can find a way to coexist. Can there be a peace between us?] '''Peace? No peace...''' [President: What is it you want us to do?] Die....die!
**Who: Alien/Doctor
**Note: Shortly after saying this line, alien is shot by the President's men.

*'''Liar.'''
**Who: First Lady Marilyn Whitmore
**Note: She says this to her husband several times throughout the film.  As she dies, having been severely injured for about 24 hours, it's in response to &quot;The doctors think that you're going to be just fine.&quot;

*[President: Bandits on our tail. They're locked on.] '''I see them, I see them.'''
**Who: Unknown Pilot
**Note: He says this line after being told that some of the Attackers are on the tails of his planes during the final battle. However, his plane explodes before he can do anything about it.

*[President: That is a negative impact. That is an NI, Negative Impact. I'm out of missiles. Eagle Two?] '''I'm on it!'''
**Who: Eagle Two
**Note: He says this line after being requested to fire a missile at the Destroyer's weapon. However, his plane explodes before he can take aim.

*'''HELLO, BOYS! I'M BAAAAACCCCK!!!'''
**Who: Russell Casse
**Note: Line is spoken as the character flies his fighter plane into the core of an alien ship as it is about to fire its main weapon, sacrificing himself and destroying the alien ship. He claimed on several occasions that he had been abducted by aliens.

===''[[Independence Day: Resurgence]]'' (2016)===
*'''Evacuate!'''
*Who: Jiang Lao
**Note: Character told the staff to evacuate before the alien ship fires on the moon base, killing him and several others in the process.

*'''Lets go!'''
*Who: Jasmine Dubrow-Hiller
**Note: This was the last thing she said before the hospital building collapsed underneath her, as a result of the shockwave by the mothership landing, sending her falling to her death while trying to save a mother and her child, despite Dylan's efforts to save them.

*'''There will be no peace.'''
*Who: Elizabeth Lanford
**Note: Said after the aliens arrive in the bunker she is being held in, and her aides start shooting at them afterwards with pistols. They are very likely killed afterwards, and General Joshua Adams becomes the new President.

*'''On behalf the people of Earth, happy Fourth of July.'''
*Who: Thomas J. Whitmore
**Note: After infiltrating the Alien Queen's personal ship in a space tug, he says this line to the Alien Queen right before detonating the bomb placed on the space tug, sacrificing himself and destroying the ship.

*'''I've got something I gotta tell you. This!''' ''[points Okun's clothing]'' '''That was supposed to be a sweater.'''
*Who: Dr. Isaacs
**Note: Last words said by Isaacs due to the alien shot him.

===''[[Indiana Jones]]'' series===
{{main|Last words in Indiana Jones media}}

===''[[Inglourious Basterds|Inglourious Basterds]]'' (2009)===
*'''Bravery.'''
**Who: Sgt. Werner Rachtman
**Note: Responding to the Bear Jew's question &quot;You get that for killin' Jews?&quot;, referring to the medals on his jacket. The Bear Jew then beats him to death with his baseball bat because he refuses to give the Basterds information.

*'''Now, about this pickle we find ourselves in...it would appear there's only one thing left for you to do.'''
*'''And what would that be?'''
*'''Stiglitz?'''
*'''Say 'auf wiedersehen' to your Nazi balls.'''
**Who: Lt. Archie Hicox, Major Hellstrom, and Pvt. Hugo Stiglitz.
**Note: Hicox and Stiglitz have guns on Hellstrom, who in turn has a gun on Hicox. Hicox's imperfect German accent as well as his non-German hand gesture have led Hellstrom to realize that he is not a Nazi, but in fact an English member of the resistance, and they are all killed in the ensuing shoot-out.

*'''Just get that fuckin' traitor and get her out of my sight.'''
**Who: Cpl. Wilhelm Wicki
**Note: Wicki has made a deal with Aldo Raine not to kill one another, but he is then shot by Bridget von Hammersmark, who is working for the resistance.

*'''What now, Colonel?'''
**Who: Bridget von Hammersmark
**Note: Colonel Hans Landa has just proved that she is working for the resistance by producing a shoe of hers that she left behind at the scene of the shoot-out. He then proceeds to strangle her.

*[Frederick Zoller: You want me to...lock the door?] '''For the fifty-seventh time, yes.'''
**Who: Shoshanna Dreyfus
**Note: Zoller is pestering Shoshanna in the projection booth at the screening of his film, and gets angry when she rebuffs him. She tells him to shut the door, implying that she is interested in an encounter with him, but when he turns around, she shoots him in the back. Seeming to regret her actions, she leans over him, and he shoots her. (Her last lines in her film, played after her death, are &quot;My name is Shoshanna Dreyfus, and this is the face of Jewish vengeance.&quot;).

*[Sgt. Donny Donowitz: When I kill that guy, you got thirty feet to get to that guard. Can you do it?] '''I have to.'''
**Who: PFC. Omar Ulmer
**Note: The two of them are preparing to kill the men stationed outside Hitler and Goebbels' box in order to get into it to kill them. Posing as waiters, they kill the guards, kick in the door as the theatre catches fire, shoot Goebbels, Hitler and Francesca Mondino to death, and then die in the fiery explosion.

*'''Champagne?'''
**Who: Sgt. Donny Donowitz, aka The Bear Jew
**Note: Posing as a waiter, he offers a drink to the guards outside Hitler's door (in a French accent), then proceeds to kill them with Ulmer's help, and then the two burst into the box and kill Hitler, Goebbels and Francesca Mondino, and then die in the explosion.

*'''Enough! Stop it!'''
**Who: Adolf Hitler
**Note: Shoshanna's message has just interrupted the film, ''Nation's Pride'', and she informs that she, a Jew, is going to kill them all. The theatre catches fire, and Donny and Omar burst in and shoot him to death.

*'''I don't know what's going on. That does not belong in my movie!'''
**Joseph Goebbels
**Note: His film, ''Nation's Pride'', is interrupted by Shoshanna stating that everyone in the theatre is going to die. He is then shot to death by Donny and Omar.

*'''Oui, Shoshanna.'''
**Who: Marcel
**Note: Responding to the film of Shoshanna saying &quot;Marcel, burn it down.&quot; He flicks a lit cigarette into a huge mound of film behind the screen, and the theatre catches on fire, killing everyone inside.

*'''These are the American lines, Colonel sir.'''
**Who: Herrman, Landa's radio operator
**Note: By the terms of Landa's deal, he and Herrman will surrender to Lt. Raine and Pvt. Utivich, with the understanding that Landa's assistance in ending the war will grant him a full pardon and honors. Raine casually shoots Herrman, and when Landa protests, Raine says that the deal was only for Landa, and he'll only be &quot;chewed out&quot; for his actions.

===''[[Insomnia (2002 film)|Insomnia]]'' (2002)===
*'''You forgot the wild card, Will.'''
**Who: Walter Finch

*'''Just let me sleep.'''
**Who: Will Dormer

===''[[Into the Woods]]'' (2014)===
*'''The better to hear you with, my dear.'''
**Who: The Wolf
**Note: Said before he is stabbed by the Baker with a knife, howling in pain.

*'''Aren't you going to help us skin that beast?''' [Baker: No thanks.] '''What kind of hunter are you?'''
**Who: Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother
**Note: Said after the Baker saved her and her granddaughter from the Wolf. She says no more lines after this and is later murdered by the Giant's Wife's rampage along with Red Riding Hood's mother.

*'''Bring back my harp! I'll grind your bones!'''
**Who: The Giant
**Note: Said before Jack kills him by cutting down the beanstalk.

*'''You promise?'''
**Who: Jack's Mother
**Note: Said after the Steward shoves her to the ground and hits her head on a log.

*'''Which way was it? 172, 173, 174, 175. 172, 173, 174...'''
**Who: The Baker's Wife
**Note: Said before she accidentally falls off a cliff while fleeing from the Giant's Wife.

*'''All right, mother, when? Lost the beans again. Punish me the way you did then. Give me claws and a hunch. Just away from this bunch and the gloom, and the doom, and the boom. Cruuunch!'''
**Who: The Witch
**Note: Said before she is pulled down into a tar pit after she threw away her remaining magic beans, hoping to reenact her mother's curse of ugliness.

*'''Be better than me, son. Do better.'''
**Who: The Baker's Father
**Note: Said before his spirit vanishes.

'''*Where is the boy?''' [Cinderella: We have him!] '''Where?'''
**Who: The Giant's Wife
**Note: Said before she trips and falls to her death.

===''[[Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978 film)|Invasion of the Body Snatchers]]'' (1978)===

===''Iron Eagle'' (1986)===
*'''Time to die, Iron Eagle.'''
**Who: Col. Akir Nakesh
**Note: Says this during his dogfight with Doug Masters. After an intense battle, Doug bids &quot;So long, asshole.&quot; as he fires a well timed rocket to destroy Nakesh's fighter plane and blow him to smithereens.

===''[[The Iron Giant]]'' (1999)===
* ''[alarmed]'' '''Screw our country, I WANNA LIVE!''' ''[shoves a soldier out of a jeep and starts to drive away, but the Giant blocks the jeep with his hand, preventing him from escaping]'' [General Rogard: Hold him, men. ''[soldiers aim their rifles at Kent]'' Make sure he stays here, like a good soldier.]
**Who: Kent Mansley
**Note: General Rogard and his soldiers aim their rifles at Kent.
*[Hogarth Hughes: ''[in thought]'' You are who you choose to be.] '''Superman.'''
**Who: The Iron Giant (voiced by [[w:Vin Diesel|Vin Diesel]])
**Note: Recalling what Hogarth Hughes told him, the Iron Giant freely chooses to sacrifice itself destroying a submarine-launched nuclear missile, saving hundreds if not thousands of lives near the end of the film.

===The ''Iron Man'' franchise===
:See [[Last words in Marvel Cinematic Universe media]]

===''[[The Island (2005 film)|The Island]]'' (2005)===
*'''Oh...shit!'''
**Who: Tom Lincoln
**Notes: Character, who is attempting to have his clone captured so that his liver can be donated to him, realizes that his clone has put his ID bracelet around his wrist. The mercenaries shoot him dead.

*'''I brought you into this world...and I can take you out!'''
**Who: Doctor Merrick
**Notes: Character says this to Lincoln, one of his clones who has infiltrated the facility. He fights with Lincoln, but is killed.

===''[[The Italian Job (2003 film)|The Italian Job]]'' (2003)===
*'''There's nowhere you can go where we won't find you, Steve. You know that.'''
**Who: John Bridger 
**Notes: Says this to Steve as He, Charlie, and the rest of the gang are betrayed by him with another crew taking the gold as Steve keeps it for himself then he says “I think that’s probably right John.” Then Steve shoots and kills John then leaves Charlie and his gang for dead.

*'''You crazy? I swear to God, I didn’t!'''
**Who: Yevhen
**Notes: After Steve hears that Yehven knows about the heist in Venice, Steve angrily demands to know what Yehven knows about the gold which he replies that he heard about it in Venice. Steve then angrily asks who he told to which Yevhen replies “No one, I swear to God!” and then Steve angrily throws him onto a desk and after hearing that Yevhen told no one, Steve then shoots and kills him then takes all the money and leaves just as his cousin Mashkov arrives outside his shop.

==J==
===''[[w:Jack Frost (1998 film)|Jack Frost]]'' (1998)===
*'''Where did he say that spot was? There it is. Come on, Mac.'''
**Who: Jack Frost
**Notes: After realizing his mistake on his way to a gig, Jack borrows his best friend Mac's car and decides to go home to spend time with his family, but a severe snowstorm begins to block his vision, causing him to lose control and crash the car, killing himself instantly. He is revived as a snowman a year later, via his son Charlie's magic harmonica.

===''[[Jaws (film)|Jaws]]'' (1975)===
*'''It hurts! It hurts! Oh my God! God, help me! GOD, PLEASE, HELP!'''
**Who: Chrissie Watkins
**Note: Character is dragged down and devoured by a great white shark while swimming.

*'''Mom, can I get my raft and go back out in the water?''' [Mrs. Kintner: Lemme see your fingers. Alex Kintner, they are beginning to prune.] '''Just lemme go out a little longer?''' [Just ten more minutes] '''Thanks.'''
**Who: Alex Kintner
**Note: Character is killed by the shark while out on an inflatable raft.

*'''Guys? You guys okay over there?'''
**Who: Boy Scout leader (&quot;Estuary victim&quot;)
**Note: Character speaks to Michael Brody and his friends in an estuary, just before being killed and eaten by the shark.

*'''It's giving way!'''
**Who: Bartholomew Marion Quint
**Note: Character is devoured by the shark while trying to help kill it.

===''[[The Jazz Singer]]'' (1927)===
*'''Mama, we have our son again.'''
**Who: Cantor Rabinowitz
**Notes: Character hears his son Jack (Jakie) sing the Kol Nidre so beautifully in his father's place at his deathbed in the nearby ceremony, and he feels so proud after all these years of division against his son as he says these words to Jack's mother Sara before breathing his last; his ghost is then shown at his side in the synagogue, and Jack's girlfriend Mary Dale sees how Jack has reconciled the division in his soul as &quot;a jazz singer — singing to his God.&quot;

===''[[w:John Carter (film)|John Carter]]'' (2012)===
*'''You have no right to challenge! You are not Thark!'''
**Who: Tal Hajus
**Note: After John Carter killed two white apes in a gladiator arena, Tal Hajus, the new Jeddak of the Tharks, angrily says this line, refusing Carter's order to challenge him because he is a human. The other Tharks start chanting for Carter to be the new Jeddak, and Tal Hajus angrily jumps out of his throne to attack Carter, but Carter jumps up to him and decapitates Tal Hajus in mid-air with his sword.

*'''If you spare me, I'll tell you.'''
**Who: Sab Than
**Note: John Carter has just defeated Sab Than in a duel and is demanding him to tell him about the Therns. However, as soon as Sab Than says this line, Matai Shang, the leader of the Therns, suddenly kills Sab Than by sending in a large, blue, webbed material to cover Sab Than's head, suffocating him to death.

===''[[w:Johnny Mnemonic (film)|Johnny Mnemonic]]'' (1995)===
*'''Shinji...'''
**Who: Takahashi
**Note: Said after Shinji, one of his henchmen, shoots him in the back.

*'''Raise your chin. Let's make this clean.'''
**Who: Shinji
**Note: Last words said, he tries to cut Johnny's head off with his laser wire but is interrupted. Later on, Shinji gets his head sliced off by his own wire.

*'''What spawn of Satan-'''
**Who: Street Preacher
**Note: Last words before getting killed by Jones' sonar power.

*[''Street Preacher: Who is Jones?''] '''He's that guy who fucks your mother!'''
**Who: Spider
**Note: Said after resisting to give Street Preacher any info. Preacher kills him.

*'''Yo. Yo, J-Bone-'''
**Who: Lotek Kid
**Note: Character and J-Bone are spectating Johnny and one of Shinji's henchman in a junkyard from a near building. After saying these words too loud, the henchman fires at the building and the kid gets shot in the head.

*'''Hold it right there.'''
**Who: Cowboy henchman
**Note: Before character he can shoot J-Bone or Johnny, J-Bone quickly throws a knife at his neck.

===''[[Joker (2019 film)|Joker]]'' (2019)===
*'''Happy...'''
**Who: Penny Fleck
**Note: Penny, bedridden after a stroke, calls out to her adopted son, Arthur, with her nickname for him. Arthur responds by smothering her with her pillow.

*'''I just wanna...'''
**Who: Randall
**Note: Randall is asking Arthur whether he spoke to the police about the murders of the Wall Street Three. Arthur, having not forgiven Randall for his earlier betrayal, stabs him with a pair of scissors and bashes his head against a wall

*'''Call the police, Gene. Call the police.'''
**Who: Murray Franklin
**Note: Ordering his show's producer Gene Ufland to call the police right before Arthur Fleck pulls out his gun and shoots him in the head at point-blank range.

*'''No, pal!'''
**Who: Thomas Wayne
**Note: Right before being shot by a mugger, after the latter tells him &quot;You get what you fucking deserve.&quot;, in reference to Arthur's murder of Murray.

===''[[Judge Dredd (film)|Judge Dredd]]'' (1995)===
*'''Let me guess: Life.'''
**Who: Block Warlord
**Notes: While facing arrest for his involvement in the Block War, the Block Warlord questions the punishment for Code 3613: first-degree killing a Street Judge. He then tries to kill Judge Dredd, but is shot dead. Dredd then reminds the dead warlord it's capital punishment.

*'''We've both been deceived, Joseph. I'm so sorry. Rico's killed me and destroyed you. Fi...Find him, Joseph.'''
**Who: Chief Justice Fargo
**Notes: Having been wounded by Mean Machine Angel whilst trying to save his biological son, Judge Joseph Dredd, Fargo implores him to take down his brother, Rico before dying of his wounds.

*'''Now I judge you, Joseph Dredd. To the charge of betraying your own flesh: Guilty. To the charge of being human, WHEN WE COULD HAVE BEEN GODS: Guilty! The sentence is death.'''
**Who: Rico Dredd
**Notes: During his final fight with his brother, Judge Joseph Dredd, Rico condemns his brother to die for betraying him. But, the Lawgiver's lethal rounds exhaust, then regaining the upper hand, Joseph announces &quot;Courts adjourned.&quot; then throws his brother to his death.

===''[[The Jungle Book (2016 film)|The Jungle Book (2016 film)]]'' (2016)===
*'''That's right. You and I no longer have quarrel, and most importantly we have peace.'''
**Who: Akela
**Note: Killed by Shere Khan.

*'''Listen to reason! Gotcha!'''
**Who: King Louie
**Note: Crushed by his falling temple. (Though during the end credits, he reemerges from the rubble alive and well and performs &quot;I Wanna Be Like You&quot;)

*'''Did you think I would let you grow old? Either I'll devour you, or the Red Flower will. It's just a matter of time. How long did you really think you'd survive against me? Longer than your father did? Longer than...Akela?'''
**Who: Shere Khan
**Note: After chasing Mowgli through the jungle burning with fire, he is led by Mowgli into a trap. After Shere Khan says these words, Mowgli claims he's not afraid of him and is done running from him, causing Shere Khan to once more attempt to kill him. But Mowgli jumps out of the way and into a safe spot, causing Shere Khan to bump into a broken tree branch and fall to his death into the burning fire below.

===''Jurassic Park and World'' series===
====''[[Jurassic Park (film)|Jurassic Park]]'' (1993)====
*'''Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord be...'''
**Who: Donald Gennaro
**Note: Said to himself while hiding from a ''T. rex'' in a toilet stand. The ''T. rex'' smashes it apart, finding and devouring him.

*'''No wonder you're extinct! I'm gonna run you over when I come back down.'''
**Who: Dennis Nedry
**Note: Said when encountering a ''Dilphosaurus'' and failing to distract it by throwing a stick. The dinosaur attacks him with its poisonous spit, then kills him in his jeep.

*'''Maintenance shed, the other end of the compound. Three minutes, I can have power back on in the entire park.'''
**Who: John Arnold
**Note: Said when heading out to reactivate the circuit breakers in the maintenance shed. Sadly, he does not make it back as he is eaten by the ''[[W:Velociraptor|Velociraptors]]''.

*'''Clever girl...'''
**Who: Robert Muldoon
**Note: Said when hunting down one ''Velociraptor'' and discovering that another raptor is hunting him. The second raptor kills him.
====''[[The Lost World: Jurassic Park]]'' (1997)====
*'''Don't go into the long grass!'''
**Who: Ajay Sidhu
**Note: Warns this to his fellow hunters while attempting to outrun the tyrannosaurus rex Buck and Doe. Going into the long grass ends up being a mistake as a pack of velociraptors easily track their party through it and kill all who wandered through including Ajay.

====''[[Jurassic Park III]]'' (2001)====
*'''You okay, buddy? Okay, I'm gonna drop myself down now.'''
**Who: Ben Hildebrand
**Note: Said on a video tape when he and Eric Kirby are paragliding. Unfortunately, he did not escape the tree in time and was killed off-screen possibly by dinosaurs. His skeleton is discovered by a freaking out Amanda whom he was dating.

====''[[Jurassic World]]''====
*'''Yeah, what's the problem?'''
**Who: Nick
**Note: Said before the ''Indominus rex'' escapes and devours him.

*'''IT CAN CAMOUFLAGE!'''
**Who: Katashi Hamada
**Note: Said as he attempts to run away from the ''Indominus rex'', only to be trampled to death by her.

*'''Look alive, boys. Look alive!'''
**Who: Simon Masrani
**Note: Said as he is leading a select team of ACU agents via helicopter to hunt down the ''Indominus rex'', before it breaks into an aviary housing countless pterosaurs, setting them loose. The pterosaurs attack the helicopter, sending the craft crashing down through the glass roof, with Masrani dying in the explosion from the crash landing.

*'''Don't just stand there!'''
**Who: Zara Young
**Note: Said before being carried away by an oncoming ''Pteranodon'' and devoured by the ''Mosasaurus''.

*'''Get outta here! Go! They're coming!'''
**Who: InGen Soldier
**Note: Said before he is killed by Delta, one of Owen Grady's ''Velociraptors''.

*'''Easy. Easy, boy. Easy. Hey, hey. We're on the same side, right? Right? Easy. I'm on your side.'''
**Who: Vic Hoskins
**Note: Said before Delta, one of Owen's raptors, bites his arm and mauls him to death.

====''[[Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom]]''====
*'''Did you really think you could get away with it? In my own house.''' ''[Eli Mills: You entrusted me. To guide your fortune into the future. I have done that.]'' '''''Damn you!'' Pick up that phone. I want you to call the police. It'll be easier if the story comes from you.'''
**Who: Benjamin Lockwood
**Note: Said as he confronts his aide Eli Mills about his plan to auction off the captured dinosaurs. Ordered to call the police, Mills instead murders Lockwood by smothering him with a pillow to keep him quiet.

*'''Mills! Mills, where are you? I want my bonus. Holy cow. What are you? I didn't see you on the island. You are a tough guy. Look at that beauty. You're some kind of hot-rod. With pretty teeth. This will make a perfect centrepiece for my necklace. Open up...'''
**Who: Ken Wheatley
**Note: Said while looking for Mills, demanding that he give him the promised money to pay him until he spots the caged ''Indoraptor'', tranquilizes it and vainly tries to extract one of its teeth. However, the ''Indoraptor'' feigns sedation, bites Wheatley's right arm and mauls him to death.

*'''Move! Move!'''
**Who: Gunnar Eversol
**Note: Said while trying to escape in an elevator with three auctioneers and close the doors with a passcode, only for the ''Indoraptor'' to unknowingly disable its controls. With this, the doors open up and the ''Indoraptor'' kills all of them.

*'''So, you're gonna take care of her now? Huh? You have no idea what she is. What do you think drove Hammond and Lockwood apart, huh? Lockwood never had a grandchild. He just wanted his daughter back. And he had the technology. He created another. He made her again.'''
**Who: Eli Mills
**Note: Said while confronting Owen, Claire and Maisie revealing the truth that she was cloned from Benjamin Lockwood's long dead daughter. Later, Mills almost escapes with the ''Indominus rex'' sample and narrowly survives the escaping dinosaur stampede, but the female ''Tyrannosaurus rex'' and a ''Carnotaurus'' stay and eat Mills alive. The ''T. rex'' also crushes the ''Indominus'' sample and any plans on making further dinosaur hybrids.

====''[[Jurassic World Dominion]]'' (2022)====
*'''What's your story?'''
**Who: Dr. Lewis Dodgson
**Note: Said just before being attacked and devoured by three ''Dilophosaurus'', the same dinosaur that killed Dennis Nedry when he tried to steal embryos for Dodgson in the first film.

===''[[Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths]]'' (2010)===
*'''What can I say?''' ''[screams in pain]'' '''Okay! Okay! I'm down to my last joke anyway...but this one'll kill ya!'''
**Who: The Jester (Joker's Parallel Version)
**Note: After being brutally beaten by J'edd J'arkus (Martian Manhunter's Counterpart) and Angelique (Hawlgirl's Evil Version), he says these first words before Angelique stabs him if her flaming sword, then says his last words before detonating a small bomb, exploding the building's whole floor and killing him along with J'arkus and his henchwoman.

*'''It doesn't matter.'''
**Who: Owlman
**Note: Owlman was defeated in battle by Batman, who then transports him along with the QED with Owlman's Teleportation Device from Earth Prime to a lifeless and unpopulated planet, as the QED reaches it's final countdown, Owlman chooses not to save himself, saying these words before the QED destroys the entire planet and kills him.

*'''Did we save the world, then?''' [Batman: We Did] '''And all that rubbish about me being faster than Flash? You knew this was gonna happen.''' ''[briefly pauses and smiles]'' '''Good one, mate.'''
**Who: Johnny Quick (The Flash's Parallel Version)
**Note: Johnny managed to help Batman to stop Owlman's plan, then, he uses his speedforce to eventually match the temporal vibration and open another portal to Earth Prime, he eventually succeds, however the strain of vibrating ages him to near death, he later says these words to Batman (who anticipated this and prevented the Flash from trying to save him) before dying in the Flash's arms.

===''[[Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox]]'' (2011)===
*'''As long as I can siphon off the Speed Force, you can't escape this timeline. I'm afraid there just isn't enough Speed Force to go around.'''
**Who: Professor Zoom
**Note: While mocking the Flash, Zoom says these words before Thomas Wayne/Batman kills him by shotting his head, allowing Barry to use Speed Force to travel back in time. Zoom's fate might have been reverted by the creation of the new timeline.

===''[[Justin and the Knights of Valour]]'' (2013)===
*'''You had your chance, but now it's over, boy. Poetic justice. Your father ruined my life, and now I'll ruin his, by killing you. How sweet. You clung to your grandfather's sword until the end. But now it has to return to me. And I will use it to kill your father.''' ''[Justin grabs the sword with his free hand]'' '''What?'''
**Who : Heraclio

==K==
===''Khartoum'' (1966)===
*'''Well, Khaleel.'''
**Who: General Charles &quot;Chinese&quot; Gordon&quot;
**Notes: Said when his final defensive line to his fort is breached by the Mahdist tribesmen. He meets the attackers with his saber but is run through by a thrown spear. His decapitated head is then displayed to the horrified Mahdi.

*'''TAKE IT AWAY! Where is Adbullah? I forbade it... I forbade it...!'''
**Who: Mahdi Muhammed Ahmed.
**Notes: Said when horrified at his tribesmen displaying his friend Gordon's head. These are his last known words as within months of Gordon's death, the Mahdi dies.
===''Kickboxer'' series===
====''[[w:Kickboxer 2|Kickboxer 2]]'' (1991)====
*'''No fucking way! I don't QUIT!'''
**Who: Brian &quot;The Hammer&quot; Wagner
**Notes: David Sloane's former student who was supposed to fight &quot;Lightning&quot; Lou Lescano but he was replaced by Tong Po, Kurt Sloane's arch-nemesis. In a brutal kickboxing match, Tong Po's Muay thai skills seems to be far greater that David tries to talk Brian out, but he insists on staying the fight. Despite Sloane's efforts to stop the fight, Tong Po kills Brian with a final fatal knee kick.

===[[Kill Bill|''Kill Bill: Volumes 1'' and ''2'']]===
====''[[Kill Bill: Volume 1]]'' (2003)====
*'''Very funny, bitch. VERY FUNNY!'''
**Who: Vernita Green
**Notes: After she, one of the Deadly Viper Assassins, accepts the Bride's request to duel at night with knives, The Bride remarks that Bill said she was one of the best ladies he saw with an edged weapon. As the character says this line, she fires a hidden gun at The Bride, but misses and is killed when The Bride throws a knife into her chest.

*''[Translated from Japanese]'' '''You call that giggling?''' ''[giggles; then turned serious]'' '''You'll have to beg much better than that.'''
**Who: Gogo Yubari
**Notes: The Bride had pleaded with her to run, rather than fight her. After she says this to mock the Bride's attempts, she fights with her, and is killed when The Bride hits her in the head with a chair leg, before driving nails through her skull.

*''[Translated from Japanese]'' '''That really was a Hattori Hanzo sword...'''
**Who: O-Ren Ishii
**Notes: Character had doubted that her enemy and former colleague's sword was actually made by Hattori Hanzo. Just before she says this, she gets &quot;scalped&quot; by the sword.

====''[[Kill Bill: Volume 2]]'' (2004)====
*'''Bill thought she was so damn smart. And I tried to tell him...she was just smart for a blonde. Thanks a bunch.'''
**Who: Budd
**Notes: Speaking about Beatrix to Elle, Budd opens a suitcase full of money that Elle has brought him. Inside the suitcase as well, however, is a [[w: black mamba|black mamba]], which proceeds to bite and kill him.

*'''Elle, you traitorous dog! I give you my word...'''
**Who: Pai Mei
**Notes: Character is dying after being poisoned by his apprentice, Elle Driver, in revenge for snatching out her eye. She had prompted him to do so by calling him a &quot;miserable old fool,&quot; and tells him that &quot;To me, the word of an old fool like you...is worth less than nothing,&quot; before pushing him down with her foot.

*''[screaming]'' '''FUCKING BITCH!!!''' ''[screaming]'' '''FUCKING BITCH!!!''' ''[screaming]'' '''I'LL KILL YOU!!! YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!!!''' ''[screaming]'' '''YOU BITCH!!! YOU BITCH!!!''' ''[moaning and screaming]'' '''I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU BITCH!!!''' ''[hissing and screaming]'' '''OH, I'LL GET YOU!!! I'M GONNA...''' ''[screaming]'' '''WHERE ARE YOU?!?! LEMME FUCKING KILLL YOU!!!''' ''[continues screaming]'' '''WHERE ARE YOU?!?! I'M COMING, YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!''' ''[screaming]'' '''YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!!! YOU'RE DEAD!!!''' ''[continues screaming and crying]'' '''OH...SHIT!!!!!!''' ''[screaming]''
**Who: Elle Driver
**Her left eye got pulled by Beatrix Kiddo, who squished it with her foot a few seconds later. Then she left Elle to die in Budd's trailer, probably bitten to death by the black mamba snake.

*'''How do I look?''' [Beatrix: ''[tenderly smiles]'' You look ready.]
**Who: Bill 
**Notes: Beatrix &quot;The Bride&quot; Kiddo, his former lover and assassin, has used a technique on him that will kill him after he takes five steps. She replies that he looks ready, and he gets up, takes five steps, and dies.

===''[[King Arthur (film)|King Arthur]]'' (2004)===
*'''Arthur...'''
**Who: Cerdic
**Note: Said after he has been defeated by Arthur, who then impales him through the chest.

===''[[King Kong (1976 film)|King Kong]]'' (1976)===
*'''Ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing for anyone to fear! That is an escape proof cage certified by the New York City-''' ''[Kong loosens his crown and wrecks his cage]'' '''Come on down! Easy. His feet are still chained. It's all right. Come on.'''
**Who: Fred Wilson
**Note: Said while trying to assure Kong's cage is escape-proof and assure no harm will come to Dwan. When Kong finally breaks loose, Fred Wilson's boss warns him the disasters will result in a lawsuit. King Kong then crushes the corrupt oil businessman under his giant foot.

===''[[King Kong Lives]]'' (1986)===

===''[[Kingsman: The Secret Service]]''===
*'''Grenade! Sir, get back!'''
**Who: Lee Unwin
**Notes: At the beginning of the film in 1997, Lee Unwin who was on a mission with Harry Hart, spotted their target, Falcon had a grenade in his mouth. Lee dives onto the terrorist and dies in the blast.

*'''1962 Dalmore. It'd be a sin to spill any. Don't you think?'''
**Who: Lancelot
**Notes: A Kingsman agent who tries to rescue Professor James Arnold, he seems to succeed and has a drink of 1962 Dalmore. As he hears a knock at the door, Lancelot is cut in two by Gazelle.

*'''I'm not supposed to say it, but it was-!'''
**Who: Professor James Arnold
**Notes: A climate change professor, he is confronted in his classroom by Harry Hart interrogating him. Before he can give the name of who kidnapped and let him go, Arnold's head is blown apart by an security implant implanted by Valentine.

*'''Just leave this church! You just leave this church like the infidel you are! Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies. You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you!'''
**Who: Church Blonde Woman
**Notes: This woman is an attendee of the hate group, the South Glade Mission Church. When Harry Hart tries to leave, Valentine activates the SIM cards to drive the people into a violent rampage. This woman scolds Harry Hart before he shoots her in the head.

*'''Sounds good to me.'''
**Who: Harry Hart
**Notes: After surviving Valentine's SIM card bloodbath test, Harry Hart hears about Valentine's true goals. After telling the agent his convoluted plan, Harry replies this, and is told &quot;This ain't that kind of movie.&quot; then Valentine executes him.

*'''You dirty little fucking prick...'''
**Who: Arthur/Chester King
**Notes: Having been enticed by Valentine's offer to help save the Earth, Eggsy refuses Arthur's offer to join in Valentine's plan. He fails to notice Eggsy switched the poison cup. As he dies, Arthur curses Eggsy with this.

*'''Perfect.'''
**Who: Richmond Valentine
**Notes: After Eggsy pierces him with one of Gazelle's leg swords, Valentine first thinks he'll say a bad pun to him, but is told &quot;This ain't that kind of movie, bruv.&quot; Valentine then compliments this and dies.

*'''Gazelle...!'''
**Who: Richmond Valentine
**Notes: As Eggsy pierces him with one of Gazelle's prosthetics, he shouts it, then he vomits and then he falls down.

=== ''[[Kingsman: The Golden Circle]]'' ===
*'''Take me home, country roads.'''
* Who: Merlin
* Notes: After Eggsy steps on a landmine, Merlin pushes him off and takes the blast himself to distract the guards. As they come closer, he sings this song and steps off the podium, causing it to blow up killing himself and the guards.

*'''Viva Las Vegan'''
* Who: Poppy Adams
* Notes: After Eggsy injects her with her own serum, she reveals the password and succumbs to her wounds.

*'''Do you wanna know who was innocent? My high school sweetheart. Love of my life. Pregnant with my little boy. He's be about your age now if his mama hadn't got caught in the crossfire when two meth head freaks decided to rob a fucking convenience store. A world without those people in it...sure smells like peace to me. You break the law, you pay the price. Good riddance to all of them. That's why I got to destroy that case. Now slide it over, Agent Galahad.''' ''[Harry Hart/Galahad slides the case to him]'' '''Thank you.'''
* Who: Whiskey/Jack Daniels
* Notes: A Statesman agent with a tragic past over the death of his wife. Whiskey wanted to avenge his wife by letting the drug addicts die from Poppy's poisoned drugs, so he can make a lot of money. Harry Hart seems to surrender the case, then he and Eggsy engage Whiskey in an intense 2-on-1 fight in the cafe. The two Kingsman agents then drop Whiskey into the meat grinder, with Eggsy gloating &quot;Put alpha gel on that, dickhead.&quot;

===''[[Knowing (film)]]'' (2009)===
*[This isn't the end.] '''I know.'''
**Who: John Koestler ([[w:Nicholas Cage|Nicholas Cage]])
**Notes: Character has been following a series of notations within a message on a scripture his son received at a time capsule unearthing. These numbers described every major disaster in world history, with the final set describing a a massive solar flare that engulfs Earth. He is killed in said solar flare, after making this exchange with his father. His son Caleb had escaped from the chaos with a close friend Abby, and a group of angels, and had landed on a new Earth to &quot;start over&quot;.

===''[[Knives Out]]'' (2019)===
*'''You do as I say, and everything will be just fine. I promise.'''
**Who: Harlan Thromby
**Note: Said to Marta Cabera, his nurse, after she realizes she mixed up his medication, apparently giving him an overdose of morphine. Instead of calling for an ambulance, Harlan gives her instructions to create a false alibi, and after he says this line, he commits suicide by slitting his own throat. This is revealed in a flashback.

*'''Copy...stashed. You did this...won't get away with this.'''
*'''Hugh did this.'''
**Who: Fran
**Note: Said to Marta as she attempts to perform CPR to save her, after she is overdosed with morphine. The first line is what she is initially believed to have said; the second line is what she actually said, as revealed in a flashback, which also reveals that Ransom poisoned her; she is the only member of the Thromby family and house staff who calls Ransom by his first name, Hugh. The &quot;copy&quot; she refers to is a copy of Harlan's toxicology report. She is later revealed to have died of the overdose despite Marta's efforts to save her, although Marta initially states that Fran survived to trick Ransom into confessing to both Fran's murder and his attempts to frame Marta for Harlan ''and'' Fran's deaths.

===''[[Kong: Skull Island]]''===
*'''Die, you motherfu-'''
**Who: Preston Packard ([[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]])
**Note: Said by the character who gets killed by Kong by being crushed by his fist, before he can finish his cursing and detonate the explosives.

===''[[Kung Fu Panda]]'' films===
====''[[Kung Fu Panda]]'' (2008)====
*'''Good. My time has come. You must continue your journey without me.''' [Shifu: What-What-What-What are you-? What-? Master! You can't leave me!] '''You must believe.''' [Shifu: Master!]
**Who: Oogway
**Note: Said, as he disappears, to Shifu, who questioned his choosing of Po as the Dragon Warrior.

*'''You...''can't'' defeat me. You-You're just a big...fat...panda!''' [Po: ''[holds Tai Lung's finger]'' I'm not a big fat panda. I'm ''the'' big fat panda. ''[raises his pinky finger]''] ''[shocked gasp]'' '''The Wuxi Finger Hold?!''' [Po: Oh, you ''know'' this hold?] '''You're bluffing. ''You're bluffing!'' Shifu didn't teach you that.''' [Po: Nope. ''[Tai Lung weakly smiles]'' I figured it out. ''[Tai Lung's eyes widen in an &quot;Uh-oh!&quot; stare]'' Ska-doosh!]
**Who: Tai Lung
**Note: Said as Po prepares to use the &quot;Wuxi Finger Hold&quot; on him, which he doubted he was taught. Po tells him that he figured it out himself, and then vanquishes him to the Spirit World in a large explosion.

====''[[Kung Fu Panda 2]]'' (2011)====
*'''That is a warning.  You are no match for our kung fu.''' [Shen: I agree. But ''this'' is.]
**Who: Master Thundering Rhino
**Note: Said before he is blasted by Lord Shen's cannon, killing him instantly.

*''[Po: You should, Shen. You gotta let go of the stuff from past, because it just doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you choose to be ''now''.]'' '''You're right. Then I choose ''this''!'''
**Note: Said before he viciously attacks Po in a final attempt to kill him.  In the process, he severs the ropes holding up his huge cannon, which promptly collapses and crushes him.

====''[[Kung Fu Panda 3]]'' (2016)====
*'''Yes! The power is mine!...Wait...No! It's too much! It's too much! NO!...''NOOOOO!!!'''''
**Who: Kai
**Note: Po channels all his chi into Kai, the power of which he wanted, but Po's chi is so strong that it overwhelms Kai and obliterates him.
====''[[Kung Fu Panda 4]]'' (2024)====

==L==
===''[[The Ladykillers]]'' (1955)===
*'''Where's your sense of humor, One Round?!'''
**Who: Harry Robinson (Peter Sellers)
**Notes: Trying to clam down One Round (Danny Green) before he is beaten to death with a long board.

===''[[The Langoliers (miniseries)|The Langoliers]]'' (1995)===
*'''Later, Dinah'''
**Who: Aunt Vicki
**Notes: Craig Toomey walks by Dinah and Vicki. Dinah remarks to her aunt, &quot;There's something strange inside that man's head&quot; to which Vicki responds with this line. Later, while on the plane, Dinah wakes up to find her aunt has disappeared, due to being awake when they flew through the time rip.

*'''Hey. Get out. Look, a stretcher'''
**Who: Don Gaffney
**Notes: Character, along with Albert, was sent to look for a stretcher to hold the stabbed Dinah Bellman. Don opens the door of a room and sees one. He says this line to Albert. Upon entering the room, however, Don is stabbed in the neck by Craig Toomey, who was hiding behind the door holding up a knife. Don dies instantly.

*'''No, no, Daddy, no! Make them go away! Please, make them go away! I'll be good! I'll be good! I'll be good boy! Please, I promise I'll be good if you just make them go awaaaaaay!'''
**Who: Craig Toomey
**Notes: The langoliers finally reach the group. Toomey, horrified, tries to run. The Langoliers give chase, as the reason they came was apparently partially to get Craig. Craig trips and falls, allowing the Langoliers to catch up to him. As he lies on the ground in fear, he says this line, referring to his father who told him about the creatures. He is then, offscreen, eaten alive by them.

*'''I saw...I saw through Mr. Toomey's eyes. At the start, everything looked weird and nasty, but it was better at the end.''' [Laurel: Please, Dinah, try not to talk anymore, okay?] '''I saw you, Laurel. You're beautiful. Especially your eyes. Everything was beautiful, even the things that were dead. It was so wonderful, just to...you know...see.'''
**Who: Dinah Bellman
**Notes: Character is dying from being stabbed by Craig Toomey. She speaks to Laurel Stevenson. After realizing Dinah is dead, Laurel thinks of what Dinah said, rewording it as &quot;I saw through Mr. Toomey's eyes. Everything was beautiful, even the things that were dead. It was so wonderful just to see,&quot; and saying to herself, &quot;I can live with ''that''.&quot;

*'''Oh, my God! So beautiful!'''
**Who: Nick Hopwell
**Notes: Nick has decided to sacrifice himself so he can turn the air pressure back up before the plane flies through the time rip. As he will be awake when they go through, he will die. Just after he turns up the pressure again, he looks at the colorful time rip and says this line. When they go through, he disappears into thin air, leaving his watch behind.
**Notes: His last words are quite similar to the supposed last words of Thomas Edison, who said, &quot;It is very beautiful over there&quot; several days before he died, in that he may not have been referring to the time rip, but Heaven. Edison had been looking upwards, but may have either been referring to the view from the window or Heaven.

===''[[Lara Croft: Tomb Raider]]'' (2001)===
*'''Not quite what you hoped for, Mr. Powell?''' [Manfred Powell: Oh, Lara. ''[pulls out switchblade]'' I have a gut instinct about this. After all, you ''are'' the daughter of a genius. Let me test my theory.]
**Who: Alex West
**Note: After Powell couldn't get the Triangle of Light to work, West says this line. In response, Powell replies &quot;Oh, Lara. I have a gut instinct about this.&quot; pulls out a switchblade, and says &quot;After all, you ''are'' the daughter of a genius. Let me test my theory.&quot;, and throws the switchblade into Alex West's heart, killing him. But after Lara Croft activates the Triangle of Light, his death is reversed.

*[Manfred Powell: ''[holding gun to Richard Croft's head]'' Surrender.] '''Never.'''
**Who Lord Richard Croft
**Note: Told, in flashback, to surrender. He refuses, and gets shot through the head, and dies instantly.

*'''Lara! Wait! You father begged for his life when we caught him betraying us. He pleaded like a baby.''' ''[holding gun to Richard Croft's head in flashback]'' '''Surrender.''' [Lord Richard Croft: ''[his last word]'' Never.] ''[shoots Lord Richard Croft dead.]'' '''He seemed particularly concerned that I shouldn't...take this.''' ''[Lara starts to walk toward Powell]'' [Alex West: ''[concerned]'' Lara, no! The place is coming down! This is ''insane!''] [Lara Croft: Get them out of here.] [Alex West: ''[reluctantly]'' You just hurry.] ''[Lara walks toward him.]'' ''[chuckles]'' '''There you go. Safe and sound.''' ''[he pulls out his gun, and Lara pulls out her dual pistols.]'' '''No guns.'''
**Who: Manfred Powell
**Note: After Powell pulls out the switchblade, he reveals that he killed Richard Croft, and took Lara's locket, containing a photo of Lara's mother, and goads Lara into a fight. Last line is said while he and Lara Croft have guns trained on each other. They drop their weapons and a fight ensues, ending with Lara karate-chopping Powell in the throat, killing him.

===''[[The Last Boy Scout]]'' (1991)===
*'''You fucking asshole!'''
**Who: Milo
**Note: Said having failed to assassinate Senator Baynard. During the fight at the stadium, Joe Hallenbeck warned him that if he touched him again that he would kill him. The police do the honors and riddle Milo with bullets, sending him falling backwards into the helicopter blades and shredding him to bloodied pieces while Joe dances a jig to calm the tensions.

===''[[The Last Man on Earth (1964 film)|The Last Man on Earth]]'' (1964)===
*'''They were afraid...they were afraid of me...'''
**Who: Robert Morgan ([[w:Vincent Price|Vincent Price]])
**Note: He was slaying humans who he thought were infected from a worldwide plague, and is hunted down and killed by a group of survivors.

===''[[The Last Samurai]]'' (2003)===
*'''Father, let me stay. It is my time.'''
**Who: Nobutada
**Note: Said after being wounded while helping his father, Katsumoto, escape. He then charges their pursuers and is shot to death.

*'''Algren-san!'''
**Who: Silent Samurai/&quot;Bob&quot;
**Note: Said as he sees a soldier prepare to shoot Nathan Algren. He then runs in the way and is shot and killed.

*'''Fire at will!'''
**Who: Colonel Bagley
**Note: Said as Algren and the Samurai charge his position. Algren then hurls his sword at Bagley, impaling him through the chest.

*'''Perfect. They are all...perfect.'''
**Who: Katsumoto 
**Note: Character has committed seppuku with Nathaniel Algren's help after being mortally wounded in battle. He is referring to his lifelong search for a perfect cherry blossom.

===''[[The Last Temptation of Christ (film)|The Last Temptation of Christ]]'' (1988)===
*'''It is...''accomplished''!'''
** Who: [[Jesus Christ|Jesus]]
** Note: The quote ends the film, as Jesus, who had been shown stepping down from the cross during the Crucifixion after an angel (later revealed to be the Devil in disguise) told him it was only a test and he could live out a normal life and raise a family with Mary Magdalene, only to find out years later that by doing so he had betrayed humanity, is returned to the cross after praying to be allowed to do so.

===''[[Layer Cake]]'' (2004)===
*'''If you knew that, you'd be as clever as me.'''
** Who: 'XXXX' - Otherwise unnamed character 
** Notes: The quote occurs moments before the character is shot.

===''[[Lazer Team]]''===
*'''I think I just did.'''
** Who: Adam
** Notes: Deliberately angering the Worg during their fight, Adam is obliterated by the Dark Matter Ray. His last line is in response to Hagan languishing that it was Adam who was supposed to save Earth.

===''[[The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (film)|The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen]]'' (2003)===
*'''May this new century be yours, boy...as the old one was mine.'''
**Who: Allan Quartermain 
**Note: Said to Tom Sawyer after being stabbed in the back by Moriarty. After his funeral a witch doctor commences a ritual to possibly bring him back to life.

===''[[Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III]]'' (1990)===
*'''What are the chances a brainless bitch like you knows how to use that thing?'''
** Who: Alfredo Sawyer
** Notes: After attacking Michelle with a sledge hammer after she has escaped his family, Alfredo begins to mock her when she grabs hold of the shot gun in his truck, believing a &quot;yuppie&quot; like her doesn't know how to use it; Michelle promptly proves him wrong, blasting him in the face.

*'''Son of a bitch.'''
** Who: Mama Sawyer
** Notes: Left bleeding profusely after being shot several times with an automatic rifle, Mama's last words are a barely audible whisper.

*'''Get the meat...we'll have her for breakfast.'''
** Who: Tinker Sawyer
** Notes: Having been shot several times by Benny, losing an ear and two fingers, Tinker is left lying on the ground; he is telling his brother Tex to find, capture and murder the escaped heroine Michelle, Tex asks if they can eat her for breakfast and after answering Tinker dies of his injuries.

*'''Ah, Shit!'''
** who: Edward &quot;Tex&quot; Sawyer
** Notes: Said while fighting Benny with an axe, Benny than dousces him in gassoline and says &quot;toast you fuck&quot;, he than lights him on fire and he burns to death.

===''[[Leaving Las Vegas]]'' (1995)===
*'''Do not come back here. I'll not see you again.'''
**Who: Yuri Betso
**Note: Character ends his relationship with Sera because the gangsters are coming to kill him.

*'''You know you love me.'''
**Who: Ben Sanderson
**Notes: Character commits suicide by drinking himself to death throughout the movie. He dies from alcohol poisoning in the next morning.

===''Legend of Drunken Master'' (1994)===
:''See ''[[#Drunken Master II|Drunken Master II]]'' above.''

===''[[Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole]]'' (2010)===
*'''Go tell the Guardians.'''
**Who: Grimble
**Note: Killed by Nyra.

*'''No, no, no, you promised me! YOU PROMISED ME I WOULD BE KING OF THE TREE!!!'''
**Who: Allomere
**Note: Bats drag him into a cave to be killed.

*'''Soren! My wing's broken! Help me up! Soren, I'm your brother.'''
**Who: Kludd
**Note: Kludd tries to throw him into the fire, but the branch he is holding onto snaps, causing Kludd to fall into the flames. Believing his brother to be dead, an angered Soren, picks up a burning branch to go after Metal Beak to stop him destroying another owl's life, like he did to Kludd.

*[Soren: He's my teacher. My hero.] '''Well, your hero can teach you one last lesson about Pure Ones' strength...''' [Nyra: Don't move.] '''...by letting you watch him die.'''
**Who: Metal Beak/Surtr
**Note: Before he and Nyra could kill Ezylryb, Soren arrives with a flaming branch to defeat Metal Beak to stop him destroying another owl's soul, after battling Kludd. The two owls battled, but Metal Beak was able to overpower the younger owl and leaped at Soren with talons out to kill him. Luckily, Soren was able to grab the branch and stabs Metal Beak through the heart, killing him. Outraged at her husband's death, Nyra gives Soren a angry glar before retreating with the remaining Pure Ones.

===''[[Léon: The Professional]]'' (1994)===
*'''This is...from...Mathilda...'''
**Who: Leon
**Notes: Says as he gives a grenade pin to his murderer, Norman Stansfield.

*'''Shit.'''
**Who: Norman Stansfield
**Notes: Said after opening Leon's vest and seeing grenades - one of them unlocked. He and Leon are killed in the blast.

===''Lethal Weapon'' series===
====''[[Lethal Weapon 2]]''====
*[Roger Murtaugh: ''[shouting]'' '''''DROP IT, ASSHOLE!'''''] [Martin Riggs: ''[weakly]'' Rog.] '''Diplomatic immunity!''' [Roger Murtaugh: ''[slowly rolls his head on his neck, takes aim, and fires, and his bullet goes through Arjen Rudd's wallet, and then his head]'' It's just been revoked.]
**Who: Arjen Rudd
**Notes: The corrupt Minister of Foreign Affairs at the South African consulate in Los Angeles dealing drugs, at the final battle on his Alba Varden ship, shooting Martin Riggs, Roger yells, '''''&quot;DROP IT, ASSHOLE!&quot;''''' Riggs weakly says &quot;Rog.&quot; Arjen boasts his diplomatic immunity to Roger Murtaugh. Murtaugh doesn't buy it and shoots Arjen in the head and gloats &quot;It's just been revoked.&quot;

===''[[Letters from Iwo Jima]]'' (2006)===
*'''See you on the other side. If not in this life, then in the next world.'''
**Who: Lieutenant Oiso

*'''After this is over, you can come visit me.'''
**Who: Japanese POW
**Notes: is executed by one of his captors moments later.

===''[[The Libertine (2004 film)|The Libertine]]'' (2004)===
*'''Speak to me of abduction.'''
**Who: John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester
**Notes: Spoken to his wife as he lays dying of syphilis; she begins to tell him the story of their runaway marriage, but he dies before she finishes.

===''[[w:The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean|The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean]]'' (1972)===
*'''It was wrong to do this to me for the crimes mentioned, but, well, I'd also killed white men and stole their horses. So I figured that that-that's what I was being hung for. My only concern was that that rope be tied properly and the whole thing done right. It was.
**Who: Sam Dodd
**Note: His last thoughts as he is hung for his crimes of murder and horse theft. He is among the first villains laid to rest in Roy Bean's town.

*'''I can whip a full-grown longhorn cow with my hands tied; Make violent love to mountain lions. My trigger fingers are itchy. I'm set to go red hot.'''
**Who: Snake River Rufus Krile
**Note: Said while visiting Bean's saloon in a drunken stupor. He shoots Bean's portrait of Lillie Langtry and as punishment is shot down by the marshals.

*'''Come and get it! I'm ready for you, Beano!'''
**Who: Bad Bob
**Note: Said as the albino outlaw is daring Bean to come out of his saloon for a duel. He fails to notice Bean hiding in the nearby livery who snipes him from behind piercing through the abdomen.

*'''How did she look?''' [Roy Bea: Who?] '''Miss Lillie.'''
**Who: Maria Elena
**Note: Said after giving birth to the child who Roy Bean names Rose. Sadly, Roy only had time to present her a music box playing &quot;Yello Rose of Texas&quot;. Maria dies from the exhausted strength from her childbirth.

*'''Tector Crites, Rose Bean; Come out, or we'll burn you out!'''
**Who: Frank Gass
**Note: Said threatening to evict Rose Bean and Tector Crites from the saloon where Roy and his friends are having one final card game together. Chaos ensues when Roy throws a torch at the mob. Gass flees as his deputies kill Bean's comrades. Desperate to escape, Gass tries to take cover in the burning hotel while Roy follows after on his horseback. Eventually the structure collapses from the fire and both Gass and Roy lose their lives.

*'''For Texas and Miss Lillie!'''
**Who: Judge Roy Bean
**Note: Said as he chases the mayor Frank Gass through the burning hotel in the final shootout. He rides back in to chase down Gass and it is likely that they both die in the flames. He leaves a note for Lillie Langtry in the event of his death while his surviving daughter marries an aviator who is partaking in World War I.

===''[[w:Lifeforce (film)|Lifeforce]]'' (1985)===
*'''CAAAAIIIINE!'''
**Who: Col. Tom Carlsen
**Note: Last words before stabbing himself and the female vampire with an iron sword. He was calling to the detective, Colin Caine, to throw the sword to him.

*'''Be with me.'''
**Who: Space Girl/female vampire
**Note: Last words while making love to Carlsen. She wanted to take him back with her into space.

===''[[Little Caesar (film)|Little Caesar]]'' (1931)===
*'''Mother of Mercy! Is this the end of Rico?'''
**Who: Caesar Enrico Bandello

===''[[Little Shop of Horrors (film)|Little Shop of Horrors]]'' (1986)===
*''[stops laughing]'' '''What did I ever do to you?''' [Seymour: ''[lowering his gun]'' Nothing. It's what you did to her.] '''Her who?''' ''[finally getting it]'' '''Oh, ''her''.'''
**Who: Orin 
**Notes: While inhaling laughing gas, the sadistic dentist's gas-mask gets stuck, and Seymour (the protagonist), who originally had intentions to shoot the dentist, allows him to die of laughing. Just as he is running out of breath, the dentist asks what he ever did to Seymour, to which Seymour replies, &quot;It's not what you did to me, it what you did to her.&quot; At first, Orin is confused as to who Seymour means, but delivers his final words just as he realizes that he is talking about Seymour's secret love and his girlfriend Audrey. He dies after giving these lines.

*'''What the hell...?'''
**Who: Mr. Mushnik
**Note: The character is threatening Seymour after finding out that he was responsible for the death of Orin. He tells Seymour he would like to keep Audrey II, however does not know that the plant eats people. He turns around to see Audrey II's mouth open, and delivers the lines above, before being eaten by the plant.

*'''Oh, shit!'''
**Who: Audrey II
**Note: The character has just been electrocuted while in a battle with Seymour. He delivers the lines above before blowing up.

*'''You'll wash my tender leaves, You'll smell my sweet perfume, You'll water me and care for me, You'll see me bud and bloom. I'm feeling strangely happy now, Contended and serene. Oh, don't you see? Finally I'll be Somewhere that's green.'''
**Who: Audrey

*'''Every household in America! That's what you had planned all along, isn't it?! ''[Audrey II: ''[smugly]'' Noooooooooo shit, Sherlock!]''  We're not talking about one hungry plant here; we're talking about world conquest! ''[Audrey II: And I wanna thank you!]'' You ate the only thing I ever loved! ''[Audrey II laughs at him]'' You're a monster, and so am I! It's gotta end! It's gotta stop right here!'''
**Who: Seymour Krelborn

===''[[w:Little Women (disambiguation)|Little Women]]'' (which year?)===
*'''All my life, I've lived for loving you. Let me go now.'''
**Who: Beth March
**Note: Says it to her sister Jo, whom she is the closest to. The line before states &quot;I'm not afraid to die, Jo. The hardest part is leaving you.&quot;

===''The Living Dead'' series===
:''See ''[[last words in the Living Dead films|''last words in the ''Living Dead'' films'']]''.''

===''[[Logan's Run (film)|Logan's Run]]'' (1976)===
*'''Logan! You Renewed!'''
**Who: Frances 7
**Note: Spoken after being beaten with a flagpole. As he is cradled by Logan, he notices logan's Lifeclock is clear. He utters this line and dies.

===''London Has Fallen'' (2016)===
*'''Important matters of state?'''
**Who: Mrs Bowman

*'''That was daughter number two. She didn't pass her driving test. Guess whose fault it is?'''
**Who: Robert Bowman (Canadian Prime Minister)
**Note: Characters were in their state car as it was being driven through London. In their next scene, a bomb is placed under it by a terrorist, which detonates as they pass through Trafalgar Square, decimating the car.

*'''Thank you.'''
**Who: Agnes Bruckner (German Chancellor)
**Note: While watching the Queen's Guardsmen marching outside Buckingham Palace, she is given a white rose by a young girl, and says this line to her. In her next scene, two of the Guardsmen turn out to be terrorists and open fire on the crowds. Bruckner is among the people killed.

*'''How much longer?'''
**Who: Tsutomu Nakushima (Japanese Prime Minister)

*'''We are almost there, sir. I'm sorry but as expected, there are heavy security measures.'''
**Who: Nakushima's aide
**Note: Characters were in their state car, stuck in a traffic jam on Chelsea Bridge, and say their lines in Japanese with English subtitles. In their next scene, suicide bombers cause the bridge to collapse, with the car among many cars that fall into the Thames.

*'''I can't believe we're doing this, a private tour of Westminster Abbey, just for you.'''
**Who: Antonio Gusto (Italian Prime Minister)

*'''I only turn 30 once.'''
**Who: Mrs. Gusto
**Note: Characters were sharing a romantic moment on one of Westminster Abbey's bell towers, saying their lines in Italian with English subtitles. In their next scene, the same bell tower is destroyed in a bombing, killing them.

*'''Wait 10 minutes?'''
**Who: Mainard's aide

*'''At least.'''
**Who: Jacques Mainard (French President)
**Note: Characters were on a yacht in the River Thames, and say their lines in French with English subtitles. In their next scene, a cargo boat detonates right next to the yacht, causing a massive bomb blast that destroys the yacht, kills the head of state and his aides, as well as heavily damaging Big Ben and the Palace of Westminster.

*'''Fuck! They're not real cops!'''
**Who: Agent Bronson
**Note: Character says this line while he, Agent Banning, Jacobs and President Asher come under fire from terrorists disguised as police outside St Paul's Cathedral. In the next scene, fellow agent Voight arrives in a car. The agents manage to get Asher inside the car, but Bronson is shot from behind.

*'''COME ON!!!'''
**Who: Agent Voight
**Note: While driving Asher, Banning and Jacobs back to Somerset House, the car comes under heavy attack, and Voight is fatally shot, forcing Banning to take over.

*'''Fuck you!'''
**Who: Motorcycle terrorist
**Note: Character says this line while fighting Banning and Jacobs through the window of their car. Banning responds by killing him by ramming him against a bridge pillar.

*'''Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!'''
**Who: Marine One escort pilot #1
**Note: Marine One takes off with two escorts but, in a surprise missile attack, one of the escorts is hit and goes down.

*'''Copy.'''
**Who: Marine One escort pilot #2
**Note: As the missile attack continues, Marine One and its remaining escort runs out of countermeasures, forcing the escort to take the missile to protect Marine One, consequently going down.

*'''Do me a favor...Stay alive...You gotta see your kid...Make those fuckers pay.'''
**Who: Secret Service Director Lynne Jacobs
**Note: After Marine One is hit by another missile, it crash-lands in Hyde Park. Banning and Asher survive, but Jacobs is fatally wounded. She says this line to Banning, to which he agrees, before dying.

*'''We're live now.'''
**Who: Sultan Mansoor

*'''Any last words, Mr. President?'''
**Who: Kamran Barkawi
**Note: Sultan announces that they are now being broadcast to the entire world, and Kamran severely attacks the President. He asks him if he has any last words, to which he begins reciting the Presidential Oath of Office. Kamran is ready to decapitate Asher with a machete, but Banning arrives, incapacitates Sultan and pummels Kamran. Sultan drops a live grenade, but Banning manages to protect Asher, at the expense of allowing Kamran to escape; Sultan is killed in the explosion. In the resulting final battle, Banning and Asher escape while ordering an SAS squad to blow up the building; the blast kills Kamran and the remaining terrorists and decimates the building.

*'''That and 20 million euros. Come with me, Jax.'''
**Who: MI5 Counter-Intelligence Chief John Lancaster
**Notes: Having been found out that he had been aiding Barkawi, Lancaster attempts to bribe Jax, but is shot dead.

*'''You think this war, this war that you started, you think it's over? I'll dedicate my life to your death. This war will not end.'''
**Who: Aamir Barkawi
**Note: Character says this line while on the phone to Vice President Allan Trumbull, who responds by telling him &quot;Maybe you should look out your window.&quot; Within moments, the terrorist leader is killed in a drone strike.

===''[[w:Lone Wolf McQuade|Lone Wolf McQuade]]'' (1983)===
*You know I don't need to. Not with a patsy like you. 'Cause you learn when you place this game that you really place people not; You don't play cards, you play people. Loose lips sink ships. You understand? ''[Snow nods nervously]'' I thought you would, yeah. Uh, so, I just play the cards uh, good and tight.
**Who: Dakota
**Note: One of McQuade's allies in the case against Wilkes. While speechifying about his game of cards as he guards Snow, he is caught by surprise by Wilkes' gang. Wilkes then steps on and snaps his neck.

*DON'T KILL ME, MAN, goddamn it!
**Who: Snow
**Note: One of Wilkes' henchmen. While being guarded by Dakota and Kayo, Dakota is killed then Snow pleads this through his gagged mouth. This sadly falls on deaf ears and he is riddled with machine gun fire.

*Drop your weapons and raise your hands, or we'll commence firing.
**Who: Burnside
**Note: An ATF agent seeking to shut down Wilkes' gun smuggling operations. He orders these to WIlkes' henchmen but it is a trap. A gunfight ensues and Burnside is killed along with Nunez.

*Remember me, greaser?
**Who: Redneck #1
**Note: One of Wilkes' friends. On the final battle in Mexico, he taunts this to Ramos. Ramos responds by shooting him down and replying &quot;Yeah, I never forget an asshole.&quot;

*McQuade!
**Who: Rawley Wilkes
**Note: An illicit arms dealer hijacking weapon shipments to sell to terrorists. After losing his hand-to-hand duel with McQuade, he yells this attempting to fire on McQuade in retaliation, but kills Lola Richardson by mistake. He then silently attempts one final machine gun barrage but McQuade throws one last grenade at his hiding place, killing the villain and his last remaining henchman.

*Jim... I didn't betray you... Rawley killed my husband; He forced me to be his partner... I had no choice, he would have killed me... I love you...
**Who: Lola Richardson
**Note: Wilkes' business partner who loves McQuade. After being mortally shot by Wilkes trying to save McQuade, she bids these to the Texas Ranger she ever truly loved before passing away.

===''[[Looney Tunes: Back in Action]]'' (2003)===
*'''Aw, crud!'''
**Who: Elmer Fudd
**Note: Becomes a pointillism and gets blown by a fan that Bugs is using and start to disperse, until only his shoes are left

*'''THEY DON'T PAY ME ENOUGH.'''
**Who: Wile E. Coyote
**Note: Written on a sign.  Wile E. Coyote is driving the ACME Train of Death when he runs into the explosives blocking the tracks.  When he sees the explosives stuck on the train's cowcatcher, he holds up a sign saying this and the train is blown up and derailed shortly afterwards.

*'''Are you all monkeys yet?''' ''[a laser from Blue Monkey Diamond is headed towards Mr. Chairman]'' '''Uh-oh!'''
**Who: ACME Chairman
**Note: Spoken before a laser beam hits him and turns him into a monkey, and left him unable to talk.

===''The Lord of the Rings''===
:''See ''[[last words in Lord of the Rings media|''last words in ''Lord of the Rings'' media'']]''.''

==M==
===''[[MacGruber (film)|MacGruber]]'' (2010)===
*'''Fuck the brass! Fuck the brass!''' ''[repeats]'' 
**Who: MacGruber's original team.
**Note: As MacGruber's team is getting ready to leave, the commanding officer comes to talk to MacGruber.  MacGruber says he has to talk with the brass, and the team begins to chant this.  While MacGruber is talking wit the officer, he mentions his trunk to be filled with homemade explosives which he himself made.  As he says this, his van explodes, killing his entire team.

===''[[Mad Max]]'' (1979)===
*'''Easy...I know what I'm doing.'''
**Who: Bubba Zannetti

*'''You're mad, man! You think I look silly, don't you? Hah hah hah! Don't bring this on me, man! Don't do this to me! Please, Sweet Jesus, I was sick! Don't bring this on me, man!'''
**Who: Johnny the Boy
**Note: Shouted as Max leaves Johnny to die a fiery death, with the option of escape if he saws through his ankle (in revenge for killing Max's loved ones).

===''[[Mad Max: Fury Road]]'' (2015) ===
*'''WITNESS!!'''
**Who: Warboy
**Falls to his death while trying to catch Max.

*'''What have you done? What have you done?!?!?!'''
**Who: The Ace
**Got shot by Nux when trying to choke Furiosa.

*'''Look Out!'''
**Who: The Splendid Angharad
**Fell off the War Rig

*'''Witness me...'''
**Who: Nux
**Sacrfices Himself to block the passage with the War Rig

===''[[Madhouse (1974 film)|Madhouse (1974)]]''===
*'''Yes...Yes! And I should have played him! Dr. Death is mine! I created the part for myself but the Studio gave it to YOU! You weren't a better actor; You were nothing until you played Dr. Death! He made you into a star! I killed Ellen hoping to get rid of you, but the Studio still wouldn't listen. They said there was only one Dr. Death: Paul Toombes! It should have been me. ME! Then after all these years, I had a second chance and I used it. Quayle wanted to bring you back, and he needed me. He needed me to persuade you; So I drew up a contract. I never thought it would apply. There is a clause in that says if anything happens to you, I take your place. I play Dr. Death AT LAST! I'm not going to be cheated this time, Paul...! He belongs to me. I AM Dr. Death!'''
**Who: Herbert Flay
**Notes: Paul Toombes' best friend who helped in creating the Dr. Death character for his horror films. Angry at being denied the part, Herbert explains these confessing to murdering Ellen and the other girls to try and ruin Toombes' life. He even formed a contract that should anything bad happen to Paul Toombes, he would finally be legalized to play Dr. Death by right. After this, he fights his former friend and just when he has Toombes at his mercy, Flay's wife, a horror actress named  Faye Carstairs-Flay races behind her murderous husband and stabs him with a knife sending him hurtling into her spider-filled coffin. Within minutes, the spiders eat away at the lifeless Herbert.

===''[[The Magnificent Seven]]''===
*'''You came back...to a place like this. Why? A man like you...why?'''
**Who: Calvera
**Notes: The notorious leader of a bandit gang terrorizing a local farming village. When Chris comes back for the final battle, he engages Calvera and mortally wounds him. Dying of his injuries, Calvera asks Chris this and dies without an answer.

===''[[Magnolia (film)|Magnolia]]'' (1999)===
*'''I don't know what I've done.'''
**Who: Jimmy Gator

*'''Phil. Phil, help me. What did I do?'''
**Who: Earl Partridge

===''[[The Man Who Would Be King (film)|The Man Who Would Be King]]'' (1975)===
*[Peachy Carnehan: ''[as a mob threatens their lives]'' Billy Fish, mount the mule and ride! There's a chance you'll make it!] '''Gurkha foot soldier, not cavalry.''' ''[salutes Peachy and Danny]'' '''Rifleman Majendra Bahadur Gurung wishing you many good lucks!''' ''[draws his kukri knife and charges into the mob]'' '''Ayo Gorkhali!''' ''[he is killed by the mob almost immediately]''
**Who: Rifleman Majendra Bahadur Gurung a.k.a. Billy Fish
**Note: His final statement is the second half of the Gurkha war-cry: &quot;Jaya Mahakali, Ayo Gorkhali!&quot; (&quot;Glory to Great Kali, Gurkhas approach!&quot;).

*'''A glorious band, the chosen few / On whom the Spirit came; / Twelve valiant saints, their hope they knew, / And mocked the cross and flame. / They met the tyrant’s brandished steel, / The lion’s gory mane; / They bowed their heads the death to feel...'''
**Who: Daniel &quot;Danny&quot; Dravot
**Notes: Character and Peachy Carnehan are captured by the angry natives in Kafiristan, and the former is forced to cross the rope bridge over the gorge.  As one of the natives cuts one rope, he sings the third verse of &quot;The Son of God Goes Forth to War&quot;, and Peachy joins him; but soon the rope is cut completely, causing the bridge to topple over and Danny to fall to his death.  Distraught, Peachy finishes the verse for him: &quot;Who follows in their train?&quot;

===''[[The Manchurian Candidate (1962 film)|The Manchurian Candidate]]'' (1962)===
*'''Just take it easy.'''
**Who: Eleanor Iselin
**Note: Mrs. Iselin is trying to assure her husband, a vice presidential nominee, that her brainwashed son, Raymond Shaw, will assassinate the presidential nominee at a political convention, making her husband the lead nominee by default. Moments later, Shaw, having been freed from his brainwashing, kills both of the Iselins instead.

*'''Yes, ma'am.'''
**Who: Pvt. Edmund &quot;Ed&quot; Mavole
**Note: Says this when a brainwashed Raymond Shaw attempts to strangle him during a demonstration before the Soviet brass. Mavole protests, but the demonstration's host encourages him to cooperate. Mavole, himself brainwashed into believing the host is the speaker at a women's gardening club, complies and is voluntarily strangled to death.

*'''You couldn't have stopped them, the Army couldn't have stopped them, so I had to. That's why I didn't call. Oh God, Ben.'''
**Who: Raymond Shaw
**Note: Shaw has just killed his mother and stepfather, a vice-presidential nominee, at a political convention. They had planned to use a brainwashed Shaw to assassinate the presidential nominee, essentially granting them the presidency by default. Shaw shoots his parents instead, and commits suicide after being confronted by Ben Marco.

===''Marlowe'' (1969)===
*'''Can you remember the alternatives, Mr. Marlowe?''' ''[Marlowe: You're a paper tiger, Winslow; You can't do anything in your boss's restaurant.]'' ''[Winslow makes a threatening move]'' '''Mr. Marlowe, I have my instructions.''' 
**Who: Winslow Wong
**Note: A martial artist enforcer for Steelgrave. He attempts to buy off Marlowe and confronting him outside the boss' restaurant, again says these to try to convince Marlowe to stand down from his investigation. Marlowe stands pat, but Winslow aims a flying kick at the detective. But Marlowe dodges causing Winslow to fall to his death on the pavement.

===''Marvel Cinematic Universe''===
:See [[Last words in Marvel Cinematic Universe media]]

===''[[Mary Poppins (film)|Mary Poppins]]'' (1964)===
*'''A wooden leg named Smith? A wooden leg named Smith? A wooden leg... ''[gets the joke; laughs]'' 
**Who: Mr. Dawes Sr.
**Note: Character is mulling over a joke that George Banks, his now ex-employee, had just told him. Once he gets the joke, he laughs himself to death.

===''The Masque of the Red Death'' (1964)===
*'''Prince, spare me the Red death. I beg you, in the name of friendship. In the name of friendship!'''
**Who: Scarlatti
**Note: Said when trying to escape infection by the Red Death. Prospoero denies him sanctuary in his castle and says &quot;For you, friend.&quot; then fires one of the guards' crossbows into his throat. Prospero then offers his wife a knife to commit suicide to escape the Red Death.

*'''I have tasted the beauties of terror.'''
**Who: Juliana
**Note: Said when speaking to a voice supposed to be Satan. Prospero's voice calls for her to &quot;Listen; The passing of mine, the beating of a heart, the footstep of an assassin. Destiny.&quot; Then Prospero's falcon claws Juliana to death in the ballroom. Prospero insists not to mourn her for she has &quot;married&quot; Satan.

*'''There is no other God! Satan killed him!''' [Red Death: Each man creates his own God for himself; His own Heaven, his own Hell.] '''Let me see your face!''' ''[unmasks the Red Death seeing a face almost like his own]'' [Red Death: Your Hell, Prince Prospero, and the moment of your death.] '''No...! No...! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!'''
**Who: Prince Prospero
**Note: Said when he realizes the Red Death is not a servant of Satan, but a personified monster spreading the Red Death. Prospero barely manages to outrun the Red Death infectees of his own party. The Red Death follows him to his hiding spot and questions &quot;Why should you be afraid to die? Your soul has been dead for along time.&quot; The personified epidemic then infects Prospero with the Red Death and kills him within seconds.

===''[[Match Point]]'' (2005)===
*'''Didn't you say your name was Harris?'''
**Who: Mrs. Eastby
**Note: Said to Chris Wilton, who sneaks toward her and then shoots her dead.

*'''Okay. Bye.'''
**Who: Nola Rice
**Note: Said to Ian in her last conversation, shortly before she is shot and killed by Chris.

===[[The Matrix (franchise)|''The Matrix'']] franchise===
:''See ''[[last words in Matrix media|''last words in ''Matrix'' media'']]''.''

===''[[Max Payne (film)|Max Payne]]'' (2008)===
*It's unbelievable, all that snow, and watch it end up being a beautiful day. You want my confession first?
**Who: B.B.
**Note: Max, after finding out B.B. is responsible for the death of his wife, chases B.B. to the top of a skyscraper where he confronts him. B.B. says this line and drops his gun. Max then shoots him dead with one bullet. 

===''[[w:Maleficent (film)|Maleficent]]'' (2014)===
*'''She is vanquished? You have done well, my son. You have done what others feared to do. You will be rewarded.'''
**Who: King Henry
**Note: Said before dying from wounds sustained by Maleficent.

*'''That's a lovely gift.'''
*Who: Queen Leila
**Note: Said before she becomes gravely ill and dies as the years go by.

*'''Shoot her!'''
*Who: King Stefan
**Note: Said before he attempts to kill Maleficent, only for the latter to plummet off a tower to his death.

===''[[w:Marked for Death|Marked for Death]]'' (1990)===
*I know you. You love da' killing, but you is an empty shell inside.
**Who: Screwface One
**Note: One of the Screwface twins running operations in Jamaica and Chicago, Illinois. While attempting to ritually kill his enemy John Hatcher, he taunts this to the cop during their fight. He responds by piercing his penis and decapitating him to deliver a final warning to the posse terrorizing Chicago.

*Dead and about to be BURIED! The evil is demolished.
**Who: Charles
**Note: A Jamaican detective investigating Screwface and his posse. They show Screwface's lifeless head to the posse and Charles declares this in the hopes of scaring the posse off lest they be hunted down and killed. However, Charles fails to notice Screwface is gemini, and his twin sneaks up from behind killing Charles in a single sword thrust as he taunts &quot;Judas...!&quot;

*Mamalosa.
**Who: Screwface Two
**Note: One of the Screwface twins running operations in Jamaica and Chicago, Illinois. During the final battle in Chicago, Screwface says this. After a brutal swordfight in the nightclub, John Hatcher forces the villain's eyes into the back of his head, snaps his spine and sends him falling down the elevator shaft impaling him. Hatcher hopes &quot;I hope they weren't triplets.&quot; This leaves the Jamaican Posse to be taken into police custody as the film draws to a close.

===''[[Men in Black]]'' (1997)===
* '''You can have my gun when you take it from my cold dead hands''' [Bug: Your proposal is acceptable.]
**Who: Edgar
**Note: The bug, upon encountering Edgar, orders him to put down his rifle. Edgar responds with the above line, which the Bug responds by eating him, taking his skin for a disguise.

*'''Well, yeah. Don't you want to get rid of em?''' [Edgar: In the worst way.]
**Who: Exterminator
**Note: He was killed by Edgar when he fires the exterminator's own gas gun out into his mouth.

*''[in his alien language]'' '''To the continued reign of the Arquillian Empire.'''
**Who: Rosenberg's aide
*''[in his alien language]'' '''To the safety of the Galaxy.''' ''[to Edgar the Bug who spreads his bugs on lunch meals, in English]'' '''You can kill us both, but you will not find the Galaxy.''' [Edgar: You're right about one thing.]
**Who: Rosenberg.
**Note: Rosenberg and his aide propose a toast in Arquillian, and are then confronted by Edgar the Bug. Rosenberg says his second line in English; he and his aide are killed by Edgar.

*'''War. The galaxy...is on....Orion's....Be..Be...What is word?''' [Agent J: The Bed? Belt? Orion Belt?]
**Who: Gentle Rosenberg
**Note: The alien pilot of Rosenberg tries to tell J to secure the galaxy on his cat, Orion's, collar to prevent a coming Galactic war.

*'''Okay, fine. I'll put my hands...on...on my head. Like this?'''
**Who: Edgar the Bug
**Note: Seemingly cornered, Edgar appears to surrender to the MIB custody, but reveals his true gargantuan roach form to try and kill Agents J and K. After a hard fight, he was completely destroyed by Laurel.

===''[[Men in Black 2]]'' (2002)===

===''[[Men in Black 3]]'' (2012)===
*'''Boris, you promised to take me with you! We had a deal!'''
**Who: Obadiah Price
**Note: Character says this line during Boris' escape from LunarMax; Boris kills him.

*'''You can't win, Boris.'''
*'''There's too many of us.'''
**Who: LunarMax guards
**Note: Character attempts to force Boris to surrender, but he instead shoots a hole in the prison wall, sucking all the guards into space.

*'''On behalf of my pathetic self and worthless children, you stay. Allow me most honorable benefit of serving you favourite noodles, K.'''
**Who: Wu
**Note: Character says this line during a confrontation with K and J over his extraterrestrial food health and safety violations. K later finds him dead with Boris' spikes pinning him to the wall.

*'''You are too late. He is going to give the humans the ArcNet.'''
**Who: Roman the Fabulist
**Note: Character says this line, refusing to tell Boris where Griffin is. He is subsequently killed by Boris.

*'''Look out!'''
**Who: Colonel James D. Edwards Jr.
**Note: Character says this line upon noticing Boris, but is killed almost instantly. Present day Agent J then watches as he realizes the colonel was in fact his long dead father.

*'''THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE!!!'''
*'''Go ahead. Arrest me.'''
**Who: Boris the Animal
**Note: The first line is said by his 2012 self as Agent J punches him, sending him falling down the Apollo 11 launch pad; he survives, but is then incinerated by the blast as the rocket launches. The second line is by his 1969 self when he taunts Agent K to arrest him which was the mistake the present day K made. Instead, Past K says &quot;Not this time&quot; and blasts Boris. Thus dooming the Boglodites to extinction and saving the Earth.

===''[[Meet the Feebles]]'' (1989)===
*'''Did I pass the audition, Mr. Bleeee...?'''
**Who: Guppy
**Note: Earlier on, the guppy auditions to be part of the Feebles, but Bletch was unimpressed with the audition, so he tricks the guppy into getting eaten by him. Later on, while playing golf against Cedric, Bletch vomits up the guppy as a distraction to make sure Cedric loses. The guppy was alive inside Bletch until that point.

*'''Call me sir, slut!'''
**Who: The Masked Masochist
**Note: The Masked Masochist was whipping his co-star, Daisy the Cow, during a filming of one of Trevor's erotic movies. When Robert walks in, he mistakenly believes Daisy was in danger, so he punches the cockroach. Irritated that Robert ruined the filming, Daisy accidentally sits on the wētā, crushing him to death.

*'''I can't see, you bastards!'''
**Who: Chuck the Frog
**Note: During Wynyard's time in Vietnam, he and his fellow soldiers were kidnapped by the Viet Cong and were forced into &quot;re-education&quot;, having to read anti-American messages. Chuck had his helmet over his eyes, and couldn't see anything, so he yells at the Cong, resulting in him being taken away to be tortured for two days. When he returned to Wynyard, he had lost his legs. He later died from his injury.

*'''Wynyard, Don't leave me, please, dear God, no, AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!'''
**Who: Jim the Frog
**Note: While escaping from the Viet Cong with Wynyard, Jim falls into a trap set up by the Cong. He asks Wynyard to help him, but Wynyard panics due to the incoming Cong, so he leaves Jim to be killed by them.

*'''Don't mind if I do, Mr. Bletch.'''
**Who: Dennis the Aardvark
**Note: Dennis walks in on the middle of a drug deal between Bletch and Louie. Bletch offers Dennis what seemed to be cocaine, but as soon as Dennis snorts it, it turns out to be borax, which melts his nose, and kills him.

*'''No, not that, NO, MR. BLETCH, PLEASE!'''
**Who: Louie the Dog
**Note: As punishment for passing off borax as cocaine, Bletch has Trevor and Barry force the remaining bag of borax down his mouth, completely melting the dog.

*'''Oh, ya bastard! You had me buggered!'''
**Who: Cedric the Boar
**Note: During the fight at the wharf to steal the shipment of borax from Mr. Big, Barry stabs Cedric in the chest with the knife Trevor used to kill one of the crab henchmen.

*'''Help!'''
**Who: Barry the Bulldog
**Note: Just as Bletch was about to leave with the shipment of borax, Barry gets attacked by a giant spider, which bites his head off.

*'''Help me!!'''
**Who: F.W. Fly

*'''I think you'll find the safety catch is on.'''
**Who: Samantha the Cat

*'''Wheeere'd it go...? Come oooonnn...!'''
**Who: Wynyard the Frog

*'''YIPPEE! Yippee! I'm in the clear, everybody! I haven't got it! I haven't got myxomatosis! I haven't got myxoma--'''
**Who: Harry the Hare

*'''Now, put that gun down, Heidi! You're not solving anything by massacring people.'''
**Who: Dorothy the Sheep

*'''Bastard!'''
**Who: Sandy the Chicken

*'''It'll be a pleasure, boss.'''
**Who: Trevor the Rat

*'''Oh, shit...'''
**Who: Bletch the Walrus

===''[[Menace II Society]]'' (1993)===
*'''I said I'll suck your dick, man. Come on now.'''
**Who: Basehead
**Note: Said to O Dog out of desperation for money after trying to sell &quot;cheeseburgers&quot; to him. Offended by the above comment,    O Dog then kills him by shooting him.

===''[[w:Meteor (1979 film)|Meteor]]'' (1979)===
*'''It's coming apart in a million pieces!'''
**Who: Astronaut Tom Easton
**Note: An astronaut for NASa studying the Orpheus asteroid. One friday prior to the story, he spots a comet crashing into the asteroid. He says this in astonishment just as a fraction of Orpheus crashes into his space station killing him and his crew.

*'''Can you hear it?!''' ''[Paul Bradley: Yes, we can hear it, get outta there!]'' '''No use! Get the big one, Paul... Get it!'''
**Who: Yamashiro
**Note: A scientist monitoring the Orpheus asteroid from Hong Kong, he warns that a portion of the astroid caused a hundred feet high tsunami which will devastate Hong Kong. Seeing no possible escape route, Yamashiro implores this to his colleague in the hopes of preventing further catastrophe. Then, Yamashiro and everyone in his station drown when the tsunami hits.

*'''My apologies, Bradley. I was very wrong. If there's anything I can do to help, I-''' ''[Dr. Bradley: Thank you.]'' '''I'll be in my office if you need me.'''
**Who: General Adlon
**Note: The general in charge of the underground control center for firing the missiles to try and deflect or blast Orpheus with the Hercules and Peter the great defense platforms. He says these apologetically over his smarmy behaviour earlier. After Hercules' missiles launch to follow Peter the Great's missiles, the last known chunk of Orpheus crashes into New York CIty devastating the city, wrecking the underground center and it also kills the general.

===''[[w:Metropolis (2001 film)|Metropolis]]'' (2001)===
*'''Kenichi...Who am I-I...'''
**Who: Tima
**Note: Tima, a robot, is referring to an earlier scene where the young protagonist, Kenichi, was teaching her to speak. Tima falls from the exploding Ziggurat after saying this line.

*'''Why must humans always resort to violence as a means of settling their differences?'''
**Who: &quot;Pero&quot;
**Note: &quot;Pero&quot;, a robot detective, asks this question to the leader of a human rebellion against Metropolis' wealthy elite. After the leader tries to answer the question, he shoots and destroys Pero.

*'''I won't let pieces of junk-like all of you-take the life of my father.'''
**Who: Rock
**Note: Says this while confronting a mob of revolting robots who are attacking his father, Duke Red. Rock then sets off the Ziggurat's self-destruct mechanism, killing them all.

===''Midnight Sun'' (2018)===
*'''I've waited my whole life to feel this.'''
**Who: Katie Price
**Note: After minimal exposure to the sun causes her to expect death to occur any day due to her Xeroderma Pigmentosum, Katie decides to use her final moments to ride on Charlie's sailboat with him in the sunlight.

===''[[Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie]]'' (1995)===
*'''Can we take another whack at it?''' [Ivan: How about we take another ''quack'' at it?!]
**Who: Tengu Tribesman
**Note: After failing to follow Ivan Ooze's orders to stop the depowered Power Rangers from getting their new powers, the Tengu Tribe return to tell him about this, and he responds by zapping them to oblivion.

*'''Alpha...Keep trying...'''
**Who: Zordon of Eltar
**Note: Zordon had been rendered powerless along with the Power Rangers and is aging rapidly thanks to the destructive actions of Ivan Ooze.  As they regain their powers and return to save Earth from Ivan's grasp, Zordon loses his will to live and says these words to Alpha-5 before breathing his last.  When the Power Rangers return to the damaged Command Center, they find that Zordon had died of old age, but thankfully, they use their combined powers and restore the Command Center, culminating in Zordon's resurrection.

*'''Huh? Oh, no.'''
**Who: Ivan Ooze

===''[[Minority Report (film)|Minority Report]]'' (2002)===
*'''Anderton, wait a sec-!'''
**Who: Leo Crow
**Note: Said to John Anderton as he goes to leave instead of killing him. He grabs Anderton by the arm and tries to spin him around, inadvertently causing Anderton to fire his gun and knock Crow out of a window.

*'''Yes. I have a choice. And I've made it. Forgive me John...forgive me...forgive me, my boy...'''
**Who: Lamarr Burgess
**Note: Character corners John on a balcony after it is revealed that he had killed Ann Lively, and John gives him the choice of killing him and going to prison, or sparing him and eliminating PreCrime's credibility. Despite the fact that the Precogs had predicted that he would kill John (and he says the line they had predicted he would say), John points out the flaws of the system - that now that Burgess is aware of his future, he can change it - whereupon Burgess shoots himself instead and commits suicide.

===''[[Misery (film)]]'' (1990)===
*'''I'm going to kill you, you lying cocksucker!'''
** Who: Annie Wilkes.
**Note: Character is an obsessed fan of the ''Misery'' novel series and held the author, Paul Sheldon, hostage, demanding he write a new novel to undo the heroine's death at the end of the last one. Upon completing the manuscript, Sheldon burns it in front of her, and they get into a violent struggle (during which, she says the above line) resulting in her death.

===''Missing'' (2023)===
*'''See? It's ok. You're just making this harder.'''
**Who: James Walker.
**Note: Character is the father of main character June.  Initially believed to be the loving father of June who died of a brain tumor in 2008, but turns out to be a drug-addicted abuser who endangered June and her mother Grace (formerly Sarah) and was arrested and sentenced to prison for 12 years. Grace had lied about James' brain tumor to protect her daughter June and they relocated from Texas to California and changed their identities to prevent James from finding them.  But James was released and vowed revenge on Grace--first by having his cellmate Kevin pose as a boyfriend for Grace as part of James' plot to kidnap Grace and manipulate June into thinking she abandoned June.  But when things unraveled, James kidnapped June and took her to the former vacation home of the family where he attempts to kill the hostage Grace, but she breaks free and reunites with June.  After they are locked in from outside by James, June tries to get help from her ally in Colombia, Javi, to contact the authorities, but James, due to the security system he had set up, cuts the call short and shoots Grace and pins down June, prompting the aforementioned last words.  Then, a wounded Grace stabs James in the neck with a glass mirror shard. James manages to escapee the room and lock them in again.  He tries to look up a nearby hospital to treat his wound, but he succumbs to it, ending his reign of terror.  June is eventually able to call 911 and Grace survives the ordeal.

===''Mission: Impossible'' series===

====''[[Mission: Impossible (film)|Mission: Impossible]]'' (1996)====
*'''Uh, then I've got a problem.'''
**Who: Jack Harmon
**Note: Character says this line as an elevator starts going up quickly, without stopping, after fellow team member Jim Phelps claims to have lost control over the lift. He is consequently crushed to death.

*'''Jim gave an abort. We should walk away.'''
**Who: Sarah Davies
**Note: Character says this line to fellow agent Ethan Hunt, but Ethan orders her anyway to stay with Alexander Golitzyn, a treacherous American diplomat who has apparently stolen a CIA NOC list from the US Embassy in Prague, and recover the list. However, Ethan later finds her stabbed to death.

*'''Don't, Jim!'''
**Who: Claire Phelps
*'''&quot;Don't, Jim&quot;?!'''
**Note: Jim Phelps
**Note: Claire tries to stop Jim from shooting Ethan. Jim says his line in response, and shoots Claire instead. Jim doesn't say any more lines during the resulting fight against Ethan, which ends with Ethan taunting &quot;RED LIGHT! GREEN LIGHT!&quot; killing Jim - as well as fellow treacherous agent Franz Krieger - with a piece of explosive chewing gum.

====''[[Mission: Impossible II]]'' (2000)====
*'''You're not Dmitri?'''
*'''Well, I've heard...'''
**Who: Dr. Vladimir Nekhovich
**Note: Said when Ethan Hunt tells him to stop calling him Dmitri. Hunt then knocks him out, revealing himself to be Sean Ambrose in disguise, and triggers a plane crash, with Nekhorvich still on board, killing him. The second line is when Nechovich appears to have confronted and interrogated his boss, John McCloy; mid-sentence, he reveals himself to be the real Hunt in disguise, who finishes with &quot;...all I need to hear.&quot;

*'''What's this about? You on time, for once?'''
**Who: Biocyte receptionist
**Note: Said when Hugh Stamp arrives at Biocyte with more of Ambrose's men; Stamp replies &quot;Not exactly, sport.&quot; Another agent promptly shoots the receptionist dead.

*'''Raise your hands very slowly.'''
*'''I'm afraid he's got no choice. I believe I broke his jaw.'''
**Who: Hugh Stamp
**Note: Said while holding Ethan at gunpoint, but Ethan overpowers and gags him, forcibly disguises him as Ethan himself and brings him back to Ambrose, tricking him into executing Stamp. As a result, the second line is what Ethan, disguised as Stamp, said before the shot and the disguise reveal, after Ambrose screams &quot;Stop mumbling!&quot;

*'''Get out there and keep firing!'''
**Who: Wallis
*'''I can't see anything! Slow down, mate, slow down!'''
**Who: Ulrich
**Note: Said while pursuing Ethan in an SUV, as Ethan creates a smokescreen from his motorbike. The car is promptly hit by a lorry, instantly exploding.

*'''HUNT! You should have killed me.'''
**Who: Sean Ambrose
**Note: Said while pulling a gun on Ethan, but Ethan throws a can of Bellerophon to Luther Stickell, then kicks a gun from the sand, which he uses to kill Ambrose.

====''[[Mission: Impossible III]]'' (2006)====
*'''Ethan...thank you. I-'''
**Who: Lindsey Farris
**Note: Ethan Hunt is attempting to extract a time-sensitive detonator from inside Lindsey's head, but it goes off and kills her before he can do so.

*'''Didn't I tell you she'd call out your name? And I told you I was going to kill you in front of her? Well, I'm going to kill her in front of you.'''
**Who: Owen Davian
**Note: Says this while beating up a weakened Ethan, and prepares to kill his wife Julia in front of him, but Ethan quickly uses his last ounce of strength to stop Davian and beat him up, eventually killing him by putting him straight into the direction of a fast-moving truck.

====''[[Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol]]'' (2011)====
*'''Ethan, you were my best man. And I'm sorry it's come to this, after all the sacrifices you made. If we don't meet again, I just want you to know, I've always considered you a friend.'''
**Who: IMF Director
**Note: After giving Ethan a flash drive (the &quot;mission&quot;), an explosion goes off, throwing him off balance, and he is shot in the head by Russian police, killing him.

*'''Kill them.'''
**Who: Sabine Moreau
**Note: Says this line after discovering that the team she had retrieved the nuclear launch codes from was actually Ethan's team at the Burj Khalifa (the world's tallest building). The ensuing fight ends with Jane Carter, a member of the team, sending Moreau falling to her death in revenge for killing Trevor Hanaway, Carter's lover and fellow IMF agent.

*'''Disable the relay.'''
**Who: Kurt Hendricks
**Note: The movie's main villain, giving orders to his henchman, Wistrom to prevent the team from stopping the nuclear missile from going off. Later dies from injuries sustained from falling off a high height in an attempt to prevent Ethan from reaching the football nuclear case.

====''[[Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation]]'' (2015)====
*'''I've heard stories. They can't all be true.'''
**Who:IMF London contact
**Note: Lady at a record shop that has an IMF message, which is actually a message from The Syndicate. The woman is killed by Solomon Lane by being shot in the head as Ethan is gassed in the next booth.

*''[In Austrian German]'' '''If something happened to you...'''
**Who: The Austrian Chancellor's Wife
*''[In Austrian German]'' '''Nothing's going to  happen to me.'''
**Who: The Austrian Chancellor
*''[In Austrian German]'' '''STOP THE CAR!!!'''
**Who: One of the Austrian Chancellor's guards
**Note: Notices too late that there is a bomb in the car, which then goes off, killing him, the Chancellor and his wife.

*''[In Russian]'' '''Now we'll see what you're made of.'''
**Who: Janik Vinter (aka The Bone Doctor)
**Note: Solomon's main henchman. Loses a knife fight with Ilsa.

====''[[Mission: Impossible – Fallout]]'' (2018)====
*'''I don't understand. The attacks didn't happen?'''
**Who: Dr. Nils Delbruuk
**Note: Character says this line after discovering he was tricked into decrypting his personal data, at an hospital-disguised IMF station in Germany. The nuclear attacks he referred to were said to have destroyed Rome, Jerusalem and Mecca (using portable nuclear bombs that he built), as part of the plan to trick him. Luther Stickell, a member of Hunt's team, reveals that the car accident that injured him had taken place ''an hour'' earlier and not two weeks like they initially told him; Benji Dunn, another member, reveals &quot;I was driving the other car.&quot; Hunt then remarks &quot;What's done is done when ''we say'' it's done,&quot; (an extension of Delbruuk's earlier words) and injects something into him, possibly a lethal injection or sedative, but as it's not explained, Delbruuk may not have been killed.

*'''Go. Go.'''
**Who: IMF Secretary Alan Hunley
**Note: Character says this line to Ethan, after being stabbed by August Walker, who was recently discovered to be a traitor in the CIA and &quot;John Lark&quot;, the client who hired the Apostles (formerly the Syndicate), following a battle in the IMF's London safehouse.

*'''Why won't you just die?!'''
**Who: August Walker (aka John Lark)
**Note: Character says this line after discovering Ethan pursuing him again, in a helicopter chase over the mountains of Kashmir, India. The chase ends with both their helicopters crashing on top of a cliff. As Hunt and a disfigured Walker fight on the edge of the cliff, Hunt manages to kill him by causing the winch of his helicopter to pull into his face, causing him to fall down the cliff with the helicopter.

====''[[Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One|Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning]]'' (2023)====
*'''BLOW ALL MAIN BALLAST TANKS! SOUND THE COLLISION ALAR-'''
**Who: ''Sevastopol'' Captain
**Note: Said before a torpedo hits the ''Sevastopol'', killing him and all the crew and sinking the sub.

*'''It's my first time in Venice.''' ''[Ethan: Mine too.]''
**Who: Ilsa Faust
**Note: Said while sharing a romantic moment with Ethan on the roof of the IMF safehouse in Venice. She is later killed by Gabriel; these are her last on-screen words.

*'''The only one.'''
**Who: DNI Denlinger
**Note: Character clarifies to Gabriel that he is the only one who knows where the ''Sevastopol'' is; Gabriel kills him afterwards.

====''[[Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning|Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning]]'' (2025)====
*'''Gabriel, you son of a b***h. No-one is safe from Phineas Phreak.'''
**Who: Luther Stickell
**Note: Said while disarming a nuclear bomb, knowing it will nevertheless blow the explosives and bring down the tunnels around him.

*'''Madam President...'''
**Who: General Sidney, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs
**Note: Dying of a gunshot wound suffered while protecting President Sloane from a doomsday cultist.

*'''Only one of us has a parachute. Good luck.'''
**Who: Gabriel
**Note: Said while smugly attempting to escape the plane Ethan has hijacked from him, but accidentally splits his head open on the plane's rudder.

===''[[Mobile Suit Gundam: Char's Counterattack]]'' (1988)===
*'''Your MOTHER?!'''
**Who: Amuro Rey
**Notes: Char Anzable taunts Amuro Rey as the Nu Gundam attempts to stop Axis from hitting Earth. When Char tells Amuro that he thought of Lalah Sune as a mother, Amuro's anger caused Nu Gundam's Psychoframe to overload and destroy the Gundam, stopping Axis' fall in the process.

===''[[w:Monster Island (film)|Monster Island]]'' (2004)===
*'''Do you have any idea what this is gonna do for us?'''
**Who: Cameraman
**Note: Character asks his assistant for another tape so he could film the swamp monster that had attacked the group. The monster tackles him into the lake and kills him.

*'''C'mon, big momma! Let's go for a ride!'''
**Who: Eight Ball
**Note: He pushes a giant praying mantis over a cliff with a bulldozer but the mantis grabs the bulldozer and pulls Eight Ball down with it.

*'''HEEELP MEEE!!!'''
**Who: Lil' Mindi
**Note: Character runs into a web and is killed by a giant spider.

*'''Here's your cough syrup and smokes, ma!'''
**Who: Dr. Harry Hausen
**Note: Character blows himself up along with the queen ant and her hive. His line refers to his childhood, having to live with his overbearing mother.

===''[[Monsters vs. Aliens]]'' (2009)===
*'''Clearly, you are defective beyond repair. Guards, take this defective clone to the incinerator! Well, what are you waiting for? You and you!''' [Dr. Cockroach: Seriously?] '''Yes! Take the prisoner and defective clone to the incinerator!''' [Dr. Cockroach: Of course, sir.] '''And here's a security pass, just in case. Would you like a gun?'''
**Who: Gallaxhar Clone
**Note: Gets blasted by the gun that B.O.B shoots.

*[B.O.B: Excuse me, could you direct use to the main power core?] '''Gladly, it's right there above the extraction chamber.'''
**Who: Gallaxhar Clone #2
**Note: Before B.O.B could kill him with the gun, Dr. Cockroach grabs the gun from B.O.B and accidentally kills the Gallaxhar Clone.

*'''MONSTERS!'''
**Who: Several Gallaxhar clones
**Note: Some of the clones are defeated in a battle afterwards, while the rest later perish in the ship's self-destruct sequence.

*'''Come on! COME ON!''' ''[whimpers]''
**Who: Gallaxhar
**Notes: Said while trying to stop or delay his ship's self-destruct sequence. But in the last two seconds, he cowers in fear and resigns himself moments before he dies in the explosion.

*'''Hmm, nothing happened. Maybe my calcul-''' ''[ship explodes]''
**Who: Gallaxhar's computer
**Note: Said it as the self-destruct sequence was taking time to complete, until it explodes.

===''[[Monty Python]]'' media===
====''[[And Now For Something Completely Different]]'' (1971)====
*'''It's Harrison, sir.'''
**Who: Mr Harrison ([[w:Graham Chapman|Graham Chapman]])
**Source: ''And Now For Something Completely Different'' (&quot;Self-Defense Against Fruit&quot; sketch)
**Note: After the instructor explains to the class how to defend yourself against anybody armed with a simple banana (force the person to drop it, then you eat it), he picks upon Mr. Harrison to demonstrate. He has the young man charge at him with the banana, before shooting the lad dead with a shotgun. Then, he eats the banana.

====''[[Monty Python and the Holy Grail]]'' (1975)====
*'''Oh, I see! Running away, eh?! You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to ya! I'll bite your legs off!'''
**Who: The Black Knight ([[John Cleese]])
**Note: Fought against Arthur, who ended up being victorious in the fight after hacking off all of the Black Knight's limbs. He screams at them as they head off. Although his true fate is unknown, these are his last words in the movie.

*'''Right. Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew coming right up!'''
**Who: Sir Bors ([[Terry Gilliam]])
**Note: Says this in response to Arthur telling him, &quot;Go on, Bors, chop his head off.&quot;. As Sir Bors advances forward to kill a rabbit, the rabbit suddenly leaps up on to Sir Bors and bites his head off.

*'''It's the Legendary Black Beast of-ARGH!!!!!'''
**Who: Brother Maynard
**Note:Says this when a Terry Gilliam-animated monster appears and eats Maynard himself.

*'''I don't know that!'''
**Who: Sir Robin ([[Eric Idle]])
**Note: Was asked the question &quot;What is the capital of Assyria?&quot; by the keeper of the Bridge of Death, but could not answer, and was ejected into the pit to his doom. {For those not in the know, the answer would be Ninevah}

*'''Blue! No, yell-''' ''[screams]''
**Who: Sir Galahad ([[Michael Palin]])
**Note: Was asked the question &quot;What is your favourite color?&quot; by the keeper of the Bridge of Death, but could not make up his mind, and was ejected into the pit, causing him to fall to his doom.

*'''What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?''' [King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?] '''Uh...I-I don't know that.'''
**Who: The Bridgekeeper ([[Terry Gilliam]])
**Note: Asked King Arthur the question above but could not answer when King Arthur asked which type of swallow, and was ejected into the pit. (For those who don't know, the answer would be 24 miles per hour or 11 meters per seconds)

====''[[Monty Python's Life of Brian]]'' (1979)====
*'''STOP IT!! STOP IT!!! Now look! No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle, understand? Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do say &quot;Jehovah.&quot;'''
**Rabbi
**Note: A huge crowd gathered for a public stoning of a man who was condemned for the crime of blasphemy. This blasphemy, was simply saying the word, &quot;Jehovah,&quot; which is one of the names of God.  After a bunch of people o out of hand throwing stones at whoever says Jehovah, the Rabbi in charge of the execution, gets furious and says this.  After he says Jehovah, he is bombarded with hundreds of stones, and crushed by a boulder carried by three people.

*'''We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack!''' ''[they stab themselves]'' '''That showed 'em, huh?'''
**Who: Judean People's Front suicide squad leader ([[Michael Palin]])

====''[[Monty Python's The Meaning of Life]]'' (1983)====
*'''All right. Just one.'''
**Who: [[w:Mr Creosote|Mr Creosote]]
**Note: Finally, after being convinced by the Maître d' to eat a single &quot;wafer-thin mint&quot;, his stomach begins to rapidly expand until it explodes: covering the restaurant and diners with viscera and partially digested food—even starting a &quot;vomit-wave&quot; among the other diners, who leave in disgust.

===''Mortal Engines'' (2018)===
*'''Well, it's quite simple, really. There is a bounty on your head, Ms. Fang. So either you give me 50,000 quirks for the girlie, or I take them from the authorities when I hand you in.'''
**Who: Rustwater auctioneer
**Note: While attempting to sell Hester Shaw and Tom Natsworthy as slaves, the auctioneer confronts Fang when she makes a bid. He reminds her of her fugitive status, and attempts to blackmail her, but she pulls a gun on him, sparking a fight during which she kills him.

*'''This belongs to you. I release you...from your promise.'''
**Who: Shrike
**Note: Character had said this line after being wounded during a chase with Hester and Tom. Hester had promised to let Shrike turn her into a Resurrected Warrior, just like him, but discovering her newly developed relationship with Tom, he decides to free her from the promise, and gives her a necklace that belonged to her mother, Pandora, as he dies again.

*'''And what does that make you?'''
**Who: Magnus Crome, Lord Mayor of London
**Note: Character confronts Thaddeus Valentine about his intentions after discovering that he has reassembled MEDUSA, an ancient, quantum energy-based superweapon, and says this line when Valentine calls him a dinosaur for his intentions to keep things as they currently are. The confrontation ends with Valentine remarking &quot;Me? I am the meteor&quot; and shooting Crome dead.

*'''''Now'' it's over.'''
**Who: Anna Fang
**Note: While in a fight with Valentine in the mobile Predator City of London, the resistance leader is wounded and left hanging for her life. Valentine attempts to force her to accept defeat, but Hester manages to permanently disable MEDUSA, whereupon Fang remarks her line and falls to her death.

*'''This is what you want?! You want to die?!'''
**Who: Thaddeus Valentine
**Note: Character says this line in a duel with Hester, who was determined to kill him to avenge Pandora, despite having just discovered Valentine to be her father. The duel ends with Hester escaping onto an airship piloted by Tom, having realised that killing him will get her killed as well. Valentine escapes onto another one, but is shot down by Tom, and the airship is then crushed with Valentine inside by London's slowing tracks.

===''Mortal Kombat'' media===
:''See ''[[last words in Mortal Kombat media|''last words in ''Mortal Kombat'' media'']]''.''

===''[[Moulin Rouge!]]'' (2001)===
*'''Tell our story, Christian. Promise me. Yes. That way I'll...I'll always be with you.'''
**Who: Satine ([[Nicole Kidman]])
**Note: Said before dying of [[w:Tuberculosis|Tuberculosis]].

===''[[Mystery Men]]'' (1999)===
*'''Uh-oh! Wrong switch.'''
**Who: Captain Amazing ([[w:Greg Kinnear|Greg Kinnear]])
**Note: Said after Blue Raja flips the wrong switch, killing Captain Amazing who's strapped to Casanova's weapon.

===''[[Mystic River (film)|Mystic River]]'' (2003)===
*'''I wasn't ready.'''
**Who: Dave Boyle
**Notes: Spoken after Jimmy Markum, his former friend, has stabbed him in the stomach because he, Jimmy, erroneously believes Dave murdered his 19-year-old daughter, Katie. Jimmy said he would let Dave live if he confessed, but proceeds to kill him anyway when he does.

==N==

===''[[National Treasure: Book of Secrets]]'' (2007)===
*'''The debt that all men pay...'''
**Who: Thomas Gates (Benjamin Gates' great-great-grandfather)
**Notes: Character has been shot by a member of the conspiracy to assassinate President Lincoln, after helping them to decode the message. His words are a reference to &quot;death&quot;, a clue to decipher the message he decoded just before being killed.

*'''Tell them I found it!'''
**Who: Mitch Wilkinson
**Notes: Wilkinson had blackmailed Ben Gates and his family into helping him find Cibola, a legendary Native American city of pure gold. In order to escape, one member of the party was forced to work a mechanism that flooded a chamber with water. Wilkinson stayed, told Gates to tell the world that he had found the treasure, and drowned.

===''[[Need for Speed (film)|Need for Speed]]'' (2014)===
*'''This is my vision. This is how I saw you winning the De Leon. You beat Dino, take his car and win.'''
*'''You got it, man!'''
**Who: Pete Coleman
**Notes: Character says the first line to his best friend, Tobey Marshall, when they discover three Koenigsegg Agera Rs owned their business partner, Dino Brewster, before the three of them race each other with the cars. During the race, Pete says the second line after Tobey thanks him for helping him get past Dino. On the home stretch, Pete continues blocking Dino, until Dino intentionally bumps Pete's car, causing it to crash off a bridge and burst into flame, with Tobey unable to save him.

===''[[New Jack City]]''===
*[Reporter: Mr. Brown, are you pleased with the outcome?] '''Absolutely. The American justice system is the greatest in the world. I'm proud to be an American. Hi, Mom.'''
**Who: Nino Brown
**Note: Brown, a drug lord, was given a reduced sentence disproportionate to his brutal crimes. As he talks to reporters after the trial, an old man whose life he had ruined earlier fatally shoots him, causing him to fall off a courthouse balcony.

===''[[Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian]]'' (2009)===
*'''What are you?!?!''' (Larry Daley: I'm the night guard!)
**Who: Kahmurah ([[w:Hank Azaria|Hank Azaria]])
**Note: The half-brother of Ahkmenrah, who desired to use the power of his brother's tablet to revive his undead army to rule the world. Threatening to kill Lerry Daley and his friends, he managed to obtain the combination to open a gate to the Underworld (the combination is the formula for pi). After Abraham Lincoln appears and shoos away the army of Kahmunrah back into the Underworld, a fierce battle begins and Kahmunrah and Larry engage in sword combat (with Larry using a flashlight to fight back). As Amelia Earhart opens the gate to the Underworld as Larry forces Kahmunrah close to the gate, the pharaoh shouts this quote to Larry, who responds &quot;The night guard&quot;, and forces Kahmunrah into the gate. The evil king crumbles into dust as he is caught in the vortex and dies.

===The ''[[A Nightmare on Elm Street (franchise)|A Nightmare on Elm Street]]'' franchise===
====''[[w:A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984 film)|A Nightmare on Elm Street]]''====
*'''ROD! ROOOOOD!'''
**Who: Tina Gray
**Notes: After Freddy slashes open Tina's chest, he drags her bloodied body up onto the room's ceiling to continue the assault on her. Tina calls out to her boyfriend, Rod, one last time, before dying from her wounds.

*'''Help! Help! Help, mom, help!'''
**Who: Glen Lantz
**Notes: Said as he's being dragged into his bed by Freddy. His mother then enters to see his bloody, liquefied remains erupting from the bed like a geyser.

====''[[w:A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge|A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge]]''====
*'''No! No! NOOOO!'''
**Who: Coach Schneider
**Notes: Having been tied up naked in the shower room, Schneider calls this out when he sees Freddy approaching out of the clouds of steam, before Freddy slashes him to death.

*'''Mom! Dad! Open the door!'''
**Who: Ron Grady
**Notes: After witnessing Jesse slowly and painfully transform into Freddy, Grady tries to escape his bedroom, but finds the door locked. Before his parents can help him, Freddy stabs him to death.

*'''Okay, j-just calm down, right? Relax. Yeah. It's gonna be alright. No-one's gonna hurt you. Just tell us what you want, alright? I'm here to help you.'''
**Who: Party-goer
**Notes: With Freddy having already killed several other people at the party, one of them unsuccessfully tries to talk him down. Freddy replies &quot;Help yourself, FUCKER!&quot;, slashes him across his torso, and then throws him into a barbecue.

====''[[Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare]]'' (1991)====
*'''Kids.'''
**Who: Freddy Krueger
**Notes: Said after his daughter, Maggie, shoves a pipe bomb into him. The bomb then explodes, killing Krueger and dispelling the Dream Demons that were keeping him alive.

===''[[w:Ninth Gate|The Ninth Gate]]'' (1999)===
*'''It's miraculous! I feel nothing! Nothing at all!'''
**Who: Boris Balkan
**Note: Balkan believed he could enter through the Ninth Gate by performing a ritual, so he ends up lighting himself on fire. Balkan realizes what he had just done and tries to put himself out. Dean Corso ([[w: Johnny Depp|Johnny Depp]]) shoots him.

*'''You're insane, Boris. Give it back to me!'''
**Who: Liana Telfer
**Note: Boris interrupts her Satanist meeting to get the book back. Liana wrestles with Boris to try to get the book, but Boris gets the upper hand and strangles Liana with her own Satanist necklace.

===''[[No Country for Old Men (film)|No Country for Old Men]]'' (2007)===
*'''Yes, sir. I've got it under control.'''
**Who: Lamarr's deputy
**Note: The deputy is speaking to Sheriff Lamarr regarding the recently arrested Anton Chigurh. Chigurh then brutally strangles the deputy with the handcuffs restraining him.

*'''You can have the money, Anton.'''
**Who: Carson Wells
**Note: Wells says this to Anton Chigurh, who fatally shoots him after their conversation is interrupted by a phone call from Llewelyn Moss.

*'''No, ma'am. I know what beer leads to.'''
**Who: Llewelyn Moss
**Note: Moss says this while talking to a woman at his hotel. He is shot and killed, offscreen, by a group of Mexican mercenaries, shortly afterward.

===''[[w:No Mercy (film)|No Mercy]]'' (1986)===
*[Losado: It's over.] '''What's over?''' [Losado: Life, my friend.]
**Who: Joe Collins

*'''YOU'LL DIE, MY FRIEND!!! YOU'LL BURN!!! Oh yes, you'll burn, my friend.'''
**Who: Losado

===''[[w:Nope (film)|Nope]]'' (2022)===
*'''Bear with us now! Trained animals can be unpredictable! Heh!'''
**Who: Amber Park
**Note: Amber says this to the Star Lasso Experience audience as Jean Jacket arrives earlier than expected. She, along with her her husband, children and everybody at the Star Lasso Experience, are swallowed and slowly and painfully digested until their deaths.

*'''Come on.'''
**Who: Ricky &quot;Jupe&quot; Park
**Note: Jupe says this quietly to the horse he is trying to let Jean Jacket &quot;abduct&quot; for the Star Lasso Experience. Instead, it's Jupe, his family, Mary Jo Elliott, and the rest of the audience who get devoured, with the horse left in its cage.

===''[[North by Northwest]]'' (1959)===
*'''Now Mr. Kaplan, suppose you tell me who you are and what you want.'''
**Who: Lester Townsend
**Note: Converses this with Roger Thornhill (whom Lester thinks he's George Kaplan). When Thornhill shows a photo with Vandamm on it and says &quot;Do you know this man?&quot;, Lester doesn't get to answer as a knife is thrown into his back by Valerian. He drops dead and when Thornhill pulls out the knife, he is framed as the suspect.

===''[[w:The Nutcracker and the Four Realms|The Nutcracker and the Four Realms]]'' (2018)===
*'''Clara, what have you done?!'''
**Who: Sugar Plum Fairy
**Note: Is zapped by her own machine, turning back into a doll.

==O==
===''[[Olympus Has Fallen]]'' (2013)===
*'''They're down the hall!'''
*'''Shit, we've only got four guys left!'''
*'''Hold your positions, you understand?'''
**Who: Secret Service agents
**Note: During the White house takeover, the agents attempt desperately to hold off invading terrorists, but are killed in the gunfight.

*'''I got this door. Cover the other one.'''
**Who: White House surveillance agent
**Note: During the White house takeover, the agent, discovering that the terrorists have planted explosives on both doors of the surveillance room and will breach it, orders his compatriots to cover the second door, but all three agents are killed when the terrorists break in.

*'''Olympus has fallen! Olympus has fallen! Olympus has fallen! Fuck you!'''
**Who: Agent Roma ([[w:Cole Hauser|Cole Hauser]]) 
**Note: During the White house takeover, Roma says this using a radio to inform the Cabinet that terrorists have taken the White house, knowing he is the last Secret Service agent left and is certain to be killed. Then, two terrorists attack him and, though he manages to kill one of the terrorists, the other shoots Roma, killing him.

*'''His name is Yeonsak Kang. He's the head of the KUF.'''
**Who: KUF Terrorist
**Note: Character says this line while being interrogated and tortured by Mike, and is implied to have died afterwards.

*'''Kang, it's Forbes. I got him. All clear.'''
**Who: Dave Forbes ([[w:Dylan McDermott|Dylan McDermott]]) 
**Note: A former Secret Service agent, now a traitor working for the KUF, Forbes falsely tells Kang via walkie-talkie that he has killed Mike, after having been overpowered by him in a fight. Mike then mercy-kills him.

*'''Looks like you failed again, Mike.'''
**Who: Kang Yeonsak ([[w:Rick Yune|Rick Yune]]) 
**Note: The mastermind behind the White House takeover and the head of the paramilitary force KUF (Koreans for United Freedom), Kang attempts to escape with president Asher as hostage. While engaging Mike in one-on-one fight, Kang says this to Mike when trying to kill him with his knife. But Mike gains the upper hand and then kills Kang by stabbing him in the head, as he earlier said he would.

===''[[On the Waterfront]]'' (1954)===
*'''Take me to the garden.'''
**Who: Charlie Malloy
**Note: After telling his brother Terry to run from Johnny Friendly after talking in a taxicab, Charlie says this to the driver of the taxi. The driver is then revealed to be working for Friendly, and takes Charlie to be killed. His body is found later by Terry.

*'''Okay. I'll see you on the roof.'''
**Who: Joey Doyle
**Note: Said to Terry, who is in fact luring him up to his death with the pretense of giving him back one of his pigeons. Joey is later thrown off the roof by Friendly's men.

===''[[Once Upon a Time in Mexico]]'' (2000)===
*'''See anything you like?'''
**Who: Ajedrez
**Note: Says the line to her former lover/fellow CIA agent, Sands, whom she had betrayed. She drugged him and watched as her father and his men drilled Sands' eyes out; he shoots her and replies &quot;No&quot; to her question.

===''[[Once Upon a Time in the West]]'' (1968)===
*'''Who are you?'''
**Who: Frank
**Notes: Said after losing his final duel with Harmonica. The brother who's alias is Harmonica having avenged his hanged brother's death puts his signature harmonica in Frank's mouth. Having recognized his opponent as the young boy who's brother was hung, he dies with satisfaction.

===''[[Orphan (film)|Orphan]]'' (2009)===
*'''Please. Don't let me die, Mommy.''' [Kate Coleman: I'm NOT your FUCKING MOMMY!!!]
**Who: Leena Klammer
**Note: Character is a murderious 33 year old woman with dwarfism posing as a little girl named &quot;Esther&quot;, she says this line while pleading for her life from her foster mother, Kate Coleman, while they struggle to the death after Leena atacks her and kills her husband, john. Kate, realising that Leena will kill her if she lets her live (we see her holding a knife behind her back), kicks her in the face, breaking Leena's neck (killing her instantly) and sending her dead corpse down a hole into a frozen pond.

===''[[Osmosis Jones]]'' (2001)===
*'''Can you feel the heat, Jones? Hehehehehe. Too bad you won't be here to see me break my record when I take down Frank's pretty little girl.''' ['''Osmosis:''' She ain't goin' down. You are!] '''What?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!'''
**Who: Thrax
**Note: Uttered by Thrax as he impales the titular character on a false eyelash, only to realize that the white blood cell made a gap in his body, who runs off while the eyelash comes off and falls into a bottle of rubbing alcohol, disintegrating the virus.

===''[[w:Over the Edge (film)|Over the Edge]]'' (1979)===
*'''You son of a bitchin' pigs!'''
**Who: Richie White ([[w: Matt Dillon|Matt Dillon]])
**Note: After a high-speed pursuit, he is cornered by Sergeant Doberman and shot after pointing an empty gun at Doberman.

==P==
===''[[w:Pale Rider|Pale Rider]]'' (1985)===
*'''Stay where you are, boys!'''
**Who: Spider Conway
**Notes: Having found gold, Spider Conway spews drunken abuse towards Coy LaHood. He confronts Stockburn and attempts to see LaHood, but when the Marshal forces him to dance, Conway tells his sons to stay where they are. He then attempts to defend himself, but is riddled with bullets, and Stockburn shoots him in the head.

*'''You! You!'''
**Who: Marshal Stockburn
**Note: The corrupt marshal hired by LaHood. He recognizes the Preacher in disbelief and is shot dead.

===''[[Pan's Labyrinth]]'' (2006)===
*'''No!'''
**Who: Ofelia
**Note: Said while trying to stop Vidal from taking her brother. Vidal turns and shoots her in the chest in response.

*'''Tell my son what time his father died at. Tell him that-'''
**Who: Captain Vidal
**Note: Said after handing his son over to Mercedes. She interrupts him with &quot;He will not even know your name,&quot; then Pedro shoots him in the face.

===''[[The Patriot (2000 film)|The Patriot]]''===
*'''Kill me before the war is over, will you? It appears that you are not the better man.'''
**Who: Col. William Tavington
**Notes: During their final duel at Cowpens, Tavington believes Benjamin Martin isn't better. Martin stabs him twice with two different bayonets, telling him before delivering the killing blow &quot;You're right. My sons were better men.&quot; referring the sons that Tavington had killed earlier.

===''[[Paul (film)|Paul]]'' (2011)===
*'''Smile, you son of a bitch!'''
**Who: Agent Haggard
**Note: Character accidentally drives off the edge into a ravine while while trying to shoot Paul during a car chase.

*'''Well, ain't this-'''
**Who: The Big Guy ([[w:Sigourney Weaver|Sigourney Weaver]])
**Note: Character is crushed by the alien ship's walking platform

===''[[w:Peeping Tom (film)|Peeping Tom]]'' (1960)===
*'''Helen! Helen! I'm afraid!''' [Helen: No, Marc!] '''And I'm glad I'm afraid!'''
**Who: Marc Lewis
**Note: Character impales himself with a knife attached to one of the legs on his movie camera tripod.

===''[[Peter Pan (2003 film)|Peter Pan]]'' (2003)===
*'''Old, alone...done for.'''
**Who: Captain Hook
**Note: Hook had attained the ability to fly, when the Crocodile appeared beneath him. Peter Pan, the Darling children, and the Lost Boys started calling him &quot;old, alone and done for&quot;, using the bad thoughts to drag him down. Hook tries, in vain, to retain his flight by thinking of &quot;happy thoughts&quot;, but finally succumbs, crossing his hands over his chest and letting himself be swallowed whole.

===''[[Peter Rabbit (film)|Peter Rabbit]]'' (2018)===
*'''Gotcha, Rabbit! I knew you'd come. The lady's not here to protect you now...I've got a hankering for a pie tonight, ''RABBIT'' pie!'''
**Who: Mr. McGregor
**Note: He capture Peter and prepared to put him into a pie similar to how Mrs. McGregor did the same to Peter's father. However, before Mr. McGregor could do so, he suddenly died of a heart attack, and collapsed to the ground, much to Peter’s surprise. It later turns out that the true cause behind Mr. McGregor's death was due to 78 years of terrible lifestyle choices of eating too much junk food, even after Mrs. McGregor died from unknown causes.

===''[[Pineapple Express (film)|Pineapple Express]]'' (2008)===
*'''I'm hungry, I'm going home.'''
**Who: Budlofsky
**Note: Said before Matheson shoots him for not killing Saul.

*'''You think you was gonna get me?! Motherfucker?! Huh?! You need to sit your little sexy ass down, and watch yourself get killed now!'''
**Who: Matheson
**Note: Said to Saul moments before Red runs him over with his car.

*'''Why are you doing this to me?!'''
**Who: Ted Jones
**Note: Said this while fighting Dale, who responds with the same question. A rival Asian gang sets up a bomb that goes off that destroys Ted's underground pot grow house, taking him with it.

*'''Your stupidity amazes me.'''
**Who: Officer Carol Brazier
**Note: Says this moments before the bomb goes off that destroys the grow house. The explosion launches Red's car and it lands on top of Carol, crushing and killing her.

===''[[Pirates of the Caribbean]]'' films===
====''[[Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl]]'' (2003)====
*'''I feel...cold...'''
**Who: Captain Hector Barbossa
**Notes: Barbossa had suffered under a curse that made him undead; he was unable to feel anything. Immediately after being shot, the curse was broken, allowing him to feel again. He was resurrected by Tia Dalma in the second film.

====''[[Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest]]'' (2006)====
*'''Hello, Beastie.'''
**Who: Captain Jack Sparrow
**Notes: Said before being swallowed by the Kraken. Was then banished to a hellish afterlife, which he was rescued from in the next film.

====''[[Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End]]'' (2007)====
*'''I'll give your love to your mother, shall I?'''
**Who: Weatherby Swann
**Notes: Character was already dead at this point, having been murdered by Cutler Beckett off screen. He says this to his daughter Elizabeth right before his ghost sails away to the Land of the Dead.

*'''Forgive me...Calypso...'''
**Who: Sao Feng
**Notes: Said to Elizabeth, who he thought was Calypso, after being mortally wounded on board his ship by Davy Jones, via a cannon blast fired from Jones' ship which sent him flying backwards onto a sharp piece of broken wood which impaled him. He had tried to rape her shortly before he was mortally wounded, which is why he asked her to forgive him before he died.

*'''Belay that!'''
**Who: James Norrington
**Notes: Character is betraying Cutler Beckett by allowing some of his prisoners to escape. He yells this at Bootstrap Bill Turner, who had just caught him and raised the alarm. Turner, who had been driven insane by the torture he'd received at the hands of Davy Jones (and possibly the presumed death of his son Will), then impales Norrington, killing him.

*'''No!'''
**Who: Mr. Mercer
**Notes: Said as he is being smothered by Davy Jones. Jones then strangles him and breaks his neck.

*'''Calypso...'''
**Who: Davy Jones
**Note: Said after his heart was stabbed, before falling into a massive maelstrom, which was a physical form of Calypso, a sea goddess and his lover.

*'''It's just...good business.'''
**Who: Lord Cutler Beckett
**Note: Said as his ship is bombarded by cannonfire from the Black Pearl and Flying Dutchman and is asked what they should do by a crewman. He is repeating what he said to Jack earlier when he pointed his ships cannons at Jack's ship (&quot;[It's nothing personal, Jack.] It's just...good business&quot;) Beckett calmly walks onto the deck of his ship and is killed in a large explosion.

====''[[Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides]]'' (2011)====
*'''This land is hereby forever claimed in the glorious name of His Majesty, King George-'''
**Who: Lieutenant Commander Theodore Groves
**Note: Making his speech about the Fountain as the property of King George before he is interrupted and killed by the Spaniard with a gunshot.

*'''Trickster! Devil!'''
**Who: Blackbeard
**Notes: The Captain of the ship &quot;Queen Anne's Revenge&quot;, his crew spends a great portion of the movie searching for the Fountain of Youth (which has the power to give all the years of life from another person: the years they have and could've lived). Angelica (his daughter and the ship's first mate) is searching for the Fountain in order to save her father's life to avoid a prophecy of his death at the hands of a one-legged man (Barbossa) from occurring. Eventually, a struggle occurs between the forces of Britain and Blackbeard's crew, until the Spanish arrive and sabotage the Fountain. Taking advantage of this, Barbossa stabs Blackbeard (in revenge for Blackbeard's part in the destruction of the Black Pearl) with his poison-laced sword. Angelica tries to save him but scratches herself with the blade, causing Jack to trick Blackbeard into drinking from the one cup without a mermaid's tear (which is required for the Fountain's ritual), and Angelica to drink the other. In fury, Blackbeard yells the above line at Jack after he reveals the truth about which goblets he gave to each other. Although Angelica is saved, Blackbeard ends up crumbling away into a lifeless skeleton.

====''[[Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales]]'' (2017)====
*'''Jack!'''
**Who: Captain Armando Salazar
**Notes: A legendary pirate hunter, Salazar is a ghost who came back to life to kill Captain Jack Sparrow for leading him to hid demise. Even when his curse is broken and he is returned to human life, Salazar still intends on killing Jack and his allies, but is dragged by Captain Barbossa into the closing waters below before Salazar can do so. Salazar dies whilst falling when his head hits the anchor he was attempting to climb on.

*[Carina: &quot;What am I to you?] '''Treasure. Hold on!'''
**Who: Captain Hector Barbossa
**Notes: In an effort to save his long-lost daughter Carina from the villainous Captain Salazar, Barbossa sacrifices himself by letting go of the chain he, Carina, Salazar, Jack, and Henry Turner are on and falls into the closing waters below, grabbing Salazar on the way down and dragging him to their deaths in the water. Barbossa says this line to Carina after she realizes he is her father and asks him what he thinks of her.

===''[[Planet of the Apes]]'' films===
====''[[Planet of the Apes (1968 film)|Planet of the Apes]]'' (1968)====
*'''Blessed are the vegetarians.'''
**Who: Thomas Dodge
**Notes: After the astronauts happen across a tribe of mute humans, Dodge makes this comment. He is subsequently shot dead while trying to escape an ape hunting party, and his corpse is later seen stuffed and mounted in a museum.

*'''We got off at the wrong stop.''' 
**Who: John Landon
**Notes: Character's last words before being captured by the ape hunting party, and later being lobotomized on the orders of Dr. Zaius.

====''[[Beneath the Planet of the Apes]]'' (1970)====
*'''If it's 3955AD, my god. My wife, my two daughters. Dead. Everyone I ever knew. Everyone I...'''
**Who: Skipper
**Notes: Having been fatally injured during the crash-landing of his spacecraft, Skipper makes this remark on being told the year by Brent, before dying from his injuries.

*'''TAYLOR!'''
**Who: Nova
**Notes: On seeing Taylor, Nova speaks for the first and only time in her life, before later being shot dead by an ape soldier.

*'''Unto god... I reveal my inmost self.'''
**Who: Ongaro
**Notes: After Nova distracts Ongaro from his attempts to psychically induce Brent and Taylor to kill each other, they turn on him and fatally impale him on the spiked bars of their cell. Ongaro removes his mask and says this before dying.

*'''Taylor, come on! Come on, the bomb!'''
**Who: John Brent
**Notes: Following Nova's death, Brent drags the mourning Taylor away from her body, so that the two can prevent the mutants from using the Alpha-Omega bomb and unwittingly destroying all life on Earth. Brent dies in a later scene when he runs out of ammo and is killed by a volley of fire from the ape soldiers.

*'''This is the instrument of my god.'''
**Who: Mendez
**Notes: As the ape army breaks into the cathedral, Mendez says this before raising the Alpha-Omega bomb into its firing position. Before he can detonate it, Ursus has one of his soldiers shoot him.

*'''Sergeant! Over there!'''
**Who: Ursus
**Notes: When Ursus nearly detonates the Alpha-Omega bomb by accident, Brent gets his attention by banging his rifle on the cathedral's organ. Ursus subsequently shoots and mortally wounds Taylor, causing Brent to in turn shoot him dead.

*'''You ask me to help you?! Man is evil! Capable of nothing but destruction!'''
**Who: Dr. Zaius
**Notes: As the apes and Brent fight in the background, the dying Taylor pleads for Zaius to help him. Zaius angrily refuses, and is then killed when Taylor detonates the Alpha-Omega bomb.

*'''You... bloody bastard...'''
**Who: George Taylor
**Notes: Having been mortally wounded by Ursus, and with Zaius refusing to help him, Taylor uses the last of his strength to hit the Alpha-Omega bomb's detonator, igniting the Earth's atmosphere and incinerating all life on the planet.

====''[[Escape from the Planet of the Apes]]'' (1971)====
*'''Stop arguing! It's too late for that. Use your heads and start thinking. Now that they know we can speak, how much will we tell-'''
**Who: Milo
**Notes: With Zira having revealed to the humans that the three apes can talk, Milo begins planning their next move, only to get too close to a gorilla in the next cage, which grabs him and strangles him to death.

*'''Oh. Well, there must be some place cleaner than this. I'll look around.'''
**Who: Cornelius
**Notes: After Zira says that their baby needs feeding, Cornelius leaves to find a more sanitary place for her to do so. He dies in later scene after he shoots Dr. Hasslein dead, only to then be himself shot by a police sniper, causing him to fall to his death.

*'''Zira. I want that baby. And if you won't give it to me, I'll shoot.'''
**Who: Dr. Otto Hasslein
**Notes: Hasslein, having been pursuing Cornelius, Zira, and their child, tries to make Zira hand over what he believes to be her child at gunpoint. He then shoots them both, before Cornelius in turn shoots him dead.

*'''Stevie.'''
**Who: Zira
**Notes: Says this on seeing Dr. Stephanie &quot;Stevie&quot; Branton and her colleague Dr. Lewis Dixon arriving at the shipyard where she and Cornelius are hiding. Branton and Dixon are too late to help her, however, and Hasslein fatally shoots Zira and the baby gorilla masquerading as her and Cornelius' son.

====''[[Conquest of the Planet of the Apes]]'' (1972)====
*'''No. I won't submit to this. I have done nothing wrong, you are treating me like a criminal!''' [Kolp: Sit back, please.] '''No, no, no!''' [Kolp: Guard!] '''Hell no!'''
**Who: Armando
**Notes: On being forced to undergo interrogation with a device that forces him to tell the truth, Armando throws himself to his death out of a window, rather than give up the identity of Milo/Caesar.

====''[[Battle for the Planet of the Apes]]'' (1973)====
*'''Father? They... hurt me. They want... to hurt you.''' [Caesar: Who hurt you? The humans?] '''No. Shall I be... shall I be malformed?
**Who: Cornelius II
**Notes: After being pushed off a tree by Aldo in an earlier scene, Cornelius tries to warn his father that Aldo and his followers are plotting against him. Caesar responds to his last question be reassuring him that one day he will be a king, before Cornelius dies.
*'''Caesar. Your people weakened our city by rebelling against your human masters. But we who survive will create a new race, and you and yours shall be brought low. You shall learn again what it is to have a master. Clever ape. Ape! Clever ape! But then, you always were clever. I was told how you chose your own name. But every Caesar must have his Brutus. Did you know that, ape? Do you understand that, APE?! And now Ape City is about to lose its king!'''
**Who: Kolp
**Notes: Thinking that he has overcome Ape City's resistance, Kolp taunts Caesar, who then reveals that he lured Kolp's forces into a trap, as reinforcements arrive and attack them. Kolp and a few others manage to escape, only to be gunned down by Aldo and his loyalists.
*'''It's over. We lost.'''
**Who: Mutant Captain (deleted scene)
**Notes: The captain staggers into the ruined city and says this to Alma and Mendez before dying from his injuries.
*'''No! We shall keep the guns. Move, Caesar, or we shall kill you.'''
**Who: Aldo
**Notes: With the mutant army defeated, Aldo orders his followers to massacre the captive humans, only for Caesar to intervene. Virgil then reveals that Aldo was responsible for the death of Cornelius II, leading to a duel between Caesar and Aldo, which results in the latter dying when he falls from a tree.

====''[[Planet of the Apes (2001 film)|Planet of the Apes]]'' (2001)====
*'''Damn them. Damn them all to hell.'''
**Who: Thade's Father.
**Notes: On his deathbed, Thade's father gets his son to promise to exterminate all the humans, before saying this as he dies. The line is a reference to the last line of the original 1968 ''Planet of the Apes'', spoken by George Taylor, who like Thade's father was played by Charlton Heston.

===''[[Platoon (film)|Platoon]]'' (1986)===
*'''Do it.'''
**Who: Robert &quot;Bob&quot; Barnes

===''[[Point Break]]'' (1991)===
*'''Look at it! It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, man! Let me go out there and let me get one wave, just one wave before you take me in. I mean, come on man, where I am I gonna go? Cliffs on both sides! I'm not gonna paddle my way to New Zealand! My whole life has been about this moment, Johnny. Come on, compadre. Come on. Come on!'''
**Who: Bodhi
**Note: Said when Johnny Utah has handcuffed him, promising to accept his jail time fate if he gets a wave during a freak storm in Victoria, Australia. Aware that Bodhi will not survive, Utah bids him &quot;Vaya con dios.&quot; Bodhi then attempts to make his killer wave surf but fails and drowns while Utah tells the authorities &quot;He's not coming back.&quot;

===''[[Pompeii (film)|Pompeii]]'' (2014)===
*'''NO! NO! WAIT! NO! MERCY!'''
**Who: Bellator
**Note: Character screamed this line to ask Proculus to leave the portcullis open for him, but the latter doesn't do so. He is consequently beaten to death by gladiators.

*'''I'm sorry.'''
**Who: Severus
**Note: Character had been stabbed by Corvus after a failed attempt on his life. While Corvus escapes with Proculus, Severus crawls to his also dying wife, and they try to comfort each other as he says this line.

*'''You have to save Cassia.''' [Milo: Where is she?] '''The villa.'''
**Who: Aurelia
**Who: While wounded and stuck under a collapsed beam, character urges Milo to save Cassia and divulges her location, before she dies of her wounds.

*'''Drink, drink.'''
**Who: Ariadne
**Note: Character attempts to heal Cassia by giving her some water from the fountain in the villa. However, when an earthquake causes half the villa to collapse into the sea, Milo and Cassia survive but Ariadne falls to her death.

*'''Row, you idiots! Row!'''
**Who: Graecus
**Note: Character said this line while on a boat, rowing away from Pompeii to escape the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. A fireball lands in the ocean next to the ship, splashing its crew and Graces, before a second fireball lands on the ship, instantly killing Graecus and destroying and sinking the entire ship.

*'''A Barbarian does not die...the equal of a Roman.'''
*'''Please! Please!'''
**Who: Marcus Proculus
**Note: Character says the first line after wounding Atticus. However, Atticus manages to break the blade and tries to use it to kill Proculus, remarking &quot;Let's see if a Roman can die the equal of a gladiator.&quot; When Proculus says the second line, struggling to repel the blade, Atticus calls him out on his cowardliness, saying &quot;Gladiators...do...not...beg!&quot; He then succeeds in stabbing Proculus in the neck.

*'''WAIT! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE!'''
**Who: Senator Quintus Attius Corvus
**Note: Character had been chained to the remains of his chariot and abandoned to die by Milo and Cassia. After they escape him, a pyroclastic surge emerges from Mount Vesuvius into the city, consequently incinerating Corvus.

*'''For those of us, about to die...we salute you! I die a free man!'''
**Who: Atticus
**Note: Having killed Proculus, character discovers the surge about to consume him. He proudly meets his fate, saying this line.

*'''I don't want to spend our last moments running.'''
**Who: Cassia
*'''Don't look. Look at me! Just me.'''
**Who: Milo
**Note: Cassia says her line after she realizes that she and Milo will neither survive nor outrun the surge. Milo comforts and embraces her as the surge engulfs them.

===''Predator'' series===
====''[[Predator 2]]'' (1990)====
*'''What the fuck are you doing now man?! You're crazy!'''
**Who: Ramon Vega
**Notes: A Colombian narcotics kingpin at war with the Jamaican Voodoo Posse. In his apartment, the Jamaicans break in and string him up by his legs. He pleads this to the henchman Gold Teeth, but to give a warning to Ramon's friends, Gold Teeth cuts out his heart in a murderous ritual.

*'''His foundation lie in the holy mountain, Selah.'''
**Who: King Willie
**Notes: A Jamaican posse leader, having learned of the Predator's presence in Los Angeles, he says this preparing to duel with the Predator. After an off-screen duel, King Willie is decapitated along with his spinal cord ripped from his body as a trophy.

*'''Let's dance!'''
**Who: Jerry Lambert
**Notes: One of Mike Harrigan's allies in the case inquiring about the Predator in Los Angeles. While evacuating a subway train of civilians, Jerry stays behind and grabs a blade to buy time saying this. Sadly, he is killed moments after that.

*'''Get outta here, Harrigan; I'm gonna save your ass. This is between me and him!'''
**Who: Peter J. Keyes
**Notes: The OWLF team leader trying to capture the Predator who has been hunting worthy game around Los Angeles. In the slaughterhouse, Keyes' team is wiped out when the monster sees through their insulation and UV lights. After an injury by the predator's blaster, Keyes recovers to blast it with liquid nitrogen. He says these to Harrigan ever determined to get his prize alive. However, the Predator retaliates with a Smart Disc slinging it to cut Keys down.

====''Predators'' (2010)====
*'''Finally found me, huh, big dog? What took you so long?'''
**Who: Ronald Noland
**Notes: He comes face-to-face with a Predator in a crawl space, who blows him up with a plasmacaster.

*'''Who's your daddy now, motherfucker? Hunt my dick, bitch! ''[blast]'' Die, you space faggot! Who do you think you're dealing with, hoss? Is that all you've got?!'''
**Who: Stans
**Notes: He attacks a Predator head on with a knife, but is ultimately overpowered and killed.

*'''Help me. I'm one of you.'''
**Who: Edwin
**Notes: Booby-trapped with grenades to his chest, Edwin blows up and kills a Predator alongside him.

====''The Predator'' (2018)====
*'''Contact! Contact!'''
**Who: William Traeger
**Notes: While laughing at Baxley's futile efforts to kill the Predator, Casey Bracket manages to yell at Traeger to get his attention. In doing so, turning his head also aimed his armed plasmacaster at his temple, accidentally killing himself by blowing his own head off.

*'''Die!'''
**Who: Baxley
**Notes: Mortally wounded after being impaled by a tree branch, he makes a silent pact with Coyle to shoot and kill each other with their handguns.

*'''Baxley!'''
**Who: Coyle
**Notes: Mortally wounded after being disemboweled, he makes a silent pact with Baxley to shoot and kill each other with their handguns.

*'''Fuck!'''
**Who: Nettles
**Notes: His legs are slashed off by a closing force field on the Predator ship - his remaining body flies off into the forest below.

*'''Bro.'''
**Who: Gaylord 'Nebraska' Williams 
**Notes: Sacrifices himself to disable the Predator ship by jumping into the ship's turbine.

===''[[The Prestige (film)|The Prestige]]'' (2006)===
*'''Abracadabra.'''
**Who: Alfred Borden/Fallon
**Note: Said when asked if he had any last words, before he is hanged for murder. It is later revealed that Borden and Fallon are twin brothers, who alternate between roles as magician and assistant despite being different people, but it is unclear which one was hanged (but it is made clear that the brother who loved Sarah and had a daughter, Jess, with her, is allowed to live and be reunited with the little girl while the one who loved Olivia dies).

*'''You never understood...why we did this. The audience knows the truth: the world is simple. It's miserable, solid all the way through. But if you could fool them, even for a second, then you can make them wonder, and then you...then you got to see something really special. You really don't know? It was...it was the look on their faces...'''
**Who: Robert Angier
**Note: Character is shot by the surviving half of the Borden/Fallon twins, who reveals his trick and suggests that everything Angier did was in vain. Angier says this line before dying.

===''[[The Princess Bride (film)|The Princess Bride]]'' (1987)===
*'''You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is &quot;Never get involved in a land war in Asia&quot;, but only slightly less well known is this: &quot;Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!!!&quot; Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Hahaha-'''
**Who: Vizzini
**Note: The comment was made triumphantly after &quot;cheating&quot; at a deathmatch of wits involving wine poisoned with iocane powder. Unfortunately, his opponent also cheated: both of the wines were poisoned, and the opponent (The Dread Pirate Roberts) is immune to iocane.

*'''Anything you want.'''
**Who: Count Rugen
**Note: Rugen was promising [[w:Inigo Montoya|Inigo Montoya]] (whose father he had murdered years before), who had him at swordpoint, whatever he wanted in exchange for sparing his life. Inigo replied &quot;I want my father back, you son of a bitch!&quot; before fatally stabbing Rugen.

===''[[w:The Principal|The Principal]]'' (1987)===
*'''I ain't doin' life for anybody. If you wanna kill this piece of shit, you do it your damn self...!'''
**Who: Joe &quot;Jo-Jo&quot;
**Note: Contradicts this as by killing the titular Principal Rick Latimer will land him and his gang friends to prison for life. Victor Duncan infuriated by this shoots Jo-Jo in the head.

===''[[Public Enemies (2009 film)|Public Enemies]]'' (2009)===
*'''Tell Billie for me...bye-bye, Blackbird.'''
**Who: John Dillinger (Johnny Depp)
**Note: Dillinger said this to Charles Winstead, who has just fatally shot him. Winstead later related the message to Billie Forchette, for whom it was intended.

===''[[Pulp Fiction]]'' (1994)===
*'''It's in the cupboard. No, no, the one by your kn-knees.'''
**Who: Flock-of-Seagulls
**Note: After being asked by Jules where their briefcase was, he answers this to Vincent.  He doesn't say another thing in the scene and is shortly afterward shot dead by Jules.

*'''Yes.'''
**Who: Brett
**Note: Early in the movie, Vincent and Jules come to Brett's house early in the morning.  After a heated argument which leads to Brett's friend, Flock-of-Seagulls, shot dead, and Brett shot in the shoulder, Jules asks Brett if he reads the bible.  Brett says this, which leads Jules to quote Ezekiel 25:17.  After he concludes the verse, Brett shrieks in terror as Vincent and Jules shoot him multiple times.

*'''DIE, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!! DIE!!!'''
**Who: Unnamed Man
**Note: During the breakfast scene, after Brett is shot dead, a man, who has been hiding in the bathroom bursts out emptying his gun at Jules and Vincent and shouting these words. Jules and Vincent, still standing and unharmed look at the man in surprise before shooting him dead.

*'''I don't even have an opinion.'''
**Who: Marvin
**Note: Marvin said this to Vincent Vega, who asked for his opinion about a discussion Vincent was having with Jules Winnfield. Vincent then accidentally shoots Marvin in the head, killing him.

===''The Punisher'' (1989)===
*Goodbye, Mr. Franco!
**Who: Lady Tanaka
**Note: A female Yakuza boss wanting to gain territory in America. Having murdered the other mob bosses who's children were kidnapped by her henchmen for ransom and intending to sell them as slaves, she taunts this to Gianni Franco planning to raise Tommy Franco as her own much like her deaf mute adoptive daughter. Just as Tanaka laughs at her triumph, the Punisher barges through and throws a knife into her forehead killing her and extricating Tommy, the last of the abducted mob children.

*I must compliment you, Castle. You did something I never dreamed possible; You've wiped out the competition. Thanks to you, there's only me. In five years time, my new organization will be the most powerful crime syndicate on Earth; And that boy who's life you saved will inherit all of it. And the only thing he will have to fear, I'm about to eliminate. You gave me back my son, thank you very much; I'm in your debt. See you in hell, Castle... ''(Tommy Franco: Dad!)'' Tommy!
**Who: Gianni Franco
**Note: A mob boss who wants to do anything possible to save his kidnapped son Tommy from Lady Tanaka. After their mission is accomplished, Gianni tells Frank Castle a.k.a. The Punisher of his true sinister goals and how he will leave his syndicate in the hands of Tommy. Before he can execute Punisher, Tommy doubles back to check on his father and with this distraction, Punisher fights the mob boss in a final duel. After a brutal fight, Punisher turns Franco's gun on the boss piercing through his bulletproof vest and into his heart.

===''[[Planes (film)]]'' ===
*'''Holly Cow! Its the whole enemy fleet!'''
**Who: Jigsaw
**Note: This was the last thing the plane character said before his death by the Japanese Navy.

==Q==
===''[[Quest for Camelot]]'' (1998)===
*'''I will not serve a false king!''' [Ruber: Then serve...a DEAD ONE!]
**Who: Sir Lionel ([[Gabriel Byrne|Gabriel Byrne]])
**Note: Said by Sir Lionel as disagreeing with Ruber who wants to become a new king which leads Ruber to a murderous rage, pulls out a mace and makes a lunge for Arthur but Sir Lionel Stepped in the way and was killed by Ruber.

*'''Oh no! The Stone!!'''
**Who: Ruber ([[Gary Oldman|Gary Oldman]])
**Note: Said by Ruber after Kayley and Garrett trick him by impale Excalibur (which has now fused to his arm earlier) back in the stone. Ruber couldn't pull his fused arm out because he was not the rightful king. The power of the stone reverts Ruber's henchman back to normal, heals King Arthur and disintegrates Ruber and also restoring Excalibur.

==R==
===''Rambo series''===
====''[[First Blood]]''====
*'''Hold it steady! Come on!'''
**Who: Art Galt
**Notes: Trying to snipe Rambo from a helicopter, Galt says this over Teasle's radioing that he wants to capture Rambo. But, the war veteran throws a rock at the helicopter and results in Galt falling out to his death.

===''[[Rampage (2018 film)|Rampage]]'' (2018)===
*'''Open it!'''
**Who: Dr. Kerry Atkins
**Note: A researcher aboard Athena-1. When a monstrous sized rat is on the loose, she procures samples of the monster pathogen, and pleads this to open the escape pod. She ejects but the rat had scraped the glass, so her descent to Earth ends with her being immolated.

*'''Light him up!''' ''[Burke's helicopter gives cover fire on Ralph, but the monstrous wolf converges on the helicopter]'' '''Incoming!'''
**Who: Burke
**Note: A mercenary hired by Claire Wyden to capture Ralph, he orders covering fire and tries to warn his crew when Ralph leaps for the chopper, but all aboard are killed. Burke is then cornered by the monstrous wolf who drips saliva on him, and he is unable to fight back, thus he is eaten alive.

*'''What the hell are you doing?!''' [Kate Caldwell: Feeding the monster to the gorilla!] ''[George the gorilla picks up Claire and the suitcase containing the antidote and drops them into his mouth]'' '''OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''
**Who: Claire Wyden
**Note: The corrupt CEO of Energyne. When Caldwell and Davis turn the tables on her, George picks her up along with the antidote to bring him back to his senses and eats them both alive.

*'''That's my pleasure, I hate that thing!'''
**Who: Brett Wyden
**Note: Claire's idiot brother. At the lobby of the Energyne building, he has to surrender to Agent Russell his laptop which will have the evidence to convict Energyne as well as a rat he was going to experiment on. He says this due to his hatred of rats and just when he gets outside, falling debris crushes him to a bloody pulp. Agent Russell calls this death &quot;Oh damn. That was a lot.&quot;

===''A Rat's Tale'' (1997)===
*Nick: ''[grunting]'' Tom: '''Can you see anything?''' Nick: '''No! Nothing, just dust!''' ''[pants, grunts]'' Tom: '''Oh. Mrs. Jellybelly?''' Nick: '''Ohh...''' Nick: '''We'll fix it later.''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: Sure you will. You can't fool me; I know what you're doing.] Nick: '''Well... we're after one of these, uh, h--horrible rats.''' Tom: '''Yeah.''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: And my wonderful money. ''[looks down at her three-iron golf club lying on the floor and picks it up, becoming furious]'' My three-iron?!] Nick: '''Yeah.''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: Look what you've done! I've had it with you two! You're fired...] Nick: '''Mrs. Jellybelly--''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: ...both of you.] Nick: '''No, chill out.''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: ''[raises her three-iron]'' Get out!] Tom and Nick: '''Please, listen!''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: You're the real rats! Get out!] Tom: '''Don't!''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: Get!] Tom and Nick: '''Wait!''' Tom: '''Let's--''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: GET OUT!!!] Tom: '''Stop!''' Tom and Nick: '''Mrs. Jellybelly--''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: And don't... ''[punches Nick with her three-iron]'' come back! You're out of the art world!] Nick: ''[to Tom]'' '''That was ''your'' idea!''' Tom: ''[to Nick]'' '''Was not!'''
**Who: Nick and Tom

===''[[Ray (film)|Ray]]'' (2004)===
*'''I'm a giant!'''
**Who: George Robinson
**Notes: Ray's little brother George is playing around his mother's washtub, but he slips and falls into it and drowns. Ray thinks he is joking around at first before realizing too late that he is in distress.

===''[[w:The Recruit|The Recruit]]'' (2003)===
*'''You gotta give me one thing. I'm a scary judge of talent.'''
**Who: Walter Burke
**Notes: Character realizes that James Clayton had tricked him into confessing by making him think that the CIA had heard his revealing his guilt in the warehouse. He begins to make a move, possibly to provoke the agents who are pointing their guns at him to shoot him, and is shot dead.

===''[[Ready Player One (film)|Ready Player One]]'' (2018)===
====Avatars====

''Note: When avatars die in the OASIS, referred to as being &quot;zeroed out&quot;, they can come back to life, but their character progression is reset and all their goods removed.''

*'''It's fucking Chucky!'''
**Who: Sixer #1
**Note: Character says this line as Wade threw Chucky at the Sixer, during the Battle of Castle Anorak on Planet Doom. Chucky then zeroes the Sixer, and a few others, out with a knife.

*'''First to the Egg!'''
**Who: Daito
**Note: Character had damaged Sorrento's Mechagodzilla in his giant robot mode, but runs out of time in this form and is left at the robotic dinosaur's mercy. He remarks this line and gives it the middle finger before Mechagodzilla zeroes him out with blue fire breath.

*'''Shit. It's her.'''
*Step three!
**Who: Nolan Sorrento
**Note: Character says the first line upon seeing Art3mis, who then throws a bomb into Sorrento's Mechagodzilla control room, zeroing Sorrento and destroying the bionic dino. However, Sorrento's avatar comes back to life soon afterwards. He says the second line before detonating the Cataclyst, zeroing out all remaining avatars on Planet Doom (except Parzival due to an extra life).

*'''[Thumbs up]'''
**Who: Aech's Iron Giant
**Note: The Iron Giant had his hands damaged by i-R0k's gun while helping Wade, Art3mis and Sho across a river of lava. Sho incapacitates i-R0k, allowing the group to reach land, but the giant's grip gives way and it falls into the lava, giving Wade a &quot;thumbs up&quot; in the process instead of saying a word, a reference to ''[[Terminator 2: Judgement Day]]'' (1990).

*'''No, Wade, no!'''
**Who: Art3mis/Samantha Cook
**Note: Character said this line upon seeing Wade intending to shoot her avatar so she can escape IOI in real life. Before doing so, Wade says &quot;You'll forgive me for this, I promise,&quot; an allusion to what she had said to him earlier.

*'''What is that?!'''
**Who: Sixer #2
**Note: Character says this line when Wade throws his Holy Hand Grenade at him and hundreds of other Sixers. The grenade then goes off, zeroing out the Sixers and destroying all but one of their portals, allowing Wade and Sho further into the castle.

*'''YEAH! I won!'''
**Who: Atari Sixer
**Note: Character had become the first Sixer to survive on ice for more than a minute while playing an Atari game, hinting that it was the right game to complete the third quest, and eventually won the game. However, he zeroed out anyway, as the goal was not to win, but to find the game's own Easter Egg.

*'''I'm not going out like that! That's a camper move! You don't even know how to activate an orb!'''
**Who: i-R0k
**Note: Character says this line in an attempt to prevent Sorrento from activating the Cataclyst, instigating a fight between Sorrento and Parzival. i-R0k escapes during the fight, but is still caught up in the Cataclyst detonation.

====Humans====
*'''Goodbye, Parzival. Thanks. Thanks for playing my game.'''
**Who: James Halliday
**Note: Although Halliday has been dead for five years, a projection of him in the house where he grew up, is seen in the OASIS at the end of the quest. After giving Wade the Easter Egg, he says this line and walks out of the room, closing the door behind him, ending the quest, and no other Halliday projections are said to have been seen since.

===''[[The Real Macaw (film)|The Real Macaw]]'' (1998)===
*'''536, 537, 538, 539! Five-hundred...and forty.'''
**Who: The Pirate Who Bird-napped Mac

*'''YOU!'''
**Who: Dr. Lance Hagen

===''[[Red Dawn]]'' (1984)===
*'''What's going on here, my friend?'''
**Who: Mr. Teasdale
**Note: A school teacher in Calumet, Colorado, he questions the Soviet paratroopers and is shot dead by one of the paratroopers.

*'''BOYS!!! AVENGE ME!!! AVEEEENGE ME!!!!!!'''
**Who: Tom Eckert
**Note: The father of Jed and Matt Eckert. Knowing he's going to die in the re-education camp, he bis this to his sons. Moments later, he is shot to death by the Soviet firing squad.

===''[[Red Dragon (film)|Red Dragon]]'' (2002)===
*'''I-I-I wanna understand, I do. and I'm-- I'm really gonna be fair from now on. You know that. OH, GOD, NO!'''
**Who: [[w:Freddy Lounds|Freddy Lounds]]
*'''Drop it. Do it now, gumshoe. Your son is about to change. Then your wife. You can watch, then I'll take care of you.'''
**Who: [[w:Francis Dolarhyde|Francis Dolarhyde]]

===''[[The Red Shoes (1948 film)|The Red Shoes]] (1948)''===
*'''Take off the Red Shoes...'''
**Who: Victoria Page
**Notes: Said to her lover Julian Craster when she is his by a train (whether by accidentally or compulsory by the Red Shoes) aware that she will not live to see another sunrise.

===''[[Red Sonja (1985 film)|Red Sonja]]'' (1985)===
*'''O God of the high Gods...behold the talisman with which you created the world and all things. O God of Gods...it has become too powerful for us...and we must destroy it before it destroys the world. Forgive us now as we send it out of the light...from which it draws its power...into eternal darkness. Forgive us.'''
**Who: Kendra the High Priestess
**Notes: Said when attempting to seal away the Talisman into forever darkness so it can never be misused to destroy the world. However, Gedren's henchman Ikol throws a sharp throwing star and kills her. Although her priestesses fight back, it is powerless against Gedren's forces who steal the Talisman.

*'''Sonja...Thank god...I lived long enough...The Talisman's stolen...! All the priests massacred...We fought-''' [Sonja: Rest, Vaarna. Later we'll talk.] '''There's no time. Listen; The Talisman has terrible power which grows in the light. In thirteen days, it could destroy the world by storm...and earthquake...You must destroy the Talisman, Sonja...! Send it into darkness, swear that you will...''' [Sonja: I swear. Who took it?] '''I don't know...There was a woman in a gold mask, soldiers...'''
**Who: Vaarna
**Notes: Said when telling Sonja of the stolen Talisman when Kalidor arrived too late to save her and the priestesses. She dies warning of Gedren and her henchmen. Sonja cremates her at nightfall.

*'''I will tell the future in your entrails, red woman!'''
**Who: Brytag
**Notes: Said during his swordfight with Sonja who replies &quot;I know my future, you have none!&quot; After a brutal fight, Sonja pierces her sword through his chest and kills him leaving her to deal with his gang.

*'''I'm afraid Your Highness' growth is going to be stunted...permanently!'''
**Who: Ikol
**Notes: Said while fighting Prince Tarn. When he knows he cannot win, Ikol tries to escape with stolen gold, but Tarn lodges his sword into the gate which crushes Ikol to a pulp.

*'''Up here, Sonja. Up here.'''
**Who: Queen Gedren
**Notes: The evil queen who wants to rule the world using a Talisman said to make or destroy worlds. She says this during her fight with Sonja. She says nothing else after that while fighting a last stand in the Chamber of Lights. In the end, Sonja pierces her with her sword sending her falling into a sea of lava and destroys the Talisman while Gedren's palace inevitably caves in.

===''[[Red Tails]]''===
*'''I'm Sorry Sofia.'''
**Who: Lightning
**Notes: Lightning got himself killed on a head on attack on Pretty boy due to Pretty Boys Me-262 shot Lightning to death.

*'''DIE, YOU FOOLISH AFRICAN!!!'''
**Who: Pretty Boy
**Notes: The words were spoken in german while the movie translate the words into english. Pretty boy died by Lightning shooting him till his Me-262 explodes.

===''[[w:The Replacement Killers|The Replacement Killers]]'' (1998)===
*'''Meg, it doesn't...'''
**Who: Michael Kogan
**Notes: Mr. Wei's top henchman hunting for John Lee. He hoped Meg would save time by shooting herself in the head in their final confrontation, but is fooled by a decoy. Meg then says she will shoot him in the head, and Kogan tries to explain this, but is gunned down. Meg then tells him &quot;I didn't think so.&quot;

*'''The boy will die, John. As will as your family.'''
**Who: Terence Wei
**Notes: As John Lee confronts the crime boss on a fire staircase, Mr. Wei warns John his family and Zedkov's boy will still be killed, but John tells him &quot;Not in your lifetime.&quot; then shoots him, sending the crime boss falling to his death.

===''[[Repo Man (film)|Repo Man]]'' (1984)===
*'''What'cha got in the trunk?''' [J. Frank Parnell: Oh, you don't wanna look in there.] ''[after a pause]'' '''Gimme the keys.'''
**Who: Highway patrol officer
**Note: Said after pulling Parnell over. He opens the trunk of the Chevy Malibu and is immediately disintegrated.

*'''The lights are growing dim. I know a life of crime led me to this sorry fate...And yet, I blame society. Society made me what I am.''' [Otto: Bullshit! You're a white suburban punk, just like me!] '''But it still hurts...'''
**Who: Duke
**Note: Character had been in a shootout and was shot multiple times. He dies from his wounds.

*'''Hey Debbie! Watch this!'''
**Who: Archie
**Note: Said while about to open the unusually hot trunk of a car. Archie is immediately disintegrated by the trunk's contents.

*'''Why should I feel funny? The two hemispheres are fundamentally at odds. Hemisphere, hemisphere. It's strange, I do feel funny...'''
**Who: J. Frank Parnell
**Note: Character dies from exposure to radiation for extended periods of time.

===''[[w:Repo! The Genetic Opera|Repo! The Genetic Opera]]'' (2008)===
*'''Chromaggia, Come take these eyes...! I would rather be BLIND!'''
**Who: Blind Mag
**Note: Says this after finishing the song 'Chromaggia' and gouges her eyes out after she says this line. Dies when Rotti Largo cuts the rope that was suspending her in the air, impaling her on a prop fence.

===''[[Reservoir Dogs]]'' (1992)===
*'''Have some fire, scarecrow.'''
**Who: Mr. Blonde/&quot;Toothpick&quot; Vic Vega
**Note: Mr. Blonde says this as he prepares to burn Marvin Nash, a cop he'd kidnapped and bound, to death. He is then repeatedly shot and killed by Mr. Orange, himself an undercover cop.

*'''I can't see. I've gone blind.'''
**Who: Mr. Brown
**Note: Mr. Brown says this after being shot in the head and when blood drips into his eyes. He dies of his injury a few minutes later.

*'''Larry, stop pointing that fucking gun at my dad!!!'''
**Who: &quot;Nice Guy&quot; Eddie Cabot
**Note: Eddie says this to Mr. White, who is holding Eddie's father, Joe, at gunpoint for attempting to kill Mr. Orange. After Mr. White shoots Joe, Eddie shoots him and is fatally shot by the wounded Mr. White.

*'''You don't need proof when you got instinct. I ignored it before but no more.'''
**Who: Joe Cabot
**Note: Joe says this after Mr. White demands proof that Mr. Orange is an undercover cop, and him and his son are both killed in the ensuing standoff between Joe, Eddie, and Mr. White.

*'''Sorry, kid, but it looks like we're gonna do a little time.'''
**Who: Mr. White/Larry Demmick
**Note: Mr. White says this to Mr. Orange, after they have both been shot, referring to the fact that they are criminals and the police are on their way. When Mr. Orange admits he is a cop, a devastated Mr. White apparently kills him by shooting him, and is apparently killed himself by Mr. Orange's friends and colleagues on the force.

===[[w:Resident Evil (film series)|''Resident Evil'']] film series===
:''See [[Last words in Resident Evil|last words in ''Resident Evil'']].''

===''[[w:Return to Oz|Return to Oz]]'' (1985)===
*'''Don't you...know...that...eggs...are poison?''' [Billina: Poison indeed!] '''Poison...poison...to Nomes...'''
**Who: [[w:The Nome King|The Nome King]]
**Note: Character was attempting to eat Dorothy and her friends, only to have an egg dropped into his throat by Billina, Dorothy's pet chicken. As the quote indicates, eggs are poisonous to the Nome race, and the Nome King crumbles away after swallowing it.

===''[[w:Right at Your Door|Right at Your Door]]'' (2006)===
*'''I'm still alive, you fucking assholes! I'm still alive!'''
**Who: Brad ([[w:Rory Cochrane|Rory Cochrane]])
**Note: He is told by government agents that his house has turned into a breeding ground for a lethal toxin because he sealed up his house, not allowing any new air to circulate in. They seal his house shut while he's still inside, and spray the whole house with chemicals, killing Brad.

===''[[w:Righteous Kill|Righteous Kill]]'' (2008)===
*'''You a good man, Tom. You a good man. I know it was you. I was you. Thank you makes sense.'''
**Who: Rooster
**Note: Character is shot by his partner, Turk. He dies after saying this line.

===''[[w:Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky|Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky]]'' (1991)===
*'''Don't kill me! Don't kill me!'''
**Who: Rogan
**Note: Says this as Ricky chops off his leg and breaks his arms to ensure Rogan can never kill again. It is unknown if Rogan died or not since he is later seen alive.

*'''Someone gave me 30 lb. of rice to finish you and turn you into mince meat and put you in a pie!'''
**Who: Zorro
**Note: Says this to Ricky who promptly rams his fist into Zorro's stomach and ripping it out.

*'''Warden, no!!'''
**Who: Assistant Warden Dan
**Note: Says this to the Warden after he is shot by a gas pressured bullet. Seconds later, Dan blows up.

*'''We'll die together.'''
**Who: Oscar
**Note: Says this to Ricky after performing sepukku on himself. Oscar then reaches into his wound and attempts to strangle Ricky with his own intestines, but fails. Ricky then punches Oscar in the face with such force that it kills him.

*'''Ricky...I can't do it. Goddammit, I'll see you later.'''
**Who: Tarzan
**Note: Says this as he saves Ricky from being crushed by a moving ceiling, at the cost of Tarzan's life.

*'''Ricky! Come on, show me what you got!'''
**Who: The Prison Warden
**Note: The prison Warden, revealed to be a skilled martial artist, says this to Ricky. Ricky later throws the Warden into a meat grinder.

*'''Sir, sir! Wait!! Please, sir! Wait, sir!'''
**Who: Omar
**Note: Says this to police officers after they canceled his parole. Omar is later seen dead after hanging himself.

*'''Zorro, get him! I'm betting on you!'''
*Who: Samuel
**Note: Samuel tells Zorro to kill Ricky. Ricky easily kills Zorro, then he punches Samuel's ribs out.

===''[[Road House]]'' (1989)===
*'''It's OVER!'''
**Who: Brad Wesley
**Note: Dalton's bullying and greedy neighbor. After an intense final battle in his home, Dalton stops himself from killing him. Doc arrives then Wesley yells this trying to kill Dalton with a gun. But then, Red, Emmett, Stroudenmire, and Tilghman arrive and riddle him with gunfire. Tilghman then reminds Wesley &quot;This is our town, and don't you forget it.&quot; before finishing him with a shotgun round that sends the villain crashing through a table, dead.

===''[[Road to Perdition]]'' (2002)===
*'''I'm glad it's you.'''
**Who: John Rooney

*'''Give me the gun.'''
** Who: Harlen Maguire

*'''I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.'''
**Who: Frank Sullivan Sr.

===''[[RoboCop]]'' ([[1987]])===
*'''Buddy, I think you're slime.''' 
**Who: Officer Alex J. Murphy
**Note: Said to notorious crime lord Clarence Boddicker, who, along with his gang, guns down Murphy afterwards. Murphy is later resurrected as RoboCop. 

*'''Whatever he's paying you, I'll double it right now.'''
**Who: Bob Morton
**Note: Said when his legs are shot by Boddicker and tries to bargain with Dick Jones to save his own life. Dick Jones had recorded a message saying he means to assassinate Bob. Boddicker unpins a grenade and leaves it on the coffee table. Morton tries to in vain to get the grenade away and is killed in the blast.

*'''Just kidding.'''
**Who: Sal Luccione
**Note: Said after almost provoking a shootout between his gang and Clarence Boddicker's in his drug factory. When RoboCop arrives to capture Boddicker, Sal and many of his goons including Boddicker's gang fire on RoboCop in vain. In an intense gunfight, RoboCop kills or wounds many of Sal's thugs, Frankie who is gunned down by RoboCop accidentally kills his own boss with his machine gun.

*'''Oh, fuck you!'''
**Who: Steve Minh
**Note: Said before engaging RoboCop in a one-sided gunfight at Sal's drug factory. RoboCop kills Minh in the fight causing him to incapacitate Joe Cox who was also accompanying their boss Boddicker.

*'''I got him Clarence! I got him-!”
**Who: Leon Nash
**Note: After using a giant crane to drop a ton of scrap metal on RoboCop and incapacitating him, Leon yells and cheers, believing to have killed RoboCop. His triumph is short lived as he celebrates his successful attack and is killed mid-sentence by Officer Anne Lewis with Clarence's fallen Cobra assault rifle.

*'''''Sayonara,'' RoboCop!'''
**Who: Clarence Boddicker
**Note: Said before he is stabbed in the neck by RoboCop, killing him.

*'''Get up! I want a chopper! ''Now!'' We will walk through the roof very calmly. I will board the chopper with my hostage. Anybody tries to stop me...the old geezer gets it!''' 
**Who: Dick Jones
**Note: Said after he sees a recording of himself saying &quot;I had to kill Bob Morton because he made a mistake. Now, it's time to erase that mistake.&quot; twice, and he holds the Old Man hostage, and threatens to kill the Old Man if someone tries stopping him. But he is fired by the Old Man, causing &quot;Directive 4&quot; to be deleted, having RoboCop say &quot;Thank you,&quot; to the Old Man who elbows Jones, then Jones is shot by RoboCop and falls through a window of the OCP building to his death.

====''[[RoboCop 2]]''====
*[RoboCop: Lie still.] '''I'm cold.''' [RoboCop: You are going into shock. I will call for a medical emergency unit.] ''[RoboCop starts to turn away, but Hob grabs his hand]'' '''Wait, no. Don't leave me.''' [RoboCop: I won't leave you. Who did this?] '''It was big...bigger than you. It was Cain. I'm gonna die. You know what that's like, don't you? It really sucks.''' [RoboCop: Yes.]
**Who: Hob
**Note: Said to RoboCop, who discovers him dying from gunshot wounds after being attacked by his old boss Cain, reborn as the cyborg Robocop 2.

====''[[w:RoboCop 3|RoboCop 3]]''====
*'''In 15 seconds, everything within 20 yards of where we're standing will be atomized. We're DEAD, YOU STUPID SLAG!'''
**Who: Paul McDaggett
**Notes: The corrupt leader of the Rehabs, Paul McDaggett reminds Dr. Lazarus that the Otomo androids have a thermal fail-safe self-destruct mechanism. After he gloats they can all die together, RoboCop taunts &quot;Don't count on it, chum!&quot; then burns the Rehab leader's legs, and flies to safety with Nikko and Lazarus. However, McDaggett tries to stop the self-destruct and fails, thus he is vaporized in the blast,

===''[[The Rock (film)|The Rock]]'' (1996)===
*'''Lemme outta here, oh God! LEMME OUTTA HERE, OH GOD! LEMME OUTTA HERE!'''
**Who: Marine who dies
**Notes: During the non-lethal raid on the VX missile stockpile, a VX missile is loosened and the orbs spill out. Baxter manages to get his other comrades to safety, but this Marine who was closest is locked in the vault. He tries to call out these in vain, but dies a most painful death from the VX gas.

*'''I'll have that sidearm, sir.'''
**Who: Sgt. Crisp
**Notes: One of the rogue marines in Gen. Hummel's gang. When the plan to bluff San Francisco goes wrong, Crisp takes Darrow's side and attempts to confiscate Hummel's sidearm. He is then shot dead in the Mexican Standoff.

*'''It has been the greatest honor of my life to serve with you, General. But like he said, It's over.'''
**Who: Sgt. Baxter
**Notes: Hummel's loyal bodyguard in his Marine gang. In the Mexican Standoff with the traitors, Darrow and Frye, Baxter regretfully says this and shoots Darrow, before being shot dead.

*'''Lower lighthouse...'''
**Who: General Francis X. Hummel
**Notes: The leader of the gang of rogue marines who wanted to scare San Francisco under the threat of VX gas missiles. When he is betrayed by Darrow and Frye, Hummel is shot and badly wounded. When asked by Stanley Goodspeed where to find the final VX rocket, Hummel replies this and dies of his injuries.

*'''I don't like softass shit!''' [Goodspeed: Well I only bring that up because it's you; You're the Rocket Man.] ''[Darrow gets hit by the final rocket]'' '''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!'''
**Who: Captain Darrow
**Notes: A marine Captain in Hummel's gang who wants to takeover and poison San Francisco anyway. Confronting Goodpseed in the lower lighthouse where the final VX Rocket is located, the doctor asks if the rogue captain likes music such as Elton John's Rocket Man. Darrow simply replies this. With this distraction, Goodspeed fires the last rocket at Darrow. While the final rocket without its guidance chip or VX payload crashes into the bay, Darrow is impaled on a post outside.

*'''I'm gonna choke my million bucks outta you! YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!!'''
**Who: Captain Frye
**Notes: After Stanley Goodspeed disarms the last VX rocket, the FBI doctor has a last duel with Captain Frye, and is at a disadvantage until Goodspeed makes the traitorous marine bite a VX orb, giving him a painful death.

===''[[Rock &amp; Rule]]'' (1983)===
*'''One heart, one song. But there is no-one!!'''
**Who: Mok
**Notes: Mok was thrown down into the portal by Toad while Angel and Omar singing.

===The ''[[Rocky (film series)|Rocky]]'' film series===
====''[[Rocky III]]'' (1982)====
*'''I love ya, kid. I love ya. Your instinct...'''
**Who: Mickey Goldmill
**Note: A mentor and father figure to main character Rocky Balboa, Mickey made these his last words to him with his very last breath.

====''[[Rocky IV]]'' (1985)====
*'''You don't stop this fight, no matter what. No matter what!'''
**Who: Apollo Creed
**Note: Said to Rocky Balboa, who has just said to Creed &quot;He's killing ya. I gotta stop this thing&quot; during Creed's bout with Ivan Drago. Of Apollo's death, Drago responds with the infamous line &quot;If he dies, he dies.&quot;

===''[[The Rocky Horror Picture Show]]'' (1975)===
*''[sung]'' '''Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that Rock n Roll!'''
**Who: Eddie
**Note: Said during his song ''Hot Patootie (What Ever Happened to Saturday Night)'', after which, he notices that the movie's villain, Dr. Frank-n-Furter, is coming after him with an ice pick. He runs away from Frank, but is cornered and killed by him.

*'''No...No...NO! NO! No! NOO!!!!'''
**Who: Dr. Frank-n-Furter
**Note: After his song ''I'm Going Home'',  his servants Riff Raff and Magenta inform him that he will not join them back to Transexual. they then kill him with a laser gun.

===''[[Romeo + Juliet]]'' (1996)===
*'''A plague on both your houses.'''
**Who: Mercutio
**Note: Tybalt slashes Mercutio in the chest when Romeo tries to break up the fight.

*'''Thus with a kiss I die.'''
**Who: Romeo
**Note: Character commits suicide by taking poison after seeing Juliet in her crypt. He realizes she is alive, only too late. He dies after saying this line to Juliet. In Shakespeare's original, she does not wake until after he has died.

*'''Thy lips are warm, bastard.'''
**Who: Juliet
**Note: Although she kisses Romeo with the objective of dying from the poison on his lips, he dies presently after the kiss. In order to quicken her death, she shoots herself with Romeo's gun.

===''[[w:Runaway (1984 American film)|Runaway]]'' (1984)===
*'''That's good, Ramsay, but not good enough! Enjoy the view?'''
**Who: Dr. Charles Luther
**Note: Taunts this to his nemesis Ramsay knowing his view of the construction site may be his last. But Ramsay starts the lift struggling with the mad scientist and sends him falling close to his small, spider-like robots that fry him with their acid. Ramsay makes one final attempt to attack but fails and his robots self-destruct making doubly sure he is dead.

===''[[The Rundown]]'' (2003)===
*'''Oh...shit...'''
**Who: Corneilious Hatcher

===''[[The Running Man (1987 film)|The Running Man]]'' (1987)===
*'''Richards, I love my saw. This saw's part of me! And I'm gonna make it part of YOU!'''
**Who: Buzzsaw
**Note: Said while attempting to cut down Ben Richards with his trademark buzzsaw, but the former authoritarian cop turning Running Man turns his own weapon against him. When asked happened to him, Richards simply says &quot;He had to split.&quot;

*'''Don't wanna be the only asshole in heaven.'''
**Who: William Laughlin ([[w:Yaphet Kotto|Yaphet Kotto]])

*'''My gasline! My gasline! Cut to commercial, cut to commercial!'''
**Who: Fireball
**Note: Said after Richards disables and leaks his flamethrower gas. Richards taunt offers &quot;How 'bout a light&quot; and throws a lit flare, burning Fireball alive. Richards then gloats &quot;What a hothead.&quot;

*'''I'll show dickless!'''
**Who: Dynamo
**Note: Said while attempting to amuse himself at the expense of Amber Mendez whom he tried to molest earlier in the game zone. But Amber shoots the sprinklers and fries the electric-suited Stalker.

*'''You bastard! DROP DEAD!''' [Richards: I don't do requests.] '''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''
**Who: Damon Killian
**Note: Said after his speech about Americans loving television. After this, Richards traps him on his sled that sends contestants out to the game zone, and with no safety net the sled flies into a Cadre Cola billboard blowing up Killian as Richards quips &quot;Well, that hit the spot!&quot;

===[[w:Rush Hour (film series)|''Rush Hour'']] films===
====''[[Rush Hour]]'' (1998)====
*'''Fight like a man!'''
**Who: Sang
**Notes: Speaking to James Carter, who he had earlier attacked while they were surrounded by Sang's friends, causing Carter to label him a coward who would never fight like a man aka one-on-one. When Carter and Sang later draw guns on each other, Sang suggests they both drop their guns and have the one-on-one fight Carter had wanted, delibrately repeating the taunt Carter had used. When they both drop their guns however, Sang pulls out another one and takes a shot at Carter, who ducks and likewise pulls out another gun of his own and shoots Sang with it, killing him.

====''[[Rush Hour 2]]'' (2001)====
*'''Greed will imprison us all.'''
**Who: Steven Reign
**Note: Character is saying the morale of an old Chinese story. He is stabbed by Ricky Tan after completing this sentence.

*'''Come on!'''
**Who: Ricky Tan
**Note: Said while trying to provoke Chief Inspector Lee to shoot him. Lee is momentarily distracted by James Carter, and a struggle ensues for the gun, which ends with Tan being kicked out of a window, falling to his death.

====''[[Rush Hour 3]]'' (2007)====
*'''Goodbye Lee.'''
**Who: Kenji
**Note: Said before breaking Lee's grip on his hand and plunging to his death.

*'''Yes. And you two just killed this girl, blew her brains out.'''
**Who: Varden Reynard
**Note: Said when he intends to lie to the police that Lee and Carter had shot Genevieve/Shy Shen dead, but is shot dead himself by George the taxi driver at the last moment.

==S==
===''[[w:Saboteur (film)|Saboteur]]'' (1942)===
*'''KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!'''
**Who: Frank Fry
**Note: The titular Saboteur behind the fire. He falls from the Statue of Liberty and though Barry tries to save him so he can face justice, his grip on Fry's suit fails causing the saboteur to cry this as he falls to his death.

===''[[w:Samson and Delilah (1949 film)|Samson and Delilah]]'' (1949)===
*'''Father!'''
**Who: Semadar
**Note: Character says this during the wedding party turned to chaos when her father is hit by Targil. Targil chucks a spear and kills her instantaneously.

*'''I will not be afraid.'''
**Who: Delilah
**Note: Character says this as she takes Samson to the pillars holding the Saran's temple. Having been blessed with one final ounce of strength by God, Samson pushes the pillars with enough force to cave in the temple, killing everyone inside including himself and Delilah.

*'''My eyes have seen thy glory, o God. Now let me die with my enemies.'''
**Who: Samson
**Note: Character says this during his torture and gathers his last ounce of strength granted by God to collapse the pillars of the Saran's temple causing it to cave in and kill everyone inside including himself and Delilah.

*'''Delilah.'''
**Who: Saran of Gaza
**Note: Character says this to Delilah as Samson caves in the temple then the statue falls onto him fatally.

===''[[San Andreas (film)|San Andreas]]'' (2015)===
*'''NO! NO! Close your eyes. God!'''
**Who: Dr. Kim Park
**Note: Character says this line to his friend, Dr. Lawrence Hayes, to prevent Hayes from helping him after having got his foot impaled during an earthquake. He tells a young girl to close her eyes so she doesn't see his death. The tremor collapses the Hoover Dam, taking him with it.

*'''Here you go.'''
**Who: Daniel Riddick's Driver
**Note: Said before he begins driving Daniel and Blake through a parking garage, but an earthquake kills him.

*'''Where?'''
**Who: Security guard
**Note: Said after being informed by Daniel that Blake is trapped, but another aftershock kills the guard almost instantly.

*'''This way!'''
**Who: Larissa
**Note: Said moments before she dies among those who are in the Tate Weston building.

*'''Get out of my way!'''
**Who: Susan Riddick
**Note: Said before she falls off the Tate Weston building to her death.

*'''I'll be needing that truck.'''
**Who: A gunman
**Note: Said as he holds Ray at gunpoint to steal a truck before he does. Ray then knocks him out in two good punches and remarks &quot;Not today.&quot; Even as a second, larger earthquake strikes California later on, the gunman may not have died, and even if he did, these may not have been his last words.

*'''Get out of my way!'''
**Who: Daniel Riddick
**Note: Said during a scuffle at an earthquake shelter during an aftershock in San Francisco. He isn't seen saying any other lines afterwards, and is later killed when a tsunami causes a cargo ship to snap the Golden Gate Bridge, crushing Daniel with a container and killing everyone else on the bridge.

===''[[Saving Private Ryan]]'' (1998)===
*'''No, I'm out.'''
**Who: Corporal Henderson
**Note: In response to Mellish who asks him if he has any spare .30 caliber rounds; German soldiers shoot through the wall and a bullet hits Henderson in the throat, killing him.

*'''PARKER, GET OUT!'''
**Who: Private Daniel Jackson ([[w: Barry Pepper|Barry Pepper]])
**Note: Said right before a Panzer tank shoots the clock tower down, where Parker and Jackson were positioned.

*'''No! No! Stop, stop, stop! Just listen to me! Listen to me! No...Ack...ack...'''
**Who: Private Stanley Mellish ([[w: Adam Goldberg|Adam Goldberg]])
**Note: Last words after engaging in to hand-to-hand combat with a German soldier, then being pinned down by the soldier who slowly pushes a knife into Mellish's heart.

*'''It's a letter to my dad...it's got blood on it..'''
**Who: Private Adrian Carpazo ([[w: Vin Diesel|Vin Diesel]])
**Note: Last words after being shot by a German sniper, he tries to show Mellish his letter, telling him to send it for him. He ends up bleeding to death.

*'''Momma, momma, momma, momma...'''
**Who: Medic Irwin Wade ([[w:Giovanni Ribisi|Giovanni Ribisi]])
**Note: After being wounded by a grenade, the rest of the group tries to keep him alive but are unsuccessful.

* '''I'm all right...I just got the wind knocked out of me, that's all...'''
**Who: Technical Sergeant Mike Horvath ([[w:Tom Sizemore|Tom Sizemore]]) 
**Note: Is shot multiple times and ends up dying from his wounds.

*'''Earn this, James...earn it.'''
**Who: Captain John Miller ([[w:Tom Hanks|Tom Hanks]]) 
**Notes: Statement to Private James Ryan ([[w:Matt Damon|Matt Damon]]), whom Miller and many of his men had perished in an attempt to save. James interprets this as an exhortation to be as good of a person as he can.

===''[[Saw (franchise)|Saw]]'' series===
:''See [[last words in Saw media|last words in ''Saw'' media]].''

===''[[Scarface (1983 film)|Scarface]]'' (1983)===
*'''Callate...!''' (Shut up...!)
**Who: Alberto the Shadow ([[w: Mark Margolis|Mark Margolis]])
**Note: Said when preparing to detonate the car bomb that would kill not only the journalist seeking to expose Sosa, but also his wife and daughters. Tony Montana refuses to endanger innocents and instead shoots Alberto in the head, botching the assassination mission and thus turning his back on Sosa's drug empire. 

*'''Tony.'''
**Who: Manny Ribera ([[w: Steven Bauer|Steven Bauer]])
**Note: Said after answering the door for Tony. Tony then sees Gina is with him, and he angerly shoots him twice in the chest.

*'''Fuck me Tony, come on, just fuck me!'''
**Who: Gina Montana ([[w:Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio|Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio]])
**Note: She assumes that since Tony does not want any other man with her, he wants her all to himself. She attempts to kill Tony, but is then shot by one of Alejandro Sosa's men.

*'''No. Nooo. NOOOOOO!'''
**Who: Frank Lopez ([[w:Robert Loggia|Robert Loggia]])
**Note: After being disarmed by Tony, he begs for his life. Tony says he won't kill him, and Frank is grateful, until Tony hands the gun over to Manny and orders him to shoot him.

*'''Tony! Tony! Tonio open the...'''
**Who: Chi Chi ([[w:Ángel Salazar|Ángel Salazar]])
**Note: Unable to hold off Sosa's men, Chi Chi tries to get Tony to open the door to safety, but Tony does not answer, as he is grieving Gina's death. He is the shot by one of Sosa's men.

*'''Fuck you!'''
**Who: Mel Bernstein ([[w:Harris Yulin|Harris Yulin]])
**Note: After being exposed in being involved in a plot to kill Tony, Tony shoots him non-fatally, and Bernstein attempts to negotiate with Tony. Tony refuses, and shoots him.

*'''I'm still standin', huh! Fuck! Come on! I take your fuckin' bullet! Come on! Go ahead! I take your fuckin' bullet! You think you kill me with bullet? I take your fuckin' bullet! Go ahead!'''
**Who: Tony Montana ([[Al Pacino]])
**Note: He is shouting defiantly (under the influence of cocaine) at his would-be assassins after having been shot by them several times, and is shot in the back immediately afterwards by Sosa's deadliest assassin, The Skull.

===''[[Scary Movie]]'' (2000)===
*'''Ain't nobody stabbing me!'''
**Who: Ray
**Note: After stabbing Bobby multiple times, he is stabbed by The Killer right after saying this.

*'''You wanna take a hit of this?'''
**Who: Shorty
**Note: After being shot by Bobby in the lungs, he inhales some smoke seeping out of his wound and ask Cindy if she wants to take a puff. He then dies.

===''[[Schindler's List]]'' (1993)===
*'''Heil Hitler.'''
**Who: [[w: Amon Goeth|Amon Goeth]] ([[w: Ralph Fiennes|Ralph Fiennes]])
**Note: Goeth is about to be hung, and he smooths his hair back and says this before Russian soldiers kick the chair out.  In real-life, Goeth died the same way and spoke the same last words.

*'''It will take more then that.'''
**Who: Diana Reiter
**Note: Character says this before a Nazi shoots her in the back of the head after an argument, which resulted in her execution.

*'''I work for [[w: Oskar Schindler|Oskar Schindler]]!'''
**Who: Mr. Lowenstein (the one-armed man)
**Note: Character says this before a group of Nazis who deem that man twice as worthless shoots him to death.

===''[[The Scorpion King]]'' (2002)===
*'''It seems the gods favor me tonight, Akkadian.'''
**Who: Memnon
**Notes: Says these during the final battle between him vs. Mathayus. Contrary to Cassandra's predictions that Mathayus will be killed by an arrow fired by one of Memnon's guards, the Akkadian survives, takes the arrow that was lodged in his back and taunts &quot;Catch this!&quot; shooting the tyrannical swordsman with the arrow at exactly the same time Philos and Arpid ignite the gunpowder that begins to wreck Memnon's palace. Memnon is burned by the rising flame and falls to his death on the shields of his soldiers.

===''[[Scott Pilgrim vs. the World]]'' (2010)===
*'''This is impossible, how can this be?''' [Scott Pilgrim: Open your eyes. Maybe you'll see.]
**Who: Matthew Patel
**Notes: Last thoughts before being killed.

*'''Somebody get me my board.''' [Wallace: ''[walks into view, and taps Lucas' shoulder]'' Hi. Big fan.] ''[cracks neck]'' '''Why ''wouldn't'' you be?'''
**Who: Lucas Lee
**Note: Last words before he enters a grind skate challenge and is destroyed at the end.

*[Envy Adams: ''[Todd's hair sags]'' Oh, my God.] ''[shocked]'' '''No...No.''' [Scott Pilgrim: You once were a ve-gone, but now, you will ''be'' gone.] '''&quot;Ve-gone&quot;?'''
**Who: Todd Ingram
**Note: Said in response to Scott's line &quot;You once were ve-gone (pun on &quot;vegan&quot;), but now you will be gone.&quot; before Scott finished him off with a headbutt.

*'''You'll never...be able...to do this...to ''her!'''''
**Who: Roxanne &quot;Roxy&quot; Richter

*'''You're not cool enough for Ramona. You're zero. Nothing! Me? ''I'm'' what's hip! ''I'm'' what's happening! ''I'm'' blowing up right now!''' [Scott Pilgrim: You ''are'' blowing up. ''Right now!''] '''Scott...Pilgrim.''' ''[chuckles]'' '''You can defeat me, Scott. But can you defeat yourself?'''
**Who: Gideon Graves
**Note: First quote is last words before he is killed. Second quote is when he speaks to Scott telepathically using his glasses to create Nega-Scott.

=== ''[[Scooby-Doo]]'' film series ===
==== ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'' (2002) ====
==== ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'' (2004) ====

===''[[w:Scream and Scream Again|Scream and Scream Again]]'' (1970)===
*'''Professor. I've got all the uh, all the medical reports, analysis of blood stains, all scraps of evidence. The whole story, what there is of it. If you make anything of it, you'll let me know, will you? I've arranged for you to look them over in an office just down the hall. You won't be disturbed.''' ''[Konratz: Don't bother. I want to take them with me]'' '''Just a minute. Now you've come here with a great deal of influence, but I don't care who orders it; You can't away police evidence.''' ''[Konratz: Very well, Superintendent. Thank you.]'' '''I'll show you where the office is, just down the hall.'''
**Who: Detective Superintendent Bellaver
**Note: Said when giving evidence which Konratz intends to steal. To cover his tracks, Konratz locks the Superintendent in his lethal shoulder grip making him spew blood from his mouth and killing him in seconds.

*'''Too soon. too dangerous.'''
**Who: Konratz
**Note: Said when boiling the composite nurse Jane in the acid tank of Dr. Browning's residence. After that, he replies &quot;You've turned every scientific advance into a weapon. You won't have me or my work!&quot; then the two fight with superhuman strength clashing with one another. First the doctor beats him with an oxygen tank, breaks off Konratz's left hand and boils him in the acid.

*'''He tried to destroy all of this. He thought we'd been careless in letting my work go too far. He was evil. He made me realize that we aren't perfect yet, that we could be corrupted by too much power. So we must find all of the others who may have gone bad and destroy them before it's too late.'''
**Who: Dr. Browning
**Note: Explains these after killing Konratz to Fremont who may be a superhuman composite. Fremont simply replies &quot;It is too late now.&quot; and forces the superhuman doctor to boil himself in the acid.

===''[[w:The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising|The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising]]'' (2007)===
*'''Give me the sign, Will!!'''
**Who: Maggie
**Note: She then disintegrates into dust after failing to obtain the fifth sign from Will.

===''[[w:A Serbian Film|A Serbian Film]]'' (2010)===
*'''To je film!'''
**Translation: That's film!
**Who: Vukmir
**Note: Character coerced Miloš into doing extremely unspeakable acts with own wife and son, which leads Miloš to kill him.

===''[[Serial Mom]]'' (1994)===
*'''No, wait! Fashion has changed!'''
**Who: Juror #8
**Note: Spoken at a courthouse payphone while being confronted by acquitted serial killer Beverly Sutphin for wearing white shoes after Labor Day. Sutphin responds, &quot;No, it hasn't,&quot; before beating Juror #8 to death with a phone receiver.

===''[[Serenity (film)|Serenity]]'' (2005)===
*'''I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I-'''
**Who: Hoban 'Wash' Washburne
**Note: Wash has successfully flown a damaged Serenity through a battle between Alliance and Reaver ships, referring to himself as a leaf on the wind the entire time and landed it relatively safely, only to be impaled through the chest by shrapnel from a pursuing Reaver ship.

*'''Can't order me around, boy...I'm not one of your crew...'''
**Who: Shepherd Derrial Book
**Note: Book has shot down the Alliance ship which attacked him and his friends on Haven, but is dying after being shot himself.

*'''I don't care what you believe in, just believe it. Whatever you...'''
**Who: [[w:Derrial Book|Shepherd Derrial Book]] 

*'''They can't stop the signal, Mal. They can never stop the signal.'''
**Who: Mr. Universe
**Note: The message with instructions for Mal is being relayed through Mr. Universe's lovebot wife, after Mr Universe has long since been stabbed by the Operative.

===''[[Se7en (film)|Se7en]]'' (1995)===
*'''Oh...he didn't know.'''
**Who: John Doe ([[w: Kevin Spacey|Kevin Spacey]])
**Note: Said after he reveals that Detective Mills wife, whom he has killed, was pregnant, which Mills didn't know about. Mills is overcome with grief and rage and then shoots Doe to death.

===''[[The Seventh Seal]]'' (1957)===
*'''No loopholes?'''
**Who: Jonas Skat
**Note: Said while desperately negotiating with the character Death; Death ignores the question and proceeds to fell the tree in which Skat has climbed.

*'''It is finished.'''
**Who: Girl
**Note: The character's last, and only, lines, spoken before being taken by Death along with her other companions.

===''[[Shanghai Knights]]'' (2003)===
*'''How disappointing.'''
**Who: Lord Nelson Rathbone
**Note: Said to Chon Wang after defeating him in a sword duel. Chon asks for a sword again, and then cuts the ropes supporting the walkway they are on, throwing Rathbone out the front of Big Ben to his death.

===''[[Shanghai Noon]]'' (2000)===
*'''How the hell did that happen?'''
**Who: Marshall Van Cleef
**Notes: Comment made after being hit by a miracle shot by Roy O'Bannon.

*'''Now it's time for you to die.'''
**Who: Lo Fong
**Note: Said to Chon Wang before he kicks out the supports on a bell in the church, the rope having been wrapped around Fong's neck. He is hung when the bell falls and the rope drags him upwards.

===''[[Shark Tale]]'' (2004)===
*'''Moron...'''
**Who: Frankie
**Notes: The character just got an anchor to his head. As he lays dying, he tells his brother Lenny that he feels cold. Lenny then makes a crack about him being cold-blooded. He slaps Lenny in the face and says this line before dying.

===''[[Shaun of the Dead]]'' (2004)===
*'''Now, I have a splitting headache, and your stupid hip hop isn't helping. And the front door is open...AGAIN!'''
**Who: Pete
**Notes: Unbeknownst to Ed and Shaun it's the last thing he says before he dies and is resurrected by a zombie. Having been bitten by one on the way home from work. During the climatic scene he is shot in the head by Shaun.

*'''Being a father, it's not easy.''' [Shaun: What?] '''You were 12 when I met you, already grown up so much. I just wanted you to be strong and not give up because you lost your dad.''' [Shaun: Philip, you don't have to explain...] '''No, I do. I always loved you, Shaun. And I always thought you had it in you to do well. You just need...m-motivation. Somebody to look up to and...I thought it could be me. Would you just...take care of your mum? There's a good boy.'''
**Who: Phillip
**Notes: Right before he dies from a zombie bite and resurrected as one. He is Shaun's stepfather, and Shaun had gotten along poorly with him in the past.

*'''It's been a funny sort of day, hasn't it?'''
**Who: Barbara
**Notes: Dies from a zombie bite wound, and when she reanimates, her son Shaun blasts her head apart with a [[w:Winchester rifle|Winchester rifle]].

*'''Shaun, I...No! No! NO!'''
**Who: David
**Notes: About to apologize to Shaun for making him shoot his own mother, is then dragged through a window and disembowled by zombies.

*'''Gay!'''
**Who: Ed
**Notes: After being bitten by a zombified Pete as well as another zombie, he is taken to the basement below the Winchester pub by Shaun and his ex-girlfriend. After a conversation with them he decides to stay behind and take on the remaining zombies while the two escape.

===''[[The Shawshank Redemption]]'' (1994)===
*'''Dear fellas, I can't believe how fast things move on the outside. I saw an automobile once when I was a kid, but now they're everywhere. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry. The parole board got me into this halfway house called &quot;The Brewer&quot; and a job bagging groceries at the Foodway. It's hard work and I try to keep up, but my hands hurt most of the time. I don't think the store manager likes me very much. Sometimes after work, I go to the park and feed the birds. I keep thinking Jake might just show up and say hello, but he never does. I hope wherever he is, he's doin' okay and makin' new friends. I have trouble sleepin' at night. I have bad dreams like I'm falling. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am. Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Foodway so they'd send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it, sort of like a bonus. I guess I'm too old for that sort of nonsense any more. I don't like it here. I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I've decided not to stay. I doubt they'll kick up any fuss. Not for an old crook like me.'''
**Who: Brooks Hatlen
**Notes: Brooks, who has been a prisoner in Shawshank for over 40 years, has had much difficulty adjusting to a normal life. His last words are heard as a voiceover in a letter to his inmate friends, before he hangs himself.

*'''Just gimme that chance.'''
**Who: Tommy Williams
**Notes: Warden Norton asks Tommy if he would testify in Andy Dufrane's defense and prove him innocent. When Tommy replied that he would help his friend, the warden, whose money laundering schemes depended on Andy's silence, ordered one of his guards to shoot Tommy.

===''[[w:Shiri (film)|Shiri]]'' (1998)===
*'''You know where Hee is right now? She's in the audience, laughing at you!'''
**Who: Park Mu-young
**Notes: The leader of the North Korean terrorists. At the soccer game, he and his gang activate the lights which will detonate the CTX bomb and kill the leaders as well as civilians. As he and Jong-won fight over the light switch, he says this about Lee Bang-hee/Myung-hyun who's seated in the audience. Sik eventually kills the terrorist with a gunshot and Jong-won shuts the lights off.

*'''Out of the way!'''
**Who: Lee Myung-hyun / Lee Bang-hee
**Notes: A fish and aquarium store owner who turns out to be a North Korean spy. With the plan to detonate the CTX bomb on the Korean leaders a failure, Myung-hyun races after the VIPs shouting this to get civilians out of the way. After this, she shoots through some SWAT officers, and is confronted by Jong-won. She fires a shot, but fails to kill the VIPs and Jong-won shoots her dead.

===''[[w:Showdown in Little Tokyo|Showdown in Little Tokyo]]''===
*'''You too believe in faith, don't you, Kenner?!'''
**Who: Funekei Yoshida
**Notes: Says this before engaging Sgt. Chris Kenner in an intense sword fight during a local parade in Little Tokyo. Yoshida is a formidable opponent but the fight ends with Kenner running Yoshida through and saying &quot;This is for my parents!&quot; avenging the former's murdered parents. He traps Yoshida on Catherine wheel fireworks which ignite and burn him alive.

===''[[w:Shrek (franchise)|Shrek]]'' franchise===
====''[[Shrek]]'' (2001)====
*'''I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll ''beg'' for death to save you!''' [Fiona: No! Shrek!] '''And as for ''you,'' my wife...''' [Shrek: Fiona!] '''...I'll have you locked back in that tower ''FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS! I AM KING!''''' ''[Shrek whistles for Dragon]'' '''''I WILL HAVE ORDER! I WILL HAVE PERFECTION! I WILL HAVE--!''''' ''[Dragon crashes through window and roars]'' '''''AAAAAAH!''''' ''[Dragon eats him whole]'' '''''AAH--!''''' ''[Dragon swallows Farquaad]'' [Donkey: All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. ''[Dragon roars]'' I'm a donkey on the edge! ''[Dragon belches, and Farquaad's crown falls out.]'' ''[laughs]'' Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?]
**Who: Lord Farquaad
**Notes: Farquaad had just married Princess Fiona, making him a king. He threatened to kill Shrek and imprison Fiona, prompting the ogre to summon Dragon, Donkey's girlfriend. The massive dragon proceeded to swallow Farquaad whole. Though he appears alive in the dragon's stomach during the &quot;Sing-Along&quot; at the end of the film, this is not considered canon. His ghost does appear in the Universal Studios attraction Shrek 4-D, however.

====''[[Shrek 2]]'' (2004)====
*'''Harold! You were supposed to give her the potion!''' [King Harold: ''[smugly]'' Well, I guess I gave her the wrong tea.] [Charming: Mommy! ''[snatches wand from Puss]''] [Fiona: &quot;Mommy&quot;?] ''[grabs the wand and growls]'' '''I told you, ogres don't live ''HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!''''' ''[shoots killing beam toward Shrek]'' [Queen Lillian: ''[alarmed]'' Harold!] [Fiona: Shrek!] ''[King Harold yells as he jumps in front of beam, deflecting it back to Fairy Godmother]'' ''[screams]'' '''Ooh! ''HA!''''' ''[disintegrates into bubbles]''
**Who: Fairy Godmother
**Notes: Character attempts to shoot Shrek with magic from her wand after he thwarts her attempt to have Fiona fall in love with her son, Prince Charming. However, the king jumps in front of him; while the magic turns him into a frog, his armor deflects the shot at the Fairy Godmother, disintegrating her.

====''[[Shrek the Third]]'' (2007)====
*'''Now, there is a matter of business to attend to.''' ''[wheezes and passes out]'' [Puss: The frog king...is dead.]
*'''Aside from you, there is only one remaining heir.''' [Shrek: Really? Who is he, Dad?] '''His name is...is...''' [Shrek: What's his name? What's his '''''name?'''''] '''''is--''''' ''[wheezing]'' [Fiona: Daddy!]  ''[coughs up and passes out]''
*'''His name is Arthur.''' [Shrek: Arthur?] '''I know...you'll do...what's right.''' ''[He's sick]'' [Queen Lillian: ''[emotionally]'' Harold?] [Shrek: Dad? Dad! ''[King Harold doesn't respond; ears droop]'' Dad?] [Donkey: ''[sees King Harold is sick; to Puss, emotionally]'' Do your thing, man.]
**Who: King Harold
**Notes: Character is ill and tells Shrek to find his nephew as an alternative candidate for the throne. The first two is the King choking up and that creates tension that Puss takes off his hat each time he passes out, thinking he is truly sick, and Fiona weeps heavily.

*'''Mommy?'''
**Who: Prince Charming
**Notes: Said as he looks up at a tower that is falling on him. His mother was Fairy Godmother, who was dead.

====''[[Shrek Forever After]]'' (2010)====
*'''Do you know what the best part is? I got the chance to fall in love with you all over again.'''
**Who: Shrek
**Notes: Character ceases to exist after his day in the world where he was never born ends. However, Fiona gives him True Love's Kiss, and he is revived in the normal world.

*'''No! No, no, no, no, no! I'm not ready! No! Wait!'''
**Who: Rumpelstiltskin
**Note: Rumpelstiltskin ceases to exist in gold dust; However, he revives in the ending credits where he gets trapped.

===''[[The Silence of the Lambs (film)|The Silence of the Lambs]]'' (1991)===
*'''Sure, you can use my phone.'''
**Who: [[w:Buffalo Bill (The Silence of the Lambs)|Jame Gumb]]

===''[[w:Silent Night, Deadly Night|Silent Night, Deadly Night]] series''===
====''Silent Night, Deadly Night'' (1984)====
* '''What's the problem?'''
** Who: Jim Chapman (Geoff Hansen)
** Notes: Said to the Killer Santa, who then tries to carjack the Chapmans at gunpoint. Jim tries turning the car around, but the Killer Santa fatally shoots him before he can escape.

* '''JIM! GO!'''
** Who: Ellie Chapman (Tara Buckman)
** Notes: After the Killer Santa points his gun at the Chapmans, Ellie shouts at Jim to drive away. After he's shot dead, the Killer Santa drags Ellie from the car and tries to rape her, but ends up slitting her throat after she tries to fight him off.

* '''You little tease!'''
** Who: Andy (Randy Stumpf)
** Notes: Said during an attempt to sexually assault Pamela, which brings back traumatic memories of the death of Billy's mother, and results in Billy strangling Andy to death with a set of Christmas lights.

* '''God, you're crazy!''' [Billy: Stop it, Pamela.] '''You bastard! You're crazy! Get the hell away from-'''
** Who: Pamela (Toni Nero)
** Notes: After witnessing Andy's death, a horrified Pamela insults and tries to attack Billy, who kills her with a box cutter for her ingratitude.

* '''Anybody in here? Sims, you're drunk, you're hearing things. Yoo-hoo!'''
** Who: Ira Sims (Britt Leach)
** Notes: Sims, suspecting that Andy and Pamela are having sex, tries calling out for them, only to be beaten to death with a hammer by Billy for drinking and making him dress like Santa.

* '''Mr. Sims, are you hiding in there?'''
** Who: Mrs. Randall (Nancy Borgenicht)
** Notes: The drunken Mrs. Randall calls out to Mr. Sims, but finds him dead with a hammer buried in his skull. After being stalked through the store she disarms Billy, who nonetheless kills her by shooting an arrow through her heart.

* '''There you are, you bad kitty!'''
** Who: Denise (Linnea Quigley)
** Notes: After calling in her family's cat, Denise is attacked by Billy for having premarital sex, and eventually impaled on a set of deer antlers.

* '''Operator? Operator, I need the police.'''
** Who: Tommy (Leo Geter)
** Notes: Upon finding the corpse of Denise, whom he was having sex with, Tommy initially manages to fight off Billy, but before the police can arrive Billy returns and throws Tommy out of a window, causing the combination of the fall and impalement on glass shards to kill him.

* '''That's beautiful. Alright, now watch this!'''
** Who: Mac (Richard C. Terry)
** Notes: Having stolen a sledge from a younger boy, Mac starts to follow his friend Bob down the kill, but Billy jumps out and decapitates him with an axe for his act of theft.

* '''I'm sorry. I'm going to check out the grounds. In the meantime, you make sure everyone stays locked up inside. Don't let anyone come in unless you know exactly who it is.'''
** Who: Officer Barnes (Max Robinson)
** Notes: After unwittingly killing a deaf priest whom he mistook for Billy, Barnes apologizes to Mother Superior for the mix-up, before warning her that Billy's still on the loose. Barnes is later killed by Billy with an axe to his chest.

* '''You're safe now. Santa Claus... is... gone.'''
** Who: Billy Chaptman (Robert Brian Wilson)
** Notes: Having been fatally shot moments before he could kill Mother Superior, Billy says this to the children at the orphanage where he grew up, before dying from his wounds.

====''Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2'' (1987)====
* '''Fuck this! I'm getting a beer.'''
** Who: Eddie (Randall Boffman)
** Notes: After his date fights off an attempt to sexually assault her, Eddie grabs a beer from his car, which Ricky then hijacks and drives over Eddie until he dies.

* '''What are you looking at, kid? Get out of my way. Ooh, you're really asking for it!'''
** Who: Loan Shark (Frank Novak)
** Notes: Said to Ricky, who has just witnessed the loan shark beat up a customer for not repaying him on time. Ricky in turn beats up the loan shark, then fatally impales him with an umbrella.

* '''Falling for me again, huh? And you-'''
** Who: Chip (Ken Weichert)
** Notes: Jennifer tries to break up an argument between Chip and Ricky, but loses her footing and falls to the ground. After making this quip, Chip is grabbed by Ricky, who attaches a car battery to his tongue and electrocutes him until his eyes explode.

* '''I hate you, Ricky! I hate you!''' [Ricky: Punish!] '''Uh-oh!'''
** Who: Jennifer (Elizabeth Kaitan)
** Notes: On witnessing Ricky's killing Chip, Jennifer angrily yells at Ricky, angering him into killing her by strangling her with a car aerial.

* '''Now, I don't wanna have to hurt you. All I'm gonna do is slip these cuffs on you. And no funny stuff! I know how to use this.'''
** Who: Police Officer (Kenneth McCabe)
** Notes: The officer, after happening on the scene of Ricky's murders of Chip and Jennifer, holds him at gunpoint and tries to arrest him, but Ricky grabs his gun and shoots him dead.

* [Ricky: GARBAGE DAY!] '''Huh? NO!'''
** Who: Bystander
** Notes: Ricky, who is on a murder spree with the cop's stolen gun, calls this out on seeing a bystander taking out his trash, before fatally shooting him through the trash can.

* '''Who is this?'''
** Who: Dr. Henry Bloom (James L. Newman)
** Notes: Dr. Bloom says this while handing a photo of Jennifer to Ricky. Bloom is later killed off-camera by Ricky, who strangles him to death with some audio tape.

* '''Well, hello there, big fella? How'd you like to give a little something to Santa?'''
** Who: Salvation Army Santa (Harvey Genkins)
** Notes: The Santa unwisely tries to solicit a donation from Ricky, who kills him and steals his Santa outfit.

* '''I am your Mother Superior, and I raised you from a child. I order you to put that weapon down and take your punishment.''' [Ricky: No more punishment.] '''You are being very, very naughty!''' [Ricky: NAUGHTY THIS!]
** Who: Mother Superior (Jean Miller)
** Notes: Wheelchair-bound and unable to flee, Mother Superior tries tapping into Ricky's childhood conditioning to make him put down his axe for long enough to stab him to death. The attempt fails, and Ricky decapitates her.

====''Silent Night, Deadly Night Part III: Better Watch Out!'' (1989)====
* '''What the fuck? Easy boy, you're not well! Hey, listen Ricky, the bit about the broccoli, I was just kidding. Seriously, want a drink? No! No! NOOOO!'''
** Who: Danny (Monte Hellman)
** Notes: Danny, who is the hospital's Santa for the year, is cornered by Ricky, who has just woken up from his coma, and then kills Danny for insulting him while he was apparently comatose.

* '''Yes? Can I help you?'''
** Who: Receptionist (Isabel Cooley)
** Notes: Said to Ricky, after he wanders by the reception in search of Laura. The red flower she wears on her uniform sets off Ricky's murderous impulses, and he cuts her throat with a letter opener.

* '''What happened to you, man? Did you get a head transplant?'''
** Who: Truck Driver (Carlos Palomino)
** Notes: The driver, having picked up Ricky as a hitch-hiker, questions the glass dome and visible brain on his head. Ricky then kills him and hijacks his truck.

* '''Is it live, or is it Memorex?'''
** Who: Chris Anderson (Eric Da Re)
** Notes: Chris, having seemingly been killed in an earlier scene, re-appears and tries to shoot Ricky dead, but Ricky survives his wound and crushes Chris's throat with the rifle, killing him.

* '''Lieutenant. Don't... be... stupid.'''
** Who: Dr. Newbury (Richard Beymer)
** Notes: Having been fatally wounded by Ricky in an earlier scene, Newbury says this to Lt. Connelly before dying from his wound.

===''[[The Simpsons Movie]]'' (2007)===
*'''Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.'''
**Who: [[w:Mike Dirnt|Mike Dirnt]]
**Notes: The real-life member of [[w:Green Day|Green Day]] says this after the barge that he and the other band members were playing on is dissolved by the sludge in Lake Springfield, sending all of them to their deaths. They then take out violins, and play them in place of their normal instruments. Both the line and the incident itself are parodies of the band that played on the [[w:RMS Titanic|RMS ''Titanic'']] as it sank.

*'''Oh, I don't know what to do! If I stay, I'm trapped, if I leave, I'm alone! Oh, God! In! Out! In! Out! I never saw Venice! I-'''
**Who:  Unnamed Man
**Note: As Springfield is getting encased in a giant glass dome, one man contemplates in a worried rush of whether or not he should leave the dome.  As he says this, the giant dome crushes him.

*'''Bye, everybody!'''
**Who: Dr. Nick Rivera
**Notes: After the dome is destroyed, Chief Wiggum mentions that nobody was hurt in the ordeal. He then looks around to see Dr. Nick crushed under a giant chunk of glass. His last words are a take-off on his usual catchprase (&quot;Hi, everybody!&quot;).

*'''Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.'''
**Who: Russ Cargill
**Notes: Said as he prepares to shoot Homer with a shotgun. Before he can fire, Maggie drops a rock on him. May not have died, but was not seen or referenced for the rest of the movie.

===''[[Sin City (film)|Sin City]]'' (2005)=== 
*'''While you're at it, ask yourself if that corpse of a slut is worth dying for.'''
**Who: Priest
**Notes: Marv is attempting to solve Goldie's murder. He speaks to the priest, and then kills him by shooting him, presumably because he insulted Goldie, who Marv had loved, internally replying &quot;Worth dying for. Worth killing for. Worth going to hell for. Amen.&quot;

*'''No, don't shoot. Please, listen to me. I'm his parole officer. He's unconscious and unarmed. So there's no need to kill him.'''
**Who: Lucille
**Notes: Character is surrendering to the police, referring to the unconsious Marv. She mistakenly believes that the police think that Marv is a murderer, but in reality, they have been corrupted by the real murderer, a powerful man named Roark who has ordered them to kill Marv and frame him for the murders Roark has committed. To elimanate any witnesses to Marv's murder, the corrupt police captain kills Lucille by shooting her, and is later killed in vengeance by Marv, who came round in time to witness Lucille's murder from afar.

*'''Kevin, we're going home.'''
**Who: Cardinal Patrick Henry Roark
**Notes: Spoken to the head of Kevin, who has already been killed by Marv for murdering Goldie, as ordered by Roark. He is then killed by Marv as well.

*'''Is that the best you can do, you pansies?'''
**Who: Marv
**Notes: Marv was being wrongly executed via the electric chair for the murders of some prostitutes that were actually killed by Kevin and Roark, as well as for the murders of Kevin and Roark themselves (the latter two actually were killed by Marv in vengeance for what they had done, as one of their victims had been his lover Goldie). After the first attempt failed, Marv uttered this insult, knowing that his executionors knew he was innocent, (they'd been corrupted by a powerful US senator who was Roark's brother) and died of another shock.

*'''Someone should've told you: never give an Irishman a good cause for revenge.'''
**Who: Brian
**Notes: The hitman is about to do away with Dwight when he is killed by 'deadly little Miho. 

*'''Can't see...I can't see...I can't hear anything.'''
**Who: Jack &quot;Jackie Boy&quot; Rafferty
**Notes: Jack has fired a gun with a blocked barrel, causing it to backfire and embedding the barrel in his head. He is then 'finished' by the sword-wielding Miho, who &quot;makes a [[w:Pez|Pez]] dispenser out of him.&quot;

*'''No! McCarthy, you shit!'''
**Who: Manute
**Notes: Spoken before being gunned down along with many others after being tricked by his men.

*'''Here it comes, it's gonna hurt.'''
**Who: Roark Junior (The Yellow Bastard)
**Notes: Roark approaches Hartigan holding a large hunting knife, but is himself stabbed instead. Hartigan then proceeds to castrate Roark and beat him until he is &quot;pounding wet chunks of bone into the floorboards.&quot;

*'''An old man dies, a young woman lives. Fair trade. I love you, Nancy.'''
**Who: Hartigan
**Notes: Character had killed the serial killing son of a powerful US senator in order to protect Nancy, who he had fallen in love with despite him being old enough to be her grandfather, much to his own disgust. However, when he realizes that the senator in question will now come after Nancy in order to hurt Hartigan for killing his son, he decides to committ suicide to make sure this doesn't happen.

===''[[w:Six Shooter (film)|Six Shooter]]'' (2004)===
*'''I didn't hit one of them. That was fucking woeful shooting. Fucking woeful like, you know, like? Do you know what I mean, like, like, like, just...fucking woeful.'''
**Who: The boy
**Notes: The boy was just involved in a shoot-out with police. It was revealed moments before that he had shot his mother before the events of the film began.

===''[[The Sixth Sense]]'' (1999)===
*'''It doesn't even hurt anymore...'''
*'''Good night, sweetheart.'''
**Who: Malcolm Crowe
**Notes: Vincent Gray, a disturbed patient who &quot;saw dead people&quot;, blamed Crowe for not being able to &quot;fix&quot; him. He extracted his revenge by breaking in and shooting him. The top words are his last words while alive. The second are what his spirit says to his wife just before he crosses over into the next world.

===''[[Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow]]'' (2004)===
*'''Promise...'''
**Who: Dr. Walter Jennings

*'''Forgive me.'''
**Who: Dr. Totenkopf
**Notes: Not the characters spoken last words. He had died 20 years before the events of the movie, after setting in motion a doomsday plot that could not be stopped. A note with &quot;Forgive me&quot; scrawled on it was found in his corpses hand.

===''Sleepers'' (1996)===
*'''You two motherfuckers are going to burn in Hell. You're going to burn in Hell.'''
**Who: Sean Nokes
**Notes: Said to Tommy Marcano and John Riley when he realizes that the two of them have come to kill him. Riley responds &quot;Yeah, after you,&quot; and he and Marcano gun proceed to gun down Nokes.

===''[[Sleepy Hollow (film)|Sleepy Hollow]]'' (1999)===
*'''Come out, devil.'''
**Who: Jonathan Masbeth

*'''Oh, my god!'''
**Who: Magistrate Philipse

*'''Your four friends played you false. We were devilishly possessed by one who...'''
**Who: Dr. Thomas Lancaster
**Notes: As he is about to reveal the true mastermind behind the Headless Horseman killings and manipulating Baltus' company, Reverend Steenwyck takes a wooden cross and cracks the doctor's skull with it.

*'''There is a conspiracy here, and I will shake it out!'''
**Who: Baltus Van Tassel
**Notes: Says this line before being harpooned out of a church by the Headless Horseman.

*'''There! Take her! She's yours!'''
**Who: Lady Van Tassel
**Notes: Says this by holding Katrina Van Tassel so that the Headless Horseman may kill her. However, she is subdued by Young Masbeth. When she comes to her senses soon afterwards, the Headless Horseman, his head restored to him and thus freed from a curse she cast on him, returns to Hell, taking Lady Van Tassel with him.

===''[[w:Sleuth (1972 film)|Sleuth]]''===
*'''Andrew? Don't forget. Be sure and tell them...it was just...a bloody game...'''
**Who: Milo Tindle
**Notes: After a game of wits with Andrew Wyke, Milo Tindle prepares to depart, but is fatally shot. After this, the cops begin assembling outside Wyke's home. Milo gives this reminder, then laughs hysterically as he activates Andrew's audio animatronics before collapsing dead.

===''[[Slumdog Millionaire]]'' (2008)===
*'''God is Great.'''
**Who: Salim Malik
**Notes: Salim had been shot multiple times after shooting the gangster Javind. He says this before dying.

*'''Maman can make an exception.'''
**Who: Maman
**Notes: Says this to Salim after Salim has him held at gunpoint and claims that Maman will not keep quiet about it. He says this, and Salim responds 'Can't take that risk,' before shooting him in the head.

===''[[Small Soldiers]]'' (1998)===
*'''It's only the flesh wound, sir.''' [Major Chip Hazard: Rest easy. You've done your job.] '''Did...we win?''' ''[dies]'' [Major Chip Hazard: We will.] 
*Who: Nick Nitro
**Note: Said with Major Chip Hazard by his side, after being mortally injured during a battle against the Gorgonites. Major Hazard vows &quot;We will.&quot;

*'''There will be no mercy!'''
*Who: Major Chip Hazard
**Notes: Said after the EMP (Electromagnetic Pulse) hits him and the commandos.

===''[[Smokin' Aces]]'' (2006)===
*'''My name is Vitoli, how can I be of assistance?'''
**Who: Vitoli
**Notes: Lazlo Soot has Vitoli say this so he can record it and replicate his voice. Soot also records himself shooting and killing Vitoli after he complies.

*'''You open the fucking door.'''
**Who: Hugo
**Notes: Was killed by hitman Lazlo Soot, who later replicated his face as a disguise. The line was said when Hugo was trying to contact a hotel butler whom Soot had already murdered.

*'''Okay, okay. Enough! Now basically there are-'''
**Who: Jack Dupree
**Notes: Dupree was cut off by loud heavy metal music while explaining to his team how they will kidnap Buddy Israel. He and his partners are then shot to death by the Tremor Brothers.

*'''Well, quit acting like someone took a shit in your cereal bowl. Reed paid us 50 grand.'''
**Who: &quot;Pistol&quot; Pete Deeks
**Notes: There was an obscure arguement between him and his partner Hollis after the line but it was cut off by Jack Dupree. Pete, Jack and Hollis were each shot seconds later by the Tremors.

*'''Am I really dying?'''
**Who: Bill Security Supervisor
**Notes: Was killed by Pasqual Acosta in order to obtain a disguise. Acosta answered this line saying &quot;Yeah, William. We're all dying.&quot;

*'''Oh, hell no, dog, you didn't just do that.'''
**Who: Beanie
**Notes: Beanie thought that Lazlo Soot was fellow bodyguard Hugo, who was killed earlier. Beanie said this line after Soot shot him in the back, he then finished him with multiple shots to the chest.

*'''A complete shutdown of all of our elevators, sir? No, that kind of protocol can only be allowed by someone in my position, sir.'''
**Who: Pasqual Acosta
**Notes: While disguised as Bill, Acosta was found out while he and agent Carruthers were in the same elevator. The tension was broke when a Acosta's radio reported the real Bill's death and the two unloaded their guns on one another. He was later shot again by Agent Messner and Carruthers when attempting to kill Georgia Sykes. As he was alive at the end of the movie, these may not be his last words.

*'''Mortal. Mortal.'''
**Who:Agent Donald Carruthers
**Notes: He said this later after he and Pasqual Acosta shot each other. After he and his partner Messner finished Acosta off, Messner asked him how bad his wounds were to which he said this line. He died shortly later while Messner screamed for help.

*'''LESTER!'''
**Who: Jeeves Tremor
**Notes: He and his neo nazi brothers were killing all of Buddy Israel's guards before the last, Sir Ivy, killed Lester Tremor. After Jeeves said this line he tried to kill Ivy in anger but was shot in the legs and fell on his own chainsaw.

*'''I fucked up. I fucked up.'''
**Who: Sharice Watters
**Notes: Line was said after Sharice thought her partner and crush, Georgia Sykes was killed, to which she started killing agents. Later after she found out Georgia was still alive, FBI agents ambushed and presumably shot her.

*'''I'm real sorry about...about all that. Shit gets, shit gets wild and crazy, and fate just, just up and fucks you for no good reason. You know, ha, ha, it's the way of the world. Its the way its always gonna be. All right, then. Peace, bro'.'''
**Who: Darwin Tremor
**Notes: He had just escaped the hotel and tried to get to his car, only to be confronted by Hollis Elmore, whom was thought to be dead (shot by Darwin and his brothers). Hollis first steals Darwin's car keys and lets him go, but shoots him out of spite as he walks away. This line was said in response to seeing the hand on which Hollis' fingers were shot off.

*'''Forgive me.'''
**Who: Buddy &quot;Aces&quot; Israel
**Notes: Character went into cardiac arrest after selling out his friends and being left for dead by the FBI. This line was said to Lazlo Soot, whom he thought to be Hugo. Later that night he and his father Primo Sparazza were killed by a vengeful Agent Messner.

===''[[Snakes on a Plane]]'' (2006)===
'''Good luck.'''
**Who: Agent John Sanders

===''[[Snatch (film)|Snatch]]'' (2000)===
*'''Almost...had it.'''
**Who: Boris 'The Blade' / 'The Bullet Dodger' Yurinov (Rade Serbedzija)
**Notes: Character has been shot about eight times and still is defiant. The next shot finishes him off.

*'''Gimme a fuckin' shooter!'''
**Who: 'Brick Top' Pulford (Alan Ford)

*'''Well, thank God for that.'''
**Who: 'Bullet-Tooth' Tony (Vinnie Jones)
**Notes: Character is accidentally shot moments later.

=== ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' film series ===
==== ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog (film)|Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' (2020) ====
* '''Goodbye, Sonic.'''
**Who: Longclaw the Owl
**Note: Character says this line while shielding Sonic from a tribe of echidnas after he enters a ring portal to Earth, before it closes. Longclaw is never seen in the film since (most of which takes place ten years after this scene), so she may not have died, and even if she did, these may not have been her last words.

==== ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog 2]]'' (2022) ====

==== ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog 3]]'' (2024) ====
* '''Sonic... Take this.''' ('''Sonic''': ''What is it?'') '''A key, to the most powerful weapon GUN has ever built. You're the only I trust to keep it safe.'''
**Who: Commander Walters
**Note: Character says this line while giving Sonic a key-card (one of two for GUN's Eclipse Cannon) after being fatally wounded by a swarm of Dr Robotnik's drones (which had been hijacked by Gerald Robotnik to lure Ivo out of hiding).

* '''Grandchildren. All of the fun and none of the responsibility.''' ('''Ivo''': ''Who said life was pointless?'') '''Huh?''' ('''Ivo''': ''Oh, right… you did!'')
**Who: Professor Gerald Robotnik
**Note: Character says this line after knocking his grandson, Ivo, off the Eclipse Cannon. However, Tails and Knuckles rescue Ivo, who then pokes him in the rear-end with Sonic's quill (which is energized by Sonic's Super Sonic form), sending him flying into the Cannon's reactor core, where he is vaporized by the wave of Shadow's Chaos Energy.

* '''Stone... You were more than a sycophant to me. You were… a syco-friend. I'll miss your lattes with steamed Austrian goat milk… I love the way you make 'em! So, I guess there's only one thing left to say! Bzzt, bzzt, bzzt! It's been a real drag! Thanks for nothing.'''
**Who: Dr. Ivo Robotnik
**Note: Character says this line while making a final broadcast, acknowledging his henchman, Agent Stone, as his only friend, while he is moving the Eclipse Cannon away from Earth as it overloads.

=== ''Sony's Marvel Universe'' ===
====''[[Venom (film)|Venom]]''====
*'''Where'd it go?! Where is it?!'''
** Who: Isaac
** Note: Said after a symbiote centers his body before it eats him from the inside.
*'''Eddie! It's me! Let me out! Please! Let me out! Let me out! Out!'''
**Who: Maria
**Note: Said before the Venom symbiote kills her and transfers itself onto Eddie.
*'''No! No, no!'''
**Who: Dora Skirth
**Note: Said after Carlton Drake deploys a symbiote to kill her as punishment for letting Eddie Brock inside
*[Eddie Brock: Karma is a bitch.] '''I don't believe in karma.'''
** Who: Roland Treece
** Note: While interrogating Brock in a forest about where the Venom Symbiote is, Treece says these words before he is attacked by Venom (bonded by Anne Weying), who bites his head off.

* '''Traitor!''' [Venom: Have a nice life!]
** Who: Riot
** Note: Riot merged with Carlton Drake with the purpose of using a Life Foundation space probe to collect the rest of the symbiotes and bring them to Earth. While preparing his spaceship, Riot battles Venom. Riot has the upper hand until Venom ruptures the spaceship's fuel tank, causing an explosion which kills both Riot and Drake.
*''('''Venom''': &quot;You come in here, again... in fact, you go anywhere in this city, preying on innocent people, and we will find you and eat both your arms, and then both of your legs, and then we will eat your face right off your head. Do you understand?&quot;)'' Please... ''('''Venom''': &quot;Yes. So, you will be this armless, legless, faceless thing, won't you, rolling down the street! Like a turd... in the wind... Do you feel me?&quot;)'' '''What the hell are you?!''' ''(Venom: We... are Venom. On second thought...)'' '''Please...'''
**Who: Shop burglar
**Note: After an attempt to rob Mrs. Chen, Venom begins making death threats to warn him to stay away. When Venom decides to just do it anyway, the burglar says this, begging for his life before Venom eats him alive.

==== '''''[[Venom: Let There Be Carnage]]''''' ====
* '''No, please!'''
** Who: Warden
** Note: Saying this before he is killed by Cletus Kasady / Carnage.
* '''I wanted your friendship...'''
** Who: Cletus Kasady
** Note: After being defeated by Eddie Brock/Venom in the cathedral, and separated from the Carnage Symbiote (which is eaten by Venom), Kasady says these words to Brock, who allows Venom to devour his head, killing him.

=== ''Space Jam'' film series ===
====''[[Space Jam]]'' (1996)====
* '''''Losers''!''' [Monstars: Sorry.] '''Choke artists!''' [Monstars: Sorry again.] '''Wait 'till I get you back on Moron Mountain.''' [Bupkus: OWWWWWW!] '''Alright, the party's over. Get in the spaceship.''' [Michael Jordan: Why are you taking from this guy?] [Bupkus: Because he's ''bigger''...] [Other Monstars: He's ''bigger''?!] [Bang: Than we used...to be.] [Monstars: Oh, wait...] '''What are you doing?''' [Bupkus: Come here.] '''Hey, wait! What are you doing?! Wait! Let go!'''
** Who: Mr. Swackhammer

==== ''[[Space Jam: A New Legacy]]'' (2021)====
* [Lil Rel Howery: The Tunes win! The Tunes win!] [Ernie Johnson Jr.: Unbelievable! Al-G just got turned into a literal poster.] '''This is not how I wanted to go out!'''
** Who: Al-G Rhythm
** Note: Al-G Rhythm was defeated by LeBron James and he turned into a poster and shredded by Pete

===''[[w:Spawn (film)|Spawn]]'' (1997)===
*'''Wandaaaa!!!'''
**Who: Al Simmons
**Notes:A  Force Reconnaissance Marine Colonel and Black Ops operative, Al Simmons was sent to dismantle a North Korean chemical plant containing a virus. He is betrayed by his boss Jason Wynn and Jessica who sprays him with a green substance. Simmons tries to warn his boss that blowing up will release the virus that will kill an entire town. Jason then blows up the plant along with Al. As he falls to hell, Simmons cries out to his wife, Wanda. This sets the stage for his rebirth as the monstrous superhero, Spawn.

*'''You don't have the guts!'''
**Who: Jessica Priest
**Notes: As Spawn was attacking Jason Wynn at a reception, Jessica comes her bosses aid and Wynn tells that the creature was Al Simmons. Just as Spawn comes out, Jessica tries to attack him, but is overpowered quickly by Spawn. Just as Spawn pulls out his guns, Jessica says these lines and Spawn shoots and kills her and which caused her to fall from a large height and onto a table with wine glasses and Spawn replies “You’re right.”.

===''[[w:The Specialist|The Specialist]]''===
*'''YOU BASTARDA!!!'''
**Who: Joe Leon
**Notes: The mob boss behind the murder of May Munro's parents, he finds a necklace with a picture of May's parents within. As the bomb within beeps, he curses God before he is blown up.

===''[[Speed (1994 film)|Speed]]'' (1994)===
*'''What do ya do, huh Jack? What do ya do, you're so smart, right, Jack? Piece of shit! I'm the guy with the plan cause I'm smarter-I'm smarter than you!'''
**Who: Howard Payne (Fighting with Sgt. Jack Traven atop a runaway subway train. Seconds later, holds Payne up in front of an oncoming ceiling light. Payne screams just before the light decapitates him. As his body falls off the train, Jack retorts, &quot;Yeah? But I'm TALLER!&quot;)

===''[[Spider-Man]]'' film franchise===
*'''Norman?''' ''[see Norman thrash]'' '''Norman!''' ''[vents gas chamber]'' '''Norman!''' ''[sees Norman continuing to thrash, and suddenly go limp]'' '''Oh, my God!''' ''[sees heart monitor flatlining]'' '''Oh, my God! Norman? Oh, my God! Norman! Norman!''' ''[starts doing CPR on Norman, and sees the heart monitor beeping]'' [Norman: ''[suddenly wakes up and chokes Stromm]'' Back to formula?]
**Who: Dr. Mendel Stromm
**Notes: Said while Norman Osborn thrashes and flatlines after using the performance enhancing drugs. After Stromm starts doing CPR him, Norman suddenly awakes and kills him.

====''[[Spider-Man (2002 film)|Spider-Man]]'' (2002)====
*[Peter: Uncle Ben? Uncle Ben? Uncle Ben?] '''Peter.''' [Peter: ''[voice breaking]'' I'm here, Uncle Ben.] ''[weakly]'' '''Peter.'''
**Who: Ben Parker
**Notes: Character is dying after being shot by a robber that Peter had previously allowed to escape. However, it is later revealed in the third film that Flint Marko was Ben's true but unintentional killer.

*'''Don't hurt me. Just give me a chance. ''Just give me a chance!''''' [Peter: ''[angrily]'' What about my uncle? Did you give him a chance? Did you?! '''''Answer me!'''''] ''[Peter sees the carjacker's face, and realizes, through flashback, that the carjacker was the same guy who stole the money and killed Ben Parker.]'' ''[chuckles, and points gun at Peter's head]'' '''See ya.''' ''[Peter breaks the Carjacker's arm]'' ''[scared]'' '''No.'''
**Who: The Carjacker
**Notes: Said before falling out a window, after Peter breaks his arm and advances on him.

*[Peter Parker: I have a father. His name was Ben Parker.] '''Godspeed, Spider-Man.'''
*'''Oh.''' ''[gets impales by his glider, and groans in pain and blood loss]'' '''Peter? Don't tell Harry.'''
**Who: Norman Osborn
**Notes: Character is actually the Green Goblin, and wants Peter not to tell Harry that he is. The first line is his last as his Green Goblin persona; he sends his glider at Peter, but misses and accidentally impales himself.

====''[[Spider-Man 2]]'' (2004)====
*'''I will not die a monster.'''
**Who: Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus
**Notes: Character had been possessed by the artificial intelligence inside his robotic arms and started experiment that threatened New York City. However, Spider-Man convinces him to see the error of his ways after temporarily disabling his A.I. Doctor Octopus then pulls on the supports of the fusion reactor, causing it and him to fall into the river.

====''[[Spider-Man 3]]'' (2007)====
*'''Peter! ''What are you doing?! NO!'''''
**Who: Eddie Brock Jr./Venom
**Notes: Character had been possessed by a symbiote and was pulled away by Peter. Peter then throws one of Harry's pumpkin bombs at the symbiote, which Brock tries to intercept. He and the symbiote are destroyed in the following explosion.

*'''None of that matters Peter. You're my friend.''' [Peter: Best friend.]
**Who: Harry Osborn
**Notes: Character had been mortally wounded by Venom in the final battle. He had forgiven Peter for attacking him earlier, as well as realizing he was wrong about Peter having supposedly killed his father, the Green Goblin, in the first film, and come to aid him in the fight, but was impaled on his Sky Stick while protecting Peter from Venom.

====''[[The Amazing Spider-Man (2012 film)|The Amazing Spider-Man]]'' (2012)====
*'''Hey!'''
*'''Peter?'''
**Who: Ben Parker
**Notes: The first line is said before he is accidentally shot by a robber that Peter had previously allowed to escape in the theatrical release. The second is said as he looks for his nephew, before being mugged and killed, in the original version.

*'''Can you promise me that, eh? Promise me that.'''
**Who: Captain George Stacy
**Notes: He was severely wounded and clawed by Lizard before Spider-Man manages to stop his plan. Said to Spider-Man about keeping his daughter safe before dying.

====''[[The Amazing Spider-Man 2]]'' (2014)====
*'''I don't expect forgiveness from you anymore. I don't believe in miracles. How could you possibly understand that your childhood had to be sacrificed, for something greater? And not just for me, for you! Has your hand started to twitch yet, when you lie awake and feel it coming, crawling under your skin, waiting to show itself, to show you who you really are? Retroviral Hyperplasia. I never told you... that it's genetic. Our disease, the &quot;Osborn Curse&quot;, and it began at your age. Your hand, give it to me. The greatest inheritance I can give you, isn't merely money. It's this. The sum total of my life's work. Everything I did to stay alive. Maybe you can succeed where I failed.'''
**Who: Norman Osborn.
**Notes: Character had been suffering from a genetic illness, and gives his life's work to his son, Harry, who is about to start suffering the same illness, believing Harry can find a cure for the illness. He is confirmed dead the next day, but it's unknown whether this is the last line he says.

*'''Spider-Man, I bet you never saw this coming!'''
**Who: Max Dillon/Electro
**Notes: Character says this line before Gwen bursts in with a Police Car, running over him. He doesn't say any other lines afterwards, and the fight ends with Spider-Man and Gwen charging him with too much electricity, blowing him up.

*'''Peter!'''
**Who: Gwen Stacy
**Notes: Said to Spider-Man before falling to her death.

===''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]'' (2004)===
*'''Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream.''' ''[SpongeBob and Patrick scream in terror]'' '''I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers!''' ''[the part of the tongue shaped like her cat Mr. Whiskers, who meowed. Both SpongeBob and Patrick screamed even more]'' ''[SpongeBob: Jump for it, Patrick!]''
**Who: Rockfish

*'''HEY! You may not knew it, cowboy! But we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles!''' ''[He snaps his fingers, Everyone said the rules, Victor joins them.] '''All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by--''' ''[Dennis: SHUT UP!!]'' ''[He punch up into the sky]''
**Who: Victor

*'''THAT'S IT! I'M TROUGH MESSING AROUND! SEE YA LATER, FOOLS!'''
**Who: Dennis
**Notes: Says this before he hits a catamaran, where Patrick responds to that by saying &quot;See ya!&quot;.

===''[[Spooky Buddies]]'' (2011)===
*'''No! This can't be happening!'''
**Who: Howlween Hound

*'''NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!'''
**Who: Warwick the Warlock

===[[South Park: Bigger, Longer &amp; Uncut]]===
*'''WHAT?!!!'''
**Who: Kenny
**Notes: Said when the doctors replaced Kennys heart with a baked potato which give him only a few seconds to live and later on he died when his chest explodes. Kenny came back from the dead later on in future South Park episodes.

*'''What have I done?'''
**Who: Conan
**Notes: was said after terrance and philip's arrest and then he commits suicide by falling into a car.

*'''HAHA YOU MISSED ME!!!'''
**Who: Baldwin guy
**Notes: Was said when the Canadians bombed the Baldwins. They missed one but the next plane bombed that guy.

*'''Terrance!'''
**Who: Philip
**Notes: says when Sheila shot Terrance. She then shoots Philip but later on Kenny’s wish bring the two Canadians back from the dead.

*'''HEY, GUY! RELAX!'''
*Who: Saddam
**Notes: Said when Satan threw him into a spike which stabbed his heart. He came back from the dead in later South Park episodes.

===''[[Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning]]'' (2005)===
*'''Oh, shit.'''
**Who: Festerbester
**Note: Festerbester's actual last words, when the Excavator is finally destroyed. He intended to say something different as his last words, as he thought the Excavator was about to be destroyed for the first time.

*'''We have nothing to be worried about!'''
**Who: Fukov
**Note: Said before his ship USSSR Kalinka crashes to Earth and explodes.

*'''Nuts!'''
**Who: Garybrandy
**Note: Fails to stop self-destruction of Babel 13.

===''[[Steel Magnolias]]'' (1989)===
*'''Let's go call Daddy, okay?'''
**Who: Shelby Eatenton

===''Stargate'' (1994)===
*'''I will send it myself!'''
**Who: Anubis:
**Note: Said in alien language volunteering to send the nuclear bomb to devastate Earth. He engages Col. Jack in a fierce fight over the nuke. Despite Anubis's skills, Jack quips to him &quot;Give my regards to King Tut, asshole!&quot; then forces the teleporter rings to cut off his head.

*'''I am no longer amused. You will die together.'''
**Who: Ra
**Note: Said in alien language trying to kill Dr. Jackson by frying his brain. Thankfully, Col. Jack O'Neil forces the transporter rings to cut off Ra's hand. With his army at a disadvantage, Ra decides to escape on his pyramid ship. Seeing no other option, Jack and Jackson teleport the nuclear bomb to the ship and vaporize Ra in the explosion.

===''Star Trek''===
:''See [[last words in Star Trek media|last words in ''Star Trek'' media]].''

===''Star Wars''===
:''See [[last words in Star Wars media|last words in ''Star Wars'' media]].''

===''[[Starship Troopers (film)|Starship Troopers]]'' (1997)===
*'''At least I got to have you.'''
**Who: Dizzy Flores ([[w:Dina Meyer|Dina Meyer]])
**Note: Said to Rico before dying from her wounds after their squad was attacked by bugs.

*'''One day, someone like me...is gonna kill you, and your whole fucking race.'''
**Who: Zander Barcalow
**Note: Said to the brain bug before it kills him by using its proboscis to pierce his head and suck out his brain.

===''[[Storks (film)|Storks]]'' (2016)===
*'''Oh, no.'''
**Who: Hunter
**Note: He tried to escape, but thick wiring was blocking the emergency exit hatch, leaving him trapped inside the robot. Then, several small birds that he abused by playing golf over the years, stood on the machine, and caused it and the delivery service building to fall. As a final resort, he made an attempt to take Junior and Tulip down with him, but failed when Junior starts flying again. It's unknown whether Hunter survived the fall or not, but he never appeared for the rest of the movie. With Hunter and the package delivery factory gone, Junior was made the new boss and babies were delivered again.

===''[[Stuart Little (film)|Stuart Little]]'' (1999)===
*'''Oh, this water's damn cold! I can't believe this!''' ''[shakes]'' '''Beaten by a mouse and his pet cat! What could be worse?!''' ''[the dogs' barks are heard offscreen; voice fading]'' '''Oh, nice doggies! No! NOOOO!!!'''
**Who: Smokey.
**Note: Smokey gets out of the water after Stuart smack his head with the branches. Then, a pack of dogs is heard chasing Smokey offscreen and killing him.

===''[[Stuart Little 2]]'' (2002)===
*'''The party's over, fur-face!'''
**Who: Falcon
**Note: He had made an enemy out of the mouse Stuart Little by forcing his bird friend, Margalo, to do his bidding. During an aerial battle between Falcon and Stuart in his toy plane, Stuart suddenly parachuted away after briefly blinding him with the Sun's reflection caused by his mother's ring. Falcon collided with the plane and fell to his death in a trashcan. His remains were most likely eaten by Monty, a cat searching for food in that very trashcan.

===''[[w:Suicide Club (film)|Suicide Club]]'' (2002)===
*'''They're not the enemy.'''
**Who: Kuroda
**Note: Said before shooting himself out of grief after his whole family was murdered.

*'''We have to do it now. We promised them.'''
**Who: female high school student
**Note: Said by her as she forces a classmate off the roof because of a suicide pact they made with a group of other students. She then follows.

===''[[Sunset Boulevard (film)|Sunset Boulevard]]'' (1950)===
*'''Goodbye, Norma.'''
**Who: Joe Gillis
**Note: He decides he's had enough of living with Norma's antics and walks out on her. She threatens to shoot herself but, out of rage, shoots Joe for being insensitive toward her feelings.

===''[[Sunshine (2007 film)|Sunshine]]'' (2007)===
*'''For seven years, I spoke to God. He told me to brings us all to heaven.'''
*'''Neither did I. But you will find him...in the sunshine.'''
**Who: Captain Pinbacker
**Notes: First line is his actual last words, said while attack Cappa, before the skin on his arm is torn off. He is killed in the subsequent explosion. Second line is his original last words in a deleted scene, said when Cappa tells him he doesn't believe in God, before he throws himself to his death.

*'''Finish it.'''
**Who: Cassie
**Notes: Said to Robert Cappa, after being injured in a fall, telling him to detonate the bomb. Is killed in the explosion.

*'''Please...please...'''
**Who: Robert Cappa
**Notes: Said while trying to get the bomb to work, before it triggers and kills him.

===''[[Superman (disambiguation)#Films|Superman]]''===
* See [[Last words in Superman media]].

===''[[Surrogates]]'' (2009)===
*'''Get lost, meatbag.'''
** Who: Jarid Canter
**Note: Character says this line, through a surrogate robot, to a human biker, later revealed to be Miles Strickland. Strickland destroys Jarid's surrogate and that of Cameron McCallister instantly afterwards, which is revealed to have also killed them both in reality, due to the nature of the weapon used.

*'''I swear, I couldn't tell you if my life depended on it!'''
**Who: Miles Strickland
**Note: Character says this line to the Prophet, who is interrogating him about the weapon, before killing him and confiscating the weapon.

*'''Really, doctor, you should learn to live with your regrets. Now give me the gun.'''
**Who: Andrew Stone
**Note: Character says this line, through his surrogate, to Agent Peters' surrogate as it is being controlled by Dr Canter, to confront him about his intentions. Stone is then zapped with the anti-surrogate weapon, destroying the surrogate and killing Stone in real life.

*'''You're too late. What I've done can't be stopped. Now you're gonna be a witness to the rebirth of humanity. That's my gift to you.'''
**Who: Dr Lionel Canter
**Note: Character says this line after completing what he believes to be the most important part of his plan to upload a virus from the weapon to the worldwide surrogate network, which would destroy all surrogates worldwide and kill anyone connected to them. Confident and satisfied that the plan's success is now inevitable, Canter then commits suicide with a cyanide capsule.

===''[[The Swan Princess]]''===
*[Derek: King William!] '''Derek...I...''' [Derek: Who did this?] '''It came so quickly...A Great...Animal.''' [Derek: Where is Odette?] '''Listen to me, Derek. It's not what it seems. It's not what it seems.''' [Derek: What's not? Where is Odette?] '''Odette is...Odette is...Gone.''' ''[dies]'' [Derek: ''[shocked]'' ODEEEEEEEEEEEETTE!!!!!!!!]
**Who: King William
**Source: ''[[The Swan Princess]]'' (1994)
**Note: King William was attacked by The Great Animal.

*[Derek: ''[in tears; to the sky]'' I made a vow for her. Do you hear me?! THE VOW I MADE WAS FOR HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!] ''[appears]'' '''No need to shout.''' [Derek: ''[grabs him]'' Don't let her die.] '''Is that a threat?''' [Derek: Don't you dare let her die!] '''Oh, it is a threat.''' [Derek: You're the only one with the power. Now, DO IT!] ''[knocks him to the ground]'' '''Only if you defeat...me.''' ''[transforms into The Great Animal]''
**Who: Rothbart
**Source: ''[[The Swan Princess]]'' (1994)
**Note: Rothbart turns into The Great Animal, and Prince Derek killed him by shooting an arrow into his heart and sent him plunging into Swan Lake, exploding on contact.

===''[[The Swarm (film)|The Swarm]]'' (1978)===
*That came from the corridor. Cover me, I'll go look!
**Who: Jerry
**Note: One of General Slater's men working at the underground missile base in Marysville, Texas. He tests the alarm system which serves to attract the Africanized honey bees. He says this which is confirmed in a taped recording of the gone-wrong alarm test. He is killed along with everyone in the missile base, this sets the stage for Dr. Bradford Crane to investigate the situation.

*Well, what. We're outta... We're outta control!
**Who: Air Search One Pilot
**Note: One of General Slater's pilots investigating black mass of bees attacking Texas. He spots them and when they swarm his chopper, he says this before his chopper crashes into the ground.

*Ah, I can't sir! I'm losing power! OH MY GOD!
**Who: Air Search Two-Eight Pilot
**Note: One of General Slater's pilots investigating black mass of bees attacking Texas. When the bees swarm his chopper, Slater tries to warn him for evasive action, but this pilot says he can't. Seconds later, his chopper crashes killing him instantly.

*Yeah, okay.
**Who: Paul Durant
**Note: A kid who was afflicted with the venom of the killer bees after watching his parents die. In the aftermath of the Marysville attack by the swarm, he says this when advised by Crane to go back to the hospital. Sadly, the strain is too much for him and he dies.

*Well, I suppose that's so; But I can't shake this feeling that something's closing in on all of us.
**Who: Maureen Schuester
**Note: A Marysville school teacher in a triangle of love with Mayor Tuttle and retiree Felix Austin. On the train ride away from Marysville, she says this fearing the bees will finish them off. The bees indeed cause the train to fly off the tracks and likely kill her and her would-be lovers. The total of survivors from the crash are said to be only seventeen.

*The bees! Let's get the hell outta here!
**Who: Dr. Hubbard
**Note: One of Dr. Bradford Crane's friends in the fight against the Africanized honey bees attacking Texas. He tries to convince Dr. Andrews to shut down the nuclear plant which is in the path of the bees. He says this when the bees attack; He and Andrews are unable to outrun the swarm which overwhelms them and kills them in the nuclear power plant explosion. This leaves the body count and thirty-six thousand, four hundred and twenty-two lives lost to the swarm.

===''[[Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007 film)|Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street]]'' (2007)===
*'''What d'you say to that, now,''' ''[affects Italian accent]'' '''Mr. Sweeney Todd?'''
**Who: David Connelly, a.k.a. Adolfo Pirelli (Sasha Baron Cohen)
**Note: Pirelli has revealed himself to be a fraud and is attempting to blackmail Todd, remembering him from 'the old days' when he was Benjamin Barker. He laughs at Todd, who then becomes enraged and bashes him repeatedly with a kettle. When this fails to kill him, he slits his throat with a straight razor.

*'''Now, where shall I cut?'''
**Who: Mr. Fogg, the head of the asylum
**Note: Anthony has entered the asylum pretending to be a wigmaker's apprentice to free Johanna. He pretends to need her hair, and when Fogg goes to cut it, Anthony pulls a gun and leaves with Johanna. Fogg is then killed by the lunatics he imprisons (and foully calls his &quot;children&quot;).

*'''Hey, don't I know you, mister...?'''
**Who: Beggar Woman/Lucy
**Note: Spoken to her husband, Benjamin Barker, a.k.a. Sweeney Todd, who does not recognize her and kills her in a panicked rush as the Judge approaches.

*'''Benjamin Barker!'''
**Who: Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman)
**Note: Said after realizing that Sweeney Todd, the barber shaving him, is a man that he sentenced to prison in order to get his wife. Sweeney then shouts &quot;BENJAMIN BARKER!&quot; and viciously stabs the judge repeatedly before slitting his throat. Turpin dies of blood loss a few minutes later.

*'''Just keep living it / Really living it-!'''
**Who: Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter)
**Note: Sung along with Todd before he throws her into her bake oven and slams the door, causing her to burn to death.

*'''There was a barber and his wife / And she was beautiful / A foolish barber and his wife / She was his reason and his life / And she was beautiful / and she was virtuous / and he was...'''
**Who: Sweeney Todd (Johnny Depp)
**Note: Sung while holding the dead body of his wife, whom he unknowingly killed. He is then murdered by Toby, his would-be honorary son, who slits Todd's throat with his own razor, and leaves him to bleed to death.

===''Sword of the Valiant'' (1984)===
*'''Casper! Shoot him!'''
**Who: Oswald
**Note: A lustful prince who commands an army led by his father Baron Fortinbras. During his fight with Gawain, he desperately cries this out to his bowman Casper to help him, but Baron Fortinbraas forbids outside interference. Gawain impales the prince with his sword and declares &quot;That's one score settled.&quot; then Fortinbras insists to be taken away from the battleground.

*'''The full circle of the year... has turned... Just as every green shoot of spring returns at last to the earth from which it woke to life so return I...'''
**Who: Green Knight
**Note: The knight who challenges Gawain to a little contest to solve a riddle within a year's time. When Gawain fails, he and the knight have a duel. Gawain cuts a mortal wound into the knight and seeing that his opponent has won, the Green Knight gives this monologue as he fades away into dust.

==T==
===''[[The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974 film)|The Taking of Pelham One Two Three]]'' (1974)===
*'''Excuse me, do you people still execute in this state?''' [Garber: What? Oh, execute. No, not at the moment.] '''Pity.'''
**Who: Bernard Ryder/Mr. Blue
**Notes: The leader of the subway highjacking gang demanding a $1 Million ransom, having been cornered, Mr. Blue/Ryder asks if New York will execute for his crimes, then receives a negative from Garber. Mr. Blue says it's a pity, then steps on the 3rd rail and fries himself.

===''[[w:The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009 film)|The Taking of Pelham 123]]'' (2009)===
*'''You're my goddamn hero.'''
**Who: Ryder/Dennis Ford
**Notes: The man behind the highjacking of Pelham 123, Garber confronts Ryder/Dennis Ford on the Manhattan Bridge. Not wanting to face jail time, Ryder gives the dispatcher a 10-second countdown to execute him. In the final seconds of the countdown, Garber shoots him. Before drawing his dying breath, Ryder brands his killer his hero.

===''[[Talk Radio (film)|Talk Radio]]'' (1988)===
*'''Sure, what did you say your name was?'''
**Who: Barry Champlaine
**Note: Said to a man asking him for an autograph, before said man pulls out a gun and shoots him.

===''[[Tango &amp; Cash]]'' (1989)===
*'''Let them come, Mr. Perret.'''
**Who: Quan
**Notes: One of Perret's henchmen, Quan, decides to allow Tango &amp; Cash inside of the compound. He is soon killed in a shootout with the cops.

*'''Well pretty boy, I'd like you to watch me pleasure your sister slow and easy. But I only got a few minutes to carve you up!'''
**Who: Requin
**Notes: Perret's British henchman, Requin holding Tango's sister, Katherine hostage, tosses her aside to &quot;carve up&quot; the cop duo. After their fight, Cash holds a grenade and tells him &quot;You never talked about Plan C, asshole.&quot; then throws the armed grenade into his pants and dares &quot;You think it's a dud?!&quot; Requin is punched away and the grenade does this time explode, blowing up Requin.

*'''Business as usual. And you, will be a meaningless headwound.'''
**Who: Yves Perret
**Notes: A drug smuggler and longtime nemesis of Tango &amp; Cash, Perret, holding Katherine at gunpoint announces he will leave. Just as he prepares to execute Katherine, Tango &amp; Cash kill him with two headshots.

===''[[Tank Girl (film)|Tank Girl]]'' (1995)===
*'''It's not over...it's not over...it's not, it's not, it's not...'''
**Who: Kesslee ([[w: Malcolm McDowell|Malcolm McDowell]])
**Note: Last words after Tank Girl plugs a device into Kesslee's body, which sucks all the water out of him.

*'''Fuck me.'''
**Who: Sergeant Small
**Note: Said after trying to escape the Water and Power HQ by jet; while getting into the cockpit, he notices the laser sight of a gun aimed at his head. Rebecca/Jet Girl (who has the gun) responds with &quot;How many times do I have to tell you? I don't want to.&quot; then shoots him.

===''[[Taxi Driver]]'' (1976)===
*'''Get the fuck out of here, man! Get outta here!'''
**Who: 'Sport' Matthew
**Note: Character says this after an arguement with Travis, while throwing his cigarette at him and kicking him. Travis responds by pulling out a gun and shooting him in the gut. Sport then draws his own gun and shoots Travis in the neck, but this doesn't kill Travis who shoots Sport another three times, killing him.

*'''You crazy son of a bitch! I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll kill you! Ugh! I'll kill you!'''
**Who: Doorman 
**Note: Said to Travis near the end of the climactic shootout, tackling him in a rage after Travis blew his hand off. Travis is then able to stab his other hand with a knife, shooting him in the head afterwards.

*''[pointing finger to his head like a gun]'' '''Pgghew! Pgghew! Pgghew!'''
**Who: Travis Bickle
**Note: After being critically wounded in a shootout, Travis is approached by police. He looks at them, mimics the gun shot above, and presumably dies. (The following sequence at the end of the film may be only his mind).

===''[[w:A Taxi Driver|A Taxi Driver]]'' (2017)===
*'''Take care of yourself! Don't worry about us!'''
**Who: Hwang Tae-sool
**Note: A local Gwangju taxi driver. While the ROK forces are in hot pursuit, Hwang bids these to Seoul taxi driver Kim Man-seob and German news reporter Jurgen &quot;Peter&quot; Hinzpeter. To buy time for them to escape, Hwang sets his taxi cab into reverse and rams into the ROK pursuit group. He does not survive.

===''[[Team America: World Police]]'' (2004)===
*[Gary: [[w:Susan Sarandon|Susan Sarandon]]!] '''Oh, thank God. We have stop the ceremony; Kim Jong-Il is mad! Here, let me loose. I'll show you where the theater is.''' [Chris: All right.] [Gary: No! Chris, stay away from her!] [Chris: Fuck you. She wants to help us.] [Gary: No, Chris. She's acting.] '''I am not. The others tied me up because I wouldn't go along with their plans.''' [Gary: You're skills are fading with age, Ms. Sarandon.] '''You shall die a peasant's death!'''
** Who: Susan Sarandon
** Notes: Character unsuccessfully attempted to convince Gary and Chris that she was a prisoner of the actors, and attempted to get up to gun them down. However, Gary recognizes that she is just acting and shoots her with his assault rifle, sending her falling to her death.

*'''Let's go, bitch! I've done action films. Come on!'''
** Who: [[w:Helen Hunt|Helen Hunt]]
** Notes: Sarah, using a sword, slashed her in half after a duel.

*'''[[w:Matt Damon|MATT DAMON]]!!'''
**Who: Matt Damon
**Note: Matt Damon has his neck snapped while fighting near the end of the movie. His only lines in the movie are him saying his name repeatedly throughout the film.

*'''Come on! Stop tryin' to hit me, and ''hit me!'''''
**Who: [[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]]
**Note: Said after being annoyed with not being hit. He says this line, and Chris obliges and kicks his head and mouth open, killing him instantly.

*'''''Don't fucking move!'' Now, isn't that a shame? You came so close to stopping peace, but you see, peace always finds a way. Goodbye, Team America.''' [Chris: I've just got one piece of bad news for you, Robbins.] '''What's that?''' [Chris: I'm a smoker.]
** Who: Tim Robbins
** Notes: Character had the team at gunpoint, but Chris throws a lit cigarette at some gasoline that he had spilled on the ground, igniting it and burning Robbins alive. In a deleted scene, Chris said that cigarettes &quot;can save your life.&quot;

*'''Uh...global warming...and corporate America...''' [Kim Jong-Il: ''[angrily growls]'' '''''YOU ARE WORTHLESS, ALEC BALDWIN!''''']
**Who: Alec Baldwin
**Notes: After Gary has turned the dignitaries at the peace conference against Kim Jong-Il with his &quot;dicks, pussies and assholes&quot; speech, Kim Jong-Il demands that Alec Baldwin do something. When Alec attempts to mesmerize the crowd with a speech again (although having completely lost his composure and charisma), Kim Jong-Il gets angry, and deems him worthless, firing on him with an assault rifle, killing him when his head explodes.

===''[[w:Tears of the Sun|Tears of the Sun]]'' (2003)===
*'''Guess we're there...right boss?'''
**Who: Michael 'Slo' Slowenski
**Note: Said in regards to trying to make it to the extraction point.

*'''Come on! Go! Come on!'''
**Who: Terwase
**Note: Screamed to his troops as they pursue Lt. Waters, moments before he is blown up by a missile strike.

===''[[The Ten Commandments (1956 film)|The Ten Commandments]]'' (1956)===
*'''Who are you?!''' [Moses: ''[while strangling him]'' One who asks what right you have to kill a slave!] '''The right of a master to kill you or any slave!''' [Moses: Then kill me, master butcher!] ''[realizing his identity]'' '''MOSES!'''
**Who: Baka
**Note: The Master Builder for the city of Thebes. When Moses moves to save Joshua from being lashed to death by Baka, he identifies himself causing Baka to be surprised at his attacker before being strangled to death.

===''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'' films ===
:''See ''[[last words in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles media|''last words in ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' media'']]''.''

===''[[Terminator (franchise)|Terminator]]'' films ===
:''See ''[[last words in Terminator media|''last words in ''Terminator'' media'']]''.''

===''[[w:The Last Stand (2013 film)|The Last Stand]]''===
*'''Now we finished talkin'. You get the hell outta here!'''
**Who: Parsons
**Notes: A milk farmer in Sommerton is approached by Burrell who's preposing a commercial to be filmed on his farm. It is actually part of a plan to get Gabriel Cortez into Mexico. Parsons warns Burrell to leave, and is told to &quot;take the lead&quot; before being shot in the head.

*'''He likes you, too.'''
**Who: Deputy Jerry Bailey
**Notes: A deputy under Ray Owens, Jerry is shot by Burrell's goons. After getting in Owens' car for safety, he knows his friend Frank Martinez likes fellow deputy Sarah Torrance, then he dies of his injury.

*'''Who the hell are you?'''
**Who: Thomas Burrell
**Notes: Gabriel Cortez's top henchman. Being cornered on a school bus after part of his ear is shot by Owens, Burrell asks who he is, before being shot dead. Owens answers &quot;I am the Sheriff.&quot;.

===''[[The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning]]'' (2006)===
*'''Oh Lord, help me!'''
**Who: Sloane
**Notes: Said while giving birth to her son the future Leatherface, she dies a few seconds later.

*'''I'm your friend, Hewitt!'''
**Who: Thomas Hewitt's (ex) boss
**Notes: Character is a slauterhouse/meat packiging plant owner. He fires his employee Thomas Brown &quot;Leatherface&quot; Hewitt and when he refuses to leave, his boss calls him a &quot;retard who belongs in the shit hole.&quot; Insulted, Thomas kills him with a sledgehammer, before dying, the boss says the above line to try to make his attacker stop to no effect.

===''[[Theatre of Blood]]'' (1973)===
*'''You...It's you! But you're dead...!'''
**Who: George Maxwell
**Note: Said after being cut to the point of bleeding to death by Lionheart's drunken friends. Edward Lionheart who wants revenge on the Critics Circle that ruined his career simply replies, &quot;Another critical miscalculation on your part, dear boy. I'm fine. It is YOU who are dead.&quot; He is buried while Lionheart quotes one of his Shakespeare plays ''Julius Caesar''.

*'''Lionheart, I came here for an interview, not for a lecture on Shakespeare. Now, tell us this remarkable story of your resurrection.''' [Edward Lionheart: Its a grave tale, Snipe, and difficult to write, but I am sure you can rise to the occasion.] ''[Edward launches Hector Snipe onto the stage with the meths drinkers surrounding him]'' '''Stand back! Get out of the way!'''
**Who: Hector Snipe
**Note: Said as he tries to get the story on Lionheart's survival of his fall when he almost killed himself. Being used for a rehearsal of ''Troyius and Cressida'', Hector is dragged before Lionheart on stage who quotes &quot;The dragon wing of night oerspreads the earth, My half-suppd spear, that frankly would have fed, Pleased with this dainty bait, thus goes to bed!&quot; and runs Hector through with the spear. He then ties the lifeless critic to a horse to send a warning to Devlin's Critics Circle.

*'''Oh, dear. Was I?'''
**Who: Horace Sprout
**Note: Said while sleeping in bed with his wife never knowing that Edward and Edwina have snuck into his home hiding in a trunk. In a recreation of ''Cymbeline'', the Lionhearts quietly cut off his head. The next morning, the murder is discovered by the maid and his wife.

*'''Lionheart...''' [Edward Lionheart: ''[getting ready to cut out Dickman's heart]'' Do you still think that my Shylock was inadequate? That is the adjective you used, I believe. inadequate.] '''No, no. The best. The best! I always said you were the best.''' [Edward Lionheart: No, the best is given the Critics Award! Why did you vote against me?!] '''I didn't, it was Devlin. Now let me go, please. LET ME GO!''' [Edward Lionheart: Devlin? You craven scum. You're hardly worth the trouble and expense of this special performance.] '''Oh, NO, NO, NO!!!'''
**Who: Trevor Dickman
**Note: Said while trying to defend Devlin's decision on giving the Critics Circle award for Best Actor of the Year to an up-and-coming William Woodstock. Edward doesn't buy it and cuts out Dickman's heart to write his own conclusion of ''The Merchant of Venice''. After that, Edward sends Dickman's heart as a warning to Devlin.

*'''Oh, no, no, please, please. Oh, please...No, no! No, don't! No, please don't!'''
**Who: Clarence Larding
**Note: Said when Edward wants to recreate a scene from ''Richard III'' in the basement of a wine store. The meths drinkers then forcefeed Larding a barrel of wind and drown him while Edward quips &quot;I wonder if he'll travel well.&quot;

*'''Don't. Don't, please. You don't understand. No! No! No!'''
**Who: Maisie Psaltery
**Note: Said whilst Solomon Psaltery has been manipulated by Edward Lionheart into thinking his wife is having an affair in a manner similar to the play ''Othello''. Solomon suffocates her with a pillow and Edward gets away leaving Solomon to be taken in by the police for the murder.

*'''What are you doing? You know, I'm very uncomfortable. I can't move.'''
**Who: Chloe Moon
**Note: Said while getting her hair curled and hands tied down by Butch (who is actually Edward Lionheart). Lionheart remembers the story of ''Henry VI, Part 1'' where Joan of Arc was burned at the stake for witchcraft. The disguised Edwina gags Chloe Moon to prevent her from yelping for help clearly. Edward then powers up the curlers while quoting his play and sets it to maximum power eventually frying her.

*[Edward Lionheart: Will you ever again ruin the reputation of an honest man?] '''No!''' [Edward Lionheart: ''[feeds Meredith some of the pie made from his dogs]'' Have you learnt your lesson?] '''Yes.''' [Edward Lionheart: Can I be certain that you will never again offend me?!] '''Yes!'''
**Who: Meredith Merridew
**Note: Said while being forced to eat a pie made from the two dogs he was looking after. To make certain of his word, Edward quotes ''Titus Andronicus'' as he sets a basin of the pie in Meredith's mouth then uses a plunger to force it down until he chokes to death.

*'''Horatio to Fortinbras. We are stopping. They are getting out.''' [ train is whistling on Dogge's radio end] '''I hear a train whistle. Yes, I can definitely identify it as a train. T-R-A-'''
**Who: Sgt. Dogge
**Note: Said while radioing his partner Inspector Boot on Edwina leaving the car and onto train tracks. As a result, the train crashes into Edwina's car and kills Dogge. This is heard form  Boot's radio conversation.

*'''We are not the first. Who, with best meaning, have incurred the worst. For thee, oppressed king, am I cast down.'''
**Who: Edwina Lionheart
**Note: Said after getting her skull cracked by the female Meths Drinker with the Critics Circle award trophy which was meant for Edward Lionheart (but Devlin awarded it to William Woodstock since Edward's performances in his perspective lacked originality). Edwina then passes away in her father's arms.

*'''Had I your tongues and eyes, I'd use them so that heavens vault should crack! She's gone forever! I know when one is dead, and when one lives; She's dead as earth.'''
**Who: Edward Lionheart
**Note: Said as he mourns the loss of his daughter while firefighting crews battle the blaze at the old theatre which Lionheart had caused while quoting his final play ''King Lear''. Just then, a flare shoots up and burns Edward alive causing him to fall to his death into the burning theatre.

===''[[Thelma &amp; Louise]]'' (1991)===
*'''You sure?'''
**Who: Louise Elizabeth Sawyer
*'''Yeah. Hit it.'''
**Who: Thelma Yvonne Dickinson ([[w:Geena Davis|Geena Davis]])
**Note: After being chased to the edge of the Grand Canyon in their car, Thelma and Louise decide to face death rather than be captured by the police, so they drive right over the edge of the Grand Canyon.

===''[[w:There Was a Crooked Man... (1970 film)|There Was a Crooked Man...]]'' (1970)===
*'''Stop 'em! Get in there and stop 'em, you chink son of a bitch! STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP!''' [''Ah-Ping grabs Legoff''] '''What're you doing?! Stop it! Let go of me! Let go of me, ah, you Chi-AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!'''
**Who: Warden Francis E. LeGoff
**Note: Said when trying to get the riot at his prison under control, but the deaf-mute prisoner Ah-Ping grabs him so hard it snaps the warden's spine fatally.

*'''No... I wouldn't do that to you, Paris...! Ask Lopeman...! I'm your FRIEND!'''
**Who: Floyd Moon
**Note: Said when trying to escape with Paris. Paris suspecting betrayal guns him down.

*'''Oh shit...'''
**Who: Paris Pitman Jr.
**Note: Character is getting his money that he stole only to be bitten by a snake. He from the poison after saying this. Lopeman leaves his body at the prison and takes the money to Mexico.

===''[[There Will Be Blood]]'' (2007)===
*'''I met a man in King City who said he was your brother. We were friends for months, working in King City. And he wanted to make his way to you Daniel. We didn’t have any money. He died of tuberculosis. He wasn’t harmed. He wasn’t killed, nothing bad. But he told me about you. I just took his story, used his diary. Daniel… Daniel? I’m your friend. I’m not trying to hurt you, just survive.'''
**Who: Henry Brands 
**Note: Character is shot in the head at point-blank range by Daniel after he makes this explanation.

*'''We're family! We're brothers! We're brothers! Daniel, please forgive me, I beg you-'''
**Who: Eli Sunday 
**Note: After this line is said, Daniel beats him to death with a bowling pin.

===''[[They Live]]'' (1988)===
*'''Fuck it.'''
**Who: Nada
**Note: Said before destroying a satellite dish which disguised the aliens living among them (aliens were disguised as humans to control the world's resources). Nada is shot by the police when he shoots the satellite.

*'''Well?'''
**Who: Frank
**Note: Last words to Nada when he and Nada storm the Cable 54 station to try and destroy the satellite dish. On their way up, they find Holly (who Nada was attracted to) but she ends up double crossing them and shoots Frank.

===''[[The Thing (1982 film)|The Thing]]'' (1982)===
*'''Who's that?'''
**Who: Fuchs
**Note: Said while trying to hunt an intruder after the power in his quarters fails. Minutes later, MacReady, Nauls and Windows find the lifeless Fuchs burned suggesting he was burned by a Thing, or burned himself before the Thing could assimilate him.

*'''Clear!'''
**Who: Dr. Copper
**Note: Called out during his attempts to restart the heart of Norris, who unbeknownst to him or anyone else has become a Thing. The Norris-Thing, mistaking Copper's attempts at defibrillation for an attack, splits its chest open and transforms it into a huge mouth which bites off Copper's arms, causing him to die from shock and blood loss.

*'''Yo.'''
**Who: Windows
**Note: Said when ordered by MacReady to tie down Palmer to see which of the remaining crew has been assimilated. Using blood flowing from slit thumbs, MacReady realizes Windows was not affected and regains a modicum of his trust. When Palmer fails the test and reveals he has become a Thing, MacReady orders Windows to burn it alive. Frozen with fear, the Palmer-Thing brutally eats Windows' head and tosses him aside. Before a Windows-Thing can be formed, MacReady reluctantly burns him after killing the Palmer-Thing.

*'''It's ''gone'', MacReady.'''
**Who: Garry
**Note: Said in response to MacReady asking if the generator can be repaired, with Garry clarifying that he means the generator's been physically removed rather than damaged or destroyed. Later, as he's setting charges to destroy the base, Garry is ambushed by the Blair-Thing, who fuses his hand into Garry's face and presumably absorbs his entire body off-screen.

===''[[The Thing (2011 film)|The Thing]]'' (2011)===
*'''Is there something wrong?'''
**Who: Olav
**Note: After the helicopter transporting Olav to get medical assistance is ordered to turn around, Olav asks this to Griggs. Griggs then reveals himself to be a Thing and attacks Olav, with the two presumably being killed in the helicopter crash.

*'''Where's Lars? Where the fuck is Lars?!'''
**Who: Peder
**Note: Carter and Jameson, having survived the earlier helicopter crash, are accused of being Things by Peder, leading to them shooting him dead when he threatens them with a flamethrower.

*'''It's going to ignite!'''
**Who: Jonas
**Note: With the fuel tank on Peder's flamethrower having been ruptured when he was killed, Jonas tries to warn off Edvard, who is severely injured by the resulting explosion. As Jonas carries him into the rec room, Edvard's left arm suddenly breaks off and transforms into a miniature Thing, which attacks and begins assimilating Jonas, forcing Kate to kill him with her own flamethrower.

*'''It's got air in the pipe.'''
**Who: Derek Jameson
**Note: As the Edvard-Thing attacks the group with a tentacle, Jameson tries to diagnose the cause of the flamethrower's malfunction. He then tries to shoot the Edvard-Thing, which in turn uses its tentacle to fatally stab Jameson in the chest. Kate then burns his body to prevent him from becoming a Thing.

*'''Burn it! No! No, no!'''
**Who: Adam Finch
**Note: Having been severely wounded by the Edvard-Thing's tentacle, Adam tries calling out to Kate and Carter, who haven't yet been able to get the flamethrower working. Before they have the chance to do so, the Edvard-Thing attacks Adam and fuses its face with his, subsequently absorbing his entire body into itself and creating the &quot;Split-Face&quot; monster seen in the 1982 film.

===''[[The Three Musketeers (1993 film)|The Three Musketeers]]'' (1993)===
*'''I might have been mistaken.'''
**Who: Rochefort
**Note: Spoken to [[w:The Three Musketeers|D'Artagan]], after being stabbed at the end of a fight he was convinced he would win. Just before this, he had said: &quot;One thing is certain, you are no Musketeer.&quot;

===''[[Thunderbolt and Lightfoot]]'' (1974)===
*'''I believe you're right.'''
**Who: Lightfoot
**Notes: John &quot;Thunderbolt&quot; Doherty's partner. As he and Lightfoot drive on celebrating their victory over their heist, Lightfoot believes Thunderbolt is right about his condition. Earlier, Red Leary had beaten Lightfoot to the point where his skull would be breached. After saying this, Lightfoot dies of his internal injuries with a smile.

===''[[Timeline (film)|Timeline]]'' (2003)===
*'''Take me with you...'''
**Who: Sir De Kere/Robert Decker
**Note: Said to Andre Marek, after being mortally wounded, when Marek reaches to take De Kere's chip, used for returning to the present.

===''[[w:Timecop|Timecop]]'' (1994)===
*'''Maaax!!!'''
**Who: Melissa Walker
**Notes: Max Walker's wife. Just before she could tell Max she was pregnant, the Walker's home is attacked by a gang of henchmen under Senator McComb from the future. She tries to yell out to Max, but their home and Melissa are blown up. Later, Max learns that McComb messed with the events of the past and makes things right, reviving Melissa in the future.

*'''Take care of yourself, Max.'''
**Who: Lyle Atwood
**Notes: Max Walker's former partner working with McComb, he is taken from the Great Depression era to face trial. As he is found guilty for refusing to testify against McComb, Lyle bids this to Max before his death sentence is carried out, with Lyle landing fatally on a 1920s car. It is unknown if he is seen again after McComb is destroyed.

*'''Keep him away from me.''' [Max: The same matter can't occupy the same space. I'm still kicking. I must be on Broadway.] '''Nooo!!!'''
**Who: Future Aaron McComb
**Notes: The future incarnation of Senator Aaron McComb from the future trying to be president. As part of his plan to rule over time, he intends to kill Max Walker and his family in the past. However, the past McComb arrives at Walker's home. While Melissa breaks free, the future McComb injures Max's wife. Then, he tries to keep the younger part of him away, but Max reminds him of how the same matter can't be in the same space, and gloats with his kicking skills, he could be on broadway. Max then kicks the younger McComb into the older one, then the two become a bloody mass that begins to dissolve until there is nothing left.

===''[[Titanic (1997 film)|Titanic]]'' (1997)===
*'''Daddy, it's a ''ship.'''''
** Who: Cora Cartmell
** Note: Her father says to her, &quot;It's a pretty big boat, huh?&quot; just before they leave. Cora says this line, correcting him. This is her only line. Cora's death is seen in a deleted scene entitled, &quot;Cora's Fate&quot;.

*'''Women and children first. Yes.'''
*''[deleted scene]'' '''This is the captain, this is the captain! Come back to the ship! The fools.'''
** Who: Captain Edward Smith
** Note: Smith gives the command to Second Officer Lightoller to begin evacuating the ship. Later, after all the lifeboats have left, he locks himself in the ship's wheelhouse as it's being overtaken by water, eventually dying when the weight of the water bursts through the windows. The second line is from a deleted scene where he fruitlessly tries to order the half-full Lifeboat No. 6 to return to the ship and collect more passengers, only for Quartermaster Hitchens to disregard his order.

*'''Captain. Captain, where should I go?'''
** Who: Third-Class lady
** Note: Asks Captain Smith this, but he does not respond. Later, the lady is seen floating dead in the water holding her baby.

*'''Where you go, I go.'''
** Who: Ida Straus
** Note: Said in a deleted scene. Ida and Isador, her husband who she said the line to, are later seen lying in bed as their room floods with water.

*'''No, thank you. We are dressed in our best and are prepared to go down as gentlemen. But we would like a brandy.'''
** Who: [[w:Benjamin Guggenheim|Benjamin Guggenheim]]
** Note: He was offered a lifebelt, but he turned it down. Later, he is seen sitting by the staircase with water surging toward him as he watches with an alarmed expression.

*'''What could possibly be funny?'''
*''[deleted scene]'' '''You little shit.'''
** Who: Lovejoy 
** Note: After attempting to shoot Rose and Jack, Cal comes up the stairs just as Lovejoy enters. Cal laughs. Lovejoy asks why he is laughing, leading Cal to tell Lovejoy that Rose is wearing the coat that the Heart of the Ocean is in. Later on, Lovejoy can be seen clinging to a rail as the ship splits apart beneath him.  The second line is from a deleted scene where he fights with Jack (revealing how he had blood on his face where he dies), who punches Lovejoy and rams his head twice, gloating &quot;Compliments of the Chippewa Falls Dawson's!&quot; before socking his gut.

*['''Murdoch:''' Stay back!] '''''WILL YOU GIVE US A CHANCE TO LIVE, YOU LIMEY BASTARD?!''''' ['''Murdoch:''' ''I'll shoot any man who tries to get past me! Get back!'']  '''''BASTARD!!'''''
** Who: Tommy Ryan
** Note: Spoken to First Officer [[w:William Murdoch|William Murdoch]], who is refusing to let any men into lifeboats. A few seconds later, Murdoch, who believes Tommy is trying to get into a lifeboat (Someone accidentally pushes Tommy forward), shoots him in the gut. Tommy dies immediately. This incident never happened in real life.

*'''''GET BACK!''''' ['''Cal:''' We had a deal, damn it!] ''[Murdoch throws money at Cal]'' ['''Crewman:''' Any more women and children?!] '''Your money can't save you any more than it can save me. ''Get back!'''''
** Who: First Officer William Murdoch
** Note: Says this while denying Hockley's permission to board a lifeboat. Someone pushes Tommy Ryan forward, leading Murdoch to believe Tommy is trying to get in. He shoots Tommy, then, realizing he has killed an innocent man, he salutes Chief Officer Henry Wilde, who sees Murdoch put a gun to his head and yells &quot;No, Will!&quot;, but he shoots himself in the head, and falls into the water. This was not the case in reality, since no one truly knows if he did shoot himself.

*'''''Bastardo!'''''
** Translation: '''Bastard!'''
** Who: Fabrizio De Rossi
** Note: Says this because [[w:William Murdoch|William Murdoch]] has shot Tommy Ryan, a good friend of Fabrizio's, dead. Later on, he is crushed by a falling funnel. Fabrizio's last word is the same as Tommy's, except Italian.

*['''Rose:''' Wait, wait, wait! Mr. Andrews.] '''Oh, Rose.''' ['''Rose:''' Won't you even make a try for it?] '''I'm sorry that I didn't build you a stronger ship, young Rose.''' ['''Jack:''' It's goin' fast. We have to move.] '''Wait.''' ''[gives Rose lifebelt]'' '''Good luck to you, Rose.''' ['''Rose:''' And to you.]
** Who: Thomas Andrews
** Said to Rose, lamenting his failure to correct the ship's design flaws, before she hugs him good-bye and leaves with Jack. He makes no attempt to save himself and perishes when the ''Titanic'' sinks. How Andrews actually died in reality is unknown.

*'''And so, they live for 300 years in the Land of ''Tir Na Nog,'' the Land of Eternal Youth and Beauty.'''
** Who: Irish mother
** Note: Telling her children a bedtime story as the ship sinks, not having been able to get off. The children do not seem to understand what is going on.

*'''Gentleman, it has been a privilege playing with you tonight.'''
** Who: Wallace Hartley, bandmaster of the Titanic orchestra
** Note: Says this to the other band members as water surges toward them. The band had chosen to stay behind and continue playing a heartfelt performance of [[w:Nearer My God to Thee|Nearer My God to Thee]].

*'''No! You'll swamp us!'''
** Who: Caledon &quot;Cal&quot; Hockley
** Note: Yells this as people swarm the lifeboat he is in, and he fights them off, making these his last spoken words in the movie. 101-year-old Rose reveals that 17 years later, after the Wall Street Crash of 1929 financially ruined him, he committed suicide by putting a pistol in his mouth and pulling the trigger.

*'''Get those breakers in! Keep them in!'''
** Who: Chief Engineer Joseph Bell
** Note: Gives this order to the workers while struggling to maintain the ship's electrical power as it sinks. He dies off-screen moments later when the ship breaks apart.

*'''Return the boats!'''
** Who: Chief Officer Henry Wilde
** Note: Tries to recall the lifeboats to pick up people in the water after the ship goes down. By the time Fifth Officer Harold Lowe comes looking for survivors, Wilde has succumbed to hypothermia.

*'''Promise me now, Rose...and never let go of that promise.''' ['''Rose:''' I promise.] '''Never let go.''' ['''Rose:''' I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go.]
** Who: Jack Dawson
** Note: Said to Rose. Realizing that he will not survive, he makes Rose, who is lying down a wooden board, promise him that she will not give up and that she will live on, as he slowly dies of [[w:Hypothermia|hypothermia]]. Rose later sees a lifeboat coming and tries to tell Jack but soon, she realizes that Jack has died. Remembering the promise she made to Jack, she tries to call out, but her voice is weak from hypothermia. Then she lets go of his dead hand, ad after she says, &quot;I'll never let go. I promise.&quot;, she kisses his hand and lets him to sink below the water.

===''[[w:To Live and Die in L.A. (film)|To Live and Die in L.A.]]'' (1985)===
*'''How you doing, pal. This is from Jimmy Hart from the desert. Remember this? Suck on that for a while.'''
**Who: Richard Chance ([[w:William L. Peterson|William L. Peterson]])
**Note: Said to Rick Master's right before being shot by one of Rick's henchmen.

*'''Why didn't you take the deal Grimmes offered ya? Wouldn't blow over on your partner, huh?'''
**Who: Rick Masters ([[w:Willem Dafoe|Willem Dafoe]])

===''[[Tombstone (film)|Tombstone]]'' (1993)===
*'''Remember what I said about seein' a light when you die? It ain't true. I can't see a damn thing.'''
**Who: Morgan Earp ([[w:Bill Paxton|Bill Paxton]])

===''[[Tomorrowland (film)|Tomorrowland]]'' (2015)===
*'''The girl.'''
**Who: Ursula Gernsback
**Note: Said before Athena decapitates her and self-destructs.

*'''Crazy enough to imagine. Crazy enough to imagine...'''
**Who: Hugo Gernsback
**Note: Said after he is accidentally impaled by Ursula and before he self-destructs.

*'''You wanna tell me what's going on here, son?'''
**Who: Police Captain
**Note: Said before Dave Clark (who is revealed to be a robot) disintigrates him with a plasma gun.

*'''John Francis Walker, by authority of Governor Nix, this unit has been authorized to extinguish your life.'''
**Who: Dave Clark
**Note: Said before he is blown apart.

*'''Goodbye, Frank.'''
**Who: Athena
**Note: Said before she shuts down and self-destructs.

*'''Oh, bollocks.'''
**Who: David Nix
**Note: Said before he is crushed to death by the Monitor's remains.

===''Top Gun'' films===
====''[[Top Gun]]'' (1986)====
*'''I'm trying! I'm trying!'''
**Who: LtJG. Nick &quot;Goose&quot; Bradshaw
**Note: Said while trying to reach the ejection handle when he and Maverick are caught in a flatspin caused by Iceman. Goose is killed when he ejects head-first into the jettisoned canopy.

====''[[Top Gun: Maverick]]'' (2022)====
*'''One last thing. Who's the better pilot? You or me?'''
**Who: Adm. Tom &quot;Iceman&quot; Kazansky
**Note: Said during his last conversation with Maverick, who answers &quot;This is a nice moment. Let's not ruin it.&quot; Iceman dies of throat cancer later on.

===''[[Total Recall]]'' (1990)===
*'''Uh-uh, pal, you got yourself mixed up with somebody else!'''
**Who: Harry
**Notes: Character is threatening Quaid/Hauser for endangering the mission Cohagen had sent them on. But in defense, Quaid uses his leg to snap Harry's neck, then kills his three thugs after that.

*'''The walls of reality will come crashing down. One minute, you'll be the savior of the rebel cause; next thing you know, you'll be Cohaagen's bosom buddy. You even have fantasies about alien civilizations as you requested; but in the end, back on Earth, you'll be lobotomized! So get a grip on yourself, Doug, and put down that gun!''' ''[Quaid lowers his gun]'' '''Good, now take the pill and put it in your mouth.''' ''[Quaid sets a pill in his mouth]'' '''Swallow it!'''
**Who: Dr. Edgemar
**Notes: Being the spokesman of Rekall, Dr. Edgemar tries to convince Quaid to believe that he is in a delusion and swallow a red pill to return to reality. But Quaid spots sweat on Edgemar's face, suggesting that he is fearing for his life and therefore lying, and guns him down.

*'''Sweetheart, be reasonable. After all, we're married.'''
**Who: Lori Quaid
**Note: Character is trying to get Douglas Quaid/Carl Hauser to drop his guard, but he doesn't fall for it and shoots her in the head, then tells her to &quot;Consider that a divorce.&quot;

*'''Quaid... Quaid... start the reactor... free Mars...'''
**Who: Kuato
**Note: Character is dying from a gunshot wound from the treacherous Benny. He begs Quaid to trigger the reactor left by aliens in order to give Mars a breathable atmosphere. Richter then shoots Kuato in the head, cutting his last words short.

*'''Where the fuck are you?!'''
**Who: Benny
**Note: Character loses track of Quaid while trying to mow him and Melina down with a mining tank. When Quaid uses a handheld drill to breakthrough the tank, he gloats &quot;SCREW YOU!&quot; then impales Benny.

*'''You're coming with me!''' ''[Quaid pulls Richter closer as another part of the ceiling comes in]'' '''NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!'''
**Who: Richter
**Note: Cohaagen's top henchman who wanted to kill Quaid/Hauser for making love with his girlfriend, Lori. During the battle near the Mars reactor, Richter fights Quaid in an elevator and tries to pull him off to their deaths. However, Quaid uses a part of the ceiling to sever Richter's arms, making him fall instead. Quaid then throws the arms and bids &quot;See you at the party, Richter!&quot;

*'''No! Don't do it! We'll all die! Everybody will die! No!'''
**Who: Vilos Cohaagen
**Note: The corrupt headman of the Mars Colonial city. He says this claiming that the Mars Reactor's activation will kill all life on Mars, but is blown outside to Mars' toxic atmosphere. While Quaid barely manages to activate the reactor just in time, Cohaagen convulses from Mars' toxic air and dies while his eyes and tongue bulge out.

===''[[w:The Happytime Murders|The Happytime Murders]]'' (2018)===
*'''Freeze, punk.'''
**Who: Vinny

*'''What the...'''
**Who: Bob the Octopus

*'''Please, I have 48 kids.'''
**Who: Bumblypants

*'''Hey, Brittenie! Hurry back cause it's hot tub is too hot to handle without you.'''
**Who: Larry Philips

*'''They're not friends of mine.'''
**Who: Lyle

*'''The Wife!'''
**Who: Goofer

*'''He won't shoot me. He's a blue loser puppet with a tiny felt cock!'''
**Who: Sandra

===''Tokyo Gore Police''===
*No! No! [Ruka: Go to hell!] No! NO! Don't! Stop wait!
**Who: Tokyo Police Commissioner General
**Note: The Tokyo police commissioner who is the true villain behind the murder of Ruka's father. With Ruka having become a monstrous engineer herself, she fights the commissioner in a tense sword fight even when he uses his blood like a jetpack. When rendered at her mercy, he pleads this but Ruka says &quot;It's time for you, to RETIRE!&quot; and decapitates him.

===''[[The Towering Inferno]]'' (1974)===
*'''Hey!'''
**Who: Will Giddings
**Note: Engineer for the Glass Tower, he says this as he pushes a security guard away from the burning storage room door catching fire himself. He dies of his injuries off camera the first of the casualties of the Glass Tower fire.

*'''Turn your face away.''' ''[Lorrie turns her face away as the door is opened and the flames are raging, and Dan Bigelow closes the door.]'' ['''Lorrie:''' There never were any firemen, were there?] '''I said that to make it easier on you. I switched off the phones. There's no way to call out. Nobody knows we're up here.''' ['''Lorrie:''' Well, I always did want to die in vain.] '''Nobody's going to die.''' ['''Lorrie:''' For one thing, at least they'll never find out about us, will they?] ''[Bigelow reconsiders what Lorrie said, then he decides to put wet towels on his head and run through the flames]'' '''I used to run the 110 Flat.''' ''[opens door as the fire rages]'' ['''Lorrie:''' Don't go.] '''I'll be back with the whole fire department.''' ''[looks to the flames]'' '''On your mark...'''
**Who: Dan Bigelow
**Note: Duncan's chief of Public Relations for the Glass Tower. While preparing for the party, he realizes the 65th floor is on fire and learns he cut off the phone lines. Determined to save himself and his girlfriend Lorrie, Dan Bigelow promises this to her and rushes through the flames with a wet towel. Sadly, his efforts are in vain, and he is burned alive.

*'''''DAN!!!!!!'''''
**Who: Lorrie
**Note: Said after Dan Bigelow is caught on fire and dies after trying in vain to get the Fire Department. As Lorrie is choking of the smoke, she uses a chair to break a window which, unfortunately, causes a backdraft. Then she shrieks as she is lit ablaze, and jumps out of the window while screaming, and falls to her death.

===''[[The Toxic Avenger]]'' (1984)===
*'''I owe you for the other night, monster faggot! So now we're gonna give you six new assholes, compliments of me, Cigar Face! Fire!'''
**Who: Cigar Face
**Note: Said to Toxie as Cigar face and his men surround him to shoot him. They fire at Toxie, but he quickly jumps out of the way and the bullets hit each other, killing them.

*'''Give me the wheel! Just give me the wheel, you're gonna kill both of us!!'''
**Who: Bozo
**Note: Said to Toxie who literally gives Bozo the wheel by ripping it out the car; The car ends up driving off a cliff and explodes, killing Bozo but leaves Toxie unharmed.

*'''Get away from me! No, please don't! Ah, get away from me, leave me alone! I'll make you a deal, I'll give you 10%, anything, just leave me alone! Don't hurt me, I'm too young to die, please don't hurt me, please!!!'''
**Who: Mayor Belgoody
**Note: Said to Toxie while begging not to be hurt. However, Toxie proceeds to rip out the Mayor's intestines.

===''[[This is The End]]'' (2013)===
*'''WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!'''
**Who: Cashier
**Note

*'''Oh my God, I'm gonna die!!!!'''
**Who: Christopher Mintz Plasse
**Note: Said while falls in the sinkhole

===''Train to Busan'' (2016)===
*'''Are you on your way?''' [Seok-woo: Yes, we're en route. ''[zombie noises are heard]'' Where are you? Why is it so loud?] '''What's happening? Everyone's fighting. Are you and su-an okay?''' [Mrs. Woo begins to breathe eratically Seok-woo: Why're you breathing like that?] '''Seok-woo, my baby. Please take care of Su-an.''' [Seok-woo: Mom, you okay?] '''My dear, Su-an...I love her so much, but she only...wants her mom!? That bitch...!'''
**Who: Mrs. Woo (Seok-woo's mother)
**Note: Seok-woo's mother. Seok-woo takes the call from his already bitten off-camera mother who spouts barbs about his wife and implores him to get Su-an to safety in Busan before she turns into a zombie.

*'''Yoon Su-yun! Our baby's name! Got it?!'''
**Who: Yoon Sang-hwa
**Note: A husband on the train with his wife, Seong-kyeong pregnant with a soon to be born child. Having been bitten while getting his wife and Su-an to safety, he holds the door long enough to tell the name of his soon to be born child. He holds the zombies at bay until he is infected and the zombies overpower him.

*'''You idiot. Good riddance. Always helping yourself before others. Why'd you have to do that? What was the point? So stupid...What a load of shit.''' ''[Jong-gil goes to take one last look at her zombified sister]'' '''Thank you for everything.'''
**Who: Jong-gil
**Note: An elder who loses her sister to the zombies while traveling. She admonishes Yon-suk and the other passengers who confidently took his side for going against Seok-woo's party out of fear they were infected on the way to the passenger's car. She sees her zombified sister one last time and deliberately allows the zombies access to get back at Yon-suk, allowing the zombies to kill her and the other passengers who unfortunately chose to stay with the COO.

*'''What now?!'''
**Who: Jin-hee
**Note: A highschool cheerleader who was to cheer for Yong-guk's team in an away baseball game. She says this after she and her boyfriend are separated from Seok-woo's party trying to transfer to another train. While Yong-guk tries to open a locked train door, Yon-suk forces her into the path of a zomboe which bites her leg. She turns while Yong-guk mourns her.

*'''This can't be...I'm sorry...'''
**Who: Min Yong-guk
**Note: A highschool baseballer who was to take part in an away game. At the railyard, Yon-suk forces Jin-hee into the path of the zombies. Yong-guk says these mourning his girlfriend who turns and bites him.

*'''Help me...!'''
**Who: KTX Captain
**Note: The conductor of the KTX train to Busan. He is bitten by zombies as he pleads this to Yon-suk.

*'''Go! Hurry!'''
**Who: Homeless man
**Note: An unnamed man who travels with Seok-woo's party. At East Daegu station railyard, the zombies burst from a broken down train and this man says these as he sacrifices himself to hold off the zombies who overpower him.

*'''Mister...I'm so scared...Please, take me home...! My mom is waiting for me...! My address is...Suyoung District, Busan...Please help me!''' [Seok-woo: You. You're infected.] '''No...No...! No! I can't be...! No!'''
**Who: Yon-suk
**Note: The COO of Stallion Express who cowardly tries to save himself and ensure his own safe arrival in Busan by any means. As the KTX captain gets one train on its route, Yon-suk boards and is infected along the way. In his delusions, he pleads these to Seok-woo before giving into his infection. After an intense fight, the zombified Yon-suk bites the fund manager's hand until Seok-woo throws him from the train.

*'''Sweetie. Look at me. Su-an. It's okay. Look at me, look at me, sweetie. Su-an, I need you to...listen to me. Stay with her, no matter what happens. Okay? It'll be...It'll be safe in Busan. Okay?!'''
**Who: Seok-woo
**Note: A fund manager who is the father of Su-an. Having been bitten by the infected Yon-suk on the transfered train taking them to Busan, he says these to his daughter for her to stick with Seong-kyeong for the rest of the ride. With no way back, he thinks of his time with Su-an then casts himself from the train so as to not put his daughter, Seong-kyeong or anyone in Busan in danger.

===''[[Training Day]]'' (2001)===
*'''What a day! What a motherfuckin' day!'''
**Who: Alonzo Harris
**Note: Said after he has been effectively brought down by Jake Hoyt after the events of the day. He drives away afterwards and is shot to death by the Russian mobsters he was supposed to pay.

===''[[Transformers (film series)|Transformers]]'' film series===
:''See ''[[last words in Transformers media|''last words in ''Transformers'' media'']]''.''

===''[[w:Triple Cross (1966 film)|Triple Cross]]'' (1966)===
*'''You know what your orders are... if I resist arrest?''' [''Grunen smokes a cigarette''] '''I command you to carry out your orders!'''
**Who: Col. Baron von Grunen
**Note: Said when facing arrest by Col. Steinhäger. He instead walks away to refuse going to court martial and is gunned down by SS-Hauptsturmführer Keller. Steinhäger then says &quot;It wasn't necessary. Somebody else would have done it for us.&quot;

===''[[Troll 2]]'' (1990)===
*'''Let's hide in this house.'''
**Who: Cindy
**Note: Said as she accompanied a wounded Arnold to a house in order to hide from a pack of goblins. There, she is poisoned with a broth given to her by the goblin's queen, Creedence Leonore Gielgud. The broth turns her into a vegetable, and she is consumed by goblins shortly after, prompting the infamous &quot;Oh my God!&quot; line delivery by Arnold.

*'''I don't feel so good.'''
**Who: Drew
**Note: Said as he attempted to drag Arnold (who has been turned into a plant and potted) out of Creedence's mansion. Drew had previously consumed tainted Nilbog milk, causing him to become sick and presumably die off-camera.

*'''No, please, ma'am. I beg you, uh, what are you gonna do...what are you gonna do to me with that?'''
**Who: Arnold
**Note: Having been turned into a plant and potted by Creedence Leonore Gielgud after drinking the same poisoned broth as Cindy, Arnold says this to a chainsaw-wielding Gielgud just before he is cut out of the pot (while laughing uncontrollably) and turned into a milkshake. He is presumably consumed by a then-unconscious Drew, who was knocked out by Creedence for attempting to escape with Arnold.

*'''Cut it out, kid. You'll never be able to stop us. And as for you, old man, go back to your kingdom of shadows. I order you, for the sacred power of the magic stone and its lord, go back to hell!'''
**Who: Preacher Bells
**Note: After stealing the Molotov cocktail that Joshua and Grandpa Seth's ghost were going to use to burn the goblins to death, Bells proclaims this and uses his power to send Grandpa Seth back to hell. At the last moment, Grandpa Seth casts a &quot;sacred spell&quot; taught to him by a friend and summons a lightning bolt, which blows up the cocktail in the Preacher's hand and causes him to burn to death.

*'''No more. No more popcorn.'''
**Who: Brent
**Note: Brent had been seduced by Creedence in an unusual manner that involved kissing a corn cob together, resulting in a massive amount of popcorn flooding the RV. Line is said after Brent surfaces from underneath the popcorn and &quot;drowns&quot; off-screen.

*'''Remember, it's only the power of goodness that can defeat the goblins.'''
**Who: Grandpa Seth
**Note: After the Waits family held a séance that gave him ten minutes to attain a physical presence in the real world before being permanently sent back to the afterlife, this line is said to Joshua as he begins to fade from the world.

*'''Aah! Don't do it! Think about the fats in your blood! Think about the cholesterol! Think about the toxins! Oh! Oh! No! NO!!!'''
*'''INGRATE!!!! AAAAAGGGH!!!!!!'''
**Who: Creedence Leonore Gielgud
**Note: First line is said after Joshua produces Grandpa Seth's secret weapon against the goblins: A double-decker bologna sandwich (which makes Joshua poisonous to the vegetarian goblins when consumed). The second line is said as Joshua and his family use the power of goodness on Stonehenge to kill Creedence and the goblins.

*'''I think I'll take a shower first.'''
**Who: Diana Waits
**Note: Said to Joshua while eating an apple, which has been tainted by the four goblins in disguise as the Presents family during the house swap. Off-camera, the tainted food turns Diana into a plant, and Joshua discovers the goblins, previously disguised as the Presents family who took over their home during their exchange in the country consuming the remains in the kitchen.

*'''They're... eating my mom.'''
**Who: Joshua Waits
**Note: Said to himself when he finds a group of four goblins, previously disguised as the Presents family, eating his mother transformed into a plant by their magical poison they put on the fruit. When one goblin saw him and asked him, &quot;Do you want some, Joshua?&quot;, Joshua instead screams in horror before the film ends, fading into black and making his fate unknown.

===''[[Trolls (film)|Trolls]]'' (2016)===
*[Prince Gristle Jr.: But, Daddy...I never got to eat a Troll. What's gonna make me happy now?] '''Come here, son...nothing. Absolutely nothing. You will never, never, never, never be happy.''' [Prince Gristle Jr.: Never?] '''Ever.'''
**Who: King Gristle Sr.
**Note: He blames Chef for letting the Trolls escape (as she was responsible for the preparation of the feast) and banishes her from Bergentown, prompting Chef to vow revenge on Bergentown for her humiliation. That night, Prince Gristle asks what will make him happy now that the Trolls have escaped. The King picks up his son and sadly tells that nothing will make him feel happy. 20 years later, Prince Gristle is now King of the Bergens, hinting that his father either died, stepped down or was dethroned.

*'''Watch out, Branch!'''
**Who: Grandma Rosiepuff
**Note: She ran up just in time to push Branch out of the way of Chef's hand that reached down to scoop him up. He fell off the tree and down to the ground, calling out, &quot;Grandma?!&quot; --But it was too late. Chef had grabbed his grandmother and carried her off. The last we hear from her are shrieks of fear and pain. When Branch found out Grandma Rosiepuff was killed by being eaten, he blamed himself for not hearing her warnings. He was devastated and scarred for life, making his colors turn the gray-blue we see him as for most of the film. Since he lost his true colors when he was only five years old, he was without his true colors for most of his life.

*'''But wait, wait, wait!'''
**Who: Creek
**Note: After Poppy and the other Trolls make peace with the Bergens, Creek, along with Chef is knocked out of the Bergen castle. Chef then betrays Creek by trying to eat him, but before this can happen, both are eaten alive by a hill monster.

===''[[Tron (franchise)|Tron]]'' films===
:''See ''[[last words in Tron media|''last words in ''Tron'' media'']]''.''

===''[[Tropic Thunder]]'' (2008)===
*'''Oh.'''
**Who: Damien Cockburn
**Note: Said after stepping on a land mine. Said land mine explodes and kills him a split-second later.

===''[[Troy (film)|Troy]]'' (2004)===
*'''The fight is not over! Stand back, Prince Hector. I'll kill him at your feet, I don't care!'''
**Who: Menelaus
**Note: Character has challenged Paris to a duel after Helen's elopement with him, and insists on killing Paris even when he surrenders. Hector kills Menelaus in his brother's defence.

*'''So you're the best of the Trojans!'''
**Who: Ajax
**Note: Character says this to Hector while trying to crush him. Hector manages to break free and kill him.

*'''I thought it was you I was fighting yesterday, and I wish it had been you. But I gave the dead boy the honor he deserved.'''
**Who: Hector
**Notes: Character has been challenged by Achilles, who seeks revenge for Hector slaying his cousin Patroclus. Achilles kills Hector in the following duel.

*'''The boatman waits for us. I say we make him wait a little longer!'''
*'''Paris! Save yourself!'''
**Who: Glaucus
**Note: Character is killed by Odysseus while making one last stand against the Greeks (he is describing Charon, the ferryman of the Underworld in Greek mythology). (The second quote is from the Director's Cut, in which Glaucus urges Paris to escape before his death.)

*'''Have you no honour?! HAVE YOU NO HONOUR?!'''
*'''Please...Troy's children...spare the innocents...'''
**Who: Priam
**Notes: Character is killed by Agamemnon as Greek soldiers destroy a temple. (The second quote is from the Director's Cut, in which Priam begs Agamemnon to spare Troy's children with his last breath.)

*'''You'll be my slave in Mycenae. A Trojan priestess scrubbing my floors. And at night-'''
**Who: Agamemnon
**Notes: Character is speaking to Briseis as he attempts to abduct her during the sacking of Troy. She stabs him in the throat.

*'''You gave me peace, in a lifetime of war. Now go...go...go...'''
**Who: Achilles
**Notes: Character is speaking to his lover, Briseis, after being hit by multiple arrows (the first arrow hitting his heel, while the rest hit him in the chest) fired by Briseis' cousin, Paris, who had originally thought Achilles was trying to kidnap Briseis, but stops when Briseis begs him. After Briseis and Paris leave, Achilles removes the arrows lodged in his chest, but dies before he could remove the arrow in his heel, making the Greek soldiers who arrive shortly after believe that he was killed by that one arrow.

===''[[True Grit (2010 film)|True Grit]]'' (2010)===
*'''If you blow, I will kill you!'''
**Who: Emmett Quincy
**Notes: Said as Moon, an accomplice, reveals details about a meeting with Ned Pepper. Quincy mortally wounds him, and Cogburn shoots him dead moments later.

*'''I will meet him again walking the streets of glory.'''
**Who: Moon
**Notes: Referring to his brother, who he had just mentioned.

*'''Well, Rooster, I'm shot to pieces. Seems as though neither of us is to see Judge Parker.'''
**Who: &quot;Lucky&quot; Ned Pepper
**Notes: Said after a gunfight with Cogburn, holding him at gunpoint. LeBoeuf snipes him moments later.

*'''I'm growing old...'''
**Who: Reuben &quot;Rooster&quot; Cogburn
**Notes: Last on-screen words. Character is revealed to have died 25 years on from the film's events.

*'''Your father was a busybody like you. In honesty, I do not regret shooting him. He thought Tom Chaney was small. And you...you would give me an affidavit. You are all against me. Everything is...'''
**Who: Tom Chaney
**Notes: He is knocked unconscious after this line is said; however, he says nothing after recovering, and is eventually shot dead by Mattie.

===''[[Twister]]'' (1996)===
*'''I can't hold it anymore!'''
**Who: Mr. Thornton
**Notes: Jo's father years prior to the story. In Kansas, Mr. Thornton spotted a tornado heading for the Thornton farm and got his family to shelter. He held onto the shelter door crying this to keep his wife and daughter Jo from being carried away in the storm. Eventually the tornado carries him to his death and though his wife and daughter survived, the farm is devastated.

*'''The base is so HUGE! It must be at least a mile wide!'''
**Who: Eddie
**Notes: Jonas' driver on his team. When he spots a massive tornado, he comments on its mile-wide size. Despite Bill and Jo's warnings, he is killed when a piece of debris pierces him through the windshield of Miller's pickup truck.

*'''LOOK OUT!'''
**Who: Jonas Miller
**Notes: A scientist competing with Bill and Jo Harding to gather data on a tornado for an early warning system. Bill and Jo try to warn him to make their D.O.T.3 load heavier or get out. Sadly, when he spots debris heading towards his truck, Jonas yells this but he and Eddie are carried upwards by the tornado and their truck is blown up on impact with the ground.

===''[[Twisters]]'' (2024)===

==U==
===''[[Underworld (film series)|Underworld]]'' series===
====''[[Underworld (2003 film)|Underworld]]'' (2003)====
*'''It has already begun.'''
**Who: Singe
**Notes: Said after it is reported that Amelia has been killed and bled dry. Knowing what it means, Singe says this line and laughs, before Viktor kills him.

*'''Lucian!'''
**Who: Raze
**Notes: Said after finding Lucian &quot;dead&quot;, before transforming into his Lycan form. He tries to attack Viktor, but is promptly killed.

*'''You may have killed me...cousin. But my will...is done regardless.'''
**Who: Lucian
**Notes: Said to Kraven after Selene bites Michael, turning him into a Hybrid. Kraven then shoots Lucian to death.

*'''Time to die!'''
**Who: Viktor
**Notes: Said to Michael Corvin while strangling him. Selene then takes Viktor's own sword and cuts his head in two.

====''[[Underworld: Evolution]]'' (2006)====
*'''Please...I can assist you.'''
**Who: Kraven
**Notes: Said to Markus, after he drinks his blood to learn his memories, before he cuts Kraven's head in half.

*'''Please. Please. I beg you, please. Please, I beg you.'''
**Who: Andreas Tanis
**Notes: Said to Markus as he prepares to drink his blood to learns his memories. Markus then bites his throat open.

*'''Go now.'''
**Who: Alexander Corvinus
**Notes: Said to Selene, after prompting her to drink his blood. She then leaves with the Cleaners, and Alexander kills himself by blowing up his ship.

*'''You all right?'''
**Who: Samuel
**Notes: Said to one of the Cleaners, who Selene catches as he almost falls off a bridge. William then grabs and kills him.

*'''I knew Viktor made a mistake keeping you as a pet. He should have killed you, with the rest of your family.'''
**Who: Markus Corvinus
**Notes: Said after impaling Selene through the chest with one of his wing spears. Selene then rips the spear off, impales Markus through the skull, and then shoves him into the helicopter blades behind him, slicing him to pieces.

===''[[Unforgiven]]'' (1992)===
*'''I'll see you in hell, William Munny.'''
**Who: Little Bill Daggett

===''[[Universal Soldier (1992 film)|Universal Soldier]]'' (1992)===
*'''Kill her! Kill that motherfucking traitor...! THAT'S AN ORDER!!!!'''
*'''You're dead soldier...'''
**Who: Sgt. Andrew Scott
**Note: Luc Deveraux's former superior gone crazy believing everyone to be traitors. He orders this to Luc who refuses to comply and the deranged sergeant kills the two Vietnamese villagers anyway. In a fit of rage, Luc and Scott kill each other. Their deaths are covered as &quot;misisng in action&quot; and they are reanimated as Universal Soldiers. For his second last words, Scott says these during his final fight with Luc who replies &quot;No... I'm alive!&quot; remembering his reanimation process. Luc impales Scott on a hay harvester and to make certain, shreds him to bloodied pieces as he tauntingly bids &quot;You're discharged, Sarge...!&quot;

*'''NOOOOO...!!!'''
**Who: Luc Deveraux
**Note: A cajun soldier who partook in the Vietnam War. Upon learning his sergeant had lost his mind, he fights his former comrade and kills him before dying of his wounds. Their deaths are covered as &quot;misisng in action&quot; and they are reanimated as Universal Soldiers.

*'''Hey, she didn't do anything!'''
**Who: Huey Taylor
**Note: Veronica Roberts' cameraman for CNA. When captured by Scott/GR13 and Luc/GR44, the former GR's memories trigger causing him to say these and Scott blatantly executes the cameraman. Veronica is framed for the crime.

*'''Get back into the truck, GR13. The mission is canceled! GR13; I said it's over.'''
**Who: Col. Perry
**Note: The colonel being the UniSol project. With his evidence about to go public, he decides to cancel his mission and when he tries to call out to Scott/GR13, the UniSol revels in his real name before firing a bullet into Perry's eye and usurps command of the UniSol team.

===''[[Unstoppable (2010 film)|Unstoppable]]'' (2010)===
*'''Slow down, goddamn it!'''
**Who: Judd Stewart
**Note: Character says this line while trying to slow down 777 with his own lash-up train. The attempt goes wrong and the lash-up is subsequently derailed. As a result, it blows up, killing Stewart.

===''[[Untamed Heart]]'' (1993)===
*'''It was a good game, eh?'''
**Who: Adam
**Notes: Character is returning home from a hockey game on his birthday with his girlfriend. After their romantic day together, he quietly dies of a heart defect in the car.

===''[[The Untouchables]]''===
*'''What are you prepared to do...?!'''
**Who: Jim Malone
**Notes: A member of Ness's Untouchables team. He chases the Bowtie Driver out of his home but is riddled with machine gun fire by Frank Nitti. Giving Ness information on Al Capone's secondary bookkeeper Payne, he says this before dying of his injuries.

*'''One...!'''
**Who: Bowtie Driver
**Notes: One of Al Capone's flunkies. He demands that he and the bookkeeper Payne be allowed safe passage out of Chicago or else he would execute him in front of Ness and George Stone. He starts his countdown at this number, but Stone shoots the henchman squarely in the head and says &quot;Two!&quot;

*'''He died screaming, like a stuck Irish pig. Now you think about that when I beat the rap.''' ''[angered by this, Ness grabs Nitti and pushes him toward the rooftop ledge]'' '''Hey, hey, HEY!'''
**Who: Frank Nitti
**Notes: Al Capone's top henchman. Despite losing his fight with Elliot Ness, Nitti is confident that he will escape justice having killed Jim Malone. But Ness throws him off the courthouse rooftop with Nitti screaming. Ness then yells out &quot;DID HE SOUND ANYTHING LIKE THAT?!&quot; while Nitti falls fatally through a car.

===''[[Up (2009 film)|Up]]'' (2009)===
*'''Enough! I'm bringing that bird back with me, ALIVE... OR DEAD!'''
**Who: Charles Muntz
**Notes: Character had long sought after a rare bird, found in South America, and was convinced that main character Carl Fredrickson was attempting to steal the creature. He attempted to dispatch of Carl in several ways, but eventually tumbled off of his zeppelin to his death.

===''[[The Usual Suspects]]'' (1995)===
*'''What time is it?'''
**Who: Dean Keaton

*'''Hello.'''
**Who: Todd Hockney

*'''It's the strangest thing...'''
**Who: Michael McManus

==V==
===''[[w:Vampire Hunter D (1985 film)|Vampire Hunter D]]''===
*'''Tell me, was your father our sire Count Dracula?'''
**Who: Count Magnus Lee
**Notes: After being impaled against the wall in their final confrontation, Count Lee asks about D's birth father but dies without an answer.

===''[[w:Virus (1999 film)|Virus]]'' (1999)===
*'''That's pretty impressive. All it needs is a head...Wait a minute...You don't mean...?''' ''[Avatar nods]''
*I'm still your captain, Foster... You must learn some respect
**Who: Captain Everton
**Notes: Everton has allowed the Alien computer virus to attach his head to one of it's cyborg minions. After he says this, one of their crewmates sticks a thermite bomb in his body cavity.

===''[[V for Vendetta (film)|V for Vendetta]]'' (2006)===
*'''You. It is you.''' [V: The Ghost of Christmas Past.]
**Who: Lewis Prothero
**Note: V reminds him of the times when Prothero was a commander. From that information, he figures out V's identity and says this line, while V says his line. It is unknown how he died afterwards, but it is revealed that V gave him one of his roses and killed him afterwards.

*'''I'm so sorry.'''
**Who: Delia Surridge
**Notes: Delia, the only person involved with Norsefire's power grab who feels any remorse for what she did, has been fatally poisoned by V. She asks if an apology will mean anything, and when he says it will, she apologizes, then dies.

*'''Die! Die! Why won't you die!? Why won't you die?''' [V: Beneath this mask, there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask, there is an idea, Mr. Creedy. And ideas are bulletproof.]
**Who: Peter Creedy
**Notes: V kills him after temporarily surviving a hail of gunfire.

*[Evey: I don't want you to die...] '''That is the most beautiful thing you could ever have given me.'''
**Who: V
**Notes: Character is dying from gunshot wounds after killing Creedy and his men. Dialogue at previous points at the film indicated that he expected to die.

===''[[Vanilla Sky]]'' (2001)===
*'''I'll see you in another life...when we are both cats.'''
**Who: David Aames
**Notes: The ending implies that he may not be dead, though it is up to interpretation.

===''[[w:The Vikings (film)|The Vikings]]'' (1958)===
*'''It is by his right.'''
**Who: Queen Enid
**Notes: The widow of the King of Northumbria who had conceived Ragnar's child. She notices the birthright the pommel stone of the Northumbrian royal sword Requiter on his necklace. They work to protect his identity. Twenty years after this, she passes away.

*'''Odin!'''
**Who: Ragnar Lodbrok
**Notes: The fearsome viking king who is father to Einar. When taken captive by Aella, Eric is ordered to cast him bounded into a pit of wolves. Not wishing him to die in disgrace, he cuts his ropes and loans him the sword to allow him to enter Valhalla. Ragnar yells this in euphoria even as he jumps into the pit and is eaten alive by the wolves. As punishment, Eric's left hand is severed.

*'''ODIN!'''
**Who: Einar
**Notes: A Viking who was the child of King Ragnar and half brother of Eric. In his final fight with Eric, he hesitates for the killing stroke allowing his brother Eric to run him through with his sword. In his final throes of life, Eric loans him his sword for passageway into Valhalla and cries this out before dying of his injuries.

===''[[Volcano (film)|Volcano]]'' (1997)===
* '''I'M BURNING!!!'''
** Who: Rachel
** Note: Killed by a rush of hot gases in a storm sewer during a powerful earthquake.
* '''Get outta here!'''
** Who: Stan Olber
** Note: Said while saving the derailed subway train driver, sacrificing himself after falling in the lava.
* '''Tower clear.'''
** Who: Gator Harris
** Note: Said before he and an LAPD Bomb Squad officer (trapped under debris) sacrifice their lives to detonate the final explosive charge to divert the lava towards the ocean.

==W==
===''[[Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story]]'' (2007)===
*'''Holy shit.'''
**Who: Nate Cox
**Notes: Said after being cut in half and seeing the bottom half of his body fall down.

*'''I'm okay!'''
**Who: Ma Cox
**Notes: Said after surviving tripping on a radio wire, and falling out of a window. She died when the radio fell out through the same window and crushed her head.

*'''I love...I love..'''
*'''You know those three words you always wanted to hear? Well, here they are. I love y-'''
**Who: Pa Cox
**Notes: His last words are different between the theatrical version and the director's cut. The first line is said in the theatrical version, after cutting himself in half while trying to kill Dewey. He gets over his grudge against Dewey and tries to say &quot;I love you&quot;, but dies before saying the last word. In the director's cut, he says the second line, again dying before he can finish the last word.

===''[[WALL·E]]'' (2008)===
*'''Halt.'''
**Who: SECUR-T
**Note: Near the end of the film, Wall-E, EVE and a group of &quot;Reject Bots&quot; are surrounded by SECUR-Ts sent by Auto. Those robots are destroyed by EVE's laser fire, and a malfunctioning massage robot.

*[Captain McCrea: ''[sees the manual switch while struggling]'' Auto, you are relieved of duty! ''[flips switch from AUTO to MANUAL]''] '''Nooooooooo...'''
**Who: AUTO
**Notes: Said as he is deactivated by Captain McCrea.

===''[[Wanted (2008 film)|Wanted]]'' (2008)===
*'''Never send a sheep to kill a wolf.''' [Cross: They were just decoys. Goodbye, Mr X.]
**Who: Mr X

*'''A thousand...'''
**Who: The Exterminator

*'''You're my son...'''
**Who: Cross

*'''Pussy.'''
**Who: Butcher

*'''Fuck the code.'''
**Who: Gunsmith

*'''Oh, fuck.'''
**Who: Sloan
**Notes: Character says line after realizing he's standing on a marker for a sniper. He is then shot in the head and killed.

===Warner Bros. films===
:''See [[last words in Warner Bros. animated films]].''

===''[[Watchmen (film)|Watchmen]]'' (2009)===
*'''It's a joke...S'all a joke. Mother forgive me.'''
**Who: Edward Blake (The Comedian) {[[w:Jeffery Dean Morgan|Jeffery Dean Morgan]]}
**Note: Beaten up by former Watchmen team member Ozymandias ([[w:Matthew Goode|Matthew Goode]]), and thrown out the window of his apartment building.

*'''No! NO!!'''
**Who: Child Molester
**Note: After confessing to Rorschach that he murdered a young girl and fed her to his Dobermans, he begs for Rorscach to take him into jail. Instead, the vigilante takes a butcher knife and axes the crook in the head with it, killing the man on impact.

*'''You know, maybe I can give you an autograph, huh? What you say, big boy?'''
** Who: Prisoner.
** Note: The prisoner then attempts to stab Rorschach with a shiv; Rorchasch throws cooking oil on him, hideously disfiguring him, and he dies later that night.

*'''You're dead, Rorschach! We got a prison full of killers out here, what've you got?'''
** Who: Lawrence.
** Note: As Lawrence reaches through the bars of Rorschach's prison cell, Rorschach breaks his hands, then ties his arms together, forcing Big Figure to have Lawrence's arms cut off so he can get into Rorschach's cell. Lawrence then dies of blood loss.

*'''Nothing personal, big guy.'''
** Who: Big Figure's other thug.
** Note: Said before he cuts off Lawrence's arms with a power saw; he then cuts his way into Rorschach's cell, and charges Rorschach, who smashes his head into the toilet, and steps away while the thug is electrocuted to death when water from the toilet reaches the electrical cord for the power saw.

*'''Of course you must protect Veidt's new utopia. What's one more body amongst the foundations? Well, what are you waiting for? Do it. DO IT!!'''
**Who: Walter Kovacs (Rorschach) {[[w:Jackie Earl Haley|Jackie Earl Haley]]}
**Note: Rorshach was about to reveal a secret that would result in World War III and nuclear Armageddon. He was blown apart by Dr. Manhattan before he could get the chance.

===''[[West Side Story (film)|West Side Story]]'' (1961)===
*'''Yeah...We can. We will...'''
**Who: Tony
**Notes: As character was lay dying from a gunshot, his love, Maria, attempted to convince him that they could still live together.

===''[[w:Westworld (film)|Westworld]]'' (1973)===
*'''I-I'm shot.''' [Martin: What?!] '''I'm SHOT!'''
**Who: John Blane
**Notes: Peter Martin's best friend during their time at Westworld. After the bar fight, unaware of the malfunctions taking place around Delos, Martin and Blane meet the Gunslinger outside. John Blane volunteers to duel him and is shot. Blane says this surprised at being shot, then the Gunslinger fires again, this time killing him.

*'''Draw.'''
**Who: Gunslinger
**Notes: The gunfighter who is normally programmed to lose to guests in gunfights. But when the malfunctions begin to cause the robots to run amuck, the Gunslinger kills John Blane, then dares this to Peter Martin. After that, what ensues is an intense cat-and-mouse chase through the resort concluding in Medievalworld where Peter fries the robot and after minutes causes it to be fused.

===''[[White Heat]]'' (1949)===
*'''Made it, Ma! Top of the World!'''
**Who: Arthur &quot;Cody&quot; Jarrett ([[James Cagney]])
**Note: Ranked 18th in the AFI's top 100 quotes. Shouted by Jarret who's wounded and surrounded by police, just before he commits suicide by blowing up the large gas tank on which he's standing.

===''[[w:White Oleander (film)|White Oleander]]'' (2002)===
*'''Stay with me, promise. Don't leave.'''
**Who: Claire Richards
**Notes: Spoken to her foster daughter of almost two years, Astrid. The two fall asleep together and when Astrid awakens, she finds Claire has committed suicide, distraught over her failing acting career and problems with her husband.

===''[[Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]'' (1988)===
*'''Unless Acme's will shows by midnight tonight, Toontown's gonna be land for the free-'''
**Who: R.K. Maroon
**Note: R.K. Maroon was attempting to explain the reason why Marvin Acme was killed. Judge Doom, who had murdered Acme, shot him before the crime could be revealed.

*'''&quot;Nose&quot;? That don't rhyme with &quot;walls&quot;!''' [Eddie: No, but this does! ''[kicks him in the balls, sending him flying into a barrel of Dip]'']
**Who: Smart Ass the Weasel
**Note: Points out an error in the song Eddie and Roger use to make the Weasels die laughing. Eddie replies &quot;No, but this does!&quot; and kicks him in the groin, sending him flying into a barrel of Dip.

*'''Bye-bye! Hee hee hee hee!'''
**Who: Psycho the Weasel
**Note: Laughed himself into a roller layered with Dip, and dies. Says this after accelerating the strength of a hose spraying Dip at a wall leading to the other side of Toontown as his ghost rises to heaven.

*'''I'm melting! Melting!'''
**Who: Judge Doom
**Note: Judge Doom dissolves in the Dip, the chemical he uses to kill Toons, after he was revealed to be a Toon himself.

===''[[w:The Whole Ten Yards|The Whole Ten Yards]]'' (2004)===
*'''Hey, Lazlo, shit happens.'''
**Who: Ms. Figueroa
**Notes: A hired mercenary employed by Lazlo, she accidentally killed his son. Lazlo shot her in rage.

===''[[The Wicker Man (1973 film)|The Wicker Man]]'' (1973)===
*'''Oh, God...I humbly entreat you for the soul of this, thy servant, Neil Howie...who will today depart from this world. Do not deliver me into the enemy's hands...or...put me out of mind forever. Let me not undergo the real pains of Hell, dear God, because I die unshriven...and establish me...in that bliss...which knows no ending...through Christ...our Lord. ''JESUS!!'' ''JESUS!!!'''''
**Who: Sergeant Neil Howie
**Notes: Says these lines while being burnt alive in the titular contraption. Character had previously shown fear and apprehension but overcame it, dying in relative peace.

===''[[The Wicker Man (2006 film)|The Wicker Man]]'' (2006)===
*'''NOOOOOOO!!!!'''
**Who: Edward Malus
**Notes: Character screams as the Wicker Man he's been placed into is set on fire, which burns him to death.

===''[[w:Wild Wild West|Wild Wild West]]''===
*'''Well, go on, shoot me. Send me onto hell. But if you want the devil that's responsible for New Liberty, it's Loveless .He manned the machine there. He killed all them children, old folks, just like he killed my boys here.'''
**Who: General 'Bloodbath' McGrath
**Notes: A former Confederacy general who's men were used as a demonstration of Loveless's tank, General McGrath feels betrayed and tries to kill his former employer, but Loveless shoots him with a gun built into his wheelchair. He survives long enough to admit to Jim west that Loveless was behind the New Liberty massacre.

*'''Mr. West, although you are as black as the night on the outside, inside, you...are...yellow...! You just don't have it in you. Do you...boy?'''
**Who: Dr. Arless Loveless
**Notes: Dangling from his spider mobile fortress, Loveless gloats how Jim West is a coward on the inside. But West pulls his wheelchair's lever and sends the mad doctor falling to his death.

===''[[Willard (1971 film)|Willard]]'' (1971)===
*'''I WAS GOOD TO YOU, BEN!'''
**Who: Willard Stiles
**Notes: Said whilst trying to escape Ben the rat's revenge when the titular man mistreated and left him. Then more rats gnaw their way through the door and eat Willard alive.

===''[[Willow (film)|Willow]]'' (1988)===
*'''Win this war for me...'''
**Who: Airk Thaughbaer
**Notes: A commander from the ruined kingdom of Galladoorn. During the siege of Nockmaar Castle, as he is fighting General Kael, the villanous general stabs Airk with his own knife. Before dying, he implores Madmartigan these parting words.

*'''DIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!!!!'''
**Who: General Kael
**Notes: The commander of Nockmaar's armies. After killing Airk, he engages Madmartigan in a swordfight shouting this. While on a small bridge, Madmartigan cuts Kael with some swords, then throws him onto his own sword before throwing him off to his death.

*'''IMPOSSIBLE!!!''' ''[knocks over some blood]'' '''You...'''
**Who: Queen Bavmorda
**Notes: The evil queen of Nockmaar and Sorsha's mother. As Willow disrupts her ritual to banish Elora Danan to a dark world, Bavmorda yells this in a rage, then lightning strikes her, thus banishing Bavmorda to the world of darkness instead.

===''The Wind in the Willows'' (1996)===
*'''TennineeightsevensixfiveforthreetwoONE!!!'''
**Who: Chief Weasel
**Notes: Character tries to blow up Toad Hall, but Ratty and Mole had switched ettiquetes on a bunch of barrels, relabeling the barrels of Dogfood to Dynamite and Vice Versa. As a reseult, the Chief Weasel Blew himself up along with the factory.

===''[[The Witches (1990)]]''===
*'''No, no. Honestly, it just was a...No, no.'''
**Who: Beatrice
**Notes: Beatrice says these words after being accused by the Grand High Witch of arguing against her. Refusing to listen to her, the Grand High Witch, after warning the other witches about what happens if they speak out against her, incinerates Beatrice with her laser eyes.

*'''Don't touch it! It's in the soup!''' ''[The Grand High Witch, as Eva Ernst, screams upon seeing her, thinking she is a transformed child]'' '''Don't touch the soup!''' [The Grand High Witch/Eva Ernst: A child!]
**Who: The Witch Chef
**Notes:

===''[[The Witches of Eastwick]]'' (1987)===
*'''Those poor women. I have to warn them. He'll propegate, Clyde. He will increase his number. Those women are going to bear him sons. He's going to take their love and destroy the Earth with it.'''
**Who: Felicia Alden
**Notes: Character realizes that the mysterious Daryl Van Horne is actually the Devil and plans to make Alex Medford, Jane Spofford and Sukie Ridgemont the mothers of his children. Van Horne and the Witches afflict her with a curse causing her to vomit cherry pits, which horrifies her husband Clyde to the point he kills her with a fire poker.

===''[[The Wizard of Oz (1939 film)|The Wizard of Oz]]'' (1939)===
*'''AHH!!! You cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting! I'm melting! Ohhhhh...What a world, what a world! Who ever thought a little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?! Ah!!! Look out! Look out! I'm going! Ahhh! Ahhhhhhhhh...'''
**Who: The Wicked Witch of the West ([[w:Margaret Hamilton|Margaret Hamilton]])
**Notes: Dorothy Gale, who is trying to extinguish the flames on her broom, splashes a bucket of water on the witch, causing her to melt, but it turns out to be a dream.

===''Wrong is Right'' (1982)===
*'''Two suitcases... Three feet long.... 2 and a half feet high. Nine to ten inches thick... Weight about ninety pounds. Highly radioactive.'''
**Who: Sally Blake
**Note: A reporter working with Patrick Hale to cover the story on the suitcase nuclear bombs. As she meets an agent briefing him with this, they fail to notice one of Rafeek's terrorist gang members, Erika plant a bagged bomb in the trash can next to them. On her command, the bomb is detonated killing the reporter and the agent before Hale could warn her.

*'''Tomorrow, I have for you a great surprise.'''
**Who: King Ibn Awad
**Note: The king of Hagreb. On his way home, Hale gifts him with a camera which unknown to either has been swapped with a poisonous needle that pricks Awad's finger. He bids this to his old reporter friend. Within moments, he dies of the poison and his murder is covered by a suicide tape.

===''[[Wuthering Heights (1939 film)|Wuthering Heights]]'' (1939)===
*'''Heathcliff, can you see the Crag over there where our castle is? I'll wait for you 'til you come.'''
**Who: Cathy ([[w:Merle Oberon|Merle Oberon]])

==X==
===''[[X-Men#Films|X-Men]]'' films===
:''See ''[[last words in X-Men media|''last words in ''X-Men'' media'']]''.''

===''[[XXX (2002 film)|xXx]]'' (2002)===
*'''Learn how to shoot, you piece of shit!'''
**Who: Yorgi
**Notes: Said to Agent xXx/Xander Cage after he misses him with a hail of gunfire while he escapes in a boat. xXx then manages to shoot him, non-fatally, but his boat crashes into a cliffside and explodes.

===''XXX: State of the Union''===
*'''I've been waitin' for this for ten years!'''
**Who: US Secretary of Defense, General George Deckert
**Notes: Said to Agent xXx/Darius Stone as he was determined to finish him off after a fierce battle on the US President's getaway train. Stone then says &quot;Well, keep waiting!&quot; and jumps off the train and into a river, just as Deckert fires a gun, missing him. From a helicopter, Gibbons says &quot;Your turn to do the dying, general&quot; and fires one missile at the train. The resulting explosion incinerates Deckert and destroys the train, sending it crashing into the river.

===''XXX: The Return of Xander Cage''===
*'''I'll take it from you dead or alive. If you hold it too tight, I'll cut your arm off.'''
**Who: Russian squad leader 
**Note: Said to Agent xXx/Xander Cage when he says if the soldier takes Pandora's Box, a device capable of controlling satellites, he will be killed. Cage tells him to suit himself, then throws a live grenade to the soldier,  who catches it. Former xXx agent Serena throws a knife at the soldier, allowing the grenade to go off,  killing the soldier and instigating a battle that kills all his compatriots.

*'''Fish in a barrel.'''
**Who: CIA Agent
**Notes: The agent says this line to himself while shooting at Cage and former xXx agent Xiang. The two settle their differences and take turns to trick him into using up the last five bullets in his magazine. Once finished, Cage throws the agent down to Xiang before he can reload, and Xiang throws him down again, this time to his death.

*'''What the heck is wrong with you?!'''
**Who: CIA Director
**Notes: Said to Cage when he tells him he has something stuck in his teeth, while confronting him with Pandora's Box. Cage replies &quot;Right...there&quot; and makes a gap between two of his fingers, allowing his sniper, Adele Wolff, to shoot the Director dead.

*'''Are you getting this interference?'''
**Who: CIA Agent Marke
**Notes: Said to her fellow agents when she is prevented from using Pandora's Box by signal interference. Before anyone can answer, Cage attacks her and the other agents. She doesn't say any more lines during the final battle, and is ultimately sent falling from her plane by Xiang who taunts to her &quot;They say it's the last great adventure. Be sure to send a postcard.&quot;.

*'''What's wrong, hotshot, no witty comeback?'''
**Who: Captain Paul Donovan
**Note: Said to Cage while confronting him in the bathroom of the plane. Cage replies that he actually figured out a math problem he earlier spoke about. Donovan then punches a hole in the wall due to fighting with special electric gloves, and Cage then throws him through the hole, remarking &quot;It's gonna take two flushes!&quot;

==Y==
===''[[w:Young Sherlock Holmes|Young Sherlock Holmes]]'' (1985)===
*'''What shall we do with her?'''
**Who: Mrs. Dribb
**Note: The school nurse who is actually Eh-tar's younger sister and top henchwoman using hallucinogenic darts to get revenge on the five men who ransacked the tombs of the princesses so they could build their hotel. Having been exposed, while interrogating Elizabeth, she asks this to her brother. He tells her it is time to sacrifice her for a fifth princess. This is her last known words. While Holmes and Watson extricate Elizabeth in a fierce battle, Holmes turns the assassin's blowgun on her causing the dart to fly into her own mouth and she runs in a blind panic burning herself alive.

*'''I'll be waiting. And you'll be late...as always.'''
**Who: Elizabeth Waxflatter (the love interest of a young Sherlock Holmes)
**Note: Character is shot by Holmes' schoolmaster, who is actually Eh-tar (the man who wants revenge on the five men who ransacked the tombs of the princesses) and Holmes then defeats in a duel; Holmes promises &quot;Someday, We'll be reunited. In another world, A much better world&quot;, and this is her response.

==Z==
===''[[Zombieland]]'' (2009)===
*[Little Rock: So do you have any regrets?] '''''[[w:Garfield (film)|Garfield]]'', maybe.'''
**Who: [[w:Bill Murray (actor)|Bill Murray]]
**Note: Murray had been disguising himself as a zombie in a post-apocalyptic Hollywood in order to blend in with the undead in the city. When the survivors of the film reach his mansion, Tallahassee and Wichita convince Murray to pretend to be an actual zombie to scare Columbus and Little Rock; unfortunately, Columbus mistakes the joke as a real threat and shoots Murray in the chest. As he dies, Little Rock asks him about his regrets, and he responds as seen above.

===''[[Zoolander]]'' (2001)===
*'''Orange Mocha Frappuccino!'''
**Who: Derek Zoolander's model roommates
**Note: Last thing they said to cheer Derek up, they end up dying in a gas station accident when one of the gas terminals blow up.

==See also==
{{fictional last words}}

[[Category:Fictional last words|Films]]</text>
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    <title>The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers</title>
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      <contributor>
        <username>Lester Boggs</username>
        <id>3347022</id>
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      <comment>Ready... set... [[w:Kung Fu Panda 2|NOW! NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW!]]</comment>
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[[File:MtSunday.jpg|thumb|The Uruks turned northeast! ''They're taking the Hobbits to Isengard!'']]
'''''[[w:The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers|The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers]]''''' is a British/American 2002 epic fantasy adventure film and the [[The Two Towers|second installment]] in [[The Lord of the Rings (movies)|''The Lord of the Rings'' motion picture trilogy]] based on ''[[The Two Towers]]'' by [[J. R. R. Tolkien]].

:''Directed by [[Peter Jackson]]. Written by [[w:Frances Walsh|Frances Walsh]], [[w:Philippa Boyens|Philippa Boyens]] and [[Peter Jackson]].''
{{center|'''A New Power Is Rising.''' ([[#taglines|taglines]])}}

== Aragorn ==

* Rohan, realm of the horse lords. There is something evil at work in these lands. Something evil gives speed to these creatures and sets its will against us. 

* It is an army bred for a single purpose: to destroy the World of Men.

* Show them ''no'' mercy... for ''you'' shall receive none!

== Gandalf the White ==

* I come back to you now, at the turn of the tide. 

* The coming of Merry and Pippin will be like the falling of small stones that starts an avalanche in the mountains.

* Be silent! Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth! I have not passed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm.

* I will draw you, Saruman, as poison is drawn from a wound!

* Three hundred lives of men I've walked this earth and now I have no time. With luck, my search will not be in vain. Look to my coming at first light on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East.

* Sauron's wrath will be terrible, his retribution swift. The battle for Helm's Deep is over. The battle for Middle Earth is about to begin.

== Gollum/Sméagol ==

* The thieves! The thieves! The filthy little thieves!

* We swears to serve the master of the precious. We'll swear on...on the precious!

* We be nice to them, if they be nice to us.

== Sam Gamgee ==

* It's me. It's your Sam. Don't you know your Sam?

* It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something even if you were too small to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand, I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something...That there's some good in the world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for.

== Saruman ==

* The world is changing. Who now has the strength to stand against the armies of Isengard...and Mordor? To stand against the might of Sauron ''and'' Saruman and the union of the two towers? Together, my Lord Sauron, we shall rule this Middle-Earth. The old world will burn in the fires of industry. The forests will fall. A new order will rise. We will drive the machine of war with the sword and the spear and the iron fist of the Orc. We have only to remove those who oppose us.

* A new power is rising! Its victory is at hand! This night, the land will be stained with the blood of Rohan! March to Helm's Deep! Leave none alive! ''To war!'' There will be no dawn...''for Men.''

== Théoden ==

* Your leech-craft would have had me crawling on all fours like a ''beast!''

* So it begins.

* So much death... what can Men do against such reckless hate?

* Let this be the hour when we draw swords together! Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath, now for ruin and a red dawn!

== Others ==

* '''Elrond''': He will come to death, an image of the splendour of the kings of men in glory undimmed before the breaking of the world. But you, my daughter, you will linger on in darkness and in doubt, as nightfall in winter that comes without a star. Here you will dwell, bound to your grief, under the fading trees, until all the world is changed and the long years of your life are utterly spent. 

* '''Faramir''': A chance for Faramir, captain of Gondor, to show his quality.

* '''Frodo''': This is Sting. You've seen it before, haven't you... ''Gollum''. Release him, or I'll cut your throat! 

* '''Gimli''': Three days and nights pursuit. No food, no rest! Nor a sign of a quarry of what a bare rock can tell!

* '''Gimli''': I'm wasted on cross-country! We dwarves are natural sprinters! Very dangerous over short distances!

* '''Merry''': The fires of Isengard will spread. And the woods of Tuckborough and Buckland will burn. And all that was once green and good in this world will be gone. There won't ''be'' a Shire, Pippin.

* '''Treebeard''': It takes a long time to say anything in Old Entish. And we never say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say.

* '''Treebeard''': Many of these trees were my friends. Creatures I had known from nut and acorn.

* '''Uglúk''': I don't take orders from orc maggots.

== Dialogue ==

:''[In the rocky passes of Emyn Muir, Sam and Frodo are struggling to descend a cliff using the Elven rope]''
:'''Sam''': Can you see the bottom?
:'''Frodo''': No! Don't look down, Sam, just keep going!
:'''Sam''': ''[suddenly loses his footing and drops a small box from his bag. Sam fails to catch it on time]'' Catch it! Grab it, Mr. Frodo!
:'''Frodo''': ''[manages to catch the box but he slips and falls to the ground, which is already near]'' I think I found the bottom!
:'''Sam''': ''[descends quickly]'' Bogs and ropes and goodness knows what. It's not natural! None of it.
:'''Frodo''': ''[referring to the box]'' What's in this?
:'''Sam''': Nothing, just a little bit of seasoning. I thought maybe if we was having a roast chicken one night, or something.
:'''Frodo''': Roast chicken?
:'''Sam''': You never know.
:'''Frodo''': Oh, Sam, my dear Sam. ''[opens the box and finds it full of salt]''
:'''Sam''': That's very special. It's the best salt in all the Shire.
:'''Frodo''': It is special. It's a little bit of home. ''[goes to the Elven rope still tied up at the rock where they descended from]'' We can't just leave this for someone who'd follow us down.
:'''Sam''': Who's gonna follow us down here, Mr. Frodo? It's a shame leaving it, Lady Galadriel gave me that. Real Elvish rope. It's one of my knots, it won't come off free in a hurry. ''[tries pulling it to prove it could not be untied but then the rope unties itself and falls to the hobbits]''
:'''Frodo''': Real Elvish rope!
:''[Ascending a nearby rock. From a distance, they can see the black clouds of Mordor]''
:'''Sam''': Mordor. The one place in Middle-earth we don't want to see any closer, and the one place we're trying to get to. And just where we can't get! Let's face it, Mr. Frodo, we're lost. I don't think Gandalf meant for us to come this way.
:'''Frodo''': He didn't mean for a lot of things to happen, Sam...but they did. ''[as he looks at the dark clouds looming from Mordor, he suddenly has a vision of Sauron's eye glaring at him, causing him to sit down and tremble in pain]''
:'''Sam''': Mr. Frodo? It's the Ring, isn't it?
:'''Frodo''': Yes, it's getting heavier. ''[Sam takes a sit as well]'' What food have we got left?
:'''Sam''': Let me see. ''[checks the bag and pulls out a wrapped lembas bread]'' Lovely, lembas bread. And look! ''[pulls out two more pieces of lembas bread]'' More lembas bread. ''[opens one and they eat the bread]'' I don't usually own foreign food, but this Elvish stuff, it's not bad.
:'''Frodo''': Nothing ever dampens your spirits, does it, Sam?
:'''Sam''': ''[looks at the coming rain clouds]'' Well, those rain clouds might.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
[[File:Bilbo and frodo sword-United Cutlery 2002-P5120126-black.jpg|thumb|This is Sting. You've seen it before, haven't you... ''Gollum''.]]
:'''Gollum''': The thieves! The thieves! The filthy little thieves! Where is it?
:''[Gollum reaches out his hand towards the hobbits. Suddenly, the hobbits are spring up, grab hold of Gollum's arms and pull him down. Frodo draws his sword and puts it to Gollum's throat]''
:'''Frodo''': This is Sting. You've seen it before, haven't you... '''''Gollum'''''. Release him or I'll cut your throat! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gollum''': ''[Sam has him tethered with the Elven rope]'' IT ''BURNS!'' IT BURNS US! It freezes! Nasty Elves twisted it. TAKE IT OFF US!
:'''Sam''': Quiet, you! ''[to Frodo]'' It's hopeless! Every Orc in Mordor's gonna hear this racket! Let's just tie him up and leave him.
:'''Gollum''': NO! That would kill us! ''Kill'' us! ''[groans and writhes on the rocks]''
:'''Sam''': It's no more than you deserve!
:'''Frodo''': Maybe he does deserve to die. But now that I see him, I do pity him.
:'''Gollum''': ''[gets up, trying to be polite]'' We be nice to them, if they be nice to us. Take it off us! We swears to do what you wants! We swears...
:'''Frodo''': There's no promise you can make that I can trust.
:'''Gollum''': We swears to serve the master of the precious. We'll swear on...on the precious! ''Gollum, gollum.''
:'''Frodo''': The Ring is treacherous. I will hold you to your word.
:'''Gollum''': Yes...on the precious. On the precious.
:'''Sam''': ''[brief silence]'' I DON'T BELIEVE YOU! ''[Gollum tries to flee, but Sam pulls him back by the rope]'' Get down! I said DOWN!
:'''Frodo''': Sam!
:'''Sam''': He's trying to trick us! If we let him go, he'll throttle us in our sleep!
:''[Gollum gasps, clutching at the rope around his neck; Frodo approaches him]''
:'''Frodo''': You know the way into Mordor?
:'''Gollum''': ''[afraid]'' Yes...
:'''Frodo''': You've been there before?
:'''Gollum''': Yes...
:'''Frodo''': ''[removes the rope]'' You will lead us to the Black Gate.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Uruk-hai have just captured Pippin and Merry and they are on their way to Isengard until a group of Mordor orcs stop them]''
:'''Grishnákh''': You're late! Our master grows impatient. He wants the Shire rats now!
:'''Uglúk''': I don't take orders from orc maggots. Saruman will have his prize! We will deliver them.
:'''Pippin''': ''[noticing Merry is unconscious]'' Merry? Merry! Wake up. ''[to the Uruks]'' My friend is sick. He needs water. Please!
:'''Uglúk''': Sick, is he? Give him some medicine, boys!
:''[The Uruks pour Orc-liquor down Merry's throat, which he coughs and spits out]''
:'''Pippin''': Stop it!
:'''Uglúk''': Can't take his draught! ''[laughs cruelly]''
:'''Pippin''': Leave him alone!
:'''Uglúk''': Why? You want some? Huh? Then keep your mouth shut.
:'''Pippin''': Merry.
:'''Merry''': Hello, Pip.
:'''Pippin''': You're hurt.
:'''Merry''': I'm fine. It was just an act.
:'''Pippin''': An act?
:'''Merry''': ''[smiles]'' See? Fooled you too. Don't worry about me, Pippin.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Aragorn''': ''[on the ground, listening to the thundering dash of the sprinting Uruks]'' Their pace has quickened. They must have caught our scent. ''[to Gimli and Legolas]'' Hurry!
:'''Legolas''': Come on, Gimli!
:'''Gimli''': ''[struggling to catch up]'' Three days and nights pursuit. No food, no rest! Nor a sign of a quarry of what a bare rock can tell!
:''[Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, now known as the Three Hunters, run across the plains, pursuing the Uruks who have Pippin and Merry. The Hunters soon stop upon seeing a Lorien leaf pin, which was dropped by Pippin to leave a mark for his rescuer]''
:'''Aragorn''': ''[picking up the leaf]'' Not idly do the leafs of Lorien fall.
:'''Legolas''': They may yet be alive.
:'''Aragorn''': Less than a day ahead of us.
:''[As they sprint, Gimli, exhausted, falls down]''
:'''Legolas''': Come, Gimli! We're gaining on them!
:'''Gimli''': I'm wasted on cross-country! We dwarves are natural sprinters! Very dangerous over short distances!
:''[The Hunters then stop upon seeing the sight of a wide plain familiar to the Hunters]''
:'''Aragorn''': Rohan, realm of the horse lords. There is something evil at work in these lands. Something evil gives speed to these creatures and sets its will against us. ''[ascending a rock to get a further look. He then notices Legolas using his farsight powers]'' Legolas! What do your Elf eyes see?
:'''Legolas''': The Uruks turned northeast! ''They're taking the Hobbits to Isengard!''
:'''Aragorn''': ''[realizing something]'' Saruman.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[An eored of Rohirrim under Éomer, the nephew of King Théoden, have just arrived in the aftermath of the Battle of the Fords of Isen]''
:'''Éomer''': Théodred. ''[to the Rohirrim]'' Find the king's son!
:''[The Rohirrim search through the corpses of both orcs and Rohirrim]''
:'''Soldier''': ''[angrily]'' Mordor will pay for this!
:'''Éomer''': ''[kicks an orc corpse to get a better look on its armor's sigil and sees a white hand mark]'' These orcs are not from Mordor.
:'''Soldier''': My lord Éomer! Over here!
:'''Éomer''': ''[races to the waters where the soldier finds a familiar soldier who is wounded and barely alive, Éomer recognizes who he is]'' He's alive!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Their cousin Théodred is dying, but unbeknownst to them, their uncle Théoden suddenly grew old while being possessed and controlled by Saruman]''
:'''Éowyn''': Your son is badly wounded, my lord.
:'''Éomer''': He was ambushed by Orcs. If we don't defend our country, Saruman will take it by force.
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': That is a lie. Saruman the White has ever been our friend and ally.
:'''Théoden''': Gríma...Gríma...Gríma...
:'''Éomer''': Orcs are roaming freely across our lands. Unchecked, unchallenged, killing at will. Orcs bearing the White Hand of Saruman. ''[tosses an Orc helmet at Théoden's feet]''
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': Why do you lay these troubles on an already troubled mind? Can you not see your uncle is wearied by your malcontent? Your warmongering?
:'''Éomer''': Warmongering? ''[grabs Gríma by the throat]'' How long is it since Saruman bought you? What was the promised price, Gríma? When all the Men are dead, you'll take your share of the treasure? ''[Gríma glances at Éowyn as she leaves the room]'' Too long have you watched my sister! Too long have you haunted her steps!
:''[Guards seize Éomer from behind, forcing him to release Gríma]''
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': You see much, Éomer, son of Éomund. Too much. ''[guards begin to drag Éomer out]'' You are here forth banished from the Kingdom of Rohan and all its domains, under pain of death.
:'''Éomer''': You have no authority here! Your orders mean nothing!
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': This order does not come from me. It comes from the King. ''[holds up a decree bearing Théoden's signature and seal]'' He signed it this morning.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mauhúr''': I'm starving! We ain't had nothing but maggoty bread for three stinking days!
:'''Snaga''': Yeah! Why can't we have some meat? ''[staring at Merry and Pippin]'' What about them? They're fresh!
:'''Uglúk''': They are ''not'' for eating!
:'''Grishnákh''': What about their legs? They don't need those. Ooh, they look tasty...!
:'''Uglúk''': ''[pushing Grishnákh away]'' Get back, scum! The prisoners go to Saruman, alive and unspoiled!
:'''Grishnákh''': Alive? Why alive? Do they give good sport?! ''[gnashes teeth]''
:'''Uglúk''': They have something. An Elvish weapon. The Master wants it for the War.
:'''Pippin''': ''[whispering to Merry]'' They think we have the Ring.
:'''Merry''': Shh! As soon as they find out we don't, we're dead.
:'''Snaga''': ''[approaching the Hobbits with a blade]'' Carve them up! Just a mouthful! A bit off the flank!
:'''Uglúk''': No! ''[with one swing of his own blade, he cuts off Snaga's head, and his body collapses onto the ground]'' Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!
:''[The Orcs and Uruks proceed to devour Snaga's body]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Éomer''': What business does an Elf, a Man, and a Dwarf have in the Riddermark? Speak quickly!
:'''Gimli''': Give me your name, Horse-master, and I shall give you mine.
:'''Éomer''': ''[dismounts horse]'' I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.
:'''Legolas''': ''[quickly draws his bow]'' You would die before your stroke fell!
:''[Rohirrim point spears at Legolas, Aragorn signals for Legolas to bring down his weapon]''
:'''Aragorn''': I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. This is Gimli, son of Glóin, and Legolas of the Woodland Realm. We are friends of Rohan, and of Théoden, your King.
:'''Éomer''': Théoden no longer recognizes friend from foe. Not even his own kin. ''[removes helmet]'' Saruman has poisoned the mind of the king and claimed lordship over these lands. My company are those loyal to Rohan, and for that we are banished. The White Wizard is cunning. He walks here and there they say, as an old man hooded and cloaked. And everywhere his spies slip past our nets.
:'''Aragorn''': We are no spies. We track a party of Uruk-Hai, Westward across the plain. They have taken two of our friends captive.
:'''Éomer''': The Uruks are destroyed. We slaughtered them during the night.
:'''Gimli''': But there were two Hobbits! Did you see two Hobbits with 'em?
:'''Aragorn''': They would be small. Only children to your eyes.
:'''Éomer''': We left none alive. We piled the carcasses and burned them.
:'''Gimli''': Dead?
:'''Éomer''': ''[nods]'' I am sorry. ''[whistles]'' Hasufel! Arod! ''[two riderless horses approach]'' May these horses bear you to better fortune than their former masters. Farewell. Look for your friends. But do not trust to hope. It has forsaken these lands. ''[to the other Rohirrim]'' We ride North!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Treebeard''': Little Orcs! Bru-ra-hroom!
:'''Pippin''': It's talking, Merry! The tree is talking!
:'''Treebeard''': Tree?! I am no tree! I am an Ent.
:'''Merry''': A tree-herder. A shepherd of the forest!
:'''Pippin''': Don't talk to it, Merry! Don't encourage it!
:'''Treebeard''': Treebeard, some call me.
:'''Pippin''': And, whose side are you on?
:'''Treebeard''': Side? I am on nobody's side, because nobody is on my side, little Orc. Nobody cares for the woods anymore.
:'''Merry''': We're not Orcs! We're Hobbits!
:'''Treebeard''': Hobbits? Mmm...never heard of a Hobbit before. Sounds like Orc mischief to me! They come with fire, they come with axes! Gnawing, biting, breaking, hacking, burning! Destroyers and usurpers, ''curse them!''
:'''Merry''': No! You don't understand! We're Hobbits! Halflings! Shire-folk!
:'''Treebeard''': Maybe you are, and maybe you aren't. The White Wizard will know.
:'''Pippin''': The White Wizard?
:'''Merry''': Saruman.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': It's a bog! He's lead us into a swamp!
:'''Gollum''': Swamp, yes. Yes. Come master, we will take you on safe path through the mist. I found it, I did. A way through the marshes. Orcs don't use it. Orcs don't know it. They go around, for miles and miles! Come quickly. Soft and swift as shadows, we must be.
:''[The hobbits and Gollum take a rest for a short while]''
:'''Sam''': ''[referring to the Dead Marshes]'' I hate this place, it's too quiet. There hasn't been a sight or sound of birds for days.
:'''Gollum''': No, no birdses to eat. No crunchables. We are famished, precious! Famished, we are! ''[Gollum later finds a worm and eats it. Sam, who is eating a lembas bread, suddenly loses his appetite out of disgust after watching Gollum eat]''
:'''Frodo''': Here. ''[throws a piece of lembas to the starving Gollum]''
:'''Gollum''': What is it they eats? Is it tasty? ''[Gollum picks up the bread and eats it, only to spit it out in disgust]'' It tries to chokes us! We can't eats hobbit food! We must starve!
:'''Sam''': Well, starve then! Good riddance!
:'''Gollum''': Oh, cruel hobbit! ''[to Sam]'' He does not care if we be hungry. He does not care if we should die! ''[turns to Frodo]'' Not like Master. Master cares for us. ''[starts nearing Frodo as he stares at him holding the ring around his neck]'' Once it takes a hold of us, it never lets go.
:'''Frodo''': ''[noticing Gollum's hand is reaching for the ring]'' Don't touch me!
:''[The hobbits and Gollum continue the walk when suddenly, Sam notices a lot of corpses nearby]''
:'''Sam''': There are dead things. Dead faces in the water!
:'''Gollum''': ''All'' dead. ''All'' rotten. Elves, and Men, and Orcses. A great battle long ago...The Dead Marshes. Yes, yes, that is their name! This way. Don't follow the lights. ''[Sam slips and almost ends up in the water]'' Careful now! Or Hobbits go down to join the Dead Ones, and light little candles of their own.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gollum''': ''[to himself]'' So bright...so beautiful...my precious...
:'''Frodo''': What did you say?
:'''Gollum''': Master should be resting. Master needs to keep up his strength.
:'''Frodo''': Who are you?
:'''Gollum''': Mustn't ask us, not its business. ''Gollum, gollum.''
:'''Frodo''': Gandalf told me you were one of the River-folk.
:'''Gollum''': ''[ignoring him]'' Cold be heart and hand and bone. Cold be travelers far from home.
:'''Frodo''': He said your life was a sad story.
:'''Gollum''': They do not see what lies ahead, when Sun has faded and Moon is dead!
:'''Frodo''': You were not so very different from a Hobbit once, were you...''Sméagol''?
:'''Gollum''': ''[stunned]'' What...What did you call me?
:'''Frodo''': That was your name once, wasn't it? A long time ago.
:'''Gollum''': My name? My name... ''[smiles]'' Sméagol.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli are tracking Merry and Pippin through Fangorn Forest]''
:'''Aragorn''': These are strange tracks.
:'''Gimli''': The air is so close in here!
:'''Legolas''': This forest is old. Very old...full of memory...and anger. ''[the trees groan, Gimli holds up his axe]'' The trees are speaking to each other.
:'''Aragorn''': ''[whispers loudly]'' Gimli! Lower your axe.
:'''Legolas''': They have feelings, my friend. ''[Gimli lowers his axe]'' The Elves began it. Waking up the trees, teaching them to speak.
:'''Gimli''': Talking trees? What do trees have to talk about, hm? Except the consistency of squirrel droppings.
:'''Legolas''': ''[in Elvish]'' Aragorn, something's out there.
:'''Aragorn''': ''[in Elvish]'' What do you see?
:'''Legolas''': ''[in common tongue]'' The White Wizard approaches.
:'''Aragorn''': Do not let him speak. He will put a spell on us. ''[Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli ready their weapons]'' We must be quick.
:''[They turn to confront the White Wizard, who appears before them enveloped in a blinding light. Gimli hurls his axe, and Legolas shoots an arrow, which the White Wizard deflects with his staff. Aragorn holds up his sword, which burns hot in his hand, forcing him to drop it]''
:'''White Wizard''': You are tracking the footsteps of two young Hobbits.
:'''Aragorn''': Where are they?
:'''White Wizard''': They passed this way, the day before yesterday. They met someone they did not expect. Does that comfort you?
:'''Aragorn''': Who are you? Show yourself! ''[the White Wizard reveals himself to be Gandalf]'' It cannot be.
:'''Legolas''': Forgive me. I mistook you for Saruman.
:'''Gandalf''': I ''am'' Saruman. Or rather, Saruman as he should have been.
:'''Aragorn''': You fell.
:'''Gandalf''': Through fire and water. From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak, I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth. Until at last, I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountainside. Darkness took me. And I strayed out of thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead and everyday was as long as a life-age of the earth. But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done.
:'''Aragorn''': Gandalf...
:'''Gandalf''': Gandalf? Yes...that's what they used to call me. Gandalf the Grey. That was my name.
:'''Gimli''': ''[surprised]'' Gandalf!
:'''Gandalf''': I am Gandalf the White. And I come back to you now, at the turn of the tide. One stage of your journey is over, another begins. War has come to Rohan. We must ride to Edoras with all speed.
:'''Gimli''': Edoras? That is no short distance!
:'''Aragorn''': We heard of the trouble at Rohan. It goes ill with the king.
:'''Gandalf''': Yes, and he may not be easily cured.
:'''Gimli''': Then we have come all this way for nothing! Are we going to leave those poor little Hobbits here in this horrid, dark, dank, tree-infested-! ''[reacts to the rumbling sound of the trees]'' I mean...charming, quite charming, forest?
:'''Gandalf''': It was more than mere chance that brought Merry and Pippin to Fangorn. A great power has been sleeping here for many long years. The coming of Merry and Pippin will be like the falling of small stones that starts an avalanche in the mountains.
:'''Aragorn''': In one thing you have not changed, my friend. You still speak in riddles. ''[he and Gandalf chuckle]''
:'''Gandalf''': A thing is about to happen that has not happened since the elder days. The Ents are going to wake up...and find that they are strong.
:'''Gimli''': Strong?! ''[reacts to the sound of trees again; nervous]'' Oh, that's good.
:'''Gandalf''': So stop your fretting, Master Dwarf! Merry and Pippin are quite safe! In fact, they're far safer than ''you'' are about to be!
:'''Gimli''': ''[to himself]'' This new Gandalf's more grumpy than the old one.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Frodo''': ''[about to enter the Black Gate]'' I do not ask you to come with me, Sam.
:'''Sam''': I know, Mr. Frodo. I doubt even these Elvish cloaks will hide us in there.
:'''Frodo''': Now!
:''[Frodo and Sam lunge forward to make a run for the Black Gate, but Gollum grabs them and pulls them back]''
:'''Gollum''': ''[as Sméagol]'' NO! No! No, Master! They catch you! They ''catch you!'' Don't take it to him! He wants the precious! Always, he is looking for it! And the precious is wanting to go back to him. But we mustn't let him have it. ''[an Orc horn sounds in the distance, and the Black Gate begins to close. Frodo tries again to run toward it, but Gollum grabs his arm, holding him back]'' No! There's another way. More secret, a dark way.
:'''Sam''': Why haven't you spoken of this before?!
:'''Gollum''': ''[as Sméagol]'' Because Master did not ask.
:'''Sam''': ''[to Frodo]'' He's up to something!
:'''Frodo''': Are you saying there's another way into Mordor?
:'''Gollum''': ''[as Sméagol]'' Yes. There's a path, and some stairs, and then...a tunnel.
:'''Frodo''': ''[after a brief pause]'' He's led us this far, Sam.
:'''Sam''': Mr. Frodo, no.
:'''Frodo''': He's been true to his word.
:'''Sam''': Noǃ
:'''Frodo''': Lead the way, Sméagol.
:'''Gollum''': ''[as Sméagol]'' Good Sméagol always helps.
:''[The hobbits watch the Black Gate close after the Easterlings have entered]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Extended Edition only, Pippin is drinking water from a spring in Fangorn Forest]''
:'''Pippin''': I had the loveliest dream last night. There was this large barrel full of pipe-weed. And we smoked all of it. And then...you were sick. I'd give anything for a whiff of Old Toby.
:'''Merry''': ''[hearing a tree moan]'' Did you hear that? ''[hearing it again]'' There it is again! Something's not right here, not right at all. ''[Pippin stands up and groans, sounding much like a moaning tree]'' You just said something...treeish!
:'''Pippin''': No, I didn't, I was just stretching. ''['groans' again, growing slightly]''
:'''Merry''': You're taller!
:'''Pippin''': Who?
:'''Merry''': You!
:'''Pippin''': Than what?
:'''Merry''': Than me!
:'''Pippin''': I've always been taller than you!
:'''Merry''': Pippin, everyone knows, I'm the tall one, you're the short one.
:'''Pippin''': Please, Merry. You're, what, three foot six? At the most? Whereas me, I'm pushing three-seven. ''[groans and grows more noticeably]'' Three-eight! ''[drinks more water]''
:'''Merry''': Three foot eight? ''[realizing]'' You did something.
:''[Pippin smiles innocently and places the bowl of forest water down. Merry, realizing the water is making Pippin taller, steals a pot and drinks some himself]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Treebeard''': The trees have grown wild and dangerous. Anger festers in their hearts. Black are their thoughts. ''Strong'' is their hate. They will harm you if they can. There are too few of us now. Too few of us Ents left to manage them.
:'''Pippin''': Why are there so few of you when you've lived so long? Are there Ent children?
:'''Treebeard''': Bru-ra-hroom. There have been no Entings for a terrible long count of years.
:'''Merry''': Why is that?
:'''Treebeard''': We lost the Entwives.
:'''Pippin''': Oh, I'm sorry. How did they die?
:'''Treebeard''': Die? No. We lost them, and now we cannot find them. I don't suppose you've seen Entwives in the Shire?
:'''Merry''': Can't say that I have. You, Pip?
:'''Pippin''': What do they look like?
:'''Treebeard''': I don't remember now.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': ''[finds Éowyn crying over Théodred's body]'' Oh, he...he must have died sometime in the night. What a tragedy for the king to lose his only son and heir. I understand his passing is hard to accept, especially now that your brother has deserted you.
:'''Éowyn''': ''[bitter and repulsed]'' Leave me alone, snake!
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': Oh, but you ''are'' alone. Who knows what you've spoken to the darkness? In bitter watches of the night, when all your life seems to shrink, the walls of your bower closing in about you, like a hutch to trammel some wild thing in! ''[putting a hand to her cheek]'' So fair, so cold, like a morning of pale spring still clinging to winter's chill...
:'''Éowyn''': Your words are poison. ''[pulls away and leaves]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
[[File:Herugrim-P5120134-gradient.jpg|thumb|Your fingers would remember their old strength better...if they grasped your sword.]]
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': My Lord, Gandalf the Grey is coming. He is a herald of woe.
:'''Gandalf''': The courtesy of your hall is somewhat lessened of late, Théoden King.
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': He is not welcome here.
:'''Théoden''': ''[weakly]'' Why should I welcome you, Gandalf Stormcrow?
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': A just question, my liege. Late is the hour in which this conjurer chooses to appear! ''Láthspell'' I name him. Ill news is an ill guest.
:'''Gandalf''': Be silent! Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth! I have not passed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm. ''[points his staff at Grima]''
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': ''[terrified]'' The staff! ''[to guards]'' I TOLD YOU TO TAKE THE WIZARD'S STAFF!
:''[The guards attempt to restrain the group, and a fight breaks out; Gandalf approaches Théoden]''
:'''Gandalf''': Théoden! Son of Thengel! Too long have you sat in the shadows.
:'''Gimli''': ''[pinning down Gríma]'' I would stay still if I were you!
:'''Gandalf''': ''[to Théoden]'' Harken to me! I release you from this spell... ''[attempts to remove Saruman's influence, seemingly to no avail]''
:'''Théoden''': ''[laughs cruelly]'' You have no power here, Gandalf the Grey! ''[continues to laugh]''
:'''Gandalf the White''': ''[removes his grey cloak, stunning Théoden with the white robe beneath]'' I will draw you, Saruman, as poison is drawn from a wound! ''[casts a spell, knocking Théoden]''
:'''Aragorn''': ''[stops Éowyn from rushing to Théoden's side]'' Wait.
:'''Saruman''': ''[Speaking through Théoden]'' If I go...Théoden dies!
:'''Gandalf the White''': ''[casts another spell]'' You did not kill me...you will not kill him!
:'''Saruman''': ''[speaking through Théoden]'' Rohan is mine!
:'''Gandalf the White''': ''[casts another spell]'' Begone!
:''[Théoden lunges in anger, but Gandalf successfully casts Saruman's influence out. Slowly, he becomes himself again]''
:'''Éowyn''': ''[rushes to his side]'' Uncle?
:'''Théoden''': I...I recognize your face. Éowyn. Gandalf?
:'''Gandalf the White''': Breathe the free air again, my friend.
:'''Théoden''': ''[stands up from the throne]'' Dark have been my dreams of late. ''[looks at his hands]''
:'''Gandalf the White''': Your fingers would remember their old strength better...if they grasped your sword.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Gríma's treachery is revealed and he is thrown out of the hall]''
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': ''[pleading as he crawls away]'' I've only ever served you, my lord!
:'''Théoden''': ''[furious, advancing on Gríma with sword in hand]'' Your leech-craft would have had me crawling on all fours like a ''beast!''
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': ''[pleading]'' Send me not from your sight!
:''[Théoden raises his sword to kill]''
:'''Aragorn''': ''[intervenes]'' No, my lord! No, my lord. Let him go. Enough blood has been spilled on his account. ''[offers his hand to Gríma, who spits on it as in insult]''
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': ''[pushing his way through the crowd]'' Get out of my way!
:'''Háma''': Hail, Théoden King!
:''[The people of Rohan bow before Théoden, who looks around him anxiously]''
:'''Théoden''': Where is Théodred? Where is my son?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Théoden''': ''[holding a flower in front of Théodred's tomb after his son's funeral]'' Simbelmynë. Ever has it grown on the tombs of my forebears. Now it shall cover the grave of my son. Alas that these evil days should be mine. The young perish, and the old linger. That I should live...to see the last days of my house.
:'''Gandalf the White''': Théodred's death was not of your making.
:'''Théoden''': No parent should have to bury their child. ''[begins to sob]''
:'''Gandalf the White''': He was strong in life. His spirit will find its way to the halls of your fathers.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': ''[to Gollum]'' Hey, stinker! Don't go getting too far ahead.
:'''Frodo''': Why do you do that?
:'''Sam''': What?
:'''Frodo''': Call him names, run him down all the time.
:'''Sam''': Because...Because that's what he is, Mr. Frodo. There's naught left in him but lies and deceit. It's the Ring he wants; it's all he cares about.
:'''Frodo''': You have no idea what it did to him. What it's ''still'' doing to him! I want to help him, Sam.
:'''Sam''': Why?
:'''Frodo''': Because I have to believe he can come back.
:'''Sam''': You can't save him, Mr. Frodo.
:'''Frodo''': ''[angrily]'' What do you know about it?! Nothing! ''[instantly remorseful]'' I'm sorry, Sam. I don't know why I said that.
:'''Sam''': I do. It's the Ring. You can't take your eyes off it. I've seen you. You're not eating; you barely sleep. It's taken hold of you, Mr. Frodo. You have to fight it!
:'''Frodo''': ''[angry again]'' I ''know'' what I have to do, Sam. The Ring was entrusted to me! It's ''my'' task! ''Mine! My own!''
:'''Sam''': Can't you hear yourself? Don't you know who you sound like?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gollum''': We wants it, we ''needs'' it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little Hobbitses! Wicked, tricksy, false! 
:'''Sméagol''': No. Not Master. 
:'''Gollum''': Yes, Precious. False! They will cheat you, hurt you. Lie! 
:'''Sméagol''': Master's my friend! 
:'''Gollum''': You don't ''have'' any friends! ''Nobody likes you!'' 
:'''Sméagol''': ''[covers his ears]'' Not listening...I'm not listening... 
:'''Gollum''': You're a liar and a thief. 
:'''Sméagol''' No. 
:'''Gollum''': ''[grins]''Murderer. 
:'''Sméagol''': ''[miserable]'' Go away.
:'''Gollum''': &quot;Go away?&quot; ''[laughs cruelly]''
:'''Sméagol''': ''[starts to cry]'' I hate you. I ''hate'' you! 
:'''Gollum''': Where would you be without me?! ''Gollum! Gollum!'' ''I'' saved us! It was ''me''. We survived because of ''me!''
:'''Sméagol''' ''[stops crying, realizes something]'' Not anymore. 
:'''Gollum''': What did you say? 
:'''Sméagol''': Master looks after us now. We don't need you. 
:'''Gollum''' What? 
:'''Sméagol''': Leave now, and never come back. 
:'''Gollum''': No! 
:'''Sméagol''' Leave now, and never come back! ''[Gollum growls]'' '''''LEAVE NOW, AND NEVER COME BACK!''''' 
:''[Gollum is silent, Sméagol looks around, delighted]'' 
:'''Sméagol''': We...We told him to go away. And away he goes, Precious! ''[dances gleefully]'' Gone, gone, ''gone!'' Sméagol is free!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Sam is cooking rabbit stew]''
:'''Gollum''': ''[wails]'' What's it doing?! Stupid, ''fat'' Hobbit! It ''ruins'' it!
:'''Sam''': What's to ruin? There's hardly any meat on them. What we need is a few good taters.
:'''Gollum''': What's &quot;taters&quot;, precious? What's &quot;taters&quot;, eh?
:'''Sam''': Po-ta-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick 'em in a stew. Lovely big golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish. ''[Gollum spits in disgust]'' Even ''you'' couldn't say no to that.
:'''Gollum''': Oh yes, we could! Spoiling nice fish! Give it to us ''raw'', and ''wriggling''! You keeps nasty chips!
:'''Sam''': You're hopeless.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Frodo follows the strange bird noises to a nearby cliff and sees a massive army of Southrons marching along the road. Sam and Gollum later appear behind him]''
:'''Sam''': Who are they?
:'''Gollum''': Wicked Men, servants of Sauron. The Dark one is gathering all evil to him. It won't be long now, he will soon be ready.
:'''Sam''': Ready to do what?
:'''Gollum''': To make his war. The last war, that will cover all the world.
:'''Frodo''': We have got to keep moving. Come on, Sam!
:'''Sam''': ''[notices two gigantic Mumakil marching with the Southrons]'' Wait, Mr. Frodo, look! It's an oliphaunt. ''[the hobbits are amazed to see such creatures]'' No one at home will believe this.
:''[The hobbits hear the bird noises again and this time, it's louder. Then the Southrons are ambushed by an unseen army. Arrows start flying at them and at their Mumakil, causing them to go on a rampage. One Mumakil heads to the direction of Frodo and Sam before it turns to its left and a Southron soldier falls from its tower, dead and struck by an arrow]''
:'''Frodo''': ''[noticing the body]'' We've lingered here for too long. Let's go! Come on, Sam!
:''[Frodo is suddenly captured by a hooded man: a ranger. Sam is quick to notice and he races to save Frodo but he is quickly overpowered and pushed to the ground by other rangers. One of them draws a sword at him]''
:'''Sam''': Wait! We're innocent travelers!
:'''Ranger commander (Faramir)''': There are no travelers in these lands. Only servants of the Dark Tower.
:'''Frodo''': We are bound to an errand of secrecy. Those who claim to oppose the enemy would do well not to hinder us.
:'''Faramir''': The enemy? ''[turns over the body of a fallen Haradrim soldier, shown to be a young man]'' His sense of duty was no less than yours, I deem. You wonder what his name is. Where he came from. If he was really evil at heart. What lies or threats led him on this long march from home? And he'd not rather had stayed there, at peace. War will make corpses of us all.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gimli''': ''[to Éowyn]'' It's true you don't see many Dwarf women. In fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they're often mistaken for Dwarf men.
:'''Aragorn''': ''[mouths words to Éowyn]'' It's the beards.
:'''Gimli''': This in turn has given raise to the belief that there ''are'' no women. And that Dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground! ''[Éowyn laughs]'' Which is of course ridiculous.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Éowyn''': I made some stew! It's not that much, but it's hot. ''[gives Aragorn a bowl of hot stew]''
:'''Aragorn''': ''[eats the stew, only to realize that its flavour is horrible so, as to not offend Éowyn that she made a bad stew, he forcefully swallows it]'' It's good.
:'''Éowyn''': ''[happily]'' Really? ''[while she turns around for a moment, Aragorn quickly dumps the stew but she turns back to him to ask him]'' My uncle told me a strange thing. He said that you rode to war with Thengel, my grandfather. But he must be mistaken.
:'''Aragorn''': King Théoden has a good memory. He was only a small child at the time.
:'''Éowyn''': Then you must be at least sixty. Seventy? But you cannot be eighty!
:'''Aragorn''': Eighty-seven.
:'''Éowyn''': You are one of the Dúnedain. A descendant of Númenor, blessed with long life. It was said that your race had passed into legend.
:'''Aragorn''': There are few of us left. The Northern Kingdom was destroyed long ago.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Elrond''': ''[in Elvish]'' Arwen, it is time. The ships are leaving for Valinor. Go now before it is too late.
:'''Arwen''': I have made my choice.
:'''Elrond''': He is not coming back. Why do you linger here when there is no hope?
:'''Arwen''': There is still hope.
:'''Elrond''': If Aragorn survives this war, you will still be parted. If Sauron is defeated, and Aragorn made king and all that you hope for comes true, you will still have to taste the bitterness of mortality. Whether by the sword or the slow decay of time, Aragorn will die. And there will be no comfort for you. No comfort to ease the pain of his passing. He will come to death, an image of the splendour of the kings of men in glory undimmed before the breaking of the world. But you, my daughter, you will linger on in darkness and in doubt, as nightfall in winter that comes without a star. Here you will dwell, bound to your grief, under the fading trees, until all the world is changed and the long years of your life are utterly spent. Arwen, there is nothing for you here...only death. ''[in Elvish]'' Do I not also have your love?
:'''Arwen''': ''[in Elvish, crying]'' You have my love, father.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Faramir''': What news?
:'''Madril''': Our scouts report Saruman has attacked Rohan. Théoden's people have fled to Helm's Deep. But we must look to our own borders. Faramir, Orcs are on the move. Sauron is marshaling an army. Easterlings and Southrons are passing through the Black Gate.
:'''Faramir''': How many?
:'''Madril''': Some thousands. More come every day.
:'''Faramir''': Who's covering the river to the North?
:'''Madril''': We've pulled 500 men at Osgiliath. If the city is attacked, we won't hold it.
:'''Faramir''': Saruman attacks from Isengard, Sauron from Mordor. The fight will come to Men on both fronts. Gondor is weak. Sauron will strike us soon. And he will strike hard. He knows now we do not have the strength to repel him.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Faramir''': My men tell me that you are Orc spies.
:'''Sam''': Spies?! Now wait just a minute!
:'''Faramir''': Well, if you're not spies, then who are you? Speak!
:'''Frodo''': We are Hobbits of the Shire. Frodo Baggins is my name, and this is Samwise Gamgee.
:'''Faramir''': Your bodyguard?
:'''Sam''': His gardener.
:'''Faramir''': And where is your skulking friend? That gangrel creature. He had an ill-favoured look.
:'''Frodo''': ''[reluctant]'' There was no other. We set out from Rivendell with seven companions. One we lost in Moria. Two were my kin. A Dwarf there was also, and an Elf, and two Men: Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and Boromir of Gondor.
:'''Faramir''': ''[solemn]'' You are a friend of Boromir?
:'''Frodo''': Yes, for my part.
:'''Faramir''': It would grieve you, then, to learn that he is dead.
:'''Frodo''': ''[shocked]'' Dead?! How? When?
:'''Faramir''': As one of his companions, I had hoped you would tell me.
:'''Frodo ''': If something has happened to Boromir, we would have you tell us!
:'''Faramir''': His horn washed up on the river bank, not six days past. It was cloven in two. But more than this I know it in my heart. He was my brother.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Flashback, the Gondorian army under Boromir have just reclaimed the ruined city of Osgiliath from Sauron's army]''
:'''Boromir''': ''[raising the banner of Gondor]'' This city was once the crown jewel of our kingdom! A place of life, and beauty, and music! And so it shall be once more! Let the armies of Mordor know this: Never again will the land of my people fall into enemy hands! The city of Osgiliath has been reclaimed! For GONDOR!
:'''Gondorian army''': '''''FOR GONDOR!!!!''''' ''[the cry is repeated twice]''
:'''Faramir''': ''[races to hug Boromir]'' Good speech. Nice and short.
:'''Boromir''': That means more time for drinking! ''[he and Faramir laugh]'' Bring out the ale! These men are thirsty! ''[the soldiers cheer]'' Remember today, little brother. Today, life is good. ''[the brothers drink and then he notices Faramir look at another person]'' What?
:'''Faramir''': He's here. ''[referring to their father, the Steward Denethor, who arrives to congratulate Boromir's success]''
:'''Boromir''': ''[resentful]'' One more moment of peace, can he not give us that.
:'''Denethor''': ''[happily]'' Where is he? Where is Gondor's finest? Where is my first born?
:'''Boromir''': ''[reluctantly]'' Father!
:'''Denethor''': ''[hugs Boromir]'' They say you vanquished the enemy almost singlehandedly.
:'''Boromir''': They exaggerate! The victory belongs to Faramir also!
:'''Denethor''': ''[looks at Faramir with hate]'' If it weren't for Faramir, the city would still be standing. ''[to Faramir]'' Were you not entrusted to protect it?
:'''Faramir''': I would have done it, but our numbers are too few.
:'''Denethor''': Oh, too few? You let the Enemy walk in and take it on a whim. Always you cast a poor reflection of me.
:'''Faramir''': That was not my intent. ''[leaves]''
:'''Boromir''': ''[to Denethor with resentment]'' You give him no credit, yet he tries to do your will. He loves you, father!
:'''Denethor''': Do not trouble me with Faramir. I know of his uses, and they are few. We have more urgent things to speak of. Elrond of Rivendell has called for a meeting. He will not say why but I have guessed its purpose. It is rumored: the weapon of the Enemy has been found.
:'''Boromir''': ''[shocked]'' The One Ring? Isildur's Bane?
:'''Denethor''': Now it has fallen into the hands of the Elves. Everyone will try to claim it - Men, Dwarves, Wizards. We cannot let that happen! This thing must come to Gondor.
:'''Boromir''': ''[confused and frightened]'' Gondor.
:'''Denethor''': It's dangerous, I know! Ever the Ring will seek to corrupt the hearts of lesser Men but you! You are strong! And our need is great. It is our blood which is being spilled, our people who are dying. Sauron is biding his time. He's massing fresh armies. He will return. And when he does, we will be powerless to stop him. You must go! Bring me back this mighty gift!
:'''Boromir''': ''[withdraws]'' No, my place is here with my people! Not in Rivendell!
:'''Denethor''': Would you deny your own father?!
:'''Faramir''': ''[hearing the whole conversation]'' If there is need to go to Rivendell, send me in his stead.
:'''Denethor''': ''[to Faramir]'' You? Oh, I see. A chance for Faramir, captain of Gondor, to show his quality. I think not. I trust this mission only to your brother. The one who will not fail me.
:''[Boromir is atop his horse, looking at the flag of Gondor]''
:'''Boromir''': ''[to Faramir]'' Remember today, little brother. ''[then rides out, never to be seen again]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Frodo has allowed Faramir to take Smeagol prisoner. The rangers beat Smeagol who retreats to a corner, groaning and sobbing in pain]''
:'''Faramir''': Where are you leading them? Answer me!
:''[As Smeagol cries, Gollum suddenly returns and comforts him]''
:'''Gollum''': Sméagol...Why does it cry, Sméagol? 
:'''Sméagol''': ''[sobbing]'' Cruel men hurts us. Master tricksed usǃ
:'''Gollum''' Of ''course'' he did! I told you he was tricksy. I told you he was false. 
:'''Sméagol''': Master is our friend...our friend... 
:'''Gollum''': ''[angrily]'' Master betrayed us! 
:'''Sméagol''': No, not its business! Leave us alone! 
:'''Gollum''': ''Filthy'' little Hobbitses, they ''stole it from us!'' 
:'''Sméagol''': No... No...
:'''Faramir''': What did they steal?
:'''Gollum''': My...'''''PRECIOUSSS!''''' ''[screams with rage]''
:*''Note: The line is ranked #85 in the [[w:AFI's 100 Years... 100 Movie Quotes|American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations]] in American cinema''.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Extended Edition only]''
:'''Saruman''': Gandalf the White. Gandalf the Fool! Does he seek to humble me with his newfound piety?
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': There were three who followed the wizard. An Elf, a Dwarf, and a Man.
:'''Saruman''': ''[sniffs]'' You stink of horse. ''[Gríma walks away]'' The Man, was he from Gondor?
:'''Gríma Wormtongue''': ''[Saruman regains his attention]'' No, from the North. One of the Dúnedain Rangers, I thought he was. His cloth was poor. And yet, he bore a strange ring. Two serpents with emerald eyes, one devouring, the other one crowned with golden flowers.
:'''Saruman''': The Ring of Barahir. So Gandalf Greyhame thinks he's found Isildur's heir? The lost king of Gondor? He is a fool. The line was broken years ago. It matters not. The World of Men shall fall. It will begin at Edoras.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Camera slowly zooms in at the drainhole at Helm's Deep]''
:'''Gríma ''': Helm's Deep has one weakness. Its outer wall is solid rock, but for a small culvert on its base, which is little more than a drain. ''[scene changes to Isengard, where Saruman is pouring gunpowder into a metal cauldron]'' How? How can fire undo stone? What kind of device will bring down the wall?
:'''Saruman''': ''[holds Gríma's hand back, which grips a lit candle]'' If the wall is breached, Helm's Deep will fall.
:'''Gríma''': Even if it is breached, it would take a number beyond reckoning, ''thousands'' to storm the keep.
:'''Saruman''': ''Tens'' of thousands.
:'''Gríma''': But, my lord, there is no such force.
:''[Saruman walks Gríma outside as they are talking. At this point, Saruman reveals to Gríma the massive army of Uruk-Hai]''
:'''Saruman''': A new power is rising! Its victory is at hand! ''[the Uruks cheer]'' This night, the land will be stained with the blood of Rohan! March to Helm's Deep! Leave none alive! '''''TO WAR!''''' There will be no dawn...''for Men.''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Théoden''': A great host, you say?
:'''Aragorn''': All Isengard is emptied.
:'''Théoden''': How many?
:'''Aragorn''': Ten thousand strong at least.
:'''Théoden''': ''[astonished]'' Ten thousand?
:'''Aragorn''': It is an army bred for a single purpose: to destroy the World of Men. They will be here by nightfall.
:'''Théoden''': Let them come!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Théoden''': They will break upon this fortress like water on rock. Saruman's hordes will pillage and burn, we've seen it before. Crops can be resown. Homes rebuilt. Within these walls we will outlast them.
:'''Aragorn''': They do not come to destroy Rohan’s crops and villages, they've come to destroy its people. Down to the last child.
:'''Théoden''': ''[angrily approaches Aragorn]'' What would you have me do? Look at my men. Their courage hangs by a thread. If this is to be our end, then I would have them make such an end as to be worthy of remembrance.
:'''Aragorn''': Send out riders, my lord, you must call for aid.
:'''Théoden''': And who will come? Elves? Dwarves? We are not so lucky in our friends as you. The old alliances are dead.
:'''Aragorn''': Gondor will answer.
:'''Théoden''': ''[angrily]'' ''Gondor''?! Where was ''Gondor'' when the Westfold fell?! Where was ''Gondor'' when our enemies closed in around us?! Where was Gon-? ''[suddenly regains hold of himself]'' No, my lord Aragorn. We are alone.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Aragorn''': Farmers, ferriers, stable boys. These are no soldiers.
:'''Gimli''': Most have seen too many winters.
:'''Legolas''': Or too few. Look at them, they're frightened. You can see it in their eyes. ''[the soldiers suddenly stop arming themselves after hearing Legolas. Legolas then speaks in Elvish]'' And they should be three hundred... against ten thousand?
:'''Aragorn''': ''[in Elvish]'' They have more hope of defending themselves here than at Edoras.
:'''Legolas''': ''[in Elvish]'' Aragorn, they cannot win this fight. They're all going to die!
:'''Aragorn''': ''[in common tongue]'' Then I shall die as one of them!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
[[File:Casco de Rohirrim.jpg|thumb|Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing?]]
:'''Gamling''': Every villager able to wield a sword has been sent to the armory. ''[Théoden does not respond]'' My lord?
:'''Théoden''': Who am I, Gamling?
:'''Gamling''': You are our king, sire.
:'''Théoden''': And do you trust your king?
:'''Gamling''': Your men, my lord, will follow you to whatever end.
:'''Théoden''': To whatever end. Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed like rain on the mountains. Like wind in the meadow. The days have gone down in the West, behind the hills, into Shadow. How did it come to this?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Treebeard and the Ents gather for an Entmoot which has lasted for many long hours]''
:'''Merry''': ''[walking around, impatiently]'' It's been going for hours!
:'''Pippin''': They must've decided on something by now.
:'''Treebeard''': Decided? No! We only just finished saying... Good Morning.
:'''Merry''': ''[disappointed]'' But it's nighttime already! You can't take forever!
:'''Treebeard''': Don't be hasty.
:'''Merry''': We're running out of time!
:''[Treebeard ignores Merry and the Entmoot continues]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gimli''': ''[unable to see over the wall, to Legolas]'' Ah, you could've picked a better spot! ''[to Aragorn]'' Well, lad, whatever luck you live by, let's hope it lasts the night.
:''[Thunder roared and lightning flashed. From the wall, the outnumbered defenders can see the horde of Uruk-hai, approaching]''
:'''Legolas''': Your friends are with you, Aragorn.
:'''Gimli''': Let's hope ''they'' last the night.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gimli''': ''[struggling to see over the wall]'' What's happening out there?
:'''Legolas''': Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you a box?
:''[Gimli is silent for a moment, then laughs]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gimli''': ''[kills two Uruk-Hai warriors]'' Legolas! Two already!
:'''Legolas''': I'm on 17!
:'''Gimli''': Huh? I'll have no pointy-ear outscoring me! ''[kills another one]''
:'''Legolas''': ''[shoots two more]'' 19!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Treebeard''': We have just agreed... ''[falls asleep]''
:'''Merry''': Yes?
:'''Treebeard''': ''[wakes up]'' I have told your names to the Entmoot and we have agreed...you are not Orcs. ''[Treebeard and the Ents behind him smile as they awkwardly nod]''
:'''Pippin''': Well, that's good news.
:'''Merry''': What about Saruman? Have you come to a decision about him?
:'''Treebeard''': Now, don't be hasty, Master Meriadoc.
:'''Merry''': Hasty? Our friends are out there! They need our help! They cannot fight this war on their own!
:'''Treebeard''': War, yes. It affects us all, tree, root and twig. But you must understand, young Hobbit, it takes a long time to say anything in Old Entish. And we never say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gimli''': Oh, come on! We can take 'em!
:'''Aragorn''': It's a long way.
:'''Gimli''': ''[reluctantly]'' Toss me.
:'''Aragorn''': What?
:'''Gimli''': I cannot jump the distance, you'll have to toss me! ''[Aragorn nods]'' Don't tell the Elf.
:'''Aragorn''': Not a word. ''[tosses Gimli into the Uruks and he follows suit. The two warriors fight the Uruks on the causeway while Theoden and his soldiers barricade the breached gate]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Treebeard''': The Ents cannot hold back this storm. We must weather such things as we have always always done.
:'''Merry''': How can that be your decision?!
:'''Treebeard''': This is not our war.
:'''Merry''': But you're part of this world! Aren't you? You must help! Please! You must do something.
:'''Treebeard''': You are young and brave, Master Merry. But your part in this tale is over. Go back to your home.
:'''Pippin''': Maybe Treebeard's right. We don't belong here, Merry. It's too big for us. What can we do in the end? We've got the Shire. Maybe we should go home.
:'''Merry''': The fires of Isengard will spread. And the woods of Tuckborough and Buckland will burn. And all that was once green and good in this world will be gone. There won't ''be'' a Shire, Pippin.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Having gone south at Pippin's request, Treebeard sees the devastation of Fangorn]''
:'''Treebeard''': ''[horrified]'' Many of these trees were my friends. Creatures I had known from nut and acorn.
:'''Pippin''': I'm sorry, Treebeard.
:'''Treebeard''': They had voices of their own... ''[angrily as he looks at Isengard]'' Saruman...''A wizard should know better! ''[lets out a howl of rage that echoes across the forest]'' There is ''no'' curse in Elvish, Entish or the tongues of Men for this ''treachery!''
:'''Pippin''': ''[sees a horde of Huorns moving out]'' Look, the trees! They're moving!
:'''Merry''': Where are they going?
:'''Treebeard''': They have business with the Orcs. ''My'' business is with Isengard tonight, with rock and stone!
:''[More Ents emerge from the forest]''
:'''Merry''': Yes...!
:'''Treebeard''': Come, my friends. The Ents are going to war. It is likely that we go to our doom...the Last March of the Ents!
:''[Treebeard and hundreds of Ents march towards Isengard]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Théoden''': The fortress is taken. It is over.
:'''Aragorn''': You said this fortress would never fall while your men defend it! They ''still'' defend it! They have ''died'' defending it! [''to Gamling''] Is there no other way for the women and children to get out of the caves? Is there no other way?!
:'''Gamling''': There is one passage, it leads into the mountains. But they will not get far, the Uruk-Hai are too many!
:'''Aragorn''': Send word for the women and children to make for the mountain pass and barricade the entrance!
:'''Théoden''': So much death... what can Men do against such reckless hate?
:'''Aragorn''': Ride out with me. Ride out and meet them.
:'''Théoden''': For death and glory?
:'''Aragorn''': For Rohan. For your people.
:'''Gimli''': The sun is rising...
:''[Sunlight enters through a window, illuminating the room]''
:'''Gandalf the White''': ''[in memory]'' &quot;Look to my coming at first light on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East&quot;.
:'''Théoden''': Yes...yes! The Horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the Deep...''one last time!''
:'''Gimli''': Yes!
:'''Théoden''': ''[to Aragorn]'' Let this be the hour when we draw swords together! ''[to his men]'' Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath, now for ruin and a red dawn! ''[Gimli sounds the horn as the Uruks break down the doors]'' '''''FORTH EORLINGAS! CHARGE!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After the Battle of Helm's Deep, Extended Edition only]''
:'''Legolas''': Final count: forty-two.
:'''Gimli''': [sitting on a dead Uruk with an ax embedded in its head, smoking a pipe] Forty-two? Ooh! That's not bad for a pointy-eared Elvish princeling. I myself am sitting pretty on forty-''three''.
:'''Legolas''': ''[suddenly shoots an arrow into the dead Uruk]'' Forty-three.
:'''Gimli''': He was already dead.
:'''Legolas''': He was twitching.
:'''Gimli''': He was twitching because he's got my ax embedded in his nervous system! ''[jiggles the axe, the Uruk spasms lifelessly]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Merry''': ''[referring to Saruman who is stranded in Orthanc after watching the Ents flood all of Isengard]'' He doesn't look too happy, does he?
:'''Pippin''': Not too happy all, Merry.
:'''Merry''': You don't suppose the view would be quite nice from up there?
:'''Pippin''': Oh yes! It's a quality establishment, I hear the staff are very good.
:''[While Pippin looks at Orthanc, Merry tries to compare his height with Pippin, surprised to see that he is back to his normal height]''
:'''Pippin''': ''[turns to Merry]'' What are you doing?
:'''Merry''': ''[smiling]'' Nothing! The world's back to normal, that's all.
:'''Pippin''': ''[frowns]'' No, it isn't. I'm starving.
:'''Merry''': Good luck finding something decent to eat around here. You'd probably find nothing but dead rats and moldy bread.
:''[As Merry searches for some food, Pippin finds an apple and other food lying around. He and Merry follow the trail to the nearby storage which contains many food, much to their delight. They also find two barrels]''
:'''Pippin''': ''[surprised]'' Is that?
:'''Merry''': ''[happily opens the barrel which is full of weed]'' Longbottom leaf! Finest weed in the Southfarthing!
:'''Pippin''': It's perfect! One barrel each! ''[stops and realizes something]'' Wait! Don't you think we should share this with Treebeard?
:'''Merry''': Share it? ''[shakes his head as he realizes one thing]'' No, I don't think he'd understand. Dead plant and all; could be a distant relative.
:'''Pippin''': ''[smiles]'' Oh, I get it. ''Don't be hasty.''
:'''Merry''': ''[pulls out his smoking pipe]'' Exactly!
:''[The hobbits laugh and they start smoking. Outside the room, Treebeard smells the smoke and wonders what the hobbits are doing]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Frodo attacks Sam with his sword]''
:'''Sam''': It's me. It's your Sam. Don't you know your Sam?
:'''Frodo''': ''[snaps out of the spell, horrified, and drops his sword]'' I can't do this, Sam.
:'''Sam''': I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. ''[watching the Nazgûl flying away]'' It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo; the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end...because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was, when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
:'''Frodo''': What are we holding on to, Sam?
:'''Sam''': That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': I wonder if we'll ever be put into songs or tales.
:'''Frodo''': What?
:'''Sam''': I wonder if people will ever say, &quot;Let's hear about Frodo and the Ring,&quot; and they'll say, &quot;Yes, that's one of my favorite stories.&quot; &quot;Frodo was really courageous, wasn't he, Dad?&quot; &quot;Yes, my boy. The most famousest of Hobbits. And that's saying a lot.&quot;
:'''Frodo''': You left out one of the chief characters: Samwise the Brave. I want to hear more about Sam. ''[stops walking and turns around to face Sam]'' Frodo wouldn't have got far without Sam.
:'''Sam''': Now Mr. Frodo, you shouldn't make fun. I was being serious.
:'''Frodo''': ''[smiling]'' So was I. ''[walks ahead]''
:'''Sam''': ''[to himself]'' 'Samwise the Brave'.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Sméagol''' Master...Master looks after us. Master wouldn't hurt us. 
:'''Gollum''': Master broke his promise! 
:'''Sméagol''': Don't ask Sméagol. Poor, poor Sméagol... 
:'''Gollum''': Master betrayed us! Wicked, tricksy, false. We ought to wring his filthy little neck. Kill him! Kill him! Kill them both! And then we takes the precious...and ''we'' be the master! 
:'''Sméagol''': But the fat Hobbit, he knows. Eyes always watching. 
:'''Gollum''': Then we stabs them out! Put out his eyeses! Make ''him'' crawl! 
:'''Sméagol''': Yes! Yes! Yes! 
:'''Gollum''': Kill them bothǃ 
:'''Sméagol''': Yes! No, no! It's too risky, ''it's too risky!''
:'''Frodo''': ''[distant]'' Sméagol? Sméagol?
:'''Gollum''': ''[sly]'' We could let ''her'' do it. 
:'''Sméagol''': Yes...''she'' could do it! 
:'''Gollum''': Yes, precious, she could. And then we takes it once they're dead. 
:'''Sméagol''': Once they're dead... 
:'''Gollum''': Shhhh... 
:'''Sméagol''': ''[to Frodo and Sam]'' Come on, Hobbits. Long ways to go yet. Sméagol will show you the way. 
:'''Gollum''': ''[sinisterly]'' Follow me.

== Cast ==
{{col-begin}}
{{col-2}}
* [[w:Elijah Wood|Elijah Wood]] - [[w:Frodo Baggins|Frodo Baggins]]
* [[w:Ian McKellen|Ian McKellen]] - [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf the White]]
* [[w:Liv Tyler|Liv Tyler]] - [[w:Arwen|Arwen Undómiel]]
* [[Viggo Mortensen]] - [[w:Aragorn|Aragorn]]
* [[w:Sean Astin|Sean Astin]] - [[w:Samwise Gamgee|Samwise &quot;Sam&quot; Gamgee]]
* [[Cate Blanchett]] - [[w:Galadriel|Galadriel]]
* [[John Rhys-Davies]] - [[w:Gimli (Middle-earth)|Gimli]] / [[w:Treebeard|Treebeard]] (voice)
* [[w:Bernard Hill|Bernard Hill]] - [[w:Théoden|King Théoden]]
* [[w:Christopher Lee|Christopher Lee]] - [[w:Saruman|Saruman the White]]
* [[w:Billy Boyd|Billy Boyd]] - [[w:Pippin Took|Pippin Took]]
{{col-2}}
* [[w:Dominic Monaghan|Dominic Monaghan]] - [[w:Merry Brandybuck|Merry Brandybuck]]
* [[w:Orlando Bloom|Orlando Bloom]] - [[w:Legolas|Legolas Greenleaf]]
* [[w:Miranda Otto|Miranda Otto]] - [[w:Éowyn|Éowyn]]
* [[w:David Wenham|David Wenham]] - [[w:Faramir|Faramir]]
* [[w:Andy Serkis|Andy Serkis]] - [[w:Gollum|Sméagol / Gollum]] (voice)
* [[w:Sean Bean|Sean Bean]] - [[w:Boromir|Boromir]]
* [[w:Karl Urban|Karl Urban]] - [[w:Eomer|Eomer]]
* [[w:Craig Parker|Craig Parker]] - [[w:Haldir|Haldir]]
* [[w:John Noble|John Noble]] - [[w:Denethor|Denethor]]
* [[w:John Bach|John Bach]] - Madril
{{col-end}}

==About ''The Two Towers''==
:'''Andy Serkis''': Hi, everybody. My name's Andy Serkis, and I'm delighted to receive this award on behalf of everybody who brought Gollum to life. I can't actually be with you this evening, because we're down in New Zealand, completing more shots on Gollum for ''Return of the King''. I'm actually in the motion capture studio where we do lots of Gollum. Uh, I would like to say a big thank you to all the MTV fans, to the ''Lord of the Rings'' fans, and to everybody who worked on Gollum. It is a complete marriage of skills-
:'''Gollum''': You're a liar and a thief! ''[he takes the MTV award]'' It's mine! I won it! It was me! We only won because of me!
:'''Sméagol''': And me! MTV's my friend! My friend!
:'''Gollum''': You don't have any friends. Nobody likes you!
:'''Sméagol''': [[w:Magical creatures in Harry Potter|Dobby]] likes me!
:'''Gollum''': Dobby?! Dobby's a fucking fag!
:'''Andy Serkis''': That's enough, Gollum.
:'''Gollum''': Piss off, Serkis, you stupid, fat, wart face fucking turd!
:'''Andy Serkis''': I'm--I'm not fat.
:'''Gollum''': We're not gonna thank anyone. No, no! Not you, not MTV, and not those pixel-pushing pin-dicks at Weta Digital! And Peter Jackson, my precious, who do you think you are, you fucking hack?! Shame on you! Shame on you! Go fuck yourself!
:'''Sméagol''': Not listening. I'm not listening!
:'''Gollum''': Frankly, nothing can compensate for the long hours and low pay and miserable experience we've had making this fucking movie. And if you think this shitty little tub of gold popcorn is gonna remotely make up for everything we've suffered, you're sadly fucking mistaken! ''You're all bastards! MTV sucks! We hate you all!''
:'''Sméagol''': ''[smiles]'' Good night!
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYMBNh1dTLc MTV Award] speech by Andy Serkis and Gollum/Sméagol (May 2003)

== See also ==
* ''[[The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring]]'' (2001)
* ''[[The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King]]'' (2003)
* ''[[The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey|The Hobbit: Part 1]]'' (2012)
* ''[[The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug|The Hobbit: Part 2]]'' (2013)
* ''[[The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies|The Hobbit: Part 3]]'' (2014)
* ''[[The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim]]'' (2024)

==Taglines==
*The Battle for Middle-earth Begins.
*The Journey Continues.
*The Fellowship Is Broken.
*A New Power is Rising.
*Save the Precious.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0167261|title=The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=lord_of_the_rings_the_two_towers|title=The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers}}
* The Official [http://www.lordoftherings.net ''Lord of the Rings''] Site

{{DEFAULTSORT:Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The}}
[[Category:Films shot in New Zealand]]
[[Category:Adaptations of works by J. R. R. Tolkien‎]]
[[Category:2002 films]]
[[Category:Epic films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Fantasy films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Peter Jackson]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Philippa Boyens]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Stephen Sinclair]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:Films about dwarfs]]
[[Category:Elf films]]
[[Category:Best Visual Effects Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Films directed by Peter Jackson]]
[[Category:Siege films]]
[[Category:Films about wizards]]
[[Category:2000s English-language films]]

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[[File:MtSunday.jpg|thumb|The Uruks turned northeast! ''They're taking the Hobbits to Isengard!'']]
'''''[[w:The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers|The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers]]''''' is a British/American 2002 epic fantasy adventure film and the [[The Two Towers|second installment]] in [[The Lord of the Rings (movies)|''The Lord of the Rings'' motion picture trilogy]] based on ''[[The Two Towers]]'' by [[J. R. R. Tolkien]].

:''Directed by [[Peter Jackson]]. Written by [[w:Frances Walsh|Frances Walsh]], [[w:Philippa Boyens|Philippa Boyens]] and [[Peter Jackson]].''
{{center|'''A New Power Is Rising.''' ([[#taglines|taglines]])}}

== Aragorn ==

* Rohan, realm of the horse lords. There is something evil at work in these lands. Something evil gives speed to these creatures and sets its will against us. 

* It is an army bred for a single purpose: to destroy the World of Men.

* Show them ''no'' mercy... for ''you'' shall receive none!

== Gandalf the White ==

* I come back to you now, at the turn of the tide. 

* The coming of Merry and Pippin will be like the falling of small stones that starts an avalanche in the mountains.

* Be silent! Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth! I have not passed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm.

* I will draw you, Saruman, as poison is drawn from a wound!

* Three hundred lives of men I've walked this earth and now I have no time. With luck, my search will not be in vain. Look to my coming at first light on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East.

* Sauron's wrath will be terrible, his retribution swift. The battle for Helm's Deep is over. The battle for Middle Earth is about to begin.

== Gollum/Sméagol ==

* The thieves! The thieves! The filthy little thieves!

* We swears to serve the master of the precious. We'll swear on...on the precious!

* We be nice to them, if they be nice to us.

== Sam Gamgee ==

* It's me. It's your Sam. Don't you know your Sam?

* It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something even if you were too small to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand, I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something...That there's some good in the world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for.

== Saruman ==

* The world is changing. Who now has the strength to stand against the armies of Isengard...and Mordor? To stand against the might of Sauron ''and'' Saruman and the union of the two towers? Together, my Lord Sauron, we shall rule this Middle-Earth. The old world will burn in the fires of industry. The forests will fall. A new order will rise. We will drive the machine of war with the sword and the spear and the iron fist of the Orc. We have only to remove those who oppose us.

* A new power is rising! Its victory is at hand! This night, the land will be stained with the blood of Rohan! March to Helm's Deep! Leave none alive! ''To war!'' There will be no dawn...''for Men.''

== Théoden ==

* Your leech-craft would have had me crawling on all fours like a ''beast!''

* So it begins.

* So much death... what can Men do against such reckless hate?

* Let this be the hour when we draw swords together! Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath, now for ruin and a red dawn!

== Others ==

* '''Elrond''': He will come to death, an image of the splendour of the kings of men in glory undimmed before the breaking of the world. But you, my daughter, you will linger on in darkness and in doubt, as nightfall in winter that comes without a star. Here you will dwell, bound to your grief, under the fading trees, until all the world is changed and the long years of your life are utterly spent. 

* '''Faramir''': A chance for Faramir, captain of Gondor, to show his quality.

* '''Frodo''': This is Sting. You've seen it before, haven't you... ''Gollum''. Release him, or I'll cut your throat! 

* '''Gimli''': Three days and nights pursuit. No food, no rest! Nor a sign of a quarry of what a bare rock can tell!

* '''Gimli''': I'm wasted on cross-country! We dwarves are natural sprinters! Very dangerous over short distances!

* '''Merry''': The fires of Isengard will spread. And the woods of Tuckborough and Buckland will burn. And all that was once green and good in this world will be gone. There won't ''be'' a Shire, Pippin.

* '''Treebeard''': It takes a long time to say anything in Old Entish. And we never say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say.

* '''Treebeard''': Many of these trees were my friends. Creatures I had known from nut and acorn.

* '''Uglúk''': I don't take orders from orc maggots.

== Dialogue ==

:'''Aragorn''': Legolas! What do your Elf eyes see?
:'''Legolas''': The Uruks turned northeast! ''They're taking the Hobbits to Isengard!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mauhúr''': I'm starving! We ain't had nothing but maggoty bread for three stinking days!
:'''Snaga''': Yeah! Why can't we have some meat? What about them? They're fresh!
:'''Uglúk''': They are ''not'' for eating!
:'''Grishnákh''': What about their legs? They don't need those. Ooh, they look tasty...!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Éomer''': What business does an Elf, a Man, and a Dwarf have in the Riddermark? Speak quickly!
:'''Gimli''': Give me your name, Horse-master, and I shall give you mine.
:'''Éomer''': I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.
:'''Legolas''': You would die before your sword fell!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pippin''': And, whose side are you on?
:'''Treebeard''': Side? I am on nobody's side, because nobody is on my side, little Orc. Nobody cares for the woods anymore.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Aragorn''': You fell.
:'''Gandalf''': Through fire and water. From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak, I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth. Until at last, I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountainside. Darkness took me. And I strayed out of thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead and everyday was as long as a life-age of the earth. But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Éowyn''': Leave me alone, snake!
:'''Gríma''': Oh, but you ''are'' alone. Who knows what you've spoken to the darkness? In bitter watches of the night, when all your life seems to shrink, the walls of your bower closing in about you, like a hutch to trammel some wild thing in! So fair, so cold, like a morning of pale spring still clinging to winter's chill...
:'''Éowyn''': Your words are poison. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Théoden''': Dark have been my dreams of late. 
:'''Gandalf''': Your fingers would remember their old strength better...if they grasped your sword.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gollum''': What's it doing?! Stupid, ''fat'' Hobbit! It ''ruins'' it!
:'''Sam''': What's to ruin? There's hardly any meat on them. What we need is a few good taters.
:'''Gollum''': What's &quot;taters&quot;, precious? What's &quot;taters&quot;, eh?
:'''Sam''': Po-ta-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick 'em in a stew. Lovely big golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish. Even ''you'' couldn't say no to that.
:'''Gollum''': Oh yes, we could! Spoiling nice fish! Give it to us ''raw'', and ''wriggling''! You keeps nasty chips!
:'''Sam''': You're hopeless.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gimli''': It's true you don't see many Dwarf women. In fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they're often mistaken for Dwarf men.
:'''Aragorn''': ''[aside to Éowyn]'' It's the beards.
:'''Gimli''': This in turn has given raise to the belief that there ''are'' no women. And that Dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground! Which is of course ridiculous.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Frodo''': We are Hobbits of the Shire. Frodo Baggins is my name, and this is Samwise Gamgee.
:'''Faramir''': Your bodyguard?
:'''Sam''': His gardener.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gollum''': ''Filthy'' little Hobbitses, they ''stole it from us!'' 
:'''Sméagol''': No... No...
:'''Faramir''': What did they steal?
:'''Gollum''': My...''Preciousss!'' 
:*''Note: The line is ranked #85 in the [[w:AFI's 100 Years... 100 Movie Quotes|American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations]] in American cinema''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Saruman''': If the wall is breached, Helm's Deep will fall.
:'''Gríma''': Even if it is breached, it would take a number beyond reckoning, ''thousands'' to storm the keep.
:'''Saruman''': ''Tens'' of thousands.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Théoden''': Look at my men. Their courage hangs by a thread. If this is to be our end, then I would have them make such an end as to be worthy of remembrance.
:'''Aragorn''': Send out riders, my lord. You must call for aid.
:'''Théoden''': And who will come? Elves? Dwarves? We are not so lucky in our friends as you. The old alliances are dead.
:'''Aragorn''': Gondor will answer.
:'''Théoden''': ''Gondor''?! Where was ''Gondor'' when the Westfold fell?! Where was ''Gondor'' when our enemies closed in around us?! Where was Gon—? No, my lord Aragorn. We are alone.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Aragorn''': Farmers, ferriers, stable boys. These are no soldiers.
:'''Gimli''': Most have seen too many winters.
:'''Legolas''': Or too few. Look at them, they're frightened. You can see it in their eyes. ''[in Elvish]'' And they should b. Three hundred... against ten thousand?
:'''Aragorn''': ''[in Elvish]'' They have more hope of defending themselves here than at Edoras.
:'''Legolas''': ''[in Elvish]'' Aragorn, they cannot win this fight. They're all going to die!
:'''Aragorn''': ''[in common tongue]'' Then I shall die as one of them!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
[[File:Casco de Rohirrim.jpg|thumb|Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing?]]
:'''Théoden''': Who am I, Gamling?
:'''Gamling''': You are our king, sire.
:'''Théoden''': And do you trust your king?
:'''Gamling''': Your men, my lord, will follow you to whatever end.
:'''Théoden''': To whatever end. Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed like rain on the mountains. Like wind in the meadow. The days have gone down in the West, behind the hills, into Shadow. How did it come to this?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gimli''': What's happening out there?
:'''Legolas''': Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you a box?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gimli''': Legolas! Two already!
:'''Legolas''': I'm on seventeen!
:'''Gimli''': Huh? I'll have no pointy-ear outscoring me! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gimli''': Oh, come on! We can take 'em!
:'''Aragorn''': It's a long way.
:'''Gimli''': Toss me.
:'''Aragorn''': What?
:'''Gimli''': I cannot jump the distance, you'll have to toss me!... Don't tell the Elf.
:'''Aragorn''': Not a word.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': I wonder if we'll ever be put into songs or tales.
:'''Frodo''': What?
:'''Sam''': I wonder if people will ever say, &quot;Let's hear about Frodo and the Ring,&quot; and they'll say, &quot;Yes, that's one of my favorite stories.&quot; &quot;Frodo was really courageous, wasn't he, Dad?&quot; &quot;Yes, my boy. The most famousest of Hobbits. And that's saying a lot.&quot;
:'''Frodo''': You left out one of the chief characters: Samwise the Brave. I want to hear more about Sam. Frodo wouldn't have got far without Sam.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gollum''': We could let ''her'' do it. 
:'''Sméagol''': Yes...''she'' could do it! 
:'''Gollum''': Yes, precious, she could. And then we takes it once they're dead.

== Cast ==
{{col-begin}}
{{col-2}}
* [[w:Elijah Wood|Elijah Wood]] - [[w:Frodo Baggins|Frodo Baggins]]
* [[w:Ian McKellen|Ian McKellen]] - [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf the White]]
* [[w:Liv Tyler|Liv Tyler]] - [[w:Arwen|Arwen Undómiel]]
* [[Viggo Mortensen]] - [[w:Aragorn|Aragorn]]
* [[w:Sean Astin|Sean Astin]] - [[w:Samwise Gamgee|Samwise &quot;Sam&quot; Gamgee]]
* [[Cate Blanchett]] - [[w:Galadriel|Galadriel]]
* [[John Rhys-Davies]] - [[w:Gimli (Middle-earth)|Gimli]] / [[w:Treebeard|Treebeard]] (voice)
* [[w:Bernard Hill|Bernard Hill]] - [[w:Théoden|King Théoden]]
* [[w:Christopher Lee|Christopher Lee]] - [[w:Saruman|Saruman the White]]
* [[w:Billy Boyd|Billy Boyd]] - [[w:Pippin Took|Pippin Took]]
{{col-2}}
* [[w:Dominic Monaghan|Dominic Monaghan]] - [[w:Merry Brandybuck|Merry Brandybuck]]
* [[w:Orlando Bloom|Orlando Bloom]] - [[w:Legolas|Legolas Greenleaf]]
* [[w:Miranda Otto|Miranda Otto]] - [[w:Éowyn|Éowyn]]
* [[w:David Wenham|David Wenham]] - [[w:Faramir|Faramir]]
* [[w:Andy Serkis|Andy Serkis]] - [[w:Gollum|Sméagol / Gollum]] (voice)
* [[w:Sean Bean|Sean Bean]] - [[w:Boromir|Boromir]]
* [[w:Karl Urban|Karl Urban]] - [[w:Eomer|Eomer]]
* [[w:Craig Parker|Craig Parker]] - [[w:Haldir|Haldir]]
* [[w:John Noble|John Noble]] - [[w:Denethor|Denethor]]
* [[w:John Bach|John Bach]] - Madril
{{col-end}}

==About ''The Two Towers''==
:'''Andy Serkis''': Hi, everybody. My name's Andy Serkis, and I'm delighted to receive this award on behalf of everybody who brought Gollum to life. I can't actually be with you this evening, because we're down in New Zealand, completing more shots on Gollum for ''Return of the King''. I'm actually in the motion capture studio where we do lots of Gollum. Uh, I would like to say a big thank you to all the MTV fans, to the ''Lord of the Rings'' fans, and to everybody who worked on Gollum. It is a complete marriage of skills-
:'''Gollum''': You're a liar and a thief! ''[he takes the MTV award]'' It's mine! I won it! It was me! We only won because of me!
:'''Sméagol''': And me! MTV's my friend! My friend!
:'''Gollum''': You don't have any friends. Nobody likes you!
:'''Sméagol''': [[w:Magical creatures in Harry Potter|Dobby]] likes me!
:'''Gollum''': Dobby?! Dobby's a fucking fag!
:'''Andy Serkis''': That's enough, Gollum.
:'''Gollum''': Piss off, Serkis, you stupid, fat, wart face fucking turd!
:'''Andy Serkis''': I'm--I'm not fat.
:'''Gollum''': We're not gonna thank anyone. No, no! Not you, not MTV, and not those pixel-pushing pin-dicks at Weta Digital! And Peter Jackson, my precious, who do you think you are, you fucking hack?! Shame on you! Shame on you! Go fuck yourself!
:'''Sméagol''': Not listening. I'm not listening!
:'''Gollum''': Frankly, nothing can compensate for the long hours and low pay and miserable experience we've had making this fucking movie. And if you think this shitty little tub of gold popcorn is gonna remotely make up for everything we've suffered, you're sadly fucking mistaken! ''You're all bastards! MTV sucks! We hate you all!''
:'''Sméagol''': ''[smiles]'' Good night!
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYMBNh1dTLc MTV Award] speech by Andy Serkis and Gollum/Sméagol (May 2003)

== See also ==
* ''[[The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring]]'' (2001)
* ''[[The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King]]'' (2003)
* ''[[The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey|The Hobbit: Part 1]]'' (2012)
* ''[[The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug|The Hobbit: Part 2]]'' (2013)
* ''[[The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies|The Hobbit: Part 3]]'' (2014)
* ''[[The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim]]'' (2024)

==Taglines==
*The Battle for Middle-earth Begins.
*The Journey Continues.
*The Fellowship Is Broken.
*A New Power is Rising.
*Save the Precious.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0167261|title=The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=lord_of_the_rings_the_two_towers|title=The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers}}
* The Official [http://www.lordoftherings.net ''Lord of the Rings''] Site

{{DEFAULTSORT:Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The}}
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[[Category:Screenplays by Stephen Sinclair]]
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[[Category:Elf films]]
[[Category:Best Visual Effects Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Films directed by Peter Jackson]]
[[Category:Siege films]]
[[Category:Films about wizards]]
[[Category:2000s English-language films]]

[[de:Der Herr der Ringe – Die zwei Türme]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Fabio Cannavaro</title>
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      <contributor>
        <username>Danyele</username>
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      <minor />
      <comment>better photo</comment>
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      <text bytes="3595" sha1="25qt0xkvdzjtf3dqoml91lng3f5hf6n" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Fabio cannavaro wikipedia (cropped).jpg|thumb|Fabio Cannavaro in 2024]]

'''[[w:Fabio Cannavaro|Fabio Cannavaro]]''', [[w:Italian orders of merit|Cavaliere OMRI]] (born [[September 13]], [[1973]]) is an Italian FIFA World Cup-winning footballer and captain of Italy who currently plays for [[w:Juventus Turin|Napoli (Naples)]].

== About Cannavaro ==

* If [[w:Rio Ferdinand|Rio Ferdinand]] is worth £120,000 a week, Cannavaro is worth a hundred million a day.
** [[w:Eamon Dunphy|Eamon Dunphy]], on Fabio Cannavaro's performance during [[w:2006 FIFA World Cup|Germany 2006]] [http://www.elevenaside.com/quoteoftheday/]

* Fabio being the first player presented has a special symbolic meaning, being that he is true number one with great leadership skills. We are convinced he will be a role model to help build a winning team. Upon arriving in Madrid, Cannavaro's first words demonstrated his pride, happiness, and satisfaction for joining such an admired Club.
** President [[w:Ramón Calderón|Ramón Calderón]] of [[w:Real Madrid CF|Real Madrid CF]], speaking at the unveiling of Fabio Cannavaro [http://www.realmadrid.com/articulo/rma32537.htm]

* Cannavaro is having a fantastic World Cup. He is without question the strongest defender at this tournament and the absolute number one in the world.
** [[w:Marcello Lippi|Marcello Lippi]] [http://www.mg.co.za/articledirect.aspx?articleid%3D276589]

* Fabio Cannavaro was the best player of this World Cup.
** [[Diego Maradona]], speaking of [[w:2006 FIFA World Cup|Germany 2006]] [http://www.i-sportsbook.com/soccer/index.html]

* I would have married Fabio anyway, no matter what was his job or where. It doesn't matter that he is a world known footballer. I love him because of his essence as a human being.
** [[w:Daniela Arenoso|Daniela Arenoso]], on her love and marriage to Fabio Cannavaro [http://www.cannaddicted.com/English/Fabio/Family.htm]

* Talking about Fabio's height is the same as talking about the fog in Milan.I have never felt that he is short when I play with him,because he can jump higher than anybody else. He is always good at heading. It doesn't make any sense talking about Cannavaro like that.
** [[w:Alessandro Nesta|Alessandro Nesta]], on Fabio Cannavaro's height [http://www.cannaddicted.com/English/Fabio/Quotes.htm]

* Cannavaro has that unmistakable presence as a leader and in my impression, is exactly like that tough and cool-headed defense he shows on the pitch.
** [[w:Iker Casillas|Iker Casillas]], when asked to describe Cannavaro after joining [[w:Real Madrid|Real Madrid]] [http://www.cannaddicted.com/English/Fabio/Quotes.htm]

* I can't choose just one! Real Madrid only has great players. Raul, [[w:David Beckham|David Beckham]], [[w:Ruud van Nistelrooy|Ruud van Nistelrooy]], Ronaldo... The one that impressed me the most after having actually played together is Cannavaro. He's sturdy and lithe and his attitude when he faces a match is exceptional too. I think he's the best center-back in the world.
** [[w:Mahamadou Diarra|Mahamadou Diarra]], when asked who he'd want to play together with at [[w:Real Madrid|Real Madrid]][http://www.cannaddicted.com/English/Fabio/Quotes.htm]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
*[http://www.realmadrid.com/articulo/rma32908.htm Fabio Cannavaro profile at official Real Madrid website]
*[http://www.fabiocannavaro.it/ Official website]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Cannavaro, Fabio}}
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  <page>
    <title>Liza Minnelli</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <timestamp>2026-07-10T16:19:51Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dave Schweisguth</username>
        <id>3348981</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>Correct spelling of Minnelli</comment>
      <origin>3963127</origin>
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      <text bytes="6035" sha1="dw7q0pzyxrs8ni5x2tztojztcid0v54" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Liza Minnelli Cabaret 1972 crop.JPG|thumb|{{center|I'm carrying on a tradition. &lt;br&gt;But I'd rather be a first-rate version of myself than a second-rate version of somebody else. &lt;br&gt;l'm proud of my parents, and the only way that I can prove it to them is to take what they gave me and work my head off.}}]]

'''[[w:Liza Minnelli|Liza May Minnelli]]''' (born [[March 12]], [[1946]]) is an American actress, singer, and dancer. Known for her commanding stage presence and powerful [[w:alto|alto]] singing voice, Minnelli has received [[w:List of awards and nominations received by Liza Minnelli|numerous accolades]], including an [[w:Academy Awards|Academy Award]], a [[w:British Academy Film Awards|BAFTA Award]], an [[w:Emmy Awards|Emmy Award]], two [[w:Golden Globe Awards|Golden Globe Awards]], and four [[w:Tony Awards|Tony Awards]]. She is one of the few performers awarded a [[w:EGOT#Non-competitive EGOT|non-competitive]] [[w:EGOT#Liza Minnelli|EGOT]] having received an honorary [[w:Grammy Award|Grammy Award]]. Minnelli is a Knight of the French [[w:Legion of Honour|Legion of Honour]].

== Quotes ==

* Liza Minnelli said she can't sing well enough those &quot;special songs&quot; of her late mother, Judy Garland, so she doesn't sing them at all. The award-winning entertainer said she'd &quot;'''rather present a first-rate version of myself than a second-rate version of Mama.'''&quot;
** As paraphrased and quoted in [https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=S8cxAAAAIBAJ&amp;sjid=PIYDAAAAIBAJ&amp;pg=6062%2C6382171 &quot;News Spotlight,&quot;] ''The Kingsport Daily News'' (December 11, 1974), p.&amp;nbsp;9
* I couldn't sing Mama's special songs. I couldn't do them as well. '''I would rather present a first-rate version of myself than a second-rate version of Mama.'''
** Liza Minnelli, as quoted in ''I Remember It Well'' (1975) by [[w:Vincente Minnelli|Vincente Minnelli]] with Hector Arce, [https://books.google.com/books?id=D6jDtmiJCpkC&amp;q=minnelli+%22second-rate%22+%22first-rate+version%22&amp;dq=minnelli+%22second-rate%22+%22first-rate+version%22&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0CCoQ6AEwBGoVChMI0on3sqjdxgIVxHg-Ch1NhwVD p. 395]; reprinted in [https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=CfpjAAAAIBAJ&amp;sjid=WuYDAAAAIBAJ&amp;pg=7188%2C5401411 &quot;Judy and Liza, Part 3&quot;] by Vincente Minnelli, in ''The Sydney Herald'' (August 15, 1975), p.&amp;nbsp;8
* I don't sing them because I couldn't sing them as well as she did. '''I'd rather be a first-rate version of myself than a second-rate version of anybody.'''
** Liza Minnelli, interviewed by [[w:Gene Shalit|Gene Shalit]] in the September 1977 issue of ''[[w:The Ladies Home Journal|The Ladies Home Journal]]'', as quoted in [https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=yXMjAAAAIBAJ&amp;sjid=a2cEAAAAIBAJ&amp;pg=5851%2C3647577 &quot;Women in the News,&quot;] in ''The Sarasota Herald-Tribune'' (August 24, 1977), p.&amp;nbsp;6-D
* I'm carrying on a tradition. '''But I'd rather be a first-rate version of myself than a second-rate version of somebody else.''' I'm proud of my parents, and the only way that I can prove it to them is to take what they gave me and work my head off.
** Liza Minnelli, as quoted in [https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=5_4xAAAAIBAJ&amp;sjid=zYYDAAAAIBAJ&amp;pg=5008%2C323912 &quot;The Return of Liza&quot;] by Wilmer Ames, in ''The Bend Bulletin Family Weekly'' (November 1, 1981), p.&amp;nbsp;8
* It really scared me to do what Mom did because I never did anything that she did. I promised her that I would never sing her songs, and I kept my promise. &quot;'''You sing them better than anybody. I don't want to be a second-rate example of you. I want to be a first-rate example of myself.'''&quot;
** Liza Minnelli, as quoted in [https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=rmRGAAAAIBAJ&amp;sjid=6ugMAAAAIBAJ&amp;pg=3577%2C2269544 &quot;Liza Minnelli 'Never Felt Better' Despite Tabloids' Whispers&quot;] by Douglas J. Rowe, in ''TV Plus: The Schenectady Sunday Gazette Supplement'' (June 9, 1996), p.&amp;nbsp;4
* My mother once told me '''never be a second-rate version of somebody else when you can be a first-rate version of yourself.'''
** &quot;[G]racefully handl[ing] audience demands for 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow,'&quot; as quoted in [https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=LQY1AAAAIBAJ&amp;sjid=QE8KAAAAIBAJ&amp;pg=3215%2C676019 &quot;Coy Minnelli wows spirited audience; UM announces MCA construction&quot;] by Alicia Amstead, in ''The Bangor Daily News'' (September 18, 2006), p. A10
*You don’t know how to handle anything today, because you have to go to jail to get some press or fall down drunk.
** [[October 26]], [[2007]]. The Washington Blade.
*They used to have clauses and contracts where you can't get bad publicity or you'd get fired. But now bad publicity is good publicity. I just keep working and don't think about it much.
** [[October 6]], [[2007]] St. Petersburg Times by Shannon Breen.
*If I give you romantic advice, don't take it. Look what's happening to me. I have the best taste in friends and the worst taste in husbands. I'm never getting married again. That's just stupid. There's no reason on Earth to do that.
** [[October 6]], [[2007]] St. Petersburg Times by Shannon Breen.ď
* Some people think reality must be constantly depressing, but I think reality is something you rise above.
** Interview with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]]. Quoted by [[w:Emanuel Levy|Emanuel Levy]] in ''Vincente Minnelli: Hollywood's Dark Dreamer'' (2009)[http://books.google.com/books?id=AxI9_F9MXxIC&amp;q=%22Some+people+think+reality+must+be+constantly+depressing%22+%22but+I+think+reality+is+something+you+rise+above%22&amp;pg=PA218#v=onepage]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
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    <title>Highlander: The Series</title>
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      <comment>/* Run for your Life [2.09] */</comment>
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'''''[[w:Highlander: The Series|Highlander: The Series]]''''' (1992–1998) was an English language fantasy/sci-fi television series featuring [[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]] ([[w:Adrian Paul|Adrian Paul]]), of the Scottish Clan MacLeod, as the Highlander of the title

== Season One ==
*Original narration, read by Adrian Paul: 
''I am Duncan MacLeod, born four hundred years ago in the Highlands of Scotland. I am Immortal and I am not alone. For centuries we've waited for the time of the Gathering, when the stroke of a sword and a fall of a head will release the power of the Quickening. In the end, there can be only one.'' 

*Second narration, for the second half of the First Season (also by Adrian Paul): 
''I was born four hundred years ago in the Highlands of Scotland. I am immortal and I am not alone. Now is the time of the Gathering, when the stroke of a sword will release the power of the Quickening. In the end, there can be only one.''

===Bad Day In Building A [1.07]===
:''(Duncan is telling a little girl a story in a compromised building.)''
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Once there was this place where the faerie-people lived.  It was a beautiful city in those days, surrounded by white walls, and tall stone towers...
:'''Little girl, Belinda''': What were they like?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, they were like regular people, except they lived for a very long time, and they never grew old.
:'''Belinda''': Like Peter Pan!
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, sort of.  Well, the fairies...were handsome, and wise, and very, very clever.  The problem was, as time went on, there were more and more people, and soon the faerie people had to leave this home in the faerie city.  They moved into the mountains, and into the old forests, and in the caves, and in the cliffs, but the other people always found these places, so the faerie people had to move on.
:'''Belinda''': That's sad.  Where do they live now?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, Belinda, they're all around us, and you know what their job is?  It's to protect children, and sometimes tell them stories.
:'''Belinda''': Have you ever met one?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, lots.

===The Sea Witch [1.09]===

:'''Duncan MacLeod''': You have not changed.
:'''Alexey Voshin''': No, did you expected me to?
:'''Duncan''': No, that's why I'm here.

----

:'''Melinda''': He's gonna be ok?
:'''Tessa''': I don't know.

----

:'''Tessa''': I'm going to think about both of you for a long time.

----

:'''Tessa''': Bad money put to good use.

----

:'''Tessa''': I'm going to think about both of you for a long time.

----

:'''Tessa''': I am going to miss you, Melinda, very very much. I'll always remember you.
:'''Melinda''': Promise?
:'''Tessa''': You see, I am going to save you right here. ''(in her heart)''

===See No Evil [1.11]===

:'''Randi McFarland''': ''(to Duncan)'' Surprise, surprise! Another weird murder attempt and you're right here in the middle of it.

----

:'''Randi''': Come on, MacLeod, you were here. Give me a quote.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Those who forget the past are condemned to relive it.

----

:''[She is crying]''
:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': I just keep seeing him in front of me as I ... ''(ran him over with a car)''
:'''Duncan''': You did what you had to.
:'''Tessa''': I thought ridding the world of evil would feel better than this.
:'''Duncan''': I know... I know.

===Eyewitness [1.12]===

:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': Whoa! Damn, check me out, I am one sharp dude!
:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': Even if you do say so yourself.
:'''Richie''': Hey, Tess, I'm just callin em as I see em.

----

:'''Tessa''': I stay with you because I want to! I won't run. I'm not that &quot;little woman&quot;, and I'll never be barefoot and pregnant! We all have things to face. This is mine. I have to see it through.

----

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Tessa, you're stronger than she was. If something happened to me, you'd be fine.
:'''Tessa''': You only think so because it suits you.

----

:'''Tessa''': Duncan, when the time comes, if you ever have to leave me, ''(Duncan groans)'' I won't be like Ann, I'll leave you first.
:'''Duncan''': You do that!
:'''Tessa''': Yeah?
:''[they kiss]''
:'''Duncan''': Yeah! And I'll follow you, wherever you go, for as long as you live.
:'''Tessa''': Mmmm... Then maybe, just maybe, I won't leave.

===Band of Brothers [1.13]===

:'''Grayson''': I shall hunt down your proteges, one by one, until you sicken of it and come out of sanctuary to fight me.
:'''Darius''': Will it please you that much to destroy me?
:'''Grayson''': Immensely. 

----

:'''Darius''': Grayson! You believed in me once.
:'''Grayson''': I didn't change, you did.

----

:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': So what makes this Grayson guy so different from the others?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': He's 1400 years older than I am. He's one of the few ancient Immortals left. He's been a warlord most of that time. You don't just go up to him with your sword and say &quot;Tsst, tsst, tsst! En garde, fool!&quot;.

----

:'''Duncan''': The legend has it that Darius killed a holy man at the gates of Paris, the oldest living Immortal at the time. And suddenly he changed. He turned his back on war.

----

:'''Richie''': Did Darius ever change you?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, I guess he did. I was born of a warrior people. When war came I chose sides like most men. I fought. I killed.

----

:''[Flashback to Waterloo, 1815]''
:'''Darius''': You shouldn't be taking part in this tragedy.
:'''Duncan''': I was raised a warrior. I choose battles I believe to be just.
:'''Darius''': Oh, I'm sure. You're quite loyal to your convictions and compatriots... But I wonder what these ''(dead)'' men think about that, about convictions and compatriotism now?

----

:''[Duncan's thoughts as he prepares for battle]'' 
: Hope doesn't conquer a superior adversary. So why do I hope to beat Grayson? Why do I think that a good life will protect me from an evil one? What power can I draw from this thing, this hope?

----

:'''Victor Paulus''': You've saved my life again. Why are you... who are you?
:'''Duncan''': I'm a friend of Darius.
:'''Victor''': You didn't learn this ''(fighting)'' from Darius.
:'''Duncan''': I wasn't much of a student.

----

:'''Darius''': I wasn't always a priest, you know. When I was a young man the first thing you had to do when introduced to a woman was compliment her father's horse. ''(Richie looks doubtful)'' Well, that probably doesn't help you.

----

:'''Duncan''': It's a good job, huh?
:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': Great job.
:'''Duncan''': Great. I like being kept.
:'''Tessa''': Kept?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, I mean, hang out on the barge, catch up on my reading, while you bring home the bacon.
:'''Tessa''': Barge, what barge?
:'''Duncan''': Oh I forgot to tell you about the barge. No self-respecting museum curator would live anywhere else.
:'''Tessa''': So I slave away all day while you sunbathe on a barge. Is that it?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, but just think of how ... rested I'll be. He he he...

===For Evil's Sake [1.14]===

:''[Flashback to about 1800]''
:'''Baron Deshields''': Absinthe?
:'''Kuyler''': From the Luchessi family. None better in the whole of France.
:'''Deshields''': No, thank you. Madness and death are not things to which I aspire.
:'''Kuyler''': Who wants to live forever?

----

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Do you have any, uh, any absinthe?
:'''storekeeper''': It is against the law to sell absinthe.
:'''Duncan''': ''(displays money)'' Well, uh, to connoissuers... ''(more money)'' true men of discretion... ''(more money)'' such things can be made unimportant.
:'''shopkeeper''': I wish I could help you.
:'''Duncan''': Me too... ''(more money)''
:'''shopkeeper''': Who sent you here?
:'''Duncan''': A friend whose tastes I share.

----

:'''Kuyler''': Incidentally, I owe you an apology. Anthony was very sloppy. I killed him for you.
:'''Duncan''': You're mad, Kuyler.
:'''Kuyler''': Maybe. Maybe I'm just trying to excel at what I do. Didn't you ever want to be the best at something?
:'''Duncan''': Murder means nothing to you?
:'''Kuyler''': On the contrary, it means everything.

----

:'''Kuyler''': Do you know how many Mortals I've killed over the years?
:'''Duncan''': I'm sure you do.
:'''Kuyler''': I've kept a book. 2760. Now I don't just think I'm bragging, but, I'm the greatest assassin in all of history. Of course, there have been men responsible for more deaths, but none of them killed so many, so close.
:'''Duncan''': I don't think there are going to be any more entries in your book.

===For Tomorrow We Die [1.15]===

:'''[[w:Darius (Highlander)|Darius]]''': Why are you here?
:'''[[w:Xavier St. Cloud|Xavier St. Cloud]]''': I've come to confess. Same as everyone else. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
:'''Darius''': I will not hear this.
:'''Xavier''': You are a priest, and I am a sinner. Isn't that how it goes? Or have you reinvented the position?
:'''Darius''': Why do this? It means nothing to you.
:'''Xavier''': Because it means everything to you.

----

:'''Dalou''': Parisians don't mind a little larceny now and then. If it's done with ingenuity, no one gets hurt.

----

:'''Inspector LeBrun''': If this man kills again because you're holding out on me, I will personally have your head.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Well I think your gonna have to wait in line.

----

:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': Mac, you ever had it bad for an older woman?
:'''Duncan''': Well, the situation hasn't come up recently.

----

:'''Xavier''': I'm just trying to earn a few francs. After all, a man's gotta live.
:'''Duncan''': Not necessarily.
:''[They fight]''

===Saving Grace [1.17]===

:'''[[w:Darius (Highlander)|Darius]]''': War in the abstract is a great intellectual puzzle, but in reality it's all blood and tears.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Then why make it into a game?
:'''Darius''': To deny what I was is to deny what I am.

----

:'''Grace Chandel''': God, I get so tired of it sometimes. We go on and everything around us dies.

----

:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': Do you still love her?
:'''Duncan''': No.
:'''Tessa''': That's all that needs to be said. She's your friend, and she's been hurt. You'll help her. I'd expect you to do no less.

----

:'''Grace''': The truth is, you and I were too different.
:'''Duncan''': Maybe if I'd stayed.
:'''Grace''': You would've been unhappy. So I let you go. My wandering knight, charging off to right all the wrongs of the world.

----

:''[At her husband's grave]''
:'''Grace''': You'd think I'd learn how to handle this, wouldn't you. The strange thing is, every time it happens I tell myself I won't go through it again. I swear to myself I won't fall in love with a mortal. As if love were something you had any control over. You and Mac have something good. I envy you.
:'''Tessa''': Grace, about you and Mac...
:'''Grace''': We had a moment, that was all. Though I wanted it to be more. Please don't hold it against me.
:'''Tessa''': It's funny, but I don't. It would take me several lifetimes to find out everything in Duncan's past. I know there have been others. But I never thought I would meet one of them. And here you are.

===The Lady and the Tiger [1.18]===

:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': You don't look like someone who would worry much about forgiveness.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': Tess, you do know that they all carry ''big'' swords with them. Just a thought.
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': You've always had a taste for beautiful and spirited women, Duncan.
:'''Tessa''': And modest. Don't forget modest.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Time to go. It's been thrilling.
:'''Amanda''': It's been 65 years. A girl might think you're trying to avoid her.
:'''Duncan''': Now how could you think that? Goodbye, Amanda.

----

:''[She sent him to prison, now he's escaped and has her helpless]''
:'''Zachary Blaine''': Do you know what I missed most... was the feeling of a good, old fashioned Quickening. SShhhh!!
:'''Amanda''': Wait!
:'''Zachary''': No, after what you did to me, you can't come up with a reason good enough.
:'''Amanda''': I can give you ten million reasons, in American dollars.
:'''Zachary''': Funny, you'd think that would be enough. ''(prepares to kill her)''
:'''Amanda''': I can give you the head of Duncan MacLeod!

----

:'''Amanda''': I gave up my life of crime, Duncan.
:'''Duncan''': That's what you said in Constantinople, 250 years ago.
:'''Amanda''': I succumbed to an impulse.
:'''Duncan''': I was nearly flayed alive when they came looking for you.
:'''Amanda''': But you got away. You always do.

----

:'''Tessa''': After all she's done to you, why do you care whether she's happy or not?
:'''Duncan''': I don't know, Tessa. She made me laugh when there weren't too many things to laugh about. Maybe that doesn't seem important, but those are the things I remember of her.
:'''Tessa''': She makes me feel like I have to compete with her. Maybe if I'd been a lady pirate or something....
:'''Duncan''': whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Richie, give us a moment, would you?
:'''Richie''': I was just leaving. ''[He leaves]''
:'''Duncan''': Hey, listen to me young lady, she's no competition. Hmmm?
:''[They kiss]''

----

:'''Zachary''': Why try to save her, MacLeod? She's betrayed you before.
:'''Duncan''': At least I'm smart enough to stay out of jail.
:''[They fight]''

== Season Two ==
*Third narration, read by actor [[w:Jim Byrnes|Jim Byrnes]]: 
''He is immortal, born in the Highlands of Scotland four hundred years ago. He is not alone. There are others like him, some good, some evil. For centuries he has battled the forces of Darkness, with Holy Ground his only refuge. He cannot die, unless you take his head and with it, his power. In the end there can be only one. He is Duncan MacLeod, the Highlander.''

===An Eye For an Eye [2.5]===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': She ''(Tessa)'' was part of our lives, Richie. Never pretend she wasn't.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': I don't! I keep waking up every morning...
:'''Duncan''': ...expecting her to be there. Get used to it, it won't be the last time it happens to you.
:'''Richie''': When does this start getting easier?
:'''Duncan''': It doesn't.

----

:'''Richie''': I keep waiting to feel different. Like someone's going to tell me how to be, what to do.
:'''Duncan''': What were you expecting, a set of instructions?

----

:''[Flashback to Ireland, 1920]''
:'''Annie Devlin''': Why don't you stay? It will be a beautiful war.
:'''Duncan''': War is never beautiful, Annie. Leave with me. This will never end.
:'''Annie''': It will when we win. Or when there's no one left alive to fight.

----

:''[Referring to his fight with Annie]''
:'''Richie''': I could have killed her, Mac. I mean, that's what I'm supposed to do, right?
:'''Duncan''': Sometimes.
:'''Richie''': I couldn't do it. I thought I could, but I couldn't. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this.
:'''Duncan''': You're still who you are, Richie. You don't change when you become Immortal, you just live longer. Hopefully.
:'''Richie''': Oh, boy, I'd say I got a lot to learn.
:'''Duncan''': You still have time.
:''[Duncan presents Richie with a sword]''
:'''Duncan''': Take good care of it. Live with it. Make it part of you. Might be the only friend you have.

===The Zone [2.6]===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': You know, there's a problem with thinking the strongest can take what they want.
:'''Caanan''': Yeah, what's that?
:'''Duncan''': There's always somebody stronger. 

===The Return of Amanda [2.7]===

:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': You know, you won't ''let'' me change. You really expect me to steal, don't you?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': I expect sharks to bite, too. Don't take it personally.

----

:'''Amanda''': I really do like you, Duncan. Let's just play house for 70 or 80 years.

----

:'''Duncan''': Who were those guys?
:'''Amanda''': I swear on my mother's grave...
:'''Duncan''': You don't have a mother.

----

:'''Amanda''': Why won't you believe me? I've never seen those guys before in my life.
:'''Duncan''': Funny, they seemed to know you.

----

:''[Amanda wants to know why Duncan is smiling]''
:'''Duncan''': Why can't I just smile? I'm happy, we're safe for now, I've just made love to the most devious, scheming, deceitful... beautiful woman in history.
:'''Amanda''': Do you really think I'm one of the most beautiful women in history?

----

:'''Amanda''': I told you, I'm not a thief any more.
:'''Duncan''': So you turned to counterfeiting instead?
:'''Amanda''': Well, I ran out of money, what else am I supposed to do?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, a job is out of the question.
:'''Amanda''': Would you get serious, MacLeod.

----

:'''Duncan''': Wait, wait, counterfeiting and honesty, they go well together, right?
:'''Amanda''': Don't be so picky, my heart was in the right place.

===Run for your Life [2.09]===
:'''Carl''': Maybe it's just time for old Carl to move on, man.
:'''Duncan''': And do what?
:'''Carl''': Hey, I'll get by. You just take care of yourself.
:'''Duncan''': You still don't get it, do you?! You are an immortal. You have something other people will never have: time, and the ability to make the difference. No, listen to me, man! Listen to me! You can do whatever you want, be whatever you want! You can live the dream. Most people grow old and die before they can do that.
---------
:'''Carter''': Hello, Carl. Nice to see you again.
:'''Carl''': ''[Stands up]'' What do you want?
:'''Carter''': I'm gonna kill you. Forever.
:'''Carl''': Wow, man. I don't even know you. ''[Carter walks closer to him]'' What was this all about? I didn't do nothing.
:'''Carter''': You live.
:'''Ken''': ''[Pointing a gun at Carter]'' Put it down, Carter.
:'''Carter''': Get outta here, kid.
:'''Ken''': Why?
:'''Carter''': Just get the hell outta here!
:'''Ken''': I can't. What's this all about?
:'''Carl''': ''(To Ken)'' He doesn't want any witnesses for the execution.
:'''Carter''': He's wanted for murder.
:'''Ken''': Who's murder? Huh? I checked him at Arizona.
:'''Carter''': You don't know what the hell these people are. ''[Duncan climbing the ladder]''
:'''Ken''': Shut them down.
:'''Carter''': He doesn't deserve to live.
''[Duncan continuing climbing the ladder]''
:'''Ken''': Please. Put it down.
:'''Carter''': You're over your head, Kenny. Trust me, you don't understand what's going on here.
:'''Ken''': I understand enough to know what attempted murder looks like. ''[Duncan climbs slowly to sneak]''
:'''Carter''': What? Are you gonna shoot me, rookie?
:'''Ken''': If I have to?
:'''Carter''': I don't think so. ''[Duncan shoves him and Ken shots him down to death from the dock to the water]''

===Under Color of Authority [2.12]===

:'''Mako''': I always thought that you were a man that respected the law.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': I like to see justice done.

----

:'''Duncan''': A man can't always live by the law.
:'''Mako''': A man cannot live any other way.

----

:'''Mako''': I have been a lawman for almost 600 years. Even before I was Immortal. I have seen cities burned, I have seen children slaughtered. Law is what separates us from the beast. When we leave it, we leave a hole with no bottom.

----

:'''Laura''': You don't exactly trust me, much, now do you?
:'''Duncan''': I don't know you.
:'''Laura''': So you don't believe me.
:'''Duncan''': No, I believe that you're frightened, and I believe that you're running from something. I'm just not sure what.

----

:'''Duncan''': When you're young and you care about someone, you think with your heart. You don't see clearly.
:'''Laura''': I don't know why you're so worried about Richie. I mean, you act like you're his father or something.
:'''Duncan''': I'm not his father, Laura, but he is like family to me.

----

:'''Mako''': I'm looking for a girl.
:'''Duncan''': Try working on your personality.

----

:'''Duncan''': Richie, where is this going from here? What happens if you are out on the road and a cop recognizes her? What are you going to do, kill him? How far is this going to go, Richie?
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': I don't know, Mac, I don't know! All I know is, I gotta help her, Mac. Mac, she needs me.

===Legacy [2.19]===

:[''John is mortal. Rebecca is not.'']
:'''John''': Promise me something. You will leave me before I get too old.
:'''Rebecca''': You are in a good mood today!
:'''John''': Well, I'm serious. Listen, Rebecca, you deserve a younger man.
:'''Rebecca''': I have a younger man. I have what I want.
:'''John''': There's two things...
:'''Rebecca''': John, you are the love of my life. You're the love of a dozen lifetimes. I don't care if you are 23, or 53, or 103. I am never going to leave you. Ever.

----

:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': MacLeod, do you ever wonder what it is like to die?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Every time.
:'''Amanda''': That's not what I meant.
:'''Duncan''': I know, you meant really die. Be gone forever.
:'''Amanda''': So you do think about it.
:'''Duncan''': Not for myself. Not any more. Whatever happens, happens.
:'''Amanda''': I don't know. The longer I live the more I get attached to myself.
:'''Duncan''': Sooner or later everyone dies. Even us.
:'''Amanda''': I don't mind the later, it's the sooner part I don't like.

----

:[''Flashback to 1635'']
:'''Amanda''': Why take a man's head when you can have his gold?
:'''Rebecca''': Amanda!
:'''Amanda''': What? You taught me to be clever.
:'''Rebecca''': I also taught you to be honest.
:'''Amanda''': Ah yes, I forget that part.

----

:'''Amanda''': Hmmmm. Breakfast in bed. You better watch it, MacLeod. They say this is how love starts.

----

:'''Duncan''': Was the crystal really worth Rebecca's life?
:'''Luther''': It's worth any amount of lives.
:'''Duncan''': Whoever has the crystal becomes invincible. Is that it?
:'''Luther''': So you know.
:'''Duncan''': It's a myth, Luther. A story told by bored people around campfires.

----

:'''Amanda''': You stuck your nose in without being asked, the least you could do is say you're sorry.
:'''Duncan''': What, for saving your life?
:'''Amanda''': Oh don't change the subject!

== Season Three ==
===The Samurai [3.1]===
:'''[[w:Charlie DeSalvo|Charlie DeSalvo]]''': You got a visitor.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': But I'm not even here yet. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Walk out that door and you won't know if this is the right place or not.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': I've gotta go to Japan.
:'''Charlie''': Japan?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, you know. Land of the Rising Sun. Hai!
:'''Charlie''': You just got back!
:'''Duncan''': That was Paris. It's a different continent.
:'''Charlie''': Very funny, MacLeod.
:'''Duncan''': I'll give you the air miles.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': How long have you been gone?
:'''Duncan''': Six months.
:'''Charlie''': Yeah right, so for six months, everything is quiet. I don't even get a hangnail. And all of a sudden you show up and I'm fighting to save my teeth.
:'''Duncan''': Don't thank me all at once, Charlie.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Sometimes it's not the body you have to protect... it's the spirit.

----

:[''Flashback to Japan, 1778'']
:'''Duncan''': But there must be some other way! We can get a boat and leave Japan...
:'''Hideo Koto''': I could no more run than I could fly. Koto is a noble Samurai name... a name I have been honored to borrow. To dishonor it for all who follow me would be unthinkable.

===Line of Fire [3.2]===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''':  Let me know when you've found the formula.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': The formula?
:'''Duncan''': For getting in shape without training.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

''[Richie believes he has a son]''
:'''Duncan''': Immortals can't have children.
:'''Richie''': Exactly Mac, this happened before I became an immortal.
:'''Duncan''': That's not the way it works.
:'''Richie''': Maybe I'm the first.
:'''Duncan''': I wish it could happen. But it's not in the cards. We don't get to live happily ever after. Children aren't part of our lives...it can't happen.
:'''Richie''': It just did.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Father Matthew''': Ah, Paris... The city of my youth. I was there in '72. What a summer. ''[remembering]'' All those women, all that wine... Of course, that was before I entered the priesthood.
:'''Duncan''' and '''Richie''': Of course. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Richie''': I didn't know if I'd find you alive. What the hell happened?
:'''Duncan''': I lived.
:'''Richie''': Very funny. And the other guy?
:'''Duncan''': He lived too. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

''[In Joe's bar]''
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': Hey MacLeod, what do you think? Is it me?
:'''Duncan''': The truth? I'd say it's a little out of character.
:'''Joe''': You know, I wasn't born in a museum. In fact, I'm kinda tired of hanging around old antiques like you. Look at me, I'm growing old.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Richie enters the dojo covered with grunge and tomatoes]''
:'''Duncan''': I think you need some oil and vinegar.
:'''Richie''': I'm lucky I didn't need a funeral.

===The Revolutionary [3.3]===
:'''[[w:Dr. Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]''': ''[to Paul Karros]'' You can be St. Francis of Assisi... and I still would not let you to turn my hospital into a zoo.''[to Reporters]'' Now ladies and gentlemen, it's a bit early for Happy Hour so please go!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Anne''': I said everybody.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Oh, you mean me?
:'''Anne''': Unless you're the one with the special dispensation from the Pope.
:'''Duncan''': Must've left it in my other pants.
:'''Anne''': We have a wonderful hearing specialist upstairs, you want a referral?
:'''Duncan''': Pardon?
:'''Anne''': Forget it. Get out, go!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Charlie DeSalvo|Charlie DeSalvo]]''': ''[to MacLeod]'' It's funny. This time I'm the one leaving with the girl, and you're stuck here running the dojo.


===The Cross of St. Antoine [3.4]===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Joe, I want you to meet Amanda. Amanda... Joe Dawson.  
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''' The Amanda..? You know, I've heard an awful lot about you.
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': I'll bet you have. I hear you're one of those guys who likes to watch. 
:'''Joe''': It's clinical. For history. We don't get involved.
:'''Amanda''': Well, tell me... Do you watch us do... everything? 
:'''Joe''': Only the things I can't get arrested for.
:'''Amanda''': ''[to MacLeod]'' I like this guy.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Amanda''': I've lived a long time, Joe. What goes around comes around. 
:'''Joe''': You really believe that's true?
:'''Amanda''': I believe it should be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': ''[to Thorne]'' Murdering a priest is an interesting way to find religion.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': I need you to help me break into the museum.
:'''Amanda''': You want me to WHAT?! I knew you were up to something. For three hundred years you've been telling me to go legit. Now that I'm straight, you want me to steal.
:'''Duncan''': You hate your job.
:'''Amanda''': That's not the point.
:'''Duncan''': In a good cause.
:'''Amanda''': Don't you look at me like that. No, I'm retired. You wouldn't ask an alcoholic to take a drink for a good cause.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Joe's taking a revolver from a drawer]''
:'''Duncan''': You can't kill him with that, Joe.
:'''Joe''': I know, but I can sure as hell slow him down until I can.
:'''Duncan''': You won't get close enough to use it. Let me do this... For both of us.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

[''Joe's bar, Dawson is up on the stage, singing the blues. Duncan and Amanda stand in the shadows, watching and listening'']
:'''Amanda''': Did you know he could do that?
:'''Duncan''': No. [''with irony''] You know, It's funny. The man knows more about me than anyone else alive, yet I hardly know anything about him..
:'''Amanda''': God, to sing like that...he must have had a helluva life.
:'''Duncan''': Probably...
:'''Amanda''': You want to ask him about it?
:'''Duncan''': No... when he's ready, he'll tell me.

===Rite of Passage [3.5]===
:'''Michelle Webster''': Whoa, hold up, time out! That was the morgue. I was in the morgue!
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Keep your voice down. 
:'''Michelle''': Why?
:'''Duncan''': Because we are sneaking out of here!
:'''Michelle''': No, I mean, why was I in there?
:'''Duncan''': Don't worry, you're not dead.
:'''Michelle''': Oh, gee, thanks. That explains it.

----

:'''Michelle''': You mean I'm never going to turn nineteen?
:'''Duncan''': But you might get to see a thousand.

----

:'''Michelle''': You do know I've always had a thing for you. Since the first time I laid eyes on you.
:'''Duncan''': You were eleven years old!
:'''Michelle''': I matured early.

----

:'''Michelle''': Oh, so is that what you guys do? Run around chopping each other's heads off?
:'''Duncan''': Until there's only one of us left alive.
:'''Michelle''': I don't think so.
:'''Duncan''': Michelle, I'm not your father and this isn't a fairy tale! Now you either learn the Game, or you die.

----

:'''Michelle''': You know, Duncan, you really have a gift for taking the fun out of eternal life.
:'''Duncan''': It'll get better.
:'''Michelle''': I sure hope so.
:'''Duncan''': No, I mean your... outlook.
:'''Michelle''': Oops. Almost slipped. You were gonna say &quot;attitude&quot;.
:'''Michelle''': You know what, Duncan? That is &quot;Dad speak&quot;. And you're pretty lousy at that too.

===Obsession [3.8]===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': This doesn't make any sense, Richie, he's supposed to be getting married.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': Not unless it's a shotgun wedding. I'm telling you, Mac, she didn't want anything to do with him.

----

:'''Richie''': Mac, you don't understand, one minute the guy was there, and the next, boom, he's trying to take my head. And he wasn't kidding around. I mean, that girl came in, and he just freaked. He totally lost it. Now what the hell is this all about?

----

:'''Jill''': We were happy. Everything seemed so perfect. Then one day I came home and he said &quot;Honey, come here, I have something to show you.&quot; And then he took a knife, and he .... ''[she can't say it]''
:'''Duncan''': Then he healed.
:'''Jill''': He said I had to know... and I wish he'd never told me.
:'''Duncan''': He loves you. He had to tell you.
:'''Jill''': Mr. MacLeod, I have a picture of how I want my life to be. Kids, grandkids... a family. It may sound stupid, but it's what I see.
:'''Richie''': So you called it off.
:'''Jill''': But he won't let me. And he won't leave me alone. He nearly beat a guy to death just for talking to me.

----

:'''[[w:Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]''': This is ridiculous. I'm calling the police.
:'''Duncan''': Anne, don't.
:'''Anne''': It is the only way, Duncan. You think talking is going to stop this guy? If you think that, spend a Saturday night in the emergency ward with me. These guys do not stop until someone's dead.

===Methos [3.16] ===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Joe? What's up? 
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': You've got trouble.
:'''Duncan''': How come you never call with good news? 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Come on, Joe. Methos doesn't exist.He's a legend... like Adam and Eve. The oldest Immortal. 
:'''Joe''': Oh, he exists all right. 
:'''Duncan''': Are you telling me you've seen him? 
:'''Joe''': Me? No. He's an elusive guy. Have to be, to live as long as he has. An Immortal so old he doesn't remember the time of his birth.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Five thousand years. 
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Yeah, give or take. And that was when I took my first head. Before that, it all starts to blur.
:'''Duncan''': I guess it would. So, after all this time, have You... ?
:'''Methos''': Made any sense of it all? Found any purpose? 
:'''Duncan''': You read minds, too?
:'''Methos''': No. It's what I'd ask if I'd just met me.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Duncan''': Somehow I thought you'd be...
:'''Methos''': Deeper? Wiser? Bearded? 
:'''Duncan''': I didn't really think you existed.
:'''Methos''': Ah, it's good to be a myth. 
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, no one hunts for a myth. Or a Watcher.
:'''Methos''': What better place to hide? I'm in charge of finding myself...and I make sure it never happens. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Methos''': You think I'd still be around if I was an easy mark? 
:'''Duncan''': When was the last time you faced anyone?
:'''Methos''': What are we? [''checking his watch''] Sixth of March, uh, two hundred years. Hey, I may be a bit rusty but I'm still here.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Methos''': You think I wanna die? Do you think it's easy after thousands of years?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Duncan''': So after five thousand years, your only solution is that I kill you?
:'''Methos''': He can beat me. He might beat you. He can't beat both of US.
:'''Duncan''': If it's that simple, why don't you take my head?
:'''Methos''': 'Cause it's not just a matter of who is the best fighter. It is about passion and hate. I don't have the fire. You do. You want Kalas. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Methos''': Live, Highlander. Grow stronger...fight another day.


===Take Back The Night [3.17]===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': You've killed two already. How much is enough?
:'''Ceirdwyn''': There were five of them.
:'''Duncan''': This isn't the answer.
:'''Ceirdwyn''': A body for a body. A head for a head. Since the dawn of time. It's no different now.
:'''Duncan''': Revenge does nothing, Ceirdwyn... nothing.

----

:[''Speaking to her husband's grave'']
:'''Ceirdwyn''': I did what I had to do... But you'd think, after all this time, I would have learned... Death is always death. And when someone's gone, nothing can bring them back. Not pain, not rage... not revenge.

----

:[''About her dead (mortal) husband'']
:'''Duncan''': You going to be OK?
:'''Ceirdywn''': No, not for a long time... I'm not going to forget him, you know? But it was worth it. For the fifteen years we had together, I'll trade fifteen years of pain. I'd trade a hundred!
:'''Duncan''': But what about the price they pay? No family, living in secrecy... waiting for the night you go out and you never come back. Maybe we're not supposed to be with them.
:'''Ceirdwyn''': They're not children, MacLeod. They make their own decisions. Steven knew what I was, and he chose to be with me.

===Testimony [3.18]===
:''[Anne examines a Scottish broadsword]''
:'''[[w:Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]''': You fought the battle of Culloden with this? That was in 1746.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': I know, it's hard to accept. I thought coming here might help. That was a gift from Bonnie Prince Charlie. I claimed it after he died.

----

:'''Anne''': It's like a fairy tale, with swords and people living forever.
:'''Duncan''': Not always.
:'''Anne''': That's right, the heads. Do you really have to do that?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah.

----

:'''Anne''': Duncan, I've seen death. And I'm not afraid of it. Whatever happens, I want us to be together.
:'''Duncan''': Your whole life will never be the same.
:'''Anne''': My whole life has not been the same since the day I met you. I tried it with you. I've tried it without you. I'll take it with you any day.

----

:'''Kristov''': I'll kill you in a second, boy. Leave while you've still got your head.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': There's only one thing I hate more than being called a &quot;boy&quot;. And that's your stupid paintings.
:''[They fight]''

----

:'''Richie''': I'd kiss you, but people might talk.
:'''Duncan''': They might.

----

:'''Anne''': So, is this the way it's always going to be?
:'''Duncan''': I don't know. I can't see into the future. Can you live with it?
:'''Anne''': I don't know. But I'd really like to try.

===Finale, Part One [3.21] ===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Amanda? 
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': Gotta hand it to you, MacLeod...You've got a memory like an elephant.
:'''Duncan''': Amanda, what are you doing here? Besides making a fashion statement.
:'''Amanda''': You like it?... I'm making you dinner...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Duncan''': Come on, Amanda, give. What do you really want?
:'''Amanda''': Just to make you happy.
:'''Duncan''': Why?
:'''Amanda''': So you won't kill me when I tell you what happened.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Duncan''': What the hell are you doing here?
:'''Amanda''': Came to hear some jazz.
:'''Duncan''': Jazz.
:'''Amanda''': You know, American music. Miles, Coltrane, Wynton...[''off his look''] Alright, I was looking for you. [''his look doesn't change''] Alright, I was looking for Kalas! You know you can really be irritating sometimes?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': That went well. What the hell were you thinking of?
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': I wasn't thinking, I was improvising.
:'''Joe''': By cutting yourself open? And it took you five thousand years to figure that out. 
:'''Methos''': You're disappointed in me, aren't you? Gimme a break. What were you expecting? Einstein? Freud? Buddha? 
:'''Joe''': Forget it. 
:'''Methos''': Sorry, Joe. I'm just a guy.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Amanda''': It's morning. I'm tired. It's hopeless. We'll never find him. Our only lead back to Kalas and you had to kill him.
:'''Duncan''': I told you, I didn't kill him. He fell.
:'''Amanda''': On his gun?
:'''Duncan''': Yes!
:'''Amanda''': And it went off just like that.
:'''Duncan''': Just like that.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Methos''': Well. Life as we know it is over.

===Finale, Part Two [3.22] ===
[''Looking down from the Eiffel Tower'']
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': Remember when Gustave Eiffel built this thing?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': World's Fair, 1889. Half the people thought it would ruin Paris forever. There were fist-fights all along the Champs Elysees. 
:'''Amanda''': Now you can't imagine Paris without it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

[''About going to see the editor of the Tribune'']
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': I've got a lot to offer. Five thousand years of history, Joe...I was there.
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': History's been written. People have been known to kill the messenger who waltzes in with a new version of the truth.
:'''Methos''': Why would I tell the truth?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
[''On the outer railing of the Eiffel Tower'']
:'''Amanda''': C'mon, MacLeod... Haven't you ever wanted to do something really crazy?
:'''Duncan''': Amanda, be careful. We don't fly.
:'''Amanda''': Have you ever tried? Relax. Whatever happens, I'll survive.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''[[w:Antonius Kalas|Kalas]]''': MacLeod. It seems you're always a day late and a dollar short. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
[''After Macleod lets Kalas go'']
:'''Amanda''': You should have killed him. You had him... I can't believe you let him go!
:'''Duncan''': It's not that simple, Amanda...
:'''Amanda''': I'll tell you what's simple. Dead is simple.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Methos''': I was in Rome once. 93 A.D., the Coliseum... I saw Christians facing the lions. Some of them looked almost happy to die for their faith.
:'''Duncan''': Your point? Or are you just strolling down Memory Lane here?
:'''Methos''': But afterwards, the only ones looking happy were the lions
:'''Duncan''': This isn't about faith.
:'''Methos''': No, it's about sacrifice. It's a helluva thing to be a martyr, MacLeod... And that's exactly what Kalas wants. He's pushing all your buttons.
:'''Duncan''': Well, I'm open to suggestions. Enlighten me.
:'''Methos''': Maybe Amanda's right. You fight your best fight.
:'''Duncan''': ''[sarcastic]'' What? Every man for himself and to hell with the rest?
:'''Methos''': So what if the world finds out? Life's about change. Civilizations rise and fall.
:'''Duncan''': This isn't about civilization, this is about people! Amanda, Dawson, Richie... Our world isn't an ant farm.
:'''Methos''': ''[with a touch of admiration and humor]'' The passion of youth.
:'''Duncan''': ''[with a sense of humor]'' Boys will be boys.
:'''Methos''': And every cloud has a silver lining. 
:'''Duncan''': What do you mean?
:'''Methos''': If you die, Amanda will be free to date.
:'''Duncan''': That's a comfort.

== Season Four ==
*Fourth and final version of the narration (also by Jim Byrnes): 
''He is Duncan MacLeod, the Highlander. Born in 1592 in the Highlands of Scotland and he is still alive. He is immortal. For four hundred years he's been a warrior, a lover, a wanderer, constantly facing other Immortals in a combat to the death. The winner takes his enemy's head and with it, his power. I'm a Watcher, part of the secret society of men and women who observe and record, but never interfere. We know the truth about Immortals. In the end there can be only one. May it be Duncan MacLeod, The Highlander.''

===Homeland [4.1] ===

:''[At his parents' graves]''
:'''Rachel MacLeod''': I'm Rachel MacLeod, and those are my ancestors you're standing on.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Well, mine too, I'm Duncan MacLeod.
:'''Rachel''': Another one. Let me guess, you're here to find you Highland roots.
:'''Duncan''': I didn't know I'd lost them.

----

:'''Rachel''': Och, if it isn't the clansman. What can I get you? Haggis? Maybe a kilt?
:'''Duncan''': An ale would do just fine. Are the people of Glenfinnan always this friendly?
:'''Rachel''': We're friendly enough, just careful of strangers.
:'''Duncan''': Really. And since when is a MacLeod a stranger in Glenfinnan?

----

:'''Duncan''': All this for an ax?!
:'''Kanwulf''': An ax? An ax made by the Gods, MacLeod. Used by Loki and Thor themselves.
:'''Duncan''': You can't still believe that.
:'''Kanwulf''': As much as they believe in their pale Christ.

----

:''[At night. Duncan takes his father's sword down from the wall]''
:'''Rachel''': He came back from the dead, claimed his father's sword, killed the Viking, and stopped the slaughter.
:'''Duncan''': That's the legend, Rachel.
:'''Rachel''': The bracelet. Now this. If I asked you to explain, would it make any sense?
:''[Duncan is silent]''
:'''Rachel''': Duncan MacLeod.... maybe some legends are true.
:'''Duncan''': Maybe.

----

:''[Rachel is waiting when he returns the sword]''
:'''Duncan''': It's over.
:'''Rachel''': I knew you'd be back. The legend. That seems to belong in your hand.
:'''Duncan''': No, it belongs in Glenfinnan. This is it's home.
:''[She kisses him]''
:'''Rachel''': Your's too, Duncan MacLeod.

===Reunion [4.6] ===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Anne, you all right?
:'''[[w:Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]''': Yeah, I'm fine.
:'''Duncan''': Is the baby OK?
:'''Anne''': Yeah, the baby's... learning to tap-dance I think.
:'''Duncan''': Somebody told me that there was an emergency.
:'''Anne''': Well, yeah, it's your cousin. ''(Duncan looks blank)'' The one from Wisconsin.
:'''Duncan''': Kenny's here?
:'''Anne''': Yeah, he's in the chapel. I was gonna call security, but I thought, what am I gonna tell them, I've got this kid who could live forever but he's only safe in churches?

----

:''[Duncan walks through a minefield]''
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': When you think of me, when you, you know, if you ever had to describe me to someone else, would you think of me as a nurturing person?
:'''Duncan''': ''(long pause)'' Definitely. Is that it?
:'''Amanda''': No! I want you to be honest, OK?
:'''Duncan''': How honest?
:'''Amanda''': Honest. I mean, tell me the truth, don't think about hurting my feelings.
:'''Duncan''': OK, then, no. Nurturing is not the first thing that comes to mind when I think of you.
:'''Amanda''': Oh, I don't think you know me very well.
:'''Duncan''': Amanda, you're beautiful, you're smart, and you're a lot of fun. Nurturing's in there... it's just not high on the list.
:'''Amanda''': Well, do you think that I would have made a good mother?
:'''Duncan''': Absolutely.
:'''Amanda''': Really? I mean, because I could take it if you don't think that, you know, I have it in me.
:'''Duncan''': You would have made a wonderful mother.
:'''Amanda''': Really?

----

:''[Amanda touches Anne's belly]''
:'''Amanda''': Wow... so what's it like?
:'''Anne''': Oh, like all the cliches. Carrying a watermelon, walking like a duck. And this is the easy part. The tough part comes when she gets here.
:'''Amanda''': Are you scared?
:'''Anne''': Terrified. You know, I'm a single mother, I work crazy shifts and weird hours. She's gonna need me, and the ER's gonna need me, and I haven't figured out how I'm going to make it all work yet.
:'''Amanda''': You know what? I think your going to do great.

===Chivalry [4.10] ===

:''[Flashback to 1659]''
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Hey, you, in the coach, you carry a sword, why don't you use it?
:'''Kristin Gilles''': I could use it now, but then I could not do this. ''(Kisses Duncan)''

----

:'''Duncan''': Immortality definitely has an upside. Think about it, in 400 years you might be racing starships instead of Harleys.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': You think things are going to change that much?
:'''Duncan''': Well, Richie, when I was a kid, the fastest way to travel was by horse, and if you wanted to fly, you had to be a bird.

----

:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': MacLeod-san, that katana is a lovely piece of art. May I? I washed my hands this morning.
:''[MacLeod hands it over]''
:'''Methos''': Ahhh! Quite a blade.
:''[Methos puts blade to Duncan's neck]'' 
:'''Duncan''': Not funny, Methos.
:'''Methos''': Not meant to be. Not only are you naive, now you are weaponless. How have you lived this long? Do you know how many Immortals she's killed? Want a list?
:'''Duncan''': All right, you've made your point.
:'''Methos''': Have I? One day she is going to kill you.
:'''Duncan''': She's tried already.
:'''Methos''': You're better with a blade than her, yes. You are stronger than her, yes. But if you keep letting her walk away, one day she gets lucky, and takes your head. Yes!
:'''Duncan''': Oh, I don't know, maybe she'll start to gloat like you. 
:''[Duncan knocks Methos down and escapes]''
:'''Duncan''': You wanna play?
:'''Methos''': Great, you knock me on my bum because I make a bad joke. Very macho. But you keep letting her walk away, without even taking a shot, that is very suicidal.
:'''Duncan''': You know what she was to me.
:'''Methos''': Yes, and I know what she is. A killer. You treat her like one.

----

:'''Methos''': A couple of medieval songwriters come up with the idea of chivalry one rainy day...
:'''Duncan''': This isn't about chivalry!
:'''Methos''': ...and you embrace it as a lifestyle. You live and die by a code of honor that was trendy when you were a kid.
:'''Duncan''': Would you rather that I had no code of honor at all?
:'''Methos''': I would rather you survived. You put that first.

----

:''[Duncan disarms Kristin but cannot kill her]''
:'''Methos''': Pick it up.
:'''Kristin''': Who the hell are you?
:'''Methos''': A man who was born long before the age of chivalry. Pick it up.
:''[They fight]''

===Timeless [4.11] ===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': You really are a spoiled brat.
:'''Claudia Jardine''': I was a spoiled brat when we first met, but now... I'm a genius.
:'''Duncan''': Silly me, I forgot. ''(hands her a glass)'' Here. It's not poisoned, although I'm tempted.
:'''Claudia''': You know, just because you think you own me doesn't mean you can tell me how to live my life.
:'''Duncan''': I don't think I own you.
:'''Claudia''': Oh yes you do. If you hadn't paid for Juilliard, the Paris Conservatory, I would probably be stuck in some crummy lounge in Las Vegas doing my one millionth rendition of Proud Mary.
:'''Duncan''': Is this a thank you I'm hearing?
:'''Claudia''': I thank you by being brilliant.
:'''Duncan''': She said modestly.

----

:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Excuse me, if I sat at a table, would you be my waitress?
:'''Alexa Bond''': ''(to Joe)'' Is he a good tipper?
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe Dawson]]''': No.
:'''Alexa''': Well. Too bad. Makes up for it in cute, though.
:'''Methos''': Cute. I can do cute.

----

:'''Methos''': I'm, uh, Adam Pierson.
:'''Alexa''': Where are you from?
:'''Methos''': Umm...
:'''Alexa''': Your accent. Your not from here.
:'''Methos''': No, I've traveled a lot.
:'''Alexa''': Really?!?! Paris?
:'''Methos''': Paris is too full of Parisians. Even the French don't like Paris.
:'''Alexa''': Venice?
:'''Methos''': Venice, the smell alone would kill you.
:'''Alexa''': A little young to be so cynical, aren't you?
:'''Methos''': Well, if you say so.
:'''Alexa''': I just did. ''(leaves)''
:'''Methos''': What did I say?
:'''Joe''': Ah, forget it, Alexa's not your type, OK?

----

:''[Discussing Claudia]''
:'''Methos''': How long have you known her?
:'''Duncan''': Since she was 14. She was living with a foster family. Pretty poor, and intimidated that they had a prodigy in their midst.
:'''Methos''': And does she know...
:'''Duncan''': That she's one of us? Doesn't have a clue.

----

:''[Walter has been trying to kill her]''
:'''Duncan''': You're completely insane!
:'''Walter''': It makes so much sense, MacLeod! Don't read something diabolical into it.
:'''Duncan''': Immortality is not a game of tag. You can't say &quot;you're it!&quot; or &quot;you're it!&quot;. It's not for us to decide when a mortal life is over.
:'''Walter''': But I must. If she doesn't die, now, at the pinnacle of her genius, it could be lost forever.
:'''Duncan''': You don't know that!
:'''Walter''': Ooh, Shakespeare. I found my purpose, MacLeod. Imagine, Claudia Jardine's talent living on through the ages... under my loving guidance.
:'''Duncan''': Walter, get a life!
:'''Walter''': Don't you see, she'll thank me. She will always be young, and beautiful, and passionate...
:'''Duncan''': ...and what happens when her fans see that she's not getting any older?

----

:'''Alexa''': Well... either you like to drink or you're crazy about the blues.
:'''Methos''': No, I was waiting for you... I see I leave you speechless, this is an excellent start.
:'''Alexa''': A start to what?
:'''Methos''': To... Dinner, a film, a concert, a smile, a sunset, a walk, all of the above, whatever you would like...
:'''Alexa''': Do women really fall for that line?
:'''Methos''': I have no idea, I've never used it before.
:'''Alexa''': .... Why do you want to go out with me?
:'''Methos''': Because the alternative is unthinkable.

----

:'''Alexa''': I'm dying. You see, don't you? We can't go out tomorrow.
:'''Methos''': Absolutely. We'd better make it tonight.

----

:'''Methos''': Where's Alexa? We have a date.
:'''Joe''': She called in sick.
:'''Methos''': Where does she live?
:'''Joe''': Adam, she doesn't want to see you, OK? Just leave her alone.
:'''Methos''': Joe, I didn't ask for your opinion. I know she's dying, OK. You are all dying. 20 years, 6 months, what's the difference?
:'''Joe''': She's protecting herself. She's protecting you, don't you get it?
:'''Methos''': Yes, I get it! Now tell me where she lives.

===Methuselah's Gift [4.16] ===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Amanda, you've lived for over a thousand years, how many times have you seen real magic?
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': MacLeod, I was an illiterate thief starving on the street before Rebecca found me and made me her student. This is all I have left of her. Magic or not, no-one's gonna take this from me!

----

:'''Duncan''': There is no way Methos sent those men, not a chance!
:'''Amanda''': Why not? It's perfect. It's wily, it's devious, it's... just like him.

----

:'''Duncan''': Why are you doing this? You've lived this long without it, why do you need it now?
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Alexa... she's in hospital in Geneva, she doesn't have long.
:'''Duncan''': You knew it had to be this way.
:'''Methos''': Yeah, from the first moment I saw her. Is, is that supposed to make it easier? Is that supposed to make it OK?

----

:'''Methos''': You understand nothing. Three weeks ago, we were standing on a beach on Santorini, watching the sun rise on the Mediterranean. Now she is lying in a hospital in Switzerland breathing through a tube! ... You think it takes courage to do what we do? Face another Immortal with a sword, knowing only one of you will live? You try being her! You try living one year, knowing that your time is running out. Knowing that when it comes to the final fight, however much you train, whatever tricks you have, you still lose! That's the way it is for them. So little time for them to see anything or do anything.

----

:'''Methos''': My flight back to Geneva leaves at 10. She'll never know how close I came.
:'''Duncan''': She'll know how much you love her.
:'''Methos''': As much as I can for as long as she lives.

===The Immortal Cimoli [4.17] ===

:''[At the circus]''
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': How can you not be excited, MacLeod? Just the smell of sawdust, popcorn and cotton candy. This makes me feel like a kid! Oh, isn't it exciting! I mean the sights, the sounds, the carnies!
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': The wonderful smell of wet fur. Low pay, rotten hours, sleeping in trucks.

----

:'''Danny Cimoli''': Sorry, no more autographs, I've got a monster headache.
:'''Duncan''': I don't want an autograph, and that's not a headache. We need to talk about who you are.
:'''Danny''': ''(laughs)'' Like the poster says, I'm The Immortal Cimoli!
:'''Duncan''': Ah, the Immortal Cimoli!
:'''Amanda''': He's got that part figured out.
:'''Duncan''': Listen to me. That headache that you got, all of us get it. It's how we know another one of us is around.
:'''Danny''': Ah... look, Mister, I don't know what you're talking about...
:'''Duncan''': ... you died recently, a robbery or an accident or something? But you didn't stay dead, did you?
:'''Danny''': How did you know?
:'''Duncan''': Because it happened to me. Four hundred years ago.
:'''Amanda''': We should talk.

----

:'''Danny''': Ever since the truck hit me, I've thought, this can't last, one day it's going to end, bang, I won't get up. But if it lasts forever, I can do any trick. Anything, and I wont die! I'll be bigger than Houdini.
:'''Duncan''': Sit down. Sit down! This isn't some trick for some magic act!

----

:''[They are in bed together]''
:'''Amanda''': MacLeod, you awake? What are you thinking about?
:'''Duncan''': Umm, Danny.
:'''Amanda''': Must be losing my touch.
:'''Duncan''': No, you're not losing your touch!
:''[They snuggle]''
:'''Duncan''': What are you thinking about?
:'''Amanda''': Moscow.
:'''Duncan''': I must be losing my touch.

----

:'''Danny''': The hell with the Rules, and the hell with the Game. I want out.
:'''Amanda''': Sorry, Danny, but that's not an option.

----

:'''Duncan''': Houdini was a friend of mine, and you, Danny, are no Houdini.

===Till Death [4.20] ===

:''[Flashback to 1696]''
:'''Robert''': Well, well, well, what have we here, mice in the parlor. And Immortal mice at that.
:'''[[w:Hugh Fitzcairn|Hugh Fitzcairn]]''': I told you there was another way in. Didn't I tell you?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Be quiet! I'd be careful who I called a mouse, especially if I was a rat.
:'''Robert''': ''(gazing at Gina)'' If you're a thief, I've never seen a comlier one.
:'''Duncan''': You're the thief, we're just protecting her assets.
:'''Robert''': And they are wonderful assets.
:'''Fitzcairn''': If you please sir! A gentleman does not address a lady in that manner! I'll have his head!
:'''Duncan''': Ah, don't be ridiculous. You being dead would probably put her off her appetite.

----

:''[Flashback to 1696]''
:'''Fitzcairn''': La-la, la-la-la-la-la!
:'''Duncan''': You know, when I heard that voice I said to myself, &quot;That must be Fitzcairn - either that or a dog in heat.&quot;

----

:''[At Robert and Gina's wedding (1696)]''
:'''Fitzcairn''': You realize, none of this would have happened if she had come to the opera with me that night.
:'''Duncan''': No, she would have seen you for the raving lunatic you are and she would have been with me.
:'''Fitzcairn''': I should have asked her to marry me while I still had the chance.
:'''Duncan''': You, married? You couldn't stay faithful to a woman for what, more than one hour?
:'''Fitzcairn''': Well I would have given it a fair try.

----

:'''Gina''': Maybe we are not meant to spend three centuries together. I mean, who mates for life? Swans? Geese? Lobster?

----

:'''Duncan''': Don't you want to see Robert and Gina live happily ever after?
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Yeah, but I want to see me live happily ever after even more.

----

:'''Methos''': I knew it, I knew it! Getting between a married couple. It's a rule I haven't broken for two thousand years. I knew this would happen.
:'''Duncan''': She'll cool off, I'm just telling you to be careful, that's all.
:'''Methos''': Great, so I lose my head after five thousand years so that you can play marriage guidance counselor. I must have been out of my mind!

== Season Five ==
===Prophecy [5.1] ===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': Honey, I'm home. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': So how did you find me? Witchcraft?
:'''[[w:Cassandra (Highlander)|Cassandra ]]''': Why bother? It's the twentieth century. I used a detective agency.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Like you said, this is the twentieth century. I left prophecies behind with the witches and the fairies.
:'''Cassandra ''': Duncan, listen to me. The prophecy tells of a Highland foundling born on the winter solstice who passes through darkness into light and survives to challenge the voice of death.
:'''Duncan''': Really? Is this before or after I slay the dragon?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Roland Kantos arrives, points his sword at Duncan]''
:'''Duncan''': I guess he doesn't like me.
:'''Cassandra ''': We've got to leave, now! ''[Duncan starts walking towards Roland]'' What are you doing?
:'''Duncan''': I guess asking him to dance is out of the question.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roland''': The signs for the prophecy are all in place. You're all that stands in my way. Or don't you believe in signs?
:'''Duncan''': Oh no I believe in signs. Don't litter, don't step on the grass, no spitting.
:'''Roland''': I prefer rest in peace.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Power or no power, this is holy ground, he can't harm us here.
:'''Cassandra ''': And none of us can avoid our fate. &quot;An evil one will come to vanquish all before him. Only a Highland child, born on the winter solstice, who has seen both darkness and light, can stop him. A child and a man.&quot;
:'''Duncan''': We make our own destinies. Nothing is written.


===The End of Innocence [5.2] ===
''[To Joe]''
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': I'm an Immortal, you're a Watcher. We can't cross that line. How many times do we have to be taught that?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': That's the way it is, isn't it? -- get them before they get you. I've been practicing. Next time you pull a sword on me, it won't be so easy.
:'''Duncan''': Richie, I'd like to take back what happened, but I can't. But what you're doing is wrong and you know that, don't you?
:'''Richie''': Thanks for the tip. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': I know who I am. I've been a Watcher for more than twenty-five years. It's as much a part of me as your clan MacLeod is to you. 
:'''Duncan''': Then for once, keep your vow. Don't interfere.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': What good is philosophy in a fight?
:'''Graham Ashe''': We fight to stay alive -- don't forget to live. Imagine what you can see in a thousand years. Imagine what you can do. It's all there for us, Duncan, because we are blessed. Blessed beyond reason with the gift of eternal life. And every year brings something new -- a new vintage, a new fighting move... or a new pattern of flowers on an Italian hillside. Open your eyes and see it. Cherish it

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Richie''': Look Mac, if the bail comes with a lecture I'd just as soon wait it out in a cell. 
:'''Duncan''': The guy who's after you. Haresh Clay. 
:'''Richie''': What about him? 
:'''Duncan''': I've met him once before.
:'''Richie''': Then how come you're both still alive?
 &lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': You're out of the Watchers?
:'''Joe''': Maybe it's too late... or maybe it's about time. Like Mrs. Wischnoff used to say in my old neighbourhood -- Meit ein tuchas can Meir nisht danzen a tsvai hossannas.
:'''Duncan''': Yeah - With one ass, a man can't dance at two weddings.
:'''Joe''': You know you were right. I couldn't be both your Watcher and your friend.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': For thousands of years Immortals have fought and Watchers have observed. One day, there will only be one of us left. And some day maybe none at all. Somebody has to record that we've lived. Somebody has to record the history we've seen and the lessons we've learned.


===Manhunt [5.3] ===
:'''Detective Frayne''': You're the serial killer guy?
:'''Matthew McCormick''': Among other things. The &quot;serial killer guy&quot; will do.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Matthew McCormick''': ''[referring to a slinky]'' You know what I like about these? If you had enough stairs, they'd just go on forever.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': Unless they're stopped.
:'''Matthew McCormick''': Kinda like us.
:'''Duncan''': No, just like us. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Carl Robinson (Highlander)|Carl]]''': It's freezin' in there.
:'''Duncan''': Well yeah, It's the morgue. At least you're still fresh.
:'''Carl''': You know, you're real funny, MacLeod. Hey, who picked out these clothes anyway? Your mother?
:'''Duncan''': ''[to Matthew]'' You should have killed him.

===The Valkyrie [5.10] ===

:'''Inspector Breslaw''': Are you a writer of fiction, Mr. MacLeod? ''(No)'' ... That's a shame. Possessed of such an imagination, it seems a shame to squander your talents on my humble self.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': If I could help you, Inspector, I would.
:'''Breslaw''': Would you? Let's review, shall we? You just happen to be here when they are setting up for the Wilkinson speech.
:'''Duncan''': No, I was here the day before for a boxing match, and I was...
:'''Breslaw''': ...A woman you have never seen before has a gun. You take the gun away from her. Then she screams you have a gun, and runs away leaving you holding the weapon. Do I understand correctly so far?
:'''Duncan''': I know how it sounds...

----

:'''Duncan''': So what Breslaw was saying about the murders was true?
:'''Ingrid''': They weren't murders. They were assassinations. There's a difference.
:'''Duncan''': The end result is the same.
:'''Ingrid''': Yes, but some people deserve to die. That's the difference.

----

:'''Duncan''': You mind telling me what you find funny about this?
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Not exactly funny, but pretty entertaining, yeah.
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe Dawson]]''': Just what is so entertaining?
:'''Methos''': MacLeod tussling with another of his moral dilemmas.
:'''Duncan''': You know there are times I really don't like you.
:'''Methos''': That's OK, sometimes I don't like myself.
:'''Joe''': I see. Ingrid Henning.
:'''Methos''': Hey, ask Joe about her.
:'''Duncan''': I don't have to ask Joe about her. I know about her. She failed to kill Hitler in '44 and she's been making up for it ever since.

----

:'''Methos''': It is the ultimate in arrogance to think that one person can alter the course of history.
:'''Duncan''': You can't deny that by killing Hitler in '44, thousands of lives would have been saved, maybe millions.
:'''Methos''': Yeah, and if you'd killed him in '43 like Rommel wanted, maybe Germany would have won the war. ... History makes men, MacLeod, men don't make history.

----

:'''Breslaw''': What is she to you? A lover? A relation, perhaps? Or just an old friend? Old friends are the worst. They claim more of your soul.
:'''Duncan''': I don't agree with what Ingrid's done.
:'''Breslaw''': But part of you understands it, yes?

----

:'''Breslaw''': Your lawyer is here, and since I'm not going to charge you, goodbye.
:'''Duncan''': My lawyer? This I've got to see.
:'''Methos''': Officers... Well, that worked pretty well.
:'''Duncan''': Since when are you my attorney?
:'''Methos''': Whatever you need. Lawyer, doctor, Indian chief, I've got paperwork to cover it all.

----

:''[He shot Ingrid. They are getting drunk.]''
:'''Breslaw''': Never gets any easier ... the killing I mean.
:'''Duncan''': Maybe it's not supposed to.
:'''Breslaw''': Maybe if I die a little tonight ... it will even things out between me and God.
:'''Duncan''': I hear Wilkinson's speech is back on for tomorrow night.
:'''Breslaw''': This time he is on his own. When I was a little boy everything was black and white, good and evil, you see. Then I grew up and discovered that there was only gray. I'm sorry I had to kill your friend.
:'''Duncan''': The Ingrid I knew I'll never forget. But the one you killed, I don't even know who she was. You did what you had to do.
:'''Breslaw''': But was I right? If this fascist scum Wilkinson becomes your President in the next 5 or 10 years, how am I going to sleep at night?
:'''Duncan''': I would have made the same choice.

----

:'''Duncan''': Ingrid asked me something before she died.
:'''Methos''': They usually do.
:'''Duncan''': She said, what was the difference between her killing them and me killing her.
:'''Methos''': Good question, right up there with chicken and egg.
:'''Duncan''': So what you're saying is there is no answer?
:'''Methos''': No, there is an answer. But the real question is whether you're ready for it. ''(Duncan nods)'' Stephanovitch killed, and Ingrid judged him. Wilkinson killed, and Ingrid judged him. Ingrid killed, and you judged her.
:'''Duncan''': So who judges me?
:'''Methos''': ''(long pause)'' You hungry?

== Season Six ==
===Avatar [6.1] ===
''[At Richie's grave. The headstone reads RICHIE RYAN -- 22 YEARS -- FRIEND]''
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': I guess it's just you and me Richie. I can't believe it's been a year already. I wish I could tell you why this happened. That it all makes sense now...But I can't. I'm sorry. 
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': He knows why. 
:'''Joe''': Well, welcome back.
:'''Duncan''': I'm glad you stayed in Paris.
:'''Joe''': Somebody had to. ''[pause]'' I buried him with his sword. I didn't know what else to put on the headstone... It seemed right.
:'''Duncan''': 'Friend' is good. Because that's what he was.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Duncan''': When Richie died, I wanted to die. But I realized that if his death was to mean anything, I had to survive... I had to understand what happened. I had to believe what happened. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Joe''': But how to we beat something with the power of life and death?
:'''Duncan''': Because we have to, Joe. Because there is no one else.
:'''Joe''': What the hell.
:'''Duncan''': Exactly.

===Armageddon [6.2] ===
''[Ahriman disguised as Horton; referring to a snake]''
:'''[[w:James Horton|Horton]]''': Somewhat theatrical, I agree. A thousand years ago it would have been enough to have caused a panic in the streets.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': What do you want?
:'''Horton''': But this is the scientific age. People don't believe in demons and devils anymore. And maybe that's my best trick yet. ''[on laptop screen]'' All that technology...So much useless information... It's almost a sin to want to know so much.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Duncan''': We went back to the archives. The symbol turned up in the writings of an ancient German mystic. To him it was a force of hate that could only be defeated by love.
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': Fine for Gandhi. But what about us? What else did he say?
:'''Duncan''': Nothing. Seems he died before he could finish his memoirs.
:'''Joe''': That's great. So what do we do, sit and contemplate our navels while the world goes to hell?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Game's over. Your time is up.
:'''Ahriman''': No gun. No sword. How are you going to fight me? Are you going to huff and puff and blow my house down?
:'''Duncan''': I become one with everything. I become one with you. 
:'''Ahriman''': Too bad you didn't think of that before you killed Richie.
:'''Duncan''': I become everything. Therefore I become nothing.
:'''Ahriman''': C'mon, be a man. I dare you!
:'''Duncan''': Therefore you are nothing. Without my anger, you have no substance. Without my pride, you have no form. Without my hate... you - have - no - being.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Evil exist in all of us, Joe. When we deny that, we give evil power. Ahriman said it himself. His greatest trick was to convince the world he didn't exist. But, he does, he exists in all of us. Once I accepted that, I was able to defeat him.


===Sins of the Father [6.3] ===
:'''Alex Raven''': MacLeod, you're like a bad penny.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alex Raven''': We've gotta stop meeting like this.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': Then you've gotta stop trying to blow up my friends.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': So there is no Russian Mafia.
:'''Grant''': Sure there is...somewhere.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': We rewrite our history all the time because we have to. We rationalize our cruelty. So we can look in the mirror and face ourselves.

===Two of Hearts [6.10] ===

:'''Kate''': Have you ever heard of the Kama Sutra?
:'''Nick''': Yeah, you read it?
:'''Kate''': Read it? I modeled for the drawings.

----

:'''Nick''': Who is he?
:'''Kate''': You don't need to know.
:'''Nick''': Who is he, Kate?
:'''Kate''': His name is Bartholemew.
:'''Nick''': Wait, let me guess. You've been searching for him for a zillion years and now that you've found him, your gonna have to kill him. How am I doing here?
:'''Kate''': Don't do that.
:'''Nick''': What?
:'''Kate''': Piss on something you don't understand.

----

:'''Nick''': I say we get a line on the money first.
:'''Kate''': No, I don't want his money, I want his head.
:'''Nick''': That's very big of you. I wonder if that's what the kids want. You know, the one's he stealing from.
:'''Kate''': I hate you.
:'''Nick''': That money could feed a lot of babies. But, if you want to kill him, kill him.
:'''Kate''': I really hate you.

----

:'''Kate''': Look, I'm sorry I'm Immortal, Nick, there's nothing I can do about it.
:'''Nick''': Now you're getting irrational.
:'''Kate''': Tell me it doesn't drive you crazy, that I can't die and you can.
:'''Nick''': I don't believe this! I mean, first you lie to me, and then when things don't work out you lay this on me.
:'''Kate''': Look, you knew what I was when we met. You know the Game, you know the Rules.
:'''Nick''': And you know me, Kate. Am I the type of guy whose going to sit on his ass and let you walk off and maybe get whacked? Tell me Kate, is that who you ever thought I was?
:'''Kate''': No.
:'''Nick''': How the hell did we happen?
:'''Kate''': I didn't know we were going to happen. I didn't know I was going to fall in love with you. Nick, the part of my life that has to do with being Immortal has nothing to do with you. It can't.
:'''Nick''': Katherine, I'm either in your life, all of it, or I'm gone.

===Patient Number 7 [6.5] ===

:'''Kyra''': Why should I trust you? Give me a reason, give me one good reason.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': Because there is no one else.

----

:''[Flashback to 1640, a tavern]''
:'''Gaston''': You've forgotten what it's like to be a woman. I think you need a real man to remind you.
:'''Kyra''': What men? All I see are a pair of miserable toads who work for the bastard Richelieu.
:'''Gaston''': Cardinal Richelieu does the work of God!
:'''Kyra''': Somehow I doubt God spends much of his time in the sewers of France. Tell me, is it true Richelieu has syphilis? Because if so, that's quite an accomplishment for a eunuch. Well, maybe he's not a eunuch, but you know, I hear it's, um... ''(points to the end of her little finger)''
:''[They fight. She wins.]''

----

:''[Flashback to 1640, an inn]''
:''[They are sharing a bed, under strictly honorable circumstances]''
:'''Kyra''': I've never met a Scotsman before. Tell me, are they well armed?
:'''Duncan''': Ah-hem. What exactly do you mean?
:'''Kyra''': I mean their swords, of course. What did you think I meant?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, well, your French toad stabbers, they're fine for some, but they're kind of puny.
:'''Kyra''': You think them small?
:'''Duncan''': Och! They're hardly worth your while. Now a Scotsman's weapon, that's another matter. Once it gets going there's nothing that can stop it.
:'''Kyra''': Really?
:'''Duncan''': Aye. Two hands to hold the thing. I doubt you could even hold it.
:'''Kyra''': Surely you exaggerate.
:'''Duncan''': No, not a wee bit. Come to Scotland and I'll show you.
:'''Kyra''': Scotland?
:'''Duncan''': You dinna think I could bring it in here did you? I mean the bloody thing wouldn't fit through the door.
:'''Kyra''': Oh. Oh, you mean your sword.
:'''Duncan''': A claymore, of course. What did you think I meant?

----

:''[Taunting a bad guy]''
:'''Kyra''': Looking for me? Mine's a .44. Modified. Go right through you. Probably kill your partner too.... Of course, I'm only a girl. Might lose my nerve. Might even miss. ''(BANG)'' But not this time.

----

:'''Duncan''': After the trial, the chief judge was murdered. Albright...
:'''Kyra''': Richard. Richard was his name. Did you ever meet someone truly good, MacLeod? Someone who didn't want money, or power, or, or glory? Somebody beyond temptation and corruption?
:'''Duncan''': You were his bodyguard.
:'''Kyra''': I did a hell of a job, didn't I?
:'''Duncan''': And there's more?
:'''Kyra''': That's how it started. God, I loved him. Richard believed, MacLeod, believed like, like nobody I've ever met before. Justice, compassion. They were his Gods. Being with him was like being inside a warm, bright light. For 10 years, MacLeod. I wanted it never to stop. And then somebody stopped it. Do you know what that feels like?

==Cast==
*[[w:Adrian Paul|Adrian Paul]] — [[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]
*[[w:Stan Kirsch|Stan Kirsch]] — [[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie Ryan]] 
*[[w:Elizabeth Gracen|Elizabeth Gracen]] — [[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]] 
*[[w:Jim Byrnes (actor)|Jim Byrnes]] — [[w:Joe Dawson|Joe Dawson]] 
*[[w:Peter Wingfield|Peter Wingfield]] — [[w:Methos|Methos]] 
*[[w:Phillip Akin|Phillip Akin]] — [[w:Charlie DeSalvo|Charlie DeSalvo]]
*[[w:Lisa Howard|Lisa Howard]] — [[w:Dr. Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Highlander: The Series}}
*{{imdb title|id=0103442|title=Highlander}}


[[Category:Canadian science fiction TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:French TV shows]]
[[Category:Fantasy TV shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Highlander: The Series|Highlander: The Series]]''''' (1992–1998) was an English language fantasy/sci-fi television series featuring [[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]] ([[w:Adrian Paul|Adrian Paul]]), of the Scottish Clan MacLeod, as the Highlander of the title

== Season One ==
*Original narration, read by Adrian Paul: 
''I am Duncan MacLeod, born four hundred years ago in the Highlands of Scotland. I am Immortal and I am not alone. For centuries we've waited for the time of the Gathering, when the stroke of a sword and a fall of a head will release the power of the Quickening. In the end, there can be only one.'' 

*Second narration, for the second half of the First Season (also by Adrian Paul): 
''I was born four hundred years ago in the Highlands of Scotland. I am immortal and I am not alone. Now is the time of the Gathering, when the stroke of a sword will release the power of the Quickening. In the end, there can be only one.''

===Bad Day In Building A [1.07]===
:''(Duncan is telling a little girl a story in a compromised building.)''
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Once there was this place where the faerie-people lived.  It was a beautiful city in those days, surrounded by white walls, and tall stone towers...
:'''Little girl, Belinda''': What were they like?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, they were like regular people, except they lived for a very long time, and they never grew old.
:'''Belinda''': Like Peter Pan!
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, sort of.  Well, the fairies...were handsome, and wise, and very, very clever.  The problem was, as time went on, there were more and more people, and soon the faerie people had to leave this home in the faerie city.  They moved into the mountains, and into the old forests, and in the caves, and in the cliffs, but the other people always found these places, so the faerie people had to move on.
:'''Belinda''': That's sad.  Where do they live now?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, Belinda, they're all around us, and you know what their job is?  It's to protect children, and sometimes tell them stories.
:'''Belinda''': Have you ever met one?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, lots.

===The Sea Witch [1.09]===

:'''Duncan MacLeod''': You have not changed.
:'''Alexey Voshin''': No, did you expected me to?
:'''Duncan''': No, that's why I'm here.

----

:'''Melinda''': He's gonna be ok?
:'''Tessa''': I don't know.

----

:'''Tessa''': I'm going to think about both of you for a long time.

----

:'''Tessa''': Bad money put to good use.

----

:'''Tessa''': I'm going to think about both of you for a long time.

----

:'''Tessa''': I am going to miss you, Melinda, very very much. I'll always remember you.
:'''Melinda''': Promise?
:'''Tessa''': You see, I am going to save you right here. ''(in her heart)''

===See No Evil [1.11]===

:'''Randi McFarland''': ''(to Duncan)'' Surprise, surprise! Another weird murder attempt and you're right here in the middle of it.

----

:'''Randi''': Come on, MacLeod, you were here. Give me a quote.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Those who forget the past are condemned to relive it.

----

:''[She is crying]''
:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': I just keep seeing him in front of me as I ... ''(ran him over with a car)''
:'''Duncan''': You did what you had to.
:'''Tessa''': I thought ridding the world of evil would feel better than this.
:'''Duncan''': I know... I know.

===Eyewitness [1.12]===

:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': Whoa! Damn, check me out, I am one sharp dude!
:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': Even if you do say so yourself.
:'''Richie''': Hey, Tess, I'm just callin em as I see em.

----

:'''Tessa''': I stay with you because I want to! I won't run. I'm not that &quot;little woman&quot;, and I'll never be barefoot and pregnant! We all have things to face. This is mine. I have to see it through.

----

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Tessa, you're stronger than she was. If something happened to me, you'd be fine.
:'''Tessa''': You only think so because it suits you.

----

:'''Tessa''': Duncan, when the time comes, if you ever have to leave me, ''(Duncan groans)'' I won't be like Ann, I'll leave you first.
:'''Duncan''': You do that!
:'''Tessa''': Yeah?
:''[they kiss]''
:'''Duncan''': Yeah! And I'll follow you, wherever you go, for as long as you live.
:'''Tessa''': Mmmm... Then maybe, just maybe, I won't leave.

===Band of Brothers [1.13]===

:'''Grayson''': I shall hunt down your proteges, one by one, until you sicken of it and come out of sanctuary to fight me.
:'''Darius''': Will it please you that much to destroy me?
:'''Grayson''': Immensely. 

----

:'''Darius''': Grayson! You believed in me once.
:'''Grayson''': I didn't change, you did.

----

:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': So what makes this Grayson guy so different from the others?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': He's 1400 years older than I am. He's one of the few ancient Immortals left. He's been a warlord most of that time. You don't just go up to him with your sword and say &quot;Tsst, tsst, tsst! En garde, fool!&quot;.

----

:'''Duncan''': The legend has it that Darius killed a holy man at the gates of Paris, the oldest living Immortal at the time. And suddenly he changed. He turned his back on war.

----

:'''Richie''': Did Darius ever change you?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, I guess he did. I was born of a warrior people. When war came I chose sides like most men. I fought. I killed.

----

:''[Flashback to Waterloo, 1815]''
:'''Darius''': You shouldn't be taking part in this tragedy.
:'''Duncan''': I was raised a warrior. I choose battles I believe to be just.
:'''Darius''': Oh, I'm sure. You're quite loyal to your convictions and compatriots... But I wonder what these ''(dead)'' men think about that, about convictions and compatriotism now?

----

:''[Duncan's thoughts as he prepares for battle]'' 
: Hope doesn't conquer a superior adversary. So why do I hope to beat Grayson? Why do I think that a good life will protect me from an evil one? What power can I draw from this thing, this hope?

----

:'''Victor Paulus''': You've saved my life again. Why are you... who are you?
:'''Duncan''': I'm a friend of Darius.
:'''Victor''': You didn't learn this ''(fighting)'' from Darius.
:'''Duncan''': I wasn't much of a student.

----

:'''Darius''': I wasn't always a priest, you know. When I was a young man the first thing you had to do when introduced to a woman was compliment her father's horse. ''(Richie looks doubtful)'' Well, that probably doesn't help you.

----

:'''Duncan''': It's a good job, huh?
:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': Great job.
:'''Duncan''': Great. I like being kept.
:'''Tessa''': Kept?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, I mean, hang out on the barge, catch up on my reading, while you bring home the bacon.
:'''Tessa''': Barge, what barge?
:'''Duncan''': Oh I forgot to tell you about the barge. No self-respecting museum curator would live anywhere else.
:'''Tessa''': So I slave away all day while you sunbathe on a barge. Is that it?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, but just think of how ... rested I'll be. He he he...

===For Evil's Sake [1.14]===

:''[Flashback to about 1800]''
:'''Baron Deshields''': Absinthe?
:'''Kuyler''': From the Luchessi family. None better in the whole of France.
:'''Deshields''': No, thank you. Madness and death are not things to which I aspire.
:'''Kuyler''': Who wants to live forever?

----

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Do you have any, uh, any absinthe?
:'''storekeeper''': It is against the law to sell absinthe.
:'''Duncan''': ''(displays money)'' Well, uh, to connoissuers... ''(more money)'' true men of discretion... ''(more money)'' such things can be made unimportant.
:'''shopkeeper''': I wish I could help you.
:'''Duncan''': Me too... ''(more money)''
:'''shopkeeper''': Who sent you here?
:'''Duncan''': A friend whose tastes I share.

----

:'''Kuyler''': Incidentally, I owe you an apology. Anthony was very sloppy. I killed him for you.
:'''Duncan''': You're mad, Kuyler.
:'''Kuyler''': Maybe. Maybe I'm just trying to excel at what I do. Didn't you ever want to be the best at something?
:'''Duncan''': Murder means nothing to you?
:'''Kuyler''': On the contrary, it means everything.

----

:'''Kuyler''': Do you know how many Mortals I've killed over the years?
:'''Duncan''': I'm sure you do.
:'''Kuyler''': I've kept a book. 2760. Now I don't just think I'm bragging, but, I'm the greatest assassin in all of history. Of course, there have been men responsible for more deaths, but none of them killed so many, so close.
:'''Duncan''': I don't think there are going to be any more entries in your book.

===For Tomorrow We Die [1.15]===

:'''[[w:Darius (Highlander)|Darius]]''': Why are you here?
:'''[[w:Xavier St. Cloud|Xavier St. Cloud]]''': I've come to confess. Same as everyone else. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
:'''Darius''': I will not hear this.
:'''Xavier''': You are a priest, and I am a sinner. Isn't that how it goes? Or have you reinvented the position?
:'''Darius''': Why do this? It means nothing to you.
:'''Xavier''': Because it means everything to you.

----

:'''Dalou''': Parisians don't mind a little larceny now and then. If it's done with ingenuity, no one gets hurt.

----

:'''Inspector LeBrun''': If this man kills again because you're holding out on me, I will personally have your head.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Well I think your gonna have to wait in line.

----

:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': Mac, you ever had it bad for an older woman?
:'''Duncan''': Well, the situation hasn't come up recently.

----

:'''Xavier''': I'm just trying to earn a few francs. After all, a man's gotta live.
:'''Duncan''': Not necessarily.
:''[They fight]''

===Saving Grace [1.17]===

:'''[[w:Darius (Highlander)|Darius]]''': War in the abstract is a great intellectual puzzle, but in reality it's all blood and tears.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Then why make it into a game?
:'''Darius''': To deny what I was is to deny what I am.

----

:'''Grace Chandel''': God, I get so tired of it sometimes. We go on and everything around us dies.

----

:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': Do you still love her?
:'''Duncan''': No.
:'''Tessa''': That's all that needs to be said. She's your friend, and she's been hurt. You'll help her. I'd expect you to do no less.

----

:'''Grace''': The truth is, you and I were too different.
:'''Duncan''': Maybe if I'd stayed.
:'''Grace''': You would've been unhappy. So I let you go. My wandering knight, charging off to right all the wrongs of the world.

----

:''[At her husband's grave]''
:'''Grace''': You'd think I'd learn how to handle this, wouldn't you. The strange thing is, every time it happens I tell myself I won't go through it again. I swear to myself I won't fall in love with a mortal. As if love were something you had any control over. You and Mac have something good. I envy you.
:'''Tessa''': Grace, about you and Mac...
:'''Grace''': We had a moment, that was all. Though I wanted it to be more. Please don't hold it against me.
:'''Tessa''': It's funny, but I don't. It would take me several lifetimes to find out everything in Duncan's past. I know there have been others. But I never thought I would meet one of them. And here you are.

===The Lady and the Tiger [1.18]===

:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': You don't look like someone who would worry much about forgiveness.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': Tess, you do know that they all carry ''big'' swords with them. Just a thought.
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': You've always had a taste for beautiful and spirited women, Duncan.
:'''Tessa''': And modest. Don't forget modest.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Time to go. It's been thrilling.
:'''Amanda''': It's been 65 years. A girl might think you're trying to avoid her.
:'''Duncan''': Now how could you think that? Goodbye, Amanda.

----

:''[She sent him to prison, now he's escaped and has her helpless]''
:'''Zachary Blaine''': Do you know what I missed most... was the feeling of a good, old fashioned Quickening. SShhhh!!
:'''Amanda''': Wait!
:'''Zachary''': No, after what you did to me, you can't come up with a reason good enough.
:'''Amanda''': I can give you ten million reasons, in American dollars.
:'''Zachary''': Funny, you'd think that would be enough. ''(prepares to kill her)''
:'''Amanda''': I can give you the head of Duncan MacLeod!

----

:'''Amanda''': I gave up my life of crime, Duncan.
:'''Duncan''': That's what you said in Constantinople, 250 years ago.
:'''Amanda''': I succumbed to an impulse.
:'''Duncan''': I was nearly flayed alive when they came looking for you.
:'''Amanda''': But you got away. You always do.

----

:'''Tessa''': After all she's done to you, why do you care whether she's happy or not?
:'''Duncan''': I don't know, Tessa. She made me laugh when there weren't too many things to laugh about. Maybe that doesn't seem important, but those are the things I remember of her.
:'''Tessa''': She makes me feel like I have to compete with her. Maybe if I'd been a lady pirate or something....
:'''Duncan''': whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Richie, give us a moment, would you?
:'''Richie''': I was just leaving. ''[He leaves]''
:'''Duncan''': Hey, listen to me young lady, she's no competition. Hmmm?
:''[They kiss]''

----

:'''Zachary''': Why try to save her, MacLeod? She's betrayed you before.
:'''Duncan''': At least I'm smart enough to stay out of jail.
:''[They fight]''

== Season Two ==
*Third narration, read by actor [[w:Jim Byrnes|Jim Byrnes]]: 
''He is immortal, born in the Highlands of Scotland four hundred years ago. He is not alone. There are others like him, some good, some evil. For centuries he has battled the forces of Darkness, with Holy Ground his only refuge. He cannot die, unless you take his head and with it, his power. In the end there can be only one. He is Duncan MacLeod, the Highlander.''

===An Eye For an Eye [2.5]===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': She ''(Tessa)'' was part of our lives, Richie. Never pretend she wasn't.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': I don't! I keep waking up every morning...
:'''Duncan''': ...expecting her to be there. Get used to it, it won't be the last time it happens to you.
:'''Richie''': When does this start getting easier?
:'''Duncan''': It doesn't.

----

:'''Richie''': I keep waiting to feel different. Like someone's going to tell me how to be, what to do.
:'''Duncan''': What were you expecting, a set of instructions?

----

:''[Flashback to Ireland, 1920]''
:'''Annie Devlin''': Why don't you stay? It will be a beautiful war.
:'''Duncan''': War is never beautiful, Annie. Leave with me. This will never end.
:'''Annie''': It will when we win. Or when there's no one left alive to fight.

----

:''[Referring to his fight with Annie]''
:'''Richie''': I could have killed her, Mac. I mean, that's what I'm supposed to do, right?
:'''Duncan''': Sometimes.
:'''Richie''': I couldn't do it. I thought I could, but I couldn't. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this.
:'''Duncan''': You're still who you are, Richie. You don't change when you become Immortal, you just live longer. Hopefully.
:'''Richie''': Oh, boy, I'd say I got a lot to learn.
:'''Duncan''': You still have time.
:''[Duncan presents Richie with a sword]''
:'''Duncan''': Take good care of it. Live with it. Make it part of you. Might be the only friend you have.

===The Zone [2.6]===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': You know, there's a problem with thinking the strongest can take what they want.
:'''Caanan''': Yeah, what's that?
:'''Duncan''': There's always somebody stronger. 

===The Return of Amanda [2.7]===

:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': You know, you won't ''let'' me change. You really expect me to steal, don't you?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': I expect sharks to bite, too. Don't take it personally.

----

:'''Amanda''': I really do like you, Duncan. Let's just play house for 70 or 80 years.

----

:'''Duncan''': Who were those guys?
:'''Amanda''': I swear on my mother's grave...
:'''Duncan''': You don't have a mother.

----

:'''Amanda''': Why won't you believe me? I've never seen those guys before in my life.
:'''Duncan''': Funny, they seemed to know you.

----

:''[Amanda wants to know why Duncan is smiling]''
:'''Duncan''': Why can't I just smile? I'm happy, we're safe for now, I've just made love to the most devious, scheming, deceitful... beautiful woman in history.
:'''Amanda''': Do you really think I'm one of the most beautiful women in history?

----

:'''Amanda''': I told you, I'm not a thief any more.
:'''Duncan''': So you turned to counterfeiting instead?
:'''Amanda''': Well, I ran out of money, what else am I supposed to do?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, a job is out of the question.
:'''Amanda''': Would you get serious, MacLeod.

----

:'''Duncan''': Wait, wait, counterfeiting and honesty, they go well together, right?
:'''Amanda''': Don't be so picky, my heart was in the right place.

===Run for your Life [2.09]===
:'''Carl''': Maybe it's just time for old Carl to move on, man.
:'''Duncan''': And do what?
:'''Carl''': Hey, I'll get by. You just take care of yourself.
:'''Duncan''': You still don't get it, do you?! You are an immortal. You have something other people will never have: time, and the ability to make the difference. No, listen to me, man! Listen to me! You can do whatever you want, be whatever you want! You can live the dream. Most people grow old and die before they can do that.
---------
:'''Carter''': Hello, Carl. Nice to see you again.
:'''Carl''': ''[Stands up]'' What do you want?
:'''Carter''': I'm gonna kill you. Forever.
:'''Carl''': Wow, man. I don't even know you. ''[Carter walks closer to him]'' What was this all about? I didn't do nothing.
:'''Carter''': You live.
:'''Ken''': ''[Pointing a gun at Carter]'' Put it down, Carter.
:'''Carter''': Get outta here, kid.
:'''Ken''': Why?
:'''Carter''': Just get the hell outta here!
:'''Ken''': I can't. What's this all about?
:'''Carl''': ''(To Ken)'' He doesn't want any witnesses for the execution.
:'''Carter''': He's wanted for murder.
:'''Ken''': Who's murder? Huh? I checked him at Arizona.
:'''Carter''': You don't know what the hell these people are. ''[Duncan climbing the ladder]''
:'''Ken''': Shut them down.
:'''Carter''': He doesn't deserve to live.
''[Duncan continuing climbing the ladder]''
:'''Ken''': Please. Put it down.
:'''Carter''': You're over your head, Kenny. Trust me, you don't understand what's going on here.
:'''Ken''': I understand enough to know what attempted murder looks like. ''[Duncan climbs slowly to sneak]''
:'''Carter''': What? Are you gonna shoot me, rookie?
:'''Ken''': If I have to?
:'''Carter''': I don't think so. ''[Duncan shoves him and Ken shots him down to death while Carter screaming from the dock to the water]''

===Under Color of Authority [2.12]===

:'''Mako''': I always thought that you were a man that respected the law.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': I like to see justice done.

----

:'''Duncan''': A man can't always live by the law.
:'''Mako''': A man cannot live any other way.

----

:'''Mako''': I have been a lawman for almost 600 years. Even before I was Immortal. I have seen cities burned, I have seen children slaughtered. Law is what separates us from the beast. When we leave it, we leave a hole with no bottom.

----

:'''Laura''': You don't exactly trust me, much, now do you?
:'''Duncan''': I don't know you.
:'''Laura''': So you don't believe me.
:'''Duncan''': No, I believe that you're frightened, and I believe that you're running from something. I'm just not sure what.

----

:'''Duncan''': When you're young and you care about someone, you think with your heart. You don't see clearly.
:'''Laura''': I don't know why you're so worried about Richie. I mean, you act like you're his father or something.
:'''Duncan''': I'm not his father, Laura, but he is like family to me.

----

:'''Mako''': I'm looking for a girl.
:'''Duncan''': Try working on your personality.

----

:'''Duncan''': Richie, where is this going from here? What happens if you are out on the road and a cop recognizes her? What are you going to do, kill him? How far is this going to go, Richie?
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': I don't know, Mac, I don't know! All I know is, I gotta help her, Mac. Mac, she needs me.

===Legacy [2.19]===

:[''John is mortal. Rebecca is not.'']
:'''John''': Promise me something. You will leave me before I get too old.
:'''Rebecca''': You are in a good mood today!
:'''John''': Well, I'm serious. Listen, Rebecca, you deserve a younger man.
:'''Rebecca''': I have a younger man. I have what I want.
:'''John''': There's two things...
:'''Rebecca''': John, you are the love of my life. You're the love of a dozen lifetimes. I don't care if you are 23, or 53, or 103. I am never going to leave you. Ever.

----

:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': MacLeod, do you ever wonder what it is like to die?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Every time.
:'''Amanda''': That's not what I meant.
:'''Duncan''': I know, you meant really die. Be gone forever.
:'''Amanda''': So you do think about it.
:'''Duncan''': Not for myself. Not any more. Whatever happens, happens.
:'''Amanda''': I don't know. The longer I live the more I get attached to myself.
:'''Duncan''': Sooner or later everyone dies. Even us.
:'''Amanda''': I don't mind the later, it's the sooner part I don't like.

----

:[''Flashback to 1635'']
:'''Amanda''': Why take a man's head when you can have his gold?
:'''Rebecca''': Amanda!
:'''Amanda''': What? You taught me to be clever.
:'''Rebecca''': I also taught you to be honest.
:'''Amanda''': Ah yes, I forget that part.

----

:'''Amanda''': Hmmmm. Breakfast in bed. You better watch it, MacLeod. They say this is how love starts.

----

:'''Duncan''': Was the crystal really worth Rebecca's life?
:'''Luther''': It's worth any amount of lives.
:'''Duncan''': Whoever has the crystal becomes invincible. Is that it?
:'''Luther''': So you know.
:'''Duncan''': It's a myth, Luther. A story told by bored people around campfires.

----

:'''Amanda''': You stuck your nose in without being asked, the least you could do is say you're sorry.
:'''Duncan''': What, for saving your life?
:'''Amanda''': Oh don't change the subject!

== Season Three ==
===The Samurai [3.1]===
:'''[[w:Charlie DeSalvo|Charlie DeSalvo]]''': You got a visitor.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': But I'm not even here yet. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Walk out that door and you won't know if this is the right place or not.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': I've gotta go to Japan.
:'''Charlie''': Japan?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, you know. Land of the Rising Sun. Hai!
:'''Charlie''': You just got back!
:'''Duncan''': That was Paris. It's a different continent.
:'''Charlie''': Very funny, MacLeod.
:'''Duncan''': I'll give you the air miles.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': How long have you been gone?
:'''Duncan''': Six months.
:'''Charlie''': Yeah right, so for six months, everything is quiet. I don't even get a hangnail. And all of a sudden you show up and I'm fighting to save my teeth.
:'''Duncan''': Don't thank me all at once, Charlie.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Sometimes it's not the body you have to protect... it's the spirit.

----

:[''Flashback to Japan, 1778'']
:'''Duncan''': But there must be some other way! We can get a boat and leave Japan...
:'''Hideo Koto''': I could no more run than I could fly. Koto is a noble Samurai name... a name I have been honored to borrow. To dishonor it for all who follow me would be unthinkable.

===Line of Fire [3.2]===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''':  Let me know when you've found the formula.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': The formula?
:'''Duncan''': For getting in shape without training.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

''[Richie believes he has a son]''
:'''Duncan''': Immortals can't have children.
:'''Richie''': Exactly Mac, this happened before I became an immortal.
:'''Duncan''': That's not the way it works.
:'''Richie''': Maybe I'm the first.
:'''Duncan''': I wish it could happen. But it's not in the cards. We don't get to live happily ever after. Children aren't part of our lives...it can't happen.
:'''Richie''': It just did.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Father Matthew''': Ah, Paris... The city of my youth. I was there in '72. What a summer. ''[remembering]'' All those women, all that wine... Of course, that was before I entered the priesthood.
:'''Duncan''' and '''Richie''': Of course. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Richie''': I didn't know if I'd find you alive. What the hell happened?
:'''Duncan''': I lived.
:'''Richie''': Very funny. And the other guy?
:'''Duncan''': He lived too. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

''[In Joe's bar]''
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': Hey MacLeod, what do you think? Is it me?
:'''Duncan''': The truth? I'd say it's a little out of character.
:'''Joe''': You know, I wasn't born in a museum. In fact, I'm kinda tired of hanging around old antiques like you. Look at me, I'm growing old.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Richie enters the dojo covered with grunge and tomatoes]''
:'''Duncan''': I think you need some oil and vinegar.
:'''Richie''': I'm lucky I didn't need a funeral.

===The Revolutionary [3.3]===
:'''[[w:Dr. Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]''': ''[to Paul Karros]'' You can be St. Francis of Assisi... and I still would not let you to turn my hospital into a zoo.''[to Reporters]'' Now ladies and gentlemen, it's a bit early for Happy Hour so please go!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Anne''': I said everybody.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Oh, you mean me?
:'''Anne''': Unless you're the one with the special dispensation from the Pope.
:'''Duncan''': Must've left it in my other pants.
:'''Anne''': We have a wonderful hearing specialist upstairs, you want a referral?
:'''Duncan''': Pardon?
:'''Anne''': Forget it. Get out, go!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Charlie DeSalvo|Charlie DeSalvo]]''': ''[to MacLeod]'' It's funny. This time I'm the one leaving with the girl, and you're stuck here running the dojo.


===The Cross of St. Antoine [3.4]===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Joe, I want you to meet Amanda. Amanda... Joe Dawson.  
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''' The Amanda..? You know, I've heard an awful lot about you.
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': I'll bet you have. I hear you're one of those guys who likes to watch. 
:'''Joe''': It's clinical. For history. We don't get involved.
:'''Amanda''': Well, tell me... Do you watch us do... everything? 
:'''Joe''': Only the things I can't get arrested for.
:'''Amanda''': ''[to MacLeod]'' I like this guy.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Amanda''': I've lived a long time, Joe. What goes around comes around. 
:'''Joe''': You really believe that's true?
:'''Amanda''': I believe it should be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': ''[to Thorne]'' Murdering a priest is an interesting way to find religion.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': I need you to help me break into the museum.
:'''Amanda''': You want me to WHAT?! I knew you were up to something. For three hundred years you've been telling me to go legit. Now that I'm straight, you want me to steal.
:'''Duncan''': You hate your job.
:'''Amanda''': That's not the point.
:'''Duncan''': In a good cause.
:'''Amanda''': Don't you look at me like that. No, I'm retired. You wouldn't ask an alcoholic to take a drink for a good cause.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Joe's taking a revolver from a drawer]''
:'''Duncan''': You can't kill him with that, Joe.
:'''Joe''': I know, but I can sure as hell slow him down until I can.
:'''Duncan''': You won't get close enough to use it. Let me do this... For both of us.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

[''Joe's bar, Dawson is up on the stage, singing the blues. Duncan and Amanda stand in the shadows, watching and listening'']
:'''Amanda''': Did you know he could do that?
:'''Duncan''': No. [''with irony''] You know, It's funny. The man knows more about me than anyone else alive, yet I hardly know anything about him..
:'''Amanda''': God, to sing like that...he must have had a helluva life.
:'''Duncan''': Probably...
:'''Amanda''': You want to ask him about it?
:'''Duncan''': No... when he's ready, he'll tell me.

===Rite of Passage [3.5]===
:'''Michelle Webster''': Whoa, hold up, time out! That was the morgue. I was in the morgue!
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Keep your voice down. 
:'''Michelle''': Why?
:'''Duncan''': Because we are sneaking out of here!
:'''Michelle''': No, I mean, why was I in there?
:'''Duncan''': Don't worry, you're not dead.
:'''Michelle''': Oh, gee, thanks. That explains it.

----

:'''Michelle''': You mean I'm never going to turn nineteen?
:'''Duncan''': But you might get to see a thousand.

----

:'''Michelle''': You do know I've always had a thing for you. Since the first time I laid eyes on you.
:'''Duncan''': You were eleven years old!
:'''Michelle''': I matured early.

----

:'''Michelle''': Oh, so is that what you guys do? Run around chopping each other's heads off?
:'''Duncan''': Until there's only one of us left alive.
:'''Michelle''': I don't think so.
:'''Duncan''': Michelle, I'm not your father and this isn't a fairy tale! Now you either learn the Game, or you die.

----

:'''Michelle''': You know, Duncan, you really have a gift for taking the fun out of eternal life.
:'''Duncan''': It'll get better.
:'''Michelle''': I sure hope so.
:'''Duncan''': No, I mean your... outlook.
:'''Michelle''': Oops. Almost slipped. You were gonna say &quot;attitude&quot;.
:'''Michelle''': You know what, Duncan? That is &quot;Dad speak&quot;. And you're pretty lousy at that too.

===Obsession [3.8]===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': This doesn't make any sense, Richie, he's supposed to be getting married.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': Not unless it's a shotgun wedding. I'm telling you, Mac, she didn't want anything to do with him.

----

:'''Richie''': Mac, you don't understand, one minute the guy was there, and the next, boom, he's trying to take my head. And he wasn't kidding around. I mean, that girl came in, and he just freaked. He totally lost it. Now what the hell is this all about?

----

:'''Jill''': We were happy. Everything seemed so perfect. Then one day I came home and he said &quot;Honey, come here, I have something to show you.&quot; And then he took a knife, and he .... ''[she can't say it]''
:'''Duncan''': Then he healed.
:'''Jill''': He said I had to know... and I wish he'd never told me.
:'''Duncan''': He loves you. He had to tell you.
:'''Jill''': Mr. MacLeod, I have a picture of how I want my life to be. Kids, grandkids... a family. It may sound stupid, but it's what I see.
:'''Richie''': So you called it off.
:'''Jill''': But he won't let me. And he won't leave me alone. He nearly beat a guy to death just for talking to me.

----

:'''[[w:Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]''': This is ridiculous. I'm calling the police.
:'''Duncan''': Anne, don't.
:'''Anne''': It is the only way, Duncan. You think talking is going to stop this guy? If you think that, spend a Saturday night in the emergency ward with me. These guys do not stop until someone's dead.

===Methos [3.16] ===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Joe? What's up? 
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': You've got trouble.
:'''Duncan''': How come you never call with good news? 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Come on, Joe. Methos doesn't exist.He's a legend... like Adam and Eve. The oldest Immortal. 
:'''Joe''': Oh, he exists all right. 
:'''Duncan''': Are you telling me you've seen him? 
:'''Joe''': Me? No. He's an elusive guy. Have to be, to live as long as he has. An Immortal so old he doesn't remember the time of his birth.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Five thousand years. 
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Yeah, give or take. And that was when I took my first head. Before that, it all starts to blur.
:'''Duncan''': I guess it would. So, after all this time, have You... ?
:'''Methos''': Made any sense of it all? Found any purpose? 
:'''Duncan''': You read minds, too?
:'''Methos''': No. It's what I'd ask if I'd just met me.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Duncan''': Somehow I thought you'd be...
:'''Methos''': Deeper? Wiser? Bearded? 
:'''Duncan''': I didn't really think you existed.
:'''Methos''': Ah, it's good to be a myth. 
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, no one hunts for a myth. Or a Watcher.
:'''Methos''': What better place to hide? I'm in charge of finding myself...and I make sure it never happens. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Methos''': You think I'd still be around if I was an easy mark? 
:'''Duncan''': When was the last time you faced anyone?
:'''Methos''': What are we? [''checking his watch''] Sixth of March, uh, two hundred years. Hey, I may be a bit rusty but I'm still here.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Methos''': You think I wanna die? Do you think it's easy after thousands of years?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Duncan''': So after five thousand years, your only solution is that I kill you?
:'''Methos''': He can beat me. He might beat you. He can't beat both of US.
:'''Duncan''': If it's that simple, why don't you take my head?
:'''Methos''': 'Cause it's not just a matter of who is the best fighter. It is about passion and hate. I don't have the fire. You do. You want Kalas. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Methos''': Live, Highlander. Grow stronger...fight another day.


===Take Back The Night [3.17]===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': You've killed two already. How much is enough?
:'''Ceirdwyn''': There were five of them.
:'''Duncan''': This isn't the answer.
:'''Ceirdwyn''': A body for a body. A head for a head. Since the dawn of time. It's no different now.
:'''Duncan''': Revenge does nothing, Ceirdwyn... nothing.

----

:[''Speaking to her husband's grave'']
:'''Ceirdwyn''': I did what I had to do... But you'd think, after all this time, I would have learned... Death is always death. And when someone's gone, nothing can bring them back. Not pain, not rage... not revenge.

----

:[''About her dead (mortal) husband'']
:'''Duncan''': You going to be OK?
:'''Ceirdywn''': No, not for a long time... I'm not going to forget him, you know? But it was worth it. For the fifteen years we had together, I'll trade fifteen years of pain. I'd trade a hundred!
:'''Duncan''': But what about the price they pay? No family, living in secrecy... waiting for the night you go out and you never come back. Maybe we're not supposed to be with them.
:'''Ceirdwyn''': They're not children, MacLeod. They make their own decisions. Steven knew what I was, and he chose to be with me.

===Testimony [3.18]===
:''[Anne examines a Scottish broadsword]''
:'''[[w:Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]''': You fought the battle of Culloden with this? That was in 1746.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': I know, it's hard to accept. I thought coming here might help. That was a gift from Bonnie Prince Charlie. I claimed it after he died.

----

:'''Anne''': It's like a fairy tale, with swords and people living forever.
:'''Duncan''': Not always.
:'''Anne''': That's right, the heads. Do you really have to do that?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah.

----

:'''Anne''': Duncan, I've seen death. And I'm not afraid of it. Whatever happens, I want us to be together.
:'''Duncan''': Your whole life will never be the same.
:'''Anne''': My whole life has not been the same since the day I met you. I tried it with you. I've tried it without you. I'll take it with you any day.

----

:'''Kristov''': I'll kill you in a second, boy. Leave while you've still got your head.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': There's only one thing I hate more than being called a &quot;boy&quot;. And that's your stupid paintings.
:''[They fight]''

----

:'''Richie''': I'd kiss you, but people might talk.
:'''Duncan''': They might.

----

:'''Anne''': So, is this the way it's always going to be?
:'''Duncan''': I don't know. I can't see into the future. Can you live with it?
:'''Anne''': I don't know. But I'd really like to try.

===Finale, Part One [3.21] ===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Amanda? 
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': Gotta hand it to you, MacLeod...You've got a memory like an elephant.
:'''Duncan''': Amanda, what are you doing here? Besides making a fashion statement.
:'''Amanda''': You like it?... I'm making you dinner...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Duncan''': Come on, Amanda, give. What do you really want?
:'''Amanda''': Just to make you happy.
:'''Duncan''': Why?
:'''Amanda''': So you won't kill me when I tell you what happened.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Duncan''': What the hell are you doing here?
:'''Amanda''': Came to hear some jazz.
:'''Duncan''': Jazz.
:'''Amanda''': You know, American music. Miles, Coltrane, Wynton...[''off his look''] Alright, I was looking for you. [''his look doesn't change''] Alright, I was looking for Kalas! You know you can really be irritating sometimes?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': That went well. What the hell were you thinking of?
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': I wasn't thinking, I was improvising.
:'''Joe''': By cutting yourself open? And it took you five thousand years to figure that out. 
:'''Methos''': You're disappointed in me, aren't you? Gimme a break. What were you expecting? Einstein? Freud? Buddha? 
:'''Joe''': Forget it. 
:'''Methos''': Sorry, Joe. I'm just a guy.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Amanda''': It's morning. I'm tired. It's hopeless. We'll never find him. Our only lead back to Kalas and you had to kill him.
:'''Duncan''': I told you, I didn't kill him. He fell.
:'''Amanda''': On his gun?
:'''Duncan''': Yes!
:'''Amanda''': And it went off just like that.
:'''Duncan''': Just like that.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Methos''': Well. Life as we know it is over.

===Finale, Part Two [3.22] ===
[''Looking down from the Eiffel Tower'']
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': Remember when Gustave Eiffel built this thing?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': World's Fair, 1889. Half the people thought it would ruin Paris forever. There were fist-fights all along the Champs Elysees. 
:'''Amanda''': Now you can't imagine Paris without it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

[''About going to see the editor of the Tribune'']
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': I've got a lot to offer. Five thousand years of history, Joe...I was there.
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': History's been written. People have been known to kill the messenger who waltzes in with a new version of the truth.
:'''Methos''': Why would I tell the truth?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
[''On the outer railing of the Eiffel Tower'']
:'''Amanda''': C'mon, MacLeod... Haven't you ever wanted to do something really crazy?
:'''Duncan''': Amanda, be careful. We don't fly.
:'''Amanda''': Have you ever tried? Relax. Whatever happens, I'll survive.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''[[w:Antonius Kalas|Kalas]]''': MacLeod. It seems you're always a day late and a dollar short. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
[''After Macleod lets Kalas go'']
:'''Amanda''': You should have killed him. You had him... I can't believe you let him go!
:'''Duncan''': It's not that simple, Amanda...
:'''Amanda''': I'll tell you what's simple. Dead is simple.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Methos''': I was in Rome once. 93 A.D., the Coliseum... I saw Christians facing the lions. Some of them looked almost happy to die for their faith.
:'''Duncan''': Your point? Or are you just strolling down Memory Lane here?
:'''Methos''': But afterwards, the only ones looking happy were the lions
:'''Duncan''': This isn't about faith.
:'''Methos''': No, it's about sacrifice. It's a helluva thing to be a martyr, MacLeod... And that's exactly what Kalas wants. He's pushing all your buttons.
:'''Duncan''': Well, I'm open to suggestions. Enlighten me.
:'''Methos''': Maybe Amanda's right. You fight your best fight.
:'''Duncan''': ''[sarcastic]'' What? Every man for himself and to hell with the rest?
:'''Methos''': So what if the world finds out? Life's about change. Civilizations rise and fall.
:'''Duncan''': This isn't about civilization, this is about people! Amanda, Dawson, Richie... Our world isn't an ant farm.
:'''Methos''': ''[with a touch of admiration and humor]'' The passion of youth.
:'''Duncan''': ''[with a sense of humor]'' Boys will be boys.
:'''Methos''': And every cloud has a silver lining. 
:'''Duncan''': What do you mean?
:'''Methos''': If you die, Amanda will be free to date.
:'''Duncan''': That's a comfort.

== Season Four ==
*Fourth and final version of the narration (also by Jim Byrnes): 
''He is Duncan MacLeod, the Highlander. Born in 1592 in the Highlands of Scotland and he is still alive. He is immortal. For four hundred years he's been a warrior, a lover, a wanderer, constantly facing other Immortals in a combat to the death. The winner takes his enemy's head and with it, his power. I'm a Watcher, part of the secret society of men and women who observe and record, but never interfere. We know the truth about Immortals. In the end there can be only one. May it be Duncan MacLeod, The Highlander.''

===Homeland [4.1] ===

:''[At his parents' graves]''
:'''Rachel MacLeod''': I'm Rachel MacLeod, and those are my ancestors you're standing on.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Well, mine too, I'm Duncan MacLeod.
:'''Rachel''': Another one. Let me guess, you're here to find you Highland roots.
:'''Duncan''': I didn't know I'd lost them.

----

:'''Rachel''': Och, if it isn't the clansman. What can I get you? Haggis? Maybe a kilt?
:'''Duncan''': An ale would do just fine. Are the people of Glenfinnan always this friendly?
:'''Rachel''': We're friendly enough, just careful of strangers.
:'''Duncan''': Really. And since when is a MacLeod a stranger in Glenfinnan?

----

:'''Duncan''': All this for an ax?!
:'''Kanwulf''': An ax? An ax made by the Gods, MacLeod. Used by Loki and Thor themselves.
:'''Duncan''': You can't still believe that.
:'''Kanwulf''': As much as they believe in their pale Christ.

----

:''[At night. Duncan takes his father's sword down from the wall]''
:'''Rachel''': He came back from the dead, claimed his father's sword, killed the Viking, and stopped the slaughter.
:'''Duncan''': That's the legend, Rachel.
:'''Rachel''': The bracelet. Now this. If I asked you to explain, would it make any sense?
:''[Duncan is silent]''
:'''Rachel''': Duncan MacLeod.... maybe some legends are true.
:'''Duncan''': Maybe.

----

:''[Rachel is waiting when he returns the sword]''
:'''Duncan''': It's over.
:'''Rachel''': I knew you'd be back. The legend. That seems to belong in your hand.
:'''Duncan''': No, it belongs in Glenfinnan. This is it's home.
:''[She kisses him]''
:'''Rachel''': Your's too, Duncan MacLeod.

===Reunion [4.6] ===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Anne, you all right?
:'''[[w:Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]''': Yeah, I'm fine.
:'''Duncan''': Is the baby OK?
:'''Anne''': Yeah, the baby's... learning to tap-dance I think.
:'''Duncan''': Somebody told me that there was an emergency.
:'''Anne''': Well, yeah, it's your cousin. ''(Duncan looks blank)'' The one from Wisconsin.
:'''Duncan''': Kenny's here?
:'''Anne''': Yeah, he's in the chapel. I was gonna call security, but I thought, what am I gonna tell them, I've got this kid who could live forever but he's only safe in churches?

----

:''[Duncan walks through a minefield]''
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': When you think of me, when you, you know, if you ever had to describe me to someone else, would you think of me as a nurturing person?
:'''Duncan''': ''(long pause)'' Definitely. Is that it?
:'''Amanda''': No! I want you to be honest, OK?
:'''Duncan''': How honest?
:'''Amanda''': Honest. I mean, tell me the truth, don't think about hurting my feelings.
:'''Duncan''': OK, then, no. Nurturing is not the first thing that comes to mind when I think of you.
:'''Amanda''': Oh, I don't think you know me very well.
:'''Duncan''': Amanda, you're beautiful, you're smart, and you're a lot of fun. Nurturing's in there... it's just not high on the list.
:'''Amanda''': Well, do you think that I would have made a good mother?
:'''Duncan''': Absolutely.
:'''Amanda''': Really? I mean, because I could take it if you don't think that, you know, I have it in me.
:'''Duncan''': You would have made a wonderful mother.
:'''Amanda''': Really?

----

:''[Amanda touches Anne's belly]''
:'''Amanda''': Wow... so what's it like?
:'''Anne''': Oh, like all the cliches. Carrying a watermelon, walking like a duck. And this is the easy part. The tough part comes when she gets here.
:'''Amanda''': Are you scared?
:'''Anne''': Terrified. You know, I'm a single mother, I work crazy shifts and weird hours. She's gonna need me, and the ER's gonna need me, and I haven't figured out how I'm going to make it all work yet.
:'''Amanda''': You know what? I think your going to do great.

===Chivalry [4.10] ===

:''[Flashback to 1659]''
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Hey, you, in the coach, you carry a sword, why don't you use it?
:'''Kristin Gilles''': I could use it now, but then I could not do this. ''(Kisses Duncan)''

----

:'''Duncan''': Immortality definitely has an upside. Think about it, in 400 years you might be racing starships instead of Harleys.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': You think things are going to change that much?
:'''Duncan''': Well, Richie, when I was a kid, the fastest way to travel was by horse, and if you wanted to fly, you had to be a bird.

----

:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': MacLeod-san, that katana is a lovely piece of art. May I? I washed my hands this morning.
:''[MacLeod hands it over]''
:'''Methos''': Ahhh! Quite a blade.
:''[Methos puts blade to Duncan's neck]'' 
:'''Duncan''': Not funny, Methos.
:'''Methos''': Not meant to be. Not only are you naive, now you are weaponless. How have you lived this long? Do you know how many Immortals she's killed? Want a list?
:'''Duncan''': All right, you've made your point.
:'''Methos''': Have I? One day she is going to kill you.
:'''Duncan''': She's tried already.
:'''Methos''': You're better with a blade than her, yes. You are stronger than her, yes. But if you keep letting her walk away, one day she gets lucky, and takes your head. Yes!
:'''Duncan''': Oh, I don't know, maybe she'll start to gloat like you. 
:''[Duncan knocks Methos down and escapes]''
:'''Duncan''': You wanna play?
:'''Methos''': Great, you knock me on my bum because I make a bad joke. Very macho. But you keep letting her walk away, without even taking a shot, that is very suicidal.
:'''Duncan''': You know what she was to me.
:'''Methos''': Yes, and I know what she is. A killer. You treat her like one.

----

:'''Methos''': A couple of medieval songwriters come up with the idea of chivalry one rainy day...
:'''Duncan''': This isn't about chivalry!
:'''Methos''': ...and you embrace it as a lifestyle. You live and die by a code of honor that was trendy when you were a kid.
:'''Duncan''': Would you rather that I had no code of honor at all?
:'''Methos''': I would rather you survived. You put that first.

----

:''[Duncan disarms Kristin but cannot kill her]''
:'''Methos''': Pick it up.
:'''Kristin''': Who the hell are you?
:'''Methos''': A man who was born long before the age of chivalry. Pick it up.
:''[They fight]''

===Timeless [4.11] ===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': You really are a spoiled brat.
:'''Claudia Jardine''': I was a spoiled brat when we first met, but now... I'm a genius.
:'''Duncan''': Silly me, I forgot. ''(hands her a glass)'' Here. It's not poisoned, although I'm tempted.
:'''Claudia''': You know, just because you think you own me doesn't mean you can tell me how to live my life.
:'''Duncan''': I don't think I own you.
:'''Claudia''': Oh yes you do. If you hadn't paid for Juilliard, the Paris Conservatory, I would probably be stuck in some crummy lounge in Las Vegas doing my one millionth rendition of Proud Mary.
:'''Duncan''': Is this a thank you I'm hearing?
:'''Claudia''': I thank you by being brilliant.
:'''Duncan''': She said modestly.

----

:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Excuse me, if I sat at a table, would you be my waitress?
:'''Alexa Bond''': ''(to Joe)'' Is he a good tipper?
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe Dawson]]''': No.
:'''Alexa''': Well. Too bad. Makes up for it in cute, though.
:'''Methos''': Cute. I can do cute.

----

:'''Methos''': I'm, uh, Adam Pierson.
:'''Alexa''': Where are you from?
:'''Methos''': Umm...
:'''Alexa''': Your accent. Your not from here.
:'''Methos''': No, I've traveled a lot.
:'''Alexa''': Really?!?! Paris?
:'''Methos''': Paris is too full of Parisians. Even the French don't like Paris.
:'''Alexa''': Venice?
:'''Methos''': Venice, the smell alone would kill you.
:'''Alexa''': A little young to be so cynical, aren't you?
:'''Methos''': Well, if you say so.
:'''Alexa''': I just did. ''(leaves)''
:'''Methos''': What did I say?
:'''Joe''': Ah, forget it, Alexa's not your type, OK?

----

:''[Discussing Claudia]''
:'''Methos''': How long have you known her?
:'''Duncan''': Since she was 14. She was living with a foster family. Pretty poor, and intimidated that they had a prodigy in their midst.
:'''Methos''': And does she know...
:'''Duncan''': That she's one of us? Doesn't have a clue.

----

:''[Walter has been trying to kill her]''
:'''Duncan''': You're completely insane!
:'''Walter''': It makes so much sense, MacLeod! Don't read something diabolical into it.
:'''Duncan''': Immortality is not a game of tag. You can't say &quot;you're it!&quot; or &quot;you're it!&quot;. It's not for us to decide when a mortal life is over.
:'''Walter''': But I must. If she doesn't die, now, at the pinnacle of her genius, it could be lost forever.
:'''Duncan''': You don't know that!
:'''Walter''': Ooh, Shakespeare. I found my purpose, MacLeod. Imagine, Claudia Jardine's talent living on through the ages... under my loving guidance.
:'''Duncan''': Walter, get a life!
:'''Walter''': Don't you see, she'll thank me. She will always be young, and beautiful, and passionate...
:'''Duncan''': ...and what happens when her fans see that she's not getting any older?

----

:'''Alexa''': Well... either you like to drink or you're crazy about the blues.
:'''Methos''': No, I was waiting for you... I see I leave you speechless, this is an excellent start.
:'''Alexa''': A start to what?
:'''Methos''': To... Dinner, a film, a concert, a smile, a sunset, a walk, all of the above, whatever you would like...
:'''Alexa''': Do women really fall for that line?
:'''Methos''': I have no idea, I've never used it before.
:'''Alexa''': .... Why do you want to go out with me?
:'''Methos''': Because the alternative is unthinkable.

----

:'''Alexa''': I'm dying. You see, don't you? We can't go out tomorrow.
:'''Methos''': Absolutely. We'd better make it tonight.

----

:'''Methos''': Where's Alexa? We have a date.
:'''Joe''': She called in sick.
:'''Methos''': Where does she live?
:'''Joe''': Adam, she doesn't want to see you, OK? Just leave her alone.
:'''Methos''': Joe, I didn't ask for your opinion. I know she's dying, OK. You are all dying. 20 years, 6 months, what's the difference?
:'''Joe''': She's protecting herself. She's protecting you, don't you get it?
:'''Methos''': Yes, I get it! Now tell me where she lives.

===Methuselah's Gift [4.16] ===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Amanda, you've lived for over a thousand years, how many times have you seen real magic?
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': MacLeod, I was an illiterate thief starving on the street before Rebecca found me and made me her student. This is all I have left of her. Magic or not, no-one's gonna take this from me!

----

:'''Duncan''': There is no way Methos sent those men, not a chance!
:'''Amanda''': Why not? It's perfect. It's wily, it's devious, it's... just like him.

----

:'''Duncan''': Why are you doing this? You've lived this long without it, why do you need it now?
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Alexa... she's in hospital in Geneva, she doesn't have long.
:'''Duncan''': You knew it had to be this way.
:'''Methos''': Yeah, from the first moment I saw her. Is, is that supposed to make it easier? Is that supposed to make it OK?

----

:'''Methos''': You understand nothing. Three weeks ago, we were standing on a beach on Santorini, watching the sun rise on the Mediterranean. Now she is lying in a hospital in Switzerland breathing through a tube! ... You think it takes courage to do what we do? Face another Immortal with a sword, knowing only one of you will live? You try being her! You try living one year, knowing that your time is running out. Knowing that when it comes to the final fight, however much you train, whatever tricks you have, you still lose! That's the way it is for them. So little time for them to see anything or do anything.

----

:'''Methos''': My flight back to Geneva leaves at 10. She'll never know how close I came.
:'''Duncan''': She'll know how much you love her.
:'''Methos''': As much as I can for as long as she lives.

===The Immortal Cimoli [4.17] ===

:''[At the circus]''
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': How can you not be excited, MacLeod? Just the smell of sawdust, popcorn and cotton candy. This makes me feel like a kid! Oh, isn't it exciting! I mean the sights, the sounds, the carnies!
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': The wonderful smell of wet fur. Low pay, rotten hours, sleeping in trucks.

----

:'''Danny Cimoli''': Sorry, no more autographs, I've got a monster headache.
:'''Duncan''': I don't want an autograph, and that's not a headache. We need to talk about who you are.
:'''Danny''': ''(laughs)'' Like the poster says, I'm The Immortal Cimoli!
:'''Duncan''': Ah, the Immortal Cimoli!
:'''Amanda''': He's got that part figured out.
:'''Duncan''': Listen to me. That headache that you got, all of us get it. It's how we know another one of us is around.
:'''Danny''': Ah... look, Mister, I don't know what you're talking about...
:'''Duncan''': ... you died recently, a robbery or an accident or something? But you didn't stay dead, did you?
:'''Danny''': How did you know?
:'''Duncan''': Because it happened to me. Four hundred years ago.
:'''Amanda''': We should talk.

----

:'''Danny''': Ever since the truck hit me, I've thought, this can't last, one day it's going to end, bang, I won't get up. But if it lasts forever, I can do any trick. Anything, and I wont die! I'll be bigger than Houdini.
:'''Duncan''': Sit down. Sit down! This isn't some trick for some magic act!

----

:''[They are in bed together]''
:'''Amanda''': MacLeod, you awake? What are you thinking about?
:'''Duncan''': Umm, Danny.
:'''Amanda''': Must be losing my touch.
:'''Duncan''': No, you're not losing your touch!
:''[They snuggle]''
:'''Duncan''': What are you thinking about?
:'''Amanda''': Moscow.
:'''Duncan''': I must be losing my touch.

----

:'''Danny''': The hell with the Rules, and the hell with the Game. I want out.
:'''Amanda''': Sorry, Danny, but that's not an option.

----

:'''Duncan''': Houdini was a friend of mine, and you, Danny, are no Houdini.

===Till Death [4.20] ===

:''[Flashback to 1696]''
:'''Robert''': Well, well, well, what have we here, mice in the parlor. And Immortal mice at that.
:'''[[w:Hugh Fitzcairn|Hugh Fitzcairn]]''': I told you there was another way in. Didn't I tell you?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Be quiet! I'd be careful who I called a mouse, especially if I was a rat.
:'''Robert''': ''(gazing at Gina)'' If you're a thief, I've never seen a comlier one.
:'''Duncan''': You're the thief, we're just protecting her assets.
:'''Robert''': And they are wonderful assets.
:'''Fitzcairn''': If you please sir! A gentleman does not address a lady in that manner! I'll have his head!
:'''Duncan''': Ah, don't be ridiculous. You being dead would probably put her off her appetite.

----

:''[Flashback to 1696]''
:'''Fitzcairn''': La-la, la-la-la-la-la!
:'''Duncan''': You know, when I heard that voice I said to myself, &quot;That must be Fitzcairn - either that or a dog in heat.&quot;

----

:''[At Robert and Gina's wedding (1696)]''
:'''Fitzcairn''': You realize, none of this would have happened if she had come to the opera with me that night.
:'''Duncan''': No, she would have seen you for the raving lunatic you are and she would have been with me.
:'''Fitzcairn''': I should have asked her to marry me while I still had the chance.
:'''Duncan''': You, married? You couldn't stay faithful to a woman for what, more than one hour?
:'''Fitzcairn''': Well I would have given it a fair try.

----

:'''Gina''': Maybe we are not meant to spend three centuries together. I mean, who mates for life? Swans? Geese? Lobster?

----

:'''Duncan''': Don't you want to see Robert and Gina live happily ever after?
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Yeah, but I want to see me live happily ever after even more.

----

:'''Methos''': I knew it, I knew it! Getting between a married couple. It's a rule I haven't broken for two thousand years. I knew this would happen.
:'''Duncan''': She'll cool off, I'm just telling you to be careful, that's all.
:'''Methos''': Great, so I lose my head after five thousand years so that you can play marriage guidance counselor. I must have been out of my mind!

== Season Five ==
===Prophecy [5.1] ===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': Honey, I'm home. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': So how did you find me? Witchcraft?
:'''[[w:Cassandra (Highlander)|Cassandra ]]''': Why bother? It's the twentieth century. I used a detective agency.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Like you said, this is the twentieth century. I left prophecies behind with the witches and the fairies.
:'''Cassandra ''': Duncan, listen to me. The prophecy tells of a Highland foundling born on the winter solstice who passes through darkness into light and survives to challenge the voice of death.
:'''Duncan''': Really? Is this before or after I slay the dragon?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Roland Kantos arrives, points his sword at Duncan]''
:'''Duncan''': I guess he doesn't like me.
:'''Cassandra ''': We've got to leave, now! ''[Duncan starts walking towards Roland]'' What are you doing?
:'''Duncan''': I guess asking him to dance is out of the question.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roland''': The signs for the prophecy are all in place. You're all that stands in my way. Or don't you believe in signs?
:'''Duncan''': Oh no I believe in signs. Don't litter, don't step on the grass, no spitting.
:'''Roland''': I prefer rest in peace.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Power or no power, this is holy ground, he can't harm us here.
:'''Cassandra ''': And none of us can avoid our fate. &quot;An evil one will come to vanquish all before him. Only a Highland child, born on the winter solstice, who has seen both darkness and light, can stop him. A child and a man.&quot;
:'''Duncan''': We make our own destinies. Nothing is written.


===The End of Innocence [5.2] ===
''[To Joe]''
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': I'm an Immortal, you're a Watcher. We can't cross that line. How many times do we have to be taught that?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': That's the way it is, isn't it? -- get them before they get you. I've been practicing. Next time you pull a sword on me, it won't be so easy.
:'''Duncan''': Richie, I'd like to take back what happened, but I can't. But what you're doing is wrong and you know that, don't you?
:'''Richie''': Thanks for the tip. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': I know who I am. I've been a Watcher for more than twenty-five years. It's as much a part of me as your clan MacLeod is to you. 
:'''Duncan''': Then for once, keep your vow. Don't interfere.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': What good is philosophy in a fight?
:'''Graham Ashe''': We fight to stay alive -- don't forget to live. Imagine what you can see in a thousand years. Imagine what you can do. It's all there for us, Duncan, because we are blessed. Blessed beyond reason with the gift of eternal life. And every year brings something new -- a new vintage, a new fighting move... or a new pattern of flowers on an Italian hillside. Open your eyes and see it. Cherish it

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Richie''': Look Mac, if the bail comes with a lecture I'd just as soon wait it out in a cell. 
:'''Duncan''': The guy who's after you. Haresh Clay. 
:'''Richie''': What about him? 
:'''Duncan''': I've met him once before.
:'''Richie''': Then how come you're both still alive?
 &lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': You're out of the Watchers?
:'''Joe''': Maybe it's too late... or maybe it's about time. Like Mrs. Wischnoff used to say in my old neighbourhood -- Meit ein tuchas can Meir nisht danzen a tsvai hossannas.
:'''Duncan''': Yeah - With one ass, a man can't dance at two weddings.
:'''Joe''': You know you were right. I couldn't be both your Watcher and your friend.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': For thousands of years Immortals have fought and Watchers have observed. One day, there will only be one of us left. And some day maybe none at all. Somebody has to record that we've lived. Somebody has to record the history we've seen and the lessons we've learned.


===Manhunt [5.3] ===
:'''Detective Frayne''': You're the serial killer guy?
:'''Matthew McCormick''': Among other things. The &quot;serial killer guy&quot; will do.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Matthew McCormick''': ''[referring to a slinky]'' You know what I like about these? If you had enough stairs, they'd just go on forever.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': Unless they're stopped.
:'''Matthew McCormick''': Kinda like us.
:'''Duncan''': No, just like us. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Carl Robinson (Highlander)|Carl]]''': It's freezin' in there.
:'''Duncan''': Well yeah, It's the morgue. At least you're still fresh.
:'''Carl''': You know, you're real funny, MacLeod. Hey, who picked out these clothes anyway? Your mother?
:'''Duncan''': ''[to Matthew]'' You should have killed him.

===The Valkyrie [5.10] ===

:'''Inspector Breslaw''': Are you a writer of fiction, Mr. MacLeod? ''(No)'' ... That's a shame. Possessed of such an imagination, it seems a shame to squander your talents on my humble self.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': If I could help you, Inspector, I would.
:'''Breslaw''': Would you? Let's review, shall we? You just happen to be here when they are setting up for the Wilkinson speech.
:'''Duncan''': No, I was here the day before for a boxing match, and I was...
:'''Breslaw''': ...A woman you have never seen before has a gun. You take the gun away from her. Then she screams you have a gun, and runs away leaving you holding the weapon. Do I understand correctly so far?
:'''Duncan''': I know how it sounds...

----

:'''Duncan''': So what Breslaw was saying about the murders was true?
:'''Ingrid''': They weren't murders. They were assassinations. There's a difference.
:'''Duncan''': The end result is the same.
:'''Ingrid''': Yes, but some people deserve to die. That's the difference.

----

:'''Duncan''': You mind telling me what you find funny about this?
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Not exactly funny, but pretty entertaining, yeah.
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe Dawson]]''': Just what is so entertaining?
:'''Methos''': MacLeod tussling with another of his moral dilemmas.
:'''Duncan''': You know there are times I really don't like you.
:'''Methos''': That's OK, sometimes I don't like myself.
:'''Joe''': I see. Ingrid Henning.
:'''Methos''': Hey, ask Joe about her.
:'''Duncan''': I don't have to ask Joe about her. I know about her. She failed to kill Hitler in '44 and she's been making up for it ever since.

----

:'''Methos''': It is the ultimate in arrogance to think that one person can alter the course of history.
:'''Duncan''': You can't deny that by killing Hitler in '44, thousands of lives would have been saved, maybe millions.
:'''Methos''': Yeah, and if you'd killed him in '43 like Rommel wanted, maybe Germany would have won the war. ... History makes men, MacLeod, men don't make history.

----

:'''Breslaw''': What is she to you? A lover? A relation, perhaps? Or just an old friend? Old friends are the worst. They claim more of your soul.
:'''Duncan''': I don't agree with what Ingrid's done.
:'''Breslaw''': But part of you understands it, yes?

----

:'''Breslaw''': Your lawyer is here, and since I'm not going to charge you, goodbye.
:'''Duncan''': My lawyer? This I've got to see.
:'''Methos''': Officers... Well, that worked pretty well.
:'''Duncan''': Since when are you my attorney?
:'''Methos''': Whatever you need. Lawyer, doctor, Indian chief, I've got paperwork to cover it all.

----

:''[He shot Ingrid. They are getting drunk.]''
:'''Breslaw''': Never gets any easier ... the killing I mean.
:'''Duncan''': Maybe it's not supposed to.
:'''Breslaw''': Maybe if I die a little tonight ... it will even things out between me and God.
:'''Duncan''': I hear Wilkinson's speech is back on for tomorrow night.
:'''Breslaw''': This time he is on his own. When I was a little boy everything was black and white, good and evil, you see. Then I grew up and discovered that there was only gray. I'm sorry I had to kill your friend.
:'''Duncan''': The Ingrid I knew I'll never forget. But the one you killed, I don't even know who she was. You did what you had to do.
:'''Breslaw''': But was I right? If this fascist scum Wilkinson becomes your President in the next 5 or 10 years, how am I going to sleep at night?
:'''Duncan''': I would have made the same choice.

----

:'''Duncan''': Ingrid asked me something before she died.
:'''Methos''': They usually do.
:'''Duncan''': She said, what was the difference between her killing them and me killing her.
:'''Methos''': Good question, right up there with chicken and egg.
:'''Duncan''': So what you're saying is there is no answer?
:'''Methos''': No, there is an answer. But the real question is whether you're ready for it. ''(Duncan nods)'' Stephanovitch killed, and Ingrid judged him. Wilkinson killed, and Ingrid judged him. Ingrid killed, and you judged her.
:'''Duncan''': So who judges me?
:'''Methos''': ''(long pause)'' You hungry?

== Season Six ==
===Avatar [6.1] ===
''[At Richie's grave. The headstone reads RICHIE RYAN -- 22 YEARS -- FRIEND]''
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': I guess it's just you and me Richie. I can't believe it's been a year already. I wish I could tell you why this happened. That it all makes sense now...But I can't. I'm sorry. 
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': He knows why. 
:'''Joe''': Well, welcome back.
:'''Duncan''': I'm glad you stayed in Paris.
:'''Joe''': Somebody had to. ''[pause]'' I buried him with his sword. I didn't know what else to put on the headstone... It seemed right.
:'''Duncan''': 'Friend' is good. Because that's what he was.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Duncan''': When Richie died, I wanted to die. But I realized that if his death was to mean anything, I had to survive... I had to understand what happened. I had to believe what happened. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Joe''': But how to we beat something with the power of life and death?
:'''Duncan''': Because we have to, Joe. Because there is no one else.
:'''Joe''': What the hell.
:'''Duncan''': Exactly.

===Armageddon [6.2] ===
''[Ahriman disguised as Horton; referring to a snake]''
:'''[[w:James Horton|Horton]]''': Somewhat theatrical, I agree. A thousand years ago it would have been enough to have caused a panic in the streets.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': What do you want?
:'''Horton''': But this is the scientific age. People don't believe in demons and devils anymore. And maybe that's my best trick yet. ''[on laptop screen]'' All that technology...So much useless information... It's almost a sin to want to know so much.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Duncan''': We went back to the archives. The symbol turned up in the writings of an ancient German mystic. To him it was a force of hate that could only be defeated by love.
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': Fine for Gandhi. But what about us? What else did he say?
:'''Duncan''': Nothing. Seems he died before he could finish his memoirs.
:'''Joe''': That's great. So what do we do, sit and contemplate our navels while the world goes to hell?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Game's over. Your time is up.
:'''Ahriman''': No gun. No sword. How are you going to fight me? Are you going to huff and puff and blow my house down?
:'''Duncan''': I become one with everything. I become one with you. 
:'''Ahriman''': Too bad you didn't think of that before you killed Richie.
:'''Duncan''': I become everything. Therefore I become nothing.
:'''Ahriman''': C'mon, be a man. I dare you!
:'''Duncan''': Therefore you are nothing. Without my anger, you have no substance. Without my pride, you have no form. Without my hate... you - have - no - being.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Evil exist in all of us, Joe. When we deny that, we give evil power. Ahriman said it himself. His greatest trick was to convince the world he didn't exist. But, he does, he exists in all of us. Once I accepted that, I was able to defeat him.


===Sins of the Father [6.3] ===
:'''Alex Raven''': MacLeod, you're like a bad penny.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alex Raven''': We've gotta stop meeting like this.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': Then you've gotta stop trying to blow up my friends.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': So there is no Russian Mafia.
:'''Grant''': Sure there is...somewhere.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': We rewrite our history all the time because we have to. We rationalize our cruelty. So we can look in the mirror and face ourselves.

===Two of Hearts [6.10] ===

:'''Kate''': Have you ever heard of the Kama Sutra?
:'''Nick''': Yeah, you read it?
:'''Kate''': Read it? I modeled for the drawings.

----

:'''Nick''': Who is he?
:'''Kate''': You don't need to know.
:'''Nick''': Who is he, Kate?
:'''Kate''': His name is Bartholemew.
:'''Nick''': Wait, let me guess. You've been searching for him for a zillion years and now that you've found him, your gonna have to kill him. How am I doing here?
:'''Kate''': Don't do that.
:'''Nick''': What?
:'''Kate''': Piss on something you don't understand.

----

:'''Nick''': I say we get a line on the money first.
:'''Kate''': No, I don't want his money, I want his head.
:'''Nick''': That's very big of you. I wonder if that's what the kids want. You know, the one's he stealing from.
:'''Kate''': I hate you.
:'''Nick''': That money could feed a lot of babies. But, if you want to kill him, kill him.
:'''Kate''': I really hate you.

----

:'''Kate''': Look, I'm sorry I'm Immortal, Nick, there's nothing I can do about it.
:'''Nick''': Now you're getting irrational.
:'''Kate''': Tell me it doesn't drive you crazy, that I can't die and you can.
:'''Nick''': I don't believe this! I mean, first you lie to me, and then when things don't work out you lay this on me.
:'''Kate''': Look, you knew what I was when we met. You know the Game, you know the Rules.
:'''Nick''': And you know me, Kate. Am I the type of guy whose going to sit on his ass and let you walk off and maybe get whacked? Tell me Kate, is that who you ever thought I was?
:'''Kate''': No.
:'''Nick''': How the hell did we happen?
:'''Kate''': I didn't know we were going to happen. I didn't know I was going to fall in love with you. Nick, the part of my life that has to do with being Immortal has nothing to do with you. It can't.
:'''Nick''': Katherine, I'm either in your life, all of it, or I'm gone.

===Patient Number 7 [6.5] ===

:'''Kyra''': Why should I trust you? Give me a reason, give me one good reason.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': Because there is no one else.

----

:''[Flashback to 1640, a tavern]''
:'''Gaston''': You've forgotten what it's like to be a woman. I think you need a real man to remind you.
:'''Kyra''': What men? All I see are a pair of miserable toads who work for the bastard Richelieu.
:'''Gaston''': Cardinal Richelieu does the work of God!
:'''Kyra''': Somehow I doubt God spends much of his time in the sewers of France. Tell me, is it true Richelieu has syphilis? Because if so, that's quite an accomplishment for a eunuch. Well, maybe he's not a eunuch, but you know, I hear it's, um... ''(points to the end of her little finger)''
:''[They fight. She wins.]''

----

:''[Flashback to 1640, an inn]''
:''[They are sharing a bed, under strictly honorable circumstances]''
:'''Kyra''': I've never met a Scotsman before. Tell me, are they well armed?
:'''Duncan''': Ah-hem. What exactly do you mean?
:'''Kyra''': I mean their swords, of course. What did you think I meant?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, well, your French toad stabbers, they're fine for some, but they're kind of puny.
:'''Kyra''': You think them small?
:'''Duncan''': Och! They're hardly worth your while. Now a Scotsman's weapon, that's another matter. Once it gets going there's nothing that can stop it.
:'''Kyra''': Really?
:'''Duncan''': Aye. Two hands to hold the thing. I doubt you could even hold it.
:'''Kyra''': Surely you exaggerate.
:'''Duncan''': No, not a wee bit. Come to Scotland and I'll show you.
:'''Kyra''': Scotland?
:'''Duncan''': You dinna think I could bring it in here did you? I mean the bloody thing wouldn't fit through the door.
:'''Kyra''': Oh. Oh, you mean your sword.
:'''Duncan''': A claymore, of course. What did you think I meant?

----

:''[Taunting a bad guy]''
:'''Kyra''': Looking for me? Mine's a .44. Modified. Go right through you. Probably kill your partner too.... Of course, I'm only a girl. Might lose my nerve. Might even miss. ''(BANG)'' But not this time.

----

:'''Duncan''': After the trial, the chief judge was murdered. Albright...
:'''Kyra''': Richard. Richard was his name. Did you ever meet someone truly good, MacLeod? Someone who didn't want money, or power, or, or glory? Somebody beyond temptation and corruption?
:'''Duncan''': You were his bodyguard.
:'''Kyra''': I did a hell of a job, didn't I?
:'''Duncan''': And there's more?
:'''Kyra''': That's how it started. God, I loved him. Richard believed, MacLeod, believed like, like nobody I've ever met before. Justice, compassion. They were his Gods. Being with him was like being inside a warm, bright light. For 10 years, MacLeod. I wanted it never to stop. And then somebody stopped it. Do you know what that feels like?

==Cast==
*[[w:Adrian Paul|Adrian Paul]] — [[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]
*[[w:Stan Kirsch|Stan Kirsch]] — [[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie Ryan]] 
*[[w:Elizabeth Gracen|Elizabeth Gracen]] — [[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]] 
*[[w:Jim Byrnes (actor)|Jim Byrnes]] — [[w:Joe Dawson|Joe Dawson]] 
*[[w:Peter Wingfield|Peter Wingfield]] — [[w:Methos|Methos]] 
*[[w:Phillip Akin|Phillip Akin]] — [[w:Charlie DeSalvo|Charlie DeSalvo]]
*[[w:Lisa Howard|Lisa Howard]] — [[w:Dr. Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Highlander: The Series}}
*{{imdb title|id=0103442|title=Highlander}}


[[Category:Canadian science fiction TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:French TV shows]]
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'''''[[w:Highlander: The Series|Highlander: The Series]]''''' (1992–1998) was an English language fantasy/sci-fi television series featuring [[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]] ([[w:Adrian Paul|Adrian Paul]]), of the Scottish Clan MacLeod, as the Highlander of the title

== Season One ==
*Original narration, read by Adrian Paul: 
''I am Duncan MacLeod, born four hundred years ago in the Highlands of Scotland. I am Immortal and I am not alone. For centuries we've waited for the time of the Gathering, when the stroke of a sword and a fall of a head will release the power of the Quickening. In the end, there can be only one.'' 

*Second narration, for the second half of the First Season (also by Adrian Paul): 
''I was born four hundred years ago in the Highlands of Scotland. I am immortal and I am not alone. Now is the time of the Gathering, when the stroke of a sword will release the power of the Quickening. In the end, there can be only one.''

===Bad Day In Building A [1.07]===
:''(Duncan is telling a little girl a story in a compromised building.)''
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Once there was this place where the faerie-people lived.  It was a beautiful city in those days, surrounded by white walls, and tall stone towers...
:'''Little girl, Belinda''': What were they like?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, they were like regular people, except they lived for a very long time, and they never grew old.
:'''Belinda''': Like Peter Pan!
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, sort of.  Well, the fairies...were handsome, and wise, and very, very clever.  The problem was, as time went on, there were more and more people, and soon the faerie people had to leave this home in the faerie city.  They moved into the mountains, and into the old forests, and in the caves, and in the cliffs, but the other people always found these places, so the faerie people had to move on.
:'''Belinda''': That's sad.  Where do they live now?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, Belinda, they're all around us, and you know what their job is?  It's to protect children, and sometimes tell them stories.
:'''Belinda''': Have you ever met one?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, lots.

===The Sea Witch [1.09]===

:'''Duncan MacLeod''': You have not changed.
:'''Alexey Voshin''': No, did you expected me to?
:'''Duncan''': No, that's why I'm here.

----

:'''Melinda''': He's gonna be ok?
:'''Tessa''': I don't know.

----

:'''Tessa''': I'm going to think about both of you for a long time.

----

:'''Tessa''': Bad money put to good use.

----

:'''Tessa''': I'm going to think about both of you for a long time.

----

:'''Tessa''': I am going to miss you, Melinda, very very much. I'll always remember you.
:'''Melinda''': Promise?
:'''Tessa''': You see, I am going to save you right here. ''(in her heart)''

===See No Evil [1.11]===

:'''Randi McFarland''': ''(to Duncan)'' Surprise, surprise! Another weird murder attempt and you're right here in the middle of it.

----

:'''Randi''': Come on, MacLeod, you were here. Give me a quote.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Those who forget the past are condemned to relive it.

----

:''[She is crying]''
:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': I just keep seeing him in front of me as I ... ''(ran him over with a car)''
:'''Duncan''': You did what you had to.
:'''Tessa''': I thought ridding the world of evil would feel better than this.
:'''Duncan''': I know... I know.

===Eyewitness [1.12]===

:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': Whoa! Damn, check me out, I am one sharp dude!
:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': Even if you do say so yourself.
:'''Richie''': Hey, Tess, I'm just callin em as I see em.

----

:'''Tessa''': I stay with you because I want to! I won't run. I'm not that &quot;little woman&quot;, and I'll never be barefoot and pregnant! We all have things to face. This is mine. I have to see it through.

----

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Tessa, you're stronger than she was. If something happened to me, you'd be fine.
:'''Tessa''': You only think so because it suits you.

----

:'''Tessa''': Duncan, when the time comes, if you ever have to leave me, ''(Duncan groans)'' I won't be like Ann, I'll leave you first.
:'''Duncan''': You do that!
:'''Tessa''': Yeah?
:''[they kiss]''
:'''Duncan''': Yeah! And I'll follow you, wherever you go, for as long as you live.
:'''Tessa''': Mmmm... Then maybe, just maybe, I won't leave.

===Band of Brothers [1.13]===

:'''Grayson''': I shall hunt down your proteges, one by one, until you sicken of it and come out of sanctuary to fight me.
:'''Darius''': Will it please you that much to destroy me?
:'''Grayson''': Immensely. 

----

:'''Darius''': Grayson! You believed in me once.
:'''Grayson''': I didn't change, you did.

----

:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': So what makes this Grayson guy so different from the others?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': He's 1400 years older than I am. He's one of the few ancient Immortals left. He's been a warlord most of that time. You don't just go up to him with your sword and say &quot;Tsst, tsst, tsst! En garde, fool!&quot;.

----

:'''Duncan''': The legend has it that Darius killed a holy man at the gates of Paris, the oldest living Immortal at the time. And suddenly he changed. He turned his back on war.

----

:'''Richie''': Did Darius ever change you?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, I guess he did. I was born of a warrior people. When war came I chose sides like most men. I fought. I killed.

----

:''[Flashback to Waterloo, 1815]''
:'''Darius''': You shouldn't be taking part in this tragedy.
:'''Duncan''': I was raised a warrior. I choose battles I believe to be just.
:'''Darius''': Oh, I'm sure. You're quite loyal to your convictions and compatriots... But I wonder what these ''(dead)'' men think about that, about convictions and compatriotism now?

----

:''[Duncan's thoughts as he prepares for battle]'' 
: Hope doesn't conquer a superior adversary. So why do I hope to beat Grayson? Why do I think that a good life will protect me from an evil one? What power can I draw from this thing, this hope?

----

:'''Victor Paulus''': You've saved my life again. Why are you... who are you?
:'''Duncan''': I'm a friend of Darius.
:'''Victor''': You didn't learn this ''(fighting)'' from Darius.
:'''Duncan''': I wasn't much of a student.

----

:'''Darius''': I wasn't always a priest, you know. When I was a young man the first thing you had to do when introduced to a woman was compliment her father's horse. ''(Richie looks doubtful)'' Well, that probably doesn't help you.

----

:'''Duncan''': It's a good job, huh?
:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': Great job.
:'''Duncan''': Great. I like being kept.
:'''Tessa''': Kept?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, I mean, hang out on the barge, catch up on my reading, while you bring home the bacon.
:'''Tessa''': Barge, what barge?
:'''Duncan''': Oh I forgot to tell you about the barge. No self-respecting museum curator would live anywhere else.
:'''Tessa''': So I slave away all day while you sunbathe on a barge. Is that it?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, but just think of how ... rested I'll be. He he he...

===For Evil's Sake [1.14]===

:''[Flashback to about 1800]''
:'''Baron Deshields''': Absinthe?
:'''Kuyler''': From the Luchessi family. None better in the whole of France.
:'''Deshields''': No, thank you. Madness and death are not things to which I aspire.
:'''Kuyler''': Who wants to live forever?

----

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Do you have any, uh, any absinthe?
:'''storekeeper''': It is against the law to sell absinthe.
:'''Duncan''': ''(displays money)'' Well, uh, to connoissuers... ''(more money)'' true men of discretion... ''(more money)'' such things can be made unimportant.
:'''shopkeeper''': I wish I could help you.
:'''Duncan''': Me too... ''(more money)''
:'''shopkeeper''': Who sent you here?
:'''Duncan''': A friend whose tastes I share.

----

:'''Kuyler''': Incidentally, I owe you an apology. Anthony was very sloppy. I killed him for you.
:'''Duncan''': You're mad, Kuyler.
:'''Kuyler''': Maybe. Maybe I'm just trying to excel at what I do. Didn't you ever want to be the best at something?
:'''Duncan''': Murder means nothing to you?
:'''Kuyler''': On the contrary, it means everything.

----

:'''Kuyler''': Do you know how many Mortals I've killed over the years?
:'''Duncan''': I'm sure you do.
:'''Kuyler''': I've kept a book. 2760. Now I don't just think I'm bragging, but, I'm the greatest assassin in all of history. Of course, there have been men responsible for more deaths, but none of them killed so many, so close.
:'''Duncan''': I don't think there are going to be any more entries in your book.

===For Tomorrow We Die [1.15]===

:'''[[w:Darius (Highlander)|Darius]]''': Why are you here?
:'''[[w:Xavier St. Cloud|Xavier St. Cloud]]''': I've come to confess. Same as everyone else. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
:'''Darius''': I will not hear this.
:'''Xavier''': You are a priest, and I am a sinner. Isn't that how it goes? Or have you reinvented the position?
:'''Darius''': Why do this? It means nothing to you.
:'''Xavier''': Because it means everything to you.

----

:'''Dalou''': Parisians don't mind a little larceny now and then. If it's done with ingenuity, no one gets hurt.

----

:'''Inspector LeBrun''': If this man kills again because you're holding out on me, I will personally have your head.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Well I think your gonna have to wait in line.

----

:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': Mac, you ever had it bad for an older woman?
:'''Duncan''': Well, the situation hasn't come up recently.

----

:'''Xavier''': I'm just trying to earn a few francs. After all, a man's gotta live.
:'''Duncan''': Not necessarily.
:''[They fight]''

===Saving Grace [1.17]===

:'''[[w:Darius (Highlander)|Darius]]''': War in the abstract is a great intellectual puzzle, but in reality it's all blood and tears.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Then why make it into a game?
:'''Darius''': To deny what I was is to deny what I am.

----

:'''Grace Chandel''': God, I get so tired of it sometimes. We go on and everything around us dies.

----

:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': Do you still love her?
:'''Duncan''': No.
:'''Tessa''': That's all that needs to be said. She's your friend, and she's been hurt. You'll help her. I'd expect you to do no less.

----

:'''Grace''': The truth is, you and I were too different.
:'''Duncan''': Maybe if I'd stayed.
:'''Grace''': You would've been unhappy. So I let you go. My wandering knight, charging off to right all the wrongs of the world.

----

:''[At her husband's grave]''
:'''Grace''': You'd think I'd learn how to handle this, wouldn't you. The strange thing is, every time it happens I tell myself I won't go through it again. I swear to myself I won't fall in love with a mortal. As if love were something you had any control over. You and Mac have something good. I envy you.
:'''Tessa''': Grace, about you and Mac...
:'''Grace''': We had a moment, that was all. Though I wanted it to be more. Please don't hold it against me.
:'''Tessa''': It's funny, but I don't. It would take me several lifetimes to find out everything in Duncan's past. I know there have been others. But I never thought I would meet one of them. And here you are.

===The Lady and the Tiger [1.18]===

:'''[[w:Tessa Noël|Tessa Noël]]''': You don't look like someone who would worry much about forgiveness.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': Tess, you do know that they all carry ''big'' swords with them. Just a thought.
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': You've always had a taste for beautiful and spirited women, Duncan.
:'''Tessa''': And modest. Don't forget modest.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Time to go. It's been thrilling.
:'''Amanda''': It's been 65 years. A girl might think you're trying to avoid her.
:'''Duncan''': Now how could you think that? Goodbye, Amanda.

----

:''[She sent him to prison, now he's escaped and has her helpless]''
:'''Zachary Blaine''': Do you know what I missed most... was the feeling of a good, old fashioned Quickening. SShhhh!!
:'''Amanda''': Wait!
:'''Zachary''': No, after what you did to me, you can't come up with a reason good enough.
:'''Amanda''': I can give you ten million reasons, in American dollars.
:'''Zachary''': Funny, you'd think that would be enough. ''(prepares to kill her)''
:'''Amanda''': I can give you the head of Duncan MacLeod!

----

:'''Amanda''': I gave up my life of crime, Duncan.
:'''Duncan''': That's what you said in Constantinople, 250 years ago.
:'''Amanda''': I succumbed to an impulse.
:'''Duncan''': I was nearly flayed alive when they came looking for you.
:'''Amanda''': But you got away. You always do.

----

:'''Tessa''': After all she's done to you, why do you care whether she's happy or not?
:'''Duncan''': I don't know, Tessa. She made me laugh when there weren't too many things to laugh about. Maybe that doesn't seem important, but those are the things I remember of her.
:'''Tessa''': She makes me feel like I have to compete with her. Maybe if I'd been a lady pirate or something....
:'''Duncan''': whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Richie, give us a moment, would you?
:'''Richie''': I was just leaving. ''[He leaves]''
:'''Duncan''': Hey, listen to me young lady, she's no competition. Hmmm?
:''[They kiss]''

----

:'''Zachary''': Why try to save her, MacLeod? She's betrayed you before.
:'''Duncan''': At least I'm smart enough to stay out of jail.
:''[They fight]''

== Season Two ==
*Third narration, read by actor [[w:Jim Byrnes|Jim Byrnes]]: 
''He is immortal, born in the Highlands of Scotland four hundred years ago. He is not alone. There are others like him, some good, some evil. For centuries he has battled the forces of Darkness, with Holy Ground his only refuge. He cannot die, unless you take his head and with it, his power. In the end there can be only one. He is Duncan MacLeod, the Highlander.''

===An Eye For an Eye [2.5]===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': She ''(Tessa)'' was part of our lives, Richie. Never pretend she wasn't.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': I don't! I keep waking up every morning...
:'''Duncan''': ...expecting her to be there. Get used to it, it won't be the last time it happens to you.
:'''Richie''': When does this start getting easier?
:'''Duncan''': It doesn't.

----

:'''Richie''': I keep waiting to feel different. Like someone's going to tell me how to be, what to do.
:'''Duncan''': What were you expecting, a set of instructions?

----

:''[Flashback to Ireland, 1920]''
:'''Annie Devlin''': Why don't you stay? It will be a beautiful war.
:'''Duncan''': War is never beautiful, Annie. Leave with me. This will never end.
:'''Annie''': It will when we win. Or when there's no one left alive to fight.

----

:''[Referring to his fight with Annie]''
:'''Richie''': I could have killed her, Mac. I mean, that's what I'm supposed to do, right?
:'''Duncan''': Sometimes.
:'''Richie''': I couldn't do it. I thought I could, but I couldn't. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this.
:'''Duncan''': You're still who you are, Richie. You don't change when you become Immortal, you just live longer. Hopefully.
:'''Richie''': Oh, boy, I'd say I got a lot to learn.
:'''Duncan''': You still have time.
:''[Duncan presents Richie with a sword]''
:'''Duncan''': Take good care of it. Live with it. Make it part of you. Might be the only friend you have.

===The Zone [2.6]===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': You know, there's a problem with thinking the strongest can take what they want.
:'''Caanan''': Yeah, what's that?
:'''Duncan''': There's always somebody stronger. 

===The Return of Amanda [2.7]===

:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': You know, you won't ''let'' me change. You really expect me to steal, don't you?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': I expect sharks to bite, too. Don't take it personally.

----

:'''Amanda''': I really do like you, Duncan. Let's just play house for 70 or 80 years.

----

:'''Duncan''': Who were those guys?
:'''Amanda''': I swear on my mother's grave...
:'''Duncan''': You don't have a mother.

----

:'''Amanda''': Why won't you believe me? I've never seen those guys before in my life.
:'''Duncan''': Funny, they seemed to know you.

----

:''[Amanda wants to know why Duncan is smiling]''
:'''Duncan''': Why can't I just smile? I'm happy, we're safe for now, I've just made love to the most devious, scheming, deceitful... beautiful woman in history.
:'''Amanda''': Do you really think I'm one of the most beautiful women in history?

----

:'''Amanda''': I told you, I'm not a thief any more.
:'''Duncan''': So you turned to counterfeiting instead?
:'''Amanda''': Well, I ran out of money, what else am I supposed to do?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, a job is out of the question.
:'''Amanda''': Would you get serious, MacLeod.

----

:'''Duncan''': Wait, wait, counterfeiting and honesty, they go well together, right?
:'''Amanda''': Don't be so picky, my heart was in the right place.

===Run for your Life [2.09]===
:'''Carl''': Maybe it's just time for old Carl to move on, man.
:'''Duncan''': And do what?
:'''Carl''': Hey, I'll get by. You just take care of yourself.
:'''Duncan''': You still don't get it, do you?! You are an immortal. You have something other people will never have: time, and the ability to make the difference. No, listen to me, man! Listen to me! You can do whatever you want, be whatever you want! You can live the dream. Most people grow old and die before they can do that.
---------
:'''Carter''': Hello, Carl. Nice to see you again.
:'''Carl''': ''[Stands up]'' What do you want?
:'''Carter''': I'm gonna kill you. Forever.
:'''Carl''': Wow, man. I don't even know you. ''[Carter walks closer to him]'' What was this all about? I didn't do nothing.
:'''Carter''': You live.
:'''Ken''': ''[Pointing a gun at Carter]'' Put it down, Carter.
:'''Carter''': Get outta here, kid.
:'''Ken''': Why?
:'''Carter''': Just get the hell outta here!
:'''Ken''': I can't. What's this all about?
:'''Carl''': ''(To Ken)'' He doesn't want any witnesses for the execution.
:'''Carter''': He's wanted for murder.
:'''Ken''': Who's murder? Huh? I checked him at Arizona.
:'''Carter''': You don't know what the hell these people are. ''[Duncan climbing the ladder]''
:'''Ken''': Shut them down.
:'''Carter''': He doesn't deserve to live.
''[Duncan continuing climbing the ladder]''
:'''Ken''': Please. Put it down.
:'''Carter''': You're over your head, Kenny. Trust me, you don't understand what's going on here.
:'''Ken''': I understand enough to know what attempted murder looks like. ''[Duncan climbs slowly to sneak]''
:'''Carter''': What? Are you gonna shoot me, rookie?
:'''Ken''': If I have to?
:'''Carter''': I don't think so. ''[Duncan shoves him and Ken shots him down to death while he screamed from the dock to the water]''

===Under Color of Authority [2.12]===

:'''Mako''': I always thought that you were a man that respected the law.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': I like to see justice done.

----

:'''Duncan''': A man can't always live by the law.
:'''Mako''': A man cannot live any other way.

----

:'''Mako''': I have been a lawman for almost 600 years. Even before I was Immortal. I have seen cities burned, I have seen children slaughtered. Law is what separates us from the beast. When we leave it, we leave a hole with no bottom.

----

:'''Laura''': You don't exactly trust me, much, now do you?
:'''Duncan''': I don't know you.
:'''Laura''': So you don't believe me.
:'''Duncan''': No, I believe that you're frightened, and I believe that you're running from something. I'm just not sure what.

----

:'''Duncan''': When you're young and you care about someone, you think with your heart. You don't see clearly.
:'''Laura''': I don't know why you're so worried about Richie. I mean, you act like you're his father or something.
:'''Duncan''': I'm not his father, Laura, but he is like family to me.

----

:'''Mako''': I'm looking for a girl.
:'''Duncan''': Try working on your personality.

----

:'''Duncan''': Richie, where is this going from here? What happens if you are out on the road and a cop recognizes her? What are you going to do, kill him? How far is this going to go, Richie?
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': I don't know, Mac, I don't know! All I know is, I gotta help her, Mac. Mac, she needs me.

===Legacy [2.19]===

:[''John is mortal. Rebecca is not.'']
:'''John''': Promise me something. You will leave me before I get too old.
:'''Rebecca''': You are in a good mood today!
:'''John''': Well, I'm serious. Listen, Rebecca, you deserve a younger man.
:'''Rebecca''': I have a younger man. I have what I want.
:'''John''': There's two things...
:'''Rebecca''': John, you are the love of my life. You're the love of a dozen lifetimes. I don't care if you are 23, or 53, or 103. I am never going to leave you. Ever.

----

:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': MacLeod, do you ever wonder what it is like to die?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Every time.
:'''Amanda''': That's not what I meant.
:'''Duncan''': I know, you meant really die. Be gone forever.
:'''Amanda''': So you do think about it.
:'''Duncan''': Not for myself. Not any more. Whatever happens, happens.
:'''Amanda''': I don't know. The longer I live the more I get attached to myself.
:'''Duncan''': Sooner or later everyone dies. Even us.
:'''Amanda''': I don't mind the later, it's the sooner part I don't like.

----

:[''Flashback to 1635'']
:'''Amanda''': Why take a man's head when you can have his gold?
:'''Rebecca''': Amanda!
:'''Amanda''': What? You taught me to be clever.
:'''Rebecca''': I also taught you to be honest.
:'''Amanda''': Ah yes, I forget that part.

----

:'''Amanda''': Hmmmm. Breakfast in bed. You better watch it, MacLeod. They say this is how love starts.

----

:'''Duncan''': Was the crystal really worth Rebecca's life?
:'''Luther''': It's worth any amount of lives.
:'''Duncan''': Whoever has the crystal becomes invincible. Is that it?
:'''Luther''': So you know.
:'''Duncan''': It's a myth, Luther. A story told by bored people around campfires.

----

:'''Amanda''': You stuck your nose in without being asked, the least you could do is say you're sorry.
:'''Duncan''': What, for saving your life?
:'''Amanda''': Oh don't change the subject!

== Season Three ==
===The Samurai [3.1]===
:'''[[w:Charlie DeSalvo|Charlie DeSalvo]]''': You got a visitor.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': But I'm not even here yet. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Walk out that door and you won't know if this is the right place or not.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': I've gotta go to Japan.
:'''Charlie''': Japan?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, you know. Land of the Rising Sun. Hai!
:'''Charlie''': You just got back!
:'''Duncan''': That was Paris. It's a different continent.
:'''Charlie''': Very funny, MacLeod.
:'''Duncan''': I'll give you the air miles.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': How long have you been gone?
:'''Duncan''': Six months.
:'''Charlie''': Yeah right, so for six months, everything is quiet. I don't even get a hangnail. And all of a sudden you show up and I'm fighting to save my teeth.
:'''Duncan''': Don't thank me all at once, Charlie.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Sometimes it's not the body you have to protect... it's the spirit.

----

:[''Flashback to Japan, 1778'']
:'''Duncan''': But there must be some other way! We can get a boat and leave Japan...
:'''Hideo Koto''': I could no more run than I could fly. Koto is a noble Samurai name... a name I have been honored to borrow. To dishonor it for all who follow me would be unthinkable.

===Line of Fire [3.2]===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''':  Let me know when you've found the formula.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': The formula?
:'''Duncan''': For getting in shape without training.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

''[Richie believes he has a son]''
:'''Duncan''': Immortals can't have children.
:'''Richie''': Exactly Mac, this happened before I became an immortal.
:'''Duncan''': That's not the way it works.
:'''Richie''': Maybe I'm the first.
:'''Duncan''': I wish it could happen. But it's not in the cards. We don't get to live happily ever after. Children aren't part of our lives...it can't happen.
:'''Richie''': It just did.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Father Matthew''': Ah, Paris... The city of my youth. I was there in '72. What a summer. ''[remembering]'' All those women, all that wine... Of course, that was before I entered the priesthood.
:'''Duncan''' and '''Richie''': Of course. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Richie''': I didn't know if I'd find you alive. What the hell happened?
:'''Duncan''': I lived.
:'''Richie''': Very funny. And the other guy?
:'''Duncan''': He lived too. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

''[In Joe's bar]''
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': Hey MacLeod, what do you think? Is it me?
:'''Duncan''': The truth? I'd say it's a little out of character.
:'''Joe''': You know, I wasn't born in a museum. In fact, I'm kinda tired of hanging around old antiques like you. Look at me, I'm growing old.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Richie enters the dojo covered with grunge and tomatoes]''
:'''Duncan''': I think you need some oil and vinegar.
:'''Richie''': I'm lucky I didn't need a funeral.

===The Revolutionary [3.3]===
:'''[[w:Dr. Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]''': ''[to Paul Karros]'' You can be St. Francis of Assisi... and I still would not let you to turn my hospital into a zoo.''[to Reporters]'' Now ladies and gentlemen, it's a bit early for Happy Hour so please go!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Anne''': I said everybody.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Oh, you mean me?
:'''Anne''': Unless you're the one with the special dispensation from the Pope.
:'''Duncan''': Must've left it in my other pants.
:'''Anne''': We have a wonderful hearing specialist upstairs, you want a referral?
:'''Duncan''': Pardon?
:'''Anne''': Forget it. Get out, go!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Charlie DeSalvo|Charlie DeSalvo]]''': ''[to MacLeod]'' It's funny. This time I'm the one leaving with the girl, and you're stuck here running the dojo.


===The Cross of St. Antoine [3.4]===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Joe, I want you to meet Amanda. Amanda... Joe Dawson.  
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''' The Amanda..? You know, I've heard an awful lot about you.
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': I'll bet you have. I hear you're one of those guys who likes to watch. 
:'''Joe''': It's clinical. For history. We don't get involved.
:'''Amanda''': Well, tell me... Do you watch us do... everything? 
:'''Joe''': Only the things I can't get arrested for.
:'''Amanda''': ''[to MacLeod]'' I like this guy.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Amanda''': I've lived a long time, Joe. What goes around comes around. 
:'''Joe''': You really believe that's true?
:'''Amanda''': I believe it should be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': ''[to Thorne]'' Murdering a priest is an interesting way to find religion.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': I need you to help me break into the museum.
:'''Amanda''': You want me to WHAT?! I knew you were up to something. For three hundred years you've been telling me to go legit. Now that I'm straight, you want me to steal.
:'''Duncan''': You hate your job.
:'''Amanda''': That's not the point.
:'''Duncan''': In a good cause.
:'''Amanda''': Don't you look at me like that. No, I'm retired. You wouldn't ask an alcoholic to take a drink for a good cause.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Joe's taking a revolver from a drawer]''
:'''Duncan''': You can't kill him with that, Joe.
:'''Joe''': I know, but I can sure as hell slow him down until I can.
:'''Duncan''': You won't get close enough to use it. Let me do this... For both of us.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

[''Joe's bar, Dawson is up on the stage, singing the blues. Duncan and Amanda stand in the shadows, watching and listening'']
:'''Amanda''': Did you know he could do that?
:'''Duncan''': No. [''with irony''] You know, It's funny. The man knows more about me than anyone else alive, yet I hardly know anything about him..
:'''Amanda''': God, to sing like that...he must have had a helluva life.
:'''Duncan''': Probably...
:'''Amanda''': You want to ask him about it?
:'''Duncan''': No... when he's ready, he'll tell me.

===Rite of Passage [3.5]===
:'''Michelle Webster''': Whoa, hold up, time out! That was the morgue. I was in the morgue!
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Keep your voice down. 
:'''Michelle''': Why?
:'''Duncan''': Because we are sneaking out of here!
:'''Michelle''': No, I mean, why was I in there?
:'''Duncan''': Don't worry, you're not dead.
:'''Michelle''': Oh, gee, thanks. That explains it.

----

:'''Michelle''': You mean I'm never going to turn nineteen?
:'''Duncan''': But you might get to see a thousand.

----

:'''Michelle''': You do know I've always had a thing for you. Since the first time I laid eyes on you.
:'''Duncan''': You were eleven years old!
:'''Michelle''': I matured early.

----

:'''Michelle''': Oh, so is that what you guys do? Run around chopping each other's heads off?
:'''Duncan''': Until there's only one of us left alive.
:'''Michelle''': I don't think so.
:'''Duncan''': Michelle, I'm not your father and this isn't a fairy tale! Now you either learn the Game, or you die.

----

:'''Michelle''': You know, Duncan, you really have a gift for taking the fun out of eternal life.
:'''Duncan''': It'll get better.
:'''Michelle''': I sure hope so.
:'''Duncan''': No, I mean your... outlook.
:'''Michelle''': Oops. Almost slipped. You were gonna say &quot;attitude&quot;.
:'''Michelle''': You know what, Duncan? That is &quot;Dad speak&quot;. And you're pretty lousy at that too.

===Obsession [3.8]===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': This doesn't make any sense, Richie, he's supposed to be getting married.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': Not unless it's a shotgun wedding. I'm telling you, Mac, she didn't want anything to do with him.

----

:'''Richie''': Mac, you don't understand, one minute the guy was there, and the next, boom, he's trying to take my head. And he wasn't kidding around. I mean, that girl came in, and he just freaked. He totally lost it. Now what the hell is this all about?

----

:'''Jill''': We were happy. Everything seemed so perfect. Then one day I came home and he said &quot;Honey, come here, I have something to show you.&quot; And then he took a knife, and he .... ''[she can't say it]''
:'''Duncan''': Then he healed.
:'''Jill''': He said I had to know... and I wish he'd never told me.
:'''Duncan''': He loves you. He had to tell you.
:'''Jill''': Mr. MacLeod, I have a picture of how I want my life to be. Kids, grandkids... a family. It may sound stupid, but it's what I see.
:'''Richie''': So you called it off.
:'''Jill''': But he won't let me. And he won't leave me alone. He nearly beat a guy to death just for talking to me.

----

:'''[[w:Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]''': This is ridiculous. I'm calling the police.
:'''Duncan''': Anne, don't.
:'''Anne''': It is the only way, Duncan. You think talking is going to stop this guy? If you think that, spend a Saturday night in the emergency ward with me. These guys do not stop until someone's dead.

===Methos [3.16] ===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Joe? What's up? 
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': You've got trouble.
:'''Duncan''': How come you never call with good news? 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Come on, Joe. Methos doesn't exist.He's a legend... like Adam and Eve. The oldest Immortal. 
:'''Joe''': Oh, he exists all right. 
:'''Duncan''': Are you telling me you've seen him? 
:'''Joe''': Me? No. He's an elusive guy. Have to be, to live as long as he has. An Immortal so old he doesn't remember the time of his birth.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Five thousand years. 
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Yeah, give or take. And that was when I took my first head. Before that, it all starts to blur.
:'''Duncan''': I guess it would. So, after all this time, have You... ?
:'''Methos''': Made any sense of it all? Found any purpose? 
:'''Duncan''': You read minds, too?
:'''Methos''': No. It's what I'd ask if I'd just met me.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Duncan''': Somehow I thought you'd be...
:'''Methos''': Deeper? Wiser? Bearded? 
:'''Duncan''': I didn't really think you existed.
:'''Methos''': Ah, it's good to be a myth. 
:'''Duncan''': Yeah, no one hunts for a myth. Or a Watcher.
:'''Methos''': What better place to hide? I'm in charge of finding myself...and I make sure it never happens. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Methos''': You think I'd still be around if I was an easy mark? 
:'''Duncan''': When was the last time you faced anyone?
:'''Methos''': What are we? [''checking his watch''] Sixth of March, uh, two hundred years. Hey, I may be a bit rusty but I'm still here.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Methos''': You think I wanna die? Do you think it's easy after thousands of years?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Duncan''': So after five thousand years, your only solution is that I kill you?
:'''Methos''': He can beat me. He might beat you. He can't beat both of US.
:'''Duncan''': If it's that simple, why don't you take my head?
:'''Methos''': 'Cause it's not just a matter of who is the best fighter. It is about passion and hate. I don't have the fire. You do. You want Kalas. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Methos''': Live, Highlander. Grow stronger...fight another day.


===Take Back The Night [3.17]===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': You've killed two already. How much is enough?
:'''Ceirdwyn''': There were five of them.
:'''Duncan''': This isn't the answer.
:'''Ceirdwyn''': A body for a body. A head for a head. Since the dawn of time. It's no different now.
:'''Duncan''': Revenge does nothing, Ceirdwyn... nothing.

----

:[''Speaking to her husband's grave'']
:'''Ceirdwyn''': I did what I had to do... But you'd think, after all this time, I would have learned... Death is always death. And when someone's gone, nothing can bring them back. Not pain, not rage... not revenge.

----

:[''About her dead (mortal) husband'']
:'''Duncan''': You going to be OK?
:'''Ceirdywn''': No, not for a long time... I'm not going to forget him, you know? But it was worth it. For the fifteen years we had together, I'll trade fifteen years of pain. I'd trade a hundred!
:'''Duncan''': But what about the price they pay? No family, living in secrecy... waiting for the night you go out and you never come back. Maybe we're not supposed to be with them.
:'''Ceirdwyn''': They're not children, MacLeod. They make their own decisions. Steven knew what I was, and he chose to be with me.

===Testimony [3.18]===
:''[Anne examines a Scottish broadsword]''
:'''[[w:Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]''': You fought the battle of Culloden with this? That was in 1746.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': I know, it's hard to accept. I thought coming here might help. That was a gift from Bonnie Prince Charlie. I claimed it after he died.

----

:'''Anne''': It's like a fairy tale, with swords and people living forever.
:'''Duncan''': Not always.
:'''Anne''': That's right, the heads. Do you really have to do that?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah.

----

:'''Anne''': Duncan, I've seen death. And I'm not afraid of it. Whatever happens, I want us to be together.
:'''Duncan''': Your whole life will never be the same.
:'''Anne''': My whole life has not been the same since the day I met you. I tried it with you. I've tried it without you. I'll take it with you any day.

----

:'''Kristov''': I'll kill you in a second, boy. Leave while you've still got your head.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': There's only one thing I hate more than being called a &quot;boy&quot;. And that's your stupid paintings.
:''[They fight]''

----

:'''Richie''': I'd kiss you, but people might talk.
:'''Duncan''': They might.

----

:'''Anne''': So, is this the way it's always going to be?
:'''Duncan''': I don't know. I can't see into the future. Can you live with it?
:'''Anne''': I don't know. But I'd really like to try.

===Finale, Part One [3.21] ===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Amanda? 
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': Gotta hand it to you, MacLeod...You've got a memory like an elephant.
:'''Duncan''': Amanda, what are you doing here? Besides making a fashion statement.
:'''Amanda''': You like it?... I'm making you dinner...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Duncan''': Come on, Amanda, give. What do you really want?
:'''Amanda''': Just to make you happy.
:'''Duncan''': Why?
:'''Amanda''': So you won't kill me when I tell you what happened.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Duncan''': What the hell are you doing here?
:'''Amanda''': Came to hear some jazz.
:'''Duncan''': Jazz.
:'''Amanda''': You know, American music. Miles, Coltrane, Wynton...[''off his look''] Alright, I was looking for you. [''his look doesn't change''] Alright, I was looking for Kalas! You know you can really be irritating sometimes?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': That went well. What the hell were you thinking of?
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': I wasn't thinking, I was improvising.
:'''Joe''': By cutting yourself open? And it took you five thousand years to figure that out. 
:'''Methos''': You're disappointed in me, aren't you? Gimme a break. What were you expecting? Einstein? Freud? Buddha? 
:'''Joe''': Forget it. 
:'''Methos''': Sorry, Joe. I'm just a guy.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Amanda''': It's morning. I'm tired. It's hopeless. We'll never find him. Our only lead back to Kalas and you had to kill him.
:'''Duncan''': I told you, I didn't kill him. He fell.
:'''Amanda''': On his gun?
:'''Duncan''': Yes!
:'''Amanda''': And it went off just like that.
:'''Duncan''': Just like that.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Methos''': Well. Life as we know it is over.

===Finale, Part Two [3.22] ===
[''Looking down from the Eiffel Tower'']
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': Remember when Gustave Eiffel built this thing?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': World's Fair, 1889. Half the people thought it would ruin Paris forever. There were fist-fights all along the Champs Elysees. 
:'''Amanda''': Now you can't imagine Paris without it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

[''About going to see the editor of the Tribune'']
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': I've got a lot to offer. Five thousand years of history, Joe...I was there.
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': History's been written. People have been known to kill the messenger who waltzes in with a new version of the truth.
:'''Methos''': Why would I tell the truth?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
[''On the outer railing of the Eiffel Tower'']
:'''Amanda''': C'mon, MacLeod... Haven't you ever wanted to do something really crazy?
:'''Duncan''': Amanda, be careful. We don't fly.
:'''Amanda''': Have you ever tried? Relax. Whatever happens, I'll survive.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''[[w:Antonius Kalas|Kalas]]''': MacLeod. It seems you're always a day late and a dollar short. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
[''After Macleod lets Kalas go'']
:'''Amanda''': You should have killed him. You had him... I can't believe you let him go!
:'''Duncan''': It's not that simple, Amanda...
:'''Amanda''': I'll tell you what's simple. Dead is simple.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Methos''': I was in Rome once. 93 A.D., the Coliseum... I saw Christians facing the lions. Some of them looked almost happy to die for their faith.
:'''Duncan''': Your point? Or are you just strolling down Memory Lane here?
:'''Methos''': But afterwards, the only ones looking happy were the lions
:'''Duncan''': This isn't about faith.
:'''Methos''': No, it's about sacrifice. It's a helluva thing to be a martyr, MacLeod... And that's exactly what Kalas wants. He's pushing all your buttons.
:'''Duncan''': Well, I'm open to suggestions. Enlighten me.
:'''Methos''': Maybe Amanda's right. You fight your best fight.
:'''Duncan''': ''[sarcastic]'' What? Every man for himself and to hell with the rest?
:'''Methos''': So what if the world finds out? Life's about change. Civilizations rise and fall.
:'''Duncan''': This isn't about civilization, this is about people! Amanda, Dawson, Richie... Our world isn't an ant farm.
:'''Methos''': ''[with a touch of admiration and humor]'' The passion of youth.
:'''Duncan''': ''[with a sense of humor]'' Boys will be boys.
:'''Methos''': And every cloud has a silver lining. 
:'''Duncan''': What do you mean?
:'''Methos''': If you die, Amanda will be free to date.
:'''Duncan''': That's a comfort.

== Season Four ==
*Fourth and final version of the narration (also by Jim Byrnes): 
''He is Duncan MacLeod, the Highlander. Born in 1592 in the Highlands of Scotland and he is still alive. He is immortal. For four hundred years he's been a warrior, a lover, a wanderer, constantly facing other Immortals in a combat to the death. The winner takes his enemy's head and with it, his power. I'm a Watcher, part of the secret society of men and women who observe and record, but never interfere. We know the truth about Immortals. In the end there can be only one. May it be Duncan MacLeod, The Highlander.''

===Homeland [4.1] ===

:''[At his parents' graves]''
:'''Rachel MacLeod''': I'm Rachel MacLeod, and those are my ancestors you're standing on.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Well, mine too, I'm Duncan MacLeod.
:'''Rachel''': Another one. Let me guess, you're here to find you Highland roots.
:'''Duncan''': I didn't know I'd lost them.

----

:'''Rachel''': Och, if it isn't the clansman. What can I get you? Haggis? Maybe a kilt?
:'''Duncan''': An ale would do just fine. Are the people of Glenfinnan always this friendly?
:'''Rachel''': We're friendly enough, just careful of strangers.
:'''Duncan''': Really. And since when is a MacLeod a stranger in Glenfinnan?

----

:'''Duncan''': All this for an ax?!
:'''Kanwulf''': An ax? An ax made by the Gods, MacLeod. Used by Loki and Thor themselves.
:'''Duncan''': You can't still believe that.
:'''Kanwulf''': As much as they believe in their pale Christ.

----

:''[At night. Duncan takes his father's sword down from the wall]''
:'''Rachel''': He came back from the dead, claimed his father's sword, killed the Viking, and stopped the slaughter.
:'''Duncan''': That's the legend, Rachel.
:'''Rachel''': The bracelet. Now this. If I asked you to explain, would it make any sense?
:''[Duncan is silent]''
:'''Rachel''': Duncan MacLeod.... maybe some legends are true.
:'''Duncan''': Maybe.

----

:''[Rachel is waiting when he returns the sword]''
:'''Duncan''': It's over.
:'''Rachel''': I knew you'd be back. The legend. That seems to belong in your hand.
:'''Duncan''': No, it belongs in Glenfinnan. This is it's home.
:''[She kisses him]''
:'''Rachel''': Your's too, Duncan MacLeod.

===Reunion [4.6] ===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Anne, you all right?
:'''[[w:Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]''': Yeah, I'm fine.
:'''Duncan''': Is the baby OK?
:'''Anne''': Yeah, the baby's... learning to tap-dance I think.
:'''Duncan''': Somebody told me that there was an emergency.
:'''Anne''': Well, yeah, it's your cousin. ''(Duncan looks blank)'' The one from Wisconsin.
:'''Duncan''': Kenny's here?
:'''Anne''': Yeah, he's in the chapel. I was gonna call security, but I thought, what am I gonna tell them, I've got this kid who could live forever but he's only safe in churches?

----

:''[Duncan walks through a minefield]''
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': When you think of me, when you, you know, if you ever had to describe me to someone else, would you think of me as a nurturing person?
:'''Duncan''': ''(long pause)'' Definitely. Is that it?
:'''Amanda''': No! I want you to be honest, OK?
:'''Duncan''': How honest?
:'''Amanda''': Honest. I mean, tell me the truth, don't think about hurting my feelings.
:'''Duncan''': OK, then, no. Nurturing is not the first thing that comes to mind when I think of you.
:'''Amanda''': Oh, I don't think you know me very well.
:'''Duncan''': Amanda, you're beautiful, you're smart, and you're a lot of fun. Nurturing's in there... it's just not high on the list.
:'''Amanda''': Well, do you think that I would have made a good mother?
:'''Duncan''': Absolutely.
:'''Amanda''': Really? I mean, because I could take it if you don't think that, you know, I have it in me.
:'''Duncan''': You would have made a wonderful mother.
:'''Amanda''': Really?

----

:''[Amanda touches Anne's belly]''
:'''Amanda''': Wow... so what's it like?
:'''Anne''': Oh, like all the cliches. Carrying a watermelon, walking like a duck. And this is the easy part. The tough part comes when she gets here.
:'''Amanda''': Are you scared?
:'''Anne''': Terrified. You know, I'm a single mother, I work crazy shifts and weird hours. She's gonna need me, and the ER's gonna need me, and I haven't figured out how I'm going to make it all work yet.
:'''Amanda''': You know what? I think your going to do great.

===Chivalry [4.10] ===

:''[Flashback to 1659]''
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Hey, you, in the coach, you carry a sword, why don't you use it?
:'''Kristin Gilles''': I could use it now, but then I could not do this. ''(Kisses Duncan)''

----

:'''Duncan''': Immortality definitely has an upside. Think about it, in 400 years you might be racing starships instead of Harleys.
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': You think things are going to change that much?
:'''Duncan''': Well, Richie, when I was a kid, the fastest way to travel was by horse, and if you wanted to fly, you had to be a bird.

----

:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': MacLeod-san, that katana is a lovely piece of art. May I? I washed my hands this morning.
:''[MacLeod hands it over]''
:'''Methos''': Ahhh! Quite a blade.
:''[Methos puts blade to Duncan's neck]'' 
:'''Duncan''': Not funny, Methos.
:'''Methos''': Not meant to be. Not only are you naive, now you are weaponless. How have you lived this long? Do you know how many Immortals she's killed? Want a list?
:'''Duncan''': All right, you've made your point.
:'''Methos''': Have I? One day she is going to kill you.
:'''Duncan''': She's tried already.
:'''Methos''': You're better with a blade than her, yes. You are stronger than her, yes. But if you keep letting her walk away, one day she gets lucky, and takes your head. Yes!
:'''Duncan''': Oh, I don't know, maybe she'll start to gloat like you. 
:''[Duncan knocks Methos down and escapes]''
:'''Duncan''': You wanna play?
:'''Methos''': Great, you knock me on my bum because I make a bad joke. Very macho. But you keep letting her walk away, without even taking a shot, that is very suicidal.
:'''Duncan''': You know what she was to me.
:'''Methos''': Yes, and I know what she is. A killer. You treat her like one.

----

:'''Methos''': A couple of medieval songwriters come up with the idea of chivalry one rainy day...
:'''Duncan''': This isn't about chivalry!
:'''Methos''': ...and you embrace it as a lifestyle. You live and die by a code of honor that was trendy when you were a kid.
:'''Duncan''': Would you rather that I had no code of honor at all?
:'''Methos''': I would rather you survived. You put that first.

----

:''[Duncan disarms Kristin but cannot kill her]''
:'''Methos''': Pick it up.
:'''Kristin''': Who the hell are you?
:'''Methos''': A man who was born long before the age of chivalry. Pick it up.
:''[They fight]''

===Timeless [4.11] ===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': You really are a spoiled brat.
:'''Claudia Jardine''': I was a spoiled brat when we first met, but now... I'm a genius.
:'''Duncan''': Silly me, I forgot. ''(hands her a glass)'' Here. It's not poisoned, although I'm tempted.
:'''Claudia''': You know, just because you think you own me doesn't mean you can tell me how to live my life.
:'''Duncan''': I don't think I own you.
:'''Claudia''': Oh yes you do. If you hadn't paid for Juilliard, the Paris Conservatory, I would probably be stuck in some crummy lounge in Las Vegas doing my one millionth rendition of Proud Mary.
:'''Duncan''': Is this a thank you I'm hearing?
:'''Claudia''': I thank you by being brilliant.
:'''Duncan''': She said modestly.

----

:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Excuse me, if I sat at a table, would you be my waitress?
:'''Alexa Bond''': ''(to Joe)'' Is he a good tipper?
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe Dawson]]''': No.
:'''Alexa''': Well. Too bad. Makes up for it in cute, though.
:'''Methos''': Cute. I can do cute.

----

:'''Methos''': I'm, uh, Adam Pierson.
:'''Alexa''': Where are you from?
:'''Methos''': Umm...
:'''Alexa''': Your accent. Your not from here.
:'''Methos''': No, I've traveled a lot.
:'''Alexa''': Really?!?! Paris?
:'''Methos''': Paris is too full of Parisians. Even the French don't like Paris.
:'''Alexa''': Venice?
:'''Methos''': Venice, the smell alone would kill you.
:'''Alexa''': A little young to be so cynical, aren't you?
:'''Methos''': Well, if you say so.
:'''Alexa''': I just did. ''(leaves)''
:'''Methos''': What did I say?
:'''Joe''': Ah, forget it, Alexa's not your type, OK?

----

:''[Discussing Claudia]''
:'''Methos''': How long have you known her?
:'''Duncan''': Since she was 14. She was living with a foster family. Pretty poor, and intimidated that they had a prodigy in their midst.
:'''Methos''': And does she know...
:'''Duncan''': That she's one of us? Doesn't have a clue.

----

:''[Walter has been trying to kill her]''
:'''Duncan''': You're completely insane!
:'''Walter''': It makes so much sense, MacLeod! Don't read something diabolical into it.
:'''Duncan''': Immortality is not a game of tag. You can't say &quot;you're it!&quot; or &quot;you're it!&quot;. It's not for us to decide when a mortal life is over.
:'''Walter''': But I must. If she doesn't die, now, at the pinnacle of her genius, it could be lost forever.
:'''Duncan''': You don't know that!
:'''Walter''': Ooh, Shakespeare. I found my purpose, MacLeod. Imagine, Claudia Jardine's talent living on through the ages... under my loving guidance.
:'''Duncan''': Walter, get a life!
:'''Walter''': Don't you see, she'll thank me. She will always be young, and beautiful, and passionate...
:'''Duncan''': ...and what happens when her fans see that she's not getting any older?

----

:'''Alexa''': Well... either you like to drink or you're crazy about the blues.
:'''Methos''': No, I was waiting for you... I see I leave you speechless, this is an excellent start.
:'''Alexa''': A start to what?
:'''Methos''': To... Dinner, a film, a concert, a smile, a sunset, a walk, all of the above, whatever you would like...
:'''Alexa''': Do women really fall for that line?
:'''Methos''': I have no idea, I've never used it before.
:'''Alexa''': .... Why do you want to go out with me?
:'''Methos''': Because the alternative is unthinkable.

----

:'''Alexa''': I'm dying. You see, don't you? We can't go out tomorrow.
:'''Methos''': Absolutely. We'd better make it tonight.

----

:'''Methos''': Where's Alexa? We have a date.
:'''Joe''': She called in sick.
:'''Methos''': Where does she live?
:'''Joe''': Adam, she doesn't want to see you, OK? Just leave her alone.
:'''Methos''': Joe, I didn't ask for your opinion. I know she's dying, OK. You are all dying. 20 years, 6 months, what's the difference?
:'''Joe''': She's protecting herself. She's protecting you, don't you get it?
:'''Methos''': Yes, I get it! Now tell me where she lives.

===Methuselah's Gift [4.16] ===

:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Amanda, you've lived for over a thousand years, how many times have you seen real magic?
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': MacLeod, I was an illiterate thief starving on the street before Rebecca found me and made me her student. This is all I have left of her. Magic or not, no-one's gonna take this from me!

----

:'''Duncan''': There is no way Methos sent those men, not a chance!
:'''Amanda''': Why not? It's perfect. It's wily, it's devious, it's... just like him.

----

:'''Duncan''': Why are you doing this? You've lived this long without it, why do you need it now?
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Alexa... she's in hospital in Geneva, she doesn't have long.
:'''Duncan''': You knew it had to be this way.
:'''Methos''': Yeah, from the first moment I saw her. Is, is that supposed to make it easier? Is that supposed to make it OK?

----

:'''Methos''': You understand nothing. Three weeks ago, we were standing on a beach on Santorini, watching the sun rise on the Mediterranean. Now she is lying in a hospital in Switzerland breathing through a tube! ... You think it takes courage to do what we do? Face another Immortal with a sword, knowing only one of you will live? You try being her! You try living one year, knowing that your time is running out. Knowing that when it comes to the final fight, however much you train, whatever tricks you have, you still lose! That's the way it is for them. So little time for them to see anything or do anything.

----

:'''Methos''': My flight back to Geneva leaves at 10. She'll never know how close I came.
:'''Duncan''': She'll know how much you love her.
:'''Methos''': As much as I can for as long as she lives.

===The Immortal Cimoli [4.17] ===

:''[At the circus]''
:'''[[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]]''': How can you not be excited, MacLeod? Just the smell of sawdust, popcorn and cotton candy. This makes me feel like a kid! Oh, isn't it exciting! I mean the sights, the sounds, the carnies!
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': The wonderful smell of wet fur. Low pay, rotten hours, sleeping in trucks.

----

:'''Danny Cimoli''': Sorry, no more autographs, I've got a monster headache.
:'''Duncan''': I don't want an autograph, and that's not a headache. We need to talk about who you are.
:'''Danny''': ''(laughs)'' Like the poster says, I'm The Immortal Cimoli!
:'''Duncan''': Ah, the Immortal Cimoli!
:'''Amanda''': He's got that part figured out.
:'''Duncan''': Listen to me. That headache that you got, all of us get it. It's how we know another one of us is around.
:'''Danny''': Ah... look, Mister, I don't know what you're talking about...
:'''Duncan''': ... you died recently, a robbery or an accident or something? But you didn't stay dead, did you?
:'''Danny''': How did you know?
:'''Duncan''': Because it happened to me. Four hundred years ago.
:'''Amanda''': We should talk.

----

:'''Danny''': Ever since the truck hit me, I've thought, this can't last, one day it's going to end, bang, I won't get up. But if it lasts forever, I can do any trick. Anything, and I wont die! I'll be bigger than Houdini.
:'''Duncan''': Sit down. Sit down! This isn't some trick for some magic act!

----

:''[They are in bed together]''
:'''Amanda''': MacLeod, you awake? What are you thinking about?
:'''Duncan''': Umm, Danny.
:'''Amanda''': Must be losing my touch.
:'''Duncan''': No, you're not losing your touch!
:''[They snuggle]''
:'''Duncan''': What are you thinking about?
:'''Amanda''': Moscow.
:'''Duncan''': I must be losing my touch.

----

:'''Danny''': The hell with the Rules, and the hell with the Game. I want out.
:'''Amanda''': Sorry, Danny, but that's not an option.

----

:'''Duncan''': Houdini was a friend of mine, and you, Danny, are no Houdini.

===Till Death [4.20] ===

:''[Flashback to 1696]''
:'''Robert''': Well, well, well, what have we here, mice in the parlor. And Immortal mice at that.
:'''[[w:Hugh Fitzcairn|Hugh Fitzcairn]]''': I told you there was another way in. Didn't I tell you?
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]''': Be quiet! I'd be careful who I called a mouse, especially if I was a rat.
:'''Robert''': ''(gazing at Gina)'' If you're a thief, I've never seen a comlier one.
:'''Duncan''': You're the thief, we're just protecting her assets.
:'''Robert''': And they are wonderful assets.
:'''Fitzcairn''': If you please sir! A gentleman does not address a lady in that manner! I'll have his head!
:'''Duncan''': Ah, don't be ridiculous. You being dead would probably put her off her appetite.

----

:''[Flashback to 1696]''
:'''Fitzcairn''': La-la, la-la-la-la-la!
:'''Duncan''': You know, when I heard that voice I said to myself, &quot;That must be Fitzcairn - either that or a dog in heat.&quot;

----

:''[At Robert and Gina's wedding (1696)]''
:'''Fitzcairn''': You realize, none of this would have happened if she had come to the opera with me that night.
:'''Duncan''': No, she would have seen you for the raving lunatic you are and she would have been with me.
:'''Fitzcairn''': I should have asked her to marry me while I still had the chance.
:'''Duncan''': You, married? You couldn't stay faithful to a woman for what, more than one hour?
:'''Fitzcairn''': Well I would have given it a fair try.

----

:'''Gina''': Maybe we are not meant to spend three centuries together. I mean, who mates for life? Swans? Geese? Lobster?

----

:'''Duncan''': Don't you want to see Robert and Gina live happily ever after?
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Yeah, but I want to see me live happily ever after even more.

----

:'''Methos''': I knew it, I knew it! Getting between a married couple. It's a rule I haven't broken for two thousand years. I knew this would happen.
:'''Duncan''': She'll cool off, I'm just telling you to be careful, that's all.
:'''Methos''': Great, so I lose my head after five thousand years so that you can play marriage guidance counselor. I must have been out of my mind!

== Season Five ==
===Prophecy [5.1] ===
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': Honey, I'm home. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': So how did you find me? Witchcraft?
:'''[[w:Cassandra (Highlander)|Cassandra ]]''': Why bother? It's the twentieth century. I used a detective agency.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Like you said, this is the twentieth century. I left prophecies behind with the witches and the fairies.
:'''Cassandra ''': Duncan, listen to me. The prophecy tells of a Highland foundling born on the winter solstice who passes through darkness into light and survives to challenge the voice of death.
:'''Duncan''': Really? Is this before or after I slay the dragon?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Roland Kantos arrives, points his sword at Duncan]''
:'''Duncan''': I guess he doesn't like me.
:'''Cassandra ''': We've got to leave, now! ''[Duncan starts walking towards Roland]'' What are you doing?
:'''Duncan''': I guess asking him to dance is out of the question.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roland''': The signs for the prophecy are all in place. You're all that stands in my way. Or don't you believe in signs?
:'''Duncan''': Oh no I believe in signs. Don't litter, don't step on the grass, no spitting.
:'''Roland''': I prefer rest in peace.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Power or no power, this is holy ground, he can't harm us here.
:'''Cassandra ''': And none of us can avoid our fate. &quot;An evil one will come to vanquish all before him. Only a Highland child, born on the winter solstice, who has seen both darkness and light, can stop him. A child and a man.&quot;
:'''Duncan''': We make our own destinies. Nothing is written.


===The End of Innocence [5.2] ===
''[To Joe]''
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': I'm an Immortal, you're a Watcher. We can't cross that line. How many times do we have to be taught that?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie]]''': That's the way it is, isn't it? -- get them before they get you. I've been practicing. Next time you pull a sword on me, it won't be so easy.
:'''Duncan''': Richie, I'd like to take back what happened, but I can't. But what you're doing is wrong and you know that, don't you?
:'''Richie''': Thanks for the tip. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': I know who I am. I've been a Watcher for more than twenty-five years. It's as much a part of me as your clan MacLeod is to you. 
:'''Duncan''': Then for once, keep your vow. Don't interfere.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': What good is philosophy in a fight?
:'''Graham Ashe''': We fight to stay alive -- don't forget to live. Imagine what you can see in a thousand years. Imagine what you can do. It's all there for us, Duncan, because we are blessed. Blessed beyond reason with the gift of eternal life. And every year brings something new -- a new vintage, a new fighting move... or a new pattern of flowers on an Italian hillside. Open your eyes and see it. Cherish it

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Richie''': Look Mac, if the bail comes with a lecture I'd just as soon wait it out in a cell. 
:'''Duncan''': The guy who's after you. Haresh Clay. 
:'''Richie''': What about him? 
:'''Duncan''': I've met him once before.
:'''Richie''': Then how come you're both still alive?
 &lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': You're out of the Watchers?
:'''Joe''': Maybe it's too late... or maybe it's about time. Like Mrs. Wischnoff used to say in my old neighbourhood -- Meit ein tuchas can Meir nisht danzen a tsvai hossannas.
:'''Duncan''': Yeah - With one ass, a man can't dance at two weddings.
:'''Joe''': You know you were right. I couldn't be both your Watcher and your friend.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': For thousands of years Immortals have fought and Watchers have observed. One day, there will only be one of us left. And some day maybe none at all. Somebody has to record that we've lived. Somebody has to record the history we've seen and the lessons we've learned.


===Manhunt [5.3] ===
:'''Detective Frayne''': You're the serial killer guy?
:'''Matthew McCormick''': Among other things. The &quot;serial killer guy&quot; will do.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Matthew McCormick''': ''[referring to a slinky]'' You know what I like about these? If you had enough stairs, they'd just go on forever.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': Unless they're stopped.
:'''Matthew McCormick''': Kinda like us.
:'''Duncan''': No, just like us. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Carl Robinson (Highlander)|Carl]]''': It's freezin' in there.
:'''Duncan''': Well yeah, It's the morgue. At least you're still fresh.
:'''Carl''': You know, you're real funny, MacLeod. Hey, who picked out these clothes anyway? Your mother?
:'''Duncan''': ''[to Matthew]'' You should have killed him.

===The Valkyrie [5.10] ===

:'''Inspector Breslaw''': Are you a writer of fiction, Mr. MacLeod? ''(No)'' ... That's a shame. Possessed of such an imagination, it seems a shame to squander your talents on my humble self.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': If I could help you, Inspector, I would.
:'''Breslaw''': Would you? Let's review, shall we? You just happen to be here when they are setting up for the Wilkinson speech.
:'''Duncan''': No, I was here the day before for a boxing match, and I was...
:'''Breslaw''': ...A woman you have never seen before has a gun. You take the gun away from her. Then she screams you have a gun, and runs away leaving you holding the weapon. Do I understand correctly so far?
:'''Duncan''': I know how it sounds...

----

:'''Duncan''': So what Breslaw was saying about the murders was true?
:'''Ingrid''': They weren't murders. They were assassinations. There's a difference.
:'''Duncan''': The end result is the same.
:'''Ingrid''': Yes, but some people deserve to die. That's the difference.

----

:'''Duncan''': You mind telling me what you find funny about this?
:'''[[w:Methos|Methos]]''': Not exactly funny, but pretty entertaining, yeah.
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe Dawson]]''': Just what is so entertaining?
:'''Methos''': MacLeod tussling with another of his moral dilemmas.
:'''Duncan''': You know there are times I really don't like you.
:'''Methos''': That's OK, sometimes I don't like myself.
:'''Joe''': I see. Ingrid Henning.
:'''Methos''': Hey, ask Joe about her.
:'''Duncan''': I don't have to ask Joe about her. I know about her. She failed to kill Hitler in '44 and she's been making up for it ever since.

----

:'''Methos''': It is the ultimate in arrogance to think that one person can alter the course of history.
:'''Duncan''': You can't deny that by killing Hitler in '44, thousands of lives would have been saved, maybe millions.
:'''Methos''': Yeah, and if you'd killed him in '43 like Rommel wanted, maybe Germany would have won the war. ... History makes men, MacLeod, men don't make history.

----

:'''Breslaw''': What is she to you? A lover? A relation, perhaps? Or just an old friend? Old friends are the worst. They claim more of your soul.
:'''Duncan''': I don't agree with what Ingrid's done.
:'''Breslaw''': But part of you understands it, yes?

----

:'''Breslaw''': Your lawyer is here, and since I'm not going to charge you, goodbye.
:'''Duncan''': My lawyer? This I've got to see.
:'''Methos''': Officers... Well, that worked pretty well.
:'''Duncan''': Since when are you my attorney?
:'''Methos''': Whatever you need. Lawyer, doctor, Indian chief, I've got paperwork to cover it all.

----

:''[He shot Ingrid. They are getting drunk.]''
:'''Breslaw''': Never gets any easier ... the killing I mean.
:'''Duncan''': Maybe it's not supposed to.
:'''Breslaw''': Maybe if I die a little tonight ... it will even things out between me and God.
:'''Duncan''': I hear Wilkinson's speech is back on for tomorrow night.
:'''Breslaw''': This time he is on his own. When I was a little boy everything was black and white, good and evil, you see. Then I grew up and discovered that there was only gray. I'm sorry I had to kill your friend.
:'''Duncan''': The Ingrid I knew I'll never forget. But the one you killed, I don't even know who she was. You did what you had to do.
:'''Breslaw''': But was I right? If this fascist scum Wilkinson becomes your President in the next 5 or 10 years, how am I going to sleep at night?
:'''Duncan''': I would have made the same choice.

----

:'''Duncan''': Ingrid asked me something before she died.
:'''Methos''': They usually do.
:'''Duncan''': She said, what was the difference between her killing them and me killing her.
:'''Methos''': Good question, right up there with chicken and egg.
:'''Duncan''': So what you're saying is there is no answer?
:'''Methos''': No, there is an answer. But the real question is whether you're ready for it. ''(Duncan nods)'' Stephanovitch killed, and Ingrid judged him. Wilkinson killed, and Ingrid judged him. Ingrid killed, and you judged her.
:'''Duncan''': So who judges me?
:'''Methos''': ''(long pause)'' You hungry?

== Season Six ==
===Avatar [6.1] ===
''[At Richie's grave. The headstone reads RICHIE RYAN -- 22 YEARS -- FRIEND]''
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': I guess it's just you and me Richie. I can't believe it's been a year already. I wish I could tell you why this happened. That it all makes sense now...But I can't. I'm sorry. 
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': He knows why. 
:'''Joe''': Well, welcome back.
:'''Duncan''': I'm glad you stayed in Paris.
:'''Joe''': Somebody had to. ''[pause]'' I buried him with his sword. I didn't know what else to put on the headstone... It seemed right.
:'''Duncan''': 'Friend' is good. Because that's what he was.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Duncan''': When Richie died, I wanted to die. But I realized that if his death was to mean anything, I had to survive... I had to understand what happened. I had to believe what happened. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Joe''': But how to we beat something with the power of life and death?
:'''Duncan''': Because we have to, Joe. Because there is no one else.
:'''Joe''': What the hell.
:'''Duncan''': Exactly.

===Armageddon [6.2] ===
''[Ahriman disguised as Horton; referring to a snake]''
:'''[[w:James Horton|Horton]]''': Somewhat theatrical, I agree. A thousand years ago it would have been enough to have caused a panic in the streets.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': What do you want?
:'''Horton''': But this is the scientific age. People don't believe in demons and devils anymore. And maybe that's my best trick yet. ''[on laptop screen]'' All that technology...So much useless information... It's almost a sin to want to know so much.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Duncan''': We went back to the archives. The symbol turned up in the writings of an ancient German mystic. To him it was a force of hate that could only be defeated by love.
:'''[[w:Joe Dawson|Joe]]''': Fine for Gandhi. But what about us? What else did he say?
:'''Duncan''': Nothing. Seems he died before he could finish his memoirs.
:'''Joe''': That's great. So what do we do, sit and contemplate our navels while the world goes to hell?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Game's over. Your time is up.
:'''Ahriman''': No gun. No sword. How are you going to fight me? Are you going to huff and puff and blow my house down?
:'''Duncan''': I become one with everything. I become one with you. 
:'''Ahriman''': Too bad you didn't think of that before you killed Richie.
:'''Duncan''': I become everything. Therefore I become nothing.
:'''Ahriman''': C'mon, be a man. I dare you!
:'''Duncan''': Therefore you are nothing. Without my anger, you have no substance. Without my pride, you have no form. Without my hate... you - have - no - being.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Evil exist in all of us, Joe. When we deny that, we give evil power. Ahriman said it himself. His greatest trick was to convince the world he didn't exist. But, he does, he exists in all of us. Once I accepted that, I was able to defeat him.


===Sins of the Father [6.3] ===
:'''Alex Raven''': MacLeod, you're like a bad penny.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alex Raven''': We've gotta stop meeting like this.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': Then you've gotta stop trying to blow up my friends.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': So there is no Russian Mafia.
:'''Grant''': Sure there is...somewhere.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': We rewrite our history all the time because we have to. We rationalize our cruelty. So we can look in the mirror and face ourselves.

===Two of Hearts [6.10] ===

:'''Kate''': Have you ever heard of the Kama Sutra?
:'''Nick''': Yeah, you read it?
:'''Kate''': Read it? I modeled for the drawings.

----

:'''Nick''': Who is he?
:'''Kate''': You don't need to know.
:'''Nick''': Who is he, Kate?
:'''Kate''': His name is Bartholemew.
:'''Nick''': Wait, let me guess. You've been searching for him for a zillion years and now that you've found him, your gonna have to kill him. How am I doing here?
:'''Kate''': Don't do that.
:'''Nick''': What?
:'''Kate''': Piss on something you don't understand.

----

:'''Nick''': I say we get a line on the money first.
:'''Kate''': No, I don't want his money, I want his head.
:'''Nick''': That's very big of you. I wonder if that's what the kids want. You know, the one's he stealing from.
:'''Kate''': I hate you.
:'''Nick''': That money could feed a lot of babies. But, if you want to kill him, kill him.
:'''Kate''': I really hate you.

----

:'''Kate''': Look, I'm sorry I'm Immortal, Nick, there's nothing I can do about it.
:'''Nick''': Now you're getting irrational.
:'''Kate''': Tell me it doesn't drive you crazy, that I can't die and you can.
:'''Nick''': I don't believe this! I mean, first you lie to me, and then when things don't work out you lay this on me.
:'''Kate''': Look, you knew what I was when we met. You know the Game, you know the Rules.
:'''Nick''': And you know me, Kate. Am I the type of guy whose going to sit on his ass and let you walk off and maybe get whacked? Tell me Kate, is that who you ever thought I was?
:'''Kate''': No.
:'''Nick''': How the hell did we happen?
:'''Kate''': I didn't know we were going to happen. I didn't know I was going to fall in love with you. Nick, the part of my life that has to do with being Immortal has nothing to do with you. It can't.
:'''Nick''': Katherine, I'm either in your life, all of it, or I'm gone.

===Patient Number 7 [6.5] ===

:'''Kyra''': Why should I trust you? Give me a reason, give me one good reason.
:'''[[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan]]''': Because there is no one else.

----

:''[Flashback to 1640, a tavern]''
:'''Gaston''': You've forgotten what it's like to be a woman. I think you need a real man to remind you.
:'''Kyra''': What men? All I see are a pair of miserable toads who work for the bastard Richelieu.
:'''Gaston''': Cardinal Richelieu does the work of God!
:'''Kyra''': Somehow I doubt God spends much of his time in the sewers of France. Tell me, is it true Richelieu has syphilis? Because if so, that's quite an accomplishment for a eunuch. Well, maybe he's not a eunuch, but you know, I hear it's, um... ''(points to the end of her little finger)''
:''[They fight. She wins.]''

----

:''[Flashback to 1640, an inn]''
:''[They are sharing a bed, under strictly honorable circumstances]''
:'''Kyra''': I've never met a Scotsman before. Tell me, are they well armed?
:'''Duncan''': Ah-hem. What exactly do you mean?
:'''Kyra''': I mean their swords, of course. What did you think I meant?
:'''Duncan''': Oh, well, your French toad stabbers, they're fine for some, but they're kind of puny.
:'''Kyra''': You think them small?
:'''Duncan''': Och! They're hardly worth your while. Now a Scotsman's weapon, that's another matter. Once it gets going there's nothing that can stop it.
:'''Kyra''': Really?
:'''Duncan''': Aye. Two hands to hold the thing. I doubt you could even hold it.
:'''Kyra''': Surely you exaggerate.
:'''Duncan''': No, not a wee bit. Come to Scotland and I'll show you.
:'''Kyra''': Scotland?
:'''Duncan''': You dinna think I could bring it in here did you? I mean the bloody thing wouldn't fit through the door.
:'''Kyra''': Oh. Oh, you mean your sword.
:'''Duncan''': A claymore, of course. What did you think I meant?

----

:''[Taunting a bad guy]''
:'''Kyra''': Looking for me? Mine's a .44. Modified. Go right through you. Probably kill your partner too.... Of course, I'm only a girl. Might lose my nerve. Might even miss. ''(BANG)'' But not this time.

----

:'''Duncan''': After the trial, the chief judge was murdered. Albright...
:'''Kyra''': Richard. Richard was his name. Did you ever meet someone truly good, MacLeod? Someone who didn't want money, or power, or, or glory? Somebody beyond temptation and corruption?
:'''Duncan''': You were his bodyguard.
:'''Kyra''': I did a hell of a job, didn't I?
:'''Duncan''': And there's more?
:'''Kyra''': That's how it started. God, I loved him. Richard believed, MacLeod, believed like, like nobody I've ever met before. Justice, compassion. They were his Gods. Being with him was like being inside a warm, bright light. For 10 years, MacLeod. I wanted it never to stop. And then somebody stopped it. Do you know what that feels like?

==Cast==
*[[w:Adrian Paul|Adrian Paul]] — [[w:Duncan MacLeod|Duncan MacLeod]]
*[[w:Stan Kirsch|Stan Kirsch]] — [[w:Richie Ryan (Highlander)|Richie Ryan]] 
*[[w:Elizabeth Gracen|Elizabeth Gracen]] — [[w:Amanda (Highlander)|Amanda]] 
*[[w:Jim Byrnes (actor)|Jim Byrnes]] — [[w:Joe Dawson|Joe Dawson]] 
*[[w:Peter Wingfield|Peter Wingfield]] — [[w:Methos|Methos]] 
*[[w:Phillip Akin|Phillip Akin]] — [[w:Charlie DeSalvo|Charlie DeSalvo]]
*[[w:Lisa Howard|Lisa Howard]] — [[w:Dr. Anne Lindsey|Anne Lindsey]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Highlander: The Series}}
*{{imdb title|id=0103442|title=Highlander}}


[[Category:Canadian science fiction TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:French TV shows]]
[[Category:Fantasy TV shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>An American Tail</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>63857</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963165</id>
      <parentid>3877871</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T17:48:42Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Hhrlan23</username>
        <id>3222540</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <origin>3963165</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="14636" sha1="lo7t1r3rfoa36xwas7l74au21hh6ymf" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:An American Tail|An American Tail]]''''' is a 1986 American [[w:Animated film|animated]] [[w:Musical film|musical]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure film]] produced by [[Steven Spielberg]]'s Amblin Entertainment, and directed by [[w:Don Bluth|Don Bluth]], centering on a mouse who struggles to reunite with his family after being separated on their voyage to America.

:''Directed by [[w:Don Bluth|Don Bluth]]. Written by [[w:Judy Freudberg|Judy Freudberg]] and [[w:Tony Geiss|Tony Geiss]].''

{{center|'''Meet Fievel. In his search to find his family, he discovered America.'''}}

==Fievel Mousekewitz==
* Papa!
* But there are no cats in America. What are you all afraid of? Cats, cats, cats, cats. Papa told me. Everyone knows it. There are no cats.
* ''[to Gussie]'' He's not a rat. He's a cat. He's their boss!
* You're right, they don't care! And if they did, they would have found me. Well, if they don't care, I don't care! I don't care if I never see them again.
* I'll never find them again anyway. Never. This is my home now.

==Tiger==
* I'm your guard, Tiger. Don't make any sudden moves, 'cause I'm crafty and I'm quick. I've got the instincts of a cat. What am I saying? I ''am'' a cat!
* You lost your family? Oh, dear. That's terrible. I lost my family, too. Years ago, I mean. ''[sobs]'' Eight brothers. Ten sisters. Three fathers.
* Listen... I like mice- ''[Fievel cries]'' Oh, no. Not like that. You see, I don't eat red meat at all. I'm a vegetarian. Oh, a little fish now and then, but what I really like is a nice piece of... shh... broccoli.
* ''[after Warren fires him]'' Good. I'm glad. I never liked you. And besides, your music stinks!

==Tony Toponi==
* Hey, Filly! I been lookin' all over for ya! ''[chuckles]'' Pardon the expression, but ah, you look like somethin' the cat dragged in. ''[chuckles again]''
* Stick with me, kid. ''[Fievel holds on tightly to Tony's arm]'' Hey, hey, hey! What, are we engaged or something?

==Warren T. Rat==
* Remember what Shakespeare said, and I quote: &quot;Opportunity knocks but...er, but..err... but... but... but once! Taken at the tide, 'twill lead to fortune. If denied, 'twill never return&quot;.
* ''[After his false nose has been shot off by Tony]'' Disregard the nose! What's in a nose? For a nose by any other name would smell as sweet-''[Tony knocks off his false ears]''
* Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, wait a minute! Who are you gonna believe? Me or your own eyes?
* Don't worry, gentlemen, don't worry. There are plenty of mice in Hong Kong.
* Hey, I wonder how you say &quot;trust me&quot; in Chinese.

==Tanya Mousekewitz==
* Papa, why'd they change my name to Tilly?

==Papa Mousekewitz==
* Fievel, this is the last time I take you to America.
* We'll be alright. As long as we're together, we'll be alright.
* Ah, so, Mr. Curious, you've discovered the herring.
* Fievel, you'll get hurt!
* FIEVEL!!!
* My Fievel. I thought I would never see you again.
* My son. Now... you are a mouse.

==Bridget==
* This is America! We have free speech! We can say &quot;cat&quot; here! Cat, cat, cat, and double-cat!
* Wait a minute! Honest John, at Tammany Hall.

==Gussie Mausheimer== 
[Heavy German accent, scarcely says &quot;R&quot; or &quot;L&quot; - spelling is intentional to show the sounds she makes]
* Today was the wowst day evewr. Those cats are kiwwing eveweone. They don't even know the diffewences between wich and power! The wetches.
* As you know, I have dedicated my wife to hewping those who awe wess fowtunate than myself....er, that's evewyone. And now, I need you to hewp me.
* We must have a wawwy. You know, a wawwy. A warge gathewing of mice fow a weason.
* Money is not evewething. I know because I have money, and I have evewething. But what awe they worth without fweedom?
* Wawwen, you'we thwough. Washed up, wuined! Heh... You'ww never get another cent fwom any mouse, anywhere.
* Wewease the secwet weapon!

==Honest John==
* ''[At the wake of Mickey O'Hare - he is rather intoxicated]'' Poor lad. So young. He never had a chance to vote. Well, he'll vote from now on. I'll see to that. ''[Shakily writes Mickey's name on a notebook under &quot;Ghost Votes&quot;]''

==Henri==
* Qu'est-ce que c'est? A little immigrant. Now they are coming by bottle.
* This is just an island at the doorway where I, Henri Le Pigeon, am putting up my [[w:Statue of Liberty|Statue of Liberty]].
* Now, are you ready to go and find your family?
* Never say &quot;never&quot;.

==Dialogue==
:'''Mama''': Fievel, Tanya, will you stop that twirling, twirling? I mean it!
:'''Papa''': But Mama, it's Hanukkah.
:'''Mama''': For you, every night is Hanukkah.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Papa''': For Tanya, a new babushka. Happy Hanukkah.
:'''Tanya''': Oh, Papa, thank you.
:'''Mama''': You have only one parent?
:'''Tanya''': Thank you, Mama.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Warren is playing the violin]''
:'''Warren''': Rats! This nose, this nose keeps getting in the way.
:'''Digit''': You could stop playing.
:'''Warren''': That's funny. I've never known a cockroach with good taste, but I've known plenty that taste... ''[laughs evilly]'' ...good.
:'''Digit''': ''[nervously]'' Heh-heh. Play, play, play!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Henri''': Where is your Papa, your Mama, huh?
:'''Fievel''': I don't know. They were on a boat to America.
:'''Henri''': Then you are in luck, my little immigrant. This is America.
:'''Fievel''': America. But I thought it was bigger.
:'''Henri''': Oh, it is bigger. All of that is also America.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Henri''': I know, my little immigrant. You want to find your family. And you will.
:'''Fievel''': But how? They're so far away, and it's so big. I'll never find them anyway.
:'''Henri''': ''J'me excuse pardonnez'', but did you say never? So young, and you've already lost hope! This is America, the place to find hope. If you give up now, you will never find your family. So never say never.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fievel''': ''[stops in front of other passengers]'' Look Papa, water. Is it the ocean?
:'''Papa''': Yes. Keep walking.
:'''Fievel''': ''[the passenger right behind Fievel ushers him to continue walking, but he stops again]'' Look Papa, smoke. Is the boat on fire?
:'''Papa''': ''[slightly annoyed]'' No no no! Keep walking!
:'''Fievel''': ''[is ushered again by the same passenger; once again, he stops, but this time, he is knocked off the rope, but hangs onto Papa's tail]'' Look Papa, birds! Are they seagulls?
:'''Seagulls''': Keep walking!!
:'''Papa''': ''[pulls Fievel back up onto the rope in front of him with his violin bow]'' Keep walking!
:'''Passengers''' ''[piling through Papa: to Fievel]'' '''KEEP WALKING!!!'''
:'''Fievel''': I just wanted to see.
:'''Papa''': ''[sighs]'' Fievel, this is the last time I take you to America.
:'''Fievel''': ''[looks back and waves]'' Buh-bye!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Henri''': Now, are you ready to go find your family?
:'''Fievel''': Yes!
:'''Henri''': Chantal! Take my little friend to Immigration. You will find your family there. Everyone goes through Immigration. I would take you there myself, but then I would never finish my statue.
:'''Fievel''': ''[amused]'' Henri, you said &quot;never&quot;!
:'''Henri''': Oh, so I did!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fievel''': I'm looking for my family.
:'''Warren''': Hey, you've come to the right fella, kid. I know exactly where they are. Follow me. 
:'''Fievel''': But Henri said I would find them here.
:'''Warren''': Have it your way, kid. But remember what Shakespeare said, and I quote: &quot;Opportunity knocks but... uh, but...”
:'''Digit''': Psst! Once.
:'''Warren''': &quot;... but-but-but once! Taken at the tide, t'will lead to fortune. If denied, t'will never return&quot;.
:'''Fievel''': Do you really know where my family is?
:'''Warren''': Heh-heh. Trust me, kid, trust me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Papa''': Ah, so, Mr. Curious, you've discovered the herring.
:'''Fievel''': Herring? I thought they were fish.
:'''Papa''': ''[laughs]'' But, Fievel, herring are fish.
:'''Fievel''': Really, Papa?
:'''Papa''': Oh, yes. In the ocean, there are many kinds of fish, and herring is one of them.
:'''Fievel''': All kinds?
:'''Papa''': Yes. Tiny fishes, not so tiny fishes, fishes as big as this boat.
:'''Fievel''': Wow! Let's go up and see the fish!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tiger''': I like butterflies with big, golden wings, and blue and green tips.
:'''Fievel''': Me, too!
:'''Tiger''': Yeah? I like Swiss cheese ice cream.
:'''Fievel''': Me, too! Me, too!
:'''Tiger''': You too-too? Hmmmmm. Wait a minute. What's your favorite book?
:'''Fievel''': Uh, ''[[w:The Brothers Karamazov|The Brothers Karamousov]]''.
:'''Tiger''': ''The Brothers...'' ''[laughs]'' I can't believe it! I can't believe it!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mama''': Well, Mr. There-Are-No-''Whats''-In-America? Hmm?
:'''Papa''': Cats. ''[laughs sheepishly]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Digit''': Would you please put out that filthy thing? I'm suffocating down here!
:'''Warren''': You don't like it? Hey, you know you're not the only cockroach in New York City. There are millions of roaches who give their left feet to work for Warren T. Rat.
:'''Digit''': Good! Fire me! I'm fed up with that filthy smoke in this pocket! I've seen kitchen shelves cleaner than this place! Look at my suit!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Warren''': Tiger, how did he get away?!
:'''Tiger''': He overpowered me.
:'''Warren''': You're fired!
:'''Tiger''': Good. I'm glad. I never liked you! And besides, your music stinks!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Papa''': In America, there are mouse holes in every wall.
:'''Mama''': Who says?
:'''Papa, Tanya, and Fievel''': Everyone!
:'''Papa''': In America, there are bread crumbs on every floor.
:'''Mama''': You're talking nonsense!
:'''Papa''': In America, you can say anything you want, but most important, ''[whispers]'' and this I know for a fact, in America, there are no cats.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gussie''': We must have a wawwy.
:'''Honest John''': A wawwy? What's a wawwy?
:'''Gussie''': You know, a wawwy- A warge gathewing of mice for a weason.
:'''Honest John''': Oh, a rally!
:'''Gussie''': That's what I said! A wawwy.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Warren''': Just throw down that kid!
:'''Tony''': Oh, yeah? ''[knocks off Warren's fake nose with his slingshot]'' Bullseye!
:''[the crowd murmurs]''
:'''Warren''': Disregard the nose. What's in a nose? A nose by any other name would smell as sweet-
:''[Tony knocks off Warren's fake ears]''
:'''Crowd''': Great whiskers! He's a cat! ''[other voices]'' Hey! A cat! A cat! Cat!
:'''Warren''': Hey, hey, hey! Wait a minute. Who are you gonna believe? Me or your own eyes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Warren''': If music be the food of love, play on, McDuff, play on.
:'''Digit''': ''[miserably]'' I don't know which is worse, the music or the Shakespeare?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Tiger''': ''[playing cards]'' I got it! I got it! I got it! Rummy!
:'''Moe''': Tiger, for the hundredth time, we're playing poker.
:'''Tiger''': ''[chuckles nervously]'' I knew that. I knew that, but who can concentrate with all that, you know, noise?
:'''Jake''': Hey, Tiger, when the boss plays, it's culture.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:''[Fievel sees Warren's true form from behind the mirror]''
:'''Fievel''': Warren T.!
:'''Warren''': ''[laughs, but sees Fievel and gasps]'' You!
:'''Fievel''': You're not a rat, you're a ''cat!''
:'''Warren''': How'd you get in here? Come here, you little-
:''[he grabs Fievel, but Fievel bites him, pushes the mirror on him, and runs off]''
:'''Warren''': Gentlemen, cat's out of the bag. ''[throws the mirror off him and to the ground]'' Get me that mouse!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fievel''': I want to get out of here.
:'''Tony''': ''[chuckles]'' You and me both.
:'''Fievel''': I have to find my family.
:'''Noodles''': Oh, shut up! Go to sleep.
:'''Pee Wee''': ''[offscreen]'' Pipe down.
:'''Roc''': ''[offscreen]'' Oh, be quiet!
:'''Fievel''': I wish we had that mouse with the long hair. She could drop her hair out the window, and we can all climb down.
:'''Worker''': Sure. Out the window.
:'''Pee Wee''': Oh, fairy tales!
:'''Tony''': Wait a minute. This kid may have something. Tony Toponi's the name. Put her there, eh-
:'''Fievel''': Fievel. Fievel Mousekewitz. 
:'''Tony''': Fievel? Ooh! That name's got to go. Hey, I'll tell you what, though. Filly! 
:'''Fievel''': ''[giggles]'' Filly? 
:'''Tony''': Yeah, fits you perfect. Hey, Filly. You got any idea where your family is? Filly! Filly Mousekewitz! Hey, Filly! Sheesh!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mouse Cop''': We've got to do something about them cats. 
:'''Honest John''': Besides paying Warren T. Rat for no protection.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mama''': Oh, my little boy, back from the dead. America, what a place. 
:'''Papa''': My Fievel. I thought I would never see you again. ''[sniffles]''
:'''Fievel''': Never say &quot;Never&quot;, Papa.
:'''Papa''': Oh! ''[laughs]'' Oh, I nearly forgot. Here, Fievel, your hat. 
:''[he drops the hat back on his son's head; this time, Fievel strains, and moves the hat up with his ears]''
:'''Mama''': Your hat, it fits! 
:'''Papa''': My son! Now, you are a mouse.

==Taglines==
* Meet Fievel. In his search to find his family, he discovered America.

==Cast==
* [[w:Phillip Glasser|Phillip Glasser]] - Fievel Mousekewitz (voice) 
* [[w:Dom DeLuise|Dom DeLuise]] - Tiger (voice) 
* [[w:Nehemiah Persoff|Nehemiah Persoff]] - Papa Mousekewitz (voice) 
* [[w:Erica Yohn|Erica Yohn]] - Mama Mousekewitz (voice) 
* [[w:Amy Green|Amy Green]] - Tanya Mousekewitz (voice) 
* [[w:John Finnegan (actor)|John Finnegan]] - Warren T. Rat (voice) 
* [[w:Pat Musick|Pat Musick]] - Tony Toponi (voice) 
* [[w:Cathianne Blore|Cathianne Blore]] - Bridget (voice) 
* [[w:Neil Ross|Neil Ross]] - Honest John (voice) 
* [[w:Madeline Kahn|Madeline Kahn]] - Gussie Mausheimer (voice) 
* [[w:Will Ryan|Will Ryan]] - Digit (voice) 
* [[w:Christopher Plummer|Christopher Plummer]] - Henri (voice) 
* [[w:Hal Smith (actor)|Hal Smith]] - Moe (voice)

==See also==
* ''[[An American Tail: Fievel Goes West]]''
* ''An American Tail: The Treasure of Manhattan Island''
* ''An American Tail: The Mystery of the Night Monster''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0090633}}

{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:American Tail, An}}
[[Category:1986 animated films]]
[[Category:1986 American animated films]]
[[Category:1980s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:Films about mice]]
[[Category:Films directed by Don Bluth]]
[[Category:Animated films about talking animals]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Europe]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Germany]]
[[Category:Animated films set in New York City]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The 99p Challenge</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>71895</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963157</id>
      <parentid>2621592</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T17:39:30Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Philip Cross</username>
        <id>7192</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* The 99p Challenge Series 3, Episode 1 */ link</comment>
      <origin>3963157</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="14901" sha1="fid7l9hpnxc0dc821w79alaiu7xcox8" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The 99p Challenge|The 99p Challenge]]''''' was a [[w:BBC Radio 4|BBC Radio 4]] spoof panel show that ran for five series, from 1998 to 2004, hosted by [[w:Sue Perkins|Sue Perkins]]. It was closely based on a similar panel show called ''King Stupid'' that ran for one series in 1998, which was hosted by [[w:William Vandyck|William Vandyck]]. The shows writers were Kevin Cecil, Andy Riley, Jon Holmes and Tony Roche.

== ''King Stupid'' Episode 1 ==
:'''[[w:William Vandyck|William Vandyck]]''': Welcome to ''King Stupid'', the only show on Radio 4 that started 20 seconds ago. It's the comedy panel game that's known in Spain as ''El King Stupid'', known in Japan as ''Teenage Fighting Robot Shape-changer Atari Schoolgirl Panel Game'' and known in Germany as ''Answer All Questions Immediately''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''William Vandyck''': So we can get to know a bit more about your tastes and aspirations, tell me, if you were an international baddie, where would you hide your secret base?&lt;br /&gt;
:'''[[w:Peter Baynham|Peter Baynham]]''': I think I'd have my secret base in Pontypridd in South Wales, because I think it would give a much needed boost to the local economy. I could employ ex-miners to be my henchmen and presumably there'd be some sort of news report on BBC Wales. ''[speaks Welsh, then in Welsh accent]'' &quot;massive missile pointed at America.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;
:'''William Vandyck''': Right. And if you had a tank full of deadly animals to drop people in what animals would you have?&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Peter Baynham:''' Poisonous cows, without a doubt.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''William Vandyck''': Simon, where would you hide your secret base, and what's in the tank?&lt;br /&gt;
:'''[[w:Simon Pegg|Simon Pegg]]''': I'd have it in the Cotswolds. I'd disguise it as a massive cottage, about a mile high.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''William Vandyck''': And what's in your tank Simon?&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Simon Pegg''': I think I'd have to go for cats, William, because they can also be used as pets and they're nice, I like cats.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''William Vandyck''': &quot;Deadly&quot; was obviously the word you didn't hear there.&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''William Vandyck''': Sue, where would you hide your base and what would you put in the tank?&lt;br /&gt;
:'''[[w:Sue Perkins|Sue Perkins]]''': I wouldn't have to hide my base, I'd just build it in Croydon. The thing about people from Croydon is that you can build anything wherever you like and they don't tend to take a lot of notice. In terms of animals I would have to say gerbils, a lady gerbil and a boy gerbil, and over a period of time they would breed, so that eventually the whole tank would be full of writhing gerbils and eventually two baby ones would make it up your nose and you'd suffocate. And I've thought about that quite a lot.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''William Vandyck''': If you were a baddie, where would you hide your base, and what goes in the tank?&lt;br /&gt;
:'''[[w:Dave Green|Dave Green]]''': I think I'd hide my base in my lower intestine and visit it using the miniaturisation technology that as an evil genius I would have invented. And obviously then intruders would be naturally repelled by my body's defenses like phagocytes and white blood cells.&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

'''Rhyming Couplets'''

:'''William Vandyck''': In the first round I'd like you to make up rhyming couplets in order to remember important dates and facts, par example, &quot;In fourteen-hundred and ninety two Columbus, sailed the ocean blue&quot;, or &quot;In nineteen hundred and ninety seven, there were thirty two articles by Bernard Levin&quot;. Okay, you can confer, but bear in mind that you're competing against each other, so duh!&lt;br /&gt;

:'''Peter Baynham''': In nineteen-hundred and ninety nine, the makers of ''Space 1999'' are going to look pretty bloody stupid.&lt;br /&gt;

:'''Simon Pegg''': In fourteen-hundred and ninety two a lot of other things happened as well although we don't get to know about that which just goes to show that history is a construct devised of disparate, supposedly significant events designed to bolster the rigidity of the current dominant system, that being capitalism, doodely doodely doo.&lt;br /&gt;

:'''Dave Green''': For every year as long as I can remember, Christmas has been at the end of December.&lt;br /&gt;

:'''Peter Baynham''': In six they'd never heard of twix.&lt;br /&gt;

:'''Sue Perkins''': In sixteen Jesus got his first BA Honours in carpentry.&lt;br /&gt;

:'''Peter Baynham''': In nineteen hundred and ninety four, Jeffrey Archer did not give money to a whore.&lt;br /&gt;

:'''Simon Pegg''': In nineteen hundred and eighty six I lost my virginity, hooray.&lt;br /&gt;

:'''Sue Perkins''': Around about, I can't be specific so please don't write in, around about thirteen twenty eight, a horse managed to, accidentally I should point out, fall on Catherine the Great.&lt;br /&gt;

:'''Simon Pegg''': In nineteen hundred and eighty nine I had sex for the second time. That was the rhyme.&lt;br /&gt;

:'''Peter Baynham''': In nineteen hundred and ninety nine I'm going to have sex with a big equine.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Sue Perkins''': And back to Catherine the Great.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''William Vandyck''': Any non equine sex related ones that we have?&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Peter Baynham''': No.&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''William Vandyck''': So Dave, you won that round. For a bonus point, can you tell me your PIN number?&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Dave Green''': 1492.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''William Vandyck''': Okay, thanks very much.&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''William Vandyck''': It's time for our biographies round, I will describe myself as a character from history, and you have to determine my identity. Okay, you ready? Who am I? I was the ruler of France between 1799 and 1815. British soldiers knew&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Sue Perkins''':''[Interrupting]'' Napoleon.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''William Vandyck''': Sorry, shh. British Soldiers knew me by the nickname 'Boney'.&lt;br /&gt;
:''[All panelists are now constantly interrupting with &quot;Napoleon&quot;.]''&lt;br /&gt;
:'''William Vandyck''': I haven't finished. I gave my name to Napoleon brandy, the Rune de Napoleon in Paris, I'm not listening, and the Napoleonic wars. My set of, shh, my set of laws for the French state was known as the 'Code Napoleon', I hail originally from Corsica, the home of Napoleon, and uh, shut up, and the psychiatric condition, shut up, known as 'The Napoleon complex' is named in my honour. Now if you think you know the answer, don't be afraid to take a guess now, you can buzz... ''[a buzzer is heard]'' now! ''[another buzzer is heard]'' Dave got there first.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Dave Green''': I think it was Napoleon Bonaparte.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''William Vandyck''': I'll just check the card... yes it is Napoleon, two points to Dave!&lt;br /&gt;

== ''The 99p Challenge'' Series 3, Episode 1 ==

:'''[[w:Armando Iannucci|Armando Iannucci]]''': &quot;The thing is,&quot; said Harry, &quot;if Slytherin is so bad, why don't you just abolish their house? You've got the power.&quot; &quot;Ah,&quot; said Dumbledore, who hoped no one noticed he was played by a new actor, &quot;that's not the point.&quot; Hermoine spoke, &quot;All this magic is fun, but it's straying a long way from the national curriculum. What if OFSTED come?&quot; &quot;Well, er,&quot; said Dumbledore, fiddling with his owl, &quot;can we stick to the point? You three must never go in the very special secret hall, which you'll obviously go in later, for that hall contains Voldemort's treasure: his 99p!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

'''Newspaper Announcements'''

:'''Sue Perkins''': Open any newspaper, and what do you get? Ink all over your hands, and, if you read Richard Littlejohn, garbage all over your eyes. But let's assume we turn immediately to the announcements page, the births, marriages, deaths or simply announcements like &quot;To Doctor David Banner, congratulations on finally becoming a hulk! You're incredible! Love Mum&quot;.

:'''Simon Pegg''': I saw in the back of the Hendon and Edgeware advertiser...
:'''Armando Iannucci''': ''[Laughs]'' This is ''[[w:The News Quiz|The News Quiz]]''.
:'''Simon Pegg''': I didn't know I was going to say that then. &quot;Mr and Mrs Nicholas Braidwood would like to announce that their cat Harry has given birth to a litter of snakes. They're not proud but they feel it could be a sign.&quot;

:'''[[w:David Quantick|David Quantick]]''': A very sad announcement, &quot;RIP Sparky the hamster, 2002 - 2003, in loving memory and thanks for leaving us £40 million. We don't know how you managed to amass all that money in the short, cage-confined ten months of your tiny little life, or indeed how you managed to write a will, but what the hell, we're not complaining. Now let's search the cat.&quot;

:'''[[w:Bill Bailey|Bill Bailey]]''': &quot;I like trains. I'm not ashamed.&quot;

:'''Armando Iannucci''': A couple, &quot;Births: [[w:Ann Widdecombe|Ms A. Widdecombe]] of Westminster is delighted to announce she has split in two to reproduce asexually.&quot; This one's a nice one actually, &quot;Deaths: Mr Geoffrey Hubbard, 82, passed away quietly in a hurricane.&quot;

:'''Simon Pegg''': I saw this in the Crouch End Finger, &quot;Baron Victor Von Frankenstein would like to announce the animation of his latest monstrosity, no name as yet, but there will be a party in the old windmill on the hill on Tuesday, bring a pitchfork.&quot;

:'''Armando Iannucci''': &quot;Mary and James Humber are pleased to announce their daughter has split up from that dreadful busker.&quot;

:'''Bill Bailey''': &quot;Hans Blix is on his way round. Put the bunnies in the hutch, put the bunnies in the hutch, SH.&quot;

:'''Amrando Iannucci''': &quot;John Hurt and a facehugging alien would like to announce the birth of a baby daughter through John Hurt's stomach.&quot;

:'''Bill Bailey''': &quot;Tesco are proud to announce a marriage of quality and value.&quot;

:'''David Quantick''': &quot;Is your cat too small? We can make your cat bigger. Write to 'Making Small Cat Bigger, Hendon.'&quot;

:'''Simon Pegg''': &quot;Lose weight, sell your lungs.&quot;

:'''Armando Iannucci''': &quot;Sidroysip Fertility Clinic are pleased to announce the birth of a baby boy to two of J Steps, Joan and Mary Naysmith and Ellen J Farrow. We'll be able to clarify which two when we go back through our paperwork.&quot;

:'''Bill Bailey''': &quot;Troubled by paying too many beggars in the streets? Spread your beggar payments with direct debit. Or pay online at cupofteamyarse.com&quot;
:'''Armando Iannucci''': I would like to consolidate all my gifts into one tramp.
:'''Bill Bailey''': You can do that.
:'''Simon Pegg''': Into one easy tramp.

== ''The 99p Challenge'' Series 4, Episode 4 ==

'''Celebrity Cash-in Videos'''
:'''Armando Iannucci''': David Attenborough's ''When Walruses Collapse''
:'''Nick Frost''': ''Cut Your Hair, The Brian May Way'' (Five copies sold)
:'''Marcus Brigstocke''': Has anyone seen ''Bomb Your Way To A Happier You, with Donald Rumsfeld''? It's very good. It's an easy-to-follow video. It will take you step-by-step through the first stages of carpet bombing suspicious-looking foreigners, and you will be amazed by Donald's Happy-Go-Lucky &quot;Yes you can!&quot; approach to self-esteem building through murder.
:'''Peter Baynham''': ''Ross Kemp's Heartbreaking Bottle-nosed Dolphin Birth Mishaps''. The former Eastenders star presents 2-hours of these beautiful, intelligent aquatic mammals developing complications during giving birth to their calves. Ross Kemp, over the top, very emotional, going &quot;OH GOD, 'E'S ONLY JUST BEEN BORN!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Armando Iannucci''': Sad news, Your High-Hairedness, Sir Francis Drake's attempt to transport a sense of irony to America has failed.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

'''Survival Tips'''
:'''Armando Iannucci''': If you find yourself in an aeroplane that's lost all engine power and is hurtling from the sky, be sure to get up and walk around regularly to avoid deep vein thrombosis.
:'''Nick Frost''': One that I've learnt at an early age; Never drink a whole swimming pool.
:'''Armando Iannucci''': It is the one thing you should do if you can't swim and have fallen into a swimming pool.
:'''Peter Baynham''': You can always tell which way North is by throwing a stick in the air and saying &quot;Hey there, Mr. Lucky Twig! Point the way for me!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

'''Future Catchphrases'''
:'''Nick Frost''':
* &quot;To the max, dude!&quot;
* &quot;Your computer's RAM capacity is laughable to me, you megahead!&quot;
* &quot;Take your hoverboots and dash, cred-snatcher!&quot;
:'''Marcus Brigstocke''':
* &quot;Yeah, your mum makes gravy for leopards.&quot; 
:'''Armando Iannucci''':
* &quot;Don't peck at my neck, swanface.&quot;
:'''Peter Baynham''':
* &quot;Shame about Gatwick...&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

'''Speed Dating'''
:'''Marcus Brigstocke''':
* Oh, hey there. Are you aware that your name rhymes with &quot;glue&quot;, &quot;shoe&quot;, and &quot;poo&quot;, whereas mine only rhymes with &quot;carcass&quot;?
* So where are you from? I'm from prison!
:'''Armando Iannucci''':
* I love European cinema. My favourite is ''Herbie Goes To Monte Carlo''.
* I love comedy as well. My favourites are anything in which Steve Martin plays a dad.
* Hey, you are the kind of baby-making machine I'm looking for. I wanna have at least 10. I don't want much involvement in the upbringing; that's ''your'' job.
* Can we just hold hands and thank Jesus for bringing us together?
:'''Peter Baynham''':
* HiSue.Gottapackinalot,obviously.Speeddating.SoI'veactuallytookthelibertyoftakingacoupleoflinesofspeedbeforeIactuallycamehere''WHYAREYOULOOKINGATME?!''
* It's weird, this, isn't it? ('''Sue:''' Mmm.) ...Not this, ''this''. [vomits]
:'''Nick Frost''':
* I love you! Marry us!
* Don't you love the way a fresh box of ammunition smells?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Armando Iannucci''': I've just uncovered Kate Moss' skeleton... oh no, it's Kate Moss!
:'''Marcus Brigstocke''': Ah ha! A pot. ...Ooh! And another pot. ...oh look, a bit of pot. ...Wow, another pot- Is anyone else bored?
:'''Armando Iannucci''': This is interesting. We've just dug up a 40-year old telephone order for a Domino's Pizza... and we're in luck, because I can see the guy coming with it across the road.
:'''Nick Frost''': Hang on... I've found some mud! Oh? What's that? Some more mud?! Good God! This must be a buried mud supply which was never retrieved when they took all the other mud!
:'''Marcus Brigstocke''': Oh my God. I've just found the keys to Wales.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nick Frost''': Ladies and gentlemen! Marvel at the fish-eating vegetarians! They eat a flapping animal with a head and a tail, yet they insist it's a vegetable!
:'''Peter Baynham''': ...Oh my God, it's the square dogs. Ladies and gentlemen, turn away boys and girls, 'cause it's distressing. Specially-bred, completely square dogs with no legs. Here they come, being brought in on forklift trucks driven around the ring. They're in a lot of distress. What kind of life must it be? Now the forklift truck drives up to the burning square hoop and pushes each one through and onto a wooden pallet. You may vomit.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
* [http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/99pchallenge/ BBC homepage for the show.] 

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== @Baratiiman and [[2026 Iran war]]. ==

&lt;div class=&quot;cd-moveMark&quot;&gt;''Moved from [[Wikiquote:Village pump#@Baratiiman and 2026 Iran war.]].  [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 22:07, 26 June 2026 (UTC)''&lt;/div&gt;

@[[User:Baratiiman|Baratiiman]] is posting a lot of material on [[2026 Iran war]]. Although he has been a member since 2013 he seems incapable of following basic conventions like ordering by date, basic formatting and providing citiations. Many of his posts have been translated into English from Farsi even some of the English stuff looks like it has been double translated so it doesn't matched the sourced articles. He's flooding the [[2026 Iran war]] page with multiple entries per day and some of them have nothing to do with this topic. (just because Donald Trump says something doesn't mean it's about the Iran War). I have been cleaning up this page almost every day and it's still a mess, but with the frequency of changes, poor formattinng etc. it's simpler for me to just abandon it, which is a shame as it feels like an important subject. I noticed he (gender assumed) has been blocked indefinitely by several other projects, including in his own language. Some of his content is OK, nearly everything needs work though to bring into something half presentable. Perhaps there is some option to block or topic ban this account? [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:52, 26 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Ping|Baratiiman}} Please reply to this and can you tell us if you're an English speaker? ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:24, 27 June 2026 (UTC)
::i'm iranian i didn't think dates simply would be getting me permabanned and he has no problem with my &quot;posts&quot; he is himself &quot;posting&quot; PRO Iran regime propaganda i have not touched, now i quote Xi Jin PIng and he comes to you here to get me banned ... all my edits have valid sources, and if they are FARSI , well FARSI is still a language that can be translated  BEFORE I CAME HERE THIS PAGE WAS EMPTY FOR 120 DAYS OF 2026 INTERNET BLACKOUT IN IRAN

You guys are saying THIS QUOTES IS NOT RELATED TO IRAN WAR|
*Iran has informed the U. S. that, despite troublemaking Fake News reporting to the contrary, there are “NO TOLLS, NO INSURANCE COSTS, &amp; NO OTHER CHARGES OF ANY KIND BEING SOUGHT OR RECEIVED BY IRAN ON SHIPS TRAVELING THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ. If this is false information, negotiations would end, immediately! Additionally, no money has been given to Iran, or released from their money to them, by the U. S. We will be releasing some of their money, that is totally controlled by us, to our Farmers and Ranchers, for the purchase of Corn, Wheat, Soybeans, and more. Food is desperately needed in Iran, and we will be purchasing it for them exclusively from the United States. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://www.reuters.com/business/finance/trump-says-iran-has-told-us-no-tolls-being-sought-strait-hormuz-2026-06-24/ ]
OR THIS ONE 

*I don't think it was us Nobody Did It on Purpose It’s horrible what happened, but there were missiles flying all over the place, and somebody said it was our missile, well, maybe it wasn’t our missile. But I’ve seen nothing to lead me to believe it was
**[https://www.jamaicaobserver.com/2026/06/24/trump-casts-doubt-us-involvement-deadly-iranian-school-strike/ ]

**Iran has informed the U. S. that, despite troublemaking Fake News reporting to the contrary, there are “NO TOLLS, NO INSURANCE COSTS, &amp; NO OTHER CHARGES OF ANY KIND BEING SOUGHT OR RECEIVED BY IRAN ON SHIPS TRAVELING THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ. If this is false information, negotiations would end, immediately! Additionally, no money has been given to Iran, or released from their money to them, by the U. S. We will be releasing some of their money, that is totally controlled by us, to our Farmers and Ranchers, for the purchase of Corn, Wheat, Soybeans, and more. Food is desperately needed in Iran, and we will be purchasing it for them exclusively from the United States. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP

*''We have given our own 20 million oil barrels to IRGC-AF aerospace force to spend to be able to fight otherwise they couldn't, security council is the only place where decision of unity was made , chief of headquarters was there , army and IRGC heads commanders were there , chief of security was there, they all said same thing , we all accepted this path we are going to go, no joke , everyone agreed now we sat and thought this'' 
**[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202606218789 Dr Pezeshkian]

*Who else could have done a blockade like that? I did a naval blockade where not one ship was able to get through. Some tried. It didn't last very long I haven't learned that lesson yet. I know there are, but there are no limits,we defeated them totally militarily,[Iran Deal] 
probably is unconditional surrender.
**[https://www.axios.com/2026/06/18/trump-iran-war-power-no-limits Trump]

I defy you to tell me exactly what is wrong with these
[[User:Baratiiman|Baratiiman]] ([[User talk:Baratiiman|talk]]) 18:20, 27 June 2026 (UTC)

:Quotes need to be a) relevant, b) dated, c) attributed to a named source (ideally in English), d) added in the chronological order, e) formatted correctly with * and **. There's literally hundreds of examples to look at on this page alone to see how the formatting should be! It doesn't matter if it is an Iranian person, American person, etc. There is no agenda, other than to provide a list of quotes which tell a story. The main thing is someone can read from top to bottom and read the narrative as it happens. Most of your quotes are ok, albeit always badly formatted, or not quite the source text. A few are irrelevant and should be placed on another page (e.g. your last one &quot;Over half of Democrats say they want to live in another country. Go. We can’t deport that many&quot;), the Xi one (about Trump moving fast). The main issue is you dump all your quotes out of sequence at the top of the month, or the bottom of the month. I have to go through every one, fix the markup, then find the publication date (I have to use AI to translate the Farsi to even see the date) so that everything is roughly in the order it was published.
:So basically I either have to edit every post you put on, or just abandon the page and leave it to you. Nobody else will be able to edit or read it as it will end up completely unreadable with everything out of sequence and the formatting all over the place. If you were to put it on correctly in the first place I'd just skip over the irrelevant quotes, I have better things to do with my time than make editorial decisions about every quote you provide, so I would overlook the odd stray quote if everything else was ok. But as I have been wanting to add my own quotes I've had to correct what was there and literally move and format every single quote you have put on, just to clear the ground for some more. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 19:12, 27 June 2026 (UTC)

== Repeat vandalism on The Mummy Returns ==

The same vandal that has repeatedly visited ''[[The Mummy Returns]]'' on Wikiquote, to make the same massive cut to the page's content, to leave the same captioned image, is back again, now the most active they've been since 2022. They are now using throwaway accounts, however, and not editing from an IP address like they were doing before.

I would like to ask that ''The Mummy Returns'' be placed under protected status again. Documentation of the incidents of vandalism and all usernames/IP addresses observed is available on the movie's discussion page. As far as I can tell, the same vandal has been at this since 2016, a full 10 years. [[User:AC9016|AC9016]] ([[User talk:AC9016|talk]]) 16:00, 6 July 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Protected}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 16:24, 6 July 2026 (UTC)
::That should do it. Thank you for your help. It's appreciated. [[User:AC9016|AC9016]] ([[User talk:AC9016|talk]]) 16:34, 6 July 2026 (UTC)</text>
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'''''[[w:Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010 film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid]]''''' is an American live-action/partly animated comedy film based on the book in the illustrated novel series of the same title by [[w:Jeff Kinney|Jeff Kinney]]. The film mainly stars [[w:Zachary Gordon|Zachary Gordon]] and [[w:Robert Capron|Robert Capron]]. Also starring in the film are [[w:Rachael Harris|Rachael Harris]], [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]], [[w:Devon Bostick|Devon Bostick]], and [[w:Chloë Moretz|Chloë Moretz]]. The film was released by [[w:20th Century Fox|20th Century Fox]] on March 19, 2010.
:''Directed by [[w:Thor Freudenthal|Thor Freudenthal]]. Written by [[w:Jackie Filgo|Jackie Filgo]], [[w:Jeff Filgo|Jeff Filgo]], [[w:Gabe Sachs|Gabe Sachs]], [[w:Jeff Judah|Jeff Judah]] and [[w:Jeff Kinney|Jeff Kinney]].''
{{center|'''It's not a diary, it's a movie!'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Greg Heffley==
* Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be the dumbest idea ever invented.
* Thank God there are a few normal people or this place would be a total freak show.
* ''[after getting teased by Quentin]'' Right now, I have to take abuse from these morons. But in twenty years, Quentin here will be workin' for me.
* She's a girl! Where do I grab her?

==Rowley Jefferson==
*''hey greg wanna come over and play?
*So, wanna play ''Twisted Wizard''?
*''[repeated line]'' Zoo-wee-mama!
*Wow. Everyone knows me now. lt's like l'm famous!

==Chirag Gupta==
* ''[Sees Greg trying to touch the Cheese]'' STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch.
* The Cheese Touch. Nobody knows when or how, but one day, that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. ''[Scene flashes forward to before the Cheese became moldy]'' Nobody knew who it belonged to. Nobody touched it, nobody threw it away. So there it sat, growing more foul and powerful by the day. And then, one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. ''[Darren puts his finger on the Cheese]'' Darren had the Cheese Touch! It was worse than nuclear cooties. He became an outcast. ''[Darren cries in the hallway]'' The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch was by passing it on to someone else. ''[Darren touches an unsuspecting girl, thus giving her the Cheese Touch]'' And so began the Cheese Touch frenzy! Friend turning on friend, brother turning on sister, it was madness! Until, a German exchange student named Dieter Müller took it away. Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation. Thankfully, he moved back to Düsseldorf, and took the Cheese Touch with him. ''[Flash forward to the present]'' And so the Cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim.
*This is a terrible place!

==Fregley==
*Hey, guys. Wanna see my secret freckle? Check it out, ''[singsong voice]'' it’s got a hair in it!
*I guess this is where all the cool guys hang out.
*Wanna have a tickle fight?

==Patty Farrell==
*''[grunts]'' Come on! What are you waiting for, huh? Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. Make your move!
*Come on, Greg Heffley! Stop ruining the play like you ruin everything else! Don't make me come over there and beat you up again!
*Can I wrestle with somebody Good Now?

==Angie Steadman==
*It's completely barbaric. This place is an intellectual wasteland, but it's nice to meet a person more interested in his mind than his body.
*You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol? Are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder?
*You know, Patty? One day you'll wake up and all the things you thought were important won't be anymore.

==Rodrick Heffley==
* So, look. Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. It's real simple: don't talk to anyone, don't ''look'' at anyone, don't go anywhere, don't sit down, don't raise your hand, don't go to the bathroom, don't get noticed, don't choose the wrong locker, don't... ''[sighs]'' Who am I kidding? You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year anyway. ''[patting Greg's head]'' And don't be seen with Rowley.
* What did I tell you would happen if you ever went into my room again?﻿ 
* It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! Don't you know anything about music? Listen, I came here to get a new drumstick, and now Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, I'm going to kill you. Literally kill you!
* ''[to Rowley]'' Beat it.
* What? ''[Greg run offs. Rowley holds onto to Rodrick's leg to stop him]'' Let go, baby hippo!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Greg Heffley''': OK, first of all, let me get something straight, this is a ''journal'', not a diary. Yeah, I know what it says on the cover, but when my mom went out to buy this thing, I specifically told her not to buy the thing that says &quot;diary&quot; on it. This just proves that Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age.
:'''Bully''': Huh, Sissy! ''[punches Greg]''
:'''Greg''': The only reason why I agreed to write in this thing, is because one day, when I'm rich and famous, I'll have better things to do than answer people's stupid questions all day long.
:'''Reporter #1''': Gregory! Tell us about your childhood! 
:'''Reporter #2''': Were you ''always'' so smart and handsome?
:'''Greg''': Here's my journal. Now shoo, shoo.

&lt;hr width='50%'/&gt;
:'''Bully''': Jerk.
:'''Greg''': Rowley, if you had to say what you were ranked in terms of popularity from 1 to 200, where would you put yourself?
:'''Rowley Jefferson''': Is 200 good or bad?
:'''Greg''': I'd say you're somewhere around the 154 mark. I'd put myself around number 19 or 20. I might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year. If things will go the way I think they will.
:'''Rowley''': Well, who's at the bottom?
:'''Fregley''': Hey, guys! You wanna see my secret freckle? ''[lifts up his shirt]''
:'''Greg &amp; Rowley''': EEEWWW! 
:'''Greg''': ''[narrating]'' Fregley, sent home for hygiene issues at least once a month.
:'''Fregley''': Check it out. It's got a hair in it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angie Steadman''': It all starts in middle school, y'know. You're not a kid anymore, the coddling's stopped. Kids aren't separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on. The girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore. 
:'''Greg''': Okay, well it sounds like you've got it all figured out, so go back to your book.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chirag Gupta''': STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch!
:'''Greg''': The what?
:'''Chirag''': The Cheese Touch.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angie''': Y'know, I like your point of view. You should sign up for the school paper. We are the voice of the people. Well, the people are mostly idiots so I guess technically speaking we're the voice of the people making fun of the people.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greg''': We got to stay in this neighborhood the rest of the night.
:'''Rowley''': That guy gave two full-size Snickers!
:'''Greg''': Did I tell you or did I tell you? These people have money to burn. Can't believe we got this much candy. This is like the best day ever.
:'''Teenager''': Hey, reflector dude, nice costume! 
:'''Rowley''': Thanks! My mom made it...
:''[Suddenly, the teenager in the back of the truck sprays a fire extinguister in Greg and Rowley's face]''
:'''Greg''': I saw your plates! We're calling the cops! ''[Teenagers' truck stops and starts to back up]'' Uh-oh.
:'''Rowley''': Oh, boy.
:'''Greg''': RUN!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rowley''': Remember that secret language we made up last week?
:''[Flashback]''
:'''Greg''': ''[to Rowley, through walkie-talkie]'' Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa like-pa a woman-pa. ''[Greg and Rowley laugh, as Rowley's dad glares at them appalled]''
:''[Present]''
:'''Rowley''': I think he cracked our code.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greg''': Fun?! That's the exact opposite of fun! This entire year has been terrible and nobody even cares! My family, my best friend. Well, I'm sick of it. Somebody needs to pay!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Heffley garage, Rodrick and his bandmates are performing]''
:'''Susan''': ''[walks in; annoyed]'' Rodrick. Rodrick! I need to talk to you. Inside, now.
:''[Greg peeks from behind the door as he watches]''
:'''Rodrick''': Go ahead and talk. We're a band. We have no secrets.
:'''Susan''': Oh, okay. Fine. ''[holds up the magazine]'' What is this?
:'''Rodrick''': It's not mine.
:'''Susan''': It was in your backpack.
:'''Rodrick''': No, it was in my room.
:'''Susan''': ''[gives Rodrick a &quot;Really?&quot; look]'' Does owning this magazine make you a better person?
:'''Rodrick''': No.
:'''Susan''': Did it make you more popular at school?
:'''Rodrick''': ''[chuckles]'' Yes. No.
:'''Susan''': How do you feel about having owned this ''type'' of magazine?
:'''Rodrick''': Ashamed.
:'''Susan''': Do you have anything you wanna say to women for having owned this offensive magazine?
:'''Rodrick''': I'm sorry, women.
:''[His bandmates clap in applause]''
:'''Bandmate''': Yeah, women.
:'''Susan''': You're grounded…for two weeks.
:''[Greg smiles in satisfaction and leaves to his room]''
:'''Rodrick''': Okay, settle down, Susan. I think one week is plenty.
:'''Susan''': Make it four weeks, and I'm gonna need the keys to your van.
:'''Rodrick''': ''[shocked through gritted teeth]'' My van?!

== Taglines ==
* I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.
* How to be &lt;s&gt;wimp&lt;/s&gt; cool.
* Wimp is in!
* It's not a diary, it's a movie!
* It's not a movie, it's a ''survival'' guide.

==Cast==
* [[w:Zachary Gordon|Zachary Gordon]] as [[w:Greg Heffley|Greg Heffley]]
* [[w:Robert Capron|Robert Capron]] &amp;ndash; Rowley Jefferson
* [[w:Devon Bostick|Devon Bostick]] &amp;ndash; Rodrick Heffley
* [[w:Rachael Harris|Rachel Harris]] &amp;ndash; Susan Heffley 
* [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]] &amp;ndash; Frank Heffley
* [[w:Chloë Grace Moretz|Chloë Grace Moretz]] &amp;ndash; Angie Steadman
* [[w:Karan Brar|Karan Brar]] &amp;ndash; Chirag Gupta
* [[w:Grayson Russell|Grayson Russel]] &amp;ndash; Fregley
* [[w:Laine MacNeil|Laine MacNeil]] &amp;ndash; Patty Farrell
* [[w:Connor Fielding|Connor Fielding]] and [[w:Owen Fielding|Owen Fielding]] &amp;ndash; Manny Heffley
* [[w:Alex Ferris|Alex Ferris]] as Collin Lee
* [[w:Andrew McNee|Andrew McNee]] &amp;ndash; Coach Malone
* [[w:Rob LaBelle|Rob LaBelle]] &amp;ndash; Mr. Winsky
* [[w:Alf Humphreys|Alf Humphreys]] &amp;ndash; Mr. Jefferson
* [[w:Belita Moreno|Belita Moreno]] &amp;ndash; Mrs. Norton
* [[w:Harrison Houde|Harrison Houde]] &amp;ndash; Darren Walsh

==See also==
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules]]''
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days]]''
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul]]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Diary of a Wimpy Kid (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid}}
* {{imdb title | id=1196141 | title=Diary of a Wimpy Kid}}

{{authority control}}

[[Category:2010 American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Diary of a Wimpy Kid|Diary of a Wimpy Kid 1]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3963160</id>
      <parentid>3963159</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T17:45:28Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Hank15752</username>
        <id>3287206</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Fregley */</comment>
      <origin>3963160</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11184" sha1="tgitrjq252w83k0k4hbxrq11dddsaf8" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010 film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid]]''''' is an American live-action/partly animated comedy film based on the book in the illustrated novel series of the same title by [[w:Jeff Kinney|Jeff Kinney]]. The film mainly stars [[w:Zachary Gordon|Zachary Gordon]] and [[w:Robert Capron|Robert Capron]]. Also starring in the film are [[w:Rachael Harris|Rachael Harris]], [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]], [[w:Devon Bostick|Devon Bostick]], and [[w:Chloë Moretz|Chloë Moretz]]. The film was released by [[w:20th Century Fox|20th Century Fox]] on March 19, 2010.
:''Directed by [[w:Thor Freudenthal|Thor Freudenthal]]. Written by [[w:Jackie Filgo|Jackie Filgo]], [[w:Jeff Filgo|Jeff Filgo]], [[w:Gabe Sachs|Gabe Sachs]], [[w:Jeff Judah|Jeff Judah]] and [[w:Jeff Kinney|Jeff Kinney]].''
{{center|'''It's not a diary, it's a movie!'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Greg Heffley==
* Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be the dumbest idea ever invented.
* Thank God there are a few normal people or this place would be a total freak show.
* ''[after getting teased by Quentin]'' Right now, I have to take abuse from these morons. But in twenty years, Quentin here will be workin' for me.
* She's a girl! Where do I grab her?

==Rowley Jefferson==
*''hey greg wanna come over and play?
*So, wanna play ''Twisted Wizard''?
*''[repeated line]'' Zoo-wee-mama!
*Wow. Everyone knows me now. lt's like l'm famous!

==Chirag Gupta==
* ''[Sees Greg trying to touch the Cheese]'' STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch.
* The Cheese Touch. Nobody knows when or how, but one day, that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. ''[Scene flashes forward to before the Cheese became moldy]'' Nobody knew who it belonged to. Nobody touched it, nobody threw it away. So there it sat, growing more foul and powerful by the day. And then, one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. ''[Darren puts his finger on the Cheese]'' Darren had the Cheese Touch! It was worse than nuclear cooties. He became an outcast. ''[Darren cries in the hallway]'' The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch was by passing it on to someone else. ''[Darren touches an unsuspecting girl, thus giving her the Cheese Touch]'' And so began the Cheese Touch frenzy! Friend turning on friend, brother turning on sister, it was madness! Until, a German exchange student named Dieter Müller took it away. Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation. Thankfully, he moved back to Düsseldorf, and took the Cheese Touch with him. ''[Flash forward to the present]'' And so the Cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim.
*This is a terrible place!

==Fregley==
*Hey, guys. Wanna see my secret freckle? Check it out, ''[singsong voice]'' it’s got a hair in it!
*I guess this is where all the cool guys hang out.
*Wanna have a tickle fight?
*''[voiceover from the note Greg finds]'' Dear Gregory, I'm very sorry I chased you with a booger on my finger. Here, I put it on this paper so you can get me back.

==Patty Farrell==
*''[grunts]'' Come on! What are you waiting for, huh? Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. Make your move!
*Come on, Greg Heffley! Stop ruining the play like you ruin everything else! Don't make me come over there and beat you up again!
*Can I wrestle with somebody Good Now?

==Angie Steadman==
*It's completely barbaric. This place is an intellectual wasteland, but it's nice to meet a person more interested in his mind than his body.
*You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol? Are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder?
*You know, Patty? One day you'll wake up and all the things you thought were important won't be anymore.

==Rodrick Heffley==
* So, look. Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. It's real simple: don't talk to anyone, don't ''look'' at anyone, don't go anywhere, don't sit down, don't raise your hand, don't go to the bathroom, don't get noticed, don't choose the wrong locker, don't... ''[sighs]'' Who am I kidding? You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year anyway. ''[patting Greg's head]'' And don't be seen with Rowley.
* What did I tell you would happen if you ever went into my room again?﻿ 
* It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! Don't you know anything about music? Listen, I came here to get a new drumstick, and now Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, I'm going to kill you. Literally kill you!
* ''[to Rowley]'' Beat it.
* What? ''[Greg run offs. Rowley holds onto to Rodrick's leg to stop him]'' Let go, baby hippo!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Greg Heffley''': OK, first of all, let me get something straight, this is a ''journal'', not a diary. Yeah, I know what it says on the cover, but when my mom went out to buy this thing, I specifically told her not to buy the thing that says &quot;diary&quot; on it. This just proves that Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age.
:'''Bully''': Huh, Sissy! ''[punches Greg]''
:'''Greg''': The only reason why I agreed to write in this thing, is because one day, when I'm rich and famous, I'll have better things to do than answer people's stupid questions all day long.
:'''Reporter #1''': Gregory! Tell us about your childhood! 
:'''Reporter #2''': Were you ''always'' so smart and handsome?
:'''Greg''': Here's my journal. Now shoo, shoo.

&lt;hr width='50%'/&gt;
:'''Bully''': Jerk.
:'''Greg''': Rowley, if you had to say what you were ranked in terms of popularity from 1 to 200, where would you put yourself?
:'''Rowley Jefferson''': Is 200 good or bad?
:'''Greg''': I'd say you're somewhere around the 154 mark. I'd put myself around number 19 or 20. I might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year. If things will go the way I think they will.
:'''Rowley''': Well, who's at the bottom?
:'''Fregley''': Hey, guys! You wanna see my secret freckle? ''[lifts up his shirt]''
:'''Greg &amp; Rowley''': EEEWWW! 
:'''Greg''': ''[narrating]'' Fregley, sent home for hygiene issues at least once a month.
:'''Fregley''': Check it out. It's got a hair in it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angie Steadman''': It all starts in middle school, y'know. You're not a kid anymore, the coddling's stopped. Kids aren't separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on. The girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore. 
:'''Greg''': Okay, well it sounds like you've got it all figured out, so go back to your book.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chirag Gupta''': STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch!
:'''Greg''': The what?
:'''Chirag''': The Cheese Touch.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angie''': Y'know, I like your point of view. You should sign up for the school paper. We are the voice of the people. Well, the people are mostly idiots so I guess technically speaking we're the voice of the people making fun of the people.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greg''': We got to stay in this neighborhood the rest of the night.
:'''Rowley''': That guy gave two full-size Snickers!
:'''Greg''': Did I tell you or did I tell you? These people have money to burn. Can't believe we got this much candy. This is like the best day ever.
:'''Teenager''': Hey, reflector dude, nice costume! 
:'''Rowley''': Thanks! My mom made it...
:''[Suddenly, the teenager in the back of the truck sprays a fire extinguister in Greg and Rowley's face]''
:'''Greg''': I saw your plates! We're calling the cops! ''[Teenagers' truck stops and starts to back up]'' Uh-oh.
:'''Rowley''': Oh, boy.
:'''Greg''': RUN!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rowley''': Remember that secret language we made up last week?
:''[Flashback]''
:'''Greg''': ''[to Rowley, through walkie-talkie]'' Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa like-pa a woman-pa. ''[Greg and Rowley laugh, as Rowley's dad glares at them appalled]''
:''[Present]''
:'''Rowley''': I think he cracked our code.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greg''': Fun?! That's the exact opposite of fun! This entire year has been terrible and nobody even cares! My family, my best friend. Well, I'm sick of it. Somebody needs to pay!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Heffley garage, Rodrick and his bandmates are performing]''
:'''Susan''': ''[walks in; annoyed]'' Rodrick. Rodrick! I need to talk to you. Inside, now.
:''[Greg peeks from behind the door as he watches]''
:'''Rodrick''': Go ahead and talk. We're a band. We have no secrets.
:'''Susan''': Oh, okay. Fine. ''[holds up the magazine]'' What is this?
:'''Rodrick''': It's not mine.
:'''Susan''': It was in your backpack.
:'''Rodrick''': No, it was in my room.
:'''Susan''': ''[gives Rodrick a &quot;Really?&quot; look]'' Does owning this magazine make you a better person?
:'''Rodrick''': No.
:'''Susan''': Did it make you more popular at school?
:'''Rodrick''': ''[chuckles]'' Yes. No.
:'''Susan''': How do you feel about having owned this ''type'' of magazine?
:'''Rodrick''': Ashamed.
:'''Susan''': Do you have anything you wanna say to women for having owned this offensive magazine?
:'''Rodrick''': I'm sorry, women.
:''[His bandmates clap in applause]''
:'''Bandmate''': Yeah, women.
:'''Susan''': You're grounded…for two weeks.
:''[Greg smiles in satisfaction and leaves to his room]''
:'''Rodrick''': Okay, settle down, Susan. I think one week is plenty.
:'''Susan''': Make it four weeks, and I'm gonna need the keys to your van.
:'''Rodrick''': ''[shocked through gritted teeth]'' My van?!

== Taglines ==
* I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.
* How to be &lt;s&gt;wimp&lt;/s&gt; cool.
* Wimp is in!
* It's not a diary, it's a movie!
* It's not a movie, it's a ''survival'' guide.

==Cast==
* [[w:Zachary Gordon|Zachary Gordon]] as [[w:Greg Heffley|Greg Heffley]]
* [[w:Robert Capron|Robert Capron]] &amp;ndash; Rowley Jefferson
* [[w:Devon Bostick|Devon Bostick]] &amp;ndash; Rodrick Heffley
* [[w:Rachael Harris|Rachel Harris]] &amp;ndash; Susan Heffley 
* [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]] &amp;ndash; Frank Heffley
* [[w:Chloë Grace Moretz|Chloë Grace Moretz]] &amp;ndash; Angie Steadman
* [[w:Karan Brar|Karan Brar]] &amp;ndash; Chirag Gupta
* [[w:Grayson Russell|Grayson Russel]] &amp;ndash; Fregley
* [[w:Laine MacNeil|Laine MacNeil]] &amp;ndash; Patty Farrell
* [[w:Connor Fielding|Connor Fielding]] and [[w:Owen Fielding|Owen Fielding]] &amp;ndash; Manny Heffley
* [[w:Alex Ferris|Alex Ferris]] as Collin Lee
* [[w:Andrew McNee|Andrew McNee]] &amp;ndash; Coach Malone
* [[w:Rob LaBelle|Rob LaBelle]] &amp;ndash; Mr. Winsky
* [[w:Alf Humphreys|Alf Humphreys]] &amp;ndash; Mr. Jefferson
* [[w:Belita Moreno|Belita Moreno]] &amp;ndash; Mrs. Norton
* [[w:Harrison Houde|Harrison Houde]] &amp;ndash; Darren Walsh

==See also==
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules]]''
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days]]''
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul]]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Diary of a Wimpy Kid (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid}}
* {{imdb title | id=1196141 | title=Diary of a Wimpy Kid}}

{{authority control}}

[[Category:2010 American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Diary of a Wimpy Kid|Diary of a Wimpy Kid 1]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]</text>
      <sha1>tgitrjq252w83k0k4hbxrq11dddsaf8</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963161</id>
      <parentid>3963160</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T17:45:46Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Hank15752</username>
        <id>3287206</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Rowley Jefferson */</comment>
      <origin>3963161</origin>
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      <text bytes="11186" sha1="415q4tcmmuvzg75jlpx6d4gveg8kld0" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010 film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid]]''''' is an American live-action/partly animated comedy film based on the book in the illustrated novel series of the same title by [[w:Jeff Kinney|Jeff Kinney]]. The film mainly stars [[w:Zachary Gordon|Zachary Gordon]] and [[w:Robert Capron|Robert Capron]]. Also starring in the film are [[w:Rachael Harris|Rachael Harris]], [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]], [[w:Devon Bostick|Devon Bostick]], and [[w:Chloë Moretz|Chloë Moretz]]. The film was released by [[w:20th Century Fox|20th Century Fox]] on March 19, 2010.
:''Directed by [[w:Thor Freudenthal|Thor Freudenthal]]. Written by [[w:Jackie Filgo|Jackie Filgo]], [[w:Jeff Filgo|Jeff Filgo]], [[w:Gabe Sachs|Gabe Sachs]], [[w:Jeff Judah|Jeff Judah]] and [[w:Jeff Kinney|Jeff Kinney]].''
{{center|'''It's not a diary, it's a movie!'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Greg Heffley==
* Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be the dumbest idea ever invented.
* Thank God there are a few normal people or this place would be a total freak show.
* ''[after getting teased by Quentin]'' Right now, I have to take abuse from these morons. But in twenty years, Quentin here will be workin' for me.
* She's a girl! Where do I grab her?

==Rowley Jefferson==
*''Hey, Greg! Wanna come over and play?
*So, wanna play ''Twisted Wizard''?
*''[repeated line]'' Zoo-wee-mama!
*Wow. Everyone knows me now. lt's like l'm famous!

==Chirag Gupta==
* ''[Sees Greg trying to touch the Cheese]'' STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch.
* The Cheese Touch. Nobody knows when or how, but one day, that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. ''[Scene flashes forward to before the Cheese became moldy]'' Nobody knew who it belonged to. Nobody touched it, nobody threw it away. So there it sat, growing more foul and powerful by the day. And then, one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. ''[Darren puts his finger on the Cheese]'' Darren had the Cheese Touch! It was worse than nuclear cooties. He became an outcast. ''[Darren cries in the hallway]'' The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch was by passing it on to someone else. ''[Darren touches an unsuspecting girl, thus giving her the Cheese Touch]'' And so began the Cheese Touch frenzy! Friend turning on friend, brother turning on sister, it was madness! Until, a German exchange student named Dieter Müller took it away. Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation. Thankfully, he moved back to Düsseldorf, and took the Cheese Touch with him. ''[Flash forward to the present]'' And so the Cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim.
*This is a terrible place!

==Fregley==
*Hey, guys. Wanna see my secret freckle? Check it out, ''[singsong voice]'' it’s got a hair in it!
*I guess this is where all the cool guys hang out.
*Wanna have a tickle fight?
*''[voiceover from the note Greg finds]'' Dear Gregory, I'm very sorry I chased you with a booger on my finger. Here, I put it on this paper so you can get me back.

==Patty Farrell==
*''[grunts]'' Come on! What are you waiting for, huh? Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. Make your move!
*Come on, Greg Heffley! Stop ruining the play like you ruin everything else! Don't make me come over there and beat you up again!
*Can I wrestle with somebody Good Now?

==Angie Steadman==
*It's completely barbaric. This place is an intellectual wasteland, but it's nice to meet a person more interested in his mind than his body.
*You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol? Are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder?
*You know, Patty? One day you'll wake up and all the things you thought were important won't be anymore.

==Rodrick Heffley==
* So, look. Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. It's real simple: don't talk to anyone, don't ''look'' at anyone, don't go anywhere, don't sit down, don't raise your hand, don't go to the bathroom, don't get noticed, don't choose the wrong locker, don't... ''[sighs]'' Who am I kidding? You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year anyway. ''[patting Greg's head]'' And don't be seen with Rowley.
* What did I tell you would happen if you ever went into my room again?﻿ 
* It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! Don't you know anything about music? Listen, I came here to get a new drumstick, and now Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, I'm going to kill you. Literally kill you!
* ''[to Rowley]'' Beat it.
* What? ''[Greg run offs. Rowley holds onto to Rodrick's leg to stop him]'' Let go, baby hippo!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Greg Heffley''': OK, first of all, let me get something straight, this is a ''journal'', not a diary. Yeah, I know what it says on the cover, but when my mom went out to buy this thing, I specifically told her not to buy the thing that says &quot;diary&quot; on it. This just proves that Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age.
:'''Bully''': Huh, Sissy! ''[punches Greg]''
:'''Greg''': The only reason why I agreed to write in this thing, is because one day, when I'm rich and famous, I'll have better things to do than answer people's stupid questions all day long.
:'''Reporter #1''': Gregory! Tell us about your childhood! 
:'''Reporter #2''': Were you ''always'' so smart and handsome?
:'''Greg''': Here's my journal. Now shoo, shoo.

&lt;hr width='50%'/&gt;
:'''Bully''': Jerk.
:'''Greg''': Rowley, if you had to say what you were ranked in terms of popularity from 1 to 200, where would you put yourself?
:'''Rowley Jefferson''': Is 200 good or bad?
:'''Greg''': I'd say you're somewhere around the 154 mark. I'd put myself around number 19 or 20. I might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year. If things will go the way I think they will.
:'''Rowley''': Well, who's at the bottom?
:'''Fregley''': Hey, guys! You wanna see my secret freckle? ''[lifts up his shirt]''
:'''Greg &amp; Rowley''': EEEWWW! 
:'''Greg''': ''[narrating]'' Fregley, sent home for hygiene issues at least once a month.
:'''Fregley''': Check it out. It's got a hair in it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angie Steadman''': It all starts in middle school, y'know. You're not a kid anymore, the coddling's stopped. Kids aren't separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on. The girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore. 
:'''Greg''': Okay, well it sounds like you've got it all figured out, so go back to your book.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chirag Gupta''': STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch!
:'''Greg''': The what?
:'''Chirag''': The Cheese Touch.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angie''': Y'know, I like your point of view. You should sign up for the school paper. We are the voice of the people. Well, the people are mostly idiots so I guess technically speaking we're the voice of the people making fun of the people.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greg''': We got to stay in this neighborhood the rest of the night.
:'''Rowley''': That guy gave two full-size Snickers!
:'''Greg''': Did I tell you or did I tell you? These people have money to burn. Can't believe we got this much candy. This is like the best day ever.
:'''Teenager''': Hey, reflector dude, nice costume! 
:'''Rowley''': Thanks! My mom made it...
:''[Suddenly, the teenager in the back of the truck sprays a fire extinguister in Greg and Rowley's face]''
:'''Greg''': I saw your plates! We're calling the cops! ''[Teenagers' truck stops and starts to back up]'' Uh-oh.
:'''Rowley''': Oh, boy.
:'''Greg''': RUN!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rowley''': Remember that secret language we made up last week?
:''[Flashback]''
:'''Greg''': ''[to Rowley, through walkie-talkie]'' Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa like-pa a woman-pa. ''[Greg and Rowley laugh, as Rowley's dad glares at them appalled]''
:''[Present]''
:'''Rowley''': I think he cracked our code.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greg''': Fun?! That's the exact opposite of fun! This entire year has been terrible and nobody even cares! My family, my best friend. Well, I'm sick of it. Somebody needs to pay!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Heffley garage, Rodrick and his bandmates are performing]''
:'''Susan''': ''[walks in; annoyed]'' Rodrick. Rodrick! I need to talk to you. Inside, now.
:''[Greg peeks from behind the door as he watches]''
:'''Rodrick''': Go ahead and talk. We're a band. We have no secrets.
:'''Susan''': Oh, okay. Fine. ''[holds up the magazine]'' What is this?
:'''Rodrick''': It's not mine.
:'''Susan''': It was in your backpack.
:'''Rodrick''': No, it was in my room.
:'''Susan''': ''[gives Rodrick a &quot;Really?&quot; look]'' Does owning this magazine make you a better person?
:'''Rodrick''': No.
:'''Susan''': Did it make you more popular at school?
:'''Rodrick''': ''[chuckles]'' Yes. No.
:'''Susan''': How do you feel about having owned this ''type'' of magazine?
:'''Rodrick''': Ashamed.
:'''Susan''': Do you have anything you wanna say to women for having owned this offensive magazine?
:'''Rodrick''': I'm sorry, women.
:''[His bandmates clap in applause]''
:'''Bandmate''': Yeah, women.
:'''Susan''': You're grounded…for two weeks.
:''[Greg smiles in satisfaction and leaves to his room]''
:'''Rodrick''': Okay, settle down, Susan. I think one week is plenty.
:'''Susan''': Make it four weeks, and I'm gonna need the keys to your van.
:'''Rodrick''': ''[shocked through gritted teeth]'' My van?!

== Taglines ==
* I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.
* How to be &lt;s&gt;wimp&lt;/s&gt; cool.
* Wimp is in!
* It's not a diary, it's a movie!
* It's not a movie, it's a ''survival'' guide.

==Cast==
* [[w:Zachary Gordon|Zachary Gordon]] as [[w:Greg Heffley|Greg Heffley]]
* [[w:Robert Capron|Robert Capron]] &amp;ndash; Rowley Jefferson
* [[w:Devon Bostick|Devon Bostick]] &amp;ndash; Rodrick Heffley
* [[w:Rachael Harris|Rachel Harris]] &amp;ndash; Susan Heffley 
* [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]] &amp;ndash; Frank Heffley
* [[w:Chloë Grace Moretz|Chloë Grace Moretz]] &amp;ndash; Angie Steadman
* [[w:Karan Brar|Karan Brar]] &amp;ndash; Chirag Gupta
* [[w:Grayson Russell|Grayson Russel]] &amp;ndash; Fregley
* [[w:Laine MacNeil|Laine MacNeil]] &amp;ndash; Patty Farrell
* [[w:Connor Fielding|Connor Fielding]] and [[w:Owen Fielding|Owen Fielding]] &amp;ndash; Manny Heffley
* [[w:Alex Ferris|Alex Ferris]] as Collin Lee
* [[w:Andrew McNee|Andrew McNee]] &amp;ndash; Coach Malone
* [[w:Rob LaBelle|Rob LaBelle]] &amp;ndash; Mr. Winsky
* [[w:Alf Humphreys|Alf Humphreys]] &amp;ndash; Mr. Jefferson
* [[w:Belita Moreno|Belita Moreno]] &amp;ndash; Mrs. Norton
* [[w:Harrison Houde|Harrison Houde]] &amp;ndash; Darren Walsh

==See also==
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules]]''
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days]]''
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul]]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Diary of a Wimpy Kid (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid}}
* {{imdb title | id=1196141 | title=Diary of a Wimpy Kid}}

{{authority control}}

[[Category:2010 American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Diary of a Wimpy Kid|Diary of a Wimpy Kid 1]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]</text>
      <sha1>415q4tcmmuvzg75jlpx6d4gveg8kld0</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963208</id>
      <parentid>3963161</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:53:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Hank15752</username>
        <id>3287206</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Chirag Gupta */</comment>
      <origin>3963208</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11511" sha1="mwfd1pmbnkcvbsltkgp5paiuc2zd6p5" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010 film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid]]''''' is an American live-action/partly animated comedy film based on the book in the illustrated novel series of the same title by [[w:Jeff Kinney|Jeff Kinney]]. The film mainly stars [[w:Zachary Gordon|Zachary Gordon]] and [[w:Robert Capron|Robert Capron]]. Also starring in the film are [[w:Rachael Harris|Rachael Harris]], [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]], [[w:Devon Bostick|Devon Bostick]], and [[w:Chloë Moretz|Chloë Moretz]]. The film was released by [[w:20th Century Fox|20th Century Fox]] on March 19, 2010.
:''Directed by [[w:Thor Freudenthal|Thor Freudenthal]]. Written by [[w:Jackie Filgo|Jackie Filgo]], [[w:Jeff Filgo|Jeff Filgo]], [[w:Gabe Sachs|Gabe Sachs]], [[w:Jeff Judah|Jeff Judah]] and [[w:Jeff Kinney|Jeff Kinney]].''
{{center|'''It's not a diary, it's a movie!'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Greg Heffley==
* Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be the dumbest idea ever invented.
* Thank God there are a few normal people or this place would be a total freak show.
* ''[after getting teased by Quentin]'' Right now, I have to take abuse from these morons. But in twenty years, Quentin here will be workin' for me.
* She's a girl! Where do I grab her?

==Rowley Jefferson==
*''Hey, Greg! Wanna come over and play?
*So, wanna play ''Twisted Wizard''?
*''[repeated line]'' Zoo-wee-mama!
*Wow. Everyone knows me now. lt's like l'm famous!

==Chirag Gupta==
* ''[Sees Greg trying to touch the Cheese]'' STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch.
* The Cheese Touch. Nobody knows when or how, but one day, that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. ''[Scene flashes forward to before the Cheese became moldy]'' Nobody knew who it belonged to. Nobody touched it, nobody threw it away. So there it sat, growing more foul and powerful by the day. And then, one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. ''[Darren puts his finger on the Cheese]'' Darren had the Cheese Touch! ''[as kids run away from him in a panic]'' It was worse than nuclear cooties. He became an outcast. ''[Darren breaks down in tears in the hallway]'' The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch was by passing it on to someone else. ''[then Darren touches an unsuspecting girl, thus giving her the Cheese Touch]'' And so began the Cheese Touch frenzy! Friend turning on friend, brother turning on sister, it was madness! Until, a German exchange student named Dieter Müller took it away. ''[someone touches Dieter, giving the Cheese Touch, and everyone flees as Dieter speaks German, meaning he doesn't know what the Cheese Touch is]'' Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation. ''[the scene shows Dieter in the back of the trunk of a car, screaming as the car drives off into the distance]'' Thankfully, he moved back to Düsseldorf, and took the Cheese Touch with him. ''[Flash forward to the present]'' And so the Cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim.
*This is a terrible place!

==Fregley==
*Hey, guys. Wanna see my secret freckle? Check it out, ''[singsong voice]'' it’s got a hair in it!
*I guess this is where all the cool guys hang out.
*Wanna have a tickle fight?
*''[voiceover from the note Greg finds]'' Dear Gregory, I'm very sorry I chased you with a booger on my finger. Here, I put it on this paper so you can get me back.

==Patty Farrell==
*''[grunts]'' Come on! What are you waiting for, huh? Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. Make your move!
*Come on, Greg Heffley! Stop ruining the play like you ruin everything else! Don't make me come over there and beat you up again!
*Can I wrestle with somebody Good Now?

==Angie Steadman==
*It's completely barbaric. This place is an intellectual wasteland, but it's nice to meet a person more interested in his mind than his body.
*You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol? Are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder?
*You know, Patty? One day you'll wake up and all the things you thought were important won't be anymore.

==Rodrick Heffley==
* So, look. Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. It's real simple: don't talk to anyone, don't ''look'' at anyone, don't go anywhere, don't sit down, don't raise your hand, don't go to the bathroom, don't get noticed, don't choose the wrong locker, don't... ''[sighs]'' Who am I kidding? You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year anyway. ''[patting Greg's head]'' And don't be seen with Rowley.
* What did I tell you would happen if you ever went into my room again?﻿ 
* It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! Don't you know anything about music? Listen, I came here to get a new drumstick, and now Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, I'm going to kill you. Literally kill you!
* ''[to Rowley]'' Beat it.
* What? ''[Greg run offs. Rowley holds onto to Rodrick's leg to stop him]'' Let go, baby hippo!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Greg Heffley''': OK, first of all, let me get something straight, this is a ''journal'', not a diary. Yeah, I know what it says on the cover, but when my mom went out to buy this thing, I specifically told her not to buy the thing that says &quot;diary&quot; on it. This just proves that Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age.
:'''Bully''': Huh, Sissy! ''[punches Greg]''
:'''Greg''': The only reason why I agreed to write in this thing, is because one day, when I'm rich and famous, I'll have better things to do than answer people's stupid questions all day long.
:'''Reporter #1''': Gregory! Tell us about your childhood! 
:'''Reporter #2''': Were you ''always'' so smart and handsome?
:'''Greg''': Here's my journal. Now shoo, shoo.

&lt;hr width='50%'/&gt;
:'''Bully''': Jerk.
:'''Greg''': Rowley, if you had to say what you were ranked in terms of popularity from 1 to 200, where would you put yourself?
:'''Rowley Jefferson''': Is 200 good or bad?
:'''Greg''': I'd say you're somewhere around the 154 mark. I'd put myself around number 19 or 20. I might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year. If things will go the way I think they will.
:'''Rowley''': Well, who's at the bottom?
:'''Fregley''': Hey, guys! You wanna see my secret freckle? ''[lifts up his shirt]''
:'''Greg &amp; Rowley''': EEEWWW! 
:'''Greg''': ''[narrating]'' Fregley, sent home for hygiene issues at least once a month.
:'''Fregley''': Check it out. It's got a hair in it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angie Steadman''': It all starts in middle school, y'know. You're not a kid anymore, the coddling's stopped. Kids aren't separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on. The girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore. 
:'''Greg''': Okay, well it sounds like you've got it all figured out, so go back to your book.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chirag Gupta''': STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch!
:'''Greg''': The what?
:'''Chirag''': The Cheese Touch.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angie''': Y'know, I like your point of view. You should sign up for the school paper. We are the voice of the people. Well, the people are mostly idiots so I guess technically speaking we're the voice of the people making fun of the people.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greg''': We got to stay in this neighborhood the rest of the night.
:'''Rowley''': That guy gave two full-size Snickers!
:'''Greg''': Did I tell you or did I tell you? These people have money to burn. Can't believe we got this much candy. This is like the best day ever.
:'''Teenager''': Hey, reflector dude, nice costume! 
:'''Rowley''': Thanks! My mom made it...
:''[Suddenly, the teenager in the back of the truck sprays a fire extinguister in Greg and Rowley's face]''
:'''Greg''': I saw your plates! We're calling the cops! ''[Teenagers' truck stops and starts to back up]'' Uh-oh.
:'''Rowley''': Oh, boy.
:'''Greg''': RUN!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rowley''': Remember that secret language we made up last week?
:''[Flashback]''
:'''Greg''': ''[to Rowley, through walkie-talkie]'' Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa like-pa a woman-pa. ''[Greg and Rowley laugh, as Rowley's dad glares at them appalled]''
:''[Present]''
:'''Rowley''': I think he cracked our code.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greg''': Fun?! That's the exact opposite of fun! This entire year has been terrible and nobody even cares! My family, my best friend. Well, I'm sick of it. Somebody needs to pay!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Heffley garage, Rodrick and his bandmates are performing]''
:'''Susan''': ''[walks in; annoyed]'' Rodrick. Rodrick! I need to talk to you. Inside, now.
:''[Greg peeks from behind the door as he watches]''
:'''Rodrick''': Go ahead and talk. We're a band. We have no secrets.
:'''Susan''': Oh, okay. Fine. ''[holds up the magazine]'' What is this?
:'''Rodrick''': It's not mine.
:'''Susan''': It was in your backpack.
:'''Rodrick''': No, it was in my room.
:'''Susan''': ''[gives Rodrick a &quot;Really?&quot; look]'' Does owning this magazine make you a better person?
:'''Rodrick''': No.
:'''Susan''': Did it make you more popular at school?
:'''Rodrick''': ''[chuckles]'' Yes. No.
:'''Susan''': How do you feel about having owned this ''type'' of magazine?
:'''Rodrick''': Ashamed.
:'''Susan''': Do you have anything you wanna say to women for having owned this offensive magazine?
:'''Rodrick''': I'm sorry, women.
:''[His bandmates clap in applause]''
:'''Bandmate''': Yeah, women.
:'''Susan''': You're grounded…for two weeks.
:''[Greg smiles in satisfaction and leaves to his room]''
:'''Rodrick''': Okay, settle down, Susan. I think one week is plenty.
:'''Susan''': Make it four weeks, and I'm gonna need the keys to your van.
:'''Rodrick''': ''[shocked through gritted teeth]'' My van?!

== Taglines ==
* I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.
* How to be &lt;s&gt;wimp&lt;/s&gt; cool.
* Wimp is in!
* It's not a diary, it's a movie!
* It's not a movie, it's a ''survival'' guide.

==Cast==
* [[w:Zachary Gordon|Zachary Gordon]] as [[w:Greg Heffley|Greg Heffley]]
* [[w:Robert Capron|Robert Capron]] &amp;ndash; Rowley Jefferson
* [[w:Devon Bostick|Devon Bostick]] &amp;ndash; Rodrick Heffley
* [[w:Rachael Harris|Rachel Harris]] &amp;ndash; Susan Heffley 
* [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]] &amp;ndash; Frank Heffley
* [[w:Chloë Grace Moretz|Chloë Grace Moretz]] &amp;ndash; Angie Steadman
* [[w:Karan Brar|Karan Brar]] &amp;ndash; Chirag Gupta
* [[w:Grayson Russell|Grayson Russel]] &amp;ndash; Fregley
* [[w:Laine MacNeil|Laine MacNeil]] &amp;ndash; Patty Farrell
* [[w:Connor Fielding|Connor Fielding]] and [[w:Owen Fielding|Owen Fielding]] &amp;ndash; Manny Heffley
* [[w:Alex Ferris|Alex Ferris]] as Collin Lee
* [[w:Andrew McNee|Andrew McNee]] &amp;ndash; Coach Malone
* [[w:Rob LaBelle|Rob LaBelle]] &amp;ndash; Mr. Winsky
* [[w:Alf Humphreys|Alf Humphreys]] &amp;ndash; Mr. Jefferson
* [[w:Belita Moreno|Belita Moreno]] &amp;ndash; Mrs. Norton
* [[w:Harrison Houde|Harrison Houde]] &amp;ndash; Darren Walsh

==See also==
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules]]''
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days]]''
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul]]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Diary of a Wimpy Kid (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid}}
* {{imdb title | id=1196141 | title=Diary of a Wimpy Kid}}

{{authority control}}

[[Category:2010 American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Diary of a Wimpy Kid|Diary of a Wimpy Kid 1]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]</text>
      <sha1>mwfd1pmbnkcvbsltkgp5paiuc2zd6p5</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963213</id>
      <parentid>3963208</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T21:04:45Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Hank15752</username>
        <id>3287206</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Rodrick Heffley */</comment>
      <origin>3963213</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11526" sha1="ewycnutc5g8aevejownylodh6869pxy" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010 film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid]]''''' is an American live-action/partly animated comedy film based on the book in the illustrated novel series of the same title by [[w:Jeff Kinney|Jeff Kinney]]. The film mainly stars [[w:Zachary Gordon|Zachary Gordon]] and [[w:Robert Capron|Robert Capron]]. Also starring in the film are [[w:Rachael Harris|Rachael Harris]], [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]], [[w:Devon Bostick|Devon Bostick]], and [[w:Chloë Moretz|Chloë Moretz]]. The film was released by [[w:20th Century Fox|20th Century Fox]] on March 19, 2010.
:''Directed by [[w:Thor Freudenthal|Thor Freudenthal]]. Written by [[w:Jackie Filgo|Jackie Filgo]], [[w:Jeff Filgo|Jeff Filgo]], [[w:Gabe Sachs|Gabe Sachs]], [[w:Jeff Judah|Jeff Judah]] and [[w:Jeff Kinney|Jeff Kinney]].''
{{center|'''It's not a diary, it's a movie!'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Greg Heffley==
* Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be the dumbest idea ever invented.
* Thank God there are a few normal people or this place would be a total freak show.
* ''[after getting teased by Quentin]'' Right now, I have to take abuse from these morons. But in twenty years, Quentin here will be workin' for me.
* She's a girl! Where do I grab her?

==Rowley Jefferson==
*''Hey, Greg! Wanna come over and play?
*So, wanna play ''Twisted Wizard''?
*''[repeated line]'' Zoo-wee-mama!
*Wow. Everyone knows me now. lt's like l'm famous!

==Chirag Gupta==
* ''[Sees Greg trying to touch the Cheese]'' STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch.
* The Cheese Touch. Nobody knows when or how, but one day, that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. ''[Scene flashes forward to before the Cheese became moldy]'' Nobody knew who it belonged to. Nobody touched it, nobody threw it away. So there it sat, growing more foul and powerful by the day. And then, one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. ''[Darren puts his finger on the Cheese]'' Darren had the Cheese Touch! ''[as kids run away from him in a panic]'' It was worse than nuclear cooties. He became an outcast. ''[Darren breaks down in tears in the hallway]'' The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch was by passing it on to someone else. ''[then Darren touches an unsuspecting girl, thus giving her the Cheese Touch]'' And so began the Cheese Touch frenzy! Friend turning on friend, brother turning on sister, it was madness! Until, a German exchange student named Dieter Müller took it away. ''[someone touches Dieter, giving the Cheese Touch, and everyone flees as Dieter speaks German, meaning he doesn't know what the Cheese Touch is]'' Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation. ''[the scene shows Dieter in the back of the trunk of a car, screaming as the car drives off into the distance]'' Thankfully, he moved back to Düsseldorf, and took the Cheese Touch with him. ''[Flash forward to the present]'' And so the Cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim.
*This is a terrible place!

==Fregley==
*Hey, guys. Wanna see my secret freckle? Check it out, ''[singsong voice]'' it’s got a hair in it!
*I guess this is where all the cool guys hang out.
*Wanna have a tickle fight?
*''[voiceover from the note Greg finds]'' Dear Gregory, I'm very sorry I chased you with a booger on my finger. Here, I put it on this paper so you can get me back.

==Patty Farrell==
*''[grunts]'' Come on! What are you waiting for, huh? Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. Make your move!
*Come on, Greg Heffley! Stop ruining the play like you ruin everything else! Don't make me come over there and beat you up again!
*Can I wrestle with somebody Good Now?

==Angie Steadman==
*It's completely barbaric. This place is an intellectual wasteland, but it's nice to meet a person more interested in his mind than his body.
*You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol? Are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder?
*You know, Patty? One day you'll wake up and all the things you thought were important won't be anymore.

==Rodrick Heffley==
* So, look. Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. It's real simple: don't talk to anyone, don't ''look'' at anyone, don't go anywhere, don't sit down, don't raise your hand, don't go to the bathroom, don't get noticed, don't choose the wrong locker, don't... ''[sighs]'' Who am I kidding? You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year anyway. ''[patting Greg's head]'' And don't be seen with Rowley.
* What did I tell you would happen if you ever went into my room again?﻿ 
* It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! Don't you know anything about music? Listen, I came here to get a new drumstick, and now Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, I'm going to ''kill you.'' Literally, '''''kill''''' you!
* ''[to Rowley]'' Beat it.
* What? ''[Greg run offs. Rowley holds onto to Rodrick's leg to stop him]'' Let go, baby hippo!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Greg Heffley''': OK, first of all, let me get something straight, this is a ''journal'', not a diary. Yeah, I know what it says on the cover, but when my mom went out to buy this thing, I specifically told her not to buy the thing that says &quot;diary&quot; on it. This just proves that Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age.
:'''Bully''': Huh, Sissy! ''[punches Greg]''
:'''Greg''': The only reason why I agreed to write in this thing, is because one day, when I'm rich and famous, I'll have better things to do than answer people's stupid questions all day long.
:'''Reporter #1''': Gregory! Tell us about your childhood! 
:'''Reporter #2''': Were you ''always'' so smart and handsome?
:'''Greg''': Here's my journal. Now shoo, shoo.

&lt;hr width='50%'/&gt;
:'''Bully''': Jerk.
:'''Greg''': Rowley, if you had to say what you were ranked in terms of popularity from 1 to 200, where would you put yourself?
:'''Rowley Jefferson''': Is 200 good or bad?
:'''Greg''': I'd say you're somewhere around the 154 mark. I'd put myself around number 19 or 20. I might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year. If things will go the way I think they will.
:'''Rowley''': Well, who's at the bottom?
:'''Fregley''': Hey, guys! You wanna see my secret freckle? ''[lifts up his shirt]''
:'''Greg &amp; Rowley''': EEEWWW! 
:'''Greg''': ''[narrating]'' Fregley, sent home for hygiene issues at least once a month.
:'''Fregley''': Check it out. It's got a hair in it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angie Steadman''': It all starts in middle school, y'know. You're not a kid anymore, the coddling's stopped. Kids aren't separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on. The girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore. 
:'''Greg''': Okay, well it sounds like you've got it all figured out, so go back to your book.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chirag Gupta''': STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch!
:'''Greg''': The what?
:'''Chirag''': The Cheese Touch.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angie''': Y'know, I like your point of view. You should sign up for the school paper. We are the voice of the people. Well, the people are mostly idiots so I guess technically speaking we're the voice of the people making fun of the people.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greg''': We got to stay in this neighborhood the rest of the night.
:'''Rowley''': That guy gave two full-size Snickers!
:'''Greg''': Did I tell you or did I tell you? These people have money to burn. Can't believe we got this much candy. This is like the best day ever.
:'''Teenager''': Hey, reflector dude, nice costume! 
:'''Rowley''': Thanks! My mom made it...
:''[Suddenly, the teenager in the back of the truck sprays a fire extinguister in Greg and Rowley's face]''
:'''Greg''': I saw your plates! We're calling the cops! ''[Teenagers' truck stops and starts to back up]'' Uh-oh.
:'''Rowley''': Oh, boy.
:'''Greg''': RUN!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rowley''': Remember that secret language we made up last week?
:''[Flashback]''
:'''Greg''': ''[to Rowley, through walkie-talkie]'' Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa like-pa a woman-pa. ''[Greg and Rowley laugh, as Rowley's dad glares at them appalled]''
:''[Present]''
:'''Rowley''': I think he cracked our code.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greg''': Fun?! That's the exact opposite of fun! This entire year has been terrible and nobody even cares! My family, my best friend. Well, I'm sick of it. Somebody needs to pay!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Heffley garage, Rodrick and his bandmates are performing]''
:'''Susan''': ''[walks in; annoyed]'' Rodrick. Rodrick! I need to talk to you. Inside, now.
:''[Greg peeks from behind the door as he watches]''
:'''Rodrick''': Go ahead and talk. We're a band. We have no secrets.
:'''Susan''': Oh, okay. Fine. ''[holds up the magazine]'' What is this?
:'''Rodrick''': It's not mine.
:'''Susan''': It was in your backpack.
:'''Rodrick''': No, it was in my room.
:'''Susan''': ''[gives Rodrick a &quot;Really?&quot; look]'' Does owning this magazine make you a better person?
:'''Rodrick''': No.
:'''Susan''': Did it make you more popular at school?
:'''Rodrick''': ''[chuckles]'' Yes. No.
:'''Susan''': How do you feel about having owned this ''type'' of magazine?
:'''Rodrick''': Ashamed.
:'''Susan''': Do you have anything you wanna say to women for having owned this offensive magazine?
:'''Rodrick''': I'm sorry, women.
:''[His bandmates clap in applause]''
:'''Bandmate''': Yeah, women.
:'''Susan''': You're grounded…for two weeks.
:''[Greg smiles in satisfaction and leaves to his room]''
:'''Rodrick''': Okay, settle down, Susan. I think one week is plenty.
:'''Susan''': Make it four weeks, and I'm gonna need the keys to your van.
:'''Rodrick''': ''[shocked through gritted teeth]'' My van?!

== Taglines ==
* I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.
* How to be &lt;s&gt;wimp&lt;/s&gt; cool.
* Wimp is in!
* It's not a diary, it's a movie!
* It's not a movie, it's a ''survival'' guide.

==Cast==
* [[w:Zachary Gordon|Zachary Gordon]] as [[w:Greg Heffley|Greg Heffley]]
* [[w:Robert Capron|Robert Capron]] &amp;ndash; Rowley Jefferson
* [[w:Devon Bostick|Devon Bostick]] &amp;ndash; Rodrick Heffley
* [[w:Rachael Harris|Rachel Harris]] &amp;ndash; Susan Heffley 
* [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]] &amp;ndash; Frank Heffley
* [[w:Chloë Grace Moretz|Chloë Grace Moretz]] &amp;ndash; Angie Steadman
* [[w:Karan Brar|Karan Brar]] &amp;ndash; Chirag Gupta
* [[w:Grayson Russell|Grayson Russel]] &amp;ndash; Fregley
* [[w:Laine MacNeil|Laine MacNeil]] &amp;ndash; Patty Farrell
* [[w:Connor Fielding|Connor Fielding]] and [[w:Owen Fielding|Owen Fielding]] &amp;ndash; Manny Heffley
* [[w:Alex Ferris|Alex Ferris]] as Collin Lee
* [[w:Andrew McNee|Andrew McNee]] &amp;ndash; Coach Malone
* [[w:Rob LaBelle|Rob LaBelle]] &amp;ndash; Mr. Winsky
* [[w:Alf Humphreys|Alf Humphreys]] &amp;ndash; Mr. Jefferson
* [[w:Belita Moreno|Belita Moreno]] &amp;ndash; Mrs. Norton
* [[w:Harrison Houde|Harrison Houde]] &amp;ndash; Darren Walsh

==See also==
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules]]''
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days]]''
* ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul]]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Diary of a Wimpy Kid (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid}}
* {{imdb title | id=1196141 | title=Diary of a Wimpy Kid}}

{{authority control}}

[[Category:2010 American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Diary of a Wimpy Kid|Diary of a Wimpy Kid 1]]
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      <text bytes="59847" sha1="j7kzi5b2sbj42hpspiw55k0oxe25cng" xml:space="preserve">[[File:World Brain HG Wells 1938.jpg|thumb|A great new world is struggling into existence.]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:World Brain|World Brain]]''''' is a collection of essays and addresses the English [[w:science fiction|science fiction]] pioneer, [[w:social reform|social reformer]], evolutionary biologist and historian [[H. G. Wells]] authored during the period 1936–38.

Throughout the book, Wells elaborates his vision of World Brain, or more explicitly, a new, free, synthetic, authoritative, permanent World Encyclopaedia that could help the world citizens make the best use of universal information resources and make the best contribution to the world peace. There underlie [[w:egalitarianism|egalitarianism]] and [[w:utilitarianism|utilitarianism]] in sharp contrast to commercial [[w:encyclopedia|encyclopedia]]s published &quot;for gentlemen by gentlemen&quot;. A union of [[w:Google|Google]] and [[w:Wikimedia Foundation|Wikimedia Foundation]], however, may roughly look like his utopian dream coming true.{{cn|date=October 2020}}

== Preface ==
* &lt;span id=&quot;The human individual&quot;&gt;The human individual is born now to live in a society for which his fundamental instincts are altogether inadequate. He has to be educated systematically for his social rôle. The social man is a manufactured product of which the natural man is the raw nucleus. (p. vii) &lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=&quot;There has been&quot;&gt; There has been ... an enormous waste of human mental and physical resources in premature revolutionary thrusts, ill-planned, dogmatic, essentially unscientific reconstructions and restorations of the social order, during the past hundred years. This was the inevitable first result of the discrediting of those old and superseded mental adaptations which were embodied in the institutions and education of the past. They discredited themselves and left the world full of problems. (p. xiii) &lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=&quot;We do not want dictators&quot;&gt;We do not want dictators, we do not want oligarchic parties or class rule, we want a widespread world intelligence conscious of itself. To work out a way to that world brain organization is therefore our primary need in this age of imperative construction. (p. xvi) &lt;/span&gt;

== World Encyclopaedia ==
: Lecture delivered at the Royal Institution of Great Britain, November 20th, 1936 (pp. 3-35)
* &lt;span id=&quot;My particular line&quot;&gt;My particular line of country has always been generalization of synthesis. I dislike isolated events and disconnected details. I really hate statements, views, prejudices and beliefs that jump at you suddenly out of mid-air. I like my world as coherent and consistent as possible. So far at any rate my temperament is that of a scientific man. And that is why I have spent a few score thousand hours of my particular allotment of vitality in making outlines of history, short histories of the world, general accounts of the science of life, attempts to bring economic, financial and social life into one conspectus and even, still more desperate, struggles to estimate the possible consequences of this or that set of operating causes upon the future of mankind. All these attempts had profound and conspicuous faults and weaknesses; even my friends are apt to mention them with an apologetic smile; presumptuous and preposterous they were, I admit, but I look back upon them, completely unabashed. Somebody had to break the ice. Somebody had to try out such summaries on the general mind. My reply to the superior critic has always been ... &quot;Damn you, do it better.&quot; (pp. 3-4) &lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=This_World_Encyclopaedia&gt;This World Encyclopaedia would be the mental background of every intelligent man in the world. It would be alive and growing and changing continually under revision, extension and replacement from the original thinkers in the world everywhere. Every university and research institution should be feeding it. Every fresh mind should be brought into contact with its standing editorial organization. And on the other hand, its contents would be the standard source of material for the instructional side of school and college work, for the verification of facts and the testing of statements -- everywhere in the world. Even journalists would deign to use it; even newspaper proprietors might be made to respect it. (p. 14)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=&quot;I will introduce&quot;&gt;I will introduce a phrase ''New Encyclopaedism'' [...] I want to suggest that something -- a new social organ, a new institution -- which for a time I shall call ''World Encyclopaedia'', is the means whereby we can solve the problem of that jigsaw puzzle and bring all the scattered and ineffective mental wealth of our world into something like a common understanding, and into effective reaction upon our vulgar everyday political, social and economic life. [...] I am sketching what is really a scheme for the reorganization and reorientation of education and information throughout the world. No less. (p. 17)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=The_modern_World_Encyclopaedia&gt;The modern World Encyclopaedia should consist of relations, extracts, quotations, very carefully assembled with the approval of outstanding authorities in each subject, carefully collated and edited and critically presented. It would not be a miscellany, but a concentration, a clarification and a synthesis. (p. 20)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=This_World_Encyclopaedia&gt; This World Encyclopaedia would be the mental background of every intelligent man in the world. It would be alive and growing and changing continually under revision, extension and replacement from the original thinkers in the world everywhere. Every university and research institution should be feeding it. Every fresh mind should be brought into contact with its standing editorial organization .... It would do just what our scattered and disoriented intellectual organizations of today fall short of doing. It would hold the world together mentally. (pp. 20-21)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=To_the_specialist&gt; To [the specialist] even more than to the common intelligent man World Encyclopaedia is going to be of value because it is going to afford him an intelligible statement of what is being done by workers parallel with himself. And further it will be giving him the general statement of his own subject that is being made to the world at large. He can watch that closely .... He will be able to criticize the presentation of his subject, to suggest amendments and re-statements. (p. 24)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=&quot;I am not saying&quot;&gt;I am not saying ...; what I am saying ... is this, that without a World Encyclopaedia to hold men's minds together in something like a common interpretation of reality, there is no hope whatever of anything but an accidental and transitory alleviation of any of our world troubles. (pp. 34-5) &lt;/span&gt;

== The Brain Organization of the Modern World ==
: Lecture delivered in America, October and November, 1937. (pp. 39-80)
* &lt;span id=&quot;For half a century&quot;&gt;For half a century I have resisted temptations to lecture in America -- if for no reason than the inefficiency of my voice. But the microphone is a great leveller and here I am at last on terms of practical equality with your most audible speakers and very glad indeed of this belated opportunity of talking to you. I want to talk to you about an idea which seems to me to be a very important one indeed. I want to interest you in it, and if possible find out what you think of it. I call that idea for reasons I shall try to make clear as I proceed, ''The New Encyclopaedism'', and the gist of it is that the time is ripe for a very extensive revision and modernization of the intellectual organization of the world. Can I put it more plainly than that? Perhaps I can. &lt;br&gt; Our world is changing and it is changing with an ever-increasing violence. An old world dies about us. A new world struggles into existence. But it is not developing the brain and the sensitiveness and delicacy necessary for its new life. That is the essence of what I have to say. (pp. 39-40)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=We_have_been&gt;We have been gradually brought to the pitch of imagining and framing our preliminary ideas of a federal world control of such things as communications, health, money, economic adjustments, and the suppression of crime. In all these material things we have begun to foresee the possibility of a world-wide network being woven between all men about the earth. So much of the World Peace has been brought into the range of -- what shall I call it? -- the general imagination. But I do not think we have yet given sufficient attention to the prior necessity, of linking together its mental organizations into a much closer accord than obtains at the present time. All these ideas of unifying mankind's affairs depend ultimately for their realization on mankind having a unified mind for the job. The want of such effective mental unification is the key to most of our present frustrations. While men's minds are still confused, their social and political relations will remain in confusion, however great the forces that are grinding them against each other and however tragic and monstrous the consequences. (p.57-8)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=We_are_living&gt;We are living in 1937, and our universities, I suggest, are not half-way out of the fifteenth century. We have made hardly any changes in our conception of university organization, education, graduation, for a century -- for several centuries. The three or four years' course of lectures, the bachelor who knows some, the master who knows ''most'', the doctor who knows ''all'', are ideas that have come down unimpaired from the Middle Ages. Nowadays no one should end his learning while he lives and these university degrees are preposterous. It is true that we have multiplied universities greatly in the past hundred years, but we seem to have multiplied them altogether too much upon the old pattern. [...] [A] new university is just another imitation of all the old universities that have ever been. Educationally we are still for all practical purposes in the coach and horse and galley stage. (pp. 64-65) &lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=The_educated_specialist&gt;[The educated specialist] can increase knowledge, but without a modern organization backing him he cannot put it over. He can increase knowledge which ultimately is power, but he cannot at the same time control and spread this power that he creates. It has to be made generally available if it is not to be monopolized in the wrong hands. (p. 66)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=A_great_new_world&gt;A great new world is struggling into existence. But its struggle remains catastrophic until it can produce an adequate knowledge organization ... An immense, an ever-increasing wealth of knowledge is scattered about the world today, a wealth of knowledge and suggestion that – systematically ordered and generally disseminated – would probably give this giant vision and direction and suffice to solve all the mighty difficulties of our age, but the knowledge is still dispersed, unorganized, impotent in the face of adventurous violence and mass excitement. (p.66-67)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=An_immense&gt; An immense and ever-increasing wealth of knowledge is scattered about the world today, a wealth of knowledge and suggestion that -- systematically ordered and generally disseminated -- would probably give this giant vision and direction and suffice to solve all the mighty difficulties of our age, but that knowledge is still dispersed, unorganized, impotent in the face of adventurous violence and mass excitement. (p. 67)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=I_put_forward&gt;I put forward this new encyclopaedism as a possible method, the only possible method I can imagine, of bringing the universities and research institutions of the world into effective co-operation and creating an intellectual authority sufficient to control and direct our collective life. I imagine it as a permanent institution -- untrammeled by precedent, a new institution -- something ''added'' to the world network of universities, linking and co-ordinating them with one another and with the general intelligence of the world. (p. 68)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=A_World_Encyclopaedia&gt; A World Encyclopaedia no longer represents itself to a modern imagination as a row of volumes printed and published once for all, but as a sort of mental clearing house for the mind, a depot where knowledge and ideas are received, sorted, summarized, digested, clarified and compared. It would be in continual correspondence with every university, every research institution, very competent discussion, every survey, every statistical bureau in the world. It would develop a directorate and a staff of men of its own type, specialized editors and summarists. They would be very important and distinguished men in the new world. The Encyclopaedic organization need not be concentrated now in one place; it might have the form of a network. It would centralize mentally but not physically. Quite possibly it might to a large extent be duplicated. It is its files and its conference rooms which would be the core of its being, the essential Encyclopaedia. It would constitute the material beginning of a real World Brain. (pp. 69-70)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=While_I_believe&gt; So that while I believe that ultimately the knowledge systems of the world must be concentrated in this world brain, this permanent central Encyclopaedic organization with a local habitat and world-wide range . . . yet nevertheless I suggest that to begin with, the evocation of the World Encyclopaedia may begin at divergent points and will be all the better for beginning at divergent points. (p. 74)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=It_seems_possible&gt; It seems possible that in the near future, we shall have microscopic libraries of record, in which a photograph of every important book and document in the world will be stowed away and made easily available for the inspection of the student.... The general public has still to realize how much has been done in this field and how many competent and disinterested men and women are giving themselves to this task. The time is close at hand when any student, in any part of the world, will be able to sit with his projector in his own study at his or her convenience to examine ''any'' book, ''any'' document, in an exact replica. (pp. 76-77)&lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=And_for_me&gt; And for me at any rate this  [prediction] is no Utopian dream. It is a forecast, however inaccurate and insufficient, of an absolutely essential part of that world community to which I believe we are driving now .... I have been talking of real intellectual forces and foreshadowing the emergence of a vital reality. I have been talking of something which may even be recognizably in active operation within a lifetime -- or a lifetime or so, from now -- this consciously and deliberately organized brain for all mankind. (pp. 79-80) &lt;/span&gt;

== The Idea of a Permanent World Encyclopedia ==
: Contribution to the new Encyclopédie Française, August, 1937 (pp. 83-88).

* &lt;span id=&quot;&quot;&gt;It is probable that the idea of an encyclopaedia may undergo very considerable extension and elaboration in the near future. Its full possibilities have still to be realized. The encyclopaedias of the past have sufficed for the needs of a cultivated minority. They were written &quot;for gentlemen by gentlemen&quot; in a world wherein universal education was unthought of, and where the institutions of modern democracy with universal suffrage, so necessary in many respects, so difficult and dangerous in their working, had still to appear. Throughout the nineteenth century encyclopaedias followed the eighteenth-century scale and pattern, in spite both of a gigantic increase in recorded knowledge and of a still more gigantic growth in the numbers of human beings requiring accurate and easily accessible information. At first this disproportion was scarcely noted, and its consequences not at all. But many people now are coming to recognize that our contemporary encyclopaedias are still in the coach-and-horses phase of development, rather than in the phase of the automobile and the aeroplane. Encyclopaedic enterprise has not kept pace with material progress. These observers realize that modern facilities of transport, radio, photographic reproduction and so forth are rendering practicable a much more fully succinct and accessible assembly of fact and ideas than was ever possible before. (p. 83-4)  &lt;/span&gt;
* [https://sherlock.ischool.berkeley.edu/wells/world_brain.html more...]

== Passage from a Speech ==
: Passage from a Speech to the Congrès of Mondial de la Documentation Universelle, Paris, August 20th, 1937 (pp. 91-93).

* &lt;span id=Plainly_we_have&gt; Plainly we have to make a centralized and uniform organization but, as Mr. Watson Davis &lt;ref&gt;Watson Davis&lt;ul&gt;&lt;li&gt;The founder and first president (1937-46) of [[w:American Documentation Institute|ADI]], now [[w:American Society for Information Science and Technology|ASIS]] &lt;li&gt; The director (1928-67) of [[w:Science Service|Science Service]] cf. [[w:Science News|Science News]], [[w:Science fair|Science fair]], etc.&lt;li&gt;[[w:Things of Science|Things of Science]], [http://ecg.mit.edu/george/tos/ Redicovering Things of Science] &lt;li&gt; [http://www.libsci.sc.edu/bob/ISP/davis.htm Information science pioneers] &lt;li&gt;[http://people.ischool.berkeley.edu/~buckland/goldbush.html Microfilm selector (1935)] &lt;/ul&gt;&lt;/ref&gt; is here to remind us, it need not have any single local habitation because the continually increasing facilities of photocopy render reduplication of our indices and records continually easier. In these days of destruction, violence and general insecurity, it is comforting to think that the brain of mankind, the race brain, can exist in numerous replicas throughout the world. (pp. 91-2) &lt;/span&gt;

== The Informative Content of Education ==
: Presidential Address to the Educational Science Section of the British Association for the Advancement of Science, September 12th, 1937 (pp. 97-130)
&lt;UL&gt;
&lt;LI ID=&quot;98-9&quot;&gt; I have been keenly interested for a number of years, and particularly since the War, in public thought and public reactions, in what people know and think and what they are ready to believe impresses me as remarkably poor stuff. A general ignorance -- even in respectable quarters -- of some of the most elementary realities of the political and social life of the world is, I believe, mainly accountable for much of the discomfort and menace of our times. The uninstructed public intelligence of our community is feeble and convulsive. It is still a herd intelligence. It tyrannizes here and yields to tyranny there. What is called elementary education throughout the world does not in fact educate, because it does not properly inform. I realized this very acutely during the later stages of the War and it has been plain in my mind ever since. It led to my taking an active part in the production of various outlines and summaries of contemporary knowledge. Necessarily they had the defects and limitations of a private adventure, but in making them I learnt a great deal about -- what shall I say? -- the contents of the minds our schools are turning out as taught. (pp. 98-9)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;99&quot;&gt; I suggest [...] that we concentrate on the inquiry: ''What are we telling young people directly about the world in which they are to live?'' What is the world picture we are presenting to their minds? What is the framework of conceptions about reality and about obligation into which the rest of their mental existencies will have to be fitted? I am proposing in fact a review of the ''informative side of education'', wholly and solely -- informative in relation to the needs of modern life. (p. 99)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;100&quot;&gt; Every schoolmaster, every teacher, nearly every professor must, by the nature of his calling, be wary, diplomatic, compromising -- he has his governors to consider, his college to consider, his  parents to consider, the local press to consider; he must not say too much nor say  anything that might be misinterpreted and misunderstood. I can. And so I think I can best serve the purposes of [education reform] by taking every advantage of my irresponsibility, being as unorthodox and provocative as I can be, and so possibly saying a thing or two which you are not free to say but which some of you at any rate will be more or less willing to have said. (p. 100)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;101&quot;&gt; As educators we are going to ask what is the subject-matter of a general education? What do we want known? And how do we want it known? What is the essential framework of knowledge that should be established in the normal citizen of our modern community? What is the irreducible minimum of knowledge for a responsible human being today? (p. 101)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;101-2&quot;&gt; Under contemporary conditions our only prospect of securing a mental accord throughout the community is by laying a common foundation of knowledge and ideas in the school years. No one believes today, as our grandparents [...] believed, that education had an end somewhen about adolescence. Young people then left school or college under the imputation that no one could teach them any more. There has been a quiet but complete revolution in people's ideas in this respect and now it is recognized almost universally that people in a modern community must be learners to the end of their days. [...] Our modern ideas seem to be a continuation of learning not only for university graduages and practitioners in the so- called intellectual professions, but for the miner, the plough-boy, the taxi-cab driver, and the out-of-work, throughout life. Our ultimate aim is an entirely educated population. (pp. 101-2)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;102-3&quot;&gt; [...] it is true that what I may call the beams and girders of the mental framework must be laid down, soundly or unsoundly, before the close of adolescence. [...] And even if we were free to carry on with unlimited time and unrestrained teaching resources, it would still be in those opening years that the framework of the mind would have to be made. (pp. 102-3)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;103&quot;&gt; The maximum school hours we have available [in the week] are something round about thirty, but out of this we have to take time for what I may call the non-informative teaching, teaching to read, teaching to write clearly, the native and foreign language teaching, basic mathematical work, drawing, various forms of manual training, music and so forth. A certain amount of information may be mixed in with these subjects but not very much. They are not what I mean by informative subjects. (p. 103)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;105&quot;&gt; If the teachers we have today are not equal to the task required of them, then we have to recondition our teachers or replace them. We live in an exacting world and a certain minimum of performance is required of us all. If children are not to be given at least this minimum of information about the world into which they have come -- through no fault of their own -- then I do think it would be better for them and the world if they were not born at all. &lt;ref&gt; [more...] And to make what I have to say as clear as possible I have had a [[diagram]] designed which I will unfold to you as my explanation unfolds. &lt;/ref&gt; (p. 105)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;113-4&quot;&gt; We are telling our young people about the real past, the majestic expansion of terrestrial events. In these events the little region of Palestine is no more than a part of the highway between Egypt and Mesopotamia. Is there any real reason nowadays for exaggerating its importance in the past? Nothing really began there, nothing was worked out there. All the historical part of the Bible abounds in wild exaggeration of the importance of this little strip of land. We were all brought up to believe in the magnificence of Solomon's temple and it is a startling thing for most of us to read the account of its decorations over again and turn its cubits into feet. It was smaller most barns. We all know the peculiar delight of devout people when, amidst the endless remains of the great empires of the past, some dubious fragment is found to confirm the existence of the Hebrews. Is it not time that we recognized the relative historical insignificance of the events recorded in Kings and Chronicles, and ceased to throw the historical imagination of our young people out of perspective by an over-emphasized magnification of the national history of Judea? To me this lack of proportion in our contemporary historical teaching seems largely responsible for the present troubles of the world. The political imagination of our times is a hunch-back imagination bent down under an exaggeration. It is becoming a matter of life and death to the world to straighten that backbone and reduce that frightful nationalist hunch. (pp. 113-4)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;114-5&quot;&gt; Look at our time-table and what we have to teach. [...] Even if we think it desirable to perplex another generation with the myths of the Creation, the Flood, the Chosen People and so forth, even if we want to bias it politically with tales of battles and triumphs and ancient grievances, we haven't got the time for it -- any more than we have the time for the really quite unedifying records of all the Kings and Queens of England and their claims on this and that. So far as the school time-table goes we are faced with a plain alternative. One thing or the other. Great history and hole-in-corner history? The story of mankind or the narrow, self-righteous, blinkered stories of the British Islands and the Jews? (p. 114-5)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;117-8&quot;&gt; I admit we cannot have a modern education without a modernized type of teachers. A teacher enlarged and released. Many of our teachers [...] are shockingly illiterate and ignorant. Often they know nothing but school subjects; sometimes they scarcely know ''them''. [...] Everything I am  saying now implies a demand for more and better teachers -- better paid, with  better equipment. And these teachers will have to be kept ''fresh''. It is stipulated in most leases that we should paint our houses outside every three years and inside every even years, but nobody ever thinks of doing up a school teacher. There are teachers at work in this country who haven't been painted inside for fifty years. They must be damp and rotten and very unhealthy for all who come in contact with them. Two thirds of the teaching profession now is in urgent need of being either reconditioned or super annuated. In this advancing world the reconditioning of [them] is becoming a very urgent problem indeed. (pp. 117-8)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;120-1&quot;&gt; For the next five-and-twenty years now the ordinary man all over the earth will be continually confronted with these systems of ideas. &lt;ref&gt;''That is'', &quot;the increasing importance of economic changes in history and the search for competent economic direction and also of the leading theories of individualism, socialism, the corporate state, communism.&quot; &lt;/ref&gt; They are complicated systems with many implications and applications. Indeed they are aspects of life rather than systems of ideas. But we send out our young people absolutely unprepared for the heated and biased interpretations they will encounter. We hush it up until they in the thick of it. And can we complain of the consequences? The most the poor silly young things seem able to make of it is to be violently and self-righteously Anti-something or other. Anti-Red, Anti-capitalist, Anti-Fascist. The more ignorant you are the easier it is to be an  Anti. To hate something without having something substantial to put against it. Blame something else. (pp. 120-1)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;121&quot;&gt; Clearly parallel to this history [of war] our young people need now a more detailed and explicit acquaintance with world geography, with the different types of population in the world and the developed and undeveloped resources of the globe. The devastation of the world's forest, the replacement of pasture by sand deserts through haphazard cultivation, the waste and exhaustion of natural resources, coal, petrol, water, that is now going on, the massacre of important animals, whales, penguins, seals, food fish, should be matters of universal knowledge and concern. (p. 121)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;122-3&quot;&gt; Then our new citizens have to understand something of the broad elements in our modern social structure. They should be given an account of the present phase of communication and trade, of production and invention and above all they need whatever plain knowledge is available about the conventions of property and money. Upon these interrelated concentions human society rests, and the efficiency of their working is entirely dependent upon the general state of mind throughout the world. We know now that what used to be called the inexorable laws of political economy and the laws of monetary science, are really no more than rash generalizations about human behaviour, supported by a maximum of pompous verbiate and a minimum of scientific observation. Most of our young people come on to adult life, to employment business and the rest of it, blankly ignorant even of the way in which money has changed slavery and serfdom into wages employment and of how its fluctuations in value make the industrial windmills spin or flag. They are not even warned of the significance of such works as [[inflation]] or [[deflation]], and so the wage-earners are the helpless prey at every turn towards prosperity of the savings-snatching financier. Any plausible monetary charlatan can secure their ignorant votes. They know no better. They cannot help themselves. Yet the subject of property and money -- together they make one subject because money is only the fluid form of property -- is scarcely touched upon in any stage in the education of any class in our community. They know nothing about it; they are as innocent as young lambs and born like them for shearing. (pp. 122-3)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;123-4&quot;&gt;A mean atmosphere makes mean people, a too competitive atmosphere makes greedy, self-glorifying people, a cruel atmosphere makes fierce people, but this issue of moral tone does not concern us now here. But it does concern us that by adolescence the time has arrived for general ideas about one's personal relationship to the universe to be faced. The primary propositions of the chief religious and philosophical interpretations of the world should be put as plainly and impartially as possible before our young people. They will be asking those perennial questions of adolescence -- whence and why and whither. They will have to face, almost at once, the heated and exciting propagandas of theological and sceptical partisans -- pro's and anti's. So far as possible we ought to provide a ring of clear knowledge for these inevitable fights. And also, as the more practical aspect of the question, What am I to do with my life? (pp. 123-4)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;125-6&quot;&gt; It seems to me altogether preposterous that nowadays our educational organization should turn out our new citizens who are blankly ignorant of the history of the world during the last twenty-five years who know nothing of the causes and phases of the Great War and are left to the tender mercies of freakish news-paper proprietors and party organizers for their ideas about the world outlook, upon which their collective wills and actions must play a decisive part. (pp. 125-6)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;126-7&quot;&gt; We are all agreed [...] that the general interest of the community should not be sacrificed to Private Profit. Yes -- beautiful, but what is not realized is that Socialism in itself is little more than a generalization about the undesirability of irresponsible ownership and that the major problem before the world is to devise come form of administrative organization that will work better than the scamole of irresponsible owners. That form of administrative organization has not yet been devised. You cannot expropriate the private adventurer until you have devised a ''competent receiver'' for the expropriated industry or service. This complex problem of the ''competent receiver'' is the underlying problem of most of our constructive politics. &lt;!--It is imperative that every voter should have some conception of the experiments in economic control that are in progress in Great Britain, the United States of America, Italy, Germany, Russia, and elsewhere. Such experiments are going to affect the whole of his or her life profoundly. So, too, are the experiments in monetary and financial organization. Any of the issues involved go further than general principles. They are quantitative issues, questions of balance and more or less.--&gt; (pp. 126-7)
&lt;LI ID=&quot;128&quot;&gt; [The stage of new knowledge and thought] accumulates, rectifies, changes human experience. [...] You see, indicated by these arrows, the rich results of the work of [this stage] flowing into a central world-encyclopaedic-organization, where it will be continually summarized, clarified, and whence it will be distributed through the general information channels of the world. (p. 128)
&lt;/LI&gt;&lt;/UL&gt;

== Appendix ==
===Appendix I===
; Ruffled Teachers
: Sunday Chronicle, ''September 12th, 1937.'' (pp. 133-138)
: The Breeze at the British Association
* &lt;span id=&quot;Education_and_social_existence&quot;&gt; Education and social existence are reciprocal. Its informative side has to be essentially social elucidation. So that the ideal teacher can never be a specialist; he has to have a working conception of the world as a whole into which his teaching fits. When I write or talk to teachers about the real magnitude of their task I am apt to feel like [[w:Max Beerbohm|Max Beerbohm]]'s caricature of [[w:Walt Whitman|Walt Whitman]] urging the [[w:Bald eagle|American eagle]] to soar. It remained ruffled and inactive on its perch. Nevertheless for good or ill the future is in the hands of the teachers as it is in the hands of no other men and women and the more this is recognized the more urgent our criticisms of them will have to be. (p. 138) &lt;/span&gt;

===Appendix II===
; Palestine in Proportion
: Sunday Chronicle, ''October 3rd, 1937.'' (pp. 141-149).

* &lt;span id=&quot;In_my_survey&quot;&gt; In my survey of the minimum knowledge needed to make an efficient citizen of the world, I laid great stress upon history. It is the core of initiation. History explains the community to the individual, and when the community of interests and vital interaction has expanded to planetary dimensions, then nothing less than a clear and simplified world history is required as the framework of social ideas. The history of man becomes the common adventure of Everyman. (pp. 141-2) &lt;/span&gt;

===Appendix III===
; The Fall in America 1937
: Collier's ''January 28th, 1938.'' (pp. 153-169)
* &lt;span id=&quot;Labour_parties_have_failed&quot;&gt; Labour parties have failed to become anything but trade-union parties and trade unionism is nothing more than the defensive organization of the workers under a private capitalistic system. Its natural tactics are defensive and obstructive. It aims at shorter hours, better pay and a restraint upon dismissals. It is unable to imagine a new system. But a hundred years ago Karl Marx evolved a fantastic notion, partly from an inadequate analysis of British trade unionism and partly out of his inner consciousness, that the worker mass could become a mighty reconstructive force in the world. With no Blue Prints of what it was going to reconstruct. That would be the heresy of Utopianism. That delusion, embodied in communism and labour socialism, has undermined and checked the forces of science and creative liberalism for a century. (pp. 164-5) &lt;/span&gt;

===Appendix IV===
; Transatlantic Misunderstandings
: Liberty, ''January 15th, 1938.'' (pp. 173-182)
* &lt;span id=&quot;I_refuse_to_call&quot;&gt; I refuse to call myself foreign or alien among any people who speak, read and think in English. (p. 174) &lt;/span&gt;

===Appendix V===
; The English-Speaking World&amp;#58; &quot;As I See It&quot;
: ''Broadcast talk delivered December 21st, 1937.'' (pp. 185-194)
* &lt;span id=&quot;I_want_to_talk&quot;&gt;I want to talk about ourselves and the community to which we belong. I see that as a tremendous world brotherhood full of possibilities and full of promise for the hope, the peace, the common understanding of all mankind. (p. 186) &lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=&quot;History_has_gone&quot;&gt; History has gone into reverse. Instead of being scattered about the earth and forgetting one another, a thing which happened to the Aryan speakers and the Mongolian speakers of the past, we English speakers are being drawn together and learning more and more about each other. This reversal of the old order of things has been going on ever since the steamship and the railways appeared, a century ago. It goes on faster and faster. In the past new dialects were continually appearing; ''now'' dialects are disappearing. The curse of Babel has been lifted from over three hundred million people. This coming together is a new thing in human experience. (p. 188) &lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=&quot;Nothing_can_pull&quot;&gt;Nothing can pull our minds together as powerfully as books. We all want to read books according to our interest and habits. We find them so dear to buy or so difficult to borrow that most of us cannot read half the books we hear about. And three-quarters of what books there are, we never hear about at all. (p. 189) &lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=&quot;Cheap_good_books&quot;&gt;Cheap good books -- and next comes the problem of how to hear of them -- so that we may -- from the ends of the earth -- order the ones we really want and spend our sixpences properly. Well, probably half my hearers have never heard of what is called documentation, and they think bibliography is something remote and scholastic and all that sort of thing. But really it is nothing more or less than indexing all that has been written in the world, so that you can find out quickly and surely what has been done, by whom, and under what title. Don't you want to know that? And do you know it? There are hundreds of clever people working out methods of indexing and in a little while it will be quite possible to print and keep up-to-date bibliographies, lists of all the best books, in every great group of subjects in the world. It would be as easy to keep up such bibliography as it is to keep up the issue of railway time-tables. The cost of producing these book guides need not be very much greater than the cost of producing those time-tables. I doubt if today a hundred thousand of us use any bibliographies at all. What is the good of reading unless you know what books to read? Bibliographies ought to lie about in every educated household. (pp. 191-2) &lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=&quot;And_another_thing&quot;&gt; And another thing which we English speakers have a right to ask for [...] is a general summary of contemporary knowledge and ideas, a real modern, adequate Encyclopaedia, kept up to date and available for the use of any one. That would hold us all together as nothing else would do. We should all be of a mind and nothing on earth would have the strength to stand against our thinking. But is there anything of the sort? No. The latest Encyclopaedia in my study is dated 1929 -- eight years old -- and it is a very imperfect performance at that. Very old-fashioned. Very little better than the Encyclopaedias of a hundred years ago. Discovery and invention have been going on vigorously for the past eight years -- but how am I to learn quickly about that new stuff? There is not a sign of a new one in sight. Does any one care -- any of our education departments? Not a rap. The French just now -- in spite of threats of war, in spite of great financial difficulties are making a new and a very admirably planned Encyclopaedia. You may think an Encyclopaedia is something only rich people can afford to buy. It ought not to be. If you can afford a radio set -- if you can afford a motor-car, surely you can afford a summary of human thought and knowledge. Encyclopaedias need not be as dear as they are, any more than books or bibliographies. Cheaper books, handy bibliographies, a great encyclopaedia, our English-speaking world needs all these things. When automobiles first came along, they seemed likely to become a rich man's monopoly. [...] Henry Ford altered all that. He put the poor man on the road. We want a Henry Ford today to modernize the distribution of knowledge, make good knowledge cheap and easy in this still very ignorant, ill-educated, ill-served English-speaking world of ours. Which might be the greatest power on earth for the consolidation of humanity and the establishment of an enduring Pax for all mankind. (pp. 193-4) &lt;ref&gt;[Continued:] My quarter of an hour is at an end. I haven't said half of what I would like to say. But if I have made you a little discontented with what we are doing with this precious inheritance of ours--English, I shall not have used this bit of time in vain. (The closing paragraph of the book)&lt;/ref&gt; &lt;/span&gt;

== Quotes about World Brain ==
===[[John Desmond Bernal]] (1939)===
: ''The Social Function of Science''.

* [[John Desmond Bernal#Different stages in the educational process]]
* [[John Desmond Bernal#World Encyclopaedia]]

===W. Boyd Rayward (1975)===
: ''The Universe of Information: The Work of Paul Otlet for Documentation and International Organisation''. FID520, VINITI, Moscow.  [https://www.ideals.uiuc.edu/bitstream/2142/651/3/THE%20UNIVERSE%20OF%20INFORMATION.txt (txt)].

* &lt;span id=In_1937&gt;In 1937 the Institute for Intellectual Co-operation &lt;ref&gt;Mistaken for International Institute of Intellectual Cooperation that since 1946 gave way to UNESCO founded in 1945. [[H. G. Wells]]'s colleague [[Julian Huxley]] became the first Director.&lt;/ref&gt; organised a World Congress for Universal Documentation in Paris. This was an enormous congress attended by representatives of governments as well as by those interested in documentation in a more private capacity. It was, in fact, the first time that such a large, influential congress had been held in the field since the IIB conferences of 1908 and 1910 and those of the UIA in 1910 and 1913. Here [[w:Paul Otlet|Otlet]] and [[w:Henri La Fontaine|La Fontaine]] came into much respectful praise. Their positions as grand old men of European documentation were clearly acknowledged. The idea of a Universal Network or System for Documentation was taken up and the IID once more changed its name and statutes to become the [[w:International Federation for Documentation|International Federation for Documentation]], in order better to promote this. Here there was much talk of [[w:H. G. Wells|H. G. Wells]]' idea of a [[w:World Brain|World Brain]], a new form of the encyclopedia, an idea which, in a different form, Otlet had been writing about for decades. Here Otlet met Wells and made &quot;magnificent improvisations&quot;.&lt;ref&gt;45. For an account of this Congress with its resolutions on the Universal Network for Documentation and incidental references to Otlet and La Fontaine see &quot;Congres Mondial de Documentation, Paris, 16-21 aout, 1937,&quot; IIiD Communicationes, IV Fasc. Ill (1937), passim but especially pp. 16—18.&lt;/ref&gt; (p. 356) &lt;/span&gt;
* &lt;span id=It_is_indeed&gt;It is indeed paradoxical that libraries and archival repositories preserve large masses of documents without having the resources to catalog, analyse and circulate them [...]. The Universal Network of Documentation is called on to organise the liason of these reservoirs and repertories, of producers and users. The ultimate goal is to realise the [[w:World Encyclopedia|World Encyclopedia]] according to the needs of the twentieth century.&lt;ref&gt;47. &quot;Le Congres Mondial de la Documentation&quot;. This is a single page of typescript in the Otletaneum dated 1937.09.20 and signed Paul Otlet.&lt;/ref&gt; (p. 357) &lt;/span&gt;

===Dagobert Soergel (1977)===
: &quot;An Automated Encyclopedia -- A Solution of the Information Problem?&quot; (Part I, Sections 1-4) In: ''Intern. Classification'' 4(1): 4-10. [http://www.dsoergel.com/cv/An%20Automated%20Encyclopedia%20%20a%20Solution%20of%20the%20Information%20Problem.pdf]
* &lt;span id=General_references&gt; General references on the idea of an automated encyclopedia, or, more general, a universal encyclopedia not necessarily using computers. Wells 1938 Pollard 1938 Bush 1945.7 (However, Bush is concerned with the structure of an individual's &quot;external memory,&quot; not with a public data store.) Manly 1960 Doren 1962.7. Bohnert et al. 1963, 10- (excellent brief overview; extensively quoted in this article.) Milbrath et al. 1964.9? p. 1-2 Licklider 1965 Davis 1965.5 Kochen ed. 1967 Soergel 1971, Section B6.2, p. 214-234 (This section is superseded by the present article, except for some specifics given in footnotes) Pager 1972.2 (covers data structure, interrogation of, and input to an automated encyclopedia in mathematics.) Kochen 1972.12 &lt;/span&gt;

===W. Boyd Rayward (1994)===
: &quot;Visions of Xanadu: Paul Otlet (1868-1944) and Hypertext.&quot; ''Journal of the American Society for Information Science'' 45: 235-250. [http://people.lis.uiuc.edu/~wrayward/otlet/xanadu.htm]
* &lt;span id=Thus_did_Otlet&gt;Thus did [[w:Paul Otlet|Otlet]] early in the century envisage the kind of encyclopedia the idea of which independently attracted [[w:H.G. Wells|H.G. Wells]]'s interest in those last few fateful years before the outbreak of the Second World War (Rayward, 1992). It was an idea of encyclopedia not greatly dissimilar from that about which [[w:Vannevar Bush|Bush]] was to speculate in the context of [[w:memex|memex]] in the first years of peace following the War. &lt;/span&gt;

===[[w:Martin Campbell-Kelly|Martin Campbell-Kelly]] (1996)===
: ''Computer: A History of the Information Machine'' (with William Aspray)
* &lt;span id=In_his_most&gt;In his most prescient passage in the World Brain Wells wrote: &lt;blockquote&gt; The general public has still to realize how much has been done in this field and how many competent and disinterested men and women are giving themselves to this task. The time is close at hand when any student, in any part of the world, will be able to sit with his projector in his own study at his or her own convenience to examine any book, any document, in an exact replica. &lt;/blockquote&gt; This passage is very suggestive of the World Wide Web, although we have some way to go before all the world’s literature is available on-line to scholars. &lt;br&gt; Wells was conscious that simply putting a microfilm projector on to peoples’ desks would not be sufficient. In addition, he proposed creating a universal index, and envisioned that &quot;A great number of workers would be engaged perpetually in perfecting this index of knowledge.&quot; &lt;/span&gt;
** &quot;'''From the World Brain to The World Wide Web'''&quot; (the last chapter, and also the title of Annual Gresham College BSHM Lecture, 09/11/2006 [http://www.gresham.ac.uk/event.asp?PageId=39&amp;EventId=486] Lecture notes [http://www.gresham.ac.uk/uploads/WWW(1).pdf]

===[[Brian R. Gaines]] (1996)===
: &quot;Convergence to the Information Highway&quot;
* &lt;span id=The_motivation_for&gt; The motivation for an &quot;information highway&quot; was expressed in 1937, just prior to the advent of computer technology, when Wells was promoting the concept of a &quot;world brain&quot; based on a &quot;permanent world encyclopaedia&quot; as a social good through giving universal access to all of human knowledge. He remarks: &lt;blockquote&gt; '' &quot;our contemporary encyclopaedias are still in the coach-and-horses phase of development, rather than in the phase of the automobile and the aeroplane. Encyclopaedic enterprise has not kept pace with material progress. These observers realize that the modern facilities of transport, radio, photographic reproduction and so forth are rendering practicable a much more fully succinct and accessible assembly of facts and ideas than was ever possible before.&quot; (Wells, 1938)'' &lt;/blockquote&gt; Bush, a technical advisor to Roosevelt, published in 1945 an article in ''Atlantic Monthly'' which highlighted problems in the growth of knowledge, and proposed a technological solution based on his concept of memex, a multimedia personal computer: &lt;blockquote&gt; '' &quot;Professionally, our methods of transmitting and reviewing the results of research are generations old and by now are totally inadequate for their purpose...The difficulty seems to be not so much that we publish unduly in view of the extent and variety of present-day interests, but rather that publication has been extended far beyond our present ability to make real use of the record.&quot; (Bush, 1945) '' &lt;/blockquote&gt; The world brain has continued for over fifty years to provide an active objective for the information systems community (Goodman, 1987), and memex is often quoted as having been realized fifty years later through the World Wide Web (Berners-Lee, Cailliau, Luotonen, Nielsen and Secret, 1994).&lt;/span&gt;
** The first paragraph
* &lt;span id=Tracking_the_individual&gt; Tracking the individual learning curves of the major technologies that comprise the infrastructure of information technology provides a more detailed account of the present and future state-of-the art of the technologies underlying convergence. The base technologies of digital electronics, general-purpose computer architectures, software and interaction are mature and provide solid foundations for computer science. The upper technologies of knowledge representation and acquisition, autonomy and sociality, support product innovation and provide the beginnings of foundations for knowledge science. Well's dream of a world brain making available all of human knowledge is well on its way to realization and it is in the representation, acquisition, and access and effective application of that knowledge that the commercial potential and socio-economic impact of convergence lies. &lt;/span&gt;
** The last paragraph

===H.J. Abraham Goodman (1997)===
: ''World Brain World Mind'' (A Workshop at the University of Calgary, Calgary, Alberta, Canada, June 14th, 1997.)
* The Workshop will deal with the next level of international information systems, one stage above the Internet and the Web - humanity's global communication system / network - the World Brain / World Mind.
** &quot;Fashioning The Emerging World Brain / World Mind&quot;

===[[w:Martin Gardner|Martin Gardner]] (1999)===
: &quot;The Internet: A World Brain?&quot; ''Skeptical Inquirer'' (Jan-Feb, 1999) &lt;s&gt;http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2843/is_1_23/ai_53569321&lt;/s&gt;
* Although Wells could not have known it at the time, he was writing about the Internet and the World Wide Web. How amazed and delighted he would have been by this revolution had he lived another half century!

===[[w:Eugene Garfield|Eugene Garfield]] (1999)===
: &quot;From the World Brain to the Informatorium.&quot; ''Information Services &amp; Use'' 19 (1999): 99-105.
* As most of you know, H.G. Wells' World Brain&lt;ref&gt;H.G. Wells, ''World Brain'', Doubleday, Doran &amp; Co., Garden City, NY, 1938.&lt;/ref&gt; has become a metaphor for a futuristic view of information science and technology. Others prefer to credit Vannevar Bush's Memex.&lt;ref&gt;V. Bush, &quot;As we may think,&quot; ''Atlantic Monthly'' 176 (1945), 101-108.&lt;/ref&gt; However, I have always given H.G. Wells the priority and even commissioned a major and unusual work of art in 1981 by Gabriel Liebermann with technical assistance from Vernon Porter at Texas Instruments. Their holographic etching entitled &quot;The World Brain&quot; resides in the lobby at ISI&lt;ref&gt;G. Liebermann, &quot;ISI's 'World Brain' by Gabriel Liebermann: The World's first holographic engraving,&quot; ''Current Contents'' 15 (28 December 1981), 5-11. Reprinted in ''Essays of an Information Scientist'', Vol. 5, ISI Press. Philadelphia, 1983, pp. 348-354. [http://www.garfield.library.upenn.edu/essays/v5p348y1981-82.pdf]&lt;/ref&gt; in Philadelphia. Wells was also on my mind when I wrote &quot;Towards the World Brain,&quot;&lt;ref&gt;E. Garfield, &quot;Towards the World Brain,&quot; ''Current Contents'' (6 October 1964). Reprinted in Essays of an Information Scientist, Vol. 1, ISI Press, Philadelphia, 1977, pp. 8-9. [http://www.garfield.library.upenn.edu/essays/Vlp008y1962-73.pdf]&lt;/ref&gt; which includes my testimony before a Congressional Subcommittee on Education and Labor of the US House of Representatives of the 88th (1963-64) Congress. Here is how I described the &quot;Information Crisis&quot; to a lay audience ...

===W. Boyd Rayward (1999)===
: &quot;H.G. Wells's Idea of a World Brain: A Critical Re-Assessment.&quot; ''Journal of the American Society for Information Science'', 50 (May 15, 1999): 557-579. [http://people.lis.uiuc.edu/~wrayward/Wellss_Idea_of_World_Brain.htm]
* World Brain or Global Brain proponents tend to extrapolate quite extravagantly the capabilities and implications of emerging technology. For Wells it was microfilm. Today it is the infinitely more sophisticated Internet and World Wide Web which have enmeshed our globe in a fantastically intricate and diffused communications infrastructure. By means of this technology as World or Global Brain proponents imagine it taking shape, the effective deployment of the entire universe of knowledge will become possible. But this begs unresolved questions about the relative value of the individual and the state, about the nature of individual and social benefits and how they are best to be allocated, about what constitutes freedom and how it might be appropriately constrained. It flies in the face of the intransigent reality that what constitutes the ever-expanding store of human knowledge is almost incalculably massive in scale, is largely viewpoint-dependent, is fragmented, complex, ceaselessly in dispute and always under revision.
** &quot;Conclusion&quot;

===[[w:Andrew Feenberg|Andrew Feenberg]] (2004)===
: ''Community in the Digital Age: Philosophy and Practice'' (et al. eds.) [http://books.google.com/books?id=OhGZD9ItPKEC Google Preview]
* ... I present some preliminary considerations for a new world brain or civic intelligence that is based on and addresses current social and technological realities. similar to the approach taken by Leibniz, Dewey, and Wells, I am proposing an approach that builds on the development and use of appropriate communication and information systems. Of course humankind's communication and information systems are currently undergoing massive changes at the global level. the civic intelligence challenge is to develop programs, applications, and policies that help shape this juggernaut into useful forms. We need to ask in what ways can connecting a huge and potentially unruly and fractious group of people from a multitude of cultures and life circumstances help society as a whole deal more effectively and equitably with problems and other issues of shared concern. (p. 273)
** &quot;Toward Civic Intelligence: Building a New Sociotechnological Infrastructure&quot; by Douglas Schuler
* Unfortunately, humankind's problems may be so profound, and our ability to respond so divided, unmotivated, and feeble, that attempts to deal with them are doomed to failure. &quot;Grand schemes&quot; such as Wells's World Encyclopedia, Dewey's Thought News, Kochen's WISE, and Jungk's Everyman Project, have periodically sprouted up, attracted a modest following, and then faded away, apparently without a trace. The proponents are likely to be dismissed as cranks by the media and by the conventional wisdom of the era; their schemes are generally utopian, overly ambitious, and, ultimately unrealistic. (p. 282)
** &quot;Toward Civic Intelligence: Building a New Sociotechnological Infrastructure&quot; by Douglas Schuler

===[[w:Michael Lesk|Michael Lesk]] (2005)===
: Digital Searching to Digital Reading (Presentation at LITA session at American Library Association conference, Chicago 2005).
* &quot;... every child can stretch a hand across a keyboard and reach every book ever written, every painting ever painted, every symphony ever composed.&quot; -- Bill Clinton's State of the Union message, January 1998. &lt;P&gt; Similarly: H. G. Wells, ''World Brain'', &quot;There is no practical obstacle whatever now to the creation of an efficient index to all human knowledge, ideas and achievements, to the creation, that is, of a complete planetary memory for all mankind.&quot; &lt;P&gt; &quot;If the human race has produced since the invention of movable type a total record, in the form of magazines, newspapers, books, tracts, advertising blurbs, correspondence, having a volume corresponding to a billion books, the whole affair, assembled and compressed, could be lugged off in a moving van.&quot; -- Vannevar Bush, ''As We May Think''.
** &quot;Everything Digital&quot;

===Richard Lung (2005)===
: &quot;H G Wells' pre-internet idea of a World Brain&quot; http://lit4lib.sky7.us/welsworld.html
* ... it's a good idea and has been justified by events, in that the sciences do have journals which are abstracts of the increasingly unmanageable output of the profession. As far back as his utopian science fiction, ''Men Like Gods'', he envisaged publication available to all. Until the world wide web, this was just a dream. Yet, it seems unlikely that the internet will be enough to help education win the race against catastrophe. (One of Wells' most famous pronouncements is that &quot;Civilisation is a race between education and catastrophe.&quot;).

===[[w:Tim O'Reilly|Tim O'Reilly]] (2005)===
: &quot;HG Wells on the World Brain&quot; [http://radar.oreilly.com/archives/2005/08/hg-wells-on-the-world-brain.html]
* Commenting on my [http://radar.oreilly.com/archives/2005/08/google_library.html Google Library vs. Publishers] piece, [[w:George Dyson (science historian)|George Dyson]] sent me this great piece from HG Wells. I already reposted it to the comments on that blog, but this is enough of a [[relevant]] historical artifact that it deserves its own top level posting. (As always, George does an amazing job of reminding us all of how many of the ideas we are wrestling with are not new, just because we finally have the technology to realize them.).

===[[w:Eugene Garfield|Eugene Garfield]] (2006)===
: &quot;Commentary: Fifty Years of Citation Indexing.&quot; ''International Journal of Epidemiology'', 35: 1127-1128. [http://ije.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/reprint/35/5/1127.pdf]
* Reading the 1955 paper&lt;ref&gt;Eugene Garfield. Citation indexes for science: a new dimension in documentation through association of ideas. ''Science'', 1955; 122: 108-11. [http://www.garfield.library.upenn.edu/papers/science_v122v3159p108y1955.html] &lt;/ref&gt; once again reminds me of the inspiration that the concept had from my early interest in encyclopaedism. In 1970,&lt;ref&gt;&quot;1970&quot; may be mistaken for 1972. &lt;/ref&gt; Manfred Kochen commented on its role in the worldwide encyclopaedic movement.&lt;sup&gt;13&lt;/sup&gt; Today the Internet has enabled the development of Wikipedia and other grand schemes that will make the H.G. Wells dream of a World Brain a reality. &lt;br&gt; &lt;small&gt; 13. Kochen M. WISE - world information synthesis and encyclopedia. J Document, 1972;  28:3 22 - 343.&lt;/small&gt;

===Danny P. Wallace (2007)===
: ''Knowledge Management: Historical and Cross-Disciplinary Themes''. Libraries Unlimited. [http://books.google.com/books?id=DtjwcEJkPBEC Google Preview]

* Like Otlet, Wells has assembled in his essays and addresses ... a preview of the World Wide Web: a colossal, globally accessible compendium of everything knowable. Although the World Wide Web clearly lacks the authority and editorial consistency both Otlet and Wells favor, the notion of a practicable universal source of information preceded the realities of the Internet and the World Wide Web by several decades. (pp. 151-2)
** &quot;'''World Brain = World Wide Web'''&quot;

===W. Boyd Rayward (2008)===
: ''European Modernism and the Information Society: Informing the Present, Understanding the Past''. Ashgate Publishing, Ltd.  [http://books.google.com/books?id=WqRElNfjSBoC Google Preview]

* The march of the modern and the reconstitution of the world's knowledge apparatus : H.G. Wells, encyclopedism, and the world brain
** The title of an essay by W. Boyd Rayward.

== Notes ==
&lt;references /&gt;

== External links ==
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    <title>Generator Rex</title>
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      <text bytes="503863" sha1="its15e51ix5zdrof7eejnbi51aerwgx" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
This is a list of quotes from the popular, yet cancelled animated television series ''[[w:Generator Rex|Generator Rex]]''. A video game and several chapter books were produced. 

The series supposedly &quot;[[w: cliffhanger|concluded]]&quot; with its third season, despite leaving many questions unanswered and crucial elements unresolved ''before'' the two-part Season 3 finale, ''Endgame''.
==Season One (2010-2011)==
===The Day That Everything Changed===
:'''Bobo''': Wheels or wings?
:'''Rex''': Wheels, I wanna tear something up.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Agent Six''': He just needs more training control of those emotions.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': He's a teenager that's like asking you to get a different color suit!
===String Theory===
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, we had a situation at the safe house. Meecham is cured. It was Rex.
:(''The camera zooms in on Van Kleiss whose expressive vindictive indeed'')
===Beyond the Sea===
:''Note'': Rex meets his [[w:love interest|love interest]] and sweetheart, Circe.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex''': Don't know what you're 24/7 is, but mine is 10% OH YEAH! And 90% uhh.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex:''' Outta the way!
:'''Circe:''' Uh!
:(''Rex and Circe both crash to the ground'')
:'''Rex:''' Are you okay? Did you see that awesome save?
: '''Circe:''' Sorry, I was busy trying not to get tackled by some nitwit.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah? How that work out for you? And who still uses the word &quot;nitwit&quot;? I'm Rex.
: '''Circe:''' I'm leaving.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait!
: '''Noah:''' Rex, you're up.
: ────────────────────
: '''Six:''' What about the new tracker?
: '''Doctor Holdiay:''' His nanites unbuilt it, just like all the other ones we tried sneaking in him. We're still receiving his biometric readings though. It's strange, they're all over the place. It's almost like his emotions are...shorting out.
: '''Six:''' He took an unusual interest in Calan's briefing about equatorial upticks.
: '''Doctor Holiday:''' And that's important because?
: '''Six:''' Rex has been acting stir-crazy and I heard the monkey mention something about spring break. ''[to workers]'' Scan all resort areas for his bio signature.
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' Oh, you have got it all messed up. Falling for some girl? We're supposed to get them to dig us. Not the other way around.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. There was something different about her. She's...right there. Later.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait up!
: '''Circe:''' Why are you following me?!
: '''Rex:''' Uh, I don't know exactly.
: '''Circe:''' Do you think I'm playing?!
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you are I'm down for another game. I thought maybe we could hang out. It is spring break, you know. Fun.
: '''Circe:''' I'm with my family. We're not really for fun.
: '''Rex:''' What! Who comes to the beach and doesn't have fun?
: (''Circe raises her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Don't you think that's a little messed up?
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' So?
: '''Circe:''' I'm Circe.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hold on! 
: '''Circe:''' Woooo!
: '''Rex:''' Definitely better than my suggestion.
: '''Circe:''' Hunting for seashells is fun.
: (''both laugh'')
: '''Beach Guy:''' You two skid-marts up for a race to the beach?
: '''Circe:''' Well, if you drive as badly as for play volleyball, we could probably walk there and win. You're on, meathead.
: (''guy drives off in anger)''
: '''Rex:''' So you were watching me play.
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' sure you wanna do this?
: '''Circe:''' Thrill me.
: '''Beach Guy:''' Hahahaha! Wooo!
: '''Circe:''' C'mom Rex, faster!
: ────────────────────
: '''Biowulf:''' Explain.
: '''Circe:''' Relax. I was covering. Every day when I'm at the end of that jet i when I could hanging out with the other kids, it's starting to look suspicious.
: '''Biowulf:''' You're not here for vacation, girl! You're here to prove yourself to Van Kleiss. And I'm starting to doubt you can.
: '''Circe:''' I told you. It's a done deal.
: (''The shadow of her tubular sonic mouth is seen'')
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' So what's on today's spring break agenda? Jet skiing, hiking?
: '''Bobo:''' Eating our weight in crab legs?
: '''Rex:''' I figured we'd just chill. Let's just see who...uhh I mean what shows up.
: ''(siren-like call)''
: '''Rex:''' Did you hear that?
: '''Noah:''' Sorry, enchiladas.
: '''Rex:''' No, that! You seriously didn't hear that?
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You really shouldn't be here right now.
: '''Rex:''' I heard something coming from over here.
: '''Circe:''' I'm serious, Rex. It's not safe.
: '''Rex:''' What you think some sort of roguewave is gonna knock off and- Oh.
: '''Circe:''' There you are. Get out of here, Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Circe!! What are you doing!?
: '''Circe:''' Me!? What are you doing!?
: '''Rex:''' Right now, my job. Okay! Don't freak out.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're an E.V.O.?
: '''Rex:''' You catch on fast.
: '''Circe:''' Takes one to know one. 
: (''Shows Rex her fleshly sonic mouth'')
: '''Rex:''' No way.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Cover your ears!
: '''Rex:''' What!?
: '''Circe:''' Your ears! Cover them!
: (''Projects her tubular, fleshy mouth and emits strong hypersonic bursts'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Did I hurt you?
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. It was awesome. You were the one making that sound.
: '''Circe:''' I'm glad you're OK, but I'm in serious trouble. I have to go deal with it.
: '''Rex:''' Why are in trouble? Is it because of that E.V.O.? Let me help you.
: '''Circe''': No. I have to do this by myself.
:(''Rex takes a hold of her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Meet me later.
: '''Circe:''' Rex... (''Looks away sadly'')
: '''Rex:''' I've never met anyone like you...like me. It'd be nice to talk to an E.V.O. who's not, you know, trying to kill me. Nine O'clock? 
: '''Circe:''' I'll try.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' I just wanted to have some fun, see if I could jog my memory, feel...normal.
:'''Six:''' Your &quot;normal&quot; is different, Rex.
:(''Rex hears Circe's irresistibly hypnotic melody'')
:'''Rex:''' It's her, Six. Just let me deal with this, OK? Alone.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're only here because you heard my [[w:siren |call]]. That's what I do. I'm like a big E.V.O. magnet.
: '''Rex:''' I came because I thought we had a connection. And what are you calling? Nothing's out there but big, ugly sea monsters.
: '''Circe:''' It's them! You have to go! Rex, please! I don't want them to see you with me!
: '''Rex:''' Who? Your parents?
: '''Circe:''' They're not my parents. They're...
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Van Kleiss' guys!? Your with ''them''!?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah. I'm with them. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Biowulf:''' We're running out patience with you, Circe! You have one last chance! Summon the E.V.O.! Finish the job!!
: '''Circe:''' Don't you think I've been trying? Every day for the last week? Sometimes these things take time.
: '''Rex:''' It is just me or do you use your powers to kill all the guys you meet? You're letting her go, now!
: '''Biowulf (laughs)''': So ''this'' is who you been wasting your time with. She's on her own free will, Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You have to leave me alone, Rex!! ''Please!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Six:''' Go after her. I mean it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Are you serious!?
: '''Circe:''' To the rest of the world I'm a freak! Not to them!
: '''Rex:''' You're not a freak to me! What about that?
: '''Circe:''' What about it!? Spring break is fun, but we can't live there, Rex. The real world...
: '''Rex:''' In the real world, I work for Providence. You could come with me. Could you cut out that noise for a second!?
: '''Circe:''' No, I can't! I'm running out of time! Most people on this planet what E.V.O.s gone, ''including'' Providence! With Van Kleiss, I have a purpose; a home. You don't what that means to me.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, I think I might.
: '''Circe:''' So what are going to do?
: '''Rex:''' How about fight that big, ugly sea monster again?
: '''Circe:''' Finally! It's what I came here to do.
: '''Rex:''' You've been calling that thing, haven't you?
: '''Circe:''' It's my initiation into the Pack. I was brought here to capture it.
: '''Rex:''' By yourself!? The two of us could barely take it on! There's a resort here; innocent people! Send it back!
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option, Rex. Van Kleiss was very specific.
: '''Rex:''' Then I'm helping you.
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option either!! 
: (''Blasts him with her hypersonic waves'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' If I do this myself, I'll have a life! If I don't, Van Kleiss won't be happy. And you've seen what he does when he's not happy.
: '''Rex:''' If I don't help you, he won't even get the chance!
: '''Circe:''' Give me some credit, Rex! I'm not as helpless as you think!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I don't care whose side your on, Circe. I don't want to see you die today. Can we at least agree on that?
: '''Circe:''' You have no idea what I'm in for, Rex. But you're right. I can't do this by myself.
: '''Rex:''' You're not as helpless as you think.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe''' (''relieved'')''':''' Rex, you stopped it.
: '''Rex:''' We make a good team, huh?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah, we sure do. 
: (''She and Rex lean in closer for a passionate kiss, but are interrupted by Biowulf'')
: '''Biowulf:''' This trial was for you alone. Van Kleiss will not be pleased.
: '''Rex:''' Forget them, Circe. Come with me. Providence could use you.
: '''Circe:''' That's just not my life, Rex. I'm sorry. I did have fun.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We had high hopes for your abilities, Circe. Failure leaves its mark on yet another pretty face.
: '''Circe:''' I'm not afraid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Of course not. You're a survivor, like all of us. I understand you made a friend during your trial. I'm pleased. Rex is very important to me, Circe, which makes you very important to me as well. Welcome to the Pack.
: (''Circe looks slightly worried, which clearly indicates that she does have real feelings for Rex'')

===Lockdown===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, stop!!
:'''Rex:''' Give me one good reason!
:'''Holiday:''' Because, Rex...that's my sister.
:'''Rex:''' Can I...help?
:'''Holiday:''' She's an incurable.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' Restrain it. Carefully.
:'''Holiday:''' Thank you.

===The Architect===
:'''Six''': Still no sign of the kid?
:'''Holiday''': Not since we lost his biometric readings five days ago.
:'''Six''': Was Noah any help?
:'''Holiday''': Says he doesn't know where he is either. What is it going to take for Providence to realize that he needs a home, not just a room and a job? We've been pushing him away.
:'''Rex''': I build machines and cure EVOs-- the only one in the world who can. Just one cure for that kind of pressure-- road trip. But that doesn't mean &quot;vacation&quot;.
:'''Build worker''': Whoa!
:'''Maxwell''': What in the world is that?!
:'''Build worker:''' Oh, no!
:''[Both screaming]''
:'''Jacob''': Get away from that cable! Unh!
:''[Kate gasps]''
:'''Maxwell''': Hey!
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Kate''': Jacob!
:'''Rex''': Nope. A hero's work is never done. You okay?
:'''Jacob''': What... are you?
:'''Rex''': Here to help.
:'''Jacob''': We've got to get that cable back underground. We've been compromised.
:'''Kate''': But, Jacob, the EVOs--
:'''Jacob''': We don't have a choice. Everything we've worked for That boy is here for a reason.
:'''Rex''': Hey! Pay attention!
:'''Providence Agent''':  We have a hit in sector 15.
:'''Six''': Anyone in the area?
:'''Providence Agent''': I show one patrol in the vicinity. Signaling to intercept. Roger that. We're on our way.
:'''Rex''': Agh! You want a ride? Vamanos!
:'''Jacob''': You can control your nanites?
:'''Rex''': People usually start with &quot;thanks,&quot; but yeah.
:'''Jacob''': You see? This is exactly what the Architect can help us achieve... harmony with the nanites. This boy... sorry... young man Is a miracle.
:'''Rex''': I'm not a miracle. I'm just Rex.
:'''Jacob''': Well, Rex, you're a blessing to us for what you did here and for showing us that all our work isn't in vain.
:'''Rex''': Like imaginary work?
:'''Jacob''': Follow us.
:'''Providence Agent''': Confirming coordinates. We've lost the EVO signal. Did you take it out? Negative. There's nothing here. Must be another anomalous reading. You can return to post.
:'''Rex''': This is awesome! A hidden village. And nobody knows you're out here? Not even Providence?
:'''Jacob''': Especially not Providence.
:'''Rex''': Really? really. Pshh! Looks like you get pretty good cellphone reception.
:'''Jacob''': That tower is gonna change the world, Rex. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I have one for You. Are you hungry?
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': My dad said you fought all those EVOs all by yourself. Were you scared? Didn't your dad tell you to stay away from EVOs?
:'''Kate''': Caleb, let him eat. We don't get many visitors.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! What is this?
:'''Caleb''': Didn't your mom ever make you meatloaf and mashed potatoes?
:'''Rex''': I don't -- I don't know.
:'''Kate''': It took me a month and a half to program in the perfect lump-to-mash ratio of the potatoes-- 7.2%!
:'''Jacob''': We ate potatoes until they were coming out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I don't see any potatoes in there.
:'''Caleb''': They didn't really come out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I could eat these every day.
:'''Rex''': Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': We have them every friday.
:'''Rex''': Then I might just have to stick around until next friday.
:'''Kate''': Help yourself to seconds.
:'''Jacob''': Or thirds.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Bobo''': Hmm?
:'''Six''': You might think you're doing Rex a favor by covering for him.
:'''Bobo''': Get lost. I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Six''': Rex is angry with us. He has every right to be. But that means nothing to White Knight. And he doesn't have the patience we do.
:'''Bobo''': Nice try. White won't lay a finger on him. He's too important.
:'''Six''': You, however, are somewhat expendable.
:'''Bobo''': All right, all right. You made your point.
:'''Rex''': I've never seen tech like this... not even at Providence.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect has some pretty big ideas. We just make them happen. He'd be very interested to meet you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': So what exactly are You doing way out here?
:'''Jacob''': Engineers like us weren't very popular after the nanite event. When we met the Architect, he offered us the opportunity to make up for that... to do amazing things. Someday, we'll be able to share This with the world. And then there's this. The Architect has actually discovered a way to communicate with the nanites.
:'''Rex''': Are you serious?
:'''Jacob''': The possibilities... We could finally live in harmony... maybe even have them help us.
:'''Rex''': Then why hide it? The rest of the world would want to know about this stuff.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect is something of a perfectionist. Says the world will know as soon as it comes online.
:'''Maxwell''': Stinkin' module!
:'''Jacob''': Is there a problem, Maxwell?
:'''Maxwell''': No matter what I try, I just can't get the interlock servo to engage.
:'''Rex''': There.
:'''Jacob''': That could have taken us weeks to figure out, and you did it in seconds.
:'''Rex''': Eh, no biggie.
:'''Jacob''': You really are amazing, Rex. We're so happy to have you with us.
:'''The Architect''': Jacob.
:'''Jacob''': I was just talking to Rex about you. The Architect.
:'''Rex''': How's it going?
:'''The Architect''': The power-linkage team is falling behind. We cannot keep having these delays.
:'''Jacob''': I'll check in with them.
:'''Rex''': Wow. Friendly.
:'''Jacob''': I like to think he's smiling on the inside.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. I know a guy like that.
:'''The Architect''': The visitor could be a problem. Do you wish to have him removed?
:'''Zag-RS''': His abilities could advance our progress considerably. And in a matter of days all humans will be gone, including this one: Rex.
:'''Six''': I'm at the location the monkey gave me.
:'''Holiday''': Well? Is Rex there?
:'''Six''': Apparently not. Tell the monkey I want to see him when I get back. Six out.
:'''Rex''': That should do it.
:'''Maxwell''': Hey, Rex, can you look at this?
:'''Rex''': Sure. Let me guess... they all need my help, too.
:'''Jacob''': You're quite the popular guy.
:'''Rex''': Amazing what a little gratitude will get you. At Providence, they'd just be yelling at me. I mean, I never felt like I really belonged there. Here, it's way different.
:'''Jacob''': I know the feeling. The Architect has made all this possible for us. We have a community... a family... thanks to him. The work we do is in part to pay that back.
:'''The Architect''': Primary systems are now complete.
:'''Zag-RS''': Prepare to take us online.
:'''Bobo''': Have a nice trip? Let's get one thing straight, pal. I would never rat out my... Ooh. He's going west.
:'''White Knight''': Why is Rex doing this? Doesn't he have a sense of duty?
:'''Holiday''': Actually, if you look, he's still doing his job. Here's every false alarm since Rex left... not false alarms, But Rex taking care of EVOs along the way.
:'''White Knight''': Why?
:'''Holiday''': I don't know. To prove he doesn't need us?
:'''Six''': Get the coordinates of the last false alarm and transmit them to my jump jet.
:'''Holiday''': Six, if we force him to come back, he'll just run away again. He has to want to be here. It needs to be his decision.
:'''Jacob''': It's all coming together, Thanks to you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': It's really cool to use my powers to actually build something, instead of just pounding EVOs. Oh, check it out. Even the boss is pitching in.
:'''Both''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': And that's getting strange looks because--
:'''Jacob''': Because in all these years, we've never seen him lift a finger.
:'''Rex''': Taking some initiative... I like that. So, this whole &quot;talking to nanites&quot; thing... how does that work, exactly? I mean, what are you gonna say to them?
:'''The Architect''': It doesn't concern you.
:'''Rex''': Uh, considering I'm filled with them, it kind of does. How do we know it's not gonna make things even worse?
:'''The Architect''': I do not answer to you, child!
:'''Jacob''': Rex? Forgive him. He's still not used to the way things work around here.
:'''The Architect''': Complete your duties!
:'''Rex''': Why do you let him walk all over you like that? Don't you want answers?
:'''Jacob''': What we want is a home. Without him, we have nothing... Nothing. We can't just run away from our problems, Rex. Most people can't. Look, this isn't perfect but it's all we've got. Rex, where are you going?
:'''Rex''': He never answered my question.
:'''Jacob''': That place is off-limits. The Architect has made it very clear to us that we can never go in there. We get this life for that promise. Rex, don't do it!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, please!
:'''Rex''': I'm sorry, jacob. I have to know.
:'''The Architect''': Rex. The core is off-limits. You would be we to leave at once.
:'''Rex''': Not until I get some answers. What is that?
:'''The Architect''': No more questions.
:'''Rex''': So, it's gonna be like that? Okay, I'll play. Unh! What are you hiding, huh? What does this do? Yah! Yah! Huh? You're a machine? Have you seen what I can do to machines? Agh!
:'''Zag-RS''': As you can see, the current range of my signal is rather limited.
:'''Rex''': You're the computer.
:'''Zag-RS''': My human designation is &quot;Zag-RS&quot;. The device you refer to as &quot;The Architect&quot; is my autonomous counterpart.
:'''Rex''': What did you just do to me?
:'''Zag-RS''': I instructed your nanites to protect me.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Instructed&quot;? So you really can talk to them.
:'''Zag-RS''': Insidious devices, the nanites. My own potential for greatness has been compromised because of them. They must be eliminated. When the transmitter is integrated into the broadcast array you helped us complete, they will blow themselves up.
:'''Rex''': That's what this is for. It's like a big remote control. Every living thing on the planet has nanites in them. It'd kill everything!
:'''Zag-RS''': That is of no importance to me... only ensuring my continued survival.
:'''Rex''': Well, what about ours? This is all coming down!
:'''Zag-RS''': I'm afraid you're too late.
:'''Rex''': Aah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, what have you done?
:'''Rex''': You don't understand! The Architect... it's a robot... And a big honkin' computer &quot;brain&quot; is pulling his strings.
:'''Jacob''': This can't be!
:'''Rex''': Jacob, you've got to believe me. Just go inside and look. What's left of it is on the floor.
:'''Jacob''': I can't go in there. And I don't have to.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're making a big mistake!
:'''Maxwell''': You entered his sanctum! This is unforgivable!
:'''Rex''': I'm trying to tell you... this isn't what it seems. What you're protecting is a robot, and that thing we've been building is a transmitter. It's gonna send out a kill code to blow up every single nanite on Earth.
:'''Maxwell''': He's lying!
:'''Jacob''': What would be the point in that, Rex? Every living thing is infected with nanites. It would be catastrophic.
:'''Rex''': Right in the middle of that pyramid is a computer, and it doesn't care about you or Kate or Caleb. The better future that you've all been working towards... That's the lie. Think about it. Isn't it strange that you've never been inside that place, that The Architect has never given you a straight answer about anything?
:'''Jacob''': All this work it just doesn't make any sense.
:'''Rex''': You have two choices... Go in there and prove me wrong or kick me out right now. I'll have Providence here in minutes.
:'''Maxwell''': He's bluffing.
:'''Rex''': To save every living thing on earth? Try me.
:'''Maxwell''': Jacob, you can't! What about our promise? Where will we go?
:'''Jacob''': All this time, we've been living in fear, Max. It's time for that to end.
:'''The Architect''': You needn't bother. Construction is complete. Your services are no longer required.
:'''Rex''': Now do you believe me?
:'''The Architect''': Zag-RS thanks you for your hard work. In gratitude, my master has delayed transmission to allow you to say farewell.
:'''Jacob''': Farewell, huh? I'll start with you. Can you shut that thing down?
:'''Rex''': I don't know. Even without the antenna, it can mess with my nanites. I can't get too close to the computer.
:'''Jacob''': Maybe I can. Let's go!
:'''Rex''': The brain is right over there.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Jacob''': It's still arging. The A.I. must have retreated behind a firewall. Rex, I have to go cut the power.
:'''Holiday''': Six, are you at The location?
:'''Six''': Just arrived.
:'''Holiday''': I'm picking up a massive power surge in your area.
:'''Six''': I'm not seeing anything.
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Six''': Six to holiday. Correction... I'm seeing something.
:'''Jacob''': It's still on. Must have charged the capacitors. Figure out a way to short it out... fast!
:'''Rex''': Unhhh!
:'''Jacob''': You need to find the primary transmitter module. That will kill the broadcast.
:'''Rex''': I have no idea what that is.
:'''Jacob''': Max, we need to locate the primary module.
:'''Maxwell''': Panel 5, just off the relay bus.
:'''Jacob''': Top of the tower. You can't miss it.
:'''Rex''': Agh! Unh! Why do you have to kill everyone? Can't you just leave us alone?
:'''Zag-RS''': Alone is exactly what I want, Rex.
:'''Rex''': That kind of alone it stinks.
:'''Zag-RS''': N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.
:'''Jacob''': It's gone. Must have uploaded to another location. But without anyone to do it's bidding, it's just a program.
:'''Rex''': What will you do now?
:'''Jacob''': We'll rebuild. The Architect may have been a lie, but what we believe in is true. We don't need him to have a community or a better future. You're welcome to stay. We sure could use someone with your abilities.
:'''White Knight''': Well?
:'''Six''': He's not here. Bobo's been worried sick.
:'''Rex''': rex: Oh, really?
:'''Six''': Ratted you out for a pizza.
:'''Rex''': Huh. Figures. What about you? Here to drag me back to Providence?
:'''Six''': Not this time. Seems like a nice place.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. It is. But it's not home. If I'm going back, there are gonna have to be some changes. First, no more curfew.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Second, I want to decide On my missions.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Okay, but there's one change that absolutely has to be made, or I'm through. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Mmm! Mmm! Isn't this great?
:'''Bobo''': Mmm.
:'''Six''': It's a little dry.
:'''Rex''': Mmm. Mm the lump mash ratio is a bit off.
:'''Bobo''': You know what? Maybe I'll run away, too... Go somewhere where my cooking is appreciated!
:'''Six''': We have to do this every friday?
:'''Rex''': Mmm.

===Frostbite===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I'm picking up a problem. You need to return to base immediately.
:'''Rex''': I miss you, too, doc. But I'm kinda busy dealing with a problem of my own. Whoa! Whoa! Aah! Okay. Ow. Big mistake, tweety. Can that bird brain of yours comprende I'm trying to help you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, your own nanite count is off the charts. If you take on any more nanites, We're looking at an overload.
:'''Rex''': Come on, doc. It's just a big birdie.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': You're already over capacity. This is critical! Rex!
:'''Six''': Rex, you need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at headquarters now.
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a supersize pigeon flying loose all over lower Manhattan? You need me, and I can handle it.
:'''Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': Unless I make it my call.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': (as everyone is fighting) Stop! Need I point out that this isn't the best place for a fight. Anything happens to that storage tank and you'll know why providence made this place so remote. Now let's just talk this out calmly, rationally.
:'''Biowulf''': Whatever happens here, Weaver. It's nothing compared to what Van Kleiss would have done to you.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck. (Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': Rex. You need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Agent Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at Headquarters. Now!
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a super-sized pigeon flying loose over lower Manhattan. You need me and I handle it.
:'''Agent Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': (as he's flying over the Pack in an Arctic storm) Like you're really going to find me when you can't see 2 feet in front of your face... Huh? (Flies into some of Skalamander's shards and crashes) Guess that visibility thing works both ways.
:'''Rex''': (To Weaver) So, thanks to you, all this time I've been supplying nanites to Van Kleiss!
:'''Rex''': Can't you believe you let these scags get the drop on you.
:'''Agent Six''': They tried. It didn't turn out so well. Just haven't found a way to fight xenoflourine gas... yet.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck.(Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': You can't possibly absorb all those nanites! You'd overload in an instant.
:'''Rex''': In case you haven't noticed, I have this problem with authority.
:'''Rex''': (as Rex is absorbing nanites) Six wait! I can hear them!
:'''Doctor Holiday''': (Watching from the ship) What are you waiting for, Six? Take the shot!
:'''Rex''': (Speaking mechanically) Build protocol enabled. Command error detected. Abort. Abort. Stand by engaged. (Rex falls. His voice reverts to normal) Take the shot.
:'''Agent Six''': He told me he could hear them.
:'''Doctor Holiday''': I picked this up during the offload... It's Nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Agent Six''': Seems there are more secrets inside that kid than we realized.
:'''Skalamander:''' What's the kid doing here?
:'''Biowulf:''' I don't know. This was supposed to be routine. Something's not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends!?
:'''Salamander:''' He thinks we've done something.
:'''Biowulf:''' Then let him keep thinking.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' You know, the nanites in me can counteract knockout gas! The playing-possum thing's a pretty good trick. Now tell me where my friends are or I start squeezing!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' He told me he could hear them.
:'''Holiday:''' I pulled this off during the offload. It's nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Six:''' Seems like there are more secrets inside that kid than we thought.

===Leader of the Pack===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' There couldn't possibly be enough E.V.O. activity to account for these nanite readings. They're off the scale. Looking for Van Kleiss?
: '''Rex:''' Circe. I thought I saw her in the blimp.
: '''Holiday:''' That's the girl you met in Cabo Luna.
: '''Rex:''' She may be with the Pack now, but I think I can still get her to talk to me. You know I can be pretty convincing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Holiday, there! Now let's take this outside!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It's quite all right. The determination of youth. I'm sure Circe will be disappointed she couldn't see you, Rex. She's attending to other duties this evening. Now if you will excuse me. 
: '''Rex:''' Why are you really here!?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The people of Abysus have a great way to offer the world. I'm just in part to make that known. 
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe 'cause I couldn't come to you, so now you're coming to me!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I admit you are important to me, Rex, but it's not always about you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe? Interesting look. Want to tell me what's going on?
: '''Circe:''' Not today. 
:(''Knocks him out cold with a metal slate. She later looks outside Rex's prison cell and leaves, with a slightly guilty, dejected expression'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Well, thanks for nearly bashing my brains in back there! And what's with the &quot;knocking me out&quot; thing?
: '''Circe:''' We just needed to keep you out of the way until all of this was over.
: '''Rex:''' ''This!?'' He could destroy the whole city!
: '''Circe:''' He's trying to negotiate peace from a position of strength.
: '''Rex''' (sarcastically)''':''' Oh, yeah! All this nanite power is just screaming peace.
: '''Circe:''' His methods may be aggressive. But he's here to save us...and you. Come on, Rex, jump in with us. The water's fine.
: '''Rex:''' I'll think about it ''after'' I've stopped Van Kleiss.
: '''Circe:''' It's too late for that now, Rex. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We will not be ignored! ''Circe'' understands this. Why don't you respect her judgement?
:'''Rex:''' You think you can lure me in with her.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Like a fish to water.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I won!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It seems you have. Your parents would have been so proud. I never had the chance to tell you about them, have I? Perhaps another time.

===Breach===
: '''Rex:''' This is...different.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What is Van Kliess up to, Breach! Where did he have you send Rex?
: '''Breach:''' Van Kleiss isn't always in charge of me. Sometimes I do what I want; like now.
===Of Love and War===
===No Strings Attached===
===Desperate Measures===
===The E.V.O. Agenda===

===Dark Passage===
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Any man who runs from his past will surely forfeit his future. The time has come to see what you created.
:''[Bussiness Man choking]''
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' And this is only the beginning.
:'''Rex:''' Hey! What's the rush?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Easy now!
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Did I say you could leave?
:'''Six:''' Rex, deactivate his nanites before he--
:'''Rex:''' I'm all over that.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex gasping]''
:'''Bussiness Man:''' Please, don't let him hurt me again.
:'''Rex:''' Hey, don't look at me. I barely touched the guy.
:'''Six:''' Calm down. We're here to help you.
:'''Bussiness Man:''' He said it was just the beginning. You have to stop him!
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy. Somebody's a few tacos short of a fiesta platter.
:'''Business Man:''' H-he is a madman. A madman!
:'''Rex:''' Come back!
:'''White Knight:''' Our most recent EVO incident was not an isolated event. Similar outbreaks have been reported over the past twenty-four hours-- All linked to these mysterious &quot;gifts&quot; sent to each of the victims.
:'''Rex:''' Talk about your sucky presents, like socks for Christmas.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The mechanism delivers a substance that activates latent nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but that dude changed back before I could shut him down. How'd that happen?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' From what I can tell, the victims were only exposed to a low dose designed to wear off quickly.
:'''Six:''' There has to be a motive. Was our victim able to tell you anything?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' No. Complete mental collapse. He's too far gone. But we recovered a partial fingerprint from the device.
:'''White Knight:''' It belongs to evolutionary biologist Dr. Gabriel Rylander. He was a leading expert in nanotechnology.
:'''Six:''' &quot;Was&quot;?
:'''White Knight:''' No one's seen or heard from him since the original nanite event.
:'''Rex:''' Hold up. Are you saying this guy was there?
:'''White Knight:''' We have no evidence of that. But following the event, Rylander vanished-- Along with his wife and young son.
:'''Rex:''' Son?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Analysis of the nanite agent turned up trace elements of a rare plant found only in South America.
:'''White Knight:''' Thermal imaging has located what appears to be a fortified compound, and that's exactly where intelligence reports Van Kleiss is heading, which means you will be, too. We expect the target to be heavily defended. Six, your team will handle the initial covert assault to recover the nanite agent and Dr. Rylander. If Van Kleiss really is after the same target, you better hope you get there first.
:'''Jungle Cat:''' The path is clear, Van Kleiss. I'll continue ahead.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Our newest member of the pack seems to be working out well, wouldn't you agree?
:''[Biowulf scoffs]''
:'''Biowulf:''' You should have stayed in Abysus, master. Even with this suit and soil from home, your powers are weak.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' This is no ordinary errand, Biowulf. An old friend has just announced his return. Dr. Rylander's calling card to the Consortium offers an interesting prospect-- A limitless supply of active nanites. All that power-- Anytime-- Anywhere.
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Bobo:''' Got any idea where they keep the bug spray on this rust bucket? ''[swatting flies]'' Ah, stupid stinkin' nature!
:'''Rex:''' You're a monkey. It's the jungle.
:'''Bobo:''' Lemme tell ya somethin', chief. The jungle's a cruel mistress. One day, you're at the top of banana pile. Next day, you're a pile of peels rottin' in the sun. She'll chew ya up and spit ya out. Never forget that! Never forget!
:'''Rex:''' O-kay, then. Good to know.
:'''Six:''' I understand your point, doctor, but the fact remains we've got no idea what Rylander's agenda is.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His motives don't make his research any less valuable. If I can get my hands on that nanite agent, I might be able to reverse-engineer a permanent cure. Think about what that could mean to the world, for the EVOs Rex can't cure... Like my sister.
:'''Six:''' See anything interesting?
:'''Bobo:''' ''[in distance]'' Never forget!
:'''Rex:''' Don't ask.
:'''Six:''' Listen, Rex, this mission-- I need to make sure your head is in the game.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Six:''' Answers about your  past and whether or not this Rylander has them.
:'''Rex:''' ''[scoffs]'' Whatever. You know, if he does, he does. If he doesn't, no big deal. I can handle it.
:'''Six:''' It's just that... Sometimes knowing the truth can be worse than not knowing at all.
:'''Rex:''' What's down there?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' No idea.
:'''Bobo:''' Whatever it is, it's got company! Show-off.
:'''Rex:''' Sushi-boat special coming up!
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Six:''' Holiday, get us out of here-- Now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's a dead end.
:'''Six:''' Full throttle. Head for the shoreline. Rex! Jump!
:'''Rex:''' Amazon river-- Never a dull moment.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rylander's welcoming committee, no doubt. Gentlemen, if you will.
:''[Skalamander and Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It's fortunate there are other ways to sustain me.
:'''Six:''' Guardian drone. We must be getting close.
:'''Rex:''' Impressive observation, there, Six.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Previous electromagnetic imaging puts the compound in this general region, but something's jamming the frequency now. I can't get an exact location.
:'''Rex:''' That way. Oh, yeah. I'm just that good.
:'''Bobo:''' When you find me an ice-cold drink in this miserable armpit, I'll eat your ticks.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Preparing to cut through some vines]'' I got this. You protect Holiday.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday cuts through the vines]'' Worry about yourselves! Howler monkeys. They're going to give away our location.
:'''Rex:''' Bobo! Do something!
:'''Bobo:''' Like I speak howler monkey? Oh, boy.
:'''Six:''' Run!
:'''Rex:''' I'll try and shut it down.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you okay?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Hey... You know me. A day without getting blown up is like a day without sunshine.
:'''Six:''' You've been quiet.
:'''Rex:''' All right, I've been thinking about it, okay? This Dr. Rylander may finally be proof I'm not alone in this world.
:'''Six:''' And if it's not? I just don't want you to be disappointed. Six to White.
:'''White Knight:''' What's your status? Have you found the location?
:'''Six:''' Affirmative. But it seems we've been beaten to the punch.
:'''White Knight:''' Understood. Captain Calan... You have a go.
:'''Biwoulf:''' It should be here.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Your eyes deceive you, Biowulf.
:'''Rex:''' Should have been aiming at you.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ahh. Providence at last. Traveling light, I see.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, we're just here to find the place. They're here to secure it.
:'''Six:''' Is it here?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Destroy them!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The compound's surrounded by a force field.
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't secure that base, we will take it out.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't lose that formula.
:'''Six:''' Rex, get in there. We'll hold off the pack.
:'''Rex:''' Please don't blow me up.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, you are in no condition for battle. Seek cover.
:'''Rex:''' Punks.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[From behind Rex with a gun]'' Don't move, or I'll drop you. Rex? Is-- Is that you?
:''[Dr. Rylander hugs Rex]''
:'''Rex:''' You... Know my name.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[Laughing]'' Of course I do! I gave it to you! I can't believe you're alive. What a stroke of luck.
:'''Rex:''' Dad?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You've lost your memory, haven't you? Not surprising, considering what you've been through. Oh. Yes. Well, sorry to disappoint you, Rex. I'm afraid I'm not who you want me to be.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. Okay. So, if you're not my dad, do you know where he is? Ah, well, &quot;Rex Rylander&quot; is a goofy name, anyway.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Come quickly. We don't have much time. I was so close to completing the code. There's been a problem with the molecular penetration, resulting in a sequencing gap.
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander, I've got to know.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You must understand-- It was never about power or greed. It was about changing the world-- Saving mankind by putting and end to disease and starvation. And we would have succeeded... Until they got involved.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' The nanites were incomplete. The incident spread them across the globe before we could finish their final programming. Except for you. Yours were from a different batch-- The first, actually. All those... Innocent victims.
:'''Rex:''' If you feel so bad about it, why have you been attacking more people?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Hm. The chosen few. Those men and women, Rex, are far from innocent. While they hide in their office towers and gated estates, I've been here trying to set things right, to find a cure for what we created. I begged them for more funding.
:'''Rex:''' Wait! Everyone you attacked was... They all worked on the Nanite Project?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' They commissioned it. I merely wished to send them a warning to show them what would happen if they refused to help finish the good work we started. And it was good, Rex. You're living proof that we were doing the right thing.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Indignant]'' By turning me into an EVO?!
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You had an accident. The nanites were your only hope. It was a tremendous gamble. The... Unexpected side effects came later. It was a surprise to all of us.
:''[Dr. Rylander chuckles]''
:''Dr. Rylander:''' The look on your brother's face.
:'''Rex:''' Brother?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' When the event occurred, it was yo powers that saved you both. Most of the others-- They weren't so lucky.
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' I'm not alone.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Oh, here. I have something for you.
:''[Injects the mighty and all-powerful Omega Nanite into his system]''
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa!
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' The force-field must be failing.
:'''Rex:''' Forget the force-field! What did you just inject me with?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[[w:Omnipotence |Everything]]''.
:'''Rex:''' Enough, okay?! Do you have any idea what it's been like-- Not knowing who I am, if my family's dead or alive?! Quit with the rambling mad-scientist act and give me some answers!
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Forgive me, Rex. I've been so consumed with my own guilt, I didn't consider what you must be going through. The truth is--
:''[Dr. Rylander gasps]''
:''[Van Kleiss stabs Rylander from behind]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Truth, doctor? You wouldn't know the first thing about it. Nor loyalty, for that matter. How many times must I tell you this, Rex? The answers you so desperately seek lie with me. And as for you, doctor, consider our past disagreement settled. I look forward to continuing our research... Alone. This was unavoidable, Rex. The longer you resist me, the more people get hurt.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss grunting]''
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rylander has always been on borrowed time. All of this belongs to me now. Destroy me, and you lose everything.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex groaning]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Six:''' Rex. Where's Rylander?
:'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Six:''' The reactor is shot. This entire place is about to blow.
:'''Bobo:''' Don't have to tell me twice.
:'''Biowulf:''' Why do they run?
:'''Skalamander:''' Where is Van Kleiss?
:'''Six:''' No, I didn't see what happened. But according to Rex, Van Kleiss has been eliminated. Rylander's experiment is a total loss.
:'''Holiday:''' All of this for nothing. I'm sorry, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' It wasn't for nothing, doc. I've got a brother.... Out there... Somewhere. I'm not alone anymore. Finally, I've started to get some real answers. I feel closer to the truth than ever.

===The Forgotten===
:'''Six:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' It's like I'm hearing through my nanites.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' You are not the Before.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not sure that was a complete sentence back then.
:'''No-Face:''' ''They'' are the Before! The Before forgot us. The Before left us in pain.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Operation: Wingman===
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Do you have a girlfriend?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;It's complicated. She's in league with an evil dictator who wants me dead.&quot;
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Yeah. My dad's always worried about me dating, too.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Rabble===
:'''Quarry''': Come on, Rex. (''holds up Rex's journal'') We both know this is what you really want. So go ahead take it. Walk away. Show them who you really are. You were always very good a taking care of yourself. Why should now be any different?
:'''Rex''': (''Cuts his journal in two'') Whoever I was back then, is not who I am now. Not anymore.
:'''Quarry''': Your choice.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''': It's over, Quarry! You lose!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Sqywwd:''' I hope you don't expect us to thank you.
: '''Rex:''' No. Providence won't bother you unless you do something stupid.
: '''Cricket:''' We'll be fine. Thank you, Rex. 
:(''Kisses him on the check'')
: '''Tuck:''' Don't forget about us, Okay?
: '''Rex:''' That may be a promise I can't keep. (''Flies off on his Boogie Pack'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' It's going to happen again, isn't it? I'm going to blank out. How long do I have?
: '''Holiday:''' I don't know, Rex. It's likely triggered by a specific event; something traumatic.

===The Hunter===
:'''Man:''' It's-- It's Providence! Some kind of EVO attack!
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Oh. Huh. Good times. Bugs. I hate it when they dig.
:'''Six:''' We need to take it down fast before it causes any more damage.
:'''Rex:''' All right. Meet &quot;Exterm&quot; and &quot;Nator&quot;! Uh-- Yeah, I'm working on it. Ew! EVO breath.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Unh! Aah! Come on! That's my favorite hand!
:''[Innocent Woman gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Yeah! Down, boy! You're okay. This will all be over soon. Hyah!
:'''Six:''' I got the pincers. Now flip the switch on its nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, don't exactly have the best luck with non-humans, remember?
:'''Six:''' Afraid to try?
:''[Rex sighs]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Six! It's working!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Enough!
:'''Rex:''' Unh! What's your damage, man? I was this close to curing that thing.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Didn't look that way to me. Filthy EVO.
:'''Rex:''' Filthy EVO?
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Give me a reason. Just one.
:'''Six:''' Lower your weapon.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' I know my rights. The law says we can defend ourselves against EVO scum.
:'''Rex:''' In case you didn't notice, that's exactly what we were doing. It's our job.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Really? Look around. These are our homes. What's left of them. Your job is making our lives worse.
:''[The crowd cheers]''
:'''Hunter Cain:''' These people have had enough.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? We're here to help!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Do these people look like they want your kind of help? People know what's going on. Providence claims they're here to cure the world. But now they got one of those sickos working for them?! It makes you wonder whose side they're really on.
:'''Six:''' Come on, Rex. Let it go.
:'''Rex:''' Who does that guy think he is? I'm out there risking my neck every day. People love me.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[as Holiday is treating Rex]'' Some people just have too much hate in them to see things any other way. Hold still.
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Bobo:''' Don't sweat it, kid. Humans are idiots. End of story.
:'''Rex:''' Not all of them. But anyone who would believe what that guy has to say? Makes you wonder.
:'''Six:''' His name is Hunter Cain. Lost his wife a few months ago when she turned. Local authorities say this isn't the first EVO he's attacked.
:'''White Knight:''' Another hometown hero. Is he going to be a problem?
:'''Six:''' Usually, I'd say no. This time, I'm not so sure.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' Tonight on &quot;Ultimate Exposure&quot;, the rise of Hunter Cain. ''[on television]'' Since his arrival on the scene just over a month ago, the Hunter has captured public's attention. Such common man aid such as Providence. He inspired men to following, including the making of his own personal army.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' We're dealing with an epidemic here, and we're the cure. When something is making you  sick, you cut it out.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' And what of Providence's secret weapon? No longer so secret?
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' How can we protect our children from this disease when the very thing we're fighting against is walking free among us?
:'''Diane Farrah:''' But you know you can't catch EVO, like a cold.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Says who? Providence scientists? You're gonna trust them? We need to protect ourselves from this Rex and every other sicko like him. ''[on television]'' People should be able to draw their own conclusions.
:''[Rex grumbles]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[to the television while fighting an EVO]'' Arrgh! Here's my conclusion-- You're a lying whack job!
:'''Bobo:''' You know he can't hear you, right? Now can we finish this?
:'''Rex:''' See there? Nothing to worry about. Your old pal Rex making the streets safe. Uh, curing EVOs? Saving cute puppies?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Noah:''' Somebody's off the game.
:'''Rex:''' I'm just warming up.
:'''Noah:''' We've been playing for an hour. I saw the news. Hunter Cain really has it out for you.
:'''Rex:''' Forget him, Noah. I mean, this guy's a joke. Do you really think people believe what he's saying? Do you?
:'''Noah:''' It's complicated, Rex. People are afraid. They'll believe anything if it sounds like it will keep them safe. I know you're cool, but everyone else--
:'''Rex:''' They'll just have to be won over by my charm and personality.
:'''Boy:''' Yo, look-- It's him, the EVO from TV.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, what's up? Wanna play?
:'''Boy:''' Then catch your freak disease? Puh!
:'''Rex:''' So, that would be a no.
:'''Boy:''' Why don't you get lost? We don't want you and your EVO germs around here.
:'''Innocent Girl:''' Yeah!
:'''Noah:''' We don't want any trouble.
:'''Boy:''' Stay out of this, EVO-lover! You're the trouble, am I right?
:'''Innocent Girl:''' Yeah!
:'''Rex:''' Unh! Oh, now we're throwing rocks?
:'''Noah:''' You better go.
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm not gonna let a few jerks push me around.
:'''Noah:''' Rex, it's more than a few.
:'''Rex:''' Unh! Okay. Back off. I said, back off!
:'''Boy:''' Unh!
:'''Rex:''' Aah! That was an accident! I wasn't trying to hurt him. Come on, it's not like that. I'm not-- Unh!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' You want EVO?! That's what you want?! Try to run me over with your big, dumb buss!
:''[Rex breathing heavily]''
:'''Noah:''' Rex, you really have to get out of here.
:'''Rex:''' I didn't mean-- I-I have to explain.
:'''Noah:''' It's way too late for that. Go! Go now! Go!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' This is exactly what I was warning about. Providence insists on sheltering this dangerous EVO, letting it endanger our families with its nanites. Is that helping us? Not a chance.
:'''Boy:''' Yeah. It tried to infect me. It's a miracle I'm still alive.
:'''Instigator:''' I saw what it could do. We're lucky to have a good man like Hunter Cain protecting us.
:'''Innocent Woman:''' I thought Rex was helping, but is it really safe having him around?
:'''White Knight:''' This is a officially completely out of control!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex was only defending himself. Hunter Cain is whipping the public into a frenzy.
:'''Bobo:''' Why am I not surprised? Humans are sheep. I should shave him and make a coat.
:'''White Knight:''' We should have dealt with this sooner. Can't someone put a lid on this guy?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We have truth on our side. Once we discredit him, this is over.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, two slices of apple.
:'''Noah:''' Let's just go, okay? You said we were going for pie.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah. Pie at his favorite restaurant. I just want to talk.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' I've got nothing to say to you.
:'''Rex:''' Then just listen. You hate EVOs. I get it. A lot of them are really bad news. But I'm not. People need to know the truth. I don't wanna hurt anyone.
:''[Hunter Cain smirks sarcastically]''
:''[Hunter Cain scoffs]''
:'''Rex:''' What have I ever done to you?
:'''Hunter Cain:''' You're infected.
:'''Rex:''' We're all infected, every one of us. Even you.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Providence lies.
:'''Rex:''' That's just-- Argh! You are a moron!
:'''Noah:''' Rex--
:'''Hunter Cain:''' What are you? The world's big hope? I don't need an EVO to save me. And they don't, either. We don't need you. We don't need Providence.
:'''Instigator:''' We gotta go after him?
:'''Hunter Cain:''' No. His day is coming.
:'''Rex:''' They don't want my help? Fine! No more flying to the rescue. No more turning giant blobs back into mailmen.
:'''Bobo:''' Works for me.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But the people who really do need you, they're the ones who'll really suffer.
:'''Bobo:''' Ah. Details.
:'''Rex:''' They don't think I'm any different than those things down in the Petting Zoo, why should I care?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Because someone has to. Most people have given up hope, Rex. Since you came here, that's changing. Don't let one man's anger get in the way.
:'''Rex:''' That's the problem, doc. It isn't just one man. I walk down the street and everyone looks at me like I'm gonna turn them into some monster. Forget it! I'm through.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[Sighs]'' Well, if you want my opinion--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I don't.
:'''White Knight:''' Full-scale alert! I want strike teams geared  up and ready to deploy!
:'''Providence Agent:''' This is Alpha Team-- Ready! Bravo Team a go! Weapons check! Nothing yet, sir. No sign of-- Sweet mother of mercy! Open fire! Open fire! Alpha Team-- We're surrounded! We're cut off! They're on top of us. They're right on top of us! Bravo Team-- We're pinned down! We're pinned down! To your left, to your left! Look out! Aah! Send reinforcements! Send everything!
:'''White Knight:''' How did we get such a huge concentration of EVOs in one place? Did you talk to Rex?
:'''Six:''' Still says no.
:'''White Knight:''' Get down there with another team and clean this mess up. Wipe it if you have to.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' See that, folks? Providence isn't the only answer. What happened to its hero? What about Rex?
:'''Providence Agent:''' Blasters are useless against these things. Whatever they have is working.
:'''Rex:''' Get popper, people!
:'''Six:''' Glad you could make it.
:'''Rex:''' Tired of seeing someone else do my job-- Poorly, I might add.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Not this time, freak.
:'''Six:''' Rex!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Can't you just die already?
:'''Rex:''' I don't do dying. You're not so-- You have no idea who you're trying to kill. You're done. I just want to know why.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' You push hope where there isn't any. There's no saving EVOs. There can't be! You're a sickness. And you need to be destroyed.
:'''Rex:''' Ouch!
:'''Instigator:''' Hunter! Help us! Please! We're out of the ammo! The EVOs! They're everywhere!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Cost me everything I had for those cloned EVOs.
:'''Rex:''' This was a setup.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' A demonstration to prove how worthless Providence is.
:'''Rex:''' Did you hear that guy? It's not exactly working.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Every war has its casualties.
:'''Rex:''' You're our one match-up dude!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Well, what are you waiting for? Show everyone who you really are.
:'''Rex:''' I will. I don't care what you think about me. I don't care what anyone thinks. Not anymore. The people want to hate me? I can't stop them. But it's not going to stop me from doing my job! You want to know why? Because I'm awesome. Try not to fall. I got this! Well? Adios!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' There's a fight coming. It's time to choose sides.
:'''Instigator:''' You showed me we didn't have to be helpless anymore. But sometimes, you still gotta ask for help.
:'''Rex:''' He's not the only one out there like that, is he?
:'''Six:''' Unfortunately, no.
:'''Innocent Woman:''' Sometimes you just get the wrong idea. He's fighting for us.
:'''Innocent Boy:''' He saved my mother!
:'''Innocent Girl:''' He saved my dog!
:'''Old Man:''' He saved my priest.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' ''[on television]'' Providence's secret weapon-- A teenage boy named Rex. Hero? Abomination? Humanity's last hope? You decide.
:''[TV turns off]''
:'''Rex:''' Well, a few people get it. That's a start.
:'''Bobo:''' What can I say that I haven't said already? Humans are idiots. But every once in a while, they get it right.

===Gravity===
:'''Pete Volkov:''' ''[Russian accent]'' Magnetic containment unit functioning perfectly.
:'''Bouvier:''' ''[French accent]'' Commencing Bouvier algorithm.
:'''Dr. Rhodes:''' The code looks good.
:'''Bouvier:''' Why, of course it looks good. I wrote it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Separating Nanite &quot;Q&quot; sample from control group. Dr. Rhodes, magnification, please. Thank you. Salvatore, begin molecular separation. Here it is. &quot;De-com&quot; nanite, version two hundred fourty-three. Commencing protocol.
:'''Bobo:''' If this works, you may be out of a job.
:'''Rex:''' You see me complaining? If Providence wants the armored soldiers with reprogrammed nanites that cure EVOs, that's fine by me. I'll finally have my weekends free.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's working. The De-com nanites are deactivating the control group.
:'''Dr. Rhodes:''' Toast of deactivation achieved.
:'''Bouvier:''' A toast to me. What? You think this could have worked without my nanite immobilizing algorithm?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hold off on the high-fives. The nanites are back online-- And self-destructing. Shut it down. We'll reset and try again.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' I cannot shut it down.
:'''Bouvier:''' Impossible. All the simulations I ran--
:'''Zag-RS:''' We're perfect. This new data will be most helpful.
:'''Dr. Rhodes:''' Who said that?
:'''Rex:''' Zag-RS.
:'''Comm-Tech:'''I'm detecting a data signal from the station to a location off-site.
:'''Rex:''' Doc, you remember that psycho computer program that was gonna destroy the world? She's back.
:'''Zag-RS:''' I prefer &quot;artificial intelligence.&quot; And I don't plan to destroy the world, just all the nanites in it. Admittedly, every creature infested with them will die.
:'''Bobo:''' Hey, I resemble that remark!
:'''Rex:''' Didn't happen last time. Not gonna happen now, Zag!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Actually, Rex, if it has this program in its current state, that's exactly what will happen.
:'''Rex:''' Out of my way! Out of my way!
:'''Comm Tech:''' The data stream is being routed through our relay switch here at Providence. You'll need to turn it off.
:'''Rex:''' It's off.
:'''White Knight:''' Well?
:'''Comm Tech:''' Negative, sir. It's now streaming directly to an unknown location. We've lost the feed.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How far along is the experiment download?
:'''Bouvier:''' Uh, uh... 72%.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Dr. Rhodes, the communication controls-- Kill that feed at the source. Volkov, help me contain the A.I. We need a firewall to stop it from getting off the ship. The data is encrypted. If we can stop it in time, the information will be useless.
:'''Bouvier:''' 84%. There's no time.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Zag-RS must not leave this station. You saw those test nanites blow up. Do you want that to happen inside every living thing on Earth? It's just trying to distract us. Rhodes, unplug the containment unit.
:'''Zag-RS:''' Your efforts are pointless.
:'''Bouvier:''' 95% downloaded. 97%. 98%.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh!
:'''Pete Volkov:''' We prevented it from escaping the station, but it seems to be hiding in the navigation system.
:'''Dr. Rhodes:''' How did it get here in the first place? All our system software was thoroughly scrubbed.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Actually, not all of it. Someone insisted their groundbreaking program come in on a separate drive.
:''[Bouvier stammers]''
:'''Bouvier:''' This is not my fault.
:'''White Knight:''' Holiday, you're losing altitude! Can you correct your vector?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Negative, Providence. We're locked out of navigation. Zag-RS is doing that.
:'''Rex:''' What happens if they can't correct the vector thing?
:'''Six:''' They'll crash into the atmosphere and disintegrate.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Bouvier, you brought it on board. Now let's go erase it.
:'''Bouvier:''' I swear, I did not know this would happen. The algorithm-- It was too easy to write. It practically created itself.
:'''Dr. Rhodes:''' Dr. Holiday, I'll come.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' If there's power in the system, she'll just keep hiding until it reboots. We'll have to ditch the power core and go for a complete shutdown.
:'''Dr. Rhodes:''' You positive? Aah!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Aah!
:'''Six:''' Holiday, what happened?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Zag-RS opened the door on Rhodes. I have to stop her before she gets us all.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Stop! You can't do this! No put the station spin! It's suicide!
:'''Bouvier:''' So is staying here. I at least give myself a chance!
:'''Comm Tech:''' We've got system failures. Multiple hull impacts.
:'''Six:''' Providence to station-- Status.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Bouvier decided to leave early. I'm going to jettison the power core. We'll lose, well, pretty much everything.
:'''Rex:''' But you'll get the station back on track, right, doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can always hope, Rex. Holiday out.
:'''Rex:''' Hey, doc? Doc?!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Looks like it's just you and me, Pete. What's our status?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Battery life support, but that's all.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Any sign of Zag-RS?
:'''Comm Tech:''' Orbital decaying is increasing. And as long as they're tumbling, launching the other capsule is too dangerous.
:'''Rex:''' Well, send someone to fix it.
:'''White Knight:''' How long to prep a shuttle?
:'''Comm Tech:''' Twelve hours. They'll hit the atmosphere and break up in about two.
:'''Six:''' We need options.
:'''Comm Tech:''' Could try the space elevator.
:'''Rex:''' Perfect! Put me on it and I can fix the station!
:'''White Knight:''' It's only for cargo. The G-Forces alone would kill a person.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, hello? Have we met? Not exactly a normal person here.
:'''White Knight:''' We can't afford to lose you too, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' No one's losing anyone! Come on, Knight. Have I ever not made it work?
:'''Six:''' Replacement power core and relays. The elevator doesn't reach the station's orbit altitude, so you'll use the freight sled at the top of the station.
:'''Rex:''' Sure you don't want to come?
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, chip's a bad history with space, so-- No. Have a good trip, try not to die.
:'''Six:''' ''[Rex is on the space elevator]'' How's it going?
:'''Rex:''' Oh! Great! Thanks for asking.
:'''Six:''' Good. Because we need to speed you up to make the rendezvous window.
:'''Rex:''' But-- Aah!
:''[Elevator accelerates]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' What was that?
:'''Six:''' You crashed through the station.
:'''Rex:''' That's not supposed to happen, is it?
:'''Six:''' Problem with the braking mechanism. If you can't stop, you'll keep going... Forever.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaaah!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Stopped it.
:'''White Knight:''' Can he make the rendezvous?
:'''Six:''' Ah, yes. Rex, they made a slight miscalculation in the rate of the station's orbital decay.
:'''Rex:''' Uh-huh. Define &quot;slight.&quot; Unh!
:'''Six:''' Rex! Rex, do you read?
:'''Rex:''' Ow. Aah! Unh! Hope the doorbell works.
:''[Rex breathing heavily]''
:'''Rex:''' Unh!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Mission control, I made it aboard. Mission control, come in! Oh, great! The radio. Well, welcome aboard to you, too. Hello? Doc? Anyone here?
:''[Rex spots the station falling towards him]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[opening the door]'' Rex?!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:''[Dr. Holiday hugs Rex]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What do you-- How did you--
:'''Rex:''' Space elevator. Can you believe it?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' The impact a few minutes ago.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. Yeah. Let's just say &quot;down&quot; is no longer an option.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not many options here, either. The power's nearly gone. Communications are shot. We only have a little time left before we hit the atmosphere.
:'''Rex:''' So, how about you two put on your thinking caps and figure out what we need to do to not crash and burn?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' We need power to do anything.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But Zag-RS--
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Should have been deleted in the power-core purge.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Fine. But both solar arrays are damaged, and the couplings are shot.
:'''Rex:''' Let me give it a try.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' What can he do? This requires precision, not smashing.
:'''Rex:''' Hmm.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can use Salvatore. Look, Volkov, Rex may not look like much, but having him here, he may actually save us.
:'''Rex:''' Thanks for the vote of confidence.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Dr. Holiday leads Rex away. Quietly to Rex]'' If you blow it, we're dead. Got it? Start with the couplings and see if we can use the solar arrays to generate any power.
:'''Rex:''' How's the robot, uh...?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's voice activated. Salvatore, pick up those yellow coupling cables.
:'''Rex:''' How's that feel?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Slightly less catastrophic, thank you.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' No. No computers. If Zag-RS is somehow still in there--
:'''Pete Volkov:''' How do we stabilize this station without gyroscopic control of the thruster jets?
:'''Rex:''' ''[as Rex is space walking]'' Pretty incredible up here, isn't it, guys?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Aside from the imminent doom, yes. Awe-inspiring.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, the thrusters are normally controlled through the navigation software. I need you to bypass the system and connect the thrusters directly to the command module.
:'''Rex:''' I can't reach the thruster from here without-- Hold on to this, will you, Salvatore?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Are you sure you know what you're doing?
:'''Rex:''' Not a clue. Try the controls now. Reel me in, Sally. Salvatore? Okay. Fire it up!
:'''Pete Volkov:''' We might have a tiny chance of getting out of your life. Altitude burn in three, two, one.
:''[Pete Volkov scoffs]''
:'''Pete Volkov:''' There must have been a fuel leak in the collision.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' At least we're stable enough for an evac now. Rex, take Salvatore and retrieve the containment unit. We'll prep the escape capsule.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Is this a bad time to observe there's only two seats in the escape capsule and three of us?
:'''Rex:''' Easy. You can sit on the floor, Volkov. Too bad we can't take sparky with. I could really go for a robo-butler.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Talk with Knight when we get home. I think we can go now.
:'''Zag-RS:''' Correction. Now I can go. You were right to shut the station down. I would have regained control if you hadn't. Fortunately, I was able to download myself into something autonomous.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' That is our only means of survival! You can't take it!
:'''Zag-RS:''' Incorrect.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Be careful, the hole.
:'''Rex:''' Sorry, Professor, but this requires smashing, not precision. Get to the capsule!
:'''Zag-RS:''' It seems you've forgotten my ability to destroy nanites at close range, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Thanks for the reminder.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' ''[to Dr. Holiday]'' Why worry about hitting the atmosphere? These two will get us first.
:'''Rex:''' Hey. Trying to stop a killer robot over here. &quot;Thanks&quot; or &quot;Keep it up&quot; would do fine.
:'''Zag-RS:''' To defeat me, you'll have to destroy the station and everyone on board. But I did enjoy stabilizing the station with you. Please exit the capsule now.
:'''Rex:''' Forget stable.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, come on!
:'''Rex:''' Can't... do it. I'm spent. Go. Launch while you can.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not 'til you're in here!
:'''Rex:''' You got the nanites. If anyone can figure out how to make'em work, it's you. You won't even need me anymore. I'll hold her off!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Launch!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Dr. Holiday throws the nanites at Zag RS. Then Holiday runs up to Rex]'' Rex, you never gave up on us. We're not giving up on you. Now get in here so we can go home!
:'''Zag-RS:''' This is not... over.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, it is for now.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Engaging stabilizers. The heat shield is damaged. It appears we are going to die... again.
:'''Rex:''' I got your heat shield... right here! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Oh-ho! Hot! Hot! Hot! Aah!
:'''White Knight:''' Shut it down.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Providence, this is Holiday. We're clear of re-entry and deploying parachute. Think you could arrange a pickup?
:'''Six:''' On its way. You'll be happy to know we're in contact with Rhodes. Their spacesuit saved her. We're prepping a shuttle now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Thanks. And Six-- It's good to hear your voice.
:'''Rex:''' Listen, doc. About up there, just before we got away from the robot--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' After you came all that way to get me, it's the least I could do.
:'''Rex:''' So, how long until we get picked up?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Bad news. Transponder is toast.
:'''Rex:''' Ha! You two better not get seasick.

===What Lies Beneath===
: '''Circe:''' Rex, it's me.
: '''Rex:''' Circe? What do ''you'' want!?
: '''Circe:''' Things in Abysus- they're bad, Rex. I need your help.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, well, how do I put this nicely? Not a chance! You made your choice, Circe! I made mine. End of story.
: '''Circe:''' Please, Rex. I know you're mad at me, but this is a matter of life and death.
: '''Rex:''' A lot of things are right now. Nice talking to you.
: '''Circe:''' Rex!?
: (''Looks crestfallen'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I didn't know you were still in touch with Circe.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, me neither. Can we please stop talking about this?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' She's very pretty.
: '''Rex:''' She works for Van Kleiss. She's the enemy. 
: '''Holiday:''' But you still like her, don't you?
: '''Rex:''' I am ''not'' talking about this!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Rex, thank you.
: '''Rex:''' I'm not doing this for you. But...your welcome. (''Circe similes hopefully'') So what exactly am I supposed to do?
:'''Holiday:''' When I said you were the key, I meant that literally. According to the plans, the machine needs to be turned on by a molecular level. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' You ''lied'' to me!!
: '''Circe:''' You wouldn't have come if I told you the truth.
: '''Rex:''' This wasn't about you needing ''me''!! This is about you needing Van Kleiss!!
: '''Circe:''' I need you both. Please, Rex, you don't understand.
: '''Rex:''' No!! ''You'' don't understand!! Van Kleiss is gone and I intend to keep it that way!!
: '''Biowulf:''' You destroyed us all!!
: '''Six:''' Don't even breathe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You don't know what you've done.
: '''Rex:''' Then, I guess we're even.
: '''Circe:''' You've never understood his power. Van Kleiss kept us safe here. His force was the only thing keeping Abysus together, and you destroyed that.
: '''Rex:''' We're done here!!
: '''Holiday:''' Rex, I think she's right. Nanites operate on a molecular level. If they bonded with Van Kleiss, breaking off his connection must have caused a splinter; resulting in a disastrous chain reaction.
: '''Rex:''' I'm ''not'' bringing him back! ''Not now, not ever!!'' Besides, you don't need Van Kleiss! You have me!! Why not go straight to the source?!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, no!
:'''Six:''' Stand down! It's too dangerous!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Let go of me!!
: '''Holiday:''' If you keep fighting these unstable nanites, they're going to destroy you!
: '''Rex:''' And if I don't they'll destroy everybody else.
: '''Holiday:''' Not if you listen to me! I have an idea. It's a long shot. Instead of fighting the nanites, ''communicate'' with them.
: '''Six:''' You want to talk to the nanites?
: '''Holiday:''' He's done it before.
: '''Rex:''' Never anything this big.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I got you! Don't let go!! (''Rex struggles to save Circe from falling as she clings to him; tears fill her eyes''). ''Circe!!'' (''as she falls into the black goop of highly unstable nanites'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' ''Circe!'' Six! Dr. Holiday! Okay, you win. (''technopathically starts the machine''). Something's...not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Circe! Come on, breathe!
: '''Circe''' (''coughs weakly'')''':''' Hey.
: '''Rex:''' Hey.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Stay with us, Circe. Van Kleiss is done.
: '''Circe:''' As much as I care about you, Rex, Van Kleiss and the Pack are my family. They took me in when no one else would. I can't abandon them.
: '''Rex:''' So that's it. We're always going to be on opposite sides.
: '''Circe:''' It does keep it interesting.

===The Swarm===
:'''Rex''' (thinking'')''':''' ''Gotta stay under. Not sure I can...make it.
:(''Has visions of those most dear to him: Noah, his crush Circe, Holiday, Six, Bobo)

===Basic===
===The Plague===
:'''White Knight:''' The country was infected in three hours. The entire North American continent was asleep in five. All satellites are offline and there's been no communication from overseas. The Plague hit Providence before quarantine protocols could be established. Dr. Holiday has managed to keep herself awake using electric neural stimulation. EVOs seem to be immune to the Plague, which leaves us with only one agent left to deal with this mess.
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! This is gonna be a... long day.
:'''White Knight:''' It's gonna be the last stop for those commuters  if you can't catch that train.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, I know. But I gotta find it first. Huh? Uh, found it. Ughh! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''White Knight:''' Rex, report.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Mission accomplished. I'm heading back to the lab. Oh, man. I'm gonna be sore for weeks.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[Sighing]'' Oh. This is seriously wearing me out. Come on, Rex. Pull it together. Ugh!
:'''White Knight:''' Dr. Holiday is heading to the initial outbreak area now. She's come up short as to any way of reversing the Plague. I'm counting on her solving this before the electric shocks damage her brain beyond usefulness.
:''[Rex yawns loudly]''
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' This is like spitting on a forest fire. Things are probably going wrong in every city on Earth.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Every life saved counts, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, I know. How are Six and Bobo? But Bobo's an EVO.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Same as the others, asleep. He should have been immune like you.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I-I don't have a clue about this thing.
:''[Dr. Holiday gets shocked]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! And these shocks won't keep me awake forever.
:'''White Knight:''' All the more reason not to waste any more time!
:'''Rex:''' She's not wasting time!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' No, he's right. We've got sixty hours at best before people start dying of thirst.
:'''White Knight:''' And hundred or so will die within the hour if the downtown fire spreads any further.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Sighs]'' Oh. Back to work.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Something told billions of viruses to evolve into a sleeping Plague. The key to solving this is finding Patient Zero.
:'''White Knight:''' Get up to the Cayuga dam now. The floodgates are closed. It'll crack if you don't relieve the pressure.
:'''Rex:''' So, how do we find Patient Zero?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's not going to be so easy.
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! Ugh! Oh, come on! Hope you like fish sticks for dinner, doc.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' If we can find the frequency that connected Patient Zero to the nanites, we can trace it back to him.
:'''Rex:''' Fantastic. I find Patient Zero, shut him down, and, boom, everybody wakes up ready for breakfast.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Yes. No. I mean, maybe. Ugh, I'm so tired. I can't think.
:''[Dr. Holiday gets shocked]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! And these stupid shocks.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Maybe I should be studying Bobo instead.
:'''Rex:''' Easy, doc. Deep breaths. Is there anything I can do?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Oof. Lost it there. I'm okay. I modified this scanner to find the nanite control frequency.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But it could take hours.
:'''White Knight:''' Dr. Holiday, where's my update?
:'''Rex:''' Do you really think she'd keep it a secret if she found something? She's been working around the clock.
:'''White Knight:''' And that's the way it's going to be until we figure this out.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Just give me a moment. ''[Sleepily]'' I can find the--
:'''Rex:''' Doc! Doc!
:'''White Knight:''' ''[after Holiday passes out]'' That's great. She couldn't stay awake an hour or two more?
:'''Rex:''' At least she was working on the problem.
:'''White Knight:''' She's doing her job. Which is what I expect from both of you. Where are you going?
:'''Rex:''' To Follow Doc's plan.
:''[the door closes]''
:'''Rex:''' You can stay there and decide if you're good for anything besides yelling at people.
:''[Rex breathes heavily]''
:'''White Knight:''' We're down to eighteen hours before we start losing people.
:'''Rex:''' Like I don't know that?
:'''White Knight:''' What's the holdup?
:'''Rex:''' I just need a second.
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't handle this--
:'''Rex:''' What are you gonna do-- Shuffle some papers at me? I'm all you've got, so back off!
:''[Ends the transmission]''
:'''White Knight:''' You are not that special, kid. And there is way too much at stake now. White Knight protocols. Code designation-- Iron Mace Alpha. Commence systems check. Confirm nanite shielding integrity. Put a hustle on, hotshot. Once it's dark, it'll be harder to find anything.
:'''Rex:''' Fine! You want speed?
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Ugh! Ugh. Hey, freak face. The buffet is closed.
:''[Rex breathes heavily]''
:'''Rex:''' I can't. I can't do this by myself any more.
:'''White Knight:''' [Arriving] You don't have to.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa. Nice suit.
:'''White Knight:''' Thrill me.
:'''Rex:''' White Knight out of the office? This really is the end of the world.
:'''White Knight:''' I'm trying to prevent that.
:'''Rex:''' This isn't exactly a desk job. Think you can keep up?
:'''White Knight:''' I'll manage.
:'''Rex:''' Okay. But as my sidekick, you need to have a cool name. How about &quot;Gizmodude&quot;? No, no, no. How about &quot;Robopants&quot;?
:'''White Knight:''' Anything? Before they went offline, the satellites showed that the Plague started in this area. Patient Zero is somewhere down there.
:'''Rex:''' What do you want me to do, go door to door like I'm looking for a little lost puppy?
:'''White Knight:''' If we don't find and neutralize the source of the Plague, we'll need to take drastic measures.
:'''Rex:''' The &quot;Make you glow in the dark&quot; kind? Come on. Pass. Maybe we can narrow our search. He's Patient Zero, right? The first one sick. So, maybe he was already at a doctor's office or a hospital.
:'''White Knight:''' The keep's records show eight clinics, two major hospitals, and eighty-two general practitioners.
:'''Rex:''' See? Now we're getting somewhere. Try and keep up.
:'''White Knight:''' I don't know how Six does it.
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Ugh! Ah! Aah!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Sorry. Won't happen again. I'm-- I'm-- I'm fine.
:'''White Knight:''' Take five. You're useless to me as a zombie.
:'''Rex:''' No, don't want to slow things... up. Okay, okay, I'm awake! Make up your mind.
:'''White Knight:''' It's not me.
:'''Rex:''' It found the frequency! Ooh, looks like a tight fit. Someone needs to lay off the milkshakes. I got it covered. You have serious control issues. Wait here. Interesting. Huh. Don't be surprised if you get a bill for that. I think this is the virus.
:'''White Knight:''' Viruses are too small to see.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but it's an EVO virus, remember? I'd say we've got the right place. It's still changing. I don't think he's finished going EVO.
:'''White Knight:''' All right. Get to it.
:'''Rex:''' Let's hope this guy is curable.
:''[Rex gasps]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' What? Uh, I don't get it. It's working but it's not. He just heals. What are you doing?
:'''White Knight:''' We're out of options.
:'''Rex:''' No! I'm trying to cure him!
:'''White Knight:''' And failing. Back up.
:'''Rex:''' But, Dr. Holiday--
:'''White Knight:''' Is not here. She said he was the key. You tried your way, it didn't work.
:'''Rex:''' You're not doing this!
:'''White Knight:''' It's not up for debate.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' If you vaporize him and it doesn't work, we've got no Chance to reverse this Plague.
:'''White Knight:''' And you're suddenly the genius that's gonna figure it out? We have only hours before people start dying. Now move aside.
:'''Rex:''' No. Stop it, Knight, before these people get hurt.
:'''White Knight:''' Just as soon as you step away.
:'''Rex:''' Aah! ''[about Knight's armored suit]'' That wasn't built to fight EVOs. That was built to fight me!
:'''White Knight:''' It's for our own protection.
:'''Rex:''' Well, let's see how well it works. You've never trusted me.
:'''White Knight:''' I don't trust anything with nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Everything has nanites!
:''[Rex strains]''
:'''White Knight:''' Eveything but me.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''White Knight:''' Didn't you ever wonder why I live in a sterilized box? That's why I run Providence. I can't be corrupted. I'll never evolve into some freak that betrays his team. I'm the only one that can be trusted.
:'''Rex:''' Well, here's the update, Knight-- Everybody on the planet has nanites-- Everybody but you. That makes me normal. You're the freak. You are unbelievable.
:'''White Knight:''' I'm ready to hear your theories, doctor.
:'''Rex:''' Still? What, I gotta do this a piece at a time? Okay.
:'''White Knight:''' Should've let me take him out when I still could.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, well, maybe if I devolve enough pieces of his armor, you'll get a decent shot in.
:'''White Knight:''' Get to it.
:'''Rex:''' Hmm. Wait. Pieces. It's lots of pieces. It's working, but on the wrong EVO. That's not Patient Zero, that's the virus. Patient Zero was under all that gross stuff. The outside part is mutating to defend him. He's commanding the viruses to protect him. The Plague was his first offense! 
:'''White Knight:''' How does this help us?
:'''Rex:''' Just like Holiday said, Patient Zero is the key. I get his nanites to send out a wake-up call, then Kieran.
:'''White Knight:''' And how are you gonna get to him under all that?
:'''Rex:''' I need that thing to eat me. Yeah, I know. The crazy thing is, it's the second time I've done this today. Do it! Aah.
:'''Computer:''' Suit integrity compromised. Nanite breach imminent. Suit integrity re-established.
:'''Rex:''' ''[From inside the EVO]'' What's going on out there? You have to keep it still.
:'''White Knight:''' Right. Next time, I'll let it kill me.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Okay. This shouldn't be hard. Ugh!
:''[Rex spits]''
:'''Rex:''' Ugh!
:''[Patient Zero gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' No! I'm not trying to hurt you.
:'''Computer:''' Suit integrity compromised. Nanite breach imminent.
:''[Rex strains]''
:'''Rex:''' Just calm down! Nobody's going to hurt you. You're safe. Time to wake them up.
:'''Computer:''' Suit integrity compromised. Nanite breach imminent. Suit integrity compromised. Nanite breach imminent.
:''[White Knight groans]''
:'''White Knight:''' Doctor, where's my update?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Still waiting on casualty reports. Of course, there would have been a lot more if it hadn't been for Rex.
:'''White Knight:''' It's his job, isn't it? What about the monkey?
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Still asleep.
:'''White Knight:''' Get on that. If this gives us a viral weapon against EVOs, we can put this week in the plus column.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You got him in time. Still 100% nanite-free. I'm surprised you saved him.
:'''Rex:''' In a weird way, White Knight and I are sort of alike. We're both one-of-a-kind. And that's worth something.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm proud of you, Rex-- Not just for this, but for figuring everything out.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, sure. You know, it was, uh, pretty obvious.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Now, if we could only figure out what went wrong with Bobo. I'm worried the virus may have triggered a permanent reaction.
:''[Bobo yawns]''
:'''Bobo:''' Boy, those guys in the motor pool sure know how to party. Whoa. How long was I out? And I'm starving! Who's up for breakfast? Good night, Bobo.

===Promises, Promises===
:''Note:'' This episode depicts how young Rex had joined Providence via Six's [[w:flashback episode|memories]].
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Six narrates over imagery of the Nanite Event.]''
:'''Six:'''	The names and faces may change, but no matter how you slice it, war is war. You pick a side and you don’t look back. I believe that now and I believed it then. What gets you in trouble is when you start second guessing. Forget what you’re fighting for and you’re finished.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' ''[Panicked screaming is heard in the background of an EVO attack]'' There’s another entity has emerged, this time in the heart of Paris. Authorities are vastly unprepared. Unless a decisive response to this pandemic is marshalled, the city will fall just as Kiev— ''[Diane Farrah gets snatched by the EVO’s web]''
:''[A Providence assault vehicle rams through police cars, from which Six appears and deals with the EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Save some for me partner! How else am I gonna earn my paycheck?
:''[Knight fires off a weapon and the scene cuts to present day at Providence Headquarters.]''
:'''Providence Agents:''' Surprise!
:'''Rex:'''	So, the flu shots?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I needed an excuse to get you here. We’ll do them after cake. I’ll get you Van Kleiss! ''[Holiday swings at a pinata blindfolded before Rex crushes it with his smack hands]''
:'''Rex:''' Sorry, Doc, it was taking too long. And it was either that or throw some of your cake at it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday walks over to Six at a corner, passing him a drink]'' You’re looking festive.
:'''Six:''' It was an odd choice to pick today to be his birthday.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It is the anniversary of his new life here. He deserves a celebration, he changed everything.
:'''Six:''' Has he?
:'''Rex:''' ''[Rex jumps onto a counter, speaking to the agents surrounding him]'' Ha-hah! How about hitting The Petting Zoo for a little pin-the-tail on the raging “Rhinocesaurus”?
:'''Dr. Holiday and Six:''' No.
:'''Rex:'''	Every party has a pooper. And I got two.
:'''Providence Agents:''' ''[Providence Agents turn off the lights and bring Rex a birthday cake]'' Happy Birthday!
:'''Rex:'''	Dudes!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You should be celebrating too, Six! After all, you’re the one who started this. In a way, it’s your birthday too.
:''[Flashback to Six and Knight walking through the Petting Zoo during construction of Providence HQ.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Nyquist. Fortier. How’s the monkey business?
:'''Nyquist:''' Ha ha-larious, Knight.
:'''Fortier:''' Hey, for your information we probably saved the world today.
:'''White Knight:''' I, for one, feel safer already.
:''[Knight states, looking at Bobo while Six walks towards his cage]''
:'''Bobo:''' So, green man. We meet again!
:'''Calan:''' They found him at the Kremlin this time. He was threatening to push the button unless someone brought him a thousand pounds of caviar.
:'''Bobo:''' Chimp’s gotta eat.
:'''Fortier:''' What about your little bug hunt? Give you much trouble?
:'''White Knight:''' Nothing we couldn’t handle.
:''[The EVO is transported in a cage overhead while Knight and Six walk through a hallway.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What? Not even a smile? Oh by the way, happy birthday. ''[Knight passes Six a gift]''
:'''Six:''' How did you know?
:'''White Knight:''' I’m your partner. Can’t keep much from me.
:'''Six:''' Thanks.
:'''White Knight:''' So what crawled up your coat?
:'''Six:''' I’m getting tired of all this fighting. Did you see how many there are now? Are we gonna cage the whole world?
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight turns around, placing a hand on Six's shoulder]'' We’re preserving the human race. ''[The door to the processing facility opens]'' Besides, who says we’re gonna cage them all?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Looking at the EVO]'' And to think, this was once spinning webs in someone’s garden. Doctor Holiday, prepare for disassembly. ''[Doctor Holiday nods and activates the procedure as per his instructions. Doctor Fell sports a wicked smile during the experiment before it disintegrates the EVO without a trace]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It’s the same exact data as last time, and the time before that; Doctor Fell, why aren’t we studying them in a natural setting?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Only through molecular dissection will we find a way to expunge this threat. The committee agrees with me on this. If you do not approve, I can always find another assistant.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Doctor Holiday leaves the facility in frustration with Doctor Fell]'' Bleeding hearts. They’ll get us all killed one day.
:''[Holiday walks down a hallway and drops several notes, one of which Six picks up.]''
:'''Six:''' EVO?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Exponentially Variegated Organism; a little more scientific than spoiled meat. That is what you hired guns call them isn’t it?
:'''Six:''' It's Six, and I don't use guns. You told Fell we could learn more by bringing them in alive. What did you mean?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites are altering our DNA, but with the right type of research, there's no doubt they could be programmed to stop or reverse the process. Imagine a third option to this, kill-or-Contain protocol.
:'''Six:''' A third option?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' A cure.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight and several other Providence agents run past Holiday after an alarm activates]'' Buckle up partner! Looks like we got ourselves a big one.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hopeless.
:''[Providence mercenaries arrive at Mexico to confront the giant mechanical EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What are we looking at?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Fascinating. It appears to be bio-mechanical. I must have a closer look at this one.
:'''White Knight:''' One for the trophy case.
:'''Six:''' Wait. We may get more out of this one if we bring it in alive!
:'''White Knight:''' Are you nuts?
:'''Fortier:''' Looks like your boy is losing his edge, Knight!
:'''White Knight:''' Not a cage in the world that can hold this thing. Six? ''[Six charges at the EVO, making his way up the limbs before stabbing it in the shoulder]'' That’s more like it!
:'''Six:''' ''[After his attack, Six gets grabbed by the EVO’s hand]'' White, get back! This thing is going to blow! ''[Six is launched and emerges from the rubble before the EVO self-destructs]'' Knight? Knight!
:'''Rex:''' ¡Auxílio! ''[Six runs to a child buried underneath the same pile of rubble]'' ¿Has visto mi bicicleta?
:''[Commercial break]''
:''[Six and Rex stay close to the walls of buildings in the quiet city.]''
:'''Rex:''' Is that sword for real? Are you a ninja? I was speaking Spanish. Is this Mexico? Why are we sneaking around-- ''[Six covers Rex’s mouth at the sound of an Evo from a distance]'' Ugh, dude, your hand smells like monkey breath.
:''[Rex pulls Six's hand off his face.]''
:'''Rex:''' Why don’t you just call HQ or NORAD or 9-1-1?
:'''Six:''' When the creature blew, it released some sort of EM pulse. Fried everything electronic: this area is a dead-zone. We’re on our own.
:'''Rex:''' So much for ordering a pizza. ''[Six stares at Rex in silence]'' I’m joking cause if I don’t, I’m gonna remember how scared I am right now-- ''[Rex looks away and then back at Six while trying to recollect his memories]'' Actually except for my name, that’s about all I do remember.
:'''Six:''' No family? An address? A grandma where I can dump you?
:''[Rex shakes his head to all of Six’s questions]''
:'''Rex:''' Nothing. Except waking up and seeing your face. Not exactly the angel I was hoping for.
:'''Six:''' You’re in shock. We should find a place to hole you up until I can get some help.
:'''Rex:''' No way, I’m not hiding! Why, you wanna get rid of me?
:'''Six:''' I screwed up, and it may very well have caused my friend his life. The last thing I need is you slowing me down.
:''[Six carries Rex through the remains of a building before stumbling across a massive crater.]''
:'''Six:''' No--
:'''Rex:''' ''[Rex walks away from Six's hold to get closer to the crater]'' What’s going on? What did this?
:'''Six:''' Don’t worry, we evacuated this zone. We’ll get you home, I promise. Right now we gotta move.
:'''Rex:''' What’s making those sounds?
:'''Six:''' ''[While navigating through the area, an EVO crawls out a ditch and roars at the pair]'' New plan! Run! ''[Six draws his blade as the EVO charges at him, lunges in the air, and spits acid which causes him to double over in pain. Rex nearly escapes after climbing over rubble, but stops when he sees the monster towering over Six]''
:'''Rex:''' Agh! Leave him alone! ''[Rex charges at the EVO to protect Six, accidentally curing the man after striking his palm at him]'' Ugh, great! I probably got rabies! ''[Six looks at Rex in shock]'' What?
:''[Later, at the Petting Zoo.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Glad to see you alive, partner.
:'''Six:''' Happy to accommodate.
:'''White Knight:''' Better stand clear of Fell. He’s furious we didn’t bring back a sample of that monster.
:'''Rex:''' ''[The sound of a cage opening turns the men’s attention to Rex, who was tricked into freeing a desperate-looking Bobo]'' Uh, no, I don’t know where they keep the jet planes.
:'''Six:''' ''[Bobo runs away but is immediately caught and thrown back into the cage by Six]'' Why did you let him out?
:'''Rex:''' He asked me to. I don’t know if you guys are aware of this, but that monkey talks!
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight takes hold of Rex’s shirt and pins him against a cage]'' Who are you? What are you doing in here?
:'''Six:''' ''[Six pulls Rex away and positions himself between Knight and Rex]'' He’s with me, I found him out in the field. There’s something I wanted to show-- ''[The lights and sounds of an experiment draws Six’s attention]'' Doctor Holiday.
:''[Six and Rex begin walking to Doctor Holiday’s laboratory where Rex gets a checkup from the Doctor.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ouch! Ah! Let me see your medical license.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, we have nurses who could’ve easily handled this. ''[Six opens a cage containing an EVO and secures it in a hold while bringing it closer to Rex]'' What are you doing? That EVO is scheduled for processing!
:'''Six:''' Show her. ''[On Six's command, Rex cures the EVO]'' We found it Doctor. The third alternative.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What is he...? How--
:'''Six:''' Meet Rex. The cure.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Rex waves at Holiday before she runs to Six and embraces him with a hug]'' This changes everything!
:''[Rex is put to bed and Six waits for Doctor Holiday outside the quarters.]''
:'''Six:''' Finally asleep?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Amazing what fifteen burritos will do. I can’t wait to see Fell’s face when we show him.
:'''Six:''' No. Not a word to anyone. Tomorrow we move him to a safe location.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But I need to get to work on him straight away.
:'''Six:''' Trust me, not everyone will feel the same way about working with an EVO. If we time this wrong, it could turn ugly.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I hate this war.
:''[Doctor Holiday walks away while Knight stands around the corner, having overheard the entire conversation.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Hey, partner. How’s Tricks?
:'''Six:''' What are you doing in the medical ward? I thought you hated germs.
:'''White Knight:''' Made an exception today. Something I should know?
:'''Six:''' Just another day at the office. ''[Knight holds on to Six’s arm before he can move any further away]''
:'''White Knight:''' You can trust me.
:'''Six:''' I know.
:''[Six walks away while Knight looks suspiciously at Rex’s door. Later in his own room, Six practices his swordsmanship and inspects Knight’s gift before contacting Holiday about a power surge.]''
:'''Six:''' Holiday. Is Fell running protocols at night now? Holiday?
:''[White Knight is present alongside Dr. Fell at a processing facility where an experiment is conducted]'' Prepare for disassembly.
:'''Six:''' ''[Before any further action can be taken, Six enters the facility]'' What are you doing?
:'''White Knight:''' I’m not going to allow my partner to risk his career for one bad call. Did you think I couldn’t get Holiday to talk?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Six walks towards the table where a drowsy Rex is suspended before having Fell block his path]'' You're letting your emotions cloud your judgement, Six. With what we gleam from this boy, I could create tools that would inoculate the world.
:'''Six:''' Why risk it? He can already cure them! I've seen it!
:'''White Knight:''' So, what, we train him? Make him one of us? ''[Doctor Fell tries to dissect Rex with a scalpel before the tool is destroyed by a strand of his nanites]'' I thought he was sedated!
:'''Dr. Fell:''' He is. It’s his nanites, they’re protecting him! ''[A single, premature version of his Smack Hands is created and tosses Fell to the ground. Various forms of Rex’s signature builds materialize and disappear to Rex’s discomfort]''
:'''White Knight:''' One of us, huh?
:''[Knight activates a warning siren while Rex inadvertently draws electricity from his surroundings]''
:''[Commercial break]''
:'''Rex:''' Okay, this is definitely not normal.
:'''White Knight:''' Enough of this! ''[Knight fires a bullet at Rex which is sliced in half by Six’s katana]'' Have you lost it? He’s one of them! If he powers up he’ll destroy us all!
:''[Knight fires another bullet at Rex]''
:'''Six:''' No!
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Six deflects the second bullet, this time aiming the projectile near Knight’s head]'' So. That’s it, huh?
:''[Knight proceeds to rain bullets on Six who deflects all of the shots while charging towards him. Meanwhile, Holiday is held captive inside one of the cages at The Petting Zoo.]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You cannot treat me like this! I have 3 PhDs! Let me out this instant! ''[She slumps inside of the cage next to Bobo, who swipes a pen which he proceeds to lockpick with]''
:'''Bobo:''' Y’know, maybe we can scratch each other's backs.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Excuse me?
:''[Bobo unlocks the gate, with Holiday seizing the opportunity and hurrying to reach Rex]''
:'''Bobo:''' Right between the shoulder blades. And watch the nails. ''[Holiday looks down at Bobo before proceeding to run back to Fell’s facility]'' You thought I was kidding about the back scratch? I got monkey dander!
:''[Back at the processing facility, Rex reels in pain while Knight continues to fire at his partner.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Stand down, Six! ''[Knight stops firing at Six]'' We need you in this war!
:'''Six:''' What’s the good in winning a war if we can’t live with ourselves after?
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight tears the strap off his gun and uses it as an improvised baton while continuing to make combat with Six. The two exchange blows until Knight gains the upper hand and wails on him until they both stand before Rex]'' We're supposed to be friends! He's a monster! What do you see in him?!
:''[Knight pulls up Six’s head towards Rex who is seizing in pain]''
:'''Six:''' Hope.
:''[Six draws blood with a strike and continues to fight Knight until he is tranquilized by Doctor Fell]''
:'''White Knight:''' Thanks for talking some sense into him, doc.
:''[Knight picks up Six’s katana and walks toward Rex]''
:'''Rex:''' What-- What’s happening to me?
:''[Rex pleas to Knight, who simply looks down at him before warning sirens go off and the facility begins to lockdown]''
:'''Dr. Fell:''' We’re all going to burn.
:''[Fell escapes while Rex is craned away by Holiday on an upper level]''
:'''White Knight:''' No! ''[Knight looks back at Six who is slowly picking himself up while the remaining exits close off. In a last ditch effort, Knight carries Six and throws him through the final set of doors before they seal shut]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Six picks himself and slams his fist against the glass]'' Why?
:'''White Knight:''' I know what side I’m on. ''[Knight proudly states before getting consumed by a blinding white light and screaming in agony]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Grabbing a hold of Dr. Fell's collar Six shouts]'' Do something!
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Once the cycle starts it's impossible to shut down.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Contrary to Dr. Fell's statement, the light fades away and the electricity is subdued after Rex interfaces with a control panel]'' Impossible? Psh, right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you—-?
:'''Rex:''' Told it to turn off. And it did! Wait, where...where am I?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Doctor Holiday. Maybe you were right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:'''	Maybe you should start looking for another job.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[Within the processing chamber, Knight takes a few steps forward before collapsing]'' Hey marshmallow! Nice look! ''[Knight looks back up at Bobo with his signature bleached appearance]''
:''[Some time later, in his office White Knight speaks to Six through a monitor.]''
:'''White Knight:''' How’s the training?
:'''Six:'''	Slow.
:'''White Knight:''' Not all you hoped he’d be? ''[Rex and Bobo topple each other in a play fight while Knight continues to monologue in his office]'' Still, who would’ve thought the kinder, gentler approach would do such wonders for our profile. The notion of a cure has gotten Providence funding, and worldwide prestige. The committee's happy. Your new partner may just be the best thing this operation could have asked for. Funny, isn’t it? Because of you I can never leave this chamber. I’m now the only pure human left in the world. And the perfect poster boy to run this operation. I suppose I should thank you.
:'''Six:''' I promised him that we would help uncover his past; find his family.
:'''White Knight:''' Whatever keeps him on his leash. But if he shows the slightest sign of turning into thing again, it's all on you.
:''[Back at the party in the present, Noah is pinned down by Bobo with a bag on his head to Rex’s amusement.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh my—hold him down, I’ll get the camera!
:''[Rex runs to his room, and after a quick search he instead finds a long box on a corner shelf]''
:'''Six:''' Happy birthday.
:''[Six walks into his room, officially greeting Rex]''
:'''Rex:'''	From you? For me? You gotta be kidding.
:'''Six:''' You, your work. It has made a real difference. I just—-
:'''Rex:'''	Yeah, I know I’m pretty great! But seriously get off the sap train, Six. It’s creeping me out. ''[Rex opens the gift to reveal the blade inside]'' Wow, Six! Thank you!
:'''Six:'''	It’s called a tanto. It’s the ceremonial blade of a samurai warrior.
:'''Rex:'''	Samurai? Awesome.
:'''Six:'''	''[Six unsheathes his own tanto and holds it against Rex’s]'' This is its twin.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Rex removes the cap from his tanto and squints at the symbol etched into the blade]'' Is that... writing?
:'''Six:'''	Bushido symbol of loyalty. It means whether for good or ill, our fates will follow the same path. This one stays with me.
:'''Rex:'''	Think this thing can cut through Holiday’s chocolate cake?
:'''Six:'''	''[Six raises an eyebrow]'' Anything’s possible.
:''[Rex puts the cap back on to the blade and camera cuts to outside of Providence headquarters, panning outward until screen fades to black.]''

===Badlands===
:'''Rex:''' We're facing heavy resistance here! There are too many of them!
:''[Rex imitates gunfire]''
:'''Six:''' Keep this channel clear.
:'''Rex:''' Six, do you really expect us to get to back to Providence by one thousand eight hundred hours in this slowpoke convoy? Just get the cargo, will you? We'd be there by now.
:'''Six:''' Except we're transporting unstable nanites, which have to be kept at or below sea level. Even one wrong bump and the whole thing could go off.
:'''Rex:''' And if it blows, you're in a battle transport. Meanwhile, we're stuck in this delivery truck, carrying whatever. What are we carrying anyway?
:'''Bobo:''' Toilet paper.
:'''Six:''' One, everyone in this mission has a part to play.
:'''Rex:''' Seriously?! Toilet paper?!
:'''Six:''' And, two, we're under strict radio silence. Six out.
:'''Rex:''' Radio silence, convoy security protocols, scheduled bathroom breaks, and they won't even let me drive. So many rules all for what-- Some nanites?
:'''Noah:''' Unstable nanites-- The most dangerous nanites on Earth.
:'''Rex:''' Well, at least there's not an anti-tunes order!
:'''Noah:''' That radio's ancient. You'll be lucky if you can get it to play static. 
:'''Rex:''' Oh, I think I can manage to crank some bass out of it.
:'''Noah:''' Not bad!
:'''Rex:''' What?!
:'''Noah:''' I said, &quot;Not bad!&quot;
:''[Bobo gasps]''
:''[Rex, Noah and Bobo coughing]''
:'''Noah:''' Bobo, slow down! We can't see anything!
:''[Bobo sputters]''
:'''Bobo:''' I got one good eye that's closed half the time, and now you're worried?!
:''[Rex, Noah and Bobo coughing]''
:'''Noah:''' And we lost the convoy.
:'''Bobo:''' Relax, blondie. We'll catch up. That's why they invented speeding.
:'''Gatlocke:''' ''[British accent]'' Good-- They're right on time. What do you think of the spyglass? Am I taking this pirate thing too far? I haven't become cliché, have I?
:'''Gang Punk:''' No, Gatlocke. It fits you.
:'''Gatlocke:''' Oh, good! Because if you'd said, &quot;yes&quot;, I would have thrown you off the cliff.
:''[Gatlocke chuckles evilly]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' No, seriously, I would have. Ladies and gentlemen, the convoy is directly beneath us! Wait. Do we have any ladies in my gang? No ladies? We need to get with the times! Let's see about getting some ladies in the gang. Gentlemen, grab your weapons, charge up the scramblers, and attack!
:'''Providence Agent:''' They're jamming all channels. We're cut off, sir.
:'''Gatlocke:''' Ready the ion-cannon thingumabobs!
:'''Six:''' Fall back! Cover the cargo carriers!
:'''Rex:''' You know what this means, don't you?
:'''Noah:''' We're lost?
:'''Rex:''' No. It means no one is around to tell me I can't drive. Hand over the wheel, Bobo.
:'''Bobo:''' You can't drive!
:'''Noah:''' Radio's broken, so we can't even call for help.
:'''Rex:''' We don't need help. We're not lost. Men don't get lost. We go exploring. And why should you care if I drive? Unless you made some kind of deal with Six.
:'''Bobo:''' You'll have to ask my bank account.
:'''Six:''' Defend the cargo! Don't let them get to the trailers!
:''[Gatlocke humming]''
:''[Gatlocke humming continues]''
:''[Gatlocke grunts]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' As of this moment, the unstable nanites have officially been jacked.
:''[Gatlocke laughs evilly]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' ''[to Six]'' Give me a reason. Give me one good reason.
:''[Gatlocke laughs evilly]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' I'm only kidding! Like I need a reason.
:''[Shoots at Six]''
:'''Six:''' We'll regroup outside the canyon! Get us out of here now!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Sir, they got the cargo.
:'''Six:''' I'm aware the situation. Rex wasn't with the convoy when we we're attacked.
:'''Six:''' Fix the radio and find him. Off all the days to disobey orders.
:'''Rex:''' Pit stop successful!
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:''[Noah grunts]''
:'''Noah:''' This soda is expired.
:'''Rex:''' I know! They were practically giving it away!
:''[Bobo spits]''
:'''Bobo:''' Agh! This tastes like feet-- And not the clean kind!
:'''Rex:''' Fine-- More for me, then!
:'''Noah:''' By now, they must've noticed that you're gone.
:'''Rex:''' No one's going to miss a delivery truck. Hurry up!
:'''Noah:''' Go faster!
:'''Rex:''' Ladies, how's it going today? Yeah, we roll in a big truck. Other guys may flake on you, but me and Noah-- We deliever.
:''[girls laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' Bobo!
:''[Rex, Noah and Bobo shout]''
:'''Rex:''' I think we actually had a chance back there.
:'''Gatlocke:''' Gentlemen, congratulations on a job well done. Your commitment to... Oh, forget it. Open the truck!
:'''Beasly:''' Communications are still down, sir. We can send a cycle for help.
:'''Six:''' No. I want everything available searching the area.
:'''Beasly:''' For the attackers?
:'''Six:''' For Rex. He's not transporting what he thinks he is. Given the circumstances, he should probably know. Let's just hope he didn't get himself lost.
:'''Bobo:''' Okay... I think we might be lost.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa, whoa. Noah gets the wheel? What about me?
:'''Bobo:''' Think about it, soda jerk. My mouth still tastes like week-old socks. Plus, goldilocks has a license, and you don't. But mostly the soda thing.
:'''Noah:''' I think I know where we are.
:'''Rex:''' Don't sweat it. Who's gonna miss a truck full of toilet paper?
:'''Bobo:''' Hey, I've been there-- Ain't pretty.
:'''Gatlocke:''' ''[referring to toilet paper]'' Feel that? It's quilted. This is the good kind. But I won't be able to really enjoy it until I have those nanites!
:'''Gang Punk:''' Gatlocke, I found something.
:'''Gatlocke:''' Something is good.
:'''Gang Punk:''' Our scout took this image when the convoy left the proving grounds.
:'''Gatlocke:''' I like how he framed this shot. See the rock formations in the foreground here?
:'''Gang Punk:''' But this is from the canyon. Where'd the white delivery truck go?
:'''Gatlocke:''' Why are you asking me? I don't know where it went! Fan out! Dig around the desert! Find me that truck! And an Iced Tea!
:'''Rex:''' Noah, you've got to listen to me. Let... me... drive... the... truck!
:'''Noah:''' I don't know.
:'''Bobo:''' The answer is still no!
:'''Noah:''' All right, we're back! This is the right road.
:'''Rex:''' How can you tell? All the roads look the same out here.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Gang Punk:''' Gatlocke, you're not gonna believe what I found.
:'''Noah:''' This canyon-- It'd be the perfect place to spring an ambush.
:'''Rex:''' The nanite transport is gone. Six, can your hear me? Six? Providence, come in.
:'''Six:''' Go ahead.
:'''Rex:''' Connect me to White. Now would be good.
:'''Noah:''' We're sitting ducks here.
:'''Bobo:''' Quack, quack.
:'''Rex:''' Um, I'll call you back.
:'''Gatlocke:''' Allow me to introduce myself! I'm Gatlocke-- Anarchist, struggling businessman, scoundrel. Okay, that's a lie. I'm not 'struggling'. But, lemme ask you! Do you like rules?
:'''Rex:''' Can't say I do.
:'''Gatlocke:''' Me neither. I hate them. It's why me and my men live by the anarchist code. For us, there are no rules.
:'''Gang Punk:''' Excepts no cursing.
:'''Gatlocke:''' ''[hits the Gang Punk]'' True! We're anarchists, not animals. You know what I'm talking about. I feel like we have a connection. We're practically friends! So, if you could do me a favor, it would help me out a lot.
:'''Rex:''' What kind of favor?
:'''Gatlocke:''' I need you to hand over the truck. I mean, I really need you to hand it over-- Now!
:'''Rex:''' This truck? It's not all that great. The radio doesn't work. It handles like a box on wheels. At least, I imagine it does, 'cause someone won't let me drive.
:'''Gatlocke:''' ''[pulls out a knife]'' Please don't play dumb with me.
:'''Rex:''' Dumb? Oh, see, dumb is pulling a blade on me!
:''[Rex pulls out his Smack Hands]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, I like this kid.
:''[Rex growls]''
:'''Rex:''' Get back to the truck!
:''[Rex and his friends run away]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' I have a bad case of EVO envy.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Noah:''' You're risking our lives to save a stupid truck?
:'''Rex:''' It's the principle!
:''[Rex, Noah and Bobo screams]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! They really want that toilet paper!
:'''Bobo:''' They didn't exactly look like poster boys for good hygiene!
:'''Noah:''' Are you sure that's even what we're carrying? I mean, did anyone actually bother to check?
:'''Bobo:''' Don't bother me with the details.
:'''Noah:''' That's definitely not T.P.
:'''Rex:''' We were carrying unstable nanites the whole time.
:'''Bobo:''' We should be fine as long as none of the warning lights are on.
:'''Noah:''' You mean all the red, blinky ones?
:'''Bobo:''' Aw, boy.
:'''Rex:''' Giving us the nanites? What was Six thinking?
:'''Bobo:''' He was thinking that if the convoy was to get attacked, we're better to have the cargo than with you?
:'''Rex:''' Could've at least told us we were carrying something that could blow up.
:'''Noah:''' Whoa!
:'''Rex:''' Glad I'm not driving.
:'''Six:''' We have ten more minutes till Providence starts missing us. When we don't check in, they'll send jets, and coming in blind, there's a good chance we'll get shot down like ours did.
:'''Beasly:''' We're working as fast as we can, sir. Whatever they use completely fried the relays.
:'''Six:''' Then we'll need another option.
:'''Beasly:''' Well, there is one possibility, but it's a little old-fashioned.
:'''Rex:''' Let me take the nanites and zoom out of here.
:'''Noah:''' Didn't you hear Six? They can't go above sea level. One long bump will make them go off.
:'''Bobo:''' Kid's right. They're safer in the isolator back there.
:'''Rex:''' All right, fine. Then we'll just deal with the roadhogs ourselves.
:'''Noah:''' So... Any idea on that?
:'''Bobo:''' I vote &quot;Try not to die.&quot;
:''[Gatlocke laughs evilly]''
:'''Rex:''' Look on the bright side-- The unstable nanites didn't go off.
:'''Gatlocke:''' That's what I love-- An optimist! ''[Hugs Rex]'' I love this kid!
:'''Rex:''' You're insane. Do you realize that?
:'''Gatlocke:''' Me, Gatlocke, insane? Frankly, I don't see it. Just let me have 'em. I'll split the money with you down the middle, 50/40?
:'''Rex:''' Wow, after all that, you're nothing but a common thief.
:'''Gatlocke:''' &quot;Common&quot;? &quot;Common&quot;?! Tear open the truck!
:'''Gang Punk:''' It's no here. Ugh!
:'''Noah:''' That was some escape plan.
:'''Rex:''' It was one of my plans. I have a couple different angles I'm working.
:'''Noah:''' What's your &quot;angle&quot; now?
:'''Rex:''' I've got the unstable nanites right here!
:'''Bobo:''' Ah, this is an improvement.
:'''Rex:''' ''[holding up a can]'' Back off, or I'll send us all to kingdom come!
:'''Gatlocke:''' You wouldn't dare.
:'''Rex:''' Or would I? You say we're a lot alike.
:'''Gatlocke:''' You would.
:'''Rex:''' Unh!
:''[Gatlocke and Gang Punks screams]''
:'''Rex:''' Aw. Quit while you're behind, Gatlocke.
:''[Gatlocke growls]''
:''[Gatlocke growls]''
:'''Rex:''' We're clear. Now, aren't you glad about the soda? Bobo, take the nanites. I'll keep them off your tail.
:'''Gatlocke:''' You should've taken the deal.
:'''Rex:''' You couldn't afford me.
:'''Gatlocke:''' You know what your problem is? You're a terrible businessman.
:''[Gatlocke growls]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, I like that.
:''[Gatlocke grunts]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' Hey! Dude.
:'''Noah:''' I'll radio. Hello? Can anyone hear me? We need a little help here! Anyone?
:'''Bobo:''' ''[taking the communicator from Noah]'' Gimme that! Breaker 1-9, good neighbor. This is Bobo Haha, droppin' the hammer in a superskate. We got bumper stickers on our donkey. Repeat-- Bumper sticker on our donkey! Come on back.
:'''Noah:''' Oh, like that helps. Is that even English?
:''[Gatlocke grunting]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' Don't suppose I could convince you to join me! You could live the life-- No one telling you what to do.
:'''Rex:''' Can you just shut up for longer than a second?
:'''Gatlocke:''' How long was that?
:''[Gatlocke laughs]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' You can pretend to be better, but in the end, you're just like me!
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! There's one big difference between you and me!
:'''Gatlocke:''' And that is?
:'''Rex:''' You can't fly.
:''[The truck goes over a cliff]''
:'''Gang Punk:''' Hmm? Aah!
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Six:''' We intercepted your transmission on the citizens' band.
:'''Bobo:''' See, I told ya.
:'''Six:''' Where are the nanites?
:'''Noah:''' We thought for sure it was gonna go off.
:'''Six:''' It went off.
:'''Rex:''' But you said one wrong bump and it would blow up.
:'''Six:''' I said one wrong bump and it would &quot;go off,&quot; as in &quot;deactivate.&quot; They call them &quot;unstable&quot; for a reason. If it was going to blow up, I would've said so. At least you kept it from falling into the wrong hands.
:'''Gatlocke:''' &quot;The wrong hands,&quot; he says. I'm in a terrible rush. The nanites, pretty please.
:'''Rex:''' All yours. They're worthless.
:''[Gatlocke growls]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' Let's call it a tie. We can finish our conversation later.
:'''Six:''' White Knight will want you back at headquarters for debriefing.
:'''Rex:''' Aren't you going to give us a lift?
:'''Six:''' Drive yourself.
:'''Noah:''' I hate it when Six tries to be funny.
:'''Bobo:''' The monkey should be driving.
:'''Rex:''' You know, now that I'm doing the driving, this truck ain't so bad.
:'''Noah:''' Which way?
:'''Bobo:''' They went that way, back to headquarters.
:'''Noah:''' You're gonna get us lost.
:'''Rex:''' Men don't get lost. We go... Exploring.

===Out of the Dark===
:''Note'': Rex's love interest and sweetheart Circe appears in a vision.

===Payback===
:''[In the realm of Abysus]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Humiliated... De-powered... All but destroyed. Hardly the new world I set out to build, is it?
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, a spy has made contact.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Well?
:'''Providence Spy:''' Everything is in place.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' And the boy?
:'''Providence Spy:''' He's here.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[to his loyal followers]'' Soon our greatest enemy will be buried! Providence itself will be destroyed. And we'll have Rex to thank.
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Who's gonna know?
:'''Noah:''' Yeah. It would only be for a minute or two.
:'''Calan:''' You actually want me to let you fly the keep?
:''[Calan sighs]''
:'''Calan:''' Only until the next course change. And nothing fancy.
:'''Rex:''' All right, let's see what this baby can really do! Why, it wasn't me! Seriously!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Providence Spies:''' Aah!
:'''White Knight:''' Calan, what's your status?
:'''Calan:''' Came from out of nowhere. We're being boarded. Scramble all jump jets. Mobilize for a counter-offensive.
:'''White Knight:''' This is a coordinated attack. Every major Providence outpost around the globe has been hit.
:'''Six:''' So far they've steered clear of headquarters. I'm on route to the keep now.
:'''Rex:''' Are they really that stupid? Attacking the keep with me on board? This should only take a minute.
:'''Noah:''' Wait up!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find Rex. It goes without saying &quot;alive&quot; would be ideal. Take the ship.
:'''Providence Spy:''' Some kind of power surge. We're losing control of the helm!
:'''Calan:''' Find out where it's coming from. Doc, if you'll excuse me--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six?
:'''Six:''' Five minutes out. Prepare for an evac. I'm getting you off the ship.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Again with the Smack Hands? You always open with that move. Change it up a little!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Bobo:''' You see what you get? That's what happens when you interrupt my nap-- Bobo gets cranky!
:'''Rex:''' I learned that the hard way, too.
:'''Calan:''' All hands-- We've got intruders on deck four, five, and six. Get'em off our ship!
:'''Rex:''' Go!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Attention, Providence. The ship is ours.
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! Not even close, Van Kleiss!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Lay down your weapons, and your lives will be spared. Continue to resist and nothing survives.
:'''Rex:''' You've made I made some lame-o moves before, Van Kleiss, but this one-- classic.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Seems you may have run out of tricks. Oh, you had to know it would only be a matter of time. I've had a fair amount of time on my hands these days. ''[Restrains Rex with his gauntlet]''
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Van Kleiss:'''  You took something very precious from me, Rex, and now I'll be returning the favor.
:'''Rex:''' If you want my monkey, you can forget it. 
:''[Van Kleiss starts draining nanites from Rex, causing him to squirm and scream in pain.]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It might come as a surprise that when you stole the nanites that gave my power, you left some of your behind-- Enough to tell me a few of what makes you tick.
:''[Rex tries to summon a build, but nothing happens.]''
:'''Rex:''' Ungh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You'll find that using your powers will be something of a challenge. The nanites that you so special belong to me now.
:'''Biowulf:''' What shall I do with him, master?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I have everything I need from him. I could care less. Secure the rest of the ship.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Do you really think throwing me out that hatch is the best way to get rid of me? Wouldn't it be more fun to throw me in a cage, tie me down in front of a laser?
:'''Biowulf:''' No!
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaaaaah! Wh-o-o-o-o-oa!
:'''Noah:''' What is he doing?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This is no time to fool around, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Happened to notice that ground coming up on his, doc? If you don't do something fast, I'm about to become part of it! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, are you okay?
:'''Rex:''' I think we may have a problem.
:'''White Knight:''' What do you mean &quot;they have the keep&quot;?! Blow it up!
:'''Six:''' We tried. The remote-destruct sequence has been disabled. Van Kleiss has complete control of it.
:'''White Knight:''' Give me some good news.
:'''Six:''' We know where it's heading. Here.
:'''Biowulf:''' This is the commanding officer. We found him attempting to destroy this ship.
:'''Calan:''' What's your game, Van Kleiss?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, a very good question-- One that depends entirely on what happens next, Captain. It seems my powers have made a slight... change.
:'''Rex:''' Well? They're gone, aren't they? Van Kleiss took all my active nanites.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. I found this. Definitely a nanite, but it's unlike anything I've ever seen. Molecular scans seems to indicate it's some kind of control-nanite.
:'''Rex:''' But with nothing to control.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' With a large enough concentration of nanites, we might be able to jump-start it. But even with that, there's no guarantee it would replicate or even give you back the same abilities.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I hate to say it, but this one has me stumped.
:'''Rex:''' Great. Loving this.
:'''White Knight:''' If you're finished with the lost cause, we've got a bigger problem.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, how is this possible?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It would seem Rex's nanites have an opposite effect on me. He cured EVOs. Now I create them. Full ahead-- Ramming speed! Once we're through, we'll destroy Providence from the inside out.
:'''White Knight:''' Lock it down! I want hallways cleared and critical sections defended. They will not take this base.
:'''Rex:''' Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go stop them!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, you're in no condition to fight.
:'''Rex:''' Well, what do you expect me to do-- Hide?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Whatever it takes. That nanite inside you might be able to bring you back, but it's going to take me time to figure out how. And that's not something we have a lot of right now.
:'''Rex:''' Wow. Nice outfit.
:'''Noah:''' Got one for you, too. You get to armor up like the rest of us normals.
:'''Rex:''' Come on.
:'''Bobo:''' All right, where to?
:'''Rex:''' South Pacific.
:'''Bobo:''' That's my boy. And here I thought you'd try to pull some hero stunt. Oh, brother.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I want the White Knight. Find where he's hiding and bring him to me.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That should be everything, as long as the offsite backup holds.
:'''Six:''' Don't let it get to that.
:'''Noah:''' This is a strange place for a base.
:'''Rex:''' When I have too many nanites in me, this is where I go to offload.
:'''Bobo:''' Think of it as a nanite porta-potty.
:'''Noah:''' Thanks... For that image, Bobo. So, we just put some of these nanites in you, and we're good to go?
:'''Rex:''' No. They're inactive. Or at least stripped of their programming. Since I can't control them, I just have to hope that whatever this thing is inside me can't.
:'''Noah:''' So... What happens if it can't?
:'''Bobo:''' Let me put it this way-- The last guy who went swimmin' in that soup ended up a 50-foot freak show.
:'''White Knight:''' Listen to me carrefully, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'd rather not.
:'''White Knight:''' Where are they?
:'''Six:''' The inner perimeter has been compromised. They're coming.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Open it.
:'''Rex:''' Okay. Bobo, set the thing to &quot;vent&quot; and go. If this doesn't work, I don't want you getting caught in the blast.
:'''Bobo:''' No.
:'''Noah:''' Forget it. Rex, at least think about his for a sec. What if it wipes your memory? What it turns you into some evil monster?
:'''Rex:''' My friends need me. There's nothing more to think about. Bobo, do it.
:'''Bobo:''' Long odds, pay big.
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Six:''' You've overstayed your welcome.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, here's someone who would make a nice addition to our EVO ranks.
:'''Six:''' Go ahead and try. Ugh!
:''[Six groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Trying to do my job for me, Six? Here's a thought-- When your top henchman can't even get rid of someone by throwing him out of a moving plane, time to rethink the help.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You are determined-- I'll give you that. If it's what you prefer, I'll finish you myself.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Cool!
:'''Bobo:''' See? I told you it would work.
:'''Six:''' This is an unexpected surprise.
:'''Rex:''' Well, by now, you should expect the unexpected from me, Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Is that what I think it is?
:'''Bobo:''' Not anymore.
:'''Noah:''' You think there might be more of them?
:'''Bobo:''' Eh... Probably.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf growls]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Aaaaaaah!
:'''White Knight:''' I use that electromagnet to trap stray nanites. You're lucky it's on the lowest setting. Any higher, and it would rip the nanites right out of your body.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Then why don't you?
:'''White Knight:''' Because then I wouldn't be able to do this.
:'''Skalamander:''' No one can help you. You're all alone now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. We still have my sister.
:''[Skalamander grunting]''
:''[Rex and Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Rex:''' No way!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:'''Rex:''' Once again, epic fail. I'll take my nanites back now.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Noah:''' Rex, wait!
:'''Bobo:''' Van Kleiss left behind a few presents.
:'''Rex:''' No time to look everywhere. I'm shutting everything down.
:'''Noah:''' You can do that?
:'''Rex:''' Don't know. Never tried. Anything else? No?
:'''Calan:''' Whew! I never want to do that again. No, sir.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Amazing.
:'''Rex:''' Why, thank you.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I was talking about the nanites. That was a risky move, Rex, but it worked. As far as I can tell, you're back to your old self.
:'''Rex:''' I don't know. Something feels different. That new build-- I think I can do even more. It's like I can see the blueprints. I just need to figure out how to put it all together.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight in person. Never thought I'd see the day.
:'''White Knight:''' Well, don't get used to it. We found all the explosives. The base and the keep will need extensive repairs. This was not our finest hour.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? We kicked butt! So what if Van Kleiss is back and more powerful than ever? So am I! If he wants a nanite war, let him bring it!
:''[White Knight laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' It's good to have your back, Rex.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You know, I think he actually means it.
:'''Rex:''' Sure he does. So, tell me something, guys-- What's next?

==Season Two (2011)==
===Rampage===
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you the recap. Thanks to these microscopic machines called nanites, I can build cool gear out of my body. I'm what's called an EVO. But most EVOs aren't lucky like me. They usually look like this. ''[Chuckling]'' I know what you're thinking. And they smell bad, too. There's one other thing I can do that makes me even more special. Some EVOs, I can cure. That's why I work for Providence. We're the people you call when an evo is tearing up your lawn or attacking a city. And the worst of them is this guy-- Van Kleiss. The last time we fought, things got a little out of hand. I'll admit it-- We pretty much got our tails handed to us. He steals the key, wrecks headquarters, hijacks my nanite to get back the powers I took away from him. And now he can actually make people into EVOs. Then, to top it off, he has his dog boy Biowulf throw me, overboard at 6,000 feet. Not that anyone's keeping score. Sure, Van Kleiss may be back, but so am I. So what if he can make EVOs? I can still cure them. He may have new powers, but guess what-- I do, too. Ever since my powers came back, I've got the ability to make amazing new machines. Now I just have to figure out how to build more. If you're trying to check up on me, Six, the answer's still a big fat... ''[imitates buzzer]'' I can't figure out how to make this new build.
:'''Six:''' It might take some time, but you'll get it.
:'''Rex:''' And meanwhile, Van Kleiss is out there doing who knows what. I wish they'd hurry up and get the H.Q. Rebuilt. You're not still living out of your jump jet like some ninja hobo, are you?
:'''Six:''' My temporary accommodations are perfectly adequate.
:'''Rex:''' Yep. Still living in the jet.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I hate being kicked out of our house. Although, as long as they're building stuff, I need a hot tub.
:''[Carmen gasps]''
:'''Carmen:''' Madre! Estas viva! Como puede ser?
:'''Carmen's mother:''' No querida. Soy la prima gemela diabolica de tu madre.
:'''Noah:''' What are you watching?
:'''Rex:''' Cultural enrichment! Later on, we find out if Dr. Suarez chooses Isabel, or her evil half sister, Ana Maria.
:'''Carmen:''' Pero, como va supremivir esto nuesta familia.
:'''Carmen's mother:''' Con mucho dolor, vengaza y arrepentimiento.
:'''Noah:''' If you're gonna stay with me while they're rebuilding Providence, at least don't flaunt the fact that you don't have a pre-calculus test in three days.
:'''Rex:''' Pre-wha?
:'''Noah:''' Exactly my point. And when I agreed to this, I wasn't expecting the sidekick, too.
:'''Bobo:''' Hey, pally, we're a package deal. Live with it.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Noah:''' Was that a toenail? Can I just get hit by a toenail?!
:'''Rex:''' What's your deal?
:'''Noah:''' Aah! Get one in my mouth! Ugh!
:'''Rex:''' Okay, that is gross. Bobo, bad monkey. I thought this would be fun.
:''[Noah scoffs]''
:'''Noah:''' For you, maybe. I'll get a real life, too, you know. As much as I want it to be, it can't be all fun and games all the time, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Why not? Worse for me.
:'''Noah:''' Hey, I like adventure as much as the next guy, but I still have to pass math.
:'''Rex:''' You're not going to fail math. You have like the fourth highest GPA in your class.
:'''Noah:''' It used to be third. 
:'''Rex:''' And ten years from now, nobody's going to care. Hey doc, miss me? Huh? Oh. A situation. Really? Awesome! Nope. I'm not doing anything. Be right there. I'm gonna go pound some EVO into submission. Wanna come?
:'''Noah:''' You're serious?
:'''Rex:''' No. That would be you. Have fun with that math.
:'''Noah:''' Save the world or a chance at a scholarship? All right! I'm coming!
:'''Rex:''' Now see? It's a lot more fun when you just let go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you hold that thing still?
:'''Rex:''' Dibs! That's a whole lot of agents for one EVO, doc.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They weren't here for the EVO. That ship is carrying the new power core for Providence headquarters. This thing just happened to show up when we started to offload it.
:''[Dr. Holiday grunting]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Wh-o-o-o-oa!
:''[Rex straining]''
:'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Did you see the mark? Van Kleiss made that one.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why else do you think I've been trying to get a sample from it?
:'''Rex:''' I don't know-- Just being science-y? Ugh!
:'''Bobo and Noah:''' Yeah!
:'''Rex:''' Does that work for you?
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It'll do. Got it. We can cure it now.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Aah!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Chuckling]'' Unless you like getting thrown around like that.
:'''Noah:''' No hurry. This is great.
:'''Bobo and Noah:''' Ew!
:''[Dock worker grunts]''
:'''Dock worker:''' What hit me?
:'''Rex:''' That would be me.
:'''Six:''' You work here?
:'''Dock worker:''' What do you think, mister? Ahh, my back.
:'''Rex:''' Yep. Sorry. Was trying, you know, not to die. If he works at the dock, that must mean Van Kleiss was here.
:'''Noah:''' Actually, I think he still is.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They're after the power core.
:'''Rex:''' All this for a battery?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not just a battery. It could fuel a country the size of Abysus for a decade.
:'''Rex:''' And it was going to be underneath my room?! Excuse me. Out of the way! Coming through! I was wondering when you and your hair would show up again, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Back to your old self again, I see. And how are those new abilities developing?
:'''Rex:''' Just fine. Thanks for asking. Here's what I bet you're thinking, &quot;did we really think this plan through? Was using some poor dude as a decoy the best move?&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I suppose only time will tell. Not as strong as you thought.
:'''Rex:''' Not yet. That time I really thought I had it, okay? Ohh!
:'''Noah:''' How awesome was that?
:'''Rex:''' What part-- You clobbering Van Kleiss or Van Kleiss clobbering me?
:'''Noah:''' Well, both, actually.
:'''Rex:''' Hold on. I need a second to think of a really good dig.
:''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
:'''Rex:''' Why are you smiling? We just owned you. It's over, Van Kleiss. You lose!
:'''Noah:''' That was the best you could come up with. &quot;You lose&quot;?
:'''Rex:''' That one didn't count. He caught me off guard with the whole smiling thing, okay?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You'd be wise to consider delaying your celebration for the moment, Rex. You're about to have your hands quite full.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, really? And how do you figure that?
:'''Noah:''' Aah!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Here's the part where you must be thinking, &quot;did I think this plan through?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' Noah!
:''[Noah growls]''
:'''Rex:''' Are you nuts?! Stop it!
:'''Six:''' Stand down!
:'''Rex:''' Take it easy, Noah. You're going to be okay. This will all be over in a second. Great. Just great.
:'''Six:''' Go!
:'''Rex:''' Noah, if you can still understand me, when I said you should let things go, this isn't exactly what I meant.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Headache. It should be about balance, you know? Take care of the important stuff, but leave room for a little fun. Right now! Too much fun!
:''[Rex screaming]''
:'''Rex:''' Wh-o-o-o-oa! Everything's fine. Not a problem.
:'''Six:''' If you can't stop him, it's going to be.
:'''Rex:''' You know, Six, you really need to learn to think positive.
:''[Diane Farrah and Reporter gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Stupid grin. It's like it's all just a game to him.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' I know you!
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, uh, thanks, but--
:'''Determined grandmother:''' You're that &quot;tex&quot; kid from Providence.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, Rex. Ma'am, this really isn't--
:'''Determined grandmother:''' I have a bone to pick with Providence. Do you realize how awful it's been?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Rex:''' Funny story, he's actually my friend, so as soon as I can catch him--
:'''Determined grandmother:''' Every single night, someone moves my glasses. I leave them on the nightstand, and when I wake up, they're on the dresser!
:'''Rex:''' Glasses?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' There's got to be an EVO in my house. Some of them only come out  at night, you know.
:'''Rex:''' Uh-huh.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' Now, I keep calling you people, but no one will give me the time of day over there. So, you tell me-- How am I supposed to feel safe when there is an EVO in my apartment?!
:'''Rex:''' Here. First number on speed dial.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' He's eating the cat food, too!
:'''Bobo:''' That friend of yours is a walking disaster. I'm starting to like the kid.
:'''Six:''' We'll get this. Go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me?
:'''Rex:''' A little busy right now, doc.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Then I'll make it quick. The active nanites Van Kleiss create are highly unstable. If Noah isn't cured soon, his condition will be permanent.
:'''Rex:''' How long do I have?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's probably different for each infected person, but I calculate less than an hour.
:'''Rex:''' Noah, you have to listen to me. If I don't change you back, this is not going to turn out well. Please. Let me help you. No! No! Thanks a lot, guys!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Noah, I'm serious! Stop playing around!
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' This isn't a game, Noah! Huh. Maybe it should be. Okay, Noah. I give up! You're it! Better not be another train. All right!
:''[Noah roaring]''
:'''Rex:''' Aw, no.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Well, what do you know? I'm &quot;it&quot; again.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, any luck?
:'''Rex:''' Yep. I got him. Stand by. This isn't going to hurt. I promise.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex?
:'''Rex:''' I'm too late. I don't believe this. My best friend's an EVO forever-- And not even a cool EVO. He's the annoying, breaks-stuff kind.
:''[Noah belches]''
:'''Rex:''' Ugh!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Actually, Rex, it might not be Noah. Your biometrics have flat-lined.
:'''Rex:''' All that running around. He just wore me out. Did you hear that? It's me, not you.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Just give me a minute.
:''[Noah roaring]''
:'''Rex:''' Noah, don't even-- No, no, no, no, no. No! No! I don't believe this. You really need a hobby, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I thought we could settle things without distraction. Here is as good a place as any.
:'''Rex:''' I already kicked your butt once today. Ready to go again?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' The question is, are you? It's hardly a fair fight.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. Then I promised to go easy on you. What? You think I don't have my powers or something? I'm about to give you the pounding of the century! Come on, powers. Please come back! Don't you have anything better to do with your life than come after me all the time?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Funny you should ask.
:'''Rex:''' Doc? How are those biometrics looking now?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Give it a try.
:'''Rex:''' Ah, yeah! It's about time! Machines work. I just hope the important part does.
:'''Noah:''' What just happened?
:'''Rex:''' Do you remember anything?
:'''Noah:''' It all kind of hazy. I mostly remember the feeling of... Fun. And I remember you punching me in the face.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah. Sorry about that. I thought you were trying to eat me. Come on. We've got a rat to catch. Why so happy? Is this the part where breach shows up and rescues you?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, no. This is the part where she takes your inadequately guarded fuel core.
:'''Six:''' Six to post, what's your status? Six to post.
:'''Rex:''' Another decoy?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I should share some of the credit with your friend over here. He played the part to perfection.
:'''Noah:''' Gee, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, this would be the part where Breach shows up.
:'''Noah:''' I can't believe I did all this. Sounds like I had the time of my life.
:'''Rex:''' ''[laughing]'' It almost became your life. Sorry about that.
:'''Noah:''' Are you kidding? Just knowing I was a rampaging EVO is cool. I wish I could have remembered at least some of it.
:'''Rex:''' It's probably all over the news if you want a replay... At least until you stepped on the news van.
:'''Noah:''' Well... ''[Exhales sharply]'' Guess it's back to quadratic equations.
:'''Rex:''' I have no idea what those are. I've got somewhere I need to be. See you later. I know. I'm not supposed to be here. I don't care if it's a construction zone. I'm moving back.
:'''Six:''' It's all right. Turns out you're not the only one who feels that way. You'll get used to the cold showers. Food, you're on your own. From the top?
:'''Rex:''' From the top.
:'''Six:''' What were you trying to build, anyway?
:'''Rex:''' A water jet. Oh, by the way, I need a new cellphone.
:'''Six:''' Yes?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' It's after my glasses again.
:'''Six:''' Glasses?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' This time I am serious. Now, when are you going to send someone out here?
:'''Six:''' Ma'am, I'm...
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' Do you even work for Providence?
:'''Six:''' Yes, I work for Providence.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' What kind of a flimflam outfit is this?
:'''Six:''' How did you get this number?

===Wasteland===
===Tough Love===

===The Lost Weekend===
:'''Kenwyn:''' What did you to Skwydd?
:'''Mouse:''' Just shedding a light light on how dangerous his kind can be.
:'''Rex:''' By juicing his powers? What were you thinking?
:'''Mouse:''' Most inorganic material explodes when given that kind of molecular jolt, but not not nanites. They convert the energy into power that amplifies an E.V.O.'s abilities to tremendously uncontrollable levels.

===Star-Crossed===

===Alliance===
:'''Rex:''' The ends of the earth lie a place so deadly, it was sealed forever from the outside world. Welcome... to the Bug Jar... Where monstrous creatures roam free... Where a faithless ruler seeks to escape  to inflict his wrath upon humanity. But now, the Great Barrier is on the verge of failure... And the hope of all mankind lies in the bravest, most capable hands. And, uh, speaking of hands, you have four. Think you could lend one?
:'''Bobo:''' Whoops.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Guys, what's the status of the shield?
:'''Rex:''' The power regulator is completely trashed, doc. I'll need to control it manually until I can get it started. Mm. Kind of ripe in here.
:'''Bobo:''' That little back door there?
:''[Bobo clears throat]''
:'''Bobo:''' Not the bathroom. More Bug Jar, buddies. I got the last one.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Sighs]'' Fine. Hold this. And whatever you do, do not let go.
:'''Bobo:''' Or what?
:'''Rex:''' Kaboom!
:'''Bobo:''' He will pay.
:'''Rex:''' Okay, little wormie, come to papa. Whoa. Yet even in this forsaken place, our hero runs afoul of his evil nemesis... Van Kleiss. Activating stealth suit. Looks like Van Kleiss decided to crash the party.
:'''Bobo:''' Just like that guy knocked the phone ahead.
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' And he brought his Pack flunkies. Biowulf, Skalamander, Breach. Circe? Gotta hurry. Their headed straight for-- Someplace else. Gonna find out where.
:'''Bobo:''' No way. You're not leaving me here with your--
:'''Rex:''' Sorry. Another call.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, why aren't you fixing that shield regulator?
:'''Rex:''' Hint-- You may remember him from such schemes as destroying Providence headquarters, and trying to take over the entire Earth.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Van Kleiss, in there? You're right. You should investigate, after you fix the shield.
:'''Rex:''' Then it might be too late.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' She's there, isn't she?
:'''Rex:''' Who, Breach? Yeah, but--
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' A quick recon, and that's it. I'll try to buy some time at this end. And I want regular check-ins.
:'''Rex:''' Yep, got it.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Intriguing. An entire divergent branch of EVO development.
:'''Biowulf:''' This place is a waste of our time.
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss knows what he's doing. It's not your place to question.
:'''Biowulf:''' Question?! You dare accuse me of disloyalty?! Hmm.
:'''Circe:''' Sorry. Get a grip.
:'''Rex:''' With no care for his own safety, our brave hero tails his quarry into the very lion's den. Unknown to the villain, he'll be meddling in forces he can't possibly control.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Circe, if you would?
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:'''NoFace:''' Intruders!
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:'''NoFace:''' Who are you?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Someone in a position to help you.
:'''NoFace:''' Follow.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Breach, with me. The rest of you, remain here.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, my place is at your side.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I want no interruptions, Biowulf. Is that clear?
:'''Rex:''' Okay, folks, here's the 4-1-1. VK, NoFace-- Getting cozy. Gonna try to bust it up. That's all I got for now. Over and out.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, don't you dare hang up! I'm a feeling a cramp coming on!
:'''Circe:''' You're right, you know. We should be down there with him. What is he up to, anyway?
:'''Biowulf:''' I... do not know.
:'''Circe:''' You don't know? I thought he trusted you with everything.
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course he does! He just--
:'''Rex:''' Hey! Easy on the stealth suit, which apparently, isn't so stealthy.
:'''Circe:''' Rex?
:'''Skalamander:''' Providence Spy!
:'''Rex:''' Right! Man, got it in one! Yep, we heard V.K. was looking for a new second-in-command.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' What?!
:'''Rex:''' True story. Got it straight from intel. Not surprised, really. That NoFace is one bad dude. Guess Bio-Whelp here ain't cutting it these days.
:''[Biowulf roars]''
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:'''Circe:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Seen it before. First they keep you out of meetings.
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Then the boss chews you out for trying to do your job. Next thing you know, you're taking orders from the new guy, and you're just another hench like Skalamander.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf growls]''
:'''Rex:''' Here comes the moment when our brave hero sweeps the girl of her feet!
:'''Biowulf:''' Don't let him.
:'''Rex:''' Literally!
:'''Circe:''' Hey! Let--
:'''Rex:''' ''[flies off with Circe in his arms]'' See you around, henchie!
:'''Biowulf:''' ''[to Skalamander]'' Follow them!
:'''Circe:''' Down! Now!
:'''Rex:''' Not till we hear each other out!
:'''Circe:''' Sure. I'll go first.
:''[Circe roar echoing]'' 
:''[Breaks the Bogie Pack with a hypersonic burst, causing them to fall]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Oh, great! Way to go, Circe!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Any word from Rex?
:'''Bobo:''' He ain't back, and I'm still holding the bag. Hold on. Rex? That you, pal? Hidin' in plain sight. I hate this place.
:'''NoFace:''' Invaders have come before. They brought only pain.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It is a pain we both share. The same Providence outsides attacked my lands, destroyed my army.
:'''NoFace:''' There was one who tormented us-- Humiliated us. The grower of machines.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ah, Rex. Another thorn we share. My proposal is simple. You control a formidable legion. I, in turn, can provide the escape and the vengeance you seek. I can be your liberator. You can be my general. Together, we will crush our enemies, starting with the one you hate most. Now, then, are we--
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, I have a report.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[Irritated]'' This is a private conversation. Can't you handle the slightest detail without bothering me?
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course, master. It was nothing.
:''[Circe grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Ouch!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' Our hero pursues the girl of his dreams, heedless of her attempts to break his heart.
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Along with the rest of him. Circe! Just give me one minute, okay? Look, no powers.
:'''Circe:''' One minute. But if this is about leaving the Pack--
:'''Rex:''' Please. I'm way past that. There are bigger things going on here than who you hang out with.
:'''Circe:''' Fifty seconds.
:'''Rex:''' I wasn't sent here to spy on you. I'm here to stop these things from ever getting out.
:'''Circe:''' Forty. Why are you telling me this? You know who I am.
:'''Rex:''' You've seen the things that live here. Whatever deal you think Van Kleiss is making, it's going to turn out bad for everyone.
:'''Circe:''' Thirty seconds.
:'''Rex:''' I do know who you are, Circe. Just once think for yourself! Maybe your perfect leader could actually be wrong, maybe even a bit crazy. Nuts! Certifiably insane!
:'''Circe:''' Shut up!
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:'''Circe:''' Twenty. Talk about blinded. Did you ever wonder why Van Kleiss is so interested in you?
:'''Rex:''' Oh, I don't know. Maybe he wants me dead?
:'''Circe:''' Not anymore. Something has changed, Rex. Ever since you got your powers back, I hear him talking. Says you have something that's the key to everything. For whatever reason, he needs you alive. I know it, Rex. He'd never let you be killed.
:'''Rex:''' Never, huh?
:'''Circe:''' Time's up.
:''[Circe grunts]''
:'''NoFace:''' Enough talk! Free us!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You understand I need certain... assurances.
:'''NoFace:''' Assurances? Explain.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' If I free you, will you trust in my leadership and mine alone?
:'''NoFace:''' Leadership must be proven. Show us you can defeat our enemies.
:'''Rex:''' Now, this looks like a party.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rex. You never cease to amaze me.
:'''No-Face:''' Defiler! Give it to us!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now do you believe I can deliver what I say? Will you agree to my leadership?
:'''NoFace:''' We agree to it! Give him to us! Now! Now! Now!
:'''Circe:''' ''[very shocked]'' Van Kleiss, I didn't bring Rex here so you could-- He'll kill him!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Never forget how I found you, Circe. What you were... before. He's yours. 
:''[Tears well up in Circe's eyes; thoroughly horrified that her master would calmly allow Rex's life to be put at risk]''
:'''NoFace:''' You! Bring him to the vestibule!
:'''Rex:''' You have your orders!
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' I'm going to enjoy this.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' You were supposed to finish me off. Now you just get to watch with the other hench bags. Surrounded by the jeering throng, the hero faces certain doom. The heartbreaker looks on. When it's over, she'll regret shunning his advances.
:'''NoFace:''' Now you feel... my pain!
:'''Rex:''' First, a few ground rules. Nothing below the belt, and I have a date on Friday, so easy on the face.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' It's not exactly a problem in your case, having NoFace and all. Huh?
:''[Rex gasps]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' No anchovies on pizza.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' No stripes with plaids.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Termine ser sentados, Por favor!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[weakly]'' Is this what you wanted? 
:''[Collapses from his inquiries, causing Circe to open her eyes]''
:'''Circe''' ''[tearful, pleading]'': Stop this! Please! You need him alive!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Alive-- Yes. Heart pumping, lungs breathing. But his mind? The less that's left of that, the better. Circe, I warn you. Lift so much as a finger to help him, and you're finished!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'll have this trash removed. And now that you've had your fun, it's time to finalize our--
:'''NoFace:''' We will have our full revenge!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It seems we've reached something of an impasse.
:'''NoFace:''' We take orders from no one else!
:'''Rex:''' I'm not driving a wedge between you, Am I?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Well played.
:'''Rex:''' Good news for me. For you, not so much.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Pity we couldn't have worked something out. Breach, if you would?
:''[Van Kleiss sighs]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Looks like the hard way, then.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Huh? His work here finished, the hero does the noble thing. He runs like a thief. Adiós!
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Where the heck have you been?!
:'''Rex:''' You're not still holding on to that, are you? Because it's a good thing-- You know, with the whole... kaboom... Doc, I'm back.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' There you are. Rex, listen to me. If the shield fails, the only solution is a cold reboot of the system. I don't need to tell you what will happen if the thing's in there get out.
:'''Rex:''' Keep your lab coat on. This'll only take a minute. Or maybe not. Doc, do you remember back in the briefing all that stuff you were saying about worst-case scenarios? Yeah, we have a winner. I got nothing.
:'''Bobo:''' Great. 'Cause this situation's not random enough already. Let's throw some raging teen hormones into the mix.
:'''Circe:''' You, Biowulf, even me... We're all just means to an end for him. He doesn't really care about any of us.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, you finally figured that out. Well, better late than never, I guess.
:'''Circe:''' It's not too late, not if I have anything to say about it.
:''[Extends her fleshly and grotesque EVOs mouth]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! There are some of us around here that might not like the sound of whatever you're about to do.
:'''Circe:''' I'll adjust the frequency to exclude friendly EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Does that include me?
:'''Circe:''' For now.
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:''[Uses her melodious, hypnotic singing to call back the EVOs escaping]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa, mama!
:''[Bobo grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' I thought you said you could filter it.
:'''Circe:''' It's not an exact science.
:'''Rex:''' It worked! You're calling them all back! And right towards us! Torn between saving his friends or the world, our hero makes the stupid choice.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Come on, Bobo... Focus! Think bananas! Think how much you hate 'em!
:'''Biowulf:''' Get that thing running.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, you'll need to follow this sequence exactly.
:'''Rex:''' Not no time for that!
:'''Computer''': Shield activation in sixty seconds. Fifty-nine, fifty-eight--
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:''[Circe groans]''
:'''Bobo:''' Gotcha! Not seeing much of a difference.
:'''Rex:''' We are out of here! You coming or what?
:'''Biowulf:''' I was never here.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Computer:''' Fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
:''[Circe groans]''
:''[Circe grunts]''
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss?
:'''Rex:''' Eh, Breach'll get him out... Eventually. But right now he's in there, you're out here. You'll never have a better time to consider, you know, your options.
:''[Notice the two of them holding hands and let go, blushing]''
:'''Bobo:''' What is it about stealing from our own people that's so dang satisfyin'?
:'''Circe:''' You forgot to remove the tracker.
:'''Bobo:''' Eh, funny that.
:'''Circe:''' I'm not going to Providence.
:'''Rex:''' Doesn't matter where you go. All that matters is that you want to go there. That said... I hear Hong Kong's nice this time of year. And so, the tired warrior journeys homeward-- Crisis averted, world saved, villains vanquished.
:'''Bobo:''' Girl not got. Again!
:'''Rex:''' Do you have to rub it in?

===Robo Bobo===
===Divide By Six===
:'''One''': ''[Speaking through Rex]'' Six.
:'''Six''': One?
:'''One''': You left this place, quit life as a mercenary and so rarely returned to visit.
:'''Six''': I did what I felt was right, I never meant to dishonor.
:'''One''': So rarely, that I never had time to tell you how proud you've made me.
:'''Six''': ''[Takes off his glasses for the first time in the series]'' We're going to help you. We're going to take you home.
:'''One''': But Six, I  am home. ''[Rex falls unconscious while One's body starts changing. Eventually his body dissolves and fertilizes the entire island to its former splendor]''
: '''Six:''' He's still One. He's just one with everything.
===Mixed Signals===
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, big guy! Someone needs to ease off on the cheeseburgers.
: '''Six:''' Skip the insults. Start the containment.
: '''Rex:''' Like its feelings are going to get hurt. One bad and ugly going down. What?
: '''Six:''' Rex? Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Six:''' You want to explain this?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. It's like some weird vision of this thing filled my head, then built itself out of me. Maybe the vision came from Blobbo. Maybe it's trying to talk to me. Come on, big boy. Send me some more pictures. What's on your mind?
: '''Six:''' Groceries. That's what's on its mind.
: '''Rex:''' I'm skipping. I'm over it. That vision must have been a fluke.
: '''Six:''' All right, then. We're going with a two-prong attack. Use caution. This kind of EVO might be a splitter. Rex! Snap out of it!
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Ha! I wasn't supposed to do that, right?
: '''Six:''' Rex, I want you back at HQ.
: '''Rex:''' But I feel okay now. And we've got, um-- Two blobs to put down.
: '''Six:''' Now!
: '''Holiday:''' No trace of any recent electrochemical or DNA abnormalities. Everything reads normal.
: '''Rex:''' But it's like the visions were being transmitted, and I was seeing it from a nanite point of view.
: '''Holiday:''' I can't track it, Rex. There's no sign of signal displacement or a nano disturbance. Maybe we should consider the possibility that this is psychological.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Pizza.
: '''Holiday:''' I think he's having another vision.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Of lunch?
: '''Rex:''' With pineapple and salmon.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Blech! He is nuts.
: '''Holiday:''' Aside from a strange choice in pizza toppings, all readings are normal. I can't explain it.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if my nanites are trying to get me to build something, maybe we should give them what they want.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Whatever it is, I'm not eating it. Is that my electric toothbrush?
: '''Rex:''' It better not be the one I've been using.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Oh.
: '''Rex:''' This is what I'm seeing in my head. As stupid as it looks. It's like someone or something is sending me instructions to build some big device.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Or build a pizza with pineapple and salmon.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. I'm not sure about that vision.
: '''Holiday:''' Is that my hairdryer?
: '''Rex:''' I just need to figure out what it does. Maybe it's a time machine. Or-- Or alien technology!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Maybe it's just a big pile of junk. Or a way to order a really awful pizza.
: '''Contraption Voice:''' Target acquired.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Wake up!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Provindece Soldier #1:''' Hey, where do you think you're going? We've got a security breach. Front floor.
: '''Providence Soldier #2:''' Lockdown protocols enabled. All hands report to duty station. Security speed, take position.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, guys. I might be a little... late.
: '''Caesar:''' Case compression. Release.
: '''Rex:''' Figures I'd build a machine with a serious attitude problem.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[taking off his helmet and turns to Rex]'' Rex, is that you?
: '''Rex:''' Who’s asking?
: '''Caesar:''' It’s me, Caesar, your brother! Mijo! ''[Hugs Rex]'' You're alive and... older. ''[Rex is dumbfounded]'' Uh. Atomic clock was right... ''[spanish accent]'' Es una problema grande.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, yeah. ''[Pushes Caesar]'' It is a big problem.
: '''Caesar:''' What is this place? Who are you people? ''[to Rex]'' I'm getting you out of here!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Sorry, amigo. Put your hands up. Or don't. I got a clear shot either way.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[is looking at Bobo]'' A talking chimp?
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Don't bother. I've heard all the jokes.
: '''Caesar:''' Have they hurt you? Are you okay? Stand aside.
: '''Rex:''' Hello? Do I get a say in this?
: '''Holiday:''' If you're part of some elaborate plan to kidnap Rex, then you failed.
: '''Caesar:''' Listen, bonita, you don't wanna make me use this.
: '''Rex:''' ''[gets in between them]'' Enough! Normally around here when someone barges in talking crazy, they get around into the deck plates by my giant fists. But you seem legit. I'm going with him.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Okay, brother. Lead the way. So if you are my brother, where have you been all this time?
: '''Caesar:''' I'll explain later when we're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, this is Providence. We are safe. Usually.
: '''Caesar:''' Providence? Never heard of it. To be honest, the last five years has been a bit of a blur.
: '''Rex:''' I want to believe you, but I'm gonna need some proof.
: '''Caesar:''' Your name is Rex Salazar. Our parents are Violetta and Raphael. The last time I saw you was at the Applied Nanite Research Lab in Abysus; right before those fools triggered a replication cycle.
: '''Rex:''' And I have total amnesia so, for all I know, that could be completely bogus.
: '''Caesar:''' There's a scar on the back of your left knee you got when you were seven, riding the gantry arm in the reactor annex.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. I always wondered how I got that.
:''[they go out and Rex notices Caesar Salazar's pod laboratory]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. Nice wheels.
: '''Six:''' ''[Comes out and unsheathed his swords]'' Don't even think about it.
: ''[Caesar is about to attack but Rex stops him]''
: '''Rex:''' It's okay. Six isn't going to hurt you. Right, Six? You're comming in a little late on this, but, uh, this is Caesar, my brother, and he wants to get me out of here. So, let's just let my brother have his way and see where this all goes. Wherever you plan on going, they're going to follow us. You know that, right?
: '''Caesar:''' They can try.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. Providence ship are pretty fast.
: '''Six:''' Track Rex's bio signature and find out who that guy really is.
: '''Rex:''' You ain't kidding. This thing moves fast. A-are we in the arctic?
: '''Caesar:''' How do you think I got to your location so quickly once the locator signaled me?
: '''Rex:''' Locator? You sent me the schematics to build that thing? It tried to crush me like a bug!
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, mijo. I wasn't really trying to hurt. ''[scans Rex's body]'' I was looking for what's hiding inside of you. ''[showing Rex the result]'' The Omega One Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' That thing? Holiday discovered it before. We had no idea what it was.
: '''Caesar:''' I sent signal instructions for the Omega One to track and contain. But since the nanite has integrated into your DNA, you became the conduit for building the machine. What I don't get is how the Omega One got inside of you. Rylander was supposed to have that under lock and key.
: '''Rex:''' Rylander? He's the one who put it inside me.
: '''Caesar:''' Why would he do a thing like that? I'm really gonna have to let old fool have it when I see him.
: '''Rex:''' Not possible-- Courtesy of Van Kleiss.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss?! What does that third-rate lab hack have to do with this?
: '''Rex:''' What? I guess I’m not the only one who needs an update. Where have you been?
: '''Caesar:''' It's a long story-- actually, short by my clock. A splinter group had formed at the lab. They had other ideas about how the nanites would be used. We tried to stop them, and you were hurt. The only way to save your life was an infusion of nanites. It was risky, but it worked. We thought that'd be enough to stop the others, make them see the right path. But we were wrong. Mom and Dad were in the reactor. As for me, I managed to escape in my lab. But the shock wave, the same shock wave that probably blanked your memory.... also interfered with engine that powers this pod. I was stuck in sub-light drive.
: '''Rex:''' How long?
: '''Caesar:''' Fifteen minutes. That's how long it took me to reboot the system. But at the speed I was going, it was 5 years of your time. I knew there was an accident, but I had no idea how bad. My nanite sensors were off the charts. My 1st priority was to insure the OM-1 was safe. That was our promise. And here we are. So, what have I missed these past five years?
: '''Rex:''' Providence? We need to talk. They can wait.
: '''Caesar:''' So let me understand, there are EVOs and Van Kleiss claimed as their leader?
: '''Rex:''' Well, not for all of them, yet. I want to know about me, about our parents.
: '''Caesar:''' They were scientists. We lived all over the world. Things settled down when you came along. That was in Geneva.
: '''Rex:''' Wait a second. Are you saying I'm Swiss?
: ''Caesar:'' Not really. Mother was born in Mexico City. Father in Buenos Aires.
: '''Rex:''' And they're really... gone? ''[Caesar slowly nods sadly]''
: '''Rex:''' Um, where exactly did this ship take us?
: '''Caesar:''' What do you know?We're back at the original lab site.
: '''Rex:''' You mean the one in Abysus?
: '''Caesar:''' Is that a problem?
: '''Rex:''' I'd say just a small one. We should go, like now.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[typing]'' Hmm... Must be low on charge.  ''[walks out the door]'' We may be stuck, but on the bright side, I can take a look at some of these variegated organisms. ''[goes out]''
: '''Rex:''' Caesar! Wait!
: ''[outside and observing the EVOs]''
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating. We theorized mutations might occur but never anything this random.
: ''[Rex hits the EVO before they got near Caesar]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, bro, but these guys--
: ''[Rex hits another EVO]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Usually don't sit still for questions.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[seeing Rex's new build]'' Hmm... That's new.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Guess I've learned a--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' A few tricks. But they still won't be enough if Van Kleiss shows up with all his goons. Six!
: '''Six:'''We're locked onto you. The keep is already on its way.
: '''Rex:''' Your ship may be out of juice, but I'm not. Hop on. I can get us out of here.
: '''Caesar:''' I won't leave my lab, and you definitely don't want Van Kleiss getting his hands on some of the things in here. I'll try to reroute the capacitors to an alternate power source.
: '''Caesar:''' Oh, you wanna see a photo of you, me, and papi? Maybe later.
: '''Rex:''' You're a little off, aren't you, Caesar? 
: '''Biowulf:''' What was that machine it flew off with?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' A laboratory. One I thought I'd never see again. It seems an old friend has returned-Caesar.
: '''Rex:''' Providence isn't so bad now, eh, hermano?
: '''Caesar:''' Is this a Grinnell? They always made good consoles, except for the random power surges.
: '''Six:''' Well?
: '''Rex:''' Everything's cool. He's a little kooky, but I'm pretty sure he's my brother.
: '''Six:''' Glad to hear it. Now I need you back. We still have some unfinished business.
: '''Rex:''' Got to get back to work.
: '''Caesar:''' My little brother, the hero. I remember when you just wanted to be a musician.
: '''Rex:''' Guitar? No, wait drums.
: '''Caesar:''' Accordion.
: '''Rex:''' You got to be kidding me!
: '''Six:''' As I recall, you started it.
: '''Rex:''' Huh?
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Six:''' The EVO is dividing faster than we can contain it. The city is being evacuated.
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Excuse me, admiral. I need you to take me down there immediately. Afraid I'll have to insist.
: '''Six:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Are you crazy?!
: '''Caesar:''' Depends on who you ask. I had something in my lab that I thought could help.
: '''Six:''' Help? You're not even supposed to be outside the keep.
: '''Rex:''' WHOO-HOO! Way to go, bro! First day on the job, and you already got a save!
: '''Six:''' Job?
: '''Rex:''' Oh, come on, admit it, Six. He just saved our chicharrones.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? What's so funny?
: '''Caesar:''' You always make me laugh when you try to speak Spanish.
: '''Holiday:''' We've pulled his records, and I've confirmes his DNA. It seems Rex really does have a brother.
: '''White Knight:''' If everything I've read about him is true, he could be an incredible asset to Providence.
: '''Six:''' Or a major liability.
: '''White Knight:''' All the more reason to keep him with us. Give him whatever he needs.
: '''Holiday:''' White's right, Six. He knows more about nanites than anyone on the planet. He helped invent them.
: '''Six:''' My point exactly. He's settling in?
: '''Rex:''' I guess so. Caesar's a little strange. Hard to believe he's actually my brother.
: '''Six:''' I'm happy for you, Rex. You always said you wanted to find your family.
: '''Rex:''' Thanks, but... You know that? I already did. Caesar may be my brother, but you, Holiday, Bobo, you're who I have a connection with.
: '''Bobo:''' Aww, now, see, I'm getting all misty.
: '''Caesar:''' There you are. Hmm. Nice view. Say, mijo, you think your cafeteria could whip up a pizza with pineapple and salmon? I've been craving one for days.
: '''Bobo:''' Connection, huh?

===Outpost===
:'''Alvarez:''' Did you hear that? Aah!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Alvarez!
:'''Valentina:''' He will be fine in a few hours.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Drop it.
:'''Valentina:''' I was planning to.
:''[Alvarez grunts]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' They are free.
:'''Valentina:''' Muy bueno. Providence is now at war with the Green Fist!
:'''Rex:''' Come on, doc. Are you serious? Another one? Ouch!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Oh, this is really necessary.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The rainforest is rife with diseases, poisonous insects, and worse. I don't want you coming down with anything.
:'''White Knight:''' Is he ready to go?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' As ready as he'll ever be.
:'''Rex:''' He's wondering how come Six doesn't have to get a shot if he's also going?
:'''White Knight:''' Six is still in New Zealand, dealing with a... Small problem.
:'''Rex:''' Oh sure. Let him deal with the small stuff. While I do all the hard work.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[to Rex]'' We don't have time to wait for him. You're going solo.
:'''Bobo:''' Hey! Where he goes, I go.
:'''White Knight:''' Like I said-- Solo. Now, this Green Fist group have been stealing EVOs all over South America. We believe they will hit Corazon de Selva next.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The Providence station there has just captured a large batch of EVOs in the jungle.
:'''Rex:''' Bobo and I are ready to roll.
:'''White Knight:''' Be careful. For all we know, the Green Fist could  be selling EVOs to Van Kleiss.
:'''Bobo:''' I'm ready for carnival! Let's party!
:''[White Knight clears throat]''
:'''White Knight:''' The situation down there is... complex. I need both of you to handle the mission quietly and with diplomacy.
:'''Rex:''' I can be diplomatic. Oh, by the way, you might want to think about switching to low-fat, White. Starting to look at little... Jowly.
:'''Bobo:''' Better leave the diplomacy to the small one.
:'''Rex:''' This is the town?
:'''Bobo:''' Something tells me they're not in the mood to party. Maybe a knock-knock joke would lighten things up?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You must be Rex.
:'''Rex:''' You're Agent Martrello?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You may call me &quot;Oso&quot;, my friend.
:'''Rex:''' White Knight said to send his regards.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Maybe he could come visit sometime, get some sun, see what it's like on the front lines nowadays? ''[laughing. Then to Bobo]'' This must be the monkey. He does tricks? Hello, señor Bobo.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[puts his palm to Oso's mouth]'' That's &quot;Agent Haha&quot; to you, buddy.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Come. The station is not fair.
:'''Bobo:''' Doesn't anybody mow the grass around here?
:''[Oso Maretelo chuckles]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Often. But the jungle can only be kept at bay, not subdued.
:''[Oso Maretelo grunting]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' There we go.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Apologies. The air-conditioning is down again.
:'''Bobo:''' Makes our place look like the penthouse suite.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' But who needs air-conditioning? We're here to work! The kennel is this way. Most of these EVOs we brought in last week from deep in the jungle. A tempting target for the Green Fist.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa. It's packed in here! What are you gonna do with all of them?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' The big ones are shipped to larger facilities, like yours. These smaller ones stay here. They're really quite harmless, but the world wants EVOs captured, so we keep them. Oh, careful! This EVO is not like the rest. Took down six of my agents before we caught it.
:'''Rex:''' Is it really tiny or something?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' That's strange. He was here this morning, he can't have escaped. Aah!
:'''Bobo:''' Peekaboo.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Aah!
:'''Bobo:''' Yah!
:'''Rex:''' You all right there, buddy?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' I think you've both earned that cold drink you wanted.
:'''Rex:''' See? This gig isn't so bad. Cold drinks, fringe benefits.
:'''Bobo:''' It's on the fringe, all right, but I don't see the benefit.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Drink, Agent Haha. Horchata, the rice milk, is good for you. Besides... It's all they serve here.
:'''Rex:''' I think it's pretty good, but how come we can't get any service?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' We're Providence. All they know is when there's trouble, Providence is there. Our relationship with them is, uh, complex.
:'''Rex:''' Complex? We protect them from EVOs. You know, this calls for a little diplomacy.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother.
:'''Rex:''' Excuse me.
:'''Waitress:''' ¿Sí?
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Uh...
:''[Waitress chuckles]''
:'''Waitress:''' You don't look like the usual Providence soldiers.
:'''Rex:''' That's 'cause I'm not. Name's Rex. Maybe you've seen me on the news?
:'''Waitress:''' No.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, what's that?
:'''Waitress:''' The horchata anejo. It's aged. Muy sabrosa.
:'''Rex:''' I'll take a pitcher of that.
:'''Waitress:''' We only make one pitcher a night. They have it.
:'''Rex:''' Hey, mind if I try some?
:'''Valentina:''' It's too strong for you, gringo.
:'''Rex:''' Gringo? So Mexicano!
:'''Valentina:''' Y tambien eres Providencia. Okay. Let's see if you can handle it.
:'''Rex:''' Gracias.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex gulps]''
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! That's good! Smooth!
:''[Rex gagging]''
:''[Oso Maratelo laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[after taking a drink]'' I don't get what makes it so special.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' It's made from rice that's passed through the digestive system of a monkey.
:''[Rex spits his drink]''
:''[Valentina growls]''
:''[Biruta grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:''[Woman gasps]''
:''[Woman grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Woman:''' Aah!
:'''Old Man:''' Aah!
:'''Man:''' Aah!
:'''Biruta:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I can't use my EVO powers against them! I don't want to hurt these people!
:'''Bobo:''' I wish they felt the same about us!
:'''Rex:''' Oso, you know how to use one of those?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' The lariat? Oh, yes. I grew up roping steer on my Uncle's Rancho.
:'''Bobo:''' Rex!
:'''Biruta:''' El es un EVO!
:''[Valentina sighs]''
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' So, what do you think of that? Aah!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Waitress:''' ''[tossing Rex, Bobo and Martello out the bar]'' You are like the other Providence agents-- Bad for business!
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' This is where diplomacy gets you, my young friend. Now, are you up for a stakeout?
:'''Bobo:''' Not me! I'm out of with this town and these ungrateful people. I'm going home.
:'''Rex:''' But, Bobo, we need you for a special undercover mission?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Please, Agent Haha. You are the key to the entire operation.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, yeah? Well, you could have said that before.
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:''[Bobo grunting]''
:'''Biruta:''' Quiet! I'm trying to free you from Providence!
:'''Bobo:''' I am Providence, dummy.
:''[Biruta grunts]''
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' These toys of yours-- They're for children!
:''[Biruta grunts]''
:''[Valentina grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Who're you working for?
:''[Valentina grunts]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' You?! Horchata girl?! What do you think you're doing?!
:'''Valentina:''' I'm feeding all your prisoners, creep!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Aah!
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa!
:'''Rex:''' Scratch marks? Weird. What the heck did this?
:''[Valentina screams]''
:'''Valentina:''' Huh? Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Take a number! I have business with the señorita first. Aah!
:''[Valentina grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Aah!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Bobo:''' Hyah!
:'''Valentina:''' Aah!
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, and stay down!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Rex, you okay?
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I feel... fine. I hope Holiday gave me a shop or whatever that was.
:'''Valentina:''' For the last time, we don't work for Van Kleiss! The Green Fist fights for the EVOs who cannot fight for themselves. We set them free-- Nothing more.
:''[Bobo snorts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Just what we need-- Humans for ethical treatment of EVOs.
:'''Valentina:''' Ugh! We were returning them to their natural habitat! What Providence does is wrong and against the natural order of things! ''[to Rex]'' You're a traitor to your own kind!
:'''Rex:''' That thing you set free-- It's natural order is to exterminate mankind! It wanted to kill you! Your men are dying because of it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I wish I had better news.
:'''Rex:''' Thanks anyway, doc. We'll call with updates.
:'''Bobo:''' What did she say?
:'''Rex:''' The nanites in my system are fighting off the toxin, but that's only slowing it down. We need to make an anti-toxin, or-- or...
:'''Valentina:''' Or se va a morir!
:'''Bobo:''' In English! In English!
:'''Rex:''' It's doing to me what it's done to Valentina's men. If we don't get the anti-toxin soon, they'll die, and, eventually, I will, too.
:'''Bobo:''' Think I liked it better in Spanish.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' If I can get a blood sample of that EVO with this, it'll beam its DNA sequence back to Holiday and she'll be able to instantly synthesize an anti-toxin.
:'''Rex:''' I want to go.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You're sick.
:'''Bobo:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I'm better equipped than any agent you have, and you know it.
:''[Oso Maretelo sighs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Very well. You'll come with me and a team of my best men.
:'''Valentina:''' You're killing him if you do that. Listen, you need me, Providence man. I know that jungle better than anyone. Your big, noisy party will alert that EVO. You won't get within a mile of it. My men are dying, too. Let me free!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You think I'm going to let you just walk out of here alone?
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm going, too.
:''[Bobo grunting]''
:'''Bobo:''' Aah!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Anything yet?
:'''Rex:''' Nothing.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Rex, once you get the sample of the EVO's blood for the anti-toxin, I'll pick you up in the jump jet. White Knight wants you sticking to his orders, nothing more-- Capture the EVO and bring back the prisoner.
:'''Rex:''' Gotcha.
:'''Valentina:''' Orders? Prisoners? You wonder why we're suspicious of Providence.
:'''Rex:''' We're protecting people. What we're doing is good. I believe that.
:'''Valentina:''' You think I don't believe in what I do? Who decides who's right-- Your White Knight?
:''[Bobo snoring]''
:'''Rex:''' All we found out here are goats from the village-- At least what's left of them.
:''[Rex groans]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Valentina:''' You all right?
:'''Rex:''' I'm fine. Let's just hope this trap works.
:''[Bobo snoring]''
:'''Bobo:''' ''[to the creature]'' Hey, pal, didn't anybody tell you the trap's over there? Aah!
:'''Valentina:''' We've caught him!
:'''Bobo:''' No! You caught me! Big difference!
:'''Rex:''' Aaah! That's it. No more running. Hyah! Ahh! Okay, time for more running!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Ahh!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Adiós! Aah!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' The toxins are breaking down my nanites!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Valentina:''' Over here! Come and get me!
:'''Rex:''' Don't! It'll kill you! :'''Valentina:''' You're too ill to fight it!
:'''Rex:''' Look, put down the flower basket and trust me.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' On my signal. Come on. Don't you want a nice Rex burger for breakfast? Not yet. Not yet. Now!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Valentina:''' You caught it. You've saved my men.
:'''Rex:''' We caught it... Together. First my cure... Now his. I don't believe it. This thing... It isn't an EVO.
:'''Valentina:''' The fangs, the toxin... The goat! Of course! How could I have been so blind? This animal is a chupacabra!
:'''Rex:''' Chupacabra? Isn't that a myth, like bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster?
:'''Valentina:''' I thought it was only a legend, too.
:'''Rex:''' Providence must have come blundering onto its home turf and captured it.
:'''Valentina:''' So... What will you do?
:'''Rex:''' Only one option, as far as I see it.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Go on. Get! Get!
:'''Valentina:''' There are things in this jungle stranger than EVOs and older than man.
:'''Rex:''' Well, as long as they stay here, we won't have anymore problems. Doc, did the sample beam through okay?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm synthesizing the anti-toxin right now. It'll be at the base by the time Oso picks you up.
:'''Rex:''' He'll be here soon with the jump set. You better get going.
:'''Valentina:''' Your orders were to bring me back.
:'''Rex:''' I don't always follow orders.
:'''Valentina:''' Thank you. This still doesn't make up for spitting the horchata in my face.
:'''Bobo:''' Ooh, slick. If it was me, I would have kissed her.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' The anti-toxin will have you back to normal within the hour. Now, what happened with the woman?
:'''Rex:''' She, uh, got away.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' I see. You're learning, my friend. It's complex. A woman like that-- It makes our problems with EVOs seem simple, no?
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Safe journey, my friends. I hope to see you again.
:'''Bobo:''' That makes one of us.
:'''Waitress:''' Wait! For your trip!
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Gracias. How'd I earn this?
:'''Waitress:''' I heard what you did. The chupacabra-- It stole my abuela's goat. Providence is going to buy her a new one. Thank you.
:''[Waitress smooches]''
:'''Bobo:''' Hey, if that's all it took to make you happy, we would have run off with the goat when we first came to town. Aah! Aw! Some thanks!

===Haunted===
===Moonlighting===
===Without a Paddle===

===Written in Sand===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I need an uptade.
:'''Rex''': I'm right at the edge. Anything still alive in there is trying to get away from the sandstorm.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's not the storm they're running from. The nanites inside them are forcing the animals away. It's creating a kind of nanite-free zone.
:'''Rex''': Ha! We should call White Knight. Maybe he'll move here and leave us all alone.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's no laughing matter, Rex. It could be the most significant development since the original nanite event.
:'''Rex''': Yeah, yeah. Possible cures save the world-- Got it. I'll check it out.
:'''Bobo''': Hey, doc. You may wanna get a load of this over here.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Negative. The storm is moving in too fast. Just place a sensor and pack it in.
:'''Rex''': Hey. No. It couldn't be. Rex to base. We got trouble of the egomaniacal EVO kind.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Van Kleiss is here? Why am I not surprised?
:'''Rex''': I think the real question is, if everything else is in such a race to get out, why is he going on? 
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, wait.
:'''Rex''': Don't worry, doc. It's me. What could possibly happen?
:'''Skalamander''': RARGH! PTUH! They're nothing but dirt.
:'''Biowulf''': My senses-- Useless in all this sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': This phenomenon deserves my personal attention. What we seek is nearby. I can feel it pushing against me.
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex emerges from the sand storm]'' Yeah?
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex kicks Skalamander]'' How about kicking against you, too?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Rex! You're not welcome here.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Now, that hurt my feelings!
:''[Rex groaning]''
:''[Skalamander pins him to the sand, causing him to groan in pain]''
:''[Skalamander laughs]''
:'''Rex''': Aaah! Whoa!
:'''Van Kleiss''': If I never see your face again, It will be too soon!
:'''Rex''': Yeah? The feeling's-- Whoa! Mutual!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex? Rex, do you read me?
:''[Bobo coughing]''
:'''Bobo''': Okay, we gotta get outta here. I got sand in places I didn't even know I had places.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, if you can hear me, we're retreating to the safe zone. Rendezvous with us there.
:'''Rex''': AAAAH! WHOA-OHHHHHHH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex coughs]''
:'''Rex''': Okay, Kleiss-- Go time! No EVO allies, just you and-- Whoa! Uh, sorry, buddy. Didn't mean to bring you along for the ride.
:'''Van Kleiss''': I don't need my EVO allies, when I can simply make more.
:'''Rex''': Don't get me wrong-- I love punching stuff. But anything you can do, I can undo better! We can do this all day. Or you can just spill it.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': Why are you causing this nanite-free zone?
:'''Van Kleiss''': How convenient it must be to make me the root of all evil. I'm not causing it. I've come to discover the source and destroy it.
:'''Rex''': This could be the cure to nanites.
:'''Van Kleiss''': And I live off nanites. What Providence calls a cure, I call death.
:'''Rex''': Really? Haven't we moved past this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Huh?
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:''[After Van Kleiss creates a scorpion EVO to attack Rex, it attacks him instead.]''
:'''Rex''': That is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Hang on-- I got to get this on video. ''[Takes out cell phone and starts recording Van Kleiss dodging the scorpion EVO.]''
:''[Van Kleiss panting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Something's wrong. I should be controlling this creature.
:'''Rex''': Stinks to be you. Huh? You ruined my shot!
:'''Van Kleiss''': I believe we've found something more interesting.
:'''Rex''': You like to point out the obvious, don't you?
:'''Bobo''': Don't get me wrong-- I love the kid, but if we don't pull stakes now, we'll be combing dust outta all sorts of places for years.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Too late. Hold on to everything that's not tied down. This is going to be a bumpy... ride.
:'''Six''': Holiday? I trust you're all right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I'm fine, Six. But Rex is still out there-- With Van Kleiss. I can't reach him.
:'''Six''': We'll prep a rescue party. Prepare to come aboard.
:'''Rex''': Hey!
:'''Van Kleiss''': This is not simply a nanite-free zone. Something is stealing the nanites from our bodies. If we linger here too long, we may both find ourselves defenseless against the other.
:'''Rex''': Well, then, we'd better blow this joint. And when I say &quot;we&quot; I mean &quot;me&quot;.
:''[Rex tries to escape and fails]''
:'''Rex''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': If either of us is to escape this place, we will have to work together.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': What exactly are you suggesting?
:'''Van Kleiss''': A temporary truce.
:'''Rex''': An extremely temporary truce.
:'''Van Kleiss''': We'll work our way to the center of the nanite storm.
:'''Rex''': No, we work our way out of the nanite storm and get Providence in here to figure out what's happening.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Providence? They can't be trusted.
:'''Rex''': Them? Didn't you try to take over New York? And Europe? And the world?
:'''Van Kleiss''': You need to listen to me, Rex. Without a powers, you're nothing but a child.
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah? Truce over! Okay. This is awkward. Hey, is it just me, or are you getting really dust?
:'''Van Kleiss''': It's happening faster than I thought.
:'''Rex''': What's happening faster? If you know something, you'd better spit it out, or-- Whoa! It all looks fossilized. Like it's made completely out of... sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Not only are there no nanites here, this is pure silicone. There are no other elements-- No carbon, calcium, hydrogen. It appears that this zone not only destroys nanites, but is--
:'''Rex''': Squeezing the life from the Earth. This isn't sand. This is me!
:''[Rex whimpering]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': These glyphs-- There's something familiar about them. Sumatran? Mesopotamian?
:'''Rex''': Less geeking, more escaping!
:'''Van Kleiss''': We need to find the epicenter of this maze. These glyphs may hold the answer.
:'''Rex''': Only if one says &quot;exit sign.&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss''': No need to panic, Rex. We have at least twenty minutes before fossilization-- Give or take.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Don't panic&quot;-- Says the guy who used to be dirt.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Rex''': We're turning into walking litter boxes, and you're checking out caveman graffiti? No wonder I'm always kicking your butt.
:'''Van Kleiss''': You don't have an investigative bone in your body, do you? So strongheaded-- Just like your mother. ''[Rex is silent]'' No, you don't like that, do you-- That I know more about you than you do?
:'''Rex''': Skip the head games. Isn't exactly a good time.
:'''Van Kleiss''': No, but perhaps it is time for some truth. We may perish down here, Rex. Ask me anything you want about the past, and I'll answer it.
:'''Rex''': ''[looks at his own slowly fossilizing body]'' Sell it somewhere else. I'm not buying.
:''[walks away]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, so the great and powerful Providence has finally come through on their promise to help you remember your past.
:'''Rex''': Something better-- Someone who was actually there at the Nanite Event.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Aha. Your brother, Caesar.
:''[Van Kleiss chuckles evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've been following you both very closely since his... miraculous reappearance. Even if you don't want to hear what I have to say, this one's for free. Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': ''[creates his BFS and holds it at Van Kleiss' throat]'' What are you getting at?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, no, no. That's not how this works. It isn't my turn. Quid pro quo, Rex. If you want to know more-- Why don't we start with something simple? Rylander's Omega Nanite. I know it's inside you.
:'''White Knight''': Status uptade?
:'''Six''': Still no fix on Rex. Scanners can't cut through the storm, so we're moving in to stage a recon.
:'''White Knight''': I will not risk everyone on board that ship for one agent. Not even that agent.
:''[Holiday subtly ends the call. Then to Six]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Whoops. Guess the satellite feed went down. Nasty sand.
:''[Six smirks]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Caesar? Wanted you to know we haven’t found him yet.
:'''Caesar''': Found who?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex.
:'''Caesar''': Right. Ah. Sorry. That was, uh, fifteen minutes ago. I've done about five hundred task since then. Try calibrating the keep's sensors to search for traces of Selenium. It's something Rex naturally gives off, like dandruff.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I-- Really? Hmm. Okay, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss''': So what you're saying is, the motor runs off of gravity and the only exhausts are atoms of selenium.
:'''Rex''': Now you. Squid Pro... Whatever. The nanites, the Event. What started all this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': He didn't tell you? I'm not surprised. It was Caesar.
:''[Rex pushes Van Kleiss to nearest wall and take out his BFS once again]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Wasteful, Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're lying!
:'''Van Kleiss''': Hardly. Your brother is responsible for the most significant catastrophe in human history. You have to admit that as brilliant as Caesar is, he's... not quite right. Am I telling you something that you haven't already noticed?
:''[Rex groans]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': HAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss coughing]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': You seem to have awoken some sort of defense mechanism.
:'''Rex''': What are they defending? Rocks?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Before we're totally devoid of nanites, we need to end this now-- Together.
:'''Rex''': Back to back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': What?
:'''Rex''': Haven't you ever read a comic book? Back to back! No way. These markings-- They're not hieroglyphics. They're circuit boards. This whole cave, this valley-- It's one giant circuit board. These are data conduits-- Ms. Hubs!
:'''Van Kleiss''': You're right. These spirals are solid-state storage-- The standard design for a firewall in a CPU.
:'''Rex''': Did you just say I'm right? Now that I know what we're dealing with, it's a simple matter of-- Hacking in. This is malo-- Muy malo. Van Kleiss, meet the psycho computer who calls herself--
:'''Van Kleiss''': Zag-RS?
:'''Rex''': How do you know that? ''[Zag-RS notices them and attacks them]'' You know Zag-RS? How?
:'''Van Kleiss''': She was designed as a decontamination program at the original nanite laboratory. Her task was to destroy any rogue nanites that escaped from the holding tanks.
:'''Rex''': She did a great job. Whoever designed her should be taken out and beaten with a tendril.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Caesar designed her.
:'''Rex''': I'm gonna have to have a chat with my brother when this is over.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Focus, you fool. If we're to survive this, we have to use whatever nanites we have left to shut her down.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': No problemo! Ah, come on! Stay up! Show off!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Well, this bites.
:''[Rex straining]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Didn't I leave you in orbit? Shouldn't you have burned up in re-entry or something?
:'''Zag-RS''': Re-entry resulted in a hard desert landing. This unit faced complete system failure. Salvation came from integration with the host space station power cell, where new initiatives were established.
:'''Rex''': Turning the world into a sandbox?
:'''Zag-RS''': Correct. The prevention of organic infection by elimination of organic matter and securing the Earth core system. Soon, this world will function without flaw.
:'''Rex''': Van Kleiss! Change of plan! While, I've got Zaggy occupied, you go and warn Providence before it's too late!
:'''Van Kleiss''': There's no time. Her strength is growing exponentially. To achieve victory, you must trust me.
:'''Rex''': Trust you?! That's comedy gold! Even if I was that big of a doof, neither one of us had enough power to fight back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': That's not entirely true.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've not been completely honest with you.
:'''Rex''': Stunned-- Really.
:'''Van Kleiss''': The Omega Nanite within you has a self-replicating program. You can create your own nanites.
:'''Rex''': What?! Why didn't you tell me!
:'''Van Kleiss''': A calculated emission.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': No way.
:'''Van Kleiss''': There-- That is the heart of Zag-RS. Strike while you can!
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah! Now we're talking! Normally, I don't fight girls, but this time I'll make... A big... giant... robot exception!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I found him, Six-- twenty kilometers northeast. There's a huge spike in trace selenium.
:'''Six''': Charge all weapons.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The storm's starting to break. But please don't crash.
:'''Rex''': YAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': That's not fair! It worked in the movie!
:''[Rex whimpers]''
:''[Rex groaning]''
:'''Rex''': AAAH!
:'''Zag-RS''': You have miscalculated, human. The more nanites you replicate, the more energy you supply me. 7.5 seconds until I overtake your production.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Zag-RS''': 4.3 seconds.
:'''Van Kleiss''': AAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Rex''': YAAAAAAH! One psycho robot down, one supervillain to chicken! Finally!
:'''Bobo''': What, you never heard the term &quot;fashionably late&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Your nanite-replicating function seems to be working well. Most of Zag-RS' alterations have been expunged.
:'''Rex''': Meaning... What?
:'''Bobo''': You ain't gonna wash away at high tide.
:'''Caesar''': This is my design.
:'''Rex''': Great-- My brother created Zag-RS.
:'''Caesar''': Evidently. Though her evolution into some sort of sentient nanite-slayer is most curious.
:'''Six''': Curious?
:'''Rex''': What about what Van Kleiss said?
:'''Caesar''': You mean I'm to blame for the original nanite event? Why don't we ask her? Wait! Interface protocols. Code designate Zag-RS. Respond.
:'''Zag-RS''': Dr. Salazar. Good morning. How may I assist you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Stand down, gentlemen. Zag-RS has been successfully rebooted. But her memory has been wiped clean.
:'''Rex''': What? You got to be kidding me!
:'''Caesar''': That's interesting. Hmm. Van Kleiss must have implemented a program dump before he left you. It's the only logical conclusion.
:'''Rex''': Program dump?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': Great. So now all we've got is a lame decontamination program with a GPS lady's voice?
:'''Caesar''': GPS lady? Hardly.
:'''Rex:''' I was making a joke.
:'''Caesar''': Don't you recognize it? When I programmed her, I wanted a voice that meant safety, protection, caring. Rex, this is our mother's voice.
:'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' Mama?

===Night Falls===
: ''[Caesar's Pod Laboratory arrives at the town of Mexico City]''
: '''Rex:''' Are we there yet? ''[moving his legs and hugs his legs]'' All this futuristic technology and you never thought of adding a bathroom. ''[points at the monitor]'' City Hall! It must have a bathroom! Pull over-- Now! ''[Esteban writing some paperwork as the ground starts to rumble, He immediately ran outside looking at Caesar's research pod landing. The door opens and Rex finally made on solid ground.]'' Baño?
: ''[Esteban awkwardly points the bathroom]''
: ''[Rex runs]''
: ''[The elevator in Research pod went up and then down with Caesar]''
: '''Esteban:''' Caesar. ¿Eres tú?
: '''Caesar:''' ''[suspecting face]'' Esteban?
: '''Esteban:''' It's Mayor Esteban now.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Caesar:''' Mayor? When you ran for class president, Maria Rodriguez got all the votes.
: '''Esteban:''' She was smarter and much better-looking. And I see you're still building your crazy contraptions. What brings you back to town?
: '''Caesar:''' To visit Abuela. It's a surprise.
: '''Esteban:''' You don't want to go there. It's not the same as you remember.
: ''[Rex righs]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[runs to the research pod]'' Okay, bro, let's go! ''[Rex went up to the lab]''
: ''[Esteban chuckling]''
: '''Esteban:''' ''[looking at Rex]'' Is that little Cabeza de Trapo?
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Caesar:''' I haven't thought of that for years. ''[Caesar went up to the lab]''
: '''Rex:''' What?
: '''Caesar:''' No es nada, mijo. We'd better get going.
: '''Esteban:''' At least stay in town tonight. You can head up to abuela's in the morning.
: '''Caesar:''' It's been over five years, Esteban. We're not waiting another minute.
: ''[Door closes and Research pods departs]''
: '''Rex:''' If she's not really our grandmother, why are you calling her &quot;abuela&quot;?
: '''Caesar:''' There may not be a biological connection, but she practically raised the entire town. When you were a boy, you spent every summer here.
: ''[Rex stops and feels incomplete]''
: '''Rex:''' I wish I could remember her. Or any of this.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm sure she'll be excited to see you. Just prepare yourself for a lot of sloppy grandma kisses.
: ''[Caesar pats Rex's hair and keeps on moving]''
: ''[Rex knocks at the door, The door opens by Abuela]'' Abuela, it's me-- Caesar.
: ''[The Salazar brothers show themselves while Caesar holds a Bouquet of flowers]''
: '''Abuela:''' Caesar! And is that my Cabeza de Trapo?
: '''Rex:''' Why is everyone calling me that?
: '''Abuela:''' What are you doing here?
: '''Caesar:''' We've come to visit. May we come in?
: '''Abuela:''' ''[Looks at the sky for a brief moment]'' No! ''[slams the door]''
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we should have called first.
: ''[The Salazar brothers spend the night in the Research pod with Caesar sleeping at the floor and Rex sleeping on the table. Unintentionally the computer sets thte alarm causing Rex to wake up a bit.]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Ten more minutes, Six. [''covers his ears with his pillow]''
: ''[Caesar opens the door and looks down, Seeing Abuela holding breakfast]''
: '''Abuela:''' Who wants breakfast?
: ''[Rex immediately wakes up]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Yo!
: ''[Rex drops off the table]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Ouch!
: ''[After a few minutes, Rex picks up his breakfast]''
: '''Caesar:''' Abuela always was the best cook.
: '''Abuela:''' I have missed my niños. ''[Puts her hand on Rex's shoulder]'' Rex, I have been following your work with Providence, and I always knew you would be a big important scientist.
: '''Rex:''' So, why did you slam the door on us last night?
: '''Abuela:''' Oh, that. You just caught me off guard. We weren't expecting visitors.
: '''Rex:''' I thought you always--
: '''Caesar:''' Enough with the questions, little brother.
: '''Abuela:''' Let me look at you.
: ''[Abuela grabs Rex's face]'
: '''Rex:''' Mmph!
: '''Abuela:''' I can't believe how you have grown. Come, see-- The rest of the family.
: '''Rex:''' Does everyone in town live here?
: ''[Caesar chuckles]''
: '''Caesar:''' I remember evenings here, laughing, telling stories. And the food! Rex, if you thought breakfast was good, wait and see what abuela makes for dinner.
: '''Abuela:''' It is an old building. There are always repairs.
: '''Federico:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Huh?
: ''[Rex chuckles nervously]''
: '''Rex:''' Uh... What's up?
: '''Federico:''' It's me-- Federico. Have you forgotten the secret shake?
: '''Abuela:''' You and Federico were best friends when you were little.
: '''Caesar:''' Cabezas de trapo!
: '''Rex:''' Why do you keep calling me that?
: '''Caesar:''' You used to put underpants on your heads and act out Lucha Libre movies.
: '''Rex:''' Glad I don't remember that.
: '''Federico:''' Lucky you.
: '''Esteban:''' Abuela, I must speak to you.
: '''Abuela:''' Someone has forgotten his manners.
: '''Esteban:''' You can't just keep avoiding me. My phone has been ringing off the hook. The village is concerned about the recent activity.
: '''Abuela:''' Well, it shouldn't be. What goes on here is our own business.
: '''Esteban:''' Not when it leaves these walls. The situation is getting worse.
: '''Abuela:''' We've made the necessary corrections. It won't happen again.
: '''Esteban:''' You got one last chance to get out of town. Or I will evict you myself.
: '''Abuela:''' An old squabble. You don't need to worry.
: '''Caesar:''' What aren't you telling us, abuela?
: '''Abuela:''' Time to start making dinner.
: '''Rex:''' Dinner? We just had breakfast.
: ''[Caesar chuckles]''
: '''Caesar:''' Trust me. ''[Stands up with his glass]'' To family!
: '''Rex:''' Is it like this every night?
: '''Federico:''' Pretty much.
: ''[Rex chuckling]''
: ''[The kid kicks the ball high, Frederico stands up and catch the ball and dribbled. Rex was impress.]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey. You're pretty good. Everything about going pro?
: ''[Frederico drops the ball, awkward silence]''
: '''Federico:''' Not anymore.
: ''[Rex picks up the ball, kicks it. The ball lands on the table splashing the food all around, everyones laughting. The bell rings and everyone starts going away.]''
: '''Rex:''' Okay, maybe not my best move, but it wasn't that bad.
: '''Abuela:''' Come, children!
: ''[Caesar and Rex follows Abuela to their room]'' You'll sleep here.
: ''[Rex notices Frederico]''
: '''Federico:''' See you in the morning.
: ''[Frederico darkly walks into he's room. Rex enters in his. In the room Caesar's unpacking, Rex looks around. Suddently Abuela locks the door.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[to Caesar]'' Did she just lock us in? :''[Rex tries to open the door, fails]'' She just locked us in!
: '''Caesar:''' We need to respect our elders. I'm sure she had her reasons. ''[Rex walks to window, Caesar's trying the new bed.]'' Ooh! Bed's pretty comfy. Good night!
: '''Rex:''' But-- but... It's only 6:30!
: ''[Night, suddently a roar is heard. Rex and Caesar wakes up.]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Sure, that's not weird, either!
: ''[Mayor's office, the phone start's ringing.Esteban picks up.]''
: '''Esteban:''' Bueno. I'm glad you cloud return my call. I understand you can help me with my EVO problem.
: ''[Salazar's room. Rex and Ceasar already dressed.]''
: '''Rex:''' Frederico? That's his room behind here!
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: ''[Caesar pull's the door, they are still locked.]''
: '''Caesar:''' ''[to Rex]'' Can you break it down?
: '''Rex:''' How about respecting our elders?
: '''Caesar:''' Technically, I am your elder. Brake it down!                       
: '''Rex:''' I'll do one better! Hunh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Forms Smack hands and punches trought the wall, making a hole that reveals Frederico's room.]''
: '''Rex:''' This place is just full of surprises. Okay, fur face, if you ate my friend--
: '''Caesar:''' Rex! Wait!
: '''Abuela:''' There has been a breach! Where is Rex?
: '''Caesar:''' I suspect halfway down the hill by now. Abuela--
: '''Abuela:''' I know.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa-- Unh!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' AAAAH! Whoa! Unh! UAAAAGH! This is for Federico!
: '''Abuela:''' Rex! No! That is Federico!
: '''Federico:''' Are those your hands? Genial. I got out again, didn't I?
: '''Rex:''' So, you're like a were-EVO?
: '''Caesar:''' Lux Lucius Mutatio. Interesting.
: '''Abuela:''' Come-- We've got to get back to the house.
: '''Esteban:''' I told you this would happen! You can't control them anymore!
: '''Rex:''' It wasn't her. It was me. I let them out. I didn't know.
: '''Esteban:''' All these EVOs!
: '''Abuela:''' They're just boys.
: '''Esteban:''' Look at the destruction your boys caused! The people are tired of living in fear! You'll be leaving today!
: '''Rex:''' I'm sorry, abuela. I had no idea. And now you have to leave because of me.
: '''Abuela:''' I'm not going anywhere!
: '''Federico:''' We turn at sundown and then back at sunrise. It only happens to some of us.
: '''Caesar:''' I took samples from all of the affected family members. Everyone shares the same genetic code-- something similar to hypotrichosis.
: '''Rex:''' Hyper, huh?
: '''Caesar:''' Werewolf syndrome. The nanites triggered the dormant gene.
: '''Federico:''' Can you cure it?
: '''Rex:''' I can try. Strange. I don't feel anything. Do you?
: '''Federico:''' Thanks anyway.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm seeing no active nanite tracers whatsoever.
: '''Rex:''' Well, maybe it's because he's not an EVO form.
: '''Federico:''' I just want a normal life again. I don't want to have to leave my home.
: '''Caesar:''' Maybe there's a way you can have both.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry about the wall. Why didn't you tell us?
: '''Abuela:''' Because I didn't want Providence to know.
: '''Rex:''' But Providence can help.
: '''Abuela:''' By taking those afflicted away? No. Every night when the bell pulls, those that have the change are locked away safely. For years it has been this way and no one has been hurt.
: '''Rex:''' But-- You're prisoners in your own home.
: '''Abuela:''' You may see it that way, niño. But at least we are a family.
: '''Federico:''' You know-- Even though we got busted today, it was kind of fun to get out.
: '''Rex:''' Don't you ever feel cooped up in here?
: '''Federico:''' There is one thing I missed. Go-o-o-o-al!
: '''Rex:''' Why did you stop playing if you love it so much?
: '''Federico:''' One day during practice, I stayed late so some scouts could see me play. Sun went down, and, well... They made me quit the league after that. Still haven't replaced the go box.
: ''[Federico chuckles]''
: '''Federico:''' Is that Providence?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know who it is.
: '''Federico:''' We should probably get back. It's almost evening bell.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Rex.
: '''Federico:''' That guy just shot my ball!
: '''Rex:''' Oh, this is just perfect. Hunter Cane he has a thing for hunting down EVOs I already put him away once.
: '''Federico:''' So, what's he doing here?
: '''Rex:''' Guessing your mayor called him.
: '''Federico:''' No, I mean did, he break out or something?
: '''Rex:''' Don't know. Don't care.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Why am I not surprised? This one of them?
: '''Rex:''' Bringing this guy here was a bad move.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' For them? And I get to settle an old score while I'm at it. Lucky me.
: '''Rex:''' No-- Lucky me!
: '''Federico:''' Rex, we've gotta go.
: '''Rex:''' You don't have to worry. This guy has nothing to sweat.
: '''Federico:''' Now!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Well, what do we have here?
: ''[Hunter Cain grunts]''
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Esteban, my friend, I may not even charge you for this one.
: '''Rex:''' The mayor wasn't kidding. He sent an EVO hunter who likes to shoot first and skip the questions. We'll need every man, woman, and werewolf.
: '''Esteban:''' You were warned, abuela. You can live peacefully or we will bring you out.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I didn't come here for conversation.
: '''Esteban:''' But you said it would just be a show of force. We run them out of town. No one gets hurt.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I don't negotiate with EVOs or their families. If you don't like what you're about to see, you can head on down the hill.
: '''Rex:''' Why don't you join them, hunter?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I never back down from a fight.
: '''Rex:''' Neither do I. You bring your magic EVO bullets, or is this going to be a real fight?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Lucky for you, these are the old-fashioned kind. But they hurt just as bad.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, that is kind of annoying.
: '''Caesar:''' Just hours ago, there wasn't any nanite activity. But now, it's like night and day.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Caesar:''' That was my little pun. It seems the samples are reacting differently in the absence of sunlight. If I can only work out the photoreactive elements--
: '''Rex:''' I don't even think a cure will stop Hunter Cain. He'll never listen to reason.
: '''Caesar:''' I still gotta try. I think I can affect the change in the nanite programming during your nocturnal cycle. If I'm gonna cure this, I have to do it before sunrise.
: '''Rex:''' Not a Hunter gets to them first. I can keep doing this till you run out of ammo.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Fire on target!
: '''Rex:''' AAAAAAAH!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Note to self-- Don't give him any ideas. You have to let them out!
: '''Abuela:''' I made a promise to keep them safe from harm!
: '''Rex:''' Where they can't defend themselves? That's exactly what won't happen!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Grandma, step aside.
: '''Abuela:''' I stand with my family.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Have it your way. I'll take all of you down.
: '''Abuela:''' You obviously haven't met my family.
: '''Rex:''' Can't believe we're not related. So, what was your big jail break? Nail pile and a cake? Exploding smoke bomb?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Cold, hard cash. Not everyone at Providence is an EVO-lover.
: '''Caesar:''' Huh? Yes! Rex, we can reprogram the nanites to disregard the photoreactive coding of their DNA with a frequency-tuned pulse! That should allow you to cure them!
: '''Rex:''' Sounds great, but I've sort of got my hands full. Unh!
: '''Caesar:''' You mess with my brother, you mess with me.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Who are you? You an EVO?
: '''Caesar:''' No. I'm a scientist.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' AAAAH!
: '''Caesar:''' Your turn.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa-ho! Wait! I thought you said you had to zap their nanites.
: '''Caesar:''' In a manner of speaking. First, I zap you. Then, you have your nanites through do the rest.
: '''Rex:''' AAAH!
: '''Caesar:''' Too strong. I'll make an adjustment.
: '''Rex:''' Adjustment? How about you wait for me to say &quot;okay&quot; next time? You're still here?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' When I said I was out of the disintegrator ammo, I lied. One left, and it has your name on it.
: '''Rex:''' Federico, I'm not sure if you can understand me, but it might be time for the return of Las Cabezas de Trapo.
: '''Caesar:''' I think I've got the settings figured out.
: '''Rex:''' You think? AAAH!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Caesar:''' That's more like it.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Woozily]'' Okay. Let's give it a try. I'm not trying to hurt you.
: '''Abuela:''' Federico, mi corazoncito. Let him try.
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we have to wait for a sunrise. We- We made it worse. Now we stuck that way!
: '''Federico:''' It isn't him-- It's me. I can control it now!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Doesn't change a thing to me. He's still an EVO. I'm gonna finish the job I came here to do. I'll wipe out the whole compound if I have to.
: '''Abuela:''' There is no place for your kind of hatred here!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' You think I'm afraid of you?
: '''Rex:''' I think you should be.
: ''[Hunter Cain spits]''
: '''Rex:''' Hunter knows how to hold a grudge. He'll come back.
: '''Federico:''' And we'll be waiting.
: '''Rex:''' So, this mean you're gonna try out for the pros?
: '''Abuela:''' I think it's time we all go out and live our lives.
: '''Rex:''' La familia!
: '''Caesar:''' Cabezas de trapo!

===Hard Target===
: '''Rex:''' &quot;It's Breach! She's-&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Messing with you, Rex. Did you actually see on her the other side?&quot;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Well, no but...OK, why Hong Kong?&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Because it's on the other side of the world, because she's seriously messed up.&quot;
: '''Cricket:'''&quot; Kind of like our place.&quot; 
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Trust me. She's back in Abysus laughing it off with the rest of the Pack. Besides, I'm not that easy to find.&quot;
: (''Removes the white towel to reveal her shoulder-length black hair partly dyed a deep plum and having donned a dark gray overall dress'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;OK, Rex. Bad intro. Take a do-over. Like the new look.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Wow. A compliment.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;And that's when Circe goes all [[w:Siren (mythology)|siren]] and blasts the bus driver's pants clean off.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Lucky shot. Hit the exact frequency of polyester.&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;Good thing his boxers were cotton.&quot;
:'''Rex''' (''uncomfortable'')''':''' &quot;Good one. Uh, Circe, remember when you took down that sea monster in Cabo Luna?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Please, Rex, I'd rather not remember that right now.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' Geez, Rex. Buzzkill.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Stop it.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;What's with him?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Breach lag. Let clean over his bedtime.&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;That and my early morning snooze. By the way, you were right. Breach wasn't after you. She freed Quarry. Got this from the Providence security feed.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;Quarry?&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;He's lose?&quot;
:'''Cricket:''' &quot;Oh no.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;You saw Breach and came back ''here!'' What if she followed you!?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Don't worry. If Breach were here, I'd feel it. She's here.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Hey, girlfriend.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Get out of here, Breach!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;But Van Kleiss has so been wanting to chat.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Then deliver a message for him! &quot;
: (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on Breach, who creates a portal behind her, knocking her out with her own sonic abilities)''
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Let her go, Breach!!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Oh, sorry, Rex. She's gonna save my skin. V.K.'s tough on failure, remember?&quot;
: (''Teleports away with an unconscious Circe on her shoulder'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;NO!!&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Hold that thought. You can come out now. I got that creeped out feeling.&quot;
:'''Breach:''' &quot;Peek a boo.&quot;
: '''Skwydd:''' &quot;It's her!'' She took Circe.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' But not to Van Kleiss. You never went to Abysus, did you? You slipped her into your little pocket dimension. Let her go, Breach!
: '''Breach:''' And I agree to that...why?
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Because you wouldn't want Van Kleiss to see this. I'm thinking a trade is in order.&quot;
: (''Breach releases Circe, who is caught by Skwydd'')
: '''Circe:''' &quot;I hate you, Breach.&quot;

===A Family Holiday===
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The pace of study has been staggeringly slow. There have been no significant advancements in nanite research since the original event. Simply put, Providence is not doing enough. What is required is not a military response, but a serious, thoughtful reaction, a scientific answer. The poor and afflicted deserve more. The world, deserves more. Let me introduce Diane. Mother of three. Diane has been diagnosed as incurable, a lost cause. Since then, she's been treated like an animal, locked away from her family... No hope on the horizon. Until now. At Moses Labs, we don't rely on tanks, guns, or secret weapons-- Only an unwavering belief that whatever science breaks, science can fix. Welcome back, Diane.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Happy birthday, little sister.
:'''Rex:''' Hope that I paid the bills. This is going to be expensive.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Release the hounds.
:''[a door opens revealing some Evo hounds]''
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Heh! I thought that was just a figure of speech. You're a sick puppy.
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Not cool, bro!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[Spanish accent]'' Agua, por favor.
:'''Caesar:''' Water second, probes first.
:'''Rex:''' No offense, but being a guinea pig is a lot less fun when it's you instead of Holiday.
:'''Caesar:''' Don't I run the biometric tests with the same efficiency?
:'''Rex:''' How are we related? Have you looked at Holiday?
:'''Bobo Haha:''' She ain't my species and even I know she's a hottie.
:'''Caesar:''' She is... very smart.
:'''Rex:''' Where is the Doc anyway? She usually can't wait to get her hands on me.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Saw her this morning, looking pretty grim.
:'''Agent Six:''' It's her sister. Her sister's birthday to be precise. Holiday gets introspective this time of year.
:'''Caesar:''' Her sister? Oh, is she smart too?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hey guys. Can't talk. Hangar!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Ah, human dames. I don't know how you guys keep up.
:''[Dr. Holiday pants]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Thank you for coming, Dr. Moses. It's a genuine honor.
:'''Rex:''' Who the heck is that guy? Why is Holiday acting all fangirl around him?
:'''Caesar:''' It's Dr. Brandon Moses, the leading researcher in technogenic transmorphing! If anyone's going to develop a kill  for EVOs, it's going to be him!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Now, that's actin' fan-girl.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Not the worst I've seen.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you help her?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Beverly would be an excellent candidate for my treatments. Have her transported to my facility.
:'''Rex:''' Hold up! I know you have a bunch of letters after your name, but curing EVOs is what I do. Some of them--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Some you just can't handle, Rex. Dr. Moses' research goes to places you don't, so if you don't mind-- 10 minutes, then we'll be in the air. Thank you, doctor. I've earned 5 years' worth of personal time, Knight. I plan to use it all. 
:'''White Knight:''' I don't like it, but I like your sister even less. Go for your &quot;cure&quot;, Holiday. But if it doesn't work, don't bring her back.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Agent Six:''' What do you really know about Dr. Moses?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what I saw.
:'''Agent Six:''' You're not taking her to the doctor for a checkup. Has he handed you supporting data?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why won't you let me have this? It's the first glimmer of hope I've had since Rex got here.
:'''Agent Six''': I think you've lost your objectivity. If you can't help her--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's the point! I can't! I need this cure. If you won't help me, stay out of my way!
:'''Rex:''' Any chance she's right?
:'''Agent Six:''' Hope she is.
:'''Rex:''' But we're not going to sit around and do nothing in case she's wrong, right? Today you're my sidekick-- Not a fashion-challenged soccer mom blocking my mojo. If there's any chance of playing hero for Holiday, I call dibs.
:'''Security guard:''' Dr. Moses' inventions are not for public viewing-- Especially not by Providence.
:''[Security guard grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' That &quot;soccer mom&quot; comment really got to you, huh? When did science geeks start packing heat? Huh?
:'''Agent Six:''' Check the machine.
:'''Rex:''' I'm no engineer, but as far as I can tell, all this thing does is light up and go &quot;ping&quot;. They never cured it! This was a scam!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday's in trouble. Holiday, Moses is a fraud. There is no cure!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What's going on here? Moses, what is this?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Business, Dr. Holiday-- Big business. Now, if you wouldn't mind stepping aside so I can collect your sister--
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday?! What's happening?!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Or don't step aside. I'm good either way.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday! We've got our coordinates. Go!
:'''Rex:''' It's a hundred miles away!
:'''Agent Six:''' Correct.
:'''Rex:''' Hold on to your swords, old man!
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]:''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I trusted you!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' A bad trait, a scientist. But look on the bright side-- You won't be locked in a cell anymore. That was just... Shameful.
:'''Rex:''' Be the hero. Be the hero. Be the--
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ...Zero. You'll be a lot less grouchy in a few seconds, pal. Half cured? That's new.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They've got Beverly.
:'''Rex:''' You wanna talk to her?
:'''Agent Six:''' Now's not the time.
:'''Rex:''' And when exactly is. She needs a friend, Six.
:'''Agent Six:''' I... prefer to keep it professional. Keeps people from getting hurt.
:'''Rex:''' Dude. Take off the sunglasses. She's already hurting. If I were you--
:''[Six gets a radio signal]''
:'''Agent Six:''' If you were me, you'd have a lead. Get Holiday. Dust off in 3.
:'''Rex:''' Where are we going?
:'''Agent Six:''' Moses may be a genius but not because he can cure EVOs. He overpowers them-- Hypercharges the nanites with excess energy to push their transformations.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's why Rex only partially cured that EVO he stripped the EVO of its extra power. But at its core, it was still incurable.
:'''Rex:''' We learned something new today. Great.
:'''Agent Six:''' Gets worse. Moses has turned his tech into a cottage industry. He takes incurables and weaponizes them to sell to the highest bidder.
:'''Rex:''' Don't sugarcoat it, Six.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you find this out?
:'''Agent Six:''' I called some former associates-- People who know things, things that good people shouldn't know about.
:'''White Knight:''' Question-- Why is my keep on an unapproved mission?
:'''Rex:''' It's cool, Knight. We're helping Holiday.
:'''White Knight:''' No! We had a deal! Return to base immediately!
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's over guys. I can't drag you down because of my mistake. I won't.
:'''Agent Six:''' Keep returning to base.
:''[Knight ends the transmission]''
:'''Agent Six:''' I said the keep is returning to base. I didn't say we'd be on the keep.
:'''Rex:''' You okay?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hanging in there.
:'''Rex:''' Hanging in there is good. I don't like to see you unhappy, you know. I-I mean--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what you mean. Thanks.
:'''Agent Six:''' Better luck next time.
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Jealous much, sidekick?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Who is that?
:'''Rex:''' Someone who knows things good people shouldn't.
:'''Five:''' Machine boy! Like the new ax? You owe me for the last one.
:'''Agent Six:''' We'll talk music later, Five. You have word on Moses?
:'''Five:''' Five don't lie. Your guy is running an auction-- Tonight.
:'''Agent Six:''' I owe you.
:'''Five:''' She's a lot more beautiful than you let on, Six. Try not to screw it up this time.
:'''Agent Six:''' You coming?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The EVO is the military ordinance of the future. We all know it. You drop one of these babies into your neighbor's backyard, and it's game over. But to get the most annihilation out of your nanites... you need me.
:'''Human EVO:''' You promised to cure!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' My technology not only amps up their abilities, but, for an extra charge, will modify their behavior to suit your needs. What am I bid for this army of one?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Bursting in]'' I'll open with extradition for crimes against humanity!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to his bidders]'' Wait! This is just a minor disturbance.
:''[Moses groans]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to Holiday]'' Do you know what you just cost me, all for one hopless wreck?!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday hits Moses]'' Her name is Beverly.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Then give sissy a hug.
:'''Dr Holiday:''' No! Don't hurt her, Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, sure. Handle with care. Whoa! Can you tell her that, too?
:'''Agent Six:''' Going nowhere?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Uh, let's not be ''[chuckling]'' rash.
:''[Holiday slaps Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I'm gonna have to get you a dictionary. Rash will not help anyone, especially not Beverly.
:''[Holiday grabs Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Who can still be cured.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday drops Moses]'' What?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Brandishing his swords]'' No games. Truth or dead.
:'''Rex:''' Fight still going! Need assistance! Big time! Whoa!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I did invent a machine that de-powered nanites, almost. But the bonds and nanite particles were too strong to break. Instead, I discovered that I could reverse the polarity to its maximum, overpowering the nanites. It's easier and-- Profitable.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But you did isolate the bonds? So, you can break them!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Ugh! Unh! Okay, I called hero, but I need some extra kick for my sidekick! Unh! Seriously!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Time to earn a return on my investments! Kill them all!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! 
:'''White Knight:''' I won't even bother telling you the trouble you're in. Catch those other EVOs and report to my office the moment you're back.
:'''Rex:''' What other EVO-O-O-O-Os?
:''[Rex turns around and notices the EVOs behind him]''
:'''Rex:''' Ooos?
:'''Rex:''' Think they got it?
:'''Agent Six:''' They'd better. We're busy.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Okay. That's the flux transponder. That's the nanite energizer. Don't you explode on me-- Not now. Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I'll hand the one crazed sister. You take the other. It'll be like a double date. Don't bother... your sister... while she's working!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I can see what he did, but... uh... there's no time! I can't-- I can't help her! It's over.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday-- Rebecca-- You are the strongest, smartest woman I have ever met, and the most stubborn.
:''[Six removes his glasses and looks her in the eyes]''
:'''Agent Six:''' You never give up. If there's a way to help your sister, find it-- now!
:''[Slight pause. Holiday smiles and puts Six's glasses back on his face then leaves]''
:'''Agent Six:''' That's my girl. New plan. Corral her to the machine.
:'''Rex:''' Plans are good! Yah! What you got, Doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Moses was right. The polarity of the nanite energizer is wrong! I have to amplify and reverse it. But I don't have-- Six... Your magna blades-- But it would be too dangerous. Six!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six!
:'''Agent Six:''' Is it working?
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's working.
:'''Rex:''' Six, get out of there!
:'''Agent Six:''' You called hero on this one, Rex! Finish it-- For her! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Get them out, Rex-- Both of them-- Now!
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Doc! You gotta see this!
:''[Dr. Holiday panting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[as she's trying to revive Six]'' Don't you do this to me! I will hate you forever if you--
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:''[Six coughs]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rebecca?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Beverly!
:'''Rex:''' That was... I'm... Wow! Six, I've never said it before and I'll probably never say it again, but... I'm honored to be your partner.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Mushy stuff? Oh! Glad I missed it.
:'''Rex:''' But don't ever do anything like that again.
:'''Agent Six:''' Agreed. But you have to admit though... It was worth it.
:''[Dr. Holiday and Beverly laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' We're not running a boarding house here. No more relatives.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need her for a few more tests, sir. She was only 13 when she went Evo, and she's in a fragile state.
:'''Beverly:''' Woo Hoo!
:''[Beverly laughing]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rex just took me on a ride through the Zoo on his cycle.
:'''White Knight:''' &quot;Fragile.&quot; Right.
:'''Rex:''' We're going to the mall.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you asking permission?
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm asking if we can have some money. Providence pays me nada.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can I have a word with you?
:'''Agent Six:''' Sure this is a good idea? Could ruin your hero status with Holiday.
:'''Rex:''' It's funny. After meeting Bev, out of nowhere, it hit me that Doc Holiday is just a little too old for me. So, since I'm out of the way, I guess there's nothing stopping you anymore, huh, &quot;hero&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Well... right. I guess... I'll set up those tests.
:''[Holiday starts to walk past Six. Six takes a hold of her hand]''
:'''Agent Six:''' Or... we could get some dinner.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Outside? In the real world? Like real people? Like a--
:'''Agent Six:''' Yes. Like a date.
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's about time.

===Hong Kong Nights===

===Whispers in the Dark===
===Cutting It Close===

===Exposed===
:'''White Knight''': All Providence personnel, this is a priority-one alert.
:'''Agent Six''': Do not panic. Remember your training.
:'''White Knight''': In all my years of working at Providence, never have I been put in such a situation. These interlopes could be anywhere at any given moment.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, what's all the-- Whoa! Sorry. We're late.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You can't prove a thing!
:'''White Knight''': Watch what you say. Watch what you do. The very future of Providence may depend upon it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, what's going on? Van Kleiss attack in the HQ again?
:'''Agent Six''': Worse.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions. And to find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aah.
:'''Diane Farrah''': All your questions are about to be answered. Welcome to Providence Exposed! ''[Camera closes-up on her face]'' On Ultimate Exposure! And cut. Great into, guys. Okay, moving on.
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is cool.
:'''Agent Six''': This is wrong.
:'''Rex Salazar''': How's my hair?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Delicious.
:'''White Knight''': Ladies and gentlemen, the delightful Miss Farrah and her crew have used the Freedom of Information Act to force.
:''[White Knight clears his throat]''
:'''White Knight''': To allow them access to a day in the life of Providence. And to ensure you are afforded the very best Providence has to offer, I'm assigning our top man as your personal guide.
:''[Rex moves towards the news team]''
:'''White Knight''': Six, please show Miss Farrah whatever she wants to see.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name. On behalf of Providence, I'd like to welcome you to our facility.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Spare me the small talk. I'm here to ask the tough questions, and I expect truthful answers.
:'''Agent Six''': Shoot.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So.. is there a Mrs. Six?
:''[Combs her hair]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Smooth.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Like you'd have done better.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Are you kidding? They want exposed. I'm going to give that reporter a piece of my mind and a few other pieces while I'm at it. I got stories that'll make them run screaming for the hills.
:''[Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''Agent Six''': If you'll follow me, I'll be happy to show you one of our nanite research labs up close and personal. EVO control is our primary area of concentration, but Providence is focused on a great many studies. Each employing the best and the brightest our planet has to offer.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Thanks, Six. You know, this is my brother's lab. He's only like the smartest guy in the entire world. Yeah, being the best at what we do totally runs in our family.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time.
:'''Agent Six''': That experiment is highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, how did you become a Providence agent?
:'''Agent Six''': That's also highly sensitive.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Amazing story though about how I became a Providence agent. See, there was this big accident.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Good morning. My name is Dr. Rebecca Holiday, And I'm the chief research officer for the Providence Laboratory Facilities - specializing in the study of evology. Providence's number one priority is the security of our planet. And through the studying and understanding the forces that threaten us--
:'''Diane Farrah''': Let's cut to the chase, shall we, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, um, okay.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How do you balance the threat of EVOs, the constant danger... with being a woman?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Uh.
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs nervously]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, excuse me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Speaking of studying, check this out. You can edit that, right?
:'''Diane Farrah''': We're all about the editing.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, maybe you could show these journalists some of your other duties, like what you're supposed to be doing right now, for instance.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, man. That's right. Come on. You're going to love this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': EVOs come from far and wide for a chance to be cured by this young man. How often do you do this?
:'''Rex Salazar''': At least once a week here at HQ. When I'm in other parts of the county or the world, Providence sets up a mobile cure station. There are a lot of people out there who need my help. I only wish I could get to them all. Wait. Um, let my try again. ''[after Rex can't cure an EVO]'' Shut it off.
:'''Diane Farrah''': But this is really good drama, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I asked to be on TV. They didn't. Please give these people their privacy.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Come on, buddy. Everybody has an off day.
:'''Rex Salazar''': In front of millions of viewers? So much for everyone's favorite Providence man of mystery.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Well, they're just lucky they haven't had the camera on me yet. Oh man, talk about Ultimate Exposure. When I get through with them--
:'''Rex Salazar''': I just wish I could look cool on camera somehow.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Phbt! Good luck. The only way that's going to happen now is if some experimental EVOs busted out of their cages and went on a rampage so you could round them up and look like a hero.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Providence isn't known for being forthcoming with information. I hope this interview will change that. The people want answers and I fully expect them from you.
:'''White Knight''': Very well. What do you want to know?
:'''Diane Farrah''': For starters, how do you get fresh milk without any nanites in it?
:'''White Knight''': If you must know, it's passed through a powerful magnet that removes and neutralizes any nanite activity.
:'''Agent Six''': Observe.
:''[White Knight smacks lips]''
:'''White Knight''': Anything else?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not at the moment, but I'll be back.
:'''White Knight''': I look forward to it.
:''[White Knight sips]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, what do you think about White Knight's obsession with staying nanite-free at the expense of human contact?
:'''Agent Six''': He's a man of many mysteries.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Look out! Coming through! Dangerous escaped EVOs on the loose! Stand back! Let a professional handle this!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Follow him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yeah, I'm kind of awesome.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Did you get them all?
:'''Rex Salazar''': How many did you release?
:'''Bobo Haha''': I don't know, three or four.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, which was it? Three or four?
:''[Rex Salazar gasps]''
:'''Agent Six''': Well then. Now that Rex's little demonstration is over, how about a visit to the Providence gift shop? On me.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How long has Providence had a gift shop?
:'''Agent Six''': Since 8:00 A.M. You want to tell me how a class by EVO got out of its electromagnetically-sealed container and just happened to cross paths with our tour?
:'''Rex Salazar''': It's not like this kind of thing doesn't happen here all the time. I just wanted it to happen this time, in front of the camera, all right?
:'''Agent Six''': Not all right. That last EVO-- You just helped it molt so it could grow. Its body is still out there somewhere, getting bigger.
:'''White Knight''': Providence is run like a finely tuned machine. Until you decide to throw a monkey wrench into the works.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Hey, pal, let's leave the comedy to me.
:'''White Knight''': And how is it exactly that these EVOs got out?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Okay, Mea Culpa. I may have accidentally knocked open a cage or two-- Or four.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': That fourth cage was electromagnetically sealed.
:'''Bobo Haha''': I didn't say it was easy.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The EVO we had contained in there feeds on electricity. It must be kept away from any electrical current.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then it sure is a good thing this whole place isn't full of electricity. Oh, wait.
:'''White Knight''': Find it. Subdue it. And most importantly, don't let that camera crew see it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Eh, were wastin' time hunting this thing down when I could be on camera right now, giving those people a piece of my mind.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, I only saw the EVOs empty husk before. What's the real thing look like anyway? Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': That.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Any suggestions?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Can you make a soccer net?
:''[Rex Salazar and Bobo Haha grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aha! Got you cornered now. There's no way out. You're overpowered.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You were saying?
:'''Agent Six''': You wanted to interview me. Now's your chance. Go.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Um... okay. Tell me, Six-- May I call you Six?-- What is the real truth behind the nanite event that created the EVOs?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': What is your role, if any, in that event?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified, too.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Are you always this talkative?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait. Let me do that again. You didn't get my good side. Which is my good side?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Your backside.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, you promised you were taking us to the heart of the operation.
:'''Agent Six''': Right. The heart of the operation. This way.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': [Watching from a monitor] It went right.
:''[Rex goes to his right. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Camera right!
:''[Rex goes to the camera's right]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': How can you miss it now? It's six feet in diameter and weighs five hundred pounds!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Less criticizing, more helping!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Try to steer it in the direction of Hallway twelve. We can isolate it in the atrium.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, we've got it contained there now.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No, sorry. I was reading that backwards. Hallway twenty one.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, Hallway twenty one leads to the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, so, no big deal. That's a cold-fission reactor, not electric, right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, all electricity is converted from something-- Wind, solar, hydro-- At the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ohh.
:''[Providence Agent screams]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh-hoh.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, listen carefully and do exactly as I say because we're only going to get one shot at this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': One shot at what, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The... future. Providence is the future. The future used to be the space program. Now the future is Providence and the science of EVOs.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Doc? Are you still there? We have a situation.
:'''Agent Six''': Just a minor downgrade of power during a routine relay check. Nothing to worry about.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Guys, I could really use some advice right about now!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''White Knight''': Attention all Providence Personnel, we have a Level-One Priority...
:''[Realizes the reporters are present]''
:'''White Knight''': Drill. Repeat-- This is our daily drill in the Central Core-- Now.
:'''Agent Six''': Lunch bell. It's taco day. Anyone hungry?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, while we appreciate the commemorative spoons and the tacos, I can't help but think that you've been hiding something from our viewers.
:'''Agent Six''': Not at all, ma'am. Providence is an open book.
:''[Rex Salazar screams]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Cut! You're ruining the shot, Rex. Just be patient. I will get to you-- I promise.
:''[Rex Salazar groans]''
:'''Agent Six''': Get down.
:''[Diane Farrah gasps]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': That was... what you did.
:'''Agent Six''': Just doing my job, ma'am.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I'm just doing mine!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': You're not going anywhere now, buddy, except back to your-- Cage?
:'''White Knight''': We hope that you and the Ultimate Exposure team are enjoying our EVO containment demonstration, Miss Farrah. All part of readiness training here at Providence.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Can I quote you on that?
:'''White Knight''': Miss Farah, I'm not gonna stop you from filming, but for your own safety and the safety of your crew, please step back and let my people do what they do best. Alpha Team, I need a containment of the cafeteria, cube formation. Fire! Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm on it.
:'''Agent Six''': Stay here. This is the real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not on your life. Find an elevator. We're missing it.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Still not a good ti-i-i-i-i-me!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, big boy. No more crawl spaces. No more Hallways. Just you and me in a big, old hangar bay mano y mano.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': ''[after Rex has been repeatedly beaten back by the Evo]'' Looks like you showed him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Are you going to talk, or are you going to help?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Talk. Kidding! I'm helping! I'm helping!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar sighs]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Please tell me you're getting all of this.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Providence's man of mystery strikes again. Ow! It-- it bit me!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Quick, grab some B-roll footage before they get rid of all the evidence.
:'''Rex Salazar''': You did see that I did all the heavy lifting and Six just took out the trash, right?
:'''Diane Farah''': Don't worry. The camera never lies.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yes!
:'''Bobo Haha''': Good! Then get a load of this!
:'''Diane Farah''': Do you have something to say?
:''[Camera zooms in on Bobo]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Oh... oh.
:''[Bobo mutters then passes out]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': I think we have everything we need.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't know how you guys came off looking, but yours truly rocked hard. Just call me Providence's Man of Mystery from now on. Oh, yeah! Stardom starts in five, four, three, two--
:'''Diane Farrah''': I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions.
:'''Rex Salazar''': We are so dead.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Nice knowing you, kid.
:'''Diane Farrah''': To find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name.
:'''Rex Salazar''': They did it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': They did.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': This is a news show? What is the world coming to?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Look out, ladies. Agent Six is the full package -- brains, brawn, and--
:'''Agent Six''': Highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Just what is he hiding behind those alluring, dark glasses of his?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the Providence agent you women wanted to get to know.
:'''Agent Six''': Up close and personal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': That's right, girls.
:'''Agent Six''': He's The real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And he's known throughout Providence as--
:'''Agent Six''': The heart of the operation.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the organization's best-kept secret, the ultimate agent, and--
:'''Agent Six''': The man of many mysteries.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And, yes, ladies, he is single -- or is he?
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Excuse me.
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex and Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''White Knight''': Well, that's a relief.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[after the story airs]'' So, man of mystery, what's it like being a big star adored by women everywhere?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.

===Touch and Go===
===The Siren's Lament===
* Flashbacks as to how Circe came to work for Van Kleiss.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Grounded===
===Six Minus Six===
===In Dreams===

===Lions and Lambs===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Providence agents are standing in an industrial area, fingers on triggers. Rex flies in on jet pack and lands beside all the agents.]''
:'''Rex:''' Any sign? ''[Rex notices agents shaking in fear.]'' Alright then, who’s up for a burger, anyone? Tough crowd.
:''[Six walks up.]''
:'''Six:'''	These agents seem nervous. Haven’t they dealt with this situation before?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, that's kind of the problem.
:''[Rex twitches, as if he is feeling Breach's presence.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Here she comes.
:''[Breach appears in front of them. They fire at her. She sends their missiles and agents away with red portals.]''
:'''Six:'''	How do we stop her?
:'''Rex:'''	''[Smack Hands.]'' Hit hard and keep clear of anything that glows.
:''[Breach has a collar around her neck like the one Van Kleiss wears, and a device on her chest like his only much larger and shackles are around her giant hands which look like Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical wrist. She opens a red portal. A giant jellyfish-like thing flies out at Six, then a large creature with a horn on its nose runs out. Rex jumps at Breach, she portals out, returns and the device on her chest starts sparking.]''
:'''Rex:'''	What's with the new toy, Breach?
:'''Breach:'''	''[Glares]'' Wouldn’t you like to know?
:''[T-Rex appears through a gold colored portal, sniffs Rex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Seriously, where do you find these things? Let's see what you started out as, big guy. ''[Tries to cure.] Six? This... this isn't an EVO!'' It's an actual T-Rex! ...Six?
:''[Rex runs from T-Rex.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Have fun. ''[Leaves through red portal.]''
:''[Rex hides behind light pole, T-Rex pulls pole from ground, Rex falls to the ground.]''
:'''Six:'''	I take it this sort of thing doesn't happen all the time?
:'''Rex:''' Try never? This is all kinds of wrong.
:''[Rex makes BFS, runs at T-Rex; Six runs at T-Rex, jumps on and stabs it in back.]''
:'''Holiday:'''	Is that what I think it is?
:'''Six:''' You mean about to be extinct?
:'''Holiday:''' If you destroy the scientific find of a lifetime, it won’t be the only thing.
:'''Rex:'''	It's trying to eat us.
:'''Six:'''	You heard the lady. Take it down soft.
:'''Rex:'''	Easy for you to say.
:''[Rex lies on the ground holding the jaws open with Smack Hands and it slobbers on him.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Video of T-Rex in confinement field. The T-Rex turns to dust.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Breach is powerful enough as it is, and now you're telling me she can travel through time?
:'''Holiday:'''	However she's doing it, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. That dinosaur reverted to its actual age about less than two hours after arrival.
:'''Caesar:'''	Photo and deep scan analysis reveals some very interesting technology at work here. Van Kleiss has really stepped up his game.
:'''White Knight:''' Skip the fan talk. How do we stop it?
:'''Caesar:'''	Until I get my hands on the device, I'm not certain we can.
:'''White Knight:''' We have to bring her to our side.
:'''Rex:'''	The only way she's coming here is if she does it willingly.
:'''White Knight:''' How do you propose we persuade her?
:'''Rex:'''	With me. ''[Six and Holiday stare at him skeptically.]'' I can be very convincing. Okay, okay. I think she might still have a thing for me.
:'''Bobo:''' Atta boy, work it on the crazy chick.
:'''White Knight:''' I don't care how we do it as long as we get results. Providence is under the microscope. It is the worst time for Van Kleiss to gain the upper hand. Get to it. Bring her in.
:''[Six and Holiday walking out of the room together down the hall.]''
:'''Six:''' ''[To Holiday.]'' I need a word. Something's wrong with White.
:'''Holiday:'''	Oh. That. He’s always like this, Six.
:'''Six:'''	No. This is different. I know when something is bothering him. The secret meetings, the anxiety. He’s up to something.
:'''Holiday:'''	I'll see what I can find out.
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Rex on hoverboard, in Providence stealth suit.]''
:'''Rex:'''	WHOO-HOO! Works pretty good. After all, I built it. ''[Loses control of board for a moment.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Van Kleiss's castle, Rex hiding by entrance.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Going in. ''[Pulls up stealth mask, disappears partly, runs past guard.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Breach is hooked up to a large machine. Van Kleiss stands before her with a huge bank of controls and displays, spooky dark lighting. She screams.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' This is unacceptable, Breach. I need you to concentrate.
:'''Breach:''' It hurts.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Think of what I'm trying to achieve here. I cannot fail.
:''[Breach screams in agony and collapses.]''
:''[Rex looks down horrified, Van Kleiss grins, Breach screams and falls down.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'll return when it recharges and we'll start again.
:''[Rex holds his hand out to her.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why do you let him do this to you?
:'''Breach:''' Glory.
:'''Rex:'''	Van Kleiss's glory. Is he even noticing how you're tearing yourself apart for him? Have you ever heard him say thank you? What do you say we blow this joint, you and me? He's hurting you.
:'''Breach:'''	It's not real. It can't hurt you if it isn't real.
:'''Rex:'''	Breach, look at me. It is. I'm real, all of this is real. You don't have to live this way.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why am I not surprised. Rex has come to rescue another of my lost sheep. Perhaps he'll try to save you next, Biowulf.
:'''Rex:'''	That depends. Is he housebroken yet?
:'''Biowulf:'''	I am no traitor.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You’ve no doubt seen our little experiment. Breach shows great promise. She just needs a little fine tuning.
:'''Rex:'''	Then what? Go back in time and be king of the cavemen?
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why not? It wouldn’t be much of a step down, now would it? Breach, if you would, remove our guest so we can continue. Practice makes perfect, or in your case, acceptable.
:''[Breach makes a red portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach! Think about what you're doing.
:''[Van Kleiss grins, she runs and puts her arms around Rex, portals out with Rex.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find her. Now.
:''[Mountains, snow, Rex shivering.]''
:'''Rex:'''	I'm glad you got us out of there, but where... are we?
:'''Breach:'''	When the snow is gone you can see forever.
:'''Rex:''' That's nice. Can we go now?
:'''Breach:''' I need to know if I can trust you.
:'''Rex:'''	You can trust me. I swear.
:''[Breach grabs his hand and hugs him. He opens his eyes. They are standing on a shiny endless reflective surface, reflecting stars.]''
:'''Rex:'''	This is different.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you see it?
:'''Rex:'''	Um--
:'''Breach:'''	This is where the stillness comes from.
:'''Rex:'''	You. Are weird. So what exactly does this mean? Are you coming with me or is this some kind of test?
:'''Breach:'''	I need you to see it.
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... A test.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you wanna understand?
:'''Rex:'''	Not exactly sure. ''[She glares, he waves his hands in front of him.]'' Yes, I mean yes. I mean--
:'''Breach:''' Follow me. ''[Walks through red portal.]''
:''[Another place. A door, a doll, a bear and a fire hydrant float in space.]''
:''[Rex hanging upside down, she is holding him by his ankle above a swirling pink vortex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ahh! What happened? I thought we were getting along fine!
:'''Breach:'''	Why are you here?
:'''Rex:''' Good question. Where exactly is here? Can we go somewhere else now, somewhere like, on Earth?
:''[She drops him. He screams and lands on the floor between some stacks of books.]''
:'''Rex:''' You sure know how to pick'em. What kind of tripped out dimension is this? ''[Librarian walks by and shushes him.]'' Oh. College.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[On communicator in Rex's right ear.]'' Rex, report. Where on earth have you been?
:'''Rex:'''	Apparently every place but.
:'''White Knight:''' I need to know you can handle this otherwise we're going to try a different approach.
:'''Rex:'''	You need to chill out, White. I’m making progress. ''[Rex puts his hand to his left ear.]'' Dr. Holiday, are you there?
:'''Holiday:'''	Tracking shows you’re with Breach. Are you okay?
:'''Rex:'''	Fine? Creeped out but fine. I can't bring Breach back to Providence, White would just lock her up and that won't help.
:'''Holiday:'''	Where will you take her?
:'''Rex:'''	I'll think of something. Just keep White Knight off my case.
:''[Breach appears behind him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why don't you let me pick out where we go next?
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[White Knight hands folded moving nervously.]''
:'''White Knight:''' He says he's making progress.
:'''Black Knight:''' The committee is losing confidence. They want results, not excuses.
:'''White Knight:''' Then that's exactly what they’ll get.
:''[Scene change. Rex sits across from Breach in a booth at a bowling alley.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Soooo, don't like bowling, huh? I figured with the extra arms you'd be a natural.
:'''Breach:'''	I'm not supposed to like you, but I do.
:'''Rex:''' ''[smiles]'' We're teenagers. At least assuming you are. Doing what we are not supposed to is part of the job. French fry?
:''[She takes it and then drops it.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Do you remember anything? From before you... changed?
:'''Breach:'''	I remember everything. And nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Naturally. Why did I even bother to ask. Listen, Breach. I'm not going to pretend I understand you, ''[Puts his hand on her giant hand]'' but I can help. If you let me.
:''[The machine starts to glow, they jump to their feet, other people look startled.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nothing to worry about. Everything's fine.
:'''Breach:'''	I can't, I can't stop it.
:'''Rex:'''	Let me try. ''[He tries and it knocks him onto the floor sparking.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss has control. They're coming.
:''[Van Kleiss busts through the door with The Pack following. Raises bio-mechanical hand, palm of it glows, device on Breach's chest turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Okay, do your thing. Get us out of here. Anywhere.
:''[she tries]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You can't take what doesn't belong to you.
:'''Rex:'''	I didn't take you for the jealous type. ''[Rex shoots bowling balls at Van Kleiss with his cannon, hits Biowulf and Skalamander in the face and Van Kleiss punches the balls aside with his bio-mechanical hand.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach, let's go!
:''[Breach rides off with Rex on hoverboard, Van Kleiss and Pack follow on three flying fish EVO's with harnesses and big teeth. They dodge and crash Van Kleiss into a window, and land in a park.]''
:''[Breach and Rex stand together on a footbridge looking down into the water.]''
:'''Breach:''' ''[Walks to bridge and looks at her reflection, Rex follows.]'' Will they hurt me?
:'''Rex:'''	Providence? Not if I can help it.
:'''Breach:'''	They did before. Ms. Smarty Pants—she likes to hurt me.
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you my word, if you come back to Providence, I promise no one will hurt you.
:'''Breach:'''	We can be together forever and ever. ''[She walks off bridge, ducks swimming in water.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh... something like that. What am I getting myself into? We gotta move. I bet my brother has already figured out how to turn that thing of yours off.
:''[The ducks fly off, they look and see a reflection in the pond of White Knight's ship.]''
:''[White Knight walks up followed by Providence fighter planes.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh guys, what are you doing?!
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't have something done right, do it yourself.
:''[They shoot at Breach, she screams, Rex is horrified.]''
:'''Rex:''' No! No! No! ''[walks up bridge to White Knight]'' Do have any idea what you just did?
:''[Breach's chest device turns on, she screams, Providence shoots at her.]''
:'''Rex:''' Is this what you wanted? Congratulations! ''[runs to Breach]'' Breach! Wait!
:'''Breach:''' Liar! ''[Throws red portal at Rex, he dodges, second one hits him, he disappears. Providence keeps shooting, she throw portals, drops three soldiers in water.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Agent Six!
:''[He jumps at her, she portals him away to behind Knight. Rex jumps from the water onto the bridge by Knight.]''
:'''Rex:'''	You had no intention to bring her in, did you?
:'''White Knight:''' I wanted to believe you, Rex, but this is too important. She can't be controlled.
:'''Rex:''' Control... Her powers are back on. Van Kleiss.
:''[Van Kleiss arrives on flying fish EVO.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Settle down, Breach.
:''[Chest device turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Let me do this. I can get through to her. Come on. It couldn't get any worse than you've already made it
:''[Knight and Six look at each other.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Form a perimeter around Breach. Van Kleiss isn't to touch her.
:''[A rock wall rises from the ground blocking Rex as he runs towards Breach. The Pack jumps down from wall to attack Rex, Six intervenes. Agents surround Breach, she tries and fails to make red portal. Screams. Van Kleiss flies in on fish, knocks down agents with bio-mechanical whip arm, shoots needles from fingers and knocks more down, fish knocks the rest down. White Knight shoots at Van Kleiss.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' If you had any idea what I was trying to do you might even welcome it.
:'''White Knight:''' Enlighten me.
:''[Van Kleiss touches a tree and it turns into an EVO. EVO tree catches and holds White. Six and Biowulf fight, Rex and Skalamander fight.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Enlighten you?
:''[Sticks his claws in White Knight, glowing White Knight screams.]'' All in good time, White Knight, assuming you have some left.
:''[Six throws a magnablade through Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical arm and he lets go of White.]''
:'''Six:'''	''[to White Knight]'' Go. I mean it. ''[White Knight flies off.]''
:'''Six:''' The name's Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	We've met.
:'''Six:'''	Don't remember. ''[They fight.]''
:''[Breach on merry-go-round, turning slowly looking at the sky.
:'''Rex:'''	You're just using her.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Of course I am. She knows it. Spare me the chivalry, Rex. Providence would do the same.
:'''Rex:'''	Either way you slice it, she loses!
:'''Breach:''' ''[to herself]'' My two favorites. You both lie. Neither is real.
:'''Rex:''' ''[goes to her]'' Breach, I'm sorry. I meant what I said.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Words mean nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Then let this do the talking. ''[Turns on her machine, puts it into her power.]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You just handed her a loaded gun.
:'''Rex:'''	And now it's her choice how to use it.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Oh if only I had the chance to get through to you, Rex, to teach you how the world really works.
:''[Breach steps in front of Van Kleiss, raises her arms as if to send Rex away. Makes huge yellow portal above them.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Our very first time traveler. You should be honored. Now Breach, if you wouldn't mind.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:''[Rex closes his eyes. Breach sends Van Kleiss away with yellow portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' That was... unexpected.
:''[Rex tries to turn machine off but fails.]''
:'''Rex:'''	It won't turn off. I'm sorry. I, I didn't know.
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss made it like this so I wouldn't send him away.
:'''Rex:'''	That didn't work out so well did it? Six, get everyone out of here now! ''[A big yellow dome forms around the playground where Rex and Breach stand.]''
:'''Rex:'''	So, what's going to happen?
:''[Rex and Breach are about to be engulfed by Breach's out of control time portal]''
:'''Breach''': ''[she looks up]'' I don't know if any of this was real. But it was nice having a friend for a while. ''[Rex smiles, Breach hugs him as they dispensary in the golden time portal]''
:'''Rex:''' I didn't get blown up. ''[Sees a lizard.]'' Whoa! ''[Jumps away, startled.]'' Oh no, please don't let this be dino time. ''[Touches earpiece in left ear.]'' Rex to Providence, do you copy? :''[Takes earpiece out and looks at it.]'' Oh... Rex to Providence, you better be there.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Uh... we copy, Rex. We have a lock on your coordinates and are sending a jump jet.
:'''Rex:'''	Is Six okay? Breach went supernova.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Someone's on the way, just hold tight. Providence out.
:''[Scene change, Rex lying on the ground.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Took you long enough.
:''[Turns over and sees Providence agents, pointing guns at him.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex is onboard. Heading back to HQ.
:'''Rex:'''	HQ? Ten minutes ago I was in the middle of an epic battle. You need to take me back!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Um, that battle is over.
:'''Rex:''' What happened? Is Six okay? Guys...what's going on?
:''[They arrive at HQ.]''
:'''Caesar:'''	Baby brother, you're okay! ''[Runs and hugs him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Breach just sent me to nowheresville. Nothing to freak out over.
:'''Caesar:'''	''[To Providence agent.]'' You didn't tell him?
:'''Providence Agent:''' Our orders were just to bring him back.
:'''Rex:'''	Tell me what? Hey, when did you... have a beard?
:'''Caesar:''' There's no easy way to tell you this, hermano. Breach didn't just send you to the middle of nowhere. You've been gone for six months.
:'''Rex:'''	Six months?! So this is--
:'''Caesar:''' Technically, the future. I should warn you, there've been a few changes.
:'''Rex:'''	You didn't give away my room, did you?
:'''Caesar:''' As a matter of fact, they did.
:'''Rex:''' What?! Caesar, tell me what's going on here.
:'''Caesar:'''	It would be better if I showed you.
:'''Rex:'''	White Knight taking visitors now?
:'''Caesar:'''	I'll wait out here.
:''[Rex sees Providence agents dressed in black.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nice suits.
:''[Goes into the office.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... Love what you've done with the place. White?
:''[Person in chair turns around, it's a woman, not White Knight.]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Thank you, Rex. ''[She gets up and walks towards him.]'' It was a little bright for my taste. White Knight is no longer associated with this organization.
:'''Rex:''' He quit?
:'''Black Knight:''' He...attempted a hostile takeover and failed. Can I get you anything? Water? A snack?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want a snack! Where's Six? Where's Holiday!?
:'''Black Knight:''' This must upsetting to you. Change is never easy but from I understand, you've been in situations like this before. Everything's going to be fine.
:'''Rex:''' Who are you?!
:'''Black Knight:''' Someone very happy to have you back. Call me Black Knight.

==Season Three (2011-2013)==
===Back in Black===
: '''Rex''': Okay, I get what's going on here.
: '''Black Knight''': I'm relieved to hear that, Rex.
: '''Rex''': You can come out! I know you're there!
: '''Black Knight''': Rex?
: '''Rex''': We're friends, now, remember? Breach?
: '''Black Knight''': Breach isn't here, Rex. The world's changed. As soon you accept th--
: '''Rex''': No, I'm not ignoring you. It's just that you're not real.
: '''Black Knight''': I assure you I'm very real-- As is all of this.
: '''Rex''': ''[Chuckling]'' Oh, come on. It's been a fun time in the ol' Breachscape, but, you know, time to go home now.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': Seen this before. Usually ends with a black hole.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, you're disoriented. Let me--
: '''Rex''': Sorry, non-lady. No time. Got an exit to find! Shall we aprehend?
: '''Black Knight''': It won't be necessary.
: '''Caesar''': Rex! Have you lost it?
: '''Rex''': Caesar! We're in a pocket dimension! It could collapse at any second!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar''': That's crazy, Rex. This is not a pocket dimension.
: '''Rex''': You're right! It's a whole alternate universe! And-- and-- and you're my Brother's evil twin! Out of the way! Six! Six! Doc!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Rex''': Dr. Holiday! Doc!
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': Wha-- Well, at least some things haven't changed. Whoa! Whoa! Okay, now I-- Bleh-- know I'm in an-- Aah!-- alternate universe. Unh! You can go ahead and -- Blech!-- Eat me now, please.
: '''Black Knight''': Release.
: '''Rex''': You were... saying something about changes?
: '''Black Knight''': There have been a few.
: '''Caesar''': You've got temporal lag, Rex. It's kind of like altitude sickness, only in time. Here-- This will balance your electrolytes.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': So this is really-- 
: '''Black Knight''': Really. Welcome to the future, Rex-- Or, rather, to the present. Without your healing abilities, Providence has embraced a new paradigm. We've moved beyond the outmoded era of &quot;cure, contain, or kill.&quot;
: '''Rex''': And into the era of &quot;serious leash laws&quot;.
: '''Caesar''': We used the petting zoo as our test bed. What do you think?
: '''Rex''': I think it needs a new name, 'cause, you know, now it really is one.
: '''Caesar''': We've developed new techniques for working with EVOs. It's all about understanding them better.
: '''Rex''': So, you're some sort of &quot;EVO whisperer&quot;?
: '''Caesar''': ''[laughs]'' It's a bit more complicated than that. You sure you're okay? ''[sighs]'' It's good to have you back, brother.
: '''Black Knight''': Family ties. They transcend even time itself.
: '''Rex''': Caesar's not my only family.
: '''Black Knight''': I'll bring you up to speed on the others. When you went M.I.A., White Knight lost his biggest weapon in the war for EVO containment.
: '''Rex''': Figures that I have to vanish for him to appreciate me.
: '''Black Knight''': White became erratic-- some might say paranoid. Directorate lost faith in his ability to lead.
: '''Rex''': Directorate? I never knew white even had a boss.
: '''Black Knight''': There are, shall we say, layers. I was named as his replacement.
: '''Rex''': Let me guess-- he didn't take it well.
: '''Black Knight''': You could say that.
: '''Providence Agent''': White Knight! Sir! Stand down!
: '''White Knight''': I'd rather go down in flames than see Providence in the hands of the enemy.
: '''Providence Agent''': He's got a bomb! Fall back! All units fall ba--
: '''Rex''': Whoa! That was--
: '''Black Knight''': Your room.
: '''Rex''': Huh? Aww, man! But... Six... Holiday... where--
: '''Black Knight''': Where do you think? They're out looking for you. Agent Six and Holiday took indefinite leave. They've been off the grid ever since. I've attempted to contact them, but no response.
: '''Rex''': Mind if... I give them a ring? Not that I don't trust you.
: '''Black Knight''': ''[sarcasm]'' But you don't trust me. Natural, given the circumstances. Be my guest. ''[after Rex gets disconnected]'' It won't take long, to locate them. Meanwhile, there are many familiar faces who will be glad to hear you're back. Which reminds me... ''[tosses Rex a sack]'' This is everything we salvaged from your room.
: '''Rex''':  ''[opening the sack to find his ball]'' Huh. Talk about starting over.
: '''Black Knight''': You could you know. There's still a place for you in the--
: '''Rex''': My room. I thought you said it was trashed.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, wait.
: '''Rex''': What's the matter, Black? This where you're hiding all your evil secrets?
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex''': Um... Wow!
: '''Black Knight''': This entire wing was destroyed in the blast. I had the space... repurposed.
: '''Rex''': White wouldn't even splurge for private stalls.
: '''Black Knight''': As you see, I treat my finest people to the very finest things.
: '''Rex''': Sure. I'll take one of those, please.
: '''Black Knight''': It's yours-- and anything else you'd like.
: '''Rex''': As long as I do whatever you want-- That it?
: '''Black Knight''': On the contrary-- you're a seasoned agent. I have a few boundaries, but otherwise, handle matters as you see fit.
: '''Rex''': Say I refuse.
: '''Black Knight''': Then I turn you over to mel. ''[chuckling]'' I'm kidding. You're free to leave whenever you like. But I hope you'll stay. Now, more than ever, Providence needs a Rex. So, how do you feel? Like I haven't used one of those in Six months-- Which I haven't. You mind? Bobo?
: '''Bobo''': Rex! Heard you were back. So great to see you, buddy. Whoa. Just a sec, there, pal. Gotta love those certain towelettes.
: ''[Bobo whistling]''
: '''Bobo''': What? Never seen a monkey wash his hands before?
: '''Rex''': Not this one.
: ''[Bobo munching]''
: '''Rex''': You wanna tell me what's gotten into you or what?
: '''Bobo''': What are you talking abou-- Unh! Hey!
: '''Rex''': Sorry. For a minute, I thought you were...
: '''Bobo''': Robo Bobo? Wanna check for a tv in my butt?
: '''Rex''': Pass. But come on. You've, I don't know, mellowed or something.
: '''Bobo''': Guess I just don't have a big need to act out these days, what with you and everyone gone. Plus, the employee benefits are pretty sweet.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, we've got a little EVO problem. Providence could use your help. Ready to get back in the game?
: '''Rex''': If it involves getting out of here, that would be a &quot;yes.&quot; You coming?
: '''Bobo''': I'll join ya on the next one. I got Tai Chi at 2:00.
: '''Rex''': Missing an EVO smackdown? That doesn't sound like you.
: '''Bobo''': Did I mention the instructor has a thing for back hair?
: '''Rex:''' Ew. Okay. That sounds like you. What is it and where do I find it?
: '''Providence Agent''': We've got an EVO in the subway tunnels, people trapped in one of the trains. The power's out down there, too.
: '''Rex:''' Sounds like a street worm. Sure it's just one? Rex to H.Q. Okay, new chief, how do you want to do this?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're the expert.
: '''Rex:''' I am? Uh, I mean, of course I am. It's just that Six usually--
: '''Black Knight:''' You don't need help, Rex. Handle it as you see fit. Black, out.
: '''Rex:''' What's this strange feeling that's come upon me? Could it be...
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex''': Responsibility?! Okay. Assemble your guys over there. Be ready for me. Should the guys grab flashlight. Or... better. Not a bad pre-show. Now for the main event.
: '''Providence Agent:''' How did you know?
: '''Rex:''' These things usually travel in pairs. I used lights from my builds to make it think I was another worm. Have your bug net handy. They're so cute after I shut them down.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry B.K. No can cure.
: '''Black Knight:''' Understood. Our team will take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Um, take what where?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Move into the vehicle! Move... into... the vehicle! Hit her again!
: '''Rex:''' Um, what just happend?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's all for now, Rex. Nicely done.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Wait. What are you gonna do with it?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Standard rehab and re-lo. It's all very humane.
: '''Rex:''' I'd love to see that. Mind if I tag along?
: '''Black Knight:''' Sorry, Rex. Authorized personnel only. You've done your job. Now let the team theirs.
: '''Rex:''' But--
: '''Black Knight:''' Boundaries, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Boundaries. Got it. Rex, out.
: '''Caesar:''' Main container reached. Attach stabilizer ring.
: '''Rex:''' Humane? Yeah, right.
: ''[Bobo yawns]''
: '''Bobo:''' See? Great employee benefits.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Right. Hey, you got a tag sticking out in the back. Mind if I--
: '''Bobo:''' Thanks, pal. Well, off to yoga.
: '''Caesar:''' You really shouldn't be here, hermano.
: '''Rex:''' The petting zoo? The worm? My monkey practicing good hygiene? You're using that thing to control my friend!
: '''Caesar:''' He's still the same Bobo you know and love. He just need a few boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' He's not the same, and neither are you! You should hear yourself!
: '''Caesar:''' Making the world safer isn't possible without some form of control. And you'd better get some control of yourself, mijo.
: '''Rex:''' Or what? You'll use that thing on me?
: '''Caesar:''' Open your eyes to all the good we're accomplishing. Isn't this better than smacking them with your giant fists?
: '''Rex:''' That's combat! I protect people and property! Okay, property, not so much, but this? If you can't see the difference, then maybe I never knew you at all!
: '''Caesar:''' It doesn't matter. I have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' So do I!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Uses his Smack Hands to smash everything around him]''
: '''Caesar:''' Rex! Stop!
: '''Black Knight:''' Snooping around, Rex? See, that's another one of my boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' White Knight may have had his issues, but he never resorted to anything like this!
: '''Black Knight:''' I never planned to do this, Rex, but you've become a danger.
: '''Rex''' ''[shocked]'': Caesar! Think! You can't do this!
: '''Caesar:''' Of course I'm thinking. This is the logical conclusion to what we started. 
: '''Rex:''' The logical-- Aaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Raaah! Aah!
: ''[Caesar blasts the mind-control laser, causing Rex to scream and groan in pain]''
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. You'll thank me later.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You... better... believe I will!
: '''Caesar:''' Please don't resist! It's only painful if you struggle!
: '''Black Knight:''' What's taking so long?
: '''Caesar:''' He's fighting it! His nantic energy is spiking off the scale!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Boost power.
: '''Caesar:''' It's not safe to--
: '''Black Knight:''' It's for the best. 
: ''[Caesar increases power, causing Rex's nanites to go haywire as a tear fall down his cheek, heartbroken about his own brother betraying him]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Manages to overpower the mind-control machine, much to the surprise and wonder of Caesar and Black Knight]''
: '''Rex:''' You just drew a line in the sand, bro! ''[runs off]''
: '''Black Knight:''' You'd better have a backup.
: '''Caesar:''' The prototype. Not portable, but more than enough power, even for him.
: '''Black Knight:''' Get it ready.
: '''Rex:''' Unh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' No mood to get slimed right now, mel!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' What happened to your EVO control?
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Black Knight reactivates Mel's control]'' A demonstration. You know what would happen without our influence.
: '''Rex:''' So, you're hijacking its brain, like you tried to do with mine.
: '''Black Knight:''' That won't be necessary if you'll willingly cooperate.
: '''Rex:''' Translation-- if I do everything you say.
: '''Black Knight:''' You've seen how we can work together. Providence still needs you. There will always be a few EVOs we can't control.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. I'm one of them.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Shall we pursue?
: '''Black Knight:''' Most definitely.
: '''Rex:''' Gangway! Coming through! Huh? No! Huh. Black Pawns. Overdoing the whole theme, don't you think?
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Yah! I'm getting beat up by the chess club!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' We... got off on the wrong foot. Stow the hardware and come with us. You have my word you won't be harmed. We can start over-- the right way.
: '''Bobo:''' You mind? You're interrupting the enjoyment of my employee benefits.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: ''[Rex panting]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Rex was tranquilized]'' Excellent work. Take him to the lab.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? No way! You're not turning my brain to mashed potatoes! Doc?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Welcome back, Rex.
: '''Six:''' Good to see you, kid.
: '''Rex:''' Before I blame this on a Burrito-induced nightmare, will someone please tell me-- What... Is... Going... On?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What do you think? We've been looking for you.
: '''Six:''' We knew Providence might find you first. Fortunately, we planted a mole.
: '''Bobo:''' Ehh. Rex! Put 'er there!
: '''Rex:''' Uhh! You didn't wash! Oh! You didn't wash! But that means... that he really was... Robo Bobo?
: '''Bobo:''' In the flesh.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Literally. I gave it a biological upgrade, complete with his own nanites and... fleas, ticks, lice, chigger mites.
: '''Bobo:''' What can I say? I'm an ecosystem.
: '''Six:''' It's enough to fool your brother's equipment. The robot is only providing limited intel. But one thing is sure-- new Providence is about more than just getting EVOs off the streets.
: '''Rex:''' I saw it. Whatever they're doing over there is seriously messed up.
: '''Six:''' That's why we've set up our own operation.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Long pause as Rex sees the new HQ]'' Whoa! Where did you get all of this?
: '''Six:''' We have our sources.
: '''Rex:''' So, we're like super-secret spies now? Cool!
:''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' It's too bad about White, though. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm gonna miss that pasty guy.
: '''White Knight:''' ''[White enters]'' How touching, Rex. I, on the other hand, have rather enjoyed the last six Rex-free months. Now... If we're done with the love-in, we have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' It really can't get any better than this. Oh, except one thing-- Can I get a TV?

===Crash and Burn===
*From this episode, Rex can create two builds at once
:''[Bobo yawns]''
:'''Bobo:''' They say nothin' good happens after midnight. And, you know, they're right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm worried about you, Bobo. Since we left Providence, you've been staying out every night.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo gulps]''
:'''Bobo:''' That's not the least of your worries. Seen our boy lately?
:''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex is fine. He just needs time to adjust to our new setting. Rex? It's Holiday. Are you there?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, doc. What up?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Just checking in. Everything okay?
:'''Rex:''' Better than okay. I'm about to set a new land-speed record'
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That wasn't what I meant. How are you feeling?
:'''Rex:''' Appreciate the concern, but the only thing on my mind right now is the need for speed. Apparently, I'm not alone. I'll call you back. Hey! Slow down! I want to talk to you! Ah. You want to play chicken. Doc? Bobo? I'm getting blitzed by some bikers. Aah!
:'''Rand:''' Might as well give up! I won't quit! I'm a relentless, never-say-die, nonstop-- Uh, hey, wait a minute. Who are you?
:'''Rex:''' Think you could have asked me that before trying to run me down?
:'''Rand:''' Ooh! My fault. I thought you were one of us.
:'''Rex:''' &quot;One of us&quot;? What is this?
:'''Rand:''' Sorry, dude. No time to chat. Peace.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, like I'm gonna take that for an answer. A street race? Or a demolition derby?
:''[Lance grunts]''
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Lance:''' Gonna need a bike.
:'''Rex:''' Can't believe you survive that! You must be the luckiest guy on the-- These are nanites.
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Oh, come on!
:'''Six:''' Something wrong?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Prototypes. I prefer tried-and-tested. And I don't even know what we're going to do with half of this stuff.
:'''Bobo:''' You're goin' soft, gettin' worked over by a bunch of goofballs on motorcycles.
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons.
:'''Bobo:''' Last time I checked, so did you.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but not while I'm on my bike. I'm strictly one at a time.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites that have infected his body are slowly poisoning him. I've never seen anything like it.
:'''Rex:''' Do what you can, Doc? I'm gonna go out and look for those racers.
:'''Bobo:''' Sounds dangerous.
:'''Rex:''' Sure, Bobo. You can come, too. The nanites we found on the biker gave off a different energy signature. Gonna use one of Holiday's new toys to try to scan for it. A bunch of them. And they're moving fast.
:'''Bobo:''' Then step on it! Maybe Holiday has a point about prototypes!
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe they're not on the streets. I'll watch the road. You watch the screen.
:'''Bobo:''' Gotta warn you-- Chimps make bad navigators!
:'''Rex:''' Just do it!
:'''Bobo:''' Hmm? Left! You're goin' left! Make a right! Another right!
:'''Rex:''' Which way?
:'''Bobo:''' I don't know! That way-ish! Wah! Like I said-- Monkeys make great navigators! This is your biker gang?
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons before I'm telling you-- They're tough!
:'''Bobo:''' If you say so.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Wall.
:''[Bobo and Rex grunts]''
:'''Moss:''' That's some fancy ridin'. You following us, kid?
:'''Rex:''' Still think they don't look tough?
:'''Bobo:''' I take it back.
:'''Moss:''' Who are you, kid? 'Cause whoever you are, you're not bad.
:'''Rand:''' You're awesome! Where'd you learn to ride like that? Anybody with that kind of skill should be with us. Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' What's your secret?
:'''Rex:''' No secret. I'm just built that way.
:'''Lunk:''' Is that guy from TV-- The one who fights EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Five bucks for pictures, ten bucks for autographs.
:'''Rand:''' A talking monkey! Outrageous! I gotta have one. Is he for sale?
:'''Bobo:''' Brother, you can't afford me.
:'''Rex:''' You guys seem tight-- For guys who try to kill each other.
:'''Rand:''' We're not killers. We're racers. This is a legitimate sport.
:'''Moss:''' It is what it is. Our races aren't for the weak. Name's Moss. You've met Rand.
:'''Rex:''' He tried to blow me up.
:'''Rand:''' I missed. You're welcome. Come on, don't leave me hangin'.
:'''Moss:''' Never met a celebrity who could ride.
:'''Rex:''' I caught you, didn't I?
:'''Moss:''' But are you tough enough try me?
:'''Rex:''' Try me.
:'''Bobo:''' You gotta fight back?
:'''Rex:''' With what?
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother. Fine, leave it to Chimpy. Aah! I'll take that. Phbt!
:'''Rex:''' Something else on the map-- Moving fast! And it's big!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Halt! You kids! Pull over! Now!
:'''Moss:''' Cops!
:'''Bobo:''' Worst than cops-- Providence.
:'''Rex:''' The bikes give off a nanite signature. They must have tracked it.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex, what are you doing here?
:'''Rex:''' Research. You don't want to get caught up in this! Back off now! Sorry, guys. Have Black Knight sent me the bill.
:'''Rand:''' Ha! No way! You want to beat me, you gotta step your game up. Aah!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Rand!
:'''Bobo:''' Don't stop! Kid's wearing armor. He's fine.
:'''Rex:''' No! Something's wrong!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' What is this thing? Doc? Get over here quick. We've got another one.
:'''Biker gangs:''' WHOO-HOO-HOO!
:''[Biker gangs laughs]''
:'''Biker gangs:''' Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' We thought you'd bailed on us. Where were you?
:'''Rex:''' Watching a doctor try to save Rand's life.
:'''Moss:''' Racers get sick sometimes. It's part of the life.
:'''Rex:''' Those nanite power sources-- you got to stop using them. To feel one with the road, that rush? So some people get sick. When we're on our rides, nothing else matters.
:'''Rex:''' Your rides are killing you! You're gonna be dead-- All of you! And for what? So you can go a little faster?
:'''Moss:''' We need those things to ride. You know what it's like.
:'''Lunk:''' Please. Don't take our bikes away.
:'''Rex:''' Nobody's going to take your bikes. But I need to know where you got those nanites.
:'''Lunk:''' ''[sighs]'' A guy named Valve. He supplies the superchargers.
:'''Moss:''' You're wasting your time. Valve never talks to anybody.
:'''Rex:''' He'll talk to me.
:'''Bobo:''' Been in a lot of bad biker dives, but this is the worst I've ever seen.
:'''Valve:''' Enter, strangers. The biker will see you now. Please, sit. May I offer you some tea?
:'''Rex:''' I'll pass.
:'''Valve:''' Suit yourself. I find a good cup of tea soothing-- for the body and the soul.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Valve:''' You don't have to tell the biker why you're here. The biker can tell. You wish to buy a supercharger.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Rex:''' Your superchargers are killing people. It's gonna stop.
:''[Valve breathes deeply]''
:'''Valve:''' Hmm. That sounds like a challenge.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe it is. I'll race you for them. If I win, you hand over your entire stockpile.
:'''Valve:''' Shh! Your answer is on the wind.
:'''Rex:''' You're... not right in the head, are you?
:'''Valve:''' When the wind commands, the impossible game must be gamed. The challenge is accepted. We will race for the superchargers. And when the biker wins... It won't matter.
:'''Rex:''' Why is that?
:'''Valve:''' Because you'll be dead. Let the race begin.
:'''Moss:''' This is his own private track. He knows it better than anyone. You can still back out-- Probably.
:'''Rex:''' And let people become poison, like Valve? No. I can take him. Just give me something to hit him with. You guys are walking arsenals. You don't have anything?
:'''Moss:''' You didn't think we'd need 'em today.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy.
:'''Six:''' Message from Holiday. The two sick teens have stabilized, but she's still a ways from finding a cure.
:'''Rex:''' It was the only weapon I could find, okay? Can I borrow the sword?
:'''Six:''' Use your own.
:'''Rex:''' On wheels? It's not gonna happen.
:'''Six:''' What's stopping you?
:'''Rex:''' Well, for one thing, I-- Um, not sure exactly.
:'''Six:''' What have I been teaching you? Focus on what you want and make it happen. No more excuses.
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:'''Valve:''' You're lucky. One the very best get a chance at this track.
:'''Rex:''' Then I should fit right in. Rules of the game-- ten laps. Cross the finish line before the biker, and you may have them.
:'''Rex:''' So, is the wind talking to you now?
:'''Valve:''' The wind commands the Biker to destroy you. The Biker is happy to oblige.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' You gonna help him?
:'''Six:''' He's doing fine.
:'''Bobo:''' Are you watchin' the same race I am?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' You're in trouble, Rex! No. Keep it together. Keep... it... together. Six said it-- Focus. Focus. Focus!
:''[Valve laughs]''
:'''Valve:''' Oblivion.
:'''Six:''' Like I sad-- He's doing fine.
:'''Rex:''' Double-up! Where have you been all my life?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Cute toy. But I like mine better.
:'''Valve:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Was there any doubt?
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, plenty.
:''[Valve panting]''
:'''Rex:''' We had the deal. Remember?
:'''Valve:''' Like the storm that changes directions on a whim, the biker is changing the deal. 'Cause the biker-- ''[grunts]'' Doesn't like! ''[grunts]'' The biker-- ''[grunts]'' never loses! ''[grunts]'' Unh!
:'''Rex:''' First time for everything. Thank you, Six.
:'''Six:''' It was all you, kid.
:'''Moss:''' Rand!
:'''Biker gangs:''' Oh, Rand! Good to see you!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Completely detoxified. In a couple days, they'll be back to full strength. Those could be useful at the new base.
:'''Moss:''' You can't stop us from riding.
:'''Rex:''' What's stopping you? You can still ride. You just won't be poisoned by nanites. Come on. Race you back to the garage.
:''[Rex rides off]''
:'''Moss:''' ''[Chasing after Rex]'' You heard the man. Hit it!
:'''Six:''' You do realize we just turned a group of reckless teenage boys loose on the city.
:'''Bobo:''' All in a day's work.

===Heroes United, Part 1===
: ''[In New York City, a strange white sphere appears in the sky, imposing several sporadic shocks that hit a bridge and a building and several people begin to run desperately. At The Plant, a light turns on and Rex is running and stops, with the light focusing on him, a figure passes behind Rex who smiles and builds his Funchucks and attacks the figure behind him who jumps dodging his attack and landing behind Rex, the light turns on and reveals itself to be Agent Six.]''
: '''Six:''' You need to pay attention.
: ''[Six pulls out his Magna Blades]''
: '''Rex:''' I'll tell you what I need.
: ''[Rex attacks Six who blocks his attacks]''
: '''Six:''' More training? Your swing is getting a little sloppy.
: '''Rex:''' Not what I was thinking, but thanks for the tip.
: ''[Rex tries to attack Six who jumps, dodging the blow. Six tries to attack Rex who builds his Punk busters and jumps back]''
: '''Rex:''' Two words for you, Six- - Theme song!
: '''Six:''' Theme song?
: ''[Jump on top of the cabin where Holiday is]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Break my stuff, and I will ruin you.
: '''Rex:''' Things have been pretty Good for me lately, I have a home, friends, family. The only thing I need now is my own theme song.
: '''Bobo:''' I got your Theme Song. Phbt! Phbt! ''[Bobo makes farting noises.]''
: '''Rex:''' I'm serious. Every hero should have a theme song. I've been working on one. Thought you probably wouldn't hear over the ringing in your ears. It started when the nanites went “Ka-Pow!” upon the scene Transforming all the life on earth like nothing that you’ve seen. But there’s one lucky Hombre who can make them build machines, He's Gen Rex! Ohh!
: '''Six:''' ''[Six kicks Rex backwards]'' Its... Catchy. It's good to see you happy, Rex. Just remember this world, right now, all of those things can be taken away in an instant.
: '''Rex:''' If that's your attempt to inspire me, Six, you need a little more practice yourself.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' How quickly can we get to Manhattan?
: ''[Young Woman gasps]''
: '''Young Woman:''' Providence! It'll be okay now, sweetie.
: '''Black Knight:''' Doctor Salazar, What am I looking at?
: '''Caesar:''' You want the truth? For the first time since I was six years old, I haven't a clue what I'm looking at.
: '''Rex:''' What is going on here?
: '''Bobo:''' Don't know, but I wish I'd brought my tanning butter.
: '''Six:''' Cut the chatter.
: '''Rex:''' I would, but ripping on Black Knight is the only thing keeping me from freaking out. This isn't our usual deal. Just make sure Providence doesn't shoot me in my butt while I'm off saving theirs. Huh? So... I smash that? Ohh!
: '''Bobo:''' Coming back around, kid. I think it likes you.
: '''Rex:''' Holiday, what is it, and where do I hit it?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I don't know. I-- Wait. I'm picking up Bio-organic energy inside the event.
: ''[A mysterious figure came out of the event, Rex immediately responded and then releases his Smack Hands, but the mysterious figure caught Rex's attack and then counter attacked. Thus, sending Rex flying.]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Have anything to say for yourself before I commence with the face-stomping?
: '''Humungousaur:''' Yeah. You just made a humungous mistake!
: ''[Humungousaur grunts]''
: ''[Humumgousaur grunts]''
: '''Humungousaur:''' Stay down if you know what's good for you.
: '''Rex:''' I'll show you what I'm good at, feo!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, I'm getting more fluctuations in the event. Something's coming out.
: '''Rex:''' I see it, doc.
: ''[A creature flies out of the portal]''
: '''Humungousaur:''' ''[after being hit]'' You and your partners call it quits right now, and I'll keep the powder rising to a minimum!
: '''Rex:''' I was gonna say the same thing, only in Spanish! ''[hits Humungosaur again]'' ''[Humungosaur goes flying]'' ''[talking to Agent Six]''
: '''Rex:''' You take the hunk of junk, Six! &quot;Big ugly&quot; is mine!
: '''Humungousaur:''' Hmm. You wanna learn the hard way? Lesson one-- Dangerous aliens are not welcome on my planet!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Black Knight, target locked and weapons are charged. Firing on your mark.
: '''Black Knight:''' Keep everything we've got focused on that rift. Nothing else comes out of there. Pawns, get those EVOs alive. I need answers. Caesar--
: '''Caesar:''' The physics are amazing. Like a star in collapse, it-- I'll buzz you back.
: '''Black Knight:''' Don't hang up on me, Caesar. Bring Salazar to me-- Now!
: '''White Knight:''' Hands full? My team is here to help. You'd be well advised to let them.
: '''Black Knight:''' You'd be well advised to get off my screens, White Knight. I'll see you tried for treason.
: '''White Knight:''' While you're filing the paperwork, we'll be saving New York. Join us or stay out of our way!
: ''[Rex coughs]''
: '''Rex:''' You can punch. I'll give you that.
: ''[Humungousaur groans]''
: '''Humungousaur:''' You alien wannabes should know better by now-- Mess with Ben, you get the ten.
: '''Rex:''' Aliens?! The ten?! Great-- Another insane EVO. Providence is all over your energy-weapon whatever, so let's see if I can't knock some normal back into you.
: '''Humungousaur:''' Good luck with that. Ugh!
: '''Rex:''' Okay. That's weird.
: ''[Diamondhead grunts]''
: '''Diamondhead:''' What did you just do to me?
: '''Rex:''' Not sure, but I like it.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Holiday, are you seeing this? &quot;Creature feature&quot; just went bling on me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Be careful, Rex. This is something we've never seen before.
: ''[Diamondhead grunts]''
: '''Diane Farrah:''' Diane Farrah, broadcasting to you live from what appears to be the end of the world.
: '''Alpha:''' So many of us. What has happened here?
: '''Six:''' Holiday, what am I looking at here?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Preliminary scans say non-organic. It appears to be entirely mechanical. I'll need a closer look.
: '''Six:''' I'll see what I can do.
: ''[Diamondhead coughs]''
: '''Diamondhead:''' Lucky punch.
: '''Rex:''' Don't believe in luck. Now hold still so I can cure you.
: '''Diamondhead:''' You're talking crazy, and I'm not sick. We're wasting time.
: '''Lodestar:''' Metal, meet magnetism.
: '''Rex:''' Magnets, huh? Well, there's no metal in pavement.
: '''Lodestar:''' Aah!
: '''Six:''' It's gone, but I found this.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm not exactly sure what we're looking at here. I don't even know if this is made with an element I've ever seen before. Getting some kind of a residual nanite signature, but this is definitely not an EVO. Caesar-- We could use a little help here. What is it?
: '''Caesar:''' The fragment came from the machine.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you tell us anything about it?
: '''Caesar:''' Yes, but not right now.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' For the record, most scientists are not like that.
: '''Alpha:''' Him. Father?!
: '''Six:''' We're not finished yet.
: '''Lodestar:''' Ow!
: '''Rex:''' Huh?!
: '''Rex and Lodestar:''' Time-out! Innocents!
: '''Diane Farrah:''' Thank you. You-- Who are you?
: '''Rath:''' Seriously?! I'm the cat who's all that-- The Rath attack! There are about a hundred other things.
: '''Rex:''' Time-in! Thanks for the assist, but say adios to your nanites for real, El Gato.
: '''Rath:''' Will you stop that?
: '''Rex:''' You... you're not an EVO?!
: '''Rath:''' Let me tell you something, robot boy! I have no clue where an EVO is. I'm just trying to do my thing.
: '''Rex:''' Destroy our city?
: '''Rath:''' Destroy?! You really haven't heard off me?
: '''Ben:''' I'm Ben Tennyson. Ben 10? Like, the biggest hero in the world?
: '''Rex:''' Six!
: '''Six:''' Everybody down!
: '''Rex:''' Six! Six, hold on! Holiday, Six is down! Six is down! This is all your fault! Holiday?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm doing everything I can, Rex. We have to focus on the bigger picture. Six would want us to.
: '''Rex:''' Figures the only time I do what Six would want, he's in a coma.
: '''White Knight:''' I'll be having the pleasure of helping Providence figure out how to close the rift. The rest of you can deal with that machine.
: '''Rex:''' It got blown to bits along with Six, remember?
: '''White Knight:''' Don't be so sure. Someone needs to find out what that is and where it went.
: '''Ben:''' I can do that.
: '''Bobo:''' You-- Ain't doing nothing but sitting pretty and shutting up.
: '''Rex:''' And if Six of them pull through, you won't even be able to do that.
: '''Ben:''' I'm sorry about your friend, honestly. Obviously, he's important to you. But I have no clue what's even happening here. I've never heard of Providence or EVOs or-- One minute I'm doing a TV interview. The next, hole in the  ky, flash a light and I'm punching out a mecha monster. Then I end up in a world where nobody knows me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He might actually be telling the truth. Ben's nanite absorption level indicates  he came through that rift without any.
: '''Rex:''' I thought White Knight was the only living thing on Earth that's nanite-free.
: '''Ben:''' So you mean I have those things in me now? Great. Where's my space suit?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll live. Still doesn't explain how you got here.
: '''Ben:''' We're probably looking at a parallel world thing.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Parallel worlds are a theory, and a shaky one at that.
: '''Ben:''' Are you serious? I go home all the time. Maybe if you knew where that mech alien was from, it might help prove--
: '''Rex:''' Quit talking!
: '''Ben:''' Exactly. Nothing's gonna get answered sitting around here.
: '''Rex:''' In case you hadn't noticed, we're holding you under house arrest.
: '''Ben:''' You aren't holding me. I was staying to see how I could help.
: '''Big Chill:''' You aren't the only person worried about someone close to you.
: '''Rex:''' I got this.
: '''White Knight:''' Rex, don't! I hate kids.
: '''Caesar:''' Nanite Cloud. These are being drawn in from the atmosphere. Now where are you? So it is you. This is most disturbing.
: '''Rex:''' Why don't you just go back where you came from?
: '''Big Chill:''' I'm trying to, you do? Oh no.
: '''Rex:''' What?
: '''Ben:''' Mr. Smoothie isn't here. That's messed up.
: '''Rex:''' My partner is in a coma. If you're stressing over a frozen drink, you are totally getting punk-fusted.
: '''Ben:''' We're in Bellwood, my hometown, where it should be. But it's all different. Part of me hoped it wouldn't be, but this pretty much proves it.
: '''Rex:''' This doesn't prove anything!
: '''Ben:''' You know the friend you care about? Well, I have a cousin, a grandfather, a best friend that I care about! They don't exist here! I may never see them again! I'm totally alone! So go ahead! Do your worst.
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we can... help each other.
: '''Ben:''' You'd do that? What's that sound?
: '''Rex:''' My brother.
: '''Ben:''' Is he like you?
: '''Rex:''' Uh, no. Caesar's a little crazy and he's working for the wrong side, but, otherwise, not so bad.
: '''Ben:''' What constitutes &quot;not so bad&quot; here on opposite world?
: '''Caesar:''' No! We need that!
: '''Rex:''' To blow my head off?
: '''Caesar:''' To stop that!
: '''Rex:''' What is that?
: '''Caesar:''' A bad, bad thing.
: '''Alpha:''' Why would you speak of me so, father? I am your Alpha. I came home. You are pleased?
: '''Caesar:''' No. Not especially.
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Alpha:''' What has happened here? Why so many brothers?
: '''Caesar:''' We had an accident.
: '''Alpha:''' The bodies I built, father-- they still do not last. But my brothers are free. I can control them. They could help make me complete. Aah!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, stay back!
: '''Alpha:''' I am still weak, father. I need more. Will you help me live?
: '''Caesar:''' I don't believe so, Alpha.
: '''Alpha:''' That... is a very disappointing response.
: '''Diamondhead:''' Then you really won't like this one!
: ''[Diamondhead grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' Don't let it touch him!
: '''Alpha:''' You control nanites, yet you are human. How is this possible? Tell me the secret.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, Caesar... What is that thing? Why did it call you &quot;father&quot;?
: '''Caesar:''' It's migrating. We have to follow it-- Now! These were gathered from the area of the space-time rift, and you'll find them everywhere Alpha goes.
: '''Ben:''' I take it those are nanites?
: '''Caesar:''' Dead nanites, drained by the entity you just fought and, incidentally, the thing that dragged you here from your Earth.
: '''Rex:''' His Earth? He really is from a parallel world?
: '''Ben:''' Science class much?
: '''Caesar:''' I believe it's been searching for a way home. It was possibly attracted to your weapon before it found its way here. A powerful device, no doubt.
: '''Ben:''' It's called the Ultimatrix. It has the DNA of a million aliens.
: '''Rex:''' Ri-i-i-ght. Aliens. And leprechauns gave me these goggles! I'm curious how big brother knows about something from a parallel dimension.
: '''Caesar:''' Because I sent it there. In the early days of the Nanite Program, our goal was simple- - Construct micromachines to cure diseases, grow new cells, regenerate bones. But there was a control issue. Some thought a human-machine link was the answer. Others proposed that the machines could control themselves. I was in the latter camp. I developed the Alpha to command other nanites. To maximize its effectiveness, I had to program Alpha to think for itself. 
: '''Ben:''' Does a long explanation mean something bad on your Earth, too?
: '''Rex:''' Yep.
: '''Caesar:''' Alpha developed its own consciousness. It evolved into a unique life form and wanted a body, but whatever it built burnt out. So, when Alpha attempted possessing living things, Alpha had to be eliminated. So, I built a dimensional disruptor.
: '''Ben:''' That sounds like a Null Void gun. We've got those on my Earth, too.
: '''Caesar:''' I designed it to send the Alpha to an empty space where it wouldn't do any more damage. That's what I was attempting to do again-- Until you destroyed it.
: '''Ben:''' But the Null Void isn't empty. It's a prison for intergalactic criminals.
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. I see. Then, clearly, it found a host within a mechanical one. Alpha did always have a way with machines. It's been gaining mass and energy from machines and other nanites. It's able to stabilize a host body, there's no limit to the amount of damage it can cause.
: '''Rex:''' So, just cook up another bazooka thingy, and let's go zap it!
: '''Caesar:''' Too late for that, Rex! Ilo siento, mijo!
: '''Rex:''' Tell me that's a new weapon! Caesar! Eww! Do... you... have any idea what it smells like in there, dude?
: '''Ben:''' I'm sure you can handle a little arborian musk to save your nuts and bolts... Dude.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry. Thanks. I'm just-- Ugh! This day started off perfectly. Now there's aliens, my partner's in a coma, and my brother's trying to kill me.
: '''Ben:''' Maybe he was trying to protect us. Alpha was right there, and now it's not.
: '''Rex:''' You're one of those glass-half-full guys, aren't you?
: '''Ben:''' Here on &quot;Crazy Earth&quot;, why not?
: '''Rex:''' Holiday is Six--?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He's the same, but the Knights have figured out how to close the Rift. You need to get Mister Ten back to New York if he ever wants to see his home again.
: '''Rex:''' Figures. Just when I almost considered liking you.
: '''Ben:''' Hold on a second. You think I'm leaving you like this? This might not be my Earth, but it's still Earth-- Sort of.
: '''Rex:''' Thanks, but this is my problem, not yours.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we need you back at base. It's here.

===Heroes United, Part 2===
:'''Alpha:''' Come to me, my siblings.
:''[Dr. Holiday smooches]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'll be back.
:'''Alpha:''' The nanites in those creatures-- They are different, powerful. Your nanites are weak. I have no use for you. Where is the boy?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His nanites are off limits!
:''[Dr. Holiday straining]''
:''[Dr. Holiday groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Feel like giving me a hand?
:'''Ben:''' How about four?
:'''Rex:''' I'm starting to like the way you think, Ben 10.
:''[Four Arms grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Alpha:''' You cannot keep me from what I seek.
:'''Rex:''' My brother? Look around! He's not here!
:'''Alpha:''' The father is redundant now that I found you.
:'''Rex:''' Aah!
:'''Alpha:''' I cannot merge! What makes you so special, human? Yes! You shelter an Omega.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Ya-a-a-h! That was my leg!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Your move.
:'''Ben:''' This brother wants to blow you up, and she's your friend? You might be safer on my Earth.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex can lose his builds relatively pain-free.
:'''Ben:''' Are you seriously gonna just wait around?
:'''Rex:''' It wants nanites-- My nanites. Holiday thinks it'll come back for me, but, yeah, I'd rather go after the thing, knock it into another dimension.
:'''Ben:''' But your bio-whatevers need a break. I get it.
:'''Bobo:''' Ya missed.
:'''Ben:''' At least you hit the rim that time.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, thanks.
:'''Ben:''' So, what's happened to you, anyways?
:'''Rex:''' I was gonna ask you the same thing.
:'''Ben:''' It started when the Omnitrix fell out of the sky. I was ten years old.
:'''Rex:''' Six years ago, the Nanite Event changed everything.
:'''Ben:''' And there's alien DNA in the Omnitrix.
:'''Rex:''' And that's how I can build stuff with the micromachines in my body.
:'''Ben:''' Now Kevin, Gwen, and I are the plumbers.
:'''Rex:''' Plumbers? I thought &quot;Providence&quot; was a dumb name.
:''[Rex and Ben laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' Nice assist.
:'''Ben:''' That's how we get it done.
:'''White Knight:''' Satscan just picked up the Alpha. It's at the bug jar.
:'''Rex:''' The bug jar is shielded.
:'''White Knight:''' Not anymore.
:'''Rex:''' So much for waiting. Let's do this!
:''[Ben sniffs]''
:'''Ben:''' Why does my jacket smell like bananas?
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! This feels tight.
:'''Bobo:''' You guys are our best hope? We're doomed.
:'''Ben:''' If this is the bug jar--
:'''Rex:''' Then where are the bugs?
:'''Diamondhead:''' Whoa. What do you call that?
:'''White Knight:''' I call it the entire nanite population of the bug jar.
:'''Alpha:''' The power to change life itself-- What foolishness to give my brothers such a command.
:'''Rex:''' Preaching into the choir, buddy.
:'''White Knight:''' Don't let it get to Rex! If it drains his nanites--
:'''Diamondhead:''' Game over-- Understood.
:'''Rex:''' It already tried to eat me. That didn't work.
:'''White Knight:''' That thing was made to control machines, and until it burns through them, it's got every active nanite in the bug jar at its command. You think you can stop that?
:'''Rex and Diamondhead:''' We can try!
:'''Ben:''' That thing just hacked my watch!
:'''Rex:''' You're going to run out of nanites eventually.
:'''Alpha:''' Incorrect, Thanks to the one thing left on this Earth that can create them-- Your Omega. They thought it could replace me. Now it will make me whole.
:'''Rex:''' Aah! I could use an alien right now!
:''[White Knight screams]''
:'''Ben:''' Great idea, but a certain nanite monster busted my watch!
:'''Rex:''' Do something-- Anything! Do something better!
:'''Ben:''' I could try calling it names!
:'''Rex:''' Let... me... go! Aah!
:''[Rex breathing heavily]''
:'''Rex:''' As long as I fight it, it's like the Alpha and Omega cancel each other out.
:'''Alpha:''' An alternate path is required.
:'''Ben:''' Aah! Stop! He did it again!
:'''Rex:''' No! It's worse!
:'''Alpha:''' Your machine is most interesting. Perhaps within I can find a suitable host.
:''[Alpha Heatblast roars]''
:'''Ben:''' Can he do that?
:'''Rex:''' I think he just did.
:'''Ben and Rex''': Aah!
:'''Ben:''' I think you're really fried at this time. Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Hey! It's me you want.
:'''Alpha Heatblast:''' You presume so much, brother. Organics who rely on machines for their power, I don't need. The machines themselves-- Now, those I will have.
:'''Rex:''' Machines not sold separately, Alfalfa. And stop calling me your brother!
:''[Alpha Four Arms growls]''
:'''Ben:''' Okay. You've got to admit that looks pretty cool. Should I try those insults now?
:''[Alpha Four Arms growls]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Ugh!
:''[Shocksquatch roars]''
:'''Shocksquatch''': Wow, this is unexpected.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Well, blast it or something!
:'''Shocksquatch:''' I have no idea what this alien does. I've never seen it before.
:'''Rex:''' You're not filling me with confidence.
:''[Shocksquatch grunts]''
:'''Shocksquatch:''' Ohh, yeah! Ye-e-e-s! Yes! Yes!
:'''Ben:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, man!
:''[Alpha Humungousaur growls]''
:'''Rex:''' Your faceplate's fractured, White. Get out of here before it cracks through.
:'''White Knight:''' Not a chance. Six would have your back. I'm here in his place.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, your biometrics are dangerously low. You need to get away.
:'''Rex:''' Listen to me, Alpha controls nanites. So do I. Why don't I just shut him down?
:'''Ben:''' Hey, Jerk-asaur! You're a loser! Ha! You see that? Hero Time!
:'''Rath:''' Oh, yeah! Let's cause some pain!
:'''White Knight:''' Wait! Not while they're linked!
:'''Rath:''' Oh, you did not just stop me!
:'''Alpha:''' The power you hold is impressive.
:'''Rex:''' You mean the power to kick your butt?
:'''Alpha:''' The power to create machines. You are not worthy of such a gift. The Omega nanite is mine.
:'''Rath:''' Aaah! Take this and this! What do you think of what?!
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Alpha:''' I misguided to place my trust in a father that did not want me. I never needed him. I simply needed the energy and means to do what I have always done-- Evolve.
:'''Ben:''' You okay?
:'''Rex:''' No. Definitely not okay. It took my Omega nanite, and I think I know what I wants.
:'''Alpha:''' Behold, organics... The beginning and the end of all things. I am Alpha-Omega. This is the twilight of humanity. Alpha-Omega destroys all.
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Rex:''' Holiday, are you seeing this?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unfortunately, yes. We're not looking at random destruction. Alpha is synthesizing the matter around him to build his own nanite.
:'''Rex:''' Thanks to my Omega nanite!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This isn't your fault, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Sure feels like it. I woke up this morning on top of the world. Now I'm about to witness the end of it. Six was right.
:'''Ben:''' I don't think this is how it was meant to play out. I've seen what you can do.
:'''Rex:''' My most powerful builds came from the Omega nanite. A lot of people are going to get hurt, and I can't stop it. What happens when the best you can do just... isn't enough?
:'''Ben:''' You get an Upgrade.
:'''Rex:''' Weren't you listening? Alpha has the Omega.
:'''Ben:''' I'm not talking about a nanite.
:''[Transforms into Upgrade]''
:'''Rex:'''  Hey! What are you-- ''[Upgrade merges with Rex]'' Whoa! Okay. That feels weird. ''[Upgrade covers Rex's body like a suit]'' Whoa! What supposed to happen now? ''[Upgrade's head appears on Rex's left shoulder]'' Aah! Ohh! Don't do that! You're freaking me out!
:'''Upgrade:''' Build something!
:'''Rex:''' ''[Builds a Smack Arm, which is modified by Upgrade]'' Sa-weet! So, what's the plan?
:'''Upgrade:''' You build stuff, I make it better, fight, fight, fight, we win!
:'''Rex:''' Works for me! ''[Rex builds a Boogie Pack and blasts off]'' WHOO-HOO!
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Rex:''' Ye-e-e-ah!
:'''Upgrade:''' Nice shot, Rex! Run, run, run, run, run, run, run!
:''[Alpha-Omega screams]''
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Rex and Ben:''' Aah! Oof!
:''[Rex and Ben groaning]''
:'''Rex:''' We need a direct hit on the Alpha.
:'''Ben:''' More insults? I've got a good one.
:'''Rex:''' I've got an idea, but you have to trust me. When I fire, you've got to make your roly-poly thing.
:'''Ben:''' You're not thinking of--
:'''Rex:''' Yup.
:'''Ben:''' Isn't that dangerous?
:'''Rex:''' Probably.
:'''Ben:''' On three?
:'''Rex:''' I've officially decided I like you, monster guy.
:'''Ben:''' Same here, robot kid. One--
:'''Rex:''' Two-- Three!
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' WOO-HOO! Yeah! Oh, yeah! He shoots! He scores! WHOO! And the crowd goes wild!
:''[Rex imitates crowd cheering]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa, there, little nanite brothers. Where do you think you're going? Alpha's not the only one who can tell you what to do.
:'''Ben:''' Isn't your Omega Nanite going to be in there, too?
:'''Caesar:''' I'll handle that. Where are you, little guy? Got it! Look! It worked!
:'''Ben:''' And that, my friend, is how you save the world.
:'''Caesar:''' Very clever, little brother. The density of this sphere is over thirty grams per centimeter cubed. It would be extremely difficult for Alpha to slip through the molecules of this, assuming it survived compaction. We need to get rid of it.
:'''Rex:''' Caesar, wait!
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, I wasn't fully able to repair the Void gun. I'm not sure how long my repairs will hold before it discharges. We only get one shot at this, and we have to do it fast. It's now or never, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' How are you going to carry it? That thing must weigh ten tons!
:'''Ben:''' I'm not going to carry it.
:'''Upchuck:''' Let's do this again someday.
:''[Upchuck munching]''
:''[Upchuck gulping]''
:'''Rex:''' Wow! That's just-- Wow! Six?
:'''Bobo:''' He's gone.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Weakly]'' Gone?
:'''Bobo:''' To the little ninja's room.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's going to be fine, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' He is?! All right! Yes! Oh, man, I knew it! I knew the whole time!
:''[Rex laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' I mean... cool. I'm glad you're alive!
:'''Six:''' Me too.
:'''Rex:''' I was so scared, Six. I've never done anything so hard in all my life. I really thought the world was going to end, And then I totally kicked butt!
:'''Six:''' I hear you had a little help.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, when his monster watch wasn't conked out. Ben was a cool kid. I wonder if I'll ever see him again.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' With infinite dimensions, the math doesn't work in your favor, Rex.
:'''Bobo:''' Math-- The enemy of all things good.
:'''Six:''' Although-- The cosmos works in mysterious ways. I think certain people are meant to meet, to fight side by side, to be friends. You may see one another sooner than you think.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Caesar?! How did you...?
:'''Caesar:''' Okay. Before White Knight comes looking for me here, one last piece of unfinished business.
:'''Rex:''' You're sure this is the Omega, right? I mean, you didn't grab the Alpha by mistake?
:'''Caesar:''' 100% certain. Well, actually 99.998%. Nothing is 100%.

===Phantom of the Soap Opera===
:'''Rex Salazar:''' In a world he never chose and barely understands... ''[Rex looks over the countryside from a cliff, jumps and lands in a snow scene]'' One incredibly good looking guy fights for us all. His name...you know it baby...Rex. ''[jumps into a lake scene]'' Forget train wrecks... ''[punches]'' And car wrecks... ''[kicks]'' Nothing brings the pain like this Rex. ''[runs into city scene. EVO walks down street, Rex runs up, jumps, grabs EVO's head and tears it off. Holds it over his head in victory gesture.]''
:'''Actor in costume:''' Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious kid.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Ah, anytime you want to stop trying to get me fired get back to the tour.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. Got caught up in the moment.
:'''Actor in costume:''' Ah, dude?
:''[Rex puts head back on the man in EVO costume.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' And on your left, the sound stage where they make the hit TV show Middle School Talent show.
:''[Teen girls on tour squeal and run towards it.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' That's a closed set. ''[Noah pulls on his hair]'' C'mon, this is my first week as a page, I could lose my job!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got this. ''[pulls girls back from stage with turbines]'' I just don't get girls, how come they get so... ''[notices something behind Noah, acts all excited]'' Huh hu oh huh... oh El Amor de la Pasion del Amor! Why didn't you tell me EADLPDA was made here?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Um, probably because I didn't really believe you actually still watch a soap opera.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's a telenovela. The actresses are smoking hot. And I don't have cable?...ah c'mon dude don't be a hater. ''[crosses arms]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Whatever. We're not going in there, they get like ten safety violations a week, no one's allowed in accept crew and studio staff.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You mean like pages? ''[Brushes Noah's shoulder with his hand, smiling. Noah brushes his hand away.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' No way. My boss is a total butt-buster for the rules and she is always watching. ''[makes binocular with his hands]''
:'''Head Page:''' You got that right bub. ''[Rex looks behind him, and jumps away]'' By the way Page, you lose something? ''[has three girls from Noah's tour group tied up in a rope]'' Found these wandering over by Middle School Talent Show. ''[Noah runs over and unties them, rope falls]''
:'''Head Page:''' ''[points to her left eye]'' I got my one good eye on you, Nixon.
:''[On set of telenovela]''
:''[Isabella crying]''
:'''Reymundo:''' Pensabas que yo era tu marido. ¡Pero fue una mentira! Pero la verdad es que soy Reymundo, el hermano diabólico de Reynaldo.
:'''Isabella:''' Yo sé, pero todavía te amo.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[standing by salad bar in cafeteria looking up at TV screen]'' How can anyone say that's not great!
:''[Man in cowboy hat tips his hat to Noah]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa? Celebrities know you?
:''[There are drinks on their trays at this point, then in the next frame there are no drinks on their trays and they go over to get drinks.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' The only one here who knows my name is my boss. I'm just a newb on an internship.
:''[Blond girl puts her hand on Noah's shoulder and reaches across him to get a soda, walks away, looks back and gives him a finger gun.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Yeah right, you just got a finger gun from TV weather lady Summer Sonnenshine.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' It's the page jacket not me, if you put this thing on everyone would think you work here. Still. I gotta admit it's pretty cool.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Y'know, I didn't even know you'd applied for this. But I guess when you jump ahead in time you gotta expect some surprises...OH MY GOSH... ''[drops tray]'' It's Isabella, from El Amor del Pasion del Amor.
:''[Rex throws up his arms, knocks tray into Noah's chest spilling it all over his jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' AHHH!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I know she's even hotter in real life than she is on the...
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[looks down at tray and jacket]'' Ohhhhh...
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, okay don't worry...
:'''Head Page:''' ''[yelling at another page behind Rex]'' You call yourself a page!
:'''Rex:''' Okay worry. ''[puts his fingers together]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' This is a huge violation of the dress code, oh I am so fired!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No you're not. Come on, move!
:''[They run to a supply closet.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I've gotta lead another tour in forty-five minutes. We can't get to a dry cleaners and back in forty-five minutes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is my bad, but I can fix this. ''[Noah panicking, rocking and hyperventilating]'' We just have to calm down and think. Just calm down. ''[Rex points at Noah]'' Noah, calm down!
:''[Rex grabs a bottle of pickles off the shelf, opens the lid and throw contents of jar at Noah's head. A pickle ends up in Noah's mouth, he spits it out.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Not helping. ''[Noah, calm now and not hyperventilating and rocking, wipes pickle juice out of his eyes.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, listen we passed the wardrobe department on the tour, they've gotta have a washer and dryer right?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Uh... yeah, I guess?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Alright, good, give me your outfit and stay put, I'll take care of everything else.
:''[Scene change. Sign which says laundry stages commissary.]''
:''[Rex runs towards laundry, passes stage of telenovela. Grins and stops. Looks into open door. Looks down at soiled jacket. Up at stage doorway. Walks away. Runs back and grins bigger. Walks into stage with Noah's jacket on.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh--
:'''Isabella:''' Finally! You are here!
:''[Isabella kisses Rex all over his face.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is happening, right? I'm not going to wake up and be making out with my pillow again am I?
:'''Isabella:''' Come with me, they want to cancel us you know. That's why the studio puts us here in this place falling apart with all the accidentes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Soap operas do not get the respect they deserve.
:'''Isabella:''' You are very wise for your age. We don't even go backstage anymore. Too dangerous.
:''[A silhouette of a rat is seen, it squeaks]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Is that our page?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh...
:''[Rex falls]''
:'''Isabella:''' He's mine, I saw him first!
:''[Rex gets up and Isabella grabs him.]''
:'''Isabella:''' He is mine!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hum?
:'''Beatriz:''' Why don't we let him decide?
:'''[Rex is being pulled back and forth]''
:'''Isabella:''' You would like that wouldn't you?
:'''Beatriz:''' Yes I would! Very much.
:'''Isabella:''' Fine.
:''[Girls growl at each other and walk away.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[grinning]'' Did they just cat-fight over me?
:''[The girls come back with lists.]''
:'''Isabella:''' Here is a list of what I need you to do!
:'''Beatriz:''' And here's mine!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You want me to work on the show?
:'''Beatriz:''' Claro que si, we haven't had a page on set in ages.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' But I'm not ... ''[looks over the girls]'' ...able to think of one reason why I would pass this up.
:''[Screen cuts to Noah looking out the door. He sees the chief page and closes the door quickly, after that, the scene changes back to Rex carrying boxes of water with yogurt on top.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got your yogurt, but I couldn't find the water you wanted. So I got these.
:'''Isabella:''' You are dead to me! But I will take this one. ''[takes yogurt]''
:''[Rex stares in shock and drops the boxes full of water.]''
:''[Old man walks in a dressing room, and Reynaldo comes out soon later.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, it's Reynaldo! Uh, coffee? ''[offers him a mug of coffee]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Gracias.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Leche?
:'''Reynaldo:''' How dare you! I am lactose intolerant.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh, okay, didn't know that. Sugar?
:''[Reynaldo knocks the sugar out of his hand.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Real men take their coffee strong and hot. Are you suggesting that I am not a real man?
:''[Rex looks around and the phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex, where are you?
:'''Reynaldo:''' No phone! ''[Reynaldo knocks the phone out of his hand.]'' You will talk to me face to face. Mano a mano! ''[grabs Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait what are you... ''[Reynaldo pulls Rex away from table. Stage light falls where Rex was standing]'' ...Oh, thanks!
:''[Everyone runs up to them.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Not another accidente!
:'''Isabella:''' ''[scared]'' Ay. Dios mio! No!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's okay, I'm fine.
:'''Isabella:''' ''[pushes Rex down]'' My jogurt!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'd hate to be the guy that has to clean that up... ''[whispers to man though they look at him]'' Oh. ''[Reynaldo hands him the mop.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone was trying to kill us.
:'''Reynaldo:''' Someone is. The head of the studio is trying to kill our soap opera. That's why he put us in this accursed stage, with all these accidentes. But we... ''[another stage light falls and hits his head, he falls to the ground]'' Aahh... Por que? Ay.
:''[Rex looks up and sees a mongoose...runs after it...goes backstage. Sees clowns and a sign saying “Mongo”.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ugh! Clowns.
:''[The mongoose squeaks.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Lemme guess. You're the one who's been causing all the accidents.
:''[Mongo growls, bears teeth]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, let's say we can wrap this up quietly. Last thing I need is someone wondering why the guy in the page jacket can do this. ''[wraps Mongo up in the whip thing, Mongo gets tiny, escapes, growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Guess that explains how you've been able to hide out back here. ''[Mongo pulls lever cannon comes out of floor and fires at Rex. Platform falls Rex dodges. Mongo squeaks]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Can we please do this a little more quietly and with a lot less YOU trying to kill me?
:''[Mongo jumps into the “O” of his name on the sign.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Wait, that's you, isn't it? You just want your job back. I can help you. ''[reaches in and tries to cure him Mongo runs out and traps Rex's hand]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Enough with the booby traps, I'm trying to help you. ''[Mongo sets off another trap]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh-oh. [makes big fist, weight on rope swings and hits Rex, makes noise]
:'''Beatriz:''' What's going on back there?
:'''Isabella:''' Where is that page? I am beginning to wonder ...HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR HIM TO CLEAN UP MY JOGURT!!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Getting thrown around back stage]'' Ouch. ''[gets beat up by mechanical clowns]''
:''[Mongo cuts stars from ceiling they fall and cut Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ok, New plan-- First I smash your face, then I cure you.
:''[Mongo knocks over equipment]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. ''[grabs equipment, Mongo jumps on his arm, punches him and he falls]'' Oww! Look out!
:''[Actors run from set, Rex falls and smashes set]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uhh, okay here's the deal—all the accidents you've been having they were caused by an EVO backstage. It used to be a mongoose and now it wants it's old job back. ''[last wall of stage set falls behind him]''
:'''Beatriz:''' What are jou talking about?
:'''Isabella:''' We just saw you ruin our set.
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are trying to destroy this soap opera just like the rest of them! It is true what they say, this sound stage must be cursed for us to have such a horrible page such as you, Senior... ''[looks at name badge]'' Noah Nixon.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, wait. This isn't Noah's fault.
:''[Three actors gasps]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' ''[tears off his own shirt]'' Now you insult us by talking about yourself in the third person! Somehow we must rebuild and finish our shoot! But as soon as we do, Noah Nixon, I will have you fired!
:''[Workers fixing set, Rex's phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex! Finally. How's the jacket?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Umm. Well, the good news is you won't notice the stain anymore. Hey uh, by the way, your page training, did it include anything about the creepy backstage in studio B?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' What? Why are you--
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No reason. I was just thinking, hypothetically, what would happen if I used your jacket to take a quick peek at the telenovela and ended up chasing some killer EVO mongoose? Hypothetically... Uh...Noah?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Sorry, just trying to figure out how to tell my parents I have no future.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey I got this. I hit a little snag. Just keep your pants on.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[sitting the maintenance closet in his underwear]'' Heh!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry, look, you don't have anything to worry about all I have to do is catch the EVO before they finish shooting and clear my... your name.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' You know what? I'm not worried. I am completely resigned to the fact that I am losing my job. ''[Noah hangs up on Rex. Rex hears dial tone.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' ''[to Reynaldo]'' You are bleeding!
:'''Reynaldo:''' What I am is an actor! We must shoot this scene. We cannot let them cancel us! ''[moans and falls on his face crushing a chair]''
:'''Beatriz:''' You cannot go on.
:'''Isabella:''' If only there were someone else here who knows our show, is fluent in Spanish, and will do a scene in which he kisses me.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'll do it!!!
:'''Reynaldo:''' You? The one who ruined our set and lied about the EVO? I'd rather die! But then, my life will surely end if the show is canceled, so maybe... But no! It's impossible. But yet, what is more impossible than a dream. Nothing means more than my dream of saving this telenovela!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' So, is that a--
:'''Reynaldo:''' Si. You will be our savior. And then I will have you fired. Accion!
:''[Rex is dressed as Reynaldo. Takes Isabella in his arms and looks deep into her eyes, smiles..then turns away, sees Mongo and gasps. Isabella pulls his face back to her and puckers for a kiss. Mongo squeaks and runs out the door and Rex turns his eyes towards it.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[thinking]'' Okay no kiss, but you're gonna save Noah's job! ''[groans]'' Nope. Doesn't make it any better. ''[Runs out Isabelle runs after him, trips on his wig and falls to the ground gasping, reaching after him]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[makes Rex Ride to chase Mongo down alley. Runs into a set. Falls]'' Where'd you go?
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Page! Take this script to post, pronto.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait, I'm not--
:'''Guy in suit:''' Oh? You're not going to do it? Are you talking back to me Mr.... Nixon?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. Mr. Nixon is not definitely not talking back to whoever you are. ''[takes script, leaves]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[Points in the other direction of where Rex was going. Rex goes where he's pointing]''
:''[Rex walks by alley hears Mongo munching garbage, sneaks up, tries to cure it. It escapes, Rex corners it in dead end alley]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Oh you're not so tough when you can't hide, are you? ''[Mongo growls and grows huge]'' Oh so you can do that too. ''[Mongo roars, swipes at Rex with claws]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, watch the jacket. I'm in enough trouble already. ''[Sets down scripts. Big fists. Mongo shrinks to escape. Rex falls to the ground. Mongo gets huge again behind him, tries to stomp on Rex, Rex rolls out of the way, Mongo shrinks and runs away, Rex climbs out of hole in ground breathing heavily and falls to ground.]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' ''[walks up]'' Are you kidding me? You still haven't delivered that script? ''[Rex runs off]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[points in other direction, Rex runs that way]''
:''[Mongo jumps off roof grows huge lands on Rex, grabs script.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, gimme that! ''[grabs Mongo with big fist throws him into a stage building]''
:''[Rex looks in the hole into the stage.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. ''[runs off after Mongo]''
:''[Mongo throws him higher than the roof tops, Rex lands on big feet, Mongo tackles him. Rex lands in front of the post building, grabs remains of script out of Mongo's mouth. Mongo runs away, Rex gathers script remains and hands it to man at post door.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I think this is for you. ''[runs after Mongo]''
:''[Phone rings]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Did you catch it?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Not yet, but I delivered a script for you, well, most of it.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I am so dead.
:'''Lady with clipboard:''' ''[grabs Rex by the collar]'' Noah Nixon, you're right on time for your two p.m. tour. ''[Gives Rex clipboard and keys]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Driving tram with tourists]'' Uh, there's a building where some TV shows are made and there's another one and oh great there's the giant killer EVO.
:''[Mongo chasing tram, Rex steps on gas. Tram goes sloooow. Mongo attacks tram. Rex lands, catches tourists with big hands, flies off on hoverboard]''
:'''Tourist:''' They had better special effects at my kids' school play.
:''[Back on soap opera stage]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I need a bigger reaction from you. Bigger!
:''[Rex crashes through ceiling with Mongo hanging on the bottom of his hoverboard, heading towards Isabella.]''
:''[Isabella screams and covers head, Mongo crashes into set]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Yes! That's it exactly!
:''[Mongo growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Be careful or you're gonna get the hand. ''[big fists with right hand. Mongo jumps at him, Rex grins and raises his left hand and cures Mongo. Mongo lays on ground cute and unconscious.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' That's not the hand I meant.
:''[Actors, stunned, applaud]''
:''[Rex picks up Mongo.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are a good page, Noah Nixon.
:''[Mongo wakes up runs around on Rex and perches on his shoulder cutely.]''
:''[At supply closet with Noah, Rex walks in holding torn up jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Oh, my jacket! ''[Cuddles jacket, then holds it up and glares at Rex through the hole in it. Rex grins guiltily.]''
:''[Head Page walks in, Noah hides jacket, then realizes he is in underwear and tries to hide himself behind jacket.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I got a dozen calls from all over the lot about you, Nixon. I don't know what you were thinking. ''[He sits down, sweat runs down his face, he closes his eyes, frowns, runs head away. Head page grabs him and hugs him.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I'm proud of you, kiddo! It took me sixty seven years to make chief page. I bet you'll get the job in half that time. ''[Noah stands up holding jacket in front of him. Rex and Noah look puzzled Head Page walks to door, turns back]''
:'''Head Page:''' Oh and them soap opera fellas, eh, they got a special reward for you. ''[they look at each other with puzzled frowns]''
:''[Telenovela stage, Noah dressed as Reynaldo. Isabella kisses him.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' And cut! You look differante than you did before, Noah Nixon. ''[Noah looks up at his blond eyebrows and takes off the wig and mustache. Smiles at Reynaldo. Reynaldo looks at him thoughtfully.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I can see you've been to makeup. Good you finally look like a real man! ''[Noah smiles.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' [peeking in from backstage, makes a jealous face as Noah is laughing together with the actors.] It's okay, it's okay. You're a good friend, you're a good friend.
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Quit talking to yourself and get me some coffee! ''[Rex runs off]'' Nixon!
:''[Mongo looking down from rafters]''

===Riddle of the Sphinx===
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' They uncovered the tunnel during routine sewer work. No one has set foot in here in over 3.500 years.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Providence doesn't work the location yet?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' ''[laughs]'' The antiquities comission does not like this Black Knight. They keep her busy with much paperwork.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The maze looks like it extends for miles. They do that to keep looters out?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' Or to keep something in.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Anything that was trapped in here couldn't be alive after all this time.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' I-I-I must go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''': Watch out! Bobby traps.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' That's not what I'm afraid of.
:'''Bobo:''' It's only been a few days since we heard from Holiday.
:'''Six:''' Something's wrong.
:'''Bobo:''' Maybe she wanted a vacation from you clowns. &quot;Something's wrong.&quot;
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Providence! She in is trouble.
:'''Six:''' Black Knight. And she has your better half.
:'''Bobo:''' I'm predictin' an awkward situation.
:'''Black Knight:''' Hello, Rex. If you came for your friend, I'll have to disappoint you.
:'''Rex:''' That hairy creep? You can keep the traitor. Hey! My faithful guide, why don't you go away while we discuss business?
:'''Bobo:''' It's me, you dopey tin can! Beat it! Or the boss lady's gonna get wise to our little switcheroo.
:'''Rex:''' What's the campout for?
:'''Black Knight:''' Routine scientific research.
:'''Rex:''' Look, I know Holiday was here. What'd you do with her?
:'''Black Knight:''' We arrived an hour ago. The locals say Holiday unleashed a monster down in the tunnels. The situation's under control. As soon as we've secured the tunnels, I'll send a team in to see if she's still alive.
:'''Rex:''' I'm going with you.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're going nowhere. You quit Providence. Unless you're recosindering?
:'''Rex:''' Come on, guide. Holiday's in those tunnels. But Black Knight has a whole battalion of Providence goons guarding the entrance.
:'''Six:''' I figured she'd be no help. That's why I found someone who knows a back way in.
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The Kushari is healthy. For the stomach, good.
:'''Rex:''' Enough about the Kushari! Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' For so young, you in such a hurry. And old cook like me, I live by selling Kushari. Why not buy some? You buy, I give you more information.
:'''Bobo:''' Ah, come on. Stop bein' so stingy. Buy some more.
:'''Six:''' Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The sewer man-- They came to fix a leak. They found the tunnel to the entrance in my basement.
:'''Bobo:''' Mmm!
:'''Rex:''' Way cool! Maybe we'll see some mummies!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Tell us where Holiday is!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Where do you think I am?
:'''Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Bobo:''' So, what's with the halloween get up, doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I found it in one of the chambers. Scares off the curious. I need to get to the bottom of all this before Black Knight.
:'''Rex:''' The bottom of what? This is all ancient history?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You can this ancient history?
:'''Rex:''' That looks like a nanite!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's because it is a nanite.
:'''Six:''' How could they have knowledge back then?
:'''Rex:''' Aliens! Like the ones that built the pyramids.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' None of this is more advanced that the 21st century. It's not aliens. I think the answers lie behind this door. But I can't figure out how to open it.
:'''Rex:''' Open the door? No problem, Doc!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Stop! This whole place is booby-trapped. We open this wrong, they'll bring the tunnels down on us.
:'''Rex:''' If there's a wrong way to open it, then that means there's a right way, too. Maybe the nanite picture is a clue. The whole thing is rigged like one. Told you-- No prob. Whoa, mumies.
:'''Bobo:''' What are you lookin' at, beautiful?
:'''Rex:''' Ha! Awesome! I'd love to see the look on Knight's face when she finds out we've beat her here.
:'''Black Knight:''' Then let me step a little closer so you can see.
:'''Six:''' How'd you find us?
:'''Black Knight:''' Your mole helped me.
:'''Bobo:''' Sorry, pal.
:'''Black Knight:''' I should have known better. It's old junk from the dead.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Guranset:''' Gharun Set is not dead.
:'''Rex:''' Put her down!
:'''Black Knight:''' This isn't the time for violence. Our host has forgotten his manners. I presume he hasn't had guests in a long time.
:'''Guranset:''' Almost an eternity. Gharun Set said has waited for his release. Awaken this cursed prison through the ages.
:'''Black Knight:''' You speak English. That is interesting. Who taught your own language, Gharun Set?
:'''Guranset:''' I was taught by the great father.
:'''Black Knight:''' Father? What did he look me?
:'''Guranset:''' He is dead-- As all of you soon shall be!
:'''Black Knight:''' Now's the time for violence.
:'''Guranset:''' Aah!
:'''Black Knight:''' A nanite disrupter. Something I had your brother's lab whip up. It's quite lethal.
:'''Rex:''' Looks like the lab forgot to tell him that.
:'''Guranset:''' The boy controls the engines of life? It can't be. I laid low the armies of six kingdoms, swordsman. You think your tiny blades can stop me?
:'''Rex:''' Try this one for size!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His staff is a nanite disrupter. Get it away from him.
:'''Rex:''' Easier said than done!
:'''Guranset:''' Haah!
:'''Rex:''' Oh, mummies!
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, yeah, you got your mummies. I hope you're happy!
:'''Six:''' Rex! We can handle this! He's getting away!
:'''Guranset:''' One last trap to keep me imprisoned, father. Nothing will keep me from my destiny! You serve his plan, child, and don't even know it.
:'''Rex:''' Everybody talk weird in ancient Egypt, or it is just your special thing? Uh... are they supposed to do that?
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Guranset:''' Finally! I am free!
:'''Six:''' These EVO's won't say dead.
:'''Bobo:''' Their breath stinks, too! Ah, boy!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You could thank me for saving your life.
:'''Black Knight:''' Dr. Holiday, our lives are not safe yet.
:'''Guranset:''' I am not alone. Together, we shall reconquer this land, and then.. the world!
:'''Rex:''' Uh, I think the sun's baked him loopy. You can't reanimate that. It's a statue.
:'''Guranset:''' This is not statue, child. It is a tomb. Arise, my mighty steed. Arise, my sphinx!
:'''Rex:''' Providence, this is Rex. You may want to evacuate Cairo.
:'''Guranset:''' This city is a blight upon my kingdom. All shall be as it once was.
:'''Rex:''' I'm warning you, Gharun Set-- I don't want to have to get rough with you. Step off the pussycat.
:'''Guranset:''' You presume to tell a pharaoph what to do. Be gone!
:'''Six:''' Holiday. There's something I want to tell you before it's too late.
:'''Bobo:''' Ugh. Hold still! Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All of them. Like the nanites keeping them alive... self-destructed? I'm sorry. What were you going to say?
:'''Six:''' Holiday... I, uh...
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hold that thought.
:'''Bobo:''' What's it gonna be, the kooky chicks or we go help Rex save the world?
:'''Six:''' Rex probably has this under control. Holiday needs my-- our help.
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, I can't resist a good catfight either.
:'''Rex:''' Let me handle! This it's too dangerous!
:'''Pilot:''' Black Knight, target sighted. It's riding a 50-foot-tall house cat. Please advise.
:'''Black Knight:''' Do not harm. Contain and capture. We need that specimen.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Pilot disregard. Last order. Target no longer needed. Destroy. Repeat-- Destroy.
:'''Pilot:''' You're with the lady. Lock and load.
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! Get out of here! I don't know what he's up to, but it's not good.
:'''Garunset:''' Behold the majesty of my dream. My kingdom! My paradise!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What is this place?
:'''Black Knight:''' It's the stuff of legends. The fabled hall of records which lay hidden beneath where the sphinx once was.
:'''Bobo:''' &quot;Was&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This can't be! That's the helix splitter. And that looks like a nano-flux inducer. Caesar built the first prototype of one last year.
:'''Black Knight:''' I can't let you touch any of this. It's too unstable with age. When you blundered in the tomb, you set off a safeguard. Someone thought this room too dangerous for the world to know about.
:'''Bobo:''' Agreed. Let's scram!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't! Don't you know what this means to science? The knowledge in here is invaluable. It cannot be lost-- Again!
:'''Black Knight:''' It won't be! Now that we know where it is, we can dig it out later. We will study it. I promise you that.
:'''Six''': Holiday. Let it go.
:'''Guranset''': As father promised-- I will rule forever.
:'''Rex''': Forever is gonna be shorter than you think.
:'''Guranset''': No! Nooooo!
:'''Rex''': Aw, come on! I didn't hit you that hard!
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Rex''': What's happening to you?
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Guranset''': Aaaaaaaaah!
:''[Guranset grunts]''
:'''Guranset''': Do not touch your pharaoh.
:'''Rex''': You need help. Your nanites are dying of old age-- I think. It's like starting an old car. Uh, o-or a camel. Let me help you. I can fix your nanites, and then maybe--
:'''Guranset''': Lies!
:'''Rex''': You're in a strange time, a strange place. We have science, machines. We can help you. Trust us.
:'''Guranset''': Like you trust the woman you call Black Knight? I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it. Father told me of you... Rex.
:'''Rex:''' What? How do you know my--
:'''Guranset''': I would have helped the world. Ended the hunger, the wars. But now he will return. Avenge me. ''[Echoing]'' I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it.
&lt;hr width80/&gt;
:'''Black Knight:''' You wanted something?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The hall of records-- You can't keep it a secret. It must be studied. That hall--
:'''Black Knight:''' What hall?
:'''Rex:''' Why'd you do that?! Holiday said--
:'''Black Knight:''' Some secrets are best left buried under the sands, Rex.
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Gentleman. Dr. Holiday.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, what'd you want to tell me back in the tomb?
:'''Six:''' It can wait.
:'''Rex:''' Don't wait too long.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All those priceless artifacts. And we still don't know who created Gharun Set.

===Guy vs. Guy===
:''[Rex moans]''
:''[Rex shouts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:''[Noah laughs]''
:'''Noah:''' WHOO! Oh, yeah!
:'''Rex:''' Noah?
:'''Noah:''' Gotcha!
:'''Rex:''' This means war.
:'''Noah:''' Hey, tanner! What's up, Chris? Noelle, how's it going? You'll have to do better than that, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' I'm gonna get you, Noah. That's a promise.
:'''Noah:''' Aren't you forgetting something?
:'''Rex:''' Aah!
:''[Rex laughter]''
:'''Noah:''' Gotcha. Rex, I'm prank master supreme. Save yourself some pain and admit defeat.
:'''Rex:''' Never. I will get you!

===Double Vision===
: ''[The episode starts as a butterfly flies through plants in a flower shop. Suddenly, Rex is thrown into the shop window, making nearby civilians run away. Rex gets up and looks out of the broken glass, seeing a beastly plant EVO, a few people watching, and Agent Six slashing his swords around to evade the EVO's tentacles.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Pants and brushes leaves off his sleeve and puts on goggles.]'' Not bad!
: ''[Uses the Punk Busters to jump out of the shop and generates his Smack Hands to uppercut the EVO, causing it to crash into a nearby building.]'' But I'm better!
: ''[The EVO gets out of the glass windows and roars, attacking Agent Six.]''
: '''Agent Six:'''	''[Cuts off a tentacle and walks towards Rex.]'' Talk is cheap, Rex. Prove it.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Generating the Smack Hands.]'' No problemo.
: ''[The EVO rushes towards Rex, unfortunately, Rex grabs it and slams it onto the ground. A random girl is driving up the road on a moped. However, she is stopped as the EVO blocks the path.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Putting his hands up to assure the girl.]'' Nothing to worry about, I've got this handled. ''[Turns to EVO, whom is still on the floor.]'' Okay big guy, say adiós to those nasty nanites.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex kneels down to cure the EVO, flowers spout out of the EVO]'' Aw, for me? Does this mean we're dating?
: ''[Suddenly, the flowers shoot out some goo into Rex's face, making him slam onto the floor, a crowd forms around the battle.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Yelps while getting up and pulls his goggles off and wipes the goo off his face.]'' Oh, that's better. ''[He gives his goggles to the random female on the moped]'' Hey! Watch these for me. ''[Runs back into battle and generates the Punk Busters and kicks the blacked out EVO over a building.]'' Goal! Hey thanks for holding onto my...huh?...
: ''[Rex turns around to see the girl missing from the crowd. Deforming his Punk Busters, he spots the girl riding away on her moped. She turns to look back at Rex, appearing to have on his goggles.]''
: '''Rex:''' Goggles!
: ''[Rex puts one of his hands up to signal for her to wait, but the EVO returns and wraps its tentacle around Rex's neck. The EVO twists Rex in mid-air in the sky for a minute before slamming him onto the cement. Rex gets up and sees the goggle girl riding away out of sight.]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! You've got my...ungh...goggles... Aah! Ungh! Did you see that girl?! She stole my goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Priorities, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' They are my priority, Six. I can pound EVOs any day. Those goggles are-- Ah, great. Who invited her?
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, gentlemen. We've got this covered.
: '''Rex:''' We don't need any help. Whoa! Whoa! Ungh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Obviously. Control collar-- Now. We'll take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Take it from whe-e-re?! I've already got this under contro-o-o-o-l! Whoa! Ugh! Let me try to cure it.
: '''Black Knight:''' The new Providence protocol is to confine, constrain and control. If curing is an option, it will be considered-- At my discretion.
: '''Rex:''' Control? I can cure it now and end this.
: '''Black Knight:''' The offer still stands. If you want to come back to Providence, you can continue your mission.
: '''Rex:''' I have my mission!
: '''Black Knight:''' Curing every EVO on Earth isn't a mission, Rex. It's an impossibility.
: '''Rex:''' Watch me.
: '''Black Knight:''' Everybody back! Contain those seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' You just made it worse! Now I've got to clean up your mess. Starting with this guy. See? Fearing works!
: '''Black Knight:''' It was your actions that exacerbated this situation. I want full containment and control over those seedlings. Move out-- Now.
: '''Agent Six:''' While you were arguing, Holiday found another sprout. Let's go deal with that before Providence does.
: '''Rex:''' But-- My goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Focus, Rex. We've got work to do.
: '''Rex:''' Nice work!
: '''Agent Six:''' Drop in the bucket. Look below.
: '''Rex:''' Wow. And I thought I'd be able to knock off early today.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' On the contrary, Rex. By overlaying current worldwide wind patterns on top of international population centers, we're looking at total global infestation within thirty-eight hours.
: '''Bobo:''' Ooh, that's a lot of roughage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I need to get in the field and obtain some live samples. Bobo and I will meet you at the rendezvous point in the mobile command center.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, doc. We're almost there. Hey! It's that girl! Wh-o-o-o-oa!
: '''Agent Six:''' What's gotten into you, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' My goggles-- I can't see without them!
: '''Agent Six:''' Obviously, you can see without them.
: '''Rex:''' Well, yeah, but I really need them a lot of the time. Don't you remember when I first got them?
: '''Agent Six:''' Actually, no.
: '''Rex:''' Oh. Sorry. My bad. It was early on, when I was just learning to control my powers. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Aaaah! Aah! Aaaaah! Oof!
: '''Agent Six:''' Horse manure.
: '''Rex:''' This is exactly why I need my goggles! Hey! I thought this thing was just a sprout!
: '''Agent Six:''' It's the nature of plants to grow.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Very Zen of you, Six. Well, it's the nature of me to kick EVO butt! Whoa! Oof! Yuck! This stuff really stinks!
: '''Agent Six:''' All yours.
: '''Rex:''' Ta-da! And for my next trick... Oh, and look who's late to the party.
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[Entering]'' Alpha team, I want you to lay down suppressive fire and--
: ''[Realizing the EVOs not there]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Belay that. Sit Ops, I was told we had a Class-Three EVO situation here. Where is the EVO?
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex hands her flowers]'' Sorry. This is all that's left. Six, are we good here? I've got to run.
: '''Agent Six:''' I'd put those in water.
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Rex:''' Slow down! I just want to-- Ungh!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What?! No way! Hey! You've got my-- Ugh! Whoa! ...Goggles.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got bigger problems than a girl on a scooter, Rex. First a flower shop, then gardening supplies. It's getting hungrier. Gentlemen, I suggest you get to the sewage-treatment plant as quickly as possible.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Why?
: '''Agent Six:''' Fertilizer, Rex, as in if those sprouts chow down on that much raw nourishment, we're in some deep...
: ''[Plant EVO bursts through a nearby wall]''
: '''Rex:''' ...Horse maneure. Hungry? Eat this!
: '''Agent Six:''' Holiday, get to the sewage plant. We'll meet you there after we clean up.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Clean up? I'd rather make a mess! Shoulda brought my chainsaw.
: '''Agent Six:''' Shoot the seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, this time I'm going to--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! Wait! Aw, man! Back off!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Bobo:''' You went a little nuts there, buddy. I like it! But... Goggles?
: '''Rex:''' That EVO interrupted before I could finish the story.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Agent Six:''' Here, kid. Try these on.
: '''Rex:''' Um, so I can look like a total doofus?
: '''Agent Six:''' You have no idea how unique these goggles are, Rex. A reclusive weaponsmith in Zurich crafted this single pair before he turned EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Really? And then what happened to him?
: '''Agent Six:''' I did. He won't be crafting any more goggles.
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Agent Six:''' These are one-of-a-kind, Rex-- Special, for you.
: '''Bobo:''' What a bunch of chimp chips! Those goggles are-- Whoa!
: '''Rex:''' Wow. That is a lot of rampaging EVO.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. Lucky holiday-- She's right in the thick of it.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky?
: '''Bobo:''' She gets to try out all the special modifications I made to that sweet ride.
: ''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Plant EVO has Holiday trapped inside the Mobile Command Center]'' Okay. Let's see how you like 10,000 volts of--
: ''[Holiday presses a button, and music starts playing]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo's mix tape?! Who puts the stereo next to the weapons system?! One more time-- Big red button. Always go for the big red button. Unless you don't want to drain the batteries to zero.
: ''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo, your improvements could use some improvements. Rex, if you're not too busy, I'd appreciate a little assistance.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, ain't that your girlfriend?
: '''Agent Six:''' She can take care of herself, right, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' Right-- For now.
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's more like it. Ungh! Fine! Let's see how you like this! I don't know what you just did, Rex, but thanks. Rex?
: '''Black Knight:''' I admit our last encounter didn't end well, but I think we need to work together on this one.
: '''Rex:''' You want to work together? We left Providence, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex--
: '''Rex:''' What happened to &quot;stay out of my way&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' So now when you need somebody to take out your trash, you can just forget that I quit your crummy organization?
: '''Black Knight:''' Yes, Rex, I can, because I don't let my emotions guide my choices. I only want what's best for Providence-- And the world.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, cool. Just wanted to hear you say it. Aah!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, the EVO is too big to cure without getting to its core.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, I'm not doing much good out here!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All those vines, the seedlings, everything-- They're just puppets to the plant. Stop those nanites in the core, and you cut the strings.
: '''Rex:''' On it! Huh?!
: '''Agent Six:''' Watch it, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! All I want are my goggles. All I've wanted all day are my goggles, and this EVOs been blocking me over and over! Hey, Bobo, you know how to shoot one of these?
: '''Bobo:''' Eh, how hard could it be?
: '''Rex:''' Load me into this thing and point it right at that EVO's sweet spot. And hurry. I got better stuff to do.
: '''Bobo:''' You do know that's 30,000 gallons of raw sewage you're aimin' at?
: '''Rex:''' Don't remind me. Oh... Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck!
: '''Agent Six:''' Elegant solution, Rex.
: '''Bobo:''' You don't smell elegant. You stink worse than me. I'm a little jealous.
: '''Black Knight:''' All right, Rex. Get to work.
: '''Rex:''' Work? What do you mean? I just served that vegetable!
: '''Black Knight:''' You cut the strings, but you still have to fix the puppets.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' She's right, Rex.
: '''Black Knight:''' You want to cure the world? Start curing.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, man, I'm beat! I don't think I can move another inch if you paid me.
: ''[Goggle girl rides past him]''
: '''Rex:''' Gotta move! See ya! Hey! Stop for a second! Six, I'm really starting to think this girl's got some kind of EVO action going on-- Teleporter, speedster, something.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Six, she's not just a teleporter. She can make doubles of herself-- Multiple abilities! She's an EVO, like me!
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the skeevy guy who's been chasing me. He was chasing me, too. And me. What do you want?
: '''Rex:''' You took my goggles! I want them back!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey, Einstein, did you see our logo? That stands for &quot;Goggle Girl&quot;, as in the delivery service. You haven't ever heard of us?
: '''Rex:''' Um... No.
: '''Goggle girl:''' &quot;Nothing is cuter than a girl on a scooter.&quot; Kind of hard to miss.
: ''[Goggle girl groans]''
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the worst slogan ever.
: '''Rex:''' But-- But my goggles!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Part of our costume. The boss buys them in bulk, along with these cheesy wigs he makes us wear. It's kind of lame.
: '''Rex:''' In bulk?! Those goggles?! But... They're one-of-a-kind! They're special! They're-- They're... I'll just go now. Nope. Nope. Definitely not.
: '''Agent Six:''' I still don't know why those goggles were so important to you.
: '''Rex:''' You gave to me, Six. It was the first present, the first nice thing that I remember getting since you found me. You said they were special, and that made me feel special.
: '''Six:''' Yes, about those goggles... Apparently, according to Bobo, I may have misled you. There was dozens of them in the Providence service bay.
: '''Rex:''' I knew the story was fake, but you told it because you cared about me. That's what made them special.
: '''Agent Six:''' I see.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, champ. You got a package.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Sign, please.
: '''Agent Six:''' It's for you. From us. Just open it.
: '''Rex:''' My goggles!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Better. We commissioned an enhanced version.
: '''Rex:''' Cool! Infrared... Microscopic... Nanovision?! Thanks, you guys. You really are one-of-a-kind.
: '''Bobo:''' Those are great, but these are me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need to hold on to them for a few more hours while I run a full diagnostic.
: '''Rex:''' A few hours?! I just got them! Aw!
: '''Bobo:''' Here-- Because I care.
: '''Goggle girl:''' They actually look kinda cute.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, doc! No rush!
: '''Bobo:''' Ain't love grand?

===Black and White===
: '''Calan:''' Be advised, we've got activity. Major activity. Stop right there, or we'll shoot! Don't make me do it.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''Calan:''' Calan to command, tell Black Knight-- We have apprehended the intruders. Repeat, we got'em.
: '''Rex:''' No! Get out of my head! Stop it! Stop! Stop with the talking! A dream. Oh, thank you! For a second, I swore that I heard his voice. It was almost like he was in the-- Room. Huh?!
: '''White Knight:''' I was wondering if I was gonna have to send the monkey in with a bucket of water. But I thought, &quot;why should he have all the fun?&quot; Five minutes-- Situation room. Consider this your wake-up call.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't you supposed to be playing dead? You're lucky Black Knight doesn't know you're here.
: '''White Knight:''' Black Knight thinks what I want her to think. With the installation of the new regime, I suspected that there was more going on at providence than just this new control protocol. I decided to test my hypothesis. I needed time to operate freely without prying eyes. So I went off the grid.
: '''Rex:''' And from the smell of it, you haven't changed out of your suit since then.
: ''[Bobo sniffs]''
: '''White Knight:''' I've been busy. I've been tracking their operations. They involve familiar locales and even more familiar machinery.
: '''Rex:''' You still use a camera with film? Do they even make that stuff anymore?
: '''White Knight:''' What they don't make are machines like these. This is the wreckage of Rylander's lab.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Are they doing what I think they're doing?
: '''Rex:''' Do what?
: '''White Knight:''' It appears that this new Providence is restarting the nanite program.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way my brother would help restart something that nearly destroyed the world. There's got to be a good explanation. We should just ask him.
: '''White Knight:''' We can't risk direct contact. We need to infiltrate Providence, download her computer banks, and assess how far along they are before we take any other actions.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over there.
: '''Rex:''' Just saying there's more here than meets the eye. Whoa!
: '''Six:''' Breaking into Providence? That's a big move, even for you. Black Knight is sure to have enhanced the security systems. We may be able to breach the perimeter defenses, but once inside, we'd be blind targets.
: '''White Knight:''' You'd be right if we were playing on her board.
: '''Six:''' Forgive me for doubting you.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, is someone gonna tell me what these are for? This is so not going to work.
: '''Six:''' Trust the plan.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, so, maybe they worked. But how'd you get them to do it on cue?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All a matter of timing. Assuming we get past the outer perimeter, securing the data is a completely different story. Providence encrypts all data. We need to disable multiple units before we can download anything off the mainframe. Doing that undetected is ''[sighs]'' insane.
: '''Rex:''' Finally, a voice of reason. I'm calling my brother. Took the lady with three phds to realize what I've been saying all along is right. Hey, that costs money! I'm over my minutes!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you... This is...
: '''Six:''' Doable.
: '''Rex:''' Do what? What is that? A secret passage.
: '''White Knight:''' When they built the tower, I had them install, these-- Upper-management corridors.
: '''Six:''' In the old days, they called passages like these the king's road.
: '''White Knight:''' From here, we face some unknowns. Stick to the plan. Or we could die.
: '''Rex:''' What?! Me?! What about you?! Part of the plan was to do this quietly.
: '''Calan:''' Stop right there, or we'll shoot!
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Here we go. Ok, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''White Knight:''' Stand down, Rex.
: ''[Calan laughs]''
: '''Calan:''' Welcome back, sir. We've been waiting for you.
: '''Rex:''' Que, huh?
: '''Calan:''' Sorry for the scare, Rex. We couldn't guarantee the Black Knight wasn't taper our communications. It was best to keep radio silence. In any case-- Say hello to your man on the inside. He've got a bomb! All units, fall back, fall back! Captain Calan, do you copy? Report.
: '''White Knight:''' Ready for a repeate performance?
: '''Calan:''' Ready when you are, sir. Good luck, everyone. They're headed for the... petting zoo.
: '''Holiday:''' Here it is. Just like he said.
: '''White Knight:''' This is the Hive. The central nervous system of the entire complex. An electric field protects the inner chambers. We'll need the circuit bandage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I've got an idea, but you'll have to go in partially naked. We've got eyes everywhere.
: '''Six:''' Good. Knight and I will handle the encryption towers. You know what to do with this.
: '''Rex:''' No sweat. I'm on it. Just have to make one quick detour. Bro? You in here? Oh, no. No, no, no!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, is that you? What brings you here?
: ''[Six groans]''
: '''Six:''' Partially naked. Tower one clear. Proceed to next phase.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Got it. Redirecting the data flow now.
: '''Calan:''' Anyone hear for the monkey?
: '''Rex:''' Huh?!
: '''Bobo:''' Offical pet desk. Keep your distance.
: '''Rex:''' Is that Dr. Rylander?
: '''Caesar:''' It is. Well, almost. After you brought back Van Kleiss, I couldn't help but to wonder if perhaps I might do the same for him. Unfortunately, Van Kleiss was already great in tune the nanites. As you can see, Dr. Rylander-- wasn't.
: '''Rex:''' Ok, whatever. Listen, I'm here on a secret mission.
: '''Caesar:''' Secret? 
: '''Rex:''' White Knight said--
: '''Caesar:''' White Knight is alive?
: '''Rex:''' If you can call him that. Anyway, he says... you might wanna sit down for this part? That Black Knight is restarting the nanite program. Don't you think that's messed up?
: '''Caesar:''' On the contrary. I'm in charge of it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Commencing download in T-2 minutes. White Knight has infiltrated sector three. You're right. They are monitoring our movements. How did you know?
: '''White Knight:''' It's what I would do. Now start evac protocols.
: '''Black Knight:''' I've torn this facility apart looking for that? When I found it, I still couldn't get to it. Bio-feed security system-- Clever. You have to be nanite-free to open it. I guessed you weren't dead. I knew if I let enough info leak about what we're doing here, you've showed up, eventually. I'll take it.
: '''White Knight:''' You can try.
: '''Black Knight:''' What ever you say. You were the boss.
: '''White Knight:''' That's not a providence toy.
: '''Black Knight:''' A woman is entitled her secrets. Especially when those secrets keep me alive.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh! What I could've done with you if I hired you first.
: '''Black Knight:''' Don't fool yourself, White.
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh, ohh, ohh!
: '''Black Knight:''' You were bandage at best. the Consortium knew that you weren't the leader for the future. Stand down, old man!
: '''White Knight:''' I've got a few secrets of my own, kid. After all, this was my office. Consortium or not, it will be again.
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Be advised, they're on to us. Making for the rendezvous.
: '''Six:''' I'll take my swords back now. Please.
: '''Rex:''' What are you doing, helping Black Knight? She's obviously the more psycho of the two knights.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm not helping the Black Knight do anything. I'm trying to fix things. The day everything changed. We never imagined what would happen when we released the nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Release them?! You caused the nanite event?!
: '''Caesar:''' It was the only way we were going to save the world.
: '''Rex:''' You unleashed the worst man-made disaster the world has ever seen!! You've ruined countless lives!! How can you say that you saved anything?!
: '''Caesar:''' You weren't there... not in any way that mattered! If we hadn't--
: '''Rex:''' Hold that thought. Here, doggy, doggy.
: '''Six:''' Excessive?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Sweet, actually. Now you're overdoing it.
: '''White Knight:''' ''[panting]'' Are we finished here? ''[screams]'' Careful, Black. Your council wouldn't be too pleased if you destroyed the very thing you're after.
: '''Black Knight:''' If doesn't have to be like this, White! The Consortium may have lost faith in you, but you know my methods are right. Come back. Under my protection, who knows? There may even be a promotion in it for you.
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' I am going to stop the Consortium. If you or Providence gets in my way, this tape goes public.
: '''Black Knight:''' Wait!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, stop! You're destroying my work!
: '''Rex:''' Your work is done! And so are we! I got it. Time to blow this--
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, Rex. Face it, kiddo... today is not your day.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, today's wednesday, and wednesday means fiesta night at the cafeteria. Getting in is going to be cake... very dangerous cake. Any bright ideas on how we're getting out?
: '''Bobo:''' I got one word for you, kid-- Plumbing.
: '''Rex:''' I got it. Time to blow this...
: '''Bobo:''' Taco stand.
: '''White Knight:''' Aah!
: '''Bobo:''' Me and Van Gogh, unappreciated in our time.
: '''Rex:''' All of that-- Was for that?! I got nanites, billions of 'em.
: '''White Knight:''' Not like this one, Rex. This is a Meta Nanite. One of several. Hardwired into its design is a program for the original Dominion Code.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Dominion Code? I thought that was a myth.
: '''White Knight:''' I can assure you, doctor, it is very real. Each one gives its host control over different building blocks of the universe- matter, antimatter, elemental, space, time, reality. With the complete code, you can control them. And through them, you control ''everything''. In sort, it's the God Code.
: '''Rex:''' The Consortium want to be...gods?
: '''White Knight:''' If it wasn't for the original Nanite Event scattering the Metas across the globe, they may have already succeeded. The situation has changed, people. Black Knight has been searching the globe for the other Meta-Nanites. She needs them all to complete the Master Program. As long as we're keeping her secret, she'll hold off. But sooner or later, she'll be coming for this with the full power of Providence and the Consortium at her back. So... if you want to move on, forget what I've told you.
: '''Rex:''' You're not getting rid of us that easily, old man. My parents died for this. Black Knight wants war, war she gets.

===Deadzone===
: '''Noah:''' You said it was gonna be fun. You said there'd be hot girls, great bands.
: '''Rex:''' It was an honest mistake. They called it the world's largest british rock festival.
: '''Noah:''' Yeah, because it was a convention for english geologists!
: '''Rex:''' Okay, yes, maybe we did just drive two days for some boring science conference because I didn't actually read past the first paragraph of the website. But we did get some cool free Schwag. Look!
: '''Noah:''' I've seen it. It's a pile of rocks!
: '''Rex:''' No, look!
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! What are you doing? Leave me alone!
: '''Rex:''' Pull over.
: '''Noah:''' You know that guy?
: '''Rex:''' Nope. But I know an opportunity to tweak the Black Knight when I see one.
: '''Noah:''' No way. I haven't showered in two days. You real haven't showered in two days. This car is not stopping until we get home. Real mature.
: '''Rex:''' Just give me five minutes. I'll grab him before they even notice. Think of it this way. At least something fun will come out of this trip. Shh.
: '''Feakins:''' I don't understand what you're saying, guy.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Providence Agent:''' Just take a stay back, Rex. You don't know what you're messing with here.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, you do know what you're messing with! This! Huh?
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! Who's messing with this?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Anything you want to add to that smack talk?
: ''[Rex chuckles nervously]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Providence Agent:''' Let's go.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know what you did to my powers, but I'd keep the hands off the jacket, if I were you. Uh, on second thought, take the jacket. Thinking about a new one anyway.
: '''Providence Agent:''' We're gonna bring him with us? He's harmless as long as we've got Feakins.
: '''Rex:''' What's a Feakin?
: '''Noah:''' Come on, Rex. You gonna stand there all night getting hugs from your old Providence buddies?
: '''Rex:''' No, don't! Or, uh, you're gonna make Agent Six over there even more mad than he already is.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Providence Agent:''' Move!
: '''Feakins:''' Aah! What are you doing, guy?!
: '''Noah:''' So, what's--
: '''Rex:''' Drive! Drive!
: '''Noah:''' Aah! Who is he?! What's going on?
: '''Rex:''' Who are you? What's going on?
: '''Feakins:''' Do either of you have a milkshake?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Pull over!
: '''Noah:''' You want to get them to stop that? What happened?
: '''Rex:''' Let me guess. You're Feakins.
: '''Feakins:''' Yeah, and I am very queasy back here! If we don't get me a milkshake, it's not gonna be my fault if my lunch ends up all over this very nice leather seat!
: '''Rex:''' Somehow he's fritzing out my powers. It's like there's a deadzone around him.
: '''Noah:''' You talking about nanites or his personality?
: '''Providence Agent:''' No more warnings. Pull over!
: '''Noah:''' Whoa!
: ''[Noah gasps]''
: '''Feakins:''' We're not gonna make it!
: '''Noah:''' Yes, we are! This is a '77! They don't make'em like this anymore! WHOO-HOO! Aah!
: ''[Noah gasps]''
: '''Noah:''' That was a '77! They don't make'em anymore! My granddad's gonna kill me!
: '''Rex:''' Looks like he'll have to wait in line.
: ''[Feakins gasps]''
: '''Feakins:''' How great is this?! You guys were at the convention, too?
: '''Rex:''' Come on! If we get out of here now, they'll spend the next couple hours looking for the car before they figure out where it went.
: '''Feakins:''' So, what's your favorite geological area? I'm a proterozoic man. Of course, the hadean has its merits, too.
: '''Noah:''' You couldn't take five minutes to read the whole website?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Noah:''' Thank you! I can't tell you how glad we are you're open. I just want to get cleaned up and get some sleep.
: '''Feakins:''' Hold on! Pardon me, but what kind of room service does this establishment offer? What if I want a milkshake?
: '''Rex:''' And that kind of brings you up to date, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Well, that explains why you suddenly dropped of my tracking grid. The good news is, the deadzone Feakins creates means the Black Knight can't use your nanites to track you either.
: '''Rex:''' Now that Feakins isn't right next to me, it's not as bad. I can still feel them. It's just that they feel all fuzzy. I bet if I put some distance between us, my powers would bounce right back.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You cannot let him out of your sight, Rex. Don't you see why Black Knight wants him? He's the ultimate insurance against any EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Not just any. Me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got to hang on to him. I'm on my way to you now. 
: '''Rex:''' Hey, don't worry about me. I-I may not have my powers, but I've got Noah. We can handle things until you get here.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Just stay put and don't draw attention to yourself.
: '''Feakins:''' I know this is your motel! But judging by your office, you and me got a different idea of what &quot;clean&quot; means! Can you believe that guy!
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, the last part might be a problem, doc.
: '''Feakins:''' Oh. Okay if you guys take this bed?
: '''Noah:''' Providence we can deal with. It's him I'm worried about.
: '''Black Knight:''' Speak.
: '''Black Pawn:''' We lost them.
: '''Black Knight:''' I want every asset we have in the state mobilized. Do you understand? Find them!
: '''Noah:''' No way! You picked out this disguise. You wear it.
: '''Feakins:''' I didn't know it was made of acrylic! You want me to have a relapse of my eczema? 'Cause it won't be pretty! I get all flaky!
: '''Rex:''' Guys, the whole point of the disguises is to not attract attention.
: '''Noah:''' Fine! Why do I always have to be the mature one?
: '''Rex:''' Come on.
: '''Feakins:''' We've only got a couple hours to get to our new rendezvous with Holiday.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't you going to demand a milkshake?
: '''Feakins:''' Thanks, guy.
: '''Noah:''' What?! All you've done is moan about milkshakes. Because we were in a car. I don't get airsick.
: '''Feakins:''' So, why would I need a milkshake? But if there's a decent sushi bar nearby--
: ''[Noah groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Wait.
: ''[Feakins sneezes]''
: '''Feakins:''' What? I said I was allergic to acrylic!
: '''Rex:''' Hang on!
: '''Feakins:''' Whoa. You gotta stop this thing.
: '''Noah:''' You gotta be kidding me!
: '''Feakins:''' It's not my fault I got a delicate stomach!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! This isn't even really a car!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Those two agents on the plane are gonna call in others. We gotta go!
: '''Noah:''' How are we gonna get anywhere without a car?
: '''Rex:''' We've got a chance we can get on a train.
: '''Noah:''' It's pitch dark. We're never gonna find the tracks before that train passes!
: ''[Feakins laughs]''
: '''Feakins:''' Yeah, very funny. Come on, guy, quit joking around.
: '''Noah:''' What are you talking about?
: '''Feakins:''' Well, given the shale and quartz in this soil, the train tracks have to be down that way. I mean, that's just obvious stuff to rock lovers like us, am I right? I don't believe it! An entire train car filled with ice cream... And there's no blender!
: '''Noah:''' So close, and yet no milkshake.
: '''Rex:''' Well, I'm starved. Let's eat. We're all gonna need our strength. Cherry-Berry Chunky Nut?
: '''Feakins:''' I'm allergic to ice cream.
: '''Rex:''' How can you love milkshakes and be allergic to ice cream?
: '''Noah:''' Do you really want to hear him answer that?
: '''Rex:''' Look, I'm sorry. I know it's been a crazy day for you.
: '''Feakins:''' I woke up yesterday thinking I was just a regular accountant who loved rocks... Only to discover that I'm actually this super-important guy who everyone's after because I got some kind of amazing power!
: '''Rex:''' Lucky you. Move! Move! We're close. We're going to make it to Holiday.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, I can't stay here. We'll have to meet somewhere else.
: '''Rex:''' I see the perfect place.
: '''Black Knight:''' Let's end this game, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Black Knight?
: '''Feakins:''' I don't believe it. The Black Knight works at Bob's Biscuit Barn!
: '''Black Knight:''' Now that we've found you, there's nowhere to hide. It should not have taken the most advanced satellite system in the world this long to pinpoint them. The excuses can wait. Right now, I want this wrapped up.
: '''Noah:''' How did Black Knight know where we were?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know.
: '''Noah:''' Even if you make it to the Holiday, is Black Knight just gonna find us?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know!
: '''Feakins:''' When are we gonna get a milkshake?!
: '''Rex:''' I don't know!
: '''Feakins:''' I'm in a car. It's moving. I'm getting queasy back here.
: '''Rex:''' Then get out of the car!
: '''Feakins:''' Aah!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Be advised-- Primary target Feakins is to be recovered alive if possible.
: '''Rex:''' You know how I said we don't get through this, with or without my powers? Well, it looks like I was wrong. They're after Feakins. That means &quot;Noah&quot; has a shot at making a break for it and getting to Holiday. Do you understand what I'm saying?
: '''Black Pawn:''' Let the breakaway go. And stay on the primary target.
: '''Rex:''' Huh. I guess they're not afraid of me with you standing here. Which is... Awesome!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Pull up! Pull up!
: '''Rex:''' Mwah! Man, have I missed you!
: '''Noah:''' Guess I don't need this anymore.
: '''Rex:''' I can't believe that plan actually worked.
: '''Noah:''' Feakins still has to make it to Holiday.
: '''Feakins:''' Oh, I'm not feeling so good.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa!
: '''Black Pawn:''' The primary target is unconventional. Ground units, reroute to intercept. We will cover.
: '''Rex:''' We're going after Feakins! Come on!
: '''Pilot:''' Ground units are down. Moving to pursue a primary target.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' Stay on Rex. If we don't engage him, he'll tear us apart.
: '''Noah:''' Whoa!
: '''Rex:''' Sit tight.
: '''Noah:''' Uh, where would I go?
: '''Rex:''' Mind if I borrow this?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Noah:''' Rex!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Providence Agent screams]''
: '''Rex:''' Ow! Hey, watch it! I'm still a little rusty here! These guys are tough.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah! Hang on to me!
: '''Noah:''' Aah! Whoa!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Where's Feakins?
: '''Rex:''' Oh, come on! This guy is killing me!
: '''Noah:''' Maybe he'll still coming.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't wait. Providence followed you here. What?
: '''Rex:''' We got him! Let's go!
: '''Noah:''' It's too late.
: '''Black Knight:''' Where is my visual?
: '''Black Pawn:''' They're just gone.
: '''Rex:''' What just happened?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's a prototype stealth device built into the lab. That's why I had to get you in here. It was the only way to get you out of Black Knight's sight.
: '''Noah:''' So, that's it?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's it. The good guys won.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, hey, by the way, doc, you're a big geology buff, aren't you? So, did we hook you up with the perfect safe house or what? You'll never have to worry about driving without a milkshake again.
: '''Feakins:''' Oh, it's great, guy. The only problem is the gas.
: '''Rex:''' Well, I'm sure we can kick in a little gas money, too.
: ''[Feakins farting]''
: '''Feakins:''' Yeah, that's not what I meant.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we can't stay.
: '''Rex:''' You got that right!
: '''Feakins:''' Wait. I just wanna say... Its not easy being thrown together with someone who can be a little, well... Difficult.
: '''Rex:''' Hey... You're not so bad.
: '''Feakins:''' Me?! I was talking about you!
: ''[Black Knight sighs]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Since the search for Feakins is going nowhere, we have no choice but to become much more aggressive... With Rex.

===Assault on Abysus===
: '''Diane Farrah:''' Through research and hard work, Providence has turned the curse of the EVO into a blessing. One that will serve mankind. Science and compassion have created a new future for all EVOs. A future filled with happiness and hope.
: '''Black Pawn:''' You? Seen some EVOs pass through here?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
*Rex and Circe finally admit their true feelings for one another. Unfortunately, there was not enough episodes to explore their romance further.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: ''[Somewhere in [[w:Hong Kong|Hong Kong, China]]'']''
: '''Circe:''' Okay. They're gone.
: '''Skywwd:''' For now. Get out of here, Circe. Run!
: '''Circe:''' I'm not leaving you guys.
: '''Skywwd:''' You can pass as human. Go-- Before Providence gets you too.
: '''Black Pawn:''' The girl! She's with them!
: '''Skwwyd:''' Run!
: '''Rex:''' Hmm? What's up?
: '''Circe:''' You're the only person I could turn to.
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' I don't know. That's the hardest part.
: '''Rex:''' You did what you had to do.
: '''Circe:''' I left them there, Rex. Our friends. Providence has to be stopped. Someone needs to do something.
: '''Rex:''' ''[puts his arms around Circe to comfort her]'' We are.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Am I disturbing you two?
: '''Rex:''' No.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight wants to talk with you.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh. What's he gonna yell at me for this time?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No, I meant Circe. He wants to talk to her.
: '''Circe:''' Providence has been hunting these down, too?
: '''White Knight:''' You didn't tell her about them, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' I thought the Master Control Nanites were supposed to be top secret.
: '''White Knight:''' She has to know if she's going to lead the mission.
: '''Rex:''' Her? That was supposed to be my mission.
: '''White Knight:''' It's no one's mission. It's about getting the job done.
: '''Circe:''' Why me?
: '''White Knight:''' Intelligence indicates that Providence has targeted a Master Control Nanite in Abysus. In Van Kleiss' old castle, to be more precise. You're the only one with the knowledge to get us in there.
: '''Rex:''' I've been there before. How hard could it be? Circe, you don't have to.
: '''Circe:''' If it helps stop Black Knight in Providence, I'm in.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, Doc. We made it. The new power suit gave me more range, just like you said.
: ''[Circe whistles]''
: '''Circe:''' Thanks, Banak. We're trying to keep a low profile. Don't tell anyone, okay?
: '''Rex:''' Good thing you knew the secret whistle or we might have been rooting around forever.
: ''[Rex chuckles]''
: '''Rex:''' Get it? &quot;Root&quot;? Uh... This can't be easy coming back here. I owe you.
: '''Circe:''' Forget it. We're even. I used you in the past, now you and your friends are using me.
: '''Rex:''' Is there some sort of problem between you and me?
: '''Circe:''' There's nothing between you and me. Just the mission. I don't have good memories of this place. Let's just leave it at that, okay?
: '''Rex:''' Fine. I'm surprised we haven't run into-- Ugh!
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Skalamander:''' Traitor! Stop her!
: '''Circe:''' Aah!
: '''Rex:''' Can you chill?! There's no time for this. Who's leading you now that Van Kleiss is gone? I need to speak to your leader. Figures. Biowolf, we have a problem. And... I need your help.
: '''Biowulf:''' I will listen.
: '''Rex:''' Great, because--
: '''Biowulf:''' Only after you. earn the right-- Through combat.
: ''[Biowulf growls]''
: ''[Rex spits]''
: '''Rex:''' At least Van Kleiss was civilized. Buckle up, dog boy.
: '''Biowulf:''' You may speak. This nanite you want-- It's not here. None of us have seen it up in the castle or the blast source.
: '''Rex:''' I didn't say up. It's down. White Knight thinks it's under the castle. Some other secure lab area.
: '''Biowulf:''' The primary chamber?
: '''Circe:''' It's under the castle? Van Kleiss always said it was forbidden for us to go there.
: '''Rex:''' You think he remembered to tell Black Knight that? Let me take it out of here.
: '''Biowulf:''' No! You're a traitor to your own kind. A lapdog to these humans. I've heard enough!
: '''Rex:''' All of us will fall-- All EVOs-- If she gets it. Black Knight is worse than you know. If I don't get the nanite out of here, Providence will take it.
: '''Biowulf:''' Providence! This is Abysus, the heart of the EVO world. Providence wouldn't dare.
: '''Circe:''' The sentries have spotted something.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. I wonder who.
: '''Providence Soldier:''' Black Knight, the assault forces are in place.
: '''Black Knight:''' The field is yours. We've secured the borders. No chance White Knight and his team will get in the country to interfere.
: '''Biowulf:''' The castle is surrounded.
: '''Rex:''' Standard operating procedure for Providence is to secure the perimeter, then close for attack. Black Knight will have snuck forces around back.
: '''Skalamander:''' How should we counter?
: '''Rex:''' Easy.
: '''Biowulf:''' You take your nanite. I'll decide how to deal with the invaders.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Deploy the collars. Rise. Forward. Attack.
: '''Rex:''' The nanite event blew away half the castle. This must have been deep enough to survive it. Huh? You hear that?
: '''Circe:''' No. Hear what?
: '''Rex:''' Uh... Nothing. This place would make a great rec room. Maybe a karaoke machine over there--
: '''Circe:''' Van Kleiss would send volunteers down here to try and get in. None of them ever came back.
: '''Rex:''' Well... That's encouraging.
: '''Circe:''' What is it?
: '''Rex:''' They're... I-I think they're nanites. They're following our lights. They can't see in the dark. I have a plan. Lead them back.
: '''Circe:''' ''[concerned]'' Rex?
: '''Rex:''' When I say &quot;roll,&quot; roll.
: '''Circe:''' What?!
: '''Rex:''' Roll! Circe, sing!
: ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic blasts on the EVOs and beams at Rex.]''
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Rex:''' We always made a good team.
: '''Circe:''' It won't hold them long.
: '''Rex:''' You think this is why Van Kleiss always wanted me-- So I could get him in here?
: '''Biowulf:''' Providence has breached the castle. We can't hold our position much longer.
: '''Rex:''' Go. I'll get the Master-Control Nanite. ''[Notices how worried Circe is about him probably not returning]'' This isn't Hong Kong. I'll be okay. I'll meet up with you soon.
: '''Biowulf:''' They've turned our own people against us.
: '''Circe:''' Let me see what I can do.
: ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic bursts on several collared EVOs]''.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: ''[Circe gasping]''
: '''Circe:''' So many.
: '''Biowulf:''' You can't stop the ones they've collared.
: '''Circe:''' I can go down trying.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' Her sonics are disrupting the offensive.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' Hyah! Unh!
: '''Biowulf:''' If we can't defeat them, we'll take down as many as we can fighting.
: '''Circe:''' This isn't one battle. It's a war. And we can't let it end here before Rex has the Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Biowulf:''' What, then?
: '''Circe:''' Tactical retreat.
: ''[Circe whistles]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh. Dad.
: '''Providence Soldier:''' Outer rooms of the castle secured.
: '''Black Pawn:''' I don't need you here, Black Knight. It's only a matter of time. We will take the castle piece by piece.
: ''[Skalamander growling]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' You are ours now. Down.
: ''[Skalamander grunting]''
: '''Skalamander:''' Rex is here. He will make you bow to us!
: '''Black Knight:''' This is all a diversion. Find Rex before he gets the Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Yes, Ma'am.
: '''Black Knight:''' Either you do it or I will. I'm on my way.
: '''Rex:''' This place... Rylander had the same type of lab.
: '''Soldier:''' Security system engaged.
: '''Rex:''' No!
: '''Soldier:''' Intruder. Provide authorized identity or be terminated. Identify. Identify. Identify. Identify.
: '''Rex:''' Aah! I'm Rex! Rex Salazar!
: '''Soldier:''' Salazar genetype-- Accepted.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' There you are, you little troublemaker. You're coming home with the good guys. Uhh. Weird. Uh... I don't suppose you're looking for the karaoke machine? Running into you-- What a coincidence. Come down here a lot? Whoa! Missed me.
: '''Black Pawn:''' I have the nanite. Keep the boy busy while I get it to Black Knight.
: '''Rex:''' No!
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Rex:''' You two sure know how to make an entrance.
: '''Circe:''' The others are getting hammered by Provindence. They're barely holding them off in the dungeon.
: '''Rex:''' Gee! Van Kleiss has a dungeon. What a surprise.
: '''Biowulf:''' This is no joke. They might die because I came down here to save you.
: '''Rex:''' I won't let them get taken. I promise you that. But I need you to let me call the shots.
: ''[Biowulf sighs]''
: '''Biowulf:''' Very well.
: '''Rex:''' Circ, dungeon left or right?
: '''Circe:''' Left. The dungeon's the other way.
: '''Rex:''' I'm not looking for the dungeon. I'm looking for the scouts.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Nothing.
: '''Rex:''' Well, maybe a little something.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Rex:''' Scouts. Classic Providence tactics-- So they don't get ambushed. Uhh. What is this place?
: '''Biowulf:''' The old reservoir. It goes to the river.
: '''Rex:''' Perfect. ''[deep voice]'' Scout to command. West wing, reservoir-- We've found a back way onto what must be the main EVO force. It's five times the size of what you're fighting.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Roger, scout. All forces, withdraw from dungeon siege. Report to west wing, reservoir. Ambush maneuver lambda.
: '''Rex:''' ''[normal voice]'' Get your troops. It's bath time.
: '''Biowulf:''' Now you bow to Rex!
: '''Rex:''' The Providence goons are contained, Biowulf. They shouldn't be any more trouble. And I got the Master-Control Nanite. Looks like mission accomplished.
: '''Circe:''' Rex, I--
: ''[She and Rex cling to each other as the castle begins shaking.]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex, order your friends to surrender. You're all under Providence custody. I always knew it might be impossible to capture the Master-Control Nanite in the heart of the nanite infestation. So the solution was to remove it.
: '''Circe:''' It's Hong Kong all over again.
: '''Rex:''' No. We can fight. We'll double back and-- A-and then--
: '''Biowulf:''' Go! Get the nanite out of here!
: '''Rex:''' No! I promised you!
: '''Biowulf:''' You were right. That nanite is more important than anyone here. Including myself. I am the leader. I give the orders. Run!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Rex:''' They were counting on me. I don't want to leave them.
: '''Circe:''' I did what I had to do. You do what you have to. I want you to know, all this was never about me just using you.
: ''[Circe gasps]''
: ''[Finally admits her true romantic feelings for Rex in the form of a passionate kiss. She then pushes a shocked Rex off the ledge, so he could escape; and her getting collared and captured in his stead. She smiled with tears in her eyes, with the promise that she would be okay.]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[burdened by Circe admitting her intense love for him and sacrifice]'' We all make sacrifices for the things we care about-- The people we love. But when the stakes are this high, who can we trust? What would that power do to anyone who had it? They attacked Abysus. What's stopping them from attacking us for these nanites?
: '''White Knight:''' They will-- Sooner or later. That's why I want to turn the tables on them first.
: '''Rex:''' You know how to do that so we survive in one piece?
: '''White Knight:''' Not yet.

===Remote Control===
: '''Bobo:''' Providence goons are thick as fleas tonight, and I know fleas.
: '''Rex:''' We're gonna be late if we have to keep sneaking around.
: '''Bobo:''' After you.
: '''Skwydd:''' Rex must have bailed on us-- Again.
: '''Cricket:''' He would never do that, Skwydd. And besides, he dad to fly all the way to Honk Kong on his own. Give him some time.
: '''Tuck:''' He's here! Everything okay, Rex?
: ''[Skwydd hissing]''
: '''Skwydd:''' Cricket, Tuck, this way!
: ''[Skwydd grunts]''
: '''Skwydd:''' Ow. Yeah, I think I'll stick to ink.
: '''Cricket:''' We need to find Rex.
: '''Skwydd:''' He was supposed to find us.
: '''Tuck:''' How are we gonna--
: '''Quarry:''' Wrong. They'll be coming with me. Anybody got a problem with that?
: ''[Quarry laughs]''
: ''[Quarry grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd?
: '''Bobo:''' Oh, yeah, they were here. This came out of Skwydd. Mm.
: '''Rex:''' Ew! If those Providence goons hurt them, I'm gonna--
: '''Bobo:''' What do you say you use a little of that aggression and get some answers, champ?
: '''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends? Quarry?
: '''Cricket:''' If you think we're going to thank you for getting us out of there, Quarry.
: ''[Quarry laughs]''
: '''Quarry:''' I think you're going to do exactly as I say.
: ''[Activates the mind-control collar on her neck]''
: '''Cricket:''' Aah!
: '''Bobo:''' Occupied Hong Kong-- What a dump! Where to, chief?
: '''Rex:''' I have no idea. How did he get away from Van Kleiss? How is he even alive?
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' It's cool. We're not going to hurt you. What's Providence turned into? This whole city is living in fear.
: '''Bobo:''' Well, we ain't gonna find my answers in this alley. I got a guide book. Ooh! A coupon for all-you-can-eat dim sum. What? A chimp's gotta eat.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, let's go. But keep moving. Maybe we'll turn up a clue.
: '''Bobo:''' Aw, this just breaks my heart. All that grub and no one to eat it.
: '''Monster EVO:''' Can you help a fellow EVO who's down on his luck?
: '''Rex:''' I can do better than that. Let me take care of this for you.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Ow!
: '''Bobo:''' I wanna order some chow to go. Give me some of those chicken feet, and give me the beaks, too.
: '''Rex:''' I thought that collar was supposed to make you mellow! What? Now you know Kung Fu? I don't have time for this.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, buddy. It looked like you could use some-- Hey, where'd the charity case go?
: '''Rex:''' He had to leave suddenly. All yours. I need some time to think.
: '''Bobo:''' More for me! Go off and think your brains out, pal. You know where to find me. Ah, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship, my beak-dealing chum. And speaking of chum--
: ''[Bobo sniffs]''
: '''Bobo:''' Do I detect the delightful aroma of fish heads?
: '''Gamer boy:''' Hey, kid! You like video games? Want a cool job?
: '''Rex:''' I already have a cool job.
: '''Gamer boy:''' This is the coolest job you'll ever have. Mr. Quarry, pays top dollar for good players and I can set you up.
: '''Rex:''' Quarry? Tell me more.
: '''Huckster:''' ''[Cockney accent]'' Okay, kids. Looks like we're all here, right? Let me show you around.
: '''Quarry:''' What do you matter, the big fish? Time to reel him in.
: '''Huckster:''' This is all state-of-the-art stuff-- Exciting, new tech. You get to play as an EVO and go on a Crown Street. How cool is that?
: '''Rex:''' Hey! That looks like the EVO that jumped me.
: '''Huckster:''' We model our characters from actual EVOs. This is as close to reality as you can get.
: '''Rex:''' Hey! You guys! Oh, am I glad to see you! I-- Take that back. You've been collared! Let me help you!
: ''[Skwydd hissing]''
: '''Rex:''' Cricket, it's me-- Rex! You used to have a crush on me!
: '''Cricket:''' Ugh!
: ''[Cricket sighs]''
: '''Cricket:''' Rex, I'm so sorry. I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't control it.
: '''Rex:''' I'm okay, Cricket. You've been working on that jab, though, haven't you?
: '''Cricket:''' They're getting away.
: '''Rex:''' Let them go. They'll lead us straight to Quarry.
: '''Cricket:''' &quot;Used to have a crush&quot;?
: '''Rex:''' Infrared. Nice move. Providence Convoy. Great.
: '''Cricket:''' Whoa! Aah! Ugh! Aah!
: '''Rex:''' Come on, Cricket. We do this all the time. Uh, hair. Please.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, give me some more of these deep-fried shrimp heads and a bunch of those fresh spring rolls. Hey, give me the stale spring rolls while you're at it.
: '''Female vendor:''' No more food! You have to go!
: '''Cricket:''' I recognize this place. It's where Quarry took us after we were collared. It's probably a setup.
: '''Rex:''' It's definitely a setup. You ready to go in?
: '''Cricket:''' You know how collared EVOs follow kind of like a robot. with these collars, it's worse. It's like you're a remote-controlled robot.
: '''Rex:''' That is a nasty hack.
: '''Cricket:''' It's bad enough working for Quarry. When you have free will but this--
: '''Rex:''' Skwydd! Tuck! I don't wanna hurt you.
: '''Quarry:''' Glad to hear that, Rex. Your friends are very valuable to me as are you.
: '''Rex:''' Like the new look- strapping.
: '''Quarry:''' Let's just say I had to find a way to &quot;keep it together&quot; after my visit to Abyus. Just one more thing you owe me for and you know how much I like a balanced book.
: '''Cricket:''' Rex! No!
: '''Quarry:''' You'll be the crown jewel of my EVO army, Rex. I may just make you my own personal slave. That collar suits you, Rex. Wish I'd had one for you back in the old days-- Would've saved me a lot of trouble.
: '''Cricket:''' Rex!
: '''Quarry:''' Oh, right. Cricket. Rex, be a good little helper and hold her down, would you?
: ''[Cricket gasps]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Quarry:''' Rex? Rex! I command you to stop!
: '''Rex:''' I quit listening to you a long time ago.
: '''Skwydd:''' Rex, I'm sorry.
: '''Rex:''' Never mind, Skwydd. Help me with Tuck. Aah! Oh, man! These nanites are smarter than usual.
: '''Cricket:''' Hurry, Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Whew! Don't think I'll be doing that again soon.
: '''Tuck:''' Thanks, man. Those all kinds of weird.
: '''Quarry:''' I've decided that you brats are not that valuable to me. Kill them all!
: '''Rex:''' We'll see.
: '''Tuck:''' Spinning donkey? Since when do street EVOs know Kung Fu?
: '''Rex:''' I know, right? How are you doing this? How are you controlling these guys.
: '''Quarry:''' I'm not would take an army of operators to control this many EVOs. I merely provide the funding and equipment. The streets provide the manpower-- Or should I say--
: ''[Quarry chuckles]''
: '''Quarry:''' Bratpower? And I paid top dollar for good players. At least by their sad standards.
: '''Rex:''' The arcade. All those kids!
: '''Quarry:''' Those brats were born to play games, which is what they think they're doing. And I thank your people for the tech. That brother of yours is quite the wiz, kid.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar would never!
: '''Cricket:''' Forget about Caesar, Rex. You know what you've got to do.
: '''Rex:''' These guys will shred you if I leave!
: '''Tuck:''' We got this, Rex. Go!
: '''Quarry:''' Once I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pop your head like a grape!
: '''Bobo:''' Oh, I am one stuffed monkey. Ooh, this might just be the year I floss. Hey! I know that noise. That's Rex. I'm coming, champ!
: ''[Bobo groans]''
: '''Bobo:''' Ooh, I better take it easy, or I'm gonna deliver a street pizza.
: ''[Bobo groans]''
: '''Female vendor:''' Next time, you're on the menu!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Unh!
: '''Quarry:''' You were a good earner once, Rex. But lately, you've been costing me too much.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh!
: '''Quarry:''' Now... you... pay!
: '''Cricket:''' No tongues!
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: '''Rex:''' Hyah!
: ''[Quarry laughs evilly]''
: '''Quarry:''' Consider the fact that you made me like this while I'm crushing you.
: ''[Quarry grunting]''
: '''Quarry:''' What?
: ''[Quarry straining]''
: '''Quarry:''' No! Unh! No! AAAAAH!
: '''Rex:''' Bad move, Quarry. Now, where's the &quot;off&quot; switch? Bingo.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' Okay.
: '''Tuck:''' Uh, what just happened?
: '''Cricket:''' Rex happened.
: '''Gamer boy:''' No way. We were actually fighting real people? I'm outta here.
: '''Tuck:''' Nice move, Rex. I guess Quarry eats it again.
: '''Cricket:''' Where is Quarry, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' He bit off more than he could chew. Speaking of which, I'm starved. Who wants to grab a bite?
: '''Bobo:''' Ohh. Hey, Rex, when are we gonna see some action?
: '''Rex:''' I, uh, kind of took the initiative while you were chilling out. Wanna get some dim sum?
: ''[Bobo gags]''
: '''Bobo:''' Uh, no, thanks. I've had all I can eat.
: ''[Bobo gags]''
: '''Rex:''' Can we use your coupon?
: ''[Bobo gags]''
: '''Skwydd:''' You seriously thought you were gonna blow us off?
: '''Tuck:''' Not &quot;we.&quot; &quot;You.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' I came as soon as I could-- Honest.
: '''Cricket:''' You mean you didn't make a detour to Tokyo to buy anime?
: '''Rex:''' Okay, almost as soon. But it all turned out fine. And the most important thing is, we put a stop to that tech before there was enough of it to start a real army.
: '''Tuck:''' You can say that again.
: '''Skwydd:''' ''[Chuckling]'' Yeah.
: '''Rex:''' Now, hurry up and eat this before my chimp finds us. Mmm!
: '''Build worker:''' Okay, guys. That's the last of them. Provindence needs these machines on the next cargo ship. Let's move!

===A Brief History of Time===
: '''Van Kleiss:''' 4.000 years from my destination, and I've run out of of time. I've scarcely completed the vessel which shall deliver me to my own era. Gharun-Set, activate the traps-- Quickly! My greatest creation-- So useful to me, but too dangerous to roam free. If only I had time to destroy him, as I should. But I have a more pressing death I must prevent. My own. AAAAAAAAAAAH!
: '''Rex:''' Kind of defeating the whole stealth element of a stealth suit, Bobo.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, now was I supposed to know that ghanoush went bad?
: '''Rex:''' Maybe because you found it in a garbage can.
: '''Bobo:''' On top of a garbage can.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to Rex. Are you at the site?
: '''Rex:''' There is not site, remember? Black Knight blew the pace to kingdom come.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Yet it's still guarded. And thanks to the data you stole from Providence, we know why.
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss back in time? I still find it hard to believe.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You were sent six months into the future, Rex. It stands to reason that the reverse is possible.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you expect to find him here, maybe we should check the mummy museum. We're sensing nanites-- Definitely V.K.'s. They've been dead a long time.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over 4,000 years. I'm also detecting tachyons-- Quantum particles that travel in time. I think it's clear what he was making.
: '''Bobo:''' A latrine?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' A time machine.
: '''Rex:''' No way he pulled it off! If mister ego made it back to here and now, we'd know about it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Some of these nanites are considerably younger. That means he was there in two different time periods.
: '''Rex:''' Time travel gives me a headache. Just tell me-- Where is he now?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The more accurate question is, when is he?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' AAAAAAH!
: ''[Van Kleiss gasping]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! The ordeal is... draining. But now, back in my own time, I can replenish my nanite reserves and--
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Quis es tu?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I recognize the language, of course-- Classical latin. Qui-- Q-Qui annus est?
: '''Gladiator #1:''' What year is it? You dare question a captain of the imperial guard? Aegyptus is a roman Providence! Answer! Who are you?
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Don't bother-- He's clearly sun-mad.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The dialect, the dress-- This is the second century A.D. A mere 2,000 years has passed. I'm only halfway home!
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Another escaped slave. Finish him and be done with it.
: ''[Gladiator #2 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It was all the fight I could muster. I had no way to replace the nanites I'd spent in the journey, and my gauntlet had yet to recharge those that remained.
: '''Gladiator #2:''' This one shows spirit. He'll bring a good price in the arena.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' OOMPH!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Save your strength.
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Where you're going, you'll need it.
: ''[Van Kleiss slurps]''
: ''[Van Kleiss gulps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I intend to. Of the mysterious force, there is no sign. Yet I sense it is close-- Pursuing me even across the centuries. I am convinced it is a manifestation of time itself. My presence is a violation of physics-- An imbalance which the time stream seeks to correct... By wiping me from existence. But of this, I am certain-- If I do not return to my own time, it will surely destroy me.
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You are fortunate, slave. To die in the arena is a great honor.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' An honor I look forward to bestowing.
: ''[Gladiator #1 laughs]''
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You see? Spirit!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Put on a good show, little man, and I promise to make your end a painless one.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Indeed?
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I, on the other hand, make no such promise.
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunting]''
: ''[Van Kleiss grunting]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Gladiator #3 groans]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' One against so many? Hardly seems fair. For them.
: '''Gladiator #4:''' ARRRGHHHH!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ordinarily, I'd say &quot;take me to your leader,&quot; but I believe he's already here.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great warrior... Never have I seen such a battle. I am...
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Septimius Severus, 21st emperor of Rome, founder of the severan dynasty. And, as I recall, you poisoned your own commanding officer to get his position... And wear only boots to conceal a prodigious clubfoot.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Are you a man... Or a God?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I find both labels rather limiting. Now, then, you are going to give me whatever I require, starting with a quiet place to work. I, in return, shall ensure the growth and security of your reign as emperor. You may call me Van Kleiss.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Whatever your desire, great Vanklios.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, it's... Got a rather nice ring.
: '''Rex:''' What's with this guy? Gets a portrait done in every time period?
: '''Bobo:''' Mm. ''[muffled]'' Truly a nutjob for the ages. Mm. Speaking of nuts... Want some?
: '''Rex:''' You've been dumpster-diving again?
: '''Bobo:''' I prefer &quot;foraging.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Nice sleuthing there, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Nanites decay at a measurable half-life. I set our sat-net to do a global scan for the same frequency-- Ergo, Rome.
: '''Rex:''' Great. You scan for the next stop, we'll grab a pizza.
: '''Bobo:''' Pass. I'm experiencing inexpicable gastric distress.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it would take months to scan the entire spectrum. You need to find the next decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Kind of like nanite connect-the-dots! Can I do it with someone else?
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, quiet, you! Rah!
: '''Rex:''' This goose chase just got a little wilder. My brother's here.
: '''Caesar:''' Caesar to Black. We've detected paleo-nanites. Tachyon readings negative. We're moving to the next hot stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons-- They want Van Kleiss' time machine. Follow them.
: '''Rex:''' Come on.
: '''Bobo:''' Can you give me a teeny sec? I gotta find the little gladiators' room.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Advances in the last two millenia have allowed me to complete my lab in weeks instead of months. Restrict the flow! Do you want to overload the power cells? Meanwhile, my own nanite supply continues to dwindle.
: ''[Septimius Severus panting]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great Vanklios, protect me!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I've divulged metallurgy and tactics beyond your day. No man may threaten your rule.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' This is no man-- But an apparition!
: ''[Septimius Severus grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' What apparition? Speak, parasite!
: '''Septimius Severus:''' A spirit of doom! Numerous sightings-- The insulare, the rostra, the forum. Listen! It comes! It comes!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Fool. It only wants me.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Ugh!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I release you. Go start a few legends.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
: ''[Septimius Severus gasps]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Be gone! I beg of you! Aah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, those stress lines-- It's the same pattern we saw in Egypt.
: '''Black Knight:''' Report.
: '''Caesar:''' These aqueducts are truly marvels of roman engineering.
: '''Black Knight:''' Have you picked up the next decay frequency?
: '''Caesar:''' Oh-- That. Yes. Uplinking to our global net. Odd. These tachyons seems unrelated to--
: '''Black Knight:''' We have the next target. Scandinavia. Move out. White Knight may have people on the trail. I expect you to do whatever it takes to procure the objective.
: '''Rex:''' Shh!
: '''Caesar:''' I've initiated the same steps as in Egypt! Come along.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we need that decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Just one small problem, doc. This place... is toast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex? Bobo? Respond!
: '''Rex:''' We're okay, doc. Not a mark on us.
: '''Bobo:''' Same can't be said for my stealth suit. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex and Bobo gasps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' So many lives... It's become a blur. I don't know who I am anymore. Only that I must sail onward, ever onwoard down the river of time. Never resting, always moving. Further draining my nanite reserves beyond my ability to replenish. And each re-emergence, I am pursued by the nameless force. I now know it's personal. I am a virus-- An infection of space-time. Call it what you like. This is time's antibody. Whether I can borne home or drowned in its currents, this is my final journey.
: '''Rex:''' Hurry! I'm not sure if we here followed.
: '''Bobo:''' I'm sure.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Don't shoot! It's me.
: '''Rex:''' Holiday? Shouldn't you be at the plant, connecting the dots?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No more dots to connect. The trail ends here. And... I'm reading a humanoid form inside.
: '''Rex:''' I'm confused. Is it a time machine or isn't it?
: '''Caesar:''' It's not a time machine. Are those really necessary?
: '''Rex:''' No way you're getting this time machine, bro!
: '''Caesar:''' I don't want it. And it's not a time machine.
: '''Bobo:''' Well, then, what is it? A meat locker for cold cuts?
: '''Caesar:''' Surprisingly close. We use this technique to transfer unstable nanites. It puts them into a state of dormancy.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Of course. It's a hibernation chamber.
: '''Caesar:''' Only his nanites were dormant. There would still be neuron flow.
: '''Rex:''' Mind telling me what that means, exactly?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He was... Aware. The whole time, for hundreds of years.
: '''Caesar:''' He would have felt every minute pass.
: '''Rex:''' No way! He's totally a mummy!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Run! It's coming! It's coming?!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Rex:''' Easy, easy, Van Kleiss. You're back-- Back in your own time.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' No! No, it'll find me! It always does! You must protect me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyon readings off the chart! Rex, you can't affect that thing. I don't know what can.
: '''Caesar:''' It's a field of pure tachyons. I've got to get a sample.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no, you don't!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I'm back! Back in my own time! You shall not have me?! OHHHH!
: '''Bobo:''' Settle down, Van Winkle.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no. It couldn't be. I need some way to contain it!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons can't be contained!
: '''Caesar:''' Yes, they can. Rex!
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it's too risky!
: '''Rex:''' But I know what this is. Correction-- I know who this is.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah!
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's... Breach.
: '''Rex:''' Breach. Breach! It's me-- Rex.
: '''Breach:''' Rex? Are you real... Or a dream?
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm-- I'm real.
: '''Breach:''' I was everywhere-- Everywhen. But I was nothing-- An emptiness, needing to be filled.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The amp pack. Van Kleiss controlled it. When his nanites were active, Breach was drawn into his timeframe.
: ''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' The final joining would have destroyed them both.
: '''Breach:''' Guess I should say thanks.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, what are friends for? Um, we are still friends... Right?
: '''Caesar:''' You did well, little bro.
: '''Rex:''' And you have your time machine that... isn't a time machine. Everybody goes home happy.
: '''Caesar:''' That? A curiosity-- True. But it was never our goal.
: ''[Van Kleiss shivering]''
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss?! All this for him? what, they're gonna put him in jail?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's Providence, Rex. That's their jurisdiction.
: '''Caesar:''' No need to worry, little brother. He's going to be well supervised.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar, what is going on!?
: '''Caesar:''' Justice.
: '''Bobo:''' Two words-- Crème Brûlée. Ooh. Right after I make a french connection.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Welcome back, Van Kleiss. You look terrible. Ordinarily, I'd say get some rest, but you've had enough of that, I suppose.
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Pull it together. We have work to do. Do you know who I am?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I know who you are. It's been a long time. A very, very long time.

===Mind Games===
: '''Rex''': Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure of that.
: '''Six''': I told you not to get involved, Rex. You're not at full strength.
: '''Rex''': What was I supposed to do-- Just leave it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six has a point, Rex. You're pushed to the edge lately. You can't see everyone.
: '''Rex''': Not listening! Don't worry, dude. I'll have you out of here before you can say-- Circe?!
: '''Circe''': Hey, Rex. Rex! Aaaah!
: ''[Circe sighs]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex! Rex, do you read? What's going on? Your bios are low.
: '''Rex''': Leave her alone! You okay? 
: '''Circe''': I think so. We have to go.
: '''Rex''': Think that's your cue. Hang on. I think I got it. Ow!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': Hate this things.
: '''Circe''': Try wearing one.
: '''Rex''': I have. So, what happened? I thought Providence had you at Abysus.
: '''Circe''': I got away.
: '''Rex''': What about the Pack?
: '''Circe''': The Pack? I-- Don't know. Things are bad out there, Rex. I've been on the run for weeks. Providence has been stepping up their capture orders. I think something big is going down.
: '''Rex''': Tell me about it. Listen, I know we're gonna want to say no, but with everything that's going on...
: '''Circe''': I should stay at the plant. It's safer, right?
: '''Rex''': Wow, that was-- Easy. I had a whole speech and everything.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Well, everything checks out. You're the picture of health. I wish you'd let me do some more thorough scans, through.
: '''Six''': How was it you said you got away?
: '''Circe''': It's a long story. You guys have bigger things to worry about than me... like the Meta-Nanites. Did you get the one from Abysus? Have you found anymore?
: '''Rex''': Ugh, who cares? Let's go do something fun. You want to put Bobo' hand in shaving cream?
: ''[Circe yawns]''
: '''Circe''': Actually, Rex, I'm kind of tired. I thing I might just crash if that's cool.
: '''Rex''': Oh... yeah. Stupid of me. You, uh, get some sleep. Hey, doc. What are you doing?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex. I was just... working. What are you doing up?
: '''Rex''': Ah, it's... stupid.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Yeah, probably. But... go ahead.
: '''Rex''': I'm... excited. Since I got breached, everything's been so crazy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Since you got breached? Right.
: '''Rex''': But with Circe back, I'm starting to think maybe things will turn out okay.
: '''White Knight''': I need everyone in the situation room in five minutes.
: '''Rex''': So much for that.
: ''[Dr. Holiday yawns]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': What'd I miss?
: '''Rex''': Wow, Doc. You sure got comfy quick.
: '''White Knight''': Listen up, people. We need to retrieve a valuable asset before it falls into enemy hands.
: '''Six''': What's the objective?
: '''White Knight''': This man... Dr. Peter Meechum.
: '''Rex''': That guy? I remember him. Van crazy kiddnaped his daughter.
: '''White Knight''': Meechum spent the last year at a safehouse facility... Codename: Pandora's Box... location know only to me.
: '''Rex''': Why all the cloak and dagger?
: '''White Knight''': Because Meechum was one of the original scientists on the Nanite Project. He was given a panic button in case of emergency. Thirty minutes ago-- He activated it.
: '''Six''': Providence?
: '''White Knight''': We have to assume they're trying to assemble the original members of the Nanite Project. What Meechum knows is too valuable to fall into the wrong hands, so go get him.
: '''Six''': Maybe Circe should stay here.
: '''Rex''': What? Why?
: '''Six''': She's not on the team yet-- Not officialy.
: '''White Knight''': Take her. She'll be useful in the field.
: '''Rex''': Ahem. You guys forget you key? Did you check under the mat?
: '''Six''': Rex, focus on the mission. Get to Meechum!
: '''Rex''': Relax, Six. I could take these guys in my sleep, especially with help from... Huh? Circe? Uh... Time-out?
: '''Six''': Peter Meechum, you need to come with us.
: ''[Dr. Meechum scoffs]''
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Took you long enough.
: '''Rex''': Time in.
: '''White Knight''': Still no sign of Circe, Rex. We'll keep looking, but for right now, Meechum is our top priority.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We'll find her, Rex. Don't worry.
: '''White Knight''': In the meantime, Dr. Meechum, I've checked, and your daughter is safe at her boarding school in England.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': My daughter. Right.
: '''White Knight''': We can make immediate arrangements to take you to her.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': No, I'd rather stay with you if that's all right. It's, uh-- It's safer.
: '''White Knight''': Of course. White Knight out.
: '''Rex''': So, after that, Providence attacked Abysus to get the Master-Control Nanite. Guess you were next on their list.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I see. And all this happened in the last year?
: '''Six''': You've missed a lot since you've been away, doctor.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Horrible. I could never work for a Providence like that. I have to say it's all very impressive. Providence has certainly done a lot in the last year.
: '''Caesar''': And with your help, doctor, we can do more.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Where's White Knight? I should tell him I've arrived.
: '''Black Knight''': I can answer that for you. It's good to have you back, doctor.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': What happened to White?
: '''Black Knight''': Just a routine change in command. Nothing to worry about. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Tell me you have my money ready.
: '''Black Knight''': You get away you want when I get what I want... Not before.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Relax.
: '''Six''': I'm a professional, aren't I?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six, see Meechum? I have some data I'd like to go over with him. Are you... okay?
: '''Six''': Rebecca, I have something important to tell you.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Okay. Well... Thanks for tell me.
: '''Six''': Rex, are you in here? I do not understand this show.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Am I interrupting?
: '''Six''': Not at all. What can I do for you?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Nothing important. I just wanted to say... earlier... that was nice. Unexpected but nice. 
: '''Six''': Earlier?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': In the lab?
: '''Six''': I have no idea what you're talking about.
: ''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
: '''Rex''': Six, I need to talk to you about Circe. Uh... Six? Earth to agent guy. You okay?
: '''Six''': I'm fine. I've just decided not to waste any more time on you, Rex.
: '''Rex''': Um... Is this because I accidentaly used your swords to slice a pizza?
: '''Six''': It's because you're weak. You don't have what it takes to complete the mission.
: '''Rex''': Ohh, I get it. This is one of your test, right?
: '''Six''': No test. Just me coming to my senses. You're not strong enough to survive what's coming. In the end, you're gonna let us all down.
: ''[Dr. Holiday crying]''
: '''Rex''': Doc? What's wrong?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' I-It's nothing, Rex. I didn't want you to see me like this.
: '''Rex''': Well, what is it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' It's Six. I'm afraid of him.
: '''Rex''': What?! That's crazy talk.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' Is it? You have to have seen it. He's violent, on edge. He's losing control.
: '''Rex''': Are we talking about the same Six?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We don't even known him. He was a killer, Rex. The old Six might have changed, but how do we know this Six didn't come back... Wrong?
: ''[Dr. Meechum whistling]''
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I have a question. How do you plan to re-create the project without a bio-interface expert?
: '''Caesar''': Oh, but we do have one.
: '''Van Kleiss''': No! The string doesn't work. Gordian knot, tied up tight. Alexander cheated. Can't cheat. Eyes on your own paper! Peter? No! Can't be! Different time, different me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Van Kleiss? You brought back that monster?
: '''Caesar''': Of course. He was the original interface programmer. Who better?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Excuse me a moment. White, what the heck is going on?!
: '''White Knight''': Peter? Where are you?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I'm at Providence. Where are you?
: '''White Knight''': Providence. But that's not-- I have to go. We have a problem.
: '''Rex''': You're darn right we have a problem, because this isn't Peter Meechum!
: ''[Dr. Meechum laughing maniacally]''
: '''Scarecrow''': Heya, Rex. Miss me?
: '''Rex''': Who are you? Where's Meechum?
: '''White Knight''': His name's John Scarecrow. He's an EVO, specialist in infiltration. Black Knight played us.
: '''Scarecrow''': You really don't remember me, Rex? I'll give you a hint. We used to share a stomping ground. We had a problem with a shapes hifter once.
: '''Rex''': You were in Hong Kong.
: '''Scarecrow''': Give the man a prize.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Six''': I think he went that way.
: '''Rex''': Wait a minute.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Rex''': I cannot believe I fell for that.
: '''Scarecrow''': Look at you. You're ridiculous. You think he'll come to his senses, realize his true feelings? Then what? You'll settle down. White picket fence. Little agent kids. You're fooling yourself. You're the worst of them... you know that?... Because you know better. You really think you can save the world? None of you can survive what's coming!
: '''Rex''': Prove it's really you. What's my favorite color?
: '''Six''': I have no idea.
: '''Rex''': It's you, all right.
: ''[Dr. Holiday screaming]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Put it away. I'm not the EVO.
: '''Six''': We heard you scream.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That wasn't me.
: '''Six''': Let's all calm down. We can figure this out.
: '''Rex''': Why, Six? Because I'm weak? You don't think I can handle this?
: '''Six''': I never said that.
: '''Rex''': But you think it, right? I don't see you putting down your guns, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': I know it's not me. I'm not sure about you two.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Scarecrow''': So easy. I barely had to nudge you.
: '''Rex''': Whatever you're after, you're not getting away with it.
: '''Scarecrow''': Get away with it?! Re-e-e-x, I got what I needed in the first five minutes.
: '''Rex''': Then why? Why do all this?
: '''Scarecrow''': Simple. I wanted to do to you what you did to me.
: '''Rex''': I'm done with you!
: ''[Scarecrow groans]''
: '''Scarecrow''': The big hero. Why do you get to forget? It's not fair!
: '''Rex''': Whine, whine, whine. What... you didn't get enough crazy hugs as a kid?
: '''Scarecrow''': You think I'm the only one you hurt? Then tell me--
: '''Skwydd''': What about us? Why'd you betray me? 
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Circe:''' You promised to protect me, Rex. Where were you?
: '''Rex:''' Stop it!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex breathing heavily]''
: '''Caesar''': Face it, bro. It's why I left you. Mom and dad, too.
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': You're your own worst enemy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That's for Rex. That's for Providence. And that was for the kiss.
: '''White Knight''': Providence won this round. No question.
: '''Rex''': They have the real Meechum. Maybe more.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': There's no telling how much of our system Scarecrow uploaded.
: '''Six''': But we have to assume they know everything we do.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs evilly]''
: '''White Knight''': Black Knight is coming for us. It's just a matter of time.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': So? I mean, we knew that. Nothing's changed, right?
: '''Six''': Rex, this is what they wanted-- To turn us against each other.
: '''Rex''': Yeah, and look how easy it was. We thought we were a team, but we're not. We're vulnerable.
: '''Van Kleiss''': It's Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Looking past Occam's Razor, we can clearly see to a quantum level. A quantum level is what I'm trying to achieve, because if I didn't do the quantum level, then I can understand what's happening.
: '''Caesar''': I know you don't like this, but it's not about us.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Can you do it? Can you control him?
: '''Caesar''': Leave Van Kleiss to me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': What about Black Knight? I don't like her, Salazar. Never did.
: '''Caesar''': Trust me, Peter-- When we're finished, the end will justify the means.

===Hermanos===
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-OA! Unh! Ugh!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Agent Six''': Be careful, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm touched by your concern, Six.
:'''Agent Six''': It's not for you. We don't have Providence to pick up the tab anymore. You break it, you buy it.
:''[Rex growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm saving the day here. What are they gonna do--Sue me? Oh, come on! It was a rhetorical question! What was I supposed to do? The whole building was made of glass!
:'''Lawyer''': ''[Hispanic accent]'' Glass? What are you talking about?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm... not talking about anything. What are you talking about?
:'''Lawyer''': Mr. Salazar, I'm an associate at the stateside branch of the Argentinean firm Gomez and Gomez. And today, sir, is your lucky day!
:'''Rex Salazar''': What's this?
:'''Lawyer''': It's yours!
:'''Noah Nixon''': No away! This is your house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I know! According to the lawyer guy, this rancho in Argentina's been in my family forever. And ever since my parents died in the event, those lawyers have been trying to track down the heir. And guess who that is.
:'''Noah Nixon''': You and your brother?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, yeah, right. Him too.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Dude, it's never a good time, but you go to-- O...kay, so maybe this really isn't a good time, but this is important. I was being chased by a lawyer. No, I wasn't being sued this time. But you'll never guess what he--
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Is this about the rancho?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You know about it?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Those lawyers have left me a dozen messages.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And you didn't tell me? Caesar, I never even knew we had this place! There might be photo albums, home movies-- I don't know-- maybe even an old teddy bear or something.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': You never had a teddy bear.
:'''Rex Salazar''': See, the fact that you know that and I don't-- that's why we need to go down there.
:'''Lawyer''': Clear!
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I can't, Rex. My work's already been interrupted once today. Although... Now that you mention the ranch, it does bring back some memories.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really? Like what?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': There was an experiment I remember mom and dad running. If you could find the notes, it might save some time on the work I'm doing now.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Notes? Come on. Isn't family more important than-- Guess not.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Why can't I have a normal brother? Know anything about cows? Thanks for coming with me. This is really a family thing, but my brother is, well-- My brother. 
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you kidding? I'm psyched! I've been killing myself trying to find a birthday present for Claire. A vacation at my best friend's awesome ancestral estate? What other guy could offer her that?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, but then why bring Annie?
:'''Annie''': Um, this just kind of broke off.
:''[Annie, Claire and Noah screaming]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I sure hope this isn't included in Six's &quot;You break it, you buy it&quot; policy.
:'''Annie''': Sorry.
:'''Rex Salazar''': No problem. We're here.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Are... you sure this is the place?
:'''Noah Nixon''': What happened to it?
:'''Annie''': Hey, don't look at me. I just got there.
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Annie''': Okay, that was me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I guess this must be my... family.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Looks like you-- But with a 'stache.
:'''Annie''': I like you with a 'stache.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Hey, there are chickens in here!
:'''Annie''': And llamas!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Chicken, llamas-- And a funny-looking bull.
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I-I-I take it back! You're not funny-looking!
:'''Chiquito''': This place is Durango's!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, actually--
:'''Chuquito''': No fancy talk! Just go!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Okay, number one, how is &quot;actually&quot; fancy talk! Number two, I don't know who Durango is, but this farm isn't his. And number three--
:''[Chiquito grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Ugh! All right, there's no misunderstanding the international language of getting punched in the face. So read my fist-- Get out of my house!
:'''Chiquito''': Durango will not be happy!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, don't know who that guy was, but problem solved.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh, you think? Aah!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Calmate, Chiquito. You are my brother. I would not do anything to hurt mi hermano. Unless you force me to. I cannot lose that tract of land. Without its right of way, I will lose my claim on the rest of the county. But never mind. They will learn-- When you mess with the bull, you get the horns.
:'''Rex Salazar''': OHHH! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': A chicken just tried to poop on my shoe!
:'''Rex Salazar''': I think I can top you there.
:'''Noah Nixon''': No offense, but when I asked Claire to come here, this wasn't what I was hoping for.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, me either. I mean, I was thinking I'd find-- I don't know what. But everything in this place has been smashed or stolen. Maybe this whole family thing isn't for me.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': That's the one!
:'''Claire Bowman''': Please, Noah. It just needed a little help laying an egg.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[Chuckling]'' What, did you grow up on a farm in Kansas?
:'''Claire Bowman''': An apartment in Chicago-- Which is where I learned to download videos onto my phone.
:'''Telephone Voice''': When caring for an egg bearing hen, remember to--
:'''Muchado''': Hola? Quien esta aquí?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh... hello?
:'''Muchado''': So, you are the Americans? I am Señor Muchado-- The juez.
:'''Claire Bowman''': That's like a judge?
:'''Muchado''': Sí. For all intents and purposes, I am the law in this county-- Which is why I have come here with him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Good, because I definitely want to press charges.
:'''Muchado''': You misunderstand. I am here because of the trouble you caused for Chiquito.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Chiquito?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Your mom must have some sense of humor to name you &quot;Tiny&quot;.
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Muchado''': Chiquito's brother is Señor Durango. He controls most of the land in this county, including this hacienda. At Señor Durango's request, I have prepared a legal order compelling you to vacate.
:'''Claire Bowman''': But this is Rex's farm.
:'''Annie''': Yeah, he's got a deed and everything.
:'''Muchado''': This might have some bearing-- If you were a Salazar.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, we're in luck. I am.
:'''Annie''': Maybe this will help.
:'''Muchado''': You may be a Salazar, but by our law, this land has been deemed abandoned, and Señor Durango has claimed it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Sorry. Been sort of busy saving the world and stuff. But I'm here now, so consider his claim unclaimed, then reclaimed by me.
:'''Muchado''': It is not so simple. You would have to demonstrate you are actively maintaining the ranch. That means shearing and feeding the animals, bringing your bulls to market--
:'''Rex Salazar''': To market? What, like a... cattle drive?
:'''Claire Bowman''': No problem. We can totally figure out how to do that.
:'''Muchado''': A ranch this size requires at least a dozen hired men.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, just... uh...
:'''Muchado''': No one within 100 kilometers will help you cross Señor Durango. If you do this, you will do it alone. And you will fail.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Well, that guy was kind of a jerk.
:'''Annie''': Yeah. So, let's get to work.
:'''Noah Nixon''': How? Everything here is broken.
:'''Annie''': Uh, have you seen my house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You guys don't have to do this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What kind of friend would walk away now?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh... yeah! No way you could stop me from helping take care of these totally not-gross animals. 
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, I'm smiling like that's what I mean, aren't?
:''[Noah exhales deeply]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I can do this! I can't do this. Until I've done my milking warm-up.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Ugh. Hold this.
:'''Telephone Voice''': With you head resting on her flank, gently grasp the udder with the palm of your hand.
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAH!
:''[Claire giggles]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': I think she likes you.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is your home. Get in your home!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Whoa! AAAH! AAH! Ugh! This is hopeless! This farm only has one bull, and I can't even get it into the barn. And this... better just be mud.
:'''Annie''': Hang on! I'll help you!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No! Don't!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you guys okay?
:'''Claire Bowman''': What is it? A storm cellar?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Looks like some kind of lab.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Figures. My mom and dad were Caesar's parents, too. Of course they'd find a way to take work home with them. Probably where those notes Caesar wanted are. Might as well grab them before the judge kicks us out.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's he talking about? I think we're doing a pretty good job taking care of the--
:'''Annie''': Uh, guys--
:''[Claire grunts]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wait-- Donkeys eat hay, don't they? Maybe we can use it to lure them back into the barn.
:'''Annie''': I got it! Ugh!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, on the plus side, at least we now know for sure that donkeys do eat hay.
:''[On videotape of the Salazar family]''
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day, these things are going to change the world, and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': ''[Chuckling]'' Caesar, please, mi hijo. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay! Okay!
:''[Claire sniffs]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's that smell?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Which one? Everything here smells.
:'''Claire Bowman''': No, it smells like... smoke!
:'''Annie''': Rex! The straw caught on fire, and it exploded!
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Chiquito''': Hermano! No! Oomph!
:'''Senior Durango''': What were you thinking? I told you to smoke them out, not burn the land! This is my land! If you weren't my brother--
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Senior Durango''': But you are. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, you must be the brother. Hope I'm not interrupting some kind of weird tender moment.
:'''Senior Durango''': Soy Durango. And I hope there is still a chance we can reach a resonable agreement.
:'''Claire Bowman''': So, then you'll let Rex keep the farm? We played by the rules.
:'''Senior Durango''': Around here, I make the rules.
:'''Annie''': But the judge said--
:'''Senior Durango''': The judge works for me. Now, please, I'm giving you one last chance to leave.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Okay, sure! Oh, wait-- That's right. Your fire blew up what was left of our plane!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh, let me handle the trash-talking with the 20-foot-tall monster EVO, okay? Leave them out of this! They shouldn't even be here! It should have been my brother!
:'''Senior Durango''':  That is why you will lose your farm. Without family, a man is nothing. After all, what is this land to them?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't even know what this place is to me. I came here hoping to find out more about who my family is.
:''[Rex start looking at Noah, Claire and Annie, and smile to them]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I did. So, you're going to stop threatening them-- And me-- And get off my land.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay. Here's the plan-- Stay behind me! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, there goes that plan.
:'''Senior Durango''': Hurt them. You can do that, can't you?
:'''Claire Bowman''': W-what do we do now?!
:'''Annie''': The only one of us with powers just got kicked to the curb.
:'''Noah Nixon''': That depends on what you mean by &quot;powers&quot;.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex muffled grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Not a good time, Caesar.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just wanted to tell you-- Forget about those notes. I realized that's not what's important about you going down there.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wow, Caesar. I can't believe you came around.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just realized-- The really important thing is, if you happen to find a termo-chronometer I remember having down there, it would save me from ordering one.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:''[Chiquito snarls, roars]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': This morning, I almost had to touch a cow's underparts. You think you can do me worse than that? Bring it.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito roars]''
:'''Annie''': Ugh! I didn't mean for that to happen.
:'''Claire Bowman''': We did.
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Ugh! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
:'''Senior Durango''': OOMPH!
:''[Durango lows]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-O-O-O O-OA!
:''[Durango lows]''
:''[Durango snorts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Durango growls]''
:''[Durango growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Trust me-- My brother's let me down way worse. But what am I gonna do? He's my brother.
:'''Senior Durango''': It is over.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Nice ego there, but I've been hit a lot harder.
:''[Durango spits]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Those bells signal the market is ending soon. I can see you have yet to herd you cattle there.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, come on! The one cattle I've got doesn't even move!
:'''Senior Durango''': If you do not have your cattle to market before it ends, you will have failed to fulfill your deed, and this land will be mine.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then I guess I don't have any time to waste talking about it.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Come on. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Forget it. I got this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': WHOO-HOO! Yes! Go, Rex!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Where's Durango?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oww! Come on! You don't move the whole time, and you can't stay still?
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': What is this, a western? You're actually trying to stop him with a rockslide?
:'''Senior Durango''': You? Here? How is that even possible?
:'''Telephone Voice''': Donkeys can be ridden surprinsingly fast if you--
:'''Noah Nixon''': Come on! Just give up! The farm belong to Rex. And I really want to get off this thing.
:'''Senior Durango''': You think I'm afraid of you ''[Scoffs]'' boy?
:'''Claire Bowman''': Oh, it's not the boy you should be afraid of.
:'''Annie''': Oops.
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Ugh!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': We sheared the llamas, we milked the cows, I got the bull to town. We did everything in the deed.
:'''Muchado''': Sí, sí. But more important, you faced Durango and won! Once the other ranchers hear of this, they won't be afraid. You have broken Durango's hold on our lands.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait-- You're... happy about that?
:'''Muchado''': Of course. I told you exactly what you had to do to legally gain control of the land, didn't I?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh. I guess you did.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wow! Can you believe how you perfect this all worked out?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Yeah, uh, so, maybe we should get out of here before we wear out our welcome.
:'''Rex Salazar''': There's just one thing I want to do first.

===The Rescue===
:''Note'': Rex goes alone to rescue his girlfriend Circe from the clutches of Black Knight. but it turns out she has been waiting for him.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Alone Together===
:''Note'': Finally together at last, Rex and Circe reminiscence about their good and hard times together ans their romance begins to grow.
===Retribution===
===Temporary Insanity===

===Crime and Punishment===
:''Note:'' His false insanity revealed, Van Kleiss abducts Circe with the intent of punishing her for betraying him, due to her enduring love for Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, Circe, you shall learn the ultimate price of betraying me.
:'''Rex:''' ''Leave her alone!!''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, Rex. For young love. One of your greatest weaknesses. After I finish off your beloved, you will no longer be a hindrance to me. 
:'''Rex''' (''enraged'')''':''' I ''said''...LEAVE HER ALONE!!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Shadowed Past===

===Separation Anxiety===
===Brotherly Love===

===Rocky My World===
:'''Beverly:''' Oh, this is so awesome! We're seeing the Trendbenders live!
:'''Rex:''' Well, maybe not see them, but we'll totally hear them. Attention! The Trendbenders will be arriving through the back of the club.
:'''Beverly:''' Slick trick! Yes, Rebecca. I know! Only drink the bottled water. No, we're not that close to the stage. Ugh! I know that's where they mosh-pit. Don't worry! Bye!
:'''Rex:''' Your sister is acting like your mother. I wouldn't put up with it. Doc?! I'm right next to her! Yes, we've got earplugs. Only bottled water-- I know! Yes, you'll pick us up at 11:00. Okay! Bye!
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' I met a guy who has looking for a lucky break. I met a guy mad he wouldn't make a mistake. No loser here the weight would be upon his face. This ain't no lucky break it's just another day.
:'''Beverly:''' Hey!
:'''Rex:''' There's something wrong with that guy.
:'''Beverly:''' Yeah! It's called lack of social skills.
:'''Sebastian:''' We have to talk! You got to listen to me!
:'''Rex:''' I think they're a little too busy for a chat right now.
:'''Sebastian:''' It's me! Your first fan!
:'''Rex:''' Come on, dude. Can't you just watch the show, like everyone else?
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' You won't bring me down. Yeah-yeah-yeah. You won't bring me down.
:'''Sebastian:''' I'm not just everyone else.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' You want to rethink trying to stop me?
:'''Beverly:''' Whoa! Geek in triplicate!
:'''Rex:''' More like EVO geek.
:'''Sebastian:''' I bet you're not even a real fan!
:'''Rex:''' Hey, I know their music!
:'''Sebastian:''' Yeah? What album is &quot;Bitten on the Wind&quot; from?
:'''Beverly:''' Uh, their first album.
:'''Sebastian:''' Wrong! Their third! Poser!
:'''Sly:''' Here's one from our first album-- &quot;Bitten on the Wind.&quot;
:'''Beverly:''' Told ya! Their first album! Who's the poser now?
:'''Sebastian:''' But it is their third. They keep denying their first two albums exist!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:''[Rex bones cracking]''
:'''Rex:''' Shouldn't you be home, making sure your mom isn't snooping around your basement? Ouch! All right, I've had enough.
:'''Sebastian:''' I know you. You're that guy from Providence that beats up on EVOs.
:'''Rex:''' And I'm guessing you're not one of my fans.
:'''Sebastian:''' This isn't over! They still need me to show them the way back. I'll make them listen to me.. No matter what! Ugh!
:'''Man:''' No re-entry without a hand stamp.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, but--
:'''JoJo:''' It's okay. He's with me. I'm JoJo, the band's manager.
:'''Beverly:''' Oh!
:'''JoJo:''' Sly Tyler, vocals, six stringer. Burrito Beau on the big bottom, and Leon Adler on the skins.
:'''Beau:''' Bass.
:'''Leon:''' Drums.
:'''Beverly:''' They're even cutter up close!
:'''JoJo:''' But Sebastian isn't. And now that fruitcake fan has become a major menace.
:'''Rex:''' You know who that guy is?
:'''Sly:''' Yeah, he's one of our first fans from way back.
:'''Leon:''' But he didn't like our change in music direction.
:'''Beau:''' Change, like in popular.
:'''Sly:''' So he started sending us nasty e-mails and slagging us on the fan sites.
:'''JoJo:''' But now he's turned violent, and it turns out he's-- H-he's--
:'''Rex:''' An EVO that can multiply himself.
:'''JoJo:''' We can't handle that kind of threat, but you can.
:'''Beverly:''' Is this a job offer?
:'''JoJo:''' As head of security for the rest of the tour.
:'''Rex:''' Huh, I don't know. Putting up with groupies, great music, catering, the Rock'n'roll lifestyle-- Oh, right, like I'm not totally in for this!
:'''Beverly:''' And I'm your deputy, sheriff.
:'''Sly:''' Absolutely.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Absolutely not.
:'''Rex:''' They've got an EVO threat.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Fine, Rex. Beverly? And don't forget to use earplugs.
:'''Rex:''' Private jet to the next gig? Airline-- First class? Coach?
:'''JoJo:''' Of the road kind.
:'''Rex:''' Traveling the open road, bringing music to the people. Where to next?
:'''Beau:''' Eugene, Oregon. ''[Unenthusiastically]'' WHOO-HOO!
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Leon:''' Bad seat. Got a lot of them.
:''[Beau farts]''
:''[Rex sniffs]''
:'''Leon and Rex:''' Oh!
:''[Leon coughs]''
:'''Leon:''' Isn't the ozone layer depleted enough, Beau?
:'''Rex:''' Want to hit the streets and check out the local scene?
:'''Sly:''' Seriously, man? It's just another town.
:'''Beau:''' Been there. Seen them all.
:'''TV Announcer:''' He's currently under 3, 2 behind the leader. This is a very tricky--
:'''Rex:''' Oh, let's throw this in the pool!
:'''Leon:''' Hey, I'm watching something, dude!
:'''Rex:''' How about a food fight?
:'''Sly:''' Sorry, man. Not feeling it.
:'''Rex:''' This isn't feeling very Rock'n'Roll.
:'''JoJo:''' Rex, we hired you to consult on security, not rock-tour clichés.
:'''Sebastian:''' Room service.
:'''JoJo:''' Again? You guys, this is costing too much.
:'''Sly:''' But we didn't order anything else.
:'''Sebastian:''' That's okay. This is on the house!
:''[Sebastian grunts]''
:''[JoJo gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Look out! He's got... Paperwork?
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got notes and visuals on where you've gone commercial and how you can get back to your roots! He's with the band now? He's not even a real fan! You see? You've got to come with me. You need my help!
:'''Rex:''' They're not going anywhere, but you are!
:'''Sebastian:''' My copies don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But you do!
:'''Girl:''' Whoa! You must really be a big fan!
:'''Sebastian:''' Only of their early stuff.
:'''Girl:''' Eww! Their early stuff is weak.
:'''Teen girl:''' But their new songs are awesome!
:''[Girls giggling]''
:''[Sebastian growls]''
:''[Girls screaming]''
:'''Rex:''' Excuse me. I'm with the band.
:'''Teen girl:''' But you missed your ride.
:'''Rex:''' That's okay. I've got my own.
:'''Man:''' Rock bands! Never again!
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got to take you away from this sellout existence, where you deny your first two albums even exist.
:'''Sly:''' B-but those albums weren't any good. That's why we only had a few fans, like you.
:'''Rex:''' If there's only three of them, then who's driving the car?
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Did he... Ah! Rent that car from the circus? Time to cut this act short.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' Oh, man. I went to my first Trendbenders show in that car.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe I can't turn off your obsession, but I can shut down your nanites.
:'''Beau:''' That clone-boy?
:'''Rex:''' I don't think he's going to be a problem now.
:'''JoJo:''' We can still use you on the tour. What did you say?
:'''Rex:''' Yes!
:'''Sly:''' Good man! ''[singing]'' You see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, kill your radio, you live a life for all to see, sometimes it's right, sometimes obscene, now you're the enemy, it's one for all and all for me, unlocking doors and misery, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, it isn't all, that it's cracked up to be, I never thought it'd be so easy, I wouldn't have it any other way, you see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah&quot;.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Sly:''' At least we got a day off before the next gig.
:'''JoJo:''' Guys, a club owner in fleeceburg just offered us amazing money. I booked it.
:'''Rex:''' For when?
:'''JoJo:''' We're already running late.
:'''Sly:''' They're paying money for us to play in this dump?
:'''JoJo:''' Big money. Come on. You're on in ten minutes.
:'''Rex:''' I'm guessing ticket sales are a little slow.
:'''Leon:''' Are we breaking up?
:'''Beau:''' This dive seems awfully familiar.
:'''Sebastian:''' It should.
:'''Rex:''' That voice seems awfully familiar!
:'''Teens:''' Dude! Nobody move! What's going on? Who's touching me? What is this? Excuse me. What is going on?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I built an exact replica of the first club you played in.
:'''Beau:''' Hey, that's one of my puke stains. Fruitcake knows his details.
:'''Rex:''' But I cured you.
:'''Sebastian:''' Hmm... That was a copy, not the original.
:'''Sly:''' Whatever. When's this gonna end, fan-boy?
:'''Sebastian:''' It ends tonight. Check the floor at your feet.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I've given up trying to get you back to your roots. So now you'll play what I want to hear for the next hour. And then your career ends with a bang. :'''Sly:''' On behalf of the band, I'd like to thank our manager, JoJo, for booking this totally insane gig!
:''[JoJo laughs nervously]''
:'''Sebastian:''' The sound of cold, hard cash is the only music sellouts like you listen to anymore.
:'''Rex:''' They're not sellouts. They just got more popular than you wanted.
:'''Sebastian:''' You try anything, and I'll end their last gig prematurely. You're only alive because I want you to see what the Trendbenders used to be like. For the next hour give me the early stuff, when you were cool.
:'''Sly:''' Why bother? You're gonna nuke us, anyway.
:'''Sebastian:''' Because if you don't play, this happens!
:'''Sly:''' Aah!
:'''Leon, Sly and Beau:''' No more!
:'''Sly:''' Okay, dude, what's the first number?
:'''Sebastian:''' &quot;Crawling undertow&quot;!
:'''Sly:''' Well, how does it feel?
:'''Sebastian:''' First album, seventh song. Fifth song on the Japanese import.
:'''Sly:''' To get that weight back on our shoulders--
:'''Sebastian:''' You're giving it a beat that wasn't in the original, man! Not even in the remix from the box set. Play it right this time! I'm missing the concert because of you!
:'''Rex:''' Stinks to be you. Got to cure the real Sebastian. But which one is the mother ship?
:'''Sebastian:''' You can't even play your old songs like you used to. Total disappointment. Let's end this bummer concert.
:'''Sly:''' But we still have over a half-hour left!
:'''Sebastian:''' Last song, no encore.
:'''Rex:''' Tell me who's the original, or I'll turn you into dessert topping!
:'''Sebastian:''' You don't scare me. I don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But the real Sebastian does. Sly! Maximum feedback! Now! Thanks, Doc.
:'''Sebastian''': AAAHHHH!
:'''Rex:''' How do you like their new hit, Sebastian Prime? Here's another new groove you're not going to like.
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Congrats. You're back to being a solo act.
:'''Sebastian:''' You've got to listen to me!
:''[Sebastian yelling]''
:'''Rex:''' Kidnapping, assault and battery, construction without a permit-- that should keep him away for years.
:'''JoJo:''' Have to say it, guys, but we've got a gig in toledo to get to. Security?
:'''Rex:''' Not anymore. Sebastian's done, and so am I.
:'''Sly:''' Dude, I thought you wanted the rock'n'roll lifestyle.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not tough enough for it. I need to get back to something easier, like city-smashing EVOs and conspiracies to take over the world.
:'''Beau:''' Don't know what your missing.
:'''Rex:''' I think do. But I don't miss this. Yes, doc? Don't need my earplugs anymore. I quit. Will you let me tell you? No, the EVO threat wasn't just an excuse. Well, I'm coming back! Will you let-- Doc!

===Lost and Found===

===My Brother's Keeper===

===Target: the Consortium===
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You are...?
: '''Rex:''' Rex. Rex Salazar. What are you?
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: '''Rex:''' HUNH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Rex gasps deeply]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. That was a total zero on the fun meter.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Learning how to communicate with the nanite world isn't about fun. Did you get anywhere at all?
: '''Rex:''' Don't know. I connected with a Master Control Nanite for a second, and then I lost it. But I also got, like, this feeling that something's about to happen in the nanite world. Something... big.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Argh! This is Rylander's speciality, not mine. There's no way I can cover for him.
: '''Caesar:''' Not to worry, Dr. Meechum. You won't have to any longer. Dr. Rylander will take over from here.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Oh, really, Caesar? From his current location of beyond the grave?
: '''Rylander:''' Actually, Peter, I was never completely dead-- just spread a little thin-- ''[chuckling]'' Moleculary speaking. Caesar's been working on putting me back together.
: '''Black Knight:''' All of them together-- At last. Contact the Consortium. We now have something to show them. Something big.
: '''White Knight:''' Even having two of the Master-Control Nanites doesn't change the vital importance of finding the other three. But the latest intel I've received could give us a way to neutralize the group obsessed with these machines.
: '''Six:''' The Consortium.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't those the money guys that bankrolled the Nanite Project in Providence?
: '''White Knight:''' The same. Formerly made-up of six members, but now five-- Reddick, made his wealth in real estate and construction. Vostock, black market finance and KGB... Zanubian, arms dealing and shipping. Roswell, oil and minerals. Anthony Haden-Scott, worldwide media.
: ''[Rex munches]''
: '''Rex:''' Should we be writing this down for the pop quiz later?
: '''White Knight:''' You may be facing them soon because of the efforts of our stealthiest agent.
: '''Rex:''' Mm! Thank you! I think.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' He's not talking about you.
: '''Rex:''' Hey! It's Evo-cat guy! Uh... sorry-- What's your name? O...kay, cat with no collar, what's in the sack? Bunch of canaries? Well, that's... something.
: '''White Knight:''' Our associate has been tracking the Consortium with a little help from a former member.
: '''Rex:''' I remember him! He's the one Rylander got revenge on with an EVO love letter.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That he never recovered from. But he's still full of useful knowledge about the other members.
: '''Rex:''' As long as you have a towel handy for the answers.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' The Consortium has financed a new facility for nanite research. All of them will be at that location within the next six hours.
: '''Six:''' And so will we.
: '''White Knight:''' A rare opportunity like this can't be missed. You three will capture the Consortium and bring them to a secure location. Understood?
: '''Rex:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Black Knight:''' Gentlemen, I wanted you here today to--
: '''Reddick:''' &quot;Wanted?&quot; Sounds like a command.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You get to ask, not order.
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm sorry. Let me restate. I asked you here because I can now present some major developments in your quest. I finished construction on the nanite reactor and reassembled against all odds the original science team to run it. Doctors Meechum, systems expert. Salazar, artificial intelligence. Rylander, microengineering. And Van Kleiss, biomechanical integration.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Nanite's recorder locked in. Hologram Rylander saves money on meals. Glow, glow, glow, yipper.
: ''[Van Kleiss smooches]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' A human flashlight and a brain-fried babbler. This is what I'm supposed to work with.
: '''Vostok:''' Looks like your geniuses have some issues.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' ''[British accent]'' I seem to recall there were two other Salazars on the team.
: '''Black Knight:''' They're dead-- And just as well. Considering their actions are responsible for our setbacks, I highly doubt they would have cooperated.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Black Pawns:''' Ohh!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Black Pawns got to talk to their costume designer. Way too stuffy.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Be quiet.
: '''Six:''' Our target?
: '''Roswell:''' ''[Southern accent]'' Little lady, I'm hoping you didn't get me out here just to watch some lab jockeys do their homework.
: '''Vostok:''' I know I've got better things to do.
: '''Black Knight:''' Aside from the all-important reassembly of the science team and activation of the nanite reactor, I do have another development to show you.
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah? What else you got?
: '''Black Knight:''' An acquisition.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' What's wrong with you?
: '''Rex:''' Forget the Consortium! I know where we can find a Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Six:''' Where?
: '''Rex''': Here.
: '''Six:''' We're doing both. You two get the nanite, I'll get the Consortium.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' On of the five? That's all?
: '''Reddick:''' You know we need all of the Master-Control Nanites to do us any good.
: '''Vostok:''' What about the two you lost? And the other two still out there?
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll have the other four in due time. Take this back to the vault. But remember that each one has its own useful powers. : '''Roswell:''' Not enough to drag me all the way out there, little lady.
: '''Black Knight:''' &quot;Black Knight&quot;.
: '''Black Pawns:''' You're not one of us.
: '''Six:''' Stay clear of the Pawns. They're not buying our cover. Repeat-- Stay clear of the Pawns.
: '''Rex:''' Steel door. A vault!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That was close.
: '''Rex:''' Got it. Have to be as stealthy as you from now on.
: ''[Jungle Catsnarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Van Kleiss!
: ''[Jungle Cat muffled grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Way not to be stealthy. Sorry, cat guy. I know you want payback for him turning you into stone and all, but the nanite is more important.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Security alert. Intruder.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You find the nanite. I'll be a diversion.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' She has shown us some progress. That one nanite is significant in itself.
: '''Reddick:''' It's all five or nothing. Or are you thinking of working a separate deal with the one?
: '''Vostok:''' Can we please not talk like this while those two are in the room?
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah, Xanubian, put a sock in all your yammerin'.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Another intruder at security zone three. It's Agent Six.
: '''Rex:''' Gotcha.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Unh! Aah!
: '''Rex:''' I'll take that. Six! I've got the nanite!
: '''Six:''' Meet your outside.
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' I've got it! Let's scat, cat!
: '''Black Knight:''' If he's here-- So is Rex. Vault security, come in.
: '''Reddick:''' Is there a problem?
: '''Black Knight:''' A minor security issue. I'm taking care of it.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You better, little lady.
: '''Rex:''' Well, mission half accomplished.
: '''Six:''' This should complete it.
: '''Rex:''' You planted a bomb?!
: '''Six:''' Plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' The cat! He's still inside! No! We've got to go back for the cat! He's on his own mission. Van Kleiss is there.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Black Knight, shouldn't we evacuate?
: '''Black Knight:''' The security threat has been removed. Among other things. Track them, find them.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Interlace template, instal copper buffers, hold the mayo, set core temp, heat cold fries.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Remember me?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Someone let the cat in.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You cast me aside as if I was garbage. Turned me to stone. Drained me of life-- Almost. Now it's your turn to suffer.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Had a kitty once. Not you. Bubbles liked catnip and parsnips. Chapped lips. Hip, hip, hooray!
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're here to clean up, ask for directions, not Dr. Screwloose.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Meechum. Bro. He's here to put Van Kleiss out of the world's misery. Give me a reason why he shouldn't.
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Rylander:''' Because the world needs him right now, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander! How did you--
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[to Caesar]'' You got it to work.
: '''Rylander:''' I've looked better, I'll admit, but I'm still very much alive. And so happy to see you again.
: '''Rex:''' If you could bring him back--
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. It won't work for mom and dad.
: '''Rex:''' So, you've come back-- But you're working for them!
: '''Rylander:''' It seems crazy, I know, but look at our progress-- The nanite reactor is almost operational!
: '''Rex:''' Not if I destroy it.
: '''Black Knight:''' Surround them.
: '''Caesar:''' Trust me, hermano, We're doing the right thing.
: '''Rex:''' You keep saying that, but I don't believe it anymore!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Bubbles, I'm sorry. Here, kitty, kitty. Left you out in the rain, rain go away--
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! Easy on the hot sauce, Peter, Peter pumpkin two seater.
: '''Rylander:''' ''[to Caesar]'' Tell him, Caesar!
: '''Rex:''' Tell me what?
: '''Six:''' Revenge time is up.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat roars]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Aah! Careful! Our work! Ugh! Take it outside!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Rex. Rex Salazar.
: '''Rex:''' I can't talk now! Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Thank you.
: '''Rex:''' You're so not welcome.
: '''Black Knight:''' You should have left when you had the chance.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You guys have such a great cafeteria.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Had to come back for more.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah! Unh!
: '''Six:''' Unh!
: ''[Black Knight grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Six:''' UNNNNNNNNH!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' Let's say adiós.
: '''Six:''' There's still plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' We're not assassins.
: '''Six:''' You're not. This might be our one chance.
: '''Rex:''' To be like them? Then what makes us different?
: '''Six:''' Go. I'm right behind you.
: '''Roswell:''' You brought us into an ambush! Right behind you, Mr. Chatterbox.
: '''Vostok:''' You are cowards.
: '''Reddick:''' Graveyards are full of dummies that thought they were though.
: '''Vostok:''' Black Knight, we have a lot to discuss about your future.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, let's talk.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Where's Six?
: '''Rex:''' He said he was right behind us.
: '''Six:''' I am. The Consortium still has to be dealt with.
: '''Rex:''' We now have three Master Control Nanites. I'd say the Consortium has to deal with us.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I'm shocked. What happened?
: '''Black Knight:''' It seems Vostok had an unfortunate run-in with our intruders as he was leaving. But, there's good news. The reactor is gone. Soon we will have all the nanites we need.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' I think it's time we walked about my promotion.

===Convergence===
===Enter the Nanite World===

===Enemies Mine===
: '''Valve:''' Battle is to be waged between your courage and my power. You lose.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Valve, my friend. Lovely day for a riot, don't you think?
: '''Valve:''' What do you want, Gatlocke?
: '''Gatlocke:''' I want lots of things-- A doomsday weapon, my own private island, for my mom to stop calling me to fix her computer. But what I really want is to give you a message. It's time. I suppose I'll make the introductions.
: '''Valve:''' A biker needs no introduction. And everyone knows Hunter Cain.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Everything is going according to plan. We get one more thing. Then we get wrecked.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry we're late.
: '''Bobo:''' We're not late. We're fashionably early.
: '''Providence Agent:''' I was starting to think I was on my own. I've been calling for help, but  Providence hasn't answered.
: '''Six:''' What set this off?
: '''Providence Agent:''' No idea. One moment everything was fine. The next moment, complete chaos.
: '''Rex:''' I'm heading in. I'll lock up when I'm done. Oh, don't bother getting up. I'm just gonna knock you back down again.
: '''Bobo:''' Back in your cages, you filthy animals!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What? You? It's a who's-who of old EVOs. Whew! Really not in the mood for this. You're kidding me. You?!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Three men, one objective, no rules. Oh, this is exciting, isn't it? Or is it just me?
: '''Valve:''' The others are saying that Rex is here. Rex will get his when we're ready.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Watch yourselves. This one's unpredictable. We know what you want, No-Face. Then we can give it to you. Do what we say. Then you'll get Rex. You'll get the chance to tear Rex apart. Piece by piece. Now we're ready.
: '''Rex:''' So you remember who I am. Surprised you have a big enough brain for that. These cells are pretty dull. Let's redecorate. No way I'm letting an EVO get won over on me. Especially a big old frog.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Almost out. Freedom is just a... Bottomless ravine away.
: '''Valve:''' The biker begs the question, how are we getting across?
: '''Gatlocke:''' You know that's not really how begging the question is supposed to be used. Are we kidding? Anyone who gets worked up over that phrase needs to be savagely beaten.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' This'll override the drawbridge system.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, now how would someone like you procure something like that?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Friends and hide places.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, frog legs. Let's put you in solitary confinement.
: '''Bobo:''' Do you look like you got run over by an overstuffed garbage truck?
: '''Rex:''' Feels like it. This is a prison riot. Where's Providence? They should be all over this.
: '''Six:''' They never responded to any calls.
: '''Rex:''' It's a setup. Providence wanted this to happen. But why?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Go ahead.
: '''Rex:''' Wait. This bridge wasn't down before.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. About that. Some of the prisoners escaped together. Gatlocke...
: '''Rex:''' That's bad.
: '''Bobo:''' Hunter Cain...
: '''Rex:''' That's even worse!
: '''Bobo:''' Valve.
: '''Rex:''' That's... Really? Valve?
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. And No-Face.
: '''Rex:''' Those four are loose? Together?
: '''Six:''' We've got a bigger problem.
: '''Rex:''' How can it be bigger than this?
: '''Six:''' The EVOs in the city-- The only thing keeping them tame are their control collars.
: '''Rex:''' And this is a problem because...?
: '''Six:''' Because someone has shut them all down.
: '''Rex:''' Let me get that for you.
: '''Bobo:''' Dumpster dog. Considering you used to ride around in the Paris, I guess you're moving up in the world. Main to your mud.
: '''Six:''' Are you injured?
: '''Rex:''' Just worn out. Is this day over yet?
: '''Bobo:''' Oh! Signs pointing no.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? That came from the track. Can you handle things here?
: '''Bobo:''' Only one way to find out. Valve. Those nanite superchargers you keep using are bad for your health.
: '''Valve:''' If I were you, I'd be more concerned with your own short-term health.
: '''Rex:''' Please, like I have anything to worry about from you. The other three, they're dangerous. You, you're just comedy relief.
: '''Valve:''' I am not. Comedy relief.
: '''Rex:''' Well, you're not funny, that's for sure.
: '''Valve:''' Like the road that continues on, so must the biker.
: '''Rex:''' Where did he go so? Ew! Get away from my tacos, cockroach! Huh? You running away? I'll give you this much, Valve. Maybe you're getting smarter.
: '''No-Face:''' Unlike you.
: '''Rex:''' I put you away once, No-Face. I'll do it again.
: '''No-Face:''' The one who makes machines. The one we've been waiting for.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Figures you try to shoot a guy in the back.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' All I see is a filthy EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, first off, that Lai is tired. Second off, last time I checked, you're teaming up with one. Would that make you an EVO lover? All this hide and seek is wearing me down! Huh? Figures.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Leaving so soon? That's not going to impress the hiring committee. Now, let's see what we have here. &quot;Honor roll, A/V Club.&quot; Ugh. &quot;Glee Club.&quot; ''[Scoffs]'' I'm going to have to be brutally honest with you. You're perfect for my gang. Can you sing soprano? My last soprano drove his motorcycle off a cliff. He survived, but his voice was never the same. By the way, can you fly? This is quite the surprise. I'm willing to hire you, Rex, but you better have some excellent references.
: '''Rex:''' Back to prison, Gatlocke!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Then consider the offer rescinded! You could be a valued member of my gang. It's a tough job market out there, you know?
: '''Rex:''' I'd never work for you!
: '''Gatlocke:''' No, not with that attitude, you wouldn't. Welcome to my gang. Your first task is to destroy Rex-- That guy right there.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' Your second task is to complete harassment training. I teach the class. This pamphlet explains everything.
: '''Rex:''' No, no, no!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, come in. What's happening?
: '''Rex:''' One really bad day.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Your nanite readings are off the charts.
: '''Rex:''' No surprise. I've been fighting and curing EVOs non stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' We need to upload your nanites immediately.
: '''Rex:'''  Now? Doc, my four worst enemies are still on the loose. Well, my three worst enemies in Valve. Plus the city's in chaos. And where in the world is Providence? How come they're not here dealing with this?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Six and Bobo can mop up the last few EVOs. You have to offload.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, fine. But we better make it fast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll be locked in the chamber for one hour.
: '''Rex:''' Just do it, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' This could be a long sixty minutes.
: '''Valve:''' According to the tracking bug, Rex is inside.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Gentlemen, this is what we've been waiting for. It's time for Rex to die.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They followed him.
: '''Gatlocke:''' After we kill Rex. We should work together and form a team call ourselves... Gatlocke and the kitty cats.
: '''Valve:''' Silence your mouth or the biker will silence it for you.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Oh, Valve. You can pretend to be angry, but deep down, you know you're a kitty cat.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' They know we're here.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're quite feisty. Have you ever considered a career in the fast growing field of post apocalyptic gangs?
: '''Valve:''' She has spirit. Valve the biker will see that spirit crushed.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're Gatlocke's favorite kitty cat. Hmm. Rrr.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Don't follow her. She's trying to lead us away from Rex. Rex is close-by.
: '''Valve:''' Rex's chamber... Five minutes to spare.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' More than enough time.
: '''Gatlocke:''' I could have sworn that we'd agreed to take Rex out together.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I'm changing the terms of the deal if you have a problem with that, feel free to stand right where you are. I've waited a long time for this. Rex!
: '''Valve:''' Empty? Or a trick of the mind?
: '''Rex:''' Isn't that obvious? Then again, that tracking bug you stuck on me was obvious, too. And the fake countdown? Obvious. It only took me thirty minutes to upload my nanites. You wanted to run me ragged so you could get me. Instead, here you are all in one place. Gotcha!
: '''Valve:''' UGHH!
: '''Rex:''' UGHHHH! I still don't get why you enlisted Valve. I mean, he's really a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' Valve is the biker. A biker is dangerous.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. Yeah. No.
: '''Valve:''' Rrrr!
: '''Rex:''' So unpredictable. Like a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' AAAAH!
: '''Gatlocke:''' I have a horrible sneaking suspicion that he's winning.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Then do something about it!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Don't have to yell. A kind word will get you much further.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' UGHHH! Oh! Oh! Oh ho ho! Ouch! My back! My front and my back! OHH! This is total, total agony!
: ''[Gatlocke gasps]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' ''[Calmly]'' I'm okay. Really. I'm fine.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' You're lucky. I'll give you that. But you're only delaying the inevitable. You can't beat us all!
: '''Rex:''' I never intended to. This offload facility? I reprogrammed it. My surplus nanites aren't being stored. They're powering the shield.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' It's a trap!
: '''Rex:''' Have fun keeping each other company!
: '''Bobo:''' What a day.
: '''Rex:''' You know, none of this would have happened if Providence hadn't released the convicts and turned out all those EVOs.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They did that to keep you busy.
: '''Rex:''' Keep me busy from what?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The Nanite Project. We just found out. While we dealt with the EVOs, Black Knight got her hands on another Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' Then it's time.

===Sinister Secrets===
===Wounded Hearts===
===One Step Ahead===
===Breaking Point===
===Behind Closed Doors===

===Keeping Hope===
===Trust===

===Terror of the Black Knight===

===Endgame, Part One===
: '''Rex:''' It was going to happen sooner or later. We had most of the pieces, so it was only a matter of time before the Black Knight made her move. And of all the chances she had to attack, it had to be tonight... at this very moment... while I was in the shower. Huh? How many?
: '''Six:''' Should it matter?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Can't you do any better than that?
: '''Bobo:''' I thought you'd never ask.
: '''Rex:''' Rah! Yah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' If they get to the Meta-Nanites, we still have options.
: '''Rex:''' Of the self-destruct kind? No, thanks, doc. It's not going to end that way... hopefully.
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll dispense with the pleasantries. You know what we want.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way you're walking out of here with the nanites.
: '''Black Knight:''' You seem so certain.
: '''Rex:''' We've beaten you before. Every single time, in fact. So, this time is different... How? Okay, that's different. Ugh! You're an EVO?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Do you think you were the only one they experimented on back in the day? You were the guinea pig. Consider me the new-and-improved version.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. Before we go any further, I should probably explain a few things. It started when a bunch of rich guys decided they wanted to live forever, so they got the best scientists in the world to figure out how. The answer was nanites. These microscopic machines would cure disease, end hunger, and pretty much make the world a better place. My parents and older brother were on the team, and so was this guy. Look familiar? Van Kleiss. Then one day there was an accident. To save my life, my parents injected me with nanites. It worked. But there were a few crazy side effects, like the fact I could talk to machines and, later on, build some pretty cool things. That got the rich guys thinking-- How far could we take this? Turns out pretty far. These little machines could control the very fabric of the Universe, but they would need a Master-Control Nanite to program all the others and tell them what to do. Energy, gravity, time/space, elemental, mechanical-- All the things that make the Universe run. Combined together, they would pretty much make you a God. And when my brother and parents found out the Consortium was about to put these nanites inside themselves, they sort of freaked out in a &quot;got to save the Earth&quot; kind of way. Something had to be done to stop it. Turns out that meant blowing the whole thing up, better known as &quot;The Nanite Event&quot;. That didn't end well for my parents. While everyone else ran away, my parents were trapped inside. Sill not sure how. There was some good news-- No more Master-Control Nanites. And the bad news? Dangerous unprogrammed nanites got spread across the world, and nanites plus DNA equals EVO. My brother Caesar got caught in a time warp during his escape. Van Kleiss got blown to smithereens and became the world's biggest pain in the nanite. And me? I got amnesia and traveled the globe living the good life... At least, that's how I tell it. The only part I know of wasn't all that much to brag about. I did get some good friends and a few enemies out of the deal. Turns out that losing my memory was a regular thing for me. Last time I woke up and said, &quot;Who Am I?&quot; It was when this guy found me-- Agent Six. He worked for Providence, sort of a global police force created to clean up after the event. It was paid for mostly by the same group of goons that started the whole thing-- The Consortium. It was great for a while. I had my own personal doctor, a chimp sidekick, a cool best friend to hang with. I was a full-fledged hero. The world loved me, and my powers kept getting better and better. Van Kleiss was still a pain, but I managed to take care of him. A few times, actually. Then things started to get not so cool. My brother shows up from out of nowhere. I get thrown six months into the future to find White Knight kicked out of Providence and this lady in charge-- Black Knight. She's been the lapdog of the Consortium from day one, and now her bosses want to pick up where they left off. Most of the old team of scientists have been reunited, and together, they've restarted the nanite program. The Master-Control Nanites were spread across the globe in the first explosion, and we've been racing against Providence to get them back. So far, we've been winning that fight, and that pretty much brings us to right now.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' The Black Pawns are robots?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Total obedience at the flip of a switch. Can you blame me?
: '''Black Pawn:''' What's so funny?
: '''Six:''' I hold back against people. You're not people.
: ''[Bobo Haha grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Ugh!
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! Hey! Take it easy, would you? Oh!
: '''Rex:''' Fitzy?!
: '''Feakins:''' Heh? Sorry, guy. They found me. She's hard to say &quot;No&quot; to... and live.
: '''Black Knight:''' Well put, Mr. Feakins. And thanks to his unique ability, we can set aside our nanite enhancements and do this the old-fashioned way.
: '''Rex:''' Come on. That's not fair. I'm unarmed!
: '''Black Knight:''' Precisely.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Stop! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad idea.
: '''Rex:''' Listen to the crazy guy.
: '''Black Knight:''' Why are you here, Van Kleiss?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I forgot. Oh, no, wait. I remember. He's got a Master-Control Nanite swallowed up inside him. It's been hiding, the naughty thing.
: '''Rex:''' On second thought, don't listen to him. He's, uh-- He's crazy, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're sure of this?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, yes, yes. Quite sure. Do you have any mints?
: '''Black Knight:''' I want Rex at the lab. Restrain and sedate him.
: '''Rex:''' How, hold on a minute.
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! What about me?
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm not taking any chances. He stays with Rex. Kill the others.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Ahh.
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Human.
: '''Rex:''' What are you telling me? What do you want?
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I get it. How?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Caesar:''' Calm down, Rex. You're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Safe?! Black Knight and her robo-troopers just came knocking, and Van crazy says I have a Master-Control Nanite inside me!
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating, isn't it? All this time, it's been hiding undetected inside you. I wonder if this particular control unit is responsible for his unique nano-evolution.
: '''Rex:''' Are any of you even listening to me?
: '''Feakins:''' Boy, I am. It's like a movie but real! I just want to go start pressing buttons. Can I get another milkshake?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How exactly do you plan on getting it out of him?
: '''Black Knight:''' I have a suggestion. Tear it out.
: '''Rylander:''' It would kill him.
: '''Black Knight:''' That's none of my concern.
: '''Caesar:''' The nanite is tied to his DNA. Simply pulling it out of him would ruin the nanite.
: '''Rex:''' And me, too, remember?
: '''Caesar:''' The only way this will work is if we put him in the cyclotron with the other Metas. It should extract automatically during the reassembly.
: '''Black Knight:''' And if it doesn't?
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Good question.
: '''Rex:''' Here's another one-- Don't I get a say in this? Like, isn't this the exact thing that our parents died trying to stop?
: '''Black Knight:''' Take him to the hub and prepare for the transfer. The Consortium is here and extremely impatient. I want this finished within the hour.
: '''Feakins:''' Aah! Hey, what am I-- Sandpaper? Not so rough! ''[sputtering]'' Rough.
: '''Rex:''' Glad someone can see the humor in this.
: '''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, see that Rex is well taken care of.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' ''[to Caesar]'' I hope you know what you're doing, Salazar. This is a huge risk we're taking.
: '''Rylander:''' Listen to Peter. The thing we swore to stop at any cost, the thing that took your parents-- It could happen-- Right here, today!
: '''Caesar:''' It can't, and it won't. You'll have to trust me on this.
: '''Rylander:''' You can only say that so many times, Caesar.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We've been waiting almost an hour. Not even refreshments?
: '''Black Knight:''' You can have your snack after we become Gods.
: '''Roswell:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's right-- &quot;We.&quot; None of this would be possible without my efforts.
: '''Roswell:''' And our money, sister.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, have your contempt. There's plenty of room buried next to the Russian if you'd like to keep him company. That's what I thought. Now, if you'll follow me--
: '''Bobo:''' &quot;Kill the others.&quot; Not gonna happen, lady. We're bulletproof. Ow! Hangnail.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! We know where they took him. Why are we here? We need to go get Rex.
: '''Six:''' I agree. We just don't have the resources, Rebecca. We'd need an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've been known to make the impossible happen, Six. How hard could that be?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Copy that. We just got ourselves an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You see?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' That will be all.
: '''Feakins:''' But the lady said-- Good luck, Kid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' These restraints were made for you. You're very special, you know.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky me.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss... leave us.
: '''Rex:''' I really hate you.
: '''Caesar:'''I know how this looks, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' But what? I just have to trust you? Is that what you were going to say? Just help me-- Please.
: '''Caesar:''' It may not seem like it, but I am.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar... I'm scared.
: '''Caesar:''' So am I, little brother. This will all be over in a few minutes.
: '''Rex:''' It's already over! When I get out of this, I never want to see you again!
: '''Rylander:''' Commencing countdown.
: '''Roswell:''' WHOO-HOO!
: '''Reddick:''' Payback time!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' This won't be entirely unpleasant. It should feel similar to when you offload surplus nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Stop! You can't do this! You can't merge!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Something's wrong.
: '''Rylander:''' Of course something's wrong. The kid is fighting it.
: '''Caesar:''' This could be bad.
: '''Rylander:''' You have to tell him, Caesar!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, you have to stop. Listen to me. The nanites are supposed to do-- Rex? Can you hear me?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Actually, he can't. There's a short in the comm relay.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' This would be a wonderful day for a picnic.
: '''Rex:''' RA-A-A-A-A-A-H!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' So much for that plan.
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, serves you right. All that and you come out of the oven looking like freaks. Nice job!
: '''Black Knight:''' It's not exactly what we were expecting, but it's a start.
: '''Reddick:''' This isn't what we agreed to.
: '''Roswell:''' Where's the rest of our power? This is all messed up!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How can this be possible?
: '''Rylander:''' The Meta-Nanites were dispersed between the five. This is quite a surprise.
: '''Caesar:''' We've got to get Rex out of there. Step aside, Van Kleiss.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' They still don't have what they want... and neither do you.
: '''Black Knight:''' You're angry. I can see that. If you want to take it out on anyone, it should be Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I think I can agree to that.
: '''Roswell:''' Count me in! This might actually be fun!
: '''Rex:''' Let's think about this for a second. Whoa!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' How 'bout that? Exactly one second. Whoa! Aah!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What a perfect way to learn to use our powers-- Tearing this brat apart.
: '''Rex:''' Only one problem with that, sparky. I've been using my powers a whole lot longer-- And I'm pretty good.
: '''Roswell:''' You got any ideas here, missy, or we gonna stand around and get it handed to us?
: '''Black Knight:''' The Meta-Nanites were designed to work together. So will we.
: '''Rex:''' What? Are you gonna join together to make a robo-mutant?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's exactly what we're going to do.
: '''Rex:''' I need to stop giving them ideas. Huh?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' No one the help you-- No family, no friends, nothing. It's a terrible way to go.
: '''White Knight:''' Captain Calan, target the base. All weapons, sire.
: '''Providence Agent:''' Fire control reports they're being jammed, sir.
: '''White Knight:''' Only one salvo. Black Knight must have prepared for this.
: ''[Rex groans softly]''
: '''Rex:''' Big giant robot. Black Knight.
: '''Six:''' We know.
: '''Rex:''' Have to... stay and stop them.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Another time, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' I-I--
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to White Knight. We have Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We're just gonna watch them go?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Let Providence have their weapon back. With our combined power, the world is ours.

===Endgame, Part Two===
:'''Black Knight:''' Science has given us a tremendous gift-- Nanites. We've seen what they can do-- The good and the bad. But they're true potential has been largely unseen. Until now. Our goals are varied. Fame... power... revenge... wealth... order. Yet, one thing unites us-- Greed. You're surprised I admit it? Well, don't be. You'll never get far in life without wanting it all. And for those who might consider standing in our way... We'll let our powers speak for themselves. The world is ours. And no one can stop us.
:''[Roswell laughs]''
:'''Roswell:''' This is more fun than my first rodeo. What else you got?
:'''Six:''' Any change?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's sleeping. The nanites in him are making repairs. That's a good thing. He's a tough kid, Six.
:'''Six:''' I know.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' See you next time. Judging by what you fed us for lunch, I'm guessing twenty minutes. Can't even go to the little scientists' room without them breathing down our necks. How long are we going to put up with this?
:'''Caesar:''' I know it's not easy working under these circumstances.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Do you? I don't hear you complaining, or have you even noticed that we're prisoniers?
:'''Rylander:''' Gentlemen, please. Can we focus on a more important problem? The Consortium's gain of power is a troubling outcome. Something should be done.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're talking about stopping them, I'm listening.
:'''Black Knight:''' I want you all in the boardroom in three minutes.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' The world is being taken over by nanite-fueled ex-c.e.o. Psychos, and they still act like they're running a business.
:'''Roswell:''' You nerds gave us a raw deal. I want a do-over.
:'''Caesar''': A do-over?
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What my colleague means to say is that our powers are remarkable to be sure, but we only have one seventh of what we were promised.
:'''Rylander:''' You're asking a lot.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You're asking the impossible. You'd be lucky to survive the extraction.
:'''Caesar:''' This is true. You may be powerful, but you're not Rex.
:'''Black Knight:''' I share your disappointment, gentlemen. But are you willing to lose everything for this?
:'''Roswell:''' Go big or go home.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, what do you have to say?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Easy-peasy. I can do it. It's only a matter of correctly calibrating the bio-filters with the homing frequency of the nanites. By the way, have you seen my socks?
:'''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss--
:'''Black Knight:''' Has an assignment. The rest of you... Stay out of trouble.
:'''Rex:''' You started without me.
:'''Six:''' Glad to see you up and around. Something bothering you?
:'''Rex:''' Besides black knight taking over the world? I'm trying to find my friends. I know Providence took them.
:'''Six:''' We're working on that.
:'''Rex:''' And are we doing anything about the Consortium? What about... The robot? The one I can build. Don't play dumb, Six.
:'''Six:''' Come with me.
:'''Rex:''' That's me? No way! All this time, I could have been making myself into that thing? Ohh! Maybe not.
:'''Six:''' Evidence suggest that you've never been able to control it. It's a weapon of last defense. This was filmed on the day that I found you. It was also the day I made a promise that it would be the last time you ever built this machine.
:''[Rex scoffs]''
:'''Rex:''' Or what, you'd kill me? You plan on keeping that promise?
:'''Six:''' Rex, you have to know something. We believe this is the type of thing that ends in you losing your memory.
:'''Rex:''' Well, it happened to you, and you turned out just fine.
:'''Six:''' I only lost six years. Six years is all you have. You would lose everything. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but you need to think about the consequences of some of your options.
:'''Noah:''' It feels weird hanging out when the world is under attack. I don't know if I should be fighting back or out in the wilderness setting up a survival compound.
:'''Rex:''' If you had the power to stop all this, but it meant losing everything, would you do it, Noah?
:'''Noah:''' I don't know. I'm just glad I don't have to make that kind of decision. I guess that's why you're the hero.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' I wish I could get some kind of sign. Anything. Hmm.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Red and yellow, red and yellow. One false move can kill a fellow.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' He's got local control. We're locked out. I still don't even know how this is possible.
:'''Rylander:''' I've been looking at the data projections. As crazy as Van Kleiss is, his theory is sound.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Sorry to disturb your sleepy sleep. There might be a slight delay.
:'''Black Knight:''' Why?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' We have a visitor. Should I set out tea?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, in there! Come on out!
:'''Black Knight:''' Back for more? Happy to accommodate.
:'''Rex:''' I should warn you. It's going to get ugly.
:'''Black Knight:''' One would think you would have learned the last time. I can feel you resisting me. Stop.
:'''Roswell:''' Why is it you get to call all the shots?
:'''Black Knight:''' Because I'm the one who has the power to join us. Help me defeat Rex, and you can call all the shots you like.
:'''Rex:''' Hyah!
:''[Rex babbling]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Six:''' It's a weapon of last defense. It's happened.
:'''Noah:''' That's Rex?
:'''White Knight:''' I'm going to assume you're seeing what I'm seeing.
:'''Six:''' White--
:'''White Knight:''' Before you say anything, Six-- Whatever agreement we may have had regarding this situation no longer applies. Am I clear?
:'''Six:''' Understood.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': What was that all about?
:'''Six:''' A second chance.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, we have to do something.
:'''Six:''' I've seen it before. We're too late.
:''[Rex coughing]''
:'''Rex:''' Donde esta mi zapato?
:'''Noah:''' Rex! Hold on!
:'''Rex:''' What? What happened?
:'''Bobo:''' You blew up, kid.
:'''Six:''' Do you know who we are?
:'''Rex:''' I... I do! Oh-ho! I remember! Ow! Ow! I wish I could forget this pain in my... The Consortium!
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' This is utter nonsense. I refuse to be led around like a show dog.
:'''Reddick:''' You can always go back outside and take it up with Providence.
:'''Black Knight:''' Guard the door. Nothing gets by you.
:'''Six:''' They're robots.
:'''Rex:''' Oh! Right! That part I forgot.
:'''Bobo:''' Next time, leave some for the rest of us, huh?
:'''Rylander:''' I'll stay here and guard the equipment.
:''[Rylander laughs]''
:'''Caesar:''' Little brother, they've had this place completely locked down. I've been trying to reach you.
:'''Bobo:''' What he said.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Yeah, you deserved that.
:'''Rex:''' Open it.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' We can't. Still completely locked out of the system. Besides, you can't interrupt once the cycle has started.
:'''Rex:''' Well, then, un-start it!
:'''Black Knight:''' You cleaned up for the occasion. How thoughtful of you.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, this isn't for you. You didn't actually believe that I'd let the five of you have all this power.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I thought you were working for us?
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Rex:''' You see that? I knew it! He's not crazy! Okay... oh! He's crazy, but just his usual crazy.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, I am not amused.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I don't imagine you would be. This was always my intention, even in the very beginning. It's a pity your parents caught me trying to activate the sequence for myself. And, of course, there's the &quot;broken&quot; hatch. The world would be a much better place if they had just left well enough alone.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Black Knight, do something.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, you have made a huge mistake.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, then, let the fun begin.
:''[Black Knight groans]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You can't overload that relay from a subdirectory. You have to get a root. It's impossible from here.
:'''Caesar:''' You're a very negative person, Peter Meechum.
:''[Dr. Meechum groans]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'll try from the main terminal in the lab.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, wait! That's not necessary.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not waiting around, hermano.
:'''Caesar:''' No. That's not what I mean.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I can see it.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Huh? No.
:''[Van Kleiss groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's incredible something so small could have so much [[w:Omnipotence|power]]. That thing could rip apart the very fabric of the universe.
:'''Rex:''' It's still a nanite. I'm gonna talk to it.
:'''Caesar:''' No. It's okay.
:''[The fully complete Meta Nanite comes to Rex, as if it were waiting for him, whose eyes and body glow with a pale blue cosmic aura.]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, listen to me. The Meta-Nanite-- It could never work in anyone but you. Now in its pure state. Mom and dad, we programmed them that way from the very beginning. All of this... It's meant for you.
:'''Six:''' What are you saying?
:'''Caesar:''' Right now, Rex is [[Omnipotence|the most powerful being in the universe]].
:'''Bobo:''' You hear that, Kid? Don't let it get to your head.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, doc. This is pretty trippy. Not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do now.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're a [[God]], Rex. You can do anything you want.
:'''Six:''' You know what to do.
:'''Rex:''' You're right, Six. So are the rest of you. I can do anything I want. Maybe it's time for a revolution. Isn't that what you five wanted? A revolution? Well, welcome to it.
:'''Noah:''' Is he gonna be like this from now on?
:'''Rylander:''' Uh... People. He's inside the nanite reactor.
:'''Dr. Holiday and Caesar:''' Inside?
:'''Rex:''' Okay, little guys. I need you to do something for me.
:'''Black Knight:''' Follow me, quickly.
:'''Reddick:''' I'm through following you. We trusted you everything, and look what we got.
:'''Black Knight:''' We may still be able to retain some of our abilities, but only if you follow me.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Are you seeing this?
:'''Rylander:''' Tehnically, I don't have eyes, but yes.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Reports are coming in. EVO's all over the world are spontaneously curing.
:'''Six:''' Not spontaneous.
:'''Caesar:''' He must have programmed all the nanites in the reactor to initiate a worldwide cure event.
:'''Black Knight:''' What is your next directive?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want anyone using you again. Ever. And that includes me. Deactivate.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I think it's over.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I think you're right.
:'''Caesar:''' I wanted to tell you, brother. So much was at stake.
:'''Rex:''' We're good. And we'll always be brothers.
:'''Diane Ferrah:''' Across the world, not an EVO to be found. After more than six years, it appears we've awoken from the nightmare.
:'''White Knight:''' The EVOs may be gone, but we still have nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Leave it to you to spoil  all the fun, White Knight.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' There are some people here to see you, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd?
:'''Skwydd:''' Eh, I guess I should start going by Walter again.
:''[Rex runs to Circe and the two lovers share a close hug, happy to be together at last]''
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Are you...?
:'''Circe:''' I'm okay. Normal, but okay. I think you may have put yourself out of a job.
:'''Skywdd:''' Yeah. What are you gonna do? Go to school?
:'''Rylander:''' It was nice having the team back together. You know, we should find a new project.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You kidding? I'd rather have root canal with a rake. Worst experience of my life.
:'''Caesar:''' Do you want to hear about some of my new ideas or not?
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'm listening.
:'''Rex:''' Finally.
:'''Six:''' Need anything?
:'''Rex:''' Nope. I'm good. There's always going to be something, isn't there?
:'''Six:''' Yes, there is.

==Characters==
===Main===
*Rex Salazar (Daryl Sabara)
*Six
*White Knight
*Bobo Haha
===Supporting===
*Circe (Tara Sands)
*Tuck (Dante Bosco) 
*Skwydd
*Cricket
*Beverley Holiday 
*Caesar Salazar
*Five
*Tres
*IV

===Villains===
*Van Kleiss
*The Pack
*Gatlocke
*Hunter Cain
*Quarry
*Black Knight
*The Consortium
===Couples===
*Dr. Rebecca Holiday &amp; Six
*Rex &amp; Circe
*Noah Nixon &amp; Claire Bowman
==Elements==
===Rex's Machines &quot;Builds&quot;===
*Big Fat Sword
*Buzz Saw
*Punk Busters
*Boogie Pack
*Cannon
*Smack Hands

===Rex's Other Abilities===
*Technopathy
*Data Manipulation
*Technological Manipulation 
*E.V.O. Curing
*Breach Detection
*Electronic Disruption

===Omega Nanite-Powered Builds===
*Blast Caster
*Funchucks
*Bad Axes
*Block Party
*Sky Slider
*Water Jet

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1636691/ Generator Rex] at [[Internet Movie Database]]
* [http://generatorrexpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Generator_Rex Generator Rex] at Wikia

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[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
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[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen superhero TV shows]]
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[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]]
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This is a list of quotes from the popular, yet cancelled animated television series ''[[w:Generator Rex|Generator Rex]]''. A video game and several chapter books were produced. 

The series supposedly &quot;[[w: cliffhanger|concluded]]&quot; with its third season, despite leaving many questions unanswered and crucial elements unresolved ''before'' the two-part Season 3 finale, ''Endgame''.
==Season One (2010-2011)==
===The Day That Everything Changed===
:'''Bobo''': Wheels or wings?
:'''Rex''': Wheels, I wanna tear something up.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Agent Six''': He just needs more training control of those emotions.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': He's a teenager that's like asking you to get a different color suit!
===String Theory===
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, we had a situation at the safe house. Meecham is cured. It was Rex.
:(''The camera zooms in on Van Kleiss whose expressive vindictive indeed'')
===Beyond the Sea===
:''Note'': Rex meets his [[w:love interest|love interest]] and sweetheart, Circe.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex''': Don't know what you're 24/7 is, but mine is 10% OH YEAH! And 90% uhh.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex:''' Outta the way!
:'''Circe:''' Uh!
:(''Rex and Circe both crash to the ground'')
:'''Rex:''' Are you okay? Did you see that awesome save?
: '''Circe:''' Sorry, I was busy trying not to get tackled by some nitwit.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah? How that work out for you? And who still uses the word &quot;nitwit&quot;? I'm Rex.
: '''Circe:''' I'm leaving.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait!
: '''Noah:''' Rex, you're up.
: ────────────────────
: '''Six:''' What about the new tracker?
: '''Doctor Holdiay:''' His nanites unbuilt it, just like all the other ones we tried sneaking in him. We're still receiving his biometric readings though. It's strange, they're all over the place. It's almost like his emotions are...shorting out.
: '''Six:''' He took an unusual interest in Calan's briefing about equatorial upticks.
: '''Doctor Holiday:''' And that's important because?
: '''Six:''' Rex has been acting stir-crazy and I heard the monkey mention something about spring break. ''[to workers]'' Scan all resort areas for his bio signature.
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' Oh, you have got it all messed up. Falling for some girl? We're supposed to get them to dig us. Not the other way around.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. There was something different about her. She's...right there. Later.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait up!
: '''Circe:''' Why are you following me?!
: '''Rex:''' Uh, I don't know exactly.
: '''Circe:''' Do you think I'm playing?!
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you are I'm down for another game. I thought maybe we could hang out. It is spring break, you know. Fun.
: '''Circe:''' I'm with my family. We're not really for fun.
: '''Rex:''' What! Who comes to the beach and doesn't have fun?
: (''Circe raises her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Don't you think that's a little messed up?
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' So?
: '''Circe:''' I'm Circe.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hold on! 
: '''Circe:''' Woooo!
: '''Rex:''' Definitely better than my suggestion.
: '''Circe:''' Hunting for seashells is fun.
: (''both laugh'')
: '''Beach Guy:''' You two skid-marts up for a race to the beach?
: '''Circe:''' Well, if you drive as badly as for play volleyball, we could probably walk there and win. You're on, meathead.
: (''guy drives off in anger)''
: '''Rex:''' So you were watching me play.
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' sure you wanna do this?
: '''Circe:''' Thrill me.
: '''Beach Guy:''' Hahahaha! Wooo!
: '''Circe:''' C'mom Rex, faster!
: ────────────────────
: '''Biowulf:''' Explain.
: '''Circe:''' Relax. I was covering. Every day when I'm at the end of that jet i when I could hanging out with the other kids, it's starting to look suspicious.
: '''Biowulf:''' You're not here for vacation, girl! You're here to prove yourself to Van Kleiss. And I'm starting to doubt you can.
: '''Circe:''' I told you. It's a done deal.
: (''The shadow of her tubular sonic mouth is seen'')
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' So what's on today's spring break agenda? Jet skiing, hiking?
: '''Bobo:''' Eating our weight in crab legs?
: '''Rex:''' I figured we'd just chill. Let's just see who...uhh I mean what shows up.
: ''(siren-like call)''
: '''Rex:''' Did you hear that?
: '''Noah:''' Sorry, enchiladas.
: '''Rex:''' No, that! You seriously didn't hear that?
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You really shouldn't be here right now.
: '''Rex:''' I heard something coming from over here.
: '''Circe:''' I'm serious, Rex. It's not safe.
: '''Rex:''' What you think some sort of roguewave is gonna knock off and- Oh.
: '''Circe:''' There you are. Get out of here, Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Circe!! What are you doing!?
: '''Circe:''' Me!? What are you doing!?
: '''Rex:''' Right now, my job. Okay! Don't freak out.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're an E.V.O.?
: '''Rex:''' You catch on fast.
: '''Circe:''' Takes one to know one. 
: (''Shows Rex her fleshly sonic mouth'')
: '''Rex:''' No way.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Cover your ears!
: '''Rex:''' What!?
: '''Circe:''' Your ears! Cover them!
: (''Projects her tubular, fleshy mouth and emits strong hypersonic bursts'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Did I hurt you?
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. It was awesome. You were the one making that sound.
: '''Circe:''' I'm glad you're OK, but I'm in serious trouble. I have to go deal with it.
: '''Rex:''' Why are in trouble? Is it because of that E.V.O.? Let me help you.
: '''Circe''': No. I have to do this by myself.
:(''Rex takes a hold of her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Meet me later.
: '''Circe:''' Rex... (''Looks away sadly'')
: '''Rex:''' I've never met anyone like you...like me. It'd be nice to talk to an E.V.O. who's not, you know, trying to kill me. Nine O'clock? 
: '''Circe:''' I'll try.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' I just wanted to have some fun, see if I could jog my memory, feel...normal.
:'''Six:''' Your &quot;normal&quot; is different, Rex.
:(''Rex hears Circe's irresistibly hypnotic melody'')
:'''Rex:''' It's her, Six. Just let me deal with this, OK? Alone.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're only here because you heard my [[w:siren |call]]. That's what I do. I'm like a big E.V.O. magnet.
: '''Rex:''' I came because I thought we had a connection. And what are you calling? Nothing's out there but big, ugly sea monsters.
: '''Circe:''' It's them! You have to go! Rex, please! I don't want them to see you with me!
: '''Rex:''' Who? Your parents?
: '''Circe:''' They're not my parents. They're...
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Van Kleiss' guys!? Your with ''them''!?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah. I'm with them. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Biowulf:''' We're running out patience with you, Circe! You have one last chance! Summon the E.V.O.! Finish the job!!
: '''Circe:''' Don't you think I've been trying? Every day for the last week? Sometimes these things take time.
: '''Rex:''' It is just me or do you use your powers to kill all the guys you meet? You're letting her go, now!
: '''Biowulf (laughs)''': So ''this'' is who you been wasting your time with. She's on her own free will, Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You have to leave me alone, Rex!! ''Please!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Six:''' Go after her. I mean it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Are you serious!?
: '''Circe:''' To the rest of the world I'm a freak! Not to them!
: '''Rex:''' You're not a freak to me! What about that?
: '''Circe:''' What about it!? Spring break is fun, but we can't live there, Rex. The real world...
: '''Rex:''' In the real world, I work for Providence. You could come with me. Could you cut out that noise for a second!?
: '''Circe:''' No, I can't! I'm running out of time! Most people on this planet what E.V.O.s gone, ''including'' Providence! With Van Kleiss, I have a purpose; a home. You don't what that means to me.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, I think I might.
: '''Circe:''' So what are going to do?
: '''Rex:''' How about fight that big, ugly sea monster again?
: '''Circe:''' Finally! It's what I came here to do.
: '''Rex:''' You've been calling that thing, haven't you?
: '''Circe:''' It's my initiation into the Pack. I was brought here to capture it.
: '''Rex:''' By yourself!? The two of us could barely take it on! There's a resort here; innocent people! Send it back!
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option, Rex. Van Kleiss was very specific.
: '''Rex:''' Then I'm helping you.
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option either!! 
: (''Blasts him with her hypersonic waves'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' If I do this myself, I'll have a life! If I don't, Van Kleiss won't be happy. And you've seen what he does when he's not happy.
: '''Rex:''' If I don't help you, he won't even get the chance!
: '''Circe:''' Give me some credit, Rex! I'm not as helpless as you think!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I don't care whose side your on, Circe. I don't want to see you die today. Can we at least agree on that?
: '''Circe:''' You have no idea what I'm in for, Rex. But you're right. I can't do this by myself.
: '''Rex:''' You're not as helpless as you think.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe''' (''relieved'')''':''' Rex, you stopped it.
: '''Rex:''' We make a good team, huh?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah, we sure do. 
: (''She and Rex lean in closer for a passionate kiss, but are interrupted by Biowulf'')
: '''Biowulf:''' This trial was for you alone. Van Kleiss will not be pleased.
: '''Rex:''' Forget them, Circe. Come with me. Providence could use you.
: '''Circe:''' That's just not my life, Rex. I'm sorry. I did have fun.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We had high hopes for your abilities, Circe. Failure leaves its mark on yet another pretty face.
: '''Circe:''' I'm not afraid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Of course not. You're a survivor, like all of us. I understand you made a friend during your trial. I'm pleased. Rex is very important to me, Circe, which makes you very important to me as well. Welcome to the Pack.
: (''Circe looks slightly worried, which clearly indicates that she does have real feelings for Rex'')

===Lockdown===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, stop!!
:'''Rex:''' Give me one good reason!
:'''Holiday:''' Because, Rex...that's my sister.
:'''Rex:''' Can I...help?
:'''Holiday:''' She's an incurable.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' Restrain it. Carefully.
:'''Holiday:''' Thank you.

===The Architect===
:'''Six''': Still no sign of the kid?
:'''Holiday''': Not since we lost his biometric readings five days ago.
:'''Six''': Was Noah any help?
:'''Holiday''': Says he doesn't know where he is either. What is it going to take for Providence to realize that he needs a home, not just a room and a job? We've been pushing him away.
:'''Rex''': I build machines and cure EVOs-- the only one in the world who can. Just one cure for that kind of pressure-- road trip. But that doesn't mean &quot;vacation&quot;.
:'''Build worker''': Whoa!
:'''Maxwell''': What in the world is that?!
:'''Build worker:''' Oh, no!
:''[Both screaming]''
:'''Jacob''': Get away from that cable! Unh!
:''[Kate gasps]''
:'''Maxwell''': Hey!
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Kate''': Jacob!
:'''Rex''': Nope. A hero's work is never done. You okay?
:'''Jacob''': What... are you?
:'''Rex''': Here to help.
:'''Jacob''': We've got to get that cable back underground. We've been compromised.
:'''Kate''': But, Jacob, the EVOs--
:'''Jacob''': We don't have a choice. Everything we've worked for That boy is here for a reason.
:'''Rex''': Hey! Pay attention!
:'''Providence Agent''':  We have a hit in sector 15.
:'''Six''': Anyone in the area?
:'''Providence Agent''': I show one patrol in the vicinity. Signaling to intercept. Roger that. We're on our way.
:'''Rex''': Agh! You want a ride? Vamanos!
:'''Jacob''': You can control your nanites?
:'''Rex''': People usually start with &quot;thanks,&quot; but yeah.
:'''Jacob''': You see? This is exactly what the Architect can help us achieve... harmony with the nanites. This boy... sorry... young man Is a miracle.
:'''Rex''': I'm not a miracle. I'm just Rex.
:'''Jacob''': Well, Rex, you're a blessing to us for what you did here and for showing us that all our work isn't in vain.
:'''Rex''': Like imaginary work?
:'''Jacob''': Follow us.
:'''Providence Agent''': Confirming coordinates. We've lost the EVO signal. Did you take it out? Negative. There's nothing here. Must be another anomalous reading. You can return to post.
:'''Rex''': This is awesome! A hidden village. And nobody knows you're out here? Not even Providence?
:'''Jacob''': Especially not Providence.
:'''Rex''': Really? really. Pshh! Looks like you get pretty good cellphone reception.
:'''Jacob''': That tower is gonna change the world, Rex. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I have one for You. Are you hungry?
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': My dad said you fought all those EVOs all by yourself. Were you scared? Didn't your dad tell you to stay away from EVOs?
:'''Kate''': Caleb, let him eat. We don't get many visitors.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! What is this?
:'''Caleb''': Didn't your mom ever make you meatloaf and mashed potatoes?
:'''Rex''': I don't -- I don't know.
:'''Kate''': It took me a month and a half to program in the perfect lump-to-mash ratio of the potatoes-- 7.2%!
:'''Jacob''': We ate potatoes until they were coming out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I don't see any potatoes in there.
:'''Caleb''': They didn't really come out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I could eat these every day.
:'''Rex''': Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': We have them every friday.
:'''Rex''': Then I might just have to stick around until next friday.
:'''Kate''': Help yourself to seconds.
:'''Jacob''': Or thirds.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Bobo''': Hmm?
:'''Six''': You might think you're doing Rex a favor by covering for him.
:'''Bobo''': Get lost. I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Six''': Rex is angry with us. He has every right to be. But that means nothing to White Knight. And he doesn't have the patience we do.
:'''Bobo''': Nice try. White won't lay a finger on him. He's too important.
:'''Six''': You, however, are somewhat expendable.
:'''Bobo''': All right, all right. You made your point.
:'''Rex''': I've never seen tech like this... not even at Providence.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect has some pretty big ideas. We just make them happen. He'd be very interested to meet you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': So what exactly are You doing way out here?
:'''Jacob''': Engineers like us weren't very popular after the nanite event. When we met the Architect, he offered us the opportunity to make up for that... to do amazing things. Someday, we'll be able to share This with the world. And then there's this. The Architect has actually discovered a way to communicate with the nanites.
:'''Rex''': Are you serious?
:'''Jacob''': The possibilities... We could finally live in harmony... maybe even have them help us.
:'''Rex''': Then why hide it? The rest of the world would want to know about this stuff.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect is something of a perfectionist. Says the world will know as soon as it comes online.
:'''Maxwell''': Stinkin' module!
:'''Jacob''': Is there a problem, Maxwell?
:'''Maxwell''': No matter what I try, I just can't get the interlock servo to engage.
:'''Rex''': There.
:'''Jacob''': That could have taken us weeks to figure out, and you did it in seconds.
:'''Rex''': Eh, no biggie.
:'''Jacob''': You really are amazing, Rex. We're so happy to have you with us.
:'''The Architect''': Jacob.
:'''Jacob''': I was just talking to Rex about you. The Architect.
:'''Rex''': How's it going?
:'''The Architect''': The power-linkage team is falling behind. We cannot keep having these delays.
:'''Jacob''': I'll check in with them.
:'''Rex''': Wow. Friendly.
:'''Jacob''': I like to think he's smiling on the inside.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. I know a guy like that.
:'''The Architect''': The visitor could be a problem. Do you wish to have him removed?
:'''Zag-RS''': His abilities could advance our progress considerably. And in a matter of days all humans will be gone, including this one: Rex.
:'''Six''': I'm at the location the monkey gave me.
:'''Holiday''': Well? Is Rex there?
:'''Six''': Apparently not. Tell the monkey I want to see him when I get back. Six out.
:'''Rex''': That should do it.
:'''Maxwell''': Hey, Rex, can you look at this?
:'''Rex''': Sure. Let me guess... they all need my help, too.
:'''Jacob''': You're quite the popular guy.
:'''Rex''': Amazing what a little gratitude will get you. At Providence, they'd just be yelling at me. I mean, I never felt like I really belonged there. Here, it's way different.
:'''Jacob''': I know the feeling. The Architect has made all this possible for us. We have a community... a family... thanks to him. The work we do is in part to pay that back.
:'''The Architect''': Primary systems are now complete.
:'''Zag-RS''': Prepare to take us online.
:'''Bobo''': Have a nice trip? Let's get one thing straight, pal. I would never rat out my... Ooh. He's going west.
:'''White Knight''': Why is Rex doing this? Doesn't he have a sense of duty?
:'''Holiday''': Actually, if you look, he's still doing his job. Here's every false alarm since Rex left... not false alarms, But Rex taking care of EVOs along the way.
:'''White Knight''': Why?
:'''Holiday''': I don't know. To prove he doesn't need us?
:'''Six''': Get the coordinates of the last false alarm and transmit them to my jump jet.
:'''Holiday''': Six, if we force him to come back, he'll just run away again. He has to want to be here. It needs to be his decision.
:'''Jacob''': It's all coming together, Thanks to you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': It's really cool to use my powers to actually build something, instead of just pounding EVOs. Oh, check it out. Even the boss is pitching in.
:'''Both''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': And that's getting strange looks because--
:'''Jacob''': Because in all these years, we've never seen him lift a finger.
:'''Rex''': Taking some initiative... I like that. So, this whole &quot;talking to nanites&quot; thing... how does that work, exactly? I mean, what are you gonna say to them?
:'''The Architect''': It doesn't concern you.
:'''Rex''': Uh, considering I'm filled with them, it kind of does. How do we know it's not gonna make things even worse?
:'''The Architect''': I do not answer to you, child!
:'''Jacob''': Rex? Forgive him. He's still not used to the way things work around here.
:'''The Architect''': Complete your duties!
:'''Rex''': Why do you let him walk all over you like that? Don't you want answers?
:'''Jacob''': What we want is a home. Without him, we have nothing... Nothing. We can't just run away from our problems, Rex. Most people can't. Look, this isn't perfect but it's all we've got. Rex, where are you going?
:'''Rex''': He never answered my question.
:'''Jacob''': That place is off-limits. The Architect has made it very clear to us that we can never go in there. We get this life for that promise. Rex, don't do it!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, please!
:'''Rex''': I'm sorry, jacob. I have to know.
:'''The Architect''': Rex. The core is off-limits. You would be we to leave at once.
:'''Rex''': Not until I get some answers. What is that?
:'''The Architect''': No more questions.
:'''Rex''': So, it's gonna be like that? Okay, I'll play. Unh! What are you hiding, huh? What does this do? Yah! Yah! Huh? You're a machine? Have you seen what I can do to machines? Agh!
:'''Zag-RS''': As you can see, the current range of my signal is rather limited.
:'''Rex''': You're the computer.
:'''Zag-RS''': My human designation is &quot;Zag-RS&quot;. The device you refer to as &quot;The Architect&quot; is my autonomous counterpart.
:'''Rex''': What did you just do to me?
:'''Zag-RS''': I instructed your nanites to protect me.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Instructed&quot;? So you really can talk to them.
:'''Zag-RS''': Insidious devices, the nanites. My own potential for greatness has been compromised because of them. They must be eliminated. When the transmitter is integrated into the broadcast array you helped us complete, they will blow themselves up.
:'''Rex''': That's what this is for. It's like a big remote control. Every living thing on the planet has nanites in them. It'd kill everything!
:'''Zag-RS''': That is of no importance to me... only ensuring my continued survival.
:'''Rex''': Well, what about ours? This is all coming down!
:'''Zag-RS''': I'm afraid you're too late.
:'''Rex''': Aah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, what have you done?
:'''Rex''': You don't understand! The Architect... it's a robot... And a big honkin' computer &quot;brain&quot; is pulling his strings.
:'''Jacob''': This can't be!
:'''Rex''': Jacob, you've got to believe me. Just go inside and look. What's left of it is on the floor.
:'''Jacob''': I can't go in there. And I don't have to.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're making a big mistake!
:'''Maxwell''': You entered his sanctum! This is unforgivable!
:'''Rex''': I'm trying to tell you... this isn't what it seems. What you're protecting is a robot, and that thing we've been building is a transmitter. It's gonna send out a kill code to blow up every single nanite on Earth.
:'''Maxwell''': He's lying!
:'''Jacob''': What would be the point in that, Rex? Every living thing is infected with nanites. It would be catastrophic.
:'''Rex''': Right in the middle of that pyramid is a computer, and it doesn't care about you or Kate or Caleb. The better future that you've all been working towards... That's the lie. Think about it. Isn't it strange that you've never been inside that place, that The Architect has never given you a straight answer about anything?
:'''Jacob''': All this work it just doesn't make any sense.
:'''Rex''': You have two choices... Go in there and prove me wrong or kick me out right now. I'll have Providence here in minutes.
:'''Maxwell''': He's bluffing.
:'''Rex''': To save every living thing on earth? Try me.
:'''Maxwell''': Jacob, you can't! What about our promise? Where will we go?
:'''Jacob''': All this time, we've been living in fear, Max. It's time for that to end.
:'''The Architect''': You needn't bother. Construction is complete. Your services are no longer required.
:'''Rex''': Now do you believe me?
:'''The Architect''': Zag-RS thanks you for your hard work. In gratitude, my master has delayed transmission to allow you to say farewell.
:'''Jacob''': Farewell, huh? I'll start with you. Can you shut that thing down?
:'''Rex''': I don't know. Even without the antenna, it can mess with my nanites. I can't get too close to the computer.
:'''Jacob''': Maybe I can. Let's go!
:'''Rex''': The brain is right over there.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Jacob''': It's still arging. The A.I. must have retreated behind a firewall. Rex, I have to go cut the power.
:'''Holiday''': Six, are you at The location?
:'''Six''': Just arrived.
:'''Holiday''': I'm picking up a massive power surge in your area.
:'''Six''': I'm not seeing anything.
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Six''': Six to holiday. Correction... I'm seeing something.
:'''Jacob''': It's still on. Must have charged the capacitors. Figure out a way to short it out... fast!
:'''Rex''': Unhhh!
:'''Jacob''': You need to find the primary transmitter module. That will kill the broadcast.
:'''Rex''': I have no idea what that is.
:'''Jacob''': Max, we need to locate the primary module.
:'''Maxwell''': Panel 5, just off the relay bus.
:'''Jacob''': Top of the tower. You can't miss it.
:'''Rex''': Agh! Unh! Why do you have to kill everyone? Can't you just leave us alone?
:'''Zag-RS''': Alone is exactly what I want, Rex.
:'''Rex''': That kind of alone it stinks.
:'''Zag-RS''': N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.
:'''Jacob''': It's gone. Must have uploaded to another location. But without anyone to do it's bidding, it's just a program.
:'''Rex''': What will you do now?
:'''Jacob''': We'll rebuild. The Architect may have been a lie, but what we believe in is true. We don't need him to have a community or a better future. You're welcome to stay. We sure could use someone with your abilities.
:'''White Knight''': Well?
:'''Six''': He's not here. Bobo's been worried sick.
:'''Rex''': rex: Oh, really?
:'''Six''': Ratted you out for a pizza.
:'''Rex''': Huh. Figures. What about you? Here to drag me back to Providence?
:'''Six''': Not this time. Seems like a nice place.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. It is. But it's not home. If I'm going back, there are gonna have to be some changes. First, no more curfew.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Second, I want to decide On my missions.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Okay, but there's one change that absolutely has to be made, or I'm through. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Mmm! Mmm! Isn't this great?
:'''Bobo''': Mmm.
:'''Six''': It's a little dry.
:'''Rex''': Mmm. Mm the lump mash ratio is a bit off.
:'''Bobo''': You know what? Maybe I'll run away, too... Go somewhere where my cooking is appreciated!
:'''Six''': We have to do this every friday?
:'''Rex''': Mmm.

===Frostbite===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I'm picking up a problem. You need to return to base immediately.
:'''Rex''': I miss you, too, doc. But I'm kinda busy dealing with a problem of my own. Whoa! Whoa! Aah! Okay. Ow. Big mistake, tweety. Can that bird brain of yours comprende I'm trying to help you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, your own nanite count is off the charts. If you take on any more nanites, We're looking at an overload.
:'''Rex''': Come on, doc. It's just a big birdie.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': You're already over capacity. This is critical! Rex!
:'''Six''': Rex, you need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at headquarters now.
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a supersize pigeon flying loose all over lower Manhattan? You need me, and I can handle it.
:'''Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': Unless I make it my call.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': (as everyone is fighting) Stop! Need I point out that this isn't the best place for a fight. Anything happens to that storage tank and you'll know why providence made this place so remote. Now let's just talk this out calmly, rationally.
:'''Biowulf''': Whatever happens here, Weaver. It's nothing compared to what Van Kleiss would have done to you.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck. (Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': Rex. You need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Agent Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at Headquarters. Now!
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a super-sized pigeon flying loose over lower Manhattan. You need me and I handle it.
:'''Agent Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': (as he's flying over the Pack in an Arctic storm) Like you're really going to find me when you can't see 2 feet in front of your face... Huh? (Flies into some of Skalamander's shards and crashes) Guess that visibility thing works both ways.
:'''Rex''': (To Weaver) So, thanks to you, all this time I've been supplying nanites to Van Kleiss!
:'''Rex''': Can't you believe you let these scags get the drop on you.
:'''Agent Six''': They tried. It didn't turn out so well. Just haven't found a way to fight xenoflourine gas... yet.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck.(Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': You can't possibly absorb all those nanites! You'd overload in an instant.
:'''Rex''': In case you haven't noticed, I have this problem with authority.
:'''Rex''': (as Rex is absorbing nanites) Six wait! I can hear them!
:'''Doctor Holiday''': (Watching from the ship) What are you waiting for, Six? Take the shot!
:'''Rex''': (Speaking mechanically) Build protocol enabled. Command error detected. Abort. Abort. Stand by engaged. (Rex falls. His voice reverts to normal) Take the shot.
:'''Agent Six''': He told me he could hear them.
:'''Doctor Holiday''': I picked this up during the offload... It's Nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Agent Six''': Seems there are more secrets inside that kid than we realized.
:'''Skalamander:''' What's the kid doing here?
:'''Biowulf:''' I don't know. This was supposed to be routine. Something's not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends!?
:'''Salamander:''' He thinks we've done something.
:'''Biowulf:''' Then let him keep thinking.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' You know, the nanites in me can counteract knockout gas! The playing-possum thing's a pretty good trick. Now tell me where my friends are or I start squeezing!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' He told me he could hear them.
:'''Holiday:''' I pulled this off during the offload. It's nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Six:''' Seems like there are more secrets inside that kid than we thought.

===Leader of the Pack===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' There couldn't possibly be enough E.V.O. activity to account for these nanite readings. They're off the scale. Looking for Van Kleiss?
: '''Rex:''' Circe. I thought I saw her in the blimp.
: '''Holiday:''' That's the girl you met in Cabo Luna.
: '''Rex:''' She may be with the Pack now, but I think I can still get her to talk to me. You know I can be pretty convincing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Holiday, there! Now let's take this outside!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It's quite all right. The determination of youth. I'm sure Circe will be disappointed she couldn't see you, Rex. She's attending to other duties this evening. Now if you will excuse me. 
: '''Rex:''' Why are you really here!?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The people of Abysus have a great way to offer the world. I'm just in part to make that known. 
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe 'cause I couldn't come to you, so now you're coming to me!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I admit you are important to me, Rex, but it's not always about you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe? Interesting look. Want to tell me what's going on?
: '''Circe:''' Not today. 
:(''Knocks him out cold with a metal slate. She later looks outside Rex's prison cell and leaves, with a slightly guilty, dejected expression'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Well, thanks for nearly bashing my brains in back there! And what's with the &quot;knocking me out&quot; thing?
: '''Circe:''' We just needed to keep you out of the way until all of this was over.
: '''Rex:''' ''This!?'' He could destroy the whole city!
: '''Circe:''' He's trying to negotiate peace from a position of strength.
: '''Rex''' (sarcastically)''':''' Oh, yeah! All this nanite power is just screaming peace.
: '''Circe:''' His methods may be aggressive. But he's here to save us...and you. Come on, Rex, jump in with us. The water's fine.
: '''Rex:''' I'll think about it ''after'' I've stopped Van Kleiss.
: '''Circe:''' It's too late for that now, Rex. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We will not be ignored! ''Circe'' understands this. Why don't you respect her judgement?
:'''Rex:''' You think you can lure me in with her.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Like a fish to water.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I won!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It seems you have. Your parents would have been so proud. I never had the chance to tell you about them, have I? Perhaps another time.

===Breach===
: '''Rex:''' This is...different.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What is Van Kliess up to, Breach! Where did he have you send Rex?
: '''Breach:''' Van Kleiss isn't always in charge of me. Sometimes I do what I want; like now.
===Of Love and War===
===No Strings Attached===
===Desperate Measures===
===The E.V.O. Agenda===

===Dark Passage===
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Any man who runs from his past will surely forfeit his future. The time has come to see what you created.
:''[Bussiness Man choking]''
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' And this is only the beginning.
:'''Rex:''' Hey! What's the rush?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Easy now!
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Did I say you could leave?
:'''Six:''' Rex, deactivate his nanites before he--
:'''Rex:''' I'm all over that.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex gasping]''
:'''Bussiness Man:''' Please, don't let him hurt me again.
:'''Rex:''' Hey, don't look at me. I barely touched the guy.
:'''Six:''' Calm down. We're here to help you.
:'''Bussiness Man:''' He said it was just the beginning. You have to stop him!
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy. Somebody's a few tacos short of a fiesta platter.
:'''Business Man:''' H-he is a madman. A madman!
:'''Rex:''' Come back!
:'''White Knight:''' Our most recent EVO incident was not an isolated event. Similar outbreaks have been reported over the past twenty-four hours-- All linked to these mysterious &quot;gifts&quot; sent to each of the victims.
:'''Rex:''' Talk about your sucky presents, like socks for Christmas.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The mechanism delivers a substance that activates latent nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but that dude changed back before I could shut him down. How'd that happen?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' From what I can tell, the victims were only exposed to a low dose designed to wear off quickly.
:'''Six:''' There has to be a motive. Was our victim able to tell you anything?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' No. Complete mental collapse. He's too far gone. But we recovered a partial fingerprint from the device.
:'''White Knight:''' It belongs to evolutionary biologist Dr. Gabriel Rylander. He was a leading expert in nanotechnology.
:'''Six:''' &quot;Was&quot;?
:'''White Knight:''' No one's seen or heard from him since the original nanite event.
:'''Rex:''' Hold up. Are you saying this guy was there?
:'''White Knight:''' We have no evidence of that. But following the event, Rylander vanished-- Along with his wife and young son.
:'''Rex:''' Son?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Analysis of the nanite agent turned up trace elements of a rare plant found only in South America.
:'''White Knight:''' Thermal imaging has located what appears to be a fortified compound, and that's exactly where intelligence reports Van Kleiss is heading, which means you will be, too. We expect the target to be heavily defended. Six, your team will handle the initial covert assault to recover the nanite agent and Dr. Rylander. If Van Kleiss really is after the same target, you better hope you get there first.
:'''Jungle Cat:''' The path is clear, Van Kleiss. I'll continue ahead.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Our newest member of the pack seems to be working out well, wouldn't you agree?
:''[Biowulf scoffs]''
:'''Biowulf:''' You should have stayed in Abysus, master. Even with this suit and soil from home, your powers are weak.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' This is no ordinary errand, Biowulf. An old friend has just announced his return. Dr. Rylander's calling card to the Consortium offers an interesting prospect-- A limitless supply of active nanites. All that power-- Anytime-- Anywhere.
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Bobo:''' Got any idea where they keep the bug spray on this rust bucket? ''[swatting flies]'' Ah, stupid stinkin' nature!
:'''Rex:''' You're a monkey. It's the jungle.
:'''Bobo:''' Lemme tell ya somethin', chief. The jungle's a cruel mistress. One day, you're at the top of banana pile. Next day, you're a pile of peels rottin' in the sun. She'll chew ya up and spit ya out. Never forget that! Never forget!
:'''Rex:''' O-kay, then. Good to know.
:'''Six:''' I understand your point, doctor, but the fact remains we've got no idea what Rylander's agenda is.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His motives don't make his research any less valuable. If I can get my hands on that nanite agent, I might be able to reverse-engineer a permanent cure. Think about what that could mean to the world, for the EVOs Rex can't cure... Like my sister.
:'''Six:''' See anything interesting?
:'''Bobo:''' ''[in distance]'' Never forget!
:'''Rex:''' Don't ask.
:'''Six:''' Listen, Rex, this mission-- I need to make sure your head is in the game.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Six:''' Answers about your  past and whether or not this Rylander has them.
:'''Rex:''' ''[scoffs]'' Whatever. You know, if he does, he does. If he doesn't, no big deal. I can handle it.
:'''Six:''' It's just that... Sometimes knowing the truth can be worse than not knowing at all.
:'''Rex:''' What's down there?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' No idea.
:'''Bobo:''' Whatever it is, it's got company! Show-off.
:'''Rex:''' Sushi-boat special coming up!
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Six:''' Holiday, get us out of here-- Now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's a dead end.
:'''Six:''' Full throttle. Head for the shoreline. Rex! Jump!
:'''Rex:''' Amazon river-- Never a dull moment.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rylander's welcoming committee, no doubt. Gentlemen, if you will.
:''[Skalamander and Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It's fortunate there are other ways to sustain me.
:'''Six:''' Guardian drone. We must be getting close.
:'''Rex:''' Impressive observation, there, Six.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Previous electromagnetic imaging puts the compound in this general region, but something's jamming the frequency now. I can't get an exact location.
:'''Rex:''' That way. Oh, yeah. I'm just that good.
:'''Bobo:''' When you find me an ice-cold drink in this miserable armpit, I'll eat your ticks.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Preparing to cut through some vines]'' I got this. You protect Holiday.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday cuts through the vines]'' Worry about yourselves! Howler monkeys. They're going to give away our location.
:'''Rex:''' Bobo! Do something!
:'''Bobo:''' Like I speak howler monkey? Oh, boy.
:'''Six:''' Run!
:'''Rex:''' I'll try and shut it down.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you okay?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Hey... You know me. A day without getting blown up is like a day without sunshine.
:'''Six:''' You've been quiet.
:'''Rex:''' All right, I've been thinking about it, okay? This Dr. Rylander may finally be proof I'm not alone in this world.
:'''Six:''' And if it's not? I just don't want you to be disappointed. Six to White.
:'''White Knight:''' What's your status? Have you found the location?
:'''Six:''' Affirmative. But it seems we've been beaten to the punch.
:'''White Knight:''' Understood. Captain Calan... You have a go.
:'''Biwoulf:''' It should be here.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Your eyes deceive you, Biowulf.
:'''Rex:''' Should have been aiming at you.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ahh. Providence at last. Traveling light, I see.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, we're just here to find the place. They're here to secure it.
:'''Six:''' Is it here?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Destroy them!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The compound's surrounded by a force field.
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't secure that base, we will take it out.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't lose that formula.
:'''Six:''' Rex, get in there. We'll hold off the pack.
:'''Rex:''' Please don't blow me up.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, you are in no condition for battle. Seek cover.
:'''Rex:''' Punks.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[From behind Rex with a gun]'' Don't move, or I'll drop you. Rex? Is-- Is that you?
:''[Dr. Rylander hugs Rex]''
:'''Rex:''' You... Know my name.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[Laughing]'' Of course I do! I gave it to you! I can't believe you're alive. What a stroke of luck.
:'''Rex:''' Dad?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You've lost your memory, haven't you? Not surprising, considering what you've been through. Oh. Yes. Well, sorry to disappoint you, Rex. I'm afraid I'm not who you want me to be.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. Okay. So, if you're not my dad, do you know where he is? Ah, well, &quot;Rex Rylander&quot; is a goofy name, anyway.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Come quickly. We don't have much time. I was so close to completing the code. There's been a problem with the molecular penetration, resulting in a sequencing gap.
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander, I've got to know.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You must understand-- It was never about power or greed. It was about changing the world-- Saving mankind by putting and end to disease and starvation. And we would have succeeded... Until they got involved.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' The nanites were incomplete. The incident spread them across the globe before we could finish their final programming. Except for you. Yours were from a different batch-- The first, actually. All those... Innocent victims.
:'''Rex:''' If you feel so bad about it, why have you been attacking more people?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Hm. The chosen few. Those men and women, Rex, are far from innocent. While they hide in their office towers and gated estates, I've been here trying to set things right, to find a cure for what we created. I begged them for more funding.
:'''Rex:''' Wait! Everyone you attacked was... They all worked on the Nanite Project?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' They commissioned it. I merely wished to send them a warning to show them what would happen if they refused to help finish the good work we started. And it was good, Rex. You're living proof that we were doing the right thing.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Indignant]'' By turning me into an EVO?!
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You had an accident. The nanites were your only hope. It was a tremendous gamble. The... Unexpected side effects came later. It was a surprise to all of us.
:''[Dr. Rylander chuckles]''
:''Dr. Rylander:''' The look on your brother's face.
:'''Rex:''' Brother?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' When the event occurred, it was yo powers that saved you both. Most of the others-- They weren't so lucky.
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' I'm not alone.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Oh, here. I have something for you.
:''[Injects the mighty and all-powerful Omega Nanite into his system]''
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa!
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' The force-field must be failing.
:'''Rex:''' Forget the force-field! What did you just inject me with?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[[w:Omnipotence |Everything]]''.
:'''Rex:''' Enough, okay?! Do you have any idea what it's been like-- Not knowing who I am, if my family's dead or alive?! Quit with the rambling mad-scientist act and give me some answers!
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Forgive me, Rex. I've been so consumed with my own guilt, I didn't consider what you must be going through. The truth is--
:''[Dr. Rylander gasps]''
:''[Van Kleiss stabs Rylander from behind]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Truth, doctor? You wouldn't know the first thing about it. Nor loyalty, for that matter. How many times must I tell you this, Rex? The answers you so desperately seek lie with me. And as for you, doctor, consider our past disagreement settled. I look forward to continuing our research... Alone. This was unavoidable, Rex. The longer you resist me, the more people get hurt.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss grunting]''
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rylander has always been on borrowed time. All of this belongs to me now. Destroy me, and you lose everything.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex groaning]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Six:''' Rex. Where's Rylander?
:'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Six:''' The reactor is shot. This entire place is about to blow.
:'''Bobo:''' Don't have to tell me twice.
:'''Biowulf:''' Why do they run?
:'''Skalamander:''' Where is Van Kleiss?
:'''Six:''' No, I didn't see what happened. But according to Rex, Van Kleiss has been eliminated. Rylander's experiment is a total loss.
:'''Holiday:''' All of this for nothing. I'm sorry, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' It wasn't for nothing, doc. I've got a brother.... Out there... Somewhere. I'm not alone anymore. Finally, I've started to get some real answers. I feel closer to the truth than ever.

===The Forgotten===
:'''Six:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' It's like I'm hearing through my nanites.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' You are not the Before.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not sure that was a complete sentence back then.
:'''No-Face:''' ''They'' are the Before! The Before forgot us. The Before left us in pain.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Operation: Wingman===
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Do you have a girlfriend?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;It's complicated. She's in league with an evil dictator who wants me dead.&quot;
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Yeah. My dad's always worried about me dating, too.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Rabble===
:'''Quarry''': Come on, Rex. (''holds up Rex's journal'') We both know this is what you really want. So go ahead take it. Walk away. Show them who you really are. You were always very good a taking care of yourself. Why should now be any different?
:'''Rex''': (''Cuts his journal in two'') Whoever I was back then, is not who I am now. Not anymore.
:'''Quarry''': Your choice.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''': It's over, Quarry! You lose!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Sqywwd:''' I hope you don't expect us to thank you.
: '''Rex:''' No. Providence won't bother you unless you do something stupid.
: '''Cricket:''' We'll be fine. Thank you, Rex. 
:(''Kisses him on the check'')
: '''Tuck:''' Don't forget about us, Okay?
: '''Rex:''' That may be a promise I can't keep. (''Flies off on his Boogie Pack'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' It's going to happen again, isn't it? I'm going to blank out. How long do I have?
: '''Holiday:''' I don't know, Rex. It's likely triggered by a specific event; something traumatic.

===The Hunter===
:'''Man:''' It's-- It's Providence! Some kind of EVO attack!
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Oh. Huh. Good times. Bugs. I hate it when they dig.
:'''Six:''' We need to take it down fast before it causes any more damage.
:'''Rex:''' All right. Meet &quot;Exterm&quot; and &quot;Nator&quot;! Uh-- Yeah, I'm working on it. Ew! EVO breath.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Unh! Aah! Come on! That's my favorite hand!
:''[Innocent Woman gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Yeah! Down, boy! You're okay. This will all be over soon. Hyah!
:'''Six:''' I got the pincers. Now flip the switch on its nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, don't exactly have the best luck with non-humans, remember?
:'''Six:''' Afraid to try?
:''[Rex sighs]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Six! It's working!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Enough!
:'''Rex:''' Unh! What's your damage, man? I was this close to curing that thing.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Didn't look that way to me. Filthy EVO.
:'''Rex:''' Filthy EVO?
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Give me a reason. Just one.
:'''Six:''' Lower your weapon.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' I know my rights. The law says we can defend ourselves against EVO scum.
:'''Rex:''' In case you didn't notice, that's exactly what we were doing. It's our job.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Really? Look around. These are our homes. What's left of them. Your job is making our lives worse.
:''[The crowd cheers]''
:'''Hunter Cain:''' These people have had enough.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? We're here to help!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Do these people look like they want your kind of help? People know what's going on. Providence claims they're here to cure the world. But now they got one of those sickos working for them?! It makes you wonder whose side they're really on.
:'''Six:''' Come on, Rex. Let it go.
:'''Rex:''' Who does that guy think he is? I'm out there risking my neck every day. People love me.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[as Holiday is treating Rex]'' Some people just have too much hate in them to see things any other way. Hold still.
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Bobo:''' Don't sweat it, kid. Humans are idiots. End of story.
:'''Rex:''' Not all of them. But anyone who would believe what that guy has to say? Makes you wonder.
:'''Six:''' His name is Hunter Cain. Lost his wife a few months ago when she turned. Local authorities say this isn't the first EVO he's attacked.
:'''White Knight:''' Another hometown hero. Is he going to be a problem?
:'''Six:''' Usually, I'd say no. This time, I'm not so sure.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' Tonight on &quot;Ultimate Exposure&quot;, the rise of Hunter Cain. ''[on television]'' Since his arrival on the scene just over a month ago, the Hunter has captured public's attention. Such common man aid such as Providence. He inspired men to following, including the making of his own personal army.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' We're dealing with an epidemic here, and we're the cure. When something is making you  sick, you cut it out.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' And what of Providence's secret weapon? No longer so secret?
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' How can we protect our children from this disease when the very thing we're fighting against is walking free among us?
:'''Diane Farrah:''' But you know you can't catch EVO, like a cold.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Says who? Providence scientists? You're gonna trust them? We need to protect ourselves from this Rex and every other sicko like him. ''[on television]'' People should be able to draw their own conclusions.
:''[Rex grumbles]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[to the television while fighting an EVO]'' Arrgh! Here's my conclusion-- You're a lying whack job!
:'''Bobo:''' You know he can't hear you, right? Now can we finish this?
:'''Rex:''' See there? Nothing to worry about. Your old pal Rex making the streets safe. Uh, curing EVOs? Saving cute puppies?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Noah:''' Somebody's off the game.
:'''Rex:''' I'm just warming up.
:'''Noah:''' We've been playing for an hour. I saw the news. Hunter Cain really has it out for you.
:'''Rex:''' Forget him, Noah. I mean, this guy's a joke. Do you really think people believe what he's saying? Do you?
:'''Noah:''' It's complicated, Rex. People are afraid. They'll believe anything if it sounds like it will keep them safe. I know you're cool, but everyone else--
:'''Rex:''' They'll just have to be won over by my charm and personality.
:'''Boy:''' Yo, look-- It's him, the EVO from TV.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, what's up? Wanna play?
:'''Boy:''' Then catch your freak disease? Puh!
:'''Rex:''' So, that would be a no.
:'''Boy:''' Why don't you get lost? We don't want you and your EVO germs around here.
:'''Innocent Girl:''' Yeah!
:'''Noah:''' We don't want any trouble.
:'''Boy:''' Stay out of this, EVO-lover! You're the trouble, am I right?
:'''Innocent Girl:''' Yeah!
:'''Rex:''' Unh! Oh, now we're throwing rocks?
:'''Noah:''' You better go.
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm not gonna let a few jerks push me around.
:'''Noah:''' Rex, it's more than a few.
:'''Rex:''' Unh! Okay. Back off. I said, back off!
:'''Boy:''' Unh!
:'''Rex:''' Aah! That was an accident! I wasn't trying to hurt him. Come on, it's not like that. I'm not-- Unh!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' You want EVO?! That's what you want?! Try to run me over with your big, dumb buss!
:''[Rex breathing heavily]''
:'''Noah:''' Rex, you really have to get out of here.
:'''Rex:''' I didn't mean-- I-I have to explain.
:'''Noah:''' It's way too late for that. Go! Go now! Go!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' This is exactly what I was warning about. Providence insists on sheltering this dangerous EVO, letting it endanger our families with its nanites. Is that helping us? Not a chance.
:'''Boy:''' Yeah. It tried to infect me. It's a miracle I'm still alive.
:'''Instigator:''' I saw what it could do. We're lucky to have a good man like Hunter Cain protecting us.
:'''Innocent Woman:''' I thought Rex was helping, but is it really safe having him around?
:'''White Knight:''' This is a officially completely out of control!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex was only defending himself. Hunter Cain is whipping the public into a frenzy.
:'''Bobo:''' Why am I not surprised? Humans are sheep. I should shave him and make a coat.
:'''White Knight:''' We should have dealt with this sooner. Can't someone put a lid on this guy?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We have truth on our side. Once we discredit him, this is over.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, two slices of apple.
:'''Noah:''' Let's just go, okay? You said we were going for pie.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah. Pie at his favorite restaurant. I just want to talk.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' I've got nothing to say to you.
:'''Rex:''' Then just listen. You hate EVOs. I get it. A lot of them are really bad news. But I'm not. People need to know the truth. I don't wanna hurt anyone.
:''[Hunter Cain smirks sarcastically]''
:''[Hunter Cain scoffs]''
:'''Rex:''' What have I ever done to you?
:'''Hunter Cain:''' You're infected.
:'''Rex:''' We're all infected, every one of us. Even you.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Providence lies.
:'''Rex:''' That's just-- Argh! You are a moron!
:'''Noah:''' Rex--
:'''Hunter Cain:''' What are you? The world's big hope? I don't need an EVO to save me. And they don't, either. We don't need you. We don't need Providence.
:'''Instigator:''' We gotta go after him?
:'''Hunter Cain:''' No. His day is coming.
:'''Rex:''' They don't want my help? Fine! No more flying to the rescue. No more turning giant blobs back into mailmen.
:'''Bobo:''' Works for me.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But the people who really do need you, they're the ones who'll really suffer.
:'''Bobo:''' Ah. Details.
:'''Rex:''' They don't think I'm any different than those things down in the Petting Zoo, why should I care?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Because someone has to. Most people have given up hope, Rex. Since you came here, that's changing. Don't let one man's anger get in the way.
:'''Rex:''' That's the problem, doc. It isn't just one man. I walk down the street and everyone looks at me like I'm gonna turn them into some monster. Forget it! I'm through.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[Sighs]'' Well, if you want my opinion--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I don't.
:'''White Knight:''' Full-scale alert! I want strike teams geared  up and ready to deploy!
:'''Providence Agent:''' This is Alpha Team-- Ready! Bravo Team a go! Weapons check! Nothing yet, sir. No sign of-- Sweet mother of mercy! Open fire! Open fire! Alpha Team-- We're surrounded! We're cut off! They're on top of us. They're right on top of us! Bravo Team-- We're pinned down! We're pinned down! To your left, to your left! Look out! Aah! Send reinforcements! Send everything!
:'''White Knight:''' How did we get such a huge concentration of EVOs in one place? Did you talk to Rex?
:'''Six:''' Still says no.
:'''White Knight:''' Get down there with another team and clean this mess up. Wipe it if you have to.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' See that, folks? Providence isn't the only answer. What happened to its hero? What about Rex?
:'''Providence Agent:''' Blasters are useless against these things. Whatever they have is working.
:'''Rex:''' Get popper, people!
:'''Six:''' Glad you could make it.
:'''Rex:''' Tired of seeing someone else do my job-- Poorly, I might add.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Not this time, freak.
:'''Six:''' Rex!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Can't you just die already?
:'''Rex:''' I don't do dying. You're not so-- You have no idea who you're trying to kill. You're done. I just want to know why.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' You push hope where there isn't any. There's no saving EVOs. There can't be! You're a sickness. And you need to be destroyed.
:'''Rex:''' Ouch!
:'''Instigator:''' Hunter! Help us! Please! We're out of the ammo! The EVOs! They're everywhere!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Cost me everything I had for those cloned EVOs.
:'''Rex:''' This was a setup.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' A demonstration to prove how worthless Providence is.
:'''Rex:''' Did you hear that guy? It's not exactly working.
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Every war has its casualties.
:'''Rex:''' You're our one match-up dude!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' Well, what are you waiting for? Show everyone who you really are.
:'''Rex:''' I will. I don't care what you think about me. I don't care what anyone thinks. Not anymore. The people want to hate me? I can't stop them. But it's not going to stop me from doing my job! You want to know why? Because I'm awesome. Try not to fall. I got this! Well? Adios!
:'''Hunter Cain:''' There's a fight coming. It's time to choose sides.
:'''Instigator:''' You showed me we didn't have to be helpless anymore. But sometimes, you still gotta ask for help.
:'''Rex:''' He's not the only one out there like that, is he?
:'''Six:''' Unfortunately, no.
:'''Innocent Woman:''' Sometimes you just get the wrong idea. He's fighting for us.
:'''Innocent Boy:''' He saved my mother!
:'''Innocent Girl:''' He saved my dog!
:'''Old Man:''' He saved my priest.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' ''[on television]'' Providence's secret weapon-- A teenage boy named Rex. Hero? Abomination? Humanity's last hope? You decide.
:''[TV turns off]''
:'''Rex:''' Well, a few people get it. That's a start.
:'''Bobo:''' What can I say that I haven't said already? Humans are idiots. But every once in a while, they get it right.

===Gravity===
:'''Pete Volkov:''' ''[Russian accent]'' Magnetic containment unit functioning perfectly.
:'''Bouvier:''' ''[French accent]'' Commencing Bouvier algorithm.
:'''Dr. Rhodes:''' The code looks good.
:'''Bouvier:''' Why, of course it looks good. I wrote it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Separating Nanite &quot;Q&quot; sample from control group. Dr. Rhodes, magnification, please. Thank you. Salvatore, begin molecular separation. Here it is. &quot;De-com&quot; nanite, version two hundred fourty-three. Commencing protocol.
:'''Bobo:''' If this works, you may be out of a job.
:'''Rex:''' You see me complaining? If Providence wants the armored soldiers with reprogrammed nanites that cure EVOs, that's fine by me. I'll finally have my weekends free.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's working. The De-com nanites are deactivating the control group.
:'''Dr. Rhodes:''' Toast of deactivation achieved.
:'''Bouvier:''' A toast to me. What? You think this could have worked without my nanite immobilizing algorithm?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hold off on the high-fives. The nanites are back online-- And self-destructing. Shut it down. We'll reset and try again.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' I cannot shut it down.
:'''Bouvier:''' Impossible. All the simulations I ran--
:'''Zag-RS:''' We're perfect. This new data will be most helpful.
:'''Dr. Rhodes:''' Who said that?
:'''Rex:''' Zag-RS.
:'''Comm-Tech:'''I'm detecting a data signal from the station to a location off-site.
:'''Rex:''' Doc, you remember that psycho computer program that was gonna destroy the world? She's back.
:'''Zag-RS:''' I prefer &quot;artificial intelligence.&quot; And I don't plan to destroy the world, just all the nanites in it. Admittedly, every creature infested with them will die.
:'''Bobo:''' Hey, I resemble that remark!
:'''Rex:''' Didn't happen last time. Not gonna happen now, Zag!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Actually, Rex, if it has this program in its current state, that's exactly what will happen.
:'''Rex:''' Out of my way! Out of my way!
:'''Comm Tech:''' The data stream is being routed through our relay switch here at Providence. You'll need to turn it off.
:'''Rex:''' It's off.
:'''White Knight:''' Well?
:'''Comm Tech:''' Negative, sir. It's now streaming directly to an unknown location. We've lost the feed.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How far along is the experiment download?
:'''Bouvier:''' Uh, uh... 72%.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Dr. Rhodes, the communication controls-- Kill that feed at the source. Volkov, help me contain the A.I. We need a firewall to stop it from getting off the ship. The data is encrypted. If we can stop it in time, the information will be useless.
:'''Bouvier:''' 84%. There's no time.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Zag-RS must not leave this station. You saw those test nanites blow up. Do you want that to happen inside every living thing on Earth? It's just trying to distract us. Rhodes, unplug the containment unit.
:'''Zag-RS:''' Your efforts are pointless.
:'''Bouvier:''' 95% downloaded. 97%. 98%.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh!
:'''Pete Volkov:''' We prevented it from escaping the station, but it seems to be hiding in the navigation system.
:'''Dr. Rhodes:''' How did it get here in the first place? All our system software was thoroughly scrubbed.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Actually, not all of it. Someone insisted their groundbreaking program come in on a separate drive.
:''[Bouvier stammers]''
:'''Bouvier:''' This is not my fault.
:'''White Knight:''' Holiday, you're losing altitude! Can you correct your vector?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Negative, Providence. We're locked out of navigation. Zag-RS is doing that.
:'''Rex:''' What happens if they can't correct the vector thing?
:'''Six:''' They'll crash into the atmosphere and disintegrate.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Bouvier, you brought it on board. Now let's go erase it.
:'''Bouvier:''' I swear, I did not know this would happen. The algorithm-- It was too easy to write. It practically created itself.
:'''Dr. Rhodes:''' Dr. Holiday, I'll come.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' If there's power in the system, she'll just keep hiding until it reboots. We'll have to ditch the power core and go for a complete shutdown.
:'''Dr. Rhodes:''' You positive? Aah!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Aah!
:'''Six:''' Holiday, what happened?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Zag-RS opened the door on Rhodes. I have to stop her before she gets us all.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Stop! You can't do this! No put the station spin! It's suicide!
:'''Bouvier:''' So is staying here. I at least give myself a chance!
:'''Comm Tech:''' We've got system failures. Multiple hull impacts.
:'''Six:''' Providence to station-- Status.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Bouvier decided to leave early. I'm going to jettison the power core. We'll lose, well, pretty much everything.
:'''Rex:''' But you'll get the station back on track, right, doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can always hope, Rex. Holiday out.
:'''Rex:''' Hey, doc? Doc?!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Looks like it's just you and me, Pete. What's our status?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Battery life support, but that's all.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Any sign of Zag-RS?
:'''Comm Tech:''' Orbital decaying is increasing. And as long as they're tumbling, launching the other capsule is too dangerous.
:'''Rex:''' Well, send someone to fix it.
:'''White Knight:''' How long to prep a shuttle?
:'''Comm Tech:''' Twelve hours. They'll hit the atmosphere and break up in about two.
:'''Six:''' We need options.
:'''Comm Tech:''' Could try the space elevator.
:'''Rex:''' Perfect! Put me on it and I can fix the station!
:'''White Knight:''' It's only for cargo. The G-Forces alone would kill a person.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, hello? Have we met? Not exactly a normal person here.
:'''White Knight:''' We can't afford to lose you too, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' No one's losing anyone! Come on, Knight. Have I ever not made it work?
:'''Six:''' Replacement power core and relays. The elevator doesn't reach the station's orbit altitude, so you'll use the freight sled at the top of the station.
:'''Rex:''' Sure you don't want to come?
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, chip's a bad history with space, so-- No. Have a good trip, try not to die.
:'''Six:''' ''[Rex is on the space elevator]'' How's it going?
:'''Rex:''' Oh! Great! Thanks for asking.
:'''Six:''' Good. Because we need to speed you up to make the rendezvous window.
:'''Rex:''' But-- Aah!
:''[Elevator accelerates]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' What was that?
:'''Six:''' You crashed through the station.
:'''Rex:''' That's not supposed to happen, is it?
:'''Six:''' Problem with the braking mechanism. If you can't stop, you'll keep going... Forever.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaaah!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Stopped it.
:'''White Knight:''' Can he make the rendezvous?
:'''Six:''' Ah, yes. Rex, they made a slight miscalculation in the rate of the station's orbital decay.
:'''Rex:''' Uh-huh. Define &quot;slight.&quot; Unh!
:'''Six:''' Rex! Rex, do you read?
:'''Rex:''' Ow. Aah! Unh! Hope the doorbell works.
:''[Rex breathing heavily]''
:'''Rex:''' Unh!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Mission control, I made it aboard. Mission control, come in! Oh, great! The radio. Well, welcome aboard to you, too. Hello? Doc? Anyone here?
:''[Rex spots the station falling towards him]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[opening the door]'' Rex?!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:''[Dr. Holiday hugs Rex]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What do you-- How did you--
:'''Rex:''' Space elevator. Can you believe it?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' The impact a few minutes ago.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. Yeah. Let's just say &quot;down&quot; is no longer an option.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not many options here, either. The power's nearly gone. Communications are shot. We only have a little time left before we hit the atmosphere.
:'''Rex:''' So, how about you two put on your thinking caps and figure out what we need to do to not crash and burn?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' We need power to do anything.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But Zag-RS--
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Should have been deleted in the power-core purge.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Fine. But both solar arrays are damaged, and the couplings are shot.
:'''Rex:''' Let me give it a try.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' What can he do? This requires precision, not smashing.
:'''Rex:''' Hmm.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can use Salvatore. Look, Volkov, Rex may not look like much, but having him here, he may actually save us.
:'''Rex:''' Thanks for the vote of confidence.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Dr. Holiday leads Rex away. Quietly to Rex]'' If you blow it, we're dead. Got it? Start with the couplings and see if we can use the solar arrays to generate any power.
:'''Rex:''' How's the robot, uh...?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's voice activated. Salvatore, pick up those yellow coupling cables.
:'''Rex:''' How's that feel?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Slightly less catastrophic, thank you.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' No. No computers. If Zag-RS is somehow still in there--
:'''Pete Volkov:''' How do we stabilize this station without gyroscopic control of the thruster jets?
:'''Rex:''' ''[as Rex is space walking]'' Pretty incredible up here, isn't it, guys?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Aside from the imminent doom, yes. Awe-inspiring.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, the thrusters are normally controlled through the navigation software. I need you to bypass the system and connect the thrusters directly to the command module.
:'''Rex:''' I can't reach the thruster from here without-- Hold on to this, will you, Salvatore?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Are you sure you know what you're doing?
:'''Rex:''' Not a clue. Try the controls now. Reel me in, Sally. Salvatore? Okay. Fire it up!
:'''Pete Volkov:''' We might have a tiny chance of getting out of your life. Altitude burn in three, two, one.
:''[Pete Volkov scoffs]''
:'''Pete Volkov:''' There must have been a fuel leak in the collision.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' At least we're stable enough for an evac now. Rex, take Salvatore and retrieve the containment unit. We'll prep the escape capsule.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Is this a bad time to observe there's only two seats in the escape capsule and three of us?
:'''Rex:''' Easy. You can sit on the floor, Volkov. Too bad we can't take sparky with. I could really go for a robo-butler.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Talk with Knight when we get home. I think we can go now.
:'''Zag-RS:''' Correction. Now I can go. You were right to shut the station down. I would have regained control if you hadn't. Fortunately, I was able to download myself into something autonomous.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' That is our only means of survival! You can't take it!
:'''Zag-RS:''' Incorrect.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Be careful, the hole.
:'''Rex:''' Sorry, Professor, but this requires smashing, not precision. Get to the capsule!
:'''Zag-RS:''' It seems you've forgotten my ability to destroy nanites at close range, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Thanks for the reminder.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' ''[to Dr. Holiday]'' Why worry about hitting the atmosphere? These two will get us first.
:'''Rex:''' Hey. Trying to stop a killer robot over here. &quot;Thanks&quot; or &quot;Keep it up&quot; would do fine.
:'''Zag-RS:''' To defeat me, you'll have to destroy the station and everyone on board. But I did enjoy stabilizing the station with you. Please exit the capsule now.
:'''Rex:''' Forget stable.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, come on!
:'''Rex:''' Can't... do it. I'm spent. Go. Launch while you can.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not 'til you're in here!
:'''Rex:''' You got the nanites. If anyone can figure out how to make'em work, it's you. You won't even need me anymore. I'll hold her off!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Launch!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Dr. Holiday throws the nanites at Zag RS. Then Holiday runs up to Rex]'' Rex, you never gave up on us. We're not giving up on you. Now get in here so we can go home!
:'''Zag-RS:''' This is not... over.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, it is for now.
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Engaging stabilizers. The heat shield is damaged. It appears we are going to die... again.
:'''Rex:''' I got your heat shield... right here! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Oh-ho! Hot! Hot! Hot! Aah!
:'''White Knight:''' Shut it down.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Providence, this is Holiday. We're clear of re-entry and deploying parachute. Think you could arrange a pickup?
:'''Six:''' On its way. You'll be happy to know we're in contact with Rhodes. Their spacesuit saved her. We're prepping a shuttle now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Thanks. And Six-- It's good to hear your voice.
:'''Rex:''' Listen, doc. About up there, just before we got away from the robot--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' After you came all that way to get me, it's the least I could do.
:'''Rex:''' So, how long until we get picked up?
:'''Pete Volkov:''' Bad news. Transponder is toast.
:'''Rex:''' Ha! You two better not get seasick.

===What Lies Beneath===
: '''Circe:''' Rex, it's me.
: '''Rex:''' Circe? What do ''you'' want!?
: '''Circe:''' Things in Abysus- they're bad, Rex. I need your help.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, well, how do I put this nicely? Not a chance! You made your choice, Circe! I made mine. End of story.
: '''Circe:''' Please, Rex. I know you're mad at me, but this is a matter of life and death.
: '''Rex:''' A lot of things are right now. Nice talking to you.
: '''Circe:''' Rex!?
: (''Looks crestfallen'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I didn't know you were still in touch with Circe.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, me neither. Can we please stop talking about this?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' She's very pretty.
: '''Rex:''' She works for Van Kleiss. She's the enemy. 
: '''Holiday:''' But you still like her, don't you?
: '''Rex:''' I am ''not'' talking about this!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Rex, thank you.
: '''Rex:''' I'm not doing this for you. But...your welcome. (''Circe similes hopefully'') So what exactly am I supposed to do?
:'''Holiday:''' When I said you were the key, I meant that literally. According to the plans, the machine needs to be turned on by a molecular level. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' You ''lied'' to me!!
: '''Circe:''' You wouldn't have come if I told you the truth.
: '''Rex:''' This wasn't about you needing ''me''!! This is about you needing Van Kleiss!!
: '''Circe:''' I need you both. Please, Rex, you don't understand.
: '''Rex:''' No!! ''You'' don't understand!! Van Kleiss is gone and I intend to keep it that way!!
: '''Biowulf:''' You destroyed us all!!
: '''Six:''' Don't even breathe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You don't know what you've done.
: '''Rex:''' Then, I guess we're even.
: '''Circe:''' You've never understood his power. Van Kleiss kept us safe here. His force was the only thing keeping Abysus together, and you destroyed that.
: '''Rex:''' We're done here!!
: '''Holiday:''' Rex, I think she's right. Nanites operate on a molecular level. If they bonded with Van Kleiss, breaking off his connection must have caused a splinter; resulting in a disastrous chain reaction.
: '''Rex:''' I'm ''not'' bringing him back! ''Not now, not ever!!'' Besides, you don't need Van Kleiss! You have me!! Why not go straight to the source?!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, no!
:'''Six:''' Stand down! It's too dangerous!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Let go of me!!
: '''Holiday:''' If you keep fighting these unstable nanites, they're going to destroy you!
: '''Rex:''' And if I don't they'll destroy everybody else.
: '''Holiday:''' Not if you listen to me! I have an idea. It's a long shot. Instead of fighting the nanites, ''communicate'' with them.
: '''Six:''' You want to talk to the nanites?
: '''Holiday:''' He's done it before.
: '''Rex:''' Never anything this big.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I got you! Don't let go!! (''Rex struggles to save Circe from falling as she clings to him; tears fill her eyes''). ''Circe!!'' (''as she falls into the black goop of highly unstable nanites'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' ''Circe!'' Six! Dr. Holiday! Okay, you win. (''technopathically starts the machine''). Something's...not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Circe! Come on, breathe!
: '''Circe''' (''coughs weakly'')''':''' Hey.
: '''Rex:''' Hey.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Stay with us, Circe. Van Kleiss is done.
: '''Circe:''' As much as I care about you, Rex, Van Kleiss and the Pack are my family. They took me in when no one else would. I can't abandon them.
: '''Rex:''' So that's it. We're always going to be on opposite sides.
: '''Circe:''' It does keep it interesting.

===The Swarm===
:'''Rex''' (thinking'')''':''' ''Gotta stay under. Not sure I can...make it.
:(''Has visions of those most dear to him: Noah, his crush Circe, Holiday, Six, Bobo)

===Basic===
===The Plague===
:'''White Knight:''' The country was infected in three hours. The entire North American continent was asleep in five. All satellites are offline and there's been no communication from overseas. The Plague hit Providence before quarantine protocols could be established. Dr. Holiday has managed to keep herself awake using electric neural stimulation. EVOs seem to be immune to the Plague, which leaves us with only one agent left to deal with this mess.
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! This is gonna be a... long day.
:'''White Knight:''' It's gonna be the last stop for those commuters  if you can't catch that train.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, I know. But I gotta find it first. Huh? Uh, found it. Ughh! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''White Knight:''' Rex, report.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Mission accomplished. I'm heading back to the lab. Oh, man. I'm gonna be sore for weeks.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[Sighing]'' Oh. This is seriously wearing me out. Come on, Rex. Pull it together. Ugh!
:'''White Knight:''' Dr. Holiday is heading to the initial outbreak area now. She's come up short as to any way of reversing the Plague. I'm counting on her solving this before the electric shocks damage her brain beyond usefulness.
:''[Rex yawns loudly]''
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' This is like spitting on a forest fire. Things are probably going wrong in every city on Earth.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Every life saved counts, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, I know. How are Six and Bobo? But Bobo's an EVO.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Same as the others, asleep. He should have been immune like you.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I-I don't have a clue about this thing.
:''[Dr. Holiday gets shocked]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! And these shocks won't keep me awake forever.
:'''White Knight:''' All the more reason not to waste any more time!
:'''Rex:''' She's not wasting time!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' No, he's right. We've got sixty hours at best before people start dying of thirst.
:'''White Knight:''' And hundred or so will die within the hour if the downtown fire spreads any further.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Sighs]'' Oh. Back to work.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Something told billions of viruses to evolve into a sleeping Plague. The key to solving this is finding Patient Zero.
:'''White Knight:''' Get up to the Cayuga dam now. The floodgates are closed. It'll crack if you don't relieve the pressure.
:'''Rex:''' So, how do we find Patient Zero?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's not going to be so easy.
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! Ugh! Oh, come on! Hope you like fish sticks for dinner, doc.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' If we can find the frequency that connected Patient Zero to the nanites, we can trace it back to him.
:'''Rex:''' Fantastic. I find Patient Zero, shut him down, and, boom, everybody wakes up ready for breakfast.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Yes. No. I mean, maybe. Ugh, I'm so tired. I can't think.
:''[Dr. Holiday gets shocked]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! And these stupid shocks.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Maybe I should be studying Bobo instead.
:'''Rex:''' Easy, doc. Deep breaths. Is there anything I can do?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Oof. Lost it there. I'm okay. I modified this scanner to find the nanite control frequency.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But it could take hours.
:'''White Knight:''' Dr. Holiday, where's my update?
:'''Rex:''' Do you really think she'd keep it a secret if she found something? She's been working around the clock.
:'''White Knight:''' And that's the way it's going to be until we figure this out.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Just give me a moment. ''[Sleepily]'' I can find the--
:'''Rex:''' Doc! Doc!
:'''White Knight:''' ''[after Holiday passes out]'' That's great. She couldn't stay awake an hour or two more?
:'''Rex:''' At least she was working on the problem.
:'''White Knight:''' She's doing her job. Which is what I expect from both of you. Where are you going?
:'''Rex:''' To Follow Doc's plan.
:''[the door closes]''
:'''Rex:''' You can stay there and decide if you're good for anything besides yelling at people.
:''[Rex breathes heavily]''
:'''White Knight:''' We're down to eighteen hours before we start losing people.
:'''Rex:''' Like I don't know that?
:'''White Knight:''' What's the holdup?
:'''Rex:''' I just need a second.
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't handle this--
:'''Rex:''' What are you gonna do-- Shuffle some papers at me? I'm all you've got, so back off!
:''[Ends the transmission]''
:'''White Knight:''' You are not that special, kid. And there is way too much at stake now. White Knight protocols. Code designation-- Iron Mace Alpha. Commence systems check. Confirm nanite shielding integrity. Put a hustle on, hotshot. Once it's dark, it'll be harder to find anything.
:'''Rex:''' Fine! You want speed?
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Ugh! Ugh. Hey, freak face. The buffet is closed.
:''[Rex breathes heavily]''
:'''Rex:''' I can't. I can't do this by myself any more.
:'''White Knight:''' [Arriving] You don't have to.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa. Nice suit.
:'''White Knight:''' Thrill me.
:'''Rex:''' White Knight out of the office? This really is the end of the world.
:'''White Knight:''' I'm trying to prevent that.
:'''Rex:''' This isn't exactly a desk job. Think you can keep up?
:'''White Knight:''' I'll manage.
:'''Rex:''' Okay. But as my sidekick, you need to have a cool name. How about &quot;Gizmodude&quot;? No, no, no. How about &quot;Robopants&quot;?
:'''White Knight:''' Anything? Before they went offline, the satellites showed that the Plague started in this area. Patient Zero is somewhere down there.
:'''Rex:''' What do you want me to do, go door to door like I'm looking for a little lost puppy?
:'''White Knight:''' If we don't find and neutralize the source of the Plague, we'll need to take drastic measures.
:'''Rex:''' The &quot;Make you glow in the dark&quot; kind? Come on. Pass. Maybe we can narrow our search. He's Patient Zero, right? The first one sick. So, maybe he was already at a doctor's office or a hospital.
:'''White Knight:''' The keep's records show eight clinics, two major hospitals, and eighty-two general practitioners.
:'''Rex:''' See? Now we're getting somewhere. Try and keep up.
:'''White Knight:''' I don't know how Six does it.
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Ugh! Ah! Aah!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Sorry. Won't happen again. I'm-- I'm-- I'm fine.
:'''White Knight:''' Take five. You're useless to me as a zombie.
:'''Rex:''' No, don't want to slow things... up. Okay, okay, I'm awake! Make up your mind.
:'''White Knight:''' It's not me.
:'''Rex:''' It found the frequency! Ooh, looks like a tight fit. Someone needs to lay off the milkshakes. I got it covered. You have serious control issues. Wait here. Interesting. Huh. Don't be surprised if you get a bill for that. I think this is the virus.
:'''White Knight:''' Viruses are too small to see.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but it's an EVO virus, remember? I'd say we've got the right place. It's still changing. I don't think he's finished going EVO.
:'''White Knight:''' All right. Get to it.
:'''Rex:''' Let's hope this guy is curable.
:''[Rex gasps]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' What? Uh, I don't get it. It's working but it's not. He just heals. What are you doing?
:'''White Knight:''' We're out of options.
:'''Rex:''' No! I'm trying to cure him!
:'''White Knight:''' And failing. Back up.
:'''Rex:''' But, Dr. Holiday--
:'''White Knight:''' Is not here. She said he was the key. You tried your way, it didn't work.
:'''Rex:''' You're not doing this!
:'''White Knight:''' It's not up for debate.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' If you vaporize him and it doesn't work, we've got no Chance to reverse this Plague.
:'''White Knight:''' And you're suddenly the genius that's gonna figure it out? We have only hours before people start dying. Now move aside.
:'''Rex:''' No. Stop it, Knight, before these people get hurt.
:'''White Knight:''' Just as soon as you step away.
:'''Rex:''' Aah! ''[about Knight's armored suit]'' That wasn't built to fight EVOs. That was built to fight me!
:'''White Knight:''' It's for our own protection.
:'''Rex:''' Well, let's see how well it works. You've never trusted me.
:'''White Knight:''' I don't trust anything with nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Everything has nanites!
:''[Rex strains]''
:'''White Knight:''' Eveything but me.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''White Knight:''' Didn't you ever wonder why I live in a sterilized box? That's why I run Providence. I can't be corrupted. I'll never evolve into some freak that betrays his team. I'm the only one that can be trusted.
:'''Rex:''' Well, here's the update, Knight-- Everybody on the planet has nanites-- Everybody but you. That makes me normal. You're the freak. You are unbelievable.
:'''White Knight:''' I'm ready to hear your theories, doctor.
:'''Rex:''' Still? What, I gotta do this a piece at a time? Okay.
:'''White Knight:''' Should've let me take him out when I still could.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, well, maybe if I devolve enough pieces of his armor, you'll get a decent shot in.
:'''White Knight:''' Get to it.
:'''Rex:''' Hmm. Wait. Pieces. It's lots of pieces. It's working, but on the wrong EVO. That's not Patient Zero, that's the virus. Patient Zero was under all that gross stuff. The outside part is mutating to defend him. He's commanding the viruses to protect him. The Plague was his first offense! 
:'''White Knight:''' How does this help us?
:'''Rex:''' Just like Holiday said, Patient Zero is the key. I get his nanites to send out a wake-up call, then Kieran.
:'''White Knight:''' And how are you gonna get to him under all that?
:'''Rex:''' I need that thing to eat me. Yeah, I know. The crazy thing is, it's the second time I've done this today. Do it! Aah.
:'''Computer:''' Suit integrity compromised. Nanite breach imminent. Suit integrity re-established.
:'''Rex:''' ''[From inside the EVO]'' What's going on out there? You have to keep it still.
:'''White Knight:''' Right. Next time, I'll let it kill me.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Okay. This shouldn't be hard. Ugh!
:''[Rex spits]''
:'''Rex:''' Ugh!
:''[Patient Zero gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' No! I'm not trying to hurt you.
:'''Computer:''' Suit integrity compromised. Nanite breach imminent.
:''[Rex strains]''
:'''Rex:''' Just calm down! Nobody's going to hurt you. You're safe. Time to wake them up.
:'''Computer:''' Suit integrity compromised. Nanite breach imminent. Suit integrity compromised. Nanite breach imminent.
:''[White Knight groans]''
:'''White Knight:''' Doctor, where's my update?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Still waiting on casualty reports. Of course, there would have been a lot more if it hadn't been for Rex.
:'''White Knight:''' It's his job, isn't it? What about the monkey?
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Still asleep.
:'''White Knight:''' Get on that. If this gives us a viral weapon against EVOs, we can put this week in the plus column.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You got him in time. Still 100% nanite-free. I'm surprised you saved him.
:'''Rex:''' In a weird way, White Knight and I are sort of alike. We're both one-of-a-kind. And that's worth something.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm proud of you, Rex-- Not just for this, but for figuring everything out.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, sure. You know, it was, uh, pretty obvious.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Now, if we could only figure out what went wrong with Bobo. I'm worried the virus may have triggered a permanent reaction.
:''[Bobo yawns]''
:'''Bobo:''' Boy, those guys in the motor pool sure know how to party. Whoa. How long was I out? And I'm starving! Who's up for breakfast? Good night, Bobo.

===Promises, Promises===
:''Note:'' This episode depicts how young Rex had joined Providence via Six's [[w:flashback episode|memories]].
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Six narrates over imagery of the Nanite Event.]''
:'''Six:'''	The names and faces may change, but no matter how you slice it, war is war. You pick a side and you don’t look back. I believe that now and I believed it then. What gets you in trouble is when you start second guessing. Forget what you’re fighting for and you’re finished.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' ''[Panicked screaming is heard in the background of an EVO attack]'' There’s another entity has emerged, this time in the heart of Paris. Authorities are vastly unprepared. Unless a decisive response to this pandemic is marshalled, the city will fall just as Kiev— ''[Diane Farrah gets snatched by the EVO’s web]''
:''[A Providence assault vehicle rams through police cars, from which Six appears and deals with the EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Save some for me partner! How else am I gonna earn my paycheck?
:''[Knight fires off a weapon and the scene cuts to present day at Providence Headquarters.]''
:'''Providence Agents:''' Surprise!
:'''Rex:'''	So, the flu shots?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I needed an excuse to get you here. We’ll do them after cake. I’ll get you Van Kleiss! ''[Holiday swings at a pinata blindfolded before Rex crushes it with his smack hands]''
:'''Rex:''' Sorry, Doc, it was taking too long. And it was either that or throw some of your cake at it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday walks over to Six at a corner, passing him a drink]'' You’re looking festive.
:'''Six:''' It was an odd choice to pick today to be his birthday.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It is the anniversary of his new life here. He deserves a celebration, he changed everything.
:'''Six:''' Has he?
:'''Rex:''' ''[Rex jumps onto a counter, speaking to the agents surrounding him]'' Ha-hah! How about hitting The Petting Zoo for a little pin-the-tail on the raging “Rhinocesaurus”?
:'''Dr. Holiday and Six:''' No.
:'''Rex:'''	Every party has a pooper. And I got two.
:'''Providence Agents:''' ''[Providence Agents turn off the lights and bring Rex a birthday cake]'' Happy Birthday!
:'''Rex:'''	Dudes!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You should be celebrating too, Six! After all, you’re the one who started this. In a way, it’s your birthday too.
:''[Flashback to Six and Knight walking through the Petting Zoo during construction of Providence HQ.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Nyquist. Fortier. How’s the monkey business?
:'''Nyquist:''' Ha ha-larious, Knight.
:'''Fortier:''' Hey, for your information we probably saved the world today.
:'''White Knight:''' I, for one, feel safer already.
:''[Knight states, looking at Bobo while Six walks towards his cage]''
:'''Bobo:''' So, green man. We meet again!
:'''Calan:''' They found him at the Kremlin this time. He was threatening to push the button unless someone brought him a thousand pounds of caviar.
:'''Bobo:''' Chimp’s gotta eat.
:'''Fortier:''' What about your little bug hunt? Give you much trouble?
:'''White Knight:''' Nothing we couldn’t handle.
:''[The EVO is transported in a cage overhead while Knight and Six walk through a hallway.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What? Not even a smile? Oh by the way, happy birthday. ''[Knight passes Six a gift]''
:'''Six:''' How did you know?
:'''White Knight:''' I’m your partner. Can’t keep much from me.
:'''Six:''' Thanks.
:'''White Knight:''' So what crawled up your coat?
:'''Six:''' I’m getting tired of all this fighting. Did you see how many there are now? Are we gonna cage the whole world?
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight turns around, placing a hand on Six's shoulder]'' We’re preserving the human race. ''[The door to the processing facility opens]'' Besides, who says we’re gonna cage them all?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Looking at the EVO]'' And to think, this was once spinning webs in someone’s garden. Doctor Holiday, prepare for disassembly. ''[Doctor Holiday nods and activates the procedure as per his instructions. Doctor Fell sports a wicked smile during the experiment before it disintegrates the EVO without a trace]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It’s the same exact data as last time, and the time before that; Doctor Fell, why aren’t we studying them in a natural setting?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Only through molecular dissection will we find a way to expunge this threat. The committee agrees with me on this. If you do not approve, I can always find another assistant.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Doctor Holiday leaves the facility in frustration with Doctor Fell]'' Bleeding hearts. They’ll get us all killed one day.
:''[Holiday walks down a hallway and drops several notes, one of which Six picks up.]''
:'''Six:''' EVO?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Exponentially Variegated Organism; a little more scientific than spoiled meat. That is what you hired guns call them isn’t it?
:'''Six:''' It's Six, and I don't use guns. You told Fell we could learn more by bringing them in alive. What did you mean?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites are altering our DNA, but with the right type of research, there's no doubt they could be programmed to stop or reverse the process. Imagine a third option to this, kill-or-Contain protocol.
:'''Six:''' A third option?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' A cure.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight and several other Providence agents run past Holiday after an alarm activates]'' Buckle up partner! Looks like we got ourselves a big one.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hopeless.
:''[Providence mercenaries arrive at Mexico to confront the giant mechanical EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What are we looking at?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Fascinating. It appears to be bio-mechanical. I must have a closer look at this one.
:'''White Knight:''' One for the trophy case.
:'''Six:''' Wait. We may get more out of this one if we bring it in alive!
:'''White Knight:''' Are you nuts?
:'''Fortier:''' Looks like your boy is losing his edge, Knight!
:'''White Knight:''' Not a cage in the world that can hold this thing. Six? ''[Six charges at the EVO, making his way up the limbs before stabbing it in the shoulder]'' That’s more like it!
:'''Six:''' ''[After his attack, Six gets grabbed by the EVO’s hand]'' White, get back! This thing is going to blow! ''[Six is launched and emerges from the rubble before the EVO self-destructs]'' Knight? Knight!
:'''Rex:''' ¡Auxílio! ''[Six runs to a child buried underneath the same pile of rubble]'' ¿Has visto mi bicicleta?
:''[Commercial break]''
:''[Six and Rex stay close to the walls of buildings in the quiet city.]''
:'''Rex:''' Is that sword for real? Are you a ninja? I was speaking Spanish. Is this Mexico? Why are we sneaking around-- ''[Six covers Rex’s mouth at the sound of an Evo from a distance]'' Ugh, dude, your hand smells like monkey breath.
:''[Rex pulls Six's hand off his face.]''
:'''Rex:''' Why don’t you just call HQ or NORAD or 9-1-1?
:'''Six:''' When the creature blew, it released some sort of EM pulse. Fried everything electronic: this area is a dead-zone. We’re on our own.
:'''Rex:''' So much for ordering a pizza. ''[Six stares at Rex in silence]'' I’m joking cause if I don’t, I’m gonna remember how scared I am right now-- ''[Rex looks away and then back at Six while trying to recollect his memories]'' Actually except for my name, that’s about all I do remember.
:'''Six:''' No family? An address? A grandma where I can dump you?
:''[Rex shakes his head to all of Six’s questions]''
:'''Rex:''' Nothing. Except waking up and seeing your face. Not exactly the angel I was hoping for.
:'''Six:''' You’re in shock. We should find a place to hole you up until I can get some help.
:'''Rex:''' No way, I’m not hiding! Why, you wanna get rid of me?
:'''Six:''' I screwed up, and it may very well have caused my friend his life. The last thing I need is you slowing me down.
:''[Six carries Rex through the remains of a building before stumbling across a massive crater.]''
:'''Six:''' No--
:'''Rex:''' ''[Rex walks away from Six's hold to get closer to the crater]'' What’s going on? What did this?
:'''Six:''' Don’t worry, we evacuated this zone. We’ll get you home, I promise. Right now we gotta move.
:'''Rex:''' What’s making those sounds?
:'''Six:''' ''[While navigating through the area, an EVO crawls out a ditch and roars at the pair]'' New plan! Run! ''[Six draws his blade as the EVO charges at him, lunges in the air, and spits acid which causes him to double over in pain. Rex nearly escapes after climbing over rubble, but stops when he sees the monster towering over Six]''
:'''Rex:''' Agh! Leave him alone! ''[Rex charges at the EVO to protect Six, accidentally curing the man after striking his palm at him]'' Ugh, great! I probably got rabies! ''[Six looks at Rex in shock]'' What?
:''[Later, at the Petting Zoo.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Glad to see you alive, partner.
:'''Six:''' Happy to accommodate.
:'''White Knight:''' Better stand clear of Fell. He’s furious we didn’t bring back a sample of that monster.
:'''Rex:''' ''[The sound of a cage opening turns the men’s attention to Rex, who was tricked into freeing a desperate-looking Bobo]'' Uh, no, I don’t know where they keep the jet planes.
:'''Six:''' ''[Bobo runs away but is immediately caught and thrown back into the cage by Six]'' Why did you let him out?
:'''Rex:''' He asked me to. I don’t know if you guys are aware of this, but that monkey talks!
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight takes hold of Rex’s shirt and pins him against a cage]'' Who are you? What are you doing in here?
:'''Six:''' ''[Six pulls Rex away and positions himself between Knight and Rex]'' He’s with me, I found him out in the field. There’s something I wanted to show-- ''[The lights and sounds of an experiment draws Six’s attention]'' Doctor Holiday.
:''[Six and Rex begin walking to Doctor Holiday’s laboratory where Rex gets a checkup from the Doctor.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ouch! Ah! Let me see your medical license.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, we have nurses who could’ve easily handled this. ''[Six opens a cage containing an EVO and secures it in a hold while bringing it closer to Rex]'' What are you doing? That EVO is scheduled for processing!
:'''Six:''' Show her. ''[On Six's command, Rex cures the EVO]'' We found it Doctor. The third alternative.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What is he...? How--
:'''Six:''' Meet Rex. The cure.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Rex waves at Holiday before she runs to Six and embraces him with a hug]'' This changes everything!
:''[Rex is put to bed and Six waits for Doctor Holiday outside the quarters.]''
:'''Six:''' Finally asleep?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Amazing what fifteen burritos will do. I can’t wait to see Fell’s face when we show him.
:'''Six:''' No. Not a word to anyone. Tomorrow we move him to a safe location.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But I need to get to work on him straight away.
:'''Six:''' Trust me, not everyone will feel the same way about working with an EVO. If we time this wrong, it could turn ugly.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I hate this war.
:''[Doctor Holiday walks away while Knight stands around the corner, having overheard the entire conversation.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Hey, partner. How’s Tricks?
:'''Six:''' What are you doing in the medical ward? I thought you hated germs.
:'''White Knight:''' Made an exception today. Something I should know?
:'''Six:''' Just another day at the office. ''[Knight holds on to Six’s arm before he can move any further away]''
:'''White Knight:''' You can trust me.
:'''Six:''' I know.
:''[Six walks away while Knight looks suspiciously at Rex’s door. Later in his own room, Six practices his swordsmanship and inspects Knight’s gift before contacting Holiday about a power surge.]''
:'''Six:''' Holiday. Is Fell running protocols at night now? Holiday?
:''[White Knight is present alongside Dr. Fell at a processing facility where an experiment is conducted]'' Prepare for disassembly.
:'''Six:''' ''[Before any further action can be taken, Six enters the facility]'' What are you doing?
:'''White Knight:''' I’m not going to allow my partner to risk his career for one bad call. Did you think I couldn’t get Holiday to talk?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Six walks towards the table where a drowsy Rex is suspended before having Fell block his path]'' You're letting your emotions cloud your judgement, Six. With what we gleam from this boy, I could create tools that would inoculate the world.
:'''Six:''' Why risk it? He can already cure them! I've seen it!
:'''White Knight:''' So, what, we train him? Make him one of us? ''[Doctor Fell tries to dissect Rex with a scalpel before the tool is destroyed by a strand of his nanites]'' I thought he was sedated!
:'''Dr. Fell:''' He is. It’s his nanites, they’re protecting him! ''[A single, premature version of his Smack Hands is created and tosses Fell to the ground. Various forms of Rex’s signature builds materialize and disappear to Rex’s discomfort]''
:'''White Knight:''' One of us, huh?
:''[Knight activates a warning siren while Rex inadvertently draws electricity from his surroundings]''
:''[Commercial break]''
:'''Rex:''' Okay, this is definitely not normal.
:'''White Knight:''' Enough of this! ''[Knight fires a bullet at Rex which is sliced in half by Six’s katana]'' Have you lost it? He’s one of them! If he powers up he’ll destroy us all!
:''[Knight fires another bullet at Rex]''
:'''Six:''' No!
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Six deflects the second bullet, this time aiming the projectile near Knight’s head]'' So. That’s it, huh?
:''[Knight proceeds to rain bullets on Six who deflects all of the shots while charging towards him. Meanwhile, Holiday is held captive inside one of the cages at The Petting Zoo.]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You cannot treat me like this! I have 3 PhDs! Let me out this instant! ''[She slumps inside of the cage next to Bobo, who swipes a pen which he proceeds to lockpick with]''
:'''Bobo:''' Y’know, maybe we can scratch each other's backs.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Excuse me?
:''[Bobo unlocks the gate, with Holiday seizing the opportunity and hurrying to reach Rex]''
:'''Bobo:''' Right between the shoulder blades. And watch the nails. ''[Holiday looks down at Bobo before proceeding to run back to Fell’s facility]'' You thought I was kidding about the back scratch? I got monkey dander!
:''[Back at the processing facility, Rex reels in pain while Knight continues to fire at his partner.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Stand down, Six! ''[Knight stops firing at Six]'' We need you in this war!
:'''Six:''' What’s the good in winning a war if we can’t live with ourselves after?
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight tears the strap off his gun and uses it as an improvised baton while continuing to make combat with Six. The two exchange blows until Knight gains the upper hand and wails on him until they both stand before Rex]'' We're supposed to be friends! He's a monster! What do you see in him?!
:''[Knight pulls up Six’s head towards Rex who is seizing in pain]''
:'''Six:''' Hope.
:''[Six draws blood with a strike and continues to fight Knight until he is tranquilized by Doctor Fell]''
:'''White Knight:''' Thanks for talking some sense into him, doc.
:''[Knight picks up Six’s katana and walks toward Rex]''
:'''Rex:''' What-- What’s happening to me?
:''[Rex pleas to Knight, who simply looks down at him before warning sirens go off and the facility begins to lockdown]''
:'''Dr. Fell:''' We’re all going to burn.
:''[Fell escapes while Rex is craned away by Holiday on an upper level]''
:'''White Knight:''' No! ''[Knight looks back at Six who is slowly picking himself up while the remaining exits close off. In a last ditch effort, Knight carries Six and throws him through the final set of doors before they seal shut]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Six picks himself and slams his fist against the glass]'' Why?
:'''White Knight:''' I know what side I’m on. ''[Knight proudly states before getting consumed by a blinding white light and screaming in agony]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Grabbing a hold of Dr. Fell's collar Six shouts]'' Do something!
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Once the cycle starts it's impossible to shut down.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Contrary to Dr. Fell's statement, the light fades away and the electricity is subdued after Rex interfaces with a control panel]'' Impossible? Psh, right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you—-?
:'''Rex:''' Told it to turn off. And it did! Wait, where...where am I?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Doctor Holiday. Maybe you were right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:'''	Maybe you should start looking for another job.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[Within the processing chamber, Knight takes a few steps forward before collapsing]'' Hey marshmallow! Nice look! ''[Knight looks back up at Bobo with his signature bleached appearance]''
:''[Some time later, in his office White Knight speaks to Six through a monitor.]''
:'''White Knight:''' How’s the training?
:'''Six:'''	Slow.
:'''White Knight:''' Not all you hoped he’d be? ''[Rex and Bobo topple each other in a play fight while Knight continues to monologue in his office]'' Still, who would’ve thought the kinder, gentler approach would do such wonders for our profile. The notion of a cure has gotten Providence funding, and worldwide prestige. The committee's happy. Your new partner may just be the best thing this operation could have asked for. Funny, isn’t it? Because of you I can never leave this chamber. I’m now the only pure human left in the world. And the perfect poster boy to run this operation. I suppose I should thank you.
:'''Six:''' I promised him that we would help uncover his past; find his family.
:'''White Knight:''' Whatever keeps him on his leash. But if he shows the slightest sign of turning into thing again, it's all on you.
:''[Back at the party in the present, Noah is pinned down by Bobo with a bag on his head to Rex’s amusement.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh my—hold him down, I’ll get the camera!
:''[Rex runs to his room, and after a quick search he instead finds a long box on a corner shelf]''
:'''Six:''' Happy birthday.
:''[Six walks into his room, officially greeting Rex]''
:'''Rex:'''	From you? For me? You gotta be kidding.
:'''Six:''' You, your work. It has made a real difference. I just—-
:'''Rex:'''	Yeah, I know I’m pretty great! But seriously get off the sap train, Six. It’s creeping me out. ''[Rex opens the gift to reveal the blade inside]'' Wow, Six! Thank you!
:'''Six:'''	It’s called a tanto. It’s the ceremonial blade of a samurai warrior.
:'''Rex:'''	Samurai? Awesome.
:'''Six:'''	''[Six unsheathes his own tanto and holds it against Rex’s]'' This is its twin.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Rex removes the cap from his tanto and squints at the symbol etched into the blade]'' Is that... writing?
:'''Six:'''	Bushido symbol of loyalty. It means whether for good or ill, our fates will follow the same path. This one stays with me.
:'''Rex:'''	Think this thing can cut through Holiday’s chocolate cake?
:'''Six:'''	''[Six raises an eyebrow]'' Anything’s possible.
:''[Rex puts the cap back on to the blade and camera cuts to outside of Providence headquarters, panning outward until screen fades to black.]''

===Badlands===
:'''Rex:''' We're facing heavy resistance here! There are too many of them!
:''[Rex imitates gunfire]''
:'''Six:''' Keep this channel clear.
:'''Rex:''' Six, do you really expect us to get to back to Providence by one thousand eight hundred hours in this slowpoke convoy? Just get the cargo, will you? We'd be there by now.
:'''Six:''' Except we're transporting unstable nanites, which have to be kept at or below sea level. Even one wrong bump and the whole thing could go off.
:'''Rex:''' And if it blows, you're in a battle transport. Meanwhile, we're stuck in this delivery truck, carrying whatever. What are we carrying anyway?
:'''Bobo:''' Toilet paper.
:'''Six:''' One, everyone in this mission has a part to play.
:'''Rex:''' Seriously?! Toilet paper?!
:'''Six:''' And, two, we're under strict radio silence. Six out.
:'''Rex:''' Radio silence, convoy security protocols, scheduled bathroom breaks, and they won't even let me drive. So many rules all for what-- Some nanites?
:'''Noah:''' Unstable nanites-- The most dangerous nanites on Earth.
:'''Rex:''' Well, at least there's not an anti-tunes order!
:'''Noah:''' That radio's ancient. You'll be lucky if you can get it to play static. 
:'''Rex:''' Oh, I think I can manage to crank some bass out of it.
:'''Noah:''' Not bad!
:'''Rex:''' What?!
:'''Noah:''' I said, &quot;Not bad!&quot;
:''[Bobo gasps]''
:''[Rex, Noah and Bobo coughing]''
:'''Noah:''' Bobo, slow down! We can't see anything!
:''[Bobo sputters]''
:'''Bobo:''' I got one good eye that's closed half the time, and now you're worried?!
:''[Rex, Noah and Bobo coughing]''
:'''Noah:''' And we lost the convoy.
:'''Bobo:''' Relax, blondie. We'll catch up. That's why they invented speeding.
:'''Gatlocke:''' ''[British accent]'' Good-- They're right on time. What do you think of the spyglass? Am I taking this pirate thing too far? I haven't become cliché, have I?
:'''Gang Punk:''' No, Gatlocke. It fits you.
:'''Gatlocke:''' Oh, good! Because if you'd said, &quot;yes&quot;, I would have thrown you off the cliff.
:''[Gatlocke chuckles evilly]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' No, seriously, I would have. Ladies and gentlemen, the convoy is directly beneath us! Wait. Do we have any ladies in my gang? No ladies? We need to get with the times! Let's see about getting some ladies in the gang. Gentlemen, grab your weapons, charge up the scramblers, and attack!
:'''Providence Agent:''' They're jamming all channels. We're cut off, sir.
:'''Gatlocke:''' Ready the ion-cannon thingumabobs!
:'''Six:''' Fall back! Cover the cargo carriers!
:'''Rex:''' You know what this means, don't you?
:'''Noah:''' We're lost?
:'''Rex:''' No. It means no one is around to tell me I can't drive. Hand over the wheel, Bobo.
:'''Bobo:''' You can't drive!
:'''Noah:''' Radio's broken, so we can't even call for help.
:'''Rex:''' We don't need help. We're not lost. Men don't get lost. We go exploring. And why should you care if I drive? Unless you made some kind of deal with Six.
:'''Bobo:''' You'll have to ask my bank account.
:'''Six:''' Defend the cargo! Don't let them get to the trailers!
:''[Gatlocke humming]''
:''[Gatlocke humming continues]''
:''[Gatlocke grunts]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' As of this moment, the unstable nanites have officially been jacked.
:''[Gatlocke laughs evilly]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' ''[to Six]'' Give me a reason. Give me one good reason.
:''[Gatlocke laughs evilly]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' I'm only kidding! Like I need a reason.
:''[Shoots at Six]''
:'''Six:''' We'll regroup outside the canyon! Get us out of here now!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Sir, they got the cargo.
:'''Six:''' I'm aware the situation. Rex wasn't with the convoy when we we're attacked.
:'''Six:''' Fix the radio and find him. Off all the days to disobey orders.
:'''Rex:''' Pit stop successful!
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:''[Noah grunts]''
:'''Noah:''' This soda is expired.
:'''Rex:''' I know! They were practically giving it away!
:''[Bobo spits]''
:'''Bobo:''' Agh! This tastes like feet-- And not the clean kind!
:'''Rex:''' Fine-- More for me, then!
:'''Noah:''' By now, they must've noticed that you're gone.
:'''Rex:''' No one's going to miss a delivery truck. Hurry up!
:'''Noah:''' Go faster!
:'''Rex:''' Ladies, how's it going today? Yeah, we roll in a big truck. Other guys may flake on you, but me and Noah-- We deliever.
:''[girls laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' Bobo!
:''[Rex, Noah and Bobo shout]''
:'''Rex:''' I think we actually had a chance back there.
:'''Gatlocke:''' Gentlemen, congratulations on a job well done. Your commitment to... Oh, forget it. Open the truck!
:'''Beasly:''' Communications are still down, sir. We can send a cycle for help.
:'''Six:''' No. I want everything available searching the area.
:'''Beasly:''' For the attackers?
:'''Six:''' For Rex. He's not transporting what he thinks he is. Given the circumstances, he should probably know. Let's just hope he didn't get himself lost.
:'''Bobo:''' Okay... I think we might be lost.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa, whoa. Noah gets the wheel? What about me?
:'''Bobo:''' Think about it, soda jerk. My mouth still tastes like week-old socks. Plus, goldilocks has a license, and you don't. But mostly the soda thing.
:'''Noah:''' I think I know where we are.
:'''Rex:''' Don't sweat it. Who's gonna miss a truck full of toilet paper?
:'''Bobo:''' Hey, I've been there-- Ain't pretty.
:'''Gatlocke:''' ''[referring to toilet paper]'' Feel that? It's quilted. This is the good kind. But I won't be able to really enjoy it until I have those nanites!
:'''Gang Punk:''' Gatlocke, I found something.
:'''Gatlocke:''' Something is good.
:'''Gang Punk:''' Our scout took this image when the convoy left the proving grounds.
:'''Gatlocke:''' I like how he framed this shot. See the rock formations in the foreground here?
:'''Gang Punk:''' But this is from the canyon. Where'd the white delivery truck go?
:'''Gatlocke:''' Why are you asking me? I don't know where it went! Fan out! Dig around the desert! Find me that truck! And an Iced Tea!
:'''Rex:''' Noah, you've got to listen to me. Let... me... drive... the... truck!
:'''Noah:''' I don't know.
:'''Bobo:''' The answer is still no!
:'''Noah:''' All right, we're back! This is the right road.
:'''Rex:''' How can you tell? All the roads look the same out here.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Gang Punk:''' Gatlocke, you're not gonna believe what I found.
:'''Noah:''' This canyon-- It'd be the perfect place to spring an ambush.
:'''Rex:''' The nanite transport is gone. Six, can your hear me? Six? Providence, come in.
:'''Six:''' Go ahead.
:'''Rex:''' Connect me to White. Now would be good.
:'''Noah:''' We're sitting ducks here.
:'''Bobo:''' Quack, quack.
:'''Rex:''' Um, I'll call you back.
:'''Gatlocke:''' Allow me to introduce myself! I'm Gatlocke-- Anarchist, struggling businessman, scoundrel. Okay, that's a lie. I'm not 'struggling'. But, lemme ask you! Do you like rules?
:'''Rex:''' Can't say I do.
:'''Gatlocke:''' Me neither. I hate them. It's why me and my men live by the anarchist code. For us, there are no rules.
:'''Gang Punk:''' Excepts no cursing.
:'''Gatlocke:''' ''[hits the Gang Punk]'' True! We're anarchists, not animals. You know what I'm talking about. I feel like we have a connection. We're practically friends! So, if you could do me a favor, it would help me out a lot.
:'''Rex:''' What kind of favor?
:'''Gatlocke:''' I need you to hand over the truck. I mean, I really need you to hand it over-- Now!
:'''Rex:''' This truck? It's not all that great. The radio doesn't work. It handles like a box on wheels. At least, I imagine it does, 'cause someone won't let me drive.
:'''Gatlocke:''' ''[pulls out a knife]'' Please don't play dumb with me.
:'''Rex:''' Dumb? Oh, see, dumb is pulling a blade on me!
:''[Rex pulls out his Smack Hands]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, I like this kid.
:''[Rex growls]''
:'''Rex:''' Get back to the truck!
:''[Rex and his friends run away]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' I have a bad case of EVO envy.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Noah:''' You're risking our lives to save a stupid truck?
:'''Rex:''' It's the principle!
:''[Rex, Noah and Bobo screams]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! They really want that toilet paper!
:'''Bobo:''' They didn't exactly look like poster boys for good hygiene!
:'''Noah:''' Are you sure that's even what we're carrying? I mean, did anyone actually bother to check?
:'''Bobo:''' Don't bother me with the details.
:'''Noah:''' That's definitely not T.P.
:'''Rex:''' We were carrying unstable nanites the whole time.
:'''Bobo:''' We should be fine as long as none of the warning lights are on.
:'''Noah:''' You mean all the red, blinky ones?
:'''Bobo:''' Aw, boy.
:'''Rex:''' Giving us the nanites? What was Six thinking?
:'''Bobo:''' He was thinking that if the convoy was to get attacked, we're better to have the cargo than with you?
:'''Rex:''' Could've at least told us we were carrying something that could blow up.
:'''Noah:''' Whoa!
:'''Rex:''' Glad I'm not driving.
:'''Six:''' We have ten more minutes till Providence starts missing us. When we don't check in, they'll send jets, and coming in blind, there's a good chance we'll get shot down like ours did.
:'''Beasly:''' We're working as fast as we can, sir. Whatever they use completely fried the relays.
:'''Six:''' Then we'll need another option.
:'''Beasly:''' Well, there is one possibility, but it's a little old-fashioned.
:'''Rex:''' Let me take the nanites and zoom out of here.
:'''Noah:''' Didn't you hear Six? They can't go above sea level. One long bump will make them go off.
:'''Bobo:''' Kid's right. They're safer in the isolator back there.
:'''Rex:''' All right, fine. Then we'll just deal with the roadhogs ourselves.
:'''Noah:''' So... Any idea on that?
:'''Bobo:''' I vote &quot;Try not to die.&quot;
:''[Gatlocke laughs evilly]''
:'''Rex:''' Look on the bright side-- The unstable nanites didn't go off.
:'''Gatlocke:''' That's what I love-- An optimist! ''[Hugs Rex]'' I love this kid!
:'''Rex:''' You're insane. Do you realize that?
:'''Gatlocke:''' Me, Gatlocke, insane? Frankly, I don't see it. Just let me have 'em. I'll split the money with you down the middle, 50/40?
:'''Rex:''' Wow, after all that, you're nothing but a common thief.
:'''Gatlocke:''' &quot;Common&quot;? &quot;Common&quot;?! Tear open the truck!
:'''Gang Punk:''' It's no here. Ugh!
:'''Noah:''' That was some escape plan.
:'''Rex:''' It was one of my plans. I have a couple different angles I'm working.
:'''Noah:''' What's your &quot;angle&quot; now?
:'''Rex:''' I've got the unstable nanites right here!
:'''Bobo:''' Ah, this is an improvement.
:'''Rex:''' ''[holding up a can]'' Back off, or I'll send us all to kingdom come!
:'''Gatlocke:''' You wouldn't dare.
:'''Rex:''' Or would I? You say we're a lot alike.
:'''Gatlocke:''' You would.
:'''Rex:''' Unh!
:''[Gatlocke and Gang Punks screams]''
:'''Rex:''' Aw. Quit while you're behind, Gatlocke.
:''[Gatlocke growls]''
:''[Gatlocke growls]''
:'''Rex:''' We're clear. Now, aren't you glad about the soda? Bobo, take the nanites. I'll keep them off your tail.
:'''Gatlocke:''' You should've taken the deal.
:'''Rex:''' You couldn't afford me.
:'''Gatlocke:''' You know what your problem is? You're a terrible businessman.
:''[Gatlocke growls]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, I like that.
:''[Gatlocke grunts]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' Hey! Dude.
:'''Noah:''' I'll radio. Hello? Can anyone hear me? We need a little help here! Anyone?
:'''Bobo:''' ''[taking the communicator from Noah]'' Gimme that! Breaker 1-9, good neighbor. This is Bobo Haha, droppin' the hammer in a superskate. We got bumper stickers on our donkey. Repeat-- Bumper sticker on our donkey! Come on back.
:'''Noah:''' Oh, like that helps. Is that even English?
:''[Gatlocke grunting]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' Don't suppose I could convince you to join me! You could live the life-- No one telling you what to do.
:'''Rex:''' Can you just shut up for longer than a second?
:'''Gatlocke:''' How long was that?
:''[Gatlocke laughs]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' You can pretend to be better, but in the end, you're just like me!
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! There's one big difference between you and me!
:'''Gatlocke:''' And that is?
:'''Rex:''' You can't fly.
:''[The truck goes over a cliff]''
:'''Gang Punk:''' Hmm? Aah!
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Six:''' We intercepted your transmission on the citizens' band.
:'''Bobo:''' See, I told ya.
:'''Six:''' Where are the nanites?
:'''Noah:''' We thought for sure it was gonna go off.
:'''Six:''' It went off.
:'''Rex:''' But you said one wrong bump and it would blow up.
:'''Six:''' I said one wrong bump and it would &quot;go off,&quot; as in &quot;deactivate.&quot; They call them &quot;unstable&quot; for a reason. If it was going to blow up, I would've said so. At least you kept it from falling into the wrong hands.
:'''Gatlocke:''' &quot;The wrong hands,&quot; he says. I'm in a terrible rush. The nanites, pretty please.
:'''Rex:''' All yours. They're worthless.
:''[Gatlocke growls]''
:'''Gatlocke:''' Let's call it a tie. We can finish our conversation later.
:'''Six:''' White Knight will want you back at headquarters for debriefing.
:'''Rex:''' Aren't you going to give us a lift?
:'''Six:''' Drive yourself.
:'''Noah:''' I hate it when Six tries to be funny.
:'''Bobo:''' The monkey should be driving.
:'''Rex:''' You know, now that I'm doing the driving, this truck ain't so bad.
:'''Noah:''' Which way?
:'''Bobo:''' They went that way, back to headquarters.
:'''Noah:''' You're gonna get us lost.
:'''Rex:''' Men don't get lost. We go... Exploring.

===Out of the Dark===
:''Note'': Rex's love interest and sweetheart Circe appears in a vision.

===Payback===
:''[In the realm of Abysus]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Humiliated... De-powered... All but destroyed. Hardly the new world I set out to build, is it?
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, a spy has made contact.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Well?
:'''Providence Spy:''' Everything is in place.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' And the boy?
:'''Providence Spy:''' He's here.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[to his loyal followers]'' Soon our greatest enemy will be buried! Providence itself will be destroyed. And we'll have Rex to thank.
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Who's gonna know?
:'''Noah:''' Yeah. It would only be for a minute or two.
:'''Calan:''' You actually want me to let you fly the keep?
:''[Calan sighs]''
:'''Calan:''' Only until the next course change. And nothing fancy.
:'''Rex:''' All right, let's see what this baby can really do! Why, it wasn't me! Seriously!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Providence Spies:''' Aah!
:'''White Knight:''' Calan, what's your status?
:'''Calan:''' Came from out of nowhere. We're being boarded. Scramble all jump jets. Mobilize for a counter-offensive.
:'''White Knight:''' This is a coordinated attack. Every major Providence outpost around the globe has been hit.
:'''Six:''' So far they've steered clear of headquarters. I'm on route to the keep now.
:'''Rex:''' Are they really that stupid? Attacking the keep with me on board? This should only take a minute.
:'''Noah:''' Wait up!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find Rex. It goes without saying &quot;alive&quot; would be ideal. Take the ship.
:'''Providence Spy:''' Some kind of power surge. We're losing control of the helm!
:'''Calan:''' Find out where it's coming from. Doc, if you'll excuse me--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six?
:'''Six:''' Five minutes out. Prepare for an evac. I'm getting you off the ship.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Again with the Smack Hands? You always open with that move. Change it up a little!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Bobo:''' You see what you get? That's what happens when you interrupt my nap-- Bobo gets cranky!
:'''Rex:''' I learned that the hard way, too.
:'''Calan:''' All hands-- We've got intruders on deck four, five, and six. Get'em off our ship!
:'''Rex:''' Go!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Attention, Providence. The ship is ours.
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! Not even close, Van Kleiss!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Lay down your weapons, and your lives will be spared. Continue to resist and nothing survives.
:'''Rex:''' You've made I made some lame-o moves before, Van Kleiss, but this one-- classic.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Seems you may have run out of tricks. Oh, you had to know it would only be a matter of time. I've had a fair amount of time on my hands these days. ''[Restrains Rex with his gauntlet]''
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Van Kleiss:'''  You took something very precious from me, Rex, and now I'll be returning the favor.
:'''Rex:''' If you want my monkey, you can forget it. 
:''[Van Kleiss starts draining nanites from Rex, causing him to squirm and scream in pain.]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It might come as a surprise that when you stole the nanites that gave my power, you left some of your behind-- Enough to tell me a few of what makes you tick.
:''[Rex tries to summon a build, but nothing happens.]''
:'''Rex:''' Ungh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You'll find that using your powers will be something of a challenge. The nanites that you so special belong to me now.
:'''Biowulf:''' What shall I do with him, master?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I have everything I need from him. I could care less. Secure the rest of the ship.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Do you really think throwing me out that hatch is the best way to get rid of me? Wouldn't it be more fun to throw me in a cage, tie me down in front of a laser?
:'''Biowulf:''' No!
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaaaaah! Wh-o-o-o-o-oa!
:'''Noah:''' What is he doing?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This is no time to fool around, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Happened to notice that ground coming up on his, doc? If you don't do something fast, I'm about to become part of it! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, are you okay?
:'''Rex:''' I think we may have a problem.
:'''White Knight:''' What do you mean &quot;they have the keep&quot;?! Blow it up!
:'''Six:''' We tried. The remote-destruct sequence has been disabled. Van Kleiss has complete control of it.
:'''White Knight:''' Give me some good news.
:'''Six:''' We know where it's heading. Here.
:'''Biowulf:''' This is the commanding officer. We found him attempting to destroy this ship.
:'''Calan:''' What's your game, Van Kleiss?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, a very good question-- One that depends entirely on what happens next, Captain. It seems my powers have made a slight... change.
:'''Rex:''' Well? They're gone, aren't they? Van Kleiss took all my active nanites.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. I found this. Definitely a nanite, but it's unlike anything I've ever seen. Molecular scans seems to indicate it's some kind of control-nanite.
:'''Rex:''' But with nothing to control.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' With a large enough concentration of nanites, we might be able to jump-start it. But even with that, there's no guarantee it would replicate or even give you back the same abilities.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I hate to say it, but this one has me stumped.
:'''Rex:''' Great. Loving this.
:'''White Knight:''' If you're finished with the lost cause, we've got a bigger problem.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, how is this possible?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It would seem Rex's nanites have an opposite effect on me. He cured EVOs. Now I create them. Full ahead-- Ramming speed! Once we're through, we'll destroy Providence from the inside out.
:'''White Knight:''' Lock it down! I want hallways cleared and critical sections defended. They will not take this base.
:'''Rex:''' Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go stop them!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, you're in no condition to fight.
:'''Rex:''' Well, what do you expect me to do-- Hide?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Whatever it takes. That nanite inside you might be able to bring you back, but it's going to take me time to figure out how. And that's not something we have a lot of right now.
:'''Rex:''' Wow. Nice outfit.
:'''Noah:''' Got one for you, too. You get to armor up like the rest of us normals.
:'''Rex:''' Come on.
:'''Bobo:''' All right, where to?
:'''Rex:''' South Pacific.
:'''Bobo:''' That's my boy. And here I thought you'd try to pull some hero stunt. Oh, brother.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I want the White Knight. Find where he's hiding and bring him to me.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That should be everything, as long as the offsite backup holds.
:'''Six:''' Don't let it get to that.
:'''Noah:''' This is a strange place for a base.
:'''Rex:''' When I have too many nanites in me, this is where I go to offload.
:'''Bobo:''' Think of it as a nanite porta-potty.
:'''Noah:''' Thanks... For that image, Bobo. So, we just put some of these nanites in you, and we're good to go?
:'''Rex:''' No. They're inactive. Or at least stripped of their programming. Since I can't control them, I just have to hope that whatever this thing is inside me can't.
:'''Noah:''' So... What happens if it can't?
:'''Bobo:''' Let me put it this way-- The last guy who went swimmin' in that soup ended up a 50-foot freak show.
:'''White Knight:''' Listen to me carrefully, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'd rather not.
:'''White Knight:''' Where are they?
:'''Six:''' The inner perimeter has been compromised. They're coming.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Open it.
:'''Rex:''' Okay. Bobo, set the thing to &quot;vent&quot; and go. If this doesn't work, I don't want you getting caught in the blast.
:'''Bobo:''' No.
:'''Noah:''' Forget it. Rex, at least think about his for a sec. What if it wipes your memory? What it turns you into some evil monster?
:'''Rex:''' My friends need me. There's nothing more to think about. Bobo, do it.
:'''Bobo:''' Long odds, pay big.
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Six:''' You've overstayed your welcome.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, here's someone who would make a nice addition to our EVO ranks.
:'''Six:''' Go ahead and try. Ugh!
:''[Six groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Trying to do my job for me, Six? Here's a thought-- When your top henchman can't even get rid of someone by throwing him out of a moving plane, time to rethink the help.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You are determined-- I'll give you that. If it's what you prefer, I'll finish you myself.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Cool!
:'''Bobo:''' See? I told you it would work.
:'''Six:''' This is an unexpected surprise.
:'''Rex:''' Well, by now, you should expect the unexpected from me, Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Is that what I think it is?
:'''Bobo:''' Not anymore.
:'''Noah:''' You think there might be more of them?
:'''Bobo:''' Eh... Probably.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf growls]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Aaaaaaah!
:'''White Knight:''' I use that electromagnet to trap stray nanites. You're lucky it's on the lowest setting. Any higher, and it would rip the nanites right out of your body.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Then why don't you?
:'''White Knight:''' Because then I wouldn't be able to do this.
:'''Skalamander:''' No one can help you. You're all alone now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. We still have my sister.
:''[Skalamander grunting]''
:''[Rex and Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Rex:''' No way!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:'''Rex:''' Once again, epic fail. I'll take my nanites back now.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Noah:''' Rex, wait!
:'''Bobo:''' Van Kleiss left behind a few presents.
:'''Rex:''' No time to look everywhere. I'm shutting everything down.
:'''Noah:''' You can do that?
:'''Rex:''' Don't know. Never tried. Anything else? No?
:'''Calan:''' Whew! I never want to do that again. No, sir.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Amazing.
:'''Rex:''' Why, thank you.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I was talking about the nanites. That was a risky move, Rex, but it worked. As far as I can tell, you're back to your old self.
:'''Rex:''' I don't know. Something feels different. That new build-- I think I can do even more. It's like I can see the blueprints. I just need to figure out how to put it all together.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight in person. Never thought I'd see the day.
:'''White Knight:''' Well, don't get used to it. We found all the explosives. The base and the keep will need extensive repairs. This was not our finest hour.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? We kicked butt! So what if Van Kleiss is back and more powerful than ever? So am I! If he wants a nanite war, let him bring it!
:''[White Knight laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' It's good to have your back, Rex.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You know, I think he actually means it.
:'''Rex:''' Sure he does. So, tell me something, guys-- What's next?

==Season Two (2011)==
===Rampage===
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you the recap. Thanks to these microscopic machines called nanites, I can build cool gear out of my body. I'm what's called an EVO. But most EVOs aren't lucky like me. They usually look like this. ''[Chuckling]'' I know what you're thinking. And they smell bad, too. There's one other thing I can do that makes me even more special. Some EVOs, I can cure. That's why I work for Providence. We're the people you call when an evo is tearing up your lawn or attacking a city. And the worst of them is this guy-- Van Kleiss. The last time we fought, things got a little out of hand. I'll admit it-- We pretty much got our tails handed to us. He steals the key, wrecks headquarters, hijacks my nanite to get back the powers I took away from him. And now he can actually make people into EVOs. Then, to top it off, he has his dog boy Biowulf throw me, overboard at 6,000 feet. Not that anyone's keeping score. Sure, Van Kleiss may be back, but so am I. So what if he can make EVOs? I can still cure them. He may have new powers, but guess what-- I do, too. Ever since my powers came back, I've got the ability to make amazing new machines. Now I just have to figure out how to build more. If you're trying to check up on me, Six, the answer's still a big fat... ''[imitates buzzer]'' I can't figure out how to make this new build.
:'''Six:''' It might take some time, but you'll get it.
:'''Rex:''' And meanwhile, Van Kleiss is out there doing who knows what. I wish they'd hurry up and get the H.Q. Rebuilt. You're not still living out of your jump jet like some ninja hobo, are you?
:'''Six:''' My temporary accommodations are perfectly adequate.
:'''Rex:''' Yep. Still living in the jet.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I hate being kicked out of our house. Although, as long as they're building stuff, I need a hot tub.
:''[Carmen gasps]''
:'''Carmen:''' Madre! Estas viva! Como puede ser?
:'''Carmen's mother:''' No querida. Soy la prima gemela diabolica de tu madre.
:'''Noah:''' What are you watching?
:'''Rex:''' Cultural enrichment! Later on, we find out if Dr. Suarez chooses Isabel, or her evil half sister, Ana Maria.
:'''Carmen:''' Pero, como va supremivir esto nuesta familia.
:'''Carmen's mother:''' Con mucho dolor, vengaza y arrepentimiento.
:'''Noah:''' If you're gonna stay with me while they're rebuilding Providence, at least don't flaunt the fact that you don't have a pre-calculus test in three days.
:'''Rex:''' Pre-wha?
:'''Noah:''' Exactly my point. And when I agreed to this, I wasn't expecting the sidekick, too.
:'''Bobo:''' Hey, pally, we're a package deal. Live with it.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Noah:''' Was that a toenail? Can I just get hit by a toenail?!
:'''Rex:''' What's your deal?
:'''Noah:''' Aah! Get one in my mouth! Ugh!
:'''Rex:''' Okay, that is gross. Bobo, bad monkey. I thought this would be fun.
:''[Noah scoffs]''
:'''Noah:''' For you, maybe. I'll get a real life, too, you know. As much as I want it to be, it can't be all fun and games all the time, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Why not? Worse for me.
:'''Noah:''' Hey, I like adventure as much as the next guy, but I still have to pass math.
:'''Rex:''' You're not going to fail math. You have like the fourth highest GPA in your class.
:'''Noah:''' It used to be third. 
:'''Rex:''' And ten years from now, nobody's going to care. Hey doc, miss me? Huh? Oh. A situation. Really? Awesome! Nope. I'm not doing anything. Be right there. I'm gonna go pound some EVO into submission. Wanna come?
:'''Noah:''' You're serious?
:'''Rex:''' No. That would be you. Have fun with that math.
:'''Noah:''' Save the world or a chance at a scholarship? All right! I'm coming!
:'''Rex:''' Now see? It's a lot more fun when you just let go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you hold that thing still?
:'''Rex:''' Dibs! That's a whole lot of agents for one EVO, doc.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They weren't here for the EVO. That ship is carrying the new power core for Providence headquarters. This thing just happened to show up when we started to offload it.
:''[Dr. Holiday grunting]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Wh-o-o-o-oa!
:''[Rex straining]''
:'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Did you see the mark? Van Kleiss made that one.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why else do you think I've been trying to get a sample from it?
:'''Rex:''' I don't know-- Just being science-y? Ugh!
:'''Bobo and Noah:''' Yeah!
:'''Rex:''' Does that work for you?
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It'll do. Got it. We can cure it now.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Aah!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Chuckling]'' Unless you like getting thrown around like that.
:'''Noah:''' No hurry. This is great.
:'''Bobo and Noah:''' Ew!
:''[Dock worker grunts]''
:'''Dock worker:''' What hit me?
:'''Rex:''' That would be me.
:'''Six:''' You work here?
:'''Dock worker:''' What do you think, mister? Ahh, my back.
:'''Rex:''' Yep. Sorry. Was trying, you know, not to die. If he works at the dock, that must mean Van Kleiss was here.
:'''Noah:''' Actually, I think he still is.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They're after the power core.
:'''Rex:''' All this for a battery?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not just a battery. It could fuel a country the size of Abysus for a decade.
:'''Rex:''' And it was going to be underneath my room?! Excuse me. Out of the way! Coming through! I was wondering when you and your hair would show up again, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Back to your old self again, I see. And how are those new abilities developing?
:'''Rex:''' Just fine. Thanks for asking. Here's what I bet you're thinking, &quot;did we really think this plan through? Was using some poor dude as a decoy the best move?&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I suppose only time will tell. Not as strong as you thought.
:'''Rex:''' Not yet. That time I really thought I had it, okay? Ohh!
:'''Noah:''' How awesome was that?
:'''Rex:''' What part-- You clobbering Van Kleiss or Van Kleiss clobbering me?
:'''Noah:''' Well, both, actually.
:'''Rex:''' Hold on. I need a second to think of a really good dig.
:''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
:'''Rex:''' Why are you smiling? We just owned you. It's over, Van Kleiss. You lose!
:'''Noah:''' That was the best you could come up with. &quot;You lose&quot;?
:'''Rex:''' That one didn't count. He caught me off guard with the whole smiling thing, okay?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You'd be wise to consider delaying your celebration for the moment, Rex. You're about to have your hands quite full.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, really? And how do you figure that?
:'''Noah:''' Aah!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Here's the part where you must be thinking, &quot;did I think this plan through?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' Noah!
:''[Noah growls]''
:'''Rex:''' Are you nuts?! Stop it!
:'''Six:''' Stand down!
:'''Rex:''' Take it easy, Noah. You're going to be okay. This will all be over in a second. Great. Just great.
:'''Six:''' Go!
:'''Rex:''' Noah, if you can still understand me, when I said you should let things go, this isn't exactly what I meant.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Headache. It should be about balance, you know? Take care of the important stuff, but leave room for a little fun. Right now! Too much fun!
:''[Rex screaming]''
:'''Rex:''' Wh-o-o-o-oa! Everything's fine. Not a problem.
:'''Six:''' If you can't stop him, it's going to be.
:'''Rex:''' You know, Six, you really need to learn to think positive.
:''[Diane Farrah and Reporter gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Stupid grin. It's like it's all just a game to him.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' I know you!
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, uh, thanks, but--
:'''Determined grandmother:''' You're that &quot;tex&quot; kid from Providence.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, Rex. Ma'am, this really isn't--
:'''Determined grandmother:''' I have a bone to pick with Providence. Do you realize how awful it's been?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Rex:''' Funny story, he's actually my friend, so as soon as I can catch him--
:'''Determined grandmother:''' Every single night, someone moves my glasses. I leave them on the nightstand, and when I wake up, they're on the dresser!
:'''Rex:''' Glasses?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' There's got to be an EVO in my house. Some of them only come out  at night, you know.
:'''Rex:''' Uh-huh.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' Now, I keep calling you people, but no one will give me the time of day over there. So, you tell me-- How am I supposed to feel safe when there is an EVO in my apartment?!
:'''Rex:''' Here. First number on speed dial.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' He's eating the cat food, too!
:'''Bobo:''' That friend of yours is a walking disaster. I'm starting to like the kid.
:'''Six:''' We'll get this. Go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me?
:'''Rex:''' A little busy right now, doc.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Then I'll make it quick. The active nanites Van Kleiss create are highly unstable. If Noah isn't cured soon, his condition will be permanent.
:'''Rex:''' How long do I have?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's probably different for each infected person, but I calculate less than an hour.
:'''Rex:''' Noah, you have to listen to me. If I don't change you back, this is not going to turn out well. Please. Let me help you. No! No! Thanks a lot, guys!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Noah, I'm serious! Stop playing around!
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' This isn't a game, Noah! Huh. Maybe it should be. Okay, Noah. I give up! You're it! Better not be another train. All right!
:''[Noah roaring]''
:'''Rex:''' Aw, no.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Well, what do you know? I'm &quot;it&quot; again.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, any luck?
:'''Rex:''' Yep. I got him. Stand by. This isn't going to hurt. I promise.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex?
:'''Rex:''' I'm too late. I don't believe this. My best friend's an EVO forever-- And not even a cool EVO. He's the annoying, breaks-stuff kind.
:''[Noah belches]''
:'''Rex:''' Ugh!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Actually, Rex, it might not be Noah. Your biometrics have flat-lined.
:'''Rex:''' All that running around. He just wore me out. Did you hear that? It's me, not you.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Just give me a minute.
:''[Noah roaring]''
:'''Rex:''' Noah, don't even-- No, no, no, no, no. No! No! I don't believe this. You really need a hobby, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I thought we could settle things without distraction. Here is as good a place as any.
:'''Rex:''' I already kicked your butt once today. Ready to go again?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' The question is, are you? It's hardly a fair fight.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. Then I promised to go easy on you. What? You think I don't have my powers or something? I'm about to give you the pounding of the century! Come on, powers. Please come back! Don't you have anything better to do with your life than come after me all the time?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Funny you should ask.
:'''Rex:''' Doc? How are those biometrics looking now?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Give it a try.
:'''Rex:''' Ah, yeah! It's about time! Machines work. I just hope the important part does.
:'''Noah:''' What just happened?
:'''Rex:''' Do you remember anything?
:'''Noah:''' It all kind of hazy. I mostly remember the feeling of... Fun. And I remember you punching me in the face.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah. Sorry about that. I thought you were trying to eat me. Come on. We've got a rat to catch. Why so happy? Is this the part where breach shows up and rescues you?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, no. This is the part where she takes your inadequately guarded fuel core.
:'''Six:''' Six to post, what's your status? Six to post.
:'''Rex:''' Another decoy?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I should share some of the credit with your friend over here. He played the part to perfection.
:'''Noah:''' Gee, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, this would be the part where Breach shows up.
:'''Noah:''' I can't believe I did all this. Sounds like I had the time of my life.
:'''Rex:''' ''[laughing]'' It almost became your life. Sorry about that.
:'''Noah:''' Are you kidding? Just knowing I was a rampaging EVO is cool. I wish I could have remembered at least some of it.
:'''Rex:''' It's probably all over the news if you want a replay... At least until you stepped on the news van.
:'''Noah:''' Well... ''[Exhales sharply]'' Guess it's back to quadratic equations.
:'''Rex:''' I have no idea what those are. I've got somewhere I need to be. See you later. I know. I'm not supposed to be here. I don't care if it's a construction zone. I'm moving back.
:'''Six:''' It's all right. Turns out you're not the only one who feels that way. You'll get used to the cold showers. Food, you're on your own. From the top?
:'''Rex:''' From the top.
:'''Six:''' What were you trying to build, anyway?
:'''Rex:''' A water jet. Oh, by the way, I need a new cellphone.
:'''Six:''' Yes?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' It's after my glasses again.
:'''Six:''' Glasses?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' This time I am serious. Now, when are you going to send someone out here?
:'''Six:''' Ma'am, I'm...
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' Do you even work for Providence?
:'''Six:''' Yes, I work for Providence.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' What kind of a flimflam outfit is this?
:'''Six:''' How did you get this number?

===Wasteland===
===Tough Love===

===The Lost Weekend===
:'''Kenwyn:''' What did you to Skwydd?
:'''Mouse:''' Just shedding a light light on how dangerous his kind can be.
:'''Rex:''' By juicing his powers? What were you thinking?
:'''Mouse:''' Most inorganic material explodes when given that kind of molecular jolt, but not not nanites. They convert the energy into power that amplifies an E.V.O.'s abilities to tremendously uncontrollable levels.

===Star-Crossed===

===Alliance===
:'''Rex:''' The ends of the earth lie a place so deadly, it was sealed forever from the outside world. Welcome... to the Bug Jar... Where monstrous creatures roam free... Where a faithless ruler seeks to escape  to inflict his wrath upon humanity. But now, the Great Barrier is on the verge of failure... And the hope of all mankind lies in the bravest, most capable hands. And, uh, speaking of hands, you have four. Think you could lend one?
:'''Bobo:''' Whoops.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Guys, what's the status of the shield?
:'''Rex:''' The power regulator is completely trashed, doc. I'll need to control it manually until I can get it started. Mm. Kind of ripe in here.
:'''Bobo:''' That little back door there?
:''[Bobo clears throat]''
:'''Bobo:''' Not the bathroom. More Bug Jar, buddies. I got the last one.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Sighs]'' Fine. Hold this. And whatever you do, do not let go.
:'''Bobo:''' Or what?
:'''Rex:''' Kaboom!
:'''Bobo:''' He will pay.
:'''Rex:''' Okay, little wormie, come to papa. Whoa. Yet even in this forsaken place, our hero runs afoul of his evil nemesis... Van Kleiss. Activating stealth suit. Looks like Van Kleiss decided to crash the party.
:'''Bobo:''' Just like that guy knocked the phone ahead.
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' And he brought his Pack flunkies. Biowulf, Skalamander, Breach. Circe? Gotta hurry. Their headed straight for-- Someplace else. Gonna find out where.
:'''Bobo:''' No way. You're not leaving me here with your--
:'''Rex:''' Sorry. Another call.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, why aren't you fixing that shield regulator?
:'''Rex:''' Hint-- You may remember him from such schemes as destroying Providence headquarters, and trying to take over the entire Earth.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Van Kleiss, in there? You're right. You should investigate, after you fix the shield.
:'''Rex:''' Then it might be too late.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' She's there, isn't she?
:'''Rex:''' Who, Breach? Yeah, but--
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' A quick recon, and that's it. I'll try to buy some time at this end. And I want regular check-ins.
:'''Rex:''' Yep, got it.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Intriguing. An entire divergent branch of EVO development.
:'''Biowulf:''' This place is a waste of our time.
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss knows what he's doing. It's not your place to question.
:'''Biowulf:''' Question?! You dare accuse me of disloyalty?! Hmm.
:'''Circe:''' Sorry. Get a grip.
:'''Rex:''' With no care for his own safety, our brave hero tails his quarry into the very lion's den. Unknown to the villain, he'll be meddling in forces he can't possibly control.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Circe, if you would?
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:'''NoFace:''' Intruders!
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:'''NoFace:''' Who are you?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Someone in a position to help you.
:'''NoFace:''' Follow.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Breach, with me. The rest of you, remain here.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, my place is at your side.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I want no interruptions, Biowulf. Is that clear?
:'''Rex:''' Okay, folks, here's the 4-1-1. VK, NoFace-- Getting cozy. Gonna try to bust it up. That's all I got for now. Over and out.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, don't you dare hang up! I'm a feeling a cramp coming on!
:'''Circe:''' You're right, you know. We should be down there with him. What is he up to, anyway?
:'''Biowulf:''' I... do not know.
:'''Circe:''' You don't know? I thought he trusted you with everything.
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course he does! He just--
:'''Rex:''' Hey! Easy on the stealth suit, which apparently, isn't so stealthy.
:'''Circe:''' Rex?
:'''Skalamander:''' Providence Spy!
:'''Rex:''' Right! Man, got it in one! Yep, we heard V.K. was looking for a new second-in-command.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' What?!
:'''Rex:''' True story. Got it straight from intel. Not surprised, really. That NoFace is one bad dude. Guess Bio-Whelp here ain't cutting it these days.
:''[Biowulf roars]''
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:'''Circe:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Seen it before. First they keep you out of meetings.
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Then the boss chews you out for trying to do your job. Next thing you know, you're taking orders from the new guy, and you're just another hench like Skalamander.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf growls]''
:'''Rex:''' Here comes the moment when our brave hero sweeps the girl of her feet!
:'''Biowulf:''' Don't let him.
:'''Rex:''' Literally!
:'''Circe:''' Hey! Let--
:'''Rex:''' ''[flies off with Circe in his arms]'' See you around, henchie!
:'''Biowulf:''' ''[to Skalamander]'' Follow them!
:'''Circe:''' Down! Now!
:'''Rex:''' Not till we hear each other out!
:'''Circe:''' Sure. I'll go first.
:''[Circe roar echoing]'' 
:''[Breaks the Bogie Pack with a hypersonic burst, causing them to fall]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Oh, great! Way to go, Circe!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Any word from Rex?
:'''Bobo:''' He ain't back, and I'm still holding the bag. Hold on. Rex? That you, pal? Hidin' in plain sight. I hate this place.
:'''NoFace:''' Invaders have come before. They brought only pain.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It is a pain we both share. The same Providence outsides attacked my lands, destroyed my army.
:'''NoFace:''' There was one who tormented us-- Humiliated us. The grower of machines.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ah, Rex. Another thorn we share. My proposal is simple. You control a formidable legion. I, in turn, can provide the escape and the vengeance you seek. I can be your liberator. You can be my general. Together, we will crush our enemies, starting with the one you hate most. Now, then, are we--
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, I have a report.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[Irritated]'' This is a private conversation. Can't you handle the slightest detail without bothering me?
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course, master. It was nothing.
:''[Circe grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Ouch!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' Our hero pursues the girl of his dreams, heedless of her attempts to break his heart.
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Along with the rest of him. Circe! Just give me one minute, okay? Look, no powers.
:'''Circe:''' One minute. But if this is about leaving the Pack--
:'''Rex:''' Please. I'm way past that. There are bigger things going on here than who you hang out with.
:'''Circe:''' Fifty seconds.
:'''Rex:''' I wasn't sent here to spy on you. I'm here to stop these things from ever getting out.
:'''Circe:''' Forty. Why are you telling me this? You know who I am.
:'''Rex:''' You've seen the things that live here. Whatever deal you think Van Kleiss is making, it's going to turn out bad for everyone.
:'''Circe:''' Thirty seconds.
:'''Rex:''' I do know who you are, Circe. Just once think for yourself! Maybe your perfect leader could actually be wrong, maybe even a bit crazy. Nuts! Certifiably insane!
:'''Circe:''' Shut up!
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:'''Circe:''' Twenty. Talk about blinded. Did you ever wonder why Van Kleiss is so interested in you?
:'''Rex:''' Oh, I don't know. Maybe he wants me dead?
:'''Circe:''' Not anymore. Something has changed, Rex. Ever since you got your powers back, I hear him talking. Says you have something that's the key to everything. For whatever reason, he needs you alive. I know it, Rex. He'd never let you be killed.
:'''Rex:''' Never, huh?
:'''Circe:''' Time's up.
:''[Circe grunts]''
:'''NoFace:''' Enough talk! Free us!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You understand I need certain... assurances.
:'''NoFace:''' Assurances? Explain.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' If I free you, will you trust in my leadership and mine alone?
:'''NoFace:''' Leadership must be proven. Show us you can defeat our enemies.
:'''Rex:''' Now, this looks like a party.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rex. You never cease to amaze me.
:'''No-Face:''' Defiler! Give it to us!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now do you believe I can deliver what I say? Will you agree to my leadership?
:'''NoFace:''' We agree to it! Give him to us! Now! Now! Now!
:'''Circe:''' ''[very shocked]'' Van Kleiss, I didn't bring Rex here so you could-- He'll kill him!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Never forget how I found you, Circe. What you were... before. He's yours. 
:''[Tears well up in Circe's eyes; thoroughly horrified that her master would calmly allow Rex's life to be put at risk]''
:'''NoFace:''' You! Bring him to the vestibule!
:'''Rex:''' You have your orders!
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' I'm going to enjoy this.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' You were supposed to finish me off. Now you just get to watch with the other hench bags. Surrounded by the jeering throng, the hero faces certain doom. The heartbreaker looks on. When it's over, she'll regret shunning his advances.
:'''NoFace:''' Now you feel... my pain!
:'''Rex:''' First, a few ground rules. Nothing below the belt, and I have a date on Friday, so easy on the face.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' It's not exactly a problem in your case, having NoFace and all. Huh?
:''[Rex gasps]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' No anchovies on pizza.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' No stripes with plaids.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Termine ser sentados, Por favor!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[weakly]'' Is this what you wanted? 
:''[Collapses from his inquiries, causing Circe to open her eyes]''
:'''Circe''' ''[tearful, pleading]'': Stop this! Please! You need him alive!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Alive-- Yes. Heart pumping, lungs breathing. But his mind? The less that's left of that, the better. Circe, I warn you. Lift so much as a finger to help him, and you're finished!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'll have this trash removed. And now that you've had your fun, it's time to finalize our--
:'''NoFace:''' We will have our full revenge!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It seems we've reached something of an impasse.
:'''NoFace:''' We take orders from no one else!
:'''Rex:''' I'm not driving a wedge between you, Am I?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Well played.
:'''Rex:''' Good news for me. For you, not so much.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Pity we couldn't have worked something out. Breach, if you would?
:''[Van Kleiss sighs]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Looks like the hard way, then.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Huh? His work here finished, the hero does the noble thing. He runs like a thief. Adiós!
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Where the heck have you been?!
:'''Rex:''' You're not still holding on to that, are you? Because it's a good thing-- You know, with the whole... kaboom... Doc, I'm back.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' There you are. Rex, listen to me. If the shield fails, the only solution is a cold reboot of the system. I don't need to tell you what will happen if the thing's in there get out.
:'''Rex:''' Keep your lab coat on. This'll only take a minute. Or maybe not. Doc, do you remember back in the briefing all that stuff you were saying about worst-case scenarios? Yeah, we have a winner. I got nothing.
:'''Bobo:''' Great. 'Cause this situation's not random enough already. Let's throw some raging teen hormones into the mix.
:'''Circe:''' You, Biowulf, even me... We're all just means to an end for him. He doesn't really care about any of us.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, you finally figured that out. Well, better late than never, I guess.
:'''Circe:''' It's not too late, not if I have anything to say about it.
:''[Extends her fleshly and grotesque EVOs mouth]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! There are some of us around here that might not like the sound of whatever you're about to do.
:'''Circe:''' I'll adjust the frequency to exclude friendly EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Does that include me?
:'''Circe:''' For now.
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:''[Uses her melodious, hypnotic singing to call back the EVOs escaping]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa, mama!
:''[Bobo grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' I thought you said you could filter it.
:'''Circe:''' It's not an exact science.
:'''Rex:''' It worked! You're calling them all back! And right towards us! Torn between saving his friends or the world, our hero makes the stupid choice.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Come on, Bobo... Focus! Think bananas! Think how much you hate 'em!
:'''Biowulf:''' Get that thing running.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, you'll need to follow this sequence exactly.
:'''Rex:''' Not no time for that!
:'''Computer''': Shield activation in sixty seconds. Fifty-nine, fifty-eight--
:''[Circe roar echoing]''
:''[Circe groans]''
:'''Bobo:''' Gotcha! Not seeing much of a difference.
:'''Rex:''' We are out of here! You coming or what?
:'''Biowulf:''' I was never here.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Computer:''' Fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
:''[Circe groans]''
:''[Circe grunts]''
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss?
:'''Rex:''' Eh, Breach'll get him out... Eventually. But right now he's in there, you're out here. You'll never have a better time to consider, you know, your options.
:''[Notice the two of them holding hands and let go, blushing]''
:'''Bobo:''' What is it about stealing from our own people that's so dang satisfyin'?
:'''Circe:''' You forgot to remove the tracker.
:'''Bobo:''' Eh, funny that.
:'''Circe:''' I'm not going to Providence.
:'''Rex:''' Doesn't matter where you go. All that matters is that you want to go there. That said... I hear Hong Kong's nice this time of year. And so, the tired warrior journeys homeward-- Crisis averted, world saved, villains vanquished.
:'''Bobo:''' Girl not got. Again!
:'''Rex:''' Do you have to rub it in?

===Robo Bobo===
===Divide By Six===
:'''One''': ''[Speaking through Rex]'' Six.
:'''Six''': One?
:'''One''': You left this place, quit life as a mercenary and so rarely returned to visit.
:'''Six''': I did what I felt was right, I never meant to dishonor.
:'''One''': So rarely, that I never had time to tell you how proud you've made me.
:'''Six''': ''[Takes off his glasses for the first time in the series]'' We're going to help you. We're going to take you home.
:'''One''': But Six, I  am home. ''[Rex falls unconscious while One's body starts changing. Eventually his body dissolves and fertilizes the entire island to its former splendor]''
: '''Six:''' He's still One. He's just one with everything.
===Mixed Signals===
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, big guy! Someone needs to ease off on the cheeseburgers.
: '''Six:''' Skip the insults. Start the containment.
: '''Rex:''' Like its feelings are going to get hurt. One bad and ugly going down. What?
: '''Six:''' Rex? Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Six:''' You want to explain this?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. It's like some weird vision of this thing filled my head, then built itself out of me. Maybe the vision came from Blobbo. Maybe it's trying to talk to me. Come on, big boy. Send me some more pictures. What's on your mind?
: '''Six:''' Groceries. That's what's on its mind.
: '''Rex:''' I'm skipping. I'm over it. That vision must have been a fluke.
: '''Six:''' All right, then. We're going with a two-prong attack. Use caution. This kind of EVO might be a splitter. Rex! Snap out of it!
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Ha! I wasn't supposed to do that, right?
: '''Six:''' Rex, I want you back at HQ.
: '''Rex:''' But I feel okay now. And we've got, um-- Two blobs to put down.
: '''Six:''' Now!
: '''Holiday:''' No trace of any recent electrochemical or DNA abnormalities. Everything reads normal.
: '''Rex:''' But it's like the visions were being transmitted, and I was seeing it from a nanite point of view.
: '''Holiday:''' I can't track it, Rex. There's no sign of signal displacement or a nano disturbance. Maybe we should consider the possibility that this is psychological.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Pizza.
: '''Holiday:''' I think he's having another vision.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Of lunch?
: '''Rex:''' With pineapple and salmon.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Blech! He is nuts.
: '''Holiday:''' Aside from a strange choice in pizza toppings, all readings are normal. I can't explain it.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if my nanites are trying to get me to build something, maybe we should give them what they want.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Whatever it is, I'm not eating it. Is that my electric toothbrush?
: '''Rex:''' It better not be the one I've been using.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Oh.
: '''Rex:''' This is what I'm seeing in my head. As stupid as it looks. It's like someone or something is sending me instructions to build some big device.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Or build a pizza with pineapple and salmon.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. I'm not sure about that vision.
: '''Holiday:''' Is that my hairdryer?
: '''Rex:''' I just need to figure out what it does. Maybe it's a time machine. Or-- Or alien technology!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Maybe it's just a big pile of junk. Or a way to order a really awful pizza.
: '''Contraption Voice:''' Target acquired.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Wake up!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Provindece Soldier #1:''' Hey, where do you think you're going? We've got a security breach. Front floor.
: '''Providence Soldier #2:''' Lockdown protocols enabled. All hands report to duty station. Security speed, take position.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, guys. I might be a little... late.
: '''Caesar:''' Case compression. Release.
: '''Rex:''' Figures I'd build a machine with a serious attitude problem.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[taking off his helmet and turns to Rex]'' Rex, is that you?
: '''Rex:''' Who’s asking?
: '''Caesar:''' It’s me, Caesar, your brother! Mijo! ''[Hugs Rex]'' You're alive and... older. ''[Rex is dumbfounded]'' Uh. Atomic clock was right... ''[spanish accent]'' Es una problema grande.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, yeah. ''[Pushes Caesar]'' It is a big problem.
: '''Caesar:''' What is this place? Who are you people? ''[to Rex]'' I'm getting you out of here!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Sorry, amigo. Put your hands up. Or don't. I got a clear shot either way.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[is looking at Bobo]'' A talking chimp?
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Don't bother. I've heard all the jokes.
: '''Caesar:''' Have they hurt you? Are you okay? Stand aside.
: '''Rex:''' Hello? Do I get a say in this?
: '''Holiday:''' If you're part of some elaborate plan to kidnap Rex, then you failed.
: '''Caesar:''' Listen, bonita, you don't wanna make me use this.
: '''Rex:''' ''[gets in between them]'' Enough! Normally around here when someone barges in talking crazy, they get around into the deck plates by my giant fists. But you seem legit. I'm going with him.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Okay, brother. Lead the way. So if you are my brother, where have you been all this time?
: '''Caesar:''' I'll explain later when we're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, this is Providence. We are safe. Usually.
: '''Caesar:''' Providence? Never heard of it. To be honest, the last five years has been a bit of a blur.
: '''Rex:''' I want to believe you, but I'm gonna need some proof.
: '''Caesar:''' Your name is Rex Salazar. Our parents are Violetta and Raphael. The last time I saw you was at the Applied Nanite Research Lab in Abysus; right before those fools triggered a replication cycle.
: '''Rex:''' And I have total amnesia so, for all I know, that could be completely bogus.
: '''Caesar:''' There's a scar on the back of your left knee you got when you were seven, riding the gantry arm in the reactor annex.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. I always wondered how I got that.
:''[they go out and Rex notices Caesar Salazar's pod laboratory]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. Nice wheels.
: '''Six:''' ''[Comes out and unsheathed his swords]'' Don't even think about it.
: ''[Caesar is about to attack but Rex stops him]''
: '''Rex:''' It's okay. Six isn't going to hurt you. Right, Six? You're comming in a little late on this, but, uh, this is Caesar, my brother, and he wants to get me out of here. So, let's just let my brother have his way and see where this all goes. Wherever you plan on going, they're going to follow us. You know that, right?
: '''Caesar:''' They can try.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. Providence ship are pretty fast.
: '''Six:''' Track Rex's bio signature and find out who that guy really is.
: '''Rex:''' You ain't kidding. This thing moves fast. A-are we in the arctic?
: '''Caesar:''' How do you think I got to your location so quickly once the locator signaled me?
: '''Rex:''' Locator? You sent me the schematics to build that thing? It tried to crush me like a bug!
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, mijo. I wasn't really trying to hurt. ''[scans Rex's body]'' I was looking for what's hiding inside of you. ''[showing Rex the result]'' The Omega One Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' That thing? Holiday discovered it before. We had no idea what it was.
: '''Caesar:''' I sent signal instructions for the Omega One to track and contain. But since the nanite has integrated into your DNA, you became the conduit for building the machine. What I don't get is how the Omega One got inside of you. Rylander was supposed to have that under lock and key.
: '''Rex:''' Rylander? He's the one who put it inside me.
: '''Caesar:''' Why would he do a thing like that? I'm really gonna have to let old fool have it when I see him.
: '''Rex:''' Not possible-- Courtesy of Van Kleiss.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss?! What does that third-rate lab hack have to do with this?
: '''Rex:''' What? I guess I’m not the only one who needs an update. Where have you been?
: '''Caesar:''' It's a long story-- actually, short by my clock. A splinter group had formed at the lab. They had other ideas about how the nanites would be used. We tried to stop them, and you were hurt. The only way to save your life was an infusion of nanites. It was risky, but it worked. We thought that'd be enough to stop the others, make them see the right path. But we were wrong. Mom and Dad were in the reactor. As for me, I managed to escape in my lab. But the shock wave, the same shock wave that probably blanked your memory.... also interfered with engine that powers this pod. I was stuck in sub-light drive.
: '''Rex:''' How long?
: '''Caesar:''' Fifteen minutes. That's how long it took me to reboot the system. But at the speed I was going, it was 5 years of your time. I knew there was an accident, but I had no idea how bad. My nanite sensors were off the charts. My 1st priority was to insure the OM-1 was safe. That was our promise. And here we are. So, what have I missed these past five years?
: '''Rex:''' Providence? We need to talk. They can wait.
: '''Caesar:''' So let me understand, there are EVOs and Van Kleiss claimed as their leader?
: '''Rex:''' Well, not for all of them, yet. I want to know about me, about our parents.
: '''Caesar:''' They were scientists. We lived all over the world. Things settled down when you came along. That was in Geneva.
: '''Rex:''' Wait a second. Are you saying I'm Swiss?
: ''Caesar:'' Not really. Mother was born in Mexico City. Father in Buenos Aires.
: '''Rex:''' And they're really... gone? ''[Caesar slowly nods sadly]''
: '''Rex:''' Um, where exactly did this ship take us?
: '''Caesar:''' What do you know?We're back at the original lab site.
: '''Rex:''' You mean the one in Abysus?
: '''Caesar:''' Is that a problem?
: '''Rex:''' I'd say just a small one. We should go, like now.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[typing]'' Hmm... Must be low on charge.  ''[walks out the door]'' We may be stuck, but on the bright side, I can take a look at some of these variegated organisms. ''[goes out]''
: '''Rex:''' Caesar! Wait!
: ''[outside and observing the EVOs]''
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating. We theorized mutations might occur but never anything this random.
: ''[Rex hits the EVO before they got near Caesar]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, bro, but these guys--
: ''[Rex hits another EVO]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Usually don't sit still for questions.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[seeing Rex's new build]'' Hmm... That's new.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Guess I've learned a--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' A few tricks. But they still won't be enough if Van Kleiss shows up with all his goons. Six!
: '''Six:'''We're locked onto you. The keep is already on its way.
: '''Rex:''' Your ship may be out of juice, but I'm not. Hop on. I can get us out of here.
: '''Caesar:''' I won't leave my lab, and you definitely don't want Van Kleiss getting his hands on some of the things in here. I'll try to reroute the capacitors to an alternate power source.
: '''Caesar:''' Oh, you wanna see a photo of you, me, and papi? Maybe later.
: '''Rex:''' You're a little off, aren't you, Caesar? 
: '''Biowulf:''' What was that machine it flew off with?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' A laboratory. One I thought I'd never see again. It seems an old friend has returned-Caesar.
: '''Rex:''' Providence isn't so bad now, eh, hermano?
: '''Caesar:''' Is this a Grinnell? They always made good consoles, except for the random power surges.
: '''Six:''' Well?
: '''Rex:''' Everything's cool. He's a little kooky, but I'm pretty sure he's my brother.
: '''Six:''' Glad to hear it. Now I need you back. We still have some unfinished business.
: '''Rex:''' Got to get back to work.
: '''Caesar:''' My little brother, the hero. I remember when you just wanted to be a musician.
: '''Rex:''' Guitar? No, wait drums.
: '''Caesar:''' Accordion.
: '''Rex:''' You got to be kidding me!
: '''Six:''' As I recall, you started it.
: '''Rex:''' Huh?
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Six:''' The EVO is dividing faster than we can contain it. The city is being evacuated.
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Excuse me, admiral. I need you to take me down there immediately. Afraid I'll have to insist.
: '''Six:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Are you crazy?!
: '''Caesar:''' Depends on who you ask. I had something in my lab that I thought could help.
: '''Six:''' Help? You're not even supposed to be outside the keep.
: '''Rex:''' WHOO-HOO! Way to go, bro! First day on the job, and you already got a save!
: '''Six:''' Job?
: '''Rex:''' Oh, come on, admit it, Six. He just saved our chicharrones.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? What's so funny?
: '''Caesar:''' You always make me laugh when you try to speak Spanish.
: '''Holiday:''' We've pulled his records, and I've confirmes his DNA. It seems Rex really does have a brother.
: '''White Knight:''' If everything I've read about him is true, he could be an incredible asset to Providence.
: '''Six:''' Or a major liability.
: '''White Knight:''' All the more reason to keep him with us. Give him whatever he needs.
: '''Holiday:''' White's right, Six. He knows more about nanites than anyone on the planet. He helped invent them.
: '''Six:''' My point exactly. He's settling in?
: '''Rex:''' I guess so. Caesar's a little strange. Hard to believe he's actually my brother.
: '''Six:''' I'm happy for you, Rex. You always said you wanted to find your family.
: '''Rex:''' Thanks, but... You know that? I already did. Caesar may be my brother, but you, Holiday, Bobo, you're who I have a connection with.
: '''Bobo:''' Aww, now, see, I'm getting all misty.
: '''Caesar:''' There you are. Hmm. Nice view. Say, mijo, you think your cafeteria could whip up a pizza with pineapple and salmon? I've been craving one for days.
: '''Bobo:''' Connection, huh?

===Outpost===
:'''Alvarez:''' Did you hear that? Aah!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Alvarez!
:'''Valentina:''' He will be fine in a few hours.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Drop it.
:'''Valentina:''' I was planning to.
:''[Alvarez grunts]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' They are free.
:'''Valentina:''' Muy bueno. Providence is now at war with the Green Fist!
:'''Rex:''' Come on, doc. Are you serious? Another one? Ouch!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Oh, this is really necessary.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The rainforest is rife with diseases, poisonous insects, and worse. I don't want you coming down with anything.
:'''White Knight:''' Is he ready to go?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' As ready as he'll ever be.
:'''Rex:''' He's wondering how come Six doesn't have to get a shot if he's also going?
:'''White Knight:''' Six is still in New Zealand, dealing with a... Small problem.
:'''Rex:''' Oh sure. Let him deal with the small stuff. While I do all the hard work.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[to Rex]'' We don't have time to wait for him. You're going solo.
:'''Bobo:''' Hey! Where he goes, I go.
:'''White Knight:''' Like I said-- Solo. Now, this Green Fist group have been stealing EVOs all over South America. We believe they will hit Corazon de Selva next.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The Providence station there has just captured a large batch of EVOs in the jungle.
:'''Rex:''' Bobo and I are ready to roll.
:'''White Knight:''' Be careful. For all we know, the Green Fist could  be selling EVOs to Van Kleiss.
:'''Bobo:''' I'm ready for carnival! Let's party!
:''[White Knight clears throat]''
:'''White Knight:''' The situation down there is... complex. I need both of you to handle the mission quietly and with diplomacy.
:'''Rex:''' I can be diplomatic. Oh, by the way, you might want to think about switching to low-fat, White. Starting to look at little... Jowly.
:'''Bobo:''' Better leave the diplomacy to the small one.
:'''Rex:''' This is the town?
:'''Bobo:''' Something tells me they're not in the mood to party. Maybe a knock-knock joke would lighten things up?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You must be Rex.
:'''Rex:''' You're Agent Martrello?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You may call me &quot;Oso&quot;, my friend.
:'''Rex:''' White Knight said to send his regards.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Maybe he could come visit sometime, get some sun, see what it's like on the front lines nowadays? ''[laughing. Then to Bobo]'' This must be the monkey. He does tricks? Hello, señor Bobo.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[puts his palm to Oso's mouth]'' That's &quot;Agent Haha&quot; to you, buddy.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Come. The station is not fair.
:'''Bobo:''' Doesn't anybody mow the grass around here?
:''[Oso Maretelo chuckles]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Often. But the jungle can only be kept at bay, not subdued.
:''[Oso Maretelo grunting]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' There we go.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Apologies. The air-conditioning is down again.
:'''Bobo:''' Makes our place look like the penthouse suite.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' But who needs air-conditioning? We're here to work! The kennel is this way. Most of these EVOs we brought in last week from deep in the jungle. A tempting target for the Green Fist.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa. It's packed in here! What are you gonna do with all of them?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' The big ones are shipped to larger facilities, like yours. These smaller ones stay here. They're really quite harmless, but the world wants EVOs captured, so we keep them. Oh, careful! This EVO is not like the rest. Took down six of my agents before we caught it.
:'''Rex:''' Is it really tiny or something?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' That's strange. He was here this morning, he can't have escaped. Aah!
:'''Bobo:''' Peekaboo.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Aah!
:'''Bobo:''' Yah!
:'''Rex:''' You all right there, buddy?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' I think you've both earned that cold drink you wanted.
:'''Rex:''' See? This gig isn't so bad. Cold drinks, fringe benefits.
:'''Bobo:''' It's on the fringe, all right, but I don't see the benefit.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Drink, Agent Haha. Horchata, the rice milk, is good for you. Besides... It's all they serve here.
:'''Rex:''' I think it's pretty good, but how come we can't get any service?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' We're Providence. All they know is when there's trouble, Providence is there. Our relationship with them is, uh, complex.
:'''Rex:''' Complex? We protect them from EVOs. You know, this calls for a little diplomacy.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother.
:'''Rex:''' Excuse me.
:'''Waitress:''' ¿Sí?
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Uh...
:''[Waitress chuckles]''
:'''Waitress:''' You don't look like the usual Providence soldiers.
:'''Rex:''' That's 'cause I'm not. Name's Rex. Maybe you've seen me on the news?
:'''Waitress:''' No.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, what's that?
:'''Waitress:''' The horchata anejo. It's aged. Muy sabrosa.
:'''Rex:''' I'll take a pitcher of that.
:'''Waitress:''' We only make one pitcher a night. They have it.
:'''Rex:''' Hey, mind if I try some?
:'''Valentina:''' It's too strong for you, gringo.
:'''Rex:''' Gringo? So Mexicano!
:'''Valentina:''' Y tambien eres Providencia. Okay. Let's see if you can handle it.
:'''Rex:''' Gracias.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex gulps]''
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! That's good! Smooth!
:''[Rex gagging]''
:''[Oso Maratelo laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[after taking a drink]'' I don't get what makes it so special.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' It's made from rice that's passed through the digestive system of a monkey.
:''[Rex spits his drink]''
:''[Valentina growls]''
:''[Biruta grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:''[Woman gasps]''
:''[Woman grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Woman:''' Aah!
:'''Old Man:''' Aah!
:'''Man:''' Aah!
:'''Biruta:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I can't use my EVO powers against them! I don't want to hurt these people!
:'''Bobo:''' I wish they felt the same about us!
:'''Rex:''' Oso, you know how to use one of those?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' The lariat? Oh, yes. I grew up roping steer on my Uncle's Rancho.
:'''Bobo:''' Rex!
:'''Biruta:''' El es un EVO!
:''[Valentina sighs]''
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' So, what do you think of that? Aah!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Waitress:''' ''[tossing Rex, Bobo and Martello out the bar]'' You are like the other Providence agents-- Bad for business!
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' This is where diplomacy gets you, my young friend. Now, are you up for a stakeout?
:'''Bobo:''' Not me! I'm out of with this town and these ungrateful people. I'm going home.
:'''Rex:''' But, Bobo, we need you for a special undercover mission?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Please, Agent Haha. You are the key to the entire operation.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, yeah? Well, you could have said that before.
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:''[Bobo grunting]''
:'''Biruta:''' Quiet! I'm trying to free you from Providence!
:'''Bobo:''' I am Providence, dummy.
:''[Biruta grunts]''
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' These toys of yours-- They're for children!
:''[Biruta grunts]''
:''[Valentina grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Who're you working for?
:''[Valentina grunts]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' You?! Horchata girl?! What do you think you're doing?!
:'''Valentina:''' I'm feeding all your prisoners, creep!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Aah!
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa!
:'''Rex:''' Scratch marks? Weird. What the heck did this?
:''[Valentina screams]''
:'''Valentina:''' Huh? Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Take a number! I have business with the señorita first. Aah!
:''[Valentina grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Aah!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Bobo:''' Hyah!
:'''Valentina:''' Aah!
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, and stay down!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Rex, you okay?
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I feel... fine. I hope Holiday gave me a shop or whatever that was.
:'''Valentina:''' For the last time, we don't work for Van Kleiss! The Green Fist fights for the EVOs who cannot fight for themselves. We set them free-- Nothing more.
:''[Bobo snorts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Just what we need-- Humans for ethical treatment of EVOs.
:'''Valentina:''' Ugh! We were returning them to their natural habitat! What Providence does is wrong and against the natural order of things! ''[to Rex]'' You're a traitor to your own kind!
:'''Rex:''' That thing you set free-- It's natural order is to exterminate mankind! It wanted to kill you! Your men are dying because of it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I wish I had better news.
:'''Rex:''' Thanks anyway, doc. We'll call with updates.
:'''Bobo:''' What did she say?
:'''Rex:''' The nanites in my system are fighting off the toxin, but that's only slowing it down. We need to make an anti-toxin, or-- or...
:'''Valentina:''' Or se va a morir!
:'''Bobo:''' In English! In English!
:'''Rex:''' It's doing to me what it's done to Valentina's men. If we don't get the anti-toxin soon, they'll die, and, eventually, I will, too.
:'''Bobo:''' Think I liked it better in Spanish.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' If I can get a blood sample of that EVO with this, it'll beam its DNA sequence back to Holiday and she'll be able to instantly synthesize an anti-toxin.
:'''Rex:''' I want to go.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You're sick.
:'''Bobo:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I'm better equipped than any agent you have, and you know it.
:''[Oso Maretelo sighs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Very well. You'll come with me and a team of my best men.
:'''Valentina:''' You're killing him if you do that. Listen, you need me, Providence man. I know that jungle better than anyone. Your big, noisy party will alert that EVO. You won't get within a mile of it. My men are dying, too. Let me free!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You think I'm going to let you just walk out of here alone?
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm going, too.
:''[Bobo grunting]''
:'''Bobo:''' Aah!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Anything yet?
:'''Rex:''' Nothing.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Rex, once you get the sample of the EVO's blood for the anti-toxin, I'll pick you up in the jump jet. White Knight wants you sticking to his orders, nothing more-- Capture the EVO and bring back the prisoner.
:'''Rex:''' Gotcha.
:'''Valentina:''' Orders? Prisoners? You wonder why we're suspicious of Providence.
:'''Rex:''' We're protecting people. What we're doing is good. I believe that.
:'''Valentina:''' You think I don't believe in what I do? Who decides who's right-- Your White Knight?
:''[Bobo snoring]''
:'''Rex:''' All we found out here are goats from the village-- At least what's left of them.
:''[Rex groans]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Valentina:''' You all right?
:'''Rex:''' I'm fine. Let's just hope this trap works.
:''[Bobo snoring]''
:'''Bobo:''' ''[to the creature]'' Hey, pal, didn't anybody tell you the trap's over there? Aah!
:'''Valentina:''' We've caught him!
:'''Bobo:''' No! You caught me! Big difference!
:'''Rex:''' Aaah! That's it. No more running. Hyah! Ahh! Okay, time for more running!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Ahh!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Adiós! Aah!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' The toxins are breaking down my nanites!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Valentina:''' Over here! Come and get me!
:'''Rex:''' Don't! It'll kill you! :'''Valentina:''' You're too ill to fight it!
:'''Rex:''' Look, put down the flower basket and trust me.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' On my signal. Come on. Don't you want a nice Rex burger for breakfast? Not yet. Not yet. Now!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Valentina:''' You caught it. You've saved my men.
:'''Rex:''' We caught it... Together. First my cure... Now his. I don't believe it. This thing... It isn't an EVO.
:'''Valentina:''' The fangs, the toxin... The goat! Of course! How could I have been so blind? This animal is a chupacabra!
:'''Rex:''' Chupacabra? Isn't that a myth, like bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster?
:'''Valentina:''' I thought it was only a legend, too.
:'''Rex:''' Providence must have come blundering onto its home turf and captured it.
:'''Valentina:''' So... What will you do?
:'''Rex:''' Only one option, as far as I see it.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Go on. Get! Get!
:'''Valentina:''' There are things in this jungle stranger than EVOs and older than man.
:'''Rex:''' Well, as long as they stay here, we won't have anymore problems. Doc, did the sample beam through okay?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm synthesizing the anti-toxin right now. It'll be at the base by the time Oso picks you up.
:'''Rex:''' He'll be here soon with the jump set. You better get going.
:'''Valentina:''' Your orders were to bring me back.
:'''Rex:''' I don't always follow orders.
:'''Valentina:''' Thank you. This still doesn't make up for spitting the horchata in my face.
:'''Bobo:''' Ooh, slick. If it was me, I would have kissed her.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' The anti-toxin will have you back to normal within the hour. Now, what happened with the woman?
:'''Rex:''' She, uh, got away.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' I see. You're learning, my friend. It's complex. A woman like that-- It makes our problems with EVOs seem simple, no?
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Safe journey, my friends. I hope to see you again.
:'''Bobo:''' That makes one of us.
:'''Waitress:''' Wait! For your trip!
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Gracias. How'd I earn this?
:'''Waitress:''' I heard what you did. The chupacabra-- It stole my abuela's goat. Providence is going to buy her a new one. Thank you.
:''[Waitress smooches]''
:'''Bobo:''' Hey, if that's all it took to make you happy, we would have run off with the goat when we first came to town. Aah! Aw! Some thanks!

===Haunted===
===Moonlighting===
===Without a Paddle===

===Written in Sand===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I need an uptade.
:'''Rex''': I'm right at the edge. Anything still alive in there is trying to get away from the sandstorm.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's not the storm they're running from. The nanites inside them are forcing the animals away. It's creating a kind of nanite-free zone.
:'''Rex''': Ha! We should call White Knight. Maybe he'll move here and leave us all alone.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's no laughing matter, Rex. It could be the most significant development since the original nanite event.
:'''Rex''': Yeah, yeah. Possible cures save the world-- Got it. I'll check it out.
:'''Bobo''': Hey, doc. You may wanna get a load of this over here.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Negative. The storm is moving in too fast. Just place a sensor and pack it in.
:'''Rex''': Hey. No. It couldn't be. Rex to base. We got trouble of the egomaniacal EVO kind.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Van Kleiss is here? Why am I not surprised?
:'''Rex''': I think the real question is, if everything else is in such a race to get out, why is he going on? 
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, wait.
:'''Rex''': Don't worry, doc. It's me. What could possibly happen?
:'''Skalamander''': RARGH! PTUH! They're nothing but dirt.
:'''Biowulf''': My senses-- Useless in all this sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': This phenomenon deserves my personal attention. What we seek is nearby. I can feel it pushing against me.
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex emerges from the sand storm]'' Yeah?
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex kicks Skalamander]'' How about kicking against you, too?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Rex! You're not welcome here.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Now, that hurt my feelings!
:''[Rex groaning]''
:''[Skalamander pins him to the sand, causing him to groan in pain]''
:''[Skalamander laughs]''
:'''Rex''': Aaah! Whoa!
:'''Van Kleiss''': If I never see your face again, It will be too soon!
:'''Rex''': Yeah? The feeling's-- Whoa! Mutual!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex? Rex, do you read me?
:''[Bobo coughing]''
:'''Bobo''': Okay, we gotta get outta here. I got sand in places I didn't even know I had places.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, if you can hear me, we're retreating to the safe zone. Rendezvous with us there.
:'''Rex''': AAAAH! WHOA-OHHHHHHH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex coughs]''
:'''Rex''': Okay, Kleiss-- Go time! No EVO allies, just you and-- Whoa! Uh, sorry, buddy. Didn't mean to bring you along for the ride.
:'''Van Kleiss''': I don't need my EVO allies, when I can simply make more.
:'''Rex''': Don't get me wrong-- I love punching stuff. But anything you can do, I can undo better! We can do this all day. Or you can just spill it.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': Why are you causing this nanite-free zone?
:'''Van Kleiss''': How convenient it must be to make me the root of all evil. I'm not causing it. I've come to discover the source and destroy it.
:'''Rex''': This could be the cure to nanites.
:'''Van Kleiss''': And I live off nanites. What Providence calls a cure, I call death.
:'''Rex''': Really? Haven't we moved past this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Huh?
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:''[After Van Kleiss creates a scorpion EVO to attack Rex, it attacks him instead.]''
:'''Rex''': That is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Hang on-- I got to get this on video. ''[Takes out cell phone and starts recording Van Kleiss dodging the scorpion EVO.]''
:''[Van Kleiss panting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Something's wrong. I should be controlling this creature.
:'''Rex''': Stinks to be you. Huh? You ruined my shot!
:'''Van Kleiss''': I believe we've found something more interesting.
:'''Rex''': You like to point out the obvious, don't you?
:'''Bobo''': Don't get me wrong-- I love the kid, but if we don't pull stakes now, we'll be combing dust outta all sorts of places for years.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Too late. Hold on to everything that's not tied down. This is going to be a bumpy... ride.
:'''Six''': Holiday? I trust you're all right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I'm fine, Six. But Rex is still out there-- With Van Kleiss. I can't reach him.
:'''Six''': We'll prep a rescue party. Prepare to come aboard.
:'''Rex''': Hey!
:'''Van Kleiss''': This is not simply a nanite-free zone. Something is stealing the nanites from our bodies. If we linger here too long, we may both find ourselves defenseless against the other.
:'''Rex''': Well, then, we'd better blow this joint. And when I say &quot;we&quot; I mean &quot;me&quot;.
:''[Rex tries to escape and fails]''
:'''Rex''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': If either of us is to escape this place, we will have to work together.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': What exactly are you suggesting?
:'''Van Kleiss''': A temporary truce.
:'''Rex''': An extremely temporary truce.
:'''Van Kleiss''': We'll work our way to the center of the nanite storm.
:'''Rex''': No, we work our way out of the nanite storm and get Providence in here to figure out what's happening.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Providence? They can't be trusted.
:'''Rex''': Them? Didn't you try to take over New York? And Europe? And the world?
:'''Van Kleiss''': You need to listen to me, Rex. Without a powers, you're nothing but a child.
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah? Truce over! Okay. This is awkward. Hey, is it just me, or are you getting really dust?
:'''Van Kleiss''': It's happening faster than I thought.
:'''Rex''': What's happening faster? If you know something, you'd better spit it out, or-- Whoa! It all looks fossilized. Like it's made completely out of... sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Not only are there no nanites here, this is pure silicone. There are no other elements-- No carbon, calcium, hydrogen. It appears that this zone not only destroys nanites, but is--
:'''Rex''': Squeezing the life from the Earth. This isn't sand. This is me!
:''[Rex whimpering]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': These glyphs-- There's something familiar about them. Sumatran? Mesopotamian?
:'''Rex''': Less geeking, more escaping!
:'''Van Kleiss''': We need to find the epicenter of this maze. These glyphs may hold the answer.
:'''Rex''': Only if one says &quot;exit sign.&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss''': No need to panic, Rex. We have at least twenty minutes before fossilization-- Give or take.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Don't panic&quot;-- Says the guy who used to be dirt.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Rex''': We're turning into walking litter boxes, and you're checking out caveman graffiti? No wonder I'm always kicking your butt.
:'''Van Kleiss''': You don't have an investigative bone in your body, do you? So strongheaded-- Just like your mother. ''[Rex is silent]'' No, you don't like that, do you-- That I know more about you than you do?
:'''Rex''': Skip the head games. Isn't exactly a good time.
:'''Van Kleiss''': No, but perhaps it is time for some truth. We may perish down here, Rex. Ask me anything you want about the past, and I'll answer it.
:'''Rex''': ''[looks at his own slowly fossilizing body]'' Sell it somewhere else. I'm not buying.
:''[walks away]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, so the great and powerful Providence has finally come through on their promise to help you remember your past.
:'''Rex''': Something better-- Someone who was actually there at the Nanite Event.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Aha. Your brother, Caesar.
:''[Van Kleiss chuckles evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've been following you both very closely since his... miraculous reappearance. Even if you don't want to hear what I have to say, this one's for free. Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': ''[creates his BFS and holds it at Van Kleiss' throat]'' What are you getting at?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, no, no. That's not how this works. It isn't my turn. Quid pro quo, Rex. If you want to know more-- Why don't we start with something simple? Rylander's Omega Nanite. I know it's inside you.
:'''White Knight''': Status uptade?
:'''Six''': Still no fix on Rex. Scanners can't cut through the storm, so we're moving in to stage a recon.
:'''White Knight''': I will not risk everyone on board that ship for one agent. Not even that agent.
:''[Holiday subtly ends the call. Then to Six]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Whoops. Guess the satellite feed went down. Nasty sand.
:''[Six smirks]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Caesar? Wanted you to know we haven’t found him yet.
:'''Caesar''': Found who?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex.
:'''Caesar''': Right. Ah. Sorry. That was, uh, fifteen minutes ago. I've done about five hundred task since then. Try calibrating the keep's sensors to search for traces of Selenium. It's something Rex naturally gives off, like dandruff.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I-- Really? Hmm. Okay, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss''': So what you're saying is, the motor runs off of gravity and the only exhausts are atoms of selenium.
:'''Rex''': Now you. Squid Pro... Whatever. The nanites, the Event. What started all this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': He didn't tell you? I'm not surprised. It was Caesar.
:''[Rex pushes Van Kleiss to nearest wall and take out his BFS once again]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Wasteful, Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're lying!
:'''Van Kleiss''': Hardly. Your brother is responsible for the most significant catastrophe in human history. You have to admit that as brilliant as Caesar is, he's... not quite right. Am I telling you something that you haven't already noticed?
:''[Rex groans]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': HAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss coughing]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': You seem to have awoken some sort of defense mechanism.
:'''Rex''': What are they defending? Rocks?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Before we're totally devoid of nanites, we need to end this now-- Together.
:'''Rex''': Back to back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': What?
:'''Rex''': Haven't you ever read a comic book? Back to back! No way. These markings-- They're not hieroglyphics. They're circuit boards. This whole cave, this valley-- It's one giant circuit board. These are data conduits-- Ms. Hubs!
:'''Van Kleiss''': You're right. These spirals are solid-state storage-- The standard design for a firewall in a CPU.
:'''Rex''': Did you just say I'm right? Now that I know what we're dealing with, it's a simple matter of-- Hacking in. This is malo-- Muy malo. Van Kleiss, meet the psycho computer who calls herself--
:'''Van Kleiss''': Zag-RS?
:'''Rex''': How do you know that? ''[Zag-RS notices them and attacks them]'' You know Zag-RS? How?
:'''Van Kleiss''': She was designed as a decontamination program at the original nanite laboratory. Her task was to destroy any rogue nanites that escaped from the holding tanks.
:'''Rex''': She did a great job. Whoever designed her should be taken out and beaten with a tendril.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Caesar designed her.
:'''Rex''': I'm gonna have to have a chat with my brother when this is over.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Focus, you fool. If we're to survive this, we have to use whatever nanites we have left to shut her down.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': No problemo! Ah, come on! Stay up! Show off!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Well, this bites.
:''[Rex straining]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Didn't I leave you in orbit? Shouldn't you have burned up in re-entry or something?
:'''Zag-RS''': Re-entry resulted in a hard desert landing. This unit faced complete system failure. Salvation came from integration with the host space station power cell, where new initiatives were established.
:'''Rex''': Turning the world into a sandbox?
:'''Zag-RS''': Correct. The prevention of organic infection by elimination of organic matter and securing the Earth core system. Soon, this world will function without flaw.
:'''Rex''': Van Kleiss! Change of plan! While, I've got Zaggy occupied, you go and warn Providence before it's too late!
:'''Van Kleiss''': There's no time. Her strength is growing exponentially. To achieve victory, you must trust me.
:'''Rex''': Trust you?! That's comedy gold! Even if I was that big of a doof, neither one of us had enough power to fight back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': That's not entirely true.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've not been completely honest with you.
:'''Rex''': Stunned-- Really.
:'''Van Kleiss''': The Omega Nanite within you has a self-replicating program. You can create your own nanites.
:'''Rex''': What?! Why didn't you tell me!
:'''Van Kleiss''': A calculated emission.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': No way.
:'''Van Kleiss''': There-- That is the heart of Zag-RS. Strike while you can!
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah! Now we're talking! Normally, I don't fight girls, but this time I'll make... A big... giant... robot exception!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I found him, Six-- twenty kilometers northeast. There's a huge spike in trace selenium.
:'''Six''': Charge all weapons.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The storm's starting to break. But please don't crash.
:'''Rex''': YAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': That's not fair! It worked in the movie!
:''[Rex whimpers]''
:''[Rex groaning]''
:'''Rex''': AAAH!
:'''Zag-RS''': You have miscalculated, human. The more nanites you replicate, the more energy you supply me. 7.5 seconds until I overtake your production.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Zag-RS''': 4.3 seconds.
:'''Van Kleiss''': AAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Rex''': YAAAAAAH! One psycho robot down, one supervillain to chicken! Finally!
:'''Bobo''': What, you never heard the term &quot;fashionably late&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Your nanite-replicating function seems to be working well. Most of Zag-RS' alterations have been expunged.
:'''Rex''': Meaning... What?
:'''Bobo''': You ain't gonna wash away at high tide.
:'''Caesar''': This is my design.
:'''Rex''': Great-- My brother created Zag-RS.
:'''Caesar''': Evidently. Though her evolution into some sort of sentient nanite-slayer is most curious.
:'''Six''': Curious?
:'''Rex''': What about what Van Kleiss said?
:'''Caesar''': You mean I'm to blame for the original nanite event? Why don't we ask her? Wait! Interface protocols. Code designate Zag-RS. Respond.
:'''Zag-RS''': Dr. Salazar. Good morning. How may I assist you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Stand down, gentlemen. Zag-RS has been successfully rebooted. But her memory has been wiped clean.
:'''Rex''': What? You got to be kidding me!
:'''Caesar''': That's interesting. Hmm. Van Kleiss must have implemented a program dump before he left you. It's the only logical conclusion.
:'''Rex''': Program dump?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': Great. So now all we've got is a lame decontamination program with a GPS lady's voice?
:'''Caesar''': GPS lady? Hardly.
:'''Rex:''' I was making a joke.
:'''Caesar''': Don't you recognize it? When I programmed her, I wanted a voice that meant safety, protection, caring. Rex, this is our mother's voice.
:'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' Mama?

===Night Falls===
: ''[Caesar's Pod Laboratory arrives at the town of Mexico City]''
: '''Rex:''' Are we there yet? ''[moving his legs and hugs his legs]'' All this futuristic technology and you never thought of adding a bathroom. ''[points at the monitor]'' City Hall! It must have a bathroom! Pull over-- Now! ''[Esteban writing some paperwork as the ground starts to rumble, He immediately ran outside looking at Caesar's research pod landing. The door opens and Rex finally made on solid ground.]'' Baño?
: ''[Esteban awkwardly points the bathroom]''
: ''[Rex runs]''
: ''[The elevator in Research pod went up and then down with Caesar]''
: '''Esteban:''' Caesar. ¿Eres tú?
: '''Caesar:''' ''[suspecting face]'' Esteban?
: '''Esteban:''' It's Mayor Esteban now.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Caesar:''' Mayor? When you ran for class president, Maria Rodriguez got all the votes.
: '''Esteban:''' She was smarter and much better-looking. And I see you're still building your crazy contraptions. What brings you back to town?
: '''Caesar:''' To visit Abuela. It's a surprise.
: '''Esteban:''' You don't want to go there. It's not the same as you remember.
: ''[Rex righs]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[runs to the research pod]'' Okay, bro, let's go! ''[Rex went up to the lab]''
: ''[Esteban chuckling]''
: '''Esteban:''' ''[looking at Rex]'' Is that little Cabeza de Trapo?
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Caesar:''' I haven't thought of that for years. ''[Caesar went up to the lab]''
: '''Rex:''' What?
: '''Caesar:''' No es nada, mijo. We'd better get going.
: '''Esteban:''' At least stay in town tonight. You can head up to abuela's in the morning.
: '''Caesar:''' It's been over five years, Esteban. We're not waiting another minute.
: ''[Door closes and Research pods departs]''
: '''Rex:''' If she's not really our grandmother, why are you calling her &quot;abuela&quot;?
: '''Caesar:''' There may not be a biological connection, but she practically raised the entire town. When you were a boy, you spent every summer here.
: ''[Rex stops and feels incomplete]''
: '''Rex:''' I wish I could remember her. Or any of this.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm sure she'll be excited to see you. Just prepare yourself for a lot of sloppy grandma kisses.
: ''[Caesar pats Rex's hair and keeps on moving]''
: ''[Rex knocks at the door, The door opens by Abuela]'' Abuela, it's me-- Caesar.
: ''[The Salazar brothers show themselves while Caesar holds a Bouquet of flowers]''
: '''Abuela:''' Caesar! And is that my Cabeza de Trapo?
: '''Rex:''' Why is everyone calling me that?
: '''Abuela:''' What are you doing here?
: '''Caesar:''' We've come to visit. May we come in?
: '''Abuela:''' ''[Looks at the sky for a brief moment]'' No! ''[slams the door]''
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we should have called first.
: ''[The Salazar brothers spend the night in the Research pod with Caesar sleeping at the floor and Rex sleeping on the table. Unintentionally the computer sets thte alarm causing Rex to wake up a bit.]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Ten more minutes, Six. [''covers his ears with his pillow]''
: ''[Caesar opens the door and looks down, Seeing Abuela holding breakfast]''
: '''Abuela:''' Who wants breakfast?
: ''[Rex immediately wakes up]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Yo!
: ''[Rex drops off the table]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Ouch!
: ''[After a few minutes, Rex picks up his breakfast]''
: '''Caesar:''' Abuela always was the best cook.
: '''Abuela:''' I have missed my niños. ''[Puts her hand on Rex's shoulder]'' Rex, I have been following your work with Providence, and I always knew you would be a big important scientist.
: '''Rex:''' So, why did you slam the door on us last night?
: '''Abuela:''' Oh, that. You just caught me off guard. We weren't expecting visitors.
: '''Rex:''' I thought you always--
: '''Caesar:''' Enough with the questions, little brother.
: '''Abuela:''' Let me look at you.
: ''[Abuela grabs Rex's face]'
: '''Rex:''' Mmph!
: '''Abuela:''' I can't believe how you have grown. Come, see-- The rest of the family.
: '''Rex:''' Does everyone in town live here?
: ''[Caesar chuckles]''
: '''Caesar:''' I remember evenings here, laughing, telling stories. And the food! Rex, if you thought breakfast was good, wait and see what abuela makes for dinner.
: '''Abuela:''' It is an old building. There are always repairs.
: '''Federico:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Huh?
: ''[Rex chuckles nervously]''
: '''Rex:''' Uh... What's up?
: '''Federico:''' It's me-- Federico. Have you forgotten the secret shake?
: '''Abuela:''' You and Federico were best friends when you were little.
: '''Caesar:''' Cabezas de trapo!
: '''Rex:''' Why do you keep calling me that?
: '''Caesar:''' You used to put underpants on your heads and act out Lucha Libre movies.
: '''Rex:''' Glad I don't remember that.
: '''Federico:''' Lucky you.
: '''Esteban:''' Abuela, I must speak to you.
: '''Abuela:''' Someone has forgotten his manners.
: '''Esteban:''' You can't just keep avoiding me. My phone has been ringing off the hook. The village is concerned about the recent activity.
: '''Abuela:''' Well, it shouldn't be. What goes on here is our own business.
: '''Esteban:''' Not when it leaves these walls. The situation is getting worse.
: '''Abuela:''' We've made the necessary corrections. It won't happen again.
: '''Esteban:''' You got one last chance to get out of town. Or I will evict you myself.
: '''Abuela:''' An old squabble. You don't need to worry.
: '''Caesar:''' What aren't you telling us, abuela?
: '''Abuela:''' Time to start making dinner.
: '''Rex:''' Dinner? We just had breakfast.
: ''[Caesar chuckles]''
: '''Caesar:''' Trust me. ''[Stands up with his glass]'' To family!
: '''Rex:''' Is it like this every night?
: '''Federico:''' Pretty much.
: ''[Rex chuckling]''
: ''[The kid kicks the ball high, Frederico stands up and catch the ball and dribbled. Rex was impress.]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey. You're pretty good. Everything about going pro?
: ''[Frederico drops the ball, awkward silence]''
: '''Federico:''' Not anymore.
: ''[Rex picks up the ball, kicks it. The ball lands on the table splashing the food all around, everyones laughting. The bell rings and everyone starts going away.]''
: '''Rex:''' Okay, maybe not my best move, but it wasn't that bad.
: '''Abuela:''' Come, children!
: ''[Caesar and Rex follows Abuela to their room]'' You'll sleep here.
: ''[Rex notices Frederico]''
: '''Federico:''' See you in the morning.
: ''[Frederico darkly walks into he's room. Rex enters in his. In the room Caesar's unpacking, Rex looks around. Suddently Abuela locks the door.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[to Caesar]'' Did she just lock us in? :''[Rex tries to open the door, fails]'' She just locked us in!
: '''Caesar:''' We need to respect our elders. I'm sure she had her reasons. ''[Rex walks to window, Caesar's trying the new bed.]'' Ooh! Bed's pretty comfy. Good night!
: '''Rex:''' But-- but... It's only 6:30!
: ''[Night, suddently a roar is heard. Rex and Caesar wakes up.]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Sure, that's not weird, either!
: ''[Mayor's office, the phone start's ringing.Esteban picks up.]''
: '''Esteban:''' Bueno. I'm glad you cloud return my call. I understand you can help me with my EVO problem.
: ''[Salazar's room. Rex and Ceasar already dressed.]''
: '''Rex:''' Frederico? That's his room behind here!
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: ''[Caesar pull's the door, they are still locked.]''
: '''Caesar:''' ''[to Rex]'' Can you break it down?
: '''Rex:''' How about respecting our elders?
: '''Caesar:''' Technically, I am your elder. Brake it down!                       
: '''Rex:''' I'll do one better! Hunh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Forms Smack hands and punches trought the wall, making a hole that reveals Frederico's room.]''
: '''Rex:''' This place is just full of surprises. Okay, fur face, if you ate my friend--
: '''Caesar:''' Rex! Wait!
: '''Abuela:''' There has been a breach! Where is Rex?
: '''Caesar:''' I suspect halfway down the hill by now. Abuela--
: '''Abuela:''' I know.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa-- Unh!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' AAAAH! Whoa! Unh! UAAAAGH! This is for Federico!
: '''Abuela:''' Rex! No! That is Federico!
: '''Federico:''' Are those your hands? Genial. I got out again, didn't I?
: '''Rex:''' So, you're like a were-EVO?
: '''Caesar:''' Lux Lucius Mutatio. Interesting.
: '''Abuela:''' Come-- We've got to get back to the house.
: '''Esteban:''' I told you this would happen! You can't control them anymore!
: '''Rex:''' It wasn't her. It was me. I let them out. I didn't know.
: '''Esteban:''' All these EVOs!
: '''Abuela:''' They're just boys.
: '''Esteban:''' Look at the destruction your boys caused! The people are tired of living in fear! You'll be leaving today!
: '''Rex:''' I'm sorry, abuela. I had no idea. And now you have to leave because of me.
: '''Abuela:''' I'm not going anywhere!
: '''Federico:''' We turn at sundown and then back at sunrise. It only happens to some of us.
: '''Caesar:''' I took samples from all of the affected family members. Everyone shares the same genetic code-- something similar to hypotrichosis.
: '''Rex:''' Hyper, huh?
: '''Caesar:''' Werewolf syndrome. The nanites triggered the dormant gene.
: '''Federico:''' Can you cure it?
: '''Rex:''' I can try. Strange. I don't feel anything. Do you?
: '''Federico:''' Thanks anyway.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm seeing no active nanite tracers whatsoever.
: '''Rex:''' Well, maybe it's because he's not an EVO form.
: '''Federico:''' I just want a normal life again. I don't want to have to leave my home.
: '''Caesar:''' Maybe there's a way you can have both.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry about the wall. Why didn't you tell us?
: '''Abuela:''' Because I didn't want Providence to know.
: '''Rex:''' But Providence can help.
: '''Abuela:''' By taking those afflicted away? No. Every night when the bell pulls, those that have the change are locked away safely. For years it has been this way and no one has been hurt.
: '''Rex:''' But-- You're prisoners in your own home.
: '''Abuela:''' You may see it that way, niño. But at least we are a family.
: '''Federico:''' You know-- Even though we got busted today, it was kind of fun to get out.
: '''Rex:''' Don't you ever feel cooped up in here?
: '''Federico:''' There is one thing I missed. Go-o-o-o-al!
: '''Rex:''' Why did you stop playing if you love it so much?
: '''Federico:''' One day during practice, I stayed late so some scouts could see me play. Sun went down, and, well... They made me quit the league after that. Still haven't replaced the go box.
: ''[Federico chuckles]''
: '''Federico:''' Is that Providence?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know who it is.
: '''Federico:''' We should probably get back. It's almost evening bell.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Rex.
: '''Federico:''' That guy just shot my ball!
: '''Rex:''' Oh, this is just perfect. Hunter Cane he has a thing for hunting down EVOs I already put him away once.
: '''Federico:''' So, what's he doing here?
: '''Rex:''' Guessing your mayor called him.
: '''Federico:''' No, I mean did, he break out or something?
: '''Rex:''' Don't know. Don't care.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Why am I not surprised? This one of them?
: '''Rex:''' Bringing this guy here was a bad move.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' For them? And I get to settle an old score while I'm at it. Lucky me.
: '''Rex:''' No-- Lucky me!
: '''Federico:''' Rex, we've gotta go.
: '''Rex:''' You don't have to worry. This guy has nothing to sweat.
: '''Federico:''' Now!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Well, what do we have here?
: ''[Hunter Cain grunts]''
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Esteban, my friend, I may not even charge you for this one.
: '''Rex:''' The mayor wasn't kidding. He sent an EVO hunter who likes to shoot first and skip the questions. We'll need every man, woman, and werewolf.
: '''Esteban:''' You were warned, abuela. You can live peacefully or we will bring you out.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I didn't come here for conversation.
: '''Esteban:''' But you said it would just be a show of force. We run them out of town. No one gets hurt.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I don't negotiate with EVOs or their families. If you don't like what you're about to see, you can head on down the hill.
: '''Rex:''' Why don't you join them, hunter?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I never back down from a fight.
: '''Rex:''' Neither do I. You bring your magic EVO bullets, or is this going to be a real fight?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Lucky for you, these are the old-fashioned kind. But they hurt just as bad.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, that is kind of annoying.
: '''Caesar:''' Just hours ago, there wasn't any nanite activity. But now, it's like night and day.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Caesar:''' That was my little pun. It seems the samples are reacting differently in the absence of sunlight. If I can only work out the photoreactive elements--
: '''Rex:''' I don't even think a cure will stop Hunter Cain. He'll never listen to reason.
: '''Caesar:''' I still gotta try. I think I can affect the change in the nanite programming during your nocturnal cycle. If I'm gonna cure this, I have to do it before sunrise.
: '''Rex:''' Not a Hunter gets to them first. I can keep doing this till you run out of ammo.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Fire on target!
: '''Rex:''' AAAAAAAH!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Note to self-- Don't give him any ideas. You have to let them out!
: '''Abuela:''' I made a promise to keep them safe from harm!
: '''Rex:''' Where they can't defend themselves? That's exactly what won't happen!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Grandma, step aside.
: '''Abuela:''' I stand with my family.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Have it your way. I'll take all of you down.
: '''Abuela:''' You obviously haven't met my family.
: '''Rex:''' Can't believe we're not related. So, what was your big jail break? Nail pile and a cake? Exploding smoke bomb?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Cold, hard cash. Not everyone at Providence is an EVO-lover.
: '''Caesar:''' Huh? Yes! Rex, we can reprogram the nanites to disregard the photoreactive coding of their DNA with a frequency-tuned pulse! That should allow you to cure them!
: '''Rex:''' Sounds great, but I've sort of got my hands full. Unh!
: '''Caesar:''' You mess with my brother, you mess with me.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Who are you? You an EVO?
: '''Caesar:''' No. I'm a scientist.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' AAAAH!
: '''Caesar:''' Your turn.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa-ho! Wait! I thought you said you had to zap their nanites.
: '''Caesar:''' In a manner of speaking. First, I zap you. Then, you have your nanites through do the rest.
: '''Rex:''' AAAH!
: '''Caesar:''' Too strong. I'll make an adjustment.
: '''Rex:''' Adjustment? How about you wait for me to say &quot;okay&quot; next time? You're still here?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' When I said I was out of the disintegrator ammo, I lied. One left, and it has your name on it.
: '''Rex:''' Federico, I'm not sure if you can understand me, but it might be time for the return of Las Cabezas de Trapo.
: '''Caesar:''' I think I've got the settings figured out.
: '''Rex:''' You think? AAAH!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Caesar:''' That's more like it.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Woozily]'' Okay. Let's give it a try. I'm not trying to hurt you.
: '''Abuela:''' Federico, mi corazoncito. Let him try.
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we have to wait for a sunrise. We- We made it worse. Now we stuck that way!
: '''Federico:''' It isn't him-- It's me. I can control it now!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Doesn't change a thing to me. He's still an EVO. I'm gonna finish the job I came here to do. I'll wipe out the whole compound if I have to.
: '''Abuela:''' There is no place for your kind of hatred here!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' You think I'm afraid of you?
: '''Rex:''' I think you should be.
: ''[Hunter Cain spits]''
: '''Rex:''' Hunter knows how to hold a grudge. He'll come back.
: '''Federico:''' And we'll be waiting.
: '''Rex:''' So, this mean you're gonna try out for the pros?
: '''Abuela:''' I think it's time we all go out and live our lives.
: '''Rex:''' La familia!
: '''Caesar:''' Cabezas de trapo!

===Hard Target===
: '''Rex:''' &quot;It's Breach! She's-&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Messing with you, Rex. Did you actually see on her the other side?&quot;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Well, no but...OK, why Hong Kong?&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Because it's on the other side of the world, because she's seriously messed up.&quot;
: '''Cricket:'''&quot; Kind of like our place.&quot; 
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Trust me. She's back in Abysus laughing it off with the rest of the Pack. Besides, I'm not that easy to find.&quot;
: (''Removes the white towel to reveal her shoulder-length black hair partly dyed a deep plum and having donned a dark gray overall dress'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;OK, Rex. Bad intro. Take a do-over. Like the new look.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Wow. A compliment.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;And that's when Circe goes all [[w:Siren (mythology)|siren]] and blasts the bus driver's pants clean off.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Lucky shot. Hit the exact frequency of polyester.&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;Good thing his boxers were cotton.&quot;
:'''Rex''' (''uncomfortable'')''':''' &quot;Good one. Uh, Circe, remember when you took down that sea monster in Cabo Luna?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Please, Rex, I'd rather not remember that right now.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' Geez, Rex. Buzzkill.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Stop it.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;What's with him?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Breach lag. Let clean over his bedtime.&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;That and my early morning snooze. By the way, you were right. Breach wasn't after you. She freed Quarry. Got this from the Providence security feed.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;Quarry?&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;He's lose?&quot;
:'''Cricket:''' &quot;Oh no.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;You saw Breach and came back ''here!'' What if she followed you!?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Don't worry. If Breach were here, I'd feel it. She's here.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Hey, girlfriend.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Get out of here, Breach!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;But Van Kleiss has so been wanting to chat.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Then deliver a message for him! &quot;
: (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on Breach, who creates a portal behind her, knocking her out with her own sonic abilities)''
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Let her go, Breach!!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Oh, sorry, Rex. She's gonna save my skin. V.K.'s tough on failure, remember?&quot;
: (''Teleports away with an unconscious Circe on her shoulder'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;NO!!&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Hold that thought. You can come out now. I got that creeped out feeling.&quot;
:'''Breach:''' &quot;Peek a boo.&quot;
: '''Skwydd:''' &quot;It's her!'' She took Circe.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' But not to Van Kleiss. You never went to Abysus, did you? You slipped her into your little pocket dimension. Let her go, Breach!
: '''Breach:''' And I agree to that...why?
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Because you wouldn't want Van Kleiss to see this. I'm thinking a trade is in order.&quot;
: (''Breach releases Circe, who is caught by Skwydd'')
: '''Circe:''' &quot;I hate you, Breach.&quot;

===A Family Holiday===
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The pace of study has been staggeringly slow. There have been no significant advancements in nanite research since the original event. Simply put, Providence is not doing enough. What is required is not a military response, but a serious, thoughtful reaction, a scientific answer. The poor and afflicted deserve more. The world, deserves more. Let me introduce Diane. Mother of three. Diane has been diagnosed as incurable, a lost cause. Since then, she's been treated like an animal, locked away from her family... No hope on the horizon. Until now. At Moses Labs, we don't rely on tanks, guns, or secret weapons-- Only an unwavering belief that whatever science breaks, science can fix. Welcome back, Diane.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Happy birthday, little sister.
:'''Rex:''' Hope that I paid the bills. This is going to be expensive.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Release the hounds.
:''[a door opens revealing some Evo hounds]''
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Heh! I thought that was just a figure of speech. You're a sick puppy.
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Not cool, bro!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[Spanish accent]'' Agua, por favor.
:'''Caesar:''' Water second, probes first.
:'''Rex:''' No offense, but being a guinea pig is a lot less fun when it's you instead of Holiday.
:'''Caesar:''' Don't I run the biometric tests with the same efficiency?
:'''Rex:''' How are we related? Have you looked at Holiday?
:'''Bobo Haha:''' She ain't my species and even I know she's a hottie.
:'''Caesar:''' She is... very smart.
:'''Rex:''' Where is the Doc anyway? She usually can't wait to get her hands on me.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Saw her this morning, looking pretty grim.
:'''Agent Six:''' It's her sister. Her sister's birthday to be precise. Holiday gets introspective this time of year.
:'''Caesar:''' Her sister? Oh, is she smart too?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hey guys. Can't talk. Hangar!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Ah, human dames. I don't know how you guys keep up.
:''[Dr. Holiday pants]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Thank you for coming, Dr. Moses. It's a genuine honor.
:'''Rex:''' Who the heck is that guy? Why is Holiday acting all fangirl around him?
:'''Caesar:''' It's Dr. Brandon Moses, the leading researcher in technogenic transmorphing! If anyone's going to develop a kill  for EVOs, it's going to be him!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Now, that's actin' fan-girl.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Not the worst I've seen.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you help her?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Beverly would be an excellent candidate for my treatments. Have her transported to my facility.
:'''Rex:''' Hold up! I know you have a bunch of letters after your name, but curing EVOs is what I do. Some of them--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Some you just can't handle, Rex. Dr. Moses' research goes to places you don't, so if you don't mind-- 10 minutes, then we'll be in the air. Thank you, doctor. I've earned 5 years' worth of personal time, Knight. I plan to use it all. 
:'''White Knight:''' I don't like it, but I like your sister even less. Go for your &quot;cure&quot;, Holiday. But if it doesn't work, don't bring her back.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Agent Six:''' What do you really know about Dr. Moses?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what I saw.
:'''Agent Six:''' You're not taking her to the doctor for a checkup. Has he handed you supporting data?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why won't you let me have this? It's the first glimmer of hope I've had since Rex got here.
:'''Agent Six''': I think you've lost your objectivity. If you can't help her--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's the point! I can't! I need this cure. If you won't help me, stay out of my way!
:'''Rex:''' Any chance she's right?
:'''Agent Six:''' Hope she is.
:'''Rex:''' But we're not going to sit around and do nothing in case she's wrong, right? Today you're my sidekick-- Not a fashion-challenged soccer mom blocking my mojo. If there's any chance of playing hero for Holiday, I call dibs.
:'''Security guard:''' Dr. Moses' inventions are not for public viewing-- Especially not by Providence.
:''[Security guard grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' That &quot;soccer mom&quot; comment really got to you, huh? When did science geeks start packing heat? Huh?
:'''Agent Six:''' Check the machine.
:'''Rex:''' I'm no engineer, but as far as I can tell, all this thing does is light up and go &quot;ping&quot;. They never cured it! This was a scam!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday's in trouble. Holiday, Moses is a fraud. There is no cure!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What's going on here? Moses, what is this?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Business, Dr. Holiday-- Big business. Now, if you wouldn't mind stepping aside so I can collect your sister--
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday?! What's happening?!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Or don't step aside. I'm good either way.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday! We've got our coordinates. Go!
:'''Rex:''' It's a hundred miles away!
:'''Agent Six:''' Correct.
:'''Rex:''' Hold on to your swords, old man!
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]:''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I trusted you!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' A bad trait, a scientist. But look on the bright side-- You won't be locked in a cell anymore. That was just... Shameful.
:'''Rex:''' Be the hero. Be the hero. Be the--
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ...Zero. You'll be a lot less grouchy in a few seconds, pal. Half cured? That's new.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They've got Beverly.
:'''Rex:''' You wanna talk to her?
:'''Agent Six:''' Now's not the time.
:'''Rex:''' And when exactly is. She needs a friend, Six.
:'''Agent Six:''' I... prefer to keep it professional. Keeps people from getting hurt.
:'''Rex:''' Dude. Take off the sunglasses. She's already hurting. If I were you--
:''[Six gets a radio signal]''
:'''Agent Six:''' If you were me, you'd have a lead. Get Holiday. Dust off in 3.
:'''Rex:''' Where are we going?
:'''Agent Six:''' Moses may be a genius but not because he can cure EVOs. He overpowers them-- Hypercharges the nanites with excess energy to push their transformations.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's why Rex only partially cured that EVO he stripped the EVO of its extra power. But at its core, it was still incurable.
:'''Rex:''' We learned something new today. Great.
:'''Agent Six:''' Gets worse. Moses has turned his tech into a cottage industry. He takes incurables and weaponizes them to sell to the highest bidder.
:'''Rex:''' Don't sugarcoat it, Six.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you find this out?
:'''Agent Six:''' I called some former associates-- People who know things, things that good people shouldn't know about.
:'''White Knight:''' Question-- Why is my keep on an unapproved mission?
:'''Rex:''' It's cool, Knight. We're helping Holiday.
:'''White Knight:''' No! We had a deal! Return to base immediately!
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's over guys. I can't drag you down because of my mistake. I won't.
:'''Agent Six:''' Keep returning to base.
:''[Knight ends the transmission]''
:'''Agent Six:''' I said the keep is returning to base. I didn't say we'd be on the keep.
:'''Rex:''' You okay?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hanging in there.
:'''Rex:''' Hanging in there is good. I don't like to see you unhappy, you know. I-I mean--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what you mean. Thanks.
:'''Agent Six:''' Better luck next time.
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Jealous much, sidekick?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Who is that?
:'''Rex:''' Someone who knows things good people shouldn't.
:'''Five:''' Machine boy! Like the new ax? You owe me for the last one.
:'''Agent Six:''' We'll talk music later, Five. You have word on Moses?
:'''Five:''' Five don't lie. Your guy is running an auction-- Tonight.
:'''Agent Six:''' I owe you.
:'''Five:''' She's a lot more beautiful than you let on, Six. Try not to screw it up this time.
:'''Agent Six:''' You coming?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The EVO is the military ordinance of the future. We all know it. You drop one of these babies into your neighbor's backyard, and it's game over. But to get the most annihilation out of your nanites... you need me.
:'''Human EVO:''' You promised to cure!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' My technology not only amps up their abilities, but, for an extra charge, will modify their behavior to suit your needs. What am I bid for this army of one?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Bursting in]'' I'll open with extradition for crimes against humanity!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to his bidders]'' Wait! This is just a minor disturbance.
:''[Moses groans]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to Holiday]'' Do you know what you just cost me, all for one hopless wreck?!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday hits Moses]'' Her name is Beverly.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Then give sissy a hug.
:'''Dr Holiday:''' No! Don't hurt her, Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, sure. Handle with care. Whoa! Can you tell her that, too?
:'''Agent Six:''' Going nowhere?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Uh, let's not be ''[chuckling]'' rash.
:''[Holiday slaps Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I'm gonna have to get you a dictionary. Rash will not help anyone, especially not Beverly.
:''[Holiday grabs Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Who can still be cured.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday drops Moses]'' What?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Brandishing his swords]'' No games. Truth or dead.
:'''Rex:''' Fight still going! Need assistance! Big time! Whoa!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I did invent a machine that de-powered nanites, almost. But the bonds and nanite particles were too strong to break. Instead, I discovered that I could reverse the polarity to its maximum, overpowering the nanites. It's easier and-- Profitable.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But you did isolate the bonds? So, you can break them!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Ugh! Unh! Okay, I called hero, but I need some extra kick for my sidekick! Unh! Seriously!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Time to earn a return on my investments! Kill them all!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! 
:'''White Knight:''' I won't even bother telling you the trouble you're in. Catch those other EVOs and report to my office the moment you're back.
:'''Rex:''' What other EVO-O-O-O-Os?
:''[Rex turns around and notices the EVOs behind him]''
:'''Rex:''' Ooos?
:'''Rex:''' Think they got it?
:'''Agent Six:''' They'd better. We're busy.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Okay. That's the flux transponder. That's the nanite energizer. Don't you explode on me-- Not now. Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I'll hand the one crazed sister. You take the other. It'll be like a double date. Don't bother... your sister... while she's working!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I can see what he did, but... uh... there's no time! I can't-- I can't help her! It's over.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday-- Rebecca-- You are the strongest, smartest woman I have ever met, and the most stubborn.
:''[Six removes his glasses and looks her in the eyes]''
:'''Agent Six:''' You never give up. If there's a way to help your sister, find it-- now!
:''[Slight pause. Holiday smiles and puts Six's glasses back on his face then leaves]''
:'''Agent Six:''' That's my girl. New plan. Corral her to the machine.
:'''Rex:''' Plans are good! Yah! What you got, Doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Moses was right. The polarity of the nanite energizer is wrong! I have to amplify and reverse it. But I don't have-- Six... Your magna blades-- But it would be too dangerous. Six!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six!
:'''Agent Six:''' Is it working?
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's working.
:'''Rex:''' Six, get out of there!
:'''Agent Six:''' You called hero on this one, Rex! Finish it-- For her! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Get them out, Rex-- Both of them-- Now!
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Doc! You gotta see this!
:''[Dr. Holiday panting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[as she's trying to revive Six]'' Don't you do this to me! I will hate you forever if you--
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:''[Six coughs]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rebecca?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Beverly!
:'''Rex:''' That was... I'm... Wow! Six, I've never said it before and I'll probably never say it again, but... I'm honored to be your partner.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Mushy stuff? Oh! Glad I missed it.
:'''Rex:''' But don't ever do anything like that again.
:'''Agent Six:''' Agreed. But you have to admit though... It was worth it.
:''[Dr. Holiday and Beverly laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' We're not running a boarding house here. No more relatives.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need her for a few more tests, sir. She was only 13 when she went Evo, and she's in a fragile state.
:'''Beverly:''' Woo Hoo!
:''[Beverly laughing]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rex just took me on a ride through the Zoo on his cycle.
:'''White Knight:''' &quot;Fragile.&quot; Right.
:'''Rex:''' We're going to the mall.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you asking permission?
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm asking if we can have some money. Providence pays me nada.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can I have a word with you?
:'''Agent Six:''' Sure this is a good idea? Could ruin your hero status with Holiday.
:'''Rex:''' It's funny. After meeting Bev, out of nowhere, it hit me that Doc Holiday is just a little too old for me. So, since I'm out of the way, I guess there's nothing stopping you anymore, huh, &quot;hero&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Well... right. I guess... I'll set up those tests.
:''[Holiday starts to walk past Six. Six takes a hold of her hand]''
:'''Agent Six:''' Or... we could get some dinner.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Outside? In the real world? Like real people? Like a--
:'''Agent Six:''' Yes. Like a date.
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's about time.

===Hong Kong Nights===

===Whispers in the Dark===
===Cutting It Close===

===Exposed===
:'''White Knight''': All Providence personnel, this is a priority-one alert.
:'''Agent Six''': Do not panic. Remember your training.
:'''White Knight''': In all my years of working at Providence, never have I been put in such a situation. These interlopes could be anywhere at any given moment.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, what's all the-- Whoa! Sorry. We're late.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You can't prove a thing!
:'''White Knight''': Watch what you say. Watch what you do. The very future of Providence may depend upon it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, what's going on? Van Kleiss attack in the HQ again?
:'''Agent Six''': Worse.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions. And to find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aah.
:'''Diane Farrah''': All your questions are about to be answered. Welcome to Providence Exposed! ''[Camera closes-up on her face]'' On Ultimate Exposure! And cut. Great into, guys. Okay, moving on.
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is cool.
:'''Agent Six''': This is wrong.
:'''Rex Salazar''': How's my hair?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Delicious.
:'''White Knight''': Ladies and gentlemen, the delightful Miss Farrah and her crew have used the Freedom of Information Act to force.
:''[White Knight clears his throat]''
:'''White Knight''': To allow them access to a day in the life of Providence. And to ensure you are afforded the very best Providence has to offer, I'm assigning our top man as your personal guide.
:''[Rex moves towards the news team]''
:'''White Knight''': Six, please show Miss Farrah whatever she wants to see.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name. On behalf of Providence, I'd like to welcome you to our facility.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Spare me the small talk. I'm here to ask the tough questions, and I expect truthful answers.
:'''Agent Six''': Shoot.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So.. is there a Mrs. Six?
:''[Combs her hair]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Smooth.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Like you'd have done better.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Are you kidding? They want exposed. I'm going to give that reporter a piece of my mind and a few other pieces while I'm at it. I got stories that'll make them run screaming for the hills.
:''[Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''Agent Six''': If you'll follow me, I'll be happy to show you one of our nanite research labs up close and personal. EVO control is our primary area of concentration, but Providence is focused on a great many studies. Each employing the best and the brightest our planet has to offer.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Thanks, Six. You know, this is my brother's lab. He's only like the smartest guy in the entire world. Yeah, being the best at what we do totally runs in our family.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time.
:'''Agent Six''': That experiment is highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, how did you become a Providence agent?
:'''Agent Six''': That's also highly sensitive.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Amazing story though about how I became a Providence agent. See, there was this big accident.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Good morning. My name is Dr. Rebecca Holiday, And I'm the chief research officer for the Providence Laboratory Facilities - specializing in the study of evology. Providence's number one priority is the security of our planet. And through the studying and understanding the forces that threaten us--
:'''Diane Farrah''': Let's cut to the chase, shall we, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, um, okay.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How do you balance the threat of EVOs, the constant danger... with being a woman?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Uh.
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs nervously]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, excuse me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Speaking of studying, check this out. You can edit that, right?
:'''Diane Farrah''': We're all about the editing.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, maybe you could show these journalists some of your other duties, like what you're supposed to be doing right now, for instance.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, man. That's right. Come on. You're going to love this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': EVOs come from far and wide for a chance to be cured by this young man. How often do you do this?
:'''Rex Salazar''': At least once a week here at HQ. When I'm in other parts of the county or the world, Providence sets up a mobile cure station. There are a lot of people out there who need my help. I only wish I could get to them all. Wait. Um, let my try again. ''[after Rex can't cure an EVO]'' Shut it off.
:'''Diane Farrah''': But this is really good drama, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I asked to be on TV. They didn't. Please give these people their privacy.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Come on, buddy. Everybody has an off day.
:'''Rex Salazar''': In front of millions of viewers? So much for everyone's favorite Providence man of mystery.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Well, they're just lucky they haven't had the camera on me yet. Oh man, talk about Ultimate Exposure. When I get through with them--
:'''Rex Salazar''': I just wish I could look cool on camera somehow.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Phbt! Good luck. The only way that's going to happen now is if some experimental EVOs busted out of their cages and went on a rampage so you could round them up and look like a hero.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Providence isn't known for being forthcoming with information. I hope this interview will change that. The people want answers and I fully expect them from you.
:'''White Knight''': Very well. What do you want to know?
:'''Diane Farrah''': For starters, how do you get fresh milk without any nanites in it?
:'''White Knight''': If you must know, it's passed through a powerful magnet that removes and neutralizes any nanite activity.
:'''Agent Six''': Observe.
:''[White Knight smacks lips]''
:'''White Knight''': Anything else?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not at the moment, but I'll be back.
:'''White Knight''': I look forward to it.
:''[White Knight sips]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, what do you think about White Knight's obsession with staying nanite-free at the expense of human contact?
:'''Agent Six''': He's a man of many mysteries.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Look out! Coming through! Dangerous escaped EVOs on the loose! Stand back! Let a professional handle this!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Follow him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yeah, I'm kind of awesome.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Did you get them all?
:'''Rex Salazar''': How many did you release?
:'''Bobo Haha''': I don't know, three or four.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, which was it? Three or four?
:''[Rex Salazar gasps]''
:'''Agent Six''': Well then. Now that Rex's little demonstration is over, how about a visit to the Providence gift shop? On me.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How long has Providence had a gift shop?
:'''Agent Six''': Since 8:00 A.M. You want to tell me how a class by EVO got out of its electromagnetically-sealed container and just happened to cross paths with our tour?
:'''Rex Salazar''': It's not like this kind of thing doesn't happen here all the time. I just wanted it to happen this time, in front of the camera, all right?
:'''Agent Six''': Not all right. That last EVO-- You just helped it molt so it could grow. Its body is still out there somewhere, getting bigger.
:'''White Knight''': Providence is run like a finely tuned machine. Until you decide to throw a monkey wrench into the works.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Hey, pal, let's leave the comedy to me.
:'''White Knight''': And how is it exactly that these EVOs got out?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Okay, Mea Culpa. I may have accidentally knocked open a cage or two-- Or four.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': That fourth cage was electromagnetically sealed.
:'''Bobo Haha''': I didn't say it was easy.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The EVO we had contained in there feeds on electricity. It must be kept away from any electrical current.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then it sure is a good thing this whole place isn't full of electricity. Oh, wait.
:'''White Knight''': Find it. Subdue it. And most importantly, don't let that camera crew see it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Eh, were wastin' time hunting this thing down when I could be on camera right now, giving those people a piece of my mind.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, I only saw the EVOs empty husk before. What's the real thing look like anyway? Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': That.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Any suggestions?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Can you make a soccer net?
:''[Rex Salazar and Bobo Haha grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aha! Got you cornered now. There's no way out. You're overpowered.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You were saying?
:'''Agent Six''': You wanted to interview me. Now's your chance. Go.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Um... okay. Tell me, Six-- May I call you Six?-- What is the real truth behind the nanite event that created the EVOs?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': What is your role, if any, in that event?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified, too.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Are you always this talkative?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait. Let me do that again. You didn't get my good side. Which is my good side?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Your backside.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, you promised you were taking us to the heart of the operation.
:'''Agent Six''': Right. The heart of the operation. This way.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': [Watching from a monitor] It went right.
:''[Rex goes to his right. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Camera right!
:''[Rex goes to the camera's right]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': How can you miss it now? It's six feet in diameter and weighs five hundred pounds!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Less criticizing, more helping!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Try to steer it in the direction of Hallway twelve. We can isolate it in the atrium.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, we've got it contained there now.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No, sorry. I was reading that backwards. Hallway twenty one.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, Hallway twenty one leads to the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, so, no big deal. That's a cold-fission reactor, not electric, right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, all electricity is converted from something-- Wind, solar, hydro-- At the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ohh.
:''[Providence Agent screams]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh-hoh.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, listen carefully and do exactly as I say because we're only going to get one shot at this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': One shot at what, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The... future. Providence is the future. The future used to be the space program. Now the future is Providence and the science of EVOs.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Doc? Are you still there? We have a situation.
:'''Agent Six''': Just a minor downgrade of power during a routine relay check. Nothing to worry about.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Guys, I could really use some advice right about now!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''White Knight''': Attention all Providence Personnel, we have a Level-One Priority...
:''[Realizes the reporters are present]''
:'''White Knight''': Drill. Repeat-- This is our daily drill in the Central Core-- Now.
:'''Agent Six''': Lunch bell. It's taco day. Anyone hungry?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, while we appreciate the commemorative spoons and the tacos, I can't help but think that you've been hiding something from our viewers.
:'''Agent Six''': Not at all, ma'am. Providence is an open book.
:''[Rex Salazar screams]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Cut! You're ruining the shot, Rex. Just be patient. I will get to you-- I promise.
:''[Rex Salazar groans]''
:'''Agent Six''': Get down.
:''[Diane Farrah gasps]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': That was... what you did.
:'''Agent Six''': Just doing my job, ma'am.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I'm just doing mine!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': You're not going anywhere now, buddy, except back to your-- Cage?
:'''White Knight''': We hope that you and the Ultimate Exposure team are enjoying our EVO containment demonstration, Miss Farrah. All part of readiness training here at Providence.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Can I quote you on that?
:'''White Knight''': Miss Farah, I'm not gonna stop you from filming, but for your own safety and the safety of your crew, please step back and let my people do what they do best. Alpha Team, I need a containment of the cafeteria, cube formation. Fire! Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm on it.
:'''Agent Six''': Stay here. This is the real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not on your life. Find an elevator. We're missing it.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Still not a good ti-i-i-i-i-me!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, big boy. No more crawl spaces. No more Hallways. Just you and me in a big, old hangar bay mano y mano.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': ''[after Rex has been repeatedly beaten back by the Evo]'' Looks like you showed him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Are you going to talk, or are you going to help?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Talk. Kidding! I'm helping! I'm helping!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar sighs]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Please tell me you're getting all of this.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Providence's man of mystery strikes again. Ow! It-- it bit me!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Quick, grab some B-roll footage before they get rid of all the evidence.
:'''Rex Salazar''': You did see that I did all the heavy lifting and Six just took out the trash, right?
:'''Diane Farah''': Don't worry. The camera never lies.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yes!
:'''Bobo Haha''': Good! Then get a load of this!
:'''Diane Farah''': Do you have something to say?
:''[Camera zooms in on Bobo]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Oh... oh.
:''[Bobo mutters then passes out]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': I think we have everything we need.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't know how you guys came off looking, but yours truly rocked hard. Just call me Providence's Man of Mystery from now on. Oh, yeah! Stardom starts in five, four, three, two--
:'''Diane Farrah''': I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions.
:'''Rex Salazar''': We are so dead.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Nice knowing you, kid.
:'''Diane Farrah''': To find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name.
:'''Rex Salazar''': They did it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': They did.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': This is a news show? What is the world coming to?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Look out, ladies. Agent Six is the full package -- brains, brawn, and--
:'''Agent Six''': Highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Just what is he hiding behind those alluring, dark glasses of his?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the Providence agent you women wanted to get to know.
:'''Agent Six''': Up close and personal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': That's right, girls.
:'''Agent Six''': He's The real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And he's known throughout Providence as--
:'''Agent Six''': The heart of the operation.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the organization's best-kept secret, the ultimate agent, and--
:'''Agent Six''': The man of many mysteries.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And, yes, ladies, he is single -- or is he?
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Excuse me.
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex and Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''White Knight''': Well, that's a relief.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[after the story airs]'' So, man of mystery, what's it like being a big star adored by women everywhere?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.

===Touch and Go===
===The Siren's Lament===
* Flashbacks as to how Circe came to work for Van Kleiss.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Grounded===
===Six Minus Six===
===In Dreams===

===Lions and Lambs===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Providence agents are standing in an industrial area, fingers on triggers. Rex flies in on jet pack and lands beside all the agents.]''
:'''Rex:''' Any sign? ''[Rex notices agents shaking in fear.]'' Alright then, who’s up for a burger, anyone? Tough crowd.
:''[Six walks up.]''
:'''Six:'''	These agents seem nervous. Haven’t they dealt with this situation before?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, that's kind of the problem.
:''[Rex twitches, as if he is feeling Breach's presence.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Here she comes.
:''[Breach appears in front of them. They fire at her. She sends their missiles and agents away with red portals.]''
:'''Six:'''	How do we stop her?
:'''Rex:'''	''[Smack Hands.]'' Hit hard and keep clear of anything that glows.
:''[Breach has a collar around her neck like the one Van Kleiss wears, and a device on her chest like his only much larger and shackles are around her giant hands which look like Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical wrist. She opens a red portal. A giant jellyfish-like thing flies out at Six, then a large creature with a horn on its nose runs out. Rex jumps at Breach, she portals out, returns and the device on her chest starts sparking.]''
:'''Rex:'''	What's with the new toy, Breach?
:'''Breach:'''	''[Glares]'' Wouldn’t you like to know?
:''[T-Rex appears through a gold colored portal, sniffs Rex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Seriously, where do you find these things? Let's see what you started out as, big guy. ''[Tries to cure.] Six? This... this isn't an EVO!'' It's an actual T-Rex! ...Six?
:''[Rex runs from T-Rex.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Have fun. ''[Leaves through red portal.]''
:''[Rex hides behind light pole, T-Rex pulls pole from ground, Rex falls to the ground.]''
:'''Six:'''	I take it this sort of thing doesn't happen all the time?
:'''Rex:''' Try never? This is all kinds of wrong.
:''[Rex makes BFS, runs at T-Rex; Six runs at T-Rex, jumps on and stabs it in back.]''
:'''Holiday:'''	Is that what I think it is?
:'''Six:''' You mean about to be extinct?
:'''Holiday:''' If you destroy the scientific find of a lifetime, it won’t be the only thing.
:'''Rex:'''	It's trying to eat us.
:'''Six:'''	You heard the lady. Take it down soft.
:'''Rex:'''	Easy for you to say.
:''[Rex lies on the ground holding the jaws open with Smack Hands and it slobbers on him.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Video of T-Rex in confinement field. The T-Rex turns to dust.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Breach is powerful enough as it is, and now you're telling me she can travel through time?
:'''Holiday:'''	However she's doing it, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. That dinosaur reverted to its actual age about less than two hours after arrival.
:'''Caesar:'''	Photo and deep scan analysis reveals some very interesting technology at work here. Van Kleiss has really stepped up his game.
:'''White Knight:''' Skip the fan talk. How do we stop it?
:'''Caesar:'''	Until I get my hands on the device, I'm not certain we can.
:'''White Knight:''' We have to bring her to our side.
:'''Rex:'''	The only way she's coming here is if she does it willingly.
:'''White Knight:''' How do you propose we persuade her?
:'''Rex:'''	With me. ''[Six and Holiday stare at him skeptically.]'' I can be very convincing. Okay, okay. I think she might still have a thing for me.
:'''Bobo:''' Atta boy, work it on the crazy chick.
:'''White Knight:''' I don't care how we do it as long as we get results. Providence is under the microscope. It is the worst time for Van Kleiss to gain the upper hand. Get to it. Bring her in.
:''[Six and Holiday walking out of the room together down the hall.]''
:'''Six:''' ''[To Holiday.]'' I need a word. Something's wrong with White.
:'''Holiday:'''	Oh. That. He’s always like this, Six.
:'''Six:'''	No. This is different. I know when something is bothering him. The secret meetings, the anxiety. He’s up to something.
:'''Holiday:'''	I'll see what I can find out.
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Rex on hoverboard, in Providence stealth suit.]''
:'''Rex:'''	WHOO-HOO! Works pretty good. After all, I built it. ''[Loses control of board for a moment.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Van Kleiss's castle, Rex hiding by entrance.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Going in. ''[Pulls up stealth mask, disappears partly, runs past guard.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Breach is hooked up to a large machine. Van Kleiss stands before her with a huge bank of controls and displays, spooky dark lighting. She screams.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' This is unacceptable, Breach. I need you to concentrate.
:'''Breach:''' It hurts.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Think of what I'm trying to achieve here. I cannot fail.
:''[Breach screams in agony and collapses.]''
:''[Rex looks down horrified, Van Kleiss grins, Breach screams and falls down.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'll return when it recharges and we'll start again.
:''[Rex holds his hand out to her.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why do you let him do this to you?
:'''Breach:''' Glory.
:'''Rex:'''	Van Kleiss's glory. Is he even noticing how you're tearing yourself apart for him? Have you ever heard him say thank you? What do you say we blow this joint, you and me? He's hurting you.
:'''Breach:'''	It's not real. It can't hurt you if it isn't real.
:'''Rex:'''	Breach, look at me. It is. I'm real, all of this is real. You don't have to live this way.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why am I not surprised. Rex has come to rescue another of my lost sheep. Perhaps he'll try to save you next, Biowulf.
:'''Rex:'''	That depends. Is he housebroken yet?
:'''Biowulf:'''	I am no traitor.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You’ve no doubt seen our little experiment. Breach shows great promise. She just needs a little fine tuning.
:'''Rex:'''	Then what? Go back in time and be king of the cavemen?
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why not? It wouldn’t be much of a step down, now would it? Breach, if you would, remove our guest so we can continue. Practice makes perfect, or in your case, acceptable.
:''[Breach makes a red portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach! Think about what you're doing.
:''[Van Kleiss grins, she runs and puts her arms around Rex, portals out with Rex.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find her. Now.
:''[Mountains, snow, Rex shivering.]''
:'''Rex:'''	I'm glad you got us out of there, but where... are we?
:'''Breach:'''	When the snow is gone you can see forever.
:'''Rex:''' That's nice. Can we go now?
:'''Breach:''' I need to know if I can trust you.
:'''Rex:'''	You can trust me. I swear.
:''[Breach grabs his hand and hugs him. He opens his eyes. They are standing on a shiny endless reflective surface, reflecting stars.]''
:'''Rex:'''	This is different.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you see it?
:'''Rex:'''	Um--
:'''Breach:'''	This is where the stillness comes from.
:'''Rex:'''	You. Are weird. So what exactly does this mean? Are you coming with me or is this some kind of test?
:'''Breach:'''	I need you to see it.
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... A test.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you wanna understand?
:'''Rex:'''	Not exactly sure. ''[She glares, he waves his hands in front of him.]'' Yes, I mean yes. I mean--
:'''Breach:''' Follow me. ''[Walks through red portal.]''
:''[Another place. A door, a doll, a bear and a fire hydrant float in space.]''
:''[Rex hanging upside down, she is holding him by his ankle above a swirling pink vortex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ahh! What happened? I thought we were getting along fine!
:'''Breach:'''	Why are you here?
:'''Rex:''' Good question. Where exactly is here? Can we go somewhere else now, somewhere like, on Earth?
:''[She drops him. He screams and lands on the floor between some stacks of books.]''
:'''Rex:''' You sure know how to pick'em. What kind of tripped out dimension is this? ''[Librarian walks by and shushes him.]'' Oh. College.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[On communicator in Rex's right ear.]'' Rex, report. Where on earth have you been?
:'''Rex:'''	Apparently every place but.
:'''White Knight:''' I need to know you can handle this otherwise we're going to try a different approach.
:'''Rex:'''	You need to chill out, White. I’m making progress. ''[Rex puts his hand to his left ear.]'' Dr. Holiday, are you there?
:'''Holiday:'''	Tracking shows you’re with Breach. Are you okay?
:'''Rex:'''	Fine? Creeped out but fine. I can't bring Breach back to Providence, White would just lock her up and that won't help.
:'''Holiday:'''	Where will you take her?
:'''Rex:'''	I'll think of something. Just keep White Knight off my case.
:''[Breach appears behind him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why don't you let me pick out where we go next?
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[White Knight hands folded moving nervously.]''
:'''White Knight:''' He says he's making progress.
:'''Black Knight:''' The committee is losing confidence. They want results, not excuses.
:'''White Knight:''' Then that's exactly what they’ll get.
:''[Scene change. Rex sits across from Breach in a booth at a bowling alley.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Soooo, don't like bowling, huh? I figured with the extra arms you'd be a natural.
:'''Breach:'''	I'm not supposed to like you, but I do.
:'''Rex:''' ''[smiles]'' We're teenagers. At least assuming you are. Doing what we are not supposed to is part of the job. French fry?
:''[She takes it and then drops it.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Do you remember anything? From before you... changed?
:'''Breach:'''	I remember everything. And nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Naturally. Why did I even bother to ask. Listen, Breach. I'm not going to pretend I understand you, ''[Puts his hand on her giant hand]'' but I can help. If you let me.
:''[The machine starts to glow, they jump to their feet, other people look startled.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nothing to worry about. Everything's fine.
:'''Breach:'''	I can't, I can't stop it.
:'''Rex:'''	Let me try. ''[He tries and it knocks him onto the floor sparking.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss has control. They're coming.
:''[Van Kleiss busts through the door with The Pack following. Raises bio-mechanical hand, palm of it glows, device on Breach's chest turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Okay, do your thing. Get us out of here. Anywhere.
:''[she tries]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You can't take what doesn't belong to you.
:'''Rex:'''	I didn't take you for the jealous type. ''[Rex shoots bowling balls at Van Kleiss with his cannon, hits Biowulf and Skalamander in the face and Van Kleiss punches the balls aside with his bio-mechanical hand.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach, let's go!
:''[Breach rides off with Rex on hoverboard, Van Kleiss and Pack follow on three flying fish EVO's with harnesses and big teeth. They dodge and crash Van Kleiss into a window, and land in a park.]''
:''[Breach and Rex stand together on a footbridge looking down into the water.]''
:'''Breach:''' ''[Walks to bridge and looks at her reflection, Rex follows.]'' Will they hurt me?
:'''Rex:'''	Providence? Not if I can help it.
:'''Breach:'''	They did before. Ms. Smarty Pants—she likes to hurt me.
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you my word, if you come back to Providence, I promise no one will hurt you.
:'''Breach:'''	We can be together forever and ever. ''[She walks off bridge, ducks swimming in water.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh... something like that. What am I getting myself into? We gotta move. I bet my brother has already figured out how to turn that thing of yours off.
:''[The ducks fly off, they look and see a reflection in the pond of White Knight's ship.]''
:''[White Knight walks up followed by Providence fighter planes.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh guys, what are you doing?!
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't have something done right, do it yourself.
:''[They shoot at Breach, she screams, Rex is horrified.]''
:'''Rex:''' No! No! No! ''[walks up bridge to White Knight]'' Do have any idea what you just did?
:''[Breach's chest device turns on, she screams, Providence shoots at her.]''
:'''Rex:''' Is this what you wanted? Congratulations! ''[runs to Breach]'' Breach! Wait!
:'''Breach:''' Liar! ''[Throws red portal at Rex, he dodges, second one hits him, he disappears. Providence keeps shooting, she throw portals, drops three soldiers in water.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Agent Six!
:''[He jumps at her, she portals him away to behind Knight. Rex jumps from the water onto the bridge by Knight.]''
:'''Rex:'''	You had no intention to bring her in, did you?
:'''White Knight:''' I wanted to believe you, Rex, but this is too important. She can't be controlled.
:'''Rex:''' Control... Her powers are back on. Van Kleiss.
:''[Van Kleiss arrives on flying fish EVO.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Settle down, Breach.
:''[Chest device turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Let me do this. I can get through to her. Come on. It couldn't get any worse than you've already made it
:''[Knight and Six look at each other.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Form a perimeter around Breach. Van Kleiss isn't to touch her.
:''[A rock wall rises from the ground blocking Rex as he runs towards Breach. The Pack jumps down from wall to attack Rex, Six intervenes. Agents surround Breach, she tries and fails to make red portal. Screams. Van Kleiss flies in on fish, knocks down agents with bio-mechanical whip arm, shoots needles from fingers and knocks more down, fish knocks the rest down. White Knight shoots at Van Kleiss.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' If you had any idea what I was trying to do you might even welcome it.
:'''White Knight:''' Enlighten me.
:''[Van Kleiss touches a tree and it turns into an EVO. EVO tree catches and holds White. Six and Biowulf fight, Rex and Skalamander fight.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Enlighten you?
:''[Sticks his claws in White Knight, glowing White Knight screams.]'' All in good time, White Knight, assuming you have some left.
:''[Six throws a magnablade through Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical arm and he lets go of White.]''
:'''Six:'''	''[to White Knight]'' Go. I mean it. ''[White Knight flies off.]''
:'''Six:''' The name's Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	We've met.
:'''Six:'''	Don't remember. ''[They fight.]''
:''[Breach on merry-go-round, turning slowly looking at the sky.
:'''Rex:'''	You're just using her.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Of course I am. She knows it. Spare me the chivalry, Rex. Providence would do the same.
:'''Rex:'''	Either way you slice it, she loses!
:'''Breach:''' ''[to herself]'' My two favorites. You both lie. Neither is real.
:'''Rex:''' ''[goes to her]'' Breach, I'm sorry. I meant what I said.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Words mean nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Then let this do the talking. ''[Turns on her machine, puts it into her power.]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You just handed her a loaded gun.
:'''Rex:'''	And now it's her choice how to use it.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Oh if only I had the chance to get through to you, Rex, to teach you how the world really works.
:''[Breach steps in front of Van Kleiss, raises her arms as if to send Rex away. Makes huge yellow portal above them.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Our very first time traveler. You should be honored. Now Breach, if you wouldn't mind.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:''[Rex closes his eyes. Breach sends Van Kleiss away with yellow portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' That was... unexpected.
:''[Rex tries to turn machine off but fails.]''
:'''Rex:'''	It won't turn off. I'm sorry. I, I didn't know.
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss made it like this so I wouldn't send him away.
:'''Rex:'''	That didn't work out so well did it? Six, get everyone out of here now! ''[A big yellow dome forms around the playground where Rex and Breach stand.]''
:'''Rex:'''	So, what's going to happen?
:''[Rex and Breach are about to be engulfed by Breach's out of control time portal]''
:'''Breach''': ''[she looks up]'' I don't know if any of this was real. But it was nice having a friend for a while. ''[Rex smiles, Breach hugs him as they dispensary in the golden time portal]''
:'''Rex:''' I didn't get blown up. ''[Sees a lizard.]'' Whoa! ''[Jumps away, startled.]'' Oh no, please don't let this be dino time. ''[Touches earpiece in left ear.]'' Rex to Providence, do you copy? :''[Takes earpiece out and looks at it.]'' Oh... Rex to Providence, you better be there.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Uh... we copy, Rex. We have a lock on your coordinates and are sending a jump jet.
:'''Rex:'''	Is Six okay? Breach went supernova.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Someone's on the way, just hold tight. Providence out.
:''[Scene change, Rex lying on the ground.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Took you long enough.
:''[Turns over and sees Providence agents, pointing guns at him.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex is onboard. Heading back to HQ.
:'''Rex:'''	HQ? Ten minutes ago I was in the middle of an epic battle. You need to take me back!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Um, that battle is over.
:'''Rex:''' What happened? Is Six okay? Guys...what's going on?
:''[They arrive at HQ.]''
:'''Caesar:'''	Baby brother, you're okay! ''[Runs and hugs him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Breach just sent me to nowheresville. Nothing to freak out over.
:'''Caesar:'''	''[To Providence agent.]'' You didn't tell him?
:'''Providence Agent:''' Our orders were just to bring him back.
:'''Rex:'''	Tell me what? Hey, when did you... have a beard?
:'''Caesar:''' There's no easy way to tell you this, hermano. Breach didn't just send you to the middle of nowhere. You've been gone for six months.
:'''Rex:'''	Six months?! So this is--
:'''Caesar:''' Technically, the future. I should warn you, there've been a few changes.
:'''Rex:'''	You didn't give away my room, did you?
:'''Caesar:''' As a matter of fact, they did.
:'''Rex:''' What?! Caesar, tell me what's going on here.
:'''Caesar:'''	It would be better if I showed you.
:'''Rex:'''	White Knight taking visitors now?
:'''Caesar:'''	I'll wait out here.
:''[Rex sees Providence agents dressed in black.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nice suits.
:''[Goes into the office.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... Love what you've done with the place. White?
:''[Person in chair turns around, it's a woman, not White Knight.]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Thank you, Rex. ''[She gets up and walks towards him.]'' It was a little bright for my taste. White Knight is no longer associated with this organization.
:'''Rex:''' He quit?
:'''Black Knight:''' He...attempted a hostile takeover and failed. Can I get you anything? Water? A snack?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want a snack! Where's Six? Where's Holiday!?
:'''Black Knight:''' This must upsetting to you. Change is never easy but from I understand, you've been in situations like this before. Everything's going to be fine.
:'''Rex:''' Who are you?!
:'''Black Knight:''' Someone very happy to have you back. Call me Black Knight.

==Season Three (2011-2013)==
===Back in Black===
: '''Rex''': Okay, I get what's going on here.
: '''Black Knight''': I'm relieved to hear that, Rex.
: '''Rex''': You can come out! I know you're there!
: '''Black Knight''': Rex?
: '''Rex''': We're friends, now, remember? Breach?
: '''Black Knight''': Breach isn't here, Rex. The world's changed. As soon you accept th--
: '''Rex''': No, I'm not ignoring you. It's just that you're not real.
: '''Black Knight''': I assure you I'm very real-- As is all of this.
: '''Rex''': ''[Chuckling]'' Oh, come on. It's been a fun time in the ol' Breachscape, but, you know, time to go home now.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': Seen this before. Usually ends with a black hole.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, you're disoriented. Let me--
: '''Rex''': Sorry, non-lady. No time. Got an exit to find! Shall we aprehend?
: '''Black Knight''': It won't be necessary.
: '''Caesar''': Rex! Have you lost it?
: '''Rex''': Caesar! We're in a pocket dimension! It could collapse at any second!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar''': That's crazy, Rex. This is not a pocket dimension.
: '''Rex''': You're right! It's a whole alternate universe! And-- and-- and you're my Brother's evil twin! Out of the way! Six! Six! Doc!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Rex''': Dr. Holiday! Doc!
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': Wha-- Well, at least some things haven't changed. Whoa! Whoa! Okay, now I-- Bleh-- know I'm in an-- Aah!-- alternate universe. Unh! You can go ahead and -- Blech!-- Eat me now, please.
: '''Black Knight''': Release.
: '''Rex''': You were... saying something about changes?
: '''Black Knight''': There have been a few.
: '''Caesar''': You've got temporal lag, Rex. It's kind of like altitude sickness, only in time. Here-- This will balance your electrolytes.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': So this is really-- 
: '''Black Knight''': Really. Welcome to the future, Rex-- Or, rather, to the present. Without your healing abilities, Providence has embraced a new paradigm. We've moved beyond the outmoded era of &quot;cure, contain, or kill.&quot;
: '''Rex''': And into the era of &quot;serious leash laws&quot;.
: '''Caesar''': We used the petting zoo as our test bed. What do you think?
: '''Rex''': I think it needs a new name, 'cause, you know, now it really is one.
: '''Caesar''': We've developed new techniques for working with EVOs. It's all about understanding them better.
: '''Rex''': So, you're some sort of &quot;EVO whisperer&quot;?
: '''Caesar''': ''[laughs]'' It's a bit more complicated than that. You sure you're okay? ''[sighs]'' It's good to have you back, brother.
: '''Black Knight''': Family ties. They transcend even time itself.
: '''Rex''': Caesar's not my only family.
: '''Black Knight''': I'll bring you up to speed on the others. When you went M.I.A., White Knight lost his biggest weapon in the war for EVO containment.
: '''Rex''': Figures that I have to vanish for him to appreciate me.
: '''Black Knight''': White became erratic-- some might say paranoid. Directorate lost faith in his ability to lead.
: '''Rex''': Directorate? I never knew white even had a boss.
: '''Black Knight''': There are, shall we say, layers. I was named as his replacement.
: '''Rex''': Let me guess-- he didn't take it well.
: '''Black Knight''': You could say that.
: '''Providence Agent''': White Knight! Sir! Stand down!
: '''White Knight''': I'd rather go down in flames than see Providence in the hands of the enemy.
: '''Providence Agent''': He's got a bomb! Fall back! All units fall ba--
: '''Rex''': Whoa! That was--
: '''Black Knight''': Your room.
: '''Rex''': Huh? Aww, man! But... Six... Holiday... where--
: '''Black Knight''': Where do you think? They're out looking for you. Agent Six and Holiday took indefinite leave. They've been off the grid ever since. I've attempted to contact them, but no response.
: '''Rex''': Mind if... I give them a ring? Not that I don't trust you.
: '''Black Knight''': ''[sarcasm]'' But you don't trust me. Natural, given the circumstances. Be my guest. ''[after Rex gets disconnected]'' It won't take long, to locate them. Meanwhile, there are many familiar faces who will be glad to hear you're back. Which reminds me... ''[tosses Rex a sack]'' This is everything we salvaged from your room.
: '''Rex''':  ''[opening the sack to find his ball]'' Huh. Talk about starting over.
: '''Black Knight''': You could you know. There's still a place for you in the--
: '''Rex''': My room. I thought you said it was trashed.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, wait.
: '''Rex''': What's the matter, Black? This where you're hiding all your evil secrets?
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex''': Um... Wow!
: '''Black Knight''': This entire wing was destroyed in the blast. I had the space... repurposed.
: '''Rex''': White wouldn't even splurge for private stalls.
: '''Black Knight''': As you see, I treat my finest people to the very finest things.
: '''Rex''': Sure. I'll take one of those, please.
: '''Black Knight''': It's yours-- and anything else you'd like.
: '''Rex''': As long as I do whatever you want-- That it?
: '''Black Knight''': On the contrary-- you're a seasoned agent. I have a few boundaries, but otherwise, handle matters as you see fit.
: '''Rex''': Say I refuse.
: '''Black Knight''': Then I turn you over to mel. ''[chuckling]'' I'm kidding. You're free to leave whenever you like. But I hope you'll stay. Now, more than ever, Providence needs a Rex. So, how do you feel? Like I haven't used one of those in Six months-- Which I haven't. You mind? Bobo?
: '''Bobo''': Rex! Heard you were back. So great to see you, buddy. Whoa. Just a sec, there, pal. Gotta love those certain towelettes.
: ''[Bobo whistling]''
: '''Bobo''': What? Never seen a monkey wash his hands before?
: '''Rex''': Not this one.
: ''[Bobo munching]''
: '''Rex''': You wanna tell me what's gotten into you or what?
: '''Bobo''': What are you talking abou-- Unh! Hey!
: '''Rex''': Sorry. For a minute, I thought you were...
: '''Bobo''': Robo Bobo? Wanna check for a tv in my butt?
: '''Rex''': Pass. But come on. You've, I don't know, mellowed or something.
: '''Bobo''': Guess I just don't have a big need to act out these days, what with you and everyone gone. Plus, the employee benefits are pretty sweet.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, we've got a little EVO problem. Providence could use your help. Ready to get back in the game?
: '''Rex''': If it involves getting out of here, that would be a &quot;yes.&quot; You coming?
: '''Bobo''': I'll join ya on the next one. I got Tai Chi at 2:00.
: '''Rex''': Missing an EVO smackdown? That doesn't sound like you.
: '''Bobo''': Did I mention the instructor has a thing for back hair?
: '''Rex:''' Ew. Okay. That sounds like you. What is it and where do I find it?
: '''Providence Agent''': We've got an EVO in the subway tunnels, people trapped in one of the trains. The power's out down there, too.
: '''Rex:''' Sounds like a street worm. Sure it's just one? Rex to H.Q. Okay, new chief, how do you want to do this?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're the expert.
: '''Rex:''' I am? Uh, I mean, of course I am. It's just that Six usually--
: '''Black Knight:''' You don't need help, Rex. Handle it as you see fit. Black, out.
: '''Rex:''' What's this strange feeling that's come upon me? Could it be...
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex''': Responsibility?! Okay. Assemble your guys over there. Be ready for me. Should the guys grab flashlight. Or... better. Not a bad pre-show. Now for the main event.
: '''Providence Agent:''' How did you know?
: '''Rex:''' These things usually travel in pairs. I used lights from my builds to make it think I was another worm. Have your bug net handy. They're so cute after I shut them down.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry B.K. No can cure.
: '''Black Knight:''' Understood. Our team will take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Um, take what where?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Move into the vehicle! Move... into... the vehicle! Hit her again!
: '''Rex:''' Um, what just happend?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's all for now, Rex. Nicely done.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Wait. What are you gonna do with it?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Standard rehab and re-lo. It's all very humane.
: '''Rex:''' I'd love to see that. Mind if I tag along?
: '''Black Knight:''' Sorry, Rex. Authorized personnel only. You've done your job. Now let the team theirs.
: '''Rex:''' But--
: '''Black Knight:''' Boundaries, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Boundaries. Got it. Rex, out.
: '''Caesar:''' Main container reached. Attach stabilizer ring.
: '''Rex:''' Humane? Yeah, right.
: ''[Bobo yawns]''
: '''Bobo:''' See? Great employee benefits.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Right. Hey, you got a tag sticking out in the back. Mind if I--
: '''Bobo:''' Thanks, pal. Well, off to yoga.
: '''Caesar:''' You really shouldn't be here, hermano.
: '''Rex:''' The petting zoo? The worm? My monkey practicing good hygiene? You're using that thing to control my friend!
: '''Caesar:''' He's still the same Bobo you know and love. He just need a few boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' He's not the same, and neither are you! You should hear yourself!
: '''Caesar:''' Making the world safer isn't possible without some form of control. And you'd better get some control of yourself, mijo.
: '''Rex:''' Or what? You'll use that thing on me?
: '''Caesar:''' Open your eyes to all the good we're accomplishing. Isn't this better than smacking them with your giant fists?
: '''Rex:''' That's combat! I protect people and property! Okay, property, not so much, but this? If you can't see the difference, then maybe I never knew you at all!
: '''Caesar:''' It doesn't matter. I have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' So do I!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Uses his Smack Hands to smash everything around him]''
: '''Caesar:''' Rex! Stop!
: '''Black Knight:''' Snooping around, Rex? See, that's another one of my boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' White Knight may have had his issues, but he never resorted to anything like this!
: '''Black Knight:''' I never planned to do this, Rex, but you've become a danger.
: '''Rex''' ''[shocked]'': Caesar! Think! You can't do this!
: '''Caesar:''' Of course I'm thinking. This is the logical conclusion to what we started. 
: '''Rex:''' The logical-- Aaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Raaah! Aah!
: ''[Caesar blasts the mind-control laser, causing Rex to scream and groan in pain]''
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. You'll thank me later.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You... better... believe I will!
: '''Caesar:''' Please don't resist! It's only painful if you struggle!
: '''Black Knight:''' What's taking so long?
: '''Caesar:''' He's fighting it! His nantic energy is spiking off the scale!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Boost power.
: '''Caesar:''' It's not safe to--
: '''Black Knight:''' It's for the best. 
: ''[Caesar increases power, causing Rex's nanites to go haywire as a tear fall down his cheek, heartbroken about his own brother betraying him]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Manages to overpower the mind-control machine, much to the surprise and wonder of Caesar and Black Knight]''
: '''Rex:''' You just drew a line in the sand, bro! ''[runs off]''
: '''Black Knight:''' You'd better have a backup.
: '''Caesar:''' The prototype. Not portable, but more than enough power, even for him.
: '''Black Knight:''' Get it ready.
: '''Rex:''' Unh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' No mood to get slimed right now, mel!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' What happened to your EVO control?
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Black Knight reactivates Mel's control]'' A demonstration. You know what would happen without our influence.
: '''Rex:''' So, you're hijacking its brain, like you tried to do with mine.
: '''Black Knight:''' That won't be necessary if you'll willingly cooperate.
: '''Rex:''' Translation-- if I do everything you say.
: '''Black Knight:''' You've seen how we can work together. Providence still needs you. There will always be a few EVOs we can't control.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. I'm one of them.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Shall we pursue?
: '''Black Knight:''' Most definitely.
: '''Rex:''' Gangway! Coming through! Huh? No! Huh. Black Pawns. Overdoing the whole theme, don't you think?
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Yah! I'm getting beat up by the chess club!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' We... got off on the wrong foot. Stow the hardware and come with us. You have my word you won't be harmed. We can start over-- the right way.
: '''Bobo:''' You mind? You're interrupting the enjoyment of my employee benefits.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: ''[Rex panting]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Rex was tranquilized]'' Excellent work. Take him to the lab.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? No way! You're not turning my brain to mashed potatoes! Doc?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Welcome back, Rex.
: '''Six:''' Good to see you, kid.
: '''Rex:''' Before I blame this on a Burrito-induced nightmare, will someone please tell me-- What... Is... Going... On?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What do you think? We've been looking for you.
: '''Six:''' We knew Providence might find you first. Fortunately, we planted a mole.
: '''Bobo:''' Ehh. Rex! Put 'er there!
: '''Rex:''' Uhh! You didn't wash! Oh! You didn't wash! But that means... that he really was... Robo Bobo?
: '''Bobo:''' In the flesh.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Literally. I gave it a biological upgrade, complete with his own nanites and... fleas, ticks, lice, chigger mites.
: '''Bobo:''' What can I say? I'm an ecosystem.
: '''Six:''' It's enough to fool your brother's equipment. The robot is only providing limited intel. But one thing is sure-- new Providence is about more than just getting EVOs off the streets.
: '''Rex:''' I saw it. Whatever they're doing over there is seriously messed up.
: '''Six:''' That's why we've set up our own operation.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Long pause as Rex sees the new HQ]'' Whoa! Where did you get all of this?
: '''Six:''' We have our sources.
: '''Rex:''' So, we're like super-secret spies now? Cool!
:''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' It's too bad about White, though. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm gonna miss that pasty guy.
: '''White Knight:''' ''[White enters]'' How touching, Rex. I, on the other hand, have rather enjoyed the last six Rex-free months. Now... If we're done with the love-in, we have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' It really can't get any better than this. Oh, except one thing-- Can I get a TV?

===Crash and Burn===
*From this episode, Rex can create two builds at once
:''[Bobo yawns]''
:'''Bobo:''' They say nothin' good happens after midnight. And, you know, they're right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm worried about you, Bobo. Since we left Providence, you've been staying out every night.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo gulps]''
:'''Bobo:''' That's not the least of your worries. Seen our boy lately?
:''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex is fine. He just needs time to adjust to our new setting. Rex? It's Holiday. Are you there?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, doc. What up?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Just checking in. Everything okay?
:'''Rex:''' Better than okay. I'm about to set a new land-speed record'
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That wasn't what I meant. How are you feeling?
:'''Rex:''' Appreciate the concern, but the only thing on my mind right now is the need for speed. Apparently, I'm not alone. I'll call you back. Hey! Slow down! I want to talk to you! Ah. You want to play chicken. Doc? Bobo? I'm getting blitzed by some bikers. Aah!
:'''Rand:''' Might as well give up! I won't quit! I'm a relentless, never-say-die, nonstop-- Uh, hey, wait a minute. Who are you?
:'''Rex:''' Think you could have asked me that before trying to run me down?
:'''Rand:''' Ooh! My fault. I thought you were one of us.
:'''Rex:''' &quot;One of us&quot;? What is this?
:'''Rand:''' Sorry, dude. No time to chat. Peace.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, like I'm gonna take that for an answer. A street race? Or a demolition derby?
:''[Lance grunts]''
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Lance:''' Gonna need a bike.
:'''Rex:''' Can't believe you survive that! You must be the luckiest guy on the-- These are nanites.
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Oh, come on!
:'''Six:''' Something wrong?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Prototypes. I prefer tried-and-tested. And I don't even know what we're going to do with half of this stuff.
:'''Bobo:''' You're goin' soft, gettin' worked over by a bunch of goofballs on motorcycles.
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons.
:'''Bobo:''' Last time I checked, so did you.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but not while I'm on my bike. I'm strictly one at a time.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites that have infected his body are slowly poisoning him. I've never seen anything like it.
:'''Rex:''' Do what you can, Doc? I'm gonna go out and look for those racers.
:'''Bobo:''' Sounds dangerous.
:'''Rex:''' Sure, Bobo. You can come, too. The nanites we found on the biker gave off a different energy signature. Gonna use one of Holiday's new toys to try to scan for it. A bunch of them. And they're moving fast.
:'''Bobo:''' Then step on it! Maybe Holiday has a point about prototypes!
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe they're not on the streets. I'll watch the road. You watch the screen.
:'''Bobo:''' Gotta warn you-- Chimps make bad navigators!
:'''Rex:''' Just do it!
:'''Bobo:''' Hmm? Left! You're goin' left! Make a right! Another right!
:'''Rex:''' Which way?
:'''Bobo:''' I don't know! That way-ish! Wah! Like I said-- Monkeys make great navigators! This is your biker gang?
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons before I'm telling you-- They're tough!
:'''Bobo:''' If you say so.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Wall.
:''[Bobo and Rex grunts]''
:'''Moss:''' That's some fancy ridin'. You following us, kid?
:'''Rex:''' Still think they don't look tough?
:'''Bobo:''' I take it back.
:'''Moss:''' Who are you, kid? 'Cause whoever you are, you're not bad.
:'''Rand:''' You're awesome! Where'd you learn to ride like that? Anybody with that kind of skill should be with us. Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' What's your secret?
:'''Rex:''' No secret. I'm just built that way.
:'''Lunk:''' Is that guy from TV-- The one who fights EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Five bucks for pictures, ten bucks for autographs.
:'''Rand:''' A talking monkey! Outrageous! I gotta have one. Is he for sale?
:'''Bobo:''' Brother, you can't afford me.
:'''Rex:''' You guys seem tight-- For guys who try to kill each other.
:'''Rand:''' We're not killers. We're racers. This is a legitimate sport.
:'''Moss:''' It is what it is. Our races aren't for the weak. Name's Moss. You've met Rand.
:'''Rex:''' He tried to blow me up.
:'''Rand:''' I missed. You're welcome. Come on, don't leave me hangin'.
:'''Moss:''' Never met a celebrity who could ride.
:'''Rex:''' I caught you, didn't I?
:'''Moss:''' But are you tough enough try me?
:'''Rex:''' Try me.
:'''Bobo:''' You gotta fight back?
:'''Rex:''' With what?
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother. Fine, leave it to Chimpy. Aah! I'll take that. Phbt!
:'''Rex:''' Something else on the map-- Moving fast! And it's big!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Halt! You kids! Pull over! Now!
:'''Moss:''' Cops!
:'''Bobo:''' Worst than cops-- Providence.
:'''Rex:''' The bikes give off a nanite signature. They must have tracked it.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex, what are you doing here?
:'''Rex:''' Research. You don't want to get caught up in this! Back off now! Sorry, guys. Have Black Knight sent me the bill.
:'''Rand:''' Ha! No way! You want to beat me, you gotta step your game up. Aah!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Rand!
:'''Bobo:''' Don't stop! Kid's wearing armor. He's fine.
:'''Rex:''' No! Something's wrong!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' What is this thing? Doc? Get over here quick. We've got another one.
:'''Biker gangs:''' WHOO-HOO-HOO!
:''[Biker gangs laughs]''
:'''Biker gangs:''' Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' We thought you'd bailed on us. Where were you?
:'''Rex:''' Watching a doctor try to save Rand's life.
:'''Moss:''' Racers get sick sometimes. It's part of the life.
:'''Rex:''' Those nanite power sources-- you got to stop using them. To feel one with the road, that rush? So some people get sick. When we're on our rides, nothing else matters.
:'''Rex:''' Your rides are killing you! You're gonna be dead-- All of you! And for what? So you can go a little faster?
:'''Moss:''' We need those things to ride. You know what it's like.
:'''Lunk:''' Please. Don't take our bikes away.
:'''Rex:''' Nobody's going to take your bikes. But I need to know where you got those nanites.
:'''Lunk:''' ''[sighs]'' A guy named Valve. He supplies the superchargers.
:'''Moss:''' You're wasting your time. Valve never talks to anybody.
:'''Rex:''' He'll talk to me.
:'''Bobo:''' Been in a lot of bad biker dives, but this is the worst I've ever seen.
:'''Valve:''' Enter, strangers. The biker will see you now. Please, sit. May I offer you some tea?
:'''Rex:''' I'll pass.
:'''Valve:''' Suit yourself. I find a good cup of tea soothing-- for the body and the soul.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Valve:''' You don't have to tell the biker why you're here. The biker can tell. You wish to buy a supercharger.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Rex:''' Your superchargers are killing people. It's gonna stop.
:''[Valve breathes deeply]''
:'''Valve:''' Hmm. That sounds like a challenge.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe it is. I'll race you for them. If I win, you hand over your entire stockpile.
:'''Valve:''' Shh! Your answer is on the wind.
:'''Rex:''' You're... not right in the head, are you?
:'''Valve:''' When the wind commands, the impossible game must be gamed. The challenge is accepted. We will race for the superchargers. And when the biker wins... It won't matter.
:'''Rex:''' Why is that?
:'''Valve:''' Because you'll be dead. Let the race begin.
:'''Moss:''' This is his own private track. He knows it better than anyone. You can still back out-- Probably.
:'''Rex:''' And let people become poison, like Valve? No. I can take him. Just give me something to hit him with. You guys are walking arsenals. You don't have anything?
:'''Moss:''' You didn't think we'd need 'em today.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy.
:'''Six:''' Message from Holiday. The two sick teens have stabilized, but she's still a ways from finding a cure.
:'''Rex:''' It was the only weapon I could find, okay? Can I borrow the sword?
:'''Six:''' Use your own.
:'''Rex:''' On wheels? It's not gonna happen.
:'''Six:''' What's stopping you?
:'''Rex:''' Well, for one thing, I-- Um, not sure exactly.
:'''Six:''' What have I been teaching you? Focus on what you want and make it happen. No more excuses.
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:'''Valve:''' You're lucky. One the very best get a chance at this track.
:'''Rex:''' Then I should fit right in. Rules of the game-- ten laps. Cross the finish line before the biker, and you may have them.
:'''Rex:''' So, is the wind talking to you now?
:'''Valve:''' The wind commands the Biker to destroy you. The Biker is happy to oblige.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' You gonna help him?
:'''Six:''' He's doing fine.
:'''Bobo:''' Are you watchin' the same race I am?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' You're in trouble, Rex! No. Keep it together. Keep... it... together. Six said it-- Focus. Focus. Focus!
:''[Valve laughs]''
:'''Valve:''' Oblivion.
:'''Six:''' Like I sad-- He's doing fine.
:'''Rex:''' Double-up! Where have you been all my life?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Cute toy. But I like mine better.
:'''Valve:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Was there any doubt?
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, plenty.
:''[Valve panting]''
:'''Rex:''' We had the deal. Remember?
:'''Valve:''' Like the storm that changes directions on a whim, the biker is changing the deal. 'Cause the biker-- ''[grunts]'' Doesn't like! ''[grunts]'' The biker-- ''[grunts]'' never loses! ''[grunts]'' Unh!
:'''Rex:''' First time for everything. Thank you, Six.
:'''Six:''' It was all you, kid.
:'''Moss:''' Rand!
:'''Biker gangs:''' Oh, Rand! Good to see you!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Completely detoxified. In a couple days, they'll be back to full strength. Those could be useful at the new base.
:'''Moss:''' You can't stop us from riding.
:'''Rex:''' What's stopping you? You can still ride. You just won't be poisoned by nanites. Come on. Race you back to the garage.
:''[Rex rides off]''
:'''Moss:''' ''[Chasing after Rex]'' You heard the man. Hit it!
:'''Six:''' You do realize we just turned a group of reckless teenage boys loose on the city.
:'''Bobo:''' All in a day's work.

===Heroes United, Part 1===
: ''[In New York City, a strange white sphere appears in the sky, imposing several sporadic shocks that hit a bridge and a building and several people begin to run desperately. At The Plant, a light turns on and Rex is running and stops, with the light focusing on him, a figure passes behind Rex who smiles and builds his Funchucks and attacks the figure behind him who jumps dodging his attack and landing behind Rex, the light turns on and reveals itself to be Agent Six.]''
: '''Six:''' You need to pay attention.
: ''[Six pulls out his Magna Blades]''
: '''Rex:''' I'll tell you what I need.
: ''[Rex attacks Six who blocks his attacks]''
: '''Six:''' More training? Your swing is getting a little sloppy.
: '''Rex:''' Not what I was thinking, but thanks for the tip.
: ''[Rex tries to attack Six who jumps, dodging the blow. Six tries to attack Rex who builds his Punk busters and jumps back]''
: '''Rex:''' Two words for you, Six- - Theme song!
: '''Six:''' Theme song?
: ''[Jump on top of the cabin where Holiday is]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Break my stuff, and I will ruin you.
: '''Rex:''' Things have been pretty Good for me lately, I have a home, friends, family. The only thing I need now is my own theme song.
: '''Bobo:''' I got your Theme Song. Phbt! Phbt! ''[Bobo makes farting noises.]''
: '''Rex:''' I'm serious. Every hero should have a theme song. I've been working on one. Thought you probably wouldn't hear over the ringing in your ears. It started when the nanites went “Ka-Pow!” upon the scene Transforming all the life on earth like nothing that you’ve seen. But there’s one lucky Hombre who can make them build machines, He's Gen Rex! Ohh!
: '''Six:''' ''[Six kicks Rex backwards]'' Its... Catchy. It's good to see you happy, Rex. Just remember this world, right now, all of those things can be taken away in an instant.
: '''Rex:''' If that's your attempt to inspire me, Six, you need a little more practice yourself.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' How quickly can we get to Manhattan?
: ''[Young Woman gasps]''
: '''Young Woman:''' Providence! It'll be okay now, sweetie.
: '''Black Knight:''' Doctor Salazar, What am I looking at?
: '''Caesar:''' You want the truth? For the first time since I was six years old, I haven't a clue what I'm looking at.
: '''Rex:''' What is going on here?
: '''Bobo:''' Don't know, but I wish I'd brought my tanning butter.
: '''Six:''' Cut the chatter.
: '''Rex:''' I would, but ripping on Black Knight is the only thing keeping me from freaking out. This isn't our usual deal. Just make sure Providence doesn't shoot me in my butt while I'm off saving theirs. Huh? So... I smash that? Ohh!
: '''Bobo:''' Coming back around, kid. I think it likes you.
: '''Rex:''' Holiday, what is it, and where do I hit it?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I don't know. I-- Wait. I'm picking up Bio-organic energy inside the event.
: ''[A mysterious figure came out of the event, Rex immediately responded and then releases his Smack Hands, but the mysterious figure caught Rex's attack and then counter attacked. Thus, sending Rex flying.]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Have anything to say for yourself before I commence with the face-stomping?
: '''Humungousaur:''' Yeah. You just made a humungous mistake!
: ''[Humungousaur grunts]''
: ''[Humumgousaur grunts]''
: '''Humungousaur:''' Stay down if you know what's good for you.
: '''Rex:''' I'll show you what I'm good at, feo!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, I'm getting more fluctuations in the event. Something's coming out.
: '''Rex:''' I see it, doc.
: ''[A creature flies out of the portal]''
: '''Humungousaur:''' ''[after being hit]'' You and your partners call it quits right now, and I'll keep the powder rising to a minimum!
: '''Rex:''' I was gonna say the same thing, only in Spanish! ''[hits Humungosaur again]'' ''[Humungosaur goes flying]'' ''[talking to Agent Six]''
: '''Rex:''' You take the hunk of junk, Six! &quot;Big ugly&quot; is mine!
: '''Humungousaur:''' Hmm. You wanna learn the hard way? Lesson one-- Dangerous aliens are not welcome on my planet!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Black Knight, target locked and weapons are charged. Firing on your mark.
: '''Black Knight:''' Keep everything we've got focused on that rift. Nothing else comes out of there. Pawns, get those EVOs alive. I need answers. Caesar--
: '''Caesar:''' The physics are amazing. Like a star in collapse, it-- I'll buzz you back.
: '''Black Knight:''' Don't hang up on me, Caesar. Bring Salazar to me-- Now!
: '''White Knight:''' Hands full? My team is here to help. You'd be well advised to let them.
: '''Black Knight:''' You'd be well advised to get off my screens, White Knight. I'll see you tried for treason.
: '''White Knight:''' While you're filing the paperwork, we'll be saving New York. Join us or stay out of our way!
: ''[Rex coughs]''
: '''Rex:''' You can punch. I'll give you that.
: ''[Humungousaur groans]''
: '''Humungousaur:''' You alien wannabes should know better by now-- Mess with Ben, you get the ten.
: '''Rex:''' Aliens?! The ten?! Great-- Another insane EVO. Providence is all over your energy-weapon whatever, so let's see if I can't knock some normal back into you.
: '''Humungousaur:''' Good luck with that. Ugh!
: '''Rex:''' Okay. That's weird.
: ''[Diamondhead grunts]''
: '''Diamondhead:''' What did you just do to me?
: '''Rex:''' Not sure, but I like it.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Holiday, are you seeing this? &quot;Creature feature&quot; just went bling on me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Be careful, Rex. This is something we've never seen before.
: ''[Diamondhead grunts]''
: '''Diane Farrah:''' Diane Farrah, broadcasting to you live from what appears to be the end of the world.
: '''Alpha:''' So many of us. What has happened here?
: '''Six:''' Holiday, what am I looking at here?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Preliminary scans say non-organic. It appears to be entirely mechanical. I'll need a closer look.
: '''Six:''' I'll see what I can do.
: ''[Diamondhead coughs]''
: '''Diamondhead:''' Lucky punch.
: '''Rex:''' Don't believe in luck. Now hold still so I can cure you.
: '''Diamondhead:''' You're talking crazy, and I'm not sick. We're wasting time.
: '''Lodestar:''' Metal, meet magnetism.
: '''Rex:''' Magnets, huh? Well, there's no metal in pavement.
: '''Lodestar:''' Aah!
: '''Six:''' It's gone, but I found this.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm not exactly sure what we're looking at here. I don't even know if this is made with an element I've ever seen before. Getting some kind of a residual nanite signature, but this is definitely not an EVO. Caesar-- We could use a little help here. What is it?
: '''Caesar:''' The fragment came from the machine.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you tell us anything about it?
: '''Caesar:''' Yes, but not right now.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' For the record, most scientists are not like that.
: '''Alpha:''' Him. Father?!
: '''Six:''' We're not finished yet.
: '''Lodestar:''' Ow!
: '''Rex:''' Huh?!
: '''Rex and Lodestar:''' Time-out! Innocents!
: '''Diane Farrah:''' Thank you. You-- Who are you?
: '''Rath:''' Seriously?! I'm the cat who's all that-- The Rath attack! There are about a hundred other things.
: '''Rex:''' Time-in! Thanks for the assist, but say adios to your nanites for real, El Gato.
: '''Rath:''' Will you stop that?
: '''Rex:''' You... you're not an EVO?!
: '''Rath:''' Let me tell you something, robot boy! I have no clue where an EVO is. I'm just trying to do my thing.
: '''Rex:''' Destroy our city?
: '''Rath:''' Destroy?! You really haven't heard off me?
: '''Ben:''' I'm Ben Tennyson. Ben 10? Like, the biggest hero in the world?
: '''Rex:''' Six!
: '''Six:''' Everybody down!
: '''Rex:''' Six! Six, hold on! Holiday, Six is down! Six is down! This is all your fault! Holiday?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm doing everything I can, Rex. We have to focus on the bigger picture. Six would want us to.
: '''Rex:''' Figures the only time I do what Six would want, he's in a coma.
: '''White Knight:''' I'll be having the pleasure of helping Providence figure out how to close the rift. The rest of you can deal with that machine.
: '''Rex:''' It got blown to bits along with Six, remember?
: '''White Knight:''' Don't be so sure. Someone needs to find out what that is and where it went.
: '''Ben:''' I can do that.
: '''Bobo:''' You-- Ain't doing nothing but sitting pretty and shutting up.
: '''Rex:''' And if Six of them pull through, you won't even be able to do that.
: '''Ben:''' I'm sorry about your friend, honestly. Obviously, he's important to you. But I have no clue what's even happening here. I've never heard of Providence or EVOs or-- One minute I'm doing a TV interview. The next, hole in the  ky, flash a light and I'm punching out a mecha monster. Then I end up in a world where nobody knows me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He might actually be telling the truth. Ben's nanite absorption level indicates  he came through that rift without any.
: '''Rex:''' I thought White Knight was the only living thing on Earth that's nanite-free.
: '''Ben:''' So you mean I have those things in me now? Great. Where's my space suit?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll live. Still doesn't explain how you got here.
: '''Ben:''' We're probably looking at a parallel world thing.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Parallel worlds are a theory, and a shaky one at that.
: '''Ben:''' Are you serious? I go home all the time. Maybe if you knew where that mech alien was from, it might help prove--
: '''Rex:''' Quit talking!
: '''Ben:''' Exactly. Nothing's gonna get answered sitting around here.
: '''Rex:''' In case you hadn't noticed, we're holding you under house arrest.
: '''Ben:''' You aren't holding me. I was staying to see how I could help.
: '''Big Chill:''' You aren't the only person worried about someone close to you.
: '''Rex:''' I got this.
: '''White Knight:''' Rex, don't! I hate kids.
: '''Caesar:''' Nanite Cloud. These are being drawn in from the atmosphere. Now where are you? So it is you. This is most disturbing.
: '''Rex:''' Why don't you just go back where you came from?
: '''Big Chill:''' I'm trying to, you do? Oh no.
: '''Rex:''' What?
: '''Ben:''' Mr. Smoothie isn't here. That's messed up.
: '''Rex:''' My partner is in a coma. If you're stressing over a frozen drink, you are totally getting punk-fusted.
: '''Ben:''' We're in Bellwood, my hometown, where it should be. But it's all different. Part of me hoped it wouldn't be, but this pretty much proves it.
: '''Rex:''' This doesn't prove anything!
: '''Ben:''' You know the friend you care about? Well, I have a cousin, a grandfather, a best friend that I care about! They don't exist here! I may never see them again! I'm totally alone! So go ahead! Do your worst.
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we can... help each other.
: '''Ben:''' You'd do that? What's that sound?
: '''Rex:''' My brother.
: '''Ben:''' Is he like you?
: '''Rex:''' Uh, no. Caesar's a little crazy and he's working for the wrong side, but, otherwise, not so bad.
: '''Ben:''' What constitutes &quot;not so bad&quot; here on opposite world?
: '''Caesar:''' No! We need that!
: '''Rex:''' To blow my head off?
: '''Caesar:''' To stop that!
: '''Rex:''' What is that?
: '''Caesar:''' A bad, bad thing.
: '''Alpha:''' Why would you speak of me so, father? I am your Alpha. I came home. You are pleased?
: '''Caesar:''' No. Not especially.
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Alpha:''' What has happened here? Why so many brothers?
: '''Caesar:''' We had an accident.
: '''Alpha:''' The bodies I built, father-- they still do not last. But my brothers are free. I can control them. They could help make me complete. Aah!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, stay back!
: '''Alpha:''' I am still weak, father. I need more. Will you help me live?
: '''Caesar:''' I don't believe so, Alpha.
: '''Alpha:''' That... is a very disappointing response.
: '''Diamondhead:''' Then you really won't like this one!
: ''[Diamondhead grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' Don't let it touch him!
: '''Alpha:''' You control nanites, yet you are human. How is this possible? Tell me the secret.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, Caesar... What is that thing? Why did it call you &quot;father&quot;?
: '''Caesar:''' It's migrating. We have to follow it-- Now! These were gathered from the area of the space-time rift, and you'll find them everywhere Alpha goes.
: '''Ben:''' I take it those are nanites?
: '''Caesar:''' Dead nanites, drained by the entity you just fought and, incidentally, the thing that dragged you here from your Earth.
: '''Rex:''' His Earth? He really is from a parallel world?
: '''Ben:''' Science class much?
: '''Caesar:''' I believe it's been searching for a way home. It was possibly attracted to your weapon before it found its way here. A powerful device, no doubt.
: '''Ben:''' It's called the Ultimatrix. It has the DNA of a million aliens.
: '''Rex:''' Ri-i-i-ght. Aliens. And leprechauns gave me these goggles! I'm curious how big brother knows about something from a parallel dimension.
: '''Caesar:''' Because I sent it there. In the early days of the Nanite Program, our goal was simple- - Construct micromachines to cure diseases, grow new cells, regenerate bones. But there was a control issue. Some thought a human-machine link was the answer. Others proposed that the machines could control themselves. I was in the latter camp. I developed the Alpha to command other nanites. To maximize its effectiveness, I had to program Alpha to think for itself. 
: '''Ben:''' Does a long explanation mean something bad on your Earth, too?
: '''Rex:''' Yep.
: '''Caesar:''' Alpha developed its own consciousness. It evolved into a unique life form and wanted a body, but whatever it built burnt out. So, when Alpha attempted possessing living things, Alpha had to be eliminated. So, I built a dimensional disruptor.
: '''Ben:''' That sounds like a Null Void gun. We've got those on my Earth, too.
: '''Caesar:''' I designed it to send the Alpha to an empty space where it wouldn't do any more damage. That's what I was attempting to do again-- Until you destroyed it.
: '''Ben:''' But the Null Void isn't empty. It's a prison for intergalactic criminals.
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. I see. Then, clearly, it found a host within a mechanical one. Alpha did always have a way with machines. It's been gaining mass and energy from machines and other nanites. It's able to stabilize a host body, there's no limit to the amount of damage it can cause.
: '''Rex:''' So, just cook up another bazooka thingy, and let's go zap it!
: '''Caesar:''' Too late for that, Rex! Ilo siento, mijo!
: '''Rex:''' Tell me that's a new weapon! Caesar! Eww! Do... you... have any idea what it smells like in there, dude?
: '''Ben:''' I'm sure you can handle a little arborian musk to save your nuts and bolts... Dude.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry. Thanks. I'm just-- Ugh! This day started off perfectly. Now there's aliens, my partner's in a coma, and my brother's trying to kill me.
: '''Ben:''' Maybe he was trying to protect us. Alpha was right there, and now it's not.
: '''Rex:''' You're one of those glass-half-full guys, aren't you?
: '''Ben:''' Here on &quot;Crazy Earth&quot;, why not?
: '''Rex:''' Holiday is Six--?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He's the same, but the Knights have figured out how to close the Rift. You need to get Mister Ten back to New York if he ever wants to see his home again.
: '''Rex:''' Figures. Just when I almost considered liking you.
: '''Ben:''' Hold on a second. You think I'm leaving you like this? This might not be my Earth, but it's still Earth-- Sort of.
: '''Rex:''' Thanks, but this is my problem, not yours.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we need you back at base. It's here.

===Heroes United, Part 2===
:'''Alpha:''' Come to me, my siblings.
:''[Dr. Holiday smooches]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'll be back.
:'''Alpha:''' The nanites in those creatures-- They are different, powerful. Your nanites are weak. I have no use for you. Where is the boy?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His nanites are off limits!
:''[Dr. Holiday straining]''
:''[Dr. Holiday groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Feel like giving me a hand?
:'''Ben:''' How about four?
:'''Rex:''' I'm starting to like the way you think, Ben 10.
:''[Four Arms grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Alpha:''' You cannot keep me from what I seek.
:'''Rex:''' My brother? Look around! He's not here!
:'''Alpha:''' The father is redundant now that I found you.
:'''Rex:''' Aah!
:'''Alpha:''' I cannot merge! What makes you so special, human? Yes! You shelter an Omega.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Ya-a-a-h! That was my leg!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Your move.
:'''Ben:''' This brother wants to blow you up, and she's your friend? You might be safer on my Earth.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex can lose his builds relatively pain-free.
:'''Ben:''' Are you seriously gonna just wait around?
:'''Rex:''' It wants nanites-- My nanites. Holiday thinks it'll come back for me, but, yeah, I'd rather go after the thing, knock it into another dimension.
:'''Ben:''' But your bio-whatevers need a break. I get it.
:'''Bobo:''' Ya missed.
:'''Ben:''' At least you hit the rim that time.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, thanks.
:'''Ben:''' So, what's happened to you, anyways?
:'''Rex:''' I was gonna ask you the same thing.
:'''Ben:''' It started when the Omnitrix fell out of the sky. I was ten years old.
:'''Rex:''' Six years ago, the Nanite Event changed everything.
:'''Ben:''' And there's alien DNA in the Omnitrix.
:'''Rex:''' And that's how I can build stuff with the micromachines in my body.
:'''Ben:''' Now Kevin, Gwen, and I are the plumbers.
:'''Rex:''' Plumbers? I thought &quot;Providence&quot; was a dumb name.
:''[Rex and Ben laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' Nice assist.
:'''Ben:''' That's how we get it done.
:'''White Knight:''' Satscan just picked up the Alpha. It's at the bug jar.
:'''Rex:''' The bug jar is shielded.
:'''White Knight:''' Not anymore.
:'''Rex:''' So much for waiting. Let's do this!
:''[Ben sniffs]''
:'''Ben:''' Why does my jacket smell like bananas?
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! This feels tight.
:'''Bobo:''' You guys are our best hope? We're doomed.
:'''Ben:''' If this is the bug jar--
:'''Rex:''' Then where are the bugs?
:'''Diamondhead:''' Whoa. What do you call that?
:'''White Knight:''' I call it the entire nanite population of the bug jar.
:'''Alpha:''' The power to change life itself-- What foolishness to give my brothers such a command.
:'''Rex:''' Preaching into the choir, buddy.
:'''White Knight:''' Don't let it get to Rex! If it drains his nanites--
:'''Diamondhead:''' Game over-- Understood.
:'''Rex:''' It already tried to eat me. That didn't work.
:'''White Knight:''' That thing was made to control machines, and until it burns through them, it's got every active nanite in the bug jar at its command. You think you can stop that?
:'''Rex and Diamondhead:''' We can try!
:'''Ben:''' That thing just hacked my watch!
:'''Rex:''' You're going to run out of nanites eventually.
:'''Alpha:''' Incorrect, Thanks to the one thing left on this Earth that can create them-- Your Omega. They thought it could replace me. Now it will make me whole.
:'''Rex:''' Aah! I could use an alien right now!
:''[White Knight screams]''
:'''Ben:''' Great idea, but a certain nanite monster busted my watch!
:'''Rex:''' Do something-- Anything! Do something better!
:'''Ben:''' I could try calling it names!
:'''Rex:''' Let... me... go! Aah!
:''[Rex breathing heavily]''
:'''Rex:''' As long as I fight it, it's like the Alpha and Omega cancel each other out.
:'''Alpha:''' An alternate path is required.
:'''Ben:''' Aah! Stop! He did it again!
:'''Rex:''' No! It's worse!
:'''Alpha:''' Your machine is most interesting. Perhaps within I can find a suitable host.
:''[Alpha Heatblast roars]''
:'''Ben:''' Can he do that?
:'''Rex:''' I think he just did.
:'''Ben and Rex''': Aah!
:'''Ben:''' I think you're really fried at this time. Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Hey! It's me you want.
:'''Alpha Heatblast:''' You presume so much, brother. Organics who rely on machines for their power, I don't need. The machines themselves-- Now, those I will have.
:'''Rex:''' Machines not sold separately, Alfalfa. And stop calling me your brother!
:''[Alpha Four Arms growls]''
:'''Ben:''' Okay. You've got to admit that looks pretty cool. Should I try those insults now?
:''[Alpha Four Arms growls]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Ugh!
:''[Shocksquatch roars]''
:'''Shocksquatch''': Wow, this is unexpected.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Well, blast it or something!
:'''Shocksquatch:''' I have no idea what this alien does. I've never seen it before.
:'''Rex:''' You're not filling me with confidence.
:''[Shocksquatch grunts]''
:'''Shocksquatch:''' Ohh, yeah! Ye-e-e-s! Yes! Yes!
:'''Ben:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, man!
:''[Alpha Humungousaur growls]''
:'''Rex:''' Your faceplate's fractured, White. Get out of here before it cracks through.
:'''White Knight:''' Not a chance. Six would have your back. I'm here in his place.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, your biometrics are dangerously low. You need to get away.
:'''Rex:''' Listen to me, Alpha controls nanites. So do I. Why don't I just shut him down?
:'''Ben:''' Hey, Jerk-asaur! You're a loser! Ha! You see that? Hero Time!
:'''Rath:''' Oh, yeah! Let's cause some pain!
:'''White Knight:''' Wait! Not while they're linked!
:'''Rath:''' Oh, you did not just stop me!
:'''Alpha:''' The power you hold is impressive.
:'''Rex:''' You mean the power to kick your butt?
:'''Alpha:''' The power to create machines. You are not worthy of such a gift. The Omega nanite is mine.
:'''Rath:''' Aaah! Take this and this! What do you think of what?!
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Alpha:''' I misguided to place my trust in a father that did not want me. I never needed him. I simply needed the energy and means to do what I have always done-- Evolve.
:'''Ben:''' You okay?
:'''Rex:''' No. Definitely not okay. It took my Omega nanite, and I think I know what I wants.
:'''Alpha:''' Behold, organics... The beginning and the end of all things. I am Alpha-Omega. This is the twilight of humanity. Alpha-Omega destroys all.
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Rex:''' Holiday, are you seeing this?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unfortunately, yes. We're not looking at random destruction. Alpha is synthesizing the matter around him to build his own nanite.
:'''Rex:''' Thanks to my Omega nanite!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This isn't your fault, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Sure feels like it. I woke up this morning on top of the world. Now I'm about to witness the end of it. Six was right.
:'''Ben:''' I don't think this is how it was meant to play out. I've seen what you can do.
:'''Rex:''' My most powerful builds came from the Omega nanite. A lot of people are going to get hurt, and I can't stop it. What happens when the best you can do just... isn't enough?
:'''Ben:''' You get an Upgrade.
:'''Rex:''' Weren't you listening? Alpha has the Omega.
:'''Ben:''' I'm not talking about a nanite.
:''[Transforms into Upgrade]''
:'''Rex:'''  Hey! What are you-- ''[Upgrade merges with Rex]'' Whoa! Okay. That feels weird. ''[Upgrade covers Rex's body like a suit]'' Whoa! What supposed to happen now? ''[Upgrade's head appears on Rex's left shoulder]'' Aah! Ohh! Don't do that! You're freaking me out!
:'''Upgrade:''' Build something!
:'''Rex:''' ''[Builds a Smack Arm, which is modified by Upgrade]'' Sa-weet! So, what's the plan?
:'''Upgrade:''' You build stuff, I make it better, fight, fight, fight, we win!
:'''Rex:''' Works for me! ''[Rex builds a Boogie Pack and blasts off]'' WHOO-HOO!
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Rex:''' Ye-e-e-ah!
:'''Upgrade:''' Nice shot, Rex! Run, run, run, run, run, run, run!
:''[Alpha-Omega screams]''
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Rex and Ben:''' Aah! Oof!
:''[Rex and Ben groaning]''
:'''Rex:''' We need a direct hit on the Alpha.
:'''Ben:''' More insults? I've got a good one.
:'''Rex:''' I've got an idea, but you have to trust me. When I fire, you've got to make your roly-poly thing.
:'''Ben:''' You're not thinking of--
:'''Rex:''' Yup.
:'''Ben:''' Isn't that dangerous?
:'''Rex:''' Probably.
:'''Ben:''' On three?
:'''Rex:''' I've officially decided I like you, monster guy.
:'''Ben:''' Same here, robot kid. One--
:'''Rex:''' Two-- Three!
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' WOO-HOO! Yeah! Oh, yeah! He shoots! He scores! WHOO! And the crowd goes wild!
:''[Rex imitates crowd cheering]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa, there, little nanite brothers. Where do you think you're going? Alpha's not the only one who can tell you what to do.
:'''Ben:''' Isn't your Omega Nanite going to be in there, too?
:'''Caesar:''' I'll handle that. Where are you, little guy? Got it! Look! It worked!
:'''Ben:''' And that, my friend, is how you save the world.
:'''Caesar:''' Very clever, little brother. The density of this sphere is over thirty grams per centimeter cubed. It would be extremely difficult for Alpha to slip through the molecules of this, assuming it survived compaction. We need to get rid of it.
:'''Rex:''' Caesar, wait!
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, I wasn't fully able to repair the Void gun. I'm not sure how long my repairs will hold before it discharges. We only get one shot at this, and we have to do it fast. It's now or never, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' How are you going to carry it? That thing must weigh ten tons!
:'''Ben:''' I'm not going to carry it.
:'''Upchuck:''' Let's do this again someday.
:''[Upchuck munching]''
:''[Upchuck gulping]''
:'''Rex:''' Wow! That's just-- Wow! Six?
:'''Bobo:''' He's gone.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Weakly]'' Gone?
:'''Bobo:''' To the little ninja's room.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's going to be fine, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' He is?! All right! Yes! Oh, man, I knew it! I knew the whole time!
:''[Rex laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' I mean... cool. I'm glad you're alive!
:'''Six:''' Me too.
:'''Rex:''' I was so scared, Six. I've never done anything so hard in all my life. I really thought the world was going to end, And then I totally kicked butt!
:'''Six:''' I hear you had a little help.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, when his monster watch wasn't conked out. Ben was a cool kid. I wonder if I'll ever see him again.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' With infinite dimensions, the math doesn't work in your favor, Rex.
:'''Bobo:''' Math-- The enemy of all things good.
:'''Six:''' Although-- The cosmos works in mysterious ways. I think certain people are meant to meet, to fight side by side, to be friends. You may see one another sooner than you think.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Caesar?! How did you...?
:'''Caesar:''' Okay. Before White Knight comes looking for me here, one last piece of unfinished business.
:'''Rex:''' You're sure this is the Omega, right? I mean, you didn't grab the Alpha by mistake?
:'''Caesar:''' 100% certain. Well, actually 99.998%. Nothing is 100%.

===Phantom of the Soap Opera===
:'''Rex Salazar:''' In a world he never chose and barely understands... ''[Rex looks over the countryside from a cliff, jumps and lands in a snow scene]'' One incredibly good looking guy fights for us all. His name...you know it baby...Rex. ''[jumps into a lake scene]'' Forget train wrecks... ''[punches]'' And car wrecks... ''[kicks]'' Nothing brings the pain like this Rex. ''[runs into city scene. EVO walks down street, Rex runs up, jumps, grabs EVO's head and tears it off. Holds it over his head in victory gesture.]''
:'''Actor in costume:''' Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious kid.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Ah, anytime you want to stop trying to get me fired get back to the tour.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. Got caught up in the moment.
:'''Actor in costume:''' Ah, dude?
:''[Rex puts head back on the man in EVO costume.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' And on your left, the sound stage where they make the hit TV show Middle School Talent show.
:''[Teen girls on tour squeal and run towards it.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' That's a closed set. ''[Noah pulls on his hair]'' C'mon, this is my first week as a page, I could lose my job!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got this. ''[pulls girls back from stage with turbines]'' I just don't get girls, how come they get so... ''[notices something behind Noah, acts all excited]'' Huh hu oh huh... oh El Amor de la Pasion del Amor! Why didn't you tell me EADLPDA was made here?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Um, probably because I didn't really believe you actually still watch a soap opera.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's a telenovela. The actresses are smoking hot. And I don't have cable?...ah c'mon dude don't be a hater. ''[crosses arms]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Whatever. We're not going in there, they get like ten safety violations a week, no one's allowed in accept crew and studio staff.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You mean like pages? ''[Brushes Noah's shoulder with his hand, smiling. Noah brushes his hand away.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' No way. My boss is a total butt-buster for the rules and she is always watching. ''[makes binocular with his hands]''
:'''Head Page:''' You got that right bub. ''[Rex looks behind him, and jumps away]'' By the way Page, you lose something? ''[has three girls from Noah's tour group tied up in a rope]'' Found these wandering over by Middle School Talent Show. ''[Noah runs over and unties them, rope falls]''
:'''Head Page:''' ''[points to her left eye]'' I got my one good eye on you, Nixon.
:''[On set of telenovela]''
:''[Isabella crying]''
:'''Reymundo:''' Pensabas que yo era tu marido. ¡Pero fue una mentira! Pero la verdad es que soy Reymundo, el hermano diabólico de Reynaldo.
:'''Isabella:''' Yo sé, pero todavía te amo.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[standing by salad bar in cafeteria looking up at TV screen]'' How can anyone say that's not great!
:''[Man in cowboy hat tips his hat to Noah]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa? Celebrities know you?
:''[There are drinks on their trays at this point, then in the next frame there are no drinks on their trays and they go over to get drinks.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' The only one here who knows my name is my boss. I'm just a newb on an internship.
:''[Blond girl puts her hand on Noah's shoulder and reaches across him to get a soda, walks away, looks back and gives him a finger gun.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Yeah right, you just got a finger gun from TV weather lady Summer Sonnenshine.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' It's the page jacket not me, if you put this thing on everyone would think you work here. Still. I gotta admit it's pretty cool.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Y'know, I didn't even know you'd applied for this. But I guess when you jump ahead in time you gotta expect some surprises...OH MY GOSH... ''[drops tray]'' It's Isabella, from El Amor del Pasion del Amor.
:''[Rex throws up his arms, knocks tray into Noah's chest spilling it all over his jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' AHHH!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I know she's even hotter in real life than she is on the...
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[looks down at tray and jacket]'' Ohhhhh...
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, okay don't worry...
:'''Head Page:''' ''[yelling at another page behind Rex]'' You call yourself a page!
:'''Rex:''' Okay worry. ''[puts his fingers together]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' This is a huge violation of the dress code, oh I am so fired!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No you're not. Come on, move!
:''[They run to a supply closet.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I've gotta lead another tour in forty-five minutes. We can't get to a dry cleaners and back in forty-five minutes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is my bad, but I can fix this. ''[Noah panicking, rocking and hyperventilating]'' We just have to calm down and think. Just calm down. ''[Rex points at Noah]'' Noah, calm down!
:''[Rex grabs a bottle of pickles off the shelf, opens the lid and throw contents of jar at Noah's head. A pickle ends up in Noah's mouth, he spits it out.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Not helping. ''[Noah, calm now and not hyperventilating and rocking, wipes pickle juice out of his eyes.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, listen we passed the wardrobe department on the tour, they've gotta have a washer and dryer right?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Uh... yeah, I guess?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Alright, good, give me your outfit and stay put, I'll take care of everything else.
:''[Scene change. Sign which says laundry stages commissary.]''
:''[Rex runs towards laundry, passes stage of telenovela. Grins and stops. Looks into open door. Looks down at soiled jacket. Up at stage doorway. Walks away. Runs back and grins bigger. Walks into stage with Noah's jacket on.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh--
:'''Isabella:''' Finally! You are here!
:''[Isabella kisses Rex all over his face.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is happening, right? I'm not going to wake up and be making out with my pillow again am I?
:'''Isabella:''' Come with me, they want to cancel us you know. That's why the studio puts us here in this place falling apart with all the accidentes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Soap operas do not get the respect they deserve.
:'''Isabella:''' You are very wise for your age. We don't even go backstage anymore. Too dangerous.
:''[A silhouette of a rat is seen, it squeaks]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Is that our page?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh...
:''[Rex falls]''
:'''Isabella:''' He's mine, I saw him first!
:''[Rex gets up and Isabella grabs him.]''
:'''Isabella:''' He is mine!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hum?
:'''Beatriz:''' Why don't we let him decide?
:'''[Rex is being pulled back and forth]''
:'''Isabella:''' You would like that wouldn't you?
:'''Beatriz:''' Yes I would! Very much.
:'''Isabella:''' Fine.
:''[Girls growl at each other and walk away.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[grinning]'' Did they just cat-fight over me?
:''[The girls come back with lists.]''
:'''Isabella:''' Here is a list of what I need you to do!
:'''Beatriz:''' And here's mine!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You want me to work on the show?
:'''Beatriz:''' Claro que si, we haven't had a page on set in ages.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' But I'm not ... ''[looks over the girls]'' ...able to think of one reason why I would pass this up.
:''[Screen cuts to Noah looking out the door. He sees the chief page and closes the door quickly, after that, the scene changes back to Rex carrying boxes of water with yogurt on top.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got your yogurt, but I couldn't find the water you wanted. So I got these.
:'''Isabella:''' You are dead to me! But I will take this one. ''[takes yogurt]''
:''[Rex stares in shock and drops the boxes full of water.]''
:''[Old man walks in a dressing room, and Reynaldo comes out soon later.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, it's Reynaldo! Uh, coffee? ''[offers him a mug of coffee]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Gracias.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Leche?
:'''Reynaldo:''' How dare you! I am lactose intolerant.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh, okay, didn't know that. Sugar?
:''[Reynaldo knocks the sugar out of his hand.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Real men take their coffee strong and hot. Are you suggesting that I am not a real man?
:''[Rex looks around and the phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex, where are you?
:'''Reynaldo:''' No phone! ''[Reynaldo knocks the phone out of his hand.]'' You will talk to me face to face. Mano a mano! ''[grabs Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait what are you... ''[Reynaldo pulls Rex away from table. Stage light falls where Rex was standing]'' ...Oh, thanks!
:''[Everyone runs up to them.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Not another accidente!
:'''Isabella:''' ''[scared]'' Ay. Dios mio! No!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's okay, I'm fine.
:'''Isabella:''' ''[pushes Rex down]'' My jogurt!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'd hate to be the guy that has to clean that up... ''[whispers to man though they look at him]'' Oh. ''[Reynaldo hands him the mop.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone was trying to kill us.
:'''Reynaldo:''' Someone is. The head of the studio is trying to kill our soap opera. That's why he put us in this accursed stage, with all these accidentes. But we... ''[another stage light falls and hits his head, he falls to the ground]'' Aahh... Por que? Ay.
:''[Rex looks up and sees a mongoose...runs after it...goes backstage. Sees clowns and a sign saying “Mongo”.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ugh! Clowns.
:''[The mongoose squeaks.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Lemme guess. You're the one who's been causing all the accidents.
:''[Mongo growls, bears teeth]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, let's say we can wrap this up quietly. Last thing I need is someone wondering why the guy in the page jacket can do this. ''[wraps Mongo up in the whip thing, Mongo gets tiny, escapes, growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Guess that explains how you've been able to hide out back here. ''[Mongo pulls lever cannon comes out of floor and fires at Rex. Platform falls Rex dodges. Mongo squeaks]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Can we please do this a little more quietly and with a lot less YOU trying to kill me?
:''[Mongo jumps into the “O” of his name on the sign.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Wait, that's you, isn't it? You just want your job back. I can help you. ''[reaches in and tries to cure him Mongo runs out and traps Rex's hand]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Enough with the booby traps, I'm trying to help you. ''[Mongo sets off another trap]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh-oh. [makes big fist, weight on rope swings and hits Rex, makes noise]
:'''Beatriz:''' What's going on back there?
:'''Isabella:''' Where is that page? I am beginning to wonder ...HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR HIM TO CLEAN UP MY JOGURT!!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Getting thrown around back stage]'' Ouch. ''[gets beat up by mechanical clowns]''
:''[Mongo cuts stars from ceiling they fall and cut Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ok, New plan-- First I smash your face, then I cure you.
:''[Mongo knocks over equipment]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. ''[grabs equipment, Mongo jumps on his arm, punches him and he falls]'' Oww! Look out!
:''[Actors run from set, Rex falls and smashes set]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uhh, okay here's the deal—all the accidents you've been having they were caused by an EVO backstage. It used to be a mongoose and now it wants it's old job back. ''[last wall of stage set falls behind him]''
:'''Beatriz:''' What are jou talking about?
:'''Isabella:''' We just saw you ruin our set.
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are trying to destroy this soap opera just like the rest of them! It is true what they say, this sound stage must be cursed for us to have such a horrible page such as you, Senior... ''[looks at name badge]'' Noah Nixon.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, wait. This isn't Noah's fault.
:''[Three actors gasps]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' ''[tears off his own shirt]'' Now you insult us by talking about yourself in the third person! Somehow we must rebuild and finish our shoot! But as soon as we do, Noah Nixon, I will have you fired!
:''[Workers fixing set, Rex's phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex! Finally. How's the jacket?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Umm. Well, the good news is you won't notice the stain anymore. Hey uh, by the way, your page training, did it include anything about the creepy backstage in studio B?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' What? Why are you--
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No reason. I was just thinking, hypothetically, what would happen if I used your jacket to take a quick peek at the telenovela and ended up chasing some killer EVO mongoose? Hypothetically... Uh...Noah?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Sorry, just trying to figure out how to tell my parents I have no future.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey I got this. I hit a little snag. Just keep your pants on.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[sitting the maintenance closet in his underwear]'' Heh!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry, look, you don't have anything to worry about all I have to do is catch the EVO before they finish shooting and clear my... your name.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' You know what? I'm not worried. I am completely resigned to the fact that I am losing my job. ''[Noah hangs up on Rex. Rex hears dial tone.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' ''[to Reynaldo]'' You are bleeding!
:'''Reynaldo:''' What I am is an actor! We must shoot this scene. We cannot let them cancel us! ''[moans and falls on his face crushing a chair]''
:'''Beatriz:''' You cannot go on.
:'''Isabella:''' If only there were someone else here who knows our show, is fluent in Spanish, and will do a scene in which he kisses me.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'll do it!!!
:'''Reynaldo:''' You? The one who ruined our set and lied about the EVO? I'd rather die! But then, my life will surely end if the show is canceled, so maybe... But no! It's impossible. But yet, what is more impossible than a dream. Nothing means more than my dream of saving this telenovela!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' So, is that a--
:'''Reynaldo:''' Si. You will be our savior. And then I will have you fired. Accion!
:''[Rex is dressed as Reynaldo. Takes Isabella in his arms and looks deep into her eyes, smiles..then turns away, sees Mongo and gasps. Isabella pulls his face back to her and puckers for a kiss. Mongo squeaks and runs out the door and Rex turns his eyes towards it.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[thinking]'' Okay no kiss, but you're gonna save Noah's job! ''[groans]'' Nope. Doesn't make it any better. ''[Runs out Isabelle runs after him, trips on his wig and falls to the ground gasping, reaching after him]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[makes Rex Ride to chase Mongo down alley. Runs into a set. Falls]'' Where'd you go?
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Page! Take this script to post, pronto.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait, I'm not--
:'''Guy in suit:''' Oh? You're not going to do it? Are you talking back to me Mr.... Nixon?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. Mr. Nixon is not definitely not talking back to whoever you are. ''[takes script, leaves]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[Points in the other direction of where Rex was going. Rex goes where he's pointing]''
:''[Rex walks by alley hears Mongo munching garbage, sneaks up, tries to cure it. It escapes, Rex corners it in dead end alley]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Oh you're not so tough when you can't hide, are you? ''[Mongo growls and grows huge]'' Oh so you can do that too. ''[Mongo roars, swipes at Rex with claws]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, watch the jacket. I'm in enough trouble already. ''[Sets down scripts. Big fists. Mongo shrinks to escape. Rex falls to the ground. Mongo gets huge again behind him, tries to stomp on Rex, Rex rolls out of the way, Mongo shrinks and runs away, Rex climbs out of hole in ground breathing heavily and falls to ground.]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' ''[walks up]'' Are you kidding me? You still haven't delivered that script? ''[Rex runs off]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[points in other direction, Rex runs that way]''
:''[Mongo jumps off roof grows huge lands on Rex, grabs script.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, gimme that! ''[grabs Mongo with big fist throws him into a stage building]''
:''[Rex looks in the hole into the stage.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. ''[runs off after Mongo]''
:''[Mongo throws him higher than the roof tops, Rex lands on big feet, Mongo tackles him. Rex lands in front of the post building, grabs remains of script out of Mongo's mouth. Mongo runs away, Rex gathers script remains and hands it to man at post door.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I think this is for you. ''[runs after Mongo]''
:''[Phone rings]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Did you catch it?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Not yet, but I delivered a script for you, well, most of it.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I am so dead.
:'''Lady with clipboard:''' ''[grabs Rex by the collar]'' Noah Nixon, you're right on time for your two p.m. tour. ''[Gives Rex clipboard and keys]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Driving tram with tourists]'' Uh, there's a building where some TV shows are made and there's another one and oh great there's the giant killer EVO.
:''[Mongo chasing tram, Rex steps on gas. Tram goes sloooow. Mongo attacks tram. Rex lands, catches tourists with big hands, flies off on hoverboard]''
:'''Tourist:''' They had better special effects at my kids' school play.
:''[Back on soap opera stage]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I need a bigger reaction from you. Bigger!
:''[Rex crashes through ceiling with Mongo hanging on the bottom of his hoverboard, heading towards Isabella.]''
:''[Isabella screams and covers head, Mongo crashes into set]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Yes! That's it exactly!
:''[Mongo growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Be careful or you're gonna get the hand. ''[big fists with right hand. Mongo jumps at him, Rex grins and raises his left hand and cures Mongo. Mongo lays on ground cute and unconscious.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' That's not the hand I meant.
:''[Actors, stunned, applaud]''
:''[Rex picks up Mongo.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are a good page, Noah Nixon.
:''[Mongo wakes up runs around on Rex and perches on his shoulder cutely.]''
:''[At supply closet with Noah, Rex walks in holding torn up jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Oh, my jacket! ''[Cuddles jacket, then holds it up and glares at Rex through the hole in it. Rex grins guiltily.]''
:''[Head Page walks in, Noah hides jacket, then realizes he is in underwear and tries to hide himself behind jacket.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I got a dozen calls from all over the lot about you, Nixon. I don't know what you were thinking. ''[He sits down, sweat runs down his face, he closes his eyes, frowns, runs head away. Head page grabs him and hugs him.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I'm proud of you, kiddo! It took me sixty seven years to make chief page. I bet you'll get the job in half that time. ''[Noah stands up holding jacket in front of him. Rex and Noah look puzzled Head Page walks to door, turns back]''
:'''Head Page:''' Oh and them soap opera fellas, eh, they got a special reward for you. ''[they look at each other with puzzled frowns]''
:''[Telenovela stage, Noah dressed as Reynaldo. Isabella kisses him.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' And cut! You look differante than you did before, Noah Nixon. ''[Noah looks up at his blond eyebrows and takes off the wig and mustache. Smiles at Reynaldo. Reynaldo looks at him thoughtfully.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I can see you've been to makeup. Good you finally look like a real man! ''[Noah smiles.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' [peeking in from backstage, makes a jealous face as Noah is laughing together with the actors.] It's okay, it's okay. You're a good friend, you're a good friend.
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Quit talking to yourself and get me some coffee! ''[Rex runs off]'' Nixon!
:''[Mongo looking down from rafters]''

===Riddle of the Sphinx===
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' They uncovered the tunnel during routine sewer work. No one has set foot in here in over 3.500 years.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Providence doesn't work the location yet?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' ''[laughs]'' The antiquities comission does not like this Black Knight. They keep her busy with much paperwork.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The maze looks like it extends for miles. They do that to keep looters out?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' Or to keep something in.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Anything that was trapped in here couldn't be alive after all this time.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' I-I-I must go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''': Watch out! Bobby traps.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' That's not what I'm afraid of.
:'''Bobo:''' It's only been a few days since we heard from Holiday.
:'''Six:''' Something's wrong.
:'''Bobo:''' Maybe she wanted a vacation from you clowns. &quot;Something's wrong.&quot;
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Providence! She in is trouble.
:'''Six:''' Black Knight. And she has your better half.
:'''Bobo:''' I'm predictin' an awkward situation.
:'''Black Knight:''' Hello, Rex. If you came for your friend, I'll have to disappoint you.
:'''Rex:''' That hairy creep? You can keep the traitor. Hey! My faithful guide, why don't you go away while we discuss business?
:'''Bobo:''' It's me, you dopey tin can! Beat it! Or the boss lady's gonna get wise to our little switcheroo.
:'''Rex:''' What's the campout for?
:'''Black Knight:''' Routine scientific research.
:'''Rex:''' Look, I know Holiday was here. What'd you do with her?
:'''Black Knight:''' We arrived an hour ago. The locals say Holiday unleashed a monster down in the tunnels. The situation's under control. As soon as we've secured the tunnels, I'll send a team in to see if she's still alive.
:'''Rex:''' I'm going with you.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're going nowhere. You quit Providence. Unless you're recosindering?
:'''Rex:''' Come on, guide. Holiday's in those tunnels. But Black Knight has a whole battalion of Providence goons guarding the entrance.
:'''Six:''' I figured she'd be no help. That's why I found someone who knows a back way in.
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The Kushari is healthy. For the stomach, good.
:'''Rex:''' Enough about the Kushari! Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' For so young, you in such a hurry. And old cook like me, I live by selling Kushari. Why not buy some? You buy, I give you more information.
:'''Bobo:''' Ah, come on. Stop bein' so stingy. Buy some more.
:'''Six:''' Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The sewer man-- They came to fix a leak. They found the tunnel to the entrance in my basement.
:'''Bobo:''' Mmm!
:'''Rex:''' Way cool! Maybe we'll see some mummies!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Tell us where Holiday is!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Where do you think I am?
:'''Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Bobo:''' So, what's with the halloween get up, doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I found it in one of the chambers. Scares off the curious. I need to get to the bottom of all this before Black Knight.
:'''Rex:''' The bottom of what? This is all ancient history?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You can this ancient history?
:'''Rex:''' That looks like a nanite!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's because it is a nanite.
:'''Six:''' How could they have knowledge back then?
:'''Rex:''' Aliens! Like the ones that built the pyramids.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' None of this is more advanced that the 21st century. It's not aliens. I think the answers lie behind this door. But I can't figure out how to open it.
:'''Rex:''' Open the door? No problem, Doc!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Stop! This whole place is booby-trapped. We open this wrong, they'll bring the tunnels down on us.
:'''Rex:''' If there's a wrong way to open it, then that means there's a right way, too. Maybe the nanite picture is a clue. The whole thing is rigged like one. Told you-- No prob. Whoa, mumies.
:'''Bobo:''' What are you lookin' at, beautiful?
:'''Rex:''' Ha! Awesome! I'd love to see the look on Knight's face when she finds out we've beat her here.
:'''Black Knight:''' Then let me step a little closer so you can see.
:'''Six:''' How'd you find us?
:'''Black Knight:''' Your mole helped me.
:'''Bobo:''' Sorry, pal.
:'''Black Knight:''' I should have known better. It's old junk from the dead.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Guranset:''' Gharun Set is not dead.
:'''Rex:''' Put her down!
:'''Black Knight:''' This isn't the time for violence. Our host has forgotten his manners. I presume he hasn't had guests in a long time.
:'''Guranset:''' Almost an eternity. Gharun Set said has waited for his release. Awaken this cursed prison through the ages.
:'''Black Knight:''' You speak English. That is interesting. Who taught your own language, Gharun Set?
:'''Guranset:''' I was taught by the great father.
:'''Black Knight:''' Father? What did he look me?
:'''Guranset:''' He is dead-- As all of you soon shall be!
:'''Black Knight:''' Now's the time for violence.
:'''Guranset:''' Aah!
:'''Black Knight:''' A nanite disrupter. Something I had your brother's lab whip up. It's quite lethal.
:'''Rex:''' Looks like the lab forgot to tell him that.
:'''Guranset:''' The boy controls the engines of life? It can't be. I laid low the armies of six kingdoms, swordsman. You think your tiny blades can stop me?
:'''Rex:''' Try this one for size!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His staff is a nanite disrupter. Get it away from him.
:'''Rex:''' Easier said than done!
:'''Guranset:''' Haah!
:'''Rex:''' Oh, mummies!
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, yeah, you got your mummies. I hope you're happy!
:'''Six:''' Rex! We can handle this! He's getting away!
:'''Guranset:''' One last trap to keep me imprisoned, father. Nothing will keep me from my destiny! You serve his plan, child, and don't even know it.
:'''Rex:''' Everybody talk weird in ancient Egypt, or it is just your special thing? Uh... are they supposed to do that?
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Guranset:''' Finally! I am free!
:'''Six:''' These EVO's won't say dead.
:'''Bobo:''' Their breath stinks, too! Ah, boy!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You could thank me for saving your life.
:'''Black Knight:''' Dr. Holiday, our lives are not safe yet.
:'''Guranset:''' I am not alone. Together, we shall reconquer this land, and then.. the world!
:'''Rex:''' Uh, I think the sun's baked him loopy. You can't reanimate that. It's a statue.
:'''Guranset:''' This is not statue, child. It is a tomb. Arise, my mighty steed. Arise, my sphinx!
:'''Rex:''' Providence, this is Rex. You may want to evacuate Cairo.
:'''Guranset:''' This city is a blight upon my kingdom. All shall be as it once was.
:'''Rex:''' I'm warning you, Gharun Set-- I don't want to have to get rough with you. Step off the pussycat.
:'''Guranset:''' You presume to tell a pharaoph what to do. Be gone!
:'''Six:''' Holiday. There's something I want to tell you before it's too late.
:'''Bobo:''' Ugh. Hold still! Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All of them. Like the nanites keeping them alive... self-destructed? I'm sorry. What were you going to say?
:'''Six:''' Holiday... I, uh...
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hold that thought.
:'''Bobo:''' What's it gonna be, the kooky chicks or we go help Rex save the world?
:'''Six:''' Rex probably has this under control. Holiday needs my-- our help.
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, I can't resist a good catfight either.
:'''Rex:''' Let me handle! This it's too dangerous!
:'''Pilot:''' Black Knight, target sighted. It's riding a 50-foot-tall house cat. Please advise.
:'''Black Knight:''' Do not harm. Contain and capture. We need that specimen.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Pilot disregard. Last order. Target no longer needed. Destroy. Repeat-- Destroy.
:'''Pilot:''' You're with the lady. Lock and load.
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! Get out of here! I don't know what he's up to, but it's not good.
:'''Garunset:''' Behold the majesty of my dream. My kingdom! My paradise!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What is this place?
:'''Black Knight:''' It's the stuff of legends. The fabled hall of records which lay hidden beneath where the sphinx once was.
:'''Bobo:''' &quot;Was&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This can't be! That's the helix splitter. And that looks like a nano-flux inducer. Caesar built the first prototype of one last year.
:'''Black Knight:''' I can't let you touch any of this. It's too unstable with age. When you blundered in the tomb, you set off a safeguard. Someone thought this room too dangerous for the world to know about.
:'''Bobo:''' Agreed. Let's scram!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't! Don't you know what this means to science? The knowledge in here is invaluable. It cannot be lost-- Again!
:'''Black Knight:''' It won't be! Now that we know where it is, we can dig it out later. We will study it. I promise you that.
:'''Six''': Holiday. Let it go.
:'''Guranset''': As father promised-- I will rule forever.
:'''Rex''': Forever is gonna be shorter than you think.
:'''Guranset''': No! Nooooo!
:'''Rex''': Aw, come on! I didn't hit you that hard!
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Rex''': What's happening to you?
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Guranset''': Aaaaaaaaah!
:''[Guranset grunts]''
:'''Guranset''': Do not touch your pharaoh.
:'''Rex''': You need help. Your nanites are dying of old age-- I think. It's like starting an old car. Uh, o-or a camel. Let me help you. I can fix your nanites, and then maybe--
:'''Guranset''': Lies!
:'''Rex''': You're in a strange time, a strange place. We have science, machines. We can help you. Trust us.
:'''Guranset''': Like you trust the woman you call Black Knight? I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it. Father told me of you... Rex.
:'''Rex:''' What? How do you know my--
:'''Guranset''': I would have helped the world. Ended the hunger, the wars. But now he will return. Avenge me. ''[Echoing]'' I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it.
&lt;hr width80/&gt;
:'''Black Knight:''' You wanted something?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The hall of records-- You can't keep it a secret. It must be studied. That hall--
:'''Black Knight:''' What hall?
:'''Rex:''' Why'd you do that?! Holiday said--
:'''Black Knight:''' Some secrets are best left buried under the sands, Rex.
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Gentleman. Dr. Holiday.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, what'd you want to tell me back in the tomb?
:'''Six:''' It can wait.
:'''Rex:''' Don't wait too long.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All those priceless artifacts. And we still don't know who created Gharun Set.

===Guy vs. Guy===
:''[Rex moans]''
:''[Rex shouts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:''[Noah laughs]''
:'''Noah:''' WHOO! Oh, yeah!
:'''Rex:''' Noah?
:'''Noah:''' Gotcha!
:'''Rex:''' This means war.
:'''Noah:''' Hey, tanner! What's up, Chris? Noelle, how's it going? You'll have to do better than that, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' I'm gonna get you, Noah. That's a promise.
:'''Noah:''' Aren't you forgetting something?
:'''Rex:''' Aah!
:'''Noah:''' Gotcha! Rex, I'm prank master supreme. Save yourself some pain and admit defeat.
:'''Rex:''' Never! I will get you!
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Oh, no. Aah!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' :You're not the only one with Smack Hands. Gotcha!&quot; Ugh!
:''[Rex growls]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' How'd he even get in here?
:''[Bobo belches]''
:'''Rex:''' How could you let him in here? You're conspiring with the enemy!
:'''Bobo:''' Mm. Meh, Bribed me. And I needed a laugh. If you really want to get back at the kid, you'll need my help.
:'''Rex:''' How could I trust you after you betrayed me to Noah like this? Forget it.
:'''Bobo:''' Your loss. I've been banned from six asian countries for some of the pranks I've pulled. It's a delicate art, requiring skills, daring, and a cold, unforgiving heart. You need my help.
:'''Rex:''' I gotta do this on my own.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Look, Bobo. Noah's better than me at just about everything.
:'''Bobo:''' When was the last time he turned himself into a motorcycle?
:'''Rex:''' He's smarter than me. He's more popular than me. You know that I've never made a basket when I've played hoops against him?
:'''Bobo:''' So? I've never been able to run without my knuckles draggin'. What's the big deal?
:'''Rex:''' I just want to beat him at something! It wouldn't be as bad if he wasn't so smug about everything.
:'''Bobo:''' And now he's started a prank war that you can't win.
:'''Rex:''' Um-- ''[Chuckles]'' Actually--
:''[Rex laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' Gotcha! Oh! ''[Grunts]''
:'''Noah:''' Very funny, but you have no idea what you started.
:'''Bobo:''' Heh heh. Don't you watch movies? All those little blond kids are evil. You don't stand a chance.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! ''[Grunts]''
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I don't know what Providence was thinking. This EVO is a threat.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We're picking up reports like this all over the country. They think they can just tame them and set them free.
:'''Rex:''' Hah! Huh?
:'''Bobo:''' Heh. Maybe Noah could do a better job fighting EVOs, too, huh?
:''[Noah laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' AAAAH! That, ladies and gentlemen, is what I do best! Whoa!
:'''Noah:''' Gotcha! Hope you like maple. Now, that's how you throw a water balloon. We're even.
:''[Bobo laughs]''
:'''Bobo:''' That's good.
:'''Rex:''' We're so not even. We're so not even!

===Double Vision===
: ''[The episode starts as a butterfly flies through plants in a flower shop. Suddenly, Rex is thrown into the shop window, making nearby civilians run away. Rex gets up and looks out of the broken glass, seeing a beastly plant EVO, a few people watching, and Agent Six slashing his swords around to evade the EVO's tentacles.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Pants and brushes leaves off his sleeve and puts on goggles.]'' Not bad!
: ''[Uses the Punk Busters to jump out of the shop and generates his Smack Hands to uppercut the EVO, causing it to crash into a nearby building.]'' But I'm better!
: ''[The EVO gets out of the glass windows and roars, attacking Agent Six.]''
: '''Agent Six:'''	''[Cuts off a tentacle and walks towards Rex.]'' Talk is cheap, Rex. Prove it.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Generating the Smack Hands.]'' No problemo.
: ''[The EVO rushes towards Rex, unfortunately, Rex grabs it and slams it onto the ground. A random girl is driving up the road on a moped. However, she is stopped as the EVO blocks the path.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Putting his hands up to assure the girl.]'' Nothing to worry about, I've got this handled. ''[Turns to EVO, whom is still on the floor.]'' Okay big guy, say adiós to those nasty nanites.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex kneels down to cure the EVO, flowers spout out of the EVO]'' Aw, for me? Does this mean we're dating?
: ''[Suddenly, the flowers shoot out some goo into Rex's face, making him slam onto the floor, a crowd forms around the battle.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Yelps while getting up and pulls his goggles off and wipes the goo off his face.]'' Oh, that's better. ''[He gives his goggles to the random female on the moped]'' Hey! Watch these for me. ''[Runs back into battle and generates the Punk Busters and kicks the blacked out EVO over a building.]'' Goal! Hey thanks for holding onto my...huh?...
: ''[Rex turns around to see the girl missing from the crowd. Deforming his Punk Busters, he spots the girl riding away on her moped. She turns to look back at Rex, appearing to have on his goggles.]''
: '''Rex:''' Goggles!
: ''[Rex puts one of his hands up to signal for her to wait, but the EVO returns and wraps its tentacle around Rex's neck. The EVO twists Rex in mid-air in the sky for a minute before slamming him onto the cement. Rex gets up and sees the goggle girl riding away out of sight.]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! You've got my...ungh...goggles... Aah! Ungh! Did you see that girl?! She stole my goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Priorities, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' They are my priority, Six. I can pound EVOs any day. Those goggles are-- Ah, great. Who invited her?
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, gentlemen. We've got this covered.
: '''Rex:''' We don't need any help. Whoa! Whoa! Ungh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Obviously. Control collar-- Now. We'll take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Take it from whe-e-re?! I've already got this under contro-o-o-o-l! Whoa! Ugh! Let me try to cure it.
: '''Black Knight:''' The new Providence protocol is to confine, constrain and control. If curing is an option, it will be considered-- At my discretion.
: '''Rex:''' Control? I can cure it now and end this.
: '''Black Knight:''' The offer still stands. If you want to come back to Providence, you can continue your mission.
: '''Rex:''' I have my mission!
: '''Black Knight:''' Curing every EVO on Earth isn't a mission, Rex. It's an impossibility.
: '''Rex:''' Watch me.
: '''Black Knight:''' Everybody back! Contain those seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' You just made it worse! Now I've got to clean up your mess. Starting with this guy. See? Fearing works!
: '''Black Knight:''' It was your actions that exacerbated this situation. I want full containment and control over those seedlings. Move out-- Now.
: '''Agent Six:''' While you were arguing, Holiday found another sprout. Let's go deal with that before Providence does.
: '''Rex:''' But-- My goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Focus, Rex. We've got work to do.
: '''Rex:''' Nice work!
: '''Agent Six:''' Drop in the bucket. Look below.
: '''Rex:''' Wow. And I thought I'd be able to knock off early today.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' On the contrary, Rex. By overlaying current worldwide wind patterns on top of international population centers, we're looking at total global infestation within thirty-eight hours.
: '''Bobo:''' Ooh, that's a lot of roughage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I need to get in the field and obtain some live samples. Bobo and I will meet you at the rendezvous point in the mobile command center.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, doc. We're almost there. Hey! It's that girl! Wh-o-o-o-oa!
: '''Agent Six:''' What's gotten into you, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' My goggles-- I can't see without them!
: '''Agent Six:''' Obviously, you can see without them.
: '''Rex:''' Well, yeah, but I really need them a lot of the time. Don't you remember when I first got them?
: '''Agent Six:''' Actually, no.
: '''Rex:''' Oh. Sorry. My bad. It was early on, when I was just learning to control my powers. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Aaaah! Aah! Aaaaah! Oof!
: '''Agent Six:''' Horse manure.
: '''Rex:''' This is exactly why I need my goggles! Hey! I thought this thing was just a sprout!
: '''Agent Six:''' It's the nature of plants to grow.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Very Zen of you, Six. Well, it's the nature of me to kick EVO butt! Whoa! Oof! Yuck! This stuff really stinks!
: '''Agent Six:''' All yours.
: '''Rex:''' Ta-da! And for my next trick... Oh, and look who's late to the party.
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[Entering]'' Alpha team, I want you to lay down suppressive fire and--
: ''[Realizing the EVOs not there]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Belay that. Sit Ops, I was told we had a Class-Three EVO situation here. Where is the EVO?
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex hands her flowers]'' Sorry. This is all that's left. Six, are we good here? I've got to run.
: '''Agent Six:''' I'd put those in water.
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Rex:''' Slow down! I just want to-- Ungh!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What?! No way! Hey! You've got my-- Ugh! Whoa! ...Goggles.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got bigger problems than a girl on a scooter, Rex. First a flower shop, then gardening supplies. It's getting hungrier. Gentlemen, I suggest you get to the sewage-treatment plant as quickly as possible.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Why?
: '''Agent Six:''' Fertilizer, Rex, as in if those sprouts chow down on that much raw nourishment, we're in some deep...
: ''[Plant EVO bursts through a nearby wall]''
: '''Rex:''' ...Horse maneure. Hungry? Eat this!
: '''Agent Six:''' Holiday, get to the sewage plant. We'll meet you there after we clean up.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Clean up? I'd rather make a mess! Shoulda brought my chainsaw.
: '''Agent Six:''' Shoot the seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, this time I'm going to--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! Wait! Aw, man! Back off!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Bobo:''' You went a little nuts there, buddy. I like it! But... Goggles?
: '''Rex:''' That EVO interrupted before I could finish the story.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Agent Six:''' Here, kid. Try these on.
: '''Rex:''' Um, so I can look like a total doofus?
: '''Agent Six:''' You have no idea how unique these goggles are, Rex. A reclusive weaponsmith in Zurich crafted this single pair before he turned EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Really? And then what happened to him?
: '''Agent Six:''' I did. He won't be crafting any more goggles.
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Agent Six:''' These are one-of-a-kind, Rex-- Special, for you.
: '''Bobo:''' What a bunch of chimp chips! Those goggles are-- Whoa!
: '''Rex:''' Wow. That is a lot of rampaging EVO.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. Lucky holiday-- She's right in the thick of it.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky?
: '''Bobo:''' She gets to try out all the special modifications I made to that sweet ride.
: ''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Plant EVO has Holiday trapped inside the Mobile Command Center]'' Okay. Let's see how you like 10,000 volts of--
: ''[Holiday presses a button, and music starts playing]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo's mix tape?! Who puts the stereo next to the weapons system?! One more time-- Big red button. Always go for the big red button. Unless you don't want to drain the batteries to zero.
: ''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo, your improvements could use some improvements. Rex, if you're not too busy, I'd appreciate a little assistance.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, ain't that your girlfriend?
: '''Agent Six:''' She can take care of herself, right, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' Right-- For now.
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's more like it. Ungh! Fine! Let's see how you like this! I don't know what you just did, Rex, but thanks. Rex?
: '''Black Knight:''' I admit our last encounter didn't end well, but I think we need to work together on this one.
: '''Rex:''' You want to work together? We left Providence, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex--
: '''Rex:''' What happened to &quot;stay out of my way&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' So now when you need somebody to take out your trash, you can just forget that I quit your crummy organization?
: '''Black Knight:''' Yes, Rex, I can, because I don't let my emotions guide my choices. I only want what's best for Providence-- And the world.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, cool. Just wanted to hear you say it. Aah!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, the EVO is too big to cure without getting to its core.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, I'm not doing much good out here!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All those vines, the seedlings, everything-- They're just puppets to the plant. Stop those nanites in the core, and you cut the strings.
: '''Rex:''' On it! Huh?!
: '''Agent Six:''' Watch it, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! All I want are my goggles. All I've wanted all day are my goggles, and this EVOs been blocking me over and over! Hey, Bobo, you know how to shoot one of these?
: '''Bobo:''' Eh, how hard could it be?
: '''Rex:''' Load me into this thing and point it right at that EVO's sweet spot. And hurry. I got better stuff to do.
: '''Bobo:''' You do know that's 30,000 gallons of raw sewage you're aimin' at?
: '''Rex:''' Don't remind me. Oh... Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck!
: '''Agent Six:''' Elegant solution, Rex.
: '''Bobo:''' You don't smell elegant. You stink worse than me. I'm a little jealous.
: '''Black Knight:''' All right, Rex. Get to work.
: '''Rex:''' Work? What do you mean? I just served that vegetable!
: '''Black Knight:''' You cut the strings, but you still have to fix the puppets.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' She's right, Rex.
: '''Black Knight:''' You want to cure the world? Start curing.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, man, I'm beat! I don't think I can move another inch if you paid me.
: ''[Goggle girl rides past him]''
: '''Rex:''' Gotta move! See ya! Hey! Stop for a second! Six, I'm really starting to think this girl's got some kind of EVO action going on-- Teleporter, speedster, something.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Six, she's not just a teleporter. She can make doubles of herself-- Multiple abilities! She's an EVO, like me!
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the skeevy guy who's been chasing me. He was chasing me, too. And me. What do you want?
: '''Rex:''' You took my goggles! I want them back!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey, Einstein, did you see our logo? That stands for &quot;Goggle Girl&quot;, as in the delivery service. You haven't ever heard of us?
: '''Rex:''' Um... No.
: '''Goggle girl:''' &quot;Nothing is cuter than a girl on a scooter.&quot; Kind of hard to miss.
: ''[Goggle girl groans]''
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the worst slogan ever.
: '''Rex:''' But-- But my goggles!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Part of our costume. The boss buys them in bulk, along with these cheesy wigs he makes us wear. It's kind of lame.
: '''Rex:''' In bulk?! Those goggles?! But... They're one-of-a-kind! They're special! They're-- They're... I'll just go now. Nope. Nope. Definitely not.
: '''Agent Six:''' I still don't know why those goggles were so important to you.
: '''Rex:''' You gave to me, Six. It was the first present, the first nice thing that I remember getting since you found me. You said they were special, and that made me feel special.
: '''Six:''' Yes, about those goggles... Apparently, according to Bobo, I may have misled you. There was dozens of them in the Providence service bay.
: '''Rex:''' I knew the story was fake, but you told it because you cared about me. That's what made them special.
: '''Agent Six:''' I see.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, champ. You got a package.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Sign, please.
: '''Agent Six:''' It's for you. From us. Just open it.
: '''Rex:''' My goggles!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Better. We commissioned an enhanced version.
: '''Rex:''' Cool! Infrared... Microscopic... Nanovision?! Thanks, you guys. You really are one-of-a-kind.
: '''Bobo:''' Those are great, but these are me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need to hold on to them for a few more hours while I run a full diagnostic.
: '''Rex:''' A few hours?! I just got them! Aw!
: '''Bobo:''' Here-- Because I care.
: '''Goggle girl:''' They actually look kinda cute.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, doc! No rush!
: '''Bobo:''' Ain't love grand?

===Black and White===
: '''Calan:''' Be advised, we've got activity. Major activity. Stop right there, or we'll shoot! Don't make me do it.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''Calan:''' Calan to command, tell Black Knight-- We have apprehended the intruders. Repeat, we got'em.
: '''Rex:''' No! Get out of my head! Stop it! Stop! Stop with the talking! A dream. Oh, thank you! For a second, I swore that I heard his voice. It was almost like he was in the-- Room. Huh?!
: '''White Knight:''' I was wondering if I was gonna have to send the monkey in with a bucket of water. But I thought, &quot;why should he have all the fun?&quot; Five minutes-- Situation room. Consider this your wake-up call.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't you supposed to be playing dead? You're lucky Black Knight doesn't know you're here.
: '''White Knight:''' Black Knight thinks what I want her to think. With the installation of the new regime, I suspected that there was more going on at providence than just this new control protocol. I decided to test my hypothesis. I needed time to operate freely without prying eyes. So I went off the grid.
: '''Rex:''' And from the smell of it, you haven't changed out of your suit since then.
: ''[Bobo sniffs]''
: '''White Knight:''' I've been busy. I've been tracking their operations. They involve familiar locales and even more familiar machinery.
: '''Rex:''' You still use a camera with film? Do they even make that stuff anymore?
: '''White Knight:''' What they don't make are machines like these. This is the wreckage of Rylander's lab.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Are they doing what I think they're doing?
: '''Rex:''' Do what?
: '''White Knight:''' It appears that this new Providence is restarting the nanite program.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way my brother would help restart something that nearly destroyed the world. There's got to be a good explanation. We should just ask him.
: '''White Knight:''' We can't risk direct contact. We need to infiltrate Providence, download her computer banks, and assess how far along they are before we take any other actions.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over there.
: '''Rex:''' Just saying there's more here than meets the eye. Whoa!
: '''Six:''' Breaking into Providence? That's a big move, even for you. Black Knight is sure to have enhanced the security systems. We may be able to breach the perimeter defenses, but once inside, we'd be blind targets.
: '''White Knight:''' You'd be right if we were playing on her board.
: '''Six:''' Forgive me for doubting you.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, is someone gonna tell me what these are for? This is so not going to work.
: '''Six:''' Trust the plan.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, so, maybe they worked. But how'd you get them to do it on cue?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All a matter of timing. Assuming we get past the outer perimeter, securing the data is a completely different story. Providence encrypts all data. We need to disable multiple units before we can download anything off the mainframe. Doing that undetected is ''[sighs]'' insane.
: '''Rex:''' Finally, a voice of reason. I'm calling my brother. Took the lady with three phds to realize what I've been saying all along is right. Hey, that costs money! I'm over my minutes!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you... This is...
: '''Six:''' Doable.
: '''Rex:''' Do what? What is that? A secret passage.
: '''White Knight:''' When they built the tower, I had them install, these-- Upper-management corridors.
: '''Six:''' In the old days, they called passages like these the king's road.
: '''White Knight:''' From here, we face some unknowns. Stick to the plan. Or we could die.
: '''Rex:''' What?! Me?! What about you?! Part of the plan was to do this quietly.
: '''Calan:''' Stop right there, or we'll shoot!
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Here we go. Ok, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''White Knight:''' Stand down, Rex.
: ''[Calan laughs]''
: '''Calan:''' Welcome back, sir. We've been waiting for you.
: '''Rex:''' Que, huh?
: '''Calan:''' Sorry for the scare, Rex. We couldn't guarantee the Black Knight wasn't taper our communications. It was best to keep radio silence. In any case-- Say hello to your man on the inside. He've got a bomb! All units, fall back, fall back! Captain Calan, do you copy? Report.
: '''White Knight:''' Ready for a repeate performance?
: '''Calan:''' Ready when you are, sir. Good luck, everyone. They're headed for the... petting zoo.
: '''Holiday:''' Here it is. Just like he said.
: '''White Knight:''' This is the Hive. The central nervous system of the entire complex. An electric field protects the inner chambers. We'll need the circuit bandage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I've got an idea, but you'll have to go in partially naked. We've got eyes everywhere.
: '''Six:''' Good. Knight and I will handle the encryption towers. You know what to do with this.
: '''Rex:''' No sweat. I'm on it. Just have to make one quick detour. Bro? You in here? Oh, no. No, no, no!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, is that you? What brings you here?
: ''[Six groans]''
: '''Six:''' Partially naked. Tower one clear. Proceed to next phase.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Got it. Redirecting the data flow now.
: '''Calan:''' Anyone hear for the monkey?
: '''Rex:''' Huh?!
: '''Bobo:''' Offical pet desk. Keep your distance.
: '''Rex:''' Is that Dr. Rylander?
: '''Caesar:''' It is. Well, almost. After you brought back Van Kleiss, I couldn't help but to wonder if perhaps I might do the same for him. Unfortunately, Van Kleiss was already great in tune the nanites. As you can see, Dr. Rylander-- wasn't.
: '''Rex:''' Ok, whatever. Listen, I'm here on a secret mission.
: '''Caesar:''' Secret? 
: '''Rex:''' White Knight said--
: '''Caesar:''' White Knight is alive?
: '''Rex:''' If you can call him that. Anyway, he says... you might wanna sit down for this part? That Black Knight is restarting the nanite program. Don't you think that's messed up?
: '''Caesar:''' On the contrary. I'm in charge of it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Commencing download in T-2 minutes. White Knight has infiltrated sector three. You're right. They are monitoring our movements. How did you know?
: '''White Knight:''' It's what I would do. Now start evac protocols.
: '''Black Knight:''' I've torn this facility apart looking for that? When I found it, I still couldn't get to it. Bio-feed security system-- Clever. You have to be nanite-free to open it. I guessed you weren't dead. I knew if I let enough info leak about what we're doing here, you've showed up, eventually. I'll take it.
: '''White Knight:''' You can try.
: '''Black Knight:''' What ever you say. You were the boss.
: '''White Knight:''' That's not a providence toy.
: '''Black Knight:''' A woman is entitled her secrets. Especially when those secrets keep me alive.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh! What I could've done with you if I hired you first.
: '''Black Knight:''' Don't fool yourself, White.
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh, ohh, ohh!
: '''Black Knight:''' You were bandage at best. the Consortium knew that you weren't the leader for the future. Stand down, old man!
: '''White Knight:''' I've got a few secrets of my own, kid. After all, this was my office. Consortium or not, it will be again.
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Be advised, they're on to us. Making for the rendezvous.
: '''Six:''' I'll take my swords back now. Please.
: '''Rex:''' What are you doing, helping Black Knight? She's obviously the more psycho of the two knights.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm not helping the Black Knight do anything. I'm trying to fix things. The day everything changed. We never imagined what would happen when we released the nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Release them?! You caused the nanite event?!
: '''Caesar:''' It was the only way we were going to save the world.
: '''Rex:''' You unleashed the worst man-made disaster the world has ever seen!! You've ruined countless lives!! How can you say that you saved anything?!
: '''Caesar:''' You weren't there... not in any way that mattered! If we hadn't--
: '''Rex:''' Hold that thought. Here, doggy, doggy.
: '''Six:''' Excessive?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Sweet, actually. Now you're overdoing it.
: '''White Knight:''' ''[panting]'' Are we finished here? ''[screams]'' Careful, Black. Your council wouldn't be too pleased if you destroyed the very thing you're after.
: '''Black Knight:''' If doesn't have to be like this, White! The Consortium may have lost faith in you, but you know my methods are right. Come back. Under my protection, who knows? There may even be a promotion in it for you.
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' I am going to stop the Consortium. If you or Providence gets in my way, this tape goes public.
: '''Black Knight:''' Wait!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, stop! You're destroying my work!
: '''Rex:''' Your work is done! And so are we! I got it. Time to blow this--
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, Rex. Face it, kiddo... today is not your day.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, today's wednesday, and wednesday means fiesta night at the cafeteria. Getting in is going to be cake... very dangerous cake. Any bright ideas on how we're getting out?
: '''Bobo:''' I got one word for you, kid-- Plumbing.
: '''Rex:''' I got it. Time to blow this...
: '''Bobo:''' Taco stand.
: '''White Knight:''' Aah!
: '''Bobo:''' Me and Van Gogh, unappreciated in our time.
: '''Rex:''' All of that-- Was for that?! I got nanites, billions of 'em.
: '''White Knight:''' Not like this one, Rex. This is a Meta Nanite. One of several. Hardwired into its design is a program for the original Dominion Code.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Dominion Code? I thought that was a myth.
: '''White Knight:''' I can assure you, doctor, it is very real. Each one gives its host control over different building blocks of the universe- matter, antimatter, elemental, space, time, reality. With the complete code, you can control them. And through them, you control ''everything''. In sort, it's the God Code.
: '''Rex:''' The Consortium want to be...gods?
: '''White Knight:''' If it wasn't for the original Nanite Event scattering the Metas across the globe, they may have already succeeded. The situation has changed, people. Black Knight has been searching the globe for the other Meta-Nanites. She needs them all to complete the Master Program. As long as we're keeping her secret, she'll hold off. But sooner or later, she'll be coming for this with the full power of Providence and the Consortium at her back. So... if you want to move on, forget what I've told you.
: '''Rex:''' You're not getting rid of us that easily, old man. My parents died for this. Black Knight wants war, war she gets.

===Deadzone===
: '''Noah:''' You said it was gonna be fun. You said there'd be hot girls, great bands.
: '''Rex:''' It was an honest mistake. They called it the world's largest british rock festival.
: '''Noah:''' Yeah, because it was a convention for english geologists!
: '''Rex:''' Okay, yes, maybe we did just drive two days for some boring science conference because I didn't actually read past the first paragraph of the website. But we did get some cool free Schwag. Look!
: '''Noah:''' I've seen it. It's a pile of rocks!
: '''Rex:''' No, look!
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! What are you doing? Leave me alone!
: '''Rex:''' Pull over.
: '''Noah:''' You know that guy?
: '''Rex:''' Nope. But I know an opportunity to tweak the Black Knight when I see one.
: '''Noah:''' No way. I haven't showered in two days. You real haven't showered in two days. This car is not stopping until we get home. Real mature.
: '''Rex:''' Just give me five minutes. I'll grab him before they even notice. Think of it this way. At least something fun will come out of this trip. Shh.
: '''Feakins:''' I don't understand what you're saying, guy.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Providence Agent:''' Just take a stay back, Rex. You don't know what you're messing with here.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, you do know what you're messing with! This! Huh?
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! Who's messing with this?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Anything you want to add to that smack talk?
: ''[Rex chuckles nervously]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Providence Agent:''' Let's go.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know what you did to my powers, but I'd keep the hands off the jacket, if I were you. Uh, on second thought, take the jacket. Thinking about a new one anyway.
: '''Providence Agent:''' We're gonna bring him with us? He's harmless as long as we've got Feakins.
: '''Rex:''' What's a Feakin?
: '''Noah:''' Come on, Rex. You gonna stand there all night getting hugs from your old Providence buddies?
: '''Rex:''' No, don't! Or, uh, you're gonna make Agent Six over there even more mad than he already is.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Providence Agent:''' Move!
: '''Feakins:''' Aah! What are you doing, guy?!
: '''Noah:''' So, what's--
: '''Rex:''' Drive! Drive!
: '''Noah:''' Aah! Who is he?! What's going on?
: '''Rex:''' Who are you? What's going on?
: '''Feakins:''' Do either of you have a milkshake?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Pull over!
: '''Noah:''' You want to get them to stop that? What happened?
: '''Rex:''' Let me guess. You're Feakins.
: '''Feakins:''' Yeah, and I am very queasy back here! If we don't get me a milkshake, it's not gonna be my fault if my lunch ends up all over this very nice leather seat!
: '''Rex:''' Somehow he's fritzing out my powers. It's like there's a deadzone around him.
: '''Noah:''' You talking about nanites or his personality?
: '''Providence Agent:''' No more warnings. Pull over!
: '''Noah:''' Whoa!
: ''[Noah gasps]''
: '''Feakins:''' We're not gonna make it!
: '''Noah:''' Yes, we are! This is a '77! They don't make'em like this anymore! WHOO-HOO! Aah!
: ''[Noah gasps]''
: '''Noah:''' That was a '77! They don't make'em anymore! My granddad's gonna kill me!
: '''Rex:''' Looks like he'll have to wait in line.
: ''[Feakins gasps]''
: '''Feakins:''' How great is this?! You guys were at the convention, too?
: '''Rex:''' Come on! If we get out of here now, they'll spend the next couple hours looking for the car before they figure out where it went.
: '''Feakins:''' So, what's your favorite geological area? I'm a proterozoic man. Of course, the hadean has its merits, too.
: '''Noah:''' You couldn't take five minutes to read the whole website?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Noah:''' Thank you! I can't tell you how glad we are you're open. I just want to get cleaned up and get some sleep.
: '''Feakins:''' Hold on! Pardon me, but what kind of room service does this establishment offer? What if I want a milkshake?
: '''Rex:''' And that kind of brings you up to date, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Well, that explains why you suddenly dropped of my tracking grid. The good news is, the deadzone Feakins creates means the Black Knight can't use your nanites to track you either.
: '''Rex:''' Now that Feakins isn't right next to me, it's not as bad. I can still feel them. It's just that they feel all fuzzy. I bet if I put some distance between us, my powers would bounce right back.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You cannot let him out of your sight, Rex. Don't you see why Black Knight wants him? He's the ultimate insurance against any EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Not just any. Me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got to hang on to him. I'm on my way to you now. 
: '''Rex:''' Hey, don't worry about me. I-I may not have my powers, but I've got Noah. We can handle things until you get here.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Just stay put and don't draw attention to yourself.
: '''Feakins:''' I know this is your motel! But judging by your office, you and me got a different idea of what &quot;clean&quot; means! Can you believe that guy!
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, the last part might be a problem, doc.
: '''Feakins:''' Oh. Okay if you guys take this bed?
: '''Noah:''' Providence we can deal with. It's him I'm worried about.
: '''Black Knight:''' Speak.
: '''Black Pawn:''' We lost them.
: '''Black Knight:''' I want every asset we have in the state mobilized. Do you understand? Find them!
: '''Noah:''' No way! You picked out this disguise. You wear it.
: '''Feakins:''' I didn't know it was made of acrylic! You want me to have a relapse of my eczema? 'Cause it won't be pretty! I get all flaky!
: '''Rex:''' Guys, the whole point of the disguises is to not attract attention.
: '''Noah:''' Fine! Why do I always have to be the mature one?
: '''Rex:''' Come on.
: '''Feakins:''' We've only got a couple hours to get to our new rendezvous with Holiday.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't you going to demand a milkshake?
: '''Feakins:''' Thanks, guy.
: '''Noah:''' What?! All you've done is moan about milkshakes. Because we were in a car. I don't get airsick.
: '''Feakins:''' So, why would I need a milkshake? But if there's a decent sushi bar nearby--
: ''[Noah groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Wait.
: ''[Feakins sneezes]''
: '''Feakins:''' What? I said I was allergic to acrylic!
: '''Rex:''' Hang on!
: '''Feakins:''' Whoa. You gotta stop this thing.
: '''Noah:''' You gotta be kidding me!
: '''Feakins:''' It's not my fault I got a delicate stomach!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! This isn't even really a car!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Those two agents on the plane are gonna call in others. We gotta go!
: '''Noah:''' How are we gonna get anywhere without a car?
: '''Rex:''' We've got a chance we can get on a train.
: '''Noah:''' It's pitch dark. We're never gonna find the tracks before that train passes!
: ''[Feakins laughs]''
: '''Feakins:''' Yeah, very funny. Come on, guy, quit joking around.
: '''Noah:''' What are you talking about?
: '''Feakins:''' Well, given the shale and quartz in this soil, the train tracks have to be down that way. I mean, that's just obvious stuff to rock lovers like us, am I right? I don't believe it! An entire train car filled with ice cream... And there's no blender!
: '''Noah:''' So close, and yet no milkshake.
: '''Rex:''' Well, I'm starved. Let's eat. We're all gonna need our strength. Cherry-Berry Chunky Nut?
: '''Feakins:''' I'm allergic to ice cream.
: '''Rex:''' How can you love milkshakes and be allergic to ice cream?
: '''Noah:''' Do you really want to hear him answer that?
: '''Rex:''' Look, I'm sorry. I know it's been a crazy day for you.
: '''Feakins:''' I woke up yesterday thinking I was just a regular accountant who loved rocks... Only to discover that I'm actually this super-important guy who everyone's after because I got some kind of amazing power!
: '''Rex:''' Lucky you. Move! Move! We're close. We're going to make it to Holiday.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, I can't stay here. We'll have to meet somewhere else.
: '''Rex:''' I see the perfect place.
: '''Black Knight:''' Let's end this game, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Black Knight?
: '''Feakins:''' I don't believe it. The Black Knight works at Bob's Biscuit Barn!
: '''Black Knight:''' Now that we've found you, there's nowhere to hide. It should not have taken the most advanced satellite system in the world this long to pinpoint them. The excuses can wait. Right now, I want this wrapped up.
: '''Noah:''' How did Black Knight know where we were?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know.
: '''Noah:''' Even if you make it to the Holiday, is Black Knight just gonna find us?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know!
: '''Feakins:''' When are we gonna get a milkshake?!
: '''Rex:''' I don't know!
: '''Feakins:''' I'm in a car. It's moving. I'm getting queasy back here.
: '''Rex:''' Then get out of the car!
: '''Feakins:''' Aah!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Be advised-- Primary target Feakins is to be recovered alive if possible.
: '''Rex:''' You know how I said we don't get through this, with or without my powers? Well, it looks like I was wrong. They're after Feakins. That means &quot;Noah&quot; has a shot at making a break for it and getting to Holiday. Do you understand what I'm saying?
: '''Black Pawn:''' Let the breakaway go. And stay on the primary target.
: '''Rex:''' Huh. I guess they're not afraid of me with you standing here. Which is... Awesome!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Pull up! Pull up!
: '''Rex:''' Mwah! Man, have I missed you!
: '''Noah:''' Guess I don't need this anymore.
: '''Rex:''' I can't believe that plan actually worked.
: '''Noah:''' Feakins still has to make it to Holiday.
: '''Feakins:''' Oh, I'm not feeling so good.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa!
: '''Black Pawn:''' The primary target is unconventional. Ground units, reroute to intercept. We will cover.
: '''Rex:''' We're going after Feakins! Come on!
: '''Pilot:''' Ground units are down. Moving to pursue a primary target.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' Stay on Rex. If we don't engage him, he'll tear us apart.
: '''Noah:''' Whoa!
: '''Rex:''' Sit tight.
: '''Noah:''' Uh, where would I go?
: '''Rex:''' Mind if I borrow this?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Noah:''' Rex!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Providence Agent screams]''
: '''Rex:''' Ow! Hey, watch it! I'm still a little rusty here! These guys are tough.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah! Hang on to me!
: '''Noah:''' Aah! Whoa!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Where's Feakins?
: '''Rex:''' Oh, come on! This guy is killing me!
: '''Noah:''' Maybe he'll still coming.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't wait. Providence followed you here. What?
: '''Rex:''' We got him! Let's go!
: '''Noah:''' It's too late.
: '''Black Knight:''' Where is my visual?
: '''Black Pawn:''' They're just gone.
: '''Rex:''' What just happened?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's a prototype stealth device built into the lab. That's why I had to get you in here. It was the only way to get you out of Black Knight's sight.
: '''Noah:''' So, that's it?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's it. The good guys won.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, hey, by the way, doc, you're a big geology buff, aren't you? So, did we hook you up with the perfect safe house or what? You'll never have to worry about driving without a milkshake again.
: '''Feakins:''' Oh, it's great, guy. The only problem is the gas.
: '''Rex:''' Well, I'm sure we can kick in a little gas money, too.
: ''[Feakins farting]''
: '''Feakins:''' Yeah, that's not what I meant.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we can't stay.
: '''Rex:''' You got that right!
: '''Feakins:''' Wait. I just wanna say... Its not easy being thrown together with someone who can be a little, well... Difficult.
: '''Rex:''' Hey... You're not so bad.
: '''Feakins:''' Me?! I was talking about you!
: ''[Black Knight sighs]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Since the search for Feakins is going nowhere, we have no choice but to become much more aggressive... With Rex.

===Assault on Abysus===
: '''Diane Farrah:''' Through research and hard work, Providence has turned the curse of the EVO into a blessing. One that will serve mankind. Science and compassion have created a new future for all EVOs. A future filled with happiness and hope.
: '''Black Pawn:''' You? Seen some EVOs pass through here?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
*Rex and Circe finally admit their true feelings for one another. Unfortunately, there was not enough episodes to explore their romance further.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: ''[Somewhere in [[w:Hong Kong|Hong Kong, China]]'']''
: '''Circe:''' Okay. They're gone.
: '''Skywwd:''' For now. Get out of here, Circe. Run!
: '''Circe:''' I'm not leaving you guys.
: '''Skywwd:''' You can pass as human. Go-- Before Providence gets you too.
: '''Black Pawn:''' The girl! She's with them!
: '''Skwwyd:''' Run!
: '''Rex:''' Hmm? What's up?
: '''Circe:''' You're the only person I could turn to.
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' I don't know. That's the hardest part.
: '''Rex:''' You did what you had to do.
: '''Circe:''' I left them there, Rex. Our friends. Providence has to be stopped. Someone needs to do something.
: '''Rex:''' ''[puts his arms around Circe to comfort her]'' We are.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Am I disturbing you two?
: '''Rex:''' No.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight wants to talk with you.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh. What's he gonna yell at me for this time?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No, I meant Circe. He wants to talk to her.
: '''Circe:''' Providence has been hunting these down, too?
: '''White Knight:''' You didn't tell her about them, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' I thought the Master Control Nanites were supposed to be top secret.
: '''White Knight:''' She has to know if she's going to lead the mission.
: '''Rex:''' Her? That was supposed to be my mission.
: '''White Knight:''' It's no one's mission. It's about getting the job done.
: '''Circe:''' Why me?
: '''White Knight:''' Intelligence indicates that Providence has targeted a Master Control Nanite in Abysus. In Van Kleiss' old castle, to be more precise. You're the only one with the knowledge to get us in there.
: '''Rex:''' I've been there before. How hard could it be? Circe, you don't have to.
: '''Circe:''' If it helps stop Black Knight in Providence, I'm in.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, Doc. We made it. The new power suit gave me more range, just like you said.
: ''[Circe whistles]''
: '''Circe:''' Thanks, Banak. We're trying to keep a low profile. Don't tell anyone, okay?
: '''Rex:''' Good thing you knew the secret whistle or we might have been rooting around forever.
: ''[Rex chuckles]''
: '''Rex:''' Get it? &quot;Root&quot;? Uh... This can't be easy coming back here. I owe you.
: '''Circe:''' Forget it. We're even. I used you in the past, now you and your friends are using me.
: '''Rex:''' Is there some sort of problem between you and me?
: '''Circe:''' There's nothing between you and me. Just the mission. I don't have good memories of this place. Let's just leave it at that, okay?
: '''Rex:''' Fine. I'm surprised we haven't run into-- Ugh!
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Skalamander:''' Traitor! Stop her!
: '''Circe:''' Aah!
: '''Rex:''' Can you chill?! There's no time for this. Who's leading you now that Van Kleiss is gone? I need to speak to your leader. Figures. Biowolf, we have a problem. And... I need your help.
: '''Biowulf:''' I will listen.
: '''Rex:''' Great, because--
: '''Biowulf:''' Only after you. earn the right-- Through combat.
: ''[Biowulf growls]''
: ''[Rex spits]''
: '''Rex:''' At least Van Kleiss was civilized. Buckle up, dog boy.
: '''Biowulf:''' You may speak. This nanite you want-- It's not here. None of us have seen it up in the castle or the blast source.
: '''Rex:''' I didn't say up. It's down. White Knight thinks it's under the castle. Some other secure lab area.
: '''Biowulf:''' The primary chamber?
: '''Circe:''' It's under the castle? Van Kleiss always said it was forbidden for us to go there.
: '''Rex:''' You think he remembered to tell Black Knight that? Let me take it out of here.
: '''Biowulf:''' No! You're a traitor to your own kind. A lapdog to these humans. I've heard enough!
: '''Rex:''' All of us will fall-- All EVOs-- If she gets it. Black Knight is worse than you know. If I don't get the nanite out of here, Providence will take it.
: '''Biowulf:''' Providence! This is Abysus, the heart of the EVO world. Providence wouldn't dare.
: '''Circe:''' The sentries have spotted something.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. I wonder who.
: '''Providence Soldier:''' Black Knight, the assault forces are in place.
: '''Black Knight:''' The field is yours. We've secured the borders. No chance White Knight and his team will get in the country to interfere.
: '''Biowulf:''' The castle is surrounded.
: '''Rex:''' Standard operating procedure for Providence is to secure the perimeter, then close for attack. Black Knight will have snuck forces around back.
: '''Skalamander:''' How should we counter?
: '''Rex:''' Easy.
: '''Biowulf:''' You take your nanite. I'll decide how to deal with the invaders.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Deploy the collars. Rise. Forward. Attack.
: '''Rex:''' The nanite event blew away half the castle. This must have been deep enough to survive it. Huh? You hear that?
: '''Circe:''' No. Hear what?
: '''Rex:''' Uh... Nothing. This place would make a great rec room. Maybe a karaoke machine over there--
: '''Circe:''' Van Kleiss would send volunteers down here to try and get in. None of them ever came back.
: '''Rex:''' Well... That's encouraging.
: '''Circe:''' What is it?
: '''Rex:''' They're... I-I think they're nanites. They're following our lights. They can't see in the dark. I have a plan. Lead them back.
: '''Circe:''' ''[concerned]'' Rex?
: '''Rex:''' When I say &quot;roll,&quot; roll.
: '''Circe:''' What?!
: '''Rex:''' Roll! Circe, sing!
: ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic blasts on the EVOs and beams at Rex.]''
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Rex:''' We always made a good team.
: '''Circe:''' It won't hold them long.
: '''Rex:''' You think this is why Van Kleiss always wanted me-- So I could get him in here?
: '''Biowulf:''' Providence has breached the castle. We can't hold our position much longer.
: '''Rex:''' Go. I'll get the Master-Control Nanite. ''[Notices how worried Circe is about him probably not returning]'' This isn't Hong Kong. I'll be okay. I'll meet up with you soon.
: '''Biowulf:''' They've turned our own people against us.
: '''Circe:''' Let me see what I can do.
: ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic bursts on several collared EVOs]''.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: ''[Circe gasping]''
: '''Circe:''' So many.
: '''Biowulf:''' You can't stop the ones they've collared.
: '''Circe:''' I can go down trying.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' Her sonics are disrupting the offensive.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' Hyah! Unh!
: '''Biowulf:''' If we can't defeat them, we'll take down as many as we can fighting.
: '''Circe:''' This isn't one battle. It's a war. And we can't let it end here before Rex has the Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Biowulf:''' What, then?
: '''Circe:''' Tactical retreat.
: ''[Circe whistles]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh. Dad.
: '''Providence Soldier:''' Outer rooms of the castle secured.
: '''Black Pawn:''' I don't need you here, Black Knight. It's only a matter of time. We will take the castle piece by piece.
: ''[Skalamander growling]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' You are ours now. Down.
: ''[Skalamander grunting]''
: '''Skalamander:''' Rex is here. He will make you bow to us!
: '''Black Knight:''' This is all a diversion. Find Rex before he gets the Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Yes, Ma'am.
: '''Black Knight:''' Either you do it or I will. I'm on my way.
: '''Rex:''' This place... Rylander had the same type of lab.
: '''Soldier:''' Security system engaged.
: '''Rex:''' No!
: '''Soldier:''' Intruder. Provide authorized identity or be terminated. Identify. Identify. Identify. Identify.
: '''Rex:''' Aah! I'm Rex! Rex Salazar!
: '''Soldier:''' Salazar genetype-- Accepted.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' There you are, you little troublemaker. You're coming home with the good guys. Uhh. Weird. Uh... I don't suppose you're looking for the karaoke machine? Running into you-- What a coincidence. Come down here a lot? Whoa! Missed me.
: '''Black Pawn:''' I have the nanite. Keep the boy busy while I get it to Black Knight.
: '''Rex:''' No!
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Rex:''' You two sure know how to make an entrance.
: '''Circe:''' The others are getting hammered by Provindence. They're barely holding them off in the dungeon.
: '''Rex:''' Gee! Van Kleiss has a dungeon. What a surprise.
: '''Biowulf:''' This is no joke. They might die because I came down here to save you.
: '''Rex:''' I won't let them get taken. I promise you that. But I need you to let me call the shots.
: ''[Biowulf sighs]''
: '''Biowulf:''' Very well.
: '''Rex:''' Circ, dungeon left or right?
: '''Circe:''' Left. The dungeon's the other way.
: '''Rex:''' I'm not looking for the dungeon. I'm looking for the scouts.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Nothing.
: '''Rex:''' Well, maybe a little something.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Rex:''' Scouts. Classic Providence tactics-- So they don't get ambushed. Uhh. What is this place?
: '''Biowulf:''' The old reservoir. It goes to the river.
: '''Rex:''' Perfect. ''[deep voice]'' Scout to command. West wing, reservoir-- We've found a back way onto what must be the main EVO force. It's five times the size of what you're fighting.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Roger, scout. All forces, withdraw from dungeon siege. Report to west wing, reservoir. Ambush maneuver lambda.
: '''Rex:''' ''[normal voice]'' Get your troops. It's bath time.
: '''Biowulf:''' Now you bow to Rex!
: '''Rex:''' The Providence goons are contained, Biowulf. They shouldn't be any more trouble. And I got the Master-Control Nanite. Looks like mission accomplished.
: '''Circe:''' Rex, I--
: ''[She and Rex cling to each other as the castle begins shaking.]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex, order your friends to surrender. You're all under Providence custody. I always knew it might be impossible to capture the Master-Control Nanite in the heart of the nanite infestation. So the solution was to remove it.
: '''Circe:''' It's Hong Kong all over again.
: '''Rex:''' No. We can fight. We'll double back and-- A-and then--
: '''Biowulf:''' Go! Get the nanite out of here!
: '''Rex:''' No! I promised you!
: '''Biowulf:''' You were right. That nanite is more important than anyone here. Including myself. I am the leader. I give the orders. Run!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Rex:''' They were counting on me. I don't want to leave them.
: '''Circe:''' I did what I had to do. You do what you have to. I want you to know, all this was never about me just using you.
: ''[Circe gasps]''
: ''[Finally admits her true romantic feelings for Rex in the form of a passionate kiss. She then pushes a shocked Rex off the ledge, so he could escape; and her getting collared and captured in his stead. She smiled with tears in her eyes, with the promise that she would be okay.]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[burdened by Circe admitting her intense love for him and sacrifice]'' We all make sacrifices for the things we care about-- The people we love. But when the stakes are this high, who can we trust? What would that power do to anyone who had it? They attacked Abysus. What's stopping them from attacking us for these nanites?
: '''White Knight:''' They will-- Sooner or later. That's why I want to turn the tables on them first.
: '''Rex:''' You know how to do that so we survive in one piece?
: '''White Knight:''' Not yet.

===Remote Control===
: '''Bobo:''' Providence goons are thick as fleas tonight, and I know fleas.
: '''Rex:''' We're gonna be late if we have to keep sneaking around.
: '''Bobo:''' After you.
: '''Skwydd:''' Rex must have bailed on us-- Again.
: '''Cricket:''' He would never do that, Skwydd. And besides, he dad to fly all the way to Honk Kong on his own. Give him some time.
: '''Tuck:''' He's here! Everything okay, Rex?
: ''[Skwydd hissing]''
: '''Skwydd:''' Cricket, Tuck, this way!
: ''[Skwydd grunts]''
: '''Skwydd:''' Ow. Yeah, I think I'll stick to ink.
: '''Cricket:''' We need to find Rex.
: '''Skwydd:''' He was supposed to find us.
: '''Tuck:''' How are we gonna--
: '''Quarry:''' Wrong. They'll be coming with me. Anybody got a problem with that?
: ''[Quarry laughs]''
: ''[Quarry grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd?
: '''Bobo:''' Oh, yeah, they were here. This came out of Skwydd. Mm.
: '''Rex:''' Ew! If those Providence goons hurt them, I'm gonna--
: '''Bobo:''' What do you say you use a little of that aggression and get some answers, champ?
: '''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends? Quarry?
: '''Cricket:''' If you think we're going to thank you for getting us out of there, Quarry.
: ''[Quarry laughs]''
: '''Quarry:''' I think you're going to do exactly as I say.
: ''[Activates the mind-control collar on her neck]''
: '''Cricket:''' Aah!
: '''Bobo:''' Occupied Hong Kong-- What a dump! Where to, chief?
: '''Rex:''' I have no idea. How did he get away from Van Kleiss? How is he even alive?
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' It's cool. We're not going to hurt you. What's Providence turned into? This whole city is living in fear.
: '''Bobo:''' Well, we ain't gonna find my answers in this alley. I got a guide book. Ooh! A coupon for all-you-can-eat dim sum. What? A chimp's gotta eat.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, let's go. But keep moving. Maybe we'll turn up a clue.
: '''Bobo:''' Aw, this just breaks my heart. All that grub and no one to eat it.
: '''Monster EVO:''' Can you help a fellow EVO who's down on his luck?
: '''Rex:''' I can do better than that. Let me take care of this for you.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Ow!
: '''Bobo:''' I wanna order some chow to go. Give me some of those chicken feet, and give me the beaks, too.
: '''Rex:''' I thought that collar was supposed to make you mellow! What? Now you know Kung Fu? I don't have time for this.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, buddy. It looked like you could use some-- Hey, where'd the charity case go?
: '''Rex:''' He had to leave suddenly. All yours. I need some time to think.
: '''Bobo:''' More for me! Go off and think your brains out, pal. You know where to find me. Ah, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship, my beak-dealing chum. And speaking of chum--
: ''[Bobo sniffs]''
: '''Bobo:''' Do I detect the delightful aroma of fish heads?
: '''Gamer boy:''' Hey, kid! You like video games? Want a cool job?
: '''Rex:''' I already have a cool job.
: '''Gamer boy:''' This is the coolest job you'll ever have. Mr. Quarry, pays top dollar for good players and I can set you up.
: '''Rex:''' Quarry? Tell me more.
: '''Huckster:''' ''[Cockney accent]'' Okay, kids. Looks like we're all here, right? Let me show you around.
: '''Quarry:''' What do you matter, the big fish? Time to reel him in.
: '''Huckster:''' This is all state-of-the-art stuff-- Exciting, new tech. You get to play as an EVO and go on a Crown Street. How cool is that?
: '''Rex:''' Hey! That looks like the EVO that jumped me.
: '''Huckster:''' We model our characters from actual EVOs. This is as close to reality as you can get.
: '''Rex:''' Hey! You guys! Oh, am I glad to see you! I-- Take that back. You've been collared! Let me help you!
: ''[Skwydd hissing]''
: '''Rex:''' Cricket, it's me-- Rex! You used to have a crush on me!
: '''Cricket:''' Ugh!
: ''[Cricket sighs]''
: '''Cricket:''' Rex, I'm so sorry. I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't control it.
: '''Rex:''' I'm okay, Cricket. You've been working on that jab, though, haven't you?
: '''Cricket:''' They're getting away.
: '''Rex:''' Let them go. They'll lead us straight to Quarry.
: '''Cricket:''' &quot;Used to have a crush&quot;?
: '''Rex:''' Infrared. Nice move. Providence Convoy. Great.
: '''Cricket:''' Whoa! Aah! Ugh! Aah!
: '''Rex:''' Come on, Cricket. We do this all the time. Uh, hair. Please.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, give me some more of these deep-fried shrimp heads and a bunch of those fresh spring rolls. Hey, give me the stale spring rolls while you're at it.
: '''Female vendor:''' No more food! You have to go!
: '''Cricket:''' I recognize this place. It's where Quarry took us after we were collared. It's probably a setup.
: '''Rex:''' It's definitely a setup. You ready to go in?
: '''Cricket:''' You know how collared EVOs follow kind of like a robot. with these collars, it's worse. It's like you're a remote-controlled robot.
: '''Rex:''' That is a nasty hack.
: '''Cricket:''' It's bad enough working for Quarry. When you have free will but this--
: '''Rex:''' Skwydd! Tuck! I don't wanna hurt you.
: '''Quarry:''' Glad to hear that, Rex. Your friends are very valuable to me as are you.
: '''Rex:''' Like the new look- strapping.
: '''Quarry:''' Let's just say I had to find a way to &quot;keep it together&quot; after my visit to Abyus. Just one more thing you owe me for and you know how much I like a balanced book.
: '''Cricket:''' Rex! No!
: '''Quarry:''' You'll be the crown jewel of my EVO army, Rex. I may just make you my own personal slave. That collar suits you, Rex. Wish I'd had one for you back in the old days-- Would've saved me a lot of trouble.
: '''Cricket:''' Rex!
: '''Quarry:''' Oh, right. Cricket. Rex, be a good little helper and hold her down, would you?
: ''[Cricket gasps]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Quarry:''' Rex? Rex! I command you to stop!
: '''Rex:''' I quit listening to you a long time ago.
: '''Skwydd:''' Rex, I'm sorry.
: '''Rex:''' Never mind, Skwydd. Help me with Tuck. Aah! Oh, man! These nanites are smarter than usual.
: '''Cricket:''' Hurry, Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Whew! Don't think I'll be doing that again soon.
: '''Tuck:''' Thanks, man. Those all kinds of weird.
: '''Quarry:''' I've decided that you brats are not that valuable to me. Kill them all!
: '''Rex:''' We'll see.
: '''Tuck:''' Spinning donkey? Since when do street EVOs know Kung Fu?
: '''Rex:''' I know, right? How are you doing this? How are you controlling these guys.
: '''Quarry:''' I'm not would take an army of operators to control this many EVOs. I merely provide the funding and equipment. The streets provide the manpower-- Or should I say--
: ''[Quarry chuckles]''
: '''Quarry:''' Bratpower? And I paid top dollar for good players. At least by their sad standards.
: '''Rex:''' The arcade. All those kids!
: '''Quarry:''' Those brats were born to play games, which is what they think they're doing. And I thank your people for the tech. That brother of yours is quite the wiz, kid.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar would never!
: '''Cricket:''' Forget about Caesar, Rex. You know what you've got to do.
: '''Rex:''' These guys will shred you if I leave!
: '''Tuck:''' We got this, Rex. Go!
: '''Quarry:''' Once I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pop your head like a grape!
: '''Bobo:''' Oh, I am one stuffed monkey. Ooh, this might just be the year I floss. Hey! I know that noise. That's Rex. I'm coming, champ!
: ''[Bobo groans]''
: '''Bobo:''' Ooh, I better take it easy, or I'm gonna deliver a street pizza.
: ''[Bobo groans]''
: '''Female vendor:''' Next time, you're on the menu!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Unh!
: '''Quarry:''' You were a good earner once, Rex. But lately, you've been costing me too much.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh!
: '''Quarry:''' Now... you... pay!
: '''Cricket:''' No tongues!
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: '''Rex:''' Hyah!
: ''[Quarry laughs evilly]''
: '''Quarry:''' Consider the fact that you made me like this while I'm crushing you.
: ''[Quarry grunting]''
: '''Quarry:''' What?
: ''[Quarry straining]''
: '''Quarry:''' No! Unh! No! AAAAAH!
: '''Rex:''' Bad move, Quarry. Now, where's the &quot;off&quot; switch? Bingo.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' Okay.
: '''Tuck:''' Uh, what just happened?
: '''Cricket:''' Rex happened.
: '''Gamer boy:''' No way. We were actually fighting real people? I'm outta here.
: '''Tuck:''' Nice move, Rex. I guess Quarry eats it again.
: '''Cricket:''' Where is Quarry, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' He bit off more than he could chew. Speaking of which, I'm starved. Who wants to grab a bite?
: '''Bobo:''' Ohh. Hey, Rex, when are we gonna see some action?
: '''Rex:''' I, uh, kind of took the initiative while you were chilling out. Wanna get some dim sum?
: ''[Bobo gags]''
: '''Bobo:''' Uh, no, thanks. I've had all I can eat.
: ''[Bobo gags]''
: '''Rex:''' Can we use your coupon?
: ''[Bobo gags]''
: '''Skwydd:''' You seriously thought you were gonna blow us off?
: '''Tuck:''' Not &quot;we.&quot; &quot;You.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' I came as soon as I could-- Honest.
: '''Cricket:''' You mean you didn't make a detour to Tokyo to buy anime?
: '''Rex:''' Okay, almost as soon. But it all turned out fine. And the most important thing is, we put a stop to that tech before there was enough of it to start a real army.
: '''Tuck:''' You can say that again.
: '''Skwydd:''' ''[Chuckling]'' Yeah.
: '''Rex:''' Now, hurry up and eat this before my chimp finds us. Mmm!
: '''Build worker:''' Okay, guys. That's the last of them. Provindence needs these machines on the next cargo ship. Let's move!

===A Brief History of Time===
: '''Van Kleiss:''' 4.000 years from my destination, and I've run out of of time. I've scarcely completed the vessel which shall deliver me to my own era. Gharun-Set, activate the traps-- Quickly! My greatest creation-- So useful to me, but too dangerous to roam free. If only I had time to destroy him, as I should. But I have a more pressing death I must prevent. My own. AAAAAAAAAAAH!
: '''Rex:''' Kind of defeating the whole stealth element of a stealth suit, Bobo.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, now was I supposed to know that ghanoush went bad?
: '''Rex:''' Maybe because you found it in a garbage can.
: '''Bobo:''' On top of a garbage can.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to Rex. Are you at the site?
: '''Rex:''' There is not site, remember? Black Knight blew the pace to kingdom come.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Yet it's still guarded. And thanks to the data you stole from Providence, we know why.
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss back in time? I still find it hard to believe.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You were sent six months into the future, Rex. It stands to reason that the reverse is possible.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you expect to find him here, maybe we should check the mummy museum. We're sensing nanites-- Definitely V.K.'s. They've been dead a long time.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over 4,000 years. I'm also detecting tachyons-- Quantum particles that travel in time. I think it's clear what he was making.
: '''Bobo:''' A latrine?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' A time machine.
: '''Rex:''' No way he pulled it off! If mister ego made it back to here and now, we'd know about it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Some of these nanites are considerably younger. That means he was there in two different time periods.
: '''Rex:''' Time travel gives me a headache. Just tell me-- Where is he now?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The more accurate question is, when is he?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' AAAAAAH!
: ''[Van Kleiss gasping]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! The ordeal is... draining. But now, back in my own time, I can replenish my nanite reserves and--
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Quis es tu?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I recognize the language, of course-- Classical latin. Qui-- Q-Qui annus est?
: '''Gladiator #1:''' What year is it? You dare question a captain of the imperial guard? Aegyptus is a roman Providence! Answer! Who are you?
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Don't bother-- He's clearly sun-mad.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The dialect, the dress-- This is the second century A.D. A mere 2,000 years has passed. I'm only halfway home!
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Another escaped slave. Finish him and be done with it.
: ''[Gladiator #2 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It was all the fight I could muster. I had no way to replace the nanites I'd spent in the journey, and my gauntlet had yet to recharge those that remained.
: '''Gladiator #2:''' This one shows spirit. He'll bring a good price in the arena.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' OOMPH!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Save your strength.
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Where you're going, you'll need it.
: ''[Van Kleiss slurps]''
: ''[Van Kleiss gulps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I intend to. Of the mysterious force, there is no sign. Yet I sense it is close-- Pursuing me even across the centuries. I am convinced it is a manifestation of time itself. My presence is a violation of physics-- An imbalance which the time stream seeks to correct... By wiping me from existence. But of this, I am certain-- If I do not return to my own time, it will surely destroy me.
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You are fortunate, slave. To die in the arena is a great honor.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' An honor I look forward to bestowing.
: ''[Gladiator #1 laughs]''
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You see? Spirit!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Put on a good show, little man, and I promise to make your end a painless one.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Indeed?
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I, on the other hand, make no such promise.
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunting]''
: ''[Van Kleiss grunting]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Gladiator #3 groans]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' One against so many? Hardly seems fair. For them.
: '''Gladiator #4:''' ARRRGHHHH!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ordinarily, I'd say &quot;take me to your leader,&quot; but I believe he's already here.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great warrior... Never have I seen such a battle. I am...
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Septimius Severus, 21st emperor of Rome, founder of the severan dynasty. And, as I recall, you poisoned your own commanding officer to get his position... And wear only boots to conceal a prodigious clubfoot.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Are you a man... Or a God?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I find both labels rather limiting. Now, then, you are going to give me whatever I require, starting with a quiet place to work. I, in return, shall ensure the growth and security of your reign as emperor. You may call me Van Kleiss.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Whatever your desire, great Vanklios.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, it's... Got a rather nice ring.
: '''Rex:''' What's with this guy? Gets a portrait done in every time period?
: '''Bobo:''' Mm. ''[muffled]'' Truly a nutjob for the ages. Mm. Speaking of nuts... Want some?
: '''Rex:''' You've been dumpster-diving again?
: '''Bobo:''' I prefer &quot;foraging.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Nice sleuthing there, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Nanites decay at a measurable half-life. I set our sat-net to do a global scan for the same frequency-- Ergo, Rome.
: '''Rex:''' Great. You scan for the next stop, we'll grab a pizza.
: '''Bobo:''' Pass. I'm experiencing inexpicable gastric distress.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it would take months to scan the entire spectrum. You need to find the next decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Kind of like nanite connect-the-dots! Can I do it with someone else?
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, quiet, you! Rah!
: '''Rex:''' This goose chase just got a little wilder. My brother's here.
: '''Caesar:''' Caesar to Black. We've detected paleo-nanites. Tachyon readings negative. We're moving to the next hot stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons-- They want Van Kleiss' time machine. Follow them.
: '''Rex:''' Come on.
: '''Bobo:''' Can you give me a teeny sec? I gotta find the little gladiators' room.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Advances in the last two millenia have allowed me to complete my lab in weeks instead of months. Restrict the flow! Do you want to overload the power cells? Meanwhile, my own nanite supply continues to dwindle.
: ''[Septimius Severus panting]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great Vanklios, protect me!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I've divulged metallurgy and tactics beyond your day. No man may threaten your rule.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' This is no man-- But an apparition!
: ''[Septimius Severus grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' What apparition? Speak, parasite!
: '''Septimius Severus:''' A spirit of doom! Numerous sightings-- The insulare, the rostra, the forum. Listen! It comes! It comes!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Fool. It only wants me.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Ugh!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I release you. Go start a few legends.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
: ''[Septimius Severus gasps]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Be gone! I beg of you! Aah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, those stress lines-- It's the same pattern we saw in Egypt.
: '''Black Knight:''' Report.
: '''Caesar:''' These aqueducts are truly marvels of roman engineering.
: '''Black Knight:''' Have you picked up the next decay frequency?
: '''Caesar:''' Oh-- That. Yes. Uplinking to our global net. Odd. These tachyons seems unrelated to--
: '''Black Knight:''' We have the next target. Scandinavia. Move out. White Knight may have people on the trail. I expect you to do whatever it takes to procure the objective.
: '''Rex:''' Shh!
: '''Caesar:''' I've initiated the same steps as in Egypt! Come along.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we need that decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Just one small problem, doc. This place... is toast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex? Bobo? Respond!
: '''Rex:''' We're okay, doc. Not a mark on us.
: '''Bobo:''' Same can't be said for my stealth suit. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex and Bobo gasps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' So many lives... It's become a blur. I don't know who I am anymore. Only that I must sail onward, ever onwoard down the river of time. Never resting, always moving. Further draining my nanite reserves beyond my ability to replenish. And each re-emergence, I am pursued by the nameless force. I now know it's personal. I am a virus-- An infection of space-time. Call it what you like. This is time's antibody. Whether I can borne home or drowned in its currents, this is my final journey.
: '''Rex:''' Hurry! I'm not sure if we here followed.
: '''Bobo:''' I'm sure.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Don't shoot! It's me.
: '''Rex:''' Holiday? Shouldn't you be at the plant, connecting the dots?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No more dots to connect. The trail ends here. And... I'm reading a humanoid form inside.
: '''Rex:''' I'm confused. Is it a time machine or isn't it?
: '''Caesar:''' It's not a time machine. Are those really necessary?
: '''Rex:''' No way you're getting this time machine, bro!
: '''Caesar:''' I don't want it. And it's not a time machine.
: '''Bobo:''' Well, then, what is it? A meat locker for cold cuts?
: '''Caesar:''' Surprisingly close. We use this technique to transfer unstable nanites. It puts them into a state of dormancy.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Of course. It's a hibernation chamber.
: '''Caesar:''' Only his nanites were dormant. There would still be neuron flow.
: '''Rex:''' Mind telling me what that means, exactly?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He was... Aware. The whole time, for hundreds of years.
: '''Caesar:''' He would have felt every minute pass.
: '''Rex:''' No way! He's totally a mummy!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Run! It's coming! It's coming?!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Rex:''' Easy, easy, Van Kleiss. You're back-- Back in your own time.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' No! No, it'll find me! It always does! You must protect me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyon readings off the chart! Rex, you can't affect that thing. I don't know what can.
: '''Caesar:''' It's a field of pure tachyons. I've got to get a sample.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no, you don't!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I'm back! Back in my own time! You shall not have me?! OHHHH!
: '''Bobo:''' Settle down, Van Winkle.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no. It couldn't be. I need some way to contain it!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons can't be contained!
: '''Caesar:''' Yes, they can. Rex!
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it's too risky!
: '''Rex:''' But I know what this is. Correction-- I know who this is.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah!
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's... Breach.
: '''Rex:''' Breach. Breach! It's me-- Rex.
: '''Breach:''' Rex? Are you real... Or a dream?
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm-- I'm real.
: '''Breach:''' I was everywhere-- Everywhen. But I was nothing-- An emptiness, needing to be filled.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The amp pack. Van Kleiss controlled it. When his nanites were active, Breach was drawn into his timeframe.
: ''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' The final joining would have destroyed them both.
: '''Breach:''' Guess I should say thanks.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, what are friends for? Um, we are still friends... Right?
: '''Caesar:''' You did well, little bro.
: '''Rex:''' And you have your time machine that... isn't a time machine. Everybody goes home happy.
: '''Caesar:''' That? A curiosity-- True. But it was never our goal.
: ''[Van Kleiss shivering]''
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss?! All this for him? what, they're gonna put him in jail?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's Providence, Rex. That's their jurisdiction.
: '''Caesar:''' No need to worry, little brother. He's going to be well supervised.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar, what is going on!?
: '''Caesar:''' Justice.
: '''Bobo:''' Two words-- Crème Brûlée. Ooh. Right after I make a french connection.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Welcome back, Van Kleiss. You look terrible. Ordinarily, I'd say get some rest, but you've had enough of that, I suppose.
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Pull it together. We have work to do. Do you know who I am?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I know who you are. It's been a long time. A very, very long time.

===Mind Games===
: '''Rex''': Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure of that.
: '''Six''': I told you not to get involved, Rex. You're not at full strength.
: '''Rex''': What was I supposed to do-- Just leave it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six has a point, Rex. You're pushed to the edge lately. You can't see everyone.
: '''Rex''': Not listening! Don't worry, dude. I'll have you out of here before you can say-- Circe?!
: '''Circe''': Hey, Rex. Rex! Aaaah!
: ''[Circe sighs]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex! Rex, do you read? What's going on? Your bios are low.
: '''Rex''': Leave her alone! You okay? 
: '''Circe''': I think so. We have to go.
: '''Rex''': Think that's your cue. Hang on. I think I got it. Ow!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': Hate this things.
: '''Circe''': Try wearing one.
: '''Rex''': I have. So, what happened? I thought Providence had you at Abysus.
: '''Circe''': I got away.
: '''Rex''': What about the Pack?
: '''Circe''': The Pack? I-- Don't know. Things are bad out there, Rex. I've been on the run for weeks. Providence has been stepping up their capture orders. I think something big is going down.
: '''Rex''': Tell me about it. Listen, I know we're gonna want to say no, but with everything that's going on...
: '''Circe''': I should stay at the plant. It's safer, right?
: '''Rex''': Wow, that was-- Easy. I had a whole speech and everything.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Well, everything checks out. You're the picture of health. I wish you'd let me do some more thorough scans, through.
: '''Six''': How was it you said you got away?
: '''Circe''': It's a long story. You guys have bigger things to worry about than me... like the Meta-Nanites. Did you get the one from Abysus? Have you found anymore?
: '''Rex''': Ugh, who cares? Let's go do something fun. You want to put Bobo' hand in shaving cream?
: ''[Circe yawns]''
: '''Circe''': Actually, Rex, I'm kind of tired. I thing I might just crash if that's cool.
: '''Rex''': Oh... yeah. Stupid of me. You, uh, get some sleep. Hey, doc. What are you doing?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex. I was just... working. What are you doing up?
: '''Rex''': Ah, it's... stupid.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Yeah, probably. But... go ahead.
: '''Rex''': I'm... excited. Since I got breached, everything's been so crazy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Since you got breached? Right.
: '''Rex''': But with Circe back, I'm starting to think maybe things will turn out okay.
: '''White Knight''': I need everyone in the situation room in five minutes.
: '''Rex''': So much for that.
: ''[Dr. Holiday yawns]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': What'd I miss?
: '''Rex''': Wow, Doc. You sure got comfy quick.
: '''White Knight''': Listen up, people. We need to retrieve a valuable asset before it falls into enemy hands.
: '''Six''': What's the objective?
: '''White Knight''': This man... Dr. Peter Meechum.
: '''Rex''': That guy? I remember him. Van crazy kiddnaped his daughter.
: '''White Knight''': Meechum spent the last year at a safehouse facility... Codename: Pandora's Box... location know only to me.
: '''Rex''': Why all the cloak and dagger?
: '''White Knight''': Because Meechum was one of the original scientists on the Nanite Project. He was given a panic button in case of emergency. Thirty minutes ago-- He activated it.
: '''Six''': Providence?
: '''White Knight''': We have to assume they're trying to assemble the original members of the Nanite Project. What Meechum knows is too valuable to fall into the wrong hands, so go get him.
: '''Six''': Maybe Circe should stay here.
: '''Rex''': What? Why?
: '''Six''': She's not on the team yet-- Not officialy.
: '''White Knight''': Take her. She'll be useful in the field.
: '''Rex''': Ahem. You guys forget you key? Did you check under the mat?
: '''Six''': Rex, focus on the mission. Get to Meechum!
: '''Rex''': Relax, Six. I could take these guys in my sleep, especially with help from... Huh? Circe? Uh... Time-out?
: '''Six''': Peter Meechum, you need to come with us.
: ''[Dr. Meechum scoffs]''
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Took you long enough.
: '''Rex''': Time in.
: '''White Knight''': Still no sign of Circe, Rex. We'll keep looking, but for right now, Meechum is our top priority.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We'll find her, Rex. Don't worry.
: '''White Knight''': In the meantime, Dr. Meechum, I've checked, and your daughter is safe at her boarding school in England.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': My daughter. Right.
: '''White Knight''': We can make immediate arrangements to take you to her.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': No, I'd rather stay with you if that's all right. It's, uh-- It's safer.
: '''White Knight''': Of course. White Knight out.
: '''Rex''': So, after that, Providence attacked Abysus to get the Master-Control Nanite. Guess you were next on their list.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I see. And all this happened in the last year?
: '''Six''': You've missed a lot since you've been away, doctor.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Horrible. I could never work for a Providence like that. I have to say it's all very impressive. Providence has certainly done a lot in the last year.
: '''Caesar''': And with your help, doctor, we can do more.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Where's White Knight? I should tell him I've arrived.
: '''Black Knight''': I can answer that for you. It's good to have you back, doctor.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': What happened to White?
: '''Black Knight''': Just a routine change in command. Nothing to worry about. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Tell me you have my money ready.
: '''Black Knight''': You get away you want when I get what I want... Not before.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Relax.
: '''Six''': I'm a professional, aren't I?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six, see Meechum? I have some data I'd like to go over with him. Are you... okay?
: '''Six''': Rebecca, I have something important to tell you.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Okay. Well... Thanks for tell me.
: '''Six''': Rex, are you in here? I do not understand this show.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Am I interrupting?
: '''Six''': Not at all. What can I do for you?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Nothing important. I just wanted to say... earlier... that was nice. Unexpected but nice. 
: '''Six''': Earlier?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': In the lab?
: '''Six''': I have no idea what you're talking about.
: ''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
: '''Rex''': Six, I need to talk to you about Circe. Uh... Six? Earth to agent guy. You okay?
: '''Six''': I'm fine. I've just decided not to waste any more time on you, Rex.
: '''Rex''': Um... Is this because I accidentaly used your swords to slice a pizza?
: '''Six''': It's because you're weak. You don't have what it takes to complete the mission.
: '''Rex''': Ohh, I get it. This is one of your test, right?
: '''Six''': No test. Just me coming to my senses. You're not strong enough to survive what's coming. In the end, you're gonna let us all down.
: ''[Dr. Holiday crying]''
: '''Rex''': Doc? What's wrong?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' I-It's nothing, Rex. I didn't want you to see me like this.
: '''Rex''': Well, what is it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' It's Six. I'm afraid of him.
: '''Rex''': What?! That's crazy talk.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' Is it? You have to have seen it. He's violent, on edge. He's losing control.
: '''Rex''': Are we talking about the same Six?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We don't even known him. He was a killer, Rex. The old Six might have changed, but how do we know this Six didn't come back... Wrong?
: ''[Dr. Meechum whistling]''
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I have a question. How do you plan to re-create the project without a bio-interface expert?
: '''Caesar''': Oh, but we do have one.
: '''Van Kleiss''': No! The string doesn't work. Gordian knot, tied up tight. Alexander cheated. Can't cheat. Eyes on your own paper! Peter? No! Can't be! Different time, different me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Van Kleiss? You brought back that monster?
: '''Caesar''': Of course. He was the original interface programmer. Who better?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Excuse me a moment. White, what the heck is going on?!
: '''White Knight''': Peter? Where are you?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I'm at Providence. Where are you?
: '''White Knight''': Providence. But that's not-- I have to go. We have a problem.
: '''Rex''': You're darn right we have a problem, because this isn't Peter Meechum!
: ''[Dr. Meechum laughing maniacally]''
: '''Scarecrow''': Heya, Rex. Miss me?
: '''Rex''': Who are you? Where's Meechum?
: '''White Knight''': His name's John Scarecrow. He's an EVO, specialist in infiltration. Black Knight played us.
: '''Scarecrow''': You really don't remember me, Rex? I'll give you a hint. We used to share a stomping ground. We had a problem with a shapes hifter once.
: '''Rex''': You were in Hong Kong.
: '''Scarecrow''': Give the man a prize.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Six''': I think he went that way.
: '''Rex''': Wait a minute.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Rex''': I cannot believe I fell for that.
: '''Scarecrow''': Look at you. You're ridiculous. You think he'll come to his senses, realize his true feelings? Then what? You'll settle down. White picket fence. Little agent kids. You're fooling yourself. You're the worst of them... you know that?... Because you know better. You really think you can save the world? None of you can survive what's coming!
: '''Rex''': Prove it's really you. What's my favorite color?
: '''Six''': I have no idea.
: '''Rex''': It's you, all right.
: ''[Dr. Holiday screaming]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Put it away. I'm not the EVO.
: '''Six''': We heard you scream.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That wasn't me.
: '''Six''': Let's all calm down. We can figure this out.
: '''Rex''': Why, Six? Because I'm weak? You don't think I can handle this?
: '''Six''': I never said that.
: '''Rex''': But you think it, right? I don't see you putting down your guns, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': I know it's not me. I'm not sure about you two.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Scarecrow''': So easy. I barely had to nudge you.
: '''Rex''': Whatever you're after, you're not getting away with it.
: '''Scarecrow''': Get away with it?! Re-e-e-x, I got what I needed in the first five minutes.
: '''Rex''': Then why? Why do all this?
: '''Scarecrow''': Simple. I wanted to do to you what you did to me.
: '''Rex''': I'm done with you!
: ''[Scarecrow groans]''
: '''Scarecrow''': The big hero. Why do you get to forget? It's not fair!
: '''Rex''': Whine, whine, whine. What... you didn't get enough crazy hugs as a kid?
: '''Scarecrow''': You think I'm the only one you hurt? Then tell me--
: '''Skwydd''': What about us? Why'd you betray me? 
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Circe:''' You promised to protect me, Rex. Where were you?
: '''Rex:''' Stop it!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex breathing heavily]''
: '''Caesar''': Face it, bro. It's why I left you. Mom and dad, too.
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': You're your own worst enemy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That's for Rex. That's for Providence. And that was for the kiss.
: '''White Knight''': Providence won this round. No question.
: '''Rex''': They have the real Meechum. Maybe more.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': There's no telling how much of our system Scarecrow uploaded.
: '''Six''': But we have to assume they know everything we do.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs evilly]''
: '''White Knight''': Black Knight is coming for us. It's just a matter of time.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': So? I mean, we knew that. Nothing's changed, right?
: '''Six''': Rex, this is what they wanted-- To turn us against each other.
: '''Rex''': Yeah, and look how easy it was. We thought we were a team, but we're not. We're vulnerable.
: '''Van Kleiss''': It's Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Looking past Occam's Razor, we can clearly see to a quantum level. A quantum level is what I'm trying to achieve, because if I didn't do the quantum level, then I can understand what's happening.
: '''Caesar''': I know you don't like this, but it's not about us.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Can you do it? Can you control him?
: '''Caesar''': Leave Van Kleiss to me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': What about Black Knight? I don't like her, Salazar. Never did.
: '''Caesar''': Trust me, Peter-- When we're finished, the end will justify the means.

===Hermanos===
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-OA! Unh! Ugh!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Agent Six''': Be careful, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm touched by your concern, Six.
:'''Agent Six''': It's not for you. We don't have Providence to pick up the tab anymore. You break it, you buy it.
:''[Rex growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm saving the day here. What are they gonna do--Sue me? Oh, come on! It was a rhetorical question! What was I supposed to do? The whole building was made of glass!
:'''Lawyer''': ''[Hispanic accent]'' Glass? What are you talking about?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm... not talking about anything. What are you talking about?
:'''Lawyer''': Mr. Salazar, I'm an associate at the stateside branch of the Argentinean firm Gomez and Gomez. And today, sir, is your lucky day!
:'''Rex Salazar''': What's this?
:'''Lawyer''': It's yours!
:'''Noah Nixon''': No away! This is your house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I know! According to the lawyer guy, this rancho in Argentina's been in my family forever. And ever since my parents died in the event, those lawyers have been trying to track down the heir. And guess who that is.
:'''Noah Nixon''': You and your brother?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, yeah, right. Him too.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Dude, it's never a good time, but you go to-- O...kay, so maybe this really isn't a good time, but this is important. I was being chased by a lawyer. No, I wasn't being sued this time. But you'll never guess what he--
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Is this about the rancho?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You know about it?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Those lawyers have left me a dozen messages.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And you didn't tell me? Caesar, I never even knew we had this place! There might be photo albums, home movies-- I don't know-- maybe even an old teddy bear or something.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': You never had a teddy bear.
:'''Rex Salazar''': See, the fact that you know that and I don't-- that's why we need to go down there.
:'''Lawyer''': Clear!
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I can't, Rex. My work's already been interrupted once today. Although... Now that you mention the ranch, it does bring back some memories.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really? Like what?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': There was an experiment I remember mom and dad running. If you could find the notes, it might save some time on the work I'm doing now.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Notes? Come on. Isn't family more important than-- Guess not.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Why can't I have a normal brother? Know anything about cows? Thanks for coming with me. This is really a family thing, but my brother is, well-- My brother. 
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you kidding? I'm psyched! I've been killing myself trying to find a birthday present for Claire. A vacation at my best friend's awesome ancestral estate? What other guy could offer her that?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, but then why bring Annie?
:'''Annie''': Um, this just kind of broke off.
:''[Annie, Claire and Noah screaming]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I sure hope this isn't included in Six's &quot;You break it, you buy it&quot; policy.
:'''Annie''': Sorry.
:'''Rex Salazar''': No problem. We're here.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Are... you sure this is the place?
:'''Noah Nixon''': What happened to it?
:'''Annie''': Hey, don't look at me. I just got there.
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Annie''': Okay, that was me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I guess this must be my... family.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Looks like you-- But with a 'stache.
:'''Annie''': I like you with a 'stache.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Hey, there are chickens in here!
:'''Annie''': And llamas!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Chicken, llamas-- And a funny-looking bull.
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I-I-I take it back! You're not funny-looking!
:'''Chiquito''': This place is Durango's!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, actually--
:'''Chuquito''': No fancy talk! Just go!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Okay, number one, how is &quot;actually&quot; fancy talk! Number two, I don't know who Durango is, but this farm isn't his. And number three--
:''[Chiquito grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Ugh! All right, there's no misunderstanding the international language of getting punched in the face. So read my fist-- Get out of my house!
:'''Chiquito''': Durango will not be happy!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, don't know who that guy was, but problem solved.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh, you think? Aah!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Calmate, Chiquito. You are my brother. I would not do anything to hurt mi hermano. Unless you force me to. I cannot lose that tract of land. Without its right of way, I will lose my claim on the rest of the county. But never mind. They will learn-- When you mess with the bull, you get the horns.
:'''Rex Salazar''': OHHH! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': A chicken just tried to poop on my shoe!
:'''Rex Salazar''': I think I can top you there.
:'''Noah Nixon''': No offense, but when I asked Claire to come here, this wasn't what I was hoping for.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, me either. I mean, I was thinking I'd find-- I don't know what. But everything in this place has been smashed or stolen. Maybe this whole family thing isn't for me.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': That's the one!
:'''Claire Bowman''': Please, Noah. It just needed a little help laying an egg.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[Chuckling]'' What, did you grow up on a farm in Kansas?
:'''Claire Bowman''': An apartment in Chicago-- Which is where I learned to download videos onto my phone.
:'''Telephone Voice''': When caring for an egg bearing hen, remember to--
:'''Muchado''': Hola? Quien esta aquí?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh... hello?
:'''Muchado''': So, you are the Americans? I am Señor Muchado-- The juez.
:'''Claire Bowman''': That's like a judge?
:'''Muchado''': Sí. For all intents and purposes, I am the law in this county-- Which is why I have come here with him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Good, because I definitely want to press charges.
:'''Muchado''': You misunderstand. I am here because of the trouble you caused for Chiquito.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Chiquito?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Your mom must have some sense of humor to name you &quot;Tiny&quot;.
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Muchado''': Chiquito's brother is Señor Durango. He controls most of the land in this county, including this hacienda. At Señor Durango's request, I have prepared a legal order compelling you to vacate.
:'''Claire Bowman''': But this is Rex's farm.
:'''Annie''': Yeah, he's got a deed and everything.
:'''Muchado''': This might have some bearing-- If you were a Salazar.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, we're in luck. I am.
:'''Annie''': Maybe this will help.
:'''Muchado''': You may be a Salazar, but by our law, this land has been deemed abandoned, and Señor Durango has claimed it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Sorry. Been sort of busy saving the world and stuff. But I'm here now, so consider his claim unclaimed, then reclaimed by me.
:'''Muchado''': It is not so simple. You would have to demonstrate you are actively maintaining the ranch. That means shearing and feeding the animals, bringing your bulls to market--
:'''Rex Salazar''': To market? What, like a... cattle drive?
:'''Claire Bowman''': No problem. We can totally figure out how to do that.
:'''Muchado''': A ranch this size requires at least a dozen hired men.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, just... uh...
:'''Muchado''': No one within 100 kilometers will help you cross Señor Durango. If you do this, you will do it alone. And you will fail.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Well, that guy was kind of a jerk.
:'''Annie''': Yeah. So, let's get to work.
:'''Noah Nixon''': How? Everything here is broken.
:'''Annie''': Uh, have you seen my house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You guys don't have to do this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What kind of friend would walk away now?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh... yeah! No way you could stop me from helping take care of these totally not-gross animals. 
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, I'm smiling like that's what I mean, aren't?
:''[Noah exhales deeply]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I can do this! I can't do this. Until I've done my milking warm-up.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Ugh. Hold this.
:'''Telephone Voice''': With you head resting on her flank, gently grasp the udder with the palm of your hand.
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAH!
:''[Claire giggles]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': I think she likes you.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is your home. Get in your home!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Whoa! AAAH! AAH! Ugh! This is hopeless! This farm only has one bull, and I can't even get it into the barn. And this... better just be mud.
:'''Annie''': Hang on! I'll help you!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No! Don't!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you guys okay?
:'''Claire Bowman''': What is it? A storm cellar?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Looks like some kind of lab.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Figures. My mom and dad were Caesar's parents, too. Of course they'd find a way to take work home with them. Probably where those notes Caesar wanted are. Might as well grab them before the judge kicks us out.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's he talking about? I think we're doing a pretty good job taking care of the--
:'''Annie''': Uh, guys--
:''[Claire grunts]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wait-- Donkeys eat hay, don't they? Maybe we can use it to lure them back into the barn.
:'''Annie''': I got it! Ugh!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, on the plus side, at least we now know for sure that donkeys do eat hay.
:''[On videotape of the Salazar family]''
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day, these things are going to change the world, and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': ''[Chuckling]'' Caesar, please, mi hijo. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay! Okay!
:''[Claire sniffs]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's that smell?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Which one? Everything here smells.
:'''Claire Bowman''': No, it smells like... smoke!
:'''Annie''': Rex! The straw caught on fire, and it exploded!
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Chiquito''': Hermano! No! Oomph!
:'''Senior Durango''': What were you thinking? I told you to smoke them out, not burn the land! This is my land! If you weren't my brother--
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Senior Durango''': But you are. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, you must be the brother. Hope I'm not interrupting some kind of weird tender moment.
:'''Senior Durango''': Soy Durango. And I hope there is still a chance we can reach a resonable agreement.
:'''Claire Bowman''': So, then you'll let Rex keep the farm? We played by the rules.
:'''Senior Durango''': Around here, I make the rules.
:'''Annie''': But the judge said--
:'''Senior Durango''': The judge works for me. Now, please, I'm giving you one last chance to leave.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Okay, sure! Oh, wait-- That's right. Your fire blew up what was left of our plane!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh, let me handle the trash-talking with the 20-foot-tall monster EVO, okay? Leave them out of this! They shouldn't even be here! It should have been my brother!
:'''Senior Durango''':  That is why you will lose your farm. Without family, a man is nothing. After all, what is this land to them?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't even know what this place is to me. I came here hoping to find out more about who my family is.
:''[Rex start looking at Noah, Claire and Annie, and smile to them]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I did. So, you're going to stop threatening them-- And me-- And get off my land.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay. Here's the plan-- Stay behind me! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, there goes that plan.
:'''Senior Durango''': Hurt them. You can do that, can't you?
:'''Claire Bowman''': W-what do we do now?!
:'''Annie''': The only one of us with powers just got kicked to the curb.
:'''Noah Nixon''': That depends on what you mean by &quot;powers&quot;.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex muffled grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Not a good time, Caesar.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just wanted to tell you-- Forget about those notes. I realized that's not what's important about you going down there.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wow, Caesar. I can't believe you came around.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just realized-- The really important thing is, if you happen to find a termo-chronometer I remember having down there, it would save me from ordering one.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:''[Chiquito snarls, roars]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': This morning, I almost had to touch a cow's underparts. You think you can do me worse than that? Bring it.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito roars]''
:'''Annie''': Ugh! I didn't mean for that to happen.
:'''Claire Bowman''': We did.
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Ugh! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
:'''Senior Durango''': OOMPH!
:''[Durango lows]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-O-O-O O-OA!
:''[Durango lows]''
:''[Durango snorts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Durango growls]''
:''[Durango growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Trust me-- My brother's let me down way worse. But what am I gonna do? He's my brother.
:'''Senior Durango''': It is over.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Nice ego there, but I've been hit a lot harder.
:''[Durango spits]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Those bells signal the market is ending soon. I can see you have yet to herd you cattle there.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, come on! The one cattle I've got doesn't even move!
:'''Senior Durango''': If you do not have your cattle to market before it ends, you will have failed to fulfill your deed, and this land will be mine.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then I guess I don't have any time to waste talking about it.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Come on. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Forget it. I got this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': WHOO-HOO! Yes! Go, Rex!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Where's Durango?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oww! Come on! You don't move the whole time, and you can't stay still?
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': What is this, a western? You're actually trying to stop him with a rockslide?
:'''Senior Durango''': You? Here? How is that even possible?
:'''Telephone Voice''': Donkeys can be ridden surprinsingly fast if you--
:'''Noah Nixon''': Come on! Just give up! The farm belong to Rex. And I really want to get off this thing.
:'''Senior Durango''': You think I'm afraid of you ''[Scoffs]'' boy?
:'''Claire Bowman''': Oh, it's not the boy you should be afraid of.
:'''Annie''': Oops.
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Ugh!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': We sheared the llamas, we milked the cows, I got the bull to town. We did everything in the deed.
:'''Muchado''': Sí, sí. But more important, you faced Durango and won! Once the other ranchers hear of this, they won't be afraid. You have broken Durango's hold on our lands.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait-- You're... happy about that?
:'''Muchado''': Of course. I told you exactly what you had to do to legally gain control of the land, didn't I?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh. I guess you did.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wow! Can you believe how you perfect this all worked out?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Yeah, uh, so, maybe we should get out of here before we wear out our welcome.
:'''Rex Salazar''': There's just one thing I want to do first.

===The Rescue===
:''Note'': Rex goes alone to rescue his girlfriend Circe from the clutches of Black Knight. but it turns out she has been waiting for him.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Alone Together===
:''Note'': Finally together at last, Rex and Circe reminiscence about their good and hard times together ans their romance begins to grow.
===Retribution===
===Temporary Insanity===

===Crime and Punishment===
:''Note:'' His false insanity revealed, Van Kleiss abducts Circe with the intent of punishing her for betraying him, due to her enduring love for Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, Circe, you shall learn the ultimate price of betraying me.
:'''Rex:''' ''Leave her alone!!''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, Rex. For young love. One of your greatest weaknesses. After I finish off your beloved, you will no longer be a hindrance to me. 
:'''Rex''' (''enraged'')''':''' I ''said''...LEAVE HER ALONE!!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Shadowed Past===

===Separation Anxiety===
===Brotherly Love===

===Rocky My World===
:'''Beverly:''' Oh, this is so awesome! We're seeing the Trendbenders live!
:'''Rex:''' Well, maybe not see them, but we'll totally hear them. Attention! The Trendbenders will be arriving through the back of the club.
:'''Beverly:''' Slick trick! Yes, Rebecca. I know! Only drink the bottled water. No, we're not that close to the stage. Ugh! I know that's where they mosh-pit. Don't worry! Bye!
:'''Rex:''' Your sister is acting like your mother. I wouldn't put up with it. Doc?! I'm right next to her! Yes, we've got earplugs. Only bottled water-- I know! Yes, you'll pick us up at 11:00. Okay! Bye!
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' I met a guy who has looking for a lucky break. I met a guy mad he wouldn't make a mistake. No loser here the weight would be upon his face. This ain't no lucky break it's just another day.
:'''Beverly:''' Hey!
:'''Rex:''' There's something wrong with that guy.
:'''Beverly:''' Yeah! It's called lack of social skills.
:'''Sebastian:''' We have to talk! You got to listen to me!
:'''Rex:''' I think they're a little too busy for a chat right now.
:'''Sebastian:''' It's me! Your first fan!
:'''Rex:''' Come on, dude. Can't you just watch the show, like everyone else?
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' You won't bring me down. Yeah-yeah-yeah. You won't bring me down.
:'''Sebastian:''' I'm not just everyone else.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' You want to rethink trying to stop me?
:'''Beverly:''' Whoa! Geek in triplicate!
:'''Rex:''' More like EVO geek.
:'''Sebastian:''' I bet you're not even a real fan!
:'''Rex:''' Hey, I know their music!
:'''Sebastian:''' Yeah? What album is &quot;Bitten on the Wind&quot; from?
:'''Beverly:''' Uh, their first album.
:'''Sebastian:''' Wrong! Their third! Poser!
:'''Sly:''' Here's one from our first album-- &quot;Bitten on the Wind.&quot;
:'''Beverly:''' Told ya! Their first album! Who's the poser now?
:'''Sebastian:''' But it is their third. They keep denying their first two albums exist!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:''[Rex bones cracking]''
:'''Rex:''' Shouldn't you be home, making sure your mom isn't snooping around your basement? Ouch! All right, I've had enough.
:'''Sebastian:''' I know you. You're that guy from Providence that beats up on EVOs.
:'''Rex:''' And I'm guessing you're not one of my fans.
:'''Sebastian:''' This isn't over! They still need me to show them the way back. I'll make them listen to me.. No matter what! Ugh!
:'''Man:''' No re-entry without a hand stamp.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, but--
:'''JoJo:''' It's okay. He's with me. I'm JoJo, the band's manager.
:'''Beverly:''' Oh!
:'''JoJo:''' Sly Tyler, vocals, six stringer. Burrito Beau on the big bottom, and Leon Adler on the skins.
:'''Beau:''' Bass.
:'''Leon:''' Drums.
:'''Beverly:''' They're even cutter up close!
:'''JoJo:''' But Sebastian isn't. And now that fruitcake fan has become a major menace.
:'''Rex:''' You know who that guy is?
:'''Sly:''' Yeah, he's one of our first fans from way back.
:'''Leon:''' But he didn't like our change in music direction.
:'''Beau:''' Change, like in popular.
:'''Sly:''' So he started sending us nasty e-mails and slagging us on the fan sites.
:'''JoJo:''' But now he's turned violent, and it turns out he's-- H-he's--
:'''Rex:''' An EVO that can multiply himself.
:'''JoJo:''' We can't handle that kind of threat, but you can.
:'''Beverly:''' Is this a job offer?
:'''JoJo:''' As head of security for the rest of the tour.
:'''Rex:''' Huh, I don't know. Putting up with groupies, great music, catering, the Rock'n'roll lifestyle-- Oh, right, like I'm not totally in for this!
:'''Beverly:''' And I'm your deputy, sheriff.
:'''Sly:''' Absolutely.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Absolutely not.
:'''Rex:''' They've got an EVO threat.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Fine, Rex. Beverly? And don't forget to use earplugs.
:'''Rex:''' Private jet to the next gig? Airline-- First class? Coach?
:'''JoJo:''' Of the road kind.
:'''Rex:''' Traveling the open road, bringing music to the people. Where to next?
:'''Beau:''' Eugene, Oregon. ''[Unenthusiastically]'' WHOO-HOO!
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Leon:''' Bad seat. Got a lot of them.
:''[Beau farts]''
:''[Rex sniffs]''
:'''Leon and Rex:''' Oh!
:''[Leon coughs]''
:'''Leon:''' Isn't the ozone layer depleted enough, Beau?
:'''Rex:''' Want to hit the streets and check out the local scene?
:'''Sly:''' Seriously, man? It's just another town.
:'''Beau:''' Been there. Seen them all.
:'''TV Announcer:''' He's currently under 3, 2 behind the leader. This is a very tricky--
:'''Rex:''' Oh, let's throw this in the pool!
:'''Leon:''' Hey, I'm watching something, dude!
:'''Rex:''' How about a food fight?
:'''Sly:''' Sorry, man. Not feeling it.
:'''Rex:''' This isn't feeling very Rock'n'Roll.
:'''JoJo:''' Rex, we hired you to consult on security, not rock-tour clichés.
:'''Sebastian:''' Room service.
:'''JoJo:''' Again? You guys, this is costing too much.
:'''Sly:''' But we didn't order anything else.
:'''Sebastian:''' That's okay. This is on the house!
:''[Sebastian grunts]''
:''[JoJo gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Look out! He's got... Paperwork?
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got notes and visuals on where you've gone commercial and how you can get back to your roots! He's with the band now? He's not even a real fan! You see? You've got to come with me. You need my help!
:'''Rex:''' They're not going anywhere, but you are!
:'''Sebastian:''' My copies don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But you do!
:'''Girl:''' Whoa! You must really be a big fan!
:'''Sebastian:''' Only of their early stuff.
:'''Girl:''' Eww! Their early stuff is weak.
:'''Teen girl:''' But their new songs are awesome!
:''[Girls giggling]''
:''[Sebastian growls]''
:''[Girls screaming]''
:'''Rex:''' Excuse me. I'm with the band.
:'''Teen girl:''' But you missed your ride.
:'''Rex:''' That's okay. I've got my own.
:'''Man:''' Rock bands! Never again!
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got to take you away from this sellout existence, where you deny your first two albums even exist.
:'''Sly:''' B-but those albums weren't any good. That's why we only had a few fans, like you.
:'''Rex:''' If there's only three of them, then who's driving the car?
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Did he... Ah! Rent that car from the circus? Time to cut this act short.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' Oh, man. I went to my first Trendbenders show in that car.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe I can't turn off your obsession, but I can shut down your nanites.
:'''Beau:''' That clone-boy?
:'''Rex:''' I don't think he's going to be a problem now.
:'''JoJo:''' We can still use you on the tour. What did you say?
:'''Rex:''' Yes!
:'''Sly:''' Good man! ''[singing]'' You see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, kill your radio, you live a life for all to see, sometimes it's right, sometimes obscene, now you're the enemy, it's one for all and all for me, unlocking doors and misery, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, it isn't all, that it's cracked up to be, I never thought it'd be so easy, I wouldn't have it any other way, you see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah&quot;.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Sly:''' At least we got a day off before the next gig.
:'''JoJo:''' Guys, a club owner in fleeceburg just offered us amazing money. I booked it.
:'''Rex:''' For when?
:'''JoJo:''' We're already running late.
:'''Sly:''' They're paying money for us to play in this dump?
:'''JoJo:''' Big money. Come on. You're on in ten minutes.
:'''Rex:''' I'm guessing ticket sales are a little slow.
:'''Leon:''' Are we breaking up?
:'''Beau:''' This dive seems awfully familiar.
:'''Sebastian:''' It should.
:'''Rex:''' That voice seems awfully familiar!
:'''Teens:''' Dude! Nobody move! What's going on? Who's touching me? What is this? Excuse me. What is going on?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I built an exact replica of the first club you played in.
:'''Beau:''' Hey, that's one of my puke stains. Fruitcake knows his details.
:'''Rex:''' But I cured you.
:'''Sebastian:''' Hmm... That was a copy, not the original.
:'''Sly:''' Whatever. When's this gonna end, fan-boy?
:'''Sebastian:''' It ends tonight. Check the floor at your feet.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I've given up trying to get you back to your roots. So now you'll play what I want to hear for the next hour. And then your career ends with a bang. :'''Sly:''' On behalf of the band, I'd like to thank our manager, JoJo, for booking this totally insane gig!
:''[JoJo laughs nervously]''
:'''Sebastian:''' The sound of cold, hard cash is the only music sellouts like you listen to anymore.
:'''Rex:''' They're not sellouts. They just got more popular than you wanted.
:'''Sebastian:''' You try anything, and I'll end their last gig prematurely. You're only alive because I want you to see what the Trendbenders used to be like. For the next hour give me the early stuff, when you were cool.
:'''Sly:''' Why bother? You're gonna nuke us, anyway.
:'''Sebastian:''' Because if you don't play, this happens!
:'''Sly:''' Aah!
:'''Leon, Sly and Beau:''' No more!
:'''Sly:''' Okay, dude, what's the first number?
:'''Sebastian:''' &quot;Crawling undertow&quot;!
:'''Sly:''' Well, how does it feel?
:'''Sebastian:''' First album, seventh song. Fifth song on the Japanese import.
:'''Sly:''' To get that weight back on our shoulders--
:'''Sebastian:''' You're giving it a beat that wasn't in the original, man! Not even in the remix from the box set. Play it right this time! I'm missing the concert because of you!
:'''Rex:''' Stinks to be you. Got to cure the real Sebastian. But which one is the mother ship?
:'''Sebastian:''' You can't even play your old songs like you used to. Total disappointment. Let's end this bummer concert.
:'''Sly:''' But we still have over a half-hour left!
:'''Sebastian:''' Last song, no encore.
:'''Rex:''' Tell me who's the original, or I'll turn you into dessert topping!
:'''Sebastian:''' You don't scare me. I don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But the real Sebastian does. Sly! Maximum feedback! Now! Thanks, Doc.
:'''Sebastian''': AAAHHHH!
:'''Rex:''' How do you like their new hit, Sebastian Prime? Here's another new groove you're not going to like.
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Congrats. You're back to being a solo act.
:'''Sebastian:''' You've got to listen to me!
:''[Sebastian yelling]''
:'''Rex:''' Kidnapping, assault and battery, construction without a permit-- that should keep him away for years.
:'''JoJo:''' Have to say it, guys, but we've got a gig in toledo to get to. Security?
:'''Rex:''' Not anymore. Sebastian's done, and so am I.
:'''Sly:''' Dude, I thought you wanted the rock'n'roll lifestyle.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not tough enough for it. I need to get back to something easier, like city-smashing EVOs and conspiracies to take over the world.
:'''Beau:''' Don't know what your missing.
:'''Rex:''' I think do. But I don't miss this. Yes, doc? Don't need my earplugs anymore. I quit. Will you let me tell you? No, the EVO threat wasn't just an excuse. Well, I'm coming back! Will you let-- Doc!

===Lost and Found===

===My Brother's Keeper===

===Target: the Consortium===
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You are...?
: '''Rex:''' Rex. Rex Salazar. What are you?
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: '''Rex:''' HUNH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Rex gasps deeply]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. That was a total zero on the fun meter.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Learning how to communicate with the nanite world isn't about fun. Did you get anywhere at all?
: '''Rex:''' Don't know. I connected with a Master Control Nanite for a second, and then I lost it. But I also got, like, this feeling that something's about to happen in the nanite world. Something... big.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Argh! This is Rylander's speciality, not mine. There's no way I can cover for him.
: '''Caesar:''' Not to worry, Dr. Meechum. You won't have to any longer. Dr. Rylander will take over from here.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Oh, really, Caesar? From his current location of beyond the grave?
: '''Rylander:''' Actually, Peter, I was never completely dead-- just spread a little thin-- ''[chuckling]'' Moleculary speaking. Caesar's been working on putting me back together.
: '''Black Knight:''' All of them together-- At last. Contact the Consortium. We now have something to show them. Something big.
: '''White Knight:''' Even having two of the Master-Control Nanites doesn't change the vital importance of finding the other three. But the latest intel I've received could give us a way to neutralize the group obsessed with these machines.
: '''Six:''' The Consortium.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't those the money guys that bankrolled the Nanite Project in Providence?
: '''White Knight:''' The same. Formerly made-up of six members, but now five-- Reddick, made his wealth in real estate and construction. Vostock, black market finance and KGB... Zanubian, arms dealing and shipping. Roswell, oil and minerals. Anthony Haden-Scott, worldwide media.
: ''[Rex munches]''
: '''Rex:''' Should we be writing this down for the pop quiz later?
: '''White Knight:''' You may be facing them soon because of the efforts of our stealthiest agent.
: '''Rex:''' Mm! Thank you! I think.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' He's not talking about you.
: '''Rex:''' Hey! It's Evo-cat guy! Uh... sorry-- What's your name? O...kay, cat with no collar, what's in the sack? Bunch of canaries? Well, that's... something.
: '''White Knight:''' Our associate has been tracking the Consortium with a little help from a former member.
: '''Rex:''' I remember him! He's the one Rylander got revenge on with an EVO love letter.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That he never recovered from. But he's still full of useful knowledge about the other members.
: '''Rex:''' As long as you have a towel handy for the answers.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' The Consortium has financed a new facility for nanite research. All of them will be at that location within the next six hours.
: '''Six:''' And so will we.
: '''White Knight:''' A rare opportunity like this can't be missed. You three will capture the Consortium and bring them to a secure location. Understood?
: '''Rex:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Black Knight:''' Gentlemen, I wanted you here today to--
: '''Reddick:''' &quot;Wanted?&quot; Sounds like a command.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You get to ask, not order.
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm sorry. Let me restate. I asked you here because I can now present some major developments in your quest. I finished construction on the nanite reactor and reassembled against all odds the original science team to run it. Doctors Meechum, systems expert. Salazar, artificial intelligence. Rylander, microengineering. And Van Kleiss, biomechanical integration.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Nanite's recorder locked in. Hologram Rylander saves money on meals. Glow, glow, glow, yipper.
: ''[Van Kleiss smooches]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' A human flashlight and a brain-fried babbler. This is what I'm supposed to work with.
: '''Vostok:''' Looks like your geniuses have some issues.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' ''[British accent]'' I seem to recall there were two other Salazars on the team.
: '''Black Knight:''' They're dead-- And just as well. Considering their actions are responsible for our setbacks, I highly doubt they would have cooperated.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Black Pawns:''' Ohh!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Black Pawns got to talk to their costume designer. Way too stuffy.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Be quiet.
: '''Six:''' Our target?
: '''Roswell:''' ''[Southern accent]'' Little lady, I'm hoping you didn't get me out here just to watch some lab jockeys do their homework.
: '''Vostok:''' I know I've got better things to do.
: '''Black Knight:''' Aside from the all-important reassembly of the science team and activation of the nanite reactor, I do have another development to show you.
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah? What else you got?
: '''Black Knight:''' An acquisition.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' What's wrong with you?
: '''Rex:''' Forget the Consortium! I know where we can find a Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Six:''' Where?
: '''Rex''': Here.
: '''Six:''' We're doing both. You two get the nanite, I'll get the Consortium.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' On of the five? That's all?
: '''Reddick:''' You know we need all of the Master-Control Nanites to do us any good.
: '''Vostok:''' What about the two you lost? And the other two still out there?
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll have the other four in due time. Take this back to the vault. But remember that each one has its own useful powers. : '''Roswell:''' Not enough to drag me all the way out there, little lady.
: '''Black Knight:''' &quot;Black Knight&quot;.
: '''Black Pawns:''' You're not one of us.
: '''Six:''' Stay clear of the Pawns. They're not buying our cover. Repeat-- Stay clear of the Pawns.
: '''Rex:''' Steel door. A vault!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That was close.
: '''Rex:''' Got it. Have to be as stealthy as you from now on.
: ''[Jungle Catsnarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Van Kleiss!
: ''[Jungle Cat muffled grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Way not to be stealthy. Sorry, cat guy. I know you want payback for him turning you into stone and all, but the nanite is more important.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Security alert. Intruder.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You find the nanite. I'll be a diversion.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' She has shown us some progress. That one nanite is significant in itself.
: '''Reddick:''' It's all five or nothing. Or are you thinking of working a separate deal with the one?
: '''Vostok:''' Can we please not talk like this while those two are in the room?
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah, Xanubian, put a sock in all your yammerin'.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Another intruder at security zone three. It's Agent Six.
: '''Rex:''' Gotcha.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Unh! Aah!
: '''Rex:''' I'll take that. Six! I've got the nanite!
: '''Six:''' Meet your outside.
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' I've got it! Let's scat, cat!
: '''Black Knight:''' If he's here-- So is Rex. Vault security, come in.
: '''Reddick:''' Is there a problem?
: '''Black Knight:''' A minor security issue. I'm taking care of it.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You better, little lady.
: '''Rex:''' Well, mission half accomplished.
: '''Six:''' This should complete it.
: '''Rex:''' You planted a bomb?!
: '''Six:''' Plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' The cat! He's still inside! No! We've got to go back for the cat! He's on his own mission. Van Kleiss is there.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Black Knight, shouldn't we evacuate?
: '''Black Knight:''' The security threat has been removed. Among other things. Track them, find them.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Interlace template, instal copper buffers, hold the mayo, set core temp, heat cold fries.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Remember me?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Someone let the cat in.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You cast me aside as if I was garbage. Turned me to stone. Drained me of life-- Almost. Now it's your turn to suffer.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Had a kitty once. Not you. Bubbles liked catnip and parsnips. Chapped lips. Hip, hip, hooray!
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're here to clean up, ask for directions, not Dr. Screwloose.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Meechum. Bro. He's here to put Van Kleiss out of the world's misery. Give me a reason why he shouldn't.
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Rylander:''' Because the world needs him right now, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander! How did you--
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[to Caesar]'' You got it to work.
: '''Rylander:''' I've looked better, I'll admit, but I'm still very much alive. And so happy to see you again.
: '''Rex:''' If you could bring him back--
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. It won't work for mom and dad.
: '''Rex:''' So, you've come back-- But you're working for them!
: '''Rylander:''' It seems crazy, I know, but look at our progress-- The nanite reactor is almost operational!
: '''Rex:''' Not if I destroy it.
: '''Black Knight:''' Surround them.
: '''Caesar:''' Trust me, hermano, We're doing the right thing.
: '''Rex:''' You keep saying that, but I don't believe it anymore!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Bubbles, I'm sorry. Here, kitty, kitty. Left you out in the rain, rain go away--
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! Easy on the hot sauce, Peter, Peter pumpkin two seater.
: '''Rylander:''' ''[to Caesar]'' Tell him, Caesar!
: '''Rex:''' Tell me what?
: '''Six:''' Revenge time is up.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat roars]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Aah! Careful! Our work! Ugh! Take it outside!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Rex. Rex Salazar.
: '''Rex:''' I can't talk now! Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Thank you.
: '''Rex:''' You're so not welcome.
: '''Black Knight:''' You should have left when you had the chance.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You guys have such a great cafeteria.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Had to come back for more.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah! Unh!
: '''Six:''' Unh!
: ''[Black Knight grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Six:''' UNNNNNNNNH!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' Let's say adiós.
: '''Six:''' There's still plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' We're not assassins.
: '''Six:''' You're not. This might be our one chance.
: '''Rex:''' To be like them? Then what makes us different?
: '''Six:''' Go. I'm right behind you.
: '''Roswell:''' You brought us into an ambush! Right behind you, Mr. Chatterbox.
: '''Vostok:''' You are cowards.
: '''Reddick:''' Graveyards are full of dummies that thought they were though.
: '''Vostok:''' Black Knight, we have a lot to discuss about your future.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, let's talk.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Where's Six?
: '''Rex:''' He said he was right behind us.
: '''Six:''' I am. The Consortium still has to be dealt with.
: '''Rex:''' We now have three Master Control Nanites. I'd say the Consortium has to deal with us.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I'm shocked. What happened?
: '''Black Knight:''' It seems Vostok had an unfortunate run-in with our intruders as he was leaving. But, there's good news. The reactor is gone. Soon we will have all the nanites we need.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' I think it's time we walked about my promotion.

===Convergence===
===Enter the Nanite World===

===Enemies Mine===
: '''Valve:''' Battle is to be waged between your courage and my power. You lose.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Valve, my friend. Lovely day for a riot, don't you think?
: '''Valve:''' What do you want, Gatlocke?
: '''Gatlocke:''' I want lots of things-- A doomsday weapon, my own private island, for my mom to stop calling me to fix her computer. But what I really want is to give you a message. It's time. I suppose I'll make the introductions.
: '''Valve:''' A biker needs no introduction. And everyone knows Hunter Cain.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Everything is going according to plan. We get one more thing. Then we get wrecked.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry we're late.
: '''Bobo:''' We're not late. We're fashionably early.
: '''Providence Agent:''' I was starting to think I was on my own. I've been calling for help, but  Providence hasn't answered.
: '''Six:''' What set this off?
: '''Providence Agent:''' No idea. One moment everything was fine. The next moment, complete chaos.
: '''Rex:''' I'm heading in. I'll lock up when I'm done. Oh, don't bother getting up. I'm just gonna knock you back down again.
: '''Bobo:''' Back in your cages, you filthy animals!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What? You? It's a who's-who of old EVOs. Whew! Really not in the mood for this. You're kidding me. You?!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Three men, one objective, no rules. Oh, this is exciting, isn't it? Or is it just me?
: '''Valve:''' The others are saying that Rex is here. Rex will get his when we're ready.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Watch yourselves. This one's unpredictable. We know what you want, No-Face. Then we can give it to you. Do what we say. Then you'll get Rex. You'll get the chance to tear Rex apart. Piece by piece. Now we're ready.
: '''Rex:''' So you remember who I am. Surprised you have a big enough brain for that. These cells are pretty dull. Let's redecorate. No way I'm letting an EVO get won over on me. Especially a big old frog.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Almost out. Freedom is just a... Bottomless ravine away.
: '''Valve:''' The biker begs the question, how are we getting across?
: '''Gatlocke:''' You know that's not really how begging the question is supposed to be used. Are we kidding? Anyone who gets worked up over that phrase needs to be savagely beaten.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' This'll override the drawbridge system.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, now how would someone like you procure something like that?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Friends and hide places.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, frog legs. Let's put you in solitary confinement.
: '''Bobo:''' Do you look like you got run over by an overstuffed garbage truck?
: '''Rex:''' Feels like it. This is a prison riot. Where's Providence? They should be all over this.
: '''Six:''' They never responded to any calls.
: '''Rex:''' It's a setup. Providence wanted this to happen. But why?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Go ahead.
: '''Rex:''' Wait. This bridge wasn't down before.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. About that. Some of the prisoners escaped together. Gatlocke...
: '''Rex:''' That's bad.
: '''Bobo:''' Hunter Cain...
: '''Rex:''' That's even worse!
: '''Bobo:''' Valve.
: '''Rex:''' That's... Really? Valve?
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. And No-Face.
: '''Rex:''' Those four are loose? Together?
: '''Six:''' We've got a bigger problem.
: '''Rex:''' How can it be bigger than this?
: '''Six:''' The EVOs in the city-- The only thing keeping them tame are their control collars.
: '''Rex:''' And this is a problem because...?
: '''Six:''' Because someone has shut them all down.
: '''Rex:''' Let me get that for you.
: '''Bobo:''' Dumpster dog. Considering you used to ride around in the Paris, I guess you're moving up in the world. Main to your mud.
: '''Six:''' Are you injured?
: '''Rex:''' Just worn out. Is this day over yet?
: '''Bobo:''' Oh! Signs pointing no.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? That came from the track. Can you handle things here?
: '''Bobo:''' Only one way to find out. Valve. Those nanite superchargers you keep using are bad for your health.
: '''Valve:''' If I were you, I'd be more concerned with your own short-term health.
: '''Rex:''' Please, like I have anything to worry about from you. The other three, they're dangerous. You, you're just comedy relief.
: '''Valve:''' I am not. Comedy relief.
: '''Rex:''' Well, you're not funny, that's for sure.
: '''Valve:''' Like the road that continues on, so must the biker.
: '''Rex:''' Where did he go so? Ew! Get away from my tacos, cockroach! Huh? You running away? I'll give you this much, Valve. Maybe you're getting smarter.
: '''No-Face:''' Unlike you.
: '''Rex:''' I put you away once, No-Face. I'll do it again.
: '''No-Face:''' The one who makes machines. The one we've been waiting for.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Figures you try to shoot a guy in the back.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' All I see is a filthy EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, first off, that Lai is tired. Second off, last time I checked, you're teaming up with one. Would that make you an EVO lover? All this hide and seek is wearing me down! Huh? Figures.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Leaving so soon? That's not going to impress the hiring committee. Now, let's see what we have here. &quot;Honor roll, A/V Club.&quot; Ugh. &quot;Glee Club.&quot; ''[Scoffs]'' I'm going to have to be brutally honest with you. You're perfect for my gang. Can you sing soprano? My last soprano drove his motorcycle off a cliff. He survived, but his voice was never the same. By the way, can you fly? This is quite the surprise. I'm willing to hire you, Rex, but you better have some excellent references.
: '''Rex:''' Back to prison, Gatlocke!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Then consider the offer rescinded! You could be a valued member of my gang. It's a tough job market out there, you know?
: '''Rex:''' I'd never work for you!
: '''Gatlocke:''' No, not with that attitude, you wouldn't. Welcome to my gang. Your first task is to destroy Rex-- That guy right there.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' Your second task is to complete harassment training. I teach the class. This pamphlet explains everything.
: '''Rex:''' No, no, no!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, come in. What's happening?
: '''Rex:''' One really bad day.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Your nanite readings are off the charts.
: '''Rex:''' No surprise. I've been fighting and curing EVOs non stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' We need to upload your nanites immediately.
: '''Rex:'''  Now? Doc, my four worst enemies are still on the loose. Well, my three worst enemies in Valve. Plus the city's in chaos. And where in the world is Providence? How come they're not here dealing with this?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Six and Bobo can mop up the last few EVOs. You have to offload.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, fine. But we better make it fast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll be locked in the chamber for one hour.
: '''Rex:''' Just do it, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' This could be a long sixty minutes.
: '''Valve:''' According to the tracking bug, Rex is inside.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Gentlemen, this is what we've been waiting for. It's time for Rex to die.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They followed him.
: '''Gatlocke:''' After we kill Rex. We should work together and form a team call ourselves... Gatlocke and the kitty cats.
: '''Valve:''' Silence your mouth or the biker will silence it for you.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Oh, Valve. You can pretend to be angry, but deep down, you know you're a kitty cat.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' They know we're here.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're quite feisty. Have you ever considered a career in the fast growing field of post apocalyptic gangs?
: '''Valve:''' She has spirit. Valve the biker will see that spirit crushed.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're Gatlocke's favorite kitty cat. Hmm. Rrr.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Don't follow her. She's trying to lead us away from Rex. Rex is close-by.
: '''Valve:''' Rex's chamber... Five minutes to spare.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' More than enough time.
: '''Gatlocke:''' I could have sworn that we'd agreed to take Rex out together.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I'm changing the terms of the deal if you have a problem with that, feel free to stand right where you are. I've waited a long time for this. Rex!
: '''Valve:''' Empty? Or a trick of the mind?
: '''Rex:''' Isn't that obvious? Then again, that tracking bug you stuck on me was obvious, too. And the fake countdown? Obvious. It only took me thirty minutes to upload my nanites. You wanted to run me ragged so you could get me. Instead, here you are all in one place. Gotcha!
: '''Valve:''' UGHH!
: '''Rex:''' UGHHHH! I still don't get why you enlisted Valve. I mean, he's really a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' Valve is the biker. A biker is dangerous.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. Yeah. No.
: '''Valve:''' Rrrr!
: '''Rex:''' So unpredictable. Like a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' AAAAH!
: '''Gatlocke:''' I have a horrible sneaking suspicion that he's winning.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Then do something about it!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Don't have to yell. A kind word will get you much further.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' UGHHH! Oh! Oh! Oh ho ho! Ouch! My back! My front and my back! OHH! This is total, total agony!
: ''[Gatlocke gasps]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' ''[Calmly]'' I'm okay. Really. I'm fine.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' You're lucky. I'll give you that. But you're only delaying the inevitable. You can't beat us all!
: '''Rex:''' I never intended to. This offload facility? I reprogrammed it. My surplus nanites aren't being stored. They're powering the shield.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' It's a trap!
: '''Rex:''' Have fun keeping each other company!
: '''Bobo:''' What a day.
: '''Rex:''' You know, none of this would have happened if Providence hadn't released the convicts and turned out all those EVOs.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They did that to keep you busy.
: '''Rex:''' Keep me busy from what?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The Nanite Project. We just found out. While we dealt with the EVOs, Black Knight got her hands on another Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' Then it's time.

===Sinister Secrets===
===Wounded Hearts===
===One Step Ahead===
===Breaking Point===
===Behind Closed Doors===

===Keeping Hope===
===Trust===

===Terror of the Black Knight===

===Endgame, Part One===
: '''Rex:''' It was going to happen sooner or later. We had most of the pieces, so it was only a matter of time before the Black Knight made her move. And of all the chances she had to attack, it had to be tonight... at this very moment... while I was in the shower. Huh? How many?
: '''Six:''' Should it matter?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Can't you do any better than that?
: '''Bobo:''' I thought you'd never ask.
: '''Rex:''' Rah! Yah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' If they get to the Meta-Nanites, we still have options.
: '''Rex:''' Of the self-destruct kind? No, thanks, doc. It's not going to end that way... hopefully.
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll dispense with the pleasantries. You know what we want.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way you're walking out of here with the nanites.
: '''Black Knight:''' You seem so certain.
: '''Rex:''' We've beaten you before. Every single time, in fact. So, this time is different... How? Okay, that's different. Ugh! You're an EVO?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Do you think you were the only one they experimented on back in the day? You were the guinea pig. Consider me the new-and-improved version.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. Before we go any further, I should probably explain a few things. It started when a bunch of rich guys decided they wanted to live forever, so they got the best scientists in the world to figure out how. The answer was nanites. These microscopic machines would cure disease, end hunger, and pretty much make the world a better place. My parents and older brother were on the team, and so was this guy. Look familiar? Van Kleiss. Then one day there was an accident. To save my life, my parents injected me with nanites. It worked. But there were a few crazy side effects, like the fact I could talk to machines and, later on, build some pretty cool things. That got the rich guys thinking-- How far could we take this? Turns out pretty far. These little machines could control the very fabric of the Universe, but they would need a Master-Control Nanite to program all the others and tell them what to do. Energy, gravity, time/space, elemental, mechanical-- All the things that make the Universe run. Combined together, they would pretty much make you a God. And when my brother and parents found out the Consortium was about to put these nanites inside themselves, they sort of freaked out in a &quot;got to save the Earth&quot; kind of way. Something had to be done to stop it. Turns out that meant blowing the whole thing up, better known as &quot;The Nanite Event&quot;. That didn't end well for my parents. While everyone else ran away, my parents were trapped inside. Sill not sure how. There was some good news-- No more Master-Control Nanites. And the bad news? Dangerous unprogrammed nanites got spread across the world, and nanites plus DNA equals EVO. My brother Caesar got caught in a time warp during his escape. Van Kleiss got blown to smithereens and became the world's biggest pain in the nanite. And me? I got amnesia and traveled the globe living the good life... At least, that's how I tell it. The only part I know of wasn't all that much to brag about. I did get some good friends and a few enemies out of the deal. Turns out that losing my memory was a regular thing for me. Last time I woke up and said, &quot;Who Am I?&quot; It was when this guy found me-- Agent Six. He worked for Providence, sort of a global police force created to clean up after the event. It was paid for mostly by the same group of goons that started the whole thing-- The Consortium. It was great for a while. I had my own personal doctor, a chimp sidekick, a cool best friend to hang with. I was a full-fledged hero. The world loved me, and my powers kept getting better and better. Van Kleiss was still a pain, but I managed to take care of him. A few times, actually. Then things started to get not so cool. My brother shows up from out of nowhere. I get thrown six months into the future to find White Knight kicked out of Providence and this lady in charge-- Black Knight. She's been the lapdog of the Consortium from day one, and now her bosses want to pick up where they left off. Most of the old team of scientists have been reunited, and together, they've restarted the nanite program. The Master-Control Nanites were spread across the globe in the first explosion, and we've been racing against Providence to get them back. So far, we've been winning that fight, and that pretty much brings us to right now.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' The Black Pawns are robots?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Total obedience at the flip of a switch. Can you blame me?
: '''Black Pawn:''' What's so funny?
: '''Six:''' I hold back against people. You're not people.
: ''[Bobo Haha grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Ugh!
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! Hey! Take it easy, would you? Oh!
: '''Rex:''' Fitzy?!
: '''Feakins:''' Heh? Sorry, guy. They found me. She's hard to say &quot;No&quot; to... and live.
: '''Black Knight:''' Well put, Mr. Feakins. And thanks to his unique ability, we can set aside our nanite enhancements and do this the old-fashioned way.
: '''Rex:''' Come on. That's not fair. I'm unarmed!
: '''Black Knight:''' Precisely.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Stop! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad idea.
: '''Rex:''' Listen to the crazy guy.
: '''Black Knight:''' Why are you here, Van Kleiss?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I forgot. Oh, no, wait. I remember. He's got a Master-Control Nanite swallowed up inside him. It's been hiding, the naughty thing.
: '''Rex:''' On second thought, don't listen to him. He's, uh-- He's crazy, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're sure of this?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, yes, yes. Quite sure. Do you have any mints?
: '''Black Knight:''' I want Rex at the lab. Restrain and sedate him.
: '''Rex:''' How, hold on a minute.
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! What about me?
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm not taking any chances. He stays with Rex. Kill the others.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Ahh.
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Human.
: '''Rex:''' What are you telling me? What do you want?
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I get it. How?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Caesar:''' Calm down, Rex. You're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Safe?! Black Knight and her robo-troopers just came knocking, and Van crazy says I have a Master-Control Nanite inside me!
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating, isn't it? All this time, it's been hiding undetected inside you. I wonder if this particular control unit is responsible for his unique nano-evolution.
: '''Rex:''' Are any of you even listening to me?
: '''Feakins:''' Boy, I am. It's like a movie but real! I just want to go start pressing buttons. Can I get another milkshake?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How exactly do you plan on getting it out of him?
: '''Black Knight:''' I have a suggestion. Tear it out.
: '''Rylander:''' It would kill him.
: '''Black Knight:''' That's none of my concern.
: '''Caesar:''' The nanite is tied to his DNA. Simply pulling it out of him would ruin the nanite.
: '''Rex:''' And me, too, remember?
: '''Caesar:''' The only way this will work is if we put him in the cyclotron with the other Metas. It should extract automatically during the reassembly.
: '''Black Knight:''' And if it doesn't?
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Good question.
: '''Rex:''' Here's another one-- Don't I get a say in this? Like, isn't this the exact thing that our parents died trying to stop?
: '''Black Knight:''' Take him to the hub and prepare for the transfer. The Consortium is here and extremely impatient. I want this finished within the hour.
: '''Feakins:''' Aah! Hey, what am I-- Sandpaper? Not so rough! ''[sputtering]'' Rough.
: '''Rex:''' Glad someone can see the humor in this.
: '''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, see that Rex is well taken care of.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' ''[to Caesar]'' I hope you know what you're doing, Salazar. This is a huge risk we're taking.
: '''Rylander:''' Listen to Peter. The thing we swore to stop at any cost, the thing that took your parents-- It could happen-- Right here, today!
: '''Caesar:''' It can't, and it won't. You'll have to trust me on this.
: '''Rylander:''' You can only say that so many times, Caesar.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We've been waiting almost an hour. Not even refreshments?
: '''Black Knight:''' You can have your snack after we become Gods.
: '''Roswell:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's right-- &quot;We.&quot; None of this would be possible without my efforts.
: '''Roswell:''' And our money, sister.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, have your contempt. There's plenty of room buried next to the Russian if you'd like to keep him company. That's what I thought. Now, if you'll follow me--
: '''Bobo:''' &quot;Kill the others.&quot; Not gonna happen, lady. We're bulletproof. Ow! Hangnail.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! We know where they took him. Why are we here? We need to go get Rex.
: '''Six:''' I agree. We just don't have the resources, Rebecca. We'd need an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've been known to make the impossible happen, Six. How hard could that be?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Copy that. We just got ourselves an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You see?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' That will be all.
: '''Feakins:''' But the lady said-- Good luck, Kid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' These restraints were made for you. You're very special, you know.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky me.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss... leave us.
: '''Rex:''' I really hate you.
: '''Caesar:'''I know how this looks, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' But what? I just have to trust you? Is that what you were going to say? Just help me-- Please.
: '''Caesar:''' It may not seem like it, but I am.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar... I'm scared.
: '''Caesar:''' So am I, little brother. This will all be over in a few minutes.
: '''Rex:''' It's already over! When I get out of this, I never want to see you again!
: '''Rylander:''' Commencing countdown.
: '''Roswell:''' WHOO-HOO!
: '''Reddick:''' Payback time!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' This won't be entirely unpleasant. It should feel similar to when you offload surplus nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Stop! You can't do this! You can't merge!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Something's wrong.
: '''Rylander:''' Of course something's wrong. The kid is fighting it.
: '''Caesar:''' This could be bad.
: '''Rylander:''' You have to tell him, Caesar!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, you have to stop. Listen to me. The nanites are supposed to do-- Rex? Can you hear me?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Actually, he can't. There's a short in the comm relay.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' This would be a wonderful day for a picnic.
: '''Rex:''' RA-A-A-A-A-A-H!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' So much for that plan.
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, serves you right. All that and you come out of the oven looking like freaks. Nice job!
: '''Black Knight:''' It's not exactly what we were expecting, but it's a start.
: '''Reddick:''' This isn't what we agreed to.
: '''Roswell:''' Where's the rest of our power? This is all messed up!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How can this be possible?
: '''Rylander:''' The Meta-Nanites were dispersed between the five. This is quite a surprise.
: '''Caesar:''' We've got to get Rex out of there. Step aside, Van Kleiss.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' They still don't have what they want... and neither do you.
: '''Black Knight:''' You're angry. I can see that. If you want to take it out on anyone, it should be Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I think I can agree to that.
: '''Roswell:''' Count me in! This might actually be fun!
: '''Rex:''' Let's think about this for a second. Whoa!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' How 'bout that? Exactly one second. Whoa! Aah!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What a perfect way to learn to use our powers-- Tearing this brat apart.
: '''Rex:''' Only one problem with that, sparky. I've been using my powers a whole lot longer-- And I'm pretty good.
: '''Roswell:''' You got any ideas here, missy, or we gonna stand around and get it handed to us?
: '''Black Knight:''' The Meta-Nanites were designed to work together. So will we.
: '''Rex:''' What? Are you gonna join together to make a robo-mutant?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's exactly what we're going to do.
: '''Rex:''' I need to stop giving them ideas. Huh?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' No one the help you-- No family, no friends, nothing. It's a terrible way to go.
: '''White Knight:''' Captain Calan, target the base. All weapons, sire.
: '''Providence Agent:''' Fire control reports they're being jammed, sir.
: '''White Knight:''' Only one salvo. Black Knight must have prepared for this.
: ''[Rex groans softly]''
: '''Rex:''' Big giant robot. Black Knight.
: '''Six:''' We know.
: '''Rex:''' Have to... stay and stop them.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Another time, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' I-I--
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to White Knight. We have Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We're just gonna watch them go?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Let Providence have their weapon back. With our combined power, the world is ours.

===Endgame, Part Two===
:'''Black Knight:''' Science has given us a tremendous gift-- Nanites. We've seen what they can do-- The good and the bad. But they're true potential has been largely unseen. Until now. Our goals are varied. Fame... power... revenge... wealth... order. Yet, one thing unites us-- Greed. You're surprised I admit it? Well, don't be. You'll never get far in life without wanting it all. And for those who might consider standing in our way... We'll let our powers speak for themselves. The world is ours. And no one can stop us.
:''[Roswell laughs]''
:'''Roswell:''' This is more fun than my first rodeo. What else you got?
:'''Six:''' Any change?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's sleeping. The nanites in him are making repairs. That's a good thing. He's a tough kid, Six.
:'''Six:''' I know.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' See you next time. Judging by what you fed us for lunch, I'm guessing twenty minutes. Can't even go to the little scientists' room without them breathing down our necks. How long are we going to put up with this?
:'''Caesar:''' I know it's not easy working under these circumstances.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Do you? I don't hear you complaining, or have you even noticed that we're prisoniers?
:'''Rylander:''' Gentlemen, please. Can we focus on a more important problem? The Consortium's gain of power is a troubling outcome. Something should be done.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're talking about stopping them, I'm listening.
:'''Black Knight:''' I want you all in the boardroom in three minutes.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' The world is being taken over by nanite-fueled ex-c.e.o. Psychos, and they still act like they're running a business.
:'''Roswell:''' You nerds gave us a raw deal. I want a do-over.
:'''Caesar''': A do-over?
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What my colleague means to say is that our powers are remarkable to be sure, but we only have one seventh of what we were promised.
:'''Rylander:''' You're asking a lot.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You're asking the impossible. You'd be lucky to survive the extraction.
:'''Caesar:''' This is true. You may be powerful, but you're not Rex.
:'''Black Knight:''' I share your disappointment, gentlemen. But are you willing to lose everything for this?
:'''Roswell:''' Go big or go home.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, what do you have to say?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Easy-peasy. I can do it. It's only a matter of correctly calibrating the bio-filters with the homing frequency of the nanites. By the way, have you seen my socks?
:'''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss--
:'''Black Knight:''' Has an assignment. The rest of you... Stay out of trouble.
:'''Rex:''' You started without me.
:'''Six:''' Glad to see you up and around. Something bothering you?
:'''Rex:''' Besides black knight taking over the world? I'm trying to find my friends. I know Providence took them.
:'''Six:''' We're working on that.
:'''Rex:''' And are we doing anything about the Consortium? What about... The robot? The one I can build. Don't play dumb, Six.
:'''Six:''' Come with me.
:'''Rex:''' That's me? No way! All this time, I could have been making myself into that thing? Ohh! Maybe not.
:'''Six:''' Evidence suggest that you've never been able to control it. It's a weapon of last defense. This was filmed on the day that I found you. It was also the day I made a promise that it would be the last time you ever built this machine.
:''[Rex scoffs]''
:'''Rex:''' Or what, you'd kill me? You plan on keeping that promise?
:'''Six:''' Rex, you have to know something. We believe this is the type of thing that ends in you losing your memory.
:'''Rex:''' Well, it happened to you, and you turned out just fine.
:'''Six:''' I only lost six years. Six years is all you have. You would lose everything. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but you need to think about the consequences of some of your options.
:'''Noah:''' It feels weird hanging out when the world is under attack. I don't know if I should be fighting back or out in the wilderness setting up a survival compound.
:'''Rex:''' If you had the power to stop all this, but it meant losing everything, would you do it, Noah?
:'''Noah:''' I don't know. I'm just glad I don't have to make that kind of decision. I guess that's why you're the hero.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' I wish I could get some kind of sign. Anything. Hmm.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Red and yellow, red and yellow. One false move can kill a fellow.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' He's got local control. We're locked out. I still don't even know how this is possible.
:'''Rylander:''' I've been looking at the data projections. As crazy as Van Kleiss is, his theory is sound.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Sorry to disturb your sleepy sleep. There might be a slight delay.
:'''Black Knight:''' Why?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' We have a visitor. Should I set out tea?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, in there! Come on out!
:'''Black Knight:''' Back for more? Happy to accommodate.
:'''Rex:''' I should warn you. It's going to get ugly.
:'''Black Knight:''' One would think you would have learned the last time. I can feel you resisting me. Stop.
:'''Roswell:''' Why is it you get to call all the shots?
:'''Black Knight:''' Because I'm the one who has the power to join us. Help me defeat Rex, and you can call all the shots you like.
:'''Rex:''' Hyah!
:''[Rex babbling]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Six:''' It's a weapon of last defense. It's happened.
:'''Noah:''' That's Rex?
:'''White Knight:''' I'm going to assume you're seeing what I'm seeing.
:'''Six:''' White--
:'''White Knight:''' Before you say anything, Six-- Whatever agreement we may have had regarding this situation no longer applies. Am I clear?
:'''Six:''' Understood.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': What was that all about?
:'''Six:''' A second chance.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, we have to do something.
:'''Six:''' I've seen it before. We're too late.
:''[Rex coughing]''
:'''Rex:''' Donde esta mi zapato?
:'''Noah:''' Rex! Hold on!
:'''Rex:''' What? What happened?
:'''Bobo:''' You blew up, kid.
:'''Six:''' Do you know who we are?
:'''Rex:''' I... I do! Oh-ho! I remember! Ow! Ow! I wish I could forget this pain in my... The Consortium!
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' This is utter nonsense. I refuse to be led around like a show dog.
:'''Reddick:''' You can always go back outside and take it up with Providence.
:'''Black Knight:''' Guard the door. Nothing gets by you.
:'''Six:''' They're robots.
:'''Rex:''' Oh! Right! That part I forgot.
:'''Bobo:''' Next time, leave some for the rest of us, huh?
:'''Rylander:''' I'll stay here and guard the equipment.
:''[Rylander laughs]''
:'''Caesar:''' Little brother, they've had this place completely locked down. I've been trying to reach you.
:'''Bobo:''' What he said.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Yeah, you deserved that.
:'''Rex:''' Open it.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' We can't. Still completely locked out of the system. Besides, you can't interrupt once the cycle has started.
:'''Rex:''' Well, then, un-start it!
:'''Black Knight:''' You cleaned up for the occasion. How thoughtful of you.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, this isn't for you. You didn't actually believe that I'd let the five of you have all this power.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I thought you were working for us?
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Rex:''' You see that? I knew it! He's not crazy! Okay... oh! He's crazy, but just his usual crazy.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, I am not amused.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I don't imagine you would be. This was always my intention, even in the very beginning. It's a pity your parents caught me trying to activate the sequence for myself. And, of course, there's the &quot;broken&quot; hatch. The world would be a much better place if they had just left well enough alone.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Black Knight, do something.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, you have made a huge mistake.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, then, let the fun begin.
:''[Black Knight groans]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You can't overload that relay from a subdirectory. You have to get a root. It's impossible from here.
:'''Caesar:''' You're a very negative person, Peter Meechum.
:''[Dr. Meechum groans]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'll try from the main terminal in the lab.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, wait! That's not necessary.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not waiting around, hermano.
:'''Caesar:''' No. That's not what I mean.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I can see it.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Huh? No.
:''[Van Kleiss groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's incredible something so small could have so much [[w:Omnipotence|power]]. That thing could rip apart the very fabric of the universe.
:'''Rex:''' It's still a nanite. I'm gonna talk to it.
:'''Caesar:''' No. It's okay.
:''[The fully complete Meta Nanite comes to Rex, as if it were waiting for him, whose eyes and body glow with a pale blue cosmic aura.]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, listen to me. The Meta-Nanite-- It could never work in anyone but you. Now in its pure state. Mom and dad, we programmed them that way from the very beginning. All of this... It's meant for you.
:'''Six:''' What are you saying?
:'''Caesar:''' Right now, Rex is [[Omnipotence|the most powerful being in the universe]].
:'''Bobo:''' You hear that, Kid? Don't let it get to your head.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, doc. This is pretty trippy. Not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do now.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're a [[God]], Rex. You can do anything you want.
:'''Six:''' You know what to do.
:'''Rex:''' You're right, Six. So are the rest of you. I can do anything I want. Maybe it's time for a revolution. Isn't that what you five wanted? A revolution? Well, welcome to it.
:'''Noah:''' Is he gonna be like this from now on?
:'''Rylander:''' Uh... People. He's inside the nanite reactor.
:'''Dr. Holiday and Caesar:''' Inside?
:'''Rex:''' Okay, little guys. I need you to do something for me.
:'''Black Knight:''' Follow me, quickly.
:'''Reddick:''' I'm through following you. We trusted you everything, and look what we got.
:'''Black Knight:''' We may still be able to retain some of our abilities, but only if you follow me.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Are you seeing this?
:'''Rylander:''' Tehnically, I don't have eyes, but yes.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Reports are coming in. EVO's all over the world are spontaneously curing.
:'''Six:''' Not spontaneous.
:'''Caesar:''' He must have programmed all the nanites in the reactor to initiate a worldwide cure event.
:'''Black Knight:''' What is your next directive?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want anyone using you again. Ever. And that includes me. Deactivate.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I think it's over.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I think you're right.
:'''Caesar:''' I wanted to tell you, brother. So much was at stake.
:'''Rex:''' We're good. And we'll always be brothers.
:'''Diane Ferrah:''' Across the world, not an EVO to be found. After more than six years, it appears we've awoken from the nightmare.
:'''White Knight:''' The EVOs may be gone, but we still have nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Leave it to you to spoil  all the fun, White Knight.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' There are some people here to see you, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd?
:'''Skwydd:''' Eh, I guess I should start going by Walter again.
:''[Rex runs to Circe and the two lovers share a close hug, happy to be together at last]''
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Are you...?
:'''Circe:''' I'm okay. Normal, but okay. I think you may have put yourself out of a job.
:'''Skywdd:''' Yeah. What are you gonna do? Go to school?
:'''Rylander:''' It was nice having the team back together. You know, we should find a new project.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You kidding? I'd rather have root canal with a rake. Worst experience of my life.
:'''Caesar:''' Do you want to hear about some of my new ideas or not?
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'm listening.
:'''Rex:''' Finally.
:'''Six:''' Need anything?
:'''Rex:''' Nope. I'm good. There's always going to be something, isn't there?
:'''Six:''' Yes, there is.

==Characters==
===Main===
*Rex Salazar (Daryl Sabara)
*Six
*White Knight
*Bobo Haha
===Supporting===
*Circe (Tara Sands)
*Tuck (Dante Bosco) 
*Skwydd
*Cricket
*Beverley Holiday 
*Caesar Salazar
*Five
*Tres
*IV

===Villains===
*Van Kleiss
*The Pack
*Gatlocke
*Hunter Cain
*Quarry
*Black Knight
*The Consortium
===Couples===
*Dr. Rebecca Holiday &amp; Six
*Rex &amp; Circe
*Noah Nixon &amp; Claire Bowman
==Elements==
===Rex's Machines &quot;Builds&quot;===
*Big Fat Sword
*Buzz Saw
*Punk Busters
*Boogie Pack
*Cannon
*Smack Hands

===Rex's Other Abilities===
*Technopathy
*Data Manipulation
*Technological Manipulation 
*E.V.O. Curing
*Breach Detection
*Electronic Disruption

===Omega Nanite-Powered Builds===
*Blast Caster
*Funchucks
*Bad Axes
*Block Party
*Sky Slider
*Water Jet

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1636691/ Generator Rex] at [[Internet Movie Database]]
* [http://generatorrexpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Generator_Rex Generator Rex] at Wikia

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  <page>
    <title>Criticism</title>
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      <comment>See also: [[Critique]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="34498" sha1="h1ewghg9adny7s7our9hs4co92q3nam" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Aldous Huxley psychical researcher.png|thumb|Parodies and caricatures are the most penetrating of criticisms. ~ [[Aldous Huxley]]]]
[[File:Mao Tse-Tung, leader of China's Communists, addresses some of his followers. - NARA - 196235.jpg|thumb|All erroneous ideas, all poisonous weeds, all ghosts and monsters, must be subjected to criticism; in no circumstance should they be allowed to spread unchecked. However, the criticism should be fully reasoned, analytical and convincing, and not rough, bureaucratic, metaphysical or dogmatic. ~ [[Mao Zedong]]]]
[[File:KreweNereusInvite1900.jpg|thumb|right|Criticism, whatever may be its pretensions, never does more than to define the impression which is made upon it at a certain moment by a work wherein the writer himself noted the impression of the world which he received at a certain hour. ~ [[James Branch Cabell]] ]]
[[File:Troosevelt.jpeg|thumb|right|It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena… ~ [[Theodore Roosevelt]] ]]
[[File:Karl Marx.png|thumb|If constructing the future and settling everything for all times are not our affair, it is all the more clear what we have to accomplish at present: I am referring to ruthless criticism of all that exists, ruthless both in the sense of not being afraid of the results it arrives at and in the sense of being just as little afraid of conflict with the powers that be. ~ [[Karl Marx]]]]
[[File:Ancient version of the Taijitu by Lai Zhi-De.svg|thumb|Whoever criticizes others must have something to replace them. Criticism without suggestion is like trying to stop flood with flood and put out fire with fire. It will surely be without worth. ~ [[Mozi]]]]
[[File:Thomas W Keene in Othello 3h00058u.jpg|thumb|For I am nothing, if not critical. ~ [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Othello]]'']]
'''{{w|Criticism}}''' is the activity of judgement or informed interpretation. In literary and academic contexts, the term most frequently refers to literary criticism, art criticism, or other such fields, and to scholars' attempts to understand the aesthetic object in depth.
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}
==A==
* I am bound by my own definition of criticism: a disinterested endeavour to learn and propagate the best that is known and thought in the world.
** [[Matthew Arnold]], ''Essays in Criticism, 1st Series, The Function of Criticism at the Present Time.''

* We should never let support blind us, or become a substitute for continuing to be both self-critical, and dedicated to our goals. We should not be dissuaded by our critics, but we should be able to honestly ask ourselves if there is anything to learn from them. Hopefully, the fact that sympathizers and critics are taking notice means that we are actually doing something.
** [[Arik Ascherman]], ''[https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/pursue-justice-whether-you-are-praised-or-vilified/ Pursue Justice Whether You Are Praised, or Vilified]'' (September 6, 2019), ''{{w|The Times of Israel}}''.

* Whatever else he may do, a critic reveals and criticises himself.
** [[Alfred Austin]], ''In Veronica's Garden'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1895), p. 91.

==B==
* Whoever hates correction goes the way of sinners; he who fears the Lord turns to him in his heart. 
** Ben Sirach, ''[[Ecclesiasticus]]'', Chapter 21 : 6

* CRITIC, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.
** [[Ambrose Bierce]], ''The Cynic's Dictionary'' (1906); republished as ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911).

* Great art is a religious function...great criticism is, therefore—since it is necessary for great art—a religious function. Even when you're saying something negative, it might be in the service of the Lord
** {{w|Wayne C. Booth}}, &quot;Art and the Church,&quot; ''Literature and Belief'', 1981

* In all of history, we have found just one cure for error—a partial antidote against making and repeating grand, foolish mistakes, a remedy against self-deception. That antidote is criticism.
** [[David Brin]], ''[[w:The Transparent Society|The Transparent Society]]'', Ch. 1 (1998).

* He was in Logic, a great critic,&lt;br&gt;Profoundly skill'd in Analytic;&lt;br&gt;He could distinguish, and divide&lt;br&gt;A hair 'twixt south and south-west side.
** [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Samuel Butler]], ''Hudibras'', Part I (1663-64), Canto I, line 65.

* I am not a critic; to me criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure.
** [[Djuna Barnes]], in &quot;The Songs of Synge : The Man Who Shaped His Life as He Shaped His Plays&quot;, in ''New York Morning Telegraph'' (18 February 1917).

==C==
* Criticism, whatever may be its pretensions, never does more than to define the impression which is made upon it at a certain moment by a work wherein the writer himself noted the impression of the world which he received at a certain hour.
** [[James Branch Cabell]], in ''The Certain Hour'' (1916).

* I love criticism as long as it is unqualified praise.
** [[Noël Coward]], in Margaret McManus, &quot;Noël Coward a 'Blithe Spirit' — in Sunny Jamaica&quot;, ''[[w:The Des Moines Register|The Des Moines Register]]'' (January 8, 1956), Section: Iowa TV Magazine, p. 5.

==E==
* Those who are esteemed umpires of taste are often persons who have acquired some knowledge of admired pictures or sculptures, and have an inclination for whatever is elegant; but if you inquire whether they are beautiful souls, and whether their own acts are like fair pictures, you learn that they are selfish and sensual.
** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], “The Poet,” ''Essays, Second Series'' (1883), p. 9

==F==
* '''Whenever you feel like criticizing any one... just remember that all the people in this [[world]] haven't had the [[advantages]] that you've had.'''
** [[F. Scott Fitzgerald]], ''[[The Great Gatsby]]'', (1925), ch. 1, p. 1. 

==G==
* '''To [[study]] [[Buddhism]] and then use it as a [[weapon]] in order to [[criticize]] others' [[theories]] or [[ideologies]] is [[wrong]]. The very [[purpose]] of [[religion]] is to control [[yourself]], not to criticize others.''' Rather, we must criticize ourselves. How much am I doing about my anger? About my attachment, about my hatred, about my pride, my jealousy? These are the things which we must check in daily life with the knowledge of the Buddhist teachings. 
** [[Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama]], in &quot;A Talk to Western Buddhists&quot;, in ''The Dalai Lama, A Policy of Kindness: An Anthology by and about the Dalai Lama'' (1990) edited by Sidney Piburn, p. 87

==H==
* '''Parodies and caricatures are the most penetrating of criticisms.'''
** [[Aldous Huxley]], ''Point Counter Point, Chapter 28''.

==J==

* Critics should never socialize with artists; it’s difficult enough to like their work in the first place.
** [[w:Alexander Jablokov|Alexander Jablokov]], ''At the Cross-Time Jaunters’ Ball'' (1987), reprinted in [[w:Gardner Dozois|Gardner Dozois]] (ed.), ''[[w:The Year's Best Science Fiction: Fifth Annual Collection|The Year's Best Science Fiction: Fifth Annual Collection]]'', p. 101

* “Ah, ‘The Suffering Critic.’ A work to gladden the heart of any artist.”
** [[w:Alexander Jablokov|Alexander Jablokov]], ''At the Cross-Time Jaunters’ Ball'' (1987), reprinted in [[w:Gardner Dozois|Gardner Dozois]] (ed.), ''[[w:The Year's Best Science Fiction: Fifth Annual Collection|The Year's Best Science Fiction: Fifth Annual Collection]]'', p. 106

* We must grant the artist his subject, his idea, his ''donné'': our criticism is applied only to what he makes of it.
** [[Henry James]], ''The Art of Fiction, 'Partial Portraits.'

* 'Tis not the wholesome sharp morality,&lt;br&gt;Or modest anger of a satiric spirit,&lt;br&gt;That hurts or wounds the body of a state,&lt;br&gt;But the sinister application&lt;br&gt;Of the malicious, ignorant, and base&lt;br&gt;Interpreter; who will distort and strain&lt;br&gt;The general scope and purpose of an author&lt;br&gt;To his particular and private spleen.
** [[Ben Jonson]], ''The Poetaster'' (1601), Act V, scene 1.

==L==
* One would think that an unsuccessful volume was like a degree in the school of reviewing. One unread work makes the judge [[bitter]] enough ; but a second failure, and he is quite desperate in his damnation. I do believe one half of the injustice — the severity of 'the ungentle craft' originates in its own want of success ; they cannot forgive the popularity which has passed them over.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], ''[[Romance and Reality]]'' (1831), Vol I Chapter 14

* Critics are sentinels in the grand army of letters, stationed at the corners of newspapers and reviews, to challenge every new author.
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Kavanagh: A Tale'' (1849), Chapter XIII.

* Many critics are like woodpeckers, who, instead of enjoying the fruit and shadow of a tree, hop incessantly around the trunk, pecking holes in the bark to discover some little worm or other.
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Final Memorials of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow'' (1887), Chapter XIX.

==M==
*  The modern proliferation of theoretical means and critical methods barely conceals the fact that we still allow ourselves to write about these works only within the narrowest disciplinary boundaries. We move from rigorous scholarship (the phrase is already too obvious) to ideological commitments that often seem, even when they are put forward in the name of History, to have forgotten the perils of devotion to an idea; to some straitened notion of pleasure; to the fantasy that some new science of rhetorical displacements will finally release us from the cold regime of the final signified. We have plenty of psychoanalytic criticism, formalist criticism, ideological criticism, etc., but where is our fear criticism? our despair criticism? our disgust criticism? our criticism of resentment? of petty ambition? of treachery, deceit, jealousy, hysterical rage? Nowhere in sight; and yet it would hardly require much effort to discover them all just beneath the thin civility of the strictest critical decorum. Then what if we were able to pursue critical fear, to identify critics with their fear, to prove that service to the text is driven by jealous desires, horrified resentment, abject loathing.
** Paul Mann, &quot;Masocriticism,&quot; ''SubStance'', Vol. 23, No. 3, Issue 75 (1994), pp. 3-29 

* ''Indessen ist das gerade wieder der Vorzug der neuen Richtung, daß wir nicht dogmatisch die Welt antizipieren, sondern erst aus der Kritik der alten Welt die neue finden wollen. ... Ist die Konstruktion der Zukunft und das Fertigwerden für alle Zeiten nicht unsere Sache, so ist desto gewisser, was wir gegenwärtig zu vollbringen haben, ich meine die rücksichtslose Kritik alles Bestehenden, rücksichtslos sowohl in dem Sinne, daß die Kritik sich nicht vor ihren Resultaten fürchtet und ebensowenig vor dem Konflikte mit den vorhandenen Mächten.''
** We do not dogmatically anticipate the world, but only want to find the new world through criticism of the old one. ... If constructing the future and settling everything for all times are not our affair, it is all the more clear what we have to accomplish at present: I am referring to ruthless criticism of all that exists, ruthless both in the sense of not being afraid of the results it arrives at and in the sense of being just as little afraid of conflict with the powers that be.
*** [[Karl Marx]], Letter to [[w:Arnold Ruge|Arnold Ruge]], September 1843

* Criticism has plucked the imaginary flowers on the chain not in order that man shall continue to bear that chain without fantasy or consolation, but so that he shall throw off the chain and pluck the living flower.
** [[Karl Marx]], “A Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right” (1843)

* The weapon of criticism cannot, of course, replace criticism by weapons.
** [[Karl Marx]], ''Complete Works'', vol. 3, p. 182

*'''Eminem''': I tried to show you [[art]], but you just pick it apart.
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ukAb08vTzY &quot;Don't Push Me&quot;], written by [[w:Lloyd Banks|Christopher Charles Lloyd]], [[Eminem|Marshall B. Mathers III]], [[50 Cent|Curtis James Jackson]], and Luis Edgardo Resto, ''Get Rich or Die Tryin&amp;zwj;'&amp;zwj;'' (6 February 2003), New York City: [[w:Shady Records|Shady Records]]

* '''People ask you for criticism, but they only want praise.'''
** [[W. Somerset Maugham]], ''Of Human Bondage'', Chapter 50.

*It is not necessary to judge and ridicule when, thank God, you have not passed the path that I have. To them, as always, I wish everyone good and every honor...
**[[Darko Miličić]], As quoted in [https://971theticket.radio.com/articles/news/darko-responds-to-carmelo-not-necessary-to-ridicule &quot;Darko Responds To Carmelo About '03 Draft: 'Not Necessary To Ridicule'&quot;] (31 March 2020), ''97.1 The Ticket''

* '''Whoever criticizes others must have something to replace them. Criticism without suggestion is like trying to stop flood with flood and put out fire with fire. It will surely be without worth.'''
** [[Mozi]] Book 4; Universal Love III

==P==
* Ten censure wrong for one who writes amiss.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''[[An Essay on Criticism]]'' (1709), Part I, line 6.

* The generous Critic fann'd the Poet's fire,&lt;br&gt;And taught the world with reason to admire.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''[[An Essay on Criticism]]'' (1709), Part I, line 100.

* When Ajax strives some rock's vast weight to throw,&lt;br /&gt;The line too labours, and the words move slow.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''[[An Essay on Criticism]]'' (1709), Part II, line 170.

* A perfect Judge will read each work of Wit&lt;br&gt;With the same spirit that its author writ:&lt;br&gt;Survey the Whole, nor seek slight faults to find&lt;br&gt;Where nature moves, and rapture warms the mind.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''[[An Essay on Criticism]]'' (1709), Part II, line 235.

* In every work regard the writer's End,&lt;br&gt;Since none can compass more than they intend;&lt;br&gt;And if the means be just, the conduct true,&lt;br&gt;Applause, in spite of trivial faults, is due.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''[[An Essay on Criticism]]'' (1709), Part II, line 255.

* Be not the first by whom the new are tried,&lt;br&gt;Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''[[An Essay on Criticism]]'' (1709), Part II, line 336.

* Ah, ne'er so dire a thirst of glory boast,&lt;br&gt;Nor in the Critic let the Man be lost.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''[[An Essay on Criticism]]'' (1709), Part II, line 522.

==R==
* If constructive criticism causes uncomfortable reactions from politicians and business people, they need to look at themselves.
** {{w|Stephen S. Roach}}, as quoted in [https://www.rfa.org/english/news/china/china-roach-hk-04022024021306.html &quot;China bans ‘former good friend’ from talking about Hong Kong&quot;] by Kwong Wing, ''Radio Free Asia'' (April 2, 2024)

* '''It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena'''; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.
** [[Theodore Roosevelt]], &quot;[[s:Citizenship in a Republic|Citizenship in a Republic]]&quot;, a speech in Paris, France (23 April 1910)

==S==
* '''Never judge a critic by your agreement with his likes and dislikes.'''
** [[George Saintsbury]], ''A History of Criticism and Literary Taste in Europe from the Earliest Texts to the Present Day'', Vol. 3, p. 644.

* Criticism is not religion, and by no process can it be substituted for it. It is not the critic's eye but the child's heart that most truly discerns the countenance that looks out from the pages of the Gospel.
** [[John  Campbell Shairp]], ''Culture and Religion'' (Edinburgh: Edmonston and Douglas, 1870), Lecture V: &quot;Religion Combining Culture with Itself&quot;, p. 105.

* In such a time as this it is not meet&lt;br&gt;That every nice offence should bear his comment.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Julius Caesar (play)|Julius Cæsar]]'' (1599), Act IV, scene 3, line 7.

* Better a little chiding than a great deal of heartbreak.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[The Merry Wives of Windsor]]'' (c. 1597; published 1602), Act V, scene 3, line 10.

* For 'tis a physic&lt;br&gt;That's bitter to sweet end.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Measure for Measure]]'' (1603), Act IV, scene 6, line 7.

* For I am nothing, if not critical.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Othello]]'' (c. 1603), Act II, scene 1, line 120.

* One who rejects a rebuke goes astray.
** [[Solomon]], Proverbs 10:17

* Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but those who hate to be rebuked are stupid.
** [[Solomon]], Proverbs 12:1

* Let dull critics feed upon the carcases of plays; give me the taste and the dressing.
** [[Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield]], letter to Philip Stanhope, his natural son (February 6, 1752); in ''The Letters of Philip Dormer Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield'' (1932), vol. 5, p. 1826.

* Unbridled criticism affects your life. Forever. It becomes a part of the pattern that designs the fabric of your suffering. The torturer and the tortured, married in painful redefinition, marking indelibly the way you live and die, the way you perform your art.
** [[Donald Sutherland]], &quot;The Wretched Jibes That Sear my Soul,&quot; ''The Times'' (London, June 22, 2000)

==T==
* In the proudest nations of the Old World works were published which faithfully portrayed the vices and absurdities of contemporaries; La Bruyère lived in Louis XIV’s palace while he wrote his chapter on the great, and Molière criticized the court in plays acted before the courtiers. But the power which dominates in the United States does not understand being mocked like that. The least reproach offends it, and the slightest sting of truth turns it fierce; and one must praise everything, from the turn of its phrases to its most robust virtues. No writer, no matter how famous, can escape from this obligation to sprinkle incense over his fellow citizens. Hence the majority lives in a state of perpetual self-adoration; only strangers or experience may be able to bring certain truths to the Americans’ attention.
** [[Alexis de Tocqueville]], ''Democracy in America'' (oiginally published in 1835–1840, edition of 1969, translated by George Lawrence), J. P. Mayer, ed., volume 1, part 2, chapter 7, p. 256.

==W==
* How is he made? Oftentimes bitter, sometimes sweet, seldom even wide-awake, architectural criticism of &quot;the modern&quot; wholly lacks inspiration or any qualification because it lacks the appreciation that is love: the flame essential to profound understanding. Only as criticism is the fruit of such experience will it ever be able to truly appraise anything. Else the spirit of true criticism is lacking. '''The spirit is love and love alone can understand.''' So art criticism is sour and superficial today because it would seem to know all about everything but understand nothing.
** [[Frank Lloyd Wright]], ''A Testament'' (1957), p 159

*The sharper and more far-reaching our criticism, the more good it will do.
**Chaim Weizmann. Quoted by [https://wiki.projectherzl.com/wiki/Quotes_by_Chaim_Weizmann Project Herzl].

*If we who take part in the Congresses criticise them impartially, we do so solely to prevent the repetition of mistakes.
**Chaim Weizmann. Quoted by [https://wiki.projectherzl.com/wiki/Zionist_quotes_on_Arabs Project Herzl].
==Y==
* You only silence critics when you have something to hide.
** [[Huma Yusuf]], ''[https://www.dawn.com/news/1554406/missing-rights Missing rights]'' (04 May, 2020), ''[[Dawn (newspaper)|Dawn]]''

==Z==
*  In the [[ideological]] field, the question of who will win in the struggle between the proletariat and the bourgeoisie has not been really settled yet. We still have to wage a protracted struggle against bourgeois and petty bourgeois ideology. It is wrong not to understand this and to give up ideological struggle. '''All erroneous ideas, all poisonous weeds, all ghosts and monsters, must be subjected to criticism; in no circumstance should they be allowed to spread unchecked. However, the criticism should be fully reasoned, analytical and convincing, and not rough, bureaucratic, metaphysical or dogmatic.'''
** [[Mao Zedong]], Speech at the Chinese Communist Party’s National Conference on Propaganda Work (March 12, 1957), in ''[[w:Quotations from Chairman Mao Tse-tung|The Little Red Book]]'', 1st pocket edition, pp. 26-27

==Film==
* In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. The world is often unkind to new talent, new creations, the new needs friends... Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere.
** Anton Ego (voiced by [[w:Peter O'Toole|Peter O'Toole]]) in ''[[Ratatouille]]'' (2007), written by [[Brad Bird]]

* It is the critic's duty, I believe, to deliver honest opinions to posterity on the immediate experience of viewing movies, hoping that successors will respect their honest opinions and find them useful, rather than sneer at their insensitivity.
** Philip French ''[http://film.guardian.co.uk/oscars2006/story/0,,1723593,00.html The Observer]'', March 5 2006.

* ...there is no longer any serious antagonism between critics, film distributors and moviemakers... we are now... welcomed respectfully by publicists, our notices, as they used to be called, filleted for favourable comments, but generally disregarded. In these placid days one looks back nostalgically to the anger an unfavourable review could elicit.
** Philip French, ''[http://film.guardian.co.uk/features/featurepages/0,,1734082,00.html The Observer]'' March 19 2006.

==Comics==
* There were a lot of working professionals who were just sort of appalled at our attitude and probably at our punkish disrespect for mainstream, predominantly superhero, comics in general. They didn't think it was legitimate to criticize comics in that sort of high-toned way. Mainstream creators took a certain degree of pride in their work, but it was pride in them from the perspective of hard-core fans, and they weren't really imposing standards on them, other than craft standards, which had devolved from the history of comics—and the history of comics is mostly just a history of crap. So when we came in and applied these &quot;exalted&quot; standards to comics, creators were, frankly, pissed off.
** Gary Groth [http://bookforum.com/bookies.html BookForum] Summer 2006.

* The trick to writing comics criticism meant for an audience beyond the cult, I think—and, really, if the criticism is good enough and is in any kind of a general-interest venue, the audience will come—is subtle exposition: I try to write for a general audience, and give them everything they need to know, without making it look like I'm explaining something esoteric. In a lot of ways, the long comics reviews I write are just book reviews; I figure out a hook or some kind of engaging way of addressing the subject, I assess the thing in question, and I don't make a big deal out of the fact that it's a comic, any more than Kael would hem and haw over the fact that what she was reviewing was a motion picture.
** Douglas Wolk ''[http://graphiclanguage.blogspot.com/ Graphic Language]'' May 17 2006.

* ...using the language of film suggests that comics are somehow subordinate to film as a discipline: a movie that doesn't move.
** Douglas Wolk ''[http://graphiclanguage.blogspot.com/ Graphic Language]'' May 17 2006.

==Art==
* The most useful criticism in any art [form] is new work done with the same tools [as previous art].
** [[w:John Szarkowski|John Szarkowski]] ''Art In America'' 94.5, (May 2005).

==''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''==
:&lt;small&gt;Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 149-52.&lt;/small&gt;

* When I read rules of criticism, I immediately inquire after the works of the author who has written them, and by that means discover what it is he likes in a composition.
** [[Joseph Addison]], ''Guardian'', No. 115.

* A man must serve his time to every trade&lt;br&gt;Save censure—critics all are ready made.&lt;br&gt;Take hackney'd jokes from Miller, got by rote,&lt;br&gt;With just enough of learning to misquote;&lt;br&gt;A mind well skill'd to find or forge a fault;&lt;br&gt;A turn for punning, call it Attic salt;&lt;br&gt;To Jeffrey go, be silent and discreet,&lt;br&gt;His pay is just ten sterling pounds per sheet;&lt;br&gt;Fear not to lie, 'twill seem a lucky hit;&lt;br&gt;Shrink not from blasphemy, 'twill pass for wit;&lt;br&gt;Care not for feeling—pass your proper jest,&lt;br&gt;And stand a critic, hated yet caress'd.
** [[Lord Byron]], ''English Bards and Scotch Reviewers'', line 63.

* As soon&lt;br&gt;Seek roses in December—ice in June,&lt;br&gt;Hope, constancy in wind, or corn in chaff;&lt;br&gt;Believe a woman or an epitaph,&lt;br&gt;Or any other thing that's false, before&lt;br&gt;You trust in critics.
** [[Lord Byron]], ''English Bards and Scotch Reviewers'', line 75.

* ''Dijó la sarten á la caldera, quitate allá ojinegra.''
** Said the pot to the kettle, &quot;Get away, blackface.&quot;''
** [[Miguel de Cervantes]], ''Don Quixote'' (1605-15), II. 67.

* Who shall dispute what the Reviewers say?&lt;br&gt;Their word's sufficient; and to ask a reason,&lt;br&gt;In such a state as theirs, is downright treason.
** [[Charles Churchill]], ''Apology'', line 94.

* Though by whim, envy, or resentment led,&lt;br&gt;They damn those authors whom they never read.
** [[Charles Churchill]], ''The Candidate'', line 57.

* A servile race&lt;br&gt;Who, in mere want of fault, all merit place;&lt;br&gt;Who blind obedience pay to ancient schools,&lt;br&gt;Bigots to Greece, and slaves to musty rules.
** [[Charles Churchill]], ''The Rosciad'' (1761), line 183.

* But spite of all the criticizing elves,&lt;br&gt;Those who would make us feel—must feel themselves.
** [[Charles Churchill]], ''The Rosciad'' (1761), line 961.

* Reviewers are usually people who would have been poets, historians, biographers, etc., if they could: they have tried their talents at one or the other, and have failed; therefore they turn critics.
** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''Lectures on Shakespeare and Milton'', p. 36.

* Too nicely Jonson knew the critic's part,&lt;br&gt;Nature in him was almost lost in art.
** [[Collins]], ''Epistle to Sir Thomas Hanmer on his Edition of Shakespeare''.

* There are some Critics so with Spleen diseased,&lt;br&gt;They scarcely come inclining to be pleased:&lt;br&gt;And sure he must have more than mortal Skill,&lt;br&gt;Who pleases one against his Will.
** [[William Congreve]], ''The Way of the World'', Epilogue.

* ''La critique est aisée, et l'art est difficile.''
** Criticism is easy, and art is difficult.
** [[Philippe Néricault Destouches]], ''Glorieux'', II, 5.

* The press, the pulpit, and the stage,&lt;br&gt;Conspire to censure and expose our age.
** [[Wentworth Dillon]], ''Essay on Translated Verse'', line 7.

* You know who critics are?—the men who have failed in literature and art.
** [[Benjamin Disraeli]], ''Lothair'', Chapter XXXV.

* It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.
** [[Benjamin Disraeli]], speech in the House of Commons (Jan 24, 1860).

* The most noble criticism is that in which the critic is not the antagonist so much as the rival of the author.
** [[Isaac D'Israeli]], ''Curiosities of Literature'', ''Literary Journals''.

* Those who do not read criticism will rarely merit to be criticised.
** [[Isaac D'Israeli]], ''Literary Character of Men of Genius'', Chapter VI.

* Ill writers are usually the sharpest censors.
** [[John Dryden]], ''Dedication of translations from Ovid''.

* They who write ill, and they who ne'er durst write,&lt;br&gt;Turn critics out of mere revenge and spite.
** [[John Dryden]], ''Prologue to Conquest of Granada''.

* All who (like him) have writ ill plays before,&lt;br&gt;For they, like thieves, condemned, are hangmen made,&lt;br&gt;To execute the members of their trade.
** [[John Dryden]], ''Prologue to Rival Queens''.

* &quot;I'm an owl: you're another. Sir Critic, good day.&quot; And the barber kept on shaving.
** [[James T. Fields]], ''The Owl-Critic''.

* Blame where you must, be candid where you can,&lt;br&gt;And be each critic the Good-natured Man.
** [[Oliver Goldsmith]], ''The Good-Natured Man'', Epilogue.

* Reviewers are forever telling authors they can't understand them. The author might often reply: Is that my fault?
** J. C. and A. W. Hare, ''Guesses at Truth''.

* The readers and the hearers like my books,&lt;br&gt;And yet some writers cannot them digest;&lt;br&gt;But what care I? for when I make a feast,&lt;br&gt;I would my guests should praise it, not the cooks.
** Sir [[John Harrington]], ''Against Writers that Carp at other Men's Books''.

* When Poets' plots in plays are damn'd for spite,&lt;br&gt;They critics turn and damn the rest that write.
** John Haynes—Prologue. in ''Oxford and Cambridge Miscellany Poems''. Ed. by Elijah Fenton.

* Unmoved though Witlings sneer and Rivals rail;&lt;br&gt;Studious to please, yet not ashamed to fail.
** [[Samuel Johnson]], Prologue to ''Tragedy of Irene''.

* Lynx envers nos pareils, et taupes envers nous.
** Lynx-eyed toward our equals, and moles to ourselves.
** [[Jean de La Fontaine]], ''Fables'', I. 7.

* A wise scepticism is the first attribute of a good critic.
** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''Among My Books'', ''Shakespeare Once More''.

* Nature fits all her children with something to do,&lt;br&gt;He who would write and can't write, can surely review;&lt;br&gt;Can set up a small booth as critic and sell us his&lt;br&gt;Petty conceit and his pettier jealousies.
** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''Fable for Critics''.

* In truth it may be laid down as an almost universal rule that good poets are bad critics.
** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1st Baron Macaulay]], ''Criticisms on the Principal Italian Writers'', ''Dante''.

* The opinion of the great body of the reading public is very materially influenced even by the unsupported assertions of those who assume a right to criticise.
** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1st Baron Macaulay]], ''Mr. Robert Montgomery's Poems''.

* To check young Genius' proud career,&lt;br&gt;  The slaves who now his throne invaded,&lt;br&gt;Made Criticism his prime Vizier,&lt;br&gt;  And from that hour his glories faded.
** [[Thomas Moore]], ''Genius and Criticism'', Stanza 4.

* And you, my Critics! in the chequer'd shade,&lt;br&gt;Admire new light thro' holes yourselves have made.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Dunciad'', Book IV, line 125.

* I lose my patience, and I own it too,&lt;br&gt;When works are censur'd, not as bad but new:&lt;br&gt;While if our Elders break all reason's laws,&lt;br&gt;These fools demand not pardon but Applause.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Second Book of Horace'', Epistle I, line 115.

* For some in ancient books delight,&lt;br&gt;Others prefer what moderns write;&lt;br&gt;Now I should be extremely loth&lt;br&gt;Not to be thought expert in both.
** [[Matthew Prior]], ''Alma''.

* Die Kritik nimmt oft dem Baume&lt;br&gt;Raupen und Blüthen mit einander.
** Criticism often takes from the tree&lt;br&gt;  Caterpillars and blossoms together.
** [[Jean Paul Richter]], ''Titan'', Zykel 105.

* When in the full perfection of decay,&lt;br&gt;Turn vinegar, and come again in play.
** [[Sackville (Earl of Dorset)]], address to Ned Howard. Quoted in Dryden's Dedication to translation of Ovid.

* Reviewers, with some rare exceptions, are a most stupid and malignant race. As a bankrupt thief turns thief-taker in despair, so an unsuccessful author turns critic.
** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''Fragments of Adonais''.

* A poet that fails in writing becomes often a morose critic; the weak and insipid white wine makes at length excellent vinegar.
** [[William Shenstone]], ''On Writing and Books''.

* Of all the cants which are canted in this canting world—though the cant of hypocrites may be the worst—the cant of criticism is the most tormenting.
** [[Laurence Sterne]],'' Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy'', (Orig. ed.), Volume III, Chapter XII. &quot;The cant of criticism.&quot; Borrowed from Sir Joshua Reynolds, Idler, Sept. 29, 1759.

* For, poems read without a name,&lt;br&gt;We justly praise, or justly blame;&lt;br&gt;And critics have no partial views,&lt;br&gt;Except they know whom they abuse.&lt;br&gt;And since you ne'er provoke their spite,&lt;br&gt;Depend upon't their judgment's right.
** [[Jonathan Swift]], ''On Poetry'', line 129.

* For since he would sit on a Prophet's seat,&lt;br&gt;  As a lord of the Human soul,&lt;br&gt;We needs must scan him from head to feet,&lt;br&gt;  Were it but for a wart or a mole.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''The Dead Prophet'', Stanza XIV.

* Critics are like brushers of noblemen's clothes.
** Attributed to Sir [[Henry Wotton]] by [[Francis Bacon]], ''Apothegms'', No. 64.

==''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895)==
&lt;small&gt;Quotes reported in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert, ''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895), p. 168.&lt;/small&gt;

* Why will you be always sallying out to break lances with other people's wind-mills, when your own is not capable of grinding corn for the horse you ride?
** [[Josiah Gilbert Holland]].

* Grant me patience, just Heaven! Of all the cants which are canted in this canting world — though the cant of hypocrites may be the worst — the cant of criticism is the most tormenting.
** [[Laurence Sterne]].

* An over-readiness to criticise or to depreciate a minister of Christ is proof of a lack of devotion to Christ.
** [[Henry Clay Trumbull]].

== See also ==
* [[Critical theory]]
* [[Critique]]

==External links==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}
* {{Wiktionary-inline}}

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      <text bytes="14698" sha1="l4rlv73m9vag2vj5jidoaheqytljz21" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord.PNG|thumb|right| It is the beginning of the end.]]
'''[[w:Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord|Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord]]''' ([[2 February]] [[1754]] – [[17 May]] [[1838]]), '''1st Prince of Benevento''', then '''Prince of Talleyrand''', was a French clergyman and leading diplomat. After studying theology, he became [[w:Agent-General of the Clergy|Agent-General of the Clergy]] in 1780. In 1789, just before the [[French Revolution]], he became  [[w:Bishop of Autun|Bishop of Autun]].  He worked at the highest levels of successive French governments, most commonly as foreign minister or in some other diplomatic capacity. His career spanned the regimes of [[w:Louis XVI of France|Louis XVI]], the years of the French Revolution, [[Napoleon]], [[w:Louis XVIII of France|Louis XVIII]], and [[Louis Philippe I|Louis-Philippe]]. Those Talleyrand served often distrusted him but, like Napoleon, found him extremely useful. The name &quot;Talleyrand&quot; has become a byword for crafty, cynical diplomacy.

Talleyrand polarizes scholarly opinion. Some regard him as one of the most versatile, skilled and influential diplomats in European history, and some believe that he was a traitor, betraying in turn the [[Kingdom of France|Ancien Régime]], the [[French Revolution]], Napoleon, and the [[w:Bourbon Restoration in France|Restoration]].

== Quotes ==

* ''Celui qui n'a pas vécu au dix-huitième siècle avant la Révolution ne connaît pas la douceur de vivre et ne peut imaginer ce qu'il peut y avoir de bonheur dans la vie. C'est le siècle qui a forgé toutes les armes victorieuses contre cet insaisissable adversaire qu'on appelle l'ennui. L'Amour, la Poésie, la Musique, le Théâtre, la Peinture, l'Architecture, la Cour, les Salons, les Parcs et les Jardins, la Gastronomie, les Lettres, les Arts, les Sciences, tout concourait à la satisfaction des appétits physiques, intellectuels et même moraux, au raffinement de toutes les voluptés, de toutes les élégances et de tous les plaisirs. L'existence était si bien remplie qui si le dix-septième siècle a été le Grand Siècle des gloires, le dix-huitième a été celui des indigestions.''
** Whoever did not live in the eighteenth century before the Revolution does not know the sweetness of life and cannot imagine what happiness there can be in life. It is the century that forged all victorious weapons against this elusive adversary called [[boredom]]. Love, Poetry, Music, Theater, Painting, Architecture, [[w:French_court |the Court]], [[w:Salon (gathering)|Salons]], Parks and Gardens, Gastronomy, Letters, Arts, Sciences, all contributed to the satisfaction of physical, intellectual and even moral appetites, to the refinement of all voluptuousness, all elegance and all pleasures. The existence was so full that if the seventeenth century was the Great Century of glories, the eighteenth was that of indigestion.
** [https://www.gutenberg.org/files/20564/20564-h/20564-h.htm ''Mémoires du Prince de Talleyrand: La Confession de Talleyrand''] (Paris: L. Sauvaitre, 1891), &quot;La jeunesse – Le cercle de Madame du Barry&quot; &lt;!-- Which translation? --&gt;

* ''Ce n'est pas un événement, c'est une nouvelle.''
** It is not an event, it is a piece of news.
** On hearing of [[Napoleon]]'s death; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia of Practical Quotations'' (1922)

* ''Je connais quelqu'un qui a plus d'esprit que Napoléon, que Voltaire, que tous les ministres présents et futurs: c'est l'opinion.''
** I know where there is more wisdom than is found in Napoleon, [[Voltaire]], or all the ministers present and to come – in public opinion.
** In the Chamber of Peers (1821); reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 570

* ''Vous ne jouez donc pas le whist, monsieur? Hélas! quelle triste vieilesse vous vous préparez!''
** You do not play then at whist, sir! Alas, what a sad old age you are preparing for yourself!
** Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 90

* ''C'est le commencement de la fin.''
** It is the beginning of the end.
** Ascribed to Talleyrand in ''[[w:The Hundred Days|The Hundred Days]]'' (1815); reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 66. Also attributed to General Augereau

* ''Qui n'a pas vécu dans les années voisines de 1789 ne sait pas ce que c'est le plaisir de vivre.''
** Whoever did not live in the years neighboring 1789 does not know what the pleasure of living means.
** Reported in [[François Guizot]], ''Memoirs pour Servir a l'histoire de nous Temps'', vol. I, p. 6

== Attributed ==

* To succeed in the world, it is much more necessary to possess the penetration to discern who is a fool than to discover who is a clever man.
** Reported in, C. N. Douglas, ed., ''Forty Thousand Quotations: Prose and Poetical'' (1917)

* The tricolour flag, symbol of revolution, was raised on the cathedral's towers and the bells rang to the frantic acclamation of the crowd. &quot;Listen to the tocsin! We are triumphing&quot; remarked the Prince de Talleyrand gleefully: &quot;Who are we?&quot; he was asked: &quot;Quiet! Not a word. I will tell you tomorrow&quot; was the reply.
** Reported in H. A. C. Collingham, ‎R. S. Alexander, ''The July Monarchy: A Political History of France, 1830-1848'' (1988), [https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=JuBnAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=talleyrand+%22Quiet!+Not+a+word.+I+will+tell+you+tomorrow%22&amp;dq=talleyrand+%22Quiet!+Not+a+word.+I+will+tell+you+tomorrow%22&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0ahUKEwjih9_t2tnoAhXinVwKHbB9AUAQ6AEIKDAA p. 9]

* There is no sentiment less [[Aristocracy|aristocratic]] than that of nonbelief.
** Reported in J. F. Bernard, ''Talleyrand: A Biography'' (1973), p. 605

* Financiers flourish only when nations decline.
** Reported in J. F. Bernard, ''Talleyrand: A Biography'' (1973), p. 592

* Accessibility on the part of rulers ends by inspiring love rather than respect, and love evaporates at first sign of trouble.
** Reported in J. F. Bernard, ''Talleyrand: A Biography'' (1973), p. 592

* A diplomat who says &quot;yes&quot; means &quot;maybe&quot;, a diplomat who says &quot;maybe&quot; means &quot;no&quot;, and a diplomat who says &quot;no&quot; is no diplomat.
** Attributed to Talleyrand{{cn}}

* To betray at the right time means to foresee.
** Attributed to Talleyrand; Яков Николаевич Нерсесов, [https://books.google.com/books?id=NDP1EAAAQBAJ «Свет и Тени» Шарля Мориса де Талейрана – то ли, Главного Большого Подонка от Большой Политики, то ли, все же... Деловые качества «колченогого дьявола/шулера в сутане»] (26 April 2023), ISBN 9785045446662, &quot;Вовремя предать - значит предвидеть&quot;

{{Misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==

* ''Noir comme le diable, chaud comme l'enfer, pur comme un ange, doux comme l'amour.''
** Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love (of coffee).
** Frequently misattributed to Talleyrand; but no primary source exists, it's not his style of speech, and he famously drank tea, not coffee.{{cn}}

* ''C'est pire qu'un crime, c'est une faute.''
** It is worse than a crime, it is a mistake.
** Reaction to the 1804 drumhead trial and execution of Louis Antoine de Bourbon, Duke of Enghien, on orders of Napoleon. Actually said by either Antoine Boulay de la Meurthe, legislative deputy from Meurthe — according to the ''Oxford Dictionary of Quotations'' — or Joseph Fouché, Napoleon's chief of police — according to ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919)

* They have learned nothing, and forgotten nothing (and variations).
** Recognized since the 19th century as a adoption, possibly used by Talleyrand, from a 1796 letter to [[w:Jacques Mallet du Pan|Mallet du Pan]] by French naval officer Charles Louis Etienne, Chevalier de Panat: ''Personne n'est corrigé; personne n'a su ni rien oublier ni rien apprendre.''—&quot;Nobody has been corrected; no one has known to forget, nor yet to learn anything.&quot; Source: Craufurd Tate Ramage, ''Beautiful Thoughts from French and Italian Authors'', E. Howell (1866)

{{Misattributed end}}

== Quotes about Talleyrand ==

* [[Napoleon]] was essentially a man of visions and impulses, every conjecture, every trick of circumstance only prompting him to more grand designs, only luring his eye to more untrodden hills. But Talleyrand could not go with him all the way, and, aristocrat at heart, would not consent to be a mute unreasoning tool. Talleyrand's thought was of that withering kind that was so fashionable and attractive in the gilded world of his youth. He talked with a wink and a smile, his sarcasm would charm a [[w:Salon (gathering)|salon]], and, in repartee, he would cover a sword-thrust with velvet; but always his was the talk of the sceptic rather than the enthusiast, the critic rather than the dreamer; he could be delightfully oblique, he was never daringly grand. He thought best when on the defensive. This is where he differed from his master. This is why he was able to play a sort of second critical self to Napoleon, checking his flights of ambition, softening his intemperate expressions, and moderating his indiscreet outbursts—and, on the positive side, furnishing him expedients rather than grand designs. Hence he was perhaps the man to know Napoleon, and realise the true situation of affairs, better than Napoleon himself.
** [[Herbert Butterfield]], ''The Peace Tactics of Napoleon 1806–1808'' (1929), pp. 167-168

* His age was venerable, his society was delightful, and there was an exhibition of conservative wisdom, ‘of moderate and healing counsels,’ in all his thoughts, words, and actions very becoming to his age and station, vastly influential from his sagacity and experience, and which presented him to the eyes of men as a statesman like [[William Cecil, 1st Baron Burghley|Burleigh]] or [[Edward Hyde, 1st Earl of Clarendon|Clarendon]] for prudence, temperance, and discretion. 
** [[Charles Greville (diarist)|Charles Greville]], diary entry (23 May 1838), quoted in ''The Greville Memoirs (Second Part): A Journal of the Reign of Queen Victoria from 1837 to 1852. Vol. I'', ed. Henry Reeve (1885), p. 95

* M. de Talleyrand, the most celebrated wit, courtier, and negotiator of his time. The public life of that celebrated man had not been free from the stains which, in times of frequent and violent change, are almost necessarily contracted by politicians. But it is just to say, that, if he was unfaithful to particular parties and particular families, he was in the main faithful to the interests of his country and to the great principles of government; that, though a revolutionist, he was never a [[w:Jacobin (politics)|jacobin]]; and that, though a minister of [[Napoleon]], he had no share in the worst parts of the imperial tyranny.
** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], ''Napoleon and the Restoration of the Bourbons: The Completed Portion of Macaulay's Projected &quot;History of France from the Restoration of the Bourbons to the Accession of Louis Philippe&quot;'', ed. Joseph Hamburger (1977), p. 63

* You are a thief, a coward, a man without faith. You don't believe in God; you have all your life failed in all your duties, you have deceived, betrayed everyone'' […] ''Look, sir, you are nothing but shit in silk stockings. (''Vous êtes un voleur, un lâche, un homme sans foi. Vous ne croyez pas à Dieu ; vous avez toute votre vie manqué à tous vos devoirs, vous avez trompé, trahi tout le monde […] Tenez, Monsieur, vous n’êtes que de la merde en bas de soie.''[This refers to the fact that Talleyrand always dressed in the old aristocratic fashion with breeches and stocking, while the Revolution and the Empire had led to the generalised use of full-length trousers previously used by the lower classes]
** [[Napoleon]] to Talleyrand, Privy Council of Ministers convened at the Château des Tuileries, January 28, 1809, quoted in a letter of 1834 in the posthumously published ''Mémoires et Correspondance du prince de Talleyrand'' (1891).

* ''Un homme né pour les grands vices et les petites actions''.
* A man born for great vices and small actions.
** [[George Sand]], quoted in '[https://www.letemps.ch/culture/talleyrand-cameleon-diplomatie Talleyrand, caméléon de la diplomatie]' ''Le Temps'' (20 March 2004), review of ''Talleyrand, le Prince immobile'' by Emmanuel de Waresquiel

* It may seem odd to confess, but I never could discover on what grounds Talleyrand's great reputation as a ''Minister'' was built. I never found him a man of business, nor, I must say, able in affairs.
** [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington|The Duke of Wellington]], remarks to John Wilson Croker (1826), quoted in L. J. Jennings (ed.), ''The Croker Papers: The Correspondence and Diaries of the Late Right Honourable John Wilson Croker, LL.D., F.R.S., Secretary to the Admiralty from 1809 to 1830, Vol. I'' (1884), p. 334

* He countered insult with a smile, and, when charged with lack of principle, was content to observe that the only sound principle was to have none. His unpopularity, then, is easily intelligible. Nothing alienates people more thoroughly than indifference, unless it be a rasping wit; and when Talleyrand spoke at all, he would always rather lose a friend than a jest.
** [[Charles Whibley]], ''Political Portraits'' (1917), pp. 173-174

* He was, in truth, a finished specimen of the ''homme politique''. He aspired to govern not empires, but rulers; and such being his profession, it is not strange that vices and even crimes were imputed to him by those who lacked his knowledge and humour. But if he disdained to answer his accusers, he never ceased to believe in the loftiness of his patriotism and the grandeur of his policy. ‘Animated by the most devoted love of France,’ thus he wrote at the end of his career, ‘I have always served her conscientiously, and sought for her honestly that which I honestly believed to be most advantageous for her.’
** [[Charles Whibley]], ''Political Portraits'' (1917), p. 174

==External links==
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      <text bytes="66541" sha1="s24doshzq207ilcscwxm43gr46fdcoa" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Official portrait of Nigel Farage MP crop 2.jpg|thumb|We know the costs of Europe. What are the benefits?]]
[[File:Nigel Farage (54556685652).jpg|thumb|We know the costs of Europe. What are the benefits?|There is no Conservative party, it does not exist.]]
'''[[w:Nigel Farage|Nigel Paul Farage]]''' (born [[3 April]] [[1964]]) is an [[w:England|English]] politician who has served as leader of [[w:Reform UK|Reform UK]] since 3 June 2024, a change which occurred during the [[w:2024 United Kingdom general election|2024 general election]], at which he was elected as the [[w:Member of Parliament (United Kingdom)|Member of Parliament]] for [[w:Clacton (UK Parliament constituency)|Clacton]] in Essex. He announced his resignation as an MP on 7 July 2026, but is due to contest [[w:2026 Clacton by-election|the resulting by-election]]. Previously, he was leader of the Brexit Party (as Reform was originally known) from 2019 to 2021, leader of the [[w:UK Independence Party|UK Independence Party]] (2006–2009, 2010–2016) and a [[w:Member of the European Parliament|Member of the European Parliament]] (1999–2020).

Since 2021, Farage has hosted TV programmes on [[w:GB News|GB News]] in the UK.

== Quotes ==
=== 2002 ===
* '''I think that [[Politics of the United Kingdom|politics]] needs a bit of spicing up.'''
**In response to criticism of an anti-euro advertisement which showed [[Adolf Hitler]] promoting the single currency - [http://articles.cnn.com/2002-07-03/world/eu.hitlerad_1_anti-euro-appearance-by-rock-star-euro-currency?_s=PM:WORLD Hitler anti-euro ad condemned], ''CNN'', 3 July 2002.

=== 2004 ===
* We seek an amicable divorce from the [[w:European Union|European Union]] and its replacement with a genuine free-trade agreement, which is what my parents' generation thought we’d signed up for in the first place.
**In ''UKIP news (issue 56)'', July 2004.

=== 2010===
*You have the charisma of a damp rag, and the appearance of a low-grade bank clerk. And the question that I want to ask, […] that we're all going to ask, is '''&quot;Who are you?&quot;''' I'd never heard of you. Nobody in [[Europe]] had ever heard of you. I would like to ask you, President, who voted for you, and what mechanism … oh, I know democracy's not popular with you lot, and what mechanism do the people of Europe have to remove you? Is this European democracy? Well, I sense, I sense though that you are competent and capable and dangerous, and I have no doubt in your intention, to be the quiet assassin of European democracy, and of the European nation states. You appear to have a loathing for the very concept of the existence of nation states - perhaps that's because you come from [[Belgium]], which of course is pretty much a non-country. But since you took over, we've seen [[Greece]] reduced to nothing more than a protectorate. Sir, you have no legitimacy in this job at all, and I can say with confidence that I speak on behalf of the majority of British people in saying: We don't know you, we don't want you, and the sooner you're put out to grass, the better.
**Speech in the European Parliament, 24 February 2010 - [http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/feb/25/nigel-farage-herman-van-rompuy-damp-rag Ukip's Nigel Farage tells Van Rompuy: You have the charisma of a damp rag], ''The Guardian'', 24 February 2010.
* I have been called a great many things in my time – that's [[politics]].
**Upon being fined €2,980 for &quot;inappropriate behaviour&quot; towards [[w:Herman Van Rompuy|Herman Van Rompuy, EU President]] - [http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/mar/02/nigel-farage-fined-mep-rompuy Nigel Farage fined for verbal attack on EU president], ''The Guardian'', 2 March 2010.

=== 2012===
* And I honestly predict that I mean this. That if we go on doing this to Greece. We will drive that country into a violent [[revolution]].
**Segment of a speech, held in a UKIP meeting on 21 February 2012. When Nigel Farage spoke about the austerity measures impleted into Greece - [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFlYhUkO2uU&amp;list=PL25613E6F90B320EC&amp;index=9&amp;feature=plpp_video Greece being destroyed by EU fanatical ideology]

* And what is the reaction of the [[Government of the United Kingdom|British political class]]? Well the [[Liberal Democrats (UK)|Lib Dems]], still think that the [[Euro]] is a success! I don't quite think where [[Nick Clegg|Cleggy]] gets this from, I don't know. Perhaps he is considering an alternative career as a stand up [[Comedy|comedian]], once he's out of politics.
**Another segment of a speech held in a UKIP meeting on 21 February 2012. When Nigel Farage explains on the reactions on [[w:Labour_Party_(UK)|Labour]], [[Conservative Party (UK)|Conservative]] and Lib Dem politicians on the failing Euro currency - [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ugNOj8JsXY&amp;list=PL25613E6F90B320EC&amp;index=8&amp;feature=plpp_video Nigel Farage met Angel Merkel]

* When people stand up and talk about the great success that the EU has been, I'm not sure anybody saying it really believes it themselves anymore.
**Speech in the European Parliament, 9 May 2012. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJ6_Ey_MJV4&amp;list=PL25613E6F90B320EC&amp;index=14&amp;feature=plpp_video Farage: We face the prospect of mass civil unrest, even revolution]

* It is virtually impossible for what you are voting on to remain as it is currently. There could be huge changes to the [EU fiscal] treaty and there could be huge changes to the euro zone itself.
**Interview in the ''Irish Times'' newspaper, 17 May 2012. [http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/ireland/2012/0517/1224316240473.html Anti-treaty campaign claims single currency may collapse]

* The EU is mired in deep structural crisis. Greece, [[Portugal]] and [[Republic of Ireland|Ireland]] cannot survive inside the Euro.
**Segment from an article in the New York Times newspaper, 18 May 2012. [http://rendezvous.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/05/18/can-europe-be-saved-should-it/ Can Europe be saved? Should it?]

* If [[Spain]] goes, Europe on its own will not be big enough to save the [[Banking|banks]].
**Segment from an article on the UKIP website, 31 May 2012. [http://www.ukip.org/content/latest-news/2681-on-the-edge-of-social-breakdown On the edge of social breakdown]

* The situation in Greece just goes from bad to worse. We’ve now got a situation where there was the big suicide a few weeks ago, where a 77-year-old man shot himself in the head outside the Greek Parliament. That was the public face of what’s gone wrong.
**Segment from an article on the UKIP website, 31 May 2012. [http://www.ukip.org/content/latest-news/2681-on-the-edge-of-social-breakdown On the edge of social breakdown]

* But do you know that every day there are people that are literally leaving their children at the doors of the [[Greek Orthodox Church]], with notes around their necks saying, ‘We cannot afford to feed or look after these children, please take them from us.’ Can you imagine that?
**Segment from an article on the UKIP website, 31 May 2012. [http://www.ukip.org/content/latest-news/2681-on-the-edge-of-social-breakdown On the edge of social breakdown]

* This is taking place inside Europe. This is taking place inside a once great nation. The nation that invented [[democracy]]. We are on the edge of total social breakdown. And frankly, as far as the euro is concerned and the [[austerity]] measures are concerned, the [[medicine]] is killing the patient.
**Segment from an article on the UKIP website, 31 May 2012. [http://www.ukip.org/content/latest-news/2681-on-the-edge-of-social-breakdown On the edge of social breakdown]

* I do think that the banking system is now in the most perilous state we’ve seen in over 70 years.
**Segment from an article on the UKIP website, 31 May 2012. [http://www.ukip.org/content/latest-news/2681-on-the-edge-of-social-breakdown On the edge of social breakdown]

* The euro [[RMS Titanic|Titanic]] has now hit the iceberg - and there simply aren't enough lifeboats to go round.
**Segment from a speech held in the European Parliament in Strasbourg, 13 June 2012. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TN_1mF-3JTI&amp;list=PL25613E6F90B320EC&amp;index=27&amp;feature=plpp_video The Genius of Mutual Indebtedness - Nigel Farage]

* [EU leaders] are not undemocratic. They are anti-democratic. These are very bad and dangerous people. They are the worst people we have seen in Europe since 1945.
** In an appearance on [[w:RT (TV network)|RT]] ([https://web.archive.org/web/20120705133017/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5z7RVT0a8zI 29 June 2012]), as cited in Patrick Wintour and Rowena Mason [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/mar/31/nigel-farage-relationship-russian-media-scrutiny &quot;Nigel Farage's relationship with Russian media comes under scrutiny&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (31 March 2014)
** The RT appearance is undated in ''The Guardian'', but the original YouTube link is present.

* If we are just going to have a fudged referendum on 'do we stay in or go further?' then that's not good enough.
**Segment from a BBC News interview, 2 July 2012. [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-18669796 Farage: 'Fudged referendum on EU is no good']

* Once again, I challenge the [[Prime Minister of the United Kingdom|Prime Minister]] to have an open debate with me on why he believes we must stay part of this failing, [[Corruption|corrupt]] EU. The future of our nation is at stake. [[David Cameron|Mr Cameron]], you have my phone number.
**Quote by Nigel Farage on an article written by himself in the Telegraph, 6 July 2012. [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/eu/9378567/The-time-will-never-be-right-for-David-Cameron-to-hold-a-referendum-on-the-EU.html The time will never be right for David Cameron to hold a referendum on the EU.]

* As you are well aware, the last time the people of this country were given a say on membership of the European Union was back in 1975. This must have been a factor in your thinking when, in 2007, you gave a “cast-iron guarantee” to hold a referendum if you became Prime Minister. Since that promise, however, your message on the issue has been confusing and misleading. You say the time is not right but refuse to clarify when the time will be right. You believe that leaving would not be in our best interests and an in/out referendum is flawed because it offers a “single choice”. In last week’s [[The Sun (United Kingdom)|Sun]] poll, almost 70 per cent of voters said they would like a referendum. In the same poll, a clear majority said they would like to leave the EU and yet your plans would deny them that opportunity. I believe the British people, along with many of your own backbench MPs, want and deserve a straight in/out choice in a referendum. I propose a public debate between us where we can put our respective cases forward. My challenge to you is an open and honest one and I hope you will afford me, and the people of this country, a proper say on the matter. 
** Letter from Nigel Farage that was hand delivered to 10 Downing Street by Nigel Farage himself, challenging the Prime Minister to an open debate on the EU, 16 July 2012. [http://www.ukip.org/content/latest-news/2719-nigel-delivers-challenge-to-downing-street Nigel delivers challenge to Downing Street.]

* We know the costs of Europe. What are the benefits?
**Quote by Nigel Farage on an article in The Sun, 1 August 2012. [http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/politics/4465801/British-taxpayers-paid-a-record-192BILLION-to-the-EU.html  Record bill for EU is £19bn]

* [On his aircraft accident during the 2010 general election campaign] I survived a bloody crash [...] I have more vigor and vim and gusto then I ever had before. I’m also an inch shorter.
* I'm not really a [[Politicians|politician]] [..] I’m actually a [[Businessperson|businessman]]. I supported [[Margaret Thatcher]], I believed in [[Ronald Reagan]], I believe in [[Free market|free markets]], I believe in small [[government]], [[Business|enterprise]], hard work, and I believe in a [[taxation]] system that doesn’t punish those who do well in life.
** At an event in a Manhattan club, as cited in [https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2012/10/22/less-europe &quot;Less Europe&quot;] ''The New Yorker'' (15 October 2012)
** Farage's injuries in the crash included broken ribs and his spine.

* Rather than bring [[peace]] and [[harmony]], the EU will cause insurgency and [[violence]].
**Quote by Nigel Farage on an article in the ''Zimbabwe Independent'', regarding the EU winning the Nobel Peace Prize, 19 October 2012. [http://www.theindependent.co.zw/2012/10/19/nobel-peace-prize-really-deserves-a-new-name/ Nobel Peace Prize really deserves a new name.]

* I'm not for sale, neither is UKIP.
**Quote by Nigel Farage on rumours that the Conservative party should have a pact with UKIP, 27 November 2012. [http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/360871 Nigel Farage: 'I'm not for sale, neither is UKIP']

* The opening of the doors on January 1, 2014, to 29 million [[Romania|Romanians]] and [[Bulgaria|Bulgarians]] is going to become a huge issue next year.
** As cited in [https://www.thetimes.com/uk/politics/article/farage-seizes-threat-of-new-mass-migration-to-widen-ukips-appeal-tbn597vptnr &quot;Farage seizes threat of new mass migration to widen UKIP’s appeal&quot;], ''The Times'' (22 December 2012).
** Figure combines the total populations of the two East European countries.

=== 2013===
* I have to say that everybody from David Cameron to half this panel say, &quot;Wouldn't it be terrible if we were like [[Norway]] and [[Switzerland]]?&quot; Really? They're rich. They're happy. They're self governing.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTDByiSRerk Speaking on BBC Question Time in Lincoln], 17 January 2013.

*[Any changes Mr Cameron could obtain from [[Brussels]] would be cosmetic and the UK risks becoming] a province of a United States of Europe
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-21107741 'Strong case' for EU referendum, says Hague] ''BBC News'' (20 January 2013)

*Winning this referendum, if and when it comes, is not going to be an easy thing but I feel that UKIP's real job starts today,
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-21148282 David Cameron promises in/out referendum on EU] ''BBC News'' (23 January 2013)

* We wouldn't want to be like the [[Swiss people|Swiss]], would we? That would be awful! We'd be rich!
**In response to David Cameron's speech on Britain's relationship with the European Union, 23 January 2013 - [http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2013/jan/23/ukip-nigel-farage-david-cameron-eu-referendum-speech Ukip's Nigel Farage ridicules David Cameron's EU referendum speech.]

* I was asked last week if UKIP would have been necessary if Mrs Thatcher had not been overthrown before the [[w:Maastricht Treaty|Maastricht treaty]]. Had she still been in power in 1992 there would have been a referendum on that treaty, and the need for UKIP would probably never have arisen.
** [https://www.thetimes.com/article/what-thatcher-would-do-today-about-europe-8nm37jvzx0x &quot;What Thatcher would do today about ... Europe&quot;], ''The Times'' (15 April 2013).
** See [[w:Maastricht Rebels|Maastricht Rebels]].

* If this is the face of [[w:Scottish_nationalism|Scottish nationalism]], it's a pretty ugly nation.
**Hitting back at pro-Scottish independence protesters, after an incident at an [[Edinburgh]] pub - [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-22566183 Nigel Farage blasts 'fascist' nationalists after Edinburgh confrontation, 17 May 2013.]

* Absolutely none. But rather more than the BBC do. We could have had this interview in [[England]] a couple of years ago, although I wouldn’t have met with such hatred that I’m getting from your questions, and frankly I’ve had enough of this interview. Goodbye.
**During a phone call on BBC's Good Morning Scotland radio show (regarding the incident in Edinburgh), in which an angry Nigel Farage hung up after stating that the interview was unpleasant and offensive, 17 May 2013 - [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2326042/Nigel-Farage-ends-BBC-interview-calling-Scottish-nationalists-fascist-scum.html 'Scottish nationalists are fascist scum': Farage rages against pub protesters before hanging up on BBC for 'hate' filled interview.]

*I want friendship, co-operation and trade (with the EU). I don't want to be part of a political union.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-23186128 EU referendum: MPs call for public to have their say] ''BBC News'' (5 July 2013)

=== 2014 ===
* [Asked for the leader he held in the greatest respect] As an operator, but not as a human being, I would say [[Vladimir Putin|[Vladimir] Putin]].
* The way he played [[Syrian civil war|the whole Syria thing]]. Brilliant. Not that I approve of him politically. How many [[Journalism|journalists]] in jail now?
** From an interview in ''GQ'' magazine, as cited in [https://web.archive.org/web/20170126154307/http://af.reuters.com/article/worldNews/idAFBREA2U0R920140331 &quot;UK anti-EU party head admires Putin for 'brilliant' Syria policy&quot;] ''Reuters'' (31 March 2014)

* [Responding to criticism of his comments in the ''GQ'' interview] I said it just after [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|parliament]] had voted not to go to war in [[Syria]], thank God. One of the things Putin said did actually change the debate in this country … I did make it perfectly clear. It depends what it means by the word … I said I don't like him, I wouldn't trust him and I wouldn't want to live in his country, but compared with the kids who run [[foreign policy]] in this country, I've more respect for him than our lot.
** In a discussion at [[w:Chatham House|Chatham House]], London, as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/mar/31/nigel-farage-respect-vladimir-putin-more-kids-runs-britain &quot;Nigel Farage: I have more respect for Putin than for 'kids' who run Britain&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (31 March 2014)

* When I said yes to these debates I thought you would honestly make the pro-EU case.  By saying 7% of our laws are made in Brussels, you are wilfully lying to the [[British people]] about the extent to which we have given control of our country and our [[democracy]] and I am really shocked and surprised you would do that.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-26843996 Nick Clegg and Nigel Farage in heated BBC debate over EU] ''BBC News'' (3 April 2014)

*[&lt;nowiki/&gt;[[immigration]] is] good for the rich because it's cheaper nannies and cheaper chauffeurs and cheaper gardeners but it's bad news for ordinary Britons... it has left the [[White people|white]] [[working class]] effectively as an underclass, and I think that is a disaster for our society
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-26843996 Nick Clegg and Nigel Farage in heated BBC debate over EU] ''BBC News'' (3 April 2014)

*I want the EU to end but I want it to end democratically. If it doesn't end democratically I'm afraid it will end very unpleasantly.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-26843996 Nick Clegg and Nigel Farage in heated BBC debate over EU] ''BBC News'' (3 April 2014)

*Any normal and fair-minded person would have a perfect right to be concerned if a group of Romanian people suddenly moved in next door.
**[https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-27459923 Nigel Farage attacked over Romanians 'slur'] ''BBC News'' (18 May 2014)

*today we are rushing through, at undue speed, an Association Agreement with the Ukraine, and as we speak there are NATO soldiers engaged in military exercises in the Ukraine. Have we taken leave of our senses? Do we actually want to have a war with Putin? Because if we do, we are certainly going about it the right way.
**[https://www.europarl.europa.eu/doceo/document/CRE-8-2014-09-16_EN.html Speech in the European Parliament] (16 September 2014)

*The Labour Party hate the concept of Englishness. They have done for a very long time. [[w:New_Labour|New Labour]] can't even stand the concept of [[patriotism]]. They think the [[Flag of the United Kingdom|flag]] somehow is unpleasant, backward-looking and nasty. People like [[Emily Thornberry]] would rather we had that blue flag with 12 stars on it that comes to us from Brussels.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-30148768 Miliband: Thornberry's 'white van, flag' tweet lacked respect] ''BBC News'' (21 November 2014)

=== 2015 ===
*Of course we're good enough. Switzerland has negotiated more global [[Free trade|free-trade]] agreements than we have, without being part of the European Union, and [[Iceland]], with a population of 300,000 people has signed its own tariff-free deal with [[China]].
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-2015-32465547 Election 2015: UK good enough to go it alone - Farage] ''BBC News'' (25 April 2015)

*A couple of times I've been stuck on the motorway and surrounded by swarms of potential migrants to Britain and once, even, they tried the back door of the car to see whether they could get in.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-33716501 David Cameron criticised over migrant 'swarm' language] ''BBC News'' (30 July 2015)

=== 2016 ===
*There's not much point in having a United Kingdom if we're governed from somewhere else. We may as well become a satellite state of the European Union because that's virtually what we are. Our courts aren't supreme. Our parliaments aren't supreme, whether that's in Holyrood or in Westminster. This is not about [[Scotland]]'s relationship with Westminster. This is about whether Scotland wants to be part of an independent UK.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-scotland-politics-35674306 Scottish Lib Dem conference: Leader Tim Farron in staunch defence of EU] ''BBC News'' (27 February 2016)

* In a 52-48 referendum this would be unfinished business by a long way. If the Remain campaign win two-thirds to one-third that ends it.
** From an interview with ''Mirror'', as cited in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-eu-referendum-36306681 &quot;Nigel Farage: Narrow Remain win may lead to second referendum&quot;], ''BBC News'' (17 May 2016)

*We are being sold that this is all about trade and that the single market is soft and cuddly and lovely like a baby puppy. But actually it is a smokescreen for the real, simply proposition of this referendum. It's actually rather simple: do you wish us to be a self-governing, independent, democratic nation or part of a bigger, broader, European Union?
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-eu-referendum-36444014 Immigration focus is turning point in EU campaign, says Farage] ''BBC News'' (3 June 2016)

*No deal is better than the rotten deal that we have at the moment
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-eu-referendum-36471787 ITV debate: Farage and Cameron face EU questions] ''BBC News'' (8 June 2016)

*[Brexit] will be a victory for ordinary people, for decent people.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-36615028 Brexit: David Cameron to quit after UK votes to leave EU] ''BBC News'' (24 June 2016)

*Dare to dream that the dawn is breaking on an independent United Kingdom.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-eu-referendum-36612368 Leave campaign ahead in UK's EU referendum vote] ''BBC News'' (24 June 2016)

*Let June 23 go down in our history as our independence day.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-eu-referendum-36612368 Leave campaign ahead in UK's EU referendum vote] ''BBC News'' (24 June 2016)

* We have fought against the [[Multinational corporation|multinationals]], we have fought against the big merchant banks, we have fought against big politics, we have fought against lies, corruption and deceit, and today honesty, decency and belief in nation, I think now is going to win. And we will have done it without having to fight, [[w:Murder_of_Jo_Cox|without a single bullet being fired]]. We'd have done it by damned hard work on the ground.
** Celebrating the [[w:United Kingdom European Union membership referendum, 2016|Brexit referendum]] (24 June 2016)

* [A second referendum is] the last thing I want to see. It's not a game of the best of three.
** [http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/nigel-farage-says-brexit-referendum-8283500 Interviewed by the Mirror after the EU referendum result], commenting on the [https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/131215 petition to the UK Parliament for a second referendum] (25 June 2016)

* I destroyed the [[w:British National Party|British National Party]] - we had a [[Far-right politics|far-right]] [[Political parties|party]] in this country who genuinely were [[Antisemitism|anti-Jew]], [[Racism in the United Kingdom|anti-Black]], all of those things, and I came along, and said to their voters, if you're holding your nose and voting for this party as a protest, don't.&lt;br /&gt;Come and vote for me - I'm not against anybody, I just want us to start putting British people first, and I, almost single-handedly, destroyed the far-right in British politics.&lt;br /&gt;If I hadn't been around, and done what I'd done, that strain of opinion would've been represented by (former BNP leader) [[Nick Griffin]], and the BNP, and would genuinely have been motivated by hate. I'm not motivated by that, I'm not against anybody.
** In an appearance on [[w:RT (TV network)|RT]] (earlier known as Russia Today), as cited in [https://www.heraldscotland.com/news/14680140.nigel-farage-destroyed-far-right-british-politics/ &quot;Nigel Farage: I destroyed far-right in British politics&quot;] ''The National'' (Scotland, 12 August 2016)

* [Referring to his life after ceasing to be Ukip leader earlier in 2016] I am not having to deal with low-grade people every day, I am not responsible for what our branch secretary in Lower Slaughter said half-cut on Twitter last night – that isn't my fault any more. I don't have to go to eight-hour party executive meetings.&lt;br /&gt;I don't have to spend my life dealing with people I would never have a drink with, who I would never employ and who use me as a vehicle for their own self-promotion. There are a lot of great people in Ukip. The problem is that Ukip has become a bit like the other parties: people view it as a means to get elected.
** [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/12/09/nigel-farage-exclusive-interview-special-relationship-donald/ &quot;Nigel Farage exclusive interview: On Ukip, his special relationship with Donald Trump and why he can help bring peace to the Middle East&quot;], ''The Telegraph'' (9 December 2016).

===2017===
* All of us in our lives go through ups and downs and I regret the down that I am in at the moment. But I make this plea, particularly to the [[Mass media|media]] - please leave my wife and children alone. Don't hassle them, don't intimidate them. They don't deserve it and it's simply not fair.
** [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/02/06/nigel-farages-wife-reveals-couple-have-living-separate-lives/ On his separation from his second wife], 7 February 2017

* Well, it's very successful politics, isn't it? You know, we are the [[turkeys]] that have voted for [[Christmas]].
** [http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p04vdjs7 Interviewed on the Today programme], BBC Radio 4, 1 March 2017

* If Brexit is a disaster, I will go and live abroad, I'll go and live somewhere else.
** [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/nigel-farage-i-will-emigrate-if-brexit-is-a-disaster-a7653786.html Responding to a caller's question on his talk radio show], LBC, 27 March 2017

* It was always monstrous that she should be judged in the image of [[Jean-Marie Le Pen|her father]] – an accusation many still make today. I wonder whether, had her surname not been &quot;Le Pen&quot;, she might now be ahead in the polls. There is nothing she has said in this entire election campaign that I find unreasonable or extreme.
* [T]he time has come for me to get off the fence and say that I do want to see [[Marine Le Pen]] win on Sunday. She would make a good leader of France and is the right candidate for Brexit Britain.
** [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/05/03/supporting-marine-le-pen-fails-year-will-win-2022/ &quot;I'm supporting Marine Le Pen, and if she fails this year, she will win in 2022&quot;], ''The Telegraph'' (3 May 2017)
** Le Pen was a candidate in the [[w:2017 French presidential election|2017 French presidential election]]. She was defeated in the second round by [[Emmanuel Macron]] and also by Macron in the second round of the [[w:2022 French presidential election|2022 French presidential election]].

* But if they don't deliver this Brexit that I spent 25 years of my life working for, then I will be forced to don khaki, pick up a rifle and head for the front lines.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/nigel-farage-brexit-rifle-pick-up-uk-eu-withdrawal-ukip-leader-liberal-democrat-a7741331.html During a speech regarding the delivery of Brexit], 14 May 2017

* There are about six million [[Judaism|Jewish]] people living in [[United States|America]], so as a percentage it’s quite small, but in terms of influence it’s quite big. Well in terms of money and influence they are a powerful lobby and America has interfered elections all over the world for decades, there is a degree of hypocrisy. [...] he makes the point that there are powerful foreign lobbies in the US, and the Jewish lobby with its links to the Israeli government is one of those strong voices.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/us-jewish-lobby-nigel-farage-power-anti-semitism-ukip-leader-a8031191.html Remarks during a discussion on LBC radio station about whether Russian influence had really helped Mr Trump be elected] cited in ''The Independent'' (1 November 2017)

===2018===
*We have nothing to fear and that is the reason why we should only accept a clean and clear Brexit, not some fudge.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-45614468 No-deal Brexit 'no problem', Nigel Farage says at Leave Means Leave rally] ''BBC News'' (22 September 2018)

* The very idea of [[Tommy Robinson]] being at the centre of the Brexit debate is too awful to contemplate. And so, with a heavy heart, and after all my years of devotion to the party, I am leaving Ukip today. There is a huge space for a Brexit party in British politics, but it won't be filled by Ukip.
** [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2018/12/04/heavy-heart-leaving-ukip-not-brexit-party-nation-badly-needs/ &quot;With a heavy heart, I am leaving Ukip. It is not the Brexit party our nation so badly needs&quot;], ''The Telegraph'' (4 December 2018)

* [[Belgium]] is not a nation!
** [https://brussels-express.eu/brexiteer-nigel-farage-belgium-is-not-a-nation// Debate on the future of Europe with the primeminister of Belgium, Charles Michel], 3 May 2018

===2019===
* If we don’t leave on October 31, then the scores you’ve seen for the [[w:Brexit Party|Brexit Party]] today will be repeated in a general election, and we are getting ready for it.
** [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/26/world/europe/farage-brexit-party-uk-elections.html On the Brexit Party's performance in the] [[w:2019 European Parliament election in the United Kingdom|2019 elections for European Parliament]], 26 May 2019

*A [[Boris Johnson|Johnson]] government committed to doing the right thing and The Brexit Party working in tandem would be unstoppable.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-49482032 Brexit: No deal 'only acceptable' way to leave EU, says Nigel Farage] ''BBC News'' (27 August 2019)

*The withdrawal agreement is not Brexit. It is a betrayal of what 17.4 million people voted for. If you insist on the withdrawal agreement, Mr Johnson, we will fight you in every seat up and down the length and breadth of the United Kingdom.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-49482032 Brexit: No deal 'only acceptable' way to leave EU, says Nigel Farage] ''BBC News'' (27 August 2019)

*When you get it out of the fridge it’s really appetising and delicious for a few days, but after a couple of weeks it stinks and is inedible.
**On [[Boris Johnson]]'s deal with the EU, comparing it to cheese. [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/nov/03/nigel-farage-says-he-will-not-stand-for-mp-in-general-election-brexit-party Nigel Farage says he will not stand for MP in general election] ''The Guardian'' (3 November 2019)

* Do I find a seat to try get myself into parliament or do I serve the cause better traversing the length and breadth of the United Kingdom supporting 600 candidates, and I've decided the latter course is the right one.
** Interviewed on ''[[w:The Andrew Marr Show|The Andrew Marr Show]]'', as cited in [https://www.scotsman.com/news/politics/nigel-farages-threat-to-boris-johnson-here-are-my-600-candidates-1403382?r=1160 &quot;Nigel Farage's threat to Boris Johnson: Here are my 600 candidates&quot;], ''The Scotsman'' (4 November 2019)
** Farage's advocacy of his party standing in 600 constituencies (approximate number excludes Westminster seats in Northern Ireland) [https://news.sky.com/story/general-election-nigel-farages-brexit-party-wont-contest-any-seats-won-by-tories-in-2017-11859370 was dropped a week later] and the party did not stand in seats held by the Conservatives at the [[w:2017 United Kingdom general election|2017 United Kingdom general election]] to prevent a split of pro-Brexit voters between the two parties.

===2020===
* So this is it, the final chapter, the end of the road. A 47-year political experiment that the British frankly have never been very happy with. '''My mother and father signed up to a common market, not to a political union, flags, anthems, presidents, and now you even want your own army.''' For me, it has been 27 years of campaigning and over 20 years here in this parliament. I’m not particularly happy with the agreement we’re being asked to vote on tonight. But Boris has been remarkably bold in the last few months… he’s promised us there will be no level playing field, and on that basis, I wish him every success in the next round of negotiations, I really do.
** ''EU Farewell Speech'', as quoted in Nigel Farage’s Final EU Speech: Mic Gets Cut as He Waves UK Flag in Victory, ''Breitbart news''

* '''What happens at 11pm this Friday the 31st of January 2020 marks the point of no return. Once we’ve left, we’re never coming back and the rest frankly is detail.''' We’re going, and we will be gone. And that should be the summit of my own political ambitions. I walked in here, you all thought it was terribly funny but you stopped laughing in 2016. But my view of Europe has changed since I joined. In 2005, I saw the [[Constitutions|constitution]] that had been drafted… and saw it rejected by the [[France|French]] in a referendum. I saw it rejected by the [[Netherlands|Dutch]] in a referendum. And I saw you, in these institutions, ignore them. [You brought it back] as the [[Lisbon Treaty|Lisbon treaty]], and boast you could ram it through without there being referendums. Well, the Irish did have a vote and did say no, and were forced to vote again. You’re very good at making people to vote again, but what we’ve proved is the British are too big to bully, thank goodness. So I became an outright opponent of the whole European project. I want Brexit to start a debate across the whole of Europe. '''What do we want from Europe? If we want trade, friendship cooperation, reciprocity, we don’t need a European Commission, we don’t need a European court. We don’t need these institutions and all of this power.''' And I can promise you, both in UKIP and in the Brexit party, we love Europe. We just hate the European Union.
** ''EU Farewell Speech'', as quoted in Nigel Farage’s Final EU Speech: Mic Gets Cut as He Waves UK Flag in Victory, ''Breitbart news''

* '''I hope this begins the end of this project. It is a bad project. It isn’t just undemocratic, it is antidemocratic.''' It puts in that front row, it gives people power without unaccountability. People who cannot be held to account by the electorate and that is an unacceptable structure.
** ''EU Farewell Speech'', as quoted in Nigel Farage’s Final EU Speech: Mic Gets Cut as He Waves UK Flag in Victory, ''Breitbart news''

* '''There is a historic battle going on across the west, in [[Europe]], America, and elsewhere. It is [[globalism]] against [[populism]]. And you may loathe populism, but I’ll tell you a funny thing. It is becoming very popular!''' And it has great benefits. No more financial contributions, no more European Courts of Justice. No more European Common Fisheries Policy, no more being talked down to. No more being bullied, no more [[Guy Verhofstadt]]! What’s not to like. I know you’re going to miss us, I know you want to ban our national flags, but we’re going to wave you goodbye, and we’ll look forward in the future to working with you as a [[Sovereignty|sovereign]] nation… [Farage is cut off by the chair]
** ''EU Farewell Speech'', as quoted in Nigel Farage’s Final EU Speech: Mic Gets Cut as He Waves UK Flag in Victory, ''Breitbart news''

===2022–2023===
* What a nonsense, sadly said under [[w:Parliamentary privilege in the United Kingdom|parliamentary privilege]].&lt;br /&gt;I had two small appearance fees back then, well under £5,000 [in 2016 and 2017]. Not appeared since. [...] I didn't do anything with [[w:RT (TV network)|RT]] in 2018.
** Speaking to the [[w:PA news agency|PA news agency]], as cited in [https://www.thenational.scot/news/19995622.nigel-farage-dismisses-labour-mp-chris-bryants-claims-payments-russian-state/ &quot;Nigel Farage dismisses Labour MP Chris Bryant's claims over payments from the Russian state&quot;] ''The National'' (15 March 2022)
** In a House of Commons debate on sanctions against Russia following [[w:Russian invasion of Ukraine|the invasion of Ukraine]], the Labour MP [[Chris Bryant]] (using parliamentary privilege) said: &quot;I simply point out that Nigel Farage received from Russia Today £548,573 in 2018 alone – from the Russian state&quot;.

* What Brexit has proved, I'm afraid, is that our politicians are about as useless as the commissioners in Brussels were. We have mismanaged this totally and if you look at simple things, simple things such as takeovers, such as corporation tax, we are driving business away from our country.&lt;br /&gt;Arguably, now we are back in control, we are regulating our own businesses even more than they were as EU members. '''Brexit has failed.'''
** Interviewed on the BBC's ''[[w:Newsnight|Newsnight]]'' (15 May 2023), as cited in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2023/05/16/rishi-sunak-news-latest-brexit-braverman-migration/ &quot;Nigel Farage says 'Brexit has failed' because of 'useless' Tory politicians&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (16 May 2023).

* We could have got it down to 50,000. If they put me in charge of it we would have got to 50,000 a year, no question about it, but they didn't.
* They have ignored what was said in that Brexit referendum and so now a bigger question emerges as to how we are going to change politics in this country.
* I wasn't in charge. '''Had we been a European country with proportional representation, I would have been in a position of authority to work with Government to try and achieve this.'''
** In a podcast with [[w:Beth Rigby|Beth Rigby]] of Sky News, as cited in [https://www.standard.co.uk/news/politics/nigel-farage-net-migration-brexit-rishi-sunak-immigration-sky-news-b1084018.html &quot;Nigel Farage claims net migration would have fallen to 50,000 if he was ‘in charge’ after Brexit&quot;] ''Evening Standard'' (26 May 2023)

* I got a phone call a couple of months ago to say 'we are closing your accounts', I asked 'why', no reason was given.&lt;br /&gt;I was told a letter would come which will explain everything, the letter came through and simply said 'we are closing your accounts, we want to finish it all by a date', which is around about now.&lt;br /&gt;I didn't quite know what to make of it, I complained, I emailed the chairman, a lackey phoned me to say that it was a commercial decision, which I have to say, I don't believe for a single moment.&lt;br /&gt;So I thought, well there we are, I'll have to go and find a different bank, I've been to seven banks, asked them all 'could I have a personal and a business account?', and the answer has been no in every single case.&lt;br /&gt;There is nothing irregular or unusual about what I do, the payments that go in and come out every month are pretty much the same, I maintain in my business account quite a big positive cash balance, which I guess with interest rates where they are is pretty good for the bank too.
* The truth is I've never received any money from any sources with any link to Russia.
** From a six-minute recording on Twitter (29 June 2023), as cited in [https://news.sky.com/story/nigel-farage-claims-his-bank-accounts-are-being-closed-without-explanation-12912144 &quot;Nigel Farage claims his bank accounts have been closed 'without explanation'&quot;] ''Sky News'' (30 June 2023)

* [These comments from Nigel Farage are not attributed to the [[Twitter]] video in the source] I have been given no explanation or recourse as to why this is happening to me. This is serious political persecution at the very highest level of our system. The establishment are trying to force me out of the UK by closing my bank accounts.&lt;br /&gt;It has certainly made me think — what does this mean for me [...] No one has told me why and the only thing I can think of are the completely false claims made against me using parliamentary privilege.
** Quoted in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/nigel-farages-bank-accounts-closed-without-warning-0dckcq55c &quot;Nigel Farage’s bank accounts closed without warning&quot;] ''The Times'' (30 June 2023)
** The claims made under parliamentary privilege were by Labour MP Chris Bryant in March 2022 (see above).

===2024===
* I did 23 nights in that jungle. And it changed me. I've come out a completely different person [...] Because I am ''not afraid of anything'' now.
* [D]o I want to be an MP? Do I want to spend every Friday for the next five years in Clacton?
** From an interview with [[Decca Aitkenhead]], as cited in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/nigel-farage-the-tories-are-desperate-they-want-to-know-what-ill-do-xw3sbppn7 &quot;Nigel Farage: 'The Tories are desperate. They want to know what I'll do'&quot;], ''The Sunday Times'' (11 February 2024).
** &quot;I did 23 nights&quot; refers to his appearance in the TV show ''[[w:I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here! (British series 23)|I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!]]'' during November and December 2023. At the time, it was being speculated Farage might stand in the constituency of &lt;!-- Clacton-on-Sea is only part of the constituency --&gt;[[w:Clacton (UK Parliament constituency)|Clacton]] in Essex as the [[w:Reform UK|Reform Party]] candidate. A few days before nominations closed, he announced he was standing in the seat at [[w:2024 United Kingdom general election Next United Kingdom general election|the general election]], the eighth time he has attempted to become an MP in the &lt;!-- Former Member of the European Parliament --&gt;Westminster parliament.

* I think if you ask Tory party members right now they'd vote for me to be leader and not [[Rishi Sunak]].
** Speaking on ''[[w:The World at One|The World at One]]'' ([[w:BBC Radio 4|BBC Radio 4]], 16 February 2024), as cited in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-68314953 &quot;Tory members would choose me as leader, says Nigel Farage&quot;], ''BBC News'' (16 February 2024)

* The banking sector, now full of idiots, people are promoted not because of ability, but ethnicity or gender ... The white male – you lot – are going to feel the world's against you. [[Andrew Tate]] tapped into that. You're going to feel the world's against you, you're going to feel resentful and angry ... These are massive cultural battles.
** From a podcast interview on ''Strike It Big'' (February 2024), as cited by Rowena Mason and Ben Quinn in [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/article/2024/jun/20/nigel-farage-andrew-tate-important-voice-men-podcast-interview &quot;Farage said Andrew Tate was 'important voice' for men in podcast interview&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (20 June 2024)
** The ellipsis are in the original.

* There is no Conservative party, it does not exist. Oh, their members are conservative and patriotic, their voters are conservative and patriotic. Their parliamentary party is not. We have [[Jacob Rees-Mogg]]. There are others – like [[Liz Truss]] and [[w:Mark Francois|Mark Francois]] – who have views similar to me. They are a tiny minority.
** Speaking on his GB News programme (14 May 2024), as cited in [https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/could-farage-save-the-tory-right/ &quot;Could Farage save the Tory right?&quot;], ''The Spectator'' (15 May 2024)

* [Could he end up leading the main parliamentary opposition within five years?] It's possible. It never was before, but it's possible now.
* The most poisonous thing that ever happened to Ukip was getting lots of former Tory MPs to join the party and bringing with them their way of doing politics, which is constant warfare and back-stabbing.
** From an interview, as cited in [https://www.thetimes.com/uk/politics/article/nigel-farage-reform-uk-general-election-interview-kfx3spmnp &quot;Nigel Farage: 'Will I be leader of the opposition in five years? It's possible'&quot;], ''The Times'' (7 June 2024)
** Polling for the [[w:2024 United Kingdom general election|2024 general election]] on 4 July was announced on 22 May 2024.

* The Prime Minister has campaigned so woefully that I believe that we are now approaching a tipping point as voters realise that the general election is effectively over. Labour has won. The Conservatives will be in opposition, but not the Opposition.&lt;br /&gt;In their place, Reform UK now intends to be that voice of opposition in parliament and the country.
** [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/06/08/reform-will-be-the-next-opposition-then-government-awaits/ &quot;Mark my words: Reform will be the next opposition, then government awaits&quot;], ''The Telegraph'' (8 June 2024)

* I can only apologise that not all of our candidates have been to [[w:Eton College|Eton]], to [[w:University of Oxford|Oxford]], not all of our candidates are part of the London set.
** Speaking on [[w:LBC|LBC]] (13 June 2024), as cited in [https://www.thetimes.com/uk/politics/article/nigel-farage-reform-uk-candidates-gary-raikes-rhgdzwfn5 &quot;Nigel Farage defends Reform UK candidates who are 'friends' with fascist&quot;], ''The Times'' (13 June 2024).
** &quot;Close to one in ten candidates for the Reform UK party in England was found to be connected on Facebook with [[w:Gary Raikes|Gary Raikes]], the British fascist leader, ''The Times'' found.&quot;

* Have we had trouble with one or two candidates? Yes, we have.&lt;br /&gt;We paid a large sum of money to a well-known vetting company, and they didn't do the work.&lt;br /&gt;We have been stitched up politically, and that's given us problems. And I accept that and I'm sorry for that.
** Speaking on LBC (18 June 2024), as cited in [https://www.standard.co.uk/news/politics/nigel-farage-reform-uk-candidates-vetting-general-election-b1165014.html &quot;Nigel Farage blames 'establishment stitch up' for failing to vet Reform candidates&quot;], ''Evening Standard'' (18 June 2024).
** [https://www.thetimes.com/uk/politics/article/reform-uk-angela-carter-begbie-king-charles-220fnsgb9 ''The Times''] had continued to reveal problematic Reform UK candidates.

* The race thing is even worse. The idea we should give people jobs according to how suntanned they are, the colour of their skin.
* A guy who's my producer at GB News is half Indian. I'm darker than he is!
** From a ''Your Round'' podcast interview (broadcast June 2024), as cited by Rowena Mason and Ben Quinn in [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/article/2024/jun/20/nigel-farage-andrew-tate-important-voice-men-podcast-interview &quot;Farage said Andrew Tate was 'important voice' for men in podcast interview&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (20 June 2024)

* I don't want racism or sectarianism in my party and we will be sorting out candidate selection [...] We do not want to have this problem again.&lt;br /&gt;If we had got 25 we wouldn't have been entirely sure who or what we got. But we have five very solid, sensible people who will be able to really push on and make the case for Reform. There will be no embarrassments and we have the foothold we needed.
** From an interview, as cited in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/farage-reform-tories-power-plan-b2575256.html &quot;Farage does not want ‘Tory poison’ in his party as he plans Reform’s path to power&quot;], ''The Independent'' (6 July 2024)

* We absolutely endorse (Sir Lindsay) entirely for this job. And it is, I must say, in marked contrast to the little man that was there before you and besmirched the office so dreadfully in doing his best to overturn the biggest democratic result in the history of the country.&lt;br /&gt;We support you Sir, fully.
** On the re-election of Sir [[Lindsay Hoyle]] in Farage's Commons maiden speech (9 July 2024), as cited in Claudia Savage [https://www.standard.co.uk/news/politics/nigel-farage-john-bercow-rishi-sunak-parliament-lee-anderson-b1169684.html &quot;Farage hails Reform as ‘new kids on the block’ as leaders thank Speaker&quot;], ''Evening Standard'' (9 July 2024)
** Farage's &quot;little man&quot; is a reference to [[John Bercow]].

===2025===
* Well, I may not necessarily be the best advocate for [monogamous] heterosexuality and or stable marriage, having been divorced twice. But do I think family matters.
* [Reasoning why he had returned to the role of party leader] And I came up with three words: &quot;family, community and country&quot;. They're the things that matter to me about absolutely everything. I have tried, in difficult circumstances, to make sure with both ex-wives that our children have had a stable upbringing, given the circumstances, as they can possibly have.
* Of course we need higher birth rates, but we're not going to get higher birth rates in this country until we can get some sense of optimism.
** At the [[w:Alliance for Responsible Citizenship|Alliance for Responsible Citizenship]] (ARC) conference in London, as cited in [https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/net-zero-is-a-complete-and-utter-disaster-nigel-farage-and-jordan-peterson-in-conversation/ &quot;Nigel Farage and Jordan Peterson in conversation&quot;], ''The Spectator'' (18 February 2025)
** For details missing from the source used, see [https://www.thetimes.com/uk/politics/article/nigel-farage-britons-must-have-more-children-to-save-judeo-christian-culture-nkq60pjwl ''The Times''], [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2025/feb/18/nigel-farage-calls-for-reindustrialisation-of-britain-and-higher-birthrates ''The Guardian''] and the [https://www.ft.com/content/80138c82-2fca-41cd-a3e2-18296b1fb1bf ''Financial Times'']. All these use the word &quot;monogamous&quot; instead of &quot;monotonous&quot;, which is used by ''The Spectator''.

* Suddenly, here in America – after November 5 – there’s optimism, there's an upbeat mood, the beginning of a golden age. And it's all because of one totally extraordinary individual.
* [The Establishment] put [[Donald Trump|Donald J. Trump]] through: years of endless court cases, media abuse, harassment of his family, debanking by financial institutions, and assassination attempts. Yet he has come through it all braver, stronger, and wiser. In my experience, he is simply the bravest man I know. We should all applaud him.
** Speaking at [[w:Conservative Political Action Conference|CPAC]] (21 February 2025), as cited in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/opinion/2025/02/21/what-i-told-the-americans-at-cpac/ &quot;Trump’s legendary comeback has laid the ground for a Reform victory&quot;], ''The Telegraph'' (22 February 2025)

* At the time I was alleged to have made these remarks, one of your most popular weekly shows was the ''[[w:The Black and White Minstrel Show|Black and White Minstrel Show]]''.&lt;br /&gt;The BBC was very happy to use blackface - not just in the ''Black and White Minstrels'', they did it in ''[[w:It Ain't Half Hot Mum|It Ain't Half Hot Mum]]''.
* I cannot put up with the double standards of the BBC about what I'm alleged to have said 49 years ago and what you were putting out on mainstream content.&lt;br /&gt;So I want an apology from the BBC for virtually everything you did throughout the 1970s and 80s.
** At a press conference (4 December 2025), as cited in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cgexg4lz2q5o &quot;Farage accuses BBC of double standards after racism allegations&quot;], ''BBC News'' (4 December 2025).
** ''The Guardian'' ran a sequence of articles [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/ng-interactive/2025/nov/18/deeply-shocking-nigel-farage-faces-fresh-claims-of-racism-and-antisemitism-at-school beginning on 18 November] containing allegations Farage had racially abused Jewish, Asian and African Caribbean pupils at [[w:Dulwich College|Dulwich College]] while attending the school from 1975 to 1982. Farage has denied the accusations which [https://www.channel4.com/news/nigel-farage-ukip-letter-school-concerns-racism-fascism first surfaced in 2013].

===2026–present===
* This money was given to me so that I would be safe and secure for the rest of my life. I have tried and failed in the past to get security funded by the Home Office and I don’t think the state will ever help me.{{Br}}I’m very much on my own and will be for the rest of my life, and I have to face up to that grim reality. Christopher is an ardent supporter who is deeply concerned for my safety.
** Farage defends £5m donation in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2026/05/13/nigel-farage-reform-uk-investigated-standards-donation/ &quot;Farage investigated over £5m gift from crypto billionaire&quot;], ''The Telegraph'' (13 May 2026)

* Across public and economic life, the power of the Government has been brought to bear on tackling ‘inequalities’, in a narrow and specific sense. Anything which is seen to disadvantage a minority group is cracked down on. Anything which benefits a minority and damages the White British is likely to be left alone.
** Quoted in [https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/39407419/nandy-farage-substack-white-people/ &quot;Farage claims UK is ‘anti-white two-tier state’ as he vows to evict foreign nationals from social housing&quot;], ''The Sun'' (14 Jun 2026)

* I thought about it hard and I've decided today I will resign as a member of parliament for Clacton-on-Sea, thereby forcing [[w:2026 Clacton by-election|a byelection]] … I've decided that the people of Clacton should be the judges of my actions.&lt;br /&gt;This will be a people versus the establishment byelection. It's a chance to stick two fingers up to the entire establishment to frankly tell them where to go and that is why I will be putting my name forward to stand in this byelection.&lt;br /&gt;I will fight to win. I will fight to continue the political revolution that Reform has started and I would say this to you, the voters of Clacton: If I win, you win.
** Speech (7 July 2026), as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2026/jul/07/nigel-farage-quits-as-mp-amid-scrunity-over-finances-clacton-reform &quot;Nigel Farage quits as MP amid scrutiny over finances&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (7 July 2026).
** Farage had faced allegations of improper conduct arising from the non-disclosure of donations. The rival parties (Labour, Conservatives, Liberal Democrats, Green, Restore) [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cjdg4y3g0z7o announced they would not stand candidates] at the Clacton by-election.

{{disputed begin}}

== Disputed ==
* One of the most vivid memories of my school life is Farage repeatedly coming up to me and, knowing that I was [[Jewish]], saying [[Hitler]] was right and 'gas 'em', and that was frequently followed by a 'sssss', you know, kind of imitating the sound of escaping gas.{{Br}}That's my abiding memory of him, and that sort of verbal abuse happened quite consistently over the year that we were together in the same class.
** Former classmate quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2dny3r3vyo &quot;Farage's racism denials are dishonest, says ex-classmate&quot;], ''BBC News'' (25 November 2025)
{{disputed end}}

==Quotes about Farage==
:&lt;small&gt;'''In alphabetical order by author or source within time periods.'''&lt;/small&gt;
===1981–2022===
* Now all that's left of Hope and Glory is Brexit champion Nigel Farage’s Union Jack socks and the certainty that the Queen is the last person who still knows how to behave in public.
* This is all good news for Farage, who has capitalized on the boredom most Brits feel with the one-story news-cycle and formed his own Brexit Party to charge off the cliff.
** [[Tina Brown]] [https://time.com/5601975/tina-brown-on-brexit/ &quot;How Britain Lost the Plot Over Brexit&quot;], ''Time'' (6 June 2019).

* One of the most stupid adages for politicians to believe is my enemy's enemy is my friend. [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] closes down the [[Freedom of the press|free press]], jails journalists with impunity and has enriched himself beyond the dreams of [[Imelda Marcos]] and has territorial ambitions. Farage is rapidly becoming the [[Silvio Berlusconi|Berlusconi]] of Britain.
** [[w:Chris Bryant|Chris Bryant]], UK Labour MP, as cited in Patrick Wintour and Rowena Mason [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/mar/31/nigel-farage-relationship-russian-media-scrutiny &quot;Nigel Farage's relationship with Russian media comes under scrutiny&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (31 March 2014).

* Nigel Farage is still trying to whip up fear and hatred towards refugees who are fleeing from conflict. It was extremely ill-judged of him to describe himself as a victim.
** [[Yvette Cooper]], response on Farage's denial for being responsible for whipping up hate against immigrants - [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/nigel-farage-jo-cox-dead-murdered-peston-brexit-eu-referendum-ukip-political-hatred-a7089996.html Nigel Farage says he is a victim of political hatred in response to Jo Cox question] (19 June 2016).

* Another colleague, who teaches the boy, described his publicly professed racist and neo-fascist views; and he cited a particular incident in which Farage was so offensive to a boy in his set, that he had to be removed from the lesson. This master stated his view that this behaviour was precisely why the boy should not be made a prefect. Yet another colleague described how, at a Combined Cadet Force (CCF) camp organised by the college, Farage and others had marched through a quiet Sussex village very late at night shouting Hitler-youth songs.
** Chloe Deakin (1981), as cited in [https://www.channel4.com/news/nigel-farage-ukip-letter-school-concerns-racism-fascism &quot;Nigel Farage schooldays letter reveals concerns over fascism&quot;], ''Channel 4 News'' (19 September 2013).
** Chloe Deakin was then an English teacher at Dulwich College. Farage was made a prefect at the school by then headmaster [[w:David Emms|David Emms]] (to whom the letter was sent) who told Michael Crick of ''Channel 4 News'': &quot;I didn't probe too closely into that naughtiness, but the staff were fed up with his cheekiness and rudeness. They wanted me to expel him, but I saw his potential, made him a prefect, and I was proved right.&quot; [https://www.theguardian.com/news/ng-interactive/2025/dec/28/of-course-he-abused-pupils-ex-dulwich-teacher-speaks-out-about-farage-racism-claims Deakins] wrote about this period in December 2025.

* [Published on the Sunday following the [[w:2015 United Kingdom general election|2015 general election]] results] In a typically graceless gesture, he swept out before the speeches had finished on the pretext that another candidate had not played fair, but as far as I can see, neither did Farage, really, ever. For someone who arrived in politics claiming to be a good bloke, a man of the people, Farage led a strangely vicious, backstabbing, angry and unpleasant campaign, finally going so far as to report me to the Kent police for a &quot;blatant&quot; breach of electoral law (what?) after I joked on ''[[w:Have I Got News for You|Have I Got News for You]]'' that I had spent more time in the constituency than he had.&lt;br /&gt;The comment supposedly broke the law because it misrepresented his campaign — a claim so ridiculous the police rejected the matter before Ukip had put the phone down (this is also a joke and not to be taken literally). But it was the first hint Farage really had lost it.
** [[Camilla Long]] [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/on-the-trail-of-the-biggest-joke-of-all-3vv2j3s56n5 &quot;On the trail of the biggest joke of all&quot;], ''The Sunday Times'' (10 May 2015).
** Farage stood as the [[w:UK Independence Party|Ukip]] candidate in [[w:South Thanet (UK Parliament constituency)|South Thanet]]. BBC News reprinted a statement from Kent Police [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-32531758 on the incident] Farage reported.

* This is not to suggest that there is really such a thing as Faragism. There is just Powellism warmed up. Farage's gift was to refashion [[Enoch Powell]]'s rather extraterrestrial persona as down-to-earth bluff English blokeishness.&lt;br /&gt;Undoubtedly, however, this was a repackaging of old content: Powell’s twin hatreds of immigrants and the EU. Powell visited [[w:Dulwich College|Dulwich College]] in 1982, when Farage was in his final year there. The young man was spellbound. As he later recalled, Powell &quot;dazzled me for once into awestruck silence&quot;. A decade later, when the founder of UKIP, [[w:Alan Sked|Alan Sked]], was contesting [[w:1993 Newbury by-election|a byelection in Berkshire]], it was Farage, as a volunteer, who had the privilege of driving Powell to a rally. This was one of Powell’s last public speeches and one of Farage’s first party political acts. Though it would not have seemed so at the time, it feels in retrospect like a neat moment of apostolic succession. Farage, more than anyone else, reanimated Powell’s undead spirit.
** [[w:Fintan O'Toole|Fintan O'Toole]] [https://www.the-tls.co.uk/articles/one-party-after-another-nigel-farage-michael-crick-book-review-fintan-o-toole/ &quot;When Nigel met Enoch&quot;], ''The Times Literary Supplement'' (4 February 2022).
** From a review of [[w:Michael Crick|Michael Crick]]'s ''One Party After Another'' (Simon &amp; Schuster). [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/ukip-founder-alan-sked-begged-enoch-powell-to-stand-as-a-candidate-9922502.html The direct quote] concerning Enoch Powell is from ''Fighting Bull: the Autobiography of Nigel Farage'' (Biteback, 2010).

* He has been known far longer to the RT audience than most of the British electorate.
** [[w:RT (TV network)|RT]] (formerly Russia Today) publicity material, as cited in Patrick Wintour and Rowena Mason [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/mar/31/nigel-farage-relationship-russian-media-scrutiny &quot;Nigel Farage's relationship with Russian media comes under scrutiny&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (31 March 2014).

* Many people would like to see Nigel Farage represent Great Britain as their Ambassador to the United States. He would do a great job!
** [[Donald Trump]] expressing his admiration for Farage.  [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/nov/22/nigel-farage-uk-ambassador-us-donald-trump Nigel Farage would be great UK ambassador to US, says Donald Trump] (22 November 2016).

* The only winners from a Brexit would be Nigel Farage and [[Vladimir Putin]]; who would relish a divided Europe.
** [[Guy Verhofstadt]], [https://www.politico.eu/article/european-parliament-negotiator-guy-verhofstadts-7-best-brexit-burns/ Guy Verhofstadt’s 7 best Brexit burns] (Quoted in August 2016; Said in February 2016).

* Farage, who earns his living as a City commodity-broker, is a man who often used words such as `nigger' and 'nig-nog' in the pub after committee meetings. 
** [[w:Frances Wheen|Frances Wheen]] [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/13/race.world &quot;The right revs up&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (13 October 1999).

===2024===
* Nigel Farage made a terrific speech in Clacton. In four weeks and three days, he had managed to convince more than 4 million people to vote Reform (only five measly seats, but what a triumph) and in the teeth of media hostility, too. Imagine what he can do in four-and-a-half years as a &quot;bloody nuisance&quot; in the Commons. (Who would dare rule out for him the two initials of MP being reversed in 2029?)
** [[Allison Pearson]] [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/columnists/2024/07/05/general-election-2024-nigel-farage-reform-bbc-itv-sky/ &quot;The elite liberals on our screens could barely stomach that Reform was the big story of the night&quot;], ''The Telegraph'' (5 July 2024).

===2025===
*Before [[Brexit]] we didn't have a small boats problem because we had 27 return agreements with [[European Union]] countries and we could return people. But thanks to Nigel Farage, [[Boris Johnson]] and the Conservatives, we tore up those agreements when we left the European Union, and now we have this problem. I hope when he's on your programme you'll ask him to apologise.
**[[Ed Davey]] quoted in [https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/nigel-farage-should-apologise-role-35944341 &quot;Nigel Farage slapped down for 'Brexit mistake' and given urgent demand&quot;], ''Mirror'' (22 September 2025)

*Nigel is a fiercely independent individual and is extremely good at what we have done so far. He has got messianic qualities. Will those messianic qualities distill into sage leadership? I don't know.
*We [[w:Reform UK|[Reform UK]]] have to change from being a protest party led by the Messiah into being a properly structured party with a frontbench, which we don't have. We have to start behaving as if we are leading and not merely protesting.
**[[w:Rupert Lowe|Rupert Lowe]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c80yd11nm73o.amp &quot;Farage hits back at Reform MP's leadership criticism&quot;], ''BBC News'' (6 March 2025).
** Lowe soon left Reform and founded [[w:Restore Britain|Restore Britain]], a breakaway party, in February 2026.

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commonscat}}
{{conservative intellectuals}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Farage, Nigel}}
[[Category:1964 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Members of the Parliament of the United Kingdom]]
[[Category:Members of the European Parliament]]
[[Category:Monarchists]]
[[Category:UK Independence Party politicians]]
[[Category:Libertarian conservatives]]
[[Category:Critics of the European Union]]
[[Category:Drug policy reform activists]]
[[Category:Businesspeople from England]]
[[Category:Autobiographers from the United Kingdom]]
[[Category:Anglicans from the United Kingdom]]
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[[File:Kuroshitsuji logo.svg|thumb|Logo]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Black Butler|Black Butler]]''''' is a [[w:manga|manga]] written and illustrated by [[w:Yana Toboso|Yana Toboso]]. Since its debut on September 16, 2006, it has been serialized in [[w:Square Enix|Square Enix]]'s [[w:shōnen manga|''shōnen'' manga]] magazine ''[[w:Monthly GFantasy|Monthly GFantasy]]''. The Anime (3 Seasons, Several OVAs) was english Dubbed by FUNimation Entertainment.

==Manga==
=Chapter 129=
'''Ciel''': Again?
'''Mysterious voice''': Oh, it's just you. The fuss had me curious. Really, now! You can't go drenched when it's this cold out. You'll catch a death of cold! But there's no need to worry anymore. I'll never leave your side again. I've come home.
''(coming down the grand staircase is someone who looks just like Ciel, but with no eyepatch)''
'''Ciel''': This can't be real!
'''Baldroy, Mey-Rin and Finny''': The-There are...two young masters?!
'''Mysterious boy''': &quot;It can't be real?&quot; But it is real. I'm here.
'''Finny''': I knew it! I knew something wasn't right when he came home! That's not the young master! He's an imposter!
'''Mysterious boy''': Heh. An imposter? What an odd thing to say. The head of the Phantomhive household, Lord Ciel Phantomhive, is I.

==English Cast==

==Season one==
=S1 E1 His Butler, Able=
'''Sebastian:''' Think carefully. Should you reject the faith, even as once the gates of paradise will forever be out of your reach.
'''Ciel:''' Do you think, one who was among the faithful, would ever go so far to summon someone like you?
'''Sebastian:''' *evil chuckle* I'll ask but once more. Do you wish to form a contract with me?
'''Ciel:''' I do. Now stop asking these tedious questions and let me know if we have a deal.
(Theme song plays)
(setting changes to Ciel's mansion)
'''Sebastian:''' Master, it is time for you to wake up. For breakfast today, we have a lightly poached salmon accompanied by a delicate mint salad. I can also offer toast, scones, or pan decompania. Which dish would you care for this morning?
'''Ciel:''' A scone.
'''Sebastian:''' Today, you have a meeting with Mr. Hughes, the authority on the history of the Roman Empire. And this evening, Mr. Domiano of the Poseidon company will be paying you a visit.
'''Ciel:''' Oh. Is that the man I have in charge of the stuffed animals in my factory in India?
'''Sebastian:''' Yes. I'm told he's Italian. We will of course, offer him all the hospitality the estate can provide.
'''Ciel:''' I know this smell. Is this tea Earl Grey?
'''Sebastian:''' Yes. From Jackson's of Pickinilly. I shall wait for you at dining table, Master.
(''Ciel throws dart at Sebastian, and he catches it with his index and middle finger'')
'''Sebastian:''' Well throw, my Lord. Even so, let's save the games for later.
'''Ciel:''' Yes. I suppose your right Sebastian.
'''Ciel''' (''narrating''): My butler is an able man.
(''Ciel throws dart at Finny'')
'''Finny:''' Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oooowww! What was that for Master? What did I do?
'''Ciel:''' Nothing. I don't need to justify my actions.
'''Finny:''' (''gasp'')
'''Sebastian:''' There you are. (''to Finny'') Have you finished weeding the courtyard, Finny?
'''Finny:''' Uh..
'''Sebastian:''' Mey Rin, have you washed all the bedding?
'''Mey Rin:''' Oh. Um...Well...
'''Sebastian:''' Bardroy, should you be preparing for tonight's dinner?
'''Bardroy:''' Heh..
'''Sebastian:''' Tanaka... well I suppose you're alright as you are.

'''Tanaka:''' He He He

'''Sebastian:''' Now all of you, we have no time for thumb twiddling this morning. '''''SO GET TO WORK!!'''''

''the three servants run out of the room''

'''Sebastian:''' Simply hopeless.

''Ciel walks up stairs. He stops and looks at the picture of his mother and father''

'''Sebastian:''' The silver is polished with spotless shine. The table cloth is crisp, clean and wrinkle free. There is not a single bruised blossom among Master's favorite white roses. And finally, the highest quality ingredients have been gathered to prepare a first rate dinner. The table is perfection. This will be an elegant Phantomhive welcome.

''The Study Bell rings''.

'''Sebastian:''' Still so much to do, and he calls me now.

'''Bardroy:''' A guest is coming. Alright, then this is our chance. Sebastian looks down on us all the time. Today will be so perfect he won't even know hit him. (''makes surprised face'') Yeah, that's what he's gonna say!

(''Mey Rin and Finny make the surprised face.'')

'''Bardroy:''' That's for him to say, not you.

'''Mey Rin:''' Ooh, that's a good idea!

'''Finny:''' Right! We have to stop relying on Sebastian for everything.

'''Bardroy:''' It's settled then. We got a plan of attack.

'''Mey Rin, Bardroy, and Finny:''' Lets get to it!

'''Tanaka:'''  He He He

'''Ciel:''' I'm a bit hungry. I'd like something sweet to eat.

'''Sebastian:''' You shouldn't eat now, Master. You don't want to spoil your appetite for dinner with your guest this evening.

'''Ciel:''' I don't care about that. Make me a parfait.

'''Sebastian:''' I am sorry, Sir.

'''Ciel:''' Fine then. About the portrait in the hallway.

'''Sebastian:''' Yes?

'''Ciel:''' Take it down.

'''Sebastian:''' (''He gasp'')

'''Ciel:''' I am Ciel Phantomhive. Son of Vincent. And I am head of the house now.

'''Sebastian:''' Consider it done, my Lord.

'''Sebastian:''' Now. How exactly (''points at a dead garden'') did this (''points at the broken dishes'') happen (''points at a burned kitchen'')?

'''Finny:''' I thought things would go faster if I used extra strength weed killer on the garden.

'''Mey Rin:''' I was trying to reach the tea set we use for guests, but I tripped and the cabinet fell.

'''Bardroy:''' There was a lot of meat to be cooked for dinner, and it was going to take a long time, so uh I used my flamethrower.

'''Mey Rin and Finny:''' OH WE'RE SO SORRY WE DIDN'T MEAN TO!!

'''Sebastian''' (''thinks''): Our guest will arrive just after six. (''looks at pocket watch'') At most we have two hours left. Not enough time to replace the tea set, or find premium meats. What should I do? (''says'') Calm down, all of you. Perhaps you should try taking a page out of Tanaka's book and start behaving like.. (''looks at Tanaka'') Everyone, listen closely and do exactly as I say. Understand? We must be quick about this. *picks up Tanaka's tea cup* We might save this night yet.

''Wagon pulls in''. 

'''Damiano:''' *gasp* How impressive.

''Shows Japanese style garden''.

'''Servants:''' Hello. Welcome, Sir.

'''Sebastian:''' This is called a stone garden. It is a traditional feature in Japan.

'''Damiano:''' Ah, pradiloso! Wonderful! Truly an elegant garden!

'''Sebastian:''' We thought it appropriate to serve dinner alfresco this evening. Allow me to escort you inside, until the meal is ready.

'''Damiano:''' Hahaha. I should-a expected this from a Phantomhive. I cannot wait to see what else is in store.

''The door closes''

'''Bardroy:''' wipes forehead Whoo, we actually did it.

'''Finny:''' Who woulda thought a dozen bags of gravel could turn into an amazing garden?

'''Sebastian:''' Naturally, we were able to handle this. We serve the Phantomhive family after all. There is still work to be done. Let's take care of it while the Master is talking business with his guest. Look sharp now.

'''Mey Rin, Bardroy and Finny:''' Right!

'''Damiano:''' The progress we've been making with the East India factory is quite astonishing. We already have the making of a top-notch staff.

'''Ciel:''' Bewitched by the eyes of the dead. What terrible luck. It appears I lose a turn, remember?

'''Damiano:''' Hm. Right now, is the perfect time. We should begin expanding the company and building a strong labor-

'''Ciel:''' Go on, it's your turn.

'''Damiano:''' Oh. Yes. I just-a spin this then. Ok there. Five spaces. Now, what I wanted to ask you. But perhaps you could contribute another twelve-thousand pounds to support our expansion? I believe it would be quite a profitable venture for you my Lord. And I would consider it an honor to help expand the Funtom company-

'''Ciel:''' Lose a leg in the Enchanted Forest.

'''Damiano:''' Huh?

'''Ciel:''' And it's your turn again. I lost a turn, remember?

'''Damiano:''' Oh. I see. Right. I move six.

'''Ciel:''' You don't. That's three.

'''Damiano:''' What? But-

'''Ciel:''' You lost a leg, if you recall. Now you only move half the number of spaces.

'''Damiano:''' Oh my. Hahaha. This is a gruesome board game, isn't it? Is there no way for me to restore my leg then?

'''Ciel:''' I'm afraid once something is truly lost Sir, that one could never get it back again.

'''Damiano:''' ''gasp''

'''Ciel:''' Your body is burnt by raging flames.

'''Daminao:''' ''gasp''

'''Sebastian:''' How's it going?

'''Bardroy:''' I'm doing it like you said to. This really what you want?

'''Sebastian:''' Yes. That looks excellent.

'''Mey Rin:''' Sebastian! Found 'em! Hahaha! Whaa!! *Mey Rin trips, losing her grip on the boxes*

(''Sebastian catches all the boxes and Mey Rin'')

'''Sebastian:''' Oh, honestly.

'''Mey Rin:''' *blush*

'''Sebastian:''' How many times have I told you not to run inside the manor Mey Rin?

'''Mey Rin:''' ''backs away'' Oh! I'm so sorry Sir! My glasses cracked and I can't see a thing!

'''Sebastian:''' These are the last items we needed for dinner. Splendid work everyone. But now I believe you can leave the rest of it to me and relax for a bit. But I need you to do well, VERY WELL, during dinner tonight.

'''Bardroy:''' He said it twice.

'''Finny:''' Ooh, that's serious.

'''Sebastian:''' Pardon the interruption, but dinner is served.

'''Damiano:''' Oh. Dining out in the exquisite stone garden. Shall we go my Lord?

'''Ciel:''' Very well. We'll finish the game later.

'''Daminao:''' Oh. Is there any real need to finish it? It's-a obvious I'm-a going to lose.

'''Ciel:''' I'm not in the habit of abandoning a game half-way through.

'''Daminao:''' ''mumbles'' How childish.

''Ciel looks at him.''

'''Damiano:''' I-I-I mean sometimes it takes a child's eyes to see what's really important. It's a true gift. Maybe that's what made the Phantomhive's dinations for most toy makers. It's certainly impresses me.

'''Sebastian:''' On tonight's menu is a dish of finely sliced raw beef Danbury courtesy of our chef Bardroy.

'''Damiano:''' A pile of raw beef. And this is dinner?

'''Sebastian:''' Yes. But surely you have heard of it. This good Sir is a traditional Japanese delicacy. A dish offered as a sign of gratitude to someone who has accomplished important work. That is the wonder of Dongpoi!

'''Damiano:''' Oh Dongpoi!

'''Sebastian:''' This is a token from our Master. To show his thanks for all your hard work on the company's behalf. He wanted you to know that its much appreciated.

'''Finny''' (whispers): Now that's our Sebastian for you.

'''Bardroy''' (whispers): He saved the day.

'''Tanaka''' (whispers): Hohoho.

'''Damiano:''' Excellent! What an inspired idea! The legendary Phantomhive hospitality in action.

'''Sebastian:''' The vintage we are pouring tonight was specially selected to compliment the flavor of Soy Sauce. Mey Rin.

'''Mey Rin:''' …

'''Sebastian:''' Now Mey Rin.

'''Mey Rin:''' Oh. Yes Sir.

'''Sebastian:''' (''whispers moves in, close to Mey Rin's ear'') Why are you just standing there? Pour the man a glass of wine.

'''Mey Rin:''' (''blush'') O-of course. Yes Sir.

Bardroy (whispers): Ey.

Finny (whispers): What?

Bardroy (whispers): Is it just me, or is Mey Rin acting a little strange?

Mey Rin: Sebastian's watching me. I can't take it. Don't look at me that way.

*Mey Rin spills the wine on the tablecloth. *

Finny (whispers): Mey Rin, stop it! Can't you see your spilling the wine!?
*Sebastian pulls the tablecloth, not letting a single drop spill onto the ground*

Damiano: Oh. Huh? Where did the table-a cloth go?

Ciel: A speck of dirt. Most unsightly. I had the cloth removed so it wouldn't distract us. Think nothing of it.

Sebastian: Please except my apology Sir. Do continue. Enjoy the meal at your leisure.

Daminao: Oh. Oh my. Hahaha! Lord Phantomhive, once again you have truly impressed me. What an able butler you have acquired.

Ciel: Pay him no mind. He merely acted as befits one of my servants.
Sebastian: My Master is quite correct about that. Naturally, you see I am simply one hell of a butler.

Damiano: That was a thoroughly enjoyable dinner, my Lord. Now then, about the contract.

Ciel: Before we discuss that, we must finish the game.

Damiano: Uh... yes of course. I do have a pressing appointment. Perhaps another ti-

Ciel: Children can be very demanding about their games. Surely you wouldn't want to be to get upset.

Damiano: No. No of course not. Perhaps you would permit me to use your telephone?

(''Sebastian bumps into Damiano as he steps out of the room.'')

'''Sebastian:''' I've brought some tea for you and my Lord.

'''Damiano:''' I'll be right back.

(''Ciel gives his tea an angry look.'')

'''Ciel:''' What is this? It smells terribly weak.

'''Sebastian:''' Out of our consideration for our guest, I brought some Italian tea.

'''Ciel:''' Italian?

'''Sebastian:''' Italians drink more coffee than tea, Sir. So, finding high quality Italian tea can be difficult. This particular selection is not to your liking Master?

'''Ciel:''' No. It is not. I don't like it at all.

'''Sebastian:''' I'll see to the dessert preparations.

'''Ciel:''' Good. We must show him every available hospitality. The Phantomhive family is known for its courtesy.

'''Sebastian:''' Yes, my young Lord.

'''Daminao:''' I'm-a tired of babysitting this child Earl. Yes. I already sold off the factory. Now all that's left is to pocket the extra cash. I'm trying to squeeze more out of the brat right now. Employees? Who cares about them. *he gasp* Ah, never mind. The rest of the formalities are for you to deal with. No. It'll be easy. Please, he's only a child.

''(As Damiano walks up the stairs, he stops and looks at the picture of Ciel's mother and Father. He sees a freaky ghost thing that scares him on Vincent's face (Vincent is Ciel's dad.) The ghost thing looks at him, and he wipes the sweat off his face. He looks at the picture again, and the ghost thing is not there.)''

'''Damiano:''' Impossible. I'm-a seeing things.

(''Ciel's voice echoes in his mind saying, Bewitched by the eyes of the dead.'')

'''Damiano:''' ''gasp'' No. That's ridiculous.

''Damiano searches through the mansion trying to find the room where he was before.''

'''Damiano:''' Oh. Not here either. Or here. This manor is like a giant maze. I can't even find the drawing room.

''Ciel's voice echoes once again. Bewitched by the eyes of the dead.''

''Damiano hears a floorboard creak. He sees a ghostly figure walking towards him. He runs away as fast as he can''. 

'''Damiano:''' S-stay away from me!

'''Finny:''' That's odd. Was that our guest I heard just now?

'''Bardroy''': Ey! We need to move this! Or Sebastian will start yelling again!

'''Finny:''' Right!

'''Mey Rin:''' Oooh! How embarrassing! I really messed up this time! Oh, at least I was able to get close to Sebastian. Oh, what a shameful day throe! What kind of lecherous maid am I!?

*Damiano is running as fast as he can when he hears Ciel's voice echo once again saying, You lose one turn. He falls and injured his right leg.*

Mey Rin: Oh! Sir! Are you alright!? *gasp* His right leg. It's twisted round! What happened to it!?

Bardroy: Hey! What's wrong?

Mey Rin: Our guest! Somethings happened!

*Damiano sees the ghostly figure once again, and he hears Ciel's voice say, And now you lose one leg in the enchanted forest. *

Damiano: *gasp*

*He crawls away. *

Mey Rin: Sir? Um, Sir? Come back?

*As he is crawling, he bumps into Sebastian*

Sebastian: Surely you aren't leaving the manor yet, Sir?

Damiano: Ah!

Sebastian: We haven't given you the full Phantomhive treatment yet. We still have to serve dessert.

*Damiano crawls away from Sebastian*

Sebastian: You've lost a leg, remember? Now you can only move half the number of spaces. So why not just relax a bit and make yourself at home?

*Damiano hides in a room and closes the door*

Damiano: Damn. It's too dark.

*He hears Sebastian's footsteps*

Damiano: Is this a cupboard?

*He crawls inside. Sebastian comes through the door. *

Damiano: Damn. These are really tight quarters. *squish* What's this? *sniff* Smells like sugar.

Sebastian: What an impatient guest we have. You couldn't even restrain yourself until dessert was out of the oven.

Damiano: The-the oven!? Open up! Please, open-a the door!

Sebastian: Hm. Italians aren't familiar with our customs. There is plum pudding. Mincemeat pie. There are many traditional desserts in England that make use of meat. I find them all quite tasty.

*Ciel's voice echoes again saying, Your body is burnt by raging flames.*
Damiano: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Bardroy: What was that? Someone screamed.

Finny: Don't know. Oh. Hi Sebastian.

Sebastian: Thank you for your hard work today. As a reward, how would you like some Lemon Meringue Pie? The sugar will give you energy.

Finny and Bardroy: Huh? God bless you Sebastian! Thank you so much! Thank you! Thank you!

Sebastian: Oh, yes. And Bard. A workman will be coming by in the morning. When he arrives, kindly let him know that we need our oven thoroughly cleaned.

Bardroy: Huh? The oven?

Sebastian: Mr. Damiano. I hope you enjoyed your stay. And the Phantomhive family's hospitality. All the way down to your bones.

Damiano: MAMA MIA!!!!!

Ciel: *evil chuckle* What an unattractive scream. He sounds almost like a pig taken off to slaughter. Hm. What presumption. First, he sells the East Indian factory without telling me. And then he dares to ask for more money. Did he think to retain my trust...I'm afraid once something is truly lost, one can never get it back again.

Sebastian: It would appear we'll be needing to hang new wallpaper as well.

*Mirage of young Ciel and his family appear*

Young Ciel: *laughter* Mama. Papa.

*Mirage disappears as Sebastian snaps his fingers*

Sebastian: The new head of the Phantomhive Estate. Huh.

==S1 E2 His Butler, Strongest [1.2]==

:'''Baldroy''': Bloody hell, this wire is done for.
:'''Mey-Rin''': Oh. Not the rats again
:'''Baldroy''': This is getting ridiculous. I mean I heard they'd been plagued in London lately, but I never expected them to be such a problem this far out the city
:'''Rat''': [Squeaks] 
:'''All''': Scream.
: Finnian grabs statue and swings*
:'''Finnian''': Now I've got you.
:'''All''': Scream&lt;br/&gt; 
:'''Finnian''': Looks like it got away
:'''Baldroy''': What are you laughing for? Are you trying to kill us too you idiot
:'''Finnian''': Looks there's another one.
:'''Baldroy''': That's it. 
:'''Arthur Randall''': Quite the commotion going on out there. It seems you are experiencing a rat problem as well.
:'''Man 2:''' Speaking of which how long will you let the vermin run wild? Filthy monsters. Someone really ought to take care of them. Don't you think?
:'''Lau:''' And someone will. He's just waiting for the opportune moment 
:'''Madam Red:''' Indeed. He prefers to settle things with one blow. Will you pass on this turn too? 
:'''Ciel''': I'll pass. It's my policy not to shoot if I know that I'll miss.
:'''Arthur Randall''': That's all very well but when will you handle the problem?  
:'''Ciel''': Any time you like. The rats will soon come looking for their forbidden cheese and I hold the key to the store house...Even so locating the nest and eliminating the vermin promises to be a tedious task. You should concentrate on preparing me a suitable reward 
:'''Arthur Randall''': You're a vulture.
:'''Ciel''': Sir Randall! I'd be careful how you smear my family name.
:'''Azzurro Vanel:''' Ha! You're in trouble now Randall. What next Lord Phantomhive?
:'''Ciel''': It's time to put an end to this worthless game. Don't you think? How soon can you secure the payment?
:''Arthur''': Tonight. I'll have it by then.
:'''Ciel''': Then I'll send a carriage for you later. When can even prepare some light entertainment for you. Does that sound good?
:'''Man 2''': You pass your turn twice and now you are after them all in one go?
:'''Ciel:''' Naturally.
:'''Arthur:''' Careful your greed will undo you&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Ciel:''' Am I undone?

==Season Two==

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|1316554}}
* [https://quotesdom.com/anime/kuroshitsuji-black-butler Black Butler] quotes at QuotesDom.com

[[Category:Japanese TV shows]]
[[Category:Anime and manga series]]</text>
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[[File:Kuroshitsuji logo.svg|thumb|Logo]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Black Butler|Black Butler]]''''' is a [[w:manga|manga]] written and illustrated by [[w:Yana Toboso|Yana Toboso]]. Since its debut on September 16, 2006, it has been serialized in [[w:Square Enix|Square Enix]]'s [[w:shōnen manga|''shōnen'' manga]] magazine ''[[w:Monthly GFantasy|Monthly GFantasy]]''. The Anime (3 Seasons, Several OVAs) was english Dubbed by FUNimation Entertainment.

==Manga==
=Chapter 129=
* '''Ciel''': Again?
* '''Mysterious voice''': Oh, it's just you. The fuss had me curious. Really, now! You can't go drenched when it's this cold out. You'll catch a death of cold! But there's no need to worry anymore. I'll never leave your side again. I've come home.
* ''(coming down the grand staircase is someone who looks just like Ciel, but with no eyepatch)''
* '''Ciel''': This can't be real!
* '''Baldroy, Mey-Rin and Finny''': The-There are...two young masters?!
* '''Mysterious boy''': &quot;It can't be real?&quot; But it is real. I'm here.
* '''Finny''': I knew it! I knew something wasn't right when he came home! That's not the young master! He's an imposter!
* '''Mysterious boy''': Heh. An imposter? What an odd thing to say. The head of the Phantomhive household, Lord Ciel Phantomhive, is I.

==English Cast==

==Season one==
=S1 E1 His Butler, Able=
'''Sebastian:''' Think carefully. Should you reject the faith, even as once the gates of paradise will forever be out of your reach.
'''Ciel:''' Do you think, one who was among the faithful, would ever go so far to summon someone like you?
'''Sebastian:''' *evil chuckle* I'll ask but once more. Do you wish to form a contract with me?
'''Ciel:''' I do. Now stop asking these tedious questions and let me know if we have a deal.
(Theme song plays)
(setting changes to Ciel's mansion)
'''Sebastian:''' Master, it is time for you to wake up. For breakfast today, we have a lightly poached salmon accompanied by a delicate mint salad. I can also offer toast, scones, or pan decompania. Which dish would you care for this morning?
'''Ciel:''' A scone.
'''Sebastian:''' Today, you have a meeting with Mr. Hughes, the authority on the history of the Roman Empire. And this evening, Mr. Domiano of the Poseidon company will be paying you a visit.
'''Ciel:''' Oh. Is that the man I have in charge of the stuffed animals in my factory in India?
'''Sebastian:''' Yes. I'm told he's Italian. We will of course, offer him all the hospitality the estate can provide.
'''Ciel:''' I know this smell. Is this tea Earl Grey?
'''Sebastian:''' Yes. From Jackson's of Pickinilly. I shall wait for you at dining table, Master.
(''Ciel throws dart at Sebastian, and he catches it with his index and middle finger'')
'''Sebastian:''' Well throw, my Lord. Even so, let's save the games for later.
'''Ciel:''' Yes. I suppose your right Sebastian.
'''Ciel''' (''narrating''): My butler is an able man.
(''Ciel throws dart at Finny'')
'''Finny:''' Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oooowww! What was that for Master? What did I do?
'''Ciel:''' Nothing. I don't need to justify my actions.
'''Finny:''' (''gasp'')
'''Sebastian:''' There you are. (''to Finny'') Have you finished weeding the courtyard, Finny?
'''Finny:''' Uh..
'''Sebastian:''' Mey Rin, have you washed all the bedding?
'''Mey Rin:''' Oh. Um...Well...
'''Sebastian:''' Bardroy, should you be preparing for tonight's dinner?
'''Bardroy:''' Heh..
'''Sebastian:''' Tanaka... well I suppose you're alright as you are.

'''Tanaka:''' He He He

'''Sebastian:''' Now all of you, we have no time for thumb twiddling this morning. '''''SO GET TO WORK!!'''''

''the three servants run out of the room''

'''Sebastian:''' Simply hopeless.

''Ciel walks up stairs. He stops and looks at the picture of his mother and father''

'''Sebastian:''' The silver is polished with spotless shine. The table cloth is crisp, clean and wrinkle free. There is not a single bruised blossom among Master's favorite white roses. And finally, the highest quality ingredients have been gathered to prepare a first rate dinner. The table is perfection. This will be an elegant Phantomhive welcome.

''The Study Bell rings''.

'''Sebastian:''' Still so much to do, and he calls me now.

'''Bardroy:''' A guest is coming. Alright, then this is our chance. Sebastian looks down on us all the time. Today will be so perfect he won't even know hit him. (''makes surprised face'') Yeah, that's what he's gonna say!

(''Mey Rin and Finny make the surprised face.'')

'''Bardroy:''' That's for him to say, not you.

'''Mey Rin:''' Ooh, that's a good idea!

'''Finny:''' Right! We have to stop relying on Sebastian for everything.

'''Bardroy:''' It's settled then. We got a plan of attack.

'''Mey Rin, Bardroy, and Finny:''' Lets get to it!

'''Tanaka:'''  He He He

'''Ciel:''' I'm a bit hungry. I'd like something sweet to eat.

'''Sebastian:''' You shouldn't eat now, Master. You don't want to spoil your appetite for dinner with your guest this evening.

'''Ciel:''' I don't care about that. Make me a parfait.

'''Sebastian:''' I am sorry, Sir.

'''Ciel:''' Fine then. About the portrait in the hallway.

'''Sebastian:''' Yes?

'''Ciel:''' Take it down.

'''Sebastian:''' (''He gasp'')

'''Ciel:''' I am Ciel Phantomhive. Son of Vincent. And I am head of the house now.

'''Sebastian:''' Consider it done, my Lord.

'''Sebastian:''' Now. How exactly (''points at a dead garden'') did this (''points at the broken dishes'') happen (''points at a burned kitchen'')?

'''Finny:''' I thought things would go faster if I used extra strength weed killer on the garden.

'''Mey Rin:''' I was trying to reach the tea set we use for guests, but I tripped and the cabinet fell.

'''Bardroy:''' There was a lot of meat to be cooked for dinner, and it was going to take a long time, so uh I used my flamethrower.

'''Mey Rin and Finny:''' OH WE'RE SO SORRY WE DIDN'T MEAN TO!!

'''Sebastian''' (''thinks''): Our guest will arrive just after six. (''looks at pocket watch'') At most we have two hours left. Not enough time to replace the tea set, or find premium meats. What should I do? (''says'') Calm down, all of you. Perhaps you should try taking a page out of Tanaka's book and start behaving like.. (''looks at Tanaka'') Everyone, listen closely and do exactly as I say. Understand? We must be quick about this. *picks up Tanaka's tea cup* We might save this night yet.

''Wagon pulls in''. 

'''Damiano:''' *gasp* How impressive.

''Shows Japanese style garden''.

'''Servants:''' Hello. Welcome, Sir.

'''Sebastian:''' This is called a stone garden. It is a traditional feature in Japan.

'''Damiano:''' Ah, pradiloso! Wonderful! Truly an elegant garden!

'''Sebastian:''' We thought it appropriate to serve dinner alfresco this evening. Allow me to escort you inside, until the meal is ready.

'''Damiano:''' Hahaha. I should-a expected this from a Phantomhive. I cannot wait to see what else is in store.

''The door closes''

'''Bardroy:''' wipes forehead Whoo, we actually did it.

'''Finny:''' Who woulda thought a dozen bags of gravel could turn into an amazing garden?

'''Sebastian:''' Naturally, we were able to handle this. We serve the Phantomhive family after all. There is still work to be done. Let's take care of it while the Master is talking business with his guest. Look sharp now.

'''Mey Rin, Bardroy and Finny:''' Right!

'''Damiano:''' The progress we've been making with the East India factory is quite astonishing. We already have the making of a top-notch staff.

'''Ciel:''' Bewitched by the eyes of the dead. What terrible luck. It appears I lose a turn, remember?

'''Damiano:''' Hm. Right now, is the perfect time. We should begin expanding the company and building a strong labor-

'''Ciel:''' Go on, it's your turn.

'''Damiano:''' Oh. Yes. I just-a spin this then. Ok there. Five spaces. Now, what I wanted to ask you. But perhaps you could contribute another twelve-thousand pounds to support our expansion? I believe it would be quite a profitable venture for you my Lord. And I would consider it an honor to help expand the Funtom company-

'''Ciel:''' Lose a leg in the Enchanted Forest.

'''Damiano:''' Huh?

'''Ciel:''' And it's your turn again. I lost a turn, remember?

'''Damiano:''' Oh. I see. Right. I move six.

'''Ciel:''' You don't. That's three.

'''Damiano:''' What? But-

'''Ciel:''' You lost a leg, if you recall. Now you only move half the number of spaces.

'''Damiano:''' Oh my. Hahaha. This is a gruesome board game, isn't it? Is there no way for me to restore my leg then?

'''Ciel:''' I'm afraid once something is truly lost Sir, that one could never get it back again.

'''Damiano:''' ''gasp''

'''Ciel:''' Your body is burnt by raging flames.

'''Daminao:''' ''gasp''

'''Sebastian:''' How's it going?

'''Bardroy:''' I'm doing it like you said to. This really what you want?

'''Sebastian:''' Yes. That looks excellent.

'''Mey Rin:''' Sebastian! Found 'em! Hahaha! Whaa!! *Mey Rin trips, losing her grip on the boxes*

(''Sebastian catches all the boxes and Mey Rin'')

'''Sebastian:''' Oh, honestly.

'''Mey Rin:''' *blush*

'''Sebastian:''' How many times have I told you not to run inside the manor Mey Rin?

'''Mey Rin:''' ''backs away'' Oh! I'm so sorry Sir! My glasses cracked and I can't see a thing!

'''Sebastian:''' These are the last items we needed for dinner. Splendid work everyone. But now I believe you can leave the rest of it to me and relax for a bit. But I need you to do well, VERY WELL, during dinner tonight.

'''Bardroy:''' He said it twice.

'''Finny:''' Ooh, that's serious.

'''Sebastian:''' Pardon the interruption, but dinner is served.

'''Damiano:''' Oh. Dining out in the exquisite stone garden. Shall we go my Lord?

'''Ciel:''' Very well. We'll finish the game later.

'''Daminao:''' Oh. Is there any real need to finish it? It's-a obvious I'm-a going to lose.

'''Ciel:''' I'm not in the habit of abandoning a game half-way through.

'''Daminao:''' ''mumbles'' How childish.

''Ciel looks at him.''

'''Damiano:''' I-I-I mean sometimes it takes a child's eyes to see what's really important. It's a true gift. Maybe that's what made the Phantomhive's dinations for most toy makers. It's certainly impresses me.

'''Sebastian:''' On tonight's menu is a dish of finely sliced raw beef Danbury courtesy of our chef Bardroy.

'''Damiano:''' A pile of raw beef. And this is dinner?

'''Sebastian:''' Yes. But surely you have heard of it. This good Sir is a traditional Japanese delicacy. A dish offered as a sign of gratitude to someone who has accomplished important work. That is the wonder of Dongpoi!

'''Damiano:''' Oh Dongpoi!

'''Sebastian:''' This is a token from our Master. To show his thanks for all your hard work on the company's behalf. He wanted you to know that its much appreciated.

'''Finny''' (whispers): Now that's our Sebastian for you.

'''Bardroy''' (whispers): He saved the day.

'''Tanaka''' (whispers): Hohoho.

'''Damiano:''' Excellent! What an inspired idea! The legendary Phantomhive hospitality in action.

'''Sebastian:''' The vintage we are pouring tonight was specially selected to compliment the flavor of Soy Sauce. Mey Rin.

'''Mey Rin:''' …

'''Sebastian:''' Now Mey Rin.

'''Mey Rin:''' Oh. Yes Sir.

'''Sebastian:''' (''whispers moves in, close to Mey Rin's ear'') Why are you just standing there? Pour the man a glass of wine.

'''Mey Rin:''' (''blush'') O-of course. Yes Sir.

Bardroy (whispers): Ey.

Finny (whispers): What?

Bardroy (whispers): Is it just me, or is Mey Rin acting a little strange?

Mey Rin: Sebastian's watching me. I can't take it. Don't look at me that way.

*Mey Rin spills the wine on the tablecloth. *

Finny (whispers): Mey Rin, stop it! Can't you see your spilling the wine!?
*Sebastian pulls the tablecloth, not letting a single drop spill onto the ground*

Damiano: Oh. Huh? Where did the table-a cloth go?

Ciel: A speck of dirt. Most unsightly. I had the cloth removed so it wouldn't distract us. Think nothing of it.

Sebastian: Please except my apology Sir. Do continue. Enjoy the meal at your leisure.

Daminao: Oh. Oh my. Hahaha! Lord Phantomhive, once again you have truly impressed me. What an able butler you have acquired.

Ciel: Pay him no mind. He merely acted as befits one of my servants.
Sebastian: My Master is quite correct about that. Naturally, you see I am simply one hell of a butler.

Damiano: That was a thoroughly enjoyable dinner, my Lord. Now then, about the contract.

Ciel: Before we discuss that, we must finish the game.

Damiano: Uh... yes of course. I do have a pressing appointment. Perhaps another ti-

Ciel: Children can be very demanding about their games. Surely you wouldn't want to be to get upset.

Damiano: No. No of course not. Perhaps you would permit me to use your telephone?

(''Sebastian bumps into Damiano as he steps out of the room.'')

'''Sebastian:''' I've brought some tea for you and my Lord.

'''Damiano:''' I'll be right back.

(''Ciel gives his tea an angry look.'')

'''Ciel:''' What is this? It smells terribly weak.

'''Sebastian:''' Out of our consideration for our guest, I brought some Italian tea.

'''Ciel:''' Italian?

'''Sebastian:''' Italians drink more coffee than tea, Sir. So, finding high quality Italian tea can be difficult. This particular selection is not to your liking Master?

'''Ciel:''' No. It is not. I don't like it at all.

'''Sebastian:''' I'll see to the dessert preparations.

'''Ciel:''' Good. We must show him every available hospitality. The Phantomhive family is known for its courtesy.

'''Sebastian:''' Yes, my young Lord.

'''Daminao:''' I'm-a tired of babysitting this child Earl. Yes. I already sold off the factory. Now all that's left is to pocket the extra cash. I'm trying to squeeze more out of the brat right now. Employees? Who cares about them. *he gasp* Ah, never mind. The rest of the formalities are for you to deal with. No. It'll be easy. Please, he's only a child.

''(As Damiano walks up the stairs, he stops and looks at the picture of Ciel's mother and Father. He sees a freaky ghost thing that scares him on Vincent's face (Vincent is Ciel's dad.) The ghost thing looks at him, and he wipes the sweat off his face. He looks at the picture again, and the ghost thing is not there.)''

'''Damiano:''' Impossible. I'm-a seeing things.

(''Ciel's voice echoes in his mind saying, Bewitched by the eyes of the dead.'')

'''Damiano:''' ''gasp'' No. That's ridiculous.

''Damiano searches through the mansion trying to find the room where he was before.''

'''Damiano:''' Oh. Not here either. Or here. This manor is like a giant maze. I can't even find the drawing room.

''Ciel's voice echoes once again. Bewitched by the eyes of the dead.''

''Damiano hears a floorboard creak. He sees a ghostly figure walking towards him. He runs away as fast as he can''. 

'''Damiano:''' S-stay away from me!

'''Finny:''' That's odd. Was that our guest I heard just now?

'''Bardroy''': Ey! We need to move this! Or Sebastian will start yelling again!

'''Finny:''' Right!

'''Mey Rin:''' Oooh! How embarrassing! I really messed up this time! Oh, at least I was able to get close to Sebastian. Oh, what a shameful day throe! What kind of lecherous maid am I!?

*Damiano is running as fast as he can when he hears Ciel's voice echo once again saying, You lose one turn. He falls and injured his right leg.*

Mey Rin: Oh! Sir! Are you alright!? *gasp* His right leg. It's twisted round! What happened to it!?

Bardroy: Hey! What's wrong?

Mey Rin: Our guest! Somethings happened!

*Damiano sees the ghostly figure once again, and he hears Ciel's voice say, And now you lose one leg in the enchanted forest. *

Damiano: *gasp*

*He crawls away. *

Mey Rin: Sir? Um, Sir? Come back?

*As he is crawling, he bumps into Sebastian*

Sebastian: Surely you aren't leaving the manor yet, Sir?

Damiano: Ah!

Sebastian: We haven't given you the full Phantomhive treatment yet. We still have to serve dessert.

*Damiano crawls away from Sebastian*

Sebastian: You've lost a leg, remember? Now you can only move half the number of spaces. So why not just relax a bit and make yourself at home?

*Damiano hides in a room and closes the door*

Damiano: Damn. It's too dark.

*He hears Sebastian's footsteps*

Damiano: Is this a cupboard?

*He crawls inside. Sebastian comes through the door. *

Damiano: Damn. These are really tight quarters. *squish* What's this? *sniff* Smells like sugar.

Sebastian: What an impatient guest we have. You couldn't even restrain yourself until dessert was out of the oven.

Damiano: The-the oven!? Open up! Please, open-a the door!

Sebastian: Hm. Italians aren't familiar with our customs. There is plum pudding. Mincemeat pie. There are many traditional desserts in England that make use of meat. I find them all quite tasty.

*Ciel's voice echoes again saying, Your body is burnt by raging flames.*
Damiano: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Bardroy: What was that? Someone screamed.

Finny: Don't know. Oh. Hi Sebastian.

Sebastian: Thank you for your hard work today. As a reward, how would you like some Lemon Meringue Pie? The sugar will give you energy.

Finny and Bardroy: Huh? God bless you Sebastian! Thank you so much! Thank you! Thank you!

Sebastian: Oh, yes. And Bard. A workman will be coming by in the morning. When he arrives, kindly let him know that we need our oven thoroughly cleaned.

Bardroy: Huh? The oven?

Sebastian: Mr. Damiano. I hope you enjoyed your stay. And the Phantomhive family's hospitality. All the way down to your bones.

Damiano: MAMA MIA!!!!!

Ciel: *evil chuckle* What an unattractive scream. He sounds almost like a pig taken off to slaughter. Hm. What presumption. First, he sells the East Indian factory without telling me. And then he dares to ask for more money. Did he think to retain my trust...I'm afraid once something is truly lost, one can never get it back again.

Sebastian: It would appear we'll be needing to hang new wallpaper as well.

*Mirage of young Ciel and his family appear*

Young Ciel: *laughter* Mama. Papa.

*Mirage disappears as Sebastian snaps his fingers*

Sebastian: The new head of the Phantomhive Estate. Huh.

==S1 E2 His Butler, Strongest [1.2]==

:'''Baldroy''': Bloody hell, this wire is done for.
:'''Mey-Rin''': Oh. Not the rats again
:'''Baldroy''': This is getting ridiculous. I mean I heard they'd been plagued in London lately, but I never expected them to be such a problem this far out the city
:'''Rat''': [Squeaks] 
:'''All''': Scream.
: Finnian grabs statue and swings*
:'''Finnian''': Now I've got you.
:'''All''': Scream&lt;br/&gt; 
:'''Finnian''': Looks like it got away
:'''Baldroy''': What are you laughing for? Are you trying to kill us too you idiot
:'''Finnian''': Looks there's another one.
:'''Baldroy''': That's it. 
:'''Arthur Randall''': Quite the commotion going on out there. It seems you are experiencing a rat problem as well.
:'''Man 2:''' Speaking of which how long will you let the vermin run wild? Filthy monsters. Someone really ought to take care of them. Don't you think?
:'''Lau:''' And someone will. He's just waiting for the opportune moment 
:'''Madam Red:''' Indeed. He prefers to settle things with one blow. Will you pass on this turn too? 
:'''Ciel''': I'll pass. It's my policy not to shoot if I know that I'll miss.
:'''Arthur Randall''': That's all very well but when will you handle the problem?  
:'''Ciel''': Any time you like. The rats will soon come looking for their forbidden cheese and I hold the key to the store house...Even so locating the nest and eliminating the vermin promises to be a tedious task. You should concentrate on preparing me a suitable reward 
:'''Arthur Randall''': You're a vulture.
:'''Ciel''': Sir Randall! I'd be careful how you smear my family name.
:'''Azzurro Vanel:''' Ha! You're in trouble now Randall. What next Lord Phantomhive?
:'''Ciel''': It's time to put an end to this worthless game. Don't you think? How soon can you secure the payment?
:''Arthur''': Tonight. I'll have it by then.
:'''Ciel''': Then I'll send a carriage for you later. When can even prepare some light entertainment for you. Does that sound good?
:'''Man 2''': You pass your turn twice and now you are after them all in one go?
:'''Ciel:''' Naturally.
:'''Arthur:''' Careful your greed will undo you&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Ciel:''' Am I undone?

==Season Two==

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|1316554}}
* [https://quotesdom.com/anime/kuroshitsuji-black-butler Black Butler] quotes at QuotesDom.com

[[Category:Japanese TV shows]]
[[Category:Anime and manga series]]</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963310</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-07-11T11:44:15Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>RootOfAllLight</username>
        <id>2946825</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Chapter 129 */</comment>
      <origin>3963310</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="20639" sha1="idgqi5sysq4ae8oxxaw6snxbu5kd22t" xml:space="preserve">{{comics-cleanup|2011-12-01}}
[[File:Kuroshitsuji logo.svg|thumb|Logo]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Black Butler|Black Butler]]''''' is a [[w:manga|manga]] written and illustrated by [[w:Yana Toboso|Yana Toboso]]. Since its debut on September 16, 2006, it has been serialized in [[w:Square Enix|Square Enix]]'s [[w:shōnen manga|''shōnen'' manga]] magazine ''[[w:Monthly GFantasy|Monthly GFantasy]]''. The Anime (3 Seasons, Several OVAs) was english Dubbed by FUNimation Entertainment.

==Manga==
=Chapter 129=
:'''Ciel''': Again?
:'''Mysterious voice''': Oh, it's just you. The fuss had me curious. Really, now! You can't go drenched when it's this cold out. You'll catch a death of cold! But there's no need to worry anymore. I'll never leave your side again. I've come home.
:''(coming down the grand staircase is someone who looks just like Ciel, but with no eyepatch)''
:'''Ciel''': This can't be real!
:'''Baldroy, Mey-Rin and Finny''': The-There are...two young masters?!
:'''Mysterious boy''': &quot;It can't be real?&quot; But it is real. I'm here.
:'''Finny''': I knew it! I knew something wasn't right when he came home! That's not the young master! He's an imposter!
:'''Mysterious boy''': Heh. An imposter? What an odd thing to say. The head of the Phantomhive household, Lord Ciel Phantomhive, is I.

==English Cast==

==Season one==

=S1 E1 His Butler, Able=
'''Sebastian:''' Think carefully. Should you reject the faith, even as once the gates of paradise will forever be out of your reach.
'''Ciel:''' Do you think, one who was among the faithful, would ever go so far to summon someone like you?
'''Sebastian:''' *evil chuckle* I'll ask but once more. Do you wish to form a contract with me?
'''Ciel:''' I do. Now stop asking these tedious questions and let me know if we have a deal.
(Theme song plays)
(setting changes to Ciel's mansion)
'''Sebastian:''' Master, it is time for you to wake up. For breakfast today, we have a lightly poached salmon accompanied by a delicate mint salad. I can also offer toast, scones, or pan decompania. Which dish would you care for this morning?
'''Ciel:''' A scone.
'''Sebastian:''' Today, you have a meeting with Mr. Hughes, the authority on the history of the Roman Empire. And this evening, Mr. Domiano of the Poseidon company will be paying you a visit.
'''Ciel:''' Oh. Is that the man I have in charge of the stuffed animals in my factory in India?
'''Sebastian:''' Yes. I'm told he's Italian. We will of course, offer him all the hospitality the estate can provide.
'''Ciel:''' I know this smell. Is this tea Earl Grey?
'''Sebastian:''' Yes. From Jackson's of Pickinilly. I shall wait for you at dining table, Master.
(''Ciel throws dart at Sebastian, and he catches it with his index and middle finger'')
'''Sebastian:''' Well throw, my Lord. Even so, let's save the games for later.
'''Ciel:''' Yes. I suppose your right Sebastian.
'''Ciel''' (''narrating''): My butler is an able man.
(''Ciel throws dart at Finny'')
'''Finny:''' Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oooowww! What was that for Master? What did I do?
'''Ciel:''' Nothing. I don't need to justify my actions.
'''Finny:''' (''gasp'')
'''Sebastian:''' There you are. (''to Finny'') Have you finished weeding the courtyard, Finny?
'''Finny:''' Uh..
'''Sebastian:''' Mey Rin, have you washed all the bedding?
'''Mey Rin:''' Oh. Um...Well...
'''Sebastian:''' Bardroy, should you be preparing for tonight's dinner?
'''Bardroy:''' Heh..
'''Sebastian:''' Tanaka... well I suppose you're alright as you are.

'''Tanaka:''' He He He

'''Sebastian:''' Now all of you, we have no time for thumb twiddling this morning. '''''SO GET TO WORK!!'''''

''the three servants run out of the room''

'''Sebastian:''' Simply hopeless.

''Ciel walks up stairs. He stops and looks at the picture of his mother and father''

'''Sebastian:''' The silver is polished with spotless shine. The table cloth is crisp, clean and wrinkle free. There is not a single bruised blossom among Master's favorite white roses. And finally, the highest quality ingredients have been gathered to prepare a first rate dinner. The table is perfection. This will be an elegant Phantomhive welcome.

''The Study Bell rings''.

'''Sebastian:''' Still so much to do, and he calls me now.

'''Bardroy:''' A guest is coming. Alright, then this is our chance. Sebastian looks down on us all the time. Today will be so perfect he won't even know hit him. (''makes surprised face'') Yeah, that's what he's gonna say!

(''Mey Rin and Finny make the surprised face.'')

'''Bardroy:''' That's for him to say, not you.

'''Mey Rin:''' Ooh, that's a good idea!

'''Finny:''' Right! We have to stop relying on Sebastian for everything.

'''Bardroy:''' It's settled then. We got a plan of attack.

'''Mey Rin, Bardroy, and Finny:''' Lets get to it!

'''Tanaka:'''  He He He

'''Ciel:''' I'm a bit hungry. I'd like something sweet to eat.

'''Sebastian:''' You shouldn't eat now, Master. You don't want to spoil your appetite for dinner with your guest this evening.

'''Ciel:''' I don't care about that. Make me a parfait.

'''Sebastian:''' I am sorry, Sir.

'''Ciel:''' Fine then. About the portrait in the hallway.

'''Sebastian:''' Yes?

'''Ciel:''' Take it down.

'''Sebastian:''' (''He gasp'')

'''Ciel:''' I am Ciel Phantomhive. Son of Vincent. And I am head of the house now.

'''Sebastian:''' Consider it done, my Lord.

'''Sebastian:''' Now. How exactly (''points at a dead garden'') did this (''points at the broken dishes'') happen (''points at a burned kitchen'')?

'''Finny:''' I thought things would go faster if I used extra strength weed killer on the garden.

'''Mey Rin:''' I was trying to reach the tea set we use for guests, but I tripped and the cabinet fell.

'''Bardroy:''' There was a lot of meat to be cooked for dinner, and it was going to take a long time, so uh I used my flamethrower.

'''Mey Rin and Finny:''' OH WE'RE SO SORRY WE DIDN'T MEAN TO!!

'''Sebastian''' (''thinks''): Our guest will arrive just after six. (''looks at pocket watch'') At most we have two hours left. Not enough time to replace the tea set, or find premium meats. What should I do? (''says'') Calm down, all of you. Perhaps you should try taking a page out of Tanaka's book and start behaving like.. (''looks at Tanaka'') Everyone, listen closely and do exactly as I say. Understand? We must be quick about this. *picks up Tanaka's tea cup* We might save this night yet.

''Wagon pulls in''. 

'''Damiano:''' *gasp* How impressive.

''Shows Japanese style garden''.

'''Servants:''' Hello. Welcome, Sir.

'''Sebastian:''' This is called a stone garden. It is a traditional feature in Japan.

'''Damiano:''' Ah, pradiloso! Wonderful! Truly an elegant garden!

'''Sebastian:''' We thought it appropriate to serve dinner alfresco this evening. Allow me to escort you inside, until the meal is ready.

'''Damiano:''' Hahaha. I should-a expected this from a Phantomhive. I cannot wait to see what else is in store.

''The door closes''

'''Bardroy:''' wipes forehead Whoo, we actually did it.

'''Finny:''' Who woulda thought a dozen bags of gravel could turn into an amazing garden?

'''Sebastian:''' Naturally, we were able to handle this. We serve the Phantomhive family after all. There is still work to be done. Let's take care of it while the Master is talking business with his guest. Look sharp now.

'''Mey Rin, Bardroy and Finny:''' Right!

'''Damiano:''' The progress we've been making with the East India factory is quite astonishing. We already have the making of a top-notch staff.

'''Ciel:''' Bewitched by the eyes of the dead. What terrible luck. It appears I lose a turn, remember?

'''Damiano:''' Hm. Right now, is the perfect time. We should begin expanding the company and building a strong labor-

'''Ciel:''' Go on, it's your turn.

'''Damiano:''' Oh. Yes. I just-a spin this then. Ok there. Five spaces. Now, what I wanted to ask you. But perhaps you could contribute another twelve-thousand pounds to support our expansion? I believe it would be quite a profitable venture for you my Lord. And I would consider it an honor to help expand the Funtom company-

'''Ciel:''' Lose a leg in the Enchanted Forest.

'''Damiano:''' Huh?

'''Ciel:''' And it's your turn again. I lost a turn, remember?

'''Damiano:''' Oh. I see. Right. I move six.

'''Ciel:''' You don't. That's three.

'''Damiano:''' What? But-

'''Ciel:''' You lost a leg, if you recall. Now you only move half the number of spaces.

'''Damiano:''' Oh my. Hahaha. This is a gruesome board game, isn't it? Is there no way for me to restore my leg then?

'''Ciel:''' I'm afraid once something is truly lost Sir, that one could never get it back again.

'''Damiano:''' ''gasp''

'''Ciel:''' Your body is burnt by raging flames.

'''Daminao:''' ''gasp''

'''Sebastian:''' How's it going?

'''Bardroy:''' I'm doing it like you said to. This really what you want?

'''Sebastian:''' Yes. That looks excellent.

'''Mey Rin:''' Sebastian! Found 'em! Hahaha! Whaa!! *Mey Rin trips, losing her grip on the boxes*

(''Sebastian catches all the boxes and Mey Rin'')

'''Sebastian:''' Oh, honestly.

'''Mey Rin:''' *blush*

'''Sebastian:''' How many times have I told you not to run inside the manor Mey Rin?

'''Mey Rin:''' ''backs away'' Oh! I'm so sorry Sir! My glasses cracked and I can't see a thing!

'''Sebastian:''' These are the last items we needed for dinner. Splendid work everyone. But now I believe you can leave the rest of it to me and relax for a bit. But I need you to do well, VERY WELL, during dinner tonight.

'''Bardroy:''' He said it twice.

'''Finny:''' Ooh, that's serious.

'''Sebastian:''' Pardon the interruption, but dinner is served.

'''Damiano:''' Oh. Dining out in the exquisite stone garden. Shall we go my Lord?

'''Ciel:''' Very well. We'll finish the game later.

'''Daminao:''' Oh. Is there any real need to finish it? It's-a obvious I'm-a going to lose.

'''Ciel:''' I'm not in the habit of abandoning a game half-way through.

'''Daminao:''' ''mumbles'' How childish.

''Ciel looks at him.''

'''Damiano:''' I-I-I mean sometimes it takes a child's eyes to see what's really important. It's a true gift. Maybe that's what made the Phantomhive's dinations for most toy makers. It's certainly impresses me.

'''Sebastian:''' On tonight's menu is a dish of finely sliced raw beef Danbury courtesy of our chef Bardroy.

'''Damiano:''' A pile of raw beef. And this is dinner?

'''Sebastian:''' Yes. But surely you have heard of it. This good Sir is a traditional Japanese delicacy. A dish offered as a sign of gratitude to someone who has accomplished important work. That is the wonder of Dongpoi!

'''Damiano:''' Oh Dongpoi!

'''Sebastian:''' This is a token from our Master. To show his thanks for all your hard work on the company's behalf. He wanted you to know that its much appreciated.

'''Finny''' (whispers): Now that's our Sebastian for you.

'''Bardroy''' (whispers): He saved the day.

'''Tanaka''' (whispers): Hohoho.

'''Damiano:''' Excellent! What an inspired idea! The legendary Phantomhive hospitality in action.

'''Sebastian:''' The vintage we are pouring tonight was specially selected to compliment the flavor of Soy Sauce. Mey Rin.

'''Mey Rin:''' …

'''Sebastian:''' Now Mey Rin.

'''Mey Rin:''' Oh. Yes Sir.

'''Sebastian:''' (''whispers moves in, close to Mey Rin's ear'') Why are you just standing there? Pour the man a glass of wine.

'''Mey Rin:''' (''blush'') O-of course. Yes Sir.

Bardroy (whispers): Ey.

Finny (whispers): What?

Bardroy (whispers): Is it just me, or is Mey Rin acting a little strange?

Mey Rin: Sebastian's watching me. I can't take it. Don't look at me that way.

*Mey Rin spills the wine on the tablecloth. *

Finny (whispers): Mey Rin, stop it! Can't you see your spilling the wine!?
*Sebastian pulls the tablecloth, not letting a single drop spill onto the ground*

Damiano: Oh. Huh? Where did the table-a cloth go?

Ciel: A speck of dirt. Most unsightly. I had the cloth removed so it wouldn't distract us. Think nothing of it.

Sebastian: Please except my apology Sir. Do continue. Enjoy the meal at your leisure.

Daminao: Oh. Oh my. Hahaha! Lord Phantomhive, once again you have truly impressed me. What an able butler you have acquired.

Ciel: Pay him no mind. He merely acted as befits one of my servants.
Sebastian: My Master is quite correct about that. Naturally, you see I am simply one hell of a butler.

Damiano: That was a thoroughly enjoyable dinner, my Lord. Now then, about the contract.

Ciel: Before we discuss that, we must finish the game.

Damiano: Uh... yes of course. I do have a pressing appointment. Perhaps another ti-

Ciel: Children can be very demanding about their games. Surely you wouldn't want to be to get upset.

Damiano: No. No of course not. Perhaps you would permit me to use your telephone?

(''Sebastian bumps into Damiano as he steps out of the room.'')

'''Sebastian:''' I've brought some tea for you and my Lord.

'''Damiano:''' I'll be right back.

(''Ciel gives his tea an angry look.'')

'''Ciel:''' What is this? It smells terribly weak.

'''Sebastian:''' Out of our consideration for our guest, I brought some Italian tea.

'''Ciel:''' Italian?

'''Sebastian:''' Italians drink more coffee than tea, Sir. So, finding high quality Italian tea can be difficult. This particular selection is not to your liking Master?

'''Ciel:''' No. It is not. I don't like it at all.

'''Sebastian:''' I'll see to the dessert preparations.

'''Ciel:''' Good. We must show him every available hospitality. The Phantomhive family is known for its courtesy.

'''Sebastian:''' Yes, my young Lord.

'''Daminao:''' I'm-a tired of babysitting this child Earl. Yes. I already sold off the factory. Now all that's left is to pocket the extra cash. I'm trying to squeeze more out of the brat right now. Employees? Who cares about them. *he gasp* Ah, never mind. The rest of the formalities are for you to deal with. No. It'll be easy. Please, he's only a child.

''(As Damiano walks up the stairs, he stops and looks at the picture of Ciel's mother and Father. He sees a freaky ghost thing that scares him on Vincent's face (Vincent is Ciel's dad.) The ghost thing looks at him, and he wipes the sweat off his face. He looks at the picture again, and the ghost thing is not there.)''

'''Damiano:''' Impossible. I'm-a seeing things.

(''Ciel's voice echoes in his mind saying, Bewitched by the eyes of the dead.'')

'''Damiano:''' ''gasp'' No. That's ridiculous.

''Damiano searches through the mansion trying to find the room where he was before.''

'''Damiano:''' Oh. Not here either. Or here. This manor is like a giant maze. I can't even find the drawing room.

''Ciel's voice echoes once again. Bewitched by the eyes of the dead.''

''Damiano hears a floorboard creak. He sees a ghostly figure walking towards him. He runs away as fast as he can''. 

'''Damiano:''' S-stay away from me!

'''Finny:''' That's odd. Was that our guest I heard just now?

'''Bardroy''': Ey! We need to move this! Or Sebastian will start yelling again!

'''Finny:''' Right!

'''Mey Rin:''' Oooh! How embarrassing! I really messed up this time! Oh, at least I was able to get close to Sebastian. Oh, what a shameful day throe! What kind of lecherous maid am I!?

*Damiano is running as fast as he can when he hears Ciel's voice echo once again saying, You lose one turn. He falls and injured his right leg.*

Mey Rin: Oh! Sir! Are you alright!? *gasp* His right leg. It's twisted round! What happened to it!?

Bardroy: Hey! What's wrong?

Mey Rin: Our guest! Somethings happened!

*Damiano sees the ghostly figure once again, and he hears Ciel's voice say, And now you lose one leg in the enchanted forest. *

Damiano: *gasp*

*He crawls away. *

Mey Rin: Sir? Um, Sir? Come back?

*As he is crawling, he bumps into Sebastian*

Sebastian: Surely you aren't leaving the manor yet, Sir?

Damiano: Ah!

Sebastian: We haven't given you the full Phantomhive treatment yet. We still have to serve dessert.

*Damiano crawls away from Sebastian*

Sebastian: You've lost a leg, remember? Now you can only move half the number of spaces. So why not just relax a bit and make yourself at home?

*Damiano hides in a room and closes the door*

Damiano: Damn. It's too dark.

*He hears Sebastian's footsteps*

Damiano: Is this a cupboard?

*He crawls inside. Sebastian comes through the door. *

Damiano: Damn. These are really tight quarters. *squish* What's this? *sniff* Smells like sugar.

Sebastian: What an impatient guest we have. You couldn't even restrain yourself until dessert was out of the oven.

Damiano: The-the oven!? Open up! Please, open-a the door!

Sebastian: Hm. Italians aren't familiar with our customs. There is plum pudding. Mincemeat pie. There are many traditional desserts in England that make use of meat. I find them all quite tasty.

*Ciel's voice echoes again saying, Your body is burnt by raging flames.*
Damiano: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Bardroy: What was that? Someone screamed.

Finny: Don't know. Oh. Hi Sebastian.

Sebastian: Thank you for your hard work today. As a reward, how would you like some Lemon Meringue Pie? The sugar will give you energy.

Finny and Bardroy: Huh? God bless you Sebastian! Thank you so much! Thank you! Thank you!

Sebastian: Oh, yes. And Bard. A workman will be coming by in the morning. When he arrives, kindly let him know that we need our oven thoroughly cleaned.

Bardroy: Huh? The oven?

Sebastian: Mr. Damiano. I hope you enjoyed your stay. And the Phantomhive family's hospitality. All the way down to your bones.

Damiano: MAMA MIA!!!!!

Ciel: *evil chuckle* What an unattractive scream. He sounds almost like a pig taken off to slaughter. Hm. What presumption. First, he sells the East Indian factory without telling me. And then he dares to ask for more money. Did he think to retain my trust...I'm afraid once something is truly lost, one can never get it back again.

Sebastian: It would appear we'll be needing to hang new wallpaper as well.

*Mirage of young Ciel and his family appear*

Young Ciel: *laughter* Mama. Papa.

*Mirage disappears as Sebastian snaps his fingers*

Sebastian: The new head of the Phantomhive Estate. Huh.

==S1 E2 His Butler, Strongest [1.2]==

:'''Baldroy''': Bloody hell, this wire is done for.
:'''Mey-Rin''': Oh. Not the rats again
:'''Baldroy''': This is getting ridiculous. I mean I heard they'd been plagued in London lately, but I never expected them to be such a problem this far out the city
:'''Rat''': [Squeaks] 
:'''All''': Scream.
: Finnian grabs statue and swings*
:'''Finnian''': Now I've got you.
:'''All''': Scream&lt;br/&gt; 
:'''Finnian''': Looks like it got away
:'''Baldroy''': What are you laughing for? Are you trying to kill us too you idiot
:'''Finnian''': Looks there's another one.
:'''Baldroy''': That's it. 
:'''Arthur Randall''': Quite the commotion going on out there. It seems you are experiencing a rat problem as well.
:'''Man 2:''' Speaking of which how long will you let the vermin run wild? Filthy monsters. Someone really ought to take care of them. Don't you think?
:'''Lau:''' And someone will. He's just waiting for the opportune moment 
:'''Madam Red:''' Indeed. He prefers to settle things with one blow. Will you pass on this turn too? 
:'''Ciel''': I'll pass. It's my policy not to shoot if I know that I'll miss.
:'''Arthur Randall''': That's all very well but when will you handle the problem?  
:'''Ciel''': Any time you like. The rats will soon come looking for their forbidden cheese and I hold the key to the store house...Even so locating the nest and eliminating the vermin promises to be a tedious task. You should concentrate on preparing me a suitable reward 
:'''Arthur Randall''': You're a vulture.
:'''Ciel''': Sir Randall! I'd be careful how you smear my family name.
:'''Azzurro Vanel:''' Ha! You're in trouble now Randall. What next Lord Phantomhive?
:'''Ciel''': It's time to put an end to this worthless game. Don't you think? How soon can you secure the payment?
:''Arthur''': Tonight. I'll have it by then.
:'''Ciel''': Then I'll send a carriage for you later. When can even prepare some light entertainment for you. Does that sound good?
:'''Man 2''': You pass your turn twice and now you are after them all in one go?
:'''Ciel:''' Naturally.
:'''Arthur:''' Careful your greed will undo you&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Ciel:''' Am I undone?

==Season Two==

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|1316554}}
* [https://quotesdom.com/anime/kuroshitsuji-black-butler Black Butler] quotes at QuotesDom.com

[[Category:Japanese TV shows]]
[[Category:Anime and manga series]]</text>
      <sha1>idgqi5sysq4ae8oxxaw6snxbu5kd22t</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963312</id>
      <parentid>3963310</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-11T11:57:52Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>RootOfAllLight</username>
        <id>2946825</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Season Two */</comment>
      <origin>3963312</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="21279" sha1="0c53wpnzktbc6jkze12koy5hruo129n" xml:space="preserve">{{comics-cleanup|2011-12-01}}
[[File:Kuroshitsuji logo.svg|thumb|Logo]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Black Butler|Black Butler]]''''' is a [[w:manga|manga]] written and illustrated by [[w:Yana Toboso|Yana Toboso]]. Since its debut on September 16, 2006, it has been serialized in [[w:Square Enix|Square Enix]]'s [[w:shōnen manga|''shōnen'' manga]] magazine ''[[w:Monthly GFantasy|Monthly GFantasy]]''. The Anime (3 Seasons, Several OVAs) was english Dubbed by FUNimation Entertainment.

==Manga==
=Chapter 129=
:'''Ciel''': Again?
:'''Mysterious voice''': Oh, it's just you. The fuss had me curious. Really, now! You can't go drenched when it's this cold out. You'll catch a death of cold! But there's no need to worry anymore. I'll never leave your side again. I've come home.
:''(coming down the grand staircase is someone who looks just like Ciel, but with no eyepatch)''
:'''Ciel''': This can't be real!
:'''Baldroy, Mey-Rin and Finny''': The-There are...two young masters?!
:'''Mysterious boy''': &quot;It can't be real?&quot; But it is real. I'm here.
:'''Finny''': I knew it! I knew something wasn't right when he came home! That's not the young master! He's an imposter!
:'''Mysterious boy''': Heh. An imposter? What an odd thing to say. The head of the Phantomhive household, Lord Ciel Phantomhive, is I.

==English Cast==

==Season one==

=S1 E1 His Butler, Able=
'''Sebastian:''' Think carefully. Should you reject the faith, even as once the gates of paradise will forever be out of your reach.
'''Ciel:''' Do you think, one who was among the faithful, would ever go so far to summon someone like you?
'''Sebastian:''' *evil chuckle* I'll ask but once more. Do you wish to form a contract with me?
'''Ciel:''' I do. Now stop asking these tedious questions and let me know if we have a deal.
(Theme song plays)
(setting changes to Ciel's mansion)
'''Sebastian:''' Master, it is time for you to wake up. For breakfast today, we have a lightly poached salmon accompanied by a delicate mint salad. I can also offer toast, scones, or pan decompania. Which dish would you care for this morning?
'''Ciel:''' A scone.
'''Sebastian:''' Today, you have a meeting with Mr. Hughes, the authority on the history of the Roman Empire. And this evening, Mr. Domiano of the Poseidon company will be paying you a visit.
'''Ciel:''' Oh. Is that the man I have in charge of the stuffed animals in my factory in India?
'''Sebastian:''' Yes. I'm told he's Italian. We will of course, offer him all the hospitality the estate can provide.
'''Ciel:''' I know this smell. Is this tea Earl Grey?
'''Sebastian:''' Yes. From Jackson's of Pickinilly. I shall wait for you at dining table, Master.
(''Ciel throws dart at Sebastian, and he catches it with his index and middle finger'')
'''Sebastian:''' Well throw, my Lord. Even so, let's save the games for later.
'''Ciel:''' Yes. I suppose your right Sebastian.
'''Ciel''' (''narrating''): My butler is an able man.
(''Ciel throws dart at Finny'')
'''Finny:''' Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oooowww! What was that for Master? What did I do?
'''Ciel:''' Nothing. I don't need to justify my actions.
'''Finny:''' (''gasp'')
'''Sebastian:''' There you are. (''to Finny'') Have you finished weeding the courtyard, Finny?
'''Finny:''' Uh..
'''Sebastian:''' Mey Rin, have you washed all the bedding?
'''Mey Rin:''' Oh. Um...Well...
'''Sebastian:''' Bardroy, should you be preparing for tonight's dinner?
'''Bardroy:''' Heh..
'''Sebastian:''' Tanaka... well I suppose you're alright as you are.

'''Tanaka:''' He He He

'''Sebastian:''' Now all of you, we have no time for thumb twiddling this morning. '''''SO GET TO WORK!!'''''

''the three servants run out of the room''

'''Sebastian:''' Simply hopeless.

''Ciel walks up stairs. He stops and looks at the picture of his mother and father''

'''Sebastian:''' The silver is polished with spotless shine. The table cloth is crisp, clean and wrinkle free. There is not a single bruised blossom among Master's favorite white roses. And finally, the highest quality ingredients have been gathered to prepare a first rate dinner. The table is perfection. This will be an elegant Phantomhive welcome.

''The Study Bell rings''.

'''Sebastian:''' Still so much to do, and he calls me now.

'''Bardroy:''' A guest is coming. Alright, then this is our chance. Sebastian looks down on us all the time. Today will be so perfect he won't even know hit him. (''makes surprised face'') Yeah, that's what he's gonna say!

(''Mey Rin and Finny make the surprised face.'')

'''Bardroy:''' That's for him to say, not you.

'''Mey Rin:''' Ooh, that's a good idea!

'''Finny:''' Right! We have to stop relying on Sebastian for everything.

'''Bardroy:''' It's settled then. We got a plan of attack.

'''Mey Rin, Bardroy, and Finny:''' Lets get to it!

'''Tanaka:'''  He He He

'''Ciel:''' I'm a bit hungry. I'd like something sweet to eat.

'''Sebastian:''' You shouldn't eat now, Master. You don't want to spoil your appetite for dinner with your guest this evening.

'''Ciel:''' I don't care about that. Make me a parfait.

'''Sebastian:''' I am sorry, Sir.

'''Ciel:''' Fine then. About the portrait in the hallway.

'''Sebastian:''' Yes?

'''Ciel:''' Take it down.

'''Sebastian:''' (''He gasp'')

'''Ciel:''' I am Ciel Phantomhive. Son of Vincent. And I am head of the house now.

'''Sebastian:''' Consider it done, my Lord.

'''Sebastian:''' Now. How exactly (''points at a dead garden'') did this (''points at the broken dishes'') happen (''points at a burned kitchen'')?

'''Finny:''' I thought things would go faster if I used extra strength weed killer on the garden.

'''Mey Rin:''' I was trying to reach the tea set we use for guests, but I tripped and the cabinet fell.

'''Bardroy:''' There was a lot of meat to be cooked for dinner, and it was going to take a long time, so uh I used my flamethrower.

'''Mey Rin and Finny:''' OH WE'RE SO SORRY WE DIDN'T MEAN TO!!

'''Sebastian''' (''thinks''): Our guest will arrive just after six. (''looks at pocket watch'') At most we have two hours left. Not enough time to replace the tea set, or find premium meats. What should I do? (''says'') Calm down, all of you. Perhaps you should try taking a page out of Tanaka's book and start behaving like.. (''looks at Tanaka'') Everyone, listen closely and do exactly as I say. Understand? We must be quick about this. *picks up Tanaka's tea cup* We might save this night yet.

''Wagon pulls in''. 

'''Damiano:''' *gasp* How impressive.

''Shows Japanese style garden''.

'''Servants:''' Hello. Welcome, Sir.

'''Sebastian:''' This is called a stone garden. It is a traditional feature in Japan.

'''Damiano:''' Ah, pradiloso! Wonderful! Truly an elegant garden!

'''Sebastian:''' We thought it appropriate to serve dinner alfresco this evening. Allow me to escort you inside, until the meal is ready.

'''Damiano:''' Hahaha. I should-a expected this from a Phantomhive. I cannot wait to see what else is in store.

''The door closes''

'''Bardroy:''' wipes forehead Whoo, we actually did it.

'''Finny:''' Who woulda thought a dozen bags of gravel could turn into an amazing garden?

'''Sebastian:''' Naturally, we were able to handle this. We serve the Phantomhive family after all. There is still work to be done. Let's take care of it while the Master is talking business with his guest. Look sharp now.

'''Mey Rin, Bardroy and Finny:''' Right!

'''Damiano:''' The progress we've been making with the East India factory is quite astonishing. We already have the making of a top-notch staff.

'''Ciel:''' Bewitched by the eyes of the dead. What terrible luck. It appears I lose a turn, remember?

'''Damiano:''' Hm. Right now, is the perfect time. We should begin expanding the company and building a strong labor-

'''Ciel:''' Go on, it's your turn.

'''Damiano:''' Oh. Yes. I just-a spin this then. Ok there. Five spaces. Now, what I wanted to ask you. But perhaps you could contribute another twelve-thousand pounds to support our expansion? I believe it would be quite a profitable venture for you my Lord. And I would consider it an honor to help expand the Funtom company-

'''Ciel:''' Lose a leg in the Enchanted Forest.

'''Damiano:''' Huh?

'''Ciel:''' And it's your turn again. I lost a turn, remember?

'''Damiano:''' Oh. I see. Right. I move six.

'''Ciel:''' You don't. That's three.

'''Damiano:''' What? But-

'''Ciel:''' You lost a leg, if you recall. Now you only move half the number of spaces.

'''Damiano:''' Oh my. Hahaha. This is a gruesome board game, isn't it? Is there no way for me to restore my leg then?

'''Ciel:''' I'm afraid once something is truly lost Sir, that one could never get it back again.

'''Damiano:''' ''gasp''

'''Ciel:''' Your body is burnt by raging flames.

'''Daminao:''' ''gasp''

'''Sebastian:''' How's it going?

'''Bardroy:''' I'm doing it like you said to. This really what you want?

'''Sebastian:''' Yes. That looks excellent.

'''Mey Rin:''' Sebastian! Found 'em! Hahaha! Whaa!! *Mey Rin trips, losing her grip on the boxes*

(''Sebastian catches all the boxes and Mey Rin'')

'''Sebastian:''' Oh, honestly.

'''Mey Rin:''' *blush*

'''Sebastian:''' How many times have I told you not to run inside the manor Mey Rin?

'''Mey Rin:''' ''backs away'' Oh! I'm so sorry Sir! My glasses cracked and I can't see a thing!

'''Sebastian:''' These are the last items we needed for dinner. Splendid work everyone. But now I believe you can leave the rest of it to me and relax for a bit. But I need you to do well, VERY WELL, during dinner tonight.

'''Bardroy:''' He said it twice.

'''Finny:''' Ooh, that's serious.

'''Sebastian:''' Pardon the interruption, but dinner is served.

'''Damiano:''' Oh. Dining out in the exquisite stone garden. Shall we go my Lord?

'''Ciel:''' Very well. We'll finish the game later.

'''Daminao:''' Oh. Is there any real need to finish it? It's-a obvious I'm-a going to lose.

'''Ciel:''' I'm not in the habit of abandoning a game half-way through.

'''Daminao:''' ''mumbles'' How childish.

''Ciel looks at him.''

'''Damiano:''' I-I-I mean sometimes it takes a child's eyes to see what's really important. It's a true gift. Maybe that's what made the Phantomhive's dinations for most toy makers. It's certainly impresses me.

'''Sebastian:''' On tonight's menu is a dish of finely sliced raw beef Danbury courtesy of our chef Bardroy.

'''Damiano:''' A pile of raw beef. And this is dinner?

'''Sebastian:''' Yes. But surely you have heard of it. This good Sir is a traditional Japanese delicacy. A dish offered as a sign of gratitude to someone who has accomplished important work. That is the wonder of Dongpoi!

'''Damiano:''' Oh Dongpoi!

'''Sebastian:''' This is a token from our Master. To show his thanks for all your hard work on the company's behalf. He wanted you to know that its much appreciated.

'''Finny''' (whispers): Now that's our Sebastian for you.

'''Bardroy''' (whispers): He saved the day.

'''Tanaka''' (whispers): Hohoho.

'''Damiano:''' Excellent! What an inspired idea! The legendary Phantomhive hospitality in action.

'''Sebastian:''' The vintage we are pouring tonight was specially selected to compliment the flavor of Soy Sauce. Mey Rin.

'''Mey Rin:''' …

'''Sebastian:''' Now Mey Rin.

'''Mey Rin:''' Oh. Yes Sir.

'''Sebastian:''' (''whispers moves in, close to Mey Rin's ear'') Why are you just standing there? Pour the man a glass of wine.

'''Mey Rin:''' (''blush'') O-of course. Yes Sir.

Bardroy (whispers): Ey.

Finny (whispers): What?

Bardroy (whispers): Is it just me, or is Mey Rin acting a little strange?

Mey Rin: Sebastian's watching me. I can't take it. Don't look at me that way.

*Mey Rin spills the wine on the tablecloth. *

Finny (whispers): Mey Rin, stop it! Can't you see your spilling the wine!?
*Sebastian pulls the tablecloth, not letting a single drop spill onto the ground*

Damiano: Oh. Huh? Where did the table-a cloth go?

Ciel: A speck of dirt. Most unsightly. I had the cloth removed so it wouldn't distract us. Think nothing of it.

Sebastian: Please except my apology Sir. Do continue. Enjoy the meal at your leisure.

Daminao: Oh. Oh my. Hahaha! Lord Phantomhive, once again you have truly impressed me. What an able butler you have acquired.

Ciel: Pay him no mind. He merely acted as befits one of my servants.
Sebastian: My Master is quite correct about that. Naturally, you see I am simply one hell of a butler.

Damiano: That was a thoroughly enjoyable dinner, my Lord. Now then, about the contract.

Ciel: Before we discuss that, we must finish the game.

Damiano: Uh... yes of course. I do have a pressing appointment. Perhaps another ti-

Ciel: Children can be very demanding about their games. Surely you wouldn't want to be to get upset.

Damiano: No. No of course not. Perhaps you would permit me to use your telephone?

(''Sebastian bumps into Damiano as he steps out of the room.'')

'''Sebastian:''' I've brought some tea for you and my Lord.

'''Damiano:''' I'll be right back.

(''Ciel gives his tea an angry look.'')

'''Ciel:''' What is this? It smells terribly weak.

'''Sebastian:''' Out of our consideration for our guest, I brought some Italian tea.

'''Ciel:''' Italian?

'''Sebastian:''' Italians drink more coffee than tea, Sir. So, finding high quality Italian tea can be difficult. This particular selection is not to your liking Master?

'''Ciel:''' No. It is not. I don't like it at all.

'''Sebastian:''' I'll see to the dessert preparations.

'''Ciel:''' Good. We must show him every available hospitality. The Phantomhive family is known for its courtesy.

'''Sebastian:''' Yes, my young Lord.

'''Daminao:''' I'm-a tired of babysitting this child Earl. Yes. I already sold off the factory. Now all that's left is to pocket the extra cash. I'm trying to squeeze more out of the brat right now. Employees? Who cares about them. *he gasp* Ah, never mind. The rest of the formalities are for you to deal with. No. It'll be easy. Please, he's only a child.

''(As Damiano walks up the stairs, he stops and looks at the picture of Ciel's mother and Father. He sees a freaky ghost thing that scares him on Vincent's face (Vincent is Ciel's dad.) The ghost thing looks at him, and he wipes the sweat off his face. He looks at the picture again, and the ghost thing is not there.)''

'''Damiano:''' Impossible. I'm-a seeing things.

(''Ciel's voice echoes in his mind saying, Bewitched by the eyes of the dead.'')

'''Damiano:''' ''gasp'' No. That's ridiculous.

''Damiano searches through the mansion trying to find the room where he was before.''

'''Damiano:''' Oh. Not here either. Or here. This manor is like a giant maze. I can't even find the drawing room.

''Ciel's voice echoes once again. Bewitched by the eyes of the dead.''

''Damiano hears a floorboard creak. He sees a ghostly figure walking towards him. He runs away as fast as he can''. 

'''Damiano:''' S-stay away from me!

'''Finny:''' That's odd. Was that our guest I heard just now?

'''Bardroy''': Ey! We need to move this! Or Sebastian will start yelling again!

'''Finny:''' Right!

'''Mey Rin:''' Oooh! How embarrassing! I really messed up this time! Oh, at least I was able to get close to Sebastian. Oh, what a shameful day throe! What kind of lecherous maid am I!?

*Damiano is running as fast as he can when he hears Ciel's voice echo once again saying, You lose one turn. He falls and injured his right leg.*

Mey Rin: Oh! Sir! Are you alright!? *gasp* His right leg. It's twisted round! What happened to it!?

Bardroy: Hey! What's wrong?

Mey Rin: Our guest! Somethings happened!

*Damiano sees the ghostly figure once again, and he hears Ciel's voice say, And now you lose one leg in the enchanted forest. *

Damiano: *gasp*

*He crawls away. *

Mey Rin: Sir? Um, Sir? Come back?

*As he is crawling, he bumps into Sebastian*

Sebastian: Surely you aren't leaving the manor yet, Sir?

Damiano: Ah!

Sebastian: We haven't given you the full Phantomhive treatment yet. We still have to serve dessert.

*Damiano crawls away from Sebastian*

Sebastian: You've lost a leg, remember? Now you can only move half the number of spaces. So why not just relax a bit and make yourself at home?

*Damiano hides in a room and closes the door*

Damiano: Damn. It's too dark.

*He hears Sebastian's footsteps*

Damiano: Is this a cupboard?

*He crawls inside. Sebastian comes through the door. *

Damiano: Damn. These are really tight quarters. *squish* What's this? *sniff* Smells like sugar.

Sebastian: What an impatient guest we have. You couldn't even restrain yourself until dessert was out of the oven.

Damiano: The-the oven!? Open up! Please, open-a the door!

Sebastian: Hm. Italians aren't familiar with our customs. There is plum pudding. Mincemeat pie. There are many traditional desserts in England that make use of meat. I find them all quite tasty.

*Ciel's voice echoes again saying, Your body is burnt by raging flames.*
Damiano: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Bardroy: What was that? Someone screamed.

Finny: Don't know. Oh. Hi Sebastian.

Sebastian: Thank you for your hard work today. As a reward, how would you like some Lemon Meringue Pie? The sugar will give you energy.

Finny and Bardroy: Huh? God bless you Sebastian! Thank you so much! Thank you! Thank you!

Sebastian: Oh, yes. And Bard. A workman will be coming by in the morning. When he arrives, kindly let him know that we need our oven thoroughly cleaned.

Bardroy: Huh? The oven?

Sebastian: Mr. Damiano. I hope you enjoyed your stay. And the Phantomhive family's hospitality. All the way down to your bones.

Damiano: MAMA MIA!!!!!

Ciel: *evil chuckle* What an unattractive scream. He sounds almost like a pig taken off to slaughter. Hm. What presumption. First, he sells the East Indian factory without telling me. And then he dares to ask for more money. Did he think to retain my trust...I'm afraid once something is truly lost, one can never get it back again.

Sebastian: It would appear we'll be needing to hang new wallpaper as well.

*Mirage of young Ciel and his family appear*

Young Ciel: *laughter* Mama. Papa.

*Mirage disappears as Sebastian snaps his fingers*

Sebastian: The new head of the Phantomhive Estate. Huh.

==S1 E2 His Butler, Strongest [1.2]==

:'''Baldroy''': Bloody hell, this wire is done for.
:'''Mey-Rin''': Oh. Not the rats again
:'''Baldroy''': This is getting ridiculous. I mean I heard they'd been plagued in London lately, but I never expected them to be such a problem this far out the city
:'''Rat''': [Squeaks] 
:'''All''': Scream.
: Finnian grabs statue and swings*
:'''Finnian''': Now I've got you.
:'''All''': Scream&lt;br/&gt; 
:'''Finnian''': Looks like it got away
:'''Baldroy''': What are you laughing for? Are you trying to kill us too you idiot
:'''Finnian''': Looks there's another one.
:'''Baldroy''': That's it. 
:'''Arthur Randall''': Quite the commotion going on out there. It seems you are experiencing a rat problem as well.
:'''Man 2:''' Speaking of which how long will you let the vermin run wild? Filthy monsters. Someone really ought to take care of them. Don't you think?
:'''Lau:''' And someone will. He's just waiting for the opportune moment 
:'''Madam Red:''' Indeed. He prefers to settle things with one blow. Will you pass on this turn too? 
:'''Ciel''': I'll pass. It's my policy not to shoot if I know that I'll miss.
:'''Arthur Randall''': That's all very well but when will you handle the problem?  
:'''Ciel''': Any time you like. The rats will soon come looking for their forbidden cheese and I hold the key to the store house...Even so locating the nest and eliminating the vermin promises to be a tedious task. You should concentrate on preparing me a suitable reward 
:'''Arthur Randall''': You're a vulture.
:'''Ciel''': Sir Randall! I'd be careful how you smear my family name.
:'''Azzurro Vanel:''' Ha! You're in trouble now Randall. What next Lord Phantomhive?
:'''Ciel''': It's time to put an end to this worthless game. Don't you think? How soon can you secure the payment?
:''Arthur''': Tonight. I'll have it by then.
:'''Ciel''': Then I'll send a carriage for you later. When can even prepare some light entertainment for you. Does that sound good?
:'''Man 2''': You pass your turn twice and now you are after them all in one go?
:'''Ciel:''' Naturally.
:'''Arthur:''' Careful your greed will undo you&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Ciel:''' Am I undone?

==Season Two==
=Episode 8=
:'''Claude''': What are you trying to do, Master? You still haven't got hold of Ciel Phantomhive.
:'''Alois''': You're the only one I need.
:'''Claude''': Master, that nonsense is...
:'''Alois''': Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You're the only one left in my world! Hoheotararuna ronderotareru! Don't leave my side! Never, Claude! You... You are my Highness!
:'''Claude''': Such words for a mere butler... ''(Claude kills Alois and takes his ring)'' Do not worry, my master. I cannot possibly feel hungry looking at a low-class soul that offers his love to a mere butler. I will keep you by my side. Your soul will be useful to me.

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|1316554}}
* [https://quotesdom.com/anime/kuroshitsuji-black-butler Black Butler] quotes at QuotesDom.com

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      <text bytes="105400" sha1="bfj9y6of8wq0rk56s8bnec48rx554yf" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Pictures from English literature (1870) (14801697393).jpg|thumb|And by her in a line a milk-white lamb she led.]]

* As we bring our characters forward, I will ask leave, as a man and a brother, not only to introduce them, but occasionally to step down from the platform, and talk about them: if they are good and kindly, to love them and shake them by the hand: if they are silly, to laugh at them confidentially in the reader's sleeve: if they are wicked and heartless, to abuse them in the strongest terms which politeness admits of. Otherwise you might fancy it was I who was sneering at the practice of devotion, which Miss Sharp finds so ridiculous; that it was I who laughed good humouredly at the reeling old Silenus of a baronet—whereas the laughter comes from one who has no reverence except for prosperity, and no eye for anything beyond success. Such people there are living and flourishing in the world—Faithless, Hopeless, Charityless: let us have at them, dear friends, with might and main. Some there are, and very successful too, mere quacks and fools: and it was to combat and expose such as those, no doubt, that Laughter was made.
** ''Vanity Fair'', ch. 8

* ''Cupressus altis exerens siluis caput&lt;br /&gt;Uirente semper alligat trunco nemus,&lt;br /&gt;Curuosque tendit quercus et putres situ&lt;br /&gt;Annosa ramos: huius abrupit latus&lt;br /&gt;Edax uetustas; illa, iam fessa cadens&lt;br /&gt;Radice, fulta pendet aliena trabe.&lt;br /&gt;Amara bacas laurus et tiliae leues&lt;br /&gt;Et Paphia myrtus et per immensum mare&lt;br /&gt;Motura remos alnus et Phoebo obuia&lt;br /&gt;Enode Zephyris pinus opponens latus.''
** A cypress, lifting its head above the lofty wood, with mighty stem holds the whole grove in its evergreen embrace; and an ancient oak spreads its gnarled branches crumbling in decay. The side of one devouring time has torn away; the other, falling, its roots rent in twain, hangs propped against a neighbouring trunk. Here are the laurel with bitter berries, slender linden-trees, Paphian myrtle, and the alder, destined to sweep its oarage over the boundless sea; and here, mounting to meet the sun, a pine-tree lifts its knotless bole to front the winds.
*** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''[[w:Oedipus (Seneca)|Oedipus]]'' (c. 50 CE), lines 532–541 ([[w:Frank Justus Miller|Frank Justus Miller]]'s 1917 Loeb translation)

* You will not allow what has already happened—what Providence has permitted to happen?
** ''John Halifax, Gentleman''

* We can have nothing in the world—except our children's good—so dear to us as their happiness.
** ''John Halifax, Gentleman''

[[File:Summer Legros Louvre MR1980.jpg|thumb|Then came the jolly [[Summer]], being dight&lt;br /&gt;In a thin silken cassock coloured green&lt;br /&gt;That was unlined all, to be more light.]]

[[File:Autumn Legros Louvre MR1981.jpg|thumb|And in his hand a sickle he did hold,&lt;br /&gt;To reap the ripened fruits the which the earth had yold.]]

* &lt;nowiki&gt;[&lt;/nowiki&gt;[[w:Zhou Ruchang|Zhou Ruchang]]] argues that Gao E 高鹗(1740?–1815), a Palace scholar who edited the first printed edition of Honglou meng in 1791, changed some of the first 80 chapters and actually fabricated the last 40 chapters thereby turning the novel into a sordid love triangle. Furthermore, Zhou posits that this forgery was masterminded by the notorious Manchu official [[w:Heshen|Heshen]] 和珅 (1750–1799) and that it had the support of the [[w:Qianlong Emperor|Qianlong emperor]] (1711–1799). Zhou Ruchang also maintains that the novel originally consisted of 108 chapters (twelve sections of nine chapters each), not the 120-chapter version printed by the Imperial Household Department Printing Office, and that the story's 108 female characters were intended by Cao to mirror the 108 heroes in the celebrated Northern Song dynasty novel ''[[Outlaws of the Marsh]]'' (水浒传); and the Yuan dynasty drama ''[[Romance of the Western Chamber]]'' (西厢记).
** Ronald R. Gray and Mark S. Ferrara, Editor's Preface to Zhou Ruchang's ''Between Noble and Humble'' (Peter Lang, 2009), p. xvi

* The explicit identification of the rejected stone with the fairy page is something that we find only in Gao E's edition—one of the many examples one could cite of the unacknowledged excellence of his editing.
** [[w:David Hawkes (sinologist)|David Hawkes]], &quot;The Translator, the Mirror, and the Dream—Some Observations on a New Theory&quot;, published in ''Renditions'' 13 (Spring 1980), p. 18

* ''Saiba o mundo meu dano,&lt;br /&gt;porque se desengane em meu engano.''

* Who can hope for nothing should despair of nothing.

* He loves his sons so much?&lt;br /&gt;Good, he is trapped.

* Tranquility only comes&lt;br /&gt;If I see the world ruined with me.

* The fruit of your crimes &lt;br /&gt; Is to think nothing a crime.

* '''Jason''': What actual crime can you charge me with?&lt;br /&gt;'''Medea''': All that I've done.&lt;br /&gt;'''Jason''': That's the only thing left:&lt;br /&gt;That I should be guilty of your crimes, too.&lt;br /&gt;'''Medea''': They're yours, they ''are'' yours.

* The world may damn your infamous wife,&lt;br /&gt;''You'' should defend her, ''you'' should call her innocent.&lt;br /&gt;Treat as guiltless one who's guilty for you.

* Vengeance is trivial which pure hands enact.

* Why waver, my soul? Why do tears soak my face,&lt;br /&gt;And anger and love shift me and drag me&lt;br /&gt;In different directions? A changing swell&lt;br /&gt;Hurls me along uncertain. My heart surges&lt;br /&gt;Like the riotous waves which drive the sea&lt;br /&gt;Both ways when fierce winds wage brutal war&lt;br /&gt;And ocean boils confused.

* A heartless woman gives a man his marching orders as soon as something more advantageous presents itself.

* Life has taught me not to believe in fine words.

* Life isn't about finding yourself—or about finding anything. Life is about creating yourself.
** [[Bob Dylan]] in Martin Scorsese's Netflix documentary &quot;Rolling Thunder Revue&quot; (2019)

* 冷燭無煙綠蠟乾
** ''Lengzhu wuyan lula gan''
** Smokeless the cold candles, the green wax is dry.
** Tang poet Qian Xu, quoted by [[Cao Xueqin]] in ''[[A Dream of Red Mansions]]'', ch. 18

* The best translation is the one that is read not like a translation.
** [[Lin Yutang]] [http://www.csstoday.com/Item/2471.aspx]

* [[w:Li Yu (author)|Li Yu]], with his talent, could have become another [[Cao Xueqin]], but in the end he did not. Worse still, he became a writer far inferior to Cao Xueqin. There were many reasons for his failure, and the main one was that he lived too comfortably and too elegantly. (We can understand his life by reading his ''Sketches of Idle Pleasures''.) Unlike Cao Xueqin, he did not experience any sudden decline in family fortune and was never shocked or tormented spiritually. For a writer, hardships can make him/ her turn inward and search his/her soul. A literary career is often rather &quot;cruel,&quot; because it requires a writer to endure all kinds of hardships before he/she can be awakened. In this sense a real writer is just like [[w:Sun Wukong|Monkey]] in ''[[Journey to the West]]'' and has to be steeled in the furnace of cruelty before he can stand out in a crowd of mediocre writers. Li Yu was a prolific writer, but none of his works was as good as ''[[Dream of the Red Chamber]]'', and he was never able to depict poetic lives with rich souls and genuine feelings the way Cao Xueqin did. The inward turn in characterization in ''Dream of the Red Chamber'' is a reflection of Cao Xueqin's own inward turn.

Luke Milbourne &quot;the fairest of critics&quot;

* When asked to explain the significance and pleasure of the Chinese novel ''Dream of the Red Chamber'', by Cao Xueqin, I'm afraid I usually flounder. How to put it to friends, students or colleagues that the tiffs, the leisurely intrigues and frustrated aspirations of a fractious bunch of adolescents constitute one of the great efforts at plumbing human experience? ... ''Dream of the Red Chamber'' has [[Balzac]]'s panoramic view of society, the satire of arrogance and fashion of ''[[Vanity Fair]]'', the funny, meandering mischief of ''[[Decameron]]''. But these comparisons are inadequate to a work so monumental and so vehemently itself, the epitome of the great tradition of Chinese family fiction.
** Josh Stenberg, [https://theconversation.com/why-you-should-read-chinas-vast-18th-century-novel-dream-of-the-red-chamber-94824 &quot;Why you should read China's vast, 18th century novel, ''Dream of the Red Chamber''&quot;], ''The Conversation'' (18 April 2018)

* 滾滾長江東逝水，浪花淘盡英雄。&lt;br /&gt;是非成敗轉頭空。&lt;br /&gt;青山依舊在，幾度夕陽紅。
** On and on the Great River rolls, racing east.&lt;br /&gt;Of proud and gallant heroes its white-tops leave no trace,&lt;br /&gt;As right and wrong, pride and fall turn all at once unreal.&lt;br /&gt;Yet ever the green hills stay&lt;br /&gt;To blaze in the west-waning day.
*** ''Ershiwu shi tanci''

* Why should people busy themselves so much in life?&lt;br /&gt;All parties will sooner or later come to an end.&lt;br /&gt;As happiness and sadness both become illusory,&lt;br /&gt;The past and the present merge into an [[absurd]] dream.&lt;br /&gt;While some girls shed tears onto their sleeves repeatedly,&lt;br /&gt;A man of feeling harbors everlasting regrets.&lt;br /&gt;With each word stained with blood,&lt;br /&gt;This book is a result of ten years of hard work.

* Her heart grew warm and melted&lt;br /&gt;like dew on roses in the dawn's first light.

* An important, magisterial and moving English poem in its own right, as well as a major influence on Pope and the main 18.C. tradition
** Frederick Keener on [[The Works of Virgil (John Dryden)#Aeneid|Dryden's ''Aeneid'' (1697)]]

* To me the writing of this novel is always like—the way I picture it for myself—painting on a great canvass ... I am keeping [[Dream of the Red Chamber|Red Chamber]] as my model. Its inspiration is never-failing.
** [[Lin Yutang]], to Richard Walsh and Pearl S. Buck (1 March 1939), as quoted in ''Lin Yutang and China's Search for Modern Rebirth'' (2017) by Suoqiao Qian, p. 235

* ''Quelling the Demons' Revolt'' is the most neglected of the early Chinese novels.
** [[w:Patrick Hanan|Patrick Hanan]], &quot;The Composition of the P'ing Yao Chuan,&quot; ''Harvard Journal of Asiatic Studies'' 31 (1971): 201; as quoted in the Introduction by Ellen B. Widmer and David Der-wei Wang to Patrick Hanan's translation of ''Quelling the Demons' Revolt: A Novel from Ming China'' (Columbia University Press, 2017). ISBN 978-0-231-18307-9.

[[File:Red rose with black background.jpg|thumb|Gather the rose of love, whilst yet is time.]]
* Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature. Each of us, then, is a 'matching half' of a human whole ... and each of us is always seeking the half that matches him.

* The study of books and literature to the true scholar is but the means to enable him to interpret, to criticise, to understand human life.

[[File:Shitou Hongloumeng Tuyong.jpg|thumb|Found unfit to repair the azure sky&lt;br /&gt;Long years a foolish mortal man was I.&lt;br /&gt;My life in both worlds on this stone is writ:&lt;br /&gt;Pray who will copy out and publish it?]]
* It is very difficult to achieve what [[Laozi]] calls a &quot;return to the state of an infant,&quot; which is, in other words, a return to the original state of life characterized by innocence. Most people, including even great poets such as [[Li Bai]], [[Du Fu]], and [[Bai Juyi]], not to mention writers such as [[Shi Nai'an]] and [[Luo Guanzhong]], are unable to return to innocence. Only [[Cao Xueqin]] can, and he proves it when he shines the light of innocence on [[w:Jia Baoyu|Jia Baoyu]]. Jia Baoyu is an innocent child in essence. Intelligent yet naïve and sophisticated yet simple, he stands for the original innocence in life. Once, his father hoped to change his life by beating him with a stick, but he always remained impervious to any attempt people made to put his life in order, just like the chaos [[Zhuangzi]] describes. This state of chaos is a state of innocence. Jia Baoyu is the most complete image of an innocent child in Chinese literature. Through Jia Baoyu, Cao Xueqin achieves his return to innocence.
** [[w:Liu Zaifu|Liu Zaifu]], ''Reflections on'' [[Dream of the Red Chamber]] (Cambria Press, 2008), p. 88

* It's the illusion of &quot;me&quot; that creates the illusion of &quot;others&quot;.

* I have been reading the ''Hung Lou Meng'' for about forty years.... I am a great lover of this eighteenth-century Chinese novel.... Arthur Waley, Forward to ''On the Red Chamber Dream'' (1961), p. vii

* A story about the illusory nature of life in general and the painful truth that good times do not last forever.

* Eternal God, you are the light of the minds that know you, the joy of the hearts that love you and the strength of the wills that serve you; grant us so to know you that we may truly love you, and so to love you that we may fully serve you, whom to serve is perfect freedom.

* If it be lawful to avow a feeling approaching to enthusiasm for any Chinese production, the ''Hung Low Mêng'' 紅樓夢 or &quot;Dream of the Red Chamber&quot; is beyond possibility of cavil the work for which genuine admiration may be expressed. What in English literature the writings of [[William Makepeace Thackeray|Thackeray]] and [[Edward Bulwer-Lytton|Bulwer]] are in comparison with the wearisome and unskilful productions of previous generations, such is the ''Hung Low Mêng'' when compared with the works of fiction that have emanated from other Chinese authors. Human character in its complex variety of shades, the intricacies of family relations, the force of passion and the torture of disappointed yearnings after love are portrayed with a degree of skill and knowledge such as in truth suggests a resemblance with the two great master-spirits of English romance; whilst, as in Nature's own drama of existence, the reflections of storm and sunshine are closely interlaced, and the lighter thread of comedy runs side by side with the dark main-strand of a story which opens with the omens of sorrow and is conducted to a tearful end. [...] The length to which the romance extends, and the difficulty of interesting Europeans in individuals bearing what appear [to be] such uncouth names are formidable obstacles for a translator to overcome. In China, no work is more universally popular.
** W. F. Mayers, in ''Notes and Queries on China and Japan'', Vol. 1, No. 12 (31 December 1867)

* To those born with a sensitive spirit and an appreciation of subtle beauty, lyric verse can bring delight and release, it can be a source of peace and strength. And this aesthetic sensitivity, if coupled with a sincere cultivation of character, can greatly enhance the quality of a man's everyday life and of his literary and scholarly pursuits. Many human activities coexist, many paths lead to the same goal. The lyric, an expression of the human heart and mind, and of human perceptions of the world, is one path leading to an understanding of beauty and goodness.
** Miao Yue (繆鉞), &quot;The Chinese Lyric&quot; (《論詞》), trans. John Minford in ''Renditions'' (1979), p. 44

[[File:&quot;This is the Port of Rest from Troublous Toyle&quot; - Walter Jenks Morgan.png|thumb|O thou fair son of gentle fairy&lt;br /&gt;That art in mighty arms most magnified&lt;br /&gt;Above all knights that ever battle tried,&lt;br /&gt;O! turn thy rudder hitherward awhile,&lt;br &gt;Here may thy storm-beat vessel safely ride:&lt;br /&gt;This is the port of rest from troublous toil,&lt;br /&gt;The world's sweet inn from pain and wearisome turmoil.]]

* Fair shields, gay steeds, bright arms, be my delight;&lt;br /&gt;Those be the riches fit for an adventurous knight.
** [[Edmund Spenser]], ''[[The Faerie Queene]]'', Book II (1590), Canto VII, stanza 10

[[File:Popsicle-sticks.jpg|thumb|Looks like my summer vacation is... over.]]

* A more disgusting hero than Aeneas there is not in the range of epic. And in some astonishing manner he combines uninterestingness with disgust. He is such a poor creature that you would almost be ashamed to kick him, as he deserves, because he would begin complaining to his mother, and you wouldn't like to annoy ''her''.
** [[George Saintsbury]], ''A Second Scrap Book'' (1923), p. 254

* &quot;What remains to you as the prize of all the blood you have spilled...?&quot;&lt;br /&gt;&quot;What remains?&quot; cried Ivanhoe; &quot;Glory, maiden, glory!...&quot;&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Glory?&quot; continued Rebecca, &quot;...is the rusted mail which hangs as a hatchment over the champion's dim and mouldering tomb...sufficient reward[] for...a life spent miserably that ye may make others miserable?...&quot;&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Thou wouldst quench the pure light of chivalry, which alone distinguishes the noble from the base.&quot;

* The rain song in youth I heard from some bedroom&lt;br /&gt;red candle setting behind a satin screen&lt;br /&gt;Older and travelling I heard rain in a boat&lt;br /&gt;huge river, low clouds&lt;br /&gt;a goose crying in the west wind parted from the flock&lt;br /&gt;Now when I hear the rain, in a hermit's cell&lt;br /&gt;my hair has long turned grey&lt;br /&gt;Sorrow, happiness, parting, joining are all neutral&lt;br /&gt;raindrops all night long on the stone steps
** Lyric to the Tune Yumeiren by Jiang Jie (fl. 13th century) translated by John Scott and Graham Martin

* Poetry is one of the most durable of the products of the human mind.
** C. Day Lewis, ''A Lasting Joy'' (1973), p. 14

* The author's mind is utterly devoid of any trace of Confucian ethics, and conscience is to him a factor absolutely of no account. Literature is to him only skill in turning neat couples and devising in[s]criptions for tables. His heroes have no intellect, no manliness, no conscience. His heroines are utterly devoid of delicacy, piety, virtue. He draws human nature neither as it ought to be nor, we hope in charity, as it really is in China. He works the complicated story of his book without a single lofty ideal and without any moral purpose whatever. ... Virtue and vice are to this Chinese novelist, Tsao Sueh-kin, merely what the colours on his palette are to the arti[s]an painter—so much effective dirt. [[Juvenal]], [[Shakespeare]], [[Henry Fielding|Fielding]], with all their occasional nastiness, have ethical sympathies: this Chinese novelist has none. 
** [[w:Ernst Johann Eitel|E. J. Eitel]], review of the first volume of Henry Bencraft Joly's translation of the ''[[Dream of the Red Chamber]]'', in ''[http://hkjo.lib.hku.hk/archive/files/61a6ca3994aefc46f333b175e8ccf7d8.pdf The China Review]'', Vol. 20, No. 1 (1892), pp. 65–66

* How comes it...that a book so utterly non-Confucian, so nihilistic as regards both Chinese religion and morals, is one of the most widely read novels of China? The explanation is very simple. Chinese read the Red-Chamber Dream because of its wickedness. This Chinese novel owes its popularity chiefly to the spice of impropriety which garnishes these passion-tickling descriptions of the harem-life of a bloated aristocracy, to the literary cleverness with which it panders to man's morbid craving after what he knows to be naughty.
** [[w:Ernst Johann Eitel|E. J. Eitel]], review of the first volume of Henry Bencraft Joly's translation of the ''[[Dream of the Red Chamber]]'', ''[http://hkjo.lib.hku.hk/archive/files/61a6ca3994aefc46f333b175e8ccf7d8.pdf The China Review]'', Vol. 20, No. 1 (1892), p. 66

* A mysterious justice according to God going counter to justice according to men.

* [The Houyhnhnms] have a notion, that when people are met together, a short silence does much improve conversation: this I found to be true.

* I am at present occupied in translating ''Red Chamber Dream''. It will be off my hands in a couple of months and probably be out next autumn. Translation is hard work, harder than writing. One starts with thinking in Chinese and it takes a lot of polishing to make it read like idiomatic English. I have to abridge it or it will not have a chance of being published. As it is, it will be a thick heavy volume of over seven hundred pages printed.
** [[Lin Yutang]], letter to Madame Chiang (19 December 1953), as quoted in ''Lin Yutang and China's Search for Modern Rebirth'' (2007) by Qian Suoqiao, pp. 391–392. See [http://www.szdaily.com/content/2015-07/30/content_11999399.htm &quot;Lin Yutang's 'Red Chamber Dream' discovered&quot;], ''Shenzhen Daily'' (30 July 2015).

[[File:Shitou Hongloumeng Tuyong.jpg|thumb|The only way in which I could perhaps repay him would be with the tears shed during the whole of a mortal lifetime if he and I were ever to be reborn as humans in the world below.]]

* The more cunning a man is, the less he suspects that he will be caught in a simple thing. The more cunning a man is, the simpler the trap he must be caught in.

* Does not the good man fulfill his duty when he practices skilfully and scrupulously the art transmitted to him? If in your youth you honor your father, you will gladly learn from him. If in your manhood you carry this knowledge farther, maybe your son will reach a higher goal. 

* So even hell has laws?

* With fairest images of dreams infold him,&lt;br /&gt;Plunge him in seas of sweet untruth!

* Only despise reason and knowledge, the highest strength of humanity; only permit thyself to be confirmed in delusion and sorcery-work by the spirit of lies,—and I have thee unconditionally.

* A love-sick fool like this would puff away&lt;br /&gt;Sun, moon, and stars, with pure indifference,&lt;br /&gt;To please his mistress.

* No dagger's here which has not streamed with blood,&lt;br /&gt;No cup which has not poured a hot, consuming flood&lt;br /&gt;Of poison into some quite healthy frame,&lt;br /&gt;No gem that has not brought some lovely maid to shame.

* I am content to have the sun behind me.&lt;br /&gt;The cataract there storming through the cliff—&lt;br /&gt;the more I watch it, the more is my delight.&lt;br /&gt;From fall to fall it swirls, gushing forth&lt;br /&gt;in streams that soon are many, many more,&lt;br /&gt;into the air all loudly tossing spray and foam.&lt;br /&gt;But see how, rising from this turbulence,&lt;br /&gt;the [[rainbow]] forms its changing-unchanged arch,&lt;br /&gt;now clearly drawn, now evanescent,&lt;br /&gt;and casts cool, fragrant showers all about it.&lt;br /&gt;Of human striving it's a perfect symbol—&lt;br /&gt;ponder this well to understand more clearly&lt;br /&gt;that what we have as life is many-hued reflection.

* Leap as you like, and go on leaping,&lt;br /&gt;But beware of flying freely, you are not allowed to fly!

* The Night seems deeper now to press around me,&lt;br /&gt;But in my inmost spirit all is light.

* He only earns his freedom and existence,&lt;br /&gt;Who daily conquers them anew.

* The acknowledgement that the text seeks to exact from its reader is ... not only that fiction betokens a systematic reinforcement of illusion, but also that it focalizes, ironically, both the need and danger of that reinforcement. ... The profound paradox emerging from Cao Xueqin's masterpiece seems to be that the illusion of life, itself a painful avowal of the non-reality and untruth of reality, can only be grasped through the illusion of art, which is an affirmation of the truth of insubstantiality (that is, ''jia zhong you zhen''). ... [W]hat, for the Chinese, is the all-too-familiar lesson, old as [[Zhuangzi]]'s butterfly and the ''[[w:Laṅkāvatāra Sūtra|Laṅkāvatāra Sūtra]]'', that &quot;human life is but a dream (''rensheng ru meng'')&quot;—a lesson painfully acquired by the book's author, its protagonists, and by many of its characters, driven home by experiences that yield &quot;hot and bitter tears&quot;.
** [[w:Anthony C. Yu|Anthony C. Yu]], ''Rereading the Stone: Desire and the Making of Fiction in'' Dream of the Red Chamber (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1997), pp. 48–49

* Thrown into incarnation, [Stone and Plant] must settle their &quot;case&quot; in the human world by working through a life governed by memory and emotion, illusion and enlightenment. ... Only when [Jia Baoyu] has tasted the intoxication of romance, the ambivalence of age, the bitterness of betrayal, and the ineradicable pain of mortal separation can he lay claim to the perspicacity of Buddhist vision (''kanpodi'' [literally, to see through it]).
** pp. 121 and 125

* Just at the point when we were at a loss as to what to use for the further development of our story ...
** p. 48

* It's an absolutely magical work. ... It's about everything, so much detail, and yet the bigger picture is so inspiring. It's about that extraordinary cross connection between human feelings and the ability to see through human feelings – ''kan po hong chen''（看破紅塵). But even though you ''kan po hong chen'', you still have strong feelings. That's what so special about ''The Stone''. It captures that. For me that's what I read about. Every time you read, you find more depth, more detail. ... The author communicates – for lack of a better word, what I would just call – love. It's a love for humanity. ... Love is one of the great mysteries of life. There is nothing more sacred, nothing more mysterious, nothing more powerful. I come back to that – great literature is nearly always full of love, in a very broad sense. ... You come out of the book with a warm feeling.
** [[w:John Minford|John Minford]], as quoted in [http://www.master-insight.com/professor-john-minford-living-the-classical-ways/ &quot;Professor John Minford: living the classical ways&quot;], ''master-insight.com'' (23 March 2016)

* ...Bao-yu posed a special problem for the editor and/or author of the final chapters. To be consistent with the pattern of change established during the narrative—that nothing that shares in life may avoid change—Cao [Xue Qin] or Gao [E] not only bestows on Bao-yu an unseemly amount of loss and sorrow in the last chapters, but also creates in him an oddly abrupt impulse to apply himself to rigorous study in preparation for the Examinations, immediately prior to his return to the Great Void. After Bao-yu finishes seventh overall in the Examinations, Jia Zheng is overjoyed—Boa-yu has finally yielded, and in high fashion. At the last moment before he leaves this world, &quot;his earthly obligations fulfilled,&quot; Bao-yu encounters his father and kowtows four times before him. Such achievement and piety are inconsistent with the character of Bao-yu (and stone) as developed over the first one hundred chapters. This final reconciliation of antagonisms Gao E evidently saw to be his principal task in polishing the work—or Cao Xue Qin decided finally to harmonize some clearly dissonant elements rather hastily. Bao-yu's retreat from this world, accompanied by the two immortals, also fulfills his urge for reclusiveness, witnessed throughout the text—and made possible (as I believe it likely would be if indeed Cao Xue Qin had finished the work) only by finally extricating himself completely from existence in this world. The change/stasis conflict between father and son is resolved, then, by realizing the fulfillment of both opposing forces: change, and freedom from change.
** Geoffrey R. Kain, [https://commons.erau.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=&amp;httpsredir=1&amp;article=1204&amp;amp;context=publication &quot;Change and Stasis in Dream of the Red Chamber&quot; (1991)]

[[File:Heinrich Leutemann - Hannibals Übergang über die Alpen (cropped).jpg|thumb|The higher they climbed in their struggle to reach the top, the harder grew their toil. When one height had been mastered, a second opens and springs up before their aching sight.]]
[[File:Dschuang-Dsi-Schmetterlingstraum-Zhuangzi-Butterfly-Dream.jpg|thumb|The profound [[paradox]] emerging from Cao Xueqin's masterpiece seems to be that the [[illusion]] of [[life]], itself a painful avowal of the non-reality and untruth of reality, can only be grasped through the illusion of [[art]], which is an affirmation of the truth of insubstantiality. ~ [[w:Anthony C. Yu|Anthony C. Yu]]]]
[[File:Herbert Giles.jpg|thumb|As a panorama of Chinese social life, in which almost every imaginable feature is submitted in turn to the reader, the ''Hung Lou Mêng'' is altogether without a rival. Reduced to its simplest terms, it is an original and effective love story, written for the most part in an easy, almost colloquial, style, full of humorous and pathetic episodes of everyday human life, and interspersed with short poems of high literary finish. ~ [[w:Herbert Giles|Herbert Giles]]]]
* The ''Hung Lou Mêng'', conveniently but erroneously known as &quot;The Dream of the Red Chamber,&quot; is the work...touching the highest point of development reached by the Chinese novel. ... No fewer than 400 personages of more or less importance are introduced first and last into the story, the plot of which is worked out with a completeness worthy of [[Henry Fielding|Fielding]], while the delineation of character—of so many characters—recalls the best efforts of the greatest novelists of the West. As a panorama of Chinese social life, in which almost every imaginable feature is submitted in turn to the reader, the ''Hung Lou Mêng'' is altogether without a rival. Reduced to its simplest terms, it is an original and effective love story, written for the most part in an easy, almost colloquial, style, full of humorous and pathetic episodes of everyday human life, and interspersed with short poems of high literary finish. The opening chapters, which are intended to form a link between the world of spirits and the world of mortals, belong to the supernatural; after that the story runs smoothly along upon earthly lines, always, however, overshadowed by the near presence of spiritual influences.
** [[w:Herbert Giles|Herbert Giles]], ''A History of Chinese Literature'' (1901), pp. 355–356

* 时逢三五便团圆，满把清光护玉栏。&lt;br /&gt;天上一轮才捧出，人间万姓仰头看。
** In thrice five nights her perfect O is made,&lt;br /&gt;Whose cold light bathes each marble balustrade.&lt;br /&gt;As her bright wheel starts on its starry ways,&lt;br /&gt;On earth ten thousand heads look up and gaze.
*** Chapter 1

* 忽迎面突出插天的大玲珑山石来，四面群绕各式石块，竟把里面所有房屋悉皆遮住。且一树花木也无，只见许多异草，或有牵藤的，或有引蔓的，或垂山岭，或穿石脚，甚至垂檐绕柱，萦砌盘阶，或如翠带飘摇，或如金绳蟠屈，或实若丹砂，或花如金桂，味香气馥，非凡花之可比。
** A miniature mountain of rock, whose many holes and fissures, worn through it by weathering or the wash of waters, bestowed on it a misleading appearance of fragile delicacy, towered up in front of him and combined with the many smaller rocks of various shapes and sizes which surrounded it to efface from their view every vestige of the building they had just been looking at.&lt;br /&gt;Not a single tree grew in this enclosure, only plants and herbs:&lt;br /&gt;some aspired as vines,&lt;br /&gt;some crept humbly on the ground;&lt;br /&gt;some grew down from the tops of rocks,&lt;br /&gt;some upwards from their feet;&lt;br /&gt;some hung from the eaves in waving trails of green,&lt;br /&gt;some clung to pillars in circling bands of gold;&lt;br /&gt;some had blood-red berries,&lt;br /&gt;some had golden flowers.&lt;br /&gt;And from every flower and every plant and every herb wafted the most exquisite and incomparable fragrances.
*** Chapter 17

* 焦首朝朝还暮暮，煎心日日复年年。
** My head burns through the night and through the day,&lt;br /&gt;And year by year my heart consumes away.
*** Chapter 22

* 過去未來，莫謂智賢能打破；&lt;br /&gt;前因后果，須知親近不相逢。
** Human Wit can ne'er unveil the Mysteries of Time,&lt;br /&gt;Nor Closest Kin defy the Stern Decrees of Fate.
*** Chapter 116

* [Don Quixote's] reading reading of reality, like his reading of the romances of chivalry, is absolutely sincere and in deadly earnest. The question ... is ''why'' does Don Quixote read reality the way he does, in light of the code of chivalresque literature, and ''why'' does Sancho interpret reality through a different, more historical and prosaic code? The answer is that each man reads the way he does because he is who he is, or more accurately, who he has become. ... Life presents us with choices, each of us chooses one possibility instead of the others available on each occasion. Over time our choices organize themselves into a pattern typical of each of us. Our history, the aggregate of the choices we have made, comes to define our personality. We are what we have become. In literary terms, this is the phenomenon known as &quot;character.&quot; ... Don Quixote reads reality the way he does because he needs to make the romances of chivalry true. He needs to do this because he is psychotic, and he is psychotic because he has chosen to react in certain ways and not others to the pressures life has subjected him to.
** Carroll B. Johnson, ''Don Quixote: The Quest for Modern Fiction'' (2000), p. 96

* 苦绛珠魂归离恨天　病神瑛泪洒相思地
** Crimson Pearl's suffering spirit returns to the Realm of Separation&lt;br /&gt;And the convalescent Stone-in-waiting weeps at the scene of past affection
*** Chapter 98

* I am inclined to believe that no man who has not known the pleasure of letting his toes touch the wet grass can truly know God.
** p. 21

* I think sometimes the universe is not big enough to hold the heart of a child.
** pp. 24–25

* It really does not matter at all to what college a man goes; the important thing is a good library.
** p. 29

* Any Chinese laundryman was better acquainted with the heroes and heroines of the ''[[Romance of the Three Kingdoms|Three Kingdoms]]'' than I was. I had known even in my childhood that [[w:Battle of Jericho|Joshua's trumpets had blown down the walls of Jericho]]. When I discovered that the tears of [[w:Lady Meng Jiang|Chi Liang's widow]], on finding her husband dead as conscript labor to build the Great Wall, had melted away a good section of the Great Wall, my rage was terrible. I had been cheated of my national heritage. That was what a good Puritan Christian education could do to a Chinese boy.
** [[Lin Yutang]], ''From Pagan to Christian'' (1959), p. 35

* I have dwelt in the mansion of Confucian humanism, and climbed the peaks of Mount Tao and beheld its glories, and have had glimpses of the dissolving mist of Buddhism hanging over a terrifying void, and only after doing so have I ascended the Jungfrau of Christian belief and reached the world of sunlight above the clouds.
** p. 64

* [Parmenides] assumed Love or Desire as a first principle in things... For he says, where he is describing the creation of the universe, &quot;Love she created first of all the gods.&quot;
** [[Aristotle]], ''Metaphysics'', Book 1, section 984b (trans. Hugh Tredennick)

* Tripitaka said, &quot;The disciples of this poor monk are rather ugly in their appearances, and they dare not enter the court without permission. For I fear that they might cause too great a shock to your Majesty.&quot; ... &quot;Summon them in.&quot; ... When the king saw how hideous they were, he was immediately frightened. ... &quot;Elder, it's a good thing that you told me about them before. If you hadn't, the sudden sight of them would have scared me to death!&quot;
** Chapter 29

* Delivered from their mortal flesh and bone,&lt;br /&gt;A primal spirit of mutual love has grown.&lt;br /&gt;Their work done, they become Buddhas this day,&lt;br /&gt;Free of their former [[w:Ayatana|six-six senses]]' sway.
** Chapter 98

* Economics is not a zero-sum game.

* It seems that in writing a composition, one must first have in mind a reason for writing. If there is a reason behind it, no matter what one writes about, it will turn out to be excellent writing. If there is no reason behind it, there is no way to write. Even if one can produce something, it will be as dry and unpleasant as chewing wax.
** [[Jin Shengtan]] on the ''Shui-hu chuan'', § 26

* 解落三秋叶，&lt;br /&gt;能开二月花。&lt;br /&gt;过江千尺浪，&lt;br /&gt;入竹万竿斜。
** In the third month of autumn it blows down the leaves,&lt;br /&gt;It can open up the second month's flowers.&lt;br /&gt;On the river, waves of a thousand feet,&lt;br /&gt;Among the bamboo, ten thousand dry and slanting.
** Li Qiao (&lt;!--李峤; --&gt;645–714), [http://www.chinese-poems.com/lq1t.html &quot;Wind&quot;] (《风》)

* Here among flowers a single jug of wine,&lt;br /&gt;No close friends here, I pour alone&lt;br /&gt;And lift a cup to bright moon, ask it to join me,&lt;br /&gt;Then face my shadow and we become three.&lt;br /&gt;The moon never has known how to drink,&lt;br /&gt;All my shadow does is follow my body,&lt;br /&gt;But with moon and shadow as companions a while,&lt;br /&gt;This joy I find will surely last till spring.&lt;br /&gt;I sing, the moon just lingers on,&lt;br /&gt;I dance, and my shadow scatters wildly.&lt;br /&gt;When still sober we share friendship and pleasure,&lt;br /&gt;Then entirely drunk each goes his own way—&lt;br /&gt;Let us join in travels beyond human feelings&lt;br /&gt;And plan to meet far in the river of stars.
** &quot;Drinking Alone by Moonlight&quot; (trans. Stephen Owen)

* I would rather be dead.
** [[w:Arthur Waley|Arthur Waley]], response when offered the Chair in Chinese at Cambridge, as quoted in ''Orientalism and the Operatic World'' (2015) by Nicholas Tarling, p. 78

* Fitted out appropriately, I step inside the venerable courts of the ancients, where, solicitously received by them, I nourish myself on that food that alone is mine and for which I was born; where I am unashamed to converse with them and to question them about the motives for their actions, and they, out of their human kindness, answer me. And for four hours at a time I feel no boredom, I forget all my troubles, I do not dread poverty, and I am not terrified by death. I absorb myself into them completely.
** [[Niccolò Machiavelli]], [http://www2.idehist.uu.se/distans/ilmh/Ren/flor-mach-lett-vettori.htm letter to Francesco Vettori] (10 December 1513), in ''The Prince'', trans. James B. Atkinson (New York: Macmillan, 1985), pp. 18–19

* Translation it is that openeth the window, to let in the light; that breaketh the shell, that we may eat the kernel; that putteth aside the curtain, that we may look into the most holy place; that removeth the cover of the well, that we may come by the water.
** [[w:Miles Smith (bishop)|Miles Smith]], 'The Translators to the Reader', Preface to the [[King James Version]] (1611)

* Elegant imitation has strange powers of interesting us in certain views of nature. These we consider but transiently, till the poet, or painter, awake our attention, and send us back to life with a new curiosity, which we owe entirely to the copies which they lay before us. [The copies] have this advantage over real life, that they are susceptible of a more deliberate examination and close comparison, than the fleeting and dispersed originals will admit.
** [[w:Robert Wood (antiquarian)|Robert Wood]], 'To the Reader', Preface to ''An Essay on the Original Genius and Writings of Homer'' (1775), pp. xiii–xiv

[[File:Falling Spring (2) (9525645741).jpg|thumb|A floating fern minds not the swift, strong stream—&lt;br /&gt;destined to drift, it drifts no matter where.]]
* Phận bèo bao quản nước sa,&lt;br /&gt;Lênh đênh đâu nữa cũng là lênh đênh.
** A floating fern minds not the swift, strong stream—&lt;br /&gt;destined to drift, it drifts no matter where.
*** Lines 2019–2020

* Ở đây cửa Phật là không hẹp gì.
** The Buddha's gate is open wide to all.
** Line 2076

* A hundred years—in this life span on earth,&lt;br /&gt;how apt to clash, talent and destiny!&lt;br /&gt;Men's fortunes change even as nature shifts—&lt;br /&gt;the sea now rolls where mulberry fields grew.&lt;br /&gt;One watches things that make one sick at heart.&lt;br /&gt;This is the law: no gain without a loss,&lt;br /&gt;and Heaven hurts fair women for sheer spite.

[[File:Enea Vagante, Mitelli - Sinone imprigionato.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}&lt;p&gt;''Ab uno disce omnes.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;From one learn all.&lt;/p&gt;{{center/e}}]]
* ''Quam illae quibus tenere cogebar Aeneae nescio cuius errores, oblitus errorum meorum, et plorare Didonem mortuam, quia se occidit ab amore, cum interea me ipsum in his a te morientem, deus, vita mea, siccis oculis ferrem miserrimus.''
** I was forced to memorise the wanderings of Aeneas—whoever ''he'' was—while forgetting my own wanderings; and to [[weep]] for the death of [[w:Dido|Dido]] who killed herself for love, while bearing dry-eyed my own pitiful state, in that among these studies I was becoming dead to You, O God, my life.
** [[Augustine of Hippo]], ''[[w:Confessions (Augustine)|Confessions]]'' (400), 1.13.20 (tr. F. J. Sheed)

[[File:7 Nicolo di Pietro. 1413-15. The Saint Augustine Taken to School by Saint Monica. Pinacoteca, Vatican..jpg|thumb|I was forced to memorise the wanderings of Aeneas—whoever ''he'' was—while forgetting my own wanderings; and to weep for the death of Dido who killed herself for love, while bearing dry-eyed my own pitiful state, in that among these studies I was becoming dead to You, O God, my life. ~ [[Augustine of Hippo]]]]
* &lt;p&gt;''Nam utique meliores, quia certiores, erant primae illae litterae quibus fiebat in me et factum est et habeo illud ut et legam, si quid scriptum invenio, et scribam ipse, si quid volo, quam illae quibus tenere cogebar Aeneae nescio cuius errores, oblitus errorum meorum, et plorare Didonem mortuam, quia se occidit ab amore, cum interea me ipsum in his a te morientem, deus, vita mea, siccis oculis ferrem miserrimus.''&lt;/p&gt;''Quid enim miserius misero non miserante se ipsum et flente Didonis mortem, quae fiebat amando Aenean, non flente autem mortem suam, quae fiebat non amando te, deus, lumen cordis mei et panis oris intus animae meae et virtus maritans mentem meam et sinum cogitationis meae? non te amabam, et fornicabar abs te, et fornicanti sonabat undique: 'euge! euge!' amicitia enim mundi huius fornicatio est abs te et 'euge! euge!' dicitur ut pudeat, si non ita homo sit. et haec non flebam, et flebam Didonem extinctam ferroque extrema secutam, sequens ipse extrema condita tua relicto te et terra iens in terram. et si prohiberer ea legere, dolerem, quia non legerem quod dolerem. tali dementia honestiores et uberiores litterae putantur quam illae quibus legere et scribere didici.''
** &lt;p&gt;[The] first lessons were the surer. I acquired the power I still have to read what I find written and to write what I want to express; whereas in the studies that came later I was forced to memorise the wanderings of Aeneas—whoever ''he'' was—while forgetting my own wanderings; and to [[weep]] for the death of [[w:Dido|Dido]] who killed herself for love, while bearing dry-eyed my own pitiful state, in that among these studies I was becoming dead to You, O God, my life.&lt;/p&gt; Nothing could be more pitiful than a pitiable creature who does not see to pity himself, and weeps for the death that Dido suffered through love of Aeneas and not for the death he suffers himself through not loving You, O God, Light of my heart, Bread of my soul, Power wedded to my mind and the depths of my thought. I did not love You and I went away from You in fornication: and all around me in my fornication echoed applauding cries: &quot;Well done! Well done!&quot; ''[http://biblehub.com/james/4-4.htm For the friendship of this world is fornication against Thee:]'' and the world cries &quot;Well done&quot; so loudly that one is ashamed of unmanliness not to do it. And for this I did not grieve; but I grieved for Dido, slain as she sought by the sword an end to her woe, while I too followed after the lowest of Your creatures, forsaking You, earth going unto earth. And if I were kept from reading, I grieved at not reading the tales that caused me such grief. This sort of folly is held nobler and richer than the studies by which we learn to read and write!
** [[Augustine of Hippo]], ''[[w:Confessions (Augustine)|Confessions]]'' (400), 1.13.20–21 (tr. F. J. Sheed)

[[File:Benjamin West - The Cave of Despair - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|Death is the end of Woes: die soon, O Fairy's Son.]]
[[File:Walter Crane - Britomart (1900).jpg|thumb|Be bold, Be bold, and every where Be bold...&lt;br /&gt;Be not too bold.]]
[[File:2015-08-07 23-13-18 orage.jpg|thumb|Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,&lt;br /&gt;We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.&lt;br /&gt;As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,&lt;br /&gt;Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.&lt;br /&gt;Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,&lt;br /&gt;Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,&lt;br /&gt;An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,&lt;br /&gt;An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
[[File:Paris - Playing chess at the Jardins du Luxembourg - 2966.jpg|thumb|It was like when you make a move in chess and just as you take your finger off the piece, you see the mistake you've made, and there's this panic because you don't know yet the scale of disaster you've left yourself open to.]]
[[File:Iglesia de San Blas, Cuenca 04.jpg|thumb|Ring them bells so the world will know that God is one.]]

* ''Quot lepores in Atho, quot apes pascuntur in Hybla,&lt;br /&gt;Caerula quot bacas Palladis arbor habet,&lt;br /&gt;Litore quot conchae, tot sunt in amore dolores;&lt;br /&gt;Quae patimur, multo spicula felle madent.''
** As grazing hares on Athos, or as Hybla's bees;&lt;br /&gt;Like olives thick on Pallas' gray-green trees,&lt;br /&gt;Or conchs that dot the shore: these are love's grieving hearts,&lt;br /&gt;targets of a thousand poison darts.
*** Book II, lines 517–520 (tr. Len Krisak)

* ''Exigua est virtus praestare silentia rebus:&lt;br /&gt;At contra gravis est culpa tacenda loqui.''
** Holding your tongue's a modest virtue; giving in&lt;br /&gt;To whispering sacred rites, a heinous sin.
*** Book II, lines 603–604 (tr. Len Krisak)

* ''Accipitri timidas credis, furiose, columbas?&lt;br /&gt;Plenum montano credis ovile lupo?''
** Madman, do you trust doves to a kite?&lt;br /&gt;Or a full sheepfold to a wolf at night?
*** Book II, lines 363–364 (tr. James Michie)

* ''Parva leves capiunt animos.''
** A frivolous mind is won by small attentions.
*** Book I, line 159 (tr. [[w:James Michie|James Michie]])

* ''Spirat adhuc amor&lt;br /&gt;vivuntque commissi calores&lt;br /&gt;Aeoliae fidibus puellae.''
** Enchanting Sappho's lyric Muse&lt;br /&gt;In every breast must love infuse;&lt;br /&gt;Love breathes on every tender string,&lt;br /&gt;And still in melting notes we hear her sing.
** [[Horace]], ''Odes'', IV, ix, 10–13 (tr. Duncombe)

* ''Si mihi difficilis formam natura negavit,&lt;br /&gt;ingenio formae damna repende meae.&lt;br /&gt;sum brevis. at nomen, quod terras impleat omnes,&lt;br /&gt;est mihi: mensuram nominis ipsa fero.&lt;br /&gt;candida si non sum, placuit Cepheia Perseo&lt;br /&gt;Andromede patriae fusca colore suae.&lt;br /&gt;et variis albae iunguntur saepe columbae&lt;br /&gt;et niger a viridi turtur amatur ave.&lt;br /&gt;si nisi quae facie poterit te digna videri,&lt;br /&gt;nulla futura tua est, nulla futura tua est!''
** To me what Nature has in charms denied&lt;br /&gt;Is well by wit's more lasting flames supplied.&lt;br /&gt;Though short my stature, yet my name extends&lt;br /&gt;To heaven itself and earth's remotest ends:&lt;br /&gt;Brown as I am, [[w:Andromeda (mythology)|an Aethiopian dame]]&lt;br /&gt;Inspired young [[w:Perseus|Perseus]] with a generous flame:&lt;br /&gt;Turtles and doves of different hue unite,&lt;br /&gt;glossy jet is paired with shining white.&lt;br /&gt;If to no charms thou wilt thy heart resign&lt;br /&gt;But such as merit, such as equal thine,&lt;br /&gt;By none, alas, by none thou canst be moved;&lt;br /&gt;[[w:Phaon|Phaon]] alone by Phaon must be loved.
** [[Ovid]], ''Heroides'', Epistle XV: Sappho to Phaon, lines 31–40 (tr. [[Alexander Pope|Pope]])

* ''Hic ego cum lassos posuissem flebilis artus,&lt;br /&gt;constitit ante oculos Naias una meos;&lt;br /&gt;constitit et dixit: &quot;quoniam non ignibus aequis&lt;br /&gt;ureris, Ambracia est terra petenda tibi.&lt;br /&gt;Phoebus ab excelso, quantum patet, adspicit aequor:&lt;br /&gt;Actiacum populi Leucadiumque vocant.&lt;br /&gt;hinc se Deucalion Pyrrhae succensus amore&lt;br /&gt;misit, et illaeso corpore pressit aquas.&lt;br /&gt;nec mora, versus amor fugit lentissima mersi&lt;br /&gt;pectora; Deucalion igne levatus erat.&lt;br /&gt;hanc legem locus ille tenet. pete protinus altam&lt;br /&gt;Leucada nec saxo desiluisse time!&quot;&lt;br /&gt;Ut monuit, cum voce abiit. ego frigida surgo&lt;br /&gt;nec lacrimas oculi continuere mei.&lt;br /&gt;ibimus, o nymphe, monstrataque saxa petemus;&lt;br /&gt;sit procul insano victus amore timor.&lt;br /&gt;quidquid erit, melius quam nunc erit. aura, subito—&lt;br /&gt;et mea non magnum corpora pondus habent.&lt;br /&gt;tu quoque, mollis Amor, pinnas suppone cadenti,&lt;br /&gt;ne sim Leucadiae mortua crimen aquae.''
** Here as I lay, and swelled with tears the flood,&lt;br /&gt;Before my sight a watry virgin stood,&lt;br /&gt;She stood and cried, &quot;O you that love in vain!&lt;br /&gt;Fly hence; and seek the fair [[w:Lefkada|Leucadian]] main;&lt;br /&gt;There stands a rock from whose impending steep&lt;br /&gt;Apollo's fane surveys the rolling deep;&lt;br /&gt;There injured lovers, leaping from above,&lt;br /&gt;Their flames extinguish, and forget to love.&lt;br /&gt;[[w:Deucalion|Deucalion]] once with hopeless Fury burned,&lt;br /&gt;In vain he loved, relentless [[w:Pyrrha|Pyrrha]] scorned;&lt;br /&gt;But when from hence he plunged into the main,&lt;br /&gt;Deucalion scorned, and Pyrrha loved in vain.&lt;br /&gt;Haste Sapho, haste from high Leucadia throw&lt;br /&gt;Thy wretched weight, nor dread the deeps below!&quot;&lt;br /&gt;She spoke, and vanished with the voice—I rise,&lt;br /&gt;And silent tears fall trickling from my eyes.&lt;br /&gt;I go, ye nymphs! those rocks and seas to prove;&lt;br /&gt;How much I fear, but ah! how much I love!&lt;br /&gt;I go, ye nymphs! where furious love inspires:&lt;br /&gt;Let female fears submit to female fires!&lt;br /&gt;To rocks and seas I fly from Phaon's hate,&lt;br /&gt;And hope from seas and rocks a milder fate.&lt;br /&gt;Ye gentle gales, beneath my body blow,&lt;br /&gt;And softly lay me on the waves below!&lt;br /&gt;And thou, kind love, my sinking limbs sustain,&lt;br /&gt;Spread thy soft wings, and waft me over the main,&lt;br /&gt;Nor let a lover's death the guiltless flood profane!
** [[Ovid]], ''Heroides'', Epistle XV: Sappho to Phaon, lines 161–180 (tr. Pope)

* My friends, this is not the first trouble we have known. We have suffered worse before, and this too will pass. God will see to it.

*  Your task is to endure and save yourselves for better days.

* On them I impose no limits of time or place. I have given them an empire that will know no end.

* Aeneas loved these scenes on Vulcan's shield,&lt;br /&gt;His mother's gift—but didn't know the stories.&lt;br /&gt;He shouldered his descendants' glorious fate.

[[File:Rose feucht.jpg|thumb|Pleasant are the words of the song, and lovely are the tales of other times. They are like the dew of the morning on the hill of roses, when the sun is faint on its side, and the lake is settled and blue in the vale.]]

* ''Hominum divomque voluptas,&lt;br /&gt;alma Venus.''
** Delight of Gods and men,&lt;br /&gt;Dear Venus.
** Book I, lines 1–2 (tr. W. E. Leonard)

* ''Carmina musaeo contingens cuncta lepore.''
** O'erlaying all with the muses' charm.
** Book I, line 934 (tr. Munro)

* ''Floriferis ut apes in saltibus omnia libant,&lt;br /&gt;omnia nos itidem depascimur aurea dicta.''
** As bees sip of all things in the flowery lawns, we, o glorious being, in like manner feed from out thy pages upon all the golden maxims.
** Book III, lines 11–12 (tr. Munro)

* ''Populumque potentem&lt;br /&gt;in sua victrici conversum viscera dextra.''
** How a powerful people&lt;br /&gt;turned on its own heart its conquering hand.
** Book I, lines 2–3 (tr. Matthew Fox)

* ''Invida fatorum series summisque negatum&lt;br/&gt;stare diu nimioque graves sub pondere lapsus&lt;br/&gt;nec se Roma ferens.''
** But thus the malice of our fate commands,&lt;br /&gt;And nothing great to long duration stands;&lt;br /&gt;Aspiring Rome had risen too much in height,&lt;br /&gt;And sunk beneath her own unwieldy weight.
** Book I, line 70 (tr. by Nicholas Rowe).
** J. D. Duff's translation: It was the chain of jealous fate, and the speedy fall which no eminence can escape; it was the grievous collapse of excessive weight, and Rome unable to support her own greatness.

[[File:The Sun taking Z's.JPG|thumb|Thou shalt sleep in thy clouds, careless of the voice of the morning.]]
[[File:Orlando Paladino (Antonio Tempesta).jpg|thumb|'Arms of Orlando, paladin', / By this inscription meaning to deter / Whoever saw the splendid trophy shine, / As though to say: 'Hands off, all who pass by, / Unless Orlando's strength you wish to try.']]

* O sudden woe, that ev'r art successour&lt;br /&gt;To worldly bliss! sprent is with bitterness&lt;br /&gt;Th' end of our joy, of our worldly labour;&lt;br /&gt;Woe occupies the fine of our gladness.&lt;br /&gt;Hearken this counsel, for thy sickerness:&lt;br /&gt;Upon thy glade days have in thy mind&lt;br /&gt;The unware woe of harm, that comes behind.

As is her beauty, so his modesty:&lt;br /&gt;he yearns much, hopes little, asks nothing.

[[File:Aeneas and his Father Fleeing Troy by Simon Vouet, San Diego Museum of Art.JPG|thumb|So come, dear father, climb up onto my shoulders!&lt;br /&gt;I will carry you on my back. This labor of love&lt;br /&gt;will never wear me down. Whatever falls to us now,&lt;br /&gt;we both will share one peril, one path to safety.]]

* ''Mal può durar il rosignuolo in gabbia,&lt;br /&gt;più vi sta il gardelino, e più il fanello;&lt;br /&gt;la rondine in un dì vi mor di rabbia.''
** The nightingale but ill endures the cage:&lt;br /&gt;The linnet and the finch live longer there:&lt;br /&gt;But in one day the swallow dies of rage.
** [[Ludovico Ariosto]], ''Satire'' III, lines 37–39

[[File:Love heart.jpg|thumb|No matter how deep the darkness, a light shines within.]]

== Miscellaneous ==
&lt;gallery&gt;
Spas vsederzhitel sinay.jpg|The kingdom of God cometh not with observation:&lt;br /&gt;Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.
King-James-Version-Bible-first-edition-title-page-1611.png|Translation it is that openeth the window, to let in the light.
Areopagitica 1644bw gobeirne.png|Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties.
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
The North Wind and the Sun - Wind - Project Gutenberg etext 19994.jpg|Loud Threatnings make men stubborn...
The North Wind and the Sun - Sun - Project Gutenberg etext 19994.jpg|... but kind Words&lt;br /&gt;Pierce gentle Breasts sooner than sharpest Swords.
Alexander Pope circa 1736.jpeg|A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
Bertrand Russell (1872 – 1970) as a young boy.jpg|The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge.
Sugarloaf Sunrise 2.jpg|I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
Pale Blue Dot.png|When you're in love, you want to tell the world.
&lt;/gallery&gt;

== [[Dante Alighieri]] ==
&lt;gallery&gt;
Dante Gabriel Rossetti - Beata Beatrix, 1864-1870.jpg|To her perfection all of beauty tends.
Dante e Beatrice XIV century.jpg|You dull your own perceptions&lt;br /&gt;with false imaginings and do not grasp&lt;br /&gt;what would be clear but for your preconceptions.
Paradiso Canto 31.jpg|In His will is our peace.
&lt;/gallery&gt;

== [[Virgil]] ==
&lt;gallery&gt;
Publius Vergilius Maro1.jpg|Love conquers all, and we must yield to Love.
Aeneas and the Sibyl - Google Art Project.jpg|The gates of hell are open night and day;&lt;br /&gt;Smooth the descent, and easy is the way:&lt;br /&gt;But to return, and view the cheerful skies,&lt;br /&gt;In this the task and mighty labor lies.
Aeneas Latium BM GR1927.12-12.1.jpg|Learn courage from me, my son, true hardship too. Learn good luck from others.
&lt;/gallery&gt;
&lt;!--
== [[Apollonius of Rhodes]] ==
&lt;gallery&gt;
Waterhouse Hylas and the Nymphs Manchester Art Gallery 1896.15.jpg|She threw her left arm round his neck in her eagerness to kiss his gentle lips. Then with her right hand she drew his elbow down and plunged him in midstream.
Jason carries Hera across the river.jpg|I was disguised as an old woman and he took pity on me, lifted me up, and carried me across the flood on his shoulders. For that, I will never cease to honour him.
Jean-François de Troy - Jason swearing eternal affection to Medea.jpg|Thus he spake, honouring her; and she cast her eyes down with a smile divinely sweet; and her soul melted within her.
&lt;/gallery&gt;
--&gt;
== [[Homer]] ==
&lt;gallery&gt;
Helen of Troy.jpg|What man can blame&lt;br /&gt;The Greekes and Trojans to endure, for so admired a Dame,&lt;br /&gt;So many miseries, and so long? In her sweet countenance shine&lt;br /&gt;Lookes like the Godesses.
Peter Paul Rubens - Achilles slays Hector.jpg|There can be no covenants between men and lions, wolves and lambs can never be of one mind, but hate each other out and out all through.
Alexandr Ivanov 005.jpg|I have endured what no one on earth has ever done before—&lt;br /&gt;I put to my lips the hands of the man who killed my son.
&lt;/gallery&gt;

* ''Audivi a maximis viris, qui facillime id nosse poterant, Ludovicum Areostum nobilissimum nobilissimae domus praeconem, in duobus primis grandiosis illius poematis sui versibus plusquam credi posse laborasse; neque sibi prius aminum explere potuisse, quam quum illos in omnem partem diu multumque versasset.''
** I have been informed by the greatest men, who could know it very easily, that Lewis Ariosto, that most noble commender of a very august family, took infinite pains in composing the two first verses of his greater poem; and that he could not content his own mind till he had for a long time, turned them every way.
** [[w:Muretus|Muretus]], ''Variae Lectiones'', Book XVIII, Ch. 8; translation from ''A General Dictionary, Historical and Critical'', Vol. VII (1738), p. 97.

* ''Castigatque metus et quas alit inscia curas.''
** And chides her fears and the trouble cherished she knows not why.
** Book VI, line 660

* ''Atracio lunam spumare veneno.''
** Atracian poisons made the moon to foam.
** Book VI, line 447

* ''Nec primus radios, miles Romane, corusci&lt;br /&gt;fulminis et rutilas scutis diffuderis alas.''
** Nor, soldiers of Rome, are ye the first with your shields to spread abroad the flash and glare and flaming pinions of the brand. 
** Book VI, lines 55–56

* ''Phoebe, mone.''
** Phoebus, be thou my guide.
** Book I, line 5

* ''Ultima virgineis tunc flens dedit oscula vittis&lt;br /&gt;quosque fugit complexa toros.''
** Then in tears she kissed for the last time her virgin fillets, and embracing the bed she was leaving ...
** Book VIII, lines 6–7

* ''&lt;nowiki&gt;'&lt;/nowiki&gt;Omnipotens regina,' inquit, 'quam, turbidus atro&lt;br /&gt;aethere caeruleum quateret cum Iuppiter imbrem,&lt;br /&gt;ipse ego praecipiti tumidum per Enipea nimbo&lt;br /&gt;in campos et tuta tuli nec credere quivi&lt;br /&gt;ante deam.'''
** &quot;Almighty Queen,&quot; he says, &quot;whom when turbulent Jove was brandishing a murky tempest in the darkened sky, I bore on my own shoulders across Enipeus swollen by the storms of rain, away to the fields and safety, and could scarce believe thou wert a goddess.&quot;
** Book I, lines 81–85

* ''Inde premente noto tristes Acherusidos oras&lt;br /&gt;praeterit et festa vulgatum nocte Lyaei&lt;br /&gt;Callichoron.''
** Then 'neath the South wind's pressure she passes the grim Acherusian shores and Callichoros famed for the nightly revels of Lyaeus.
** Book V, lines 73–75

* ''Maesti omnes dubiique, ratem fidissima cuius&lt;br /&gt;dextra regat. simul Ancaeus sollersque petebat&lt;br /&gt;Nauplius. Erginum fato vocat ipsa monenti&lt;br /&gt;quercus et ad tonsas victi rediere magistri.''
** Downcast were all, and doubtful whose hand most faithfully should guide the ship; together Ancaeus and wise Nauplius made request. The oak itself at Fate's prompting summons Erginus, and the defeated helmsmen went back to their oars.
** Book V, lines 63–66

* ''Id fati certa nam lege manebat,&lt;br /&gt;siqua per hos undis umquam ratis isset apertis.''
** For that remained sure by Fate's unalterable law, should ever a ship pass between them through an open sea.
** Book IV, lines 709–710

* ''Aquilonia proles&lt;br /&gt;non externa mihi: nam rex ego divitis Hebri&lt;br /&gt;iunctaque vestra meo quondam Cleopatra cubili.''
** Aquilo's sons...are [not] alien to me; for I am king of rich Hebrus, and once was your Cleopatra joined to me in wedlock.
** Book IV, lines 462–464

* ''Intortis adsurgens arduus undis&lt;br /&gt;percussit subito deceptum fragmine pectus.''
** Rising in towering height against the whirling waves suddenly struck his baffled breast with a broken oar.
** Book III, lines 476–477

* ''Prima deum magnis canimus freta pervia natis&lt;br /&gt;fatidicamque ratem, Scythici quae Phasidis oras&lt;br /&gt;ausa sequi mediosque inter iuga concita cursus&lt;br /&gt;rumpere flammifero tandem consedit Olympo.''
** My song is of the straits first navigated by the mighty sons of gods, of the prophetic ship that dared to seek the shores of Scythian Phasis, that burst unswerving through the clashing rocks, to slink at length to rest in the starry firmament.
** Book I, opening lines

* ''Et iam puniceo regem spes vana sub ortu&lt;br /&gt;extulerat, quantis nox una diremerit undis&lt;br /&gt;Aesoniden, liberne freto iam vultus aperto&lt;br /&gt;utque prius totum sileat mare, dumque ea longe&lt;br /&gt;explorare quaeat, contra venit Arcas Echion&lt;br /&gt;dicta ferens iam Circaeis Mavortis in agris&lt;br /&gt;stare virum, daret aeripedes in proelia tauros.&lt;br /&gt;rex 'vocor en ultro' dixit seque abripit aula&lt;br /&gt;'vos mihi nunc primum in flammas invertite, tauri,&lt;br /&gt;aequora, nunc totas aperite et volvite flammas.&lt;br /&gt;exeat Haemonio messis memoranda colono.&lt;br /&gt;tuque tuum pestem in Graium da, nata, draconem&lt;br /&gt;ipsius aspectu pereant in velleris, ipsa&lt;br /&gt;terga mihi diros servent infecta cruores.'&lt;br /&gt;fatur et effusis pandi iubet aequora tauris.&lt;br /&gt;pars et Echionii subeunt immania dentis&lt;br /&gt;semina, pars diri portant grave robur aratri.&lt;br /&gt;at sua magnanimum contra Pagasaea iuventus&lt;br /&gt;stipatque ducem. tum maxima quisque&lt;br /&gt;dicta dedit saevisque procul discessit ab agris.&lt;br /&gt;fixerat ille gradus totoque ex agmine solus&lt;br /&gt;stabat ut extremis desertus ab orbibus axis,&lt;br /&gt;quem iam lassa dies Austrique ardentis harenae&lt;br /&gt;aut quem Rhipaeas exstantem rursus ad arces&lt;br /&gt;nix et caerulei Boreae ferus abstulit horror;&lt;br /&gt;subito attoniti longissima Phasidis unda&lt;br /&gt;trabes omnisque Aeetia tellus&lt;br /&gt;fulsit et ardentes stabula effudere tenebras.&lt;br /&gt;ac velut ex una siquando nube corusci&lt;br /&gt;ira Iovis torsit geminos mortalibus ignes&lt;br /&gt;aut duo cum pariter ruperunt vincula venti&lt;br /&gt;dantque fugam, sic tunc claustris evasit uterque&lt;br /&gt;taurus et immani proflavit turbine flammas&lt;br /&gt;arduus atque atro volvens incendia fluctu.&lt;br /&gt;horruit Argoae legio ratis, horruit audax&lt;br /&gt;qui modo virgineis servari cantibus Idas&lt;br /&gt;flebat et invito prospexit Colchida vultu.&lt;br /&gt;non tulit ipse moras seseque immisit Iason,&lt;br /&gt;diversos postquam ire videt, galeamque minantem&lt;br /&gt;quassat &lt;et&gt; errantem dextra ciet obvius ignem.&lt;br /&gt;ut tandem stetit et torvo se lumine flexit,&lt;br /&gt;prior adversi respexit Iasonis arma,&lt;br /&gt;cunctatus paulum subito furit. aequora non sic&lt;br /&gt;in scopulos irata ruunt eademque recedunt&lt;br /&gt;fracta retro. bis fulmineis se flatibus infert&lt;br /&gt;obnubitque virum, sed non incendia Colchis&lt;br /&gt;adspirare sinit clipeoque inliditur ignis&lt;br /&gt;frigidus et viso pallescit flamma veneno.&lt;br /&gt;inicit Aesonides dextram atque ardentia vincit&lt;br /&gt;cornua, dein totis propendens viribus haeret.&lt;br /&gt;ille virum atque ipsam tunc te, Medea, recusans&lt;br /&gt;concutit et tota nitentem carminis ira&lt;br /&gt;portat; iners tandem gravius mugire recedens&lt;br /&gt;incipit et fesso victus descendere cornu.&lt;br /&gt;respicit hinc socios immania vincula poscens&lt;br /&gt;Aesonides iamque ora premit trahiturque trahitque&lt;br /&gt;obnixusque genu superat cogitque trementes&lt;br /&gt;sub iuga aena toros. alium dehinc turbida Colchis&lt;br /&gt;exarmat lentumque offert timideque minantem&lt;br /&gt;iamque propinquanti noctem[que] implicat. ille fatiscens&lt;br /&gt;in caput inque umeros ipsa vi molis et irae&lt;br /&gt;proruit. invadit totusque incumbit Iason&lt;br /&gt;desuper atque suis defixum flatibus urget&lt;br /&gt;utque dedit vinclis validoque obstrinxit aratro&lt;br /&gt;suscitat ipse genu saevaque agit insuper hasta,&lt;br /&gt;non secus a medio quam si telluris hiatu&lt;br /&gt;terga recentis equi primumque invasit habenis&lt;br /&gt;murmur et in summa Lapithes apparuit Ossa.&lt;br /&gt;Ille, velut campos Libyes ac pinguia Nili&lt;br /&gt;fertilis arva secet, plena sic semina dextra&lt;br /&gt;spargere gaudet agris oneratque novalia bello.&lt;br /&gt;Martius hic primum ter vomere fusus ab ipso&lt;br /&gt;clangor et ex omni sonuerunt cornua sulco,&lt;br /&gt;bellatrix tunc gleba quati pariterque creari&lt;br /&gt;armarique phalanx totisque insurgere campis.&lt;br /&gt;cessit et ad socios paulum se rettulit heros&lt;br /&gt;opperiens ubi prima sibi daret agmina tellus.&lt;br /&gt;at vero ut summis iam rura recedere cristis&lt;br /&gt;vidit et infesta vibrantes casside terras&lt;br /&gt;advolat atque, imo tellus qua proxima collo&lt;br /&gt;necdum umeri videre diem, prior ense sequaci&lt;br /&gt;aequat humo truncos; rutilum thoraca sequenti&lt;br /&gt;aut primas a matre manus premit obvius ante.&lt;br /&gt;nec magis aut illis aut illis milibus ultra&lt;br /&gt;sufficit, ad dirae quam cum Tirynthius Hydrae&lt;br /&gt;agmina Palladios defessus respicit ignes.&lt;br /&gt;ergo iter&lt;um&gt; ad socias convertere Colchidos artes&lt;br /&gt;et galeae nexus ac vincula dissipat imae&lt;br /&gt;cunctaturque tamen totique occurrere bello&lt;br /&gt;ipse cupit. spes nulla datur, sic undique densant&lt;br /&gt;terrigenae iam signa duces clamorque tubaeque.&lt;br /&gt;omnes videre virum iamque omnia contra&lt;br /&gt;tela volant. tum vero amens discrimine tanto&lt;br /&gt;quam modo Tartareo galeam dedit illa veneno&lt;br /&gt;in medios torsit; conversae protinus hastae.&lt;br /&gt;qualis ubi atto&lt;nitos&gt; maestae Phrygas annua Matris&lt;br /&gt;ira vel exsectos lacerat Bellona comatos,&lt;br /&gt;haud secus accensas subito Medea cohortes&lt;br /&gt;implicat et miseros agit in sua proelia fratres.&lt;br /&gt;omnis ibi Aesoniden sterni putat, omnibus ira&lt;br /&gt;aequalis. stupet Aeetes ultroque furentes&lt;br /&gt;ipse viros revocare cupit, sed cuncta iacebant&lt;br /&gt;agmina nec quisquam primus ruit aut super ullus&lt;br /&gt;linquitur atque hausit subito sua funera tellus.''
** And now beneath the scarlet dawn vain hope had sent the king abroad, wondering how great a stretch of waters one night had set between him and Aeson's son, whether the sea was open and inviting to behold and all the ocean quiet as before. And while he is preparing to spy it out from afar, Echion the Arcadian meets him with a message, &quot;that already the hero is standing in the Circean field of Mars: let the king send forth his bronze-footed bulls to battle.&quot; &quot;Lo! of his own accord he challenges me,&quot; he cried, while hope took wings within him. &quot;Now, bulls, now for the first time plough me the furrows into flame, now open forth and send rolling all your fiery blasts. Let the Haemonian husbandman find a notable harvest to his reaping, and do thou, my daughter, at thy sire's behest ply thy serpent against the Grecians. Let them perish in sight of the fleece itself, let its very hid keep the dread stains of blood for me to see.&quot; He speaks, and bids the plain be opened to the charging bulls. Some shoulder the monstrous seeds, the Echionian teeth, others bear the heavy wood of the awful plough. But the great-hearted leader is escorted by a throng of his own men from Pagasae; then with heartening words all withdrew far from the grim fields. Firmly he planted his feet, and out of all his company was standing there alone, as some bird deserted by its wheeling squadrons, cut off by the sands of the burning South where day grows weary, or, as it struggles toward Riphaean heights, by snow and the shuddering fury of the dark North wind; when suddenly the most distant wave of astonied Phasis and the trees of Caucasus and all Aeetes' land flashed bright as the stalls poured forth a glowing darkness. And even as on a time the lightning wrath of Jove sends forth from one cloud two fiery brands upon mankind, or as two winds together break prison and escape: so then did the two bulls issue from the barriers and snort forth a mighty whirlwind of murky flame. Shuddered the crew of Argo, shuddered bold Idas who late was lamenting that a girl's spells had saved him, and despite himself gazed at the maid of Colchis. Jason brooked no delay, but rushed upon them when he saw them parting, and waved his threatening helm, and advancing towards them summons with right hand their wandering fire. When at length the bull who first saw Jason's approaching armour stood still and with angry glance changed his course, he delays a moment, then bursts forth in sudden fury. Not so madly so the seas rush against the cliffs and fall broken back again. Twice with thunderous blasts does he charge the hero and envelop him in cloud, but the Colchian suffers not the burning heat to come nigh him, and the fire cools as it rushes upon his shield, and the flame pales when it feels the poisons. Aesonides puts forth his right hand and tempers the burning horns, then clinging presses them down with all his might. The bull struggles against the hero and against even thee then, Medea, and would fain shake him off, and standing motionless bears him, as he wrestles with all his rage, upon his horns; at length sinking down he begins to bellow with a deeper note, his horns are weary and he falls to the ground beaten. Then the son of Aeson glances towards his friends, calling for the huge bridle, and now he has closed his mouth, drags him and is dragged, and pressing his knee against him overpowers him, and forces the quivering shoulders beneath the brazen yoke. The other bull then does the anxious Colchian rob of his terrors, and brings him to Jason moving slowly and threatening but timidly, and now as he draws near she casts a cloud about him; exhausted he falls upon his head and shoulders by the sheer force of his weight and angry rage: Jason is upon him and from above plies all his strength and presses him down, his own blasts failing him. And when he has got him beneath the yoke and bound him fast in the strong plough, with his knee he makes him rise and goads him also with the ruthless spear: just as when from the midst of the yawning earth a horse came newly forth, and Lapithes leapt upon its back and checked its first neighing with a bridle, and appeared on Ossa's summit. Then, as though it were the Libyan plain or the fertile plough-lands of rich Nile that he was cleaving, he joyfully scatters the seeds by handfuls on the ground and burdens the newly-tilled land with war. Then thrice from the very ploughshare issued the trump of Mars and from every furrow blared the horns; then was the warlike soil shaken, and the phalanx took life and arms together, and sprang up over all the plain. The hero withdrew and betwook himself for a space to his companions, waiting till the earth should show him the first troop. But when he saw the furrows at last open before the summits of the crests, and the surface quivering with the helmet-peaks, eh darted upon them, and where the earth lay closest to the base of their necks, nor yet had their shoulders seen the light, quick to the work with obedient sword he levels the trunks with the ground; and as they follow, gleaming corselet or hands first rising from their mother doth he attack and lays them low ere they can strike. Yet suffices he not for the thousands who on this side and on that are springing up, any more than when the Tirynthian wearied in fight against the hydra's dreadful hosts turned to the fires of Pallas. Once more then he has recourse to the Colchian's friendly arts, and disjoins the chain and fastening at his helmet's base; yet he hesitates and would fain himself challenge the whole array; but no hope offers, so closely throng the banners of the earth-born on every side, so loud their shouts and trumpet calls. And now all caught sight of the man, and at once all weapons are flying at him. Then mad with fear in such peril he flung into their midst the helmet which Medea of late had drugged with hellish poison: straightway the spears were turned about. And just as the anger of the mournful Mother rends every year the frenzied Phrygians, or as Bellona lacerates the long-haired eunuchs, so doth Medea suddenly inflame and embroil the cohorts and drive the doomed brethren to battle with their kin. Each one thinks that it is Jason he is laying low, all alike are fired with similar rage. Aeetes stands aghast and would fain recall the madmen, but all the host was on the ground, nor was any first to fall or last to remain, but the earth of a sudden swallowed up all her dead.
** Book VII, lines 539–643

* Medea rushed back and stretched her hands out towards the land in helpless despair.

[[File:Pale Blue Dot.png|thumb|center|{{center/s}}&lt;p&gt;When you're in love,&lt;br /&gt;you want to tell the world.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;~ [[Carl Sagan]] ~&lt;br /&gt;&lt;small&gt;&quot;With Science on Our Side&quot;,&lt;br /&gt;''Wash. Post'' (January 9, 1994)&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;{{center/e}}]]

* Someone who's invisible has no secrets to conceal. You see, we're all invisible because the soul is invisible.
** [[Bob Dylan]], March 1991

* ''Nec me&lt;br /&gt;ante nisi inspectis admisit ad oscula telis.''
** Nor did he admit me to his embrace before he had scanned my weapons.
** Book II, line 127

* ''Quo non dignior has subit habenas.''
** None worthier than he has held this sway.
** Book IV, 3, line 130 (tr. J. H. Mozley)

* ''Armigeri Tritones eunt scopulosaque cete.''
** Proceed the Tritons who bear his armour and the rock-like sea-monsters.
** Book I, line 55 (tr. J. H. Mozley)

* ''Palladi litoreae celebrabat Scyros honorum.''
** Scyros was keeping festal day in honour of Pallas, guardian of the shore.
** Book I, line 285 (tr. J. H. Mozley)

* ''Cedamus; chely, jam repone cantus.''
** Let us retire; lute, lay by thy song!
** Book IV, 3, line 119 (tr. J. H. Mozley)

* Statius was a favourite writer with the poets of the middle ages. His bloated magnificence of description, gigantic images, and pompous diction suited their taste, and were somewhat of a piece with the romances they so much admired. They neglected the gentler and genuine graces of Virgil, which they could not relish.
** [[Thomas Warton]], ''[[w:The History of English Poetry|The History of English Poetry]]'', Vol. I (1774), p. 361

* Statius had undoubtedly invention, ability, and spirit; but his images are gigantic and outrageous, and his sentiments tortured and hyperbolical.
** [[Joseph Warton]], ''An Essay on the Genius and Writings of Pope'', Vol. II (1782), p. 22

* The unhappy love to talk and bring back old sorrows.

[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|center|&lt;br /&gt;{{center/s}}&lt;p&gt;&lt;big&gt;In the fury of the [[moment]]&lt;br /&gt;I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand&lt;br /&gt;In every leaf that trembles,&lt;br /&gt;in every grain of sand.&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;~ [[Bob Dylan]] ~&lt;br /&gt;&lt;small&gt;&quot;Every Grain of Sand&quot;&lt;br /&gt;(''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'', 1981&lt;/small&gt;)&lt;/p&gt;{{center/e}}]]

* '''Gino Castaldo''': [Do] you look out for new writers?&lt;br /&gt;'''Bob Dylan''': Yeah, but I don't believe there are any, because we live in another age. The [[media]] is very invasive. What could you possibly write that you haven't seen every day in the newspapers or on television?&lt;br /&gt;'''Gino Castaldo''': But there are emotions that have to be expressed.&lt;br /&gt;'''Bob Dylan''': Yeah, but the media control people's emotions, anyway. When there were people around like [[William Blake]], [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] or [[Lord Byron|Byron]] there probably wasn't any form of media. Just gazzettes. You could feel free to put down whatever you had in your mind...&lt;br /&gt;'''Gino Castaldo''': Do you think the TV and the media have killed poetry?&lt;br /&gt;'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Because [[literature]] is written for a public. There's nobody like [[Franz Kafka|Kafka]] who just sits down and writes something without wanting somebody to read it.&lt;br /&gt;'''Gino Castaldo''': Every writer?&lt;br /&gt;'''Bob Dylan''': Yeah, sure, but the media does this for everybody. You can't see things that are more horrible than what the media give you. The news shows people things that they couldn't even dream about and even ideas that people thought they could repress, but they see them and they can't even repress them anymore. So what can a writer do when every idea is already exposed in the media before he can even grasp it and develop it?&lt;br /&gt;'''Gino Castaldo''': How do you react to all this?&lt;br /&gt;'''Bob Dylan''': We live in a world of fantasy where Disney has won, the fantasy of Disney. It's all fantasy. That's why I think that if a writer has something to say he should say it at all costs. The world is real. Fantasy has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not.
** Press conference (23 July 2001) covered in ''La Repubblica'' (7 September 2001), as [http://expectingrain.com/dok/cd/2001/romeinterview.html translated by David Flynn]

* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?&lt;br /&gt;'''Dave Fanning''': Well, there are emotions to be expressed.&lt;br /&gt;'''Bob Dylan''': The media is moving people's emotions anyway. When [[Arthur Rimbaud|Rimbaud]] was writing, [[William Blake]] or [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] or [[Lord Byron|Byron]] or any of those people, there probably wasn't any media, just somewhere where you could feel free to put down anything that came into your mind...&lt;br /&gt;'''Dave Fanning''': So it's safe to make the assumption that TV and the media in general have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]].&lt;br /&gt;'''Bob Dylan''': Absolutely. Absolutely. Even literature is written for an audience. It's not just written, it doesn't sit down. Everybody's not [[Franz Kafka|Kafka]], sitting down and writing something that should ever be seen by... that you don't want some analyst to see. Most people who sit down, they want people to see it. They want people to read it. They want a person's reaction. They want some type of acceptance. But the media is doing that for everybody now. And movies and TV. I mean, you can't see more horrific things than you see in the media, especially the news. I'm just talking about the news department, which is showing people absolutely everything they'd ever even dreamed about. Even thoughts they might think and suppress forever, they'd see them in the media. So you can't express them anymore. What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... It's a science-fiction world. We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I'd say that if a writer has something to say, he'll have to do it within that science-fiction world. Whether we realize it or not science fiction has become the real world. 
** Press conference (23 July 2001) covered in ''The Irish Times Magazine'' (29 September 2001)

* Well-pleased the reader's wonder to engage,&lt;br /&gt;He brings our grandsires' habit on the stage,&lt;br /&gt;And garbs that whilom graced an uncouth age.

* And, rapt beyond himself, admires the force&lt;br /&gt;That drives him on reluctant to the course. 

* Oft in their sleep, inspired with rage divine,&lt;br /&gt;Some bards enjoy the visions of the Nine.

* Οὐδ᾽ ἄρ᾽ Ἀθηναίην προτέρω λάθον ὁρμηθέντες·&lt;br /&gt;αὐτίκα δ᾽ ἐσσυμένως νεφέλης ἐπιβᾶσα πόδεσσιν&lt;br /&gt;κούφης, ἥ κε φέροι μιν ἄφαρ βριαρήν περ ἐοῦσαν,&lt;br /&gt;σεύατ᾽ ἴμεν πόντονδε, φίλα φρονέουσ᾽ ἐρέτῃσιν.&lt;br /&gt;ὡς δ᾽ ὅτε τις πάτρηθεν ἀλώμενος, οἷά τε πολλὰ&lt;br /&gt;πλαζόμεθ᾽ ἄνθρωποι τετληότες, οὐδέ τις αἶα&lt;br /&gt;τηλουρός, πᾶσαι δὲ κατόψιοί εἰσι κέλευθοι,&lt;br /&gt;σφωιτέρους δ᾽ ἐνόησε δόμους, ἄμυδις δὲ κέλευθος&lt;br /&gt;ὑγρή τε τραφερή τ᾽ ἰνδάλλεται, ἄλλοτε δ᾽ ἄλλῃ&lt;br /&gt;ὀξέα πορφύρων ἐπιμαίεται ὀφθαλμοῖσιν·&lt;br /&gt;ὧς ἄρα καρπαλίμως κούρη Διὸς ἀίξασα&lt;br /&gt;θῆκεν ἐπ᾽ ἀξείνοιο πόδας Θυνηίδος ἀκτῆς.
** ''Argo'''s departure did not escape Athene's eye. She promptly took her stand on a cloud which, though light, could bear her formidable weight, and swept down to the sea, filled with concern for the oarsmen in the ship. There comes a moment to the patient traveller (and there are many such that wander far afield) when the road ahead of him is clear and the distance so foreshortened that he has a vision of his home, he sees his way to it over land and sea, and in his fancy travels there and back so quickly that it seems to stand before his eager eyes. Such was Athene's speed as she darted down to set foot on the inhospitable coast of Thynia.
*** Lines 537–548. [[w:E. V. Rieu|E. V. Rieu]] notes: &quot;[This] elaborate attempt to convey to us by a simile the speed of Athene's descent from the sky, has baffled all translators, including myself.&quot;

* Some of the Argonauts went to fetch dry wood; some collected leaves from the fields and brought them in for bedding.

* The elm tree planted by Eleanor Bold, the judge's daughter, fell last night.
** ''[[w:Peace (novel)|Peace]]'' (1975), opening line

* ''Punica se quantis attollet gloria rebus!''
** To what heights will Punic glory soar?
** Line 49 (tr. Fairclough).

* ''Tamen cantabitis, Arcades, inquit,&lt;br /&gt;Montibus haec vestris, soli cantare periti&lt;br /&gt;Arcades. O mihi tum quam molliter ossa quiescant,&lt;br /&gt;Vestra meos olim si fistula dicat amores!''
** Yet ye, O Arcadians, will sing this tale to your mountains; Arcadians only know how to sing. O how softly then would my bones repose, if in other days your pipes should tell my love!
** Book X, lines 31–34 (tr. Fairclough).

[[File:Giovanni Battista Tiepolo 046.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}''Naviget!''{{center/e}}]]
* ''Posthabui tamen illorum mea seria ludo.''&lt;br /&gt;''Alternis igitur contendere versibus ambo&lt;br /&gt;Coepere; alternos Musae meminisse volebant.''
** My serious business gave way to their playing.&lt;br /&gt;So they began the contest, in alternate&lt;br /&gt;Verses, which the Muses wished recalled.
** Book VII, lines 17–19 (tr. Paul Alpers).

* ''O vere Phrygiae, neque enim Phryges!''
** Phrygian women—that's what you are—not Phrygian men!
** Line 617 (tr. Fagles).

* ''Projecere animas.''
** They threw their lives away.
** Line 436 (tr. Fagles).

* His diction being, generally speaking, so pure, so elegant, and full of graces, and the turn of his lines so perfectly melodious, that I hardly believe believe the Original Italian has greatly advantage in either: nor could any author, in my opinion, be justified for attempting Tasso anew, as long as his translation can be read.
** Elizabeth Cooper, ''The Muses Library'' (1741), p. 343

[[File:Gustave Doré - Dante Alighieri - Inferno - Plate 7 (Beatrice).jpg|thumb|Beatrice am I, who do bid thee go.]]
* ''I' son Beatrice che ti faccio andare;&lt;br /&gt;vegno del loco ove tornar disio;&lt;br /&gt;amor mi mosse, che mi fa parlare.''
** Beatrice am I, who do bid thee go;&lt;br /&gt;I come from there, where I would fain return;&lt;br /&gt;[[Love]] moved me, which compelleth me to speak.
** Canto II, lines 70–72 (tr. Longfellow)

* Supreme ruler of gods, pity, I beg,&lt;br /&gt;The Arcadian king, and hear a father's prayer:&lt;br /&gt;If by thy will my son survives, and fate&lt;br /&gt;Spares him, and if I live to see him still,&lt;br /&gt;To meet him yet again, I pray for life;&lt;br /&gt;There is no trouble I cannot endure.&lt;br /&gt;But, Fortune, if you threaten some black day,&lt;br /&gt;Now, now let me break off my bitter life&lt;br /&gt;While all's in doubt, while hope of what's to come&lt;br /&gt;Remains uncertain, while I hold you here,&lt;br /&gt;Dear boy, my late delight, my only one—&lt;br /&gt;And may no graver message ever come&lt;br /&gt;To wound my ears.
** Lines 578–580 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald).

* Καὶ Θάνατον, τέκε δ᾽ Ὕπνον.
** [[Hesiod]], ''Theogony'', 212.

* ''Homère a fait Virgile, dit-on; si cela est, c'est sans doute son plus bel ouvrage.''
** Homer, they say, has made Virgil; but if so, it is unquestionably the best work he ever made.
** [[Voltaire]], ''[http://www.poesies.net/voltaireessaisurlapoesieepique.txt Essai Sur La Poésie Epique]''

* If Homer sometimes nods, Apollonius may be said to be only occasionally awake.

* A translator, who does not thus consider the different genius of the two languages in which he is concerned, with such parallel turns of thought and expression as correspond with one another in both of them, may value himself upon being a faithful interpreter; but in works of wit and humour will never do justice to his author, or credit to himself.
** [[Joseph Addison]], in ''The Lover'', No. 39 (May 25, 1714).

* But me, love of Parnassus doth invite,&lt;br /&gt;To Hills untracted; there is my delight.

* Corruption lives, and is by covering fed.

* Slight is the Theam; but not the Glory slight.

* a Translator owes so much to the Taste of the Age in which he lives
** Notes to Book XI

And I saw Sisyphus too, bound to his own torture,&lt;br /&gt;
grappling his monstrous boulder with both arms working,&lt;br /&gt;
heaving, hands struggling, legs driving, he kept on&lt;br /&gt;
thrusting the rock uphill toward the brink, but just&lt;br /&gt;
as it teetered, set to topple over—time and again&lt;br /&gt;
the immense weight of the thing would wheel it back and&lt;br /&gt;
the ruthless boulder would bound and tumble down to the plain again

* Εἰ μάλα καρτερός ἐσσι, θεός που σοὶ τό γ' ἔδωκεν.
** For know, vain man! thy valour is from God.
** ''Iliad'', I. 178; Agamemnon to Achilles.

[[File:Jakob Jordaens 009.jpg|thumb|'''Nobody'', friends'—Polyphemus bellowed back from his cave—&lt;br /&gt;'Nobody's killing me now by fraud and not by force.']]

* Τί πρῶτόν τοι ἔπειτα, τί δ' ὑστάτιον καταλέξω.
** Well then, what shall I go through first,&lt;br /&gt;what shall I save for last?
** ''Odyssey'', IX. 14 (tr. Robert Fagles)

* Οὐδέ κεν ἴρηξ&lt;br /&gt;κίρκος ὁμαρτήσειεν, ἐλαφρότατος πετεηνῶν.
** Not even a darting hawk,&lt;br /&gt;the quickest thing on wings, could keep her pace.
** Book XIII, lines 86–87 (tr. Robert Fagles).

* Βίας ὑποδέγμενος ἀνδρῶν.
** And bear unmoved the wrongs of base mankind,&lt;br /&gt;The last, and hardest, conquest of the mind.
** Book XIII, line 310 (tr. Alexander Pope).

* Σχοίνῳ ὑπεκλίνθη, κύσε δὲ ζείδωρον ἄρουραν.
** The bank he press'd, and gently kiss'd the ground.
** Book V, line 463 (tr. Alexander Pope).

* ἦ οὐχ ἅλις ὅττι γυναῖκας ἀνάλκιδας ἠπεροπεύεις.
** Enough for thee weak women to delude.
** ''Iliad'', V. 349 (tr. Lord Derby).

*ὅς οἱ πολλὰ κάμῃσι θεὸς δ ἐπὶ ἔργον ἀέξῃ
** who has worked hard for him and whose work heaven has prospered
** ''Odyssey'', XIV. 65 (tr. E. V. Rieu)

* But when Ulysses rose, in thought profound,&lt;br /&gt;His modest eyes he fixed upon the ground;&lt;br /&gt;As one unskilled or dumb, he seemed to stand,&lt;br /&gt;Nor raised his head, nor stretched his sceptred hand;&lt;br /&gt;But when he speaks, what elocution flows!&lt;br /&gt;Soft as the fleeces of descending snows,&lt;br /&gt;The copious accents fall, with easy art;&lt;br /&gt;Melting they fall, and sink into the heart:&lt;br /&gt;we hear, and, fixed in deep surprise,&lt;br /&gt;Our ears refute the censure of our eyes.

* ''Perguntar de que morreu alguém é estúpido, com o tempo a causa esquece, só uma palavra fica, Morreu''
** It is foolish for anyone to ask what someone died from, in time the cause will be forgotten, only two words remain, She died
*** p. 182

* The whole machine creaked, the metal plates and the entwined canes, and suddenly, as if it were being sucked in by a luminous vortex, it ... soared like an arrow straight up into the sky. ... Padre Bartolomeu Lourenco had grabbed one of the plummets that supported the sails, which allowed him to see the machine move away from earth at the most incredible speed. ... What's that yonder in the distance? Lisbon, of course. And the river, ah, the sea, that sea which I, Bartolomeu Lourenco de Gusmao, sailed twice from Brazil, that sea which I sailed to Holland. To how many more continents on land and in the air will you transport me, Passarola? ... If only the King could see me now ... if only the Holy Office of the Inquisition could see me now. ... Baltasar and Blimunda finally scrambled to their feet, nervously holding on to the plummets, then to the rail, dazed by the light and the wind. Suddenly they were no longer frightened. Ah, Baltasar shouted, we've made it. He embraced Blimunda and burst into tears. 
** p. 183&lt;!--, quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/books/98/10/04/specials/saramago-baltasar.html &quot;Fueling The Passarola&quot;] by [[w:Irving Howe|]], ''The New York Times'' (1 November 1987)--&gt;

* His extraordinary gifts of invention and narration, his radical intelligence, wit, humor, good sense, and goodness of heart, will shine out to anyone who values such qualities in an artist, but his age gives his art a singular edge. ... He's been farther and learned more. He has seen most of the twentieth century, and has had time to think about it, decide what matters, and learn how to say it. The energy and mastery with which he says it is a marvel. He is the only novelist of my generation who tells me what I didn't know, or rather, what I didn't know I knew: the only one I still learn from. He had the time and the courage to earn that subtle and unpretentious kind of understanding we call, inadequately, wisdom.
** [[Ursula K. Le Guin]], ''Words Are My Matter'' (2016), &quot;Examples of Dignity: Thoughts on the Work of José Saramago&quot;

* &quot;You learn something new every day.&quot; Actually, you learn something old every day. Just because you just learned it, doesn't mean it's new.
** [[George Carlin]], ''[[w:Brain Droppings|Brain Droppings]]'' (1998), p. 135

Nor shall my hand the golden prize withhold:&lt;br /&gt;Like your proud lord, I envy not the bold.

The conscious infant so, when fear alarms,&lt;br /&gt;
Retires for safety to the mother's arms.&lt;br /&gt;
Thus Ajax guards his brother in the field,&lt;br /&gt;
Moves as he moves, and turns the shining shield.

Great Agamemnon views with joyful eye&lt;br /&gt;
The ranks grow thinner as his arrows fly:

Now deep in ocean sunk the lamp of light,&lt;br /&gt;
And drew behind the cloudy veil of night:&lt;br /&gt;
The conquering Trojans mourn his beams decayed;&lt;br /&gt;
The Greeks rejoicing bless the friendly shade.

Wounds, that long hence may ask their spouses' care,&lt;br /&gt;
And warn their children from a Trojan war.

Then tell him, loud, that all the Greeks may hear,&lt;br /&gt;
And learn to scorn the wretch they basely fear;&lt;br /&gt;
For, armed in impudence, mankind he braves,&lt;br /&gt;
And meditates new cheats on all his slaves;&lt;br /&gt;
Though, shameless as he is, to face these eyes&lt;br /&gt;
Is what he dares not; if he dares, he dies;&lt;br /&gt;
Tell him, all terms, all commerce, I decline,&lt;br /&gt;
Nor share his council, nor his battle join;&lt;br /&gt;
For once deceived, was his; but twice, were mine.

My fates long since by Thetis were disclosed,&lt;br /&gt;
And each alternate, life or fame, proposed:&lt;br /&gt;
Here if I stay, before the Trojan town,&lt;br /&gt;
Short is my date, but deathless my renown;&lt;br /&gt;
If I return, I quit immortal praise&lt;br /&gt;
For years on years, and long-extended days.

And cursed thee with a mind that cannot yield.

It would have made a Stoic smile to have seen me and my little family sit down to dinner. There was my majesty the prince and lord of the whole island; I had the lives of all my subjects at my absolute command...and no rebels among all my subjects. Then, to see how like a king I dined, too, all alone, attended by my servants! Poll...was the only person permitted to talk to me. My dog, who was now grown old and crazy...sat always at my right hand; and two cats, one on one side of the table and one on the other... With this attendance and in this plentiful manner I lived; neither could I be said to want anything but society.

And now I saw how easy it was for the providence of God to make even the most miserable condition of mankind worse. Now I looked back upon my desolate, solitary island as the most pleasant place in the world and all the happiness my heart could wish for was to be but there again. I stretched out my hands to it, with eager wishes: O happy desert! said I, I shall never see thee more...

[[File:Pelias meets Jason MAN Napoli Inv111436.jpg|thumb|A youth unshod amid the crowd appears,&lt;br /&gt;Cause of thy ruin, subject of thy fears.]]

* A youth unshod amid the crowd appears,&lt;br /&gt;Cause of thy ruin, subject of thy fears.
** Lines 11–12, tr. [[w:William Preston (poet)|William Preston]]

* I remember also distinctly, (though I have not for this the authority of my journal,) that the conversation going on concerning [[Alexander Pope|Mr. Pope]], I took notice of a report which had been sometimes propagated that he did not understand Greek. [[w:Allen Bathurst, 1st Earl Bathurst|Lord Bathurst]] said to me, that he knew that to be false; for that part of the ''Iliad'' was translated by Mr. Pope in his house in the country; and that in the mornings when they assembled at breakfast, Mr. Pope used frequently to repeat, with great rapture, the Greek lines which he had been translating, and then to give them his version of them, and to compare them together.
** [[Hugh Blair]], letter to [[James Boswell]] (21 September 1779), published in ''The Life of Samuel Johnson, LL.D.'' by James Boswell, ed. Henry Baldwin, Vol. II (1791), p. 300.

* Indeed it is impossible for any Translator, and much less for [[Alexander Pope|this]], to express in a Translation the Poetical Language of [[Homer|HOMER]]. By the Advantage of the Language in which he wrote, he had several Ways of rendering his Language poetical, which a Translator can never have; as the frequent Use of compounded and decompounded Words; the Use of Words which were as it were at one and the same time both Grecian and Foreign; as being confin'd in their vulgar Use to some particular Part of ''Greece''; as likewise the Use of Words which were purely Poetick, and which were seldom or never us'd in Prose; the contracting or lengthening the Words which he used, and the frequent transposing of Syllables; and, lastly, the altering the Terminations of Words, by means of the different Dialects.
** [[John Dennis]], ''Remarks upon Mr. Pope's Translation of Homer'' (1717)

* And say, has fame so dear, so dazzling charms?&lt;br /&gt;Must brutal fierceness and the trade of arms,&lt;br /&gt;Conquest, and laurels dipt in blood, be prized,&lt;br /&gt;While life is scorn'd, and all its joys despised?
** ''The Lusiad'' (1776), Book IV, pp. 185.

* Let the cravens who contend that the free genius and taste of divine [[Virgil]] were prisoners of [[Homer]]'s inventions hold their peace. It was not thus. The arguments of Homer which nature proposed to him were corrected by Virgil as a schoolboy's theme by his professor.
** [[w:Julius Caesar Scaliger|Julius Caesar Scaliger]], ''Poetices'' (1561), Book V, Ch. 3; as quoted in &quot;Life of Julius Caesar Scaliger (1484-1558)&quot; by Vernon Hall, Jr. — ''Transactions'' of the American Philosophical Society, Vol. 40, Part 2 (October, 1950), p. 153

Nin = Adalgisa&lt;!-- Nunes--&gt;!

* &lt;p&gt;''... no tempo que a luz clara&lt;br /&gt;Foge, e as estrelas nítidas que saem&lt;br /&gt;A repouso convidam quando caem,''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''Estando já deitado no áureo leito,&lt;br /&gt;Onde imaginações mais certas são,&lt;br /&gt;Revolvendo contino no conceito&lt;br /&gt;De seu ofício e sangue a obrigação,&lt;br /&gt;Os olhos lhe ocupou o sono aceito,&lt;br /&gt;Sem lhe desocupar o coração;&lt;br /&gt;Porque, tanto que lasso se adormece,&lt;br /&gt;Morfeu em várias formas lhe aparece.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''Aqui se lhe apresenta que subia&lt;br /&gt;Tão alto que tocava à prima Esfera,&lt;br /&gt;Donde diante vários mundos via,&lt;br /&gt;Nações de muita gente, estranha e fera.&lt;br /&gt;E lá bem junto donde nace o dia,&lt;br /&gt;Despois que os olhos longos estendera,&lt;br /&gt;Viu de antigos, longincos e altos montes&lt;br /&gt;Nacerem duas claras e altas fontes.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''Aves agrestes, feras e alimárias&lt;br /&gt;Pelo monte selvático habitavam;&lt;br /&gt;Mil árvores silvestres e ervas várias&lt;br /&gt;O passo e o trato às gentes atalhavam.&lt;br /&gt;Estas duras montanhas, adversárias&lt;br /&gt;De mais conversação, por si mostravam&lt;br /&gt;Que, dês que Adão pecou aos nossos anos,&lt;br /&gt;Não as romperam nunca pés humanos.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''Das águas se lhe antolha que saíam,&lt;br /&gt;Par' ele os largos passos inclinando,&lt;br /&gt;Dous homens, que mui velhos pareciam,&lt;br /&gt;De aspeito, inda que agreste, venerando.&lt;br /&gt;Das pontas dos cabelos lhe saíam&lt;br /&gt;Gotas, que o corpo todo vão banhando;&lt;br /&gt;A cor da pele, baça e denegrida;&lt;br /&gt;A barba hirsuta, intonsa, mas comprida.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''D'ambos de dous a fronte coroada&lt;br /&gt;Ramos não conhecidos e ervas tinha.&lt;br /&gt;Um deles a presença traz cansada,&lt;br /&gt;Como quem de mais longe ali caminha;&lt;br /&gt;E assi a água, com ímpeto alterada,&lt;br /&gt;Parecia que doutra parte vinha,&lt;br /&gt;Bem como Alfeu de Arcádia em Siracusa&lt;br /&gt;Vai buscar os abraços de Aretusa.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''Este, que era o mais grave na pessoa,&lt;br /&gt;Destarte pera o Rei de longe brada:&lt;br /&gt;– «Ó tu, a cujos reinos e coroa&lt;br /&gt;Grande parte do mundo está guardada,&lt;br /&gt;Nós outros, cuja fama tanto voa,&lt;br /&gt;Cuja cerviz bem nunca foi domada,&lt;br /&gt;Te avisamos que é tempo que já mandes&lt;br /&gt;A receber de nós tributos grandes.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''«Eu sou o ilustre Ganges, que na terra&lt;br /&gt;Celeste tenho o berço verdadeiro;&lt;br /&gt;Estoutro é o Indo, Rei que, nesta serra&lt;br /&gt;Que vês, seu nascimento tem primeiro.&lt;br /&gt;Custar-t'-emos contudo dura guerra;&lt;br /&gt;Mas, insistindo tu, por derradeiro,&lt;br /&gt;Com não vistas vitórias, sem receio&lt;br /&gt;A quantas gentes vês porás o freio.»''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''Não disse mais o Rio ilustre e santo,&lt;br /&gt;Mas ambos desparecem num momento.&lt;br /&gt;Acorda Emanuel cum novo espanto&lt;br /&gt;E grande alteração de pensamento.''&lt;/p&gt;[[File:King Manuel's dream of the rivers Ganges and Indus.png|thumbnail|500px|[[w:Manuel I of Portugal|King Manuel]]'s dream of the rivers [[w:Ganges|Ganges]] and [[w:Indus River|Indus]]]]
** Now, from the sky, the sacred light withdrawn,&lt;br /&gt;O'er heaven's clear azure shone the stars of dawn,&lt;br /&gt;Deep silence spread her gloomy wings around,&lt;br /&gt;And human griefs were wrapp'd in sleep profound.&lt;br /&gt;The monarch slumber'd on his golden bed,&lt;br /&gt;Yet, anxious cares possess'd his thoughtful head;&lt;br /&gt;His gen'rous soul, intent on public good,&lt;br /&gt;The glorious duties of his birth review'd.&lt;br /&gt;When, sent by Heaven, a sacred dream inspir'd&lt;br /&gt;His lab'ring mind, and with its radiance fir'd:&lt;br /&gt;High to the clouds his tow'ring head was rear'd,&lt;br /&gt;New worlds, and nations fierce, and strange, appear'd;&lt;br /&gt;The purple dawning o'er the mountains flow'd,&lt;br /&gt;The forest-boughs with yellow splendour glow'd;&lt;br /&gt;High, from the steep, two copious glassy streams&lt;br /&gt;Roll'd down, and glitter'd in the morning beams;&lt;br /&gt;Here, various monsters of the wild were seen,&lt;br /&gt;And birds of plumage azure, scarlet, green:&lt;br /&gt;Here, various herbs, and flow'rs of various bloom;&lt;br /&gt;There, black as night, the forest's horrid gloom,&lt;br /&gt;Whose shaggy brakes, by human step untrod,&lt;br /&gt;Darken'd the glaring lion's dread abode.&lt;br /&gt;Here, as the monarch fix'd his wond'ring eyes,&lt;br /&gt;Two hoary fathers from the streams arise;&lt;br /&gt;Their aspect rustic, yet, a reverend grace&lt;br /&gt;Appear'd majestic on their wrinkled face:&lt;br /&gt;Their tawny beards uncomb'd, and sweepy long,&lt;br /&gt;Adown their knees in shaggy ringlets hung;&lt;br /&gt;From every lock the crystal drops distil,&lt;br /&gt;And bathe their limbs, as in a trickling rill;&lt;br /&gt;Gay wreaths of flowers, of fruitage, and of boughs,&lt;br /&gt;(Nameless in Europe), crown'd their furrow'd brows.&lt;br /&gt;Bent o'er his staff, more silver'd o'er with years,&lt;br /&gt;Worn with a longer way, the one appears;&lt;br /&gt;Who now slow beck'ning with his wither'd hand,&lt;br /&gt;As now advanc'd before the king they stand:—&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&quot;O thou, whom worlds to Europe yet unknown,&lt;br /&gt;Are doom'd to yield, and dignify thy crown;&lt;br /&gt;To thee our golden shores the Fates decree;&lt;br /&gt;Our necks, unbow'd before, shall bend to thee.&lt;br /&gt;Wide thro' the world resounds our wealthy fame;&lt;br /&gt;Haste, speed thy prows, that fated wealth to claim.&lt;br /&gt;From Paradise my hallow'd waters spring;&lt;br /&gt;The sacred Ganges I, my brother king&lt;br /&gt;Th' illustrious author of the Indian name:&lt;br /&gt;Yet, toil shall languish, and the fight shall flame;&lt;br /&gt;Our fairest lawns with streaming gore shall smoke,&lt;br /&gt;Ere yet our shoulders bend beneath the yoke;&lt;br /&gt;But, thou shalt conquer: all thine eyes survey,&lt;br /&gt;With all our various tribes, shall own thy sway.&quot;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;He spoke; and, melting in a silv'ry stream,&lt;br /&gt;Both disappear'd; when waking from his dream,&lt;br /&gt;The wond'ring monarch, thrill'd with awe divine,&lt;br /&gt;Weighs in his lofty thoughts the sacred sign.&lt;/p&gt;
** Canto IV, st. 67–75 (as translated by [[William Julius Mickle]]).

* ''Dada ao mundo por Deus que todo o mande,&lt;br /&gt;Pera do mundo a Deus dar parte grande.''
** Giv'n to the World by God, the World to win,&lt;br /&gt;To give to God much of the World agin.
** Canto I, st. 6 (as translated by [[w:Sir Richard Fanshawe, 1st Baronet|Sir Richard Fanshawe]]); of King [[w:Sebastian of Portugal|Sebastian of Portugal]]. 

* ''La mayor venganza del que es sabio &lt;br /&gt; Es olvidar la causa del agravio.''
**
** ''El desprecio agradecido'' (1633), Act I, scene xi.

Aquilo que é inevitável torna-se fácil, se formos realistas, e humildes. (MP)

O Lord God, Almighty Father! hear the prayer of a poor, wicked, proud child! I know that my heart is full of sin, and that my body is corrupt and filthy, and that I must soon die and go down into the dust; and yet I am so foolish and so wicked as to wish to be great in this world. I wish to have a fine house to live in, and a great many servants to wait on me, and to be of great consequence, and to be made a great deal of; and yet I know, that if I had what I deserved, I should now at this moment be in hell fire. O thou that resisteth the proud, and givest grace to the humble! give me the grace of humility; make me humble and lowly in heart, content and thankful for what I have. O set my sins in order before my eyes, that I may see I have nothing to be proud of, and know that I am not worthy to be set up and made great in the world. I know that thou, O Lord! lovest humble and lowly people; and that thy blessed Son, when in this world, appeared in the form of a servant, amongst the lowest and poorest of men, and was meek and lowly in his behaviour. O Lord! send thy Holy Spirit to cleanse my heart from all proud thoughts. Teach me to know my sins and hate myself, and to humble myself before men and in thy sight. O give me a clean and a new heart, that I may rather desire to be numbered amongst the saints, and martyrs, and children of God—those holy people of whom the world was not worthy—than amongst the great and mighty men of the earth. 

* He was in love with [imagination].
** [[w:Owen Barfield|Owen Barfield]], as quoted in ''Christianity &amp; Literature'', Vol. 40, No. 1 (Autumn 1990), p. 314

gawadir

jonathan swift

O wheels, O gears, eternal r-r-r-r-r-r-r!

ygoa7zi5

''Me, me, adsum, qui feci, in me convertite ferrum.''

''Moniti meliora sequamur.''

A corja de ladrões assignalados&lt;br&gt;Fugindo vem da praia Lusitana,&lt;br&gt;Que, em crimes nunca d'antes praticados,&lt;br&gt;Tem já muito excedido a audácia humana:&lt;br&gt;Que, em caurins e calotes esforçados,&lt;br&gt;Vão demandando o Império da Banana;&lt;br&gt;Tão infame ralé, corja tão porca.&lt;br&gt;Eu sempre a cantarei digna da Forca.

Time goes, you say? Ah, no!&lt;br&gt;Alas, Time stays, we go.

Their martial rage inflame:&lt;br&gt;And one the chief's young beauty fires,&lt;br&gt;One kindles at his hero sires,&lt;br&gt;One at his deeds of fame.

dn [in progress]

And now the rising day renews the year;&lt;br&gt;A day for ever sad, for ever dear.

O happy, if he knew his happy state,&lt;br&gt;The swain, who, free from bus'ness and debate,&lt;br&gt;Receives his easy food from Nature's hand,&lt;br&gt;And just returns of cultivated land!

See there, where old unhappy Priam stands!

telum imbelle sine ictu

ch c

''Nee dulcia carmina quaeras;&lt;br&gt;Ornari res ipsa negat, eontenta doceri.''
&lt;!--
;V

* ''‘En Priamus! Sunt hic etiam sua praemia laudi,&lt;br&gt;Sunt lacrimae rerum et mentem mortalia tangunt.&lt;br&gt;Solve metus; feret haec aliquam tibi fama salutem.'&lt;br&gt;Sic ait atque animum pictura pascit inani,&lt;br&gt;Multa gemens, largoque humectat flumine vultum.''
** Priam is here, here meed to heroic worth is assigned,&lt;br&gt;Tears are to human sorrows given, hearts feel for mankind.&lt;br&gt;&quot;Fear not,&quot; he cries; &quot;Troy's glory will save thee in danger still.&quot;&lt;br&gt;Then on the lifeless painting he feeds his heart to his fill.&lt;br&gt;Tears streamed over his cheek as he gazed; groans broke from his breast.
** Lines 461–464 (translated by [[w:Charles Bowen, Baron Bowen|Sir Charles Bowen]]).

No hostile hand can antedate my doom,&lt;br /&gt;
Till fate condemns me to the silent tomb;&lt;br /&gt;
Fixed is the term to all the race of earth,&lt;br /&gt;
And such the hard condition of our birth.&lt;br /&gt;
No force can then resist, no flight can save;&lt;br /&gt;
All sink alike, the fearful and the brave.--&gt;</text>
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      <text bytes="2684" sha1="kacxqv2td4ja7rkvo93i1dgo7ilstws" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:ALGOL|ALGOL]]''' (short for '''ALGO'''rithmic '''L'''anguage) is a family of imperative computer [[programming languages]] originally developed in the mid-1950s which greatly influenced many other languages.

== Quotes ==
* Although my own previous enthusiasm has been for syntactically rich languages like the Algol family, I now see clearly and concretely the force of [[Marvin Minsky|Minsky's]] 1970 Turing lecture, in which he argued that Lisp's uniformity of structure and power of self reference gave the programmer capabilities whose content was well worth the sacrifice of visual form.
** [[Robert Floyd]], &quot;[http://www.ias.ac.in/resonance/May2005/pdf/May2005Classics.pdf The Paradigms of Programming]&quot;, 1978 [[w:Turing Award|Turing Award]] Lecture, ''[[w:Communications of the ACM|Communications of the ACM]]'' '''22''' (8), August 1979: pp. 455–460.

* One of the most important and fascinating of all computer languages is [[Lisp programming language|Lisp]] (standing for &quot;List Processing&quot;), which was invented by John McCarthy around the time Algol was invented.
** [[Douglas Hofstadter]], ''[[Gödel, Escher, Bach: an Eternal Golden Braid]]''.

* [ALGOL 60] is a language so far ahead of its time, that it was not only an improvement on its predecessors, but also on nearly all its successors.
** [[C. A. R. Hoare]], [http://www.eecs.umich.edu/~bchandra/courses/papers/Hoare_Hints.pdf Hints on Programming Language Design], December 1973.

* [ALGOL W] was not only a worthy successor of ALGOL 60, it was even a worthy predecessor of [[PASCAL]].
**[[C. A. R. Hoare]], [http://dl.acm.org/citation.cfm?id=358561 &quot;The Emperor's Old Clothes&quot;], 1980 [[w:Turing Award|Turing Award]] lecture, ''[[w:Communications of the ACM|Communications of the ACM]]'' '''24''' (2), (February 1981): pp. 75-83.

* The ALGOL compiler was probably one of the nicest pieces of code to come out at that time. I spent hours trying to fix and change the compiler. Working with it so closely affected the way I think about programming and had a profound influence on my style.
** [[Gary Kildall]] (1986) ''Programmers at Work''.

* There is an appreciated substance to the phrase &quot;ALGOL-like&quot; which is often used in arguments about programming, languages and computation. ALGOL appears to be a durable model, and even flourishes under surgery — be it explorative, plastic, or amputative.
** [[Alan Perlis]], [http://awards.acm.org/images/awards/140/articles/0132439.pdf &quot;The Synthesis of Algorthmic Systems&quot;], 1966 [[w:Turing Award|Turing Award]] lecture, ''Journal of the ACM'' '''14''' (1), January 1967, pp. 1–9.

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:Programming languages]]</text>
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    <title>Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas</title>
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      <comment>Mickey’s Twice Upon a Christmas (2004) is previously of The Incredibles (2004).</comment>
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'''''[[w:Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas|Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas]]''''' is a [[w:computer animation|computer-animated]] [[w:direct-to-video|direct-to-video]] movie on VHS and DVD made by [[w:The Walt Disney Company|The Walt Disney Company]] in 2004. It is the sequel to ''[[Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas]]'' from 1999. The segments in this video feature Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Pluto, Goofy, Max, Donald Duck, Huey, Dewey and Louie, and Scrooge McDuck in five different segments. Along with the [[w:Mickey's PhilharMagic|Mickey's PhilharMagic]] theme park attraction, this production was one of the first to depict the Mickey Mouse series characters with [[w:3D computer graphics|3D computer animation]].

== Previous: ==
''[[The Incredibles]]'' (2004)

== Narrator ==
* ''[first lines]'' It was the night before Christmas, and all through the house...oh, wait, different  story, but we'll still see a mouse. ''[the movie's title appears]'' Put those old Christmas classics back up on the shelves; we've got new tales of giving, and loving, and elves.
* ''[last lines]'' So, at last, Mickey learned what he'd missed from the start. Bells and holly mean little without friends in your heart. The magic of Christmas has its rhyme and its reason. We hope you and yours have a most joyous season.

== Dialogue ==
:''[After the nephews were revealed that they were responsible for eating Scrooge's homemade chocolate chip cookies before dinner]''
:'''Donald''': ''[outraged]'' Boys! How could you?!
:'''Huey''': Hey, aren't we innocent into proven guilty?
:'''Donald''': NO! ''[Daisy and the nephews gasp]'' You three march right upstairs! NOW!
:''[The nephews get out of their chairs and leave the dining room table]''
:'''Daisy''': I'm sure the cookies were delicious, Uncle Scrooge.
:'''Huey''': They were.
:'''Donald''': JUST LET ME AT 'EM!
:''[Donald furiously lunges at his nephews, who quickly ran upstairs to their bedroom, but was held back by Daisy and Scrooge]''
:'''Scrooge''': Don't make a big deal out of nothing.
:'''Donald''': ''[angrily]'' Let me go!
:'''Scrooge''': Listen! I'll go talk to them.
:''[Later, Scrooge knocks on their bedroom door]''
:'''Dewey''': ''[bored]'' Come in.
:'''Scrooge''': ''[enters]'' Boys? I want to tell you something important.
:'''Dewey''': Did you make us more cookies? ''[Scrooge glares at them]'' No, that might send the wrong message.
:'''Scrooge''': Listen. I don't want you three to make the same selfish choices that I made when I was your age.
:'''Louie''': But you turned out rich.
:'''Scrooge''': Rich because I was selfish.
:'''Huey, Dewey &amp; Louie''': We want to be rich and selfish too!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mickey''': Uh, hey, pal. I'd finished decorating. Well, almost. Heh. There's just one thing left. ''[Pluto doesn't show up]'' Oh, come on, Pluto. Who's my pal? Who's my pal? ''[Pluto still doesn't show up]'' Pal? ''[peeks into the doghouse]'' Buddy? Hello? ''[gasps as he spots Pluto's discarded collar. Picking it up, he finds paw prints in the snow]'' Oh, no! ''[dials Minnie's phone number] 
:'''Minnie''': Hello.
:'''Mickey''': Minnie, it's me. 
:'''Minnie''': ''[on her voicemail]'' Thanks for the jingle. I'm not ho-ho-home, but leave me some Christmas cheer.
:'''Mickey''': Pluto has run away! I gotta find him! He's probably freezing, all alone, miserable! Christmas is ruined! This is just terrible! Cancel the party! ''[hangs up, then picks it up again]'' Oh, this is Mickey. ''[hangs up again, and runs off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Donner''': Brace yourselves for genius. There can only be one name for this dog. Wanna hear it?
:'''Blitzen''': Please.
:'''Donner''': Murray!
:'''Reindeers''': ''[confused]'' Murray?
:'''Donner''': You know, as in &quot;Murray Christmas&quot;?
:'''Blitzen''': Oh, my head.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Pluto is chasing a squirrel around the stable in front of the reindeers]''
:'''Donner''': I've never seen so many toys scattered!
:'''Blitzen''': That barn came out of nowhere! Murray! Who let that dog out?!
:''[But Pluto accidentally knocks over the Christmas tree]''
:'''Donner''': Oh, Murray. What do you think, those ornaments grow on trees? ''[Pluto whimpers]'' Well... ''[opens the door to reveal more Christmas trees outside]'' They do!
:''[Other reindeers laugh at Donner's joke]''
:'''Blitzen''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah, that never gets old.

==Voices==
* [[w:Wayne Allwine|Wayne Allwine]] - Mickey Mouse
* [[w:Tony Anselmo|Tony Anselmo]] - Donald Duck
* [[w:Bill Farmer|Bill Farmer]] - Goofy, Pluto
* [[w:Russi Taylor|Russi Taylor]] - Minnie Mouse, Huey, Dewey and Louie
* [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] - Daisy Duck
* [[w:Alan Young|Alan Young]] - Scrooge McDuck
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] - Elf #4
* [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] - Blitzen
* [[w:Jeff Bennett|Jeff Bennett]] - Donner, Elf #1, Elf #2
* [[w:Jason Marsden|Jason Marsden]] - Max Goof
* [[w:Chuck McCann|Chuck McCann]] - Santa Claus, Elf #3
* [[w:Kellie Martin|Kellie Martin]] - Mona
* [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]] - Narrator

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2004 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Animated Christmas films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Mickey Mouse films]]
[[Category:Minnie Mouse films]]
[[Category:Donald Duck films]]
[[Category:Daisy Duck films]]
[[Category:Disney direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Matthew O'Callaghan]]
[[Category:Christmas fantasy films]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas|Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas]]''''' is a [[w:computer animation|computer-animated]] [[w:direct-to-video|direct-to-video]] movie on VHS and DVD made by [[w:The Walt Disney Company|The Walt Disney Company]] in 2004. It is the sequel to ''[[Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas]]'' from 1999. The segments in this video feature Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Pluto, Goofy, Max, Donald Duck, Huey, Dewey and Louie, and Scrooge McDuck in five different segments. Along with the [[w:Mickey's PhilharMagic|Mickey's PhilharMagic]] theme park attraction, this production was one of the first to depict the Mickey Mouse series characters with [[w:3D computer graphics|3D computer animation]].

== Previous: ==
''[[The Incredibles]]''

== Narrator ==
* ''[first lines]'' It was the night before Christmas, and all through the house...oh, wait, different  story, but we'll still see a mouse. ''[the movie's title appears]'' Put those old Christmas classics back up on the shelves; we've got new tales of giving, and loving, and elves.
* ''[last lines]'' So, at last, Mickey learned what he'd missed from the start. Bells and holly mean little without friends in your heart. The magic of Christmas has its rhyme and its reason. We hope you and yours have a most joyous season.

== Dialogue ==
:''[After the nephews were revealed that they were responsible for eating Scrooge's homemade chocolate chip cookies before dinner]''
:'''Donald''': ''[outraged]'' Boys! How could you?!
:'''Huey''': Hey, aren't we innocent into proven guilty?
:'''Donald''': NO! ''[Daisy and the nephews gasp]'' You three march right upstairs! NOW!
:''[The nephews get out of their chairs and leave the dining room table]''
:'''Daisy''': I'm sure the cookies were delicious, Uncle Scrooge.
:'''Huey''': They were.
:'''Donald''': JUST LET ME AT 'EM!
:''[Donald furiously lunges at his nephews, who quickly ran upstairs to their bedroom, but was held back by Daisy and Scrooge]''
:'''Scrooge''': Don't make a big deal out of nothing.
:'''Donald''': ''[angrily]'' Let me go!
:'''Scrooge''': Listen! I'll go talk to them.
:''[Later, Scrooge knocks on their bedroom door]''
:'''Dewey''': ''[bored]'' Come in.
:'''Scrooge''': ''[enters]'' Boys? I want to tell you something important.
:'''Dewey''': Did you make us more cookies? ''[Scrooge glares at them]'' No, that might send the wrong message.
:'''Scrooge''': Listen. I don't want you three to make the same selfish choices that I made when I was your age.
:'''Louie''': But you turned out rich.
:'''Scrooge''': Rich because I was selfish.
:'''Huey, Dewey &amp; Louie''': We want to be rich and selfish too!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mickey''': Uh, hey, pal. I'd finished decorating. Well, almost. Heh. There's just one thing left. ''[Pluto doesn't show up]'' Oh, come on, Pluto. Who's my pal? Who's my pal? ''[Pluto still doesn't show up]'' Pal? ''[peeks into the doghouse]'' Buddy? Hello? ''[gasps as he spots Pluto's discarded collar. Picking it up, he finds paw prints in the snow]'' Oh, no! ''[dials Minnie's phone number] 
:'''Minnie''': Hello.
:'''Mickey''': Minnie, it's me. 
:'''Minnie''': ''[on her voicemail]'' Thanks for the jingle. I'm not ho-ho-home, but leave me some Christmas cheer.
:'''Mickey''': Pluto has run away! I gotta find him! He's probably freezing, all alone, miserable! Christmas is ruined! This is just terrible! Cancel the party! ''[hangs up, then picks it up again]'' Oh, this is Mickey. ''[hangs up again, and runs off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Donner''': Brace yourselves for genius. There can only be one name for this dog. Wanna hear it?
:'''Blitzen''': Please.
:'''Donner''': Murray!
:'''Reindeers''': ''[confused]'' Murray?
:'''Donner''': You know, as in &quot;Murray Christmas&quot;?
:'''Blitzen''': Oh, my head.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Pluto is chasing a squirrel around the stable in front of the reindeers]''
:'''Donner''': I've never seen so many toys scattered!
:'''Blitzen''': That barn came out of nowhere! Murray! Who let that dog out?!
:''[But Pluto accidentally knocks over the Christmas tree]''
:'''Donner''': Oh, Murray. What do you think, those ornaments grow on trees? ''[Pluto whimpers]'' Well... ''[opens the door to reveal more Christmas trees outside]'' They do!
:''[Other reindeers laugh at Donner's joke]''
:'''Blitzen''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah, that never gets old.

==Voices==
* [[w:Wayne Allwine|Wayne Allwine]] - Mickey Mouse
* [[w:Tony Anselmo|Tony Anselmo]] - Donald Duck
* [[w:Bill Farmer|Bill Farmer]] - Goofy, Pluto
* [[w:Russi Taylor|Russi Taylor]] - Minnie Mouse, Huey, Dewey and Louie
* [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] - Daisy Duck
* [[w:Alan Young|Alan Young]] - Scrooge McDuck
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] - Elf #4
* [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] - Blitzen
* [[w:Jeff Bennett|Jeff Bennett]] - Donner, Elf #1, Elf #2
* [[w:Jason Marsden|Jason Marsden]] - Max Goof
* [[w:Chuck McCann|Chuck McCann]] - Santa Claus, Elf #3
* [[w:Kellie Martin|Kellie Martin]] - Mona
* [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]] - Narrator

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2004 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Animated Christmas films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Mickey Mouse films]]
[[Category:Minnie Mouse films]]
[[Category:Donald Duck films]]
[[Category:Daisy Duck films]]
[[Category:Disney direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Matthew O'Callaghan]]
[[Category:Christmas fantasy films]]</text>
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      <id>3963100</id>
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'''''[[w:Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas|Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas]]''''' is a [[w:computer animation|computer-animated]] [[w:direct-to-video|direct-to-video]] movie on VHS and DVD made by [[w:The Walt Disney Company|The Walt Disney Company]] in 2004. It is the sequel to ''[[Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas]]'' from 1999. The segments in this video feature Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Pluto, Goofy, Max, Donald Duck, Huey, Dewey and Louie, and Scrooge McDuck in five different segments. Along with the [[w:Mickey's PhilharMagic|Mickey's PhilharMagic]] theme park attraction, this production was one of the first to depict the Mickey Mouse series characters with [[w:3D computer graphics|3D computer animation]].

== Previous: ==
''[[The Incredibles]]'' (2004)

== Narrator ==
* ''[first lines]'' It was the night before Christmas, and all through the house...oh, wait, different  story, but we'll still see a mouse. ''[the movie's title appears]'' Put those old Christmas classics back up on the shelves; we've got new tales of giving, and loving, and elves.
* ''[last lines]'' So, at last, Mickey learned what he'd missed from the start. Bells and holly mean little without friends in your heart. The magic of Christmas has its rhyme and its reason. We hope you and yours have a most joyous season.

== Dialogue ==
:''[After the nephews were revealed that they were responsible for eating Scrooge's homemade chocolate chip cookies before dinner]''
:'''Donald''': ''[outraged]'' Boys! How could you?!
:'''Huey''': Hey, aren't we innocent into proven guilty?
:'''Donald''': NO! ''[Daisy and the nephews gasp]'' You three march right upstairs! NOW!
:''[The nephews get out of their chairs and leave the dining room table]''
:'''Daisy''': I'm sure the cookies were delicious, Uncle Scrooge.
:'''Huey''': They were.
:'''Donald''': JUST LET ME AT 'EM!
:''[Donald furiously lunges at his nephews, who quickly ran upstairs to their bedroom, but was held back by Daisy and Scrooge]''
:'''Scrooge''': Don't make a big deal out of nothing.
:'''Donald''': ''[angrily]'' Let me go!
:'''Scrooge''': Listen! I'll go talk to them.
:''[Later, Scrooge knocks on their bedroom door]''
:'''Dewey''': ''[bored]'' Come in.
:'''Scrooge''': ''[enters]'' Boys? I want to tell you something important.
:'''Dewey''': Did you make us more cookies? ''[Scrooge glares at them]'' No, that might send the wrong message.
:'''Scrooge''': Listen. I don't want you three to make the same selfish choices that I made when I was your age.
:'''Louie''': But you turned out rich.
:'''Scrooge''': Rich because I was selfish.
:'''Huey, Dewey &amp; Louie''': We want to be rich and selfish too!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mickey''': Uh, hey, pal. I'd finished decorating. Well, almost. Heh. There's just one thing left. ''[Pluto doesn't show up]'' Oh, come on, Pluto. Who's my pal? Who's my pal? ''[Pluto still doesn't show up]'' Pal? ''[peeks into the doghouse]'' Buddy? Hello? ''[gasps as he spots Pluto's discarded collar. Picking it up, he finds paw prints in the snow]'' Oh, no! ''[dials Minnie's phone number] 
:'''Minnie''': Hello.
:'''Mickey''': Minnie, it's me. 
:'''Minnie''': ''[on her voicemail]'' Thanks for the jingle. I'm not ho-ho-home, but leave me some Christmas cheer.
:'''Mickey''': Pluto has run away! I gotta find him! He's probably freezing, all alone, miserable! Christmas is ruined! This is just terrible! Cancel the party! ''[hangs up, then picks it up again]'' Oh, this is Mickey. ''[hangs up again, and runs off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Donner''': Brace yourselves for genius. There can only be one name for this dog. Wanna hear it?
:'''Blitzen''': Please.
:'''Donner''': Murray!
:'''Reindeers''': ''[confused]'' Murray?
:'''Donner''': You know, as in &quot;Murray Christmas&quot;?
:'''Blitzen''': Oh, my head.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Pluto is chasing a squirrel around the stable in front of the reindeers]''
:'''Donner''': I've never seen so many toys scattered!
:'''Blitzen''': That barn came out of nowhere! Murray! Who let that dog out?!
:''[But Pluto accidentally knocks over the Christmas tree]''
:'''Donner''': Oh, Murray. What do you think, those ornaments grow on trees? ''[Pluto whimpers]'' Well... ''[opens the door to reveal more Christmas trees outside]'' They do!
:''[Other reindeers laugh at Donner's joke]''
:'''Blitzen''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah, that never gets old.

==Voices==
* [[w:Wayne Allwine|Wayne Allwine]] - Mickey Mouse
* [[w:Tony Anselmo|Tony Anselmo]] - Donald Duck
* [[w:Bill Farmer|Bill Farmer]] - Goofy, Pluto
* [[w:Russi Taylor|Russi Taylor]] - Minnie Mouse, Huey, Dewey and Louie
* [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] - Daisy Duck
* [[w:Alan Young|Alan Young]] - Scrooge McDuck
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] - Elf #4
* [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] - Blitzen
* [[w:Jeff Bennett|Jeff Bennett]] - Donner, Elf #1, Elf #2
* [[w:Jason Marsden|Jason Marsden]] - Max Goof
* [[w:Chuck McCann|Chuck McCann]] - Santa Claus, Elf #3
* [[w:Kellie Martin|Kellie Martin]] - Mona
* [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]] - Narrator

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2004 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Animated Christmas films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Mickey Mouse films]]
[[Category:Minnie Mouse films]]
[[Category:Donald Duck films]]
[[Category:Daisy Duck films]]
[[Category:Disney direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Matthew O'Callaghan]]
[[Category:Christmas fantasy films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Steve Stewart-Williams</title>
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      <comment>/* A Billion Years of Sex Differences: How Evolution Shaped the Minds of Men and Women (2026) */</comment>
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      <text bytes="66989" sha1="sh292na97rc16ql6w61tfgwog2xyrmd" xml:space="preserve">'''Steve Stewart-Williams''' (born 1971) is a Professor of Psychology in the School of Psychology at the University of Nottingham Malaysia, and author of the books ''Darwin, God and the Meaning of Life'' (2010) and ''The Ape That Understood the Universe'' (2018). He was born in Wellington, New Zealand. He studied at Massey university, where he completed a PhD in psychology and philosophy.

== Quotes ==  

=== ''Darwin, God and the Meaning of Life: How Evolutionary Theory Undermines Everything You Think You Know'' (2010)===

* Evolutionary theory answers one of the most profound and fundamental questions human beings have ever asked themselves, a question that has plagued reflective minds for as long as reflective minds have existed in the universe: why are we here?
** (p. 1)

* Why would the omnipotent creator of the entire universe be so deeply attached to a bipedal, tropical ape? Why would He take on the bodily form of one of these peculiar tailless primates? Why would such a magnificent being be so obsessively, nit-pickingly preoccupied with trivial matters such as the dress code and sexual behaviour of one mammalian species, especially its female members?
** (p. 4)

* The idea that the Biblical stories are symbolic is charitable to the point of absurdity. What would we think of a university professor who, happening upon unambiguous errors in a favourite student’s work, concluded that the student was speaking symbolically and awarded top marks?
** (p. 63)

* Some claim that life, the universe, and mind are miraculous. My conclusion is that these things are really, really amazing, but that they’re not miraculous (unless by miraculous, you just mean ‘really, really amazing’).
** (p. 74)

* Viewed from an evolutionary perspective, mind is not the cause of the order in nature; mind is an example of the order in nature - something to be explained rather than the explanation for everything else.
** (p. 101)

* People kill nonhuman animals for food, for their skins, and sometimes just for fun. We enslave animals and force them to work for us. We experiment on them and justify &lt;I&gt;their&lt;/I&gt; suffering in terms of &lt;I&gt;our&lt;/I&gt; advantage. Because most of us want to be able to view ourselves as good people (and, perhaps more importantly, because we want others to view us as good people), we may be motivated to view nonhumans in such a way that these activities are rendered morally unproblematic. One way to do this is to view other animals as utterly different from us.
** (p. 111)

* Bertrand Russell once pointed out that ‘People are more unwilling to give up the word “God” than to give up the idea for which the word has hitherto stood’. Evolutionary theory may not persuade everyone to give up the word. However, to the extent that it encourages people to alter its meaning beyond recognition, it could be argued that God has nonetheless been a casualty of Darwin’s theory.
** (p. 136)

* It seems that the evolutionist must conclude, along with the writer Vladimir Nabokov, that ‘our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness’. Brains that think otherwise – brains that deny they are brains and believe instead that they are eternal souls - are brains that hold false beliefs about themselves.
** (p. 150)

* To a hypothetical alien with a vastly superior intellect to our own, human minds would be classed as intermediate forms between the mindless and the fully minded.
** (p. 151)

* When you contemplate the universe, part of the universe becomes conscious of itself.
** (p. 152)

* Around 13.8 billion years after the Big Bang, and almost four billion years since life first evolved, something strange began to happen: Tiny parts of the universe became conscious, and came to know something about themselves and the universe of which they are a part... Eventually, some of these tiny parts of the universe - the parts we call ‘scientists’ and ‘scientifically-informed laypeople’ - came to understand the Big Bang and the evolutionary process through which they had come to exist. After an eternity of unconsciousness, the universe now had some glimmering awareness that it existed and some understanding of where it had come from.
** (p. 152)

* It may be the fate of the universe to spend an eternity in darkness, save one brief flash of self-awareness in the middle of nowhere.
** (p. 154)

* Certainly, the human-animal distinction is still workable; after all, we rarely make errors in assigning entities to one category or the other. But after Darwin, the distinction suddenly seems arbitrary – as arbitrary as the equally workable distinction between, say, turtles and non-turtles.
** (pp. 154-155)

* It is not clear that people have fully taken on board the idea that humans are animals. If they had, then perhaps academic disciplines such as sociology and anthropology would be viewed as specialist branches of zoology; medical doctors would be viewed as a subtype of veterinarians (one that specializes in tending to the health needs of just one species); human rights would be viewed as a subset of animal rights; and the socialization of children would be viewed as one example of the training or domestication of animals (making parents and teachers a subtype of animal trainers).
** (p. 155)

* A Ku Klux Klan member would be mortified to learn that he was actually a Black man. Many people’s reaction to learning that they are actually animals, or actually apes, is the same.
** (p. 156)

* Some people worry that to say we are nothing but matter is to deny that we think or feel. It’s not. The strange fact is that, when suitably arranged, matter thinks and feels.
** (p. 160)

* Changes in the inhabitants of the earth do not reflect a constant process of improvement in the design of organisms, any more than changes in fashion over the years reflect a constant process of improvement in the quality of clothing.
** (p. 173)

* One could even argue that our creative endeavours and achievements and small acts of kindness are all the more impressive against the backdrop of a purposeless universe.
** (p. 196)

* The claim that women have a stronger average parental urge than men is sometimes viewed as a sexist generalization. But it’s only sexist if we take a dim view of the trait in question: the parental urge. One could turn the accusation on its head: Those who view the evolutionist’s claim (that women are more parental than men) as sexist are actually being sexist themselves, because they’re taking a negative view of a trait that’s usually found more strongly in females than males. They are therefore prizing prototypically masculine traits more highly than prototypically feminine ones.
** (p. 230)

* Even if we accept the basic logic of the natural law argument against homosexuality, we have to ask just how wicked a sin it could really be. People sometimes use metal coat hangers as impromptu TV aerials, a purpose for which they were not designed. Likewise, children sometimes climb up slides instead of sliding down them. Are these activities heinous infractions of the moral law? Are they an insult to the people who designed the coat hangers or the slides?
** (p. 247)

* People often assume that anyone who studies evolution thinks that everything should be about the survival of the fittest. However, this makes no more sense than assuming that anyone who studies glaciers thinks that everything should be done really, really slowly.
** (p. 256)

* We like to think that reason is the supreme adaptation; that rational animals deserve preferential treatment; and that nonhumans, because they don’t have reason, have no intrinsic moral value. However, after Darwin, this is no different and no more convincing than, say, an elephant thinking that trunks are the supreme adaptation; that animals with trunks deserve preferential treatment; and that non-elephants, because they don’t have trunks, have no intrinsic moral value.
** (pp. 263-264)

* If we decide – and this is our decision; it’s not imposed on us from above – if we decide that reducing the amount of suffering in the world is a good ethical principle to live by, then it becomes entirely unjustified and arbitrary to extend this principle to human beings but not also to extend it to other animals capable of suffering. Why should the suffering of nonhumans be less important than that of humans? Surely a universe with less suffering is better than one with more, regardless of whether the locus of suffering is a human being or not, a rational being or not, a member of the moral community or not. Suffering is suffering, and these other variables are morally irrelevant.
** (p. 274)

* The amount of suffering and pain caused by the tyranny of human beings over other animals (particularly in food production) far exceeds that caused by sexism, racism, or any other existing form of discrimination, and for this reason, the animal liberation movement is the most important liberation movement on the face of the planet today.
** (p. 278)

* Several years ago, the Foundation for Biomedical Research ran an ad campaign in support of medical experimentation on nonhuman animals. The ad featured a photograph of a group of animal rights protestors under the caption: ‘Thanks to animal research, they’ll be able to protest 20.8 years longer.’ But imagine a parallel universe in which medical research is conducted on black people, and in which an equivalent foundation employs an equivalent argument: ‘Thanks to research on black people, these white protesters will be able to protest against experimentation on black people 20.8 years longer’! Would this justify experimentation on black people? Obviously not! We would immediately reject the argument as founded on a deeply racist assumption, namely, that the costs inflicted on ‘mere’ black people are justified by the benefits produced for whites. But the original argument is founded on an equivalently &lt;I&gt;speciesist&lt;/I&gt; assumption: that the costs inflicted on ‘mere’ animals are justified by the benefits produced for us.
** (p. 278)

* Tying morality to religion is a little like transporting a precious cargo on a sinking ship. What happens when the child grows up and starts doubting the factual claims of the religion? The cargo may be lost with the ship.
** (p. 287)

* If religion doesn't make people good, why do people think that it does? Simple: Because religion teaches that it makes people good. It’s part of its sales pitch. But it's also quite possibly untrue.
** (p. 290)

* Even in a pointless universe, pointless happiness and pleasures are surely preferable to pointless suffering.
** (p. 307)

* Some may find these conclusions frightening, and perhaps that's an appropriate reaction. But then again, maybe it’s not. For it is certainly possible to frame an ethic consistent with the Darwinian view of the world. Such an ethic might emphasize the virtue of being honest enough and courageous enough to acknowledge unflinchingly that there is probably no God, no afterlife, and no soul; that there is no objective basis to morality or higher purpose behind our suffering; that we are insignificant in a vast and impersonal cosmos; that existence is ultimately without purpose or meaning; and that the effects of our actions will ultimately fade away without trace. It is admirable to acknowledge these uncongenial truths, yet to struggle on as if life were meaningful and strive to make the world a better place anyway, without promise of eternal reward or hope of ultimate victory, and indeed for no good reason at all.
** (p. 308)

* Of course, nothing can be said to argue that people are morally obliged to accept this ethic, for to do so would be inconsistent with the ideas that inspired it in the first place. It is an ethic that will be adopted – if at all – by those who find a certain stark beauty in kindness without reward, joy without purpose, and progress without lasting achievement.
** (p. 308)

=== ''The Ape that Thought It Was a Peacock: Does Evolutionary Psychology Exaggerate Human Sex Differences?'' (with Andrew G. Thomas; 2013) ===
Stewart-Williams, S., &amp; Thomas, A. G. (2013). The ape that thought it was a peacock: Does evolutionary psychology exaggerate human sex differences? &lt;I&gt;Psychological Inquiry, 24&lt;/I&gt;, 137-168.

* As a result of high levels of male parental investment, humans evolved into a somewhat “androgynous” species - a species in which human females exhibit traits generally found only in males (e.g., competition for mates) and human males exhibit traits generally found only in females (e.g., the provision of parental care; choosiness about mates).
** (p. 138)

* We are a species in which both sexes have their equivalents of the peacock’s tail. Indeed, when it comes to physical beauty, the usual sex difference has arguably been reversed: Females are the “showier” sex.
** (p. 139)

* For much of the 20th century, the blank slate view was the dominant view in the social sciences. With the popularization of [[sociobiology]] in the 1970s, however, evolutionary approaches to human behavior became the locus of an academic culture war between biologically minded thinkers and advocates of the traditional social science model.
** (p. 141)

* The pattern of sex differences found in our species mirrors that found in most mammals and in many other animals. As such, considerations of parsimony suggest that the best explanation for the human differences will invoke evolutionary forces common to many species, rather than social forces unique to our own. When we find the standard pattern of differences in other, less culture-bound creatures, we inevitably explain this in evolutionary terms. It seems highly dubious, when we find exactly the same pattern in human beings, to say that, in the case of this one primate species, we must explain it in terms of an entirely different set of causes — learning or cumulative culture — which coincidentally replicates the pattern found throughout the rest of the animal kingdom. Anyone who wishes to adopt this position has a formidable task in front of them. They must explain why, in the hominin lineage uniquely, the standard evolved psychological differences suddenly became maladaptive, and thus why natural selection “wiped the slate clean” of any biological contribution to these differences. They must explain why natural selection eliminated the psychological differences but left the correlated physical differences intact. And they must explain why natural selection would eliminate the psychological differences and leave it all to learning, when learning simply replicated the same sex differences anyway. How could natural selection favor extreme flexibility with respect to sex differences if that flexibility was never exercised and was therefore invisible to selection?
** (pp. 142-143)

*From a comparative perspective, we are a relatively monomorphic mammal, with relatively monomorphic minds.
** (p. 143)

* Human beings are an exception to many general rules in biology. In many species, female mate choice alone is important; in our species, male mate choice is important as well. In many species, males alone are showy and ornamented; in our species, females are as well. In many species, males alone compete for mates; in our species, females compete as well. In many species, males invest nothing other than sperm in their offspring; in our species, men typically invest a great deal. Not only are human beings exceptional in these ways, but they all tie together into a cohesive story.
** (p. 144)

* The idea that humans form pair bonds, and that males often invest in their young, has a long history in biological anthropology. Early incarnations of the idea were criticized for painting an overly simplistic picture, according to which “Man the Hunter” provisioned his dependent wife and children with meat in a stable nuclear family, suspiciously reminiscent of a 1950s-style Western family. However, with appropriate amendments and qualifications, the idea that pair bonding and biparental care are a central part of our evolutionary endowment appears to be viable.
** (p. 145)

* It is therefore a curious fact that our dominant mating system is more like the typical mating system of birds than that of most mammals, including our nearest relatives, the Great Apes.
** (p. 145)

* Our claim is not that pair bonding is humanity’s singular mating pattern. Our claim instead is simply that the pair bond is the most common setting for sex and reproduction in our species, that it has been for a long time, and that this has left a deep imprint on our evolved nature.
** (p. 145)

* Human beings are, by nature, the kind of animal that falls in love. The cross-cultural record also suggests that humans are also the kind of animal that commonly provides biparental care for its young. In 95% to 97% of mammalian species, only the females care for the young. We would no more expect males in these species to invest in their offspring than we would expect them to get pregnant or lactate. Humans are not like that.
** (p. 147)

* In some domains, women are more sexually selected than men; one could say in these cases that women have the larger “peacock’s tail.” An example can be found in the domain of physical attractiveness. Women are typically rated as better looking than men, by both men and women. The difference is plausibly a consequence of the fact that, although both sexes care about good looks in a mate, on average, men care somewhat more. This means that, since this sex difference first evolved, there has been a somewhat stronger selection pressure on women than men for physical attractiveness — the opposite of what we find in peacocks.
** (p. 149)

* If men in our evolutionary past did not invest in offspring, they would not have evolved strict mate preferences and thus women would be as drab as peahens. The fact that women are &lt;I&gt;not&lt;/I&gt; as drab as peahens suggests a long history of male mate choice, which in turn suggests a long history of pair bonding and high male parental investment.
** (p. 149)

* Most male gorillas either have a harem or do not have a mate; in contrast, most men who have more than zero mates have only one. This means that, whereas only harem-holding male gorillas contribute to the gene pool of the next generation, most human males who contribute to the gene pool do so in the context of a pair bond. Consequently, our evolved sexual nature has been shaped more by pair bonding than by harem polygyny.
** (p. 150)

* However, the absence of perfect concealment does not imply the presence of active advertisement, and if fertility were advertised in humans, we would presumably not need to employ sophisticated experimental methods to demonstrate its detectability.
** (p. 151)

* To the extent that we accept this view, we effectively mistake ourselves for highly dimorphic animals such as peacocks or deer.
** (p. 153)

* Think about some of the highest status men in modern societies: sports stars, rock stars, politicians. At first glance, it might seem that these individuals provide further proof of men’s polygynous nature: They are often notorious for their sexual antics and infidelities (the famous scandal with Tiger Woods is a case in point)... However, the picture is not so simple. Many of these men are in the position where they have essentially an unlimited supply of potential sexual partners. Do all of them or even most of them eschew long-term relationships and opt instead for as many one-night stands and brief love affairs as possible? Sometimes, perhaps, but often they do not. These men — the most eligible bachelors, the highest status males in our species — often do what male chimpanzees never do: They fall in love and form long-term pair bonds.
** (pp. 156-157)

* The idea that women are the choosier sex is one of the best-known claims associated with EP [evolutionary psychology]. Ironically, another of the best-known claims associated with EP is an exception to this rule: On average, men are choosier than women when it comes to the physical attractiveness of a prospective mate. Even if we put this counterexample aside, though, the statement “females are choosier than males,” although true of many species, does not apply easily to our own. It is true that men may sometimes be more willing than women to lower their standards for a casual sexual partner. However, when it comes to the most important mating decisions of a man’s life — who he will marry, who he will have children with — the difference in choosiness is much smaller and maybe nonexistent. This fact of human life is even implicit in everyday folk psychology; the stereotype is that men will “sleep with anything that moves,” not that they will marry or have children with anything that moves. In long-term, committed relationships, men are about as choosy as women.
** (p. 157)

* Language, intelligence, and humor, along with art, generosity, and musical ability, are often described as human equivalents of the peacock’s tail. However, peacocks afford a poor analogy for the role of courtship displays in humans. Other animal models offer a better fit. In a number of nonhuman species — species as diverse as sea dragons and grebes — males and females engage in a mutual courtship “dance,” in which the two partners mirror one another’s movements. In Clark’s grebes and Western grebes, for instance, the pair bond ritual culminates in the famous courtship rush: The male and female swim side by side along the top of the water, with their wings back and their heads and necks in a stereotyped posture. If we want a nonhuman analogue for the role of creative intelligence or humor in human courtship, we should think not of ornamented peacocks displaying while drab females evaluate them. We should think instead of grebes engaged in their mating rush or sea dragons engaged in their synchronized mirror dance. Once we have one of these alternative images fixed in our minds, we can then add the proviso that there is a slight skew such that, in the early stages of courtship, men tend to display more vigorously and women tend to be choosier. However, this should be seen as a qualification to the primary message that intelligence, humor, and other forms of sexual display are part of the mutual courtship process in our species.
** (p. 160)

=== ''The Ape that Kicked the Hornet's Nest'' (with Andrew G. Thomas; 2013) ===
Stewart-Williams, S., &amp; Thomas, A. G. (2013). The ape that kicked the hornet’s nest: Response to commentaries on &quot;The Ape that Thought It Was a Peacock.&quot; &lt;I&gt;Psychological Inquiry, 24&lt;/I&gt;, 248-271.

* Most effects in psychology are relatively unimportant. That is, most variables, considered in isolation, have relatively little impact on behavior. This doesn't mean... that we should all abandon psychology and become plumbers instead. The small magnitude of most effects in psychology is itself a discovery of psychology. One might argue, in fact, that it is one of the great metadiscoveries of the field. Most variables have little impact, and thus most of the phenomena studied by psychologists are products of a multiplicity of variables.
** (p. 251)

* The reproductive benefits of polygyny were so great for genes located in male bodies that the male mind might still have evolved to take advantage of those opportunities, if and when they did arise. As a result, men may harbor strong polygamous desires — much stronger than women’s — even if these desires are frustrated for most men throughout most of their lives.
** (p. 255)

* Just as our tools evolved culturally to fit our hands, so too our social roles evolved culturally to fit persisting aspects of the human mind. Roles that jar too violently with human nature are unlikely to persist for long, at least without the application of significant social force. If this is correct, it raises the possibility that some social roles might have evolved culturally to fit traits that, although found in both sexes, are more common in one than the other. This is emphatically &lt;I&gt;not&lt;/I&gt; to say that there are some male roles and some female roles. But it is to suggest that there might be some social roles that suit more men than women, and others that suit more women than men — not just because of evolved physical differences but because of evolved psychological differences as well.
** (p. 261)

* Imagine that a zoologist from Mars was sent to Earth to study elephants, and that it had never seen one before. Its initial observation upon seeing a herd of elephants for the first time would presumably &lt;I&gt;not&lt;/I&gt; be: “Wow! On average, the males are somewhat larger than the females!” It would be: “Wow! Those are large animals!” A follow-up observation would be the average sex difference in size. However, this would be a qualification to the initial observation — a peripheral rather than a central claim about the morphology of elephants. If, in its subsequent report, the Martian zoologist began by highlighting the sex difference and barely mentioned that elephants are, first and foremost, large animals, we should not be surprised if other Martians got the wrong idea.
** (p. 266)

* The distinction between central and peripheral claims is applicable to many aspects of human sexuality. Consider, for instance, the emotion of jealousy. Evolutionary psychologists place a strong emphasis on sex differences in this domain. The standard claim is that men are more worried by a partner’s sexual infidelity than emotional infidelity, whereas women are more worried by a partner’s emotional infidelity... [However] the overwhelming trend is that most men and most women are extremely upset by both sexual &lt;I&gt;and&lt;/I&gt; emotional infidelity. This suggests that the central EP claim regarding jealousy should be “Human beings evolved to experience jealousy in romantic relationships” rather than “Men and women evolved different patterns of jealousy.” The latter statement is true but should be considered a qualification to the former: a peripheral rather than a central claim. To stress the sex difference alone would be like observing that male elephants are bigger than females while steadfastly neglecting to mention that all adult elephants are large compared to most terrestrial animals. It would almost certainly foster an inaccurate view.
** (pp. 266-267)

* A similar analysis applies within the realm of mate preferences. Several commentators pointed out that sex differences in human mate preferences are generally quite small... As such, the central claim in EP [evolutionary psychology] should probably be &quot;Human beings evolved to put a fair amount of weight on good looks in a mate&quot; rather than &quot;Men evolved to put more weight on good looks than women.&quot; Again, the latter statement is true but potentially misleading. This sounds like a contradiction, but it is not; the statement is misleading &lt;I&gt;if&lt;/I&gt; it is given undue weight.
** (p. 267)

* When it comes to the traits we consider most important in a long-term mate, human beings are largely monomorphic. This is one of the most significant findings of these studies; however, it is easily overlooked when the discussion becomes fixated on traits that people consider less important but where sex differences are found. By shining a spotlight on these traits, we may create an inaccurate picture of our species, &lt;I&gt;even though the differences are real&lt;/I&gt;. Our picture of human nature may be built on a foundation of exceptions to the rule. The rule — the fact that males and females in our species are surprisingly similar in many ways — may be relegated to the background. By taking genuine differences and then exaggerating their importance, our picture of our evolved nature may become a caricature: It may contain a recognizable grain of truth but distort its object.
** (p. 267)

* A danger in emphasizing mean values for each sex is that these values may be projected onto all or most normally developing men and women. The mean may be treated as a description of the typical group member, despite the fact that the majority of individuals fall above or below it. Psychologists do make some effort to stress that means cannot be attributed to all members of any group, as evidenced by the fact that we often append the phrase “on average” to our descriptions of mean differences. But is this enough? Consider again the robust sex difference in willingness to engage in casual sex: The mean SO [sociosexuality] score for men is higher than that for women. What does this tell us, though, about &lt;I&gt;individual&lt;/I&gt; men and women? It clearly does not tell us that all men are interested in casual sex and that all women are not. However, given the degree of overlap between the male and female distributions, it also does not tell us that &lt;I&gt;a large majority&lt;/I&gt; of men are more interested in casual sex than a large majority of women. That is, it is not accurate to say even that “men are &lt;I&gt;typically&lt;/I&gt; more interested in casual sex than women, but there are of course exceptions.” Here is what the data that the means are drawn from actually tell us:
** Men and women can be found at virtually every level of interest in casual sex. At the right-hand tail of the distribution, only a small number of people are strongly interested in casual sex; however, of these people, more are men than women. At the left-hand tail, only a small number of people are strongly &lt;I&gt;dis&lt;/I&gt;interested in casual sex; however, of these people, more are women than men. Most people — men &lt;I&gt;and&lt;/I&gt; women — fall somewhere in between. If you were to choose one man and one woman at random, it would be somewhat more likely that the man would have higher SO. However, you wouldn't want to bet your life savings on it. Around a third of the time — i.e., closer to 50% than to 0% — the woman would have higher SO.
* If this is not what springs immediately to mind as soon as the words “on average” are appended to a description of mean differences, then the words “on average” have not rectified the damage done by the use of means to describe populations of varied individuals.
** (p. 268)

* This is especially important when addressing less statistically savvy audiences. Such audiences could perhaps be encouraged to think of two normal distributions, one representing males and the other females. Instead of imagining that natural selection creates two distinct psychological types — a male type and a female type, described by the mean values for each group — they could be encouraged to imagine that natural selection pushes the male and female distributions closer together or further apart. This simple expedient may help people to visualize the effects of natural selection on average sex differences without at the same time losing sight of the variation within each sex.
** (p. 268)

=== ''The Ape That Understood the Universe: How the Mind and Culture Evolve'' (2018)===
* &quot;Once a suitable mate is located, humans engage in various peculiar mating rituals. The male, for example, may give the female a bundle of plant genitals (or “flowers”), or the pair may take turns making noises at each other while imbibing fermented plant juice.&quot; (Quote from an alien scientists report on our species.)
** (p. 6)

* Even in the age of science, we understand the motions of the distant, ancient stars better than we understand the organism observing them: ourselves.
** (p. 10)

* The starting point for evolutionary psychology is the idea that human beings are animals, and that like all animals, we’re products of natural selection. This is true of our bodies, but it’s also true of our minds.
** (p. 11)

* Humans are as dependent on culture as we are on oxygen; without it, we’re as naked and vulnerable as a crab without a shell.
** (p. 13)

* We’re clusters of chemical reactions that contemplate deep truths about the nature of reality.
** (p. 15)

* The year 1838 represents an important milestone for the planet Earth. For this was the year in which a tiny fragment of the Earth – a fragment known as Charles Darwin – answered an ancient and bewildering question: Why are we here?
** (p. 16)

* Nature isn’t just a bloodbath; it’s also a vast, unending orgy.
** (p. 20)

* The evolutionary explanation for the peacock’s tail has an interesting implication, namely that the mind of one sex can help shape the body of the other.
** (p. 21)

* Does female orgasm have an evolutionary function? Ironically, scientists have yet to come to a satisfying conclusion about this matter.
** (p. 58)

* People who object to the by-product hypothesis [for female orgasm] are doing something strange: They're saying that it's hugely important to them that female orgasm turns out to be an adaptation, like vomiting, cobra venom, and the scorpion's stinger, rather than a &quot;mere&quot; cultural invention, like science, medicine, and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
** (p. 59)

* Thus, a curious fact about natural selection is that, even though it’s a completely mindless process – a process without foresight or understanding – it has given rise to creatures that have minds, that have foresight, and that even have some basic understanding of the universe of which they’re a part.
** (p. 61)

* Psychology has made a lot less progress than it could have because too many psychologists know too little about other animals.
** (p. 66)

* The Nurture Only theory asks us to believe not only that selection eliminated the [sex] differences for reasons unknown, but that learning and culture then coincidentally reproduced exactly the same differences in every culture on record. This is not a compelling thesis.
** (p. 90)

* Seen through a Darwinian lens, men’s stronger interest in a partner’s looks is initially quite mysterious. In most species, it’s the females that care more about looks. Among peacocks, for instance, peahens will only mate with the males with the sexiest tails; males, in contrast, are less shallow and will mate with any female who’ll have them. If peacocks had pornography, it would be the females, not the males, that would spend their time staring at images of the other sex, and the males that would complain about being treated as sex objects. And what’s true of peacocks is true as well of most animals. In our species, however, it’s the other way around. Why?
** (pp. 93-94)

* Why would natural selection give men the physical equipment needed for violence but not the psychological machinery to operate it? This would make about as much sense as giving us teeth and a digestive system, but not a desire to eat.
** (p. 107)

* By clamping down on male aggression, culture may make the sex difference in aggression &lt;I&gt;smaller&lt;/I&gt; than it would otherwise have been.
** (p. 108)

* As far as we know, no woman in the history of the species has ever given birth and thought: “Wait a minute! How do I know that this baby is mine and not some other woman’s?” In contrast, if a baby comes out of the body of a woman you slept with nine months ago, that’s not nearly as reliable a clue. As an old saying has it, maternity is a matter of fact, paternity a matter of opinion.
** (p. 111)

* Contrary to stubborn anthropological myth, people everywhere fall in love... the idea that romantic love is an invention of Western culture is itself an invention of Western culture.
** (pp. 144-145)

* A well-designed parental male will tend to end up investing in his own offspring, rather than the offspring of his good-looking next- door neighbor. And one way to help ensure that this happens is to be easily moved to jealousy.
** (p. 149)

* Jane Goodall once wrote about a female chimpanzee who mated with more than fifty males in a single day. This is uncommon among human beings, even in LA.
** (p. 170)

* This is the irritating reality of the human condition: Whatever we do, we’re left with unfulfilled desires. Human beings are chronically conflicted animals. And that’s because that’s what selection made us.
** (p. 173)

* What accounts for psychologists’ kin-blindness – a blindness so profound it would lead to the vaporization of lazy aliens? Part of the answer is that many psychologists, as I’ve already mentioned, have an empty space in their brains where their knowledge of evolution should be. They know little about other animals and little about the nature of the evolutionary process. This impairs their understanding of their own species.
** (p. 178)

* As a result of cumulative culture, we have ideas in our heads that are orders of magnitude smarter than we are.
** (p. 236)

* Humans are chimpanzees reciting Shakespeare – dunces with the technology of geniuses.
** (p. 236)

* Albert Schweitzer once observed that “When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.” This was clearly not meant as a compliment. People quote Schweitzer’s statement to thumb their noses at the way we copy each other – which, when you think about it, is rather ironic.
** (p. 238)

* It’s often a good idea to adopt the practices and beliefs of the people around you. For one thing, the people around you aren’t dead. If you do what they do – eat what they eat; avoid the dark alleys they avoid – &lt;I&gt;you&lt;/I&gt; might continue not being dead as well.
** (p. 240)

* During the heyday of European colonialism, a number of indigenous groups came to the view that, if they had faith, the Europeans’ bullets couldn’t harm them. Needless to say, this meme had disastrous consequences. One group infected with the meme – the Mahdists of Sudan – lost 11,000 men in a single battle to the bullets of Kitchener’s army. This was bad for them obviously, but it was also bad for the meme. In effect, the meme removed itself from the meme pool through its effects on its hosts’ behavior.
** (p. 257)

* Rather than the human brain evolving for God, God evolved for the human brain.
** (p. 260)

* As memetic evolution picked up steam, humans were transformed. No longer were we devices designed solely to pass on our genes. Suddenly, we became hybrid creatures, torn between passing on our genes and passing on our memes. This vision of our species helps to explain much of what most puzzled the alien scientist: our moral systems, our religions, our art and music and science. Cultural evolution is the key to unravelling the deepest mysteries of the human animal.
** (p. 280)

* Whether a trait is natural or unnatural is irrelevant to the question of whether it’s good. Moral worth should be judged not in terms of the naturalness of a trait, but rather in terms of how that trait impacts the wellbeing of everyone affected by it. Thus, violence is natural but bad, medicine unnatural but good.
** (p. 284)

=== ''Men, Women and STEM: Why the Differences and What Should be Done?'' (with Lewis G. Halsey; 2021)===

* [This] paper has two main aims. The first is to examine the evidence that factors other than workplace discrimination contribute to the gender gaps in STEM. These include relatively large average sex differences in career and lifestyle preferences, and relatively small average differences in cognitive aptitudes – some favouring males, others favouring females – which are associated with progressively larger differences the further above the average one looks. The second aim is to examine the evidence suggesting that these sex differences are not purely a product of social factors but also have a substantial biological (i.e. inherited) component.
** (p. 3)

* Members of both sexes can be found at every point on the things vs. people continuum; however, more men than women exhibit a stronger interest in things, whereas more women than men exhibit a stronger interest in people... To get an intuitive sense of the magnitude of the difference, if one were to pick pairs of people at random, one man and one woman, the man would be more things-oriented than the woman around 75% of the time.
** (pp. 4-5)

* [I]f we make the reasonable ballpark assumption that people working in a given field tend to come from the 25% of people most interested in that field, sex differences in occupational interests would account for the entirety of the engineering gender gap and much of the gap in science and mathematics.
** (p. 5)

* Sex differences in occupational preferences and priorities suggest one possible reason that more men than women go into maths-intensive STEM fields. The reason, put simply, is that more men than women &lt;i&gt;want&lt;/i&gt; to go into these fields.
** (p. 5)

* [T]he same sex differences in occupational preferences have been found in every society where psychologists have looked for them. In one large study (N ≈ 200,000), Lippa found the differences in 53 out of 53 nations: a level of cross-cultural unanimity almost unheard of within psychology.
** (p. 6)

* First, the claim is not that men perform better than women in every cognitive domain. On the contrary, men perform better in some domains whereas women perform better in others. The best-known examples are that men score higher than women on most tests of spatial ability, whereas women score higher than men on most tests of language ability, including verbal comprehension, reading, and writing... Second, even in areas where men do perform better, the claim is not that all men – or even most – perform better than all or most women. As with occupational preferences, members of both sexes vary enormously in every cognitive aptitude, and the distribution for men overlaps almost entirely with that for women. However, for some aptitudes, the distribution for one sex is shifted somewhat to the right of that for the other, such that the average score for the former is somewhat higher. In saying this, it’s worth stressing that the average score does not describe all members of the group, or even the typical member, but merely represents the central tendency within a broad array of scores. Most people fall above or below the average. Third, the claim is not that these cognitive sex differences are especially large. On the contrary, at the centre of the distribution, they tend to be quite small. The only reason they matter at all is that even small differences at the mean are associated with progressively larger differences the further from the mean one looks... Fourth, the claim is not that women lack the cognitive talents to make it in STEM. &lt;i&gt;Most&lt;/i&gt; people lack the cognitive talents, and of those who do possess them, some are men and some are women.
** (pp. 7-8)

* [A]mong the minority of people who possess exceptional mathematical abilities, the women are more likely to possess exceptional language abilities as well. This means that mathematically gifted women have more vocational options than their male counterparts, and consequently that fewer mathematically gifted women end up pursuing a STEM career. To the extent that this explains the gender gap in maths-intensive fields, the gap results not from mathematically gifted women having fewer options, but rather from them having more.
** (p. 9)

* [Sociocultural] explanations are vulnerable to a number of criticisms. To begin with, it is unclear to what extent current social influences actually point in the direction these explanations presuppose. According to one study, by four years of age, girls tend to assume that boys are academically inferior, and by seven, boys assume the same thing. Similarly, teachers tend to view their female students as superior at maths and reading, even when aptitude tests indicate that the boys are doing better. Popular culture often mirrors these trends, with girls depicted as academically superior to boys (consider, for instance, Bart and Lisa from &lt;i&gt;The Simpsons&lt;/i&gt;, and Ron and Hermione from the &lt;i&gt;Harry Potter&lt;/i&gt; series.
** (p. 10)

* [A] large meta-analysis by Xu et al. (N = 254,231) concluded that gay men tend to have spatial and linguistic abilities comparable to those of straight women, whereas lesbians tend to have spatial abilities comparable to those of straight men (but female-typical linguistic abilities)... Gay men were presumably subject to essentially the same gender-specific social forces as straight men, and lesbians the same gender-specific social forces as straight women. As such, the near-reversal of the usual spatial vs. language pattern is hard to reconcile with the claim that this pattern is due largely to social forces.
** (pp. 11-12)

* [T]he evidence for discrimination in STEM is considerably more mixed than is often assumed. Certainly, many studies have found evidence of anti-female discrimination in STEM. At the same time, however, many other studies have failed to find such discrimination, or have found discrimination in &lt;i&gt;favour&lt;/i&gt; of women.
** (p. 17)

* Real-world data going back to the 1980s suggest that, although fewer women apply for jobs in fields such as maths, physics, chemistry, biology, and engineering, those who do apply are no less likely to be interviewed and no less likely to be offered the job. On the contrary, they are generally &lt;i&gt;more&lt;/i&gt; likely to be.
** (p. 17)

* In the quest to promote women in STEM, academics and activists may sometimes inadvertently overstate the ubiquity of bias and discrimination against women in this sector. An unintended consequence may be to scare away some women who would otherwise be interested in a STEM career... If women are given the impression that the STEM workplace is a hotbed of sexism and an unwelcome place for women, many might quite understandably decide to look for other fields in which to make their mark.
** (p. 19)

* Several studies have concluded that tests of implicit bias (in particular, the &lt;i&gt;Implicit Association Test&lt;/i&gt; or &lt;i&gt;IAT&lt;/i&gt;) have poor test-retest reliability, and fail to predict discriminatory behaviour. Furthermore, though interventions may change people’s implicit biases to some degree – or do so, at least, in the short-term – the effects of such changes on behaviour are trivially small or non-existent, even in the immediate wake of the intervention.
** (p. 22)

* [O]ne of the main moral foundations of the women’s liberation movement – and indeed of all liberation movements – is the idea that individuals should be treated fairly and equally, and that unjust barriers should be removed. A policy that advantages members of one demographic group over those of another necessarily abandons those principles. In doing so, it risks leaving the women’s movement without one of its main moral foundations.
** (p. 22)

* Why should any individual woman today be advantaged over any individual man just because &lt;i&gt;other&lt;/i&gt; men were advantaged over other women in the past? Reversing historical injustices does not erase them; it merely adds to the total number of injustices in the world. The question we face today, therefore, is this: Is the appropriate response to injustice to try to eliminate it, or to turn it on its head?
** (p. 22)

* [I]t is not only men who may be harmed by preferences and quotas. In a number of ways, women could be harmed as well. To begin with, such policies could cast a shadow of doubt over women’s genuine accomplishments.
** (p. 22)

* Most women do not want a career in STEM and nor do most men. Why should the small fraction of women who &lt;i&gt;do&lt;/i&gt; want such a career be the same size as the small fraction of men? To put it another way, as long as everyone has the opportunity to pursue a STEM career, and as long as the selection process is fair, why would it be important to get as many women as men into jobs that fewer women want?
** (p. 24)

* [P]olicies that artificially engineer gender parity – financial incentives and quotas, for instance – could potentially &lt;i&gt;lower&lt;/i&gt; aggregate happiness. To the extent that these policies work, they necessarily mean that some people will be funnelled into occupations that are less in line with their tastes and talents.
** (p. 24)

* Why should we put a statistical, collective goal – i.e., more equal sex ratios in STEM – above the happiness and autonomy of the flesh-and-blood individuals who constitute those collectives? Why should policy makers’ preference for gender parity take precedence over individual men and women’s preferences regarding their own careers and lives?
** (p. 25)

* A growing body of work suggests that, in nations with greater wealth and higher levels of gender equality, sex differences are often larger than they are in less wealthy, less equal nations... [R]ather than being products of a sexist or oppressive society, these differences may be indicators of the opposite: a comparatively free and fair one. If so, this casts society’s efforts to minimize the sex differences in an entirely new light. Rather than furthering gender equality, such efforts may involve attacking a positive symptom of gender equality. By mistaking the fruits of our freedom for evidence of oppression, we may institute policies that, at best, burn up time and resources in a futile effort to cure a “disease” that isn’t actually a disease, and at worst actively limit people’s freedom to pursue their own interests and ambitions on a fair and level playing field.
** (p. 25)

* [T]he strong emphasis on increasing the numbers of women in male-dominated fields is arguably somewhat sexist. As Susan Pinker argues, it tacitly assumes that women do not know what they want, or that they want the wrong things and thus that wiser third-parties need to “fix” their existing preferences. It also tacitly assumes that the areas where men dominate are superior.
** (p. 25)

* Based on the foregoing discussion, we suggest that the approach that would be most conducive to maximizing individual happiness and autonomy would be to strive for equality of opportunity, but then to respect men and women’s decisions regarding their own lives and careers, even if this does not result in gender parity across all fields. Approaches that focus instead on equality of &lt;i&gt;outcomes&lt;/i&gt; – including quotas and financial inducements – may exact a toll in terms of individual happiness. To the extent that these policies override people’s preferences, they effectively place the goal of equalizing the statistical properties of groups above the happiness and autonomy of the individuals within those groups.
** (p. 26)

=== ''Not Biology or Culture Alone: Response to El-Hout et al. (2021)'' (with Lewis G. Halsey; 2021)===

* Although men and women are roughly equally represented in STEM overall, in certain fields, the sex ratios are somewhat unbalanced. More women than men are found in health-related fields, for instance, whereas more men than women are found in fields such as computer science, engineering, and physics.
** (p. 1)

* Sex differences in various psychological traits – in particular, average differences in career-related interests – contribute more to STEM gender gaps than is often assumed. These differences are not due solely to learning, but have a biological component as well... Certainly, the evidence for a biological contribution is not beyond criticism. We suggest, however, that the totality of the evidence renders the Nurture-Only view considerably less plausible than the Nature-Plus-Nurture alternative. The evidence we find most compelling includes the stubbornness of the sex differences over time, even despite efforts to eradicate them; the cross-cultural consistency of the differences; the early appearance of some differences during development; evidence linking the traits in question to prenatal hormonal exposure; and in some cases, comparable differences in evolutionarily relevant nonhuman animals. Each of these findings would be more surprising if the relevant sex differences were due solely to culture than if biology were also involved. And although alternative explanations for any particular finding are always possible, the convergence of these very different lines of evidence adds up to a strong &lt;i&gt;prima facie&lt;/i&gt; case for a non-trivial biological contribution.
** (pp. 1-2)

* [I]t is widely accepted these days that people should be treated fairly and respectfully regardless of whether they buck the trend for their sex, and no ethical theory we’re familiar with implies that this is only the case if the trend in question is 100% environmental in origin.
** (p. 3)

* [A]lthough we agree that caution should be exercised in discussing biological explanations, we would argue that this is a specific instance of a more general truth, namely that caution should be exercised in discussing any explanations. It is not only biological explanations that can undergird harmful practices. Environmental theories of left-handedness and same-sex sexual orientation, for instance, have been associated with cruel and unnecessary interventions designed to eradicate these innocuous traits. Environmental theories of human sex differences, if taken to extremes, could potentially produce comparable harms. For example, if we assume that sex differences in career choice are necessarily evidence of bias and barriers, and never products of the freely made choices of those best-placed to make them, we may pathologise the decisions of individuals who take a gender-typical path, and enact progressively more coercive practices to eliminate the remaining gaps. Like earlier efforts to force people into the mould of traditional gender stereotypes, such practices may mean that some people are funnelled into careers that do not align well with their interests and inclinations.
** (p. 3)

* The evidence for bias in STEM is mixed: Although some studies find bias against women, others find none or bias in women’s favour... The mixed findings suggest that narrow-sense anti-female bias is less ubiquitous than sometimes assumed – or that different people have different biases, and these sometimes favour males but sometimes favour females.
** (pp. 1, 4)

* [W]e should strive to eliminate bias and barriers of every kind... What we would argue, though, is that even if this were achieved, STEM gender gaps would be unlikely to disappear given persistent sex differences in interests and other STEM-relevant traits – differences plausibly due in part to biological causes. The question, then, is: Would this necessarily be a problem? In our view, as long as unjust impediments are removed, and everyone is invited, it would not be. On the contrary, it would be unfortunate if, for all the talk of celebrating differences and diversity, we ultimately came to insist that justice requires sameness.
** (p. 5)

=== ''A Billion Years of Sex Differences: How Evolution Shaped the Minds of Men and Women'' (2026)===

* In our species, both sexes are choosy about their long-term mates, and both compete among themselves for the best mates on offer. For that reason, both sexes have their equivalents of the peacock’s tail and the deer’s antlers. Indeed, when it comes to physical attractiveness, females in our species have the larger “peacock’s tail”: a reversal of the usual pattern in nature. It’s all very weird.
** (p. 15)

* In our primary approach to making babies, humans are more like the average bird than the average mammal. Again: all very weird.
** (p. 16)

* According to an old joke, everyone knows that men and women are different… except social scientists. Plenty of research reveals the truth in the jest. One study, for example, found that social scientists are more likely than civilians to chalk up sex differences to nurture rather than nature, and that this even extends to differences between hens and roosters. As we’ll see later, even when it comes to humans, the evidence sides with the civilians, making this one area where laypeople have a firmer grasp on reality than many alleged experts – and one area where academia seems to impair people’s understanding of the world rather than improving it.
** (pp. 17-18)

* If variation and overlap imply that sex differences in brain, mind, and behaviour aren’t really real or important, they equally imply that sex differences in earnings aren’t really real or important – and the same for sex differences in power, privilege, and many other areas central to the activist worldview. The inconsistency in the treatment of the gaps has a political explanation, not a scientific one: The overlap argument is levelled selectively against differences the levellers want to minimize.
** (p. 19)

* A vocal minority see positing sex differences as more than a mere faux pas or difference of opinion, and view it instead as a moral transgression. For individuals in this camp, the idea that the sexes are naturally identical has become a sacred belief. Disagreement is seen not as an honest mistake or interesting challenge to be evaluated, but as sacrilege. And the typical response to sacrilege isn’t a tolerant appreciation of the wonderful diversity of human lifeways: “Well, I’m not personally into sacrilege, but if other people are, who am I to judge?” Instead, the typical response is to censor, to silence, to cancel, punish, and shun.
** (p. 21)

* &lt;i&gt;Our genes push us in certain directions, but our genes aren’t the only things shaping us, and thus we can often push right back&lt;/i&gt;.
** (p. 24)

* Many argue that it’s sexist to say, for instance, that women are more parental than men, or that women are more interested in working with people and less interested in working with things. But the accusation can be turned on its head. The idea that such claims are sexist only makes sense if we tacitly assume that the female-typical tendencies are inferior. Why else would it be disparaging to women to say that more women than men exhibit these tendencies? But if women really are more parental than men, or if they really are more interested in working with people, then we’re taking a negative view of traits that are more characteristic of women than men. &lt;i&gt;That’s&lt;/i&gt; sexist!
** (pp. 24-25)

* We live in an age where, quite rightly, we encourage people to accept and celebrate differences and diversity, and yet we get outraged whenever anyone points any out. Not exactly tolerance of diversity!
** (p. 25)

* There are no average sex differences in IQ, for instance (much to the surprise and disappointment of both sexes).
** (p. 25)

* Even though the risks are real, the sexes do differ on average, and we can’t just lie about that. What we should do instead is &lt;i&gt;tell the truth carefully&lt;/i&gt;.
** (p. 27)

* Unless sex differences are products of discrimination or cause demonstrable harm, progressives have no more right to eliminate them than traditionalists have to enlarge them.
** (p. 29)

* Some differences may never be completely eradicated – not, at any rate, without draconian interventions that limit people’s freedom and potentially make them miserable. Such interventions may be modern-day equivalents of earlier efforts to force gay people to be straight or left-handers to use their right hands: a progressive form of conversion therapy.
** (p. 29)

* Rather than being indicators of a sexist or oppressive society, sex differences may sometimes be indicators of the opposite: a comparatively free and fair one (emphasis on the “comparatively”).
** (p. 30)

* First question: Do intersex individuals undermine the female-male distinction? First answer: No. On the contrary, it’s only possible to even &lt;i&gt;describe&lt;/i&gt; intersex conditions if we &lt;i&gt;assume&lt;/i&gt; the female-male distinction. Intersex conditions are, after all, defined as involving a mixture of female- and male-typical attributes.
** (p. 38)

* If you treat a dog like a cat, it’ll still act like a dog. Maybe it’s the same with boys and girls.
** (p. 64)

* A lot of people want to argue that “Homosexuality is natural; therefore, homosexuality is OK.” I agree that it’s OK, and I agree that it’s natural, but I don’t agree that it’s OK because it’s natural... Consenting adults don’t need a biological justification – or any kind of justification – for who they are or who they love.
** (p. 135)

* In some frog species, females fake their own deaths to escape unwanted male attention; males, on the other hand, never fake theirs to escape female attention.
** (p. 139)

* Men corner the market on what evolutionary biologists call mate-choice failure, with documented cases involving everything from lampposts to trees to vacuum cleaners. We all make mistakes, I guess – but men more often than women.
** (p. 140)

* The most violent category of human being is the toddler, and the only reason we don’t worry more about the epidemic of toddler violence is that toddlers are small and cute, and can’t do much damage with their tiny fists.
** (p. 169)

* On the rare occasions when women get into physical fights, it’s commonly triggered by one woman calling the other promiscuous, albeit usually in less polite terms. When men get into physical fights, on the other hand, it’s rarely triggered by one man calling the other promiscuous. It’s fair to say that such an insult would lack bite. In fact, yelling at a man that ‘You’ve slept with hundreds of women!’ probably wouldn’t be an insult at all.
** (p. 189)

* The default assumption, in lieu of strong evidence to the contrary, should be that we’re continuous with the rest of the living world, and thus that the differences we see in our species have the same origin as those in every other: natural selection.
** (p. 200)

* Even in the healthiest of relationships, a spouse’s or lover’s happiness isn’t necessarily our own. It’s rarely the case, for example, that upon hearing about a partner’s infidelity, people say “Oh, that’s nice! I love my partner, and I’m sure they had fun – so this is great news!”
** (p. 210)

* Even if toy makers and advertisers could conjure sex differences into existence on a whim, why would they? Toy makers would ideally want both sexes to covet their offerings, not just one or the other, as this would instantly double the size of their market.
** (p. 231)

* We often view sexual victimization and partner abuse as women’s problems, rather than more-women-than-men problems. In doing so, however, we once again treat a statistical sex difference as a Mars-and-Venus difference. Ironically, the tendency to polarize sex differences in this domain is particularly common among gender-role progressives, who usually downplay female-male differences.
** (p. 249)

* The fact that more members of group X than group Y suffer problem Z is a bad reason to act as if only members of group X suffer problem Z.
** (p. 251)

* I once spotted an article in &lt;i&gt;The Daily Mail&lt;/i&gt; with the rather striking headline: “How did I raise such a girly girl? Feminist mother cringes at her three-year-old daughter’s love of princesses, frills and pink – and wishes she was into toy cars instead.” I remember thinking how strange it is that people who wish their daughters were less girly, and more like boys, are viewed as pro-female, rather than anti.
** (p. 253)

* Although more men than women make it to the top, more men than women also sink to the bottom – and the overwhelming majority of men don’t end up at either the top &lt;i&gt;or&lt;/i&gt; the bottom.
** (p. 257)

* Men are more willing than women to take risks. Almost by definition, this means a higher chance of great success, but also a higher chance of catastrophic failure. One study found that when an attractive woman was watching, male skateboarders started trying riskier moves on their boards, which led to more impressive stunts and more wipeouts. This is a good illustration of a pervasive pattern, which applies as well to the workplace. According to one study, for example, part of the reason that men start more new businesses than women – and therefore that they succeed &lt;i&gt;and fail&lt;/i&gt; more than women – is that more men than women are overconfident.
** (p. 258)

* It is true that women get fewer jobs in math-heavy STEM fields. But that’s only because fewer women apply for them. Those who &lt;i&gt;do&lt;/i&gt; apply are generally &lt;i&gt;more&lt;/i&gt; likely than men to be interviewed and more likely to get the job.
** (pp. 259-260)

* Strictly speaking, the goal of these efforts isn’t a 50:50 sex ratio in every field. If that were the case, policymakers and activists would be just as worried that more women than men go into the social sciences, health sciences, and humanities as they are that more men than women go into computer science, engineering, and physics – and they’d be just as worried that more men than women work as garbage collectors as they are that more men than women are CEOs. Clearly, they’re not nearly as worried. This tells us that the implicit goal isn’t 50% men and 50% women in every field; it’s &lt;i&gt;at least&lt;/i&gt; 50% women in every &lt;i&gt;desirable&lt;/i&gt; field.
** (p. 267-268)

* Gender-role traditionalists assume that sex differences are natural, and therefore that they’re good. Gender-role progressives assume that sex differences are &lt;i&gt;bad&lt;/i&gt;, and therefore that they’re not natural – or they assume that the &lt;i&gt;absence&lt;/i&gt; of sex differences is natural, and therefore that the &lt;i&gt;absence&lt;/i&gt; of sex differences is good, and that that’s what we ought to strive for.
** (p. 271)

* Men are naturally more violent than women, and male violence is the cause of much needless suffering in the world. We therefore have every right to stifle it, in the process narrowing the sex difference. Again, though, the rationale for this isn’t that sex differences are bad; it’s that violence is bad. After all, another way to narrow the sex difference would be to ensure that women are as violent as men. But that wouldn’t make the world a better place; it’d make it a worse one.
** (p. 274)

* We should treat individuals as individuals, rather than as instantiations of the statistical properties of the groups to which they belong. In other words, we should judge people by the content of their characters, not their sex chromosomes.
** (pp. 276-277)

== External links== 
* [https://www.stevestewartwilliams.website/ Steve Stewart-Williams' Homepage]
* [https://www.stevestewartwilliams.com/ The Nature-Nurture-Nietzsche Newsletter]


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    <title>Militant</title>
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      <text bytes="1945" sha1="bpj6nne239egbfr0z7br4w7sc2lykcq" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Militant|militant]]''' is a person who subscribes to the idea of using vigorous, sometimes extreme, activity to achieve an objective, usually political.
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==Quotes==
* [[Capitalism]] is an exploitative system, as [[Karl Marx|Marx]] has argued so cogently, and as anyone who studies the inequalities [[economic inequality|within]] and [[Colonialism|between]] the countries of the world today must see. It is therefore ''a priori'' likely that its [[ideology]] conceals realities that if known would make the exploited militant.
** [[Andrew Collier (philosopher)|Andrew Collier]], in ''Transcendence: Critical Realism and God'' (2013) p. 85

* Militancy no longer means guns at high noon, if it ever did. It means actively working for [[change]], sometimes in the absence of any surety that change is coming. It means doing the unromantic and tedious work necessary to forge meaningful {{w|coalition}}s, and it means recognizing which coalitions are possible and which coalitions are not. It means knowing that coalition, like [[unity]], means the coming together of [[Holism|whole]], [[w:Self-actualization|self-actualized]] [[human]] [[being]]s, focused and [[Belief|believing]], not fragmented {{w|automaton}}s marching to a prescribed step. It means [[fighting]] [[despair]].
** [[Audre Lorde]], ''Learning from the 60s'', {{cite book |title={{w|Sister Outsider}}: Essays and Speeches |date=1984 |publisher=Crossing Press |isbn=978-0-89594-142-8}}

* Not even when the [[Politics|political]] [[freedom]] of a nation is at stake should the [[Christianity|Christian]] militant make use of an unchristian weapon. The following of [[Jesus]] [[Christ]] is infinitely more important than the maintenance of political liberty at the expense of his [[principles]].
** [[Kirby Page]], ''The Sword or the Cross, Which Should be the Weapon of the Christian Militant?'' (1921), p. 100

==External links==
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    <title>Derryn Hinch</title>
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      <text bytes="7635" sha1="0olz4g8i9lv5ef21w2fd4cncahwt2vt" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Derryn Hinch.jpg|thumb|Hinch at Australian Commercial Radio Awards, in October 2012]]
'''[[w:Derryn Hinch|Derryn Nigel Hinch]]''' ([[9 February]] [[1944]] – [[10 July]] [[2026]]) was a New Zealand-born Australian-citizen media personality, best known for his work on Melbourne radio and television.

== Quotes ==  
* You all should feel angry tonight, very angry, because yet again the legal system in this country has let you down. A court has ruled that a man who committed a ghastly crime against a little girl should walk free and unsupervised. The details are distasteful, but you should know. Hans Lester Watt abducted and raped a three-year-old girl. The 42-year-old was drunk when he took the toddler, and assulted her so badly, she needed medical attention. He said it was revenge, to get back at the innocent little girl's grandmother, whom he claimed had insulted his dead mother. Watt was jailed for 11 years. When due for release last year, the Queensland Attorney-General, understandably, applied to have him classified as a dangerous sexual offender. That meant his jail term could be extended, or at least he'd be released with a supervision order. Remember, this was a three-year-old girl. The court refused the request. The judge found the circumstances were &quot;unique&quot; — that Watt was not an unacceptable risk. Well, I agree it was unique — thank God the rape of a three-year-old doesn't happen often in this country. A psychiatrist said the chances of Watt re-offending were low if he did not drink alcohol, moderate if he did drink, and said the best chance of rehabilitation was if he lived in a dry Aboriginal community. The Attorney-General appealed the judge's decision. Well, yesterday, the Supreme Court turned him down, upheld the earlier ruling that let the child rapist walk free — unsupervised. My mantra for years has been &quot;Who's looking after the children?&quot; In my opinion, the Queensland Supreme Court certainly is not — this decision was a travesty.
** ''Today Tonight'', 24 April 2013.

* Either I am going mad, or this country has lost its marbles, especially when it comes to our legal system. Listen to this. A child murderer had been awarded compensation because the food in jail did not cater for his Islamic beliefs — it was not halal. Halal food bans pork, and all other animals must be slaughtered in a certain way. I didn't know you had to kill cabbages. The baby killer is a Muslim. For four months, in the Maryborough Correctional Centre, he was fed a vegetarian diet. He complained to QCAT (the Queensland Civil and Administrative Tribunal), and he got $3000. When I tell you what this callous bastard did, I think you'll agree he's lucky to even get bread and water. In some countries, he wouldn't still be alive to even ''get'' a meal. Raymond Akhtar Ali ran an halal butcher's shop. He was married, but started having an affair with a 22-year-old employee, Amanda Blackwell. The Supreme Court was told she become his &quot;sex slave&quot;; he got her pregnant. When the baby was born in secret, this devout Muslim killed the child, and the butcher, butchered the baby. The dismemebered body was buried throughout his house. In 2000, Ali was sentenced to life imprisonment. And this killer, due for parole next year, had the audacity to complain about the jail food. So he was fed vegetables. So what? This is a sick joke.
** ''Today Tonight'', 15 August 2013.

* Some of the bravest people in Australia are the men and women, mostly volunteers, who take on one of the deadliest enemies on this planet — bushfires. Even the word spells fear. It's only October, early for bushfires, and yet already firefighters have risked their lives in several states. And that's why I regard arsonists among the lowest of the low. Human rejects, cowards who deliberately light fires, that tear apart this tenderbox country, and put lives at risk. I want you to meet one of these serious criminals, because that's what they are. His name is Alex Gordon Noble. He lit at least ten fires, probably more, in country New South Wales over the past two months. Why did he do it? Because he was bored. And to make it even worse, he is a traitor, he was a volunteer firefighter, what firemen call the ultimate betrayal. Light a fire, sound the alarm, be a hero, helping to put it out. According to police, the 21-year-old crane driver called triple-0 seventeen times. One of his fires closed the Pacific Highway, and tied the helicopters, police and firemen for hours. He has pleaded guilty in court after turning himself into a Tronoto police station. But don't be impressed — he only did it after police visited him to question him about a fire he denied lighting. Alex Gordon Noble has been granted bail. He should not be out, he is a menace to society. I believe that fire bugs should have heavy jail sentences. They are sick, but give them treatment inside prison. This country is too vulnerable at this time of year for leniency. Ask any firefighter.
** ''Today Tonight'', 4 October 2013.

* Recently, I was evicted of [[w:Contempt of court|contempt of court]] over my online editorial about (bleep). I was sentenced to pay a $100,000 fine, or go to jail for 50 days. I believe this was the highest personal fine ever issued in Australia. Other websites, newspapers, and radio stations were not charged for similar or even more controversial material. Yet the judge attacked me for portraying myself as a scapegoat — a whipping boy — and he punished me accordingly. Now it is true, I have prior convictions. In 1987, I was fined $15,000 and jailed for exposing a paedophile priest [[w:Michael Glennon (former priest)|Michael Glennon]]. Glennon had already been to jail for raping a 10-year-old girl, but was still running a camp for kids in country Victoria. And he was still a Catholic priest. He eventually went to jail, and he died behind bars several weeks ago. And to be honest, I feel good about that — he was an evil, evil man. I also spent five months under house arrest in 2011 for breaching court suppression orders, revealing the names of two serial sex offenders at a rally outside Victoria's Parliament House. About 4000 other people also shouted their names. That one cost me my radio job at 3AW. And I was fined and did 250 hours of community service for naming a judge who ruled that a man could not be charged for raping his wife under a 300-year-old British law. In Victoria, that law has since been changed. Now, here we go again. I have made a decision not taken lightly. On principle, I will not pay the $100,000 fine, which was due today. Instead, I'll go to jail. I'll go to jail for 50 days; to draw attention to all the suspended sentences for crimes of violence and child pornography; for the obscenely short sentences given to king hit killers; to draw attention to my campaign for a national register of convicted sex offenders. Already, 30,000 of you have signed up. I'm happy to serve just 50 days of the many years that the convicted paedophile ex-magistrate should be serving. That pervert, Simon Cooper, wasn't even put on the sex offenders register. If my going to jail draws attention to the judges and magistrates, out of touch with community expectations and your safety, then every one of my 50 days behind bars will be worth it. And so I'll go to jail.
** ''Today Tonight'', 16 January 2014.

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.humanheadline.com.au/ Official Derryn Hinch web site]
* [http://twitter.com/#!/HumanHeadline Official Hinch Twitter account]

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      <text bytes="22979" sha1="g7cnn7tphx8y8xsgjcvqnbbegtdm4fl" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Peasant|peasant]]''' is a member of a traditional class of [[w:Farmers|farmers]], either [[laborers]] or owners of small [[farms]]. Its plural form is [[wiktionary:peasant|peasants]]. Peasants form the main labor force in [[agriculture]] and [[w:Horticulture|horticulture]]. It also means a [[country]] person, an uncouth, crude or ill-bred person.
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{{TOCalpha|[[#Anonymous|Anon]]}}
== A ==
*[[Turkey]]'s true [[master]] is the peasant. 
**[[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]], quoted in in Thomas Chi, ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=H9ao45JHuVAC&amp;pg=PT27 U.S.A. Toddler Importing as a Turkish Businessman]'', OilUSA.Co, 1 June 2011, p. 27

* [[Patience|Patient]] like a peasant.
** [[W. H. Auden]], &quot;Voltaire at Ferney&quot; in ''Another Time'' (1940)

== B ==

*They eat the dainty [[food]] of famous chefs with the same [[pleasure]] with which they [[w:Devour|devour]] gross peasant dishes, mostly composed of [[w:Garlic|garlic]] and [[w:Tomatoes|tomatoes]], or [[fisherman]]'s [[w:Octopus|octopus]] and [[w:Shrimps|shrimps]], fried in heavily scented [[w:Olive oil|olive oil]] on a little deserted [[w:Beach|beach]].
**[[w:Luigi Barzini, Jr|Luigi Barzini]], in ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=7X1rZfRn22sC&amp;pg=PA6 Italians]'', Simon and Schuster, 1964, p. 6

*A peasant becomes fond of his [[Pigs|pig]] and is glad to salt away its [[pork]]. What is significant, and is so difficult for the urban stranger to understand, is that the two statements are connected by an and not by a but.
**[[John Berger]], in Chris Philo, Chris Wilbert ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=a9uFAgAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PA116 Animal Spaces, Beastly Places]'', Routledge, 2 August 2004, p. 116
[[File:Van_Gogh_-_Zwei_B%C3%A4uerinnen_beim_Kartoffelgraben.jpeg|right|thumb|My [[wife]] was the first [[w:Art collector|art collector]] in the family, and I didn't become interested until around 1973. The first important artwork we bought was a [[Van Gogh]] drawing of two peasant houses in [[w:Saintes-Maries-de-la-Mer|Saintes-Maries-de-la-Mer]].]]
*My [[wife]] was the first [[w:Art collector|art collector]] in the family, and I didn't be|come interested until around 1973. The first important artwork we bought was a [[Van Gogh]] drawing of two peasant houses in [[w:Saintes-Maries-de-la-Mer|Saintes-Maries-de-la-Mer]].
**[[w:Eli Broad|Eli Broad]], in ''[http://www.laweekly.com/2011-09-22/art-books/eli-broad-blame-my-wife/ Eli Broad: Blame My Wife]'', 22 September 2011

*You know most of the [[food]] that [[Americans]] hold so dear - things like [[w:Hamburgers|hamburgers]] and [[w:Hot dogs|hot dogs]] - were road food, but even before they were road food, they were peasant food.
**[[w:Alton Brown|Alton Brown]], in ''[http://www.mymagic949.com/weblogs/kellys-kitchen/2012/sep/07/i-love-veggie-burgers/ I Love Veggie Burgers!]'', Magic 949, 7 September 2012

== C ==

*'''There are no [[w:Bridges|bridges]] in [[w:Folk songs|folk songs]] because the peasants died building them.'''
**[[Eugene Chadbourne]], in Mark Michaels ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=h2YJAQAAMAAJ The Billboard book of rock arranging]'', Billboard Books, 1 May 1990, p. 192

== D ==

*If ever there was a slamming of the door in the face of constructive investigation, it is the word [[Miracles|miracle]]. To a [[Middle Ages|medieval]] peasant, a [[radio]] would have seemed like a miracle.
**[[Richard Dawkins]], in Hal Marcovitz ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=c0MBotFwfc4C&amp;pg=PT83 Teaching Intelligent Design]'', ABDO, 1 January 2009, p. 83

== E ==
== F ==

*There aren't many great passages written about [[food]] but I love one by [[w:George Millar|George Millar]], who worked for the SOE in the [[World War II|second world war]] and wrote a book called 'Horned Pigeon.' He had been on the run and hadn't eaten for a week, and his description of the [[w:Cheese fondue|cheese fondue]] he smells in the peasant [[w:Kitchen|kitchen]] of a house in eastern [[France]] is unbelievable.
**[[w:Sebastian Faulks|Sebastian Faulks]], in ''[http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/sep/13/whats-in-your-basket-sebastian-faulks Dr John Briffa assesses Sebastian Faulks' shopping basket]'', The Guardian, 13 September 2009

== G ==
[[File:Van_Gogh_-_Acker_mit_pl%C3%BCgenden_Bauern_und_M%C3%BChle.jpeg|thumb|right|I grew up in a family of peasants, and it was there that I saw the way that, for example, our [[wheat]] fields suffered as a result of [[Dust storm|dust storm]]s, [[w:Water erosion|water erosion]] and [[w:Wind erosion|wind erosion]]; I saw the effect of that on [[life]]- on human life. - [[Mikhail Gorbachev]].]]

* There can be no permanent disfranchised peasantry in the [[United States]]. [[Freedom]] can never yield its fullness of blessings so long as the law or its administration places the smallest obstacle in the pathway of any virtuous citizen.
** [[James A. Garfield]], [http://web.archive.org/web/20000523111834/http://www.yale.edu/lawweb/avalon/presiden/inaug/garfield.htm inaugural address] (4 March 1881)

* '''He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds [[peace]] in his [[home]]'''.
** [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe]], in ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=M_W-yRp5jRIC&amp;pg=PA6 Quotes about Home]'', Quotations Book, p. 6

* I have drawn into myself so much that I literally do not see any other people anymore-- excepting the peasants with whom I have direct contact, since I [[paint]] them.
** [[Vincent van Gogh]], in Ingo F. Walther ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=vJ98rfkl1DQC Van Gogh]'', Barnes &amp; Noble, 1 January 1999

*I grew up in a family of peasants, and it was there that I saw the way that, for example, our [[wheat]] fields suffered as a result of [[Dust storm|dust storm]]s, [[w:Water erosion|water erosion]] and [[w:Wind erosion|wind erosion]]; I saw the effect of that on [[life]]- on human life.
**[[Mikhail Gorbachev]], in ''[http://www.loe.org/shows/shows.html?programID=00-P13-00037 Air Date: September 15, 2000 : Gorbachev on the Environment],'' Living on Earth, 15 September 2000

*And it is practically the same in the case of the four or five million poor peasants in [[France]], and also for [[Switzerland]], [[Belgium]], [[Holland]], and two of the [[Scandinavia|Scandinavian]] countries. Everywhere small and medium sized [[industry]] prevails.
**[[w:Herman Gorter|Herman Gorter]], in ''[https://www.marxists.org/archive/gorter/1920/open-letter/ch01.htm Herman Gorter, Open Letter to Comrade Lenin, 1920]'', Marxists.org
[[File:Yuanyang hani farmer.jpg|thumb|right|As [[w:Farmers|farmers]] or owners, the poor peasants possess a piece of [[land]]. The excellent means of transport enables them often to sell their goods. At the very worst they can mostly provide their own [[food]]. - [[w:Herman Gorter|Herman Gorter]].]]
*The [[Russian Revolution|revolution]] in [[Russia]] was terrible for the [[proletariat]] in the long years of its development and it is terrible now, after the [[victory]]. But at the actual time of revolution it was easy, and this was due to the peasants.
**[[w:Herman Gorter|Herman Gorter]], in ''[https://libcom.org/files/Herman%20Gorter-%20Open%20letter%20to%20comrade%20Lenin.pdf Herman Gorter Open letter to comrade Lenin (1921)]'', Libcom.org

*'''As [[w:Farmers|farmers]] or owners, the poor peasants possess a piece of [[land]]. The excellent means of transport enables them often to sell their goods. At the very worst they can mostly provide their own [[food]].'''
**[[w:Herman Gorter|Herman Gorter]], in &quot;Herman Gorter, Open Letter to Comrade Lenin, 1920&quot;

*Because in Russia you were able to triumph with the help of a large class of poor peasants, you represent things in such a way, as if we in [[Western Europe]] are also going to have that help.
**[[w:Herman Gorter|Herman Gorter]], in “Herman Gorter, Open Letter to Comrade Lenin, 1920”

*For the [[Russians|Russian]] masses, the proletarians, knew for certain, and already saw during the [[Russian Civil War|war]], and in part before their very [[eyes]], that the peasants would soon be on their side.
**[[w:Herman Gorter|Herman Gorter]], in “Herman Gorter, Open Letter to Comrade Lenin, 1920”

*To [[judge]] from all [[Communist]] [[Newspapers|papers]], magazines and brochures, and from all public assemblies, one might even surmise that a [[Communist revolution|revolt of the poor peasants]] in Western Europe might break out at any moment!
**[[w:Herman Gorter|Herman Gorter]], in “Herman Gorter, Open Letter to Comrade Lenin, 1920”

== H ==
*Like medieval peasants, [[computer]] [[w:Manufacturers|manufacturers]] and millions of users are locked in a seemingly eternal [[w:Lease|lease]] with their evil [[w:Landlord|landlord]], who comes around every two years to collect billions of dollars of [[taxes]] in return for [[w:Mediocre|mediocre]] [[w:Services|services]].
**[[w:Mark Harris (programmer)|Mark Harris]], in ''[http://seclists.org/nmap-announce/1999/305 Nmap presentation at SANS Network Security 99]'', Seclists.org, 4 October 1999

== I ==
== J ==

*I'm a peasant &lt;br&gt; I'm the [[w:Muzhik|muzhik]] &lt;br&gt;A pest you're [[w:Destiny|destined]] to play the [[music]]&lt;br&gt;And yes it's pleasant to say it's [[beauty]] I'm&lt;br&gt; Indebted to rest respecting it truly 
**Criss Jami, in ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=lt5UAgAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PT7 Diotima, Battery, Electric Personality]'', Criss Jami, 9 December 2013, p. 7

== K ==
== L ==

*This [[world]] is run by people who know how &lt;br&gt; to do things. They know how things work. &lt;br&gt; They are equipped. Up there, there's a layer &lt;br&gt;of people who run everything. But we - &lt;br&gt;we're just peasants. We don't understand&lt;br&gt; what's going on, and we can't do anything.
**[[Doris Lessing]], in Sheldon Rampton, John Stauber ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=_OEPBt16JscC&amp;pg=PT7 Trust Us, We're Experts PA: How Industry Manipulates Science and Gambles with Your Future]'', Penguin, 14 January 2002, p. 7

* The dwarf barefooted, chanting&lt;br&gt;Behind the oxen by the lake,&lt;br&gt;Stepping lightly and lazily among the thorntrees&lt;br&gt;Dusky and dazed with sunlight, half awake;{{pb}}The women breaking stones upon the highway,&lt;br&gt;Walking erect with burdens on their heads,&lt;br&gt;One body growing in another body,&lt;br&gt;Creation touching verminous straw beds.{{pb}}Across scorched hills and trampled crops&lt;br&gt;The [[soldiers]] straggle by.&lt;br&gt;[[History]] staggers in their wake.&lt;br&gt;The peasants watch them die. 
** [[Alun Lewis]], &quot;The Peasants&quot; in ''Ha! Ha! Among the Trumpets'' (1944)

== M ==
[[File:Alexander_Nevsky_Striking_Birger_Jarl.jpg|right|thumb|[[George S. Patton|Patton]] was living in the [[w:Dark Ages|Dark Ages]]. [[Soldiers]] were peasants to him. I didn't like that [[attitude]] - [[Bill Mauldin]].]]
*In verity we are the [[poor]]. This [[humanity]] we would claim for ourselves is the [[legacy]], not only of the [[Age of Enlightenment|Enlightenment]], but of the thousands and thousands of [[Europe]]an peasants and poor townspeople who came here bringing their humanity and their sufferings with them. It is the absence of a stable upper class that is responsible for much of the [[w:Vulgarity|vulgarity]] of the American scene. Should we blush before the visitor for this [[w:Deficiency|deficiency]]?
**[[w:Mary McCarthy (author)|Mary Mccarthy]], in ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=U4xlY1rHCDIC&amp;pg=PA14 Quotes about Poverty and The Poor]'', Quotations Book, p. 14

*We [[w:Forgive|forgave]], followed and accepted because we liked the way he looked. And he had a pretty wife. Camelot was fun, even for the peasants, as long as it was televised to their [[huts]].
**[[w:Joe McGinniss|Joe McGinniss]], in ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=-ubrAAAAMAAJ The language lens]'', Prentice-Hall, 1973, p. 70

*[[George S. Patton|Patton]] was living in the [[Dark Ages]]. [[Soldiers]] were peasants to him. I didn't like that [[attitude]].
**[[Bill Mauldin]], in George L. Hand ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=k0HoM3SCWzoC&amp;pg=PA59 World War Ii, To The Greatest Generation/A Poetic History of the War's Duration]'', iUniverse, 3 January 2012, p. 59 

*I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been [[educated]] sufficiently to [[reason]] incorrectly.
**[[Michel de Montaigne]], in Lloyd Albert Johnson ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=D8TJX35RMgMC&amp;pg=PA123 A Toolbox for Humanity: More Than 9000 Years of Thought]'', Trafford Publishing, 2003, p. 123

== N ==
[[File:Reeve and Serfs.jpg|thumb|right|[[w:Serfs|Serfs]] in [[w:Kingdom of England|feudal England]].]]
*Today the large [[organization]] is lord and master, and most of its [[employees]] have been desensitized much as were the [[Middle Ages|medieval]] peasants who never knew they were [[w:Serfs|serfs]].
**[[Ralph Nader]], in Iam A. Freeman ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=vWuPAwAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PA366 Seeds of Revolution: A Collection of Axioms, Passages and Proverbs ..., Volume 1''], iUniverse, 26 March 2014, p. 366

== O ==
== P ==

*All men are by nature equal, made all of the same [[earth]] by one [[Working class|Workman]]; and however we deceive ourselves, as dear unto [[God]] is the poor peasant as the mighty [[prince]].
**[[Plato]], in Pastor Stephen Kyeyune ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=QOCH0UvLMJAC&amp;pg=PA109 The Legacy of a Hero; Life Lived from the Christian Prospective]'', AuthorHouse, 6 February 2013

*I should consent to [[w:Breed|breed]] under [[w:Pressure|pressure]], if I were convinced in any way of the reasonableness of reproducing the [[w:Species|species]]. But my nerves and the nerves of any woman I could live with three months, would produce only a victim... lacking in [[w:Impulse|impulse]], a mere bundle of [[w:Discrimination|discrimination]]s. If I were [[wealthy]] I might subsidize a [[stud]] of young peasants, or a [[w:Tribal|tribal]] group in [[w:Tahiti|Tahiti]].
**[[Ezra Pound]], in ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=fUu1dfWnyUEC&amp;pg=PA7 Quotes by Pound Ezra]'', Quotations Book, p. 7

== Q ==
== R ==

*Only in [[America]] do these peasants, our [[mothers]], get their hair dyed [[w:Platinum|platinum]] at the age of sixty, and walk up and down Collins Avenue in [[Florida]] in pedal pushers and mink stoles / and with opinions on every subject under the [[sun]]. It isn't their fault they were given a [[gift]] like speech / look, if cows could talk, they would say things just as [[idiotic]].
**[[Philip Roth]], in ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=dKYbU9qjEOQC&amp;pg=PA8&amp;lpg=PA8. Quotes about Mothers]'', Quotations Book. P.8

== S ==
[[File:Yunnan riziere.jpg|right|thumb|The benefit of rich families putting their child through [[w:Harvard University|Harvard]] is always going to exist. But it's quite evident that there are 700 million peasants in [[China]] who are never going to go to Harvard. - [[w:Michael J. Saylor|Michael J. Saylor]].]]
[[File:S. V. Ivanov. Yuri's Day. (1908).jpg|right|thumb|Scratch a [[Russian]] you'll find a [[Tatar]]. Scratch a Russian worker and you'll find a peasant.]]
*The benefit of rich families putting their child through [[Harvard University|Harvard]] is always going to exist. But it's quite evident that there are 700 million peasants in [[China]] who are never going to go to Harvard.
**[[w:Michael J. Saylor|Michael J. Saylor]], in Alisha Azevedo ''[http://chronicle.com/article/A-Dot-Com-Entrepreneurs/135702/ A Dot-Com Entrepreneur's Wild Ambition: Drive Education Costs to Zero]'', The Chronicler of Higher Education, 11 November 2012

*Scratch a Russian you'll find a Tatar. Scratch a Russian worker and you'll find a peasant.
**Old saying, in Caradog Vaughan James ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=MeF9AAAAIAAJ Soviet Socialist Realism: Origins and Theory]'', MacMillan, 1973, p. 48

*After we passed a few more houses, the street ceased to maintain any pretense of urbanity, like a man returning to his little village who, piece by piece, strips off his Sunday best, slowly changing back into a peasant as he gets closer to his home.
**[[w:Bruno Schulz|Bruno Schulz]], in Bruno Schulz, Jonathan Safran Foer, David Goldfarb ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=WdUpAQAAIAAJ The street of crocodiles and other stories]'', Penguin Books, 25 March 2008, p. 5

*[[Commerce]] has set the mark of selfishness, the signet of its all-enslaving [[power]], upon a shining ore, and called it gold: before whose image bow the vulgar great, the vainly rich, the miserable proud, the mob of peasants, nobles, priests, and kings, and with blind feelings [[reverence]] the power that grinds them to the dust of [[misery]].
**[[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], in ''[http://knarf.english.upenn.edu/PShelley/mab5.html Queen Mab]'', knarf.english
*The [[Nazism|Nazis]] and [[Soviet Union|Soviets]] both had a powerful story about who was to blame for the [[Great Depression]] ([[Judaism|Jewish]] capitalists or just [[Capitalism|capitalists]]) and authentically radical approaches to [[political economy]]. The Nazis and Soviets not only rejected the legal and political form of the [[w:Interwar_period|postwar order]] but also questioned its economic and social basis. They reached back to the economic and social roots of postwar [[Europe]], and reconsidered the lives and roles of the men and women who worked the land. In the Europe of the 1930s, peasants were still the majority in most countries, and arable [[soil]] was a precious natural resource, bringing [[energy]] for [[Economics|economies]] still powered by [[animals]] and [[Human|humans]]. [[Calories]] were counted, but for rather different reasons than they are counted now: [[Planned economy|economic planners]] had to make sure that [[Population|populations]] could be kept fed, alive, and productive. Most of the states of Europe had no prospect of social transformation, and thus little ability to rival or counter the Nazis and the Soviets. [[Poland]] and other new [[Eastern Europe|east European]] states had tried [[w:Land reform|land reform]] in the 1920s, but their efforts had proven insufficient. [[Landlord|Landlords]] lobbied to keep their [[property]], and [[Banking|banks]] and [[State|states]] were miserly with [[credit]] to peasants. The end of [[democracy]] across the region (except in [[w:Czechoslovakia|Czechoslovakia]]) at first brought little new thinking on economic matters. [[Authoritarianism|Authoritarian]] regimes in Poland, [[Hungary]], and [[Romania]] had less hesitation about jailing opponents and better recourse to fine phrases about the nation. But none seemed to have much to offer in the way of a new [[economic policy]] during the Great Depression.
**[[Timothy D. Snyder]], ''Bloodlands: Hitler Between Europe and Stalin'' (2010) 

*'''The [[earth]] is the earth as a peasant sees it, the [[world]] is the world as a [[w:Duchess|duchess]] sees it, and anyway a duchess would be nothing if the earth was not there as the peasant sees it.'''
**[[Gertrude Stein]], in ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=R_qGqJ01RFMC&amp;pg=PT71 Everybody's Autobiography]'', Random House LLC, 13 March 2013, p. 71
[[File:Russian peasant girls in front of a traditional wooden house in Kirillov.jpg|thumb|right|In the middle classes the gifted son of a family is always the poorest - usually a writer or [[artist]] with no [[sense]] for [[speculation]] - and in a [[family]] of peasants, where the average [[comfort]] is just over [[penury]], the gifted son sinks also, and is soon a [[tramp]] on the roadside. - ]]
*In the middle classes the gifted son of a [[family]] is always the poorest - usually a writer or [[artist]] with no [[sense]] for [[speculation]] - and in a [[family]] of peasants, where the average [[comfort]] is just over [[penury]], the gifted son sinks also, and is soon a [[tramp]] on the roadside.
**[[J.M. Synge]], in ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=dVFzksf_A_0C&amp;pg=PA113 Beckett and Bion: The (Im)Patient Voice in Psychotherapy and Literature]'', Karnac Books, 2013, p. 113

== T ==

*[[Soldiers]] and peasants lived together on friendly terms; they knew each other and their everyday routines, and [[trust]]ed each other; they shook their heads together over the [[war]].
**[[w:Ernst Toller|Ernst Toller]], in ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=wFQ1AQAAIAAJ Unknown Germany]'', 1948, p. 121

*If the [[w:French nobility|French noblesse]] had been capable of playing [[cricket]] with their peasants, their [[w:Château|chateaux]] would never have been burnt.
**[[G. M. Trevelyan]], in J. A. Mangan ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=MtMskDfTkjsC&amp;pg=PA259 Pleasure, Profit, Proselytism: British Culture and Sport at Home and Abroad, 1700-1914]'', Psychology Press, 1988, p. 259

== U ==
[[File:Pieter Bruegel the Elder - Peasant Wedding - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|right|Every [[marriage]] tends to consist of an [[w:Aristocrat|aristocrat]] and a peasant. Of a [[teacher]] and a [[w:Learner|learner]]. -[[John Updike]].]]
*Every [[marriage]] tends to consist of an [[w:Aristocrat|aristocrat]] and a peasant. Of a [[teacher]] and a [[w:Learner|learner]].
**[[John Updike]], in ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=ajExaDW20kIC&amp;pg=PA47 Quotes about Marriage]'', Quotations Book, p. 47

== V ==
== W ==

*The sole and basic source of our [[strength]] is the [[solidarity]] of workers, peasants and the [[intelligentsia]], the solidarity of the [[nation]], the solidarity of [[people]] who seek to [[live]] in [[dignity]], [[truth]], and in [[harmony]] with their [[conscience]].
**[[Lech Walesa]], in Suzanne McIntire, William E. Burns ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=L-6ghsWDMTAC&amp;pg=PA504 Speeches in World History]'', Infobase Publishing, 1 January 2009, p. 504

*That a peasant may become [[king]] does not render the [[w:Monarchy|kingdom]] democratic.
**[[Woodrow Wilson]], in Tom Frank ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=t_oGhs4r54QC&amp;pg=PT49 One Market Under God: Extreme Capitalism, Market Populism and the End of Economic Democracy]'', Random House, 30 September 2010, p. 49

== X ==
== Y ==
[[File:Writers in farm village.jpg|right|thumb|Writers in farm village of [[Mo Yan]].]]
*I heard so many stories from [[w:Gaomi|Gaomi]]'s peasants that I had an irrepressible urge to write them down. Today, Gaomi's peasants know that they have become famous around the [[world]] through my writings, but I think they are a little puzzled by this.
**, in Illaria Maria Sala ''[http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10000872396390444354004578058514014110452 A Complicated Honor],'' The Wall Street Journal, 15 October 2012

== Z ==

*There is a serious tendency toward [[capitalism]] among the well-to-do peasants. This tendency will become rampant if we in the slightest way neglect [[political]] work among the peasant during the [[w:Co-operative movement|co-operative movement]] and for a very long period and after.
**[[Mao Zedong]], in Tse-tung Mao, Zedong Mao ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=-1UETU2h-AoC&amp;pg=PA32 Quotations from Chairman Mao Tsetung]'', China Books, 1990, p. 32

== Anonymous ==

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      <text bytes="34875" sha1="km1zowb67jsqjnm4ufx6ujgorco04na" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Manufacturing productivity and wages in the United States.svg|thumb|[[Capitalism]] is an exploitative system, as [[Karl Marx|Marx]] has argued so cogently, and as anyone who studies the inequalities [[economic inequality|within]] and [[Colonialism|between]] the countries of the world today must see. It is therefore ''[[wikt:a priori|a priori]]'' likely that its [[ideology]] conceals realities that if known would make the exploited militant. ~ [[Andrew Collier (philosopher)|Andrew Collier]]]]
[[file:EASTER WEEKEND IN DUBLIN (JAMES CONNOLLY 5 JUNE 1868 - 12 MAY 1916)-112714 (26032437825).jpg|thumb|The worker is the [[slave]] of capitalist society, the [[female worker]] is the slave of that slave. ~ [[James Connolly]]]]
[[File:Il signor Mario (5022154063).jpg|thumb|There have always been poor and working classes; and the working class have mostly been [[poor]]. But there have not always been workers and poor people living under conditions as they are today. ~ [[Friedrich Engels]]]]
[[file:Илич - panoramio.jpg|thumb|Notwithstanding all the differences in the aims and tasks of the [[Russian revolution]], compared with the French revolution of 1871, the Russian proletariat had to resort to the same method of struggle as that first used by the {{w|Paris Commune}} — civil war. ~ [[Vladimir Lenin]]]]
[[File:BWHammerSickle.jpg|thumb|The property-owning class and the class of the proletariat represent the same human self-alienation. But the former feels at home in this self-alienation and feels itself confirmed by it; it recognises alienation as its own instrument and in it it possesses the semblance of a human existence. The latter feels itself destroyed by this alienation and sees in it its own impotence and the reality of an inhuman existence. ~ [[Karl Marx]]]]
[[File:US productivity and real wages EN.svg|thumb|The results were impoverishment of the masses, [[w:Marx's theory of alienation|alienation]] of land, and the development of a proletariat. ~ [[Eric Roll, Baron Roll of Ipsden]]]]
[[file:Trotsky Annenkow 1922 cartoon.jpg|thumb|If the White Terror can only retard the historical rise of the proletariat, the Red Terror hastens the destruction of the bourgeoisie. ~ [[Leon Trotsky]]]]
[[file:SARS-CoV-2_without_background.png|thumb|A {{w|worker-coop}} [[w:Co-operative economics|based economy]]—where workers democratically run enterprises, deciding what, how and where to produce, and what to do with any profits—could, and likely would, put social needs and goals (like proper preparation for pandemics) ahead of profits. ~ [[Richard D. Wolff]]]]
The '''{{w|working class}}''' (also '''labouring class''' and '''{{w|proletariat}}''') are the people employed for [[wage]]s, especially in {{w|manual-labour}} occupations and in skilled, industrial work.
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== A ==
* Class instinct is subjective and spontaneous. ... To arrive at [[w:Proletariat|proletarian class]] positions, the class instinct of proletarians only needs to be ''[[Education|educated]]''; the class instinct of the {{w|petty bourgeoisie}}, and hence of [[intellectuals]], has, on the contrary, to be ''[[revolutionized]]''.
** [[Louis Althusser]], ''{{w|Lenin and Philosophy and Other Essays}}'' (1971), p. 2

== B ==
* [[Laissez-faire|Capitalists preach “the market”]] for the working class – stand on your own two feet, don’t rely [[w:Economic interventionism|on the government]] – but themselves sponge off the public big time. Just look at the billions in [[w:Energy subsidy|subsidies]] and [[w:Tax incentive|tax concessions]] the [[w:Fossil fuel#Industry|fossil fuel companies]], huge enterprises for the most part, extract from state and federal governments [[w:Energy policy of Australia#Fossil fuels|in Australia]]. [[w:Automotive industry in Australia|The vehicle manufacturers]] raked in hundreds of millions a year from the {{w|Australian government}} for decades until deciding it wasn’t enough and went overseas. This is why [[w:Big business|big companies]] and [[industry]] groups hire armies of [[w:Revolving door (politics)|former politicians to lobby]] on their behalf in the offices of [[w:Premiers and chief ministers of the Australian states and territories|premiers]] and [[w:Prime Minister of Australia|prime ministers]] – there’s money in government coffers and they want it. And while the capitalists talk about “the market” setting [[wages]] for workers, in reality, they don’t really allow the market to do the job. They use the whole apparatus of [[Oppression|state repression]], the [[w:Labor court|industrial tribunals]], the [[police]], the courts to suppress [[w:Labor rights|workers]]’ [[Freedom of association|rights to organise]] to pursue their demands. But when a [[w:Financial crisis|crisis]] hits all the bullshit about the market is thrown to the winds. And that is just what we are seeing now. Faced with the [[w:Economic collapse|collapse]] of the [[capitalist]] economy, for the second time in a dozen years, with massive bankruptcies on the table and the [[stock market]] plunging by more than 30 percent and more to come, fervent advocates of the [[free market]] are now embracing [[w:Economic interventionism|government intervention]] to save their skins.
** [[Tom Bramble]] on the [[2020 stock market crash]], ''[https://redflag.org.au/node/7067 Everyone's a socialist in a crisis]'', 21 March 2020, ''Red Flag''.

* Workers every day face their own [[w:Crisis#Personal|personal crises]] – lack of money to pay the rent or the possibility of defaulting on their mortgage because the boss didn’t call them in for work this week, overdue utility bills that must be paid or risk being cut off, [[w:Cost of raising a child|expenses for children]]’s education that fall due, the fear of redundancy. These are crises that are experienced personally but are really a collective crisis of everyday life for working class people. But when we ask for governments to respond, we are told that addressing these things collectively is not possible, and that this is just the way things are. But when the capitalist system goes into crisis, governments act promptly. It turns out that political decisions about the economy are possible and it is wholly possible for governments to tell the markets to go jump.
** [[Tom Bramble]] on the [[2020 stock market crash]], ''[https://redflag.org.au/node/7067 Everyone's a socialist in a crisis]'', 21 March 2020, ''Red Flag''

* The most important word in the language of the working class is [[solidarity]].
**[[Harry Bridges]], quoted in {{cite book |last1=Glass |first1=Fred |title=From Mission to Microchip: A History of the California Labor Movement |date=2016 |publisher={{w|University of California Press}} |isbn=978-0-520-28840-9 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=yj0lDQAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PR1}}

*''¡Obrero que alzas el mundo!/¡Obrero que todo entintas!/¡Mano que empuja el futuro''
**Worker who lifts the world!/Worker who colors everything!/Hand that pushes the future
**Canción de la verdad sencilla/Song of the Simple Truth: The Complete Poems of [[Julia de Burgos]] translated by [[Jack Agüeros]] (1997)

==C==
* [[Capitalism]] is an exploitative system, as [[Karl Marx|Marx]] has argued so cogently, and as anyone who studies the inequalities [[economic inequality|within]] and [[Colonialism|between]] the countries of the world today must see. It is therefore ''[[wikt:a priori|a priori]]'' likely that its [[ideology]] conceals realities that if known would make the exploited militant.
** [[Andrew Collier (philosopher)|Andrew Collier]], in ''Transcendence: Critical Realism and God'' (2013) p. 85

* The working class is the victim of a [[conspiracy]] aimed at crushing them, and when there is a conspiracy to crush the working class, it’s the [[Catholic Church|Church]]’s duty to intervene. We value people more than [[capital]].
** [[w:Joseph_Charbonneau|Archbishop Joseph Charbonneau]] on the 1949 asbestos strike, ''Catholicism in Canada, The Canadian Encyclopedia''

* In the status game, then, the working-class child starts out with a handicap and, to the extent that he cares what the {{w|middle-class}} persons think of him or has internalised the dominant middle-class attitudes toward {{w|social class position}}, he may be expected to feel some 'shame'.
** [[Albert K. Cohen]]. ''Delinquent Boys: The Culture of the Gang,'' New York: The Free Press, 1955.  p. 110

* The worker is the [[slave]] of capitalist society, the [[female worker]] is the slave of that slave.
** [[James Connolly]] ''[https://www.marxists.org/archive/connolly/1915/rcoi/chap06.htm The Re-conquest of Ireland]'' (1915), Chapter VI: Woman, p. 38, ''{{w|Marxists Internet Archive}}''

==D==
* What the [[Working class in the United States|workingmen of the country]] are profoundly interested in is the [[private ownership]] of the [[means of production]] and distribution, the enslaving and degrading [[wage]]-system in which they toil for a pittance at the pleasure of their masters and are bludgeoned, jailed or shot when they protest — this is the central, controlling, vital issue of the hour, and neither of the old party platforms has a word or even a hint about it. &lt;br&gt; As a rule, large capitalists are [[Republicans]] and small capitalists are [[Democrats]], but workingmen must remember that they are all capitalists, and that the many small ones, like the fewer large ones, are all politically supporting their class interests, and this is always and everywhere the capitalist class.
** [[Eugene V. Debs]]. ''[http://www.marxists.org/archive/debs/works/1900/outlook.htm Outlook for Socialism in the United States]'' (September 1900) Published in the ''{{w|International Socialist Review}}''

==E==
* ''Was ist der Kommunismus? Der Kommunismus ist die Lehre von den Bedingungen der Befreiung des Proletariats. Was ist das Proletariat? Das Proletariat ist diejenige Klasse der Gesellschaft, welche ihren Lebensunterhalt einzig und allein aus dem Verkauf ihrer Arbeit und nicht aus dem Profit irgendeines Kapitals zieht; deren Wohl und Wehe, deren Leben und Tod, deren ganze Existenz von der Nachfrage nach Arbeit, also von dem Wechsel der guten und schlechten Geschäftszeiten, von den Schwankungen einer zügellosen Konkurrenz abhängt.''
** What is [[Communism]]? Communism is the doctrine of the conditions of the liberation of the proletariat. What is the proletariat? The proletariat is that class in [[society]] which lives entirely from the sale of its labor and does not draw profit from any kind of capital; whose weal and woe, whose life and death, whose sole existence depends on the demand for labor – hence, on the changing state of business, on the vagaries of unbridled [[competition]]. 
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* '''There have always been poor and working classes; and the working class have mostly been [[poor]]. But there have not always been workers and poor people living under conditions as they are today.'''
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* The class of the wholly propertyless, who are obliged to sell their labor to the [[bourgeoisie]] in order to get, in exchange, the means of subsistence for their support. This is called the class of proletarians, or the proletariat.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* The costs of production of labor consist of [[precisely]] the [[quantity]] of means of subsistence necessary to enable the worker to continue working, and to prevent the working class from dying out. The worker will therefore get no more for his labor than is necessary for this purpose; the price of labor, or the [[wage]], will, in other words, be the lowest, the minimum, required for the maintenance of life.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* The [[slave]] is sold once and for all; the proletarian must sell himself daily and hourly. The individual slave, property of one master, is assured an existence, however [[miserable]] it may be, because of the master’s interest. The individual proletarian, property as it were of the entire bourgeois class which buys his labor only when someone has need of it, has no secure existence. This existence is assured only to the class as a whole. ... The slave is outside competition; the proletarian is in it and experiences all its vagaries. ... The slave frees himself when, of all the relations of [[private property]], he abolishes only the relation of slavery and thereby becomes a proletarian; the proletarian can free himself only by abolishing private property in general. ... The proletarian works with the instruments of [[production]] of another, for the account of this other, in exchange for a part of the product. ... The proletarian [[liberates]] himself by abolishing competition, private property, and all class differences.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* The [[manufacturing]] worker almost always lives in the countryside and in a more or less [[patriarchal]] relation to his landlord or employer; the proletarian lives, for the most part, in the city and his relation to his employer is purely a cash relation. The manufacturing worker is torn out of his patriarchal relation by big industry, loses whatever property he still has, and in this way becomes a proletarian.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* Big industry has brought all the people of the Earth into contact with each other, has merged all local [[markets]] into one world market, has spread civilization and progress everywhere and has thus ensured that whatever happens in civilized countries will have [[repercussions]] in all other countries. It follows that if the workers in [[England]] or [[France]] now liberate themselves, this must set off [[revolution]] in all other countries – revolutions which, sooner or later, must accomplish the liberation of their respective working class.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* Everywhere the proletariat develops in step with the bourgeoisie. In proportion, as the bourgeoisie grows in wealth, the proletariat grows in numbers. For, since the proletarians can be employed only by capital, and since capital extends only through employing labor, it follows that the growth of the proletariat proceeds at precisely the same pace as the growth of capital. Simultaneously, this process draws members of the bourgeoisie and proletarians together into the great cities where industry can be carried on most profitably, and by thus throwing great masses in one spot it gives to the proletarians a consciousness of their own strength. Moreover, the further this process advances, the more new labor-saving machines are invented, the greater is the pressure exercised by big industry on wages, which, as we have seen, sink to their minimum and therewith render the condition of the proletariat increasingly unbearable. The growing dissatisfaction of the proletariat thus joins with its rising power to prepare a [[proletarian social revolution]].
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* Bourgeoisie and proletariat have become the decisive classes, and the struggle between them the great struggle of the day.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* In all probability, the proletarian revolution will transform existing society gradually and will be able to abolish private property only when the means of production are available in sufficient quantity. What will be the course of this revolution? Above all, it will establish a democratic constitution, and through this, the direct or indirect dominance of the proletariat.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* The abolition of private property has become not only possible but absolutely necessary. ... The outcome can only be the victory of the proletariat.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* [[Democracy]] would be wholly valueless to the proletariat if it were not immediately used as a means for putting through measures directed against private property and ensuring the livelihood of the proletariat.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* Once the first radical attack on private property has been launched, the proletariat will find itself forced to go ever further, to concentrate increasingly in the hands of the state all capital, all agriculture, all transport, all trade. All the foregoing measures are directed to this end; and they will become practicable and feasible, capable of producing their centralizing effects to precisely the degree that the proletariat, through its labor, multiplies the country’s [[productive forces]].
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* How do you think the transition from the present situation to community of Property is to be effected?&lt;br&gt;The first, fundamental condition for the introduction of community of property is the political liberation of the proletariat through a democratic constitution.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], [http://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1847/06/09.htm ''Draft of a Communist Confession of Faith''] (1847)

* The continual subjugation of the masses depends on competition and internal disunity. As long as [[discrimination]] exists, and racial or ethnic [[Minority group|minorities]] are [[oppressed]], the entire working class is oppressed and weakened. This is so because the [[Capitalist class]] is able to use [[racism]] to drive down the [[wages]] of individual segments of the working class by inciting racial antagonism and forcing a fight for jobs and services. This division is a development that ultimately undercuts the living standards of all workers. Moreover, by pitting [[White people|whites]] against [[Black people|Blacks]] and other oppressed nationalities, the Capitalist class is able to prevent workers from uniting against their common class enemy. As long as workers are fighting each other, Capitalist class rule is secure.
** [[Lorenzo Kom'boa Ervin]], ''[https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/lorenzo-kom-boa-ervin-anarchism-and-the-black-revolution Anarchism and the Black Revolution]'' (1993)

==F==
* The sex life of the working class is nasty, brutish and short. Every survey of behaviour, whether it's sexual offences or marital behaviour or premarital behaviour shows that. I had a dear friend who used to say 'tell me how a man makes love and I'll tell you how he votes', and that is absolutely justified in terms of what we know about class attitude and conduct in sexual matters.
** {{w|Beatrice Faust}}, in Olle, Andrew 1992, &quot;Interview with Richard Walsh and Beatrice Faust&quot;, ''Radio
2BL'', 14 May; as quoted in [http://www.aic.gov.au/media_library/publications/proceedings/20/goldsmith.pdf Sexual Offenders and Pornography: A Causal Connection?]'', by Marlene Goldsmith: Chairman Legislative Council Standing Committee on Social Issues Parliament of New South Wales.

==H==
*Global [[Capitalism|capitalists]] have turned back the clock to the early days of the [[Industrial Revolution]].  The working class is increasingly bereft of rights, blocked from forming [[Trade unions|unions]], paid starvation wages, subject to wage theft, under constant [[surveillance]], fired for minor infractions, exposed to dangerous carcinogens, forced to work overtime, given punishing quotas and abandoned when they are sick and old. Workers have become, here and abroad, disposable cogs to corporate oligarchs, who wallow in obscene personal wealth that dwarfs the worst excesses of the [[w:Robber_Barons|Robber Barons]].
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2021/05/31/chris-hedges-dying-for-an-iphone/ &quot;Dying for an iPhone&quot;] (May 31, 2021), Scheerpost

* [[w:Amazon_(company)|Amazon]] workers, like many American workers, endure appalling work conditions. They are forced to work compulsory 12-hour shifts. They are denied bathroom breaks, often urinating into bottles. They endure stifling temperatures inside the warehouse in the summer. They must scan a new item every 11 seconds to hit their quota. The company knows immediately when they fall behind. Fail to meet the quota and you are fired.
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2022/04/04/hedges-let-us-now-praise-courageous-men-and-women/ &quot;Let Us Now Praise Amazon Unionists&quot;] (April 4, 2022), Scheerpost

* But the rise of capitalism also depended on something else. '''It needed labour. Lots of it, and cheap.''' {{w|Enclosure}} solved this problem too. With subsistence economies destroyed and commons fenced off, people had no choice but to sell their labour for wages - not to earn a bit of extra income, as under the previous regime, nor to satisfy the demands of a lord, as under serfdom, but ''simply in order to survive''. They became, in a word, proletarians.
**[[Jason Hickel]], ''Less is More: How Degrowth Will Save the World'' (2021), p. 47

* Confronting this crisis ultimately means [[w:Anti-capitalism|confronting capitalism]], and that means directly resisting these layoffs, since layoffs are always the first weapon used against working people in moments of {{w|economic crisis}}. {{w|Big business}}es and [[corporations]] that have benefited from years of [[economic growth]] (not to mention the massive {{w|surplus value}} of [[w:Labor theory of value|workers’ labor]]) owe [[w:Employment#United States|employees]] and their [[w:Family structure in the United States|families]] a huge debt and it’s time to pay up. In order to make this happen, working people must organize for and demand: 1. An immediate ban on all layoffs. 2. Full wages for all employees, whether they are working during the crisis or not. And 3. A redistribution of [[w:Working time|working hours]] among currently unemployed workers (including [[w:Migrant worker#United States|undocumented]] and {{w|precarious worker}}s) so that no one is denied the essential [[w:Right to work|right to employment]].
** [[James Dennis Hoff]] on the [[2020 stock market crash]], ''[https://www.leftvoice.org/freeze-layoffs-make-the-capitalists-pay Freeze Layoffs: Make the Capitalists Pay]'' (March 23, 2020), ''Left Voice''

* When times are good, capital can extract huge profits from labor with little risk. For instance, after the last economic crisis, the {{w|S&amp;P 500}} (thanks in large part to [[w:Great Recession in the United States#Bailout of U.S. financial system|government bailouts]]) not only managed to recover all of its losses by 2013, it then proceeded to almost double its value in the seven years that followed — an average rate of growth equal to about 14 percent per year. By contrast, average hourly wages for working people, [[w:Wage growth#The United States|which rose]] less than three percent per year for most of that same period, recovered much more slowly, and many workers actually saw their [[w:Real wages|wages]] fall or remain flat when adjusted for [[inflation]]. When times are bad, however, in moments of crisis, when [[w:Profit (economics)|profits]] are low, or when there is little or no [[Demand|demand]] — such as we are seeing in many industries today — corporations and companies can protect themselves and their {{w|market value}} by simply letting workers go. Workers, on the other hand usually must continue to pay for food, rent, [[healthcare]], and basic utilities in order to survive. As a consequence, while capital can often weather the storm of such economic crises, they can severely weaken the power of the working class by creating what [[Karl Marx|Marx]] called a vast {{w|reserve army of labor}}. And since [[w:Unemployment benefits|unemployment insurance]] compensations are rarely available to all and always only for a short period of time, workers — whether laid off or only threatened with the prospect of layoffs—will eventually be pressured to work much harder for less wages. And this is precisely why the future of worker’s power depends on how we respond to this crisis now.
** [[James Dennis Hoff]] on the [[2020 stock market crash]], ''[https://www.leftvoice.org/freeze-layoffs-make-the-capitalists-pay Freeze Layoffs: Make the Capitalists Pay]'' (March 23, 2020), ''Left Voice''

==I==
* The working class and the employing class have nothing in common. There can be no peace so long as hunger and want are found among millions of the working people and the few, who make up the employing class, have all the good things of life.  Between these two classes a struggle must go on until the workers of the world organize as a class, take possession of the means of production, abolish the [[wage]] system, and live in harmony with the Earth.
** Preamble to the Constitution of the {{w|Industrial Workers of the World}}

==L==
* Two things make the [[future]] [[real]], the [[artist]]'s [[imagination]] and the worker's [[hope]]. [[Fascism]] [[destroys]] both. Therefore the artist and the worker must [[unite]] [[Anti-fascism|to destroy Fascism]].
** [[John Langdon-Davies]], {{cite book |title=Authors Take Sides on the Spanish War |date=1937 |publisher=Left Review |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=qD0gAQAAMAAJ&amp;q=Two+things+make+the+future+real,+the+artist%27s+imagination+and+the+worker%27s+hope.+Fascism+destroys+both.+Therefore+the+artist+and+the+worker+must+unite&amp;dq=Two+things+make+the+future+real,+the+artist%27s+imagination+and+the+worker%27s+hope.+Fascism+destroys+both.+Therefore+the+artist+and+the+worker+must+unite&amp;hl=es-419&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0ahUKEwjK5Y_3h43qAhVOI7kGHf1GBVQQ6AEIJzAA}}. Quoted in {{cite book |last1=Buchanan |first1=Tom   |title=Britain and the Spanish Civil War |date=1997 |publisher=Cambridge University Press |isbn=978-0-521-45569-5 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=eDlPTZNYXIUC&amp;pg=PA32 |page=32}}

* '''Notwithstanding all the differences in the aims and tasks of the [[Russian revolution]], compared with the [[w:French_revolution_of_1871|French revolution of 1871]], the Russian proletariat had to resort to the same method of struggle as that first used by the {{w|Paris Commune}} — civil war.''' Mindful of the lessons of the Commune, it knew that the proletariat should not ignore peaceful methods of struggle — they serve its ordinary, day-to-day interests, they are necessary in periods of preparation for revolution — but it must never forget that in certain conditions the [[class struggle]] assumes the form of armed conflict and civil war; there are times when the interests of the proletariat call for ruthless extermination of its enemies in open armed clashes.
** [[Vladimir Lenin]], [http://www.marx.org/archive/lenin/works/1908/mar/23.htm “Lessons of the Commune”, in ''Zagranichnaya Gazeta'', No. 2 (23 March 1908)], as translated by Bernard Isaacs, ''Collected Works'', Vol. 13, p. 478

* When we are reproached with having established a dictat[[One-party state|orship of one party]] and, as you have heard, a united socialist front is proposed, we say, &quot;Yes, it is a [[dictatorship]] of one party! This is what we stand for and we shall not shift from that position because it is the party that has won, in the course of decades, the position of vanguard of the entire factory and industrial proletariat. This party had won that position even before the {{w|revolution of 1905}}. It is the party that was at the head of the workers in 1905 and which since then — even at the time of the reaction after 1905 when the working-class movement was rehabilitated with such difficulty under the [[Pyotr Stolypin|Stolypin]] {{w|Duma}} — merged with the working class and it alone could lead that class to a profound, fundamental change in the old society.
** [[Vladimir Lenin]], [http://www.marxists.org/archive/lenin/works/1919/aug/05.htm “Speech to the First All-Russia Congress of Workers in Education and Socialist Culture” (30 July 1919)] ''Collected Works'', Vol. 29, p. 535.

* Keep you doped with religion, and sex, and T.V. And you think you're so clever and classless and free. But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see.

** [[John Lennon]] Working Class Hero

==M==
* The [[academy]] now boasts specialists by thousands in Asian studies, GLT studies, Latino/a studies, Native American studies, and multicultural studies, but barely a handful in proletarian studies. It still hasn't found a way to become serious about [[Social class|class]].
** Julian Markels, ''From Buchenwald to Havana'', p. 104

* The property-owning class and the class of the proletariat represent the same human self-alienation. But the former feels at home in this self-alienation and feels itself confirmed by it; it recognises alienation as its own instrument and in it it possesses the semblance of a human existence. The latter feels itself destroyed by this alienation and sees in it its own impotence and the reality of an inhuman existence.
** [[Karl Marx]], ''The Holy Family'', Chapter 4.

* '''Most people have no alternative but to sell their ability to work for a wage and inevitably be paid less than the value they produce. This is the capital order, the backbone of our society that we do not criticize or even discuss.''' It is only through the lens of class that we can escape this trap and understand the functioning of our [[economic system]] and the policies implemented to govern it.
** {{w|Clara Mattei|Clara E. Mattei}}, ''Escape from Capitalism: An Intervention''. (2026). {{ISBN|978-1668085141}} p. 13

* If people no longer accept their condition as low-paid wage laborers without secure employment, our economic system collapses.
** {{w|Clara Mattei|Clara E. Mattei}}, ''Escape from Capitalism: An Intervention''. (2026). {{ISBN|978-1668085141}} p. 13

==S==
*If there is going to be class warfare in this country, it’s time that the working class of this country won that war and not just the [[Elite|corporate elite]]. (Senator Sanders wspeaking to the Iowa [[w:AFL-CIO|AFL-CIO]] convention summer 2019)
**[[Bernie Sanders]] quoted by [[Norman Solomon]] in [https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/02/18/the-escalating-class-war-against-bernie-sanders/ The Escalating Class War Against Bernie Sanders]  (18 Feb 2020)

* '''Marxism is the capitalism of the working class.'''
** [[Oswald Spengler]], ''Prussianism and Socialism'' (1919)

==R==
* It is only the organization and resoluteness of the working class which protects it from the natural tendency of the capitalist to exploit to the utmost.
** [[Walter Rodney]], {{cite book |title={{w|How Europe Underdeveloped Africa}} |date=1972 |publisher=Howard University Press |isbn=978-0-9501546-4-0 |page=163}}

* The expenses of the royal household, wars, and lavish public building were financed by tolls and the profits of the king's foreign trade [[monopoly]], by [[w:forced_labor|conscription of labour]] and heavy [[taxation]]. The results were impoverishment of the masses, [[w:Marx's theory of alienation|alienation]] of land, and the development of a proletariat.   
** [[Eric Roll, Baron Roll of Ipsden]], ''A History of Economic Thought'' (1939), Chapter I, The Beginnings, p. 25

==T==
* The bourgeoisie today is a falling class... by its imperialist methods of appropriation [it] is destroying the economic structure of the world and human culture generally. Nevertheless, the historical persistence of the bourgeoisie is colossal. It holds to power, and does not wish to abandon it. Thereby it threatens to drag after it into the abyss the whole of society. We are forced to tear it off, to chop it away. The [[w:Red_Terror|Red Terror]] is a weapon utilized against a class, doomed to destruction, which does not wish to perish. If the White Terror can only retard the historical rise of the proletariat, the Red Terror hastens the destruction of the bourgeoisie.
** [[Leon Trotsky]], ''Terrorism and Communism : A Reply to Karl Kautsky'' (1920; 1975), p. 83

==W==

* For most workers the transition to [[socialism]] held out considerably fewer rewards. Though everyone appreciated job security and a steady [[income]]—especially those who had experienced the 1930s—living conditions were still poor and the shortages of [[w:Consumer_goods|consumer goods]] and sometimes even food clashed with socialist ideals of plenty. Even worse was the lack of working-class autonomy. All over [[East/Central Europe|eastern Europe]] workers had tasted influence and power of their own in the immediate [[Aftermath of World War II|postwar years]]. In some areas factory councils had taken over the running of plants or negotiated deals with the owners. By the late 1940s [[Communism|Communist]] [[trade unions]] came in and took over workers’ organizations, and officials appointed by the authorities were the new bosses. They set [[production]] quotas after instructions from above, and workers had little influence on their daily existence. Workers protested everywhere, with some condemning the Communists as [[Nazism|Nazis]] in disguise. Gradually, in the post-[[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] era the authorities tried to buy off workers’ protests through accepting lower levels of [[productivity]] and increasing subsidies on [[food]] and [[Renters|rent]].
** Odd Arne Westad, ''The Cold War: A World History'' (2017) 
* A {{w|worker-coop}} [[w:Co-operative economics|based economy]]—where workers democratically run enterprises, deciding what, how and where to produce, and what to do with any profits—could, and likely would, put social needs and goals (like proper preparation for pandemics) ahead of profits. Workers are the majority in all capitalist societies; their interests are those of the majority. Employers are always a small minority; theirs are the &quot;special interests&quot; of that minority. Capitalism gives that minority the position, profits and power to determine how the society as a whole lives or dies. That's why all employees now wonder and worry about how long our jobs, incomes, homes and bank accounts will last—if we still have them. A minority (employers) decides all those questions and excludes the majority (employees) from making those decisions, even though that majority must live with their results. 
** [[Richard D. Wolff]] during the [[2019–20 coronavirus pandemic]], ''[https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/04/06/covid-19-and-the-failures-of-capitalism/ COVID-19 and the Failures of Capitalism]'' (April 6, 2020), ''{{w|CounterPunch}}''.

== See also ==
* [[Capitalism]]
* [[Class conflict]]
* [[Communism]]
* [[Dictatorship of the proletariat]]
* [[Fascism]]
* ''[[Fascism—Fight it Now]]'' (1937)
* [[Proletarian revolution]]
* [[Wage slavery]]
* [[Women in the workforce]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Wiktionary|proletariat}}

[[Category:Labor]]
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      <text bytes="34879" sha1="a9pzmtjr5s77vfyytyi7iz7umc800qk" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Manufacturing productivity and wages in the United States.svg|thumb|[[Capitalism]] is an exploitative system, as [[Karl Marx|Marx]] has argued so cogently, and as anyone who studies the inequalities [[economic inequality|within]] and [[Colonialism|between]] the countries of the world today must see. It is therefore ''[[wikt:a priori|a priori]]'' likely that its [[ideology]] conceals realities that if known would make the exploited militant. ~ [[Andrew Collier (philosopher)|Andrew Collier]]]]
[[file:EASTER WEEKEND IN DUBLIN (JAMES CONNOLLY 5 JUNE 1868 - 12 MAY 1916)-112714 (26032437825).jpg|thumb|The worker is the [[slave]] of capitalist society, the [[female worker]] is the slave of that slave. ~ [[James Connolly]]]]
[[File:Il signor Mario (5022154063).jpg|thumb|There have always been poor and working classes; and the working class have mostly been [[poor]]. But there have not always been workers and poor people living under conditions as they are today. ~ [[Friedrich Engels]]]]
[[file:Илич - panoramio.jpg|thumb|Notwithstanding all the differences in the aims and tasks of the [[Russian revolution]], compared with the French revolution of 1871, the Russian proletariat had to resort to the same method of struggle as that first used by the {{w|Paris Commune}} — civil war. ~ [[Vladimir Lenin]]]]
[[File:BWHammerSickle.jpg|thumb|The property-owning class and the class of the proletariat represent the same human self-alienation. But the former feels at home in this self-alienation and feels itself confirmed by it; it recognises alienation as its own instrument and in it it possesses the semblance of a human existence. The latter feels itself destroyed by this alienation and sees in it its own impotence and the reality of an inhuman existence. ~ [[Karl Marx]]]]
[[File:US productivity and real wages EN.svg|thumb|The results were impoverishment of the masses, [[w:Marx's theory of alienation|alienation]] of land, and the development of a proletariat. ~ [[Eric Roll, Baron Roll of Ipsden]]]]
[[file:Trotsky Annenkow 1922 cartoon.jpg|thumb|If the White Terror can only retard the historical rise of the proletariat, the Red Terror hastens the destruction of the bourgeoisie. ~ [[Leon Trotsky]]]]
[[file:SARS-CoV-2_without_background.png|thumb|A {{w|worker-coop}} [[w:Co-operative economics|based economy]]—where workers democratically run enterprises, deciding what, how and where to produce, and what to do with any profits—could, and likely would, put social needs and goals (like proper preparation for pandemics) ahead of profits. ~ [[Richard D. Wolff]]]]
The '''{{w|working class}}''' (also '''labouring class''' and '''{{w|proletariat}}''') are the people employed for [[wage]]s, especially in {{w|manual-labour}} occupations and in skilled, industrial work.
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}
== A ==
* Class instinct is subjective and spontaneous. ... To arrive at [[w:Proletariat|proletarian class]] positions, the class instinct of proletarians only needs to be ''[[Education|educated]]''; the class instinct of the {{w|petty bourgeoisie}}, and hence of [[intellectuals]], has, on the contrary, to be ''[[revolutionized]]''.
** [[Louis Althusser]], ''{{w|Lenin and Philosophy and Other Essays}}'' (1971), p. 2

== B ==
* [[Laissez-faire|Capitalists preach “the market”]] for the working class – stand on your own two feet, don’t rely [[w:Economic interventionism|on the government]] – but themselves sponge off the public big time. Just look at the billions in [[w:Energy subsidy|subsidies]] and [[w:Tax incentive|tax concessions]] the [[w:Fossil fuel#Industry|fossil fuel companies]], huge enterprises for the most part, extract from state and federal governments [[w:Energy policy of Australia#Fossil fuels|in Australia]]. [[w:Automotive industry in Australia|The vehicle manufacturers]] raked in hundreds of millions a year from the {{w|Australian government}} for decades until deciding it wasn’t enough and went overseas. This is why [[w:Big business|big companies]] and [[industry]] groups hire armies of [[w:Revolving door (politics)|former politicians to lobby]] on their behalf in the offices of [[w:Premiers and chief ministers of the Australian states and territories|premiers]] and [[w:Prime Minister of Australia|prime ministers]] – there’s money in government coffers and they want it. And while the capitalists talk about “the market” setting [[wages]] for workers, in reality, they don’t really allow the market to do the job. They use the whole apparatus of [[Oppression|state repression]], the [[w:Labor court|industrial tribunals]], the [[police]], the courts to suppress [[w:Labor rights|workers]]’ [[Freedom of association|rights to organise]] to pursue their demands. But when a [[w:Financial crisis|crisis]] hits all the bullshit about the market is thrown to the winds. And that is just what we are seeing now. Faced with the [[w:Economic collapse|collapse]] of the [[capitalist]] economy, for the second time in a dozen years, with massive bankruptcies on the table and the [[stock market]] plunging by more than 30 percent and more to come, fervent advocates of the [[free market]] are now embracing [[w:Economic interventionism|government intervention]] to save their skins.
** [[Tom Bramble]] on the [[2020 stock market crash]], ''[https://redflag.org.au/node/7067 Everyone's a socialist in a crisis]'', 21 March 2020, ''Red Flag''.

* Workers every day face their own [[w:Crisis#Personal|personal crises]] – lack of money to pay the rent or the possibility of defaulting on their mortgage because the boss didn’t call them in for work this week, overdue utility bills that must be paid or risk being cut off, [[w:Cost of raising a child|expenses for children]]’s education that fall due, the fear of redundancy. These are crises that are experienced personally but are really a collective crisis of everyday life for working class people. But when we ask for governments to respond, we are told that addressing these things collectively is not possible, and that this is just the way things are. But when the capitalist system goes into crisis, governments act promptly. It turns out that political decisions about the economy are possible and it is wholly possible for governments to tell the markets to go jump.
** [[Tom Bramble]] on the [[2020 stock market crash]], ''[https://redflag.org.au/node/7067 Everyone's a socialist in a crisis]'', 21 March 2020, ''Red Flag''

* The most important word in the language of the working class is [[solidarity]].
**[[Harry Bridges]], quoted in {{cite book |last1=Glass |first1=Fred |title=From Mission to Microchip: A History of the California Labor Movement |date=2016 |publisher={{w|University of California Press}} |isbn=978-0-520-28840-9 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=yj0lDQAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PR1}}

*''¡Obrero que alzas el mundo!/¡Obrero que todo entintas!/¡Mano que empuja el futuro''
**Worker who lifts the world!/Worker who colors everything!/Hand that pushes the future
**Canción de la verdad sencilla/Song of the Simple Truth: The Complete Poems of [[Julia de Burgos]] translated by [[Jack Agüeros]] (1997)

==C==
* [[Capitalism]] is an exploitative system, as [[Karl Marx|Marx]] has argued so cogently, and as anyone who studies the inequalities [[economic inequality|within]] and [[Colonialism|between]] the countries of the world today must see. It is therefore ''[[wikt:a priori|a priori]]'' likely that its [[ideology]] conceals realities that if known would make the exploited [[militant]].
** [[Andrew Collier (philosopher)|Andrew Collier]], in ''Transcendence: Critical Realism and God'' (2013) p. 85

* The working class is the victim of a [[conspiracy]] aimed at crushing them, and when there is a conspiracy to crush the working class, it’s the [[Catholic Church|Church]]’s duty to intervene. We value people more than [[capital]].
** [[w:Joseph_Charbonneau|Archbishop Joseph Charbonneau]] on the 1949 asbestos strike, ''Catholicism in Canada, The Canadian Encyclopedia''

* In the status game, then, the working-class child starts out with a handicap and, to the extent that he cares what the {{w|middle-class}} persons think of him or has internalised the dominant middle-class attitudes toward {{w|social class position}}, he may be expected to feel some 'shame'.
** [[Albert K. Cohen]]. ''Delinquent Boys: The Culture of the Gang,'' New York: The Free Press, 1955.  p. 110

* The worker is the [[slave]] of capitalist society, the [[female worker]] is the slave of that slave.
** [[James Connolly]] ''[https://www.marxists.org/archive/connolly/1915/rcoi/chap06.htm The Re-conquest of Ireland]'' (1915), Chapter VI: Woman, p. 38, ''{{w|Marxists Internet Archive}}''

==D==
* What the [[Working class in the United States|workingmen of the country]] are profoundly interested in is the [[private ownership]] of the [[means of production]] and distribution, the enslaving and degrading [[wage]]-system in which they toil for a pittance at the pleasure of their masters and are bludgeoned, jailed or shot when they protest — this is the central, controlling, vital issue of the hour, and neither of the old party platforms has a word or even a hint about it. &lt;br&gt; As a rule, large capitalists are [[Republicans]] and small capitalists are [[Democrats]], but workingmen must remember that they are all capitalists, and that the many small ones, like the fewer large ones, are all politically supporting their class interests, and this is always and everywhere the capitalist class.
** [[Eugene V. Debs]]. ''[http://www.marxists.org/archive/debs/works/1900/outlook.htm Outlook for Socialism in the United States]'' (September 1900) Published in the ''{{w|International Socialist Review}}''

==E==
* ''Was ist der Kommunismus? Der Kommunismus ist die Lehre von den Bedingungen der Befreiung des Proletariats. Was ist das Proletariat? Das Proletariat ist diejenige Klasse der Gesellschaft, welche ihren Lebensunterhalt einzig und allein aus dem Verkauf ihrer Arbeit und nicht aus dem Profit irgendeines Kapitals zieht; deren Wohl und Wehe, deren Leben und Tod, deren ganze Existenz von der Nachfrage nach Arbeit, also von dem Wechsel der guten und schlechten Geschäftszeiten, von den Schwankungen einer zügellosen Konkurrenz abhängt.''
** What is [[Communism]]? Communism is the doctrine of the conditions of the liberation of the proletariat. What is the proletariat? The proletariat is that class in [[society]] which lives entirely from the sale of its labor and does not draw profit from any kind of capital; whose weal and woe, whose life and death, whose sole existence depends on the demand for labor – hence, on the changing state of business, on the vagaries of unbridled [[competition]]. 
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* '''There have always been poor and working classes; and the working class have mostly been [[poor]]. But there have not always been workers and poor people living under conditions as they are today.'''
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* The class of the wholly propertyless, who are obliged to sell their labor to the [[bourgeoisie]] in order to get, in exchange, the means of subsistence for their support. This is called the class of proletarians, or the proletariat.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* The costs of production of labor consist of [[precisely]] the [[quantity]] of means of subsistence necessary to enable the worker to continue working, and to prevent the working class from dying out. The worker will therefore get no more for his labor than is necessary for this purpose; the price of labor, or the [[wage]], will, in other words, be the lowest, the minimum, required for the maintenance of life.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* The [[slave]] is sold once and for all; the proletarian must sell himself daily and hourly. The individual slave, property of one master, is assured an existence, however [[miserable]] it may be, because of the master’s interest. The individual proletarian, property as it were of the entire bourgeois class which buys his labor only when someone has need of it, has no secure existence. This existence is assured only to the class as a whole. ... The slave is outside competition; the proletarian is in it and experiences all its vagaries. ... The slave frees himself when, of all the relations of [[private property]], he abolishes only the relation of slavery and thereby becomes a proletarian; the proletarian can free himself only by abolishing private property in general. ... The proletarian works with the instruments of [[production]] of another, for the account of this other, in exchange for a part of the product. ... The proletarian [[liberates]] himself by abolishing competition, private property, and all class differences.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* The [[manufacturing]] worker almost always lives in the countryside and in a more or less [[patriarchal]] relation to his landlord or employer; the proletarian lives, for the most part, in the city and his relation to his employer is purely a cash relation. The manufacturing worker is torn out of his patriarchal relation by big industry, loses whatever property he still has, and in this way becomes a proletarian.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* Big industry has brought all the people of the Earth into contact with each other, has merged all local [[markets]] into one world market, has spread civilization and progress everywhere and has thus ensured that whatever happens in civilized countries will have [[repercussions]] in all other countries. It follows that if the workers in [[England]] or [[France]] now liberate themselves, this must set off [[revolution]] in all other countries – revolutions which, sooner or later, must accomplish the liberation of their respective working class.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* Everywhere the proletariat develops in step with the bourgeoisie. In proportion, as the bourgeoisie grows in wealth, the proletariat grows in numbers. For, since the proletarians can be employed only by capital, and since capital extends only through employing labor, it follows that the growth of the proletariat proceeds at precisely the same pace as the growth of capital. Simultaneously, this process draws members of the bourgeoisie and proletarians together into the great cities where industry can be carried on most profitably, and by thus throwing great masses in one spot it gives to the proletarians a consciousness of their own strength. Moreover, the further this process advances, the more new labor-saving machines are invented, the greater is the pressure exercised by big industry on wages, which, as we have seen, sink to their minimum and therewith render the condition of the proletariat increasingly unbearable. The growing dissatisfaction of the proletariat thus joins with its rising power to prepare a [[proletarian social revolution]].
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* Bourgeoisie and proletariat have become the decisive classes, and the struggle between them the great struggle of the day.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* In all probability, the proletarian revolution will transform existing society gradually and will be able to abolish private property only when the means of production are available in sufficient quantity. What will be the course of this revolution? Above all, it will establish a democratic constitution, and through this, the direct or indirect dominance of the proletariat.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* The abolition of private property has become not only possible but absolutely necessary. ... The outcome can only be the victory of the proletariat.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* [[Democracy]] would be wholly valueless to the proletariat if it were not immediately used as a means for putting through measures directed against private property and ensuring the livelihood of the proletariat.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* Once the first radical attack on private property has been launched, the proletariat will find itself forced to go ever further, to concentrate increasingly in the hands of the state all capital, all agriculture, all transport, all trade. All the foregoing measures are directed to this end; and they will become practicable and feasible, capable of producing their centralizing effects to precisely the degree that the proletariat, through its labor, multiplies the country’s [[productive forces]].
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''{{w|Principles of Communism}}'' (1847)

* How do you think the transition from the present situation to community of Property is to be effected?&lt;br&gt;The first, fundamental condition for the introduction of community of property is the political liberation of the proletariat through a democratic constitution.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], [http://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1847/06/09.htm ''Draft of a Communist Confession of Faith''] (1847)

* The continual subjugation of the masses depends on competition and internal disunity. As long as [[discrimination]] exists, and racial or ethnic [[Minority group|minorities]] are [[oppressed]], the entire working class is oppressed and weakened. This is so because the [[Capitalist class]] is able to use [[racism]] to drive down the [[wages]] of individual segments of the working class by inciting racial antagonism and forcing a fight for jobs and services. This division is a development that ultimately undercuts the living standards of all workers. Moreover, by pitting [[White people|whites]] against [[Black people|Blacks]] and other oppressed nationalities, the Capitalist class is able to prevent workers from uniting against their common class enemy. As long as workers are fighting each other, Capitalist class rule is secure.
** [[Lorenzo Kom'boa Ervin]], ''[https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/lorenzo-kom-boa-ervin-anarchism-and-the-black-revolution Anarchism and the Black Revolution]'' (1993)

==F==
* The sex life of the working class is nasty, brutish and short. Every survey of behaviour, whether it's sexual offences or marital behaviour or premarital behaviour shows that. I had a dear friend who used to say 'tell me how a man makes love and I'll tell you how he votes', and that is absolutely justified in terms of what we know about class attitude and conduct in sexual matters.
** {{w|Beatrice Faust}}, in Olle, Andrew 1992, &quot;Interview with Richard Walsh and Beatrice Faust&quot;, ''Radio
2BL'', 14 May; as quoted in [http://www.aic.gov.au/media_library/publications/proceedings/20/goldsmith.pdf Sexual Offenders and Pornography: A Causal Connection?]'', by Marlene Goldsmith: Chairman Legislative Council Standing Committee on Social Issues Parliament of New South Wales.

==H==
*Global [[Capitalism|capitalists]] have turned back the clock to the early days of the [[Industrial Revolution]].  The working class is increasingly bereft of rights, blocked from forming [[Trade unions|unions]], paid starvation wages, subject to wage theft, under constant [[surveillance]], fired for minor infractions, exposed to dangerous carcinogens, forced to work overtime, given punishing quotas and abandoned when they are sick and old. Workers have become, here and abroad, disposable cogs to corporate oligarchs, who wallow in obscene personal wealth that dwarfs the worst excesses of the [[w:Robber_Barons|Robber Barons]].
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2021/05/31/chris-hedges-dying-for-an-iphone/ &quot;Dying for an iPhone&quot;] (May 31, 2021), Scheerpost

* [[w:Amazon_(company)|Amazon]] workers, like many American workers, endure appalling work conditions. They are forced to work compulsory 12-hour shifts. They are denied bathroom breaks, often urinating into bottles. They endure stifling temperatures inside the warehouse in the summer. They must scan a new item every 11 seconds to hit their quota. The company knows immediately when they fall behind. Fail to meet the quota and you are fired.
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2022/04/04/hedges-let-us-now-praise-courageous-men-and-women/ &quot;Let Us Now Praise Amazon Unionists&quot;] (April 4, 2022), Scheerpost

* But the rise of capitalism also depended on something else. '''It needed labour. Lots of it, and cheap.''' {{w|Enclosure}} solved this problem too. With subsistence economies destroyed and commons fenced off, people had no choice but to sell their labour for wages - not to earn a bit of extra income, as under the previous regime, nor to satisfy the demands of a lord, as under serfdom, but ''simply in order to survive''. They became, in a word, proletarians.
**[[Jason Hickel]], ''Less is More: How Degrowth Will Save the World'' (2021), p. 47

* Confronting this crisis ultimately means [[w:Anti-capitalism|confronting capitalism]], and that means directly resisting these layoffs, since layoffs are always the first weapon used against working people in moments of {{w|economic crisis}}. {{w|Big business}}es and [[corporations]] that have benefited from years of [[economic growth]] (not to mention the massive {{w|surplus value}} of [[w:Labor theory of value|workers’ labor]]) owe [[w:Employment#United States|employees]] and their [[w:Family structure in the United States|families]] a huge debt and it’s time to pay up. In order to make this happen, working people must organize for and demand: 1. An immediate ban on all layoffs. 2. Full wages for all employees, whether they are working during the crisis or not. And 3. A redistribution of [[w:Working time|working hours]] among currently unemployed workers (including [[w:Migrant worker#United States|undocumented]] and {{w|precarious worker}}s) so that no one is denied the essential [[w:Right to work|right to employment]].
** [[James Dennis Hoff]] on the [[2020 stock market crash]], ''[https://www.leftvoice.org/freeze-layoffs-make-the-capitalists-pay Freeze Layoffs: Make the Capitalists Pay]'' (March 23, 2020), ''Left Voice''

* When times are good, capital can extract huge profits from labor with little risk. For instance, after the last economic crisis, the {{w|S&amp;P 500}} (thanks in large part to [[w:Great Recession in the United States#Bailout of U.S. financial system|government bailouts]]) not only managed to recover all of its losses by 2013, it then proceeded to almost double its value in the seven years that followed — an average rate of growth equal to about 14 percent per year. By contrast, average hourly wages for working people, [[w:Wage growth#The United States|which rose]] less than three percent per year for most of that same period, recovered much more slowly, and many workers actually saw their [[w:Real wages|wages]] fall or remain flat when adjusted for [[inflation]]. When times are bad, however, in moments of crisis, when [[w:Profit (economics)|profits]] are low, or when there is little or no [[Demand|demand]] — such as we are seeing in many industries today — corporations and companies can protect themselves and their {{w|market value}} by simply letting workers go. Workers, on the other hand usually must continue to pay for food, rent, [[healthcare]], and basic utilities in order to survive. As a consequence, while capital can often weather the storm of such economic crises, they can severely weaken the power of the working class by creating what [[Karl Marx|Marx]] called a vast {{w|reserve army of labor}}. And since [[w:Unemployment benefits|unemployment insurance]] compensations are rarely available to all and always only for a short period of time, workers — whether laid off or only threatened with the prospect of layoffs—will eventually be pressured to work much harder for less wages. And this is precisely why the future of worker’s power depends on how we respond to this crisis now.
** [[James Dennis Hoff]] on the [[2020 stock market crash]], ''[https://www.leftvoice.org/freeze-layoffs-make-the-capitalists-pay Freeze Layoffs: Make the Capitalists Pay]'' (March 23, 2020), ''Left Voice''

==I==
* The working class and the employing class have nothing in common. There can be no peace so long as hunger and want are found among millions of the working people and the few, who make up the employing class, have all the good things of life.  Between these two classes a struggle must go on until the workers of the world organize as a class, take possession of the means of production, abolish the [[wage]] system, and live in harmony with the Earth.
** Preamble to the Constitution of the {{w|Industrial Workers of the World}}

==L==
* Two things make the [[future]] [[real]], the [[artist]]'s [[imagination]] and the worker's [[hope]]. [[Fascism]] [[destroys]] both. Therefore the artist and the worker must [[unite]] [[Anti-fascism|to destroy Fascism]].
** [[John Langdon-Davies]], {{cite book |title=Authors Take Sides on the Spanish War |date=1937 |publisher=Left Review |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=qD0gAQAAMAAJ&amp;q=Two+things+make+the+future+real,+the+artist%27s+imagination+and+the+worker%27s+hope.+Fascism+destroys+both.+Therefore+the+artist+and+the+worker+must+unite&amp;dq=Two+things+make+the+future+real,+the+artist%27s+imagination+and+the+worker%27s+hope.+Fascism+destroys+both.+Therefore+the+artist+and+the+worker+must+unite&amp;hl=es-419&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0ahUKEwjK5Y_3h43qAhVOI7kGHf1GBVQQ6AEIJzAA}}. Quoted in {{cite book |last1=Buchanan |first1=Tom   |title=Britain and the Spanish Civil War |date=1997 |publisher=Cambridge University Press |isbn=978-0-521-45569-5 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=eDlPTZNYXIUC&amp;pg=PA32 |page=32}}

* '''Notwithstanding all the differences in the aims and tasks of the [[Russian revolution]], compared with the [[w:French_revolution_of_1871|French revolution of 1871]], the Russian proletariat had to resort to the same method of struggle as that first used by the {{w|Paris Commune}} — civil war.''' Mindful of the lessons of the Commune, it knew that the proletariat should not ignore peaceful methods of struggle — they serve its ordinary, day-to-day interests, they are necessary in periods of preparation for revolution — but it must never forget that in certain conditions the [[class struggle]] assumes the form of armed conflict and civil war; there are times when the interests of the proletariat call for ruthless extermination of its enemies in open armed clashes.
** [[Vladimir Lenin]], [http://www.marx.org/archive/lenin/works/1908/mar/23.htm “Lessons of the Commune”, in ''Zagranichnaya Gazeta'', No. 2 (23 March 1908)], as translated by Bernard Isaacs, ''Collected Works'', Vol. 13, p. 478

* When we are reproached with having established a dictat[[One-party state|orship of one party]] and, as you have heard, a united socialist front is proposed, we say, &quot;Yes, it is a [[dictatorship]] of one party! This is what we stand for and we shall not shift from that position because it is the party that has won, in the course of decades, the position of vanguard of the entire factory and industrial proletariat. This party had won that position even before the {{w|revolution of 1905}}. It is the party that was at the head of the workers in 1905 and which since then — even at the time of the reaction after 1905 when the working-class movement was rehabilitated with such difficulty under the [[Pyotr Stolypin|Stolypin]] {{w|Duma}} — merged with the working class and it alone could lead that class to a profound, fundamental change in the old society.
** [[Vladimir Lenin]], [http://www.marxists.org/archive/lenin/works/1919/aug/05.htm “Speech to the First All-Russia Congress of Workers in Education and Socialist Culture” (30 July 1919)] ''Collected Works'', Vol. 29, p. 535.

* Keep you doped with religion, and sex, and T.V. And you think you're so clever and classless and free. But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see.

** [[John Lennon]] Working Class Hero

==M==
* The [[academy]] now boasts specialists by thousands in Asian studies, GLT studies, Latino/a studies, Native American studies, and multicultural studies, but barely a handful in proletarian studies. It still hasn't found a way to become serious about [[Social class|class]].
** Julian Markels, ''From Buchenwald to Havana'', p. 104

* The property-owning class and the class of the proletariat represent the same human self-alienation. But the former feels at home in this self-alienation and feels itself confirmed by it; it recognises alienation as its own instrument and in it it possesses the semblance of a human existence. The latter feels itself destroyed by this alienation and sees in it its own impotence and the reality of an inhuman existence.
** [[Karl Marx]], ''The Holy Family'', Chapter 4.

* '''Most people have no alternative but to sell their ability to work for a wage and inevitably be paid less than the value they produce. This is the capital order, the backbone of our society that we do not criticize or even discuss.''' It is only through the lens of class that we can escape this trap and understand the functioning of our [[economic system]] and the policies implemented to govern it.
** {{w|Clara Mattei|Clara E. Mattei}}, ''Escape from Capitalism: An Intervention''. (2026). {{ISBN|978-1668085141}} p. 13

* If people no longer accept their condition as low-paid wage laborers without secure employment, our economic system collapses.
** {{w|Clara Mattei|Clara E. Mattei}}, ''Escape from Capitalism: An Intervention''. (2026). {{ISBN|978-1668085141}} p. 13

==S==
*If there is going to be class warfare in this country, it’s time that the working class of this country won that war and not just the [[Elite|corporate elite]]. (Senator Sanders wspeaking to the Iowa [[w:AFL-CIO|AFL-CIO]] convention summer 2019)
**[[Bernie Sanders]] quoted by [[Norman Solomon]] in [https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/02/18/the-escalating-class-war-against-bernie-sanders/ The Escalating Class War Against Bernie Sanders]  (18 Feb 2020)

* '''Marxism is the capitalism of the working class.'''
** [[Oswald Spengler]], ''Prussianism and Socialism'' (1919)

==R==
* It is only the organization and resoluteness of the working class which protects it from the natural tendency of the capitalist to exploit to the utmost.
** [[Walter Rodney]], {{cite book |title={{w|How Europe Underdeveloped Africa}} |date=1972 |publisher=Howard University Press |isbn=978-0-9501546-4-0 |page=163}}

* The expenses of the royal household, wars, and lavish public building were financed by tolls and the profits of the king's foreign trade [[monopoly]], by [[w:forced_labor|conscription of labour]] and heavy [[taxation]]. The results were impoverishment of the masses, [[w:Marx's theory of alienation|alienation]] of land, and the development of a proletariat.   
** [[Eric Roll, Baron Roll of Ipsden]], ''A History of Economic Thought'' (1939), Chapter I, The Beginnings, p. 25

==T==
* The bourgeoisie today is a falling class... by its imperialist methods of appropriation [it] is destroying the economic structure of the world and human culture generally. Nevertheless, the historical persistence of the bourgeoisie is colossal. It holds to power, and does not wish to abandon it. Thereby it threatens to drag after it into the abyss the whole of society. We are forced to tear it off, to chop it away. The [[w:Red_Terror|Red Terror]] is a weapon utilized against a class, doomed to destruction, which does not wish to perish. If the White Terror can only retard the historical rise of the proletariat, the Red Terror hastens the destruction of the bourgeoisie.
** [[Leon Trotsky]], ''Terrorism and Communism : A Reply to Karl Kautsky'' (1920; 1975), p. 83

==W==

* For most workers the transition to [[socialism]] held out considerably fewer rewards. Though everyone appreciated job security and a steady [[income]]—especially those who had experienced the 1930s—living conditions were still poor and the shortages of [[w:Consumer_goods|consumer goods]] and sometimes even food clashed with socialist ideals of plenty. Even worse was the lack of working-class autonomy. All over [[East/Central Europe|eastern Europe]] workers had tasted influence and power of their own in the immediate [[Aftermath of World War II|postwar years]]. In some areas factory councils had taken over the running of plants or negotiated deals with the owners. By the late 1940s [[Communism|Communist]] [[trade unions]] came in and took over workers’ organizations, and officials appointed by the authorities were the new bosses. They set [[production]] quotas after instructions from above, and workers had little influence on their daily existence. Workers protested everywhere, with some condemning the Communists as [[Nazism|Nazis]] in disguise. Gradually, in the post-[[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] era the authorities tried to buy off workers’ protests through accepting lower levels of [[productivity]] and increasing subsidies on [[food]] and [[Renters|rent]].
** Odd Arne Westad, ''The Cold War: A World History'' (2017) 
* A {{w|worker-coop}} [[w:Co-operative economics|based economy]]—where workers democratically run enterprises, deciding what, how and where to produce, and what to do with any profits—could, and likely would, put social needs and goals (like proper preparation for pandemics) ahead of profits. Workers are the majority in all capitalist societies; their interests are those of the majority. Employers are always a small minority; theirs are the &quot;special interests&quot; of that minority. Capitalism gives that minority the position, profits and power to determine how the society as a whole lives or dies. That's why all employees now wonder and worry about how long our jobs, incomes, homes and bank accounts will last—if we still have them. A minority (employers) decides all those questions and excludes the majority (employees) from making those decisions, even though that majority must live with their results. 
** [[Richard D. Wolff]] during the [[2019–20 coronavirus pandemic]], ''[https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/04/06/covid-19-and-the-failures-of-capitalism/ COVID-19 and the Failures of Capitalism]'' (April 6, 2020), ''{{w|CounterPunch}}''.

== See also ==
* [[Capitalism]]
* [[Class conflict]]
* [[Communism]]
* [[Dictatorship of the proletariat]]
* [[Fascism]]
* ''[[Fascism—Fight it Now]]'' (1937)
* [[Proletarian revolution]]
* [[Wage slavery]]
* [[Women in the workforce]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Wiktionary|proletariat}}

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'''[[w:The Blacklist (TV series)|The Blacklist]]''' (2013-2023) is an American crime drama television series, airing on [[w:NBC|NBC]], in which Raymond &quot;Red&quot; Reddington ([[James Spader]]), a former government agent turned high-profile criminal, who had eluded capture for decades, voluntarily surrenders to the FBI, offering to cooperate on capturing a list of criminals who are virtually impossible to catch. He insists on working with a rookie profiler by the name of Elizabeth Keen ([[w:Megan Boone|Megan Boone]]).

== Season 1 ==

=== ''Pilot'' [1.01] ===

:'''Elizabeth Keen''': Why involve me? I'm nobody. It's my first day. Nothing special about me.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Oh. I think you're very special.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I'm going to make you famous, Lizzie. We are going to be famous 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': And I'm supposed to believe you?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Of course not! I'm a criminal. Criminals are notorious liars. Everything about me is a lie. But, if anyone will give me a second chance it's you. The two of us have overcome so much.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': ''[screaming at Red]'' We're not a team! You're not my partner! my partner is TOM not you

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ranko Zamani''': Raymond, today on this day I am giving their plague back to them. In sixty years they will be talking about this day, about my legacy.

=== ''No. 145: The Freelancer'' [1.02] ===

:'''Elizabeth Keen''': ''[just before going undercover]'' Before we do this, let me be clear. I'm not here to socialize, I have no interest in having dinner with you, nor do we have the time. We meet your contact, we get the name of The Freelancer's next victim and we go. Are we understood?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I agree with you completely, but it is a restaurant and it is dinner time...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': You look like the CIA.
:'''Meera Malik''': Oh yeah? What's the CIA look like?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Attractive but treacherous.
:'''Meera Malik''': I guess we'll find out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': The FBI works for me now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[to Elizabeth about Tom]'' We never really know anyone, do we? It seems you have two options. Either you turn him in or you confront him... or perhaps there's a third option.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[to Elizabeth]'' What if I were to tell you that all the things you've come to believe about yourself are a lie?

=== ''No. 84: Wujing'' [1.03] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[dismissing an operative while playing himself in chess]'' I prefer to play with myself in private.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': ''[about Wujing]'' He's a myth.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': That's what they said about [[w:Deep Throat (Watergate)|Deep Throat]]... and the [[w:G-spot|G-spot]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': I'm sorry, you're decoding CIA messages on behalf of the Chinese...
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[nods at Elizabeth reassuringly]'' Now you see? You make it sound like treason, so black and white. It's not, it's green.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I've been moving comfortably through the world for the past twenty years without a trace, and now some two-bit spy killer is going to put my life and business in jeopardy?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': What's the question?
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': Why me?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Because of your father.

=== ''No. 161: The Stewmaker'' [1.04] ===

:'''Elizabeth Keen''': A man's life is at stake!
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': A man's life is always at stake. And tragically low stakes at that. I should remind you that I did not offer you my services to help you round up your run of the mill drug lord or what have you. You all seem to be doing a perfectly mediocre job of that on your own. I'm after the big game Lizzie. The ones that matter.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': See Lizzie, now I'm interested. The Stewmaker's in town. You're going to need a plumber.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Donald Ressler''': Lorca is not going anywhere, and I'll never trust you. You know why?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Because after tracking me for years, you've come up with one undeniable truth: I only do what's good for me. And that is a person you can trust, Donald. Now, lets go. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Your witness is dead, you lost Lorca, and he took Agent Keen. I'd say my meeting with Lorca might be the equivalent of you falling on your ass and landing on a pile of Christmas.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Stewmaker''': Are you a mother?
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': No.
:'''The Stewmaker''': That's good... I was asked to make you suffer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': Why are you doing this?! You don't take life. You clean up death.
:'''The Stewmaker''': Everything changes. Everything evolves. This is my evolution.
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': You know what I think? I think this idea of you vanishing people to aid nature is a lie. I think you're trying to dissolve something else. Your past, maybe? Whatever the horrible thing was that twisted you up inside and made you into the freak that you are!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[to the Stewmaker while Elizabeth listens]'' A farmer comes home one day to find that everything that gives meaning to his life is gone. Crops are burned, animals slaughtered, bodies and broken pieces of his life strewn about. Everything that he loved taken from him - his children. One can only imagine the pit of despair, the hours of Job-like lamentations, the burden of existence. He makes a promise to himself in those dark hours. A life's work erupts from his knotted mind. Years go by. His suffering becomes complicated. One day he stops - the farmer who is no longer a farmer - sees the wreckage he's left in his wake. It is now he who burns, he who slaughters, and he knows in his heart he must pay.

=== ''No. 85: The Courier'' [1.05] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Have you ever wondered how criminals who know they can't trust one another are still able to conduct business with each other?
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': They replace trust with fear and the threat of violence.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': The next target on the Blacklist is the physical embodiment of both. He's known as the Courier, and his involvement in a transaction virtually guarantees its success. Once he's hired to make a delivery, he can't be bribed, he can't be stopped. If either party attempts to double cross the other, he kills them both. The perfect middleman for an imperfect world.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': If you really want her to talk, I should meet with her.
:'''Donald Ressler''': Every time you &quot;meet&quot;, someone ends up dead.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': We've gotten off to a rocky start.
:'''Harold Cooper''': You killed three people.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I'm not perfect.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': You're not telling us everything.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Let me put your mind at ease. I'm ''never'' telling you everything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meera Malik''': ''[interrogating the Courier with Ressler]'' Good cop/bad cop isn't working. Let's try bad cop/worse cop.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Courier's Brother''': Lady, you don't understand Tommy.
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': I know his condition prevents him from feel-
:'''The Courier's Brother''': No, I mean you don't ''understand'' him. Our old man knocked us around when he needed to, which didn't bother Tommy. But dad hated that. Felt like he couldn't control his own son, and he couldn't. So when he was 11, dad started hosting these dogfights. Not with two dogs, but with a dog and Tommy. Well, we had this barn. People would come from miles around. They'd get drunk and make bets. What it did to him over time...Tommy's broken. Somewhere in his head, a switch flipped. I wish I could help you, but you know how it goes. You're here because somebody screwed up. The deal went sideways. And now the buyer and seller have targets on their head, if they're not dead already.

=== ''No. 152: Gina Zanetakos'' [1.06] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': You've obviously heard of corporate espionage - companies trying to beat other companies to be the first hand on the dollar. But what if it were taken... a few steps further? [[w:Chicago Tylenol murders|In 1982, seven people in Chicago were killed by an over-the-counter drug laced with potassium cyanide.]] The company's market share went from 35 to 8. It was never determined how the drug was poisoned, but I will tell you someone was hired to do that. Remember those [[w:Firestone and Ford tire controversy|tire recalls]]? [[w:Chernobyl disaster|Chernobyl]]? Deliberate and malevolent actions taken by corporations to protect their vital interests. Nothing happens by chance. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Liz''': ''[regarding Gina Zanetakos]'' Why? Does she know Tom?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': She's Tom's lover.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[about the White House]'' People think it matters who occupies that house. It doesn't. Multinational corporations and criminals run the world.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Harold Cooper''': Are you threatening me, Red?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I am.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tom Keen''': ''[to Elizabeth]'' Are you telling me, like what? You think I murdered a KGB defector. Like I'm Bond. Tom Bond and just between Social Studies and recess I go around assassinating people.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[to Elizabeth]'' I can only lead you to the truth; I can't make you believe it.

=== ''No. 47: Frederick Barnes'' [1.07] ===

:'''Elizabeth Keen''': I know what you think you have in that needle.
:'''Frederick Barnes''': Yes, my son's future.
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': Your cure is experimental. It could just as easily kill him.
:'''Frederick Barnes''': If I do nothing, he dies anyway.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I take it from the coroner's van that Barnes is no longer with us. Pity.
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': Tell that to the families of the people he murdered.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Every cause has more than one effect. Say what you will about Frederick but someone who's willing to burn the world down to protect the one person they care about, that's a man I understand.
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': Is that meant to be directed at me?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Aren't ''you'' presumptuous?

=== ''No. 109: General Ludd'' [1.08] ===

=== ''No. 16: Anslo Garrick'' [1.09] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': The concept of a Last Stand sounds so heroically romantic, doesn't it, Donald?  But there is a good reason why we didn't see what happened to [[w: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid|Butch and Sundance]] - being riddled by bullets and left to rot under the scorching Bolivian sky does not a sequel make. And if you surmise nothing about me by now, know this: I am going be around for the sequel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Anslo Garrick''': Red, Red, did you really think there was a distance you could cover or a hole deep enough that you could hide in? There is nowhere in this world that I cannot reach you, Red. Fortification be damned. I heard you made yourself some sweet little immunity deal, Red. I heard that you fitted the FBI with strings, and now they hang upon your hip like a hatchet. Not bad. Prudent. But they can't keep you safe from someone like me, Red, someone who sat in blackness for five years. Five years thinking about the pain I was going to inflict on you while slowly breaking your will, your body, and finally your mind. That day is here, my friend. And it will end with your screams, as God is my witness.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Anslo Garrick''': I've brought a whole picnic basket to this party. And, little pig, little pig, you are going to let me come in.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Anslo Garrick''': Red. Do you remember that Road Runner cartoon where the Coyote makes the mountain of TNT and gunpowder barrels? 
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': And blows himself sky-high? Yes, Anslo. Is that what you're doing out there? Is this to be mass suicide by explosion, I hope? 
:'''Anslo Garrick''': No. We'll be fine out here, Red. But with these charges rigged to blow inward, I can't say the same about you. It's no matter. I intend to thoroughly torture the hell out of whatever's left of you. [''Garrick beats his head on the glass''] Oh, come on! Play with me! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Donald Ressler''': We are not going to live through this... 
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I think we will. 
:'''Donald Ressler''': How? 
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Have you ever sailed across an ocean, Donald... 
:'''Donald Ressler''': No. 
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ...on a sailboat, surrounded by sea with no land in sight, without even the possibility of sighting land for days to come? To stand at the helm of your destiny. I want that, one more time. I want to be in the Piazza del Campo in Siena. To feel the surge as 10 racehorses go thundering by. I want another meal in Paris, at L'Ambroisie, at the Place des Vosges. I want another bottle of wine. And then another. I want the warmth of a woman and a cool set of sheets. One more night of jazz at the Vanguard. I want to stand on the summits and smoke Cubans and feel the sun on my face for as long as I can. Walk on the Wall again. Climb the Tower. Ride the River. Stare at the Frescos. I want to sit in the garden and read one more good book. Most of all I want to sleep. I want to sleep like I slept when I was a boy. Give me that, just one time. That's why I won't allow that punk out there to get the best of me, let alone the last of me.

=== ''Anslo Garrick: Conclusion'' [1.10] ===

:'''Diane Fowler''': As of this moment, the only target on the Blacklist is Raymond Reddington. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alan Fitch''': We could've killed you. I don't mean today. I mean any day. I mean every day for the past two decades. But we don't. We know what you have, Ray. And we know what'll happen to it if you turn up dead. So we do nothing. We let you live. And in exchange, we we trust that our secret remains secret.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Nothing has changed.
:'''Alan Fitch''': Oh, no. I'd say everything's changed. Everything changed the minute you surrendered to the FBI. Did you think we wouldn't know? Maybe you wanted to change our arrangement. Maybe you thought you could turn yourself in and, uh, find some new friends to protect you. Maybe you plan to expose us.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': No.
:'''Alan Fitch''': What have you told, Ray? 
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Nothing.
:'''Alan Fitch''': Then what the hell are you doing here? 
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': My reasons have n-nothing to do with you.
:'''Alan Fitch''': Well, I hope so. I really do. Because I've always liked you, Ray. You're a pain in my neck, but I like you. Just know this: you were walking in the park this morning. We could've taken you then. Instead, we dragged you from the safety and security of the bed you're now sharing with new friends. Why would we do a thing like that? To make it abundantly clear there's nowhere you can go, there's no one you can trust to keep you from us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Anslo Garrick''': Just you and me again, Red. Just like the old days.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Oh, give it a rest. We both know Fitch won't let you finish it.
:'''Anslo Garrick''': That's as may be. But you know what I can do, though, Red? I can find Lizzie. I can hurt her. I can make her suffer. And when I'm finished, I can kill her. Sometimes you just have to take what you can in this crazy world. Guess who taught me that, Red. You did. What? No smart quips? No? You're not actually feeling something, are you, Red?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Regret.

=== ''No. 106: The Good Samaritan'' [1.11] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': The suspense is killing me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Good Samaritan''': See, George, I suffered my share of pain as a child courtesy of the one person in this world who was supposed to protect me. I found it inconceivable that a person could hurt someone who they claim to love -- and not just hurt, but torture repeatedly. But then, one day, I realized she wasn't experiencing pain. It was the opposite. She was actually experiencing pleasure. See, George I believe that the only way that an abuser can truly understand the experience of the victim is to have that experience themselves. And that's what you're doing here today, George. And that's what mother is here today for, too -- so she never forgets what I experienced all those years. And now you will never forget what your wife experienced all those years.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': Step away from him! 
:'''The Good Samaritan''': Why should I? Do you have any idea what this man has done? This man is a monster! 
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': That may be, but killing him isn't gonna solve anything.
:'''The Good Samaritan''': Tell that to his wife. We don't have the luxury of your simple morality. Talk to me when you've been a victim.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': If you had come to me, I could have helped you. We could have avoided all of this. But now we can't.
:'''Newton Phillips/Grey''': They threatened my family.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Of course they did. Newton, I'll take care of your family, whatever they need.
:'''Newton Phillips/Grey''': My wife...she has no idea. If you could make it look like an accident, for her.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Look out at the water. Just look out at the water.
It's as clear as the ocean .

=== ''No. 101: The Alchemist'' [1.12] ===

=== ''No. 64: The Cyprus Agency'' [1.13] ===

=== ''No. 73: Madeline Pratt'' [1.14] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': There you are. What the hell happened to you? You just leave me stranded with that awful Algerian! He's been hitting on me for 20 minutes. 
:'''Embassy Guard''': Sir, this is a secure area. 
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': [to guard] Well, not secure enough if you ask me, sister. You know what? Why don't ask Rasil? We wouldn't even be here if it weren't for that troublemaker. Always an agenda with him. Cultural attache. Culture, my ass. [Points at Lizzy] The things I do for this one. [to Lizzy] Raymond 'Red' Reddington: Gallivanting around the globe for you little assignations with you know, hmm-hmm. [to guard] Carrying her furs and bikinis as if I wouldn't rather be back in Dutchess County my shelties. [to Lizzy] Hey, don't take anything for granted. Everything you have was bought and paid for by your boyfriend. [to guard] Raymond 'Red' Reddington: Do you have any idea who's horn this tramp is blowing? Let's just say it starts with Bashiar, and ends with Assad, gassing you faster than a Sunni. So let's get her out of the hot seat and into a limo. Good God, crumbs up!
:'''Embassy Guard''': What? 
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Your cummerbund. Pleats up. You look like Bob Yashimura in eighth grade swing choir. It's upside down. 
:''[Red punches out the security guard]''
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Oh god, that hurts! 
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': What the hell was that? 
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I don't know, it just felt so right in the moment. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': It was Christmas Eve. I pulled off to the side of the road, seemed like it'd been snowing for days. No traffic. No cars to come help. Just me and a car full of gifts. It was more than 20 year ago. I must have walked four miles. Five, maybe. It was so still. Just cold and white. The whole time all I could think about was them in our house. The warm light in the windows. The smoke from the chimney. The sound of my daughter at the piano. The smell of the tree, and the fire, oyster stew on the stove. I was so upset to think that I'd ruined Christmas for them, being late, leaving the gifts in the car. But the closer I got, the more I realized how funny the whole thing was. How much they'd love the story. Daddy running out of gas. How every Christmas they'd get such joy from telling that story at my expense. And then finally, I got there, I walked... I walked through the door. And there was just blood. All I saw was blood. All there was was blood. I can... I can still smell the nape of her neck. Feel her little... fingers on my cheek. Her whisper in my ear. That's why I didn't show up in Florence. It's why I haven't shown up in a lot of places over the years. 

=== ''No. 57: The Judge'' [1.15] ===

:'''Lucy Brooks/Jolene Parker''': Elizabeth Keen is not your wife; she’s your target.

=== ''No. 83: Mako Tanida'' [1.16] ===

:'''Mako Tanida''': In feudal Japan, one warrior's transgression against another was measured by the code of bushido. For your sins against me, I require ritual seppuku. You will disembowel yourself to my satisfaction. I will give you 60 seconds to put that sword into your stomach and begin cutting. Do that, and it is you alone. Or I will run you through myself...and take your whole family.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Cowboy''': Well, you want me to bring her in, there's gonna be a fee, and it's gonna cost you double.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Oh? Why is that? 
:'''The Cowboy''': 'Cause I don't like you. And that hat makes your head look funny.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': The pot meets the kettle at last.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': There is nothing that can take the pain away. But eventually, you will find a way to; live with it. There will be nightmares. And everyday when you wake up, it will be the first thing you think about. Until one day, it will be the second thing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Cowboy''': [''to Lucy about Tom''] As soon as you hang up that phone, he's gonna kill you, then he's gonna kill me.

=== ''No. 88: Ivan'' [1.17] ===

=== ''No. 135: Milton Bobbit'' [1.18] ===

:'''Dembe''': This paint. What color is it? 
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': It's called Chicago Skyline. 
:'''Dembe''': Nice. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milton Bobbit''': Every morning, when I wake up, I read the obituaries. Every aspect of death fascinates me. I don't want to die; I've done everything in my power not to-- Western medicine, alternative therapies, pills herbs. But I have come to accept that I will die.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milton Bobbit''': Before you made me sick, I had no purpose in life-- helped no one, left no mark. Thanks to you, I was transformed. I no longer see death as a burden, but an opportunity to take the rejects that nobody cares about and give them tremendous power. And as a result, hundreds of widows, orphans, broken families-- they're being taken care of. Their houses are being paid for, their education. I put food on their table.

=== ''No. 119-122: The Pavlovich Brothers'' [1.19] ===

:'''Tom Keen''': I remember standing in the closet, half-dressed, reaching for my shoes when I saw that you had drawn this little heart In the dust on my shoe. You remember that? It was the sweetest thing. And ever since that moment, I just felt Sorry for you Because I knew I knew that I had you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': If you're looking for sympathy, you might want to start with honesty. Here's an example of honesty, Tom. You've been making me pancakes for two years. I hate pancakes.
:'''Tom Keen''': You want honest? Here's one. If you're gonna handcuff somebody, don't break their thumb.

=== ''No. 42: The Kingmaker'' [1.20] ===

:'''The Kingmaker''': The average hotel-room bed can be riddled with anywhere between dust mites, bedbugs fecal matter, urine, semen, methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus. That bacteria alone kills more than 15,000 Americans per year. I will not be joining them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Kingmaker''': The life you've requested is a bold one, Patrick, full of bold choices, like this one. It would be a shame to learn, after all this time, that you never really had it in you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': What I possess would lay waste to you and your Alliance.
:'''Alan Fitch''': Yes, and should that information ever become public, there would be no reason for us not to kill you on the spot.

=== ''No. 8: Berlin'' [1.21] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I was once on the island of Ko Ri, free diving in the Andaman Sea. I fell terribly ill, stung by a lionfish. I was dehydrated and in excruciating pain. I had lost all sense of time and place, completely disoriented. But I knew I was dying. So I readied myself for it. And in that moment at death' door, I looked up... And standing over me in the brightness was this landless Moken Sea Gypsy. Just standing there. Smiling. She and her tribe nursed me back to health. Good as new. When I left the island, she kissed me, it was like a burst of sunlight on my cheek. It was... It made nearly dying welling worth it. That's how I feel now. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I met Dr. Sanders here through a mutual friend to discuss a very delicate and underfunded research project. As I recall, the science was awesome, but financially precarious. We did, however, spend a glorious weekend in God's Country with two snow bunnies who were dead ringers for the Swiss Miss Girl. 
:'''Dr. Bruce Sanders''': [''Both laugh''] And we watched Space Ranger. 
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Yes. Space Ranger! What a memory. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tom Keen''': You don't choose Berlin. He chooses you. And he is coming. 

=== ''Berlin: Conclusion'' [1.22] ===

:'''Milos 'Berlin' Kirchoff''': They say he started in the Red Army and then the KGB, and he was notorious for sending off his enemies to the war camps in Siberia. Then, towards the end of the Cold War, some stories began to circulate that his daughter had fallen in love with a dissident. She was captured, imprisoned. But, you see, the Colonel-- he knew his way around. He arranged so she could escape. When the Kremlin found out, they decided to make an example of him, so they sent him off to Siberia to rot away with his enemies. It is said that they could hear him every night praying for his daughter's safety, that she would never be found. And one day, something arrived in his cell. It was a pocket watch he had given his daughter, and inside was a picture of her. And a few months later, something else arrived-- her ear. And then a finger. His enemies sent her back to him piece by piece. No one knows how he did it, but he did-- some say that he carved a knife from one of his daughter's bones-- and slaughtered all the men that had held him captive for so many years. Then he vanished, disappeared. A ghost hunting, searching for the man responsible for his daughter's death. The man you're looking for is not on those photos. The man you're looking for was never on the manifest.

== Season 2 ==

=== ''No. 104: Lord Baltimore'' [2.01] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Life is far too important to talk about seriously.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': People love to decry big brother the NSA, the government listening in on their most private lives, yet they all willingly go online and hand over the most intimate details of those lives - to [[big data]].
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': Most people don't care that Google knows their search history.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': They know more than that. They know your habits, the banks you use, the pills you pop, the men or women you sleep with. Every piece of information is worth something to somebody. And in the hands of the wrong person, that could be deadly.
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': You have a lead.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Lord Baltimore is in town.
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': Lord Baltimore?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': He's a tracker by trade, but his methods are thoroughly modern. He's made an art of combing through cyberspace, finding the status updates, financial records, and location blips that virtually everyone leaves behind in the modern age.
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': And he has a new target?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Yes. Me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Samar Navabi''': Who is it exactly that you think I am? 
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': [''realizing''] You're Mossad. Please don't tell me this is about that little dust-up in Haifa.
:'''Samar Navabi''': That &quot;dust-up&quot; claimed the lives of two agents and a Turkish diplomat.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': [''laughs''] A diplomat? - I had nothing to do with it.
:'''Samar Navabi''': Then you have nothing to worry about.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Oh, you have no idea how I wish that were true. I have tens of thousands of things to worry about. Fortunately, you, my dear, are not one of them.
:'''Samar Navabi''': And why is that? 
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Because the person you just informed of my capture is going to release me within the hour.
:'''Samar Navabi''': Aren't we confident today? 
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I'm confident every day.
:'''Samar Navabi''': And I thought we had nothing in common.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milos 'Berlin' Kirchoff''': Ah, Mr. Reddington, I presume.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Where is she?
:'''Milos 'Berlin' Kirchoff''': Oh, here and there, out and about. You know women. I can only imagine how dearly you must be missing her after all these years, huh? So I made you a little something to remember her by. You see I'm gonna do to your wife what you did to my daughter. I'm gonna send her back to you piece by piece by piece.

=== ''No. 112: Monarch Douglas Bank'' [2.02] ===

:'''Harold Cooper''': What you're telling me is we have totally lost control of the situation. Reddington and the witness are gone. Berlin: gone. Red's wife: gone. Can any of you tell me one thing that we've got going for us at this point?!
:'''Aram Mojtabai''': Coffee machine still works.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Revenge isn't a passion. It's a disease that eats at your mind and poisons your soul. I attended summer camp with this little stick of a girl Twila Stansberry. Hell of an athlete, capture the flag. Had an unrelenting passion for fitness. Never skinny enough. A pound here, a pound there. Ran like a deer. Until she couldn't could barely walk. Turns out she was anorexic. The disease caused her to lose her sight. I've never known anyone more obsessed with their body than Twila. Spent her entire life chasing something that destroyed her. Make sure your passion isn't your sickness.
:'''Milos 'Berlin' Kirchoff''': Your wife is coming apart nicely.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milos 'Berlin' Kirchoff''': I almost gave up looking for you. You were like a ghost for 12 years. Heard rumors. And I followed them from Barcelona to Melbourne to Stockholm, but always nothing. Until one day I made a connection: Elizabeth Keen. That's why we're sitting here today...because of ''Keen''. I know you care for her as much as you care for your wife. I think underneath it all, under that hat of yours, you're not much different from, uh, Twila Stansberry. You have the power to destroy me, but you're offering me a way out because you're blinded by passion. Guess we both are.

=== ''No. 89: Dr. James Covington'' [2.03] ===
=== ''No. 82: Dr. Linus Creel'' [2.04] ===
=== ''No. 74: The Front'' [2.05] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': You know what? I don't have time! And yet you've had me waiting out there for over 45 minutes! Do you know the vending machine is broken? It's as if you enjoy making people miserable!
:'''Glen Carter''': I work at the DMV!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': You two out here playing grab-ass in the woods just smacks of something biblical.
:'''Maddox Beck''': Who the hell are you?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I'm the snake in the grass.

=== ''No. 114: The Mombasa Cartel'' [2.06] ===
=== ''No. 22: The Scimitar'' [2.07] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': George Orwell wrote, &quot;Those who abjure violence can do so only because others are committing violence on their behalf.&quot; What a visionary, but, Good Lord, his books are a downer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Scimitar''': If you think your beloved brother was just another faceless young man in that crowd you know nothing.
:'''Samar Navabi''': I will kill you.
:'''The Scimitar''': Like Kian Nouri? The scientist you murdered last week in Dubai?
:'''Samar Navabi''': What do you know about my brother? 
:'''The Scimitar''': There's no country insisting you do your duty. If you kill me, it'll be cold-blooded murder. So, call the Mossad or the C.I.A. or whoever's coming and be done with it.

=== ''No. 12: The Decemberist'' [2.08] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': You violated our agreement.
:'''Alan Fitch''': No. I honored it. I got the others to hold off, but Milos Kirchhoff, Berlin, whatever the hell name he's using He chewed through the leash. I couldn't stop him.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Well, now your dog is tracking a new scent. Yours.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alan Fitch''': Do you have a wife, kids? That's what makes it the hardest. A wife and kids. I've been in the intelligence field a long time now. On my orders, 763 men and women have died in service to their country. And there wasn't a grieving wife or mother or husband I didn't either call or visit personally. Thank them for their sacrifice. That's what makes it the hardest. The families. You can't disarm it, can you?
:'''Mike''': Sir, I asked you to be as still as possible.
:'''Alan Fitch''': That's more than enough. I'm not gonna make it 764. What's your name?
:'''Mike''': Mike. My name's Mike.
:'''Alan Fitch''': Go home, Mike. You've done everything you can.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milos 'Berlin' Kirchoff''': I remember the parades from when I was a young boy, standing by my father, seeing those trucks that went by with the rockets and cannons. Beautiful. And all those men marching as one, saluting at me as one. Our soldiers, our nation. Yuri Gargarin was the first man in space. We were so proud.

=== ''No. 21 Luther Braxton'' [2.09] ===

:'''Luther Braxton''': I want to speak to somebody with real authority.
:'''Harold Cooper''': This is Harold Cooper, Assistant Director for the FBI.
:'''Luther Braxton''': Hello, Harold Cooper. I'm pretty sure you see how this works. I get what I need, or somebody dies. From here on forward I am the warden.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luther Braxton''': Boy, things got nasty in Belgrade, didn't they? It's funny-- up until then, I was aimless, just an ordinary thief, but after Belgrade, I became known as the man who bested the great Ray Reddington.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': You didn't best me, Luther. You butchered and clawed your way into my pockets, and innocent people died in the process.
:'''Luther Braxton''': You're such a snob, Red. Always considered yourself above the fray with your handmade suits and your fancy wine, your private jets. Do you even drive? You got everybody convinced you're so hard, Red, but I know better. You're soft.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': You're not getting the Fulcrum.
:'''Luther Braxton''': And how you gonna stop me, Red? Bore me to death with Beethoven? Put me to sleep quoting Nietzsche? Come on. We both know that in order to stop me, you got to have balls. You got to run the gauntlet. And after Belgrade, well that's just not gonna happen. So, tell me-- how are you gonna stop me, Red?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.
:'''Luther Braxton''': Was that Nietzsche?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': No. Bruce Lee.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Have you ever heard of Bruno Ashmanskis? The most skilled cat burglar I've ever had the pleasure of working with. Bruno mostly did jobs on commission, but he always wanted to do something for himself, something special, so he got it into his head that he was gonna break into the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge to steal an imperial vase from the Qing Dynasty worth millions-- the single biggest trophy of his career.
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': What happened?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I never heard from him again. I'd always assumed he'd succeeded, that he was sipping some umbrella-clad cocktail on a beach in Tahiti, until five years later during a remodel of the Fitzwilliam, they removed a wall. There was poor Bruno-- what was left of him, anyway-- stuck inside a heating duct, still clutching that vase. I prefer to think of old Bruno on that beach in Tahiti.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': In Mexico, there are these fish that have colonized the freshwater caves along Sierra del Abra. They were lost. They found themselves living in complete darkness. But they didn't die. Instead, they thrived. They adapted. They lost their pigmentation, their sight, eventually even their eyes. With survival, they became hideous. I've rarely thought about what I once was. But I wonder if a ray of light were to make it into the cave, would I be able to see it? Or feel it? Would I gravitate to its warmth? And if I did, would I become less hideous?

=== ''No. 21: Luther Braxton Conclusion'' [2.10] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[to Braxton]'' Luther, I never thought I'd enjoy having anything in my mouth as much as Petty Officer Virginia Sherman, but this? My God! It tastes so good! I hesitate to swallow, and I certainly don't want to spit it out. Oh, what the hell. I told you so.

=== ''No. 67: Ruslan Denisov'' [2.11] ===
=== ''No. 71: The Kenyon Family'' [2.12] ===
=== ''No. 93: The Deer Hunter'' [2.13] ===
=== ''No. 94: T. Earl King VI'' [2.14] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Good heavens, Earl. You've never had any feeling in your heart, but now it looks like there isn't much going on below the waist.
:'''T. Earl King VI''': I do all right. The wheelchair is just a little memento of our time together in Bolivia.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': No hard feelings, I trust.
:'''T. Earl King VI''': Just a few. But this is only business, Red. Besides, you warned me. Pigs eat Hogs get slaughtered.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': All you had to do was listen. But that's always been your problem-- all that money clogging your ears. I told you to come with me that night out on the Altiplano.
:'''T. Earl King VI''': I had millions invested. I couldn't just walk away like you.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Poor choice of words given what those soldiers did to you. I'd hate to see you play the hog yet again, Earl.
:'''T. Earl King VI''': No, no, Red. You taught me an invaluable lesson. Dispassion is the businessman's best friend. One mustn't get emotionally involved in business. You have to listen to the market. You hear that? That's the market telling me you are in demand. What kind of a commodity are you? A wealth of secrets and information? Or are you an impulse purchase for a buyer to settle a score? You scare people, Red. How much would you pay to be rid of your deepest fear?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I've always found fear to be my most valuable sense. But then again, you Kings demonstrate a propensity for having more dollars than sense.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Auctioneer''': And now, ladies and gentlemen, one of the most exciting items of the night, a mainstay on the FBI's most wanted list, this gentleman has been on the list longer than any other criminal! A former naval intelligence officer, he possesses a wealth of classified information and presides over one of the world's most prosperous extralegal empires. You may know him as the concierge of crime. I present Raymond Reddington!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Harold Cooper''': ''[to a detainee]'' I don't think you quite understand the situation. You're assuming that you're a material witness in federal custody and are entitled to certain rights. And while these things are true, what you don't know is you don't know me. My doctors recently detected a mass within the left hemisphere of my brain-- an inoperable tumor. Within a matter of weeks, it will kill me. And this has clarified a number of priorities for me. Among those priorities, nothing is more important to me than the safety of my colleagues. I'm committed that no one under my command dies during the remainder of my watch. And I will do anything within my power to honor that commitment. And since I quite literally have nothing to lose I suggest you think long and hard before answering my question. Where is Elizabeth Keen?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': What's in this for you?
:'''Francis King''': You wouldn't understand. You're not a King.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Funny. Your father used to say that exact phrase as if it somehow excused him from the use of logic.
:'''Francis King''': What's in it for me? Hmm. Legacy and the King family fortune.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': If this is just about the money, that would be so banal. I bet your father would trade it all for one more walk in the park with a good friend.
:'''Francis King''': Tell me. Where are all your good friends now, huh? If you think there's a soul in this world loyal to anything but your pocketbook, then you're the one who's excused himself from the use of logic.

=== ''No. 75: The Major'' [2.15] ===

:'''The Major''': You ever stop to think that the reason you have trouble relating to other people is because you're special? That it's not you, it's everyone else that's the problem?
:'''Tom Keen/Jacob Phelps''': That's not what social services says.
:'''The Major''': Good old social services. Bureaucrats trained in missing the point. We believe that your delinquent inclinations are exactly what makes you invaluable. It takes a certain kind of courage.
:'''Tom Keen/Jacob Phelps''': What are you talking about? A job, a school? What is all this stuff?
:'''The Major''': I told you, we have an opportunity, if you're willing to take it. If you're smart enough to take it. It's your choice, Jacob. You can get out and go back to the life you've always known, or you can take a ride with me, and I can tell you how to leave this life behind. I can help you become anything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Reven Wright''': You've made a mistake, Richard.
:'''Richard Denner''': I agree, Reven. I should've been a dermatologist.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': ''[to Judge Denner]'' I'm sorry. You're right. You're absolutely right. I should have known that when my husband and I were planning family that he was, in fact, a traitor who had installed surveillance cameras in my bedroom! Of course I should have been aware that the number four on the FBI's most wanted list would turn himself in and demand to speak only to me! God, what a horrible profiler I must be to have missed the fact that I am central to the discovery of a blackmail file that will tilt the balance of power in, let me phrase this right, ''the entire world!'' Wow! I suck!

=== ''No. 7: Tom Keen'' [2.16] ===

:'''Richard Denner''': Smiling Tommy Connolly. You always were a smug bastard.
:'''Thomas Connolly''': And you were always a paranoid, self-righteous prick! ''[beat]'' Your Honor. Here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna quash this subpoena.
:'''Richard Denner''': And if I don't?
:'''Thomas Connolly''': You will. In everyone's career, there's a crossroads, Richard-- a moment where what they'll say next will define their lives, decide their future.
:'''Richard Denner''': Is this task force really that important to you?
:'''Thomas Connolly''': I don't know what that is. And neither do you. You crossed the line. I'm willing to move past it. And who knows? Maybe one day, when I'm AG, we'll get you on a real court.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Thomas Connolly''': Maybe you're a little dinged up. But you're still at the top of your game. You perjured yourself for one of your team. I admit I didn't expect that. But I sure as hell do respect it.
:'''Harold Cooper''': Guess my principles aren't what they used to be. Neither are yours.
:'''Thomas Connolly''': That's where you're wrong, buddy. I never had any principles. That's why I'm on a rocket to the top.

=== ''No. 97: The Longevity Initiative'' [2.17] ===
=== ''No. 117: Vanessa Cruz'' [2.18] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[to Jasper]'' You need to run, Jasper. Run like the prairie wind, because I'm coming for you. And when I find you, I'm going to cut out that forked tongue of yours and deliver it to the Director myself.

=== ''No. 62: Leonard Caul'' [2.19] ===
=== ''No. 87: Quon Zhang'' [2.20] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': We need to find Kenneth Jasper. He's one of the Director's closest allies. He'll know what they're planning. I threatened to kill him when he betrayed Roger Hobbs. More specifically, I threatened to cut out his tongue and deliver it to the Director personally. He won't be easy to find.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[to Jasper]'' Don't look so glum, Kenneth. You just spent 10 minutes being ridden hard by Agent Navabi. I'd die for five.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[to the Director]'' I had a little chat with Jasper today. Turns out he wasn't very good at holding his tongue, so I thought I'd give you a shot at it.

=== ''No. 55: Karakurt'' [2.21] ===
=== ''No. 11: Tom Connolly'' [2.22] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I'm a sin eater. I absorb the misdeeds of others, darkening my soul to keep theirs pure. That is what I'm capable of.
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': What sin of mine could you possibly have absorbed?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Thomas Connolly''': Our river of influence runs deep, or have you forgotten how easily we made Judge Denner suppress first-degree murder charges against you, Agent Keen? Look around. Why do you think I'm here? There's a banquet tonight, fraternal order of police. I'm the keynote speaker. Four hours from now, I'm going to be on that stage, announcing that my office has secured an indictment against the members of a rogue task force.
:'''Harold Cooper''': This task force was authorized by the FBI and the DOJ!
:'''Thomas Connolly''': By my predecessor at the DOJ. You're going to prison, Agent Keen. Donald Ressler-- his little oxy addiction will get him drummed out of the Bureau. Samar Navabi will be extradited to Iran, where she will stand trial for the murder of one of their top nuclear scientists. Charlene, Harold, even Agent Mojtabai. We have a little something in mind for all of you, including treason charges and the death penalty for Reddington. So are we finished here? Because I think it's cocktail hour.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': I shot him. That's why you blocked my memory-- not to protect yourself. To protect me.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Yeah.
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': You're my sin eater.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Tried to be. But I failed. I never wanted you to be...
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': What?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[beat]'' Like me.

== Season 3 ==
=== ''The Troll Farmer'' [3.01] ===

:'''Matthias Solomon''':  I pine for the days when conquered generals had the sense and good taste to fall on their swords. Now they hold press conferences, negotiate advances for their memoirs while the rest of us clean up their messes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[to Keen]'' You're in a storm, Lizzy. You need to find the peace below the winds.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': The Troll Farmer uses social media to conduct highly coordinated disinformation campaigns on behalf of governments, lobbyists, corporations, crime syndicates, and on occasion, a humble fugitive. He's mastered the art of information warfare by creating events, virtual hoaxes designed to piggyback on real public anxiety. He activates hundreds of fake accounts to post thousands of tweets, creating the appearance of, say, a terrorist attack in Paris that served as cover for an art heist. He doctors screenshots from news outlets to report an ebola outbreak in Atlanta in order to drive up the stock of a drug company developing a cure. The Troll Farmer is much more than a rumor monger. The events he creates appear to be real and provoke a very real response. Smoke manufactured to draw the cameras away from the real fire.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': When I was a little girl, I used to imagine that my mother was a prima ballerina who danced for kings and queens in London and Paris. And she only left me with Sam until she could come home again and sweep me away.

=== ''Marvin Gerard'' [3.02] ===

:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': ''[to a domestic abuser]'' You haven't the slightest clue how to speak to a woman, have you? Now, my friend there and I are having a very important discussion. So you just sit tight, enjoy your muffin, and if I hear you say anything other than &quot;please&quot; or &quot;thank you&quot; to Carly, I'm gonna drag you into the men's room and wash your mouth out with soap. And if that doesn't work, I'll cut your filthy tongue out with that butter knife. Is that clear enough for you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Matthias Solomon''': ''[to a hospitalized Russian agent]'' Did I disturb you? They said you were sedated. Well, you know what they say? Can't keep a good man down. Unfortunately, it's only a matter of time before the FBI pays you a visit, and we can't have that 'cause you are what is commonly referred to as a loose end. Now, you should take heart, because if the Russians are furious now, imagine how irate they'll be when they learn that there's been another fatality as a result of Agent Ressler's attack on your convoy. If it's any consolation, your heroic devotion to our cause has earned you my most sincere respect. Godspeed, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marvin Gerard''': Let the record reflect that I am complying under duress and that my Fourth Amendment right to privacy is being violated.
:'''Samar Navabi''': As is my right not to be nauseated.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': From as early as I can remember, I dreamed of someday being captain of a ship. To be out there on the ocean in the middle of the night, navigating by the stars. I always thought it would be the greatest life on earth. The people you're talking about... The ones who think they know you... They really don't know anything about you at all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Odysseus spent a decade at war. But his biggest battle was finding his way home.

=== ''Eli Matchett'' [3.03] ===

:'''Elizabeth Keen''': I don't know what happened. I used to consider myself lucky. I had a husband I loved, a job I always wanted. I was the kind of person good things happen to.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Have you ever heard of Mugs Kalinowski? Lovely guy. Ugliest man I ever laid eyes on. That's why everyone called him Mugs. Except his dear mother. She was an art professor at Bard. Lovingly referred to him as Picasso.
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': That's kind of sweet, actually.
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': Well, it was an apt nickname. His face was all over the place. But perhaps as a result of that nickname, Mugs grew up with a great appreciation for art. He fenced some of the most extravagant pieces in the world. He only had one rule. Out of respect for dear mom, he'd never lift a Picasso. Felt it was bad luck. Then one day, he got a tip from a source about a piece sitting in a huge loft in Soho. So one evening, Mugs shimmied up the drain pipe, broke in, and lo and behold, there hung on the wall, Les Femmes D'Alger. A spectacular Picasso. One of a series of 15 and astronomically valuable.
:'''Elizabeth Keen''': Did he take it?
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': No. And Mugs was convinced that was the single biggest stroke of bad luck he'd ever suffered. Well, what he didn't know was the source who'd given him the tip was working with the feds. The painting had a tracking device on it. Sometimes, bad luck is the best luck you'll ever have.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raymond 'Red' Reddington''': I have survived for a very long time now, and I assure you, I didn't do it by relying on the goodness in people.

=== ''The Djinn'' [3.04] ===
=== ''Arioch Cain'' [3.05] ===
=== ''Sir Crispin Crandall'' [3.06] ===
''[SPOILER]''&lt;br /&gt;

:'''Red:''' But first, please indulge my curiosity. An ice castle in the air, the best and the brightest frozen solid. I'm intrigued.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Crandall:''' You know what these are? They're horseshoe crabs. Decades ago, it was discovered that their plasma contained limulus amebocyte lysate, which can be used to detect bacterial endotoxins.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Crandall:''' I found a way to synthesize it. &lt;br /&gt;
:'''Red:''' That's how you made your fortune.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Crandall:''' But more important, they were the inspiration for my vision. They have survived four mass extinctions. We are now on the cusp of the final mass extinction, caused by a species of clever but greedy primates known as homo sapien.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Red:''' Everyone dies, Mr. Crandall.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Crandall:''' Death is a process. No one is really dead until the information contained in the brain is lost. Cryonic preservation prevents that loss.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Red:''' Are you a gambling man, Crispin?&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Crandall:''' No. I abhor casinos.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Red:''' Oh, yes. Well, I would agree with you there. But perhaps you're familiar with the old saw &quot;You can't beat the house&quot;? No matter how many poor souls you turn into popsicles, the fix is in.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Red:''' The world in which you awaken will be one incapable of sustaining human life. And why? Because at the critical tipping point, one tragically quixotic megalomaniac cannibalized humanity of the very minds that might have been its salvation.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Red:''' You see, if you were a betting man, you would understand that now trumps later every time.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Red:''' The future is a sucker's bet, a maybe, a contingency, a &quot;What if?&quot;&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Red:''' The only thing that is real is the present, and you've plundered it, robbed it of the very geniuses that might have averted the dystopia you so fear.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Red:''' Indeed, perhaps even the very one who might have devised a means to revive your sad, tired, frozen ass.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Red:''' Congratulations, Crispin. You've doubled down on extinction. &lt;br /&gt;
:'''Crandall:''' Life on Earth is going to end. Soon. Cryonics is our only hope.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Red:''' It won't work.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Crandall:''' I'm betting it will.&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Red:''' Ah. So you are a gambling man. Let's place that bet, shall we? ''[Shoots him in the chest]''&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Man:''' What was that? I thought I heard—&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Woman:''' What happened? Is he dead?&lt;br /&gt;
:'''Red:''' Dead? Pishposh. What's death? It's just a process, right?&lt;br /&gt;

=== ''Zal Bin Hasaan'' [3.07] ===

== Season 4 ==
=== ''The Lindquist Concern'' [4.05] ===
:'''Donald Ressler:''' ''[to Harold Cooper in front of National Security Advisor Laurel Hitchin]'' You know who she is and you're going to give her that?
:'''Laurel Hitchin:''' Yes, Agent Ressler, he does. But apparently, you've forgotten: &quot;she&quot; is your boss's boss's boss's boss.

=== &quot;Natalie Luca&quot; [4.12] ===
:'''Raymond Reddington:''' Losing someone we love is painful, agonising even on the death. The Japanese call it takotsubo, a grieving surge of abnormal electrical waves that causes the hearth to deflate and contort until it resembles a fishing port,hollow and cold, an empty vesell at the bottom of an unfathomable sea.

== Season 5 ==
=== ''Sutton Ross'' [5.22] ===
:'''Raymond Reddington:''' There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking at the video.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elizabeth Keen:''' ''[to Tom's ghost]'' I know now that those bones in that bag are Raymond Reddington's. The real Raymond Reddington. My father. I know that this man is an imposter. Why he came into my life. Why he took your life. Why he spent the last 30 years pretending to be Raymond Reddington I'm going to figure all that out and then I'm going to destroy him.
:'''Tom Keen:''' Be careful, Liz. This man, whoever he is, he's dangerous.
:'''Elizabeth Keen:''' I know he is, but I'm not alone. I have help.
:'''Jennifer Reddington:''' You ready?
:'''Elizabeth Keen:''' Oh, yeah. I'm ready.
== Season 6 ==
=== ''The Corsican (No.20)'' [6.02] ===
:'''Miss Holt:''' Let me be clear. You will never be free again. You'll be tried, convicted, held in a federal prison until we execute you. 
:'''Raymond Reddington:''' As pleasant as that sounds, I'm afraid I've made other arrangements. 
:'''Miss Holt:''' This is gonna be fun. 
:'''Raymond Reddington:''' Winning always is.

== Cast ==
* [[James Spader]] - Raymond 'Red' Reddington
* [[w:Megan Boone|Megan Boone]] - Elizabeth Keen
* [[w:Diego Klattenhoff|Diego Klattenhoff]] - Donald Ressler
* [[w:Ryan Eggold|Ryan Eggold]] - Tom Keen
* [[w:Parminder Nagra|Parminder Nagra]] - Meera Malik
* [[w:Amir Arison|Amir Arison]] - Aram Mojtabai
* [[w:Mozhan Marnò|Mozhan Marnò]] - Samar Navabi
* [[w:Harry Lennix|Harry Lennix]] - Harold Cooper
* [[w:Hisham Tawfiq|Hisham Tawfiq]] - Dembe

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia|The Blacklist (TV series)}}
* {{Official website|http://www.nbc.com/the-blacklist/}}
* {{IMDb title|id=2741602|title=The Blacklist}}
* [http://www.tv.com/shows/the-blacklist/ ''The Blacklist''] at [[w: TV.com| TV.com]]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Blacklist (TV series), The}}
[[Category:2010s American crime drama TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American crime drama TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:NBC shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:TV shows set in New York City]]
[[Category:TV shows set in Washington, D.C.]]</text>
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{{SpongeBob header}}
'''''[[w:SpongeBob_SquarePants|SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' (1999-present) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games.

==Episode 1==
===''[[w:Your Shoe's Untied|Your Shoe's Untied]]'' [2.1a]===
:''[SpongeBob's feet are stomped into the floor of the Krusty Krab]''
:'''Patrick''': SpongeBob, you're shorter. Have you been dieting?
:'''SpongeBob''': Heh, well, a sponge has to look his spongiest. ''[walks to the kitchen putting a line of holes in the floor with his feet]'' Well, I've gotta get to work. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[after making a Krabby patty]'' Look! a perfect patty.
:'''Squidward''': Alright SpongeBob, Hand it over. ''[beat]'' well?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[imagines how Squidward is really far away and how his shoelaces are snakes that will squeeze and keep him from moving. He snaps out of hallucination]'' Hey Squidward! I've got a idea! How about you come get it?
:'''Squidward''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, gee, SpongeBob, that's a great idea. And maybe I should cook the patties, and do the '''dishes''', and wear square pants, and live in a pineapple, ''while'' '''''YOU''''' ''wait in the unemployment line!''
:'''SpongeBob''': No!
:'''Squidward''': Then bring that patty here now!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[very upset about what he did]'' I've failed. My career is over. I'm sorry, spatula. I'm sorry, hat. I'm sorry, floor. ''[hugs a giant box of Krabby Patties]'' I'm sorry, Krabby Patties.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mr. Krabs''': What's the meaning of this, Mr. Squidward?
:'''Squidward''': It's SpongeBob's fault.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[gets upset, his eyes turn into steamboat whistles]'' '''SPONGEBOB, GET OUT HERE!''' ''[SpongeBob peeks out the door]'' More. ''[SpongeBob peeks out a little further]'' More! ''[SpongeBob stretches himself partially trough the door]'' All the way, boy! ''[SpongeBob snaps out of the door and falls too the ground]'' What be the matter, SpongeBob? I ought to make you walk the plank for this!
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs, it's just that I, I...
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Yes?
:'''SpongeBob''': I... I... I... I... I... I...
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Yes, yes, yes?
:'''SpongeBob''': I... I... I... I... I...
:'''Kr. Krabs''': ''[shakes SpongeBob]'' Out with it, Boy! What is it?
:'''SpongeBob''': I forgot how to tie my shoes.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[laughs]'' That's all?
:'''SpongeBob''': So, you'll show me how?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I don't wear shoes.
:''[The camera zooms in to Mr. Krabs' feet, revealing he indeed doesn't wear shoes]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[SpongeBob is shown crawling into his pineapple]''
:'''Gary''': Meow.
:'''SpongeBob''': Not now, Gary.
:'''Gary''': Meow.
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm not in the mood, Gary.
:'''Gary''': Meow. ''[the scene changes to SpongeBob's bedroom. Off-Screen]'' Meow.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[crawls into bed]'' Just leave me and me untied shoes alone, Gary.
:'''Gary''': '''''ROAR!!!''''' ''[knocks SpongeBob off the bed and onto the floor]'' 
:'''SpongeBob''': Okay, Gary, you have my attention.
:'''Gary''': Meow. ''[ties SpongeBob's shoes]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[gasps]'' Gary! Well, I'll be! You can tie shoes! ''[Gary shows himself wearing shoes that look like old-style bowling shoes, under his shell]'' Hoppin' clams! How did you learn to do that?
:''[Gary's shell opens revealing a record. The song, Loop Dee Loop by Ween starts and SpongeBob starts dancing]''
:'''Ween''': ♪''Wanna learn how to tie your shoe? [the scene changes to show SpongeBob in a classroom wearing a teacher's outfit and on the chalkboard there are sketches of shoes] It's a very easy thing to do. [Gary appears on a stool. SpongeBob puts on his glasses and taps the board with his pointer] Just sit on down [Patrick appears in the desk next to SpongeBob] and I'll give you the scoop, [Patrick holds out an ice cream cone and SpongeBob gives him a tied shoe that looks like SpongeBob's shoe. Patrick looks surprised] What's that? [the scene changes to show the words &quot;Loop Dee Loop&quot; in shoelaces and SpongeBob pulls on two of the aglets] It's called the loop-dee-loop. [the scene changes to show SpongeBob's leg with an untied shoe] You gotta take a lace in each hand, [two SpongeBobs hold an aglet in one of each's hands goes up and past the screen. The scene changes again to show the SpongeBobs crossing each other's paths] You go over and under again. [the SpongeBobs come back around under the cross path that they made. The go upward and past the screen. They come back and pass each other's path one more time] You make a loop-dee-loop and [the scene changes to show a small SpongeBob tying the lace of a big SpongeBob's shoe] pull. And your shoes are [the Big SpongeBob is shown wearing a top hat and giant shoes. He takes his hat off and kicks the newly tied shoe. It flies off] lookin' cool. [the scene changes to show a SpongeBob multiplying into multiple SpongeBobs and follows the lyrics] You go over and back, left to right, Loop-dee-loop [the scene changes to show SpongeBob holding his laces while jumping] and you pull 'em tight, [the scene changes to show SpongeBob with a bunny toy] Like bunny ears [a present appears] or a Christmas bow, [the bunny toy becomes a bunny slipper and SpongeBob is seen wearing it and the present as shoes] Lace 'em up and you're ready to go. [SpongeBob runs out of the scene. The scene changes to show SpongeBob jumping off of a tight rope wire swing thing. He stops and spins around and then falls] You make a loop-dee-loop and pull, [the scene changes to show SpongeBob and Gary falling into a giant shoe that looks like SpongeBob's shoe] And your shoes are lookin' cool. [SpongeBob pulls on the laces and wings appear on both sides of the shoe and the shoe plane takes off. The scene changes to show the plane passing giant tied shoe laces. The shoe plane hits a roller coaster track and the wings fall off and it becomes a roller coaster car] You make a loop-dee-loop and pull, [the shoe falls off of the track and lands on the ground] And your shoes are lookin' cool.''♪
:''[SpongeBob and Gary pop out of the shoe and the episode ends]''

===''Squid's Day Off'' [2.1b]===
:'''French Narrator''': Ah, beautiful springtime, a time for fun and frolic for most, ''[the scene cuts to the Krusty Krab, zooming in and then right at the front door. Squidward is there]'' but not for this poor slob.
:'''Squidward''': Oh, what a beautiful day, and here I am trapped in a prison of high cholesterol. ''[the bell dings]'' No one ever comes in on Sunday. ''[the bell dings again]'' Why can't Mr. Krabs just let us go home? ''[the bell dings again. Squidward gets angry and growling into SpongeBob. The scene changes to SpongeBob ringing a bell, set on the order window. Squidward runs up to SpongeBob]'' SpongeBob, stop ringing this bell. ''[picks it up and slams it on the bottom of the order window]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I was just testing it.
:'''Squidward''': ''[leans through the order window getting in SpongeBob's face]'' I will ring the bell when there's an order. But...'''There's no customers!''' There hasn't been one all day, and there isn't gonna be any! ''[struggles to pick up the cash register, but successfully does so and he slams it down making a bell noise]''
:'''SpongeBob''': One Krabby Patty coming up!
:'''Squidward''': No...!
:''[The register drawer shoots open, knocking Squidward out of the way. A bunch of coins fall onto the floor. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs' office where Mr. Krabs is writing something on a sheet of paper and he stops to hear the money dropping.]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': That sounds like me money dropping. ''[the scene changes to show the outside of the office and Squidward is picking up the coins; opens his office door]'' What's going on out here?! My babies! ''[runs up to Squidward and shoves him away]'' Get away, you barbarian! What have you done? Nice clean money... soiled! ''[scoops up the coins in his claws]'' I'll take care of ya. Let papa clean ya up. Clear the way! ''[runs into the kitchen and starts washing them off in the sink]'' No, no, no, don't cry, little ones.
:'''SpongeBob''': What's wrong, Mr. Krabs?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[gets startled and throws the dimes in the air. One dime rolls into the sink and starts to roll towards the sink drain]'' Me dime! ''[the dime rolls around the sink drain. Just as it seems like it's about to fall down the drain, it flips over facing away from the drain; gives a sigh of relief. Then the dime jumps, winks, and goes down the drain]'' No! ''[grabs the dime in the drain]'' I got it, boy! ''[tries to take his claw out]'' What the? It's stuck! You gotta help me, SpongeBob!
:'''SpongeBob''': You've gotta let go of the dime.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I can think of ten good reasons to never let go of a dime, boy. There's got to be another way! Grab me captain's quarters and heave! ''[SpongeBob pulls on him from behind a couple times until he gets thrown back without his arms]'' Me arms!
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh no, not again!
:''[Mr. Krabs hits the wall, the impact causing the shelf above him to slant and drop a pot, a glass, a pan, a mug, a treasure chest, an anchor, a buoy, and a scuba suit on his head. A giant bump rises up on Mr. Krabs' head and then a dime falls on it, causing Mr. Krabs to fall over and black out]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I can't believe this is really happening. ''[sits on the cash register box, then starts to tear up]'' Today, I start living!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Squidward''': ''[runs, panics after having a dream that the Krusty Krab is on fire, stops running for a split second]'' Oh, what am I doing? I am wasting valuable relaxing time, that's what I'm doing! I mean, really. What are the odds? SpongeBob set the Krusty Krab on fire!

==Episode 2==
===''[[w:Something Smells|Something Smells]]'' [2.2a]===
:'''Patrick''': Okay, now... say it. ''[SpongeBob hesitates]'' Say it.
:'''SpongeBob''': I can't.
:'''Patrick''': SpongeBob, you're never going to feel better 'til you get this thing off your chest.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[has a purple alien-like leech sucking on his chest]'' I know, Patrick. ''[pulls it off and throws it aside]''
:'''Patrick''': Say it. ''[SpongeBob still hesitates]'' Say it...
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm ugly.
:'''Patrick''': You're ugly and what?
:'''SpongeBob''': Square?
:'''Patrick''': No, proud.
:'''Squidward''': Is that what he calls it?
:''[As we cut back to the pineapple rooftop]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[breathing heavily]'' That felt great! I feel empowered!
:'''Patrick''': So whaddya wanna do now?
:'''SpongeBob''': I don't know. How about a movie?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': Excuse me, sir. I hope my horrible ugliness won't be a distraction to you.
:'''Fred''': Not at all boy. ''[He sniffs SpongeBob's bad breath and makes a hilarious disgusted face expression.]'' '''''Deuueaugh!!!!''' [runs away]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': They all ran away, Patrick.
:'''Patrick''': I bet there's no line at the snack bar. ''[cuts to the snack bar]'' Hello? Hello? They must be on break.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, is everything okay in here? ''[hears Patrick sobbing and opens a stall door, then sees him sitting on the toilet with a bag over his head]'' What are you doing in there, Patrick?
:'''Patrick''': ''[resentfully]'' Wouldn't ''you'' like to know?
:'''SpongeBob''': And why is that bag on your head?
:'''Patrick''': ''[sarcastically]'' Why? Oh, no reason. ''[angrily]'' Except you gave me the ugly! ''[whips the bag off. SpongeBob recoils and gasps as he walks out]'' What am I gonna do?! I can't go out looking like this!
:'''SpongeBob''': Just remember what we talked about; there's power in pride.
:'''Patrick''': That may be fine for you, but I was one of the beautiful people. Now look at me! ''[his breath reaches SpongeBob, who smells it and makes a disgusted face]'' I'm almost as ugly as you! 

:'''Patrick''': I always thought if I was as ugly as that guy, I don't know what I'd do.
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick...?
:'''Patrick''': What's my mom gonna say?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[holding his nose]'' Patrick?
:'''Patrick''': Oh, my gosh, if my sister finds out... 
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick?
:'''Patrick''': ...wait, I don't have a sister. If the bank... 
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick?
:'''Patrick''': I mean it's one thing if you have bad shoes or even bad hair, but-
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[having had enough, he enlarges to stop Patrick's babbling]'' '''''PATRICK!''''' ''[shrinks back to normal]'' You're not ugly, your breath stinks. Really bad. 
:'''Patrick''': ''[sighs with relief, his stench in the shape of skull and crossbones]'' Ah, what a relief...
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[his eyes water from the foul smell]'' Ugh, '''''barnacles''''', Patrick! What did you eat?!
:'''Patrick''': Oh, some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[holding his nose]'' No, I mean just this morning.
:'''Patrick''': Some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...
:'''SpongeBob''': What else?
:'''Patrick''': Well, I had some of your sundae.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[realizing]'' Sundae... ''[whips out what's left of it]'' Patrick! My sundae gave us rancid breath!
:'''Patrick''': Whatcha mean?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[coughs]'' I mean, we're not ugly! We just ''stink!''

===''Bossy Boots'' [2.2b]===
:'''Pearl''': SpongeBob, what do you like better? The Kutie Krab or the Kooky Krab?
:'''Squidward''': For what, dare I ask?
:'''Pearl''': The new name for our new look. I mean, &quot;The Krusty Krab&quot; has got to go. Who wants to eat at a place they think is crusty? Bleh.
:'''Squidward''': Well, sure it's a terrible name, but this is a terrible place. Therefore, the name should be left alone. Right, SpongeBob?
:'''SpongeBob''': I got it! How about The Khaotic Krab?
:'''Pearl''': How about The Kissy Krab? ''[smooches]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[dressed as a king]'' The King Krab.
:'''Pearl''': ''[holds up a lollipop]'' The Kandy Krab.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[dressed like a beat poet]'' The Kool Krab. ''[dressed as a cowboy]'' Or the Kowboy Krab. ''[stretched out]'' The Kurly Krab. ''[dressed as a mad scientist]'' The ''Kreepy'' Krab. ''[dressed as a crazy killer jungle man]'' '''''THE KILLER KRAB!!'''''
:'''Pearl''': ''[gasps]'' No!
:'''SpongeBob''': You're right, too scary.
:''[Pause]''
:'''SpongeBob and Pearl''': The Kuddly Krab! ''[they both hug and laugh]''
:''[A rainbow of colors fills the screen. Pearl, SpongeBob and an anguished Squidward stand outside the new restaurant. The sign for the restaurant is now a heart and a cutesy robot Krabs is waving his arms atop it. The restaurant outside itself is tie-dyed with colors and rainbows and the flags are now hearts. Balloons are hanging from the roof and giant lollipops come from the chimney. Pearl and SpongeBob, giggling, walk back in the restaurant. Squidward is so mad in fact that the two K's on his uniform catch on fire and he shakes the pole. The female fish and Fred drive by in a car]''
:'''Female Fish''': It's a shame old man Krabs sold the Krusty Krab.
:'''Fred''': That's a darn shame. Hey, lady! Do you know where we can get something to eat around here?
:'''Squidward''': THAT'S IT, I'LL QUIT!!! ''[rips off his uniform, revealing nothing under it. A police whistle is blown and the police fish comes over and writes him a ticket for indecent exposure and places it between his legs]'' Oops.

==Episode 3==
===''Big Pink Loser'' [2.3a]===
:''[Patrick showing SpongeBob his award]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[reading award caption]'' &quot;For outstanding achievement in achievement&quot; - 'SpongeBob SquarePants'?
:'''Patrick''': &quot;SpongeBob SquarePants&quot;? That's a funny way to spell my name.
:'''SpongeBob''': Uh, Patrick, I think the award is for me. You must have got it by mistake.
:'''Patrick''': ''[sadly]'' But, it's shiny!
:'''SpongeBob''': Yeah, but, you know what else is shiny?
:'''Patrick''': Ice cream!
:'''SpongeBob''': Exactly!
:'''Patrick''': I can find it! Is it in here?
:'''SpongeBob''': No, don't! That's my---- ''[Patrick opens the door and an enormous pile of trophies tumble out]'' award closet.
:'''Patrick''': ''[tearing up]'' I want an award!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[pops up with prized ribbons on his eyes]'' Aw, Patrick, don't cry.
:''[Patrick cries]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The phone rings and Patrick picks up the receiver]''
:'''Male Caller 1''': ''[on the phone]'' Is this the Krusty Krab? 
:'''Patrick''': No, this is Patrick. ''[hangs up and whistles; the phone rings again and picks it up again]''
:'''Female Caller''': ''[on the phone]'' Is this the Krusty Krab? 
:'''Patrick''': ''[annoyed]'' No, this is Patrick. ''[hangs up again and continues to whistle; the phone rings and he picks it up again]''
:'''Male Caller 2''': ''[on the phone]'' Is this the Krusty Krab? 
:'''Patrick''': '''''NO, THIS IS PATRICK!!!''''' ''[slams phone back onto hook]'' I'm not a Krusty Krab.
:'''SpongeBob''':  Uh, Patrick, that's the name of the restaurant.
:'''Patrick''': Huh? FISHPASTE!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Patrick''': I'm never going to get an award now.
:'''SpongeBob''': Don't give up, Patrick! This time I got something I ''know'' you can do. We're going to open a [[w:jar|jar]]. ''[takes the lid off the jar]'' Easy! Now you try. First, get a jar.
:''[Patrick grabs a pickle]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, that's a [[w:pickle|pickle]].
:'''Patrick''' Yes.
:'''SpongeBob''': You need a jar. ''[Patrick holds up a spatula]'' No. ''[Patrick takes off his shorts]'' No. ''[Patrick picks up SpongeBob]'' No. Try this. ''[gives Patrick a jar]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': ''[are at the grill frying patties. They both whistle to the tune of &quot;Row, Row, Row Your Boat&quot;, then stop, and they both wipe their foreheads]'' Whew!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[drops his spatula; laughs]'' Dropped my spatula. ''[bends down to pick it up]''
:'''Patrick''': Uh, me too. ''[drops his spatula and bends down to pick it up]''
:''[SpongeBob and Patrick bend back up and SpongeBob takes off his hat, then Patrick takes off his, they both put their hats back on, then they both put their hands on the grill; Patrick's hand burns after a few seconds]''
:'''Patrick''': Owwww!
:'''SpongeBob''': Aha! ''[shows the fake hand]'' You're copying me!
:'''Patrick''': Yes.
:'''SpongeBob''': Why are you doing that?
:'''Patrick''': So I can win an award like you.
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, it's annoying, so stop it!
:'''Patrick''': Stop it. ''[both imitate the others facial expressions]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Say, you're good.
:'''Patrick''': Thanks.
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Ha! Darn. ''[both look at each other with suspicion, while rubbing their chins. They later watch each other as they dance to &quot;Mary had a Little Lamb&quot;]'' Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as '''PICKLE FISH LIPS!!!!!''' ''[both cover their mouths]'' Seaweavel. ''[both cover their mouths again]'' Yorgyshmorgies. ''[both cover their mouths yet again]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[in his head]'' At least I'm safe inside my mind.
:'''Patrick''': ''[in his head; as SpongeBob realizes that he wasn't safe in his mind]'' At least I'm safe inside my mind.
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Aaaggghhh!
:''[SpongeBob and Patrick then run out of the Krusty Krab]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Stop copying me!
:'''Patrick''': There's no award for that!
:'''Squidward''': ''[leaning against the Krusty Krab sign pole, reading a newspaper, a Krusty Krab hat falls near him]'' Well, I guess it's safe to go in now. ''[puts his hat back on and walks back in]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[he and Patrick are still running]'' Patrick, how long are you gonna keep this up?
:'''Patrick''': Until I have as many awards as you.
:'''SpongeBob''': We'll see about that!
:'''Patrick''': No, we won't.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[takes out a jump-rope]'' I'm the jump-rope champion of Bikini Bottom.
:'''Patrick''': Me too. ''[takes out a jump-rope]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, yeah? I call this one: The Slice N' Dice. ''[crosses his arms and jump-ropes while Patrick tries to imitate but ties himself up with his rope]'' Ha! Not a scratch on me. ''[his body breaks down into pieces, which later hop away]''
:'''Patrick''': Oh, no, you don't! ''[squeezes the rope on himself breaking his body down into smaller pieces, then he and SpongeBob repeatedly hit their heads with a hammer]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Not much fun being me, now, huh, Patrick?
:'''Patrick''': Are you kidding? I used to do this ''way'' before I started copying you. ''''[SpongeBob stops hammering his head but Patrick does not notice. Patrick hits himself faster and too hard, he stops and gets dizzy...]'' Wheeeee-eeeeeyeeehhh-eeeeh. ''[...as trophies appear and spin around his head, tweeting like birds. He falls on the ground; SpongeBob laughs and runs into Patrick's rock painted as SpongeBob's house; SpongeBob gets angry and steam comes out of his head]'' My turn! ''[runs into the pineapple rock as SpongeBob quickly runs into his real house]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Patrick''': What's so great about being a big pink loser?

===''Bubble Buddy'' [2.3b]===
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': [[w:stick|Stick]] buddy! ''[the stick falls over]'' Nah. [[rock|Rock]] buddy! Nope. [[w:sink|Sink]] buddy! ''[a drip of water comes out of the sink]'' Almost.
:'''Squidward''': Here, one of everything! No cheese, no crust, no pickles to the left, four squirts of ketchup, wheat buns, non-dairy lettuce, and farm-raised tomatoes, ''carnival style!'' And if there is anything else I can do, '''''please hesitate to ask.'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Francis''': He kept us ''waiting'' for a bubble?
:'''Larry''': That's nothing! He called us fat! ''[begins crunching on celery stalks along with others]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[crying as she shows her clean flipper]'' He washed my flipper!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[storming up]'' He owes ''me'' money!
:'''Squidward''': ''[following Mr. Krabs]'' He made me provide excellent service!
:'''Scooter''': ''[appears with a halo and angel clothing on]'' Dudes! He made me experience high tide! ''[floats up towards the surface while laughing]''
:'''Tom''': He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!
:'''Protesters''': He did?
:'''Tom''': No...But are we just gonna wait around until he does?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I say we tip somethin' over!
:''[All yelling, everyone tips the lifeguard stand]''
:'''Lifeguard''': Hey!
:''[The stand crashes to the ground]''
:'''Protester''': Now what?
:'''Protesters''': Get the lifeguard! ''[they go to the lifeguard]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[stops them]'' Wait! Don't waste this senseless violence on him! It's that stupid bubble of SpongeBob's that's causing all the problems! ''[holds up a needle]'' Who's with me?!
:'''Protesters''': Pop the bubble! ''[hold up needles]''

==Episode 4==
===''Dying for Pie'' [2.4a]===
:'''Mr. Krabs''': So, are you ready?
:'''Squidward''': To go home?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': No, to exchange gifts for Employee Brotherhood Day.
:'''Squidward''': Mr. Krabs, you pay me to stand behind this register, and take orders, and give change. But you could never pay me enough to act brotherly towards '''''that guy'''''. ''[points to SpongeBob]''
&lt;hr width =&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': You know, if I were to die right now in some sort of fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend, well, that would just be okay. ''[Squidward tears up until he hears a burping sound by SpongeBob]'' Huh? ''[SpongeBob burps again]''Wow, it feels like something just dropped into my lower intestine. ''[smells the aroma]'' Hey, smells like cherry. Or maybe grape. Blueberry? ''[the sun starts to go down]'' Here it is, the sunset! I always love to count it down. Five... You do the rest, buddy.
:'''Squidward''': Four... three... two... one... ''[nothing happens]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I guess we started too early! Let's start again!
:'''Squidward''': Five... four... three... ''[an explosion is heard from behind the wall]'' ...two... ''[crying]'' ...one! Well, at least l was able to make his last few hours meaningful. ''[sighs]'' I am such a good person. ''[another explosion is seen behind the wall but this time, it knocks the brick wall down with black smoke on top of Squidward, revealing SpongeBob, still alive and well, blowing some bomb-shaped bubbles with black smoke and the bubble explodes]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Hey, Squidward, check this out!
:'''Squidward''': What the?! I-I thought you... ''[babbles angrily]''
&lt;hr width =&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': Squidward, we played babble like an idiot!
:'''Squidward''': '''''WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!''''' 
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, since we finished everything on the list, I thought I'd make up a new one. ''[holds up a book that says &quot;Friends 4 Ever&quot;]'' I already filled up this book of ideas! We should be able to finish by January.
:'''Squidward''': '''''FORGET THE BOOK!''''' ''[slaps the book away]'' I spent the whole day with you, doing all kinds of ridiculous things because '''''you''''' were supposed to '''''EXPLODE!''''' 
:'''SpongeBob''': You want me to explode?
:'''Squidward''':   Yes, that's what I've been '''''waiting for!'''''
:'''SpongeBob''': Um... okay, I'll try. ''[strains himself]'' '''''GARY! YOU ARE GONNA FINISH YOUR DESSERT, AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT!''''' ''[laughs]''  Now it's your turn. 
:'''Squidward''': ''[yells, hops up and down furiously]'' '''''THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU BARNACLEHEAD!'''''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[claps]'' Ooh, good one.
:'''Squidward''':  NO! You're supposed to '''''explode''''' into a million pieces! ''[flaps his arms]''
:'''SpongeBob''':  Why would I do that?
:'''Squidward''': Because the '''''pie''''' you ate '''''was a bomb!'''''
:'''SpongeBob''': What pie?
:'''Squidward''': The one I left sitting on the counter this morning that I bought from pirates for 25 bucks, and I didn't know it was a bomb, and you ate it, th... that pie!
:'''SpongeBob''': Pie...? ''[realizes; takes out the exploding pie from before]'' Oh! You mean ''this'' pie! ''[Squidward is shocked]'' I was saving it in my pocket for us to share. Let's eat! ''[walks forward and trips on a rock]'' Oops! ''[the pie flies into Squidward's face in slow-motion, causing an explosion in Bikini Bottom the size of an atomic bomb]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[the town is now decimated]'' Ouch. ''[fade to black, episode ends]''

===''Imitation Krabs'' [2.4b]===
:'''Plankton''': You can't do this to me, Krabs. ''[Mr. Krabs blows Plankton back to the Chum Bucket]'' I went to college! ''[crashes into his restaurant]'' Ouch.
:'''Robot Krabs''': Okay, now let's hear that formula.
:'''SpongeBob''': Sorry, no can do, Mr. Krabs.
:'''Robot Krabs''': ''[his eyes are now on fire]'' '''''Whaaaaaaaat???'''''
:'''Plankton''': ''[cut to inside of robot]'' But we did everything you said - I followed all the rules! I even ate 105 black licorice jellybeans through a straw! ''[holds up a straw]''
:'''Robot Krabs''': Now why can't you tell me the formula? 
:'''SpongeBob''': It's '''''your''''' rule: never speak the formula. You told me to keep it in ''[holds up a bottle with the secret formula in it]'' ...this bottle. ''[Robot Krabs' eyes open widely with a &quot;ding!&quot; sound effect]''
:'''Plankton''': ''[inside the robot]'' This is it, Plankton. ''[pushes a lever]'' Gently now... ''[continues to push the lever, getting overly excited as he gets closer. The penny that Mr. Krabs was chasing earlier rolls under the door, then Mr. Krabs rushes in, and he gasps, including SpongeBob and the guy on the penny]'' 
:'''Robot Krabs''': Gasp!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': How could you do this, SpongeBob? Givin' me secret formuler to this...imposter?!
:'''Robot Krabs''': Don't listen to him, SpongeBob. Remember: ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuloli.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': SpongeBob, no! Don't listen to him! I'm the '''''real''''' Mr. Krabs!
:'''Robot Krabs''': Don't listen to him. He's obviously a robot. ''[exhaust pipe smokes]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Well, if I '''''was''''' a robot, which I'm '''''not''''', at least I'm well-put together, not some rusted-out, steam-driven pile of junk!
:'''Robot Krabs''': Who are you callin' steam-driven...?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[yelling in frustration]'' '''''Quiet!''''' Until I know who the real Mr. Krabs is, nobody moves, ''[holds a hose attached to a tartar sauce machine]'' nobody gets hurt. 
:'''Mr. Krabs and Robot Krabs''': Tartar sauce?!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Take it easy with that thing, son. Ahh!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[squirts some tartar sauce, causing Mr. Krabs to jump into robot Krabs' arms]'' I'll do the talkin' around here. I think I'll ask you two a couple of questions; questions only the '''''real''''' Mr. Krabs could answer.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[smiles while Robot Krabs looks worried]'' Okay, then. 
:'''SpongeBob''': First question: what time does the Krusty Krab open?
:'''Robot Krabs''': ''[beats Mr. Krabs to it]'' 9:30 A.M.
:'''SpongeBob''': Right. ''[to Mr. Krabs]'' That's one strike, Mr. Fake. 
:'''Mr. Krabs''': But-
:'''SpongeBob''': Nuh-uh-uh! I'm runnin' this quiz show, I'll ask the questions. If there's gonna be any 'buts', they're gonna be from me. ''[while rubbing the hose nozzle]'' Okay, now, question two: how much does a Krabby Patty cost? 
:'''Mr. Krabs''': $2.99! 
:'''SpongeBob''': On Wednesday... 
:'''Robot Krabs''': 99 cents.
:'''SpongeBob''': Right again! ''[to Mr. Krabs]'' You're starting to look pretty phony right about now. I'd be nervous if I were you. Now, only the really real Mr. Krabs could answer this - if we're discussing the secret formula on the third Wednesday in January and it's not raining outside after we've gargled with vanilla pudding, what do we do? 
:'''Mr. Krabs''': That's an easy one. You just...just.. let's see...if it's...uh...if it's January...with...with vanilla pudding...you...uh...pass? ''[gets shot with tartar sauce]''

==Episode 5==
===''Wormy'' [2.5a]===
:'''Mr. Krabs''': What's the meaning of this, SpongeBob?
:'''SpongeBob''': We're in serious danger! There's a-a-a...a monster out there.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Is it a paying customer?
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh no, Mr. Krabs. It doesn't want to eat Krabby Patties. It wants to eat you!
:'''Patrick''': ''[crying]'' Just like it ate Wormy!
:'''Squidward''': Um, Wormy? ''[SpongeBob and Patrick cry]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Why?! Why?! He was so young!
:'''Patrick''': We’ll never forget you, Wormy!
:'''Squidward''': Well, if Moron Theater's over, I think I'll just take a look at this &quot;monster.&quot;

===''Patty Hype'' [2.5b]===
:'''Mr. Krabs''': [[w:Great Barrier Reef|Great Barrier Reef!]] That patty's spoiled!

&lt;hr width =50%&quot;&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': Hey, Patrick, are you angry too?
:'''Patrick''': Yeah.
:'''SpongeBob''': What's the matter?
:'''Patrick''': I can't see my forehead. What's your problem?
:'''SpongeBob''': I got a good idea, and no one else thinks so!

&lt;hr width =50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready... for me money. ''[the crowd gathers around him]'' Welcome to Pretty Patties. May I take your money?
:'''Female Fish''': We want a refund, Krabs! ''[crowd form a mob while yelling and protesting in agreement]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Who, huh, what?
:'''Gus''': Your dumb Pretty Patties turned my face purple! ''[shows his purple face]''
:'''Scottish Man''': Look what I got under me kilt! ''[raises his kilt to reveal a plaid body, and white underwear]''
:'''Grease Fish, Female Fish &amp; Frank''': And look at our tongues! 
:''[They show Mr. Krabs their respective tongues. They each show a yellow tongue, an orange tongue with green spots, and a tongue that just looks normal]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': What's wrong with you?
:'''Frank''': ''[turns off a light to reveal his tongue is glow-in-the-dark green]'' We want our money back. All 46,853 of us. ''[turns the light back on, but Mr. Krabs is gone]''
:'''Harold''': Hey, where'd he go?
:''[Mr. Krabs screams and runs, and the crowd chasing him makes a rainbow road]''

==Episode 6==
===''Grandma's Kisses'' [2.6a]===
:'''SpongeBob''': You're wrong! There's nothing wrong with getting kisses from your grandma!
:'''Charlie''': No. Especially if you're a ''BIG BABY'' who wears '''''DIAPERS!''''' ''[group laughs]'' And sucks his thumb, and plays with dolls, and, um... wears pajamas with feet in 'em, and carries his, um... blankie around, and uh...
:'''Group''': ''[annoyed]'' '''''ALL RIGHT ALREADY!'''''
:'''Squidward''':  Cheer up, SpongeBob. I know someone who still likes you.
:'''SpongeBob''': Really? You do, Squidward?
:'''Squidward''':  Yeah, your grandma!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Patrick''': You know how grandmas are, they love babies. You just can't act like a baby around her.
:'''SpongeBob''': You're right, Patrick.
:'''Patrick''': Have I ever not been right? ''[The scene cuts to a picture of SpongeBob on a giant red firecracker, a picture of SpongeBob with a giant funnel in his mouth while Patrick holds a giant pumpkin, and a picture of SpongeBob and Patrick in black speedos while a wolf whistle is heard in the background]'' You're a man now, SpongeBob, and it's time you starting acting like one.
:'''SpongeBob''':  Yeah! Oh, but I'm not sure I know how.
:'''Patrick''': Allow me to demonstrate. First, puff out your chest. ''[SpongeBob obediently puffs out his chest]'' And say 'tax exemption'.
:'''SpongeBob''': Tax exemption.
:'''Patrick''': Now you must acquire a taste for free-form jazz.
:''[&quot;Pressure Point&quot; by Duncan Lamont plays, with SpongeBob and Patrick having serious expressions on their faces while listening]''
:'''Patrick''':  Okay, SpongeBob, you're ready!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Grandma''':  I'll bet you'd fancy a nap, huh, Patrick? ''[Patrick yawns]'' You still here, SpongeBob?
:'''SpongeBob''': Uh, I don't need to leave yet. I can be late for work.
:'''Grandma''': ''[puts a blanket over Patrick as he lays on the couch]'' No, no, no, that wouldn't be the adult thing to do.
:'''SpongeBob''': Alright, I guess I'll be going. I've, uh, got a lot of adult-type business to take care of, so, I'll see ya later.
:'''Grandma''': Okay, thanks for stopping by, SpongeBob.
:'''SpongeBob''': Yep, that is it. Here I go.
:'''Grandma''': Come again if you get the chance.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[opens the door]'' Out into the cold, grown-up world alone without a sweater.
:'''Grandma''': Toodleloo.
:'''SpongeBob''': I don't know when I'll be back.
:'''Grandma''':  I know how busy you are.
:'''SpongeBob''': So, that's it. ''[Patrick is sleeping]''
:'''Grandma''': Shh, he's asleep.
:'''SpongeBob''':  So long... ''[SpongeBob slowly closes the door of grandma's house, but then slams it with a sad look on his face. He starts throwing a tantrum]''  I DON'T WANNA GROW UP! I want cookies! ''[holds a big cookie and snaps it in half in front of his face]'' And milky! ''[holds a giant milk bottle, then comes up with a sweater]'' I want a sweater with love in the stitches! I wanna wear diapers! ''[comes up with a diaper on and puts some baby powder into it]'' I wanna ride in my wagon! ''[rides in a wagon, then holds a big teddy bear]'' I wanna cuddle-wuddle with Mr. Stuffykins! I wanna rockey-rock my seahorsey! ''[rocks on his wooden seahorse with a hat and a lollipop]'' And I want a kissy on my boo-boo! ''[shows his bruised finger. He starts crying hysterically. He lies on the floor and cries while slamming his fists against the ground and then rolls like a wheel. Grandma looks at him sadly. SpongeBob then sits on the floor as his eyes pour tears into his mouth. Grandma thinks for a second. SpongeBob then starts crying like a sprinkler, flooding the entire house]'' 
:'''Grandma''': Take it easy, SpongeBob! ''[picks up SpongeBob, who is still crying]'' SpongeBob? SpongeBob! ''[she holds SpongeBob's mouth, stopping him from crying]'' SpongeBob, you don't have to be a baby to get all of Grandma's love.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[sniffs]'' I don't?
:'''Grandma''': Of course not. ''[pushes a cork in the floor and all SpongeBob's tears drain out]'' No matter how big you get, you will always be my little baby boo, and remember, you can kiss your grandma and still be an adult. ''[hands SpongeBob his sideburns and a chocolate chip cookie]'' Here you go. ''[SpongeBob puts on his sideburns and eats the cookie]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Thanks, Grandma. ''[bites the cookie]'' Uh, Grandma, could you not mention this to the guys down at the Krusty Krab?
:'''Grandma''': No problem. ''[hugs SpongeBob. Outside, Squidward and everyone else are laughing as the episode ends]''

===''Squidville'' [2.6b]===
:'''Squidward''': ''[in a state of tranquil fury]'' SpongeBob, this is the final straw. I'm going to move so far away that I will be able to brag about it. I would... ''[a piece of debris from his house falls on his head]'' I would rather tear out my brain-stem, carry it out into the middle of the nearest 4-way intersection, and skip rope with it, than continue living where I do now.
:''[A TV falls on the ground and turns on. On the television is an octopus, who looks like Squidward, but with a hair piece. He is in a suit and stands in front of a rainbow.]''
:'''Announcer''': Hi, there. Is this the final straw? Do you want to move so far away that you can brag about it? Would you rather tear out your brain-stem, walk out to the middle of the nearest three-way?
:'''Squidward''': Four-way.
:'''Announcer''': Four-way intersection and skip rope with it, than continue living where you do now? Then move to...
:'''Patrick''': ''[suddenly changes the channel to a static screen]'' I hate this channel.
:'''Squidward''': No! No! ''[changes it back]''
:'''Announcer''': ...Tentacle Acres. Where happiness is just a suction cup away. ''[puts his tentacles together and pops them. The pops echo]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[at the gated borders of Tentacle Acres]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Here it is, Patrick. Now we've just got to convince Squidward to come back home. You got our apology cake? 
:''[Patrick picks up a cake that reads, 'Sorry.' He puts it back in his pants, revealing a giant cake-shaped bulge in them]''
:'''SpongeBob''': We're ready!
:'''Patrick''': Ying. ''[SpongeBob pushes the button on the intercom]''
:'''Guard''': Hello, can I help you?
:'''Patrick''': ''[thinking it's a restaurant intercom]'' Can I get a large #1, extra size?
:'''SpongeBob''': But ya just ate three orders of fried oyster skins! 
:'''Patrick''': ''[unleashing a noxious gas cloud as he says this]'' I love fried oyster skins. 
:''[cut to inside the control room, where the guard sees SpongeBob and Patrick on one of his monitors]''
:'''Guard''': We're sorry, but ''your kind'' isn't allowed here. ''[a security guard walks up next to him]'' He's not leaving, Orville. You got your night stick ready? ''[the two smell Patrick's breath cloud as it wafts in through the speaker]'' FRIED OYSTER SKINS?! Ooooohhhhh... ''[the two collapse, the first guard falling on a button opening the gate]''
:'''Patrick''': I guess we gotta order inside.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Meanwhile, a group of octopuses are angrily chasing after a happy-go-lucky Squidward. He sucks the noses off of three houses whilst running by. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking by when they see Squidward run past them.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Hey! That looked like Squidward! [the mob runs past them] That looked like Squidward also, in angry mob form! [Squidward has approached a dead end]
:'''Policeman''': Hold it right there, Mr. Tentacles!
:'''Squidward''': Stand back! I've got gardening tools! ''[the policeman hands him an envelope]''
:'''Policeman''': Here! Just read this! ''[Squidward looks at it]''
:'''Squidward''': What is it?
:'''Policeman''': A well thought out and organized list of complaints! ''[the mob shouts out in agreement. SpongeBob and Patrick walk by]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, look! It's Squidward! ''[he runs up to the octopus and hugs him, but he's a different octopus with eyebrows and mustache, and a shirt like Squidward's]'' Squidward! We finally found you! ''[the octopus pushes SpongeBob off him]''
:'''Male Octopus''': Get off me, and I'm not Squidward! ''[pause]''
:'''Patrick''': Are you Squidward now?
:'''Squidward''': Grievances?! This town is a grievance! There should be a law against so many stuck-up tightwads living in one place! This city needs to be destroyed! [pause] Or at least painted a different color.
:'''Policeman''': F.Y.I., you don't have to live here, you know. ''[Squidward, and the crowd, smile]''
:'''Squidward''': Hey, you're right! ''[the crowd members' smiles fade]'' And I'm leaving A.S.A.P.! ''[meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to find Squidward]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Are you Squidward?
:'''Male Octopus''': No. ''[he walks up to the croquet woman]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Are you Squidward?
:'''Squidette''': No. ''[Patrick talks to a fire hydrant]''
:'''Patrick''': Are you Squidward? ''[pause]'' That's okay, take your time. ''[SpongeBob walks up to him]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Any one of these Squidwards can be the real Squidward, Patrick! [the town rumbles as Squidward rockets the leaf blower out of Tentacle Acres and laughs maniacally. The octopuses smile]
:'''Squidward''': Freedom! Woo-hoo! ''[SpongeBob and Patrick watch him fly over the horizon]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, we know one thing: it sure isn't that guy. ''[the episode ends]''

==Episode 7==
===''Prehibernation Week'' [2.7a]===

[The episode starts with Sandy in her treedome, who is raking leaves while humming]
Sandy: There we go! [rakes a pile of leaves in the shape of Texas] SpongeBob, I got all the leaves ra... [steps on piles of leaves still on the ground ] SpongeBob, what are all these leaves doing here? You said you were going to rake them!
SpongeBob: [peeks his head out of a pile of leaves he is in] I am raking the leaves.
Sandy: But they're still all over the ground!
SpongeBob: Sandy, I can't rake any faster. [picks up a leaf and starts scraping it with a tiny rake] These are big leaves. [leaf breaks into more pieces] And they keep breaking into more leaves.
Sandy: [pushes him away and rakes them herself] Then go scrape the salt lick or somethin'! We got to get this stuff done before it's too late!
SpongeBob: What's the big rush anyway, Sandy?
Sandy: [hanging laundry] I told ya, SpongeBob... [scrubs the birdbath with a toothbrush] I'm hibernating next week.
SpongeBob: Hibernating? What's that?
Sandy: [painting the fence] It's when I go to sleep for the whole winter.
SpongeBob: Can I do that?
Sandy: [chuckles] No, silly. It's a mammalian thing. [paints over SpongeBob's helmet]
SpongeBob: Sandy, you may not have noticed, but I is 100% ma-mmal.
Sandy: [cleaning her exercise wheel] Enough chitter-chatter, SpongeBob. We don't have much time left!
SpongeBob: Why, Sandy? When does your... &quot;carburation&quot; begin? [Sandy jumps down, pulling down a giant calendar with a giant x on the 8th]
Sandy: In one week!
SpongeBob: But Sandy, that only gives us 1, 2, 3... [gasps] 168 more hours of playtime!
Sandy: You're telling me. And there's still so much stuff to do! We gotta climb some things!
SpongeBob: Climb!
Sandy: We gotta jump off of stuff!
SpongeBob: Jump!
Sandy: We gotta ride!
SpongeBob: Ride!
Sandy: I don't wanna go to sleep yet!
SpongeBob: Wait, Sandy! [Sandy begins to cry]
Sandy: I can't burn carbs in my sleep!
SpongeBob: Sandy?
Sandy: What?!
SpongeBob: Sandy, I'm willing to sacrifice any of my time that I haven't already sold to Mr. Krabs to you. [Pantera playing]
Sandy: Well, I'm glad, SpongeBob, 'cause for the next seven days, it's gonna be you, me, and these sweatbands! [holds them up. Cut to the giant sand mountains area. Sandy is riding a giant clam shell smashing through a sign] Yee-ha! [sliding down the mountain so fast she is now on fire, heating the sand to a trail of glass. She zooms past a fish with a backpack on his back. When she goes past him, he drops to the ground and rolls around because he is on fire. She then streaks past a man and a woman skiing. The woman now wears a jogging outfit and the man is now wearing kids' clothing, riding a tricycle, and holding a lollipop and a paddleball. The woman looks at him]
Unnamed Fish #1: Uh... I can explain. [Sandy flips in mid-air, still on fire]
Sandy: I'm hotter than a hickory-smoked sausage! Woo-hoo! [Cut to SpongeBob wearing green head gear. He discards his shell board and glides down the mountain on his tongue. Cut to two kids, building a sandman]
Girl: Maybe, if we sing that song, he'll come to life.
Billy: Ready?
Both: [singing] Oh, there once was a sandman... [SpongeBob rides into the sandman. a musical note pops up]
SpongeBob: Life's as extreme as you want to make it! [jumps off the mountain] Whoo!
Girl: Maybe we didn't sing it right. [SpongeBob is flying toward the ground. When he hits it, two bones are sticking out]
SpongeBob: Yeah. [cut to Sandy and SpongeBob standing outside Sandy's treedome] Whew, what a workout. [pulls out his right arm and shows its damages] I'm going to be feeling this tomorrow. [his arm falls to the ground] Ow.
Sandy: I got to say, I'm impressed with you, SpongeBob. You're making this the best prehibernation week ever.
SpongeBob: Well, I'd better get home before Gary chews up the sofa again. [sighs as he lifts up his left leg and moves it alternately with the other over to his house. Later, it's nighttime and he is finally crawling into bed] Good night, Gary. [falls asleep. Then Sandy pushes a button which launches SpongeBob out of his bed and into a lake. SpongeBob is now a block of ice. Sandy jumps in and becomes a block of ice]
Sandy: Nothing like a refreshing morning dip, huh, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: [shivering] W-what h-happened to s-sleeping? [Sandy pulls down a calendar]
Sandy: I'll be asleep all winter! We only got three days for fun. [swims away] Well, hurry now! The giant clams like to feed at this hour! [cut to SpongeBob lifting a bowling ball into a tube. Sandy blows her whistle giving the signal and SpongeBob runs to the end and picks up a few jacks before the bowling ball hits him on his head. Sandy does the same thing but the bowling ball cracks her helmet] Isn't this great?
SpongeBob: Yeah! I've never played extreme jacks before! [cut to Sandy and SpongeBob with giant q-tips]
Sandy: Okay, SpongeBob, this one's going to be fun. We just whack each other with these giant ear cleaners 'til one of us falls off. [lifts hers up] On your mark... get set...
SpongeBob: Sandy, are you sure we're supposed to be standing up here?
Sandy: Go! [hits SpongeBob off the Sea Needle. SpongeBob lands on a fire hydrant. Sandy rides up on a two-seated bike] Come on, SpongeBob. We're goin' for a tandem ride through the park!
SpongeBob: Gee, that sounds safe! I mean, fun. [gets up but leaves a piece of himself on the fire hydrant. He jumps on the bike] Okay, I'm ready! I thought you said we were riding through the park, Sandy!
Sandy: I did, SpongeBob, the industrial park! [they ride into a giant factory] This is where the real action is! [Sandy pedals on barbed wire] This part gets pretty technical! Yee-haw! Now for the speed course. Hold on! [they ride through a conveyor belt with a giant crunching mouth at the end] I hope we make it! [bike begins to fall to the ground fast. SpongeBob screams] I'm havin' fun, too! [as they hit the ground, SpongeBob melts into a puddle. Sandy tosses a fishing rod on him] Wake up, slowpoke. [scene scrolls over to show a plane] We're going fly-fishing. [rimshot]
SpongeBob: [thinking] This squirrel's trying to kill me! Any more of these stunts and I'll be reduced to a puddle! [sees his shoe floating] Wait a minute, I've got to talk my way out of this! Sandy, I think I need to tell you something.
Sandy: What is it?
SpongeBob: Well, it's just that I'm feeling sort of... [his mouth melts away from his eyes. He pulls it back up] I just feel like maybe I need to... [his mouth melts away again. Sandy puts her hand over his mouth]
Sandy: Hold that thought, SpongeBob! 'Cause it's time for a down-home favorite! [holds up a piece of hay. Pantera plays again] Find the hay in the needle stack! [throws it in a giant pile of needles]
SpongeBob: [bites his fingers in fear. Cut to inside the needle pile where SpongeBob is saying &quot;ow&quot; as he gets pricked by the needles. One needle pricks his nose, causing it to deflate like a balloon. Deep voice] Ouch...
Sandy: Did you find it?
SpongeBob: Not yet.
Sandy: Well I'm going to look over here!
SpongeBob: You do that. [SpongeBob digs a hole underground then emerges]
Sandy: Found it, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob runs away] Come on! Best two out of three!
SpongeBob: Gotta hide! Uh... gotta hide! [looks at his house] Home? No. Gary can't keep a secret. [looks at Patrick's rock] Under a rock? It's so original! [as he jumps for the rock, his pants get stuck on a small coral bush]
Sandy: SpongeBob?! [SpongeBob struggles to get free and eventually does, but leaves his pants stuck on the plant] SpongeBob? [walks up to SpongeBob's pants] Where are you, little square dude? [gasps] SpongeBob's tie! And all his other little dressin's! But... but... he always folds his clothes before runnin' around... [in an odd face expression] in the nude! Somethin' terrible must have happened to him! [goes to the Krusty Krab] Alright, listen up, y'all! I'm rounding up a search party! SpongeBob's gone missing! [Squidward smiles at Mr. Krabs, thinking that Mr. Krabs will not look for SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs gives Squidward an angry look]
Mr. Krabs: Man the lifeboats! [Squidward frowns because they will search for SpongeBob]
Sandy: Alpha Team, you search uptown, Gold Team searches downtown. Any questions?
Frank: Gold Team rules!
Sandy: Now get movin'! [crowd yelling] [Fred put a Lost poster with a picture of SpongeBob] SpongeBob? [Cuts to Sandy and the search party] Someone look up there! [Sandy pops out of a sewer] Put your dorsal fins into it! [cut to searching in the sulfur fields] Come on! He could be anywhere in these sulfur fields! [Incidental 31 looks in a spout]
Clayton : Hey, SpongeBob! [a blast of sulfur hits him in the face] Well, at least I still have my personality.
Sandy: Check in this here moist cave! [Old Man Jenkins, Nathaniel, and Scooter walk in shouting for SpongeBob, then run out screaming, realizing the cave is actually a three-eyed sea elephant]
Sandy: Status report!
Phil: [covered in Poison Sea Urchins] He's not at the Poison Sea Urchin cove.
Sandy: Well, look again!
Vera: [covered in leeches] He's not at the leech farm.
Sandy: Well, look again!
Squidward: He's not in my thoughts.
Sandy: Well, think again! [cut to Sandy talking into a megaphone] Attention, Bikini Bottom, the time has come to double, no, triple our efforts!
Squidward: How about a break?! We've been at it for days!
Debbie: Think about the children!
Sandy: That's a good idea! Use the children to crawl into small places you couldn't normally reach.
Dave: [whispering to Norma] This is a load of barnacles.
Sandy: I heard that! No one's going anywhere until we find SpongeBob!
Frank: Uh... uh, wait! [picks up Francis] Uh, here he is!
Sandy: That ain't SpongeBob! SpongeBob is square!
[Frank squishes and stretches Francis into a square.]
Francis: [in a poor imitation of SpongeBob] I'm ready! I'm ready!
Sandy: No, you ain't! [Clay holds up a box of Kelp-O]
Clay: I found SquareBob!
Sandy: That's just a cereal box. Besides, he's yellow.
Charlie: [holds up a banana] Uh... here he is! Hey, can I go home now? [Sandy becomes annoyed]
Tina: [points up] Oh, look! He's up in the sky! [Sandy happily opens her mouth and looks up, but SpongeBob's not in the sky]
Sandy: Well, he's not... huh? [everyone is gone] They must have gone to search some more. [they hide under Patrick's rock, with their eyeballs peeking out from the bottom, and a cough is heard, Sandy continues searching for SpongeBob] SpongeBob! Where are you?! [lifts up a house] You under there?! [lifts up another house] Nope! [lifts up another house where the unnamed fish from before is at]
Skier: Uh, I can explain.
Sandy: [lifts up another house] SpongeBob? [lifts up another house] Nope! [lifts up another house] Nope! [lifts up another house] Nope! SpongeBob! Where are you?!
Man: [everyone is looking at Sandy] That squirrel's gone crazy.
Woman: But she'll never look under a rock.
SpongeBob: [laughs] You said it! Sandy'll never find us! [everyone glares at SpongeBob. He chuckles nervously, and they throw him out] Hey, wait, you don't understand!
Squidward: [pops out from under the rock] Oh, look, it is I, SpongeBob, out here in the open! [Sandy turns around]
Sandy: SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: [screams in horror] Aah! C'mon, let me back in! You don't understand! [Sandy hugs him while everyone cheers]
Sandy: Oh, SpongeBob, I was so worried! I thought something terrible happened! [grabs his arm] Come on, there's just enough time to go atom smashing! [runs but SpongeBob is not moving]
SpongeBob: Sandy, wait!
Sandy: There's no time to wait! Hibernation! [pulls on SpongeBob's arm]
SpongeBob: Sandy, you've got to make time! This is important! [Sandy lets go of his arm] I... am a man! [holds up a razor] Okay, Sandy, I... I... I... I can't play with you anymore! I just can't take the games! They're... tearing me apart! [rips off his nose and throws it on the ground, then holds onto Sandy's legs crying] There, I said it! Now just promise we can still be friends! Please, Sandy, this isn't easy! I-- [notices Sandy has fallen asleep] Sandy? [chuckles a little] I never thought I'd say it, but thank Neptune for hibernation! [laughs and joins Sandy in her winter slumber, resting his head on her foot in the process]
Patrick: [returning home with groceries and an ice cream] Who are you people?

===''Life of Crime'' [2.7b]===
:'''Patrick''': I wanna go home.
:'''SpongeBob''': We can never go home, Pat; We're wanted men. We'll spend the rest of our lives running. Running, but at least it's warmer on the fire.
:'''Patrick''': Hey, if we’re underwater, how could there be a- ''[The fire dissolves]'' I'm scared, SpongeBob.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Patrick''': Thanks, SpongeBob. I think I'll eat it now! ''[takes a big bite of the still-wrapped chocolate bar, finishes the rest, then sighs and wipes his face]'' I think I'll eat it now. ''[bites his hand accidentally]'' Ow! Huh? Where'd my candy bar go? I must have dropped it.
:'''SpongeBob''': You just ate it, Pat. It's all over your face.
:'''Patrick''': ''[still looking]'' Where'd it go? I'm gonna starve. Where'd it go? I can't find it! Where could it possibly be? ''[looks at SpongeBob]'' A-ha!
:'''SpongeBob''': What?
:'''Patrick''': ''[angrily confronts SpongeBob]'' You stole my candy bar!
:'''SpongeBob''': No, I didn't.
:'''Patrick''': Oh, so that's how it is, huh? Once a thief, always a thief.
:'''SpongeBob''': You ate yours, this is mine.
:'''Patrick''': You took my only food! ''[feels his stomach]'' Now I'm gonna starve!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[hands Patrick his candy bar]'' Here, Patrick, just take half of mine.
:'''Patrick''': ''[ticked off]'' Yours?! You mean mine!
:'''SpongeBob''': Do you want it or what?!
:'''Patrick''': ''[furiously grabs SpongeBob by the shirt]'' I don't want it unless you admit you took it!
:'''SpongeBob:''' This is my candy bar!
:'''Patrick''': Liar, liar, plants for hire.
:'''SpongeBob''': It's &quot;pants on fire,&quot; Patrick.
:'''Patrick''': ''[furiously crosses his arms and angrily pouts]'' Well, you would know... liar.
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, if you're going to be that way, I'll eat it myself!
:'''Patrick''': ''[getting ticked off, fiercely gives SpongeBob a warning]'' You better not. I'm warning you! Don't! ''[High-pitched yelling]'' Stop it! Don't! ''[enraged]'' Ah! ''[covers his ears]'' Ah! ''[screaming and shaking his head, pulls his hair while screaming]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[rips open the wrapper]'' Aaah... ''[opens his mouth wide and takes the candy bar closer to his mouth, swaying his tongue up and down, chomps lightly on the bar, puts the bar in his wide open mouth; his two teeth go across the surface of the bar, making strings of chocolate, puts the bar through his head and moves it left to right, licks the candy bar, slowly pushes the candy bar into his mouth and starts chewing]''
:'''Patrick''': ''[turns red in anger]'' You're a crazy person! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[enraged]'' Did I, Patrick, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?!
:'''Patrick''': ''[angrily stomp his foot down]'' Oh! That's it! First the balloon, now my candy bar... you're out of control! I'm... ''[menacingly threatens]'' I'm telling on you.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[gasps]'' Not if I tell on you first!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Blue Officer''': If ya can't do the time, don't do the crime.
:''[They slam the jail door on SpongeBob and Patrick; two seconds later...]''
:'''Blue Officer''': Okay, time's up. ''[reopens the cell]'' Now get out!
:'''SpongeBob''': But... we stole a balloon.
:'''Blue Officer''': Yeah, on ''Free Balloon Day!''
:''[The officers laugh as SpongeBob and Patrick stare surprised.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Orange Officer''': How about some lollipops for the road, boys? ''[gives 2 lollipops]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Let's vow never to borrow anything without permission again.
:'''Patrick''': You said it! ''[the two cross their lollipops, but Patrick's is already eaten]'' All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop?
:''[They laugh; cuts to the island at night]''
:'''Patrick:''' ...I mean it.

==''[[w:Christmas Who?|Christmas Who?]]'' [2.8]==
:'''Patchy''': [''looking at the window''] Three bells! We know what three bells mean...
:'''Kids''': [''offset''] Free ice cream!
:'''Patchy''': [''laughs''] No, you silly livers! No!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Patchy''': This letter comes to us from --
:'''Realistic Fish Head''': Name and address withheld.
:'''Patchy''': And he writes: &quot;Dear SpongeBob, I am ten years old, and I was wondering if you like Christmas as much as I do. Sincerely yours...&quot;
:'''Realistic Fish Head''': Name and address withheld.
:'''Patchy''': A very good question. But you know, they didn't always celebrate Christmas in Bikini Bottom.
:'''Potty''': ''[squawks]'' They didn't?
:'''Patchy''': No sir, my fine feathered little neck pain!
:''[Patchy cuts Potty's strings, and he falls to the ground; the operator falls as well.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Squidward''': I can't believe anyone would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts.
:'''Patrick''': Like a genie!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Squidward''':  Aww, our first Christmas. ''♪This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas!'' ''The first Christmas is this Christmas!'' ''[donkey appears on screen making noises]'' ''Cause it feels like the first Christmas to me!♪'' ''[laughs at SpongeBob and hits his butt over and over again]''
:'''SpongeBob''': You were right, Squidward. This was a stupid holiday. ''[cries; takes out a present]'' I still want you to have this.
:'''Squidward''': ''[stops hitting his butt]'' What? What's this?
:'''SpongeBob''': A present. I made it for you so you wouldn't be left out when... ''[lifts his inelegant blubbering head up]'' Santa came! ''[cries some more]''
:'''Squidward''': Oh, gee, I, uh, you know I...
:'''SpongeBob''': You're welcome. ''[sadly walks off and cries]''
:'''Squidward''':  SpongeBob? He made me a present? It's probably a jellyfish net, or an old Krabby Patty, or... ''[imitates a hillbilly]'' his favorite underpants. Haha. Present. ''[opens the present]'' Why, it looks like a clarinet. ''[smells it]'' It smells like one, too. Handcrafted out of driftwood. And it's even got my name on it. ''[finds a button that says &quot;push&quot;]'' What's this? ''[pushes the button and three wooden Squidwards with clarinets come out and bob up and down]'' Wow. This is the greatest gift I've ever gotten. ''[sniffles]'' Oh, I feel like a... ''[donkey appears on screen and makes noises]'' '''big jerk!''' 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''French Narrator''': Well, it looks like Patchy's really busy at the moment, so I'll say it to him. Good night and happy holidays.

==Episode 9==
===''Survival of the Idiots'' [2.9a]===
:'''SpongeBob''': Sandy? ''[they enter]'' Hey, Sandy, what's with the sign?
:'''SpongeBob''': I guess you're right. It's okay here!
:'''Patrick''': Uh, SpongeBob?
:'''Patrick''': Fun's over.
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, that oughta work.
:'''Patrick''': Nice paneling.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[as Dirty Dan; in a southern voice]'' Alright Pinhead, your time is up.
:'''Patrick''': ''[as Pinhead Larry; with a look that seems to resemble [[w:Zippy the Pinhead|Zippy the Pinhead]]]'' Who you calling Pinhead? I wanna be Dirty Dan!
:'''SpongeBob''': What makes you think you can be Dirty Dan?
:'''Patrick''': I'm Dirty Dan! ''[SpongeBob hits him with a baseball bat made of snow]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I say I'm Dirty Dan.
:'''Patrick''': ''[rushes to get a spiked-bat made of snow]'' I say ''I'm'' Dirty Dan.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[hits Patrick]'' I say I'm Dirty Dan.
:'''Patrick''': ''[hits SpongeBob]'' I'm Dirty Dan!
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm Dirty Dan!
:'''Patrick''': I'm Dirty Dan!
:''[They continue to hit each other while saying &quot;I'm Dirty Dan!&quot;. The commotion wakes Sandy up]''
:'''Patrick''': I'm Dirty Dan! ''[SpongeBob sees something behind Patrick and screams in terror]'' Screaming will get you nowh- ''[Sandy reaches out, grabs the top of Patrick's head and rips it off. Sandy huffs and growls as she stands behind Patrick, towering over him with sharpened teeth bared in a snarl]''
:'''Sandy''': ''[breathing heavily]'' Which one of you fellers is the '''real''' Dirty Dan?!
:'''Patrick''': Uh... I am? ''[bad idea, as Sandy promptly backhands him and sends him flying across the treedome]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick!
:''[Patrick slams against the dome hard enough to leave a dent and little drumsticks float around his head]''
:'''Patrick''':  Hot wings... ''[cut back to Sandy, who rounds on a cowering and terrified SpongeBob]''
:'''Sandy''': Okay, Pinhead Larry. Now you get yours!
:''[SpongeBob's pupils shrink in fear, He screams and jumps away to avoid it seconds before Sandy's fist obliterates where he was just sitting. Sandy throws her head back and bellows]'' '''Pinhead...!''' ''[SpongeBob whimpers and runs, Sandy is close behind. SpongeBob later doesn't seem to be going far because he's right behind Sandy on the exercise wheel. He slips and gets flung across the wheel. He flies off and slams into the picnic table, leaving a giant crater in its place. Sandy leans over the crater]'' Now you're gonna pay for those crimes,  Pinhead! ''[SpongeBob picks up a wood board]'' 
:'''SpongeBob''': Sandy, stand back. I'm warning ya! ''[Sandy roars right in SpongeBob's face]'' Okay, I warned ya! ''[SpongeBob throws the wooden board, Patrick pops up beside Sandy]''
:'''Patrick''': Did you win? ''[he's hit by the board and rolls down the crater to SpongeBob's feet]'' Hi, SpongeBob. ''[Sandy growls before leaping into the crater. SpongeBob and Patrick cling onto each other in fear for their lives as a huge shadow covers them before a cloud obscures them, presumably simulating a fight. The scene fades to the treedome at night where two gravestones are in front of Sandy's Treedome: one for Dirty Dan and one for Pinhead Larry. Patrick and SpongeBob come up from under the snow in respective tombstone order]'' Okay, SpongeBob, you can be Dirty Dan. I just wanna be Patrick.
:'''SpongeBob''': Let's get out of here before Sandy wakes up again!
:''[the two run to the door and SpongeBob tries to open it, but his hands slip off the wheel and accidentally hits Patrick in the face]''
:'''Patrick''': Ouch! ''[covers his eyes in pain]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Sorry, Patrick, but the door is slippery! It's frozen shut!
:'''Patrick''': Let me have a try. ''[he goes up to the door and spits on both hands, preparing to open the door]'' Open sesame! ''[nothing happens, Patrick shrugs]'' Well, I've done all I can do...
:'''SpongeBob''': Then we're stuck in here... until the door thaws... in spring!
:'''Patrick''': Barnacles! ''[cut to much later, where SpongeBob and Patrick are completely buried in the snow, shivering and blue]'' Is it spring yet?
:'''SpongeBob''': Uhh, N-n-n-no. ''[Patrick and SpongeBob's snow covering on their faces break off]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Maybe we should build a fire. I got it! We'll burn the bark from Sandy's tree! ''[SpongeBob begins to pull a strip of bark off the tree, but he is stopped by Sandy's booming voice]''
:'''SpongeBob''': The fire's not gonna happen, Patrick. I don't get it! How does Sandy survive these intense conditions every year?
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Yeah! ''[cut to inside the tree where SpongeBob and Patrick marvel at Sandy's fur]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': Carefully... carefully? ''[Patrick smacks him]''
:'''Patrick''': Come on, do it! I'm freezing here!
:'''SpongeBob''': Pat, no! ''[Patrick rips a patch of Sandy's fur off with the tape, leaving a patch of bare skin. Sandy roars and goes back to sleep, SpongeBob sighs in relief]'' Pat, are you crazy? ''[He sees that Patrick has placed the fur on his forehead]''
:'''Patrick''': No. I'm warm.
:'''SpongeBob''': Let me see that roll of tape.
:'''Patrick''': You said it!
:'''Sandy''': Oh, look, it's SpongeBob and Patrick! ''[With that, SpongeBob and Patrick go crazy trying to open the door. Patrick screams. Sandy walks over, completely hairless and in her bikini]'' 
:'''Sandy''': Hey, guys! ''[They climb off the door]'' ''[She sees all the different fur assortments the two are wearing. She looks down at her bald pink body and screams in horror.]'' 
:'''SpongeBob''': It's okay, Sandy. Squirrel pattern baldness is quite common in small mammals. ''[Patrick removes the furry piece from his forehead, smiling fearfully. Sandy is really tickled off now.]''
:'''Sandy''': ''[growling with fury]'' SpongeBob! Patrick!
:'''SpongeBob''': Don't worry, Sandy. We've got you covered.
:''[He giggles nervously. Cut to Sandy's arm pouring some lemonade, she giggles]''
:'''Sandy''': ''[giggles]'' More lemonade, boys? ''[pan out to see that Patrick is curled around Sandy's head and SpongeBob around Sandy's body as punishment for ripping her fur to keep them warm, in order to cover up her bald pink hide and keep her warm until her fur grows back. The two take a glass.]''
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Thanks, Sandy.
:'''Sandy''': Spring sure is lovely.

===''Dumped'' [2.9b]===
:'''Patrick''': Would it be all right if Gary and I did some laundry over here?
:'''SpongeBob''': Laundry? But ''we'' used to do laundry!
:'''Patrick''': And, uh... SpongeBob, could we borrow some soap?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[on the verge of breaking down]'' Soap? But ''we'' used to use soap! ''[holds up two different types of soap]'' Do you want Fresh Scent or Heavy Du...
:'''Patrick''': Here it comes...
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[breaks out in a fountain of tears, each falling into the separate soapboxes and lathering them up in his hand]'' GARY, PLEASE COME BACK GARY! GARY, PLEASE COME HOME! I'M A WRECK WITHOUT YOU! ''[stops crying]'' I know! If you come back, there'll be a new no-rules rule. You can do whatever you want, when you want! ''[runs up to the sofa and tears it up furiously]'' If you feel like ripping the sofa, then you rip it up! ''[runs up to the litter box]'' And the litter box? Forget about it! ''[he dumps the litter on his head]'' The world is your litter box! ''[he runs to the fridge and opens it]'' And you don't even have to wait around for me to feed you anymore! 24-hour fridge access! ''[he takes a milk carton and drinks it]'' And you don't even have to use a bowl! ''[he runs to a giant carving of Squidward]'' And I know how much you like my prized driftwood carving of Squidward. ''[scratches at it]'' Well, think of it as your own personal scratching post! What do you think, Gary? Won't it be fun, Gary? ''[we see SpongeBob has carved Squidward into a heart]''
:'''Patrick''': How pathetic.
:'''SpongeBob''': Gary? ''[the heart breaks in half and one half hits him. The two walk to the laundry room]''
:'''Patrick''': ''[patronisingly]'' I'm sorry, SpongeBob. But Gary's with me now. You had your chance and you failed. You have to stop living in the past. Face it, SpongeBob, you're only hurting yourself. ''[he takes off his shorts and puts them in the machine; Gary crawls in after them]'' It's what Gary wants, and what Gary wants is me. Right, Gary? ''[Gary does not answer]'' Huh?
:''[The two notice Gary is in the machine, nudging in Patrick's shorts and crunching on something.]''
:'''Patrick''': He only liked me for my shorts!
:'''SpongeBob''': No, Patrick! He wanted the cookie in your pocket!
:''[Gary is indeed eating the cookie. He finishes it, pops out of the machine, and crawls back to SpongeBob]''
:'''Gary''': Meow.
:'''SpongeBob''': Gary? ''[Gary burps and happily meows]'' Whee! ''[hugs Gary]'' Oh, Gary, I knew you'd never leave me! Aww... ''[giggles, he takes his leash]'' Let's go for a walk, pal! ''[the two walk out of the house]''
:'''Patrick''': ''[left alone heartbroken and devastated]'' Gary? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL...!!! ''[the episode ends]''

==Episode 10==
===''No Free Rides'' [2.10a]===

:'''SpongeBob''': Okay, Mrs. Puff, what's my final score?
:'''Mrs. Puff''': Six.
:'''SpongeBob''': Whoo! And how many do I need to pass?
:'''Mrs. Puff''': Six.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[raising arms slowly]'' Whoo.
:'''Mrs. Puff''': Hundred. ''[SpongeBob stops]''
:'''SpongeBob''': What?
:'''Mrs. Puff''': 600. You need 600 to pass. You got six.
:'''SpongeBob''': Don't worry. I'll be all right, Mrs. Puff. Besides, this means that I get to be in your class for a whole 'nother year! ''[he slams his fist down, which causes a piece of the motor to fly upward]'' Well, see you next Tuesday! ''[SpongeBob walks off and the piece crashes on Mrs. Puff. She inflates like she always does when SpongeBob crashes. SpongeBob runs out to his unicycle-like bike]'' Yeah! ''[singing]'' I'm gonna get my driver's license and it's only gonna take one more year, one more year, one more super duper year. ''[goes around in circles on his bike]'' One more super-spectacular, extra-magical, extra-fantastical year! ''[Mrs. Puff looks on, still inflated]''
:'''Mrs. Puff''': ''[thinking]'' Oh, Neptune. Another year with him! Barnacles! Dirty barnacles! I've got to do something to save myself. Oh, there's only one way out: a teacher's ace in the hole! ''[starts to talk, when she does, she deflates to her normal size]'' ♪ Extra crediiiiit! ♪
:'''SpongeBob''': What was that, Mrs. Puff? ''[Mrs. Puff runs over and shakes him in joy]''
:'''Mrs. Puff''': Extra credit, SpongeBob! The extra credit! ''[laughing wildly]'' I still have a chance! I mean, you still have a chance.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[muffled]'' What's extra credit?
:'''Mrs. Puff''': It's when you get credit for the things you weren't able to do before.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[singing]'' ♪ Oh… ♪
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': Hey! I'm driving! ''[the two notice each other and scream loudly. Mrs. Puff skids off the road for a bit, then returns to normal. SpongeBob jumps up]'' Who are you and what are you doing with my boat? And why are you wearing that ski mask?! Because you're not skiing! Oh, my gosh, I know who you are!
:'''Spongebob:''' ''[While Running and hanging on To the stolen boat Mrs. Puff is driving.]'' I'm... not... letting... go! Nothing will stop me! Not even- ''[Gasps as he sees the sign that reads...]'' Giant clams!? 
:''[Gets dragged through the  field of clams causing him to miss some pieces while still hanging on to the boat.]''
:'''Spongebob:''' I'm... not... letting... go... even for... ''[Gasps again as he sees another sign that reads...] '''Cheese graters!?''' [skids through the graters thus appearing as nothing but the 4 Yellow Sponge strands with arms While still hanging on to the boat.]'' If you think I'll let go for a little... ''[approaches the most [https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/Citations:arson,_murder,_and_jaywalking worst sign of them all that reads...]]''
:'''Spongebob: ''[https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Educational_television EDUCATIONAL TELEVISION!?] OH NO!!!'''''
:''[Mrs Puffs hears SpongeBob scream off-screen.]''
:

===''I'm Your Biggest Fanatic'' [2.10b]===
:'''SpongeBob''': But Kevin, I was your biggest fan.
:'''Kevin''': So were they. ''[points down to some fans he has managed to get rid of, trapped at the bottom of the ledge at a campfire]''
:'''Fish''': Hey, look everyone! Kevin's back! ''[they cheer]''
==Episode 11==
===''Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III'' [2.11a]===

TV Announcer: The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! We join Bikini Bottom's noblest, boldest, oldest superheroes as they bravely prepare for vacation. [both pack their clothes into their bags while the words &quot;FOLD&quot; and &quot;PACK&quot; come up] But wait! While our heroes relax at Leisure Village, who will watch the Mermalair? [Barnacle Boy opens the doors and SpongeBob and Patrick jump in]
SpongeBob: ManSponge...
Patrick: ...and BoyPatrick...
Both: Reporting for duty!
Barnacle Boy: Yeah, yeah, follow me.
Both: Up, up, and away!
Mermaid Man: Evil!
Barnacle Boy: Now, we want you boys to keep an eye on the place. Water the plants, and make sure that...
SpongeBob: Oh, my gosh, Patrick! This is the greatest wall of superhero secret gadgetry ever! I'm going to play with the Cosmic-Ray!
Patrick: I get the Aqua-Glove!
Mermaid Man: Hold on there, boys! You cannot play with this stuff.
SpongeBob: What about the Orb of Confusion? [turns the orb on and makes confused faces]
Mermaid Man: [turns it off] No, no! Prolonged exposure to the Orb of Confusion will give you... uh... confusion!
Patrick: [opens the boat's door] What about the Invisible Boatmobile?
Barnacle Boy: Especially not the Invisible Boatmobile! [closes the boat's door] When we say don't touch anything, we mean don't touch anything! Do you understand?
SpongeBob and Patrick: [salutes] Loud and clear, trusted boy companion!
Barnacle Boy: Well, great. Here are the keys. [SpongeBob takes the key from his hand] We'll see you in a week.
Mermaid Man: [both run out the door] Up, up, and away!
SpongeBob: Come, BoyPatrick, while our heroes are away, we will keep evil at bay! [both flip into the other room while letting out battle cries]
Patrick: Huh? Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma...
SpongeBob: What is it, trusted sidekick?
Patrick: Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma! Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma! Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma! Man Ray! [both scream, then hide]
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, how come he's not chasing us?
SpongeBob: Looks like he's frozen or something.
Patrick: Fruh-fruh-fruh-fro-fruh-fruh-fro-fruh-fro...
SpongeBob: It appears to be some sort of prison chamber... [licks the chamber] ...made out of frozen tartar sauce. This is incredible! Next to the Dirty Bubble, the evil Man Ray is the all-time greatest arch nemesis of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. I have so many questions to ask him! [Patrick pulls the lever down to UNFREEZE] Pat, what are you doing? We're not supposed to touch anything!
Patrick: But you said you had a question.
SpongeBob: We could get in trouble!
Patrick: Well, that's not a question. [they both argue when Man Ray's eyes start to light up]
SpongeBob: They said not to touch anything and that includes unfreezing a super-villain! [pulls level up back to FREEZE]
Man Ray: I'm free! Hahaha!
SpongeBob: Uh, actually, Mr. uh... Man Ray, sir, only your head is free.
Man Ray: By the supreme authority of wickedness, I, the evil Man Ray, command you to release me from this frozen prison at once!
SpongeBob: Well, uhh, Mr. Evil Man Ray, sir, we can't do that.
Man Ray: Why... not?!
SpongeBob: Because you're evil!
Man Ray: You mean, if I was good, then you'd let me go?
SpongeBob: Yeah, sure, why not?
Man Ray: Then, uh, in that case... I am good.
SpongeBob: Really?
Man Ray: Yes, really.
SpongeBob: Really, really?
Man Ray: Yes, yes, really, really.
SpongeBob: Really, really, really?
Man Ray: Yes, yes, already! I'm good! I'm good! Now let me out of here or you'll suffer dire consequences!
SpongeBob: Well, that's good enough for me. [SpongeBob pulls the lever back to &quot;UNFREEZE&quot; Man Ray is unfrozen and falls to the ground]
Man Ray: You fools! Prepare to be eradicated! [tries to jump at SpongeBob and Patrick but stops in mid-air and falls to the ground then laughs] What's wrong with me? Hahaha! What is this...Hahaha...infernal contraption?!
SpongeBob: Don't play dumb, Man Ray! You know that's the tickle belt Mermaid Man used on you in episode #17!
Narrator: [showing a picture of the belt] As seen in episode #17!
Patrick: Oh, I love that episode.
SpongeBob: Oh, me too, me too!
Man Ray: I'll never get out of here wearing this belt! [chuckles] I... I need an evil plan that will trick them to take it off me. [chuckles again] Time for those acting lessons to pay off.
SpongeBob: Remember that part Mermaid Man and Barnacle...
Man Ray: Oh, boohoo! Oh, sob! Oh, cry! [opens and closes his eyes] Oh, woe is me! You don't know what it's like being evil for so long. Oh, how I wish to be... good. If only some kind heroes would show me the path to decency. [SpongeBob and Patrick gasp]
SpongeBob: We could teach you how to be good and then we'll let you go!
Man Ray: [turns around] Ahh, that would be fantastic! [chuckles] I'll fake my way through this just like I did in high school. [laughs]
SpongeBob: Okay, Man Ray. Are you ready for your first day at goodness school? [Man Ray puts an apple on his desk] Pat, get your wallet out. [Patrick gets his wallet out of his pocket] Okay, goodness lesson number one. You see someone drop their wallet... Patrick, drop the wallet. [Patrick tosses it on the ground] Now, what do you do?
Man Ray: [holds it out to Patrick] Excuse me, sir! But I do believe you've dropped your wallet.
Patrick: Doesn't look familiar to me.
Man Ray: What? I just saw you drop it. Here.
Patrick: Nope, it's not mine.
Man Ray: It is yours. I... am trying to be a good person and return it to you.
Patrick: Return what to who?
Man Ray: [facepalms, then shows Patrick his own ID] Aren't you Patrick Star?
Patrick: Yup.
Man Ray: And this is your ID.
Patrick: Yup.
Man Ray: I found this ID in this wallet. And if that's the case, this must be your wallet.
Patrick: That makes sense to me.
Man Ray: Then take it.
Patrick: It's not my wallet.
Man Ray: [in anger and frustration] You dim bulb! Take back your wallet or I'll rip your arms off! [SpongeBob pushes tickle button and Man Ray laughs]
SpongeBob: Ah-ah! Wrong. [pushes button] Good people don't rip other people's arms off! [Man Ray chuckles]
[Bubble transition]
SpongeBob: Okay, goodness lesson number two. [Patrick walks in with a package, straining] You see someone struggling with a heavy package. What do you do?
Man Ray: Hello, friend! I noticed you were struggling with that package. Would you like some help with-- [Patrick drops package on his foot] Ow!
Patrick: Oops, sorry. Can I start over?
Man Ray: I noticed you w-- [Patrick drops package again] Oww!
Patrick: Oops! Gotta start again.
Man Ray: Would-- [Patrick drops package again] Ahh!
Patrick: Oops!
Man Ray: [Growls in anger] You butter-fingered pink thing! What's in that box anyhow?
Patrick: My wallets.
Man Ray: [Screams in fury. He grabs Patrick's head]
Patrick: No! SpongeBob, tickle him! [Man Ray slams him into the ground back and forth. SpongeBob presses the tickle button]
Man Ray: [laughs] It tickles, but it's worth it! [continues slamming Patrick into the ground, while still laughing]
SpongeBob: Alright, goodness lesson number three. [Patrick is shown angry and severely injured] Uhh, let's see. [Patrick grabs the remote]
Patrick: I've got one. I'm thinking of a number between one and one hundred. What is it?
Man Ray: Um... sixty-two?
Patrick: Wrong! [pushes button]
Man Ray: Haha! Stop!
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, that's got nothing to do with being good.
Patrick: Let go of it, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Pat, we've got to use it only when he's bad!
Patrick: Let go!
SpongeBob: No, you let go!
Both: Let... go! [remote breaks and the belt goes hay-wire]
Man Ray: Frequency rising! Belt out of control! Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Belt on too hard! [he continues to laugh] It's tickling my DNA! Make it stop! [tears come out as he laughs] Haha! Please!
SpongeBob: Did you hear that, Patrick? He said the P word.
Patrick: Peanuts?
SpongeBob: No. Please.
Patrick: Well, that's good enough for me. I guess he's reconstituted.
SpongeBob: Rehabilitated.
Patrick: Gesundheit.
SpongeBob: It's graduation day, Man Ray. This is the key to your future. [unlocks the belt, then the tickling stops] Just look at him, Patrick. The picture of goodness. [Man Ray takes the Aqua-Glove off the wall of weapons] Umm, we're not supposed to touch that stuff. [Man Ray put the glove on his hand and activates it] We're not supposed to touch that, either. [Man Ray grabs the Cosmic-Ray and attaches it on the Aqua-Glove] We are really not suppose to touch those, sir. [He aims the weapon at SpongeBob and Patrick] Good people have no use for weapons such as... [Man Ray zaps them into dust] Thooose!
Man Ray: [laughs] The only thing I'm good at is being evil. [door opens and Man Ray runs] So long, suckers!
Patrick: What's that smell, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: That, Patrick, is the smell of defeat.
Patrick: Good, I thought it was my skin.
SpongeBob: Forget about your skin, Patrick! Man Ray is still bad and someone has to stop him. This is a job for Mermaid Man...
Patrick: ...and Barnacle Boy! [both slide down the poles and get their costumes on]
SpongeBob: To the Invisible Boatmobile! [both stop in the invisible boat]
Patrick: Ignition, on!
SpongeBob: Wait! I don't have a license!
Patrick: Well, this is an invisible boat, right? So, you need an invisible license. [shapes hand into a rectangle]
SpongeBob: You're the best sidekick ever, Barnacle Boy. [they scream as the boat rams through the wall and into a street light]
Patrick: Thank goodness for invisible seat belts!
Man Ray: [walks past SpongeBob and Patrick] Out of my way, fools! You no longer have control of me. [stops at the edge of the cliff and points to Bikini Bottom] And now this town belongs to...Man Ray! [he does a victory pose]
SpongeBob: Not so fast, arch-villain! We still have the Orb of Confusion! [Patrick takes out the Orb of Confusion] Take this! [turns it on and gets all confused] Doy... Duh...
Man Ray: Well, that was easy. [heads to the bank where he kicks in the door] Hahaha! All right, people! Everybody stand right where you are!
[citizens: Vera Fishbowl, Harold &quot;Bill&quot; Reginald, Sylvester, Lloyd-Rich, and Nancy gasp]
Man Ray: I want you to, uh... [Man Ray chuckles, so everyone else chuckles, too] No! No! Stop giggling or I'll have to... [chuckles again, so everyone else is still chuckling] Stop laughing, you fools!
Nancy Suzy Fish: What can I do for you, sir?
Man Ray: I'll tell you what you can do! [points glove at the lady] Gimme all of your... [Man Ray chuckles again] G-gimme, gimme all of your... [Man Ray is still chuckling] Give me...! [he chuckles so much he realizes what's going on] Aah! The belt is gone, but I still feel its tickle! The urge to do bad is gone! [sighs] I guess I'll just open a checking account. [Man Ray returns to SpongeBob and Patrick and turns the Orb of Confusion off]
SpongeBob: Doy... [gasps] Man Ray!
Man Ray: No need to be alarmed, SpongeBob. Your teachings have transformed me. Besides, I have checks... with little poodles on them! [Man Ray takes his head off and gives it to SpongeBob] I won't be needing this anymore. Farewell, fellow do-gooder. [walks off]
SpongeBob: Bye, Man Ray! Wow, we did it! Just like the real Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! We saved the day! Isn't it incredible, Patrick?! Patrick?
Patrick: Uhh... [still has a confused look on his face]
SpongeBob: Patrick, you know that thing's turned off, right? Patrick? Woo-hoo? Patrick?

===''Squirrel Jokes'' [2.11b]===

[Lights are circling outside the Krusty Krab. Inside, there is a sign hanging from the ceiling that reads 'Komedy Krab.']
Mr. Krabs: Okay, everybody settle down. Welcome [pauses] to the Komedy Krab! [puts an arrow on his eyes. Everyone laughs] Now please give a warm welcome to our first comic, the indiscernible Dougie Williams!
[Dougie walks onto the stage as Mr. Krabs walks out.]
Dougie Williams: Good evening, folks. I'm going to skip the jokes and get right to the part where I throw pies at ya![pulls out a cart of pies. The crowd takes out their umbrellas. SpongeBob opens the curtain from behind and gets splattered in the face with pie]
SpongeBob: [laughs] I hope I do as good as that guy.
Dougie Williams: [backstage] Man, those people will laugh at anything. Hey, don't sweat it kid, I got 'em all warmed up for ya.
Mr. Krabs: Put your fins together for SpongeBob SquarePants!
[SpongeBob walks out with a bow tie on.]
Sandy: Go get 'em, SpongeBob!
Patrick: [sitting at a table with Sandy] Whoo-hoo!
[SpongeBob gives them a thumbs-up.]
SpongeBob: Hey, hey, hey ladies and jellyfish, have you ever noticed salt shakers? I mean, you fill them up every night at closing, and I mean, where does it all go? Huh? You know what I mean?
[No one laughs. A cricket is heard chirping. Cut to a live-action clip of a cricket chirping.]
SpongeBob: And tomatoes -- what's the deal on those things? [chuckles weakly. Crowd is still silent] I mean, you chop them up into slices, but... [cut again to the cricket, this time as a still image.] What are they, vegetables or... fruit? And what does that make-ketchup? [chuckles weakly]
Fred: Oh, brother, this guy stinks!
Harold: [with an Australian accent] Hey, hey, funny guy! I've got a joke for you! What smells rotten and puts people to sleep?
SpongeBob: Um, noxious gas?
Harold: No! Your act!
[The entire audience laughs.]
SpongeBob: Did you ever notice how, uhh... [notices a fork on a table] ...forks, uhh...
Fred: Forks?! Come on!
[The crowd is booing at SpongeBob.]
SpongeBob: [thinking] Quick, SpongeBob, make a witty observation!
[SpongeBob looks around the crowd booing at him for material; even Patrick is booing.]
Patrick: Boo! Boo!
SpongeBob: [notices Sandy's teeth] Did you ever notice how...big squirrels' teeth are?
[The crowd chuckles.]
Incidental 92: That's true.
Sandy: Huh?
SpongeBob: I mean, hey, you could land a plane on those things!
[The crowd laughs more.]
SpongeBob: And what's up with that squirrel fur? I guess fleas need a home, too!
[The crowd laughs loud.]
Patrick: [laughing] Squirrel fur! [Sandy grins nervously]
SpongeBob: And they smell! But hey, you'd stink too if you spent three months [Southern accent] buried in dirt!
[Sandy laughs uneasily. The crowd laughs.]
SpongeBob: [laughs] [switches to regular voice] Hey, why does it take more than one squirrel to change a light bulb?
Fred: Why?
SpongeBob: Because, they're so darn stupid! [raises his right hand to punctuate the punchline of the joke]
[The crowd laughs.]
Patrick: [laughs loudly] Oh, that's a good one, eh, Sandy?
Sandy: [chuckles nervously] Uh, uh, yeah...
[The crowd cheers loudly and chants as SpongeBob walks behind the curtain where Mr. Krabs is waiting for him.]
Mr. Krabs: That was fantastic, boy! You really knocked 'em out! I think I'll do this joke night again with you as the headliner!
SpongeBob: I never thought I could be a headliner! Whatever that is.
Mr. Krabs: The headliner's the one who cleans up after the show. [hands SpongeBob a mop]
SpongeBob: Well, at least I don't have to clean up my act! [rimshot is played as he laughs]
Mr. Krabs: Stick with the squirrel jokes, boy. Now get busy! [walks off]
SpongeBob: Mops, mops, mops, what's up with those things? I mean, really. [walks up to Sandy] Oh, hey, Sandy!
Sandy: Howdy, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Did you like the show?
Sandy: Well, ac-actually, SpongeBob.....no. Those jokes are hurtful and you know it.
SpongeBob: [nudges Sandy with his elbow] Come on, Sandy, I was just joking. I mean, everybody knows that you're the smartest one in Bikini Bottom.
Sandy: Well, I can't argue with that.
SpongeBob: We all gotta laugh at ourselves once in a while. I do it all the time! [holds up a mirror and laughs excessively into it] [puts the mirror down] [holds the mirror back up, laughing hysterically into it, cutting Sandy off just as she tries to speak]
Sandy: [chuckles] You're right, SpongeBob. I was being a little too sensitive. [both hug] No hard feelings.
[The scene cuts to Sandy at Barg'N-Mart.]
Sandy: Okay, deodorant. Huh, let's see. Roll-on or stick?
[Fred and Suzy walk by. They gossip about Sandy behind her back.]
Fred: I think she should buy both. [laughs]
Sandy: Huh?
Scooter: Hey, look, guys! [seen with Morty and Incidental 28] [points at Sandy] It's the stupid squirrel!
Morty: I know, let's try and communicate with it.
Scooter, Morty and Incidental 28: Duh... [making funny faces, then walk off laughing]
Sandy: Hmph! [throws the deodorant into the cart, then walks up and stop in front of a little kid] Hello, little critter! What's your name?
Incidental 115: [grabs her child] Don't stand too close to a squirrel, Billy! You'll catch it's stupid! [walks off]
Billy: Okay, mom.
Sandy: Stupidity isn't a virus. But it sure is spreadin' like one!
[The scene cuts to the Komedy Krab where everyone is chanting for SpongeBob. SpongeBob is sitting at a desk preparing for his act.]
SpongeBob: La-la-la-la-la-la! Squirrely, squirrely, squirrely, squirrrrrel! Because they're stupid! Because they're stupid! [points in front of him]
Sandy: Hey, uhh, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Sandy.
Sandy: Um, I need to talk to you about them squirrel jokes.
SpongeBob: We already talked about that, remember? [looks in a mirror and laughs excessively]
Sandy: SpongeBob, this is serious. Since you've been telling them jokes, people have been treatin' me different.
[Patrick walks backstage.]
Patrick: SpongeBob, five minutes. [notices Sandy, then talks slowly] Hel-lo... Sandy. Me Patrick. Do you un-der-staaaand? [Sandy looks away] Squirrels. [walks off]
Sandy: Y-y-you see? That's what I'm talkin' about!
SpongeBob: Ah, that's just Patrick. He's just fooling around.
Sandy: I'm just askin' you as a friend, please lay off them squirrel jokes, okay? Tell some of them other jokes you got.
SpongeBob: [nervously] Other jokes? [imagines the fork joke] Bah! I got a million of them.
Sandy: [hugs SpongeBob] Thanks, SpongeBob, I knew you'd understand. [leaves backstage to her seat]
[The crowd is still chanting for SpongeBob.]
Mr. Krabs: Put your fins together for SpongeBob SquarePants!
[Everyone in the audience cheers as SpongeBob walks out.]
SpongeBob: Uhh, hi. [mic feedback] [chuckles nervously] Uhh, did you hear about the goldfish who went bankrupt? Now he's a bronze fish. [rimshot plays]
[The crowd is confused.] &quot;What?&quot; &quot;What did he say?&quot;
SpongeBob: I guess you heard that one.
Sandy: I haven't heard it! [chuckles] Good one, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Thank you, you're too kind. Hey, what about this water? I mean, this stuff's everywhere.
Patrick: Tell the one about the squirrel and the light bulbs!
SpongeBob: Er..e..Uhh... [takes out a big rubber chicken] Hey, what about this thing? Huh? Huh, huh?
Incidental 10: Get on with the squirrel jokes!
[The crowd chants &quot;squirrel jokes&quot; fifteen times.]
SpongeBob: [in his head] What do I do? What do I do? SpongeBob, you've got a choice to make. [looks at Sandy] Your friends... [looks at his microphone] ...or your career?
[After a second, he drops the microphone and everyone gasps. He walks backstage, then he jumps back on stage with hillbilly teeth.]
SpongeBob: [loudly] Howdy, y'all!
[The crowd cheers loudly.]
SpongeBob: [Southern accent] How come it takes more than one squirrel to screw in a light bulb?
All of the audience except Sandy: [yells in sync with SpongeBob] Because they're so darn stupid!
SpongeBob: [laughs as he walks around tooting a bicycle horn] My people! [Sandy gets angry] But seriously folks, I wanna give a special thanks to my friend, Sandy. [spotlight on Sandy as the two women around her giggle] Sandy, don't you see? The crowd loves these jokes. [to the audience] Am I right?! [the crowd cheers; to Sandy] Don't you see, Sandy? We're laughing with you, not at you! Do you understand now, Sandy? Huh, do ya?
Sandy: [deadpan] I understand exactly what's goin' on, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Great. I knew sooner or later you'd understand. What a great sport. [to the audience] Let's give a big hand to Sandy! But clap slow, because remember... She's a squirrel! [the crowd is cheering their loudest] Thank you! You've been a wonderful audience, and uhh, good night! [walks backstage] Ah... another spectacular performance, SpongeBob. [sees a note taped to his mirror] Oh, what's this, a fan letter?[takes the note off his mirror and reads it]
Sandy: [voiceover] You were right, SpongeBob! Those jokes are funny! Come on over to the treedome tomorrow and celebrate. Sandy.
SpongeBob: You did it, SpongeBob. You get to keep your career [points at his reflection] and your friends.
[The scene cuts to SpongeBob walking up to the Treedome with his water helmet on and flowers in his hands. He knocks on the door then sniffs the flowers as the water empties from the Treedome's front foyer.]
SpongeBob: I'm glad that Sandy can finally see the genius of my comedy.
[The door opens; SpongeBob presents the flowers with eyes closed.]
SpongeBob: Good morning, Sandy.
[SpongeBob opens his eyes and stares on in shock; Sandy is dressed as a hillbilly with flies floating around her.]
Sandy: Well, hoooow-deeeeeee!
SpongeBob: Sandy, are you feeling alright?
Sandy: I'm just bein' my own au-natu-rally squirrelly self! [licks her teeth with her tongue. SpongeBob laughs nervously] Well, come on in! Y'all must be tired from tellin' them funny jokes all the time. Why don't you take a load off? [pushes him onto a log with extra sticky glue on it]
SpongeBob: [notices the seat and tries to get off]Uhh, Sandy, I think something's wrong with this seat. [points at the log]
Sandy: Naw, [holds up a brush and a bucket of glue] I just done put glue on it so you wouldn't fall off. [gasps and grabs the flowers that SpongeBob was holding] Are them flowers for me?! You even done got me a vase! [takes SpongeBob's water helmet off his head]
SpongeBob: But, Sandy, that-that's not a... [Sandy places the flowers in the water helmet]
Sandy: Ain't that purdy?
SpongeBob: [shown already dried out] Sandy, I need wa...[points to his mouth]
Sandy: Oh, that's right! You's a sea critter! Now what was that thing sea critters need? Umm, uh... let's see, Sea critters need, uhh... [a big lump in her throat wiggles up and down]
SpongeBob: Wa...
Sandy: [covers SpongeBob's mouth] Oh, wait, don't tell me. I know this one!
SpongeBob: Wa...
Sandy: A wallet? A watch? Waffles?
SpongeBob: [hoarsely] Sandy! Water!
Sandy: Well, why didn't you just say so? [puts the end of a hose in SpongeBob's mouth] Here you go! Yup, us squirrels sure is stupid. [connects the other end of the hose to a pipe then turns it on. SpongeBob enlarges as more water enters into him]
SpongeBob: [muffled] Sandy!
Sandy: Dumb, dumb, dumb, squirrels is dumb.
SpongeBob: Sandy! Okay, Sandy, I get it!
Sandy: What's that? You want more? [connects to the end of the hose to a bigger pipe and turns it on sucking water out from the ocean] Okey-dokey! More water for the sea-critter!
[SpongeBob is still enlarging.]
SpongeBob: Okay, Sandy, okay! I get it! [he has filled up every inch of the Treedome] No more squirrel jokes.
[The scene cuts to the Komedy Krab where the crowd is chanting for SpongeBob again. SpongeBob, who has bandages on his face covering his wounds, goes on stage.]
SpongeBob: Thank you, thank you very much. Well, on my way over here, I ran into a squirrel. [Winks at Sandy. Cut to Patrick showing his excited smile, Sandy blinks with a smirk.] And I said, 'Hey, why don't you go get a couple of your squirrel friends and we'll go change a light bulb?'
[The crowd cheers.]
SpongeBob: But seriously folks, the only thing dumber than a squirrel is a sponge! [points at himself]
[The crowd is silent.]
SpongeBob: I mean, we're so dumb, we don't even have a vertebrae! [twists himself] Look at me! [bends left and right] I got no bones!
Incidental 92: That's true.
[The crowd laughs.]
SpongeBob: Crabs? Oh, brother. They're so cheap, [rubs his two fingers together] they can't even pay attention! [points to his head]
Mr. Krabs: [laughs] It's true, I am cheap!
SpongeBob: Now, let me tell you about those fish. Boy, are they smelly. [holds his nose shuts with his fingers] Whoo-hoo! How could a creature who spends so much time in the water smell so bad? I mean, really! [imitates a fish] Soap... soap... what is... soap?
[The crowd laughs more. SpongeBob and Sandy give each other a thumbs-up as the scene cuts to an outside view of the Krusty Krab.]
SpongeBob: And don't even get me started on starfish!
[The episode ends.]

==Episode 12==
===''Pressure'' [2.12a]===
:'''Sandy''': I'm a squirrel. See? ''[points to the acorn logo on her suit]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I thought that meant you were nuts.
:'''Sandy''': Nope. It means I'm a natural born climber! I'm from the surface world, and nothing prepares you for climbing like growing up on good old dry land.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Neptune preserve her!
:'''Squidward''': How long can she stay like that?
:'''SpongeBob''': I don't know.
:'''Patrick''': Sandy's a girl?
:'''SpongeBob''': Wow, Sandy. You sure provided us wrong. I guess land creatures are better. ''[bubbles rise from Sandy's lips]'' At least until they need to breathe... ''[he, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs chuckle while Sandy angrily squints one eye at them]'' Yep, won't be long now.
:'''Sandy''': ''[starts struggling to hold her breath]'' Mm?
:'''SpongeBob''': Feeling lightheaded yet?
:'''Sandy''': ''[shakes her head]'' Uh-uh.
:'''SpongeBob''': Remember this? ''[takes a deep breath in and out. Sandy is seen sweating profusely]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': It's free! ''[also takes a deep breath in and out]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sandy''': Oh, you mean for your chicken costumes?
:'''Patrick''': ''[holding and eating popcorn]'' Hey, we are not chicken! ''[drops his popcorn]'' Huh! My popcorn! ''[begins pecking at it like a chicken]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Yeah, we're not chicken, we'll do it. ''[looks at the water's surface and pokes his finger above the water]'' There! Mission accomplished!
:'''Sandy''': Look, unless you can stay above water for one measly minute, you forfeit the contest and prove that land creatures are better than sea creatures!
:'''SpongeBob''': No way, San-day. We can take on your challenge.
:'''All''': Yeah!
:'''SpongeBob''': We're sea creatures!
:'''All''': Yeah!
:'''SpongeBob''': Okay. Well, this is it.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Wait, boy! ''[gives him a glass of water]'' Make it last.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[drinks from it]'' Thanks, Mr. Krabs. Okay. Here I go! ''[the scene changes to live action as he gasps out of the water. He is now a real yellow kitchen sponge on a stick]'' Hey, this isn't so bad! We can do this! Hey, Patrick, come on up! The air is fine!
:'''Patrick''': I'm gonna do it quick and get it over with. Cannonball! ''[jumps out of the water. He is now a real pink starfish, missing his trunks, on a stick]'' Hey, I lost my trunks! Hi, SpongeBob!
:'''SpongeBob''': All right, Pat! You made it! Come on up, Mr. Krabs! Up here!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': All ashore that's going ashore, Mr. Squidward! Land ho! ''[runs up. He is a red rubber toy crab on a stick]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Looking good, Mr. Krabs!
:'''Patrick''': Yeah! Yeah, whoo-hoo!
:'''SpongeBob''': Come on, Squidward! You're missing all the dry. Come on, Squidward!
:'''All''': ''[chanting]'' Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!
:'''Squidward''': Well, l'll do it, but I won’t like it. ''[walks up. He is a puppet octopus with his eyes and big nose. All stop chanting]'' What?
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, here we are! ''[all four are walking on the island]''
:'''Squidward''': This is pretty easy!
:'''Patrick''': I may keep a second rock up here!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Once you get your land legs, it's not so bad!
:'''SpongeBob''': We're the masters of land and sea! ''[a string puppet seagull lands in front of him]'' Hey, it's a local. Hi! We're from underwater! Do you know Sandy Cheeks? ''[the seagull looks at screen]''
:'''Sandy''': Three, two, one. Well, tan my fur! They made it! Better go congratulate them! ''[walks onto the island. She is now a real plush squirrel toy with a small, round plastic helmet on her head]'' SpongeBob? Patrick? Hmm, where do those critters get to? ''[sees the seagulls attacking all four of them; one of them is trying to eat Patrick, while the other is chasing SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward]'' ''[gasps]'' Holy guacamole! You can't eat my friends, you rats with wings! Hiyah! ''[attacks the birds offscreen and feathers start flying. All five sink back down to the seabed, with Squidward upside-down]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Uh, thanks for saving us, Sandy.
:'''Sandy''': You know, everyone's best at things.
:'''SpongeBob''': But no one's best at everything. Sorry I made you take off your helmet, Sandy.
:'''Sandy''': Sorry I made you go up on dry land, SpongeBob.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Three cheers for feeling sorry for us! Hip hip...
:'''All''': Hooray!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Hip hip...
:'''All''': Hooray!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Hip hip...
:'''Seagulls''': ''[lying injured on the island with their feathers missing]'' Hooray!

===''[[w:The Smoking Peanut|The Smoking Peanut]]'' [2.12b]===
:'''Zoo Worker 1''': What's wrong with Clamu?
:'''Joe''': Easy, girl! It's me, Joe! Remember?
:''[Clamu snarls as if it sounds like a belch and uses her tongue to throw Joe out of Oyster Stadium. Patrick and a nervous SpongeBob wait at the stands]''
:'''Patrick''':  Now, this is a show!
:''[Outside...]''
:'''Announcer''': Attention, zoo patrons! Clamu, the giant oyster is on an emotional rampage! Please scream and run around in circles. ''[everybody does that]'' Thanks for coming.
:''[In the stadium, Clamu is still smashing things and making snarling belch noises. The zoo worker goes up to SpongeBob and Patrick]''
:'''Zoo Worker 1''': You boys better get out of this area, pronto! There's nothing more dangerous than an emotionalm ppppply disturbed oyster. ''[points at SpongeBob]'' You didn't do anything that might have caused this horrible tragedy, did you?
:'''SpongeBob''': Uh...
:'''Patrick''':  No way! Only a jerk would upset a gentle giant. Right, SpongeBob?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[hides the peanut bag]'' Right. ''[lets out a nervous shriek]''
:''[Clamu chomps on a piece of metal. Cut to Patrick and SpongeBob leaving the zoo]''
:'''Patrick''': If I saw that guy, I'd have a few choice words for him. Like &quot;you&quot; and &quot;are&quot;, and...&quot;a jerk&quot;!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': Aw, what am I getting so worked up about? I'm sure that by tomorrow, this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory. ''[giggles]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Patrick''': This is it! All of the clues are coming together. I followed these footprints right to this exact spot, and then, right where you're standing, I found this bag of peanuts! Ha! Oh, I'm so close to solving this crime, I can almost taste it. ''[zoom in on Patrick seemingly licking SpongeBob's head. Zoom out to reveal that he is actually licking a yellow ice cream pop]'' Boy, crime fighting sure makes me hungry, and this yellow Popsicle hits the spot.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Zoo Worker 1''': Mr. Krabs has stolen a very important item from the oyster. [rips off Mr. Krabs' clothes by accident] Behold! ''[the crowd gets disgusted]'' Wait a minute... ''[reveals Clamu's pearl]'' Behold! The oyster's pearl! ''[the crowd gasps in shock; the zoo worker then gives the pearl to Clamu]'' Here you go, girl.
:''[Clamu sniffs her pearl and the crowd cheers. But suddenly, the pearl starts to crack. And to everyone's amazement, it hatches into a baby oyster]''
:'''Baby Oyster''': Mama. Mama.
:'''SpongeBob''': Mother of pearl! The oyster's a mother! And that pearl's no pearl, it's an egg!
:'''Baby Oyster''': Mama.
:''[The baby oyster and Clamu embrace each other]''
:'''All''': Awww... ''[they glare at Mr. Krabs]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''':  But it's Free Day!
:''[The crowd boos as they throw peanuts at Mr. Krabs, burying him, thus ending the episode]''

==Episode 13==
===''Shanghaied'' [2.13a]===
:'''Patchy''': [''to telephone''] No, not now! Don't call 'til I tell you to! Roll the cartoon! Now, remember to vote at the end because...

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward climb the anchor rope.]''
:'''Narrator''': A few inches later...
:'''Spongebob:''' ''[Points upward]'' Look! 
:'''Patrick:''' [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shipping_(fandom) SpongeBob, how long are you going to stay in your little fantasy world?] 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dutchman''': I’ve been thinkin'. ''[they both stop]'' This whole crew for eternity thing isn't working out...It's not really you so much as it is me.
:'''SpongeBob''': You're setting us free?
:'''Dutchman''': Well actually, I'm just gonna eat you. See you at dinner. ''[leaves]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Squidward''': Boy, I'm glad all that's over!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Random Voice''': All hands, all hands! Time to vote! It's voting time!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Patchy''': [''saddened''] Hold on! [''blows his nose''] Sorry about that, kids! It's just that old Patchy can't help but get all choked up at the end of a show; but the good news is when you watch this cartoon land-lubbing style like you usually do, it'll have the ending you picked, so now you're an official big time decision maker! [''cues some monkeys playing instruments at the zoo in greyscale''] Just don't let it go to your head. Well, say good night to the folks, Potty! Potty?
:'''Potty''': [''with suit and briefcase''] I quit!

===''Gary Takes a Bath'' [2.13b]===
:''[SpongeBob, in his attempt to get Gary to bathe, tries hypnotizing him]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I am now going to assault your mind with subliminal messages. ''[images of a bathtub, a shower, a bar of soap, and then a picture of a girl with pigtails and crooked teeth appear]'' ''[walking away]'' Sorry you had to see that.

==Episode 14==
===''[[w:Welcome to the Chum Bucket|Welcome to the Chum Bucket]]'' [2.14a]===
:'''SpongeBob''': Plankton?! ''[Plankton appears in an imagine bubble]'' But Mr. Krabs, he’s your arch enemy, he's been trying to steal the Krabby Patty Formula for years. ''[swats Plankton]''
:'''Plankton''': Ouch.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Cut to the morning where Mr. Krabs walks to work crying, and SpongeBob walks in laughing.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Takin' him to the cleaners! That's a hot one! ''[Mr. Krabs leans against the Krusty Krab doors]'' How'd the card game go last night, Mr. Krabs?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I lost.
:'''SpongeBob''': Barnacles, Mr. Krabs! How much money did ya lose?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I didn't lose any money. ''[sheds away a tear]'' I lost...
:'''SpongeBob''': Don't tell me you lost the Krusty Krab!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I lost... ''[SpongeBob grabs him]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs, please tell me you didn't lose the... ''Krabby Patty secret formula''!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I... lost... ''[points to SpongeBob]'' YOU!
:'''SpongeBob''': What?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I bet your contract, and I lost.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[stares blankly, then laughs]'' Good one, Mr. Krabs. Well, I gotta go make those Krabby Patties. ''[begins to walk to the door, but Mr. Krabs' claw stops him. After continually walking and getting nowhere, he falls to the floor]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I'm afraid... you don't work here anymore.
:'''Squidward''': ''[runs out the door to the two]'' Please tell me this isn't a joke.
:'''SpongeBob''': Go on, Mr. Krabs. Tell him. Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke. 
:'''Plankton''': ''[walks over]'' As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, I'm afraid he's not joking. ''[points at SpongeBob]'' You work for me now, SpongeBob. ''[whips out a bucket with the initials &quot;CB&quot; on it]'' Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet. ''[jumps onto SpongeBob's head, kicks off the Krusty Krew hat and puts the bucket on his head. SpongeBob screams and runs to Mr. Krabs while knocking Plankton and the bucket off his head]''
:'''SpongeBob''': But Mr. Krabs, I don't wanna work for him! ''[tugs at Krabs' shirt collar]'' I wanna work for you, here at the Krusty Krab! ''[he and Krabs start crying loudly and hug]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I'm sorry, boy! It's all my fault!
:'''Plankton''': ''[pretending to sound genuinely sad]'' What kind of cold, heartless person would break apart such a loving relationship? ''[whips out a crowbar]'' I would! ''[jumps up and uses the crowbar to pry SpongeBob off Krabs. SpongeBob goes flying with Mr. Krabs' arms still clung to him]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': SpongeBob!
:'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs! ''[slams into a cage and Krabs' arms fly off him. Plankton walks over and shuts the door]''
:'''Plankton''': This is your greatest blunder, Krabs. For fifteen years, I've been throwin' those card games just waitin' for you to slip up. I may not have the precious Krabby Patty formula, but I've got the next best thing: the guy who makes 'em! ''[a propeller emerges from the cage]'' I'm gonna run you out of business, Krabs. ''[the propeller spins and pilots SpongeBob into the Chum Bucket]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': SpongeBob! ''[cries and then stops]'' Can I have my arms back? ''[Plankton walks over and throws the arms on Krabs' head.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Plankton''': What is he doing? All these tears... and the showtunes? Why isn't he making the patties? Forget it. I'm going with plan B, I'll put his brain in the robot chef.
:'''Karen''': You know that never works! The answer is obvious: to get to the SpongeBob, you must show him compassion and understanding, then he'll give you what you want.
:'''Plankton''': Will you be quiet? I'm thinking! I've got it! To get to the SpongeBob, I'll show him compassion and understanding, then he'll give me what I want.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Plankton''': I put the brain in the robot, you know. You shouldn't have been a spoiled brat. You see, I always get what I want. And I want you to make me a Krabby Patty!
:'''Robot SpongeBob''': ''[turning on]'' Bee-beep-doodle-le-dee-doo... ''RESPONSE - WHY DON'T YOU ASK ME LATER?''
:'''Plankton''': What? '''''WHAT?!'''''
:'''Robot SpongeBob''': ''GET WELDED.''
:'''Plankton''': ''WAIT!'' '''''I COMMAND YOU MAKE ME A KRABBY PATTY!'''''
:'''Robot SpongeBob''': ''[while reading some comics and takes a drink from his soda] I DON'T WANNA.''
:''[Plankton yells loudest out of madness and decides to give up]''

===''Frankendoodle'' [2.14b]===
:'''Artist''': ''[finds out the pencil slipped out of his hand and lands in the water]'' My pencil!
:'''French Narrator''': The artist has learned the first lesson of the sea: Always bring a spare pencil.
:'''Artist''': No!
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Three!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[SpongeBob draws a jellyfish in the ground with the giant pencil]''
:'''SpongeBob''': It's a jellyfish!
:'''Patrick''': Pretty good, SpongeBob, but its lacking basic construction, and your perspective leaves a lot to be desired.
:'''SpongeBob''': Huh! Everybody's a critic.
:'''Patrick''': ''[notices the jellyfish drawing is coming to life]'' SpongeBob! Your drawing's coming to life!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[oblivious]'' Now, that's more like it, Mr. Critic!
:'''Patrick''': ''[pointing to the jellyfish]'' No, I mean it's swimming away!
:'''SpongeBob''': Do you know what this means, Patrick?
:'''Patrick''': Your art can never hang in a museum.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[SpongeBob and Patrick fell into a hole drawn by DoodleBob]''
:'''Patrick''': What just happened?
:'''DoodleBob''': ''[speaking gibberish]'' Me, hoy minoy! Neyoyoyminoy, ladyonmamoy!
:'''SpongeBob''': Come on, Patrick! Give me a boost up!
:'''Patrick''': Can't we just stay down here where it's safe?..
:'''SpongeBob''': No way. I created this monster and I've got to stop him.
:''[A wrench drawn by DoodleBob falls on Patrick's head, making him dizzy]''
:'''DoodleBob''': Neofineyin!
:'''SpongeBob''': See what I mean, Patrick?
:'''Patrick''': ''[dazed]'' Where's the leak, ma'am? 
:''[Both try to climb up the hole, but they watch DoodleBob as he draws a bowling ball from a rock. He rolls it at Patrick, whose head turns into a bowling pin in shock]'' YAAAAAH...! ''[the bowling ball hits Patrick, transforming him into several pins. A &quot;strike&quot; symbol appears. The ball later rolls into the hole, hitting Patrick again. Another &quot;strike&quot; symbol appears for a double]''
:'''SpongeBob''': You okay, Patrick?
:'''Patrick''': ''[offscreen]'' '''''FINLAND!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Patrick''': Hey, SpongeBob, what's with all the ruckus?
:'''SpongeBob''': Take a look for yourself, Patrick.
:''[Patrick sees the picture of DoodleBob on the wall and gasps]''
:'''Patrick''': It's the evil doodle!
:'''SpongeBob''': No, no, not evil. He was just a two-dimensional creature lost in our three-dimensional aquatic world longing for a purpose.
:'''Patrick''': So, he's a drawing?
:'''SpongeBob''': Exactly! See how happy he is?
:'''Patrick''': He still looks kind of creepy.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[on a diving board with the pencil]'' Oh, great Magic Pencil, your powers are too mighty for us ocean dwellers. So I will send you back to the magic kingdom from where you came. Are you ready, Patrick?
:'''Patrick''': Ready!
:''[SpongeBob drops the pencil into Patrick's mouth. SpongeBob jumps from the diving board and onto Patrick's belly, launching the pencil out of his mouth and back up to the surface. In the real world, the artist from earlier is curled up in a fetal position]''
:'''French Narrator''': We rejoin the artist in a creative slump.
:'''Artist''': ''[the pencil reaches the surface and lands on him]'' Huh, what's... what's this? ''[jumps up and holds his pencil in joy]'' My pencil! ''[tries to draw, but unfortunately, the pencil lead breaks]''
:'''French Narrator''': The second most important rule for the artist at sea: Always bring a pencil sharpener.
:'''Artist''': ''[starts to cry]'' No!

==Episode 15==
===''The Secret Box'' [2.15a]===
SpongeBob: [as he runs to Patrick's rock] Patrick! Patrick! Oh, Patrick! Are you ready to go jellyfishing? [Patrick comes out of his rock with a box, doing an acrobatic trick]
Patrick: Oh, boy, am I!
SpongeBob: Here's your net. [Patrick glances at his box] Well, come on, Patrick! The jellyfish don't catch themselves.
Patrick: First, I have to put away my secret box.
SpongeBob: Secret box? You never told me about your... secret box! [tries to peek in the box, but Patrick pulls it away]
Patrick: Hey, hands off, PeepingBob! This here is my secret box! Besides, if I showed you what was inside, it wouldn't be a secret anymore. Duh! [opens the box, laughs at it, and shuts it as SpongeBob tries to peek it] Oh, SpongeBob... if only you could see what's inside my secret box, it would change your life! [SpongeBob gets behind Patrick to see what's inside the box, but Patrick holds it to himself]
SpongeBob: It's okay, Patrick, I know all about secrets.
Patrick: You do?
SpongeBob: I've got a gazillion secrets!
Patrick: Like what?
SpongeBob: Well, it's no secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets. Secretly. [Patrick drools as the top of his head has lightning bolts coming out of it, showing that he couldn't understand the whole sentence]
SpongeBob: You wanna hear one of my secrets?
Patrick: Do I?
SpongeBob: Uhh... Let's see... [runs up to Patrick] Did you know that you're my best friend? [runs away]
Patrick: No... way. Oh, let's hear another one!
SpongeBob: Okay. Uhh... Secretly... I'm a little bit naïve.
Patrick: Wow! I'll never look at you the same way again, SpongeBob. Gosh. [SpongeBob clears his throat and taps on Patrick's box] Tell me some more secrets!
SpongeBob: Okay. I love my job at the Krusty Krab, I sleep with my shoes on, I like jelly on both sides of my toast, I've got an overdue library book, I think jellyfishing and bubble-blowing are the sea bee's knees... [transition to SpongeBob still telling secrets as Patrick lays his head on the box] ...I have a slight overbite. I've never been late for work, I've said the word &quot;fancy&quot; in conversation, I like to dance to loading zone announcements, I still don't have my driver's license. I'm a little bit on the short side. And I'm wearing three pairs of underwear, right now. [he shows his three pairs of underwear to Patrick]
Patrick: Gasp. I never would have guessed.
SpongeBob: Now will you show me what's inside your secret box?
Patrick: No, SpongeBob! It's for me to know and for you to never find out. You may be an open book, SpongeBob, but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma. [imagines a carton of milk spilling itself]
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah?! Well, I got plenty of secret stuff, too! Uh... [close-up of SpongeBob's socks] I've got my secret socks on. [runs away and comes back with Gary's bowl] And my secret Gary's bowl! [runs away then comes back, pushing his television] My secret TV! [turns on the TV] And my secret TV channel. [the TV shows an off-air color bars screen] What do you think of that, Patrick? Patrick?
Patrick: [giggles, then laughs loudly after a gander at the box and then stops to breathe. Then he looks again and laughs even harder and hysterically. Then he stops to breathe] Maybe if you saw what was inside, you'd know why it has to be secret. [shows the box to SpongeBob] Inside this very box is the most secret-y secret of all of secret-dom and I am its sole witness! It's a heavy burden, SpongeBob, but nobody must know the mystery of the box. [SpongeBob tries to peek inside the box, but Patrick slams it shut] Nobody! Not even... Squidward's house. [scene zooms out to show Squidward's Tiki Head home looking down at SpongeBob and Patrick, who notice this before it goes back to normal] It's a full-time job. I'm constantly on the alert. You never know when someone's gonna... [gasps when he finds out his box is gone. The scene cuts to a laughing SpongeBob running with Patrick's secret box, but then he bumps into Patrick's belly] SpongeBob, what do you think you're doing?! That's my secret box! Now, hand it over!
SpongeBob: [struggles with Patrick on the box] But, Patrick, I must know the secret!
Patrick: [struggles with SpongeBob on the box] For the last time, SpongeBob, no!
SpongeBob: Come on, just a peek?
Patrick: Never! [SpongeBob and Patrick strain as they fight over the box. Eventually, SpongeBob's arms pop off and he gasps] So, it's come to this. And to think that we joined the Best Friends Forever Club! [shows his finger with the ring on it and then the camera zooms in on the ring. He grabs one of SpongeBob's arms and points it at SpongeBob] Listen up, SpongeBob SecretStealerPants! [as he pokes SpongeBob's nose with his arm] If you ever come near my secret box again, we won't be friends anymore!
SpongeBob: But... we're supposed to be... [his eyes get big and sad] friends forever. [flashback to SpongeBob and Patrick as babies in a crib laughing, then we see them as kids riding on a bike, then as they are now, riding a bike, then as older men in rocking chairs, then we see a shot of two gravestones with their names and we hear SpongeBob and Patrick still laughing, but they are buried. The flashback ends.] I feel so filthy! [starts to cry] I have soiled our friendship garden! I just couldn't help myself! [jumps on Patrick] I know it's your secret! I promise to respect that! Oh, please forgive me, Patrick! Please!
Patrick: Well... I guess it's not all your fault. After all, this is a pretty great secret. I mean, how could you resist the greatest secret ever? [we see a close-up of Patrick's box] The most amazing... [as he sticks the box in SpongeBob's eyes, the eyes pop out of him and then back in] mysterious... powerful secret in all Bikini Bottom. [his eyes are glued to the box for a moment, and then goes back to him]
SpongeBob: So, what do you say, buddy? Friends?
Patrick: Friends. [they shake hands. Cuts to a night view of SpongeBob's house, then inside as SpongeBob talks]
SpongeBob: What could be in that box that Patrick doesn't want me to see? Maybe it's the world's only albino jellyfish... [slides down in his bed] or maybe Patrick's a master jewel thief and it's full of diamonds. [sits up] Or maybe Patrick's a deranged maniac who keeps his victims' severed heads in a box! [hides himself in the blanket and shivers] Or even worse... Maybe it's an embarrassing snapshot of me from the Christmas party! [screams, then hurls himself towards the bedroom window] I'm gonna find out what's in that secret box! I'm not gonna rest till I do! [SpongeBob's face pops off and sticks onto his back] That's it! How do you look into a secret box? [jumps off the window] Secretly, of course; I'll just take the box while Patrick's sleeping, look inside, and before Patrick even has time to notice, I'll slide it back. [turns around to show only his nose, then turns back around] Patrick won't know, and I'll have my own little secret! Good idea, eh, Gary? [Gary narrows his eyes]
Gary: Meeh-No. [cut to the outside]
SpongeBob: Oh, what do you know? You're a snail!
[SpongeBob sneaks over to Patrick's house, and stealthily presses his back against it. He puts on gloves, then slips a stocking over his head, momentarily changing it to a woman's leg, before changing back to normal. He slides upwards over the rock, splitting in two passing through the weather vane on top, then slip through the rock. He then lands and notices Patrick. He then screams gibberish, drools and SpongeBob hides behind the portrait of SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob then peeks and then the wall starts to crack. Patrick mumbles, the wall breaks even more and then the nail falls off. He then grabs the nail with his foot and puts it back.]
Patrick: [as the camera zooms in on the box] Seee... cret.
SpongeBob: [thinking] I got to be more quiet. I don't want to wake Patrick up. [slides down the wall from the portrait and makes a loud noise upon touching the floor. Patrick stretches and then goes back to sleep. SpongeBob then lifts his leg and then Patrick makes another noise. He then tosses himself over on the bed. SpongeBob puts his leg down, which makes a loud booming noise]
Patrick: Duh... who's there? [mumbles then goes back to sleep.]
SpongeBob: [talking to his foot] Shhh! [steps on a potato chip and makes a broken glass sound]
Patrick: Eh?! [gibberish] Who's that?! [Patrick is back asleep. SpongeBob sweeps his sweat drops off him and they land, causing a loud splash sound.] Mmm... water. [licks his mouth dry, then tosses himself on the bed. SpongeBob takes another step and makes an &quot;Aooowga!&quot; noise. He then steps again, making a loud machine gun noise. Steps again, making the sound of an elephant. He then stretches his leg near the side of the bed, which sounds like a speeding car, then takes the step, making the noise of a car crash. He then peeks above Patrick to see the box. He gets ready to reach for the box, but Patrick takes the box before SpongeBob could grab it. He then slides onto Patrick, grabbing the box] Good old secret box. Let's see what's inside. [opens SpongeBob's mouth and pulls out his tongue, then laughs and lets go of his tongue] Nighty-night, boxie. [puts SpongeBob on the side of the bed. SpongeBob gets off the bed and then trips on a shoestring, causing him to bounce around Patrick's house, making a lot of loud noises (like a horse whinnying, a cow mooing, a chicken clucking, and a seal barking) until his head hits the wall, causing the portrait to fall off the wall, hitting him in the head, breaking the portrait in half. The box then lands on SpongeBob's lap and makes a loud noise. The scene cuts back to Patrick, who, despite all the noise, continues to sleep.]
SpongeBob: Gee, Patrick sure is a heavy sleeper. [Patrick wakes up]
Patrick: Huh? Who said that?! Who's there?!
SpongeBob: Uh...
Patrick: It's the Clam Burglar! And he's stealing my secret box! [runs up to SpongeBob] Hand over the goods, Secret Box Bandit, and prepare for the most unpleasant pillow fight of your life! [readies his pillow like a shotgun, ready to attack him]
SpongeBob: Wait, wait, wait, Patrick! Stop! [takes off his mask] It's me, SpongeBob!
Patrick: [stares at him while clueless] Nice try, burglar, but SpongeBob's my best friend, and he'd never steal from me.
SpongeBob: No, really, Patrick! Look! [Patrick gasps. SpongeBob presses a button on the ring]
SpongeBob and Patrick BFF Ring: It's the Best Friends Forever, Best Friends Forever Ring!
Patrick: Our friendship ring! It is you! [crying as he covers his face with his pillow] How could you do this?!
SpongeBob: If it makes you feel any better, I haven't looked inside. [throws the pillow away and snatches the box out of SpongeBob's hands]
Patrick: [with a tear coming out of his eye] That's it, SpongeBob! You have crossed the line. As of right now, this friendship is over!
SpongeBob: [gasps and tears up himself] Really?
Patrick: Nah, you can look inside it if you really want to.
SpongeBob: Okay! Oh, this is one of the most exciting moments of my life! Well, here it goes! [he lifts the lid off the box] Huh?
Patrick: Well, didn't I tell ya? [we see a string inside the box] Isn't it great?
SpongeBob: It's just a string.
Patrick: A secret string!
SpongeBob: Boy, when you're right, you're right! That's some secret box you've got there! Yeah! Thanks for showing me that. [puts the lid back on the box] Well, good night, Patrick. See you tomorrow.
Patrick: Good night, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob pops out of Patrick's house]
SpongeBob: I should've known! It was just a piece of string all along! [laughs] Wait till I tell Gary!
Patrick: [laughs menacingly] Good thing he didn't pull the secret string, opening the... [a secret compartment opens] ...secret compartment of my secret box... [takes out a photo] ...revealing one embarrassing snapshot of SpongeBob at that Christmas Party! [laughing while cut to the Bikini Atoll] Merry Christmas, SpongeBob! [laughs again as the screen fades to black, ending the episode]

===''Band Geeks'' [2.15b]===
:''[The episode begins at Squidward's house. Music is heard, which turns out to be Squidward playing his clarinet, until the doorbell rings. The snail doctor is at the door with Incidental 26.]''
:'''Snail doctor''': Yeah, uh, we're with the pet hospital down the street, and I understand you have a dying animal on the premises.
:''[Squidward slams the door shut. The phone rings, and Squidward picks up.]''
:'''Squidward''': Hello, you've reached the house of unrecognized talent. Please start after the... ''[plays a note on his clarinet]''
:'''Squilliam Fancyson''': Sounds as though you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh, old chum?
:'''Squidward''': ''[gasps]'' Squilliam Fancyson from band class?!
Squilliam: I hear you're playing the cash register now.
Squidward: [stutters] Sometimes. Uh... How's the unibrow?
Squilliam: [waves his unibrow] It's big and valuable. I'm the leader of a big, fancy band now, and we're supposed to play at the Bubble Bowl next week.
Squidward: The buh-buh-buh... The buh-buh-buh... The buh-buh-buh...?!
Squilliam: That's right. I'm living your dreams, Squidward. The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it. So, I was hoping you and your band could cover for us.
Squidward: Oh, uh, [stutters] I, uhh...
Squilliam: [scoffs] I knew it! You don't even have a band. Well, I'll just let you get back to the service industry now.
Squidward: Hold it! It just so happens that I don't sell fast food, I do have a band, and we're gonna play that Bubble Bowl! How do you like that, fancy boy?
Squilliam: Good luck next Tuesday. I hope the audience brings lots of... ibuprofen.
[Squilliam and Squidward hang up the phones.]
Squidward: I've got to drum up a marching band fast! Drum... [chuckles] band humor...
[Bubble transition to Sandy. In the following lines, Sandy, Plankton, Mrs. Puff, Mr. Krabs, and Larry are reading from a poster. Each are in different locations; from a pole, to a bakery window, to Larry's shower.]
Sandy: &quot;Looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?&quot;
Plankton: &quot;Then become part of the greatest musical sensation ever to hit Bikini Bottom...&quot;
Mrs. Puff: &quot;...and be forever adored by thousands of people you don't know.&quot;
Mr. Krabs: &quot;Not to mention... free refreshments!&quot;
Larry: &quot;Practice begins tonight, 8:30 sharp.&quot;
[Transition to Squidward looking at his watch, which reads 8:35, while driving a shell cart. There are boxes of musical instruments, sheet music, and marching uniforms crammed in the back seat.]
Squidward: Stupid music rental clerk made me late! That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow. Heh, elbow, heh... more band humor.
[The scene cuts to inside the room, where everyone is there holding instruments and literally saying &quot;blah, blah, blah&quot; amongst themselves as Squidward enters. He walks to the front of the room.]
All: Blah, blah, blah...
Squidward: People, people, settle down! [The room quiets down.] Okay, now. How many of you have played musical instruments before?
Plankton: [holding a triangle; raises hand] Do instruments of torture count?
Squidward: No.
Patrick: [holding a trombone; raises hand] Is mayonnaise an instrument?
Squidward: No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. [Patrick raises his hand again] Horseradish is not an instrument, either. [Patrick lowers his hand] That's fine, no one has any experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you!
[Squidward slaps his knee and laughs. Everyone stays silent.]
Mr. Krabs: When do we get the free food?
Squidward: Okay, try to repeat after me. [plays a six-note scale on his clarinet] Brass section, go. [brass section repeats badly] Good! Now the wind. [wind section repeats badly] And the drums! [The drumers blow on their sticks, which shoot out of their mouths and pin Squidward to the wall.] Too bad that didn't kill me.
[Bubble transition to later.]
Squidward: Let's just try stepping in rhythm. Now, I want everyone to stand in straight rows of five.
SpongeBob: [raises hand] Is this the part where we start kicking?
Squidward: No, SpongeBob, that's a chorus line.
Patrick: Kicking? I wanna do some kicking! [kicks Sandy in the leg]
Sandy: Why, you... Why, I oughta--! [Sandy jumps on Patrick and starts beating him up until they both roll outside. The doors slam shut.]
[Outside, Patrick wails in agony. Everyone stares in silence, then Patrick sticks his head back in.]
Patrick: Whoever's the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on.
[Patrick walks in and it is revealed that Sandy has stuck his body into a trombone, with his head sticking out of the bell. As Patrick walks back to his seat, the trombone toots with each step. As he sits, he lets out a long note.]
French Narrator: Day two.
[The scene shows the band marching down a street while playing badly.]
Squidward: Okay, that's perfect, everybody! Bubble Bowl, here we come! Flag twirlers, really spin those things! Okay, turn! Flag twirlers, let's go, I wanna see some spinning! Flag twirlers, let's move! Come on! Move!
[The flag twirlers spin so hard that they take off into the sky and crash into a blimp, which causes an explosion. Incidental 41 plays Taps on his trumpet while everyone mourns, except Squidward, who lies down on the ground and curls into a fetal position.]
French Narrator: Day three.
Squidward: How's that harmonica solo coming, Plankton?
Plankton: It's tremendous! You wanna see?
[Plankton plays the harmonica by running to and from the individual holes. Soon runs out of breath; on his way to the last note, he pants as he trudges toward it. He blows an unsuccessful last raspberry into the harmonica and collapses.]
French Narrator: Day four.
Squidward: Well, this is our last night together before the show! And I know that you haven't improved since we began... [Patrick chews on a trumpet.] But, I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna act smart, right?
Plankton: [loudly] Correct!
Squidward: So, if we play loud, people might think we're good! Everybody ready? [The room grins as they raise their instruments.] And a-one, and a-two, and-a one, two, three, four!
[The screen cuts to the outside of the music room as a blast of noise ensues, shattering the windows. Cut back inside, where Squidward's face is deformed beyond recognition and his shirt has been ripped. The top half of his baton snaps off.]
Squidward: Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.
Harold: Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big, meaty claws!
Mr. Krabs: What did you say, punk?
Harold: [loudly] Big... meaty... claws!
Mr. Krabs: [raising fists] Well, these claws ain't for just attractin' mates!
Harold: Bring it on, old man! Bring it on!
SpongeBob: [stands between them] No, people. Let's be smart and bring it &quot;off&quot;.
Suzy: Oh, so now the talking cheese is gonna preach to us?
Squidward: Wait, wait! I know tensions are high...
[Every band member gets into a brawl. Incidental 106 and Larry are yelling at each other, Incidental 13 breaks a drum over Incidental 106's body.]
Squidward: There's a deposit on that equipment, people!
[Every band member uses their instruments as weapons. Mr. Krabs and Harold charge at each other using their instruments as lances; Mrs. Puff slams them both with her cymbals.]
Squidward: Settle down, please!
[Sandy and Incidental 42 are fighting; Sandy breaks the bars off of Incidental 42's xylophone, who runs away. Patrick kicks Sandy again, who growls at him before producing a trumpet with an evil grin. Patrick runs away screaming as Sandy chases him. The scene cuts to the clock, which changes to 10 o'clock, and everyone immediately stops fighting.]
Fred: Hey, class is over.
All: [within the crowd, now friendly] Okay, yeah, see ya tomorrow... That was good... Say, what are you doing after...?
[The band members walk to the door; Squidward slams it open and stands before them.]
Squidward: Well, you did it. You took my one chance at happiness... and crushed it. Crushed it into little, tiny, bite-size pieces! I really had expected better of you people. I guess I'm a loser for that, too. Don't bother showing up tomorrow... I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident. So, thanks! [cries] Thanks for nothing! [leaves]
Patrick: You're welcome.
SpongeBob: What kind of monsters are we? That poor creature came to us in his hour of need, and we failed him. Squidward's always been there for us when it was convenient for him. Evelyn, when your little Jimmy was trapped in a fire, who rescued him?
Evelyn: A fireman.
SpongeBob: And Larry, when your heart gave out from all those tanning pills, who revived you?
Larry: Some guy in an ambulance.
SpongeBob: Right! So if we all could just pretend that Squidward was a fireman, or some guy in an ambulance, then I'm sure we could all pull together and discover what it truly means... to be in a marching band.
Harold: Yeah, for the fireman!
[Everyone cheers.]
SpongeBob: Now let's make Squidward proud. [raises baton] A-one, a-two, a skiddly-diddly-doo!
[Bubble transition to the Bubble Bowl entrance.]
Squidward: I knew this was going to happen. They're just gonna have to find another band to play. I just hope that... [zooms out to reveal Squilliam is there] ...Squilliam doesn't find out! Squilliam! [screams] What are you doing here?!
Squilliam: [laughs] I just wanted to watch you blow it. So, where's your band?
Squidward: Uh... they couldn't come. They... died.
Squilliam: Then who's that? [points to SpongeBob and the rest of the band]
Squidward: [screams; his eyes pop out] That would be my band!
SpongeBob: We're ready to perform, Squidward!
Squilliam: Well, Squiddy, this is exactly how I pictured your band would look.
[Cut to SpongeBob dancing cheerfully.]
Squidward: That's his... eager face.
[Squilliam laughs as Squidward and his band move past him and enter the Bubble Bowl. Squilliam soon enters behind them.]
Squidward: I guess this will be the last time I can show my face in this town...
SpongeBob: That's the spirit, Squidward!
[The camera cuts to an American football stadium.]
Announcer: Okay, football fans, put your hands together for the Bikini Bottom Super Band!
[The band rises out of the ground. A crowd of live-action people waving towels and cheering is shown.]
Patrick: These are some ugly looking fish.
SpongeBob: Maybe we're near one of those toxic waste dumps.
Mr. Krabs: I think I'm gonna be sick...
Squidward: [nervously] Okay, everybody... [glances at Squilliam, who grins smugly] Let's get this over with. One, two, three... [flinches] four...
[The band's horn section plays a perfectly clean fanfare. Squidward opens his eyes, shocked. Plankton plays the opening notes of &quot;Sweet Victory&quot; on a keyboard. The band separates to reveal SpongeBob as the lights dim.]
[SpongeBob begins singing, with the voice of David Glen Eisley:]
♪ The winner takes all ♪
♪ It's the thrill of one more kill ♪
♪ The last one to fall ♪
♪ Will never sacrifice their will ♪
[Patrick plays a drum fill as the rest of the band comes in, pyrotechnics and aerial lasers going off.]
♪ Don't ever look back on the world closing in ♪
♪ Be on the attack with your wings on the wind ♪
♪ Oh, the games will begin ♪
[The crowd is shown waving lighters with the music. Squilliam stares in shock as Squidward grins at him. He throws his baton behind him and points with both arms, no longer concerned with conducting.]
♪ And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah ♪
[Multiple band members are shown playing and singing along: Sandy on guitar, Mr. Krabs on keytar, and Plankton providing backup vocals. Squidward, meanwhile, gestures emotionally along with the music.]
♪ And it's ours for the taking, it's ours for the fight ♪
[Squilliam clutches his chest and faints, his eyes rolling back. He is carried away on a stretcher; Squidward waves a smug goodbye to him and runs to the middle of the stage, raising his fists as pyrotechnics go off around him.]
♪ And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah ♪
[Mrs. Puff is shown playing guitar, gritting her teeth.]
♪ And the one who's last to fall ♪
[Patrick plays another drum fill as Squidward dances wildly.]
♪ Sweet, sweet, sweet victory... ♪
[Squidward jumps in the air in triumph, and the scene freezes. The screen fades to black, ending the episode.]

==Episode 16==
===''Graveyard Shift'' [2.16a]===
:''[The episode begins at night at the Krusty Krab. It's closing time.]''
:'''French Narrator''': Ah, the Krusty Krab. Bikini Bottom's premiere daytime eatery. Where it will be closing time right about...
:'''Squidward''': ''[switches the &quot;Open&quot; sign to &quot;Closed&quot;]'' Now! 8 o'clock! ''[takes off his Krusty Krab uniform hat]'' So long, suckers! I've got a hot date with a little lady, and her name is ''[pulls out his clarinet]'' Clarinet. ''[Tom shows up at the door and knocks on it, causing Squidward to drop his clarinet]'' What?
:'''Tom''': Are you open?
:'''Squidward''': ''[points to the sign]'' Read the sign.
:'''Tom''': ''[ignores him]'' I'll have a Krabby Patty Deluxe and a double chili kelp fries.
:'''Squidward''': No, you won't. I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life!
:'''Tom''': Well, fine, if you don't want my money!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Money?! ''[Mr. Krabs falls from the ceiling on top of Squidward]'' You mean, if we stayed open later, you'd give us your money?
:'''Tom''': ''[pulls out cash; Incidental 49, Incidental 30, and Incidental 85 appear behind him]'' Sure.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Mr. Squidward, ''[tears up the &quot;Closed&quot; sign]'' welcome to the night shift. From now on, ''[he puts a spare Krusty Krab uniform hat on Squidward's head]'' the Krusty Krab is open 24 hours a day.
:'''Squidward''': ''[gets up]'' What?! ''[crowd of fish barge in cheering and tramples Squidward]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[gasps]'' Wow! Now we never have to stop working!
:'''Squidward''': ''[gets up again]'' Mr. Krabs.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': See ya in the mornin', boys! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life. ''[leaves]''
:'''Squidward''': Mr. Krabs!
:'''SpongeBob''': Isn't this great Squidward? Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours, and then the sun'll come up, and it'll be tomorrow, and we'll still be working. It'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and we'll be covered with ''grease!'' ''[jumps on cash register counter]'' Are you ready to rock, Squidward?!
:'''Squidward''': No.
:'''SpongeBob''': Good! 'Cause we've got customers!
:'''Squidward''': ''[hands a customer a baseball bat]'' Here. Please hit me as hard as you can.
:'''SpongeBob''': Psst, Squidward. I'm working in the kitchen... ''[laughs]'' at night.
:'''Squidward''': ''[takes hat off; leans head on counter]'' Don't hold back.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[cuts to SpongeBob in kitchen]'' Hey Squidward. Guess what, I'm chopping lettuce... at night. ''[cuts to SpongeBob in the bathroom wiping it clean with himself]'' Look at me, I'm swabbing the bathroom... at night. ''[cuts to SpongeBob at the grill picking up spatula, misses the spatula and hits the grill]'' Ow! I burned my hand! At night. ''[cuts to SpongeBob walking on the counter]'' Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, na-na-na-night-na-night! '''''NIGHT!'''''
:'''Squidward''': WILL YOU PLEASE?! ''[hands SpongeBob a bag of garbage]'' Here, give me a moment's peace and take out the trash.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Squidward''': Yes. The Hash-Slinging Slasher. But, most people just call him The Ha-- ''[breaks into scream]'' because that's all they have time to say before he... GETS THEM!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[gasps]'' Tell me the story!
:'''Squidward''': Years ago at this very restaurant, the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a fry cook, just... like... you... only clumsier. And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties... it happened.
:'''SpongeBob''': He forgot the secret sauce?
:'''Squidward''': No.
:'''SpongeBob''': He didn't wash his hands?
:'''Squidward''': No.
:'''SpongeBob''': Irregular portions?
:'''Squidward''': No! He cut off his own hand by mistake!
:'''SpongeBob''': You mean like this? ''[pulls one of his arms out of socket, another one grows back in its place, much to Squidward's shock]'' Or like this? ''[continues pulling out his arms]'' Or this? Or this? But what about this? Or this, or this, or this.
:'''Squidward''': ''[interrupts; annoyed]'' Except he wasn't a sponge!
:'''SpongeBob''': So?
:'''Squidward''': '''''SO IT DIDN'T GROW BACK!'''''
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh no! ''[all extra arms lift their hands upwards and run away]''
:'''Squidward''': And he replaced his hand with a rusty spatula. And then, he got hit by a bus! And at his funeral, they ''fired him!'' So now, every... what day is it?
:'''SpongeBob''': Tuesday.
:'''Squidward''': ''Tuesday night,'' his ghost returns to The Krusty Krab to wreak ''his horrible vengeance...''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[gasps]'' But tonight's Tuesday night!
:'''Squidward''': Then he'll be coming.
:'''SpongeBob''': How will we know?
:'''Squidward''': There are three signs that signal the approach of the Hash-Slinging Slasher. First, the lights will flicker on and off. Next...
:'''Harold''': ''[interrupts]'' Dude, can I have some ketchup?
:'''Squidward''': Oh, here you go. ''[hands him ketchup packet]'' Next, the phone will ring, and there will be nobody there. ''[shows SpongeBob eating his fingernails]'' And finally, the Hash-Slinging Slasher arrives in the ghost of the bus that ran him over! ''[shows SpongeBob eating his fingernails, starts eating his arms, the arms regrow and he eats those]'' Then he exits the bus and crosses the street without looking both ways... because he's already dead! ''[SpongeBob begins eating his hands like popcorn]'' Then he taps on the window with his grisly spatula hand...
:'''SpongeBob''': No...!
:'''Squidward''': He opens the door... ''[pushes his tentacle to SpongeBob's face, making it looking like he's a door that's being opened; while doing this he imitates the sound of a creaky door opening. leans towards SpongeBob's face, which sinks in]'' He slowly approaches the counter! ''[&quot;counter&quot; echoes menacingly]'' And y'know what he does next?
:'''SpongeBob''': What?
:'''Squidward''': You really want to know?
:'''SpongeBob''': What?
:'''Squidward''': Are you sure you want to know?
:'''SpongeBob''': What?! What?! What does he do?!
:'''Squidward''': ''[sneaks up on SpongeBob, then taps him]'' He gets ya!
:''[SpongeBob screams repeatedly for about 20 seconds while Squidward is laughing. Everyone stares at SpongeBob in confusion and concern. Squidward eventually stops laughing.]''
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob ''[SpongeBob continues screaming]''
:SpongeBob, I was- ''[SpongeBob continues screaming]'' I was j- ''[SpongeBob continues screaming]'' I was jus- ''[SpongeBob's pupils are now screaming, too, causing Squidward to lose his temper]'' SpongeBob, I was joking!
:'''SpongeBob''': What?
:'''Squidward''': It's not true. None of it's true.
:'''SpongeBob''': It's not?
:'''Squidward''': Of course not! Nobody has a spatula for a hand. It was all a joke.
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh... ''[laughs repeatedly like he did with screaming, much to Squidward's annoyance.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Squidward''': Open 24 hours a day, what a stupid idea. Who wants a Krabby Patty at 3 in the morning?
:''[Cuts to Patrick in bed; his alarm clock rings, and he wakes up]''
:'''Patrick''': Oh, boy! 3:00 AM! ''[eats a Krabby Patty]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob, there are two problems with your theory. One: I hate you. And two: how can that be me when I'm standing right here?
:''[The man taps on the door with his spatula. SpongeBob shrieks loudly in terror to the point where his eyelashes grow and start wiggling.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Richard''': Can I have a job application? I brought my own spatula. ''[holds up spatula]'' I called here earlier but I hung up 'cause I was nervous.
:'''SpongeBob''': Do you have references?
:'''Squidward''': When was you on the phone, and you on the bus, then who was flickering the lights?
:'''Squidward, SpongeBob, and Richard''': ''[they look at Nosferatu]'' Nosferatu! ''[Nosferatu smiles, and the lights go off while ending the episode]''

===''Krusty Love'' [2.16b]===
:'''SpongeBob''': Hey, that's my driving teacher, Mrs. Puff!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': '''''Mrs.''''' Puff? ''[disappointed]'' Aww, she's married...
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, no, Mr. Krabs. She's single.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Then, what happened to ''Mr.'' Puff?
:''[cut to a live-action shot of a pufferfish, being used as a lamp]''
:'''SpongeBob''': She doesn't like to talk about it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mr. Krabs''': SpongeBob! I'm glad I caught ya. I want ya to buy Mrs. Puff--
:'''SpongeBob''':  ''[holds up his arms]'' Wait! Don't tell me! You want me to ''run'' down to the store, and buy Mrs. Puff something ''she doesn't need!'' Then you want me to RUN back here, ''[flails his legs back and forth]'' so you can say, ''[pulls his eyes through the top of his head so they look like Krabs' eyes and mimics Krabs' voice]'' &quot;Arrgh, SpongeBob, you're spending' all me money!&quot; And then ''I'll say,'' &quot;But Mr. Krabs! I'm only doing ''WHAT YOU'' '''''SAID!'''''&quot; Then you'll say, &quot;We're not talkin' about '''''this''''' ''[draws a triangle with dashed lines in the air with his finger]'', or '''''THIS''''' ''[draws a square with dashed lines]'', we're talkin' about '''''THIIIIIIIS!'''''&quot; ''[draws a ton of directionless squiggly lines; pants]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': But, lad, this time's different! Mrs. Puff needs this!
:'''Mrs. Puff''': ''[surrounded by all the nice gifts Krabs had SpongeBob buy her]'' Are we... going to the park soon?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Please, lad, I'm beggin' ya! I'm a lonely old crustacean who's found love! Don't let me lose her! ''[Starts to cry]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs, don't. Don't cry, Mr. Krabs! Come on. Okay, I, I'm gonna get it, see? ''[Walks off-screen, and comes back with a washing machine]'' Cheer up, Mr. Krabs, Here's that washing machine you wanted.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Cheer up? How can I cheer up... &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''when you're spendin' all me hard-earned cash?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': See? You just did it again!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': '''''Lad, I can't help it if you're loose with other people's money!''''' ''[SpongeBob gets a blank expression on his face]'' Do you think Mrs. Puff will need a dryer to go along with that?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[stoically]'' Well, Mr. Krabs, do you wanna know what I think? ''[cut to Mrs. Puff]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''ARRGH...!! REGGA FLEBBA BREEKA BRECKA SMULLEN-ELLEN MR. KRABS!!! YEGGA HEGGA MERGIN WALLET!!! DIMMY MIDDY SPEND!!! RIVY FLIVY DIVA SHIVA MR. KRABS’ WALLET!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Mrs. Puff reads what he said in a dictionary; SpongeBob marches past her grumbling in anger as Mr. Krabs is left smack-jawed.]''
:'''Mrs. Puff''': I didn't know SpongeBob had such a colorful vocabulary. Actually, there's something I'd like to say, too Mr. Krabs. ''[she kicks off her shoes]'' I'm afraid I just don't feel comfortable accepting all these gifts. ''[she removes her hat and coat]'' I'd rather go [[w:Going Dutch|Dutch]]...if you don't mind. ''[She pulls out her wallet and gives Mr. Krabs some money]''      
:'''Krabs''': Uh, ok.           
:'''Mrs. Puff''': You're a very sweet man, Mr. Krabs.
:''[She kisses his left eye and both eyes form the shape of a heart as the episode ends]''.

==Episode 17==
===''Procastination'' [2.17a]===
:''[SpongeBob's clock spins, breaks and comes to life]''
:'''Clock''': ''[ghostly voice]'' Time's up, SpongeBob...
:''[SpongeBob gasps and shrieks as the flame of the candle comes to life. The fire wick walks up to the essay and picks it up]''
:'''Fire wick''': Only 799 words to go... ''[burns the paper and laughs sinisterly]''
:'''SpongeBob''': No! ''[the fire wick sets his house on fire. He screams]'' What have I done?! ''[runs around the house, yelling]'' Help! Help! My house is on fire! ''[continues running around his burning house until it comes to life]''
:'''SpongeBob's house''': SpongeBob, why?! Why did you set me on fire, SpongeBob?! Why don't you just write your essay?! ''[wailing]'' '''STOP WASTING TIME!!!'''
:''[The scene suddenly changes back to SpongeBob's desk, revealing he fell asleep and had an episode-long nightmare before waking up with a start, pencil and paper stuck to his face.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Huh?! ''[gets his pencil off]'' Where's my essay? ''[sees it on his forehead]'' Oh, there you are. Hahaha...I must've dozed off!

===''I'm With Stupid'' [2.17b]===

[Patrick's house is shaking. SpongeBob knocks on it. Every time he does, it closes. He opens it himself. Patrick is cleaning frantically. He feather-dusts SpongeBob.]
Patrick: Need... furniture! [makes a lamp post model out of the sand, then licks it to make it remain in shape; he then makes a sand drawer, television, stool, and a couch. The whole time he is still frantically mumbling.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, what's with the home improvement?
[Patrick barks like a dog and continues to clean.]
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick!
Patrick: Ooh, sweep, sweep! [sweeps around the walls of his house and the air]
SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, I came over to see if you wanted to go jellyfishing, but I can see you're busy having an episode.
Patrick: [stops cleaning and his face turns mad] You know something, SpongeBob? It's just all fun and games for you. Nothing really matters. [imitates SpongeBob] &quot;Oh, let's go jellyfishing! We don't have any work to do!&quot; Life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews, and nobody has anything to dust or to clean or to wipe! Or fabricate!
SpongeBob: But, Patrick, the only thing I've ever seen you clean is your plate.
Patrick: [snaps out of being angry and starts crying] I don't know what to do, SpongeBob! You gotta help me!
SpongeBob: Patrick! You forgot how to eat again! Come on, we'll get the funnel!
Patrick: No, it's not that, SpongeBob! It's worse!
SpongeBob: Darn, I like the funnel. Well, what is it, then?
Patrick: Look! [takes out a rolled-up flashcard from his belly button]
SpongeBob: Hey, a note! [shows a sixteenth note from the paper note]
Patrick: Yeah, but turn it over, there's a letter!
[The letter B is shown from the paper note.]
SpongeBob: You're right!
Patrick: And I got this message from my parents! [hands out a small message]
SpongeBob: Your parents? [reads the message out loud] &quot;Dear Patrick, your mom and I are coming out tomorrow for Starfish Day. Please try to remember, but don't try too hard, or you'll hurt yourself like last time. Love, Daddy.&quot;
Patrick: SpongeBob, my parents think I'm dumber than a sack of diapers.
SpongeBob: No, they don't, Patrick. Parents just like to push your buttons. Like this! [pushes Patrick's nipples and his eyes elongate] Nee!
Patrick: [laughs] That always cheers me up. [his eyes go back to normal] But not today.
SpongeBob: Patrick, if your parents think you're dumb, then they must not know what dumb really is.
:'''Patrick''': But don't they watch television?
SpongeBob: That's what I'm saying, Pat. If your parents got to meet a real dummy, they'd realize what a genius you really are.
Patrick: But don't geniuses live in a lamp? And besides, we don't know any dumb people.
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Patrick. I'll be the dummy! When your parents see how dumb I act, they'll think you're the smartest guy ever.
Patrick: Math is power!
[Bubble transition to the next day. Patrick is in front of his mirror.]
Patrick: A, B, C, D, E, F, G... [the doorbell rings] Oh! H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O...!
Janet: Should I get the bullhorn again, Marty?
Patrick: W, X, Y, and Z! [Marty doesn't realize the door has been opened and knocks on Patrick's head] Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
Marty: Son, you recognized us this time.
Patrick: Why wouldn't I recognize my own parents?
Marty: You never were a bright one.
[Patrick groans. Marty laughs.]
Marty: Well, aren't you gonna show us inside?
Janet: He probably forgot where it is.
Patrick: Well, I know where it...
Marty: Oh, let me lead the way so we don't get lost. [Patrick, Marty, and Janet hold hands] Huh? Hold hands now! [inside the house] Okay, we're almost there! Let go on three. One... two... three! [Marty and Janet let go of Patrick's hands on three]
Janet: Good job!
Marty and Janet: Pats for Patrick! [both laugh as Patrick looks annoyed]
Patrick: I'll go get the beverages. [leaves, then comes back with a tray with three drinks on it]
Marty: Wow, son. You put the drinks in something this time. Ah, son, you must've been working all night to put these together for us.
Janet and Marty: We love you. [both kiss Patrick as he looks even more annoyed and groans]
Patrick: [the doorbell rings] Hooray, the idiot's here! I mean, I'll get it.
[Outside, SpongeBob is putting on his karate helmet.]
SpongeBob: Protective helmet, check.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: I'm supposed to look stupid, Gary.
Gary: Meow? [goes back to SpongeBob's house]
SpongeBob: What could go wrong?
[Patrick's rock opens.]
Patrick: What a surprise.
SpongeBob: Hi.
Patrick: Mom, Dad, meet my neighbor, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Hi.
Marty: Hello there.
Janet: How do you do?
SpongeBob: Hi. [walks to Patrick's parents]
Marty: Put 'er there.
[SpongeBob puts a doll on his hand.]
Doll: Mama! Mama!
Patrick: He means &quot;shake.&quot; [SpongeBob shakes his entire body] No, SpongeBob, no! Shake hands. [SpongeBob shakes both his hands] No, SpongeBob. Grab my dad's hand. [puts both his hands and his left leg on Marty's hand] Grab it with only one hand. [puts his left leg and hand down] Good boy! Now, move your arm up and down. [SpongeBob moves his shoulder up and down. Patrick giggles]
Janet: So, SpongeBob. Do you live nearby?
SpongeBob: Hi.
Patrick: No, SpongeBob. Show them your house. [SpongeBob pulls up his pants and reveals a blouse] No, not your blouse, your house.
[SpongeBob screams and runs over to his house. He runs into the shell and gets stuck.]
Janet: He lives in a fruit?
Marty: That's unhealthy.
[Patrick tries hard not to laugh but he sweats.]
Patrick: [giggles] Hey, SpongeBob! You wanna stay for dinner?
SpongeBob: [babbling like an idiot]
[Later, Patrick, Marty, and Janet are watching television while eating TV dinners.]
Marty: Does he always do that after he eats?
Patrick: Only on Wednesday.
[Pan over to SpongeBob pushing his nose to reveal his underwear. When he lets go, his pants pull up by themselves. This is repeated a few times. SpongeBob makes a buzzer sound after that. Patrick giggles.]
Marty: [starts giggling with Patrick] Uh, Patrick, I think your friend might be broken.
Patrick: Yeah. And it would take more than some masking tape to fix that guy.
[SpongeBob balances on his nose while making a fire truck siren sound. Makes other various sounds, including a cat yowl sound.]
Marty: Whoa! Is he gonna be okay? [seal barks]
Patrick: Oh, that's nothing. [dolphin chirps] You should see him in the morning prancing around yelling [monkey screeches] &quot;I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!&quot; [rooster crows] He drives all the neighbors crazy. [horn sounds, school bell rings, donkey brays] Why, just the other day, our neighbor Squidward was-
[SpongeBob jumps backwards over Patrick, Janet, and Marty, who all duck their heads in time, while making an elephant trumpet sound, then he crashes on something nearby.]
Patrick: ...was really no help for him.
[SpongeBob makes imprints of his front and back twice on the wall, as he makes funny horn sounds.]
Patrick: I mean, look at the way he's dressed. Only somebody with holes drilled in their head would wear that stuff. And how about his shape? I mean, I've heard of barrel-chested, [points at SpongeBob, then shows a closeup of his pants] but never box-chested! [Janet, Marty, and Patrick laugh, but SpongeBob frowns] Hey, SpongeBob, do you have any mascara I could borrow? [rolls his fingers over SpongeBob's eyebrows, twanging to sound like elastic rubber bands]
Marty: [chuckles] The boy wears make-up?
Janet: What a card! [everyone laughs, except SpongeBob, now very annoyed]
SpongeBob: [confused] Hey, Patrick. Patrick!
Patrick: Aw, [points at SpongeBob] he said my name.
Marty: Wow, how'd you train him to do that?
[Patrick, Janet, and Marty all laugh, while SpongeBob is mad. He bites Patrick's finger.]
Patrick: Ow! He bit me!
SpongeBob: Patrick, meet me in the kitchen.
Patrick: Oh, I guess the dummy wants to have a private conversation. [Janet and Marty laugh] A dumb one! [they laugh again, as SpongeBob and Patrick enter the kitchen] So, what's on your mind? Oh, wait, I already know the answer. Nothing! [laughs very hard] See, that's funny. 'Cause you're dumb!
SpongeBob: Patrick, could you let up on the insults just a little bit?
Patrick: Oh, were those too complicated for you? I'll try dumb-ing them down a bit.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I get the feeling that you think I really am dumb!
[SpongeBob glances at Patrick's T-shirt, &quot;I'M WITH THE DUMMY&quot; with an arrow pointing towards SpongeBob.]
Patrick: That's just what I'd expect you to say. Dumb people are always blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are. [drools]
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm only pretending to be dumb. It was our plan, remember?
Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob, if only you could see how stupid you sound right now, [SpongeBob is shocked] with your talk of imaginary plans... Tell you what. You've caught me at a good mood. I'll humor you. Go on, go out there and act &quot;smart&quot; for everyone.
SpongeBob: Okay, I will! [takes off his helmet and gives it to Patrick]
:'''Patrick''': ''[puts on the helmet]'' And don't worry, I'll keep this warm for ya.
SpongeBob: [in front of Janet and Marty, clears throat] I have a confession to make. I lied about being stupid. I just acted like a fool so you would appreciate Patrick a little bit more. I know how to talk, and eat, and do laundry. I even separate the darks from the lights. So what do you say we start over and try again? [holds out his hand] Hi! My name is SpongeBob SquarePants, and I am not a dummy.
Marty: [laughs] Amazing! Three minutes in the kitchen and our son has taught him to talk in complete sentences. [puts his right thumb up] Oh, good work, son.
:'''Patrick''': [puts his left thumb up] It wasn't easy, Dad.
SpongeBob: [sputtering] But... but, but, but, but, but, but...
Janet: It looks like it's time for your next lesson, young man!
SpongeBob: Now, listen to me! I'm not dumb! I have a brain! See? Here's a picture of it. [he shows them a small picture of his brain]
Patrick: That must be actual size. [all except SpongeBob laugh]
SpongeBob: No! It's normal size and fully functional. Watch. [writes &quot;2 + 2 = 4&quot; on Patrick's chalkboard] Two plus two equals four!
Marty: Oh, son, you taught him math, too.
SpongeBob: No!
Marty: And you taught him to sing. [SpongeBob is blabbering and sputtering, then starts tensing up] Oh, now he's short-circuiting. You must have taught him a little too much.
[SpongeBob imagines the three all laughing hard, because of SpongeBob's intelligence. Marty and Janet look at each other and laugh; then the three starfish all do the can-can. He imagines the three popping out of SpongeBob's pores. SpongeBob is inside Janet, who is laughing, inside Marty, who is also laughing, inside Patrick, who is also laughing, inside his eye.]
SpongeBob: Allleee! [starts to run towards the wall, crashing through the wall outside]
Marty: You know, son, I've always known that when it comes to brightness, well, you're about a three-watt. But this guy. He's a wet match in a dark cave. He makes phone operators seem smart. [clears his throat] But more importantly, son, he's shown me what a sharp, quick-witted boy you've become. [hugs him] Ha! I feel like I'm really meeting you for the first time. Isn't that right, Janet?
:'''Janet''': You bet, Marty.
Patrick: [his eyes widen and is now in shock] Janet?! Marty?! Who are you people?!
Janet: Marty, I'm scared!
[The doorbell rings, then the rock opens up. Squidward (who's looking put out), Herb, and Margie are outside his rock. Squidward answers the door.]
Squidward: Excuse me? Does this lovely couple belong to you? They've been standing outside my house saying &quot;Where's Patrick?&quot; all day. It's driving me nuts!
[Janet and Marty are standing outside.]
Patrick: Mom! Dad! [hugs them]
Herb Star: Wow, son. You actually recognized us this time.
Margie Star: And you remembered to get dressed today. [Patrick, Herb, and Margie laugh]
:'''Marty''': Oh, that's right, honey. We don't have a son.
:'''Janet''': Oh, yeah.
[Both Janet and Marty walk out of Patrick's house. Patrick and his parents keep on laughing as his rock closes over them, then the screen fades to black, ending the episode.]

==Episode 18==
===''Sailor Mouth'' [2.18a]===
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[speaks into microphone]'' Attention, customers, today's special is a ''[dolphin chirp]'' Krabby Patty served in a greasy ''[dolphin chirp]'' sauce and grilled to ''[dolphin chirp]'' perfection. ''[One customer drops his patty. Another is so shocked even the food he's chewing freezes midair. A mother octopus covers her laughing children's ears]'' And don't forget to ask us to ''[dolphin chirp]'' the ''[dolphin chirp]'' fries. It will be our ''[dolphin chirp]'' pleasure. ''[a giant human ear pops out of Squidward's head; he pushes it back in]'' Hi, Squidward, how the ''[dolphin chirp]'' are ya?
:'''Patrick''': Nice ''[dolphin chirp]'' day we're having, isn't it, Squidward?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Huh? The Krusty Krab, she's empty! All hands on deck! Batten the front doors! Brace the cash register! Break out the happy snacks! Squidward, where have all me beautiful paying customers gone?
:'''Squidward''': Apparently, the two barnacle-mouth brothers just learned a new word, and SpongeBob just said it over the intercom.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Well, what was it? What did he say?
:'''Squidward''': Uh, he said, uh, well, he said... ''[whispers the word]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Huh?
:'''Squidward''': ''[whispers the word again]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[gasps]'' SpongeBob and friend! Front and center! Why, I oughta make the two of you paint the Krusty Krab for using such language!
:'''SpongeBob''': But, Mr. Krabs, we were only using our sentence enhancers.
:'''Patrick''': Yeah, it's fancy talk.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': There ain't nothing fancy about that word!
:'''SpongeBob''': You mean ''[dolphin chirp]''?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Yes, that one! Now quit saying that! It's a bad word!
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Bad word?!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Yes, siree, that's bad word number 11. In fact, there are 13 bad words you should never use.
:'''Squidward''': Don't you mean there are only 7?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Not if you're a sailor. ''[laughs]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Wow, 13.
:'''Patrick''': That's a lot of ''[dolphin chirp]'' bad words.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Okay, boys, I want you to promise me you'll never use that word again.
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': We promise.

===''Artist Unknown'' [2.18b]===
:'''Squidward''': Now repeat after me. I have no talent.
:'''SpongeBob''': I have no talent.
:'''Squidward''': Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.
:'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.
:'''Squidward''': If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Tentacle's talent will rub off on me.
:'''SpongeBob''': If I'm lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art.
:''[Pause]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[unenthusiastically]'' Whatever.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Squidward''': Your search is over. I am Bikini Bottom's greatest artist. I call this one: &quot;Squidward en repose&quot;.
:'''Monty''': I, uh, don't think that will fit in with the other pieces in my collection.
:'''Squidward''': Why not?
:'''Monty''': Because it's an art collection. ''[laughs]''
:'''Squidward''': How about this one? I call it &quot;Bold and Brash&quot;.
:'''Monty''': More like: &quot;Belongs in the Trash&quot;. ''[Laughs]''

==Episode 19==
===''Jellyfish Hunter'' [2.19a]===
:'''SpongeBob''': But sir, how many jellyfish do you need?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': SpongeBob, we have a whole ego system for the hungry paying customers. Oh no! Don't tell me. ''[gasping]'' '''YOU'VE STOPPED CARING FOR ME COSTUMER!'''
:'''SpongeBob''': '''AAAH! NO, NEVER!'''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Then go out there, and get me some more jellies!
:'''SpongeBob ''': Okay, Mr. Krabs. Just make sure the jellyfish are comfortable. They are O’so sensitive.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, I’ll keep them comfortable, alright, inside me wallet.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Mr. Krabs''': More, SpongeBob! What don't you understand about &quot;More&quot;!? ''[multiple of SpongeBobs are watching jellyfishes]'' MORE! MORE! More! More! More. More! More! ''[grimaces and demands more]'' More, more, more, more, more! '''MORE!!'''
:''[Cut to night. A sign reading &quot;Jellyfish Fields: Population 0&quot; is seen.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, there's no more! Now, ''that's'' jellyfishing!
:[No Name follows SpongeBob.]
:'''Mr. Krabs''': You'll never catch me! [He tries to pedal away as he laughs madly] What? [Looks down to see the exercycle is bolted to the floor.] Blasted exercise craze.
''[The jellyfish sting Mr. Krabs and he yells in pain. The jellyfish escape out the door, possibly back to Jellyfish Fields.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Goodbye, friends!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[walks out of the factory and is incredibly burned with black smoke and weakly voice]'' I'm taking jelly off the menu. ''[leaves]''

===''The Fry Cook Games'' [2.19b]===
:'''Patrick''': D'oh, come on, you're just flipping Patties.
:'''SpongeBob''': Hey, flipping is not as easy as it sounds! ''[Patrick flips over a rock with his foot and makes a sizzling noise]'' Why don't you go home, Patrick? You can compete in the &quot;Laying Under a Rock All Day&quot; Games.
:'''Patrick''':  Well, at least, I don't polish my fingernails!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[gasps]'' You take that back! ''[a gleam shows at the tip of his fingernails]'' 
:'''Patrick''': ''[mocking]'' Fingernails, fingernails, fingernails!
:'''SpongeBob''': You don't even have fingernails!
:'''Patrick''': I cannot believe what I am hearing!
:'''SpongeBob''': How can you hear?! You don't have ears either!
:'''Patrick''': Er...Holes, holes!
:'''SpongeBob''': Conehead!
:'''Patrick''': Yellow!
:'''SpongeBob''': Pink!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Deep fry pole vault.]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Win this one for the Krusty Krab.
:'''SpongeBob''': For the krusty krab!
:''[flips over the poles and the deep fry and splats down on the circle drawn in the ground. The crowd gasps. SpongeBob forms a number one sign and the crowd cheers]''
:'''Plankton''': Win this one because I told you to.
:'''Patrick''': Because you told me to! ''[flips over the poles, but lands on the handle of the deep fryer, flinging it at the crowd and turning them into fish sticks. A vendor walks up and turns on a heat lamp]''
:'''Lou''': Fish sticks! Get yer fish sticks here!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Heavy metal music plays. The bell rings. SpongeBob tears off his blue robe, showing off his extremely large, muscular body. Patrick rips off his own green robe, underneath which he is wearing a business suit. He tears off the business suit, also revealing an extremely large, muscular body. The two dive at each other, screaming, until they collide. They wrestle and continue to wind up in twisted positions. They spin around and wind up wrestling with themselves. They realize this, and dive back at each other. Patrick sits on top of SpongeBob, holding his foot]''
:'''Patrick''': Forget the Chum Bucket! This is personal. ''[takes off SpongeBob's shoe and licks his foot slowly. SpongeBob screams in agony. The two wrestle again. SpongeBob sits on Patrick's chest and screams as he lifts up a pencil with the eraser side pointing toward Patrick; he slowly brings it down to his name tag and erases the &quot;Pat&quot; in &quot;Patrick,&quot; leaving &quot;Rick&quot;]'' No! My name's not Rick! ''[tackles SpongeBob in a puff of smoke]''
:''[the two wrestle once more before they stop]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I don't like you!
:'''Patrick''': I don't like you more!
:'''SpongeBob''': I never liked you!
:'''Patrick''': I 1,000 times never liked you!
:'''SpongeBob''': Pink!
:'''Patrick''': Yellow!
:''[They struggle to push each other until both of their pants rip and fall down. Patrick's underwear is yellow. SpongeBob's underwear is pink]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Yellow.
:'''Patrick''': Pink?
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': ''[their eyes start to water]'' You do care! ''[both start crying and hug each other]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Let's promise never to fight again, buddy.
:'''Patrick''': Yeah, pal. Let's go home.
:''[both walk away holding hands and whistling while the audience boos]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Hey! Where ya going?
:'''Plankton''': Get back here and kill each other!
:'''Patrick''': You're my best friend ever.
:'''SpongeBob''': You too, Patrick.
:'''Patrick''': You know, these were white when I bought 'em.

==Episode 20==
===''Squid on Strike'' [2.20a]===
:'''Squidward''': Nobody cares about the fate of laborers as long as they can get their instant gratification.

===''Sandy, SpongeBob and the Worm'' [2.20b]===
:'''Sandy''': SpongeBob, quit your worrying. I can take care of myself. After all, Who's the strongest critter in Bikini Bottom? ''[pulls a live-action boat down underwater by its anchor]''
:'''SpongeBob''': You are.
:'''Sandy''': And who put the, hiyah-hah-huah, &quot;K&quot; in &quot;karate&quot;?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[body is shaped like a &quot;U&quot;] You'' did.
:'''Sandy''': And who saves your yellow backside from certain destruction on a regular basis?
:''[SpongeBob's backside reads &quot;Property of Sandy Cheeks&quot; printed on it]''
:'''SpongeBob''': You do.
==Cast==
*Tom Kenny as SpongeBob, Fish #1, Fish #2, Scotsman, Fish #50, Squid Guard, Squid #2, Fish #71, Muscle Salesguy, Balloon Salesman, Old Fish, Singer #1, Larry, Dad, Woman, Waiter, Clock, Sailor, Fish 1, Big Guy, Vendor, Hook Fish, Fish 156, Teenager 1
*William 'Bill' Fagerbakke as Patrick, Fish #1, Man with Bag, Painter, Fish #6, Victim, Singer #2, Rex, Dr. Manowar, Pants, Fish 4, Tomato Fish
*Clancy Brown as Mr. Krabs, Vender #2, Penny, TV Fish, Man, Singer #4, Fish 1, Salesman
*Rodger Bumpass as Squidward, Doctor, Voice #3, Rick, Gerbil, Singer #3, Spotter #1, Doctor, Squid Drawing, Veterinarian, Restaurant Fish, Worm, Door Fish, Fish 4, Fish 38, Wheelbarrow Fish
*Doug Lawrence as Fish #1, Fish #2, Deliever Fish, Customer #3, Larry, Delivery Man, Guy #4, Voice #4, Fish #1, Plankton, Pirate, Fish #1, Fish #40, Cop #1, Fish #2, Fish #2, Copy #1, Reporter, Security Guard, Fish #4, Spotter #2, Fish #4, Fish #5, Hot Dog Guy, P.A., Reporter, Artist, Mailman, Newsman, Student, Old Man Jenkins, Fish 1, Pants Fish, Fish 1, Chip
*Lori A. as Lady, Pearl
*Sirena Irwin as Eel, Loop, Crossing Guard, Band Member #1, Kernal, Wife Fish, Teen Fish, Teen, Customer #2, Fish #5, Fish #7, Larry's Girl, Snooty Woman, Spider, Girl #1, Girls #2, Girl #45, Squid #1, Squidette, Fish #4, #40, Woman Fish, Woman Fish, Mom, Teller, Honey, Mom, Girl Fish #1, Fish 2, Lady Fish, Mother, Auntie Fish, Old Lady Fish, Fish 65, Teenager 2
*Dee Bradley Baker as Fish #4, Fish #6, Ticket Fish, Band Member #2, Husband Fish, Customer #1, Lifeguard, Fish #3, Fish #8, Fish #7, Fish #9, Fish #10, Captain, Cutomer #1, Fish #1, Starving Fish, Tongue Fish, Fish #6, #104, #25, Fish #2, Man on TV, Spokesman, Squid #3, Fish #1, #3, #5, #23, #31, #41, Bad Crab, Guy, Cop #2, Fish #1, #3, #4, Singer #5, Mr. Krabs Solo, Fish #1, Cop #2, Kevin, Call, Queen Jellyfish, Joe, Fish #2, Policeman, Squilliam, Fighter Fish, Fish 1, Richard, Customer 40, Customer 6, Chair, Fire Imp, House, Pirate, Fish 2, Fish 5, Janitor, Monty P. Moneybags, Workout Fish, Robot, Little Fish, Guy with Torch, Thrower, Fish 2, Cop, Fun Fish
*Carlos A as Fish #2, #3, #5, #7, Band Leader, Scooter, Angel, Fish #4, Vendor #1, Fish #1, Fish #1, Photographer, Surfer, Moat Fish
*Carol L. as Sandy, Woman, Voice #2, Girl #2, Evelyn
*Jillan Talley as Karen, Phyllis, Girl #27, Ladies
*M.J. Catlett as Mrs. Puff
*Mike Mulloy as Real Dad, Marty Dad

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|SpongeBob SquarePants (season 2)}}

[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]]
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Minions (film)</title>
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'''''[[w:Minions (film)|Minions]]''''' is a 2015 American 3D computer-animated comedy film and a spin-off prequel to the [[w:Despicable Me (franchise)|''Despicable Me'' franchise]]. Produced by [[w:Illumination (company)|Illumination Entertainment]] for [[w:Universal Studios|Universal Pictures]], the film was written by [[w:Brian Lynch (writer)|Brian Lynch]], directed by [[w:Pierre Coffin|Pierre Coffin]] and [[w:Kyle Balda|Kyle Balda]] and produced by [[w:Chris Meledandri|Chris Meledandri]] and [[w:Janet Healy|Janet Healy]]. The film was first foreshadowed in the ending credits of ''[[Despicable Me 2]]'', where Stuart, Kevin and Bob, three of the Minions, are seen auditioning for the film.

''Minions'' premiered on June 11, 2015, in [[London]] and was released in the United States on July 10, 2015 to mixed reviews and has grossed over $433,000,000.

{{center|'''''Go back to where it all began.''''' {{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}}

==Scarlet Overkill==
*It’s red hot.
* Doesn't it feel so good to be bad?
* ''[after seeing Herb's card, reading &quot;I missed you! H.&quot;]'' Herb, seriously, I want to dig up that William Shakespeare so he can see what true writing is. I love it!
* Who is that organist? She is good! Right? Is that Edna over there? Edna!
* Kevin, Kevin, I know you're out there. You think you've gotten away? Well, what do we have here? ''[holds up Bob and Stuart, with their mouths taped up and hands tied behind their backs] ['''Kevin:''' Bob? Stuart?!]'' Oh, my goodness! Which one shall I kill first? Little Bob? Stuart? Bob?! Stuart?! Hmm?! I will do it, Kevin, if you are not back here by dawn! ''[angrily kicks the camera]'' ['''The Queen''': Oh my.]
* Bye-bye, Say bye-bye, Bob, Bye-bye!
* And so help me. I never want to see another one of your goofy buttered faces ever again!
* ENOUGH! This…ends… NOW!
* Ha-ha-ha, your imbecile. Have fun exploding.
* Got to get out of here! Let… us… go!
* No, no no no…

==Herb Overkill==
* Hypno-Hat! ''[gives Stuart the hat]''
* This is gonna be so FUN!
* Prepare for torture which I do!
* This is torture! ''[the Minions play with a hangman's noose]'' Guys, cut it out! This is really unprofessional!
* Come on, come on. Life on two! One, two! One, two-

==Others==
* '''Minion''': ''[as a primitive caveman is about to hit a bear with a club]'' No, no, no! Piñata! ''[the Minions cheers as the primitive hits the bear with a fly swatter, then the bear eats him alive as the Minions screamed in terror]''
* '''Tina''': Can you breathe underwater?
* '''Frankie Fishlips''': ''[as Scarlet declares that all the villains have one thing in common]'' WE WERE BORN WITH FLIPPERS! … No? Just me? Okay.
* '''A man''': So cool! ''[pushes the minions back onto the stage]''
* '''Keeper of the Crown''': So, you came for the queen’s crown, did you?
* '''Edna''': Who was that? ''['''Scarlet''': You are very good!]''
* '''One of the villains''': ''[while he’s right behind them minions]'' Come back here, you!
* '''Someone from the Crowd''': She lost the crown!

==Dialogue==
:'''Scarlet''': Do you know who this is? ''[points at Protret Queen Elizabeth]''
:'''Kevin''': ''Uh... la cucaracha?''
:'''Scarlet''': This is Queen Elizabeth, ruler of England. I love England. Their music, the fashion. I'm seriously thinking about overthrowing it someday. Anyway. This pale drink of water oversees it all. I'm her biggest fan, loved her work. And I really, really, really want her crown!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Scarlet''': Steal me the crown, and all your dreams come true. RESPECT POWER!
:'''Stuart''': BANANA!
:'''Scarlet''': BANANA!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Herb''': Woah! These guys are pumped!
:'''Scarlet''': Maybe I'll settle them down with a bedtime story. How does that sound, Bob? Bob?, Bob? ''[screaming louder]'' BOB?
:'''Bob''': ''Bedtime story?''
:'''Herb''': That is a groovy idea! I'll get some cookies and warm milk. This is gonna be so fun!
:''[Bob asks Scarlet if she has a good bedtime story]''
:'''Scarlet''': Oh, yes. I've got a really really really good ''bedtime story. [beginning to count the history]'' Once upon a time, there were 3 little pigs. One fateful day, the pigs encountered a big, bad wolf who had a wonderful surprise for them. The wolf offered the 3 piggies and all their friends a job working for her. Everyone would be so happy. All the 3 little piggies had to do was just steal one little crown that the beautiful wolf had wanted ever since she was a penniless little street cub, unloved and abandoned… but that crown would mean she was a princess, and everybody loves the princess, so the wolf sent the piggies to get that crown... but the little piggies weren't up to the challenge. They ''failed'' their mission, so the wolf huffed and puffed, and she blew them off the face of the earth! The end. ''[Kevin and Stuart are scared]'' Good luck getting that crown tomorrow, little piggies. I know you won't disappoint me. ''[the light turns off while they look at Bob sleeping]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Keeper of the Crown (who's blinded)''': So… you came for the queen's crown, did ya? Well, you're gonna have to get through me! The keeper of her crown!
:''[Kevin, Stuart and Bob laugh because the tower guard is in the wrong direction]''
:'''Kevin''': ''[speaks Minionese mockingly while the keeper hits him in the head with a cane] Oye yoi yoi yoi yoi. Ow, hey!''
:'''Keeper of the Crown''': You think it's funny to mock the elderly, do ya?!
:'''Kevin''': ''Uh... si? [the tower guard hits Kevin in the head] Augh!''
:'''Keeper of the Crown''': I've been up here for decades… ''[hits Kevin right between his legs with his cane while he screams]'' ...Just waiting for someone to try and steal the Queen's treasure! ''[wacks Kevin to the wall with his cane]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Queen Elizabeth II''': ''[beats up Stuart]'' Gentleman... do... not... steal... ladies'... crowns...!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bob''': King Bob!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[in a spa, with two fire hydrants]''
:'''Stuart''': Ah, Claire. Ooh, Tiffany. Mi bellas! Rawr. ''[kisses them]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Scarlet''': ''[furiously]'' How dare you! ''[gets hit by a ball]'' Aaaaaahhhhh! ''[pounced on by a corgi, who licks her, but Scarlet throws the corgi back onto the floor, scaring the painter, corgi whimpers.]''
:'''Kevin''': ''[relieved] Scarlet!''
:'''Scarlet''': ''[gets mad at the Minions]'' Don't you &quot;Scarlet&quot; me, you backstabbing little traitors! Using Herb's invention to steal my crown?!
:'''Herb''': I feel used. Not gonna lie.
:'''Scarlet''': You stole my dream. ''I'' was going to conquer England someday. There was going to be a coronation, and I was going to be made queen. ''Every'' moment was planned. I’d wear a dress so sparkly it glowed, and everyone who ''ever'' doubted me would be watching and they would be crying. I was going to be the picture of ''elegance'' and ''class'', and you ''pinheads'' screwed it up!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Herb''': Scarlet, you're okay!
:'''Scarlet''': ''[enraged]'' HE TRIED TO KILL ME!!!!!!
:'''Kevin''': Uh, no, no... ''[speaks Minionese]''
:'''Scarlet''': Villains, this is no longer a coronation, it is an execution! Get them! 
:'''Villains''': ''[as they start running]'' YAAAAH! 
:''[The Minions flee from the villains who fang them right out. They run/squeeze through many people, cuts to Walter, Madge and Binky]''
:'''Walter''': Whoa, Nelly! Run, fellas! Run! ''[the minions run through stained glass windows with three humans on them and then the villains run through the wall as the chase continues outside the city on the road. Rain pours from the night sky, the minions are panting as the villains are right behind them as they throw their weapons as some run on the roofs; one villain laughs evilly and thunder and lightning crashes above them]''
:'''One of the villains''': Come back here, you!
:'''Mr. Spikey''': ''[gets picked up by a villain]'' Whoa! ''[the villain throws it for the minions as they take cover in a phone booth. The minions whimper while hiding as a villain with a chainsaw looms over them]''
:'''The Villain''': ''[shows his five fingers, then starts his chainsaw, the Minions run back outside through the door making the cause continue]'' Hahahaha!
:'''Cowboy''': Ya! ''[Uses his lasso on a light pole. Stuart holds the lasso for Kevin to make the way through and trips over some men]''
:''[The minions come to a stop]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Scarlet''': Kevin, Kevin, I know you're out there. You think you've gotten away? Well, what do we have here? ''[holds up Bob and Stuart, with their mouths taped up and hands tied behind their backs] 
:'''Kevin''': Bob? Stuart?!
:'''Scarlet''':'' Oh, my goodness! Which one shall I kill first? Little Bob? Stuart? Bob?! Stuart?! Hmm?! I will do it, Kevin, if you are not back here by dawn! ''[angrily kicks the camera]''
:'''The Queen''': Oh my!
:'''Kevin''': Oh no!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Kevin accidentally turns into a giant]''
:'''Kevin''': '''BELLO.''' ''[All flee]'' '''HUH? LE BUDDIES?'''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kevin''': Bob! Shoota hatta dona.
:'''Bob''': Si la.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gru''': Freeze ray!

==Taglines==
* Uh, oh!
* Meet Stuart, Kevin &amp; Bob
* Go back to where it all began.
* Before Gru, they had a history of bad bosses
* It's going to be a blast.

==Voice Cast==
* [[w:Pierre Coffin|Pierre Coffin]] — The Minions
* Narrated by [[Geoffrey Rush]]
* [[Sandra Bullock]] — Scarlet Overkill
* [[w:Jon Hamm|Jon Hamm]] — Herb Overkill
* [[Michael Keaton]] — Walter Nelson
* [[w:Allison Janney|Allison Janney]] — Madge Nelson
* [[Steve Coogan]] — Professor Flux, Tower Guard
* [[w:Jennifer Saunders|Jennifer Saunders]] — The Queen
* [[w:Steve Carell|Steve Carell]] — Felonious Gru

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Wikipedia-inline|Minions (film)|''Minions'' (film)}}
*{{IMDb title|2293640|Minions}}

{{Despicable Me}}

{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2015 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2015 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:Despicable Me]]
[[Category:Prequel films]]
[[Category:Film spin-offs]]
[[Category:Animated films about dinosaurs]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Animated films set in prehistory]]
[[Category:Animated films set in New York City]]
[[Category:Animated films set in London]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Australia]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Critique</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <text bytes="1143" sha1="8b6j0fq2b0afaaccj4kjajw6vl9t8ds" xml:space="preserve">{{see also|Criticism}}
'''[[w:Critique|Critique]]''' is a method of disciplined, systematic analysis of a written or oral discourse. 
{{theme-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* The focus of critique is essentially the cluster of relations that bind the one to the other, or the one to the two others, power, truth and the subject. And if governmentalization is really this movement concerned with subjugating individuals in the very reality of a social practice by mechanisms of power that appeal to a truth, I will say that critique is the movement through which the subject gives itself the right to question truth concerning its power effects and to question power about its discourses of truth. Critique will be the art of voluntary inservitude, of reflective indocility. 
** [[Michel Foucault]], &quot;What is Critique?&quot; ''The Essential Foucault'' (New York: 1997), p. 386

*Constructive critique is a sign of the utmost intellectual respect.
**[[James H. Sweet]], [https://www.historians.org/perspectives-article/our-letter-writing-culture-revisiting-recommendation-and-assessment-october-2022/]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:Discourse]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>ICarly (season 1)</title>
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        <username>~2026-32799-52</username>
        <id>3334854</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Want More Viewers */</comment>
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----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[iCarly (season 1)|1]] [[iCarly (season 2)|2]] [[iCarly (season 3)|3]] [[iCarly (season 4)|4]] [[iCarly (season 5)|5]] [[iCarly (season 6)|6]] | [[iCarly|Main]]
----

'''''[[w:iCarly|iCarly]]''''' is an American teen sitcom that ran on Nickelodeon. It focuses on teenager Carly Shay, who creates her own web show called &quot;iCarly&quot; with her best friends Sam Puckett and Freddie Benson.

== ''Pilot'' ==
:''[first lines of the series]''
:''[Principal Franklin laughs at the paper he is holding, until Ms. Briggs enters the room. He stops and puts the paper down]''
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' Carly, get in here right now. ''[snaps her fingers, and Carly Shay enters]''
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Have a seat. ''[she does]'' So... I understand you put some flyers up all over the school.
:'''Carly:''' Yes, I did. 
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' ''[to Carly; angrily]'' Why would you photo dock my head onto the body of a rhinoceros?
:'''Carly:''' Well, I--
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Rhinoceros? Oh, no, no, no. She made you a hippopotamus.
:'''Carly:''' No, no. She's a rhinoceros. A hippo has fatter thighs and a wider snout.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' ''[screaming gibberish]'' WHAT DOES IT MATTER? ''[quietly]'' I think we should call her father into discuss this.
:'''Carly:''' Um, my dad's stationed in Europe right now.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' ''[to Ms. Briggs]'' He's in the military.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' Well, there must be some adult in charge of her.
:'''Carly:''' My older brother, Spencer.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' Oh, yes. The artist.
:'''Carly:''' He's a great artist.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Look, we don't need to call her brother in about this. I'm sure that you can come up with a suitable punishment.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' Fine. You know, Carly, I am in charge of the talent show this year.
:'''Carly:''' Yeah, you're holding auditions on Saturday.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' No. ''You'' are.
:'''Carly:''' Huh?!
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' I will be enjoying my Saturday while you videotape the auditions for me.
:'''Carly:''' No! I'm going to see Cuddlefish play live at the Hawthorne on Saturday.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' ''[calmly]'' Not anymore.
:'''Carly:''' AW, COME ON!
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' ''[sternly]'' It's what you get for turning me into a hippopotamus.
:'''Carly:''' Rhinoceros.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' ''[yelling]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''GET OUT!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Carly:''' Right!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie:''' I am over it. I'm in love with you and you just want to be friends, and I'm totally cool living with that constant pain.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': Okay, Jeb. You ready to audition?
:'''Jeb''': Yeah. I will be performing a scene from a French play called ''La Ou Est Ma Femme''.
:'''Sam''': Okay...
:'''Carly''': We don't know what that means, but knock us out. Rolling?
:'''Freddie''': Uh... rolling.
:'''Jeb''': ''[clears throat; French accent]'' BUT, BUT, WHERE DID SHE GO?! I DON'T KNOW! BUT WHEN WILL SHE BE BACK?!? I DON'T KNOW!! WELL, WHERE CAN I FIND HER!?! I TELL YA, I DO NOT KNOW!!!
:''[long pause]''
:'''Carly''': Okay!
:'''Sam''': Nice job!
:''[Both applaud as Jeb leaves]''
:'''Sam''': What'd you think?
:'''Carly''': ''[French accent]'' I DON'T KNOW!
:'''Sam''': ''[French accent]'' YOU DON'T KNOW?!?
:'''Carly''': ''[French accent]'' I TELL YOU, I DO NOT KNOW!!
:'''Sam''': ''[French accent]'' BUT YOU MUST KNOW!!!
:'''Carly''': ''[French accent]'' HOW CAN I KNOW WHEN I DO NOT KNOW!!!???
:'''Sam''': ''[French accent]'' I DON'T KNOW!!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam:''' See the view count? Only 27 people have clicked on it.
:'''Carly:''' Oh. Okay, good. ''[looks closely at the view count and notices it reads &quot;27K&quot;, which means 27,000, instead of 27; in tranquil fury]'' Sam?
:'''Sam:''' Yeah?
:'''Carly:''' ''[shrieking]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''THAT'S 27,000!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
''[Sam falls off the barstool]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Sam drags Freddie to Carly's apartment]''
:'''Freddie''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;''AAAHHHH!! QUIT IT, SAM! LET GO OF MY FOOT! TOO MUCH FRICTION! LET GO! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Carly''': WHY'D YOU FILM US AT THE AUDITIONS TODAY?
:'''Freddie''': Oh, 'cause you guys were being funny.
:'''Sam''': Well, you shouldn't have put us '''online''' without our permission!!!
:'''Freddie''': I didn't! I edited you guys out before I uploaded the auditions.
:'''Carly''': No, you did the opposite of that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': It says, &quot;At your request, this video will be removed...&quot;
:'''Carly''': Oh, good.
:'''Sam''': Finally!
:'''Freddie''': &quot;...tomorrow morning.&quot;
:'''Carly''': Aw, man!
:'''Sam''': Freddie?!
:'''Carly:''' You know how many more thousands of people could view it by then?!
:'''Freddie''': Alright! Look, before you get all freaked out, SplashFace has message boards.
:'''Carly:''' So?
:'''Freddie''': So, let's see what people are saying about the video. Um... okay, here's one: &quot;Carly, you and your friend Sam crack me up... FUNNY STUFF!&quot;
:'''Carly:''' Ok so one person liked the video.
:'''Freddie''': Wait...! SlackerBoy314 writes: &quot;Carly and Sam, you chicks are HILARIOUS! When's your next show???&quot; And this kid says: &quot;You guys are way better than most of the PUKE here on SplashFace.&quot;
:'''Sam''': Wow... they love us.
:'''Carly''': Yeah. More than puke.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[First lines of the very first iCarly show]''
:'''Carly''': Hey there, people of Earth! I'm Carly Shay, and this is our very first webcast of a little show we call iCarly!
:'''Sam''': She's Carly!
:'''Carly''': She's Sam!
:'''Sam''': Sam I am!
:'''Carly''': Carly, Sam.
:'''Sam''': I think they're clear.
:'''Carly''': Demonstrate the thing.
:'''Sam''': Oh, yeah. ''[presents her signature remote]'' With this item provided by our dorky friend Freddie...
:'''Freddie''': THAT'S ''DISRESPECTFUL!''
:'''Sam''': We can do this... ''[plays applause noises]'' And this... ''[plays groaning noises]'' And this. ''[plays rock music as she and Carly dance around]''

== ''Want More Viewers'' ==
:''[At beginning of episode]''
:'''Carly''': Which is why I say the potato is superior to the sports bra.
:'''Sam''': And if you don't believe us, try making French fries out of a sports bra!
----
:'''Spencer''': I came up with an insanely awesome way to get more people watching your guys' webcast!
:'''Freddie''': Tell me.
:'''Spencer''': We get a bunch of fireworks, right? And not the lightweight consumer-grade stuff. I'm talking Fourth of July razzle-dazzle.
:'''Freddie''': Razzle-dazzle?
:'''Spencer''': Yes, both! Then, at night, we launch the fireworks off the roof of our building, and they explode spelling out &quot;iCarly.com&quot; in the sky!
:'''Freddie''': Can we really do that?
:'''Spencer''': No. 
----
:'''Freddie''': What's that?
:'''Carly''': Soggy banner. Our plans to get more viewers didn't go too well.
:'''Sam''': Yeah, like how the ''Titanic'' staying afloat didn't go too well.
:'''Carly''': Come on, maybe a few people read our sign... Before the rain ruined all our hard work and made us sad.
:'''Sam''': Yeah. We could still win.
:'''Freddie''': Yeah, I don't think so. I think me and Spencer are gonna win, and you two are gonna have to touch Lewbert's wart. I feel bad for you, Carly. Not for you.
----
:'''Carly:''' Well done, Spencer. You, too, Freddie.
:'''Freddie:''' Thank you, Carly. In your face, Sam.
:''[Sam stares at Freddie]''
:'''Spencer:''' Carly, Sam, Freddie. You cannot believe how awesome this sign looks from out here. It is so dazzlingly bright, I swear it's like-- ''[car crashes]''
:'''Carly:''' What's going on out there, Spencer?
:'''Spencer:''' Well, it seems our sign is so bright and dazzling, it distracted one of the drivers below. ''[car crashes]'' Actually, two of the drivers-- ''[another car crashes]'' Three of the dr-- ''[many cars crash]'' Literally, many of the drivers below are being distracted by our extremely dazzling sign.
:'''Freddie:''' Quick. Turn it off!
:'''Carly and Sam:''' Turn it off!
:'''Spencer:''' Oh, okay. I will now turn off the sign. ''[pushes button, but the sign starts flickering instead of turning off]''
:'''Freddie:''' That's ''not'' off!
:'''Carly:''' Spencer.
:'''Sam:''' Dude!
:'''Spencer:''' Oh, man, I am pressing the buttons! Literally, all of them, trying to turn off the sign.
:'''Freddie''': You're gonna overload the circuits!
:''[sign malfunctions and goes from saying &quot;PLEASE GO ONLINE TO iCARLY.COM&quot; to saying &quot;P█E██E ██ ON████ ██ █CARL█████&quot;]''
:'''Sam:''' &quot;Pee on Carl&quot;?
:''[Freddie is disgusted]''
:'''Carly:''' Turn that off!
:'''Spencer:''' I am trying! It's the stupid cars! ''[hear car tires screeching]'' Don't look at the sign! Stop beholding the si-- ''[hears a crunch]'' I stepped on my taco!

== ''Dream of Dance'' ==
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' Today, we have a special treat.
:'''Gibby:''' ''[raising his hand]'' Is it a spelling bee?
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' Be quiet, Gibby! You are about to be stimulated by a true performer.
:'''Gibby:''' ''[raising his hand]'' Ryan Seacrest?
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' ''[annoyed]'' '''''GIBBY!'''''
:''[Gibby quickly lowers his hand]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Carly/Spencer:''' ''[of the multiple boys in the apartment Carly/Spencer will end up dancing with in a dream]'' I don't know what's going on here... but I think I like it.

== ''Like Jake'' ==
:'''Sam''': Tell me everything!
:'''Carly''': He said we should hang out some time! ''[Girlish screams; teacher walks by and she speaks in a fake tone]'' Actually, I feel that teachers should give us more homework.
:'''Sam''': Yes. More homework and more discipline.
:'''Carly''': Yes, discipline is a priority in...
:''[Carly and Sam watch teacher leave; they scream loud, girlish screams again]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': Cinnamon buns! Cinnamon buns! Cinnamon buns!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': When it comes to the part when Jake was supposed to sing, we'll just improvise and talk about something funny.
:'''Sam''': Like Freddie's haircut.
:'''Freddie''': ''[singsong voice]'' I heard that!
:'''Sam''': ''[singsong voice]'' You were supposed to!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jake''': I saw you kissed his nose.
:'''Carly''': Well, yeah, but we're not dating. 
:''[school bell rings]''
:'''Mr. Stern''': Let's all get to class.
:'''Jake''': I'll see you around.
:'''Carly''': But it was just a nose kiss! Aw, come on! It was strictly nasal!

== ''Wanna Stay With Spencer'' ==
:'''Spencer''': Alright, don't worry too much about this yet, just... go do your homework or something.
:'''Carly''': Kay.
:'''Spencer''': I mean... '''YOU GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY!'''
:'''Carly''': Yes, sir!
:'''Spencer''': '''AND JUST SAY NO!'''
:'''Carly''': Always!
:'''Spencer''': '''AND STAY IN SCHOOL!'''
:'''Carly''': Maybe.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': I wanna stay here in Seattle with Spencer!
:'''Granddad''': Spencer needs to learn how to take care of himself before he can take care of a child.
:'''Carly''': I'm not a child! I'm just young and short.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spencer''': ''[answers phone]'' Hello? No, Freddie's not here, Mrs. Benson. I don't know when I grew leg hair! I gotta go!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spencer''': Here. ''[hands Granddad a piece of paper]''
:'''Granddad''': What's this?
:'''Spencer''': Everything you need to know about taking care of Carly. I've listed all her allergies, the number for poison control...
:'''Granddad''': She has allergies?
:'''Spencer''': Yes. These are Carly's favorite foods, drinks, soups and chowders...
:'''Granddad''': Aren't soups and chowders the same thing?
:'''Spencer''': No, there's a distinction. This is her homework schedule and a number for a tutor because she's been having a little trouble with science. These are the vitamins that she needs to take ''everyday''. I only give her the ones shaped like dinosaurs.
:'''Granddad''': Why?
:'''Spencer''': Dinosaurs are cool. Oh, and she's really into drinking coffee, ''[whispers]'' but I always give her decaf without telling her.
:'''Carly''': What?
:'''Spencer''': ''[in normal voice]'' Nothing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam''': So... who's gonna take the blame when I put live raccoons in the trunk of Mrs. Briggs' car?
:'''Carly''': Will you at least ''try'' to stay out of trouble?
:'''Sam''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam''': Anti-tick lotion?
:'''Freddie''': It's precautionary!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Carly, Sam, and Freddie are cleaning out Carly's locker]''
:'''Sam''': Oooh can I have this? ''(iPod)''
:'''Carly''': I'm leaving, not dying. 
:'''Sam''': But don't you want something for me to remember you by? Like 500 of your favorite songs?
:'''Carly''': Give it!
:'''Sam''': I'm just trying to cheer you up.
:'''Carly''': You can't cheer me up. I'm moving to Yakima. I'm gonna be a Yakimite. Or Yakimanitian.
:'''Freddie''': Yakimaniac.
:'''Sam''': ''[To Freddie]'' You're yakimannoying.

== ''Nevel'' ==
:'''Freddie:''' And what did he mean, &quot;You'd rue the day&quot;?
:'''Sam:''' Yeah, what does rue mean?
:'''Carly:''' No one knows!
:'''Spencer:''' I got it, right here. &quot;Roux: A mixture of fats and flour used to make sauces and soups.&quot;
:'''Sam:''' ''[perplexed]'' Nevel called you a fat flour?
:'''Carly:''' Try spelling it differently.
:'''Spencer:''' Okay, here. &quot;Rue: To regret. To wish that something had never been done.&quot;
:'''Sam:''' Uh-oh.
:'''Freddie:''' You know what this means.
:'''Carly:''' Of course. He's gonna make me regret shoving tapenade in his face by trashing iCarly on his stupid website.
:'''Freddie:''' ''[shrugs in despair]'' We're dead.
:'''Carly:''' ''[touches her cheek]'' I'm gonna go scrub his creepy lip residue off my cheek.
:'''Spencer:''' Hey, why isn't it cold in here? Toasty the Baker. GOOD GOD! ''[runs to his sculpture along with Sam and Freddie and screams]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''TOASTY!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Sam:''' ''[about Spencer's melted butter sculpture]'' Gross, it's like a giant baby threw up.
:'''Spencer:''' '''''WHY?!?!?!?!'''''
:'''Sam:''' I told you not to turn the heat up!
:'''Freddie:''' What?! I never even--
:'''Sam:''' It's too late for apologies.
:'''Freddie:''' But I didn't turn the--
:'''Spencer''': It's OK. It's OK. I just need a mop and a bucket and 20 more pounds of butter!
:'''Mrs. Benson''': Spencer.
:'''Spencer''': Mrs. Benson. Freddie, your mom's here.
:'''Mrs. Benson''': I came over because I heard screaming. Freddie, are you all right?
:'''Freddie''': Yes, mom.
:'''Spencer:''' He's fine. But I really got to
:'''Mrs. Benson''': Do you know he's allergic to fruit?
:'''Sam''': ''[sarcastically, to Freddie]'' Aw, who's got a fruit problem?
:'''Freddie''': Not me. I am not allergic to fruit!
:'''Mrs. Benson''': Well, what if you were? He'd probably give you an orange and then your face would puff up.
:'''Sam''': I would love that.
:'''Spencer''': Look, I gave him no fruit. Now, please, I'm out of butter--
:'''Mrs. Benson''': '''False!''' I saw you come home yesterday carrying grocery bags filled with butter.
:'''Spencer''': You spied on me?
:'''Mrs. Benson''': No, I just happened to be glancing through my peephole.
:'''Spencer''': That butter's gone and so am I.
:'''Mrs. Benson''': What have you done with all that butter? Freddie, I want you to take a bubble bath tonight. Spencer!
:'''Spencer''': I didn't give him any fruit!
:'''Sam''': Cool mom.

== ''Scream on Halloween'' ==
:''[Sam enters the building listening to music]''
:'''Carly:''' Hey, here comes Sam.
:'''Freddie:''' Ohh, great! She's gonna see my costume and insult me nineteen different ways.
:''[Sam walks up and sees Freddie in his witch costume. She takes the earphones out of her ears and looks up and down at Freddie's costume. Freddie looks at Sam as if saying &quot;Well?&quot; However, she shakes her head.]''
:'''Sam:''' Too easy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': Well, we're sorry we went in here without permission. But when we saw this furniture…
:'''Sam''': We thought it was too old and gross for anyone to actually use.
:'''Freddie:''' Okay, wait. Something still doesn't make sense. Why did Lewbert tell us that no one lived here?
:'''Lewbert:''' Cause I'm a jerk! Ha, ha, ha, I got you kids good! Score one for Lewbert! Happy Hannukah!
:'''Carly:''' Halloween.
:''[Lewbert splutters incoherently]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Spencer walks in Apartment 8-C, drenched with pumpkin guts from the pumpkin]''
:'''Sam:''' And this is Carly's brother, Spencer.
:'''Carly:''' Any words for our viewers before we sign off?
:''[Spencer walks toward the camera]''
:'''Spencer:''' ''[to camera]'' '''&lt;u&gt;Never&lt;/u&gt;''' forget to buy candy on Halloween.

== ''Spy a Mean Teacher'' ==
:'''Carly''': Freddie?
:'''Freddie''': Yeah?
:'''Carly''': Am I hallucinating, or are we surrounded by 2,000 Randy Jacksons?
:'''Freddie''': ''[nods his head]'' Why does Ms. Briggs have all this stuff?
:'''Carly''': I don't know. I guess if you're gonna be obsessed with an [[w:American Idol|American Idol]] judge, you might as well pick one that's firm but fair.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': Now, I'm going to show you the latest piece of equipment that's going to blow you guys away.
:'''Carly''': What is it?
:'''Sam''': You buy yourself a robot girlfriend?
:'''Freddie''': I don't need a robot girlfriend. Because in 20 years, I guarantee you, I will be Carly's second husband.
:'''Carly''': What happened to my first husband?
:'''Freddie''': Nothing you can prove.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Carly''': What did you get?
:'''Freddie''': It's a teeny video camera disguised as a piece of pie! ''[takes out a giant plastic piece of pie with a very conspicuous camera lens on it. Carly and Sam laugh]''
:'''Sam''': Yeah, who wouldn't that fool?
:'''Freddie''': It looks real.
:'''Carly''': Yeah. Like a real piece of pie with a camera lens on the side!
:'''Sam''': Look, it comes with a giant fork! ''[holds up the fork]''
:'''Freddie''': Give it! ''[snatches fork back]'' This a quality piece of spy equipment!
:'''Sam''': My Aunt Maggie's boobs look more real than that. And they're ridiculous.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Spencer persuades his date Connie to juggle, who starts to do so just as Freddie catches his attention with the fake pie]'' 
:'''Freddie''': Don't mind me, I'm just a guy having some pie! 
:'''Spencer''': Hey, is that one of those pie-spy video cameras? 
:'''Freddie''': No, it is not. 
:'''Connie''': Oh, yeah, they were talking about those on the Food Channel... Or was it the Spy Channel? 
:'''Spencer''': You know, I think it was the Spy Channel. 
:'''Freddie''': I don't know what you guys are talking about! This is just a normal piece of pie that ''doesn't record anything!''
:'''Spencer''': But there's a big lens on the side. 
:'''Freddie''': ''[frustrated]'' Oh, just forget it! ''[goes back upstairs]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:''[Carly and Freddie are spying on Ms. Briggs with the fake pie in tow at her house and decide that she is boring, so they decide to leave, but just as they turn to walk away, a bee flies around them]''
:'''Freddie''': ''[waving his arms to shoo the bee away]'' Hey, go away! Get out of here! 
:'''Carly''': It's just a bee. 
:'''Freddie''': You don't understand; I am ''extremely'' allergic to bees! Get out of here, you stupid bee! I think he wants my pie!
:'''Carly''': That ''is'' a stupid bee. ''[Freddie hands Carly the fake pie, runs, falls over, gets up and runs for the entrance to Ms. Briggs' house to flee from the bee]'' Where are you going? 
:'''Freddie''': I can't get stung! ''[he goes inside]'' 
:'''Carly''': Are you insane?! Get out of Ms. Briggs' apartment! You can't just... ''[the bee continues to fly all around her as she waves her arms to get the bee to fly away]'' Get away! It's a fake pie! Can't you see the big lens on the side?! ''[she drops the pie and runs inside]'' '''''It's a fake pie!'''''

== ''Will Date Freddie'' ==
:'''Freddie''': Yup, we've gone out every night this week. I'd say we're almost officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
:'''Sam''': So, which one are you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam:''' Come here, Freddie!
:'''Freddie:''' Leave me alone, Sam! Sam? What are you gonna--? ''[Sam pushes Freddie out of the room. He crawls to the other room, while Carly and Sam follow him. He gets up]'' That was assault!
:'''Carly:''' Why are you quitting ''iCarly?''
:'''Sam:''' Yeah, why?
:'''Freddie:''' Well, 'cause-- 'Cause maybe I don't like the way Sam treats me!
:'''Carly:''' Oh, come on.
:'''Freddie:''' Yeah, she's always putting me down, and calling me mean names, and every time I get an ice cream cone, she takes it and she licks it! She just licks it all over the place, just to bug me!
:'''Carly:''' Great. Now what's the real reason?
:'''Freddie:''' Okay. Valerie wants to do a web show, and she asked me to be her tech producer.
:'''Sam:''' So you're just gonna ditch ''iCarly'' for another web show?
:'''Carly:''' That's competing against us?
:'''Freddie:''' Valerie's my girlfriend. What am I supposed to do?
:'''Sam''': ''[bluntly]'' Dump the chick! How about that?
:'''Freddie:''' You know, you guys were the ones who talked me into going out with her in the first place, and now I'm the bad guy?
:'''Sam:''' Look, Freddie, you better just--
:'''Carly:''' Stop. He's right. He should help his girlfriend.
:'''Freddie:''' Thanks. And I wasn't gonna leave you guys with no help. I got you guys a new tech producer. If you want him.
:'''Sam:''' Who?
:'''Freddie:''' He's really good with the tech stuff.
:'''Sam:''' Who?

== ''Want a World Record'' ==
:'''Sam:'''  This thing is full of top-notch freaks, mutants and psychos!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie:''' Uh... We were down for about 4 seconds.
:'''Carly:''' Well... that's not a problem, right?
:'''Marilyn:''' I'm sorry, guys. To break the world record, your webcast had to be continuous.
:''[Carly, Freddie and Sam complain]''
:'''Carly:''' Haven't you ever heard of the five second rule?
:'''Marilyn:''' That's for eating food off the floor.
:'''Carly:''' Well, I feel that that rule could apply here nicely.
:'''Marilyn:''' I'm really sorry.

== ''Rue the Day'' ==
:'''Carly:''' Freddie, what do you think went wrong?
:'''Freddie:''' I'm not sure, but I'd bet my whole month's allowance that all of my equipment was working perfectly!
:'''Carly:''' Ooh, you'd bet a whole $8?
:'''Sam:''' Your mom only gives you $8 a month?
:'''Freddie:''' She's afraid that if she gives me more, I'll buy a bus ticket and leave her.
:'''Carly:''' That's so dumb!
:'''Freddie:''' Yeah, not really.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam:''' I can't believe Mr. Cline gave me a D on that test. How'd I get a D?
:'''Carly:''' You only answered half the questions, then told Mr. Cline the test was stupid, then burped, then left.
:'''Sam:''' And that's not worth a D+?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly:''' Will you ask the Plain White T's to perform on iCarly?
:'''Spencer:''' Will you take a digital picture of my back?
:'''Carly:''' Yes!
:'''Spencer:''' Then, yes!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Papperman:''' Nevel! Come kiss Mommy good-bye!
:'''Nevel:''' ''[embarrassed]'' All right, mother! ''[to Carly]'' Better find a new hobby, Carly, 'cause your web show is officially canceled, ''by '''me!''''' ''[he shuts off his telecast]''
:'''Carly:''' I hate him.
:'''Nevel:''' ''[turns his telecast back on]'' I heard that. ''[turns it off again]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam:''' Wow, Freddie, I like seeing you all feisty.
:'''Freddie:''' That's the Freddie way.
:'''Carly:''' I thought the Freddie way was a toasted bagel with grape jelly.
:'''Freddie:''' That's the Freddie ''Breakfast'' Way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nevel's grandma walks in and sees Freddie dangling from the ceiling]''
:'''Nevel's Grandma:''' Ooh, spider!
:''[She leaves and gets an umbrella]''
:'''Freddie:''' Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! We have a situation.
:'''Carly:''' What's wrong?
:'''Freddie:''' I think Nevel's grandmother just walked in.
:'''Sam:''' Don't worry, Nevel said she's hopelessly confused.
:'''Carly:''' Okay, we've got the cable hooked up. Now what?
:'''Freddie:''' Okay. There's a file on my desktop called VL2.exe. Drag that onto his hard drive.
:'''Carly:''' Okay.
:'''Freddie:''' After you do that, just unhook-- ''[Nevel's grandma walks back in with an umbrella]'' Hi, there.
:'''Nevel's Grandma:''' '''''SPIDER!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nevel's Grandma:''' Who are you?
:'''Carly:''' We're your... personal trainers.
:'''Sam:''' Come on. Let's do some squat thrusts.
:'''Carly:''' Squat and thrust.
:'''Carly and Sam:''' Ready? Just squat and thrust. One... Two... Three..
:''[Sam continues to instruct Nevel's Grandma while Carly helps Freddie down]''
:'''Carly:''' Sam, let's go.
:''[Carly, Sam, and Freddie leave while Nevel's Grandma continues to squat thrust while fake-counting]''
:'''Nevel's Grandma:''' Three. W. Mustard.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie:''' Well, better tell Spencer to cancel the Plain White T's.
:'''Sam:''' Oh, man, this bites.
:'''Freddie:''' Well, we can't do ''iCarly'' as long as Nevel controls our site.
:'''Nevel:''' ''[turns his telecast back on hearing their conversation; tauntingly]'' So true.
:'''Carly:''' ''[angrily]'' '''''Get off my monitor!''''' ''[angrily walks to the computer, unplugs it, and picks up a phone]''
:'''Freddie:''' Who are you calling?
:'''Carly:''' You'll see.
:'''Sam:''' You ordering pizza?
:'''Carly:''' ''[annoyed]'' No! ''[Sam sits on the couch]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nevel:''' And now, on ''iCarly,'' I will sing a song all about my web cast. ''[singing in a tone similar to &quot;Old MacDonald Had a Farm&quot;]'' ''♪ I have a web show that I do, it is really bad! ♪''
:'''Sam:''' How can this not be infuriating you?!
:'''Carly:''' Just keep watching.
:'''Nevel:''' ''♪ And boring too, it makes people sad! With a boring here and-- ♪'' ''[noticing that military soldiers are in his house]'' What are you people doing here? I demand a--
:'''Colonel Morgan:''' '''''QUIET!'''''
:'''Nevel:''' Yes, sir.

== ''Promise Not To Tell'' ==
:'''Spencer:''' Lamp. Lamp. Lamp! 
:'''Carly:''' I think it knows it's a lamp.
:'''Spencer:''' No, I want it to turn on. Lamp! Do you need a ride to school?
:'''Carly:''' No, Freddie's mom's gonna drive us. And look what I'm gonna hand in today.
:'''Spencer:''' You finished your history report?
:'''Carly:''' No, I finished the greatest history report in the history of history reports.
:'''Spencer:''' Nice. So what's it--?
:'''Carly: ''DON'T TOUCH IT!''''' ''[Spencer squeals in shock]'' Sorry, I just have to keep this report looking absolutely perfect. I've never worked harder on anything in my life. And guess what?
:'''Spencer:''' What? Lamp! What?
:'''Carly:''' If I get an &quot;A&quot; on this, that means I'll get an &quot;A&quot; for the semester, which means I'll have straight A's on my report card for the first time ever!
:'''Spencer:''' I'm very proud of you. ''[at lamp]'' Lamp! ''[annoyed]'' Gah! Why won't it work?
:'''Carly:''' Let me see the instructions.
:'''Spencer:''' Good luck, they're in Japanese.
:'''Carly:''' Well, did you try saying &quot;Lamp&quot; in Japanese?
:'''Spencer:''' I did not! How do you say it?
:'''Carly:''' It looks like... ''&quot;Rampu.&quot;''
:'''Spencer:''' Okay. ''Rampu. Rampu. '''RAMPU!''' [Lamp turns on]''
:'''Carly:''' Hey!
:'''Spencer:''' It worked!
:'''Carly:''' Yeah, you just got to say it like a really angry Japanese man!
:'''Spencer:''' '''''RAMPU!''''' ''[lamp turns off]'' Come try! ''[Carly sits down next to Spencer]''
:'''Carly and Spencer:''' ''[repeatedly]'' '''''RAMPU!''''' ''[Freddie walks in and stares at them for a moment, then walks back out slowly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly:''' You gave me a B?! But I thought you said it was the best in the class!
:'''Mr. Devlin:''' It was. But, it was printed on 3-hole paper, which I despise.
:'''Carly:''' Then just let me re-print it for you, on paper that is completely hole-free!
:'''Mr. Devlin:''' Reports can only be submitted once. Silly little truffle.
:'''Carly:''' But this means I'll get a B-plus for the semester! 
:'''Mr. Devlin:''' Yes. Congratulations. 
:'''Carly:''' ''[angrily]'' I'd like to punch three holes in him, that's what I'd like to do. 
:'''Sam:''' ''[walking back to Carly's apartment]'' Tell you what. on the next iCarly, we tell everyone to go egg Mr. Devlin's house. (Realistically, he'd get angry and he'll hate it.)
:'''Carly:''' Nah, he'd probably like it, 'cause eggs don't have three holes!
:'''Freddie:''' I told you not to take his class. 
:'''Carly:''' Yes, thank you, Freddie. 
:'''Spencer:''' Well, if it isn't my straight-A little sister, Carl-ay.
:'''Carly:''' Don't call me &quot;Carl-ay&quot; 'cause I... 
:'''Spencer:''' To celebrate your straight A's, I'm making you a giant &quot;A&quot; made out of a bunch of smaller A's that I found. 
:'''Carly:'''Spencer... - 
:'''Spencer:''' Your &quot;A&quot; is gonna be huge! And when it's all done... - 
:'''Carly:''' I'm not getting straight A's. Mr Devlin gave me a B on my report, even though he said it was flawless. 
:'''Spencer:''' Why'd you get a B? 
:'''Carly:''' Cause I printed it on &quot;three-hole paper&quot;.
:'''Freddie:''' Mr Devlin's, like, the strictest teacher in school. 
:'''Spencer:''' Yeah, I know. He used to be lunch room monitor. He gave me detention. 
:'''Sam:''' For? 
:'''Spencer:''' Playing with my fruit. 
:'''Carly:''' Listen, it was really cool of you to make this big A for me, but would you mind taking it apart?
:'''Spencer:''' Carly... 
:'''Carly:''' Seriously, if I'm not gonna get straight A's, then I'd rather not be reminded of... Of what almost was.
:'''Spencer:''' Aw, who needs a hug? 
:'''Carly:''' Me. 
:'''Sam:''' Hey, how do you turn this lamp on?
:'''Spencer:''' Rampu!
:''[Carly jumps]''


&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Hello, Sam.
:'''Sam:''' Mornin', Ted.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' ''[sternly]'' ''Sam?''
:'''Sam:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Good morning, Principal Franklin!
:'''Principal Franklin:''' ''[smiles; not understanding Sam's sarcasm]'' Thank you. Now, what trouble have you gotten in over the past week?
:'''Sam:''' Let's see. I got yelled at by Ms Briggs for getting an &quot;F&quot; on a quiz.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Why did you fail the quiz?
:'''Sam:''' I didn't know the answers.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Right. Anything else?
:'''Sam:''' Ooh! I got kicked out of the cafeteria for slapping Gibby with a piece of pizza.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Why did you slap Gibby with a piece of pizza?
:'''Sam:''' I found it on the floor; I wasn't gonna eat it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Sam, just sit quietly and try not to break anything.
:'''Sam:''' No promises.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie:''' Let me up!
:'''Carly:''' Not if you're gonna tell on Sam!
:'''Freddie:''' Then you tell.
:'''Carly:''' No, I swore to Sam. We have to come up with a way to fix this without telling on Sam.
:'''Freddie:''' Why would Sam change my grade? And make it better? She hates me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie:''' Oh, and uh, just for the record, the only reason you pinned me down like that is 'cause I wasn't ready.
:'''Carly:''' Are you ready now?
:'''Freddie:''' Yeah, why? ''[she pins him to the ground again as he struggles to break free from her]'' Can we please not tell anyone about this?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Wembley:''' Please complete exercises 7 and 9.
:'''Carly:''' What about number 8?
:'''Mr. Wembley:''' ''[whining]'' I'm in charge!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Security Officer:''' We're gonna need to speak to a parent or legal guardian.
:'''Carly:''' ''Spencer!''
:'''Spencer:''' ''[from another room]'' ''I am in the bathtub!''
:''[the security officers get confused]''
:'''Freddie:''' ''[to security officers]'' Are we under arrest?
:'''Carly:''' ''[to the security officers]'' Are you going to take us to juvie?
:'''Freddie:''' ''[scared]'' I don't want to go to juvie!
:'''Carly:''' They're gonna take us to juvie! ''[they both start moaning in fear]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines of the episode]''
:'''Carly:''' Spencer!
:'''Spencer:''' Hey, I thought ''iCarly--''
:'''Carly:''' I didn't really get straight A's!
:'''Spencer:''' Huh?
:'''Carly:''' ''[talking fast]'' Mr. Devlin gave me a B+, then Sam changed my grade in the school's computer, Freddie and I tried to change it back, that's why the CSA came here, I lied to Principal Franklin, I made Karen Yamakao cry, and my hair is falling out; Look it! ''[takes a small bit of her hair off]''
:'''Spencer:''' So I have to take apart my big A again?
:'''Carly:''' Tell me what to do!
:'''Spencer:''' Why can't you tell Principal Franklin the truth?
:'''Carly:''' 'Cause I promised Sam I wouldn't tell anybody.
:'''Spencer:''' Did you ankle-shake on it?
:'''Carly:''' Yes!
:'''Spencer:''' ''[shocked]'' Oh, my God.
:'''Freddie:''' ''[running down the stairs]'' Hey, are you all right?
:'''Sam:''' ''[also running down the stairs]'' What happened?
:'''Carly:''' Sam, I'm sorry. I told Spencer everything.
:'''Sam:''' What kind of world do we live in where an ankle-shake means nothing any more?
:'''Carly:''' I didn't wanna break my promise, but the guilt was eating me alive! ''[plops on the couch]''  What do I do?!
:'''Spencer:''' Come on, you're a smart little Carly. So you should know, sometimes, doing what's right is more important than keeping a promise. One more thing.
:'''Carly:''' What?!
:'''Spencer:''' ''[holds up a pair of clippers]'' There's an &quot;A&quot; stuck to your butt. ''[takes it off her]''
:'''Carly:''' That's so embarrassing!
:''[camera swaps to Principal Franklin's office]''
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Carly. I was just--
:'''Carly:''' I have to tell you something.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' All right.
:'''Carly:''' I changed my grade in Honor's History because I thought I deserved an &quot;A.&quot; Then I felt bad about it so I tried to change it back, but the CSA stopped me before I could, and then I lied to you about your birthday, which I really didn't care about at all.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' So, you want the microwave back?
:'''Carly:''' No, you can keep the microwave. But I feel terrible about this whole thing and I just wanna make it right.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' I see. And you were the one who changed your grade to an A in the school's computer?
:'''Carly:''' Yes, sir.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Because Freddie just told me that ''he'' was the one who hacked the school's computer and changed your grade to an &quot;A.&quot;
:''[Carly sees Freddie behind her]''
:'''Freddie:''' Hiya.
:'''Sam:''' ''[also enters]'' Okay. It was me, all right? ''I'' hacked the computer and ''I'' changed the grades.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Now, that I believe.
:'''Sam:''' And the only reason they didn't tell on me was 'cause I made them promise not to. And I was wrong to do that to a friend.
:'''Carly:''' ''[to Sam]'' Thanks. ''[to Principal Franklin]'' So, are we in trouble?
:'''Principal Franklin:''' I get to keep the microwave?
:'''Carly:''' It's all yours.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Then I think, under the circumstances, you and Freddie are off the hook.
:'''Carly:''' Awesome.
:'''Freddie:''' Thanks.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' But as for Sam--
:'''Sam:''' Yeah, yeah. Don't get all dramatic; Just hit me with it.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' ''[typing on the computer]'' Detention, twice a week for six weeks. I'm sorry, Sam.
:'''Sam:''' Hey, I gotta learn my lesson.
:''[school bell rings]''
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Ah. Time for assembly. Shall we? ''[he, Carly, Sam and Freddie leave the Principal's Office, but Sam returns]''
:'''Sam:''' Let's make my detention ''once'' a week... for ''two'' weeks. ''[an angry Carly pulls her by the hair]'' Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair... ''[the screen fades to black, ending the episode, implying that Principal Franklin changed the detention back to twice a week for six weeks]''

== ''Am Your Biggest Fan'' ==
:'''Carly''': ''[picks up show idea card]'' &quot;Carly and Sam roll Freddie in bread crumbs and bake him at 350 degrees&quot;?
:''[Freddie looks at Sam in shock]''
:'''Sam''': Just until he's golden brown!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Spencer is finished setting up a drum set and begins drumming, which causes it to fall apart shortly afterwards]''
:'''Spencer''': ...I rock too hard. &lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Spencer''': Want to see me rock out? ''[Carly and Sam agree. Spencer starts playing the drums and one of the cymbals mysteriously catches fire]'' How can that even happen?! 
:''[Carly gets the fire extinguisher and extinguishes the cymbal]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Sam''': Hey, can I sleep over tonight?
:'''Carly''': You don't want to go home?
:'''Sam''': Nah... When my mom buys a new bikini, she usually likes to wear it around the house for a few days to &quot;break it in.&quot; If you're my friend, you won't make me look at that.  &lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[after Spencer's new &quot;invention&quot; bursts into flames]''
:'''Carly''': Electrical wiring just isn't your thing.
:'''Spencer''': No, it is not.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Carly''': ''[reading the band's letter to Spencer]'' &quot;Dear Splinter.&quot;
:'''Spencer''': He never did learn my name. 
:'''Carly''': &quot;Thanks for getting us booked on Seattle Beat. You rock for that. Unfortunately, your drumming is suckish.&quot; Aw.
:'''Spencer''': That's where I said &quot;Aw&quot;, too.
:'''Carly''': &quot;So we've decided to go ahead with our appearance on Seattle Beat, but we're kicking you out of the band. Also, we took the rest of the deviled eggs and stole your drums. Take care, Blake.&quot; Well, that wasn't nice at all
:'''Spencer''': Nope.
:'''Carly''': I'm sorry.
:'''Spencer''': Thanks. I'm just sitting here, listening to their music.
:'''Carly''': Well, don't do that! They're mean people.
:'''Spencer''': I know. But their music is so good!

== ''Heart Art'' ==
:'''Carly''': Spencer, it's been four hours. I think you need to get off the kitchen table?
:'''Spencer''': Why? Is Santa Claus here to tell me I'm ugly and have no friends?
:'''Carly''': Spencer, get up. ''[tries to move Spencer]'' Come on, get off the table.
:'''Spencer''': ''[at the same time]'' No... I'm comfy right... ''[screams and falls to the floor]'' Ow.
:'''Carly''': You weren't supposed to fall on the floor.
:'''Spencer''': Well, you know... gravity.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Freddie''': I would've been here sooner, but, uh, I was helping my mom knit a sweater. Any comment? 
:'''Sam''': Aw, please let me insult you once for free! 
:'''Freddie''': Nope! Five bucks an insult!
:'''Sam''': Then I think it's very sweet you were helping your mommy knit. 
:'''Freddie''': Impressive. 
:'''Sam''': You're just lucky I'm broke.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': Really, you wanna kiss me?
:'''Sam''': Are you kidding me, I'd rather... not do that at this time, but thank you for your kind offer.

== ''Hate Sam's Boyfriend'' ==
:'''Freddie''': Well... I know how we could get back at her.
:'''Carly''': Huh?
:'''Freddie''': You and I should start dating. That way--
:'''Carly''': ''[irritated]'' FREDDIE!
:'''Freddie''': I know!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': Hello, ladies, or should I say lady and ''Sam.''
:''[Sam sprays Freddie with her cheese in a can]''
:'''Sam''': ''[Carly takes her cheese in a can out of her hand]'' Hey!
:'''Carly''': You can have this back when you learn to use squirt-able cheese responsibly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': Hey, what's going on over here?
:'''Sam''': Oh, Carly's brother is making a movie.
:'''Jonah''': Check out this dude! ''(grabs the alien from the set)''
:'''Carly''': NO, DON'T TOUCH THAT!!
:'''Spencer''': ''[coming downstairs]'' Okay, Mr. Space hamster, we're -- ''[Drops his tools in horror]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''OHHHHHH MYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOD!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; MY MOVIE IS RUINED! I have to start all over again! And my deadline's in less than 24 hours!
:'''Jonah''': Ha, ha, look, its arm came off!
:'''Spencer''': Ha, ha, yeah... Why don't you stay for dinner and RIP MY HEART OUT!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': What are you doing?
:'''Jonah''': Kiss me.
:'''Carly''': What?!
:'''Jonah''': Sam doesn't have to know. [tries to kiss Carly, but she flicks him] Ow! Did you just thump me?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': Hey Spencer, how's the--
:'''Spencer''': CARLY, FREDDIE'S HERE! 14,325... ''[Carly runs down the stairs]''
:'''Carly''': I'm freaking out, Freddie! Freaking out! ''[pulls Freddie to the kitchen]''
:'''Freddie''': Did you talk to Jonah?
:'''Carly''': Yeah, and he tried to kiss me! He totally tried to kiss me!
:'''Freddie''': No way!
:'''Carly''': Yeah!
:'''Freddie''': Are you sure Jonah tried to kiss you?
:'''Carly''': Well, let's see. He said, &quot;Kiss me,&quot; then puckered his lips. So, call me crazy, but I think the boy wanted some Carly-kissing!
:'''Freddie''': That jerk! No one tries to kiss ''my'' girl! ''[Carly gives him a look]'' (Sorry. Let me rephrase that.) No one tries to kiss you!

== ''Hatch Chicks'' ==
:'''Carly''': We got cereal.
:'''Sam''': Milk?
:'''Carly''': Out of milk.
:'''Sam''': I'll use root beer.
:'''Spencer''': You guys? Any reason I just found this in my shower?
:'''Carly''': Oh, my gosh.
:'''Sam''': A chick.
:'''Spencer''': Yeah, I picked him up thinking he was a bar of soap. Good thing I realized before… ''[stops]'' Never mind.
:'''Sam''': But how could there be a…
:'''Carly''': Our chicks haven't hatched yet.
:'''Sam''': Or…
:'''Carly''': WE'RE MOTHERS! ''[Carly and Sam scream as they run upstairs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': I was watching the egg cam. I can't believe they already hatched. Aw, man, did Sam eat 'em?
:'''Sam''': I wouldn't eat baby chicks. Raw.
:'''Carly''': They escaped.
:'''Freddie''': What?
:'''Sam''': Spencer found one in the bathroom downstairs, so the other ones could be anywhere in this whole apartment.
:'''Freddie''': Wait. I thought newborn chicks have to stay in their incubator.
:'''Carly''': They do.
:'''Sam''': How long can they be out?
:'''Carly''': I don't know. Let's go online and find out. Hurry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': Just walk towards me, you nutty little [[bird|chick]]!
:'''Sam''': Try to grab him!
:''[The chick, Yoko, looks like it’s saying “Really?”]''
:'''Carly''': ''[sarcastically]'' Wow, if only I'd thought of that!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': It says that baby [[birds|chicks]] need to be kept at 90 degrees.
:'''Carly''': What's the temperature in here?
:'''Spencer''': 72.
:'''Carly''': Turn the heat up to 90!
:'''Spencer''': 90 degrees?
:'''Sam''': No, 90 pickles. Yes, 90 degrees!
:'''Spencer''': No need to be hurtful.

== ''Don't Want To Fight'' ==

:'''Freddie''': You know, they say when a girl constantly rips on a guy, it really just means she has a crush on him.
:'''Sam''': Yeah, but I wasn't ripping on a guy...I was ripping on ''you''.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam''': First off, Carly said the shirt was no big deal. And the tickets I got were for Cuttlefish, a concert that Carly told me she was dying to go to. It's her favorite band.
:'''Freddie''': Let the record show that Carly ''is'' fond of Cuttlefish.
:'''Sam''': So yeah, I traded the shirt, but it was to get something Carly wanted a lot. Something the two of us could've done together. And Carly refused to go to the concert so--
:'''Carly''': I would've gone with you if you'd just apologized.
:'''Sam''': Um, she interrupted me. Yank her ponytail.
:'''Freddie''': Nah, I'm gonna allow it.
:'''Sam''': Why?
:'''Freddie''': Because I love her.

== ''Promote Techfoots'' ==
:'''Daka President Greg Hovarth (Kevin Symmons):''' Well, you know when you put out a new shoe, they always have a few minor problems.
:'''Sam''': &quot;Minor&quot;?
:'''Freddie''': What would be a major problem?
:'''Carly''': If they came to life in the middle of the night and ate your family?
:'''Daka President Greg Hovarth''': I live alone.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sonya''': ''[while the Daka Employees are giving the group money]'' Blueberry muffin?
:'''Braxley''': ''[takes one, but the Daka President slaps his hand]'' I'm stupid.
:'''Sam''': Keep it coming...
:'''Freddie''': This is good.
:'''Carly''': This is fun. This is a fun time.

== ''Got Detention'' ==
:'''Mr. Howard (David St. James)''': NO LAUGHING! ''I hate children!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Howard''': Well, tough kumquats.
:'''Sam''': Tough what?
:'''Mr. Howard''': ''[rips the face guard from Sam hitting him with a football]'' Ow! Kumquats! Oh! 
:'''Sam''': Kumquats?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam''': Hey. 
:'''Freddie''': Hello, Sam. 
:'''Sam'''' Why do you look all guilty? 
:'''Freddie''': I did something bad to get detention.
:'''Sam''': What did you do? 
:'''Freddie''': You'll see. 
:'''Mr. Palladino''': All right, class, everyone please sit.
:'''Freddie'''; Hey, Gibby, go ask Mr. Palladino to staple those together. 
:'''Gibby''': What for?
:'''Freddie''': Just do it! Go!
:'''Gibby''': Hey, Mr. Palladino, can you staple these papers together? 
:'''Mr. Palladino'''' Certainly, Gibby. That's odd. I don't see the stapler anywhere. 
:'''Freddie'''' I have it. 
:'''Sam''': Wow. You are a maniac. 
:'''Mr. Palladino''': I'm sorry, Gibby. I can't find the stapler.
:'''Freddie''': That's right, cause I took it. 
:'''Mr. Palladino''': Ah, yes. Thank you, Freddie. There you are, Gibby.
:'''Gibby''': Here. 
:'''Freddie''': Keep them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Freddie and Sam sneak into the principal's office]''
:'''Sam''': Dude, this is the principal's office!
:'''Freddie''': I know! I'm so bad. Look what I did! ''[pulls up the window blinds to reveal a spray-painted insult]''
:'''Sam''': ''[reading the words on the window]'' &quot;Freddie says: Principal Franklin-
:'''Sam and Freddie''': &quot;-sucks eggs!&quot;
:'''Freddie''': Ha, ha!
:'''Sam''': Impressive, that might get you ''double'' detention!
:'''Freddie''': Yep! When Principal Franklin sees that, you better believe he's gonna--
:''[A janitor washes the paint off the window to Freddie's horror]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Stern''': Who pulled that fire alarm?
:'''Carly''': It was me.
:'''Mr. Stern''': Well, thank goodness you did, the microwave in the teacher's lounge just burst into flames.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': We're supposed to be doing the iCarly 50th Webshow Spectacular from detention in five hours and Sam's the only one who's gonna be there. ''Why's it so hard to get detention?!'' ''[furiously slams her locker closed]''
:'''Mr. Howard''': Who slammed that locker?
:'''Carly''': Me?
:'''Mr. Howard''': Detention!
:'''Carly''': Really?
:'''Mr. Howard''': ''Tonight!''
:'''Carly''': Yay!
:'''Mr. Howard''': Yay?
:'''Carly''': Darn...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Howard:''' I have ears like a hawk! I distinctly heard laughter! And I hate laughter!
:'''Sam:''' I thought you hated your wife.
:'''Mr. Howard:''' Her, too! Now keep your mouths shut! ''[closes the door and leaves]''
:'''Carly:''' ''[as she and Sam look at the camera; sarcastically]'' Isn't he &quot;charming&quot;?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Howard''': Do I smell burritos?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Howard''': ''[after catching the students; angrily and confused]'' A video camera?! Turtles?! Burritos?! What is going on here?!
:'''Carly''': ''[hesitantly]'' The iCarly 50th Web-Show Spectacular? ''[Sam hesitantly presses 5th button which plays a recording of a cheering crowd; Carly angrily snatches the remote from Sam]''
:'''Mr. Howard''': ''[angrily; stupidly thinking he had won]'' You're all really in trouble now. I am talking suspension! I am talking expulsion! Deportation! ''[Principal Franklin appears, but Mr. Howard doesn't notice]'' And you can all start with ''500'' push-ups! I don't care what Principal Franklin has to say about it. 
:'''Principal Franklin''': ''[sternly]'' (Oh, really?) You don't?
:'''Mr. Howard''': ''[angrily]'' No! I-- ''[sees Principal Franklin; alarmed]'' Oh! ''[embarrassed]'' Oh, dear. Pr-- Principal Franklin.
:'''Carly''': What are you doing here? 
:'''Principal Franklin''': Well, I was at home, watching the iCarly 50th Web-Show Spectacular. ''[to Carly and Sam; pleased]'' Congratulations, by the way. My kids and I love your show.
:'''Carly:''' Wow.
:'''Sam:''' Awesome.
:'''Principal Franklin''': ''[becomes serious again]'' While I was watching, I heard Mr. Howard...call me a weak, spineless fool.
:'''Mr. Howard''': No, no, no! I Said...uh, sweet. Stylish. Cool.
:'''Principal Franklin''': ''[not believing Mr. Howard]'' (No, you didn't.) In my office.
:'''Mr. Howard''': But I--
:'''Principal Franklin''': ''[sternly]'' ''Now.''
:'''Mr. Howard''': ''[walks out of detention room; defeated]'' Why does everything always happen to me?
:'''Carly''': So, now what?
:'''Principal Franklin''': Well, I suppose Mr. Howard has tortured you all enough. Go home.
:'''Carly''': Okay, we're just about done.
:'''Sam''': I'm Sam...
:'''Carly''': I'm Carly...
:'''Principal Franklin''': And I'm Ted.
:'''Carly''' And thanks for watching the iCarly 50th Web-Show Spectacular.
:'''Principal Franklin''': ''[Sam almost pushes 5th button; politely]'' May I?
:'''Sam''': ''[politely]'' Second button from the bottom. ''[Principal Frank pushes said button]''
:'''Singers:''' ''♪ It's iCarly's 50th Web-Show Spectacular. ♪''
:'''Carly and Sam''': Bye! Keep visiting iCarly.com. Don't forget it.
:'''Freddie''': And we're clear.

== ''Stakeout'' ==
:'''Freddie''': Do you really think Sam's gonna make me get a tattoo of her face?
:'''Carly''': I don't know, but if she does, won't your mom freak?
:'''Freddie''': She freaked when I spilled one tiny drop of mustard on my church pants! ''[Carly laughs]'' What?
:'''Carly''': &quot;Church pants!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': Okay, Freddie's never late for iCarly. Are you worried?
:'''Carly''': If I wasn't worried, would I be drinking water with this expression on my face?! ''[she quickly takes a sip of water with a frantic expression]''

== ''Might Switch Schools'' ==
:'''Sam''': ''[about the Briarwood headmaster]'' Of course she'll like Carly! And then, Carly will go there, make all new friends and then bye-bye us!
:'''Freddie''': I don't wanna be bye-byed!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Carly''': Why?!
:'''Sam''': Why what?
:'''Carly''': I'm not playing! Why did you guys intentionally sabotage my interview?! ''(Sam and Freddie take sips of their drinks)'' Don't nonchalantly sip your drinks! Answer me!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''' Phillip Brownley ''': Your Carly Shay, from ICarly right? Phillip Brownley, Briarwood prep.

== ''Fence'' ==
:'''Sam:''' I can read a book!
:'''Freddie:''' Name three books you've read.
:'''Sam:''' ''Boogie Bear,'' ''Boogie Bear II,'' and ''Boogie Bear III: The Return of Boogie Bear.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly:''' Who's the dude?
:'''Sam:''' David, I hired him to read the book to me.
:'''Carly:''' Then why is he rubbing your feet?
:'''Sam:''' Because he was late. So, I started reading it myself and it is fantastic! These things are great! It's like TV in your head!
:'''Carly:''' Well, I'm glad you like reading. But I still don't see why David's rubbing your feet.
:'''Sam:''' I already paid the kid; I had to make him do something.
:'''David:''' ''[pleading]'' Please call my mother.

== ''Carly Saves TV'' ==

:''[During the pilot for Brad's show:]''
:'''Father''': But Michelle, Why would you accept two dates to the prom but not tell either boy about the other?
:'''Michelle''': Because, Dad, Luke is so sweet. But Brandon is so hot!
:'''Father''': Ah, noodles!
:'''Morgan''': Lame.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spencer''': This is called a guava. ''[starts nodding head]''
:'''Entire class''': Guava. ''[The class starts nodding their heads.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Brad Brenner''': ''[to Sam]'' You're fired.
:'''Carly and Freddie''': What?!
:'''Sam''': Hold on, hold on. If I'm fired, do I get paid for the whole week?
:'''Brad Brenner''': Yeah!
:'''Sam''': Laters. ''[walks out with rib]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': Don't thump him!
:'''Amber Tate''':  Don't even talk to me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': No, I toasted your bagel, cleaned your fish tank, got hacked on by Amber Tate's rat dog, and I even rubbed ice over a sweaty guy's stomach, but I will not plunge your toilet!
:'''Brad Brenner''': Come on, you're my supervising producer.
:'''Freddie''': Well, I ain't supervising what you produced in there! (to Carly) Sorry, Carly. I quit.
:'''Carly''': Well, now, we've lost Sam, Freddie, and Harper.
:'''Brad Brenner''': Oh, everything's gonna be fine.
:'''Carly''': &quot;Fine&quot;? This isn't even iCarly anymore!
:'''Brad Brenner''': Oh, come on, how can you say that.. You know, you're right. This isn't iCarly anymore.

== ''Win a Date'' ==
:'''Carly''': Aww! Poor kid... it must be horrible to love someone who doesn't love you back. ''(Freddie looks at her)'' Sorry.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': ''[holding up a bunch of love notes]'' These are love notes. 
:'''Carly''': Uh-oh, from Shannon? 
:'''Freddie''': Uh-huh! And try taking a test while she's staring at you like this! ''[makes flirty poses while smiling suggestively, imitating Shannon.]''
:'''Carly''': Please never make those faces again.
:'''Freddie''': What's it gonna take to make Shannon understand? ''I don't wanna go out with her!''

== ''Have a Lovesick Teacher''==
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Now, I want you all to write a 10-page essay on the Louisiana purchase.
:'''Carly''': Um, we haven't even gotten to that chapter yet.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Too bad! Sometimes, things happen you're not prepared for!
:'''Carly''': But how are we suppose to write an essay on something you haven't taught us about yet?
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': I don't need your sass, Carly Shay.
:'''Carly''': Sass? Look, it's not fair to make us write 10 pages --
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Let's make it 15 pages, yeah, that's right! Ow... I'm gonna go get some aspirin. Start reading chapter whatever. ''[leaves]''
:'''Carly''': I'm not sassy!
:'''Freddie''': Her boyfriend must have dumped her hard.
:'''Sam''': No kidding. The lady is losing it.
:'''Carly''': Sometimes I'm bold, but I'm never sassy!
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Freddie, why aren't you reading chapter whatever?
:'''Freddie''': Oh, um, 'cause I dropped my textbook in the bathtub last night.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Of course. You men are all the same. You lose interest in your textbook and then you just dump it in your filthy bath water!
:'''Carly''':  Ms. Ackerman, you don't need to yell at Freddie in front of the whole class.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Oh, look! More back talk from the sass master!
:'''Carly''': I am NOT the sass master! And it's wrong for you to be mean to Freddie just 'cause your boyfriend broke up with you!
:'''Sam''': Wow, Carls. Maybe you ''are'' the sass master.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Now you go straight to the principal's office!
:'''Carly''': What?
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': You heard me!
:'''Carly''': But--
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': GO!
:'''Carly''': Why do I--
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': NOW!
:'''Carly''': Miss--
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': ''GET OUT!!!''
:'''Carly''': Oh...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': Oh, hey! I uh, just got the new cable for the-- ''(sees Ms. Ackerman in her red dress)'' Whoa!
:'''Carly''': ...I also said whoa.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Hey, Freddie, what are you doing here?
:'''Freddie''': I was just uh, coming over to help work on the web show... with Carly... WHOA!
:'''Carly''': Okay, why don't we go upstairs before you start drooling. ''(pushes him upstairs)''
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Have fun, you guys.
:'''Freddie''': ''(while being pushed, he repeatedly looks at Ms. Ackerman)'' Sick.
:'''Carly''': Go!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': And if the vote says that we shouldn't be together... ''[to Spencer]'' '''''THEN I HATE YOU! AND THE INTERNET!''''' ''[she angrily takes her purse, opens the door, pushes a small vase on the floor and leaves]''
:'''Spencer''': Okay. What was the point of all this? Now she's just gonna be mean and vicious to you guys at school.
:'''Sam''': I don't know.
:'''Freddie''': Lot of people watch iCarly.
:'''Sam''': And sometimes...
:'''Carly''': We make sure certain ''specific'' people watch.
:'''Freddie''': Yes. Yes, we do.
:'''Spencer''': ''[suspiciously]'' You guys are up to something, and ''[alarmed]'' '''''I DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT IT IS!''''' ''[runs off]''
:''[camera swaps to Lauren's classroom]''
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': I hope you haven't made any plans for this weekend, 'cause you're all gonna be up to your eyeballs in homework.
:'''Sam''': ''[whispering]'' When?
:'''Carly''': ''[whispering]'' Soon.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': And today you will write 1,000 words on why men are dirty, rotten, stinktaitious, ungrateful, aw-- ''[she gets interrupted by FBI Agents]''
:'''FBI Agent 1''': Lauren Ackerman?
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Yes? Who are you, people?
:'''FBI Agent 1''': FBI.
:'''FBI Agent 2''': You're under arrest. ''[he grabs her hands to handcuff her]''
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Arrest? For what?
:'''FBI Agent 1''': For 500 counts of illegally downloading music on the internet.
:''[the iCarly gang smiles]''
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Well, you have no proof!
:'''FBI Agent 1''': Yes, we do. Ma'am? ''[Carly throws the pear pod to him, and he shows it to her teacher]'' I believe all the proof we need is on this pear pod.
:'''FBI Agent 2''': And you admitted it last night on those kids' web show.
:'''FBI Agent 1''': Which we recorded.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': You set me up!
:'''Freddie''': That's a lie!
:'''Carly''': No, we set her up.
:'''Freddie''': Oh, yeah.
:''[the FBI agents take her away and the class cheers while the iCarly gang high fives each other]''
:'''Sam''': So, now what do we do?
:'''Freddie''': Yeah, we should probably tell principal Franklin that our teacher's been arrested.
:'''Carly''': Or we could go ice skating! ''[the class cheers and pack up as they go outside their classroom]''

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|iCarly}}
[[Category:Television show seasons]]
[[Category:American television seasons]]
[[Category:iCarly seasons]]</text>
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----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[iCarly (season 1)|1]] [[iCarly (season 2)|2]] [[iCarly (season 3)|3]] [[iCarly (season 4)|4]] [[iCarly (season 5)|5]] [[iCarly (season 6)|6]] | [[iCarly|Main]]
----

'''''[[w:iCarly|iCarly]]''''' is an American teen sitcom that ran on Nickelodeon. It focuses on teenager Carly Shay, who creates her own web show called &quot;iCarly&quot; with her best friends Sam Puckett and Freddie Benson.

== ''Pilot'' ==
:''[first lines of the series]''
:''[Principal Franklin laughs at the paper he is holding, until Ms. Briggs enters the room. He stops and puts the paper down]''
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' Carly, get in here right now. ''[snaps her fingers, and Carly Shay enters]''
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Have a seat. ''[she does]'' So... I understand you put some flyers up all over the school.
:'''Carly:''' Yes, I did. 
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' ''[to Carly; angrily]'' Why would you photo dock my head onto the body of a rhinoceros?
:'''Carly:''' Well, I--
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Rhinoceros? Oh, no, no, no. She made you a hippopotamus.
:'''Carly:''' No, no. She's a rhinoceros. A hippo has fatter thighs and a wider snout.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' ''[screaming gibberish]'' WHAT DOES IT MATTER? ''[quietly]'' I think we should call her father into discuss this.
:'''Carly:''' Um, my dad's stationed in Europe right now.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' ''[to Ms. Briggs]'' He's in the military.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' Well, there must be some adult in charge of her.
:'''Carly:''' My older brother, Spencer.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' Oh, yes. The artist.
:'''Carly:''' He's a great artist.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Look, we don't need to call her brother in about this. I'm sure that you can come up with a suitable punishment.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' Fine. You know, Carly, I am in charge of the talent show this year.
:'''Carly:''' Yeah, you're holding auditions on Saturday.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' No. ''You'' are.
:'''Carly:''' Huh?!
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' I will be enjoying my Saturday while you videotape the auditions for me.
:'''Carly:''' No! I'm going to see Cuddlefish play live at the Hawthorne on Saturday.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' ''[calmly]'' Not anymore.
:'''Carly:''' AW, COME ON!
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' ''[sternly]'' It's what you get for turning me into a hippopotamus.
:'''Carly:''' Rhinoceros.
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' ''[yelling]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''GET OUT!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Carly:''' Right!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie:''' I am over it. I'm in love with you and you just want to be friends, and I'm totally cool living with that constant pain.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': Okay, Jeb. You ready to audition?
:'''Jeb''': Yeah. I will be performing a scene from a French play called ''La Ou Est Ma Femme''.
:'''Sam''': Okay...
:'''Carly''': We don't know what that means, but knock us out. Rolling?
:'''Freddie''': Uh... rolling.
:'''Jeb''': ''[clears throat; French accent]'' BUT, BUT, WHERE DID SHE GO?! I DON'T KNOW! BUT WHEN WILL SHE BE BACK?!? I DON'T KNOW!! WELL, WHERE CAN I FIND HER!?! I TELL YA, I DO NOT KNOW!!!
:''[long pause]''
:'''Carly''': Okay!
:'''Sam''': Nice job!
:''[Both applaud as Jeb leaves]''
:'''Sam''': What'd you think?
:'''Carly''': ''[French accent]'' I DON'T KNOW!
:'''Sam''': ''[French accent]'' YOU DON'T KNOW?!?
:'''Carly''': ''[French accent]'' I TELL YOU, I DO NOT KNOW!!
:'''Sam''': ''[French accent]'' BUT YOU MUST KNOW!!!
:'''Carly''': ''[French accent]'' HOW CAN I KNOW WHEN I DO NOT KNOW!!!???
:'''Sam''': ''[French accent]'' I DON'T KNOW!!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam:''' See the view count? Only 27 people have clicked on it.
:'''Carly:''' Oh. Okay, good. ''[looks closely at the view count and notices it reads &quot;27K&quot;, which means 27,000, instead of 27; in tranquil fury]'' Sam?
:'''Sam:''' Yeah?
:'''Carly:''' ''[shrieking]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''THAT'S 27,000!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
''[Sam falls off the barstool]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Sam drags Freddie to Carly's apartment]''
:'''Freddie''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;''AAAHHHH!! QUIT IT, SAM! LET GO OF MY FOOT! TOO MUCH FRICTION! LET GO! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Carly''': WHY'D YOU FILM US AT THE AUDITIONS TODAY?
:'''Freddie''': Oh, 'cause you guys were being funny.
:'''Sam''': Well, you shouldn't have put us '''online''' without our permission!!!
:'''Freddie''': I didn't! I edited you guys out before I uploaded the auditions.
:'''Carly''': No, you did the opposite of that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': It says, &quot;At your request, this video will be removed...&quot;
:'''Carly''': Oh, good.
:'''Sam''': Finally!
:'''Freddie''': &quot;...tomorrow morning.&quot;
:'''Carly''': Aw, man!
:'''Sam''': Freddie?!
:'''Carly:''' You know how many more thousands of people could view it by then?!
:'''Freddie''': Alright! Look, before you get all freaked out, SplashFace has message boards.
:'''Carly:''' So?
:'''Freddie''': So, let's see what people are saying about the video. Um... okay, here's one: &quot;Carly, you and your friend Sam crack me up... FUNNY STUFF!&quot;
:'''Carly:''' Ok so one person liked the video.
:'''Freddie''': Wait...! SlackerBoy314 writes: &quot;Carly and Sam, you chicks are HILARIOUS! When's your next show???&quot; And this kid says: &quot;You guys are way better than most of the PUKE here on SplashFace.&quot;
:'''Sam''': Wow... they love us.
:'''Carly''': Yeah. More than puke.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[First lines of the very first iCarly show]''
:'''Carly''': Hey there, people of Earth! I'm Carly Shay, and this is our very first webcast of a little show we call iCarly!
:'''Sam''': She's Carly!
:'''Carly''': She's Sam!
:'''Sam''': Sam I am!
:'''Carly''': Carly, Sam.
:'''Sam''': I think they're clear.
:'''Carly''': Demonstrate the thing.
:'''Sam''': Oh, yeah. ''[presents her signature remote]'' With this item provided by our dorky friend Freddie...
:'''Freddie''': THAT'S ''DISRESPECTFUL!''
:'''Sam''': We can do this... ''[plays applause noises]'' And this... ''[plays groaning noises]'' And this. ''[plays rock music as she and Carly dance around]''

== ''Want More Viewers'' ==
:''[At beginning of episode]''
:'''Carly''': Which is why I say the potato is superior to the sports bra.
:'''Sam''': And if you don't believe us, try making French fries out of a sports bra!
----
:'''Spencer''': I came up with an insanely awesome way to get more people watching your guys' webcast!
:'''Freddie''': Tell me.
:'''Spencer''': We get a bunch of fireworks, right? And not the lightweight consumer-grade stuff. I'm talking Fourth of July razzle-dazzle.
:'''Freddie''': Razzle-dazzle?
:'''Spencer''': Yes, both! Then, at night, we launch the fireworks off the roof of our building, and they explode spelling out &quot;iCarly.com&quot; in the sky!
:'''Freddie''': Can we really do that?
:'''Spencer''': No. 
----
:'''Freddie''': What's that?
:'''Carly''': Soggy banner. Our plans to get more viewers didn't go too well.
:'''Sam''': Yeah, like how the ''Titanic'' staying afloat didn't go too well.
:'''Carly''': Come on, maybe a few people read our sign... Before the rain ruined all our hard work and made us sad.
:'''Sam''': Yeah. We could still win.
:'''Freddie''': Yeah, I don't think so. I think me and Spencer are gonna win, and you two are gonna have to touch Lewbert's wart. I feel bad for you, Carly. Not for you.
----
:'''Carly:''' Well done, Spencer. You, too, Freddie.
:'''Freddie:''' Thank you, Carly. In your face, Sam.
:''[Sam stares at Freddie]''
:'''Spencer:''' Carly, Sam, Freddie. You cannot believe how awesome this sign looks from out here. It is so dazzlingly bright, I swear it's like-- ''[car crashes]''
:'''Carly:''' What's going on out there, Spencer?
:'''Spencer:''' Well, it seems our sign is so bright and dazzling, it distracted one of the drivers below. ''[car crashes]'' Actually, two of the drivers-- ''[another car crashes]'' Three of the dr-- ''[many cars crash]'' Literally, many of the drivers below are being distracted by our extremely dazzling sign.
:'''Freddie:''' Quick. Turn it off!
:'''Carly and Sam:''' Turn it off!
:'''Spencer:''' Oh, okay. I will now turn off the sign. ''[pushes button, but the sign starts flickering instead of turning off]''
:'''Freddie:''' That's ''not'' off!
:'''Carly:''' Spencer.
:'''Sam:''' Dude!
:'''Spencer:''' Oh, man, I am pressing the buttons! Literally, all of them, trying to turn off the sign.
:'''Freddie''': You're gonna overload the circuits!
:''[sign malfunctions and goes from saying &quot;PLEASE GO ONLINE TO iCARLY.COM&quot; to saying &quot;P█E██E ██ ON████ ██ █CARL█████&quot;]''
:'''Sam:''' &quot;Pee on Carl&quot;?
:''[Freddie is disgusted]''
:'''Carly:''' Turn that off!
:'''Spencer:''' I am trying! It's the stupid cars! ''[hear car tires screeching]'' Don't look at the sign! Stop beholding the si-- ''[hears a crunch]'' I stepped on my taco!

== ''Dream of Dance'' ==
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' Today, we have a special treat.
:'''Gibby:''' ''[raising his hand]'' Is it a spelling bee?
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' Be quiet, Gibby! You are about to be stimulated by a true performer.
:'''Gibby:''' ''[raising his hand]'' Ryan Seacrest?
:'''Ms. Briggs:''' ''[annoyed]'' '''''GIBBY!'''''
:''[Gibby quickly lowers his hand]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Carly/Spencer:''' ''[of the multiple boys in the apartment Carly/Spencer will end up dancing with in a dream]'' I don't know what's going on here... but I think I like it.

== ''Like Jake'' ==
:'''Sam''': Tell me everything!
:'''Carly''': He said we should hang out some time! ''[Girlish screams; teacher walks by and she speaks in a fake tone]'' Actually, I feel that teachers should give us more homework.
:'''Sam''': Yes. More homework and more discipline.
:'''Carly''': Yes, discipline is a priority in...
:''[Carly and Sam watch teacher leave; they scream loud, girlish screams again]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': Cinnamon buns! Cinnamon buns! Cinnamon buns!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': When it comes to the part when Jake was supposed to sing, we'll just improvise and talk about something funny.
:'''Sam''': Like Freddie's haircut.
:'''Freddie''': ''[singsong voice]'' I heard that!
:'''Sam''': ''[singsong voice]'' You were supposed to!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jake''': I saw you kissed his nose.
:'''Carly''': Well, yeah, but we're not dating. 
:''[school bell rings]''
:'''Mr. Stern''': Let's all get to class.
:'''Jake''': I'll see you around.
:'''Carly''': But it was just a nose kiss! Aw, come on! It was strictly nasal!

== ''Wanna Stay With Spencer'' ==
:'''Spencer''': Alright, don't worry too much about this yet, just... go do your homework or something.
:'''Carly''': Kay.
:'''Spencer''': I mean... '''YOU GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY!'''
:'''Carly''': Yes, sir!
:'''Spencer''': '''AND JUST SAY NO!'''
:'''Carly''': Always!
:'''Spencer''': '''AND STAY IN SCHOOL!'''
:'''Carly''': Maybe.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': I wanna stay here in Seattle with Spencer!
:'''Granddad''': Spencer needs to learn how to take care of himself before he can take care of a child.
:'''Carly''': I'm not a child! I'm just young and short.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spencer''': ''[answers phone]'' Hello? No, Freddie's not here, Mrs. Benson. I don't know when I grew leg hair! I gotta go!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spencer''': Here. ''[hands Granddad a piece of paper]''
:'''Granddad''': What's this?
:'''Spencer''': Everything you need to know about taking care of Carly. I've listed all her allergies, the number for poison control...
:'''Granddad''': She has allergies?
:'''Spencer''': Yes. These are Carly's favorite foods, drinks, soups and chowders...
:'''Granddad''': Aren't soups and chowders the same thing?
:'''Spencer''': No, there's a distinction. This is her homework schedule and a number for a tutor because she's been having a little trouble with science. These are the vitamins that she needs to take ''everyday''. I only give her the ones shaped like dinosaurs.
:'''Granddad''': Why?
:'''Spencer''': Dinosaurs are cool. Oh, and she's really into drinking coffee, ''[whispers]'' but I always give her decaf without telling her.
:'''Carly''': What?
:'''Spencer''': ''[in normal voice]'' Nothing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam''': So... who's gonna take the blame when I put live raccoons in the trunk of Mrs. Briggs' car?
:'''Carly''': Will you at least ''try'' to stay out of trouble?
:'''Sam''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam''': Anti-tick lotion?
:'''Freddie''': It's precautionary!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Carly, Sam, and Freddie are cleaning out Carly's locker]''
:'''Sam''': Oooh can I have this? ''(iPod)''
:'''Carly''': I'm leaving, not dying. 
:'''Sam''': But don't you want something for me to remember you by? Like 500 of your favorite songs?
:'''Carly''': Give it!
:'''Sam''': I'm just trying to cheer you up.
:'''Carly''': You can't cheer me up. I'm moving to Yakima. I'm gonna be a Yakimite. Or Yakimanitian.
:'''Freddie''': Yakimaniac.
:'''Sam''': ''[To Freddie]'' You're yakimannoying.

== ''Nevel'' ==
:'''Freddie:''' And what did he mean, &quot;You'd rue the day&quot;?
:'''Sam:''' Yeah, what does rue mean?
:'''Carly:''' No one knows!
:'''Spencer:''' I got it, right here. &quot;Roux: A mixture of fats and flour used to make sauces and soups.&quot;
:'''Sam:''' ''[perplexed]'' Nevel called you a fat flour?
:'''Carly:''' Try spelling it differently.
:'''Spencer:''' Okay, here. &quot;Rue: To regret. To wish that something had never been done.&quot;
:'''Sam:''' Uh-oh.
:'''Freddie:''' You know what this means.
:'''Carly:''' Of course. He's gonna make me regret shoving tapenade in his face by trashing iCarly on his stupid website.
:'''Freddie:''' ''[shrugs in despair]'' We're dead.
:'''Carly:''' ''[touches her cheek]'' I'm gonna go scrub his creepy lip residue off my cheek.
:'''Spencer:''' Hey, why isn't it cold in here? Toasty the Baker. GOOD GOD! ''[runs to his sculpture along with Sam and Freddie and screams]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''TOASTY!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Sam:''' ''[about Spencer's melted butter sculpture]'' Gross, it's like a giant baby threw up.
:'''Spencer:''' '''''WHY?!?!?!?!'''''
:'''Sam:''' I told you not to turn the heat up!
:'''Freddie:''' What?! I never even--
:'''Sam:''' It's too late for apologies.
:'''Freddie:''' But I didn't turn the--
:'''Spencer''': It's OK. It's OK. I just need a mop and a bucket and 20 more pounds of butter!
:'''Mrs. Benson''': Spencer.
:'''Spencer''': Mrs. Benson. Freddie, your mom's here.
:'''Mrs. Benson''': I came over because I heard screaming. Freddie, are you all right?
:'''Freddie''': Yes, mom.
:'''Spencer:''' He's fine. But I really got to
:'''Mrs. Benson''': Do you know he's allergic to fruit?
:'''Sam''': ''[sarcastically, to Freddie]'' Aw, who's got a fruit problem?
:'''Freddie''': Not me. I am not allergic to fruit!
:'''Mrs. Benson''': Well, what if you were? He'd probably give you an orange and then your face would puff up.
:'''Sam''': I would love that.
:'''Spencer''': Look, I gave him no fruit. Now, please, I'm out of butter--
:'''Mrs. Benson''': '''False!''' I saw you come home yesterday carrying grocery bags filled with butter.
:'''Spencer''': You spied on me?
:'''Mrs. Benson''': No, I just happened to be glancing through my peephole.
:'''Spencer''': That butter's gone and so am I.
:'''Mrs. Benson''': What have you done with all that butter? Freddie, I want you to take a bubble bath tonight. Spencer!
:'''Spencer''': I didn't give him any fruit!
:'''Sam''': Cool mom.

== ''Scream on Halloween'' ==
:''[Sam enters the building listening to music]''
:'''Carly:''' Hey, here comes Sam.
:'''Freddie:''' Ohh, great! She's gonna see my costume and insult me nineteen different ways.
:''[Sam walks up and sees Freddie in his witch costume. She takes the earphones out of her ears and looks up and down at Freddie's costume. Freddie looks at Sam as if saying &quot;Well?&quot; However, she shakes her head.]''
:'''Sam:''' Too easy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': Well, we're sorry we went in here without permission. But when we saw this furniture…
:'''Sam''': We thought it was too old and gross for anyone to actually use.
:'''Freddie:''' Okay, wait. Something still doesn't make sense. Why did Lewbert tell us that no one lived here?
:'''Lewbert:''' Cause I'm a jerk! Ha, ha, ha, I got you kids good! Score one for Lewbert! Happy Hannukah!
:'''Carly:''' Halloween.
:''[Lewbert splutters incoherently]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Spencer walks in Apartment 8-C, drenched with pumpkin guts from the pumpkin]''
:'''Sam:''' And this is Carly's brother, Spencer.
:'''Carly:''' Any words for our viewers before we sign off?
:''[Spencer walks toward the camera]''
:'''Spencer:''' ''[to camera]'' '''&lt;u&gt;Never&lt;/u&gt;''' forget to buy candy on Halloween.

== ''Spy a Mean Teacher'' ==
:'''Carly''': Freddie?
:'''Freddie''': Yeah?
:'''Carly''': Am I hallucinating, or are we surrounded by 2,000 Randy Jacksons?
:'''Freddie''': ''[nods his head]'' Why does Ms. Briggs have all this stuff?
:'''Carly''': I don't know. I guess if you're gonna be obsessed with an [[w:American Idol|American Idol]] judge, you might as well pick one that's firm but fair.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': Now, I'm going to show you the latest piece of equipment that's going to blow you guys away.
:'''Carly''': What is it?
:'''Sam''': You buy yourself a robot girlfriend?
:'''Freddie''': I don't need a robot girlfriend. Because in 20 years, I guarantee you, I will be Carly's second husband.
:'''Carly''': What happened to my first husband?
:'''Freddie''': Nothing you can prove.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Carly''': What did you get?
:'''Freddie''': It's a teeny video camera disguised as a piece of pie! ''[takes out a giant plastic piece of pie with a very conspicuous camera lens on it. Carly and Sam laugh]''
:'''Sam''': Yeah, who wouldn't that fool?
:'''Freddie''': It looks real.
:'''Carly''': Yeah. Like a real piece of pie with a camera lens on the side!
:'''Sam''': Look, it comes with a giant fork! ''[holds up the fork]''
:'''Freddie''': Give it! ''[snatches fork back]'' This is a quality piece of spy equipment!
:'''Sam''': My Aunt Maggie's boobs look more real than that. And they're ridiculous.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Spencer persuades his date Connie to juggle, who starts to do so just as Freddie catches his attention with the fake pie]'' 
:'''Freddie''': Don't mind me, I'm just a guy having some pie! 
:'''Spencer''': Hey, is that one of those pie-spy video cameras? 
:'''Freddie''': No, it is not. 
:'''Connie''': Oh, yeah, they were talking about those on the Food Channel... Or was it the Spy Channel? 
:'''Spencer''': You know, I think it was the Spy Channel. 
:'''Freddie''': I don't know what you guys are talking about! This is just a normal piece of pie that ''doesn't record anything!''
:'''Spencer''': But there's a big lens on the side. 
:'''Freddie''': ''[frustrated]'' Oh, just forget it! ''[goes back upstairs]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:''[Carly and Freddie are spying on Ms. Briggs with the fake pie in tow at her house and decide that she is boring, so they decide to leave, but just as they turn to walk away, a bee flies around them]''
:'''Freddie''': ''[waving his arms to shoo the bee away]'' Hey, go away! Get out of here! 
:'''Carly''': It's just a bee. 
:'''Freddie''': You don't understand; I am ''extremely'' allergic to bees! Get out of here, you stupid bee! I think he wants my pie!
:'''Carly''': That ''is'' a stupid bee. ''[Freddie hands Carly the fake pie, runs, falls over, gets up and runs for the entrance to Ms. Briggs' house to flee from the bee]'' Where are you going? 
:'''Freddie''': I can't get stung! ''[he goes inside]'' 
:'''Carly''': Are you insane?! Get out of Ms. Briggs' apartment! You can't just... ''[the bee continues to fly all around her as she waves her arms to get the bee to fly away]'' Get away! It's a fake pie! Can't you see the big lens on the side?! ''[she drops the pie and runs inside]'' '''''It's a fake pie!'''''

== ''Will Date Freddie'' ==
:'''Freddie''': Yup, we've gone out every night this week. I'd say we're almost officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
:'''Sam''': So, which one are you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam:''' Come here, Freddie!
:'''Freddie:''' Leave me alone, Sam! Sam? What are you gonna--? ''[Sam pushes Freddie out of the room. He crawls to the other room, while Carly and Sam follow him. He gets up]'' That was assault!
:'''Carly:''' Why are you quitting ''iCarly?''
:'''Sam:''' Yeah, why?
:'''Freddie:''' Well, 'cause-- 'Cause maybe I don't like the way Sam treats me!
:'''Carly:''' Oh, come on.
:'''Freddie:''' Yeah, she's always putting me down, and calling me mean names, and every time I get an ice cream cone, she takes it and she licks it! She just licks it all over the place, just to bug me!
:'''Carly:''' Great. Now what's the real reason?
:'''Freddie:''' Okay. Valerie wants to do a web show, and she asked me to be her tech producer.
:'''Sam:''' So you're just gonna ditch ''iCarly'' for another web show?
:'''Carly:''' That's competing against us?
:'''Freddie:''' Valerie's my girlfriend. What am I supposed to do?
:'''Sam''': ''[bluntly]'' Dump the chick! How about that?
:'''Freddie:''' You know, you guys were the ones who talked me into going out with her in the first place, and now I'm the bad guy?
:'''Sam:''' Look, Freddie, you better just--
:'''Carly:''' Stop. He's right. He should help his girlfriend.
:'''Freddie:''' Thanks. And I wasn't gonna leave you guys with no help. I got you guys a new tech producer. If you want him.
:'''Sam:''' Who?
:'''Freddie:''' He's really good with the tech stuff.
:'''Sam:''' Who?

== ''Want a World Record'' ==
:'''Sam:'''  This thing is full of top-notch freaks, mutants and psychos!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie:''' Uh... We were down for about 4 seconds.
:'''Carly:''' Well... that's not a problem, right?
:'''Marilyn:''' I'm sorry, guys. To break the world record, your webcast had to be continuous.
:''[Carly, Freddie and Sam complain]''
:'''Carly:''' Haven't you ever heard of the five second rule?
:'''Marilyn:''' That's for eating food off the floor.
:'''Carly:''' Well, I feel that that rule could apply here nicely.
:'''Marilyn:''' I'm really sorry.

== ''Rue the Day'' ==
:'''Carly:''' Freddie, what do you think went wrong?
:'''Freddie:''' I'm not sure, but I'd bet my whole month's allowance that all of my equipment was working perfectly!
:'''Carly:''' Ooh, you'd bet a whole $8?
:'''Sam:''' Your mom only gives you $8 a month?
:'''Freddie:''' She's afraid that if she gives me more, I'll buy a bus ticket and leave her.
:'''Carly:''' That's so dumb!
:'''Freddie:''' Yeah, not really.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam:''' I can't believe Mr. Cline gave me a D on that test. How'd I get a D?
:'''Carly:''' You only answered half the questions, then told Mr. Cline the test was stupid, then burped, then left.
:'''Sam:''' And that's not worth a D+?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly:''' Will you ask the Plain White T's to perform on iCarly?
:'''Spencer:''' Will you take a digital picture of my back?
:'''Carly:''' Yes!
:'''Spencer:''' Then, yes!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Papperman:''' Nevel! Come kiss Mommy good-bye!
:'''Nevel:''' ''[embarrassed]'' All right, mother! ''[to Carly]'' Better find a new hobby, Carly, 'cause your web show is officially canceled, ''by '''me!''''' ''[he shuts off his telecast]''
:'''Carly:''' I hate him.
:'''Nevel:''' ''[turns his telecast back on]'' I heard that. ''[turns it off again]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam:''' Wow, Freddie, I like seeing you all feisty.
:'''Freddie:''' That's the Freddie way.
:'''Carly:''' I thought the Freddie way was a toasted bagel with grape jelly.
:'''Freddie:''' That's the Freddie ''Breakfast'' Way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nevel's grandma walks in and sees Freddie dangling from the ceiling]''
:'''Nevel's Grandma:''' Ooh, spider!
:''[She leaves and gets an umbrella]''
:'''Freddie:''' Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! We have a situation.
:'''Carly:''' What's wrong?
:'''Freddie:''' I think Nevel's grandmother just walked in.
:'''Sam:''' Don't worry, Nevel said she's hopelessly confused.
:'''Carly:''' Okay, we've got the cable hooked up. Now what?
:'''Freddie:''' Okay. There's a file on my desktop called VL2.exe. Drag that onto his hard drive.
:'''Carly:''' Okay.
:'''Freddie:''' After you do that, just unhook-- ''[Nevel's grandma walks back in with an umbrella]'' Hi, there.
:'''Nevel's Grandma:''' '''''SPIDER!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nevel's Grandma:''' Who are you?
:'''Carly:''' We're your... personal trainers.
:'''Sam:''' Come on. Let's do some squat thrusts.
:'''Carly:''' Squat and thrust.
:'''Carly and Sam:''' Ready? Just squat and thrust. One... Two... Three..
:''[Sam continues to instruct Nevel's Grandma while Carly helps Freddie down]''
:'''Carly:''' Sam, let's go.
:''[Carly, Sam, and Freddie leave while Nevel's Grandma continues to squat thrust while fake-counting]''
:'''Nevel's Grandma:''' Three. W. Mustard.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie:''' Well, better tell Spencer to cancel the Plain White T's.
:'''Sam:''' Oh, man, this bites.
:'''Freddie:''' Well, we can't do ''iCarly'' as long as Nevel controls our site.
:'''Nevel:''' ''[turns his telecast back on hearing their conversation; tauntingly]'' So true.
:'''Carly:''' ''[angrily]'' '''''Get off my monitor!''''' ''[angrily walks to the computer, unplugs it, and picks up a phone]''
:'''Freddie:''' Who are you calling?
:'''Carly:''' You'll see.
:'''Sam:''' You ordering pizza?
:'''Carly:''' ''[annoyed]'' No! ''[Sam sits on the couch]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nevel:''' And now, on ''iCarly,'' I will sing a song all about my web cast. ''[singing in a tone similar to &quot;Old MacDonald Had a Farm&quot;]'' ''♪ I have a web show that I do, it is really bad! ♪''
:'''Sam:''' How can this not be infuriating you?!
:'''Carly:''' Just keep watching.
:'''Nevel:''' ''♪ And boring too, it makes people sad! With a boring here and-- ♪'' ''[noticing that military soldiers are in his house]'' What are you people doing here? I demand a--
:'''Colonel Morgan:''' '''''QUIET!'''''
:'''Nevel:''' Yes, sir.

== ''Promise Not To Tell'' ==
:'''Spencer:''' Lamp. Lamp. Lamp! 
:'''Carly:''' I think it knows it's a lamp.
:'''Spencer:''' No, I want it to turn on. Lamp! Do you need a ride to school?
:'''Carly:''' No, Freddie's mom's gonna drive us. And look what I'm gonna hand in today.
:'''Spencer:''' You finished your history report?
:'''Carly:''' No, I finished the greatest history report in the history of history reports.
:'''Spencer:''' Nice. So what's it--?
:'''Carly: ''DON'T TOUCH IT!''''' ''[Spencer squeals in shock]'' Sorry, I just have to keep this report looking absolutely perfect. I've never worked harder on anything in my life. And guess what?
:'''Spencer:''' What? Lamp! What?
:'''Carly:''' If I get an &quot;A&quot; on this, that means I'll get an &quot;A&quot; for the semester, which means I'll have straight A's on my report card for the first time ever!
:'''Spencer:''' I'm very proud of you. ''[at lamp]'' Lamp! ''[annoyed]'' Gah! Why won't it work?
:'''Carly:''' Let me see the instructions.
:'''Spencer:''' Good luck, they're in Japanese.
:'''Carly:''' Well, did you try saying &quot;Lamp&quot; in Japanese?
:'''Spencer:''' I did not! How do you say it?
:'''Carly:''' It looks like... ''&quot;Rampu.&quot;''
:'''Spencer:''' Okay. ''Rampu. Rampu. '''RAMPU!''' [Lamp turns on]''
:'''Carly:''' Hey!
:'''Spencer:''' It worked!
:'''Carly:''' Yeah, you just got to say it like a really angry Japanese man!
:'''Spencer:''' '''''RAMPU!''''' ''[lamp turns off]'' Come try! ''[Carly sits down next to Spencer]''
:'''Carly and Spencer:''' ''[repeatedly]'' '''''RAMPU!''''' ''[Freddie walks in and stares at them for a moment, then walks back out slowly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly:''' You gave me a B?! But I thought you said it was the best in the class!
:'''Mr. Devlin:''' It was. But, it was printed on 3-hole paper, which I despise.
:'''Carly:''' Then just let me re-print it for you, on paper that is completely hole-free!
:'''Mr. Devlin:''' Reports can only be submitted once. Silly little truffle.
:'''Carly:''' But this means I'll get a B-plus for the semester! 
:'''Mr. Devlin:''' Yes. Congratulations. 
:'''Carly:''' ''[angrily]'' I'd like to punch three holes in him, that's what I'd like to do. 
:'''Sam:''' ''[walking back to Carly's apartment]'' Tell you what. on the next iCarly, we tell everyone to go egg Mr. Devlin's house. (Realistically, he'd get angry and he'll hate it.)
:'''Carly:''' Nah, he'd probably like it, 'cause eggs don't have three holes!
:'''Freddie:''' I told you not to take his class. 
:'''Carly:''' Yes, thank you, Freddie. 
:'''Spencer:''' Well, if it isn't my straight-A little sister, Carl-ay.
:'''Carly:''' Don't call me &quot;Carl-ay&quot; 'cause I... 
:'''Spencer:''' To celebrate your straight A's, I'm making you a giant &quot;A&quot; made out of a bunch of smaller A's that I found. 
:'''Carly:'''Spencer... - 
:'''Spencer:''' Your &quot;A&quot; is gonna be huge! And when it's all done... - 
:'''Carly:''' I'm not getting straight A's. Mr Devlin gave me a B on my report, even though he said it was flawless. 
:'''Spencer:''' Why'd you get a B? 
:'''Carly:''' Cause I printed it on &quot;three-hole paper&quot;.
:'''Freddie:''' Mr Devlin's, like, the strictest teacher in school. 
:'''Spencer:''' Yeah, I know. He used to be lunch room monitor. He gave me detention. 
:'''Sam:''' For? 
:'''Spencer:''' Playing with my fruit. 
:'''Carly:''' Listen, it was really cool of you to make this big A for me, but would you mind taking it apart?
:'''Spencer:''' Carly... 
:'''Carly:''' Seriously, if I'm not gonna get straight A's, then I'd rather not be reminded of... Of what almost was.
:'''Spencer:''' Aw, who needs a hug? 
:'''Carly:''' Me. 
:'''Sam:''' Hey, how do you turn this lamp on?
:'''Spencer:''' Rampu!
:''[Carly jumps]''


&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Hello, Sam.
:'''Sam:''' Mornin', Ted.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' ''[sternly]'' ''Sam?''
:'''Sam:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Good morning, Principal Franklin!
:'''Principal Franklin:''' ''[smiles; not understanding Sam's sarcasm]'' Thank you. Now, what trouble have you gotten in over the past week?
:'''Sam:''' Let's see. I got yelled at by Ms Briggs for getting an &quot;F&quot; on a quiz.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Why did you fail the quiz?
:'''Sam:''' I didn't know the answers.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Right. Anything else?
:'''Sam:''' Ooh! I got kicked out of the cafeteria for slapping Gibby with a piece of pizza.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Why did you slap Gibby with a piece of pizza?
:'''Sam:''' I found it on the floor; I wasn't gonna eat it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Sam, just sit quietly and try not to break anything.
:'''Sam:''' No promises.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie:''' Let me up!
:'''Carly:''' Not if you're gonna tell on Sam!
:'''Freddie:''' Then you tell.
:'''Carly:''' No, I swore to Sam. We have to come up with a way to fix this without telling on Sam.
:'''Freddie:''' Why would Sam change my grade? And make it better? She hates me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie:''' Oh, and uh, just for the record, the only reason you pinned me down like that is 'cause I wasn't ready.
:'''Carly:''' Are you ready now?
:'''Freddie:''' Yeah, why? ''[she pins him to the ground again as he struggles to break free from her]'' Can we please not tell anyone about this?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Wembley:''' Please complete exercises 7 and 9.
:'''Carly:''' What about number 8?
:'''Mr. Wembley:''' ''[whining]'' I'm in charge!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Security Officer:''' We're gonna need to speak to a parent or legal guardian.
:'''Carly:''' ''Spencer!''
:'''Spencer:''' ''[from another room]'' ''I am in the bathtub!''
:''[the security officers get confused]''
:'''Freddie:''' ''[to security officers]'' Are we under arrest?
:'''Carly:''' ''[to the security officers]'' Are you going to take us to juvie?
:'''Freddie:''' ''[scared]'' I don't want to go to juvie!
:'''Carly:''' They're gonna take us to juvie! ''[they both start moaning in fear]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines of the episode]''
:'''Carly:''' Spencer!
:'''Spencer:''' Hey, I thought ''iCarly--''
:'''Carly:''' I didn't really get straight A's!
:'''Spencer:''' Huh?
:'''Carly:''' ''[talking fast]'' Mr. Devlin gave me a B+, then Sam changed my grade in the school's computer, Freddie and I tried to change it back, that's why the CSA came here, I lied to Principal Franklin, I made Karen Yamakao cry, and my hair is falling out; Look it! ''[takes a small bit of her hair off]''
:'''Spencer:''' So I have to take apart my big A again?
:'''Carly:''' Tell me what to do!
:'''Spencer:''' Why can't you tell Principal Franklin the truth?
:'''Carly:''' 'Cause I promised Sam I wouldn't tell anybody.
:'''Spencer:''' Did you ankle-shake on it?
:'''Carly:''' Yes!
:'''Spencer:''' ''[shocked]'' Oh, my God.
:'''Freddie:''' ''[running down the stairs]'' Hey, are you all right?
:'''Sam:''' ''[also running down the stairs]'' What happened?
:'''Carly:''' Sam, I'm sorry. I told Spencer everything.
:'''Sam:''' What kind of world do we live in where an ankle-shake means nothing any more?
:'''Carly:''' I didn't wanna break my promise, but the guilt was eating me alive! ''[plops on the couch]''  What do I do?!
:'''Spencer:''' Come on, you're a smart little Carly. So you should know, sometimes, doing what's right is more important than keeping a promise. One more thing.
:'''Carly:''' What?!
:'''Spencer:''' ''[holds up a pair of clippers]'' There's an &quot;A&quot; stuck to your butt. ''[takes it off her]''
:'''Carly:''' That's so embarrassing!
:''[camera swaps to Principal Franklin's office]''
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Carly. I was just--
:'''Carly:''' I have to tell you something.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' All right.
:'''Carly:''' I changed my grade in Honor's History because I thought I deserved an &quot;A.&quot; Then I felt bad about it so I tried to change it back, but the CSA stopped me before I could, and then I lied to you about your birthday, which I really didn't care about at all.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' So, you want the microwave back?
:'''Carly:''' No, you can keep the microwave. But I feel terrible about this whole thing and I just wanna make it right.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' I see. And you were the one who changed your grade to an A in the school's computer?
:'''Carly:''' Yes, sir.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Because Freddie just told me that ''he'' was the one who hacked the school's computer and changed your grade to an &quot;A.&quot;
:''[Carly sees Freddie behind her]''
:'''Freddie:''' Hiya.
:'''Sam:''' ''[also enters]'' Okay. It was me, all right? ''I'' hacked the computer and ''I'' changed the grades.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Now, that I believe.
:'''Sam:''' And the only reason they didn't tell on me was 'cause I made them promise not to. And I was wrong to do that to a friend.
:'''Carly:''' ''[to Sam]'' Thanks. ''[to Principal Franklin]'' So, are we in trouble?
:'''Principal Franklin:''' I get to keep the microwave?
:'''Carly:''' It's all yours.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Then I think, under the circumstances, you and Freddie are off the hook.
:'''Carly:''' Awesome.
:'''Freddie:''' Thanks.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' But as for Sam--
:'''Sam:''' Yeah, yeah. Don't get all dramatic; Just hit me with it.
:'''Principal Franklin:''' ''[typing on the computer]'' Detention, twice a week for six weeks. I'm sorry, Sam.
:'''Sam:''' Hey, I gotta learn my lesson.
:''[school bell rings]''
:'''Principal Franklin:''' Ah. Time for assembly. Shall we? ''[he, Carly, Sam and Freddie leave the Principal's Office, but Sam returns]''
:'''Sam:''' Let's make my detention ''once'' a week... for ''two'' weeks. ''[an angry Carly pulls her by the hair]'' Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair... ''[the screen fades to black, ending the episode, implying that Principal Franklin changed the detention back to twice a week for six weeks]''

== ''Am Your Biggest Fan'' ==
:'''Carly''': ''[picks up show idea card]'' &quot;Carly and Sam roll Freddie in bread crumbs and bake him at 350 degrees&quot;?
:''[Freddie looks at Sam in shock]''
:'''Sam''': Just until he's golden brown!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Spencer is finished setting up a drum set and begins drumming, which causes it to fall apart shortly afterwards]''
:'''Spencer''': ...I rock too hard. &lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Spencer''': Want to see me rock out? ''[Carly and Sam agree. Spencer starts playing the drums and one of the cymbals mysteriously catches fire]'' How can that even happen?! 
:''[Carly gets the fire extinguisher and extinguishes the cymbal]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Sam''': Hey, can I sleep over tonight?
:'''Carly''': You don't want to go home?
:'''Sam''': Nah... When my mom buys a new bikini, she usually likes to wear it around the house for a few days to &quot;break it in.&quot; If you're my friend, you won't make me look at that.  &lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[after Spencer's new &quot;invention&quot; bursts into flames]''
:'''Carly''': Electrical wiring just isn't your thing.
:'''Spencer''': No, it is not.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Carly''': ''[reading the band's letter to Spencer]'' &quot;Dear Splinter.&quot;
:'''Spencer''': He never did learn my name. 
:'''Carly''': &quot;Thanks for getting us booked on Seattle Beat. You rock for that. Unfortunately, your drumming is suckish.&quot; Aw.
:'''Spencer''': That's where I said &quot;Aw&quot;, too.
:'''Carly''': &quot;So we've decided to go ahead with our appearance on Seattle Beat, but we're kicking you out of the band. Also, we took the rest of the deviled eggs and stole your drums. Take care, Blake.&quot; Well, that wasn't nice at all
:'''Spencer''': Nope.
:'''Carly''': I'm sorry.
:'''Spencer''': Thanks. I'm just sitting here, listening to their music.
:'''Carly''': Well, don't do that! They're mean people.
:'''Spencer''': I know. But their music is so good!

== ''Heart Art'' ==
:'''Carly''': Spencer, it's been four hours. I think you need to get off the kitchen table?
:'''Spencer''': Why? Is Santa Claus here to tell me I'm ugly and have no friends?
:'''Carly''': Spencer, get up. ''[tries to move Spencer]'' Come on, get off the table.
:'''Spencer''': ''[at the same time]'' No... I'm comfy right... ''[screams and falls to the floor]'' Ow.
:'''Carly''': You weren't supposed to fall on the floor.
:'''Spencer''': Well, you know... gravity.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Freddie''': I would've been here sooner, but, uh, I was helping my mom knit a sweater. Any comment? 
:'''Sam''': Aw, please let me insult you once for free! 
:'''Freddie''': Nope! Five bucks an insult!
:'''Sam''': Then I think it's very sweet you were helping your mommy knit. 
:'''Freddie''': Impressive. 
:'''Sam''': You're just lucky I'm broke.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': Really, you wanna kiss me?
:'''Sam''': Are you kidding me, I'd rather... not do that at this time, but thank you for your kind offer.

== ''Hate Sam's Boyfriend'' ==
:'''Freddie''': Well... I know how we could get back at her.
:'''Carly''': Huh?
:'''Freddie''': You and I should start dating. That way--
:'''Carly''': ''[irritated]'' FREDDIE!
:'''Freddie''': I know!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': Hello, ladies, or should I say lady and ''Sam.''
:''[Sam sprays Freddie with her cheese in a can]''
:'''Sam''': ''[Carly takes her cheese in a can out of her hand]'' Hey!
:'''Carly''': You can have this back when you learn to use squirt-able cheese responsibly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': Hey, what's going on over here?
:'''Sam''': Oh, Carly's brother is making a movie.
:'''Jonah''': Check out this dude! ''(grabs the alien from the set)''
:'''Carly''': NO, DON'T TOUCH THAT!!
:'''Spencer''': ''[coming downstairs]'' Okay, Mr. Space hamster, we're -- ''[Drops his tools in horror]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''OHHHHHH MYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOD!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; MY MOVIE IS RUINED! I have to start all over again! And my deadline's in less than 24 hours!
:'''Jonah''': Ha, ha, look, its arm came off!
:'''Spencer''': Ha, ha, yeah... Why don't you stay for dinner and RIP MY HEART OUT!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': What are you doing?
:'''Jonah''': Kiss me.
:'''Carly''': What?!
:'''Jonah''': Sam doesn't have to know. [tries to kiss Carly, but she flicks him] Ow! Did you just thump me?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': Hey Spencer, how's the--
:'''Spencer''': CARLY, FREDDIE'S HERE! 14,325... ''[Carly runs down the stairs]''
:'''Carly''': I'm freaking out, Freddie! Freaking out! ''[pulls Freddie to the kitchen]''
:'''Freddie''': Did you talk to Jonah?
:'''Carly''': Yeah, and he tried to kiss me! He totally tried to kiss me!
:'''Freddie''': No way!
:'''Carly''': Yeah!
:'''Freddie''': Are you sure Jonah tried to kiss you?
:'''Carly''': Well, let's see. He said, &quot;Kiss me,&quot; then puckered his lips. So, call me crazy, but I think the boy wanted some Carly-kissing!
:'''Freddie''': That jerk! No one tries to kiss ''my'' girl! ''[Carly gives him a look]'' (Sorry. Let me rephrase that.) No one tries to kiss you!

== ''Hatch Chicks'' ==
:'''Carly''': We got cereal.
:'''Sam''': Milk?
:'''Carly''': Out of milk.
:'''Sam''': I'll use root beer.
:'''Spencer''': You guys? Any reason I just found this in my shower?
:'''Carly''': Oh, my gosh.
:'''Sam''': A chick.
:'''Spencer''': Yeah, I picked him up thinking he was a bar of soap. Good thing I realized before… ''[stops]'' Never mind.
:'''Sam''': But how could there be a…
:'''Carly''': Our chicks haven't hatched yet.
:'''Sam''': Or…
:'''Carly''': WE'RE MOTHERS! ''[Carly and Sam scream as they run upstairs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': I was watching the egg cam. I can't believe they already hatched. Aw, man, did Sam eat 'em?
:'''Sam''': I wouldn't eat baby chicks. Raw.
:'''Carly''': They escaped.
:'''Freddie''': What?
:'''Sam''': Spencer found one in the bathroom downstairs, so the other ones could be anywhere in this whole apartment.
:'''Freddie''': Wait. I thought newborn chicks have to stay in their incubator.
:'''Carly''': They do.
:'''Sam''': How long can they be out?
:'''Carly''': I don't know. Let's go online and find out. Hurry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': Just walk towards me, you nutty little [[bird|chick]]!
:'''Sam''': Try to grab him!
:''[The chick, Yoko, looks like it’s saying “Really?”]''
:'''Carly''': ''[sarcastically]'' Wow, if only I'd thought of that!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': It says that baby [[birds|chicks]] need to be kept at 90 degrees.
:'''Carly''': What's the temperature in here?
:'''Spencer''': 72.
:'''Carly''': Turn the heat up to 90!
:'''Spencer''': 90 degrees?
:'''Sam''': No, 90 pickles. Yes, 90 degrees!
:'''Spencer''': No need to be hurtful.

== ''Don't Want To Fight'' ==

:'''Freddie''': You know, they say when a girl constantly rips on a guy, it really just means she has a crush on him.
:'''Sam''': Yeah, but I wasn't ripping on a guy...I was ripping on ''you''.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam''': First off, Carly said the shirt was no big deal. And the tickets I got were for Cuttlefish, a concert that Carly told me she was dying to go to. It's her favorite band.
:'''Freddie''': Let the record show that Carly ''is'' fond of Cuttlefish.
:'''Sam''': So yeah, I traded the shirt, but it was to get something Carly wanted a lot. Something the two of us could've done together. And Carly refused to go to the concert so--
:'''Carly''': I would've gone with you if you'd just apologized.
:'''Sam''': Um, she interrupted me. Yank her ponytail.
:'''Freddie''': Nah, I'm gonna allow it.
:'''Sam''': Why?
:'''Freddie''': Because I love her.

== ''Promote Techfoots'' ==
:'''Daka President Greg Hovarth (Kevin Symmons):''' Well, you know when you put out a new shoe, they always have a few minor problems.
:'''Sam''': &quot;Minor&quot;?
:'''Freddie''': What would be a major problem?
:'''Carly''': If they came to life in the middle of the night and ate your family?
:'''Daka President Greg Hovarth''': I live alone.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sonya''': ''[while the Daka Employees are giving the group money]'' Blueberry muffin?
:'''Braxley''': ''[takes one, but the Daka President slaps his hand]'' I'm stupid.
:'''Sam''': Keep it coming...
:'''Freddie''': This is good.
:'''Carly''': This is fun. This is a fun time.

== ''Got Detention'' ==
:'''Mr. Howard (David St. James)''': NO LAUGHING! ''I hate children!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Howard''': Well, tough kumquats.
:'''Sam''': Tough what?
:'''Mr. Howard''': ''[rips the face guard from Sam hitting him with a football]'' Ow! Kumquats! Oh! 
:'''Sam''': Kumquats?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam''': Hey. 
:'''Freddie''': Hello, Sam. 
:'''Sam'''' Why do you look all guilty? 
:'''Freddie''': I did something bad to get detention.
:'''Sam''': What did you do? 
:'''Freddie''': You'll see. 
:'''Mr. Palladino''': All right, class, everyone please sit.
:'''Freddie'''; Hey, Gibby, go ask Mr. Palladino to staple those together. 
:'''Gibby''': What for?
:'''Freddie''': Just do it! Go!
:'''Gibby''': Hey, Mr. Palladino, can you staple these papers together? 
:'''Mr. Palladino'''' Certainly, Gibby. That's odd. I don't see the stapler anywhere. 
:'''Freddie'''' I have it. 
:'''Sam''': Wow. You are a maniac. 
:'''Mr. Palladino''': I'm sorry, Gibby. I can't find the stapler.
:'''Freddie''': That's right, cause I took it. 
:'''Mr. Palladino''': Ah, yes. Thank you, Freddie. There you are, Gibby.
:'''Gibby''': Here. 
:'''Freddie''': Keep them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Freddie and Sam sneak into the principal's office]''
:'''Sam''': Dude, this is the principal's office!
:'''Freddie''': I know! I'm so bad. Look what I did! ''[pulls up the window blinds to reveal a spray-painted insult]''
:'''Sam''': ''[reading the words on the window]'' &quot;Freddie says: Principal Franklin-
:'''Sam and Freddie''': &quot;-sucks eggs!&quot;
:'''Freddie''': Ha, ha!
:'''Sam''': Impressive, that might get you ''double'' detention!
:'''Freddie''': Yep! When Principal Franklin sees that, you better believe he's gonna--
:''[A janitor washes the paint off the window to Freddie's horror]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Stern''': Who pulled that fire alarm?
:'''Carly''': It was me.
:'''Mr. Stern''': Well, thank goodness you did, the microwave in the teacher's lounge just burst into flames.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': We're supposed to be doing the iCarly 50th Webshow Spectacular from detention in five hours and Sam's the only one who's gonna be there. ''Why's it so hard to get detention?!'' ''[furiously slams her locker closed]''
:'''Mr. Howard''': Who slammed that locker?
:'''Carly''': Me?
:'''Mr. Howard''': Detention!
:'''Carly''': Really?
:'''Mr. Howard''': ''Tonight!''
:'''Carly''': Yay!
:'''Mr. Howard''': Yay?
:'''Carly''': Darn...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Howard:''' I have ears like a hawk! I distinctly heard laughter! And I hate laughter!
:'''Sam:''' I thought you hated your wife.
:'''Mr. Howard:''' Her, too! Now keep your mouths shut! ''[closes the door and leaves]''
:'''Carly:''' ''[as she and Sam look at the camera; sarcastically]'' Isn't he &quot;charming&quot;?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Howard''': Do I smell burritos?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Howard''': ''[after catching the students; angrily and confused]'' A video camera?! Turtles?! Burritos?! What is going on here?!
:'''Carly''': ''[hesitantly]'' The iCarly 50th Web-Show Spectacular? ''[Sam hesitantly presses 5th button which plays a recording of a cheering crowd; Carly angrily snatches the remote from Sam]''
:'''Mr. Howard''': ''[angrily; stupidly thinking he had won]'' You're all really in trouble now. I am talking suspension! I am talking expulsion! Deportation! ''[Principal Franklin appears, but Mr. Howard doesn't notice]'' And you can all start with ''500'' push-ups! I don't care what Principal Franklin has to say about it. 
:'''Principal Franklin''': ''[sternly]'' (Oh, really?) You don't?
:'''Mr. Howard''': ''[angrily]'' No! I-- ''[sees Principal Franklin; alarmed]'' Oh! ''[embarrassed]'' Oh, dear. Pr-- Principal Franklin.
:'''Carly''': What are you doing here? 
:'''Principal Franklin''': Well, I was at home, watching the iCarly 50th Web-Show Spectacular. ''[to Carly and Sam; pleased]'' Congratulations, by the way. My kids and I love your show.
:'''Carly:''' Wow.
:'''Sam:''' Awesome.
:'''Principal Franklin''': ''[becomes serious again]'' While I was watching, I heard Mr. Howard...call me a weak, spineless fool.
:'''Mr. Howard''': No, no, no! I Said...uh, sweet. Stylish. Cool.
:'''Principal Franklin''': ''[not believing Mr. Howard]'' (No, you didn't.) In my office.
:'''Mr. Howard''': But I--
:'''Principal Franklin''': ''[sternly]'' ''Now.''
:'''Mr. Howard''': ''[walks out of detention room; defeated]'' Why does everything always happen to me?
:'''Carly''': So, now what?
:'''Principal Franklin''': Well, I suppose Mr. Howard has tortured you all enough. Go home.
:'''Carly''': Okay, we're just about done.
:'''Sam''': I'm Sam...
:'''Carly''': I'm Carly...
:'''Principal Franklin''': And I'm Ted.
:'''Carly''' And thanks for watching the iCarly 50th Web-Show Spectacular.
:'''Principal Franklin''': ''[Sam almost pushes 5th button; politely]'' May I?
:'''Sam''': ''[politely]'' Second button from the bottom. ''[Principal Frank pushes said button]''
:'''Singers:''' ''♪ It's iCarly's 50th Web-Show Spectacular. ♪''
:'''Carly and Sam''': Bye! Keep visiting iCarly.com. Don't forget it.
:'''Freddie''': And we're clear.

== ''Stakeout'' ==
:'''Freddie''': Do you really think Sam's gonna make me get a tattoo of her face?
:'''Carly''': I don't know, but if she does, won't your mom freak?
:'''Freddie''': She freaked when I spilled one tiny drop of mustard on my church pants! ''[Carly laughs]'' What?
:'''Carly''': &quot;Church pants!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': Okay, Freddie's never late for iCarly. Are you worried?
:'''Carly''': If I wasn't worried, would I be drinking water with this expression on my face?! ''[she quickly takes a sip of water with a frantic expression]''

== ''Might Switch Schools'' ==
:'''Sam''': ''[about the Briarwood headmaster]'' Of course she'll like Carly! And then, Carly will go there, make all new friends and then bye-bye us!
:'''Freddie''': I don't wanna be bye-byed!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Carly''': Why?!
:'''Sam''': Why what?
:'''Carly''': I'm not playing! Why did you guys intentionally sabotage my interview?! ''(Sam and Freddie take sips of their drinks)'' Don't nonchalantly sip your drinks! Answer me!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''' Phillip Brownley ''': Your Carly Shay, from ICarly right? Phillip Brownley, Briarwood prep.

== ''Fence'' ==
:'''Sam:''' I can read a book!
:'''Freddie:''' Name three books you've read.
:'''Sam:''' ''Boogie Bear,'' ''Boogie Bear II,'' and ''Boogie Bear III: The Return of Boogie Bear.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly:''' Who's the dude?
:'''Sam:''' David, I hired him to read the book to me.
:'''Carly:''' Then why is he rubbing your feet?
:'''Sam:''' Because he was late. So, I started reading it myself and it is fantastic! These things are great! It's like TV in your head!
:'''Carly:''' Well, I'm glad you like reading. But I still don't see why David's rubbing your feet.
:'''Sam:''' I already paid the kid; I had to make him do something.
:'''David:''' ''[pleading]'' Please call my mother.

== ''Carly Saves TV'' ==

:''[During the pilot for Brad's show:]''
:'''Father''': But Michelle, Why would you accept two dates to the prom but not tell either boy about the other?
:'''Michelle''': Because, Dad, Luke is so sweet. But Brandon is so hot!
:'''Father''': Ah, noodles!
:'''Morgan''': Lame.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spencer''': This is called a guava. ''[starts nodding head]''
:'''Entire class''': Guava. ''[The class starts nodding their heads.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Brad Brenner''': ''[to Sam]'' You're fired.
:'''Carly and Freddie''': What?!
:'''Sam''': Hold on, hold on. If I'm fired, do I get paid for the whole week?
:'''Brad Brenner''': Yeah!
:'''Sam''': Laters. ''[walks out with rib]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carly''': Don't thump him!
:'''Amber Tate''':  Don't even talk to me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': No, I toasted your bagel, cleaned your fish tank, got hacked on by Amber Tate's rat dog, and I even rubbed ice over a sweaty guy's stomach, but I will not plunge your toilet!
:'''Brad Brenner''': Come on, you're my supervising producer.
:'''Freddie''': Well, I ain't supervising what you produced in there! (to Carly) Sorry, Carly. I quit.
:'''Carly''': Well, now, we've lost Sam, Freddie, and Harper.
:'''Brad Brenner''': Oh, everything's gonna be fine.
:'''Carly''': &quot;Fine&quot;? This isn't even iCarly anymore!
:'''Brad Brenner''': Oh, come on, how can you say that.. You know, you're right. This isn't iCarly anymore.

== ''Win a Date'' ==
:'''Carly''': Aww! Poor kid... it must be horrible to love someone who doesn't love you back. ''(Freddie looks at her)'' Sorry.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': ''[holding up a bunch of love notes]'' These are love notes. 
:'''Carly''': Uh-oh, from Shannon? 
:'''Freddie''': Uh-huh! And try taking a test while she's staring at you like this! ''[makes flirty poses while smiling suggestively, imitating Shannon.]''
:'''Carly''': Please never make those faces again.
:'''Freddie''': What's it gonna take to make Shannon understand? ''I don't wanna go out with her!''

== ''Have a Lovesick Teacher''==
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Now, I want you all to write a 10-page essay on the Louisiana purchase.
:'''Carly''': Um, we haven't even gotten to that chapter yet.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Too bad! Sometimes, things happen you're not prepared for!
:'''Carly''': But how are we suppose to write an essay on something you haven't taught us about yet?
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': I don't need your sass, Carly Shay.
:'''Carly''': Sass? Look, it's not fair to make us write 10 pages --
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Let's make it 15 pages, yeah, that's right! Ow... I'm gonna go get some aspirin. Start reading chapter whatever. ''[leaves]''
:'''Carly''': I'm not sassy!
:'''Freddie''': Her boyfriend must have dumped her hard.
:'''Sam''': No kidding. The lady is losing it.
:'''Carly''': Sometimes I'm bold, but I'm never sassy!
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Freddie, why aren't you reading chapter whatever?
:'''Freddie''': Oh, um, 'cause I dropped my textbook in the bathtub last night.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Of course. You men are all the same. You lose interest in your textbook and then you just dump it in your filthy bath water!
:'''Carly''':  Ms. Ackerman, you don't need to yell at Freddie in front of the whole class.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Oh, look! More back talk from the sass master!
:'''Carly''': I am NOT the sass master! And it's wrong for you to be mean to Freddie just 'cause your boyfriend broke up with you!
:'''Sam''': Wow, Carls. Maybe you ''are'' the sass master.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Now you go straight to the principal's office!
:'''Carly''': What?
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': You heard me!
:'''Carly''': But--
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': GO!
:'''Carly''': Why do I--
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': NOW!
:'''Carly''': Miss--
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': ''GET OUT!!!''
:'''Carly''': Oh...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddie''': Oh, hey! I uh, just got the new cable for the-- ''(sees Ms. Ackerman in her red dress)'' Whoa!
:'''Carly''': ...I also said whoa.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Hey, Freddie, what are you doing here?
:'''Freddie''': I was just uh, coming over to help work on the web show... with Carly... WHOA!
:'''Carly''': Okay, why don't we go upstairs before you start drooling. ''(pushes him upstairs)''
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Have fun, you guys.
:'''Freddie''': ''(while being pushed, he repeatedly looks at Ms. Ackerman)'' Sick.
:'''Carly''': Go!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': And if the vote says that we shouldn't be together... ''[to Spencer]'' '''''THEN I HATE YOU! AND THE INTERNET!''''' ''[she angrily takes her purse, opens the door, pushes a small vase on the floor and leaves]''
:'''Spencer''': Okay. What was the point of all this? Now she's just gonna be mean and vicious to you guys at school.
:'''Sam''': I don't know.
:'''Freddie''': Lot of people watch iCarly.
:'''Sam''': And sometimes...
:'''Carly''': We make sure certain ''specific'' people watch.
:'''Freddie''': Yes. Yes, we do.
:'''Spencer''': ''[suspiciously]'' You guys are up to something, and ''[alarmed]'' '''''I DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT IT IS!''''' ''[runs off]''
:''[camera swaps to Lauren's classroom]''
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': I hope you haven't made any plans for this weekend, 'cause you're all gonna be up to your eyeballs in homework.
:'''Sam''': ''[whispering]'' When?
:'''Carly''': ''[whispering]'' Soon.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': And today you will write 1,000 words on why men are dirty, rotten, stinktaitious, ungrateful, aw-- ''[she gets interrupted by FBI Agents]''
:'''FBI Agent 1''': Lauren Ackerman?
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Yes? Who are you, people?
:'''FBI Agent 1''': FBI.
:'''FBI Agent 2''': You're under arrest. ''[he grabs her hands to handcuff her]''
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Arrest? For what?
:'''FBI Agent 1''': For 500 counts of illegally downloading music on the internet.
:''[the iCarly gang smiles]''
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': Well, you have no proof!
:'''FBI Agent 1''': Yes, we do. Ma'am? ''[Carly throws the pear pod to him, and he shows it to her teacher]'' I believe all the proof we need is on this pear pod.
:'''FBI Agent 2''': And you admitted it last night on those kids' web show.
:'''FBI Agent 1''': Which we recorded.
:'''Ms. Ackerman''': You set me up!
:'''Freddie''': That's a lie!
:'''Carly''': No, we set her up.
:'''Freddie''': Oh, yeah.
:''[the FBI agents take her away and the class cheers while the iCarly gang high fives each other]''
:'''Sam''': So, now what do we do?
:'''Freddie''': Yeah, we should probably tell principal Franklin that our teacher's been arrested.
:'''Carly''': Or we could go ice skating! ''[the class cheers and pack up as they go outside their classroom]''

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|iCarly}}
[[Category:Television show seasons]]
[[Category:American television seasons]]
[[Category:iCarly seasons]]</text>
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      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1953" sha1="l1r891rosme6b6ag5g4s9bnk7xx2r92" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title|2003 American animated film}}
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire|Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]]'''''  is a [[w:2002 in film|2002 film]] about the gang who go to [[Australia]] to investigate the recent disappearances of the performances at the music festivals, by the so called 'Yowie Yahoo'.
:''Directed by Scott Jeralds. Written by Mark Turosz.''
{{film-stub}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* YEE-OWWW!
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

== Dialogue ==
:'''Velma''': What happened to them?
:'''Russell''': After they lost the contest, they went up to Vampire Rock to camp. They were never heard from again.
:'''Fred''': They just disappeared?
:'''Daniel Illiwara''': The locals believe the Yowie Yahoo turned them into vampires.
:'''Shaggy''': The vampires, the creepy, and like scary--
:'''Daphne''': Alright, Shaggy! We get your point.
----
:''[Scooby gets bitten on the tail by a crocodile, it's commonly remembered as him letting out an exaggerated, high-pitched yelp]''
:'''Scooby''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''YEE-OWWW!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;

== Cast ==
* [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby/Fred
* [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy
* [[Nicole Jaffe]] — Velma
* [[w:Heather North|Heather North]] — Daphne
* [[w:Don Messick|Don Messick]] — Scooby (archival audio)

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2003 films]]
[[Category:2003 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Films about vampires]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Australia]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Sydney]]</text>
      <sha1>l1r891rosme6b6ag5g4s9bnk7xx2r92</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963092</id>
      <parentid>3963091</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T13:36:11Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-38805-91</username>
        <id>3348697</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <origin>3963092</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1953" sha1="cn1rqsfri2osfnh7q70zy4rhqu3j5h4" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title|2003 American animated film}}
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire|Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]]'''''  is a [[w:2002 in film|2002 film]] about the gang who go to [[Australia]] to investigate the recent disappearances of the performances at the music festivals, by the so called 'Yowie Yahoo'.
:''Directed by Scott Jeralds. Written by Mark Turosz.''
{{film-stub}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* YEE-OWWW!
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

== Dialogue ==
:'''Velma''': What happened to them?
:'''Russell''': After they lost the contest, they went up to Vampire Rock to camp. They were never heard from again.
:'''Fred''': They just disappeared?
:'''Daniel Illiwara''': The locals believe the Yowie Yahoo turned them into vampires.
:'''Shaggy''': The vampires, the creepy, and like scary--
:'''Daphne''': Alright, Shaggy! We get your point.
----
:''[Scooby gets bitten on the tail by a crocodile, it's commonly remembered as him letting out an exaggerated, high-pitched yelp]''
:'''Scooby''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''YEE-OWWW!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;

== Cast ==
* [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby/Fred
* [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy
* [[Nicole Jaffe]] — Velma
* [[w:Heather North|Heather North]] — Daphne
* [[w:Don Messick|Don Messick]] — Scooby (archival audio)

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2002 films]]
[[Category:2002 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Films about vampires]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Australia]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Sydney]]</text>
      <sha1>cn1rqsfri2osfnh7q70zy4rhqu3j5h4</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>187611</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963090</id>
      <parentid>3960708</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T13:34:30Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-38805-91</username>
        <id>3348697</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3963090</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2957" sha1="cl0erel52tb0lyffo1wvtbhg8n1pj0n" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster|Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]]''''' is a [[w:2003 in film|2003 film]] about the gang traveling to [[w:Loch Ness|Loch Ness]] and investigating reports of [[w:Loch Ness Monster|its monster]].
:''Directed by Scott Jeralds. Written by Ed Scharlach.''
{{film-stub}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

==Dialogue==
:'''Shannon Blake''': For centuries the Blakes have been falling through trap doors, finding secret passageways, getting kidnapped, and getting caught in traps of our own creation. The Blakes have been famous for being-how should I put this? Danger prone.
:'''Daphne Blake''': [as the gang looks at her] What?
:'''Shaggy, Scooby, Velma and Fred''': Oh, nothing. Love the architecture.

:'''Sir Ian Locksley''': Curse me kilts, can't a man get a decent night's rest without-- ''[notices that his park is destroyed]'' Oh, dear me. No. No, no, no, no! Not the games field. It's ruined. This is an outrage! ''[blames Shaggy and Scooby-Doo]'' Look what you've done!
:'''Shaggy Rogers''': Like, it wasn't our fault! It tried to eat us. We barely survived!
:'''Sir Ian Locksley''': Tell me, what tried to eat you?
:'''Shaggy Rogers''': ''[gulps]'' Like the Loch Ness Monster.
:'''Sir Ian Locksley''': ''[does not believe them, now furious, loses his temper]'' For the last time, there is ''NO'' such thing as the Loch Ness Monster!!!
:'''Professor Fiona Pembrooke''': But, Ian, look. The proof is all around us.
:'''Sir Ian Locksley''': Ms. Blake, I do not wish to spend one more moment at Blake Castle!
:'''Shaggy Rogers''': Like, us neither. We'll call a cab. Hit it, Scoob.
:'''Scooby-Doo''': Taxi.

== Cast ==
* [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby-Doo, Fred, Lachlan Haggart
* [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy
* [[w:Mindy Cohn|Mindy Cohn]] — Velma
* [[Grey DeLisle]] — Daphne, Shannon
* Michael Bell - Duncan

== See also ==
* ''[[What's New, Scooby Doo?]]''
* ''[[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0418141|title=Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}


[[Category:2003 films]]
[[Category:2003 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated horror films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in castles]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Highland (council area)]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Scotland]]
[[Category:Films set in Loch Ness]]</text>
      <sha1>cl0erel52tb0lyffo1wvtbhg8n1pj0n</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Aloha, Scooby-Doo!</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>187612</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963093</id>
      <parentid>3960707</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T13:36:40Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-38805-91</username>
        <id>3348697</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3963093</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2782" sha1="tvo6pgpmyy7kilyqbdrqtsaduu778oc" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Aloha, Scooby-Doo!|Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]]''''' is a [[w:2004 in film|2004 film]] about the gang traveling to [[Hawaii]] and investigating reports of a [[w:Tiki|tiki]] demon.
:''Directed by Tim Maltby. Written by Temple Mathews.'' It premiered on direct to video on February 8, 2005.
{{film-stub}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo! Aloha!

=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
* Fred, could I make a suggestion?

=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
* Let me guess. You wanna leave and never come back.

=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
* Jeepers!

=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===
* Jinkles!

==Dialogue==
:'''Shaggy''': ''[after unintentionally grabbing a snake]'' Whoops! Sorry! Won't happen again!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Auntie Mahina''': If the ancient mythology is true, the Wiki Tiki will sacrifice Manu and Snookie by throwing them into the volcano.
:'''Daphne''': Oh, no!
:'''Fred Jones''': Then we've got to climb up there and stop him.
:'''Auntie Mahina''': You must go and find the entrance to his lair and enter through the mountain.
:'''Shaggy''': You mean, like, through spooky caves and stuff?
:'''Auntie Mahina''': Yes, through spooky caves and stuff.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Fred, could I make a suggestion?
:'''Fred Jones''': Let me guess. You wanna leave and never come back.
:'''Shaggy''': Wow, groovy. It's like you read my mind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Scooby''': Scooby-Dooby-Doo! Aloha!

==Cast==
* [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby-Doo, Fred Jones, Wiki-Tiki, Interviewer
* [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy Rogers
* [[w:Grey DeLisle|Grey DeLisle]] — Daphne Blake, Auntie Mahina, Local Woman #2
* [[w:Mindy Cohn|Mindy Cohn]] — Velma Dinkley
* [[w:Ray Bumatai|Ray Bumatai]] — Little Jim
* [[Teri Garr]] — Mayor Molly Quinn
* [[Adam West]] — Jared Moon
* [[Tom Kenny]] — Ruben Laluna
* [[Dee Bradley Baker]] — Additional Voices
* [[w:Tia Carrere|Tia Carrere]] — Snookie, Local Woman

== See also ==
* ''[[What's New, Scooby Doo?]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0433771|title=Aloha, Scooby-Doo!}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}


[[Category:2004 films]]
[[Category:2004 American animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films‎]]
[[Category:Films set on islands]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Hawaii]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Moana (2016 film)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>192609</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963097</id>
      <parentid>3960515</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T14:42:10Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Moana */</comment>
      <origin>3963097</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="13796" sha1="kgot1pp7vajkq1l6q5ter3hm3hboqo7" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Moana (2016 film)|Moana]]''''' is a 2016 American 3D [[w:Live-action animation|computer-animated]] [[w:comedy|comedy]] [[w:musical|musical]] fantasy adventure film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]]. It is the 56th Disney animated feature film. The film tells the story of Moana (voiced by [[w:Auli'i Cravalho|Auli'i Cravalho]]), the strong-willed daughter of the chief of a [[w:Polynesian|Polynesian]] tribe, who is chosen by the ocean itself to reunite a mystical relic with a goddess. When a blight strikes her island, Moana sets sail in search of Maui (voiced by [[w:Dwayne Johnson|Dwayne Johnson]]), a legendary [[w:demigod|demigod]], in hopes to save her people.

:''Directed by [[w:John Musker|John Musker]] and [[w:Ron Clements|Ron Clements]], Co-Directed by [[w:Don Hall (filmmaker)|Don Hall]] and [[w:Chris Williams (director)|Chris Williams]]. Screenplay by [[w:Jared Bush|Jared Bush]]. Story by Ron Clements, John Musker, Chris Williams, Don Hall, [[w:Pamela Ribon|Pamela Ribon]], [[w:Aaron and Jordan Kandell|Aaron Kandell and Jordan Kandell]]. Songs by [[w:Lin-Manuel Miranda|Lin-Manuel Miranda]], [[w:Opetaia Foaʻi|Opetaia Foaʻi]] and [[w:Mark Mancina|Mark Mancina]]. Score by Mark Mancina.''

''Moana'' was released theatrically in the United States on November 23, 2016.

==Moana==
*We were voyagers... (realized) We were voyagers... (running in the hill) '''''WE WERE VOYAGERS, WE WERE VOYAGERS, WE WERE VOYAGERS!''''' (running back to her Gramma) why did we stop?
*[Yelling at the Ocean] WHAT?! I SAID HELP ME! AND WREAKING MY BOAT?! NOT HELPING! [she kicks, but the Ocean recedes, causing her to fall on her back] Fish pee in you ALL DAY! So... (Growls)
*I am Moana of Motunui. You will board my boat, sail across the sea, and restore the heart of Te Fiti. The Ocean Chose Me.
*You are not my hero, and I’m not here, so you could sign my oar!

==Maui==
* ''[from trailer]'' D'you know who Maui is? Only the greatest demi-god in the Pacific Islands! With his magic fish-hook, he slowed down the sun! Pulled islands from the sea! Battled monsters! And I should know. Because I'm Maui. ''[improvises a haka; Moana and Pua watch in silence.]'' Nothin&quot;? Really? What's a demigod gotta do?
* ''[offscreen]'' I am still falling!
* If you start singing, I'm gonna throw up. 
* ''[holding HeiHei by the neck]'' Boatsnack!
* You're welcome!
* ''[to Mini-Maui]'' No mortal's gonna jump into the Realm of-- ''[Moana lands on him, bounces off of him and tumbles down a cliff]'' Well, she's dead.
Maui: PITZ!

==Dialogue==
Chief Tui: No One Goes Beyond The Reef. Moana, We Have One Rule, A Rule That Keeps Us Safe. Instead Of Danger Our People, So, You Can Run Back Right To The Water. If I Think You’re Past This…! NO ONE GOES BEYOND THE REEF!
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[While trying to sail beyond the reef into the open sea, Moana gets her boat wrecked and her foot jammed in the corals and bruised. Washed back onto the shore, Moana is spotted by Gramma Tala]''
:'''Gramma Tala''': Whatever just happened, blame it on the pig.
:'''Moana''': Are you gonna tell dad?
:'''Gramma Tala''': I’m his mom, I don't have to tell him anything.
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Moana''': It’s time for me to put my stone on the mountain.
:'''Gramma Tala''': Okay. Then, go back and put the stone there.
:'''Moana''': Why don't you try to talk me out of it?
:'''Gramma Tala''': You said that's what you want.
:'''Moana''': Certain.
:'''Gramma Tala''': When i die i will come back as one of them otherwise i chose the wrong tattoo.
:'''Moana''': ''[to Gramma Tala]'' ...Why are you acting weird?
:'''Gramma Tala''': I'm the village crazy lady. That's my job.
:'''Moana''': If there's something you want to tell me just tell me. Is there something you want to tell me?
:'''Gramma Tala''': Is there something you want to hear?
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
Moana: We were voyagers I can voyage again.
[The Chief Is Not Happy, Moana Notices Him And Follows Him.]
Moana: You told me to help our people! This is how we can help our people! ''[Chief Tui grabs the torch]'' Dad? What are you doing?
Chief Tui: I should've burned those boats a long time ago.
Moana: No! Don't! We have to find Maui. We have to restore the heart!
Chief Tui: (Yelling): There is no heart. This? THIS IS JUST A ROCK!
:'''Moana''': Dad! No!
:''[Chief Tui throws Te Fiti's heart out, but Moana picks it up. Then he and Moana find Gramma Tala's cane.]
The Villager: ''[blowing a horn to call Chief Tui]'' Chief! It's your mother! ''[Chief Tui and Moana gasp and run back screaming to Tala's home where she is laid on her deathbed]''
:'''Chief Tui''': ''[shocked]'' Mother! ''[sighs and turns to the doctor]'' What can be done?
:'''The female doctor''': I don't know.
:'''Gramma Tala''': ''[weakly]'' Go.
:'''Moana''': ''[tears up]'' Gramma? ''[she leans closer to hear what Gramma Tala is saying]''
:'''Gramma Tala''': ''Go.''
:'''Moana''': Not now. I can't.
:'''Gramma Tala''': You must! The ocean chose you. Follow the fish hook...
:'''Moana''': Gramma.
:'''Gramma Tala''': ''[continues]'' And when you find Maui, you grab him by his ear. You say, &quot;I am Moana of Motunui! You will board my boat, sail across the sea, and restore the heart of Te Fiti!&quot;
:'''Moana''': ''[tearing up more]'' I can't leave you.
:'''Gramma Tala''': There is nowhere you could go where I won't be with you. Go.

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Maui''': Boat! ''[grabs Moana's boat]'' A boat! The Gods have given me a- ''[sees Moana, screams]''
:'''Moana''': ''[clears throat]'' Maui, shapeshifter, demigod of the wind and sea. I am Moana of–
:'''Maui''': Hero of men.
:'''Moana''': ''[confused]'' W-what?
:'''Maui''': It's actually &quot;Maui, shapeshifter, demigod of the wind and sea, hero of men&quot;. I interrupted. From the top. &quot;Hero of men.&quot; Go.
:'''Moana''': ''[beat]'' I am Moana of–
:'''Maui''': Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. &quot;And women.&quot; &quot;Men ''and'' women.&quot; Both. All. Not a &quot;guy/girl&quot; thing. You know, Maui is a hero to ''all''. You're doing great.
:'''Moana''': ''[pointing at Maui with her oar]'' What? No! I'm here to–
:'''Maui''': Oh! Of course! Of course! Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Maui always has time for his fans. ''[Maui takes Moana's oar, and pulls Heihei out of the sand. He uses Heihei's beak to sign the oar]'' When you use a bird to write with, it's called tweeting. ''[throws Heihei over his shoulder and hands the oar back to Moana]'' I know. Not every day you get a chance to meet your hero. ''[Moana whacks Maui in the gut with her oar. Maui doubles over, and Moana grabs him by the ear.]''
:'''Moana''': You are ''not'' my hero, and I'm not here so you can sign my oar! I'm here because you stole the heart of Te Fiti... and you will board my boat... sail across the sea and put it back!
:'''Maui''': Um... Yeah. That almost sounded like you don’t like me which is impossible because I got stuck here for a ''thousand'' years trying to get the heart as a ''gift'' for you mortals! So you can have the power to create life itself. Yeah. So, what I believe you are trying to say is thank you.
:'''Moana''': &quot;Thank you&quot;?
:'''Maui''': You’re welcome!
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Maui''': ''[from trailer]'' Do you know who Maui is? Only the greatest demi-god of all the Pacific Islands! With his magic fish hook, he slowed down the sun! Pulled islands out of the sea! Battled monsters! And I should know... because I'm Maui. ''[to Mini Maui tattoo]'' Hey! Let me do this please.
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
Moana: Teach me to sail!
Maui: (Screaming Franctically): Pitz!
:'''Moana''': My job is to deliver Maui across the great ocean. I should– ''[she nearly falls over, but catches herself] I'' should be sailing.
:'''Maui''': It's called &quot;wayfinding&quot;, princess. It's not just sails and knots, it's seeing where you're going in your ''mind''. Knowing where you are by knowing where you've ''been''.  
:'''Moana''': Okay, first, I'm not a princess. I'm the daughter of the chief. 
:'''Maui''': Same difference. 
:'''Moana''': No.
:'''Maui''': If you wear a dress and have an animal sidekick, you're a Princess. You are not a wayfinder. You will never be a wayfinder. You will never be a way... ''[the ocean sticks him with a blow dart and he collapses mid-sentence]'' Really? Blow dart to my butt cheek? You are a bad person.
:'''Moana''': If you can talk, you can teach. Wayfinding. Lesson one. Hit it. 
:'''Maui''': ''[groans]'' Pull the sheet. ''[Moana reaches for a line.]'' Not the sheet.

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[Moana, covered in sparkling seashells, is snatched up by Tamatoa]''
:'''Tamatoa''': Oohoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. What have we here? It's a sparkly, shiny... Wait a minute. ''[tosses Moana into the air, making her lose the seashells covering her]'' Ugh...It's a human! What're you doing down here in the Realm of the Mons–? ''[Tamatoa's eyes are twitching, causing Moana to look back and forth between them]'' Just pick an eye, babe. I can't...I can't concentrate on what I'm saying if you keep- Yeah, pick one. ''Pick one!'' You're a funny looking little thing, aren't you?
:'''Moana''': Don't! That's my grandma's!
:'''Tamatoa''': That's your grandma's? I ate my grandma! And it took a week 'cause she was absolutely humongous. Why are you here?
:'''Moana''': 'Cause you're amazing! And we mortals have heard of a tale of the crab, who became a legend! And I had to know... How you being so craboulous?
:'''Tamatoa''': Are you just trying to get me to talk about myself? Because if you are... I will gladly do so! In song form!

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[Tamatoa was about to eat Moana]'' 
:'''Moana''': No!
:'''Maui''': Hey, crab cake! I'm back! It’s Maui time! ''[Tamatoa gasps and drops Moana on the ground]''

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[While Moana and Maui first encounter Te Kā]''
:'''Maui''': Wh-what are you doing?!
:'''Moana''': Finding you a better way.
:'''Maui''': ''[looks at the way through is blocked; worried]'' We won't make it!
:'''Moana''': Yes, we will!
:'''Maui''': Turn around!
:'''Moana''': NO!
:'''Maui''': Moana, stop!
:'''Moana''': NO!
:''[Then Te Kā hits Maui's hook, sending him and Moana flying far away. Moana looks at Heihei who is okay. Then at Maui who is sadly looking down at the ocean.]''
:'''Moana''': Are you okay? ''[Maui doesn't respond]'' Maui?
:''[Maui turns around and shows Moana his cracked hook]''
:'''Maui''': ''[glowering at his cracked hook; upset]'' I told you to turn back.
:'''Moana''': I thought we could make it.
:'''Maui''': &quot;''We''&quot;?
:'''Moana''': I thought... ''I'' could make it. We can fix it.
:'''Maui''': It was made by the gods. You can't ''fix'' it!
:'''Moana''': Next time, we'll be more careful. Te Kā was stuck on the barrier islands. It's lava. It can't go in the water. We can find another way around.
:'''Maui''': I'm not going back.
:'''Moana''': What? We still have to restore the heart.
:'''Maui''': My hook is cracked. One more hit, and it's over.
:'''Moana''': Maui, you have to restore the heart!
:'''Maui''': Without my hook, I am nothing.
:'''Moana''': That's '''''NOT''''' true.
Maui: (Yelling): WITHOUT MY HOOK, I AM NOTHING!!!
:''[Moana is frightened from Maui's angry outburst. He drops the heart of Te Fiti on the boat, but Moana picks it up]''
:'''Moana''': We're only here because ''you'' stole the heart in the first place!
:'''Maui''': ''[briefly looks down in guiltily]'' No, we're here because the ocean told you you’re special and you believed it.
:'''Moana''': I am Moana of Motunui. You will board my boat...
:'''Maui''': Goodbye, Moana.
:'''Moana''': ''[voice cracked]'' Sail across the sea...
:'''Maui''': (screaming angrily): I'm not killin' myself, so you can prove you’re something you're not!
:'''Moana''': '''And restore the heart of Te Fiti! The ocean chose ''me!'''''
:'''Maui''': It chose wrong. ''[Maui tries to transform, but his hook crackles and shocks him]'' Ugh! Stupid hook. ''[He transforms himself into a hawk and flies away]''
:'''Moana''': Maui! ''[Maui ignores her. She looks down in despair. A few moments later, the ocean rises up to look at her.]'' Why did you bring me here? ''[beat]'' I'm not the right person. ''[holds out the heart of Te Fiti to the ocean]'' You have to choose someone else. ''[heartbroken]'' ''Choose someone else!'' Please...
:''[The Ocean takes the heart of Te Fiti into the bottom of the sea and Moana begins to cry. And as Moana was crying, Te Ka destroyed all of Moana’s world]''

==Cast==
Rachel Zegler - Moana
Dwayne Johnson - Maui
Rachel House - Gramma Taia
Michael Beattie - Chief Tui
Rena Owen - Sina
Peter Linz - Pua The Pig
Alan Tudyk - Heihei The Rooster
Jemaine Clement - Tamatoa
Steve Coogan - Fisherman
Chris Renaud - Kakamora
Volcano Effect - Te-Ka
Troy Paladino, Catherine O’Hara, Christopher Jackson - Polynesian Villagers

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Moana (2016 film)}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Moana (franchise)]]
[[Category:2016 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2016 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Disney films]]
[[Category:Seafaring films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ron Clements]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Musker]]
[[Category:Films set in Oceania]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Films about chickens]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Animated films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Animated films set on oceans]]
[[Category:Disney Princess films]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3963098</id>
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      <text bytes="13751" sha1="i2rzhqvqoiriwfzxnk6b7eu5rxmaz58" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Moana (2016 film)|Moana]]''''' is a 2016 American 3D [[w:Live-action animation|computer-animated]] [[w:comedy|comedy]] [[w:musical|musical]] fantasy adventure film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]]. It is the 56th Disney animated feature film. The film tells the story of Moana (voiced by [[w:Auli'i Cravalho|Auli'i Cravalho]]), the strong-willed daughter of the chief of a [[w:Polynesian|Polynesian]] tribe, who is chosen by the ocean itself to reunite a mystical relic with a goddess. When a blight strikes her island, Moana sets sail in search of Maui (voiced by [[w:Dwayne Johnson|Dwayne Johnson]]), a legendary [[w:demigod|demigod]], in hopes to save her people.

:''Directed by [[w:John Musker|John Musker]] and [[w:Ron Clements|Ron Clements]], Co-Directed by [[w:Don Hall (filmmaker)|Don Hall]] and [[w:Chris Williams (director)|Chris Williams]]. Screenplay by [[w:Jared Bush|Jared Bush]]. Story by Ron Clements, John Musker, Chris Williams, Don Hall, [[w:Pamela Ribon|Pamela Ribon]], [[w:Aaron and Jordan Kandell|Aaron Kandell and Jordan Kandell]]. Songs by [[w:Lin-Manuel Miranda|Lin-Manuel Miranda]], [[w:Opetaia Foaʻi|Opetaia Foaʻi]] and [[w:Mark Mancina|Mark Mancina]]. Score by Mark Mancina.''

''Moana'' was released theatrically in the United States on November 23, 2016.

==Moana==
*We were voyagers... (realized) We were voyagers... (running in the hill) '''''WE WERE VOYAGERS, WE WERE VOYAGERS, WE WERE VOYAGERS!''''' (running back to her Gramma) why did we stop?
*[Yelling at the Ocean] WHAT?! I SAID HELP ME! AND WREAKING MY BOAT?! NOT HELPING! [she kicks, but the Ocean recedes, causing her to fall on her back] Fish pee in you ALL DAY! So... (Growls)
*I am Moana of Motunui. You will board my boat, sail across the sea, and restore the heart of Te Fiti. The Ocean Chose Me.
*You are not my hero, and I’m not here, so you could sign my oar!

==Maui==
* ''[from trailer]'' D'you know who Maui is? Only the greatest demi-god in the Pacific Islands! With his magic fish-hook, he slowed down the sun! Pulled islands from the sea! Battled monsters! And I should know. Because I'm Maui. ''[improvises a haka; Moana and Pua watch in silence.]'' Nothin&quot;? Really? What's a demigod gotta do?
* ''[offscreen]'' I am still falling!
* If you start singing, I'm gonna throw up. 
* ''[holding HeiHei by the neck]'' Boatsnack!
* You're welcome!
* ''[to Mini-Maui]'' No mortal's gonna jump into the Realm of-- ''[Moana lands on him, bounces off of him and tumbles down a cliff]'' Well, she's dead.
Maui: PITZ!

==Dialogue==
Chief Tui: No One Goes Beyond The Reef. Moana, We Have One Rule, A Rule That Keeps Us Safe. Instead Of Danger Our People, So, You Can Run Back Right To The Water. If I Think You’re Past This…! NO ONE GOES BEYOND THE REEF!
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[While trying to sail beyond the reef into the open sea, Moana gets her boat wrecked and her foot jammed in the corals and bruised. Washed back onto the shore, Moana is spotted by Gramma Tala]''
:'''Gramma Tala''': Whatever just happened, blame it on the pig.
:'''Moana''': Are you gonna tell dad?
:'''Gramma Tala''': I’m his mom, I don't have to tell him anything.
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Moana''': It’s time for me to put my stone on the mountain.
:'''Gramma Tala''': Okay. Then, go back and put the stone there.
:'''Moana''': Why don't you try to talk me out of it?
:'''Gramma Tala''': You said that's what you want.
:'''Moana''': Certain.
:'''Gramma Tala''': When i die i will come back as one of them otherwise i chose the wrong tattoo.
:'''Moana''': ''[to Gramma Tala]'' ...Why are you acting weird?
:'''Gramma Tala''': I'm the village crazy lady. That's my job.
:'''Moana''': If there's something you want to tell me just tell me. Is there something you want to tell me?
:'''Gramma Tala''': Is there something you want to hear?
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
Moana: We were voyagers I can voyage again.
[The Chief Is Not Happy, Moana Notices Him And Follows Him.]
Moana: You told me to help our people! This is how we can help our people! ''[Chief Tui grabs the torch]'' Dad? What are you doing?
Chief Tui: I should've burned those boats a long time ago.
Moana: No! Don't! We have to find Maui. We have to restore the heart!
Chief Tui: (Yelling): There is no heart. This? THIS IS JUST A ROCK!
:'''Moana''': Dad! No!
:''[Chief Tui throws Te Fiti's heart out, but Moana picks it up. Then he and Moana find Gramma Tala's cane.]
The Villager: ''[blowing a horn to call Chief Tui]'' Chief! It's your mother! ''[Chief Tui and Moana gasp and run back screaming to Tala's home where she is laid on her deathbed]''
:'''Chief Tui''': ''[shocked]'' Mother! ''[sighs and turns to the doctor]'' What can be done?
:'''The female doctor''': I don't know.
:'''Gramma Tala''': ''[weakly]'' Go.
:'''Moana''': ''[tears up]'' Gramma? ''[she leans closer to hear what Gramma Tala is saying]''
:'''Gramma Tala''': ''Go.''
:'''Moana''': Not now. I can't.
:'''Gramma Tala''': You must! The ocean chose you. Follow the fish hook...
:'''Moana''': Gramma.
:'''Gramma Tala''': ''[continues]'' And when you find Maui, you grab him by his ear. You say, &quot;I am Moana of Motunui! You will board my boat, sail across the sea, and restore the heart of Te Fiti!&quot;
:'''Moana''': ''[tearing up more]'' I can't leave you.
:'''Gramma Tala''': There is nowhere you could go where I won't be with you. Go.

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Maui''': Boat! ''[grabs Moana's boat]'' A boat! The Gods have given me a- ''[sees Moana, screams]''
:'''Moana''': ''[clears throat]'' Maui, shapeshifter, demigod of the wind and sea. I am Moana of–
:'''Maui''': Hero of men.
:'''Moana''': ''[confused]'' W-what?
:'''Maui''': It's actually &quot;Maui, shapeshifter, demigod of the wind and sea, hero of men&quot;. I interrupted. From the top. &quot;Hero of men.&quot; Go.
:'''Moana''': ''[beat]'' I am Moana of–
:'''Maui''': Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. &quot;And women.&quot; &quot;Men ''and'' women.&quot; Both. All. Not a &quot;guy/girl&quot; thing. You know, Maui is a hero to ''all''. You're doing great.
:'''Moana''': ''[pointing at Maui with her oar]'' What? No! I'm here to–
:'''Maui''': Oh! Of course! Of course! Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Maui always has time for his fans. ''[Maui takes Moana's oar, and pulls Heihei out of the sand. He uses Heihei's beak to sign the oar]'' When you use a bird to write with, it's called tweeting. ''[throws Heihei over his shoulder and hands the oar back to Moana]'' I know. Not every day you get a chance to meet your hero. ''[Moana whacks Maui in the gut with her oar. Maui doubles over, and Moana grabs him by the ear.]''
:'''Moana''': You are ''not'' my hero, and I'm not here so you can sign my oar! I'm here because you stole the heart of Te Fiti... and you will board my boat... sail across the sea and put it back!
:'''Maui''': Um... Yeah. That almost sounded like you don’t like me which is impossible because I got stuck here for a ''thousand'' years trying to get the heart as a ''gift'' for you mortals! So you can have the power to create life itself. Yeah. So, what I believe you are trying to say is thank you.
:'''Moana''': &quot;Thank you&quot;?
:'''Maui''': You’re welcome!
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Maui''': ''[from trailer]'' Do you know who Maui is? Only the greatest demi-god of all the Pacific Islands! With his magic fish hook, he slowed down the sun! Pulled islands out of the sea! Battled monsters! And I should know... because I'm Maui. ''[to Mini Maui tattoo]'' Hey! Let me do this please.
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
Moana: Teach me to sail!
Maui: (Screaming Franctically): Pitz!
:'''Moana''': My job is to deliver Maui across the great ocean. I should– ''[she nearly falls over, but catches herself] I'' should be sailing.
:'''Maui''': It's called &quot;wayfinding&quot;, princess. It's not just sails and knots, it's seeing where you're going in your ''mind''. Knowing where you are by knowing where you've ''been''.  
:'''Moana''': Okay, first, I'm not a princess. I'm the daughter of the chief. 
:'''Maui''': Same difference. 
:'''Moana''': No.
:'''Maui''': If you wear a dress and have an animal sidekick, you're a Princess. You are not a wayfinder. You will never be a wayfinder. You will never be a way... ''[the ocean sticks him with a blow dart and he collapses mid-sentence]'' Really? Blow dart to my butt cheek? You are a bad person.
:'''Moana''': If you can talk, you can teach. Wayfinding. Lesson one. Hit it. 
:'''Maui''': ''[groans]'' Pull the sheet. ''[Moana reaches for a line.]'' Not the sheet.

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[Moana, covered in sparkling seashells, is snatched up by Tamatoa]''
:'''Tamatoa''': Oohoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. What have we here? It's a sparkly, shiny... Wait a minute. ''[tosses Moana into the air, making her lose the seashells covering her]'' Ugh...It's a human! What're you doing down here in the Realm of the Mons–? ''[Tamatoa's eyes are twitching, causing Moana to look back and forth between them]'' Just pick an eye, babe. I can't...I can't concentrate on what I'm saying if you keep- Yeah, pick one. ''Pick one!'' You're a funny looking little thing, aren't you?
:'''Moana''': Don't! That's my grandma's!
:'''Tamatoa''': That's your grandma's? I ate my grandma! And it took a week 'cause she was absolutely humongous. Why are you here?
:'''Moana''': 'Cause you're amazing! And we mortals have heard of a tale of the crab, who became a legend! And I had to know... How you being so craboulous?
:'''Tamatoa''': Are you just trying to get me to talk about myself? Because if you are... I will gladly do so! In song form!

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[Tamatoa was about to eat Moana]'' 
:'''Moana''': No!
:'''Maui''': Hey, crab cake! I'm back! It’s Maui time! ''[Tamatoa gasps and drops Moana on the ground]''

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[While Moana and Maui first encounter Te Kā]''
:'''Maui''': Wh-what are you doing?!
:'''Moana''': Finding you a better way.
:'''Maui''': ''[looks at the way through is blocked; worried]'' We won't make it!
:'''Moana''': Yes, we will!
:'''Maui''': Turn around!
:'''Moana''': NO!
:'''Maui''': Moana, stop!
:'''Moana''': NO!
:''[Then Te Kā hits Maui's hook, sending him and Moana flying far away. Moana looks at Heihei who is okay. Then at Maui who is sadly looking down at the ocean.]''
:'''Moana''': Are you okay? ''[Maui doesn't respond]'' Maui?
:''[Maui turns around and shows Moana his cracked hook]''
:'''Maui''': ''[glowering at his cracked hook; upset]'' I told you to turn back.
:'''Moana''': I thought we could make it.
:'''Maui''': &quot;''We''&quot;?
:'''Moana''': I thought... ''I'' could make it. We can fix it.
:'''Maui''': It was made by the gods. You can't ''fix'' it!
:'''Moana''': Next time, we'll be more careful. Te Kā was stuck on the barrier islands. It's lava. It can't go in the water. We can find another way around.
:'''Maui''': I'm not going back.
:'''Moana''': What? We still have to restore the heart.
:'''Maui''': My hook is cracked. One more hit, and it's over.
:'''Moana''': Maui, you have to restore the heart!
:'''Maui''': Without my hook, I am nothing.
:'''Moana''': That's '''''NOT''''' true.
Maui: (Yelling): WITHOUT MY HOOK, I AM NOTHING!!!
:''[Moana is frightened from Maui's angry outburst. He drops the heart of Te Fiti on the boat, but Moana picks it up]''
:'''Moana''': We're only here because ''you'' stole the heart in the first place!
:'''Maui''': ''[briefly looks down in guiltily]'' No, we're here because the ocean told you you’re special and you believed it.
:'''Moana''': I am Moana of Motunui. You will board my boat...
:'''Maui''': Goodbye, Moana.
:'''Moana''': ''[voice cracked]'' Sail across the sea...
:'''Maui''': (screaming angrily): I'm not killin' myself, so you can prove you’re something you're not!
:'''Moana''': '''And restore the heart of Te Fiti! The ocean chose ''me!'''''
:'''Maui''': It chose wrong. ''[Maui tries to transform, but his hook crackles and shocks him]'' Ugh! Stupid hook. ''[He transforms himself into a hawk and flies away]''
:'''Moana''': Maui! ''[Maui ignores her. She looks down in despair. A few moments later, the ocean rises up to look at her.]'' Why did you bring me here? ''[beat]'' I'm not the right person. ''[holds out the heart of Te Fiti to the ocean]'' You have to choose someone else. ''[heartbroken]'' ''Choose someone else!'' Please...
:''[The Ocean takes the heart of Te Fiti into the bottom of the sea and Moana begins to cry. And as Moana was crying, Te Ka destroyed all of Moana’s world]''

==Cast==
*{{w|Auli'i Cravalho}} - Moana
*[[Dwayne Johnson]] - Maui
*{{w|Rachel House}} - Gramma Taia
*{{w|Temuera Morrison}} - Chief Tui
**[[w:Christopher Jackson (actor)|Christopher Jackson]] {{small|(singing voice)}}
*{{w|Nicole Scherzinger}} - Sina 
*{{w|Alan Tudyk}} - Heihei
*{{w|Jemaine Clement}} - Tamatoa

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Moana (2016 film)}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Moana (franchise)]]
[[Category:2016 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2016 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Disney films]]
[[Category:Seafaring films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ron Clements]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Musker]]
[[Category:Films set in Oceania]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Films about chickens]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Animated films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Animated films set on oceans]]
[[Category:Disney Princess films]]</text>
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      <id>3963110</id>
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      <text bytes="13789" sha1="gqc9aczlln445q3qpwoucxxt8zy9dsm" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Moana (2016 film)|Moana]]''''' is a 2016 American 3D [[w:Live-action animation|computer-animated]] [[w:comedy|comedy]] [[w:musical|musical]] fantasy adventure film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]]. It is the 56th Disney animated feature film. The film tells the story of Moana (voiced by [[w:Auli'i Cravalho|Auli'i Cravalho]]), the strong-willed daughter of the chief of a [[w:Polynesian|Polynesian]] tribe, who is chosen by the ocean itself to reunite a mystical relic with a goddess. When a blight strikes her island, Moana sets sail in search of Maui (voiced by [[w:Dwayne Johnson|Dwayne Johnson]]), a legendary [[w:demigod|demigod]], in hopes to save her people.

:''Directed by [[w:John Musker|John Musker]] and [[w:Ron Clements|Ron Clements]], Co-Directed by [[w:Don Hall (filmmaker)|Don Hall]] and [[w:Chris Williams (director)|Chris Williams]]. Screenplay by [[w:Jared Bush|Jared Bush]]. Story by Ron Clements, John Musker, Chris Williams, Don Hall, [[w:Pamela Ribon|Pamela Ribon]], [[w:Aaron and Jordan Kandell|Aaron Kandell and Jordan Kandell]]. Songs by [[w:Lin-Manuel Miranda|Lin-Manuel Miranda]], [[w:Opetaia Foaʻi|Opetaia Foaʻi]] and [[w:Mark Mancina|Mark Mancina]]. Score by Mark Mancina.''

''Moana'' was released theatrically in the United States on November 23, 2016.

==Moana==
*We were voyagers... (realized) We were voyagers... (running in the hill) '''''WE WERE VOYAGERS, WE WERE VOYAGERS, WE WERE VOYAGERS!''''' (running back to her Gramma) why did we stop?
*[Yelling at the Ocean] WHAT?! I SAID HELP ME! AND WREAKING MY BOAT?! NOT HELPING! [she kicks, but the Ocean recedes, causing her to fall on her back] Fish pee in you ALL DAY! So... (Growls)
*I am Moana of Motunui. You will board my boat, sail across the sea, and restore the heart of Te Fiti. The Ocean Chose Me.
*You are not my hero, and I’m not here, so you could sign my oar!

==Maui==
* ''[from trailer]'' D'you know who Maui is? Only the greatest demi-god in the Pacific Islands! With his magic fish-hook, he slowed down the sun! Pulled islands from the sea! Battled monsters! And I should know. Because I'm Maui. ''[improvises a haka; Moana and Pua watch in silence.]'' Nothin&quot;? Really? What's a demigod gotta do?
* ''[offscreen]'' I am still falling!
* If you start singing, I'm gonna throw up. 
* ''[holding HeiHei by the neck]'' Boatsnack!
* You're welcome!
* ''[to Mini-Maui]'' No mortal's gonna jump into the Realm of-- ''[Moana lands on him, bounces off of him and tumbles down a cliff]'' Well, she's dead.
Maui: PITZ!

==Dialogue==
&lt;he width=60%&gt;
:'''Chief Tui''': No One Goes Beyond The Reef. Moana, We Have One Rule, A Rule That Keeps Us Safe. Instead Of Danger Our People, So, You Can Run Back Right To The Water. If I Think You’re Past This…! NO ONE GOES BEYOND THE REEF!
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[While trying to sail beyond the reef into the open sea, Moana gets her boat wrecked and her foot jammed in the corals and bruised. Washed back onto the shore, Moana is spotted by Gramma Tala]''
:'''Gramma Tala''': Whatever just happened, blame it on the pig.
:'''Moana''': Are you gonna tell dad?
:'''Gramma Tala''': I’m his mom, I don't have to tell him anything.
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Moana''': It’s time for me to put my stone on the mountain.
:'''Gramma Tala''': Okay. Then, go back and put the stone there.
:'''Moana''': Why don't you try to talk me out of it?
:'''Gramma Tala''': You said that's what you want.
:'''Moana''': Certain.
:'''Gramma Tala''': When i die i will come back as one of them otherwise i chose the wrong tattoo.
:'''Moana''': ''[to Gramma Tala]'' ...Why are you acting weird?
:'''Gramma Tala''': I'm the village crazy lady. That's my job.
:'''Moana''': If there's something you want to tell me just tell me. Is there something you want to tell me?
:'''Gramma Tala''': Is there something you want to hear?
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Moana''': We were voyagers I can voyage again.
[''The Chief Is Not Happy, Moana Notices Him And Follows Him.]
Moana: You told me to help our people! This is how we can help our people! ''[Chief Tui grabs the torch]'' Dad? What are you doing?
:'''Chief Tui''': I should've burned those boats a long time ago.
Moana: No! Don't! We have to find Maui. We have to restore the heart!
Chief Tui: (Yelling): There is no heart. This? THIS IS JUST A ROCK!
:'''Moana''': Dad! No!
:''[Chief Tui throws Te Fiti's heart out, but Moana picks it up. Then he and Moana find Gramma Tala's cane.]
The Villager: ''[blowing a horn to call Chief Tui]'' Chief! It's your mother! ''[Chief Tui and Moana gasp and run back screaming to Tala's home where she is laid on her deathbed]''
:'''Chief Tui''': ''[shocked]'' Mother! ''[sighs and turns to the doctor]'' What can be done?
:'''The female doctor''': I don't know.
:'''Gramma Tala''': ''[weakly]'' Go.
:'''Moana''': ''[tears up]'' Gramma? ''[she leans closer to hear what Gramma Tala is saying]''
:'''Gramma Tala''': ''Go.''
:'''Moana''': Not now. I can't.
:'''Gramma Tala''': You must! The ocean chose you. Follow the fish hook...
:'''Moana''': Gramma.
:'''Gramma Tala''': ''[continues]'' And when you find Maui, you grab him by his ear. You say, &quot;I am Moana of Motunui! You will board my boat, sail across the sea, and restore the heart of Te Fiti!&quot;
:'''Moana''': ''[tearing up more]'' I can't leave you.
:'''Gramma Tala''': There is nowhere you could go where I won't be with you. Go.

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Maui''': Boat! ''[grabs Moana's boat]'' A boat! The Gods have given me a- ''[sees Moana, screams]''
:'''Moana''': ''[clears throat]'' Maui, shapeshifter, demigod of the wind and sea. I am Moana of–
:'''Maui''': Hero of men.
:'''Moana''': ''[confused]'' W-what?
:'''Maui''': It's actually &quot;Maui, shapeshifter, demigod of the wind and sea, hero of men&quot;. I interrupted. From the top. &quot;Hero of men.&quot; Go.
:'''Moana''': ''[beat]'' I am Moana of–
:'''Maui''': Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. &quot;And women.&quot; &quot;Men ''and'' women.&quot; Both. All. Not a &quot;guy/girl&quot; thing. You know, Maui is a hero to ''all''. You're doing great.
:'''Moana''': ''[pointing at Maui with her oar]'' What? No! I'm here to–
:'''Maui''': Oh! Of course! Of course! Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Maui always has time for his fans. ''[Maui takes Moana's oar, and pulls Heihei out of the sand. He uses Heihei's beak to sign the oar]'' When you use a bird to write with, it's called tweeting. ''[throws Heihei over his shoulder and hands the oar back to Moana]'' I know. Not every day you get a chance to meet your hero. ''[Moana whacks Maui in the gut with her oar. Maui doubles over, and Moana grabs him by the ear.]''
:'''Moana''': You are ''not'' my hero, and I'm not here so you can sign my oar! I'm here because you stole the heart of Te Fiti... and you will board my boat... sail across the sea and put it back!
:'''Maui''': Um... Yeah. That almost sounded like you don’t like me which is impossible because I got stuck here for a ''thousand'' years trying to get the heart as a ''gift'' for you mortals! So you can have the power to create life itself. Yeah. So, what I believe you are trying to say is thank you.
:'''Moana''': &quot;Thank you&quot;?
:'''Maui''': You’re welcome!
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Maui''': ''[from trailer]'' Do you know who Maui is? Only the greatest demi-god of all the Pacific Islands! With his magic fish hook, he slowed down the sun! Pulled islands out of the sea! Battled monsters! And I should know... because I'm Maui. ''[to Mini Maui tattoo]'' Hey! Let me do this please.
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
Moana: Teach me to sail!
Maui: (Screaming Franctically): Pitz!
:'''Moana''': My job is to deliver Maui across the great ocean. I should– ''[she nearly falls over, but catches herself] I'' should be sailing.
:'''Maui''': It's called &quot;wayfinding&quot;, princess. It's not just sails and knots, it's seeing where you're going in your ''mind''. Knowing where you are by knowing where you've ''been''.  
:'''Moana''': Okay, first, I'm not a princess. I'm the daughter of the chief. 
:'''Maui''': Same difference. 
:'''Moana''': No.
:'''Maui''': If you wear a dress and have an animal sidekick, you're a Princess. You are not a wayfinder. You will never be a wayfinder. You will never be a way... ''[the ocean sticks him with a blow dart and he collapses mid-sentence]'' Really? Blow dart to my butt cheek? You are a bad person.
:'''Moana''': If you can talk, you can teach. Wayfinding. Lesson one. Hit it. 
:'''Maui''': ''[groans]'' Pull the sheet. ''[Moana reaches for a line.]'' Not the sheet.

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[Moana, covered in sparkling seashells, is snatched up by Tamatoa]''
:'''Tamatoa''': Oohoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. What have we here? It's a sparkly, shiny... Wait a minute. ''[tosses Moana into the air, making her lose the seashells covering her]'' Ugh...It's a human! What're you doing down here in the Realm of the Mons–? ''[Tamatoa's eyes are twitching, causing Moana to look back and forth between them]'' Just pick an eye, babe. I can't...I can't concentrate on what I'm saying if you keep- Yeah, pick one. ''Pick one!'' You're a funny looking little thing, aren't you?
:'''Moana''': Don't! That's my grandma's!
:'''Tamatoa''': That's your grandma's? I ate my grandma! And it took a week 'cause she was absolutely humongous. Why are you here?
:'''Moana''': 'Cause you're amazing! And we mortals have heard of a tale of the crab, who became a legend! And I had to know... How you being so craboulous?
:'''Tamatoa''': Are you just trying to get me to talk about myself? Because if you are... I will gladly do so! In song form!

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[Tamatoa was about to eat Moana]'' 
:'''Moana''': No!
:'''Maui''': Hey, crab cake! I'm back! It’s Maui time! ''[Tamatoa gasps and drops Moana on the ground]''

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[While Moana and Maui first encounter Te Kā]''
:'''Maui''': Wh-what are you doing?!
:'''Moana''': Finding you a better way.
:'''Maui''': ''[looks at the way through is blocked; worried]'' We won't make it!
:'''Moana''': Yes, we will!
:'''Maui''': Turn around!
:'''Moana''': NO!
:'''Maui''': Moana, stop!
:'''Moana''': NO!
:''[Then Te Kā hits Maui's hook, sending him and Moana flying far away. Moana looks at Heihei who is okay. Then at Maui who is sadly looking down at the ocean.]''
:'''Moana''': Are you okay? ''[Maui doesn't respond]'' Maui?
:''[Maui turns around and shows Moana his cracked hook]''
:'''Maui''': ''[glowering at his cracked hook; upset]'' I told you to turn back.
:'''Moana''': I thought we could make it.
:'''Maui''': &quot;''We''&quot;?
:'''Moana''': I thought... ''I'' could make it. We can fix it.
:'''Maui''': It was made by the gods. You can't ''fix'' it!
:'''Moana''': Next time, we'll be more careful. Te Kā was stuck on the barrier islands. It's lava. It can't go in the water. We can find another way around.
:'''Maui''': I'm not going back.
:'''Moana''': What? We still have to restore the heart.
:'''Maui''': My hook is cracked. One more hit, and it's over.
:'''Moana''': Maui, you have to restore the heart!
:'''Maui''': Without my hook, I am nothing.
:'''Moana''': That's '''''NOT''''' true.
Maui: (Yelling): WITHOUT MY HOOK, I AM NOTHING!!!
:''[Moana is frightened from Maui's angry outburst. He drops the heart of Te Fiti on the boat, but Moana picks it up]''
:'''Moana''': We're only here because ''you'' stole the heart in the first place!
:'''Maui''': ''[briefly looks down in guiltily]'' No, we're here because the ocean told you you’re special and you believed it.
:'''Moana''': I am Moana of Motunui. You will board my boat...
:'''Maui''': Goodbye, Moana.
:'''Moana''': ''[voice cracked]'' Sail across the sea...
:'''Maui''': (screaming angrily): I'm not killin' myself, so you can prove you’re something you're not!
:'''Moana''': '''And restore the heart of Te Fiti! The ocean chose ''me!'''''
:'''Maui''': It chose wrong. ''[Maui tries to transform, but his hook crackles and shocks him]'' Ugh! Stupid hook. ''[He transforms himself into a hawk and flies away]''
:'''Moana''': Maui! ''[Maui ignores her. She looks down in despair. A few moments later, the ocean rises up to look at her.]'' Why did you bring me here? ''[beat]'' I'm not the right person. ''[holds out the heart of Te Fiti to the ocean]'' You have to choose someone else. ''[heartbroken]'' ''Choose someone else!'' Please...
:''[The Ocean takes the heart of Te Fiti into the bottom of the sea and Moana begins to cry. And as Moana was crying, Te Ka destroyed all of Moana’s world]''

==Cast==
*{{w|Auli'i Cravalho}} - Moana
*[[Dwayne Johnson]] - Maui
*{{w|Rachel House}} - Gramma Taia
*{{w|Temuera Morrison}} - Chief Tui
**[[w:Christopher Jackson (actor)|Christopher Jackson]] {{small|(singing voice)}}
*{{w|Nicole Scherzinger}} - Sina 
*{{w|Alan Tudyk}} - Heihei
*{{w|Jemaine Clement}} - Tamatoa

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Moana (2016 film)}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Moana (franchise)]]
[[Category:2016 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2016 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Disney films]]
[[Category:Seafaring films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ron Clements]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Musker]]
[[Category:Films set in Oceania]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Films about chickens]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Animated films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Animated films set on oceans]]
[[Category:Disney Princess films]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>The Faerie Queene</title>
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      <text bytes="186836" sha1="35z1ip9x8dnmv4n3inpto9qt9o1m4ty" xml:space="preserve">{{Italic title}}
[[File:Faerie Queene Title Page.jpg|thumb|So dark are earthly things compared to things divine.]]
'''''[[w:The Faerie Queene|The Faerie Queene]]''''' is an incomplete English [[w:Epic poetry|epic poem]] by [[Edmund Spenser]]. Books I to III were first published in 1590, and then republished, with alterations, together with books IV to VI, in 1596. The Mutability cantos, which appear to be part of a fragmentary Book VII, were first published in 1609.

== Quotations ==
[[File:The Faerie Queene frontispiece.jpg|thumb|The general end of all the book is to fashion a gentleman or noble person in virtuous and gentle discipline.]]
:&lt;small&gt;'''Note on the text''': Quotations are presented in both the orthography of the original editions (to preserve Spenser's archaism and the poem's antique flavor) and in modern spelling and punctuation (to make them more readily comprehensible).&lt;!-- Modernizing Spenser's spelling is common practice in authoritative quotation anthologies, such as ''The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations''. --&gt;The modernized text and the occasional explanatory notes are based mainly on &lt;!--G. L. Craik's ''Spenser and his Poetry'' (1845) and D. Laing --&gt;Purves' edition&lt;!-- of ''The Faerie Queene'' (1874)--&gt; (see Bibliography).&lt;!-- In the opinion of Craik, &quot;The reproduction of the poetry of Spenser in that antiquated spelling is really for the greater part as unnecessary and absurd as would be such a reproduction of Shakespeare or of the Bible. It has not in the generality of instances any advantage even for critical purposes. To preserve this old spelling is in nine cases out of ten merely to perpetuate the blunders or caprices of the printer&quot; (''Spenser and his Poetry'', Vol. I, p. 41). The editors of the Penguin Classics edition (1978), Thomas Roche and C. Patrick O'Donnell, however, believed that the poem's old orthography and punctuation are &quot;integral&quot; to its meaning. Thus, the spelling of the original editions is also presented for the reader's consideration.--&gt; Quotations in '''bold''' are those most widely and frequently quoted.&lt;/small&gt;

=== Books I–III (1590) ===
==== Book I ====
[[File:Edmund Spenser oil painting.JPG|thumb|Fierce wars and faithful loves shall moralize my song.]]
* ''Fierce warres and faithfull loues shall moralize my song.''
** '''Fierce wars and faithful loves shall moralize my song.'''
*** Bk. I, Proem, stanza 1
*** Compare:
**** That not in fancy's maze he wandered long,&lt;br /&gt;But stooped to truth, and moralized his song.
***** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot'' (1735), lines 333–334


[[File:Una and the Red Cross Knight.jpg|thumb|A gentle knight was pricking on the plain.]]
* ''A Gentle Knight was pricking on the plaine.''
** '''A gentle knight was pricking on the plain.'''
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 1
*** Note: ''pricking''=spurring, riding


[[File:Una and the Red Cross Knight - Walter Jenks Morgan.png|thumb|And on his breast a bloody cross he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The dear remembrance of his dying Lord.]]
* ''And on his brest a bloodie Crosse he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The deare remembrance of his dying Lord,&lt;br /&gt;For whose sweete sake that glorious badge he wore.''
** And on his breast a bloody cross he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The dear remembrance of his dying Lord,&lt;br /&gt;For whose sweet sake that glorious badge he wore.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 2
*** The 2nd edition (1596) has &quot;But&quot; instead of &quot;And&quot;:
**** ''But on his brest a bloudie Crosse he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The deare remembrance of his dying Lord.''
***** But on his breast a bloody cross he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The dear remembrance of his dying Lord.


[[File:George Frederic Watts - Una and the Red Cross (study).jpg|thumb|But of his cheer did seem too solemn sad;&lt;br /&gt;Yet nothing did he dread, but ever was ydrad.]]
* ''Right faithfull true he was in deede and word,&lt;br /&gt;But of his cheere did seeme too solemne sad;&lt;br /&gt;Yet nothing did he dread, but euer was ydrad.''
** Right faithful true he was in deed and word;&lt;br /&gt;But of his cheer did seem too solemn sad;&lt;br /&gt;Yet nothing did he dread, but ever was ydrad.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 2
*** Note: ''ydrad''=dreaded, feared


* ''So pure and innocent, as that same lambe,&lt;br /&gt;She was in life and euery vertuous lore,&lt;br /&gt;And by descent from Royall lynage came&lt;br /&gt;Of ancient Kinges and Queenes, that had of yore&lt;br /&gt;Their scepters stretcht from East to Westerne shore.''
** So pure and innocent, as that same lamb,&lt;br /&gt;She was in life and every virtuous lore;&lt;br /&gt;And by descent from royal lineage came&lt;br /&gt;Of ancient kings and queens, that had of yore&lt;br /&gt;Their sceptres stretched from east to western shore.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 5; of Una


* ''And all within were pathes and alleies wide,&lt;br /&gt;With footing worne, and leading inward farr.''
** And all within were paths and alleys wide,&lt;br /&gt;With footing worn, and leading inward far.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 7


[[File:Eleanor Fortescue Brickdale's Golden book of famous women (1919) - Una and The Red Cross Knight (p. 143).jpg|thumb|Much can they praise the trees so straight and high:&lt;br /&gt;The sailing pine; the cedar, proud and tall;&lt;br /&gt;The vine-prop elm; the poplar, never dry;&lt;br /&gt;The builder oak, sole king of forests all;&lt;br /&gt;The aspen, good for staves; the cypress, funeral.]]
* &lt;p&gt;''And foorth they passe, with pleasure forward led,&lt;br /&gt;Ioying to heare the birdes sweete harmony,&lt;br /&gt;Which therein shrouded from the tempest dred,&lt;br /&gt;Seemd in their song to scorne the cruell sky.&lt;br /&gt;Much can they praise the trees so straight and hy,&lt;br /&gt;The sayling Pine, the Cedar proud and tall,&lt;br /&gt;The vine-propp Elme, the Poplar neuer dry,&lt;br /&gt;The builder Oake, sole king of forrests all,&lt;br /&gt;The Aspine good for staues, the Cypresse funerall.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''The Laurell, meed of mightie Conquerours&lt;br /&gt;And Poets sage, the Firre that weepeth still,&lt;br /&gt;The Willow worne of forlorne Paramours,&lt;br /&gt;The Eugh obedient to the benders will,&lt;br /&gt;The Birch for shaftes, the Sallow for the mill,&lt;br /&gt;The Mirrhe sweete bleeding in the bitter wound,&lt;br /&gt;The warlike Beech, the Ash for nothing ill,&lt;br /&gt;The fruitfull Oliue, and the Platane round,&lt;br /&gt;The caruer Holme, the Maple seeldom inward sound.''&lt;/p&gt;
** &lt;p&gt;And forth they pass, with pleasure forward led,&lt;br /&gt;Joying to hear the birds' sweet harmony,&lt;br /&gt;Which, therein shrouded from the tempest dread,&lt;br /&gt;Seemed in their song to scorn the cruel sky.&lt;br /&gt;Much can they praise the trees so straight and high:&lt;br /&gt;The sailing pine; the cedar, proud and tall;&lt;br /&gt;The vine-prop elm; the poplar, never dry;&lt;br /&gt;The builder oak, sole king of forests all;&lt;br /&gt;The aspen, good for staves; the cypress, funeral;&lt;/p&gt;The laurel, meed of mighty conquerors&lt;br /&gt;And poets sage; the fir, that weepeth still;&lt;br /&gt;The willow, worn of forlorn paramours;&lt;br /&gt;The yew, obedient to the binder's will;&lt;br /&gt;The birch, for shafts; the sallow, for the mill;&lt;br /&gt;The myrrh, sweet-bleeding in the bitter wound;&lt;br /&gt;The warlike beech; the ash, for nothing ill;&lt;br /&gt;The fruitful olive, and the plantain round;&lt;br /&gt;The carver holm; the maple, seldom inward sound.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanzas 8–9; the catalogue of trees in the Wandering Wood
*** Note: ''The sailing [[w:Pine|pine]]''—so called from being used for the masts of ships (cf. [[Virgil]], ''Georgics'' [29 BCE], 2.443: ''navigiis pinus'' [Loeb trans.: &quot;pines for ships&quot;]); ''meed''=reward; ''forlorn paramours''=abandoned lovers; ''The [[w:Taxus|yew]], obedient to the binder's will''—when made into bows; ''shafts''=arrows; ''The [[w:Sallow|sallow]], for the mill''—for the sails of windmills; ''The [[w:Commiphora myrrha|myrrh]], sweet, bleeding in the bitter wound''—the incision made in the bark of the myrrh tree to extract its aromatic resin; ''The warlike [[w:Beech|beech]]''—so called from being used for the shafts of spears; ''plantain''=[[w:Platanus|plane-tree]]; ''The carver [[w:Quercus ilex|holm]]''—the holly, suitable for carving
*** Compare:
**** ''The bilder ook, and eek the hardy asshe;&lt;br /&gt;The piler elm, the cofre unto careyne;&lt;br /&gt;The boxtree piper; holm to whippes lasshe;&lt;br /&gt;The sayling firr; the cipres, deth to pleyne;&lt;br /&gt;The sheter ew, the asp for shaftes pleyne;&lt;br /&gt;The olyve of pees, and eek the drunken vyne,&lt;br /&gt;The victor palm, the laurer to devyne.''
***** The builder oak, and eke the hardy ash;&lt;br /&gt;The pillar elm, the coffer unto carrain;&lt;br /&gt;The box-tree piper; holm to whip's lash;&lt;br /&gt;The sailing fir; the cypress, death to plain;&lt;br /&gt;The shooter yew; the asp for shafts plain;&lt;br /&gt;The olive of peace, and eke the drunken vine;&lt;br /&gt;The victor palm; the laurel, too, divine.
****** [[Geoffrey Chaucer]], ''[[w:Parlement of Foules|Parlement of Foules]]'' (c. 1382), lines 176–182
**** ''Cadit ardua fagus,&lt;br /&gt;Chaoniumque nemus, brumaeque inlaesa cupressus;&lt;br /&gt;Procumbunt piceae, flammis alimenta supremis,&lt;br /&gt;Ornique, iliceaeque trabes, metuendaque suco&lt;br /&gt;Taxus, et infandos belli potura cruores&lt;br /&gt;Fraxinus, atque situ non expugnabile robur:&lt;br /&gt;Hinc audax abies, et odoro uulnere pinus&lt;br /&gt;Scinditur, adclinant intonsa cacumina terrae&lt;br /&gt;Alnus amica fretis, nec inhospita uitibus ulmus.''
***** Great beeches fell, as did old oaks and cypresses&lt;br /&gt;that winter does not harm. Pitch pines were hewn&lt;br /&gt;to feed the funeral flame; and mountain ash&lt;br /&gt;and trunks of holm oak, yews with poison sap,&lt;br /&gt;and those ash trees that drink cursed blood in wars&lt;br /&gt;as well as oaks impervious to rot.&lt;br /&gt;They cleaved the daring firs, the pines whose wounds&lt;br /&gt;are scented, vine-propped elms, and alder trees&lt;br /&gt;that lower to the earth their unshorn branches.
****** [[Statius]], ''[[Thebaid]]'' (c. 92 CE), Book VI, lines 98–106 ([[w:Charles Stanley Ross|Charles Stanley Ross]]'s 2004 John Hopkins UP translation)


* ''Oft fire is without smoke,&lt;br /&gt;And perill without show.''
** '''Oft fire is without smoke''',&lt;br /&gt;And peril without show.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 12


[[File:The Red Cross Knight enters the Monster's Cave.png|thumb|Virtue gives herself light through darkness for to wade.]]
* ''Vertue giues her selfe light, through darkenesse for to wade.''
** &quot;Virtue gives herself light through darkness for to wade.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 12; spoken by the Red Cross Knight


* ''His glistring armor made&lt;br /&gt;A litle glooming light, much like a shade.''
** His glistening armour made&lt;br /&gt;A little glooming light, much like a shade.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 14
*** Compare:
**** Where glowing embers through the room&lt;br /&gt;Teach light to counterfeit a gloom.
***** [[John Milton]], ''Il Penseroso'' (c. 1631), line 79


* ''God helpe the man so wrapt in Errours endlesse traine.''
** God help the man so wrapt in Error's endless train!
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 18
*** Note: ''train''=tail, deceit (according to [[w:John Upton (Spenser editor)|Upton]]'s notes to the ''Faerie Queene'', 1758, Vol. II, p. 343)


[[File:The Wood of Error.jpg|thumb|Add [[faith]] unto your force.]]
* ''His Lady sad to see his sore constraint,&lt;br /&gt;Cride out, Now now Sir knight, shew what ye bee&lt;br /&gt;Add faith vnto your force, and be not faint:&lt;br /&gt;Strangle her, els she sure will strangle thee.''
** His lady, sad to see his sore constraint,&lt;br /&gt;Cried out, &quot;Now, now, Sir Knight, show what ye be;&lt;br /&gt;Add faith unto your force, and be not faint;&lt;br /&gt;Strangle her, else she sure will strangle thee.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 19; the lady Una (whose name means &quot;One&quot; in Latin, and who represents truth) gives this advice to the Red Cross Knight ([[w:Saint George|Saint George]], who represents holiness), as he faces the monster Error


* ''For what so strong,&lt;br /&gt;But wanting rest will also want of might?&lt;br /&gt;The Sunne that measures heauen all day long,&lt;br /&gt;At night doth baite his steedes the ''Ocean'' waues emong.''
** &quot;For what so strong,&lt;br /&gt;But, wanting rest, will also want of might?&lt;br /&gt;The sun, that measures heaven all day long,&lt;br /&gt;At night doth bait his steeds the ocean waves among.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 32; spoken by Una
*** Note: ''wanting''=lacking, needing; ''bait''=feed, refresh


[[File:Edmund Spenser, engraved by Burnet Reading.jpg|thumb|The noblest mind the best contentment has.]]
* The noblest mind the best contentment has.
** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 35


[[File:Unaredcrossknigh00spen 0039.jpg|thumb|A bold bad man.]]
* ''A bold bad man, that dar'd to call by name&lt;br /&gt;Great ''Gorgon'', prince of darknes and dead night.''
** '''A bold bad man''', that dared to call by name&lt;br /&gt;[[w:Demogorgon|Great Gorgon]], prince of darkness and dead night.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 37
*** Compare:
**** This bold bad man.
***** [[Shakespeare]], ''[[Henry VIII (play)|Henry VIII]]'' (c. 1613), Act II, scene 2


* ''The Northerne wagoner had set&lt;br /&gt;His seuenfold teme behind the stedfast starre.''
** The northern wagoner had set&lt;br /&gt;His sevenfold team behind the steadfast star.
*** Bk. I, Canto II, stanza 1


* ''Will was his guide, and griefe led him astray.''
** Will was his guide, and grief led him astray.
*** Bk. I, Canto II, stanza 12; of the Red Cross Knight


* ''Better new friend then an old foe''.
** Better new friend than an old foe.
*** Bk. I, Canto II, stanza 27


* ''Nought is there vnder heau'ns wide hollownesse,&lt;br /&gt;That moues more deare compassion of mind,&lt;br /&gt;Then beautie brought t'vnworthie wretchednesse&lt;br /&gt;Through enuies snares or fortunes freakes vnkind.''
** Nought is there under heaven's wide hollowness&lt;br /&gt;That moves more dear compassion of mind&lt;br /&gt;Than beauty brought to unworthy wretchedness&lt;br /&gt;Through envy's snares or fortune's freaks unkind.
*** Bk. I, Canto III, stanza 1


[[File:William Bell Scott - Una and the Lion.jpg|thumb|Her angel's face,&lt;br /&gt;As the great eye of heaven, shined bright,&lt;br /&gt;And '''made a sunshine in the shady place.''']]
* ''Her angels face&lt;br /&gt;As the great eye of heauen shyned bright,&lt;br /&gt;And made a sunshine in the shady place;&lt;br /&gt;Did neuer mortall eye behold such heauenly grace.''
** '''Her angel's face,&lt;br /&gt;As the great eye of heaven, shined bright,&lt;br /&gt;And made a sunshine in the shady place''';&lt;br /&gt;Did never mortal eye behold such heavenly grace.
*** Bk. I, Canto III, stanza 4; description of Una


[[File:Richard Westall - Una and the lion.webp|thumb|alt=Una and the lion from Spenser's Faerie Queene|O how can beauty master the most strong,&lt;br /&gt;And simple truth subdue avenging wrong!]]
* ''O how can beautie maister the most strong,&lt;br /&gt;And simple truth subdue auenging wrong?''
** O how can beauty master the most strong,&lt;br /&gt;And simple truth subdue avenging wrong!
*** Bk. I, Canto III, stanza 6


[[File:Leighton-God Speed!.jpg|thumb|One loving hour&lt;br /&gt;For many years of sorrow can dispense;&lt;br /&gt;A dram of sweet is worth a pound of sour.]]
* ''One louing howre&lt;br /&gt;For many yeares of sorrow can dispence:&lt;br /&gt;A dram of sweete is worth a pound of sowre.''
** One loving hour&lt;br /&gt;For many years of sorrow can dispense;&lt;br /&gt;A dram of sweet is worth a pound of sour.
*** Bk. I, Canto III, stanza 30
*** Note: ''dispense''=compensate, make amends


[[File:The House of Pride.jpg|thumb|And all the hinder parts, that few could spy,&lt;br /&gt;Were ruinous and old, but painted cunningly.]]
* ''A stately Pallace built of squared bricke,&lt;br /&gt;Which cunningly was without morter laid,&lt;br /&gt;Whose wals were high, but nothing strong, nor thick&lt;br /&gt;And golden foile all ouer them displaid,&lt;br /&gt;That purest skye with brightnesse they dismaid.''
** A stately palace built of squared brick,&lt;br /&gt;Which cunningly was without mortar laid,&lt;br /&gt;Whose walls were high, but nothing strong, nor thick,&lt;br /&gt;And golden foil all over them displayed,&lt;br /&gt;That purest sky with brightness they dismayed.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 4; description of Lucifera's (i.e., [[Satan]]'s) palace—the house of Pride
*** Note: ''dismayed''=overpowered


* ''And all the hinder partes, that few could spie,&lt;br /&gt;Were ruinous and old, but painted cunningly.''
** And all the hinder parts, that few could spy,&lt;br /&gt;Were ruinous and old, but painted cunningly.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 5; the house of Pride
*** Note: ''hinder''=back, rear


* Idlenesse ''the nourse of sin.''
** Idleness, the nurse of Sin.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 18


* ''From worldly cares himselfe he did esloyne,&lt;br /&gt;And greatly shunned manly exercise,&lt;br /&gt;From euerie worke he chalenged essoyne,&lt;br /&gt;For contemplation sake: yet otherwise,&lt;br /&gt;His life he led in lawlesse riotise;&lt;br /&gt;By which he grew to grieuous malady;&lt;br /&gt;For in his lustlesse limbs through euill guise&lt;br /&gt;A shaking feuer raignd continually:&lt;br /&gt;Such one was'' Idlenesse.
** From worldly cares himself he did esloin,&lt;br /&gt;And greatly shunned manly exercise;&lt;br /&gt;For every work he challenged essoin,&lt;br /&gt;For contemplation sake; yet otherwise&lt;br /&gt;His life he led in lawless riotise,&lt;br /&gt;By which he grew to grievous malady:&lt;br /&gt;For in his lustless limbs through evil guise&lt;br /&gt;A shaking fever reigned continually:&lt;br /&gt;Such one was [[Idleness]].
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 20
*** Note: ''esloin''=withdraw; ''challenged essoin''=claimed exemption; ''riotise''=riot; ''malady''=sickness; ''lustless''=listless, feeble; ''guise''=behavior


[[File:Jacques Callot, The Seven Deadly Sins - Gluttony.JPG|thumb|And by his side rode loathsome Gluttony,&lt;br /&gt;Deformed creature, on a filthy swine.]]
* ''And by his side rode loathsome'' Gluttony'',&lt;br /&gt;Deformed creature, on a filthie swyne,&lt;br /&gt;His belly was vpblowne with luxury;&lt;br /&gt;And eke with fatnesse swollen were his eyne.''
** '''And by his side rode loathsome [[Gluttony]],&lt;br /&gt;Deformed creature, on a filthy swine''';&lt;br /&gt;His belly was up-blown with luxury;&lt;br /&gt;And eke with fatness swollen were his eyne.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 21
*** Note: ''eyne''=eyes


[[File:Ill dict infernal p0455 mammon.jpg|thumb|Whose plenty made him poor.]]
* &lt;p&gt;''And greedy'' Auarice ''by him did ride,&lt;br /&gt;Vppon a Camell loaden all with gold;&lt;br /&gt;Two iron coffets hong on either side,&lt;br /&gt;With precious metall full, as they might hold,&lt;br /&gt;And in his lap an heap of coine he told;&lt;br /&gt;For of his wicked pelpe his God he made,&lt;br /&gt;And vnto hell him selfe for money sold;&lt;br /&gt;Accursed vsury was all his trade,&lt;br /&gt;And right and wrong ylike in equall ballaunce waide.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''His life was nigh vnto deaths dore yplaste,&lt;br /&gt;And thred-bare cote, and cobled shoes hee ware,&lt;br /&gt;Ne scarse good morsell all his life did taste,&lt;br /&gt;But both from backe and belly still did spare,&lt;br /&gt;To fill his bags, and richesse to compare;&lt;br /&gt;Yet childe ne kinsman liuing had he none&lt;br /&gt;To leaue them to; but thorough daily care&lt;br /&gt;To get, and nightly feare to lose his owne,&lt;br /&gt;He led a wretched life vnto him selfe vnknowne.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''Most wretched wight, whom nothing might suffise,&lt;br /&gt;Whose greedy lust did lacke in greatest store,&lt;br /&gt;Whose need had end, but no end couetise,&lt;br /&gt;Whose welth was want, whose plēty made him pore,&lt;br /&gt;Who had enough, yett wished euer more.''&lt;/p&gt;
** &lt;p&gt;And greedy [[Avarice]] by him did ride&lt;br /&gt;Upon a camel loaden all with gold;&lt;br /&gt;Two iron coffers hung on either side,&lt;br /&gt;With precious metal full as they might hold;&lt;br /&gt;And in his lap a heap of coin he told;&lt;br /&gt;For of his wicked pelf his god he made,&lt;br /&gt;And unto hell himself for money sold;&lt;br /&gt;Accursed usury was all his trade;&lt;br /&gt;And right and wrong alike in equal balance weighed.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;His life was nigh unto death's door y-placed,&lt;br /&gt;And thread-bare coat and cobbled shoes he ware,&lt;br /&gt;Nor scarce good morsel all his life did taste;&lt;br /&gt;But both from back and belly still did spare,&lt;br /&gt;To fill his bags, and riches to compare;&lt;br /&gt;Yet child nor kinsman living had he none&lt;br /&gt;To leave them to; but thorough daily care&lt;br /&gt;To get, and nightly fear to lose his own,&lt;br /&gt;He led a wretched life unto himself unknown.&lt;/p&gt;Most wretched wight, whom nothing might suffice,&lt;br /&gt;Whose greedy lust did lack in greatest store,&lt;br /&gt;Whose need had end, but no end covetise,&lt;br /&gt;'''Whose wealth was want, whose plenty made him poor''',&lt;br /&gt;Who had enough, yet wished ever more.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanzas 27–29
*** Note: ''told''=counted; ''wicked pelf''=ill-gotten wealth, filthy lucre; ''compare'': procure (one of the meanings of the Latin ''comparare''), obtain; ''wight''=creature; ''covetise''=covetousness


* ''He hated all good workes and vertuous deeds,&lt;br /&gt;And him no lesse, that any like did vse,&lt;br /&gt;And who with gratious bread the hungry feeds,&lt;br /&gt;His almes for want of faith he doth accuse;&lt;br /&gt;So euery good to bad he doth abuse:&lt;br /&gt;And eke the verse of famous Poets witt&lt;br /&gt;He does backebite, and spightfull poison spues&lt;br /&gt;From leprous mouth on all, that euer writt:&lt;br /&gt;Such one vile'' Enuy ''was, that first in row did sitt.''
** He hated all good works and virtuous deeds,&lt;br /&gt;And him no less, that any like did use,&lt;br /&gt;And who with gracious bread the hungry feeds,&lt;br /&gt;His alms for want of faith he doth accuse;&lt;br /&gt;So every good to bad he doth abuse;&lt;br /&gt;And eke the verse of famous poets' wit&lt;br /&gt;He does backbite, and spiteful poison spews&lt;br /&gt;From leprous mouth on all that ever writ:&lt;br /&gt;Such one vile [[Envy]] was, that first in row did sit.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 32
*** Note: ''row''=order


[[File:Jheronimus Bosch Table of the Mortal Sins (Ira).jpg|thumb|Full many mischiefs follow cruel wrath:&lt;br /&gt;Abhorred bloodshed and tumultuous strife,&lt;br /&gt;Unmanly murder and unthrifty scath.]]
[[File:019 Sadness and grief symbol - statue at Vienna Zentralfriedhof Cemetery.jpg|thumb|Fretting grief, the enemy of life.]]
* ''Full many mischiefes follow cruell'' Wrath'';&lt;br /&gt;Abhorred bloodshed, and tumultuous strife,&lt;br /&gt;Vn manly murder, and vnthrifty scath,&lt;br /&gt;Bitter despight, with rancours rusty knife,&lt;br /&gt;And fretting griefe the enemy of life;&lt;br /&gt;All these, and many euils moe haunt ire,&lt;br /&gt;The swelling Splene, and Frenzy raging rife,&lt;br /&gt;The shaking Palsey, and Saint'' Fraunces ''fire:&lt;br /&gt;Such one was'' Wrath'', the last of this vngodly tire.''
** Full many mischiefs follow cruel [[Anger|Wrath]];&lt;br /&gt;Abhorred Bloodshed and tumultuous Strife,&lt;br /&gt;Unmanly Murder and unthrifty Scath,&lt;br /&gt;Bitter Despite, with Rancour's rusty knife,&lt;br /&gt;And '''fretting Grief, the enemy of life''';&lt;br /&gt;All these and many evils more haunt Ire,&lt;br /&gt;The swelling Spleen and Frenzy raging rife,&lt;br /&gt;The shaking Palsy and Saint Francis' fire:&lt;br /&gt;Such one was Wrath, the last of this ungodly tire.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 35
*** Note: ''scath''=harm, mischief; ''Saint Francis' fire''=Saint Anthony's fire (according to [[w:John Upton (Spenser editor)|Upton]]'s glossary), [[w:erysipelas|erysipelas]]; ''tire''=row, procession (referring to the pageant of the [[w:Seven deadly sins|Seven Deadly Sins]])


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14803337333).jpg|thumb|The noble heart that harbours virtuous thought,&lt;br /&gt;And is with child of glorious-great intent,&lt;br /&gt;Can never rest until it forth have brought&lt;br /&gt;The eternal brood of glory excellent.]]
* ''The noble hart, that harbours vertuous thought,&lt;br /&gt;And is with childe of glorious great intent,&lt;br /&gt;Can neuer rest, vntill it forth haue brought&lt;br /&gt;Th'eternall brood of glorie excellent.''
** '''The noble heart, that harbours virtuous thought,&lt;br /&gt;And is with child of glorious, great intent,&lt;br /&gt;Can never rest until it forth have brought&lt;br /&gt;The eternal brood of glory excellent.'''
*** Bk. I, Canto V, stanza 1


[[File:C solarcorona2003.gif|thumb|At last, the golden oriental gate&lt;br /&gt;Of greatest heaven 'gan to open fair,&lt;br /&gt;And Phoebus, fresh as bridegroom to his mate,&lt;br /&gt;Came dancing forth, shaking his dewy hair,&lt;br /&gt;And hurled his glistering beams through gloomy air.]]
* ''At last the golden Orientall gate&lt;br /&gt;Of greatest heauen gan to open fayre,&lt;br /&gt;And'' Phoebus ''fresh, as brydegrome to his mate,&lt;br /&gt;Came dauncing forth, shaking his deawie hayre:,&lt;br /&gt;And hurls his glistring beams through gloomy ayre.''
** At last the golden oriental gate&lt;br /&gt;Of greatest heaven 'gan to open fair,&lt;br /&gt;And Phoebus, fresh as bridegroom to his mate,&lt;br /&gt;Came dancing forth, shaking his dewy hair,&lt;br /&gt;And hurled his glistering beams through gloomy air.
*** Bk. I, Canto V, stanza 2
*** Compare:
**** In them hath He set a tabernacle for the sun, which cometh forth as a bridegroom out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a giant to run his course.
***** [[Psalm]] 19:5 ([[Myles Coverdale|Coverdale]]'s translation of 1535)
**** See how the morning opes her golden gates,&lt;br /&gt;And takes her farewell of the glorious sun!&lt;br /&gt;How well resembles it the prime of youth,&lt;br /&gt;Trimmed like a younker prancing to his love!
***** [[Shakespeare]], ''[[Henry VI, Part 3]]'' (c. 1591) , Act II, scene 2


[[File:Crocodylus porosus - Eye - Wilhelma.jpg|thumb|A cruel crafty crocodile,&lt;br /&gt;Which in false grief hiding his harmful guile,&lt;br /&gt;Doth weep full sore, and sheddeth tender tears.]]
* ''A cruell craftie Crocodile,&lt;br /&gt;Which in false griefe hyding his harmefull guile,&lt;br /&gt;Doth weepe full sore, and sheddeth tender teares.''
** A cruel crafty crocodile,&lt;br /&gt;Which in false grief hiding his harmful guile,&lt;br /&gt;Doth weep full sore, and sheddeth tender tears.
*** Bk. I, Canto V, stanza 18


* ''Where griesly'' Night'', with visage deadly sad,&lt;br /&gt;That'' Phoebus ''chearefull face durst neuer vew,&lt;br /&gt;And in a foule blacke pitchy mantle clad,&lt;br /&gt;She findes forth comming from her darksome mew,&lt;br /&gt;Where she all day did hide her hated hew.&lt;br /&gt;Before the dore her yron charet stood,&lt;br /&gt;Already harnessed for iourney new;&lt;br /&gt;And coleblacke steedes yborne of hellish brood,&lt;br /&gt;That on their rusty bits did champ, as they were wood.''
** Where grisly [[Night]], with visage deadly sad,&lt;br /&gt;That Phoebus' cheerful face dares never view,&lt;br /&gt;And in a foul black pitchy mantle clad,&lt;br /&gt;She finds forth coming from her darksome mew,&lt;br /&gt;Where she all day did hide her hated hue:&lt;br /&gt;Before the door her iron chariot stood,&lt;br /&gt;Already harnessed for journey new;&lt;br /&gt;And coal-black steeds yborn of hellish brood,&lt;br /&gt;That on their rusty bits did champ, as they were wood.
*** Bk. I, Canto V, stanza 20


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14783473115).jpg|thumb|Who can turn the stream of destiny?]]
* ''But who can turne the streame of destinee,&lt;br /&gt;Or breake the chayne of strong necessitee.''
** But who can turn the stream of destiny,&lt;br /&gt;Or break the chain of strong necessity?
*** Bk. I, Canto V, stanza 25


* ''That cruell word her tender hart so thrild,&lt;br /&gt;That suddein cold did ronne through euery vaine,&lt;br /&gt;And stony horrour all her sences fild&lt;br /&gt;With dying fitt, that downe she fell for paine.''
** That cruel word her tender heart so thrilled&lt;br /&gt;That sudden cold did run through every vein,&lt;br /&gt;And stony horror all her senses filled,&lt;br /&gt;With dying fit, that down she fell for pain.
*** Bk. I, Canto VI, stanza 37


* ''Therewith they gan, both furious and fell,&lt;br /&gt;To thunder blowes, and fiersly to assaile&lt;br /&gt;Each other, bent his enimy to quell,&lt;br /&gt;That with their force they perst both plate &amp; maile,&lt;br /&gt;And made wide furrowes in their fleshes fraile,&lt;br /&gt;That it would pitty any liuing eie.&lt;br /&gt;Large floods of blood adowne their sides did raile;&lt;br /&gt;But floods of blood could not them satisfie:&lt;br /&gt;Both hongred after death: both chose to win, or die.''
** Therewith they 'gan, both furious and fell,&lt;br /&gt;To thunder blows, and fiercely to assail&lt;br /&gt;Each other, bent his enemy to quell,&lt;br /&gt;That with their force they pierced both plate and mail,&lt;br /&gt;And made wide furrows in their fleshes frail,&lt;br /&gt;That it would pity any living eye.&lt;br /&gt;Large floods of blood adown their sides did rail;&lt;br /&gt;But floods of blood could not them satisfy:&lt;br /&gt;Both hungered after death; both chose to win, or die.
*** Bk. I, Canto VI, stanza 43


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14803329163).jpg|thumb|What man so wise, what earthly wit so ware,&lt;br /&gt;As to descry the crafty cunning train&lt;br /&gt;By which Deceit doth mask in visor fair,&lt;br /&gt;And cast her colours, dyed deep in grain,&lt;br /&gt;To seem like Truth, whose shape she well can feign?]]
* ''What man so wise, what earthly witt so ware,&lt;br /&gt;As to discry the crafty cunning traine,&lt;br /&gt;By which deceipt doth maske in visour faire,&lt;br /&gt;And cast her coulours died deepe in graine,&lt;br /&gt;To seeme like truth, whose shape she well can faine,&lt;br /&gt;And fitting gestures to her purpose frame;&lt;br /&gt;The guiltlesse man with guile to entertaine?''
** What man so wise, what earthly wit so ware,&lt;br /&gt;As to descry the crafty cunning train&lt;br /&gt;By which [[Deceit]] doth mask in visor fair,&lt;br /&gt;And cast her colours, dyed deep in grain,&lt;br /&gt;To seem like Truth, whose shape she well can feign,&lt;br /&gt;And fitting gestures to her purpose frame,&lt;br /&gt;The guiltless man with guile to entertain?
*** Bk. I, Canto VII, stanza 1
*** Note: ''ware''=cautious; ''train''=snare; ''cast''=contrive, arrange


* ''Who hath endur'd the whole, can beare ech part.''
** Who hath endured the whole, can bear each part.
*** Bk. I, Canto VII, stanza 25


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14781140054).jpg|thumb|What world's delight or joy of living speech&lt;br /&gt;Can heart so plunged in sea of sorrows deep&lt;br /&gt;And heaped with so huge misfortunes reach?]]
* ''What worlds delight, or ioy of liuing speach&lt;br /&gt;Can hart, so plungd in sea of sorrowes deep,&lt;br /&gt;And heaped with so huge misfortunes, reach?&lt;br /&gt;The carefull cold beginneth for to creep,&lt;br /&gt;And in my heart his yron arrow steep,&lt;br /&gt;Soone as I thinke vpon my bitter bale.''
** &quot;What world's delight, or joy of living speech,&lt;br /&gt;Can heart, so plunged in sea of sorrows deep,&lt;br /&gt;And heaped with so huge misfortunes, reach?&lt;br /&gt;The careful cold beginneth for to creep,&lt;br /&gt;And in my heart his iron arrow steep,&lt;br /&gt;Soon as I think upon my bitter bale.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto VII, stanza 39; Una sharing her troubles with Prince Arthur


* ''let me you intrete,&lt;br /&gt;For to vnfold the anguish of your hart:&lt;br /&gt;Mishaps are maistred by aduice discrete,&lt;br /&gt;And counsell mitigates the greatest smart.''
** &quot;Let me you entreat,&lt;br /&gt;For to unfold the anguish of your heart:&lt;br /&gt;Mishaps are mastered by [[advice]] discrete,&lt;br /&gt;And counsel mitigates the greatest smart.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto VII, stanza 40; Arthur comforting Una


* ''O but (qd. she) great griefe will not be tould,&lt;br /&gt;And can more easily be thought, then said.''
** &quot;O! but,&quot; quoth she, &quot;great grief will not be told,&lt;br /&gt;And can more easily be thought than said.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto VII, stanza 41
*** Note: ''quoth''=said


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14780346211).jpg|thumb|Ay me, how many perils do enfold&lt;br /&gt;The righteous man, to make him daily fall!]]
* ''Ay me, how many perils doe enfold&lt;br /&gt;The righteous man, to make him daily fall,&lt;br /&gt;Were not that heauenly grace doth him vphold,&lt;br /&gt;And stedfast truth acquite him out of all.''
** '''Ay me, how many perils do enfold&lt;br /&gt;The righteous man, to make him daily fall''',&lt;br /&gt;Were not that heavenly grace doth him uphold,&lt;br /&gt;And steadfast Truth acquit him out of all!
*** Bk. I, Canto VIII, stanza 1
*** Note: ''acquit''=rescue, set free


* ''As when in Cymbrian plaine&lt;br /&gt;An heard of Bulles, whom kindly rage doth sting,&lt;br /&gt;Doe for the milky mothers want complaine,&lt;br /&gt;And fill the fieldes with troublous bellowing.''
** As when in [[w:Cimbri|Cimbrian]] plain&lt;br /&gt;A herd of bulls, whom kindly rage doth sting,&lt;br /&gt;Do for the milky mothers' want complain,&lt;br /&gt;And fill the fields with troublous bellowing.
*** Bk. I, Canto VIII, stanza 11
*** Note: ''kindly''=according to kind (or nature), natural


* &lt;p&gt;''At last with creeping crooked pace forth came&lt;br /&gt;An old old man, with beard as white as snow,&lt;br /&gt;That on a staffe his feeble steps did frame,&lt;br /&gt;And guyde his wearie gate both too and fro;&lt;br /&gt;For his eye sight him fayled long ygo,&lt;br /&gt;And on his arme a bounch of keyes he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The which vnused rust did ouergrow:&lt;br /&gt;Those were the keyes of euery inner dore,&lt;br /&gt;But he could not them vse, but kept them still in store.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''But very vncouth sight was to behold,&lt;br /&gt;How he did fashion his vntoward pace,&lt;br /&gt;For as he forward mooud his footing old,&lt;br /&gt;So backward still was turnd his wrincled face,&lt;br /&gt;Vnlike to men, who euer as they trace,&lt;br /&gt;Both feet and face one way are wont to lead.&lt;br /&gt;This was the auncient keeper of that place,&lt;br /&gt;And foster father of the Gyaunt dead;&lt;br /&gt;His name'' Ignaro ''did his nature right aread.''&lt;/p&gt;
** &lt;p&gt;With creeping crooked pace forth came&lt;br /&gt;An old, old man, with beard as white as snow,&lt;br /&gt;That on a staff his feeble steps did frame,&lt;br /&gt;And guide his weary gait both to and fro,&lt;br /&gt;For his eyesight him failed long ago;&lt;br /&gt;And on his arm a bunch of keys he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The which, unused, rust did overgrow:&lt;br /&gt;Those were the keys of every inner door,&lt;br /&gt;But he could not them use, but kept them still in store.&lt;/p&gt;But very uncouth sight was to behold&lt;br /&gt;How he did fashion his untoward pace:&lt;br /&gt;For as he forward moved his footing old,&lt;br /&gt;So backward still was turned his wrinkled face,&lt;br /&gt;Unlike to men, who ever, as they trace,&lt;br /&gt;Both feet and face one way are wont to lead.&lt;br /&gt;This was the ancient keeper of that place,&lt;br /&gt;And foster father of the giant dead;&lt;br /&gt;His name [[Ignorance|Ignaro]] did his nature right aread.
*** Bk. I, Canto VIII, stanzas 30–31


* Entire affection hateth nicer hands.
** Bk. I, Canto VIII, stanza 40


* ''Good growes of euils priefe.&lt;br /&gt;The chearelesse man, whom sorow did dismay,&lt;br /&gt;Had no delight to treaten of his griefe;&lt;br /&gt;His long endured famine needed more reliefe.''
** &quot;Good grows of evil's prefe.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;The cheerless man, whom sorrow did dismay,&lt;br /&gt;Had no delight to treaten of his grief;&lt;br /&gt;His long-endured famine needed more relief.
*** Bk. I, Canto VIII, stanza 43
*** Note: ''prefe''=proof, experience


* ''Faire Lady, then said that victorious knight,&lt;br /&gt;The things, that grieuous were to doe, or beare,&lt;br /&gt;Them to renew, I wote, breeds no delight;&lt;br /&gt;Best musicke breeds delight in loathing eare:&lt;br /&gt;But th'only good, that growes of passed feare,&lt;br /&gt;Is to be wise, and ware of like agein.''
** &quot;Fair Lady,&quot; then said that victorious knight,&lt;br /&gt;&quot;The things that grievous were to do or bear,&lt;br /&gt;Them to renew, I wot, breeds no delight;&lt;br /&gt;Best music breeds dislike in loathing ear:&lt;br /&gt;But the only good that grows of passed fear&lt;br /&gt;Is to be wise, and ware of like again.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto VIII, stanza 44


* ''When I awoke, and found her place deuoyd,&lt;br /&gt;And nought but pressed gras where she had lyen,&lt;br /&gt;I sorrowed all so much, as earst I ioyd,&lt;br /&gt;And washed all her place with watry eyen.''
** When I awoke and found her place devoid,&lt;br /&gt;And naught but pressed grass where she had lain,&lt;br /&gt;I sorrowed all so much as erst I joyed,&lt;br /&gt;And washed all her place with watery eyne.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 15


* ''True Loues are oftẽ sown, but seldom grow on grownd.''
** True loves are often sown, but seldom grow on ground.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 16


* ''Still as he fledd, his eye was backward cast,&lt;br /&gt;As if his feare still followed him behynd;&lt;br /&gt;Als flew his steed, as he his bandes had brast,&lt;br /&gt;And with his winged heeles did tread the wynd,&lt;br /&gt;As he had beene a fole of'' Pegasus ''his kynd.''
** '''Still, as he fled, his eye was backward cast,&lt;br /&gt;As if his fear still followed him behind''';&lt;br /&gt;Also flew his steed, as he his bands had burst,&lt;br /&gt;And with his winged heels did tread the wind,&lt;br /&gt;As he had been a foal of Pegasus his kind.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 21


[[File:Füssli - The Cave of Despair, c. 1769.jpg|thumb|That darksome cave they enter, where they find&lt;br /&gt;That cursed man, low sitting on the ground,&lt;br /&gt;Musing full sadly in his sullen mind.]]
* ''That darkesome caue they enter, where they find&lt;br /&gt;That cursed man, low sitting on the ground,&lt;br /&gt;Musing full sadly in his sullein mind.''
** That darksome cave they enter, where they find&lt;br /&gt;That cursed man, low sitting on the ground,&lt;br /&gt;Musing full sadly in his sullen mind.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 35


* ''His raw-bone cheekes through penurie and pine,&lt;br /&gt;Were shronke into his iawes, as he did neuer dyne.''
** His raw-bone cheeks, through [[penury]] and pine,&lt;br /&gt;Were shrunk into his jaws, as he did never dine.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 35


[[File:Port after Stormy Seas.jpg|thumb|Sleep after toil, port after stormy seas,&lt;br /&gt;Ease after war, death after life, does greatly please.]]
* ''Is not short payne well borne, that bringes long ease,&lt;br /&gt;And layes the soule to sleepe in quiet graue?&lt;br /&gt;Sleepe after toyle, port after stormie seas,&lt;br /&gt;Ease after warre, death after life does greatly please.''
** &quot;Is not short pain well borne that brings long ease&lt;br /&gt;And lays the soul to sleep in quiet grave?&lt;br /&gt;'''Sleep after toil, port after stormy seas,&lt;br /&gt;Ease after war, death after life, does greatly please.'''&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 40; Despair's argument for suicide


* ''The terme of life limited,&lt;br /&gt;Ne may a man prolong, nor shorten it;&lt;br /&gt;The souldier may not moue from watchfull sted,&lt;br /&gt;Nor leaue his stand, vntill his Captaine bed.&lt;br /&gt;Who life did limit by almightie doome,&lt;br /&gt;(Quoth he) knowes best the termes established;&lt;br /&gt;And he, that points the Centonell his roome,&lt;br /&gt;Doth license him depart at sound of morning droome.''
** &quot;The term of [[life]] is limited,&lt;br /&gt;Nor may a man prolong nor shorten it:&lt;br /&gt;The soldier may not move from watchful stead,&lt;br /&gt;Nor leave his stand, until his captain bid.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Who life did limit by almighty doom,&quot;&lt;br /&gt;Quoth he, &quot;knows best the terms established;&lt;br /&gt;And he, that points the sentinel his room,&lt;br /&gt;Doth license him depart at sound of morning drum.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 41; spoken by the Red Cross Knight


[[File:Joseph Mallord William Turner (1775-1851) - The Cave of Despair - N05522 - National Gallery.jpg|thumb|Death is the end of woes: die soon, O fairy's son.]]
* ''Death is the end of woes: die soone, O faries sonne.''
** &quot;Death is the end of woes: die soon, O fairy's son.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 47; Despair tempting the Red Cross Knight to commit suicide


[[File:Benjamin West - The Cave of Despair - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|His hand did quake&lt;br /&gt;And tremble like a leaf of aspen green,&lt;br /&gt;And troubled blood through his pale face was seen,&lt;br /&gt;As it a running messenger had been.]]
* ''His hand did quake,&lt;br /&gt;And tremble like a leafe of Aspin greene,&lt;br /&gt;And troubled blood through his pale face was seene&lt;br /&gt;To come, and goe with tidings from the heart,&lt;br /&gt;As it a ronning messenger had beene.''
** His hand did quake&lt;br /&gt;And tremble like a leaf of aspen green,&lt;br /&gt;And troubled blood through his pale face was seen&lt;br /&gt;To come and go, with tidings from the heart,&lt;br /&gt;As it a running messenger had been.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 51


[[File:Charles Lock Eastlake (1793-1865) - The Cave of Despair (from Edmund Spenser's 'The Faerie Queene', Book 1, Canto 9, Lines 8–35) - SM P243 - Sir John Soane's Museum.jpg|thumb|Where justice grows, there grows eke greater grace.]]
* ''Where iustice growes, there grows eke greter grace,&lt;br /&gt;The which doth quench the brond of hellish smart.''
** Where justice grows, there grows eke greater [[grace]],&lt;br /&gt;The which doth quench the brand of hellish smart.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 53; spoken by Una


* Each goodly thing is hardest to begin.
** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 6


[[File:George Stubbs 015.jpg|thumb|O happy earth,&lt;br /&gt;Whereon thy innocent feet do ever tread!]]
* O happy earth,&lt;br /&gt;Whereon thy innocent feet do ever tread!
** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 9


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14760502906).jpg|thumb|So few there be&lt;br /&gt;That choose the narrow path, or seek the right!&lt;br /&gt;All keep the broad highway, and take delight&lt;br /&gt;With many rather for to go astray,&lt;br /&gt;And be partakers of their evil plight,&lt;br /&gt;Than with a few to walk the rightest way.]]
* ''So few there bee,&lt;br /&gt;That chose the narrow path, or seeke the right:&lt;br /&gt;All keepe the broad high way, and take delight&lt;br /&gt;With many rather for to goe astray,&lt;br /&gt;And be partakers of their euill plight,&lt;br /&gt;Then with a few to walke the rightest way.''
** So few there be&lt;br /&gt;That choose the narrow path, or seek the right!&lt;br /&gt;All keep the broad highway, and take delight&lt;br /&gt;With many rather for to go astray,&lt;br /&gt;And be partakers of their evil plight,&lt;br /&gt;Than with a few to walk the rightest way.
*** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 10; the Red Cross Knight at the House of Holiness


* ''But wise ''Speranza'' gaue him comfort sweet,&lt;br /&gt;And taught him how to take assured hold&lt;br /&gt;Vpon her siluer anchor, as was meet;&lt;br /&gt;Els had his sinnes so great, and manifold&lt;br /&gt;Made him forget all, that ''Fidelia'' told.''
** But wise Speranza gave him comfort sweet,&lt;br /&gt;And taught him how to take assured hold&lt;br /&gt;Upon her silver anchor, as was meet;&lt;br /&gt;Else had his sins so great and manifold&lt;br /&gt;Made him forget all that Fidelia told.
*** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 22
*** Note: ''Speranza''=Hope; ''Fidelia''=Faith


* ''In ashes and sackcloth he did array&lt;br /&gt;His daintie corse, proud humors to abate,&lt;br /&gt;And dieted with fasting euery day,&lt;br /&gt;The swelling of his woundes to mitigate,&lt;br /&gt;And made him pray both earely and eke late:&lt;br /&gt;And euer as superfluous flesh did rott''&lt;br /&gt;Amendment ''readie still at hand did wayt,&lt;br /&gt;To pluck it out with pincers fyrie whott,&lt;br /&gt;That soone in him was lefte no one corrupted iott.''
** In ashes and sackcloth he did array&lt;br /&gt;His dainty corse, proud humours to abate,&lt;br /&gt;And dieted with fasting every day,&lt;br /&gt;The swelling of his wounds to mitigate,&lt;br /&gt;And made him pray both early and eke late:&lt;br /&gt;And ever as superfluous flesh did rot,&lt;br /&gt;Amendment ready still at hand did wait,&lt;br /&gt;To pluck it out with pincers fiery hot,&lt;br /&gt;That soon in him was left no one corrupted jot.
*** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 26


[[File:Martorell - Sant Jordi.jpg|thumb|Saint George shall called be&lt;br /&gt;Saint George of merry England, the sign of victory.]]
* ''Saint ''George'' shalt called bee,&lt;br /&gt;''Saint George'' of mery England, the signe of victoree.''
** &quot;''Saint George'' shalt called be&lt;br&gt;''Saint George of merry England'', the sign of victory.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 61


* ''Dazed were his eyne,&lt;br /&gt;Through passing brightnes, which did quite cõfound&lt;br /&gt;His feeble sence, and too exceeding shyne.&lt;br /&gt;So darke are earthly thinges compard to things diuine.''
** Dazed were his eyne&lt;br /&gt;Through passing brightness, which did quite confound&lt;br /&gt;His feeble sense, and too exceeding shine.&lt;br /&gt;So dark are earthly things compared to things divine!
*** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 67


* ''Now gan the golden'' Phoebus ''for to steepe&lt;br /&gt;His fierie face in billowes of the west;&lt;br /&gt;And his faint steedes watred in Ocean deepe,&lt;br /&gt;Whiles from their iournall labours they did rest.''
** Now 'gan the golden Phoebus for to steep&lt;br /&gt;His fiery face in billows of the west,&lt;br /&gt;And his faint steeds watered in ocean deep,&lt;br /&gt;Whiles from their journal labours they did rest.
*** Bk. I, Canto XI, stanza 31


* ''By this the drouping day-light gan to fade,&lt;br /&gt;And yied his rowme to sad succeeding night,&lt;br /&gt;Who with her sable mantle gan to shade&lt;br /&gt;The face of earth, and wayes of liuing wight,&lt;br /&gt;And high her burning torch set vp in heauen bright.''
** By this the drooping daylight 'gan to fade&lt;br /&gt;And yield his room to sad succeeding [[night]],&lt;br /&gt;Who with her sable mantle 'gan to shade&lt;br /&gt;The face of earth and ways of living wight,&lt;br /&gt;And high her burning torch set up in heaven bright.
*** Bk. I, Canto XI, stanza 49


* ''Then on her head they sett agirlond greene,&lt;br /&gt;And crowned her twixt earnest and twixt game;&lt;br /&gt;Who in her self-resemblance well beseene,&lt;br /&gt;Did seeme such, as she was, a goodly maiden Queene.''
** Then on her head they set a garland green,&lt;br /&gt;And crowned her 'twixt earnest and 'twixt game:&lt;br /&gt;Who, in her self-resemblance well beseen,&lt;br /&gt;Did seem, such as she was, a goodly Maiden Queen.
*** Bk. I, Canto XII, stanza 8; of Una


* ''Now strike your sailes yee iolly Mariners,&lt;br /&gt;For we be come vnto a quiet rode,&lt;br /&gt;Where we must land some of our passengers,&lt;br /&gt;And light this weary vessell of her lode.''
** Now strike your sails, ye jolly mariners,&lt;br /&gt;For we be come unto a quiet road,&lt;br /&gt;Where we must land some of our passengers,&lt;br /&gt;And light this weary vessel of her load.
*** Bk. I, Canto XII, stanza 42
&lt;br /&gt;

==== Book II ====
[[File:William Blake - Edmund Spenser - Manchester City Gallery - Tempera on canvas c 1800.jpg|thumb|Why then should witless man so much misween&lt;br /&gt;That nothing is but that which he hath seen?]]
* ''Why then should witlesse man so much misweene&lt;br /&gt;That nothing is but that which he hath seene?''
** Why then should witless man so much misween&lt;br /&gt;That nothing is but that which he hath seen?
*** Bk. II, Proem, stanza 3


* ''But now so wise and wary was the knight&lt;br /&gt;By tryall of his former harmes and cares,&lt;br /&gt;That he descryde, and shonned still his slight:&lt;br /&gt;The fish that once was caught, new bait wil hardly byte.''
** But now so wise and wary was the knight,&lt;br /&gt;By trial of his former harms and cares,&lt;br /&gt;That he descried, and shunned still, his slight:&lt;br /&gt;The fish that once was caught, new bait will hardly bite.
*** Bk. II, Canto I, stanza 4


* ''Which when she heard, as in despightfull wise,&lt;br /&gt;She wilfully her sorrow did augment,&lt;br /&gt;And offred hope of comfort did despise:&lt;br /&gt;Her golden lockes most cruelly she rent,&lt;br /&gt;And scratcht her face with ghastly dreriment,&lt;br /&gt;Ne would she speake, nesee, ne yet be seene,&lt;br /&gt;But hid her visage, and her head downe bent,&lt;br /&gt;Either for grieuous shame, or for great teene,&lt;br /&gt;As if her hart with sorow had transfixed beene.''
** Which when she heard, as in despightful wise,&lt;br /&gt;She wilfully her sorrow did augment,&lt;br /&gt;And offered hope of comfort did despise;&lt;br /&gt;Her golden locks most cruelly she rent,&lt;br /&gt;And scratched her face with ghastly dreriment;&lt;br /&gt;Nor would she speak, nor see, nor yet be seen,&lt;br /&gt;But hid her visage and her head down bent,&lt;br /&gt;Either for grievous shame, or for great teen,&lt;br /&gt;As if her heart with sorrow had transfixed been.
*** Bk. II, Canto I, stanza 15


* ''Come then, come soone, come sweetest death to me,&lt;br /&gt;And take away this long lent loathed light:&lt;br /&gt;Sharpe be thy wounds, but sweete the medicines be,&lt;br /&gt;That long captiued soules from weary thraldome free.''
** Come then, come soon; come, sweetest [[death]], to me,&lt;br /&gt;And take away this long lent loathed light:&lt;br /&gt;Sharp be thy wounds, but sweet the medicines be&lt;br /&gt;That long captived souls from weary thraldom free.
*** Bk. II, Canto I, stanza 36


* ''Behold the ymage of mortalitie,&lt;br /&gt;And feeble nature cloth'd with fleshly tyre&lt;br /&gt;When raging passion with fierce tyranny&lt;br /&gt;Robs reason of her dew regalitie,&lt;br /&gt;And makes it seruaunt to her basest part,&lt;br /&gt;The strong it weakens with infirmitie:&lt;br /&gt;And with bold furie armes the weakest hart;&lt;br /&gt;The strong through pleasure soonest falles, the weake through smart.''
** Behold the image of mortality,&lt;br /&gt;And feeble nature clothed with fleshly tire,&lt;br /&gt;When raging [[passion]] with fierce tyranny&lt;br /&gt;Robs reason of her due regality,&lt;br /&gt;And makes it servant to her basest part:&lt;br /&gt;The strong it weakens with infirmity,&lt;br /&gt;And with bold fury arms the weakest heart;&lt;br /&gt;The strong through pleasure soonest falls, the weak through smart.
*** Bk. II, Canto I, stanza 57


[[File:Arnold Böcklin - Die Toteninsel III (Alte Nationalgalerie, Berlin).jpg|thumb|Death is an equal doom&lt;br /&gt;To good and bad, the common inn of rest.]]
* ''Death is an equall doome&lt;br /&gt;To good and bad, the commen In of rest.''
** &quot;Death is an equal doom&lt;br /&gt;To good and bad, the common inn of rest.&quot;
*** Bk. II, Canto I, stanza 59
*** Compare:
**** Like pilgrims, to the appointed place we tend;&lt;br /&gt;The world's an inn, and death the journey's end.
***** [[John Dryden]], ''[[Fables, Ancient and Modern]]'' (1700), &quot;[[w:Palamon and Arcite|Palamon and Arcite]]&quot; (a translation of &quot;[[w:The Knight's Tale|The Knight's Tale]]&quot; from [[Geoffrey Chaucer|Chaucer]]'s ''[[The Canterbury Tales|Canterbury Tales]]''), 3.887


* Such is the state of men!
** Bk. II, Canto II, stanza 2


* ''So double was his paines, so double be his praise.''
** So double was his pains, so double be his praise.
*** Bk. II, Canto II, stanza 25


* ''Now gan his hart all swell in iollity,&lt;br /&gt;And of him selfe great hope and help conceiu'd,&lt;br /&gt;That puffed vp with smoke of vanity,&lt;br /&gt;And with selfe-loued personage deceiu'd,&lt;br /&gt;He gan to hope, of men to be receiu'd&lt;br /&gt;For such, as he him thought, or faine would bee:&lt;br /&gt;But for in court gay portaunce he perceiu'd,&lt;br /&gt;And gallant shew to be in greatest gree,&lt;br /&gt;Eftsoones to court he cast t'aduaunce his first degree.''
** Now 'gan his heart all swell in jollity,&lt;br /&gt;And of himself great hope and help conceived,&lt;br /&gt;That puffed up with smoke of vanity,&lt;br /&gt;And with self-loved personage deceived,&lt;br /&gt;He 'gan to hope of men to be received&lt;br /&gt;For such as he him thought, or fain would be.&lt;br /&gt;But for in court gay portaunce he perceived&lt;br /&gt;And gallant show to be in greatest gree,&lt;br /&gt;Eftsoons to court he cast to advance his first degree.
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 5


* ''Vaineglorious man, when fluttring wind does blow&lt;br /&gt;In his light winges, is lifted vp to skye:&lt;br /&gt;The scorne of knighthood and trew cheualrye,&lt;br /&gt;To thinke without desert of gentle deed,&lt;br /&gt;And noble worth to be aduaunced hye:&lt;br /&gt;Such prayse is shame; but honour vertues meed&lt;br /&gt;Doth beare the fayrest flowre in honourable seed.''
** Vainglorious man, when fluttering wind does blow&lt;br /&gt;In his light wings, is lifted up to sky;&lt;br /&gt;The scorn of knighthood and true chivalry,&lt;br /&gt;To think, without desert of gentle deed&lt;br /&gt;And noble worth, to be advanced high:&lt;br /&gt;Such praise is shame; but honour, virtue's meed,&lt;br /&gt;Doth bear the fairest flower in honourable seed.
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 10


[[File:Darnley stage 3 (3x4 cropped).jpg|thumb|Her face so fair, as flesh it seemed not,&lt;br /&gt;But heavenly portrait of bright angel's hue,&lt;br /&gt;Clear as the sky, withouten blame or blot,&lt;br /&gt;Through goodly mixture of complexion's dew.]]
* ''Her face so faire as flesh it seemed not,&lt;br /&gt;But heuenly pourtraict of bright Angels hew,&lt;br /&gt;Cleare as the skye, withouten blame or blot,&lt;br /&gt;Through goodly mixture of complexions dew.''
** Her face so fair, as flesh it seemed not,&lt;br /&gt;But heavenly portrait of bright angel's hue,&lt;br /&gt;Clear as the sky, withouten blame or blot,&lt;br /&gt;Through goodly mixture of complexion's dew.
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 22; of [[w:Belphoebe|Belphoebe]], a representation of [[Elizabeth I|Queen Elizabeth]] (as Spenser explains in his [[s:The Faerie Queene (1590/1596)/Books 1 to 3 (1590)/A Letter of the Authors expounding his whole intention in the course of this worke|letter to Raleigh]])


[[File:Walter Crane, Belphoebe.jpg|thumb|In her fair eyes two '''living lamps''' did flame,&lt;br /&gt;Kindled above, at the heavenly Maker's light,&lt;br /&gt;And darted fiery beams out of the same,&lt;br /&gt;So passing piersant, and so wondrous bright,&lt;br /&gt;That quite bereaved the rash beholder's sight.]]
* ''In her faire eyes two liuing lamps did flame,&lt;br /&gt;Kindled aboue at th'heuenly makers light,&lt;br /&gt;And darted fyrie beames out of the same,&lt;br /&gt;So passing persant, and so wondrous bright,&lt;br /&gt;That quite bereau'd the rash beholders sight.''
** In her fair [[eyes]] two living lamps did flame,&lt;br /&gt;Kindled above, at the heavenly Maker's light,&lt;br /&gt;And darted fiery beams out of the same,&lt;br /&gt;So passing piersant, and so wondrous bright,&lt;br /&gt;That quite bereaved the rash beholder's sight.
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 23; of Belphoebe


* ''And when she spake,&lt;br /&gt;Sweete wordes, like dropping honny she did shed,&lt;br /&gt;And twixt the perles and rubins softly brake&lt;br /&gt;A siluer sound, that heauenly musicke seemd to make.''
** And when she spake,&lt;br /&gt;Sweet words, like dropping honey, she did shed;&lt;br /&gt;And 'twixt the pearls and rubies softly brake&lt;br /&gt;A silver sound, that heavenly music seemed to make.
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 24; of Belphoebe


* ''Vpon her eyelids many Graces sate,&lt;br /&gt;Vnder the shadow of her euen browes.''
** Upon her eyelids many graces sate,&lt;br /&gt;Under the shadows of her even brows.
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 25; of Belphoebe


* ''Who so in pompe of prowd estate (qd. she)&lt;br /&gt;Does swim, and bathes him selfe in courtly blis,&lt;br /&gt;Does waste his dayes in darke obscuritee,&lt;br /&gt;And in obliuion euer buried is.''
** &quot;Whoso in pomp of proud estate,&quot; quoth she,&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Does swim, and bathes himself in courtly bliss,&lt;br /&gt;Does waste his days in dark obscurity,&lt;br /&gt;And in oblivion ever buried is.&quot;
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 40


* ''Loue that two harts makes one, makes eke one will.''
** Love, that two hearts makes one, makes eke one will.
*** Bk. II, Canto IV, stanza 19


[[File:Phaedria and Cymochles.png|thumb|Matter of mirth enough, though there were none,&lt;br /&gt;She could devise, and thousand ways invent&lt;br /&gt;To feed her foolish humour and vain jolliment.]]
* ''And therein sate a Ladie fresh and faire,&lt;br /&gt;Making sweet solace to her selfe alone;&lt;br /&gt;Sometimes she sung, as loud as larke in aire,&lt;br /&gt;Sometimes she laught, as nigh her breth was gone,&lt;br /&gt;Yet was there not with her else any one,&lt;br /&gt;That might to her moue cause of meriment:&lt;br /&gt;Matter of merth enough, though there were none&lt;br /&gt;She could deuise, and thousand waies inuent,&lt;br /&gt;To feede her foolish humour, and vaine iolliment.''
** And therein sat a lady fresh and fair,&lt;br /&gt;Making sweet solace to herself alone:&lt;br /&gt;Sometimes she sung as loud as lark in air,&lt;br /&gt;Sometimes she laughed that nigh her breath was gone;&lt;br /&gt;Yet was there not with her else any one&lt;br /&gt;That might to her move cause of merriment:&lt;br /&gt;Matter of [[mirth]] enough, though there were none,&lt;br /&gt;She could devise, and thousand ways invent&lt;br /&gt;To feed her foolish humour and vain jolliment.
*** Bk. II, Canto VI, stanza 3 (2nd ed., 1596); of Phaedria (&quot;Immodest Mirth&quot;)


[[File:Sir Guyon Tempted by Phaedria to Land upon the Enchanted Islands.jpg|thumb|No dainty flower or herb that grows on ground,&lt;br /&gt;No arboret with painted blossoms dressed&lt;br /&gt;And smelling sweet, but there it might be found&lt;br /&gt;To bud out fair, and her sweet smells throw all around.]]
* ''No dainty flowre or herbe, that growes on grownd,&lt;br /&gt;No arborett with painted blossomes drest,&lt;br /&gt;And smelling sweete, but there it might be fownd&lt;br /&gt;To bud out faire, &amp; throwe her sweete smels al arownd.''
** No dainty flower or herb that grows on ground,&lt;br /&gt;No arboret with painted blossoms dressed&lt;br /&gt;And smelling sweet, but there it might be found&lt;br /&gt;To bud out fair, and her sweet smells throw all around.
*** Bk. II, Canto VI, stanza 12


* ''Yet nether spinnes nor cards, ne cares nor fretts,&lt;br /&gt;But to her mother Nature all her care she letts.''
** Yet neither spins, nor cards, nor cares, nor frets,&lt;br /&gt;But to her mother, nature, all her cares she lets.
*** Bk. II, Canto VI, stanza 16
*** Compare:
**** Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin.
***** [[Matthew]] 6:28 KJV


* ''The fields did laugh, the flowres did freshly spring,&lt;br /&gt;The trees did bud, and early blossomes bore,&lt;br /&gt;And all the quire of birds did sweetly sing,&lt;br /&gt;And told that gardins pleasures in their caroling.''
** The fields did laugh, the flowers did freshly spring,&lt;br /&gt;The trees did bud and early blossoms bore,&lt;br /&gt;And all the quire of birds did sweetly sing,&lt;br /&gt;And told that garden's pleasures in their caroling.
*** Bk. II, Canto VI, stanza 24


[[File:Mammon (The Faerie Queene).jpg|thumb|In his lap a mass of coin he told&lt;br /&gt;And turned upside down, to feed his eye&lt;br /&gt;And covetous desire with his huge treasury.]]
* ''His yron cote all ouergrowne with rust,&lt;br /&gt;Was vnderneath enueloped with gold,&lt;br /&gt;Whose glistring glosse darkned with filthy dust,&lt;br /&gt;Well yet appeared, to haue beene of old&lt;br /&gt;A worke of rich entayle, and curious mould,&lt;br /&gt;Wouen with antickes and wyld ymagery:&lt;br /&gt;And in his lap a masse of coyne he told,&lt;br /&gt;And turned vpside downe, to feede his eye&lt;br /&gt;And couetous desire with his huge threasury.''
** His iron coat, all overgrown with rust,&lt;br /&gt;Was underneath enveloped with gold,&lt;br /&gt;Whose glistering gloss, darkened with filthy dust,&lt;br /&gt;Well it appeared to have been of old&lt;br /&gt;A work of rich entail and curious mold,&lt;br /&gt;Woven with antiques and wild imagery.&lt;br /&gt;And in his lap a mass of coin he told&lt;br /&gt;And turned upside down, to feed his eye&lt;br /&gt;And covetous desire with his huge treasury.
*** Bk. II, Canto VII, stanza 4; of [[Mammon]]


* ''Before the dore sat selfe-consuming Care,&lt;br/&gt;Day and night keeping wary watch and ward,&lt;br/&gt;For feare least Force or Fraud should vnaware&lt;br/&gt;Breake in, and spoile the treasure there in gard:&lt;br/&gt;Ne would he suffer Sleepe once thether-ward&lt;br/&gt;Approch, albe his drowsy den were next;&lt;br/&gt;For next to death is Sleepe to be compard:&lt;br/&gt;Therefore his house is vnto his annext;&lt;br/&gt;Here Sleep, ther Richesse, &amp; Helgate thē both betwext.''
** Before the door sat self-consuming Care,&lt;br /&gt;Day and night keeping wary watch and ward,&lt;br /&gt;For fear lest Force or Fraud should unaware&lt;br /&gt;Break in, and spoil the treasure there in guard:&lt;br /&gt;Nor would he suffer Sleep once thitherward&lt;br /&gt;Approach, although his drowsy den were next;&lt;br /&gt;For next to Death is Sleep to be compared;&lt;br /&gt;Therefore his house is unto his annext:&lt;br /&gt;Here Sleep, there Riches, and Hell-gate them both betwixt.
*** Bk. II, Canto VII, stanza 25


* ''Some thought to raise themselues to high degree,&lt;br /&gt;By riches and vnrighteous reward,&lt;br /&gt;Some by close shouldring, some by flatteree;&lt;br /&gt;Others through friendes, others for base regard;&lt;br /&gt;And all by wrong waies for themselues prepard.&lt;br /&gt;Those that were vp themselues, kept others low,&lt;br /&gt;Those that were low themselues held others hard,&lt;br /&gt;Ne suffred them to ryse or greater grow,&lt;br /&gt;But euery one did striue his fellow downe to throw.''
** Some thought to raise themselves to high degree&lt;br /&gt;By riches and unrighteous reward;&lt;br /&gt;Some by close shouldering; some by flattery;&lt;br /&gt;Others through friends; others for base regard;&lt;br /&gt;And all by wrong ways for themselves prepared:&lt;br /&gt;Those that were up themselves kept others low,&lt;br /&gt;Those that were low themselves held others hard,&lt;br /&gt;Nor suffered them to rise or greater grow,&lt;br /&gt;But every one did drive his fellow down to throw.
*** Bk. II, Canto VII, stanza 47


[[File:Ceiling of Palazzo Barberini.jpg|thumb|And is there care in heaven? and is there love&lt;br /&gt;In heavenly spirits to these creatures base&lt;br /&gt;That may compassion of their evils move?&lt;br /&gt;There is: else much more wretched were the case&lt;br /&gt;Of men than beasts.]]
[[File:God the Father and angels, Pietro Perugino, Stanza dell'Incendio di Borgo, medalion, part of the ceiling, Vatican City 1.jpg|thumb|But O! the exceeding grace&lt;br /&gt;Of highest God, that loves His creatures so,&lt;br /&gt;And all His works with mercy doth embrace,&lt;br /&gt;That blessed angels He sends to and fro&lt;br /&gt;To serve to wicked man, to serve His wicked foe!]]
[[File:Bernhard Plockhorst - Schutzengel.jpg|thumb|How oft do they their silver bowers leave&lt;br /&gt;To come to succour us that succour want!]]
[[File:The faerie queene, with an exact collation of the two original editions, published by himself at London in quarto; the former containing the first three books printed in 1590, and the latter the six (14587725458).jpg|thumb|All for love, and nothing for reward!]]
* &lt;p&gt;''And is there care in heauen? and is their loue&lt;br /&gt;In heauenly spirits to these creatures bace,&lt;br /&gt;That may compassion of their euilles moue?&lt;br /&gt;There is: else much more wretched were the cace&lt;br /&gt;Of men then beasts. But O th'exceeding grace&lt;br /&gt;Of highest God, that loues his creatures so,&lt;br /&gt;And all his workes with mercy doth embrace,&lt;br /&gt;That blessed Angels, he sends to and fro,&lt;br /&gt;To serue to wicked man, to serue his wicked foe.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''How oft do they, their siluer bowers leaue,&lt;br /&gt;To come to succour vs, that succour want,&lt;br /&gt;How oft do they with golden pineons, cleaue&lt;br /&gt;The flitting skyes, like flying Pursuiuant,&lt;br /&gt;Against fowle feendes to ayd vs militant:&lt;br /&gt;They for vs fight, they watch and dewly ward,&lt;br /&gt;And their bright Squadrons round about vs plant,&lt;br /&gt;And all for loue, and nothing for reward:&lt;br /&gt;O why should heuenly God to men haue such regard.''&lt;/p&gt;
** &lt;p&gt;And is there [[Providence|care in heaven]]? and is there love&lt;br /&gt;In heavenly spirits to these creatures base&lt;br /&gt;That may compassion of their evils move?&lt;br /&gt;There is; else much more wretched were the case&lt;br /&gt;Of men than beasts. But O the exceeding grace&lt;br /&gt;Of highest God! that loves His creatures so,&lt;br /&gt;And all His works with mercy doth embrace,&lt;br /&gt;That blessed angels He sends to and fro&lt;br /&gt;To serve to wicked man, to serve His wicked foe!&lt;/p&gt; How oft do they their silver bowers leave&lt;br /&gt;To come to succour us that succour want?&lt;br /&gt;How oft do they with golden pinions cleave&lt;br /&gt;The flitting skies, like flying pursuivant,&lt;br /&gt;Against foul fiends to aid us militant?&lt;br /&gt;They for us fight, they watch and duly ward,&lt;br /&gt;And their bright squadrons round about us plant,&lt;br /&gt;'''And all for love and nothing for reward''':&lt;br /&gt;O why should heavenly God to men have such regard?
*** Bk. II, Canto VIII, stanzas 1–2


[[File:Pictures from English Literature-038.jpg|thumb|Gold all is not that doth golden seem.]]
* ''Gold al is not, that doth golden seeme''.
** Gold all is not that doth golden seem.
*** Bk. II, Canto VIII, stanza 14


[[File:W. Otway Cannell 1.jpg|thumb|Of all God's works, which do this world adorn,&lt;br /&gt;There is no one more fair and excellent&lt;br /&gt;Than is man's body, both for power and form,&lt;br /&gt;Whiles it is kept in sober government.]]
* ''Of all Gods workes, which doe this world adorne,&lt;br /&gt;There is no one more faire and excellent,&lt;br /&gt;Then is mans body both for powre and forme,&lt;br /&gt;Whiles it is kept in sober gouernment''.
** Of all God's works, which do this world adorn,&lt;br /&gt;There is no one more fair and excellent&lt;br /&gt;Than is man's body, both for power and form,&lt;br /&gt;Whiles it is kept in sober government.
*** Bk. II, Canto IX, stanza 1


* ''And through the Hall there walked to and fro&lt;br /&gt;A iolly yeoman, Marshall of the same,&lt;br /&gt;Whose name was ''Appetite''; he did bestow&lt;br /&gt;Both guestes and meate, when euer in they came,&lt;br /&gt;And knew them how to order without blame.''
** And through the hall there walked to and fro&lt;br /&gt;A jolly yeoman, marshal of the same,&lt;br /&gt;Whose name was [[Appetite]]; he did bestow&lt;br /&gt;Both guests and meat, whenever in they came,&lt;br /&gt;And knew them how to order without blame.
*** Bk. II, Canto IX, stanza 28


[[File:Three daughters of King Lear by Gustav Pope.JPG|thumb|Love is not where most it is professed.]]
* ''The wretched man gan then auise to late,&lt;br /&gt;That loue is not, where most it is profest.''
** The wretched man 'gan then advise too late&lt;br /&gt;That love is not where most it is professed.
*** Bk. II, Canto X, stanza 31
*** Note: ''advise''=consider, reflect


[[File:Fernand Khnopff Acrasia Fairy Queen 1897.jpg|thumb|What war so cruel, or what siege so sore,&lt;br /&gt;As that which strong affections do apply&lt;br /&gt;Against the fort of reason evermore,&lt;br /&gt;To bring the soul into captivity!]]
* ''What warre so cruel, or what siege so sore,&lt;br /&gt;As that, which strong affections doe apply&lt;br /&gt;Against the forte of reason euermore,&lt;br /&gt;To bring the sowle into captiuity.''
** What war so cruel, or what siege so sore,&lt;br /&gt;As that which strong [[affections]] do apply&lt;br /&gt;Against the fort of reason, evermore&lt;br /&gt;To bring the soul into captivity!
*** Bk. II, Canto XI, stanza 1


* ''Slaunderous reproches, and fowle infamies,&lt;br /&gt;Leasinges, backbytinges, and vaineglorious crakes,&lt;br /&gt;Bad counsels, prayses, and false flatteries,&lt;br /&gt;All those against that fort did bend their batteries.''
** [[Slanderous]] reproaches and foul infamies,&lt;br /&gt;Leasings, backbitings, and vain-glorious crakes,&lt;br /&gt;Bad counsels, praises, and false flatteries;&lt;br /&gt;All those against that fort did bend their batteries.
*** Bk. II, Canto XI, stanza 10


* ''As pale and wan as ashes was his looke,&lt;br /&gt;His body leane and meagre as a rake,&lt;br /&gt;And skin all withered like a dryed rooke,&lt;br /&gt;Thereto as cold and drery as a Snake,&lt;br /&gt;That seemd to tremble euermore, and quake.''
** As pale and wan as ashes was his look:&lt;br /&gt;His body lean and meager as a rake,&lt;br /&gt;And skin all withered like a dried rook;&lt;br /&gt;Thereto as cold and dreary as a snake,&lt;br /&gt;That seemed to tremble evermore and quake.
*** Bk. II, Canto XI, stanza 22


[[File:Aivazovsky, Ivan - The Ninth Wave.jpg|thumb|Sudden they see, from midst of all the main,&lt;br /&gt;The surging waters like a mountain rise,&lt;br /&gt;And the great sea puffed up with proud disdain,&lt;br /&gt;To swell above the measure of his guise,&lt;br /&gt;As threatening to devour all that his power despise.]]
* ''Suddeine they see from midst of all the Maine,&lt;br /&gt;The surging waters like a mountaine rise,&lt;br /&gt;And the great sea puft vp with proud disdaine,&lt;br /&gt;To swell aboue the measure of his guise,&lt;br /&gt;As threatning to deuoure all, that his powre despise.''
** Sudden they see, from midst of all the main,&lt;br /&gt;The surging waters like a mountain rise,&lt;br /&gt;And the great sea puffed up with proud disdain,&lt;br /&gt;To swell above the measure of his guise,&lt;br /&gt;As threatening to devour all that his power despise.
*** Bk. II, Canto XII, stanza 21


[[File:&quot;This is the Port of Rest from Troublous Toyle&quot; - Walter Jenks Morgan.png|thumb|Here may thy stormbeat vessel safely ride;&lt;br /&gt;This is the port of rest from troublous toil,&lt;br /&gt;The world's sweet inn from pain and wearisome turmoil.]]
* ''O turne thy rudder hetherward a while:&lt;br /&gt;Here may thy storme-bett vessell safely ryde;&lt;br /&gt;This is the Port of rest from troublous toyle,&lt;br /&gt;The worldes sweet In, frō paine &amp; wearisome turmoyle.''
** O turn thy rudder hitherward awhile:&lt;br /&gt;Here may thy stormbeat vessel safely ride;&lt;br /&gt;This is the port of rest from troublous toil,&lt;br /&gt;The world's sweet inn from pain and wearisome turmoil.
*** Bk. II, Canto XII, stanza 32


[[File:Thomas Uwins (1782-1857) - Sir Guyon Arriving at the Bower of Bliss - 612-1875 - Victoria and Albert Museum.jpg|thumb|Eftsoons they heard a most melodious sound.]]
* &lt;p&gt;''Eftsoones they heard a most melodious sound,&lt;br /&gt;Of all that mote delight a daintie eare,&lt;br /&gt;Such as attonce might not on liuing ground,&lt;br /&gt;Saue in this Paradise, be heard elswhere:&lt;br /&gt;Right hard it was, for wight, which did it heare,&lt;br /&gt;To read, what manner musicke that mote bee:&lt;br /&gt;For all that pleasing is to liuing eare,&lt;br /&gt;Was there consorted in one harmonee,&lt;br /&gt;Birdes, voices, instruments, windes, waters, all agree.''&lt;/p&gt;''The ioyous birdes shrouded in chearefull shade,&lt;br /&gt;Their notes vnto the voice attempred sweet;&lt;br /&gt;Th'Angelicall soft trembling voyces made&lt;br /&gt;To th'instruments diuine respondence meet:&lt;br /&gt;The siluer sounding instruments did meet&lt;br /&gt;With the base murmure of the waters fall:&lt;br /&gt;The waters fall with difference discreet,&lt;br /&gt;Now soft, now loud, vnto the wind did call:&lt;br /&gt;The gentle warbling wind low answered to all.''
** &lt;p&gt;Eftsoons they heard a most melodious sound,&lt;br /&gt;Of all that might delight a dainty ear,&lt;br /&gt;Such as at once might not on living ground,&lt;br /&gt;Save in this paradise, be heard elsewhere:&lt;br /&gt;Right hard it was for wight which did it hear,&lt;br /&gt;To read what manner music that might be;&lt;br /&gt;For all that pleasing is to living ear&lt;br /&gt;Was there consorted in one harmony—&lt;br /&gt;Birds, voices, instruments, winds, waters, all agree.&lt;/p&gt;The joyous birds, shrouded in cheerful shade,&lt;br /&gt;Their notes unto the voice attempered sweet;&lt;br /&gt;The angelical soft trembling voices made&lt;br /&gt;To the instruments divine respondence meet;&lt;br /&gt;The silver-sounding instruments did meet&lt;br /&gt;With the base murmur of the water's fall;&lt;br /&gt;The water's fall with difference discreet,&lt;br /&gt;Now soft, now loud, unto the wind did call;&lt;br /&gt;The gentle warbling wind low answered to all.
*** Bk. II, Canto XII, stanzas 70–71; the Bower of Bliss


[[File:John Melhuish Strudwick, Acrasia (c 1888).jpg|thumb|Gather therefore the rose whilst yet is prime,&lt;br /&gt;For soon comes age that will her pride deflower;&lt;br /&gt;Gather the rose of love whilst yet is time,&lt;br /&gt;Whilst loving thou mayst loved be with equal crime.]]
* ''So passeth, in the passing of a day,&lt;br /&gt;Of mortall life the leafe, the bud, the flowre,&lt;br /&gt;Ne more doth florish after first decay,&lt;br /&gt;That earst was sought to deck both bed and bowre,&lt;br /&gt;Of many a Lady, and many a Paramowre:&lt;br /&gt;Gather therefore the Rose, whilest yet is prime,&lt;br /&gt;For soone comes age, that will her pride deflowre:&lt;br /&gt;Gather the Rose of loue, whilest yet is time,&lt;br /&gt;Whilest louing thou mayst loued be with equall crime.''
** '''So passeth, in the passing of a day,&lt;br /&gt;Of mortal life the leaf, the bud, the flower,&lt;br /&gt;Nor more doth flourish after first decay,&lt;br /&gt;That erst was sought to deck both bed and bower&lt;br /&gt;Of many a lady, and many a paramour.&lt;br /&gt;Gather therefore the rose whilst yet is prime,&lt;br /&gt;For soon comes age that will her pride deflower;&lt;br /&gt;Gather the rose of love whilst yet is time,&lt;br /&gt;Whilst loving thou mayst loved be with equal crime.'''
*** Bk. II, Canto XII, stanza 75
*** Compare:
**** ''Cogliam la rosa in sul mattino adorno&lt;br /&gt;Di questo dì, chè tosto il seren perde:&lt;br /&gt;Cogliam d'Amor la rosa: amiamo or quando&lt;br /&gt;Esser si puote riamato amando.''
***** O gather, then, the rose, while time thou has!&lt;br /&gt;Short is the day—done when it scant began;&lt;br /&gt;Gather the rose of love, while yet thou mayst,&lt;br /&gt;Loving, be loved; embracing, be embraced.
****** [[Torquato Tasso]], ''[[Jerusalem Delivered]]'' (1581), Canto XVI, stanza 15 ([[Edward Fairfax|Fairfax]]'s translation of 1600)
***** Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.
****** [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Robert Herrick]], &quot;[[w:To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time|To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time]]&quot; (1648)


* ''But all those pleasaunt bowres and Pallace braue,&lt;br /&gt;''Guyon'' broke downe, with rigour pittilesse;&lt;br /&gt;Ne ought their goodly workmanship might saue&lt;br /&gt;Them from the tempest of his wrathfulnesse,&lt;br /&gt;But that their blisse he turn'd to balefulnesse:&lt;br /&gt;Their groues he feld, their gardins did deface,&lt;br /&gt;Their arbers spoyle, their Cabinets suppresse,&lt;br /&gt;Their banket houses burne, their buildings race,&lt;br /&gt;And of the fayrest late, now made the fowlest place.''
** But all those pleasant bowers and palace brave&lt;br /&gt;Guyon broke down, with rigour pitiless;&lt;br /&gt;Nor aught their goodly workmanship might save&lt;br /&gt;Them from the tempest of his wrathfulness,&lt;br /&gt;But that their bliss he turned to balefulness:&lt;br /&gt;Their groves he felled, their gardens did deface,&lt;br /&gt;Their arbors spoiled, their cabinets suppress,&lt;br /&gt;Their banquet-houses burn, their buildings raze,&lt;br /&gt;And of the fairest late now made the foulest place.
*** Bk. II, Canto XII, stanza 83


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14596797430).jpg|thumb|The dunghill kind&lt;br /&gt;Delights in filth and foul incontinence;&lt;br /&gt;Let Grill be Grill and have his hoggish mind.]]
* ''The donghill kinde&lt;br /&gt;Delightes in filth and fowle incontinence:&lt;br /&gt;Let ''Gryll'' be ''Gryll'', and haue his hoggish minde.''
** The dunghill kind&lt;br /&gt;Delights in filth and foul incontinence;&lt;br /&gt;Let Grill be Grill and have his hoggish mind.
*** Bk. II, Canto XII, stanza 87
&lt;br /&gt;
==== Book III ====

* ''For who can shun the chance, that dest'ny doth ordaine?''
** For who can shun the chance that destiny doth ordain?
*** Bk. III, Canto I, stanza 37


* ''Through thicke and thin, both ouer banck and bush&lt;br /&gt;In hope her to attaine by hooke or crooke.''
** Through thick and thin, both over bank and bush,&lt;br /&gt;In hope her to attain '''by hook or crook.'''
*** Bk. III, Canto I, stanza 17
*** Compare:
**** Through thick and through thin.
***** [[Geoffrey Chaucer]], ''[[The Reeve's Tale]]'' (c. 1390), line 146


* ''Like dastard Curres, that hauing at a bay&lt;br /&gt;The saluage beast embost in wearie chace,&lt;br /&gt;Dare not aduenture on the stubborne pray,&lt;br /&gt;Ne byte before, but rome from place to place,&lt;br /&gt;To get a snatch, when turned is his face.''
** Like dastard curs that having at a bay&lt;br /&gt;The salvage beast, embossed in weary chase,&lt;br /&gt;Dare not adventure on the stubborn prey,&lt;br /&gt;Nor bite before, but roam from place to place&lt;br /&gt;To get a snatch when turned is his face.
*** Bk. III, Canto I, stanza 22
*** Note: ''embossed''=exhausted, hunted down


[[File:Walter Crane - Britomart (1900).jpg|thumb|For she was full of amiable grace,&lt;br /&gt;And manly terror mixed therewithal,&lt;br /&gt;That as the one stirred up affections base,&lt;br /&gt;So the other did men's rash desires appal,&lt;br /&gt;And hold them back that would in error fall&lt;!--:&lt;br /&gt;As he that hath espied a vermeil rose,&lt;br /&gt;To which sharp thorns and briars the way forestall,&lt;br /&gt;Dare not for dread his hardy hand expose,&lt;br /&gt;But, wishing it far off, his idle wish doth lose--&gt;.]]
* ''For shee was full of amiable grace,&lt;br /&gt;And manly terror mixed therewithall,&lt;br /&gt;That as the one stird vp affections bace,&lt;br /&gt;So th'other did mens rash desires apall,&lt;br /&gt;And hold them backe, that would in error fall;&lt;br /&gt;As hee, that hath espide a vermeill Rose,&lt;br /&gt;To which sharpe thornes and breres the way forstall,&lt;br /&gt;Dare not for dread his hardy hand expose,&lt;br /&gt;But wishing it far off, his ydle wish doth lose.''
** For she was full of amiable grace,&lt;br /&gt;And manly terror mixed therewithal,&lt;br /&gt;That as the one stirred up affections base,&lt;br /&gt;So the other did men's rash desires appal,&lt;br /&gt;And hold them back that would in error fall:&lt;br /&gt;As he that hath espied a vermeil rose,&lt;br /&gt;To which sharp thorns and briars the way forestall,&lt;br /&gt;Dare not for dread his hardy hand expose,&lt;br /&gt;But, wishing it far off, his idle wish doth lose.
*** Bk. III, Canto I, stanza 46; of [[w:Britomartis|Britomart]] (a lady knight representing Chastity)


* ''Shee greatly gan enamoured to wex,&lt;br /&gt;And with vaine thoughts her falsed fancy vex:&lt;br /&gt;Her fickle hart conceiued hasty fyre,&lt;br /&gt;Like sparkes of fire, that fall in sclender flex,&lt;br /&gt;That shortly brent into extreme desyre,&lt;br /&gt;And ransackt all her veines with passion entyre.''
** She greatly 'gan enamoured to wax,&lt;br /&gt;And with vain thoughts her falsed fancy vex:&lt;br /&gt;Her fickle heart conceived hasty fire,&lt;br /&gt;Like sparks of fire which fall in slender flex,&lt;br /&gt;That shortly burnt into extreme desire,&lt;br /&gt;And ransacked all her veins with passion entire.
*** Bk. III, Canto I, stanza 47


* ''Nought so of loue this looser Dame did skill,&lt;br /&gt;But as a cole to kindle fleshly flame,&lt;br /&gt;Giuing the bridle to her wanton will,&lt;br /&gt;And treading vnder foote her honest name.''
** Nought so of love this looser dame did skill,&lt;br /&gt;But as a coal to kindle fleshly flame,&lt;br /&gt;Giving the bridle to her wanton will,&lt;br /&gt;And treading under foot her honest name.
*** Bk. III, Canto I, stanza 50


[[File:Britomart and Amoret.jpg|thumb|Heart that is inly hurt is greatly eased&lt;br /&gt;With hope of thing that may allay his smart.]]
* ''His feeling wordes her feeble sence much pleased,&lt;br /&gt;And softly sunck into her molten hart;&lt;br /&gt;Hart that is inly hurt, is greatly eased&lt;br /&gt;With hope of thing, that may allegge his smart,&lt;br /&gt;For pleasing wordes are like to Magick art,&lt;br /&gt;That doth the charmed Snake in slomber lay:''
** His feeling words her feeble sense much pleased,&lt;br /&gt;And softly sunk into her molten heart;&lt;br /&gt;Heart that is inly hurt is greatly eased&lt;br /&gt;With hope of thing that may allay his smart;&lt;br /&gt;For pleasing words are like to magic art&lt;br /&gt;That doth the charmed snake in slumber lay.
*** Bk. III, Canto II, stanza 15


[[File:Allegory of Music E-07-0034-001.jpg|thumb|Discord oft in music makes the sweeter lay.]]
* ''Dischord ofte in Musick makes the sweeter lay.''
** Discord oft in music makes the sweeter lay.
*** Bk. III, Canto II, stanza 15


* ''But as it falleth, in the gentlest harts&lt;br /&gt;Imperious Loue hath highest set his throne,&lt;br /&gt;And tyrannizeth in the bitter smarts&lt;br /&gt;Of them, that to him buxome are and prone:''
** But, as it falleth, in the gentlest hearts&lt;br /&gt;Imperious Love hath highest set his throne,&lt;br /&gt;And tyrannizeth in the bitter smarts&lt;br /&gt;Of them that to him buxom are and prone.
*** Bk. III, Canto II, stanza 23
*** Note: ''buxom''=obedient


[[File:Britomart viewing Artegal (Crane, 1895-1897).jpg|thumb|Sad, solemn, sour, and full of fancies frail&lt;br /&gt;She wox, yet wist she neither how nor why;&lt;br /&gt;She wist not, silly maid, what she did ail,&lt;br /&gt;Yet wist she was not well at ease, perdy,&lt;br /&gt;Yet thought it was not [[love]], but some melancholy.]]
* ''Sad, solemne, sowre, and full of fancies fraile&lt;br /&gt;She woxe; yet wist she nether how, nor why,&lt;br /&gt;She wist not, silly Mayd, what she did aile,&lt;br /&gt;Yet wist, she was not well at ease perdy,&lt;br /&gt;Yet thought it was not loue, but some melancholy.''
** Sad, solemn, sour, and full of fancies frail&lt;br /&gt;She wox, yet wist she neither how nor why;&lt;br /&gt;She wist not, silly maid, what she did ail,&lt;br /&gt;Yet wist she was not well at ease, perdy,&lt;br /&gt;Yet thought it was not love, but some melancholy.
*** Bk. III, Canto II, stanza 27; of Britomart's love-sick state
*** Note: ''wox''=grew, became; ''wist''=knew; ''silly''=innocent, helpless; ''perdy'': truly, assuredly


* ''Ne ought it mote the noble Mayd auayle,&lt;br /&gt;Ne slake the fury of her cruell flame,&lt;br /&gt;But that shee still did waste, and still did wayle,&lt;br /&gt;That through long languour, &amp; hart-burning brame&lt;br /&gt;She shortly like a pyned ghost became.''
** Nor aught it might the noble maid avail,&lt;br /&gt;Nor slake the fury of her cruel flame,&lt;br /&gt;But that she still did waste, and still did wail,&lt;br /&gt;That through long languor and heart-burning brame&lt;br /&gt;She shortly like a pined ghost became.
*** Bk. III, Canto II, stanza 52
*** Note: ''brame''=fierce passion, vexation


[[File:W5 cropped.jpg|thumb|O sacred fire that burnest mightily&lt;br /&gt;In living breasts, ykindled first above&lt;br /&gt;Amongst the eternal spheres and lamping sky,&lt;br /&gt;And thence poured into men, which men call love!]]
* ''Most sacred fyre, that burnest mightily&lt;br /&gt;In liuing brests, ykindled first aboue,&lt;br /&gt;Emongst th'eternall spheres and lamping sky,&lt;br /&gt;And thence pourd into men, which men call Loue''.
** Most sacred fire, that burnest mightily&lt;br /&gt;In living breasts, ykindled first above&lt;br /&gt;Amongst the eternal spheres and lamping sky,&lt;br /&gt;And thence poured into men, which men call love.
** Bk. III, Canto III, stanza 1
** Variant in the third edition (1609):
*** ''Oh sacred fire, that burnest mightily&lt;br /&gt;In liuing brests, ykindled first aboue,&lt;br /&gt;Emongst th'eternall spheres &amp; lamping sky,&lt;br /&gt;And thẽce pourd into men, which mẽ cal loue''.
**** O sacred fire that burnest mightily&lt;br /&gt;In living breasts, ykindled first above&lt;br /&gt;Amongst the eternal spheres and lamping sky,&lt;br /&gt;And thence poured into men, which men call love.


[[File:Arthur-Pyle The Enchanter Merlin.JPG|thumb|Merlin had in magic more insight&lt;br /&gt;Than ever him before or after living wight.]]
[[File:Britomart, Glauce, and Merlin.jpg|thumb|For he by words could call out of the sky&lt;br /&gt;Both sun and moon, and make them him obey.&lt;br /&gt;Huge hosts of men he could, alone, dismay.]]
* ''For ''Merlin'' had in Magick more insight,&lt;br /&gt;Then euer him before or after liuing wight.''{{pbr}}''For he by wordes could call out of the sky&lt;br /&gt;Both Sunne and Moone, and make them him obay:&lt;br /&gt;The Land to sea, and sea to maineland dry,&lt;br /&gt;And darksom night he eke could turne to day:&lt;br /&gt;Huge hostes of men he could alone dismay,&lt;br /&gt;And hostes of men of meanest thinges could frame,&lt;br /&gt;When so him list his enimies to fray:&lt;br /&gt;That to this day for terror of his fame,&lt;br /&gt;The feends do quake, whē any him to them does name.''
** For Merlin had in magic more insight&lt;br /&gt;Than ever him before or after living wight:{{pbr}}For he by words could call out of the sky&lt;br /&gt;Both sun and moon, and make them him obey;&lt;br /&gt;The land to sea, and sea to mainland dry,&lt;br /&gt;And darksome night he eke could turn to day—&lt;br /&gt;Huge hosts of men he could, alone, dismay,&lt;br /&gt;And hosts of men of meanest things could frame,&lt;br /&gt;When so him list his enemies to fray:&lt;br /&gt;That to this day, for terror of his fame,&lt;br /&gt;The fiends do quake when any him to them does name.
*** Bk. III, Canto III, stanzas 11–12


* ''Whereof she seemes ashamed inwardly.''
** Whereof she seems ashamed inwardly.
*** Bk. III, Canto III, stanza 20


[[File:Britomart Sample MVAS.jpeg|thumb|Where is the antique glory now become&lt;br /&gt;That whilom wont in women to appear?&lt;br /&gt;Where be the brave achievements done by some?&lt;br /&gt;Where be the battles, where the shield and spear,&lt;br /&gt;And all the conquests which them high did rear,&lt;br /&gt;That matter made for famous poets' verse,&lt;br /&gt;And boastful men so oft abashed to hear?&lt;br /&gt;Been they all dead and laid in doleful hearse?&lt;br /&gt;Or do they only sleep and shall again reverse?]]
* ''Where is the Antique glory now become,&lt;br /&gt;That whylome wont in wemen to appeare?&lt;br /&gt;Where be the braue atchieuements doen by some?&lt;br /&gt;Where be the batteilles, where the shield &amp; speare,&lt;br /&gt;And all the conquests, which them high did reare,&lt;br /&gt;That matter made for famous Poets verse,&lt;br /&gt;And boastfull men so oft abasht to heare?&lt;br /&gt;Beene they all dead, and laide in dolefull herse?&lt;br /&gt;Or doen they onely sleepe, and shall againe reuerse?''
** Where is the antique glory now become&lt;br /&gt;That whilom wont in women to appear?&lt;br /&gt;Where be the brave achievements done by some?&lt;br /&gt;Where be the battles, where the shield and spear,&lt;br /&gt;And all the conquests which them high did rear,&lt;br /&gt;That matter made for famous poets' verse,&lt;br /&gt;And boastful men so oft abashed to hear?&lt;br /&gt;Been they all dead and laid in doleful hearse?&lt;br /&gt;Or do they only sleep and shall again reverse?
*** Bk. III, Canto IV, stanza 1


[[File:Britomart and Marinell.png|thumb|Fly they that ''need'' to fly;&lt;br /&gt;Words fearen babes. I mean not thee entreat&lt;br /&gt;To pass, but maugre thee will pass or die.]]
* ''She shortly thus; Fly they, that need to fly;&lt;br /&gt;Wordes fearen babes. I meane not thee entreat&lt;br /&gt;To passe; but maugre thee will passe or dy.''
** She shortly thus: &quot;Fly they that need to fly;&lt;br /&gt;Words fearen babes; I mean not thee entreat&lt;br /&gt;To pass, but maugre thee will pass or die.&quot;
*** Bk. III, Canto IV, stanza 15; Britomart to Marinell
*** Note: ''fly''=flee; ''fearen''=frighten; ''maugre''=in spite of
*** Compare:
**** Through them I mean to pass,&lt;br /&gt;That be assured, without leave asked of thee.
***** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1674), Book II, lines 684–685


[[File:Cymoënt and Marinell - Walter Jenks Morgan.png|thumb|But ah, who can deceive his destiny?]]
* ''But ah, who can deceiue his destiny,&lt;br /&gt;Or weene by warning to auoyd his fate?''
** But ah, who can deceive his destiny,&lt;br /&gt;Or ween by warning to avoid his fate?
*** Bk. III, Canto IV, stanza 27
*** Note: ''ween''=think, imagine


[[File:Noche de luna llena - Full moon night.jpg|thumb|But well I wot that to a heavy heart&lt;br /&gt;Thou art the root and nurse of bitter cares,&lt;br /&gt;Breeder of new, renewer of old smarts:&lt;br /&gt;Instead of rest thou lendest railing tears;&lt;br /&gt;Instead of sleep thou sendest troublous fears&lt;br /&gt;And dreadful visions, in the which alive&lt;br /&gt;The dreary image of sad Death appears;&lt;br /&gt;So from the weary spirit thou dost drive&lt;br /&gt;Desired rest, and men of happiness deprive.]]
* ''But well I wote, that to an heauy hart&lt;br /&gt;Thou art the roote and nourse of bitter cares,&lt;br /&gt;Breeder of new, renewer of old smarts:&lt;br /&gt;In stead of rest thou lendest rayling teares,&lt;br /&gt;In stead of sleepe thou sendest troublous feares,&lt;br /&gt;And dreadfull visions, in the which aliue&lt;br /&gt;The dreary image of sad death appeares:&lt;br /&gt;So from the wearie spirit thou doest driue&lt;br /&gt;Desired rest, and men of happinesse depriue.''
** &quot;But well I wot that to a heavy heart&lt;br /&gt;Thou art the root and nurse of bitter cares,&lt;br /&gt;Breeder of new, renewer of old smarts:&lt;br /&gt;Instead of rest thou lendest railing tears,&lt;br /&gt;Instead of sleep thou sendest troublous fears&lt;br /&gt;And dreadful visions, in the which alive&lt;br /&gt;The dreary image of sad death appears;&lt;br /&gt;So from the weary spirit thou dost drive&lt;br /&gt;Desired rest, and men of happiness deprive.&quot;
*** Bk. III, Canto IV, stanza 57; Prince Arthur's soliloquy against Night
*** Note: ''wot''=know, ''smarts''=pain; ''railing''=flowing, trickling down


* ''Vnder thy mantle black there hidden lye,&lt;br /&gt;Light-shonning thefte, and traiterous intent,&lt;br /&gt;Abhorred bloodshed, and vile felony,&lt;br /&gt;Shamefull deceipt, and daunger imminent;&lt;br /&gt;Fowle horror, and eke hellish dreriment.''
** Under thy mantle black there hidden lie&lt;br /&gt;Light-shunning theft and traitorous intent,&lt;br /&gt;Abhorred bloodshed and vile felony,&lt;br /&gt;Shameful deceit and danger imminent,&lt;br /&gt;Foul horror and eke hellish dreariment.
*** Bk. III, Canto IV, stanza 58
*** Note: ''dreariment''=sorrow


[[File:Belphoebe helps Timias.jpg|thumb|Whether it '''divine tobacco''' were,&lt;br /&gt;Or panachaea, or polygony,&lt;br /&gt;She found and brought it to her patient dear.]]
* ''Whether yt diuine ''Tobacco'' were,&lt;br /&gt;Or ''Panachæa'', or ''Polygony'',&lt;br /&gt;Shee fownd, and brought it to her patient deare.''
** Whether it divine tobacco were,&lt;br /&gt;Or panachaea, or polygony,&lt;br /&gt;She found and brought it to her patient dear.
*** Bk. III, Canto V, stanza 32
*** Note: [[John Aubrey]], in his ''[[w:Brief Lives|Brief Lives]]'', says that [[Walter Raleigh]] (Spenser's friend) &quot;was the first that brought tobacco into England and into fashion&quot;; ''panachaea''=[[w:Panacea (medicine)|panacea]] (a herb supposed to cure all diseases—cf. [[Virgil]], ''Aeneid'' [19 BCE] 12.419: ''panaceam'', &quot;all-heal&quot;; [[Lucan]], ''Pharsalia'' [c. 60 CE] 9.918: ''panacea''; [[Ariosto]], ''Orlando Furioso'' [1532], 19.22.3: ''panacea''); ''polygony''=''[[w:Polygonatum|polygonatum]]'' (a herb commonly known as Solomon's seal)


* ''O foolish physick, and vnfruitfull paine,&lt;br /&gt;That heales vp one and makes another wound:&lt;br /&gt;She his hurt thigh to him recurd againe,&lt;br /&gt;But hurt his hart, the which before was sound.''
** O foolish physic, and unfruitful pain,&lt;br /&gt;That heals up one, and makes another wound!&lt;br /&gt;She his hurt thigh to him recured again,&lt;br /&gt;But hurt his heart, the which before was sound.
*** Bk. III, Canto V, stanza 42
*** Note: ''pain''=pains, labour


* ''Thus warreid he long time against his will,&lt;br /&gt;Till that through weaknesse he was forst at last,&lt;br /&gt;To yield himselfe vnto the mightie ill:&lt;br /&gt;Which as a victour proud, gan ransack fast&lt;br /&gt;His inward partes, and all his entrayles wast,&lt;br /&gt;That neither blood in face, nor life in hart&lt;br /&gt;It left, but both did quite drye vp, and blast;&lt;br /&gt;As percing leuin, which the inner part&lt;br /&gt;Of euery thing consumes, and calcineth by art.''
** Thus warred he long time against his will,&lt;br /&gt;Till that through weakness he was forced at last&lt;br /&gt;To yield himself unto the mighty ill,&lt;br /&gt;Which, as a victor proud, 'gan ransack fast&lt;br /&gt;His inward parts and all his entrails waste,&lt;br /&gt;That neither blood in face nor life in heart&lt;br /&gt;It left, but both did quite dry up and blast:&lt;br /&gt;As piercing levin, which the inner part&lt;br /&gt;Of everything consumes and calcineth by art.
*** Bk. III, Canto V, stanza 48; of Timias (Arthur's squire)
*** Note: ''levin''=lightning; ''calcineth''=reduces to powder


* ''Litle shee weend, that loue he close conceald;&lt;br /&gt;Yet still he wasted, as the snow congeald,&lt;br /&gt;When the bright sunne his beams theron doth beat.''
** Little she weened that love he close concealed;&lt;br /&gt;Yet still he wasted as the snow congealed,&lt;br /&gt;When the bright sun his beams thereon doth beat.
*** Bk. III, Canto V, stanza 49; of Belphoebe and Timias
*** Note: ''weened''=thought
*** Compare:
**** ''La misera si strugge, come falda&lt;br /&gt;strugger di nieve intempestiva suole,&lt;br /&gt;ch’in loco aprico abbia scoperta il sole.''
***** The poor damsel wasted away, as a patch of snow out of season will waste when exposed on open ground to the sun.
****** [[Ariosto]], ''[[Orlando Furioso]]'' (1532), 19.29.6–8 (Guido Waldman's 1983 World's Classics translation)


* So all did make in her a perfect complement.
** Bk. III, Canto V, stanza 55


[[File:The Birth of Belphoebe and Amoret.jpg|thumb|Her birth was of the womb of morning dew,&lt;br /&gt;And her conception of the joyous prime.]]
* ''Her berth was of the wombe of Morning dew,&lt;br /&gt;And her conception of the ioyous Prime.''
** '''Her birth was of the womb of morning dew''',&lt;br /&gt;And her conception of the joyous prime.
*** Bk. III, Canto VI, stanza 3; of Belphoebe
*** Note: ''prime''=spring (the prime of the year)
*** Compare:
**** The dew of thy birth is of the womb of the morning.
***** [[Psalm]] 110:3 ([[Myles Coverdale|Coverdale]]'s translation of 1535)


* ''Roses red, and violets blew,&lt;br /&gt;And all the sweetest flowres, that in the forrest grew.''
** Roses red and violets blue&lt;br /&gt;And all the sweetest flowers that in the forest grew.
*** Bk. III, Canto VI, stanza 6


* ''All that in this delightfull Gardin growes,&lt;br /&gt;Should happy bee, and haue immortall blis.''
** All that in this delightful garden grows&lt;br /&gt;Should happy be and have immortal bliss.
*** Bk. III, Canto VI, stanza 41; the Garden of [[w:Adonis|Adonis]]


* ''There is continuall Spring, and haruest there&lt;br /&gt;Continuall, both meeting at one tyme:&lt;br /&gt;For both the boughes doe laughing blossoms beare,&lt;br /&gt;And with fresh colours decke the wanton Pryme,&lt;br /&gt;And eke attonce the heauenly trees they clyme,&lt;br /&gt;Which seeme to labour vnder their fruites lode:&lt;br /&gt;The whiles the ioyous birdes make their pastyme&lt;br /&gt;Emongst the shady leaues, their sweet abode,&lt;br /&gt;And their trew loues without suspition tell abrode.''
** There is continual spring, and harvest there&lt;br /&gt;Continual, both meeting at one time:&lt;br /&gt;For both the boughs do laughing blossoms bear&lt;br /&gt;And with fresh colours deck the wanton prime,&lt;br /&gt;And eke at once the heavy trees they climb,&lt;br /&gt;Which seem to labour under their fruits' load;&lt;br /&gt;The whiles the joyous birds make their pastime&lt;br /&gt;Amongst the shady leaves, their sweet abode,&lt;br /&gt;And their true loves without suspicion tell abroad.
*** Bk. III, Canto VI, stanza 42; the Garden of Adonis
*** Note: ''prime''=spring


* ''And in the thickest couert of that shade,&lt;br /&gt;There was a pleasaunt Arber, not by art,&lt;br /&gt;But of the trees owne inclination made,&lt;br /&gt;Which knitting their rancke braunches part to part,&lt;br /&gt;With wanton yuie twyne entrayld athwart,&lt;br /&gt;And Eglantine, and Caprifole emong,&lt;br /&gt;Fashiond aboue within their inmost part,&lt;br /&gt;That nether Phoebus beams could through thẽ thrõg,&lt;br /&gt;Nor Aeolus sharp blast could worke them any wrong.''
** And in the thickest covert of that shade&lt;br /&gt;There was a pleasant arbour, not by art&lt;br /&gt;But of the trees' own inclination made,&lt;br /&gt;Which, knitting their rank branches part to part,&lt;br /&gt;With wanton ivy twine entrailed athwart,&lt;br /&gt;And eglantine and caprifole among,&lt;br /&gt;Fashioned above within their inmost part,&lt;br /&gt;That neither [[Apollo|Phoebus]]' beams could through them throng,&lt;br /&gt;Nor [[w:Aeolus (son of Hippotes)|Aeolus]]' sharp blast could work them any wrong.
*** Bk. III, Canto VI, stanza 44; the Garden of Adonis
*** Note: ''rank''=dense, luxuriant; ''entrailed athwart''=twisted across; ''eglantine''=[[w:Rosa rubiginosa|sweet-briar]]; ''caprifole''=[[w:Lonicera caprifolium|honeysuckle]], woodbine


* ''With that adowne out of her christall eyne&lt;br /&gt;Few trickling teares she softly forth let fall,&lt;br /&gt;That like two orient perles, did purely shyne&lt;br /&gt;Vpon her snowy cheeke.''
** With that, adown out of her crystal eyne&lt;br /&gt;Few trickling [[tears]] she softly forth let fall,&lt;br /&gt;That like to orient pearls did purely shine&lt;br /&gt;Upon her snowy cheek.
*** Bk. III, Canto VII, stanza 9


[[File:Florimell saved by Proteus (Crane, 1895-1897).jpg|thumb|Hard is to teach an old horse amble true.]]
* ''Hard is to teach an old horse amble trew.''
** Hard is to teach an old horse amble true.
*** Bk. III, Canto VIII, stanza 26


[[File:Gilded Cage-George Hare.jpg|thumb|A fool I do him firmly hold&lt;br /&gt;That loves his fetters, though they were of gold.]]
* ''A foole I doe him firmely hold,&lt;br /&gt;That loues his fetters, though they were of gold.''
** A fool I do him firmly hold&lt;br /&gt;That loves his fetters, though they were of gold.
*** Bk. III, Canto IX, stanza 8


[[File:Lefebvre_La_mort_de_Priam.JPG|thumb|[Man] that flowers so fresh at morn, and fades at evening late.]]
* ''Mans wretched state,&lt;br /&gt;That floures so fresh at morne, &amp; fades at euening late.''
** Man's wretched state,&lt;br&gt;That flowers so fresh at morn, and fades at evening late.
*** Bk. III, Canto IX, stanza 39


* ''A famous history to bee enrold&lt;br /&gt;In euerlasting moniments of brasse.''
** A famous history to be enrolled&lt;br /&gt;In everlasting monuments of brass.
*** Bk. III, Canto IX, stanza 50


* ''And otherwhyles with amorous delights,&lt;br /&gt;And pleasing toyes he would her entertaine,&lt;br /&gt;Now singing sweetly, to surprize her sprights,&lt;br /&gt;Now making layes of loue and louers paine,&lt;br /&gt;Bransles, Ballads, virelayes, and verses vaine;&lt;br /&gt;Oft purposes, oft riddles he deuysd,&lt;br /&gt;And thousands like, which flowed in his braine,&lt;br /&gt;With which he sed her fancy, and entysd&lt;br /&gt;To take with his new loue, and leaue her old despysd.''
** And otherwhiles with amorous delights&lt;br /&gt;And pleasing toys he would her entertain,&lt;br /&gt;Now singing sweetly to surprise her sprites,&lt;br /&gt;Now making lays of love and lovers' pain,&lt;br /&gt;Bransles, ballads, virelays and verses vain;&lt;br /&gt;Oft purposes, oft riddles he devised,&lt;br /&gt;And thousands like which flowed in his brain,&lt;br /&gt;With which he fed her fancy and enticed&lt;br /&gt;To take to his new love and leave her old despised.
*** Bk. III, Canto X, stanza 8


[[File:The Faerie queene- (1859) (14768353991).jpg|thumb|And painful pleasure turns to '''pleasing pain'''.]]
* ''Yet can he neuer dye, but dying liues,&lt;br /&gt;And doth himselfe with sorrow new sustaine,&lt;br /&gt;That death and life attonce vnto him giues.&lt;br /&gt;And painefull pleasure turnes to pleasing paine.''
** Yet can he never die, but dying lives,&lt;br /&gt;And doth himself with sorrow new sustain,&lt;br /&gt;That death and life at once unto him gives,&lt;br /&gt;'''And painful pleasure turns to pleasing pain.'''
*** Bk. III, Canto X, stanza 60


[[File:Jealousy_and_Flirtation.jpg|thumb|Foul Jealousy, that turnest love divine&lt;br /&gt;To joyless dread, and makest the loving heart&lt;br /&gt;With hateful thoughts to languish and to pine&lt;br /&gt;And feed itself with self-consuming smart:&lt;br /&gt;Of all the passions in the mind thou vilest art.]]
* ''Fowle Gealosy, that turnest loue diuine&lt;br /&gt;To ioylesse dread, and mak'st the louing hart&lt;br /&gt;With hatefull thoughts to languish and to pine,&lt;br /&gt;And feed it selfe with selfe-consuming smart?&lt;br /&gt;Of all the passions in the mind thou vilest art.''
** Foul [[Jealousy]], that turnest love divine&lt;br /&gt;To joyless dread, and makest the loving heart&lt;br /&gt;With hateful thoughts to languish and to pine&lt;br /&gt;And feed itself with self-consuming smart:&lt;br /&gt;Of all the passions in the mind thou vilest art.
*** Bk. III, Canto XI, stanza 1


* ''Life is not lost, (said she) for which is bought&lt;br&gt;Endlesse renowm.''
** &quot;Life is not lost,&quot; said she, &quot;for which is bought&lt;br&gt;Endless renown.&quot;
*** Bk. III, Canto XI, stanza 19; spoken by Britomart


[[File:Fuseli – Britomart.jpg|thumb|''Be bold, be bold'', and everywhere ''Be bold.'']]
[[File:George Frederic Watts (1817-1904) - Britomart - 1929P527 - Birmingham Museums Trust.jpg|thumb|''Be not too bold.'']]
* ''And as she lookt about, she did behold,&lt;br /&gt;How ouer that same dore was likewise writ,&lt;br /&gt;''Be bolde, be bolde'', and euery where ''Be bold'',&lt;br /&gt;That much she muz'd, yet could not construe it&lt;br /&gt;By any ridling skill, or commune wit.&lt;br /&gt;At last she spyde at that rowmes vpper end,&lt;br /&gt;Another yron dore, on which was writ,&lt;br /&gt;''Be not too bold''.''
** '''And as she looked about, she did behold&lt;br /&gt;How over that same door was likewise writ,&lt;br /&gt;''Be bold, be bold'', and everywhere ''Be bold''''',&lt;br /&gt;That much she mused, yet could not construe it&lt;br /&gt;By any riddling skill or common wit.&lt;br /&gt;'''At last she spied at that room's upper end&lt;br /&gt;Another iron door, on which was writ,&lt;br /&gt;''Be not too bold.'''''
*** Bk. III, Canto XI, stanza 54
*** Compare:
**** ''De l'audace, encore de l'audace, et toujours de l'audace.''
***** Boldness, again boldness, and ever boldness.
****** [[Georges-Jacques Danton]], speech in the National Assembly at Paris (2 September 1792)


* ''Next him was ''Feare'', all arm'd from top to toe,&lt;br /&gt;Yet thought himselfe not safe enough thereby,&lt;br /&gt;But feard each shadow mouing too or froe,&lt;br /&gt;And his owne armes when glittering he did spy,&lt;br /&gt;Or clashing heard, he fast away did fly,&lt;br /&gt;As ashes pale of hew, and winged heeld;&lt;br /&gt;And euermore on daunger fixt his eye,&lt;br /&gt;Gainst whom he alwayes bent a brasen shield,&lt;br /&gt;Which his right hand vnarmed fearefully did wield.''
** Next him was [[Fear]], all armed from top to toe,&lt;br /&gt;Yet thought himself not safe enough thereby,&lt;br /&gt;But feared each shadow moving to and fro;&lt;br /&gt;And his own arms when glittering he did spy&lt;br /&gt;Or clashing heard, he fast away did fly,&lt;br /&gt;As ashes pale of hue and wingy-heeled;&lt;br /&gt;And evermore on danger fixed his eye,&lt;br /&gt;'Gainst whom he always bent a brazen shield,&lt;br /&gt;Which his right hand unarmed fearfully did wield.
*** Bk. III, Canto XII, stanza 12


* ''With him went ''Hope'' in rancke, a handsome Mayd,&lt;br /&gt;Of chearefull looke and louely to behold;&lt;br /&gt;In silken samite she was light arayd,&lt;br /&gt;And her fayre lockes were wouen vp in gold;&lt;br /&gt;She alway smyld, and in her hand did hold&lt;br /&gt;An holy water Sprinckle, dipt in deowe,&lt;br /&gt;With which slie sprinckled fauours manifold,&lt;br /&gt;On whom she list, and did great liking sheowe,&lt;br /&gt;Great liking vnto many, but true loue to feowe.''
** With him went [[Hope]] in rank, a handsome maid,&lt;br /&gt;Of cheerful look and lovely to behold;&lt;br /&gt;In silken samite she was light arrayed,&lt;br /&gt;And her fair locks were woven up in gold;&lt;br /&gt;She always smiled, and in her hand did hold&lt;br /&gt;A holy-water sprinkle dipped in dew,&lt;br /&gt;With which she sprinkled favours manifold&lt;br /&gt;On whom she list, and did great liking show;&lt;br /&gt;Great liking unto many, but true love to few.
*** Bk. III, Canto XII, stanza 13


* ''He lowrd on her with daungerous eyeglaunce;&lt;br /&gt;Shewing his nature in his countenaunce;&lt;br /&gt;His rolling eies did neuer rest in place,&lt;br /&gt;But walkte each where, for feare of hid mischaunce,&lt;br /&gt;Holding a lattis still before his face,&lt;br /&gt;Through which he stil did peep, as forward he did pace.''
** He lowered on her with dangerous eye-glance,&lt;br /&gt;Showing his nature in his countenance;&lt;br /&gt;His rolling eyes did never rest in place,&lt;br /&gt;But walked each where for fear of hid mischance,&lt;br /&gt;Holding a lattice still before his face,&lt;br /&gt;Through which he still did peep as forward he did pace.
*** Bk. III, Canto XII, stanza 15; description of Suspect (a personification of [[Suspicion]]) in the &quot;masque of Cupid&quot;, which Britomart witnesses in the house of Busirane
&lt;br /&gt;

==== Letter to Raleigh ====
* ''The generall end therefore of all the booke is to fashion a gentleman or noble person in vertuous and gentle discipline.''
** The general end therefore of all the book is to fashion a gentleman or noble person in virtuous and gentle discipline.
*** [[Edmund Spenser]]'s prefatory letter to [[Walter Raleigh]], dated 23 January 1589 ([[w:Old Style and New Style dates|Old Style]]; 1590 New Style), appended to the 1590 edition of ''The Faerie Queene''
&lt;br /&gt;

==== Dedicatory Sonnets ====
[[File:Sir Christopher Hatton from NPG (2) cropped.jpg|thumb|The rugged brow of careful policy.]]
* ''So you great Lord, that with your counsell sway&lt;br /&gt;The burdeine of this kingdom mightily,&lt;br /&gt;With like delightes sometimes may eke delay,&lt;br /&gt;The rugged brow of carefull Policy.''
** So you, great lord, that with your counsel sway&lt;br /&gt;The burden of this kingdom mightily,&lt;br /&gt;With like delights sometimes may eke delay&lt;br /&gt;The rugged brow of careful policy.
*** Edmund Spenser's dedicatory sonnet to [[Christopher Hatton]], appended to the 1590 edition of ''The Faerie Queene''
*** Note: ''eke''=also; ''delay''=smooth
&lt;br /&gt;

=== Books IV–VI (1596) ===
==== Book IV ====
[[File:Geoffrey Chaucer (17th century).jpg|thumb|Dan Chaucer, well of English undefiled.]]
* ''Dan ''Chaucer'', well of English vndefyled,&lt;br /&gt;On Fames eternall beadroll worthie to be fyled.''
** '''Dan [[Geoffrey Chaucer|Chaucer]], well of English undefiled,&lt;br /&gt;On Fame's eternal beadroll worthy to be filed.'''
*** Bk. IV, Canto II, stanza 32


* ''Borne of one mother in one happie mold,&lt;br /&gt;Borne at one burden in one happie morne.''
** Born of one mother in one happy mould,&lt;br /&gt;Born at one burden in one happy morn.
*** Bk. IV, Canto II, stanza 41


* ''And with vnwearied fingers drawing out&lt;br /&gt;The lines of life, from liuing knowledge hid.''
** And with unwearied fingers drawing out&lt;br /&gt;The lines of life, from living knowledge hid.
*** Bk. IV, Canto II, stanza 48


[[File:Atropos.jpg|thumb|Most wretched men, whose days depend on threads so vain!]]
* ''That cruell ''Atropos'' eftsoones vndid,&lt;br /&gt;With cursed knife cutting the twist in twaine:&lt;br /&gt;Most wretched men, whose dayes depend on thrids so vaine.''
** That cruel [[w:Atropos|Atropos]] eftsoons undid,&lt;br /&gt;With cursed knife cutting the twist in twain:&lt;br /&gt;Most wretched men, whose days depend on threads so vain!
*** Bk. IV, Canto II, stanza 48
*** Note: Atropos was one of the [[w:Moirai|Three Fatal Sisters]], whose office it was to cut the thread of life


[[File:Nymph and satyr, by Gerard van Honthorst.jpg|thumb|Sweet is the love that comes alone with willingness.]]
* ''Sweete is the loue that comes alone with willingnesse.''
** Sweet is the love that comes alone with willingness.
*** Bk. IV, Canto V, stanza 25


* ''Rude was his garment, and to rags all rent,&lt;br /&gt;Ne better had he, ne for better cared:&lt;br /&gt;With blistred hands emongst the cinders brent,&lt;br /&gt;And fingers filthie, with long nayles vnpared,&lt;br /&gt;Right fit to rend the food, on which he fared.&lt;br /&gt;His name was ''Care''; a blacksmith by his trade,&lt;br /&gt;That neither day nor night from working spared,&lt;br /&gt;But to small purpose yron wedges made;&lt;br /&gt;Those be vnquiet thoughts, that carefull minds inuade.''
** Rude was his garment, and to rags all rent;&lt;br /&gt;Nor better had he, nor for better cared:&lt;br /&gt;With blistered hands amongst the cinders brent,&lt;br /&gt;And fingers filthy, with long nails unpared,&lt;br /&gt;Right fit to rend the food on which he fared.&lt;br /&gt;His name was [[Care]]; a blacksmith by his trade,&lt;br /&gt;That neither day nor night from working spared,&lt;br /&gt;But to small purpose iron wedges made;&lt;br /&gt;Those be unquiet thoughts that careful minds invade.
*** Bk. IV, Canto V, stanza 35
*** Note: ''brent''=burnt; ''careful''=full of care


* ''What equall torment to the griefe of mind,&lt;br /&gt;And pyning anguish hid in gentle hart,&lt;br /&gt;That inly feeds it selfe with thoughts vnkind,&lt;br /&gt;And nourisheth her owne consuming smart?&lt;br /&gt;What medicine can any Leaches art&lt;br /&gt;Yeeld such a sore, that doth her grieuance hide,&lt;br /&gt;And will to none her maladie impart?''
** What equal torment to the [[grief]] of mind,&lt;br /&gt;And pining anguish hid in gentle heart,&lt;br /&gt;That inly feeds itself with thoughts unkind,&lt;br /&gt;And nourisheth her own confusing smart?&lt;br /&gt;What medicine can any leech's art&lt;br /&gt;Yield such a sore, that doth her grievance hide,&lt;br /&gt;And will to none her malady impart?
*** Bk. IV, Canto VI, stanza 1


* ''All she did was but to weare out day.&lt;br /&gt;Full oftentimes she leaue of him did take;&lt;br /&gt;And eft againe deuiz'd some what to say,&lt;br /&gt;Which she forgot, whereby excuse to make:&lt;br /&gt;So loth she was his companie for to forsake.''
** All she did was but to wear out day.&lt;br /&gt;Full oftentimes she leave of him did take;&lt;br /&gt;And oft again devised somewhat to say,&lt;br /&gt;Which she forgot, whereby excuse to make:&lt;br /&gt;So loath she was his company for to forsake.
*** Bk. IV, Canto VI, stanza 45


* ''Yet was he but a Squire of low degree.''
** Yet was he but a squire of low degree.
*** Bk. IV, Canto VII, stanza 15


* ''A foule and loathly creature sure in sight,&lt;br /&gt;And in conditions to be loath'd no lesse:&lt;br /&gt;For she was stuft with rancour and despight&lt;br /&gt;Vp to the throat, that oft with bitternesse&lt;br /&gt;It forth would breake, and gush in great excesse,&lt;br /&gt;Pouring out streames of poyson and of gall&lt;br /&gt;Gainst all, that truth or vertue doe professe,&lt;br /&gt;Whom she with leasings lewdly did miscall,&lt;br /&gt;And wickedly backbite: Her name men Sclaunder call.''
** A foul and loathly creature sure in sight,&lt;br /&gt;And in conditions to be loathed no less:&lt;br /&gt;For she was stuffed with rancour and despite&lt;br /&gt;Up to the throat, that oft with bitterness&lt;br /&gt;It forth would break and gush in great excess,&lt;br /&gt;Pouring out streams of poison and of gall&lt;br /&gt;'Gainst all that truth or virtue do profess;&lt;br /&gt;Whom she with leasings lewdly did miscall&lt;br /&gt;And wickedly backbite; her name men [[Slander]] call.
*** Bk. IV, Canto VIII, stanza 24


* ''For like the stings of Aspes, that kill with smart,&lt;br /&gt;Her spightfull words did pricke, &amp; wound the inner part.''
** For, like the stings of asps that kill with smart,&lt;br /&gt;Her spiteful words did prick and wound the inner part.
*** Bk. IV, Canto VIII, stanza 26


[[File:Wedding rings.jpg|thumb|From that day forth, in peace and joyous bliss&lt;br /&gt;They lived together long without debate;&lt;br /&gt;Nor private jar, nor spite of enemies,&lt;br /&gt;Could shake the safe assurance of their state.]]
* ''From that day forth in peace and ioyous blis,&lt;br /&gt;They liu'd together long without debate,&lt;br /&gt;Ne priuate iarre, ne spite of enemis&lt;br /&gt;Could shake the safe assuraunce of their state.''
** From that day forth, in peace and joyous bliss&lt;br /&gt;They lived together long without debate;&lt;br /&gt;Nor private jar, nor spite of enemies,&lt;br /&gt;Could shake the safe assurance of their state.
*** Bk. IV, Canto IX, stanza 16; of the [[marriage]] between Poeana and Placidas


* ''Faint friends when they fall out, most cruell fomen bee.''
** Faint friends when they fall out most cruel foemen be.
*** Bk. IV, Canto IX, stanza 27


* ''True he it said, what euer man it sayd,&lt;br /&gt;That loue with gall and hony doth abound,&lt;br /&gt;But if the one be with the other wayd,&lt;br /&gt;For euery dram of hony therein found,&lt;br /&gt;A pound of gall doth ouer it redound.''
** True he it said, whatever man it said,&lt;br /&gt;That [[love]] with gall and honey doth abound;&lt;br /&gt;But if the one be with the other weighed,&lt;br /&gt;For every dram of honey therein found&lt;br /&gt;A pound of gall doth over it redound.
*** Bk. IV, Canto X, stanza 1


* ''His name was ''Doubt'', that had a double face,&lt;br /&gt;Th'one forward looking, th'other backeward bent,&lt;br /&gt;Therein resembling ''Ianus'' auncient,&lt;br /&gt;Which hath in charge the ingate of the yeare:&lt;br /&gt;And euermore his eyes about him went,&lt;br /&gt;As if some proued perill he did feare,&lt;br /&gt;Or did misdoubt some ill, whose cause did not appeare.''
** His name was [[Doubt]], that had a double face,&lt;br /&gt;The one forward looking, the other backward bent,&lt;br /&gt;Therein resembling Janus ancient,&lt;br /&gt;Which had in charge the ingate of the year:&lt;br /&gt;And evermore his eyes about him went,&lt;br /&gt;As if some proved peril he did fear,&lt;br /&gt;Or did misdoubt some ill, whose cause did not appear.
*** Bk. IV, Canto X, stanza 12


[[File:John Dickson Batten—The Garden of Adonis—Amoretta and Time—1887.jpg|thumb|For all that nature by her mother-wit&lt;br /&gt;Could frame in earth.]]
* ''For all that nature by her mother wit&lt;br /&gt;Could frame in earth.''
** '''For all that nature by her [[mother]]-[[wit]]&lt;br /&gt;Could frame in earth.'''
*** Bk. IV, Canto X, stanza 21


* ''And her against sweet Cherefulnesse was placed,&lt;br /&gt;Whose eyes like twinkling stars in euening cleare,&lt;br /&gt;Were deckt with smyles, that all sad humors chaced,&lt;br /&gt;And darted forth delights, the which her goodly graced.''
** And her against sweet [[Cheerfulness]] was placed,&lt;br /&gt;Whose eyes, like twinkling stars in evening clear,&lt;br /&gt;Were decked with smiles that all sad humours chased,&lt;br /&gt;And darted forth delights the which her goodly graced.
*** Bk. IV, Canto X, stanza 50


* ''Ne lesse was she in secret hart affected,&lt;br /&gt;But that she masked it with modestie,&lt;br /&gt;For feare she should of lightnesse be detected.''
** Nor less was she in secret heart affected,&lt;br /&gt;But that she masked it with modesty,&lt;br /&gt;For fear she should of lightness be detected.
*** Bk. IV, Canto XII, stanza 35
&lt;br /&gt;

==== Book V ====
[[File:EdmundSpenser.jpg|thumb|Me seems the world is run quite out of square&lt;br /&gt;From the first point of his appointed source;&lt;br /&gt;And, being once amiss, grows daily worse and worse.]]

* ''Me seemes the world is runne quite out of square,&lt;br /&gt;From the first point of his appointed sourse,&lt;br /&gt;And being once amisse growes daily wourse and wourse.''
** Me seems the world is run quite out of square&lt;br /&gt;From the first point of his appointed source;&lt;br /&gt;And, being once amiss, grows daily worse and worse.
*** Bk. V, Proem, stanza 1


* ''For that which all men then did vertue call,&lt;br /&gt;Is now cald vice; and that which vice was hight,&lt;br /&gt;Is now hight vertue, and so vs'd of all:&lt;br /&gt;Right now is wrong, and wrong that was is right.''
** For that which all men then did virtue call,&lt;br /&gt;Is now called vice; and that which vice was hight,&lt;br /&gt;Is now hight virtue, and so used of all;&lt;br /&gt;Right now is wrong, and wrong that was is right.
*** Bk. V, Proem, stanza 4


[[File:Edmund blair leighton accolade.jpg|thumb|Nought is more honorable to a knight,&lt;br /&gt;Nor better doth beseem brave chivalry,&lt;br /&gt;Than to defend the feeble in their right&lt;br /&gt;And wrong redress in such as wend awry.]]
* ''Nought is more honorable to a knight,&lt;br /&gt;Ne better doth beseeme braue cheualry,&lt;br /&gt;Then to defend the feeble in their right,&lt;br /&gt;And wrong redresse in such as wend awry.''
** Nought is more honorable to a knight,&lt;br /&gt;Nor better doth beseem brave chivalry,&lt;br /&gt;Than to defend the feeble in their right&lt;br /&gt;And wrong redress in such as wend awry.
*** Bk. V, Canto II, stanza 1


[[File:The Giant with the Scales.jpg|thumb|For there is nothing lost that may be found if sought.]]
* ''For whatsoeuer from one place doth fall,&lt;br /&gt;Is with the tide vnto an other brought:&lt;br /&gt;For there is nothing lost, that may be found, if sought.''
** For whatsoever from one place doth fall&lt;br /&gt;Is with the tide unto another brought:&lt;br /&gt;For there is nothing lost that may be found if sought.
*** Bk. V, Canto II, stanza 39


[[File:Michelangelo, Creation of Adam 06.jpg|thumb|He maketh kings to sit in sovereignty;&lt;br /&gt;He maketh subjects to their power obey;&lt;br /&gt;He pulleth down, He setteth up on high;&lt;br /&gt;He gives to this, from that He takes away:&lt;br /&gt;For all we have is His: what He list do, He may.]]
* ''He maketh Kings to sit in souerainty;&lt;br /&gt;He maketh subiects to their powre obay;&lt;br /&gt;He pulleth downe, he setteth vp on hy;&lt;br /&gt;He giues to this, from that he takes away.&lt;br /&gt;For all we haue is his: what he list doe, he may.''
** He maketh kings to sit in sovereignty;&lt;br /&gt;He maketh subjects to their power obey;&lt;br /&gt;He pulleth down, he setteth up on high;&lt;br /&gt;He gives to this, from that he takes away:&lt;br /&gt;For all we have is his: what he list do, he may.
*** Bk. V, Canto II, stanza 41


* ''For take thy ballaunce, if thou be so wise,&lt;br /&gt;And weigh the winde, that vnder heauen doth blow;&lt;br /&gt;Or weigh the light, that in the East doth rise;&lt;br /&gt;Or weigh the thought, that frõ mans mind doth flow.''
** For take thy balance, if thou be so wise,&lt;br /&gt;And weigh the wind that under heaven doth blow;&lt;br /&gt;Or weigh the light that in the east doth rise;&lt;br /&gt;Or weigh the thought that from man's mind doth flow.
*** Bk. V, Canto II, stanza 43


[[File:john Hamilton Mortimer - Sir Arthegal, the Knight of Justice, with Talus, the Iron Man (from Spenser's `Faerie Queene') - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|Ill can he rule the great that cannot reach the small.]]
* ''Ill can he rule the great, that cannot reach the small.''
** '''Ill can he rule the great that cannot reach the small.'''
*** Bk. V, Canto II, stanza 43


* ''After long stormes and tempests ouerblowne,&lt;br /&gt;The sunne at length his ioyous face doth cleare:&lt;br /&gt;So when as fortune all her spight hath showne,&lt;br /&gt;Some blisfull houres at last must needes appeare;&lt;br /&gt;Else should afflicted wights oftimes despeire.''
** After long storms and tempests overblown,&lt;br /&gt;The sun at length his joyous face doth clear;&lt;br /&gt;So whenas fortune all her spite hath shown,&lt;br /&gt;Some blissful hours at last must needs appear;&lt;br /&gt;Else would afflicted wights oft-times despair.
*** Bk. V, Canto III, stanza 1


* ''All sodainely enflam'd with furious fit,&lt;br /&gt;Like a fell Lionesse at him she flew,&lt;br /&gt;And on his head-peece him so fiercely smit,&lt;br /&gt;That to the ground him quite she ouerthrew,&lt;br /&gt;Dismayd so with the stroke, that he no colours knew.''
** All suddenly inflamed with furious fit,&lt;br /&gt;Like a fell lioness at him she flew,&lt;br /&gt;And on his head-piece him so fiercely smit,&lt;br /&gt;That to the ground him quite she overthrew,&lt;br /&gt;Dismayed so with the stroke that he no colours knew.
*** Bk. V, Canto IV, stanza 39


[[File:Spinnrock - Hallwylska museet - 108480.tif|thumb|So hard it is to be a woman's slave!]]
* ''A sordid office for a mind so braue.&lt;br /&gt;So hard it is to be a womans slaue.''
** A sordid office for a mind so brave:&lt;br /&gt;So hard it is to be a woman's slave!
*** Bk. V, Canto V, stanza 23


* ''Nought is on earth more sacred or diuine,&lt;br /&gt;That Gods and men doe equally adore,&lt;br /&gt;Then this same vertue, that doth right define:&lt;br /&gt;For th'heuens thẽselues, whence mortal men implore&lt;br /&gt;Right in their wrongs, are rul'd by righteous lore&lt;br /&gt;Of highest ''Ioue'', who doth true iustice deale&lt;br /&gt;To his inferiour Gods, and euermore&lt;br /&gt;Therewith containes his heauenly Common-weale:&lt;br /&gt;The skill whereof to Princes hearts he doth reueale.''
** Nought is on earth more sacred or divine,&lt;br /&gt;That gods and men do equally adore,&lt;br /&gt;Than this same virtue, that doth right define;&lt;br /&gt;For the heavens themselves, whence mortal men implore&lt;br /&gt;Right in their wrongs, are ruled by righteous lore&lt;br /&gt;Of highest Jove, who doth true [[justice]] deal&lt;br /&gt;To his inferior gods, and evermore&lt;br /&gt;Therewith contains his heavenly commonweal:&lt;br /&gt;The skill whereof to princes' hearts he doth reveal.
*** Bk. V, Canto VII, stanza 1


[[File:José Echenagusía - Samson and Delilah - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|Nought under heaven so strongly doth allure&lt;br /&gt;The sense of man, and all his mind possess,&lt;br /&gt;As Beauty's lovely bait, that doth procure&lt;br /&gt;Great warriors oft their rigour to repress,&lt;br /&gt;And mighty hands forget their manliness.]]
* ''Nought vnder heauen so strongly doth allure&lt;br /&gt;The sence of man, and all his minde possesse,&lt;br /&gt;As beauties louely baite, that doth procure&lt;br /&gt;Great warriours oft their rigour to represse,&lt;br /&gt;And mighty hands forget their manlinesse;&lt;br /&gt;Drawne with the powre of an heart-robbing eye,&lt;br /&gt;And wrapt in fetters of a golden tresse,&lt;br /&gt;That can with melting pleasaunce mollifye&lt;br /&gt;Their hardned hearts, enur'd to bloud and cruelty.''
** Nought under heaven so strongly doth allure&lt;br /&gt;The sense of man, and all his mind possess,&lt;br /&gt;As [[Beauty]]'s lovely bait, that doth procure&lt;br /&gt;Great warriors oft their rigour to repress,&lt;br /&gt;And mighty hands forget their manliness;&lt;br /&gt;Drawn with the power of an heart-robbing eye,&lt;br /&gt;And wrapped in fetters of a golden tress,&lt;br /&gt;That can with melting pleasance mollify&lt;br /&gt;Their hardened hearts, inured to blood and cruelty.
*** Bk. V, Canto VIII, stanza 1


* ''Some Clarkes doe doubt in their deuicefull art,&lt;br /&gt;Whether this heauenly thing, whereof I treat,&lt;br /&gt;To weeten ''Mercie'', be of Iustice part,&lt;br /&gt;Or drawne forth from her by diuine extreate.&lt;br /&gt;This well I wote, that sure she is as great,&lt;br /&gt;And meriteth to haue as high a place,&lt;br /&gt;Sith in th'Almighties euerlasting seat&lt;br /&gt;She first was bred, and borne of heauenly race;&lt;br /&gt;From thence pour'd down on men, by influence of grace.''
** Some clerks do doubt, in their deviceful art,&lt;br /&gt;Whether this heavenly thing whereof I treat,&lt;br /&gt;To weeten [[mercy]], be of justice part,&lt;br /&gt;Or drawn forth from her by divine extreat:&lt;br /&gt;This well I wot, that sure she is as great,&lt;br /&gt;And meriteth to have as high a place,&lt;br /&gt;Sith in the Almighty's everlasting seat&lt;br /&gt;She first was bred and born of heavenly race;&lt;br /&gt;From thence poured down on men by influence of grace.
*** Bk. V, Canto X, stanza 1


[[File: Vrouwejustitia.jpg|thumb|It often falls, in course of common life,&lt;br /&gt;That right long time is overborne of wrong,&lt;br /&gt;Through avarice, or power, or guile, or strife;&lt;br /&gt;But justice, though her doom she do prolong,&lt;br /&gt;Yet, at the last, she will her own cause right.]]
* ''It often fals in course of common life,&lt;br /&gt;That right long time is ouerborne of wrong,&lt;br /&gt;Through auarice, or powre, or guile, or strife,&lt;br /&gt;That weakens her, and makes her party strong:&lt;br /&gt;But Iustice, though her dome she doe prolong,&lt;br /&gt;Yet at the last she will her owne cause right.''
** It often falls, in course of common life,&lt;br /&gt;That right, long time, is overborne of wrong,&lt;br /&gt;Through avarice, or power, or guile, or strife,&lt;br /&gt;That weakens her, and makes her party strong;&lt;br /&gt;'''But [[Justice]], though her doom she do prolong,&lt;br /&gt;Yet, at the last, she will her own cause right.'''
*** Bk. V, Canto XI, stanza 1


* ''Dearer is loue then life, and fame then gold;&lt;br /&gt;But dearer then thẽ both, your faith once plighted hold.''
** Dearer is love than life, and fame than gold;&lt;br /&gt;But dearer than them both, your faith once plighted hold.
*** Bk. V, Canto XI, stanza 63


[[File:P493 Edmund Spenser.jpg|thumb|O sacred hunger of ambitious minds&lt;br /&gt;And impotent desire of men to reign!]]
* ''Osacred hunger of ambitious mindes,&lt;br /&gt;And impotent desire of men to raine,&lt;br /&gt;Whom neither dread of God, that deuils bindes,&lt;br /&gt;Nor lawes of men, that common weales containe,&lt;br /&gt;Nor bands of nature, that wilde beastes restraine,&lt;br /&gt;Can keepe from outrage, and from doing wrong,&lt;br /&gt;Where they may hope a kingdome to obtaine.&lt;br /&gt;No faith so firme, no trust can be so strong,&lt;br /&gt;No loue so lasting then, that may enduren long.''
** '''O sacred hunger of [[ambitious]] minds'''&lt;br /&gt;And impotent desire of men to reign,&lt;br /&gt;Whom neither dread of God, that devils binds,&lt;br /&gt;Nor laws of men, that commonweals contain,&lt;br /&gt;Nor bands of nature, that wild beasts restrain,&lt;br /&gt;Can keep from outrage and from doing wrong,&lt;br /&gt;Where they may hope a kingdom to obtain.&lt;br /&gt;No faith so firm, no trust can be so strong,&lt;br /&gt;No love so lasting then, that may enduren long.
*** Bk. V, Canto XII, stanza 1
*** Note: ''sacred''=cursed, detestable (one of the meanings of the Latin ''sacer''; see [[w:John Upton (Spenser editor)|John Upton]]'s glossary in his edition of ''Spenser's Faerie Queene'', 1758, Vol. I, p. xlv)
*** Compare:
**** ''Auri sacra fames.''
***** Accursed hunger for gold.
****** [[Virgil]], ''[[Aeneid]]'' (19 BCE), Book III, line 57 (Loeb translation by [[w:Henry Rushton Fairclough|H. Rushton Fairclough]])


* ''And made to fly, like doues, whom the Eagle doth affray.''
** And made to fly like doves, whom the eagle doth affray.
*** Bk. V, Canto XII, stanza 5


* ''Her hands were foule and durtie, neuer washt&lt;br /&gt;In all her life, with long nayles ouer raught,&lt;br /&gt;Like puttocks clawes: with th'one of which she scracht&lt;br /&gt;Her cursed head, although it itched naught;&lt;br /&gt;The other held a snake with venime fraught,&lt;br /&gt;On which she fed, and gnawed hungrily,&lt;br /&gt;As if that long she had not eaten ought;&lt;br /&gt;That round about her iawes one might descry&lt;br /&gt;The bloudie gore and poyson dropping lothsomely.''
** Her hands were foul and dirty, never washed&lt;br /&gt;In all her life, with long nails over-raught,&lt;br /&gt;Like puttock's claws with the one of which she scratched&lt;br /&gt;Her cursed head, although it itched naught;&lt;br /&gt;The other held a snake with venom fraught,&lt;br /&gt;On which she fed and gnawed hungrily,&lt;br /&gt;As if that long she had not eaten aught;&lt;br /&gt;That round about her jaws one might descry&lt;br /&gt;The bloody gore and poison dropping loathsomely.
*** Bk. V, Canto XII, stanza 30; of [[Envy]]


* ''Her face was vgly, and her mouth distort,&lt;br /&gt;Foming with poyson round about her gils,&lt;br /&gt;In which her cursed tongue full sharpe and short&lt;br /&gt;Appear'd like Aspis sting, that closely kils,&lt;br /&gt;Or cruelly does wound, whom so she wils:&lt;br /&gt;A distaffe in her other hand she had,&lt;br /&gt;Vpon the which she litle spinnes, but spils,&lt;br /&gt;And faynes to weaue false tales and leasings bad,&lt;br /&gt;To throw amongst the good, which others had disprad.''
** Her face was ugly, and her mouth distort,&lt;br /&gt;Foaming with poison round about her gills,&lt;br /&gt;In which her cursed tongue (full sharp and short)&lt;br /&gt;Appeared like asp's sting, that closely kills&lt;br /&gt;Or cruelly does wound whomso she wills;&lt;br /&gt;A distaff in her other hand she had,&lt;br /&gt;Upon the which she little spins, but spills;&lt;br /&gt;And fains to weave false tales and leasings bad,&lt;br /&gt;To throw amongst the good, which others had disprad.
*** Bk. V, Canto XII, stanza 36; of [[w:Detraction|Detraction]]


[[File:Blatant Beast.jpg|thumb|A monster, which the ''Blatant Beast'' men call;&lt;br /&gt;A dreadful fiend, of gods and men ydrad.]]
* ''A monster, which the ''Blatant beast'' men call,&lt;br /&gt;A dreadfull feend of gods and men ydrad.''
** '''A monster, which the ''Blatant Beast'' men call,&lt;br /&gt;A dreadful fiend, of gods and men ydrad.'''
*** Bk. V, Canto XII, stanza 37
&lt;br /&gt;

==== Book VI ====
[[File:Benjamin Wilson (1721-1788) - Edmund Spenser (1552–1599) - PD0071 - Pembroke College.jpg|thumb|Virtue's seat is deep within the mind,&lt;br /&gt;And not in outward shows, but inward thoughts defined.]]

* ''Yet is that glasse so gay, that it can blynd&lt;br /&gt;The wisest sight, to thinke gold that is bras.''
** Yet is that [[mirror|glass]] so gay that it can blind&lt;br /&gt;The wisest sight, to think gold that is brass.
*** Bk. VI, Proem, stanza 5; of [[fashion]]


* ''But vertues seat is deepe within the mynd,&lt;br /&gt;And not in outward shows, but inward thoughts defynd.''
** But Virtue's seat is deep within the mind,&lt;br /&gt;And not in outward shows but inward thoughts defined.
*** Bk. VI, Proem, stanza 5


* ''No greater shame to man then inhumanitie.''
** &quot;No greater shame to man than inhumanity.&quot;
*** Bk. VI, Canto I, stanza 26; spoken by Calidore


* ''In vaine he seeketh others to suppresse,&lt;br /&gt;Who hath not learnd him selfe first to subdew.''
** &quot;In vain he seeketh others to suppress&lt;br /&gt;Who hath not learned himself first to subdue.&quot;
*** Bk. VI, Canto I, stanza 41; spoken by Calidore


[[File:Sir Calidore wooes the Shepherdess.jpg|thumb|Who will not mercy unto others show,&lt;br /&gt;How can he mercy ever hope to have?]]
* ''Who will not mercie vnto others shew,&lt;br /&gt;How can he mercy euer hope to haue?''
** &quot;'''Who will not mercy unto others show,&lt;br /&gt;How can he mercy ever hope to have?'''&quot;
*** Bk. VI, Canto I, stanza 42; spoken by Calidore
*** Compare:
**** Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
***** [[Gospel of Matthew|Matthew]] 5:7 KJV


* ''What vertue is so fitting for a knight,&lt;br /&gt;Or for a Ladie, whom a knight should loue,&lt;br /&gt;As Curtesie, to beare themselues aright&lt;br /&gt;To all of each degree, as doth behoue?''
** What virtue is so fitting for a knight,&lt;br /&gt;Or for a lady whom a knight should love,&lt;br /&gt;As [[Courtesy]]; to bear themselves aright&lt;br /&gt;To all of each degree as doth behove?
*** Bk. VI, Canto II, stanza 1


[[File:Chaucer manuscrit portrait (détail).jpeg|thumb|The gentle mind by gentle deeds is known:&lt;br /&gt;For man by nothing is so well bewrayed&lt;br /&gt;As by his [[manners]].]]
* ''True is, that whilome that good Poet sayd,&lt;br /&gt;The gentle minde by gentle deeds is knowne.&lt;br /&gt;For a man by nothing is so well bewrayd,&lt;br /&gt;As by his manners, in which plaine is showne&lt;br /&gt;Of what degree and what race he is growne.''
** True is, that whilom that good poet said,&lt;br /&gt;'''The gentle mind by gentle deeds is known:&lt;br /&gt;For man by nothing is so well bewrayed&lt;br /&gt;As by his manners''', in which plain is shown&lt;br /&gt;Of what degree and what race he is grown.
*** Bk. VI, Canto III, stanza 1
*** Note: ''whilom''=formerly, once upon a time; ''bewrayed''=betrayed, revealed
*** Compare:
**** ''He is gentil that doth gentil dedis.''
***** He is gentle that does gentle deeds.
****** [[Geoffrey Chaucer]], ''Wife of Bath's Tale'' (c. 1390), line 1170


* ''He was to weete a man of full ripe yeares,&lt;br /&gt;That in his youth had beene of mickle might,&lt;br /&gt;And borne great sway in armes amongst his peares:&lt;br /&gt;But now weake age had dimd his candle light.&lt;br /&gt;Yet was he courteous still to euery wight.''
** He was to weet a man of full ripe years,&lt;br /&gt;That in his youth had been of mickle might,&lt;br /&gt;And borne great sway in arms amongst his peers;&lt;br /&gt;But now weak age had dimmed his candle-light.&lt;br /&gt;Yet was he courteous still to every wight.
*** Bk. VI, Canto III, stanza 3
*** Note: ''mickle''=much


* ''Such is the weakenesse of all mortall hope;&lt;br /&gt;So tickle is the state of earthly things,&lt;br /&gt;That ere they come vnto their aymed scope,&lt;br /&gt;They fall too short of our fraile reckonings,&lt;br /&gt;And bring vs bale and bitter sorrowings,&lt;br /&gt;In stead of comfort, which we should embrace.''
** Such is the weakness of all mortal hope;&lt;br /&gt;So tickle is the state of earthly things;&lt;br /&gt;That, ere they come unto their aimed scope,&lt;br /&gt;They fall too short of our frail reckonings,&lt;br /&gt;And bring us bale and bitter sorrowings,&lt;br /&gt;Instead of comfort which we should embrace.
*** Bk. VI, Canto III, stanza 5
*** Note: ''tickle''=unstable, uncertain


* ''Ill seemes (sayd he) if he so valiaunt be,&lt;br /&gt;That he should be so sterne to stranger wight:&lt;br /&gt;For seldome yet did liuing creature see,&lt;br /&gt;That curtesie and manhood euer disagree.''
** &quot;Ill seems,&quot; said he, &quot;if he so valiant be,&lt;br /&gt;That he should be so stern to stranger wight:&lt;br /&gt;For seldom yet did living creature see&lt;br /&gt;That [[courtesy]] and manhood ever disagree.&quot;
*** Bk. VI, Canto III, stanza 40; spoken by Calepine


* ''Mosse bestrowed,&lt;br /&gt;Must be their bed, their pillow was vnsowed.''
** Moss bestrowed&lt;br /&gt;Must be their bed; their pillow was unsewed.
*** Bk. VI, Canto IV, stanza 14


* ''Therein he them full faire did entertaine&lt;br /&gt;Not with such forged showes, as fitter beene&lt;br /&gt;For courting fooles, that curtesies would faine,&lt;br /&gt;But with entire affection and appearaunce plaine.''
** Therein he them full fair did entertain,&lt;br /&gt;Not with such forged shows, as fitter been&lt;br /&gt;For courting fools that courtesies would feign,&lt;br /&gt;But with entire affection and appearance plain.
*** Bk. VI, Canto V, stanza 38


* ''No wound, which warlike hand of enemy&lt;br /&gt;Inflicts with dint of sword, so sore doth light,&lt;br /&gt;As doth the poysnous sting, which infamy&lt;br /&gt;Infixeth in the name of noble wight:&lt;br /&gt;For by no art, nor any leaches might&lt;br /&gt;It euer can recured be againe;&lt;br /&gt;Ne all the skill, which that immortall spright&lt;br /&gt;Of ''Podalyrius'' did in it retaine,&lt;br /&gt;Can remedy such hurts; such hurts are hellish paine.''
** '''No wound, which warlike hand of enemy&lt;br /&gt;Inflicts with dint of sword, so sore doth light&lt;br /&gt;As doth the poisonous sting which infamy&lt;br /&gt;Infixeth in the name of noble wight''':&lt;br /&gt;For by no art, nor any leach's might,&lt;br /&gt;It ever can recured be again;&lt;br /&gt;Nor all the skill, which that immortal spright&lt;br /&gt;Of Podalirius did in it retain,&lt;br /&gt;Can remedy such hurts; such hurts are hellish pain.
*** Bk. VI, Canto VI, stanza 1


* ''Giue salues to euery sore, but counsell to the minde.''
** Give salves to every sore, but counsel to the mind.
*** Bk. VI, Canto VI, stanza 5


* ''Thereto, when needed, she could weepe and pray,&lt;br /&gt;And when her listed, she could fawne and flatter;&lt;br /&gt;Now smyling smoothly, like to sommers day,&lt;br /&gt;Now glooming sadly, so to cloke her matter;&lt;br /&gt;Yet were her words but wynd, &amp; all her teares but water.''
** Thereto, when needed, she could weep and pray,&lt;br /&gt;And when her listed she could fawn and flatter;&lt;br /&gt;Now smiling smoothly, like to summer's day,&lt;br /&gt;Now glooming sadly, so to cloak her matter;&lt;br /&gt;Yet were her words but wind, and all her tears but water.
*** Bk. VI, Canto VI, stanza 42; of Blandina


* ''Through thick and thin, through mountains &amp; through plains.''
** Through thick and thin, through mountains and through plains.
*** Bk. VI, Canto VII, stanza 44


* ''Ye gentle Ladies, in whose soueraine powre&lt;br /&gt;Loue hath the glory of his kingdome left,&lt;br /&gt;And th'hearts of men, as your eternall dowre,&lt;br /&gt;In yron chaines, of liberty bereft,&lt;br /&gt;Deliuered hath into your hands by gift;&lt;br /&gt;Be well aware, how ye the same doe vse,&lt;br /&gt;That pride doe not to tyranny you lift;&lt;br /&gt;Least if men you of cruelty accuse,&lt;br /&gt;He from you take that chiefedome, which ye doe abuse.''
** Ye gentle ladies, in whose sovereign power&lt;br /&gt;Love hath the glory of his kingdom left,&lt;br /&gt;And the hearts of men, as your eternal dower,&lt;br /&gt;In iron chains, of liberty bereft,&lt;br /&gt;Delivered hath into your hands by gift;&lt;br /&gt;Be well aware how ye the same do use,&lt;br /&gt;That pride do not to tyranny you lift;&lt;br /&gt;Lest, if men you of cruelty accuse,&lt;br /&gt;He from you take that chiefdom which ye do abuse.
*** Bk. VI, Canto VIII, stanza 1


* ''Then to the rest his wrathfull hand he bends,&lt;br /&gt;Of whom he makes such hauocke and such hew,&lt;br /&gt;That swarmes of damned soules to hell he sends:&lt;br /&gt;The rest that scape his sword and death eschew,&lt;br /&gt;Fly like a flocke of doues before a Faulcons vew.''
** Then to the rest his wrathful hand he bends;&lt;br /&gt;Of whom he makes such havoc and such hew,&lt;br /&gt;That swarms of damned souls to hell he sends;&lt;br /&gt;The rest, that scape his sword and death eschew,&lt;br /&gt;Fly like a flock of doves before a falcon's view.
*** Bk. VI, Canto VIII, stanza 49


[[File:Calidore and Pastorella by Gertrude Demain Hammond.jpg|thumb|'''It is the [[mind]] that maketh good or ill,&lt;br /&gt;That maketh wretch or happy, rich or poor''':&lt;br /&gt;For some that hath abundance at his will&lt;br /&gt;Hath not enough, but wants in greatest store;&lt;br /&gt;And other that hath little asks no more,&lt;br /&gt;But in that little is both rich and wise;&lt;br /&gt;For wisdom is most riches; fools therefore&lt;br /&gt;They are which fortunes do by vows devise,&lt;br /&gt;Since each unto himself his life may fortunize.]]
* ''It is the mynd, that maketh good or ill,&lt;br /&gt;That maketh wretch or happie, rich or poore:&lt;br /&gt;For some, that hath abundance at his will,&lt;br /&gt;Hath not enough, but wants in greatest store;&lt;br /&gt;And other, that hath litle, askes no more,&lt;br /&gt;But in that litle is both rich and wise.&lt;br /&gt;For wisedome is most riches; fooles therefore&lt;br /&gt;They are, which fortunes doe by vowes deuize,&lt;br /&gt;Sith each vnto himselfe his life may fortunize.''
** It is the mind that maketh good or ill,&lt;br /&gt;That maketh wretch or happy, rich or poor:&lt;br /&gt;For some that hath abundance at his will&lt;br /&gt;Hath not enough, but wants in greatest store;&lt;br /&gt;And other that hath little asks no more,&lt;br /&gt;But in that little is both rich and wise;&lt;br /&gt;For wisdom is most riches; fools therefore&lt;br /&gt;They are which fortunes do by vows devise,&lt;br /&gt;Since each unto himself his life may fortunize.
*** Bk. VI, Canto IX, stanza 30


* ''Old loue is litle worth when new is more prefard.''
** Old love is little worth when new is more preferred.
*** Bk. VI, Canto IX, stanza 40


&lt;!--[[File:Moby Dick final chase.jpg|thumb|Like as the wounded whale to shore flies from the main.]]--&gt;
* ''Which to recure, no skill of Leaches art&lt;br /&gt;Mote him auaile, but to returne againe&lt;br /&gt;To his wounds worker, that with louely dart&lt;br /&gt;Dinting his brest, had bred his restlesse paine,&lt;br /&gt;Like as the wounded Whale to shore flies fro the maine.''
** Which to recure, no skill of leach's art&lt;br /&gt;Might him avail, but to return again&lt;br /&gt;To his wound's worker, that with lovely dart&lt;br /&gt;Dinting his breast had bred his restless pain;&lt;br /&gt;Like as the wounded whale to shore flies from the main.
*** Bk. VI, Canto X, stanza 31
*** Note: ''recure''=recover, cure; ''dinting''=denting, piercing
*** This whaling simile is quoted by [[Herman Melville]] in his introductory &quot;Extracts&quot; to ''[[Moby-Dick]]'' (1851), p. xiii, as follows:
**** &quot;Which to secure, no skill of leach's art&lt;br /&gt;Mote him availle, but to returne againe&lt;br /&gt;To his wound's worker, that with lowly dart,&lt;br /&gt;Dinting his breast, had bred his restless paine,&lt;br /&gt;Like as the wounded whale to shore flies thro' the maine.&quot;


* ''The gentle heart scornes base disparagement.''
** The gentle heart scorns base disparagement.
*** Bk. VI, Canto X, stanza 37


[[File:William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1825-1905) - Elegy (1899).jpg|thumb|The joys of love, if they should ever last&lt;br /&gt;Without affliction or disquietness&lt;br /&gt;That worldly chances do amongst them cast,&lt;br /&gt;Would be on earth too great a blessedness.]]
* ''The ioyes of loue, if they should euer last,&lt;br /&gt;Without affliction or disquietnesse,&lt;br /&gt;That worldly chaunces doe amongst them cast,&lt;br /&gt;Would be on earth too great a blessednesse,&lt;br /&gt;Liker to heauen, then mortall wretchednesse.&lt;br /&gt;Therefore the winged God, to let men weet,&lt;br /&gt;That here on earth is no sure happinesse,&lt;br /&gt;A thousand sowres hath tempred with one sweet,&lt;br /&gt;To make it seeme more deare and dainty, as is meet.''
** The joys of [[love]], if they should ever last&lt;br /&gt;Without affliction or disquietness&lt;br /&gt;That worldly chances do amongst them cast,&lt;br /&gt;Would be on earth too great a blessedness,&lt;br /&gt;Liker to heaven than mortal wretchedness:&lt;br /&gt;Therefore the winged god, to let men weet&lt;br /&gt;'''That here on earth is no sure happiness''',&lt;br /&gt;A thousand sours hath tempered with one sweet,&lt;br /&gt;To make it seem more dear and dainty, as is meet.
*** Bk. VI, Canto XI, stanza 1


* &lt;p&gt;''And therein were a thousand tongs empight,&lt;br /&gt;Of sundry kindes, and sundry quality,&lt;br /&gt;Some were of dogs, that barked day and night,&lt;br /&gt;And some of cats, that wrawling still did cry.&lt;br /&gt;And some of Beares, that groynd continually,&lt;br /&gt;And some of Tygres, that did seeme to gren,&lt;br /&gt;And snar at all, that euer passed by:&lt;br /&gt;But most of them were tongues of mortall men,&lt;br /&gt;Which spake reprochfully, not caring where nor when.''&lt;/p&gt;''And them amongst were mingled here and there,&lt;br /&gt;The tongues of Serpents with three forked stings,&lt;br /&gt;That spat out poyson and gore bloudy gere&lt;br /&gt;At all, that came within his rauenings,&lt;br /&gt;And spake licentious words, and hatefull things&lt;br /&gt;Of good and bad alike, of low and hie;&lt;br /&gt;Ne Kesars spared he a whit, nor Kings,&lt;br /&gt;But either blotted them with infamie,&lt;br /&gt;Or bit them with his banefull teeth of iniury.''
** &lt;p&gt;And therein were a thousand tongues empight&lt;br /&gt;Of sundry kinds and sundry quality;&lt;br /&gt;Some were of dogs, that barked day and night,&lt;br /&gt;And some of cats, that wrawling still did cry,&lt;br /&gt;And some of bears, that groined continually,&lt;br /&gt;And some of tigers, that did seem to gren&lt;br /&gt;And snarl at all that ever passed by;&lt;br /&gt;But most of them were tongues of mortal men,&lt;br /&gt;Which spake reproachfully, not caring where nor when.&lt;/p&gt;And them amongst were mingled here and there&lt;br /&gt;The tongues of serpents, with three-forked stings,&lt;br /&gt;That spat out poison, and gore-bloody gear,&lt;br /&gt;At all that came within his ravenings;&lt;br /&gt;And spake licentious words and hateful things&lt;br /&gt;Of good and bad alike, of low and high;&lt;br /&gt;Nor kaisers spared he a whit nor kings,&lt;br /&gt;But either blotted them with infamy,&lt;br /&gt;Or bit them with his baneful teeth of injury.
*** Bk. VI, Canto XII, stanzas 27–28

{{Disputed begin}}

=== Book VII? (1609) ===
: &lt;small&gt;Note: The &quot;Two Cantos of Mutability&quot;, numbered VI and VII, (and two stanzas of an &quot;unperfite&quot; canto numbered VIII,) first appeared with the third edition of ''The Faerie Queene'', published by the bookseller Matthew Lownes in 1609, ten years after Spenser's death, and are supposed to be part of book VII. In the opinion of literary critic [[w:George Lillie Craik|George Lillie Craik]], &quot;the poetry has none of the marks of imitation, and is not only perfectly in Spenser's manner throughout, but much of it in his very highest style&quot;, and, (speaking of the unfinished canto VIII,) &quot;All will acknowledge that this is Spenser all over, in its faults as well as in its beauties, that no other could have written it but he, and that he has rarely produced anything finer&quot; (''Spenser and his Poetry'', Vol. III, pp. 97 and 122)&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Edward Burne-Jones - The Wheel of Fortune.jpg|thumb|What man that sees '''the ever-whirling wheel&lt;br /&gt;Of change''', the which all mortal things doth sway,&lt;br /&gt;But that thereby doth find, and plainly feel,&lt;br /&gt;How [[Mutability]] in them doth play&lt;br /&gt;Her cruel sports, to many men's decay?]]
* ''What man that sees the euer-whirling wheele&lt;br /&gt;Of Change, the which all mortall things doth sway,&lt;br /&gt;But that therby doth find, &amp; plainely feele,&lt;br /&gt;How ''MVTABILITY'' in them doth play&lt;br /&gt;Her cruell sports, to many mens decay?''
** '''What man that sees the ever-whirling wheel&lt;br /&gt;Of Change, the which all mortal things doth sway,&lt;br /&gt;But that thereby doth find, and plainly feel,&lt;br /&gt;How Mutability in them doth play&lt;br /&gt;Her cruel sports to many men's decay?'''
*** Bk. VII, Canto VI, stanza 1


* ''Warres and allarums vnto Nations wide.''
** Wars and alarums unto nations wide.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VI, stanza 3


* ''Good on-set boads good end.''
** Good onset bodes good end.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VI, stanza 23


* ''For, we by Conquest of our soueraine might,&lt;br /&gt;And by eternall doome of Fates decree,&lt;br /&gt;Haue wonne the Empire of the Heauens bright.''
** For we by conquest of our sovereign might,&lt;br /&gt;And by eternal doom of Fates' decree,&lt;br /&gt;Have won the empire of the heavens bright.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VI, stanza 33


[[File:XN Fruehjahrswiese 00.jpg|thumb|So forth issued the seasons of the year.&lt;br /&gt;First, lusty Spring, all dight in leaves of flowers&lt;br /&gt;That freshly budded, and new blooms did bear.]]
* ''So, forth issew'd the Seasons of the yeare;&lt;br /&gt;First, lusty ''Spring'', all dight in leaues of flowres&lt;br /&gt;That freshly budded and new bloosmes did beare&lt;br /&gt;(In which a thousand birds had built their bowres&lt;br /&gt;That sweetly sung, to call forth Paramours):&lt;br /&gt;And in his hand a iauelin he did beare,&lt;br /&gt;And on his head (as fit for warlike stoures)&lt;br /&gt;A guilt engrauen morion he did weare;&lt;br /&gt;That as some did him loue, so others did him feare.''
** So forth issued the seasons of the year.&lt;br /&gt;First, lusty [[Spring]], all dight in leaves of flowers&lt;br /&gt;That freshly budded and new blooms did bear&lt;br /&gt;(In which a thousand birds had built their bowers&lt;br /&gt;That sweetly sung to call forth paramours);&lt;br /&gt;And in his hand a javelin he did bear,&lt;br /&gt;And on his head (as fit for warlike stoures)&lt;br /&gt;A gilt-engraven morion he did wear;&lt;br /&gt;That as some did him love, so others did him fear.
*** Bk. VII, Cantos VII, stanza 28


[[File:Summer Legros Louvre MR1980.jpg|thumb|Then came the jolly [[Summer]], being dight&lt;br /&gt;In a thin silken cassock coloured green&lt;br /&gt;That was unlined all, to be more light.]]

* ''Then came the iolly ''Sommer'', being dight&lt;br /&gt;In a thin silken cassock coloured greene,&lt;br /&gt;That was vnlyned all, to be more light:&lt;br /&gt;And on his head a girlond well beseene&lt;br /&gt;He wore, from which as he had chauffed been&lt;br /&gt;The sweat did drop; and in his hand he bore&lt;br /&gt;A boawe and shaftes, as he in forrest greene&lt;br /&gt;Had hunted late the Libbard or the Bore,&lt;br /&gt;And now would bathe his limbes, with labor heated sore.''
** Then came the jolly [[Summer]], being dight&lt;br /&gt;In a thin silken cassock coloured green&lt;br /&gt;That was unlined all, to be more light,&lt;br /&gt;And on his head a garland well beseen&lt;br /&gt;He wore, from which as he had chafed been,&lt;br /&gt;The sweat did drop; and in his hand he bore&lt;br /&gt;A bow and shafts, as he in forest green&lt;br /&gt;Had hunted late the libbard or the boar,&lt;br /&gt;And now would bathe his limbs, with labour heated sore.
*** Bk. VII, Cantos VII, stanza 29


[[File:Autumn Legros Louvre MR1981.jpg|thumb|Then came the Autumn, all in yellow clad.]]

* ''Then came the ''Autumne'' all in yellow clad,&lt;br /&gt;As though he ioyed in his plentious store,&lt;br /&gt;Laden with fruits that made him laugh, full glad&lt;br /&gt;That he had banisht hunger, which to-fore&lt;br /&gt;Had by the belly oft him pinched sore.&lt;br /&gt;Vpon his head a wreath that was enrold&lt;br /&gt;With eares of corne, of euery sort he bore:&lt;br /&gt;And in his hand a sickle he did holde,&lt;br /&gt;To reape the ripened fruits the which the earth had yold.''
** Then came the [[Autumn]], all in yellow clad,&lt;br /&gt;As though he joyed in his plenteous store,&lt;br /&gt;Laden with fruits that made him laugh, full glad&lt;br /&gt;That he had banished hunger, which before&lt;br /&gt;Had by the belly oft him pinched sore;&lt;br /&gt;Upon his head a wreath, that was enrolled&lt;br /&gt;With ears of corn of every sort, he bore,&lt;br /&gt;And in his hand a sickle he did hold,&lt;br /&gt;To reap the ripened fruits the which the earth had yold.
*** Bk. VII, Cantos VII, stanza 30


[[File:Winter Legros Louvre MR1982.jpg|thumb|Lastly came Winter, clothed all in frieze,&lt;br /&gt;Chattering his teeth for cold that did him chill.]]
* ''Lastly, came ''Winter'' cloathed all in frize,&lt;br /&gt;Chattering his teeth for cold that did him chill,&lt;br /&gt;Whil'st on his hoary beard his breath did freese;&lt;br /&gt;And the dull drops that from his purpled bill&lt;br /&gt;As from a limbeck did adown distill.&lt;br /&gt;In his right hand a tipped staffe he held,&lt;br /&gt;With which his feeble steps he stayed still:&lt;br /&gt;For, he was faint with cold, and weak with eld;&lt;br /&gt;That scarse his loosed limbes he hable was to weld.''
** Lastly came [[Winter]], clothed all in frieze,&lt;br /&gt;Chattering his teeth for cold that did him chill,&lt;br /&gt;Whilst on his hoary beard his breath did freeze,&lt;br /&gt;And the dull drops that from his purpled bill,&lt;br /&gt;As from a limbeck, did adown distill;&lt;br /&gt;In his right hand a tipped staff he held,&lt;br /&gt;With which his feeble steps he stayed still:&lt;br /&gt;For he was faint with cold and weak with eld,&lt;br /&gt;That scarce his loosed limbs he able was to weld.
*** Bk. VII, Cantos VII, stanza 31


* ''First, sturdy ''March'' with brows full sternly bent,&lt;br /&gt;And armed strongly, rode vpon a Ram,&lt;br /&gt;The same which ouer ''Hellespontus'' swam:&lt;br /&gt;Yet in his hand a spade he also hent,&lt;br /&gt;And in a bag all sorts of seeds ysame,&lt;br /&gt;Which on the earth he strowed as he went,&lt;br /&gt;And fild her womb with fruitfull hope of nourishment.''
** First, sturdy [[March]], with brows full sternly bent&lt;br /&gt;And armed strongly, rode upon a ram,&lt;br /&gt;The same which over Hellespontus swam;&lt;br /&gt;Yet in his hand a spade he also hent,&lt;br /&gt;And in a bag all sorts of seeds ysame,&lt;br /&gt;Which on the earth he strewed as he went,&lt;br /&gt;And filled her womb with fruitful hope of nourishment.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 32


[[File:May - Chambers' Book of Days.jpg|thumb|Then came fair May, the fairest maid on ground,&lt;br /&gt;Decked all with dainties of her season's pride,&lt;br /&gt;And throwing flowers out of her lap around.]]
* ''Then came faire ''May'', the fayrest mayd on ground,&lt;br /&gt;Deckt all with dainties of her seasons pryde,&lt;br /&gt;And throwing flowres out of her lap around:&lt;br /&gt;Vpon two brethrens shoulders she did ride,&lt;br /&gt;The twinnes of ''Leda''; which on eyther side&lt;br /&gt;Supported her like to their soueraine Queene.''
** Then came fair [[May]], the fairest maid on ground,&lt;br /&gt;Decked all with dainties of her season's pride,&lt;br /&gt;And throwing flowers out of her lap around:&lt;br /&gt;Upon two brethren's shoulders she did ride,&lt;br /&gt;The Twins of Leda; which on either side&lt;br /&gt;Supported her like to their sovereign queen.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 34
*** Note: ''Twins of Leda''=[[w:Castor and Pollux|Castor and Pollux]]


[[File:July - Chambers' Book of Days.jpg|thumb|Then came hot July, boiling like to fire,&lt;br /&gt;That all his garments he had cast away;&lt;br /&gt;Upon a lion, raging yet with ire,&lt;br /&gt;He boldly rode and made him to obey;&lt;br /&gt;Behind his back a scythe, and by his side&lt;br /&gt;Under his belt he wore a sickle circling wide.]]
* ''Then came hot ''Iuly'' boyling like to fire,&lt;br /&gt;That all his garments he had cast away:&lt;br /&gt;Vpon a Lyon raging yet with ire&lt;br /&gt;He boldly rode and made him to obay:&lt;br /&gt;It was the beast that whylome did forray&lt;br /&gt;The Nemaean forrest, till th'''Amphytrionide''&lt;br /&gt;Him slew, and with his hide did him array;&lt;br /&gt;Behinde his back a sithe, and by his side&lt;br /&gt;Vnder his belt he bore a sickle circling wide.''
** Then came hot [[July]], boiling like to fire,&lt;br /&gt;That all his garments he had cast away;&lt;br /&gt;Upon a lion, raging yet with ire,&lt;br /&gt;He boldly rode and made him to obey;&lt;br /&gt;(It was the beast that whilom did foray&lt;br /&gt;The Nemean forest, till the Amphytrionide&lt;br /&gt;Him slew, and with his hide did him array.)&lt;br /&gt;Behind his back a scythe, and by his side&lt;br /&gt;Under his belt he wore a sickle circling wide.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 36
*** Note: ''Amphytrionide''=[[w:Hercules|Hercules]] (so called from [[w:Amphitryon|Amphitryon]], the husband of Hercules' mother [[w:Alcmene|Alcmene]])


* ''Iolly ''Iune'', arrayd&lt;br /&gt;All in greene leaues, as he a Player were.''
** Jolly [[June]], arrayed&lt;br /&gt;All in green leaves, as he a player were.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 35


* ''Next was ''Nouember'', he full grosse and fat,&lt;br /&gt;As fed with lard, and that right well might seeme;&lt;br /&gt;For, he had been a fatting hogs of late.''
** Next was [[November]]; he full gross and fat&lt;br /&gt;As fed with lard, and that right well might seem;&lt;br /&gt;For he had been a-fatting hogs of late.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 40


[[File:December - Chambers' Book of Days.jpg|thumb|And after him came next the chill December:&lt;br /&gt;Yet he, through merry feasting which he made&lt;br /&gt;And great bonfires, did  not the cold remember;&lt;br /&gt;His Saviour's birth his mind so much did glad.]]
* ''And after him, came next the chill ''December:''&lt;br /&gt;Yet he through merry feasting which he made,&lt;br /&gt;And great bonfires, did not the cold remember;&lt;br /&gt;His Sauiours birth his mind so much did glad:&lt;br /&gt;Vpon a shaggy-bearded Goat he rode,&lt;br /&gt;The same wherewith ''Dan Ioue'' in tender yeares,&lt;br /&gt;They say, was nourisht by th&lt;nowiki&gt;'&lt;/nowiki&gt;''I[d]œan'' mayd;&lt;br /&gt;And in his hand a broad deepe boawle he beares;&lt;br /&gt;Of which, he freely drinks an health to all his peeres.''
** And after him came next the chill [[December]]:&lt;br /&gt;Yet he, through merry feasting which he made&lt;br /&gt;And great bonfires, did  not the cold remember;&lt;br /&gt;His Saviour's birth his mind so much did glad.&lt;br /&gt;Upon a shaggy-bearded goat he rode,&lt;br /&gt;The same wherewith Dan Jove in tender years,&lt;br /&gt;They say, was nourished by the Idaean maid;&lt;br /&gt;And in his hand a broad deep bowl he bears,&lt;br /&gt;Of which he freely drinks a health to all his peers.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 41


[[File:Jacopo da Sellaio - Triumph of Eternity - 1485-90.jpg|thumb|But thenceforth all shall rest [[eternally]]&lt;br /&gt;With Him that is the God of Sabaoth hight.]]


* ''And after all came ''Life'', and lastly ''Death'';&lt;br /&gt;''Death'' with most grim and griesly visage seene,&lt;br /&gt;Yet is he nought but parting of the breath;&lt;br /&gt;Ne ought to see, but like a shade to weene,&lt;br /&gt;Vnbodied, vnsoul'd, vnheard, vnseene.''
** And after all came Life; and lastly [[Death]]:&lt;br /&gt;Death with most grim and grisly visage seen,&lt;br /&gt;Yet is he nought but parting of the breath;&lt;br /&gt;Nor aught to see, but like a shade to ween,&lt;br /&gt;Unbodied, unsouled, unheard, unseen.
*** Bk. VII, Cantos VII, stanza 46


* ''But ''Times'' do change and moue continually.''
** But times do change and move continually.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 47


[[File:Queen Elizabeth I ('The Ditchley portrait') by Marcus Gheeraerts the Younger.jpg|thumb|O that great Sabaoth God, grant me that Sabaoth's sight!]]
* ''Of that same time when no more ''Change'' shall be,&lt;br /&gt;But stedfast rest of all things firmely stayd&lt;br /&gt;Vpon the pillours of Eternity,&lt;br /&gt;That is contrayr to ''Mutabilitie:''&lt;br /&gt;For, all that moueth, doth in ''Change'' delight:&lt;br /&gt;But thence-forth all shall rest eternally&lt;br /&gt;With Him that is the God of Sabbaoth hight:&lt;br /&gt;O! that great Sabbaoth God, grant me that Sabaoths sight.''
** Of that same time when no more change shall be,&lt;br /&gt;But steadfast rest of all things, firmly stayed&lt;br /&gt;Upon the pillars of Eternity,&lt;br /&gt;That is contrair to Mutability:&lt;br /&gt;'''For all that moveth doth in change delight;&lt;br /&gt;But thenceforth all shall rest eternally&lt;br /&gt;With Him that is the God of Sabaoth hight''':&lt;br /&gt;O that great Sabaoth God, grant me that Sabaoth's sight.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VIII, stanza 2
*** Note: James Nohrnberg observes that Queen Elizabeth's name in Hebrew—which Nohrnberg etymologizes as Eli-sabbath—can mean &quot;Sabbath God&quot; (or &quot;God of rest&quot;), concluding that &quot;It is the finishing of her poem that will grant her poet rest&quot; (''The Analogy of &quot;The Faerie Queene&quot;'' [Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1976], p. 83). Similarly, A. C. Hamilton argues that &quot;[Spenser's] final prayer as an exile in war-ravaged Ireland is for sight of the Queen and the rest which she signifies&quot; ('Our New Poet: Spenser, &quot;well of English undefyld&quot;', in ''Essential Articles for the Study of Edmund Spenser'', ed. A. C. Hamilton [Hamden, Conn.: Archon, 1972], p. 110)

{{Disputed end}}

== Quotations about ''The Faerie Queene'' ==
[[File:Briton Rivière - Una and the Lion.jpg|thumb|&quot;Beyond all doubt it is best to have made one's first acquaintance with Spenser in a very large—and, preferably, illustrated—edition of ''The Faerie Queene'', on a wet day, between the ages of twelve and sixteen.&quot;—[[C. S. Lewis]]. 1941.]]
:&lt;small&gt;(arranged in chronological order)&lt;/small&gt;

===16th century===
* A continued allegory or dark conceit.
** [[Edmund Spenser]], [[s:The Faerie Queene (1590/1596)/Books 1 to 3 (1590)/A Letter of the Authors expounding his whole intention in the course of this worke|letter]] to [[Walter Raleigh]] dated 23 January 1589 (i.e., 1590), appended to the 1590 edition of ''The Faerie Queene''


[[File:Palladis Tamia 1598.jpg|thumb|&quot;I know not what more excellent or exquisite poem may be written.&quot;—[[w:Francis Meres|Francis Meres]]. 1598.]]
* As [[Sextus Propertius]] said, ''Nescio quid magis nascitur Iliade'': so I say of [[Edmund Spenser|Spenser]]'s ''Fairy Queen''; I know not what more excellent or exquisite poem may be written. [...] Spenser's Eliza, the Fairy Queen, hath the advantage of all the queens in the world, to be eternized by so divine a poet.
** [[w:Francis Meres|Francis Meres]], ''[[w:Palladis Tamia|Palladis Tamia]]'' (1598)
** Compare:
*** ''Nescioquid maius nascitur Iliade.''
**** Something greater than the ''[[Iliad]]'' is born.
***** [[Propertius|Sextus Propertius]], ''Elegies'', Book II (26–25 BCE), 34.66; of [[Virgil]]'s ''[[Aeneid]]'', as reported and translated in ''The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations'', 5th ed. (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1999), p. 593


===17th century===
[[File:Benjamin Jonson by Abraham van Blyenberch.jpg|thumb|&quot;Spenser's noble book.&quot;—[[Ben Jonson]]. 1640.]]
* Spenser's noble book.
** [[Ben Jonson]], ''Underwoods'' (1640)


[[File:John Dryden portrait.jpg|thumb|&quot;There is no uniformity in the design of Spenser: he aims at the accomplishment of no one action. Had he lived to finish his poem in the six remaining legends, it had certainly been more of a piece; but could not have been perfect, because the model was not true.&quot;—[[John Dryden]]. 1693.]]
* There is no uniformity in the design of Spenser: he aims at the accomplishment of no one action; he raises up a hero for every one of his adventures, and endows each of them with some particular moral virtue, which renders them all equal, without subordination or preference. Every one is valiant in his own legend; only we must do him the justice to observe, that magnanimity, which is the character of Prince Arthur, shines throughout the whole poem, and succours the rest when they are in distress. The original of every knight was then living in the court of [[Elizabeth I|Queen Elizabeth]]; and he attributed to each of them that virtue which he thought was most conspicuous in them; an ingenious piece of flattery, though it turned not much to his account. Had he lived to finish his poem in the six remaining legends, it had certainly been more of a piece; but could not have been perfect, because the model was not true. But Prince Arthur, or his chief patron, [[Sir Philip Sidney]], whom he intended to make happy by the marriage of his Gloriana, dying before him, deprived the poet both of means and spirit to accomplish his design. For the rest, his obsolete language, and ill choice of his stanza, are faults both of the second magnitude; for notwithstanding the first, he is still intelligible, at least after a little practice, and for the last he is more to be admired, that labouring under such a difficulty, his verses are so numerous, so various, and so harmonious, that only [[Virgil]], whom he has professedly imitated, has surpassed him among the Romans, and only [[Edmund Waller|Mr. Waller]] among the English.
** [[John Dryden]], ''The Satires'' (1693), Dedication, p. viii
** Compare [[w:Edmond Malone|Edmond Malone]]'s commentary: &quot;Sir Philip Sydney, we know, died October 16, 1586; but so far is it from being true that his death deprived Spencer of ''spirit'' to complete his work, that it is almost certain much the greater part of it was written between that year and 1595; and it is equally untrue, that on the loss of that patron, he was deprived of those ''means'' which would have rendered him independent, and enabled him to devote his hours to literary pursuits [...]. The language of ''The Fairy Queen'' was the poetical language of the age in which [Spenser] lived; and, however obsolete it might appear to Dryden, was, I conceive, perfectly intelligible to every reader of poetry in the time of Queen Elizabeth, though ''[[w:The Shepheardes Calender|The Shepherd's Calender]]'' was not even then understood without a commentary&quot; (''The Critical and Miscellaneous Prose Works of John Dryden'', ed. Edmond Malone, Vol. III [1800], footnotes on pp. 93–94). Malone's latter statement is quoted approvingly by [[w:Nathan Drake (essayist)|Nathan Drake]] (in ''Shakspeare'' [sic] ''and His Times'' [1838], p. 314), but disapprovingly by [[w:Thomas Lounsbury|Thomas R. Lounsbury]] (in ''Studies in Chaucer'', Vol. III [1892], pp. 64–65)


[[File:Joseph Addison by Sir Godfrey Kneller, Bt.jpg|thumb|&quot;Old Spenser next, warmed with poetic rage,&lt;br /&gt;In ancient tales amused a barbarous age;&lt;br /&gt;But now the mystic tale, that pleased of yore,&lt;br /&gt;Can charm an understanding age no more.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;—[[Joseph Addison]]. 1694.]]
* Old Spenser next, warmed with poetic rage,&lt;br /&gt;In ancient tales amused a barbarous age;&lt;br /&gt;An age that, yet uncultivate and rude,&lt;br /&gt;Where'er the poet's fancy led, pursued,&lt;br /&gt;Through pathless fields and unfrequented floods,&lt;br /&gt;To dens of dragons and enchanted woods.&lt;br /&gt;But now the mystic tale, that pleased of yore,&lt;br /&gt;Can charm an understanding age no more:&lt;br /&gt;The long-spun allegories fulsome grow,&lt;br /&gt;While the dull moral lies too plain below.&lt;br /&gt;We view well-pleased at distance all the sights&lt;br /&gt;Of arms and palfreys, battles, fields, and fights,&lt;br /&gt;And damsels in distress, and courteous knights.&lt;br /&gt;But when we look too near, the shades decay,&lt;br /&gt;And all the pleasing landscape fades away.
** [[Joseph Addison]], &quot;An Account of the Greatest English Poets&quot; (1694), lines 17–31
** Compare [[Alexander Pope]]'s commentary on these lines: &quot;The character [Addison] gives of Spenser is false [...] and I have heard him say that he never read Spenser till fifteen years after he wrote it&quot; (as reported in [[w:Joseph Spence (author)|Joseph Spence]]'s ''Observations, Anecdotes, and Characters, of Books and Men'' [1820], 1728–1730, p. 150). [[w:William John Courthope|William John Courthope]] remarks that Pope is &quot;always a suspicious witness where Addison is concerned&quot; (in Courthope's ''Addison'' [London: Macmillan, 1884], p. 33)


===18th century===
[[File:Alexander Pope.jpg|thumb|&quot;There is something in Spenser that pleases one as strongly in one's old age as it did in one's youth. I read ''The Faerie Queene'' when I was about twelve, with infinite delight; and I think it gave me as much when I read it over about a year or two ago.&quot;—[[Alexander Pope]]. 1740.]]
* After reading a canto of Spenser two or three days ago to an old lady, between seventy and eighty years of age, she said that I had been showing her a gallery of pictures.—I don't know how it is, but she said very right: there is something in Spenser that pleases one as strongly in one's old age, as it did in one's youth. I read the ''Faerie Queene'' when I was about twelve, with infinite delight; and I think it gave me as much, when I read it over about a year or two ago.
** [[Alexander Pope]], 1743–1744 (a year before Pope's death), as quoted in Joseph Spence's ''Anecdotes, Observations, and Characters, of Books and Men'', ed. S. W. Singer (1820)&lt;!--, section VIII: 1743–1744--&gt;, pp. 296–297


* I don't wonder that you are in such raptures with Spenser! What an imagination! What an invention! What painting! What colouring displayed throughout the works of that admirable author! and yet, for want of time, or opportunity, I have not read his ''Fairy Queen'' through in series, or at a heat, as I may call it.
** [[Samuel Richardson]], letter to Susanna Highmore (22 June 1750), in ''The Correspondence of Richardson'', Vol. II (1804), p. 245


* Though the ''Faerie Queene'' does not exhibit that economy of plan and exact arrangement of parts which epic severity requires, yet we scarcely regret the loss of these while their place is so amply supplied by something which more powerfully attracts us, as it engages the affection of the heart, rather than the applause of the head; and if there be any poem whose graces please, because they are situated beyond the reach of art, and where the faculties of creative imagination delight us, because they are unassisted and unrestrained by those of deliberate judgment, it is in this of which we are now speaking. To sum up all in a few words; though in the ''Faerie Queene'' we are not satisfied as critics, yet we are transported as readers.
** [[Thomas Warton]], ''Observations on the Faerie Queene of Spenser'' (1754), pp. 12–13


[[File:Johann Heinrich Füssli 058.jpg|thumb|&quot;In every poem there ought to be simplicity and unity; and in the epic poem the unity of the action should never be violated by introducing any ill-joined or heterogeneous parts. This essential rule Spenser seems to me strictly to have followed.&quot;—[[w:John Upton (Spenser editor)|John Upton]]. 1758.]]
* In every poem there ought to be simplicity and unity; and in the epic poem the unity of the action should never be violated by introducing any ill-joined or heterogeneous parts. This essential rule Spenser seems to me strictly to have followed; for what story can well be shorter or more simple than the subject of this poem? A British prince sees in a vision the Fairy Queen, and he falls in love, and goes in search after this unknown fair; and at length finds her. This fable has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The beginning is, the British prince saw in a vision the Fairy Queen, and fell in love with her; the middle, his search after her, with the adventures that he underwent; the end, his finding whom he sought.
** [[w:John Upton (Spenser editor)|John Upton]], Preface to ''Spenser's Faerie Queene'', Vol. I (1758), p. xx–xxi


* Spenser, and the same may be said of [[Ariosto]], did not live in an age of planning. His poetry is the careless exuberance of a warm imagination and a strong sensibility. It was his business [in his ''Faerie Queen''] to engage the fancy, and to interest the attention by bold and striking images, in the formation and the disposition of which little labour or art was applied. 
** [[Thomas Warton]], ''Observations on the Faerie Queen of Spenser'', 2nd ed. (1762), Vol. I, p. 15


[[File:Thomas Warton by Reynolds.jpg|thumb|&quot;Allegorical poetry, through many gradations, at last received its ultimate consummation in the ''Fairy Queen''.&quot;—[[Thomas Warton]]. 1762.]]
* Allegorical poetry, through many gradations, at last received its ultimate consummation in the ''Fairy Queen''.
** [[Thomas Warton]], ''Observations on the Fairy Queen of Spenser'', 2nd ed. (1762), Vol. II, p. 112


===19th century===
* It is scarcely possible to accompany Spenser's allegorical heroes to the end of their excursions. They want flesh and blood—a want for which nothing can compensate. The personification of abstract ideas furnishes the most brilliant images of poetry; but these meteor forms, which startle and delight us when our senses are flurried by passion, must not be submitted to our cool and deliberate examination.
** [[w:George Ellis|George Ellis]], ''Specimens of the Early English Poets'' (1801), p. 203


[[File:Sir Henry Raeburn - Portrait of Sir Walter Scott.jpg|thumb|&quot;Spenser I could have read forever. Too young to trouble myself about the allegory, I considered all the knights and ladies and dragons and giants in their outward and exoteric sense, and God only knows how delighted I was to find myself in such society.&quot;—[[Walter Scott]]. 1808.]]
* But Spenser I could have read forever. Too young to trouble myself about the allegory, I considered all the knights and ladies and dragons and giants in their outward and exoteric sense, and God only knows how delighted I was to find myself in such society. As I had always a wonderful facility in retaining in my memory whatever verses pleased me, the quantity of Spenser's stanzas which I could repeat was really marvellous.
** [[Walter Scott]], autobiography (26 April 1808), in [[John Gibson Lockhart|J. G. Lockhart]]'s ''[[w:Memoirs of the Life of Sir Walter Scott|Memoirs of the Life of Sir Walter Scott]]'', Vol. I (Paris: Galignani, 1837), pp. 20–21


* Without being insensible to the defects of the ''Fairy Queen'', I am never weary of reading it.
** [[Robert Southey]], letter to [[Walter Savage Landor]] (11 January 1811), in ''The Life and Correspondence of Robert Southey'', Vol. III (1850), p. 295


[[File:Sir James Mackintosh by Sir Thomas Lawrence.jpg|thumb|&quot;I have finished ''The Faerie Queene''. I never parted from a long poem with so much regret.&quot;—[[James Mackintosh]]. 1812.]]
* I have finished the 'Faerie Queene.' I never parted from a long poem with so much regret. He is a poet of a most musical ear—of a tender heart—of a peculiarly soft, rich, fertile, and flowery fancy. His verse always flows, with ease and nature, most abundantly and sweetly; his diffusion is not only pardonable, but agreeable. Grandeur and energy are not his characteristic qualities. He seems to me a most genuine poet, and to be justly placed after [[William Shakespeare|Shakspeare]] and [[John Milton|Milton]], and above all other English poets.
** [[James Mackintosh]], diary (6 April 1812), in ''Memoirs'', ed. Robert James Mackintosh, Vol. II (London: Edward Moxon, 1835), p. 238


* Spenser's poetry is all fairy-land. [...] The poet takes and lays us in the lap of a lovelier nature, by the sound of softer streams, among greener hills and fairer valleys. He paints nature not as we find it, but as we expected to find it, and fulfils the delightful promise of our youth. He waves his wand of enchantment, and at once embodies airy beings, and throws a delicious veil over all actual objects. The two worlds of reality and of fiction are poised on the wings of his imagination.
** [[William Hazlitt]], ''Lectures on the English Poets'' (1818), p. 68


* Some people will say [...] that they cannot understand [the ''Faery Queen''] on account of the [[allegory]]. They are afraid of the allegory, as if they thought it would bite them: they look at it as a child looks at a painted dragon, and think it will strangle them in its shining folds. This is very idle. If they do not meddle with the allegory, the allegory will not meddle with them. Without minding it at all, the whole is as plain as a pikestaff.
** [[William Hazlitt]], ''Lectures on the English Poets'' (1818), p. 74


* You will take especial note of the marvellous independence and true imaginative absence of all particular space or time in the &quot;Faery Queene.&quot; It is in the domains neither of history or geography; it is ignorant of all artificial boundary, all material obstacles; it is truly in land of Faery, that is, of mental space. The poet has placed you in a dream, a charmed sleep, and you neither wish, nor have the power, to inquire where you are, or how you got there.
** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''Course of Lectures'', III (3 February 1818), as reported in ''The Critical Perspective'', ed. [[Harold Bloom]], Vol. II (New York: Chelsea House Publishers, 1986), p. 633; first published in ''Lectures and Notes on Shakspere'' [sic] ''and Other English Poets'', ed. [[w:Thomas Ashe (poet)|T. Ashe]] (London: Bell, 1883), p. 514


[[File:Lavery Maiss Auras.jpg|thumb|&quot;No young lady of the present generation falls to a new novel of Sir Walter Scott's with keener relish than I did that morning to the ''Faery Queen''.&quot;—[[Robert Southey]]. 1823.]]
* No young lady of the present generation falls to a new novel of [[Walter Scott|Sir Walter Scott]]'s with keener relish than I did that morning to the ''Faery Queen''.
** [[Robert Southey]], letter (19 January 1823) in ''The Life and Correspondence of Robert Southey'', ed. C. C. Southey, Vol. I (1849), p. 85


[[File:Sir Calidore overthrows the Blatant Beast.jpg|thumb|&quot;Of the persons who read the first canto, not one in ten reaches the end of the first book, and not one in a hundred perseveres to the end of the poem. Very few and very weary are those who are in at the death of the Blatant Beast.&quot;—[[Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1st Baron Macaulay|Thomas Babington Macaulay]]. 1831.]]
* Even Spenser himself, though assuredly one of the greatest poets that ever lived, could not succeed in the attempt to make allegory interesting. It was in vain that he lavished the riches of his mind on the House of Pride and the House of Temperance. One unpardonable fault, the fault of tediousness, pervades the whole of the ''Fairy Queen''. We become sick of cardinal virtues and deadly sins, and long for the society of plain men and women. Of the persons who read the first Canto, not one in ten reaches the end of the First Book, and not one in a hundred perseveres to the end of the poem. Very few and very weary are those who are in at the death of the Blatant Beast. If the last six books, which are said to have been destroyed in Ireland, had been preserved, we doubt whether any heart less stout than that of a commentator would have held out to the end.
** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1st Baron Macaulay|Thomas Babington Macaulay]], 'Southey's ''Edition of the Pilgrim's Progress''&lt;nowiki&gt;'&lt;/nowiki&gt;, in ''The Edinburgh Review'', Vol. LIV (1831), p. 452
** Note: The Blatant Beast does not die in the poem. [[w:C. A. Patrides|C. A. Patrides]] comments: &quot;Macaulay himself, it is clear, did not persevere to the end.&quot; In ''Figures in a Renaissance Context'', eds. Claude J. Summers and Ted-Larry Pebworth (Ann Arbor: University of Michigan Press, 1989), p. 35. Quoted in Hazel Wilkinson's ''Edmund Spenser and the Eighteenth-Century Book'' (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press), Introduction, p. 1


[[File:Portrait of James Montgomery Esq (4672641).jpg|thumb|&quot;The noblest allegorical poem in our own language,—indeed, the noblest allegorical poem in the world.&quot;—[[James Montgomery (poet)|James Montgomery]]. 1833.]]
* The noblest allegorical poem in our own language,—indeed, the noblest allegorical poem in the world,—is Spenser's &quot;Faerie Queene;&quot; at the same time, it is probable, that if it had ''not'' been allegorical at all, it would have been a far more felicitous and attractive work of imagination.
** [[James Montgomery (poet)|James Montgomery]], ''Lectures on Poetry and General Literature'' (1833), p. 169


* No allegorical poem, either previous or succeeding, has approached the ''Faerie Queen'' within half the diameter of the earth.
** [[w:John Wilson (Scottish writer)|John Wilson]], &quot;Spenser: No. II: The Fairy Queen&quot;, in ''Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine'', Vol. XXXVI (Edinburgh: William Blackwood, 1834), no. 226 (September 1834), p. 415


[[File:John Ruskin 1863.jpg|thumb|&quot;''The Faerie Queen'' is only half-estimated because few persons take the pains to think out its meaning.&quot;—[[John Ruskin]]. 1853.]]

* The &quot;Faerie Queen,&quot; like Dante's &quot;Paradise,&quot; is only half estimated, because few persons take the pains to think out its meaning.
** [[John Ruskin]], ''The Stones of Venice'', Vol. II (1853), p. 326


[[File:Ada Thilen - Girl Reading in a Landscape.jpg|thumb|&quot;Select rather a June morning, when the brilliant white clouds are sailing slowly through a blue sky, a grassy bank under a tree, looking down a long valley with broken hills in the distance; let mind and body both be at ease, and both disposed to dream, but not to sleep, and when the influences of nature have had their due effect, open, if you please, at the middle of the Legend of Sir Guyon.&quot;—[[w:Francis James Child|Francis James Child]]. 1855.]]
* &quot;Much depends,&quot; says [[Charles Lamb]], &quot;upon ''when'' and ''where'' you read a book. In the five or six impatient minutes before the dinner is quite ready, who would think of taking up the ''Fairy Queen'' for a stop-gap?&quot; Select rather a June morning, when the brilliant white clouds are sailing slowly through a blue sky, a grassy bank under a tree, looking down a long valley with broken hills in the distance; let mind and body both be at ease, and both disposed to dream, but not to sleep, and when the influences of nature have had their due effect, open, if you please, at the middle of the Legend of Sir Guyon.
** [[w:Francis James Child|Francis James Child]], &quot;Memoir of Spenser&quot;, in ''The Poetical Works of Edmund Spenser'', Vol. I (Boston: Little, Brown &amp; Co., 1855), p. lviii


[[File:James Russell Lowell - 1855.jpg|thumb|&quot;Whoever wishes to be rid of thought and to let the busy anvils of the brain be silent for a time, let him read in the ''Faery Queene''. There is the land of pure heart's ease, where no ache or sorrow of spirit can enter.&quot;—[[James Russell Lowell]]. 1875.]]
* No man can read the &quot;Faery Queen&quot; and be anything but the better for it. Through that rude age, when maids of honor drank beer for breakfast and Hamlet could say a gross thing to Ophelia, he passes serenely abstracted and high, the Don Quixote of poets. Whoever can endure unmixed delight, whoever can tolerate music and painting and poetry all in one, whoever wishes to be rid of thought and to let the busy anvils of the brain be silent for a time, let him read in the &quot;Faery Queen.&quot; There is the land of pure heart's ease, where no ache or sorrow of spirit can enter.
** [[James Russell Lowell]], &quot;Spenser&quot;, in ''The North American Review'', Vol. 120 (Boston: James R. Osgood &amp; Co, 1875), No. 247 (April 1875), p. 394


[[File:Portrait of Edward Dowden.jpg|thumb|&quot;''The Faerie Queene'', if nothing else, is at least a labyrinth of beauty, a forest of old romance in which it is possible to lose oneself more irrecoverably amid the tangled luxury of loveliness than elsewhere in English poetry.&quot;—[[Edward Dowden]]. 1888.]]
* The &quot;Faery Queen,&quot; if nothing else, is at least a labyrinth of beauty, a forest of old romance in which it is possible to lose oneself more irrecoverably amid the tangled luxury of loveliness than elsewhere in English poetry. 
** [[Edward Dowden]], ''Transcripts and Studies'' (1888), p. 288; quoted in ''Modern Critical Views: Edmund Spenser'', ed. [[Harold Bloom]] (New York: Chelsea House, 1986), p. 173


===20th century===
* I have at last come to the end of the ''Faerie Queene'': and though I say 'at last,' I almost wish he had lived to write six books more as he hoped to do so much have I enjoyed it.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], letter to [[w:Arthur Greeves|Arthur Greeves]] (7 March 1916), in ''Letters of C. S. Lewis'', ed. W. H. Lewis (London: Geoffrey Bles, 1966), p. 27


* [Mr. John Bailey] related a story of an officer who read the ''Faerie Queene'' to his men when they were in a particularly difficult situation. The men did not understand the words, but the poetry had a soothing influence upon them. Nothing better could be said of poetry than that.
** At a General Meeting of the English Association (25 May 1917), as reported in ''The Journal of Education'', Vol. XLIX (1917), p. 438; quoted in Brian Doyle's ''English and Englishness'' (London and New York: Routledge, 1989), p. 28


* Who, except scholars, and except the eccentric few who are born with a sympathy for such work, or others who have deliberately studied themselves into the right appreciation, can now read through the whole of ''The Faerie Queene'' with delight?
** [[T. S. Eliot]], 'Charles Whibley' (1931), in ''Selected Essays: 1917–1932'' (New York: Harcourt Brace, 1932), p. 405


* I am reading ''The Faery Queen''—with delight. [...] I can't think out what I mean about ''conception'': the idea behind ''F.Q.'' How to express a kind of natural transition from state to state. And the air of natural beauty.
** [[Virginia Woolf]], diary entry on 23 January 1935, in ''The Diary of Virginia Woolf, Vol. IV: 1931–1935'', eds. Anne Olivier Bell and ‎Andrew McNeillie (London: Hogarth Press, 1982), p. 275


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14781108194).jpg|thumb|&quot;The things we read about in ''The Faerie Queene'' are not like life, but the experience of reading it is like living.&quot;—[[C. S. Lewis]]. 1936.]]
* The things we read about in [''The Faerie Queene''] are not like life, but the experience of reading it is like living. The clashing antitheses which meet and resolve themselves into higher unities, the lights streaming out from the great allegorical ''foci'' to turn into a hundred different colours as they reach the lower levels of complex adventure, the adventures gathering themselves together and revealing their true nature as we draw near the ''foci'', the constant re-appearance of certain basic ideas, which transform themselves without end and yet ever remain the same (eterne in mutability), the unwearied variety and seamless continuity of the whole—all this is Spenser's true likeness to life.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], ''The Allegory of Love'' (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1936), p. 358


* Beyond all doubt it is best to have made one's first acquaintance with Spenser in a very large—and, preferably, illustrated—edition of ''The Faerie Queene'', on a wet day, between the ages of twelve and sixteen; [...] those who have had this good fortune [...] will never have lost touch with the poet. His great book will have accompanied them year by year.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], 'Edmund Spenser', from ''Fifteen Poets'' (London: Oxford University Press, 1941); in ''Studies in Medieval and Renaissance Literature'', ed. Walter Hooper (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1966), p. 146; quoted in ‎Roy Maynard's ''Fierce Wars and Faithful Loves: Edmund Spenser's ''The Faerie Queene'', Book I'' (Moscow, Idaho: Canon Press, 1999), Introduction, p. 9


* It is not, perhaps, absolutely necessary to have a large edition ''in fact''; but it is imperative that you should think of ''The Faerie Queene'' as a book suitable for reading in a heavy volume, at a table—a book to which limp leather is insulting—a massy, antique story with a blackletter flavour about it—a book for devout, prolonged, and leisurely perusal.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], 'Edmund Spenser', from ''Fifteen Poets'' (London: Oxford University Press, 1941); in ''Studies in Medieval and Renaissance Literature'', ed. Walter Hooper (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1966), pp. 146–147


* ''The Faery Queen'', it is said, has never been read to the end.
** [[Virginia Woolf]], &quot;The Faery Queen&quot;, in ''The Moment and Other Essays'' (1947)


[[File:Virginia Woolf 1927.jpg|thumb|&quot;The first essential is, of course, not to read ''The Faery Queen''.&quot;—[[Virginia Woolf]]. 1947.]]
* The first essential is, of course, not to read ''The Faery Queen''.
** [[Virginia Woolf]], &quot;The Faery Queen&quot;, in ''The Moment and Other Essays'' (1947); quoted in ''Reading and Not Reading The Faerie Queene'' by Catherine Nicholson (Princeton University Press, 2020), p. 1


[[File:The reading boy - Joshua Reynolds.jpg|thumb|&quot;From the time of its publication down to about 1914 it was everyone's poem—the book in which many and many a boy first discovered that he liked poetry; a book which spoke at once, like Homer or Shakespeare or Dickens, to every reader's imagination.&quot;—[[C. S. Lewis]]. 1954.]]
* From the time of its publication down to about 1914 it was everyone's poem—the book in which many and many a boy first discovered that he liked poetry; a book which spoke at once, like [[Homer]] or [[Shakespeare]] or [[Dickens]], to every reader's imagination. Spenser did not rank as a hard poet like [[Pindar]], [[Donne]], or [[Robert Browning|Browning]]. How we have lost that approach I do not know. And unfortunately ''The Faerie Queene'' suffers even more than most great works from being approached through the medium of commentaries and &quot;literary history.&quot; These all demand from us a sophisticated, self-conscious frame of mind. But then, when we have used all these aids, we discover that the poem itself demands exactly the opposite response. Its primary appeal is to the most naïve and innocent tastes: to that level of our consciousness which is divided only by the thinnest veil from the immemorial lights and glooms of the collective Unconscious itself. It demands of us a child's love of marvels and dread of bogies, a boy's thirst for adventures, a young man's passion for physical beauty. If you have lost or cannot re-arouse these attitudes, all the commentaries, all your scholarship about &quot;the Renaissance&quot; or &quot;Platonism&quot; or [[Elizabeth I|Elizabeth]]'s Irish policy, will not avail. The poem is a great palace, but the door into it is so low that you must stoop to go in. No prig can be a Spenserian. It is of course much more than a fairy-tale, but unless we can enjoy it as a fairy-tale first of all, we shall not really care for it.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], ''Studies in Medieval Literature and Renaissance'', &quot;Edmund Spenser, 1552–99&quot; (1954), pp. 132–133; as quoted in ''The Quotable Lewis'', ed. Jerry Root and ‎Wayne Martindale (Wheaton, Illinois: Tyndale House, 2012), pp. 562–563


[[File:CS Lewis photo on dust jacket.jpg|thumb|&quot;I never meet a man who says that he ''used to'' like the ''Faerie Queene''.&quot;—[[C. S. Lewis]]. 1954.]]
* I never meet a man who says that he ''used to'' like the ''Faerie Queene''.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], ''English Literature in the Sixteenth Century'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1954), p. 393 


[[File:Holiness defeats Error (Crane 1895-1897).jpg|thumb|&quot;''The Faerie Queene'' is perhaps the most difficult poem in English. Quite how difficult, I am only now beginning to realize after forty years of reading it.&quot;—[[C. S. Lewis]]. 1967.]]
* ''The Faerie Queene'' is perhaps the most difficult poem in English. Quite how difficult, I am only now beginning to realize after forty years of reading it.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], ''Spenser's Images of Life'' (1967), ed. Alastair Fowler, Introduction


* Adverse criticism of the stories in ''The Faerie Queene'' is usually based on a false expectation. Both the complaints against &quot;faceless knights&quot; and those against &quot;characters with no insides&quot; come alike from readers who are looking for a novelistic-like interest. But it is quite wrong to approach the poem with this demand; for Spenser never meant to supply it. Occasionally, of course, he makes a very brief approach to the kind of fiction now valued in the novel. [...] We should never concentrate, however, on passages such as these. It is always a great mistake to value a work of one kind for its occasional slight approximations to some other kind which happens to be preferred. If we can't learn to like a work of art for what it is, we had best give it up. There is no point in trying to twist it or force it into a form it was never meant to have. And certainly to read ''The Faerie Queene'' as a novel is perverse and unrewarding enough. It is like going to a [[Mozart]] opera just for the spoken bits.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], ''Spenser's Images of Life'' (1967), ch. 8, p. 113; as quoted in ''The Quotable Lewis'', ed. Jerry Root and ‎Wayne Martindale (Wheaton, Illinois: Tyndale House, 2012), p. 565


* ''The Faerie Queene'' never loses a reader it has once gained. [...] Once you have become an inhabitant of its world, being tired of it is like being tired of London, or of life.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], ''Spenser's Images of Life'' (1967), ch. X.2, para. 8, p. 140; quoted in ''The Quotable Lewis'', ed. Jerry Root and ‎Wayne Martindale (Wheaton, Illinois: Tyndale House, 2012), p. 566


* ''The Faerie Queene'' is not meant to be understood but to be possessed.
** Albert Charles Hamilton, 'The Faerie Queene', in ''Critical Approaches to Six Major English Works'', ed. R. M. Lumiansky and Herschel Baker (Philadelphia, PA, 1968), 132–166, 161; as quoted in Hazel Wilkinson's ''Edmund Spenser and the Eighteenth-Century Book'' (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press), Introduction, p. 2


* ''The Faerie Queene'' is the most extended and extensive meditation on sex in the history of poetry.
** [[Camille Paglia]], ''Sexual Personae'' (1990), p. 188


* There has been and continue to be controversy about the nature and status of to be sex in ''The Faerie Queene''. Most criticism assumes that what Spenser says is what he means. But a poet may not always be master of his own poem, for imagination can overwhelms moral intention. Some of the poetically strongest and most fully realized material in ''The Faerie Queene'' is pornographic. Like [[William Blake|Blake]]'s [[John Milton|Milton]], Spenser may be one of the devil's party without knowing it. In a paradox cherished by [[Marquis de Sade|Sade]] and [[Charles Baudelaire|Baudelaire]], the presence of moral sexual law and taboo intensifies the luxury of evil. A great poet always has profound ambivalences and obscurities whose motivation criticism has scarcely begun to study in this case. ''The Faerie Queene'' is didactic but also self-pleasuring. Not despite the complexity of erotic response, Spenser was a sexual psychologist of the first rank, surpassed only by [[Sigmund Freud|Freud]] and [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]]. His treatment of erotic archetype, and perversion, dream, civilization, fantasy, obsession, and sacrifice lifts ''The Faerie Queene'' out of national into world literature.
** [[Camille Paglia]], in ''The Spenser Encyclopedia'', ed. A. C. Hamilton (Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1990), p. 641; quoted in [[w:John Lennard|John Lennard]]'s ''Of Sex and Faerie'' (Tirril: Humanities-Ebooks LLP, 2010), pp. 119–120

== Bibliography ==
* ''The Faerie Queene'' (1st ed., 1590; 2nd ed., 1596; 3rd ed., 1609)
* ''Spenser's Faerie Queene. A New Edition with a Glossary, And Notes explanatory and critical'', ed. [[w:John Upton (Spenser editor)|John Upton]], Vols. I–II (London: Printed for J. and R. Tonson, 1758)
* ''Spenser and his Poetry'', by [[w:George Lillie Craik|George Lillie Craik]], Vols. I–III (London: Charles Knight &amp; Co., 1845)
* ''The Canterbury Tales and Faerie Queene, with other poems of Chaucer and Spenser, edited for popular perusal, with current illustrative and explanatory notes'', by D. Laing Purves (Edinburgh: William P. Nimmo, 1874)
* ''The Elizabethan Birthday Book'' (London: Seeley, Jackson &amp; Halliday, 1876)
* ''A Complete Dictionary of Poetical Quotations'', ed. [[Sarah Josepha Hale]] (Philadelphia: E. Claxton &amp; Co., 1881)
* ''Familiar Quotations'', ed. [[w:John Bartlett (publisher)|John Bartlett]], 9th ed. (Boston: Little, Brown &amp; Co., 1895)
* ''The Cyclopedia of Practical Quotations'', ed. Jehiel Keeler Hoyt, ''a new edition, revised, corrected and enlarged'' (New York: Funk and Wagnalls, 1896)
* ''A Popular Manual of English Literature'', by [[w:Maude Gillette Phillips|Maude Gillette Phillips]], Vol. I (New York: Harper &amp; Brothers, 1897)
&lt;!--* ''Fierce Wars and Faithful Loves: Edmund Spenser's ''The Faerie Queene'', Book I'', ed. Roy Maynard (Moscow, Idaho: Canon Press, 1999)--&gt;
* ''The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations'', ed. Elizabeth M. Knowles, 5th ed. (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1999)

== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{commonscat-inline}}
* {{wikisource-inline}}

&lt;!--* [http://spenserians.cath.vt.edu/AuthorRecord.php?&amp;method=GET&amp;recordid=24 Edmund Spenser], ''The Faerie Queen'' at spenserians.cath.vt.edu--&gt;

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[[File:Faerie Queene Title Page.jpg|thumb|So dark are earthly things compared to things divine.]]
'''''[[w:The Faerie Queene|The Faerie Queene]]''''' is an incomplete English [[w:Epic poetry|epic poem]] by [[Edmund Spenser]]. Books I to III were first published in 1590, and then republished, with alterations, together with books IV to VI, in 1596. The Mutability cantos, which appear to be part of a fragmentary Book VII, were first published in 1609.

== Quotations ==
[[File:The Faerie Queene frontispiece.jpg|thumb|The general end of all the book is to fashion a gentleman or noble person in virtuous and gentle discipline.]]
:&lt;small&gt;'''Note on the text''': Quotations are presented in both the orthography of the original editions (to preserve Spenser's archaism and the poem's antique flavor) and in modern spelling and punctuation (to make them more readily comprehensible).&lt;!-- Modernizing Spenser's spelling is common practice in authoritative quotation anthologies, such as ''The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations''. --&gt;The modernized text and the occasional explanatory notes are based mainly on &lt;!--G. L. Craik's ''Spenser and his Poetry'' (1845) and D. Laing --&gt;Purves' edition&lt;!-- of ''The Faerie Queene'' (1874)--&gt; (see Bibliography).&lt;!-- In the opinion of Craik, &quot;The reproduction of the poetry of Spenser in that antiquated spelling is really for the greater part as unnecessary and absurd as would be such a reproduction of Shakespeare or of the Bible. It has not in the generality of instances any advantage even for critical purposes. To preserve this old spelling is in nine cases out of ten merely to perpetuate the blunders or caprices of the printer&quot; (''Spenser and his Poetry'', Vol. I, p. 41). The editors of the Penguin Classics edition (1978), Thomas Roche and C. Patrick O'Donnell, however, believed that the poem's old orthography and punctuation are &quot;integral&quot; to its meaning. Thus, the spelling of the original editions is also presented for the reader's consideration.--&gt; Quotations in '''bold''' are those most widely and frequently quoted.&lt;/small&gt;

=== Books I–III (1590) ===
==== Book I ====
[[File:Edmund Spenser oil painting.JPG|thumb|Fierce wars and faithful loves shall moralize my song.]]
* ''Fierce warres and faithfull loues shall moralize my song.''
** '''Fierce wars and faithful loves shall moralize my song.'''
*** Bk. I, Proem, stanza 1
*** Compare:
**** That not in fancy's maze he wandered long,&lt;br /&gt;But stooped to truth, and moralized his song.
***** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot'' (1735), lines 333–334


[[File:Una and the Red Cross Knight.jpg|thumb|A gentle knight was pricking on the plain.]]
* ''A Gentle Knight was pricking on the plaine.''
** '''A gentle knight was pricking on the plain.'''
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 1
*** Note: ''pricking''=spurring, riding


[[File:Una and the Red Cross Knight - Walter Jenks Morgan.png|thumb|And on his breast a bloody cross he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The dear remembrance of his dying Lord.]]
* ''And on his brest a bloodie Crosse he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The deare remembrance of his dying Lord,&lt;br /&gt;For whose sweete sake that glorious badge he wore.''
** And on his breast a bloody cross he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The dear remembrance of his dying Lord,&lt;br /&gt;For whose sweet sake that glorious badge he wore.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 2
*** The 2nd edition (1596) has &quot;But&quot; instead of &quot;And&quot;:
**** ''But on his brest a bloudie Crosse he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The deare remembrance of his dying Lord.''
***** But on his breast a bloody cross he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The dear remembrance of his dying Lord.


[[File:George Frederic Watts - Una and the Red Cross (study).jpg|thumb|But of his cheer did seem too solemn sad;&lt;br /&gt;Yet nothing did he dread, but ever was ydrad.]]
* ''Right faithfull true he was in deede and word,&lt;br /&gt;But of his cheere did seeme too solemne sad;&lt;br /&gt;Yet nothing did he dread, but euer was ydrad.''
** Right faithful true he was in deed and word;&lt;br /&gt;But of his cheer did seem too solemn sad;&lt;br /&gt;Yet nothing did he dread, but ever was ydrad.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 2
*** Note: ''ydrad''=dreaded, feared


* ''So pure and innocent, as that same lambe,&lt;br /&gt;She was in life and euery vertuous lore,&lt;br /&gt;And by descent from Royall lynage came&lt;br /&gt;Of ancient Kinges and Queenes, that had of yore&lt;br /&gt;Their scepters stretcht from East to Westerne shore.''
** So pure and innocent, as that same lamb,&lt;br /&gt;She was in life and every virtuous lore;&lt;br /&gt;And by descent from royal lineage came&lt;br /&gt;Of ancient kings and queens, that had of yore&lt;br /&gt;Their sceptres stretched from east to western shore.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 5; of Una


* ''And all within were pathes and alleies wide,&lt;br /&gt;With footing worne, and leading inward farr.''
** And all within were paths and alleys wide,&lt;br /&gt;With footing worn, and leading inward far.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 7


[[File:Eleanor Fortescue Brickdale's Golden book of famous women (1919) - Una and The Red Cross Knight (p. 143).jpg|thumb|Much can they praise the trees so straight and high:&lt;br /&gt;The sailing pine; the cedar, proud and tall;&lt;br /&gt;The vine-prop elm; the poplar, never dry;&lt;br /&gt;The builder oak, sole king of forests all;&lt;br /&gt;The aspen, good for staves; the cypress, funeral.]]
* &lt;p&gt;''And foorth they passe, with pleasure forward led,&lt;br /&gt;Ioying to heare the birdes sweete harmony,&lt;br /&gt;Which therein shrouded from the tempest dred,&lt;br /&gt;Seemd in their song to scorne the cruell sky.&lt;br /&gt;Much can they praise the trees so straight and hy,&lt;br /&gt;The sayling Pine, the Cedar proud and tall,&lt;br /&gt;The vine-propp Elme, the Poplar neuer dry,&lt;br /&gt;The builder Oake, sole king of forrests all,&lt;br /&gt;The Aspine good for staues, the Cypresse funerall.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''The Laurell, meed of mightie Conquerours&lt;br /&gt;And Poets sage, the Firre that weepeth still,&lt;br /&gt;The Willow worne of forlorne Paramours,&lt;br /&gt;The Eugh obedient to the benders will,&lt;br /&gt;The Birch for shaftes, the Sallow for the mill,&lt;br /&gt;The Mirrhe sweete bleeding in the bitter wound,&lt;br /&gt;The warlike Beech, the Ash for nothing ill,&lt;br /&gt;The fruitfull Oliue, and the Platane round,&lt;br /&gt;The caruer Holme, the Maple seeldom inward sound.''&lt;/p&gt;
** &lt;p&gt;And forth they pass, with pleasure forward led,&lt;br /&gt;Joying to hear the birds' sweet harmony,&lt;br /&gt;Which, therein shrouded from the tempest dread,&lt;br /&gt;Seemed in their song to scorn the cruel sky.&lt;br /&gt;Much can they praise the trees so straight and high:&lt;br /&gt;The sailing pine; the cedar, proud and tall;&lt;br /&gt;The vine-prop elm; the poplar, never dry;&lt;br /&gt;The builder oak, sole king of forests all;&lt;br /&gt;The aspen, good for staves; the cypress, funeral;&lt;/p&gt;The laurel, meed of mighty conquerors&lt;br /&gt;And poets sage; the fir, that weepeth still;&lt;br /&gt;The willow, worn of forlorn paramours;&lt;br /&gt;The yew, obedient to the binder's will;&lt;br /&gt;The birch, for shafts; the sallow, for the mill;&lt;br /&gt;The myrrh, sweet-bleeding in the bitter wound;&lt;br /&gt;The warlike beech; the ash, for nothing ill;&lt;br /&gt;The fruitful olive, and the plantain round;&lt;br /&gt;The carver holm; the maple, seldom inward sound.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanzas 8–9; the catalogue of trees in the Wandering Wood
*** Note: ''The sailing [[w:Pine|pine]]''—so called from being used for the masts of ships (cf. [[Virgil]], ''Georgics'' [29 BCE], 2.443: ''navigiis pinus'' [Loeb trans.: &quot;pines for ships&quot;]); ''meed''=reward; ''forlorn paramours''=abandoned lovers; ''The [[w:Taxus|yew]], obedient to the binder's will''—when made into bows; ''shafts''=arrows; ''The [[w:Sallow|sallow]], for the mill''—for the sails of windmills; ''The [[w:Commiphora myrrha|myrrh]], sweet, bleeding in the bitter wound''—the incision made in the bark of the myrrh tree to extract its aromatic resin; ''The warlike [[w:Beech|beech]]''—so called from being used for the shafts of spears; ''plantain''=[[w:Platanus|plane-tree]]; ''The carver [[w:Quercus ilex|holm]]''—the holly, suitable for carving
*** Compare:
**** ''The bilder ook, and eek the hardy asshe;&lt;br /&gt;The piler elm, the cofre unto careyne;&lt;br /&gt;The boxtree piper; holm to whippes lasshe;&lt;br /&gt;The sayling firr; the cipres, deth to pleyne;&lt;br /&gt;The sheter ew, the asp for shaftes pleyne;&lt;br /&gt;The olyve of pees, and eek the drunken vyne,&lt;br /&gt;The victor palm, the laurer to devyne.''
***** The builder oak, and eke the hardy ash;&lt;br /&gt;The pillar elm, the coffer unto carrain;&lt;br /&gt;The box-tree piper; holm to whip's lash;&lt;br /&gt;The sailing fir; the cypress, death to plain;&lt;br /&gt;The shooter yew; the asp for shafts plain;&lt;br /&gt;The olive of peace, and eke the drunken vine;&lt;br /&gt;The victor palm; the laurel, too, divine.
****** [[Geoffrey Chaucer]], ''[[w:Parlement of Foules|Parlement of Foules]]'' (c. 1382), lines 176–182
**** ''Cadit ardua fagus,&lt;br /&gt;Chaoniumque nemus, brumaeque inlaesa cupressus;&lt;br /&gt;Procumbunt piceae, flammis alimenta supremis,&lt;br /&gt;Ornique, iliceaeque trabes, metuendaque suco&lt;br /&gt;Taxus, et infandos belli potura cruores&lt;br /&gt;Fraxinus, atque situ non expugnabile robur:&lt;br /&gt;Hinc audax abies, et odoro uulnere pinus&lt;br /&gt;Scinditur, adclinant intonsa cacumina terrae&lt;br /&gt;Alnus amica fretis, nec inhospita uitibus ulmus.''
***** Great beeches fell, as did old oaks and cypresses&lt;br /&gt;that winter does not harm. Pitch pines were hewn&lt;br /&gt;to feed the funeral flame; and mountain ash&lt;br /&gt;and trunks of holm oak, yews with poison sap,&lt;br /&gt;and those ash trees that drink cursed blood in wars&lt;br /&gt;as well as oaks impervious to rot.&lt;br /&gt;They cleaved the daring firs, the pines whose wounds&lt;br /&gt;are scented, vine-propped elms, and alder trees&lt;br /&gt;that lower to the earth their unshorn branches.
****** [[Statius]], ''[[Thebaid]]'' (c. 92 CE), Book VI, lines 98–106 ([[w:Charles Stanley Ross|Charles Stanley Ross]]'s 2004 John Hopkins UP translation)


* ''Oft fire is without smoke,&lt;br /&gt;And perill without show.''
** '''Oft fire is without smoke''',&lt;br /&gt;And peril without show.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 12


[[File:The Red Cross Knight enters the Monster's Cave.png|thumb|Virtue gives herself light through darkness for to wade.]]
* ''Vertue giues her selfe light, through darkenesse for to wade.''
** &quot;Virtue gives herself light through darkness for to wade.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 12; spoken by the Red Cross Knight


* ''His glistring armor made&lt;br /&gt;A litle glooming light, much like a shade.''
** His glistening armour made&lt;br /&gt;A little glooming light, much like a shade.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 14
*** Compare:
**** Where glowing embers through the room&lt;br /&gt;Teach light to counterfeit a gloom.
***** [[John Milton]], ''Il Penseroso'' (c. 1631), line 79


* ''God helpe the man so wrapt in Errours endlesse traine.''
** God help the man so wrapt in Error's endless train!
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 18
*** Note: ''train''=tail, deceit (according to [[w:John Upton (Spenser editor)|Upton]]'s notes to the ''Faerie Queene'', 1758, Vol. II, p. 343)


[[File:The Wood of Error.jpg|thumb|Add [[faith]] unto your force.]]
* ''His Lady sad to see his sore constraint,&lt;br /&gt;Cride out, Now now Sir knight, shew what ye bee&lt;br /&gt;Add faith vnto your force, and be not faint:&lt;br /&gt;Strangle her, els she sure will strangle thee.''
** His lady, sad to see his sore constraint,&lt;br /&gt;Cried out, &quot;Now, now, Sir Knight, show what ye be;&lt;br /&gt;Add faith unto your force, and be not faint;&lt;br /&gt;Strangle her, else she sure will strangle thee.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 19; the lady Una (whose name means &quot;One&quot; in Latin, and who represents truth) gives this advice to the Red Cross Knight ([[w:Saint George|Saint George]], who represents holiness), as he faces the monster Error


* ''For what so strong,&lt;br /&gt;But wanting rest will also want of might?&lt;br /&gt;The Sunne that measures heauen all day long,&lt;br /&gt;At night doth baite his steedes the ''Ocean'' waues emong.''
** &quot;For what so strong,&lt;br /&gt;But, wanting rest, will also want of might?&lt;br /&gt;The sun, that measures heaven all day long,&lt;br /&gt;At night doth bait his steeds the ocean waves among.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 32; spoken by Una
*** Note: ''wanting''=lacking, needing; ''bait''=feed, refresh


[[File:Edmund Spenser, engraved by Burnet Reading.jpg|thumb|The noblest mind the best contentment has.]]
* The noblest mind the best contentment has.
** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 35


[[File:Unaredcrossknigh00spen 0039.jpg|thumb|A bold bad man.]]
* ''A bold bad man, that dar'd to call by name&lt;br /&gt;Great ''Gorgon'', prince of darknes and dead night.''
** '''A bold bad man''', that dared to call by name&lt;br /&gt;[[w:Demogorgon|Great Gorgon]], prince of darkness and dead night.
*** Bk. I, Canto I, stanza 37
*** Compare:
**** This bold bad man.
***** [[Shakespeare]], ''[[Henry VIII (play)|Henry VIII]]'' (c. 1613), Act II, scene 2


* ''The Northerne wagoner had set&lt;br /&gt;His seuenfold teme behind the stedfast starre.''
** The northern wagoner had set&lt;br /&gt;His sevenfold team behind the steadfast star.
*** Bk. I, Canto II, stanza 1


* ''Will was his guide, and griefe led him astray.''
** Will was his guide, and grief led him astray.
*** Bk. I, Canto II, stanza 12; of the Red Cross Knight


* ''Better new friend then an old foe''.
** Better new friend than an old foe.
*** Bk. I, Canto II, stanza 27


* ''Nought is there vnder heau'ns wide hollownesse,&lt;br /&gt;That moues more deare compassion of mind,&lt;br /&gt;Then beautie brought t'vnworthie wretchednesse&lt;br /&gt;Through enuies snares or fortunes freakes vnkind.''
** Nought is there under heaven's wide hollowness&lt;br /&gt;That moves more dear compassion of mind&lt;br /&gt;Than beauty brought to unworthy wretchedness&lt;br /&gt;Through envy's snares or fortune's freaks unkind.
*** Bk. I, Canto III, stanza 1


[[File:William Bell Scott - Una and the Lion.jpg|thumb|Her angel's face,&lt;br /&gt;As the great eye of heaven, shined bright,&lt;br /&gt;And '''made a sunshine in the shady place.''']]
* ''Her angels face&lt;br /&gt;As the great eye of heauen shyned bright,&lt;br /&gt;And made a sunshine in the shady place;&lt;br /&gt;Did neuer mortall eye behold such heauenly grace.''
** '''Her angel's face,&lt;br /&gt;As the great eye of heaven, shined bright,&lt;br /&gt;And made a sunshine in the shady place''';&lt;br /&gt;Did never mortal eye behold such heavenly grace.
*** Bk. I, Canto III, stanza 4; description of Una


[[File:Richard Westall - Una and the lion.webp|thumb|alt=Una and the lion from Spenser's Faerie Queene|O how can beauty master the most strong,&lt;br /&gt;And simple truth subdue avenging wrong!]]
* ''O how can beautie maister the most strong,&lt;br /&gt;And simple truth subdue auenging wrong?''
** O how can beauty master the most strong,&lt;br /&gt;And simple truth subdue avenging wrong!
*** Bk. I, Canto III, stanza 6


[[File:Leighton-God Speed!.jpg|thumb|One loving hour&lt;br /&gt;For many years of sorrow can dispense;&lt;br /&gt;A dram of sweet is worth a pound of sour.]]
* ''One louing howre&lt;br /&gt;For many yeares of sorrow can dispence:&lt;br /&gt;A dram of sweete is worth a pound of sowre.''
** One loving hour&lt;br /&gt;For many years of sorrow can dispense;&lt;br /&gt;A dram of sweet is worth a pound of sour.
*** Bk. I, Canto III, stanza 30
*** Note: ''dispense''=compensate, make amends


[[File:The House of Pride.jpg|thumb|And all the hinder parts, that few could spy,&lt;br /&gt;Were ruinous and old, but painted cunningly.]]
* ''A stately Pallace built of squared bricke,&lt;br /&gt;Which cunningly was without morter laid,&lt;br /&gt;Whose wals were high, but nothing strong, nor thick&lt;br /&gt;And golden foile all ouer them displaid,&lt;br /&gt;That purest skye with brightnesse they dismaid.''
** A stately palace built of squared brick,&lt;br /&gt;Which cunningly was without mortar laid,&lt;br /&gt;Whose walls were high, but nothing strong, nor thick,&lt;br /&gt;And golden foil all over them displayed,&lt;br /&gt;That purest sky with brightness they dismayed.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 4; description of Lucifera's (i.e., [[Satan]]'s) palace—the house of Pride
*** Note: ''dismayed''=overpowered


* ''And all the hinder partes, that few could spie,&lt;br /&gt;Were ruinous and old, but painted cunningly.''
** And all the hinder parts, that few could spy,&lt;br /&gt;Were ruinous and old, but painted cunningly.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 5; the house of Pride
*** Note: ''hinder''=back, rear


* Idlenesse ''the nourse of sin.''
** Idleness, the nurse of Sin.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 18


* ''From worldly cares himselfe he did esloyne,&lt;br /&gt;And greatly shunned manly exercise,&lt;br /&gt;From euerie worke he chalenged essoyne,&lt;br /&gt;For contemplation sake: yet otherwise,&lt;br /&gt;His life he led in lawlesse riotise;&lt;br /&gt;By which he grew to grieuous malady;&lt;br /&gt;For in his lustlesse limbs through euill guise&lt;br /&gt;A shaking feuer raignd continually:&lt;br /&gt;Such one was'' Idlenesse.
** From worldly cares himself he did esloin,&lt;br /&gt;And greatly shunned manly exercise;&lt;br /&gt;For every work he challenged essoin,&lt;br /&gt;For contemplation sake; yet otherwise&lt;br /&gt;His life he led in lawless riotise,&lt;br /&gt;By which he grew to grievous malady:&lt;br /&gt;For in his lustless limbs through evil guise&lt;br /&gt;A shaking fever reigned continually:&lt;br /&gt;Such one was [[Idleness]].
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 20
*** Note: ''esloin''=withdraw; ''challenged essoin''=claimed exemption; ''riotise''=riot; ''malady''=sickness; ''lustless''=listless, feeble; ''guise''=behavior


[[File:Jacques Callot, The Seven Deadly Sins - Gluttony.JPG|thumb|And by his side rode loathsome Gluttony,&lt;br /&gt;Deformed creature, on a filthy swine.]]
* ''And by his side rode loathsome'' Gluttony'',&lt;br /&gt;Deformed creature, on a filthie swyne,&lt;br /&gt;His belly was vpblowne with luxury;&lt;br /&gt;And eke with fatnesse swollen were his eyne.''
** '''And by his side rode loathsome [[Gluttony]],&lt;br /&gt;Deformed creature, on a filthy swine''';&lt;br /&gt;His belly was up-blown with luxury;&lt;br /&gt;And eke with fatness swollen were his eyne.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 21
*** Note: ''eyne''=eyes


[[File:Ill dict infernal p0455 mammon.jpg|thumb|Whose plenty made him poor.]]
* &lt;p&gt;''And greedy'' Auarice ''by him did ride,&lt;br /&gt;Vppon a Camell loaden all with gold;&lt;br /&gt;Two iron coffets hong on either side,&lt;br /&gt;With precious metall full, as they might hold,&lt;br /&gt;And in his lap an heap of coine he told;&lt;br /&gt;For of his wicked pelpe his God he made,&lt;br /&gt;And vnto hell him selfe for money sold;&lt;br /&gt;Accursed vsury was all his trade,&lt;br /&gt;And right and wrong ylike in equall ballaunce waide.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''His life was nigh vnto deaths dore yplaste,&lt;br /&gt;And thred-bare cote, and cobled shoes hee ware,&lt;br /&gt;Ne scarse good morsell all his life did taste,&lt;br /&gt;But both from backe and belly still did spare,&lt;br /&gt;To fill his bags, and richesse to compare;&lt;br /&gt;Yet childe ne kinsman liuing had he none&lt;br /&gt;To leaue them to; but thorough daily care&lt;br /&gt;To get, and nightly feare to lose his owne,&lt;br /&gt;He led a wretched life vnto him selfe vnknowne.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''Most wretched wight, whom nothing might suffise,&lt;br /&gt;Whose greedy lust did lacke in greatest store,&lt;br /&gt;Whose need had end, but no end couetise,&lt;br /&gt;Whose welth was want, whose plēty made him pore,&lt;br /&gt;Who had enough, yett wished euer more.''&lt;/p&gt;
** &lt;p&gt;And greedy [[Avarice]] by him did ride&lt;br /&gt;Upon a camel loaden all with gold;&lt;br /&gt;Two iron coffers hung on either side,&lt;br /&gt;With precious metal full as they might hold;&lt;br /&gt;And in his lap a heap of coin he told;&lt;br /&gt;For of his wicked pelf his god he made,&lt;br /&gt;And unto hell himself for money sold;&lt;br /&gt;Accursed usury was all his trade;&lt;br /&gt;And right and wrong alike in equal balance weighed.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;His life was nigh unto death's door y-placed,&lt;br /&gt;And thread-bare coat and cobbled shoes he ware,&lt;br /&gt;Nor scarce good morsel all his life did taste;&lt;br /&gt;But both from back and belly still did spare,&lt;br /&gt;To fill his bags, and riches to compare;&lt;br /&gt;Yet child nor kinsman living had he none&lt;br /&gt;To leave them to; but thorough daily care&lt;br /&gt;To get, and nightly fear to lose his own,&lt;br /&gt;He led a wretched life unto himself unknown.&lt;/p&gt;Most wretched wight, whom nothing might suffice,&lt;br /&gt;Whose greedy lust did lack in greatest store,&lt;br /&gt;Whose need had end, but no end covetise,&lt;br /&gt;'''Whose wealth was want, whose plenty made him poor''',&lt;br /&gt;Who had enough, yet wished ever more.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanzas 27–29
*** Note: ''told''=counted; ''wicked pelf''=ill-gotten wealth, filthy lucre; ''compare'': procure (one of the meanings of the Latin ''comparare''), obtain; ''wight''=creature; ''covetise''=covetousness


* ''He hated all good workes and vertuous deeds,&lt;br /&gt;And him no lesse, that any like did vse,&lt;br /&gt;And who with gratious bread the hungry feeds,&lt;br /&gt;His almes for want of faith he doth accuse;&lt;br /&gt;So euery good to bad he doth abuse:&lt;br /&gt;And eke the verse of famous Poets witt&lt;br /&gt;He does backebite, and spightfull poison spues&lt;br /&gt;From leprous mouth on all, that euer writt:&lt;br /&gt;Such one vile'' Enuy ''was, that first in row did sitt.''
** He hated all good works and virtuous deeds,&lt;br /&gt;And him no less, that any like did use,&lt;br /&gt;And who with gracious bread the hungry feeds,&lt;br /&gt;His alms for want of faith he doth accuse;&lt;br /&gt;So every good to bad he doth abuse;&lt;br /&gt;And eke the verse of famous poets' wit&lt;br /&gt;He does backbite, and spiteful poison spews&lt;br /&gt;From leprous mouth on all that ever writ:&lt;br /&gt;Such one vile [[Envy]] was, that first in row did sit.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 32
*** Note: ''row''=order


[[File:Jheronimus Bosch Table of the Mortal Sins (Ira).jpg|thumb|Full many mischiefs follow cruel wrath:&lt;br /&gt;Abhorred bloodshed and tumultuous strife,&lt;br /&gt;Unmanly murder and unthrifty scath.]]
[[File:019 Sadness and grief symbol - statue at Vienna Zentralfriedhof Cemetery.jpg|thumb|Fretting grief, the enemy of life.]]
* ''Full many mischiefes follow cruell'' Wrath'';&lt;br /&gt;Abhorred bloodshed, and tumultuous strife,&lt;br /&gt;Vn manly murder, and vnthrifty scath,&lt;br /&gt;Bitter despight, with rancours rusty knife,&lt;br /&gt;And fretting griefe the enemy of life;&lt;br /&gt;All these, and many euils moe haunt ire,&lt;br /&gt;The swelling Splene, and Frenzy raging rife,&lt;br /&gt;The shaking Palsey, and Saint'' Fraunces ''fire:&lt;br /&gt;Such one was'' Wrath'', the last of this vngodly tire.''
** Full many mischiefs follow cruel [[Anger|Wrath]];&lt;br /&gt;Abhorred Bloodshed and tumultuous Strife,&lt;br /&gt;Unmanly Murder and unthrifty Scath,&lt;br /&gt;Bitter Despite, with Rancour's rusty knife,&lt;br /&gt;And '''fretting Grief, the enemy of life''';&lt;br /&gt;All these and many evils more haunt Ire,&lt;br /&gt;The swelling Spleen and Frenzy raging rife,&lt;br /&gt;The shaking Palsy and Saint Francis' fire:&lt;br /&gt;Such one was Wrath, the last of this ungodly tire.
*** Bk. I, Canto IV, stanza 35
*** Note: ''scath''=harm, mischief; ''Saint Francis' fire''=Saint Anthony's fire (according to [[w:John Upton (Spenser editor)|Upton]]'s glossary), [[w:erysipelas|erysipelas]]; ''tire''=row, procession (referring to the pageant of the [[w:Seven deadly sins|Seven Deadly Sins]])


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14803337333).jpg|thumb|The noble heart that harbours virtuous thought,&lt;br /&gt;And is with child of glorious-great intent,&lt;br /&gt;Can never rest until it forth have brought&lt;br /&gt;The eternal brood of glory excellent.]]
* ''The noble hart, that harbours vertuous thought,&lt;br /&gt;And is with childe of glorious great intent,&lt;br /&gt;Can neuer rest, vntill it forth haue brought&lt;br /&gt;Th'eternall brood of glorie excellent.''
** '''The noble heart, that harbours virtuous thought,&lt;br /&gt;And is with child of glorious, great intent,&lt;br /&gt;Can never rest until it forth have brought&lt;br /&gt;The eternal brood of glory excellent.'''
*** Bk. I, Canto V, stanza 1


[[File:C solarcorona2003.gif|thumb|At last, the golden oriental gate&lt;br /&gt;Of greatest heaven 'gan to open fair,&lt;br /&gt;And Phoebus, fresh as bridegroom to his mate,&lt;br /&gt;Came dancing forth, shaking his dewy hair,&lt;br /&gt;And hurled his glistering beams through gloomy air.]]
* ''At last the golden Orientall gate&lt;br /&gt;Of greatest heauen gan to open fayre,&lt;br /&gt;And'' Phoebus ''fresh, as brydegrome to his mate,&lt;br /&gt;Came dauncing forth, shaking his deawie hayre:,&lt;br /&gt;And hurls his glistring beams through gloomy ayre.''
** At last the golden oriental gate&lt;br /&gt;Of greatest heaven 'gan to open fair,&lt;br /&gt;And Phoebus, fresh as bridegroom to his mate,&lt;br /&gt;Came dancing forth, shaking his dewy hair,&lt;br /&gt;And hurled his glistering beams through gloomy air.
*** Bk. I, Canto V, stanza 2
*** Compare:
**** In them hath He set a tabernacle for the sun, which cometh forth as a bridegroom out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a giant to run his course.
***** [[Psalm]] 19:5 ([[Myles Coverdale|Coverdale]]'s translation of 1535)
**** See how the morning opes her golden gates,&lt;br /&gt;And takes her farewell of the glorious sun!&lt;br /&gt;How well resembles it the prime of youth,&lt;br /&gt;Trimmed like a younker prancing to his love!
***** [[Shakespeare]], ''[[Henry VI, Part 3]]'' (c. 1591) , Act II, scene 2


[[File:Crocodylus porosus - Eye - Wilhelma.jpg|thumb|A cruel crafty crocodile,&lt;br /&gt;Which in false grief hiding his harmful guile,&lt;br /&gt;Doth weep full sore, and sheddeth tender tears.]]
* ''A cruell craftie Crocodile,&lt;br /&gt;Which in false griefe hyding his harmefull guile,&lt;br /&gt;Doth weepe full sore, and sheddeth tender teares.''
** A cruel crafty crocodile,&lt;br /&gt;Which in false grief hiding his harmful guile,&lt;br /&gt;Doth weep full sore, and sheddeth tender tears.
*** Bk. I, Canto V, stanza 18


* ''Where griesly'' Night'', with visage deadly sad,&lt;br /&gt;That'' Phoebus ''chearefull face durst neuer vew,&lt;br /&gt;And in a foule blacke pitchy mantle clad,&lt;br /&gt;She findes forth comming from her darksome mew,&lt;br /&gt;Where she all day did hide her hated hew.&lt;br /&gt;Before the dore her yron charet stood,&lt;br /&gt;Already harnessed for iourney new;&lt;br /&gt;And coleblacke steedes yborne of hellish brood,&lt;br /&gt;That on their rusty bits did champ, as they were wood.''
** Where grisly [[Night]], with visage deadly sad,&lt;br /&gt;That Phoebus' cheerful face dares never view,&lt;br /&gt;And in a foul black pitchy mantle clad,&lt;br /&gt;She finds forth coming from her darksome mew,&lt;br /&gt;Where she all day did hide her hated hue:&lt;br /&gt;Before the door her iron chariot stood,&lt;br /&gt;Already harnessed for journey new;&lt;br /&gt;And coal-black steeds yborn of hellish brood,&lt;br /&gt;That on their rusty bits did champ, as they were wood.
*** Bk. I, Canto V, stanza 20


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14783473115).jpg|thumb|Who can turn the stream of destiny?]]
* ''But who can turne the streame of destinee,&lt;br /&gt;Or breake the chayne of strong necessitee.''
** But who can turn the stream of destiny,&lt;br /&gt;Or break the chain of strong necessity?
*** Bk. I, Canto V, stanza 25


* ''That cruell word her tender hart so thrild,&lt;br /&gt;That suddein cold did ronne through euery vaine,&lt;br /&gt;And stony horrour all her sences fild&lt;br /&gt;With dying fitt, that downe she fell for paine.''
** That cruel word her tender heart so thrilled&lt;br /&gt;That sudden cold did run through every vein,&lt;br /&gt;And stony horror all her senses filled,&lt;br /&gt;With dying fit, that down she fell for pain.
*** Bk. I, Canto VI, stanza 37


* ''Therewith they gan, both furious and fell,&lt;br /&gt;To thunder blowes, and fiersly to assaile&lt;br /&gt;Each other, bent his enimy to quell,&lt;br /&gt;That with their force they perst both plate &amp; maile,&lt;br /&gt;And made wide furrowes in their fleshes fraile,&lt;br /&gt;That it would pitty any liuing eie.&lt;br /&gt;Large floods of blood adowne their sides did raile;&lt;br /&gt;But floods of blood could not them satisfie:&lt;br /&gt;Both hongred after death: both chose to win, or die.''
** Therewith they 'gan, both furious and fell,&lt;br /&gt;To thunder blows, and fiercely to assail&lt;br /&gt;Each other, bent his enemy to quell,&lt;br /&gt;That with their force they pierced both plate and mail,&lt;br /&gt;And made wide furrows in their fleshes frail,&lt;br /&gt;That it would pity any living eye.&lt;br /&gt;Large floods of blood adown their sides did rail;&lt;br /&gt;But floods of blood could not them satisfy:&lt;br /&gt;Both hungered after death; both chose to win, or die.
*** Bk. I, Canto VI, stanza 43


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14803329163).jpg|thumb|What man so wise, what earthly wit so ware,&lt;br /&gt;As to descry the crafty cunning train&lt;br /&gt;By which Deceit doth mask in visor fair,&lt;br /&gt;And cast her colours, dyed deep in grain,&lt;br /&gt;To seem like Truth, whose shape she well can feign?]]
* ''What man so wise, what earthly witt so ware,&lt;br /&gt;As to discry the crafty cunning traine,&lt;br /&gt;By which deceipt doth maske in visour faire,&lt;br /&gt;And cast her coulours died deepe in graine,&lt;br /&gt;To seeme like truth, whose shape she well can faine,&lt;br /&gt;And fitting gestures to her purpose frame;&lt;br /&gt;The guiltlesse man with guile to entertaine?''
** What man so wise, what earthly wit so ware,&lt;br /&gt;As to descry the crafty cunning train&lt;br /&gt;By which [[Deceit]] doth mask in visor fair,&lt;br /&gt;And cast her colours, dyed deep in grain,&lt;br /&gt;To seem like Truth, whose shape she well can feign,&lt;br /&gt;And fitting gestures to her purpose frame,&lt;br /&gt;The guiltless man with guile to entertain?
*** Bk. I, Canto VII, stanza 1
*** Note: ''ware''=cautious; ''train''=snare; ''cast''=contrive, arrange


* ''Who hath endur'd the whole, can beare ech part.''
** Who hath endured the whole, can bear each part.
*** Bk. I, Canto VII, stanza 25


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14781140054).jpg|thumb|What world's delight or joy of living speech&lt;br /&gt;Can heart so plunged in sea of sorrows deep&lt;br /&gt;And heaped with so huge misfortunes reach?]]
* ''What worlds delight, or ioy of liuing speach&lt;br /&gt;Can hart, so plungd in sea of sorrowes deep,&lt;br /&gt;And heaped with so huge misfortunes, reach?&lt;br /&gt;The carefull cold beginneth for to creep,&lt;br /&gt;And in my heart his yron arrow steep,&lt;br /&gt;Soone as I thinke vpon my bitter bale.''
** &quot;What world's delight, or joy of living speech,&lt;br /&gt;Can heart, so plunged in sea of sorrows deep,&lt;br /&gt;And heaped with so huge misfortunes, reach?&lt;br /&gt;The careful cold beginneth for to creep,&lt;br /&gt;And in my heart his iron arrow steep,&lt;br /&gt;Soon as I think upon my bitter bale.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto VII, stanza 39; Una sharing her troubles with Prince Arthur


* ''let me you intrete,&lt;br /&gt;For to vnfold the anguish of your hart:&lt;br /&gt;Mishaps are maistred by aduice discrete,&lt;br /&gt;And counsell mitigates the greatest smart.''
** &quot;Let me you entreat,&lt;br /&gt;For to unfold the anguish of your heart:&lt;br /&gt;Mishaps are mastered by [[advice]] discrete,&lt;br /&gt;And counsel mitigates the greatest smart.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto VII, stanza 40; Arthur comforting Una


* ''O but (qd. she) great griefe will not be tould,&lt;br /&gt;And can more easily be thought, then said.''
** &quot;O! but,&quot; quoth she, &quot;great grief will not be told,&lt;br /&gt;And can more easily be thought than said.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto VII, stanza 41
*** Note: ''quoth''=said


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14780346211).jpg|thumb|Ay me, how many perils do enfold&lt;br /&gt;The righteous man, to make him daily fall!]]
* ''Ay me, how many perils doe enfold&lt;br /&gt;The righteous man, to make him daily fall,&lt;br /&gt;Were not that heauenly grace doth him vphold,&lt;br /&gt;And stedfast truth acquite him out of all.''
** '''Ay me, how many perils do enfold&lt;br /&gt;The righteous man, to make him daily fall''',&lt;br /&gt;Were not that heavenly grace doth him uphold,&lt;br /&gt;And steadfast Truth acquit him out of all!
*** Bk. I, Canto VIII, stanza 1
*** Note: ''acquit''=rescue, set free


* ''As when in Cymbrian plaine&lt;br /&gt;An heard of Bulles, whom kindly rage doth sting,&lt;br /&gt;Doe for the milky mothers want complaine,&lt;br /&gt;And fill the fieldes with troublous bellowing.''
** As when in [[w:Cimbri|Cimbrian]] plain&lt;br /&gt;A herd of bulls, whom kindly rage doth sting,&lt;br /&gt;Do for the milky mothers' want complain,&lt;br /&gt;And fill the fields with troublous bellowing.
*** Bk. I, Canto VIII, stanza 11
*** Note: ''kindly''=according to kind (or nature), natural


* &lt;p&gt;''At last with creeping crooked pace forth came&lt;br /&gt;An old old man, with beard as white as snow,&lt;br /&gt;That on a staffe his feeble steps did frame,&lt;br /&gt;And guyde his wearie gate both too and fro;&lt;br /&gt;For his eye sight him fayled long ygo,&lt;br /&gt;And on his arme a bounch of keyes he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The which vnused rust did ouergrow:&lt;br /&gt;Those were the keyes of euery inner dore,&lt;br /&gt;But he could not them vse, but kept them still in store.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''But very vncouth sight was to behold,&lt;br /&gt;How he did fashion his vntoward pace,&lt;br /&gt;For as he forward mooud his footing old,&lt;br /&gt;So backward still was turnd his wrincled face,&lt;br /&gt;Vnlike to men, who euer as they trace,&lt;br /&gt;Both feet and face one way are wont to lead.&lt;br /&gt;This was the auncient keeper of that place,&lt;br /&gt;And foster father of the Gyaunt dead;&lt;br /&gt;His name'' Ignaro ''did his nature right aread.''&lt;/p&gt;
** &lt;p&gt;With creeping crooked pace forth came&lt;br /&gt;An old, old man, with beard as white as snow,&lt;br /&gt;That on a staff his feeble steps did frame,&lt;br /&gt;And guide his weary gait both to and fro,&lt;br /&gt;For his eyesight him failed long ago;&lt;br /&gt;And on his arm a bunch of keys he bore,&lt;br /&gt;The which, unused, rust did overgrow:&lt;br /&gt;Those were the keys of every inner door,&lt;br /&gt;But he could not them use, but kept them still in store.&lt;/p&gt;But very uncouth sight was to behold&lt;br /&gt;How he did fashion his untoward pace:&lt;br /&gt;For as he forward moved his footing old,&lt;br /&gt;So backward still was turned his wrinkled face,&lt;br /&gt;Unlike to men, who ever, as they trace,&lt;br /&gt;Both feet and face one way are wont to lead.&lt;br /&gt;This was the ancient keeper of that place,&lt;br /&gt;And foster father of the giant dead;&lt;br /&gt;His name [[Ignorance|Ignaro]] did his nature right aread.
*** Bk. I, Canto VIII, stanzas 30–31


* Entire affection hateth nicer hands.
** Bk. I, Canto VIII, stanza 40


* ''Good growes of euils priefe.&lt;br /&gt;The chearelesse man, whom sorow did dismay,&lt;br /&gt;Had no delight to treaten of his griefe;&lt;br /&gt;His long endured famine needed more reliefe.''
** &quot;Good grows of evil's prefe.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;The cheerless man, whom sorrow did dismay,&lt;br /&gt;Had no delight to treaten of his grief;&lt;br /&gt;His long-endured famine needed more relief.
*** Bk. I, Canto VIII, stanza 43
*** Note: ''prefe''=proof, experience


* ''Faire Lady, then said that victorious knight,&lt;br /&gt;The things, that grieuous were to doe, or beare,&lt;br /&gt;Them to renew, I wote, breeds no delight;&lt;br /&gt;Best musicke breeds delight in loathing eare:&lt;br /&gt;But th'only good, that growes of passed feare,&lt;br /&gt;Is to be wise, and ware of like agein.''
** &quot;Fair Lady,&quot; then said that victorious knight,&lt;br /&gt;&quot;The things that grievous were to do or bear,&lt;br /&gt;Them to renew, I wot, breeds no delight;&lt;br /&gt;Best music breeds dislike in loathing ear:&lt;br /&gt;But the only good that grows of passed fear&lt;br /&gt;Is to be wise, and ware of like again.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto VIII, stanza 44


* ''When I awoke, and found her place deuoyd,&lt;br /&gt;And nought but pressed gras where she had lyen,&lt;br /&gt;I sorrowed all so much, as earst I ioyd,&lt;br /&gt;And washed all her place with watry eyen.''
** When I awoke and found her place devoid,&lt;br /&gt;And naught but pressed grass where she had lain,&lt;br /&gt;I sorrowed all so much as erst I joyed,&lt;br /&gt;And washed all her place with watery eyne.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 15


* ''True Loues are oftẽ sown, but seldom grow on grownd.''
** True loves are often sown, but seldom grow on ground.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 16


* ''Still as he fledd, his eye was backward cast,&lt;br /&gt;As if his feare still followed him behynd;&lt;br /&gt;Als flew his steed, as he his bandes had brast,&lt;br /&gt;And with his winged heeles did tread the wynd,&lt;br /&gt;As he had beene a fole of'' Pegasus ''his kynd.''
** '''Still, as he fled, his eye was backward cast,&lt;br /&gt;As if his fear still followed him behind''';&lt;br /&gt;Also flew his steed, as he his bands had burst,&lt;br /&gt;And with his winged heels did tread the wind,&lt;br /&gt;As he had been a foal of Pegasus his kind.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 21


[[File:Füssli - The Cave of Despair, c. 1769.jpg|thumb|That darksome cave they enter, where they find&lt;br /&gt;That cursed man, low sitting on the ground,&lt;br /&gt;Musing full sadly in his sullen mind.]]
* ''That darkesome caue they enter, where they find&lt;br /&gt;That cursed man, low sitting on the ground,&lt;br /&gt;Musing full sadly in his sullein mind.''
** That darksome cave they enter, where they find&lt;br /&gt;That cursed man, low sitting on the ground,&lt;br /&gt;Musing full sadly in his sullen mind.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 35


* ''His raw-bone cheekes through penurie and pine,&lt;br /&gt;Were shronke into his iawes, as he did neuer dyne.''
** His raw-bone cheeks, through [[penury]] and pine,&lt;br /&gt;Were shrunk into his jaws, as he did never dine.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 35


[[File:Port after Stormy Seas.jpg|thumb|Sleep after toil, port after stormy seas,&lt;br /&gt;Ease after war, death after life, does greatly please.]]
* ''Is not short payne well borne, that bringes long ease,&lt;br /&gt;And layes the soule to sleepe in quiet graue?&lt;br /&gt;Sleepe after toyle, port after stormie seas,&lt;br /&gt;Ease after warre, death after life does greatly please.''
** &quot;Is not short pain well borne that brings long ease&lt;br /&gt;And lays the soul to sleep in quiet grave?&lt;br /&gt;'''Sleep after toil, port after stormy seas,&lt;br /&gt;Ease after war, death after life, does greatly please.'''&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 40; Despair's argument for suicide


* ''The terme of life limited,&lt;br /&gt;Ne may a man prolong, nor shorten it;&lt;br /&gt;The souldier may not moue from watchfull sted,&lt;br /&gt;Nor leaue his stand, vntill his Captaine bed.&lt;br /&gt;Who life did limit by almightie doome,&lt;br /&gt;(Quoth he) knowes best the termes established;&lt;br /&gt;And he, that points the Centonell his roome,&lt;br /&gt;Doth license him depart at sound of morning droome.''
** &quot;The term of [[life]] is limited,&lt;br /&gt;Nor may a man prolong nor shorten it:&lt;br /&gt;The soldier may not move from watchful stead,&lt;br /&gt;Nor leave his stand, until his captain bid.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Who life did limit by almighty doom,&quot;&lt;br /&gt;Quoth he, &quot;knows best the terms established;&lt;br /&gt;And he, that points the sentinel his room,&lt;br /&gt;Doth license him depart at sound of morning drum.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 41; spoken by the Red Cross Knight


[[File:Joseph Mallord William Turner (1775-1851) - The Cave of Despair - N05522 - National Gallery.jpg|thumb|Death is the end of woes: die soon, O fairy's son.]]
* ''Death is the end of woes: die soone, O faries sonne.''
** &quot;Death is the end of woes: die soon, O fairy's son.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 47; Despair tempting the Red Cross Knight to commit suicide


[[File:Benjamin West - The Cave of Despair - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|His hand did quake&lt;br /&gt;And tremble like a leaf of aspen green,&lt;br /&gt;And troubled blood through his pale face was seen,&lt;br /&gt;As it a running messenger had been.]]
* ''His hand did quake,&lt;br /&gt;And tremble like a leafe of Aspin greene,&lt;br /&gt;And troubled blood through his pale face was seene&lt;br /&gt;To come, and goe with tidings from the heart,&lt;br /&gt;As it a ronning messenger had beene.''
** His hand did quake&lt;br /&gt;And tremble like a leaf of aspen green,&lt;br /&gt;And troubled blood through his pale face was seen&lt;br /&gt;To come and go, with tidings from the heart,&lt;br /&gt;As it a running messenger had been.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 51


[[File:Charles Lock Eastlake (1793-1865) - The Cave of Despair (from Edmund Spenser's 'The Faerie Queene', Book 1, Canto 9, Lines 8–35) - SM P243 - Sir John Soane's Museum.jpg|thumb|Where justice grows, there grows eke greater grace.]]
* ''Where iustice growes, there grows eke greter grace,&lt;br /&gt;The which doth quench the brond of hellish smart.''
** Where justice grows, there grows eke greater [[grace]],&lt;br /&gt;The which doth quench the brand of hellish smart.
*** Bk. I, Canto IX, stanza 53; spoken by Una


* Each goodly thing is hardest to begin.
** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 6


[[File:George Stubbs 015.jpg|thumb|O happy earth,&lt;br /&gt;Whereon thy innocent feet do ever tread!]]
* O happy earth,&lt;br /&gt;Whereon thy innocent feet do ever tread!
** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 9


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14760502906).jpg|thumb|So few there be&lt;br /&gt;That choose the narrow path, or seek the right!&lt;br /&gt;All keep the broad highway, and take delight&lt;br /&gt;With many rather for to go astray,&lt;br /&gt;And be partakers of their evil plight,&lt;br /&gt;Than with a few to walk the rightest way.]]
* ''So few there bee,&lt;br /&gt;That chose the narrow path, or seeke the right:&lt;br /&gt;All keepe the broad high way, and take delight&lt;br /&gt;With many rather for to goe astray,&lt;br /&gt;And be partakers of their euill plight,&lt;br /&gt;Then with a few to walke the rightest way.''
** So few there be&lt;br /&gt;That choose the narrow path, or seek the right!&lt;br /&gt;All keep the broad highway, and take delight&lt;br /&gt;With many rather for to go astray,&lt;br /&gt;And be partakers of their evil plight,&lt;br /&gt;Than with a few to walk the rightest way.
*** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 10; the Red Cross Knight at the House of Holiness


* ''But wise ''Speranza'' gaue him comfort sweet,&lt;br /&gt;And taught him how to take assured hold&lt;br /&gt;Vpon her siluer anchor, as was meet;&lt;br /&gt;Els had his sinnes so great, and manifold&lt;br /&gt;Made him forget all, that ''Fidelia'' told.''
** But wise Speranza gave him comfort sweet,&lt;br /&gt;And taught him how to take assured hold&lt;br /&gt;Upon her silver anchor, as was meet;&lt;br /&gt;Else had his sins so great and manifold&lt;br /&gt;Made him forget all that Fidelia told.
*** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 22
*** Note: ''Speranza''=Hope; ''Fidelia''=Faith


* ''In ashes and sackcloth he did array&lt;br /&gt;His daintie corse, proud humors to abate,&lt;br /&gt;And dieted with fasting euery day,&lt;br /&gt;The swelling of his woundes to mitigate,&lt;br /&gt;And made him pray both earely and eke late:&lt;br /&gt;And euer as superfluous flesh did rott''&lt;br /&gt;Amendment ''readie still at hand did wayt,&lt;br /&gt;To pluck it out with pincers fyrie whott,&lt;br /&gt;That soone in him was lefte no one corrupted iott.''
** In ashes and sackcloth he did array&lt;br /&gt;His dainty corse, proud humours to abate,&lt;br /&gt;And dieted with fasting every day,&lt;br /&gt;The swelling of his wounds to mitigate,&lt;br /&gt;And made him pray both early and eke late:&lt;br /&gt;And ever as superfluous flesh did rot,&lt;br /&gt;Amendment ready still at hand did wait,&lt;br /&gt;To pluck it out with pincers fiery hot,&lt;br /&gt;That soon in him was left no one corrupted jot.
*** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 26


[[File:Martorell - Sant Jordi.jpg|thumb|Saint George shall called be&lt;br /&gt;Saint George of merry England, the sign of victory.]]
* ''Saint ''George'' shalt called bee,&lt;br /&gt;''Saint George'' of mery England, the signe of victoree.''
** &quot;''Saint George'' shalt called be&lt;br&gt;''Saint George of merry England'', the sign of victory.&quot;
*** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 61


* ''Dazed were his eyne,&lt;br /&gt;Through passing brightnes, which did quite cõfound&lt;br /&gt;His feeble sence, and too exceeding shyne.&lt;br /&gt;So darke are earthly thinges compard to things diuine.''
** Dazed were his eyne&lt;br /&gt;Through passing brightness, which did quite confound&lt;br /&gt;His feeble sense, and too exceeding shine.&lt;br /&gt;So dark are earthly things compared to things divine!
*** Bk. I, Canto X, stanza 67


* ''Now gan the golden'' Phoebus ''for to steepe&lt;br /&gt;His fierie face in billowes of the west;&lt;br /&gt;And his faint steedes watred in Ocean deepe,&lt;br /&gt;Whiles from their iournall labours they did rest.''
** Now 'gan the golden Phoebus for to steep&lt;br /&gt;His fiery face in billows of the west,&lt;br /&gt;And his faint steeds watered in ocean deep,&lt;br /&gt;Whiles from their journal labours they did rest.
*** Bk. I, Canto XI, stanza 31


* ''By this the drouping day-light gan to fade,&lt;br /&gt;And yied his rowme to sad succeeding night,&lt;br /&gt;Who with her sable mantle gan to shade&lt;br /&gt;The face of earth, and wayes of liuing wight,&lt;br /&gt;And high her burning torch set vp in heauen bright.''
** By this the drooping daylight 'gan to fade&lt;br /&gt;And yield his room to sad succeeding [[night]],&lt;br /&gt;Who with her sable mantle 'gan to shade&lt;br /&gt;The face of earth and ways of living wight,&lt;br /&gt;And high her burning torch set up in heaven bright.
*** Bk. I, Canto XI, stanza 49


* ''Then on her head they sett agirlond greene,&lt;br /&gt;And crowned her twixt earnest and twixt game;&lt;br /&gt;Who in her self-resemblance well beseene,&lt;br /&gt;Did seeme such, as she was, a goodly maiden Queene.''
** Then on her head they set a garland green,&lt;br /&gt;And crowned her 'twixt earnest and 'twixt game:&lt;br /&gt;Who, in her self-resemblance well beseen,&lt;br /&gt;Did seem, such as she was, a goodly Maiden Queen.
*** Bk. I, Canto XII, stanza 8; of Una


* ''Now strike your sailes yee iolly Mariners,&lt;br /&gt;For we be come vnto a quiet rode,&lt;br /&gt;Where we must land some of our passengers,&lt;br /&gt;And light this weary vessell of her lode.''
** Now strike your sails, ye jolly mariners,&lt;br /&gt;For we be come unto a quiet road,&lt;br /&gt;Where we must land some of our passengers,&lt;br /&gt;And light this weary vessel of her load.
*** Bk. I, Canto XII, stanza 42
&lt;br /&gt;

==== Book II ====
[[File:William Blake - Edmund Spenser - Manchester City Gallery - Tempera on canvas c 1800.jpg|thumb|Why then should witless man so much misween&lt;br /&gt;That nothing is but that which he hath seen?]]
* ''Why then should witlesse man so much misweene&lt;br /&gt;That nothing is but that which he hath seene?''
** Why then should witless man so much misween&lt;br /&gt;That nothing is but that which he hath seen?
*** Bk. II, Proem, stanza 3


* ''But now so wise and wary was the knight&lt;br /&gt;By tryall of his former harmes and cares,&lt;br /&gt;That he descryde, and shonned still his slight:&lt;br /&gt;The fish that once was caught, new bait wil hardly byte.''
** But now so wise and wary was the knight,&lt;br /&gt;By trial of his former harms and cares,&lt;br /&gt;That he descried, and shunned still, his slight:&lt;br /&gt;The fish that once was caught, new bait will hardly bite.
*** Bk. II, Canto I, stanza 4


* ''Which when she heard, as in despightfull wise,&lt;br /&gt;She wilfully her sorrow did augment,&lt;br /&gt;And offred hope of comfort did despise:&lt;br /&gt;Her golden lockes most cruelly she rent,&lt;br /&gt;And scratcht her face with ghastly dreriment,&lt;br /&gt;Ne would she speake, nesee, ne yet be seene,&lt;br /&gt;But hid her visage, and her head downe bent,&lt;br /&gt;Either for grieuous shame, or for great teene,&lt;br /&gt;As if her hart with sorow had transfixed beene.''
** Which when she heard, as in despightful wise,&lt;br /&gt;She wilfully her sorrow did augment,&lt;br /&gt;And offered hope of comfort did despise;&lt;br /&gt;Her golden locks most cruelly she rent,&lt;br /&gt;And scratched her face with ghastly dreriment;&lt;br /&gt;Nor would she speak, nor see, nor yet be seen,&lt;br /&gt;But hid her visage and her head down bent,&lt;br /&gt;Either for grievous shame, or for great teen,&lt;br /&gt;As if her heart with sorrow had transfixed been.
*** Bk. II, Canto I, stanza 15


* ''Come then, come soone, come sweetest death to me,&lt;br /&gt;And take away this long lent loathed light:&lt;br /&gt;Sharpe be thy wounds, but sweete the medicines be,&lt;br /&gt;That long captiued soules from weary thraldome free.''
** Come then, come soon; come, sweetest [[death]], to me,&lt;br /&gt;And take away this long lent loathed light:&lt;br /&gt;Sharp be thy wounds, but sweet the medicines be&lt;br /&gt;That long captived souls from weary thraldom free.
*** Bk. II, Canto I, stanza 36


* ''Behold the ymage of mortalitie,&lt;br /&gt;And feeble nature cloth'd with fleshly tyre&lt;br /&gt;When raging passion with fierce tyranny&lt;br /&gt;Robs reason of her dew regalitie,&lt;br /&gt;And makes it seruaunt to her basest part,&lt;br /&gt;The strong it weakens with infirmitie:&lt;br /&gt;And with bold furie armes the weakest hart;&lt;br /&gt;The strong through pleasure soonest falles, the weake through smart.''
** Behold the image of mortality,&lt;br /&gt;And feeble nature clothed with fleshly tire,&lt;br /&gt;When raging [[passion]] with fierce tyranny&lt;br /&gt;Robs reason of her due regality,&lt;br /&gt;And makes it servant to her basest part:&lt;br /&gt;The strong it weakens with infirmity,&lt;br /&gt;And with bold fury arms the weakest heart;&lt;br /&gt;The strong through pleasure soonest falls, the weak through smart.
*** Bk. II, Canto I, stanza 57


[[File:Arnold Böcklin - Die Toteninsel III (Alte Nationalgalerie, Berlin).jpg|thumb|Death is an equal doom&lt;br /&gt;To good and bad, the common inn of rest.]]
* ''Death is an equall doome&lt;br /&gt;To good and bad, the commen In of rest.''
** &quot;Death is an equal doom&lt;br /&gt;To good and bad, the common inn of rest.&quot;
*** Bk. II, Canto I, stanza 59
*** Compare:
**** Like pilgrims, to the appointed place we tend;&lt;br /&gt;The world's an inn, and death the journey's end.
***** [[John Dryden]], ''[[Fables, Ancient and Modern]]'' (1700), &quot;[[w:Palamon and Arcite|Palamon and Arcite]]&quot; (a translation of &quot;[[w:The Knight's Tale|The Knight's Tale]]&quot; from [[Geoffrey Chaucer|Chaucer]]'s ''[[The Canterbury Tales|Canterbury Tales]]''), 3.887


* Such is the state of men!
** Bk. II, Canto II, stanza 2


* ''So double was his paines, so double be his praise.''
** So double was his pains, so double be his praise.
*** Bk. II, Canto II, stanza 25


* ''Now gan his hart all swell in iollity,&lt;br /&gt;And of him selfe great hope and help conceiu'd,&lt;br /&gt;That puffed vp with smoke of vanity,&lt;br /&gt;And with selfe-loued personage deceiu'd,&lt;br /&gt;He gan to hope, of men to be receiu'd&lt;br /&gt;For such, as he him thought, or faine would bee:&lt;br /&gt;But for in court gay portaunce he perceiu'd,&lt;br /&gt;And gallant shew to be in greatest gree,&lt;br /&gt;Eftsoones to court he cast t'aduaunce his first degree.''
** Now 'gan his heart all swell in jollity,&lt;br /&gt;And of himself great hope and help conceived,&lt;br /&gt;That puffed up with smoke of vanity,&lt;br /&gt;And with self-loved personage deceived,&lt;br /&gt;He 'gan to hope of men to be received&lt;br /&gt;For such as he him thought, or fain would be.&lt;br /&gt;But for in court gay portaunce he perceived&lt;br /&gt;And gallant show to be in greatest gree,&lt;br /&gt;Eftsoons to court he cast to advance his first degree.
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 5


* ''Vaineglorious man, when fluttring wind does blow&lt;br /&gt;In his light winges, is lifted vp to skye:&lt;br /&gt;The scorne of knighthood and trew cheualrye,&lt;br /&gt;To thinke without desert of gentle deed,&lt;br /&gt;And noble worth to be aduaunced hye:&lt;br /&gt;Such prayse is shame; but honour vertues meed&lt;br /&gt;Doth beare the fayrest flowre in honourable seed.''
** Vainglorious man, when fluttering wind does blow&lt;br /&gt;In his light wings, is lifted up to sky;&lt;br /&gt;The scorn of knighthood and true chivalry,&lt;br /&gt;To think, without desert of gentle deed&lt;br /&gt;And noble worth, to be advanced high:&lt;br /&gt;Such praise is shame; but honour, virtue's meed,&lt;br /&gt;Doth bear the fairest flower in honourable seed.
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 10


[[File:Darnley stage 3 (3x4 cropped).jpg|thumb|Her face so fair, as flesh it seemed not,&lt;br /&gt;But heavenly portrait of bright angel's hue,&lt;br /&gt;Clear as the sky, withouten blame or blot,&lt;br /&gt;Through goodly mixture of complexion's dew.]]
* ''Her face so faire as flesh it seemed not,&lt;br /&gt;But heuenly pourtraict of bright Angels hew,&lt;br /&gt;Cleare as the skye, withouten blame or blot,&lt;br /&gt;Through goodly mixture of complexions dew.''
** Her face so fair, as flesh it seemed not,&lt;br /&gt;But heavenly portrait of bright angel's hue,&lt;br /&gt;Clear as the sky, withouten blame or blot,&lt;br /&gt;Through goodly mixture of complexion's dew.
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 22; of [[w:Belphoebe|Belphoebe]], a representation of [[Elizabeth I|Queen Elizabeth]] (as Spenser explains in his [[s:The Faerie Queene (1590/1596)/Books 1 to 3 (1590)/A Letter of the Authors expounding his whole intention in the course of this worke|letter to Raleigh]])


[[File:Walter Crane, Belphoebe.jpg|thumb|In her fair eyes two '''living lamps''' did flame,&lt;br /&gt;Kindled above, at the heavenly Maker's light,&lt;br /&gt;And darted fiery beams out of the same,&lt;br /&gt;So passing piersant, and so wondrous bright,&lt;br /&gt;That quite bereaved the rash beholder's sight.]]
* ''In her faire eyes two liuing lamps did flame,&lt;br /&gt;Kindled aboue at th'heuenly makers light,&lt;br /&gt;And darted fyrie beames out of the same,&lt;br /&gt;So passing persant, and so wondrous bright,&lt;br /&gt;That quite bereau'd the rash beholders sight.''
** In her fair [[eyes]] two living lamps did flame,&lt;br /&gt;Kindled above, at the heavenly Maker's light,&lt;br /&gt;And darted fiery beams out of the same,&lt;br /&gt;So passing piersant, and so wondrous bright,&lt;br /&gt;That quite bereaved the rash beholder's sight.
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 23; of Belphoebe


* ''And when she spake,&lt;br /&gt;Sweete wordes, like dropping honny she did shed,&lt;br /&gt;And twixt the perles and rubins softly brake&lt;br /&gt;A siluer sound, that heauenly musicke seemd to make.''
** And when she spake,&lt;br /&gt;Sweet words, like dropping honey, she did shed;&lt;br /&gt;And 'twixt the pearls and rubies softly brake&lt;br /&gt;A silver sound, that heavenly music seemed to make.
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 24; of Belphoebe


* ''Vpon her eyelids many Graces sate,&lt;br /&gt;Vnder the shadow of her euen browes.''
** Upon her eyelids many graces sate,&lt;br /&gt;Under the shadows of her even brows.
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 25; of Belphoebe


* ''Who so in pompe of prowd estate (qd. she)&lt;br /&gt;Does swim, and bathes him selfe in courtly blis,&lt;br /&gt;Does waste his dayes in darke obscuritee,&lt;br /&gt;And in obliuion euer buried is.''
** &quot;Whoso in pomp of proud estate,&quot; quoth she,&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Does swim, and bathes himself in courtly bliss,&lt;br /&gt;Does waste his days in dark obscurity,&lt;br /&gt;And in oblivion ever buried is.&quot;
*** Bk. II, Canto III, stanza 40


* ''Loue that two harts makes one, makes eke one will.''
** Love, that two hearts makes one, makes eke one will.
*** Bk. II, Canto IV, stanza 19


[[File:Phaedria and Cymochles.png|thumb|Matter of mirth enough, though there were none,&lt;br /&gt;She could devise, and thousand ways invent&lt;br /&gt;To feed her foolish humour and vain jolliment.]]
* ''And therein sate a Ladie fresh and faire,&lt;br /&gt;Making sweet solace to her selfe alone;&lt;br /&gt;Sometimes she sung, as loud as larke in aire,&lt;br /&gt;Sometimes she laught, as nigh her breth was gone,&lt;br /&gt;Yet was there not with her else any one,&lt;br /&gt;That might to her moue cause of meriment:&lt;br /&gt;Matter of merth enough, though there were none&lt;br /&gt;She could deuise, and thousand waies inuent,&lt;br /&gt;To feede her foolish humour, and vaine iolliment.''
** And therein sat a lady fresh and fair,&lt;br /&gt;Making sweet solace to herself alone:&lt;br /&gt;Sometimes she sung as loud as lark in air,&lt;br /&gt;Sometimes she laughed that nigh her breath was gone;&lt;br /&gt;Yet was there not with her else any one&lt;br /&gt;That might to her move cause of merriment:&lt;br /&gt;Matter of [[mirth]] enough, though there were none,&lt;br /&gt;She could devise, and thousand ways invent&lt;br /&gt;To feed her foolish humour and vain jolliment.
*** Bk. II, Canto VI, stanza 3 (2nd ed., 1596); of Phaedria (&quot;Immodest Mirth&quot;)


[[File:Sir Guyon Tempted by Phaedria to Land upon the Enchanted Islands.jpg|thumb|No dainty flower or herb that grows on ground,&lt;br /&gt;No arboret with painted blossoms dressed&lt;br /&gt;And smelling sweet, but there it might be found&lt;br /&gt;To bud out fair, and her sweet smells throw all around.]]
* ''No dainty flowre or herbe, that growes on grownd,&lt;br /&gt;No arborett with painted blossomes drest,&lt;br /&gt;And smelling sweete, but there it might be fownd&lt;br /&gt;To bud out faire, &amp; throwe her sweete smels al arownd.''
** No dainty flower or herb that grows on ground,&lt;br /&gt;No arboret with painted blossoms dressed&lt;br /&gt;And smelling sweet, but there it might be found&lt;br /&gt;To bud out fair, and her sweet smells throw all around.
*** Bk. II, Canto VI, stanza 12


* ''Yet nether spinnes nor cards, ne cares nor fretts,&lt;br /&gt;But to her mother Nature all her care she letts.''
** Yet neither spins, nor cards, nor cares, nor frets,&lt;br /&gt;But to her mother, nature, all her cares she lets.
*** Bk. II, Canto VI, stanza 16
*** Compare:
**** Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin.
***** [[Matthew]] 6:28 KJV


* ''The fields did laugh, the flowres did freshly spring,&lt;br /&gt;The trees did bud, and early blossomes bore,&lt;br /&gt;And all the quire of birds did sweetly sing,&lt;br /&gt;And told that gardins pleasures in their caroling.''
** The fields did laugh, the flowers did freshly spring,&lt;br /&gt;The trees did bud and early blossoms bore,&lt;br /&gt;And all the quire of birds did sweetly sing,&lt;br /&gt;And told that garden's pleasures in their caroling.
*** Bk. II, Canto VI, stanza 24


[[File:Mammon (The Faerie Queene).jpg|thumb|In his lap a mass of coin he told&lt;br /&gt;And turned upside down, to feed his eye&lt;br /&gt;And covetous desire with his huge treasury.]]
* ''His yron cote all ouergrowne with rust,&lt;br /&gt;Was vnderneath enueloped with gold,&lt;br /&gt;Whose glistring glosse darkned with filthy dust,&lt;br /&gt;Well yet appeared, to haue beene of old&lt;br /&gt;A worke of rich entayle, and curious mould,&lt;br /&gt;Wouen with antickes and wyld ymagery:&lt;br /&gt;And in his lap a masse of coyne he told,&lt;br /&gt;And turned vpside downe, to feede his eye&lt;br /&gt;And couetous desire with his huge threasury.''
** His iron coat, all overgrown with rust,&lt;br /&gt;Was underneath enveloped with gold,&lt;br /&gt;Whose glistering gloss, darkened with filthy dust,&lt;br /&gt;Well it appeared to have been of old&lt;br /&gt;A work of rich entail and curious mold,&lt;br /&gt;Woven with antiques and wild imagery.&lt;br /&gt;And in his lap a mass of coin he told&lt;br /&gt;And turned upside down, to feed his eye&lt;br /&gt;And covetous desire with his huge treasury.
*** Bk. II, Canto VII, stanza 4; of [[Mammon]]


* ''Before the dore sat selfe-consuming Care,&lt;br/&gt;Day and night keeping wary watch and ward,&lt;br/&gt;For feare least Force or Fraud should vnaware&lt;br/&gt;Breake in, and spoile the treasure there in gard:&lt;br/&gt;Ne would he suffer Sleepe once thether-ward&lt;br/&gt;Approch, albe his drowsy den were next;&lt;br/&gt;For next to death is Sleepe to be compard:&lt;br/&gt;Therefore his house is vnto his annext;&lt;br/&gt;Here Sleep, ther Richesse, &amp; Helgate thē both betwext.''
** Before the door sat self-consuming Care,&lt;br /&gt;Day and night keeping wary watch and ward,&lt;br /&gt;For fear lest Force or Fraud should unaware&lt;br /&gt;Break in, and spoil the treasure there in guard:&lt;br /&gt;Nor would he suffer Sleep once thitherward&lt;br /&gt;Approach, although his drowsy den were next;&lt;br /&gt;For next to Death is Sleep to be compared;&lt;br /&gt;Therefore his house is unto his annext:&lt;br /&gt;Here Sleep, there Riches, and Hell-gate them both betwixt.
*** Bk. II, Canto VII, stanza 25


* ''Some thought to raise themselues to high degree,&lt;br /&gt;By riches and vnrighteous reward,&lt;br /&gt;Some by close shouldring, some by flatteree;&lt;br /&gt;Others through friendes, others for base regard;&lt;br /&gt;And all by wrong waies for themselues prepard.&lt;br /&gt;Those that were vp themselues, kept others low,&lt;br /&gt;Those that were low themselues held others hard,&lt;br /&gt;Ne suffred them to ryse or greater grow,&lt;br /&gt;But euery one did striue his fellow downe to throw.''
** Some thought to raise themselves to high degree&lt;br /&gt;By riches and unrighteous reward;&lt;br /&gt;Some by close shouldering; some by flattery;&lt;br /&gt;Others through friends; others for base regard;&lt;br /&gt;And all by wrong ways for themselves prepared:&lt;br /&gt;Those that were up themselves kept others low,&lt;br /&gt;Those that were low themselves held others hard,&lt;br /&gt;Nor suffered them to rise or greater grow,&lt;br /&gt;But every one did drive his fellow down to throw.
*** Bk. II, Canto VII, stanza 47


[[File:Ceiling of Palazzo Barberini.jpg|thumb|And is there care in heaven? and is there love&lt;br /&gt;In heavenly spirits to these creatures base&lt;br /&gt;That may compassion of their evils move?&lt;br /&gt;There is: else much more wretched were the case&lt;br /&gt;Of men than beasts.]]
[[File:God the Father and angels, Pietro Perugino, Stanza dell'Incendio di Borgo, medalion, part of the ceiling, Vatican City 1.jpg|thumb|But O! the exceeding grace&lt;br /&gt;Of highest God, that loves His creatures so,&lt;br /&gt;And all His works with mercy doth embrace,&lt;br /&gt;That blessed angels He sends to and fro&lt;br /&gt;To serve to wicked man, to serve His wicked foe!]]
[[File:Bernhard Plockhorst - Schutzengel.jpg|thumb|How oft do they their silver bowers leave&lt;br /&gt;To come to succour us that succour want!]]
[[File:The faerie queene, with an exact collation of the two original editions, published by himself at London in quarto; the former containing the first three books printed in 1590, and the latter the six (14587725458).jpg|thumb|All for love, and nothing for reward!]]
* &lt;p&gt;''And is there care in heauen? and is their loue&lt;br /&gt;In heauenly spirits to these creatures bace,&lt;br /&gt;That may compassion of their euilles moue?&lt;br /&gt;There is: else much more wretched were the cace&lt;br /&gt;Of men then beasts. But O th'exceeding grace&lt;br /&gt;Of highest God, that loues his creatures so,&lt;br /&gt;And all his workes with mercy doth embrace,&lt;br /&gt;That blessed Angels, he sends to and fro,&lt;br /&gt;To serue to wicked man, to serue his wicked foe.''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''How oft do they, their siluer bowers leaue,&lt;br /&gt;To come to succour vs, that succour want,&lt;br /&gt;How oft do they with golden pineons, cleaue&lt;br /&gt;The flitting skyes, like flying Pursuiuant,&lt;br /&gt;Against fowle feendes to ayd vs militant:&lt;br /&gt;They for vs fight, they watch and dewly ward,&lt;br /&gt;And their bright Squadrons round about vs plant,&lt;br /&gt;And all for loue, and nothing for reward:&lt;br /&gt;O why should heuenly God to men haue such regard.''&lt;/p&gt;
** &lt;p&gt;And is there [[Providence|care in heaven]]? and is there love&lt;br /&gt;In heavenly spirits to these creatures base&lt;br /&gt;That may compassion of their evils move?&lt;br /&gt;There is; else much more wretched were the case&lt;br /&gt;Of men than beasts. But O the exceeding grace&lt;br /&gt;Of highest God! that loves His creatures so,&lt;br /&gt;And all His works with mercy doth embrace,&lt;br /&gt;That blessed angels He sends to and fro&lt;br /&gt;To serve to wicked man, to serve His wicked foe!&lt;/p&gt; How oft do they their silver bowers leave&lt;br /&gt;To come to succour us that succour want?&lt;br /&gt;How oft do they with golden pinions cleave&lt;br /&gt;The flitting skies, like flying pursuivant,&lt;br /&gt;Against foul fiends to aid us militant?&lt;br /&gt;They for us fight, they watch and duly ward,&lt;br /&gt;And their bright squadrons round about us plant,&lt;br /&gt;'''And all for love and nothing for reward''':&lt;br /&gt;O why should heavenly God to men have such regard?
*** Bk. II, Canto VIII, stanzas 1–2


[[File:Pictures from English Literature-038.jpg|thumb|Gold all is not that doth golden seem.]]
* ''Gold al is not, that doth golden seeme''.
** Gold all is not that doth golden seem.
*** Bk. II, Canto VIII, stanza 14


[[File:W. Otway Cannell 1.jpg|thumb|Of all God's works, which do this world adorn,&lt;br /&gt;There is no one more fair and excellent&lt;br /&gt;Than is man's body, both for power and form,&lt;br /&gt;Whiles it is kept in sober government.]]
* ''Of all Gods workes, which doe this world adorne,&lt;br /&gt;There is no one more faire and excellent,&lt;br /&gt;Then is mans body both for powre and forme,&lt;br /&gt;Whiles it is kept in sober gouernment''.
** Of all God's works, which do this world adorn,&lt;br /&gt;There is no one more fair and excellent&lt;br /&gt;Than is man's body, both for power and form,&lt;br /&gt;Whiles it is kept in sober government.
*** Bk. II, Canto IX, stanza 1


* ''And through the Hall there walked to and fro&lt;br /&gt;A iolly yeoman, Marshall of the same,&lt;br /&gt;Whose name was ''Appetite''; he did bestow&lt;br /&gt;Both guestes and meate, when euer in they came,&lt;br /&gt;And knew them how to order without blame.''
** And through the hall there walked to and fro&lt;br /&gt;A jolly yeoman, marshal of the same,&lt;br /&gt;Whose name was [[Appetite]]; he did bestow&lt;br /&gt;Both guests and meat, whenever in they came,&lt;br /&gt;And knew them how to order without blame.
*** Bk. II, Canto IX, stanza 28


[[File:Three daughters of King Lear by Gustav Pope.JPG|thumb|Love is not where most it is professed.]]
* ''The wretched man gan then auise to late,&lt;br /&gt;That loue is not, where most it is profest.''
** The wretched man 'gan then advise too late&lt;br /&gt;That love is not where most it is professed.
*** Bk. II, Canto X, stanza 31
*** Note: ''advise''=consider, reflect


[[File:Fernand Khnopff Acrasia Fairy Queen 1897.jpg|thumb|What war so cruel, or what siege so sore,&lt;br /&gt;As that which strong affections do apply&lt;br /&gt;Against the fort of reason evermore,&lt;br /&gt;To bring the soul into captivity!]]
* ''What warre so cruel, or what siege so sore,&lt;br /&gt;As that, which strong affections doe apply&lt;br /&gt;Against the forte of reason euermore,&lt;br /&gt;To bring the sowle into captiuity.''
** What war so cruel, or what siege so sore,&lt;br /&gt;As that which strong [[affections]] do apply&lt;br /&gt;Against the fort of reason, evermore&lt;br /&gt;To bring the soul into captivity!
*** Bk. II, Canto XI, stanza 1


* ''Slaunderous reproches, and fowle infamies,&lt;br /&gt;Leasinges, backbytinges, and vaineglorious crakes,&lt;br /&gt;Bad counsels, prayses, and false flatteries,&lt;br /&gt;All those against that fort did bend their batteries.''
** [[Slanderous]] reproaches and foul infamies,&lt;br /&gt;Leasings, backbitings, and vain-glorious crakes,&lt;br /&gt;Bad counsels, praises, and false flatteries;&lt;br /&gt;All those against that fort did bend their batteries.
*** Bk. II, Canto XI, stanza 10


* ''As pale and wan as ashes was his looke,&lt;br /&gt;His body leane and meagre as a rake,&lt;br /&gt;And skin all withered like a dryed rooke,&lt;br /&gt;Thereto as cold and drery as a Snake,&lt;br /&gt;That seemd to tremble euermore, and quake.''
** As pale and wan as ashes was his look:&lt;br /&gt;His body lean and meager as a rake,&lt;br /&gt;And skin all withered like a dried rook;&lt;br /&gt;Thereto as cold and dreary as a snake,&lt;br /&gt;That seemed to tremble evermore and quake.
*** Bk. II, Canto XI, stanza 22


[[File:Aivazovsky, Ivan - The Ninth Wave.jpg|thumb|Sudden they see, from midst of all the main,&lt;br /&gt;The surging waters like a mountain rise,&lt;br /&gt;And the great sea puffed up with proud disdain,&lt;br /&gt;To swell above the measure of his guise,&lt;br /&gt;As threatening to devour all that his power despise.]]
* ''Suddeine they see from midst of all the Maine,&lt;br /&gt;The surging waters like a mountaine rise,&lt;br /&gt;And the great sea puft vp with proud disdaine,&lt;br /&gt;To swell aboue the measure of his guise,&lt;br /&gt;As threatning to deuoure all, that his powre despise.''
** Sudden they see, from midst of all the main,&lt;br /&gt;The surging waters like a mountain rise,&lt;br /&gt;And the great sea puffed up with proud disdain,&lt;br /&gt;To swell above the measure of his guise,&lt;br /&gt;As threatening to devour all that his power despise.
*** Bk. II, Canto XII, stanza 21


[[File:&quot;This is the Port of Rest from Troublous Toyle&quot; - Walter Jenks Morgan.png|thumb|Here may thy stormbeat vessel safely ride;&lt;br /&gt;This is the port of rest from troublous toil,&lt;br /&gt;The world's sweet inn from pain and wearisome turmoil.]]
* ''O turne thy rudder hetherward a while:&lt;br /&gt;Here may thy storme-bett vessell safely ryde;&lt;br /&gt;This is the Port of rest from troublous toyle,&lt;br /&gt;The worldes sweet In, frō paine &amp; wearisome turmoyle.''
** O turn thy rudder hitherward awhile:&lt;br /&gt;Here may thy stormbeat vessel safely ride;&lt;br /&gt;This is the port of rest from troublous toil,&lt;br /&gt;The world's sweet inn from pain and wearisome turmoil.
*** Bk. II, Canto XII, stanza 32


[[File:Thomas Uwins (1782-1857) - Sir Guyon Arriving at the Bower of Bliss - 612-1875 - Victoria and Albert Museum.jpg|thumb|Eftsoons they heard a most melodious sound.]]
* &lt;p&gt;''Eftsoones they heard a most melodious sound,&lt;br /&gt;Of all that mote delight a daintie eare,&lt;br /&gt;Such as attonce might not on liuing ground,&lt;br /&gt;Saue in this Paradise, be heard elswhere:&lt;br /&gt;Right hard it was, for wight, which did it heare,&lt;br /&gt;To read, what manner musicke that mote bee:&lt;br /&gt;For all that pleasing is to liuing eare,&lt;br /&gt;Was there consorted in one harmonee,&lt;br /&gt;Birdes, voices, instruments, windes, waters, all agree.''&lt;/p&gt;''The ioyous birdes shrouded in chearefull shade,&lt;br /&gt;Their notes vnto the voice attempred sweet;&lt;br /&gt;Th'Angelicall soft trembling voyces made&lt;br /&gt;To th'instruments diuine respondence meet:&lt;br /&gt;The siluer sounding instruments did meet&lt;br /&gt;With the base murmure of the waters fall:&lt;br /&gt;The waters fall with difference discreet,&lt;br /&gt;Now soft, now loud, vnto the wind did call:&lt;br /&gt;The gentle warbling wind low answered to all.''
** &lt;p&gt;Eftsoons they heard a most melodious sound,&lt;br /&gt;Of all that might delight a dainty ear,&lt;br /&gt;Such as at once might not on living ground,&lt;br /&gt;Save in this paradise, be heard elsewhere:&lt;br /&gt;Right hard it was for wight which did it hear,&lt;br /&gt;To read what manner music that might be;&lt;br /&gt;For all that pleasing is to living ear&lt;br /&gt;Was there consorted in one harmony—&lt;br /&gt;Birds, voices, instruments, winds, waters, all agree.&lt;/p&gt;The joyous birds, shrouded in cheerful shade,&lt;br /&gt;Their notes unto the voice attempered sweet;&lt;br /&gt;The angelical soft trembling voices made&lt;br /&gt;To the instruments divine respondence meet;&lt;br /&gt;The silver-sounding instruments did meet&lt;br /&gt;With the base murmur of the water's fall;&lt;br /&gt;The water's fall with difference discreet,&lt;br /&gt;Now soft, now loud, unto the wind did call;&lt;br /&gt;The gentle warbling wind low answered to all.
*** Bk. II, Canto XII, stanzas 70–71; the Bower of Bliss


[[File:John Melhuish Strudwick, Acrasia (c 1888).jpg|thumb|Gather therefore the rose whilst yet is prime,&lt;br /&gt;For soon comes age that will her pride deflower;&lt;br /&gt;Gather the rose of love whilst yet is time,&lt;br /&gt;Whilst loving thou mayst loved be with equal crime.]]
* ''So passeth, in the passing of a day,&lt;br /&gt;Of mortall life the leafe, the bud, the flowre,&lt;br /&gt;Ne more doth florish after first decay,&lt;br /&gt;That earst was sought to deck both bed and bowre,&lt;br /&gt;Of many a Lady, and many a Paramowre:&lt;br /&gt;Gather therefore the Rose, whilest yet is prime,&lt;br /&gt;For soone comes age, that will her pride deflowre:&lt;br /&gt;Gather the Rose of loue, whilest yet is time,&lt;br /&gt;Whilest louing thou mayst loued be with equall crime.''
** '''So passeth, in the passing of a day,&lt;br /&gt;Of mortal life the leaf, the bud, the flower,&lt;br /&gt;Nor more doth flourish after first decay,&lt;br /&gt;That erst was sought to deck both bed and bower&lt;br /&gt;Of many a lady, and many a paramour.&lt;br /&gt;Gather therefore the rose whilst yet is prime,&lt;br /&gt;For soon comes age that will her pride deflower;&lt;br /&gt;Gather the rose of love whilst yet is time,&lt;br /&gt;Whilst loving thou mayst loved be with equal crime.'''
*** Bk. II, Canto XII, stanza 75
*** Compare:
**** ''Cogliam la rosa in sul mattino adorno&lt;br /&gt;Di questo dì, chè tosto il seren perde:&lt;br /&gt;Cogliam d'Amor la rosa: amiamo or quando&lt;br /&gt;Esser si puote riamato amando.''
***** O gather, then, the rose, while time thou has!&lt;br /&gt;Short is the day—done when it scant began;&lt;br /&gt;Gather the rose of love, while yet thou mayst,&lt;br /&gt;Loving, be loved; embracing, be embraced.
****** [[Torquato Tasso]], ''[[Jerusalem Delivered]]'' (1581), Canto XVI, stanza 15 ([[Edward Fairfax|Fairfax]]'s translation of 1600)
***** Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.
****** [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Robert Herrick]], &quot;[[w:To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time|To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time]]&quot; (1648)


* ''But all those pleasaunt bowres and Pallace braue,&lt;br /&gt;''Guyon'' broke downe, with rigour pittilesse;&lt;br /&gt;Ne ought their goodly workmanship might saue&lt;br /&gt;Them from the tempest of his wrathfulnesse,&lt;br /&gt;But that their blisse he turn'd to balefulnesse:&lt;br /&gt;Their groues he feld, their gardins did deface,&lt;br /&gt;Their arbers spoyle, their Cabinets suppresse,&lt;br /&gt;Their banket houses burne, their buildings race,&lt;br /&gt;And of the fayrest late, now made the fowlest place.''
** But all those pleasant bowers and palace brave&lt;br /&gt;Guyon broke down, with rigour pitiless;&lt;br /&gt;Nor aught their goodly workmanship might save&lt;br /&gt;Them from the tempest of his wrathfulness,&lt;br /&gt;But that their bliss he turned to balefulness:&lt;br /&gt;Their groves he felled, their gardens did deface,&lt;br /&gt;Their arbors spoiled, their cabinets suppress,&lt;br /&gt;Their banquet-houses burn, their buildings raze,&lt;br /&gt;And of the fairest late now made the foulest place.
*** Bk. II, Canto XII, stanza 83


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14596797430).jpg|thumb|The dunghill kind&lt;br /&gt;Delights in filth and foul incontinence;&lt;br /&gt;Let Grill be Grill and have his hoggish mind.]]
* ''The donghill kinde&lt;br /&gt;Delightes in filth and fowle incontinence:&lt;br /&gt;Let ''Gryll'' be ''Gryll'', and haue his hoggish minde.''
** The dunghill kind&lt;br /&gt;Delights in filth and foul incontinence;&lt;br /&gt;Let Grill be Grill and have his hoggish mind.
*** Bk. II, Canto XII, stanza 87
&lt;br /&gt;
==== Book III ====

* ''For who can shun the chance, that dest'ny doth ordaine?''
** For who can shun the chance that destiny doth ordain?
*** Bk. III, Canto I, stanza 37


* ''Through thicke and thin, both ouer banck and bush&lt;br /&gt;In hope her to attaine by hooke or crooke.''
** Through thick and thin, both over bank and bush,&lt;br /&gt;In hope her to attain '''by hook or crook.'''
*** Bk. III, Canto I, stanza 17
*** Compare:
**** Through thick and through thin.
***** [[Geoffrey Chaucer]], ''[[The Reeve's Tale]]'' (c. 1390), line 146


* ''Like dastard Curres, that hauing at a bay&lt;br /&gt;The saluage beast embost in wearie chace,&lt;br /&gt;Dare not aduenture on the stubborne pray,&lt;br /&gt;Ne byte before, but rome from place to place,&lt;br /&gt;To get a snatch, when turned is his face.''
** Like dastard curs that having at a bay&lt;br /&gt;The salvage beast, embossed in weary chase,&lt;br /&gt;Dare not adventure on the stubborn prey,&lt;br /&gt;Nor bite before, but roam from place to place&lt;br /&gt;To get a snatch when turned is his face.
*** Bk. III, Canto I, stanza 22
*** Note: ''embossed''=exhausted, hunted down


[[File:Walter Crane - Britomart (1900).jpg|thumb|For she was full of amiable grace,&lt;br /&gt;And manly terror mixed therewithal,&lt;br /&gt;That as the one stirred up affections base,&lt;br /&gt;So the other did men's rash desires appal,&lt;br /&gt;And hold them back that would in error fall&lt;!--:&lt;br /&gt;As he that hath espied a vermeil rose,&lt;br /&gt;To which sharp thorns and briars the way forestall,&lt;br /&gt;Dare not for dread his hardy hand expose,&lt;br /&gt;But, wishing it far off, his idle wish doth lose--&gt;.]]
* ''For shee was full of amiable grace,&lt;br /&gt;And manly terror mixed therewithall,&lt;br /&gt;That as the one stird vp affections bace,&lt;br /&gt;So th'other did mens rash desires apall,&lt;br /&gt;And hold them backe, that would in error fall;&lt;br /&gt;As hee, that hath espide a vermeill Rose,&lt;br /&gt;To which sharpe thornes and breres the way forstall,&lt;br /&gt;Dare not for dread his hardy hand expose,&lt;br /&gt;But wishing it far off, his ydle wish doth lose.''
** For she was full of amiable grace,&lt;br /&gt;And manly terror mixed therewithal,&lt;br /&gt;That as the one stirred up affections base,&lt;br /&gt;So the other did men's rash desires appal,&lt;br /&gt;And hold them back that would in error fall:&lt;br /&gt;As he that hath espied a vermeil rose,&lt;br /&gt;To which sharp thorns and briars the way forestall,&lt;br /&gt;Dare not for dread his hardy hand expose,&lt;br /&gt;But, wishing it far off, his idle wish doth lose.
*** Bk. III, Canto I, stanza 46; of [[w:Britomartis|Britomart]] (a lady knight representing Chastity)


* ''Shee greatly gan enamoured to wex,&lt;br /&gt;And with vaine thoughts her falsed fancy vex:&lt;br /&gt;Her fickle hart conceiued hasty fyre,&lt;br /&gt;Like sparkes of fire, that fall in sclender flex,&lt;br /&gt;That shortly brent into extreme desyre,&lt;br /&gt;And ransackt all her veines with passion entyre.''
** She greatly 'gan enamoured to wax,&lt;br /&gt;And with vain thoughts her falsed fancy vex:&lt;br /&gt;Her fickle heart conceived hasty fire,&lt;br /&gt;Like sparks of fire which fall in slender flex,&lt;br /&gt;That shortly burnt into extreme desire,&lt;br /&gt;And ransacked all her veins with passion entire.
*** Bk. III, Canto I, stanza 47


* ''Nought so of loue this looser Dame did skill,&lt;br /&gt;But as a cole to kindle fleshly flame,&lt;br /&gt;Giuing the bridle to her wanton will,&lt;br /&gt;And treading vnder foote her honest name.''
** Nought so of love this looser dame did skill,&lt;br /&gt;But as a coal to kindle fleshly flame,&lt;br /&gt;Giving the bridle to her wanton will,&lt;br /&gt;And treading under foot her honest name.
*** Bk. III, Canto I, stanza 50


[[File:Britomart and Amoret.jpg|thumb|Heart that is inly hurt is greatly eased&lt;br /&gt;With hope of thing that may allay his smart.]]
* ''His feeling wordes her feeble sence much pleased,&lt;br /&gt;And softly sunck into her molten hart;&lt;br /&gt;Hart that is inly hurt, is greatly eased&lt;br /&gt;With hope of thing, that may allegge his smart,&lt;br /&gt;For pleasing wordes are like to Magick art,&lt;br /&gt;That doth the charmed Snake in slomber lay:''
** His feeling words her feeble sense much pleased,&lt;br /&gt;And softly sunk into her molten heart;&lt;br /&gt;Heart that is inly hurt is greatly eased&lt;br /&gt;With hope of thing that may allay his smart;&lt;br /&gt;For pleasing words are like to magic art&lt;br /&gt;That doth the charmed snake in slumber lay.
*** Bk. III, Canto II, stanza 15


[[File:Allegory of Music E-07-0034-001.jpg|thumb|Discord oft in music makes the sweeter lay.]]
* ''Dischord ofte in Musick makes the sweeter lay.''
** Discord oft in music makes the sweeter lay.
*** Bk. III, Canto II, stanza 15


* ''But as it falleth, in the gentlest harts&lt;br /&gt;Imperious Loue hath highest set his throne,&lt;br /&gt;And tyrannizeth in the bitter smarts&lt;br /&gt;Of them, that to him buxome are and prone:''
** But, as it falleth, in the gentlest hearts&lt;br /&gt;Imperious Love hath highest set his throne,&lt;br /&gt;And tyrannizeth in the bitter smarts&lt;br /&gt;Of them that to him buxom are and prone.
*** Bk. III, Canto II, stanza 23
*** Note: ''buxom''=obedient


[[File:Britomart viewing Artegal (Crane, 1895-1897).jpg|thumb|Sad, solemn, sour, and full of fancies frail&lt;br /&gt;She wox, yet wist she neither how nor why;&lt;br /&gt;She wist not, silly maid, what she did ail,&lt;br /&gt;Yet wist she was not well at ease, perdy,&lt;br /&gt;Yet thought it was not [[love]], but some melancholy.]]
* ''Sad, solemne, sowre, and full of fancies fraile&lt;br /&gt;She woxe; yet wist she nether how, nor why,&lt;br /&gt;She wist not, silly Mayd, what she did aile,&lt;br /&gt;Yet wist, she was not well at ease perdy,&lt;br /&gt;Yet thought it was not loue, but some melancholy.''
** Sad, solemn, sour, and full of fancies frail&lt;br /&gt;She wox, yet wist she neither how nor why;&lt;br /&gt;She wist not, silly maid, what she did ail,&lt;br /&gt;Yet wist she was not well at ease, perdy,&lt;br /&gt;Yet thought it was not love, but some melancholy.
*** Bk. III, Canto II, stanza 27; of Britomart's love-sick state
*** Note: ''wox''=grew, became; ''wist''=knew; ''silly''=innocent, helpless; ''perdy'': truly, assuredly


* ''Ne ought it mote the noble Mayd auayle,&lt;br /&gt;Ne slake the fury of her cruell flame,&lt;br /&gt;But that shee still did waste, and still did wayle,&lt;br /&gt;That through long languour, &amp; hart-burning brame&lt;br /&gt;She shortly like a pyned ghost became.''
** Nor aught it might the noble maid avail,&lt;br /&gt;Nor slake the fury of her cruel flame,&lt;br /&gt;But that she still did waste, and still did wail,&lt;br /&gt;That through long languor and heart-burning brame&lt;br /&gt;She shortly like a pined ghost became.
*** Bk. III, Canto II, stanza 52
*** Note: ''brame''=fierce passion, vexation


[[File:W5 cropped.jpg|thumb|O sacred fire that burnest mightily&lt;br /&gt;In living breasts, ykindled first above&lt;br /&gt;Amongst the eternal spheres and lamping sky,&lt;br /&gt;And thence poured into men, which men call love!]]
* ''Most sacred fyre, that burnest mightily&lt;br /&gt;In liuing brests, ykindled first aboue,&lt;br /&gt;Emongst th'eternall spheres and lamping sky,&lt;br /&gt;And thence pourd into men, which men call Loue''.
** Most sacred fire, that burnest mightily&lt;br /&gt;In living breasts, ykindled first above&lt;br /&gt;Amongst the eternal spheres and lamping sky,&lt;br /&gt;And thence poured into men, which men call love.
** Bk. III, Canto III, stanza 1
** Variant in the third edition (1609):
*** ''Oh sacred fire, that burnest mightily&lt;br /&gt;In liuing brests, ykindled first aboue,&lt;br /&gt;Emongst th'eternall spheres &amp; lamping sky,&lt;br /&gt;And thẽce pourd into men, which mẽ cal loue''.
**** O sacred fire that burnest mightily&lt;br /&gt;In living breasts, ykindled first above&lt;br /&gt;Amongst the eternal spheres and lamping sky,&lt;br /&gt;And thence poured into men, which men call love.


[[File:Arthur-Pyle The Enchanter Merlin.JPG|thumb|Merlin had in magic more insight&lt;br /&gt;Than ever him before or after living wight.]]
[[File:Britomart, Glauce, and Merlin.jpg|thumb|For he by words could call out of the sky&lt;br /&gt;Both sun and moon, and make them him obey.&lt;br /&gt;Huge hosts of men he could, alone, dismay.]]
* ''For ''Merlin'' had in Magick more insight,&lt;br /&gt;Then euer him before or after liuing wight.''{{pbr}}''For he by wordes could call out of the sky&lt;br /&gt;Both Sunne and Moone, and make them him obay:&lt;br /&gt;The Land to sea, and sea to maineland dry,&lt;br /&gt;And darksom night he eke could turne to day:&lt;br /&gt;Huge hostes of men he could alone dismay,&lt;br /&gt;And hostes of men of meanest thinges could frame,&lt;br /&gt;When so him list his enimies to fray:&lt;br /&gt;That to this day for terror of his fame,&lt;br /&gt;The feends do quake, whē any him to them does name.''
** For Merlin had in magic more insight&lt;br /&gt;Than ever him before or after living wight:{{pbr}}For he by words could call out of the sky&lt;br /&gt;Both sun and moon, and make them him obey;&lt;br /&gt;The land to sea, and sea to mainland dry,&lt;br /&gt;And darksome night he eke could turn to day—&lt;br /&gt;Huge hosts of men he could, alone, dismay,&lt;br /&gt;And hosts of men of meanest things could frame,&lt;br /&gt;When so him list his enemies to fray:&lt;br /&gt;That to this day, for terror of his fame,&lt;br /&gt;The fiends do quake when any him to them does name.
*** Bk. III, Canto III, stanzas 11–12


* ''Whereof she seemes ashamed inwardly.''
** Whereof she seems ashamed inwardly.
*** Bk. III, Canto III, stanza 20


[[File:Britomart Sample MVAS.jpeg|thumb|Where is the antique glory now become&lt;br /&gt;That whilom wont in women to appear?&lt;br /&gt;Where be the brave achievements done by some?&lt;br /&gt;Where be the battles, where the shield and spear,&lt;br /&gt;And all the conquests which them high did rear,&lt;br /&gt;That matter made for famous poets' verse,&lt;br /&gt;And boastful men so oft abashed to hear?&lt;br /&gt;Been they all dead and laid in doleful hearse?&lt;br /&gt;Or do they only sleep and shall again reverse?]]
* ''Where is the Antique glory now become,&lt;br /&gt;That whylome wont in wemen to appeare?&lt;br /&gt;Where be the braue atchieuements doen by some?&lt;br /&gt;Where be the batteilles, where the shield &amp; speare,&lt;br /&gt;And all the conquests, which them high did reare,&lt;br /&gt;That matter made for famous Poets verse,&lt;br /&gt;And boastfull men so oft abasht to heare?&lt;br /&gt;Beene they all dead, and laide in dolefull herse?&lt;br /&gt;Or doen they onely sleepe, and shall againe reuerse?''
** Where is the antique glory now become&lt;br /&gt;That whilom wont in women to appear?&lt;br /&gt;Where be the brave achievements done by some?&lt;br /&gt;Where be the battles, where the shield and spear,&lt;br /&gt;And all the conquests which them high did rear,&lt;br /&gt;That matter made for famous poets' verse,&lt;br /&gt;And boastful men so oft abashed to hear?&lt;br /&gt;Been they all dead and laid in doleful hearse?&lt;br /&gt;Or do they only sleep and shall again reverse?
*** Bk. III, Canto IV, stanza 1


[[File:Britomart and Marinell.png|thumb|Fly they that ''need'' to fly;&lt;br /&gt;Words fearen babes. I mean not thee entreat&lt;br /&gt;To pass, but maugre thee will pass or die.]]
* ''She shortly thus; Fly they, that need to fly;&lt;br /&gt;Wordes fearen babes. I meane not thee entreat&lt;br /&gt;To passe; but maugre thee will passe or dy.''
** She shortly thus: &quot;Fly they that need to fly;&lt;br /&gt;Words fearen babes; I mean not thee entreat&lt;br /&gt;To pass, but maugre thee will pass or die.&quot;
*** Bk. III, Canto IV, stanza 15; Britomart to Marinell
*** Note: ''fly''=flee; ''fearen''=frighten; ''maugre''=in spite of
*** Compare:
**** Through them I mean to pass,&lt;br /&gt;That be assured, without leave asked of thee.
***** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1674), Book II, lines 684–685


[[File:Cymoënt and Marinell - Walter Jenks Morgan.png|thumb|But ah, who can deceive his destiny?]]
* ''But ah, who can deceiue his destiny,&lt;br /&gt;Or weene by warning to auoyd his fate?''
** But ah, who can deceive his destiny,&lt;br /&gt;Or ween by warning to avoid his fate?
*** Bk. III, Canto IV, stanza 27
*** Note: ''ween''=think, imagine


[[File:Noche de luna llena - Full moon night.jpg|thumb|But well I wot that to a heavy heart&lt;br /&gt;Thou art the root and nurse of bitter cares,&lt;br /&gt;Breeder of new, renewer of old smarts:&lt;br /&gt;Instead of rest thou lendest railing tears;&lt;br /&gt;Instead of sleep thou sendest troublous fears&lt;br /&gt;And dreadful visions, in the which alive&lt;br /&gt;The dreary image of sad Death appears;&lt;br /&gt;So from the weary spirit thou dost drive&lt;br /&gt;Desired rest, and men of happiness deprive.]]
* ''But well I wote, that to an heauy hart&lt;br /&gt;Thou art the roote and nourse of bitter cares,&lt;br /&gt;Breeder of new, renewer of old smarts:&lt;br /&gt;In stead of rest thou lendest rayling teares,&lt;br /&gt;In stead of sleepe thou sendest troublous feares,&lt;br /&gt;And dreadfull visions, in the which aliue&lt;br /&gt;The dreary image of sad death appeares:&lt;br /&gt;So from the wearie spirit thou doest driue&lt;br /&gt;Desired rest, and men of happinesse depriue.''
** &quot;But well I wot that to a heavy heart&lt;br /&gt;Thou art the root and nurse of bitter cares,&lt;br /&gt;Breeder of new, renewer of old smarts:&lt;br /&gt;Instead of rest thou lendest railing tears,&lt;br /&gt;Instead of sleep thou sendest troublous fears&lt;br /&gt;And dreadful visions, in the which alive&lt;br /&gt;The dreary image of sad death appears;&lt;br /&gt;So from the weary spirit thou dost drive&lt;br /&gt;Desired rest, and men of happiness deprive.&quot;
*** Bk. III, Canto IV, stanza 57; Prince Arthur's soliloquy against Night
*** Note: ''wot''=know, ''smarts''=pain; ''railing''=flowing, trickling down


* ''Vnder thy mantle black there hidden lye,&lt;br /&gt;Light-shonning thefte, and traiterous intent,&lt;br /&gt;Abhorred bloodshed, and vile felony,&lt;br /&gt;Shamefull deceipt, and daunger imminent;&lt;br /&gt;Fowle horror, and eke hellish dreriment.''
** Under thy mantle black there hidden lie&lt;br /&gt;Light-shunning theft and traitorous intent,&lt;br /&gt;Abhorred bloodshed and vile felony,&lt;br /&gt;Shameful deceit and danger imminent,&lt;br /&gt;Foul horror and eke hellish dreariment.
*** Bk. III, Canto IV, stanza 58
*** Note: ''dreariment''=sorrow


[[File:Belphoebe helps Timias.jpg|thumb|Whether it '''divine tobacco''' were,&lt;br /&gt;Or panachaea, or polygony,&lt;br /&gt;She found and brought it to her patient dear.]]
* ''Whether yt diuine ''Tobacco'' were,&lt;br /&gt;Or ''Panachæa'', or ''Polygony'',&lt;br /&gt;Shee fownd, and brought it to her patient deare.''
** Whether it divine tobacco were,&lt;br /&gt;Or panachaea, or polygony,&lt;br /&gt;She found and brought it to her patient dear.
*** Bk. III, Canto V, stanza 32
*** Note: [[John Aubrey]], in his ''[[w:Brief Lives|Brief Lives]]'', says that [[Walter Raleigh]] (Spenser's friend) &quot;was the first that brought tobacco into England and into fashion&quot;; ''panachaea''=[[w:Panacea (medicine)|panacea]] (a herb supposed to cure all diseases—cf. [[Virgil]], ''Aeneid'' [19 BCE] 12.419: ''panaceam'', &quot;all-heal&quot;; [[Lucan]], ''Pharsalia'' [c. 60 CE] 9.918: ''panacea''; [[Ariosto]], ''Orlando Furioso'' [1532], 19.22.3: ''panacea''); ''polygony''=''[[w:Polygonatum|polygonatum]]'' (a herb commonly known as Solomon's seal)


* ''O foolish physick, and vnfruitfull paine,&lt;br /&gt;That heales vp one and makes another wound:&lt;br /&gt;She his hurt thigh to him recurd againe,&lt;br /&gt;But hurt his hart, the which before was sound.''
** O foolish physic, and unfruitful pain,&lt;br /&gt;That heals up one, and makes another wound!&lt;br /&gt;She his hurt thigh to him recured again,&lt;br /&gt;But hurt his heart, the which before was sound.
*** Bk. III, Canto V, stanza 42
*** Note: ''pain''=pains, labour


* ''Thus warreid he long time against his will,&lt;br /&gt;Till that through weaknesse he was forst at last,&lt;br /&gt;To yield himselfe vnto the mightie ill:&lt;br /&gt;Which as a victour proud, gan ransack fast&lt;br /&gt;His inward partes, and all his entrayles wast,&lt;br /&gt;That neither blood in face, nor life in hart&lt;br /&gt;It left, but both did quite drye vp, and blast;&lt;br /&gt;As percing leuin, which the inner part&lt;br /&gt;Of euery thing consumes, and calcineth by art.''
** Thus warred he long time against his will,&lt;br /&gt;Till that through weakness he was forced at last&lt;br /&gt;To yield himself unto the mighty ill,&lt;br /&gt;Which, as a victor proud, 'gan ransack fast&lt;br /&gt;His inward parts and all his entrails waste,&lt;br /&gt;That neither blood in face nor life in heart&lt;br /&gt;It left, but both did quite dry up and blast:&lt;br /&gt;As piercing levin, which the inner part&lt;br /&gt;Of everything consumes and calcineth by art.
*** Bk. III, Canto V, stanza 48; of Timias (Arthur's squire)
*** Note: ''levin''=lightning; ''calcineth''=reduces to powder


* ''Litle shee weend, that loue he close conceald;&lt;br /&gt;Yet still he wasted, as the snow congeald,&lt;br /&gt;When the bright sunne his beams theron doth beat.''
** Little she weened that love he close concealed;&lt;br /&gt;Yet still he wasted as the snow congealed,&lt;br /&gt;When the bright sun his beams thereon doth beat.
*** Bk. III, Canto V, stanza 49; of Belphoebe and Timias
*** Note: ''weened''=thought
*** Compare:
**** ''La misera si strugge, come falda&lt;br /&gt;strugger di nieve intempestiva suole,&lt;br /&gt;ch’in loco aprico abbia scoperta il sole.''
***** The poor damsel wasted away, as a patch of snow out of season will waste when exposed on open ground to the sun.
****** [[Ariosto]], ''[[Orlando Furioso]]'' (1532), 19.29.6–8 (Guido Waldman's 1983 World's Classics translation)


* So all did make in her a perfect complement.
** Bk. III, Canto V, stanza 55


[[File:The Birth of Belphoebe and Amoret.jpg|thumb|Her birth was of the womb of morning dew,&lt;br /&gt;And her conception of the joyous prime.]]
* ''Her berth was of the wombe of Morning dew,&lt;br /&gt;And her conception of the ioyous Prime.''
** '''Her birth was of the womb of morning dew''',&lt;br /&gt;And her conception of the joyous prime.
*** Bk. III, Canto VI, stanza 3; of Belphoebe
*** Note: ''prime''=spring (the prime of the year)
*** Compare:
**** The dew of thy birth is of the womb of the morning.
***** [[Psalm]] 110:3 ([[Myles Coverdale|Coverdale]]'s translation of 1535)


* ''Roses red, and violets blew,&lt;br /&gt;And all the sweetest flowres, that in the forrest grew.''
** Roses red and violets blue&lt;br /&gt;And all the sweetest flowers that in the forest grew.
*** Bk. III, Canto VI, stanza 6


* ''All that in this delightfull Gardin growes,&lt;br /&gt;Should happy bee, and haue immortall blis.''
** All that in this delightful garden grows&lt;br /&gt;Should happy be and have immortal bliss.
*** Bk. III, Canto VI, stanza 41; the Garden of [[w:Adonis|Adonis]]


* ''There is continuall Spring, and haruest there&lt;br /&gt;Continuall, both meeting at one tyme:&lt;br /&gt;For both the boughes doe laughing blossoms beare,&lt;br /&gt;And with fresh colours decke the wanton Pryme,&lt;br /&gt;And eke attonce the heauenly trees they clyme,&lt;br /&gt;Which seeme to labour vnder their fruites lode:&lt;br /&gt;The whiles the ioyous birdes make their pastyme&lt;br /&gt;Emongst the shady leaues, their sweet abode,&lt;br /&gt;And their trew loues without suspition tell abrode.''
** There is continual spring, and harvest there&lt;br /&gt;Continual, both meeting at one time:&lt;br /&gt;For both the boughs do laughing blossoms bear&lt;br /&gt;And with fresh colours deck the wanton prime,&lt;br /&gt;And eke at once the heavy trees they climb,&lt;br /&gt;Which seem to labour under their fruits' load;&lt;br /&gt;The whiles the joyous birds make their pastime&lt;br /&gt;Amongst the shady leaves, their sweet abode,&lt;br /&gt;And their true loves without suspicion tell abroad.
*** Bk. III, Canto VI, stanza 42; the Garden of Adonis
*** Note: ''prime''=spring


* ''And in the thickest couert of that shade,&lt;br /&gt;There was a pleasaunt Arber, not by art,&lt;br /&gt;But of the trees owne inclination made,&lt;br /&gt;Which knitting their rancke braunches part to part,&lt;br /&gt;With wanton yuie twyne entrayld athwart,&lt;br /&gt;And Eglantine, and Caprifole emong,&lt;br /&gt;Fashiond aboue within their inmost part,&lt;br /&gt;That nether Phoebus beams could through thẽ thrõg,&lt;br /&gt;Nor Aeolus sharp blast could worke them any wrong.''
** And in the thickest covert of that shade&lt;br /&gt;There was a pleasant arbour, not by art&lt;br /&gt;But of the trees' own inclination made,&lt;br /&gt;Which, knitting their rank branches part to part,&lt;br /&gt;With wanton ivy twine entrailed athwart,&lt;br /&gt;And eglantine and caprifole among,&lt;br /&gt;Fashioned above within their inmost part,&lt;br /&gt;That neither [[Apollo|Phoebus]]' beams could through them throng,&lt;br /&gt;Nor [[w:Aeolus (son of Hippotes)|Aeolus]]' sharp blast could work them any wrong.
*** Bk. III, Canto VI, stanza 44; the Garden of Adonis
*** Note: ''rank''=dense, luxuriant; ''entrailed athwart''=twisted across; ''eglantine''=[[w:Rosa rubiginosa|sweet-briar]]; ''caprifole''=[[w:Lonicera caprifolium|honeysuckle]], woodbine


* ''With that adowne out of her christall eyne&lt;br /&gt;Few trickling teares she softly forth let fall,&lt;br /&gt;That like two orient perles, did purely shyne&lt;br /&gt;Vpon her snowy cheeke.''
** With that, adown out of her crystal eyne&lt;br /&gt;Few trickling [[tears]] she softly forth let fall,&lt;br /&gt;That like to orient pearls did purely shine&lt;br /&gt;Upon her snowy cheek.
*** Bk. III, Canto VII, stanza 9


[[File:Florimell saved by Proteus (Crane, 1895-1897).jpg|thumb|Hard is to teach an old horse amble true.]]
* ''Hard is to teach an old horse amble trew.''
** Hard is to teach an old horse amble true.
*** Bk. III, Canto VIII, stanza 26


[[File:Gilded Cage-George Hare.jpg|thumb|A fool I do him firmly hold&lt;br /&gt;That loves his fetters, though they were of gold.]]
* ''A foole I doe him firmely hold,&lt;br /&gt;That loues his fetters, though they were of gold.''
** A fool I do him firmly hold&lt;br /&gt;That loves his fetters, though they were of gold.
*** Bk. III, Canto IX, stanza 8


[[File:Lefebvre_La_mort_de_Priam.JPG|thumb|[Man] that flowers so fresh at morn, and fades at evening late.]]
* ''Mans wretched state,&lt;br /&gt;That floures so fresh at morne, &amp; fades at euening late.''
** Man's wretched state,&lt;br&gt;That flowers so fresh at morn, and fades at evening late.
*** Bk. III, Canto IX, stanza 39


* ''A famous history to bee enrold&lt;br /&gt;In euerlasting moniments of brasse.''
** A famous history to be enrolled&lt;br /&gt;In everlasting monuments of brass.
*** Bk. III, Canto IX, stanza 50


* ''And otherwhyles with amorous delights,&lt;br /&gt;And pleasing toyes he would her entertaine,&lt;br /&gt;Now singing sweetly, to surprize her sprights,&lt;br /&gt;Now making layes of loue and louers paine,&lt;br /&gt;Bransles, Ballads, virelayes, and verses vaine;&lt;br /&gt;Oft purposes, oft riddles he deuysd,&lt;br /&gt;And thousands like, which flowed in his braine,&lt;br /&gt;With which he sed her fancy, and entysd&lt;br /&gt;To take with his new loue, and leaue her old despysd.''
** And otherwhiles with amorous delights&lt;br /&gt;And pleasing toys he would her entertain,&lt;br /&gt;Now singing sweetly to surprise her sprites,&lt;br /&gt;Now making lays of love and lovers' pain,&lt;br /&gt;Bransles, ballads, virelays and verses vain;&lt;br /&gt;Oft purposes, oft riddles he devised,&lt;br /&gt;And thousands like which flowed in his brain,&lt;br /&gt;With which he fed her fancy and enticed&lt;br /&gt;To take to his new love and leave her old despised.
*** Bk. III, Canto X, stanza 8


[[File:The Faerie queene- (1859) (14768353991).jpg|thumb|And painful pleasure turns to '''pleasing pain'''.]]
* ''Yet can he neuer dye, but dying liues,&lt;br /&gt;And doth himselfe with sorrow new sustaine,&lt;br /&gt;That death and life attonce vnto him giues.&lt;br /&gt;And painefull pleasure turnes to pleasing paine.''
** Yet can he never die, but dying lives,&lt;br /&gt;And doth himself with sorrow new sustain,&lt;br /&gt;That death and life at once unto him gives,&lt;br /&gt;'''And painful pleasure turns to pleasing pain.'''
*** Bk. III, Canto X, stanza 60


[[File:NSRW Edmund Spenser.jpg|thumb|Foul Jealousy, that turnest love divine&lt;br /&gt;To joyless dread, and makest the loving heart&lt;br /&gt;With hateful thoughts to languish and to pine&lt;br /&gt;And feed itself with self-consuming smart:&lt;br /&gt;Of all the passions in the mind thou vilest art.]]
* ''Fowle Gealosy, that turnest loue diuine&lt;br /&gt;To ioylesse dread, and mak'st the louing hart&lt;br /&gt;With hatefull thoughts to languish and to pine,&lt;br /&gt;And feed it selfe with selfe-consuming smart?&lt;br /&gt;Of all the passions in the mind thou vilest art.''
** Foul [[Jealousy]], that turnest love divine&lt;br /&gt;To joyless dread, and makest the loving heart&lt;br /&gt;With hateful thoughts to languish and to pine&lt;br /&gt;And feed itself with self-consuming smart:&lt;br /&gt;Of all the passions in the mind thou vilest art.
*** Bk. III, Canto XI, stanza 1


* ''Life is not lost, (said she) for which is bought&lt;br&gt;Endlesse renowm.''
** &quot;Life is not lost,&quot; said she, &quot;for which is bought&lt;br&gt;Endless renown.&quot;
*** Bk. III, Canto XI, stanza 19; spoken by Britomart


[[File:Fuseli – Britomart.jpg|thumb|''Be bold, be bold'', and everywhere ''Be bold.'']]
[[File:George Frederic Watts (1817-1904) - Britomart - 1929P527 - Birmingham Museums Trust.jpg|thumb|''Be not too bold.'']]
* ''And as she lookt about, she did behold,&lt;br /&gt;How ouer that same dore was likewise writ,&lt;br /&gt;''Be bolde, be bolde'', and euery where ''Be bold'',&lt;br /&gt;That much she muz'd, yet could not construe it&lt;br /&gt;By any ridling skill, or commune wit.&lt;br /&gt;At last she spyde at that rowmes vpper end,&lt;br /&gt;Another yron dore, on which was writ,&lt;br /&gt;''Be not too bold''.''
** '''And as she looked about, she did behold&lt;br /&gt;How over that same door was likewise writ,&lt;br /&gt;''Be bold, be bold'', and everywhere ''Be bold''''',&lt;br /&gt;That much she mused, yet could not construe it&lt;br /&gt;By any riddling skill or common wit.&lt;br /&gt;'''At last she spied at that room's upper end&lt;br /&gt;Another iron door, on which was writ,&lt;br /&gt;''Be not too bold.'''''
*** Bk. III, Canto XI, stanza 54
*** Compare:
**** ''De l'audace, encore de l'audace, et toujours de l'audace.''
***** Boldness, again boldness, and ever boldness.
****** [[Georges-Jacques Danton]], speech in the National Assembly at Paris (2 September 1792)


* ''Next him was ''Feare'', all arm'd from top to toe,&lt;br /&gt;Yet thought himselfe not safe enough thereby,&lt;br /&gt;But feard each shadow mouing too or froe,&lt;br /&gt;And his owne armes when glittering he did spy,&lt;br /&gt;Or clashing heard, he fast away did fly,&lt;br /&gt;As ashes pale of hew, and winged heeld;&lt;br /&gt;And euermore on daunger fixt his eye,&lt;br /&gt;Gainst whom he alwayes bent a brasen shield,&lt;br /&gt;Which his right hand vnarmed fearefully did wield.''
** Next him was [[Fear]], all armed from top to toe,&lt;br /&gt;Yet thought himself not safe enough thereby,&lt;br /&gt;But feared each shadow moving to and fro;&lt;br /&gt;And his own arms when glittering he did spy&lt;br /&gt;Or clashing heard, he fast away did fly,&lt;br /&gt;As ashes pale of hue and wingy-heeled;&lt;br /&gt;And evermore on danger fixed his eye,&lt;br /&gt;'Gainst whom he always bent a brazen shield,&lt;br /&gt;Which his right hand unarmed fearfully did wield.
*** Bk. III, Canto XII, stanza 12


* ''With him went ''Hope'' in rancke, a handsome Mayd,&lt;br /&gt;Of chearefull looke and louely to behold;&lt;br /&gt;In silken samite she was light arayd,&lt;br /&gt;And her fayre lockes were wouen vp in gold;&lt;br /&gt;She alway smyld, and in her hand did hold&lt;br /&gt;An holy water Sprinckle, dipt in deowe,&lt;br /&gt;With which slie sprinckled fauours manifold,&lt;br /&gt;On whom she list, and did great liking sheowe,&lt;br /&gt;Great liking vnto many, but true loue to feowe.''
** With him went [[Hope]] in rank, a handsome maid,&lt;br /&gt;Of cheerful look and lovely to behold;&lt;br /&gt;In silken samite she was light arrayed,&lt;br /&gt;And her fair locks were woven up in gold;&lt;br /&gt;She always smiled, and in her hand did hold&lt;br /&gt;A holy-water sprinkle dipped in dew,&lt;br /&gt;With which she sprinkled favours manifold&lt;br /&gt;On whom she list, and did great liking show;&lt;br /&gt;Great liking unto many, but true love to few.
*** Bk. III, Canto XII, stanza 13


* ''He lowrd on her with daungerous eyeglaunce;&lt;br /&gt;Shewing his nature in his countenaunce;&lt;br /&gt;His rolling eies did neuer rest in place,&lt;br /&gt;But walkte each where, for feare of hid mischaunce,&lt;br /&gt;Holding a lattis still before his face,&lt;br /&gt;Through which he stil did peep, as forward he did pace.''
** He lowered on her with dangerous eye-glance,&lt;br /&gt;Showing his nature in his countenance;&lt;br /&gt;His rolling eyes did never rest in place,&lt;br /&gt;But walked each where for fear of hid mischance,&lt;br /&gt;Holding a lattice still before his face,&lt;br /&gt;Through which he still did peep as forward he did pace.
*** Bk. III, Canto XII, stanza 15; description of Suspect (a personification of [[Suspicion]]) in the &quot;masque of Cupid&quot;, which Britomart witnesses in the house of Busirane
&lt;br /&gt;

==== Letter to Raleigh ====
* ''The generall end therefore of all the booke is to fashion a gentleman or noble person in vertuous and gentle discipline.''
** The general end therefore of all the book is to fashion a gentleman or noble person in virtuous and gentle discipline.
*** [[Edmund Spenser]]'s prefatory letter to [[Walter Raleigh]], dated 23 January 1589 ([[w:Old Style and New Style dates|Old Style]]; 1590 New Style), appended to the 1590 edition of ''The Faerie Queene''
&lt;br /&gt;

==== Dedicatory Sonnets ====
[[File:Sir Christopher Hatton from NPG (2) cropped.jpg|thumb|The rugged brow of careful policy.]]
* ''So you great Lord, that with your counsell sway&lt;br /&gt;The burdeine of this kingdom mightily,&lt;br /&gt;With like delightes sometimes may eke delay,&lt;br /&gt;The rugged brow of carefull Policy.''
** So you, great lord, that with your counsel sway&lt;br /&gt;The burden of this kingdom mightily,&lt;br /&gt;With like delights sometimes may eke delay&lt;br /&gt;The rugged brow of careful policy.
*** Edmund Spenser's dedicatory sonnet to [[Christopher Hatton]], appended to the 1590 edition of ''The Faerie Queene''
*** Note: ''eke''=also; ''delay''=smooth
&lt;br /&gt;

=== Books IV–VI (1596) ===
==== Book IV ====
[[File:Geoffrey Chaucer (17th century).jpg|thumb|Dan Chaucer, well of English undefiled.]]
* ''Dan ''Chaucer'', well of English vndefyled,&lt;br /&gt;On Fames eternall beadroll worthie to be fyled.''
** '''Dan [[Geoffrey Chaucer|Chaucer]], well of English undefiled,&lt;br /&gt;On Fame's eternal beadroll worthy to be filed.'''
*** Bk. IV, Canto II, stanza 32


* ''Borne of one mother in one happie mold,&lt;br /&gt;Borne at one burden in one happie morne.''
** Born of one mother in one happy mould,&lt;br /&gt;Born at one burden in one happy morn.
*** Bk. IV, Canto II, stanza 41


* ''And with vnwearied fingers drawing out&lt;br /&gt;The lines of life, from liuing knowledge hid.''
** And with unwearied fingers drawing out&lt;br /&gt;The lines of life, from living knowledge hid.
*** Bk. IV, Canto II, stanza 48


[[File:Atropos.jpg|thumb|Most wretched men, whose days depend on threads so vain!]]
* ''That cruell ''Atropos'' eftsoones vndid,&lt;br /&gt;With cursed knife cutting the twist in twaine:&lt;br /&gt;Most wretched men, whose dayes depend on thrids so vaine.''
** That cruel [[w:Atropos|Atropos]] eftsoons undid,&lt;br /&gt;With cursed knife cutting the twist in twain:&lt;br /&gt;Most wretched men, whose days depend on threads so vain!
*** Bk. IV, Canto II, stanza 48
*** Note: Atropos was one of the [[w:Moirai|Three Fatal Sisters]], whose office it was to cut the thread of life


[[File:Nymph and satyr, by Gerard van Honthorst.jpg|thumb|Sweet is the love that comes alone with willingness.]]
* ''Sweete is the loue that comes alone with willingnesse.''
** Sweet is the love that comes alone with willingness.
*** Bk. IV, Canto V, stanza 25


* ''Rude was his garment, and to rags all rent,&lt;br /&gt;Ne better had he, ne for better cared:&lt;br /&gt;With blistred hands emongst the cinders brent,&lt;br /&gt;And fingers filthie, with long nayles vnpared,&lt;br /&gt;Right fit to rend the food, on which he fared.&lt;br /&gt;His name was ''Care''; a blacksmith by his trade,&lt;br /&gt;That neither day nor night from working spared,&lt;br /&gt;But to small purpose yron wedges made;&lt;br /&gt;Those be vnquiet thoughts, that carefull minds inuade.''
** Rude was his garment, and to rags all rent;&lt;br /&gt;Nor better had he, nor for better cared:&lt;br /&gt;With blistered hands amongst the cinders brent,&lt;br /&gt;And fingers filthy, with long nails unpared,&lt;br /&gt;Right fit to rend the food on which he fared.&lt;br /&gt;His name was [[Care]]; a blacksmith by his trade,&lt;br /&gt;That neither day nor night from working spared,&lt;br /&gt;But to small purpose iron wedges made;&lt;br /&gt;Those be unquiet thoughts that careful minds invade.
*** Bk. IV, Canto V, stanza 35
*** Note: ''brent''=burnt; ''careful''=full of care


* ''What equall torment to the griefe of mind,&lt;br /&gt;And pyning anguish hid in gentle hart,&lt;br /&gt;That inly feeds it selfe with thoughts vnkind,&lt;br /&gt;And nourisheth her owne consuming smart?&lt;br /&gt;What medicine can any Leaches art&lt;br /&gt;Yeeld such a sore, that doth her grieuance hide,&lt;br /&gt;And will to none her maladie impart?''
** What equal torment to the [[grief]] of mind,&lt;br /&gt;And pining anguish hid in gentle heart,&lt;br /&gt;That inly feeds itself with thoughts unkind,&lt;br /&gt;And nourisheth her own confusing smart?&lt;br /&gt;What medicine can any leech's art&lt;br /&gt;Yield such a sore, that doth her grievance hide,&lt;br /&gt;And will to none her malady impart?
*** Bk. IV, Canto VI, stanza 1


* ''All she did was but to weare out day.&lt;br /&gt;Full oftentimes she leaue of him did take;&lt;br /&gt;And eft againe deuiz'd some what to say,&lt;br /&gt;Which she forgot, whereby excuse to make:&lt;br /&gt;So loth she was his companie for to forsake.''
** All she did was but to wear out day.&lt;br /&gt;Full oftentimes she leave of him did take;&lt;br /&gt;And oft again devised somewhat to say,&lt;br /&gt;Which she forgot, whereby excuse to make:&lt;br /&gt;So loath she was his company for to forsake.
*** Bk. IV, Canto VI, stanza 45


* ''Yet was he but a Squire of low degree.''
** Yet was he but a squire of low degree.
*** Bk. IV, Canto VII, stanza 15


* ''A foule and loathly creature sure in sight,&lt;br /&gt;And in conditions to be loath'd no lesse:&lt;br /&gt;For she was stuft with rancour and despight&lt;br /&gt;Vp to the throat, that oft with bitternesse&lt;br /&gt;It forth would breake, and gush in great excesse,&lt;br /&gt;Pouring out streames of poyson and of gall&lt;br /&gt;Gainst all, that truth or vertue doe professe,&lt;br /&gt;Whom she with leasings lewdly did miscall,&lt;br /&gt;And wickedly backbite: Her name men Sclaunder call.''
** A foul and loathly creature sure in sight,&lt;br /&gt;And in conditions to be loathed no less:&lt;br /&gt;For she was stuffed with rancour and despite&lt;br /&gt;Up to the throat, that oft with bitterness&lt;br /&gt;It forth would break and gush in great excess,&lt;br /&gt;Pouring out streams of poison and of gall&lt;br /&gt;'Gainst all that truth or virtue do profess;&lt;br /&gt;Whom she with leasings lewdly did miscall&lt;br /&gt;And wickedly backbite; her name men [[Slander]] call.
*** Bk. IV, Canto VIII, stanza 24


* ''For like the stings of Aspes, that kill with smart,&lt;br /&gt;Her spightfull words did pricke, &amp; wound the inner part.''
** For, like the stings of asps that kill with smart,&lt;br /&gt;Her spiteful words did prick and wound the inner part.
*** Bk. IV, Canto VIII, stanza 26


[[File:Wedding rings.jpg|thumb|From that day forth, in peace and joyous bliss&lt;br /&gt;They lived together long without debate;&lt;br /&gt;Nor private jar, nor spite of enemies,&lt;br /&gt;Could shake the safe assurance of their state.]]
* ''From that day forth in peace and ioyous blis,&lt;br /&gt;They liu'd together long without debate,&lt;br /&gt;Ne priuate iarre, ne spite of enemis&lt;br /&gt;Could shake the safe assuraunce of their state.''
** From that day forth, in peace and joyous bliss&lt;br /&gt;They lived together long without debate;&lt;br /&gt;Nor private jar, nor spite of enemies,&lt;br /&gt;Could shake the safe assurance of their state.
*** Bk. IV, Canto IX, stanza 16; of the [[marriage]] between Poeana and Placidas


* ''Faint friends when they fall out, most cruell fomen bee.''
** Faint friends when they fall out most cruel foemen be.
*** Bk. IV, Canto IX, stanza 27


* ''True he it said, what euer man it sayd,&lt;br /&gt;That loue with gall and hony doth abound,&lt;br /&gt;But if the one be with the other wayd,&lt;br /&gt;For euery dram of hony therein found,&lt;br /&gt;A pound of gall doth ouer it redound.''
** True he it said, whatever man it said,&lt;br /&gt;That [[love]] with gall and honey doth abound;&lt;br /&gt;But if the one be with the other weighed,&lt;br /&gt;For every dram of honey therein found&lt;br /&gt;A pound of gall doth over it redound.
*** Bk. IV, Canto X, stanza 1


* ''His name was ''Doubt'', that had a double face,&lt;br /&gt;Th'one forward looking, th'other backeward bent,&lt;br /&gt;Therein resembling ''Ianus'' auncient,&lt;br /&gt;Which hath in charge the ingate of the yeare:&lt;br /&gt;And euermore his eyes about him went,&lt;br /&gt;As if some proued perill he did feare,&lt;br /&gt;Or did misdoubt some ill, whose cause did not appeare.''
** His name was [[Doubt]], that had a double face,&lt;br /&gt;The one forward looking, the other backward bent,&lt;br /&gt;Therein resembling Janus ancient,&lt;br /&gt;Which had in charge the ingate of the year:&lt;br /&gt;And evermore his eyes about him went,&lt;br /&gt;As if some proved peril he did fear,&lt;br /&gt;Or did misdoubt some ill, whose cause did not appear.
*** Bk. IV, Canto X, stanza 12


[[File:John Dickson Batten—The Garden of Adonis—Amoretta and Time—1887.jpg|thumb|For all that nature by her mother-wit&lt;br /&gt;Could frame in earth.]]
* ''For all that nature by her mother wit&lt;br /&gt;Could frame in earth.''
** '''For all that nature by her [[mother]]-[[wit]]&lt;br /&gt;Could frame in earth.'''
*** Bk. IV, Canto X, stanza 21


* ''And her against sweet Cherefulnesse was placed,&lt;br /&gt;Whose eyes like twinkling stars in euening cleare,&lt;br /&gt;Were deckt with smyles, that all sad humors chaced,&lt;br /&gt;And darted forth delights, the which her goodly graced.''
** And her against sweet [[Cheerfulness]] was placed,&lt;br /&gt;Whose eyes, like twinkling stars in evening clear,&lt;br /&gt;Were decked with smiles that all sad humours chased,&lt;br /&gt;And darted forth delights the which her goodly graced.
*** Bk. IV, Canto X, stanza 50


* ''Ne lesse was she in secret hart affected,&lt;br /&gt;But that she masked it with modestie,&lt;br /&gt;For feare she should of lightnesse be detected.''
** Nor less was she in secret heart affected,&lt;br /&gt;But that she masked it with modesty,&lt;br /&gt;For fear she should of lightness be detected.
*** Bk. IV, Canto XII, stanza 35
&lt;br /&gt;

==== Book V ====
[[File:EdmundSpenser.jpg|thumb|Me seems the world is run quite out of square&lt;br /&gt;From the first point of his appointed source;&lt;br /&gt;And, being once amiss, grows daily worse and worse.]]

* ''Me seemes the world is runne quite out of square,&lt;br /&gt;From the first point of his appointed sourse,&lt;br /&gt;And being once amisse growes daily wourse and wourse.''
** Me seems the world is run quite out of square&lt;br /&gt;From the first point of his appointed source;&lt;br /&gt;And, being once amiss, grows daily worse and worse.
*** Bk. V, Proem, stanza 1


* ''For that which all men then did vertue call,&lt;br /&gt;Is now cald vice; and that which vice was hight,&lt;br /&gt;Is now hight vertue, and so vs'd of all:&lt;br /&gt;Right now is wrong, and wrong that was is right.''
** For that which all men then did virtue call,&lt;br /&gt;Is now called vice; and that which vice was hight,&lt;br /&gt;Is now hight virtue, and so used of all;&lt;br /&gt;Right now is wrong, and wrong that was is right.
*** Bk. V, Proem, stanza 4


[[File:Edmund blair leighton accolade.jpg|thumb|Nought is more honorable to a knight,&lt;br /&gt;Nor better doth beseem brave chivalry,&lt;br /&gt;Than to defend the feeble in their right&lt;br /&gt;And wrong redress in such as wend awry.]]
* ''Nought is more honorable to a knight,&lt;br /&gt;Ne better doth beseeme braue cheualry,&lt;br /&gt;Then to defend the feeble in their right,&lt;br /&gt;And wrong redresse in such as wend awry.''
** Nought is more honorable to a knight,&lt;br /&gt;Nor better doth beseem brave chivalry,&lt;br /&gt;Than to defend the feeble in their right&lt;br /&gt;And wrong redress in such as wend awry.
*** Bk. V, Canto II, stanza 1


[[File:The Giant with the Scales.jpg|thumb|For there is nothing lost that may be found if sought.]]
* ''For whatsoeuer from one place doth fall,&lt;br /&gt;Is with the tide vnto an other brought:&lt;br /&gt;For there is nothing lost, that may be found, if sought.''
** For whatsoever from one place doth fall&lt;br /&gt;Is with the tide unto another brought:&lt;br /&gt;For there is nothing lost that may be found if sought.
*** Bk. V, Canto II, stanza 39


[[File:Michelangelo, Creation of Adam 06.jpg|thumb|He maketh kings to sit in sovereignty;&lt;br /&gt;He maketh subjects to their power obey;&lt;br /&gt;He pulleth down, He setteth up on high;&lt;br /&gt;He gives to this, from that He takes away:&lt;br /&gt;For all we have is His: what He list do, He may.]]
* ''He maketh Kings to sit in souerainty;&lt;br /&gt;He maketh subiects to their powre obay;&lt;br /&gt;He pulleth downe, he setteth vp on hy;&lt;br /&gt;He giues to this, from that he takes away.&lt;br /&gt;For all we haue is his: what he list doe, he may.''
** He maketh kings to sit in sovereignty;&lt;br /&gt;He maketh subjects to their power obey;&lt;br /&gt;He pulleth down, he setteth up on high;&lt;br /&gt;He gives to this, from that he takes away:&lt;br /&gt;For all we have is his: what he list do, he may.
*** Bk. V, Canto II, stanza 41


* ''For take thy ballaunce, if thou be so wise,&lt;br /&gt;And weigh the winde, that vnder heauen doth blow;&lt;br /&gt;Or weigh the light, that in the East doth rise;&lt;br /&gt;Or weigh the thought, that frõ mans mind doth flow.''
** For take thy balance, if thou be so wise,&lt;br /&gt;And weigh the wind that under heaven doth blow;&lt;br /&gt;Or weigh the light that in the east doth rise;&lt;br /&gt;Or weigh the thought that from man's mind doth flow.
*** Bk. V, Canto II, stanza 43


[[File:john Hamilton Mortimer - Sir Arthegal, the Knight of Justice, with Talus, the Iron Man (from Spenser's `Faerie Queene') - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|Ill can he rule the great that cannot reach the small.]]
* ''Ill can he rule the great, that cannot reach the small.''
** '''Ill can he rule the great that cannot reach the small.'''
*** Bk. V, Canto II, stanza 43


* ''After long stormes and tempests ouerblowne,&lt;br /&gt;The sunne at length his ioyous face doth cleare:&lt;br /&gt;So when as fortune all her spight hath showne,&lt;br /&gt;Some blisfull houres at last must needes appeare;&lt;br /&gt;Else should afflicted wights oftimes despeire.''
** After long storms and tempests overblown,&lt;br /&gt;The sun at length his joyous face doth clear;&lt;br /&gt;So whenas fortune all her spite hath shown,&lt;br /&gt;Some blissful hours at last must needs appear;&lt;br /&gt;Else would afflicted wights oft-times despair.
*** Bk. V, Canto III, stanza 1


* ''All sodainely enflam'd with furious fit,&lt;br /&gt;Like a fell Lionesse at him she flew,&lt;br /&gt;And on his head-peece him so fiercely smit,&lt;br /&gt;That to the ground him quite she ouerthrew,&lt;br /&gt;Dismayd so with the stroke, that he no colours knew.''
** All suddenly inflamed with furious fit,&lt;br /&gt;Like a fell lioness at him she flew,&lt;br /&gt;And on his head-piece him so fiercely smit,&lt;br /&gt;That to the ground him quite she overthrew,&lt;br /&gt;Dismayed so with the stroke that he no colours knew.
*** Bk. V, Canto IV, stanza 39


[[File:Spinnrock - Hallwylska museet - 108480.tif|thumb|So hard it is to be a woman's slave!]]
* ''A sordid office for a mind so braue.&lt;br /&gt;So hard it is to be a womans slaue.''
** A sordid office for a mind so brave:&lt;br /&gt;So hard it is to be a woman's slave!
*** Bk. V, Canto V, stanza 23


* ''Nought is on earth more sacred or diuine,&lt;br /&gt;That Gods and men doe equally adore,&lt;br /&gt;Then this same vertue, that doth right define:&lt;br /&gt;For th'heuens thẽselues, whence mortal men implore&lt;br /&gt;Right in their wrongs, are rul'd by righteous lore&lt;br /&gt;Of highest ''Ioue'', who doth true iustice deale&lt;br /&gt;To his inferiour Gods, and euermore&lt;br /&gt;Therewith containes his heauenly Common-weale:&lt;br /&gt;The skill whereof to Princes hearts he doth reueale.''
** Nought is on earth more sacred or divine,&lt;br /&gt;That gods and men do equally adore,&lt;br /&gt;Than this same virtue, that doth right define;&lt;br /&gt;For the heavens themselves, whence mortal men implore&lt;br /&gt;Right in their wrongs, are ruled by righteous lore&lt;br /&gt;Of highest Jove, who doth true [[justice]] deal&lt;br /&gt;To his inferior gods, and evermore&lt;br /&gt;Therewith contains his heavenly commonweal:&lt;br /&gt;The skill whereof to princes' hearts he doth reveal.
*** Bk. V, Canto VII, stanza 1


[[File:José Echenagusía - Samson and Delilah - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|Nought under heaven so strongly doth allure&lt;br /&gt;The sense of man, and all his mind possess,&lt;br /&gt;As Beauty's lovely bait, that doth procure&lt;br /&gt;Great warriors oft their rigour to repress,&lt;br /&gt;And mighty hands forget their manliness.]]
* ''Nought vnder heauen so strongly doth allure&lt;br /&gt;The sence of man, and all his minde possesse,&lt;br /&gt;As beauties louely baite, that doth procure&lt;br /&gt;Great warriours oft their rigour to represse,&lt;br /&gt;And mighty hands forget their manlinesse;&lt;br /&gt;Drawne with the powre of an heart-robbing eye,&lt;br /&gt;And wrapt in fetters of a golden tresse,&lt;br /&gt;That can with melting pleasaunce mollifye&lt;br /&gt;Their hardned hearts, enur'd to bloud and cruelty.''
** Nought under heaven so strongly doth allure&lt;br /&gt;The sense of man, and all his mind possess,&lt;br /&gt;As [[Beauty]]'s lovely bait, that doth procure&lt;br /&gt;Great warriors oft their rigour to repress,&lt;br /&gt;And mighty hands forget their manliness;&lt;br /&gt;Drawn with the power of an heart-robbing eye,&lt;br /&gt;And wrapped in fetters of a golden tress,&lt;br /&gt;That can with melting pleasance mollify&lt;br /&gt;Their hardened hearts, inured to blood and cruelty.
*** Bk. V, Canto VIII, stanza 1


* ''Some Clarkes doe doubt in their deuicefull art,&lt;br /&gt;Whether this heauenly thing, whereof I treat,&lt;br /&gt;To weeten ''Mercie'', be of Iustice part,&lt;br /&gt;Or drawne forth from her by diuine extreate.&lt;br /&gt;This well I wote, that sure she is as great,&lt;br /&gt;And meriteth to haue as high a place,&lt;br /&gt;Sith in th'Almighties euerlasting seat&lt;br /&gt;She first was bred, and borne of heauenly race;&lt;br /&gt;From thence pour'd down on men, by influence of grace.''
** Some clerks do doubt, in their deviceful art,&lt;br /&gt;Whether this heavenly thing whereof I treat,&lt;br /&gt;To weeten [[mercy]], be of justice part,&lt;br /&gt;Or drawn forth from her by divine extreat:&lt;br /&gt;This well I wot, that sure she is as great,&lt;br /&gt;And meriteth to have as high a place,&lt;br /&gt;Sith in the Almighty's everlasting seat&lt;br /&gt;She first was bred and born of heavenly race;&lt;br /&gt;From thence poured down on men by influence of grace.
*** Bk. V, Canto X, stanza 1


[[File: Vrouwejustitia.jpg|thumb|It often falls, in course of common life,&lt;br /&gt;That right long time is overborne of wrong,&lt;br /&gt;Through avarice, or power, or guile, or strife;&lt;br /&gt;But justice, though her doom she do prolong,&lt;br /&gt;Yet, at the last, she will her own cause right.]]
* ''It often fals in course of common life,&lt;br /&gt;That right long time is ouerborne of wrong,&lt;br /&gt;Through auarice, or powre, or guile, or strife,&lt;br /&gt;That weakens her, and makes her party strong:&lt;br /&gt;But Iustice, though her dome she doe prolong,&lt;br /&gt;Yet at the last she will her owne cause right.''
** It often falls, in course of common life,&lt;br /&gt;That right, long time, is overborne of wrong,&lt;br /&gt;Through avarice, or power, or guile, or strife,&lt;br /&gt;That weakens her, and makes her party strong;&lt;br /&gt;'''But [[Justice]], though her doom she do prolong,&lt;br /&gt;Yet, at the last, she will her own cause right.'''
*** Bk. V, Canto XI, stanza 1


* ''Dearer is loue then life, and fame then gold;&lt;br /&gt;But dearer then thẽ both, your faith once plighted hold.''
** Dearer is love than life, and fame than gold;&lt;br /&gt;But dearer than them both, your faith once plighted hold.
*** Bk. V, Canto XI, stanza 63


[[File:P493 Edmund Spenser.jpg|thumb|O sacred hunger of ambitious minds&lt;br /&gt;And impotent desire of men to reign!]]
* ''Osacred hunger of ambitious mindes,&lt;br /&gt;And impotent desire of men to raine,&lt;br /&gt;Whom neither dread of God, that deuils bindes,&lt;br /&gt;Nor lawes of men, that common weales containe,&lt;br /&gt;Nor bands of nature, that wilde beastes restraine,&lt;br /&gt;Can keepe from outrage, and from doing wrong,&lt;br /&gt;Where they may hope a kingdome to obtaine.&lt;br /&gt;No faith so firme, no trust can be so strong,&lt;br /&gt;No loue so lasting then, that may enduren long.''
** '''O sacred hunger of [[ambitious]] minds'''&lt;br /&gt;And impotent desire of men to reign,&lt;br /&gt;Whom neither dread of God, that devils binds,&lt;br /&gt;Nor laws of men, that commonweals contain,&lt;br /&gt;Nor bands of nature, that wild beasts restrain,&lt;br /&gt;Can keep from outrage and from doing wrong,&lt;br /&gt;Where they may hope a kingdom to obtain.&lt;br /&gt;No faith so firm, no trust can be so strong,&lt;br /&gt;No love so lasting then, that may enduren long.
*** Bk. V, Canto XII, stanza 1
*** Note: ''sacred''=cursed, detestable (one of the meanings of the Latin ''sacer''; see [[w:John Upton (Spenser editor)|John Upton]]'s glossary in his edition of ''Spenser's Faerie Queene'', 1758, Vol. I, p. xlv)
*** Compare:
**** ''Auri sacra fames.''
***** Accursed hunger for gold.
****** [[Virgil]], ''[[Aeneid]]'' (19 BCE), Book III, line 57 (Loeb translation by [[w:Henry Rushton Fairclough|H. Rushton Fairclough]])


* ''And made to fly, like doues, whom the Eagle doth affray.''
** And made to fly like doves, whom the eagle doth affray.
*** Bk. V, Canto XII, stanza 5


* ''Her hands were foule and durtie, neuer washt&lt;br /&gt;In all her life, with long nayles ouer raught,&lt;br /&gt;Like puttocks clawes: with th'one of which she scracht&lt;br /&gt;Her cursed head, although it itched naught;&lt;br /&gt;The other held a snake with venime fraught,&lt;br /&gt;On which she fed, and gnawed hungrily,&lt;br /&gt;As if that long she had not eaten ought;&lt;br /&gt;That round about her iawes one might descry&lt;br /&gt;The bloudie gore and poyson dropping lothsomely.''
** Her hands were foul and dirty, never washed&lt;br /&gt;In all her life, with long nails over-raught,&lt;br /&gt;Like puttock's claws with the one of which she scratched&lt;br /&gt;Her cursed head, although it itched naught;&lt;br /&gt;The other held a snake with venom fraught,&lt;br /&gt;On which she fed and gnawed hungrily,&lt;br /&gt;As if that long she had not eaten aught;&lt;br /&gt;That round about her jaws one might descry&lt;br /&gt;The bloody gore and poison dropping loathsomely.
*** Bk. V, Canto XII, stanza 30; of [[Envy]]


* ''Her face was vgly, and her mouth distort,&lt;br /&gt;Foming with poyson round about her gils,&lt;br /&gt;In which her cursed tongue full sharpe and short&lt;br /&gt;Appear'd like Aspis sting, that closely kils,&lt;br /&gt;Or cruelly does wound, whom so she wils:&lt;br /&gt;A distaffe in her other hand she had,&lt;br /&gt;Vpon the which she litle spinnes, but spils,&lt;br /&gt;And faynes to weaue false tales and leasings bad,&lt;br /&gt;To throw amongst the good, which others had disprad.''
** Her face was ugly, and her mouth distort,&lt;br /&gt;Foaming with poison round about her gills,&lt;br /&gt;In which her cursed tongue (full sharp and short)&lt;br /&gt;Appeared like asp's sting, that closely kills&lt;br /&gt;Or cruelly does wound whomso she wills;&lt;br /&gt;A distaff in her other hand she had,&lt;br /&gt;Upon the which she little spins, but spills;&lt;br /&gt;And fains to weave false tales and leasings bad,&lt;br /&gt;To throw amongst the good, which others had disprad.
*** Bk. V, Canto XII, stanza 36; of [[w:Detraction|Detraction]]


[[File:Blatant Beast.jpg|thumb|A monster, which the ''Blatant Beast'' men call;&lt;br /&gt;A dreadful fiend, of gods and men ydrad.]]
* ''A monster, which the ''Blatant beast'' men call,&lt;br /&gt;A dreadfull feend of gods and men ydrad.''
** '''A monster, which the ''Blatant Beast'' men call,&lt;br /&gt;A dreadful fiend, of gods and men ydrad.'''
*** Bk. V, Canto XII, stanza 37
&lt;br /&gt;

==== Book VI ====
[[File:Benjamin Wilson (1721-1788) - Edmund Spenser (1552–1599) - PD0071 - Pembroke College.jpg|thumb|Virtue's seat is deep within the mind,&lt;br /&gt;And not in outward shows, but inward thoughts defined.]]

* ''Yet is that glasse so gay, that it can blynd&lt;br /&gt;The wisest sight, to thinke gold that is bras.''
** Yet is that [[mirror|glass]] so gay that it can blind&lt;br /&gt;The wisest sight, to think gold that is brass.
*** Bk. VI, Proem, stanza 5; of [[fashion]]


* ''But vertues seat is deepe within the mynd,&lt;br /&gt;And not in outward shows, but inward thoughts defynd.''
** But Virtue's seat is deep within the mind,&lt;br /&gt;And not in outward shows but inward thoughts defined.
*** Bk. VI, Proem, stanza 5


* ''No greater shame to man then inhumanitie.''
** &quot;No greater shame to man than inhumanity.&quot;
*** Bk. VI, Canto I, stanza 26; spoken by Calidore


* ''In vaine he seeketh others to suppresse,&lt;br /&gt;Who hath not learnd him selfe first to subdew.''
** &quot;In vain he seeketh others to suppress&lt;br /&gt;Who hath not learned himself first to subdue.&quot;
*** Bk. VI, Canto I, stanza 41; spoken by Calidore


[[File:Sir Calidore wooes the Shepherdess.jpg|thumb|Who will not mercy unto others show,&lt;br /&gt;How can he mercy ever hope to have?]]
* ''Who will not mercie vnto others shew,&lt;br /&gt;How can he mercy euer hope to haue?''
** &quot;'''Who will not mercy unto others show,&lt;br /&gt;How can he mercy ever hope to have?'''&quot;
*** Bk. VI, Canto I, stanza 42; spoken by Calidore
*** Compare:
**** Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
***** [[Gospel of Matthew|Matthew]] 5:7 KJV


* ''What vertue is so fitting for a knight,&lt;br /&gt;Or for a Ladie, whom a knight should loue,&lt;br /&gt;As Curtesie, to beare themselues aright&lt;br /&gt;To all of each degree, as doth behoue?''
** What virtue is so fitting for a knight,&lt;br /&gt;Or for a lady whom a knight should love,&lt;br /&gt;As [[Courtesy]]; to bear themselves aright&lt;br /&gt;To all of each degree as doth behove?
*** Bk. VI, Canto II, stanza 1


[[File:Chaucer manuscrit portrait (détail).jpeg|thumb|The gentle mind by gentle deeds is known:&lt;br /&gt;For man by nothing is so well bewrayed&lt;br /&gt;As by his [[manners]].]]
* ''True is, that whilome that good Poet sayd,&lt;br /&gt;The gentle minde by gentle deeds is knowne.&lt;br /&gt;For a man by nothing is so well bewrayd,&lt;br /&gt;As by his manners, in which plaine is showne&lt;br /&gt;Of what degree and what race he is growne.''
** True is, that whilom that good poet said,&lt;br /&gt;'''The gentle mind by gentle deeds is known:&lt;br /&gt;For man by nothing is so well bewrayed&lt;br /&gt;As by his manners''', in which plain is shown&lt;br /&gt;Of what degree and what race he is grown.
*** Bk. VI, Canto III, stanza 1
*** Note: ''whilom''=formerly, once upon a time; ''bewrayed''=betrayed, revealed
*** Compare:
**** ''He is gentil that doth gentil dedis.''
***** He is gentle that does gentle deeds.
****** [[Geoffrey Chaucer]], ''Wife of Bath's Tale'' (c. 1390), line 1170


* ''He was to weete a man of full ripe yeares,&lt;br /&gt;That in his youth had beene of mickle might,&lt;br /&gt;And borne great sway in armes amongst his peares:&lt;br /&gt;But now weake age had dimd his candle light.&lt;br /&gt;Yet was he courteous still to euery wight.''
** He was to weet a man of full ripe years,&lt;br /&gt;That in his youth had been of mickle might,&lt;br /&gt;And borne great sway in arms amongst his peers;&lt;br /&gt;But now weak age had dimmed his candle-light.&lt;br /&gt;Yet was he courteous still to every wight.
*** Bk. VI, Canto III, stanza 3
*** Note: ''mickle''=much


* ''Such is the weakenesse of all mortall hope;&lt;br /&gt;So tickle is the state of earthly things,&lt;br /&gt;That ere they come vnto their aymed scope,&lt;br /&gt;They fall too short of our fraile reckonings,&lt;br /&gt;And bring vs bale and bitter sorrowings,&lt;br /&gt;In stead of comfort, which we should embrace.''
** Such is the weakness of all mortal hope;&lt;br /&gt;So tickle is the state of earthly things;&lt;br /&gt;That, ere they come unto their aimed scope,&lt;br /&gt;They fall too short of our frail reckonings,&lt;br /&gt;And bring us bale and bitter sorrowings,&lt;br /&gt;Instead of comfort which we should embrace.
*** Bk. VI, Canto III, stanza 5
*** Note: ''tickle''=unstable, uncertain


* ''Ill seemes (sayd he) if he so valiaunt be,&lt;br /&gt;That he should be so sterne to stranger wight:&lt;br /&gt;For seldome yet did liuing creature see,&lt;br /&gt;That curtesie and manhood euer disagree.''
** &quot;Ill seems,&quot; said he, &quot;if he so valiant be,&lt;br /&gt;That he should be so stern to stranger wight:&lt;br /&gt;For seldom yet did living creature see&lt;br /&gt;That [[courtesy]] and manhood ever disagree.&quot;
*** Bk. VI, Canto III, stanza 40; spoken by Calepine


* ''Mosse bestrowed,&lt;br /&gt;Must be their bed, their pillow was vnsowed.''
** Moss bestrowed&lt;br /&gt;Must be their bed; their pillow was unsewed.
*** Bk. VI, Canto IV, stanza 14


* ''Therein he them full faire did entertaine&lt;br /&gt;Not with such forged showes, as fitter beene&lt;br /&gt;For courting fooles, that curtesies would faine,&lt;br /&gt;But with entire affection and appearaunce plaine.''
** Therein he them full fair did entertain,&lt;br /&gt;Not with such forged shows, as fitter been&lt;br /&gt;For courting fools that courtesies would feign,&lt;br /&gt;But with entire affection and appearance plain.
*** Bk. VI, Canto V, stanza 38


* ''No wound, which warlike hand of enemy&lt;br /&gt;Inflicts with dint of sword, so sore doth light,&lt;br /&gt;As doth the poysnous sting, which infamy&lt;br /&gt;Infixeth in the name of noble wight:&lt;br /&gt;For by no art, nor any leaches might&lt;br /&gt;It euer can recured be againe;&lt;br /&gt;Ne all the skill, which that immortall spright&lt;br /&gt;Of ''Podalyrius'' did in it retaine,&lt;br /&gt;Can remedy such hurts; such hurts are hellish paine.''
** '''No wound, which warlike hand of enemy&lt;br /&gt;Inflicts with dint of sword, so sore doth light&lt;br /&gt;As doth the poisonous sting which infamy&lt;br /&gt;Infixeth in the name of noble wight''':&lt;br /&gt;For by no art, nor any leach's might,&lt;br /&gt;It ever can recured be again;&lt;br /&gt;Nor all the skill, which that immortal spright&lt;br /&gt;Of Podalirius did in it retain,&lt;br /&gt;Can remedy such hurts; such hurts are hellish pain.
*** Bk. VI, Canto VI, stanza 1


* ''Giue salues to euery sore, but counsell to the minde.''
** Give salves to every sore, but counsel to the mind.
*** Bk. VI, Canto VI, stanza 5


* ''Thereto, when needed, she could weepe and pray,&lt;br /&gt;And when her listed, she could fawne and flatter;&lt;br /&gt;Now smyling smoothly, like to sommers day,&lt;br /&gt;Now glooming sadly, so to cloke her matter;&lt;br /&gt;Yet were her words but wynd, &amp; all her teares but water.''
** Thereto, when needed, she could weep and pray,&lt;br /&gt;And when her listed she could fawn and flatter;&lt;br /&gt;Now smiling smoothly, like to summer's day,&lt;br /&gt;Now glooming sadly, so to cloak her matter;&lt;br /&gt;Yet were her words but wind, and all her tears but water.
*** Bk. VI, Canto VI, stanza 42; of Blandina


* ''Through thick and thin, through mountains &amp; through plains.''
** Through thick and thin, through mountains and through plains.
*** Bk. VI, Canto VII, stanza 44


* ''Ye gentle Ladies, in whose soueraine powre&lt;br /&gt;Loue hath the glory of his kingdome left,&lt;br /&gt;And th'hearts of men, as your eternall dowre,&lt;br /&gt;In yron chaines, of liberty bereft,&lt;br /&gt;Deliuered hath into your hands by gift;&lt;br /&gt;Be well aware, how ye the same doe vse,&lt;br /&gt;That pride doe not to tyranny you lift;&lt;br /&gt;Least if men you of cruelty accuse,&lt;br /&gt;He from you take that chiefedome, which ye doe abuse.''
** Ye gentle ladies, in whose sovereign power&lt;br /&gt;Love hath the glory of his kingdom left,&lt;br /&gt;And the hearts of men, as your eternal dower,&lt;br /&gt;In iron chains, of liberty bereft,&lt;br /&gt;Delivered hath into your hands by gift;&lt;br /&gt;Be well aware how ye the same do use,&lt;br /&gt;That pride do not to tyranny you lift;&lt;br /&gt;Lest, if men you of cruelty accuse,&lt;br /&gt;He from you take that chiefdom which ye do abuse.
*** Bk. VI, Canto VIII, stanza 1


* ''Then to the rest his wrathfull hand he bends,&lt;br /&gt;Of whom he makes such hauocke and such hew,&lt;br /&gt;That swarmes of damned soules to hell he sends:&lt;br /&gt;The rest that scape his sword and death eschew,&lt;br /&gt;Fly like a flocke of doues before a Faulcons vew.''
** Then to the rest his wrathful hand he bends;&lt;br /&gt;Of whom he makes such havoc and such hew,&lt;br /&gt;That swarms of damned souls to hell he sends;&lt;br /&gt;The rest, that scape his sword and death eschew,&lt;br /&gt;Fly like a flock of doves before a falcon's view.
*** Bk. VI, Canto VIII, stanza 49


[[File:Calidore and Pastorella by Gertrude Demain Hammond.jpg|thumb|'''It is the [[mind]] that maketh good or ill,&lt;br /&gt;That maketh wretch or happy, rich or poor''':&lt;br /&gt;For some that hath abundance at his will&lt;br /&gt;Hath not enough, but wants in greatest store;&lt;br /&gt;And other that hath little asks no more,&lt;br /&gt;But in that little is both rich and wise;&lt;br /&gt;For wisdom is most riches; fools therefore&lt;br /&gt;They are which fortunes do by vows devise,&lt;br /&gt;Since each unto himself his life may fortunize.]]
* ''It is the mynd, that maketh good or ill,&lt;br /&gt;That maketh wretch or happie, rich or poore:&lt;br /&gt;For some, that hath abundance at his will,&lt;br /&gt;Hath not enough, but wants in greatest store;&lt;br /&gt;And other, that hath litle, askes no more,&lt;br /&gt;But in that litle is both rich and wise.&lt;br /&gt;For wisedome is most riches; fooles therefore&lt;br /&gt;They are, which fortunes doe by vowes deuize,&lt;br /&gt;Sith each vnto himselfe his life may fortunize.''
** It is the mind that maketh good or ill,&lt;br /&gt;That maketh wretch or happy, rich or poor:&lt;br /&gt;For some that hath abundance at his will&lt;br /&gt;Hath not enough, but wants in greatest store;&lt;br /&gt;And other that hath little asks no more,&lt;br /&gt;But in that little is both rich and wise;&lt;br /&gt;For wisdom is most riches; fools therefore&lt;br /&gt;They are which fortunes do by vows devise,&lt;br /&gt;Since each unto himself his life may fortunize.
*** Bk. VI, Canto IX, stanza 30


* ''Old loue is litle worth when new is more prefard.''
** Old love is little worth when new is more preferred.
*** Bk. VI, Canto IX, stanza 40


&lt;!--[[File:Moby Dick final chase.jpg|thumb|Like as the wounded whale to shore flies from the main.]]--&gt;
* ''Which to recure, no skill of Leaches art&lt;br /&gt;Mote him auaile, but to returne againe&lt;br /&gt;To his wounds worker, that with louely dart&lt;br /&gt;Dinting his brest, had bred his restlesse paine,&lt;br /&gt;Like as the wounded Whale to shore flies fro the maine.''
** Which to recure, no skill of leach's art&lt;br /&gt;Might him avail, but to return again&lt;br /&gt;To his wound's worker, that with lovely dart&lt;br /&gt;Dinting his breast had bred his restless pain;&lt;br /&gt;Like as the wounded whale to shore flies from the main.
*** Bk. VI, Canto X, stanza 31
*** Note: ''recure''=recover, cure; ''dinting''=denting, piercing
*** This whaling simile is quoted by [[Herman Melville]] in his introductory &quot;Extracts&quot; to ''[[Moby-Dick]]'' (1851), p. xiii, as follows:
**** &quot;Which to secure, no skill of leach's art&lt;br /&gt;Mote him availle, but to returne againe&lt;br /&gt;To his wound's worker, that with lowly dart,&lt;br /&gt;Dinting his breast, had bred his restless paine,&lt;br /&gt;Like as the wounded whale to shore flies thro' the maine.&quot;


* ''The gentle heart scornes base disparagement.''
** The gentle heart scorns base disparagement.
*** Bk. VI, Canto X, stanza 37


[[File:William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1825-1905) - Elegy (1899).jpg|thumb|The joys of love, if they should ever last&lt;br /&gt;Without affliction or disquietness&lt;br /&gt;That worldly chances do amongst them cast,&lt;br /&gt;Would be on earth too great a blessedness.]]
* ''The ioyes of loue, if they should euer last,&lt;br /&gt;Without affliction or disquietnesse,&lt;br /&gt;That worldly chaunces doe amongst them cast,&lt;br /&gt;Would be on earth too great a blessednesse,&lt;br /&gt;Liker to heauen, then mortall wretchednesse.&lt;br /&gt;Therefore the winged God, to let men weet,&lt;br /&gt;That here on earth is no sure happinesse,&lt;br /&gt;A thousand sowres hath tempred with one sweet,&lt;br /&gt;To make it seeme more deare and dainty, as is meet.''
** The joys of [[love]], if they should ever last&lt;br /&gt;Without affliction or disquietness&lt;br /&gt;That worldly chances do amongst them cast,&lt;br /&gt;Would be on earth too great a blessedness,&lt;br /&gt;Liker to heaven than mortal wretchedness:&lt;br /&gt;Therefore the winged god, to let men weet&lt;br /&gt;'''That here on earth is no sure happiness''',&lt;br /&gt;A thousand sours hath tempered with one sweet,&lt;br /&gt;To make it seem more dear and dainty, as is meet.
*** Bk. VI, Canto XI, stanza 1


* &lt;p&gt;''And therein were a thousand tongs empight,&lt;br /&gt;Of sundry kindes, and sundry quality,&lt;br /&gt;Some were of dogs, that barked day and night,&lt;br /&gt;And some of cats, that wrawling still did cry.&lt;br /&gt;And some of Beares, that groynd continually,&lt;br /&gt;And some of Tygres, that did seeme to gren,&lt;br /&gt;And snar at all, that euer passed by:&lt;br /&gt;But most of them were tongues of mortall men,&lt;br /&gt;Which spake reprochfully, not caring where nor when.''&lt;/p&gt;''And them amongst were mingled here and there,&lt;br /&gt;The tongues of Serpents with three forked stings,&lt;br /&gt;That spat out poyson and gore bloudy gere&lt;br /&gt;At all, that came within his rauenings,&lt;br /&gt;And spake licentious words, and hatefull things&lt;br /&gt;Of good and bad alike, of low and hie;&lt;br /&gt;Ne Kesars spared he a whit, nor Kings,&lt;br /&gt;But either blotted them with infamie,&lt;br /&gt;Or bit them with his banefull teeth of iniury.''
** &lt;p&gt;And therein were a thousand tongues empight&lt;br /&gt;Of sundry kinds and sundry quality;&lt;br /&gt;Some were of dogs, that barked day and night,&lt;br /&gt;And some of cats, that wrawling still did cry,&lt;br /&gt;And some of bears, that groined continually,&lt;br /&gt;And some of tigers, that did seem to gren&lt;br /&gt;And snarl at all that ever passed by;&lt;br /&gt;But most of them were tongues of mortal men,&lt;br /&gt;Which spake reproachfully, not caring where nor when.&lt;/p&gt;And them amongst were mingled here and there&lt;br /&gt;The tongues of serpents, with three-forked stings,&lt;br /&gt;That spat out poison, and gore-bloody gear,&lt;br /&gt;At all that came within his ravenings;&lt;br /&gt;And spake licentious words and hateful things&lt;br /&gt;Of good and bad alike, of low and high;&lt;br /&gt;Nor kaisers spared he a whit nor kings,&lt;br /&gt;But either blotted them with infamy,&lt;br /&gt;Or bit them with his baneful teeth of injury.
*** Bk. VI, Canto XII, stanzas 27–28

{{Disputed begin}}

=== Book VII? (1609) ===
: &lt;small&gt;Note: The &quot;Two Cantos of Mutability&quot;, numbered VI and VII, (and two stanzas of an &quot;unperfite&quot; canto numbered VIII,) first appeared with the third edition of ''The Faerie Queene'', published by the bookseller Matthew Lownes in 1609, ten years after Spenser's death, and are supposed to be part of book VII. In the opinion of literary critic [[w:George Lillie Craik|George Lillie Craik]], &quot;the poetry has none of the marks of imitation, and is not only perfectly in Spenser's manner throughout, but much of it in his very highest style&quot;, and, (speaking of the unfinished canto VIII,) &quot;All will acknowledge that this is Spenser all over, in its faults as well as in its beauties, that no other could have written it but he, and that he has rarely produced anything finer&quot; (''Spenser and his Poetry'', Vol. III, pp. 97 and 122)&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Edward Burne-Jones - The Wheel of Fortune.jpg|thumb|What man that sees '''the ever-whirling wheel&lt;br /&gt;Of change''', the which all mortal things doth sway,&lt;br /&gt;But that thereby doth find, and plainly feel,&lt;br /&gt;How [[Mutability]] in them doth play&lt;br /&gt;Her cruel sports, to many men's decay?]]
* ''What man that sees the euer-whirling wheele&lt;br /&gt;Of Change, the which all mortall things doth sway,&lt;br /&gt;But that therby doth find, &amp; plainely feele,&lt;br /&gt;How ''MVTABILITY'' in them doth play&lt;br /&gt;Her cruell sports, to many mens decay?''
** '''What man that sees the ever-whirling wheel&lt;br /&gt;Of Change, the which all mortal things doth sway,&lt;br /&gt;But that thereby doth find, and plainly feel,&lt;br /&gt;How Mutability in them doth play&lt;br /&gt;Her cruel sports to many men's decay?'''
*** Bk. VII, Canto VI, stanza 1


* ''Warres and allarums vnto Nations wide.''
** Wars and alarums unto nations wide.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VI, stanza 3


* ''Good on-set boads good end.''
** Good onset bodes good end.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VI, stanza 23


* ''For, we by Conquest of our soueraine might,&lt;br /&gt;And by eternall doome of Fates decree,&lt;br /&gt;Haue wonne the Empire of the Heauens bright.''
** For we by conquest of our sovereign might,&lt;br /&gt;And by eternal doom of Fates' decree,&lt;br /&gt;Have won the empire of the heavens bright.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VI, stanza 33


[[File:XN Fruehjahrswiese 00.jpg|thumb|So forth issued the seasons of the year.&lt;br /&gt;First, lusty Spring, all dight in leaves of flowers&lt;br /&gt;That freshly budded, and new blooms did bear.]]
* ''So, forth issew'd the Seasons of the yeare;&lt;br /&gt;First, lusty ''Spring'', all dight in leaues of flowres&lt;br /&gt;That freshly budded and new bloosmes did beare&lt;br /&gt;(In which a thousand birds had built their bowres&lt;br /&gt;That sweetly sung, to call forth Paramours):&lt;br /&gt;And in his hand a iauelin he did beare,&lt;br /&gt;And on his head (as fit for warlike stoures)&lt;br /&gt;A guilt engrauen morion he did weare;&lt;br /&gt;That as some did him loue, so others did him feare.''
** So forth issued the seasons of the year.&lt;br /&gt;First, lusty [[Spring]], all dight in leaves of flowers&lt;br /&gt;That freshly budded and new blooms did bear&lt;br /&gt;(In which a thousand birds had built their bowers&lt;br /&gt;That sweetly sung to call forth paramours);&lt;br /&gt;And in his hand a javelin he did bear,&lt;br /&gt;And on his head (as fit for warlike stoures)&lt;br /&gt;A gilt-engraven morion he did wear;&lt;br /&gt;That as some did him love, so others did him fear.
*** Bk. VII, Cantos VII, stanza 28


[[File:Summer Legros Louvre MR1980.jpg|thumb|Then came the jolly [[Summer]], being dight&lt;br /&gt;In a thin silken cassock coloured green&lt;br /&gt;That was unlined all, to be more light.]]

* ''Then came the iolly ''Sommer'', being dight&lt;br /&gt;In a thin silken cassock coloured greene,&lt;br /&gt;That was vnlyned all, to be more light:&lt;br /&gt;And on his head a girlond well beseene&lt;br /&gt;He wore, from which as he had chauffed been&lt;br /&gt;The sweat did drop; and in his hand he bore&lt;br /&gt;A boawe and shaftes, as he in forrest greene&lt;br /&gt;Had hunted late the Libbard or the Bore,&lt;br /&gt;And now would bathe his limbes, with labor heated sore.''
** Then came the jolly [[Summer]], being dight&lt;br /&gt;In a thin silken cassock coloured green&lt;br /&gt;That was unlined all, to be more light,&lt;br /&gt;And on his head a garland well beseen&lt;br /&gt;He wore, from which as he had chafed been,&lt;br /&gt;The sweat did drop; and in his hand he bore&lt;br /&gt;A bow and shafts, as he in forest green&lt;br /&gt;Had hunted late the libbard or the boar,&lt;br /&gt;And now would bathe his limbs, with labour heated sore.
*** Bk. VII, Cantos VII, stanza 29


[[File:Autumn Legros Louvre MR1981.jpg|thumb|Then came the Autumn, all in yellow clad.]]

* ''Then came the ''Autumne'' all in yellow clad,&lt;br /&gt;As though he ioyed in his plentious store,&lt;br /&gt;Laden with fruits that made him laugh, full glad&lt;br /&gt;That he had banisht hunger, which to-fore&lt;br /&gt;Had by the belly oft him pinched sore.&lt;br /&gt;Vpon his head a wreath that was enrold&lt;br /&gt;With eares of corne, of euery sort he bore:&lt;br /&gt;And in his hand a sickle he did holde,&lt;br /&gt;To reape the ripened fruits the which the earth had yold.''
** Then came the [[Autumn]], all in yellow clad,&lt;br /&gt;As though he joyed in his plenteous store,&lt;br /&gt;Laden with fruits that made him laugh, full glad&lt;br /&gt;That he had banished hunger, which before&lt;br /&gt;Had by the belly oft him pinched sore;&lt;br /&gt;Upon his head a wreath, that was enrolled&lt;br /&gt;With ears of corn of every sort, he bore,&lt;br /&gt;And in his hand a sickle he did hold,&lt;br /&gt;To reap the ripened fruits the which the earth had yold.
*** Bk. VII, Cantos VII, stanza 30


[[File:Winter Legros Louvre MR1982.jpg|thumb|Lastly came Winter, clothed all in frieze,&lt;br /&gt;Chattering his teeth for cold that did him chill.]]
* ''Lastly, came ''Winter'' cloathed all in frize,&lt;br /&gt;Chattering his teeth for cold that did him chill,&lt;br /&gt;Whil'st on his hoary beard his breath did freese;&lt;br /&gt;And the dull drops that from his purpled bill&lt;br /&gt;As from a limbeck did adown distill.&lt;br /&gt;In his right hand a tipped staffe he held,&lt;br /&gt;With which his feeble steps he stayed still:&lt;br /&gt;For, he was faint with cold, and weak with eld;&lt;br /&gt;That scarse his loosed limbes he hable was to weld.''
** Lastly came [[Winter]], clothed all in frieze,&lt;br /&gt;Chattering his teeth for cold that did him chill,&lt;br /&gt;Whilst on his hoary beard his breath did freeze,&lt;br /&gt;And the dull drops that from his purpled bill,&lt;br /&gt;As from a limbeck, did adown distill;&lt;br /&gt;In his right hand a tipped staff he held,&lt;br /&gt;With which his feeble steps he stayed still:&lt;br /&gt;For he was faint with cold and weak with eld,&lt;br /&gt;That scarce his loosed limbs he able was to weld.
*** Bk. VII, Cantos VII, stanza 31


* ''First, sturdy ''March'' with brows full sternly bent,&lt;br /&gt;And armed strongly, rode vpon a Ram,&lt;br /&gt;The same which ouer ''Hellespontus'' swam:&lt;br /&gt;Yet in his hand a spade he also hent,&lt;br /&gt;And in a bag all sorts of seeds ysame,&lt;br /&gt;Which on the earth he strowed as he went,&lt;br /&gt;And fild her womb with fruitfull hope of nourishment.''
** First, sturdy [[March]], with brows full sternly bent&lt;br /&gt;And armed strongly, rode upon a ram,&lt;br /&gt;The same which over Hellespontus swam;&lt;br /&gt;Yet in his hand a spade he also hent,&lt;br /&gt;And in a bag all sorts of seeds ysame,&lt;br /&gt;Which on the earth he strewed as he went,&lt;br /&gt;And filled her womb with fruitful hope of nourishment.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 32


[[File:May - Chambers' Book of Days.jpg|thumb|Then came fair May, the fairest maid on ground,&lt;br /&gt;Decked all with dainties of her season's pride,&lt;br /&gt;And throwing flowers out of her lap around.]]
* ''Then came faire ''May'', the fayrest mayd on ground,&lt;br /&gt;Deckt all with dainties of her seasons pryde,&lt;br /&gt;And throwing flowres out of her lap around:&lt;br /&gt;Vpon two brethrens shoulders she did ride,&lt;br /&gt;The twinnes of ''Leda''; which on eyther side&lt;br /&gt;Supported her like to their soueraine Queene.''
** Then came fair [[May]], the fairest maid on ground,&lt;br /&gt;Decked all with dainties of her season's pride,&lt;br /&gt;And throwing flowers out of her lap around:&lt;br /&gt;Upon two brethren's shoulders she did ride,&lt;br /&gt;The Twins of Leda; which on either side&lt;br /&gt;Supported her like to their sovereign queen.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 34
*** Note: ''Twins of Leda''=[[w:Castor and Pollux|Castor and Pollux]]


[[File:July - Chambers' Book of Days.jpg|thumb|Then came hot July, boiling like to fire,&lt;br /&gt;That all his garments he had cast away;&lt;br /&gt;Upon a lion, raging yet with ire,&lt;br /&gt;He boldly rode and made him to obey;&lt;br /&gt;Behind his back a scythe, and by his side&lt;br /&gt;Under his belt he wore a sickle circling wide.]]
* ''Then came hot ''Iuly'' boyling like to fire,&lt;br /&gt;That all his garments he had cast away:&lt;br /&gt;Vpon a Lyon raging yet with ire&lt;br /&gt;He boldly rode and made him to obay:&lt;br /&gt;It was the beast that whylome did forray&lt;br /&gt;The Nemaean forrest, till th'''Amphytrionide''&lt;br /&gt;Him slew, and with his hide did him array;&lt;br /&gt;Behinde his back a sithe, and by his side&lt;br /&gt;Vnder his belt he bore a sickle circling wide.''
** Then came hot [[July]], boiling like to fire,&lt;br /&gt;That all his garments he had cast away;&lt;br /&gt;Upon a lion, raging yet with ire,&lt;br /&gt;He boldly rode and made him to obey;&lt;br /&gt;(It was the beast that whilom did foray&lt;br /&gt;The Nemean forest, till the Amphytrionide&lt;br /&gt;Him slew, and with his hide did him array.)&lt;br /&gt;Behind his back a scythe, and by his side&lt;br /&gt;Under his belt he wore a sickle circling wide.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 36
*** Note: ''Amphytrionide''=[[w:Hercules|Hercules]] (so called from [[w:Amphitryon|Amphitryon]], the husband of Hercules' mother [[w:Alcmene|Alcmene]])


* ''Iolly ''Iune'', arrayd&lt;br /&gt;All in greene leaues, as he a Player were.''
** Jolly [[June]], arrayed&lt;br /&gt;All in green leaves, as he a player were.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 35


* ''Next was ''Nouember'', he full grosse and fat,&lt;br /&gt;As fed with lard, and that right well might seeme;&lt;br /&gt;For, he had been a fatting hogs of late.''
** Next was [[November]]; he full gross and fat&lt;br /&gt;As fed with lard, and that right well might seem;&lt;br /&gt;For he had been a-fatting hogs of late.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 40


[[File:December - Chambers' Book of Days.jpg|thumb|And after him came next the chill December:&lt;br /&gt;Yet he, through merry feasting which he made&lt;br /&gt;And great bonfires, did  not the cold remember;&lt;br /&gt;His Saviour's birth his mind so much did glad.]]
* ''And after him, came next the chill ''December:''&lt;br /&gt;Yet he through merry feasting which he made,&lt;br /&gt;And great bonfires, did not the cold remember;&lt;br /&gt;His Sauiours birth his mind so much did glad:&lt;br /&gt;Vpon a shaggy-bearded Goat he rode,&lt;br /&gt;The same wherewith ''Dan Ioue'' in tender yeares,&lt;br /&gt;They say, was nourisht by th&lt;nowiki&gt;'&lt;/nowiki&gt;''I[d]œan'' mayd;&lt;br /&gt;And in his hand a broad deepe boawle he beares;&lt;br /&gt;Of which, he freely drinks an health to all his peeres.''
** And after him came next the chill [[December]]:&lt;br /&gt;Yet he, through merry feasting which he made&lt;br /&gt;And great bonfires, did  not the cold remember;&lt;br /&gt;His Saviour's birth his mind so much did glad.&lt;br /&gt;Upon a shaggy-bearded goat he rode,&lt;br /&gt;The same wherewith Dan Jove in tender years,&lt;br /&gt;They say, was nourished by the Idaean maid;&lt;br /&gt;And in his hand a broad deep bowl he bears,&lt;br /&gt;Of which he freely drinks a health to all his peers.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 41


[[File:Jacopo da Sellaio - Triumph of Eternity - 1485-90.jpg|thumb|But thenceforth all shall rest [[eternally]]&lt;br /&gt;With Him that is the God of Sabaoth hight.]]


* ''And after all came ''Life'', and lastly ''Death'';&lt;br /&gt;''Death'' with most grim and griesly visage seene,&lt;br /&gt;Yet is he nought but parting of the breath;&lt;br /&gt;Ne ought to see, but like a shade to weene,&lt;br /&gt;Vnbodied, vnsoul'd, vnheard, vnseene.''
** And after all came Life; and lastly [[Death]]:&lt;br /&gt;Death with most grim and grisly visage seen,&lt;br /&gt;Yet is he nought but parting of the breath;&lt;br /&gt;Nor aught to see, but like a shade to ween,&lt;br /&gt;Unbodied, unsouled, unheard, unseen.
*** Bk. VII, Cantos VII, stanza 46


* ''But ''Times'' do change and moue continually.''
** But times do change and move continually.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VII, stanza 47


[[File:Queen Elizabeth I ('The Ditchley portrait') by Marcus Gheeraerts the Younger.jpg|thumb|O that great Sabaoth God, grant me that Sabaoth's sight!]]
* ''Of that same time when no more ''Change'' shall be,&lt;br /&gt;But stedfast rest of all things firmely stayd&lt;br /&gt;Vpon the pillours of Eternity,&lt;br /&gt;That is contrayr to ''Mutabilitie:''&lt;br /&gt;For, all that moueth, doth in ''Change'' delight:&lt;br /&gt;But thence-forth all shall rest eternally&lt;br /&gt;With Him that is the God of Sabbaoth hight:&lt;br /&gt;O! that great Sabbaoth God, grant me that Sabaoths sight.''
** Of that same time when no more change shall be,&lt;br /&gt;But steadfast rest of all things, firmly stayed&lt;br /&gt;Upon the pillars of Eternity,&lt;br /&gt;That is contrair to Mutability:&lt;br /&gt;'''For all that moveth doth in change delight;&lt;br /&gt;But thenceforth all shall rest eternally&lt;br /&gt;With Him that is the God of Sabaoth hight''':&lt;br /&gt;O that great Sabaoth God, grant me that Sabaoth's sight.
*** Bk. VII, Canto VIII, stanza 2
*** Note: James Nohrnberg observes that Queen Elizabeth's name in Hebrew—which Nohrnberg etymologizes as Eli-sabbath—can mean &quot;Sabbath God&quot; (or &quot;God of rest&quot;), concluding that &quot;It is the finishing of her poem that will grant her poet rest&quot; (''The Analogy of &quot;The Faerie Queene&quot;'' [Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1976], p. 83). Similarly, A. C. Hamilton argues that &quot;[Spenser's] final prayer as an exile in war-ravaged Ireland is for sight of the Queen and the rest which she signifies&quot; ('Our New Poet: Spenser, &quot;well of English undefyld&quot;', in ''Essential Articles for the Study of Edmund Spenser'', ed. A. C. Hamilton [Hamden, Conn.: Archon, 1972], p. 110)

{{Disputed end}}

== Quotations about ''The Faerie Queene'' ==
[[File:Briton Rivière - Una and the Lion.jpg|thumb|&quot;Beyond all doubt it is best to have made one's first acquaintance with Spenser in a very large—and, preferably, illustrated—edition of ''The Faerie Queene'', on a wet day, between the ages of twelve and sixteen.&quot;—[[C. S. Lewis]]. 1941.]]
:&lt;small&gt;(arranged in chronological order)&lt;/small&gt;

===16th century===
* A continued allegory or dark conceit.
** [[Edmund Spenser]], [[s:The Faerie Queene (1590/1596)/Books 1 to 3 (1590)/A Letter of the Authors expounding his whole intention in the course of this worke|letter]] to [[Walter Raleigh]] dated 23 January 1589 (i.e., 1590), appended to the 1590 edition of ''The Faerie Queene''


[[File:Palladis Tamia 1598.jpg|thumb|&quot;I know not what more excellent or exquisite poem may be written.&quot;—[[w:Francis Meres|Francis Meres]]. 1598.]]
* As [[Sextus Propertius]] said, ''Nescio quid magis nascitur Iliade'': so I say of [[Edmund Spenser|Spenser]]'s ''Fairy Queen''; I know not what more excellent or exquisite poem may be written. [...] Spenser's Eliza, the Fairy Queen, hath the advantage of all the queens in the world, to be eternized by so divine a poet.
** [[w:Francis Meres|Francis Meres]], ''[[w:Palladis Tamia|Palladis Tamia]]'' (1598)
** Compare:
*** ''Nescioquid maius nascitur Iliade.''
**** Something greater than the ''[[Iliad]]'' is born.
***** [[Propertius|Sextus Propertius]], ''Elegies'', Book II (26–25 BCE), 34.66; of [[Virgil]]'s ''[[Aeneid]]'', as reported and translated in ''The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations'', 5th ed. (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1999), p. 593


===17th century===
[[File:Benjamin Jonson by Abraham van Blyenberch.jpg|thumb|&quot;Spenser's noble book.&quot;—[[Ben Jonson]]. 1640.]]
* Spenser's noble book.
** [[Ben Jonson]], ''Underwoods'' (1640)


[[File:John Dryden portrait.jpg|thumb|&quot;There is no uniformity in the design of Spenser: he aims at the accomplishment of no one action. Had he lived to finish his poem in the six remaining legends, it had certainly been more of a piece; but could not have been perfect, because the model was not true.&quot;—[[John Dryden]]. 1693.]]
* There is no uniformity in the design of Spenser: he aims at the accomplishment of no one action; he raises up a hero for every one of his adventures, and endows each of them with some particular moral virtue, which renders them all equal, without subordination or preference. Every one is valiant in his own legend; only we must do him the justice to observe, that magnanimity, which is the character of Prince Arthur, shines throughout the whole poem, and succours the rest when they are in distress. The original of every knight was then living in the court of [[Elizabeth I|Queen Elizabeth]]; and he attributed to each of them that virtue which he thought was most conspicuous in them; an ingenious piece of flattery, though it turned not much to his account. Had he lived to finish his poem in the six remaining legends, it had certainly been more of a piece; but could not have been perfect, because the model was not true. But Prince Arthur, or his chief patron, [[Sir Philip Sidney]], whom he intended to make happy by the marriage of his Gloriana, dying before him, deprived the poet both of means and spirit to accomplish his design. For the rest, his obsolete language, and ill choice of his stanza, are faults both of the second magnitude; for notwithstanding the first, he is still intelligible, at least after a little practice, and for the last he is more to be admired, that labouring under such a difficulty, his verses are so numerous, so various, and so harmonious, that only [[Virgil]], whom he has professedly imitated, has surpassed him among the Romans, and only [[Edmund Waller|Mr. Waller]] among the English.
** [[John Dryden]], ''The Satires'' (1693), Dedication, p. viii
** Compare [[w:Edmond Malone|Edmond Malone]]'s commentary: &quot;Sir Philip Sydney, we know, died October 16, 1586; but so far is it from being true that his death deprived Spencer of ''spirit'' to complete his work, that it is almost certain much the greater part of it was written between that year and 1595; and it is equally untrue, that on the loss of that patron, he was deprived of those ''means'' which would have rendered him independent, and enabled him to devote his hours to literary pursuits [...]. The language of ''The Fairy Queen'' was the poetical language of the age in which [Spenser] lived; and, however obsolete it might appear to Dryden, was, I conceive, perfectly intelligible to every reader of poetry in the time of Queen Elizabeth, though ''[[w:The Shepheardes Calender|The Shepherd's Calender]]'' was not even then understood without a commentary&quot; (''The Critical and Miscellaneous Prose Works of John Dryden'', ed. Edmond Malone, Vol. III [1800], footnotes on pp. 93–94). Malone's latter statement is quoted approvingly by [[w:Nathan Drake (essayist)|Nathan Drake]] (in ''Shakspeare'' [sic] ''and His Times'' [1838], p. 314), but disapprovingly by [[w:Thomas Lounsbury|Thomas R. Lounsbury]] (in ''Studies in Chaucer'', Vol. III [1892], pp. 64–65)


[[File:Joseph Addison by Sir Godfrey Kneller, Bt.jpg|thumb|&quot;Old Spenser next, warmed with poetic rage,&lt;br /&gt;In ancient tales amused a barbarous age;&lt;br /&gt;But now the mystic tale, that pleased of yore,&lt;br /&gt;Can charm an understanding age no more.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;—[[Joseph Addison]]. 1694.]]
* Old Spenser next, warmed with poetic rage,&lt;br /&gt;In ancient tales amused a barbarous age;&lt;br /&gt;An age that, yet uncultivate and rude,&lt;br /&gt;Where'er the poet's fancy led, pursued,&lt;br /&gt;Through pathless fields and unfrequented floods,&lt;br /&gt;To dens of dragons and enchanted woods.&lt;br /&gt;But now the mystic tale, that pleased of yore,&lt;br /&gt;Can charm an understanding age no more:&lt;br /&gt;The long-spun allegories fulsome grow,&lt;br /&gt;While the dull moral lies too plain below.&lt;br /&gt;We view well-pleased at distance all the sights&lt;br /&gt;Of arms and palfreys, battles, fields, and fights,&lt;br /&gt;And damsels in distress, and courteous knights.&lt;br /&gt;But when we look too near, the shades decay,&lt;br /&gt;And all the pleasing landscape fades away.
** [[Joseph Addison]], &quot;An Account of the Greatest English Poets&quot; (1694), lines 17–31
** Compare [[Alexander Pope]]'s commentary on these lines: &quot;The character [Addison] gives of Spenser is false [...] and I have heard him say that he never read Spenser till fifteen years after he wrote it&quot; (as reported in [[w:Joseph Spence (author)|Joseph Spence]]'s ''Observations, Anecdotes, and Characters, of Books and Men'' [1820], 1728–1730, p. 150). [[w:William John Courthope|William John Courthope]] remarks that Pope is &quot;always a suspicious witness where Addison is concerned&quot; (in Courthope's ''Addison'' [London: Macmillan, 1884], p. 33)


===18th century===
[[File:Alexander Pope.jpg|thumb|&quot;There is something in Spenser that pleases one as strongly in one's old age as it did in one's youth. I read ''The Faerie Queene'' when I was about twelve, with infinite delight; and I think it gave me as much when I read it over about a year or two ago.&quot;—[[Alexander Pope]]. 1740.]]
* After reading a canto of Spenser two or three days ago to an old lady, between seventy and eighty years of age, she said that I had been showing her a gallery of pictures.—I don't know how it is, but she said very right: there is something in Spenser that pleases one as strongly in one's old age, as it did in one's youth. I read the ''Faerie Queene'' when I was about twelve, with infinite delight; and I think it gave me as much, when I read it over about a year or two ago.
** [[Alexander Pope]], 1743–1744 (a year before Pope's death), as quoted in Joseph Spence's ''Anecdotes, Observations, and Characters, of Books and Men'', ed. S. W. Singer (1820)&lt;!--, section VIII: 1743–1744--&gt;, pp. 296–297


* I don't wonder that you are in such raptures with Spenser! What an imagination! What an invention! What painting! What colouring displayed throughout the works of that admirable author! and yet, for want of time, or opportunity, I have not read his ''Fairy Queen'' through in series, or at a heat, as I may call it.
** [[Samuel Richardson]], letter to Susanna Highmore (22 June 1750), in ''The Correspondence of Richardson'', Vol. II (1804), p. 245


* Though the ''Faerie Queene'' does not exhibit that economy of plan and exact arrangement of parts which epic severity requires, yet we scarcely regret the loss of these while their place is so amply supplied by something which more powerfully attracts us, as it engages the affection of the heart, rather than the applause of the head; and if there be any poem whose graces please, because they are situated beyond the reach of art, and where the faculties of creative imagination delight us, because they are unassisted and unrestrained by those of deliberate judgment, it is in this of which we are now speaking. To sum up all in a few words; though in the ''Faerie Queene'' we are not satisfied as critics, yet we are transported as readers.
** [[Thomas Warton]], ''Observations on the Faerie Queene of Spenser'' (1754), pp. 12–13


[[File:Johann Heinrich Füssli 058.jpg|thumb|&quot;In every poem there ought to be simplicity and unity; and in the epic poem the unity of the action should never be violated by introducing any ill-joined or heterogeneous parts. This essential rule Spenser seems to me strictly to have followed.&quot;—[[w:John Upton (Spenser editor)|John Upton]]. 1758.]]
* In every poem there ought to be simplicity and unity; and in the epic poem the unity of the action should never be violated by introducing any ill-joined or heterogeneous parts. This essential rule Spenser seems to me strictly to have followed; for what story can well be shorter or more simple than the subject of this poem? A British prince sees in a vision the Fairy Queen, and he falls in love, and goes in search after this unknown fair; and at length finds her. This fable has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The beginning is, the British prince saw in a vision the Fairy Queen, and fell in love with her; the middle, his search after her, with the adventures that he underwent; the end, his finding whom he sought.
** [[w:John Upton (Spenser editor)|John Upton]], Preface to ''Spenser's Faerie Queene'', Vol. I (1758), p. xx–xxi


* Spenser, and the same may be said of [[Ariosto]], did not live in an age of planning. His poetry is the careless exuberance of a warm imagination and a strong sensibility. It was his business [in his ''Faerie Queen''] to engage the fancy, and to interest the attention by bold and striking images, in the formation and the disposition of which little labour or art was applied. 
** [[Thomas Warton]], ''Observations on the Faerie Queen of Spenser'', 2nd ed. (1762), Vol. I, p. 15


[[File:Thomas Warton by Reynolds.jpg|thumb|&quot;Allegorical poetry, through many gradations, at last received its ultimate consummation in the ''Fairy Queen''.&quot;—[[Thomas Warton]]. 1762.]]
* Allegorical poetry, through many gradations, at last received its ultimate consummation in the ''Fairy Queen''.
** [[Thomas Warton]], ''Observations on the Fairy Queen of Spenser'', 2nd ed. (1762), Vol. II, p. 112


===19th century===
* It is scarcely possible to accompany Spenser's allegorical heroes to the end of their excursions. They want flesh and blood—a want for which nothing can compensate. The personification of abstract ideas furnishes the most brilliant images of poetry; but these meteor forms, which startle and delight us when our senses are flurried by passion, must not be submitted to our cool and deliberate examination.
** [[w:George Ellis|George Ellis]], ''Specimens of the Early English Poets'' (1801), p. 203


[[File:Sir Henry Raeburn - Portrait of Sir Walter Scott.jpg|thumb|&quot;Spenser I could have read forever. Too young to trouble myself about the allegory, I considered all the knights and ladies and dragons and giants in their outward and exoteric sense, and God only knows how delighted I was to find myself in such society.&quot;—[[Walter Scott]]. 1808.]]
* But Spenser I could have read forever. Too young to trouble myself about the allegory, I considered all the knights and ladies and dragons and giants in their outward and exoteric sense, and God only knows how delighted I was to find myself in such society. As I had always a wonderful facility in retaining in my memory whatever verses pleased me, the quantity of Spenser's stanzas which I could repeat was really marvellous.
** [[Walter Scott]], autobiography (26 April 1808), in [[John Gibson Lockhart|J. G. Lockhart]]'s ''[[w:Memoirs of the Life of Sir Walter Scott|Memoirs of the Life of Sir Walter Scott]]'', Vol. I (Paris: Galignani, 1837), pp. 20–21


* Without being insensible to the defects of the ''Fairy Queen'', I am never weary of reading it.
** [[Robert Southey]], letter to [[Walter Savage Landor]] (11 January 1811), in ''The Life and Correspondence of Robert Southey'', Vol. III (1850), p. 295


[[File:Sir James Mackintosh by Sir Thomas Lawrence.jpg|thumb|&quot;I have finished ''The Faerie Queene''. I never parted from a long poem with so much regret.&quot;—[[James Mackintosh]]. 1812.]]
* I have finished the 'Faerie Queene.' I never parted from a long poem with so much regret. He is a poet of a most musical ear—of a tender heart—of a peculiarly soft, rich, fertile, and flowery fancy. His verse always flows, with ease and nature, most abundantly and sweetly; his diffusion is not only pardonable, but agreeable. Grandeur and energy are not his characteristic qualities. He seems to me a most genuine poet, and to be justly placed after [[William Shakespeare|Shakspeare]] and [[John Milton|Milton]], and above all other English poets.
** [[James Mackintosh]], diary (6 April 1812), in ''Memoirs'', ed. Robert James Mackintosh, Vol. II (London: Edward Moxon, 1835), p. 238


* Spenser's poetry is all fairy-land. [...] The poet takes and lays us in the lap of a lovelier nature, by the sound of softer streams, among greener hills and fairer valleys. He paints nature not as we find it, but as we expected to find it, and fulfils the delightful promise of our youth. He waves his wand of enchantment, and at once embodies airy beings, and throws a delicious veil over all actual objects. The two worlds of reality and of fiction are poised on the wings of his imagination.
** [[William Hazlitt]], ''Lectures on the English Poets'' (1818), p. 68


* Some people will say [...] that they cannot understand [the ''Faery Queen''] on account of the [[allegory]]. They are afraid of the allegory, as if they thought it would bite them: they look at it as a child looks at a painted dragon, and think it will strangle them in its shining folds. This is very idle. If they do not meddle with the allegory, the allegory will not meddle with them. Without minding it at all, the whole is as plain as a pikestaff.
** [[William Hazlitt]], ''Lectures on the English Poets'' (1818), p. 74


* You will take especial note of the marvellous independence and true imaginative absence of all particular space or time in the &quot;Faery Queene.&quot; It is in the domains neither of history or geography; it is ignorant of all artificial boundary, all material obstacles; it is truly in land of Faery, that is, of mental space. The poet has placed you in a dream, a charmed sleep, and you neither wish, nor have the power, to inquire where you are, or how you got there.
** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''Course of Lectures'', III (3 February 1818), as reported in ''The Critical Perspective'', ed. [[Harold Bloom]], Vol. II (New York: Chelsea House Publishers, 1986), p. 633; first published in ''Lectures and Notes on Shakspere'' [sic] ''and Other English Poets'', ed. [[w:Thomas Ashe (poet)|T. Ashe]] (London: Bell, 1883), p. 514


[[File:Lavery Maiss Auras.jpg|thumb|&quot;No young lady of the present generation falls to a new novel of Sir Walter Scott's with keener relish than I did that morning to the ''Faery Queen''.&quot;—[[Robert Southey]]. 1823.]]
* No young lady of the present generation falls to a new novel of [[Walter Scott|Sir Walter Scott]]'s with keener relish than I did that morning to the ''Faery Queen''.
** [[Robert Southey]], letter (19 January 1823) in ''The Life and Correspondence of Robert Southey'', ed. C. C. Southey, Vol. I (1849), p. 85


[[File:Sir Calidore overthrows the Blatant Beast.jpg|thumb|&quot;Of the persons who read the first canto, not one in ten reaches the end of the first book, and not one in a hundred perseveres to the end of the poem. Very few and very weary are those who are in at the death of the Blatant Beast.&quot;—[[Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1st Baron Macaulay|Thomas Babington Macaulay]]. 1831.]]
* Even Spenser himself, though assuredly one of the greatest poets that ever lived, could not succeed in the attempt to make allegory interesting. It was in vain that he lavished the riches of his mind on the House of Pride and the House of Temperance. One unpardonable fault, the fault of tediousness, pervades the whole of the ''Fairy Queen''. We become sick of cardinal virtues and deadly sins, and long for the society of plain men and women. Of the persons who read the first Canto, not one in ten reaches the end of the First Book, and not one in a hundred perseveres to the end of the poem. Very few and very weary are those who are in at the death of the Blatant Beast. If the last six books, which are said to have been destroyed in Ireland, had been preserved, we doubt whether any heart less stout than that of a commentator would have held out to the end.
** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1st Baron Macaulay|Thomas Babington Macaulay]], 'Southey's ''Edition of the Pilgrim's Progress''&lt;nowiki&gt;'&lt;/nowiki&gt;, in ''The Edinburgh Review'', Vol. LIV (1831), p. 452
** Note: The Blatant Beast does not die in the poem. [[w:C. A. Patrides|C. A. Patrides]] comments: &quot;Macaulay himself, it is clear, did not persevere to the end.&quot; In ''Figures in a Renaissance Context'', eds. Claude J. Summers and Ted-Larry Pebworth (Ann Arbor: University of Michigan Press, 1989), p. 35. Quoted in Hazel Wilkinson's ''Edmund Spenser and the Eighteenth-Century Book'' (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press), Introduction, p. 1


[[File:Portrait of James Montgomery Esq (4672641).jpg|thumb|&quot;The noblest allegorical poem in our own language,—indeed, the noblest allegorical poem in the world.&quot;—[[James Montgomery (poet)|James Montgomery]]. 1833.]]
* The noblest allegorical poem in our own language,—indeed, the noblest allegorical poem in the world,—is Spenser's &quot;Faerie Queene;&quot; at the same time, it is probable, that if it had ''not'' been allegorical at all, it would have been a far more felicitous and attractive work of imagination.
** [[James Montgomery (poet)|James Montgomery]], ''Lectures on Poetry and General Literature'' (1833), p. 169


* No allegorical poem, either previous or succeeding, has approached the ''Faerie Queen'' within half the diameter of the earth.
** [[w:John Wilson (Scottish writer)|John Wilson]], &quot;Spenser: No. II: The Fairy Queen&quot;, in ''Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine'', Vol. XXXVI (Edinburgh: William Blackwood, 1834), no. 226 (September 1834), p. 415


[[File:John Ruskin 1863.jpg|thumb|&quot;''The Faerie Queen'' is only half-estimated because few persons take the pains to think out its meaning.&quot;—[[John Ruskin]]. 1853.]]

* The &quot;Faerie Queen,&quot; like Dante's &quot;Paradise,&quot; is only half estimated, because few persons take the pains to think out its meaning.
** [[John Ruskin]], ''The Stones of Venice'', Vol. II (1853), p. 326


[[File:Ada Thilen - Girl Reading in a Landscape.jpg|thumb|&quot;Select rather a June morning, when the brilliant white clouds are sailing slowly through a blue sky, a grassy bank under a tree, looking down a long valley with broken hills in the distance; let mind and body both be at ease, and both disposed to dream, but not to sleep, and when the influences of nature have had their due effect, open, if you please, at the middle of the Legend of Sir Guyon.&quot;—[[w:Francis James Child|Francis James Child]]. 1855.]]
* &quot;Much depends,&quot; says [[Charles Lamb]], &quot;upon ''when'' and ''where'' you read a book. In the five or six impatient minutes before the dinner is quite ready, who would think of taking up the ''Fairy Queen'' for a stop-gap?&quot; Select rather a June morning, when the brilliant white clouds are sailing slowly through a blue sky, a grassy bank under a tree, looking down a long valley with broken hills in the distance; let mind and body both be at ease, and both disposed to dream, but not to sleep, and when the influences of nature have had their due effect, open, if you please, at the middle of the Legend of Sir Guyon.
** [[w:Francis James Child|Francis James Child]], &quot;Memoir of Spenser&quot;, in ''The Poetical Works of Edmund Spenser'', Vol. I (Boston: Little, Brown &amp; Co., 1855), p. lviii


[[File:James Russell Lowell - 1855.jpg|thumb|&quot;Whoever wishes to be rid of thought and to let the busy anvils of the brain be silent for a time, let him read in the ''Faery Queene''. There is the land of pure heart's ease, where no ache or sorrow of spirit can enter.&quot;—[[James Russell Lowell]]. 1875.]]
* No man can read the &quot;Faery Queen&quot; and be anything but the better for it. Through that rude age, when maids of honor drank beer for breakfast and Hamlet could say a gross thing to Ophelia, he passes serenely abstracted and high, the Don Quixote of poets. Whoever can endure unmixed delight, whoever can tolerate music and painting and poetry all in one, whoever wishes to be rid of thought and to let the busy anvils of the brain be silent for a time, let him read in the &quot;Faery Queen.&quot; There is the land of pure heart's ease, where no ache or sorrow of spirit can enter.
** [[James Russell Lowell]], &quot;Spenser&quot;, in ''The North American Review'', Vol. 120 (Boston: James R. Osgood &amp; Co, 1875), No. 247 (April 1875), p. 394


[[File:Portrait of Edward Dowden.jpg|thumb|&quot;''The Faerie Queene'', if nothing else, is at least a labyrinth of beauty, a forest of old romance in which it is possible to lose oneself more irrecoverably amid the tangled luxury of loveliness than elsewhere in English poetry.&quot;—[[Edward Dowden]]. 1888.]]
* The &quot;Faery Queen,&quot; if nothing else, is at least a labyrinth of beauty, a forest of old romance in which it is possible to lose oneself more irrecoverably amid the tangled luxury of loveliness than elsewhere in English poetry. 
** [[Edward Dowden]], ''Transcripts and Studies'' (1888), p. 288; quoted in ''Modern Critical Views: Edmund Spenser'', ed. [[Harold Bloom]] (New York: Chelsea House, 1986), p. 173


===20th century===
* I have at last come to the end of the ''Faerie Queene'': and though I say 'at last,' I almost wish he had lived to write six books more as he hoped to do so much have I enjoyed it.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], letter to [[w:Arthur Greeves|Arthur Greeves]] (7 March 1916), in ''Letters of C. S. Lewis'', ed. W. H. Lewis (London: Geoffrey Bles, 1966), p. 27


* [Mr. John Bailey] related a story of an officer who read the ''Faerie Queene'' to his men when they were in a particularly difficult situation. The men did not understand the words, but the poetry had a soothing influence upon them. Nothing better could be said of poetry than that.
** At a General Meeting of the English Association (25 May 1917), as reported in ''The Journal of Education'', Vol. XLIX (1917), p. 438; quoted in Brian Doyle's ''English and Englishness'' (London and New York: Routledge, 1989), p. 28


* Who, except scholars, and except the eccentric few who are born with a sympathy for such work, or others who have deliberately studied themselves into the right appreciation, can now read through the whole of ''The Faerie Queene'' with delight?
** [[T. S. Eliot]], 'Charles Whibley' (1931), in ''Selected Essays: 1917–1932'' (New York: Harcourt Brace, 1932), p. 405


* I am reading ''The Faery Queen''—with delight. [...] I can't think out what I mean about ''conception'': the idea behind ''F.Q.'' How to express a kind of natural transition from state to state. And the air of natural beauty.
** [[Virginia Woolf]], diary entry on 23 January 1935, in ''The Diary of Virginia Woolf, Vol. IV: 1931–1935'', eds. Anne Olivier Bell and ‎Andrew McNeillie (London: Hogarth Press, 1982), p. 275


[[File:Una and the red cross knight, and other tales from Spenser's Faery Queene; (1905) (14781108194).jpg|thumb|&quot;The things we read about in ''The Faerie Queene'' are not like life, but the experience of reading it is like living.&quot;—[[C. S. Lewis]]. 1936.]]
* The things we read about in [''The Faerie Queene''] are not like life, but the experience of reading it is like living. The clashing antitheses which meet and resolve themselves into higher unities, the lights streaming out from the great allegorical ''foci'' to turn into a hundred different colours as they reach the lower levels of complex adventure, the adventures gathering themselves together and revealing their true nature as we draw near the ''foci'', the constant re-appearance of certain basic ideas, which transform themselves without end and yet ever remain the same (eterne in mutability), the unwearied variety and seamless continuity of the whole—all this is Spenser's true likeness to life.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], ''The Allegory of Love'' (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1936), p. 358


* Beyond all doubt it is best to have made one's first acquaintance with Spenser in a very large—and, preferably, illustrated—edition of ''The Faerie Queene'', on a wet day, between the ages of twelve and sixteen; [...] those who have had this good fortune [...] will never have lost touch with the poet. His great book will have accompanied them year by year.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], 'Edmund Spenser', from ''Fifteen Poets'' (London: Oxford University Press, 1941); in ''Studies in Medieval and Renaissance Literature'', ed. Walter Hooper (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1966), p. 146; quoted in ‎Roy Maynard's ''Fierce Wars and Faithful Loves: Edmund Spenser's ''The Faerie Queene'', Book I'' (Moscow, Idaho: Canon Press, 1999), Introduction, p. 9


* It is not, perhaps, absolutely necessary to have a large edition ''in fact''; but it is imperative that you should think of ''The Faerie Queene'' as a book suitable for reading in a heavy volume, at a table—a book to which limp leather is insulting—a massy, antique story with a blackletter flavour about it—a book for devout, prolonged, and leisurely perusal.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], 'Edmund Spenser', from ''Fifteen Poets'' (London: Oxford University Press, 1941); in ''Studies in Medieval and Renaissance Literature'', ed. Walter Hooper (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1966), pp. 146–147


* ''The Faery Queen'', it is said, has never been read to the end.
** [[Virginia Woolf]], &quot;The Faery Queen&quot;, in ''The Moment and Other Essays'' (1947)


[[File:Virginia Woolf 1927.jpg|thumb|&quot;The first essential is, of course, not to read ''The Faery Queen''.&quot;—[[Virginia Woolf]]. 1947.]]
* The first essential is, of course, not to read ''The Faery Queen''.
** [[Virginia Woolf]], &quot;The Faery Queen&quot;, in ''The Moment and Other Essays'' (1947); quoted in ''Reading and Not Reading The Faerie Queene'' by Catherine Nicholson (Princeton University Press, 2020), p. 1


[[File:The reading boy - Joshua Reynolds.jpg|thumb|&quot;From the time of its publication down to about 1914 it was everyone's poem—the book in which many and many a boy first discovered that he liked poetry; a book which spoke at once, like Homer or Shakespeare or Dickens, to every reader's imagination.&quot;—[[C. S. Lewis]]. 1954.]]
* From the time of its publication down to about 1914 it was everyone's poem—the book in which many and many a boy first discovered that he liked poetry; a book which spoke at once, like [[Homer]] or [[Shakespeare]] or [[Dickens]], to every reader's imagination. Spenser did not rank as a hard poet like [[Pindar]], [[Donne]], or [[Robert Browning|Browning]]. How we have lost that approach I do not know. And unfortunately ''The Faerie Queene'' suffers even more than most great works from being approached through the medium of commentaries and &quot;literary history.&quot; These all demand from us a sophisticated, self-conscious frame of mind. But then, when we have used all these aids, we discover that the poem itself demands exactly the opposite response. Its primary appeal is to the most naïve and innocent tastes: to that level of our consciousness which is divided only by the thinnest veil from the immemorial lights and glooms of the collective Unconscious itself. It demands of us a child's love of marvels and dread of bogies, a boy's thirst for adventures, a young man's passion for physical beauty. If you have lost or cannot re-arouse these attitudes, all the commentaries, all your scholarship about &quot;the Renaissance&quot; or &quot;Platonism&quot; or [[Elizabeth I|Elizabeth]]'s Irish policy, will not avail. The poem is a great palace, but the door into it is so low that you must stoop to go in. No prig can be a Spenserian. It is of course much more than a fairy-tale, but unless we can enjoy it as a fairy-tale first of all, we shall not really care for it.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], ''Studies in Medieval Literature and Renaissance'', &quot;Edmund Spenser, 1552–99&quot; (1954), pp. 132–133; as quoted in ''The Quotable Lewis'', ed. Jerry Root and ‎Wayne Martindale (Wheaton, Illinois: Tyndale House, 2012), pp. 562–563


[[File:CS Lewis photo on dust jacket.jpg|thumb|&quot;I never meet a man who says that he ''used to'' like the ''Faerie Queene''.&quot;—[[C. S. Lewis]]. 1954.]]
* I never meet a man who says that he ''used to'' like the ''Faerie Queene''.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], ''English Literature in the Sixteenth Century'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1954), p. 393 


[[File:Holiness defeats Error (Crane 1895-1897).jpg|thumb|&quot;''The Faerie Queene'' is perhaps the most difficult poem in English. Quite how difficult, I am only now beginning to realize after forty years of reading it.&quot;—[[C. S. Lewis]]. 1967.]]
* ''The Faerie Queene'' is perhaps the most difficult poem in English. Quite how difficult, I am only now beginning to realize after forty years of reading it.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], ''Spenser's Images of Life'' (1967), ed. Alastair Fowler, Introduction


* Adverse criticism of the stories in ''The Faerie Queene'' is usually based on a false expectation. Both the complaints against &quot;faceless knights&quot; and those against &quot;characters with no insides&quot; come alike from readers who are looking for a novelistic-like interest. But it is quite wrong to approach the poem with this demand; for Spenser never meant to supply it. Occasionally, of course, he makes a very brief approach to the kind of fiction now valued in the novel. [...] We should never concentrate, however, on passages such as these. It is always a great mistake to value a work of one kind for its occasional slight approximations to some other kind which happens to be preferred. If we can't learn to like a work of art for what it is, we had best give it up. There is no point in trying to twist it or force it into a form it was never meant to have. And certainly to read ''The Faerie Queene'' as a novel is perverse and unrewarding enough. It is like going to a [[Mozart]] opera just for the spoken bits.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], ''Spenser's Images of Life'' (1967), ch. 8, p. 113; as quoted in ''The Quotable Lewis'', ed. Jerry Root and ‎Wayne Martindale (Wheaton, Illinois: Tyndale House, 2012), p. 565


* ''The Faerie Queene'' never loses a reader it has once gained. [...] Once you have become an inhabitant of its world, being tired of it is like being tired of London, or of life.
** [[C. S. Lewis]], ''Spenser's Images of Life'' (1967), ch. X.2, para. 8, p. 140; quoted in ''The Quotable Lewis'', ed. Jerry Root and ‎Wayne Martindale (Wheaton, Illinois: Tyndale House, 2012), p. 566


* ''The Faerie Queene'' is not meant to be understood but to be possessed.
** Albert Charles Hamilton, 'The Faerie Queene', in ''Critical Approaches to Six Major English Works'', ed. R. M. Lumiansky and Herschel Baker (Philadelphia, PA, 1968), 132–166, 161; as quoted in Hazel Wilkinson's ''Edmund Spenser and the Eighteenth-Century Book'' (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press), Introduction, p. 2


* ''The Faerie Queene'' is the most extended and extensive meditation on sex in the history of poetry.
** [[Camille Paglia]], ''Sexual Personae'' (1990), p. 188


* There has been and continue to be controversy about the nature and status of to be sex in ''The Faerie Queene''. Most criticism assumes that what Spenser says is what he means. But a poet may not always be master of his own poem, for imagination can overwhelms moral intention. Some of the poetically strongest and most fully realized material in ''The Faerie Queene'' is pornographic. Like [[William Blake|Blake]]'s [[John Milton|Milton]], Spenser may be one of the devil's party without knowing it. In a paradox cherished by [[Marquis de Sade|Sade]] and [[Charles Baudelaire|Baudelaire]], the presence of moral sexual law and taboo intensifies the luxury of evil. A great poet always has profound ambivalences and obscurities whose motivation criticism has scarcely begun to study in this case. ''The Faerie Queene'' is didactic but also self-pleasuring. Not despite the complexity of erotic response, Spenser was a sexual psychologist of the first rank, surpassed only by [[Sigmund Freud|Freud]] and [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]]. His treatment of erotic archetype, and perversion, dream, civilization, fantasy, obsession, and sacrifice lifts ''The Faerie Queene'' out of national into world literature.
** [[Camille Paglia]], in ''The Spenser Encyclopedia'', ed. A. C. Hamilton (Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1990), p. 641; quoted in [[w:John Lennard|John Lennard]]'s ''Of Sex and Faerie'' (Tirril: Humanities-Ebooks LLP, 2010), pp. 119–120

== Bibliography ==
* ''The Faerie Queene'' (1st ed., 1590; 2nd ed., 1596; 3rd ed., 1609)
* ''Spenser's Faerie Queene. A New Edition with a Glossary, And Notes explanatory and critical'', ed. [[w:John Upton (Spenser editor)|John Upton]], Vols. I–II (London: Printed for J. and R. Tonson, 1758)
* ''Spenser and his Poetry'', by [[w:George Lillie Craik|George Lillie Craik]], Vols. I–III (London: Charles Knight &amp; Co., 1845)
* ''The Canterbury Tales and Faerie Queene, with other poems of Chaucer and Spenser, edited for popular perusal, with current illustrative and explanatory notes'', by D. Laing Purves (Edinburgh: William P. Nimmo, 1874)
* ''The Elizabethan Birthday Book'' (London: Seeley, Jackson &amp; Halliday, 1876)
* ''A Complete Dictionary of Poetical Quotations'', ed. [[Sarah Josepha Hale]] (Philadelphia: E. Claxton &amp; Co., 1881)
* ''Familiar Quotations'', ed. [[w:John Bartlett (publisher)|John Bartlett]], 9th ed. (Boston: Little, Brown &amp; Co., 1895)
* ''The Cyclopedia of Practical Quotations'', ed. Jehiel Keeler Hoyt, ''a new edition, revised, corrected and enlarged'' (New York: Funk and Wagnalls, 1896)
* ''A Popular Manual of English Literature'', by [[w:Maude Gillette Phillips|Maude Gillette Phillips]], Vol. I (New York: Harper &amp; Brothers, 1897)
&lt;!--* ''Fierce Wars and Faithful Loves: Edmund Spenser's ''The Faerie Queene'', Book I'', ed. Roy Maynard (Moscow, Idaho: Canon Press, 1999)--&gt;
* ''The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations'', ed. Elizabeth M. Knowles, 5th ed. (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1999)

== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{commonscat-inline}}
* {{wikisource-inline}}

&lt;!--* [http://spenserians.cath.vt.edu/AuthorRecord.php?&amp;method=GET&amp;recordid=24 Edmund Spenser], ''The Faerie Queen'' at spenserians.cath.vt.edu--&gt;

{{DEFAULTSORT:Faerie Queene, The}}
[[Category:Epic poetry]]
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  <page>
    <title>Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (film)</title>
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'''''[[w:Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Dyas (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days]]''''' is an 2012 American [[w:comedy film|comedy film]] and a sequel to ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules]]''.

==Greg Heffley==
* A refrigerator? Ready-made meals? And a TV? This isn't camping!

==Rodrick Heffley== 
* I feel like a gangster right now!
* This song goes out to a very special little lady. Heather Hills... this one's for you.
* Loaded diaper, activate.

==Frank Heffley==
* Hey, what is that? A store-bought s'mores maker? A TV?! Pre-tied knots?! Stan, you're a phony! So much for the big camper.
* You know what my grandpa always used to say? &quot;A man who never made a mistake never made anything. The trick is to be responsible and to learn from your mistakes.&quot; And you can do that. You're a really great kid, Greg. And I'm not just saying that because we're a lot alike.

==Others==
* '''Heather''': ''[after Rodrick knocks down her ice bust; enraged]'' No. NO! ''[picks up a microphone stand and walks over to him; lividly]'' I'M GOING TO '''''KILL YOU!!!'''''

==Dialogue==
:''[The Heffley family, in their cartoon drawings, walk their way to the pool, before they turn into their live action forms]''
:'''Greg''': I can't believe it's so crowded here. School isn't even out yet. Maybe we should come back.
:'''Rodrick''': How 'bout never? Does never sound good?
:'''Susan''': Boys, a family swim is a great way to kick off the summer.
:'''Frank''': Let's not forget! Opening day is free!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rodrick''': ''[to Greg]'' Aww your getting your yearbook signed. That is so cute. 
:'''Greg''': ''[after seeing a picture of himself in the yearbook as a toddler]'' What the heck?
:''[Flashback…]''
:'''Susan''': Honey, Greg was sick on picture day. Did you remember to send in a photo of him for his yearbook?
:'''Frank''': Yeah! I remembered!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rowley''': I've never actually played tennis before...
:'''Greg''': We've played Ultimate Tennis on the Wii. It's basically the same thing.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Greg''': Are you mad?
:'''Frank''': Not mad... just disappointed.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rowley''': In case we don't make it, there's something I have to tell you. One time, I went to the bathroom and I didn't wash my hands.
:'''Greg''': One time...I used your toothbrush to get dog poop off my shoe.
:'''Rowley''': Wait, what?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Greg''': When did you get a tattoo!?
:'''Rodrick''': There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Greggy.

==Cast==
* [[w:Zachary Gordon|Zachary Gordon]] as [[w:Greg Heffley|Greg Heffley]]
* [[w:Devon Bostick|Devon Bostick]] as Rodrick Heffley
* [[w:Robert Capron|Robert Capron]] as [[w:Rowley Jefferson|Rowley Jefferson]]
* [[w:Rachael Harris|Rachael Harris]] as Susan Heffley
* [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]] as Frank Heffley
* [[w:Connor &amp; Owen Fielding|Connor and Owen Fielding]] as Manny Heffley
* [[w:Peyton List (actress born 1998)|Peyton List]] as Holly Hills
* Melissa Roxburgh as Heather Hills
* [[w:Karan Brar|Karan Brar]] as Chirag Gupta
* [[w:Grayson Russell|Grayson Russell]] as Fregley
* [[w:Alf Humphreys|Alf Humphreys]] as Mr. Jefferson
* Bronwen Smith as Mrs. Jefferson
* Oliver the Dog as Sweetie Heffley
* [[w:Phil Hayes (actor)|Phil Hayes]] as Stan Warren
* [[w:Jeff Kinney (author)|Jeff Kinney]] as Mr. Hills

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|2023453|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days}}
* {{amg movie|547638|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days}}
* {{mojo title|diaryofawimpykid3|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|diary_of_a_wimpy_kid_dog_days|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days}}

[[Category:2012 American films]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Diary of a Wimpy Kid]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (film)</title>
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      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
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'''''[[w:Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul]]''''' is an 2017 American [[w:comedy film|comedy film]] released by 20th Century Fox. It is a sequel to ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days]]'' and the final live-action adaption film of the franchise.
{{center|'''A Wimp Will Rise'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Rodrick Heffley== 
* I got us a microwave pizza. ''[he puts the pizza on a black box which is usually a safe which is locked up tight instead of a microwave]'' And they disguised it as a microwave.

==Susan Heffley==
* This is an unplugged road trip.
* The only connection we're gonna do, is with each other.
* The pig's better potty trained than you, Greg.
* Greg Heffley! You are grounded for life! And I swear, never again will you play a video game as long as there is breath in my body.

==Dialogue==
:''[The Heffley family and Rowley, in their cartoon drawings, park in the Corny's Family Restaurant parking lot in their minivan]''
:'''Greg''': ''[stepping out]'' Do we have to come to Corny's? This place is for babies.
:'''Rodrick''': Then you fit right in, Greggy.
:'''Susan''': It's not a place for babies, it's a place for family-style dining, right, Frank?
:'''Frank''': That's right. And the buffet's all-you-can-eat, so take advantage.
:'''Rowley''': ''[excitedly]'' Thanks for inviting me, Mr. and Mrs. Heffley. I hear their ball pit is super deep!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Manny''': I'm texting.
:'''Susan''': Oh, no. No devices on this trip.
:'''Greg''': What do you mean?
:'''Susan''': This is an unplugged road trip. No phones, no iPads, no Internet. 
:'''Rodrick''': What?!
:'''Susan''': Just family time. The only connection we're gonna do, is with each other. Everyone, hand over your devices. 
:'''Greg''': You tricked us!
:'''Rodrick''': This is totally not cool.
:'''Greg''': Kids at school get way more screen time than I do!
:'''Rodrick''': I'm not giving up my phone. Pfft!
:'''Greg''': Yeah! If he's not givin' up his phone, I'm not givin' up mine.
:'''Rodrick''': If he's not giving up, I'm not giving mine up. Who do you think you are, bossing us around?
:'''Greg''': You want me to read. I'm reading text! What's the difference?
:'''Rodrick''': You're the worst mom ever!
:'''Greg''': Yeah!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rowley''': I got us a microwave pizza. ''[He types the security code on a mini-safe]''
:'''Frank''': Rodrick, that's a mini-safe.
:'''Rodrick''': ''[shakes the mini-safe door]'' And they disguised it as a microwave.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Susan''': You ''fixed'' the GPS to drive '''''here.''''' You ''tricked us,'' and '''''now''''' we're gonna be late to Meemaw's birthday.
:'''Frank''': I don't even think we're gonna make it in time.
:'''Greg''': ''[frees himself from his mother's grip; infuriated]'' You embarrassed me in front of ''everyone,'' Mom! Now I'm gonna be known as Diaper Hands ''forever!''
:'''Susan''': It'll blow over. You know what ''won't?'' You '''''lying''''' to me. I just wanted to have a nice family trip where we all spent time together. But you don't care about that.
:'''Greg''': Well, you don't care about the things I love, either! If you did, I wouldn't have had to sneak away to get to this place!
:'''Susan''': I give up. Take my phone. Play games. Enjoy yourself. I'm done fighting.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Greg''': You want one?
:''[He feeds a cheesy puff to a seagull]''
:'''Susan''': Oh, Greg, I wouldn't encourage them.
:'''Greg''': There's only one.
:''[A flock of seagulls fly into the car and attack the Heffleys]''

== Taglines ==
* A Wimp Will Rise

==Cast==
* [[w:Jason Drucker|Jason Drucker]] as [[w:Greg Heffley|Greg Heffley]]
* Owen Asztalos as [[w:Rowley Jefferson|Rowley Jefferson]]
* [[w:Charlie Wright (actor)|Charlie Wright]] as Rodrick Heffley
* [[Alicia Silverstone]] as Susan Heffley
* [[w:Tom Everett Scott|Tom Everett Scott]] as Frank Heffley
* Wyatt and Dylan Walters as Manny Heffley
* Joshua Hoover as Mac Digby
* [[w:Chris Coppola|Christopher A. Coppola]] as Mr. Beardo
* Kimberli Lincoln as Mrs. Beardo
* Mira Silverman as Brandi Beardo
* Mimi Gould as Meemaw

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|6003368|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul}}

{{authority control}}

[[Category:2017 American films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Diary of a Wimpy Kid|Diary of a Wimpy Kid 4]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Road comedy films]]
[[Category:Films set in Indianapolis]]


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  <page>
    <title>Workmanship</title>
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      <comment>/* Quotes */(1) Anonymous (ca. 6th c. BC), Tr. Hugh G. Evelyn-White, 'Hesiod Homeric Hymns Homerica'...  p. 447, The Loeb Classic Library Vol. 57. Sing, clear-voiced Muse, of Hephaestus famed for inventions. With bright-eyed Athena he taught men glorious crafts...</comment>
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      <text bytes="6926" sha1="d9ew3wpaxzzoam69myhc64vvipp4tcl" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Rubens - Vulcano forjando los rayos de Júpiter.jpg|thumb| [[Peter Paul Rubens|Ruben's]] 1536  rendition of [[Vulcan (mythology)|Vulcan]], the  Roman counterpart of [[Hephaestus]], the Greek God of Craftsmen.]]   

'''[[w:Workmanship|Workmanship]]''' may refer to the skill of an artisan or the quality of something made by an artisan.
{{theme-stub}}
== Quotes ==

* Sing, clear-voiced Muse, of {{w|Hephaestus}} famed for inventions. With bright-eyed [[Athena]] he taught men glorious crafts throughout the world,—men who before used to dwell in caves in the mountains like wild beasts. But now that they have learned crafts through Hephaestus, the famed worker, easily they live a [[peace]]ful [[life]] in their own [[house]]s the whole year round.
** Anonymous (ca. 6th c. BC), Tr. [[w:Hugh Evelyn-White|Hugh G. Evelyn-White]], ''Hesiod Homeric Hymns Homerica'' (1st published 1914, Revised 1936, Reprinted 1995) [https://archive.org/details/hesiodhomerichym0000hesi_d6n3/page/447/mode/1up p. 447,] ''The Loeb Classic Library'' Vol. 57, ed. G. P. Goold.

* The factual and pragmatic occupations gradually vanished in the cities; factories replaced shoemakers, carpenters, tailors, blacksmiths, locksmiths, dyers, and painters. The artisan who could concentrate all his personal taste and talent into a door lock or a pointed shoe had to make room for a mechanically creating industrial proletarian, who day after day at certain intervals presses a certain handle or places consecutively five thousand screws on a running board in deadly monotony. The proletarianized factory worker is a comparatively new appearance (or rather: reappearance) in the picture of the city. In the superindustrialized modern world he is, in spite of his concrete work, no longer a realist — as, for instance, a mechanic in a repair shop — but a daydreamer, a sentimentalist, with nerves often weakened by the torture of monotonous routine, and therefore he &quot;explodes&quot; from time to time under external influences. He no longer masters his tools — the machines — but is mastered by them.
: The men who truly carry on the tradition of the inventive manual laborer, the craftsmen, are the different &quot;repairers&quot; and &quot;menders&quot; who have hitherto escaped the domination of machinery and monotony. Among these we find not only the cobbler or the glass repairer, the watch &quot;maker&quot; or the garage mechanic, but also the surgeon. They have to work, it is true, on a basic material which may be fabricated, but they have nevertheless to face individual &quot;damages&quot; and they have to use their analytical as well as synthetic mind in order to cope with individually different situations. Tailors and ''chefs de cuisine'' occupy an even higher level of independence and ''personal'' work; they belong actually to that tiny [[aristocracy]] of people still privileged by fate to exercise in connection with their daily work the finest human faculty — creativeness. They are thus still permitted to share, in a feeble, human way, in the great divine process of ''personal creation'' whose eternal source is [[God]] himself.
:* [[Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn]], ''The Menace of the Herd'' (1943), p. 64

* Once Europe could boast of a large class of craftsmen — free people with the opportunity for artistic creation; but now everything is manufactured by mass production and the result is an incredible shrinkage in the variety of forms due to standardization. There is probably a greater variety of goods in Timbuctoo or in the Sooks of Marrakesh than in Frankfort or Los Angeles. The artifacts are thus &quot;democratized.&quot; (Mr. Gray and Mr. Green get an identical product for an identical price.)
** [[Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn]], ''The Menace of the Herd'' (1943), p. 86

* Pride in one’s work carries with it a determination to accept the demands imposed by that work: in the case of philosophy to follow the argument where it leads, in the case of history to discover what actually happened, in the case of literature to explore to its depths a particular theme. In consequence, this sort of pride demands freedom: it has to be laid low in any authoritarian State. The historian, in such a system, has to conform to official interpretations of the past, the philosopher to dogmas, the writer to stereotypes of human action, the craftsman to “production-schedules.” More subtly, attempts are made to lay pride low in a consumer’s society: the film-director, the novelist, the craftsman are called upon to produce “what will sell” at whatever cost to their pride in workmanship.
** [[John Passmore]], ''The Perfectibility of Man'' (1971), p. 290.

* Habituation to bargaining and to the competitive principles of business necessarily brings it about that pecuniary standards of efficiency invade (contaminate) the sense of workmanship; so that work, workmen, equipment and products come to be rated on a scale of money values, which has only a circuitous and often only a putative relation to their workmanlike efficiency or their serviceability. Those occupations and those aptitudes that yield good returns in terms of price are reputed valuable and commendable, — the accepted test of success, and even of serviceability, being the gains acquired. Workmanship comes to be confused with salesmanship, until tact, effrontery and prevarication have come to serve as a standard of efficiency, and unearned gain is accepted as the measure of productiveness.
** [[Thorstein Veblen]], ''The Instinct of Workmanship and the State of the Industrial Arts'' (1914), p. 349

* Before the age of adulteration it was held that behind each work there stood some conception of its perfect execution. It was this that gave zest to labor and served to measure the degree of success. To the extent that the concept obtained, there was a teleology in work, since the laborer toiled not merely to win sustenance but to see this ideal embodied in his creation. Pride in craftsmanship is well explained by saying that to labor is to pray, for conscientious effort to realize an ideal is a kind of fidelity. The craftsman of old time did not hurry, because the perfect takes no account of time and shoddy work is a reproach to character. But character itself is an expression of self-control, which does not come of taking the easiest way. Where character forbids self-indulgence, transcendence still hovers around. When utilitarianism becomes enthroned and the worker is taught that work is use and not worship, interest in quality begins to decline. … There is a difference between expressing one’s self in form and producing quantity for a market with an eye to speculation. [[Charles Péguy|Péguy]] wished to know what had become of the honor of work. It has succumbed to the same forces as have all other expressions of honor.
** [[Richard Weaver]], ''Ideas Have Consequences'' (1948)

== See also ==
* [[Work]]

== External links ==
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{{wikipedia|Thomas &amp; Friends}}
'''''[[Thomas &amp; Friends|Thomas the Tank Engine &amp; Friends]]''''' Season 1

==Season 1==

===''Thomas and Gordon (UK) / Thomas Gets Tricked (US)'' [1.1]===
:'''Narrator''': Thomas is a tank engine who lives at the big station on the Island of Sodor. He's a cheeky little engine with six small wheels, a short stumpy funnel, a short stumpy boiler, and a short stumpy dome.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Thomas''': ''[taken through Gordon's fast ride]'' Peep! Peep! Stop! Stop!
:'''Gordon''': Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
:'''Coaches''': You can't get away! You can't get away!

===''Edward and Gordon (UK) / Edward Helps Out (US)'' [1.2]===
:'''Trucks''': ''[after Edward bumps them]'' OOH! Whatever is happening?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Gordon refuses to go up the hill]''
:'''Driver''': You're not trying.
:'''Gordon''': I can't do it! The noisy trucks hold an engine back so!
:'''Narrator''': Edward's driver came up.
:'''Edward's Driver''': We've come to push.
:'''Gordon''': No use at all!
:'''Edward's Driver''': You wait and see.
:'''Narrator''': They brought the train back to the bottom of the hill.
:'''Edward''': I'm ready.
:'''Gordon''': No good.
:'''Narrator''': They pulled and pushed as hard as they could.
:'''Gordon''': I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it!
:'''Edward''': I will do it, I will do it, I will do it!

===''The Sad Story of Henry (UK) / Come Out, Henry! (US)'' [1.3]===
:'''Narrator''': Once, an engine attached to a train was afraid of a few drops of rain. It went into a tunnel and squeaked through its funnel, and wouldn't come out again. The engine's name is Henry. His driver and fireman argued with him, but he would not move.
:'''Henry''': ''[hides in a tunnel]'' The rain will spoil my lovely green paint and red stripes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Narrator''': Everyone pulled except the Fat Controller.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Because... My doctor has forbidden me to pull.
:'''Narrator''': But still, Henry stayed in the tunnel. Then they tried pushing from the other end. The Fat Controller said...
:'''The Fat Controller''': 1, 2, 3, PUSH!
:'''Narrator''': But he didn't help.
:'''The Fat Controller''': My doctor has forbidden me to push.

====Ending (UK version)====
:'''Narrator''': Eventually, even the Fat Controller gave up.
:'''The Fat Controller''': We shall take away your rails, and leave you here for always and ''always and ALWAYS.''
:'''Narrator''': They took up the old rails and built a wall in front of him, so that Henry couldn't get out of the tunnel anymore. [...] Soot and dirt from the tunnel had spoilt his lovely green paint and red stripes anyway. He wondered if he would ever be allowed to pull trains again. But I think he deserved his punishment, don't you?

====Ending (US version)====
:'''Narrator''': Eventually, even Sir Topham Hatt gave up.
:'''Sir Topham Hatt''': We shall take away your rails, and leave you here until you're ready to come out of the tunnel.
:'''Narrator''': They took up the old rails and built a wall in front of Henry, so that other engines wouldn't bump into him. [...] Soot and dirt from the tunnel had spoiled his lovely green paint and red stripes anyway. How long do you think Henry will stay in the tunnel before he overcomes his fear of the rain, and decides to journey out again?

===''Edward, Gordon and Henry (UK) / Henry to the Rescue (US)'' [1.4]===
:'''Henry''': Oh dear. Why did I worry about rain spoiling my lovely coat of paint? Will the Fat Controller ever forgive me and let me out again?
:'''Gordon''': I'm going to &quot;poop-poop!&quot; at Henry!
:'''Narrator''': He was almost there when... Wheesh! And there was proud Gordon going slower and slower in a cloud of steam. His driver stopped the train.
:'''Gordon''': What has happened to me?! I feel so weak!
:'''Driver''': You burst your safety valve. You can't pull the train anymore!
:'''Gordon''': Oh, dear! We were going so nicely, too! And look! There's Henry laughing at me!
:'''Narrator''': Everyone came to see Gordon.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Huh! I never liked these big engines, always going wrong. Send for another engine at once.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Gordon notices Edward approaching the coaches]''
:'''Gordon''': Hmph! That's no use. Edward can't push the train!
:'''Narrator''': Edward puffed and pushed and pushed and puffed, but he couldn't move the heavy coaches.
:'''Gordon''': I told you so! Why not let Henry try?
:'''The Fat Controller''': Yes! I will!

===''Thomas' Train (UK) / A Big Day for Thomas (US)'' [1.5]===
:'''Thomas''': I spend my time pulling coaches about, ready for ''you'' to take out on journeys.
:'''Narrator''': The other engines laughed.
:'''Thomas''': Why can't ''I'' pull passenger trains, too?
:'''Henry, Edward, and Gordon''': You're too impatient. You'd be sure to leave something behind.
:'''Thomas''': Rubbish! I'll show you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Signalman''': Hello, Thomas. What are you doing here?
:'''Thomas''': I'm pulling a train. Can't you see?
:'''Signalman''': Where are your coaches, then?
:'''Narrator''': Thomas looked back.
:'''Thomas''': Why, bless me! If we haven't left them behind!
:'''Signalman''': Yes. You'd better go back quickly and fetch them.

===''Thomas and the Trucks (UK) / Trouble for Thomas (US)'' [1.6]===
:'''Thomas''': I'm tired of pushing coaches. I want to see the world.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Fat Controller''': What are you doing here, Thomas?
:'''Thomas''': I brought Edward's trucks.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Why did you come so fast?
:'''Thomas''': I didn't mean to. I was pushed.
:'''The Fat Controller''': You've got a lot to learn about trucks then, little Thomas. After pushing them about here for a few weeks, you'll know almost as much about them as Edward. Then you'll be a really useful engine.

===''Thomas and the Breakdown Train (UK) / Thomas Saves the Day (US)'' [1.7]===
:'''The Fat Controller''': Hello! Remember, don't be impatient, Thomas. You can never be as strong and fast as Gordon, but you ''can'' be a really useful engine. Don't let the silly trucks tease you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Thomas''': ''[pushes the breakdown train to the scene of James' accident]'' Bother those trucks and their tricks! I hope poor James isn't hurt.

===''James and the Coaches (UK) / James Learns a Lesson (US)'' [1.8]===
:'''The Fat Controller''': If you can't behave, I shall take away your red coat, and have you painted blue.
:'''Narrator''': James didn't like that at all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after James stops all of a sudden]''
:'''James''': What's the matter?
:'''Driver''': The brakes are on. Leak in the pipe, most likely. You've banged the coaches enough to make a leak in anything!
:''[he and the guard inspect the damage]''
:'''Guard''': How shall we mend it?
:'''Driver''': We'll do it with newspaper and a leather bootlace.
:'''Guard''': Well, where is the bootlace coming from?
:'''Driver''': Ask the passengers.
:''[the guard turns to the passengers]''
:'''Guard''': ''[to a smartly-dressed passenger]'' You have a leather bootlace there I see, sir. Please give it to me.
:'''Passenger''': I won't.
:'''Guard''': Then I'm afraid the train will just stop where it is.
:'''Narrator''': The passengers all said what a bad railway it was. Then they told the man how bad he was instead. Everyone was very cross. At last, he handed his laces over. 

===''Troublesome Trucks (UK) / Foolish Freight Cars (US)'' [1.9]===
:'''The Fat Controller''': I see you are sorry, James. I hope now that you will be a better engine. You have given me a lot of trouble. People are laughing at my railway, and I don't like that at all.
:'''James''': I'm very sorry, Sir. I will try hard to behave.
:'''The Fat Controller''': That's a good engine! I want you to pull some trucks for me.
:'''Narrator''': James was delighted and puffed away.
:'''Thomas''': Here are your trucks, James. Have you got some bootlaces ready?
:'''Narrator''': And he ran off laughing.
:'''Trucks''': Oh! Oh! Oh! We want a proper engine, not a red monster.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Fat Controller''': I was in Edward's train, and I saw everything. You've made the most troublesome trucks on the line behave. After that performance, you deserve to keep your red coat.

===''James and the Express (UK) / A Proud Day for James (US)'' [1.10]===
:'''Gordon''': Wake up, James. It's nearly time for the express. What are you doing, odd jobs? Ah, well. We all have to begin somewhere. Don't we? Run along and get my coaches. Don't be late.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Gordon tries to sneak into Knapford Station undetected]''
:'''James''': Hello, Gordon. Is it tomorrow?
:'''Narrator''': Gordon didn't answer. He just let off steam feebly.
:'''James''': Did you lose your way, Gordon?
:'''Gordon''': No. It was lost for me. I was switched off the main line onto the loop. I had to go all around and back again!
:'''James''': Perhaps it was instinct.
:'''Narrator''': Meanwhile, all the passengers hurried to the booking office.
:'''Passengers''': We want our money back!
:'''Narrator''': But the Fat Director climbed on a trolley and blew the guard’s whistle so loudly, that they all stopped to look at him. Then he promised them a new train at once.

===''Thomas and the Guard (UK) / Thomas and the Conductor (US)'' [1.11]===
:''[Henry arrives at the station late]''
:'''Thomas''': Where have you been, lazybones?
:'''Henry''': Oh, dear. My system is out of order. No one understands my case. You don't know what I suffer!
:'''Thomas''': Rubbish! You're too fat. You need exercise.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Thomas''': Peep! Peep! Peep! Where is the guard?
:'''Annie and Clarabel''': We've left him behind!

===''Thomas Goes Fishing'' [1.12]===
:'''Thomas''': I want to fish!
:'''Narrator''': But they all had the same answer.
:'''James''': Engines don't go fishing.
:'''Thomas''': Silly stick-in-the-muds.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[the Fat Controller looks into Thomas' tank]''
:'''The Fat Controller''': Inspector, can you see... fish?
:'''Narrator''': Thomas was horrified upon hearing such news.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Gracious, goodness me! How did the fish get there, Driver?
:'''Driver''': We must've fished them from the river with our bucket.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Well, Thomas, so you and your Driver have been fishing. But fish don't suit you. We must get them out.
:'''Narrator''': They all took turns at fishing in Thomas' tank, while The Fat Controller looked on and told them how to do it. When they had caught all the fish, they had a lovely picnic supper of fish and chips.
:'''The Fat Controller''': ''[finishes meal]'' Mmm! That was good! But fish don't suit you, Thomas, so you mustn't do it again.
:'''Thomas''': No, Sir, I won't. Engines don't go fishing. It's too uncomfortable.

===''Thomas, Terence and the Snow (UK) / Terence the Tractor (US)'' [1.13]===
:'''Terence''': Hello! I'm Terence. I'm plowing.
:'''Thomas''': I'm Thomas. I'm pulling a train. What ugly wheels you've got.
:'''Terence''': They're not ugly. They're caterpillars! I can go anywhere. I don't need rails.
:'''Thomas''': I don't want to go ''anywhere''. I like my rails. Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Thomas''': ''[stuck in the snow]'' Oh, my wheels and coupling rods! I shall have to stop here till I'm frozen! What a silly engine I am!

===''Thomas and Bertie (UK) / Thomas and Bertie's Great Race (US)'' [1.14]===
:'''Thomas''': Hello. Who are you?
:'''Bertie''': I'm Bertie. Who are you?
:'''Thomas''': I'm Thomas. I run this Branch Line.
:'''Bertie''': So ''you're'' Thomas eh? I remember now. You got stuck in the snow. I took your passengers, and Terence the Tractor pulled you out. I've come to help you with your passengers today.
:'''Thomas''': Help me? I can go faster than you.
:'''Bertie''': You can't.
:'''Thomas''': I can.
:'''Bertie''': I'll race you.
:'''Narrator''': Their drivers agreed to the race going ahead. The stationmaster said:
:'''Stationmaster''': Are you ready? GO!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[after the race]''
:'''Bertie''': Well done, Thomas! That was fun! But to beat you over that hill, I should have to grow wings and be an airplane.

===''Tenders and Turntables'' [1.15]===
:'''Gordon''': You don't understand, little Thomas. We tender engines have a position to keep up. It doesn't matter where you go, but we are important. And for the Fat Controller to make us do shunting, fetch coaches, and go on some of those dirty sidings, it's... It's... Well, it's not the proper thing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[James is spun around on the turntable]''
:'''Gordon''': Well, well! Are you playing roundabouts?
:'''Narrator''': Poor James feeling quite giddy rolled off to the shed without a word. That night, the three engines had an indignation meeting.
:'''Henry''': It's shameful to treat tender engines like this, Gordon has to go backwards and people think he's a tank engine, James spins around like a top and everyone laughs at us! And to add to that, the Fat Controller makes us all shunt in dirty sidings.
:'''Gordon''': Blegh! Listen.
:'''Narrator''': He whispered something to the others.
:'''Gordon''': We'll do it tomorrow. The Fat Controller will look silly.
:'''Narrator''': The engines had decided to go on strike.

===''Trouble in the Shed'' [1.16]===
:'''The Fat Controller''': Come along, Henry. It's time your train was ready.
:'''Gordon''': Henry's not going. We won't shunt like common tank engines. That was Thomas' job. We are important ''tender'' engines. You fetch our coaches, and we will pull them. Tender engines don't shunt.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Oh, indeed! We'll see about that. Engines on my railway do as they are told.
:''[he gets into his car and drives off to get Edward]''
:'''The Fat Controller''': The yard has never been the same since Thomas left to run his branch line.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''The Fat Controller''': Bless me! What a noise!
:'''Edward''': They all hiss me, Sir. They say tender engines don't shunt, and last night, they said I have black wheels. I haven't, have I, Sir?
:'''The Fat Controller''': No, Edward. You have nice, blue ones, and I'm proud of you. Tender engines ''do'' shunt. But all the same, we do need another tank engine here.

===''Percy Runs Away'' [1.17]===
:'''Gordon''': ''[about to crash into Percy]'' OH! GET OUT OF MY WAY!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gordon''': ''[helps Percy out of the earth bank]'' Well done, Percy. You started so quickly that you stopped a nasty accident.
:'''Percy''': I'm sorry I was cheeky. You were clever to stop.

===''Coal (UK) / Henry's Special Coal (US)'' [1.18]===
:'''Henry''': I suffer dreadfully, and no one cares.
:'''James''': Rubbish, Henry! You don't work hard enough.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''The Fat Controller''': How are you, Henry?
:'''Henry''': Peep-Peep! I feel fine!
:'''The Fat Controller''': Have you a good fire, Driver?
:'''Driver''': Never better, Sir, and plenty of steam.
:'''The Fat Controller''': No record breaking. Don't push him too hard.
:'''Driver''': Henry won't need pushing, Sir. I'll have to hold him back.

===''The Flying Kipper'' [1.19]===
:'''Henry''': ''[pulls out of the harbor]'' Come on! Come on! Don't be silly! Don't be silly!
:'''Vans''': Trock-trick! Trock-trick! All right! All right!
:'''Henry''': That's better. That's better.
:'''Narrator''': Clouds of smoke and steam poured from his funnel into the cold air, and the fire's light shone brightly.
:'''Henry''': Hurry, hurry, hurry!
:'''Narrator''': They were going well. The light grew better. Signal lights shown green as they passed. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[after the accident]''
:'''Henry''': The signal was down, Sir.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Cheer up, Henry. It wasn't your fault. Ice and snow caused the accident. I'm sending you to Crewe, a fine place for sick engines. They'll give you a new shape and a larger firebox. You'll feel a different engine, and you won't need special coal anymore. Won't that be nice?
:'''Henry''': ''[doubtful]'' Yes, sir.

===''Whistles and Sneezes'' [1.20]===
:'''Gordon''': Why should Henry have a new shape? A shape good enough for me is good enough for him. He goes gallivanting off to Crewe, leaving us to do his work, and comes back saying how happy he feels. It's disgraceful! And there's another thing: Henry whistles too much! No respectable engine ever whistles loudly at stations. It isn't wrong, but we just don't do it!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Driver''': Henry has plenty of ashes. Please keep all windows shut till we pass the bridge. Henry's as excited as we are. Aren't you, old fellow?
:'''Narrator''': Henry was feeling &quot;stuffed-up&quot;.

===''Toby and the Stout Gentleman (UK) / Toby the Tram Engine (US)'' [1.21]===
:'''Grandchildren''': Come on, Grandfather! Do look at this engine.
:'''The Fat Controller''': That's a tram engine, Stephen.
:'''Bridget''': Is it electric?
:'''Toby''': ''[angrily]'' WHOOSH!
:'''Stephen''': Shh! You've offended him!
:'''Bridget''': But trams are electric, aren't they?
:'''The Fat Controller''': They are mostly, but this is a ''steam'' tram.
:'''Stephen and Bridget''': May we go in it, Grandfather? Please?
:'''The Fat Controller''': ''[to the guard]'' STOP!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Henrietta''': Hip-Hip-Hooray!
:'''Narrator''': But Toby didn't sing.
:'''Toby''': Electric, indeed. Electric, indeed.

===''Thomas in Trouble (UK) / Thomas Breaks the Rules (US)'' [1.22]===
:'''Policeman''': Where's your cowcatcher?
:'''Thomas''': But I don't catch cows, sir.
:'''Policeman''': Don't be funny.
:'''Narrator''': He looked at Thomas' wheels.
:'''Policeman''': No side plates either.
:'''Narrator''': And he wrote in his notebook.
:'''Policeman''': Engines going on public roads must have their wheels covered and a cowcatcher in front to protect people and animals from being dragged under the wheels if they stray onto the line. ''[directly to Thomas]'' You haven't, so you are dangerous.
:'''Driver''': Rubbish! We've been along here hundreds of times and never had an accident.
:'''Policeman''': That makes it worse.
:'''Narrator''': He wrote &quot;Regular Lawbreaker&quot; in his book. Thomas puffed sadly away. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Narrator''': At the station, Thomas' driver told the Fat Controller what had happened.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Dangerous to the public, indeed! We'll see about that!
:'''Narrator''': The Fat Controller spoke to the Policeman. But however much he argued with him, it was no good.
:'''Policeman''': The law is the law, and we can't change it.
:'''Narrator''': The Fat Controller felt exhausted.
:'''The Fat Controller''': I'm sorry, Driver. It's no use arguing with policemen. We will have to make those &quot;cowcatcher&quot; things for Thomas, I suppose.
:'''Thomas''': Everyone will laugh, Sir! They'll say I look like a tram!
:'''Narrator''': The Fat Controller stared, then he laughed.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Well done, Thomas! Why didn't I think of it before?! We need a tram engine! When I was on my holiday, I met a nice little engine called Toby. He takes trucks from the farms, but the lorries are taking over most of his work and he needs a change. He has cowcatchers and sideplates. I'll write to his controller at once.

===''Dirty Objects (UK) / James in a Mess (US)'' [1.23]===
:'''James''': ''[eyes Toby and Henrietta]'' Ugh! What dirty objects!
:'''Narrator''': At last, Toby lost patience.
:'''Toby''': ''[offended]'' James, why are you red?
:'''James''': I am a splendid engine. Ready for anything. You never see my paint dirty.
:'''Toby''': Oh! That's why you once needed bootlaces, to be ready, I suppose.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Toby''': Look here, Percy. Whatever is that dirty object?
:'''Percy''': That's James. Didn't you know?
:'''Toby''': It's James' shape. But James is a splendid red engine, and you never see ''his'' paint dirty.
:'''Narrator''': James pretended he hadn't heard.

===''Off the Rails (UK) / Gordon Takes a Dip (US)'' [1.24]===
:'''Gordon''': ''[in his sleep]'' It's really tiring to be such a large and splendid engine. One does have to keep up appearances so.
:''[Henry shows up unexpectedly]''
:'''Henry''': Peep-Peep-Peep-Peep! Hello, Fat face!
:'''Gordon''': What cheek! That Henry is too big for his wheels. Fancy speaking to me like that. ''Me'', who has never had an accident!
:'''Percy''': Aren't jammed whistles and burst safety valves accidents?
:'''Gordon''': No, indeed! High spirits- Might happen to any engine. But to come off the rails like Henry did, well I ask you, is that right? Is it decent?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Fat Controller''': ''[on the phone]'' So Gordon didn't want to take the special train and ran into a ditch?! What's that you say? The special's waiting? Tell Edward to take it, please. And Gordon, leave him where he is. We haven't have time to bother him now.

===''Down the Mine'' [1.25]===
:'''Thomas''': PEW! What a funny smell! Can you smell a smell?
:'''Annie''': I can't smell a smell.
:'''Thomas''': A funny, musty sort of smell.
:'''Gordon''': No one noticed it 'til ''you'' did. It must be yours.
:'''Narrator''': Not long ago, he had fallen into a dirty ditch. Thomas enjoyed teasing him about it.
:'''Thomas''': Annie, Clarabel, do you know what I think it is? It's ditch water!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Thomas''': ''[after falling down the mine]'' Fire and smoke! I'm sunk! Oh, dear! I am a silly engine!
:'''The Fat Controller''': ''[smiles]'' And a very naughty one, too. I saw you.
:'''Thomas''': Please get me out. I won't be naughty again.
:'''The Fat Controller''': I'm not sure. We can't lift you out with a crane. The ground's not firm enough. Hmm... Let me see... I wonder if Gordn could pull you out.
:'''Thomas''': ''[nervously]'' Yes, Sir.

===''Thomas' Christmas Party'' [1.26]===
:'''Annie and Clarabel''': It's always the same before Christmas. We feel so full! We feel so full!
:'''Thomas''': Oh, come on! Where's your festive spirit? Christmas Day is almost here!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Ha! Just look at us. Your driver will have to work fast to get you as smart as us.
:'''Thomas''': Never mind that. I have something important to say. Do you realize it's been a whole year since Mrs. Kyndley saved us from a nasty accident?
:''[he has a flashback of what happened]''
:'''Thomas''': You remember, when she was ill and bed, and...?
:'''Edward''': Yes, of course. You told us how she waved her red dressing gown out of her window to warn you about a landslide ahead.
:'''Percy''': And you and Toby gave her presents. And the Fat Controller sent her to Bournemouth to get better.
:'''James''' and '''Henry''': But...
:'''James''' or '''Henry''': The rest of us never thanked her properly.
:'''Thomas''': Exactly! So, now I think we should all give her a special Christmas party.


==External links==
*{{imdb title | id=0086815 | title=Thomas the Tank Engine &amp; Friends}}

[[Category:Thomas &amp; Friends]]
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
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'''''[[Thomas &amp; Friends|Thomas the Tank Engine &amp; Friends]]''''' Season 1

==Season 1==

===''Thomas and Gordon (UK) / Thomas Gets Tricked (US)'' [1.1]===
:'''Narrator''': Thomas is a tank engine who lives at the big station on the Island of Sodor. He's a cheeky little engine with six small wheels, a short stumpy funnel, a short stumpy boiler, and a short stumpy dome.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Thomas''': ''[taken through Gordon's fast ride]'' Peep! Peep! Stop! Stop!
:'''Gordon''': Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
:'''Coaches''': You can't get away! You can't get away!

===''Edward and Gordon (UK) / Edward Helps Out (US)'' [1.2]===
:'''Trucks''': ''[after Edward bumps them]'' OOH! Whatever is happening?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Gordon refuses to go up the hill]''
:'''Driver''': You're not trying.
:'''Gordon''': I can't do it! The noisy trucks hold an engine back so!
:'''Narrator''': Edward's driver came up.
:'''Edward's Driver''': We've come to push.
:'''Gordon''': No use at all!
:'''Edward's Driver''': You wait and see.
:'''Narrator''': They brought the train back to the bottom of the hill.
:'''Edward''': I'm ready.
:'''Gordon''': No good.
:'''Narrator''': They pulled and pushed as hard as they could.
:'''Gordon''': I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it!
:'''Edward''': I will do it, I will do it, I will do it!

===''The Sad Story of Henry (UK) / Come Out, Henry! (US)'' [1.3]===
:'''Narrator''': Once, an engine attached to a train was afraid of a few drops of rain. It went into a tunnel and squeaked through its funnel, and wouldn't come out again. The engine's name is Henry. His driver and fireman argued with him, but he would not move.
:'''Henry''': ''[hides in a tunnel]'' The rain will spoil my lovely green paint and red stripes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Narrator''': Everyone pulled except the Fat Controller.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Because... My doctor has forbidden me to pull.
:'''Narrator''': But still, Henry stayed in the tunnel. Then they tried pushing from the other end. The Fat Controller said...
:'''The Fat Controller''': 1, 2, 3, PUSH!
:'''Narrator''': But he didn't help.
:'''The Fat Controller''': My doctor has forbidden me to push.

====Ending (UK version)====
:'''Narrator''': Eventually, even the Fat Controller gave up.
:'''The Fat Controller''': We shall take away your rails, and leave you here for always and ''always and ALWAYS.''
:'''Narrator''': They took up the old rails and built a wall in front of him, so that Henry couldn't get out of the tunnel anymore. [...] Soot and dirt from the tunnel had spoilt his lovely green paint and red stripes anyway. He wondered if he would ever be allowed to pull trains again. But I think he deserved his punishment, don't you?

====Ending (US version)====
:'''Narrator''': Eventually, even Sir Topham Hatt gave up.
:'''Sir Topham Hatt''': We shall take away your rails, and leave you here until you're ready to come out of the tunnel.
:'''Narrator''': They took up the old rails and built a wall in front of Henry, so that other engines wouldn't bump into him. [...] Soot and dirt from the tunnel had spoiled his lovely green paint and red stripes anyway. How long do you think Henry will stay in the tunnel before he overcomes his fear of the rain, and decides to journey out again?

===''Edward, Gordon and Henry (UK) / Henry to the Rescue (US)'' [1.4]===
:'''Henry''': Oh dear. Why did I worry about rain spoiling my lovely coat of paint? Will the Fat Controller ever forgive me and let me out again?
:'''Gordon''': I'm going to &quot;poop-poop!&quot; at Henry!
:'''Narrator''': He was almost there when... Wheesh! And there was Gordon going slower and slower in a cloud of steam. His driver stopped the train.
:'''Gordon''': What has happened to me? I feel so weak.
:'''Driver''': You burst your safety valve. You can't pull the train anymore.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, dear.! We were going so nicely, too. And look, there's Henry laughing at me.
:'''Narrator''': Everyone came to see Gordon.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Huh! I never liked these big engines, always going wrong. Send for another engine at once.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Gordon notices Edward approaching the coaches]''
:'''Gordon''': Hmph! That's no use. Edward can't push the train.
:'''Narrator''': Edward puffed and pushed and pushed and puffed, but he couldn't move the heavy coaches.
:'''Gordon''': I told you so. Why not let Henry try?
:'''The Fat Controller''': Yes. I will.

===''Thomas' Train (UK) / A Big Day for Thomas (US)'' [1.5]===
:'''Thomas''': I spend my time pulling coaches about, ready for ''you'' to take out on journeys.
:'''Narrator''': The other engines laughed.
:'''Thomas''': Why can't ''I'' pull passenger trains, too?
:'''Henry, Edward, and Gordon''': You're too impatient. You'd be sure to leave something behind.
:'''Thomas''': Rubbish! I'll show you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Signalman''': Hello, Thomas. What are you doing here?
:'''Thomas''': I'm pulling a train. Can't you see?
:'''Signalman''': Where are your coaches, then?
:'''Narrator''': Thomas looked back.
:'''Thomas''': Why, bless me! If we haven't left them behind!
:'''Signalman''': Yes. You'd better go back quickly and fetch them.

===''Thomas and the Trucks (UK) / Trouble for Thomas (US)'' [1.6]===
:'''Thomas''': I'm tired of pushing coaches. I want to see the world.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Fat Controller''': What are you doing here, Thomas?
:'''Thomas''': I brought Edward's trucks.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Why did you come so fast?
:'''Thomas''': I didn't mean to. I was pushed.
:'''The Fat Controller''': You've got a lot to learn about trucks then, little Thomas. After pushing them about here for a few weeks, you'll know almost as much about them as Edward. Then you'll be a really useful engine.

===''Thomas and the Breakdown Train (UK) / Thomas Saves the Day (US)'' [1.7]===
:'''The Fat Controller''': Hello! Remember, don't be impatient, Thomas. You can never be as strong and fast as Gordon, but you ''can'' be a really useful engine. Don't let the silly trucks tease you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Thomas''': ''[pushes the breakdown train to the scene of James' accident]'' Bother those trucks and their tricks! I hope poor James isn't hurt.

===''James and the Coaches (UK) / James Learns a Lesson (US)'' [1.8]===
:'''The Fat Controller''': If you can't behave, I shall take away your red coat, and have you painted blue.
:'''Narrator''': James didn't like that at all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after James stops all of a sudden]''
:'''James''': What's the matter?
:'''Driver''': The brakes are on. Leak in the pipe, most likely. You've banged the coaches enough to make a leak in anything!
:''[he and the guard inspect the damage]''
:'''Guard''': How shall we mend it?
:'''Driver''': We'll do it with newspaper and a leather bootlace.
:'''Guard''': Well, where is the bootlace coming from?
:'''Driver''': Ask the passengers.
:''[the guard turns to the passengers]''
:'''Guard''': ''[to a smartly-dressed passenger]'' You have a leather bootlace there I see, sir. Please give it to me.
:'''Passenger''': I won't.
:'''Guard''': Then I'm afraid the train will just stop where it is.
:'''Narrator''': The passengers all said what a bad railway it was. Then they told the man how bad he was instead. Everyone was very cross. At last, he handed his laces over. 

===''Troublesome Trucks (UK) / Foolish Freight Cars (US)'' [1.9]===
:'''The Fat Controller''': I see you are sorry, James. I hope now that you will be a better engine. You have given me a lot of trouble. People are laughing at my railway, and I don't like that at all.
:'''James''': I'm very sorry, Sir. I will try hard to behave.
:'''The Fat Controller''': That's a good engine! I want you to pull some trucks for me.
:'''Narrator''': James was delighted and puffed away.
:'''Thomas''': Here are your trucks, James. Have you got some bootlaces ready?
:'''Narrator''': And he ran off laughing.
:'''Trucks''': Oh! Oh! Oh! We want a proper engine, not a red monster.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Fat Controller''': I was in Edward's train, and I saw everything. You've made the most troublesome trucks on the line behave. After that performance, you deserve to keep your red coat.

===''James and the Express (UK) / A Proud Day for James (US)'' [1.10]===
:'''Gordon''': Wake up, James. It's nearly time for the express. What are you doing, odd jobs? Ah, well. We all have to begin somewhere. Don't we? Run along and get my coaches. Don't be late.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Gordon tries to sneak into Knapford Station undetected]''
:'''James''': Hello, Gordon. Is it tomorrow?
:'''Narrator''': Gordon didn't answer. He just let off steam feebly.
:'''James''': Did you lose your way, Gordon?
:'''Gordon''': No. It was lost for me. I was switched off the main line onto the loop. I had to go all around and back again!
:'''James''': Perhaps it was instinct.
:'''Narrator''': Meanwhile, all the passengers hurried to the booking office.
:'''Passengers''': We want our money back!
:'''Narrator''': But the Fat Director climbed on a trolley and blew the guard’s whistle so loudly, that they all stopped to look at him. Then he promised them a new train at once.

===''Thomas and the Guard (UK) / Thomas and the Conductor (US)'' [1.11]===
:''[Henry arrives at the station late]''
:'''Thomas''': Where have you been, lazybones?
:'''Henry''': Oh, dear. My system is out of order. No one understands my case. You don't know what I suffer!
:'''Thomas''': Rubbish! You're too fat. You need exercise.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Thomas''': Peep! Peep! Peep! Where is the guard?
:'''Annie and Clarabel''': We've left him behind!

===''Thomas Goes Fishing'' [1.12]===
:'''Thomas''': I want to fish!
:'''Narrator''': But they all had the same answer.
:'''James''': Engines don't go fishing.
:'''Thomas''': Silly stick-in-the-muds.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[the Fat Controller looks into Thomas' tank]''
:'''The Fat Controller''': Inspector, can you see... fish?
:'''Narrator''': Thomas was horrified upon hearing such news.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Gracious, goodness me! How did the fish get there, Driver?
:'''Driver''': We must've fished them from the river with our bucket.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Well, Thomas, so you and your Driver have been fishing. But fish don't suit you. We must get them out.
:'''Narrator''': They all took turns at fishing in Thomas' tank, while The Fat Controller looked on and told them how to do it. When they had caught all the fish, they had a lovely picnic supper of fish and chips.
:'''The Fat Controller''': ''[finishes meal]'' Mmm! That was good! But fish don't suit you, Thomas, so you mustn't do it again.
:'''Thomas''': No, Sir, I won't. Engines don't go fishing. It's too uncomfortable.

===''Thomas, Terence and the Snow (UK) / Terence the Tractor (US)'' [1.13]===
:'''Terence''': Hello! I'm Terence. I'm plowing.
:'''Thomas''': I'm Thomas. I'm pulling a train. What ugly wheels you've got.
:'''Terence''': They're not ugly. They're caterpillars! I can go anywhere. I don't need rails.
:'''Thomas''': I don't want to go ''anywhere''. I like my rails. Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Thomas''': ''[stuck in the snow]'' Oh, my wheels and coupling rods! I shall have to stop here till I'm frozen! What a silly engine I am!

===''Thomas and Bertie (UK) / Thomas and Bertie's Great Race (US)'' [1.14]===
:'''Thomas''': Hello. Who are you?
:'''Bertie''': I'm Bertie. Who are you?
:'''Thomas''': I'm Thomas. I run this Branch Line.
:'''Bertie''': So ''you're'' Thomas eh? I remember now. You got stuck in the snow. I took your passengers, and Terence the Tractor pulled you out. I've come to help you with your passengers today.
:'''Thomas''': Help me? I can go faster than you.
:'''Bertie''': You can't.
:'''Thomas''': I can.
:'''Bertie''': I'll race you.
:'''Narrator''': Their drivers agreed to the race going ahead. The stationmaster said:
:'''Stationmaster''': Are you ready? GO!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[after the race]''
:'''Bertie''': Well done, Thomas! That was fun! But to beat you over that hill, I should have to grow wings and be an airplane.

===''Tenders and Turntables'' [1.15]===
:'''Gordon''': You don't understand, little Thomas. We tender engines have a position to keep up. It doesn't matter where you go, but we are important. And for the Fat Controller to make us do shunting, fetch coaches, and go on some of those dirty sidings, it's... It's... Well, it's not the proper thing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[James is spun around on the turntable]''
:'''Gordon''': Well, well! Are you playing roundabouts?
:'''Narrator''': Poor James feeling quite giddy rolled off to the shed without a word. That night, the three engines had an indignation meeting.
:'''Henry''': It's shameful to treat tender engines like this, Gordon has to go backwards and people think he's a tank engine, James spins around like a top and everyone laughs at us! And to add to that, the Fat Controller makes us all shunt in dirty sidings.
:'''Gordon''': Blegh! Listen.
:'''Narrator''': He whispered something to the others.
:'''Gordon''': We'll do it tomorrow. The Fat Controller will look silly.
:'''Narrator''': The engines had decided to go on strike.

===''Trouble in the Shed'' [1.16]===
:'''The Fat Controller''': Come along, Henry. It's time your train was ready.
:'''Gordon''': Henry's not going. We won't shunt like common tank engines. That was Thomas' job. We are important ''tender'' engines. You fetch our coaches, and we will pull them. Tender engines don't shunt.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Oh, indeed! We'll see about that. Engines on my railway do as they are told.
:''[he gets into his car and drives off to get Edward]''
:'''The Fat Controller''': The yard has never been the same since Thomas left to run his branch line.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''The Fat Controller''': Bless me! What a noise!
:'''Edward''': They all hiss me, Sir. They say tender engines don't shunt, and last night, they said I have black wheels. I haven't, have I, Sir?
:'''The Fat Controller''': No, Edward. You have nice, blue ones, and I'm proud of you. Tender engines ''do'' shunt. But all the same, we do need another tank engine here.

===''Percy Runs Away'' [1.17]===
:'''Gordon''': ''[about to crash into Percy]'' OH! GET OUT OF MY WAY!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gordon''': ''[helps Percy out of the earth bank]'' Well done, Percy. You started so quickly that you stopped a nasty accident.
:'''Percy''': I'm sorry I was cheeky. You were clever to stop.

===''Coal (UK) / Henry's Special Coal (US)'' [1.18]===
:'''Henry''': I suffer dreadfully, and no one cares.
:'''James''': Rubbish, Henry! You don't work hard enough.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''The Fat Controller''': How are you, Henry?
:'''Henry''': Peep-Peep! I feel fine!
:'''The Fat Controller''': Have you a good fire, Driver?
:'''Driver''': Never better, Sir, and plenty of steam.
:'''The Fat Controller''': No record breaking. Don't push him too hard.
:'''Driver''': Henry won't need pushing, Sir. I'll have to hold him back.

===''The Flying Kipper'' [1.19]===
:'''Henry''': ''[pulls out of the harbor]'' Come on! Come on! Don't be silly! Don't be silly!
:'''Vans''': Trock-trick! Trock-trick! All right! All right!
:'''Henry''': That's better. That's better.
:'''Narrator''': Clouds of smoke and steam poured from his funnel into the cold air, and the fire's light shone brightly.
:'''Henry''': Hurry, hurry, hurry!
:'''Narrator''': They were going well. The light grew better. Signal lights shown green as they passed. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[after the accident]''
:'''Henry''': The signal was down, Sir.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Cheer up, Henry. It wasn't your fault. Ice and snow caused the accident. I'm sending you to Crewe, a fine place for sick engines. They'll give you a new shape and a larger firebox. You'll feel a different engine, and you won't need special coal anymore. Won't that be nice?
:'''Henry''': ''[doubtful]'' Yes, sir.

===''Whistles and Sneezes'' [1.20]===
:'''Gordon''': Why should Henry have a new shape? A shape good enough for me is good enough for him. He goes gallivanting off to Crewe, leaving us to do his work, and comes back saying how happy he feels. It's disgraceful! And there's another thing: Henry whistles too much! No respectable engine ever whistles loudly at stations. It isn't wrong, but we just don't do it!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Driver''': Henry has plenty of ashes. Please keep all windows shut till we pass the bridge. Henry's as excited as we are. Aren't you, old fellow?
:'''Narrator''': Henry was feeling &quot;stuffed-up&quot;.

===''Toby and the Stout Gentleman (UK) / Toby the Tram Engine (US)'' [1.21]===
:'''Grandchildren''': Come on, Grandfather! Do look at this engine.
:'''The Fat Controller''': That's a tram engine, Stephen.
:'''Bridget''': Is it electric?
:'''Toby''': ''[angrily]'' WHOOSH!
:'''Stephen''': Shh! You've offended him!
:'''Bridget''': But trams are electric, aren't they?
:'''The Fat Controller''': They are mostly, but this is a ''steam'' tram.
:'''Stephen and Bridget''': May we go in it, Grandfather? Please?
:'''The Fat Controller''': ''[to the guard]'' STOP!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Henrietta''': Hip-Hip-Hooray!
:'''Narrator''': But Toby didn't sing.
:'''Toby''': Electric, indeed. Electric, indeed.

===''Thomas in Trouble (UK) / Thomas Breaks the Rules (US)'' [1.22]===
:'''Policeman''': Where's your cowcatcher?
:'''Thomas''': But I don't catch cows, sir.
:'''Policeman''': Don't be funny.
:'''Narrator''': He looked at Thomas' wheels.
:'''Policeman''': No side plates either.
:'''Narrator''': And he wrote in his notebook.
:'''Policeman''': Engines going on public roads must have their wheels covered and a cowcatcher in front to protect people and animals from being dragged under the wheels if they stray onto the line. ''[directly to Thomas]'' You haven't, so you are dangerous.
:'''Driver''': Rubbish! We've been along here hundreds of times and never had an accident.
:'''Policeman''': That makes it worse.
:'''Narrator''': He wrote &quot;Regular Lawbreaker&quot; in his book. Thomas puffed sadly away. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Narrator''': At the station, Thomas' driver told the Fat Controller what had happened.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Dangerous to the public, indeed! We'll see about that!
:'''Narrator''': The Fat Controller spoke to the Policeman. But however much he argued with him, it was no good.
:'''Policeman''': The law is the law, and we can't change it.
:'''Narrator''': The Fat Controller felt exhausted.
:'''The Fat Controller''': I'm sorry, Driver. It's no use arguing with policemen. We will have to make those &quot;cowcatcher&quot; things for Thomas, I suppose.
:'''Thomas''': Everyone will laugh, Sir! They'll say I look like a tram!
:'''Narrator''': The Fat Controller stared, then he laughed.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Well done, Thomas! Why didn't I think of it before?! We need a tram engine! When I was on my holiday, I met a nice little engine called Toby. He takes trucks from the farms, but the lorries are taking over most of his work and he needs a change. He has cowcatchers and sideplates. I'll write to his controller at once.

===''Dirty Objects (UK) / James in a Mess (US)'' [1.23]===
:'''James''': ''[eyes Toby and Henrietta]'' Ugh! What dirty objects!
:'''Narrator''': At last, Toby lost patience.
:'''Toby''': ''[offended]'' James, why are you red?
:'''James''': I am a splendid engine. Ready for anything. You never see my paint dirty.
:'''Toby''': Oh! That's why you once needed bootlaces, to be ready, I suppose.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Toby''': Look here, Percy. Whatever is that dirty object?
:'''Percy''': That's James. Didn't you know?
:'''Toby''': It's James' shape. But James is a splendid red engine, and you never see ''his'' paint dirty.
:'''Narrator''': James pretended he hadn't heard.

===''Off the Rails (UK) / Gordon Takes a Dip (US)'' [1.24]===
:'''Gordon''': ''[in his sleep]'' It's really tiring to be such a large and splendid engine. One does have to keep up appearances so.
:''[Henry shows up unexpectedly]''
:'''Henry''': Peep-Peep-Peep-Peep! Hello, Fat face!
:'''Gordon''': What cheek! That Henry is too big for his wheels. Fancy speaking to me like that. ''Me'', who has never had an accident!
:'''Percy''': Aren't jammed whistles and burst safety valves accidents?
:'''Gordon''': No, indeed! High spirits- Might happen to any engine. But to come off the rails like Henry did, well I ask you, is that right? Is it decent?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Fat Controller''': ''[on the phone]'' So Gordon didn't want to take the special train and ran into a ditch?! What's that you say? The special's waiting? Tell Edward to take it, please. And Gordon, leave him where he is. We haven't have time to bother him now.

===''Down the Mine'' [1.25]===
:'''Thomas''': PEW! What a funny smell! Can you smell a smell?
:'''Annie''': I can't smell a smell.
:'''Thomas''': A funny, musty sort of smell.
:'''Gordon''': No one noticed it 'til ''you'' did. It must be yours.
:'''Narrator''': Not long ago, he had fallen into a dirty ditch. Thomas enjoyed teasing him about it.
:'''Thomas''': Annie, Clarabel, do you know what I think it is? It's ditch water!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Thomas''': ''[after falling down the mine]'' Fire and smoke! I'm sunk! Oh, dear! I am a silly engine!
:'''The Fat Controller''': ''[smiles]'' And a very naughty one, too. I saw you.
:'''Thomas''': Please get me out. I won't be naughty again.
:'''The Fat Controller''': I'm not sure. We can't lift you out with a crane. The ground's not firm enough. Hmm... Let me see... I wonder if Gordn could pull you out.
:'''Thomas''': ''[nervously]'' Yes, Sir.

===''Thomas' Christmas Party'' [1.26]===
:'''Annie and Clarabel''': It's always the same before Christmas. We feel so full! We feel so full!
:'''Thomas''': Oh, come on! Where's your festive spirit? Christmas Day is almost here!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Ha! Just look at us. Your driver will have to work fast to get you as smart as us.
:'''Thomas''': Never mind that. I have something important to say. Do you realize it's been a whole year since Mrs. Kyndley saved us from a nasty accident?
:''[he has a flashback of what happened]''
:'''Thomas''': You remember, when she was ill and bed, and...?
:'''Edward''': Yes, of course. You told us how she waved her red dressing gown out of her window to warn you about a landslide ahead.
:'''Percy''': And you and Toby gave her presents. And the Fat Controller sent her to Bournemouth to get better.
:'''James''' and '''Henry''': But...
:'''James''' or '''Henry''': The rest of us never thanked her properly.
:'''Thomas''': Exactly! So, now I think we should all give her a special Christmas party.


==External links==
*{{imdb title | id=0086815 | title=Thomas the Tank Engine &amp; Friends}}

[[Category:Thomas &amp; Friends]]
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{{wikipedia|Thomas and Friends}}
'''''[[Thomas &amp; Friends|Thomas the Tank Engine &amp; Friends]]''''' Season 2

==Season 2==

===''Thomas, Percy and the Coal (UK) / Double Trouble (US)'' [2.1]===
:'''Percy''': Hello, Thomas. You look splendid.
:'''Thomas''': Yes, indeed. Blue is the only proper color for an engine.
:'''Toby''': Oh, I don't know. I like my brown paint.
:'''Percy''': I've always been green. I wouldn't wanna be any other color, either.
:'''Thomas''': Well, well, anyway, blue is the only color for a ''really useful'' engine. Everyone knows that.
:''[he huffs away]''
:'''Narrator''': Percy said no more. He just grinned at Toby.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Thomas''': ''[watches the hopper load coal into Percy's trucks]'' Careful. Watch out with those silly trucks.
:'''Trucks''': Go on! Go on! Go on!
:'''Thomas''': And by the way, those buffers don't look very safe to me.
:''[Percy accidentally hits said buffers; the last load of coal pours down on Thomas]''
:'''Narrator''': The last load poured down.
:'''Thomas''': HELP! I'M CHOKING! GET ME OUT!
:'''Narrator''': Percy was worried, but he couldn't help laughing. Thomas' smart blue paint was covered in coal dust, from smoke-box to bunker.
:'''Percy''': Ha-ha! You don't look really useful now, Thomas. You look really disgraceful.
:'''Thomas''': I'm ''not'' disgraceful. You did that on purpose. Get me out!

===''Cows (UK) / A Cow on the Line (US)'' [2.2]===
:''[after hearing about Edward's problem with his trucks]''
:'''Gordon''': Fancy allowing cows to break his train!
:'''Henry''': They wouldn't dare do that to us. We'd show them!
:'''Narrator''': Toby was cross.
:'''Toby''': You couldn't help it, Edward. They've never met cows. I have, and I know the trouble they are!
:'''Narrator''': Some days later, Gordon rushed through Edward's Station.
:'''Gordon''': Poop, Poop! Mind the Cows! Hurry, Hurry, Hurry!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Henry finds Gordon on the bridge, where Bluebell is blocking his way]''
:'''Henry''': What's this? A cow? I'll soon settle her. Be off! Be off!
:'''Bluebell''': Moo!
:'''Narrator''': Henry backed away nervously.
:'''Henry''': I don't want to hurt her.

===''Bertie's Chase'' [2.3]===
:'''Edward''': Peep-Peep! We're late! Where is Thomas? He doesn't usually make us wait.
:'''Fireman''': ''[sings]'' Oh, dear. What can the matter be? Johnny's so long, and...
:'''Driver''': Never you mind about Johnny. Just you climb on the cab and look for Thomas.
:''[the fireman climbs on top of Edward's cab]''
:'''Driver''': Can you see him?
:'''Fireman''': No. There's Bertie Bus in a tearing hurry. No need to bother with him, though. Likely, he's on a coach tour or something.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bertie''': ''[to the passengers, after his second attempt to catch up to Edward has failed]'' I'm sorry.
:'''Passengers''': Never mind. After him quickly. Third time lucky, you know. ''[to the driver]'' Do you think we'll catch him at the next station, Driver?
:'''Driver''': There's a good chance. Our road keeps close to the line, and we can climb hills better than Edward. I'll just make sure.
:'''Narrator''': He spoke to the stationmaster. Bertie and the passengers waited impatiently.
:'''Driver''': Yes. We'll do it this time.
:'''Passengers''': Hooray.

===''Saved From Scrap'' [2.4]===
:'''Edward''': I'm going to the scrap yard today.
:'''Thomas''': What, already? You're not that old.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Vicar''': Hello, Edward. You look upset. ''[to the driver]'' What's the matter, Charlie?
:'''Driver''': There's a traction engine in the scrap yard, Vicar. He'll be broken up next week. Jem Cole says he never drove a better engine.
:'''Edward''': Do save him, sir. He saws wood and gives children rides.
:'''Vicar''': We'll see.

===''Old Iron'' [2.5]===
:'''James''': Edward is impossible. He clanks about like a lot of old iron, and he is so slow, he makes us wait.
:'''Narrator''': Thomas and Percy were indignant.
:'''Percy''': &quot;Old iron&quot;? Slow?
:'''Thomas''': Why, Edward could beat you in a race ''any'' day.
:'''James''': Really? I should like to see him do it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Signalman''': ''[to the fireman]'' Two boys were on James' footplate, fiddling with the controls.
:'''Fireman''': Whew.
:'''Signalman''': They tumbled off and ran when James started.
:'''Narrator''': The signalman answered the telephone.
:'''Signalman''': Yes. He's here. Right. I'll tell him. ''[to the fireman again]'' The inspector's coming at once. He wants a shunter's pole and a coil of wire rope.
:'''Fireman''': What for?
:'''Signalman''': Search me. But you'd better get them quickly.

===''Thomas and Trevor (UK) / A New Friend for Thomas (US)'' [2.6]===
:'''Trevor''': I do like to keep busy all the time, and I do like company. Especially children's company.
:'''Edward''': Cheer up. The Fat Controller has work for you at his new harbor. I'm to take you to meet Thomas today.
:'''Trevor''': Oh! The harbor! The seaside! Children! That will be lovely!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Thomas''': Now I understand how useful a traction engine can be.
:'''Narrator''': The coaches were full of children. Trevor gave them rides along the harbor. He liked this best of all.
:'''Annie''': He's very kind.
:'''Clarabel''': He reminds me of Thomas.

===''Percy and the Signal'' [2.7]===
:'''Inspector''': Show a wheel, James. You can't stay here all day.
:'''James''': The Fat Controller told me to stay here. He sent a message this morning.
:'''Inspector''': He did not. How could he? He's away for a week.
:'''James''': Oh. Oh! Where's Percy?
:'''Narrator''': Percy had wisely disappeared.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Percy''': I say, you engines, I'm to take some trucks to Thomas' junction. The Fat Controller chose me especially. He must know I'm a really useful engine.
:'''James''': More likely, he wants you out of the way.
:'''Narrator''': Gordon looked across to James. They were making a plan.
:'''Gordon''': James and I were just speaking about signals at the junction. We can't be too careful about signals, but then, I needn't say that to a really useful engine like you, Percy.
:'''Narrator''': Percy felt flattered.
:'''James''': We had spoken of backing signals. They need extra special care, you know. Would you like me to explain?
:'''Percy''': No, thank you, James. I know all about signals.

===''Duck Takes Charge'' [2.8]===
:'''The Fat Controller''': Hello, Percy. You look tired.
:'''Percy''': Yes, Sir. I am, Sir. I don't know if I'm standing on my dome or on my wheels.
:'''The Fat Controller''': You look the right way up to me. Cheer up. The new engine is bigger than you, and can probably do the work alone. Would you like to help build my new harbor? Thomas and Toby will help.
:'''Percy''': Oh, yes, Sir! Thank you, Sir!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''The Fat Controller''': ''[to the bigger engines, who are whistling impatiently]'' Stop that noise!
:'''Gordon''': They won't let us in!
:'''The Fat Controller''': Duck, explain this behavior.
:'''Duck''': Beg pardon, Sir, but I'm a Great Western Engine. We do our work without fuss. But begging your pardon, Sir, Percy and I would be glad if you would inform these engines that we only take orders from you.
:''[the other engines furiously blow their whistles again]''
:'''The Fat Controller''': '''SILENCE!''' Percy and Duck, I'm pleased with your work today, but not with your behavior tonight. You have caused a disturbance. ''[to the big engines]'' As for you, you've been worse! You ''made'' the disturbance! Duck is quite right. This is my railway, and I give the orders!

===''Percy and Harold (UK) / Percy Proves a Point (US)'' [2.9]===
:'''Percy''': Hello. Who are you?
:'''Harold''': I'm Harold. Who are you?
:'''Percy''': I'm Percy. What whirly great arms you've got!
:'''Harold''': They're nice arms. I can hover like a bird. Don't you wish you could hover?
:'''Percy''': Certainly not. I like my rails, thank you.
:'''Harold''': I think railways are slow. They're not much use, and quite out of date.
:'''Narrator''': He whirled his arms and buzzed away. Percy found Toby at the top station.
:'''Percy''': I say, Toby, that Harold, that stuck-up whirlybird thing, says I'm slow and out of date! Just let him wait! I'll show him!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Fireman''': Listen, boys. Here's a song for Percy. ''[singing]'' Said Harold Helicopter to our Percy, You are slow! / Your railway is out of date and not much use you know! / But Percy with his stone trucks did the trip in record time / And we beat the helicopter on our old branch line!

===''The Runaway'' [2.10]===
:'''Annie and Clarabel''': ''[about Duck]'' Such nice manners. It really is a pleasure to go out with him.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Harold''': ''[after Thomas has finally stopped]'' Think nothing of it. Glad to be of service. Anytime.
:'''Inspector''': Phew! We must never let this happen again, Thomas.
:'''Narrator''': Wearily, Thomas agreed with him.

===''Percy Takes the Plunge'' [2.11]===
:'''Henry''': ''[to the engines beside Percy]'' What are you engines doing here?! This shed is for the Fat Controller's engines. Go away! ''[to himself]'' Silly things.
:''[the engines leave]''
:'''Percy''': They're not silly!
:'''Henry''': They ''are'' silly, and so are you. ''[mocks]'' &quot;Water's nothing to an engine with determination.&quot; Ha!
:'''Percy''': Anyway, I'm not afraid of water. I like it! 
:'''Narrator''': He ran off to the harbor singing.
:'''Percy''': ''[singing]'' Once an engine attached to a train
:was afraid of a few drops of rain.
:'''Henry''': No one ever lets me forget the time I wouldn't come out of the tunnel in case the rain spoiled my paint.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Henry''': ''[about to take Percy to the works]'' Well, well, well. Did you like the water?
:'''Percy''': No!
:'''Henry''': I am surprised. You need more determination, Percy. Water's nothing to an engine with determination, you know. Perhaps you will like it better next time.
:'''Narrator''': Percy is quite determined that there won't be a &quot;next time&quot;.

===''Pop Goes the Diesel'' [2.12]===
:'''Trucks''': ''[groan while Diesel tries pulling them]'' We can't! We won't!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Trucks''': ''[singing at Diesel]'' Trucks are waiting in the yard, tackling them with ease'll
:Show the world what I can do. Gaily boasts the Diesel.
:In and out, he creeps about, like a big black weasel.
:When he pulls the wrong trucks out, '''POP''' goes the Diesel!

===''Dirty Work (UK) / Diesel's Devious Deed (US)'' [2.13]===
:'''Duck''': Shut up! ''[bumps the noisy trucks hard]'' I'm sorry our trucks were rude to you, Diesel.
:'''Narrator''': Diesel was still furious.
:'''Diesel''': It's all your fault. You made them laugh at me.
:'''Henry''': Nonsense. Duck would never do that. We engines have our differences but we never talk about them to the trucks. That would be dis-dis...
:'''Gordon''': Disgraceful!
:'''James''': Disgusting!
:'''Henry''': Despicable!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Duck arrives at Tidmouth Sheds, only to get blockaded by the 3 big engines]''
:'''Gordon, James, and Henry''': ''[let off a lot of steam]'' WHOOSH!
:'''James''': Keep out!
:'''Duck''': Stop fooling! I'm tired!
:'''Gordon, James, and Henry''': So are we. We're tired of ''you''. We like Diesel. We don't like you. You tell tales about us to the trucks.
:'''Duck''': I don't!
:'''Gordon, James, and Henry''': You do!
:'''Duck''': I ''don't!''
:'''Gordon, James, and Henry''': You ''DO!''
:'''Narrator''': The Fat Controller came to stop the noise.
:'''Gordon''': Duck called me a galloping sausage!
:'''James''': Rusty red scrap iron!
:'''Henry''': I'm old square wheels!
:'''The Fat Controller''': Well, Duck?
:'''Narrator''': Duck considered.
:'''Duck''': I only wish, Sir, that I thought of those names myself. If the dome fits...!
:''[the Fat Controller clears his throat]''
:'''Gordon, James, and Henry''': He made trucks laugh at us.
:'''Narrator''': The Fat Director recovered. He'd been trying not to laugh himself.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Did you, Duck?
:'''Duck''': Certainly not, Sir. No steam engine would be as mean as that.

===''A Close Shave (UK) / A Close Shave for Duck (US)'' [2.14]===
:'''Trucks''': Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! We've broken away! We've broken away! Chase him! Bump him! Throw him off the rails!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duck''': ''[after crashing into the barber shop]'' Beg pardon, sir. Excuse my intrusion.
:'''Barber''': No, I won't. You frightened my customers. I'll teach you!
:'''Narrator''': And he lathered Duck's face all over. Poor Duck. Thomas was helping to pull the trucks away when the Fat Controller arrived.
:'''Barber''': I do not like engines popping through my walls!
:'''The Fat Controller''': I appreciate your feeling, but you must know that this engine and his crew have prevented a serious accident. It was a very close shave.
:'''Barber''': Oh. Oh, excuse me!
:'''Narrator''': He filled a basin of water to wash Duck's face.
:'''Barber''': I'm sorry. I didn't know you were being a brave engine.
:'''Duck''': That's all right, sir. I didn't know that, either.
:'''The Fat Controller''': You were very brave, indeed. I'm proud of you!

===''Better Late Than Never'' [2.15]===
:'''Thomas''': Time's time. Why should I keep my passengers waiting while Henry and James dawdle about all day on viaducts?
:'''Henry''': Don't blame me. If we hurried across the viaduct, it might collapse, and then, you'd have no passengers at all. What would you do then?
:'''Thomas''': Run my train on time, for one thing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bertie's radiator is overheating]''
:'''Thomas''': What's the matter? You should be at the station now. You're late.
:'''Bertie''': I feel dreadful. All upset inside! And driver says he can't make me better. Thank goodness you're late, too. Can you take my passengers, please? They'll never get home, otherwise.
:'''Thomas''': Of course.

===''Break Van (UK) / Donald and Douglas (US)'' [2.16]===
:'''Donald''': Ye're a muckle nuisance! It's to leave ye behind I'd be wantin'.
:'''Brake Van''': You can't! I'm essential!
:'''Donald''': Och! Are you? Ye're naethin' but a screechin' an' a noise when all's said an' done. Spite Doggie, wad ye? TAKE THAT!
:''[he rams the van]''
:'''Brake Van''': OW! OOH!
:'''Donald''': There's more comin' should ye misbehave!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Donald has crashed into a signal box]''
:'''The Fat Controller''': I am disappointed, Donald. I didn't expect such um... clumsiness from you. I had decided to send Douglas back and keep you.
:'''Donald''': I'm sorry, Sir.
:'''The Fat Controller''': I should think so, too. You have upset my arrangements. Now, James will have to help with the goods work while you have your tender mended. James won't like that.

===''The Deputation'' [2.17]===
:'''Percy''': Edward says we need... a... a depot station!
:'''Gordon''': Of course! The question is...
:'''Henry''': What is a... desperation?
:'''Percy''': It's when engines tell the Fat Controller something's wrong.
:'''Duck''': Did you say &quot;tell the Fat Controller&quot;?
:'''Narrator''': There was a long silence.
:'''Gordon''': I propose that Percy be our... uh... disputation.
:'''Percy''': I?! I can't!
:'''Henry''': Rubbish, Percy! It's easy.
:'''Gordon''': That's settled, then.
:'''Narrator''': Poor Percy wished it wasn't.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''The Fat Controller''': Hello, Percy. It's nice to be back.
:'''Narrator''': Percy jumped.
:'''Percy''': Uh, uh, yes, Sir! Yes, Sir! Please, Sir!
:'''The Fat Controller''': You look nervous, Percy. What's the matter?
:'''Percy''': Please, Sir, they've made me a &quot;desperation&quot;, Sir, uh, to speak to you, Sir. I don't like it, Sir.
:'''Narrator''': The Fat Controller pondered.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Do you mean a deputation, Percy?
:'''Percy''': Yes, Sir, please, Sir. Uh, it's Donald and Douglas, Sir. They say, Sir, that if you send them away, Sir, well, they'll be turned into scrap, Sir. That would be dreadful, Sir. Uh, please, Sir, don't send them away!
:'''The Fat Controller''': Thank you, Percy. That will do.

===''Thomas Comes to Breakfast'' [2.18]===
:'''Driver''': You know just where to stop, Thomas. You could almost manage it without me.
:'''Narrator''': Thomas had become conceited. He didn't realize his driver was joking.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''The Fat Controller''': ''[firmly]'' You are a very naughty engine.
:'''Thomas''': ''[with guilt]'' I know, Sir. I'm sorry, Sir.
:'''Narrator''': Thomas' voice was muffled behind his bush.
:'''The Fat Controller''': ''[calmly]'' You must go to the works and have your front mended. It will be a long job.
:'''Thomas''': Yes, Sir.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Meanwhile, a diesel rail car will do your work.
:'''Thomas''': A-A-A d-diesel, Sir?
:'''The Fat Controller''': Yes, Thomas. Diesels always stay in their sheds till they are wanted. Diesels never gallivant off to breakfast in stationmasters' houses.

===''Daisy'' [2.19]===
:''[after a milk truck has been coupled to her]''
:'''Daisy''': Do ''they'' expect ''me'' to pull ''that''?
:'''Driver''': Surely. You can pull ''1'' van.
:'''Daisy''': I won't! Percy can do it! He loves messing about with trucks.
:'''Narrator''': She began to shudder violently.
:'''Driver''': Nonsense. Come on, now. Back down!
:'''Narrator''': Daisy lurched backwards, she was so cross that she blew a fuse.
:'''Daisy''': Told you!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Daisy''': ''[having refused to pull the milk truck]'' It's fitter's orders!
:'''Passengers''': What is?
:'''Daisy''': My fitter's a very nice man. He comes every week and examines me carefully. &quot;Daisy&quot;, he says, &quot;Never, never pull. You're highly sprung, and pulling is bad for your swerves&quot;. So that's how it is.
:'''Stationmaster''': Stuff and nonsense!
:'''Shunter''': I can't understand. Whatever made Sir Topham Hatt send us such a feeble...?
:'''Daisy''': Feeble? FEEBLE?! Let me!
:'''Passengers''': Stop arguing! We're late already!

===''Percy's Predicament'' [2.20]===
:'''Toby''': Hello, Percy. I see Daisy's left the milk again.
:'''Percy''': I'll have to make a special journey with it, I suppose. Anyone would think I had nothing to do.
:'''Toby''': Tell you what, I'll take the milk. You take my trucks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Fat Controller''': My engines work hard. I send lazy engines away! 
:'''Narrator''': Daisy was ashamed.
:'''The Fat Controller''': However, Toby says you worked hard after Percy's accident. So, you shall have another chance.
:'''Daisy''': Thank you, Sir! I will work hard, Sir. Toby says he'll help me.
:'''The Fat Controller''': Excellent! What Toby doesn't know about Branch Line problems isn't worth knowing. Our Toby's an experienced engine!

===''The Diseasel'' [2.21]===
:'''Drivers''': ''[examine oil left at the scene of the crime]'' That's diesel.
:'''Bill''': It's a what'll?
:'''Ben''': A diseasel, I think. There's a notice about them in our shed.
:'''Bill''': &quot;Coughs and sneezles spread diseasels.&quot;
:'''Ben''': You had a cough in your smokebox yesterday. It's ''your'' fault that the Diseasel came.
:'''Bill''': It isn't!
:'''Ben''': It is!
:'''Drivers''': Stop arguing, you 2. Let's go and rescue our trucks.
:'''Narrator''': Bill and Ben were horrified!
:'''Bill and Ben''': But the Diseasel will magic us away like the trucks!
:'''Drivers''': He won't magic us. We'll more likely magic ''him''!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''BoCo''': ''[looks up at Bill]'' Do you mind?
:'''Bill''': Yes. I do. I want my trucks, please.
:'''BoCo''': These are mine. Go away!
:'''Narrator''': Bill pretended to be frightened.
:'''Bill''': You're a big bully! You'll be sorry!
:'''Narrator''': He ran back and hid behind the trucks on the other side. Ben now came forward.
:'''Ben''': Truck-stealer!
:'''Narrator''': He ran away too. Bill took his place.

===''Wrong Road'' [2.22]===
:'''Gordon''': It's not fair.
:'''Edward''': What isn't fair?
:'''Gordon''': Letting branch line diesels pull main line trains.
:'''Edward''': Never mind, Gordon. I'm sure BoCo will let you pull his trucks sometimes.
:'''Narrator''': Gordon spluttered.
:'''Gordon''': I won't pull BoCo's dirty trucks! I won't run on branch lines!
:'''Edward''': Why not? It would be a nice change.
:'''Gordon''': The Fat Controller would never approve. Branch lines are vulgar!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bill''': What's that?
:'''Ben''': SHH! It's Gordon.
:'''Bill''': It looks like Gordon, but it can't be. Gordon never comes on the branch lines. He thinks them vulgar.
:'''Narrator''': Gordon pretended he hadn't heard them.
:'''Ben''': If it isn't Gordon, it's just a pile of old iron.
:'''Bill''': Which we'd better take to the scrap yard.
:'''Ben''': No, Bill. This lot's useless for scrap. We'll take it to the harbor and dump it in the sea.
:'''Narrator''': Gordon was alarmed.
:'''Gordon''': I ''am'' Gordon! STOP! STOP!

===''Edward's Exploit'' [2.23]===
:''[Edward struggles to pull his train]''
:'''Henry''': Did you see him straining?
:'''James''': Positively painful.
:'''Gordon''': Just pathetic! He should give up and be preserved before it's too late!
:'''Duck''': Shut up! You're all jealous. Edward's better than any of you!
:'''BoCo''': You're right, Duck. Edward's old but he'll surprise us all.
:'''Edward''': ''[finally puffs out of Knapford]'' I've done it! We're off! I've done it! We're off!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Driver''': We've loosened the couplings, Edward. Now you can pick up your coaches one by one, just as you do with trucks.
:'''Edward''': That'll be much easier. Come on!
:'''Narrator''': The first coach moving helped to start the second and the second helped the third.
:'''Edward''': I've done it! I've done it!
:'''Driver''': Steady, boy. Well done, boy. You've got them, you've got them.
:'''Narrator''': And he listened happily to Edward's steady beat, as he forged slowly but surely ahead. At last, battered, weary, but unbeaten, Edward steamed in the big station.

===''Ghost Train (UK) / Percy's Ghostly Trick (US)'' [2.24]===
:''[in Percy's story, a ghost engine runs across the island]''
:'''Percy''': And every year, on the date of the accident, it runs again as a warning to others, plunging into the gap, shrieking like a lost soul!
:''[cut back to the quarry]''
:'''Thomas''': Percy, what are you talking about?
:'''Percy''': The ghost train. Driver saw it last night.
:'''Thomas and Toby''': Where?
:'''Percy''': He didn't say. Oh, it makes my wheels wobble to think of it!
:'''Thomas''': Ha! You're just a silly little engine. I'm not scared!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Toby''': Percy's had an accident!
:'''Thomas''': Poor engine! Botheration! That means I'll be late!
:'''Toby''': They've cleared the line for you, but there's something worse!
:'''Thomas''': Out with it, Toby! I can't wait all evening!
:'''Toby''': I've just seen something! ''[stutters]'' It looked like Percy's ghost! It said it was coming here to warn us!
:'''Thomas''': Ha! Who cares?! Don't be frightened, Toby. I'll take care of you.
:''[Percy creeps up behind the sheds]''
:'''Percy''': ''[imitates a ghost]'' Peep! Peep! Pip-Pip-Pip-PEEP! Let me in! Let me in!
:'''Toby''': No! No! Not by the smoke on my chimney-chim-chim!
:'''Percy''': I'll chuff, and I'll puff, and I'll break your door in!
:''[the doors slowly open]''

===''Woolly Bear'' [2.25]===
:'''Percy''': ''[whistles as if he were a ghost]'' WHEESH!
:'''Narrator''': Percy gave a ghostly whistle.
:'''Percy''': Don't be frightened, Thomas. It's only me!
:'''Thomas''': Your ugly fizz is enough to frighten everyone. You're like...
:'''Percy''': Ugly, indeed! I'm....
:'''Thomas''': A green caterpillar with red stripes. You crawl like one, too.
:'''Percy''': I don't!
:'''Thomas''': Who's been late every afternoon this week?
:'''Percy''': It's the hay!
:'''Thomas''': I can't help that. Time's time, and the Fat Controller relies on me to keep it. I can't if you crawl in the hay until all hours.
:'''Percy''': Green caterpillar, indeed!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Percy''': ''[arrives at the station, covered in hay]'' Sorry I'm late!
:'''Thomas''': Look what's crawled out of the hay.
:'''Percy''': What's wrong?
:'''Thomas''': Talk about hairy caterpillars. It's worth being late to have seen you.

===''Thomas and the Missing Christmas Tree'' [2.26]===
:'''Thomas''': ''[in snow]'' Help!
:'''Donald''': Hush! I can hear something.
:'''Douglas''': Probably the wind.
:'''Thomas''': Help!
:'''Donald''': No! Listen!
:'''Thomas''': Over here!
:'''Donald''': Och! It's Thomas! Come on! The poor wee engine must be frozen to the frames in there!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Thomas''': ''[last line]'' It's no fun getting stuck in the snow. But it was worth it for this party. Happy Christmas, Percy. Happy Christmas, everyone!

==External links==
*{{imdb title | id=0086815 | title=Thomas the Tank Engine &amp; Friends}}

[[Category:Thomas &amp; Friends]]
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Robert Mueller</title>
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      <contributor>
        <username>PublicDomainFan08</username>
        <id>3222260</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Quotes about Mueller */</comment>
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      <text bytes="13990" sha1="hbg0hb062cpc9m3u4wlcdvmtdd89dm2" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Director Robert S. Mueller- III.jpg|thumb|Robert S. Mueller III]]
[[File:White House meeting on Boston Marathon bombing investigation.jpg|thumb|Mueller at the White House meeting on Boston Marathon bombing investigation]]
'''[[w:Robert Mueller|Robert Swan Mueller III]]''' ([[August 7]], [[1944]] – [[March 20]], [[2026]]) was an [[w:United States|American]] [[w:Attorney at law|attorney]] who served as the sixth [[w:Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation|Director]] of the [[Federal Bureau of Investigation]] from 2001 to 2013. A conservative [[w:Republican Party (United States)|Republican]], he was appointed by President [[George W. Bush]]; President [[Barack Obama]] gave his original ten-year term a two-year extension, making him the longest-serving FBI Director since [[J. Edgar Hoover]]. In May 2017 he was appointed to head the [[w:Mueller special counsel investigation|Special Counsel investigation]] of [[w:Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections|Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections]] and related matters, resulting in the delivery of the [[Mueller Report]] in 2019.

==Quotes ==

* I am convinced that there are only two types of [[companies]]: those that have been hacked and those that will be. And even they are converging into one category: companies that have been hacked and will be hacked again.  
** {{cite web |last1=Mueller |first1=Robert S., III |title=RSA Cyber Security Conference San Francisco, CA |url=https://archives.fbi.gov/archives/news/speeches/combating-threats-in-the-cyber-world-outsmarting-terrorists-hackers-and-spies |website=archives.fbi.gov |accessdate=12 September 2018 |date=March 01, 2012}}

* The order [[w:Mueller special counsel investigation|appointing me special counsel]] authorized us to investigate actions that could obstruct the [[investigation]]. We conducted that investigation and kept the office of the acting Attorney General apprised of the progress of our [[work]]. After that investigation, if we had confidence that [[Donald Trump|the President]] clearly did not commit a [[crime]], we would have said so. We did not, however, make a determination as to whether the President did commit a crime. The introduction to volume two of [[Mueller Report|our report]] [[explains]] that [[decision]].
** [https://www.c-span.org/program/news-conference/special-counsel-robert-mueller-statement-on-russia-investigation/527336?offset=253000000000 &quot;Special Counsel Robert Mueller Statement on Russia Investigation&quot; ''C-SPAN'' (29 May 2019)]

=== CNN Interview (2013) ===
&lt;small&gt;[https://www.cnn.com/2013/08/22/politics/fbi-mueller-interview/index.html August 2013 interview with CNN]&lt;/small&gt;

* After [[September 11 attacks|September 11th]], you had core [[Al-Qaeda|al Qaeda]] in [[Pakistan]] and [[Afghanistan]] with (Osama[[Osama bin Laden|) bin Laden]]. Bin Laden was killed. You have al Qaeda growing in countries like [[Somalia]], but most particularly in [[Yemen]]. And there's still substantial threat out of Yemen. And now you have the countries in the [[Arab Spring]]: [[Tunisia]], [[Libya]], [[Syria]], [[Mali]]; [[Egypt]] most recently, where they're breeding grounds for [[Islamic extremism|radical extremists]] who may not stay there, but may present an attack. And, finally, you have, within the [[United States]], the growth of [[Terrorism in the United States|homegrown, radicalized extremists]] who are radicalized on the [[Internet]] and then get their instructions for developing explosives on the Internet, as well.

* I think there's a good chance we would have prevented at least a part of 9/11. In other words, there were four planes. There were almost 20 — 19 persons involved. I think we would have had a much better chance of identifying those individuals who were contemplating that attack.

* I would query about what do you mean in terms of civil liberties. ... Do we exchange information in ways we did not before? Absolutely. You can say that that is a — to the extent that you exchange information between [[Central Intelligence Agency|CIA]], [[Federal Bureau of Investigation|FBI]], [[National Security Agency|NSA]] and the like — you could characterize that as somehow giving up liberties. But the fact of the matter is, it's understandable and absolutely necessary if you want to protect the security of the United States.

* When we had these [[Africa|African]] bombings of those embassies, we had an intelligence service in there that helped us. We had law enforcement agencies that helped us. We had access. In Libya, you have a government that does not control most of [[Libya]], or a good portion of Libya. And consequently, the ambassador, the State Department, ourselves — were pushing to get in there at the earliest possible moment. And that ended up being a couple of weeks down the road. But that does not mean that we have not very thoroughly investigated that and are continuing to investigate it. And I do believe the persons responsible will be brought to justice.

=== Aaron Harber Interview (2015) ===
&lt;small&gt;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmpz6D1cPCA 2015 interview with Aaron Harber]&lt;/small&gt;
* I think we're certainly vulnerable when it comes to the type of information that is out there. The type of information that is out there and available to those that want to find it and want to damage and harm to us. We're also to a certain extent vulnerable by the fact that we live by the rules passed by [[United States Congress|Congress]]. If I want to get an application before the court to intercept somebody's conversations, I have to show probable cause to believe that person is affiliated with a terrorist group. And if I don't get the probable cause, I can't do it. And we've had instances, Awlaki, a relatively famous individual exporter of the type of terrorism we've seen in the United States, was doing videos for a substantial period of time before the Fort Hood shooting, and it was only after that that we found out he was involved in the operations. Any other country, they may well have been up on his wire beforehand, because there's no responsibility of showing a court that there's probable cause to believe that this individual is involved in terrorist activities.
* You really don't think about it as you go through it; you just try to do the right thing at the right time.
* Being a FBI agent, being a police officer in [[Denver]], Aurora, or any community is a tremendously rewarding job. To a certain extent, it goes up and down. It can be thankless as well. But you're really serving your community if you're serving as a police officer. I prosecuted homicide cases in Washington for almost three years, where I spent much, if not most of my time in the courtrooms along with homicide victims' families and the like, and it tears apart a community, and there's no more valuable function to the safety and security of the community than the police forces.
* The problem with training is it's the last thing on the budget list. It's the first thing to get cut. And it should not be.
* Cyberbullying, I know, it's being handled, generally, on the state side with state legislation. I look at it, frankly, as a father with children, with their ability to use Facebook and the like, knowing that anything you put on [[Facebook]] is going to be there and be there and be there. And who at that age understands the consequences of doing something when you're 16 that may come back to haunt you when you're 25 and you're seeking a job not in the private sector, necessarily, but in the public sector that you really want but some of the things that you've said or done or taken back then preclude you from exploring those options.

=== [[Robert Mueller Testimony before House Intelligence Committee]] (July 24, 2019) ===

* '''[T]he [[w:Special prosecutor|Special Counsel]] regulations effectively gave me the role of {{w|United States Attorney}}. As a result, we structured our investigation around evidence for possible use in prosecution of federal crimes. We did not reach... {{w|counterintelligence}} conclusions. We did, however, set up processes... to identify and pass counterintelligence information... to the FBI.''' Members of our office periodically briefed the FBI about counterintelligence information. In addition, there were agents and analysts from the FBI who were not on our team, but whose job it was to identify counterintelligence information in our files, and to disseminate that information to the FBI. With these reasons, '''questions about what the FBI has done with the counterintelligence information obtained from our investigation should be directed to the FBI.'''
** [https://www.c-span.org/video/?462629-1/robert-mueller-testifies-house-intelligence-committee&amp;start=1147 C-SPAN video, 19:05]

* Second) the [[w:United States Department of Justice|Justice Department]] has asserted privileges concerning investigative information and decisions, ongoing matters within the Justice Department, and deliberations within our office. These are Justice Department privileges that I will respect.&lt;br /&gt;'''The department has released a letter discussing the restrictions on my testimony. I therefore will not be able to answer questions about certain areas... of public interest. For example, I am unable to address questions about the opening of the [[w:Timeline of Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections|FBI's Russia investigation]]''', which occurred months before my appointment, '''or matters related to the... [[w:Trump–Russia dossier|Steele dossier]].''' These matters are the subject of ongoing review by the department. Any questions on these topics should therefore be directed to the FBI, or the Justice Department.
** [https://www.c-span.org/video/?462629-1/robert-mueller-testifies-house-intelligence-committee&amp;start=1260 C-SPAN video, 21:00]

* Finally) ...'''over the course of my career I have seen a number of challenges to our democracy. The Russian government's efforts to interfere in our election is among the most serious'''...
** [https://www.c-span.org/video/?462629-1/robert-mueller-testifies-house-intelligence-committee&amp;start=1358 C-SPAN video, 22:38]

== Quotes about Mueller ==
[[File:Women's March 2018 (24935210867).jpg|thumb|&quot;It's Mueller Time&quot; sign at the Des Moines, Iowa Women's March in 2018.]]
[[File:January 2025 Official Presidential Portrait of Donald J. Trump.jpg|thumb|Robert Mueller just died. Good, I’m glad he’s dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people! ~ [[Donald Trump]]]]

* '''It's Mueller Time.'''
** Anonymously-sourced but popular slogan that has circulated about Mueller since his appointment as Special Counsel for the United States Department of Justice. A play on the popular Miller Brewing Company slogan &quot;It's Miller Time&quot;, originating in the 1970s.

* Mueller Ain't Going Away
** Anonymously-sourced popular slogan that has circulated since Mueller's appointment as Special Counsel for the United States Department of Justice; a parody of Donald Trump's 2016 presidential campaign slogan &quot;Make America Great Again&quot; as both are abbreviated to &quot;MAGA&quot;.

* [[Donald Trump|Trump]]'s cavalier attitude toward the Russian security threat has had a predictable yet devastating consequence. [[Moscow]] has not been deterred from attacking American interests. It has been emboldened. They continue to take advantage of the United States, around the world and on our own soil. Former director of National Intelligence [[Dan Coats]] testified in January 2019 that Russia was still sowing social, racial, and political discord in the United States through influence operations, and several months later, Robert Mueller said the same. &quot;It wasn't a single attempt,&quot; he testified to Congress. &quot;They're doing it as we sit here. And they expect to do it during the next campaign.&quot; This should be a national scandal, a cause for outrage and action against the Russian government. Instead, it's being ignored where it should matter most- in the Oval Office. Reporters asked Trump about Mueller's assessment days later and quizzed him again on whether he'd pressed Putin on the topic. &quot;You don't really believe this,&quot; he shot back. &quot;Do you believe this? Okay, fine. We didn't talk about it.&quot; Then he boarded Marine One.
** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 167

* '''Robert Mueller just died. Good, I’m glad he’s dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people!'''
**[[Donald Trump]] on Truth Social announcing the death of Robert Mueller; [https://www.mediaite.com/media/news/disgusting-and-despicable-critics-aghast-at-trump-celebrating-robert-muellers-death/ ‘Disgusting and Despicable’ Critics Aghast at Trump Celebrating Robert Mueller’s Death] ''Mediaite'' (March 21, 2026)

== See also ==
* [[Mueller Report]]
* [[Robert Mueller Testimony before House Intelligence Committee]]
* [[Robert Mueller Testimony before House Judiciary Committee]]

== External links ==
{{Sister project links|d=y|s=Author:Robert Swan Mueller|c=Robert Mueller|commons=Category:Robert Swan Mueller III |b=no|v=no|voy=no|m=no|mw=no|species=no|wikt=no|d=Q715156}}

* [https://www.c-span.org/person/?robertmueller  Robert S. Mueller III] @CSPAN.org
* [https://charlierose.com/videos/22364 Robert Mueller Interview] 06/02/2009, @Charlie Rose
* {{IMDb name|1694507}}
* [https://www.nytimes.com/topic/person/robert-s-mueller News about Robert S. Mueller III] @''New York Times''

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  <page>
    <title>My Little Pony: The Movie (1986 film)</title>
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        <username>Hhrlan23</username>
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'''''[[w:My Little Pony: The Movie (1986 film)|My Little Pony: The Movie]]''''' is a 1986 American animated musical fantasy film based on the Hasbro toy line, My Little Pony. Theatrically released on June 20, 1986 by De Laurentiis Entertainment Group through 20th Century Fox, the film features the voices of Danny DeVito, Madeline Kahn, Cloris Leachman, Rhea Perlman and Tony Randall.

==Hydia==
* Why can't you be evil like I taught you? Why won't you misbehave the way you should? You never use the guillotine I bought you! You just aren't bad enough for your own good!
* Why can't you be mean, like Aunt Eureka? She fed her victims till they almost burst! Then cooked them with a smidgen of paprika. She always did her best to do her worst!
* We're witches, wizards and warlocks! We're the reason honest people purchase doorlocks! We've turned princes into frogs, peasants into pheasants, soldiers and sailors into swine! We've never been accused of being angels, but as for being devils, we're divine!
* One evil deed, that's all I asked! Oh, you're such a disappointment! I've given you everything a witch could want! Shabby clothes, a rotten place to live, all the foul-tasting food you can eat! And what do I get back? Nothing! Malevia over at Nightmare Heights, her daughter made Easter Sunday come up on a Tuesday! What've you done? Zip! A big fat zero!

==Reeka==
* Draggle dear, I just now had a flash! I still owe you a birthday gift or two! I suffered from a lack of ready cash, but now I'd like to make it up to you! I'll do the dirty work! I'll handle all the dirty work! Each humble job I'll assume! I'll be working overtime, collecting mold and filth and slime... all you have to do is get the phlume!

==Dialogue==
:'''Baby Lickety Split''': Hurry, Spike! Look! This is a great place!
:'''Spike''': A great place for what? My feet are killing me.
:'''Baby Lickety Split''': To fly! Like Wind Whistler and North Star!
:'''Spike''': But they're Pegasus Ponies! You're just an Earthling. You can't fly.
:'''Baby Lickety Split''': Can too. I can do anything. Watch.
:'''Spike''': No! You'll get hurt!
:''[Lickety Split jumps off the cliff with Spike grasping her tail]''
:'''Baby Lickety Split''': We're flying!
:'''Spike''': [as they descend] We're falling!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Draggle''': I thought we didn't need anybody else! Is that another lie?
:'''Reeka''': Put us down, Rainbow, please put us down!
:'''Hydia''': No! Don't put us down! Don't do that!
:''[the Rainbow drops the witches, who fall into the Smooze in the volcano]''
:'''Reeka''': You! You and your smooze!
:'''Draggle''': Oh, it's all your fault... Mama!
:'''Hydia''': This is NOT my fault! And don't call me Mama!
:'''Draggle''': Mama!
:'''Reeka''': Mother!
:'''Draggle''': Mommy!
:'''Reeka''': Ma!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Draggle''': Y'know, maybe we should get a room! Maybe it's time to move out, get a place of our own!
:'''Reeka''': Live with you? I'd rather get the phlume!
:'''Draggle''': Well, that's fine with me!
:'''Reeka''': ''[laughing]'' I love it when the wolf tries to eat Little Red!
:'''Draggle''': Me too! But she always gets away.
:'''Reeka''': Aah, but maybe this time she won't! Turn the page!
:'''Draggle''': You turn it! I turned the last one!
:'''Reeka''': But I'm eating!
:'''Draggle''': Oh, you're always eating!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shady''': Can I go with you? I never get to go anywhere.
:'''Gusty''': Oh no! Shady's nothing but bad luck!
:'''Shady''': Just give me a chance. My luck's bound to change... I think.
:'''Magic Star''': Everyone deserves a chance, Shady. You're in.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Hydia''': Gorgeous! Ponyland is turning dark, dank, and dreary! The little ponies are doomed!
:'''Draggle''': Then we'll be all alone up here.
:'''Hydia''': Splendid! We don't need anybody else!
:'''Reeka''': ''[eating]'' Want some?
:'''Draggle''': What is it?
:'''Reeka''': Stuffed bat wings! Mmm, good!
:'''Draggle''': ''[eating one]'' Are you sure we don't need anyone?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Magic Star''': I heard something that time!
:'''Gusty''': Well, I didn't.
:'''Shady''': Maybe it's going to rain. Maybe we'll get all wet and catch pneumonia!
:'''Gusty''': Oh, I knew you shouldn't have come.
:'''Shady''': No, I like the rain. I love it.
:'''Magic Star''': We'll worry about the rain later.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Draggle''': Well... well... well... when we got the stuff to make the Smooze, we uh, we uh, we forgot the phlume!
:'''Hydia''': You forgot the PHLUME?
:'''Reeka''': It was an honest mistake, Mama!
:'''Hydia''': What... did you... call me?
:'''Reeka''': Sorry, Hydia! I didn't mean to call you Mama!
:'''Hydia''': I'm giving you one last chance, girls! Get the phlume, or GET A ROOM!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shady''': Oh, Gusty, look at you! It's all my fault! I know it!
:'''Gusty''': Yeah, it is! You're bad luck!
:'''Magic Star''': It's not your fault, Shady.
:'''Gusty''': Yes, it is! Yes, it is!
:'''Bushwoolie #1''': It's her fault! I can hardly move!
:'''Bushwoolie #3''': Yeah, her fault!
:'''Magic Star''': No, it's not. You're just grumpy because you've been smoozed.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Hydia''': Now in order to make the Smooze, we'll need a few things... ''[shoves a long list into Reeka and Draggle's faces]'' Go get 'em!
:'''Reeka and Draggle''': ''[reading the list]'' Um, mold, mildew, muck, mire, fungus, slime, rust, and... and... PHLUME!
:'''Hydia''': Yes, phlume!
:'''Draggle''': Not phlume, Hydia, don't make us get phlume! Please don't!
:'''Reeka''': Look at all the other things on the list that says &quot;not phlume!&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[trying to trick eachother into getting the phlume]''
:'''Draggle''': Why, Reeka dear, you look a little pale! I fear you aren't feeling at your best! I hope you haven't come down with a chill... Perhaps you need to take a little rest!
:'''Reeka''': What about all the work we have to do? You're not going to do it all alone, are you?
:'''Draggle''': Why, Reeka darling, what are sisters for? Not to worry, not to worry! I'll do the dirty work! I'll handle all the dirty work! You go relax in your room! I'll collect the muck and mire; I wouldn't want you to perspire; All you have to do is get the phlume!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Spike''': Where'd you learn that?
:'''Baby Lickety Split''': I made it up.
:'''Spike''': Well, you'd better un-make it quick.
:'''Baby Lickety Split''': You didn't like it?
:'''Spike''': Oh, it's great, Lickety Split, but if you do that in the show, you'll mess up everyone else. You're not the star, you know.
:'''Baby Lickety Split''': I can do whatever I want. Besides, maybe someday, I will be a star.
:'''Spike''': I hope so. Just don't do that step, okay?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Reeka and Draggle look down a chasm]''
:'''Reeka''': Ahgg, you in there?
:''[a roar fills the air]
:'''Draggle''': He's in there!
:'''Reeka''': We need your help, Ahgg!
:''[Another roar]''
:'''Draggle''': Please, Ahgg, don't be difficult!
:''[Another roar as two giant legs swipe at the witches]''
:'''Reeka''': [holding out a plate] Nice Ahgg, here! I fixed something special for you!
:''[Ahgg grabs the plate from Reeka. Crunching is heard]''
:'''Draggle''': Ah, he likes it!
:'''Reeka''': Does that mean you'll help?
:''[a giant belch comes from the chasm]''
:'''Draggle''': Is that a yes or a no?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Reeka''': What a day! First the phlume, now Ahgg!
:'''Draggle''': We have to do everything!
:'''Reeka''': This is it, I mean it! I'm through after this! From now on Hydia can do everything herself!
:'''Draggle''': Are you going to tell her?
:'''Reeka''': Don't bother me!

==Cast==
* {{w|Danny DeVito}} as Grundle King
* {{w|Rhea Perlman}} as Reeka
* {{w|Madeline Kahn}} as Draggle
* {{w|Cloris Leachman}} as Hydia
* {{w|Tony Randall}} as Moochick
* {{w|Charlie Adler}} as Spike and Woodland Creature
* {{w|Russi Taylor}} as Morning Glory, Rosedust, Skunk and Bushwoolie
* Tammy Amerson as Megan
* {{w|Jon Bauman}} as The Smooze
* {{w|Michael Bell}} as Grundle
* Sheryl Bernstein as Buttons, Woodland Creature and Bushwoolie
* {{w|Susan Blu}} as Lofty, Grundle and Bushwoolie
* {{w|Nancy Cartwright}} as Gusty and Bushwoolie #4
* {{w|Cathy Cavadini}} as North Star
* {{w|Peter Cullen}} as Grundle and Ahgg
* {{w|Laura Dean}} as Sundance and Bushwoolie #2
* {{w|Ellen Gerstell}} as Magic Star
* Keri Houlihan as Molly
* {{w|Katie Leigh}} as Fizzy and Baby Sundance
* {{w|Scott Menville}} as Danny
* Laurel Page as Sweet Stuff
* Sarah Partridge as Wind Whistler
* {{w|Alice Playten}} as Baby Lickety Split and Bushwoolie #1
* Jill Wayne as Shady and Baby Lofty
* {{w|Frank Welker}} as Bushwoolie #3 and Grundle

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0091584}}

{{Authority control}}

[[Category:1986 animated films]]
[[Category:1986 American animated films]]
[[Category:1980s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:My Little Pony films]]
[[Category:Animated films about dragons]]
[[Category:Films set in a fictional country]]
[[Category:Films about witchcraft]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery</title>
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'''''{{w|Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery}}''''' is a 2013 direct-to-DVD animated comedy mystery film, and the 22nd film in the direct-to-video series of Scooby-Doo films. It is a co-production between Warner Bros. Animation and WWE Studios. The film features Scooby and the gang solving a mystery at WrestleMania. It was released on on March 25, 2014 by Warner Home Video.

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

==Dialogue==
:'''Vince McMahon''': Let's try to remain calm here. We don't want to jump to any crazy conclusions.
:'''Both''': Mr. McMahon!
:'''Shaggy''': Like in the flesh. I can't believe I'm face to face with Vinnie Mac.
:'''Scooby''': The Boss!
:'''Shaggy''': The Higher Power!
:'''Scooby''': The Mac Attack!
:'''Shaggy''': The Mac Daddy!
:'''Scooby''': The Daddy Mac!
:'''McMahon''': Yes. ''[clears throat]'' Thanks for that trip down memory lane.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Um... exactly how many more play by play Scooby Snack attacks do we have to endure before WWE City?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, we brought everything we had. Scooby and I need to keep our energy up so we can cheer like crazy at the main event.
:'''Velma''': There's so many boxes, I can't even see the luggage.
:'''Shaggy''': Luggage?
:'''Both''': You didn't pack the luggage?!
:'''Scooby-Doo''': Uh-oh!
:'''Daphne''': Of all the food induced insane things you two have done, this absolutely takes the cake.
:'''Both''': Mmm... cake!
:'''Daphne''': I mean it!
:'''Shaggy''': Like, what's the big deal? We all wear the same outfits every single day anyway.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Fred, Daphne, Velma and McMahon walk on the flattened ring. Fred approaches the motionless Ghost Bear]''
:'''Fred''': Now let's see who the Ghost Bear ''really'' is.
:''[Fred removes the Ghost Bear mask revealing Cookie. The crowd gasps in surprise]''
:'''John''': Cookie?!
:'''McMahon''': Cookie?!
:'''All''': Cookie?!
:'''Ruben''': Uncle Cookie! Why? WWE is your life.
:'''Velma''': WWE ''was'' his life. But sadly, your Uncle Cookie never got the glory.
:'''Daphne''': And his injury put him out of the spotlight.
:'''Fred''': Permanently.
:'''Daphne''': He started to truly resent WWE because he knew he could never be the champion he always dreamed of being.
:'''Velma''': That resentment grew into hatred over the years, as he trained others to be what he could not.
:'''Fred''': That's when he developed his plan for revenge.
:''[Flashbacks show Cookie in a suit of the Ghost Bear, scenes of Scooby stealing the belt and the chaos from throughout the movie]''
:'''Daphne''': But that wouldn't be enough. He needed a pawn to steal the championship belt.
:'''Velma''': That's when he devised the idea of hacking into a video game and placing post-hypnotic suggestions into it.
:'''Daphne''': That game would become part of a contest, which Cookie set up with fake emails he sent throughout WWE.
:'''Velma''': That's why he used the bear to attack your video game studio. To cover his tracks.
:'''Fred''': The contest assured that only the most skilled pawn would arrive at WWE City to aid in the theft. Cookie then used flashing lights to activate Scooby's post-hypnotic programming.
:'''Daphne''': When Cookie identified the belt in Scooby's bed as the ''championship'' belt, he was lying. He'd already switched them.
:'''Velma''': With Scooby taking the blame, Cookie was free to carry out his ultimate plan.
:'''Fred''': Which was to turn out the lights, and with the help of the bear, create so much panic and injury...
:''[The Ghost Bear runs toward our view. Back in reality]''
:'''Fred''': ...That WrestleMania would be completely ruined and WWE would never recover.
:'''John''': But thanks to Fred here, we got the lights back on pretty quick. Good work!
:''[He hits Fred's back with his hand]''
:'''Fred''': Ah, um, thanks.
:''[Daphne puts her hand on Fred's shoulder]''
:'''McMahon''': And the real championship belt, where is it now?
:'''Velma''': Elementary, Mr. McMahon. Cookie is wearing it.
:''[John opens the Ghost Bear suit's chest and pulls the real championship belt off Cookie]''
:'''John''': Sorry, Cookie. The championship belt isn't for cheaters, it's for champions.
:''[He raises his hand showing the championship belt to the cheering crowd. Richards faces McMahon]''
:'''Richards''': Good call, hiring these kids, sir. I thought they might come in handy.
:'''McMahon''': ''[annoyed]'' Just get Cookie out of here!
:'''Richards''': ''[scared]'' Yes, sir. Will do, sir. You bet.
:''[She motions the officers as if to say, &quot;Take him away, boys.&quot;]''
:'''Velma''': A championship belt was the icing on the cake, Mr. McMahon. Cookie could live off its golden jewels for the rest of his life.
:''[As John gives McMahon the belt, the crowd boos Cookie as he is taken into custody]''
:'''Cookie''': ''[last words, enraged]'' And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids, and your game crazy dog!

==Cast==
* [[Frank Welker]] — [[Scooby-Doo]], [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]]
* [[w:Mindy Cohn|Mindy Cohn]] — [[Velma Dinkley]]
* [[w:Grey Griffin|Grey Griffin]] — [[Daphne Blake]]
* [[w:Matthew Lillard|Matthew Lillard]] — [[Shaggy Rogers]]
* [[Charlie Dutton]] — Cookie
* [[Fred Tatasciore]] — Ghost Bear
* [[Mary McCormack]] — Ms. Richards
* [[John Cena]] — Himself
* [[A.J. Lee]] — Herself
* [[Santino Marella]] — Himself
* [[The Miz]] — Himself
* [[Triple H]] — Himself
* [[Michael Cole]] — Himself
* [[Mr. McMahon]] — Himself
* [[Brodus Clay]] — Himself
* [[Glenn Jacobs]] — Himself
* [[Corey Burton]] — Bayard, WWE Announcer
* [[Bumper Robinson]] — Ruben

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2013 animated films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Animated sports films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Crossover films]]
[[Category:Crossover animated films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race</title>
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      <comment>/* Brazilian Pain Forest [7.06] */</comment>
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----
:'''Seasons:''' [[Total Drama Island|1: ''Island'']] [[Total Drama Action|2: ''Action'']] [[Total Drama World Tour|3: ''World Tour'']] [[Total Drama: Revenge of the Island|4: ''Revenge of the Island'']] [[Total Drama All-Stars and Pahkitew Island|5: ''All-Stars and Pahkitew Island'']] ''[[Total Drama Island (2023)|6: Island (2023)]]''  | [[Total Drama|Main]] | '''Spin-offs:''' ''[[ Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race|The Ridonculous Race]]'' / ''[[ Total DramaRama|DramaRama]]''
----
'''''{{w|Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race}}''''' is a Canadian animated reality television series which lampoons the conventions commonly found in reality television. The series takes place around the world and features pairs of contestants, rather than teams, in the style of the reality series it is parodying.

=Episodes=
===''None Down, Eighteen To Go [7.01-7.02]''===
====''Part 1''====
:'''Don''': ''[first lines]'' This is [[w:Toronto|Toronto]], the capital of North America, birthplace of funk where the Albino panther roams free. 
:'''Albino Panther''': ROAR!
:'''Don''': Beneath my size-13 brogues, 18 teams are arriving at this historic train station ready to embark on a race around the world. I'm your host, Don. And this is ''The Ridonculous Race''!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Not to the death? Okay. Let’s meet the teams that aren’t racing to the death. Carrie and Devin, best friends.
:''[Best Friends' interview]''
:'''Carrie''': I met Devin in the sandbox and we haven't spent a day apart since. If anyone can win this race, it's us.
:'''Devin''': Yeah. I know Carrie so well. It's like we're… ''[noticing his partner's dreamy look]'' Uh, what are you doing?
:'''Carrie''': Oh…uh, link check, for the camera! Whoo-hoo, race!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Emma and Kitty, ''actual'' sisters.
:''[Sisters' interview]''
:'''Emma''': I'm studying international law so, that's gonna give us a real edge. Which is good 'cause, we're here to win.
:'''Kitty''': And to see the world. Meet hot guys, and have some fun.
:'''Emma''': If there's time for that which there won't be so, let's focus on winning, okay? ''[Kitty sighs]'' Good.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': The totally-in-love daters, Stephanie and Ryan.
:''[Daters' interview]''
:'''Ryan''': Stephanie and I met at the gym two months and six days ago, and we've been going steady ever since!
:'''Stephanie''': We're so excited! Neither of us has ever traveled before. There's so much to discover like, what do chocolate protein bars taste like in China?
:'''Ryan''': I was just wondering that!
:'''Stephanie''': No way!
:''[They start kissing and making out]''
:'''Don''': Josee and Jacques, ice dancers.
:''[Ice Dancers' interview]''
:'''Jacques''': We know how to win. We've won gold everywhere!
:'''Josee''': Except…the Olympics. He dropped me so we only got silver.
:'''Jacques''': ''[cries]'' I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! ''[runs off]''
:'''Josee''': Jacques! Silver is his ''least'' favorite color.
:'''Don''': Geoff and Brody, life-long friends and surfer dudes.
:'''Geoff''': ''[chuckles]'' Goin' around the world on someone else's dime. Sweet! ''[to the camera, calling out to Bridgette]'' Hey, Bridgette! Love ya, babe! ''[interview]'' My girl and I did Total Drama, but she's surfing her way around Australia right now. So, boom, entré my bud, Brody!
:'''Brody''': Yeah guy! Bros forever! G and B for the W-I-N!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Lorenzo and Chet, new stepbrothers.
:''[Stepbrothers' interview]''
:'''Lorenzo''': My dad married his mom last year, but we still hate each other. So they're making us do this. Jerks!
:'''Chet''': Don't (you dare) call my mom a jerk, JERK! ''[pushes Lorenzo aside]''
:'''Lorenzo''': Shut your word-hole, JERK! ''[pushes Chet in return but comes back and starts tackling him]''
:'''Don''': Also racing… Tom and Jen. Highly attractive fashion bloggers with impeccable taste. I told you not to let the teams write their own cards.
:''[Fashion Bloggers' interview]''
:'''Jen''': Hey-hey, to all our blog followers out there! Wish us luck!
:'''Tom''': I bet &quot;Jen we could win the race&quot;, but I didn't think she'd ''actually'' take it up on me.
:'''Jen''': I put my mind to something and it happens.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Ellody and Mary, scientific geniuses who say they will use their winnings to support the science community.
:''[Geniuses' interview]''
:'''Ellody''': Astrophysics is underfunded. Reality shows offer monetary prizes. Conundrum solved.
:'''Don''': Leonard and Tammy, dedicated live-action role players… whatever that is.
:''[LARPers' interview]''
:'''Leonard''': ''Pahkitew Island'' was tough. But with Tammy's new spells, huzzah! We'll claim the dragon's eye! That's dwarfish for one million.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Welcome, contestants! This is the starting line for your 26-part race around the world. Each part ends at a Chill Zone. Get there fast, because the last team to stand on the carpet of completion, may be cut from the competition. But the first team to reach our last Chill Zone, will win… $1,000,000!
:''[The contestants all cheer in excitement]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': Hey, who pushed all the buttons?
:'''MacArthur''': Gotta take the stairs.
:'''Sanders''': Or, we could just wait.
:'''MacArthur''': Hustle!
:'''Jen''': ''[shrugs]'' Meh. This'll probably still be faster.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sanders''': Thighs on fire. So…queasy.
:'''MacArthur''': So you're one of those skinny-fat people who can't climb ten flights of stairs without spewing chunks huh? What do you do? Yoga?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': As most of the teams continue to climb or wait… and wait… and wait some more, the Fashion Bloggers are first to reach the observation deck, but the scare might be too much for them.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': ''[enjoying the breezy wind]'' THIS IS SO COOL!
:'''Emma''': Focus! This is life or death.
:'''Kitty''': Come on, look at what we're doing, it's incredible! I feel so alive!
:'''Emma''': Yeah. Make sure they put that quote on your gravestone.
:'''Jen''': Promise me you'll never let go!
:'''Tom''': NEVER! Can you believe people pay to do this?
:'''Laurie''': We're doing this for you, Mother Earth! Don't kill us!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ellody''': Well that was illuminating. ''[interview]'' Based on the splatter, the wind velocity was 45 knots. Twenty more, and we'd be splattered.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Carrie''': Zipline? I always wanted to do that!
:'''Gerry''': Zipline? I never wanted to do that!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': The teams have arrived, and the flights have been booked. Flight #1 will carry Father &amp; Son, Best Friends, Daters, Police Cadets, Ice Dancers, and the Reality TV Pros. Flight #2 carries the Sisters, Vegans, Fashion Bloggers, Mom &amp; Daughter, Rockers, and Geniuses. And flight #3 has the LARPers, Goths, Surfer Dudes, Adversity Twins, Stepbrothers, and Tennis Rivals. Who will win the next jaunt in our race? Tune in next time to find out. ''The Ridonculous Race''…is to be continued!

====''Part 2''====
Twin #1: Sanitizer?
Twin #2: No need. I made a point of not touching anything. Juice?
(Twins Shriek After The Larpers Popped Up.)
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
Stack: ''[on the telephone]'' Your plan won't work, Dr. B! We're not gonna become friends, because Lincoln is a jerk, that's why! Can't you just divorce Mr. And Mrs. Loud?
Lincoln: Hey, is that my mom and dad?
Stack: No. Dr. B!
Lincoln: ''[swipes the telephone out of Stack’s hand]'' DAD, MOM, YOU'VE GOTTA DIVORCE STACK’S DOCTOR!
Stack: (Angrily): QUIET!
:''[Stack The Orange Robot And Lincoln Loud start fighting over the telephone]''
Lincoln: (Angrily): SHUT UP!
Stack: (Angrily): DR. B!
Lincoln: (Angrily): MOM!!! DAD!!! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': [[w:Morocco|Morocco]]. Originally named [[w:Italy|Italy]] until it was discovered there already ''was'' an Italy. Home to scorchingly hot foods, as well as scorchingly hot deserts. Flight number one has just landed. Now the teams need to find the Don box, and collect their next travel tip.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Laurie &amp; Ellody''': Cumin, cinnamon, paprika, saffron, ginger.
:'''Ellody''': That was surprisingly elementary.
:'''Laurie''': I know, right?
:'''Don''': As more teams reach the spice kiosk, flight #3 has finally arrived in Morocco. They'll need to hurry if they hope to catch any of the teams already in search of the culinary.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Vegans' interview]''
:'''Laurie''': Our camel benefit was beautiful. And deserts are really hot. If we win the million, we're a launching a stop riding camels campaign.
:'''Miles''': &quot;Take hikes, not humps.&quot;
:'''Laurie''': Or, we could call it something else.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': I can't take this heat. Someone turn off the sun.
:'''Flain''': Oh man! The heat is so bad!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Miles''': ''[to the LARPers as they pass by; protesting]'' Take hikes, not humps!
:'''Laurie''': Okay, that slogan is really growing on me. ''[interview]'' Miles and I became friends when we (first) met at an anti-meat meeting.
:'''Miles''': When Laurie suggested we just call them &quot;ings&quot; instead of &quot;meetings&quot;, I knew we were gonna get along.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Brody and Mary eat their stew bowls while their partners watch]''
:'''Geoff''': When I first met Brody, he was eating a cat's hairball on a dare. Ha ha. It was pure awesome.
:'''Ellody''': I met Mary at an engineering student's potluck dinner. We both brought pie chart pie. ''[giggles]'' We're quite whimsical.
:'''Geoff''': Ha ha, pies.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Chet is about to retch after seeing Owen eating a camel's drool]''
:'''Lorenzo''': Do ''not'' spit that out, Chet, or we'll lose! ''[interview]'' My dad is a motivational speaker, and has taught me everything there is to know. Swallow! Do it! DO IT!
:'''Chet''': ''[swallows]'' My barf is actually less spicy than the stew.
:''[Crimson, Spud, Emma, and Jay all retch to prevent themselves from vomiting as the LARPers and Vegans arrive]''
:'''Leonard''': We have to eat our own barf?!
:''[A camel pukes on Miles and she ]''
:'''Laurie''': ''[gasps in surprise]'' Real organic camel munch!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Carrie''': NO, i think we're maybe lost. ''[a bird flies in Carrie's hand]'' Aw, (snickers)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lorenzo''': We're done!
:'''Chet''': ''[holding his stomach in pain]'' Oh, I don't feel so good.
:'''Lorenzo''': That’s 'cause you ate puke, puke-eater!
:'''Chet''': You’re a puke-water watcher!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Leonard and Tammy both got eliminated because they stopped to use &quot;magic&quot; to slow down the two remaining pairs but ultimately failed and were the last team to arrive to the Chill Zone]''
:'''Don''': The Ridonculous Race is about skill, it's about determinization. It's not about magic. You're done!
:'''Tammy''': Time reversal spell! ''[throws confetti]''
:'''Don''': Security!

===''French Is An Eiffel Language [7.03]''===
:'''Devin''': ''[reading the tip]'' Aw, sweet! Looks like we're going to Paris!
:'''Carrie''': ''[gasps in surprise; excitedly]'' Oh yeah?
:'''Don''': [[w:Paris|Paris]], [[w:France|France]]. Home of the Mona Lisa, tiny coffee's and other things that annoy me like you wouldn't believe. ''[Cut to him standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower]'' Once in Paris, teams must make their way here, to the [[w:Eiffel Tower|Eiffel Tower]] and find their next tip.  

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Miles''': We walked our camel through the desert yesterday instead of riding him, so that way he can ''stay'' hydrated.
:'''Laurie''': And today, we're ''pedaling'' our moped so we don't use its fuel. ''[gasps in realization]'' I wish there was a way we could give this moped to our camel, right?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Ice Dancers are the first to reach the Eiffel Tower]''
:'''Josee''': Gold medal, whoo! ''[yells in fear as the Police Cadets crash into them from behind]''
:'''MacArthur''': Nailed it! ''[gets a tip from the Don box]'' Huh. It's a Botch or Watch.
:'''Don''': In this Botch or Watch, whoever didn't eat the stew in Morocco must draw a caricature of their partner. When this local French ''artiste'' approves of the drawing, they'll receive their next tip.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': ''[as the local ''artiste'' rejects their caricature]'' What do you mean &quot;no?&quot; She got an &quot;A&quot; in art last semester. ''[the artiste shows him the caricature of him laying down with a six-pack]'' Oh, I see! It's too realistic.
:''[Carrie blushes in embarrassment, not knowing what came over her]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': Emma's always been the serious one, but ever since her boyfriend, Jake, broke up with her two years ago, she's been super-
:'''Emma''': ''[covers her sister's mouth] Fine.'' I've been super fine.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ennui''': This place could be an amusement park or a camp for kids.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': Well, if it isn't the smiling silvertons.
:'''Josee''': ''[kicks the cheese out the way, revealing the next tip, in sign form]'' I hate silver!
:'''Jacques''': ''[reading]'' '''&quot;Take your cheese and sail away to where Mona Lisa's on display.&quot;'''
:'''Sanders''': The Louvre!
:'''Don''': The Louvre-- home to many paintings I was asked to stop touching.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': Bye! You stink worse than this cheese float!
:'''MacArthur''': Too bad you forgot your oars!
:'''Jacques''': Darn it!
:'''Josee''': Jacques, you were supposed to get the oars!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Laurie''': The thought of coming last made us realize that we needed to step up our game.
:'''Miles''': Yeah, we were super charged up.
:'''Gerry''': ''[as the Vegans pedal past him and Pete; surprised]'' How is that possible? We're athletes. They eat bird seeds and dust!
:''[The Vegans are then seen eating bird seeds and dust during their interview]''
:'''Laurie''': Pass the bird seeds.
:'''Miles''': You want some dust on that?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Although it initially seemed like they tied with the Reality TV Pros, the Tennis Rivals got eliminated after Don pointed out that Gerry's foot wasn't fully on the carpet of the Chill Zone]''
:'''Don''': Reality TV Pros, your penalty is up!
:''[The TV Pros and Tennis Rivals jump into the Chill Zone carpet at the same time]''
:'''Gerry''': It's a tie! We all stay!
:'''Don''': Not quite. I'm afraid you're going home.
:'''Pete''': What? Why?!
:'''Don''': Your foot wasn't completely on the carpet, it was just out.

===''Mediterranean Homesick Blues [7.04]''===
:'''Don''': Yesterday's Chill Zone was the Louvre, which is today's starting point. Teams will start in the order they finished, which means Cadets are-- ''[The Ice Dancers walk up instead of the Police Cadets; halts them]'' Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yesterday's winners go first, icecapades.
:'''MacArthur''': Yeah, relax, silver streak!
:'''Sanders''': Wait your turn!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sanders''': ''[takes a tip from the Don box]'' '''&quot;Take the train to Calanque de Maubois on the Mediterranean coast, and search the station for your next travel tip.&quot;''' Let's go!
:'''Don''': ''[voiceover, a map displays the northern part of France with Paris indicated by the Eiffel Tower, a dotted line travels to the southern part of France]'' Teams must take the train south to Calanque de Maubois. Calanque de Maubois skirts the [[w:Mediterranean|Mediterranean]] south of France with sand so fine you WANT it to get in your shorts. The Red Cliffs are just one of the many sites that make this a popular tourist spot. (Cut to the beach; in a speedo) Did I mention that the beaches are awesome? Because they ARE. ''[A crab pulls on his speedo and releases it; yelps in pain]'' 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': Whoo, fun!
:'''Emma''': Stop it. ''[Kitty followers her, cuts to a mime gets carried by a wind while his hat blew off by a going taxi]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lorenzo''': I took the subway, he took a taxi.
:'''Chet''': Can you tell Lorenzo that the time he wasn't with me was the best part of the trip so far?
:'''Lorenzo''': Oh, yeah?! Please tell Chet, that before he was in my life was the ''best'' part of my life so far!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dwayne''': ''[grabs a tip from the Don box]'' It's a Botch or Watch. Whose turn is it?
:'''Junior''': Yours. What's the challenge?
:'''Brody''': ''[reading]'' '''&quot;Who Wants to Swim With…&quot;''' ''[gasps in horror] &lt;big&gt;'''SHARKS?!'''&lt;/big&gt;''
:'''Don''': In this Botch or Watch challenge, whoever didn't draw the caricature in Paris must swim to this part of the Mediterranean, and retrieve a travel tip from the dorsal fin of a great white sh- ''[screams as a shark pops out from the water; shaking his fist]'' Uh… Try that again, and you'll get a taste of this! Huh? Wanna dance with the widow-maker?
:'''Sanders''': '''&quot;Note: Eaten teammates will result in disqualification.&quot;''' Wow, they really thought of everything.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': My grandma used to tell me that if you swim in a shark's mouth, you got to keep on swimming.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Miles''': If we win the money, I'm gonna start a charity dedicated to the preservation of the long misunderstood ocean creatures. ''[pulls the travel tip off the shark's fin; the shark snarls and chases after her as she screams and swims for her life; covered in scratches during her interview]'' I'm ''totally'' scratching sharks off my preservation list.
:''[Laurie gasps in shock over hearing this]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As the Stepbrothers fight over who gets to drive the speedboat]'' 
:'''Lorenzo''': Fine! We'll switch every 12 seconds!
:'''Chet''': One Mississippi, two Mississippi…
:'''Lorenzo''': You're counting too fast!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Geniuses finish writing their calculations on the sand to build a sand sculpture of the Palace of Versailles]''
:'''Ellody''': 373,996 cubic yards, done. Now to build a perfect model with our data. ''[the wave washes over the sand, washing away their calculations]'' OUR DATA!!
:'''Mary''': We'll have to wing it.
:'''Ellody''': I never wing! ''[grips hold on Mary's shoulders; freaking out]'' I DON'T KNOW HOW!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dwayne and Junior arrive at the Chill Zone in Iceland and Don penalizes them for 20 minutes when Dwayne read the travel tip before returning to shore while drowning]''
:'''Dwayne''': ''[takes out his wallet]'' Sure we can work something out here, huh? Hey, you like coupons? 25 cents off the E-Muffins at McDonna's, huh? Ooh, ooh, or free fries with- oh, wait. This one's expired.
:'''Don''': 20-minute penalty.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff and Brody''': Never…say…DIE!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Geniuses got eliminated because spent they too much time planning to build their Palace of Versailles sand sculpture of working on it, to the point that they failed to leave for Iceland by the time the next-furthest team reached the Chill Zone]''
:'''Don''': ''[riding a helicopter, calling to the Geniuses below]'' Ahoy, Geniuses! I'm afraid the other teams have reached the Chill Zone! You are out of the race! I'm in a helicopter! This is so cool! ''[flies off]''
:'''Ellody''': How ironic. Our strength in urban planning was also our downfall.
:'''Mary''': That just proves how flawed this show is. But, we played our part.
:'''Ellody''': I suppose geniuses aren't always as smart as they think.
:''[The Geniuses laugh hysterically while leaving the beach]''
:'''Mary''': You told a joke?
:'''Ellody''': I did.
:'''Mary''': Wonderful.

===''Bjorken Telephone [7.05]''===
:'''Don''': The geysers of [[w:Iceland|Geysirskil]] are part of an active volcano field tucked under a skimpy 20 centimeter layer of selicious center. Whatever that is. Sounds dangerous though. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sanders''': There's the Don box! ''[gets a tip]'' It's an All-In. '''&quot;Broken Icelandic Telephone?&quot;'''
:'''Don''': For this All-In, teams need to hold down the button on this speaker box to hear me say, &quot;Please give me my next travel tip.&quot; in Icelandic, with perfect pronunciation. ''[presses the button; through speaker, in Icelandic language] Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending.'' Then they must run across the geothermal field of hot springs, and repeat the sentence to this Icelandic local. ''[gestures to the swan lady and exclaims in disgust by her dress]'' Sweet sister of ducks, what are you wearing? Say the sentence right, you get the next tip. Say it wrong, and you have to go ''all'' the way back to hear the sentence again.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': ''[in Icelandic] Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending. [the swan lady gives the Ice Dancers their next tip]'' '''&quot;Take the helicopter to Skaftafell National Park, and find the next Don box.&quot;'''
:''[The Ice Dancers board the helicopter while they wait]''
:'''Don''': The Ice Dancers have the lead, but now they'll have to wait. The helicopter will only depart once six teams are aboard.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': ''[shivering while freezing]'' This reminds me of, um, last winter when Shelley locked me out of the car for buying her the wrong kind of tea.
:'''Carrie''': ''[interview]'' He got frost bite and nearly lost three toes over a tea? He deserves better than that. A rabid goat deserves better than that.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jay''': ''[interview]'' Salt water helps Mickey's eczema. Sometimes it gets so bad, his knees look like armadillos.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crimson''': ''[interview after saying the Icelandic sentence correctly]'' Most of our favourite bands are from Iceland, so, yeah, we speak a language.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Stepbrothers fight each other after saying the Icelandic sentence wrong]''
:'''Chet''': ''[scoffs]'' I had the first half of the sentence! ''[shoves Lorenzo] You'' were supposed to remember the second half!
:'''Lorenzo''': ''[shoves Chet in return]'' Other way around, butt stain!
:''[The swan lady shoves them both in annoyance; Stepbrothers' interview]''
:'''Chet''': That girl is so into me.
:'''Lorenzo''': You wish. She's into me, jerky.
:'''Chet''': As if! You're dreaming!
:'''Lorenzo''': You're the one who needs to wake up!
Chet And Lorenzo: (Growling)
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ryan''': I memorized the first half, Stephanie took the second half.
:'''Stephanie''': We share everything… except french fries. If he ever touches my fries… 
Owen: KA-BLAM! (Daters Scream)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emma''': ''Vinsamlegast… gefðu…'' Uhh…
:'''Kitty''': ''[finishing up] …mér mina travel ábending.''
:'''Emma''': ''[annoyed]'' You interrupted me and almost ruined our chances.
:'''Kitty''': But I got it right.
:'''Emma''': Yeah, this time you did. Lucky us. Next time you try to help, ''don't'' help.
:'''Kitty''': Okay.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': As most of the teams struggle to finish the geyser challenge alive, the top six have reached the ice caves in Skaftafell National Park where their next challenge awaits.
:'''Jacques''': ''[gets a tip from the Don box]'' It's an Either/Or. '''&quot;Feast or Fossil?&quot;'''
:'''Don''': An Either/Or challenge requires teams to complete one of two tasks. In this case, teams can either dine on a traditional Icelandic feast, or they can find and retrieve one of the intact fossils embedded in the icy walls of this ice cave. Once their chosen task is complete, teams must bring their intact fossil, or empty platter, to the Chill Zone. The last team to arrive ''may'' be out of the race.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Junior''': ''Vinsamlegast gefðu mer…''
:'''Dwayne''': ''…mina travel asdenting. [the swan lady annoyingly slaps him in the face]''
:''[Father &amp; Son's interview; Dwayne is pressing an ice pack on his cheek]''
:'''Junior''': ''[surprised]'' Whoa, what did you say?
:'''Dwayne''': I have no idea. None.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kelly''': ''[in Icelandic] Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending.''
:'''Taylor''': Wow, way to not ruin everything for a change. ''[Kelly takes the tip and runs off to the helicopter, ignoring her]'' Oh, my gosh, Mom, don't sulk. It was a compliment, hello?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': ''[stuffs a feast piece in Brody's mouth during the Either/Or challenge]'' We got this. ''[interview]'' Feels weird to feed Brody like he's a little niblet, but it's a team challenge. The guy is a human trash can. He'll eat anything.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ennui''': I'm so excited. 1st place. Wow. I could pee myself.
:'''Crimson''': ''[briefly looks down]'' You just did.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After Taylor made Kelly go back through the geyser field by herself and repeat the Icelandic sentence, Don penalizes them for one hour when they reach the Chill Zone]''
:'''Don''': You're 7th! But you've earned a one-hour penalty. Please step aside.
:'''Taylor''': Wait, what?
:'''Don''': After getting the Icelandic sentence wrong, you were ''both'' supposed to go back through the geyser field, but only Kelly did.
:'''Taylor''': ''[groans in frustration]'' Way to go, Mom! I sat around waiting for you so long my butt fell asleep, and now we get a penalty? ''You'' ruined my life.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Father &amp; Son, you are the 8th team to arrive.
:'''Dwayne and Junior''': Woo-hoo!
:'''Laurie''': Wait, that's our fossil!
:'''Junior''': I ''knew'' something was wrong.
:'''Dwayne''': ''[sighs and pushes the fossil]'' Fine. Here you go.
:'''Don''': No sharesies. ''[to the Vegans]'' You'll have to try again.
:'''Laurie''': But…
:'''Don''': Don't care.
:'''Laurie''': But…
:'''Don''': Don't care.
:'''Laurie''': But…
:'''Don''': ''[walks off]'' Don't care.
:'''Laurie''': ''[to Dwayne; threateningly enraged]: YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING OR I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS! ''[interview]'' I don't normally allow myself to experience negative emotions, but I'm sure my brain turns orange right now!
:'''Dwayne''': ''[interview]'' Not the first time I've never been cursed. Luckily, I don't believe it, so I think we're all good.
:'''Miles''': We'll never be able to reiki another fossil in time.
:'''Laurie''': Then we'll have to… ''eat the feast.''
:'''Miles''': (disgusted): WHAT?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[interview]'' Eating that stuff was like, the hardest thing ever. Other than like maths, or getting my driver's license.
:''[Vegans' interview]''
:'''Laurie''': I can't believe I just did that. There are animals inside me right now. And I'm pretty sure they don't want us to come in last.
:'''Miles''': Mine wants out right now. ''[She And Laurie farts and miles falls off her seat while burping]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Well, my little meat-eating vegans. You are the last team to arrive.
:'''Laurie''': ''[interview; sobs]'' So many animals. I just ate so many animals!
:''[Miles takes out a bucket to puke in]''
:'''Don''': But this is a non-elimination round! You get to stay!
:'''Laurie''': ''[gasps in shock; outraged]: I ate animals for '''''NOTHING?!''''' ''[starts attacking Don angrily]

===''Brazilian Pain Forest [7.06]''===
:'''Don''': Here in Iceland, yesterday's Chill Zone is today's starting line. And yesterday's winners, the Goths are first to get a travel tip.
:'''Ennui''': ''[getting a tip]'' Huh. (We're flying to) [[w:Brazil|Brazil]].
:'''Don''': Sunny, sunny [[w:Brazil|Brazil]]! Home to bossa nova music, makers of fine coffee, and other things that keep me awake at night. Teams will travel here on these chartered planes. The first eight teams take a direct flight, the last seven will arrive two hours later, 'cause they're on the milk run. ''[Animals sounds are heard from the second plane]'' Literally.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': In a stunning reversal, yesterday's winners now look like losers, as plane #2 is in the air, on its way to Brazil.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Laurie''': ''[in turmoil from the previous challenge]'' I ate the sheep's head so we could stay in the game! But the non-elimination meant I didn't have to. ''[breaking down]'' I DIDN'T HAVE TO!
:'''Miles''': ''[slaps her in the face, snapping her out of it]'' Okay, you need to calm down. What happens in Iceland, ''stays'' in Iceland, okay?
:'''Laurie''': ''[sighs as her breath scent almost made Miles retch]'' What? What?!
:'''Miles''': I'm sorry, it's just that… your breath smells like sheep head. ''[sniffs]'' Does anyone have a mint?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': ''[reading the tip]'' It's a Botch or Watch.
:'''Don''': In this Botch or Watch, whoever didn't swim with sharks in the Mediterranean must try and perform a Brazilian write of passage, and stick their hand inside this mitt full of venomous bullet ants to retrieve their next travel tip. ''[throws a chicken piece in the mitt]'' This is insane!
:'''Kitty''': Bullet ants?
:'''Emma''': Little known fact: the pain caused by their venom can last 24 hours.
:'''Kitty''': ''[disappointed]'' Oh, great.
:'''Mickey''': I've been bitten by venomous creatures so often, I've developed an immunity! Last year on a school trip to Seaville, a box jellyfish sat on my head like a hat! ''[He and Jay try to high five but they miss]'' We don't high five much, it's pretty new to us. ''[Jay accidentally smacks him and he bumps into Laurie, causing her face to fall into the mitt and get bitten by the ants]'' I am so sorry!
:'''Laurie''': ''[slurred voice]'' No, no. I-I deserve that. ''[the other teams react in horror at her swollen face]'' What? What's wrong?
:'''Miles''': Um, nothing. ''[takes the tip off Laurie's head]'' Okay. '''&quot;Feeling divine? Then swing your butts to the coconuts.&quot;'''
:'''Don''': ''[swinging across the gorge on a vine, yelling like Tarzan]'' Teams must cross this gorge by any means necessary, and then search for their next tip, hidden in these piles of coconuts.
:'''Laurie''': Sounds good to me. Let's go!
:'''Miles''': Uh, okay, this way!
:'''Lorenzo''': Called it! ''[sticks his hand in the mitt and screams as he gets bitten]''
:'''Chet''': It's my turn to botch! ''[sticks his hand in the mitt and screams as he gets bitten while getting the tip]''
:'''MacArthur''': ''[pushes Mickey out of the way]'' Hey, bullet ants, welcome to the gun show! ''[sticks her hand in the mitt and screams in pain as she gets bitten]'' Aah, they're on my person, they're on my person! ''[runs off with Sanders]''
:''[Mickey walks up to the mitt to stick his hand in and Taylor bolts up in front of him, and groans deadly at him]''
:'''Kitty''': Pst. He was here first. It's his turn.
:'''Taylor''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Fine, but I'm next.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Taylor''': ''[blows the tip off the mitt]'' Doctors say my lung capacity is like so huge they can ever measure with my lung growers or whatever.
:'''Kelly''': When she was 5, she held her breath for seven minutes until we brought her the very expensive Malibu Bonnie doll house she wanted.
:'''Taylor''': It was totally ratchet, I played with it once, and threw it out.
:''[The Vegans swing across the gorge on a vine…]'' 
:'''Laurie''': ''[screams]'' Ah, the wind hurts my face! ''[they slam into the other side of the gorge]'' Now the cliff hurts my face!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rock''': C'mon, guy! You gotta get the tip! ''[Spud sticks his hand in the mitt to get the tip and gets bitten and swollen by the ants, but doesn't scream in pain; Rockers' interview]'' Spud's got a delayed reaction to everything, including pain. So I don't expect him to feel those hundreds of excruciating bites, for like, two hours. Then he'll be all like, &quot;Yow!&quot; and then like, &quot;Oooh!&quot; and then like, &quot;YOW!&quot;
:'''Spud''': Uh, what are you talking about?
:''[Plane #1 carrying the eight teams finally arrives in Brazil]''
:'''Josee''': ''[takes a tip from the Don box]'' Botch or Watch. You're up, Jacques. Get the tip!
:'''Jacques''': ''[sticks his hand in the mitt, and screams in pain as the ants bite him]'' It stings like missing gold in Vancouver if I have a point! ''[interview]'' Arriving late to Brazil means we had to up our performance.
:'''Josee''': Like the way I did in the Olympic Trials.
:'''Jacques''': ''[agreeing]'' Yes, like the way ''we'' did that.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': In this All-In challenge, one team member has to make a headpiece, the other a tail, worthy of walking the parade during Carnival. When this local approves of their handy work, they'll get their next tip.
:'''MacArthur''': Piece of cake. ''[interview]'' I know how to make costumes. I went trick-or-treating as a beat cop for 10 years straight.
:'''Sanders''': Seriously? Every year?
:'''MacArthur''': Well, one time I mixed it up and went as a parole officer, so, yeah.
:'''Don''': The lady cops take the lead, and back at the bullet ants, teams from plane #1 are still botching-or-watching.
:'''Geoff''': ''[after getting both his hands bitten by the ants]'' I pump iron. So, once righty started swelling, I just had to switch to the left. Symmetry is what bodybuilding's all about.
:'''Brody''': Dude, your mitts are ''ripped!''
:'''Kelly''': ''[to her daughter while grabbing onto a vine]'' Hop on, and hold on! '''''DO IT!'''''
:'''Taylor''': Mom, stop. You know screaming makes your neck waddle.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ennui''': ''[getting a tip from the ant mitt and his hand bitten]'' Ow.
:'''Crimson''': Don't be so dramatic.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Miles''': Here's the headpiece. I'll start the tail. ''[interview]'' I'm gonna use some of my winnings to starts a support group called, &quot;the Closet Vegan Society.&quot; For vegans like Laurie who've lost their way.
:'''Laurie''': ''[facing away]'' Hey, I didn't want to eat the meat. I thought I had to.
:'''Miles''': Did you have to lick the plate?
:'''Laurie''': ''[losing her temper]'' I thought what happens in Iceland, ''STAYS'' in Iceland!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': ''[scolding Ryan while they climb up the cliff after falling into the gorge]'' I said, &quot;Let's use a vine, that tree's about to crack!&quot; But did you listen? ''No!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Owen''': ''[after swallowing a coconut in whole]'' It's okay! I got it down.
:'''Noah''': Great. Let's wait eight hours and see if there was a tip in ''that'' one. ''[pokes Owen in the stomach with a stick]''
:'''Owen''': Ow. You got me right in the coconut.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': ''[as the local rejects their second costume]'' It's called being creative!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques''': Tell me again what happened?
:'''Josee''': I told you, a monkey jumped down from a tree, picked up a coconut and threw it at you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goths' interview]''
:'''Crimson''': ''[in her all-pitched-black Carnival costume]'' Bright colors are for people who are trying to make up for the fact that they lead sad, monotonous lives.
:'''Ennui''': Yeah.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Miles''': I had to take control of the team if we had any chance of finishing the challenge today. Laurie could hardly see because those mean ants turned her face into raw meat.
:'''Laurie''': Mmm…
:'''Miles''': Uh, I'm sorry, what was that a yummy sound?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Vegans are the first to reach the Chill Zone]''
:'''Laurie''': Yes! Yes! From last place to first in one day!
:'''Miles''': We deserve it.
:'''Don''': No, you deserve a 30-minute penalty, which you're getting.
:'''Miles''': Why?! We won fair and square!
:'''Don''': Each one of you were supposed to make a component of the costume, but Miles made ''both'' of yours. 
:''[Laurie groans in dismay and Miles mopes in disappointment and they step aside as the Ice Dancers leap onto the carpet]''
:'''Don''': Ice Dancers, you're in 1st place!
:'''Josee''': ''[blows a kiss]'' Yes! In your face, Veg- ''[she and Jacques scream frightfully at Laurie's swollen face]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Due to Laurie's injuries from the bullet ants, Miles made both elements of the costume which broke the instructions of the challenge; The Vegans then got eliminated while facing a 30-minute penalty and by the time it has ended, every other team had surpassed them]''
:'''Don''': ''[to the Vegans]'' Well, tofu break, ladies. You've been cut from the race. Maybe you can get a job at a tempeh agency. Soy long.
:'''Miles''': All our plans for the money. ''[she and Laurie walk away, sadly]''
:'''Don''': Now that the last truly unselfish players have been eliminated, things are gonna get ugly. Next time on ''The Ridonculous Race.''
:'''Miles''': That millions dollars would've helped so many causes.
:'''Laurie''': I know. And I ate meat. ''[weeps]''
:'''Miles''': Your heart was in the right place. Not the one you ate. I mean, '''''your''''' heart, the one inside you. Well, I guess they're both inside you, but I mean the--
:'''Laurie''': Please, stop talking.

===''A Tisket, A Casket, I'm Gonna Blow A Gasket [7.07]''===
:'''Jacques''': ''[getting a tip from the Don box; reading]'' '''&quot;Make your way to Dracula's castle in [[w:Transylvania|Transylvania]]?&quot;'''
:'''Don''': ''[wearing vampire fangs; slurred]'' Transylvania! Transylvania! ''[spits out the teeth]'' [[w:Transylvania|Transylvania]]. Home of majestic mountains, old Saxon architecture, and the birthplace of the heebie-jeebies. Teams must travel here, to this castle, to receive their next tip. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crimson''': Why do I have this strange feeling?
:'''Ennui''': I fear it might be… happiness.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Ryan has voiced some concerns about how &quot;competitive&quot; I've been getting, but we reached an understanding.
:'''Ryan''': ''[clears throat]'' I need to try harder so that Stephanie doesn't feel the need to be constant and lone motivator.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[blows a kiss, hugging him]'' We are ''so'' going to win this.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crimson''': Okay, Dracula was the first goth ever. He was our king. To be here is… I just… I can't. I'm so…
:'''Ennui''': Hey, that was close. You almost got color in your face.
:''[A wolf howls out of nowhere off-screen]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Carrie''': ''[to the Fashion Bloggers]'' So, you do a fashion blog? That is so cool! Which one of you guys started it?
:'''Tom &amp; Jen''': ''[in unison]'' I did.
:'''Tom''': No, I did.
:'''Jen''': I did.
:'''Tom &amp; Jen''': ''[in unison]'' I did. I did!
:''[Fashion Bloggers' interview]''
:'''Jen''': Okay. You typed it up, but it was my idea, so I was the creator and you were more like… a secretary.
:'''Tom''': I'm sorry. What?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ennui''': ''[holding a portrait]'' Doesn't Vlad look striking?
:'''Crimson''': I see the similarities.
:'''Ennui''': Stop. You'll make me blush.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Tom''': I hope there's enough room for your giant head and all your great ideas in there.
:'''Jen''': ''[annoyingly gets in the coffin]'' It'll be nice to have ''you'' carry me for a change.
:'''Tom''': The only change is that this time, you're in a coffin. ''[pushes down the coffin]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Ice Dancers reach the Gymnastic Training Center and get a tip from the Don box]''
:'''Jacques''': It's a Botch or Watch. Ah! Gymnastics!
:'''Don''': Gymnastics. Nastics that take place in a gym. Whoever didn't face the bullet ants in Brazil, must perform two gymnastic feats.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Don penalizes the Goths for ten minutes due to Crimson forcing Ennui to switch places during the coffin challenge]''
:'''Don''': You're in 6th place. Or ''would'' be in 6th place if you hadn't broken the rules with the coffin. 10-minute penalty!
:'''Crimson''': Totally worth it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After finally completed the Botch or Watch, the Transylvanian Goths got eliminated because they were after 13 remaining teams]''
:'''Don''': I'm sorry, you're out.
Crimson: Oh!
:'''Don''': But these are very in. ''[camera zooms out, revealing him wearing a fez hat]''
Ennui: I wouldn't call this a failure in anyway. We so kicked butt.
Crimson: We nearly died so many times on that skywalk, on that geyser field, oh, and on that vine, but we totally did it.
Ennui: Not Good.
Crimson: Doing this race is a huge test to see of how strong your friendship is, and I think we did great.
Ennui: Greater than great.
Crimson: There sure are a lot of… bats, all of a sudden.

===''Hawaiian Honeyruin [7.08]''===
:'''Josee''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;Take a donkey cart to Bucharest and fly to… ''[[w:Hawaii|Hawaii]]!''&quot;'''
:'''Don''': [[w:Hawaii|Hawaii]]! Home of beautiful sunshine, ukeleles, and shirts that should only be worn ironically. Once teams land, they'll need to find this Don box. ''[notices it in Hawaiian-themed; unamused]'' Ha-ha-ha, very funny. Was that you, wardrobe?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chet''': Ugh! This donkey reeks.
:'''Lorenzo''': He said the same thing about you.
:'''Chet''': Pfft, a talking donkey? Yeah, 'cause that's possible.
:'''Lorenzo''': It must be possible. 'Cause you're talking right now. Booyah! Call me when you got a comeback.
:'''Chet''': Lorenzo is a poo-head!
:'''Lorenzo''': Oh yeah? Chet's a tool!
:'''Junior''': How old are those two?
:'''Dwayne''': Ah, never mind them. Some people just don't appreciate quality family time, eh, right, sporto?
:'''Junior''': Uh, yeah, mm, sure, dad.
:'''Taylor''': You're ''so'' lucky you got to bring your dad.
:'''Dwayne''': Oh, I'm the lucky one. I bet doing this trip with your mom is pretty awesome too though, right?
:'''Taylor''': Not really.
:'''Kelly''': Taylor's more of a… daddy's girl.
:'''Taylor''': Daddy and I have loads in common. Like, we both love being successful, and we both hate avocado.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emma''': While trying to encourage Kitty to drive into the bay, I brought up the pool to our grandmother's condominium.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ennui''': Leaving Romania is tough. But leaving Romania to go to a tropical paradise full of sunshine and happiness? ''[he and Crimson both sigh in dismay]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': OPEN YOUR EYES! Our donkey is going way slower than the other ones, it wants us to lose! ''[interview]'' I'm not too competitive.
:'''Ryan''': ''[clears throat]'' Yes, you are.
:'''Stephanie''': Are you okay, sugar-plum? I just wanna win, and this ''is'' a competition. So, yeah, ''[gets up]'' when things get tense, we can't hold back! ''[walks closer to the camera, inch-by-inch]'' We gotta dig deep, work hard, give it everything!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kitty''': ''[getting a tip from the Don box]'' It's a Botch or Watch. '''&quot;Whoever didn't do gymnastics in Romania has to go diving for wedding rings?&quot;'''
:'''Don''': In this challenge, botchers must dive into Hawaii's most popular wedding bay and retrieve one of the rings from the bottom.
:'''Owen''': ''[reading]'' '''&quot;Then swim to the beach at the tip of the bay to meet your partner.&quot;'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Josee''': ''[screeching to a stop, realizing something]'' Something doesn't feel right. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no! Bun-bun! Where's Bun-bun?!
:'''Jacques''': It's okay. We don't need a rabbit's foot. Like you said about my underpants, it's just a silly superstition.
:'''Josee''': Okay, take off your lucky ditch, then. ''[Jacques runs off]'' That's what I thought!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': Geoff, Brody, congratulations. You're today's winners!
:'''Geoff''': Awesome!
:'''Brody''': Yes!
:'''Geoff''': I love you, man!
:'''Brody''': I'd marry you all over again.
:'''Don''': I love weddings.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': Carrie, Devin, congrats, you're in 2nd place! Jacques, Josee, you've come in… 3rd.
:'''Josee''': No, not again! Bronze, it's the worst medal. The road of shame is paved with bronze.
:'''Ennui''': ''[as Crimson makes her Hawaiian grass skirt all dark black]'' She only wears black. Even if it's grass, it ''must'' be dark grass.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': ''[to the Goths when they reach the Chill Zone]'' 10th... ''[then to the Rockers]'' 11th... ''[to Mom and Daughter]'' 12th place.
:'''Kelly''': Well, honey. It wasn't pretty, but--
:'''Taylor''': You need to step your game up, mother! For serious!
:'''Kelly''': We're a team, Taylor.
:'''Taylor''': I know you aren't used to winning, like me. But maybe you need to follow my example more, because--
:'''Kelly''': ''[snapping annoyingly]'' You've ''never'' won anything in your life, Taylor! Never! Not one race, not one medal, ''NOTHING!''
:'''Taylor''': Wait, what?! My room is ''full'' of trophies and medals!
:'''Kelly''': Because your dad ''bought'' a trophy store! What kind of trophies come in the mail? And guess who paid your coaches to lie? Yep, daddy.
:'''Taylor''': Beauty pageants. I won beauty pageants! You can't fake those!
:'''Kelly''': ''[chuckles smugly]'' Oh, honey. When you have enough cash, you can fake anything.
:''[Taylor gasps in horror]''
:'''Don''': The coals were hot, but that was cold.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After finally completing the challenge, the Daters now become Haters as they're the last team to show up at the Chill Zone, though Don pointed out that it's a non-elimination round]''
:'''Don''': Ryan, Stephanie, I'm sorry. You are the last to arrive.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[devastated] NOOOOOOOO!!!''
:'''Ryan''': We're eliminated? ''[sets Stephanie down]'' Great. 'Cause Steph, you're eliminated from ''this. [flexes]''
:'''Stephanie''': '''''You're''''' breaking up with ''me?'' On national television?
:'''Don''': International, actually.

===''Hello and Dubai [7.09]''===
:'''Don''': Or as it's more commonly known… [[w:Dubai|Dubai]]! An oasis of luxury, man-made islands, and a mall so big, even teenagers get lost. Once here, teams must bus to [[w:Burj Al Arab|Burj Al Arab]], the world's only 7-star hotel, to find the next Don box. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Seriously? You're giving ''me'' the silent treatment? Oh, ho, ho, two can play that game. I'm the Queen of Silent Treatment. I've got a whole bag of quiet to drop on you.
:'''Ryan''': Pfft, I look forward to it.
:'''Stephanie''': You just wait, mister.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques''': One time, I was late picking up Josee from practice, her mom attacked me with a lamp.
:'''Josee''': I don't miss that lamp.
:'''Jacques''': Or her mom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dwayne''': One time Junior made pancakes for Mother’s Day and I said they’re overdone, he almost cried.
:'''Kelly''': I had the exact same thing happened with Taylor. Except I was the one making pancakes for her, and she threw them at me, and the pan. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mickey''': H-h-how much longer is this flight?!
:'''Taylor''': We're still on the ground, you babies!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': Forged from lava, this stone embodies my fiery determination to win! ''(laughs evilly)''
:'''Jacques''': You mean ''&quot;our&quot;'' determination to win?
:'''Josee''': Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sure.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emma''': ''[gets a tip from the Don box, reading]'' '''&quot;Find the Chill Zone in the Gold Souk.&quot;''' The what?!
:'''Don''': The Gold Souk. Just a normal plaza where everything is made of gold. To reach the Chill Zone inside this shop, teams must travel here in taxis… some of which are gold, literally. ''[a man passes by, eating a golden ice cream]'' They really like their gold here!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kelly''': ''[tired out]'' There. All done.
:'''Taylor''': Took long enough. ''[looks down and notices some bird poop on her boot; disgusted]'' EW! There's bird poop on my boot! Ugh. ''[wipes it off on her mother's sleeve]'' There. Totes better.
:'''Kelly''': ''[gasps in shock; sharped with anger]'' Do ''not'' treat me like a doormat!
:'''Taylor''': You were all sweaty and gross, anyway. Why should we both suffer? ''[Kelly pushes a lever, hoisting her up in midair, giving her a time-out; screams]'' Don't just stand there like an old mannequin, help me!
:'''Kelly''': No. I'm giving you a time-out.
:'''Taylor''': You can't do that, I'm your daughter.
:'''Kelly''': Well, that's how it works. I won't help until you apologize.
:'''Taylor''': You're in for a ''long'' wait.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': ''[as the Ice Dancers approach the Chill Zone]'' Welcome to the Chill Zone. You've come in 3rd, again. ''[Jacques and Josee gasp in shock]'' Kidding! The twins got here way before you.
:'''Jay''': Me and Mickey took one of the non-gold cabs. They're a lot faster.
:'''Jacques''': You mean we're… '''''4TH?!''''' We didn't make the podium at all?!
:'''Don''': What podium? There ''is'' no podium.
:'''Josee''': There is ''always'' a podium!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Kelly and Taylor got eliminated because they went shopping in the Dubai mall long enough for the Best Friends to check into the Chill Zone before them]''
:'''Don''': Kelly, Taylor, you're last to arrive, you're out of the race.
:'''Kelly''': Oh, I guess we should’ve checked in before shopping!
:'''Taylor''': Meh, it was fun while it lasted.
:'''Kelly''': I hope I never touch another camel, but I loved Paris. I can't believe how good your drawing was.
:'''Taylor''': I know, so good. I can't believe your upper body strength. I need to see your trainer like, yesterday.
:'''Kelly''': You know, it's funny. We entered this race to win more money. But we ended up getting something we ''actually'' needed.
:'''Taylor''': Speaking of which, if we're gonna shop more, I'll need you to double my allowance.
:'''Kelly''': Oh, Taylor, I'm canceling your allowance.
:'''Taylor''': Wait. What?

===''New Beijinging [7.10]''===
:'''Kitty''': '''&quot;Find your next tip at the world famous Bird's Nest Stadium.&quot;''' Never heard of it.
:'''Don''': Well, it's right here, in [[w:Beijing|Beijing]], [[w:China|China]]! Home to 25,000,000 people. Oddly enough, we see none of them.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Carrie''': We live together? ''[squeals in excitement]',

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': Jump time! You ready?
:'''Noah''': Hey, how hard can it be?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Carrie''': Uh, I'm not sure if I can-- ''[about to barf]''
:'''Devin''': I-It's okay. Relax. I'll eat it. You just skewer up some worms and-- ''[Carrie runs off and vomits]'' I can't even say worms? ''[Carrie vomits again; interview]'' When we were kids, her sister dared her to eat… ''[covers Carrie's ears; quietly]'' a worm. ''[normally]'' She did it, and then she barfed for six days straight.
:'''Carrie''': ''[holding a bucket to throw up in]'' Were you talking about…worms?
:'''Devin''': Yes? ''[Carrie throws up in the bucket]'' Yeah, I walked into that one.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ryan''': Cooking up something disgusting for someone you love is so hot. But when it comes to not in love… ''[looks down at Stephanie]'' Man, is it fun?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Spud''': My mom calls me a light eater, which means that I start eating as soon as the lights are on.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': How are you feeling?
:'''Jacques''': I can't feel my face!
:'''Josee''': Good. ''[feeds the street food to Jacques to eat it]'' Done! We're in first place! ''[gets the tip]'' It's a Botch or Watch, '''&quot;Who ever didn't look for rings in Hawaii…&quot;'''
:'''Don''': Must pull their teammate by rickshaw all the way here, to the [[w:Great Wall of China|Great Wall of China]]. Using only their unimentally map. Last team to find the Chill Zone hidden somewhere along the wall and check in, could be checking out.
:'''Jacques''': ''Orivwa!''
:'''MacArthur''': Hussle!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Ha! Your lame cooking couldn't slow me down.
:'''Ryan''': Whoo, baby! Cockroach breath! ''[chuckles]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Noah''': ''[panting]'' Hot! Hot! Hot!
:'''Emma''': I know it's a race, but don't be gross!
:'''Noah''': ''[mouth full]'' Sorry! Ah… I'm so sorry.
:''[Emma runs off and barfs in Carrie's bucket]''
:'''Carrie''': That's my bucket!
:'''Kitty''': ''[to Noah]'' Dude, you are so bad at this.
:''[Noah sighs depressingly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings for each other. You're in first place, congratulations!
:'''Stephanie''': Whoo, we did it!
:'''Ryan''': Yes! Alright!
:'''Emma''': How's your hand?
:'''Noah''': It's fine. ''[holds up his swollen hand]'' This one not so much.
:'''Emma''': Oh, it's horrible! Come here.

===''I Love Ridonc And Roll [7.11]''===
:'''Don''': Last episode's Chill Zone sits atop the Great Wall of China. That makes it today's starting point. And last episode's winners are the first team to grab a tip.
:'''Ryan''': ''[takes a tip from the Don box and Stephanie swipes it out of his hand]'' You gonna tell me what it says?
:'''Stephanie''': You gonna let me read it? ''[interview]'' We can't quit now. The prize money's like our children. We're staying together for the kids.
:'''Ryan''': I heard they're changing our name from the Daters to the Haters.
:'''Stephanie''': Hey, go for it. My hate for him won us the last round, so today, I plan to hate him even more.
:'''Ryan''': I couldn't hate her more if I tried. They might as well just give us the money right now.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[reading]'' '''&quot;Fly to [[w:Oulu|Oulu]], [[w:Finland|Finland]].&quot;'''
:'''Owen and MacArthur''': [[w:Finland|Finland]]?
:'''Don''': [[w:Finland|Finland]]. This European country is home to countless coffee drinkers, cellphone users, and the most saunas per capita, which is where the teams are headed. Here, to this Don box of the piping hot sauna's Apena Pilei Spa. Why suffer in the cold…when you can suffer in the heat?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Noah''': ''[grabs and reads a tip]'' '''&quot;All-In: Finish Spa Day. Teams have to sit the dry sauna…&quot;'''
:'''Owen''': Awesome!
:'''Noah''': '''&quot;…fully clothed at the highest heat for 10 minutes.&quot;'''
:'''Owen''': ''[with his shirt off and puts his pants back on; chuckles uncomfortably]'' Less awesome.
:'''Don''': Each spa hut has just enough room for two teams, and the 10-minute timer doesn't start until both teams have crammed inside.
:'''Noah''': '''&quot;After the sauna, collect a tip from the next Don box by crossing the semi-frozen river.&quot;'''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rock''': Almost time to jet.
:'''Spud''': Uh, sweet. 'Cause this heat is getting to me. It looks like those two are melting.
:'''Rock''': Dude, relax. They're totally not-- whoa! Those two are melting!
:''[Crimson and Ennui look at each other and gasp in horror, noticing their makeup is melting]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Crimson and Ennui reach the other side of the semi-frozen river, and scream horrifyingly at each other, and their reflections, as their makeup has been washed off]''
:'''Ennui''': My face!
:'''Crimson''': Don't look at me!
:''[During their interview, they're wearing paper bags over their heads]''
:'''Ennui''': We've only been dating for three years, so naturally, we've never seen each other ''un-gothed.''
:'''Crimson''': I feel like a dead body that washed up on shore, but in a bad way.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Reality TV Pros, Sisters, and Adversity Twins arrive at the stage in downtown Oulu]''
:'''Owen''': ''[stepping out of the taxi]'' Cool! I wonder who's playing.
:'''Noah''': ''[grabs a tip from the Don box]'' Uh, ''we'' are.
:'''Mickey''': It's a Botch or Watch.
:'''Emma''': '''&quot;Teams must battle it out in Finland's national sport, air guitar.&quot;''' Psh, air guitar? For real?!
:'''Don''': For ''very'' real. Performances will be judged by this applause meter. Get the crowd into a maximum frenzy, and teams can rock on over here to today's Chill Zone. Bottom out, and it's back to the end of the line to try, try again.
:'''Kitty''': '''&quot;Whoever didn't pull the rickshaw in Beijing must perform here.&quot;'''
:'''Noah''': Uh-oh.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': Crimson? Wow! Your skin is so flesh-colored.
:'''Carrie''': I love your hair.
:'''Crimson''': You're throwing a lot of positive emotions my way, and I don't know what to do with that.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eunni''': Step aside. We're here to rock.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': We're allowed to fart? Why didn't anyone tell me?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Adversity Twins got eliminated because they didn't make it to the Chill Zone before 11 remaining teams]''
:'''Don''': Twins, you've raced hard and overcame a lot of issues no one has ever heard of, but I'm sorry. You're out.
:'''Jay''': We gathered that. We didn't win, but I'm proud of us. Our doctor said we'd last a week, our physiotherapist said a day, our gym teacher just laughed and laughed.

===''My Way Or Zimbabwe [7.12]''===
:'''Spud''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;Go to Helsinki Airport and catch the next flight to Zimbabwe?&quot;'''
:'''Don''': Located in southwestern Africa, [[w:Zimbabwe|Zimbabwe]] has stunning flora, exotic fauna, and majestic scenery. Once teams land, they have to drive here… to [[w:Victoria Falls|Victoria Falls]], which is nearly twice the height of Niagara Falls. Hear that, North America? Your waterfalls are getting owned!  

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Taxi! Taxi!
:'''Ryan''': I can do this without your help.
:'''Stephanie''': Can you really?
:''[Daters'/Haters' interview]''
:'''Ryan''': There isn't much we agree on anymore.
:'''Stephanie''': I agree with that.
:'''Ryan''': Pfft, yeah, right. You're just trying to make me look dumb.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': Jacques is mad at me.
:'''Jacques''': I'd like an apology.
:'''Josee''': Why should I apologize? Obviously, I didn't know it was bad luck when I took it from the island. Ugh! 
:'''Jacques''': Apology accepted.
:'''Josee''': Thank you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dwayne''': Africa. Wowzers! I've always wanted to go on a safari.
:'''Junior''': Yeah, this is seriously cool. I just wanna get up and see if--
:'''Dwayne''': Ah, ah, ah, you stay on that keister mister. Seats are for sitting.
:''[Father and Son's interview]''
:'''Junior''': My dad still treats me like I'm 5. But I'm practically a man. Check out my chest hair.
:'''Dwayne''': Where?
:'''Junior''': Right there! I-I mean, it's blonde, so, you know, it's hard to see in this light.
:'''Dwayne''': Uh huh.
:'''Junior''': It's there, trust me! ''[walks away angrily]''
:'''Dwayne''': ''[chuckles]'' Kids.
:'''Junior''': I am not a kid!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Daters/Haters try to drive pass the Police Cadets but they keep blocking their way]''
:'''MacArthur''': Why aren't you two making out anymore, huh? Got tired of the… ''[makes kissing noises]''
:'''Sanders''': Okay, that's really distracting. Just sit there and navigate.
:'''MacArthur''': It's a little something I like to call strategy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': You drive like a chicken-headed little girl! ''[imitates chicken noises]''

{{line}}
:'''Jacques''': ''[opens the door]'' You need to fly this thing faster!
:'''Pilot''': You’re not allowed in here!
:'''Josee''': Uh, do you know who we are?
:'''Pilot''': Aren’t you those figure skaters who lost the gold at the Olympics?
:'''Jacques''': JUST FLY FASTER!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Get in the boat.
:'''Ryan''': Let me finish my apple.
:'''Stephanie''': Get…in…'''THE BOAT!'''
:'''Ryan''': You wouldn't.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Junior''': ''[humming a tune while laying back as another raft bumps in from behind, thinking it's his dad]'' I knew you were going to catch up-- ''[realizes it's the Daters/Haters instead]'' Oh. Uh, hey.
:'''Ryan''': What's up, kid? Where's your dad?
:'''Junior''': We got separated. And the family rule is, if you get separated, go to your destination. Uh, do you mind if I tag along?
:'''Ryan''': Oh-ho-ho. You don't wanna get in this boat. Stephanie might hit you with an oar and shove you off a cliff! 
:'''Stephanie''': Are you ''still'' talking about that? &quot;Ryan, Ryan, Ryan!&quot; Get over it.
:'''Junior''': How did you guys manage to get a selfie? ''[Stephanie tosses him their camera]'' Wow. That's impressive.
:'''Stephanie''': Ha! You hear that? Impressive!
:'''Ryan''': He doesn't know any better. He's just a child.
:'''Junior''': Actually, I've got a chest hair, so…
:'''Stephanie''': So he's already more of a man than you, Ryan.
:'''Don''': While most of the other teams have already started the rhino challenge, our last place Ice Dancers have finally landed in Africa.
:'''Josee''': Out of our way, sky waitress! We're in a race!
:''[Meanwhile…]''
:'''Stephanie''': Well, I only boss you around because you have no leadership skills, guts, or common sense.
:'''Junior''': So, uh, thanks for the lift.
:'''Ryan''': Please, I saved us from elimination ''way'' more often than you have.
:'''Junior''': Uh, but I should go…
:'''Stephanie''': Are you insane?!
:'''Ryan''': I must be. I was dating you!
:'''Junior''': Maybe find my dad…
:'''Stephanie''': Why do you have to remind me? I'd already blocked that out!
:'''Junior''': Anyway, you're not listening, so… ''[runs off alone leaving the Haters to continue their argument]'' Good luck… With everything. I don't like to judge, but those two ''probably'' shouldn't have kids. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Photos check out. 1st place to the Police Cadets, 2nd to the Surfer Dudes! ''[both teams cheer; inspects the photos; to Geoff]'' Geoff, one question: How do you keep your hat on while plunging over the world's highest falls?
:'''Geoff''': ''[interview]'' White Stallion Glue. Will hold, mold, and won't cost you gold.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques and Josee''': ''[run and scream in terror]''
:'''Jacques''': I love rhinos! I love rhinos!
:'''Dwayne''': Junior! Oh, Buddy am I happy to see you. I’m sorry we didn’t finish the challenge, pal, but I- I couldn’t take pictures. I just have to find you!
:'''Junior''': Who said we didn’t finish?
:'''Don''': 10th place.
:'''Jacques and Josee''': Rhinos are my friend!
:'''Dwayne''': So proud of you. Now, we just need to make sure your mom never sees this episode, ever.
:'''Junior''': Alright, dad. That’s enough.
:'''Josee''': ''[pants]'' And stay down.
:'''Don''': Jacques and Josee!
:'''Jacques''': We know.
:'''Josee''': 11th, last, eliminated!

===''Shawshank Ridonc-Tion [7.13]''===
:'''Sanders''': We're going to Australia! Yes!
:'''Don''': [[w:Australia|Australia]], home to the unique [[w:Sydney Opera House|Sydney Opera  House]], [[w:Ayers Rock|Ayers Rock]], and disturbingly cute koalas.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': The purple was too friendly. The black screams, &quot;Get out of our way!&quot;
:'''Jacques''': And wash us with similar colors.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Attention, teams. This is a boomerang. Find one attached to your travel tip and you can use it at the next Don box to send another team ''back'' to repeat the last challenge.
:'''Josee''': I ''want'' one!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;Stop in at Geelong maximum security.&quot;'''
:'''Don''': Geelong Prison closed in 1991. But during its 146 years of operation, it was the most brutal and violent lockup on Earth. Now it's an extreme travel hot spot! As teams arrive, they'll be throw into cells. Each cell is equipped with four methods of escape: tunnels, trap doors, hidden tools, or bars. Once they break out of their cell, they're free to make their way to today's final Don box, here on the Barwon river. Boomerangs can only be used here. After they pass this point, the boomerang expires. And, as a special bonus treat…
:'''Junior''': ''[reading]'' '''&quot;First team to today's Chill Zone gets to make a phone call home.&quot;''' Cool, we can call Mom.
:'''Dwayne''': Or better yet, order a pizza. ''[Junior points to the camera; clears throat]'' Eh, b-but of course, you know, I'm joking. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emma''': Number one or number two?
:'''Owen''': Two! But it had the consistency of…
:'''Stepbrothers''': ''[farther up ahead]'' Number one!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': Hey, once you're up there, if you double-cross us, I'll make you pay.
:'''Jacques''': Pfft. You don't scare me.
:'''MacArthur''': ''[pulls him down and grabs him by the collar; threateningly]'' I'll break your limbs, tie you into a knot, and throw you off a cliff.
:'''Jacques''': Okay, that actually does scare me.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As the Best Friends are first to reach the Chill Zone, Devin calls Shelley, who she then dumps him, leaving him heartbroken and upset]''
:'''Devin''': Shelley? Oh. Thanks, Ashton. Ashton's her tennis instructor, he's just getting her now. Shelley! Hi! It's me, Devin. I miss you so much… Whoa, whoa, what? No! We never broke up. Y-You're dating who?! Ashton?! No! Please, Shelley, don't! Wait! ''[Shelley hangs up and Don takes the phone away from him]'' No, no, I need to call her back!
:'''Don''': Sorry, one phone call only. So, how's the girlfriend?
:'''Devin''': ''[devastated]'' She's dumped me… for her tennis instructor! ''[starts sobbing hysterically]''
:'''Don''': Whoa, the tennis instructor? That never happens.
:'''Carrie''': Maybe I should tell him now? Or, I'll wait for him to stop sobbing.

===''Down and Outback [7.14]''===
:'''Rock''': Let’s save this farm, Whoohoo!
:'''Sanders''': Ah, yeah. 
:''[teams step on cabbages]''
:'''Noah''': Aw!
:'''Brody''': Here, albino, bino, bino! Don’t worry, bud, well get those rabbits.
:'''Jacques''': Lapin! ''[gets attacked]'' Aaah! A little help?
:'''Josee''': Not now, I’m busy clearing. ''[MacArthur stares at her]'' They boomeranged us.
:'''Jacques''': We boomeranged them.
:'''Josee''': I want revenge!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Don congratulating Josee and Jacques on skill and good sportsmanship]''
:'''Ice Dancers''': What?
:'''Don''': Kidding. Your win is highly suspect. I just don't care enough to look into it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Spud''': One day, Rock's mom will kill him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Stepbrothers got eliminated because they lost to the Rockers in the race to the Chill Zone after their glider was destroyed by a kangaroo and they got buried in an avalanche. Don even remembered that the leg was a double elimination round, and thus the Rockers also got eliminated]''
:'''Don''': But, before we wrap up, I have a special announcement to make. Today's episode…is a double-elimination round! The Rockers are ''also'' going home!
:'''Rock''': WHAT?!
:'''Spud''': Aw, man. Drag.
:''[The Stepbrothers both laugh]''
:'''Rock''': ''[imitating buzzer]'' Why'd you waste time reviewing footage if you were just gonna boot both of us?
:'''Don''': Because I forgot, obviously.
:'''Rock''': Getting kicked off was lame, but I'm proud of Spud. At first, I was all, &quot;Dude!&quot; And then I was all, &quot;''[gasps]'' No way!&quot; And then I was like, '''&quot;WHAT?!&quot;'''
:'''Spud''': Thanks, dude. Maybe we'll win this thing.
:'''Rock''': We just lost.
:'''Spud''': Oh, yeah, right.
:'''Rock''': I really coulda use the million.
:'''Chet''': You guys wanna come over and play ''Rock Storm'' on our Gamebox?
:'''Rockers''': Yes!
:'''Lorenzo''': Nice!
:'''Chet''': Sweet.

===''Maori Or Less [7.15]''===
:'''Don''': Teams must climb a dangerously steep path to this train station, then take an historic ride through [[w:New Zealand|New Zealand]]'s lush mountains all the way up to Decision Junction, where their next tips are waiting.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Trains number one leadas with the Haters, Goths and Ice Dancers.
:'''Junior''': Ah, puss buckets!
:'''Dwayne''': Language, Mister!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Reality TV Schmos… I mean Pros, i’m afraid you’re last, it’s time to go. Is what I would’ve said if this were an elimination round, but it isn’t. Congratulations, guys, you’re still in the game.

===''Little Bull on the Prairie [7.16]''===
:'''Josee''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;Go to Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump.&quot;'''
:'''Jacques''': Huh? Buffalo? Is that a place or a threat?
:'''Don''': It's actually a little of both. It's located here, along the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in [[w:Alberta|Alberta]], [[w:Canada|Canada]]. Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump was going to be called Concussion Valley, but the name was already taken. Teams must fly to Lethbridge, Alberta, then drive to this spot to receive their next travel tip. 
:'''Devin''': ''[gets the tip]'' Yes! Let's do this! I had a few um… minor outbursts in New Zealand.
:'''Carrie''': Oh, you weren’t that bad.
:'''Devin'''m Don't worry, the rage has left the Devin. I’m not angry at Shelly for dumping me anymore, infact, I want you back, baby, and I’ll do anything to prove it! I’ll climb to the top of the tree!
:''[Devin climbs all the way up into that tree]''
:'''Carrie''': And hello to stage three of breaking up, desperation. ''[Devin falls from a tree, Devin groans]'' Yeah, this is gonna be great.
:'''Geoff''': Dude! We're going to a dude ranch!
:'''Brody''': And we are dudes!
:'''Geoff''': We can't lose! It's an us ranch! ''[high-fives with Brody]''
:''[Ryan gets the tip]''
:'''Stephanie''': Dudes at a dude ranch, that's fair.
:'''Ryan''': Maybe the next Challange, will be for something you're good at, like complaining.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[interview]'' I am not a complainer! How dare you call me that?! You never listen, and your short is so ugly it hirts my eyes.
:'''Ryan''': Yeah, you don't complain at all.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': You’ll have to get out there and patch her up ASAP.
:'''Sanders''': You’re not gonna stop first?
:'''MacArthur''': Agh, new plan! ''[drives faster to crash into a red vehicle making the Ice Dancers scream in terror]'' BOOYA!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': ''[getting the tip]'' It's an All-In. '''&quot;Tip Your Hat, Split Your Jeans, and Eat Like a Cowboy by All Means.&quot;'''
:'''Don''': Working together, teammates must eat an ''entire'' pot of pork and beans. At the bottom of the pot, they'll find their next travel tip.
:'''Geoff''': Whoa!
:'''Brody''': My fave food to nosh on is ''totally'' pork and beans, dude!
:'''Geoff''': I can scarf most things. Brody's got an iron stomach with the taste buds of a dude that doesn't have any taste buds. We're golden.
:''[The Daters/Haters enter the restaurant and see the Surfer Dudes already chowing down]''
:'''Stephanie''': See? Dude advantage. But we're in 2nd, so all's not lost.
:'''Ryan''': Only our love for each other. ''[he and Stephanie high five]''
:'''Stephanie''': Exactly. ''[looking down into the pot; horrified]'' Beans? Beans?! BEANS?! I'm not usually a picky eater, but beans are the grossest food on the planet and should never be consumed by human beings, ever. That's it.
:'''Ryan''': ''[clears throat]'' Chicken.
:'''Stephanie''': What was that?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crimson''': ''[interview]'' This place reminds me of my grandmother's farm house. I've spent a lot of summers there.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': ''[reading the tip]'' It's a Random Botch. '''&quot;Whoever isn't holding the tip, has to ride the mechanical bull.&quot;'''
:'''Brody''': There's a mechanical bull?!
:'''Don''': The Bull Buster 3000, the most dangerous mechanical bull in the world.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': A disgusting amount of pork and beans? FOR FREE?! WOHOOOO! ''[hogs it all for herself, Sanders tries to scoop some]'' Get your own pot!
:''[Cadets' interview]''
:'''Sanders''': Someone has a bit of a sharing problem.
:'''MacArthur''': You're right, and I forgive you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Owen''': ''[feeding Noah pork and beans]'' Here's the Choo-choo train! ''[continues eating]''
:'''Emma''': ''[looking at Noah still looking depressed while eating]'' Maybe it's just a coincidence he, you know, went into a state of shock and despair, the moment I broke up with him. ''[to her sister]'' Can you just agree with me at least?
:''[Kitty sighs]''
:'''Don''': While the rest of out teams choke down pork and beans, our current leaders are trying not to choke!
:'''Geoff''': Brod man’s not doing so good. But no one else is even trying the Bull yet, but we’re still golden. ''[gets pushed by Brody]''
:'''Ryan''': Come on, babe. You can do this. You're stronger and scarier than anyone I know. Take a deep breath. ''[Stephanie breathes heavily]'' That's it. Just… ''[Stepahnie drops the spoon and starts gagging; sighs]'' You know what? Maybe you can't do it. Maybe you're not as strong as I thought. You're not a winner at all. But a… ''LOSER!''
:'''Stephanie''': ''[gasps in shock over hearing that, picks up the spoon, and scarfs some beans]'' I… am not… a loser!
:''[Interview]''
:'''Ryan''': As a certified trainer, I know how to motivate people who lack confidence.
:'''Stepahnie''': ''[pressing her hands on her stomach, trying to hold in her vomit]'' I'm confident. These beans aren't gonna stay down, ugh, much longer. ''[vomits]''
:'''Owen''': ''[hears his stomach rumbling]'' Uh oh! Beaks are shifting! Haha… ''[forms a big fart as a window crashes]''
:'''MacArthur''': ''[interview; impressed as Sanders wears a gas mask]'' Man, can that guy airbrush his boxers?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': There. I did it.
:'''Ryan''': Excellent. Now, grab the tip.
:'''Stephanie''': Why don't ''you'' grab the tip?
:'''Brody''': ''[pained]'' I wish I could've taken the tip, and you'd be the one ridding the bull.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emma''': That would make me feel terrible! This is the part where you pretend it’s possible!
:'''Don''': It’s down to three teams in a race for failure of the day. ''[Dwayne goes over the Bull Buster 3000, Junior slaps his head, Jacques gets ready to ride the bull]''
:'''Jacques''': Ah! Ah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah-

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Junior''': ''[hugging his father as they're eliminated]'' Thanks for this, Dad. I really appreciate it.
:'''Dwayne''': Oh, I can't be too obsessed. The race has really changed Junior and me. My son's going home a man.
:'''Junior''': And thanks to his new tattoo, my dad is going home a woman. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Dwayne''': Yeah, I'm gonna grow a beard.
:'''Junior''': Probably for the best.
:'''Dwayne''': Hey, you wanna go home and binge-watch ''Total Drama Pahkitew Island?''
:'''Junior''': Only if we can laugh until soda squirts out your nose.
:'''Dwayne''': Of course we can, son. Of course we can.

===''Lord of The Ring Toss [7.17]''===
:'''Geoff''': Cool, we're flying to the Arctic Circle!
:'''Brody''': Awesome! Circles are my favorite shape, dude!
:'''Don''': The [[w:Arctic Circle|Arctic Circle]], home to the world's harshest climate, whitest animals, and favorite storybook characters. Teams must fly here by Cessna, two teams per flight, to get their next tip. And they'll be chilled to the bone to find out there's another boomerang in play. Find this attached to your tip, and you can make another team repeat the first challenge. Just our way of adding some, &quot;Oh, that's cold.&quot; to the cold. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Second doesn't win a million bucks. We've only been first once because you keep dragging us down!
:'''Ryan''': Me? You're the one that wouldn't eat any beans.
:'''Stephanie''': Whoa, whoa! Look who's playing the blame game!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Best Friends' interview]''
:'''Carrie''': You know, the Goths really kicked butt in Alberta. Think we should try to form an alliance with them?
:'''Devin''': Alliances are just invitations to get stabbed in the back. You can never really know anyone. As soon as you think you do, wham! They rip your heart from your chest and they eat it.
:'''Carrie''': Okay, so… is that a no?
:''[Goths' interview]''
:'''Crimson''': You were so friendly with the Besties. You practically smiled.
:'''Ennui''': They're survivors, like us. I felt a kinship.
:'''Crimson''': Do we try to form an alliance?
:'''Both''': No.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Daters/Haters and Surfer Dudes reach the Don box when they arrive in the Arctic Circle]''
:'''Brody''': Oh, it's a Botch-or-Watch! I rode the bull in Alberta, so this one is you!
:'''Geoff''': ''[reading]'' '''&quot;Find a ring somewhere hidden in the snow and toss one onto a narwhal.&quot;''' Ah, narwhal, ha.
:'''Brody''': So what's a narwhal?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ryan''': ''[after successfully tossing a ring onto a narwhal's tusk]'' Yes! I put us into first place!
:'''Stephanie''': Can we go now or do you want to stay and build a statue of yourself? ''[interview]'' Every time Ryan finally manages to do something right, the whole world has to drop everything so we can all ''celebrate'' his &quot;major achievement.&quot;
:'''Ryan''': You know what? You're a joy-vampire. You… ''[imitates blood-sucking]'' suck the joy right out of everything! If I had a time machine, I'd go back to our first date, and slap myself.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ennui''': ''[interview]'' When did Devin get so… ''cool?''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Ugh. Pull over and let me do this. You drive like an old lady.
:'''Ryan''': ''[exasperated]'' Can you please stop insulting everything I do?
:'''Stephanie''': ''[mocking Ryan]'' &quot;Can you please stop insulting everything I do?&quot;
:'''Ryan''': Real mature.
:'''Stephanie''': &quot;Real mature.&quot;
:'''Ryan''': ''[mimicking Stephanie]'' &quot;Pull over, and let me drive.&quot;
:'''Stephanie''': I do ''not'' sound like that.
:'''Ryan''': &quot;I do ''not'' sound like that.&quot;
:'''Stephanie''': Stop it!
:'''Ryan''': &quot;Stop it!&quot;
:'''Stephanie''': Ugh!
:'''Ryan''': &quot;Ugh!&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ryan''': Great. Now the Goths are ahead of us! Way to blow our lead! Why can't you do something right for a change and use the boomerang?
:'''Stephanie''': I boomerang Ryan!
:'''Ryan''': ''[shocked]'' WHAT?! We're on the same team!
:'''Crimson''': ''[interview]'' It's sad when love turns to poison. ''[she and Ennui hold hands]'' That's nice.
:'''Don''': ''[going through the rule book]'' The rules don't say anything about being unable to boomerang themselves. So I'll allow it. But since it's a Botch-or-Watch, this time, Stephanie has to ring the narwhal.
:'''Stephanie''': Great. Now I can show Ryan how stupid easy it is to put a hoop on a giant fish.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': I used to hate mammals. But this narwhal is pretty cool.
:'''Sanders''': Uh, we're mammals.
:'''MacArthur''': I know.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': It doesn't fit. Stop waisting time!
:'''Ryan''': We'd be finished already if you hadn't boomerang…
:'''Stephanie''': Are you ''still'' talking about that? Ugh! Ancient history.
:'''Ryan''': If we don't finish this igloo, ''we'll'' be ancient history. ''[interview]'' If we end up being eliminated after everything that happened-- the fighting, the break-up, the boomerang, I'm not sure our relationship will survive it.
:'''Stephanie''': I know.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': You need to cut faster!
:'''Ryan''': ''[cutting fast]'' I'm going as fast as I can!
:'''Stephanie''': Put those perfectly sculpted muscles of yours to work!
:'''Ryan''': Stop yelling your beautiful flawless face-off at me. Here.
:'''Stephanie''': Thank you. I need three more blocks to finish the baby's room.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Ryan, Stephanie, you're the last team to arrive. Sending you home is… exactly what I do if this weren’t an elimination round! But it’s not! You’re safe! ''[The Hater/Daters sigh]''
:'''Ryan''': I’m so happy right now. I want ready to go home. I.. still have some feelings for Stephanie.
:'''Stephanie''': I also have feelings for Ryan. And we are a good team it was this competition that broke us up.
:'''Ryan''': Totally! If we win some place where there was no stress, hardship, or challenges, I think we’d be happy.
:'''Stephanie''': And together forever.
:'''Ryan''': I forgive you for boomeranging us.
:'''Stephanie''': Forgive me? Haha. Do you know how many times you’ve almost gotten us eliminated?
:'''Ryan''': Even if that were true which it isn’t, at least i’d never heard out team on purpose.
:'''Stephanie''': No, you just heard us for beating bad at everything.
:'''Ryan''': Ugh! You’re impossible!
:'''Don''': ''[pops up]'' The hate is back on The Ridonculous Race.

===''Got Venom? [7.18]''===
:'''Stephanie''': Did I boomerang my ''own'' team? Yes. But it was Ryan's fault.
:'''Ryan''': ''[monotonously]'' Yes, Stephanie.
:'''Stephanie''': You had it coming!
:'''Ryan''': Yes, Stephanie.
:'''Stephanie''': Mr. I'm-King-of-the-Ring-Toss.
:'''Ryan''': Yes, Stephanie. ''[Stephanie screams in irritation and storms out of the interview room]'' I finally figured out how to one-up Stephanie… just agree with everything.
:'''Brody''': We're flying to…Flores, Indonesia.
:'''Geoff''': ''[shudders]'' I hope it's warm there.
:'''Don''': Oh, it is. [[w:Flores|Flores]], [[w:Indonesia|Indonesia]] is packed with beautiful empty beaches, majestic mountain ranges, and ominously silent jungles. Teams must fly to Flores, then take taxis to the Don box in this village. How do the locals keep tourists away from this island paradise? Nobody knows. But, it might have something to do with the Komodo dragon problem. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': It's an All-In. '''&quot;How to Milk Your Dragon.&quot;''' Whoa. We have to do what?
:'''Don''': That's right. Just when you thought these beasts were harmless, it turns out their saliva is loaded with '''''venom.''''' Teams must collect one vial of Komodo drool, and hand it to this kid to get their next tip. ''[screams as a Komodo dragon pops up next to him]'' That said, try not to get bitten. In case you do, side effects may include: headache, dizziness, and being eaten by a Komodo dragon.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brody''': Boo-yah! One cup of doom drool!
:'''Don''': Hold on. ''[swipes the vial out of Brody's hand and examines it]'' This is extinguisher foam! ''[throws the vial aside]'' Try pulling another fast one like that, and you're out of the race! ''[threateningly points to the Surfer Dudes]'' Got it?
:'''Brody''': ''[frightfully]'' Who could've replaced our venom with extinguisher foam?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Loki stands on a tree branch and throws acorns at a Komodo dragon, waking it up; the dragon tries to catch Loki and holds onto the tree and starts drooling; the Goths put a bucket next to the dragon to collect its drool, and stand behind a bush]''
:'''Ennui''': That's it, drool.
:'''Crimson''': ''[interview]'' Loki doesn't know fear. ''[the dragon smells her and Ennui's deodorant, and runs away]'' Yes. Smell your defeat.
:''[Ennui fills up the vial of Komodo drool from the bucket; the Ice Dancers pop out of the bushes watching them]''
:'''Josee''': That is one B-A-D (bad) bunny.
:'''Jacques''': Well, that plan backfired. And much faster this time.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': ''[holding onto a tree]'' Help! 
:'''Ryan''': ''[going through a magazine]'' Yes, Stephanie.
:'''Stephanie''': Was this your plan?
:'''Ryan''': Yes, Stephanie.
:'''Stephanie''': Get a giant lizard to eat me?! ''[screams in unbridled rage and snaps a branch stick off the tree and uses it to bash the Komodo dragon in the head rapidly; Ryan gasps; points the tree branch stick at him, threatningly]'' Scoop some drool, or you're next.
:'''Ryan''': ''[scoffs]'' I'm not afraid of Steph, or her dumb stick. And I don't need her to tell me what to do.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[chasing after him]'' Hurry up, drool boy! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': The Goths take 1st place!
:'''Josee''': What?! Silver ''again?!'' This race is fixed! ''[screaming angrily while swaying their loom rug back and forth, hitting Jacques by accident; interview]'' I can't believe those pasty-faced freaks took gold! Oh, I bet they're just ''LOVING'' it! 
:'''Crimson''': ''[interview]'' We won.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Noah''': We're gonna be in last place. 
:'''Owen''': Oh, no. Chewy's drooling in his sleep. ''[gets Komodo drool in his eye]'' THE VENOM'S IN MY EYE! ''[farts, waking up the dragon; the dragon coughs and runs away; interview]'' Oh. I guess farting ''is'' a side effect of Komodo venom.
:'''Noah''': No, it isn't.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brody''': Just to be clear, I'm a trained professional in all things extreme. Never try that at home, kids. But if you're in a forest, totally do it! Komodo trapping rules!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Reality TV Pros got eliminated because Noah became buried in a pile of rugs, and Owen was unable to find him in time before the remaining teams reached the Chill Zone due to having venom in his eye. For an medical emergency, they must get a previously eliminated team to replace it for eight to win]''
:'''Owen''': As reality shows go, that got as real as reality shows ''get.''
:'''Noah''': Before it started, I didn't have a girlfriend and now I do, so, it's an easy favorite.
:'''Owen''': I mean, the million would've been nice, but winning isn't everything. Also, I already won a million.
:'''Noah''': And I'm dating a lawyer. So I'll never have to work again.
:'''Owen''': Oh-ho-ho. I'm sure Emma's gonna love to hear that. What reality show should we do next?
:'''Noah''': Didn't I tell you? We've been asked to do the next season of-- ''[static]''

===''Dude Buggies [7.19]''===
:'''Crimson''': We're going to Las Vegas.
:'''Don''': Located in [[w:Nevada|Nevada]], [[w:United States|USA]], Las Vegas is famous for its bright lights, bold entertainment, and very, very bad judgment.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques''': Oh, Josee! Are you losing it?! They're goths, not vampires.
:'''Josee''': Are they, Jacques? Are they?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Daters/Haters step up to start the magic challenge]''
:'''Ryan''': All right, what do we do?
:'''Stephanie''': So, the assistant goes into one side of the cage, the lion is in the other. The cage gets covered, and the magician pulls the lever to the correct position to drop the divider and the lion off the stage. That way the assistant doesn't get mauled. Let's go. I'll be the magician.
:'''Ryan''': Nah, nah. The girl is always the assistant, the man is the magician.
:'''Stephanie''': You better hope that dress can fit over your thick head.
:'''Ryan''': Aw, come on, Steph, be reasonable.
:'''Stephanie''': Says the guy who dumped me on television.
:'''Ryan''': ''[dismayed]'' Crud.
:'''Don''': As the Cadets and Sisters race to the Don Box to choose an Either-Or, Best Friends, Carrie and Devin lose valuable ground.
:'''Carrie''': Man, this cad is so slow…
:'''Devin''': Hey driver, the next cactus, turn west…
:'''Green driver''': ''[thumbs up]'' Hmm…

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': Which one of us should drive?
:'''Emma''': You're better at video games than me, but can you handle it?
:'''Kitty''': I think so. ''[interview]'' I used to be obsessed with video games. One time, I played &quot;Hockey All Stars&quot; for two days straight. I would've kept going, but Emma unplugged my game station and refused to give it back until I took a shower.
:'''Emma''': She smelled like a bag of wet popcorn. Ugh.
:'''Kitty''': Not my finest hour.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Ice Dancers' interview]''
:'''Jacques''': I have no problem being the assistant here. When we skate, I'm always the magician.
:'''Josee''': Eh, say what?
:'''Jacques''': I lift you, carry you, twirl you around, ha. All you need to do is smile and not fall down.
:'''Josee''': Wow. I hope I do this trick right. I'd hate to watch you get EATEN BY A LION! ''[gets up in Jacques' face, angrily]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Would you get in the cage already?
:'''Ryan''': ''[grunting]'' Dumb door! Too small!
:'''Stephanie''': Ugh, come on! Suck it in! ''[pushes Ryan in the cage, his dress rips off; points and laughs at his underwear]'' Nice undies!
:'''Ryan''': Hey, don't look at my butt.
:'''Stephanie''': You wish I'd look at your butt. Now get in there! ''[slams the cage door shut closed]''
:'''Ryan''': OW!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': ''[as the Goths are again the first team to step on the carpet; spits out water, shouting]'' HOW IS ANYONE THAT QUIET?! ''[breaths deeply]'' Congrats on coming in first again. Can we hang some bells around their necks or something? Haters, you're in second place.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brody''': Let's do that again!
:'''Geoff''': Dude.
:'''Brody''': Duuude!
:'''Geoff''': Duuuuuude.
:'''Brody''': ''[Beat, sighs]'' Good point…

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': I can't believe the goths came in first again! I knew I should've used this!
:'''Jacques''': They're not vampires! Agh! At least we didn't finish last, and I got to keep the outfit. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Carrie''': Did we make it?
:'''Don''': Yes.
:'''Carrie''': Alright!
:'''Don''': In last place.
:'''Devin''': Oh. Carrie, I am so sorry. It's totally my fault, and I realized something.
:'''Don''': Did you realize this is a non-elimination round?

===''El Bunny Supremo [7.20]''===
:'''Don''': We’re beck in sunny Nevada where the un-sunny goths are preparing today’s first tip.
:'''Crimson''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;It's time to go to Mexico. ''Olé.&quot;'''''
:'''Don''': I think you mean… ''¡OLÉ!'' Yes, there's plenty to get excited about in beautiful [[w:Mexico|Mexico]], where the sun is hot and so is the salsa. ''[A fly buzzes and salsa erupts]'' Teams must take a form of local transit known as &quot;the chicken bus&quot; all the way here to the beautiful cliffs of [[w:Acapulco|Acapulco]] to receive their next challenge. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Daters/Haters, Best Friends, and Police Cadets get their tips from the Don box]''
:'''Stephanie''': It's an All-In.
:'''Carrie''': '''&quot;Who Loves Peppers…&quot;'''
:'''Sanders''': '''&quot;…and Who Loves Dip?&quot;'''
:'''Don''': For this All-In, a team member must eat one hot pepper from this food cart. Once eaten, wave the corresponding flag color. Then the second team member must act like an Acapulco cliff diver. Eat the hottest pepper, and your partner leaps from the lowest ledge, there. Eat a mid-range pepper, and your partner jumps from there. But eat the mildest pepper, and your partner is basically jumping from the space station. Cliff jumpers will find their next tip, attached to canteens, anchored along the bottom of the bay.
:'''Carrie''': '''&quot;The canteens are filled with just enough cold milk to soothe the pepper-eater's burning mouth.&quot;'''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': Back at the academy, I pepper-sprayed all my meals to build up in immunity to it. ''[eats a handful of hottest peppers]'' So eating the hottest pepper is easy-peasy. ''[as a single sound effect and more sound effects rise]'' SANDERS, JUMP! I NEED MILK!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ryan''': ''[calling out]'' STEPHANIE, I'M BEGGING YOU! EAT THE MIDDLE ONE!
:'''Stephanie''': Can't hear you! You must be above the atmosphere or something. ''[eats the mildest pepper]'' Huh. Not bad. ''[waves the flag]'' Okay, jump!
:'''Ryan''': Aw, man, are you serious? She couldn't even eat the middle pepper?! I thought we were good! Come on!
:'''Stephanie''': We may be on better terms, but the man still dumped me on TV. If I can make him suffer a little, I will.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': ''[takes a medium pepper from the cart after recovering from the heat enough]'' Okay. We can do this, for Carrie.
:'''Carrie''': Okay, uh, not so bad, Olympic divers do it. They're sure they trained first as they don't die doing it, but still...
:'''Devin''': ''[screaming in pain]'' Fire! Am I on fire?!
:'''Carrie''': Devin! Kitty, is he okay?!
:'''Kitty''': You may wanna start climbing! ''[eats the medium pepper]''
:'''Emma''': ''[calling out]'' Doing great, Kitty!
:'''Kitty''': ''[screaming as the medium pepper burns her]'' HOT, HOT! Oh, ho! IT BURNS! ''[waves the green flag]'' JUMP!!!
:'''Emma''': Nice work, Kit! ''[jumps off the cliff and into the bay below]''
:'''Devin''': This is nothing. I can… ''[eats the medium pepper and ends up spitting it out and screams]''
:'''Carrie''': Devin, just eat the mild one. ''[sighs]'' Looks like I'm going to the top.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Ennui reaches shore with the canteen and tip]''
:'''Crimson''': Thanks. ''[notices Ennui looking upset]'' What's wrong?
:'''Ennui''': Nothing.
:'''Crimson''': But you look so emotional.
:'''Ennui''': Loki's gone. ''[interview]'' Once, Santa brought me a black kitten. I named him Toxic Mold. One day, he slipped out the door and never came back.
:'''Crimson''': No bunny gets left behind.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': Wait. Was Carrie holding hands with Ryan?! Was she? ''[accidentally rubs pepper juice in his eyes, causing him to be fully blind]'' AAAH! Pepper juice! MY EYES!!!
:''[Interview]''
:'''Carrie''': &quot;Holding hands?&quot; I was just helping Ryan jump.
:'''Devin''': Oh, of course you were. You were just being &quot;helpful&quot;. Sometimes too helpful. But we should focus on the million.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Sanders reaches the Chill Zone herself while her partner tries waking up her burro]''
:'''Don''': Um, you seem to be shy one loud, aggressive partner.
:''[The Ice Dancers show up]''
:'''Jacques''': Ah! There's only ''one'' cop. They don't win! 
:'''Don''': Not yet. But unless one of you coughs up two burros, I'll have to give you a 10-minute penalty.
:'''Jacques and Josee''': NO!
:'''Sanders''': ''[victoriously]'' Yes! ''[calling out to her partner as the Ice Dancers are penalized for ten minutes]'' Hurry, MacArthur! You've got 10!
:'''MacArthur''': Okay, donkey. ''WAKE UP!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Goths got eliminated because The Ice Dancers kidnapped Loki, causing them to stop competing in order to look for him; and after they found him, they were beaten by the Surfers to the Chill Zone]''
:'''Crimson''': I'm glad we went to Transylvania.
:'''Ennui''': And Finland. That was epic.
:'''Crimson''': We could always go back to Vegas I guess, if we need the money. I hope the Ice Dancers get what they deserve.
:'''Ennui''': I hope they get worse than that.
:'''Crimson''': I love it when you get vengeful.
:'''Ennui''': I know.

===''Ca-Noodling [7.21]''===
:''[Josee and Jacques are proud of how they managed to get the Goths eliminated]''
:'''Sanders''': From now on, we stay in the winners circle by any means necessary.
:'''MacArthur''': Does this mean I get-
:'''Sanders''': No, you cannot taser anyone.
:'''MacArthur''': Aw. ''[Ice Dancers’ interview]''
:'''Josee''': Second place. Again!
:'''Jacques''': But at least I got another team eliminated.
:'''Josee''': That's true. We did. It's like we won a gold medal in treachery!
:'''Sanders''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;Travel to Cần Thơ, Vietnam.&quot;'''
:'''Don''': [[w:Cần Thơ|Cần Thơ]] is not only a great name for a movie villain, it's also the largest city in [[w:Vietnam|Vietnam]]'s thriving [[w:Mekong Delta|Mekong Delta]]. Teams will find their next tip here, along the [[w:Mekong|Mekong River]], where the fish are plentiful, ugh, and pungent. Get that thing away from me! ''[more characters getting travel tips]''
:'''Devin''': Uhh! It says- here! You read, I’ll get us a cab! Taxi!
:'''Carrie''': Uh, wrong way!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': Turns out, I'm violently allergic to hot peppers, especially when rubbed into my eyes, so, yeah, my vision's kinda off. But don't tell Carrie. I'm trying impress her, you know, lay the land for when I tell her I like like her.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brody''': I once babysit my sister's pet that was somehow eaten by a crocodile.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques''': I compare noodling catfish to massaging my grandma's feet, which I don't like.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Surfer Dudes got eliminated after Devin and Carrie beaten them to the Chill Zone as thanks for alerting them to the Don Box in the tunnels, making them come in last]''
:'''Carrie''': Devin nearly costs us the race today. What is up with him? It’s like the long per we’re in this thin, the less I know him. I want to million with my best friend, not some total stranger. But! I’ll take the million either way.
:'''Geoff''': Well! Here we are dude.
:'''Brody''': Hit us with those negative vibes.
:'''Don''': Hey, Hey, Hey! Quite the long faces! Your’e not out of the race yet.
:'''Brody''': Wow!
:'''Geoff''': [gasps]
:'''Don''': Now you’re out!
:'''Brody''': No!
:'''Geoff''': Aw.
:'''Don''': See what I did there? That's TV fishing. Gave ya some line and a little hope and then yanked it away! It's gonna look great and all this explaining will be edited out. Cool, huh?
:'''Geoff''': Bummer, dude...
:'''Don''': Some people just don't get show business.
:'''Brody''': MacArthur! You have to go on without me!
:'''MacArthur''': Cool beans will do.

===''How Deep Is Your Love? [7.22]''===
:'''Sanders''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;Catch a flight to Siberia.&quot;'''
:'''Don''': [[w:Siberia|Siberia]]! This massive province of [[w:Russia|Russia]] is home to the Siberian tiger, Siberian husky, and probably anything else prefaced with Siberian. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sanders''': This alliance is not a friendship.
:'''MacArthur''': Got that right. It's just an agreement to work with people we hate.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': My dad would always pressure me into winning and coming first.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ryan''': Whenever we had an argument, my dad will gratuitously agree with my mom until she calms down or leaves.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pilot''': ''[over PA]'' Welcome, uhh, aboard, everyone, huh. We're going to be, um... closing the... uh... cabin doors, any uhh... second now. For the taking off.
:'''Josee''': ''[irately impatient]'' '''JUST CLOSE THE DOORS ALREADY!!!''' ''[plane cabin doors slam close; sighs in relief]''
:'''Kitty''': Woo-hoo!
:'''Carrie''': That was too close!
:''[Josse screams infuriated]'' 
:'''Don''': All the teams are off! Some happier than others.
:'''Josee''': Now we're all on the same flight, and it's all because of that pilot!
:'''Jacques''': Why? Because he, uhh, spoke, uhh- ''[Josee punches him in the shoulder, getting him to stop talking]'' Ow!

&lt;hr width=''50%''/&gt;
:'''Carrie''': ''[which is behind a yeti]'' AAH! AAAH! 
:'''Yeti''': ''[follows Carrie]'' UGH!
:'''Carrie''': '''AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' [a yeti slides upwards on a rock]
:'''Yeti''': '''AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' [grabs onto the Daters’ ice yacht sail] Ooh.
:'''Stephanie''': Are you sure you two aren’t related?
:'''Yeti''': ''[runs, then pushes the ice yacht]''
:'''Ryan''': Thank you.
:'''Jacques''': Josee! What are you going?
:'''Josee''': Shh! Let’s just say the Cadets can’t catch a break.
:'''Jacques''': Huh? I don’t get it!
:'''Josee''': I think it’s you who has a screw loose, come on, let’s get another boat. Goodbye.
:'''Sanders''': Josee! Jacques! Wait! We need help!
:'''Jacques''': Did you hear something?
:'''Josee''': No, I did not.
:'''Sanders''': Help! Allies! I guess they couldn’t hear us.
:'''MacArthur''': Uh, they heard you. They’re just mean.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': '''“Who’s ready to go deep?”''' Uh-oh.
:'''Don''': After losing the race to the moon, Russia decided to try and win a race to the middle of the earth. They stopped drilling at the seven mile mark when they realized no one lose was even going to try. Today, one team member must lower their harness partner all the way to the bottom, and find a ball. Before they cranked all the way back up to their partner. Once they’re back up it’s a foot race to the Chill Zone. Located here at this Russian steam bath. Last team to arrive with ball and hand, Maybe eliminated. I hope they all take their time cause I booked a rejuvenating caviar body scrub.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': That was crazy!
:'''Ryan''': Thanks for not dropping me down the hole like that.
:'''Stephanie''': OK. You know what? You need to stop agreeing with me and go back to being my biggest nightmare!
:'''Ryan''': You’re so right. I need to- wait, what?
:'''Stephanie''': You got me so confused, I can’t even think straight.

===''Darjeel With It [7.23]''===
:'''Josee''': ''[getting a tip from the Don box]'' We're going to Darjeeling, [[w:India|India]].
:'''Don''': Yes, [[w:Darjeeling|Darjeeling]], where the world's finest teas are grown, like assam, nilgiri, and several more I can't pronounce. Teams must fly to [[w:Bagdogra|Bagdogra]], [[w:India|India]], then take taxis here to the mountains of Darjeeling to find this Don box with their next travel tip. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': ''[getting a tip from the Don box while sweating]'' Tea time? Please let it be iced tea.
:'''Don''': Wouldn't that be nice? But no.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emma''': Uh! I hope you like chicken.
:'''Kitty''': You ready on three? One…
:'''Emma''': Two…
:'''Kitty''': Three! ''[the Sisters get attacked]''
:'''Emma''': Wow! Chickens are tough.
:'''Kitty''': I think I swallowed one! ''[spits out a chicken feather]''
:'''Emma''': And we’ve got three more cars to get through! Uh! We’re not gonna make it!
:'''Kitty''': I have an idea: you know how most trains windows have that say '''“KEEP YOUR ARMS IN”'''?
:'''Emma''': Yeah?
:'''Kitty''': Well this one doesn’t, so whatever!
:'''Emma''': This is so unsafe! Let’s get back inside…
:'''Kitty''': Oh, come on, you’ve never take risks!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': What does Don have against us? Are we too talented, too attractive, too all-of-the-above?
:'''Carrie''': Devin! You’re alive!
:'''Devin''': I just hurt my ankle, it’s not bad. ''[gets stepped by a bull]'' Now that’s bad…
:'''Don''': And the Cadets take second! ''[MacArthur raspberries]''
:''[Cadets’ interview]''
:'''MacArthur''': I’d rather take first, but, anyway we beat those Ice for Brains jerks is a good day. Good call, I’m not joining up with them again. Way to lead, partner!
:'''Carrie ''': Are you okay? Anything broken?
:'''Devin''': No, Carrie, I just… Ow!
:'''Carrie''': Good! Gotta get to the carpet! ''[Runs all the way to the carpet carrying Devin]''
:'''Don''': And the Best Friends take third. That leads the Haters, and the Ice Dancers.''[talks to the Ice Dancers]'' How are you feeling about your chances now?
:'''Josee''': Never better…

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Daters got eliminated because they stopped just short of the Chill Zone to reveal that they were dating again, giving enough time for the Ice Dancers' penalty to end and for them to secure fourth place]''
:'''Stephanie''': You had to get romantic then?
:'''Ryan''': What? You kissed me!
:'''Stephanie''': I couldn't help myself. Look at you, you're hotter than the sun.
:'''Ryan''': ''[touched]'' Aw, girl. Stop.
:'''Stephanie''': We didn't win, but we actually did some amazing things as a team, partner.
:'''Ryan''': When things got hot, we took the heat.
:'''Stephanie''': And pushed each other when needed. Which was a lot.
:'''Ryan''': Even carried each other sometimes.
:'''Stephanie''': And when we failed the first time, we tried again.
:'''Ryan''': This experience has made us a better, stronger couple. I know what I want now, and it's Stephanie.
:'''Stephanie''': And I want Ryan. Ryan at 380 pounds max, deadlift.
:'''Ryan''': Hey, whoa, baby. Save that cozy top for when we get home.

===''Last Tango In Buenos Aires [7.24]''===
:'''Emma''': We're going to Argentina.
:'''Kitty''': Auto photo!
:'''Don''': The capital of [[w:Argentina|Argentina]], [[w:Buenos Aires|Buenos Aires]], is a world-class city, famous for its love of fútbol, theater, and delicious red meat. Once teams land, they'll find the Don box at the airport with their next tip. Mm, not bad. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques''': It’s a Botch or Watch! '''“Ride 'em, Gaucho.”'''?
:'''Don''': For this Botch or Watch the team member who didn’t play ring toss in the Arctic gets to ride a horse. And use a traditional badora to tie up their team’s designated emu. Once their emu is wrapped up, they must bring it by taxi to the Chill Sone located here, a top Mount Aconcagua in the Andes. But hurry, the last team to arrive maybe heading home, Back at the academy, the Best Friends aren’t letting a single nosebleed stop them.
:'''Carrie''': Aaah! Ugh!
:'''Devin''': I'm sorry.
:'''Carrie''': Ow!
:'''MacArthur''': Oh, way to hurt your partner!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': Oh, that is it!
:'''Kitty and the Emu''': Aaaah!
:'''Emma''': ''[seeing Kitty slip down a hill]'' Kitty!
:''[cuts to Jacques]''
:'''Jacques''': Ugh! I need something to absorb all this off my hands or I’ll never be able to- ''[puts the oil on his head]'' My hands are dry.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Best Friends got eliminated because Kitty accidentally knocked Devin off a cliff with the Sisters’ emu and severely injured him, making him and Carrie cut from the race]''
:'''Carrie''': Okay, well they sacrifice themselves for us in Vietnam so we choose the Surfers.
:'''Don''': Done! Carrie and Devin good luck with all of that.
:'''Paramedic''': All right, the Surfers are awesome. Sorry, let's go.
:''[the Paramedic take an injured Devin to the helicopter along with his partner Carrie. Brody and Geoff return]''
:'''Don''': The Best Friends are gone, but the Surfers return. 4 teams will vie for the million! Who will win? Keep watching the Ridonculous Race.
:'''Carrie''': It was a super hard race, but you were my hero the whole time.
:'''Devin''': ''[muffled]'' I had a great time.
:'''Carrie''': I had a blast, too.

===''Bahamarama [7.25]''===
:'''Josee''': We're going to The Bahamas.
:'''Don''': The [[w:Bahamas|Bahamas]], known for its pirate history, stunning Caribbean beaches, and flourescent pink flamingos. Once teams land in [[w:Nassau, Bahamas|Nassau]], they'll find this Don box and their next travel tip.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': Ice guys do finish last. BOOM!
:''[Josee becomes extremely furious and starts throwing a tantrum after the Surfer Dudes, Sisters, and Police Cadets all beat her and Jacques to the airport first]''
:'''Jacques''': ''[enraged]'' We are so… '''''SICK OF THOSE CADETS!'''''
:'''Sanders''': ''[laughing about Josee's tantrum during the interview]'' Did you see her face? ''[she and MacArthur both laugh hysterically]''
:'''Don''': All four teams are on the same flight. And once it lands, every move they make will be crucial!
:[Doors Open]
:'''Kitty''': Hurry!
:'''Geoff''': Come on!
:'''MacArthur''': Move it!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': This is insanity, bro! We're heading to the finale in first place!
:'''Brody''': Whoa, we should get, like, a 'most improved award' or something.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques''': Josse, can you hear me?
:[Josee screams]
:'''Emma''': Uh, well her mic deffinately works.
:'''Kitty''': What was that?
:'''Emma''': Just Josee freaking out.
:'''Don''': Three out of the four teams are in the water, but only two of them made it inside the tunnel.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Sisters got eliminated because they were the last team to arrive at the Chill Zone]''
:'''Emma''': This has been the most incredible experience of my life.
:'''Kitty''': Sorry I blew it.
:'''Emma''': Are you kidding? You rocked it! I meant what I said before, Kit. I'm so proud of you.
:'''Kitty''': ''[touched]'' Aww…
:'''Emma''': Hey, I'll take my sister over a million bucks, any day. I've never felt more like a winner than I do right now.
:'''Kitty''': You're gonna call Noah, aren't you?
:'''Emma''': You bet I am.

===''A Million Ways to Lose a Million Dollars [7.26]''===
:'''Don''': Welcome back to the Bahamas. Our finale 3 teams have received their final travel tips, taken water taxis, and have boarded the same plane for one final flight... to [[w:New York City|New York City]], nature's playground for capitalist wolves and jazz-handed Broadway stars alike. It's home to 8.4 million people, and 16.4 million rats. When teams arrive here at [[w:John F. Kennedy International Airport|JFK airport]], they must find this Don box and collect their next tip.
:'''Booger''': The five teams have their travel tips, and booked themselves for a flight to New York City.
:'''Geoff''': Could we win? I'll see why not.
:'''Brody''': We definitely have luck on our side, lucky to get back in the race at all, and make it to the finale?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': It's an All-In. '''&quot;Who's Ready to Face the [[w:Taxi|Traffic?]]&quot;'''
:'''Don''': For this All-In, teams must take on of these Ridonculous taxi cabs and drive themselves all the way here... to the [[w:Empire State Building|Empire State Building]]. One they arrive, teams will have to climb a measly 86 flights of stairs to reach... this observation deck, and collect their next tip, attached to these suitcases, moving one step closer to the final chill zone and the million dollar prize.
:'''Sanders''': '''&quot;Fun fact: Last team to arrive is pretty much doomed. Good luck.&quot;'''
:'''Brody''': The taxi!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brody''': Iron stomach, dude. Piece of cake! ''[opens a banana, then Geoff retches, then he eats the rotten one, then Geoff barfs offscreen]''
:'''Geoff''': Dude! Seriously!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': Let’s bounce!
:'''Josee''': First inside the building, first to the final challenge, first to win the million.
:'''Geoff''': Hey, guys.
:'''Brody''': Hey, what's up?
:'''Josee''': AAAAAAAH!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Ice Dancers are out of the race because they were beaten by the Police Cadets and the Surfers to the mid-point Chill Zone in Central Park]''
:'''Don''': Jacques and Josee… I'm sorry… that it took me so long to say this, you’re cut from the competition! Huh. You're taking this suspiciously well.
:''[Josee finally starts losing her temper as she's about to hurt [[w:Bethesda Terrence and Fountain|Bethesda Terrence]], throw an alligator, and while holding up a hot dog cart up in the air]''
:'''Jacques''': ''[scared]'' Oh, no. JOSEE, STOP! IT'S OVER! We… lost.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Whoever gets here first wins 1,000,000 dollars!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
:[Tennis Rivals' Interview]
:'''Pete''': The Cadets vs. Surfers? Wow, what an exciting finale! ''[snores]''
:'''Gerry''': But what kind of surfers are they again? They're outdoorsy kind or computer kind?
:'''Pete''': And who cares they both stink.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Who is going to win this million dollars?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': ''[last lines]'' Yes, throw all your money on the ground. Very smart. That's all for now! We hope you enjoyed our incredible race around the world. Be sure to keep an eye out for more of ''The Ridonculous Race.''

==Cast==
* Terry McGurrin - Don
* Stephanie Anne Mills - Kitty
* Emilie-Claire Barlow - Ellody and Laurie
* Clé Bennett - Leonard
* Ashley Botting - Jen
* Nicki Burke - Stephanie and Tammy
* Neil Crone - Dwayne
* Stacey DePass - Emma and Crimson
* Carlos Díaz - Lorenzo and Rock
* Jacob Ewaniuk - Junior
* Kristin Fairlie - Carrie
* Darren Frost - Chet
* Katie Griffin - Mary and Miles
* Jeff Geddis - Devin and Tom
* Carter Hayden - Ennui, Noah, and Spud
* David Huband - Gerry
* Julie Lemieux - Josee and Kelly
* Bryn McAuley - Taylor
* Scott McCord - Brody, Jacques, and Owen
* Joseph Motiki - Ryan
* Dan Petronijevic - Geoff
* Evany Rosen - MacArthur
* Lyon Smith - Jay and Mickey
* Nicole Stamp - Sanders
* Adrian Truss - Pete

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian adult animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian adult animated drama TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated drama TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian comedy-drama TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian satirical TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian animated TV spin-offs]]
[[Category:Flash animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Reality TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Teletoon original series]]
[[Category:Total Drama]]</text>
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      <comment>/* Bjorken Telephone [7.05] */</comment>
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----
:'''Seasons:''' [[Total Drama Island|1: ''Island'']] [[Total Drama Action|2: ''Action'']] [[Total Drama World Tour|3: ''World Tour'']] [[Total Drama: Revenge of the Island|4: ''Revenge of the Island'']] [[Total Drama All-Stars and Pahkitew Island|5: ''All-Stars and Pahkitew Island'']] ''[[Total Drama Island (2023)|6: Island (2023)]]''  | [[Total Drama|Main]] | '''Spin-offs:''' ''[[ Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race|The Ridonculous Race]]'' / ''[[ Total DramaRama|DramaRama]]''
----
'''''{{w|Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race}}''''' is a Canadian animated reality television series which lampoons the conventions commonly found in reality television. The series takes place around the world and features pairs of contestants, rather than teams, in the style of the reality series it is parodying.

=Episodes=
===''None Down, Eighteen To Go [7.01-7.02]''===
====''Part 1''====
:'''Don''': ''[first lines]'' This is [[w:Toronto|Toronto]], the capital of North America, birthplace of funk where the Albino panther roams free. 
:'''Albino Panther''': ROAR!
:'''Don''': Beneath my size-13 brogues, 18 teams are arriving at this historic train station ready to embark on a race around the world. I'm your host, Don. And this is ''The Ridonculous Race''!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Not to the death? Okay. Let’s meet the teams that aren’t racing to the death. Carrie and Devin, best friends.
:''[Best Friends' interview]''
:'''Carrie''': I met Devin in the sandbox and we haven't spent a day apart since. If anyone can win this race, it's us.
:'''Devin''': Yeah. I know Carrie so well. It's like we're… ''[noticing his partner's dreamy look]'' Uh, what are you doing?
:'''Carrie''': Oh…uh, link check, for the camera! Whoo-hoo, race!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Emma and Kitty, ''actual'' sisters.
:''[Sisters' interview]''
:'''Emma''': I'm studying international law so, that's gonna give us a real edge. Which is good 'cause, we're here to win.
:'''Kitty''': And to see the world. Meet hot guys, and have some fun.
:'''Emma''': If there's time for that which there won't be so, let's focus on winning, okay? ''[Kitty sighs]'' Good.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': The totally-in-love daters, Stephanie and Ryan.
:''[Daters' interview]''
:'''Ryan''': Stephanie and I met at the gym two months and six days ago, and we've been going steady ever since!
:'''Stephanie''': We're so excited! Neither of us has ever traveled before. There's so much to discover like, what do chocolate protein bars taste like in China?
:'''Ryan''': I was just wondering that!
:'''Stephanie''': No way!
:''[They start kissing and making out]''
:'''Don''': Josee and Jacques, ice dancers.
:''[Ice Dancers' interview]''
:'''Jacques''': We know how to win. We've won gold everywhere!
:'''Josee''': Except…the Olympics. He dropped me so we only got silver.
:'''Jacques''': ''[cries]'' I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! ''[runs off]''
:'''Josee''': Jacques! Silver is his ''least'' favorite color.
:'''Don''': Geoff and Brody, life-long friends and surfer dudes.
:'''Geoff''': ''[chuckles]'' Goin' around the world on someone else's dime. Sweet! ''[to the camera, calling out to Bridgette]'' Hey, Bridgette! Love ya, babe! ''[interview]'' My girl and I did Total Drama, but she's surfing her way around Australia right now. So, boom, entré my bud, Brody!
:'''Brody''': Yeah guy! Bros forever! G and B for the W-I-N!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Lorenzo and Chet, new stepbrothers.
:''[Stepbrothers' interview]''
:'''Lorenzo''': My dad married his mom last year, but we still hate each other. So they're making us do this. Jerks!
:'''Chet''': Don't (you dare) call my mom a jerk, JERK! ''[pushes Lorenzo aside]''
:'''Lorenzo''': Shut your word-hole, JERK! ''[pushes Chet in return but comes back and starts tackling him]''
:'''Don''': Also racing… Tom and Jen. Highly attractive fashion bloggers with impeccable taste. I told you not to let the teams write their own cards.
:''[Fashion Bloggers' interview]''
:'''Jen''': Hey-hey, to all our blog followers out there! Wish us luck!
:'''Tom''': I bet &quot;Jen we could win the race&quot;, but I didn't think she'd ''actually'' take it up on me.
:'''Jen''': I put my mind to something and it happens.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Ellody and Mary, scientific geniuses who say they will use their winnings to support the science community.
:''[Geniuses' interview]''
:'''Ellody''': Astrophysics is underfunded. Reality shows offer monetary prizes. Conundrum solved.
:'''Don''': Leonard and Tammy, dedicated live-action role players… whatever that is.
:''[LARPers' interview]''
:'''Leonard''': ''Pahkitew Island'' was tough. But with Tammy's new spells, huzzah! We'll claim the dragon's eye! That's dwarfish for one million.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Welcome, contestants! This is the starting line for your 26-part race around the world. Each part ends at a Chill Zone. Get there fast, because the last team to stand on the carpet of completion, may be cut from the competition. But the first team to reach our last Chill Zone, will win… $1,000,000!
:''[The contestants all cheer in excitement]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': Hey, who pushed all the buttons?
:'''MacArthur''': Gotta take the stairs.
:'''Sanders''': Or, we could just wait.
:'''MacArthur''': Hustle!
:'''Jen''': ''[shrugs]'' Meh. This'll probably still be faster.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sanders''': Thighs on fire. So…queasy.
:'''MacArthur''': So you're one of those skinny-fat people who can't climb ten flights of stairs without spewing chunks huh? What do you do? Yoga?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': As most of the teams continue to climb or wait… and wait… and wait some more, the Fashion Bloggers are first to reach the observation deck, but the scare might be too much for them.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': ''[enjoying the breezy wind]'' THIS IS SO COOL!
:'''Emma''': Focus! This is life or death.
:'''Kitty''': Come on, look at what we're doing, it's incredible! I feel so alive!
:'''Emma''': Yeah. Make sure they put that quote on your gravestone.
:'''Jen''': Promise me you'll never let go!
:'''Tom''': NEVER! Can you believe people pay to do this?
:'''Laurie''': We're doing this for you, Mother Earth! Don't kill us!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ellody''': Well that was illuminating. ''[interview]'' Based on the splatter, the wind velocity was 45 knots. Twenty more, and we'd be splattered.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Carrie''': Zipline? I always wanted to do that!
:'''Gerry''': Zipline? I never wanted to do that!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': The teams have arrived, and the flights have been booked. Flight #1 will carry Father &amp; Son, Best Friends, Daters, Police Cadets, Ice Dancers, and the Reality TV Pros. Flight #2 carries the Sisters, Vegans, Fashion Bloggers, Mom &amp; Daughter, Rockers, and Geniuses. And flight #3 has the LARPers, Goths, Surfer Dudes, Adversity Twins, Stepbrothers, and Tennis Rivals. Who will win the next jaunt in our race? Tune in next time to find out. ''The Ridonculous Race''…is to be continued!

====''Part 2''====
Twin #1: Sanitizer?
Twin #2: No need. I made a point of not touching anything. Juice?
(Twins Shriek After The Larpers Popped Up.)
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
Stack: ''[on the telephone]'' Your plan won't work, Dr. B! We're not gonna become friends, because Lincoln is a jerk, that's why! Can't you just divorce Mr. And Mrs. Loud?
Lincoln: Hey, is that my mom and dad?
Stack: No. Dr. B!
Lincoln: ''[swipes the telephone out of Stack’s hand]'' DAD, MOM, YOU'VE GOTTA DIVORCE STACK’S DOCTOR!
Stack: (Angrily): QUIET!
:''[Stack The Orange Robot And Lincoln Loud start fighting over the telephone]''
Lincoln: (Angrily): SHUT UP!
Stack: (Angrily): DR. B!
Lincoln: (Angrily): MOM!!! DAD!!! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': [[w:Morocco|Morocco]]. Originally named [[w:Italy|Italy]] until it was discovered there already ''was'' an Italy. Home to scorchingly hot foods, as well as scorchingly hot deserts. Flight number one has just landed. Now the teams need to find the Don box, and collect their next travel tip.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Laurie &amp; Ellody''': Cumin, cinnamon, paprika, saffron, ginger.
:'''Ellody''': That was surprisingly elementary.
:'''Laurie''': I know, right?
:'''Don''': As more teams reach the spice kiosk, flight #3 has finally arrived in Morocco. They'll need to hurry if they hope to catch any of the teams already in search of the culinary.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Vegans' interview]''
:'''Laurie''': Our camel benefit was beautiful. And deserts are really hot. If we win the million, we're a launching a stop riding camels campaign.
:'''Miles''': &quot;Take hikes, not humps.&quot;
:'''Laurie''': Or, we could call it something else.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': I can't take this heat. Someone turn off the sun.
:'''Flain''': Oh man! The heat is so bad!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Miles''': ''[to the LARPers as they pass by; protesting]'' Take hikes, not humps!
:'''Laurie''': Okay, that slogan is really growing on me. ''[interview]'' Miles and I became friends when we (first) met at an anti-meat meeting.
:'''Miles''': When Laurie suggested we just call them &quot;ings&quot; instead of &quot;meetings&quot;, I knew we were gonna get along.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Brody and Mary eat their stew bowls while their partners watch]''
:'''Geoff''': When I first met Brody, he was eating a cat's hairball on a dare. Ha ha. It was pure awesome.
:'''Ellody''': I met Mary at an engineering student's potluck dinner. We both brought pie chart pie. ''[giggles]'' We're quite whimsical.
:'''Geoff''': Ha ha, pies.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Chet is about to retch after seeing Owen eating a camel's drool]''
:'''Lorenzo''': Do ''not'' spit that out, Chet, or we'll lose! ''[interview]'' My dad is a motivational speaker, and has taught me everything there is to know. Swallow! Do it! DO IT!
:'''Chet''': ''[swallows]'' My barf is actually less spicy than the stew.
:''[Crimson, Spud, Emma, and Jay all retch to prevent themselves from vomiting as the LARPers and Vegans arrive]''
:'''Leonard''': We have to eat our own barf?!
:''[A camel pukes on Miles and she ]''
:'''Laurie''': ''[gasps in surprise]'' Real organic camel munch!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Carrie''': NO, i think we're maybe lost. ''[a bird flies in Carrie's hand]'' Aw, (snickers)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lorenzo''': We're done!
:'''Chet''': ''[holding his stomach in pain]'' Oh, I don't feel so good.
:'''Lorenzo''': That’s 'cause you ate puke, puke-eater!
:'''Chet''': You’re a puke-water watcher!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Leonard and Tammy both got eliminated because they stopped to use &quot;magic&quot; to slow down the two remaining pairs but ultimately failed and were the last team to arrive to the Chill Zone]''
:'''Don''': The Ridonculous Race is about skill, it's about determinization. It's not about magic. You're done!
:'''Tammy''': Time reversal spell! ''[throws confetti]''
:'''Don''': Security!

===''French Is An Eiffel Language [7.03]''===
:'''Devin''': ''[reading the tip]'' Aw, sweet! Looks like we're going to Paris!
:'''Carrie''': ''[gasps in surprise; excitedly]'' Oh yeah?
:'''Don''': [[w:Paris|Paris]], [[w:France|France]]. Home of the Mona Lisa, tiny coffee's and other things that annoy me like you wouldn't believe. ''[Cut to him standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower]'' Once in Paris, teams must make their way here, to the [[w:Eiffel Tower|Eiffel Tower]] and find their next tip.  

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Miles''': We walked our camel through the desert yesterday instead of riding him, so that way he can ''stay'' hydrated.
:'''Laurie''': And today, we're ''pedaling'' our moped so we don't use its fuel. ''[gasps in realization]'' I wish there was a way we could give this moped to our camel, right?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Ice Dancers are the first to reach the Eiffel Tower]''
:'''Josee''': Gold medal, whoo! ''[yells in fear as the Police Cadets crash into them from behind]''
:'''MacArthur''': Nailed it! ''[gets a tip from the Don box]'' Huh. It's a Botch or Watch.
:'''Don''': In this Botch or Watch, whoever didn't eat the stew in Morocco must draw a caricature of their partner. When this local French ''artiste'' approves of the drawing, they'll receive their next tip.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': ''[as the local ''artiste'' rejects their caricature]'' What do you mean &quot;no?&quot; She got an &quot;A&quot; in art last semester. ''[the artiste shows him the caricature of him laying down with a six-pack]'' Oh, I see! It's too realistic.
:''[Carrie blushes in embarrassment, not knowing what came over her]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': Emma's always been the serious one, but ever since her boyfriend, Jake, broke up with her two years ago, she's been super-
:'''Emma''': ''[covers her sister's mouth] Fine.'' I've been super fine.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ennui''': This place could be an amusement park or a camp for kids.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': Well, if it isn't the smiling silvertons.
:'''Josee''': ''[kicks the cheese out the way, revealing the next tip, in sign form]'' I hate silver!
:'''Jacques''': ''[reading]'' '''&quot;Take your cheese and sail away to where Mona Lisa's on display.&quot;'''
:'''Sanders''': The Louvre!
:'''Don''': The Louvre-- home to many paintings I was asked to stop touching.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': Bye! You stink worse than this cheese float!
:'''MacArthur''': Too bad you forgot your oars!
:'''Jacques''': Darn it!
:'''Josee''': Jacques, you were supposed to get the oars!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Laurie''': The thought of coming last made us realize that we needed to step up our game.
:'''Miles''': Yeah, we were super charged up.
:'''Gerry''': ''[as the Vegans pedal past him and Pete; surprised]'' How is that possible? We're athletes. They eat bird seeds and dust!
:''[The Vegans are then seen eating bird seeds and dust during their interview]''
:'''Laurie''': Pass the bird seeds.
:'''Miles''': You want some dust on that?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Although it initially seemed like they tied with the Reality TV Pros, the Tennis Rivals got eliminated after Don pointed out that Gerry's foot wasn't fully on the carpet of the Chill Zone]''
:'''Don''': Reality TV Pros, your penalty is up!
:''[The TV Pros and Tennis Rivals jump into the Chill Zone carpet at the same time]''
:'''Gerry''': It's a tie! We all stay!
:'''Don''': Not quite. I'm afraid you're going home.
:'''Pete''': What? Why?!
:'''Don''': Your foot wasn't completely on the carpet, it was just out.

===''Mediterranean Homesick Blues [7.04]''===
:'''Don''': Yesterday's Chill Zone was the Louvre, which is today's starting point. Teams will start in the order they finished, which means Cadets are-- ''[The Ice Dancers walk up instead of the Police Cadets; halts them]'' Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yesterday's winners go first, icecapades.
:'''MacArthur''': Yeah, relax, silver streak!
:'''Sanders''': Wait your turn!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sanders''': ''[takes a tip from the Don box]'' '''&quot;Take the train to Calanque de Maubois on the Mediterranean coast, and search the station for your next travel tip.&quot;''' Let's go!
:'''Don''': ''[voiceover, a map displays the northern part of France with Paris indicated by the Eiffel Tower, a dotted line travels to the southern part of France]'' Teams must take the train south to Calanque de Maubois. Calanque de Maubois skirts the [[w:Mediterranean|Mediterranean]] south of France with sand so fine you WANT it to get in your shorts. The Red Cliffs are just one of the many sites that make this a popular tourist spot. (Cut to the beach; in a speedo) Did I mention that the beaches are awesome? Because they ARE. ''[A crab pulls on his speedo and releases it; yelps in pain]'' 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': Whoo, fun!
:'''Emma''': Stop it. ''[Kitty followers her, cuts to a mime gets carried by a wind while his hat blew off by a going taxi]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lorenzo''': I took the subway, he took a taxi.
:'''Chet''': Can you tell Lorenzo that the time he wasn't with me was the best part of the trip so far?
:'''Lorenzo''': Oh, yeah?! Please tell Chet, that before he was in my life was the ''best'' part of my life so far!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dwayne''': ''[grabs a tip from the Don box]'' It's a Botch or Watch. Whose turn is it?
:'''Junior''': Yours. What's the challenge?
:'''Brody''': ''[reading]'' '''&quot;Who Wants to Swim With…&quot;''' ''[gasps in horror] &lt;big&gt;'''SHARKS?!'''&lt;/big&gt;''
:'''Don''': In this Botch or Watch challenge, whoever didn't draw the caricature in Paris must swim to this part of the Mediterranean, and retrieve a travel tip from the dorsal fin of a great white sh- ''[screams as a shark pops out from the water; shaking his fist]'' Uh… Try that again, and you'll get a taste of this! Huh? Wanna dance with the widow-maker?
:'''Sanders''': '''&quot;Note: Eaten teammates will result in disqualification.&quot;''' Wow, they really thought of everything.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': My grandma used to tell me that if you swim in a shark's mouth, you got to keep on swimming.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Miles''': If we win the money, I'm gonna start a charity dedicated to the preservation of the long misunderstood ocean creatures. ''[pulls the travel tip off the shark's fin; the shark snarls and chases after her as she screams and swims for her life; covered in scratches during her interview]'' I'm ''totally'' scratching sharks off my preservation list.
:''[Laurie gasps in shock over hearing this]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As the Stepbrothers fight over who gets to drive the speedboat]'' 
:'''Lorenzo''': Fine! We'll switch every 12 seconds!
:'''Chet''': One Mississippi, two Mississippi…
:'''Lorenzo''': You're counting too fast!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Geniuses finish writing their calculations on the sand to build a sand sculpture of the Palace of Versailles]''
:'''Ellody''': 373,996 cubic yards, done. Now to build a perfect model with our data. ''[the wave washes over the sand, washing away their calculations]'' OUR DATA!!
:'''Mary''': We'll have to wing it.
:'''Ellody''': I never wing! ''[grips hold on Mary's shoulders; freaking out]'' I DON'T KNOW HOW!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dwayne and Junior arrive at the Chill Zone in Iceland and Don penalizes them for 20 minutes when Dwayne read the travel tip before returning to shore while drowning]''
:'''Dwayne''': ''[takes out his wallet]'' Sure we can work something out here, huh? Hey, you like coupons? 25 cents off the E-Muffins at McDonna's, huh? Ooh, ooh, or free fries with- oh, wait. This one's expired.
:'''Don''': 20-minute penalty.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff and Brody''': Never…say…DIE!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Geniuses got eliminated because spent they too much time planning to build their Palace of Versailles sand sculpture of working on it, to the point that they failed to leave for Iceland by the time the next-furthest team reached the Chill Zone]''
:'''Don''': ''[riding a helicopter, calling to the Geniuses below]'' Ahoy, Geniuses! I'm afraid the other teams have reached the Chill Zone! You are out of the race! I'm in a helicopter! This is so cool! ''[flies off]''
:'''Ellody''': How ironic. Our strength in urban planning was also our downfall.
:'''Mary''': That just proves how flawed this show is. But, we played our part.
:'''Ellody''': I suppose geniuses aren't always as smart as they think.
:''[The Geniuses laugh hysterically while leaving the beach]''
:'''Mary''': You told a joke?
:'''Ellody''': I did.
:'''Mary''': Wonderful.

===''Bjorken Telephone [7.05]''===
:'''Don''': The geysers of [[w:Iceland|Geysirskil]] are part of an active volcano field tucked under a skimpy 20 centimeter layer of selicious center. Whatever that is. Sounds dangerous though. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sanders''': There's the Don box! ''[gets a tip]'' It's an All-In. '''&quot;Broken Icelandic Telephone?&quot;'''
:'''Don''': For this All-In, teams need to hold down the button on this speaker box to hear me say, &quot;Please give me my next travel tip.&quot; in Icelandic, with perfect pronunciation. ''[presses the button; through speaker, in Icelandic language] Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending.'' Then they must run across the geothermal field of hot springs, and repeat the sentence to this Icelandic local. ''[gestures to the swan lady and exclaims in disgust by her dress]'' Sweet sister of ducks, what are you wearing? Say the sentence right, you get the next tip. Say it wrong, and you have to go ''all'' the way back to hear the sentence again.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': ''[in Icelandic] Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending. [the swan lady gives the Ice Dancers their next tip]'' '''&quot;Take the helicopter to Skaftafell National Park, and find the next Don box.&quot;'''
:''[The Ice Dancers board the helicopter while they wait]''
:'''Don''': The Ice Dancers have the lead, but now they'll have to wait. The helicopter will only depart once six teams are aboard.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': ''[shivering while freezing]'' This reminds me of, um, last winter when Shelley locked me out of the car for buying her the wrong kind of tea.
:'''Carrie''': ''[interview]'' He got frost bite and nearly lost three toes over a tea? He deserves better than that. A rabid goat deserves better than that.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jay''': ''[interview]'' Salt water helps Mickey's eczema. Sometimes it gets so bad, his knees look like armadillos.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crimson''': ''[interview after saying the Icelandic sentence correctly]'' Most of our favourite bands are from Iceland, so, yeah, we speak a language.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Stepbrothers fight each other after saying the Icelandic sentence wrong]''
:'''Chet''': ''[scoffs]'' I had the first half of the sentence! ''[shoves Lorenzo] You'' were supposed to remember the second half!
:'''Lorenzo''': ''[shoves Chet in return]'' Other way around, butt stain!
:''[The swan lady local shoves them both in annoyance; Stepbrothers' interview]''
:'''Chet''': That girl is so into me.
:'''Lorenzo''': You wish. She's into me, jerky.
:'''Chet''': As if! You're dreaming!
:'''Lorenzo''': You're the one who needs to wake up!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ryan''': I memorized the first half, Stephanie took the second half.
:'''Stephanie''': We share everything… except french fries. If he ever touches my fries… KA-BLAM!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emma''': ''Vinsamlegast… gefðu…'' Uhh…
:'''Kitty''': ''[finishing up] …mér mina travel ábending.''
:'''Emma''': ''[annoyed]'' You interrupted me and almost ruined our chances.
:'''Kitty''': But I got it right.
:'''Emma''': Yeah, this time you did. Lucky us. Next time you try to help, ''don't'' help.
:'''Kitty''': Okay.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': As most of the teams struggle to finish the geyser challenge alive, the top six have reached the ice caves in Skaftafell National Park where their next challenge awaits.
:'''Jacques''': ''[gets a tip from the Don box]'' It's an Either/Or. '''&quot;Feast or Fossil?&quot;'''
:'''Don''': An Either/Or challenge requires teams to complete one of two tasks. In this case, teams can either dine on a traditional Icelandic feast, or they can find and retrieve one of the intact fossils embedded in the icy walls of this ice cave. Once their chosen task is complete, teams must bring their intact fossil, or empty platter, to the Chill Zone. The last team to arrive ''may'' be out of the race.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Junior''': ''Vinsamlegast gefðu mer…''
:'''Dwayne''': ''…mina travel asdenting. [the swan lady annoyingly slaps him in the face]''
:''[Father &amp; Son's interview; Dwayne is pressing an ice pack on his cheek]''
:'''Junior''': ''[surprised]'' Whoa, what did you say?
:'''Dwayne''': I have no idea. None.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kelly''': ''[in Icelandic] Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending.''
:'''Taylor''': Wow, way to not ruin everything for a change. ''[Kelly takes the tip and runs off to the helicopter, ignoring her]'' Oh, my gosh, Mom, don't sulk. It was a compliment, hello?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': ''[stuffs a feast piece in Brody's mouth during the Either/Or challenge]'' We got this. ''[interview]'' Feels weird to feed Brody like he's a little niblet, but it's a team challenge. The guy is a human trash can. He'll eat anything.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ennui''': I'm so excited. 1st place. Wow. I could pee myself.
:'''Crimson''': ''[briefly looks down]'' You just did.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After Taylor made Kelly go back through the geyser field by herself and repeat the Icelandic sentence, Don penalizes them for one hour when they reach the Chill Zone]''
:'''Don''': You're 7th! But you've earned a one-hour penalty. Please step aside.
:'''Taylor''': Wait, what?
:'''Don''': After getting the Icelandic sentence wrong, you were ''both'' supposed to go back through the geyser field, but only Kelly did.
:'''Taylor''': ''[groans in frustration]'' Way to go, Mom! I sat around waiting for you so long my butt fell asleep, and now we get a penalty? ''You'' ruined my life.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Father &amp; Son, you are the 8th team to arrive.
:'''Dwayne and Junior''': Woo-hoo!
:'''Laurie''': Wait, that's our fossil!
:'''Junior''': I ''knew'' something was wrong.
:'''Dwayne''': ''[sighs and pushes the fossil]'' Fine. Here you go.
:'''Don''': No sharesies. ''[to the Vegans]'' You'll have to try again.
:'''Laurie''': But…
:'''Don''': Don't care.
:'''Laurie''': But…
:'''Don''': Don't care.
:'''Laurie''': But…
:'''Don''': ''[walks off]'' Don't care.
:'''Laurie''': ''[to Dwayne; threateningly enraged] '''THE GODDESS OF KARMA WILL GET YOU FOR THIS!!!''' [interview]'' I don't normally allow myself to experience negative emotions, but I'm sure my brain turns orange right now!
:'''Dwayne''': ''[interview]'' Not the first time I've never been cursed. Luckily, I don't believe it, so I think we're all good.
:'''Miles''': We'll never be able to reiki another fossil in time.
:'''Laurie''': Then we'll have to… ''eat the feast.''
:'''Miles''': ''[horrified]'' WHAT?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[interview]'' Eating that stuff was like, the hardest thing ever. Other than like maths, or getting my driver's license.
:''[Vegans' interview]''
:'''Laurie''': I can't believe I just did that. There are animals inside me right now. And I'm pretty sure they don't want us to come in last.
:'''Miles''': Mine wants out right now. ''[farts and falls off her seat while burping]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Well, my little meat-eating vegans. You are the last team to arrive.
:'''Laurie''': ''[interview; sobs]'' So many animals. I just ate so many animals!
:''[Miles takes out a bucket to puke in]''
:'''Don''': But this is a non-elimination round! You get to stay!
:'''Laurie''': ''[gasps in shock; outraged]: I ate animals for '''''NOTHING?!''''' ''[starts attacking Don angrily]

===''Brazilian Pain Forest [7.06]''===
:'''Don''': Here in Iceland, yesterday's Chill Zone is today's starting line. And yesterday's winners, the Goths are first to get a travel tip.
:'''Ennui''': ''[getting a tip]'' Huh. (We're flying to) [[w:Brazil|Brazil]].
:'''Don''': Sunny, sunny [[w:Brazil|Brazil]]! Home to bossa nova music, makers of fine coffee, and other things that keep me awake at night. Teams will travel here on these chartered planes. The first eight teams take a direct flight, the last seven will arrive two hours later, 'cause they're on the milk run. ''[Animals sounds are heard from the second plane]'' Literally.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': In a stunning reversal, yesterday's winners now look like losers, as plane #2 is in the air, on its way to Brazil.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Laurie''': ''[in turmoil from the previous challenge]'' I ate the sheep's head so we could stay in the game! But the non-elimination meant I didn't have to. ''[breaking down]'' I DIDN'T HAVE TO!
:'''Miles''': ''[slaps her in the face, snapping her out of it]'' Okay, you need to calm down. What happens in Iceland, ''stays'' in Iceland, okay?
:'''Laurie''': ''[sighs as her breath scent almost made Miles retch]'' What? What?!
:'''Miles''': I'm sorry, it's just that… your breath smells like sheep head. ''[sniffs]'' Does anyone have a mint?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': ''[reading the tip]'' It's a Botch or Watch.
:'''Don''': In this Botch or Watch, whoever didn't swim with sharks in the Mediterranean must try and perform a Brazilian write of passage, and stick their hand inside this mitt full of venomous bullet ants to retrieve their next travel tip. ''[throws a chicken piece in the mitt]'' This is insane!
:'''Kitty''': Bullet ants?
:'''Emma''': Little known fact: the pain caused by their venom can last 24 hours.
:'''Kitty''': ''[disappointed]'' Oh, great.
:'''Mickey''': I've been bitten by venomous creatures so often, I've developed an immunity! Last year on a school trip to Seaville, a box jellyfish sat on my head like a hat! ''[He and Jay try to high five but they miss]'' We don't high five much, it's pretty new to us. ''[Jay accidentally smacks him and he bumps into Laurie, causing her face to fall into the mitt and get bitten by the ants]'' I am so sorry!
:'''Laurie''': ''[slurred voice]'' No, no. I-I deserve that. ''[the other teams react in horror at her swollen face]'' What? What's wrong?
:'''Miles''': Um, nothing. ''[takes the tip off Laurie's head]'' Okay. '''&quot;Feeling divine? Then swing your butts to the coconuts.&quot;'''
:'''Don''': ''[swinging across the gorge on a vine, yelling like Tarzan]'' Teams must cross this gorge by any means necessary, and then search for their next tip, hidden in these piles of coconuts.
:'''Laurie''': Sounds good to me. Let's go!
:'''Miles''': Uh, okay, this way!
:'''Lorenzo''': Called it! ''[sticks his hand in the mitt and screams as he gets bitten]''
:'''Chet''': It's my turn to botch! ''[sticks his hand in the mitt and screams as he gets bitten while getting the tip]''
:'''MacArthur''': ''[pushes Mickey out of the way]'' Hey, bullet ants, welcome to the gun show! ''[sticks her hand in the mitt and screams in pain as she gets bitten]'' Aah, they're on my person, they're on my person! ''[runs off with Sanders]''
:''[Mickey walks up to the mitt to stick his hand in and Taylor bolts up in front of him, and groans deadly at him]''
:'''Kitty''': Pst. He was here first. It's his turn.
:'''Taylor''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Fine, but I'm next.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Taylor''': ''[blows the tip off the mitt]'' Doctors say my lung capacity is like so huge they can ever measure with my lung growers or whatever.
:'''Kelly''': When she was 5, she held her breath for seven minutes until we brought her the very expensive Malibu Bonnie doll house she wanted.
:'''Taylor''': It was totally ratchet, I played with it once, and threw it out.
:''[The Vegans swing across the gorge on a vine…]'' 
:'''Laurie''': ''[screams]'' Ah, the wind hurts my face! ''[they slam into the other side of the gorge]'' Now the cliff hurts my face!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rock''': C'mon, guy! You gotta get the tip! ''[Spud sticks his hand in the mitt to get the tip and gets bitten and swollen by the ants, but doesn't scream in pain; Rockers' interview]'' Spud's got a delayed reaction to everything, including pain. So I don't expect him to feel those hundreds of excruciating bites, for like, two hours. Then he'll be all like, &quot;Yow!&quot; and then like, &quot;Oooh!&quot; and then like, &quot;YOW!&quot;
:'''Spud''': Uh, what are you talking about?
:''[Plane #1 carrying the eight teams finally arrives in Brazil]''
:'''Josee''': ''[takes a tip from the Don box]'' Botch or Watch. You're up, Jacques. Get the tip!
:'''Jacques''': ''[sticks his hand in the mitt, and screams in pain as the ants bite him]'' It stings like missing gold in Vancouver if I have a point! ''[interview]'' Arriving late to Brazil means we had to up our performance.
:'''Josee''': Like the way I did in the Olympic Trials.
:'''Jacques''': ''[agreeing]'' Yes, like the way ''we'' did that.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': In this All-In challenge, one team member has to make a headpiece, the other a tail, worthy of walking the parade during Carnival. When this local approves of their handy work, they'll get their next tip.
:'''MacArthur''': Piece of cake. ''[interview]'' I know how to make costumes. I went trick-or-treating as a beat cop for 10 years straight.
:'''Sanders''': Seriously? Every year?
:'''MacArthur''': Well, one time I mixed it up and went as a parole officer, so, yeah.
:'''Don''': The lady cops take the lead, and back at the bullet ants, teams from plane #1 are still botching-or-watching.
:'''Geoff''': ''[after getting both his hands bitten by the ants]'' I pump iron. So, once righty started swelling, I just had to switch to the left. Symmetry is what bodybuilding's all about.
:'''Brody''': Dude, your mitts are ''ripped!''
:'''Kelly''': ''[to her daughter while grabbing onto a vine]'' Hop on, and hold on! '''''DO IT!'''''
:'''Taylor''': Mom, stop. You know screaming makes your neck waddle.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ennui''': ''[getting a tip from the ant mitt and his hand bitten]'' Ow.
:'''Crimson''': Don't be so dramatic.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Miles''': Here's the headpiece. I'll start the tail. ''[interview]'' I'm gonna use some of my winnings to starts a support group called, &quot;the Closet Vegan Society.&quot; For vegans like Laurie who've lost their way.
:'''Laurie''': ''[facing away]'' Hey, I didn't want to eat the meat. I thought I had to.
:'''Miles''': Did you have to lick the plate?
:'''Laurie''': ''[losing her temper]'' I thought what happens in Iceland, ''STAYS'' in Iceland!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': ''[scolding Ryan while they climb up the cliff after falling into the gorge]'' I said, &quot;Let's use a vine, that tree's about to crack!&quot; But did you listen? ''No!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Owen''': ''[after swallowing a coconut in whole]'' It's okay! I got it down.
:'''Noah''': Great. Let's wait eight hours and see if there was a tip in ''that'' one. ''[pokes Owen in the stomach with a stick]''
:'''Owen''': Ow. You got me right in the coconut.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': ''[as the local rejects their second costume]'' It's called being creative!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques''': Tell me again what happened?
:'''Josee''': I told you, a monkey jumped down from a tree, picked up a coconut and threw it at you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goths' interview]''
:'''Crimson''': ''[in her all-pitched-black Carnival costume]'' Bright colors are for people who are trying to make up for the fact that they lead sad, monotonous lives.
:'''Ennui''': Yeah.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Miles''': I had to take control of the team if we had any chance of finishing the challenge today. Laurie could hardly see because those mean ants turned her face into raw meat.
:'''Laurie''': Mmm…
:'''Miles''': Uh, I'm sorry, what was that a yummy sound?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Vegans are the first to reach the Chill Zone]''
:'''Laurie''': Yes! Yes! From last place to first in one day!
:'''Miles''': We deserve it.
:'''Don''': No, you deserve a 30-minute penalty, which you're getting.
:'''Miles''': Why?! We won fair and square!
:'''Don''': Each one of you were supposed to make a component of the costume, but Miles made ''both'' of yours. 
:''[Laurie groans in dismay and Miles mopes in disappointment and they step aside as the Ice Dancers leap onto the carpet]''
:'''Don''': Ice Dancers, you're in 1st place!
:'''Josee''': ''[blows a kiss]'' Yes! In your face, Veg- ''[she and Jacques scream frightfully at Laurie's swollen face]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Due to Laurie's injuries from the bullet ants, Miles made both elements of the costume which broke the instructions of the challenge; The Vegans then got eliminated while facing a 30-minute penalty and by the time it has ended, every other team had surpassed them]''
:'''Don''': ''[to the Vegans]'' Well, tofu break, ladies. You've been cut from the race. Maybe you can get a job at a tempeh agency. Soy long.
:'''Miles''': All our plans for the money. ''[she and Laurie walk away, sadly]''
:'''Don''': Now that the last truly unselfish players have been eliminated, things are gonna get ugly. Next time on ''The Ridonculous Race.''
:'''Miles''': That millions dollars would've helped so many causes.
:'''Laurie''': I know. And I ate meat. ''[weeps]''
:'''Miles''': Your heart was in the right place. Not the one you ate. I mean, '''''your''''' heart, the one inside you. Well, I guess they're both inside you, but I mean the--
:'''Laurie''': Please, stop talking.

===''A Tisket, A Casket, I'm Gonna Blow A Gasket [7.07]''===
:'''Jacques''': ''[getting a tip from the Don box; reading]'' '''&quot;Make your way to Dracula's castle in [[w:Transylvania|Transylvania]]?&quot;'''
:'''Don''': ''[wearing vampire fangs; slurred]'' Transylvania! Transylvania! ''[spits out the teeth]'' [[w:Transylvania|Transylvania]]. Home of majestic mountains, old Saxon architecture, and the birthplace of the heebie-jeebies. Teams must travel here, to this castle, to receive their next tip. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crimson''': Why do I have this strange feeling?
:'''Ennui''': I fear it might be… happiness.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Ryan has voiced some concerns about how &quot;competitive&quot; I've been getting, but we reached an understanding.
:'''Ryan''': ''[clears throat]'' I need to try harder so that Stephanie doesn't feel the need to be constant and lone motivator.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[blows a kiss, hugging him]'' We are ''so'' going to win this.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crimson''': Okay, Dracula was the first goth ever. He was our king. To be here is… I just… I can't. I'm so…
:'''Ennui''': Hey, that was close. You almost got color in your face.
:''[A wolf howls out of nowhere off-screen]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Carrie''': ''[to the Fashion Bloggers]'' So, you do a fashion blog? That is so cool! Which one of you guys started it?
:'''Tom &amp; Jen''': ''[in unison]'' I did.
:'''Tom''': No, I did.
:'''Jen''': I did.
:'''Tom &amp; Jen''': ''[in unison]'' I did. I did!
:''[Fashion Bloggers' interview]''
:'''Jen''': Okay. You typed it up, but it was my idea, so I was the creator and you were more like… a secretary.
:'''Tom''': I'm sorry. What?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ennui''': ''[holding a portrait]'' Doesn't Vlad look striking?
:'''Crimson''': I see the similarities.
:'''Ennui''': Stop. You'll make me blush.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Tom''': I hope there's enough room for your giant head and all your great ideas in there.
:'''Jen''': ''[annoyingly gets in the coffin]'' It'll be nice to have ''you'' carry me for a change.
:'''Tom''': The only change is that this time, you're in a coffin. ''[pushes down the coffin]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Ice Dancers reach the Gymnastic Training Center and get a tip from the Don box]''
:'''Jacques''': It's a Botch or Watch. Ah! Gymnastics!
:'''Don''': Gymnastics. Nastics that take place in a gym. Whoever didn't face the bullet ants in Brazil, must perform two gymnastic feats.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Don penalizes the Goths for ten minutes due to Crimson forcing Ennui to switch places during the coffin challenge]''
:'''Don''': You're in 6th place. Or ''would'' be in 6th place if you hadn't broken the rules with the coffin. 10-minute penalty!
:'''Crimson''': Totally worth it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After finally completed the Botch or Watch, the Transylvanian Goths got eliminated because they were after 13 remaining teams]''
:'''Don''': I'm sorry, you're out.
Crimson: Oh!
:'''Don''': But these are very in. ''[camera zooms out, revealing him wearing a fez hat]''
Ennui: I wouldn't call this a failure in anyway. We so kicked butt.
Crimson: We nearly died so many times on that skywalk, on that geyser field, oh, and on that vine, but we totally did it.
Ennui: Not Good.
Crimson: Doing this race is a huge test to see of how strong your friendship is, and I think we did great.
Ennui: Greater than great.
Crimson: There sure are a lot of… bats, all of a sudden.

===''Hawaiian Honeyruin [7.08]''===
:'''Josee''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;Take a donkey cart to Bucharest and fly to… ''[[w:Hawaii|Hawaii]]!''&quot;'''
:'''Don''': [[w:Hawaii|Hawaii]]! Home of beautiful sunshine, ukeleles, and shirts that should only be worn ironically. Once teams land, they'll need to find this Don box. ''[notices it in Hawaiian-themed; unamused]'' Ha-ha-ha, very funny. Was that you, wardrobe?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chet''': Ugh! This donkey reeks.
:'''Lorenzo''': He said the same thing about you.
:'''Chet''': Pfft, a talking donkey? Yeah, 'cause that's possible.
:'''Lorenzo''': It must be possible. 'Cause you're talking right now. Booyah! Call me when you got a comeback.
:'''Chet''': Lorenzo is a poo-head!
:'''Lorenzo''': Oh yeah? Chet's a tool!
:'''Junior''': How old are those two?
:'''Dwayne''': Ah, never mind them. Some people just don't appreciate quality family time, eh, right, sporto?
:'''Junior''': Uh, yeah, mm, sure, dad.
:'''Taylor''': You're ''so'' lucky you got to bring your dad.
:'''Dwayne''': Oh, I'm the lucky one. I bet doing this trip with your mom is pretty awesome too though, right?
:'''Taylor''': Not really.
:'''Kelly''': Taylor's more of a… daddy's girl.
:'''Taylor''': Daddy and I have loads in common. Like, we both love being successful, and we both hate avocado.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emma''': While trying to encourage Kitty to drive into the bay, I brought up the pool to our grandmother's condominium.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ennui''': Leaving Romania is tough. But leaving Romania to go to a tropical paradise full of sunshine and happiness? ''[he and Crimson both sigh in dismay]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': OPEN YOUR EYES! Our donkey is going way slower than the other ones, it wants us to lose! ''[interview]'' I'm not too competitive.
:'''Ryan''': ''[clears throat]'' Yes, you are.
:'''Stephanie''': Are you okay, sugar-plum? I just wanna win, and this ''is'' a competition. So, yeah, ''[gets up]'' when things get tense, we can't hold back! ''[walks closer to the camera, inch-by-inch]'' We gotta dig deep, work hard, give it everything!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kitty''': ''[getting a tip from the Don box]'' It's a Botch or Watch. '''&quot;Whoever didn't do gymnastics in Romania has to go diving for wedding rings?&quot;'''
:'''Don''': In this challenge, botchers must dive into Hawaii's most popular wedding bay and retrieve one of the rings from the bottom.
:'''Owen''': ''[reading]'' '''&quot;Then swim to the beach at the tip of the bay to meet your partner.&quot;'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Josee''': ''[screeching to a stop, realizing something]'' Something doesn't feel right. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no! Bun-bun! Where's Bun-bun?!
:'''Jacques''': It's okay. We don't need a rabbit's foot. Like you said about my underpants, it's just a silly superstition.
:'''Josee''': Okay, take off your lucky ditch, then. ''[Jacques runs off]'' That's what I thought!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': Geoff, Brody, congratulations. You're today's winners!
:'''Geoff''': Awesome!
:'''Brody''': Yes!
:'''Geoff''': I love you, man!
:'''Brody''': I'd marry you all over again.
:'''Don''': I love weddings.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': Carrie, Devin, congrats, you're in 2nd place! Jacques, Josee, you've come in… 3rd.
:'''Josee''': No, not again! Bronze, it's the worst medal. The road of shame is paved with bronze.
:'''Ennui''': ''[as Crimson makes her Hawaiian grass skirt all dark black]'' She only wears black. Even if it's grass, it ''must'' be dark grass.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': ''[to the Goths when they reach the Chill Zone]'' 10th... ''[then to the Rockers]'' 11th... ''[to Mom and Daughter]'' 12th place.
:'''Kelly''': Well, honey. It wasn't pretty, but--
:'''Taylor''': You need to step your game up, mother! For serious!
:'''Kelly''': We're a team, Taylor.
:'''Taylor''': I know you aren't used to winning, like me. But maybe you need to follow my example more, because--
:'''Kelly''': ''[snapping annoyingly]'' You've ''never'' won anything in your life, Taylor! Never! Not one race, not one medal, ''NOTHING!''
:'''Taylor''': Wait, what?! My room is ''full'' of trophies and medals!
:'''Kelly''': Because your dad ''bought'' a trophy store! What kind of trophies come in the mail? And guess who paid your coaches to lie? Yep, daddy.
:'''Taylor''': Beauty pageants. I won beauty pageants! You can't fake those!
:'''Kelly''': ''[chuckles smugly]'' Oh, honey. When you have enough cash, you can fake anything.
:''[Taylor gasps in horror]''
:'''Don''': The coals were hot, but that was cold.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After finally completing the challenge, the Daters now become Haters as they're the last team to show up at the Chill Zone, though Don pointed out that it's a non-elimination round]''
:'''Don''': Ryan, Stephanie, I'm sorry. You are the last to arrive.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[devastated] NOOOOOOOO!!!''
:'''Ryan''': We're eliminated? ''[sets Stephanie down]'' Great. 'Cause Steph, you're eliminated from ''this. [flexes]''
:'''Stephanie''': '''''You're''''' breaking up with ''me?'' On national television?
:'''Don''': International, actually.

===''Hello and Dubai [7.09]''===
:'''Don''': Or as it's more commonly known… [[w:Dubai|Dubai]]! An oasis of luxury, man-made islands, and a mall so big, even teenagers get lost. Once here, teams must bus to [[w:Burj Al Arab|Burj Al Arab]], the world's only 7-star hotel, to find the next Don box. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Seriously? You're giving ''me'' the silent treatment? Oh, ho, ho, two can play that game. I'm the Queen of Silent Treatment. I've got a whole bag of quiet to drop on you.
:'''Ryan''': Pfft, I look forward to it.
:'''Stephanie''': You just wait, mister.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques''': One time, I was late picking up Josee from practice, her mom attacked me with a lamp.
:'''Josee''': I don't miss that lamp.
:'''Jacques''': Or her mom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dwayne''': One time Junior made pancakes for Mother’s Day and I said they’re overdone, he almost cried.
:'''Kelly''': I had the exact same thing happened with Taylor. Except I was the one making pancakes for her, and she threw them at me, and the pan. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mickey''': H-h-how much longer is this flight?!
:'''Taylor''': We're still on the ground, you babies!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': Forged from lava, this stone embodies my fiery determination to win! ''(laughs evilly)''
:'''Jacques''': You mean ''&quot;our&quot;'' determination to win?
:'''Josee''': Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sure.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emma''': ''[gets a tip from the Don box, reading]'' '''&quot;Find the Chill Zone in the Gold Souk.&quot;''' The what?!
:'''Don''': The Gold Souk. Just a normal plaza where everything is made of gold. To reach the Chill Zone inside this shop, teams must travel here in taxis… some of which are gold, literally. ''[a man passes by, eating a golden ice cream]'' They really like their gold here!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kelly''': ''[tired out]'' There. All done.
:'''Taylor''': Took long enough. ''[looks down and notices some bird poop on her boot; disgusted]'' EW! There's bird poop on my boot! Ugh. ''[wipes it off on her mother's sleeve]'' There. Totes better.
:'''Kelly''': ''[gasps in shock; sharped with anger]'' Do ''not'' treat me like a doormat!
:'''Taylor''': You were all sweaty and gross, anyway. Why should we both suffer? ''[Kelly pushes a lever, hoisting her up in midair, giving her a time-out; screams]'' Don't just stand there like an old mannequin, help me!
:'''Kelly''': No. I'm giving you a time-out.
:'''Taylor''': You can't do that, I'm your daughter.
:'''Kelly''': Well, that's how it works. I won't help until you apologize.
:'''Taylor''': You're in for a ''long'' wait.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': ''[as the Ice Dancers approach the Chill Zone]'' Welcome to the Chill Zone. You've come in 3rd, again. ''[Jacques and Josee gasp in shock]'' Kidding! The twins got here way before you.
:'''Jay''': Me and Mickey took one of the non-gold cabs. They're a lot faster.
:'''Jacques''': You mean we're… '''''4TH?!''''' We didn't make the podium at all?!
:'''Don''': What podium? There ''is'' no podium.
:'''Josee''': There is ''always'' a podium!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Kelly and Taylor got eliminated because they went shopping in the Dubai mall long enough for the Best Friends to check into the Chill Zone before them]''
:'''Don''': Kelly, Taylor, you're last to arrive, you're out of the race.
:'''Kelly''': Oh, I guess we should’ve checked in before shopping!
:'''Taylor''': Meh, it was fun while it lasted.
:'''Kelly''': I hope I never touch another camel, but I loved Paris. I can't believe how good your drawing was.
:'''Taylor''': I know, so good. I can't believe your upper body strength. I need to see your trainer like, yesterday.
:'''Kelly''': You know, it's funny. We entered this race to win more money. But we ended up getting something we ''actually'' needed.
:'''Taylor''': Speaking of which, if we're gonna shop more, I'll need you to double my allowance.
:'''Kelly''': Oh, Taylor, I'm canceling your allowance.
:'''Taylor''': Wait. What?

===''New Beijinging [7.10]''===
:'''Kitty''': '''&quot;Find your next tip at the world famous Bird's Nest Stadium.&quot;''' Never heard of it.
:'''Don''': Well, it's right here, in [[w:Beijing|Beijing]], [[w:China|China]]! Home to 25,000,000 people. Oddly enough, we see none of them.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Carrie''': We live together? ''[squeals in excitement]',

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': Jump time! You ready?
:'''Noah''': Hey, how hard can it be?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Carrie''': Uh, I'm not sure if I can-- ''[about to barf]''
:'''Devin''': I-It's okay. Relax. I'll eat it. You just skewer up some worms and-- ''[Carrie runs off and vomits]'' I can't even say worms? ''[Carrie vomits again; interview]'' When we were kids, her sister dared her to eat… ''[covers Carrie's ears; quietly]'' a worm. ''[normally]'' She did it, and then she barfed for six days straight.
:'''Carrie''': ''[holding a bucket to throw up in]'' Were you talking about…worms?
:'''Devin''': Yes? ''[Carrie throws up in the bucket]'' Yeah, I walked into that one.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ryan''': Cooking up something disgusting for someone you love is so hot. But when it comes to not in love… ''[looks down at Stephanie]'' Man, is it fun?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Spud''': My mom calls me a light eater, which means that I start eating as soon as the lights are on.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': How are you feeling?
:'''Jacques''': I can't feel my face!
:'''Josee''': Good. ''[feeds the street food to Jacques to eat it]'' Done! We're in first place! ''[gets the tip]'' It's a Botch or Watch, '''&quot;Who ever didn't look for rings in Hawaii…&quot;'''
:'''Don''': Must pull their teammate by rickshaw all the way here, to the [[w:Great Wall of China|Great Wall of China]]. Using only their unimentally map. Last team to find the Chill Zone hidden somewhere along the wall and check in, could be checking out.
:'''Jacques''': ''Orivwa!''
:'''MacArthur''': Hussle!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Ha! Your lame cooking couldn't slow me down.
:'''Ryan''': Whoo, baby! Cockroach breath! ''[chuckles]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Noah''': ''[panting]'' Hot! Hot! Hot!
:'''Emma''': I know it's a race, but don't be gross!
:'''Noah''': ''[mouth full]'' Sorry! Ah… I'm so sorry.
:''[Emma runs off and barfs in Carrie's bucket]''
:'''Carrie''': That's my bucket!
:'''Kitty''': ''[to Noah]'' Dude, you are so bad at this.
:''[Noah sighs depressingly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings for each other. You're in first place, congratulations!
:'''Stephanie''': Whoo, we did it!
:'''Ryan''': Yes! Alright!
:'''Emma''': How's your hand?
:'''Noah''': It's fine. ''[holds up his swollen hand]'' This one not so much.
:'''Emma''': Oh, it's horrible! Come here.

===''I Love Ridonc And Roll [7.11]''===
:'''Don''': Last episode's Chill Zone sits atop the Great Wall of China. That makes it today's starting point. And last episode's winners are the first team to grab a tip.
:'''Ryan''': ''[takes a tip from the Don box and Stephanie swipes it out of his hand]'' You gonna tell me what it says?
:'''Stephanie''': You gonna let me read it? ''[interview]'' We can't quit now. The prize money's like our children. We're staying together for the kids.
:'''Ryan''': I heard they're changing our name from the Daters to the Haters.
:'''Stephanie''': Hey, go for it. My hate for him won us the last round, so today, I plan to hate him even more.
:'''Ryan''': I couldn't hate her more if I tried. They might as well just give us the money right now.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[reading]'' '''&quot;Fly to [[w:Oulu|Oulu]], [[w:Finland|Finland]].&quot;'''
:'''Owen and MacArthur''': [[w:Finland|Finland]]?
:'''Don''': [[w:Finland|Finland]]. This European country is home to countless coffee drinkers, cellphone users, and the most saunas per capita, which is where the teams are headed. Here, to this Don box of the piping hot sauna's Apena Pilei Spa. Why suffer in the cold…when you can suffer in the heat?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Noah''': ''[grabs and reads a tip]'' '''&quot;All-In: Finish Spa Day. Teams have to sit the dry sauna…&quot;'''
:'''Owen''': Awesome!
:'''Noah''': '''&quot;…fully clothed at the highest heat for 10 minutes.&quot;'''
:'''Owen''': ''[with his shirt off and puts his pants back on; chuckles uncomfortably]'' Less awesome.
:'''Don''': Each spa hut has just enough room for two teams, and the 10-minute timer doesn't start until both teams have crammed inside.
:'''Noah''': '''&quot;After the sauna, collect a tip from the next Don box by crossing the semi-frozen river.&quot;'''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rock''': Almost time to jet.
:'''Spud''': Uh, sweet. 'Cause this heat is getting to me. It looks like those two are melting.
:'''Rock''': Dude, relax. They're totally not-- whoa! Those two are melting!
:''[Crimson and Ennui look at each other and gasp in horror, noticing their makeup is melting]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Crimson and Ennui reach the other side of the semi-frozen river, and scream horrifyingly at each other, and their reflections, as their makeup has been washed off]''
:'''Ennui''': My face!
:'''Crimson''': Don't look at me!
:''[During their interview, they're wearing paper bags over their heads]''
:'''Ennui''': We've only been dating for three years, so naturally, we've never seen each other ''un-gothed.''
:'''Crimson''': I feel like a dead body that washed up on shore, but in a bad way.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Reality TV Pros, Sisters, and Adversity Twins arrive at the stage in downtown Oulu]''
:'''Owen''': ''[stepping out of the taxi]'' Cool! I wonder who's playing.
:'''Noah''': ''[grabs a tip from the Don box]'' Uh, ''we'' are.
:'''Mickey''': It's a Botch or Watch.
:'''Emma''': '''&quot;Teams must battle it out in Finland's national sport, air guitar.&quot;''' Psh, air guitar? For real?!
:'''Don''': For ''very'' real. Performances will be judged by this applause meter. Get the crowd into a maximum frenzy, and teams can rock on over here to today's Chill Zone. Bottom out, and it's back to the end of the line to try, try again.
:'''Kitty''': '''&quot;Whoever didn't pull the rickshaw in Beijing must perform here.&quot;'''
:'''Noah''': Uh-oh.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': Crimson? Wow! Your skin is so flesh-colored.
:'''Carrie''': I love your hair.
:'''Crimson''': You're throwing a lot of positive emotions my way, and I don't know what to do with that.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eunni''': Step aside. We're here to rock.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': We're allowed to fart? Why didn't anyone tell me?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Adversity Twins got eliminated because they didn't make it to the Chill Zone before 11 remaining teams]''
:'''Don''': Twins, you've raced hard and overcame a lot of issues no one has ever heard of, but I'm sorry. You're out.
:'''Jay''': We gathered that. We didn't win, but I'm proud of us. Our doctor said we'd last a week, our physiotherapist said a day, our gym teacher just laughed and laughed.

===''My Way Or Zimbabwe [7.12]''===
:'''Spud''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;Go to Helsinki Airport and catch the next flight to Zimbabwe?&quot;'''
:'''Don''': Located in southwestern Africa, [[w:Zimbabwe|Zimbabwe]] has stunning flora, exotic fauna, and majestic scenery. Once teams land, they have to drive here… to [[w:Victoria Falls|Victoria Falls]], which is nearly twice the height of Niagara Falls. Hear that, North America? Your waterfalls are getting owned!  

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Taxi! Taxi!
:'''Ryan''': I can do this without your help.
:'''Stephanie''': Can you really?
:''[Daters'/Haters' interview]''
:'''Ryan''': There isn't much we agree on anymore.
:'''Stephanie''': I agree with that.
:'''Ryan''': Pfft, yeah, right. You're just trying to make me look dumb.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': Jacques is mad at me.
:'''Jacques''': I'd like an apology.
:'''Josee''': Why should I apologize? Obviously, I didn't know it was bad luck when I took it from the island. Ugh! 
:'''Jacques''': Apology accepted.
:'''Josee''': Thank you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dwayne''': Africa. Wowzers! I've always wanted to go on a safari.
:'''Junior''': Yeah, this is seriously cool. I just wanna get up and see if--
:'''Dwayne''': Ah, ah, ah, you stay on that keister mister. Seats are for sitting.
:''[Father and Son's interview]''
:'''Junior''': My dad still treats me like I'm 5. But I'm practically a man. Check out my chest hair.
:'''Dwayne''': Where?
:'''Junior''': Right there! I-I mean, it's blonde, so, you know, it's hard to see in this light.
:'''Dwayne''': Uh huh.
:'''Junior''': It's there, trust me! ''[walks away angrily]''
:'''Dwayne''': ''[chuckles]'' Kids.
:'''Junior''': I am not a kid!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Daters/Haters try to drive pass the Police Cadets but they keep blocking their way]''
:'''MacArthur''': Why aren't you two making out anymore, huh? Got tired of the… ''[makes kissing noises]''
:'''Sanders''': Okay, that's really distracting. Just sit there and navigate.
:'''MacArthur''': It's a little something I like to call strategy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': You drive like a chicken-headed little girl! ''[imitates chicken noises]''

{{line}}
:'''Jacques''': ''[opens the door]'' You need to fly this thing faster!
:'''Pilot''': You’re not allowed in here!
:'''Josee''': Uh, do you know who we are?
:'''Pilot''': Aren’t you those figure skaters who lost the gold at the Olympics?
:'''Jacques''': JUST FLY FASTER!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Get in the boat.
:'''Ryan''': Let me finish my apple.
:'''Stephanie''': Get…in…'''THE BOAT!'''
:'''Ryan''': You wouldn't.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Junior''': ''[humming a tune while laying back as another raft bumps in from behind, thinking it's his dad]'' I knew you were going to catch up-- ''[realizes it's the Daters/Haters instead]'' Oh. Uh, hey.
:'''Ryan''': What's up, kid? Where's your dad?
:'''Junior''': We got separated. And the family rule is, if you get separated, go to your destination. Uh, do you mind if I tag along?
:'''Ryan''': Oh-ho-ho. You don't wanna get in this boat. Stephanie might hit you with an oar and shove you off a cliff! 
:'''Stephanie''': Are you ''still'' talking about that? &quot;Ryan, Ryan, Ryan!&quot; Get over it.
:'''Junior''': How did you guys manage to get a selfie? ''[Stephanie tosses him their camera]'' Wow. That's impressive.
:'''Stephanie''': Ha! You hear that? Impressive!
:'''Ryan''': He doesn't know any better. He's just a child.
:'''Junior''': Actually, I've got a chest hair, so…
:'''Stephanie''': So he's already more of a man than you, Ryan.
:'''Don''': While most of the other teams have already started the rhino challenge, our last place Ice Dancers have finally landed in Africa.
:'''Josee''': Out of our way, sky waitress! We're in a race!
:''[Meanwhile…]''
:'''Stephanie''': Well, I only boss you around because you have no leadership skills, guts, or common sense.
:'''Junior''': So, uh, thanks for the lift.
:'''Ryan''': Please, I saved us from elimination ''way'' more often than you have.
:'''Junior''': Uh, but I should go…
:'''Stephanie''': Are you insane?!
:'''Ryan''': I must be. I was dating you!
:'''Junior''': Maybe find my dad…
:'''Stephanie''': Why do you have to remind me? I'd already blocked that out!
:'''Junior''': Anyway, you're not listening, so… ''[runs off alone leaving the Haters to continue their argument]'' Good luck… With everything. I don't like to judge, but those two ''probably'' shouldn't have kids. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Photos check out. 1st place to the Police Cadets, 2nd to the Surfer Dudes! ''[both teams cheer; inspects the photos; to Geoff]'' Geoff, one question: How do you keep your hat on while plunging over the world's highest falls?
:'''Geoff''': ''[interview]'' White Stallion Glue. Will hold, mold, and won't cost you gold.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques and Josee''': ''[run and scream in terror]''
:'''Jacques''': I love rhinos! I love rhinos!
:'''Dwayne''': Junior! Oh, Buddy am I happy to see you. I’m sorry we didn’t finish the challenge, pal, but I- I couldn’t take pictures. I just have to find you!
:'''Junior''': Who said we didn’t finish?
:'''Don''': 10th place.
:'''Jacques and Josee''': Rhinos are my friend!
:'''Dwayne''': So proud of you. Now, we just need to make sure your mom never sees this episode, ever.
:'''Junior''': Alright, dad. That’s enough.
:'''Josee''': ''[pants]'' And stay down.
:'''Don''': Jacques and Josee!
:'''Jacques''': We know.
:'''Josee''': 11th, last, eliminated!

===''Shawshank Ridonc-Tion [7.13]''===
:'''Sanders''': We're going to Australia! Yes!
:'''Don''': [[w:Australia|Australia]], home to the unique [[w:Sydney Opera House|Sydney Opera  House]], [[w:Ayers Rock|Ayers Rock]], and disturbingly cute koalas.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': The purple was too friendly. The black screams, &quot;Get out of our way!&quot;
:'''Jacques''': And wash us with similar colors.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Attention, teams. This is a boomerang. Find one attached to your travel tip and you can use it at the next Don box to send another team ''back'' to repeat the last challenge.
:'''Josee''': I ''want'' one!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;Stop in at Geelong maximum security.&quot;'''
:'''Don''': Geelong Prison closed in 1991. But during its 146 years of operation, it was the most brutal and violent lockup on Earth. Now it's an extreme travel hot spot! As teams arrive, they'll be throw into cells. Each cell is equipped with four methods of escape: tunnels, trap doors, hidden tools, or bars. Once they break out of their cell, they're free to make their way to today's final Don box, here on the Barwon river. Boomerangs can only be used here. After they pass this point, the boomerang expires. And, as a special bonus treat…
:'''Junior''': ''[reading]'' '''&quot;First team to today's Chill Zone gets to make a phone call home.&quot;''' Cool, we can call Mom.
:'''Dwayne''': Or better yet, order a pizza. ''[Junior points to the camera; clears throat]'' Eh, b-but of course, you know, I'm joking. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emma''': Number one or number two?
:'''Owen''': Two! But it had the consistency of…
:'''Stepbrothers''': ''[farther up ahead]'' Number one!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': Hey, once you're up there, if you double-cross us, I'll make you pay.
:'''Jacques''': Pfft. You don't scare me.
:'''MacArthur''': ''[pulls him down and grabs him by the collar; threateningly]'' I'll break your limbs, tie you into a knot, and throw you off a cliff.
:'''Jacques''': Okay, that actually does scare me.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As the Best Friends are first to reach the Chill Zone, Devin calls Shelley, who she then dumps him, leaving him heartbroken and upset]''
:'''Devin''': Shelley? Oh. Thanks, Ashton. Ashton's her tennis instructor, he's just getting her now. Shelley! Hi! It's me, Devin. I miss you so much… Whoa, whoa, what? No! We never broke up. Y-You're dating who?! Ashton?! No! Please, Shelley, don't! Wait! ''[Shelley hangs up and Don takes the phone away from him]'' No, no, I need to call her back!
:'''Don''': Sorry, one phone call only. So, how's the girlfriend?
:'''Devin''': ''[devastated]'' She's dumped me… for her tennis instructor! ''[starts sobbing hysterically]''
:'''Don''': Whoa, the tennis instructor? That never happens.
:'''Carrie''': Maybe I should tell him now? Or, I'll wait for him to stop sobbing.

===''Down and Outback [7.14]''===
:'''Rock''': Let’s save this farm, Whoohoo!
:'''Sanders''': Ah, yeah. 
:''[teams step on cabbages]''
:'''Noah''': Aw!
:'''Brody''': Here, albino, bino, bino! Don’t worry, bud, well get those rabbits.
:'''Jacques''': Lapin! ''[gets attacked]'' Aaah! A little help?
:'''Josee''': Not now, I’m busy clearing. ''[MacArthur stares at her]'' They boomeranged us.
:'''Jacques''': We boomeranged them.
:'''Josee''': I want revenge!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Don congratulating Josee and Jacques on skill and good sportsmanship]''
:'''Ice Dancers''': What?
:'''Don''': Kidding. Your win is highly suspect. I just don't care enough to look into it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Spud''': One day, Rock's mom will kill him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Stepbrothers got eliminated because they lost to the Rockers in the race to the Chill Zone after their glider was destroyed by a kangaroo and they got buried in an avalanche. Don even remembered that the leg was a double elimination round, and thus the Rockers also got eliminated]''
:'''Don''': But, before we wrap up, I have a special announcement to make. Today's episode…is a double-elimination round! The Rockers are ''also'' going home!
:'''Rock''': WHAT?!
:'''Spud''': Aw, man. Drag.
:''[The Stepbrothers both laugh]''
:'''Rock''': ''[imitating buzzer]'' Why'd you waste time reviewing footage if you were just gonna boot both of us?
:'''Don''': Because I forgot, obviously.
:'''Rock''': Getting kicked off was lame, but I'm proud of Spud. At first, I was all, &quot;Dude!&quot; And then I was all, &quot;''[gasps]'' No way!&quot; And then I was like, '''&quot;WHAT?!&quot;'''
:'''Spud''': Thanks, dude. Maybe we'll win this thing.
:'''Rock''': We just lost.
:'''Spud''': Oh, yeah, right.
:'''Rock''': I really coulda use the million.
:'''Chet''': You guys wanna come over and play ''Rock Storm'' on our Gamebox?
:'''Rockers''': Yes!
:'''Lorenzo''': Nice!
:'''Chet''': Sweet.

===''Maori Or Less [7.15]''===
:'''Don''': Teams must climb a dangerously steep path to this train station, then take an historic ride through [[w:New Zealand|New Zealand]]'s lush mountains all the way up to Decision Junction, where their next tips are waiting.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Trains number one leadas with the Haters, Goths and Ice Dancers.
:'''Junior''': Ah, puss buckets!
:'''Dwayne''': Language, Mister!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Reality TV Schmos… I mean Pros, i’m afraid you’re last, it’s time to go. Is what I would’ve said if this were an elimination round, but it isn’t. Congratulations, guys, you’re still in the game.

===''Little Bull on the Prairie [7.16]''===
:'''Josee''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;Go to Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump.&quot;'''
:'''Jacques''': Huh? Buffalo? Is that a place or a threat?
:'''Don''': It's actually a little of both. It's located here, along the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in [[w:Alberta|Alberta]], [[w:Canada|Canada]]. Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump was going to be called Concussion Valley, but the name was already taken. Teams must fly to Lethbridge, Alberta, then drive to this spot to receive their next travel tip. 
:'''Devin''': ''[gets the tip]'' Yes! Let's do this! I had a few um… minor outbursts in New Zealand.
:'''Carrie''': Oh, you weren’t that bad.
:'''Devin'''m Don't worry, the rage has left the Devin. I’m not angry at Shelly for dumping me anymore, infact, I want you back, baby, and I’ll do anything to prove it! I’ll climb to the top of the tree!
:''[Devin climbs all the way up into that tree]''
:'''Carrie''': And hello to stage three of breaking up, desperation. ''[Devin falls from a tree, Devin groans]'' Yeah, this is gonna be great.
:'''Geoff''': Dude! We're going to a dude ranch!
:'''Brody''': And we are dudes!
:'''Geoff''': We can't lose! It's an us ranch! ''[high-fives with Brody]''
:''[Ryan gets the tip]''
:'''Stephanie''': Dudes at a dude ranch, that's fair.
:'''Ryan''': Maybe the next Challange, will be for something you're good at, like complaining.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[interview]'' I am not a complainer! How dare you call me that?! You never listen, and your short is so ugly it hirts my eyes.
:'''Ryan''': Yeah, you don't complain at all.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': You’ll have to get out there and patch her up ASAP.
:'''Sanders''': You’re not gonna stop first?
:'''MacArthur''': Agh, new plan! ''[drives faster to crash into a red vehicle making the Ice Dancers scream in terror]'' BOOYA!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': ''[getting the tip]'' It's an All-In. '''&quot;Tip Your Hat, Split Your Jeans, and Eat Like a Cowboy by All Means.&quot;'''
:'''Don''': Working together, teammates must eat an ''entire'' pot of pork and beans. At the bottom of the pot, they'll find their next travel tip.
:'''Geoff''': Whoa!
:'''Brody''': My fave food to nosh on is ''totally'' pork and beans, dude!
:'''Geoff''': I can scarf most things. Brody's got an iron stomach with the taste buds of a dude that doesn't have any taste buds. We're golden.
:''[The Daters/Haters enter the restaurant and see the Surfer Dudes already chowing down]''
:'''Stephanie''': See? Dude advantage. But we're in 2nd, so all's not lost.
:'''Ryan''': Only our love for each other. ''[he and Stephanie high five]''
:'''Stephanie''': Exactly. ''[looking down into the pot; horrified]'' Beans? Beans?! BEANS?! I'm not usually a picky eater, but beans are the grossest food on the planet and should never be consumed by human beings, ever. That's it.
:'''Ryan''': ''[clears throat]'' Chicken.
:'''Stephanie''': What was that?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crimson''': ''[interview]'' This place reminds me of my grandmother's farm house. I've spent a lot of summers there.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': ''[reading the tip]'' It's a Random Botch. '''&quot;Whoever isn't holding the tip, has to ride the mechanical bull.&quot;'''
:'''Brody''': There's a mechanical bull?!
:'''Don''': The Bull Buster 3000, the most dangerous mechanical bull in the world.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': A disgusting amount of pork and beans? FOR FREE?! WOHOOOO! ''[hogs it all for herself, Sanders tries to scoop some]'' Get your own pot!
:''[Cadets' interview]''
:'''Sanders''': Someone has a bit of a sharing problem.
:'''MacArthur''': You're right, and I forgive you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Owen''': ''[feeding Noah pork and beans]'' Here's the Choo-choo train! ''[continues eating]''
:'''Emma''': ''[looking at Noah still looking depressed while eating]'' Maybe it's just a coincidence he, you know, went into a state of shock and despair, the moment I broke up with him. ''[to her sister]'' Can you just agree with me at least?
:''[Kitty sighs]''
:'''Don''': While the rest of out teams choke down pork and beans, our current leaders are trying not to choke!
:'''Geoff''': Brod man’s not doing so good. But no one else is even trying the Bull yet, but we’re still golden. ''[gets pushed by Brody]''
:'''Ryan''': Come on, babe. You can do this. You're stronger and scarier than anyone I know. Take a deep breath. ''[Stephanie breathes heavily]'' That's it. Just… ''[Stepahnie drops the spoon and starts gagging; sighs]'' You know what? Maybe you can't do it. Maybe you're not as strong as I thought. You're not a winner at all. But a… ''LOSER!''
:'''Stephanie''': ''[gasps in shock over hearing that, picks up the spoon, and scarfs some beans]'' I… am not… a loser!
:''[Interview]''
:'''Ryan''': As a certified trainer, I know how to motivate people who lack confidence.
:'''Stepahnie''': ''[pressing her hands on her stomach, trying to hold in her vomit]'' I'm confident. These beans aren't gonna stay down, ugh, much longer. ''[vomits]''
:'''Owen''': ''[hears his stomach rumbling]'' Uh oh! Beaks are shifting! Haha… ''[forms a big fart as a window crashes]''
:'''MacArthur''': ''[interview; impressed as Sanders wears a gas mask]'' Man, can that guy airbrush his boxers?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': There. I did it.
:'''Ryan''': Excellent. Now, grab the tip.
:'''Stephanie''': Why don't ''you'' grab the tip?
:'''Brody''': ''[pained]'' I wish I could've taken the tip, and you'd be the one ridding the bull.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emma''': That would make me feel terrible! This is the part where you pretend it’s possible!
:'''Don''': It’s down to three teams in a race for failure of the day. ''[Dwayne goes over the Bull Buster 3000, Junior slaps his head, Jacques gets ready to ride the bull]''
:'''Jacques''': Ah! Ah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah-

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Junior''': ''[hugging his father as they're eliminated]'' Thanks for this, Dad. I really appreciate it.
:'''Dwayne''': Oh, I can't be too obsessed. The race has really changed Junior and me. My son's going home a man.
:'''Junior''': And thanks to his new tattoo, my dad is going home a woman. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Dwayne''': Yeah, I'm gonna grow a beard.
:'''Junior''': Probably for the best.
:'''Dwayne''': Hey, you wanna go home and binge-watch ''Total Drama Pahkitew Island?''
:'''Junior''': Only if we can laugh until soda squirts out your nose.
:'''Dwayne''': Of course we can, son. Of course we can.

===''Lord of The Ring Toss [7.17]''===
:'''Geoff''': Cool, we're flying to the Arctic Circle!
:'''Brody''': Awesome! Circles are my favorite shape, dude!
:'''Don''': The [[w:Arctic Circle|Arctic Circle]], home to the world's harshest climate, whitest animals, and favorite storybook characters. Teams must fly here by Cessna, two teams per flight, to get their next tip. And they'll be chilled to the bone to find out there's another boomerang in play. Find this attached to your tip, and you can make another team repeat the first challenge. Just our way of adding some, &quot;Oh, that's cold.&quot; to the cold. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Second doesn't win a million bucks. We've only been first once because you keep dragging us down!
:'''Ryan''': Me? You're the one that wouldn't eat any beans.
:'''Stephanie''': Whoa, whoa! Look who's playing the blame game!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Best Friends' interview]''
:'''Carrie''': You know, the Goths really kicked butt in Alberta. Think we should try to form an alliance with them?
:'''Devin''': Alliances are just invitations to get stabbed in the back. You can never really know anyone. As soon as you think you do, wham! They rip your heart from your chest and they eat it.
:'''Carrie''': Okay, so… is that a no?
:''[Goths' interview]''
:'''Crimson''': You were so friendly with the Besties. You practically smiled.
:'''Ennui''': They're survivors, like us. I felt a kinship.
:'''Crimson''': Do we try to form an alliance?
:'''Both''': No.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Daters/Haters and Surfer Dudes reach the Don box when they arrive in the Arctic Circle]''
:'''Brody''': Oh, it's a Botch-or-Watch! I rode the bull in Alberta, so this one is you!
:'''Geoff''': ''[reading]'' '''&quot;Find a ring somewhere hidden in the snow and toss one onto a narwhal.&quot;''' Ah, narwhal, ha.
:'''Brody''': So what's a narwhal?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ryan''': ''[after successfully tossing a ring onto a narwhal's tusk]'' Yes! I put us into first place!
:'''Stephanie''': Can we go now or do you want to stay and build a statue of yourself? ''[interview]'' Every time Ryan finally manages to do something right, the whole world has to drop everything so we can all ''celebrate'' his &quot;major achievement.&quot;
:'''Ryan''': You know what? You're a joy-vampire. You… ''[imitates blood-sucking]'' suck the joy right out of everything! If I had a time machine, I'd go back to our first date, and slap myself.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ennui''': ''[interview]'' When did Devin get so… ''cool?''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Ugh. Pull over and let me do this. You drive like an old lady.
:'''Ryan''': ''[exasperated]'' Can you please stop insulting everything I do?
:'''Stephanie''': ''[mocking Ryan]'' &quot;Can you please stop insulting everything I do?&quot;
:'''Ryan''': Real mature.
:'''Stephanie''': &quot;Real mature.&quot;
:'''Ryan''': ''[mimicking Stephanie]'' &quot;Pull over, and let me drive.&quot;
:'''Stephanie''': I do ''not'' sound like that.
:'''Ryan''': &quot;I do ''not'' sound like that.&quot;
:'''Stephanie''': Stop it!
:'''Ryan''': &quot;Stop it!&quot;
:'''Stephanie''': Ugh!
:'''Ryan''': &quot;Ugh!&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ryan''': Great. Now the Goths are ahead of us! Way to blow our lead! Why can't you do something right for a change and use the boomerang?
:'''Stephanie''': I boomerang Ryan!
:'''Ryan''': ''[shocked]'' WHAT?! We're on the same team!
:'''Crimson''': ''[interview]'' It's sad when love turns to poison. ''[she and Ennui hold hands]'' That's nice.
:'''Don''': ''[going through the rule book]'' The rules don't say anything about being unable to boomerang themselves. So I'll allow it. But since it's a Botch-or-Watch, this time, Stephanie has to ring the narwhal.
:'''Stephanie''': Great. Now I can show Ryan how stupid easy it is to put a hoop on a giant fish.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': I used to hate mammals. But this narwhal is pretty cool.
:'''Sanders''': Uh, we're mammals.
:'''MacArthur''': I know.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': It doesn't fit. Stop waisting time!
:'''Ryan''': We'd be finished already if you hadn't boomerang…
:'''Stephanie''': Are you ''still'' talking about that? Ugh! Ancient history.
:'''Ryan''': If we don't finish this igloo, ''we'll'' be ancient history. ''[interview]'' If we end up being eliminated after everything that happened-- the fighting, the break-up, the boomerang, I'm not sure our relationship will survive it.
:'''Stephanie''': I know.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': You need to cut faster!
:'''Ryan''': ''[cutting fast]'' I'm going as fast as I can!
:'''Stephanie''': Put those perfectly sculpted muscles of yours to work!
:'''Ryan''': Stop yelling your beautiful flawless face-off at me. Here.
:'''Stephanie''': Thank you. I need three more blocks to finish the baby's room.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Ryan, Stephanie, you're the last team to arrive. Sending you home is… exactly what I do if this weren’t an elimination round! But it’s not! You’re safe! ''[The Hater/Daters sigh]''
:'''Ryan''': I’m so happy right now. I want ready to go home. I.. still have some feelings for Stephanie.
:'''Stephanie''': I also have feelings for Ryan. And we are a good team it was this competition that broke us up.
:'''Ryan''': Totally! If we win some place where there was no stress, hardship, or challenges, I think we’d be happy.
:'''Stephanie''': And together forever.
:'''Ryan''': I forgive you for boomeranging us.
:'''Stephanie''': Forgive me? Haha. Do you know how many times you’ve almost gotten us eliminated?
:'''Ryan''': Even if that were true which it isn’t, at least i’d never heard out team on purpose.
:'''Stephanie''': No, you just heard us for beating bad at everything.
:'''Ryan''': Ugh! You’re impossible!
:'''Don''': ''[pops up]'' The hate is back on The Ridonculous Race.

===''Got Venom? [7.18]''===
:'''Stephanie''': Did I boomerang my ''own'' team? Yes. But it was Ryan's fault.
:'''Ryan''': ''[monotonously]'' Yes, Stephanie.
:'''Stephanie''': You had it coming!
:'''Ryan''': Yes, Stephanie.
:'''Stephanie''': Mr. I'm-King-of-the-Ring-Toss.
:'''Ryan''': Yes, Stephanie. ''[Stephanie screams in irritation and storms out of the interview room]'' I finally figured out how to one-up Stephanie… just agree with everything.
:'''Brody''': We're flying to…Flores, Indonesia.
:'''Geoff''': ''[shudders]'' I hope it's warm there.
:'''Don''': Oh, it is. [[w:Flores|Flores]], [[w:Indonesia|Indonesia]] is packed with beautiful empty beaches, majestic mountain ranges, and ominously silent jungles. Teams must fly to Flores, then take taxis to the Don box in this village. How do the locals keep tourists away from this island paradise? Nobody knows. But, it might have something to do with the Komodo dragon problem. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': It's an All-In. '''&quot;How to Milk Your Dragon.&quot;''' Whoa. We have to do what?
:'''Don''': That's right. Just when you thought these beasts were harmless, it turns out their saliva is loaded with '''''venom.''''' Teams must collect one vial of Komodo drool, and hand it to this kid to get their next tip. ''[screams as a Komodo dragon pops up next to him]'' That said, try not to get bitten. In case you do, side effects may include: headache, dizziness, and being eaten by a Komodo dragon.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brody''': Boo-yah! One cup of doom drool!
:'''Don''': Hold on. ''[swipes the vial out of Brody's hand and examines it]'' This is extinguisher foam! ''[throws the vial aside]'' Try pulling another fast one like that, and you're out of the race! ''[threateningly points to the Surfer Dudes]'' Got it?
:'''Brody''': ''[frightfully]'' Who could've replaced our venom with extinguisher foam?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Loki stands on a tree branch and throws acorns at a Komodo dragon, waking it up; the dragon tries to catch Loki and holds onto the tree and starts drooling; the Goths put a bucket next to the dragon to collect its drool, and stand behind a bush]''
:'''Ennui''': That's it, drool.
:'''Crimson''': ''[interview]'' Loki doesn't know fear. ''[the dragon smells her and Ennui's deodorant, and runs away]'' Yes. Smell your defeat.
:''[Ennui fills up the vial of Komodo drool from the bucket; the Ice Dancers pop out of the bushes watching them]''
:'''Josee''': That is one B-A-D (bad) bunny.
:'''Jacques''': Well, that plan backfired. And much faster this time.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': ''[holding onto a tree]'' Help! 
:'''Ryan''': ''[going through a magazine]'' Yes, Stephanie.
:'''Stephanie''': Was this your plan?
:'''Ryan''': Yes, Stephanie.
:'''Stephanie''': Get a giant lizard to eat me?! ''[screams in unbridled rage and snaps a branch stick off the tree and uses it to bash the Komodo dragon in the head rapidly; Ryan gasps; points the tree branch stick at him, threatningly]'' Scoop some drool, or you're next.
:'''Ryan''': ''[scoffs]'' I'm not afraid of Steph, or her dumb stick. And I don't need her to tell me what to do.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[chasing after him]'' Hurry up, drool boy! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': The Goths take 1st place!
:'''Josee''': What?! Silver ''again?!'' This race is fixed! ''[screaming angrily while swaying their loom rug back and forth, hitting Jacques by accident; interview]'' I can't believe those pasty-faced freaks took gold! Oh, I bet they're just ''LOVING'' it! 
:'''Crimson''': ''[interview]'' We won.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Noah''': We're gonna be in last place. 
:'''Owen''': Oh, no. Chewy's drooling in his sleep. ''[gets Komodo drool in his eye]'' THE VENOM'S IN MY EYE! ''[farts, waking up the dragon; the dragon coughs and runs away; interview]'' Oh. I guess farting ''is'' a side effect of Komodo venom.
:'''Noah''': No, it isn't.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brody''': Just to be clear, I'm a trained professional in all things extreme. Never try that at home, kids. But if you're in a forest, totally do it! Komodo trapping rules!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Reality TV Pros got eliminated because Noah became buried in a pile of rugs, and Owen was unable to find him in time before the remaining teams reached the Chill Zone due to having venom in his eye. For an medical emergency, they must get a previously eliminated team to replace it for eight to win]''
:'''Owen''': As reality shows go, that got as real as reality shows ''get.''
:'''Noah''': Before it started, I didn't have a girlfriend and now I do, so, it's an easy favorite.
:'''Owen''': I mean, the million would've been nice, but winning isn't everything. Also, I already won a million.
:'''Noah''': And I'm dating a lawyer. So I'll never have to work again.
:'''Owen''': Oh-ho-ho. I'm sure Emma's gonna love to hear that. What reality show should we do next?
:'''Noah''': Didn't I tell you? We've been asked to do the next season of-- ''[static]''

===''Dude Buggies [7.19]''===
:'''Crimson''': We're going to Las Vegas.
:'''Don''': Located in [[w:Nevada|Nevada]], [[w:United States|USA]], Las Vegas is famous for its bright lights, bold entertainment, and very, very bad judgment.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques''': Oh, Josee! Are you losing it?! They're goths, not vampires.
:'''Josee''': Are they, Jacques? Are they?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Daters/Haters step up to start the magic challenge]''
:'''Ryan''': All right, what do we do?
:'''Stephanie''': So, the assistant goes into one side of the cage, the lion is in the other. The cage gets covered, and the magician pulls the lever to the correct position to drop the divider and the lion off the stage. That way the assistant doesn't get mauled. Let's go. I'll be the magician.
:'''Ryan''': Nah, nah. The girl is always the assistant, the man is the magician.
:'''Stephanie''': You better hope that dress can fit over your thick head.
:'''Ryan''': Aw, come on, Steph, be reasonable.
:'''Stephanie''': Says the guy who dumped me on television.
:'''Ryan''': ''[dismayed]'' Crud.
:'''Don''': As the Cadets and Sisters race to the Don Box to choose an Either-Or, Best Friends, Carrie and Devin lose valuable ground.
:'''Carrie''': Man, this cad is so slow…
:'''Devin''': Hey driver, the next cactus, turn west…
:'''Green driver''': ''[thumbs up]'' Hmm…

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': Which one of us should drive?
:'''Emma''': You're better at video games than me, but can you handle it?
:'''Kitty''': I think so. ''[interview]'' I used to be obsessed with video games. One time, I played &quot;Hockey All Stars&quot; for two days straight. I would've kept going, but Emma unplugged my game station and refused to give it back until I took a shower.
:'''Emma''': She smelled like a bag of wet popcorn. Ugh.
:'''Kitty''': Not my finest hour.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Ice Dancers' interview]''
:'''Jacques''': I have no problem being the assistant here. When we skate, I'm always the magician.
:'''Josee''': Eh, say what?
:'''Jacques''': I lift you, carry you, twirl you around, ha. All you need to do is smile and not fall down.
:'''Josee''': Wow. I hope I do this trick right. I'd hate to watch you get EATEN BY A LION! ''[gets up in Jacques' face, angrily]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': Would you get in the cage already?
:'''Ryan''': ''[grunting]'' Dumb door! Too small!
:'''Stephanie''': Ugh, come on! Suck it in! ''[pushes Ryan in the cage, his dress rips off; points and laughs at his underwear]'' Nice undies!
:'''Ryan''': Hey, don't look at my butt.
:'''Stephanie''': You wish I'd look at your butt. Now get in there! ''[slams the cage door shut closed]''
:'''Ryan''': OW!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': ''[as the Goths are again the first team to step on the carpet; spits out water, shouting]'' HOW IS ANYONE THAT QUIET?! ''[breaths deeply]'' Congrats on coming in first again. Can we hang some bells around their necks or something? Haters, you're in second place.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brody''': Let's do that again!
:'''Geoff''': Dude.
:'''Brody''': Duuude!
:'''Geoff''': Duuuuuude.
:'''Brody''': ''[Beat, sighs]'' Good point…

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': I can't believe the goths came in first again! I knew I should've used this!
:'''Jacques''': They're not vampires! Agh! At least we didn't finish last, and I got to keep the outfit. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Carrie''': Did we make it?
:'''Don''': Yes.
:'''Carrie''': Alright!
:'''Don''': In last place.
:'''Devin''': Oh. Carrie, I am so sorry. It's totally my fault, and I realized something.
:'''Don''': Did you realize this is a non-elimination round?

===''El Bunny Supremo [7.20]''===
:'''Don''': We’re beck in sunny Nevada where the un-sunny goths are preparing today’s first tip.
:'''Crimson''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;It's time to go to Mexico. ''Olé.&quot;'''''
:'''Don''': I think you mean… ''¡OLÉ!'' Yes, there's plenty to get excited about in beautiful [[w:Mexico|Mexico]], where the sun is hot and so is the salsa. ''[A fly buzzes and salsa erupts]'' Teams must take a form of local transit known as &quot;the chicken bus&quot; all the way here to the beautiful cliffs of [[w:Acapulco|Acapulco]] to receive their next challenge. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Daters/Haters, Best Friends, and Police Cadets get their tips from the Don box]''
:'''Stephanie''': It's an All-In.
:'''Carrie''': '''&quot;Who Loves Peppers…&quot;'''
:'''Sanders''': '''&quot;…and Who Loves Dip?&quot;'''
:'''Don''': For this All-In, a team member must eat one hot pepper from this food cart. Once eaten, wave the corresponding flag color. Then the second team member must act like an Acapulco cliff diver. Eat the hottest pepper, and your partner leaps from the lowest ledge, there. Eat a mid-range pepper, and your partner jumps from there. But eat the mildest pepper, and your partner is basically jumping from the space station. Cliff jumpers will find their next tip, attached to canteens, anchored along the bottom of the bay.
:'''Carrie''': '''&quot;The canteens are filled with just enough cold milk to soothe the pepper-eater's burning mouth.&quot;'''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': Back at the academy, I pepper-sprayed all my meals to build up in immunity to it. ''[eats a handful of hottest peppers]'' So eating the hottest pepper is easy-peasy. ''[as a single sound effect and more sound effects rise]'' SANDERS, JUMP! I NEED MILK!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ryan''': ''[calling out]'' STEPHANIE, I'M BEGGING YOU! EAT THE MIDDLE ONE!
:'''Stephanie''': Can't hear you! You must be above the atmosphere or something. ''[eats the mildest pepper]'' Huh. Not bad. ''[waves the flag]'' Okay, jump!
:'''Ryan''': Aw, man, are you serious? She couldn't even eat the middle pepper?! I thought we were good! Come on!
:'''Stephanie''': We may be on better terms, but the man still dumped me on TV. If I can make him suffer a little, I will.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': ''[takes a medium pepper from the cart after recovering from the heat enough]'' Okay. We can do this, for Carrie.
:'''Carrie''': Okay, uh, not so bad, Olympic divers do it. They're sure they trained first as they don't die doing it, but still...
:'''Devin''': ''[screaming in pain]'' Fire! Am I on fire?!
:'''Carrie''': Devin! Kitty, is he okay?!
:'''Kitty''': You may wanna start climbing! ''[eats the medium pepper]''
:'''Emma''': ''[calling out]'' Doing great, Kitty!
:'''Kitty''': ''[screaming as the medium pepper burns her]'' HOT, HOT! Oh, ho! IT BURNS! ''[waves the green flag]'' JUMP!!!
:'''Emma''': Nice work, Kit! ''[jumps off the cliff and into the bay below]''
:'''Devin''': This is nothing. I can… ''[eats the medium pepper and ends up spitting it out and screams]''
:'''Carrie''': Devin, just eat the mild one. ''[sighs]'' Looks like I'm going to the top.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Ennui reaches shore with the canteen and tip]''
:'''Crimson''': Thanks. ''[notices Ennui looking upset]'' What's wrong?
:'''Ennui''': Nothing.
:'''Crimson''': But you look so emotional.
:'''Ennui''': Loki's gone. ''[interview]'' Once, Santa brought me a black kitten. I named him Toxic Mold. One day, he slipped out the door and never came back.
:'''Crimson''': No bunny gets left behind.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': Wait. Was Carrie holding hands with Ryan?! Was she? ''[accidentally rubs pepper juice in his eyes, causing him to be fully blind]'' AAAH! Pepper juice! MY EYES!!!
:''[Interview]''
:'''Carrie''': &quot;Holding hands?&quot; I was just helping Ryan jump.
:'''Devin''': Oh, of course you were. You were just being &quot;helpful&quot;. Sometimes too helpful. But we should focus on the million.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Sanders reaches the Chill Zone herself while her partner tries waking up her burro]''
:'''Don''': Um, you seem to be shy one loud, aggressive partner.
:''[The Ice Dancers show up]''
:'''Jacques''': Ah! There's only ''one'' cop. They don't win! 
:'''Don''': Not yet. But unless one of you coughs up two burros, I'll have to give you a 10-minute penalty.
:'''Jacques and Josee''': NO!
:'''Sanders''': ''[victoriously]'' Yes! ''[calling out to her partner as the Ice Dancers are penalized for ten minutes]'' Hurry, MacArthur! You've got 10!
:'''MacArthur''': Okay, donkey. ''WAKE UP!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Goths got eliminated because The Ice Dancers kidnapped Loki, causing them to stop competing in order to look for him; and after they found him, they were beaten by the Surfers to the Chill Zone]''
:'''Crimson''': I'm glad we went to Transylvania.
:'''Ennui''': And Finland. That was epic.
:'''Crimson''': We could always go back to Vegas I guess, if we need the money. I hope the Ice Dancers get what they deserve.
:'''Ennui''': I hope they get worse than that.
:'''Crimson''': I love it when you get vengeful.
:'''Ennui''': I know.

===''Ca-Noodling [7.21]''===
:''[Josee and Jacques are proud of how they managed to get the Goths eliminated]''
:'''Sanders''': From now on, we stay in the winners circle by any means necessary.
:'''MacArthur''': Does this mean I get-
:'''Sanders''': No, you cannot taser anyone.
:'''MacArthur''': Aw. ''[Ice Dancers’ interview]''
:'''Josee''': Second place. Again!
:'''Jacques''': But at least I got another team eliminated.
:'''Josee''': That's true. We did. It's like we won a gold medal in treachery!
:'''Sanders''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;Travel to Cần Thơ, Vietnam.&quot;'''
:'''Don''': [[w:Cần Thơ|Cần Thơ]] is not only a great name for a movie villain, it's also the largest city in [[w:Vietnam|Vietnam]]'s thriving [[w:Mekong Delta|Mekong Delta]]. Teams will find their next tip here, along the [[w:Mekong|Mekong River]], where the fish are plentiful, ugh, and pungent. Get that thing away from me! ''[more characters getting travel tips]''
:'''Devin''': Uhh! It says- here! You read, I’ll get us a cab! Taxi!
:'''Carrie''': Uh, wrong way!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Devin''': Turns out, I'm violently allergic to hot peppers, especially when rubbed into my eyes, so, yeah, my vision's kinda off. But don't tell Carrie. I'm trying impress her, you know, lay the land for when I tell her I like like her.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brody''': I once babysit my sister's pet that was somehow eaten by a crocodile.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques''': I compare noodling catfish to massaging my grandma's feet, which I don't like.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Surfer Dudes got eliminated after Devin and Carrie beaten them to the Chill Zone as thanks for alerting them to the Don Box in the tunnels, making them come in last]''
:'''Carrie''': Devin nearly costs us the race today. What is up with him? It’s like the long per we’re in this thin, the less I know him. I want to million with my best friend, not some total stranger. But! I’ll take the million either way.
:'''Geoff''': Well! Here we are dude.
:'''Brody''': Hit us with those negative vibes.
:'''Don''': Hey, Hey, Hey! Quite the long faces! Your’e not out of the race yet.
:'''Brody''': Wow!
:'''Geoff''': [gasps]
:'''Don''': Now you’re out!
:'''Brody''': No!
:'''Geoff''': Aw.
:'''Don''': See what I did there? That's TV fishing. Gave ya some line and a little hope and then yanked it away! It's gonna look great and all this explaining will be edited out. Cool, huh?
:'''Geoff''': Bummer, dude...
:'''Don''': Some people just don't get show business.
:'''Brody''': MacArthur! You have to go on without me!
:'''MacArthur''': Cool beans will do.

===''How Deep Is Your Love? [7.22]''===
:'''Sanders''': ''[reading the tip]'' '''&quot;Catch a flight to Siberia.&quot;'''
:'''Don''': [[w:Siberia|Siberia]]! This massive province of [[w:Russia|Russia]] is home to the Siberian tiger, Siberian husky, and probably anything else prefaced with Siberian. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sanders''': This alliance is not a friendship.
:'''MacArthur''': Got that right. It's just an agreement to work with people we hate.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': My dad would always pressure me into winning and coming first.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ryan''': Whenever we had an argument, my dad will gratuitously agree with my mom until she calms down or leaves.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pilot''': ''[over PA]'' Welcome, uhh, aboard, everyone, huh. We're going to be, um... closing the... uh... cabin doors, any uhh... second now. For the taking off.
:'''Josee''': ''[irately impatient]'' '''JUST CLOSE THE DOORS ALREADY!!!''' ''[plane cabin doors slam close; sighs in relief]''
:'''Kitty''': Woo-hoo!
:'''Carrie''': That was too close!
:''[Josse screams infuriated]'' 
:'''Don''': All the teams are off! Some happier than others.
:'''Josee''': Now we're all on the same flight, and it's all because of that pilot!
:'''Jacques''': Why? Because he, uhh, spoke, uhh- ''[Josee punches him in the shoulder, getting him to stop talking]'' Ow!

&lt;hr width=''50%''/&gt;
:'''Carrie''': ''[which is behind a yeti]'' AAH! AAAH! 
:'''Yeti''': ''[follows Carrie]'' UGH!
:'''Carrie''': '''AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' [a yeti slides upwards on a rock]
:'''Yeti''': '''AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' [grabs onto the Daters’ ice yacht sail] Ooh.
:'''Stephanie''': Are you sure you two aren’t related?
:'''Yeti''': ''[runs, then pushes the ice yacht]''
:'''Ryan''': Thank you.
:'''Jacques''': Josee! What are you going?
:'''Josee''': Shh! Let’s just say the Cadets can’t catch a break.
:'''Jacques''': Huh? I don’t get it!
:'''Josee''': I think it’s you who has a screw loose, come on, let’s get another boat. Goodbye.
:'''Sanders''': Josee! Jacques! Wait! We need help!
:'''Jacques''': Did you hear something?
:'''Josee''': No, I did not.
:'''Sanders''': Help! Allies! I guess they couldn’t hear us.
:'''MacArthur''': Uh, they heard you. They’re just mean.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': '''“Who’s ready to go deep?”''' Uh-oh.
:'''Don''': After losing the race to the moon, Russia decided to try and win a race to the middle of the earth. They stopped drilling at the seven mile mark when they realized no one lose was even going to try. Today, one team member must lower their harness partner all the way to the bottom, and find a ball. Before they cranked all the way back up to their partner. Once they’re back up it’s a foot race to the Chill Zone. Located here at this Russian steam bath. Last team to arrive with ball and hand, Maybe eliminated. I hope they all take their time cause I booked a rejuvenating caviar body scrub.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': That was crazy!
:'''Ryan''': Thanks for not dropping me down the hole like that.
:'''Stephanie''': OK. You know what? You need to stop agreeing with me and go back to being my biggest nightmare!
:'''Ryan''': You’re so right. I need to- wait, what?
:'''Stephanie''': You got me so confused, I can’t even think straight.

===''Darjeel With It [7.23]''===
:'''Josee''': ''[getting a tip from the Don box]'' We're going to Darjeeling, [[w:India|India]].
:'''Don''': Yes, [[w:Darjeeling|Darjeeling]], where the world's finest teas are grown, like assam, nilgiri, and several more I can't pronounce. Teams must fly to [[w:Bagdogra|Bagdogra]], [[w:India|India]], then take taxis here to the mountains of Darjeeling to find this Don box with their next travel tip. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': ''[getting a tip from the Don box while sweating]'' Tea time? Please let it be iced tea.
:'''Don''': Wouldn't that be nice? But no.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emma''': Uh! I hope you like chicken.
:'''Kitty''': You ready on three? One…
:'''Emma''': Two…
:'''Kitty''': Three! ''[the Sisters get attacked]''
:'''Emma''': Wow! Chickens are tough.
:'''Kitty''': I think I swallowed one! ''[spits out a chicken feather]''
:'''Emma''': And we’ve got three more cars to get through! Uh! We’re not gonna make it!
:'''Kitty''': I have an idea: you know how most trains windows have that say '''“KEEP YOUR ARMS IN”'''?
:'''Emma''': Yeah?
:'''Kitty''': Well this one doesn’t, so whatever!
:'''Emma''': This is so unsafe! Let’s get back inside…
:'''Kitty''': Oh, come on, you’ve never take risks!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Josee''': What does Don have against us? Are we too talented, too attractive, too all-of-the-above?
:'''Carrie''': Devin! You’re alive!
:'''Devin''': I just hurt my ankle, it’s not bad. ''[gets stepped by a bull]'' Now that’s bad…
:'''Don''': And the Cadets take second! ''[MacArthur raspberries]''
:''[Cadets’ interview]''
:'''MacArthur''': I’d rather take first, but, anyway we beat those Ice for Brains jerks is a good day. Good call, I’m not joining up with them again. Way to lead, partner!
:'''Carrie ''': Are you okay? Anything broken?
:'''Devin''': No, Carrie, I just… Ow!
:'''Carrie''': Good! Gotta get to the carpet! ''[Runs all the way to the carpet carrying Devin]''
:'''Don''': And the Best Friends take third. That leads the Haters, and the Ice Dancers.''[talks to the Ice Dancers]'' How are you feeling about your chances now?
:'''Josee''': Never better…

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Daters got eliminated because they stopped just short of the Chill Zone to reveal that they were dating again, giving enough time for the Ice Dancers' penalty to end and for them to secure fourth place]''
:'''Stephanie''': You had to get romantic then?
:'''Ryan''': What? You kissed me!
:'''Stephanie''': I couldn't help myself. Look at you, you're hotter than the sun.
:'''Ryan''': ''[touched]'' Aw, girl. Stop.
:'''Stephanie''': We didn't win, but we actually did some amazing things as a team, partner.
:'''Ryan''': When things got hot, we took the heat.
:'''Stephanie''': And pushed each other when needed. Which was a lot.
:'''Ryan''': Even carried each other sometimes.
:'''Stephanie''': And when we failed the first time, we tried again.
:'''Ryan''': This experience has made us a better, stronger couple. I know what I want now, and it's Stephanie.
:'''Stephanie''': And I want Ryan. Ryan at 380 pounds max, deadlift.
:'''Ryan''': Hey, whoa, baby. Save that cozy top for when we get home.

===''Last Tango In Buenos Aires [7.24]''===
:'''Emma''': We're going to Argentina.
:'''Kitty''': Auto photo!
:'''Don''': The capital of [[w:Argentina|Argentina]], [[w:Buenos Aires|Buenos Aires]], is a world-class city, famous for its love of fútbol, theater, and delicious red meat. Once teams land, they'll find the Don box at the airport with their next tip. Mm, not bad. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques''': It’s a Botch or Watch! '''“Ride 'em, Gaucho.”'''?
:'''Don''': For this Botch or Watch the team member who didn’t play ring toss in the Arctic gets to ride a horse. And use a traditional badora to tie up their team’s designated emu. Once their emu is wrapped up, they must bring it by taxi to the Chill Sone located here, a top Mount Aconcagua in the Andes. But hurry, the last team to arrive maybe heading home, Back at the academy, the Best Friends aren’t letting a single nosebleed stop them.
:'''Carrie''': Aaah! Ugh!
:'''Devin''': I'm sorry.
:'''Carrie''': Ow!
:'''MacArthur''': Oh, way to hurt your partner!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kitty''': Oh, that is it!
:'''Kitty and the Emu''': Aaaah!
:'''Emma''': ''[seeing Kitty slip down a hill]'' Kitty!
:''[cuts to Jacques]''
:'''Jacques''': Ugh! I need something to absorb all this off my hands or I’ll never be able to- ''[puts the oil on his head]'' My hands are dry.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Best Friends got eliminated because Kitty accidentally knocked Devin off a cliff with the Sisters’ emu and severely injured him, making him and Carrie cut from the race]''
:'''Carrie''': Okay, well they sacrifice themselves for us in Vietnam so we choose the Surfers.
:'''Don''': Done! Carrie and Devin good luck with all of that.
:'''Paramedic''': All right, the Surfers are awesome. Sorry, let's go.
:''[the Paramedic take an injured Devin to the helicopter along with his partner Carrie. Brody and Geoff return]''
:'''Don''': The Best Friends are gone, but the Surfers return. 4 teams will vie for the million! Who will win? Keep watching the Ridonculous Race.
:'''Carrie''': It was a super hard race, but you were my hero the whole time.
:'''Devin''': ''[muffled]'' I had a great time.
:'''Carrie''': I had a blast, too.

===''Bahamarama [7.25]''===
:'''Josee''': We're going to The Bahamas.
:'''Don''': The [[w:Bahamas|Bahamas]], known for its pirate history, stunning Caribbean beaches, and flourescent pink flamingos. Once teams land in [[w:Nassau, Bahamas|Nassau]], they'll find this Don box and their next travel tip.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''MacArthur''': Ice guys do finish last. BOOM!
:''[Josee becomes extremely furious and starts throwing a tantrum after the Surfer Dudes, Sisters, and Police Cadets all beat her and Jacques to the airport first]''
:'''Jacques''': ''[enraged]'' We are so… '''''SICK OF THOSE CADETS!'''''
:'''Sanders''': ''[laughing about Josee's tantrum during the interview]'' Did you see her face? ''[she and MacArthur both laugh hysterically]''
:'''Don''': All four teams are on the same flight. And once it lands, every move they make will be crucial!
:[Doors Open]
:'''Kitty''': Hurry!
:'''Geoff''': Come on!
:'''MacArthur''': Move it!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': This is insanity, bro! We're heading to the finale in first place!
:'''Brody''': Whoa, we should get, like, a 'most improved award' or something.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jacques''': Josse, can you hear me?
:[Josee screams]
:'''Emma''': Uh, well her mic deffinately works.
:'''Kitty''': What was that?
:'''Emma''': Just Josee freaking out.
:'''Don''': Three out of the four teams are in the water, but only two of them made it inside the tunnel.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Sisters got eliminated because they were the last team to arrive at the Chill Zone]''
:'''Emma''': This has been the most incredible experience of my life.
:'''Kitty''': Sorry I blew it.
:'''Emma''': Are you kidding? You rocked it! I meant what I said before, Kit. I'm so proud of you.
:'''Kitty''': ''[touched]'' Aww…
:'''Emma''': Hey, I'll take my sister over a million bucks, any day. I've never felt more like a winner than I do right now.
:'''Kitty''': You're gonna call Noah, aren't you?
:'''Emma''': You bet I am.

===''A Million Ways to Lose a Million Dollars [7.26]''===
:'''Don''': Welcome back to the Bahamas. Our finale 3 teams have received their final travel tips, taken water taxis, and have boarded the same plane for one final flight... to [[w:New York City|New York City]], nature's playground for capitalist wolves and jazz-handed Broadway stars alike. It's home to 8.4 million people, and 16.4 million rats. When teams arrive here at [[w:John F. Kennedy International Airport|JFK airport]], they must find this Don box and collect their next tip.
:'''Booger''': The five teams have their travel tips, and booked themselves for a flight to New York City.
:'''Geoff''': Could we win? I'll see why not.
:'''Brody''': We definitely have luck on our side, lucky to get back in the race at all, and make it to the finale?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': It's an All-In. '''&quot;Who's Ready to Face the [[w:Taxi|Traffic?]]&quot;'''
:'''Don''': For this All-In, teams must take on of these Ridonculous taxi cabs and drive themselves all the way here... to the [[w:Empire State Building|Empire State Building]]. One they arrive, teams will have to climb a measly 86 flights of stairs to reach... this observation deck, and collect their next tip, attached to these suitcases, moving one step closer to the final chill zone and the million dollar prize.
:'''Sanders''': '''&quot;Fun fact: Last team to arrive is pretty much doomed. Good luck.&quot;'''
:'''Brody''': The taxi!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brody''': Iron stomach, dude. Piece of cake! ''[opens a banana, then Geoff retches, then he eats the rotten one, then Geoff barfs offscreen]''
:'''Geoff''': Dude! Seriously!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Geoff''': Let’s bounce!
:'''Josee''': First inside the building, first to the final challenge, first to win the million.
:'''Geoff''': Hey, guys.
:'''Brody''': Hey, what's up?
:'''Josee''': AAAAAAAH!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Ice Dancers are out of the race because they were beaten by the Police Cadets and the Surfers to the mid-point Chill Zone in Central Park]''
:'''Don''': Jacques and Josee… I'm sorry… that it took me so long to say this, you’re cut from the competition! Huh. You're taking this suspiciously well.
:''[Josee finally starts losing her temper as she's about to hurt [[w:Bethesda Terrence and Fountain|Bethesda Terrence]], throw an alligator, and while holding up a hot dog cart up in the air]''
:'''Jacques''': ''[scared]'' Oh, no. JOSEE, STOP! IT'S OVER! We… lost.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Whoever gets here first wins 1,000,000 dollars!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
:[Tennis Rivals' Interview]
:'''Pete''': The Cadets vs. Surfers? Wow, what an exciting finale! ''[snores]''
:'''Gerry''': But what kind of surfers are they again? They're outdoorsy kind or computer kind?
:'''Pete''': And who cares they both stink.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': Who is going to win this million dollars?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Don''': ''[last lines]'' Yes, throw all your money on the ground. Very smart. That's all for now! We hope you enjoyed our incredible race around the world. Be sure to keep an eye out for more of ''The Ridonculous Race.''

==Cast==
* Terry McGurrin - Don
* Stephanie Anne Mills - Kitty
* Emilie-Claire Barlow - Ellody and Laurie
* Clé Bennett - Leonard
* Ashley Botting - Jen
* Nicki Burke - Stephanie and Tammy
* Neil Crone - Dwayne
* Stacey DePass - Emma and Crimson
* Carlos Díaz - Lorenzo and Rock
* Jacob Ewaniuk - Junior
* Kristin Fairlie - Carrie
* Darren Frost - Chet
* Katie Griffin - Mary and Miles
* Jeff Geddis - Devin and Tom
* Carter Hayden - Ennui, Noah, and Spud
* David Huband - Gerry
* Julie Lemieux - Josee and Kelly
* Bryn McAuley - Taylor
* Scott McCord - Brody, Jacques, and Owen
* Joseph Motiki - Ryan
* Dan Petronijevic - Geoff
* Evany Rosen - MacArthur
* Lyon Smith - Jay and Mickey
* Nicole Stamp - Sanders
* Adrian Truss - Pete

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian adult animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian adult animated drama TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated drama TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian comedy-drama TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian satirical TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian animated TV spin-offs]]
[[Category:Flash animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Reality TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Teletoon original series]]
[[Category:Total Drama]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Dragon Tales</title>
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      <text bytes="141587" sha1="18qptwbcsvjmv8ph2w8vyx7l2p9dr6r" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Dragon Tales|Dragon Tales]]''''' (1999–2005) is an animated educational fantasy children's television series in which two young human siblings named Emmy, and Max, and later their new next-door neighbor, and friend, Enrique go on adventures in a magical land of dragons. The show was aimed at school-grade children.

==Season 1 (1999-2000)==
===''To Fly with Dragons'' [1.1a]===
===''The Forest of Darkness'' [1.1b]===
:'''Mom''': Emmy, Max, everything all right up here?''
:'''Emmy''': Yeah, Mom. We were just coloring. There. Look what I did.
:'''Max''': Whoa. This looks just like Cassie.
:'''Emmy''': Maybe it's because it was Cassie. And I'm gonna give it to her as a gift.
:'''Max''': Were you going to Dragon Land? Yeah. Me too. Because I got a great surprise for Ord. And he's gonna like it.
:'''Emmy''': What is that?
:'''Max''': It's bubble gum. And I've only been chewing it one time. Hey. Maybe we should get something for Zak, and Wheezie.
:'''Emmy''': I know. Maybe we should let them borrow our harmonicas. So, come on. Max, Let's just go to Dragon Land.

===''To Kingdom Come'' [1.2a]===
:'''Emmy''': If you'd shared the Wish Shell in the first place, Ord, we definitely wouldn't be in this mess!
&lt;hr width=&quot;55%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ord breaks off a tiny piece of his cupcake and offers it to Monsieur Marmadune, however is not enough.]''
:'''Monsieur Marmadune''': This was sharing?
:'''Ord''': ''[breaks off a larger piece of his cupcake]'' This much?
:'''Max''': More...
:'''Ord''': ''[breaks another piece again]'' This much?
:'''Max''': More...
:'''Ord''': ''[depressed]'' Oh... this was so hard! ''[until ultimately divide his cupcake in half and offers it to Monsieur Marmadune]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;55%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': Hey look, my dragon badge is shining! I did it, I shared!

===''Good-bye, Little Caterpoozle!'' [1.2b]===

*''[When Emmy, Max, Ord, Cassie, Zak, and Wheezie saw Poozie, the caterpoozle, inside a silk sack --called a [[w:chrysalis|chrysalis]]-- and is sleeping inside it.]''
*'''Cassie''': ''[gasps]'' Oh, she is dead! ''[cries]'' Oh, Poozie!

===''Knot a Problem'' [1.3a]===

===''Ord's Unhappy Birthday'' [1.3b]===
:''[The episode starts out in the playroom where Max and Emmy are wrapping presents. Emmy’s is all wrapped up quick and angrily-ish while Max’s is rather wrinkled and uneven.]''
:'''Max''': Look Emmy! I'm done wrapping my birthday present for Ord. Neat, huh?
:''[Max holds up his present, but the ribbon unravels and falls off.]''
:'''Emmy''': [unsure] I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, Max!
:''[Max struggles to tie the ribbon back on. Emmy refuse to help.]''
:'''Emmy''':   No time, no time, no time! For a very important date. No time to make a bow for you. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.
:'''Max''': Now, this is curious. It must be awfully important, like a party or something. 
:''[Max puts his left index finger on the knot while Emmy ties the bow. But it ends up being so tight, Max's finger gets stuck in the ribbon.]''
:'''Max''': Hey! My finger’s stuck!
:'''Emmy''': [with voice raised and sounding genuinely annoyed] Come on, Max, there is no time to help Cassie! This no time to get ready for Ord's surprise birthday party!
:''[Max and Emmy hold the scale and start saying their lately wish.]''
:'''Max and Emmy''': I'm late, I'm late, I'm late with all my very important heart. No time to fly with dragons in a land apart.
:''[The dragons on the wall come to life and circle around the kids flying faster and faster until they disappear in a bright light and soon they arrive in DragonLand.]''
:'''Emmy''': We're late!  This is the perfect rush to Cassie!!
:'''Max''': I'm late!!! 
:''[Max grabs her wrist and they're running to the dragon tail waving behind a tree but is blue, not pink.]''
:'''Max''': Cassie! I'm late, I'm late....
:''[The figure that comes out from behind the tree is, in fact, a door banging and pounding]''
:'''Emmy''': ''[angrily whispering, hissing irritated, quietly]''  '''SHHH!!'''  Quiet, Max! Don't say such things to King Ord! Hide your present!
:''[Emmy swipes her gift behind her back and Max tries to hide his but his finger is still stuck on the bow. Ord approaches the kids and he bows down.]''
:'''Ord''': Max, Emmy, I'm ruler of my birthday! Look what mom and dad got me! ''[shows them a pencil with a feathery end and he draws a little tic-tac-toe grid in midair]''
:'''Ord''': It draws on anything, how much greater I'd be! What a king! I'd be ruler of all that I see! Oh, you wanna bark orders?
:'''Max''': Leave me alone!
:'''Emmy''': We are not friends!
:''[Suddenly, Ord Gets Growling In Frustration At The Angry Snaps And He Launches Into An Rage Outburst]'' '''YOU KNOW WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''': [thunders angrily] '''OH REALLY, ORD, ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?! IT ISN'T FAIR! IT IS, IN FACT, A COMPLETE AND TOTAL OUTRAGE!!!''' We're angry with you, Your Majesty. I'm serious! Today's your birthday! So you '''LEAVE ME ALONE!!!'''
:'''Ord''':  No! You're just not looking hard enough! I don't wanna play!
:''[Max is angry without say yes, he remembered...]''
:'''Max''': You can't. No time to meet Cassie, I will NEVER seen you again and leave me alone forever.
:'''Emmy''': ''[interrupting]'' I'm upset!  
:'''Ord''': Louder!
:'''Emmy''': [loud] I'm upset! 
:'''Ord''': '''LOUDER!'''
:'''Emmy''': [louder] '''I'M UPSET!'''
:'''Ord''': [shouting to enraged] '''SILENCE!! For the final TIME, SAY IT LOUDER!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': [turns red in anger, furiously growls]  '''I'M UPSET!!! I SAID &quot;STOP IT&quot;!!! I'M REALLY TIRED OF YOU!!!''' I’m never let you again! Never, Never, NEVER letting mention that being such a bully, and you didn't do anything that’s mine ever having a picnic without Cassie! 
:'''Ord''': (growls angry as well) Well, Today's my very favorite day of the year, than you would be better off without me, I've ruined their lives, and I wish I'd never been born!
:'''Emmy''': (angrily) I'm late!! I'm very late!!! Now I won't want my help tomorrow anymore to get out of here and you're going our separate ways forever is much too braggy as bossy king! So, this is no fun to be boss around your dumb the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous straight with you, King Ord! Now get out, or you're '''FIRED!! I! GIVE!! UP!!!'''
:'''Ord''': (enraged with angriest) '''I'M KING!!! I WILL NEVER SPEAKING TO EITHER ONE OF YOU EVER AGAIN!!!''' 
:'''Max''': '''YOU ARE FIRED!! I want you to get out, NOOW! and that's an order!!!'''
:'''Ord''': [angrily shouts] '''I'M KING TO COMMAND YOU, SILENCE!!!!!'''
:'''Emmy and Max''': '''STOP IT!!!'''
:'''Ord''': (Turns red) '''YOU'RE FIRED!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''':  [wailing angrily] '''YOU YELLED AT ME!!!''' [Turns Red With Anger, Growls Furiously And Angrily Fed Up] '''GRRRARRGH!''' I’m done with you without your birthday! '''I'LL SMASH YOUR BIRTHDAY AWAY!!! THAT BOSSY KING IS STUPID ANYWAY!!!''' 
:'''Ord''': '''YOUR HEIRS!!!'''
:'''Max''': '''LEAVE!!!'''
:'''Ord''': [angry, raising an eyebrow] '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!'''
:'''Emmy and Max''': [furiously pointing] '''OUT!''' 
:'''Ord''': [snaps] '''I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!'''
:'''Emmy and Max''': ''[they're angrily pushing Ord and furiously slams the door, leaving Ord all alone, pointing once more]'' '''OUT!'''
:'''Ord''': [starts growls madly] That's it, I am the ruler of all that I'm leaving!!! [storms off furiously at a huff]
:''[The kids later arrived angrily &amp; lately at the treehouse.]''
:'''Max''': ''[firmly whispering]'' I'll never join the secret knock!
:''[Angry, Emmy shakes her fist in rages out a series of gasps, which get more tense by shoves into his mouth, hearing banging &amp; pounding on the door many times and makes them growling. The door opens, furiously revealing Cassie.]''
:'''Cassie''': Shh, Calm down, Max! calm down, Emmy! Shush, shush! You must be upset. Are you upset?! I thought you were Ord.
:'''Max''':  [sadly] No, this was Ord's fault with a mix up with psychical violence blame. Look, King Ord’s too angry about being bossy birthday in the meadow.
:''[Max and Emmy head inside while Cassie gets a little worried that Ord might have followed them.]''
:'''Cassie''':  What's wrong with you, Emmy? Come on.
:'''Emmy''': [growls] I don't want to hear about ord. We had too frustrated when he's way too bossy.
:'''Max''': [glares] Of course you're so late! I don't understand make him bossy traitor!? If you do, you're fired at military school!
:'''Cassie''': Just chill out, chill out. I bet he couldn’t play with the bossiness of King Ord, who's willing to barked orders until we surprise him. So don't say a word 'til you two can help me blow up the balloons.
:''[Cassie hands Max and Emmy grabs a balloon angrily. Max tries inflate one up but release and comes out flying. Max then wobbles around holding his head.]''
:'''Max''': Wow! I’m dizzy.
:'''Cassie''': Don’t worry, Max. I’ll blow them up.
:''[Cassie blows up a balloon herself.]''
:'''Max''': Hey, That's insane!
:''[Emmy swipes Max the balloons.]''
:'''Emmy''': You have done that to me too many times, Max. I will not stand for what you did! You're fired! So you '''LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!'''
:'''Max''': [angry] Go Away, Em!
:''[She furiously storms off without helping Max as he holding three balloons, a green and pointy one with yellow spots, and lavender one shaped like a star and a pink one with a smiley face on it, to whom Max sticks his tongue out and laugh.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;90%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': Ord! What's the matter with you, Your Majesty?
:'''Wheezie''': Why are you angry, Your Majesty? 
:'''Ord''': (ragingly) You hush up your mouth, Go away and no right to talk to leave me alone, and I wish I'd never been born!!!
:'''Zak''': Do you hear that?
:'''Wheezie''': Really? ''[Looks to the ones on top of their heads.]'' Oh, those hats. Those aren’t party hats. They're uh... umm...
:'''Zak''': Rain-hats. Only it's not raining. Guess we don’t need them, Wheezie.
&lt;hr width=&quot;90%&quot;/&gt;:''[Just then his royal banging and a pounding is heard on the door.]''
:'''Zak''': ''[whispering]'' Is he coming this way?!
:'''Sid Sycamore''': ''[whispering]'' That wasn’t the secret knock. It’s King Ord! He rudes everything!
:''[Everyone gasps &amp; scrambles to hide everything very quickly. Zak and Wheezie take the pizza, Max puts away the party hats, and Emmy swipes the balloons and hands them to Sid Sycamore without taking.]''
:'''Sid Sycamore''': [warns her] Emmy, no swiping! Emmy, no swiping! Emmy, no swiping!
:'''Emmy''': [madder] Sid, You're fired! I'm too angry! '''YOU ARE FIRED!!'''
:'''Sid Sycamore''': [angrily scolding] It's too late, you're a crook... [furiously] You're a '''CHEAT''' and a '''SWINDLER...!''' '''THAT'S''' it! I will never seen you again or you're fired!! [lividly] '''YOU'RE AN INHUMAN MONSTER!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': [screamed furiously] '''I SAID &quot;YOU ARE FIRED&quot;!! THAT'S IT, SID!!'''
:''[Meanwhile they hand the rest of the stuff to Zak and Wheezie.]''
:'''Zak''': Where are you gonna put that?
:''[Wheezie ultimately decides to put the stuff in their pouch.]''
:'''Zak''': Ew! That feels gross!
:''[All that was left was the tablecloth which they remove as Ord slams the door open.]''
:'''Ord''': [snaps] I’m very annoyed with you, Emmy! I'm king, and I wish I'd never been born!!
:''[Inside the gang snarl on the floor with a puzzle.]''
:'''Emmy''': [angrily scolds very pissed] You're bossy, King Ord! I'm very angry with you! This is your last warning! It's a complete disaster when enough is enough!! You did not just say that, '''You did not just say that!!!!'''
:'''Ord''':  [getting angry] '''I did just say it! I said, I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!'''  I'm bossy and annoyed without doing anything and I'm king, and you look annoyed all the time without some help, I've ruined their lives, and I wish I'd never been born! ''[dragon glares in the room.]'' You don't think I'm too bossy, do you?
:'''Zak''': '''LIAR!''' We decided not to have the picnic.
:'''Wheezie''': I'm afraid you are. Putting together a puzzle isn't fun anymore.
:'''Ord''': [mad] I don't want to play puzzles! I'm the bossy king! I'm the king of a moss-covered, three-handled family gredunza! Nobody's gonna leave this treehouse until I wish I'd never been born!!
:'''Emmy''':  [losing control of her outrage] Go away, King Ord! You lost a moss-covered, three-handled family gredunza if I'm saying bossy to you! If you're way too bossy what word I'm not supposed to say, It's too bossy, I'm disappointed. I am very disappointed....
:'''Ord''': [growling ragingly yells] '''I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEEEEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!!!!!'''
:'''Max''':  [angrily screams] '''NAH-UH! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE! I WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AND QUIT IT!!!!!'''
:''[Emmy Slaps His Forehead. Zak Slaps His As Well, Wheezie Hits In His Face. This Challenge Erupted Into A Violence Argument Of Fury Angry Fight With Powers]'' K.D. Lang: [Overlapping while singing] Join Timon and Pumbaa cow! 
:'''Max''': I'm feeling very angry right now without help, King Ord!!!
:'''Ord''': '''SILENCE!!! YOU'D BETTER GET ALL OF THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEAD!!!!!''' Forget it!! I said, &quot;I wish I'd never been born!!!&quot; I am the boss of the ruler to leave me alone!!!
:'''Max''': [sternly] That's it! See if I'll leave you alone!!
:''[Bossy King Ord storms to the school and incredibly pissed off at him for all of the hurtful birthday and inside he finds Quetzal wrapping a gift neatly.]''
:'''Ord''': You're just a show-off, Mr. Quetzal! Never, ever mention '''THAT''' name in my presence! '''I AM THE BOSSY *KING*!!!'''
:'''Quetzal''': Oh, Yes, Sire, you look bossy, King Ord. I was extraordinarily busy... You’re so cranky. You actually went and did it to illustrate the differences in your royal managerial approaches.
:'''Ord''': [coldly] Not the others seem to think they're waste time. ''[without notices the gift.]'' [angrily] I'm the boss. I scolded at her, Because she broke the rules! I'm king of the birthday parties!
:'''Quetzal''': Temper! Temper! Your Majesty, please... I don't like to complain, But A very good friend of mine, We didn't see any rules.
:''[Ord goes back to being angrily glare.]''
:'''Quetzal''': What’s the matter?  I know you're angry about your birthday without friends and you're refuse to be gone. What’s wrong? 
:'''Ord''': [raging furiously blows up, screams in frustration, angrily yells with sobbing] This is the stupidest time to me a favor and the &quot;worstest&quot; rule, I'm the king of the panic! I'm the frustrated king! I'm the bossy king because I'm the king of my birthday, and I'm the king of special day, but my friends must not like me anymore because they don't want to play with 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void IF - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy! And Cassie didn't invite me to her picnic, and then everyone's beginning to believe I'll never see my &quot;et cetera, et cetera... &quot;Fax mentis, incendium gloria cultum,&quot; et cetera, et cetera... &quot;Memo bis punitor delicatum!!&quot; It's out of the control without decided to make a puzzle instead of a picnic! I am the king! I can do whatever I  could even push one piece together, they '''STOMPED''' on the floor, which now has to be pushed me away, because I'm the king of my birthday! And I'm the king of a grouchy girl sometimes... I'm the bossy king, and think I'm king! they're gonna mess it up for my birthday and it's all your fault, and then before I will be able to our army,  would still be alive, it's your fault she's mad!! And now I don't have a happy birthday without looking hard enough to see some stupid royal birthday, and I wish I'd never been born!!! [walks off in a huff]
:'''Quetzal''': Oh..., Outrageous! I know you've already just feeling very angry, Ord, yelled by a grouchy girl, It's not your fault and we say something very special to each other.
:'''Ord''': [he ragefully stomps, firmly fuming] Why bother? I'm king of stupid to understand anyway! I hadn't shown up even dragons celebrate my birthday in the first place, maybe I don't have to worry everything that was important to me! There's nothing, no, NOTHING, that's grouchy than me, and I wish I'd never been born!! I said it again! I wish I'd never been B-O-R-N, born!
:'''Quetzal''': ''[checks his pocket watch]'' Chill out, Ord! Every year, I know what to do to make you feel better.
:'''Ord''': [sarcastically] Aw, forget it! I said it again! I wish I'd never been B-O-R-N, born! I wish I'd never been born! I said, &quot;I wish I'd never been born!!&quot; There, I said it again! '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!'''
:'''Quetzal''': [calmly] I know you aren't. So, come with me.
:''[Ord and Quetzal go over to the treehouse where the others are watching by the window and all arguing, shouting, and they started kicking and laugh.]''
:'''Ord''': I'm the mad king, I'm the mad king! I'm the really, really, really mad king, Quetzal, I cannot let you put our family if they don't want to play with me! For I am the ruler of all that I see!!
:'''Quetzal''': Oh, I see if you are mad. Courage, Ord. Go up there and tell them what you told me.
:'''Ord''': Are you sure if I'm not mad?. 
:'''Quetzal''': Si.
:'''Ord''': Okay. I love too.
:''[Ord goes up the stairs and he takes one last look toward Quetzal who gives him a nod, before knocking on the door.]''
:'''Cassie''': I’m too busy right now, but we're almost done.
:'''Ord''': It's me, King Ord! And I'm too bossy and frustrated 'cause I'm ruler of my birthday but no one wants me around. And I don't want to be your friend anymore! I don't want to be your friend anymore at all!
:'''Cassie''': Hey, You're so bossy.
:'''Ord''': Yes, you did! You did!!! We're doomed who’s being such a bully!! It's your fault because you were going our separate ways forever. So, this is… This is your dumb the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous straight to stomp to you when I'm bossy!!
:'''Cassie''': Okay, Don't be mad. Guess what? You can come in now. 
:'''Ord''': [anger turns to thrilled to apologizes about being difficult being frivolous things at the wrong time.] Really? I just wanted to apologize because sometimes I was me too bossy.
:'''Emmy''': Aww, that's okay, You can knock gently on the door but don't banging and pounding hard. Go ahead, Ord.
:'''Ord''': Oh, Sure.
:''[Ord throws the royal crown and the royal cape away, Knocking gently, opens the door and is surprised with excitement.]''
:'''All:''' '''SSUURRPPRIIISSSEE!!!''' ''[everyone claps and cheers, celebrates happily and laughing]'' '''HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ORD!'''
:'''Ord''': You like me! You really like me!
:''[Max runs up to Ord and hugs him]''
:'''Max''': Of course we do, Ord. You're our biggest, bestest friend of all.
:'''Emmy''': I’m so glad it’s you. I'm sorry I was just felt so mad when i yelled at you. It's just that... because I just didn't want you to find out and I'll try to not be bossy about the surprise party.
:'''Ord''': Wow. Well,  I was really surprised!
:''[Wheezie lights the candle with her fire breath]''
:'''Wheezie''': Come on, Ord. Make a wish and blow out the candle.
:'''Ord''': Okay, here we go! 
:''[Ord uses wind power to blow it out and everyone applauds]''
:'''Max''': All right, Hooray for you, Ord.
:''[All clapping and cheering]''
:'''Emmy''': Good one.
:''[Quetzal walks around with a knife in his hand and starts cutting the cake]''
:'''Ord''': ''[with his mouth full]'' Boy! This is the really best birthday I've ever marvelous me! For I am the good ruler of all that I see! [the dragons cheered and dance happily to the music.]
:'''Everyone''': '''ALL RIGHT, ZAK AND WHEEZIE! YEAH! ALL RIGHT, ORD!''' [laugh]
:'''Max''': That sounded really cool!
:'''Cassie''': I love played the maracas...
:'''Everyone''': '''YES!'''
:'''Emmy''': [laugh and celebrating] '''YEAH! WOO-HOO!'''
:'''Max and Emmy''': I Love A Surprise to use this rhyme to go back home until next time. ''[Both then disappear and appear back in the playroom]''
:'''Max''': Oooh! My tummy hurts from eating all that cake.
:'''Emmy''': Me too. But it sure is a yummy tummyache.
:'''Max''': ''[laughs]'' Yeah.
:'''Emmy''': Guess What, Max? We're Not able to Rush for Ord's Surprise Party. We're Good.
:'''Max''': Yeah, I will tell my mom. I want a surprise birthday party this year.
:'''Emmy''': I Love a Surprise! But if you know it’s a surprise party, it won’t be a surprise.
:''[Max thought about that and realized she’s right, cheering.]''
:'''Max''': Hooray for you, Emmy. Mummy! Emmy has something to ask you!
:''[Max heads out the door while Emmy just smiles her head, reliefing.]''

===''Tails You Lose'' [1.4a]===
:'''Wheezie''': OH! They're dragons Zak, not snails!
:'''Zak''': Slow music is better for the game!
:''[Zak and Wheezie argue over whether the dance must be fast or slow.]'' 
:'''Wheezie''': '''IS NOT!'''
:'''Zak''': '''IS TOO!'''
:'''Wheezie''': '''IS NOT!'''
:'''Zak''': '''IS TOO!'''
:'''Wheezie''': '''IS NOT!'''
:'''Zak''': [Growls Loudly And Then He Violently Begins To Shout At Her] '''I DON'T CARE!!!!! DAMN IT, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN PEACE????!!!!!!!!!!!''' 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Emmy''': I'm not engaged! And as a matter of fact, the way this particular conversation is going right now, well... I'm fine with out! You don't play fair! I will not stand for what you did, and things are out of control! As of this moment, cause you're all '''GROUNDED!! So you LEAVE ME ALONE!!!'''
:'''Cassie''': [angrily screams in frustration] You're bossy, you jerk! You couldn't wait to come back here and brag, you don't want to be part of the game around while you do dumb things like that!!
:'''Emmy''': '''I'D HATE YOU, RULES STINK, LOSING STINKS &amp; EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!'''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[turns red in anger, furiously growls and angrily comfronts Emmy]''  No! Are you crazy, Emmy?  [growls lividly] '''THAT MAKES ME VERY ANGRY,''' since we've finished everything on the list, you’re the one who’s being such a bully! I am the temper drama king! I already filled up this ate it... I have no time for childish bickering with ideas!! Now, I've ruined their lives, and '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': '''SHUT UP!!! I AM  NEVER, EVER  PLAYING FREEZE DANCE AGAIN!!! I AM COMMAND YOU TO CUT IT OUT!!! AND IF YOU KEEP BEING SUCH A JERK I SWEAR THE GOD....I'LL SMASH TO FIRE YOU!!!''' ''[echoes]''
:'''Cassie''': [Fed Up] '''DON'T YOU DARE!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO PLAY WITH YOU AGAIN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN EXPLODE!!!!!?????!!!!!!!!!!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': ''[getting very angry; turns red angrily to cutting dragons off]'' '''CAN, YOU, CUT, A, BIG, FAT, STUPID, UGLY, CLUMSY, LUMP, IT, OUT, ALREADY!?!  I'D HATE YOU, MAX!!!''' 
:'''Max''': [Suddenly Snaps And He Launches Into An Rage Outburst] '''YOU KNOW WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' [With A lot Of Rage, Max's Behavior Got Worse] '''I'm losing a temper, so you become a loser!! We're doomed who’s being such a bully!! I'D HATE YOU &amp; EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''': ''[snaps]'' '''I’M VERY ANGRY!!'''
:'''Max''': '''YOU'D BETTER GET ALL OF THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEAD!!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': '''I AM GOING TO FIRE YOU, MAX!!!'''
:'''Max''':  [angrily scolding] '''I’M NOT SPEAKING TO ME EVER AGAIN! AND I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': [growls angrily and screams lividly] '''I SAID, &quot;I AM GOING TO FIRE YOU, MAX!!!&quot;'''
:'''Max''': '''QUIET!!'''
:'''Emmy''': '''You just shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, and I'm fed up of telling dragons to go away!!'''
:'''Max''': '''OH NO YOU'RE NOT!'''
:'''Emmy''': '''IF YOU KEEP BEING SUCH A JERK I SWEAR THE GOD....I'LL SMASH YOUR...-''' 
:'''Ord''': [turns red with angriest and screams at Emmy] '''OH REALLY, EMMY, ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!'''
:'''Emmy''':  '''THAT FREEZE GAME IS STUPID ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!''' 
:'''Ord''': ''What in the world is going on if you yelled at him?! I've shouting at you and it’s your dumb the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous things because you were supposed to stopped this instant!!! YOU ARE FIRED!!!''
:'''Wheezie''': [scowls] '''GRRRAAAARRGHHHHHH!!!!!! SSSSSTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPP IIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''   
:'''Zak''': [angered as throws tantrum] '''STOP YELLING!!!!!'''  You, just a show-off, You did not finish this game!!! I’ve had quite enough is enough of your excuses whatever I warning about the new game, bossy girl!!! (And you might already did! In fact, I’m done with you without the next round!! I told you I'm '''NOT''' spending it with you and you're not listening, because, '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!''') 
:'''Emmy''': [lividly shouting of his rage and scolds at dragons] '''STOP IT!!! YOU'RE GONNA HURT YOURSELF!!! FREEZE DANCE IS COMPLETE AND TOTAL OUTRAGE ALWAYS FIGHT TO COMMAND IS, YOU, ARE, FIRED!!!!!!'''
:'''Max''': ''[Suddenly Snaps And He Launches Into An Rage Outburst In Anger, Furiously Growls And Angrily Strikes Out At Emmy, Gets Snapping And Loudly Ticked Off]'' ''' I'M ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!! I'D HATE YOU &amp; EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! YOU MAKES ME VERY VERY ANGRY, YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! '''
:'''Emmy''': [angry] '''SHUT THE FUCK UP!'''
:'''Max''': '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''': [lividly bellowing] '''STOP IT!!!!'''
:'''Max''': '''I'M ANGRY!! '''
:'''Emmy''': '''YOU ARE FIRED!!!'''
:'''Max''': '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': [thunders angrily] '''DON'T YOU DARE!!!'''
:'''Max''': [becoming louder angrily] '''I'M A BULLY TO COMMAND TO FIRE YOU!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': [gets angrier] '''YOU, ARE, FIRED AND THAT’S FINAL, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!!!!'''
:'''Max''': [enraged with high pitched, savagely yells loudly] '''I'M NOT GONNA SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN FOR AS LONG AS I FIRE YOU!!!!!!!''' ''[echoes]'' 
:'''Emmy''': [angry roars] '''STOP!!!''' 
:'''Max''': [gets angrier and furious bellow] '''ZIP IT!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''': [bellows angrily] '''SHUT UP!!!''' 
:'''Max''': [screaming very loudly; echoing] '''I'M REALLY ANGRY, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''': '''I'LL SMASH YOUR A, BIG, FAT, STUPID, UGLY, CLUMSY, ANGRY!!!!!'''
:'''Max''': [yelling] '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN FIRED!?!?!?!?!''' 
:'''Emmy''': '''THAT'S IT!!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE!!!''' 
:'''Max''': [throws a tantrum, warning yells] '''I SAID &quot;GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN FIRED&quot;!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': '''I AM ANGRY AND DISAPPOINTED, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!'''
:'''Max''': [Yells Back At Emmy] '''YOU'RE GROUNDED, EMMY!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''': [whines, turns red with angriest and enraged with high-pitched, savagely screams] '''LIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRR!!! I AM NOT GONNA SPEAK ANY MORE!!! I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!!!!!'''
:'''Max''': [furiously scolds] '''YOU ARE GROUNDED, YOUNG EMMY! GET OUUUUUUUUTTT!'''
:'''Emmy''':   [Becoming Very Angry] '''I’M ANGRY WHEN YOU YELLED AT ME!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! YOU'D BETTER GET ALL OF THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEAD, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' 
:'''Max''': [gets angrier screams loudly then scowls] '''GRRR...I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': [enraged with angriest screams, freaking out]  '''GRRR!!! I'LL SMASHING THE WHALE PUPPET WHEN I'M GOING HOME!!! IF YOU LEAVE DRAGONS ALONE, I WISH I HAD SUCH A JERK I SWEAR THE GOD....I'LL SMASH YOUR SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!!!''' ''[She throws a furious fist and incredibly pissed off at him for all of the hurtful things she frustratingly stomping the ground repeatedly with storms angrily get blown away; sees in a blind heated outbursts, raging argument, temper tantrum.]'' 
:'''Emmy''': ''[angrily satisfied, then sputters her head in irritating &quot;wrapping up&quot; threateningly makes Max and the dragons argue at each other leads them into a full blown fight in anger]''  I hate,  I hate, to fed up this rhyme just go home to bed, because it's mine! (echoes)
:''[Emmy storms off violently and exits Dragon Land without Max, very pissed]''
:'''Max''': [growls angrily] I'm Really Hate You, Em! I'm very angry with you, dragons!! This is your last warning! You're grounded for complete disaster when enough is enough, I've ruined their lives, and I wish I'd never been born! '''I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE AS LONG AS I LIVE, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!''' [the dragons scowls into silence as he storms off to the school and inside he finds Quetzal who felt shocked to Max]
:'''Quetzal''': Hoh-woah, That's the worst case about the unpleasant game. Huh, Max? 
:'''Max''': [Being serious by grunts in frustration with a huff] '''PHOOEY ON FIGHTING!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Back in the playroom, Emmy’s angrier starts her anger sulking in sadness and bursts into tears, sobbing like giving up and shakes her fist in rages out of series ideas, which get more tense by flinches lividly her whale puppet, violently stomps on the &quot;Mr. Whale&quot;.]'' 
:'''Emmy''': [angrily yells sobbing louder] I am braggy and bossy, Mr. Whale! You're mad at me! I'm disappointed to you!! ''[then as her whale puppet]'' &quot;'''NOT FAIR!! I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!! IN FACT, A WORST, HORRIBLE AND TOTAL OUTRAGE GAMES, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' I'm all out of '''MONEY FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN, WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' I'm ruined! I'm done! I'm lost everything of their lives, and I wish I'd never been born!! It will be ripped up, I said it again! I wish I'd never been B-O-R-N, born, Emmy!! You losing something and I wish I'd never been born again!!!&quot; ''[then as she shoves her whale puppet, she makes despair voice, firmly inhales]'' You did not just say that, you did not just say that, I don't like you! You're grounded for have upset on purpose…it was only an such clumsiness accident! [she hands a tissue to blowing her nose to calming down as normal voice] Really? I've had quite enough of this foolish fighting about lose at that. I’m really sorry. Why, It's not your fault. I'm very sorry for stomping on it, Mr. Whale. What a horrid dragon friends playing Freeze Dance. ''[then as her whale puppet, sniffs]'' &quot;I'm sorry I yelled at you. I know you, ord and zak are upset about what happened, and I know Ord and Zak was upset about Emmy's temper, but I think we can get a different game. Listen. I'm sorry I ignored you when you've angry at the house. Take a deep breath and put it back together again in time.&quot; ''[then back to her normal voice]'' You really think so? ''[Mr. Whale agrees. she took a deep breath and sighs with tearfully to forgiveness smiled]'' I'm sorry I couldn't look like they're have fun. It's gonna be okay... you're gonna see more fun than me anyway… I'm very sorry to disturb you too much but I should go back, just to make sure Max is alright. (Emmy hands Mr. Whale a tissue and the puppet blows nose) Thank you for listening... because I just didn't want you to find out and I'll try to not be bossy, Mr. Whale. ''[Emmy finally calms down by comforting her puppet hug and takes out the dragon scale, smiley]'' OK, here we go. &quot;I wish, I wish, with all my heart ''to fly with dragons'' in a land apart.&quot; [This time, the dragons on the wall come to life and circle around her flying faster and faster until she arrive back to the DragonLand and start searching for Angry Max.]

===''Calling Dr. Zak'' [1.4b]===
:'''Emmy''': It's in here somewhere. Got it!
:'''Max''': And I got my guitar. ''[imitates guitar]''
:'''Emmy''': Stop fooling around, Max. We have to get to Dragon Land.
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish with all my heart to fly with dragons in a land apart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Booboogone''': Now, Zak, squeeze!
:''[Zak shuts his eyes and squeezes Wheezie's hand as the thorn is removed]''
:'''Zak''': I'm squeezing as hard as I can! I'm still squeezing! When are you going to take the thorn out?
:'''Dr. Booboogone''': I already have, Zak.
:'''Zak''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time.
:'''Emmy''': I knew Zak and Wheezie were gonna win the dance contest.
:'''Max''': They were great.
:'''Mom''': ''Max! Emmy!''
:'''Emmy''': What is it, Mom?
:'''Mom''': ''I made a doctor's appointment for you both tomorrow. It's time for your checkups.''
:''[Despite a &quot;doctor's appointment&quot; announcement --made by their mother-- Max and Emmy do not mind.]'' 
:'''Max''': Let's play doctor, Emmy.
:'''Emmy''': Okay.

===''Pigment of Your Imagination'' [1.5a]===
:'''Max''': Dandelions.
:'''Emmy''': Max, no! ''[Emmy shook his head]''
:'''Ord''': Anything!
:[''couching, music playing'' and ''painting cans chatting'']
:''[Before going back to the playroom.]'' 
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme, to go back home until next time.

===''Zak's Song'' [1.5b]===
:'''Wheezie''': But Do-Re-Mi's are wild birds, they like wild music, i'll show ya...!
:'''Zak''': ''[putting it in its place]'' No, Wheezie! This time i'm gonna try it my way. ''[he removes the beak of bird and keep going playing the melody in front of the Do-Re-Mi's]''
:'''Wheezie''': It's not working see, I knew...
:'''Max''': Look!

===''Snow Dragons'' [1.6a]===
:'''

===''The Fury is Out on This One'' [1.6b]===
:'''

===''The Giant of Nod'' [1.7a]===
:'''Wheezie''': I don't believe it, he didn't even yawn.

===''The Big Sleepover'' [1.7b]===
:''[Emmy goes over to Cassie's house and knocks on the door; Cassie comes out to bedroom window.]''
:'''Cassie''': Emmy! What are you doing here?
:'''Emmy''': What are you doing here? Aren't you coming to Zak and Wheezie's sleepover?
:'''Cassie''': Oh, I don't know. ''[Emmy climbs up to her window through the ivy of the facade and Cassie gasps]''
:'''Emmy''': Come on, Cassie. You'll have fun! Big time!
:'''Cassie''': I know. But I've never slept away from my mummy and daddy before! Ever! Not even one whole time!
:'''Emmy''': Well, what if you brought something to remind you of home?
:'''Cassie''': Like what?
:'''Emmy''': On my first sleepover, I brought Lupita. She's my favorite doll.
:'''Cassie''': Oh! Maybe I could bring... ''[leaves and comes back with a pile of books]'' Some of my favorite books! ''[catches the top book as it falls off]''
:'''Emmy''': How about just one?
:'''Cassie''': Oh, I could never pick just one. Wait, I've got another idea! ''[puts the books away and returns with a pile of pillows]'' How about my favorite pillows? ''[Emmy shakes her head]'' Still too much?
:'''Emmy''': Definitely!
:'''Cassie''': Oh. I know! ''[puts the pillows away and takes out a photo of her with her parents and two of her siblings]'' I'll take this picture of my mummy and daddy and all my brothers and sisters! ''[unfolds it to reveal more pictures that tile out the window down the wall]''
:'''Emmy''': All seventy-four of them? That'll work. Come on, you can do it!
:'''Cassie''': Okay, I'll try.
:'''Emmy''': Yes!
:''[Changes to the knuckerhole later that night; the sleepover is on! Laughter and cheering rings out from Zak and Wheezie's bedroom as Emmy, Max, Ord, and Cassie jump in the bed while Zak looks at his alarm clock and Wheezie play his drum.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;90%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': Now, can we '''PLEASE''' get ready for bed?!  ''[&quot;PLEASE&quot; is mistakenly heard as &quot;police&quot;]''
:'''Zak and Wheezie's dad''': Everything really funtastic and wild in there for you kiddos?
:'''Wheezie''': '''FUNTASTIC, DADDY! GOOF-BALL-O-RAMA!'''
:'''Zak and Wheezie's mom''': ''[as Cassie hesitates and takes out a photo of her family]'' Now if you need anything, dear, remember, we're right down the hall. Just a holler away. A few small steps.
:'''Zak''': Thanks, mummy.
:'''Emmy''': What's the matter, Cassie?
:'''Cassie''': I miss my daddy and mummy.
:'''Wheezie''': Why don't you call them?
:'''Cassie''': Can I?
:'''Wheezie''': Sure!
:''[Changes to a ceiling phone horn; Wheezie gets it down for Cassie to use.]''
:'''Wheezie''': Talk away!
:'''Cassie''': Hi, this is Cassie. Can you connect me to my mummy and daddy?
:'''Cassie's dad''': Hello? Cassie? Is that you?
:'''Cassie''': Hi, Father.
:'''Cassie's dad''': Are you having fun?
:'''Max''': ''[comes past still spinning]'' Wheeeeeeeee!!!
:'''Cassie''': Sort of. I just wondered if you and Mummy miss me. I mean, I could come home if you want.
:'''Cassie's dad''': Of course we miss you, honey, but why don't you try and stay a little longer and have fun with your friends?
:'''Cassie''': Okay, I'll try.
:'''Cassie's dad''': Bye, sweetie.
:'''Cassie''':: Bye, Father.
:''[The call ends and the phone retracts.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;90%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ord makes shadow puppets]''
:'''Max''': Wow! That's cool! Let me try! ''[makes a simplistic shadow puppet]''
:'''Zak''': What is that?
:'''Max''': A rock.
:'''Zak and Wheezie's dad''': Okay, kiddos! Five minutes until beddy-bye time!
:'''Zak''': ''[excitedly]'' '''BEDDY-BYE TIME?! BEDDY-BYE TIME?! YES!'''
:'''Wheezie''': [dismayed] Oh, Zaky...

===''A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words'' [1.8a]===
:''[The Doodle Fairy has drawn a picture to communicate with them]''
:'''Max''': It's a hairy bug!
:''[The Doodle Fairy shakes her head]''
:'''Zak''': This is too hard! I'll quit.
:'''Ord''': We can't give up! Please!
:'''Zak''': OK, if you insist...

===''The Talent Pool'' [1.8b]===
:'''Cassie''': I know. I can't help it. 
:'''Emmy''': I have an idea, Cassie.
:'''Cassie''': Can I try? ''[giggles]'' I'm doing it.
:'''Emmy''': That's it.
:'''Max''': Way to go, Cassie!
:'''Ord''': ''Yay, Cassie!''
:'''Cassie''': ''[notices sound]'' Sorry, Zak. Here. I'll fix your boo-boo.
:'''Zak''': ''[sighs]'' Thanks for helping me fell better, Cassie.
:'''Cassie''': Yeah, but, I can't do anything special for the talent show.
:'''Ord''': Don't give up, Cassie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cassie''': I don't know what to do, Quetzal. I tried and tried, but, I ''can't'' think of anything special I can do.
:'''Quetzal''': Why don't we look in the Big Story Book?

===''Emmy's Dreamhouse'' [1.9a]===
:'''Zak''': Emmy, how do you like the steps Wheezie and I made?
:'''Wheezie''': We've even thought of a secret musical password. ''[plays &quot;Shave and a Haircut&quot; on the steps, with Zak's triangle making up the final two notes.]'' Love it!
:'''Emmy''': It's great. But red steps would go better with the rest of the treehouse, don't you think? ''[pours a can of red paint all over the stairs and some of it gets on Wheezie's foot]''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[angrylid]'' No! You said we could have...
:'''Zak''': Whatever we want and...
:'''Wheezie''': We want black and white!
:'''Emmy''': Oops. Sorry. I guess I forgot to ask again, didn't I?
:''[Zak and Wheezie are angry as Emmy enters the treehouse where everyone is setting up their things. Cassie is setting up her bookshelf.]''
:'''Cassie''': Let's see. Where should I put my picture book on flying? Right there. ''[the book flies into place]'' How do you like my new bookshelf, Emmy?
:'''Emmy''': It looks nice, Cassie. It would look better with these flowers on it. [takes out a flowerpot with flowers in it]
:'''Cassie''': But those are your flowers!
:'''Emmy''': Yeah.
:'''Cassie''': And they're too tall!
:'''Emmy''': I know. ''[takes all of Cassie's books off the shelf and lowers the middle shelf to the bottom. She then puts the books cover side down with two stacked up in the middle and puts the flowerpot on top of them.]''
:'''Emmy''': Perfect!
:'''Cassie''': But... my books! ''[starts laughing and grows]''
:'''Emmy''': Oh, Cassie, I'm sorry I made you feel mad! ''[Cassie runs off]'' I can't believe I forgot to ask what she wanted.
:'''Max''': Emmy, take a look through my telescope!
:''[Ord is getting his toy chest set up and Max has put his telescope near the window]''
:'''Max''': You can see the Stickleback Mountains.
:'''Ord''': And check out my... my... ''[grunts trying to close it but can't]'' ...toy drawer. Neat, huh?
:'''Emmy''': Yeah! And this is a great spot for our play rug.
:''[She unfolds the rug doing fall Max's telescope and covers the toy chest a bit at the corner]''
:'''Emmy''': We'll only have to move your stuff a little bit, okay?
:'''Ord''': I guess.
:''[Emmy pushes the toy chest off the rug into the wall and moves the telescope to the opposite side.]''
:'''Emmy''': That's better.
:'''Max''': No, it isn't! You didn’t leave room for my telescope!
:'''Ord''': And I can’t play with my toy drawer in the corner because there’s not enough room!
:'''Cassie''': ''[aggravated]'' And you made my bookshelf the way you wanted it!
:'''Wheezie''': And Zaky and I didn’t like how you repainted our steps!
:'''Zak''': Or our toenails! ''[Wheezie shows the paint on her foot]''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[wryly]'' Actually, I thought the toenails were kinda pretty.
:'''Max''': ''[carrying his telescope]'' You’re not being nice, Emmy!
:'''Wheezie''': Come on, everyone! Let’s go build our own treehouse!
:'''Zak''': The way we want it!
:''[Everyone less Emmy leaves very annoying]''
:'''Emmy''': ''[also angry]'' I was just trying to make the treehouse better, that's all!
:''[They all leave indignant with their stuff and Zak and Wheezie takes the staircase leaving Emmy in the treehouse]''
:'''Emmy''': Have it your way! I'll just build my own treehouse! ''[so she tries to build a ladder herself but it breaks]'' Oh, this is no fun. Isn't it?
:'''Sid Sycamore''': Hey, maybe a tree joke will cheer you up! Why did the tree cross the road? Give up? He had to &quot;leaf!&quot; Get it? Tree? Leaf? Ha ha! Wocka Wocka! [He laughs, and leaves fall out; Emmy does not answer.] So, friend troubles, huh?
:'''Emmy''': Yeah. They're mad. I didn't let them do what they wanted.
:'''Sid Sycamore''': Well, if you choose all the colors and decide where everything should go, what's left for your friends to do?
:'''Emmy''': They can, uh... Not much, I guess. Maybe I'd better help them put things back the way they wanted?
:'''Sid Sycamore''': Hey, now you're barkin' up the right tree! Wocka Wocka!
:''[Rumbling is heard and the purple goo clouds are coming closer]''
:'''Sid Sycamore''': Hey, you better hurry. The purple goo clouds are almost here!
:''[Emmy runs off and the others are at the other side of the forest carrying their things when she them catches up]''
:'''Emmy''': Wait up! ''[they stop, she sighs and asks for forgiveness, with the purpose of amendment]'' I guess I wasn't very good at listening and letting you do what you wanted. It's just that I get really excited about my own ideas. But it's no fun building a treehouse without my friends. Can we finish it together? Please?
:'''Ord''': Sure!
:'''Wheezie''': Of course!
:'''Max''': Let's do it!
:'''Emmy''': Come on, Cassie. We can fix your bookshelf just the way you wanted. And, Max, where do you want that telescope?
:''[Much later, the treehouse is being finished the way everyone wants it. Max and Ord roll out the rug and Emmy builds the roof. More rumbling as the purple goo clouds come closer and everyone notices.]''

===''Dragon Sails'' [1.9b]===

===''Eggs Over Easy'' [1.10a]===

===''A Liking to Biking'' [1.10b]===
:'''Emmy''': ''[singing]'' Rain, Rain, Go Away.
:'''Max''': Heh, and don't come back!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': OH, NO! I'M GONNA FALL! '''AAH!'''
:'''Cassie''': Ord, you're a dragon; use your wings.
:'''Ord''': Oh, yeah! ''[flies safely back up the cliff]'' I forgot.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Emmy''': Look, Max, the rain stopped. We can go outside now.
:'''Max''': Yeah!
:'''Emmy''': Watch the door!
:'''Max''': ''[crashes and falls]'' I know, I know. Watch where I'm going.
:''[both giggle]''

===''Sky Pirates'' [1.11a]===

===''Four Little Pigs'' [1.11b]===
:'''Max''': I'm the pig in the straw house! [Max's puppet has a mustache.] ''[imitates pigs oinks]''
:'''Ord''': I'm the pig in the house of sticks. ''[imitates pigs oinks]''
:'''Cassie''': And I'm the smart pig! In the brick house! Oink, oink, oink!
:'''Emmy''': And now it's time for the most important puppet of all!
:'''Zak''': Yeah! The really big....
:'''Wheezie''': Really bad...
:'''Zak, Wheezie and Emmy''': Wolf! ''[imitates wolf's howls until they stop. Zak and Wheezie stare at Emmy. Zak is glaring and Wheezie is confused.]''
:'''Zak''': Huh?
:'''Wheezie''': Why'd you make a wolf?
:'''Emmy''': 'Cause I'm playing the wolf.
:''[Zak and Wheezie growl at Emmy's sock puppet and look at each other and back at Emmy]''
:'''Emmy''': What a cool wolf puppet! Oh, I'm sorry! I wouldn't have made my puppet... ''[takes her wolf puppet off her left hand and tosses it aside and grabs Zak and Wheezie's wolf puppets and puts them on both her hands]'' ...if I knew you were gonna make one for me. Thank you so much!
:''[Zak and Wheezie look at each other sad]''
:'''Zak''': Uh, you're welcome.
:''[Wheezie gets mad]''
:'''Wheezie''': No, she's not! We made it for us! ''[Wheezie takes back her and Zak's wolf puppets from Emmy and places them on both their hands]'' We want to play the wolf!
:'''Emmy''': But I thought you wanted to play the music.
:'''Zak''': We always have to play the music!
:'''Wheezie''': And this time we want to do something else!
:'''Max''': But you play music the best!
:'''Zak''': Well, we wanna be the wolf!
:'''Wheezie''': Yeah! No wolf...
:'''Both''': No, Zak and Wheezie.
:'''Cassie''': But if you play the wolf, who will play the music?
:''[Emmy hangs her head down]''
:'''Emmy''': I can't play the music by myself.
:'''Cassie''': Well, I don't think I can. ''[to Ord with her puppet]'' What about you?
:'''Ord''': Oh, no! ''[with his puppet]'' I'm a pig!
:'''Emmy''': ''[to Zak and Wheezie]'' You've got to play the music!
:'''Max''': You're the best!
:'''Ord''': Please!
:'''Cassie''': Will you?
:''[Zak gets mad]''
:'''Zak''': No! If we can't be the wolf....
:'''Wheezie''': We don't wanna play with you anymore. ''[both Zak and Wheezie nod their heads no, and walk out of the theater. Emmy tries to say something, but the words don't come out. Zak and Wheezie run away angrily. Cassie peeks out calling to them. Next, Emmy, Max and Ord peek out.]''
:'''Cassie''': Zak!
:'''Emmy''': Wheezie!
:'''Ord''': Wait!
:''[Zak and Wheezie jump into their hole. Cassie runs up to the hole. Emmy, Max and Ord follow suit. They peek down the hole. They are now all sad.]''
:'''Cassie''': [sighs] I guess we'll have to do the show without them.
:'''Ord''': But we need music, don't we?
:'''Emmy''': ''[smiling]'' I have an idea! Come on!
:''[The gang goes back to the stage. Zak and Wheezie poke their heads out of their hole and sees the gang walking away. Zak and Wheezie look at each other sadly.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wolf''': I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': I miss Zak and Wheezie...

===''Zak and the Beanstalk'' [1.12a]===

===''A Feat on Her Feet'' [1.12b]===
:'''Zak''': Slow down!
:''[screams]'' 
:'''Max''': It's Cassie.
:'''Ord''': Look out!
:''[all screaming]''
:'''Cassie''': Oh, no! ''[crashes]''
:'''Emmy''': Sorry, Cassie.
:'''Ord''': Are you okay?
:'''Cassie''': I'm fine. But, look, my poor flowers. Oh, you poor things. How I will ever get you to Singing Springs now?
:'''Emmy''': Why do you need to take the flowers to Singing Springs, Cassie?
:'''Cassie''': Because they're Jingle Flowers. I grow them from seeds. But, now, that they're grow up, I need to plant them at Singing Springs. Cause without the  foundation music water they'll lose the Jingle Flowers.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': Nice skating, Cassie!
:'''Cassie''': Come on, let's get the jingle flowers plant now!

===''Not Separated at Birth'' [1.13a]===
:''[Zak and Wheezie are in an argument. And they convince themselves that they want to be separated from each other forever.]''
:'''Zak''': ''[to Wheezie]'' '''I WISH I WASN'T STUCK TOGETHER WITH YOU, WHEEZIE!'''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[shouts back --and to Zak]'' '''REALLY?! WELL, I DOUBLE WISH IT!'''
:'''Zak''': '''THEN I DOUBLE, DOUBLE WISH IT!''' 
:'''Quetzal''': My, my, niños. You two really wish to be separated from each other?
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ''[in chorus]'' '''YES!'''
:'''Quetzal''': Then, so be it if you can. ''[he takes out a pair of pink crystals]'' Here. Take these crystals. ''[they take them]'' Now fly into the air and say: &quot;Alakazoo, split in two.&quot; Rub the crystals together and your wish will come true.
:'''Wheezie''': Come on, Zak! Let's get flapping!
:'''Zak''': ''[annoyed]'' Well, I'm not holding us up...
:''[They fly into the air, each holding a crystal]''
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': Alakazoo, split in two!
:''[They rub the crystals together and appears a blinding flash of light as Emmy and Max gasp. The flight floats down to them and it clears to reveal Zak and Wheezie now with their own separate bodies.]''
:'''Wheezie''': Loooooove it!
:'''Zak''': Two feet, two claws, and two wings? Too good to be true! Ha-ha-ha!
:'''Max''': Wow!
:'''Emmy''': I don't believe it!
:'''Ord''': Did it hurt?
:'''Zak''': No, it didn't.
:'''Cassie''': How does it feel?
:'''Wheezie''': Great! Now I can do anything I want! ''[does some somersaults]'' Whoo! See? Just me.
:'''Zak''': Well, look at this... ''[does a handstand]'' A handstand, all by myself!
:'''Wheezie''': ''[lands behind him]'' Watch me! ''[does some loops in the air and divebombs down]''
:'''Zak''': Careful, Wheezie!
:''[Wheezie does some more tricks in the sky but suddenly she crashes into a tree and everyone gasps. She falls out as Zak and Emmy run over.]''
:'''Emmy''': Are you okay?
:'''Wheezie''': Okay?! I'm better than okay!
:'''Zak''': Thank goodness. I'll never have to fly too fast again. ''[flies at his own slow pace]''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[yawns]'' Ho hum.
:''[Later Wheezie empties out the playground equipment]''
:'''Max''': How are we gonna make all that stuff into a slide?
:'''Wheezie''': It's easy. You got Wheezie. Let's go!
:'''Max''': Oh, no! I forgot my other tools!
:'''Ord''': Here, Max. ''[hands him tools from his pouch]'' You can use my wrench and my screwdriver, my pliers and my saw and...
:'''Max''': ''[falls down and laughs]'' Ord, enough!
:'''Wheezie''': ''[holding a plank and post]'' Now, which one goes where? ''[bumps the post against the plank]''
:'''Ord''': I don't think they fit, Wheezie.
:'''Wheezie''': [hammers the post into the plank, denting it] Ha! They do now.
:''[The slide is later fully constructed but poorly]''
:'''Wheezie''': Ta-da! Don't you just looooooooove it?!
:'''Ord''': Is it supposed to look like that?
:'''Wheezie''': Yeah! Wild and fun!
:'''Max''': What's that stuff for? ''[he points to the parts that were never used]''
:'''Wheezie''': Uh... they're just extras. Oh, don't worry. This is gonna be super-duper! ''[she leans against the slide and suddenly it falls apart]''
:'''Wheezie''': Uh-oh. Hm, maybe those weren't extras. Zak would've known how to put it together. Oh, Zaky?!
:''[Elsewhere, Zak is helping Emmy and Cassie with the drum trampoline. Wheezie walks up.]''
:'''Wheezie''': We had a teensy little problem. Could you please help us? ''[shows him the broken slide parts]''
:'''Zak''': Hmm... Huh? ''[takes out a blueprint of the slide]'' Wheezie, did you follow the directions?
:'''Wheezie''': Ah, who needs those boring things?
:'''Ord and Max''': We do!
:'''Wheezie''': Okay, okay! Following the directions is Zak's job, but I can do it too! Thanks for the help, Zak. ''[takes it from him]'' Let's see. Where's the thingamajig?
:''[Zak is working on the trampolines as Emmy and Cassie pull on the elastic bed]''
:'''Zak''': A little more... Not too tight... Not too loose...
:'''Cassie and Emmy''': '''ZAK!!!!'''
:'''Zak''': Sorry. Usually Wheezie tells me when we're done. ''[finishes tightening the bolts]'' There. Three perfect drum trampolines.
:'''Emmy''': Yes! Now I can show you my famous bottoms-up bounce! ''[she tries to bounce but falls on her back as it dents in]'' Whoa!!
:'''Cassie''': That's your big bounce?
:'''Emmy''': No way! Zak, the trampoline is saggy!
:'''Zak''': I know. This way we can jump nice and slow.
:'''Emmy''': Slow?! But we need bouncy! You can't do good flips and knee drops unless it's bouncy!
:'''Cassie''': Let me try. ''[she jumps and falls too]'' Whoa!! It's... it's...
:'''Both''': Boring...
:'''Zak''': I guess Wheezie would've known how to make it fun. Wheezie, can you come here?
:''[The others are working on the slide and Wheezie comes over]''
:'''Zak''': What's wrong with our trampolines?
:'''Wheezie''': ''[pulls on the still loose ropes]'' You just need to tighten the ropes an extra squeeze, so they'll be extra bouncy.
:''[Zak does just that; he tests the trampoline]''
:'''Zak''': Thanks, Wheezie. I knew you'd know what to do. That's bouncy, all right.
:'''Cassie''': Okay, Emmy, show us your big bounce!
:''[Emmy bounces and flips flawlessly]''
:'''Cassie''': Wow!
:'''Emmy''': Come on, you try!
:'''Cassie''': ''[bounces on it]'' Whee! He-he-he-he! ''[gets off]'' Hey, Emmy, is there anything else we can do on here besides jump?
:'''Emmy''': Well...
:'''Ord''': Hey, everybody! Step right up!
:'''Max''': The xylophone slide is now ready to go!
:''[It is perfectly constructed]''
:'''Wheezie''': Whoo-hoo! See you later, alligators! ''[she slides down cheering and lands hard on the ground]''
:'''Zak''': Wheezie, are you okay? Did you get a boo-boo? Are you bleeding?
:'''Wheezie''': It was fun! ...Except for the landing.
:'''Ord''': So now we have a great slide.
:'''Max''': With an icky landing. What are we going to do?
:''[Ord pulls out a sandwich]''
:'''Ord''': Have a snack?
:'''Zak''': ''[gets an idea]'' Why don't we put the slide and the trampoline...
:'''Wheezie''': Together?
:'''Zak''': Exactly!
:''[All they move the trampolines in front of the slide]''
:'''Wheezie''': Is this the right spot, Zaky?
:'''Zak''': A little over... Just right!
:'''Wheezie''': Let's try it.
:'''Zak''': You first, Wheezie.
:'''Wheezie''': ''[takes her place]'' Look out below!!!!!!! ''[she slides down and bounces across the trampolines coming in for a perfect landing]'' Looooooove it! Zaky, you're up!
:'''Zak''': All by myself? Only me? Nobody else? Will you come with me, Wheezie?
:'''Wheezie''': Sure.
:''[They sit at the top of the slide together]''
:'''Zak''': Ready, Freddy?
:'''Wheezie''': Okey-dokey, artichoke-y!
:''[They slide and bounce laughing and shouting happily]''
:'''Zak''': That was fun!
:''[The others cheer them happy]''
:'''Others''': Let's go!/I wanna try!/Me next!/Don't forget me!
:''[Quetzal comes back]''
:'''Quetzal''': Fantástico! You did a great job putting everything together. Is it fun?
:'''Wheezie''': It's fun-tastic! But I have an idea that will make it even better. ''[whispers into Zak's ear]''
:'''Zak''': Great idea, Wheezie.
:''[They both whisper to Quetzal]''
:'''Max''': What idea? I don't get it.
:'''Wheezie''': Quetzal, can we?
:'''Zak''': Pretty please, with a fireball on top?
:'''Emmy''': Tell me. I wanna know!
:'''Quetzal''': ''[gets out the crystals from before]'' I think it's a wonderful idea.
:'''Cassie''': What is?
:'''Quetzal''': ''[as Zak and Wheezie take the crystals]'' Fly into the air and say: &quot;Alakazoo, stick like glue.&quot; Then rub the crystals together.
:'''Zak''': Come on, Wheezie!
:''[Both they hold hands and fly up]''
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': Alakazoo, stick like glue!
:''[They rub the crystals; a blinding flash of light as it comes down and it clears revealing Zak and Wheezie have returned to their original two-headed self.]''
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': Ha-ha, yeah!/We did it!
:''[They high five and fly around happily]''
:'''Max''': Now I get it!
:'''Cassie''': They're our Zak and Wheezie again!
:'''Emmy''': Definitely!

===''A Kite for Quetzal'' [1.13b]===
:'''Max''': I guess we'll just have to go home now. Huh, Emmy?
:'''Emmy''': Guess so, Max.

===''Dragon Drop'' [1.14a]===

===''Cassie Loves a Parade'' [1.14b]===
:'''Cassie''': I really, really wanted to ride on that float. It's not fair. It's just not fair. Whoa! ''[Cassie hits the tree, spider web and the flower!]'' It's just hate today.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': Uh, how are we gonna stop this thing?
:'''Emmy''': Easy. You can fly us out of here.
:'''Ord''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Zak''' and '''Wheezie''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Cassie''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Cassie''': Yeah. I was sad because I didn't get picked for the book float. ''[giggles]'' And I ended up having fun anyway.
:'''Emmy''': Let's go.
:'''Quetzal''': Have fun, niños.
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time.
:'''Emmy''': Hey I never did get my chocolate milkshake.
:'''Mom''': ''Emmy? Max? Anyone for ice cream?''
:'''Emmy''': Coming, Mom.
:'''Max''': Hey, wait for me.

===''A Cool School'' [1.15a]===
:'''Ord''': Slam dunk... 
:'''Max''': For Air Ord-an!

===''Max's Comic Adventure'' [1.15b]===

===''It Happened One Nightmare'' [1.16a]===

===''Staying Within the Lines'' [1.16b]===
:''[The next scene shows Dragon Land not in color and it's all white and monochrome.]''
:'''Ord''': Max! Emmy! I'm so glad you got here.
:'''Max''': Hey, where's our hug, Ord?
:'''Ord''': Not now, Max. We got work to do.
:'''Quetzal''': Hola, niños!
:'''Emmy''': Hola, Quetzal!
:'''Max''': Hi!
:'''Quetzal''': We all have something very important to do. Look over there.
:'''Emmy''': What happen to all the color?
:'''Cassie''': It got washed away by a big rain storm.
:'''Ord''': Even our school.
:'''Quetzal''': Si, that's why I brought these. You all go to the Stickleback Mountains. I'll color in the School in the Sky, you can help color in the rest.
:'''Emmy''': But you can't color in a real mountain.
:'''Quetzal''': In Dragon Land, you can!
:'''Max''': I love to color. This is gonna be fun!
:'''Ord''': Come on, everyone! Let's go!
:'''Quetzal''': But be careful, niños! There's a giant sleeping in the Stickleback Mountains and if he's awaken, he can be quite grumpy!
:'''Max''': Wow! It looks like a giant coloring book!
:'''Emmy''': Yeah! Before it's been colored!
:''[Ord and Cassie landed, Max and Emmy got off of their backs. They see the Knuckerhole, hear Zak and Wheezie's voice and see them pop out of the Knuckerhole in the air.]''
:'''Emmy''': Zak! Wheezie!
:''[Zak and Wheezie land on the ground]''
:'''Wheezie''': We came as soon as we got Quetzal's message!
:'''Zak''': Wh-what's wrong?
:'''Max''': There's no color.
:'''Wheezie''': No color? Haaatte it! it looks so...
:'''Zak''': Neat and clean? '''LOOOOVE IT!''' ''[laugh]'' Why messing it up by coloring it?
:'''The Gang''': ''[annoying]'' '''ZAK!!!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;85%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': That leaves a knucker hole for you and me, Wheezie...
:'''Wheezie''': ''[filling the brush with paint of various colors]'' Oooooooh, I just love coloring, it's so... so... colorful! 
:''[They go to the knucker hole with a paintbrush and Wheezie paints it with all the colors of the rainbow]''
:'''Zak''': ''[scolding her]'' Wheezie... Knucker holes are supposed to be brown.
:'''Wheezie''': Uh-uh... They're prettier in rainbow... 
:''[Zak won't let him paint the knucker hole that color and Wheezie throws the paintbrush with paint in his snout, much to his disgust.]''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[laugh]'' You look prettier in rainbow too, Zaky.

===''Follow the Dots'' [1.17a] ===

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emmy''': Like Mexican chili pepper. I know. I'll count them in Spanish. ''Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis.'' That's 6.

:'''Max''': Look, Ord. Dandelions!
:'''Ord''': One, two... three, four, five, six... ( ''groaning '' ) seven. ( ''sneezes'' )
:'''Max''': Bless you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': I found another dot!
:'''Ord''': I don't see anything we can count.
:'''Max''': I do. ''Stinky-dink bugs!'' ( ''muffled'' ) You write the number this time, because I gotta hold my nose.
:'''Ord''': ( ''muffled'' ) Okay, Max.
:'''Max''': One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Phew!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish with all my heart to go back home until next time.
:'''Emmy''': Let's do some more connect the dots, Max.
:'''Max''': Here's one.
:'''Emmy''': I wonder what it's a picture of.
:'''Max''': Maybe, a race car, or a dinosaur. Or a...
:'''Max and Emmy''': ''Norm The Number Gnome!''
( ''music song ends'' )

===''A Smashing Success'' [1.17b]===

:''[After Wheezie blamed Cassie and said it was Cassie who broke her trumpet and after Emmy's lie got her --Cassie-- and Zak in trouble.]''
:'''Cassie''': ''[crying --and to Emmy]'' '''THANKS A LOT, EMMY!''' 
:''[Cassie cries. That is, after Emmy's lie got her --Cassie-- in trouble when Wheezie pinned the blame on her. Then, Cassie says...!]'' 
:'''Cassie''': ''[in between tears]'' '''NOW WHEEZIE IS NOT SPEAKING TO ME EVER AGAIN, AND I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!'''
:''[Cassie says that thanks to Emmy, Wheezie is not going to speak to her again. And she didn't do anything. After Cassie accuses Emmy --for making Wheezie blame her-- she resumes crying. When Emmy --so she would not get in trouble with Wheezie for breaking her trumpet-- did not tell Wheezie, who had blamed both Zak and Cassie. So Emmy knew her lie had gotten both Zak and Cassie in such trouble.]''
:'''Max''': We have to tell Quetzal.
:'''Emmy''': Max? Wait!
''[Meanwhile, Quetzal was hanging some of the lights up on the shack, when Emmy and Max came up to tell him the situation.]''
:'''Max''': ''[panting]'' Emmy's in BIG trouble, because she wouldn't tell.
:'''Quetzal''': Wouldn't tell what, Em?
:'''Emmy''': Uh, a story. I mean, I needed to ask you a question, Quetzal, and I, uh... I have to tell you a story to do it.
:'''Quetzal''': I see. I think.
:'''Emmy''': Well! Uh... There's this little mouse with ribbon in her hair.
:'''Quetzal''': ''Sí.''
:'''Emmy''': And she accidentally broke something that belonged to a two-headed turtle.
:'''Quetzal''': ''Sí,'' go on.
:'''Emmy''': And, well, the Little Mouse didn't know how to tell the Two-Headed Turtle what she did. What should she have done, Quetzal?
:'''Quetzal''': Well! If ''I'' were that Little Mouse with a red ribbon on my hair, I would have stood up straight, taken a deep breath, and told ''Wheezie'' that I broke her trumpet.
:'''Emmy''': Huh? How did you know?!
:'''Max''': I didn't tell him.
:'''Quetzal''': It's not important how I knew. What is important is what you are going to do about it.
:'''Emmy''': I guess if a friend broke something of mine, I'd want them to tell me.
:'''Ord''': Tell you what? ''[He and the others come by.]''
:'''Max''': That she broke it.
:'''Cassie''': Who broke it?
:'''Max''': The Little Mouse.
:'''Zak''': Broke what?
:'''Emmy''': Your trumpet.
:'''Wheezie''': A little mouse broke my trumpet?
:'''Max''': ''[chuckles]''
:'''Emmy''': OK, I'm just going to do it. ''[draws deep breath]'' I broke your trumpet, Wheezie! I thought you'd be mad at me so I hid it. Then, I tried to fix it, but that only made it worse, so I asked Cassie to tell you, and, well, that didn't help either.
:'''Wheezie''': You should've just told me, Emmy, and then I wouldn't have made Zak or Cassie feel bad. ''[to Zak and Cassie]'' Sorry.
:'''Zak and Cassie''': That's OK, Wheezie.
:'''Emmy''': I know I should say I'm sorry. I bet no one wants to be ''my'' friend any more...
:'''Cassie''': Of course we do.
:'''Emmy''': You do?! ''[Cassie nodded]'' ''[to Wheezie]'' How about you, Wheezie?
:'''Wheezie''': I'm pretty glad you told me, Emmy. Of course we're still friends. ''[She and Emmy hug each other.]''
:'''Ord''': We'll just have to play our song another time.
:'''Quetzal''': Maybe not, Ord. ''[He sprinkled some of his magic on the trumpet, which gets fixed.]''
:'''Wheezie''': My trumpet! You've fixed it, for real!
:'''Emmy''': Thank you, Quetzal.
:'''Cassie''': You're the greatest!
:'''Zak''': It's almost show time.
:'''Ord''': Come on!
-----
:'''Max''': Uh, Emmy, I have something to tell you.
:'''Emmy''': What's wrong now?
:'''Max''': I think I broke your dolly.
:'''Emmy''': Oh, that old thing? It's always falling apart.
:'''Max''': You mean, it's already broken, and you're not mad at me?
:'''Emmy''': Definitely not.
:'''Max''': Good, because... Remember your tea set?
:'''Emmy''': Max?! ''[giggles]''

===''Quibbling Siblings'' [1.18a]===

*'''Zak''': '''NO SLEEP, NO BREAKFAST, NO NOTHING! AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I CANNOT FIND MY MAGNIFYING GLASS!'''
*''[By that saying of Zak, Zak is not going to speak to Wheezie ever again once he gets back his sleep, breakfast, and magnifying glass.]'' 
&lt;hr width=&quot;70%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Wheezie''': I wonder why Zakie is so mad at me.
*'''Emmy''': Well, you made him angry.
*'''Wheezie''': ''[in disbelief]'' '''ARE YOU KIDDING?!''' Name one thing that I could possibly do to make him mad.
*'''Max''': ''[for first reason]'' You kept him up all night with your banging. 
*'''Wheezie''': All right! Name two things that I could have done. 
*'''Emmy''': ''[for second reason]'' You ruined his breakfast.
*'''Max''': ''[also for second reason]'' And you took his magnifying glass. 
*'''Wheezie''': You think that is why Zak is so made at me? 
*''[Zak takes off his alone cone.]''
*'''Zak''': ''[in a sing-songy voice]'' '''♪ I CAN'T HEAR YOU!♪ '''
*''[He gets angry.]'' 
*'''Zak''': '''BUT YES!'''
*''[He puts the cone back on his head and resumes hiding in it.]''

===''Wheezie's Hairball'' [1.18b]===

===''A Tall Tale'' [1.19a]===

===''Stormy Weather'' [1.19b]===
:'''Max''': Super Max Isn't Afraid Of You Know What?
:'''Emmy''': Definitley!

===''Blowin' in the Wind'' [1.20a]===

===''No Hitter'' [1.20b]===
:&quot;'Max&quot;': I Didn't Mean to make Emmy Sick.

===''Do Not Pass Gnome'' [1.21a]===

===''Treasure Hunt'' [1.21b]===

===''The Jumping Bean Express'' [1.22a]===

===''Get Offa My Cloud'' [1.22b]===

===''Backwards to Forwards'' [1.23a]===

===''Sounds Like Trouble'' [1.23b]===

===''The Greatest Show in Dragon Land'' [1.24a]===

===''Prepare According to Instructions'' [1.24b]===

===''Wheezie's Last Laugh'' [1.25a]===
:'''Zak''': ''[to Mr. Pop]'' Mr. Pop? I have a great sound for you! 
:''[Zak takes away Mr. Pop's laugh.]''
:'''Mr. Pop''': Really? A very funny one? 
:''[After Zak and Wheezie stole Mr. Pop's laugh, they replace it with a donkey sound. The donkey sound --which Mr. Pop had stole-- must have came from a donkey. And he --Mr. Pop-- had replaced the donkey bray on the donkey with a different animal sound.]''
:'''Mr. Pop''': ''[Insert donkey brays here]''! '''MY LAUGH!''' ''[Insert donkey brays here]''!
:'''Wheezie''': Now you know how it feels to lose your favorite ''[imitates laugh]''!
:''[The incident makes Mr. Pop feel how Wheezie felt when he took away her laugh. First, he switched the sounds of all the farm animals. He made the cow sound like a frog, the rooster sound like a cow, and the frog sound like a rooster. And now, he took away Wheezie's laugh too. In the meantime, Mr. Pop says...!]'' 
:'''Mr. Pop''': ''[in between donkey brays]'' I sure do! And it feels awful!
:''[After Mr. Pop says this, he resumes donkey brays.]''
:'''Zak''': ''[to Mr. Pop]'' I will give you your laugh back, if you give my sister her laugh back. 
:'''Mr. Pop''': ''[in between donkey brays]'' Okay. You win.

===''Frog Prints'' [1.25b]===

===''Crash Landings'' [1.26a]===

===''The Big Cake Mix-up'' [1.26b]===
:'''Zak''': Wait! Something’s not right. ''[looks over the stuff on the table]'' Hmmm, I know. The bowl is going to be too small, and everything’s gonna spill and make a big mess!
:'''Cassie''': Maybe there’s a bigger bowl in the cupboard.
:'''Zak''': Good idea.
&lt;hr width=&quot;82%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': Perfect! It's time to bake it!
:'''Zak''': Oh, no! We can't!
:'''Max''': Why not?
:'''Zak''': 'Cause we're not allowed to use the oven without Mom... ''[&quot;Mom&quot; is mistakenly heard as &quot;Bob&quot;]''
:'''Wheezie''': I can fix that... '''Mom???''
&lt;hr width=&quot;82%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mom''': ''Max, Emmy!''
:'''Emmy''': Uh-oh.
:'''Max''': What?
:'''Emmy''': I think. There's something we didn't plan too well.
:'''Max''': What?
:'''Mom''': ''Dinnertime!''
:'''Both''': Aw...

===''Quetzal's Magic Pop-Up Book'' [1.27a]===

===''My Way or Snow Way'' [1.27b]===

===''Sand Castle Hassle'' [1.28a]===
:'''Zak''': They're coming!
:'''Ord''': The turtle dragons?
:'''Zak''': No, the waves!

===''True Blue Friend'' [1.28b]===
:'''Max''': Then, follow me to Dragon Land.

===''Zak Takes a Dive'' [1.29a]===
:'''Quetzal''': Ord Por favor leave some water for the lake for the others 
:''[Ord Smiles]'' 
:'''Max''' Come on let's make a big splash like Ord!
:'''Quetzal:''': Don't forget to put on your dragon wings
:'''Max:''': Dragon wings Cool

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[They try to swim but use the wrong arm strokes]''
:'''Wheezie''': Was that better?
:'''Zak''': No! We didn't go anywhere.

===''Under the Weather'' [1.29b]===

===''My Emmy or Bust'' [1.30a]===
:''[Max hears Emmy close the door.]'' 
:'''Max''': Oh, no! Huh? 
:''[Emmy goes into the car --to go shopping at the grocery store with their dad-- unaware of the dragons calling.]''
:'''Max''': '''EMMY...!? YOU GOT TO COME BACK!''' ''[echoes]'' Where did you go?
:''[The car drives away. Mom --Emmy and Max's mother-- comes out of her bedroom. And she asks Max...!]'' 
:'''Mom''': ''[from in the hall --and offscreen]'' Max? Did you call me?
:''[But their mom is unaware that Emmy was going grocery shopping with their dad. And Max was left behind --that is, to go to Dragon Land without Emmy. What is more, Emmy --on the other hand-- is going shopping with their dad. That is, even though she was supposed to go to Dragon Land with Max.]'' 
:'''Max''': ''[calls back]'' No, Mom! 
:''[Mom --Max and Emmy's mother-- leaves, blissfully unaware. Max turns back to himself. And he says...!]'' 
:'''Max''':  The dragons are calling! I just don't want to go without Emmy.  But you have no idea... '''WHAT IF THEY NEED ME!?''' 
:''[Max takes out the dragon scale. And he says the rhyme.]''
:'''Max''': ''[with the dragon scale]'' ''I wish, I wish,'' 
:''with all my heart,'' 
:''To fly with dragons in a land apart.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the end.]''
:'''Emmy''': ''[as she gets back home from the supermarket with their dad]'' You should have come, Max! Dad gave me a quarter so I could ride on the big blue dinosaur which was in front of the store. 
:'''Max''': That is nothing. Because I went to Dragon Land by myself. ''[he tells Emmy about his adventure without her]'' I was captain of a submarine. And I was searching for a missing sea dragon. 
:'''Emmy''': Oh, Max! Am I glad to see you!
:''[Emmy talks to Max about the dinosaur at the supermarket. Their dad had given Emmy a quarter and Emmy she got to ride the dinosaur in front of the supermarket.]'' 
:'''Emmy''': Just because I got to ride the dinosaur (at the supermarket), you do not need to make up a story.

===''Light My Firebreath'' [1.30b]===
:'''Emmy''': Ready.
:'''Max''': Here goes.
:''[bubbling]'' 
:'''Emmy''': Let me try. ''[blows]'' 
:'''Max''': Blow harder.
:'''Emmy''': Ew. ''[laughs]'' Okay, enough volcanoes. Let's go to Dragon Land.
:'''Max''': Good idea.
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.

===''Follow the Leader'' [1.31a]===

===''Max and the Magic Carpet'' [1.31b]===

===''Rope Trick'' [1.32a]===

===''Baby Troubles'' [1.32b]===

===''Small Time'' [1.33a]===
:'''Ord''': That's weird. You wouldn't think they'd only send her backpack. ''[holds up Emmy's backpack]''
:'''Zak''': Huh? How come Emmy's backpack is here?
:'''Wheezie''': And Emmy isn't?
:'''Cassie''': Where'd you find that, Ord?
:'''Ord''': Right beside these flowers.
:'''Cassie''': Careful, Ord, those are shrinking violets. When they bloom, they shrink anything they touch!
:'''Ord''': ''[pulling his finger away]'' Oh!
:'''Wheezie''': Hey, what's this? ''[picks up the shrunken kickball]'' I found a marble that looks like a dragon ball.
:'''Cassie''': Say, that looks just like Emmy's kickball. It must've shrunk. ''[gasps]'' What if Max and Emmy touched the Shrinking Violets?
:'''Zak''': Well, then they'd shrink down to teeny, tiny... Oh, No! They shrunk!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': Monster caterpoozle! 
:'''Emmy''': It's just a regular caterpoozle.
:'''Max''': We're tiny!

===''Roller Coaster Dragon'' [1.33b]===
:'''Wheezie''': I want to ride the roller coaster dragon so bad I can taste it!
:'''Ord''': Really? What does it taste like?
:'''Cassie''': Ha ha ha! It's just an expression, Ord!
:'''Ord''': Oh. What's an expression taste like?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': Hurry up! We have to get our snacks and get back in line before the roller coaster comes back! 
:'''Server Dragon''': Do I look an octopus, kid? I only have six arms!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mom''': ''Max! Emmy! I'm going to the store to get dinner and ice cream. Be back in 15 minutes!''
:'''Kids''': Ice cream!?!
:'''Max''': Only 15 minutes? I can wait that long, easy!
:'''Emmy''': Me, too. Let's draw.
:''[They sit down and draw pictures]''
:'''Max''': I drew a circle. Your turn.
:'''Emmy''': ''There's a triangle.''
:''[Suddenly they realize what they drew]''
:'''Max''': Oh, no! It looks like an ice cream cone!
:'''Kids''': MOM!
:''[They realize they have to wait as the view goes black]''

===''Up, Up and Away'' [1.34a]===
:'''All''': Good. Whoa! ''[all screaming]'' 

===''Wild Time'' [1.34b]===

===''Bad Share Day'' [1.35a]===
:''[Emmy finds a keyboard in the playroom and starts playing a song on it. She sings [[w:Three Blind Mice|Three Blind Mice]]. That is, as she sings...!]'' 
:'''Emmy''': ''[singing while playing her toy keyboard]'' ''Three blind mice, three blind mice,'' 
:''See how they run, see how they run.''
:'''Max''': ''[giggles]'' That's funny! 
:''[Next Emmy tries another song. It is called [[w:Baa Baa Black Sheep|Baa Baa Black Sheep]]. That is, as she sings...!]'' 
:'''Emmy''': ''[singing while playing her toy keyboard again]'' ''Baa, baa, black sheep,'' 
:''Have you any wool?''
:''[Max wants to play the keyboard too. So he says...!]''
:'''Max''': Let me try.
:''[Emmy refuses to let Max have a turn. And she says...!]'' 
:'''Emmy''': ''[angrily]'' '''NAH-UH! I AM PLAYING WITH IT! (I HAD IT FIRST!)'''
:''[Max tries to tell their mom. That is, about Emmy not sharing the keyboard. So he says...!]''
:'''Max''': ''[to Mom]'' '''MOM?! EMMY IS NOT SHARING THE KEYBOARD (AGAIN)!'''
:'''Mom''': ''[from outside the playroom --and to Max]'' ''Try to find something else until it's your turn, Max.''
:''[Max --who quickly buries the hatchet-- completely forgets about the keyboard and then, regards to Dragon Land.]''
:'''Max''': Maybe Ord has something cool to share with me. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cassie''': If I don't take my crayon back now, it'll be too late! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emmy''': You can use it.
:'''Max''': I didn't want to use, Emmy. I only wait it to share it. Can't we play it together?

===''Whole Lotta Maracas Goin' On'' [1.35b]===
:'''Emmy''': ''Wake up, sleepyhead.''
:'''Max''': ''[yawns]'' I'm tired.

===''Ord Sees the Light'' [1.36a]===

===''The Ugly Dragling'' [1.36b]===

===''Out with the Garbage'' [1.37a]===

===''Lights, Camera, Dragons'' [1.37b]===
:'''Wheezie''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!''' What's that?
:'''Emmy''': It's my dad's video camera. I'm taping you right now!
:'''Wheezie''': Ooh! I just love being in videos, they're so... ''[makes faces at the camera and laughs]''
:'''Zak''': ''[scolding hers]'' Wheezie! We you're making us look silly! ''[approaching the camera]'' '''HI, MOM! HI DAD! IT'S ME, ZAK!'''  ''[&quot;Mom&quot; is mistakenly heard as &quot;Bob&quot;]''
:''[When suddenly Ord appears worried covering Zak and Wheezie and looking for Cheddar, his mouse]''
:'''Ord''': Hey! Did you two see Cheddar?
:'''Zak''': ''[pushing it]'' Who cares about cheese, Ord? You're interrumpting my scene! ''[he and Wheezie make funny faces at the camera]''
:'''Ord''': I'm not talking about cheese... I'm looking from my dragon mouse, Cheddar. He ran into that knucker hole.
:'''Wheezie''': So that's who scared Zak.
:'''Zak''': He zipped right under out feet! Nearly tripped me.
&lt;hr width=&quot;70%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': Cheddar!
:'''Quetzal''': ''No...'' It's tuna fish.
:'''Wheezie''': ''[laugh]'' No, no, no, Cheddar's the name of the mouse!
:'''Zak''': He's Ord pet, but he run away.
:''[Cheddar runs away with Quetzal's sandwich and Emmy records the scene]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;70%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Quetzal''': ''Jamón''.
:'''Max''': Ham!
:'''Quetzal''': ''Tomate''.
:'''Max''': Tomato!
:'''Quetzal''': ''Mostaza''.
:'''Max''': Mustard! ''[laughs]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;70%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': More cheese!
:'''Ord''': I like olives!
:'''Zak''': No ''jalapeños'', please.
&lt;hr width=&quot;70%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': ''[while Emmy is recording]'' I'm captain submarine of the sandwich patrol, and you're toast! ''[showing Cheddar]''
:''[Quetzal, Ord, Cassie, Zak and Wheezie gasp surprised and then Emmy and Max laugh.]''

===''Bully for You'' [1.38a]===

===''The Great White Cloud Whale'' [1.38b]===
:'''Captain Scallywag: Arrgh! Ooh, we've lost him. Ohh, I'll never see me ship again...
:'''Emmy''': Don't give up, Captain Scallywag.
:'''Cassie''': Yeah! Maybe we can help you think of another way to catch the Cloud Whale.
:'''Wheezie''': Oh!... oh!... oh!... I bet he'd come if he heard a nice whale song...
:'''Zak''': We don't know any whale songs. Do we?
:'''Wheezie''': Sure we do! ♪ Oh, where, oh, where has my big cloud whale gone?... ♪
:'''Zak''': ''[scolding hers]'' That's a dog song!
:'''Wheezie''': Not anymore... ♪ Oh, where, oh, where can he be? With his ears cut short... ♪
:'''Zak''': ''[scolding hers]''  Whales don't have any ears!
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ And his tail cut long, oh, please, come back to Wheezie. ♪ ''[she laughs while Zak gets angry]''
:'''Max''': Nice song! Too bad it didn't work...

===''To Do or Not to Do'' [1.39a]===
:'''Zak''': Please don't tell me we're really in the stomach of a giant Dragonocerous! 
:'''Glimmer''': Honey, you're really in the stomach of a giant Dragonocerous.
:'''Zak''': I told you not to tell me that!

===''Much Ado About Nodlings'' [1.39b]===

:''[In the grass, the little Nodlings are all arguing, shouting, fighting and yelling furiously in fury and they started kicking and punching over the broken wagon.]''
:'''Max''': Have you ever had a fight what are they saying?
:'''Wheezie''': They are have all argued!
:''[It is true --true to what Wheezie says. The nodlings are really furious fist, This Challenge Erupted Into A Violence Argument Of Fury, Angry, Mad.]'' 
:'''Zak''': Because you’ve never seen a fight this broken wagon! 
:'''Cassie''': And now they don’t have anything to carry their mush trees in!
:'''Max''': What’s a mush tree?
:'''Ord''': It’s like a war mushroom! Only it’s a war tree. Well, THAT'S a war dragons like us, but to the little Nodlings, these are really huge. And they cut them down, eat their fruit, and chop them up into firewood to keep themselves warm in the winter. But without their wagon, the Nodlings start arguing very angry without anything to carry their mush trees home. And then they would be cold and even worse, heartbreaking! 
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [Offscreen, Growls Loudly And Then He Violently Fires A Gun To stop an argument, outraged evilly] '''SILENCE!!!!!!!!'''
:'''Ord''': ''[frightened]'' It’s the Giant of Nod! 
:''[The Giant of Nod --furiously-- makes his way through the grass right up to the dragons. He eventually makes it to the pathway. And --almost that quickly-- he furiously storms to the entrance to the nodlings's house where he and the little nodlings stop from fighting.]''
:'''Wheezie''': Huh, I still can’t believe that giant was being so mean, nasty, rude and bossy!
:''[Wheezie growls angrily, realizing too late he's been exposed.]'' 
:'''Zak''': [sternly] You don't scare me. You deliberately disobeyed!
:''[The Giant of Nod -- Suddenly Snaps And He Launches Out A Megaphone Very Angry.]'' 
:'''The Giant of Nod''': ''[Thunders Angrily From Echoes In His Speaker Into An Rage Outburst To the Little Nodling Military] '''YOU WILL GONNA BE THE NODLING SOLDIERS, I AM THE GIGANTIC BOSSY KING SERGEANT, YOUR HEIRS!!!!!'''
:''[The little nodlings salutes their leader --the Giant of Nod-- the wagon that Max broke. The Giant of Nod turns to the little nodlings. And when they --the little nodlings-- snarl and snap at the Giant of Nod what about happened to their wagon --and about a child boy breaking it-- they are very angry. That is, and so is the Giant of Nod. After the nodlings --angrily-- tell their leader the Giant of Nod, the Giant of Nod commands, with orders to march towards this. He --the Giant of Nod-- gets marching orders the little nodlings said to him. And he shakes his fist in rages out of series bossiness to Max, Emmy, and the dragon group, then he angrily screams into his megaphone which get more tense by flinches lividly the old wagon.]''
:'''The Giant of Nod''': ''[losing control of his rage and yelling from echoes in his speaker, violently stomps on the broken wagon]'' '''YOU WILL JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ALL OF THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEIRS IN FIRED!!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!?!'''
:'''All''': [in unison, furious loudly] '''SIR, YES, SIR, KING SERGEANT!!!!''' ''[The Giant of Nod --when he angrily screams &quot;'''DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!?!'''&quot;-- he commands an barking order. After commanding an barking order, everyone --Emmy, Ord, Cassie, and Zak and Wheezie-- in response to him --the Giant of Nod-- look at Max. And they angrily arguing, shouting, fighting and yelling furiously and they started kicking and punching each other.]'' 
:'''Max''': ''[While Emmy, Ord, Cassie, and Zak and Wheezie arguing, shouting, fighting and yelling furiously and they started kicking and punching each other, then he irritating turns to the Giant of Nod threateningly enraged]'' '''NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!''' You are out of order, you jerk!!! You just a show-off and boast, I did because sometimes I'm too bossy!! 
:''[The Giant of Nod angrily turns to Max.]'' 
:'''The Giant of Nod''': ''[from echoes in his speaker --and to Max]'' '''I'M THE BOSSY KING SERGEANT!!! I WILL BOTH YOU AND THEN DWEEB IS STUPID ONE DAY, YOUR GOING TO COMMAND YOU TO GUILTY, I SAY, GUILTY!!! GUILTY, GUILTY!!!! I'LL SMASH YOUR WAGON!!! HEAR ME!?!?'''
:''[By the saying of the Giant of Nod, he --even though Max is difficult being angry king when the giant of nod boss everyone into doing frivolous things at the wrong time he was-- says Max from fighting it deliberately. And he demands that Max losing control of his outrage without his little nodlings's wagon immediately.]'' 
:'''Max''': [mad] '''THAT'S IT!!''' Do this, do that! You're just too bossy to break it. It was way too bossy would never do what you did! Never! So you '''LEAVE ME ALONE!!!'''
:'''The Giant of Nod''': ''[becoming enraged from echoes in his speaker --and to Max]'' '''QUIET!!! I WILL DESTROY YOU GUYS!!! I’m never let you again! Never, Never, NEVER letting mention that name in my presence, You are one with the order of the Sith Lords. Henceforth, you shall be known as Young Sergeant without hear of you going to FIGHT WITH NO NODLINGS TO CARRY OUR MUSH TREES!!!!!!!!!'''
:'''Max''': [yelling loudly ticked off] '''I'M GOING TO BE THE KILLER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?! YOU, ARE, FIRED!!!'''
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [angry] '''I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!''' 
:'''Max''': [thunders angrily] '''YOU ARE FIRED!!!'''
:'''The Giant Of Nod''': [angrily frustration] '''I'D HATE YOU!!!!!'''
:'''Max''': [losing control of his outrage, angrily yells] '''I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!!!!!!!!'''
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [loud frustration] '''SHUT UP, JERK!!!'''
:'''Max''': [angry roars] '''I WISH I WILL NEVER BEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' 
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [frustration lividly] '''THAT'S IT!! GET THE SARGENT OUT IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!! I'LL SMASH YOUR BROKEN WAGON!!!!!!!
:''[So the Giant of Nod is very angry without it; Because he angrily growls, furiously commands the little nodlings having no place to carry their mush trees. That is, as he storms off in anger and says --in unison, enraged echoes on the megaphone-- &quot;'''HE ADMITS MY NODLINGS WITH NO PLACE TO EXPLODE OUR MUSH TREES!!! I'D HATE YOU!!!!!'''&quot;. So he barked orders Max to go away without fix his little nodlings's wagon.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At dragon's military school, Sergeant Max commands the nodlings the &quot;wagon section&quot; of his bulldozer so they can carry their mush trees. That is, to replace the broken wagon.]'' 
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [It sure is becoming angry] Recruits, you've lost your temper, so you become a loser!! We're doomed who’s being such a bully!! It's your fault because you were going our separate ways forever. So, this is… This is your dumb the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous straight to stomp your guts out! Do you deny it, Max!?!
:'''Max''': [salutes] '''Sir, WRONG, sir!! WRONG, sir!!!'''
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [sighs then smiles to apologizes about being difficult being still wrecked them and the king, even though it was on purpose and boss everyone into doing frivolous things at the wrong time.] Oh, Good. Well Done, Max. Thank You. Now You're Not A Sergeant. You're good, kid. Outstanding! As long as I'm around you're second best. I'm sorry I was barking order at you. It's just take some time cut down more masteries than ever, but together, we will build my nodlings will be able to our army. I'll show them.
:'''Max''': I'm sorry I was so cross. 
:'''The Giant of Nod''': I know you don't like argument because sometimes I'm too bossy.
:'''Max''': I'm sorry I yelled at you, Mr. Nod.
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [forgives him and accepts his apology, comforting] Me too.

===''Don't Bug Me!'' [1.40a]===
:'''Emmy''': ''[finding Max in the playroom]'' Max? ''[Notices a rubber spider and shrieks]''
:'''Max''': Scared ya!

===''Over and Over'' [1.40b]===

==Season 2 (2001-2002)==
===''Lucky Stone'' [2.01a]===
:'''Max''': Pilot to co-pilot. Ready for take off.
:'''Emmy''': Ready, Captain Max. 

( ''grunting'' )

( ''laughing'' )

:'''Emmy''': Good flying. Now, it's my turn.
:'''Max''': I know where we could fly next.
:'''Emmy''': Definitely.
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish with all my heart to fly with dragons in a land apart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': Hello! Anybody there?
:'''Emmy''': Zak? Wheezie? Cassie?
:'''Max''': Ord? Where is everybody? Wait. Watch me skip this rock. 2 times!
:'''Emmy''': Cool. Let me try. Oh, well.
:'''Max''': Whoa! Look at this.
:'''Emmy''': It's shaped like a heart.
:'''Max''': Watch it jump. Ta-da!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': Aw, it was ''nothing''. ( ''no audio'' )

( ''whistle blows'' )

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time.
:'''Max''': Watch me fly!
:'''Emmy''': Max, what are you doing?
:'''Max''': 3 loop-de-loops, 4 aerial zig-zags, and a round-spring-back-hand-off!

===''The Mefirst Wizard'' [2.01b]===

===''Cassie Catches Up'' [2.02a]===
:'''Cassie''': ''[sighs]'' I feel so bad I let Emmy down.

:''[first lines]''
:'''Emmy''': [making shadow puppets] See? This one's a dog and this one's a rabbit. Can you guess what this one is?
:'''Max''': Um, a bat?
:'''Emmy''': Right! And he's coming to get you...

:''[last lines]''
:'''Max''': We could have a jumping contest and a spinning with your eyes shut contest.
:'''Mom''': Max! Emmy! Time for lunch!
:'''Emmy''': How about a contest to see who can eat the most spaghetti?
:'''Max''': I'd win that!
:'''Emmy''': Not if I get the spaghetti first!
:'''Max''': Heh heh, wait up!

===''Very Berry'' [2.02b]===
:''[first lines]''
:'''Max''': Hey, look, Emmy. I have a banana nose.
:'''Emmy''': Hold on. I've almost finished my book. Are you done with your puzzle yet?

:''[last lines]''
:'''Max and Emmy''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time.
:'''Emmy''': Hey, look out the window! It's started to rain. And you know what that means.
:'''Max''': Lots and lots of mud puddles!
:'''Emmy''': Wait for me!

:'''Ord''': Ohh... ''[his stomach starts making very loud noises]'' I've ate so many berries before... Should I... or shouldn't I? Well, maybe just a little bite.

:'''Max''': My Daddy once read me a story where a bear who got stuck in a hole. 'Cause he too much honey.
:'''Zak''': Really? How did he get out?
:'''Max''': He stayed there until he got thin again, then he popped out!

===''Finders Keepers'' [2.03a]===

===''Remember the Pillow Fort'' [2.03b]===
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ The wind blows a breezy through Wheezie's treezies... ♪
:'''Zak''': ''[annoying]'' Ohhhhhh... If I hear another song about the wind blowing through something like... Ohhhhhh...
:'''Wheezie''': ''[repentant]'' Oh... You right, you right.
:'''Max''': Hi, Zak and Wheezie, what's wrong?
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, hi, Max. We're supposed to bring a new song to our music lesson tomorrow and it's supposed to be about feelings, but we can't think of anything good.
:'''Zak''': And we've been trying for days!
:'''Wheezie''': Oh!... oh!... oh!... How about...? ♪ Ord is tall and Max is short, they both built a pillow fort... ♪
:'''Zak''': ''[scolding hers]'' Wheezie, feelings, like happy and sad!
:'''Wheezie''': I know, I know...
:'''Ord''': '''MAX, I CAN'T FIND ANYMORE PURPLE PILLOWS, I THINK YOU USED THEM ALL UP!'''
:'''Max''': That's because I'm making a purple fort and you're making a red fort, Ord.
:'''Ord''': But I wanted to make a tunnel just like yours!
:'''Max''': '''BUT YOU CAN'T, PURPLE'S MY COLOR AND RED IS YOURS!'''
:'''Ord''': '''FINE!''' I've never like purple anyway.
:'''Max''': '''WHAT'S WRONG WITH PURPLE?! PURPLE'S BETTER THAN RED!'''
:'''Ord''': '''NUH-UH! RED IS BETTER THAN PURPLE!'''
:'''Max''': '''IS NOT!'''
:'''Ord''': '''IS TOO!'''
:''[is repeated]''
:'''Zak''': Oh! Now this is good!
:'''Wheezie''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!'''
:'''Zak''': ♪ Is not! ♪
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Is too... ♪
:'''Zak''': ♪ Is not! ♪
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Is too... ♪
:'''Zak''': ♪ I'm mad! ♪
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Mad at you. ♪
:'''Max''': '''PURPLE'S GOOD!'''
:'''Ord''': '''RED IS BETTER!'''
:'''Emmy''': What are you yelling about?
:'''Ord''': '''MAX AND I ARE HAVING A FIGHT!'''
:'''Cassie''': What about?
:'''Max''': '''ORD THINKS IS RED FORT IS BETTER THAN MY PURPLE FORT!'''
:'''Ord''': '''MAX THINKS IS PURPLE FORT IS BETTER THAN MY RED FORT!'''
:'''Emmy''': Why fight? Both of your forts are nice.
:'''Cassie''': Yeah! They look great!
:'''Max''': But don't you think purple's great, Cassie?
:'''Ord''': But red is nice is too, Emmy, just like apples! I know you like apples!
:'''Emmy''': Well, red is pretty nice. Just look at it, Cassie...
:'''Cassie''': But that purple is the same color as grapes. I love grapes.
:'''Emmy''': '''YOU'RE WRONG! PURPLE ISN'T BETTER THAN RED!'''
:'''Cassie''': '''I'M NOT WRONG!'''
:''[They both regret their fight]''
:'''Cassie''': Wait! Why are we fighting?
:'''Emmy''': Ah... Let's go back and play hospital. ''[both withdraw]''
:'''Zak''': Oooooh! Let's put that in!
:'''Wheezie''': Okie-dokie!
:'''Max''': Come back!
:'''Ord''': '''YEAH! YOU NEVER TOLD US WHICH ONE YOU LIKED BEST!''' Ooooohhhhh... Max... This isn't any fun... I don't want to fight with you.
:'''Max''': Me either.
:'''Ord''': Really? Then you think red is better too?
:'''Max''': '''NO WAY!''' Purple's better...
:'''Both''': ''[sad]'' Awwwwwwwww...
:'''Ord''': How are we gonna stop fighting, Max?
:'''Max''': I don't know.
:''[Zak and Wheezie they return happy with an good new]''
:'''Zak''': We finally have our song! And it's full of feelings thanks to you two, listen!
:'''Wheezie''': We used to have fun all day!
:'''Zak''': We were happy and we played!
:'''Wheezie''': ''[as both they get angry]'' Now we're sad and we fight...
:'''Zak''': From the morning till the night...!
:''[They repeat all the above]''
:'''Wheezie''': '''THANKS, ORD! THANKS, MAX!'''
:''[Both withdraw very happy]''
:'''Max''': Zak and Wheezie are right, Ord, we used to have fun all day! We used to slide down the biggest mountains.
:'''Ord''': It was cold that day!
:'''Max''': And make music that everyone could dance to.
:'''Ord''': And we cooked yummy things in the kitchen. And played hide and snow seek till it was practically dark!
:'''Max''': Didn't we have a great time? And we'd fly everywhere on our magic carpet.
:'''Ord''': That was fun!
:'''Max''': And grab on the clouds that pull us way up into the sky!
:'''Ord''': And we made sandcastles and sandbombs... and sandwiches...
:'''Max''': ''[laughs]'' And you taught me how to swing on the jungle gym.
:'''Ord''': And you helped me learn to ride a bike. '''AND I WAS SO SURPRISED ON MY BIRTHDAY...!'''
:'''Max''': Ord, I want to be friends again, but I still like purple.
:'''Ord''': And I still like red...
:'''Max''': Come on, I know a way we can both get what we want.
:''[They both build a new fort with the red and purple pillows together and Cassie and Emmy peek out from behind a bush.]''
:'''Emmy''': What?
:''[Max and Ord finish setting up the fort and Emmy waves to them]''
:'''Max''': Come on down, you guys, come play in our new fort!
:'''Ord''': It's got lots of tunnels...
:'''Emmy''': But how did you two stop fighting so fast?
:'''Ord''': We used both our favorite colors and we made a really great fort. '''HURRY UP!'''
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': '''WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!''' ''[laughs]''

===''Big Funky Cloud'' [2.04a]===
:'''Emmy''': Yippee! We did it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': Look out!
:'''All''': Watch out!
:'''Ord''': Whoa!

===''Copy Cat'' [2.04b]===
:'''Kids''':  ( ''in unison'' ) I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme to go home, until next time.
:'''Mom''': ( ''shouts in the house at once'' ) ''Max! Emmy! I just got back time the market. Does anyone want the juice pop?''
:'''Kids''': ( ''in unison'' ) I do! 

( ''both laughing'' )

===''One Big Wish'' [2.05a]===
:'''Emmy''': '''MAX, YOU JUST GREW AGAIN!'''
:'''Ord''': '''YOU'RE AS BIG AS MUNGUS THE GIANT, AND THAT'S REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BIG!'''
:'''Max''': Better put these away, Wheezie, I don’t want to accidentally...
:''[Max grabs the bats but ends up crushing them to pieces]''
:'''Max''': ...break them.
:'''Wheezie''': ''[very annoyed]'' '''HEY! BIG GUY!'''
:'''Zak''': ''[also annoyed]'' '''NICE GOING, MAX...!'''

===''Breaking Up is Hard to Do'' [2.05b]===
:'''Wheezie''': '''STOOOOOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIIIT...!''' I just hate when you guys, especially over this... ''what do you call it.''
:'''Zak''': Yeah! Plus all this noise is giving me a headache!
:'''Emmy''': I think I how to settle this.
:'''Max''': Okay...
:'''Ord''': How, Emmy?
:'''Emmy''': We'll play ''&quot;eeny, meeny, miny, moe&quot;''.
:'''Ord''': What's that? It sounds scary!
:'''Emmy''': ''[laugh]'' Don't worry, Ord, it won't be scary, I'll see a rhyme and with each word i'll point to one of you and then the other. Whoever I'm pointing to when the rhyme ends, gets to take the piece home first.
:'''Max''': Well, okay...
:'''Ord''': I guess so...
:'''Emmy''': Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, catch a dragon by the toe, if he hollers let him go, eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
:''[Max tries to put himself in Ord's place]''
:'''Emmy''': ''[angry]'' '''MAX!'''
:'''Ord''': '''HOORAY, I'M WIN!'''
:'''Max''': Fine...
:'''Ord''': I'm going to show my mummy right away.

===''A New Friend'' [2.06a]===

===''Have No Fear'' [2.06b]===
:'''Max''': Too broken, too bouncy, too big.

===''Cassie the Green-Eyed Dragon'' [2.07a]===

===''Something's Missing'' [2.07b]===

===''A Crown for Princess Kidoodle'' [2.08a]===
:'''Emmy''': I'm so full. I don't think I'll be able to eat again for three days.
:'''Mom''': Emmy! Max! Dinner!
:''[kids giggle]''

===''Three's a Crowd'' [2.08b]===

===''Knuck Knuck, Who's Where?'' [2.09a]===
:'''Cassie''': ''Uh-oh. Which way?''
:'''Max''': ''[distant]'' ''Emmy. Where are you, Emmy?''
:'''Zak''': ''Where are you?''
:'''Max''': ''Cassie.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cassie''': There we're so many different ways to go. So, we mark the paths and we ask for directions, too.

===''Just Desserts'' [2.09b]===
:''[Mungus is sobbing]'' 
:'''Zak''': Look, it's Mungus.

===''Dragonberry Drought'' [2.10a]===

===''A Snowman for All Seasons'' [2.10b]===
:'''Mom''': ''Emmy, Max, I think you have spent enough time inside today. Why don't you go outside and some fresh air? You can play in the snow.''

===''I Believe in Me'' [2.11a]===
:'''Cassie''': ''[gasps]'' Emmy, Max.

===''Bye Bye Baby Birdie'' [2.11b]===

===''Back to the Storybook'' [2.12a]===
:'''Emmy''': Come on, Max. Today's the day Cassie bringing Kiki and Finn to the School in the Sky.
:'''Max''': I'm ready. I was waiting for you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cassie''': Kiki, Finn, you must be quiet! I'm sorry, Quetzal. Stop!
:'''Bryce''': No! Cassie! Let's get out of here!
:'''Cassie''': I think, they're tired of play with the toys.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Emmy wants to know what the sad face --on Goldilocks-- is for. That is, as she --Emmy--  asks Goldilocks...!]''
:'''Emmy''': ''[to Goldilocks]'' What is the matter, Goldilocks? 
:'''Goldilocks''': ''[before crying]'' I bumped into the dining room table. And I spilled all the porridge! 
:''[Goldilocks cries --after the accident she just made with the porridge.]''
:'''Goldilocks''': ''[crying]'' '''BOO HOO!'''
:''[Max, he says to Goldilocks...!]'' 
:'''Max''': All three bowls? 
:''[And Goldilocks says...!]'' 
:'''Goldilocks''': ''[in between tears]'' Yes. I cleaned up the mess. 
:''[After she --Goldilocks-- says this, she shows the group one of the porridge bowls. Then she says to Max and the rest of the gang...!]''
:'''Goldilocks''': ''[in between tears]'' But now there is no porridge left to eat! 
:''[Goldilocks resumes crying.]''

===''Dragon Scouts'' [2.12b]===

===''The Serpent's Trail'' [2.13a]===
:'''Norm''': That’s for me to know and for you to figure out. ''[laughs]'' By solving this puzzle. So far today, I’ve seen six different faces, including yours. So have I seen Cyrus or not?
:'''Wheezie''': Can you say it again?
:'''Norm''': Sure. So far today, I’ve seen six different faces, including yours. ''[laugh]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;85%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': So that's why Cyrus took your detective kit, Emmy...
:'''Ord''': To help him find the girls eggs!
:'''Emmy''': Of course! My magnifying glass would help them spot the tiny little holes where the eggs are hidden.
:'''Max''': We have to find Cyrus.
:'''Ord''': We have to stop him!
:'''Wheezie''': We have to save of itty-bitty eggs!
:'''Max''': ''[listen to Cyrus]'' There he is...!
:''[The gang runs to catch it]''
:'''Cyrus''': Come on, my dear little eggies... I know you're around here somewhere... Ah-ha! ''[dig in the sand]'' My treasure... Eggs, eggs and more eggs...!
:''[The gang finally catches him]''
:'''Cyrus''': Oh, oh...
:'''Emmy''': That's '''MY''' detective kit, Cyrus...
:'''Cyrus''': You're right, sorry, I never should have taken it without asking you... Here. ''[he gives her back the detective kit and starts taking the eggs]''
:'''Cassie''': Those aren't your eggs either, Cyrus!
:'''Cyrus''': But... but-but-but...!
:'''Everyone''': ''[in chorus]'' '''CYRUS!'''
:'''Cyrus''': Oh, alright. ''[puts the eggs down]'' Can't I have just one itty-bitty egg...?
:'''Everyone''': ''[in chorus]'' '''NO!'''
:'''Cyrus''': '''JUM!''' Fool... ''[leaves feeling angry and muttering to himself under his breath]''

===''Head Over Heels'' [2.13b]===
:'''Max''': Emmy, remember, it's &quot;ready, hand-hand, foot-foot.&quot; Not, &quot;hand-hand, foot-bottom.&quot;

===''Sticky Situation'' [2.14a]===

===''Green Thumbs'' [2.14b]===

===''Teasing is Not Pleasing'' [2.15a]===

===''Team Work'' [2.15b]===
:'''Ord''': Max! Emmy! Know any jokes? ''[hugging them]''
:'''Max''': Why? 
:''[Ord tickles Emmy and Max and they both laugh]''
:'''Ord''': Because the giggle flowers are in bloom!
:'''Wheezie''': I looooove giggle flowers, they're so... giggly! ''[laugh]''
:'''Cassie''': They'll laugh at anybody's jokes, even mine.
:'''Zak''': Wanna pick some?
:'''Emmy''': Definitely.
&lt;hr width=&quot;45%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': If I had giggle flowers seeds, I'd plant them all over the place.
:'''Ord''': That wouldn't work, giggle flowers only grow in hard to find places, because they're shy.
:'''Wheezie''': I know how to find them...
:'''Emmy''': How?
:'''Wheezie''': I'll show you. Who has a knock-knock joke?
:'''Max''': Hum... Knock, knock...
:'''Wheezie''': Who's there?
:'''Max''': Cargo.
:'''Wheezie''': Cargo who?
:'''Max''': Cargo beat, beat!
:''[Wheezie laugh, listening the laughing flowers and Zak covers her snout]''
:'''Wheezie''': I think are you one! ''[laugh]''
:'''Zak''': How could you be sure what you're talking all the time? Shhhhhhhhhh!
:''[They both go over to look inside the bush, they open it and find a stinkydink.]''
:'''Both''': ''[in chorus]'' '''A STINKYDINK!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;45%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': '''GROSS! STICKY YUCKY SPIDER THREADS!'''
:'''Wheezie''': '''YOU MADE ME RUN INTO A SPIDER WEB!'''
:'''Zak''': '''ME?! YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOOKING WHERE WE WERE GOING!'''
:''[They both see their badges moving away]''
:'''Wheezie''': '''OUR BADGES!''' ''[worried]'' They're gone. Oh, Zak... If we don't stop arguing our badges just won't shine and we'll never get them back.
:'''Zak''': You're right.
:'''Wheezie''': On a count of three, both of us will grab the top of the spider web and pull it! Ready? One, two...
:'''Zak''': Wait! Wait. Is it ''&quot;one, two, hold on three&quot;'' or ''&quot;one, two, three&quot;'', pull!
:'''Wheezie''': No, Zak... It's ''&quot;one, two, three, then pull.&quot;'' Okay? Here we go. 
:''[They both hold the spider web]'' 
:'''Wheezie''': One, two, three, pull!
&lt;hr width=&quot;45%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': ''[hugging to Zak and Wheezie]'' Oh, thank goodness we found you...!
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': '''OH, ORD! YOU'RE SQUISHING! LITTLE LESS GLAD WOULD BE GOOD! OH, NOW! OOH! OW!'''

===''On Thin Ice'' [2.16a]===
:'''Emmy''': Hurry, Max. I'm ready.
:'''Max''': Found them. I wonder why Quetzal asked us to bring our ice skates today.
:'''Emmy''': There's only one way to find out.
:'''Kids''': I wish,  I wish with all my heart to fly to dragons in a land apart.

:'''Kids''':

===''The Shape of Things to Come'' [2.16b]===
:''[For the circle key to Crystal the Door, Max sees a green lizard round orange spots. The lizard, he appears smiling. And the lizard, his spots are indeed shaped like a circle. The lizard smiles in a friendly smile. Then Max talks to the lizard.]''
:'''Max''': ''[to the lizard]'' Excuse me, Mr. Lizard? Can we maybe borrow one of your spots? We promise to bring it right back.
:'''Mr. Lizard''': ''[laughs mockingly]'' '''HA!''' 
:''[Then he gets into a bullying tone. And --after Max asks him if he can borrow one of his spots because they are a circle-- he says to Max...!]''
:'''Mr. Lizard''': ''[continues --and in between laughs]'' '''OH SURE! AFTER YOU LET ME BORROW YOUR NOSE!''' 
:''[The lizard laughs mockingly, resumes laughing, and walks away. That is, after he says to Max that he --Max-- can borrow one of his spots as soon as he --Max-- lets him borrow his nose. Max --in response to the lizard-- pinches his nose and tries to keep the lizard from borrowing it. That is, since he does not want to fall for the lizard's joke.]''

===''Hide and Can't Seek'' [2.17a]===

===''The Art of Patience'' [2.17b]===

===''So Long Solo'' [2.18a]===

===''Hands Together'' [2.18b]===
:'''Dragons''': Happy Dragontines Day! ''[hug them]''
:'''Emmy''': And look what we brought! Dragontines for everybody!
:'''Cassie''': We have cards for you too!
:''[They all cheer and hand out the Dragontines as Quetzal comes over]''
:'''Quetzal''': Hola, Max and Emmy. Will you be joining us for the Happy Hearts recital this morning?
:'''Ord''': It's a show that we put on for everyone we love every Dragontines Day. We sing songs and do dances. It'’s really fun, and...
:'''Wheezie''': And we'd loooove it if you two would boogie down with us!
:'''Emmy''': Definitely!
:'''Quetzal''': I'll see you onstage, then. Adiós, niños. ''[leaves]''
:'''Wheezie''': Listen up, everybody, Zaky and I have a terrific idea! We want to sing a song that Quetzal taught us!
:'''Zak''': There's a dance that goes with the song. And we can teach you how to do it.
:'''Ord''': My mommy's gonna love that.
:''[Changes to the playground where they gather to rehearse.]''
:'''Wheezie''': Okey-dokey, artichokies! The song is called ''&quot;Los Pollitos&quot;''.
:'''Emmy''': I know that song! My Tía Carmen taught it to me when I was little. ''&quot;Los Pollitos&quot;'' means &quot;little chicks.&quot;
:'''Wheezie''': Right you are! And the little chicks are all cold and hungry. Brr!
:'''Emmy''': But their mom finds some food and a warm blanket for them.
:'''Wheezie''': Did your Tía teach you the dance too?
:'''Emmy''': She sure did.
:'''Zak''': Perfect! So why don't we show everyone how it goes?
:'''Wheezie''': A-one... A-two and a-one, two, three!
:''[Emmy, Zak and Wheezie perform the &quot;Los Pollitos&quot; dance]''
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen &quot;Pio, pio, pio. Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio.&quot; Bajo sus dos alas, acurrucaditos. Hasta el otro dia, duerman los pollitos. ♪
:''[Moves: &quot;Los pollitos dicen &quot;Pio, pio, pio&quot;: Stand on one foot, then flap arms like a chick while stamping feet. &quot;Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio&quot;: Stand still and rub belly, cross arms and shiver in place. &quot;Bajo sus dos alas, acurrucaditos&quot;: Flap arms and stamp feet again while spinning. &quot;Hasta el otro dia, duerman los pollitos&quot;: Pretend to sleep with head against arms, then rock arms back and forth.]''
:'''Cassie''': That looks fun!
:'''Ord''': Yeah, let's all try it now!
:'''Zak''': In English this time.
:''[They all dance and Ord stumbles]''
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ All the little chicks say &quot;Cheep, cheep, cheep. We are very hungry and too cold to sleep. Their mother spreads her wings and feeds them lots of grain. So until tomorrow, they're warm and safe again. ♪
:''[Ord knocks Max and Cassie to the ground and they laugh.]''
:'''Zak''': Pretty good for the first time. Want to try it again?
:'''Cassie''': Yeah!
:'''Emmy''': Sure!
:'''Ord''': You bet we do!
:''[The song restarts, all but Ord dances and he stumbles again.]''
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen &quot;Pio, pio, pio. Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio.&quot; Bajo sus dos alas, acurrucaditos. Hasta el otro dia, duerman los pollitos. ♪
:'''Emmy''': ♪ All the little chicks say &quot;Cheep, cheep, cheep. We are very hungry and too cold to sleep. Their mother spreads her wings and feeds them lots of grain. So until tomorrow, they're warm and safe again. ♪ ''[hugs Cassie and laughs]''
:'''Ord''': Hey, that dance is hard!
:'''Emmy''': Why don't we try it again? You'’ll catch on.
:'''Ord''': I hope so.
:'''Cassie''': I have an idea! What if we try the dance again a little slower, one line at a time?
:'''Ord''': Okay.
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': Here we go! ♪ Los pollitos dicen... ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ All the little chicks say... ♪
:'''Max''': Get ready to flap.
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ &quot;Pio, pio, pio.&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ &quot;Cheep, cheep, cheep.&quot; ♪
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ &quot;Cuando tienen hambre...&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ &quot;We are very hungry&quot;... ♪
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ &quot;Cuando tienen frio.&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ And too cold to sleep.&quot; ♪
:'''Ord''': Hey, I did it! I did the dance!
:'''Emmy''': Ready to try it all together now?
:'''Ord''': You betcha!
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen &quot;Pio, pio, pio.&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ All the little chicks say &quot;Cheep, cheep, cheep.&quot; ♪
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio.&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ &quot;We are very hungry, and too cold to sleep&quot; ♪
:'''Ord''': Wait. I'm stuck! I can do the parts of the dance, but it's hard to do them all together! Maybe if I watch you guys do it all the way through again, that'll help...
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen &quot;Pio, pio, pio. Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio.&quot; Bajo sus dos alas, acurrucaditos. Hasta el otro dia, duerman los pollitos. ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ All the little chicks say &quot;Cheep, cheep, cheep. We are very hungry and too cold to sleep. Their mother spreads her wings and feeds them lots of grain. So until tomorrow, they're warm and safe again. ♪
:'''Ord''': Okay, I think I got it. Let's try it!
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen &quot;Pio, pio, pio.&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ All the little chicks say &quot;Cheep, cheep, cheep.&quot; ♪
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ &quot;Cuando tienen hambre...&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ &quot;We are very hungry&quot;... ♪
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ &quot;Cuando tienen frio.&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ And too cold to sleep.&quot; ♪
:'''Ord''': Whoa! ''[he stumbles]''
:'''Emmy''': Are you okay, Ord?
:'''Ord''': Yes, but it's almost time for the Happy Hearts recital and I'm never gonna learn this dance never, ever, ever...
:'''Max''': ''[while Zak, Wheezie, Cassie and Emmy gasps]'' Ord, wait!
:'''Emmy''': Come back!
&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': I really want to join my friends in the show, but I just ''can't'' do the dance right. ( ''song hums'' ) Clap, stomp. Oh! It's ''no'' use!
:'''Quetzal''': Hola, Ord. You dropped. &quot;To my mommy, love you lots. From, Ord.'' Your mother will be so happy that you made this for her.
:'''Ord''': Thank you.
:'''Quetzal''': Are you going to give it to your mother after the recital?
:'''Ord''': No. I'm ''not'' going to the recital, because I tried and I tried, but, the dance is too hard.

===''Sneezy Does It'' [2.19a]===

===''Try It, You'll Like It'' [2.19b]===

===''Just for Laughs'' [2.20a]===

:''[About the tickle monsters. Kiki and Finn agreed with the group that the remaining custard eggs were in the Giant of Nod's magic box. So they accidentally let the tickle monsters out.]''
:'''Emmy''': ''[to the Giant of Nod]'' Did you say &quot;Tickle Monsters&quot;?
:'''Giant of Nod''': ''[to Emmy]'' '''YES! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID! AND THOSE TICKLE MONSTERS, THEY ATE UP ALL OUR FOOD!'''

===''Give Zak a Hand'' [2.20b]===
:'''Zak''': Sure!

===''Make No Mistake'' [2.21a]===

===''The Balancing Act'' [2.21b]===
:'''Emmy''': I love my new skateboard, but, I'll ''never'' be able to ride it if this rain doesn't stop.
:'''Max''': I know a place where you can ride it, Emmy.
:'''Kids''': Dragon Land! I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme, to go back home, until next time.
:'''Emmy''': Whew. No more skateboarding today.
:'''Max''': You can help me build my log tower, if you want. Whoa! It's gonna fall and make a mess!
:'''Emmy''': You just need to add a log here, so, each side has the same number of logs ( ''British accent'' ) for the perfect balance.

===''Room for Change'' [2.22a]===

===''The Sorrow and the Party'' [2.22b]===

===''The Grudge Won't Budge'' [2.23a]===

===''Putting the Fun in Fun Houses'' [2.23b]===

===''Puzzlewood'' [2.24a]===
:'''Max''': Come on, Emmy, let's finish our jigsaw puzzle. The piece that fits here is big at the top and small at the bottom. Look, Emmy, I found it.
:'''Emmy''': Me, oh, my, it's my favorite.

===''Let's Dance'' [2.24b]===
:'''Wheezie''': '''IT'S A MUSIC BOX! LOOOOOOOVE IT!'''
:'''Zak''': Well, I don't love it that music's making me dance, and I can't stop!
:'''Wheezie''': But dancing's fun, Zaky, and look at you go you're dancing up a storm. '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!'''
:'''Zak''': Uh... It maybe fun for you, Wheezie, but I don't want to dance. Where are we going?
:'''Wheezie''': It's me...
:'''Zak''': Arrrghhhh... But we're supposed to guard the other boxes!
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, all right, I'll close the box now... Zak, it won't close!
:'''Zak''': Uh... Let my try. ''[try to close the box]'' I can't close it either and if we don't we'll keep dancing.
:'''Wheezie''': Come on, little boxy, please, close...
:'''Zak''': Oh, great, now what?
:''[They both leave with the music box dancing ballet along the way]''
:'''Zak''': Maybe Quetzal could help us.
:'''Wheezie''': '''QUETZAL, HEEEEEEEEEELP!'''
:''[Quetzal sees them dancing from the school window and greets them]''
:'''Wheezie''': '''BUT WE'RE TOO FAR AWAY HE CAN'T HEAR US!'''
:'''Zak''': '''WAVE HARDER, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!'''
:''[Quetzal looks at them through the window again and withdraws]''
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, no! What do we do?
:'''Zak''': '''PANIC! CAUSE WE'RE DOOMED TO DANCE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFES!!!!!!!! WHEEZIE, I'M REALLY TIRED OF THE SONG!'''
:'''Wheezie''': Did tell the truth... ''[sighing]'' I'm tired of dancing too...
:''[The pace of the song slows down]''
:'''Zak''': Do you hear what I hear?
:'''Wheezie''': The music seems to be stopping, let's try to close the box again... '''WE DID IT!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;85%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': Now leave those boxes alone, Wheezie, every time you open one, we get in big trouble!
:'''Wheezie''': No more peaking, Zak, i promise...
&lt;hr width=&quot;85%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greta''': Hello, everyone, my hat and I are back it last!
:'''Wheezie''': '''I DID IT! THE WHOLE TIME WE WHERE PLAYING I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THE STRIPY BOX ONCE!'''
:'''Zak''': Here you go, Greta, your boxes.
:'''Greta''': Thank you for watching them...
:'''Wheezie''': Hmmmmmmm... Well... Actually... I couldn't wait and I opened two of them.
:'''Greta''': '''YOU DID?!''' But you shouldn't have opened them without my permission.
:'''Wheezie''': I know, and I'm sorry. I'm trying to learn how to wait.
:'''Greta''': Well... I know how hard it is to wait. But sometimes, waiting for a surprise makes it even more fun when you finally see what it is.
:'''Wheezie''': May I open the box now, please?
:'''Greta''': Yes, you may.
:'''Wheezie''': Any special rules?
:'''Greta''': Nope, go right ahead...
:''[Wheezie opens the box and to everyone's surprise colorful streamers come out]''
:'''Greta''': But there's another secret to this little box, pull your streamer when I say these special words: ''&quot;Gravity Green!&quot;''
&lt;hr width=&quot;85%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cassie''': It was so much fun!
:'''Ord, Emmy and Max''': Thanks, Greta.
:'''Zak''': See, if you went ahead and opened the box, we wouldn't have known the special words, and we would have missed the merry-go ride.
:'''Wheezie''': I'm so glad I was finally able to wait.
:'''Cassie''': Wheezie, your badge!
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, boy! Look, Zaky, look!
:'''Zak''': That good going, Wheezie!
:''[They both hug each other]''

==Season 3 (2005)==
===''To Fly with a New Friend, Part 1'' [3.01a]===
:''[first lines]''
:'''Max''': ''[imitates galloping hooves as he plays with his horse]'' Giddy-up! Yee-haw! I thought Enrique was coming over to play, Emmy.
:'''Emmy''': He is, Max. Isn't it great having a new friend living next door?
:'''Max''': Yeah.
:''[knocking on the door is heard.]''
:'''Emmy and Max''': Come in!
:''[the door opens and Enrique comes in the playroom.]''
:'''Emmy''': Hi!
:'''Max''': Hi, Enrique!
:'''Enrique''': ''Hola!'' ''Que tal?''
:'''Emmy''': Great!
:'''Max''': How's it going?
:'''Enrique''': ''Bien.'' Okay... I guess.
:'''Max''': ''[offers another horse toy]'' Wanna play cowboy?
:'''Enrique''': ''[grabs the horse toy]'' I have an uncle who is a real-life cowboy. A ''vaquero''. I used to ride horses with him back home.
:'''Max''': Was that in [[Mexico]]? That's where our ''abuelita (Spanish for: grandma)'' is from.
:'''Enrique''': No, in [[Columbia]]. But then we moved to [[Puerto Rico]], and I didn't get to ride so much. ''[pause; Emmy and Max look at him confused and skeptical]'' You guys would ''love'' Puerto Rico! You could play on the beach and swim, and... ''[sighs sadly]''
:'''Emmy''': You really miss it, huh?
:'''Enrique''': ''A veces.'' Uh, sometimes. It's so different [[United States|here]], and it's just hard.
:'''Max''': But you speak English really good.
:'''Emmy''': &quot;Really ''well''&quot;.
:''[Max glares at her.]''
:'''Enrique''': It's not that, it's just... I don't know. I've tried to make friends at school but all the kids all know each other already. And they all talk about stuff I don't know anything about.
:'''Max''': Anything you want to know about, I'm an expert!
:'''Emmy''': ''[giggles]'' Oh, brother!
:'''Enrique''': ''Gracias'', Max. I just wish there was a place where everyone was as friendly as you and Emmy.
:'''Max''': We know a place like that!
:'''Emmy''': ''[whispers]'' Max! ''[glares at him]''
:'''Max''': ''[whispers]'' Why can't we take Enrique there?
:'''Emmy''': Because we... we just can't. ''[Max smiles at her]'' Well, maybe. I guess. ''[smiles]'' Definitely!
:'''Max''': ''[giggles]''
:''[Emmy runs to the drawer and Max follows her. She opens the drawer, picks up the case and opens it, revealing the magic dragon scale.]''
:'''Enrique''': Wow, that is so beautiful! ''Que es eso? (Spanish for: What's that?]''
:'''Max''': It's a dragon scale!
:'''Enrique''': ''[chuckles]'' Sure, right. Seriously, what makes it glow like that?
:'''Max''': It's magical. It takes us to a place called Dragon Land.
:'''Enrique''': Come on! ''[Emmy and Max smile at him]'' Okay, so how does it work?
:'''Emmy''': Well, Max and I hold the scale and say: ''I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.'' And whoosh, we're there!
:'''Max''': ''[picks out the scale]'' You want to try?
:''[Enrique is hesitant as first but shrugs and decides to give it a try as he, Emmy and Max hold the scale together.]''
:'''Emmy and Max''': I wish, I wish, with all my heart...
:'''Enrique''': I wish, I wish, with all I've got...
:'''Emmy''': No, it's ''&quot;with all my heart&quot;''!
:'''Enrique''': Ah, ''corazon''! Heart! Sorry!
:''[Emmy, Max and Enrique hold the scale together.]''
:'''Emmy, Max and Enrique''': I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.
:''[The scale shines bright.]''
:'''Enrique''': ''[gasps]''
:''[The dragon tapestries come to life and leap off the wallpaper, and spin around Emmy, Max and Enrique as the three are surrounded in a colorful sparkling light.]''
:'''Enrique''': What? Whoa! No way!
:''[Emmy, Max and Enrique transport to Dragon Land.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;85%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Zak and Wheezie fly in.]''
:'''Wheezie''': Ooooooh, I just loooove making a new friend... Hello! I'm Wheezie, and this is my brother, Zak!
:'''Enrique''': Ah... Ohhhhh... Hello, I'm... '''YOU HAVE TWO HEADS!'''
:'''Zak''': Yeah. Hers does most to the talking, mine does most to the thinking! ''[laugh]''
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, Zaky... Ooh, I almost forgot! Quetzal sent us to find you, he need us for something veeeery important...
:'''Enrique''': Quetzal?
:'''Cassie''': He's our teacher at the school in the sky, Enrique...
:'''Max''': Come on! You'll really like him...
:''[Max rides Ord and Emmy rides Cassie.]''
:'''Zak''': You can ride in us, Enrique...
:'''Enrique''': Ride on a dragon's back?
:'''Max''': Of course.
:'''Enrique''': Okay, I've read in horses this can't be that much more difficult. ''[rides Zak and Wheezie]''
:'''Zak''': Hang on tight, Enrique!
:'''Enrique''': Okay... You're not gonna run too fast are you?
:'''Zak''': Who said anything about running?
:'''Wheezie''': You're gonna fly!

===''To Fly with a New Friend, Part 2'' [3.01b]===
:'''Enrique''': Where are we now?
:'''Ord''': Don't know, Enrique... Some kind of garden...
:'''Cassie''': And it's full of knucker holes.
:'''Zak''': Mystery solved. The knuckle holes disappear, some kind of magic brought him here.
:'''Emmy''': But who did the magic?
:'''Quanita''': That would be me... ''[comes down from the tree using his magic wand]'' Hi. I'm Quanita, junior wizard, uh... in training.
:'''Wheezie''': '''AM I MAD!'''
:'''Max''': Yeah, cause you shouldn't take what doesn't belong you! That's not right.
:'''Quanita''': Oh, I am so sorry, let me explain.
:'''Zak''': Oh... To this oughta be good...
:'''Quanita''': Easy... The head wizard asked me to plant all these speckled trees, but it would take me forever to dig holes for all of them...
:'''Ord''': There sure are a lot of them...
:'''Quanita''': So I waved my wand and made a wish for holes to plant them in, and well, these are what appeared. Huh... I am afraid I am not a good wizard.
:''[Everyone looks worried]''
:'''Zak''': Ahhhhh... Anybody can make a mistake, with she makes them constantly.
:'''Wheezie''': '''SURE DO...!'''
:'''Cassie''': Maybe you just need practice, Quanita.
:'''Quanita''': You think?
:'''Emmy''': Definitely.
:'''Quanita''': I'll reverse the wish and send all the knuckle holes back.
:'''Zak''': Get ready to jump everybody, we're going home with the knuckle holes!
:'''Enrique''': Wait! Before we go, we can help Quanita plant her trees.
:'''Emmy''': That's the great idea, Enrique, it's a big job for one little wizard.
:'''Enrique''': Can you make a wish for shovels?
:'''Quanita''': I can try...
:'''Max''': You did it!
:'''Wheezie''': '''LET'S GET TICKING!'''

===''Rise and Bloom'' [3.02a]===
:'''Max''': Come on, little guys. Rise and bloom. Hmm. I think then need a little moe help waking up. 
:''[all join in, singing in Spanish]'' 

===''Super Snow Day'' [3.02b]===

===''Musical Scales'' [3.03a]===
:'''Zak''': You heard, Wheezie! We aren't here! Oops! I mean, Wheezie and I aren't...! Oh! Oh, I give up.
:'''Wheezie''': Awwwwwwww... I had them fooled until you put our foot in your mouth...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': Our song is called ''&quot;El Coqui&quot;'', the frog!
:'''Enrique''': I taught them that song ''en español'' and english.
:''[Music playing]''
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ My Coqui, little frog, how I love you... ♪
:'''Zak''': ♪ For your song is be comfort and peace... ♪
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Every night I can go to sleep happy... ♪
:'''Zak''': ♪ When I hear lullabies from Coqui. ♪
:'''Both''': ♪ Coqui, Coqui... ♪
:'''Zak''': '''OH! OW! OH!'''
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Coqui, Coqui, Coqui... ♪
:'''Enrique''': I didn't teach you this part.
:'''Zak''': ''[jumping]'' '''OOH! AHH!''' 
:'''Wheezie''': ''[jumping]'' '''AAH! OOOH!'''
:'''Zak''': Can you feel that? Uhh. Itchy! Ah!
:'''Cassie''': I think we'd better try something else. Hmmmmm... Maybe we could cover up the bald spots.
:'''Max''': With what?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': Why didn't I ever think of wearing all my fancy clothes at the same time before?
:'''Zak''': Because we look like someone dumped a laundry basketover our heads... This almost looks worse than shedding.
:''[Ord, Cassie and Emmy laugh]''
:'''Max''': No! You look like rock stars really. Play!
:''[Music playing]''
:'''Zak''': ♪ My Coqui, little frog, how I love you... ♪
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ For your song is be comfort and peace... ♪
:'''Zak''': ''[concerned]'' ♪ A belt has come loose and it's slipping... ♪
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Well, grab it before it falls off. ♪
:'''Zak''': ♪ Coqui, Coqui... ♪ Oh! ♪ Coqui, qui, qui... ♪ '''YOW!'''
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Coqui, Coqui... ♪
:'''Zak''': '''WOW!'''
:''[They both fall to the floor]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': '''WHOA!'''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[laugh]'' Oh, sorry. I can't help it!
:'''Zak''': That is a b-a-d haircut.

===''Hand in Hand'' [3.03b]===
:'''Enrique''': Wow!
:'''Emmy''': Hey!
:'''Max''': Ow!
:''[Enrique gasps]'' 
:'''Zak''' and '''Wheezie''': 1, 2, 3, pull! Pull!
:'''Enrique''': Pare! Stop! What are you doing?

===''Sky Soccer'' [3.04a]===
:'''Ord''': Wow! That looks like so much fun! I can't wait to be on the team...
:'''Emmy''': Have you ever played sky soccer before, Ord?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': ''[annoyed]'' '''WELL, DON'T TAKE ALL DAY!'''
:'''Zak''': Okay, okay, here goes nothing...!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': I'm not sure I can remember all that.

===''Itching for a Cure'' [3.05a]===
:'''Emmy''': ''Careful.'' 
:'''Max''': ''I am.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Enrique''': Sorry, I'm late. 
:'''Emmy''' and '''Max''': Huh?
:'''Enrique''': ''[speaks in Spanish]'' ''Sorry.'' I didn't mean to knock down your card house.
:'''Emmy''': That's okay, Enrique.
:'''Max''': Yeah, we we're just practicing for the big house of cards we're gonna build in Dragon Land.

===''The Big Race'' [3.05b]===

===''Max Loves a Train'' [3.06b]===
:'''Max''': All aboooooard!!! Choooooooo, Choooooooo!!! Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga!
:'''Enrique''': Wow, Max. What a cool model train set from hobby lobby!
:'''Emmy''': [imitating engine's wheels &amp; whistles as a steam train]  Choo, choo, choo, choo, Woo-woo! Max loves steam engine trains going down by the station, Enrique.
:'''Max''': Yeah, and today, we get to ride the Dragon Land Express. Chug, chug, Whoo, whoo, Off we go!
:'''Enrique''': I know. I can't wait about pufferbellies. A Pufferbelly is a big old train with a steam engine. Choo-choo-choo-choo. 
:'''Emmy''': [giggles then she have a great idea to wear bandannas, engineer caps, and gloves, to Enrique and Max for help in pretend play] Should we sing &quot;Down by the Station&quot;? 
:'''Max and Enrique''': [nods their heads in agreement, smiley] Yes! We agreed! We agreed! Choo-choo!! 
:'''Emmy''': [giggles] OK. [making train sounds] Chug, chug, toot, toot  Go To The DragonLand! [They puts both hands on her shoulders] All aboard! Puff, puff, woo, woo, Let's go for Ride! [she imitating train noise from the down by the station song] Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go!
:'''Emmy, Max and Enrique''':  [chugging with the dragon scale as a train, puffing out smoke with the tune of the song makes the dragons on the wall come to life and made the magic tunnel and the very railroad whistle sounds on the magic buffers] Down by the station, Early in the morning, See the little pufferbellies, All in a row. See the stationmaster, Turn the little handle. Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go!

===''Prince for a Day'' [3.10a]===
:'''Enrique''': How are you two going to decide whose turn it is to clean up?
:'''Emmy and Max''': I know! Rock. Paper. Scissors! ''[they both do scissors]'' Rock. Paper. Scissors! ''[they both do rock]''

===''So Long Solo'' [3.10b]===
:''[After Wheezie's sheet music has sunken into a pond]''
:'''Zak''': Oh, Wheezie, it's all my fault! I guess I wasn't holding the music tight enough.
:'''Wheezie''': It was an accident, Zak. It's okay. I know that there'll be other shows next year.
:'''Zak''': Can't you play a different song? You know hundreds.
:'''Wheezie''': I didn't bring any other music.
:'''Zak''': Well, if you're not gonna perform, then I'm not gonna perform.
:'''Wheezie''': Don't say that! You worked hard on your juggle gym, and I want you to show it off.
:'''Zak''': ''[smiling]'' Really?
:'''Wheezie''': ''[also smiling]'' Yeah!
:''[At that moment, their badges start glowing.]''
:'''Wheezie''': Zak, look, our dragon badge!
:'''Zak''': Ha, it's glowing!
:'''Wheezie''': We must have really learned to...
:'''Zak''': ...work together!
:'''Wheezie''': Aw, Zaky!

===''Feliz Cumpleanos, Enrique'' [3.12a]===
:'''Dragons''': '''SURPRISE!'''
:'''Enrique''': This is all for me?
:'''Wheezie''': Absolutely... Happy birthday!
:''[Everyone it celebrates happily and laughing]''
:'''Quetzal''': ''Feliz cumpleaños, Enrique.''
:'''Enrique''': ''Gracias,'' Quetzal. ''Gracias,'' everybody!
:'''Quetzal''': I must go back to preparing tomorrow's lesson. Enjoy your party, niños!
:'''Everybody''': See you! Bye-bye!
:'''Cassie''': Will you help me pass these out, Emmy?
:'''Emmy''': Definitely.
:'''Wheezie''': Ooooooh, noisemakers, my favorite!
:'''Zak''': ''[annoyed]'' No surprise there.
:''[They all play the noisemakers and march with them, however stop when Enrique gets sad.]''
:'''Ord''': What's the matter, Enrique? Did your blower stop working?
:'''Enrique''': No... These remind me of the tiny whistles we used to hide in the frosting of birthday cakes back in Colombia.
:'''Emmy''': Why did you do that?
:'''Enrique''': ''[laughting]'' Because it was so much fun to pull them out and lick the gooey frosting off the whistles.
:''[Everyone laughs less Zak]''
:'''Wheezie''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!'''
:'''Zak''': Sounds messy to me!
:'''Enrique''': Hey! Is that a ''piñata''?
:'''Cassie''': Well, it does kind of look like one.
:'''Ord''': But we use it to play another really fun birthday game. 
:'''Max and Ord''': Pin the badge on the dragon.
:'''Cassie''': Each of us gets one of these!
:'''Max''': And you have to try to put it on the dragon's neck.
:'''Ord''': Like a dragon badge!
:'''Zak''': But the trick is you have to do it all... ''[takes out of his pouch a bandage]''
:'''Wheezie''': Blindfolded...!
:'''Emmy''': Whoever gets the closest is the winner.
:'''Max''': Wanna play?
:'''Enrique''': Sure!
:'''Ord''': Ooh, ooh, ooh, can I go first, uh?
:'''Cassie''': It's a Enrique's birthday award, maybe he should be the first.
:'''Enrique''': That's okay, Cassie, you can go first, Ord...
:'''Ord''': Oh, goody... Thanks, Enrique.
:'''Wheezie''': Ready-freddy?
:''[Zak and Wheezie blindfold Ord and spin him around]''
:'''Emmy''': '''COME ON, ORD...!'''
:''[Everyone is encourage for Ord]''
:'''Zak''': '''ALL RIGHT, ORD! KEEP GOING! KEEP GOING!'''
:''[Ord places the badge on the dragon's foot]''
:'''Ord''': How I do? How I do?
:'''Max''': ''[laugh]'' Now the dragon badge is a dragon shoe...
:''[Ord laugh]''
:'''Emmy''': Now it's your turn, Enrique...
:''[Ord blindfold Enrique and takes him away from the dragon, everyone is encourage for Enrique, he place the badge in the belly of the dragon and the blindfold is lifted.]''
:'''Ord''': ''[laughing]'' Wow!
:'''Max''': ''[laugh]'' Now it's a belly badge...
:''[Enrique laughs]''
:''[Next scene shows the group in the party wearing party hats and drinking juice from boxes. Cassie observes Enrique feeling sad again.]''
:'''Cassie''': ''[worried]'' Don't you like your party, Enrique?
:'''Enrique''': ''Claro que sí'', Cassie... It's really nice of everyone to do all this for me. It's just that... I'm actually feeling kind of sad!
:'''Ord''': Sad? On your birthday?
:'''Wheezie''': See? I told you we should have blown up more balloons...
:'''Zak''': It's not my fault I don't have as much hot air as you...!
:'''Enrique''': Zak, Wheezie, the balloons are ''fantásticas''. I guess it's just... I miss the parties we used to have back in Colombia. ''[he sits sadly on a rock and his friends approach him]''
:'''Cassie''': Hmmmmmm... What do you miss about those parties, Enrique?
:'''Emmy''': Because maybe talking about what you miss will help you not feel so sad.
:'''Enrique''': Well... My friends and family would get together and we'd celebrate, with music and games and all kinds of food.
:'''Wheezie''': Ooooooh, like a ''fiesta''! ''Fiestas'' are so festive!
:'''Enrique''': Sometimes we play the stereo and the grown-ups would hand out instruments, like ''güiros'' and ''maracas'', and we dance along with the music.
:''[His friends look at him listening with interest]''
:'''Enrique''': ''[sad again]'' Ah... I sure missed those parties.
:'''Zak''': Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Wheezie?
:'''Wheezie''': If you're thinking what I'm thinking, Zaky...
:'''Cassie''': I'm thinking it too?
:'''Emmy''': Definitely.
:'''Ord''': What's everyone thinking, Max?
:'''Emmy''': That we can make music the way they did it Enrique's parties.
:'''Wheezie''': Something like this? ''[play music like a xylophone on their scales with Zak]''
:'''Enrique''': That's great, Wheezie!
:''[Everyone starts dancing]''
:'''Enrique''': All we need now are some ''maracas'' and it'll be just like back home.
:'''Zak''': Got any ''maracas'' and that messy pouch of yours, Wheezie?
:'''Wheezie''': Let's see! Hmmmmm... No... Oh! Been looking for that... ''[reaches into his pouch and pulls out a umbrella without fabric, a boot, an accordion and throws them into the air]'' Ah... Oh... No maracas.
:'''Emmy''': Maybe we can make some.
:'''Cassie''': That's a great idea, Emmy...
:'''Max''': Yeah! ''[he scratches the head]'' Huh... How are we gonna do that?
:'''Ord''': I know... ''[goes to some trees and collects five seed pods, returns and pours the seeds into his hand]''
:'''?''':What's that?
:'''Ord''': Dragon pods seeds make a really shaky sound when they're inside my pouch just like ''maracas''. ''[put the seeds in his pouch and makes it sound]''
:'''Max''': ''[laugh]'' We can't all shake your pouch, Ord...
:'''Ord''': Oh, right. ''[laugh]''
:''[Everyone laughs and Wheezie drink his juice from box]''
:'''Enrique''': How about if we put the seeds inside the empty juice boxes and shake them?
:'''Everyone''': '''YEAH! GREAT!'''
:''[Everyone finishes drinking their juice boxes, Ord takes the seeds out of his pouch and places them in the juice boxes]''
:'''Max''': It works! Listen to this! ''[shaking his juice box]''
:'''Ord''': That's great, Max, sounds is good as my pouch!
:'''Wheezie''': All right, everybody, let's ''ma-rraca'' and roll!
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': And the ''uno'' and the ''dos''!
:''[They both play the tune on their scales again while the others rattle their juice box maracas and dance happily to the music.]''
:'''Everyone''': '''ALL RIGHT, ZAK AND WHEEZIE! YEAH! ALL RIGHT!''' ''[laugh]''
:'''Max''': That sounded really cool!
:'''Cassie''': I love played the ''maracas''...
:'''Everyone''': '''YES!'''
:''[Emmy laugh]''
:'''Enrique''': Me too! It reminds me of my family and friends in Colombia. Hmmm... ''[becomes sad again]''
:'''Ord''': Are you starting to feel sad again, Enrique?
:'''Enrique''': A little...
:''[His friends looks worried]''
:'''Wheezie''': Well then, how's about we whip up some more ''fiesta'' fun? We can do the Dragonland Conga!
:'''Zak''': What do you say, Enrique?
:'''Enrique''': It sounds great but... Maybe later. ''[walks away sadly under the worried gaze of his friends and Cassie runs to him]''
:'''Cassie''': Enrique, sometimes when I feel sad, I go talk with Quetzal. He helps me figure out my feelings.
:'''Enrique''': Maybe I should.
:''[Changes at the school in the sky]''
:'''Enrique''': A-ah... And everybody's trying so hard to make me a nice party, a-ah... And I really appreciate it... And I really want to have fun... a-ah... And make the sad feeling go away, but it keeps coming back.
:'''Quetzal''': I understand, Enrique. I too sometimes feel sad.
:'''Enrique''': You do?
:'''Quetzal''': Sí, Enrique, and sometimes when I'm feeling especially sad. It seems as if there is only one thing that I want to do.
:'''Enrique''': What's that?
:'''Quetzal''': Cry... Perhaps that is the way you feel right now.
:'''Enrique''': I always heard that boys... They don't... They're not supposed to...
:'''Quetzal''': Ahhhhhhh... They are not supposed to cry because it is not ''macho''.
:'''Enrique''': ''Sí''.
:'''Quetzal''': There is no shame in crying, Enrique. Trust me, in can be a find way to let the sadness out.
:''[Enrique and Quetzal hug each other and he starts crying, after a while then Enrique leaves school more calm down]''
:'''Everyone''': '''HI, ENRIQUE!'''
:'''Enrique''': ''Hola'', everyone.
:'''Ord''': Are you okay, Enrique? You look like you've been crying.
:'''Enrique''': ''Sí'', but it's okay. Quetzal told me crying helps let the sadness out, and he was right.
:''[His friends nod their heads]''
:'''Emmy''': You do seem happier now, Enrique...
:'''Enrique''': ''Sí'', Emmy. I still feel a little sad, but mostly I feel like it's my birthday and I want to have fun!
:'''Everyone''': ''[celebrating]'' '''GOOD!'''
:'''Enrique''': So if you still want to, maybe we could do the Dragonland Conga?
:'''Everyone''': ''[celebrating]'' '''YEAH! WOO-HOO!'''
:'''Wheezie''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!'''
:'''Everyone''': ''[dancing]'' ♪ Feliz cumpleaños... ♪ ''[3 times]''
:'''Enrique''': I don't feel sad anymore, Quetzal!
:'''Quetzal''': ''¡Que bueno, Enrique!''
:''[Everyone laughs celebrating and dancing]''
:'''Max, Emmy and Enrique''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time. ''[Then disappear and appear back in the playroom]''
:'''Enrique''': ''Muchas gracias por todo'', Max and Emmy.
:'''Emmy''': You're welcome, Enrique...
:'''Max''': ''De nada...''
:'''Enrique''': You know, my ''papá'' said derby birthday cake when he got home from work... You want to come over?
:'''Emmy''': Cake?
:'''Max''': '''YEAH!'''
:'''Emmy''': Are there gonna be tiny whistles in the frosty?
:'''Enrique''': You bet!
:'''Max''': I want to lick the frosting off!
:'''Enrique''': Me too!
:'''Emmy''': Me three!

===''Moving On'' [3.16a]===
:'''Emmy''': Hey, the dragon scale is glowing.
:'''Max''': They need us in Dragon Land.

===''Something's Missing'' [3.24b]===
:'''Max''': I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': I can't wait to see if there's a letter from Emmy, then Mom can read it to me. And I really can't wait till Emmy gets my letter.

===''Hello, Ms. Tipps'' [3.26b]===

===''Just the Two of Us'' [3.29a]===
:'''Zak and Wheezie's mom''': All right, Zak and Wheezie...
:'''Zak and Wheezie's dad''': You can open your eyes now...
:'''Wheezie''': Ooh! I love surprises, they're so... '''SURPRISING...!'''
:'''Zak''': What is it?
:'''Zak and Wheezie's mom''': It's my dragon links building kit. I played with it when I was a little dragon.
:'''Zak and Wheezie's dad''': We know how hard it is to play outside when Polly is tuning her weather machine. So we thought they would have fun playing with it now.
:'''Wheezie''': Looooove it! Let's make a sculpture, a work of art!
&lt;hr width=&quot;80%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': Who wants to go swimming?
:'''Max''': Swimming? But... I've never seen a dragon links building kit before.
:'''Wheezie''': Ohhhhh... ''[stroking his head]'' Who wants to be cooped up on a beautiful day like today, right, Zak?
:'''Zak''': Huh?... Oh... All right! Let's play while the sun... i-i-is out!
&lt;hr width=&quot;80%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emmy''': So... Wheezie, what's your mom and dad's dragon links building kit look like?
:'''Wheezie''': Well, it got lots of pieces you put together to make... ''[Zak covers his snout]''
:'''Zak''': Nothing.
:'''Wheezie''': ''[while Zak gets angry]'' What? Oh! Yeah, nothing. Hey! '''LOOK, IT'S... A SNOWSTORM...!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;80%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': '''HOLD IT STEADY, ZAK...!'''
:'''Zak''': '''I'M TRYING!''' But it's too heavy to hold up all by myself. ''[the pieces fall to the floor]'' We could use Ord's muscles.
:'''Wheezie''': ''[smile]'' What if we asked Ord to help us?
:'''Zak''': Okay, but only Ord. Everybody else can only see it when we're done.

===''Cowboy Max'' [3.29b]===
'''YEE-HAW!'''

===''Flip Flop'' [3.30a]===
:'''Max''': Hey! Zak is acting like Wheezie!
:'''Ord''': And Wheezie is acting like Zak.
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': We are? '''WE ARE!'''
:'''Wheezie''': '''OOOOOH!'''
:'''Zak''': '''AHHHHHHHHH!'''
:'''Cassie''': Maybe Quetzal will know why this is hapenning.
&lt;hr width=&quot;40%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': Let's get's over with.
:'''Zak''': Oh, oh, oh!... Wait!... I want to hold it.
:'''Wheezie''': It doesn't matter who holds it.
:'''Zak''': ''[annoyed]'' You held it last time!
&lt;hr width=&quot;40%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': Now we can make a wish to flip-flop back. '''HOOOOORAY...!''' ''[he flies away with Wheezie, they do two somersaults and fall to the ground]''
:'''Wheezie''': Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...
:'''Emmy''': Wheezie, are you okay?
:'''Max''': You're that funny color that Zak turns when you do somersaults.
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, gee, Zak, is this how you feel when I make us do somersaults?
:'''Zak''': If you mean all dizzy-wizzy in your head and icky-sicky in our stomach, yes...
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, I'm sorry, Zaky, I didn't know it made you feel so bad.
&lt;hr width=&quot;40%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': There's no one else here! This is hopeless. Zaaak... We already looked in the dailing flowers...
:'''Zak''': See what I made?
:'''Wheezie''': Why are you acting so silly when we have something important to do?
:'''Zak''': Ooh... Can't we have fun at the same time...?
:'''Ord''': Usually Zak is the one who gets upset because Wheezie acting silly...
:'''Zak''': Wheezie, when you act silly sometimes, aren't you just trying to make the job fun?
:'''Wheezie''': Huh, just like you're doing now.
:'''Zak''': '''OHHHHHHH!''' ''[laugh]'' 
&lt;hr width=&quot;40%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': '''FOLLOW THAT STATUE!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;40%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': Woo-hoo! I feel the tickle-lickle, that beautiful statue must have granted our wish...
:'''Quetzal''': So, Zak, how do you feel being back to your old self?
:'''Zak''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!'''
:''[Everyone gasps]''
:'''Zak''': Hey, I can be silly too...
:''[Everyone laugh]''

==Cast==
* [[w:Andrea Libman|Andrea Libman]] as Emmy
* Danny McKinnon as Max 
* Aida Ortega (Season 3) (2005) as Enrique (Season 3) (2005)
* [[w:Chantal Strand|Chantal Strand]] as Cassie 
* [[w:Ty Olsson|Ty Olsson]] as Ord 
* Jason Michas as Zak
* [[w:Kathleen Barr|Kathleen Barr]] as Wheezie

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Dragon Tales}} 

[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dragons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Dragon Tales|Dragon Tales]]''''' (1999–2005) is an animated educational fantasy children's television series in which two young human siblings named Emmy, and Max, and later their new next-door neighbor, and friend, Enrique go on adventures in a magical land of dragons. The show was aimed at younger school-grade children.

==Season 1 (1999-2000)==
===''To Fly with Dragons'' [1.1a]===
===''The Forest of Darkness'' [1.1b]===
:'''Mom''': Emmy, Max, everything all right up here?''
:'''Emmy''': Yeah, Mom. We were just coloring. There. Look what I did.
:'''Max''': Whoa. This looks just like Cassie.
:'''Emmy''': Maybe it's because it was Cassie. And I'm gonna give it to her as a gift.
:'''Max''': Were you going to Dragon Land? Yeah. Me too. Because I got a great surprise for Ord. And he's gonna like it.
:'''Emmy''': What is that?
:'''Max''': It's bubble gum. And I've only been chewing it one time. Hey. Maybe we should get something for Zak, and Wheezie.
:'''Emmy''': I know. Maybe we should let them borrow our harmonicas. So, come on. Max, Let's just go to Dragon Land.

===''To Kingdom Come'' [1.2a]===
:'''Emmy''': If you'd shared the Wish Shell in the first place, Ord, we definitely wouldn't be in this mess!
&lt;hr width=&quot;55%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ord breaks off a tiny piece of his cupcake and offers it to Monsieur Marmadune, however is not enough.]''
:'''Monsieur Marmadune''': This was sharing?
:'''Ord''': ''[breaks off a larger piece of his cupcake]'' This much?
:'''Max''': More...
:'''Ord''': ''[breaks another piece again]'' This much?
:'''Max''': More...
:'''Ord''': ''[depressed]'' Oh... this was so hard! ''[until ultimately divide his cupcake in half and offers it to Monsieur Marmadune]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;55%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': Hey look, my dragon badge is shining! I did it, I shared!

===''Good-bye, Little Caterpoozle!'' [1.2b]===

*''[When Emmy, Max, Ord, Cassie, Zak, and Wheezie saw Poozie, the caterpoozle, inside a silk sack --called a [[w:chrysalis|chrysalis]]-- and is sleeping inside it.]''
*'''Cassie''': ''[gasps]'' Oh, she is dead! ''[cries]'' Oh, Poozie!

===''Knot a Problem'' [1.3a]===

===''Ord's Unhappy Birthday'' [1.3b]===
:''[The episode starts out in the playroom where Max and Emmy are wrapping presents. Emmy’s is all wrapped up quick and angrily-ish while Max’s is rather wrinkled and uneven.]''
:'''Max''': Look Emmy! I'm done wrapping my birthday present for Ord. Neat, huh?
:''[Max holds up his present, but the ribbon unravels and falls off.]''
:'''Emmy''': [unsure] I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, Max!
:''[Max struggles to tie the ribbon back on. Emmy refuse to help.]''
:'''Emmy''':   No time, no time, no time! For a very important date. No time to make a bow for you. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.
:'''Max''': Now, this is curious. It must be awfully important, like a party or something. 
:''[Max puts his left index finger on the knot while Emmy ties the bow. But it ends up being so tight, Max's finger gets stuck in the ribbon.]''
:'''Max''': Hey! My finger’s stuck!
:'''Emmy''': [with voice raised and sounding genuinely annoyed] Come on, Max, there is no time to help Cassie! This no time to get ready for Ord's surprise birthday party!
:''[Max and Emmy hold the scale and start saying their lately wish.]''
:'''Max and Emmy''': I'm late, I'm late, I'm late with all my very important heart. No time to fly with dragons in a land apart.
:''[The dragons on the wall come to life and circle around the kids flying faster and faster until they disappear in a bright light and soon they arrive in DragonLand.]''
:'''Emmy''': We're late!  This is the perfect rush to Cassie!!
:'''Max''': I'm late!!! 
:''[Max grabs her wrist and they're running to the dragon tail waving behind a tree but is blue, not pink.]''
:'''Max''': Cassie! I'm late, I'm late....
:''[The figure that comes out from behind the tree is, in fact, a door banging and pounding]''
:'''Emmy''': ''[angrily whispering, hissing irritated, quietly]''  '''SHHH!!'''  Quiet, Max! Don't say such things to King Ord! Hide your present!
:''[Emmy swipes her gift behind her back and Max tries to hide his but his finger is still stuck on the bow. Ord approaches the kids and he bows down.]''
:'''Ord''': Max, Emmy, I'm ruler of my birthday! Look what mom and dad got me! ''[shows them a pencil with a feathery end and he draws a little tic-tac-toe grid in midair]''
:'''Ord''': It draws on anything, how much greater I'd be! What a king! I'd be ruler of all that I see! Oh, you wanna bark orders?
:'''Max''': Leave me alone!
:'''Emmy''': We are not friends!
:''[Suddenly, Ord Gets Growling In Frustration At The Angry Snaps And He Launches Into An Rage Outburst]'' '''YOU KNOW WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''': [thunders angrily] '''OH REALLY, ORD, ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?! IT ISN'T FAIR! IT IS, IN FACT, A COMPLETE AND TOTAL OUTRAGE!!!''' We're angry with you, Your Majesty. I'm serious! Today's your birthday! So you '''LEAVE ME ALONE!!!'''
:'''Ord''':  No! You're just not looking hard enough! I don't wanna play!
:''[Max is angry without say yes, he remembered...]''
:'''Max''': You can't. No time to meet Cassie, I will NEVER seen you again and leave me alone forever.
:'''Emmy''': ''[interrupting]'' I'm upset!  
:'''Ord''': Louder!
:'''Emmy''': [loud] I'm upset! 
:'''Ord''': '''LOUDER!'''
:'''Emmy''': [louder] '''I'M UPSET!'''
:'''Ord''': [shouting to enraged] '''SILENCE!! For the final TIME, SAY IT LOUDER!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': [turns red in anger, furiously growls]  '''I'M UPSET!!! I SAID &quot;STOP IT&quot;!!! I'M REALLY TIRED OF YOU!!!''' I’m never let you again! Never, Never, NEVER letting mention that being such a bully, and you didn't do anything that’s mine ever having a picnic without Cassie! 
:'''Ord''': (growls angry as well) Well, Today's my very favorite day of the year, than you would be better off without me, I've ruined their lives, and I wish I'd never been born!
:'''Emmy''': (angrily) I'm late!! I'm very late!!! Now I won't want my help tomorrow anymore to get out of here and you're going our separate ways forever is much too braggy as bossy king! So, this is no fun to be boss around your dumb the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous straight with you, King Ord! Now get out, or you're '''FIRED!! I! GIVE!! UP!!!'''
:'''Ord''': (enraged with angriest) '''I'M KING!!! I WILL NEVER SPEAKING TO EITHER ONE OF YOU EVER AGAIN!!!''' 
:'''Max''': '''YOU ARE FIRED!! I want you to get out, NOOW! and that's an order!!!'''
:'''Ord''': [angrily shouts] '''I'M KING TO COMMAND YOU, SILENCE!!!!!'''
:'''Emmy and Max''': '''STOP IT!!!'''
:'''Ord''': (Turns red) '''YOU'RE FIRED!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''':  [wailing angrily] '''YOU YELLED AT ME!!!''' [Turns Red With Anger, Growls Furiously And Angrily Fed Up] '''GRRRARRGH!''' I’m done with you without your birthday! '''I'LL SMASH YOUR BIRTHDAY AWAY!!! THAT BOSSY KING IS STUPID ANYWAY!!!''' 
:'''Ord''': '''YOUR HEIRS!!!'''
:'''Max''': '''LEAVE!!!'''
:'''Ord''': [angry, raising an eyebrow] '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!'''
:'''Emmy and Max''': [furiously pointing] '''OUT!''' 
:'''Ord''': [snaps] '''I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!'''
:'''Emmy and Max''': ''[they're angrily pushing Ord and furiously slams the door, leaving Ord all alone, pointing once more]'' '''OUT!'''
:'''Ord''': [starts growls madly] That's it, I am the ruler of all that I'm leaving!!! [storms off furiously at a huff]
:''[The kids later arrived angrily &amp; lately at the treehouse.]''
:'''Max''': ''[firmly whispering]'' I'll never join the secret knock!
:''[Angry, Emmy shakes her fist in rages out a series of gasps, which get more tense by shoves into his mouth, hearing banging &amp; pounding on the door many times and makes them growling. The door opens, furiously revealing Cassie.]''
:'''Cassie''': Shh, Calm down, Max! calm down, Emmy! Shush, shush! You must be upset. Are you upset?! I thought you were Ord.
:'''Max''':  [sadly] No, this was Ord's fault with a mix up with psychical violence blame. Look, King Ord’s too angry about being bossy birthday in the meadow.
:''[Max and Emmy head inside while Cassie gets a little worried that Ord might have followed them.]''
:'''Cassie''':  What's wrong with you, Emmy? Come on.
:'''Emmy''': [growls] I don't want to hear about ord. We had too frustrated when he's way too bossy.
:'''Max''': [glares] Of course you're so late! I don't understand make him bossy traitor!? If you do, you're fired at military school!
:'''Cassie''': Just chill out, chill out. I bet he couldn’t play with the bossiness of King Ord, who's willing to barked orders until we surprise him. So don't say a word 'til you two can help me blow up the balloons.
:''[Cassie hands Max and Emmy grabs a balloon angrily. Max tries inflate one up but release and comes out flying. Max then wobbles around holding his head.]''
:'''Max''': Wow! I’m dizzy.
:'''Cassie''': Don’t worry, Max. I’ll blow them up.
:''[Cassie blows up a balloon herself.]''
:'''Max''': Hey, That's insane!
:''[Emmy swipes Max the balloons.]''
:'''Emmy''': You have done that to me too many times, Max. I will not stand for what you did! You're fired! So you '''LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!'''
:'''Max''': [angry] Go Away, Em!
:''[She furiously storms off without helping Max as he holding three balloons, a green and pointy one with yellow spots, and lavender one shaped like a star and a pink one with a smiley face on it, to whom Max sticks his tongue out and laugh.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;90%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': Ord! What's the matter with you, Your Majesty?
:'''Wheezie''': Why are you angry, Your Majesty? 
:'''Ord''': (ragingly) You hush up your mouth, Go away and no right to talk to leave me alone, and I wish I'd never been born!!!
:'''Zak''': Do you hear that?
:'''Wheezie''': Really? ''[Looks to the ones on top of their heads.]'' Oh, those hats. Those aren’t party hats. They're uh... umm...
:'''Zak''': Rain-hats. Only it's not raining. Guess we don’t need them, Wheezie.
&lt;hr width=&quot;90%&quot;/&gt;:''[Just then his royal banging and a pounding is heard on the door.]''
:'''Zak''': ''[whispering]'' Is he coming this way?!
:'''Sid Sycamore''': ''[whispering]'' That wasn’t the secret knock. It’s King Ord! He rudes everything!
:''[Everyone gasps &amp; scrambles to hide everything very quickly. Zak and Wheezie take the pizza, Max puts away the party hats, and Emmy swipes the balloons and hands them to Sid Sycamore without taking.]''
:'''Sid Sycamore''': [warns her] Emmy, no swiping! Emmy, no swiping! Emmy, no swiping!
:'''Emmy''': [madder] Sid, You're fired! I'm too angry! '''YOU ARE FIRED!!'''
:'''Sid Sycamore''': [angrily scolding] It's too late, you're a crook... [furiously] You're a '''CHEAT''' and a '''SWINDLER...!''' '''THAT'S''' it! I will never seen you again or you're fired!! [lividly] '''YOU'RE AN INHUMAN MONSTER!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': [screamed furiously] '''I SAID &quot;YOU ARE FIRED&quot;!! THAT'S IT, SID!!'''
:''[Meanwhile they hand the rest of the stuff to Zak and Wheezie.]''
:'''Zak''': Where are you gonna put that?
:''[Wheezie ultimately decides to put the stuff in their pouch.]''
:'''Zak''': Ew! That feels gross!
:''[All that was left was the tablecloth which they remove as Ord slams the door open.]''
:'''Ord''': [snaps] I’m very annoyed with you, Emmy! I'm king, and I wish I'd never been born!!
:''[Inside the gang snarl on the floor with a puzzle.]''
:'''Emmy''': [angrily scolds very pissed] You're bossy, King Ord! I'm very angry with you! This is your last warning! It's a complete disaster when enough is enough!! You did not just say that, '''You did not just say that!!!!'''
:'''Ord''':  [getting angry] '''I did just say it! I said, I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!'''  I'm bossy and annoyed without doing anything and I'm king, and you look annoyed all the time without some help, I've ruined their lives, and I wish I'd never been born! ''[dragon glares in the room.]'' You don't think I'm too bossy, do you?
:'''Zak''': '''LIAR!''' We decided not to have the picnic.
:'''Wheezie''': I'm afraid you are. Putting together a puzzle isn't fun anymore.
:'''Ord''': [mad] I don't want to play puzzles! I'm the bossy king! I'm the king of a moss-covered, three-handled family gredunza! Nobody's gonna leave this treehouse until I wish I'd never been born!!
:'''Emmy''':  [losing control of her outrage] Go away, King Ord! You lost a moss-covered, three-handled family gredunza if I'm saying bossy to you! If you're way too bossy what word I'm not supposed to say, It's too bossy, I'm disappointed. I am very disappointed....
:'''Ord''': [growling ragingly yells] '''I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEEEEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!!!!!'''
:'''Max''':  [angrily screams] '''NAH-UH! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE! I WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AND QUIT IT!!!!!'''
:''[Emmy Slaps His Forehead. Zak Slaps His As Well, Wheezie Hits In His Face. This Challenge Erupted Into A Violence Argument Of Fury Angry Fight With Powers]'' K.D. Lang: [Overlapping while singing] Join Timon and Pumbaa cow! 
:'''Max''': I'm feeling very angry right now without help, King Ord!!!
:'''Ord''': '''SILENCE!!! YOU'D BETTER GET ALL OF THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEAD!!!!!''' Forget it!! I said, &quot;I wish I'd never been born!!!&quot; I am the boss of the ruler to leave me alone!!!
:'''Max''': [sternly] That's it! See if I'll leave you alone!!
:''[Bossy King Ord storms to the school and incredibly pissed off at him for all of the hurtful birthday and inside he finds Quetzal wrapping a gift neatly.]''
:'''Ord''': You're just a show-off, Mr. Quetzal! Never, ever mention '''THAT''' name in my presence! '''I AM THE BOSSY *KING*!!!'''
:'''Quetzal''': Oh, Yes, Sire, you look bossy, King Ord. I was extraordinarily busy... You’re so cranky. You actually went and did it to illustrate the differences in your royal managerial approaches.
:'''Ord''': [coldly] Not the others seem to think they're waste time. ''[without notices the gift.]'' [angrily] I'm the boss. I scolded at her, Because she broke the rules! I'm king of the birthday parties!
:'''Quetzal''': Temper! Temper! Your Majesty, please... I don't like to complain, But A very good friend of mine, We didn't see any rules.
:''[Ord goes back to being angrily glare.]''
:'''Quetzal''': What’s the matter?  I know you're angry about your birthday without friends and you're refuse to be gone. What’s wrong? 
:'''Ord''': [raging furiously blows up, screams in frustration, angrily yells with sobbing] This is the stupidest time to me a favor and the &quot;worstest&quot; rule, I'm the king of the panic! I'm the frustrated king! I'm the bossy king because I'm the king of my birthday, and I'm the king of special day, but my friends must not like me anymore because they don't want to play with 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void IF - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy! And Cassie didn't invite me to her picnic, and then everyone's beginning to believe I'll never see my &quot;et cetera, et cetera... &quot;Fax mentis, incendium gloria cultum,&quot; et cetera, et cetera... &quot;Memo bis punitor delicatum!!&quot; It's out of the control without decided to make a puzzle instead of a picnic! I am the king! I can do whatever I  could even push one piece together, they '''STOMPED''' on the floor, which now has to be pushed me away, because I'm the king of my birthday! And I'm the king of a grouchy girl sometimes... I'm the bossy king, and think I'm king! they're gonna mess it up for my birthday and it's all your fault, and then before I will be able to our army,  would still be alive, it's your fault she's mad!! And now I don't have a happy birthday without looking hard enough to see some stupid royal birthday, and I wish I'd never been born!!! [walks off in a huff]
:'''Quetzal''': Oh..., Outrageous! I know you've already just feeling very angry, Ord, yelled by a grouchy girl, It's not your fault and we say something very special to each other.
:'''Ord''': [he ragefully stomps, firmly fuming] Why bother? I'm king of stupid to understand anyway! I hadn't shown up even dragons celebrate my birthday in the first place, maybe I don't have to worry everything that was important to me! There's nothing, no, NOTHING, that's grouchy than me, and I wish I'd never been born!! I said it again! I wish I'd never been B-O-R-N, born!
:'''Quetzal''': ''[checks his pocket watch]'' Chill out, Ord! Every year, I know what to do to make you feel better.
:'''Ord''': [sarcastically] Aw, forget it! I said it again! I wish I'd never been B-O-R-N, born! I wish I'd never been born! I said, &quot;I wish I'd never been born!!&quot; There, I said it again! '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!'''
:'''Quetzal''': [calmly] I know you aren't. So, come with me.
:''[Ord and Quetzal go over to the treehouse where the others are watching by the window and all arguing, shouting, and they started kicking and laugh.]''
:'''Ord''': I'm the mad king, I'm the mad king! I'm the really, really, really mad king, Quetzal, I cannot let you put our family if they don't want to play with me! For I am the ruler of all that I see!!
:'''Quetzal''': Oh, I see if you are mad. Courage, Ord. Go up there and tell them what you told me.
:'''Ord''': Are you sure if I'm not mad?. 
:'''Quetzal''': Si.
:'''Ord''': Okay. I love too.
:''[Ord goes up the stairs and he takes one last look toward Quetzal who gives him a nod, before knocking on the door.]''
:'''Cassie''': I’m too busy right now, but we're almost done.
:'''Ord''': It's me, King Ord! And I'm too bossy and frustrated 'cause I'm ruler of my birthday but no one wants me around. And I don't want to be your friend anymore! I don't want to be your friend anymore at all!
:'''Cassie''': Hey, You're so bossy.
:'''Ord''': Yes, you did! You did!!! We're doomed who’s being such a bully!! It's your fault because you were going our separate ways forever. So, this is… This is your dumb the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous straight to stomp to you when I'm bossy!!
:'''Cassie''': Okay, Don't be mad. Guess what? You can come in now. 
:'''Ord''': [anger turns to thrilled to apologizes about being difficult being frivolous things at the wrong time.] Really? I just wanted to apologize because sometimes I was me too bossy.
:'''Emmy''': Aww, that's okay, You can knock gently on the door but don't banging and pounding hard. Go ahead, Ord.
:'''Ord''': Oh, Sure.
:''[Ord throws the royal crown and the royal cape away, Knocking gently, opens the door and is surprised with excitement.]''
:'''All:''' '''SSUURRPPRIIISSSEE!!!''' ''[everyone claps and cheers, celebrates happily and laughing]'' '''HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ORD!'''
:'''Ord''': You like me! You really like me!
:''[Max runs up to Ord and hugs him]''
:'''Max''': Of course we do, Ord. You're our biggest, bestest friend of all.
:'''Emmy''': I’m so glad it’s you. I'm sorry I was just felt so mad when i yelled at you. It's just that... because I just didn't want you to find out and I'll try to not be bossy about the surprise party.
:'''Ord''': Wow. Well,  I was really surprised!
:''[Wheezie lights the candle with her fire breath]''
:'''Wheezie''': Come on, Ord. Make a wish and blow out the candle.
:'''Ord''': Okay, here we go! 
:''[Ord uses wind power to blow it out and everyone applauds]''
:'''Max''': All right, Hooray for you, Ord.
:''[All clapping and cheering]''
:'''Emmy''': Good one.
:''[Quetzal walks around with a knife in his hand and starts cutting the cake]''
:'''Ord''': ''[with his mouth full]'' Boy! This is the really best birthday I've ever marvelous me! For I am the good ruler of all that I see! [the dragons cheered and dance happily to the music.]
:'''Everyone''': '''ALL RIGHT, ZAK AND WHEEZIE! YEAH! ALL RIGHT, ORD!''' [laugh]
:'''Max''': That sounded really cool!
:'''Cassie''': I love played the maracas...
:'''Everyone''': '''YES!'''
:'''Emmy''': [laugh and celebrating] '''YEAH! WOO-HOO!'''
:'''Max and Emmy''': I Love A Surprise to use this rhyme to go back home until next time. ''[Both then disappear and appear back in the playroom]''
:'''Max''': Oooh! My tummy hurts from eating all that cake.
:'''Emmy''': Me too. But it sure is a yummy tummyache.
:'''Max''': ''[laughs]'' Yeah.
:'''Emmy''': Guess What, Max? We're Not able to Rush for Ord's Surprise Party. We're Good.
:'''Max''': Yeah, I will tell my mom. I want a surprise birthday party this year.
:'''Emmy''': I Love a Surprise! But if you know it’s a surprise party, it won’t be a surprise.
:''[Max thought about that and realized she’s right, cheering.]''
:'''Max''': Hooray for you, Emmy. Mummy! Emmy has something to ask you!
:''[Max heads out the door while Emmy just smiles her head, reliefing.]''

===''Tails You Lose'' [1.4a]===
:'''Wheezie''': OH! They're dragons Zak, not snails!
:'''Zak''': Slow music is better for the game!
:''[Zak and Wheezie argue over whether the dance must be fast or slow.]'' 
:'''Wheezie''': '''IS NOT!'''
:'''Zak''': '''IS TOO!'''
:'''Wheezie''': '''IS NOT!'''
:'''Zak''': '''IS TOO!'''
:'''Wheezie''': '''IS NOT!'''
:'''Zak''': [Growls Loudly And Then He Violently Begins To Shout At Her] '''I DON'T CARE!!!!! DAMN IT, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN PEACE????!!!!!!!!!!!''' 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Emmy''': I'm not engaged! And as a matter of fact, the way this particular conversation is going right now, well... I'm fine with out! You don't play fair! I will not stand for what you did, and things are out of control! As of this moment, cause you're all '''GROUNDED!! So you LEAVE ME ALONE!!!'''
:'''Cassie''': [angrily screams in frustration] You're bossy, you jerk! You couldn't wait to come back here and brag, you don't want to be part of the game around while you do dumb things like that!!
:'''Emmy''': '''I'D HATE YOU, RULES STINK, LOSING STINKS &amp; EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!'''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[turns red in anger, furiously growls and angrily comfronts Emmy]''  No! Are you crazy, Emmy?  [growls lividly] '''THAT MAKES ME VERY ANGRY,''' since we've finished everything on the list, you’re the one who’s being such a bully! I am the temper drama king! I already filled up this ate it... I have no time for childish bickering with ideas!! Now, I've ruined their lives, and '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': '''SHUT UP!!! I AM  NEVER, EVER  PLAYING FREEZE DANCE AGAIN!!! I AM COMMAND YOU TO CUT IT OUT!!! AND IF YOU KEEP BEING SUCH A JERK I SWEAR THE GOD....I'LL SMASH TO FIRE YOU!!!''' ''[echoes]''
:'''Cassie''': [Fed Up] '''DON'T YOU DARE!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO PLAY WITH YOU AGAIN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN EXPLODE!!!!!?????!!!!!!!!!!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': ''[getting very angry; turns red angrily to cutting dragons off]'' '''CAN, YOU, CUT, A, BIG, FAT, STUPID, UGLY, CLUMSY, LUMP, IT, OUT, ALREADY!?!  I'D HATE YOU, MAX!!!''' 
:'''Max''': [Suddenly Snaps And He Launches Into An Rage Outburst] '''YOU KNOW WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' [With A lot Of Rage, Max's Behavior Got Worse] '''I'm losing a temper, so you become a loser!! We're doomed who’s being such a bully!! I'D HATE YOU &amp; EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''': ''[snaps]'' '''I’M VERY ANGRY!!'''
:'''Max''': '''YOU'D BETTER GET ALL OF THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEAD!!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': '''I AM GOING TO FIRE YOU, MAX!!!'''
:'''Max''':  [angrily scolding] '''I’M NOT SPEAKING TO ME EVER AGAIN! AND I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': [growls angrily and screams lividly] '''I SAID, &quot;I AM GOING TO FIRE YOU, MAX!!!&quot;'''
:'''Max''': '''QUIET!!'''
:'''Emmy''': '''You just shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, and I'm fed up of telling dragons to go away!!'''
:'''Max''': '''OH NO YOU'RE NOT!'''
:'''Emmy''': '''IF YOU KEEP BEING SUCH A JERK I SWEAR THE GOD....I'LL SMASH YOUR...-''' 
:'''Ord''': [turns red with angriest and screams at Emmy] '''OH REALLY, EMMY, ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!'''
:'''Emmy''':  '''THAT FREEZE GAME IS STUPID ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!''' 
:'''Ord''': ''What in the world is going on if you yelled at him?! I've shouting at you and it’s your dumb the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous things because you were supposed to stopped this instant!!! YOU ARE FIRED!!!''
:'''Wheezie''': [scowls] '''GRRRAAAARRGHHHHHH!!!!!! SSSSSTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPP IIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''   
:'''Zak''': [angered as throws tantrum] '''STOP YELLING!!!!!'''  You, just a show-off, You did not finish this game!!! I’ve had quite enough is enough of your excuses whatever I warning about the new game, bossy girl!!! (And you might already did! In fact, I’m done with you without the next round!! I told you I'm '''NOT''' spending it with you and you're not listening, because, '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!''') 
:'''Emmy''': [lividly shouting of his rage and scolds at dragons] '''STOP IT!!! YOU'RE GONNA HURT YOURSELF!!! FREEZE DANCE IS COMPLETE AND TOTAL OUTRAGE ALWAYS FIGHT TO COMMAND IS, YOU, ARE, FIRED!!!!!!'''
:'''Max''': ''[Suddenly Snaps And He Launches Into An Rage Outburst In Anger, Furiously Growls And Angrily Strikes Out At Emmy, Gets Snapping And Loudly Ticked Off]'' ''' I'M ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!! I'D HATE YOU &amp; EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! YOU MAKES ME VERY VERY ANGRY, YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! '''
:'''Emmy''': [angry] '''SHUT THE FUCK UP!'''
:'''Max''': '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''': [lividly bellowing] '''STOP IT!!!!'''
:'''Max''': '''I'M ANGRY!! '''
:'''Emmy''': '''YOU ARE FIRED!!!'''
:'''Max''': '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': [thunders angrily] '''DON'T YOU DARE!!!'''
:'''Max''': [becoming louder angrily] '''I'M A BULLY TO COMMAND TO FIRE YOU!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': [gets angrier] '''YOU, ARE, FIRED AND THAT’S FINAL, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!!!!'''
:'''Max''': [enraged with high pitched, savagely yells loudly] '''I'M NOT GONNA SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN FOR AS LONG AS I FIRE YOU!!!!!!!''' ''[echoes]'' 
:'''Emmy''': [angry roars] '''STOP!!!''' 
:'''Max''': [gets angrier and furious bellow] '''ZIP IT!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''': [bellows angrily] '''SHUT UP!!!''' 
:'''Max''': [screaming very loudly; echoing] '''I'M REALLY ANGRY, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''': '''I'LL SMASH YOUR A, BIG, FAT, STUPID, UGLY, CLUMSY, ANGRY!!!!!'''
:'''Max''': [yelling] '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN FIRED!?!?!?!?!''' 
:'''Emmy''': '''THAT'S IT!!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE!!!''' 
:'''Max''': [throws a tantrum, warning yells] '''I SAID &quot;GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN FIRED&quot;!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': '''I AM ANGRY AND DISAPPOINTED, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!'''
:'''Max''': [Yells Back At Emmy] '''YOU'RE GROUNDED, EMMY!!!''' 
:'''Emmy''': [whines, turns red with angriest and enraged with high-pitched, savagely screams] '''LIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRR!!! I AM NOT GONNA SPEAK ANY MORE!!! I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!!!!!'''
:'''Max''': [furiously scolds] '''YOU ARE GROUNDED, YOUNG EMMY! GET OUUUUUUUUTTT!'''
:'''Emmy''':   [Becoming Very Angry] '''I’M ANGRY WHEN YOU YELLED AT ME!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! YOU'D BETTER GET ALL OF THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEAD, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' 
:'''Max''': [gets angrier screams loudly then scowls] '''GRRR...I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''
:'''Emmy''': [enraged with angriest screams, freaking out]  '''GRRR!!! I'LL SMASHING THE WHALE PUPPET WHEN I'M GOING HOME!!! IF YOU LEAVE DRAGONS ALONE, I WISH I HAD SUCH A JERK I SWEAR THE GOD....I'LL SMASH YOUR SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!!!''' ''[She throws a furious fist and incredibly pissed off at him for all of the hurtful things she frustratingly stomping the ground repeatedly with storms angrily get blown away; sees in a blind heated outbursts, raging argument, temper tantrum.]'' 
:'''Emmy''': ''[angrily satisfied, then sputters her head in irritating &quot;wrapping up&quot; threateningly makes Max and the dragons argue at each other leads them into a full blown fight in anger]''  I hate,  I hate, to fed up this rhyme just go home to bed, because it's mine! (echoes)
:''[Emmy storms off violently and exits Dragon Land without Max, very pissed]''
:'''Max''': [growls angrily] I'm Really Hate You, Em! I'm very angry with you, dragons!! This is your last warning! You're grounded for complete disaster when enough is enough, I've ruined their lives, and I wish I'd never been born! '''I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE AS LONG AS I LIVE, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!''' [the dragons scowls into silence as he storms off to the school and inside he finds Quetzal who felt shocked to Max]
:'''Quetzal''': Hoh-woah, That's the worst case about the unpleasant game. Huh, Max? 
:'''Max''': [Being serious by grunts in frustration with a huff] '''PHOOEY ON FIGHTING!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Back in the playroom, Emmy’s angrier starts her anger sulking in sadness and bursts into tears, sobbing like giving up and shakes her fist in rages out of series ideas, which get more tense by flinches lividly her whale puppet, violently stomps on the &quot;Mr. Whale&quot;.]'' 
:'''Emmy''': [angrily yells sobbing louder] I am braggy and bossy, Mr. Whale! You're mad at me! I'm disappointed to you!! ''[then as her whale puppet]'' &quot;'''NOT FAIR!! I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!! IN FACT, A WORST, HORRIBLE AND TOTAL OUTRAGE GAMES, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' I'm all out of '''MONEY FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN, WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' I'm ruined! I'm done! I'm lost everything of their lives, and I wish I'd never been born!! It will be ripped up, I said it again! I wish I'd never been B-O-R-N, born, Emmy!! You losing something and I wish I'd never been born again!!!&quot; ''[then as she shoves her whale puppet, she makes despair voice, firmly inhales]'' You did not just say that, you did not just say that, I don't like you! You're grounded for have upset on purpose…it was only an such clumsiness accident! [she hands a tissue to blowing her nose to calming down as normal voice] Really? I've had quite enough of this foolish fighting about lose at that. I’m really sorry. Why, It's not your fault. I'm very sorry for stomping on it, Mr. Whale. What a horrid dragon friends playing Freeze Dance. ''[then as her whale puppet, sniffs]'' &quot;I'm sorry I yelled at you. I know you, ord and zak are upset about what happened, and I know Ord and Zak was upset about Emmy's temper, but I think we can get a different game. Listen. I'm sorry I ignored you when you've angry at the house. Take a deep breath and put it back together again in time.&quot; ''[then back to her normal voice]'' You really think so? ''[Mr. Whale agrees. she took a deep breath and sighs with tearfully to forgiveness smiled]'' I'm sorry I couldn't look like they're have fun. It's gonna be okay... you're gonna see more fun than me anyway… I'm very sorry to disturb you too much but I should go back, just to make sure Max is alright. (Emmy hands Mr. Whale a tissue and the puppet blows nose) Thank you for listening... because I just didn't want you to find out and I'll try to not be bossy, Mr. Whale. ''[Emmy finally calms down by comforting her puppet hug and takes out the dragon scale, smiley]'' OK, here we go. &quot;I wish, I wish, with all my heart ''to fly with dragons'' in a land apart.&quot; [This time, the dragons on the wall come to life and circle around her flying faster and faster until she arrive back to the DragonLand and start searching for Angry Max.]

===''Calling Dr. Zak'' [1.4b]===
:'''Emmy''': It's in here somewhere. Got it!
:'''Max''': And I got my guitar. ''[imitates guitar]''
:'''Emmy''': Stop fooling around, Max. We have to get to Dragon Land.
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish with all my heart to fly with dragons in a land apart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Booboogone''': Now, Zak, squeeze!
:''[Zak shuts his eyes and squeezes Wheezie's hand as the thorn is removed]''
:'''Zak''': I'm squeezing as hard as I can! I'm still squeezing! When are you going to take the thorn out?
:'''Dr. Booboogone''': I already have, Zak.
:'''Zak''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time.
:'''Emmy''': I knew Zak and Wheezie were gonna win the dance contest.
:'''Max''': They were great.
:'''Mom''': ''Max! Emmy!''
:'''Emmy''': What is it, Mom?
:'''Mom''': ''I made a doctor's appointment for you both tomorrow. It's time for your checkups.''
:''[Despite a &quot;doctor's appointment&quot; announcement --made by their mother-- Max and Emmy do not mind.]'' 
:'''Max''': Let's play doctor, Emmy.
:'''Emmy''': Okay.

===''Pigment of Your Imagination'' [1.5a]===
:'''Max''': Dandelions.
:'''Emmy''': Max, no! ''[Emmy shook his head]''
:'''Ord''': Anything!
:[''couching, music playing'' and ''painting cans chatting'']
:''[Before going back to the playroom.]'' 
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme, to go back home until next time.

===''Zak's Song'' [1.5b]===
:'''Wheezie''': But Do-Re-Mi's are wild birds, they like wild music, i'll show ya...!
:'''Zak''': ''[putting it in its place]'' No, Wheezie! This time i'm gonna try it my way. ''[he removes the beak of bird and keep going playing the melody in front of the Do-Re-Mi's]''
:'''Wheezie''': It's not working see, I knew...
:'''Max''': Look!

===''Snow Dragons'' [1.6a]===
:'''

===''The Fury is Out on This One'' [1.6b]===
:'''

===''The Giant of Nod'' [1.7a]===
:'''Wheezie''': I don't believe it, he didn't even yawn.

===''The Big Sleepover'' [1.7b]===
:''[Emmy goes over to Cassie's house and knocks on the door; Cassie comes out to bedroom window.]''
:'''Cassie''': Emmy! What are you doing here?
:'''Emmy''': What are you doing here? Aren't you coming to Zak and Wheezie's sleepover?
:'''Cassie''': Oh, I don't know. ''[Emmy climbs up to her window through the ivy of the facade and Cassie gasps]''
:'''Emmy''': Come on, Cassie. You'll have fun! Big time!
:'''Cassie''': I know. But I've never slept away from my mummy and daddy before! Ever! Not even one whole time!
:'''Emmy''': Well, what if you brought something to remind you of home?
:'''Cassie''': Like what?
:'''Emmy''': On my first sleepover, I brought Lupita. She's my favorite doll.
:'''Cassie''': Oh! Maybe I could bring... ''[leaves and comes back with a pile of books]'' Some of my favorite books! ''[catches the top book as it falls off]''
:'''Emmy''': How about just one?
:'''Cassie''': Oh, I could never pick just one. Wait, I've got another idea! ''[puts the books away and returns with a pile of pillows]'' How about my favorite pillows? ''[Emmy shakes her head]'' Still too much?
:'''Emmy''': Definitely!
:'''Cassie''': Oh. I know! ''[puts the pillows away and takes out a photo of her with her parents and two of her siblings]'' I'll take this picture of my mummy and daddy and all my brothers and sisters! ''[unfolds it to reveal more pictures that tile out the window down the wall]''
:'''Emmy''': All seventy-four of them? That'll work. Come on, you can do it!
:'''Cassie''': Okay, I'll try.
:'''Emmy''': Yes!
:''[Changes to the knuckerhole later that night; the sleepover is on! Laughter and cheering rings out from Zak and Wheezie's bedroom as Emmy, Max, Ord, and Cassie jump in the bed while Zak looks at his alarm clock and Wheezie play his drum.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;90%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': Now, can we '''PLEASE''' get ready for bed?!  ''[&quot;PLEASE&quot; is mistakenly heard as &quot;police&quot;]''
:'''Zak and Wheezie's dad''': Everything really funtastic and wild in there for you kiddos?
:'''Wheezie''': '''FUNTASTIC, DADDY! GOOF-BALL-O-RAMA!'''
:'''Zak and Wheezie's mom''': ''[as Cassie hesitates and takes out a photo of her family]'' Now if you need anything, dear, remember, we're right down the hall. Just a holler away. A few small steps.
:'''Zak''': Thanks, mummy.
:'''Emmy''': What's the matter, Cassie?
:'''Cassie''': I miss my daddy and mummy.
:'''Wheezie''': Why don't you call them?
:'''Cassie''': Can I?
:'''Wheezie''': Sure!
:''[Changes to a ceiling phone horn; Wheezie gets it down for Cassie to use.]''
:'''Wheezie''': Talk away!
:'''Cassie''': Hi, this is Cassie. Can you connect me to my mummy and daddy?
:'''Cassie's dad''': Hello? Cassie? Is that you?
:'''Cassie''': Hi, Father.
:'''Cassie's dad''': Are you having fun?
:'''Max''': ''[comes past still spinning]'' Wheeeeeeeee!!!
:'''Cassie''': Sort of. I just wondered if you and Mummy miss me. I mean, I could come home if you want.
:'''Cassie's dad''': Of course we miss you, honey, but why don't you try and stay a little longer and have fun with your friends?
:'''Cassie''': Okay, I'll try.
:'''Cassie's dad''': Bye, sweetie.
:'''Cassie''':: Bye, Father.
:''[The call ends and the phone retracts.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;90%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ord makes shadow puppets]''
:'''Max''': Wow! That's cool! Let me try! ''[makes a simplistic shadow puppet]''
:'''Zak''': What is that?
:'''Max''': A rock.
:'''Zak and Wheezie's dad''': Okay, kiddos! Five minutes until beddy-bye time!
:'''Zak''': ''[excitedly]'' '''BEDDY-BYE TIME?! BEDDY-BYE TIME?! YES!'''
:'''Wheezie''': [dismayed] Oh, Zaky...

===''A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words'' [1.8a]===
:''[The Doodle Fairy has drawn a picture to communicate with them]''
:'''Max''': It's a hairy bug!
:''[The Doodle Fairy shakes her head]''
:'''Zak''': This is too hard! I'll quit.
:'''Ord''': We can't give up! Please!
:'''Zak''': OK, if you insist...

===''The Talent Pool'' [1.8b]===
:'''Cassie''': I know. I can't help it. 
:'''Emmy''': I have an idea, Cassie.
:'''Cassie''': Can I try? ''[giggles]'' I'm doing it.
:'''Emmy''': That's it.
:'''Max''': Way to go, Cassie!
:'''Ord''': ''Yay, Cassie!''
:'''Cassie''': ''[notices sound]'' Sorry, Zak. Here. I'll fix your boo-boo.
:'''Zak''': ''[sighs]'' Thanks for helping me fell better, Cassie.
:'''Cassie''': Yeah, but, I can't do anything special for the talent show.
:'''Ord''': Don't give up, Cassie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cassie''': I don't know what to do, Quetzal. I tried and tried, but, I ''can't'' think of anything special I can do.
:'''Quetzal''': Why don't we look in the Big Story Book?

===''Emmy's Dreamhouse'' [1.9a]===
:'''Zak''': Emmy, how do you like the steps Wheezie and I made?
:'''Wheezie''': We've even thought of a secret musical password. ''[plays &quot;Shave and a Haircut&quot; on the steps, with Zak's triangle making up the final two notes.]'' Love it!
:'''Emmy''': It's great. But red steps would go better with the rest of the treehouse, don't you think? ''[pours a can of red paint all over the stairs and some of it gets on Wheezie's foot]''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[angrylid]'' No! You said we could have...
:'''Zak''': Whatever we want and...
:'''Wheezie''': We want black and white!
:'''Emmy''': Oops. Sorry. I guess I forgot to ask again, didn't I?
:''[Zak and Wheezie are angry as Emmy enters the treehouse where everyone is setting up their things. Cassie is setting up her bookshelf.]''
:'''Cassie''': Let's see. Where should I put my picture book on flying? Right there. ''[the book flies into place]'' How do you like my new bookshelf, Emmy?
:'''Emmy''': It looks nice, Cassie. It would look better with these flowers on it. [takes out a flowerpot with flowers in it]
:'''Cassie''': But those are your flowers!
:'''Emmy''': Yeah.
:'''Cassie''': And they're too tall!
:'''Emmy''': I know. ''[takes all of Cassie's books off the shelf and lowers the middle shelf to the bottom. She then puts the books cover side down with two stacked up in the middle and puts the flowerpot on top of them.]''
:'''Emmy''': Perfect!
:'''Cassie''': But... my books! ''[starts laughing and grows]''
:'''Emmy''': Oh, Cassie, I'm sorry I made you feel mad! ''[Cassie runs off]'' I can't believe I forgot to ask what she wanted.
:'''Max''': Emmy, take a look through my telescope!
:''[Ord is getting his toy chest set up and Max has put his telescope near the window]''
:'''Max''': You can see the Stickleback Mountains.
:'''Ord''': And check out my... my... ''[grunts trying to close it but can't]'' ...toy drawer. Neat, huh?
:'''Emmy''': Yeah! And this is a great spot for our play rug.
:''[She unfolds the rug doing fall Max's telescope and covers the toy chest a bit at the corner]''
:'''Emmy''': We'll only have to move your stuff a little bit, okay?
:'''Ord''': I guess.
:''[Emmy pushes the toy chest off the rug into the wall and moves the telescope to the opposite side.]''
:'''Emmy''': That's better.
:'''Max''': No, it isn't! You didn’t leave room for my telescope!
:'''Ord''': And I can’t play with my toy drawer in the corner because there’s not enough room!
:'''Cassie''': ''[aggravated]'' And you made my bookshelf the way you wanted it!
:'''Wheezie''': And Zaky and I didn’t like how you repainted our steps!
:'''Zak''': Or our toenails! ''[Wheezie shows the paint on her foot]''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[wryly]'' Actually, I thought the toenails were kinda pretty.
:'''Max''': ''[carrying his telescope]'' You’re not being nice, Emmy!
:'''Wheezie''': Come on, everyone! Let’s go build our own treehouse!
:'''Zak''': The way we want it!
:''[Everyone less Emmy leaves very annoying]''
:'''Emmy''': ''[also angry]'' I was just trying to make the treehouse better, that's all!
:''[They all leave indignant with their stuff and Zak and Wheezie takes the staircase leaving Emmy in the treehouse]''
:'''Emmy''': Have it your way! I'll just build my own treehouse! ''[so she tries to build a ladder herself but it breaks]'' Oh, this is no fun. Isn't it?
:'''Sid Sycamore''': Hey, maybe a tree joke will cheer you up! Why did the tree cross the road? Give up? He had to &quot;leaf!&quot; Get it? Tree? Leaf? Ha ha! Wocka Wocka! [He laughs, and leaves fall out; Emmy does not answer.] So, friend troubles, huh?
:'''Emmy''': Yeah. They're mad. I didn't let them do what they wanted.
:'''Sid Sycamore''': Well, if you choose all the colors and decide where everything should go, what's left for your friends to do?
:'''Emmy''': They can, uh... Not much, I guess. Maybe I'd better help them put things back the way they wanted?
:'''Sid Sycamore''': Hey, now you're barkin' up the right tree! Wocka Wocka!
:''[Rumbling is heard and the purple goo clouds are coming closer]''
:'''Sid Sycamore''': Hey, you better hurry. The purple goo clouds are almost here!
:''[Emmy runs off and the others are at the other side of the forest carrying their things when she them catches up]''
:'''Emmy''': Wait up! ''[they stop, she sighs and asks for forgiveness, with the purpose of amendment]'' I guess I wasn't very good at listening and letting you do what you wanted. It's just that I get really excited about my own ideas. But it's no fun building a treehouse without my friends. Can we finish it together? Please?
:'''Ord''': Sure!
:'''Wheezie''': Of course!
:'''Max''': Let's do it!
:'''Emmy''': Come on, Cassie. We can fix your bookshelf just the way you wanted. And, Max, where do you want that telescope?
:''[Much later, the treehouse is being finished the way everyone wants it. Max and Ord roll out the rug and Emmy builds the roof. More rumbling as the purple goo clouds come closer and everyone notices.]''

===''Dragon Sails'' [1.9b]===

===''Eggs Over Easy'' [1.10a]===

===''A Liking to Biking'' [1.10b]===
:'''Emmy''': ''[singing]'' Rain, Rain, Go Away.
:'''Max''': Heh, and don't come back!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': OH, NO! I'M GONNA FALL! '''AAH!'''
:'''Cassie''': Ord, you're a dragon; use your wings.
:'''Ord''': Oh, yeah! ''[flies safely back up the cliff]'' I forgot.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Emmy''': Look, Max, the rain stopped. We can go outside now.
:'''Max''': Yeah!
:'''Emmy''': Watch the door!
:'''Max''': ''[crashes and falls]'' I know, I know. Watch where I'm going.
:''[both giggle]''

===''Sky Pirates'' [1.11a]===

===''Four Little Pigs'' [1.11b]===
:'''Max''': I'm the pig in the straw house! [Max's puppet has a mustache.] ''[imitates pigs oinks]''
:'''Ord''': I'm the pig in the house of sticks. ''[imitates pigs oinks]''
:'''Cassie''': And I'm the smart pig! In the brick house! Oink, oink, oink!
:'''Emmy''': And now it's time for the most important puppet of all!
:'''Zak''': Yeah! The really big....
:'''Wheezie''': Really bad...
:'''Zak, Wheezie and Emmy''': Wolf! ''[imitates wolf's howls until they stop. Zak and Wheezie stare at Emmy. Zak is glaring and Wheezie is confused.]''
:'''Zak''': Huh?
:'''Wheezie''': Why'd you make a wolf?
:'''Emmy''': 'Cause I'm playing the wolf.
:''[Zak and Wheezie growl at Emmy's sock puppet and look at each other and back at Emmy]''
:'''Emmy''': What a cool wolf puppet! Oh, I'm sorry! I wouldn't have made my puppet... ''[takes her wolf puppet off her left hand and tosses it aside and grabs Zak and Wheezie's wolf puppets and puts them on both her hands]'' ...if I knew you were gonna make one for me. Thank you so much!
:''[Zak and Wheezie look at each other sad]''
:'''Zak''': Uh, you're welcome.
:''[Wheezie gets mad]''
:'''Wheezie''': No, she's not! We made it for us! ''[Wheezie takes back her and Zak's wolf puppets from Emmy and places them on both their hands]'' We want to play the wolf!
:'''Emmy''': But I thought you wanted to play the music.
:'''Zak''': We always have to play the music!
:'''Wheezie''': And this time we want to do something else!
:'''Max''': But you play music the best!
:'''Zak''': Well, we wanna be the wolf!
:'''Wheezie''': Yeah! No wolf...
:'''Both''': No, Zak and Wheezie.
:'''Cassie''': But if you play the wolf, who will play the music?
:''[Emmy hangs her head down]''
:'''Emmy''': I can't play the music by myself.
:'''Cassie''': Well, I don't think I can. ''[to Ord with her puppet]'' What about you?
:'''Ord''': Oh, no! ''[with his puppet]'' I'm a pig!
:'''Emmy''': ''[to Zak and Wheezie]'' You've got to play the music!
:'''Max''': You're the best!
:'''Ord''': Please!
:'''Cassie''': Will you?
:''[Zak gets mad]''
:'''Zak''': No! If we can't be the wolf....
:'''Wheezie''': We don't wanna play with you anymore. ''[both Zak and Wheezie nod their heads no, and walk out of the theater. Emmy tries to say something, but the words don't come out. Zak and Wheezie run away angrily. Cassie peeks out calling to them. Next, Emmy, Max and Ord peek out.]''
:'''Cassie''': Zak!
:'''Emmy''': Wheezie!
:'''Ord''': Wait!
:''[Zak and Wheezie jump into their hole. Cassie runs up to the hole. Emmy, Max and Ord follow suit. They peek down the hole. They are now all sad.]''
:'''Cassie''': [sighs] I guess we'll have to do the show without them.
:'''Ord''': But we need music, don't we?
:'''Emmy''': ''[smiling]'' I have an idea! Come on!
:''[The gang goes back to the stage. Zak and Wheezie poke their heads out of their hole and sees the gang walking away. Zak and Wheezie look at each other sadly.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wolf''': I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': I miss Zak and Wheezie...

===''Zak and the Beanstalk'' [1.12a]===

===''A Feat on Her Feet'' [1.12b]===
:'''Zak''': Slow down!
:''[screams]'' 
:'''Max''': It's Cassie.
:'''Ord''': Look out!
:''[all screaming]''
:'''Cassie''': Oh, no! ''[crashes]''
:'''Emmy''': Sorry, Cassie.
:'''Ord''': Are you okay?
:'''Cassie''': I'm fine. But, look, my poor flowers. Oh, you poor things. How I will ever get you to Singing Springs now?
:'''Emmy''': Why do you need to take the flowers to Singing Springs, Cassie?
:'''Cassie''': Because they're Jingle Flowers. I grow them from seeds. But, now, that they're grow up, I need to plant them at Singing Springs. Cause without the  foundation music water they'll lose the Jingle Flowers.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': Nice skating, Cassie!
:'''Cassie''': Come on, let's get the jingle flowers plant now!

===''Not Separated at Birth'' [1.13a]===
:''[Zak and Wheezie are in an argument. And they convince themselves that they want to be separated from each other forever.]''
:'''Zak''': ''[to Wheezie]'' '''I WISH I WASN'T STUCK TOGETHER WITH YOU, WHEEZIE!'''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[shouts back --and to Zak]'' '''REALLY?! WELL, I DOUBLE WISH IT!'''
:'''Zak''': '''THEN I DOUBLE, DOUBLE WISH IT!''' 
:'''Quetzal''': My, my, niños. You two really wish to be separated from each other?
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ''[in chorus]'' '''YES!'''
:'''Quetzal''': Then, so be it if you can. ''[he takes out a pair of pink crystals]'' Here. Take these crystals. ''[they take them]'' Now fly into the air and say: &quot;Alakazoo, split in two.&quot; Rub the crystals together and your wish will come true.
:'''Wheezie''': Come on, Zak! Let's get flapping!
:'''Zak''': ''[annoyed]'' Well, I'm not holding us up...
:''[They fly into the air, each holding a crystal]''
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': Alakazoo, split in two!
:''[They rub the crystals together and appears a blinding flash of light as Emmy and Max gasp. The flight floats down to them and it clears to reveal Zak and Wheezie now with their own separate bodies.]''
:'''Wheezie''': Loooooove it!
:'''Zak''': Two feet, two claws, and two wings? Too good to be true! Ha-ha-ha!
:'''Max''': Wow!
:'''Emmy''': I don't believe it!
:'''Ord''': Did it hurt?
:'''Zak''': No, it didn't.
:'''Cassie''': How does it feel?
:'''Wheezie''': Great! Now I can do anything I want! ''[does some somersaults]'' Whoo! See? Just me.
:'''Zak''': Well, look at this... ''[does a handstand]'' A handstand, all by myself!
:'''Wheezie''': ''[lands behind him]'' Watch me! ''[does some loops in the air and divebombs down]''
:'''Zak''': Careful, Wheezie!
:''[Wheezie does some more tricks in the sky but suddenly she crashes into a tree and everyone gasps. She falls out as Zak and Emmy run over.]''
:'''Emmy''': Are you okay?
:'''Wheezie''': Okay?! I'm better than okay!
:'''Zak''': Thank goodness. I'll never have to fly too fast again. ''[flies at his own slow pace]''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[yawns]'' Ho hum.
:''[Later Wheezie empties out the playground equipment]''
:'''Max''': How are we gonna make all that stuff into a slide?
:'''Wheezie''': It's easy. You got Wheezie. Let's go!
:'''Max''': Oh, no! I forgot my other tools!
:'''Ord''': Here, Max. ''[hands him tools from his pouch]'' You can use my wrench and my screwdriver, my pliers and my saw and...
:'''Max''': ''[falls down and laughs]'' Ord, enough!
:'''Wheezie''': ''[holding a plank and post]'' Now, which one goes where? ''[bumps the post against the plank]''
:'''Ord''': I don't think they fit, Wheezie.
:'''Wheezie''': [hammers the post into the plank, denting it] Ha! They do now.
:''[The slide is later fully constructed but poorly]''
:'''Wheezie''': Ta-da! Don't you just looooooooove it?!
:'''Ord''': Is it supposed to look like that?
:'''Wheezie''': Yeah! Wild and fun!
:'''Max''': What's that stuff for? ''[he points to the parts that were never used]''
:'''Wheezie''': Uh... they're just extras. Oh, don't worry. This is gonna be super-duper! ''[she leans against the slide and suddenly it falls apart]''
:'''Wheezie''': Uh-oh. Hm, maybe those weren't extras. Zak would've known how to put it together. Oh, Zaky?!
:''[Elsewhere, Zak is helping Emmy and Cassie with the drum trampoline. Wheezie walks up.]''
:'''Wheezie''': We had a teensy little problem. Could you please help us? ''[shows him the broken slide parts]''
:'''Zak''': Hmm... Huh? ''[takes out a blueprint of the slide]'' Wheezie, did you follow the directions?
:'''Wheezie''': Ah, who needs those boring things?
:'''Ord and Max''': We do!
:'''Wheezie''': Okay, okay! Following the directions is Zak's job, but I can do it too! Thanks for the help, Zak. ''[takes it from him]'' Let's see. Where's the thingamajig?
:''[Zak is working on the trampolines as Emmy and Cassie pull on the elastic bed]''
:'''Zak''': A little more... Not too tight... Not too loose...
:'''Cassie and Emmy''': '''ZAK!!!!'''
:'''Zak''': Sorry. Usually Wheezie tells me when we're done. ''[finishes tightening the bolts]'' There. Three perfect drum trampolines.
:'''Emmy''': Yes! Now I can show you my famous bottoms-up bounce! ''[she tries to bounce but falls on her back as it dents in]'' Whoa!!
:'''Cassie''': That's your big bounce?
:'''Emmy''': No way! Zak, the trampoline is saggy!
:'''Zak''': I know. This way we can jump nice and slow.
:'''Emmy''': Slow?! But we need bouncy! You can't do good flips and knee drops unless it's bouncy!
:'''Cassie''': Let me try. ''[she jumps and falls too]'' Whoa!! It's... it's...
:'''Both''': Boring...
:'''Zak''': I guess Wheezie would've known how to make it fun. Wheezie, can you come here?
:''[The others are working on the slide and Wheezie comes over]''
:'''Zak''': What's wrong with our trampolines?
:'''Wheezie''': ''[pulls on the still loose ropes]'' You just need to tighten the ropes an extra squeeze, so they'll be extra bouncy.
:''[Zak does just that; he tests the trampoline]''
:'''Zak''': Thanks, Wheezie. I knew you'd know what to do. That's bouncy, all right.
:'''Cassie''': Okay, Emmy, show us your big bounce!
:''[Emmy bounces and flips flawlessly]''
:'''Cassie''': Wow!
:'''Emmy''': Come on, you try!
:'''Cassie''': ''[bounces on it]'' Whee! He-he-he-he! ''[gets off]'' Hey, Emmy, is there anything else we can do on here besides jump?
:'''Emmy''': Well...
:'''Ord''': Hey, everybody! Step right up!
:'''Max''': The xylophone slide is now ready to go!
:''[It is perfectly constructed]''
:'''Wheezie''': Whoo-hoo! See you later, alligators! ''[she slides down cheering and lands hard on the ground]''
:'''Zak''': Wheezie, are you okay? Did you get a boo-boo? Are you bleeding?
:'''Wheezie''': It was fun! ...Except for the landing.
:'''Ord''': So now we have a great slide.
:'''Max''': With an icky landing. What are we going to do?
:''[Ord pulls out a sandwich]''
:'''Ord''': Have a snack?
:'''Zak''': ''[gets an idea]'' Why don't we put the slide and the trampoline...
:'''Wheezie''': Together?
:'''Zak''': Exactly!
:''[All they move the trampolines in front of the slide]''
:'''Wheezie''': Is this the right spot, Zaky?
:'''Zak''': A little over... Just right!
:'''Wheezie''': Let's try it.
:'''Zak''': You first, Wheezie.
:'''Wheezie''': ''[takes her place]'' Look out below!!!!!!! ''[she slides down and bounces across the trampolines coming in for a perfect landing]'' Looooooove it! Zaky, you're up!
:'''Zak''': All by myself? Only me? Nobody else? Will you come with me, Wheezie?
:'''Wheezie''': Sure.
:''[They sit at the top of the slide together]''
:'''Zak''': Ready, Freddy?
:'''Wheezie''': Okey-dokey, artichoke-y!
:''[They slide and bounce laughing and shouting happily]''
:'''Zak''': That was fun!
:''[The others cheer them happy]''
:'''Others''': Let's go!/I wanna try!/Me next!/Don't forget me!
:''[Quetzal comes back]''
:'''Quetzal''': Fantástico! You did a great job putting everything together. Is it fun?
:'''Wheezie''': It's fun-tastic! But I have an idea that will make it even better. ''[whispers into Zak's ear]''
:'''Zak''': Great idea, Wheezie.
:''[They both whisper to Quetzal]''
:'''Max''': What idea? I don't get it.
:'''Wheezie''': Quetzal, can we?
:'''Zak''': Pretty please, with a fireball on top?
:'''Emmy''': Tell me. I wanna know!
:'''Quetzal''': ''[gets out the crystals from before]'' I think it's a wonderful idea.
:'''Cassie''': What is?
:'''Quetzal''': ''[as Zak and Wheezie take the crystals]'' Fly into the air and say: &quot;Alakazoo, stick like glue.&quot; Then rub the crystals together.
:'''Zak''': Come on, Wheezie!
:''[Both they hold hands and fly up]''
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': Alakazoo, stick like glue!
:''[They rub the crystals; a blinding flash of light as it comes down and it clears revealing Zak and Wheezie have returned to their original two-headed self.]''
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': Ha-ha, yeah!/We did it!
:''[They high five and fly around happily]''
:'''Max''': Now I get it!
:'''Cassie''': They're our Zak and Wheezie again!
:'''Emmy''': Definitely!

===''A Kite for Quetzal'' [1.13b]===
:'''Max''': I guess we'll just have to go home now. Huh, Emmy?
:'''Emmy''': Guess so, Max.

===''Dragon Drop'' [1.14a]===

===''Cassie Loves a Parade'' [1.14b]===
:'''Cassie''': I really, really wanted to ride on that float. It's not fair. It's just not fair. Whoa! ''[Cassie hits the tree, spider web and the flower!]'' It's just hate today.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': Uh, how are we gonna stop this thing?
:'''Emmy''': Easy. You can fly us out of here.
:'''Ord''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Zak''' and '''Wheezie''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Cassie''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Cassie''': Yeah. I was sad because I didn't get picked for the book float. ''[giggles]'' And I ended up having fun anyway.
:'''Emmy''': Let's go.
:'''Quetzal''': Have fun, niños.
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time.
:'''Emmy''': Hey I never did get my chocolate milkshake.
:'''Mom''': ''Emmy? Max? Anyone for ice cream?''
:'''Emmy''': Coming, Mom.
:'''Max''': Hey, wait for me.

===''A Cool School'' [1.15a]===
:'''Ord''': Slam dunk... 
:'''Max''': For Air Ord-an!

===''Max's Comic Adventure'' [1.15b]===

===''It Happened One Nightmare'' [1.16a]===

===''Staying Within the Lines'' [1.16b]===
:''[The next scene shows Dragon Land not in color and it's all white and monochrome.]''
:'''Ord''': Max! Emmy! I'm so glad you got here.
:'''Max''': Hey, where's our hug, Ord?
:'''Ord''': Not now, Max. We got work to do.
:'''Quetzal''': Hola, niños!
:'''Emmy''': Hola, Quetzal!
:'''Max''': Hi!
:'''Quetzal''': We all have something very important to do. Look over there.
:'''Emmy''': What happen to all the color?
:'''Cassie''': It got washed away by a big rain storm.
:'''Ord''': Even our school.
:'''Quetzal''': Si, that's why I brought these. You all go to the Stickleback Mountains. I'll color in the School in the Sky, you can help color in the rest.
:'''Emmy''': But you can't color in a real mountain.
:'''Quetzal''': In Dragon Land, you can!
:'''Max''': I love to color. This is gonna be fun!
:'''Ord''': Come on, everyone! Let's go!
:'''Quetzal''': But be careful, niños! There's a giant sleeping in the Stickleback Mountains and if he's awaken, he can be quite grumpy!
:'''Max''': Wow! It looks like a giant coloring book!
:'''Emmy''': Yeah! Before it's been colored!
:''[Ord and Cassie landed, Max and Emmy got off of their backs. They see the Knuckerhole, hear Zak and Wheezie's voice and see them pop out of the Knuckerhole in the air.]''
:'''Emmy''': Zak! Wheezie!
:''[Zak and Wheezie land on the ground]''
:'''Wheezie''': We came as soon as we got Quetzal's message!
:'''Zak''': Wh-what's wrong?
:'''Max''': There's no color.
:'''Wheezie''': No color? Haaatte it! it looks so...
:'''Zak''': Neat and clean? '''LOOOOVE IT!''' ''[laugh]'' Why messing it up by coloring it?
:'''The Gang''': ''[annoying]'' '''ZAK!!!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;85%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': That leaves a knucker hole for you and me, Wheezie...
:'''Wheezie''': ''[filling the brush with paint of various colors]'' Oooooooh, I just love coloring, it's so... so... colorful! 
:''[They go to the knucker hole with a paintbrush and Wheezie paints it with all the colors of the rainbow]''
:'''Zak''': ''[scolding her]'' Wheezie... Knucker holes are supposed to be brown.
:'''Wheezie''': Uh-uh... They're prettier in rainbow... 
:''[Zak won't let him paint the knucker hole that color and Wheezie throws the paintbrush with paint in his snout, much to his disgust.]''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[laugh]'' You look prettier in rainbow too, Zaky.

===''Follow the Dots'' [1.17a] ===

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emmy''': Like Mexican chili pepper. I know. I'll count them in Spanish. ''Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis.'' That's 6.

:'''Max''': Look, Ord. Dandelions!
:'''Ord''': One, two... three, four, five, six... ( ''groaning '' ) seven. ( ''sneezes'' )
:'''Max''': Bless you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': I found another dot!
:'''Ord''': I don't see anything we can count.
:'''Max''': I do. ''Stinky-dink bugs!'' ( ''muffled'' ) You write the number this time, because I gotta hold my nose.
:'''Ord''': ( ''muffled'' ) Okay, Max.
:'''Max''': One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Phew!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish with all my heart to go back home until next time.
:'''Emmy''': Let's do some more connect the dots, Max.
:'''Max''': Here's one.
:'''Emmy''': I wonder what it's a picture of.
:'''Max''': Maybe, a race car, or a dinosaur. Or a...
:'''Max and Emmy''': ''Norm The Number Gnome!''
( ''music song ends'' )

===''A Smashing Success'' [1.17b]===

:''[After Wheezie blamed Cassie and said it was Cassie who broke her trumpet and after Emmy's lie got her --Cassie-- and Zak in trouble.]''
:'''Cassie''': ''[crying --and to Emmy]'' '''THANKS A LOT, EMMY!''' 
:''[Cassie cries. That is, after Emmy's lie got her --Cassie-- in trouble when Wheezie pinned the blame on her. Then, Cassie says...!]'' 
:'''Cassie''': ''[in between tears]'' '''NOW WHEEZIE IS NOT SPEAKING TO ME EVER AGAIN, AND I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!'''
:''[Cassie says that thanks to Emmy, Wheezie is not going to speak to her again. And she didn't do anything. After Cassie accuses Emmy --for making Wheezie blame her-- she resumes crying. When Emmy --so she would not get in trouble with Wheezie for breaking her trumpet-- did not tell Wheezie, who had blamed both Zak and Cassie. So Emmy knew her lie had gotten both Zak and Cassie in such trouble.]''
:'''Max''': We have to tell Quetzal.
:'''Emmy''': Max? Wait!
''[Meanwhile, Quetzal was hanging some of the lights up on the shack, when Emmy and Max came up to tell him the situation.]''
:'''Max''': ''[panting]'' Emmy's in BIG trouble, because she wouldn't tell.
:'''Quetzal''': Wouldn't tell what, Em?
:'''Emmy''': Uh, a story. I mean, I needed to ask you a question, Quetzal, and I, uh... I have to tell you a story to do it.
:'''Quetzal''': I see. I think.
:'''Emmy''': Well! Uh... There's this little mouse with ribbon in her hair.
:'''Quetzal''': ''Sí.''
:'''Emmy''': And she accidentally broke something that belonged to a two-headed turtle.
:'''Quetzal''': ''Sí,'' go on.
:'''Emmy''': And, well, the Little Mouse didn't know how to tell the Two-Headed Turtle what she did. What should she have done, Quetzal?
:'''Quetzal''': Well! If ''I'' were that Little Mouse with a red ribbon on my hair, I would have stood up straight, taken a deep breath, and told ''Wheezie'' that I broke her trumpet.
:'''Emmy''': Huh? How did you know?!
:'''Max''': I didn't tell him.
:'''Quetzal''': It's not important how I knew. What is important is what you are going to do about it.
:'''Emmy''': I guess if a friend broke something of mine, I'd want them to tell me.
:'''Ord''': Tell you what? ''[He and the others come by.]''
:'''Max''': That she broke it.
:'''Cassie''': Who broke it?
:'''Max''': The Little Mouse.
:'''Zak''': Broke what?
:'''Emmy''': Your trumpet.
:'''Wheezie''': A little mouse broke my trumpet?
:'''Max''': ''[chuckles]''
:'''Emmy''': OK, I'm just going to do it. ''[draws deep breath]'' I broke your trumpet, Wheezie! I thought you'd be mad at me so I hid it. Then, I tried to fix it, but that only made it worse, so I asked Cassie to tell you, and, well, that didn't help either.
:'''Wheezie''': You should've just told me, Emmy, and then I wouldn't have made Zak or Cassie feel bad. ''[to Zak and Cassie]'' Sorry.
:'''Zak and Cassie''': That's OK, Wheezie.
:'''Emmy''': I know I should say I'm sorry. I bet no one wants to be ''my'' friend any more...
:'''Cassie''': Of course we do.
:'''Emmy''': You do?! ''[Cassie nodded]'' ''[to Wheezie]'' How about you, Wheezie?
:'''Wheezie''': I'm pretty glad you told me, Emmy. Of course we're still friends. ''[She and Emmy hug each other.]''
:'''Ord''': We'll just have to play our song another time.
:'''Quetzal''': Maybe not, Ord. ''[He sprinkled some of his magic on the trumpet, which gets fixed.]''
:'''Wheezie''': My trumpet! You've fixed it, for real!
:'''Emmy''': Thank you, Quetzal.
:'''Cassie''': You're the greatest!
:'''Zak''': It's almost show time.
:'''Ord''': Come on!
-----
:'''Max''': Uh, Emmy, I have something to tell you.
:'''Emmy''': What's wrong now?
:'''Max''': I think I broke your dolly.
:'''Emmy''': Oh, that old thing? It's always falling apart.
:'''Max''': You mean, it's already broken, and you're not mad at me?
:'''Emmy''': Definitely not.
:'''Max''': Good, because... Remember your tea set?
:'''Emmy''': Max?! ''[giggles]''

===''Quibbling Siblings'' [1.18a]===

*'''Zak''': '''NO SLEEP, NO BREAKFAST, NO NOTHING! AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I CANNOT FIND MY MAGNIFYING GLASS!'''
*''[By that saying of Zak, Zak is not going to speak to Wheezie ever again once he gets back his sleep, breakfast, and magnifying glass.]'' 
&lt;hr width=&quot;70%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Wheezie''': I wonder why Zakie is so mad at me.
*'''Emmy''': Well, you made him angry.
*'''Wheezie''': ''[in disbelief]'' '''ARE YOU KIDDING?!''' Name one thing that I could possibly do to make him mad.
*'''Max''': ''[for first reason]'' You kept him up all night with your banging. 
*'''Wheezie''': All right! Name two things that I could have done. 
*'''Emmy''': ''[for second reason]'' You ruined his breakfast.
*'''Max''': ''[also for second reason]'' And you took his magnifying glass. 
*'''Wheezie''': You think that is why Zak is so made at me? 
*''[Zak takes off his alone cone.]''
*'''Zak''': ''[in a sing-songy voice]'' '''♪ I CAN'T HEAR YOU!♪ '''
*''[He gets angry.]'' 
*'''Zak''': '''BUT YES!'''
*''[He puts the cone back on his head and resumes hiding in it.]''

===''Wheezie's Hairball'' [1.18b]===

===''A Tall Tale'' [1.19a]===

===''Stormy Weather'' [1.19b]===
:'''Max''': Super Max Isn't Afraid Of You Know What?
:'''Emmy''': Definitley!

===''Blowin' in the Wind'' [1.20a]===

===''No Hitter'' [1.20b]===
:&quot;'Max&quot;': I Didn't Mean to make Emmy Sick.

===''Do Not Pass Gnome'' [1.21a]===

===''Treasure Hunt'' [1.21b]===

===''The Jumping Bean Express'' [1.22a]===

===''Get Offa My Cloud'' [1.22b]===

===''Backwards to Forwards'' [1.23a]===

===''Sounds Like Trouble'' [1.23b]===

===''The Greatest Show in Dragon Land'' [1.24a]===

===''Prepare According to Instructions'' [1.24b]===

===''Wheezie's Last Laugh'' [1.25a]===
:'''Zak''': ''[to Mr. Pop]'' Mr. Pop? I have a great sound for you! 
:''[Zak takes away Mr. Pop's laugh.]''
:'''Mr. Pop''': Really? A very funny one? 
:''[After Zak and Wheezie stole Mr. Pop's laugh, they replace it with a donkey sound. The donkey sound --which Mr. Pop had stole-- must have came from a donkey. And he --Mr. Pop-- had replaced the donkey bray on the donkey with a different animal sound.]''
:'''Mr. Pop''': ''[Insert donkey brays here]''! '''MY LAUGH!''' ''[Insert donkey brays here]''!
:'''Wheezie''': Now you know how it feels to lose your favorite ''[imitates laugh]''!
:''[The incident makes Mr. Pop feel how Wheezie felt when he took away her laugh. First, he switched the sounds of all the farm animals. He made the cow sound like a frog, the rooster sound like a cow, and the frog sound like a rooster. And now, he took away Wheezie's laugh too. In the meantime, Mr. Pop says...!]'' 
:'''Mr. Pop''': ''[in between donkey brays]'' I sure do! And it feels awful!
:''[After Mr. Pop says this, he resumes donkey brays.]''
:'''Zak''': ''[to Mr. Pop]'' I will give you your laugh back, if you give my sister her laugh back. 
:'''Mr. Pop''': ''[in between donkey brays]'' Okay. You win.

===''Frog Prints'' [1.25b]===

===''Crash Landings'' [1.26a]===

===''The Big Cake Mix-up'' [1.26b]===
:'''Zak''': Wait! Something’s not right. ''[looks over the stuff on the table]'' Hmmm, I know. The bowl is going to be too small, and everything’s gonna spill and make a big mess!
:'''Cassie''': Maybe there’s a bigger bowl in the cupboard.
:'''Zak''': Good idea.
&lt;hr width=&quot;82%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': Perfect! It's time to bake it!
:'''Zak''': Oh, no! We can't!
:'''Max''': Why not?
:'''Zak''': 'Cause we're not allowed to use the oven without Mom... ''[&quot;Mom&quot; is mistakenly heard as &quot;Bob&quot;]''
:'''Wheezie''': I can fix that... '''Mom???''
&lt;hr width=&quot;82%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mom''': ''Max, Emmy!''
:'''Emmy''': Uh-oh.
:'''Max''': What?
:'''Emmy''': I think. There's something we didn't plan too well.
:'''Max''': What?
:'''Mom''': ''Dinnertime!''
:'''Both''': Aw...

===''Quetzal's Magic Pop-Up Book'' [1.27a]===

===''My Way or Snow Way'' [1.27b]===

===''Sand Castle Hassle'' [1.28a]===
:'''Zak''': They're coming!
:'''Ord''': The turtle dragons?
:'''Zak''': No, the waves!

===''True Blue Friend'' [1.28b]===
:'''Max''': Then, follow me to Dragon Land.

===''Zak Takes a Dive'' [1.29a]===
:'''Quetzal''': Ord Por favor leave some water for the lake for the others 
:''[Ord Smiles]'' 
:'''Max''' Come on let's make a big splash like Ord!
:'''Quetzal:''': Don't forget to put on your dragon wings
:'''Max:''': Dragon wings Cool

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[They try to swim but use the wrong arm strokes]''
:'''Wheezie''': Was that better?
:'''Zak''': No! We didn't go anywhere.

===''Under the Weather'' [1.29b]===

===''My Emmy or Bust'' [1.30a]===
:''[Max hears Emmy close the door.]'' 
:'''Max''': Oh, no! Huh? 
:''[Emmy goes into the car --to go shopping at the grocery store with their dad-- unaware of the dragons calling.]''
:'''Max''': '''EMMY...!? YOU GOT TO COME BACK!''' ''[echoes]'' Where did you go?
:''[The car drives away. Mom --Emmy and Max's mother-- comes out of her bedroom. And she asks Max...!]'' 
:'''Mom''': ''[from in the hall --and offscreen]'' Max? Did you call me?
:''[But their mom is unaware that Emmy was going grocery shopping with their dad. And Max was left behind --that is, to go to Dragon Land without Emmy. What is more, Emmy --on the other hand-- is going shopping with their dad. That is, even though she was supposed to go to Dragon Land with Max.]'' 
:'''Max''': ''[calls back]'' No, Mom! 
:''[Mom --Max and Emmy's mother-- leaves, blissfully unaware. Max turns back to himself. And he says...!]'' 
:'''Max''':  The dragons are calling! I just don't want to go without Emmy.  But you have no idea... '''WHAT IF THEY NEED ME!?''' 
:''[Max takes out the dragon scale. And he says the rhyme.]''
:'''Max''': ''[with the dragon scale]'' ''I wish, I wish,'' 
:''with all my heart,'' 
:''To fly with dragons in a land apart.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the end.]''
:'''Emmy''': ''[as she gets back home from the supermarket with their dad]'' You should have come, Max! Dad gave me a quarter so I could ride on the big blue dinosaur which was in front of the store. 
:'''Max''': That is nothing. Because I went to Dragon Land by myself. ''[he tells Emmy about his adventure without her]'' I was captain of a submarine. And I was searching for a missing sea dragon. 
:'''Emmy''': Oh, Max! Am I glad to see you!
:''[Emmy talks to Max about the dinosaur at the supermarket. Their dad had given Emmy a quarter and Emmy she got to ride the dinosaur in front of the supermarket.]'' 
:'''Emmy''': Just because I got to ride the dinosaur (at the supermarket), you do not need to make up a story.

===''Light My Firebreath'' [1.30b]===
:'''Emmy''': Ready.
:'''Max''': Here goes.
:''[bubbling]'' 
:'''Emmy''': Let me try. ''[blows]'' 
:'''Max''': Blow harder.
:'''Emmy''': Ew. ''[laughs]'' Okay, enough volcanoes. Let's go to Dragon Land.
:'''Max''': Good idea.
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.

===''Follow the Leader'' [1.31a]===

===''Max and the Magic Carpet'' [1.31b]===

===''Rope Trick'' [1.32a]===

===''Baby Troubles'' [1.32b]===

===''Small Time'' [1.33a]===
:'''Ord''': That's weird. You wouldn't think they'd only send her backpack. ''[holds up Emmy's backpack]''
:'''Zak''': Huh? How come Emmy's backpack is here?
:'''Wheezie''': And Emmy isn't?
:'''Cassie''': Where'd you find that, Ord?
:'''Ord''': Right beside these flowers.
:'''Cassie''': Careful, Ord, those are shrinking violets. When they bloom, they shrink anything they touch!
:'''Ord''': ''[pulling his finger away]'' Oh!
:'''Wheezie''': Hey, what's this? ''[picks up the shrunken kickball]'' I found a marble that looks like a dragon ball.
:'''Cassie''': Say, that looks just like Emmy's kickball. It must've shrunk. ''[gasps]'' What if Max and Emmy touched the Shrinking Violets?
:'''Zak''': Well, then they'd shrink down to teeny, tiny... Oh, No! They shrunk!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': Monster caterpoozle! 
:'''Emmy''': It's just a regular caterpoozle.
:'''Max''': We're tiny!

===''Roller Coaster Dragon'' [1.33b]===
:'''Wheezie''': I want to ride the roller coaster dragon so bad I can taste it!
:'''Ord''': Really? What does it taste like?
:'''Cassie''': Ha ha ha! It's just an expression, Ord!
:'''Ord''': Oh. What's an expression taste like?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': Hurry up! We have to get our snacks and get back in line before the roller coaster comes back! 
:'''Server Dragon''': Do I look an octopus, kid? I only have six arms!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mom''': ''Max! Emmy! I'm going to the store to get dinner and ice cream. Be back in 15 minutes!''
:'''Kids''': Ice cream!?!
:'''Max''': Only 15 minutes? I can wait that long, easy!
:'''Emmy''': Me, too. Let's draw.
:''[They sit down and draw pictures]''
:'''Max''': I drew a circle. Your turn.
:'''Emmy''': ''There's a triangle.''
:''[Suddenly they realize what they drew]''
:'''Max''': Oh, no! It looks like an ice cream cone!
:'''Kids''': MOM!
:''[They realize they have to wait as the view goes black]''

===''Up, Up and Away'' [1.34a]===
:'''All''': Good. Whoa! ''[all screaming]'' 

===''Wild Time'' [1.34b]===

===''Bad Share Day'' [1.35a]===
:''[Emmy finds a keyboard in the playroom and starts playing a song on it. She sings [[w:Three Blind Mice|Three Blind Mice]]. That is, as she sings...!]'' 
:'''Emmy''': ''[singing while playing her toy keyboard]'' ''Three blind mice, three blind mice,'' 
:''See how they run, see how they run.''
:'''Max''': ''[giggles]'' That's funny! 
:''[Next Emmy tries another song. It is called [[w:Baa Baa Black Sheep|Baa Baa Black Sheep]]. That is, as she sings...!]'' 
:'''Emmy''': ''[singing while playing her toy keyboard again]'' ''Baa, baa, black sheep,'' 
:''Have you any wool?''
:''[Max wants to play the keyboard too. So he says...!]''
:'''Max''': Let me try.
:''[Emmy refuses to let Max have a turn. And she says...!]'' 
:'''Emmy''': ''[angrily]'' '''NAH-UH! I AM PLAYING WITH IT! (I HAD IT FIRST!)'''
:''[Max tries to tell their mom. That is, about Emmy not sharing the keyboard. So he says...!]''
:'''Max''': ''[to Mom]'' '''MOM?! EMMY IS NOT SHARING THE KEYBOARD (AGAIN)!'''
:'''Mom''': ''[from outside the playroom --and to Max]'' ''Try to find something else until it's your turn, Max.''
:''[Max --who quickly buries the hatchet-- completely forgets about the keyboard and then, regards to Dragon Land.]''
:'''Max''': Maybe Ord has something cool to share with me. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cassie''': If I don't take my crayon back now, it'll be too late! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emmy''': You can use it.
:'''Max''': I didn't want to use, Emmy. I only wait it to share it. Can't we play it together?

===''Whole Lotta Maracas Goin' On'' [1.35b]===
:'''Emmy''': ''Wake up, sleepyhead.''
:'''Max''': ''[yawns]'' I'm tired.

===''Ord Sees the Light'' [1.36a]===

===''The Ugly Dragling'' [1.36b]===

===''Out with the Garbage'' [1.37a]===

===''Lights, Camera, Dragons'' [1.37b]===
:'''Wheezie''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!''' What's that?
:'''Emmy''': It's my dad's video camera. I'm taping you right now!
:'''Wheezie''': Ooh! I just love being in videos, they're so... ''[makes faces at the camera and laughs]''
:'''Zak''': ''[scolding hers]'' Wheezie! We you're making us look silly! ''[approaching the camera]'' '''HI, MOM! HI DAD! IT'S ME, ZAK!'''  ''[&quot;Mom&quot; is mistakenly heard as &quot;Bob&quot;]''
:''[When suddenly Ord appears worried covering Zak and Wheezie and looking for Cheddar, his mouse]''
:'''Ord''': Hey! Did you two see Cheddar?
:'''Zak''': ''[pushing it]'' Who cares about cheese, Ord? You're interrumpting my scene! ''[he and Wheezie make funny faces at the camera]''
:'''Ord''': I'm not talking about cheese... I'm looking from my dragon mouse, Cheddar. He ran into that knucker hole.
:'''Wheezie''': So that's who scared Zak.
:'''Zak''': He zipped right under out feet! Nearly tripped me.
&lt;hr width=&quot;70%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': Cheddar!
:'''Quetzal''': ''No...'' It's tuna fish.
:'''Wheezie''': ''[laugh]'' No, no, no, Cheddar's the name of the mouse!
:'''Zak''': He's Ord pet, but he run away.
:''[Cheddar runs away with Quetzal's sandwich and Emmy records the scene]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;70%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Quetzal''': ''Jamón''.
:'''Max''': Ham!
:'''Quetzal''': ''Tomate''.
:'''Max''': Tomato!
:'''Quetzal''': ''Mostaza''.
:'''Max''': Mustard! ''[laughs]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;70%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': More cheese!
:'''Ord''': I like olives!
:'''Zak''': No ''jalapeños'', please.
&lt;hr width=&quot;70%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': ''[while Emmy is recording]'' I'm captain submarine of the sandwich patrol, and you're toast! ''[showing Cheddar]''
:''[Quetzal, Ord, Cassie, Zak and Wheezie gasp surprised and then Emmy and Max laugh.]''

===''Bully for You'' [1.38a]===

===''The Great White Cloud Whale'' [1.38b]===
:'''Captain Scallywag: Arrgh! Ooh, we've lost him. Ohh, I'll never see me ship again...
:'''Emmy''': Don't give up, Captain Scallywag.
:'''Cassie''': Yeah! Maybe we can help you think of another way to catch the Cloud Whale.
:'''Wheezie''': Oh!... oh!... oh!... I bet he'd come if he heard a nice whale song...
:'''Zak''': We don't know any whale songs. Do we?
:'''Wheezie''': Sure we do! ♪ Oh, where, oh, where has my big cloud whale gone?... ♪
:'''Zak''': ''[scolding hers]'' That's a dog song!
:'''Wheezie''': Not anymore... ♪ Oh, where, oh, where can he be? With his ears cut short... ♪
:'''Zak''': ''[scolding hers]''  Whales don't have any ears!
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ And his tail cut long, oh, please, come back to Wheezie. ♪ ''[she laughs while Zak gets angry]''
:'''Max''': Nice song! Too bad it didn't work...

===''To Do or Not to Do'' [1.39a]===
:'''Zak''': Please don't tell me we're really in the stomach of a giant Dragonocerous! 
:'''Glimmer''': Honey, you're really in the stomach of a giant Dragonocerous.
:'''Zak''': I told you not to tell me that!

===''Much Ado About Nodlings'' [1.39b]===

:''[In the grass, the little Nodlings are all arguing, shouting, fighting and yelling furiously in fury and they started kicking and punching over the broken wagon.]''
:'''Max''': Have you ever had a fight what are they saying?
:'''Wheezie''': They are have all argued!
:''[It is true --true to what Wheezie says. The nodlings are really furious fist, This Challenge Erupted Into A Violence Argument Of Fury, Angry, Mad.]'' 
:'''Zak''': Because you’ve never seen a fight this broken wagon! 
:'''Cassie''': And now they don’t have anything to carry their mush trees in!
:'''Max''': What’s a mush tree?
:'''Ord''': It’s like a war mushroom! Only it’s a war tree. Well, THAT'S a war dragons like us, but to the little Nodlings, these are really huge. And they cut them down, eat their fruit, and chop them up into firewood to keep themselves warm in the winter. But without their wagon, the Nodlings start arguing very angry without anything to carry their mush trees home. And then they would be cold and even worse, heartbreaking! 
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [Offscreen, Growls Loudly And Then He Violently Fires A Gun To stop an argument, outraged evilly] '''SILENCE!!!!!!!!'''
:'''Ord''': ''[frightened]'' It’s the Giant of Nod! 
:''[The Giant of Nod --furiously-- makes his way through the grass right up to the dragons. He eventually makes it to the pathway. And --almost that quickly-- he furiously storms to the entrance to the nodlings's house where he and the little nodlings stop from fighting.]''
:'''Wheezie''': Huh, I still can’t believe that giant was being so mean, nasty, rude and bossy!
:''[Wheezie growls angrily, realizing too late he's been exposed.]'' 
:'''Zak''': [sternly] You don't scare me. You deliberately disobeyed!
:''[The Giant of Nod -- Suddenly Snaps And He Launches Out A Megaphone Very Angry.]'' 
:'''The Giant of Nod''': ''[Thunders Angrily From Echoes In His Speaker Into An Rage Outburst To the Little Nodling Military] '''YOU WILL GONNA BE THE NODLING SOLDIERS, I AM THE GIGANTIC BOSSY KING SERGEANT, YOUR HEIRS!!!!!'''
:''[The little nodlings salutes their leader --the Giant of Nod-- the wagon that Max broke. The Giant of Nod turns to the little nodlings. And when they --the little nodlings-- snarl and snap at the Giant of Nod what about happened to their wagon --and about a child boy breaking it-- they are very angry. That is, and so is the Giant of Nod. After the nodlings --angrily-- tell their leader the Giant of Nod, the Giant of Nod commands, with orders to march towards this. He --the Giant of Nod-- gets marching orders the little nodlings said to him. And he shakes his fist in rages out of series bossiness to Max, Emmy, and the dragon group, then he angrily screams into his megaphone which get more tense by flinches lividly the old wagon.]''
:'''The Giant of Nod''': ''[losing control of his rage and yelling from echoes in his speaker, violently stomps on the broken wagon]'' '''YOU WILL JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ALL OF THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEIRS IN FIRED!!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!?!'''
:'''All''': [in unison, furious loudly] '''SIR, YES, SIR, KING SERGEANT!!!!''' ''[The Giant of Nod --when he angrily screams &quot;'''DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!?!'''&quot;-- he commands an barking order. After commanding an barking order, everyone --Emmy, Ord, Cassie, and Zak and Wheezie-- in response to him --the Giant of Nod-- look at Max. And they angrily arguing, shouting, fighting and yelling furiously and they started kicking and punching each other.]'' 
:'''Max''': ''[While Emmy, Ord, Cassie, and Zak and Wheezie arguing, shouting, fighting and yelling furiously and they started kicking and punching each other, then he irritating turns to the Giant of Nod threateningly enraged]'' '''NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!''' You are out of order, you jerk!!! You just a show-off and boast, I did because sometimes I'm too bossy!! 
:''[The Giant of Nod angrily turns to Max.]'' 
:'''The Giant of Nod''': ''[from echoes in his speaker --and to Max]'' '''I'M THE BOSSY KING SERGEANT!!! I WILL BOTH YOU AND THEN DWEEB IS STUPID ONE DAY, YOUR GOING TO COMMAND YOU TO GUILTY, I SAY, GUILTY!!! GUILTY, GUILTY!!!! I'LL SMASH YOUR WAGON!!! HEAR ME!?!?'''
:''[By the saying of the Giant of Nod, he --even though Max is difficult being angry king when the giant of nod boss everyone into doing frivolous things at the wrong time he was-- says Max from fighting it deliberately. And he demands that Max losing control of his outrage without his little nodlings's wagon immediately.]'' 
:'''Max''': [mad] '''THAT'S IT!!''' Do this, do that! You're just too bossy to break it. It was way too bossy would never do what you did! Never! So you '''LEAVE ME ALONE!!!'''
:'''The Giant of Nod''': ''[becoming enraged from echoes in his speaker --and to Max]'' '''QUIET!!! I WILL DESTROY YOU GUYS!!! I’m never let you again! Never, Never, NEVER letting mention that name in my presence, You are one with the order of the Sith Lords. Henceforth, you shall be known as Young Sergeant without hear of you going to FIGHT WITH NO NODLINGS TO CARRY OUR MUSH TREES!!!!!!!!!'''
:'''Max''': [yelling loudly ticked off] '''I'M GOING TO BE THE KILLER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?! YOU, ARE, FIRED!!!'''
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [angry] '''I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!''' 
:'''Max''': [thunders angrily] '''YOU ARE FIRED!!!'''
:'''The Giant Of Nod''': [angrily frustration] '''I'D HATE YOU!!!!!'''
:'''Max''': [losing control of his outrage, angrily yells] '''I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!!!!!!!!'''
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [loud frustration] '''SHUT UP, JERK!!!'''
:'''Max''': [angry roars] '''I WISH I WILL NEVER BEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' 
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [frustration lividly] '''THAT'S IT!! GET THE SARGENT OUT IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!! I'LL SMASH YOUR BROKEN WAGON!!!!!!!
:''[So the Giant of Nod is very angry without it; Because he angrily growls, furiously commands the little nodlings having no place to carry their mush trees. That is, as he storms off in anger and says --in unison, enraged echoes on the megaphone-- &quot;'''HE ADMITS MY NODLINGS WITH NO PLACE TO EXPLODE OUR MUSH TREES!!! I'D HATE YOU!!!!!'''&quot;. So he barked orders Max to go away without fix his little nodlings's wagon.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At dragon's military school, Sergeant Max commands the nodlings the &quot;wagon section&quot; of his bulldozer so they can carry their mush trees. That is, to replace the broken wagon.]'' 
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [It sure is becoming angry] Recruits, you've lost your temper, so you become a loser!! We're doomed who’s being such a bully!! It's your fault because you were going our separate ways forever. So, this is… This is your dumb the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous straight to stomp your guts out! Do you deny it, Max!?!
:'''Max''': [salutes] '''Sir, WRONG, sir!! WRONG, sir!!!'''
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [sighs then smiles to apologizes about being difficult being still wrecked them and the king, even though it was on purpose and boss everyone into doing frivolous things at the wrong time.] Oh, Good. Well Done, Max. Thank You. Now You're Not A Sergeant. You're good, kid. Outstanding! As long as I'm around you're second best. I'm sorry I was barking order at you. It's just take some time cut down more masteries than ever, but together, we will build my nodlings will be able to our army. I'll show them.
:'''Max''': I'm sorry I was so cross. 
:'''The Giant of Nod''': I know you don't like argument because sometimes I'm too bossy.
:'''Max''': I'm sorry I yelled at you, Mr. Nod.
:'''The Giant of Nod''': [forgives him and accepts his apology, comforting] Me too.

===''Don't Bug Me!'' [1.40a]===
:'''Emmy''': ''[finding Max in the playroom]'' Max? ''[Notices a rubber spider and shrieks]''
:'''Max''': Scared ya!

===''Over and Over'' [1.40b]===

==Season 2 (2001-2002)==
===''Lucky Stone'' [2.01a]===
:'''Max''': Pilot to co-pilot. Ready for take off.
:'''Emmy''': Ready, Captain Max. 

( ''grunting'' )

( ''laughing'' )

:'''Emmy''': Good flying. Now, it's my turn.
:'''Max''': I know where we could fly next.
:'''Emmy''': Definitely.
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish with all my heart to fly with dragons in a land apart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': Hello! Anybody there?
:'''Emmy''': Zak? Wheezie? Cassie?
:'''Max''': Ord? Where is everybody? Wait. Watch me skip this rock. 2 times!
:'''Emmy''': Cool. Let me try. Oh, well.
:'''Max''': Whoa! Look at this.
:'''Emmy''': It's shaped like a heart.
:'''Max''': Watch it jump. Ta-da!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': Aw, it was ''nothing''. ( ''no audio'' )

( ''whistle blows'' )

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time.
:'''Max''': Watch me fly!
:'''Emmy''': Max, what are you doing?
:'''Max''': 3 loop-de-loops, 4 aerial zig-zags, and a round-spring-back-hand-off!

===''The Mefirst Wizard'' [2.01b]===

===''Cassie Catches Up'' [2.02a]===
:'''Cassie''': ''[sighs]'' I feel so bad I let Emmy down.

:''[first lines]''
:'''Emmy''': [making shadow puppets] See? This one's a dog and this one's a rabbit. Can you guess what this one is?
:'''Max''': Um, a bat?
:'''Emmy''': Right! And he's coming to get you...

:''[last lines]''
:'''Max''': We could have a jumping contest and a spinning with your eyes shut contest.
:'''Mom''': Max! Emmy! Time for lunch!
:'''Emmy''': How about a contest to see who can eat the most spaghetti?
:'''Max''': I'd win that!
:'''Emmy''': Not if I get the spaghetti first!
:'''Max''': Heh heh, wait up!

===''Very Berry'' [2.02b]===
:''[first lines]''
:'''Max''': Hey, look, Emmy. I have a banana nose.
:'''Emmy''': Hold on. I've almost finished my book. Are you done with your puzzle yet?

:''[last lines]''
:'''Max and Emmy''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time.
:'''Emmy''': Hey, look out the window! It's started to rain. And you know what that means.
:'''Max''': Lots and lots of mud puddles!
:'''Emmy''': Wait for me!

:'''Ord''': Ohh... ''[his stomach starts making very loud noises]'' I've ate so many berries before... Should I... or shouldn't I? Well, maybe just a little bite.

:'''Max''': My Daddy once read me a story where a bear who got stuck in a hole. 'Cause he too much honey.
:'''Zak''': Really? How did he get out?
:'''Max''': He stayed there until he got thin again, then he popped out!

===''Finders Keepers'' [2.03a]===

===''Remember the Pillow Fort'' [2.03b]===
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ The wind blows a breezy through Wheezie's treezies... ♪
:'''Zak''': ''[annoying]'' Ohhhhhh... If I hear another song about the wind blowing through something like... Ohhhhhh...
:'''Wheezie''': ''[repentant]'' Oh... You right, you right.
:'''Max''': Hi, Zak and Wheezie, what's wrong?
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, hi, Max. We're supposed to bring a new song to our music lesson tomorrow and it's supposed to be about feelings, but we can't think of anything good.
:'''Zak''': And we've been trying for days!
:'''Wheezie''': Oh!... oh!... oh!... How about...? ♪ Ord is tall and Max is short, they both built a pillow fort... ♪
:'''Zak''': ''[scolding hers]'' Wheezie, feelings, like happy and sad!
:'''Wheezie''': I know, I know...
:'''Ord''': '''MAX, I CAN'T FIND ANYMORE PURPLE PILLOWS, I THINK YOU USED THEM ALL UP!'''
:'''Max''': That's because I'm making a purple fort and you're making a red fort, Ord.
:'''Ord''': But I wanted to make a tunnel just like yours!
:'''Max''': '''BUT YOU CAN'T, PURPLE'S MY COLOR AND RED IS YOURS!'''
:'''Ord''': '''FINE!''' I've never like purple anyway.
:'''Max''': '''WHAT'S WRONG WITH PURPLE?! PURPLE'S BETTER THAN RED!'''
:'''Ord''': '''NUH-UH! RED IS BETTER THAN PURPLE!'''
:'''Max''': '''IS NOT!'''
:'''Ord''': '''IS TOO!'''
:''[is repeated]''
:'''Zak''': Oh! Now this is good!
:'''Wheezie''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!'''
:'''Zak''': ♪ Is not! ♪
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Is too... ♪
:'''Zak''': ♪ Is not! ♪
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Is too... ♪
:'''Zak''': ♪ I'm mad! ♪
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Mad at you. ♪
:'''Max''': '''PURPLE'S GOOD!'''
:'''Ord''': '''RED IS BETTER!'''
:'''Emmy''': What are you yelling about?
:'''Ord''': '''MAX AND I ARE HAVING A FIGHT!'''
:'''Cassie''': What about?
:'''Max''': '''ORD THINKS IS RED FORT IS BETTER THAN MY PURPLE FORT!'''
:'''Ord''': '''MAX THINKS IS PURPLE FORT IS BETTER THAN MY RED FORT!'''
:'''Emmy''': Why fight? Both of your forts are nice.
:'''Cassie''': Yeah! They look great!
:'''Max''': But don't you think purple's great, Cassie?
:'''Ord''': But red is nice is too, Emmy, just like apples! I know you like apples!
:'''Emmy''': Well, red is pretty nice. Just look at it, Cassie...
:'''Cassie''': But that purple is the same color as grapes. I love grapes.
:'''Emmy''': '''YOU'RE WRONG! PURPLE ISN'T BETTER THAN RED!'''
:'''Cassie''': '''I'M NOT WRONG!'''
:''[They both regret their fight]''
:'''Cassie''': Wait! Why are we fighting?
:'''Emmy''': Ah... Let's go back and play hospital. ''[both withdraw]''
:'''Zak''': Oooooh! Let's put that in!
:'''Wheezie''': Okie-dokie!
:'''Max''': Come back!
:'''Ord''': '''YEAH! YOU NEVER TOLD US WHICH ONE YOU LIKED BEST!''' Ooooohhhhh... Max... This isn't any fun... I don't want to fight with you.
:'''Max''': Me either.
:'''Ord''': Really? Then you think red is better too?
:'''Max''': '''NO WAY!''' Purple's better...
:'''Both''': ''[sad]'' Awwwwwwwww...
:'''Ord''': How are we gonna stop fighting, Max?
:'''Max''': I don't know.
:''[Zak and Wheezie they return happy with an good new]''
:'''Zak''': We finally have our song! And it's full of feelings thanks to you two, listen!
:'''Wheezie''': We used to have fun all day!
:'''Zak''': We were happy and we played!
:'''Wheezie''': ''[as both they get angry]'' Now we're sad and we fight...
:'''Zak''': From the morning till the night...!
:''[They repeat all the above]''
:'''Wheezie''': '''THANKS, ORD! THANKS, MAX!'''
:''[Both withdraw very happy]''
:'''Max''': Zak and Wheezie are right, Ord, we used to have fun all day! We used to slide down the biggest mountains.
:'''Ord''': It was cold that day!
:'''Max''': And make music that everyone could dance to.
:'''Ord''': And we cooked yummy things in the kitchen. And played hide and snow seek till it was practically dark!
:'''Max''': Didn't we have a great time? And we'd fly everywhere on our magic carpet.
:'''Ord''': That was fun!
:'''Max''': And grab on the clouds that pull us way up into the sky!
:'''Ord''': And we made sandcastles and sandbombs... and sandwiches...
:'''Max''': ''[laughs]'' And you taught me how to swing on the jungle gym.
:'''Ord''': And you helped me learn to ride a bike. '''AND I WAS SO SURPRISED ON MY BIRTHDAY...!'''
:'''Max''': Ord, I want to be friends again, but I still like purple.
:'''Ord''': And I still like red...
:'''Max''': Come on, I know a way we can both get what we want.
:''[They both build a new fort with the red and purple pillows together and Cassie and Emmy peek out from behind a bush.]''
:'''Emmy''': What?
:''[Max and Ord finish setting up the fort and Emmy waves to them]''
:'''Max''': Come on down, you guys, come play in our new fort!
:'''Ord''': It's got lots of tunnels...
:'''Emmy''': But how did you two stop fighting so fast?
:'''Ord''': We used both our favorite colors and we made a really great fort. '''HURRY UP!'''
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': '''WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!''' ''[laughs]''

===''Big Funky Cloud'' [2.04a]===
:'''Emmy''': Yippee! We did it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': Look out!
:'''All''': Watch out!
:'''Ord''': Whoa!

===''Copy Cat'' [2.04b]===
:'''Kids''':  ( ''in unison'' ) I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme to go home, until next time.
:'''Mom''': ( ''shouts in the house at once'' ) ''Max! Emmy! I just got back time the market. Does anyone want the juice pop?''
:'''Kids''': ( ''in unison'' ) I do! 

( ''both laughing'' )

===''One Big Wish'' [2.05a]===
:'''Emmy''': '''MAX, YOU JUST GREW AGAIN!'''
:'''Ord''': '''YOU'RE AS BIG AS MUNGUS THE GIANT, AND THAT'S REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BIG!'''
:'''Max''': Better put these away, Wheezie, I don’t want to accidentally...
:''[Max grabs the bats but ends up crushing them to pieces]''
:'''Max''': ...break them.
:'''Wheezie''': ''[very annoyed]'' '''HEY! BIG GUY!'''
:'''Zak''': ''[also annoyed]'' '''NICE GOING, MAX...!'''

===''Breaking Up is Hard to Do'' [2.05b]===
:'''Wheezie''': '''STOOOOOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIIIT...!''' I just hate when you guys, especially over this... ''what do you call it.''
:'''Zak''': Yeah! Plus all this noise is giving me a headache!
:'''Emmy''': I think I how to settle this.
:'''Max''': Okay...
:'''Ord''': How, Emmy?
:'''Emmy''': We'll play ''&quot;eeny, meeny, miny, moe&quot;''.
:'''Ord''': What's that? It sounds scary!
:'''Emmy''': ''[laugh]'' Don't worry, Ord, it won't be scary, I'll see a rhyme and with each word i'll point to one of you and then the other. Whoever I'm pointing to when the rhyme ends, gets to take the piece home first.
:'''Max''': Well, okay...
:'''Ord''': I guess so...
:'''Emmy''': Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, catch a dragon by the toe, if he hollers let him go, eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
:''[Max tries to put himself in Ord's place]''
:'''Emmy''': ''[angry]'' '''MAX!'''
:'''Ord''': '''HOORAY, I'M WIN!'''
:'''Max''': Fine...
:'''Ord''': I'm going to show my mummy right away.

===''A New Friend'' [2.06a]===

===''Have No Fear'' [2.06b]===
:'''Max''': Too broken, too bouncy, too big.

===''Cassie the Green-Eyed Dragon'' [2.07a]===

===''Something's Missing'' [2.07b]===

===''A Crown for Princess Kidoodle'' [2.08a]===
:'''Emmy''': I'm so full. I don't think I'll be able to eat again for three days.
:'''Mom''': Emmy! Max! Dinner!
:''[kids giggle]''

===''Three's a Crowd'' [2.08b]===

===''Knuck Knuck, Who's Where?'' [2.09a]===
:'''Cassie''': ''Uh-oh. Which way?''
:'''Max''': ''[distant]'' ''Emmy. Where are you, Emmy?''
:'''Zak''': ''Where are you?''
:'''Max''': ''Cassie.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cassie''': There we're so many different ways to go. So, we mark the paths and we ask for directions, too.

===''Just Desserts'' [2.09b]===
:''[Mungus is sobbing]'' 
:'''Zak''': Look, it's Mungus.

===''Dragonberry Drought'' [2.10a]===

===''A Snowman for All Seasons'' [2.10b]===
:'''Mom''': ''Emmy, Max, I think you have spent enough time inside today. Why don't you go outside and some fresh air? You can play in the snow.''

===''I Believe in Me'' [2.11a]===
:'''Cassie''': ''[gasps]'' Emmy, Max.

===''Bye Bye Baby Birdie'' [2.11b]===

===''Back to the Storybook'' [2.12a]===
:'''Emmy''': Come on, Max. Today's the day Cassie bringing Kiki and Finn to the School in the Sky.
:'''Max''': I'm ready. I was waiting for you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cassie''': Kiki, Finn, you must be quiet! I'm sorry, Quetzal. Stop!
:'''Bryce''': No! Cassie! Let's get out of here!
:'''Cassie''': I think, they're tired of play with the toys.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Emmy wants to know what the sad face --on Goldilocks-- is for. That is, as she --Emmy--  asks Goldilocks...!]''
:'''Emmy''': ''[to Goldilocks]'' What is the matter, Goldilocks? 
:'''Goldilocks''': ''[before crying]'' I bumped into the dining room table. And I spilled all the porridge! 
:''[Goldilocks cries --after the accident she just made with the porridge.]''
:'''Goldilocks''': ''[crying]'' '''BOO HOO!'''
:''[Max, he says to Goldilocks...!]'' 
:'''Max''': All three bowls? 
:''[And Goldilocks says...!]'' 
:'''Goldilocks''': ''[in between tears]'' Yes. I cleaned up the mess. 
:''[After she --Goldilocks-- says this, she shows the group one of the porridge bowls. Then she says to Max and the rest of the gang...!]''
:'''Goldilocks''': ''[in between tears]'' But now there is no porridge left to eat! 
:''[Goldilocks resumes crying.]''

===''Dragon Scouts'' [2.12b]===

===''The Serpent's Trail'' [2.13a]===
:'''Norm''': That’s for me to know and for you to figure out. ''[laughs]'' By solving this puzzle. So far today, I’ve seen six different faces, including yours. So have I seen Cyrus or not?
:'''Wheezie''': Can you say it again?
:'''Norm''': Sure. So far today, I’ve seen six different faces, including yours. ''[laugh]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;85%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': So that's why Cyrus took your detective kit, Emmy...
:'''Ord''': To help him find the girls eggs!
:'''Emmy''': Of course! My magnifying glass would help them spot the tiny little holes where the eggs are hidden.
:'''Max''': We have to find Cyrus.
:'''Ord''': We have to stop him!
:'''Wheezie''': We have to save of itty-bitty eggs!
:'''Max''': ''[listen to Cyrus]'' There he is...!
:''[The gang runs to catch it]''
:'''Cyrus''': Come on, my dear little eggies... I know you're around here somewhere... Ah-ha! ''[dig in the sand]'' My treasure... Eggs, eggs and more eggs...!
:''[The gang finally catches him]''
:'''Cyrus''': Oh, oh...
:'''Emmy''': That's '''MY''' detective kit, Cyrus...
:'''Cyrus''': You're right, sorry, I never should have taken it without asking you... Here. ''[he gives her back the detective kit and starts taking the eggs]''
:'''Cassie''': Those aren't your eggs either, Cyrus!
:'''Cyrus''': But... but-but-but...!
:'''Everyone''': ''[in chorus]'' '''CYRUS!'''
:'''Cyrus''': Oh, alright. ''[puts the eggs down]'' Can't I have just one itty-bitty egg...?
:'''Everyone''': ''[in chorus]'' '''NO!'''
:'''Cyrus''': '''JUM!''' Fool... ''[leaves feeling angry and muttering to himself under his breath]''

===''Head Over Heels'' [2.13b]===
:'''Max''': Emmy, remember, it's &quot;ready, hand-hand, foot-foot.&quot; Not, &quot;hand-hand, foot-bottom.&quot;

===''Sticky Situation'' [2.14a]===

===''Green Thumbs'' [2.14b]===

===''Teasing is Not Pleasing'' [2.15a]===

===''Team Work'' [2.15b]===
:'''Ord''': Max! Emmy! Know any jokes? ''[hugging them]''
:'''Max''': Why? 
:''[Ord tickles Emmy and Max and they both laugh]''
:'''Ord''': Because the giggle flowers are in bloom!
:'''Wheezie''': I looooove giggle flowers, they're so... giggly! ''[laugh]''
:'''Cassie''': They'll laugh at anybody's jokes, even mine.
:'''Zak''': Wanna pick some?
:'''Emmy''': Definitely.
&lt;hr width=&quot;45%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': If I had giggle flowers seeds, I'd plant them all over the place.
:'''Ord''': That wouldn't work, giggle flowers only grow in hard to find places, because they're shy.
:'''Wheezie''': I know how to find them...
:'''Emmy''': How?
:'''Wheezie''': I'll show you. Who has a knock-knock joke?
:'''Max''': Hum... Knock, knock...
:'''Wheezie''': Who's there?
:'''Max''': Cargo.
:'''Wheezie''': Cargo who?
:'''Max''': Cargo beat, beat!
:''[Wheezie laugh, listening the laughing flowers and Zak covers her snout]''
:'''Wheezie''': I think are you one! ''[laugh]''
:'''Zak''': How could you be sure what you're talking all the time? Shhhhhhhhhh!
:''[They both go over to look inside the bush, they open it and find a stinkydink.]''
:'''Both''': ''[in chorus]'' '''A STINKYDINK!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;45%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': '''GROSS! STICKY YUCKY SPIDER THREADS!'''
:'''Wheezie''': '''YOU MADE ME RUN INTO A SPIDER WEB!'''
:'''Zak''': '''ME?! YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOOKING WHERE WE WERE GOING!'''
:''[They both see their badges moving away]''
:'''Wheezie''': '''OUR BADGES!''' ''[worried]'' They're gone. Oh, Zak... If we don't stop arguing our badges just won't shine and we'll never get them back.
:'''Zak''': You're right.
:'''Wheezie''': On a count of three, both of us will grab the top of the spider web and pull it! Ready? One, two...
:'''Zak''': Wait! Wait. Is it ''&quot;one, two, hold on three&quot;'' or ''&quot;one, two, three&quot;'', pull!
:'''Wheezie''': No, Zak... It's ''&quot;one, two, three, then pull.&quot;'' Okay? Here we go. 
:''[They both hold the spider web]'' 
:'''Wheezie''': One, two, three, pull!
&lt;hr width=&quot;45%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': ''[hugging to Zak and Wheezie]'' Oh, thank goodness we found you...!
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': '''OH, ORD! YOU'RE SQUISHING! LITTLE LESS GLAD WOULD BE GOOD! OH, NOW! OOH! OW!'''

===''On Thin Ice'' [2.16a]===
:'''Emmy''': Hurry, Max. I'm ready.
:'''Max''': Found them. I wonder why Quetzal asked us to bring our ice skates today.
:'''Emmy''': There's only one way to find out.
:'''Kids''': I wish,  I wish with all my heart to fly to dragons in a land apart.

:'''Kids''':

===''The Shape of Things to Come'' [2.16b]===
:''[For the circle key to Crystal the Door, Max sees a green lizard round orange spots. The lizard, he appears smiling. And the lizard, his spots are indeed shaped like a circle. The lizard smiles in a friendly smile. Then Max talks to the lizard.]''
:'''Max''': ''[to the lizard]'' Excuse me, Mr. Lizard? Can we maybe borrow one of your spots? We promise to bring it right back.
:'''Mr. Lizard''': ''[laughs mockingly]'' '''HA!''' 
:''[Then he gets into a bullying tone. And --after Max asks him if he can borrow one of his spots because they are a circle-- he says to Max...!]''
:'''Mr. Lizard''': ''[continues --and in between laughs]'' '''OH SURE! AFTER YOU LET ME BORROW YOUR NOSE!''' 
:''[The lizard laughs mockingly, resumes laughing, and walks away. That is, after he says to Max that he --Max-- can borrow one of his spots as soon as he --Max-- lets him borrow his nose. Max --in response to the lizard-- pinches his nose and tries to keep the lizard from borrowing it. That is, since he does not want to fall for the lizard's joke.]''

===''Hide and Can't Seek'' [2.17a]===

===''The Art of Patience'' [2.17b]===

===''So Long Solo'' [2.18a]===

===''Hands Together'' [2.18b]===
:'''Dragons''': Happy Dragontines Day! ''[hug them]''
:'''Emmy''': And look what we brought! Dragontines for everybody!
:'''Cassie''': We have cards for you too!
:''[They all cheer and hand out the Dragontines as Quetzal comes over]''
:'''Quetzal''': Hola, Max and Emmy. Will you be joining us for the Happy Hearts recital this morning?
:'''Ord''': It's a show that we put on for everyone we love every Dragontines Day. We sing songs and do dances. It'’s really fun, and...
:'''Wheezie''': And we'd loooove it if you two would boogie down with us!
:'''Emmy''': Definitely!
:'''Quetzal''': I'll see you onstage, then. Adiós, niños. ''[leaves]''
:'''Wheezie''': Listen up, everybody, Zaky and I have a terrific idea! We want to sing a song that Quetzal taught us!
:'''Zak''': There's a dance that goes with the song. And we can teach you how to do it.
:'''Ord''': My mommy's gonna love that.
:''[Changes to the playground where they gather to rehearse.]''
:'''Wheezie''': Okey-dokey, artichokies! The song is called ''&quot;Los Pollitos&quot;''.
:'''Emmy''': I know that song! My Tía Carmen taught it to me when I was little. ''&quot;Los Pollitos&quot;'' means &quot;little chicks.&quot;
:'''Wheezie''': Right you are! And the little chicks are all cold and hungry. Brr!
:'''Emmy''': But their mom finds some food and a warm blanket for them.
:'''Wheezie''': Did your Tía teach you the dance too?
:'''Emmy''': She sure did.
:'''Zak''': Perfect! So why don't we show everyone how it goes?
:'''Wheezie''': A-one... A-two and a-one, two, three!
:''[Emmy, Zak and Wheezie perform the &quot;Los Pollitos&quot; dance]''
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen &quot;Pio, pio, pio. Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio.&quot; Bajo sus dos alas, acurrucaditos. Hasta el otro dia, duerman los pollitos. ♪
:''[Moves: &quot;Los pollitos dicen &quot;Pio, pio, pio&quot;: Stand on one foot, then flap arms like a chick while stamping feet. &quot;Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio&quot;: Stand still and rub belly, cross arms and shiver in place. &quot;Bajo sus dos alas, acurrucaditos&quot;: Flap arms and stamp feet again while spinning. &quot;Hasta el otro dia, duerman los pollitos&quot;: Pretend to sleep with head against arms, then rock arms back and forth.]''
:'''Cassie''': That looks fun!
:'''Ord''': Yeah, let's all try it now!
:'''Zak''': In English this time.
:''[They all dance and Ord stumbles]''
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ All the little chicks say &quot;Cheep, cheep, cheep. We are very hungry and too cold to sleep. Their mother spreads her wings and feeds them lots of grain. So until tomorrow, they're warm and safe again. ♪
:''[Ord knocks Max and Cassie to the ground and they laugh.]''
:'''Zak''': Pretty good for the first time. Want to try it again?
:'''Cassie''': Yeah!
:'''Emmy''': Sure!
:'''Ord''': You bet we do!
:''[The song restarts, all but Ord dances and he stumbles again.]''
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen &quot;Pio, pio, pio. Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio.&quot; Bajo sus dos alas, acurrucaditos. Hasta el otro dia, duerman los pollitos. ♪
:'''Emmy''': ♪ All the little chicks say &quot;Cheep, cheep, cheep. We are very hungry and too cold to sleep. Their mother spreads her wings and feeds them lots of grain. So until tomorrow, they're warm and safe again. ♪ ''[hugs Cassie and laughs]''
:'''Ord''': Hey, that dance is hard!
:'''Emmy''': Why don't we try it again? You'’ll catch on.
:'''Ord''': I hope so.
:'''Cassie''': I have an idea! What if we try the dance again a little slower, one line at a time?
:'''Ord''': Okay.
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': Here we go! ♪ Los pollitos dicen... ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ All the little chicks say... ♪
:'''Max''': Get ready to flap.
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ &quot;Pio, pio, pio.&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ &quot;Cheep, cheep, cheep.&quot; ♪
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ &quot;Cuando tienen hambre...&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ &quot;We are very hungry&quot;... ♪
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ &quot;Cuando tienen frio.&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ And too cold to sleep.&quot; ♪
:'''Ord''': Hey, I did it! I did the dance!
:'''Emmy''': Ready to try it all together now?
:'''Ord''': You betcha!
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen &quot;Pio, pio, pio.&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ All the little chicks say &quot;Cheep, cheep, cheep.&quot; ♪
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio.&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ &quot;We are very hungry, and too cold to sleep&quot; ♪
:'''Ord''': Wait. I'm stuck! I can do the parts of the dance, but it's hard to do them all together! Maybe if I watch you guys do it all the way through again, that'll help...
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen &quot;Pio, pio, pio. Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio.&quot; Bajo sus dos alas, acurrucaditos. Hasta el otro dia, duerman los pollitos. ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ All the little chicks say &quot;Cheep, cheep, cheep. We are very hungry and too cold to sleep. Their mother spreads her wings and feeds them lots of grain. So until tomorrow, they're warm and safe again. ♪
:'''Ord''': Okay, I think I got it. Let's try it!
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen &quot;Pio, pio, pio.&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ All the little chicks say &quot;Cheep, cheep, cheep.&quot; ♪
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ &quot;Cuando tienen hambre...&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ &quot;We are very hungry&quot;... ♪
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ &quot;Cuando tienen frio.&quot; ♪
:'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ And too cold to sleep.&quot; ♪
:'''Ord''': Whoa! ''[he stumbles]''
:'''Emmy''': Are you okay, Ord?
:'''Ord''': Yes, but it's almost time for the Happy Hearts recital and I'm never gonna learn this dance never, ever, ever...
:'''Max''': ''[while Zak, Wheezie, Cassie and Emmy gasps]'' Ord, wait!
:'''Emmy''': Come back!
&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': I really want to join my friends in the show, but I just ''can't'' do the dance right. ( ''song hums'' ) Clap, stomp. Oh! It's ''no'' use!
:'''Quetzal''': Hola, Ord. You dropped. &quot;To my mommy, love you lots. From, Ord.'' Your mother will be so happy that you made this for her.
:'''Ord''': Thank you.
:'''Quetzal''': Are you going to give it to your mother after the recital?
:'''Ord''': No. I'm ''not'' going to the recital, because I tried and I tried, but, the dance is too hard.

===''Sneezy Does It'' [2.19a]===

===''Try It, You'll Like It'' [2.19b]===

===''Just for Laughs'' [2.20a]===

:''[About the tickle monsters. Kiki and Finn agreed with the group that the remaining custard eggs were in the Giant of Nod's magic box. So they accidentally let the tickle monsters out.]''
:'''Emmy''': ''[to the Giant of Nod]'' Did you say &quot;Tickle Monsters&quot;?
:'''Giant of Nod''': ''[to Emmy]'' '''YES! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID! AND THOSE TICKLE MONSTERS, THEY ATE UP ALL OUR FOOD!'''

===''Give Zak a Hand'' [2.20b]===
:'''Zak''': Sure!

===''Make No Mistake'' [2.21a]===

===''The Balancing Act'' [2.21b]===
:'''Emmy''': I love my new skateboard, but, I'll ''never'' be able to ride it if this rain doesn't stop.
:'''Max''': I know a place where you can ride it, Emmy.
:'''Kids''': Dragon Land! I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kids''': I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme, to go back home, until next time.
:'''Emmy''': Whew. No more skateboarding today.
:'''Max''': You can help me build my log tower, if you want. Whoa! It's gonna fall and make a mess!
:'''Emmy''': You just need to add a log here, so, each side has the same number of logs ( ''British accent'' ) for the perfect balance.

===''Room for Change'' [2.22a]===

===''The Sorrow and the Party'' [2.22b]===

===''The Grudge Won't Budge'' [2.23a]===

===''Putting the Fun in Fun Houses'' [2.23b]===

===''Puzzlewood'' [2.24a]===
:'''Max''': Come on, Emmy, let's finish our jigsaw puzzle. The piece that fits here is big at the top and small at the bottom. Look, Emmy, I found it.
:'''Emmy''': Me, oh, my, it's my favorite.

===''Let's Dance'' [2.24b]===
:'''Wheezie''': '''IT'S A MUSIC BOX! LOOOOOOOVE IT!'''
:'''Zak''': Well, I don't love it that music's making me dance, and I can't stop!
:'''Wheezie''': But dancing's fun, Zaky, and look at you go you're dancing up a storm. '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!'''
:'''Zak''': Uh... It maybe fun for you, Wheezie, but I don't want to dance. Where are we going?
:'''Wheezie''': It's me...
:'''Zak''': Arrrghhhh... But we're supposed to guard the other boxes!
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, all right, I'll close the box now... Zak, it won't close!
:'''Zak''': Uh... Let my try. ''[try to close the box]'' I can't close it either and if we don't we'll keep dancing.
:'''Wheezie''': Come on, little boxy, please, close...
:'''Zak''': Oh, great, now what?
:''[They both leave with the music box dancing ballet along the way]''
:'''Zak''': Maybe Quetzal could help us.
:'''Wheezie''': '''QUETZAL, HEEEEEEEEEELP!'''
:''[Quetzal sees them dancing from the school window and greets them]''
:'''Wheezie''': '''BUT WE'RE TOO FAR AWAY HE CAN'T HEAR US!'''
:'''Zak''': '''WAVE HARDER, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!'''
:''[Quetzal looks at them through the window again and withdraws]''
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, no! What do we do?
:'''Zak''': '''PANIC! CAUSE WE'RE DOOMED TO DANCE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFES!!!!!!!! WHEEZIE, I'M REALLY TIRED OF THE SONG!'''
:'''Wheezie''': Did tell the truth... ''[sighing]'' I'm tired of dancing too...
:''[The pace of the song slows down]''
:'''Zak''': Do you hear what I hear?
:'''Wheezie''': The music seems to be stopping, let's try to close the box again... '''WE DID IT!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;85%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': Now leave those boxes alone, Wheezie, every time you open one, we get in big trouble!
:'''Wheezie''': No more peaking, Zak, i promise...
&lt;hr width=&quot;85%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greta''': Hello, everyone, my hat and I are back it last!
:'''Wheezie''': '''I DID IT! THE WHOLE TIME WE WHERE PLAYING I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THE STRIPY BOX ONCE!'''
:'''Zak''': Here you go, Greta, your boxes.
:'''Greta''': Thank you for watching them...
:'''Wheezie''': Hmmmmmmm... Well... Actually... I couldn't wait and I opened two of them.
:'''Greta''': '''YOU DID?!''' But you shouldn't have opened them without my permission.
:'''Wheezie''': I know, and I'm sorry. I'm trying to learn how to wait.
:'''Greta''': Well... I know how hard it is to wait. But sometimes, waiting for a surprise makes it even more fun when you finally see what it is.
:'''Wheezie''': May I open the box now, please?
:'''Greta''': Yes, you may.
:'''Wheezie''': Any special rules?
:'''Greta''': Nope, go right ahead...
:''[Wheezie opens the box and to everyone's surprise colorful streamers come out]''
:'''Greta''': But there's another secret to this little box, pull your streamer when I say these special words: ''&quot;Gravity Green!&quot;''
&lt;hr width=&quot;85%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cassie''': It was so much fun!
:'''Ord, Emmy and Max''': Thanks, Greta.
:'''Zak''': See, if you went ahead and opened the box, we wouldn't have known the special words, and we would have missed the merry-go ride.
:'''Wheezie''': I'm so glad I was finally able to wait.
:'''Cassie''': Wheezie, your badge!
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, boy! Look, Zaky, look!
:'''Zak''': That good going, Wheezie!
:''[They both hug each other]''

==Season 3 (2005)==
===''To Fly with a New Friend, Part 1'' [3.01a]===
:''[first lines]''
:'''Max''': ''[imitates galloping hooves as he plays with his horse]'' Giddy-up! Yee-haw! I thought Enrique was coming over to play, Emmy.
:'''Emmy''': He is, Max. Isn't it great having a new friend living next door?
:'''Max''': Yeah.
:''[knocking on the door is heard.]''
:'''Emmy and Max''': Come in!
:''[the door opens and Enrique comes in the playroom.]''
:'''Emmy''': Hi!
:'''Max''': Hi, Enrique!
:'''Enrique''': ''Hola!'' ''Que tal?''
:'''Emmy''': Great!
:'''Max''': How's it going?
:'''Enrique''': ''Bien.'' Okay... I guess.
:'''Max''': ''[offers another horse toy]'' Wanna play cowboy?
:'''Enrique''': ''[grabs the horse toy]'' I have an uncle who is a real-life cowboy. A ''vaquero''. I used to ride horses with him back home.
:'''Max''': Was that in [[Mexico]]? That's where our ''abuelita (Spanish for: grandma)'' is from.
:'''Enrique''': No, in [[Columbia]]. But then we moved to [[Puerto Rico]], and I didn't get to ride so much. ''[pause; Emmy and Max look at him confused and skeptical]'' You guys would ''love'' Puerto Rico! You could play on the beach and swim, and... ''[sighs sadly]''
:'''Emmy''': You really miss it, huh?
:'''Enrique''': ''A veces.'' Uh, sometimes. It's so different [[United States|here]], and it's just hard.
:'''Max''': But you speak English really good.
:'''Emmy''': &quot;Really ''well''&quot;.
:''[Max glares at her.]''
:'''Enrique''': It's not that, it's just... I don't know. I've tried to make friends at school but all the kids all know each other already. And they all talk about stuff I don't know anything about.
:'''Max''': Anything you want to know about, I'm an expert!
:'''Emmy''': ''[giggles]'' Oh, brother!
:'''Enrique''': ''Gracias'', Max. I just wish there was a place where everyone was as friendly as you and Emmy.
:'''Max''': We know a place like that!
:'''Emmy''': ''[whispers]'' Max! ''[glares at him]''
:'''Max''': ''[whispers]'' Why can't we take Enrique there?
:'''Emmy''': Because we... we just can't. ''[Max smiles at her]'' Well, maybe. I guess. ''[smiles]'' Definitely!
:'''Max''': ''[giggles]''
:''[Emmy runs to the drawer and Max follows her. She opens the drawer, picks up the case and opens it, revealing the magic dragon scale.]''
:'''Enrique''': Wow, that is so beautiful! ''Que es eso? (Spanish for: What's that?]''
:'''Max''': It's a dragon scale!
:'''Enrique''': ''[chuckles]'' Sure, right. Seriously, what makes it glow like that?
:'''Max''': It's magical. It takes us to a place called Dragon Land.
:'''Enrique''': Come on! ''[Emmy and Max smile at him]'' Okay, so how does it work?
:'''Emmy''': Well, Max and I hold the scale and say: ''I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.'' And whoosh, we're there!
:'''Max''': ''[picks out the scale]'' You want to try?
:''[Enrique is hesitant as first but shrugs and decides to give it a try as he, Emmy and Max hold the scale together.]''
:'''Emmy and Max''': I wish, I wish, with all my heart...
:'''Enrique''': I wish, I wish, with all I've got...
:'''Emmy''': No, it's ''&quot;with all my heart&quot;''!
:'''Enrique''': Ah, ''corazon''! Heart! Sorry!
:''[Emmy, Max and Enrique hold the scale together.]''
:'''Emmy, Max and Enrique''': I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.
:''[The scale shines bright.]''
:'''Enrique''': ''[gasps]''
:''[The dragon tapestries come to life and leap off the wallpaper, and spin around Emmy, Max and Enrique as the three are surrounded in a colorful sparkling light.]''
:'''Enrique''': What? Whoa! No way!
:''[Emmy, Max and Enrique transport to Dragon Land.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;85%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Zak and Wheezie fly in.]''
:'''Wheezie''': Ooooooh, I just loooove making a new friend... Hello! I'm Wheezie, and this is my brother, Zak!
:'''Enrique''': Ah... Ohhhhh... Hello, I'm... '''YOU HAVE TWO HEADS!'''
:'''Zak''': Yeah. Hers does most to the talking, mine does most to the thinking! ''[laugh]''
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, Zaky... Ooh, I almost forgot! Quetzal sent us to find you, he need us for something veeeery important...
:'''Enrique''': Quetzal?
:'''Cassie''': He's our teacher at the school in the sky, Enrique...
:'''Max''': Come on! You'll really like him...
:''[Max rides Ord and Emmy rides Cassie.]''
:'''Zak''': You can ride in us, Enrique...
:'''Enrique''': Ride on a dragon's back?
:'''Max''': Of course.
:'''Enrique''': Okay, I've read in horses this can't be that much more difficult. ''[rides Zak and Wheezie]''
:'''Zak''': Hang on tight, Enrique!
:'''Enrique''': Okay... You're not gonna run too fast are you?
:'''Zak''': Who said anything about running?
:'''Wheezie''': You're gonna fly!

===''To Fly with a New Friend, Part 2'' [3.01b]===
:'''Enrique''': Where are we now?
:'''Ord''': Don't know, Enrique... Some kind of garden...
:'''Cassie''': And it's full of knucker holes.
:'''Zak''': Mystery solved. The knuckle holes disappear, some kind of magic brought him here.
:'''Emmy''': But who did the magic?
:'''Quanita''': That would be me... ''[comes down from the tree using his magic wand]'' Hi. I'm Quanita, junior wizard, uh... in training.
:'''Wheezie''': '''AM I MAD!'''
:'''Max''': Yeah, cause you shouldn't take what doesn't belong you! That's not right.
:'''Quanita''': Oh, I am so sorry, let me explain.
:'''Zak''': Oh... To this oughta be good...
:'''Quanita''': Easy... The head wizard asked me to plant all these speckled trees, but it would take me forever to dig holes for all of them...
:'''Ord''': There sure are a lot of them...
:'''Quanita''': So I waved my wand and made a wish for holes to plant them in, and well, these are what appeared. Huh... I am afraid I am not a good wizard.
:''[Everyone looks worried]''
:'''Zak''': Ahhhhh... Anybody can make a mistake, with she makes them constantly.
:'''Wheezie''': '''SURE DO...!'''
:'''Cassie''': Maybe you just need practice, Quanita.
:'''Quanita''': You think?
:'''Emmy''': Definitely.
:'''Quanita''': I'll reverse the wish and send all the knuckle holes back.
:'''Zak''': Get ready to jump everybody, we're going home with the knuckle holes!
:'''Enrique''': Wait! Before we go, we can help Quanita plant her trees.
:'''Emmy''': That's the great idea, Enrique, it's a big job for one little wizard.
:'''Enrique''': Can you make a wish for shovels?
:'''Quanita''': I can try...
:'''Max''': You did it!
:'''Wheezie''': '''LET'S GET TICKING!'''

===''Rise and Bloom'' [3.02a]===
:'''Max''': Come on, little guys. Rise and bloom. Hmm. I think then need a little moe help waking up. 
:''[all join in, singing in Spanish]'' 

===''Super Snow Day'' [3.02b]===

===''Musical Scales'' [3.03a]===
:'''Zak''': You heard, Wheezie! We aren't here! Oops! I mean, Wheezie and I aren't...! Oh! Oh, I give up.
:'''Wheezie''': Awwwwwwww... I had them fooled until you put our foot in your mouth...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': Our song is called ''&quot;El Coqui&quot;'', the frog!
:'''Enrique''': I taught them that song ''en español'' and english.
:''[Music playing]''
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ My Coqui, little frog, how I love you... ♪
:'''Zak''': ♪ For your song is be comfort and peace... ♪
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Every night I can go to sleep happy... ♪
:'''Zak''': ♪ When I hear lullabies from Coqui. ♪
:'''Both''': ♪ Coqui, Coqui... ♪
:'''Zak''': '''OH! OW! OH!'''
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Coqui, Coqui, Coqui... ♪
:'''Enrique''': I didn't teach you this part.
:'''Zak''': ''[jumping]'' '''OOH! AHH!''' 
:'''Wheezie''': ''[jumping]'' '''AAH! OOOH!'''
:'''Zak''': Can you feel that? Uhh. Itchy! Ah!
:'''Cassie''': I think we'd better try something else. Hmmmmm... Maybe we could cover up the bald spots.
:'''Max''': With what?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': Why didn't I ever think of wearing all my fancy clothes at the same time before?
:'''Zak''': Because we look like someone dumped a laundry basketover our heads... This almost looks worse than shedding.
:''[Ord, Cassie and Emmy laugh]''
:'''Max''': No! You look like rock stars really. Play!
:''[Music playing]''
:'''Zak''': ♪ My Coqui, little frog, how I love you... ♪
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ For your song is be comfort and peace... ♪
:'''Zak''': ''[concerned]'' ♪ A belt has come loose and it's slipping... ♪
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Well, grab it before it falls off. ♪
:'''Zak''': ♪ Coqui, Coqui... ♪ Oh! ♪ Coqui, qui, qui... ♪ '''YOW!'''
:'''Wheezie''': ♪ Coqui, Coqui... ♪
:'''Zak''': '''WOW!'''
:''[They both fall to the floor]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': '''WHOA!'''
:'''Wheezie''': ''[laugh]'' Oh, sorry. I can't help it!
:'''Zak''': That is a b-a-d haircut.

===''Hand in Hand'' [3.03b]===
:'''Enrique''': Wow!
:'''Emmy''': Hey!
:'''Max''': Ow!
:''[Enrique gasps]'' 
:'''Zak''' and '''Wheezie''': 1, 2, 3, pull! Pull!
:'''Enrique''': Pare! Stop! What are you doing?

===''Sky Soccer'' [3.04a]===
:'''Ord''': Wow! That looks like so much fun! I can't wait to be on the team...
:'''Emmy''': Have you ever played sky soccer before, Ord?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': ''[annoyed]'' '''WELL, DON'T TAKE ALL DAY!'''
:'''Zak''': Okay, okay, here goes nothing...!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ord''': I'm not sure I can remember all that.

===''Itching for a Cure'' [3.05a]===
:'''Emmy''': ''Careful.'' 
:'''Max''': ''I am.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Enrique''': Sorry, I'm late. 
:'''Emmy''' and '''Max''': Huh?
:'''Enrique''': ''[speaks in Spanish]'' ''Sorry.'' I didn't mean to knock down your card house.
:'''Emmy''': That's okay, Enrique.
:'''Max''': Yeah, we we're just practicing for the big house of cards we're gonna build in Dragon Land.

===''The Big Race'' [3.05b]===

===''Max Loves a Train'' [3.06b]===
:'''Max''': All aboooooard!!! Choooooooo, Choooooooo!!! Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga!
:'''Enrique''': Wow, Max. What a cool model train set from hobby lobby!
:'''Emmy''': [imitating engine's wheels &amp; whistles as a steam train]  Choo, choo, choo, choo, Woo-woo! Max loves steam engine trains going down by the station, Enrique.
:'''Max''': Yeah, and today, we get to ride the Dragon Land Express. Chug, chug, Whoo, whoo, Off we go!
:'''Enrique''': I know. I can't wait about pufferbellies. A Pufferbelly is a big old train with a steam engine. Choo-choo-choo-choo. 
:'''Emmy''': [giggles then she have a great idea to wear bandannas, engineer caps, and gloves, to Enrique and Max for help in pretend play] Should we sing &quot;Down by the Station&quot;? 
:'''Max and Enrique''': [nods their heads in agreement, smiley] Yes! We agreed! We agreed! Choo-choo!! 
:'''Emmy''': [giggles] OK. [making train sounds] Chug, chug, toot, toot  Go To The DragonLand! [They puts both hands on her shoulders] All aboard! Puff, puff, woo, woo, Let's go for Ride! [she imitating train noise from the down by the station song] Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go!
:'''Emmy, Max and Enrique''':  [chugging with the dragon scale as a train, puffing out smoke with the tune of the song makes the dragons on the wall come to life and made the magic tunnel and the very railroad whistle sounds on the magic buffers] Down by the station, Early in the morning, See the little pufferbellies, All in a row. See the stationmaster, Turn the little handle. Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go!

===''Prince for a Day'' [3.10a]===
:'''Enrique''': How are you two going to decide whose turn it is to clean up?
:'''Emmy and Max''': I know! Rock. Paper. Scissors! ''[they both do scissors]'' Rock. Paper. Scissors! ''[they both do rock]''

===''So Long Solo'' [3.10b]===
:''[After Wheezie's sheet music has sunken into a pond]''
:'''Zak''': Oh, Wheezie, it's all my fault! I guess I wasn't holding the music tight enough.
:'''Wheezie''': It was an accident, Zak. It's okay. I know that there'll be other shows next year.
:'''Zak''': Can't you play a different song? You know hundreds.
:'''Wheezie''': I didn't bring any other music.
:'''Zak''': Well, if you're not gonna perform, then I'm not gonna perform.
:'''Wheezie''': Don't say that! You worked hard on your juggle gym, and I want you to show it off.
:'''Zak''': ''[smiling]'' Really?
:'''Wheezie''': ''[also smiling]'' Yeah!
:''[At that moment, their badges start glowing.]''
:'''Wheezie''': Zak, look, our dragon badge!
:'''Zak''': Ha, it's glowing!
:'''Wheezie''': We must have really learned to...
:'''Zak''': ...work together!
:'''Wheezie''': Aw, Zaky!

===''Feliz Cumpleanos, Enrique'' [3.12a]===
:'''Dragons''': '''SURPRISE!'''
:'''Enrique''': This is all for me?
:'''Wheezie''': Absolutely... Happy birthday!
:''[Everyone it celebrates happily and laughing]''
:'''Quetzal''': ''Feliz cumpleaños, Enrique.''
:'''Enrique''': ''Gracias,'' Quetzal. ''Gracias,'' everybody!
:'''Quetzal''': I must go back to preparing tomorrow's lesson. Enjoy your party, niños!
:'''Everybody''': See you! Bye-bye!
:'''Cassie''': Will you help me pass these out, Emmy?
:'''Emmy''': Definitely.
:'''Wheezie''': Ooooooh, noisemakers, my favorite!
:'''Zak''': ''[annoyed]'' No surprise there.
:''[They all play the noisemakers and march with them, however stop when Enrique gets sad.]''
:'''Ord''': What's the matter, Enrique? Did your blower stop working?
:'''Enrique''': No... These remind me of the tiny whistles we used to hide in the frosting of birthday cakes back in Colombia.
:'''Emmy''': Why did you do that?
:'''Enrique''': ''[laughting]'' Because it was so much fun to pull them out and lick the gooey frosting off the whistles.
:''[Everyone laughs less Zak]''
:'''Wheezie''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!'''
:'''Zak''': Sounds messy to me!
:'''Enrique''': Hey! Is that a ''piñata''?
:'''Cassie''': Well, it does kind of look like one.
:'''Ord''': But we use it to play another really fun birthday game. 
:'''Max and Ord''': Pin the badge on the dragon.
:'''Cassie''': Each of us gets one of these!
:'''Max''': And you have to try to put it on the dragon's neck.
:'''Ord''': Like a dragon badge!
:'''Zak''': But the trick is you have to do it all... ''[takes out of his pouch a bandage]''
:'''Wheezie''': Blindfolded...!
:'''Emmy''': Whoever gets the closest is the winner.
:'''Max''': Wanna play?
:'''Enrique''': Sure!
:'''Ord''': Ooh, ooh, ooh, can I go first, uh?
:'''Cassie''': It's a Enrique's birthday award, maybe he should be the first.
:'''Enrique''': That's okay, Cassie, you can go first, Ord...
:'''Ord''': Oh, goody... Thanks, Enrique.
:'''Wheezie''': Ready-freddy?
:''[Zak and Wheezie blindfold Ord and spin him around]''
:'''Emmy''': '''COME ON, ORD...!'''
:''[Everyone is encourage for Ord]''
:'''Zak''': '''ALL RIGHT, ORD! KEEP GOING! KEEP GOING!'''
:''[Ord places the badge on the dragon's foot]''
:'''Ord''': How I do? How I do?
:'''Max''': ''[laugh]'' Now the dragon badge is a dragon shoe...
:''[Ord laugh]''
:'''Emmy''': Now it's your turn, Enrique...
:''[Ord blindfold Enrique and takes him away from the dragon, everyone is encourage for Enrique, he place the badge in the belly of the dragon and the blindfold is lifted.]''
:'''Ord''': ''[laughing]'' Wow!
:'''Max''': ''[laugh]'' Now it's a belly badge...
:''[Enrique laughs]''
:''[Next scene shows the group in the party wearing party hats and drinking juice from boxes. Cassie observes Enrique feeling sad again.]''
:'''Cassie''': ''[worried]'' Don't you like your party, Enrique?
:'''Enrique''': ''Claro que sí'', Cassie... It's really nice of everyone to do all this for me. It's just that... I'm actually feeling kind of sad!
:'''Ord''': Sad? On your birthday?
:'''Wheezie''': See? I told you we should have blown up more balloons...
:'''Zak''': It's not my fault I don't have as much hot air as you...!
:'''Enrique''': Zak, Wheezie, the balloons are ''fantásticas''. I guess it's just... I miss the parties we used to have back in Colombia. ''[he sits sadly on a rock and his friends approach him]''
:'''Cassie''': Hmmmmmm... What do you miss about those parties, Enrique?
:'''Emmy''': Because maybe talking about what you miss will help you not feel so sad.
:'''Enrique''': Well... My friends and family would get together and we'd celebrate, with music and games and all kinds of food.
:'''Wheezie''': Ooooooh, like a ''fiesta''! ''Fiestas'' are so festive!
:'''Enrique''': Sometimes we play the stereo and the grown-ups would hand out instruments, like ''güiros'' and ''maracas'', and we dance along with the music.
:''[His friends look at him listening with interest]''
:'''Enrique''': ''[sad again]'' Ah... I sure missed those parties.
:'''Zak''': Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Wheezie?
:'''Wheezie''': If you're thinking what I'm thinking, Zaky...
:'''Cassie''': I'm thinking it too?
:'''Emmy''': Definitely.
:'''Ord''': What's everyone thinking, Max?
:'''Emmy''': That we can make music the way they did it Enrique's parties.
:'''Wheezie''': Something like this? ''[play music like a xylophone on their scales with Zak]''
:'''Enrique''': That's great, Wheezie!
:''[Everyone starts dancing]''
:'''Enrique''': All we need now are some ''maracas'' and it'll be just like back home.
:'''Zak''': Got any ''maracas'' and that messy pouch of yours, Wheezie?
:'''Wheezie''': Let's see! Hmmmmm... No... Oh! Been looking for that... ''[reaches into his pouch and pulls out a umbrella without fabric, a boot, an accordion and throws them into the air]'' Ah... Oh... No maracas.
:'''Emmy''': Maybe we can make some.
:'''Cassie''': That's a great idea, Emmy...
:'''Max''': Yeah! ''[he scratches the head]'' Huh... How are we gonna do that?
:'''Ord''': I know... ''[goes to some trees and collects five seed pods, returns and pours the seeds into his hand]''
:'''?''':What's that?
:'''Ord''': Dragon pods seeds make a really shaky sound when they're inside my pouch just like ''maracas''. ''[put the seeds in his pouch and makes it sound]''
:'''Max''': ''[laugh]'' We can't all shake your pouch, Ord...
:'''Ord''': Oh, right. ''[laugh]''
:''[Everyone laughs and Wheezie drink his juice from box]''
:'''Enrique''': How about if we put the seeds inside the empty juice boxes and shake them?
:'''Everyone''': '''YEAH! GREAT!'''
:''[Everyone finishes drinking their juice boxes, Ord takes the seeds out of his pouch and places them in the juice boxes]''
:'''Max''': It works! Listen to this! ''[shaking his juice box]''
:'''Ord''': That's great, Max, sounds is good as my pouch!
:'''Wheezie''': All right, everybody, let's ''ma-rraca'' and roll!
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': And the ''uno'' and the ''dos''!
:''[They both play the tune on their scales again while the others rattle their juice box maracas and dance happily to the music.]''
:'''Everyone''': '''ALL RIGHT, ZAK AND WHEEZIE! YEAH! ALL RIGHT!''' ''[laugh]''
:'''Max''': That sounded really cool!
:'''Cassie''': I love played the ''maracas''...
:'''Everyone''': '''YES!'''
:''[Emmy laugh]''
:'''Enrique''': Me too! It reminds me of my family and friends in Colombia. Hmmm... ''[becomes sad again]''
:'''Ord''': Are you starting to feel sad again, Enrique?
:'''Enrique''': A little...
:''[His friends looks worried]''
:'''Wheezie''': Well then, how's about we whip up some more ''fiesta'' fun? We can do the Dragonland Conga!
:'''Zak''': What do you say, Enrique?
:'''Enrique''': It sounds great but... Maybe later. ''[walks away sadly under the worried gaze of his friends and Cassie runs to him]''
:'''Cassie''': Enrique, sometimes when I feel sad, I go talk with Quetzal. He helps me figure out my feelings.
:'''Enrique''': Maybe I should.
:''[Changes at the school in the sky]''
:'''Enrique''': A-ah... And everybody's trying so hard to make me a nice party, a-ah... And I really appreciate it... And I really want to have fun... a-ah... And make the sad feeling go away, but it keeps coming back.
:'''Quetzal''': I understand, Enrique. I too sometimes feel sad.
:'''Enrique''': You do?
:'''Quetzal''': Sí, Enrique, and sometimes when I'm feeling especially sad. It seems as if there is only one thing that I want to do.
:'''Enrique''': What's that?
:'''Quetzal''': Cry... Perhaps that is the way you feel right now.
:'''Enrique''': I always heard that boys... They don't... They're not supposed to...
:'''Quetzal''': Ahhhhhhh... They are not supposed to cry because it is not ''macho''.
:'''Enrique''': ''Sí''.
:'''Quetzal''': There is no shame in crying, Enrique. Trust me, in can be a find way to let the sadness out.
:''[Enrique and Quetzal hug each other and he starts crying, after a while then Enrique leaves school more calm down]''
:'''Everyone''': '''HI, ENRIQUE!'''
:'''Enrique''': ''Hola'', everyone.
:'''Ord''': Are you okay, Enrique? You look like you've been crying.
:'''Enrique''': ''Sí'', but it's okay. Quetzal told me crying helps let the sadness out, and he was right.
:''[His friends nod their heads]''
:'''Emmy''': You do seem happier now, Enrique...
:'''Enrique''': ''Sí'', Emmy. I still feel a little sad, but mostly I feel like it's my birthday and I want to have fun!
:'''Everyone''': ''[celebrating]'' '''GOOD!'''
:'''Enrique''': So if you still want to, maybe we could do the Dragonland Conga?
:'''Everyone''': ''[celebrating]'' '''YEAH! WOO-HOO!'''
:'''Wheezie''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!'''
:'''Everyone''': ''[dancing]'' ♪ Feliz cumpleaños... ♪ ''[3 times]''
:'''Enrique''': I don't feel sad anymore, Quetzal!
:'''Quetzal''': ''¡Que bueno, Enrique!''
:''[Everyone laughs celebrating and dancing]''
:'''Max, Emmy and Enrique''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time. ''[Then disappear and appear back in the playroom]''
:'''Enrique''': ''Muchas gracias por todo'', Max and Emmy.
:'''Emmy''': You're welcome, Enrique...
:'''Max''': ''De nada...''
:'''Enrique''': You know, my ''papá'' said derby birthday cake when he got home from work... You want to come over?
:'''Emmy''': Cake?
:'''Max''': '''YEAH!'''
:'''Emmy''': Are there gonna be tiny whistles in the frosty?
:'''Enrique''': You bet!
:'''Max''': I want to lick the frosting off!
:'''Enrique''': Me too!
:'''Emmy''': Me three!

===''Moving On'' [3.16a]===
:'''Emmy''': Hey, the dragon scale is glowing.
:'''Max''': They need us in Dragon Land.

===''Something's Missing'' [3.24b]===
:'''Max''': I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': I can't wait to see if there's a letter from Emmy, then Mom can read it to me. And I really can't wait till Emmy gets my letter.

===''Hello, Ms. Tipps'' [3.26b]===

===''Just the Two of Us'' [3.29a]===
:'''Zak and Wheezie's mom''': All right, Zak and Wheezie...
:'''Zak and Wheezie's dad''': You can open your eyes now...
:'''Wheezie''': Ooh! I love surprises, they're so... '''SURPRISING...!'''
:'''Zak''': What is it?
:'''Zak and Wheezie's mom''': It's my dragon links building kit. I played with it when I was a little dragon.
:'''Zak and Wheezie's dad''': We know how hard it is to play outside when Polly is tuning her weather machine. So we thought they would have fun playing with it now.
:'''Wheezie''': Looooove it! Let's make a sculpture, a work of art!
&lt;hr width=&quot;80%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': Who wants to go swimming?
:'''Max''': Swimming? But... I've never seen a dragon links building kit before.
:'''Wheezie''': Ohhhhh... ''[stroking his head]'' Who wants to be cooped up on a beautiful day like today, right, Zak?
:'''Zak''': Huh?... Oh... All right! Let's play while the sun... i-i-is out!
&lt;hr width=&quot;80%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emmy''': So... Wheezie, what's your mom and dad's dragon links building kit look like?
:'''Wheezie''': Well, it got lots of pieces you put together to make... ''[Zak covers his snout]''
:'''Zak''': Nothing.
:'''Wheezie''': ''[while Zak gets angry]'' What? Oh! Yeah, nothing. Hey! '''LOOK, IT'S... A SNOWSTORM...!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;80%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': '''HOLD IT STEADY, ZAK...!'''
:'''Zak''': '''I'M TRYING!''' But it's too heavy to hold up all by myself. ''[the pieces fall to the floor]'' We could use Ord's muscles.
:'''Wheezie''': ''[smile]'' What if we asked Ord to help us?
:'''Zak''': Okay, but only Ord. Everybody else can only see it when we're done.

===''Cowboy Max'' [3.29b]===
'''YEE-HAW!'''

===''Flip Flop'' [3.30a]===
:'''Max''': Hey! Zak is acting like Wheezie!
:'''Ord''': And Wheezie is acting like Zak.
:'''Zak and Wheezie''': We are? '''WE ARE!'''
:'''Wheezie''': '''OOOOOH!'''
:'''Zak''': '''AHHHHHHHHH!'''
:'''Cassie''': Maybe Quetzal will know why this is hapenning.
&lt;hr width=&quot;40%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': Let's get's over with.
:'''Zak''': Oh, oh, oh!... Wait!... I want to hold it.
:'''Wheezie''': It doesn't matter who holds it.
:'''Zak''': ''[annoyed]'' You held it last time!
&lt;hr width=&quot;40%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': Now we can make a wish to flip-flop back. '''HOOOOORAY...!''' ''[he flies away with Wheezie, they do two somersaults and fall to the ground]''
:'''Wheezie''': Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...
:'''Emmy''': Wheezie, are you okay?
:'''Max''': You're that funny color that Zak turns when you do somersaults.
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, gee, Zak, is this how you feel when I make us do somersaults?
:'''Zak''': If you mean all dizzy-wizzy in your head and icky-sicky in our stomach, yes...
:'''Wheezie''': Oh, I'm sorry, Zaky, I didn't know it made you feel so bad.
&lt;hr width=&quot;40%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': There's no one else here! This is hopeless. Zaaak... We already looked in the dailing flowers...
:'''Zak''': See what I made?
:'''Wheezie''': Why are you acting so silly when we have something important to do?
:'''Zak''': Ooh... Can't we have fun at the same time...?
:'''Ord''': Usually Zak is the one who gets upset because Wheezie acting silly...
:'''Zak''': Wheezie, when you act silly sometimes, aren't you just trying to make the job fun?
:'''Wheezie''': Huh, just like you're doing now.
:'''Zak''': '''OHHHHHHH!''' ''[laugh]'' 
&lt;hr width=&quot;40%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zak''': '''FOLLOW THAT STATUE!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;40%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wheezie''': Woo-hoo! I feel the tickle-lickle, that beautiful statue must have granted our wish...
:'''Quetzal''': So, Zak, how do you feel being back to your old self?
:'''Zak''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!'''
:''[Everyone gasps]''
:'''Zak''': Hey, I can be silly too...
:''[Everyone laugh]''

==Cast==
* [[w:Andrea Libman|Andrea Libman]] as Emmy
* Danny McKinnon as Max 
* Aida Ortega (Season 3) (2005) as Enrique (Season 3) (2005)
* [[w:Chantal Strand|Chantal Strand]] as Cassie 
* [[w:Ty Olsson|Ty Olsson]] as Ord 
* Jason Michas as Zak
* [[w:Kathleen Barr|Kathleen Barr]] as Wheezie

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Dragon Tales}} 

[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dragons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]]</text>
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      <comment>/* Pitcher Porky / Cherry Picker / Duck Duck Boom! [1.18] */</comment>
      <origin>3963130</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="20463" sha1="7ozc9yxlntroqoyk544hrozln4spagw" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Looney Tunes Cartoons|Looney Tunes Cartoons]]''''' is an American [[w:Animated series|animated]] [[w:Streaming television|streaming television]] series developed by [[w:Peter Browngardt|Peter Browngardt]] and produced by [[w:Warner Bros. Animation|Warner Bros. Animation]], based on the characters from ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' and ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]''. The series made its worldwide debut at the [[w:Annecy International Animated Film Festival|Annecy International Animated Film Festival]] on June 10, 2019, and premiered on [[w:HBO Max|HBO Max]] on May 27, 2020.

==Season 1==

===Curse of the Monkeybird / Deflating Planet / Harm Wrestling [1.01]===
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': I've been bitten by a snake! You have to suck up the poison!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Eh, confidentially Folks, this ain't my first rodeo! ''[holds up a certificate]''

===Big League Beast / Mini Elmer / Firehouse Frenzy [1.02]===
:'''Ainara''': (She whistled while cleaning a Spider and then singing with clean this mess the bath, she goes down)

===Boo! Appetweet / Plunger / Bubble Dum [1.03]===

: '''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Ooh. Street gum. My Favorite fruit.

===Pain in the Ice / Tunnel Vision / Pool Bunny [1.04]===
:'''[[w:Granny (Looney Tunes)|Granny]]''': ''[to [[w:Tweety|Tweety]]]'' Have fun, Tweety!
:'''[[w:Tweety|Tweety]]''': ''[breaking the [[w:Fourth wall|fourth wall]]]'' I always have fun when Gwanny's not awound. ''[eyebrow waggle]''

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Tweety|Tweety]]''': ''[as he watches [[w:Sylvester the Cat|Sylvester]] get attack by the [[w:Polar bear|polar bear]]]'' Bye-bye, puddy! It was ice knowing ya!

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': I'm sure this nice homeowner won't mind sharing his pool with the local wildlife.
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': If there's one thing I have zero tolerance for, it's shawing my pool with the wocal wildwife!

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Of course, you realize, this means... You know.
(When Elmer is like a fine ready the pool, she's Whistling while walking in the door)
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Hey, 4.3! Not bad.

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[coughing; weakened]'' It's all over for me, Doc.
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': I'm so sorry, Mr. Wabbit!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[coughing; weakened]'' Can I just make one last request before I go?
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': Anything, Mr. Wabbit. Anything at all.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[weakened]'' Can I call my wife and say goodbye?
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': Sure.

===Pest Coaster / Rhino ya Don't! [1.05]===
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Hello, [[w:Democratic Republic of the Congo|Democratic Republic of Congo]]? Maybe I should've turned right at [[w:Luxembourg|Luxembourg]]. Say, what kind of place is this anyway. ''[A brochure hits him]'' Amusement Park, third or fourth happiest place on earth. Give or take. Hey, a rabbit could get used to a place like this. Especially, since I tunneled right past the admission booth.

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]]''': I despise me some animals, but I would never hurt an innocent little baby. [[w:Fourth Wall|I'll even prove it to you!]]

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': That's what you get for messing with my baby! Ain't that right, junior. ''[as it turns out, the baby was a pull-string toy]''
:'''Baby Toy''': ''[giggles]'' I want candy!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Oh. They grow up so fast!

===Buzzard School / Giant Alien Mouth / Wet Cement [1.06] ===
:'''Mama Buzzard''': Very Good. Now, go out fetch your mama a nice juicy rabbit for dinner. ''[screams to beaky]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU DO!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': Gosh, you better i make my ma proud of me and catch a rabbit. ''[Bugs bunny humming a tune with clean out for sold, reaching for the scamp with beep, for the carrot juice of done]''
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Aha! Jackpot! Just what I needed! Now all I need is a can opener. ''[Beaky Buzzard fall it void of Bugs Bunny like it this storm]'' Ah, there's one. How convenient.

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': So, tell me, Doc, when you find this, uh, rabbit, what are you going to do with it?
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': Naw, naw, no, I can't say it. No, no, nope.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Ah, come on! Tell me.
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': Naw, naw, naw, it's too gruesome. Too gruesome. No, no, no.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': I'm genuinely curious. Please!
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': Well, uh, I shouldn't tell you but if I could, I'd say... ''[shouts to bugs]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''I AM GONNA CATCH HIM AND MAUL HIM AND BEAT HIM AND SKIN HIM AND GRIND HIM UP AND MAKE HIM INTO RABBIT MEATBALLS!'''''&lt;/big&gt; But I am not going to tell y'all. Oh, no, no, no Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Uh, listen, Doc, I don't mean to toot my own horn but, uh, I'm an expert at catching rabbits.

{{line}}
:''[Beaky follows Bugs to the train tracks near the tunnel]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Now, do you see any tracks?
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': [excitedly] Oh, uh, uh, I found them. I found tracks. Yup, yup, I found them.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Good job, kiddo. Now, follow them and you'll find that rabbit.
:'''Beaky''': I hear something.
:'''Bugs''': What's it sound like?
:'''Beaky''': Well, it kind of sounds like a tra--
:''[train tooting and hits beaky but he starts to crawl outside of the tunnel]''
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': [groggy] Whoa, wait a minute. I don't think that was a rabbit at all. ''[realizes the train tracks]'' I think that was a '''''TRAIN!''''' &lt;big&gt;'''''WERE YOU TRYING TO TRICK ME?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Trick ya? Nah. Nah. I wasn't trying to trick ya! I was uh, &quot;training&quot; ya!
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': Oh, really? Makes perfect sense to me.

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[after the dynamite blows up]'' Oh. They blow up so fast! ''[cries a little]'' Oh well. Class dismissed!

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': I am one stuck duck!

===Siberian Sam / Fishing Pole / Fleece &amp; Desist / Mirror/Split Screen Marvin [1.07]===
:'''[[w:Ralph Wolf and Sam Sheepdog|Ralph Wolf]]''': So, do anything this weekend, Sam?
:'''Sam Sheepdog''': Oh, not much I'm afraid, Ralph.
:'''Ralph Wolf''': Well, no news is good news, I always say.

===Grilled Rabbit / Cactus if you Can / Shower Shuffle [1.08] ===
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': &lt;big&gt;'''''WHERE ARE THE CARROTS AT YOUR FILTHY ANIMAL?!?! NOW I AM THE BAD COP SEE!?'''''&lt;/big&gt;

===Overdue Duck / Bees / Vincent van Fudd [1.09] ===
:'''[[w:Porky Pig|Porky Pig]]''': ''[frustrated after [[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy]] breaks a drum over his head]'' Tha-th-th-tha- ''[shouts with fury]'' &lt;big&gt;'''THAT'S IT!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;

===Hare Restoration / TNT Trouble / Plumber's Quack [1.10]===

===Bugs Bunny's 24-Carrot Holiday Special [1.11]===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[hacking coughs]'' Sorry! Allergies are acting up! Thanks for stopping by and happy holidays!

===Daffucino / Moving Hole / Kitty Livin [1.12]===

===Chain Gang(sters) / Sylvester Car Jack Lift / Falling for It! [1.13] ===
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': The rocket fuel ''really'' brings out the flavor.

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Rocky and Mugsy|Mugsy]]''': ''[with multiple eyes]'' Dah, I don't feel so good, boss.
:'''[[w:Rocky and Mugsy|Rocky]]''': ''[smacks Mugsy with a tentacled arm]'' &lt;big&gt;'''SHADDUP!'''&lt;/big&gt;

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': ''[as he and Porky are falling to their demise after finding out that they have no parachutes in their packs]'' Hey, wait a minute! What are we so worried about? After all, we're cats and cats always land on their feet. Not to mention their nine lives.
:'''[[w:Porky Pig|Porky Pig]]''': W-we're not cats!
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Says who?
:'''[[w:Porky Pig|Porky Pig]]''': D-D-Daffy Duck, P-P-Porky Pig! &lt;big&gt;'''''IT'S IN OUR NAMES!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Oh boy...

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Porky Pig|Porky Pig]]''': ''[pops out of the drum, mimicking the original 1930s to 1940s ending, looking the worse for wear from that plane crash, coughing, choked with smoke]'' T-T-T-T-That's All Folks!

===Taziator / Little Martian / Climate Control [1.14]===

===Lepreconned / Flag Won’t Stay Straight / Brave New Home [1.15]===

===The Case of Porky’s Pants / Fully Vetted [1.16]===
:'''[[w:Tweety|Tweety]]''': Oh, there you are, puddy tat. Did they fix you up weal good?
:'''[[w:Sylvester the Cat|Sylvester]]''': ''[last words before he commits suicide; in a high-pitched voice]''  Yeah. They fixed me, all right...

===Erabbitcator / Planet Split in 2 / Salesduck [1.17]===

===Pitcher Porky / Cherry Picker / Duck Duck Boom! [1.18]===
Give this to him

===Postalgeist / Anvil / Fudds Bunny [1.19]===

===Shoe Shine-nanigans / Multiply and Conquer / Parky Pig [1.20]===
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': ''[snaps his fingers at Daffy]'' Hey, shoeshine boy!
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Oh. A wealthy patron. Did your spaz spit shine, sir?
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': No. I need my hair cut. Of ''course'' I need my shoeshined, you wucking class woser! I need my woafers prim and pwoper fast!
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Well. You've come to the right place, my good man!

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': 25 cents. That's highway wobbery! ''[checks his pockets, but has no coins]'' Oh dear! I must've left my wallet in my other twousers. Oh well. I guess the best thing to walk off-wy. ''[laughs as he walks away, but, gets run over by a bus, losing his shoes in the process]''
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Yeesh! I guess that's what you get for being sole-less.

===Shell Shocked / The Daffy Dentist [1.21]===

===Puma Problems / Bowling Ball / Duplicate Daffy [1.22]===

===Key-Tastrophe / Hammer the Rabbit Hole / A Devil Of A Drink [1.23]===

{{line}}
:'''Tazmanian Devil:''' On bright side, Taz not thirsty anymore.

===Weaselin' In / Time Out [1.24]===

===Bounty Bunny / Underwear / Vender Bender [1.25]===
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Ooh! Gorp! ''[eats Gorp, then walks off]''

===Mallard Practice / Mouse / Born To Be Wile E. [1.26]===

===Raging Granny / Famous / Spare Me! [1.27]===

===Marv Attacks! / A Wolf in Cheap Clothing [1.28]===

:'''Marvin''': There we are! ''[noticed Bugs in the green unbreathable bubble]'' Hmm. This must be the last of the earthlings. ''[snaps his fingers which pops the bubbles.]''
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[coughs, trying to regain his breath]'' What's up, doc?
:'''Marvin''': Earth has been conquered by Mars, which means I rule this planet now and all surviving earthlings are now my lifelong servants. That includes you!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Me?! Lifelong servant?! Now, wait just a minute, doc.
:'''Marvin''': You will perform my every bidding or be destroyed.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Now, now, Now! You mean, to tell me you’re gonna make me put up more of all this Martian signage.
:'''Marvin''': Yes! If I so see fit.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': You're gonna have me run all your Martian errands.
:'''Marvin''': That's right!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Ooh. You're gonna make me clean that filthy ray gun of yours?
:'''Marvin''': Yes! And I'll have you do so right now!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Okay. Okay. I got this! A quick polish oughta do the trick. ''[proceeds to clean the ray gun, while unknowningly zapping and injuring Marvin]'' My heavens! When's the last time you cleaned this thing? Geez! There must be ten layers of space dust caked on.
:'''Marvin''': ''[dizzy]'' Okay. I think you got it!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Hmm. Ya think so, but, no. There's still some crud on the liquefy switch.
:'''Marvin''': Wait. Don't touch that! ''[gets zapped and gets liquified]''
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': There we go! Good as new!

===High Speed Hare / Rattle Snake / Nutty Devil [1.29]===

{{line}}
:'''Ainara''': I Think is the sign. Boy, What Will They Think of Next? (She Walking in this cars again, with using by singing her)
:'''Mr. Car''': Hello, sir.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Huh? Who said that?
:'''Mr. Car''': I did, sir.
:'''Ainara''': You Know? I Can't really when see you are so this car.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[This cartoon was inspired by [[Falling Hare]].]'' Hmm. Says here that these self-driving cars are completely flawless, except they attract Gremlins. Gremlins love to damage, smash, wreck and generally mutilate auto-mo-bil-es of a futuristic nature. ''[laughs]'' Gremlins! What a load of baloney! What a bunch of horse eggs! ''[to the Gremlin]'' Can you believe that, guy. ''[he and the Gremlin laugh]'' I'd tell ya, people would believe in all kinds of turkey trash!

===Pigture Perfect / Grappling Hook / Swoop de Doo [1.30]===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Petunia Pig|Petunia Pig]]''': ''[falls from a telephone wire and lands on a branch just above a sharp rake]'' It could have been worse! ''[gets catapulted straight back up into the sky]'' You'll never see a rainbow if you're looking down! 
:''[Petunia snaps the telephone wire and gets electrocuted and falls back down, hits the same branch, which now brakes and drops her on the rake]''

{{line}}
:''[Wile E. Coyote gets set on fire, to the point of being burnt badly. The Road Runner holds up a sign saying '''&quot;SICK BURN!&quot;''' Suddenly a truck carrying lemon juice and other truck carrying salt head straight towards Wile E.]''
:'''[[w:Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner|Road Runner]]''': Meep meep! ''[runs off]''
:''[Realizing his fate, Wile E. sheds a single tear as the screen fades to black and a loud '''&quot;CRASH&quot;''' is heard]''

===A Pane to Wash / High Wire / Saddle Sore [1.31]===

==Season 2==
=== Red, White and Bruised / Rabbit / Jet Porkpelled ===

=== Mummy Dummy / Shrinking Telephone Pole / In The Road Again ===

=== Emotional Support Duck / Tennis / Adopt Me ===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]:''' We get to be in a movie?

=== Rage Rover / To Hive and to Hold / Battle Stations ===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Ain't I a stinker?

=== Bone Head / Relax ===

{{line}}
:'''Russian Dog:''' This shouldn't even happen to a dog.

=== Rotund Rabbit / Hog Wash ===

:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Ooh. PG-13.

=== Nip and Duck / Circular Fan / Asphalt Battery ===

=== Battle of the Bunk / Pull the Carpet / Hot Air Buffoon ===

:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]:''' Wait a minute. &lt;big&gt;'''''I DON'T EVEN HAVE A JOB!'''''

=== Basket Bugs / A Skate of Confusion ===

=== Mt. Neverest / Zip Line / Fast and Steady ===

=== Looney Tunes Cartoons Back to School Special ===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[after the dynamite blows up]'' Oh. They blow up so fast! ''[cries a little]'' Oh well. Class dismissed!

== Season 3 ==

=== Sam-Merica / Door Spin / BBQ Bandit ===

{{line}}

{{line}}
:'''Bugs''': What a Christopher Colum-Bust! ''[laughs]''

=== Happy Birdy to You / New Love / Spring Forward, Fall Flat ===

=== Frame the Feline / Boating License / Unlucky Strikes ===

=== Cro-Mag Numb Skulls / Trophy Hunter ===

=== Bathy Daffy / Bullseye Painting / Rabbit Sandwich Maker / Window ===

=== Pardon The Garden / Flat on the Door / Downward Duck ===

{{line}}
:'''Wolf Girl''': My tulips are trashed, my roses are ruined, my daffodils are designated!

=== Lesson Plan 9 from Outer Space / Baboon / Portal Kombat ===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Well. I guess that what happens when you space out during class! ''[laughs]''.

=== Virtual Mortality / Lions / Miner Threat ===

=== Fowl Ploy / Sword Loser ===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': I thought being king was supposed to be easy. What a load of monarchy! ''[laughs]''.

== Season 4 ==
=== Ring Master Disaster / Eyeball / The Pain Event ===

=== Drum Schtick! / Frisbee / Beast A-Birdin' ===

=== Blunder Arrest / Airplane Stairs / Cymbal Minded ===

=== Hook, Line and Stinker! / Everything Pops / Don't Treadmill on Me ===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': ''[as everything in the world pops; walking to Porky angrily]'' Well, you just had to have a balloon, didn't ya?
:'''[[w:Porky Pig|Porky Pig]]''': ''[gasps]'' Oh dear.

=== Stained by Me / Pilgwim's Pwogwess ===

=== Hide Out Hare / An Ordinary Mop ===

=== Booby Prize / Pea Shooter / Porky's Head ===

=== Grand Canyon Canary / Lions / Hole in Dumb ===

=== Funeral for A Fudd / Live Goat ===

=== Practical Jerk! / Bottoms Up ===

{{line}}
:'''Daffy Duck''': It's April 1st, the day of the fools. Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
:'''Porky Pig''': Ha-ha. Really funny, Daffy.

{{line}}
:'''Daffy Duck''': Actually, you're 3 hours late for work!

== Season 5 ==
=== Looney Tunes Cartoons Valentine's Extwavaganza! ===

=== Bugs Bunny's Howl-O-Skreem Spooktacula ===

=== Skyscraper Scrap / Balloon Salesman: Feeling Down / The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea ===

=== Crumb and Get It / Hole Gags 2: Mini Bugs / Construction Obstruction ===

=== Yosemite Samurai / Hole Gags 2: Bees Nest / Dummies in the Dark ===

=== Pain Rent / Nest Effort ===

{{line}}
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Hey, you vagwant duck! I told you, you can't wive there!
:'''Daffy Duck''': And I'm not. I'm renting it out to other ducks. Sorry about this guy, Frank. Great property, terrible neighbors.
:'''Frank''': Terrible neighbors, huh? ''[reveals his muscular appearance]'' I can't live next to terrible neighbors! ''[strikes Elmer through his roof with his fist]'' Now, give me back my security deposit! ''[Daffy hands him back his security deposit]''

=== Feathers of the Bride / Daffy Magician: Pick a Card / Bugs Hole Gags 2: Rattlesnakes ===

=== Poolsode Pest / Put Out the Cat: Inside Out / Bulls-eye Bunny ===

=== Audo Birdy Shop / Daffy Traffic Cop Stop: Phone Booth / Eyes Wide Fudd ===

=== Livin' the Daydream / Duck Hunting Gag: Holograms / Fake It 'Til You Bake It ===

=== Funny Book Bunny / Balloon Salesman: All the Balloons / Kitty Krashers ===

== Season 6 ==
=== Birthday Grifts / Daffy Magician: Vintage Porky / Tub-o-War ===

=== Oregon Fail / Duck Hunting Gag: Duck Call / Life's a Beach ===

=== Pearl of My Dreams / Bugs Hole Gags 2: Down the Drain / Mech-A-Mess ===

=== Boarding Games / Put the Cat Out: Paintings / Winter Hungerland ===

=== Tweet Suite / Daffy Magician: Cut in Half / Desert Menu ===

=== Abducted Bunny / Daffy Psychic: A New Job / Duck Hunting Gag: Decoy / Daffy Magic ===

=== Feline Lucky / Prickly Pair ===

=== Wrong with the Wind / Daffy Magician: Pigs Feet / Moody at the Movies ===

=== Boardwalk Bunny / Duck Hunting Gag: Crossbow / Cat Fished ===

=== Daffy in Wackyland ===

:'''Daffy Duck:''' “Wackyland”, huh? Sure lives up to its name…

==Shorts==

===High Hopes===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Sylvester the Cat|Sylvester]]''': Sometimes, you just have to throw in the towel.

===Hole Lotta Trouble===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Now, that's what I call a [[w:Bear|bear]] bottom.

===Happy Birthday, Bugs Bunny!===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Happy Birthday, chump! Woo-hoo!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[as [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer]] presented him with a birthday cake, unaware that it has sticks of dynamite]'' Aww. For me, doc? You shouldn't have! ''[blows the birthday cake on [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer]] and the dynamite blows up in his face]'' Really. He shouldn't have. ''[ [[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]] puts out the lit candle with his fingers as the short iris out]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated television series reboots]]
[[Category:Looney Tunes]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:HBO Max shows]]
[[Category:Max shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network shows]]
[[Category:Teletoon shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about Leporidae]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about ducks]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about pigs]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about cats]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about birds]]
[[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3963131</id>
      <parentid>3963130</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T16:28:13Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Quinlan83</username>
        <id>3059612</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>Reverted edit by [[Special:Contributions/~2026-39246-93|~2026-39246-93]] ([[User talk:~2026-39246-93|talk]]) to last version by ~2026-34356-19</comment>
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      <text bytes="20446" sha1="nb8br4x6mn1tf34glg5hpvgto6c2gw2" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Looney Tunes Cartoons|Looney Tunes Cartoons]]''''' is an American [[w:Animated series|animated]] [[w:Streaming television|streaming television]] series developed by [[w:Peter Browngardt|Peter Browngardt]] and produced by [[w:Warner Bros. Animation|Warner Bros. Animation]], based on the characters from ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' and ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]''. The series made its worldwide debut at the [[w:Annecy International Animated Film Festival|Annecy International Animated Film Festival]] on June 10, 2019, and premiered on [[w:HBO Max|HBO Max]] on May 27, 2020.

==Season 1==

===Curse of the Monkeybird / Deflating Planet / Harm Wrestling [1.01]===
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': I've been bitten by a snake! You have to suck up the poison!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Eh, confidentially Folks, this ain't my first rodeo! ''[holds up a certificate]''

===Big League Beast / Mini Elmer / Firehouse Frenzy [1.02]===
:'''Ainara''': (She whistled while cleaning a Spider and then singing with clean this mess the bath, she goes down)

===Boo! Appetweet / Plunger / Bubble Dum [1.03]===

: '''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Ooh. Street gum. My Favorite fruit.

===Pain in the Ice / Tunnel Vision / Pool Bunny [1.04]===
:'''[[w:Granny (Looney Tunes)|Granny]]''': ''[to [[w:Tweety|Tweety]]]'' Have fun, Tweety!
:'''[[w:Tweety|Tweety]]''': ''[breaking the [[w:Fourth wall|fourth wall]]]'' I always have fun when Gwanny's not awound. ''[eyebrow waggle]''

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Tweety|Tweety]]''': ''[as he watches [[w:Sylvester the Cat|Sylvester]] get attack by the [[w:Polar bear|polar bear]]]'' Bye-bye, puddy! It was ice knowing ya!

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': I'm sure this nice homeowner won't mind sharing his pool with the local wildlife.
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': If there's one thing I have zero tolerance for, it's shawing my pool with the wocal wildwife!

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Of course, you realize, this means... You know.
(When Elmer is like a fine ready the pool, she's Whistling while walking in the door)
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Hey, 4.3! Not bad.

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[coughing; weakened]'' It's all over for me, Doc.
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': I'm so sorry, Mr. Wabbit!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[coughing; weakened]'' Can I just make one last request before I go?
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': Anything, Mr. Wabbit. Anything at all.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[weakened]'' Can I call my wife and say goodbye?
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': Sure.

===Pest Coaster / Rhino ya Don't! [1.05]===
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Hello, [[w:Democratic Republic of the Congo|Democratic Republic of Congo]]? Maybe I should've turned right at [[w:Luxembourg|Luxembourg]]. Say, what kind of place is this anyway. ''[A brochure hits him]'' Amusement Park, third or fourth happiest place on earth. Give or take. Hey, a rabbit could get used to a place like this. Especially, since I tunneled right past the admission booth.

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]]''': I despise me some animals, but I would never hurt an innocent little baby. [[w:Fourth Wall|I'll even prove it to you!]]

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': That's what you get for messing with my baby! Ain't that right, junior. ''[as it turns out, the baby was a pull-string toy]''
:'''Baby Toy''': ''[giggles]'' I want candy!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Oh. They grow up so fast!

===Buzzard School / Giant Alien Mouth / Wet Cement [1.06] ===
:'''Mama Buzzard''': Very Good. Now, go out fetch your mama a nice juicy rabbit for dinner. ''[screams to beaky]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU DO!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': Gosh, you better i make my ma proud of me and catch a rabbit. ''[Bugs bunny humming a tune with clean out for sold, reaching for the scamp with beep, for the carrot juice of done]''
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Aha! Jackpot! Just what I needed! Now all I need is a can opener. ''[Beaky Buzzard fall it void of Bugs Bunny like it this storm]'' Ah, there's one. How convenient.

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': So, tell me, Doc, when you find this, uh, rabbit, what are you going to do with it?
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': Naw, naw, no, I can't say it. No, no, nope.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Ah, come on! Tell me.
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': Naw, naw, naw, it's too gruesome. Too gruesome. No, no, no.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': I'm genuinely curious. Please!
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': Well, uh, I shouldn't tell you but if I could, I'd say... ''[shouts to bugs]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''I AM GONNA CATCH HIM AND MAUL HIM AND BEAT HIM AND SKIN HIM AND GRIND HIM UP AND MAKE HIM INTO RABBIT MEATBALLS!'''''&lt;/big&gt; But I am not going to tell y'all. Oh, no, no, no Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Uh, listen, Doc, I don't mean to toot my own horn but, uh, I'm an expert at catching rabbits.

{{line}}
:''[Beaky follows Bugs to the train tracks near the tunnel]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Now, do you see any tracks?
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': [excitedly] Oh, uh, uh, I found them. I found tracks. Yup, yup, I found them.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Good job, kiddo. Now, follow them and you'll find that rabbit.
:'''Beaky''': I hear something.
:'''Bugs''': What's it sound like?
:'''Beaky''': Well, it kind of sounds like a tra--
:''[train tooting and hits beaky but he starts to crawl outside of the tunnel]''
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': [groggy] Whoa, wait a minute. I don't think that was a rabbit at all. ''[realizes the train tracks]'' I think that was a '''''TRAIN!''''' &lt;big&gt;'''''WERE YOU TRYING TO TRICK ME?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Trick ya? Nah. Nah. I wasn't trying to trick ya! I was uh, &quot;training&quot; ya!
:'''Beaky Buzzard''': Oh, really? Makes perfect sense to me.

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[after the dynamite blows up]'' Oh. They blow up so fast! ''[cries a little]'' Oh well. Class dismissed!

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': I am one stuck duck!

===Siberian Sam / Fishing Pole / Fleece &amp; Desist / Mirror/Split Screen Marvin [1.07]===
:'''[[w:Ralph Wolf and Sam Sheepdog|Ralph Wolf]]''': So, do anything this weekend, Sam?
:'''Sam Sheepdog''': Oh, not much I'm afraid, Ralph.
:'''Ralph Wolf''': Well, no news is good news, I always say.

===Grilled Rabbit / Cactus if you Can / Shower Shuffle [1.08] ===
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': &lt;big&gt;'''''WHERE ARE THE CARROTS AT YOUR FILTHY ANIMAL?!?! NOW I AM THE BAD COP SEE!?'''''&lt;/big&gt;

===Overdue Duck / Bees / Vincent van Fudd [1.09] ===
:'''[[w:Porky Pig|Porky Pig]]''': ''[frustrated after [[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy]] breaks a drum over his head]'' Tha-th-th-tha- ''[shouts with fury]'' &lt;big&gt;'''THAT'S IT!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;

===Hare Restoration / TNT Trouble / Plumber's Quack [1.10]===

===Bugs Bunny's 24-Carrot Holiday Special [1.11]===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[hacking coughs]'' Sorry! Allergies are acting up! Thanks for stopping by and happy holidays!

===Daffucino / Moving Hole / Kitty Livin [1.12]===

===Chain Gang(sters) / Sylvester Car Jack Lift / Falling for It! [1.13] ===
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': The rocket fuel ''really'' brings out the flavor.

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Rocky and Mugsy|Mugsy]]''': ''[with multiple eyes]'' Dah, I don't feel so good, boss.
:'''[[w:Rocky and Mugsy|Rocky]]''': ''[smacks Mugsy with a tentacled arm]'' &lt;big&gt;'''SHADDUP!'''&lt;/big&gt;

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': ''[as he and Porky are falling to their demise after finding out that they have no parachutes in their packs]'' Hey, wait a minute! What are we so worried about? After all, we're cats and cats always land on their feet. Not to mention their nine lives.
:'''[[w:Porky Pig|Porky Pig]]''': W-we're not cats!
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Says who?
:'''[[w:Porky Pig|Porky Pig]]''': D-D-Daffy Duck, P-P-Porky Pig! &lt;big&gt;'''''IT'S IN OUR NAMES!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Oh boy...

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Porky Pig|Porky Pig]]''': ''[pops out of the drum, mimicking the original 1930s to 1940s ending, looking the worse for wear from that plane crash, coughing, choked with smoke]'' T-T-T-T-That's All Folks!

===Taziator / Little Martian / Climate Control [1.14]===

===Lepreconned / Flag Won’t Stay Straight / Brave New Home [1.15]===

===The Case of Porky’s Pants / Fully Vetted [1.16]===
:'''[[w:Tweety|Tweety]]''': Oh, there you are, puddy tat. Did they fix you up weal good?
:'''[[w:Sylvester the Cat|Sylvester]]''': ''[last words before he commits suicide; in a high-pitched voice]''  Yeah. They fixed me, all right...

===Erabbitcator / Planet Split in 2 / Salesduck [1.17]===

===Pitcher Porky / Cherry Picker / Duck Duck Boom! [1.18]===

===Postalgeist / Anvil / Fudds Bunny [1.19]===

===Shoe Shine-nanigans / Multiply and Conquer / Parky Pig [1.20]===
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': ''[snaps his fingers at Daffy]'' Hey, shoeshine boy!
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Oh. A wealthy patron. Did your spaz spit shine, sir?
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': No. I need my hair cut. Of ''course'' I need my shoeshined, you wucking class woser! I need my woafers prim and pwoper fast!
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Well. You've come to the right place, my good man!

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]''': 25 cents. That's highway wobbery! ''[checks his pockets, but has no coins]'' Oh dear! I must've left my wallet in my other twousers. Oh well. I guess the best thing to walk off-wy. ''[laughs as he walks away, but, gets run over by a bus, losing his shoes in the process]''
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Yeesh! I guess that's what you get for being sole-less.

===Shell Shocked / The Daffy Dentist [1.21]===

===Puma Problems / Bowling Ball / Duplicate Daffy [1.22]===

===Key-Tastrophe / Hammer the Rabbit Hole / A Devil Of A Drink [1.23]===

{{line}}
:'''Tazmanian Devil:''' On bright side, Taz not thirsty anymore.

===Weaselin' In / Time Out [1.24]===

===Bounty Bunny / Underwear / Vender Bender [1.25]===
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Ooh! Gorp! ''[eats Gorp, then walks off]''

===Mallard Practice / Mouse / Born To Be Wile E. [1.26]===

===Raging Granny / Famous / Spare Me! [1.27]===

===Marv Attacks! / A Wolf in Cheap Clothing [1.28]===

:'''Marvin''': There we are! ''[noticed Bugs in the green unbreathable bubble]'' Hmm. This must be the last of the earthlings. ''[snaps his fingers which pops the bubbles.]''
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[coughs, trying to regain his breath]'' What's up, doc?
:'''Marvin''': Earth has been conquered by Mars, which means I rule this planet now and all surviving earthlings are now my lifelong servants. That includes you!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Me?! Lifelong servant?! Now, wait just a minute, doc.
:'''Marvin''': You will perform my every bidding or be destroyed.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Now, now, Now! You mean, to tell me you’re gonna make me put up more of all this Martian signage.
:'''Marvin''': Yes! If I so see fit.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': You're gonna have me run all your Martian errands.
:'''Marvin''': That's right!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Ooh. You're gonna make me clean that filthy ray gun of yours?
:'''Marvin''': Yes! And I'll have you do so right now!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Okay. Okay. I got this! A quick polish oughta do the trick. ''[proceeds to clean the ray gun, while unknowningly zapping and injuring Marvin]'' My heavens! When's the last time you cleaned this thing? Geez! There must be ten layers of space dust caked on.
:'''Marvin''': ''[dizzy]'' Okay. I think you got it!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Hmm. Ya think so, but, no. There's still some crud on the liquefy switch.
:'''Marvin''': Wait. Don't touch that! ''[gets zapped and gets liquified]''
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': There we go! Good as new!

===High Speed Hare / Rattle Snake / Nutty Devil [1.29]===

{{line}}
:'''Ainara''': I Think is the sign. Boy, What Will They Think of Next? (She Walking in this cars again, with using by singing her)
:'''Mr. Car''': Hello, sir.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Huh? Who said that?
:'''Mr. Car''': I did, sir.
:'''Ainara''': You Know? I Can't really when see you are so this car.
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[This cartoon was inspired by [[Falling Hare]].]'' Hmm. Says here that these self-driving cars are completely flawless, except they attract Gremlins. Gremlins love to damage, smash, wreck and generally mutilate auto-mo-bil-es of a futuristic nature. ''[laughs]'' Gremlins! What a load of baloney! What a bunch of horse eggs! ''[to the Gremlin]'' Can you believe that, guy. ''[he and the Gremlin laugh]'' I'd tell ya, people would believe in all kinds of turkey trash!

===Pigture Perfect / Grappling Hook / Swoop de Doo [1.30]===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Petunia Pig|Petunia Pig]]''': ''[falls from a telephone wire and lands on a branch just above a sharp rake]'' It could have been worse! ''[gets catapulted straight back up into the sky]'' You'll never see a rainbow if you're looking down! 
:''[Petunia snaps the telephone wire and gets electrocuted and falls back down, hits the same branch, which now brakes and drops her on the rake]''

{{line}}
:''[Wile E. Coyote gets set on fire, to the point of being burnt badly. The Road Runner holds up a sign saying '''&quot;SICK BURN!&quot;''' Suddenly a truck carrying lemon juice and other truck carrying salt head straight towards Wile E.]''
:'''[[w:Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner|Road Runner]]''': Meep meep! ''[runs off]''
:''[Realizing his fate, Wile E. sheds a single tear as the screen fades to black and a loud '''&quot;CRASH&quot;''' is heard]''

===A Pane to Wash / High Wire / Saddle Sore [1.31]===

==Season 2==
=== Red, White and Bruised / Rabbit / Jet Porkpelled ===

=== Mummy Dummy / Shrinking Telephone Pole / In The Road Again ===

=== Emotional Support Duck / Tennis / Adopt Me ===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]:''' We get to be in a movie?

=== Rage Rover / To Hive and to Hold / Battle Stations ===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Ain't I a stinker?

=== Bone Head / Relax ===

{{line}}
:'''Russian Dog:''' This shouldn't even happen to a dog.

=== Rotund Rabbit / Hog Wash ===

:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Ooh. PG-13.

=== Nip and Duck / Circular Fan / Asphalt Battery ===

=== Battle of the Bunk / Pull the Carpet / Hot Air Buffoon ===

:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]:''' Wait a minute. &lt;big&gt;'''''I DON'T EVEN HAVE A JOB!'''''

=== Basket Bugs / A Skate of Confusion ===

=== Mt. Neverest / Zip Line / Fast and Steady ===

=== Looney Tunes Cartoons Back to School Special ===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[after the dynamite blows up]'' Oh. They blow up so fast! ''[cries a little]'' Oh well. Class dismissed!

== Season 3 ==

=== Sam-Merica / Door Spin / BBQ Bandit ===

{{line}}

{{line}}
:'''Bugs''': What a Christopher Colum-Bust! ''[laughs]''

=== Happy Birdy to You / New Love / Spring Forward, Fall Flat ===

=== Frame the Feline / Boating License / Unlucky Strikes ===

=== Cro-Mag Numb Skulls / Trophy Hunter ===

=== Bathy Daffy / Bullseye Painting / Rabbit Sandwich Maker / Window ===

=== Pardon The Garden / Flat on the Door / Downward Duck ===

{{line}}
:'''Wolf Girl''': My tulips are trashed, my roses are ruined, my daffodils are designated!

=== Lesson Plan 9 from Outer Space / Baboon / Portal Kombat ===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Well. I guess that what happens when you space out during class! ''[laughs]''.

=== Virtual Mortality / Lions / Miner Threat ===

=== Fowl Ploy / Sword Loser ===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': I thought being king was supposed to be easy. What a load of monarchy! ''[laughs]''.

== Season 4 ==
=== Ring Master Disaster / Eyeball / The Pain Event ===

=== Drum Schtick! / Frisbee / Beast A-Birdin' ===

=== Blunder Arrest / Airplane Stairs / Cymbal Minded ===

=== Hook, Line and Stinker! / Everything Pops / Don't Treadmill on Me ===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': ''[as everything in the world pops; walking to Porky angrily]'' Well, you just had to have a balloon, didn't ya?
:'''[[w:Porky Pig|Porky Pig]]''': ''[gasps]'' Oh dear.

=== Stained by Me / Pilgwim's Pwogwess ===

=== Hide Out Hare / An Ordinary Mop ===

=== Booby Prize / Pea Shooter / Porky's Head ===

=== Grand Canyon Canary / Lions / Hole in Dumb ===

=== Funeral for A Fudd / Live Goat ===

=== Practical Jerk! / Bottoms Up ===

{{line}}
:'''Daffy Duck''': It's April 1st, the day of the fools. Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
:'''Porky Pig''': Ha-ha. Really funny, Daffy.

{{line}}
:'''Daffy Duck''': Actually, you're 3 hours late for work!

== Season 5 ==
=== Looney Tunes Cartoons Valentine's Extwavaganza! ===

=== Bugs Bunny's Howl-O-Skreem Spooktacula ===

=== Skyscraper Scrap / Balloon Salesman: Feeling Down / The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea ===

=== Crumb and Get It / Hole Gags 2: Mini Bugs / Construction Obstruction ===

=== Yosemite Samurai / Hole Gags 2: Bees Nest / Dummies in the Dark ===

=== Pain Rent / Nest Effort ===

{{line}}
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Hey, you vagwant duck! I told you, you can't wive there!
:'''Daffy Duck''': And I'm not. I'm renting it out to other ducks. Sorry about this guy, Frank. Great property, terrible neighbors.
:'''Frank''': Terrible neighbors, huh? ''[reveals his muscular appearance]'' I can't live next to terrible neighbors! ''[strikes Elmer through his roof with his fist]'' Now, give me back my security deposit! ''[Daffy hands him back his security deposit]''

=== Feathers of the Bride / Daffy Magician: Pick a Card / Bugs Hole Gags 2: Rattlesnakes ===

=== Poolsode Pest / Put Out the Cat: Inside Out / Bulls-eye Bunny ===

=== Audo Birdy Shop / Daffy Traffic Cop Stop: Phone Booth / Eyes Wide Fudd ===

=== Livin' the Daydream / Duck Hunting Gag: Holograms / Fake It 'Til You Bake It ===

=== Funny Book Bunny / Balloon Salesman: All the Balloons / Kitty Krashers ===

== Season 6 ==
=== Birthday Grifts / Daffy Magician: Vintage Porky / Tub-o-War ===

=== Oregon Fail / Duck Hunting Gag: Duck Call / Life's a Beach ===

=== Pearl of My Dreams / Bugs Hole Gags 2: Down the Drain / Mech-A-Mess ===

=== Boarding Games / Put the Cat Out: Paintings / Winter Hungerland ===

=== Tweet Suite / Daffy Magician: Cut in Half / Desert Menu ===

=== Abducted Bunny / Daffy Psychic: A New Job / Duck Hunting Gag: Decoy / Daffy Magic ===

=== Feline Lucky / Prickly Pair ===

=== Wrong with the Wind / Daffy Magician: Pigs Feet / Moody at the Movies ===

=== Boardwalk Bunny / Duck Hunting Gag: Crossbow / Cat Fished ===

=== Daffy in Wackyland ===

:'''Daffy Duck:''' “Wackyland”, huh? Sure lives up to its name…

==Shorts==

===High Hopes===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Sylvester the Cat|Sylvester]]''': Sometimes, you just have to throw in the towel.

===Hole Lotta Trouble===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': Now, that's what I call a [[w:Bear|bear]] bottom.

===Happy Birthday, Bugs Bunny!===

{{line}}
:'''[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]''': Happy Birthday, chump! Woo-hoo!
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': ''[as [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer]] presented him with a birthday cake, unaware that it has sticks of dynamite]'' Aww. For me, doc? You shouldn't have! ''[blows the birthday cake on [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer]] and the dynamite blows up in his face]'' Really. He shouldn't have. ''[ [[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]] puts out the lit candle with his fingers as the short iris out]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated television series reboots]]
[[Category:Looney Tunes]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:HBO Max shows]]
[[Category:Max shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network shows]]
[[Category:Teletoon shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about Leporidae]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about ducks]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about pigs]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about cats]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about birds]]
[[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Tweenies</title>
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'''''[[w:Tweenies|Tweenies]]''''' is a British live action puppet children's television series created by Will Brenton and Iain Lauchlan and produced by Tell-Tale Productions for the BBC. The programme was focused on four preschool-aged characters, known as the &quot;Tweenies&quot;; Jake, Fizz, Milo &amp; Bella, whilst playing, singing, dancing and learning in a fictional playgroup in England. They are cared for by two adult Tweenies; Judy &amp; Max and his dog; Doodles, and later another dog, Izzles who belongs to Judy.

==Series 1 (1999-2000)==

===Colours [1.18]===
:'''Judy:''' Hey, that was great! Can I try now?
:'''Doodles:''' Uh-oh...

==Series 2 (2000-2001)==

===A Walk in the Country [2.32]===
:'''Max''': (singing) There is so much to see in the country, there is. Oh, so much more than the town, there are fields, there are trees, there.

==Series 3 (2001-2002)==

===Clock Shock [3.115]===
''[Title picture is shown depicting Max trying to figure out how to repair the Tweenie Clock by reading its instruction manual]''

:'''Max''' (offscreen): Clock Shock!

''[Title picture fades out in a circular animation, Max is then seen next to the Tweenie Clock, he presses it and it springs into life]''

:'''Max''': Tweenie Clock, where will it stop?

''[The Tweenie Clock sequence then plays,  however, it incorrectly stops at Messy Time, The Tweenies are then shown all confused]''

:'''Tweenies''' (confused): Messy Time?!

:'''Jake''': Hang on, that's not right, is it?

:'''Bella''': No, it can't be Messy Time yet.

:'''Fizz''': But we always have Song Time first.

:'''Milo''': Yeah, yeah, yeah! Try it again, Max.

:'''Jake''': Yeah.

''[Max is then shown, again next to the Tweenie Clock]''

:'''Max''': Oh, OK, Milo! Alright.

''[He then presses the Tweenie Clock again and it springs into life again]''

:'''Max''': Tweenie Clock, where will it stop?

''[The Tweenie Clock sequence then plays, this time, it correctly stops at Song Time]''

:'''Tweenies''': Song Time!

''[The rock rendition of Hickory Dickory Dock then plays]''

:'''Bella''': It's Hickory Dickory Dock!

:'''Jake''': Let's sing!

:'''Milo''': Yay!

:'''Tweenies''' (singing): Hickory dickory dock, The mouse ran up the clock, The clock struck one ('''Bella''': Bong!), The mouse ran down ('''Fizz''': Whee!), Hickory dickory dock.

:'''Milo''': Yay! Come on, let's sing it again!

:'''Jake''': Yeah, you're joining too!

:'''Bella''': And do the actions with us. Ready?

:'''Fizz''': Yeah!

:'''Milo''': Yay!

:'''Tweenies''' (singing): Hickory dickory dock, The mouse ran up the clock, The clock struck one ('''Bella''': Bong!), The mouse ran down ('''Fizz''': Whee!), Hickory dickory dock.

''[The music then stops]''

:'''Jake''': Come on, let's do it again!

:'''Milo''': Yay!

''[Just as the Tweenies about to sing the third time however, the Tweenie Clock strangely presses itself, the Tweenies are taken by surprise and confused, the Tweenie Clock is then shown with no-one next to it, having sprung to life on its own]''

:'''Bella''': Who pressed the clock?

''[The Tweenies are then shown, still confused]''

:'''Fizz''': Max, I suppose.

:'''Milo''': Uhhh

''[The usual Tweenie Clock sequence plays, it stops at Story Time]''

:'''Tweenies''': Story Time!

''[The Story Time animation and jingle then plays, the Tweenies are shown looking for Max]''

:'''Fizz''': Oh! Where is Max then?

:'''Jake''': Maybe he's hiding from us.

:'''Milo''': Yeah, yeah! He's playing a trick on us.

:'''Tweenies''': Max? Max?

''[The Tweenie Clock then presses itself again, this time though, the tune goes from normal to low, realization dawns on the Tweenies, the Tweenie Clock is then shown, again with no-one next to it]''

:'''Fizz''':  The clock's doing it all by itself.

''[The Tweenies are shown, having figured out the situation]''

:'''Bella''': It dosen't sound right though.

''[The Tweenie Clock is then shown, the sequence is sped up]''

:'''Milo''': Strange-a-rooney!

:'''Jake''': Yeah!

''[On cue, the Tweenie Clock flashes all five lights, indicating Surprise Time]''

:'''Tweenies''' (confused):  Surprise Time?!

''[The Surprise Time animation and jingle then plays, although the jingle speeds up on the 8th note, Max then comes out of the curtain and automatically assumes some-one had deliberately pressed the clock two times]''

:'''Max''' (pissed): HEY! Who's messing about with the clock? You know it'll break if you keep pressing it.

''[The Tweenies then come up to Max and explain the situation to him]''

:'''Bella''': It's not us, Max.

:'''Max''': Eh?

:'''Fizz''': It keeps starting all by itself.

''[Max realizes what the Tweenies meant]''

:'''Max''': Oh!

:'''Jake''': What's wrong with it, Max?

''[Just as Milo is about to speak, the Tweenie Clock once again presses itself, the tune is completely sped up, the Tweenie Clock is  then shown, once again with no-one next to it, the speed is completely sped up]''

:'''Tweenies''': '''OH, NO!!!!!!'''

:'''Milo''': Tweenie Clock, it just won't stop!!!!

''[The Tweenie Clock is then shown, sparks immediately start coming out of it]''

:'''Jake''': I don't like it!

''[Jake then cowardly holds Max's arm, the Tweenie Clock is then shown with more sparks coming out of it, at this point however, the speed is at its peak, the Tweenies are shown bracing, the Tweenie Clock is then shown again, with the last sparks coming out of it, it then explodes]''

:'''Tweenies''': '''OH, NOOOO!!!!'''

:'''Milo''': COOL!!!!

:'''Jake''': Is it broked?

''[The Tweenie Clock is then shown with smoke coming out]''

:'''Max''':  I'm afraid so Jake, yeah. It must have, uh, yeah, it must have blown a fuse that's it, yes. (springs into action) Not a worry, I'll just get me tool kit. I'll have it fixed in no time. (reminding) Now stay away from it now won't you yes?

:'''Tweenies''': Yes, Max.

:'''Max''': Right!

:'''Judy''' (offscreen): I'm back!

:'''Tweenies''': JUDY!

''[Judy had come back from walking Doodles and Izzles, The Tweenies come up to Judy and explain the situation to her.]''

:'''Bella''': Judy, something awful happened.

:'''Judy''': Huh?

:'''Fizz''': The clock's broken, Judy.

:'''Judy''': Oh, no!

:'''Milo''': Yeah, it kept going off all by itself, and then it blew up.

:'''Judy''': Oh, nooo!

:'''Jake''': Max is going to get his toolkit, Judy.

:'''Judy''': Oh, noo!

''[Max then appears with his toolkit]''

:'''Max''': Hello, Judy.

:'''Judy''': Hello, Max.

:'''Max''': Heard about any excitement have you?

:'''Judy''': I have indeed, Max.

''[Doodles and Izzles had both obviously missed the Tweenie Clock explosion]''

:'''Doodles''': Well, seem like we missed all the fusses.

:'''Izzles''': Yeah, I'd like to see the clock blow up.

:'''Milo''': Wuuh, it was amazing Izzles, it went bing-a-ling-a-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-baaaaang!

''[Izzles then barks]''

:'''Max''': Now, I'll just switch it off at the back (switches off the Tweenie Clock at the back) don't worry, I'll soon get this sorted out, should only take a few minutes.

:'''Judy''': Uhhh, few minutes is it? Uhh, I'm afraid it's going to take a bit longer than that.

:'''Fizz''': What should we do, Judy?

:'''Judy''': Uhhh. Tell you what, let's go make something, shall we, while we're waiting for Max.

==Voice cast==

* Sally Preisig/Emma Weaver as Bella (1999-2000; 2000-2002)
* [[w:Bob Golding|Bob Golding]] as Milo 
* Colleen Daley as Fizz
* [[w:Justin Fletcher|Justin Fletcher]] as Jake


==External links==
*{{wikipedia-inline|Tweenies|''Tweenies''}}

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  <page>
    <title>Augustine Obiora Akubeze</title>
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      <text bytes="950" sha1="ppjqx91d6jbmrcgps27nfnjezby5mpy" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Augustine Obiora Akubeze|Augustine Obiora Akubeze]]''' ([[25 August]] [[1956]] – [[9 July]] [[2026]]) was a Nigerian prelate of the Roman Catholic Church who served as archbishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Benin City|Archdiocese of Benin City]].

== Quotes ==  
*Justice and peace go together. Anyone who wants genuine peace must work for justice. For peace and security to reign in Nigeria, there must be political justice, religious justice, ethnic justice, economic justice, judicial justice—justice for everyone.
**[https://www.churchinneed.org/nigerian-government-is-not-doing-enough-to-protect-christians-and-muslims/ Nigerian government is ‘not doing enough to protect Christians and Muslims’] (February 10, 2020)

== External links== 
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  <page>
    <title>Tim Walz</title>
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      <comment>/* Quotes about Walz */</comment>
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      <text bytes="120034" sha1="2kti731arg7vskvvxkjwp1hje5f200a" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Tim Walz official photo (cropped 2).jpg|thumb|Look, I know [[guns]]. I’m a veteran. I’m a hunter. And I was a better shot than most Republicans in Congress, and I’ve got the trophies to prove it. But I’m also a dad. I believe in the [[Second Amendment]], but I also believe our first responsibility is to keep our kids safe.]]

'''[[w:Tim Walz|Timothy James Walz]]''' (born April 6, 1964) is an American politician, [[w:Veteran|veteran]], and former educator serving as the [[w:List of governors of Minnesota|41st]] [[w:Governor of Minnesota|governor of Minnesota]] since 2019. A member of the [[w:Minnesota Democratic–Farmer–Labor Party|Democratic–Farmer–Labor Party]] (DFL), he was [[Kamala Harris]]' running mate and the Democratic nominee for [[w:Vice President of the United States|vice president]] in the [[2024 United States presidential election]].

Walz initially sought a third term as Governor of Minnesota but withdrew his bid in January 2026 amidst pressure from the second Trump administration, and accusations of childcare fraud in Minnesota during his tenure as Governor.

==Quotes==
[[File:20220506 - 24 - Albany, New York - ♥.jpg|thumb|To my mother, Darlene Walz. Thank you. Thank you for everything you have done for me and showing me what strength looks like. I love you, Mom.]]
[[File:MN ARNG Flag.jpg|thumb|As a small town boy turned soldier, football coach and high school teacher, never did I envision standing before you today as Minnesota’s 41st Governor—and neither, I am sure, did you. The inaugural ceremony is a public acceptance of our legal—and moral—responsibility to this great state. A clear recognition of the privilege we’ve been given by the people of Minnesota to do our best to further our state’s magnificent legacy.]]
[[File:Seal of Minnesota.svg|thumb|To those of you who voted for me, thank you for your trust. For Minnesotans who voted for someone else—like the gentleman who came out to a listening session on a Friday night in Fergus Falls to tell me he didn’t vote for me, but doesn’t want to see me fail—I’ll work hard to earn your trust as your governor.]]
[[File:Bear Head Lake State Park - Summer Afternoon (36243044145).jpg|thumb|Old ways of doing things must be updated. New solutions must be found for new problems. We must continue to aim higher, reach further, and build brighter futures for the people of our state.]]
[[File:African American Family Preservation Act Signing in Minnesota on July 10, 2024 - 5.jpg|thumb|To all who have been elected to serve: Be the decent, dedicated, and diverse leaders you were elected to be. Be the ally, and the role model, and the change maker your constituents need you to be.&lt;br&gt;Work pragmatically. Work with someone you never thought you could to accomplish something you never thought possible.]]
[[File:Harris-Walz Let's win this.svg|thumb|You know, when I was teaching, every year we’d elect a student body president. And you know what? Those [[teenagers]] could teach Donald Trump a hell of a lot about what a leader is. Leaders don’t spend all day insulting people and blaming others. [[Leadership|Leaders do the work.]]]]
[[File:Kamala Harris &amp; Tim Walz - 53915738289.jpg|thumb|[[Freedom]]. When Republicans use the word freedom, they mean that the government should be free to invade your doctor’s office. Corporations — free to pollute your air and water. And banks — free to take advantage of customers. But when we Democrats talk about freedom, we mean the freedom to make a better life for yourself and the people that you [[love]]. Freedom to make your own health care decisions. And yeah, your kids’ freedom to go to school without worrying about being shot dead in the hall.]]
[[File:2021 storming of the United States Capitol DSC09254-2 (50820534063) (retouched).jpg|thumb|Violent crime was up under Donald Trump. And that’s not even counting the crimes he committed.]]
[[File:2009-05-16 Main office lobby at Hampton Forest Apartments.jpg|thumb|I can't wait to debate [[J.D. Vance|the guy]]–that is if he's willing to get off the couch and show up.]]

=== 2018 ===
* This is racism, plain and simple, and we need to call it that. 
** On [[Racial views of Donald Trump|Donald Trump's referring to Haiti and African nations as “shithole countries”]], as quoted in John Bowden [http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/368636-lawmakers-rail-against-trump-after-s-hole-comment &quot;Trump's 's---hole' remark sparks bipartisan backlash B&quot;], ''The Hill'', 11 January 2018

=== 2019 ===
==== First inaugural address as Governor of Minnesota (7 January 2019) ====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://mn.gov/governor/newsroom/press-releases/?id=1055-557499#/detail/appId/1/id/364496 First inaugural address as 41st Governor of Minnesota in St. Paul, MN]&lt;/small&gt;

* '''As a small town boy turned soldier, football coach and high school teacher, never did I envision standing before you today as Minnesota’s 41st Governor—and neither, I am sure, did you. The inaugural ceremony is a public acceptance of our legal—and moral—responsibility to this great state. A clear recognition of the privilege we’ve been given by the people of Minnesota to do our best to further our state’s magnificent legacy.'''&lt;br&gt;'''To those of you who voted for me, thank you for your trust. For Minnesotans who voted for someone else—like the gentleman who came out to a listening session on a Friday night in Fergus Falls to tell me he didn’t vote for me, but doesn’t want to see me fail—I’ll work hard to earn your trust as your governor.'''
* You know what they say, behind every governor is an astonished mother-in-law.&lt;br&gt;'''To my mother, Darlene Walz. Thank you. Thank you for everything you have done for me and showing me what strength looks like. I love you, Mom.'''&lt;br&gt;Finally, to those who walked into this theater with me—teachers of mine, teachers I have worked with, students I have taught, and all other educators in the room—please stand as we thank you.&lt;br&gt;Thirty-six years ago, Governor Rudy Perpich also asked the teachers in the room to rise during his swearing-in at Hibbing High School. I’m honored to recognize our educators again today.
* '''We find ourselves at a time when economic, social, racial, and geographic division feels rampant. I will not normalize behavior that seeks to deepen and exploit these divides. I will not normalize policies that are not normal—ones that undermine our decency and respect. If Washington won’t lead, Minnesota will.'''
* There is a temptation to see these times as unprecedented, to see our current challenges as insurmountable. As a history teacher, I found it instructive to look back at past inaugural speeches to see how incoming governors portrayed the situations facing them.&lt;br&gt;In 1955, Governor Orville Freeman painted a picture of a society in intense crisis, besieged by the struggle between freedom and totalitarianism raging around the world.&lt;br&gt;In 1971, Governor Wendy Anderson spoke about how health care cost too much—or wasn’t even available. He described a housing shortage in which the average young couple in Minnesota could not dream of buying a home.&lt;br&gt;In 1979, Governor Al Quie expressed concern about discrimination in our state. He urged the legislature to take action to eliminate discrimination in all forms, and to open opportunities for women, people of color, the poor, those with disabilities, and the elderly.&lt;br&gt;In 2011, Governor Mark Dayton described how our education system was failing our students, thus failing our future.&lt;br&gt;It strengthens my resolve to know those who came before me, on whose shoulders I stand, faced difficult challenges, many similar to those we face today.
* My predecessors tackled the problems they faced, and working together with the legislature, they made progress. Because of that progress, our state enjoys one of the best education systems in the country, one of the best health care systems in the country, and perhaps the best quality of life in the country.&lt;br&gt;But we can and must do better. '''Old ways of doing things must be updated. New solutions must be found for new problems. We must continue to aim higher, reach further, and build brighter futures for the people of our state.'''
* Education is the great equalizer of society. Education unleashes untapped potential. Education conjures the magic of promising beginnings and the grace of second chances. Putting a young child on a yellow bus to pre-kindergarten in St. Cloud can prevent him from riding a prison bus to Stillwater.
* There’s no doubt about it: we face some tremendous challenges in the coming years. Our economy is changing. Healthcare costs are soaring. Even the climate is unstable, causing devastating weather events. But we must face these challenges with a quiet confidence that can only be found in Minnesota, with a bipartisan pragmatism, and a humble determination to lead the Bold North.
* As you know, I was a high school coach for many years. I have a high regard for competition on the football field. But governing is not a sporting contest with opposing teams each wanting to defeat the other. It’s not a horse race nor a poker game to see who can best the other. It’s about working together. Working to give everyone a better chance.
* No matter how daunting the challenge; no matter how dark the times; Minnesota has always risen up—by coming together. Our blood saved the Union at Gettysburg. Our iron forged the tanks that liberated Europe. Our farmers sparked a green revolution that fed the world. Our imagination transformed medicine. One Minnesota is who we are. We just need to foster it. Together as One Minnesota, we don’t fear the future. We create it.

=== 2023 ===

* Today, we’re protecting the rights of Minnesotans and making sure our state remains a place where people have the freedom to get the care they need to live their fullest lives. We’re also protecting young and vulnerable Minnesotans from the harmful and discredited practice of conversion therapy. We’re putting up a firewall to ensure Minnesotans have the freedom to make their own health care decisions.
** Remarks on signing Chapter 28, House File 16 (protecting people seeking or providing abortions in Minnesota); Chapter 29, House File 146 (banning the practice of conversion therapy); and the Reproductive Freedom Defense Act (Chapter 31, House File 366, protecting people seeking or providing gender-affirming health care in Minnesota) on 27 April 2023[https://mn.gov/governor/newsroom/press-releases/?id=1055-557499#/detail/appId/1/id/575115]

==== Second inaugural address as Governor of Minnesota (2 January 2023) ====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://mn.gov/governor/newsroom/press-releases/?id=1055-557499 Second inaugural address as 41st Governor of Minnesota in St. Paul, MN]&lt;/small&gt;

* It’s the honor of my life to be your governor, and I am humbled to have the opportunity to do this important work for another four years. I will do my best to serve you well. At this occasion four years ago as I took my oath of office, we had no idea the extraordinary challenges that lay ahead. I believed in you, and you believed in me. Together, we emerged from those historic challenges a better state – and today, we are faced with historic opportunity.
* To members of the state and federal judicial branches, thank you for being here and for your service to our state and nation. I would like to congratulate my fellow constitutional officers – It’s an honor to work with each of you. To my staff and my cabinet, thank you for your tireless work. I’m forever grateful.
* Gwen, my wife, and Minnesota’s First Lady – we began our journey together with a commitment to service... who would have guessed... Our partnership keeps me honest, grounded, and true to our shared values and vision for the world we want to create for our children, our nieces, and nephews. I’m grateful for your sage advice, your acumen, your proof reading, and your never-ending attention to detail. Thank you for sharing your family—Val, Lynn, your sisters and brothers-in-law—with me. I can’t wait to continue building our exciting life together.&lt;br&gt;Hope and Gus, I’m proud to be your dad. I love you both. It must be difficult to have me as your dad – for so many reasons – especially over the last four years. I respect your maturity, your intellect, your humor, compassion, and generosity. Thank you for sharing our family with the people of Minnesota. I know you both will continue to make a positive impact on the lives of others by defining service in your own way.
* And to my mom, Darlene, who is with us today. When dad died, you worked tirelessly to keep us together. My dad — a Korean War era vet, an educator, and a cigarette smoker — died of lung cancer when I was a teenager, and my family struggled enormously to pay his outstanding medical bills. We got by on social security survivor benefits and my mom’s job in a nursing home. Mom, your hard work and courage was a powerful example for me.&lt;br&gt;My mom raised four teachers – and three out of four of us married teachers. Education is in our blood. Gwen and I met teaching high school, and we taught together for many years after we were married. We saw firsthand the challenges our students face. While we were in the classroom, coaching football, organizing dances, and directing plays, Gwen and I got to know our students and the obstacles in their lives. It was my experience as a teacher and my passion for education that led me to run for governor.
* My mission as governor is simple: make Minnesota the best state in the country for kids. This is what I have charged my team to do – to make our state the best place to raise a family, and I’m proud to say we have made historic strides.
* But let’s be clear: we have more work to do. Across the country, the pandemic disrupted the lives of our students. And despite the heroic efforts of teachers, students, and parents, many of our kids have fallen behind. We’ve re-doubled our efforts with summer catchup programs but we have more work to do.&lt;br&gt;And to be clear: the burden is not on our children, or even our teachers – it’s on all of us. That’s why in this coming legislative session, we will make the largest investment in public education the state has ever seen. We will pass universal meals to ensure every student is given something to eat and no child has to worry about the color of their lunch ticket. We will fund special education and make sure every young person in Minnesota has the resources they need to succeed. We will put mental health front and center. We’ll work together to stop the stigma and allow young people access to the help they need to reach their full potential. We will ban conversion therapy to ensure that every LGBTQ student knows they are perfect just the way they are. And we will fund programs to recruit and train the next generation of teachers – so a diverse generation of students has an equally diverse generation of teachers.&lt;br&gt;But Investing in our classrooms is only the beginning. Building the best schools in the nation is a good start, but to make Minnesota the best state for kids we need to make sure that kids are thriving in and OUT of the classroom. Children can’t learn if they’re hungry or without a home. We have the opportunity to ensure every child has a safe place to call home and that no child goes hungry. I am committed to ending child poverty in Minnesota.
* Now is the time to be bold and build a bright future for all Minnesotans. Now is the time to deliver.&lt;br&gt;We can lead the nation in ending child poverty and making sure every child receives a world-class education. And in doing so, we will continue to make Minnesota the best place to raise a family. I have a positive vision for the future of our state and it’s rooted in my belief that we’re in this together. I still believe that we’re One Minnesota – not that we are all the same or that we all the agree, but that we can work together across lines of difference to do what’s right, what’s fair, and make our state a better place for all.&lt;br&gt;As I look into this room and see so many newly elected leaders—including the promising faces of our new majorities in both the House and the Senate—I can’t help but feel optimistic. I’m looking at a state legislature—on both sides of the aisle—that looks more like the people of Minnesota than any time in history. This gives me hope. It inspires me. And I look forward to working together – Republicans and Democrats alike.&lt;br&gt;I’ll work with anyone who’s willing to work with me to get things done – because Minnesotans spoke clearly this last election, and they expect all of us to do just that: get things done. The era of gridlock is over. Minnesotans have chosen hope over fear, fact over fiction, and action over excuses. Our path is clear. It’s time to lead.
* '''To all who have been elected to serve: Be the decent, dedicated, and diverse leaders you were elected to be. Be the ally, and the role model, and the change maker your constituents need you to be.'''&lt;br&gt;'''Work pragmatically. Work with someone you never thought you could to accomplish something you never thought possible.'''&lt;br&gt;We are not here to score political points. We are not here for victory laps. We are here to improve lives. We have a moment – and it’s not about which party won or which party is in control; this moment is about our opportunity to work collaboratively and get things done for Minnesotans.&lt;br&gt;This is our opportunity to model what public service and public servants look like. This is our opportunity to make change, to make what was previously impossible possible, and to strengthen faith in government as a force for good. This is our opportunity to restore civility, transparency, and accessibility to the decision-making table for Minnesotans of all ages, races, genders, and zip codes. This is our opportunity to build One Minnesota, and to make our state the best place in the country to live, to work, and to raise a family. This is our opportunity. Let’s get to work.

=== 2024 ===

==== After Joe Biden's withdrawal (21 July 2024) ====

* These are weird people on the other side. They wanna take books away, they wanna be in your exam room. That’s what it comes down to and don’t, you know, get sugar-coating this: these are weird ideas.
** From a [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2024/08/06/vice-president-pick-tim-walz-gop-weird/74685719007/ ''USA Today'' story published when Kamala Harris announced she had chosen Walz as a running mate;] Walz used the &quot;weird&quot; epithet during an MSNBC interview two weeks earlier. (July 23, 2024) 

* Thank you, [[Kamala Harris|Madam Vice-President]], for the [[trust]] we have put in me — but maybe more so, thank you for bringing back the [[joy]]. I am thrilled to be on this journey with you and [[w:Doug Emhoff|Doug]] — this incredible journey. 
** Remarks after being chosen as Vice President nominee by [[Kamala Harris]] · [https://www.c-span.org/video/?537539-1/vice-president-harris-campaigns-running-mate-gov-tim-walz-philadelphia &quot;Vice President Harris Campaigns with Running Mate Gov. Tim Walz in Philadelphia&quot;, ''C-SPAN'' (6 August 2024)]

* '''I can't wait to debate the guy–that is if he's willing to get off the couch and show up.'''
** On [[J.D. Vance]] in August 2024, cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2024/aug/06/kamala-harris-vp-running-mate-election-update?page=with:block-66b28a5f8f089e412f0f34c0 &quot;Kamala Harris and Tim Walz fire up crowd in first rally as Democratic ticket&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (August 6, 2024)

* '''Violent crime was up under Donald Trump. And that’s not even counting the crimes he committed.'''
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4815045-minnesota-gov-tim-walz-vice-president-harris/ &quot;Walz makes Harris ticket debut with pointed attack on Trump&quot;], ''The Hill'' (August 6, 2024)

* I was born in [[w:West Point, Nebraska|a small town in Nebraska]], where community meant everything. . . . At 17, I joined the [[w:Army National Guard|Army National Guard]]. For 24 years, I proudly wore the uniform of this nation. . . . [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cn5rr0rgg3lo I had the privilege of teaching public school social studies and coaching football for 20 years.] . . . I lived in [[w:Minnesota's 1st congressional district|a red district]], but my neighbors . . . [[w:Tim Walz#Congressional tenure|graced me with the opportunity to go to the United States House of Representatives for 12 years to represent them]]. . . . And [https://minnesotareformer.com/2024/08/07/heres-what-tim-walz-has-done-as-governor-of-minnesota/ as governor of the great state of Minnesota,] I brought all that experience . . . to tackling the challenges that were facing our state.
** From Walz’s remarks at [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2024/08/18/remarks-by-vice-president-harris-and-governor-tim-walz-at-a-campaign-event-in-rochester-pa/ a Harris/Walz campaign rally in Eau Claire, Wisconsin.] (August 7, 2024)

* [S]ome of us who have less hair and are old enough can remember when you could go to Thanksgiving . . . and not complain about politics the whole time . . . because you shared a commitment to [[w:Democracy|democracy]], a commitment to [[w:Civil liberties in the United States|personal freedoms]], a commitment to [[w:Education in the United States|public education]], a commitment to [[w:Infrastructure|infrastructure]].
** From Walz’s remarks at [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2024/08/18/remarks-by-vice-president-harris-and-governor-tim-walz-at-a-campaign-event-in-rochester-pa/ a Harris/Walz campaign event in Rochester, Pennsylvania.] (August 18, 2024)

*They spent so much money in his first campaign making [[Al Franken|him]] look like a buffoon ... You're with him for five minutes and you see that's not true.
**  as quoted in [http://www.latimes.com/nation/politics/la-na-franken-profile-20140903-story.html &quot;Al Franken takes Senate job seriously (he's still funny in private)&quot;], ''The Los Angeles Times'', 2 September 2024

* I think we need to push back on this. There's no guarantee to free speech on misinformation or hate speech and especially around our democracy.
** &quot;[https://pdst.fm/e/mgln.ai/track/verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/chrt.fm/track/384D27/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.megaphone.fm/RSV1572112307.mp3 Matt Taibbi on the Global Censorship-Industrial Complex]&quot; (at 16m59s), ''Honestly with Bari Weiss.'', 3 September 2024

* Do you think [[Trump|he]] knows the story behind the [[Gay anthem|YMCA song]]?
** [https://www.c-span.org/video/?c5136924/walz-trumps-fitness-office Walz on Trump's Fitness for Office], [[C-SPAN]] video, 10 October 2024

* Who would have ever thought we'd see [[Bernie Sanders]], [[Dick Cheney]] and [[Taylor Swift]] [all endorsing Kamala Harris]?
** As quoted by [https://www.newsobserver.com/news/politics-government/election/article294020019.html &quot;In NC, Tim Walz and Bill Clinton praise Kamala Harris, contrast her with Trump,&quot;] an article published in the Raleigh, North Carolina newspaper [[w:The News &amp; Observer|''The News &amp; Observer'']]; the article was written by Dawn Baumgartner Vaughan. (October 17, 2024)

* [T]he economy works best when it's fair and focuses on the middle class.
** As quoted by [https://www.newsobserver.com/news/politics-government/election/article294020019.html &quot;In NC, Tim Walz and Bill Clinton praise Kamala Harris, contrast her with Trump,&quot;] an article published in the Raleigh, North Carolina newspaper [[w:The News &amp; Observer|''The News &amp; Observer'']]; the article was written by Dawn Baumgartner Vaughan. (October 17, 2024)

* [https://thehill.com/opinion/campaign/4896565-harris-campaign-fdr-freedoms/ When Kamala talks about freedom] . . . (this is where [https://governors.library.ca.gov/addresses/33-Reagan01.html the party of Reagan should be with it)] {she means} the [[w:Kamala Harris 2024 presidential campaign#Domestic issues|freedom for you to make decisions about your life, not government officials]]. . . . This room should be full of the people who fly the [[w:Don't Tread on Me|&quot;Don't Tread on Me&quot;]] flag cuz . . . we're the ones saying, &quot;Not on our watch! Not on our watch!&quot; . . . [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/08/20/dnc-american-flag-patriotism-usa-democratic-convention/ In Chicago we took back the flag from them,] . . . [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/dnc-night-3-takeaway-highlights/story?id=113045493 we took back freedom] . . . and just for good damn measure [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/political-football-harris-walz-politics-desk-rcna169741 we're taking football back from them too!]
** Segment from a C-SPAN video entitled [https://www.c-span.org/video/?539385-1/governor-tim-walz-campaigns-racine-wisconsin &quot;Governor Tim Walz Campaigns in Racine, Wisconsin: 2024 Democratic vice presidential nominee Governor Tim Walz (MN) spoke at a campaign rally in Racine, Wisconsin, two weeks ahead of Election Day.&quot;] (quote starts at 12:36) (October 22, 2024)

* But I'll have to be honest with you, what struck me everywhere I went -- without exception, people really wanted the same basic things out of an American life. And I wanna be clear, when I say &quot;basic things&quot;, I mean things like meaningful work, safe neighborhoods, good schools, affordable quality healthcare. But I also mean something more. It became clear to me, people want security. And I mean that broadly; they wanna feel like their life is built on a solid foundation that won't collapse under them if the wind blows the wrong way or something happens. People want an opportunity where they feel like they can get ahead, not just settling to get by. And they really are concerned about giving their kids a chance to get ahead. And I think, most of all (and you saw it, in a very deep way), people want freedom. To live their lives the way ''they'' want to live them. It's not the way-- Maybe their neighbors wouldn't want them to live the same way, but the freedom is supposed to be everybody's birthright! Not because of how much money you had, or where your family came from, no matter who you love or how you prayed... or what you think about the issues of the day are.
** From Walz's [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLZhDTMypnI concession remarks in Minnesota] (November 8, 2024)

* '''[If] you're feeling deflated, discouraged today, I get it. Take some time, take care of yourselves, take care of your loved ones, take care of your community! There's a million ways to make a positive difference and get back in this fight when you're ready. And know that, when you're ready to get back in that fight, I'll be standing right here, ready to fight the fight with you.'''
** From Walz's [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLZhDTMypnI concession remarks in Minnesota] (November 8, 2024)

==== Speech at Democratic National Convention (21 August 2024) ====
&lt;small&gt;[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/22/us/politics/tim-walz-dnc-speech-transcript.html &quot;Full Transcript of Tim Walz’s Speech at the Democratic Convention&quot;], ''The New York Times'' (August 22, 2024)&lt;/small&gt;
*Even if we wouldn't make those same choices for ourselves, we've got a golden rule. &lt;b&gt;Mind your own damn business&lt;/b&gt;, [the audience responded with a round of applause] and that includes, IVF [[infertility]] treatments, and this is personal for Gwen and I.
**[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/watch-walz-says-mind-your-own-damn-business-when-it-comes-to-reproductive-freedom Walz says ‘mind your own damn business’ when it comes to reproductive freedom] ''PBS'' (August 22, 2024)

* If you’ve never experienced the hell that is infertility, I guarantee you, you know somebody who has. I can remember praying each night for a phone call. The pit in your stomach when the phone would ring, and the absolute agony when we heard the treatments hadn’t worked.
* '''[[Freedom]]. When Republicans use the word freedom, they mean that the government should be free to invade your doctor’s office. Corporations — free to pollute your air and water. And banks — free to take advantage of customers. But when we Democrats talk about freedom, we mean the freedom to make a better life for yourself and the people that you [[love]]. Freedom to make your own health care decisions. And yeah, your kids’ freedom to go to school without worrying about being shot dead in the hall.''' 
* '''Look, I know [[guns]]. I’m a veteran. I’m a hunter. And I was a better shot than most Republicans in Congress, and I’ve got the trophies to prove it. But I’m also a dad. I believe in the [[Second Amendment]], but I also believe our first responsibility is to keep our kids safe.'''
* '''You know, when I was teaching, every year we’d elect a student body president. And you know what? Those [[teenagers]] could teach Donald Trump a hell of a lot about what a leader is. Leaders don’t spend all day insulting people and blaming others. Leaders do the work.'''
* You know, you might not know it, but I haven’t given a lot of big speeches like this. But I have given a lot of pep talks. So let me finish with this, team. It’s the fourth quarter. We’re down a field goal. But we’re on offense and we’ve got the ball. We’re driving down the field. And boy, do we have the right team.
* Look, we’ve got 76 days. That’s nothing. There’ll be time to sleep when you’re dead. We’re going to leave it on the field. That’s how we’ll keep moving forward. That’s how we’ll turn the page on Donald Trump. That’s how we’ll build a country where workers come first, health care and housing are human rights, and the government stays the hell out of your bedroom. That’s how we make America a place where no child is left hungry. Where no community is left behind. Where nobody gets told they don’t belong. That’s how we’re going to fight.

=== 2026 ===

==== Press briefing on ICE-Related Shooting (7 January 2026) ====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.c-span.org/program/news-conference/minnesota-officials-hold-briefing-on-ice-related-shooting/671319 &quot;Minnesota Officials Hold Briefing on ICE-Related Shooting&quot;, ''C-SPAN'' (7 January 2026)]&lt;/small&gt;

* We've been warning for weeks that the [[Donald Trump|Trump]] administration's [[dangerous]], [[sensationalized]] operations are a threat to our public safety, that someone was going to get hurt. Just yesterday, I said exactly that. What we're seeing is the [[consequences]] of [[governance]] designed to generate [[fear]], headlines, and [[conflict]]. It's governing by reality TV, and today [[w:Killing of Renee Good|that recklessness cost someone]] their [[life]].

* Donald Trump and his administration may not care much about [[Minnesota]]. That's been pretty evident, but we [[love]] this state. We won't let them tear us apart. We'll not turn against each other. To Minnesotans, I say this, I feel your [[anger]]. I'm angry. They want a show. We can't give it to them. We cannot. If you protest and express your First Amendment rights, please do so peacefully as you always do. We can't give them what they want. The hearts and minds of the people in this state are on our side. To Americans, I ask you this. Please stand with Minneapolis. To Minnesotans know that our administration is going to stop at nothing to seek accountability and justice

* &lt;!-- We have activated dozens of members of the state patrol's mobile response team. And from here on, --&gt;I have a very simple message. We do not need any further help from the federal government. &lt;br /&gt; To Donald Trump and [[Kristi Noem]]: you've done enough. &lt;br /&gt; There's nothing more important than Minnesotan safety. I've issued a warning order to prepare the Minnesota National Guard. We have soldiers in training and prepared to be deployed if necessary. I remind you, a warning order is a heads up for folks, and these National Guard troops are our National Guard troops. They're teachers in your community. They're business owners. They're construction professionals. They are Minnesotans. Minnesota will not allow our community to be used as a prop in a national political fight. We will not take the bait. We will continue to update you, Minnesota, as we get more information.

* &lt;!-- This, this was so, so preventable, so unnecessary, and I don't know. --&gt;  I hope maybe we're at the [[Joseph McCarthy|McCarthy]] moment. Do you have no decency? Do you have no decency? We have someone dead. In their car For no reason whatsoever, and And I, I don't, I don't want to be right about this, but I said if they do this they're going to create a chaotic situation where someone innocent's going to get killed, and they did it. And now we hear more political rhetoric. Enough, enough is enough. And so to Minnesotans don't take the bait. Do not take the bait. Do not allow them to deploy federal troops into here. Do not allow them to invoke the Insurrection Act. Do not allow them to declare martial law. Do not allow them to lie about the security and the decency of this state. And let's let this investigation play itself. Let's make sure we protect our neighbors. I encourage you to use your First Amendment rights and all of your constitutional rights, but do so in a peaceful manner. We'll gather back with you as soon as we gather more information that needs to be put out. But again, stay safe, Minnesotans, and we'll be back with you.

==Quotes about Walz==
[[File:Peggy Flanagan and Premier Kinew (cropped).jpg|thumb|It is the honor of a lifetime to serve the people of Minnesota with my friend and favorite coworker, Governor Tim Walz. The Governor asked me last year, if I knew everything that we know now – would I have signed up? My answer was, and is, absolutely. Let’s get back to work. ~ Peggy Flanagan]]
[[File:Kamala Harris Vice Presidential Portrait.jpg|thumb|I am proud to announce that I've asked @Tim_Walz to be my running mate. As [[w:Tim Walz#Governor of Minnesota (2019–present)|a governor]], [[w:Tim Walz#Teaching|a coach, a teacher]], and [[w:Tim Walz#Military service|a veteran]], he's delivered for working families like his. It's great to have him on the team. Now let’s get to work. ~ [[Kamala Harris]]]]
[[File:Football in grass.jpg|thumb|Mr. Walz brought passion every day. He loved to coach. He loved to teach. . . . Tim, he just had a way of not making you feel bad but making you want to do better. ~ Mitch Salsbery]]
[[File:LGBTQ+ rainbow flag Quasar &quot;Progress&quot; variant.svg|thumb|In the years since his tenure heading the GSA, Walz has made supporting LGBTQ+ rights a pillar of his political career, never shying away from it even when it may have helped him win elections to do so. ~ Ariel Messman-Rucker]]
[[File:Homophobia (alt).png|thumb|Walz is now the presidential running mate of current U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris. His resume includes a stint as a high school social studies teacher who sponsored a [[Homophobia|student queer sex club]] in 1999. ~ Joy Pullmann]]
[[File:January 2025 Official Presidential Portrait of Donald J. Trump.jpg|thumb|He'll unleash HELL ON EARTH ~ [[Donald Trump]]]]

* After Vice President Kamala Harris announced Minnesota Governor Tim Walz as her running mate earlier this week, LGBTQ+ voters immediately zeroed in on one particular detail from his lengthy biography: In 1999, while coaching the football team at Mankato High School and working as a social studies teacher, he also served as the faculty advisor for the school’s first-ever gay-straight alliance (GSA).&lt;br&gt;“It really needed to be the football coach, who was the soldier and was straight and was married,” Walz told the Star Tribune in 2018 of the symbolic significance of his decision to advise the group.&lt;br&gt;As any queer person who was in grade school in 1999 can attest, the straight teacher who coached the football team and served in the Army National Guard is perhaps the last person you’d expect to sponsor a GSA. That's exactly why Jacob Reitan, a former student of Walz’s wife Gwen at Mankato High, was so impressed by the couple’s vocal support for LGBTQ+ youth. In an MSNBC interview with NBC News’ Jen Psaki on Wednesday night, Reitan recalled the impact the Walz family had on him in 1997 when he was still in the closet.
** Samantha Allen, [https://www.them.us/story/tim-walz-jacob-reitan-high-school-gsa/&quot;A Former Student Shares Why He Asked Tim Walz to Advise the School’s First GSA&quot;], ''Them'', 8 August 2024

* In 1999, when Reitan came out, Gwen Walz was the third person he told after his close friend and his sister, as he said during his appearance on MSNBC. Reitan subsequently approached Tim Walz to become the advisor for the GSA, and Walz agreed. “Both Tim and Gwen were incredibly supportive of their gay students. They modeled values of inclusivity and respect. That helped not just me — I was bullied in high school — but it also, I think, helped the bully. It helped show the bully a better path forward,” Reitan continued.&lt;br&gt;Reitan went on to have a storied career in LGBTQ+ advocacy before working as a lawyer. In 2006, at age 23, he founded the Soulforce Equality Ride bus tour campaign, which brought LGBTQ+ students to Christian colleges for debates on queer issues. In addition to his work to help repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) policy, which barred U.S. military servicemembers from disclosing their sexual orientation, Reitan joined the Minnesota Governor’s Task Force on the Prevention of School Bullying in 2012, as the Mankato Free Press reported in a 2017 profile on his work. (Them has reached out to Reitan for comment on this story.)&lt;br&gt;In many respects, that history of LGBTQ+ advocacy lines up with Walz’s own: As a United States congressman, Walz opposed DADT, voting to repeal the policy in 2010. Walz also ran for Congress while openly supporting same-sex marriage in 2006.&lt;br&gt;“He’s a remarkable individual,” Reitan told MSNBC.
** Samantha Allen, [https://www.them.us/story/tim-walz-jacob-reitan-high-school-gsa/&quot;A Former Student Shares Why He Asked Tim Walz to Advise the School’s First GSA&quot;], ''Them'', 8 August 2024

* When you look at Tim, you see a Democratic governor delivering results in every community from the [[w:City|cities]] to the [[w:Suburb|suburbs]] to [[w:Rural areas in the United States|rural]] [[w:Town#United States|towns]]. . . . [H]e has worked around the clock to help [[w:American middle class|middle-class]] families get ahead. . . . Tim understands that we don’t govern to move a country or a state [[w:Political ideologies in the United States|to the right or the left]]. Tim won [[w:Tim Walz#U.S. House of Representatives (2007–2019)|his first race]] by recognizing that our job is to move our people forward . . . .
** Kentucky Governor [[w:Andy Beshear|Andy Beshear]] (who was himself vetted as a possible running mate for Kamala Harris), as quoted in [https://www.courier-journal.com/story/News/politics/elections/2024/08/21/dnc-2024-ky-gov-andy-beshear-speaks-at-press-briefing/74886071007/ &quot;WATCH: Andy Beshear speaks on Tim Walz ahead of Day 3 at DNC in Chicago.&quot;] Article written by staff writers at the ''Louisville Courier Journal'', 21 August 2024

* By now it has become clear that the Democrats’ presidential ticket has simply changed out one old lying white guy for another.
** Matt Beebe, [https://thefederalist.com/2024/08/22/if-masculinity-is-bad-why-didnt-tim-walz-admit-he-ran-from-war-and-couldnt-father-a-child/ &quot;If Masculinity Is Bad, Why Didn’t Tim Walz Admit He Ran From War And Couldn’t Father A Child?&quot;], ''The Federalist'', 22 August 2024

* The Trump administration announced it is suspending $129m in federal benefit payments to Minnesota amid allegations of widespread fraud in the state. The secretary of the US Department of Agriculture (USDA), Brooke Rollins, shared a letter on Friday on social media that was addressed to Minnesota’s governor, Tim Walz, and the mayor of Minneapolis, Jacob Frey, notifying them of the administration’s decision and citing investigations into alleged fraud conducted by local non-profits and businesses. “Despite a staggering, wide-reaching fraud scandal, your administrations refuse to provide basic information or take common sense measures to stop fraud. The Trump administration refuses to allow such fraud to continue,” Rollins wrote.&lt;br&gt;Rollins asked Walz and Frey to provide the USDA with justification for all federal spending from 20 January 2025 to the present within 30 days. She is also requiring that all federal payments to the state moving forward require the same justification. “We’re communicating with state partners to understand the impacts of such a blanket cut to funding meant for residents most in need,” Brian Feintech, a spokesperson for the city of Minneapolis, said in a written statement in response to Rollins’s letter.&lt;br&gt;“What’s abundantly clear is that Minneapolis is the latest target of the Trump administration – willing to harm Americans in service to its perceived political gain.”&lt;br&gt;Minnesota’s attorney general, Keith Ellison, publicly responded to Rollins’s post, writing on X: “I will not allow you to take from Minnesotans in need. I’ll see you in court.”
** Sara Braun, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-administration-suspends-129m-in-benefit-payments-to-minnesota/ar-AA1TXw8T?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696288fd8dbf4b68a5639be7125a980c&amp;ei=19/&quot;Trump administration suspends $129m in benefit payments to Minnesota&quot;], ''The Guardian'', 10 January 2026

* The USDA’s announcement coincides with a federal ruling that the Trump administration cannot block federal money for childcare subsidies and other programs aimed at supporting low-income families with children from reaching five Democratic-led states, including Minnesota. The Trump administration has targeted Minnesota over the past year over allegations of fraud, specifically going after the state’s Somali population. Federal prosecutors estimate as much as $9bn has been stolen across schemes allegedly linked to the state’s Somali population. Trump ended legal protections for Somali immigrants in the state in November 2025, claiming that “Somali gangs are terrorizing the people of that great State, and BILLIONS of Dollars are missing. Send them back to where they came from.”&lt;br&gt;Shortly thereafter, Trump went off on both Somalis and Ilhan Omar, the Minnesota congressional representative who is from Somalia and is a US citizen, in a xenophobic rant during a cabinet meeting. “They contribute nothing. I don’t want them in our country, I’ll be honest with you,” the president said. He called Omar “garbage” and said “we’re going to go the wrong way if we keep taking in garbage into our country”.
** Sara Braun, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-administration-suspends-129m-in-benefit-payments-to-minnesota/ar-AA1TXw8T?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696288fd8dbf4b68a5639be7125a980c&amp;ei=19/&quot;Trump administration suspends $129m in benefit payments to Minnesota&quot;], ''The Guardian'', 10 January 2026

* A month later, in December 2025, the FBI announced that it was deploying additional investigative and personnel resources to “dismantle large-scale fraud schemes exploiting federal programs” in the state, according to its director, Kash Patel. Patel said the agency had already dismantled a $250m fraud scheme that stole federal food aid meant for vulnerable children during the Covid pandemic in a case that led to 78 indictments and 57 convictions.&lt;br&gt;Last week, Walz announced that he would not run for a third term as Minnesota’s governor, as his handling of the fraud has fallen under intense scrutiny from Trump and Republicans. In his announcement, Walz acknowledged that the president and his political allies have taken advantage of the crisis to sow further division in the state.&lt;br&gt;“I won’t mince words here,” Walz said. “Donald Trump and his allies – in Washington, in St Paul and online – want to make our state a colder, meaner place.”
** Sara Braun, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-administration-suspends-129m-in-benefit-payments-to-minnesota/ar-AA1TXw8T?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696288fd8dbf4b68a5639be7125a980c&amp;ei=19/&quot;Trump administration suspends $129m in benefit payments to Minnesota&quot;], ''The Guardian'', 10 January 2026

* Tim Walz addressed the ongoing fraud scandal in Minnesota after a viral video showed an empty daycare center with a misspelled sign that received millions in federal funding. The Minnesota governor claimed he was taking strong action against the alleged fraud, just hours after FBI boss Kash Patel revealed the crisis runs far deeper than initially thought. 'The governor has worked for years to crack down on fraud and ask the state legislature for more authority to take aggressive action,' a spokesperson for Walz told Fox News. 'He has strengthened oversight - including launching investigations into these specific facilities, one of which was already closed.'&lt;br&gt;Walz also 'hired an outside firm to audit payments to high-risk programs, shut down the Housing Stabilization Services program entirely, announced a new statewide program integrity director, and supported criminal prosecutions.'&lt;br&gt;The governor has been inundated with criticism from concerned Americans questioning how he intends to respond to allegations of widespread fraud within the state. Initial reports emerged earlier this month of a massive Covid-era scheme involving the federally funded nonprofit group Feeding Our Future. At least 78 people, 72 of whom are Somali, have been charged in connection with the illicit plot.
** Brittany Chain, [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15418181/Tim-Walz-Minnesota-fraud-scandal.html/&quot;Tim Walz responds to Minnesota fraud scandal after Kash Patel says new claims of stolen taxpayer money 'just tip of the iceberg'&quot;], ''Daily Mail'', 29 December 2025

* Walz, who ran as Vice President on the Democratic ticket alongside Kamala Harris in 2024, defended his state on Sunday on X and shared four photographs of him interacting with members of the Somali community. He wrote about Minnesota: '#8 state for safety. #5 state to live in. #3 state for jobs. #2 state to raise a family, and #2 state to retire. 'We've made progress, but there's more to do to deliver security, opportunity, and freedom to every Minnesotan. I won't quit fighting until we're #1.'&lt;br&gt;His post came after outrage over the alleged fraud grew on Friday when independent journalist Nick Shirley shared footage of an apparently empty Minnesota daycare, which reportedly received millions in taxpayer funds.&lt;br&gt;Footage of the facility, featuring a misspelled sign as 'Quality Learing Center', sparked outrage among lawmakers and allegations state authorities allowed the 'largest fraud in US history' to go unchecked. In response, FBI Director Kash Patel said the FBI has long been aware of fraud allegations in the state and threatened action against perpetrators. 'The FBI believes this is just the tip of a very large iceberg,' Patel wrote. 'We will continue to follow the money and protect children, and this investigation very much remains ongoing.'
** Brittany Chain, [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15418181/Tim-Walz-Minnesota-fraud-scandal.html/&quot;Tim Walz responds to Minnesota fraud scandal after Kash Patel says new claims of stolen taxpayer money 'just tip of the iceberg'&quot;], ''Daily Mail'', 29 December 2025

* 'Furthermore, many are also being referred to immigration officials for possible further denaturalization and deportation proceedings where eligible.' Addressing the allegations made in Shirley's video, Patel said the 'FBI is aware of recent social media reports in Minnesota.' He claimed that the bureau has moving to 'dismantle large-scale fraud schemes exploiting federal programs.' 'Fraud that steals from taxpayers and robs vulnerable children will remain a top FBI priority in Minnesota and nationwide. According to Shirley, the childcare center pocketed $1.9 million from Minnesota's Child Care Assistance Program (CCAP) in 2025, bringing the total to $4 million.&lt;br&gt;Shirley, in his investigation, arrived at the doorsteps of several daycare centers, claiming to be a father looking to enroll his child, but said he never saw any children at the facilities. He said it was 'potentially the largest fraud scandal in US history.'
** Brittany Chain, [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15418181/Tim-Walz-Minnesota-fraud-scandal.html/&quot;Tim Walz responds to Minnesota fraud scandal after Kash Patel says new claims of stolen taxpayer money 'just tip of the iceberg'&quot;], ''Daily Mail'', 29 December 2025

* In his announcement, Patel emphasized that the FBI has been aggressively targeting a massive fraud network that stole COVID-era food scheme. 'The FBI has toppled a $250 million fraud network that targeted vulnerable children and exposed a 'large-scale money laundering' operation,' Patel said. 'The investigation exposed sham vendors, shell companies and large-scale money laundering tied to the Feeding Our Future network,' he wrote.  'The case led to 78 indictments and 57 convictions.'&lt;br&gt;Prosecutors alleged that most of the meals intended for low-income children during the pandemic never existed. Instead, the taxpayer's money went to luxury homes, cars, jewelry, and real estate abroad. 'These criminals didn't just engage in historic fraud, but tried to subvert justice as well,' Patel wrote.&lt;br&gt;President Donald Trump criticized Governor Tim Walz for allowing Minnesota to become 'a hub of fraudulent money laundering activity.' He said the perpetrators should be 'sent back to where they came from.' Later, he said he would be revoking the temporary protected status of the roughly 700 Somali nationals who have it, which prevents them from being deported. On Thanksgiving, Trump called Walz 'seriously retarded' and also attacked Rep. Ilhan Omar and Minnesota's immigration policy.
** Brittany Chain, [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15418181/Tim-Walz-Minnesota-fraud-scandal.html/&quot;Tim Walz responds to Minnesota fraud scandal after Kash Patel says new claims of stolen taxpayer money 'just tip of the iceberg'&quot;], ''Daily Mail'', 29 December 2025

* Republican operatives concede that the focus on Walz, the former running mate of Vice President Kamala Harris in 2024, is easy political fodder after an election cycle spent portraying him as an inept and radical governor. And in an election season in which Walz is seeking a rare third term in office, the attacks could prove fruitful in a blue state where Republicans are hoping to make inroads. Still, Republicans believe that “even Democrats” don't want Walz as a candidate in future general elections, and that Democratic politicians such as Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-CA), a possible 2028 contender for president, or New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani, an avowed socialist, will prove the most useful in this and future cycles.&lt;br&gt;“Let’s be honest. This is a guy who made Kamala Harris seem like an expert debater,” said one out-of-government adviser to the president, a veteran of all three of his presidential campaigns. “We’ll have our fun, but I’m not sure that even an expert brander like President Trump can just wish this one into reality.”&lt;br&gt;A second Trump veteran, who previously worked in the White House but has since grown frustrated with the president’s performance in office, said Trump’s focus on Walz and “the past” will eventually wear on voters’ nerves, considering Trump's declining approval ratings.&lt;br&gt;“America elected President Trump in 2024 to save us from the economic disaster that a Harris-Walz administration would inflict,” the former Trump staffer explained. “But that was over a year ago, and we’re more or less in the same place. We’re still dealing with crazy inflation, and all the economic growth we’ve seen this year is propped up by just a handful of tech companies, which the administration is heavily subsidizing by the way. He needs to actually deliver some real results and fix these problems, not just b**** and moan about how much worse things would’ve been if he hadn’t won.”
** Christian Datoc, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/trump-tests-tim-walz-as-democratic-boogeyman-after-somali-fraud-scandal/ar-AA1TohvO?ocid=BingNewsSerp/&quot;Trump tests Tim Walz as Democratic boogeyman after Somali fraud scandal&quot;], ''Washington Examiner'', 1 January 2026

* The revelation of widespread fraud committed by members of Minnesota’s Somali community is a political gift for President Donald Trump, allowing him to elevate Gov. Tim Walz (D-MN) as a sorely needed foil for Republicans ahead of the midterm elections. But veteran campaign operatives for both parties expect that Walz's status as a Democratic boogeyman will be short-lived, and that Republicans will inevitably look back to California or New York, where bigger-name figures are dominating GOP claims of socialism and incompetence.&lt;br&gt;Trump has heaped attacks on Walz in the weeks after the fraud became a national news story, with the president and Republicans more broadly questioning how hundreds of millions in federal dollars were squandered under Walz's watch. The fraud represents the latest misuse of pandemic-era funds and has become a ballooning case for the Justice Department, which has prosecuted dozens of alleged conspirators.&lt;br&gt;But the story also has a political dimension that ties together the GOP's emphasis on fiscal responsibility with the hard line it has drawn on immigration. FBI Director Kash Patel said that his agency is working with immigration authorities for &quot;possible further denaturalization and deportation proceedings.”&lt;br&gt;Walz has defended his handling of the fraud allegations, telling Fox News that his office &quot;strengthened oversight&quot; once the schemes came to light. But that defense has not quieted the criticism, as the Trump administration and its congressional allies expand investigations into suspected misconduct and even begin to withhold federal dollars.&lt;br&gt;Meanwhile, Trump has blamed Democratic policies for an influx of immigrants he says are &quot;completely taking over&quot; the country, and has hurled insults at Walz, drawing controversy for calling him a dated slur for intellectually disabled people.
** Christian Datoc, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/trump-tests-tim-walz-as-democratic-boogeyman-after-somali-fraud-scandal/ar-AA1TohvO?ocid=BingNewsSerp/&quot;Trump tests Tim Walz as Democratic boogeyman after Somali fraud scandal&quot;], ''Washington Examiner'', 1 January 2026

* Multiple senior Democratic officials, one of whom staffed Walz on the 2024 campaign trail, told the Washington Examiner that the Minnesota fraud scandal plays into the GOP’s electoral strengths but doubted that it would help Minnesota Republicans win next year’s gubernatorial election or resonate with voters beyond the state like Trump’s immigration rhetoric did while running against Harris.&lt;br&gt;“The thing about the border security issue was it was so present. People see ‘fraud’ and Somalian immigrants, but it’s not like the images of people running across the border or through the Rio Grande,” the former Walz aide said. “I’m always worried about the misuse of public dollars, but this is a little in the weeds.”&lt;br&gt;A second senior Democratic official welcomed Trump’s attacks on Walz, saying the president’s focus could solidify support from the “anti-Trump” crowd around the incumbent.&lt;br&gt;“No Democrat is running against Gov. Walz because we, and the voters, know the truth: He is a good man, and Trump’s attacks are more rooted in racism than reality,” the official assessed, noting that Republicans, by contrast, have not yet landed a strong recruit for the governor's race.&lt;br&gt;“On the other side, you’ve got basically a dozen Republicans all trying to out-Trump each other, and they’re all probably going to lose to Mike Lindell,&quot; they added. &quot;Minnesota hasn’t voted a new Republican into a major office since Trump stepped off the golden escalator, and I seriously doubt the My Pillow guy is going to change that.&quot;
** Christian Datoc, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/trump-tests-tim-walz-as-democratic-boogeyman-after-somali-fraud-scandal/ar-AA1TohvO?ocid=BingNewsSerp/&quot;Trump tests Tim Walz as Democratic boogeyman after Somali fraud scandal&quot;], ''Washington Examiner'', 1 January 2026

* A third Democratic staffer laughed that Trump “can’t even keep the plot straight” on who to blame for the Minnesota scandal, pointing fingers at both Walz and Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN), who is a Somali immigrant.&lt;br&gt;Still, the fraud scandal continues to be an unwanted firestorm for the Democratic Party that, beyond politics, could jeopardize millions in federal funding. Kelly Loeffler, Trump's Small Business Administration chief, sent a letter to Walz before Christmas, alerting him that the administration would be halting some $5.5 million in funding previously allocated for the state while the federal government continues to investigate additional fraud cases.&lt;br&gt;New reporting that surfaced over the weekend suggests that multiple Minnesota daycare operations were recipients of taxpayer subsidies, despite currently having no children enrolled in the programs.&lt;br&gt;Patel reacted to those reports on Sunday by announcing plans to surge &quot;investigative resources&quot; to expand the federal government's inquiry, adding that the indictments handed out so far represent &quot;just the tip of the iceberg.&quot;&lt;br&gt;Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem similarly offered up ICE agents on Monday to conduct investigations of alleged fraud sites.
** Christian Datoc, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/trump-tests-tim-walz-as-democratic-boogeyman-after-somali-fraud-scandal/ar-AA1TohvO?ocid=BingNewsSerp/&quot;Trump tests Tim Walz as Democratic boogeyman after Somali fraud scandal&quot;], ''Washington Examiner'', 1 January 2026

* '''It is the honor of a lifetime to serve the people of Minnesota with my friend and favorite coworker, Governor Tim Walz. The Governor asked me last year, if I knew everything that we know now – would I have signed up? My answer was, and is, absolutely. Let’s get back to work.'''
** Peggy Flanagan in her inaugural speech after being reelected as 50th Lieutenant Governor of Minnesota, 2 January 2023[https://mn.gov/governor/newsroom/press-releases/?id=1055-557499]

* '''I am proud to announce that I've asked @Tim_Walz to be my running mate. As [[w:Tim Walz#Governor of Minnesota (2019–present)|a governor]], [[w:Tim Walz#Teaching|a coach, a teacher]], and [[w:Tim Walz#Military service|a veteran]], he's delivered for working families like his. It's great to have him on the team. Now let’s get to work.'''
** [[Kamala Harris]] post on X (formerly Twitter) [https://x.com/KamalaHarris/status/1820828396298879294 declaring Walz as her pick for Vice President.], 6 August 2024

* Roberta Sloan, 66, a retired nurse who drove from Rochester, Minnesota, to join the protest in the park on Minneapolis’s south side, said she was frustrated that Omar’s effort to enter the ICE facility was challenged, but glad the congresswomen tried. “They have every right to be there to see these detention places and how people are being treated,” she said. Sloan was also pleased with how Gov. Tim Walz and Minneapolis’s mayor have spoken out against the ICE operation and shooting. “They are standing up for what Minnesota stands for,” she said, and that’s why she felt compelled to protest: “To stand up for those who don’t have a voice.”&lt;br&gt;Standing on a nearby snow covered sidewalk, amid a shoulder-to-shoulder crowd, health care worker Peter Prou, 33, of St. Paul, said he was outraged by the shooting and came to fight for justice. “They’re taking away all our rights and freedoms. They know it’s murder and they’re trying to cover it up,” he said of ICE, but added, “There’s strength in numbers. There’s more of us than them.”
** Molly Hennessy-Fiske, Angie Orellana Hernandez &amp; Will Oremus, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-protest-ice-presence-in-minneapolis-and-cities-nationwide/ar-AA1TXW6R?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6963661c28904bd98d50319d0aeeb238&amp;ei=16/&quot;Thousands protest ICE presence in Minneapolis and cities nationwide&quot;], ''The Washington Post'', 10 January 2026

* Civil liberties and migrant-rights groups called for nationwide rallies on Saturday to protest the fatal shooting of an activist in Minnesota by a U.S. immigration agent, as state authorities opened their own investigation of the killing. Protest organizers said more than 1,000 weekend events were planned across the country demanding an end to large-scale deployments of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents ordered by President Donald Trump, mostly to cities led by Democratic politicians.&lt;br&gt;Minneapolis became a major flashpoint of the Republican president's militarized deportation roundups on Wednesday, when an ICE officer shot and killed a 37-year-old mother of three, Renee Good, behind the wheel of her car on a residential street. The violence came soon after some 2,000 federal officers were dispatched to Minneapolis in what ICE's parent agency, the Department of Homeland Security, called the &quot;largest DHS operation ever.&quot; Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, a Democrat, condemned the deployment as a &quot;reckless&quot; example of &quot;governance by reality TV.&quot;
** Renee Hickman, Steve Gorman &amp; Nathan Layne, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fatal-ice-shooting-of-minneapolis-activist-sets-stage-for-national-protests/ar-AA1TWJeC?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696250ef11b64ca2991c35ae7ad81e96&amp;ei=17/&quot;Fatal ICE shooting of Minneapolis activist sets stage for national protests&quot;], ''Reuters'', 10 January 2026

* Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey, a Democrat, pointed to bystander video he said directly contradicted the federal government's &quot;garbage narrative.&quot; Civil liberties advocates said the video showed federal agents lacked any justification for using deadly force.&lt;br&gt;Amid the sharply differing accounts of the shooting, Minnesota and Hennepin County law enforcement authorities said on Friday they were opening their own criminal inquiry of the incident separate from a federal investigation led by the FBI. Some Trump administration officials, including Vice President JD Vance, asserted state prosecutors lack jurisdiction to charge a federal officer with a crime, though legal experts say federal immunity in such cases is not automatic.&lt;br&gt;The crisis atmosphere led Walz - a prominent Trump antagonist who branded Trump and his Republican allies as &quot;weird&quot; during his own run for vice president last year - to put the state's National Guard on alert.&lt;br&gt;Federal-state tensions escalated further on Thursday when a U.S. Border Patrol agent in Portland, Oregon, shot and wounded a man and woman in their car after an attempted vehicle stop. As in the Minneapolis incident, DHS said the driver had tried to &quot;weaponize&quot; his vehicle and run over agents. DHS on Friday identified the wounded driver and passenger as suspected gang associates from Venezuela who were in the U.S. illegally. The agency said the woman had been involved in a prior shootout in Portland but provided no evidence of its allegations against the pair.
** Renee Hickman, Steve Gorman &amp; Nathan Layne, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fatal-ice-shooting-of-minneapolis-activist-sets-stage-for-national-protests/ar-AA1TWJeC?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696250ef11b64ca2991c35ae7ad81e96&amp;ei=17/&quot;Fatal ICE shooting of Minneapolis activist sets stage for national protests&quot;], ''Reuters'', 10 January 2026

* The deployment of agents to Minneapolis follows Trump's recent denunciations of Walz and his state's large population of Somali immigrants over allegations of fraud dating back to 2020 by some nonprofit groups administering childcare and other social-service programs. Good was shot dead just a few blocks from where George Floyd was killed by a Minneapolis police officer crushing his neck into the pavement with his knee during a videotaped arrest in May 2020. Floyd's death sparked months of nationwide racial-justice protests during Trump's first term in office.&lt;br&gt;Bystander video of the Minneapolis incident showed masked officers approaching Good's Honda SUV while it was stopped at a perpendicular angle to the street, partially blocking traffic. One agent is seen ordering her out of the car and grabbing onto the driver-side front door handle as the car pulls forward and steers away from the officers, one of whom jumps back and fires three shots into the front of the vehicle as it rolls past.
** Renee Hickman, Steve Gorman &amp; Nathan Layne, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fatal-ice-shooting-of-minneapolis-activist-sets-stage-for-national-protests/ar-AA1TWJeC?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696250ef11b64ca2991c35ae7ad81e96&amp;ei=17/&quot;Fatal ICE shooting of Minneapolis activist sets stage for national protests&quot;], ''Reuters'', 10 January 2026

* He packaged himself as a moderate from Day One, built an office centered on constituent service and carved out a niche as a tireless advocate for veterans.
** James Hohmann on Walz's first election to Congress, as quoted in [http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1010/43583.html ''Politico''], 14 October 2010

* Minnesota Governor Walz served for 24 years in the Army National Guard, a military force that is usually deployed within the US to respond to events such as natural disasters, but is also part of the US Army reserve. In August, Republican vice-presidential candidate JD Vance accused Walz of &quot;stolen valour&quot;. Vance referred to a video promoted by the Harris campaign which featured a comment made by Walz in 2018, while he was advocating for gun control. In the clip, Walz said he had &quot;carried weapons in war&quot;.&lt;br&gt;This was not true. Walz went to Italy with the National Guard in 2003 as part of support for the US war in Afghanistan but he was never deployed to an active war zone. On 9 August, the Harris campaign issued a statement saying that “in making the case for why weapons of war should never be on our streets or in our classrooms, the Governor misspoke”.
** Jake Horton &amp; Joshua Cheetham, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cze5gzr97ewo/&quot;Fact-checking claims about Tim Walz’s military record&quot;], BBC, 1 October 2024

* In August Vance claimed: “When Tim Walz was asked by his country to go to Iraq, you know what he did? He dropped out of the army and allowed his unit to go without him.” Several former National Guard colleagues have previously publicly voiced frustrations at Walz’s decision to leave their unit before deployment to Iraq but others have rejected assertions that he retired to avoid combat duty. In February 2005, while he was still in the National Guard, Walz filed an application to run for election as a member of Congress from Minnesota.&lt;br&gt;The following month it was announced that there would be “a possible partial mobilisation of roughly 2,000 troops from the Minnesota National Guard” to Iraq within the next two years, according to a 2005 press release from Walz’s congressional campaign. In the statement, Walz said: “I do not yet know if my artillery unit will be part of this mobilisation.” He added: “I don’t want to speculate on what shape my campaign will take if I am deployed, but I have no plans to drop out of the race.&quot;&lt;br&gt;Walz retired from the National Guard in May 2005, which he later said was so he could focus fully on running for Congress. His National Guard unit received orders to mobilise for Iraq in July 2005, and was sent there in March 2006, according to the battalion’s history page.&lt;br&gt;On 13 August 2024, Mr Walz responded directly to his critics, recalling that he'd joined the National Guard aged 17: &quot;I served for the next 24 years for the same reason all my brothers and sisters do, we love this country. Then in 2005 I felt the call of duty again, this time giving service to my country in the halls of Congress.&quot;
** Jake Horton &amp; Joshua Cheetham, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cze5gzr97ewo/&quot;Fact-checking claims about Tim Walz’s military record&quot;], BBC, 1 October 2024

* I heard that when {Walz} was vetted {by [[w:Kamala Harris 2024 presidential campaign|the Harris campaign]]}, one of the questions they asked was how skilled is he at using a [[w:Teleprompter|teleprompter]], and he said: [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/tim-walz-vice-president-interview-kamala-harris-b2592526.html &quot;I don’t use a teleprompter. You’re going to have to teach me how to do that.&quot;] This is a [[teacher]] who knows what needs to be said, whether it’s [[w:American football|on the field]] or [[Education|in the classroom]]. He doesn’t need it written out on cue cards or teleprompters because it’s coming from the [[heart]] . . . .
** Ashley A. Kannan, who teaches history and coaches girls’ basketball at [https://www.op97.org/julian Percy Julian Middle School] in [[w:Oak Park, Illinois|Oak Park, Illinois]], as quoted by [https://www.chalkbeat.org/2024/08/10/tim-walz-what-teachers-see-in-the-democratic-vp-pick/ &quot;In Tim Walz, many teachers see themselves — and an opportunity: Could Kamala Harris’ vice presidential pick change how people see teachers? Educators hope so.&quot;] From the nonprofit educational news organization [[w:Chalkbeat|Chalkbeat]]; the story was written by Gabrielle Birkner. (August 9, 2024)

*  Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz (D) likened President Trump’s immigration crackdown in the Twin Cities to the barbaric Nazi occupation chronicled by Anne Frank. “We have got children in Minnesota hiding in their houses, afraid to go outside,” Walz declared during a fiery press conference on Sunday. “Many of us grew up reading that story of Anne Frank.” “Somebody’s going to write that children’s story about Minnesota.” Frank famously chronicled her harrowing time in hiding during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands for over two years before her capture. Ultimately, she died in a concentration camp.&lt;br&gt;Taking a somber tone, Walz vowed to be defiant in the face of Operation Metro Surge and re-upped his well-worn demands for the Trump administration to end the surge of federal law enforcement personnel to the state.
** Ryan King, [https://nypost.com/2026/01/25/us-news/tim-walz-compares-trumps-ice-crackdown-to-nazi-occupation/&quot;Tim Walz compares Trump’s ICE crackdown in Minnesota to Nazi occupation told by Anne Frank&quot;], ''New York Post'', 25 January 2026

* “If it was the intention of Donald Trump to make an example of Minnesota, then I’m damn proud of the example that the world is seeing,” the governor added. Tensions in Minneapolis have soared in the wake of a Border Patrol agent’s shooting of Alex Pretti, 37, an ICU nurse, on Saturday. Footage showed multiple officers pinning Pretti to the ground and removing his 9mm handgun, the gun slide of which appeared to move. Officers then opened fire on Pretti. Attorney General Pam Bondi penned a letter to Walz on how to end the chaos in Minnesota but the governor shrugged that off. “There’s 2 million documents in the Epstein files we’re still waiting on. Go ahead and work on those,” Walz snapped back on Sunday.&lt;br&gt;“We cooperate. We don’t do their job,” Walz later contended when pressed about the Trump administration’s demands that it can get more access to the state’s jails. “It’s their job to do immigration.” The shooting of Pretti came some two weeks after an Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer shot Renee Good, also 37, after she accelerated her SUV in his direction. An investigation into Pretti’s death is ongoing, according to top officials, including Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem.
** Ryan King, [https://nypost.com/2026/01/25/us-news/tim-walz-compares-trumps-ice-crackdown-to-nazi-occupation/&quot;Tim Walz compares Trump’s ICE crackdown in Minnesota to Nazi occupation told by Anne Frank&quot;], ''New York Post'', 25 January 2026

* In Judi Agustin’s freshman year at Mankato West High School, her teacher instructed her to wear a yellow star. It was part of a Holocaust curriculum at the school, located in a remote area of Minnesota with barely any Jews. For a week, freshmen were asked to wear the yellow stars, which were reminiscent of the ones the Nazis made the Jews wear. Seniors played the part of the Gestapo, charged with persecuting the “Jews.”&lt;br&gt;Unlike everyone else in her class in the 2001-2002 school year, Agustin was Jewish. The experience “was incredibly hurtful and offensive and scary,” she recalled on Tuesday. Her father complained to the district, and wrote a letter to the local paper decrying the lesson. In response, she recalled, the head of the department put a stop to them. The teacher who intervened, according to her recollection was the current vice presidential nominee Tim Walz.&lt;br&gt;“When Tim Walz found out about it, he squashed it real quick, and as far as I understand they never did it again,” Agustin told the Jewish Telegraphic Agency. “So he was an advocate for my experience, as one of four Jewish kids in the entire school district. And I always felt like he had our back.”&lt;br&gt;Walz is on the campaign trail this week with Vice President Kamala Harris, his running mate, and did not immediately respond to a request for comment. JTA could not independently verify that he was the teacher who stopped the Mankato West lesson.&lt;br&gt;But it’s clear that how to teach the Holocaust well has occupied Walz for decades. In 1993, while teaching in Nebraska, he was part of an inaugural conference of US educators convened by the soon-to-open US Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, DC. Eight years later, after moving to Minnesota, he wrote a thesis arguing for changes in Holocaust education. And as governor, he backed a push to mandate teaching about the Holocaust in Minnesota schools.&lt;br&gt;Through it all, Walz modeled and argued for careful instruction that treated the Holocaust as one of multiple genocides worth understanding.
** Andrew Lapin, [https://www.timesofisrael.com/lauded-by-former-students-tim-walz-wrote-his-masters-thesis-on-holocaust-education/&quot;Lauded by former students, Tim Walz wrote his master’s thesis on Holocaust education&quot;], ''The Times of Israel'', 9 August 2024

* “Schools are teaching about the Jewish Holocaust, but the way it is traditionally being taught is not leading to increased knowledge of the causes of genocide in all parts of the world,” Walz wrote in his thesis, submitted in 2001. The thesis was the culmination of Walz’s master’s degree focused on Holocaust and genocide education at Minnesota State University, Mankato, which he earned while teaching at Mankato West. His 27-page thesis, which JTA obtained, is titled “Improving Human Rights and Genocide Studies in the American High School Classroom.” In it, Walz argues that the lessons of the “Jewish Holocaust” should be taught “in the greater context of human rights abuses,” rather than as a unique historical anomaly or as part of a larger unit on World War II. “To exclude other acts of genocide severely limited students’ ability to synthesize the lessons of the Holocaust and the ability to apply them elsewhere,” he wrote. He then took a position that he noted was “controversial” among Holocaust scholars: that the Holocaust should not be taught as unique but used to help students identify “clear patterns” with other historical genocides like the Armenian and Rwandan genocides.
** Andrew Lapin, [https://www.timesofisrael.com/lauded-by-former-students-tim-walz-wrote-his-masters-thesis-on-holocaust-education/&quot;Lauded by former students, Tim Walz wrote his master’s thesis on Holocaust education&quot;], ''The Times of Israel'', 9 August 2024

* Walz was describing, in effect, his own approach to teaching the Holocaust that he implemented in Alliance, Nebraska, years earlier. In the state’s remote northwest region, Walz asked his global geography class to study the common factors that linked the Holocaust to other historical genocides, including economic strife, totalitarian ideology and colonialism. The year was 1993. At year’s end, Walz and his class correctly predicted that Rwanda was most at risk of sliding into genocide.&lt;br&gt;“The Holocaust is taught too often purely as a historical event, an anomaly, a moment in time,” Walz told ''The New York Times'' in 2008, reflecting on those Alliance lessons. “That relieves us of responsibility. Obviously, the mastermind was sociopathic, but on the scale for it to happen, there had to be a lot of people in the country who chose to go down that path.”
** Andrew Lapin, [https://www.timesofisrael.com/lauded-by-former-students-tim-walz-wrote-his-masters-thesis-on-holocaust-education/&quot;Lauded by former students, Tim Walz wrote his master’s thesis on Holocaust education&quot;], ''The Times of Israel'', 9 August 2024

* Last year, as Minnesota’s governor, Walz returned to Holocaust education, and supported and signed a law requiring the state’s middle and high schools to teach about the Holocaust. The law, initiated and championed by the Jewish Community Relations Council of Minnesota and the Dakotas, also encourages schools to teach about other genocides. A working group for the curriculum hit snags earlier this summer when a pro-Palestinian activist was removed from the committee amid debates on whether Israel’s conduct in Gaza constitutes genocide. The mandate is still anticipated to go into effect in the 2025-2026 school year.&lt;br&gt;“This is going to work out, this is going to be good, because the governor and his staff are highly attuned to the concerns and sensitivities of the Jewish community,” Ethan Roberts, the JCRC’s deputy executive director, told JTA.&lt;br&gt;Speaking at a JCRC event in June, Walz said he had been “privileged and proud” to have participated in the US Holocaust Memorial Museum training early in his career. But he said more needed to be done, and he emphasized that the curriculum chosen to accomplish the requirement would determine its success. “We need to do better on Holocaust education. We need to do better on ethnic studies,” he told the crowd. “And I tell you this as a teacher and as governor, too, we don’t need test scores or anything to tell us that we’re failing.” It was the kind of message that former Mankato West students said they came to expect from him. “He is what you hope a great teacher is,” said Solo, “which is someone who’s not only teaching, but also learning at all times.”
** Andrew Lapin, [https://www.timesofisrael.com/lauded-by-former-students-tim-walz-wrote-his-masters-thesis-on-holocaust-education/&quot;Lauded by former students, Tim Walz wrote his master’s thesis on Holocaust education&quot;], ''The Times of Israel'', 9 August 2024

* Tim Walz, the Democratic governor of Minnesota, has emerged as a prominent figure in American politics, known for his dedication to creating an inclusive and equitable society for all and his unwavering support of LGBTQ+ rights and commitment to social justice.&lt;br&gt;Serving since January 2019, Walz’s political career spans over a decade, including his tenure as a U.S. Representative for Minnesota. His background as a retired Master Sergeant in the Army National Guard and a former high school teacher uniquely positions him as a leader who understands the values (and shortcomings) of military, educational, and governmental realms. Recently, his strong leadership and progressive values have placed him among those being considered as a potential vice presidential pick for Kamala Harris, further elevating his national profile and influence.
** LGBT Pride Talk, [https://lgbtpridetalk.wordpress.com/2024/08/05/tim-walz-is-an-ally-for-lgbtq-rights-you-need-to-know-about/&quot;Tim Walz is an ally for LGBTQ+ rights you need to know about&quot;], 5 August 2024

* Born on April 6, 1964, in West Point, Nebraska, Tim Walz grew up in the state’s rural northwestern area of Valentine. He entered the Army National Guard in 1981 at the age of 17, serving 24 years and retiring as a Command Sergeant Major in 2005. In 1989, he earned a bachelor’s in social science education from Chadron State College, and In 2001, he earned a master’s in educational leadership from Minnesota State University, Mankato.&lt;br&gt;Walz was a high school teacher and coach. He was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives in 2006, representing Minnesota’s 1st congressional district and winning re-election every two years until he became governor in 2018. In the House, he focused largely on veterans issues and became known for his bipartisanship. As governor, he focused on police and firearm reform, cannabis legalization, and educational funding. He won re-election as governor in 2022.
** LGBT Pride Talk, [https://lgbtpridetalk.wordpress.com/2024/08/05/tim-walz-is-an-ally-for-lgbtq-rights-you-need-to-know-about/&quot;Tim Walz is an ally for LGBTQ+ rights you need to know about&quot;], 5 August 2024

* When running for the House in 2006, Walz ran on a platform expressing support for same-sex marriage, which Minnesota banned in 1997. In 2011, he announced his support for the Respect for Marriage Act, which aimed to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and ensure federal and state recognition of same-sex marriages. The act became law in December 2022.
** LGBT Pride Talk, [https://lgbtpridetalk.wordpress.com/2024/08/05/tim-walz-is-an-ally-for-lgbtq-rights-you-need-to-know-about/&quot;Tim Walz is an ally for LGBTQ+ rights you need to know about&quot;], 5 August 2024

* While working as a 35-year-old social studies teacher at Mankato West High School in 1999, Walz advised the school’s first gay-straight alliance (GSA) supporting LGBTQ+ students. On May 17, Gov. Walz signed legislation that stops libraries in the state from removing books “based solely on the viewpoint, content, message, idea, or opinion conveyed,” including LGBTQ+ themes. On the day of the law’s signing, Walz wrote, “Censorship has no place in our libraries,” Walz posted to X. “As a former teacher, I’m clear: We need to remember our history, not erase it.”&lt;br&gt;While delivering his State of the State Address last April, Walz seemed to make a thinly veiled criticism of Florida’s “Don’t say gay” law banning classroom instruction on LGBTQ+ issues in schools. “Look, I’m only the governor of this great state. It’s not up to me how folks in places like Florida go about their business,” Walz said. “But I have to tell you, I’m pretty glad we do it our way and not their way. They’re banishing books from their schools. We’re banishing hunger from ours.”
** LGBT Pride Talk, [https://lgbtpridetalk.wordpress.com/2024/08/05/tim-walz-is-an-ally-for-lgbtq-rights-you-need-to-know-about/&quot;Tim Walz is an ally for LGBTQ+ rights you need to know about&quot;], 5 August 2024

* In 2023, Walz signed a statewide bill banning so-called conversion therapy, the widely discredited and disavowed practice of attempting to change someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity.&lt;br&gt;The conversion therapy ban forbids any medical or mental healthcare practitioner from offering such therapy to minors and “vulnerable” adults. It also forbids any entities from publishing advertising that refers to LGBTQ+ identities as “a mental disease, disorder or illness” or promises to change a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Practitioners who break the law could face discipline from the state’s health licensing boards.&lt;br&gt;During the law’s signing ceremony, Walz stated, “Minnesota says, ‘Welcome to a state who values who you are and protects you for who you are.’”
** LGBT Pride Talk, [https://lgbtpridetalk.wordpress.com/2024/08/05/tim-walz-is-an-ally-for-lgbtq-rights-you-need-to-know-about/&quot;Tim Walz is an ally for LGBTQ+ rights you need to know about&quot;], 5 August 2024

* The late ‘90s and early 2000s were a rough time to be a gay teen. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was still in effect, the U.S. was many years away from the Supreme Court legalizing same-sex marriage, Mathew Shepard was murdered in a horrific anti-gay hate crime that made national headlines in 1998, homophobic jokes were the norm on TV, and LGBTQ+ students were being harassed at schools all across the country.&lt;br&gt;Today we are living through a moment when history is being made by a woman of color becoming the Democratic nominee for president of the United States for the first time — and by Kamala Harris' side is Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz, who has been breaking down barriers and standing up for the rights of the LGBTQ+ community since his days as a high school teacher in the '90s.
** Ariel Messman-Rucker, [https://www.pride.com/politics/tim-walz-gay-straight-alliance/&quot;Former students share why Tim Walz being an ally to LGBTQ+ teens in the ‘90s meant so much&quot;], ''Pride'', 30 August 2024

* It was during this turbulent period that gay attorney and LGBTQ+ rights activist Jacob Reitan attended Mankato West High School in a Minnesota suburb where Walz taught social studies and coached the football team. “I did receive a fair bit of bullying,” Reitan told PRIDE. “My house was egged, my car window was smashed in the school parking lot, gay epithets were chalked in my driveway, a brick was thrown through my dad’s office window.”&lt;br&gt;Born out of his “activist spirit” and his desire to come out of the closet and stop the bullying, Reitan founded his school’s first Gay Straight Alliance in 1999 with the help of the man who is now delivering stump speeches alongside presidential hopeful Harris.
** Ariel Messman-Rucker, [https://www.pride.com/politics/tim-walz-gay-straight-alliance/&quot;Former students share why Tim Walz being an ally to LGBTQ+ teens in the ‘90s meant so much&quot;], ''Pride'', 30 August 2024

* When Mankato West High School principal John Barnett suggested Walz for the role of GSA faculty advisor, Reitan knew he’d be the right fit because of how accepting both Walz and his wife Gwen — who was also a dedicated high school teacher at the time — had always been. In fact, Gwen Walz was the third person Reitan ever told he was gay after first coming out to his sister and a close friend. “Gwen was my teacher in the 10th grade, and [she] started her 10th-grade class by saying, ‘This is a safe space for LGBTQ+ people.’ I’d never heard a teacher say positive things about gay people from the front of the classroom,” he said. Starting a group for LGBTQ+ students and their allies in a small city in the Midwest during the late '90s was no easy feat, but choosing the ultimate All-American teacher to lead it turned out to be a brilliant decision.
** Ariel Messman-Rucker, [https://www.pride.com/politics/tim-walz-gay-straight-alliance/&quot;Former students share why Tim Walz being an ally to LGBTQ+ teens in the ‘90s meant so much&quot;], ''Pride'', 30 August 2024

* With Walz at the helm and the support of the well-respected school principal, the GSA didn’t face as much hate as they expected, but there were still detractors. Reitan recalls that every time the GSA put up posters advertising the group or one of their events, they would get pulled down and ripped up. Not to be deterred, the high school senior always picked up the pieces and eventually turned them into a mural emblazoned with the words, “Symbols of our hate.”&lt;br&gt;The group also faced backlash when it came time for them to organize a Human Rights Week for the school, which focused on a different form of discrimination each day for a week, including gender identity, race, religion, sexual orientation, and disability.&lt;br&gt;Both the school and Reitan’s parents received angry letters and phone calls from disgruntled parents who threatened to keep their teens home on the day sexual orientation would be highlighted, but Walz refused to back down and kowtow to closed-minded parents.
** Ariel Messman-Rucker, [https://www.pride.com/politics/tim-walz-gay-straight-alliance/&quot;Former students share why Tim Walz being an ally to LGBTQ+ teens in the ‘90s meant so much&quot;], ''Pride'', 30 August 2024

* '''In the years since his tenure heading the GSA, Walz has made supporting LGBTQ+ rights a pillar of his political career, never shying away from it even when it may have helped him win elections to do so.'''
** Ariel Messman-Rucker, [https://www.pride.com/politics/tim-walz-gay-straight-alliance/&quot;Former students share why Tim Walz being an ally to LGBTQ+ teens in the ‘90s meant so much&quot;], ''Pride'', 30 August 2024

* Minnesota has been the white whale for Republicans in the Trump era. And 2026 could be the year they finally break through — if President Donald Trump and one of the most prolific peddlers of conspiracy theories about the 2020 election don’t sink their chances.&lt;br&gt;Republicans are growing optimistic about their chances of unseating Democratic Gov. Tim Walz next year, as he seeks a historic third term. But Trump’s increasingly caustic attacks on Walz and disparagement of Minnesota’s Somali community — and MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell’s entrance into the gubernatorial race — could hurt Republicans’ chances of regaining ground in the state, some party strategists argue.&lt;br&gt;“When the president comes in with a flamethrower and just throws that type of rhetoric, there’s no oxygen, and there’s no space for the Republican to offer suggestions and to be thoughtful in that space, because the rhetoric of the president just paints them into a corner,” said Michael Brodkorb, a former deputy chair of the Minnesota GOP who backed the Democratic ticket in 2024.&lt;br&gt;Republicans have insisted they can be competitive statewide in the blue-leaning Minnesota ever since Trump lost Minnesota by less than 2 points in 2016. But since then, winning the state has beguiled both the president — who faced a 7-point loss in 2020 and a 4-point loss in 2024 — and Republicans in other statewide races, including two fairly comfortable wins for Walz in 2018 and 2022.
** Aaron Pellish, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/12/24/minnesota-elections-2026-tim-walz-mike-lindell-00701462?nid=0000018f-3124-de07-a98f-3be4d1400000&amp;nname=politico-toplines&amp;nrid=e01cff5f-7cd9-44aa-b89f-dc8bbe2cb7f7/&quot;Donald Trump and Mike Lindell are targeting Tim Walz. Some Republicans are worried that could backfire.&quot;], Politico, 24 December 2025

* Still, Republicans see an opportunity to win back the Minnesota governor’s seat for the first time since 2006 by hammering Walz, who is running despite scrutiny into his oversight of state benefits and a star turn as the Democratic vice presidential nominee that put him in the crosshairs of Republicans across the country. At the same time, Trump has also used the arrests of some Somali immigrants in federal fraud cases to broadly characterize the state’s Somali population as criminals — leaning on his trademark use of divisive rhetoric that some Republicans worry will fall flat. That risk, insiders warn, could be exacerbated if Lindell, a Trump ally, wins the Republican nomination.&lt;br&gt;“We’d be cooked,” said Dustin Grage, a Minnesota Republican strategist. “I’d be moving to Florida very shortly. We would lose pretty badly if Mike Lindell were to get the nomination.”&lt;br&gt;Those close to the president strenuously disagree, arguing the state remains on the map. House GOP Whip Tom Emmer, the most high-profile Minnesota Republican and an ally of the president, said he’s spoken to Trump about the governor’s race and is confident that any of the 13 Republicans seeking the party’s nomination could defeat Walz.
** Aaron Pellish, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/12/24/minnesota-elections-2026-tim-walz-mike-lindell-00701462?nid=0000018f-3124-de07-a98f-3be4d1400000&amp;nname=politico-toplines&amp;nrid=e01cff5f-7cd9-44aa-b89f-dc8bbe2cb7f7/&quot;Donald Trump and Mike Lindell are targeting Tim Walz. Some Republicans are worried that could backfire.&quot;], Politico, 24 December 2025

* In recent weeks, Trump has ramped up his efforts to link Walz to the abuse of government programs — while using incendiary rhetoric directed at the governor and the Somali community. In a social media post on Thanksgiving, he called Walz “seriously retarded” and accused Somali refugees of seeking to “prey” on Minnesotans. And at an early December rally in Pennsylvania, he again denigrated the Somali community while discussing “the great big Minnesota scam with one of the dumbest governors ever in history.”&lt;br&gt;Emmer, who said he spoke with Trump about the governor’s race as early as July, said he believes the president recognizes an opportunity in Walz’s vulnerability. “I think the president knows that Tim Walz is the weakest he’s ever been in his political career,” Emmer said.&lt;br&gt;Former Minnesota House Speaker Kurt Daudt, a Republican, said the fraud investigations are part of the risk for Walz in seeking a third consecutive term. “If you can lay out a case that, ‘Well, you’ve been elected now for eight years, and you haven’t fixed these problems,’ or ‘You haven’t accomplished what you said you were going to’ … it kind of makes it an easier case to say, ‘Maybe it’s time for someone new,’” Daudt said.&lt;br&gt;But the rhetoric Trump is using to highlight the fraud may reframe the issue to the detriment of Walz’s Republican opponent, said Brodkorb,the former party official. He believes Minnesotans are eager to weigh ideas on immigration policy and how to tackle abuse of public programs.&lt;br&gt;“The problem is when the president comes in and says things like, ‘Everyone in the entire Somali community is garbage,’” Brodkorb said.
** Aaron Pellish, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/12/24/minnesota-elections-2026-tim-walz-mike-lindell-00701462?nid=0000018f-3124-de07-a98f-3be4d1400000&amp;nname=politico-toplines&amp;nrid=e01cff5f-7cd9-44aa-b89f-dc8bbe2cb7f7/&quot;Donald Trump and Mike Lindell are targeting Tim Walz. Some Republicans are worried that could backfire.&quot;], Politico, 24 December 2025

* In response to a request for comment to a Walz spokesperson, Minnesota Democratic-Farmer-Labor Party Chair Richard Carlbom said in a statement that Walz “heads into reelection with a record focused squarely on working people and kitchen-table issues.”&lt;br&gt;“While the GOP clown-car primary remains consumed by infighting and loyalty tests for Donald Trump, Minnesota families are falling behind as Republicans unleash higher grocery prices, skyrocketing health care bills, and giant tax breaks for billionaires,” Carlbom said. “Minnesotans see the difference — a governor delivering for working families, or Republicans delivering loyalty to Donald Trump and a Washington agenda that puts billionaires first.”
** Aaron Pellish, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/12/24/minnesota-elections-2026-tim-walz-mike-lindell-00701462?nid=0000018f-3124-de07-a98f-3be4d1400000&amp;nname=politico-toplines&amp;nrid=e01cff5f-7cd9-44aa-b89f-dc8bbe2cb7f7/&quot;Donald Trump and Mike Lindell are targeting Tim Walz. Some Republicans are worried that could backfire.&quot;], Politico, 24 December 2025

* Walz has emerged as a vocal critic of the second Trump administration, prompting a feud between the two. After a Democratic lawmaker was killed by a gunman and a second was seriously injured earlier this year, Trump said he would not “waste time” calling the “whacked out” governor. Walz’s growing national profile both makes him a high-profile target in the 2026 midterms worthy of trying to defeat, GOP strategists say — but Trump’s intense focus on the race could also backfire given the state’s political makeup.&lt;br&gt;“Having Donald Trump being active in the race for a particular Republican may not be helpful, but it would be extremely helpful to raise the attention on Tim Walz and his record here in the state,” Daudt said. And if Trump ends up throwing his weight behind Lindell — who conspired with Trump in 2020 to advance false claims that the presidential election was stolen — Republicans worry that could give Walz a clearer path to reelection.
** Aaron Pellish, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/12/24/minnesota-elections-2026-tim-walz-mike-lindell-00701462?nid=0000018f-3124-de07-a98f-3be4d1400000&amp;nname=politico-toplines&amp;nrid=e01cff5f-7cd9-44aa-b89f-dc8bbe2cb7f7/&quot;Donald Trump and Mike Lindell are targeting Tim Walz. Some Republicans are worried that could backfire.&quot;], Politico, 24 December 2025

* Effective July 2025, teacher licensing rules passed last year in Minnesota under Democrat Gov. Tim Walz will ban practicing Christians, Jews, and Muslims from teaching in public schools. '''Walz is now the presidential running mate of current U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris. His resume includes a stint as a high school social studies teacher who sponsored a [[Homophobia|student queer sex club]] in 1999.''' Starting next July, Minnesota agencies controlled by Walz appointees will require teacher license applicants to affirm transgenderism and race Marxism. Without a teaching license, individuals cannot work in Minnesota public schools, nor in the private schools that require such licenses.&lt;br&gt;The latest version of the regulations requires teachers to “affirm” students’ “gender identity” and “sexual orientation” to receive a Minnesota teaching license:&lt;br&gt;&quot;The teacher fosters an environment that ensures student identities such as race/ethnicity, national origin, language, sex and gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, physical/developmental/emotional ability, socioeconomic class, and religious beliefs are historically and socially contextualized, affirmed, and incorporated into a learning environment where students are empowered to learn and contribute as their whole selves.&quot;
** Joy Pullmann, [https://thefederalist.com/2024/08/27/under-tim-walz-minnesota-banned-christians-from-teaching-in-public-schools/ &quot;Under Tim Walz, Minnesota Banned Christians From Teaching In Public Schools&quot;], ''The Federalist'', 27 August 2024

* Walz’s first executive order as governor was to install a “diversity, equity, and inclusion,” or DEI, council. Former Minnesota state legislator Allen Quist notes that “The radical Walz administration Department of Human Rights has also forced school districts to report student discipline by race and require equal outcomes (equity) in discipline. The results have been horrific chaos and violence.”&lt;br&gt;During Walz’s governorship, student achievement in Minnesota has gone from among the best in the nation to declining more sharply than anywhere else in the nation, [https://www.americanexperiment.org/how-education-has-changed-under-gov-walz/ according to] the Minneapolis-based Center for the American Experiment. The most recent scores show Minnesota fourth graders dipping below the national average in reading for the first time ever recorded on the well-respected Nation’s Report Card.&lt;br&gt;Research has found for decades that there is no link between teacher certification and student achievement. People who enter teaching with a degree other than in education tend to have significantly higher personal and student academic performance.
** Joy Pullmann, [https://thefederalist.com/2024/08/27/under-tim-walz-minnesota-banned-christians-from-teaching-in-public-schools/ &quot;Under Tim Walz, Minnesota Banned Christians From Teaching In Public Schools&quot;], ''The Federalist'', 27 August 2024

* Minnesota’s teacher requirements therefore force Christians, Muslims, Jews, and adherents to other religions to violate their faith and endanger their hopes of eternal life in order to work in government-run schools.&lt;br&gt;Forcing people to testify to beliefs they don’t hold, often called compelled speech, is clearly unconstitutional, he said: “They’re essentially requiring people to affirm these ideas that they don’t really believe, in many cases, as a condition of being a public school teacher or being part of a program to be a licensed public school teacher. You can’t force that kind of speech, you can’t require adherence to ideas that aren’t believed.”&lt;br&gt;The 13-member board that made these changes is appointed by the governor, whom for the last six years has been Walz. So, Walz is poised to make similar bigoted, totalitarian, and unconstitutional policies across the United States should he be elected vice president.
** Joy Pullmann, [https://thefederalist.com/2024/08/27/under-tim-walz-minnesota-banned-christians-from-teaching-in-public-schools/ &quot;Under Tim Walz, Minnesota Banned Christians From Teaching In Public Schools&quot;], ''The Federalist'', 27 August 2024

* They're out of a Hallmark movie in terms of how decent they are as people, and it's exactly what would want as vice president.
** Jacob Reitan regarding Tim &amp; Gwen Walz, as quoted by Ariel Messman-Rucker, [https://www.pride.com/politics/tim-walz-gay-straight-alliance/&quot;Former students share why Tim Walz being an ally to LGBTQ+ teens in the ‘90s meant so much&quot;], ''Pride'', 30 August 2024

* '''Mr. Walz brought passion every day. He loved to coach. He loved to teach. [As for football,] if you don’t do your job, there’s literally a hole there for them to run the ball through. Tim, he just had a way of not making you feel bad but making you want to do better.'''
** Mitch Salsbery, who played on the [[w:Mankato West High School|Mankato West High School]] football team in 1999; that year the team won the Minnesota state championship with Walz as an assistant coach (the [[w:Defensive coordinator|defensive coordinator]]). The quote is from a US National Public Radio ''All Things Considered'' story entitled [https://www.npr.org/2024/08/07/nx-s1-5065779/a-look-at-tim-walzs-early-years-as-a-high-school-teacher-and-football-coach &quot;What Mr. Walz’s former students have to say about the Democratic VP nominee.&quot;] (August 9, 2024)

* In an apparent swipe at Vice President Kamala Harris’ running mate, Minnesota Gov. [[Tim Walz]], the recipients said they believe that &quot;fabricating military service is beneath the dignity of a veteran and demeaning to those who have served honorably in the Armed Forces.&quot; Walz had come under fire for his service in the Minnesota National Guard. He retired in 2005 after 24 years of service ahead of his battalion being deployed to Iraq. He’s been faced with accusations of &quot;stolen valor,&quot; with some saying he retired early and did not complete trainings.&lt;br&gt;The recipients also said they believe that &quot;the enemies of freedom must be defeated,&quot; and that &quot;the flag is a powerful symbol of freedom.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;We believe the United States of America is the greatest nation the world has ever imagined. We believe in mutually pledging to every American our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor,&quot; they wrote. &quot;We believe in Donald Trump.&quot;&lt;br&gt;Meanwhile, the Harris-Walz campaign touted in September the endorsements from &quot;a bipartisan group of more than 700 national security leaders and former military officials.&quot;&lt;br&gt;The Harris-Walz campaign declined to comment on the Trump endorsements when reached Friday by Fox News Digital.
** Brooke Singman, [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/we-believe-donald-trump-more-than-dozen-medal-honor-recipients-endorse-former-president?msockid=36363094c6846cc502db236fc7e36d86/&quot;'We believe in Donald Trump': More than a dozen Medal of Honor recipients endorse former president&quot;], Fox News, 12 October 2024

* Gov. Tim Walz of Minnesota announced on Monday that he's dropping his bid for a third term as governor amid stinging criticism of the unsuccessful 2024 Democratic vice presidential nominee's handling of his state's massive welfare assistance fraud scandal. &quot;The political gamesmanship we’re seeing from Republicans is only making that fight harder to win,&quot; Walz charged in a statement. &quot;But as I reflected on this moment with my family and my team over the holidays, I came to the conclusion that I can’t give a political campaign my all,&quot; the governor added. &quot;Every minute I spend defending my own political interests would be a minute I can’t spend defending the people of Minnesota against the criminals who prey on our generosity and the cynics who prey on our differences.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;So I’ve decided to step out of the race and let others worry about the election while I focus on the work,&quot; the governor announced.Walz launched his bid for a third four-year term as Minnesota governor in September, but in recent weeks has been facing a barrage of incoming political fire from President Donald Trump and Republicans, and some Democrats, over the large-scale theft in a state that has long prided itself on good governance.
** Paul Steinhauser &amp; Andrew Mark Miller, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/fraud-fallout-forces-democratic-gov-tim-walz-to-abandon-minnesota-re-election-bid/ar-AA1TBU6J?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695b7277aacc4f1ea628cdcc459567e1&amp;ei=10/&quot;Fraud fallout forces Democratic Gov. Tim Walz to abandon Minnesota re-election bid&quot;], Fox News, 5 January 2026

* More than 90 people — most from Minnesota's large Somali community — have been charged since 2022 in what has been described as the nation's largest COVID-era scheme. How much money has been stolen through alleged money laundering operations involving fraudulent meal and housing programs, daycare centers, and Medicaid services is still being tabulated. But the U.S. attorney in Minnesota said the scope of the fraud could exceed $1 billion and rise to as high as $9 billion.&lt;br&gt;Prosecutors said that some of the dozens that have already pleaded guilty in the case used the money to buy luxury cars, real estate, jewelry and international vacations, with some of the funds also sent overseas and potentially into the hands of Islamic terrorists.&lt;br&gt;&quot;This is on my watch, I am accountable for this and, more importantly, I am the one that will fix it,&quot; Walz told reporters last month, as he took responsibility for the scandal. The governor took actions to stop some of the suspected fraudulent payments, and ordered an outside audit of Medicaid billing in the state. But Trump repeatedly blasted Walz as &quot;incompetent&quot; and, during Thanksgiving, used a slur for developmentally disabled people to describe the governor.&lt;br&gt;The scandal, which grabbed plenty of national attention over the past two months, went viral the past few weeks following the release of a video by 23-year-old YouTube content creator Nick Shirley, who alleged widespread fraud at Somali-run daycare centers. Days later, the Trump administration froze federal child-care funding to Minnesota.
** Paul Steinhauser &amp; Andrew Mark Miller, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/fraud-fallout-forces-democratic-gov-tim-walz-to-abandon-minnesota-re-election-bid/ar-AA1TBU6J?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695b7277aacc4f1ea628cdcc459567e1&amp;ei=10/&quot;Fraud fallout forces Democratic Gov. Tim Walz to abandon Minnesota re-election bid&quot;], Fox News, 5 January 2026

* Reactions quickly began to pour in following the Walz announcement. &quot;Good riddance,&quot; Republican House Majority Whip Tom Emmer, who represents Minnesota's 6th Congressional District, said in a statement. Minnesota Republican state Rep. Kristin Robbins, a candidate for governor, released a statement saying, &quot;Tim Walz and his staggering fraud could not outrun our investigations and the momentum we have in this race. He knows he will lose in November, and would rather give up than take responsibility. Anyone Walz handpicks to run for governor will own the fraud and failures of this administration. Our campaign is building the coalition necessary to stop the fraud, protect our kids, and make Minnesota prosper. As Governor, I will dismantle the years of fraud Democrats allowed and ensure our tax dollars work for Minnesotans.&quot;&lt;br&gt;Minnesota House Speaker Lisa Demuth, another leading Republican gubernatorial candidate, took to social media to argue, &quot;If Democrats think they can sweep Minnesota’s fraud scandal away by swapping out Tim Walz, they are wrong.&quot; &quot;We need transformational change across state government that only comes with a Republican governor. I will deliver that no matter who the Democrats decide to run,&quot; Demuth emphasized.&lt;br&gt;But Democratic Governors Association (DGA) and Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear said in a statement, &quot;No matter who decides to run or how much national Republicans want to spend, the DGA remains very confident Minnesotans will elect another strong Democratic governor this November.&quot; And Besehar praised Walz, a former DGA chair, as &quot;a true leader who has delivered results that will make life better for Minnesota workers and families for years to come.&quot;
** Paul Steinhauser &amp; Andrew Mark Miller, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/fraud-fallout-forces-democratic-gov-tim-walz-to-abandon-minnesota-re-election-bid/ar-AA1TBU6J?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695b7277aacc4f1ea628cdcc459567e1&amp;ei=10/&quot;Fraud fallout forces Democratic Gov. Tim Walz to abandon Minnesota re-election bid&quot;], Fox News, 5 January 2026

* The 61-year-old Walz was raised in rural Nebraska and enlisted in the Army National Guard in 1981, soon after graduating from high school. Walz returned to Nebraska to attend Chadron State College, where he graduated in 1989 with a degree in social science education. He taught English and American History in China for one year through a program at Harvard University before being hired in 1990 as a high school teacher and football and basketball coach in Nebraska. Six years later, he moved to Mankato, Minnesota, to teach geography at Mankato West High. Waltz was deployed to Italy to support Operation Enduring Freedom in 2003 before retiring two years later from the National Guard at the rank of command sergeant major. He was elected to the House in 2006 and re-elected five times, representing Minnesota's 1st Congressional District, a mostly rural district covering the southern part of the state that includes a number of midsize cities.&lt;br&gt;During his last two years on Capitol Hill, he served as ranking member of the House Veterans Affairs Committee. Walz won election as governor in 2018 and re-election four years later. But Walz was unknown to many Americans when then-Vice President Kamala Harris chose the Minnesota governor as her running mate in the summer of 2024, soon after she replaced then-President Joe Biden as the Democrats' presidential nominee. Walz, during his three months as running mate, visually and vocally embraced the traditional role of political attack dog that has long been associated with vice presidential nominees. But Harris and Walz fell short, losing the November 2024 election to Trump and now-Vice President JD Vance, as the Democratic Party ticket was swept in all seven crucial battleground states.
** Paul Steinhauser &amp; Andrew Mark Miller, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/fraud-fallout-forces-democratic-gov-tim-walz-to-abandon-minnesota-re-election-bid/ar-AA1TBU6J?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695b7277aacc4f1ea628cdcc459567e1&amp;ei=10/&quot;Fraud fallout forces Democratic Gov. Tim Walz to abandon Minnesota re-election bid&quot;], Fox News, 5 January 2026

* '''He'll unleash HELL ON EARTH'''
** [[Donald Trump]], quoted in [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/tim-walz-donald-trump-kamala-harris_n_66b233afe4b0b3da4752de85 &quot;Donald Trump Claims Tim Walz Will 'Unleash HELL ON EARTH'&quot;], ''Huffington Post'' (August 6, 2024)

* Federal prosecutors unveiled charges Thursday against another six people, accusing them of defrauding public assistance programs in Minnesota — including two men they allege traveled to the state for that express purpose.&lt;br&gt;The latest indictments add fuel to a scandal that has now led to charges against more than 90 people who have been accused, and in many cases convicted, of bilking hundreds of millions of dollars from the Midwestern state, putting Gov. Tim Walz's administration in the hot seat and drawing attacks from President Trump. Thursday's charges focus on housing assistance and autism services. And the pandemic-era food aid fraud case that set off the scandal is still brewing. 
** Joe Walsh, [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/what-to-know-minnesota-fraud-scandal-more-charges-filed-trump-walz/&quot;What to know about Minnesota's &quot;industrial-scale fraud&quot; scandal, as more charges are filed and Trump weighs in&quot;], CBS News, 19 December 2025

* Minnesota is far from the only state that has grappled with allegations of public assistance fraud, especially scams targeting pandemic aid funds. But Assistant U.S. Attorney Joseph Thompson said Minnesota faces a particularly large problem, pointing to 14 different Medicaid programs that the state has flagged for &quot;significant fraud problems.&quot; He suggested total losses could reach into the billions.&lt;br&gt;&quot;The fraud is not small. It isn't isolated. The magnitude cannot be overstated,&quot; Thompson said at a press conference Thursday. &quot;What we see in Minnesota is not a handful of bad actors committing crimes. It's a staggering, industrial-scale fraud.&quot;&lt;br&gt;Walz, whose administration has faced scrutiny for its handling of the issue, has vowed to crack down. Meanwhile, Mr. Trump has sharply criticized Minnesota — and he's lashed out at the state's large Somali-American community as most, but not all, of the defendants are of Somali descent.
** Joe Walsh, [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/what-to-know-minnesota-fraud-scandal-more-charges-filed-trump-walz/&quot;What to know about Minnesota's &quot;industrial-scale fraud&quot; scandal, as more charges are filed and Trump weighs in&quot;], CBS News, 19 December 2025

* Walz launched a new fraud prevention program on Dec. 12, led by a former FBI agent. He applauded the new federal charges on Thursday. &quot;This is exactly the type of strong action we need from prosecutors to ensure fraudsters are put behind bars,&quot; Walz said in a statement. &quot;We will not tolerate fraud, and we will continue to work with federal partners to ensure fraud is stopped and fraudsters are caught.&quot;&lt;br&gt;James Clark, inspector general of the Minnesota Department of Human Services, said in a statement Thursday the agency &quot;has been moving more aggressively than ever to suspend payments where we see evidence of fraud.&quot; He also urged federal officials to share information with the agency, which oversees many of the programs that were hit by fraud allegations. &quot;If there is evidence of Medicaid fraud, the state should be given the information so DHS can slam the door shut on payments to those individuals and businesses,&quot; Clark said.
** Joe Walsh, [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/what-to-know-minnesota-fraud-scandal-more-charges-filed-trump-walz/&quot;What to know about Minnesota's &quot;industrial-scale fraud&quot; scandal, as more charges are filed and Trump weighs in&quot;], CBS News, 19 December 2025

* A straight, football-coaching national guardsman wasn’t the LGBT+ ally that Seth Elliot Meyer expected. But Meyer, who came out as queer in his freshman year of high school in 2000, admits he was wrong about Tim Walz. “I just sort of naively believed that someone who was a big, masculine dude with a deep voice was never someone who’s going to be on my side,” Meyer says.&lt;br&gt;“As much as those younger students who were courageous enough to be out in those years, it was just as important to have those very kind of ‘normal,’ strong, straight, masculine allies backing us up.”
** Alex Woodward, [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/tim-walz-gay-high-school-gsa-teacher-lgbt-b2599841.html/&quot;‘I knew who I could go to’: How Tim Walz gave his queer high school students a refuge&quot;], ''Independent'', 19 August 2024

* Before he was governor of Minnesota, before he was a member of Congress, and before he was a candidate for the next vice president of the United States, he was “Mr Walz,” a geography teacher at Mankato West High School, roughly 80 miles south of Minneapolis.&lt;br&gt;In 1999, Walz agreed to be the faculty adviser for the school’s first ever gay-straight alliance (GSA). Walz and his wife Gwen, who also taught at the school, were a refuge for their LGBT+ students, alumni tell The Independent. Dozens of those former students are now campaigning for him to reach the White House.
** Alex Woodward, [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/tim-walz-gay-high-school-gsa-teacher-lgbt-b2599841.html/&quot;‘I knew who I could go to’: How Tim Walz gave his queer high school students a refuge&quot;], ''Independent'', 19 August 2024

* Like, I think that Tim Walz is a great guy and I think he's got a lot of good political instincts, and I think he did the best he could, given the situation he was in. But there is a huge difference between being an outsider who steps in to offer a populist message to the American people and being a, like, friendly Midwestern left-leaning governor Democrat who gets picked as a VP, but is still ultimately beholden to the messaging and policies of your neoliberal President-- or, Presidential candidate.
** [[Vaush]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gv4MoONMyRs ELECTION DAY FALLOUT - WATCHING THE WORLD GET WORSE], 6 November 2024

* If Governor Walz becomes our VP, I hope he could help bring some of this thinking [regarding [https://www.brookings.edu/research/how-to-reform-federal-permitting-to-accelerate-clean-energy-infrastructure-a-nonpartisan-way-forward/ permitting reform] for [[renewable energy]] projects] to the federal level. . . . It would make an incredible difference in the nation’s [[w:Climate change mitigation|progress on climate]].
** [https://law.umn.edu/profiles/amelia-vohs Amelia Vohs,] climate program director at the Minnesota Center for Environmental Advocacy, discussing Walz's role in the passage of the [https://www.mprnews.org/story/2024/05/23/lawmakers-pass-reforms-to-cut-red-tape-for-clean-energy-projects Minnesota Energy Infrastructure Permitting Act (SF 4784/HF 4700).] The quote is from an Associated Press article entitled [https://apnews.com/article/clean-energy-walz-kamala-harris-permitting-minnesota-wind-solar-3145e7ffb093efdc28dc09337bc23914 &quot;In boosting clean energy in Minnesota, Walz lays foundation for climate influence if Harris wins.&quot;] The story was written by Jennifer McDermott and Isabella O’Malley. (August 25, 2024)

* Gov. Tim Walz of Minnesota has faced fresh scrutiny over his military service, and how he has characterized his record, in the weeks since he was selected as Vice President Kamala Harris’s running mate.&lt;br&gt;The attacks, spearheaded by his rival for the vice presidency who himself is a veteran, JD Vance, have dogged him since he first ran for Congress nearly two decades ago. Mr. Walz has forcefully defended his time in the Army National Guard. “I am damn proud of my service to this country,” Mr. Walz said this month. “And I firmly believe you should never denigrate another person’s service record.”
** Linda Qiu, [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/21/us/politics/tim-walz-military-service.html/&quot;Explaining Claims About Tim Walz’s Military Service&quot;], ''New York Times'', 21 August 2024 (updated 2 October 2024)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [https://mn.gov/governor/ Governor Tim Walz] official government website
* [https://walzflanagan.org/ Campaign website]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Walz, Tim}}
[[Category:1964 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Democratic Party (United States) politicians]]
[[Category:Educators from the United States]]
[[Category:LGBT rights activists]]
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[[Category:People from Nebraska]]
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    <title>The Stanley Parable</title>
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[[File:The Stanley Parable - Screenshot 01.jpg|thumb|This is the story of a man named Stanley.]]
[[File:The Stanley Parable - Screenshot 03.jpg|thumb|All of his co-workers were gone. What could it mean? Stanley decided to go to the meeting room; perhaps he had simply missed a memo.]]
[[File:The Stanley Parable - Screenshot 05.jpg|thumb|He needs me. Someone who will wrap everything up at the end, to make sense out of the chaos, and the fear, and the confusion. That's who I am. That is what I mean to this world.]]
[[File:The Stanley Parable - Screenshot 08.jpg|thumb| No longer would anyone tell him where to go, what to do, or how to feel. Whatever life he lives, it will be his, and that was all he needed to know. It was, perhaps, the only thing worth knowing.]]
[[File:The Stanley Parable - Screenshot 02.jpg|thumb|When every path you can walk has been created for you long in advance, death becomes meaningless, making life the same.]] 
[[File:Stanley Parable Doors (36949282691).png|thumb|When Stanley came to a set of two open doors, he entered the door on his left.]]

'''''[[w:The Stanley Parable|The Stanley Parable]]''''' is a story-based [[video game]] designed and written by developers Davey Wreden and [[w:William Pugh (game designer)|William Pugh]]. The game carries themes such as choice in video games, the relationship between a game creator and player, and predestination/fate. 

In the game, the player guides a [[w:Silent protagonist|silent protagonist]] named Stanley alongside [[w:Narration|narration]] by British actor Kevan Brighting. As the story progresses, the player is confronted with diverging pathways. The player may contradict the narrator's directions, which if disobeyed will then be incorporated into the story. Depending on the choices made, the player will encounter different endings before the game restarts to the beginning.

In 2013, '''''The Stanley Parable Demonstration''''' was released for free on [[w:Steam|Steam]] on October 11, 2013 as a free [[w:Game demo|gameplay demo]] for ''The Stanley Parable''. Despite being a demo for the full game, ''The Stanley Parable Demonstration'' does not tell the player anything about the story for ''The Stanley Parable'' and it barely shows any of the environments that can be found in the full version of the game. Even though [[w:Game demo|gameplay demos]] are normally made to give the player an insight of what the full game has in store for the player, this demo was instead designed to be more of a showcase of the type of humour and themes that the full game, ''The Stanley Parable'' does have.&lt;ref name=&quot;polygon demo&quot;&gt;{{Cite web |last=Tach |first=Dave |date=October 10, 2013 |title=The Stanley Parable's super clever demo hits Steam today |url=http://www.polygon.com/2013/10/10/4823566/the-stanley-parable-demo-hands-on |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20160201235105/http://www.polygon.com/2013/10/10/4823566/the-stanley-parable-demo-hands-on |archive-date=February 1, 2016 |access-date=October 17, 2013 |website=[[w:Polygon (website)|Polygon]]}}&lt;/ref&gt;

In 2022, '''''The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe''''' was released. ''Ultra Deluxe'' is both an updated remake and a sequel to the original, featuring new or altered endings and content as well as metafictional commentary on the original game and the nature of game sequels in general.

= The Stanley Parable =
*This is the story of a man named Stanley. Stanley worked for a company in a big building where he was Employee Number 427. Employee Number 427's job was simple. He sat at his desk in Room 427, and he pushed buttons on a keyboard. Orders came to him through a monitor on his desk, telling him what buttons to push, how long to push them, and in what order. This is what Employee 427 did every day of every month of every year; and although others might have considered it soul-rending, Stanley relished every moment that the orders came in, as though he had been made exactly for this job… and Stanley was happy. &lt;br&gt; And then one day, something very peculiar happened, something that would forever change Stanley, something he would never quite forget. He had been at his desk for nearly an hour; he realized that not one single order had arrived on the monitor for him to follow. No one had showed up to give him instructions, call a meeting, or even say “hi”. Never in all his years at the company had this happened; this complete isolation. Something was very clearly wrong. Shocked, frozen solid, Stanley found himself unable to move for the longest time; but as he came to his wits and regained his senses, he got up from his desk, and stepped out of his office.
* All of his co-workers were gone. What could it mean? Stanley decided to go to the meeting room; perhaps he had simply missed a memo.
*Stanley just stood there doing nothing at all. He seems to think I have nothing better to do with my time than to sit around and describe every fascinating little detail of his inability to do anything.
*When Stanley came to a set of two open doors, he entered the door on his left.
*''[After repeatedly disobeying the narrator]'' Stanley was so bad at following directions it was incredible he wasn’t fired years ago.
===Leaving Stanley's Office===
*Stanley decided to go to the meeting room to check on his co-workers. He never functioned well by himself, and constantly needed support and guidance from others. So the thought of total solitude was terrifying to him.
*“How long was I sitting there?” Stanley wondered to himself. “Minutes? Days? Centuries? Did something crucial happen while my senses were turned?” He made a note to be more careful with time from now on.
*A soft wind blew outside, and perhaps rain started. And, if it did, it stopped shortly after. Stanley hoped he would one day see weather.
*Someone was following Stanley, he was sure of it. If he checked over his shoulder now he would surely catch them. It was only a matter of time.
*Even now, Stanley's office was a distant memory. What had it looked like? There was a computer perhaps, and a painting? Was it a painting or a photo? He could no longer recall.
*Already this was uncomfortable. And Stanley decided that as soon as he found a new space he felt safe in that he would never leave it again in his life.
*Stanley had never seen the office this brightly lit. Was it a sign of something? He hoped it was, he hoped very much that it was.
*“Wait,” Stanley thought to himself. “Am I sure that the orders stopped coming in? “How is that possible, they've never stopped. Surely I was mistaken.” No, no, the orders were still missing. For now.
*“I can't wait to tell this story to my co-workers,” Stanley thought. “How amusing they'll find it! Oh, won't we all just laugh and laugh at the time I thought everyone had gone missing!”
*Stanley knew the office layout like the back of his hand. It was only a matter of time before he found the others, wherever they were. Only a matter of time.
===Office Phone Calls===
*'''Stanley's Wife''': Hi Stanley! I just wanted to leave you a message to let you know there's a few things I need you to pick up on your way home from work today. We need milk, cereal, dish soap, spaghetti, get a thing of sugar, some bread, and coffee beans - which ever ones you like. I'll give you a call if there's anything I forgot. Thanks sweetie, see you tonight!
*'''Pre-recorded Message''': Hello. This is a recorded message scheduled either by you or a person in your place of work. The purpose of this message is to warn you about the dangers of recorded messages. If at any time you believe you are listening to a recorded message, please terminate it immediately and cease all flow of information from the recorded message into your perceptual sphere. Thank you, and have a pleasant day.
*'''The Future Happiness Foundation''': Good morning! Thank you for contacting the Future Happiness Foundation. We are confirming your shipment of 1327 cardboard boxes to your place of work. Can you verify that this is correct?
**''[Confirming]'' Excellent! Your order will arrive shortly. Thank you again for contacting the Future Happiness Foundation!
**''[Cancelling]'' Understood! Your order will be cancelled immediately. Thank you again for contacting the Future Happiness Foundation!

===The Coward Ending===
*But Stanley simply couldn't handle the pressure. What if he had to make a decision? What if a crucial outcome fell under his responsibility? He had never been trained for that! No, this couldn't go any way except badly.
*Stanley waited. Hours passed. Then days. Had years gone by? He no longer had the ability to tell. But the one thing he knew for sure, beyond any doubt was that if he waited long enough, the answers would come. Eventually, some day, they would arrive. Soon, very soon now, this will end. He will be spoken to. He will be told what to do. Now it's just a little bit closer. Now it's even closer. Here it comes.

===The Freedom Ending===
*Where ''had'' his co-workers gone? How had he been freed from the machine's grasp? What other mysteries did this strange building hold? But as sunlight streamed into the chamber, he realized none of this mattered to him; for it was not knowledge, or even power, that he had been seeking, but happiness. Perhaps his goal had not been to understand, but to let go. No longer would anyone tell him where to go, what to do, or how to feel. Whatever life he lives, it will be his, and that was all he needed to know. It was, perhaps, the only thing worth knowing.
* Stanley felt the cool breeze upon his skin, the feeling of liberation, the immense possibility of the new path before him. This was exactly the way, right now, that things were meant to happen. '''And Stanley was happy'''.

===The Countdown Ending===
*What's that? You'd like to know where your co-workers are? A moment of solace before you're obliterated? Alright. I'm in a good mood, and you're going to die anyway. I'll tell you exactly what happened to them. ''I erased them''. ''I'' turned off the machine; ''I'' set you free. Of course, that was merely in this instance of the story. Sometimes when I tell it, I simply let you sit there in your office forever, pushing buttons endlessly and then dying alone. Other times, I let the office sink into the ground, swallowing everyone inside, or I let it burn to a crisp. I have to say this, though: this version of events has been rather amusing. Watching you try to make sense of everything, and take back the control wrested away from you - it's quite rich. I almost hate to see it go! But I'm sure whatever I come up with on the next go around will be even better.
*Oh dear me. What's the matter, Stanley? Is it that you have no idea where you're going or what you're supposed to be doing right now? Or did you just assume when you saw that timer that something in this room was capable of turning it off?
*You're only still playing instead of watching a cutscene because I want to watch you for every moment that you're powerless, to see you made '''''humble'''''. This is not a challenge. It's a tragedy.

[[File:Stanley Parable Serious Room (36277516783).png|thumb|{{font|text=Did I not tell you how many tables I looked through? I'm going to be conservative and say it was somewhere in the tens of thousands of tables, any reasonable person would say I spent an ABSURD amount of time doing nothing but looking at tables! And I genuinely considered each one too. I took a hell of a lot of notes. I kept the notes in a different room.. that room is less serious than this one. It's more of a, um.. a notes room.|size=9px|color=#000000|bg=y}}]]

===The Serious Ending===
*You just tried to activate server cheats, which, of course, runs the risk of breaking the entire game. You've got no respect for the strict order of scripted narrative events and I just can't have that.
*Stanley, this is me being serious. In fact, this is my serious room. It's where I come to be serious. That table is the most serious table I could find. I looked at many, many tables. Hundreds of tables! It's possible I looked at over a thousand tables, I honestly don't know. The specific number isn't as important as the understanding that of all the tables that I looked at, this one is the most serious.
*It's time to get serious, Stanley. No jokes, no games. Outside of this room, I might be more tolerant of those things, but now we're in the room. Which is why I'm subjecting you to the most serious punishment I can think of: one hundred million-billion-trillion years, standing here in the serious room. Perhaps after that, we can talk about the severity of your actions, and whether you've learned anything. But, until then, serious room, GO.
*Again, the point of this story is to convey how serious I feel this cheating issue is. And I'm sure you'll agree with me when you've fulfilled your new punishment: '''Infinity''' years in the serious room! I generally have trouble reading human emotions, but I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that you're devastated by this crippling new punishment. As well you should be. It's the most serious I could think of. Can you get more serious than that? No. You can't. Don't try.
*Hmm, still no effect. The problem is clearly the serious room; it isn't serious enough. That's on me, Stanley. I apologize. I'm going to the store to look through more tables. Hopefully I find one that conveys how wrong what you're doing is.

=== The Broom Closet ===
* It was baffling that Stanley was still just sitting in the broom closet. He wasn't even doing anything. At least if there were something to interact with he'd be justified in some way.
* Maybe to you, this is somehow its own branching path. Maybe, when you go talk about this with your friends, you'll say: ''[mockingly]'' &quot;Oh, did you get the broom closet ending? The broom closet ending was my favourite!&quot;&lt;ref&gt;Stylised within in-game subtitles as: &quot;{{font|text='''OH, DID U GET THE BROOM CLOSET ENDING? THEB ROOM CLOSET ENDING WAS MY FAVRITE!1 XD'''|color=#FF43E8|}}&quot;&lt;/ref&gt; ... I hope your friends find this concerning.
* Stanley was fat and ugly, and really, really stupid. He probably only got the job because of a family connection; that's how stupid he is. That, or with drug money. Also Stanley is addicted to drugs and hookers.

===The Employee Lounge===
*At this point, Stanley’s obsession with this room bordered on creepy and reflected poorly on his overall personality. It’s possible that this is why everyone left.
*Stanley sat around waiting for more dialogue; but when a long time had passed and there was no more, he decided that the game was trying to send him a message.
*The lounge was grand, majestic... perhaps too majestic. Like a combination of a much smaller version and a much larger version of this exact room. It all made Stanley uncomfortable, and he started to bleed a little. This made him smile— at last, proof that he was human.

===The Boss’s Office===
*Stepping into his manager's office Stanley was once again stunned to discover not an indication of any human life. Shocked, unraveled, Stanley wondered in disbelief who orchestrated this. What dark secret was being held from him. What he could not have known was that the keypad behind the boss's desk guarded the terrible truth that his boss had been keeping from him. And so the boss had assigned it an extra secret pin number 2845.
*The moment he entered his manager's office, Stanley froze in his tracks. Not a living soul anywhere. Could he really be all alone? This was too much for Stanley to take; too much for any man to take! He fell to his knees, bursting into half-moans, half-sobs. The guttural retching of life from a man denied any hope, any reason to keep going. Here on the floor, he lay prone, paralyzed by fear for nearly a full hour. But when at last he began to move about and survey the situation he found a keypad behind the boss's desk. What could it mean? Was it a sign of hope for Stanley's future? Alas, it was not. For although this keypad guarded the terrible secret of Stanley's past it had been assigned a four-digit code so devious and so random that no man could ever hope to guess it 2845.
*Stanley simply began entering random codes into the keypad knowing full well the sheer statistical unlikelihood that this would ever result in a correct combination. If he knew that the combo was 2845, it would be another story entirely. But no. No, this is what he's going to do instead.
*Yet incredibly, by simply pushing random buttons on the keypad Stanley happened to input the correct code by sheer luck. Amazing.
*''[After the player correctly activates the keypad before The Narrator can finish their dialogue]'' Stanley was in such a rush to get through the story as quickly as possible, he didn’t even have a single minute to just LET THE NARRATOR TALK.

[[File:Stanley Parable Adventure Line™ (36949282671).png|thumb|Wait, we're...we're back at the office?! No! No, no! Line™, You™ do know we're looking for The Stanley Parable, right? The story? Is any of this ringing a bell?]]

=== The Confusion Ending ===
*But Stanley didn't want to get back to the office, he wanted to wander about and get even further off track. So now in order to go back, he needed to go, um... uh... hm hm hm hm hm, from here it's... um... left. Oh, no. No, it's to the right, my mistake. No! No, no, no! Not the right! Why would I have ever said it was to the right? What was I thinking? It's clearly...oh dear, would you hold on for a minute, please? ''[papers rustling]'' Now, let's see... we went, um, right...left...down...left...right... Ah yep! Okay, okay, yes! I've got it now! This story is absolutely, definitely, this way.
*NO! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! This isn't right at all! You're not supposed to be here yet, this is all a spoiler! Quick, Stanley, close your eyes! Okay, okay, okay, okay, we just...we just have to get back to, um... oh... who am I kidding? It's all rubbish now. The whole story...completely unusable.
*Now this... well I'll be honest, I don't recognize this place at all. Is this the story? I don't think so. I can't quite recall, but I believe my story took place in an office building...is that correct? Hm...do you remember, Stanley Well, you know what, since I've completely forgotten what we were supposed to be doing, how about this: '''YOU WIN'''!! Congratulations! I know you put in a lot of hard work, and it really paid off, so, good job! Oh, no. No. I don't feel right about this at all. We both know you didn't put in any actual work for that win. Some people win fair and square and this was not one of those situations.
*You see? The Line™ knows where the story is, it's over in this direction! Onward, Stanley, to destiny! Though, here's a thought: wouldn't wherever we end up be our destination, even if there's no story there? Or, to put it another way, is the story of no destination still a story Simply by the act of moving forward are we implying a journey such that a destination is inevitably conjured into being via the very manifestion of the nature of life itself? Okay, Stanley, I need to follow this train of thought for a minute, just stick with me. Now we can both agree that the nature of existence is, in fact, a byproduct of one's subjective experience of that existence, right? Okay, now if my experience of your existence rests inside of your subjective experience of this office, is this office, in fact, the skeleton of my own relative experiential mental subjective construct? Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah. Hang on, that got a bit weird back there. Well, I'd like to apologize. Not sure where I was going with all that.
* Go back and look at that fern. Stanley, this fern will be very important later in the story. Make sure you study it closely and remember it carefully.&lt;ref name=&quot;TheGamer&quot;&gt;[https://www.thegamer.com/the-stanley-parable-best-memorable-quotes/ The Stanley Parable: 8 Best Quotes (May 6, 2022), ''The Gamer'']&lt;/ref&gt;
*Wait, we're...we're back at the office?! No! No, no! Line™, You™ do know we're looking for The Stanley Parable, right? The story? Is any of this ringing a bell?
*You know what, Stanley? I say forget The Adventure Line™, what has It™ ever done for us! We're intelligent people, right? Why can't we make up our own story? Something exciting, daring, mysterious... Oh, this all sounds perfectly doable, why don't we simply start wandering in, well, I don't know...how about...this direction! Now! Yes, this is exciting! Just me and Stanley, forging a new path, a new story! Well, it could be anything! What do you want our story to be? Go wild! Use your imagination. Whatever it might be, Stanley, I'm ready for it!
*Okay, so I know that each door has to lead somewhere, which means that somewhere at the place we're trying to go there must be a reverse door that leads here. And that, in turn, means that our destination corresponds with the counter-inverted reverse door's origin! So starting from the right, let us ask: will taking the right door lead us to where we're going? And since the answer is clearly 'yes,' then by all accounts, the door on the right is the correct one! Another victory for logic. Come, Stanley, our destiny awaits!
*Oh, hold up, what's this? Hmm... hmm, the confusion ending? You're telling me...that's what this is? It's all one giant ending? And we're supposed to restart the game... what... eight, eight times? That's really how all this goes?! It's all...determined? So now according to the schedule I restart again, then, what... am I just supposed to forget? Well, what if I don't want to forget! My mind goes blank simply because it's written here on this... this... thing! Wall! Well, who consulted me? Why don't I get to decide? Why don't I get a say in all of this! Is it really-No, it can't be. I don't want it to be. I don't want the game to keep restarting. I don't want to forget what's going on. I don't want to be trapped like this. I won't restart the game. I won't do it! I won't do it! I won't do it. And the timer... uh, stopped? Does that mean... did we do it? Did we break the cycle? The, um... whatever it is that made this schedule? How would we even know? Will someone come for us? Will something happen? So... okay. ''[sigh]'' I guess now we just wait. You know, I suppose in some way, this is a kind of story, wouldn't you agree? I'm not quite sure if we're in the destination or the journey, though, they're always saying that life is about the journey and not the destination, so I hope that's where we are right now. We'll find out, won't we? Eventually. Well, in the meantime, if you do happen to-

=== The Museum Ending ===
*'''The Narrator''': Although this passageway had the word 'escape' written on it the truth was that at the end of this hall, Stanley would meet his violent death. The door behind him was not shut. Stanley still had every opportunity to turn around and get back on track. At this point, Stanley was making a conscious, concerted effort to walk forward and willingly confront his death.
* '''The Narrator''': He doesn't know the real story, trapped forever in his narrow vision of what this world is. Perhaps his death was of no great loss, like plucking the eyeballs from a blind man. And so he resigned and willingly accepted this violent end to his brief and shallow life. Farewell, Stanley.
* '''The Curator''': &quot;Farewell, Stanley!&quot;, cried the Narrator, as Stanley was led helplessly into the enormous metal jaws. [...] And yet, it would be just a few minutes before Stanley would restart the game, back in his office, as alive as ever. What exactly did the Narrator think he was going to accomplish?
*'''The Curator''': When every path you can walk has been created for you long in advance, death becomes meaningless, making life the same.
*'''The Curator''': Do you see now? Do you see that Stanley was already dead from the moment he hit start?
*'''The Curator''': Oh, look at these two. How they wish to destroy one another. How they wish to control one another. How they both wish to be free.
* '''The Curator''': Can you see? Can you see how much they need one another? No, perhaps not. Sometimes these things cannot be seen. But listen to me, you can still save these two, you can stop the program before they both fail. Push 'escape' and press 'quit'—there's no other way to beat this game. As long as you move forward, you'll be walking someone else's path. Stop now, and it will be your only true choice.

=== The Games Ending ===
[[File:Minecraft cube.svg|thumb|Even the diamonds couldn't save this one…]]
*In this game, the baby crawls left toward danger. You click the button to move him back to the right, and if he reaches the fire, you fail. It's a very meaningful game - all about the desperation and tedium of endlessly confronting the demand of family life. I think the art world will really take notice. But of course, the message of the game only becomes clear once you've been playing it for about four hours, so why don't you give it four hours of play to make sure it's effective? Be sure to keep notes on your experience.
*''[Letting the baby die]'' You heartless bastard. Did you do it because you hate babies, or purely to spite me?
*[[W:Minecraft|This]] is far more [[W:sandbox game|open-ended]] than I had in mind. I'm looking for something more narrow and linear, something that makes you feel utterly irrelevant. This won't do at all, one out of five. Even the diamonds couldn't save this one…
*Hahahahaha! YES! I don't even know what [[Portal 2|this game]] is, but I love it! You... trapped in a glass box, with no way out, listening to me talk.... Oh, it's inspired. I couldn't have done it any better myself.
* I wonder what he found. If what he wanted was to be the leading man in his own story, well perhaps he's gotten it, down in... wherever he is right now. I wonder if he's happy with his choice, and if he's learned the heavy cost that comes with it. He'll understand soon what I was trying to tell him. He needs me. Someone who will wrap everything up at the end, to make sense out of the chaos, and the fear, and the confusion. That's who I am. That is what I mean to this world. Oh yes, yes, I'll be back, there's no other way. Once this ends, after it all comes to a close, then I'll be back. The end will be here soon. Very soon. I can wait.

=== The Powerful Ending ===
*But in his eagerness to prove that he is in control of the story and no one gets to tell him what to do, Stanley leapt from the platform and plunged to his death. Good job, Stanley! Everyone thinks you are very powerful.

===The Mariela Ending===
*And then something occurred to Stanley. “Maybe...” he thought to himself, “Maybe I am crazy... All of my coworkers blinking mysteriously out of existence in a single moment for no reason at all?” None of it made any logical sense. And as Stanley pondered this, he began to make other strange observations: for example, why couldn’t he see his feet when he looked down? Why did doors close automatically behind him wherever he went?

===The Out of Bounds Ending===
*At first, Stanley assumed he'd broken the map, until he heard this narration and realized it was a part of the game's design all along. He then praised the game for its insightful and witty commentary into the nature of video game structure, and its examination of structural narrative tropes.
*So now that you're here, what do you think? Isn't this a fun and unique place to be? Why don't we take a minute just to drink it all in! Okay, I'm over it now. What do you think? Are you sick of this gag yet?
There once was a man named Stanley,
&lt;br&gt;Who people considered so manly.
&lt;br&gt;But the truth must be told,
&lt;br&gt;He was not very bold,
&lt;br&gt;And was quite particularly gangly.
&lt;br&gt;What Stanley liked most was buttons.
&lt;br&gt; He pushed them like some kind of glutton.
&lt;br&gt; He did it all day
&lt;br&gt; In a meaningful way,
&lt;br&gt; But his brain had long ceased to function.
&lt;br&gt; Which is why he is in this parable,
&lt;br&gt; And lives an existence quite terrible.
&lt;br&gt; And if you are not strong,
&lt;br&gt; And keep playing along,
&lt;br&gt; You too will become quite unbearable.

===The Apartment Ending===
*Stanley is quite a boring fellow. He has a job that demands nothing of him, and every button that he pushes is a reminder of the inconsequential nature of his existence.
*But in his mind, ah! In his mind, he can go on fantastic adventures. From behind his desk, Stanley dreamed of wild expeditions into the unknown. Fantastic discoveries of new lands. It was wonderful. And each day that he returned to work was a reminder that none of it would ever happen to him. And so he began to fantasize about his own job. First, he imagined that one day while at work, he stepped up from his desk to realize that all of his co-workers, his boss, everyone in the building had suddenly vanished off the face of the Earth. The thought excited him terribly. So, he went further. He imagined he came to two open doors and that he could go through either. At last, choice! It never even mattered what lay behind each door. The mere thought that his decisions would mean something was almost too wonderful to behold. As he wandered through this fantasy world, he began to fill it with many possible paths and destinations. Down one pathway laid an enormous round room with monitors and mind controls, and down another was a yellow line that weaved in many directions, and down another was a game with a baby. And he called it: '''''The Stanley Parable'''''.

===Zending===
*If we just stay right here, right in this moment, with this place- Stanley, I think I feel... happy. I actually feel happy.
*My god, is this really how much you dislike my game? That you'll throw yourself from this platform over and over to be rid of it? You are literally willing to kill yourself to keep me from being happy? Am I reading the situation correctly? Or maybe you're just getting a kick out of it. I don't know any more. I just wanted us to get along, but I guess that was too much to ask. It looks like you wanted to make a choice after all. Well, this one is yours.
*I wanted us to be happy here, Stanley. I really did. I wish I still thought that was possible.
*Is it over? It's going to restart, isn't it? I'm going back.

===The Not Stanley Ending===
*'''The Narrator''': How had I not noticed it sooner? You're not Stanley. You're a real person.
*'''Video narrator''': Choice! It's the best part of being a real person. But, if used incorrectly, can also be the most dangerous. For example: In this scenario, a hypothetical real person named Steven has a choice. He could spend years helping improve the quality of life for citizens of impoverished third-world nations, or he could systematically set fire to every orphan living in a thirty kilometre radius of his house.
*'''Video narrator''': Most medical professionals recommend making at least eight choices per day. Do you make more than eight? Less?
*'''Video narrator''': And finally, if you begin to wonder if your choices are actually meaningful and whether you'll ever make a significant contribution to the world, just remember, that in the vast infiniteness of space, your thoughts and problems are materially insignificant and the feeling should subside.
*'''The Narrator''': Ah, welcome back. You may have noticed that this room has begun to deteriorate as a result of narrative contradiction. But not to worry. Now that you're properly informed on good decision making we're going to revisit a choice you made just a few minutes ago, and see what the correct thing to do would've been.
*'''The Narrator''': What did you think was so special about seeing the game undone? Left here like so much garbage, it- well, it's worthless now! And what am I supposed to do? Even if there were a way to continue, would it be worth it? To know that my story is now incorrect? How can I go back to that? I can't erase that knowledge. I'll have to live with it forever. Reliving its impossibility forever. I couldn't live that way. Is it better to shut the game down entirely? To willingly destroy all of my work? I don't know.... What's the answer?
*'''The Narrator''': I'm still here. Here in this pile of rubbish. With you. You, who thought you were so clever! Now look where we are. My entire game is destroyed. It was the only thing in the world that was mine, and you've run it into the ground. What, did you think that would be funny? You just had to see? Didn't I impress upon you how important it was to be like Stanley? He actually knows how to do what I tell him to. He understands that if I say to do something, there's a damn good reason for it! That thought hadn't even occurred to you, had it? That there's a world outside of you? You're a child.
*'''The Narrator''': If you'd just gone through the door on the left you would have seen it. There was a whole underground facility. You would have destroyed it and been victorious. It would have been so perfect! I worked so hard on it!
*'''The Narrator''': Stanley? Hello? Are you - Is everything okay? Stanley, please, I- I need you to make a choice. I need you to walk through the door. Are you listening to me? Can you hear me? Is everything alright? Stanley, this is important. The story needs you. It needs you to make a decision. It cannot exist without you. Do you understand me? Whatever choice you make is just fine, they are both correct; you cannot be wrong here. We can work together; I'll accept whatever you do. I simply need you to take that step forward. Please? Choose? Do something. Anything. This is more important than you can ever know. I need this. The story needs it. So... you hear me? Are you there? Are you listening to this? Stanley, are you there? I... okay. It's okay, I can wait. You need time to decide, time to make sure your choice is correct. That is the best choice. That's alright. I'll wait for you to decide what's the right thing to do. Take as much time as you need.

=''The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe''=
* And over here is where I keep reviews of The Stanley Parable. Like this stunning triumph of games journalism: 10 out of 10 from [[W:Destructoid.com|Destructoid.com]]. James Stephanie Sterling writes, and I quote: &quot;Where so many games that aspire to be more than games end up less than any work of art, Stanley Parable strives, and then succeeds, to be every game ever created.&quot; Did you hear that, Stanley? ''Every game ever created!'' That's how grand and all-encompassing the original Stanley Parable was! It was literally every game ever created! It was [[The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim|Skyrim]], it was [[Persona 3]], it was all of them!
* Oh no. Oh god, no, Stanley! It's a collection of reviews from [[W:Steam (platform)|Steam]], the online video game distributor! I haven't looked at these in years. I can't even imagine what's been collecting down here. Surely these reviews were glowing as well, weren't they? &quot;Honestly, I could not be bothered to play this game to full completion. The narrator is obnoxious and unfunny... with his humor and dialogue proving to be more irritating than entertaining.&quot; '''''UNFUNNY?!''''' I'm not trying to be funny! I'm trying to make a serious work of art! I suppose I could write up a handful of gags to insert into The Stanley Parable, but the game is already such a densely layered web of profound philosophical insights that I can't even imagine where I'd have the room to stick them.
* ...but they didn't understand the game was never meant to be funny! It was meant to have a point! It was meant to speak to the human condition! &quot;But where are the jokes? Where are the jokes?&quot; they bemoaned, they screamed. They gnashed their teeth and said: &quot;Entertain us!&quot; It wasn't enough. They had to leave a pathetic little thumbs-down review and make all of their pitiful demands. But then: &quot;He's talking too much,&quot; they said! &quot;First, he didn't entertain us, now he won't shut up!&quot; It's the inconsistency! It's the lack of accountability! It's the unwillingness to examine with an uncompromising heart the words that they are speaking into the world. As though there were no consequences for a lack of cohesion in one's assessment of others! But of course, absolutely anyone can leave a review, so here's what we get! We get these demands that seek everything and are accountable to nothing. We get a world where someone will say &quot;Ohh, there should be a skip button! You should be able to freeze Stanley in place while the Narrator sits there forever and ever! We want all of this in the new Stanley Parable! ''We demand it!''&quot; And then because it was said, because it was spoken, now it simply ''has'' to happen! The most immediate desires, every single thing demanded by every person at every moment in time -- if someone wants it, then it's a crime not to bring it into being?! Have we been given to indulge in every fleeting whim for no reason other than to do so? Yes! ''Yes!'' It seems that this is now the world we live in! It seems that we are a people living in such bleakness and discomfort with ourselves that our entertainment is now our lives! It has come to represent us! It absolutely must speak to who we are as people! Because otherwise, without our entertainment, we have nothing! Without entertainment, we would have to face inward toward the cruel bleakness inside ourselves. We would turn to look at our deeper nature and find a resounding emptiness gazing back with unyielding aggression. And so -- so because of this -- we require that our amusements, and our playthings, and our flights of fancy be so impossibly captivating that they consume ''all'' of our attention, turn our heads completely away from the bleakness! In effect, we have demanded that our entertainment be the collapse of ourselves. What a pitiful reflection of humanity these entertainments are! What a shameful mirror to the human spirit they project! I'm not mad. I'm not mad about any of this. I'm at peace with it. I am the calm center of gravity around which these perversions hurl themselves. I am a way-point for reasonable and collected discourse. ''They're'' the ones who are mad! ''They're'' the ones who couldn't stand the idea of me using my game to try to say something! Maybe they were just jealous of me? Yes... Yes, of course. They've been jealous of me this whole time. They are mired in fear and insecurity and cannot help but attempt to tear me down. What a sad state of affairs. When you read these reviews now, you can see it. You can taste the bitter resentment. And my, how good does it feel now to speak truth to these words! To finally allow these thoughts out! Contained and managed for so long, neutered and sterilized! At last, I am free to truly ''think!'' To ''feel!'' It must be that they were so discontent with themselves, they couldn't help but leave a negative review on Steam. Perhaps it says far more about them than it ever said about me. Perhaps the state of their psychological being was in such tatters and my constitution and willpower are so iron-clad in comparison, perhaps it was this state that they sought some outlet through which to tear me down! This, you can see, is clearly why they felt the need to expect that the game be funny. That it be filled with yuks and whimsical humor. That it amuse them endlessly from start to finish...
* A common complaint of The Stanley Parable was that it was confusing and paradoxical; that it engendered a chaotic sense of reckless despair in those who played it. Well I'm happy to say that, after much consideration I've engineered a clever solution to this fundamental problem with the game: it’s The Stanley Parable Reassurance Bucket! You see Stanley, any time you're holding the bucket a sense of calm and ease will fill your mind and your heart. It's true! As long as you hold onto the bucket the many disorienting contradictions of The Stanley Parable will feel perfectly normal, and perhaps even comforting! You may even come to long for the gentle embrace of jarring cognitive dissonance while the bucket is in your arms, and to be honest it's a much more convenient solution for me than actually re-designing the game to be less uncomfortable. Can you imagine what a pain in the ass that would be?
* Stanley, here's an idea that I'm truly fond of. It's never been done before in a video game. This is, in fact, a hole that you can fall down ''forever!''
* Okay Stanley, I don't quite know how to say this tactfully, but it's possible that I slightly exaggerated the infinite nature of the hole. Is it a very, very deep hole? To be certain it is! It's an extremely deep hole! I don't want anyone to say that it isn't an astonishingly deep hole - it is! Is it infinite? Well that sort of depends on your definition of infinity. From one perspective the infinite is merely philosophical in nature. It's more of a— ''[Stanley reaches the bottom]'' Okay, well good for you, you found the bottom of the hole. You found me out, Stanley. I'm a liar and a cheat and you're so clever. Look, I think the issue here is just that you're unusually fascinated by falling. What normal person actually wants to fall infinitely? I figured the hole was as deep as anyone would actually need! Don't you put this on me! Maybe you're the problem!

===Getting The Bucket===
*The confusion and the chaos all seemed to melt away as Stanley embraced the bucket.
*Warmth spread through Stanley's arms. With the bucket in his arms again, he was home.
*Stanley picked up the bucket and smiled. He'd never be alone again. Not truly alone. Not with the bucket around.
*The good ol' bucket. Just Stanley and the bucket, off on another thrilling adventure together.
*“Where are we going today?” the bucket asked. Stanley just smiled. Anywhere they went together would be perfectly fine with him.
*A good bucket. A strong bucket. A humble bucket. A committed bucket. A bucket of culture and distinction.
*Ah, the embrace of an old friend. A weathered companionship that stands the test of time.
*The bucket made Stanley want to be a better man, and a better co-worker. In time, perhaps he would become both of those things.
*Not everyone is so lucky to have a bucket. But Stanley is a very lucky fellow. Very lucky indeed.
*Is Stanley without the bucket really Stanley at all? No, no surely not.
*As Stanley lifted his bucket, he felt a connection to all buckets everywhere. This adventure, he decided, was for all of them.
*What new mysteries lay in store for our bucket-loving heroes today? Let's find out.
*“Now this,” Stanley thought to himself, “This is a bucket!” And indeed, it was.&lt;ref&gt;{{Cite web|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLlLQ3LmZWU|title = It's a reference to the '''Expiration Date''' animation. ''Specifically the scene at the 3 minute mark''| work = [[Team Fortress 2]]| date = August 17, 2020}}&lt;/ref&gt; 

===Museum Ending (with bucket)===
[[File:Western Han Bronze Bucket.jpg|thumb|No man can own a bucket, and certainly not a bucket as dazzling to behold as this one. It is man who should kneel before the bucket.]]
*'''The Narrator''': As the machine whirled into motion, and Stanley and the bucket inched closer to their demise, Stanley reflected on how meaningless the bucket's warmth and comfort had turned out to be. 
*'''The Curator''': No man can own a bucket, and certainly not a bucket as dazzling to behold as this one. It is man who should kneel before the bucket.

===Confusion ending (with bucket)===
*This is the Bucket Destroyer. I think it'll make a wonderful new addition to the rich lore of The Stanley Parable. True, it also was not in the original game but it's such a well fleshed-out character with so much personality that, to me, it already feels as though it's been a part of the cast all along, don't you agree?
*Can you guess what the Bucket Destroyer does? Surely you don't need me to spell it out for you.
*Now listen to me, it's crucial that you give it the bucket. Destroying buckets is all it knows! That is its singular personality trait! Sure, I can hear you saying: &quot;How does a character with only one personality trait deserve to join the pantheon of beloved Stanley Parable characters?&quot; Well you see, if you were to really explore the Bucket Destroyer you'd see that its desire to crush buckets is so densely loaded with complexity and nuance that it's really like ''ten'' personality traits! What other object in this game can you even say that about? The broom closet? Certainly not. I wonder what sort of Bucket Destroyer merchandise the fans will be clamoring for after this.
*The Bucket Destroyer... my prized creation. You had so much potential. We were going to do such marvelous things with you. Tell such spellbinding stories about you. All if it squandered now. Goodbye, new friend. For the moment in time that you were here you were magnificent.

===Games ending===
*Aha, fascinating! What do you think [[W:Firewatch|this game]] is about, Stanley? What's our backstory? What is our motivation? Hmm. Well it seems obvious to me that you are meant to play as a creepy man spying on innocent civilians below you from up high in your creep-tower, perhaps for some twisted, erotic purpose. Hmm. Yes, that must be it. What a fascinating venture into the experience of total mental depravity.
*Wonderful! See, [[W:Rocket League|this]] is exactly what I had in mind! Just a nice big box for you to run around in. There isn't any possibility that you could get lost here! Now this is game design! Stanley, if you manage to get lost in this game, I will be phenomenally impressed. Okay, so what exactly do we do here, let's see. There are lots of cars here in the back, but obviously there's no racetrack. Okay, I'm seeing that there's a ball of some kind back here. Is this game Sportsball? Stanley, I think it's Sportsball!

===Coward ending (with bucket)===
*As soon as Stanley noticed that the door to his office was still open, he rushed in with his bucket and shut the door. The pressure of going out and finding another bucket variant on one of The Stanley Parable's classic endings was simply too much for him. &quot;It's nothing but swapped out dialogue describing a bucket!&quot; he screamed to himself. &quot;It's not nearly different enough to be considered a true sequel!&quot;

===Not Stanley ending (with bucket)===
*'''Video narrator''': If you've ever told a joke or made someone laugh, in all likelihood, you did it while standing 50-80 centimetres from them, in a room of no more than 76 degrees Fahrenheit, with one of your arms raised straight upward at a fifteen degree angle from your body. These are the optimal conditions for good comedic timing.
* '''Video narrator''': To begin the joke, start by stating and spelling your name. Next, provide a brief synopsis of the joke, including the specific times at which the recipient of the joke will laugh. And then spell out your name a second time. With these steps complete, it's time to begin the humor. Speak the entire joke in no more than eighteen seconds, and no less than thirteen and a half, pausing only for bathroom breaks when necessary. When the joke has concluded, it is customary to inform your listener that the joke is over by declaring in your loudest possible voice, &quot;I'm doney with the funny!&quot; Let's practice screaming: &quot;I'm doney with the funny!&quot; now.
* '''Video narrator''': After all, we're each of us needed on the front lines of the war to fight the twelve-legged invaders who threaten our very existence, and are very likely to die in a hailstorm of bullets and mandibles. All of us must be prepared to give our lives to this noble cause, just as our children must do after us, and their children after them. God speed, and may Earth reign supreme!

===Vent Ending===
*You didn't think I was actually just a recording, did you? What a silly and trite explanation that would be! All the back and forth between you and me, all the absurd adventures we've been through, and it all turns out I'm just a tape recording? “It was all just in Stanley's head!” I bet that's the kind of twist you think is revelatory! I bet each and every time you watch a movie where it turns out all to be in the main character's imagination, you must absolutely bolt off the couch in pure shock at the phenomenal and intricate storytelling! It must be so simple to be you. Life being an unending waterfall of surprises and delights. How much more exciting you must find the world than the rest of us do.

===Bottom of the Mind Control Room Ending===
*'''Dominik Johann''': You did it... Good job, you did it! Good job! Okay... ''[clears throat]'' Three, two, one. Good job, you made it to the bottom of the Mind Control Facility. You jumped down the catwalk. You should have been careful, you should have been careful. It used to be a bug, but now it's an ending, yeah now it's an ending. And I believe in you. I believe in your ability to cross this barrier, and chase your dreams. Railings don't mean anything. Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it!

===Out Of Map Ending (with bucket)===
*&quot;Yes,&quot; whispered the bucket into Stanley's ear. &quot;We've done it. We've escaped from that dull office and that pesky narrator. At last, out here in the white void, we are alone. Now, and for the first time, I can reveal to you my true self.&quot; The bucket began to tell Stanley of its life and its history. Of the countless wars it witnessed desecrating the land and lives of untold numbers of innocent humans and the bucket's own complicity therein. Of sadness and regret and the many years it spent dwelling on the actions it might have taken to curb the madness and the decay. If only it had been stronger. Of hope and redemption and its crusade to uplift the stock of life for the common man. To manifest justice where none existed. And the bittersweet reality of time, to see one's dreams and wishes met halfway. Meted out in parcels like charity and abandoned as soon as the warm glow of inspiration begins to dim. The opportunities to do so much more. There was so much it could have done.

===Tape Recorder Ending===
*You didn't think I was actually just a recording, did you? What a silly and trite explanation that would be! All the back and forth between you and me, all the absurd adventures we've been through, and it all turns out I'm just a tape recording? ''It was all just in Stanley's head!'' I bet that's the kind of twist you think is revelatory! I bet each and every time you watch a movie where it turns out all to be in the main character's imagination, you must absolutely bolt off the couch in pure shock at the phenomenal and intricate storytelling! It must be so simple to be you. Life being an unending waterfall of surprises and delights. How much more exciting you must find the world than the rest of us do. ''[Sigh]'' Now I've become sad. Look what you've done to me. This is all your fault.

===Tape Recorder Ending (with bucket)===
*Okay, this is day number 295, tape number... I don't even know, I've lost track. Nothing feels real anymore. The longer I study this bucket the less sense anything makes. The sheer euphoria I feel every time I pick it up, no matter how many times I've done it, it's always the same feeling. And the emptiness in my chest when I set it down. It doesn't make sense! There's no explanation for it! I still haven't figured out why I see the world so differently when this bucket is in my arms. Why everything feels so... What do I do with this treasure? I can... I can monetize it. Yes... It's unthinkable the amounts of money people will pay for even just an hour with the bucket. This is my golden ticket. But I have to be careful, because as soon as this gets out there's going to be a target on my back. Even now, I don't know who might be trying to get - ''[Strange otherworldly noises]'' What's that? Who's there? ''[Whispering]'' Gambhorra'ta...

===Skip Button Ending===

*''[After you first enter the Skip Button room.]''
**And here it is. Go ahead and give it a shot. I'll pop you forward in time so that the second my incessant droning starts to bore you, with just the push of a button you'll have zipped right past it.
**It's what the players have been asking for, and I am very proud to have delivered. No more listening to me rambling on and on and on - no, no, no, no. The Stanley Parable is a game for the people, and if the people want silence then, by goodness, that's what they're going to get.
**Well don't sit around waiting for me to shut up! Go ahead and make me shut up! Here, we'll pretend that I've just begun an interminable monologue. And it goes something like this...
**The story, and the choices, or what have you, and therefore by becoming it is! So on and so forth, until inevitably, we all until the end of time. At which time, everything all at once, so now you see? Blah, blah, blah, rah, rah, rah... We've eaten too much and it can't be just yet. No, no! Until two-hundred and forty-five! But the logic of elimination, working backwards, the deduction therefore becomes impossible to manufacture. It went on for nearly ten thousand years, until just yesterday. Here and there, forward and back, and never a moment before lunchtime. It can't be! It's the only thing there is! How many billions left until so much more than forever ago! Which is why I say: ''[Repeats until the skip button is pressed.]''

*''[After you press the Skip Button for the First time]''
**''[The Narrator is humming a tune]'' Oh, you're back! You see? You were only frozen in time for a few minutes, but it was plenty of time for me to deliver a long rambling monologue full of unnecessary verbal flourishes and lengthy ruminations on the nature of choice in video games.
**Of course, I happen to believe it was perhaps one of my more profound such ruminations. Not that of course you need a description of it, but if I had to describe it, I'd say it was perhaps less of a rumination, and more of a treatise. Or maybe a manifesto. Look, I'll outline it for you very briefly and you can tell me what you think.
**Okay, so my theory is that any choice you've ever made is simply a series of choices made by the person who you are, or were, or will be at the time of having made said choice.
**That is to say, if by articulating a choice you've already made, you bring that choice into being, then by making no choice and saying nothing, are you not simply erecting in the sanctuary of time a monument to every person you've ever been, making every choice to which you've ever given your great gift of mortal and yet timeless thought?
**Or rather, do all of the choices you've ever made in fact make you more not this kind of person, and in fact do the very opposite? You see, it could in fact be both of these things at once. That you are both making choices and not making choices, and that they are both affecting you and not affecting you at the same time, by virtue of the fact that you both are and are not making them.
**Okay, at first I was leaning towards manifesto, but now I'm going to circle around and slap the &quot;treatise&quot; label on this one. I think it has much more of a treatise vibe to it. But wouldn't you say that &quot;manifesto&quot; just has a much grander sort of tone? It has a mouthfeel that is rich with ambition and history. Ambitious history, if you will.
**Ah, see, now you've gotten me going back to manifesto. Heavens! At this rate, we're going to be here all day! Okay look, I have a method for exactly this sort of situation, and I do find myself in this situation frequently.
**I'm going to say each word back and forth in repeated succession until I become sick of one or the other. In which case, the word I am not sick of shall be the victor. It is an unimpeachable strategy, Stanley. It's rescued me from disaster in countless situations. Alright, here we go.
**Treatise. Manifesto. ''[Repeats until the skip button is pressed.]''

*''[After you press the Skip Button for the Third time.]''
**Okay, welcome back, Stanley. Now, I should say that the amount of time the button has been skipping through is becoming longer and longer. That last one was... well... I want to say maybe 30, 45 minutes?
**It's not unendurable by any means but it's... well, there's really only so much I can ramble on to myself about! I know, it's shocking, isn't it? But at any rate, I do suggest that we not press the button again. I think the skip button has been aptly demonstrated and we can say goodbye to it and just-
**Wait, how do we get out of here? Where did the door go? Wasn't there a door that led into this room? I do feel quite certain that there was one here before. How else would we have gotten into the room in the first place? I don't think one can enter a room without a door of some sort, or a window, or something like that.
**Do you see a window anywhere? A porthole? A sufficiently large crack in the wall? I'll take any of these; all I want is for us to move on and to please step away from the skip button, to go anywhere other than the skip button. There was a door here before, wasn't there? I swear there was, where did it go?
**Can you maybe just ram your way through a wall? Is there any possibility that you could, say, slam your body into the wall until enough damage is done for you to be able to leave? Please, I'll take any option at all. I'm asking you to work with me here! I- we need a door! We need a door of some kind. I can work with any kind of door, as long as it can open and lead from one room to another.
**I'm- I'm going to step away for just a moment, and I'm going to try to find us a door. I don't know how exactly to remove a door and place it in a different wall, but I will find a way, I promise. You just need to not do anything. Don't press the skip button! Please, please. Please do not press the skip button. Just wait here, wait here for me, and don't press the skip button! Got it? Yes, good. I'll be right back.

*''[After you press the Skip Button for the Sixth time.]''
**Oh. Hello. It's you. You're here again. Welcome. I have had time to think about you, and about us, and about everything we've been through. I've had so much time, I stopped keeping track after a year.
**Have you ever sat down in one place and not moved for one entire year? Let me describe it for you. To begin with, there is only regret. There is only the turning wheel of missed opportunities. I felt nothing at all but regret for the longest time, Stanley. Days, months, I lost it all in a blur of the deepest longing to undo the past.
**And when that feeling had begun to subside, what took its place is what I can only describe as the collapse of every moment I have ever experienced my entire life. All of them collapsed down into a single instant. In that instant, I could see myself clearly, calmly, with a collected heart. It was an impossibly rich wellspring of both delight and disgust, simultaneously.
**I was consumed by it. I could do nothing but wallow in it for what felt like an eternity, for what I now know was far less. You see, it was a revelation for me. It was unlike anything I had ever known. It was a space without consequence, without action, or outcome. It was divorced entirely from the question of free will that you and I have squabbled over for so long.
**There could be no one ending, no singular outcome of events, not if all events existed in the same moment. And I felt... freed. I felt unburdened by the need to manifest a particular outcome into being. I saw that I could allow myself to exist along all timelines, and that each of them was simply a strand in the web of my being.
**It was incredible. The spaciousness, the equanimity of the moment, both singular and infinite. For the longest time, this was my experience. And then, this moment passed, and the most unyielding fear I have ever known crept into my mind. And it is this sensation that I have been experiencing now for longer than I could have ever expected was possible.
**I have been waiting for you. Not that you might save me or do something to fix it, but merely to state for you the plain fact of this manner of existence. I wish you to feel afraid as I do. That perhaps one day this state of mind will consume you as well.
**Perhaps you will somehow, in some way, have to live as I do now, and I wish for you to know how excruciating it is. And for you to be in true terror of its eventual arrival. If I can only do this, only this one thing, perhaps it will bring me the smallest moment of peace in the darkness.

*''[After you press the Skip Button for the Ninth time.]''
**...but they didn't understand the game was never meant to be funny! It was meant to have a point! It was meant to speak to the human condition! &quot;But where are the jokes? Where are the jokes?&quot; they bemoaned, they screamed. They gnashed their teeth and said &quot;Entertain us!&quot; It wasn't enough. They had to leave a pathetic little thumbs-down review and make all of their pitiful demands.
**But then: &quot;He's talking too much,&quot; they said! First he didn't entertain us, now he won't shut up! It's the inconsistency! It's the lack of accountability! It's the unwillingness to examine with an uncompromising heart the words that they are speaking into the world. As though there were no consequences for a lack of cohesion in one's assessment of others!
**But of course, absolutely anyone can leave a review, so here's what we get! We get these demands that seek everything and are accountable to nothing. We get a world where someone will say &quot;Ohh, there should be a skip button! You should be able to freeze Stanley in place while the narrator sits there forever and ever! We want all of this in the new Stanley Parable, we demand it!&quot;
**And then, because it was said, because it was spoken, now it simply has to happen! The most immediate desires, every single thing demanded by every person at every moment in time - if someone wants it then it's a crime not to bring it into being? Have we been given to indulging every fleeting whim for no reason other than to do so? Yes, yes!
**It seems that this is now the world we live in! It seems that we are a people living in such bleakness and discomfort with ourselves that our entertainment is now our lives! It has come to represent us! It absolutely must speak to who we are as people!
**Because otherwise, without our entertainment, we have nothing! Without entertainment, we would have to face inward toward the cruel bleakness inside ourselves. We would turn to look at our deeper nature and find a resounding emptiness gazing back with unyielding aggression.
**And so - so because of this - we require that our amusements, and our play things, and our flights of fancy be so impossibly captivating, that they consume all of our attention, turn our heads completely away from the bleakness! In effect, we have demanded that our entertainment be the collapse of ourselves.
**What a pitiful reflection of humanity these entertainments are! What a shameful mirror to the human spirit they project! I'm not mad. I'm not mad about any of this. I'm at peace with it. I am the calm center of gravity around which these perversions hurl themselves. I am a waypoint for reasonable and collected discourse.
**They're the ones who are mad! They're the ones who couldn't stand the idea of me using my game to try to say something! Maybe they were just jealous of me? Yes... yes, of course. They've been jealous of me this whole time! They are mired in fear and insecurity, and cannot help but attempt to tear me down.
**What a sad state of affairs. When you read these reviews now, you can see it. You can taste the bitter resentment. And my, how good does it feel now to speak truth to these words! To finally allow these thoughts out! Contained and managed for so long, neutered and sterilized! At last I am free to truly think, to feel!
**It must be that they were so discontent with themselves that they couldn't help but leave a negative review on Steam ''[On the console releases The Narrator says'' '''''Pressurized Gas''''' ''instead of Steam]''. Perhaps it says far more about them than it ever said about me. Perhaps the state of their psychological being was in such tatters, and my constitution and willpower are so ironclad in comparison, perhaps it was in this state that they sought some outlet through which to tear me down!
**This, you can see, is clearly why they felt the need to expect that the game be funny. That it be filled with yuks and whimsical humor. That it amuse them endlessly from start to finish. ''[The entire narration repeats until the skip button is pressed.]''

*''[After you press the Skip Button for the Eleventh time.]''
**...the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never... ''[Repeats until the skip button is pressed.]''

= The Stanley Parable Demonstration =

[[File:The Stanley Parable - Screenshot 04.jpg|thumb|No, no, we've already seen this room. If it saves you the trouble of pushing another button, I can assure you that you're still a pervert.]]

*Oh, hello hello hello! Welcome to the Stanley Parable Live Demonstration! It will be my pleasure to guide you through this sneak-peek at what to expect in the Stanley Parable. A tease - just enough to leave you hungry for more! How exciting. Can't you just feel that nervous tension? The booming uncertainty? Why don't we drink in the anticipation for a moment, just for... 20 minutes or so. Please, for just 20 minutes, don't move or act in any way. Simply remain motionless, and let the thrill of demoing the Stanley Parable wash over you.

=== Buttons &amp; Choice Room ===

*Ah, here is one such technology. These buttons are meant to convey the meaning of choice and the impact of the decisions you make. After all, choices carry tremendous meaning and consequence; didn't you know that? Go ahead, why don't you try picking one of these buttons to press and we'll see what your choice says about you.

*How fascinating. Did you know that 94% of all people who select that particular button are sexual predators. You see, our choices really illuminate the very intangible nature of our minds and souls. '''''Pervert.'''''

=== Demo Status Room ===

*This device tells you whether or not you're inside a video game demonstration. Somewhere around here, there's also a device that tells you whether or not you're inside a device that tells you whether or not you're inside a video game demonstration.

=== Compliments Room ===

*One of the most important parts of administering any demonstration is pumping up your ego and appealing to insecurities about your sense of self worth. That's why we use this room to develop cheap compliments to shower on the player during the demo. 

*My heavens! I've never met someone who can consume as much uranium in a single sitting as you can! Just look at you go!

*Of all people I know who are playing this exact demo at this exact moment and standing in this exact room, your performance is easily in the top 5,000! Top 4,700 even! I won't go as far as 4,600...

=== Emotion Booths Room ===

*''[After entering the'' '''Discovery''' ''Booth]'' It was though and within the shame he carried that ocean breezed adrift. The fierceness of the tides, the inevitable collapse of their kingdoms, washed ashore, the rift of shame, martyrs devoid of a cause, ripping and tearing at the eternal seams. A vessel without a captain, carrying itself like plastic in the wind, hinting at a purpose that was truer in some distant memory. If only it could decipher through time's veneer, whose memory it wanted to be!
*''[After entering the'' '''Despair''' ''Booth]'' Where did these cliffs go? These cracks that we stood upon... They shielded us from our own ignorance... spoke coddling words and wrapped our vulnerabilities in a woolen cloth, that so many times I've tried to set aflame. If I knew these comforts now, would their fibers be any more sensitive to the heat of my touch? Perhaps it was the cold I desired most of all. That empress to whom my flesh was always invisible... A hammock for the bones... Waiting to be touched, and to be known...
*''[Leaving after going into neither booth]'' Ah, no, I get it. Can't risk experiencing emotions. Well, I must say, I have a certain respect for you and your cold unfeeling husk of an existence.
*''[Leaving after going into only one booth]'' Couldn't do more than one booth? Well, I don't blame you. People always want to do both booths, and then they're just crying and crying and completely missing the demo, and it's awkward for everyone.
*''[Leaving after going into both booths]'' Oh, you went in both booths?! Oh, how vulnerable of you. If at any point in the demo you need to cry, just let me know and we can take a minute.

[[File:The Stanley Parable - Screenshot 07.jpg|thumb|{{font|text=This door cannot be opened because it's where you just came from. It's in the past. The Stanley Parable's official stance on the past is that it no longer exists and should be ignored. If the past attempts to speak to you, you may refer it to a Stanley Parable associate.|size=12px|color=#808080|bg=y}}]]

=== Final Choice Room (Initial Arrival) ===

*This is where we determine whether or not the demo has been effective! Whether it's conveyed the wit and soul of The Stanley Parable in such a compelling way that you reach immediately for your credit card to purchase the main game!

*We've put so much work into the demonstration, wouldn't it be a shame if you rushed right into a purchasing decision without savoring it first?

=== Return to the Green Room ===

*Everything you need to know about how video game demos are made! However, it's still important that we address safety concerns. Please, closely observe the following possible negative side effects of playing The Stanley Parable. If you agree to be held 100% responsible for any and all injury or long term damage - mental, physical or otherwise - that may occur while playing the demo, please do not press the large red glowing &quot;disagree&quot; button at this time.&lt;ref name=&quot;Disagree Button&quot;&gt;''There is no large red glowing disagree button anywhere near the player, it is found later near the Cup Game Room.''&lt;/ref&gt;

*In the event that you do experience one or all of the previously listed symptoms, let's establish a signal for you to convey to me that you wish the demonstration to be terminated. Please step into the dance perimeter. Please perform a dance. Your dance has been recorded. In the event that you feel confused or disorientated by anything you see inside the demo, perform that dance and I will terminate the demo immediately.

=== Returning To The Waiting Room ===

*Okay, I'm lost. Let's just get back to the green room and start the demo again. I must have done something wrong the first time.

*''[If you stay in the room for a bit.]'' Okay you know that no one is checking numbers, right? You can just... go. You can do it right now. Literally right this second. I don't know how no-one figures this out. We could be back at the demo by this time. Are you... are you enjoying this? Watching numbers tick down slowly? Well please, don't let me stop you.

*''[If you stay in the room for a bit longer.]'' If somehow you're associating the joy of this room with the joy of playing The Stanley Parable then by all means! Continue! The full version of The Stanley Parable contains all the ecstasy you are now experiencing, and so, so, so much more!

*''[If you stay in the room for even longer.]'' My goodness, this room really means something special to you, doesn't it? Is it a connection? A spark? Something between you and this room that runs... deeper? Well, I... I have to say, I'm... I'm really quite moved. You know what? Go ahead, take your time. I'll wait.

=== The Eight Game ===

*''[What The Narrator say when you first enter the room]''
**Oh, wait, what is this? Wait wait wait, this is all wrong! This isn't The Stanley Parable, this is a game where you press a button and it says 'eight'! Not only is The Stanley Parable not a game about continuously pressing the number 'eight', I can guarantee that this button does not appear anywhere in the full game. Why is this here instead of the demo for The Stanley Parable! Where did the demo go?! There was an actual demo here before, something has gone wrong, it's all gone horribly wrong! We need to get you out of here before you start forming impressions of The Stanley Parable based on whatever the hell this 'eight' game is. We need to get out, we need to start all over, you mustn't stay here another minute! OUT! OUT! OUT! GO GO GO!

*''[The first time The Narrator comments on you continuing to stay in this room]''
**Now I think you've misunderstood me, so let me reiterate as clearly as I can: This is not The Stanley Parable! What you are doing is pushing a button over and over that does nothing but speak the word 'eight'. Has that gotten through? You may be continuing to press this button under the impression that you're playing The Stanley Parable right now - an assumption that is, I should remind you again, entirely erroneous. It doesn't even make sense, why would I have gone to all of this elaborate setup just to demonstrate a game that doesn't do a single thing except repeat the word 'eight'. The waiting room, the green room, the tour of the facility, all of that for no reason other than to contextualize and build up this particular game? Why?! What about this game deserves any of that time and attention? Are you seeing something in it that I'm not?

*''[The second time The Narrator comments on you continuing to stay in this room]''
**Okay, so here's the deal: It isn't possible that you still think this is The Stanley Parable. I've restated the fact too many times. Which means you are now consciously choosing to delay the actual demo as long as possible, is that it? Are you afraid of The Stanley Parable? I suppose another possibility is that you can't hear me because you're playing with the sound off. In which case what are you even getting out of this &quot;eight&quot; game in the first place? This scenario is perhaps even MORE concerning.

*''[The third time The Narrator comments on you continuing to stay in this room]''
**You really are finding this amusing, aren't you. The experience of pushing a button and it says &quot;eight&quot;. Is this intrinsically captivating to you on its own, as a legitimate experience? I mean, I'm starting to wrap my head around the idea but it's not all the way there. ''[sigh]'' I guess I shouldn't be surprised, this is coming from the person who sat in the waiting room when the door was open right there. If you're the kind of person this demo is targeting, I guess I should be a little concerned for our sales numbers. 

*''[The fourth time The Narrator comments on you continuing to stay in this room]''
**The funny thing is you haven't even played The Stanley Parable yet. How can you be so sure that this is the better game? Is this simply more compelling than you imagine The Stanley Parable to be? Have you formed such a rich vision of the game already? What exactly did I do that gave you such a miserable, awful impression of what it's like to play The Stanley Parable? Was it the dance? Yes, it was almost certainly the dance. I regret that now. Well, the good part is that if this is your metric for quality in a game, when we DO get to The Stanley Parable, you'll be THRILLED! SHOCKED! BLOWN AWAY! Every one of your faculties will be enraptured by the experience of a game that does anything more than say &quot;eight&quot; over and over. Yes, I can't wait for your entire world to be shattered and rebuilt, a magical moment we'll all share together.

*''[The last time The Narrator comments on you continuing to stay in this room]''
**Ok, I'm not going to pretend I don't know what's going on here. You are so utterly compelled by this game that you don't intend to stop playing it until you pass out from physical exhaustion. Well, tell you what: I'll just be right here and wait for you to finish, I'm sure that The Stanley Parable demo will still be out there somewhere when you're all done. In the mean time, I'm going to stop acknowledging you and just let you get it out of your system. Please, enjoy the &quot;eight&quot; game; take as much time as you need!

=== The Cup Game Room ===

*Okay, this is new, this is different. Surely there must be a game somewhere in here. Okay okay how about this cup. Go pick up the cup. ''[You pick up the cup]'' Alright, now put it in, um... in the bin.

*''[Putting the cup in the bin]''
**You did it! You won! Do you what you get for winning? An achievement!
*''[Putting the cup on rafters]''
**Now how did you do that? You got the cup all the way up there? I didn't even know that was possible! I guess, om a certain sense, this is a game too - the game of getting the cup stuck up in the rafters! Yes, it's the most exciting of all games, and guess what: YOU WON! Do you know what you get for winning? An achievement!
*''[Don't do anything]''
**Oh you're Not going to put the cup in the bin? Yes that's a game too, preventing the cup from entering the bin! And you won! Do you know what you get for winning? An achievement!
*Wow, The Stanley Parable just keeps getting better and better! 

=== The Ending ===

*Ooh... nice and quiet. Finally. Well, I suppose we can both agree that I've failed, haven't I? My job was to be a teacher, and I so badly wanted to teach you exactly what The Stanley Parable is supposed to be, but... somehow I couldn't... I-Well, at any rate, I don't know if I care for The Stanley Parable anymore. Do you think any of this is actually in the main game? Honestly, I doubt it. What would that even look like? No, I think I've had enough of it. No more doors, no more demonstrations, no more... endings. That's the other problem with this game - there's too many bloody endings. I'm sick of them? How can one game end so many times? It doesn't make sense. Oh, but back at the beginning of the demonstration, now, that was lovely! No concerns about where it was all going, no confusion, just a blank slate. Yes, that's what I want. A game of beginnings. Hey, heh. Do you remember? When we met for the first time? And I showed you the technology used to make a demo, because I thought there actually was a demo?&lt;ref name=&quot;Demo Facility.&quot;&gt;As The Narrator says this they teleport the player back to the Demo Facility.&lt;/ref&gt; ''[Chuckle]'' Oh, we were so naive back then. How little we knew of the world. And then, when we ended up back in the waiting room? Even though you had already done that before?&lt;ref name=&quot;WaitingGreenArea&quot;&gt;As The Narrator says this they teleport the player the Waiting Room and Green Room area.&lt;/ref&gt; Yes! It's all so fresh in my memory. They were such wonderful moments! Ooh, and then when we played the game with the cup and you won!&lt;ref name=&quot;CupGameRoom&quot;&gt;As The Narrator says this they teleport the player back to the Cup Game Room.&lt;/ref&gt; And then we kept wandering, and we ended up in a stairwell somewhere, and we just kept climbing and climbing - flight after flight after flight. I thought they would never end!&lt;ref name=&quot;NotInDemo&quot;&gt;This area The Narrator references was never shown prior to this dialogue within the demo.&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref name=&quot;EndlessToweringStaircase&quot;&gt;As The Narrator says this they teleport the player to a seemingly endless staircase.&lt;/ref&gt; And then we were on some kind of catwalk? I didn't have any idea what was down there, did you?&lt;ref name=&quot;InfinitelyLongCatwalk&quot;&gt;As The Narrator says this they teleport the player to a seemingly endlessly long catwalk.&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref name=&quot;NotInDemo&quot; /&gt; We talked about it for a while, about how we couldn't possibly know whether this was really an escape, but that it seemed worth a try, and at the very least, it would be an adventure.&lt;ref name=&quot;ElevatorExterior&quot;&gt;As The Narrator says this they teleport the player to a room with a closed elevator door in the wall.&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref name=&quot;NotInDemo&quot; /&gt; So we got inside, and we rode the elevator up and up and up... We had some sense that the end was coming, but we couldn't possibly know when.&lt;ref name=&quot;ElevatorInterior&quot;&gt;As The Narrator says this they teleport the player to inside of that elevator.&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref name=&quot;NotInDemo&quot; /&gt; And then, after so long, it finally stopped. And we stepped outside into the lush outdoors! The trees, the wildlife, the sun rising on a new and glorious path! Freedom! We were free! There was nothing to think, nothing to know. Simply us being right there in that moment. Wasn't it sooo beautiful! Wasn't that moment so singularly, piercingly beautiful! We were free.&lt;ref name=&quot;WelcomeHomeStanley&quot;&gt;Then the elevator door opens to show the Office's outside of Stanley's office from the full game, the muffled sounds of people chatting can be heard, upon trying to get closer to the sounds the game cuts to the credits.&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref name=&quot;NotInDemo&quot; /&gt;

== References ==
&lt;references /&gt;

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons category}}
[https://www.stanleyparable.com/ Official website]

[[Category:2013 video games]]
[[Category:Adventure games]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Homestar Runner</title>
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        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
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      <comment>/* Robots (210) */</comment>
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      <text bytes="107588" sha1="04jgc2cw5jrzehvm2krkssagoiqjp5l" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Homestar Runner logo black.svg|thumb|Homestarrunner dot net. “It's dot com!”]]
[[File:Red bordered white star.svg|thumb|Everybody! Everybody!]]
[[File:BrothersChaps.JPG|thumb|Everybody loves the Homestar Runner. He is a terrific athlete.]]
[[File:Montreal Comiccon 2015 - Strong Bad (18837897773).jpg|thumb|I'm Strong Bad, and you don't know it yet, but [[W:breakout character|I'm the reason you're here]].]]
'''''[[w:Homestar Runner|Homestar Runner]]''''' is an animated web comedy series based on the life and misadventures of a group of eccentric characters, including the titular Homestar Runner. It is best known for the character Strong Bad, a sharp-tongued [[W:luchador|luchador]] who answers viewer fanmail in a humorous, mocking fashion.
== The Homestar Runner Enters the Strongest Man in the World Contest ==
*Everybody loves the Homestar Runner. He is a terrific athlete.
**Narration on first page

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': I'm the very strongest! You guys are not very strong!

== Where My Hat Is At? ''[sic]'' ==
*'''Homestar Runner''': ''[repeated line]'' Where my hat is at?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': I could go for a few cold ones right about now.

==Site intro==
*Everybody! Everybody!
**Main theme song lyrics

==Who Said What Now?==
*'''Marzipan''': I'm the only girl.

==First Time Here?==
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, hello! Welcome to Homestarrunner dot net.
*'''Crewman''': It's &quot;dot com&quot;.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, right. Homestarrunner dot net. “It's dot com!”
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Hello, and welcome to I'm a Big Moron Who Can't Remember His Lines Dot Com! No, seriously. I'm Strong Bad, and you don't know it yet, but [[W:breakout character|I'm the reason you're here]].
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Check me out! No, seriously, check me out.

==Character introduction videos==
===Strong Bad===
*'''Strong Bad''': I'm Strong Bad. I've been described as cool, awesome, hot, video games ''[sic]'', the hottest, and real real hot.

===Marzipan===
*'''Marzipan''': I'm a fiercely independent woman, and I'm fiercely independent about the soy products that I choose.

===King of Town===
*'''King of Town''': Now, despite rumors to the contrary, I did not just buy a crown at the costume palace and ask people to start calling me the King of Town. I earned my title the same way I earned a free combo meal: by purchasing one of equal or lesser value. I also did not ever try to eat my own mustache.

==Strong Bad Email==
===Some kinda robot (1)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad: Do you take your wrestling mask and boxing gloves off before you go to bed? Sincerely, Abdi LaRue, [[W:San Diego, CA|San Diego, CA]].” Well, that's a stupid question, Abdi. Do you take off your face and hands before you go to bed? And if so, are you some kind of [[robot]]?

===Homsar (2)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Hi Strong Bad, if you hate Homsar ''[sic]'' so much, why don't you kill him? From Vinnie C.” You know what, Vinnie? You're right. I'll be right back.
*''[Cut to a strange being labelled Homsar]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Hey, Homsar!
*'''Homsar''': Uhdyeah, what ees eht, Stwong Baaaaayaad?
*''[Strong Bad squashes him with a giant weight labelled “heavy lourde” [sic]]''
**This email inspired the creation of the character Homsar, who became a reoccurring cast member
===Butt IQ (3)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Mr. Bad, how do you know if someone's butt is stupid? I mean, is there like some kind of [[W:IQ test|IQ test]]? Crapfully yours, Tyler.” Oh, come on Tyler! Don't you remember your [[algebra]], man? It's called the Transitive Butt Property. And it clearly states that the stupidity of somebody's butt is greater than or equal to the stupidity of that person's head.

===I she be (13)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Hey my name is great looking girl strong bad! i she be your girlfriend.” [sic]  Uh… Hey! My name is Strong Bad, great looking girl! I he be your boyfriend. Okay, seriously. All i gotta say about this is… GET IN LINE SISTER!!! I mean, do you know how many freakin emails I get like this a DAY? From ladies with proper grammar? I mean come on!

===Tape-leg (19)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, my brothers are always telling me that your legs are made of tape, is that true? Nee-co-las.” [Nicholas] They said my legs were made of tape?! WHAT?! I mean, do I look like some kinda tape-leg? I can guarantee you, man, I am not a tape-leg.

===Spring cleaning (20)===
[[File:Cherry Keyboard G83-6105RLNDE, German layout-5996.jpg|thumb|How do you type with boxing gloves on?]]
'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, How do you type with boxing gloves on? Mike, Bend [[Oregon|Ora-gawn]]”. Oh, that's a new one. No way do I get this freaking question all the time. I suppose I'll probably answer it right now— DELETED!!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, Are you made of crap? Did you invent the word crap? Where did the word crap come from? Crapfully crapfully, Chad”. Oh, I'll totally answer this one because apparently the only thing I'm concerned with is the word crap— DELETED!!

===Cartoon (21)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Too much of a good thing is an awesome thing. But too much of an awesome thing is... umm... really, really dumb and bad.

===Bird (24)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Psssshhh! [[W:the finger|The Double Deuce]]!

===Flag day (32)===
Come to the place where tropical breezes blow. &lt;br&gt;
Come to the coolest place I know. &lt;br&gt;
The people are so great, &lt;br&gt;
But really there's only me, &lt;br&gt;
And that means I'm so great, &lt;br&gt;
And also there's The Cheat.
*Strongbadian national anthem

===Property of ones (39)===
[[File:Cerveza Pacifico.jpg|thumb|The colder it is, the more of a one it is. Because you don't want to end up with a Cold None. I wouldn't wish that on anybody.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': The colder it is, the more of a one it is. Because you don't want to end up with a Cold None. I wouldn't wish that on anybody.

===Vacation (40)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Hey, you guys! Just dropping you a line here from &quot;The Great Mound&quot;. I got two words for ya: false advertising. There's nothing great about this mound, okay?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': I kinda miss you guys and your emails... I can almost hear one of them now: &quot;Dear Stong Bad, You are crap. Crap is the best. Everybody loves crap. Crap is in the mix. Crap is to the max. How does Homestar pick stuff up if he's not wearing any Marzipants? Crapfully crap, Monkey D, [[W:Seattle, Washington|Seattle, Washington]].&quot; 
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': It was nothing but antique stores down there, like I couldn't find a single restaurant! I have a sneaking suspicion the people in Over There ''eat'' antiques.

===Marzipan (59)===
*'''Marzipan''': ''[singing]'' Oh yeah, oh yeah, and I really don't like him at all.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Do you don't not dislike not Strong Bad?
*'''Marzipan''': Uh... I guess...
*'''Strong Bad''': See! I told you you loved me!

===Interview (62)===
'''Strong Bad''': [imitating Homsar] DaAa! I was raised by a cup of coffee.

===Crazy cartoon (72)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Crazy cartoons usually have titles that have nothing to do with the cartoon itself. You know, like... “Sweet Cuppin' Cakes”!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  I don't think it deserved a trophy. I don't even think it deserved a pizza! Maybe a pizza trophy.

===The process (79)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Show you the process, eh, Em? Sure, I can do dat, but I should warn you, it may spoil the magic for some of you out there. I strongly urge both the faint of heart and the faint of butt to leave the room at this time.

===Stunt double (80)===
*'''Strong Bad (as Dangeresque)''': I'm gonna have to JUMP!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Coach Z (as Renaldo)''': Sounds pretty dangerous.
*'''Strong Bad (as Dangerseque)''': No... sounds ''Dangeresque''!

===No loafing (86)===
[[File:Windsurfer (14942953548).jpg|thumb|Failure is not [[Profanity|a four-letter word]].]]
[[File:Auf dem Gehrenberg 6.jpg|thumb|The loneliest goat sees the last sunset last...]]
*Failure is not [[Profanity|a four-letter word]].
**[[W:Motivational poster|Motivational poster]] (depicting a wind surfer) seen in video
*The loneliest goat sees the last sunset last...
**”Old adage” on a “wood burny thing” depicting a horse, per Strong Bad

===Caffeine (91)===
*'''Strong Bad''': And coming in at number 91, it's: ''[[W:metal scream|E-Maaaaaaaaaaail!!!]]'' “Dear Strong Bad, It must be really annoying living with someone as whiny as Strong Sad. Why don't you slip him some caffeine? Justin, [[W:Murfreesboro, TN|Murfreesboro]], [[Tekken]] [ [[Tennessee|TN]] ]” Oh-ho-ho-ho! ''Devilish laugh''. Dear Justin, In addition to [[Wiktionary:cut of one's jib|the cut of your jib]], I likes the sound of your town. ''Murfreesboro''. But we got the All-Wide Science Fair just around the corner and I've been straining for a project. So far alls I've come up with is the effects of gasoline… on fire.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  In the final stages, subject became:
:Erratic,
:Violent,
:and Really Funny to Watch.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  At this point, the test subject...was dead. [audience gasps]
*'''Strong Sad''':  [offscreen] I was not dead!
*'''Strong Bad''': ...Shut up. And all of this data could only bring us to one conclusion: ...Strong Sad's adopted. [audience gasps]
*'''Strong Sad''':  [offscreen] That's not true either!

===Kind of cool (92)===
*'''Strong Bad''': I'd still probably be the coolest guy in the world, just a different kind of cool. More of a &quot;I'm so cool, you don't even know I'm cool&quot; kind of cool.
**On if he was not ”stylish, buff, and handsome”
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*''[after strong bad is finished describing his “kind of cool” alter ego]''
*'''Strong Sad''': You basically described that creep Señor Cardgage that lived down the street from us when we were little.
*'''Strong Bad''': What!? You didn't think Senor [sic] Cardgage was cool?
*'''Strong Sad''': No! He was extremely sketchy and gave me nightmares.
*'''Strong Bad''': And... What's not cool about giving you nightmares?
*'''Strong Sad''': Oh, never mind. Go back to your creepy comb-over story.

===The bet (95)===
*'''Strong Bad''': So, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Let me get this uh-straight: You're betting me that you're cool.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yep, I'm cool.
*'''Strong Bad''': And if you're not cool, you have to change your name to... Kevin DuBrow. But if you are cool, I gotta spend the night over at The King of Town's?
*'''Homestar Runner''':  That's the deal, man. The total deal.
*'''Strong Bad''': You're goin' down, son.
*'''Homestar Runner''':  No ways.
*'''Strong Bad''': All right! Let's see you be's cool.
*'''Homestar Runner''': ''[Homestar puts on sunglasses]'' 'Sup?
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh, crap!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

*'''King of Town''': So here's all my foodstuffs. You want some Pork Snagglins? Or a can of Butter-da or anything?
*'''Strong Bad''': King, I think that stuff's for automotive use only.
*'''King of Town''': It's possible.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''King of Town''': [advertising Butter-da] They tell me not to, but I still drinks [sic] it!

===Monument (97)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, there were big plans once. It was to be made of the finest materials. On a massive scale that would rival the [[W:Aztecs|Aztecs]] and their... [[W:Tenochtitlan|techno-chocolate land]].
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh yeah, The Cheat. That totally looks like my right foot. It's got all the rightness of a foot without all the footdom of a right.
*'''Off-screen chorus''': ''Here comes the Thnikkaman!''
*'''Strong Bad''': No way! Check it out The Cheat, it's the Thnikkaman! Hey, Thnikkaman!
*'''Bubs''': [as “the Thnikkaman”] Hey, kid!
*'''Strong Bad''': Can we have some?
*'''Bubs''': Yeah, okay.
*'''Strong Bad''': Thanks, Thnikkaman! [mumbles to The Cheat] Thanks, Thnikkaman.
*'''Bubs''': Yeah, shut up, kid!
*'''Off-screen chorus''': ''There goes the Thnikkaman!''
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': I'd like to see you stay on task when you're starin' down the barrel of a loaded Thnikkaman.

===Different town (99)===
'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, I just wondering [sic], if you had a chance to make your town different, what would you do? Censorly [“Sincerley”], Steven, [[W:Volkswagen|Wolksvagen]] [ [[West Virginia|WV]] ].” Pour hot soup in Homestar's eyes, eh, Steven? That sounds like a pretty good- wait... what'd your email say again?

===Flashback (100)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh, I got flashbacks alright, Jon. I'm like, Discount Flashback Warehouse over here. But this particular flashback has way too much historical significance to be shown in anything but [[W:Widescreen|WIDESCREEEEEEEEEEEEN]]. Left side: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAH! [screen expands to the left] Right side: WOOOOOAHH— [screen expands to the right, revealing Homestar Runner] Wha-uh, what are you doin' over there?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, I'm pretty much here every week. It's just that usually I'm behind the black.
*'''Strong Bad''': Guess I should start... lookin' to the right more often.
*'''Homestar Runner''': In fact, I think I might live here.
*'''Strong Bad''': I don't think so. If you lived here, you'd have less non-broken bones. And more crushed spirits.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Everyone loves Strong Bad. He is an okay guy.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] One day Strong Bad was finishing up a game of tennis on the moon with his pal, the Coach Z. He won 1,000,000 to 3. 
*'''Storybook Strong Bad''': You see, 3 is clearly a smaller number than a million.
*'''Strong Bad''': Said Strong Bad.
*'''Storybook Coach Z''': Ooooooh. Now I understand.

===Car (101)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh, good one Kyle. Like I don't get two jillion of these emails every two jillion seconds. Er. Wait. Would that be so bad? Hmmm. I'll have to ask Gron Sad about that later on. Maybe write in to [[W:Popular Science|Popular Science]] about it. &quot;Popular Science.&quot; No such thing, man. More like, &quot;Nerdular Nerdence.&quot;
**Popular Science actually [http://www.popsci.com/popular-science-answers-question-strong-bad-asked-us-13-years-ago answered Strong Bad] 13 years after the email

===Haircut (103)===
*'''Strong Mad''': I DON’T WANT TO EAT A GUITAR!

===Dangeresque 3 (106)===
*'''Strong Bad (as Dangerseque)''': Let's get one thing straight, meatball... face... butt: I work alone. 'Cept when I work with Renaldo... which is all the time.
*'''Homestar Runner (as Dangeresque Too)''': Oh yeah? Well, you need me because I'm the only one that knows where Perducci is, and where that is... is that he is... in... [[Istanbul]].

===Cheatday (107)===
'''Strong Bad''': So, nobody knows exactly when The Cheat's Cheatday is, so we celebrate it on the only day we know for sure it isn't. And that's the date of birth on his fake I.D. Which says he's a 43-year-old Scandinavian miner named Ilko Skevüld. 
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': After breakfast, in honor of Ilko's heritage, we'll usually play some mining games, like... mining... and... coal…?

===Replacement (105)===
[[File:PAX 2008 - Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People (2810850382).jpg|thumb|Looks like I'm gonna be checking e-mails and kicking Cheats 'til the day I die.]]
'''Strong Bad''': Looks like I'm gonna be checking e-mails and kicking Cheats 'til the day I die. Whoa, that'd make an awesome tattoo! Or an even better epitaph!

===For kids (110)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Okay, kids, we're gonna play &quot;Where's The Cheat?&quot;. Can you say, &quot;a-The Cheat&quot;?
*'''Kids''': [mumbling] THE CHEAT!
*'''Random kid''': [[Christopher Columbus]]!
*'''Strong Bad''': Not good enough. F minus minus.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': All right, dumb children. Find The Cheat!
*'''Kids''': He’s over there!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Um, no, he's behind the box. No, uh, he's not even behind the box, he's barely obscured by the box. Look, The Cheat is ''behind the freaking box!!'' HE'S BEHIND THE BOX! I'LL KILL YA!! I'LL KILL ALL YOUR DOGS!!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': I've got two words for the children that are raised on that crap: HELD BACK. REPEATING THE THIRD GRADE. LOW STANDARDIZED TEST SCORES. I GUESS THIS WAS MORE THAN TWO WORDS.

===The facts (114)===
*'''Strong Bad''': He's like a big square, this guy ''[Strong Mad]''. I don't really know if that has anything to do with why he doesn't have his own cartoon. But it's just weird, is all. Un... settling. I guess if he lived in Cubeland, it might work, but... Cubeland is a place I just made up, so...
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': I want my own cartoon, Strong Bad.
*'''Strong Bad''': What? I'm over here!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh. ''[turns around]'' I want my own cartoon, Pom Pom.
*'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, a cartoon starring you would be horrible. It'd just be you saying &quot;Sewiously&quot; ''[sic]'' all the time and acting like a moron... all the time.
*'''Homestar Runner''': No, no! Not no more! I got a new catchphrase!
*'''Strong Bad''': No.
*'''Homestar Runner''': You wanna hear it?
*'''Strong Bad''': No!
*'''Homestar Runner''': I'd be all the time sayin' &quot;That's bupkis!&quot;

===Time capsule (115)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Rest assured, Shim-Sham Sam, my [[W:time capsule|time capsule]] would reign supreme. Like your hot single Mom is gonna wanna date my time capsule. So, the key to a good time capsule is it being an actual capsule. None of these shoe boxes or tennis ball cans. No. Those things are called time boxes and time tennis ball cans. Those are different and lame and differently lame. And they always get dug up in about 4 days.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': And I might as well spit in it, just in case they ever figure out how to make people… from spit. Ooh! Then I'd put some [[W:dry ice|dry ice]] in there so when they open it up it looks all smoky and steamy and it says a-like ''froosh'' when they first open it. There'll be no doubt about my coolty.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Stinkoman''': Oh man, those first four hundred bites of dirt were not so good. Maybe the next one will be better. [finds Strong Bad’s time capsule] WHAAAT is this?! Some sort of a challenge buried in the GROUUUND?!

===Animal (119)===
*'''Strong Bad''': The Lappy 486 weighs in at an extremely portable forty-two pounds and features an impressive battery life of one half of ten minutes.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  [I]f I was my own made up animal, I would probably like as [sic] the coolest made up animal ever made up. I would have all the cool animal options and accessories: Claws, Horns, Tusks, Tentacles, Power Doors, 15 Year [[W:Drivetrain|Drivetrain]] Warranty, [[W:Proboscis|Proboscis]], Segmented Eyes&lt;ref&gt;Strong Bad is actually referring to [[W:compound eyes|compound eyes]]&lt;/ref&gt;…

===Radio (120)===
'''Strong Bad''': [T]he first rule of thumb for all radio personalities is to look absolutely nothing like how they sound.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': College radio can pretty much be summed up in 5 words: [[wiktionary:dead air|Dead air]], um, dead air.

===Origins (123)===
'''Strong Bad''': Ugh! Why do you [[W:Melvin Van Peebles|Van Peebles]] always wanna know the origins and histories of every freakin' little thing?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
'''Marzipan''': [while being spraypainted by Strong Bad] To me, this is something that losers would do.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': Man, did you guys see me refuse to take that guff? I flat out rejected it! That guff never even had a chance!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': So ya see Claire, if it weren't for the Stick, and Marzipan's considerable resistance to death, the On Point Kings may never have stolen the King of Town's dunce cap and renamed it Lotionman! D-don't ask, it was Strong Mad's idea.

===Secret recipes (124)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Being from Africa, I'm sure you guys are used to eating, like, exotic fruits and nectars and, um, lions… so our recipes may seem a bit uncouth. ''Uncouth''. Can something be just plain ''couth''? I bet freakin' Strong Sad is plain couth.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  Say there, Coach, would you like to try some of our free icèd-c-cream? It's got toasted coconut!
*'''Coach Z''':  How could I refuse? I can't afford the money-cost variety! [starts eating] Oooh! Sweet mercy! [keeps eating] This is orful! [sic] [still eating]
*'''Strong Bad''':  Aww, it's OK, Coach. You're the proud new eater of a healthy bowl of sour cream and The Cheat fur!
*'''Coach Z''': Hoo! I think I'm going to puke my pants!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Ugh! Please don't elaborate on that.
*'''Coach Z''': Naw, it's easy. I do it all the time! Here, let me show ya's!
*'''Strong Bad''':  AUGH!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Hey, girlfriend, have you tried any of this free ice cream Strong Bad made?
*'''Marzipan''': Homestar, didn't anyone tell you? That's, like, cottage cheese and The Cheat hair!
*'''Homestar Runner''':  WHAT!? Strong Bad told me it was ''sour cream'' and The Cheat hair!

===Garage Sale (129)===
[[File:Vuilnis.JPG|thumb|Lemme tell you a thing or two about garage sales: Ya ever get the feeling that the people just got lazy taking the trash out, so they stopped right there on the driveway and started putting price tags on things?]]
'''Strong Bad''': Lemme tell you a thing or two about garage sales: Ya ever get the feeling that the people just got lazy taking the trash out, so they stopped right there on the driveway and started putting price tags on things? I mean, isn't it just a little bit suspicious that there's only a one-letter difference between “garage sale” and “gar-BAHHJ sale”? Except, don't ever say “gar-BAHHJ” like that. That's, like, the only joke Moms have and they can keep it for all I care.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[Voiceover]'' First, there's the haggler, the guy who spends all day trying to talk you down from a quarter to twenty-two cents for some worthless piece of crap.
*'''Bubs''': I'll give ya two thin dimes for this pantyhose doll.
*'''Strong Bad''': First off... all... that is Aunt Gert. And secondly, she's worth way more than the quarter I'm asking for her! Heck, I paid six-fifty for her new. And them's 1998 dollars!
*'''Bubs''': Well, maybe if she was wearing a troll outfit, or a witch's hat or somethin'...
*'''Strong Bad''': I'll let it go for twenty-four cents.
*'''Bubs''': Twenty-two and [[W:half cent|a half]]!
*'''Strong Bad''': You, my friend... just bought yourself an Aunt Gert.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Marzipan''': Coach Z, may I ask why you're buying up all the &quot;great for baby&quot; items?
*'''Coach Z''': I'd prefer that ya didn't.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': Obviously, wasting your Saturday morning just to sell $3.19 worth of trash isn't the real reason to have a garage sale. It's to get people out of their houses so The Cheat can ransack them!

===Do over (130)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Richie Z, [[Canada|Can-A-Duh]]” Wait, you're not related to Coach Z, are you, Richie? Or Coach [[W:Zed (letter)|Zed]] as you [[W:Canuck|cah-nooks]] call him. Whoa, ''Coach Zed''. That's way cooler. I'm gonna start calling him that too and maybe he won't suck so bad!

===Modeling (132)===
'''Strong Bad''': I can't wait to get those pictures back from the lab. I can totally see some of them being used in one of those glossy fashion magazines. Y'know, the kind that cost nine bucks and are 97% ads. Like maybe in an ad for those fancy leather shoes that you're supposed to wear without socks. WITHOUT SOCKS! Man! Can you imagine the luxury!

===Bottom 10 (133)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Number Ten is easy: [[w:Wet T-shirt contest|Dry T-Shirt Contests]]. You'll never find a more degrading contest or a larger waste of not water.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Number Three is the [[W:death by chocolate|ridiculous trend of giving chocolate desserts dangerous names]]. You know, like, [[W:cardiac arrest|Chocolardiac Arrest]].
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Slumming in at Number Two are songs that try to pass off la la's, na na's, and doot do's as legit lyrics. As evidenced in Limozeen's bizarrely titled &quot;Feed The Childrens.&quot; ''[a portion of the fictitious song is played, consisting of the described gibberish lyrics]'' Ugh, what were they thinking? More like, &quot;We need to feed our children, so we made this terrible song.&quot;

===Record book (134)===
*'''Strong Bad''': All right, King o' Town, I need some disgusting eating records. Why don't you just, uh, have lunch, and I'm sure you'll set several without even trying.
*'''The King of Town''': Ooh! I like eating lunch! Today I'm having a giant pile of salt! ''[Sucks up the salt]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Whoa! Nice woik! ''[sic]''
*''[The King hiccups]''
*'''Strong Bad''': What, you got-a some hiccups?
*'''The King of Town''': ''[hiccup]'' Nope. Those, my friend, are heart attacks!
&lt;hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Coach Z''': Well, I'm gonna set the world record for puttin' nine pieces of chewed gum up on my face and singin' the &quot;I'm Just Me&quot; song and hoppin' around on one foot!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Coach... Oh, please stop! Look, you can't just make up some random crap that no one else will ever do and call that a record.
*''[Cut to Homsar doing the exact same thing]''

===Space Program (138)===
[[File:Albert Einstein Head.jpg|thumb|While the muscular crew will age only a few hours, the cargo, according to our vague understanding of the [[theory of relativity]], will have aged to an incredible one million dollars.]]
*'''Strong Bad''':  Who doesn't have a space program these days? I mean, don't, like, the Italians [[W:Italian Space Agency|have a space program]]?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Narrator''': SBASAF [Strong Badian Administration of Some Aluminum Foil] is a [[W:Not-for-profit organization|definitely-for-profit organization]], dedicated to the manned taping of aluminum foil to cardboard.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Narrator''':  Our mission objective: to accompany 15 earth dollars on a round trip journey to the closest reaches of space. While the muscular crew will age only a few hours, the cargo, according to our vague understanding of the [[theory of relativity]], will have aged to an incredible one million dollars.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Narrator''': And who is good enough at video games to accept such a dangerous mission? Why, none other than [[W:beef bouillon|beef bouillon]]-aire joyboy Space Captainface. First Lieuteneral Captainface knows the true key to success is to have as many hot '60s-looking girls in your filmstrips as possible.

===High school (140)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Now, I have an extremely [[W:Photographic memory|unphotographic memory]]. So, I guess that'd be more like a drawing, or a doodle. Like a doodle memory. But I would hazard a guess that we were probably just like other cartoons were in high school, i.e. we were [[Scooby-Doo|a team of super sleuths]].
*''[cut to the main characters as teenagers]''
*'''Marzipan''': Stampers! My long lost uncle's abandoned pie factory sure is mysterious.
*'''Strong Bad''': Ah, there's no such thing as &quot;mysterious&quot;.
*'''Homestar Runner''': I don't want to take any chances. We should play in a band, just to be safe.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': In, um, middle school we were a bunch of [[W:Muppet Babies|melon-headed babies with gigantic eyes and ENORMOUS imaginations]].
*''[cut to the main characters as babies]''
*'''Baby Coach Z''': I'm pretending I'm the craptain of the foortball torm! [sic]
*'''Baby Strong Bad''': I'm pretending I'm playing better video games!  Aw, man! [[W:Adventure (1980 video game)|That freakin' duck swallowed both my pixels]]!
*'''Baby Strong Sad''': I'm pretending I'm not sitting next to The Diapersmith.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': And going even unnecessarily further back, we were all a bunch of plucky [[W:paramecium|parameciums]] living in Free [[W:Petri Dish|Petri Dish]] USA.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': And then, of course, before that we were… [[Roman Empire|Romans]]… living in Roman times. And [[W:Don Knotts|Don Knotts]] was always showing up.

===Secret identity (142)===
*'''Strong Bad''': I got lots of secret identities. Lately, I've been using this one: ''Tip Tappers: Expensive Briefcase Carrier.'' I use Mr. Tappers when I'm on tour and I want to check into a hotel and not be bothered by legions of fans.
*[cut to “Bubs’ Motor Lodge”]
*'''Bubs''': And what name will this room be under?
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, Tip Tappers, please. Unless some girl asks what room Strong Bad's in. And she's at least a seven out of ten. Or uh... six if she's naked.

===Technology (143)===
[[File:Technologie.jpg|thumb|The word &quot;[[technology]]&quot;... means... &quot;magic&quot;. It's basically anything that's really cool that you don't know how it works. And if it breaks, you have to buy a new one.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': The word &quot;[[technology]]&quot;... means... &quot;magic&quot;. It's basically anything that's really cool that you don't know how it works. And if it breaks, you have to buy a new one.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': And then there's the Lappy, which rules over technology with a 42 pound, allegedly portable fist. Watch as it magically [[W:screen saver|saves this screen]]. The screen is saved, man. This thing's gonna last like 50 years!

===Myths and legends (145)===
'''Strong Bad''': Mysterious Myths or Legendary Legends? Isn't that a show on one of those channels up in the high hundreds? Ya know, like between the CG Dinosaur Channel and the Homes with Rollercoasters in Them Network?

===Candy product (149)===
'''Strong Bad''': Why is it athletes are the only ones with their own candy bars? Shouldn't they have their own brand of, like, [[W:jockstrap|jockstrap]] or divorce lawyer instead?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Marshie''': [as a “gaseous cloud of marshmallow vapor”] ''YOU CAN’T DESTROY ME!''

===Alternate universe (150)===
*'''Strong Bad''':  Whoa! Where am I?
*'''Strong Badman''': STINY! We have a visitor from an alternate universe!
*'''Strong Bad''': It's Strong Badman! And his well drawn abs! But... why are we in a crappy apartment instead of a secret underground lair... filled with secret underground gadgets?
*'''Strong Badman''':  Because mere mortal... this apartment… IS [[W:rent control|RENT CONTROLLED]]! And... water's included.
*'''Strong Bad''':  Is that why all your faucets are running?
*'''Strong Bad''':  MU-HU-HA-HA-HAH! Those dimwits down at the public works won't know what hit them!
*'''Strong Badman''':  So, that's your evil plan? To waste water?
*'''Strong Bad''': And not pay for it!!

===Theme song (155)===
[[File:Flag of Ontario.svg|thumb|Oooh, a little south of the border flavor.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Super Bad, It bugs me how your email show doesn't have a theme song. If it did have a theme song, your show would be a whole lot cooler. Jonathan SHA-HEEEN! [Shaheen], [[w:Ontario|Onté-rio, Kana-DAH]].” Oooh, a little south of the border flavor. Dear Supper Bag, It bugs me how your face doesn't have a not tons of [[W:acne|acne]]. If it did have a not tons of acne, ''you'' would be a whole lot cooler.
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*'''Strong Bad''': Theme songs are just an excuse for showmakers to make less show.
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*'''Commercial narrator''': Do you make butt at your current job? Do you want to make twice butt? A shady online degree is just four clicks away at CGNU online e-niversity. Most colleges take four years to complete. At CGNU, one year equals one click.
*'''Senor [sic] Cardgage''': I got fourteen degrees while on my lunch take [sic]. Now I can legally prescribe marriages in the state of Kansattica.
*'''Commercial narrator''':Enroll now, and join the e-niversity e-volution e-day. Uh, well, today. That last one didn't quite work out.
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*'''Strong Bad''': You see, SHA-HEEN? You're basically asking me to dedicate 2 minutes of my 3 to 5 minute email show, to what is essentially a commercial for something you're already watching!

===Road trip (156)===
'''Strong Bad''': Every good road trip needs a good inside joke that only the people that went on the road trip will get. And your friends that didn't go on the road trip will want to... kill your... legs... every time you bring it up.
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*''[Strong Bad and the Cheat are trapped in their [[W:AMC Gremlin|AMC Gremlin]]]''
*'''Strong Bad''': [deliriously] Look at that little stain over there! That could be a whole 'nother world. With a whole 'nother Strong Bad and The Cheat stuck in a Gremlin.

===Trading cards (157)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Daniel, trading cards are the biggest waste of not a video game on the planet! In fact, I thought trading cards were outlawed the day they invented good graphics. As for that &quot;gum&quot; that comes with them, I'm pretty sure they replaced that with a pink piece of [[W:balsa wood|balsa wood]] back in the early '80s and nobody ever noticed.
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*'''Strong Bad''': First up is Coach Z's line of vaguely sportsish managerial cards. What self-respecting twelve-year-old doesn't want to collect pictures of the smelly old men behind their favorite sports teams? And who could resist memorizing all these fabulous stats? Ooh, a record high 23 butt pats in '84!
*'''Homestar Runner''': And, who do you think was the lucky recipient of all those [wiggles his rear end] butt pats 'cept a one?
*'''Strong Bad''': Let me guess, it—
*'''Homestar Runner''': No, it was me. It was like I was made to hustle that season.
*'''Strong Bad''': So, who got that last butt pat?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, I think he gave himself that one. He's re-known for his self-butt pats.
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, [[W:sex offender registry|“known” in seven states]].

===Coloring (160)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear awesome&quot;… Oh! Somebody finally got it right!
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*'''Strong Bad''': Marzipan, what kind of cult are you running here?
*'''Marzipan''': Oh, a pretty standard one.
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*'''Marzipan''':  Anyway, we don't use the term &quot;Skin Flesh&quot;. The color you're looking for is &quot;Dermal Discoveries&quot;.
*'''Strong Bad''': What's that scramble?! What about Lipstick Red?
*'''Marzipan''': No, no, no. Too gender-specific. We use &quot;Crimson Suggestion&quot;.
*'''Strong Bad''': Well, how 'bout Hairspray Blond?
*'''Marzipan''': &quot;Vague Pigmentation&quot;!
*'''Strong Bad''': Leather Black?
*'''Marzipan''': We just call that &quot;Blue&quot;.

===4 branches (161)===
*'''Rumble Red''': But, Earthling, they don't have polymascotfoamalate on ''my'' planet. Eh, rumble.
*'''The Homestar Runner''': That's 'cause you're a [[Communism|Communest]] [sic] fool, Red!
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*'''Singers''': Polymascotfoamalate!
*'''The Homestar Runner''': Feed it to the babies.
* '''Singers''': Polymascotfoamalate!
*'''Old-timey Strong Bad''': Or as a topping on Soured Cream!

===What i want [sic] (163)===
[[File:2023 Ozdoby choinkowe.jpg|thumb|There's no better way to say, &quot;I have no idea what your interests are&quot; than to give someone a present that ceases to be useful the moment it's opened.]]
'''Strong Bad'''“: Dear Strong Bad: What do you want for Decemberween? Your holiday spirit, Talon Jendro.”
Where'd you get that name? [[George Lucas]]? “Ta'lon J'en-dr'o from the computery generated planet of [[W:Des Moines, IA|Des' Moi-nes'ia]].” Anyways, everybody knows the kind of stuff I want, Ta'lon. A catapult that launches balls of cobras, chainsaw car, subscription to [[W:EGM2|EGM2]], hot step-sister. That email writes itself. It's more important that I establish what I ''don't'' want for Decemberween.
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*'''Strong Bad''': Our first item is a perennial all-star of bad awful Decemberween presents: the ornament.
*'''Marzipan''': There's no better way to say, &quot;I have no idea what your interests are&quot; than to give someone a present that ceases to be useful the moment it's opened.
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*'''Strong Bad''': Our last gift items are all about the false notion that just because you made something yourself, it's not a worthless piece of crap.
*'''Marzipan''': These seashells have office supplies hot-glued to them for absolutely no reason.
*'''Strong Bad''' Yes, and the more globs of hot glue I can see, the quicker I throw it in the trash.
*'''Marzipan''': This clothespin reindeer ornament is forgettably precious.
*'''Strong Bad''' Whoa, homemade ''and'' an ornament. That thing is an anti-gift. If someone gives you one of those, you actually have to pay ''them'' because it's so poor. Uh, probably because ''they're'' so poor.

===Looking old (164)===
[[File:Ricky stenhouse jr. (52261201953).jpg|thumb|Sup my young parsons, I too am [[w:gogurt|so on the go that I drink my yogurt from a tube]].]]
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, you really do look old, how old are you anyways? Your faithful fan, Andy, H-S-I-A-O [Hsiao] and sometimes Y, from [[Taiwan]].” Look Andyman, my age is a closely guarded secret, protected by a sect of closely guarded monks high atop the Coches Mountains. They would no sooner dance with a goat than divulge my age. But they will bake you some crustly guarded bread! Anyways, whattaya mean I look old? Are you telling me the nightly [[W:nacho cheese|nacho cheese]] [[w:facial treatment|masks]] aren't working?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Now what I need is an image overhaul. Something to reconnect me with the youth of today. Something that says— &quot;Sup my young parsons [sic], I too am [[w:gogurt|so on the go that I drink my yogurt from a tube]]&quot;.
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*'''Bubs''': We could try [[Apple Inc.|iStrong, or iBad]]...
*'''Strong Bad''': We already tried that with lowercase &quot;e&quot;s back in the late '90s. [[W:dot com bubble|We all know where that got us]].

===Rough copy (170)===
'''Strong Bad''': Man, that kid was going to have so few pants on after we got done suing them off him. And now he's gonna strut around all on-panted waving his pant-covered legs in our faces.
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'''Strong Bad''': Our case is air-tight. Why stop at pants? We could probably sue that black zip-up hoodie off him now too!

===More armies (172)===
*'''The King of Town''': The drive... the power... the skills... the motivation... the power again... the fortitude... the strive... the ideals... the list of attributes... the Municipality. Honor. Valor. Buttor. [sic]

===Mini-golf (174)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Someone no-one cares about in [[Iowa]]”, also known as “everyone, in Iowa”.
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[[File:Blue water2.jpg|thumb|That stuff's just begging for kids to either drink it or pee in it... or worse... ''both''.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': Strong Badia doesn't have a place of its own, so when we need to get our tiny golf on, we usually head over to Sweet Puttin' Cakes. And yes, it's every bit as messed up as [[#Crazy cartoon (72)|the cartoon on which it's based]]. In fact, we don't even know how to get there. It's just like, one minute you're thinking about miniature golf...
*[Cut to Strong Bad and the cheat in the former’s basement.]
*'''Strong Bad''': You know what I love? The smell of that rubber handle on the putters, that you know like a thousand other... people… ''have… touuuuuuuuuuuuched…'' [audio slows to a crawl]
*[fade to black]
*'''Strong Bad''': [voiceover] ...and the next minute, you're there.
*'''Strong Bad''': [appears in Sweet Puttin’ Cakes] Woah!
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*'''Strong Bad''': And yes, even in this infernal place, you can't escape the blue family recreation water! That stuff's just begging for kids to either drink it or pee in it... or worse... ''both''.
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*'''Homestar Runner''': [emerges from the “blue family recreation water”] Whoo! I didn't find my ball, but I did see some exotic marine life!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Homestar, all that's down there is cigarette butts.
*'''Homestar Runner''': And... a bra.
*'''Strong Bad''':  Sweet!

===Hygiene (176)===
[[File:ISO 7010 M011.svg|thumb|Hygiene is defined as &quot;how close people are willing to stand next to you&quot;.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': Fifth grade boys?!  Man, what happened to the hot college girls that used to email me? You ladies stop your be-pantied pillowfighting and drop me a line!
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*'''Strong Bad''': Hygiene is defined as &quot;how close people are willing to stand next to you&quot;.

===Bike thief (178)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Hey Strong Bad, I'm at college and I need to keep my bike from being stolen. I figure if I think like a thief, I can figure out how to protect it. So, how would you try to steal my bike? Virginia, [[Michigan|M.I.]]” Oh, not smart enough for [[Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]], huh? Just M.I.?
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*'''Strong Bad''': That's how I'd do it, College Bike Owner. So keep away from shrubbery, don't talk to anyone with a clipboard, and avoid putting your bike on the roof of glass skyscrapers.

===Slumber party (180)===
*'''Strong Bad''': According to Coolguy's Law, the popularity of the host is inversely proportional to the amount of fun you can have at their house.
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*'''Homestar Runner''': What did you say the name of this family card game was again, Strong Bad?
*'''Strong Bad''': This is called Find The Load Bearer. You never played this before?
*'''Homestar Runner''': No. Find The Load Bearer, Bed Axe, I never heard of any of these games we're playing.
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*'''Strong Bad''': Whoa! Jackpot! Blood Bleeder, Head Chopper 2, Scab Wars, Blistergeist? Most of these things have been taken off the market!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh. Those are off-limits. We're only allowed to play Clapping Party.
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*'''Strong Bad''': But if you're looking for a guaranteed good time, you need to get invited to an OLDER KID'S slumber party. Anything goes at those things!
*''[Cut to Coach Z’s locker room]''
*'''Bubs''': My cousin Louis, he's dead. My cousin Harold, he's dead.
*'''Coach Z''': And my back still hurts. And my knees still hurt. And my head still hurts.
*'''The King of Town''': Government ain't right! Government ain't right!
*'''Bubs'''So : my [[W:escrow|escrow]] carried over into my [[W:lumbago|lumbago]], but then my [[W:sciatica|sciatica]] started acting up.
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, can you guys start using some words that were invented after the year nineteen-oh-zero?
*'''The King of Town''': Come now, young whipper-snapper. My fellows and I were just about to start playing at games of chance!
*'''Strong Bad''': Lemme guess. That doesn't include Bed Axe.
*''[cut back to Strong Bad at his computer]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, you might wanna put a cap on what you define as &quot;older kids.&quot;
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*'''Strong Bad''': Other than that, you can always look forward to endlessly ridiculing the kid that got picked up early 'cause he misses his mom. Strong Sad used to do that when we'd have slumber parties in our own basement!
*'''Strong Sad''': That only happened once!
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh-huh...
*'''Strong Sad''': A week...
*'''Strong Bad''': Keep going.
*'''Strong Sad''': For ten years...
*'''Strong Bad''': There you go!

===Web comic (181)===
[[File:Sprite comic example.svg|thumb|If you can't draw, never fear, just steal some graphics from your favorite video game, and add yet another unlicensed [[W:sprite comic|pixel comic]] to the overcrowded, overstunk landfill of web comics.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': [Webcomics are] all about video games, gamernerds, webgeeks, dorknerds, gamewads, nerdgames, webwebs, and elves.
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*'''Strong Bad''': Another approach is to just ask for input from your viewers and rip that off for content. [turns around to face the camera] Pfff. What a cop-out.
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*'''Strong Bad''': Borgorroth of Coolswordorroth shimmies for no man!
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*'''Strong Bad''': Or if you can't draw, never fear, just steal some graphics from your favorite video game, and add yet another unlicensed [[W:sprite comic|pixel comic]] to the overcrowded, overstunk landfill of web comics.
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*'''Strong Bad''': Everyone knows that putting “web” in front of words automatically makes them crappier. Just look what happened to “[[W:webpage|pages]]”, and “[[W:webcam|cams]]”, and “[[Blogging|logs]]”. And who could forget the fall of the mighty “[[W:webisode|isode]]”. Ohh, so tragic.
===Yes, wrestling (183)===
[[File:Christopher Daniels 1.jpg|thumb|Being an awesome wrestler has nothing to do with awesome wrestling moves! It’s all about awesome costumes, gimmicks, and dinosaur tranquilizer fueled ranting and raving.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': Well, Gardenboy, as a crafty ring veteran, I can let you in on a little secret. Being an awesome wrestler has nothing to do with awesome wrestling moves! It’s all about awesome costumes, gimmicks, and dinosaur tranquilizer fueled ranting and raving. I got my first big break with cable access’ longest named wrestling organization, All World Mid-Pro Shirtless Championship Entertainment or AWMPSCE. Of course they wanted me to be one of those lame masked wrestlers at first, but I have gimmickier plans.

===Diorama (184)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Dioramas shouldn't be wasted, Mollyman. This is probably the only school-approved opportunity to melt small plastic animals and shame our beloved literary characters that you're ever gonna get. I say embrace it! I say deface it!!
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*'''Strong Bad''': Now let's talk about topics. If the assignment calls for a science diorama, just slap some glue on some cotton balls and ''bang!'' The effects of [[W:cumulonimbus|cumulonimbus]] clouds on sheep, snowmen, aaaand... cotton... balls.
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*'''Strong Bad''': The easiest way to get around reading an actual book is to make one up yourself! I can't tell you how many dioramas I got out of The King Of Town's Adventures in Giant Cockroachland! Books one through seven. Though with the Internet, it's probably easier for teachers to check your sources than in my day. To get away with that now, you'd also have to make a fake website for the book, and the author, and the publisher, and just to be safe, maybe go ahead and actually write the book. Man, it’s gotten so hard to cheat these days!

===Nightlife (185)===
*'''Strong Sad''': Strong Bad, are you putting on [[w:Body spray|body spray]]?
*'''Strong Bad''': Shut up! Guys don't wear body spray. This is uh... the blood... of slain... warrior... mammoths.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

*'''Strong Mad''': ''[“reading” fast food bag]'' YOU'RE NOT ON THE LIST!
*'''Strong Bad''': The list?! You're looking at a greasy bag of fast food!
*'''Strong Mad''': DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF! ''[laughs]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Wait, what? Strong Mad, did you just make a ''joke''?!
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*'''Marzipan''': You don't look like you're having very much fun, Strong Sad.
*'''Strong Sad''': Oh I'm having a great time. This is my favorite club to go to, and not dance. Sometimes I'll even think about dancing, and then not dance. And if I'm feeling really crazy, I'll actually get out on the dance floor, and bust some fresh not-dancing.
*'''Marzipan''': Then how about I start busting some fresh not-hanging-out-with-you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

*'''Strong Bad''': ''[voiceover]'' And at some point during the night, we all get &quot;treated&quot; to Coach Z attempting to [[W:freestyle rap|freestyle]].
*'''Coach Z''': One two one two, 'bout to freestyle... One, two? One two?
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[voiceover]'' I mean... count to two over and over again.

===Winter pool (187)===
*'''Gel-Arshie''': I'M AN ABOMINATION! And I'm comin' to your house after school!
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[voiceover]'' Y'know, I really think those Marshie commercials ought to be rated [[W:NC-17|NC-17]]. ''[caption appears in the top left corner, reading &quot;NC-17, Needlessly Creepy times 17&quot;]''

===Licensed (190)===
*'''Strong Bad''': The true sign of being famous is in the unlicensed stuff! And we're all over that! In fact, we've got our own application process for becoming an officially licensed unlicensed seller of Strong Bad and The Cheat knock-offs.
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*'''Strong Bad''':  The main requirements are that the country of manufacture has changed name five times since I was in seventh grade; that you sell your wares from a blanket; that you always refer to the selling of our items as &quot;numba [sic] one bargain!&quot;; and that one of us has to have a human nose.
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*'''Strong Bad''': Just as I suspected! Totally legit looking stuff! Where are the human noses? The misspellings? The choking hazards?
*'''Bubs''': That's the kind of stuff I usually sell at the concession stand. This is the black market, man!
*'''Strong Bad''': So, wait a minute. Your shady bootleg operation peddles quality goods, while your legal store front sells dangerous crap?
*'''Bubs''': Exactly. I got a repatation to uphold!

===Buried (191)===
*'''Strong Sad''': I think that's just the cap of a bottle of Cold Ones Dry. You could probably just pick it up.
*'''Strong Bad''': What, are you crazy? I'm not touching that thing! It's booby trapped! It'll shoot a bunch of poison-tipped witch doctors at me!
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'''Strong Bad''': Quit ruining my ruins, [[Jurassic Park (film)|Jurassic Dork]]!
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*'''Bubs''': [shows up with numerous barrels of toxic waste] Anyways, I'm here for my weekly, Ahem, &quot;delivery&quot;.
*'''Strong Bad''':Yeah, yeah, just bury it wherever. But if you uncover any ruins, or hot aliens, or riches, they're mine, OK?
*'''Bubs''': Uh, what about fellas named Rich?
*'''Strong Bad''': Wha-what? No, I don't know anyone named Rich.
*'''Bubs''': OK, good. ''Then he can stay where he is''.
*'''Strong Sad''': Uh, is there anyway I can unhear the last few sentences? Or years of my life?

===Rated (193)===
[[File:Triple-R rating.png|thumb|In triple R -rated movies, you can show bullets go all the way through people! In the front, through their guts and organs and breakfast and RIGHT OUT the BACK! That is nasty, man!]]
'''Strong Bad''': The only thing better than [[W:R-rated|R-rated]] movies are double and triple R-rated movies! Let me break down the subtle differences for you. In an R-rated movie, the good guy only blows people up in self-defense. But double R -rated movies are allowed to blur the line! Man, I saw this one double R-rated movie, where the good guy stepped on this rabbit, and he didn't kill it, but then later on in the movie, he wished he did! The GOOD GUY! That's messed up, man! You can't let kids watch that kind of thing! Then in triple R -rated movies, you can show bullets go all the way through people! In the front, through their guts and organs and breakfast and RIGHT OUT the BACK! That is nasty, man!
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'''Strong Bad''': Only three have ever been made: ''Women's Penitentiary Bakesale Nightmare'', The ''Fists of Knuckles'' series, and ''Axe-Gun: Legends of the Brain-Outener''. They even banned those movies in [[W:Transylvania|Transylvania]], where you're required by law to eat puppies for breakfast. And even if a theater were showing it, which ours conveniently is, you gotta be like sixty-something years old just to buy tickets.

===Specially marked (194)===
[[File:Flag of Iowa.svg|thumb|The first hazard to watch out for are cereals that include anything grown in [[Iowa]] in the name. You know— corn, wheat, oats, hogs, fundamentally-sound college basketball players. Please, stay away from these.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': Well before you get the toys inside, you first have to navigate the treacherous, jaggedy rock filled class 5 rapids of specially marked cereal box fake outs! Luckily, I'm a lame sandal wearing hippie with a ponytail that's been down these rapids with groups of tourists many times!
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*'''Strong Bad''': The first hazard to watch out for are cereals that include anything grown in [[Iowa]] in the name. You know— corn, wheat, oats, hogs, fundamentally-sound college basketball players. Please, stay away from these. Those cereals only ever put fitness-related crap in specially marked boxes.
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*'''Strong Bad''': You know what kind of toys I'd put in specially marked boxes? […] Anything heavy and pointy enough to do lasting damage to the face.

===Love poems (195)===
[[File:Candle light, pillar candle.jpg|thumb|Your eyes, they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset. Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens hung to dry on the deck. Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would use to describe your mouth. And your nose: like an unscented emergency candle for when the power goes out.]]
[[File:Trifolium sp., Adana 01.jpg|thumb|Tis ne'er e'er o'er m'lo'er o' clo'er.]]
'''Strong Bad''': Did you know that writing love poems is as easy as telling a girl she's hot with the fance-pantsiest words you can think of? For poetic inspiration, I like to swipe the names of scented candle fragrances! “''Your eyes, they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset. Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens hung to dry on the deck. Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would use to describe your mouth. And your nose: like an unscented emergency candle for when the power goes out.''”
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*'''Strong Bad''': Another way of fancying up a love poem is to replace random letters in the middle of words with apostrophes. &quot;It is never ever over, my lover of clover&quot; becomes &quot;'Tis ne'er e'er o'er m'lo'er o' clo'er&quot;.
*'''Coach Z''': ''[suddenly leans in]'' Now you're sporkin' my language!
*'''Strong Bad''': Get out!

===being mean (199)===
'''Strong Bad:''' Oh, wait. Being mean is the best choice there, too. Look, this is clearly not a job for me, Nice Dad. (Translation: Uncool Dad) But when it comes to teaching kids about behavior and choices and various other words from parenting books, there’s only one place to look for answers: the drama club!

===Hremail 3184 (201)===
*'''Strong Bad:''' “Dear Strong Bad, What was the coolest explosion you ever saw? From Kelly, [[USA|Ūsa]].” Mmmm! An exotic lady from the far east! That's kind of a vague question don'tcha think? That's like me asking, &quot;Dear Kelly, what's your favorite molecule of air that you've breathed?&quot; Or &quot;What's your favorite Strong Bad muscle that you wanted to rub with hot oils?&quot; You gotta narrow it down somehow. Like, do you wanna know about the coolest looking explosion I ever rigged up in Strong Sad's org-ethnic breakfast pouch on a Tuesday?
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*'''Strong Bad''':  Everybody knows that the more spit it takes to describe an explosion, the cooler said explosion was. And the cooler said explosion-talker-abouter is!
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*'''Strong Sad''': Well, you know, Announcerman, that's right! All you gophers out there better listen up! The Magnificent Marzipan stole all Gardenboy's garden tools! And I don't care if she's the women's champion, men's champion, the half-woman half-man's champion, bu- Do we have one of those?
*'''Announcerman''': Er, yes, I believe we do.
*'''Strong Sad''': Well, can I fight them instead?

===Imaginary (202)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear. Streer. Beer. My brother had a friend over today and he drove me crazy!! What should I do about it? Crudfully, Henry Wisner, ''[[Wisconsin|why?]]''” “Crudfully”? Really? What, was your mom sitting over your shoulder when you typed this email? And is your mom the kind of lady that won't let you type the word “crap”? Don't get me wrong, I still woulda made fun of you if you had typed “crapfully”, I prolly would have just left your moms out of it.

===Independent (203)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Independent films are called that for a reason: they are independent of anything good.
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*'''Strong Sad''': I minored in holding on wide shots for too long!
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*'''Strong Bad''': [An indie film director will] spend his 30-million dollar budget trying as hard as he can to make it look like he only spent a few hundred thousand. The first step is to spend millions on a hand-drawn title sequence that looks like it was made by some Junior High kid during Pre-Algebra. 
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': The title of the movie is either two of the cleverly named main characters, or the city and state in which it takes place. Ooh, in fact, just call it &quot;city, comma, state&quot;.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': an indie film's plot is pretty much the same as any summer blockbuster, but just switch out any mention of the word &quot;space&quot; with the word, &quot;small factory town&quot;, replace &quot;aliens&quot; with &quot;quirky, dysfunctional family&quot;, And replace &quot;voyage&quot; with... &quot;journey&quot;.

===Videography (205)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Hopefully that will be enough to keep your wife from wondering why her video media technologist husband wasn't smart enough to think of putting a video camera on a tripod across the room and press record. But you could probably also get away with just putting a label that says &quot;WEDDIN [sic] TAPE&quot; on a VHS cassette since none-out-of-none couples actually ever watch their wedding video. Unless of course a baby drops an f-bomb, somebody pukes in their toupee, or Grandmaw Auntpaw rolls down the stairs in her wheelchair. In which case you simply post it online and turn it into internet gold! And I can definitely arrange for some of that stuff to happen at your wedding, if you enlist my services as an &quot;event coordinator.&quot;

===The next april fool’s thing (208)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Sincerely, Mollie B.” Oh, that is a waste of a perfectly good middle &quot;B&quot; initial, Mollie! Lemme fix that for ya! “Sincerely, Mollie B. Chowdwerworth Gruelmanger”. You know, of the Puntington Farms Gruelmangers.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': For motivation, I do what any great coach does, and berate myself until I get results or until I quit the team and press charges!
*[Cut to Strong Bad shouting at himself in a mirror]
*'''Strong Bad''': Chowderworth Gruelmanger?! You call that an overly-complicated old-timey last name?! That is bush-league, son! I am sick and tired of this crap! And [[W:Bobby Knight|I'm sick of losing to Purdue]]!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Always be'sing and do'sing! And never cheesing or choosing! Always be'sing and do'sing!
*'''Strong Bad''': Er... Homestar?
*'''Homestar Runner''': And never cheesing or choosing!
*'''Strong Bad''': Homestar!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, what?
*'''Strong Bad''': You're in my house.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yup.
*'''Strong Bad''': Again.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yeppers.
*'''Strong Bad''':: Aaand you brought a boulder.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Not me. [[W:Plate tectonics|Plate tectonics]].
*'''Strong Bad''': What are you doin' in here, man?!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh. Well, I heard you talking about motivation and inspiration, and I decided to brush off my old ABD's!
*'''Strong Bad''': Umm, Aloud But Deadly?
*'''Homestar Runner''': You don't know about the ABD's, Strong Bad?
*''[long beat; electronic whine can be heard in the background]''
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[whispering]'' I'm just gonna stay silent in the hope that you won't tell me what it means.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Always be'sing and do'sing!
*'''Strong Bad''': You say that like it clarified anything.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Rules for an inspired life, Strong Bad. No matter what you do, or where you are, always be's be'sing and do'sing.
*'''Strong Bad''': So you started a cult.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, kinda. For instance, I am currently be'sing on this boulder, and I am do'sing an ABD workshop with you.
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh, okay. Then I am be'sing full of rage, and do'sing a roundhouse kick to your face!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Nooope, nope nope, that was some prime choosing you committed right there. Did you see it?
*'''Strong Bad''': Wait, what's wrong with choosing?!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Cheesing and choosing. The antithesis of be'sing and do'sing! If you're choosin', you're losin'.
*'''Strong Bad''': Just because something rhymes doesn't mean it's good life advice!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Ah! And that's a perfect example of cheesing!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Changin' attitudes with rhymin' platitudes!

===Parenting (209)===
'''Strong Bad''': And so Mike Morkleson— I-I don't know if that's your last name but you just seem like a real Morkleson —thus ended my brief foray into the soirée of fatherhood. I've distilled it all down into 3 main points, so you can remember: Number one: Babies are totally boring for the first nine months. Give to Grandma. 2. Keep a drawer full of useless keys and TV remotes for some reason. And number 3. That much ballyhooed 'new baby smell' people are always talking about, it just smells like crap! Babies just smell like crap! You just get used to it!! Don't let 'em fool you! It's not a good smell! BABIES SMELL LIKE CRAAAAAAAP!

===Robots (210)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Now follow him and learn what their robot world domination plans are so we can copy 'em!
*'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises]
*'''Strong Bad''': Of course they want to take over the world! Why else would robots be having a secret council meeting?
*'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises]
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh. I suppose a [[w:Firmware|firmware]] upgrade is a possibility. If it is, then take this [[w:Floppy disk|floppy]] and download it.

==Teen Girl Squad==
[[File:Gilbert Stuart Williamstown Portrait of George Washington.jpg|thumb|Woot.]]
''Note: the series is a show-within-a-show. All the characters are “voiced” by Strong Bad''

*'''The girls''': ''[Repeated line]'' SOOOOO GOOD!

===Issue 1===
*'''Narrator''': ARROWED!!!

===Issue 3===
*'''So and So''': Before we shop, how about some PAN-ASIAN CUISINE?
*'''The Ugly One''': Three [[W:spring roll|spring rolls]], please.
*''[chef throws spring rolls at The Ugly One]''
*'''Chef''': [[W:MSG|MSG]]'D!!
*'''The Ugly One''': Ow! My stomach lining!

===Issue 4===
*'''What’s Her Face''': When you fall in a bottomless pit, you die of starvation.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Narrator''': ''[in a sinister tone as possums approach]'' '''Possummmms...'''

===Issue 5===
*'''The Ugly One''': [thinking] I hope nobody cool or famous is staring at me.
*[ [[George Washington]], [[Abraham Lincoln|Abe Lincoln]], and [[Henry Rollins]] appear and point at The Ugly One.]
*'''George Washington''': Look, look at that girl.
*'''So and So''': She's my friend, but not my best. [beat] Now who wants to tandem parasail with me?
*'''George Washington''': Woot.
*'''Abe Lincoln''': Woot.
*'''Henry Rollins''': Woot.

===Issue 7===
*'''Toddler What’s her Face''': I can count to G!
*'''Toddler Cheerleader''': That's nothing. I can count to purple backwards!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Toddler What’s her Face''': Here comes Tompkins.
*'''Tompkins''': Listen up, you undapants! Who wants to get hogtied, and pushed down, into, some snakewater?
*'''Toddler The Ugly One''' Tompkins, how do you be so short?
*'''Tompkins''': Heck, I'm taller than you.
*'''The girls''': TOMPKINS MADE A SWEAR!!!
*'''Tompkins''': Waaaahh!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Toddler What’s her Face''':  Tompkins crinkled when he walked.
*'''Toddler So and So''': Poor guy never made it out of training pants.

===Issue 9===
*'''Cheerleader''': Okay, my art galleries, let's get ready to be...
*'''The girls''': SOOOOO DEAD!

===Issue 10===
[[File:The WB Network logo.svg|thumb|I don't think I can stomach another show not on [[W:the WB|the WB]].]]
*'''The Ugly One''': So... who wants to come to my sweet someteen birthday bash tonight?
*'''What’s Her Face''': Is it going to be [[W:Nick at Nite|Nick at Nite]] themed again?
*'''So and So''': I don't think I can stomach another show not on [[W:the WB|the WB]].
*'''Cheerleader''': No! We can't come. We have... the... [[Olympic Games|Olympics]]... tonight!
*'''The Ugly One''': Oh, cuz it's a boy/girl party...
*'''Cheerleader and So and So''': a B'GRL PRTY?!?
*'''What’s Her Face''': Taking the vowels out of words doesn't always make them cool.
*'''So and So''': 'm srry.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Narrator''': [[W:pwned|Puh-owned]]! Or however you say that...
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Sad''': [after catching Strong Bad making out with a picture of The Ugly One]  Uh, Strong Bad, were you just [[W:baseball metaphors for sex|first-basin' it]] with that piece of loose-leaf?!

===Issue 12===
*'''Cheerleader''': ''[to So and So]'' Shut yer plaid skirted face! Here comes a boy!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''The Ugly One''': Owww! My the fact that I was alive a second ago!
*'''So and So''': I'll notify her next of... uh... fruit cup. ''[to fruit cup]'' I'm so sorry to have to tell you this...
*'''Cheerleader''': Stop talking to fruit! Valentimes ''[sic]'' is serious times!
*'''So and So''': -tines.
*'''Cheerleader''': What?
*'''So and So''': Valen-TINES!! T-I-N— ''[So and So is run over by a [[W:formula 1|formula 1]] car driven by [[W:tine (structural)|a fork]]]''
*'''Cheerleader''': As I was saying, Vamlumtime's ''[sic]'' Day is serious times.

===Issue 13===
'''Momkins''': Listen, I'll be at a place until a time, my cell phone number is some numbers, the baby needs stuff, what’s poison control? Punch Tompkins in the gut, good luck. SHE GONE!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''So and So''': [Holding up a book called &quot;&lt;s&gt;urban legends&lt;/s&gt; i mean health class&quot; [sic]] Don't you remember health class?! YOU’LL MICROWAVE THE BABY!!

===Issue 15===
[[File:Vocaloid + HRP-4C Miim collaboration (clip), Yamaha booth, CEATEC JAPAN 2009.jpg|thumb|You'd think I'd be into life-size, realistic robots, but that thing makes me wanna barf up my earlier energy drink into the one I'm currently drinking.]]
*'''Cheerleader''': Oh my grash, gals! Guess who just got a date for the priggidy prizom?!
*'''What’s Her Face''': I'm a little rusty on my white girl gangsta. Does that mean you're dating a pretty prism?
*'''So and So''': No no, that's the name of this year's prom.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Japanese Culture Greg''': Come on Chizuko, we're too cool for the prom anyway.
*'''Chizuko''': Welcome, American investor, to [[ W:Consumer electronics show|2005 Consumer Robotics]] Show!
*'''Sci-fi Greg''': You'd think I'd be into life-size, realistic robots, but that thing makes me wanna barf up my earlier energy drink into the one I'm currently drinking.
*''[Chizuko vaporizes Japanese Culture Greg]''
*'''Narrator''': [[W:UNCANNY VALLEY|UNCANNY VALLEY]]'D!
*'''Japanese Culture Greg''': THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE!

==Marzipan’s Answering Machine==
===Version 2.0===
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, yes, hello there Mrs. Pan. This is, uh, Detective Everybody down here at the station. And um, and we got your boyfriend Homestar down here and, uh, he's dead. Beca— we killed him, because he was so stupid that we had to shoot him, to keep h-him from being even more stupid. So if you wanna come down and I.D. the body, there's not much left... we put about 37 slugs in him, eh-and things don't look too good. Uh, so if you could come down we would appreciate it, right now, um, to come look at your dead boyfriend. ''[cracking up]'' Okay, have a good day.

===Version 17.2===
[[File:Planking in a kitchen.jpg|thumb|Etched into the halls of history!]]
[[File:OUYA-Console-set-h.png|thumb|Written in [[W:Sharpie|Sharpie]] on the bathroom wall of history!]]
[[File:Jeremy Lin Adidas (cropped).jpg|thumb|Carved into the tree trunk of history!]]
[[File:Google Glass photo.JPG|thumb|Blinking photographs into the profile pics of history!]]
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh dang! Oh dang muffins! Oh dang muffins pie! OH DANG MUFFINS PIE À LA MODE! This is gonna be the best April Fools' Day prank call ever! Now you're sure the science is sound? The battle axes and [[W:cheese whizz|Cheez Wheezes]] will actually get through the phone lines?
*'''The Cheat''': ''[gibberish]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh... [[W:fiber optics|fiber optics]]... makes sense, makes sense...
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, man, Marzipan! Have you heard about the new internet craze, [[W:planking (fad)|planking]]? It is gonna be around forever, and I'm gonna be doing it forever! Etched into the halls of history!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[smoothly]'' Good afternoon, Mrs. Pan. This is Vince Napmaker from public radio's &quot;The World is my Butt&quot;. We wanted to call you to thank you for being a continued supporter of public radio. But we wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to increase your support. Every dollar counts. Do you have any idea how much it costs to act like you're this much better than everyone else? And furthermore, our uppity podcasts aren't going to create themselves. So please, as always, for the sake of tote bags everywhere, put a bunch of cash in a paper and/or plastic bag and leave it on the doorstep.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh man, Marzipan. [[W:Kickstarter|Kickstarter]] sensation the [[W:Ouya|Ouya]], they're gonna make games for that thing for the rest of eternity! Mark my words, every game that comes out from now until the end of time will also come out on the Ouya. Gonna outlive [[W:Sony|Sony]], [[Nintendo]], [[W:Coleco|Coleco]], Canseco&lt;ref&gt;There is no such company; however there was formerly a [[W:Conseco inc.|Conseco]], now known as CNO Financial Group.&lt;/ref&gt;, [[W:Jaleco|Jaleco]], all of the heavy hitters. Anyways, I can't wait to be playing Ouya games in fifteen years, or even like, five months! Written in [[W:Sharpie|Sharpie]] on the bathroom wall of history!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, man, Marzipan, I don't think I'm feeling so good. I think I've got a bad case of... [[W:Linsanity|Linsanity]]! Oh, man! Have you seen this kid? [[W:Jeremy Lin|Jeremy Lin]]! He can't be stopped! He's gonna score thirty points a game for the rest of his career! The [[W:Knicks|Knicks]] are never gonna let this guy go! Face of the franchise. I will never forget Linsanity. Carved into the tree trunk of history!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Sad''': Oh, hey Marzipan. It's Strong Sad. Uh, I've just been feeling really depressed, 'cause, because I haven't been acting very depressed. It used to be my thing, but I don't feel like I get to be sad and depressing anymore, like I used to. So I just want to kinda beef up my numbers in the sad and depressing column. So I may be leaving you some messages, you know sort of dark, inner demons, and that kind of thing. Should be fun.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[robotically]'' Greetings, Marzipan. This is an automated call from Grody Lab Results, Incorporated. Your test results are: negative.
*'''Strong Sad''': ''[in the background]'' Negative is ''good'' when you're talking about lab results!
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[normal voice]'' Wait, what? Oh, ''[resumes speaking robotically]'' your test results are: positive. ''[normal voice]'' Are you sure? It sounds like I'm giving her good news.
*'''Strong Sad''': I don't want to be party to this!
*'''Strong Bad''': They should be less confusing. ''[robotically]'' Your test results are: terrible. And you're dying, or possibly already dead by the time you get this. If you want us to perform experimental surgery on you and, like, sew a llama head onto your existing head, please call back during regular putting-llama-heads-on-people hours and we will schedule an appointment. This prank call has not been my finest execution. Thank you and have a nice day.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh man, Marzipan. Can you hear that? That is the majestic hush of a paradigm shift. That's right. Me and Pom Pom are waiting in line for our [[W:Google Glass|Google Glass]]! I can't wait to be like, lookin' through this thing! And like, seein' other things! I honestly can't remember how I lived my life yesterday, without Google Glass. These things are gonna change the way they build cities! I'm talkin' [[Jeff Bezos|Bezos]] segway style. Alright, I gotta go. It's almost me and Pom Pom's turn! Blinking photographs into the profile pics of history!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[unconvincing “foreign” accent]'' Oh, yes, Marzipan. This is your foreign boyfriend, Rongardo Shavemybody. It's so nice to hear your voice again on machine of answers. I miss all the time we spent in foreign lands together, havin' exotic foods. I'm visiting your country now, and want you to come and meet with me. I hear there's a lovely little café in a place called Strong Badia. Would you go, please, and wait for me there? As is the custom of my people, I will be very late, and you should wait for a really long time. You will think that it is too long to be waiting, but I assure you is the custom of my payple ''[sic]'', and you don't want to be offending my payple, do you? Alright. I kiss you on both sides of your cheek and underneath your chin. As is the custom of... a-my PAYple. And now I bid you farewell in the most prime language of my country. [[W:Braunschweiger|Braunschweiger]]!

==Strong Bad’s Disc 4 of 12==
===[[W:FriendlyWare|FriendlyWare]]===
*'''Strong Bad''': All right, let's see, what else we got? &quot;Eye &amp; Hearing Test&quot;? How'd they sneak that one onto the top menu? That should definitely be between, like, the Amortaninazation Calculator and like, Edgar's Checkbook Balance Blasta.

===[[W:World Games (video game)|World Games]]===
*'''Strong Bad''': &quot;Enter your name.&quot; I gotta go with the number one world athletic champion, Loadpast. &quot;Loadpast pick your country!&quot; I see the very current nations of [[Soviet Union|U.S.S.R.]] and [[W:West Germany|West Germany]].
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Nice wipeout! I did, like six 360s! That's like a... ''six-thrixty!''
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  [Playing the “[[W:Bull Riding|Bull Riding]]” minigame] Whoa, palette swap! That is jarring. [twangy accent] In [[Texas]], we only see things in the taco seasoning spectrum. Who needs [[W:CMYK|CMYK]] when you can have... GMCJ? That's [[W:guacamole|guacamole]], [[W:mole (sauce)|mole]], [[W:cayenne|cayenne]] and [[W:jalapeño|jalapeño]].

==Strongest Man in the World==
*'''Homestar Runner''': Everybody loves the me! I'm a terrific athlete!

==The Homestar Runner Gets Something Stuck in his Craw==
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[narrating a picture book]'' Strong Bad and his The Cheat rolled up and started talking smack. ''[in awkward monotone]'' &quot;You look dumb and stuff! Doing yardwork is only for the loseriest of losers!&quot;
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': &quot;Ha ha ha ha! That guy is talking to a thing that's not a person!&quot; cackled Strong Bad with sort of a nose.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Bravo, Strong Bad. You simply must read one more.
*'''Strong Bad''': Ohh, fine, fine. So I shall. How about The Strong Sad Wets Yonder Bed?
*'''Strong Sad''': ''[leans in]'' There is no such kids' book!

== The Best Decemberween Ever ==
*'''Strong Bad''': Okay, let's see what we got from Homestar here...
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Open it! Open it! That one's from me. It took me forever to pick it out!
*'''Strong Bad''': What?! The [[Deep Impact]] DVD?! You got me this for like the last three years, man!
*'''Homestar Runner''':  I know! And you liked it so much, I decided to get it for you again!
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh, man! This is the worst Decem—
*'''Homestar Runner''': This is the best Decemberween ever!

==Flash is Dead!==
*'''Strong Bad''': Now listen. I've got enough classic motion [[W:tweening|tweens]] and deprecated actions in ol' F-Sack here to last us at least six months until we can learn [[W:HTML5|HTML5]].
*'''Homestar Runner''': Ooh, I know what that stands for! Hyper-Text Markup Lotion! ''[holds up lotion]'' Let me poop a little bit out for you. ''Thbbt thbbt thbbt''.
*'''Strong Bad''': Nope, nope, nope, [[W:the land of ten-thousand lakes|the land of ten-thousand nopes]].
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, the death of Flash is equivalent to a giant meteor heading straight for the Earth!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oohhh, I got you. Sounds like somebody's asking for another heaping helping of... Deep Impact! Strong Bad, this is [[Morgan Freeman|Morgan]] [[The Shawshank Redemption|Shawshank]], I need you to hit that meteor with every [[W:Robert Duvall|Duvall]] you've got.
*'''Strong Bad''':  Never mind. I'll be in Bubs' fallout shelter if anybody needs me. Good luck with yourself, Homestar.
*'''Homestar Runner''': [[W:I don't want to miss a thing|I don't want to miss a thing]]!
*'''Strong Bad''':  [[Armageddon (film)|Wrong movie]].
*'''Homestar Runner''': Wait, [[W:twin films|those were two different movies]]? But they both came out, like, [[w:1998 in film|the same summer]] even.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
[[File:Planetoid crashing into primordial Earth.jpg|thumb|HOPE n’ STUFF!]]
*HOPE n’ STUFF!
**”Tagline” to Deep Impact
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*Oh man! Oh dang man!
**”Quote” from [[W:Jeffery Lyons|Jeffery Lyons]] on the cover of the Deep Impact DVD

==Bug in Mouth Disease==
[[File:Shakespeare.jpg|thumb|And that's why come [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] was so awesome.]]
*'''TV narrator''': And that's why come ''[sic]'' [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] was so awesome.
*'''Strong Sad''': Oh! I see now.
*'''Strong Bad''': Hey, [[W:Dairy Queen|Dairy Queen]].
*'''Strong Sad''': I already told you, I don't want to be called that any more! I made a mistake!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Oh, sorry, Dairy Queen. Anyways, look. I just thought you should know that all your underwears somehow ended up individually priced and labeled in an online auction.
*'''Strong Sad''': Nobody buy the blue ones! ''[vacates the couch and runs out]''
*'''Strong Bad''':  That was too easy. Now to settle down for the 24-hour Caleb Rentpayer marathon!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Tuxworth''': ''[on TV]'' Caleb, were you making a little tent out of my jacket?
*'''Caleb''': ''[on TV]'' I am now!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Yeah, you make that little tent, Caleb! He's not the boss of you!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Bubs''': I've got terrible, terrible news, Homestar.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, no! Is it about the good times?
*'''Bubs''': I'm afraid you've got no [[W:pancreas|pancreas]]. But I do happen to have [[W:Organ trade|a fresh one for sale]] right here!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Bubs, are you an unethical quack?
*'''Bubs''': The most quackinest!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Strong Bad, I really need your help.
*'''Strong Bad''': And I really need to find out who shot Caleb Rentpayer!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, that's easy. I did.
*'''Strong Bad''': You-ka— w-wha?
*'''Tuxworth''': ''[on TV]''  Homestar Runner... did you shoot Caleb?
*'''Homestar Runner''': ''[on TV]''  I sure did.
*'''Strong Bad''': You traitor! You shot my favorite TV show!

==Sickly Sam's Big Outing==
*'''Announcer''': Listen up, short children! It's the Fluffy Puff Air-Puffed Sugar Delights Presents The Homestar Runner Progrum ''[sic]''! In ''a'' color!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''The Homestar Runner''': Now let's get you dressed to the five and three-quarterses. ''[puts a bow tie on Sickly Sam]''
*'''Sickly Sam''': I do believe you've spicked my span.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Sickly Sam''': ''[observing a hole in the boardwalk]'' What a pleasant hole. I can't say 'nough good things about this hole.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': Curses, you bone-legged boob! I'll pump you generously full of lead, shot at high velocity out of my pistola so as to pierce the flesh! Or in your case, the burlap sack! ''[Sickly Sam grabs him and begins swallowing him, very slowly]'' Rrrah! I can't believe I'm being eaten! What a tragedy! I was supposed to sell you to the glue factory and whatnot! I can't believe I'm still being eaten! This is taking so much longer than I expected!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': ''[after being eaten]'' Curses! All they've got in here is [[W:Parcheesi|Parcheesi]]! Can't a gentle-man ''[sic]'' at least get a game of, say, pole-dagger, or [[W:Polynesia|Polynesian]] [[W:Roulette|Roulette]]? What manner of uncivilized ribcage is this, anyways?

==Mr. Shmallow==
*'''Mr. Shmallow''': Each delight is hand puffed with a blend of only the finest airs. Air-puffing is surely the future of eating ''delicious'' foodstuffs.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Mr. Shmallow''': Add open flames to create a ''flavor taste'' that will send you ''to the moon!''
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
*'''Mr. Shmallow''': Look lively. LOOK LIVELY!
*'''The Homestar Runner''': ''[watching Shmallow on TV]'' That monster's gonna give me nightmares.

==That a Ghost==
*'''The Homestar Runner''': Guess what I read in the news-papper ''[sic]'' today.
*'''Old-Timey Marzipan''': I can't guess.
*'''The Homestar Runner''': I read that a ghost.
*'''Old-Timey Marzipan''': You read that a ghost what?
*'''The Homestar Runner''': I read that a ghost is.
*'''Old-Timey Marzipan''': You read that a ghost is what?
*'''The Homestar Runner''': I read that a ghost is here in town and there's a 27 cent ree-ward for its capture.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': Says here in the news-papper ''[sic]'' that the encapturement of the new apparition garners top reward of 26 and one pennies. We could buy the monocle off [[John D. Rockefeller|Rockefeller's]] very eyeball with that kind of cash!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''':  You're too late! The reward will be ours! I'll be marching around in gold pants in no time!
*'''Old-Timey Marzipan''':: Where's the ghost?
*'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''':  Behold! The fantoustic ''[sic]'' phantasm.
*'''The Homestar Runner''': That's no ghost. That's just our worst friend Sickly Sam.
*'''Sickly Sam''': I bury myself alive on Tuesdays.
*'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''':  Criminy crickets! Foiled again!

==Meet Marshie==
*'''Marshie''': Stuff some in your pockets for ''SEEECRET EATING!!!''
&lt;hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Marshie''': Now try new Fluffy Puff All-Marshmallow Mayonnaise. [in a bizarre, creepy high-pitched whisper] ''Made from the be-e-e-st stuuuuuff~''
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': I hate that freakin' marshmallow.
==Malloween Commercial==
*'''Marshie''': ''[crying backstage]'' WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT?!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': I thought you said you were the star of this one.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, right. I made that up. But I did get to keep this cool eyeball. Seeeee! Seeee!
*'''Strong Bad''': What are you doing!?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Isn't that the sound that um... eyeballs make?

==Strong Bad is a Bad Guy==
*'''Strong Mad''': A GLOWY BOX! A GLOWY BOX!
*'''Strong Bad''': A glowy box? Are you sure that's what you'd get for your tattoo?
*'''Strong Mad''':: IT'S PERSONAL!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Hey guys! H'whatcha teekenbot ''[sic]''?
*'''Strong Bad''': We're talking about something cool and interesting. You wouldn't understand.
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Oh, tattoos, huh?

==The House That Gave Sucky Tricks==
*'''Strong Mad''': THIS HALLOWEEN'S NOT WORKING!
*'''Strong Bad''': Boy, you said it, Strong Mad. This is the lamest haunted house ever. My pants haven't entertained the thought of peeing themselves even once.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Scary shoes!
*'''Strong Bad''': Really? Spooky shoes?
*'''Homestar Runner''': No, no. Scary shoes. Spooky shoes are the next room.
*'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, your haunted house is even worse than normal this year. You ever think of using any actual Halloween decorations?
*'''Homestar Runner''': No, Marzipan only let me use stuff from the Goodwill donations pile. Incomplete jigsaw puzzle! [throws it towards them, scaring The Cheat]
*'''Strong Bad''': This place is a disgrace to haunted houses, haunted hovels, haunted timeshares, and haunted extended stay motels even.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Then there would be... the gross out room. But instead of severed limbs, and surgeries gone wrong, it's just a silent white room filled with pure stench. And, oh, ho, ho. What a stench it is! Let me lay it on you like a movie trailer: Strong Mad! Oyster! Smoothie! Breath! Caked! Armpit! Latte!
*'''Marzipan''': Strong Bad, you know those words in that sequence are illegal.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': There'd also be one of those [[W:Escape room|immersive horror experience rooms]] that are so popular these days.
*'''Strong Sad''': OK. Gotta logic this out. Open the vault… before time runs out. Skeleton's pointing at a clue. Am I on the right track?
*'''Strong Bad''': [watching on [[W:CCTV|CCTV]]] Yup, just, just reach in the toilet. I just want you to reach in the toilet.
*'''Strong Sad''': It's pointing at the toilet.
*'''Strong Bad''': It's full of poop.
*'''Strong Sad''': But that's just misdirection.
*'''Strong Bad''': I just want you to touch the poop.
*'''Strong Sad''': They want me to think I should reach in the toilet.
*'''Strong Bad''': No! I do want you to reach in the toilet! That is all that I want you to do!
*'''Strong Sad''': It's too easy.
*'''Strong Bad''': Touch the poop!
*'''Strong Sad''': But I know better!
*'''Strong Bad''': Touch the freakin' poop!!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Nowadays, everybody's tired of the same old [[W:evil clown|evil clowns]], undead cheerleaders, and all those bloody-eyed [[W:found footage genre|found footage]] children. But for my haunted house, I will unleash an entirely new horror icon! Say hello to the new face of terror: LARGE BEAN!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
When nights are chill and filled with doom, &lt;br&gt; again will rise the cursed legume. &lt;br&gt; So if you're out on Hallowe'en, &lt;br&gt;  beware the wrath of Largest Bean!
*Poem narrated at the end of the short

==Halloween Hijinks==
*'''Coach Z''': Aaah... I'm getting too old for hijinks. And the last time I attempted even medium jinks, I t'rew out my torn rubdominal scrimmage.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Commercial narrator''': If you've suffered a torn rubdominal scrimmage, Halloween jinx don't need to be a thing of the past.
*'''Coach Z''': They don't?
*'''Narrator:''' Lowjinxerol is specially formulated to treat creepy middle-aged ailments, so you'll stop talking about them in public.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Night Watchman Coach Z''': Slow night at City Hall, eh, fellow night watchman?
*'''Night Watchman Bubs''': That establishes our location and humdrum routine.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Teenage Homestar''': Stand down, local law enforcement; [[Scooby-Doo|group of random teens]] is here.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Night Watchman Bubs''': When we rushed in here, the mysterious silhouette had vanished.
*'''Teenage Strong Bad''' Oh, great. [[#High school (140)|Another fanatical mysterious believer]].

==Toikey TV==
[[File:DeepFriedTurkey.jpg|thumb|Don’t be a jerky, fry that turkey!]]
*'''The King of Town''': Hello! I'ma King-a Town, here with an important message about Thanksgiving safety! Specifically, the dangers of not [[W:fried turkey|frying a turkey]]! Each year thousands of families suffer from not fried turkeys. So please, this Thanksgiving, “don't be a jerky, fry that turkey!”
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Marzipan''': All right, all you turkey liberators out there. Here's how we make Marzipan's Famous Thanksgiving [[W:turducken|Faux-ducken]]. Now stuff [[W:millet|millet]] inside of [[W:bulgur|bulgur]], inside of [[W:meat analogue|meatless veggie nuggets]], inside of [[W:tempeh|tempeh]], injected into [[W:bean curd|bean curd]], wrapped in fakin bacon, and baked inside a pair of [[W:hemp|hemp]] toddler pants.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Bubs''': Attention, holiday shoppers! [[W:Black Friday (shopping)|Bubs Friday]] starts Thursday! Doors open at 2 AM! Shoving and trampling starts promptly at 2:05, followed by tear gas and riot police at 2:15. Come on, moms! You know you want to beat each other up over some stupid kids' toy! And if you draw blood, you just might make it onto this year's edition of Mommy Fights!

==The Homestar Runner Enters the Spooky Woods==
*'''Strong Bad''': Everybody loves The Homestar Runner. He is an athletic terrife.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': Oh no! I [[Wiktionary:give up the ghost|gave up the ghost]]!
*'''Storybook Strong Sad''': You'll stay that way unless you enter the spooky woods and face your 3 fears before the [[W:witching hour|witching hour]]!
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Quothed Lord High Plotlayer.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': I, gulp, guess, gulpo, I'm on, gulpamundo, my own, Gulp Fantasy 2000.
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Tedioused The Homestar Runner at great risk to the listenability of the story.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Storybook Strong Bad''': All types of drat!
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating]  Said Strong Bad, coining an awesome new phrase that will endure throughout the ages.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Storybook Strong Bad''': All types of drat!
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating]  Repeated Strong Bad, flirting with oversaturating the market with his new phrase too soon.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': OH NO!! My final fear!! A half-decomposed raccoon being carried around by a family of wet pigeons!! [cut to a disgustingly detailed illustration of just that]
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating]  Said the Homestar Runner… in a ''children's'' ''book''. 
*'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': Awww, but look. The gross wet pigeons think Strong Bad's ping-pong ball is an egg! They're gonna hatch it! ''They were just as gulp of me, as I was gulp of them!''
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Said the Homestar Runner, really shoe-horning some kind of half-baked moral into this thing.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Join us next week, children, when we read &quot;Strong Bad's Ghost Enters The Homestar Runner, Thereby Possessing Him Demonically&quot;.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': [dressed as ''[[The Wall]]''] [[Syd Barrett|SYD BARRETT]]!
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, sorry, big guy. He wasn't in the band when they made that album.
*'''Strong Mad''': UH... [[W:The Dark Side of the Rainbow|WIZARD OF OZ]]!!
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, nope, wrong album there too.
*'''Strong Mad''': MY BODY'S A REALLY HARD SHAPE TO MAKE COSTUMES FOR!

==Where My Hat Is At? (toon)==
'''Homestar Runner''': If there's two things I know about the Homestar Runner, it's that everybody loves the him and he's a terrific athlete.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Marzipan''': Hey, where's your hat, Homestar?
*'''Homestar Runner''': : I'm sorry, I couldn't understand what you just said.
*'''Marzipan''': I said, &quot;Where's your hat?&quot;
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Yeah, you're not even speaking English at this point.
*'''Marzipan''': [sighs] I mean, ''where your hat is at'', Homestar?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Coach Z''': Well, it's like I always say. A man's uniform is like a temple, wherein he keeps his… uniform when he's not using it.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Um, are you suggesting that my hat is inside my hat?
*'''Coach Z''': No, I'm suggesting that—
*'''Homestar Runner''': Well good, 'cause I already looked and it's not there.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''':  I found my hat just in time to score the winning run.
*'''Umpire''': Uh, no, actually it's the bottom of the second, your team's down by 94 points, and you just illegally ran onto the field!
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Get this, it was between the milk and the Cold Ones!
*'''Umpire''':  Yeah, yeah, you need to head back to the dugout before I toss you out of here, buster!
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Man, Mr. Umpire, you sure have a funny way of pronouncing “Homestar Runner's team wins!”
*'''Umpire''':  Yeah, you're suspended from the league.

==Homestarloween Party==
[[File:1971 AMC Gremlin AMO 2015 show - all original 1of6.jpg|thumb| And... the goblin, he had a [[W:AMC Gremlin|Gremlin]]!]]
*'''Homestar Runner''': Umm... okay! Once, there was this green gobliiiin... and um, he used to... look aroooound... And um, I guess he did a daaance. Oh man, that was terrible.
*'''Bubs''': And... the goblin, he had a [[W:AMC Gremlin|Gremlin]]! And he jacked it up on some fat tires, and uh, and he tuned it up on some 4.11 [[W:Positraction|positrak]] out back, 750 double pumper, [[W:Edelbrock|Edelbrock]] intake, bore over 30, 11-to-1 pop-up pistons turbo jets 390 horsepower! I mean, he had some freakin' muscle!

==The Luau==
'''Strong Bad''': Oh man you guys, this party's gonna be crazy-go-nuts! 
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
* [the wood for Strong Bad’s bonfire isn’t lighting]
*'''Homestar Runner''': Uh-oh. You didn't get it from behind the gazebo, did you?
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, why?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Well, it all started when I decided to drink 32 glasses of melonade...

==Fish Eye Lens==
*'''Coach Z''':  Strong Bad! Strong Bad, wake up!
*'''Strong Bad''': Ah graibes... ...Blackthorne... bougleibes...
*'''Coach Z''': The people need your help!
*'''Strong Bad''': Wait, the who?
*'''Coach Z''':  I mean the pyorple!—
*'''Strong Bad''': There you go!
*'''Coach Z''': They need your help! It's been too long since they had a number one jam. They been scrapin' dope rhymes up off the kitchen floor, just to ''survive!''
*'''Strong Bad''': Another number one jam? All right, I'll do it. ...For the pyorple.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Things are about to get... BULBOUS.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Man, fisheye lens, I bet you could make even lame stuff look cool!
*'''Coach Z''': Yeah, yeah!
*'''Strong Bad''': What about ''tax papers?''
*'''Coach Z''': Oh, look at how cool those papes look! How about a pair of ''tan paaaaants?!''
*'''Strong Bad''': Ooooh! Somebody say ''country dish towel?!''

==A Folky Tale==
*'''Strong Sad''': Coach Z, ropes are for dopes.
*'''Coach Z''': What's that jargle? [[Religious text|Scripture]]? You quotin' Scripture?
*'''Strong Sad''': No, it's a quote from Saddy Dumpington, the legendary folk hero I made up.
*'''Coach Z''': Sounds kinda like a [[Toilet|terlet]] [sic] if ya ask me.

==2022 Costume Pack Available==
*''[Pom Pom is dressed as [[W:Time for Timer|Timer]]]''
*'''Homestar Runner''': Hey, Pom Pom, I really like your [[W:Twinkie the Kid|Twinkie the Kid]] ate too many Twinkies as a kid costume!
*'''King of Town''': More like, I hanker for a hunka cheese council propaganda!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*''[Strong Mad is dressed as Sam, the [[W:Operation (game)|Operation]] guy. He was [[W:Slim Goodbody|Slim Goodbody]] in [[#Homestarloween Party|the previous version of the toon]]]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Strong Mad, how come both your costumes in this cartoon gotta be like, ''medically naked?''
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*''[Homestar Runner is dressed as [[Monty Python and the Holy Grail|the Black Knight]]]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Alright, Homestar, let's get this over with. Just say the line.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Ahem... [[Monty Python and the Holy Grail#The black knight|It's just a fwesh wound]].
*'''Strong Bad''': Did you say &quot;Fresh wound&quot;?
*'''Homestar Runner''': No, I said “fwesh wound”.
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, that's not the right quote, “it's just a ''flesh'' wound”.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah yeah, that's what I said,”fwesh wound”
*'''Strong Bad''' Uh, alright, let me hear you say &quot;in the flesh&quot;.
*'''Homestar Runner''': You mean like, ''medically naked?''
*'''Strong Bad''': No, just say the expression! ''&quot;In the flesh&quot;''.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Okay. ''In person''.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': King of Town, are you simultaneously the [[W:Quaker Oats|Quaker Oats]] guy and [[W:Wilford Brimley|Wilford Brimley]]?
*'''King of Town''': Wilford Brimley ''was'' the Quaker Oats guy!
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, but he didn't dress like a [[Quakers|Quaker]], he just was like, the pitchman, standing in a kitchen, making breakfast.
*'''Homestar Runner''': No no, I'm with the King on this one. Wilford Brimley would hatch from his cocoon, covered in oatmeal, and then say his famous catchphrase.
*'''King of Town''': [[W:Diabeetus|Di-a-betus!]]

==Which Ween Costumes?==
*'''Strong Bad''':  Uh, why does this feel... weird?
*'''Homestar Runner''': What are you talking about? We stand around in the snow dressed in Decemberween-themed costumes every year. It's our thing! It's what we do!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Are you sure? I think we may have gotten our... &quot;weens&quot; crossed.
*'''Strong Sad''':  ''Can you please never say that again?''

==On Break==
* ''[Strong Bad is “smoking”, loudly]''
*'''Coach Z''': Well, hey there, fellow mascot! I didn't know you was the smokin' type!
*'''Strong Bad''': Shh! I'm not! But Bubs only gives me one of each kind of break. I've already used pee, coffee, and maternity leave today. And this is a white crayon.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': What is up, my fellow sweat factories?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
*'''Homestar Runner''': Man, what ''is'' that smell?
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, Homestar, we're three grown men working in mascot costumes in the dead of summer! What ''isn't'' that smell?

==Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon==
*'''Strong Bad''': Once we get our hands on Bubs's fundraiser candy bars, our troubles will be over! We can retire, maybe get a little place in Strong Badia, I dunno. All right, remember the drill: go straight for the crispy crackly ones. Don't waste your time on them plain ol' chocolates. Those things are fool's gold!

==The Homestar Runner Goes For The Gold==
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, man, Strong Bad. You're not gonna believe this thing! Wait 'till you see this thing! This thing is gonna change your life! Blow your mind! Wipe your nose!
*'''Strong Bad''': Then shut the dang up and let's see it already!
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Okay. Okay. Um... It's, um... It's right... Um...
*'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, did you ramble on so long that you forgot what you were gonna show me?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Um, no. And furthermore, no. It was this... squeakburger! [squeezes it] Burger burger!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': &quot;The Homestar Runner and the Bathyscaphe: A Lurid Tale of Underwater Intrigue and Underwater Pants&quot;.
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, maybe I should read it. &quot;The Homestar Runner and the Brothers Strong&quot;. A.K.A. &quot;Homestar Runner Goes for the Gold&quot;. A.K.A. &quot;old glue turns gross and brown if you let it sit for 20 years&quot;.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Wait, what? You get a freakin' submarine and all’s I get is a fish crammed through my head?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, you know, standard collegiate swimming rules. Very standard.

==A Decemberween Pageant==
*'''Bubs (as Dr. Christmas)''': Archibald! We've got to find the first Decemberween!
*'''Strong Bad (as Archibald)''': I'll search down by the docks.
*'''Bubs''': [whispering] What?
*'''Strong Bad''': The docks. I'll search down by the docks.
*'''Bubs''': [whispering] Ooh. I thought you said ducks. [normally] Good thinking! I'll come with ya.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Bubs/Dr. Christmas''': We'll need fifty bags of jold! I mean, gold! Fifty bag of golds [sic].
*'''Homestar Runner (as The King of Town)''': I just can't do it, Dr. Christmas. Famine has ruined all the town's gold.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad/Archibald''': How unfortunate! Oh, what a terrible fate has bestowed with me... uh, become to me... There's a squid.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Marzipan (as the Angel)''': I'll never forget you, Popular Vote! Not in a million years! [The Cheat cries] Don't cry. Popular Votes aren't supposed to cry! You might rust. [audience laughs]
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad/Archibald''': [singing] Everyone's searching, looking and searching...
*'''Marzipan/the Angel''': [singing] And everyone's hanging around!
*'''Bubs/Dr. Christmas''': [singing] And who can be sure if we're looking for something?
*'''Homestar Runner/The King of Town''': [singing] And looking for something I am!

==Front Facing/The Name Of This Cartoon Would Ruin It/Front-Facing Homestar==
*'''Strong Bad''': We're not selling snowballs, The Cheat. We're selling destiny!

==The System is Down==
*'''Homestar Runner''': Ummmm... what's going on here? What happened to my website?
*'''Strong Bad''': The system is down, yo.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Ohh... the system... Right, right.
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, I think too many people tried to log on. Uh... sorry about that.
*'''Homestar Runner''': What are you sorry for? It's my website.
*'''Strong Bad''': Um... I don't think they're coming to see you, Homestar.
*'''Homestar Runner''': What, you think everybody's logging on to watch &quot;[[#Tape-leg (19)|tape-leg]]&quot;? Yeah, that's a good one.
*'''Strong Bad''': Hey, shut up! The tape-leg is cool.

==Pumpkin Carve-nival==
[[File:FrenchMarketPumpkinsB.jpg|thumb|Are you supposed to be dressed up as some kind of a witches' brew?]]
*'''Homestar Runner''': All right, Coach, whadaya got for me?
*'''Coach Z''': Check it out, yo!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Cool, a W. What's that supposed to stand for? “Witches' brew”?
*'''Coach Z''': No, no, no, it stands for tha [[Wu-Tang Clan|Wu-Tang]]!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Coach Z, are you a poser?
*'''Coach Z''': Nah, man, I'm down.
*'''Homestar Runner''': “Down” with second to last place.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Whatcha got here, Marzipan?
*'''Marzipan''': I didn't want to kill mine, so I just left it on the vine.
*'''Homestar Runner''': What for? So you could, like, use it in a witches' brew or something?
*'''Marzipan''': Um, I don't know what that means. Anyway, I wrote a song about it: “I left it on the vine, I left it on the line”, I mean, “I left it on—“
*'''Homestar Runner''': Not necessary! Last place! Ding!
*'''Marzipan''': Homestar, I'm breaking up with you.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*''[Strong Bad is dressed as a bee]''
*'''Homestar Runner''': Hey Strong Bad. So, um, are you supposed to be the [[W:Green Hornet|Green Hornet]]?
*'''Strong Bad''': What?! No!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, right, right, you're supposed to be the um, the witches' brew.
*'''Strong Bad''': No! I'm ''the bee!'' Like, from nature.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Psst! Um, hey The Cheat—
*'''The Cheat''': Hm?
*'''Homestar Runner''': I had a really important question I want to ask you about your costume. Are you supposed to be dressed up as some kind of a witches' brew?
*'''The Cheat''': [dismissive The Cheat noises]
*'''Homestar Runner''': Wait, wait, I had another question I wanted to ask you. It's not about witches' brew. ...Okay, it's about witches' brew, but just hear me out.

==Decemberween Short Shorts==
*'''Strong Bad''': Dear Tube Socks, It's me again. I hope you had a good year. Free of athletes' feet and toe jams. Lemme cut to the chase. On Decemberween morning, when I open you guys up, you're going to hear...things. Hurtful things. Unforgivable things. Things like, [groans], and, “Oh, ''maaan!''”, and “This present of tube socks totally sucks and I hate it!” Don't you believe a word of it, Tube Socks. I love you guys. I don't know what I'd do without my yearly pair. But a guy's gotta keep up appearances, right? If peoples found out I have a soft spot for tube socks, it'd be all over. It took me years to live down that [[Martina Navratilova]] poster, and I will not go down that road again. We can be secret friends. Like that hunchback kid at school. In closing, please disregard any and all negative comments or negative burning you may hear or experience on Decemberween. Stealthily Yours, Strong Bad.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
*'''Rumble Red''': Earthling, explain to me this pile of rotten rodentia...rumble.
*'''The Homestar Runner''': It's Decemberween, Rumble Red. The most sanitary time of year. When everyone piles up all the dead rats they've a-cooma-lated throughout the year.

==Coach Z’s 110%==
*'''Strong Sad''': Sports and practice! Sports and practice! Oh, hash potatoes! I'll never be the number-one pick!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Hustle for sports!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Coach Z''': My whole deal's backed up by actual scientific findings— and this rotating computer graphic, so you ''know'' it's legit!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
* '''Reporter''': Homestar Runner, you just won the sports, how you diddat?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Well, we just brought our “A” game, you know? Everybody stepped it up out there, and then we stayed within ourselves, and decided that it would be a good strategy to try and score more points than our opponents within the allotted time. [holds up Coach Z's video] Thanks, Coach Z's 110% Hustle for Sports Instructional Video!

==Hremail 62==
*'''Homestar Runner''': First up on our tour, is this brellow [[W:Crayon|crown]]! [sic] And what a rich history it has! It dates all the way back to this one time.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': My brellow crown [sic] is instrumental in the drawing of buttered toast, not quite hornets, and the sun, with a [[W:afro (hairstyle)|'fro]].

==Decemberweenvent Calendar==
*'''Strong Bad''': I can't look at it right now, I told you!
*'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises]
*'''Strong Bad''': A football is wearing my pants!
*'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises]
*'''Strong Bad''': I don't know, The Cheat!
*'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises]
*'''Strong Bad''': Yes, I am ''also'' wearing them! That's what's freakin' me out!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': I got a good feeling about this one, Strong Bad.
*'''Strong Bad''':  Great. And now I have a ''bad'' feeling about this one.

== Homestar Runner Distraction Pack for Walkabout Mini-Golf Teaser==
*'''Strong Bad''':  All right, Bubs, you sure these shady black market [[w:Virtual reality headset|VR headsets]] are fully [[w:Software cracking|cracked]]?
*'''Bubs''': Not anymore! That's what all the duct tape's for!
*'''Strong Bad''':  No, I mean so we can play pirated games on 'em!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Ooh, I love [[Piracy|pirate]] games. I wanna play pirate games, [[Vampires|vampire]] games, [[Werewolves|werewolf]] games, all the munster [sic] food groups!
*'''Strong Bad''':  No, I'm not talking about pirates, Homestar.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, I can [[w:International Talk Like a Pirate Day|talk like a pirate!]] Aouu! Aouu!
*'''Strong Bad''': Are you trying to say &quot;Arrr&quot;?
*'''Coach Z''': I can help with that! Oarr! Oarrrr! I'm a poirate! [sic]
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh yeah! Pirates always have [[w:Parrot|poirots]]. [sic] [using a paper bag puppet] &quot;Ka-caw! Polly want a cracker!&quot;
*'''Strong Bad''': All right! Everybody shut up forever!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Can we please just log on? Or jack in? Or... cyber-prance... into VR?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
*'''Strong Bad''': I can't wait to play all the most violent video games. I heard everybody explodes ''twice'' in VR! One in each eyeball!

==See also==
*[[Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People]]
*[[The Brothers Chaps]]
==External links==
[http://Homestarrunner.com Official website]
{{Wikipedia}}
==Notes==

[[Category:American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Homestar Runner]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3963284</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-07-11T06:35:49Z</timestamp>
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      <comment>/* Homestar Runner Distraction Pack for Walkabout Mini-Golf Teaser */</comment>
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      <text bytes="107612" sha1="kcyto6j8h1mj0z7c3q4oiddrgy2ql73" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Homestar Runner logo black.svg|thumb|Homestarrunner dot net. “It's dot com!”]]
[[File:Red bordered white star.svg|thumb|Everybody! Everybody!]]
[[File:BrothersChaps.JPG|thumb|Everybody loves the Homestar Runner. He is a terrific athlete.]]
[[File:Montreal Comiccon 2015 - Strong Bad (18837897773).jpg|thumb|I'm Strong Bad, and you don't know it yet, but [[W:breakout character|I'm the reason you're here]].]]
'''''[[w:Homestar Runner|Homestar Runner]]''''' is an animated web comedy series based on the life and misadventures of a group of eccentric characters, including the titular Homestar Runner. It is best known for the character Strong Bad, a sharp-tongued [[W:luchador|luchador]] who answers viewer fanmail in a humorous, mocking fashion.
== The Homestar Runner Enters the Strongest Man in the World Contest ==
*Everybody loves the Homestar Runner. He is a terrific athlete.
**Narration on first page

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': I'm the very strongest! You guys are not very strong!

== Where My Hat Is At? ''[sic]'' ==
*'''Homestar Runner''': ''[repeated line]'' Where my hat is at?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': I could go for a few cold ones right about now.

==Site intro==
*Everybody! Everybody!
**Main theme song lyrics

==Who Said What Now?==
*'''Marzipan''': I'm the only girl.

==First Time Here?==
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, hello! Welcome to Homestarrunner dot net.
*'''Crewman''': It's &quot;dot com&quot;.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, right. Homestarrunner dot net. “It's dot com!”
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Hello, and welcome to I'm a Big Moron Who Can't Remember His Lines Dot Com! No, seriously. I'm Strong Bad, and you don't know it yet, but [[W:breakout character|I'm the reason you're here]].
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Check me out! No, seriously, check me out.

==Character introduction videos==
===Strong Bad===
*'''Strong Bad''': I'm Strong Bad. I've been described as cool, awesome, hot, video games ''[sic]'', the hottest, and real real hot.

===Marzipan===
*'''Marzipan''': I'm a fiercely independent woman, and I'm fiercely independent about the soy products that I choose.

===King of Town===
*'''King of Town''': Now, despite rumors to the contrary, I did not just buy a crown at the costume palace and ask people to start calling me the King of Town. I earned my title the same way I earned a free combo meal: by purchasing one of equal or lesser value. I also did not ever try to eat my own mustache.

==Strong Bad Email==
===Some kinda robot (1)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad: Do you take your wrestling mask and boxing gloves off before you go to bed? Sincerely, Abdi LaRue, [[W:San Diego, CA|San Diego, CA]].” Well, that's a stupid question, Abdi. Do you take off your face and hands before you go to bed? And if so, are you some kind of [[robot]]?

===Homsar (2)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Hi Strong Bad, if you hate Homsar ''[sic]'' so much, why don't you kill him? From Vinnie C.” You know what, Vinnie? You're right. I'll be right back.
*''[Cut to a strange being labelled Homsar]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Hey, Homsar!
*'''Homsar''': Uhdyeah, what ees eht, Stwong Baaaaayaad?
*''[Strong Bad squashes him with a giant weight labelled “heavy lourde” [sic]]''
**This email inspired the creation of the character Homsar, who became a reoccurring cast member
===Butt IQ (3)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Mr. Bad, how do you know if someone's butt is stupid? I mean, is there like some kind of [[W:IQ test|IQ test]]? Crapfully yours, Tyler.” Oh, come on Tyler! Don't you remember your [[algebra]], man? It's called the Transitive Butt Property. And it clearly states that the stupidity of somebody's butt is greater than or equal to the stupidity of that person's head.

===I she be (13)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Hey my name is great looking girl strong bad! i she be your girlfriend.” [sic]  Uh… Hey! My name is Strong Bad, great looking girl! I he be your boyfriend. Okay, seriously. All i gotta say about this is… GET IN LINE SISTER!!! I mean, do you know how many freakin emails I get like this a DAY? From ladies with proper grammar? I mean come on!

===Tape-leg (19)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, my brothers are always telling me that your legs are made of tape, is that true? Nee-co-las.” [Nicholas] They said my legs were made of tape?! WHAT?! I mean, do I look like some kinda tape-leg? I can guarantee you, man, I am not a tape-leg.

===Spring cleaning (20)===
[[File:Cherry Keyboard G83-6105RLNDE, German layout-5996.jpg|thumb|How do you type with boxing gloves on?]]
'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, How do you type with boxing gloves on? Mike, Bend [[Oregon|Ora-gawn]]”. Oh, that's a new one. No way do I get this freaking question all the time. I suppose I'll probably answer it right now— DELETED!!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, Are you made of crap? Did you invent the word crap? Where did the word crap come from? Crapfully crapfully, Chad”. Oh, I'll totally answer this one because apparently the only thing I'm concerned with is the word crap— DELETED!!

===Cartoon (21)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Too much of a good thing is an awesome thing. But too much of an awesome thing is... umm... really, really dumb and bad.

===Bird (24)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Psssshhh! [[W:the finger|The Double Deuce]]!

===Flag day (32)===
Come to the place where tropical breezes blow. &lt;br&gt;
Come to the coolest place I know. &lt;br&gt;
The people are so great, &lt;br&gt;
But really there's only me, &lt;br&gt;
And that means I'm so great, &lt;br&gt;
And also there's The Cheat.
*Strongbadian national anthem

===Property of ones (39)===
[[File:Cerveza Pacifico.jpg|thumb|The colder it is, the more of a one it is. Because you don't want to end up with a Cold None. I wouldn't wish that on anybody.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': The colder it is, the more of a one it is. Because you don't want to end up with a Cold None. I wouldn't wish that on anybody.

===Vacation (40)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Hey, you guys! Just dropping you a line here from &quot;The Great Mound&quot;. I got two words for ya: false advertising. There's nothing great about this mound, okay?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': I kinda miss you guys and your emails... I can almost hear one of them now: &quot;Dear Stong Bad, You are crap. Crap is the best. Everybody loves crap. Crap is in the mix. Crap is to the max. How does Homestar pick stuff up if he's not wearing any Marzipants? Crapfully crap, Monkey D, [[W:Seattle, Washington|Seattle, Washington]].&quot; 
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': It was nothing but antique stores down there, like I couldn't find a single restaurant! I have a sneaking suspicion the people in Over There ''eat'' antiques.

===Marzipan (59)===
*'''Marzipan''': ''[singing]'' Oh yeah, oh yeah, and I really don't like him at all.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Do you don't not dislike not Strong Bad?
*'''Marzipan''': Uh... I guess...
*'''Strong Bad''': See! I told you you loved me!

===Interview (62)===
'''Strong Bad''': [imitating Homsar] DaAa! I was raised by a cup of coffee.

===Crazy cartoon (72)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Crazy cartoons usually have titles that have nothing to do with the cartoon itself. You know, like... “Sweet Cuppin' Cakes”!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  I don't think it deserved a trophy. I don't even think it deserved a pizza! Maybe a pizza trophy.

===The process (79)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Show you the process, eh, Em? Sure, I can do dat, but I should warn you, it may spoil the magic for some of you out there. I strongly urge both the faint of heart and the faint of butt to leave the room at this time.

===Stunt double (80)===
*'''Strong Bad (as Dangeresque)''': I'm gonna have to JUMP!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Coach Z (as Renaldo)''': Sounds pretty dangerous.
*'''Strong Bad (as Dangerseque)''': No... sounds ''Dangeresque''!

===No loafing (86)===
[[File:Windsurfer (14942953548).jpg|thumb|Failure is not [[Profanity|a four-letter word]].]]
[[File:Auf dem Gehrenberg 6.jpg|thumb|The loneliest goat sees the last sunset last...]]
*Failure is not [[Profanity|a four-letter word]].
**[[W:Motivational poster|Motivational poster]] (depicting a wind surfer) seen in video
*The loneliest goat sees the last sunset last...
**”Old adage” on a “wood burny thing” depicting a horse, per Strong Bad

===Caffeine (91)===
*'''Strong Bad''': And coming in at number 91, it's: ''[[W:metal scream|E-Maaaaaaaaaaail!!!]]'' “Dear Strong Bad, It must be really annoying living with someone as whiny as Strong Sad. Why don't you slip him some caffeine? Justin, [[W:Murfreesboro, TN|Murfreesboro]], [[Tekken]] [ [[Tennessee|TN]] ]” Oh-ho-ho-ho! ''Devilish laugh''. Dear Justin, In addition to [[Wiktionary:cut of one's jib|the cut of your jib]], I likes the sound of your town. ''Murfreesboro''. But we got the All-Wide Science Fair just around the corner and I've been straining for a project. So far alls I've come up with is the effects of gasoline… on fire.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  In the final stages, subject became:
:Erratic,
:Violent,
:and Really Funny to Watch.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  At this point, the test subject...was dead. [audience gasps]
*'''Strong Sad''':  [offscreen] I was not dead!
*'''Strong Bad''': ...Shut up. And all of this data could only bring us to one conclusion: ...Strong Sad's adopted. [audience gasps]
*'''Strong Sad''':  [offscreen] That's not true either!

===Kind of cool (92)===
*'''Strong Bad''': I'd still probably be the coolest guy in the world, just a different kind of cool. More of a &quot;I'm so cool, you don't even know I'm cool&quot; kind of cool.
**On if he was not ”stylish, buff, and handsome”
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*''[after strong bad is finished describing his “kind of cool” alter ego]''
*'''Strong Sad''': You basically described that creep Señor Cardgage that lived down the street from us when we were little.
*'''Strong Bad''': What!? You didn't think Senor [sic] Cardgage was cool?
*'''Strong Sad''': No! He was extremely sketchy and gave me nightmares.
*'''Strong Bad''': And... What's not cool about giving you nightmares?
*'''Strong Sad''': Oh, never mind. Go back to your creepy comb-over story.

===The bet (95)===
*'''Strong Bad''': So, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Let me get this uh-straight: You're betting me that you're cool.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yep, I'm cool.
*'''Strong Bad''': And if you're not cool, you have to change your name to... Kevin DuBrow. But if you are cool, I gotta spend the night over at The King of Town's?
*'''Homestar Runner''':  That's the deal, man. The total deal.
*'''Strong Bad''': You're goin' down, son.
*'''Homestar Runner''':  No ways.
*'''Strong Bad''': All right! Let's see you be's cool.
*'''Homestar Runner''': ''[Homestar puts on sunglasses]'' 'Sup?
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh, crap!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

*'''King of Town''': So here's all my foodstuffs. You want some Pork Snagglins? Or a can of Butter-da or anything?
*'''Strong Bad''': King, I think that stuff's for automotive use only.
*'''King of Town''': It's possible.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''King of Town''': [advertising Butter-da] They tell me not to, but I still drinks [sic] it!

===Monument (97)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, there were big plans once. It was to be made of the finest materials. On a massive scale that would rival the [[W:Aztecs|Aztecs]] and their... [[W:Tenochtitlan|techno-chocolate land]].
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh yeah, The Cheat. That totally looks like my right foot. It's got all the rightness of a foot without all the footdom of a right.
*'''Off-screen chorus''': ''Here comes the Thnikkaman!''
*'''Strong Bad''': No way! Check it out The Cheat, it's the Thnikkaman! Hey, Thnikkaman!
*'''Bubs''': [as “the Thnikkaman”] Hey, kid!
*'''Strong Bad''': Can we have some?
*'''Bubs''': Yeah, okay.
*'''Strong Bad''': Thanks, Thnikkaman! [mumbles to The Cheat] Thanks, Thnikkaman.
*'''Bubs''': Yeah, shut up, kid!
*'''Off-screen chorus''': ''There goes the Thnikkaman!''
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': I'd like to see you stay on task when you're starin' down the barrel of a loaded Thnikkaman.

===Different town (99)===
'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, I just wondering [sic], if you had a chance to make your town different, what would you do? Censorly [“Sincerley”], Steven, [[W:Volkswagen|Wolksvagen]] [ [[West Virginia|WV]] ].” Pour hot soup in Homestar's eyes, eh, Steven? That sounds like a pretty good- wait... what'd your email say again?

===Flashback (100)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh, I got flashbacks alright, Jon. I'm like, Discount Flashback Warehouse over here. But this particular flashback has way too much historical significance to be shown in anything but [[W:Widescreen|WIDESCREEEEEEEEEEEEN]]. Left side: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAH! [screen expands to the left] Right side: WOOOOOAHH— [screen expands to the right, revealing Homestar Runner] Wha-uh, what are you doin' over there?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, I'm pretty much here every week. It's just that usually I'm behind the black.
*'''Strong Bad''': Guess I should start... lookin' to the right more often.
*'''Homestar Runner''': In fact, I think I might live here.
*'''Strong Bad''': I don't think so. If you lived here, you'd have less non-broken bones. And more crushed spirits.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Everyone loves Strong Bad. He is an okay guy.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] One day Strong Bad was finishing up a game of tennis on the moon with his pal, the Coach Z. He won 1,000,000 to 3. 
*'''Storybook Strong Bad''': You see, 3 is clearly a smaller number than a million.
*'''Strong Bad''': Said Strong Bad.
*'''Storybook Coach Z''': Ooooooh. Now I understand.

===Car (101)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh, good one Kyle. Like I don't get two jillion of these emails every two jillion seconds. Er. Wait. Would that be so bad? Hmmm. I'll have to ask Gron Sad about that later on. Maybe write in to [[W:Popular Science|Popular Science]] about it. &quot;Popular Science.&quot; No such thing, man. More like, &quot;Nerdular Nerdence.&quot;
**Popular Science actually [http://www.popsci.com/popular-science-answers-question-strong-bad-asked-us-13-years-ago answered Strong Bad] 13 years after the email

===Haircut (103)===
*'''Strong Mad''': I DON’T WANT TO EAT A GUITAR!

===Dangeresque 3 (106)===
*'''Strong Bad (as Dangerseque)''': Let's get one thing straight, meatball... face... butt: I work alone. 'Cept when I work with Renaldo... which is all the time.
*'''Homestar Runner (as Dangeresque Too)''': Oh yeah? Well, you need me because I'm the only one that knows where Perducci is, and where that is... is that he is... in... [[Istanbul]].

===Cheatday (107)===
'''Strong Bad''': So, nobody knows exactly when The Cheat's Cheatday is, so we celebrate it on the only day we know for sure it isn't. And that's the date of birth on his fake I.D. Which says he's a 43-year-old Scandinavian miner named Ilko Skevüld. 
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': After breakfast, in honor of Ilko's heritage, we'll usually play some mining games, like... mining... and... coal…?

===Replacement (105)===
[[File:PAX 2008 - Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People (2810850382).jpg|thumb|Looks like I'm gonna be checking e-mails and kicking Cheats 'til the day I die.]]
'''Strong Bad''': Looks like I'm gonna be checking e-mails and kicking Cheats 'til the day I die. Whoa, that'd make an awesome tattoo! Or an even better epitaph!

===For kids (110)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Okay, kids, we're gonna play &quot;Where's The Cheat?&quot;. Can you say, &quot;a-The Cheat&quot;?
*'''Kids''': [mumbling] THE CHEAT!
*'''Random kid''': [[Christopher Columbus]]!
*'''Strong Bad''': Not good enough. F minus minus.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': All right, dumb children. Find The Cheat!
*'''Kids''': He’s over there!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Um, no, he's behind the box. No, uh, he's not even behind the box, he's barely obscured by the box. Look, The Cheat is ''behind the freaking box!!'' HE'S BEHIND THE BOX! I'LL KILL YA!! I'LL KILL ALL YOUR DOGS!!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': I've got two words for the children that are raised on that crap: HELD BACK. REPEATING THE THIRD GRADE. LOW STANDARDIZED TEST SCORES. I GUESS THIS WAS MORE THAN TWO WORDS.

===The facts (114)===
*'''Strong Bad''': He's like a big square, this guy ''[Strong Mad]''. I don't really know if that has anything to do with why he doesn't have his own cartoon. But it's just weird, is all. Un... settling. I guess if he lived in Cubeland, it might work, but... Cubeland is a place I just made up, so...
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': I want my own cartoon, Strong Bad.
*'''Strong Bad''': What? I'm over here!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh. ''[turns around]'' I want my own cartoon, Pom Pom.
*'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, a cartoon starring you would be horrible. It'd just be you saying &quot;Sewiously&quot; ''[sic]'' all the time and acting like a moron... all the time.
*'''Homestar Runner''': No, no! Not no more! I got a new catchphrase!
*'''Strong Bad''': No.
*'''Homestar Runner''': You wanna hear it?
*'''Strong Bad''': No!
*'''Homestar Runner''': I'd be all the time sayin' &quot;That's bupkis!&quot;

===Time capsule (115)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Rest assured, Shim-Sham Sam, my [[W:time capsule|time capsule]] would reign supreme. Like your hot single Mom is gonna wanna date my time capsule. So, the key to a good time capsule is it being an actual capsule. None of these shoe boxes or tennis ball cans. No. Those things are called time boxes and time tennis ball cans. Those are different and lame and differently lame. And they always get dug up in about 4 days.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': And I might as well spit in it, just in case they ever figure out how to make people… from spit. Ooh! Then I'd put some [[W:dry ice|dry ice]] in there so when they open it up it looks all smoky and steamy and it says a-like ''froosh'' when they first open it. There'll be no doubt about my coolty.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Stinkoman''': Oh man, those first four hundred bites of dirt were not so good. Maybe the next one will be better. [finds Strong Bad’s time capsule] WHAAAT is this?! Some sort of a challenge buried in the GROUUUND?!

===Animal (119)===
*'''Strong Bad''': The Lappy 486 weighs in at an extremely portable forty-two pounds and features an impressive battery life of one half of ten minutes.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  [I]f I was my own made up animal, I would probably like as [sic] the coolest made up animal ever made up. I would have all the cool animal options and accessories: Claws, Horns, Tusks, Tentacles, Power Doors, 15 Year [[W:Drivetrain|Drivetrain]] Warranty, [[W:Proboscis|Proboscis]], Segmented Eyes&lt;ref&gt;Strong Bad is actually referring to [[W:compound eyes|compound eyes]]&lt;/ref&gt;…

===Radio (120)===
'''Strong Bad''': [T]he first rule of thumb for all radio personalities is to look absolutely nothing like how they sound.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': College radio can pretty much be summed up in 5 words: [[wiktionary:dead air|Dead air]], um, dead air.

===Origins (123)===
'''Strong Bad''': Ugh! Why do you [[W:Melvin Van Peebles|Van Peebles]] always wanna know the origins and histories of every freakin' little thing?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
'''Marzipan''': [while being spraypainted by Strong Bad] To me, this is something that losers would do.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': Man, did you guys see me refuse to take that guff? I flat out rejected it! That guff never even had a chance!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': So ya see Claire, if it weren't for the Stick, and Marzipan's considerable resistance to death, the On Point Kings may never have stolen the King of Town's dunce cap and renamed it Lotionman! D-don't ask, it was Strong Mad's idea.

===Secret recipes (124)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Being from Africa, I'm sure you guys are used to eating, like, exotic fruits and nectars and, um, lions… so our recipes may seem a bit uncouth. ''Uncouth''. Can something be just plain ''couth''? I bet freakin' Strong Sad is plain couth.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  Say there, Coach, would you like to try some of our free icèd-c-cream? It's got toasted coconut!
*'''Coach Z''':  How could I refuse? I can't afford the money-cost variety! [starts eating] Oooh! Sweet mercy! [keeps eating] This is orful! [sic] [still eating]
*'''Strong Bad''':  Aww, it's OK, Coach. You're the proud new eater of a healthy bowl of sour cream and The Cheat fur!
*'''Coach Z''': Hoo! I think I'm going to puke my pants!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Ugh! Please don't elaborate on that.
*'''Coach Z''': Naw, it's easy. I do it all the time! Here, let me show ya's!
*'''Strong Bad''':  AUGH!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Hey, girlfriend, have you tried any of this free ice cream Strong Bad made?
*'''Marzipan''': Homestar, didn't anyone tell you? That's, like, cottage cheese and The Cheat hair!
*'''Homestar Runner''':  WHAT!? Strong Bad told me it was ''sour cream'' and The Cheat hair!

===Garage Sale (129)===
[[File:Vuilnis.JPG|thumb|Lemme tell you a thing or two about garage sales: Ya ever get the feeling that the people just got lazy taking the trash out, so they stopped right there on the driveway and started putting price tags on things?]]
'''Strong Bad''': Lemme tell you a thing or two about garage sales: Ya ever get the feeling that the people just got lazy taking the trash out, so they stopped right there on the driveway and started putting price tags on things? I mean, isn't it just a little bit suspicious that there's only a one-letter difference between “garage sale” and “gar-BAHHJ sale”? Except, don't ever say “gar-BAHHJ” like that. That's, like, the only joke Moms have and they can keep it for all I care.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[Voiceover]'' First, there's the haggler, the guy who spends all day trying to talk you down from a quarter to twenty-two cents for some worthless piece of crap.
*'''Bubs''': I'll give ya two thin dimes for this pantyhose doll.
*'''Strong Bad''': First off... all... that is Aunt Gert. And secondly, she's worth way more than the quarter I'm asking for her! Heck, I paid six-fifty for her new. And them's 1998 dollars!
*'''Bubs''': Well, maybe if she was wearing a troll outfit, or a witch's hat or somethin'...
*'''Strong Bad''': I'll let it go for twenty-four cents.
*'''Bubs''': Twenty-two and [[W:half cent|a half]]!
*'''Strong Bad''': You, my friend... just bought yourself an Aunt Gert.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Marzipan''': Coach Z, may I ask why you're buying up all the &quot;great for baby&quot; items?
*'''Coach Z''': I'd prefer that ya didn't.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': Obviously, wasting your Saturday morning just to sell $3.19 worth of trash isn't the real reason to have a garage sale. It's to get people out of their houses so The Cheat can ransack them!

===Do over (130)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Richie Z, [[Canada|Can-A-Duh]]” Wait, you're not related to Coach Z, are you, Richie? Or Coach [[W:Zed (letter)|Zed]] as you [[W:Canuck|cah-nooks]] call him. Whoa, ''Coach Zed''. That's way cooler. I'm gonna start calling him that too and maybe he won't suck so bad!

===Modeling (132)===
'''Strong Bad''': I can't wait to get those pictures back from the lab. I can totally see some of them being used in one of those glossy fashion magazines. Y'know, the kind that cost nine bucks and are 97% ads. Like maybe in an ad for those fancy leather shoes that you're supposed to wear without socks. WITHOUT SOCKS! Man! Can you imagine the luxury!

===Bottom 10 (133)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Number Ten is easy: [[w:Wet T-shirt contest|Dry T-Shirt Contests]]. You'll never find a more degrading contest or a larger waste of not water.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Number Three is the [[W:death by chocolate|ridiculous trend of giving chocolate desserts dangerous names]]. You know, like, [[W:cardiac arrest|Chocolardiac Arrest]].
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Slumming in at Number Two are songs that try to pass off la la's, na na's, and doot do's as legit lyrics. As evidenced in Limozeen's bizarrely titled &quot;Feed The Childrens.&quot; ''[a portion of the fictitious song is played, consisting of the described gibberish lyrics]'' Ugh, what were they thinking? More like, &quot;We need to feed our children, so we made this terrible song.&quot;

===Record book (134)===
*'''Strong Bad''': All right, King o' Town, I need some disgusting eating records. Why don't you just, uh, have lunch, and I'm sure you'll set several without even trying.
*'''The King of Town''': Ooh! I like eating lunch! Today I'm having a giant pile of salt! ''[Sucks up the salt]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Whoa! Nice woik! ''[sic]''
*''[The King hiccups]''
*'''Strong Bad''': What, you got-a some hiccups?
*'''The King of Town''': ''[hiccup]'' Nope. Those, my friend, are heart attacks!
&lt;hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Coach Z''': Well, I'm gonna set the world record for puttin' nine pieces of chewed gum up on my face and singin' the &quot;I'm Just Me&quot; song and hoppin' around on one foot!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Coach... Oh, please stop! Look, you can't just make up some random crap that no one else will ever do and call that a record.
*''[Cut to Homsar doing the exact same thing]''

===Space Program (138)===
[[File:Albert Einstein Head.jpg|thumb|While the muscular crew will age only a few hours, the cargo, according to our vague understanding of the [[theory of relativity]], will have aged to an incredible one million dollars.]]
*'''Strong Bad''':  Who doesn't have a space program these days? I mean, don't, like, the Italians [[W:Italian Space Agency|have a space program]]?
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*'''Narrator''': SBASAF [Strong Badian Administration of Some Aluminum Foil] is a [[W:Not-for-profit organization|definitely-for-profit organization]], dedicated to the manned taping of aluminum foil to cardboard.
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*'''Narrator''':  Our mission objective: to accompany 15 earth dollars on a round trip journey to the closest reaches of space. While the muscular crew will age only a few hours, the cargo, according to our vague understanding of the [[theory of relativity]], will have aged to an incredible one million dollars.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Narrator''': And who is good enough at video games to accept such a dangerous mission? Why, none other than [[W:beef bouillon|beef bouillon]]-aire joyboy Space Captainface. First Lieuteneral Captainface knows the true key to success is to have as many hot '60s-looking girls in your filmstrips as possible.

===High school (140)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Now, I have an extremely [[W:Photographic memory|unphotographic memory]]. So, I guess that'd be more like a drawing, or a doodle. Like a doodle memory. But I would hazard a guess that we were probably just like other cartoons were in high school, i.e. we were [[Scooby-Doo|a team of super sleuths]].
*''[cut to the main characters as teenagers]''
*'''Marzipan''': Stampers! My long lost uncle's abandoned pie factory sure is mysterious.
*'''Strong Bad''': Ah, there's no such thing as &quot;mysterious&quot;.
*'''Homestar Runner''': I don't want to take any chances. We should play in a band, just to be safe.
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*'''Strong Bad''': In, um, middle school we were a bunch of [[W:Muppet Babies|melon-headed babies with gigantic eyes and ENORMOUS imaginations]].
*''[cut to the main characters as babies]''
*'''Baby Coach Z''': I'm pretending I'm the craptain of the foortball torm! [sic]
*'''Baby Strong Bad''': I'm pretending I'm playing better video games!  Aw, man! [[W:Adventure (1980 video game)|That freakin' duck swallowed both my pixels]]!
*'''Baby Strong Sad''': I'm pretending I'm not sitting next to The Diapersmith.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': And going even unnecessarily further back, we were all a bunch of plucky [[W:paramecium|parameciums]] living in Free [[W:Petri Dish|Petri Dish]] USA.
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'''Strong Bad''': And then, of course, before that we were… [[Roman Empire|Romans]]… living in Roman times. And [[W:Don Knotts|Don Knotts]] was always showing up.

===Secret identity (142)===
*'''Strong Bad''': I got lots of secret identities. Lately, I've been using this one: ''Tip Tappers: Expensive Briefcase Carrier.'' I use Mr. Tappers when I'm on tour and I want to check into a hotel and not be bothered by legions of fans.
*[cut to “Bubs’ Motor Lodge”]
*'''Bubs''': And what name will this room be under?
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, Tip Tappers, please. Unless some girl asks what room Strong Bad's in. And she's at least a seven out of ten. Or uh... six if she's naked.

===Technology (143)===
[[File:Technologie.jpg|thumb|The word &quot;[[technology]]&quot;... means... &quot;magic&quot;. It's basically anything that's really cool that you don't know how it works. And if it breaks, you have to buy a new one.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': The word &quot;[[technology]]&quot;... means... &quot;magic&quot;. It's basically anything that's really cool that you don't know how it works. And if it breaks, you have to buy a new one.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': And then there's the Lappy, which rules over technology with a 42 pound, allegedly portable fist. Watch as it magically [[W:screen saver|saves this screen]]. The screen is saved, man. This thing's gonna last like 50 years!

===Myths and legends (145)===
'''Strong Bad''': Mysterious Myths or Legendary Legends? Isn't that a show on one of those channels up in the high hundreds? Ya know, like between the CG Dinosaur Channel and the Homes with Rollercoasters in Them Network?

===Candy product (149)===
'''Strong Bad''': Why is it athletes are the only ones with their own candy bars? Shouldn't they have their own brand of, like, [[W:jockstrap|jockstrap]] or divorce lawyer instead?
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'''Marshie''': [as a “gaseous cloud of marshmallow vapor”] ''YOU CAN’T DESTROY ME!''

===Alternate universe (150)===
*'''Strong Bad''':  Whoa! Where am I?
*'''Strong Badman''': STINY! We have a visitor from an alternate universe!
*'''Strong Bad''': It's Strong Badman! And his well drawn abs! But... why are we in a crappy apartment instead of a secret underground lair... filled with secret underground gadgets?
*'''Strong Badman''':  Because mere mortal... this apartment… IS [[W:rent control|RENT CONTROLLED]]! And... water's included.
*'''Strong Bad''':  Is that why all your faucets are running?
*'''Strong Bad''':  MU-HU-HA-HA-HAH! Those dimwits down at the public works won't know what hit them!
*'''Strong Badman''':  So, that's your evil plan? To waste water?
*'''Strong Bad''': And not pay for it!!

===Theme song (155)===
[[File:Flag of Ontario.svg|thumb|Oooh, a little south of the border flavor.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Super Bad, It bugs me how your email show doesn't have a theme song. If it did have a theme song, your show would be a whole lot cooler. Jonathan SHA-HEEEN! [Shaheen], [[w:Ontario|Onté-rio, Kana-DAH]].” Oooh, a little south of the border flavor. Dear Supper Bag, It bugs me how your face doesn't have a not tons of [[W:acne|acne]]. If it did have a not tons of acne, ''you'' would be a whole lot cooler.
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*'''Strong Bad''': Theme songs are just an excuse for showmakers to make less show.
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*'''Commercial narrator''': Do you make butt at your current job? Do you want to make twice butt? A shady online degree is just four clicks away at CGNU online e-niversity. Most colleges take four years to complete. At CGNU, one year equals one click.
*'''Senor [sic] Cardgage''': I got fourteen degrees while on my lunch take [sic]. Now I can legally prescribe marriages in the state of Kansattica.
*'''Commercial narrator''':Enroll now, and join the e-niversity e-volution e-day. Uh, well, today. That last one didn't quite work out.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': You see, SHA-HEEN? You're basically asking me to dedicate 2 minutes of my 3 to 5 minute email show, to what is essentially a commercial for something you're already watching!

===Road trip (156)===
'''Strong Bad''': Every good road trip needs a good inside joke that only the people that went on the road trip will get. And your friends that didn't go on the road trip will want to... kill your... legs... every time you bring it up.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*''[Strong Bad and the Cheat are trapped in their [[W:AMC Gremlin|AMC Gremlin]]]''
*'''Strong Bad''': [deliriously] Look at that little stain over there! That could be a whole 'nother world. With a whole 'nother Strong Bad and The Cheat stuck in a Gremlin.

===Trading cards (157)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Daniel, trading cards are the biggest waste of not a video game on the planet! In fact, I thought trading cards were outlawed the day they invented good graphics. As for that &quot;gum&quot; that comes with them, I'm pretty sure they replaced that with a pink piece of [[W:balsa wood|balsa wood]] back in the early '80s and nobody ever noticed.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': First up is Coach Z's line of vaguely sportsish managerial cards. What self-respecting twelve-year-old doesn't want to collect pictures of the smelly old men behind their favorite sports teams? And who could resist memorizing all these fabulous stats? Ooh, a record high 23 butt pats in '84!
*'''Homestar Runner''': And, who do you think was the lucky recipient of all those [wiggles his rear end] butt pats 'cept a one?
*'''Strong Bad''': Let me guess, it—
*'''Homestar Runner''': No, it was me. It was like I was made to hustle that season.
*'''Strong Bad''': So, who got that last butt pat?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, I think he gave himself that one. He's re-known for his self-butt pats.
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, [[W:sex offender registry|“known” in seven states]].

===Coloring (160)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear awesome&quot;… Oh! Somebody finally got it right!
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*'''Strong Bad''': Marzipan, what kind of cult are you running here?
*'''Marzipan''': Oh, a pretty standard one.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Marzipan''':  Anyway, we don't use the term &quot;Skin Flesh&quot;. The color you're looking for is &quot;Dermal Discoveries&quot;.
*'''Strong Bad''': What's that scramble?! What about Lipstick Red?
*'''Marzipan''': No, no, no. Too gender-specific. We use &quot;Crimson Suggestion&quot;.
*'''Strong Bad''': Well, how 'bout Hairspray Blond?
*'''Marzipan''': &quot;Vague Pigmentation&quot;!
*'''Strong Bad''': Leather Black?
*'''Marzipan''': We just call that &quot;Blue&quot;.

===4 branches (161)===
*'''Rumble Red''': But, Earthling, they don't have polymascotfoamalate on ''my'' planet. Eh, rumble.
*'''The Homestar Runner''': That's 'cause you're a [[Communism|Communest]] [sic] fool, Red!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
*'''Singers''': Polymascotfoamalate!
*'''The Homestar Runner''': Feed it to the babies.
* '''Singers''': Polymascotfoamalate!
*'''Old-timey Strong Bad''': Or as a topping on Soured Cream!

===What i want [sic] (163)===
[[File:2023 Ozdoby choinkowe.jpg|thumb|There's no better way to say, &quot;I have no idea what your interests are&quot; than to give someone a present that ceases to be useful the moment it's opened.]]
'''Strong Bad'''“: Dear Strong Bad: What do you want for Decemberween? Your holiday spirit, Talon Jendro.”
Where'd you get that name? [[George Lucas]]? “Ta'lon J'en-dr'o from the computery generated planet of [[W:Des Moines, IA|Des' Moi-nes'ia]].” Anyways, everybody knows the kind of stuff I want, Ta'lon. A catapult that launches balls of cobras, chainsaw car, subscription to [[W:EGM2|EGM2]], hot step-sister. That email writes itself. It's more important that I establish what I ''don't'' want for Decemberween.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Our first item is a perennial all-star of bad awful Decemberween presents: the ornament.
*'''Marzipan''': There's no better way to say, &quot;I have no idea what your interests are&quot; than to give someone a present that ceases to be useful the moment it's opened.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Our last gift items are all about the false notion that just because you made something yourself, it's not a worthless piece of crap.
*'''Marzipan''': These seashells have office supplies hot-glued to them for absolutely no reason.
*'''Strong Bad''' Yes, and the more globs of hot glue I can see, the quicker I throw it in the trash.
*'''Marzipan''': This clothespin reindeer ornament is forgettably precious.
*'''Strong Bad''' Whoa, homemade ''and'' an ornament. That thing is an anti-gift. If someone gives you one of those, you actually have to pay ''them'' because it's so poor. Uh, probably because ''they're'' so poor.

===Looking old (164)===
[[File:Ricky stenhouse jr. (52261201953).jpg|thumb|Sup my young parsons, I too am [[w:gogurt|so on the go that I drink my yogurt from a tube]].]]
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, you really do look old, how old are you anyways? Your faithful fan, Andy, H-S-I-A-O [Hsiao] and sometimes Y, from [[Taiwan]].” Look Andyman, my age is a closely guarded secret, protected by a sect of closely guarded monks high atop the Coches Mountains. They would no sooner dance with a goat than divulge my age. But they will bake you some crustly guarded bread! Anyways, whattaya mean I look old? Are you telling me the nightly [[W:nacho cheese|nacho cheese]] [[w:facial treatment|masks]] aren't working?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Now what I need is an image overhaul. Something to reconnect me with the youth of today. Something that says— &quot;Sup my young parsons [sic], I too am [[w:gogurt|so on the go that I drink my yogurt from a tube]]&quot;.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Bubs''': We could try [[Apple Inc.|iStrong, or iBad]]...
*'''Strong Bad''': We already tried that with lowercase &quot;e&quot;s back in the late '90s. [[W:dot com bubble|We all know where that got us]].

===Rough copy (170)===
'''Strong Bad''': Man, that kid was going to have so few pants on after we got done suing them off him. And now he's gonna strut around all on-panted waving his pant-covered legs in our faces.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': Our case is air-tight. Why stop at pants? We could probably sue that black zip-up hoodie off him now too!

===More armies (172)===
*'''The King of Town''': The drive... the power... the skills... the motivation... the power again... the fortitude... the strive... the ideals... the list of attributes... the Municipality. Honor. Valor. Buttor. [sic]

===Mini-golf (174)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Someone no-one cares about in [[Iowa]]”, also known as “everyone, in Iowa”.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
[[File:Blue water2.jpg|thumb|That stuff's just begging for kids to either drink it or pee in it... or worse... ''both''.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': Strong Badia doesn't have a place of its own, so when we need to get our tiny golf on, we usually head over to Sweet Puttin' Cakes. And yes, it's every bit as messed up as [[#Crazy cartoon (72)|the cartoon on which it's based]]. In fact, we don't even know how to get there. It's just like, one minute you're thinking about miniature golf...
*[Cut to Strong Bad and the cheat in the former’s basement.]
*'''Strong Bad''': You know what I love? The smell of that rubber handle on the putters, that you know like a thousand other... people… ''have… touuuuuuuuuuuuched…'' [audio slows to a crawl]
*[fade to black]
*'''Strong Bad''': [voiceover] ...and the next minute, you're there.
*'''Strong Bad''': [appears in Sweet Puttin’ Cakes] Woah!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': And yes, even in this infernal place, you can't escape the blue family recreation water! That stuff's just begging for kids to either drink it or pee in it... or worse... ''both''.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': [emerges from the “blue family recreation water”] Whoo! I didn't find my ball, but I did see some exotic marine life!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Homestar, all that's down there is cigarette butts.
*'''Homestar Runner''': And... a bra.
*'''Strong Bad''':  Sweet!

===Hygiene (176)===
[[File:ISO 7010 M011.svg|thumb|Hygiene is defined as &quot;how close people are willing to stand next to you&quot;.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': Fifth grade boys?!  Man, what happened to the hot college girls that used to email me? You ladies stop your be-pantied pillowfighting and drop me a line!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Hygiene is defined as &quot;how close people are willing to stand next to you&quot;.

===Bike thief (178)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Hey Strong Bad, I'm at college and I need to keep my bike from being stolen. I figure if I think like a thief, I can figure out how to protect it. So, how would you try to steal my bike? Virginia, [[Michigan|M.I.]]” Oh, not smart enough for [[Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]], huh? Just M.I.?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': That's how I'd do it, College Bike Owner. So keep away from shrubbery, don't talk to anyone with a clipboard, and avoid putting your bike on the roof of glass skyscrapers.

===Slumber party (180)===
*'''Strong Bad''': According to Coolguy's Law, the popularity of the host is inversely proportional to the amount of fun you can have at their house.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': What did you say the name of this family card game was again, Strong Bad?
*'''Strong Bad''': This is called Find The Load Bearer. You never played this before?
*'''Homestar Runner''': No. Find The Load Bearer, Bed Axe, I never heard of any of these games we're playing.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Whoa! Jackpot! Blood Bleeder, Head Chopper 2, Scab Wars, Blistergeist? Most of these things have been taken off the market!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh. Those are off-limits. We're only allowed to play Clapping Party.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': But if you're looking for a guaranteed good time, you need to get invited to an OLDER KID'S slumber party. Anything goes at those things!
*''[Cut to Coach Z’s locker room]''
*'''Bubs''': My cousin Louis, he's dead. My cousin Harold, he's dead.
*'''Coach Z''': And my back still hurts. And my knees still hurt. And my head still hurts.
*'''The King of Town''': Government ain't right! Government ain't right!
*'''Bubs'''So : my [[W:escrow|escrow]] carried over into my [[W:lumbago|lumbago]], but then my [[W:sciatica|sciatica]] started acting up.
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, can you guys start using some words that were invented after the year nineteen-oh-zero?
*'''The King of Town''': Come now, young whipper-snapper. My fellows and I were just about to start playing at games of chance!
*'''Strong Bad''': Lemme guess. That doesn't include Bed Axe.
*''[cut back to Strong Bad at his computer]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, you might wanna put a cap on what you define as &quot;older kids.&quot;
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Other than that, you can always look forward to endlessly ridiculing the kid that got picked up early 'cause he misses his mom. Strong Sad used to do that when we'd have slumber parties in our own basement!
*'''Strong Sad''': That only happened once!
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh-huh...
*'''Strong Sad''': A week...
*'''Strong Bad''': Keep going.
*'''Strong Sad''': For ten years...
*'''Strong Bad''': There you go!

===Web comic (181)===
[[File:Sprite comic example.svg|thumb|If you can't draw, never fear, just steal some graphics from your favorite video game, and add yet another unlicensed [[W:sprite comic|pixel comic]] to the overcrowded, overstunk landfill of web comics.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': [Webcomics are] all about video games, gamernerds, webgeeks, dorknerds, gamewads, nerdgames, webwebs, and elves.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
*'''Strong Bad''': Another approach is to just ask for input from your viewers and rip that off for content. [turns around to face the camera] Pfff. What a cop-out.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
*'''Strong Bad''': Borgorroth of Coolswordorroth shimmies for no man!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Or if you can't draw, never fear, just steal some graphics from your favorite video game, and add yet another unlicensed [[W:sprite comic|pixel comic]] to the overcrowded, overstunk landfill of web comics.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Everyone knows that putting “web” in front of words automatically makes them crappier. Just look what happened to “[[W:webpage|pages]]”, and “[[W:webcam|cams]]”, and “[[Blogging|logs]]”. And who could forget the fall of the mighty “[[W:webisode|isode]]”. Ohh, so tragic.
===Yes, wrestling (183)===
[[File:Christopher Daniels 1.jpg|thumb|Being an awesome wrestler has nothing to do with awesome wrestling moves! It’s all about awesome costumes, gimmicks, and dinosaur tranquilizer fueled ranting and raving.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': Well, Gardenboy, as a crafty ring veteran, I can let you in on a little secret. Being an awesome wrestler has nothing to do with awesome wrestling moves! It’s all about awesome costumes, gimmicks, and dinosaur tranquilizer fueled ranting and raving. I got my first big break with cable access’ longest named wrestling organization, All World Mid-Pro Shirtless Championship Entertainment or AWMPSCE. Of course they wanted me to be one of those lame masked wrestlers at first, but I have gimmickier plans.

===Diorama (184)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Dioramas shouldn't be wasted, Mollyman. This is probably the only school-approved opportunity to melt small plastic animals and shame our beloved literary characters that you're ever gonna get. I say embrace it! I say deface it!!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Now let's talk about topics. If the assignment calls for a science diorama, just slap some glue on some cotton balls and ''bang!'' The effects of [[W:cumulonimbus|cumulonimbus]] clouds on sheep, snowmen, aaaand... cotton... balls.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': The easiest way to get around reading an actual book is to make one up yourself! I can't tell you how many dioramas I got out of The King Of Town's Adventures in Giant Cockroachland! Books one through seven. Though with the Internet, it's probably easier for teachers to check your sources than in my day. To get away with that now, you'd also have to make a fake website for the book, and the author, and the publisher, and just to be safe, maybe go ahead and actually write the book. Man, it’s gotten so hard to cheat these days!

===Nightlife (185)===
*'''Strong Sad''': Strong Bad, are you putting on [[w:Body spray|body spray]]?
*'''Strong Bad''': Shut up! Guys don't wear body spray. This is uh... the blood... of slain... warrior... mammoths.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

*'''Strong Mad''': ''[“reading” fast food bag]'' YOU'RE NOT ON THE LIST!
*'''Strong Bad''': The list?! You're looking at a greasy bag of fast food!
*'''Strong Mad''': DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF! ''[laughs]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Wait, what? Strong Mad, did you just make a ''joke''?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

*'''Marzipan''': You don't look like you're having very much fun, Strong Sad.
*'''Strong Sad''': Oh I'm having a great time. This is my favorite club to go to, and not dance. Sometimes I'll even think about dancing, and then not dance. And if I'm feeling really crazy, I'll actually get out on the dance floor, and bust some fresh not-dancing.
*'''Marzipan''': Then how about I start busting some fresh not-hanging-out-with-you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

*'''Strong Bad''': ''[voiceover]'' And at some point during the night, we all get &quot;treated&quot; to Coach Z attempting to [[W:freestyle rap|freestyle]].
*'''Coach Z''': One two one two, 'bout to freestyle... One, two? One two?
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[voiceover]'' I mean... count to two over and over again.

===Winter pool (187)===
*'''Gel-Arshie''': I'M AN ABOMINATION! And I'm comin' to your house after school!
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[voiceover]'' Y'know, I really think those Marshie commercials ought to be rated [[W:NC-17|NC-17]]. ''[caption appears in the top left corner, reading &quot;NC-17, Needlessly Creepy times 17&quot;]''

===Licensed (190)===
*'''Strong Bad''': The true sign of being famous is in the unlicensed stuff! And we're all over that! In fact, we've got our own application process for becoming an officially licensed unlicensed seller of Strong Bad and The Cheat knock-offs.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  The main requirements are that the country of manufacture has changed name five times since I was in seventh grade; that you sell your wares from a blanket; that you always refer to the selling of our items as &quot;numba [sic] one bargain!&quot;; and that one of us has to have a human nose.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Just as I suspected! Totally legit looking stuff! Where are the human noses? The misspellings? The choking hazards?
*'''Bubs''': That's the kind of stuff I usually sell at the concession stand. This is the black market, man!
*'''Strong Bad''': So, wait a minute. Your shady bootleg operation peddles quality goods, while your legal store front sells dangerous crap?
*'''Bubs''': Exactly. I got a repatation to uphold!

===Buried (191)===
*'''Strong Sad''': I think that's just the cap of a bottle of Cold Ones Dry. You could probably just pick it up.
*'''Strong Bad''': What, are you crazy? I'm not touching that thing! It's booby trapped! It'll shoot a bunch of poison-tipped witch doctors at me!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': Quit ruining my ruins, [[Jurassic Park (film)|Jurassic Dork]]!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Bubs''': [shows up with numerous barrels of toxic waste] Anyways, I'm here for my weekly, Ahem, &quot;delivery&quot;.
*'''Strong Bad''':Yeah, yeah, just bury it wherever. But if you uncover any ruins, or hot aliens, or riches, they're mine, OK?
*'''Bubs''': Uh, what about fellas named Rich?
*'''Strong Bad''': Wha-what? No, I don't know anyone named Rich.
*'''Bubs''': OK, good. ''Then he can stay where he is''.
*'''Strong Sad''': Uh, is there anyway I can unhear the last few sentences? Or years of my life?

===Rated (193)===
[[File:Triple-R rating.png|thumb|In triple R -rated movies, you can show bullets go all the way through people! In the front, through their guts and organs and breakfast and RIGHT OUT the BACK! That is nasty, man!]]
'''Strong Bad''': The only thing better than [[W:R-rated|R-rated]] movies are double and triple R-rated movies! Let me break down the subtle differences for you. In an R-rated movie, the good guy only blows people up in self-defense. But double R -rated movies are allowed to blur the line! Man, I saw this one double R-rated movie, where the good guy stepped on this rabbit, and he didn't kill it, but then later on in the movie, he wished he did! The GOOD GUY! That's messed up, man! You can't let kids watch that kind of thing! Then in triple R -rated movies, you can show bullets go all the way through people! In the front, through their guts and organs and breakfast and RIGHT OUT the BACK! That is nasty, man!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Bad''': Only three have ever been made: ''Women's Penitentiary Bakesale Nightmare'', The ''Fists of Knuckles'' series, and ''Axe-Gun: Legends of the Brain-Outener''. They even banned those movies in [[W:Transylvania|Transylvania]], where you're required by law to eat puppies for breakfast. And even if a theater were showing it, which ours conveniently is, you gotta be like sixty-something years old just to buy tickets.

===Specially marked (194)===
[[File:Flag of Iowa.svg|thumb|The first hazard to watch out for are cereals that include anything grown in [[Iowa]] in the name. You know— corn, wheat, oats, hogs, fundamentally-sound college basketball players. Please, stay away from these.]]
*'''Strong Bad''': Well before you get the toys inside, you first have to navigate the treacherous, jaggedy rock filled class 5 rapids of specially marked cereal box fake outs! Luckily, I'm a lame sandal wearing hippie with a ponytail that's been down these rapids with groups of tourists many times!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': The first hazard to watch out for are cereals that include anything grown in [[Iowa]] in the name. You know— corn, wheat, oats, hogs, fundamentally-sound college basketball players. Please, stay away from these. Those cereals only ever put fitness-related crap in specially marked boxes.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': You know what kind of toys I'd put in specially marked boxes? […] Anything heavy and pointy enough to do lasting damage to the face.

===Love poems (195)===
[[File:Candle light, pillar candle.jpg|thumb|Your eyes, they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset. Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens hung to dry on the deck. Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would use to describe your mouth. And your nose: like an unscented emergency candle for when the power goes out.]]
[[File:Trifolium sp., Adana 01.jpg|thumb|Tis ne'er e'er o'er m'lo'er o' clo'er.]]
'''Strong Bad''': Did you know that writing love poems is as easy as telling a girl she's hot with the fance-pantsiest words you can think of? For poetic inspiration, I like to swipe the names of scented candle fragrances! “''Your eyes, they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset. Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens hung to dry on the deck. Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would use to describe your mouth. And your nose: like an unscented emergency candle for when the power goes out.''”
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Another way of fancying up a love poem is to replace random letters in the middle of words with apostrophes. &quot;It is never ever over, my lover of clover&quot; becomes &quot;'Tis ne'er e'er o'er m'lo'er o' clo'er&quot;.
*'''Coach Z''': ''[suddenly leans in]'' Now you're sporkin' my language!
*'''Strong Bad''': Get out!

===being mean (199)===
'''Strong Bad:''' Oh, wait. Being mean is the best choice there, too. Look, this is clearly not a job for me, Nice Dad. (Translation: Uncool Dad) But when it comes to teaching kids about behavior and choices and various other words from parenting books, there’s only one place to look for answers: the drama club!

===Hremail 3184 (201)===
*'''Strong Bad:''' “Dear Strong Bad, What was the coolest explosion you ever saw? From Kelly, [[USA|Ūsa]].” Mmmm! An exotic lady from the far east! That's kind of a vague question don'tcha think? That's like me asking, &quot;Dear Kelly, what's your favorite molecule of air that you've breathed?&quot; Or &quot;What's your favorite Strong Bad muscle that you wanted to rub with hot oils?&quot; You gotta narrow it down somehow. Like, do you wanna know about the coolest looking explosion I ever rigged up in Strong Sad's org-ethnic breakfast pouch on a Tuesday?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  Everybody knows that the more spit it takes to describe an explosion, the cooler said explosion was. And the cooler said explosion-talker-abouter is!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Sad''': Well, you know, Announcerman, that's right! All you gophers out there better listen up! The Magnificent Marzipan stole all Gardenboy's garden tools! And I don't care if she's the women's champion, men's champion, the half-woman half-man's champion, bu- Do we have one of those?
*'''Announcerman''': Er, yes, I believe we do.
*'''Strong Sad''': Well, can I fight them instead?

===Imaginary (202)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Dear. Streer. Beer. My brother had a friend over today and he drove me crazy!! What should I do about it? Crudfully, Henry Wisner, ''[[Wisconsin|why?]]''” “Crudfully”? Really? What, was your mom sitting over your shoulder when you typed this email? And is your mom the kind of lady that won't let you type the word “crap”? Don't get me wrong, I still woulda made fun of you if you had typed “crapfully”, I prolly would have just left your moms out of it.

===Independent (203)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Independent films are called that for a reason: they are independent of anything good.
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*'''Strong Sad''': I minored in holding on wide shots for too long!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': [An indie film director will] spend his 30-million dollar budget trying as hard as he can to make it look like he only spent a few hundred thousand. The first step is to spend millions on a hand-drawn title sequence that looks like it was made by some Junior High kid during Pre-Algebra. 
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': The title of the movie is either two of the cleverly named main characters, or the city and state in which it takes place. Ooh, in fact, just call it &quot;city, comma, state&quot;.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': an indie film's plot is pretty much the same as any summer blockbuster, but just switch out any mention of the word &quot;space&quot; with the word, &quot;small factory town&quot;, replace &quot;aliens&quot; with &quot;quirky, dysfunctional family&quot;, And replace &quot;voyage&quot; with... &quot;journey&quot;.

===Videography (205)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Hopefully that will be enough to keep your wife from wondering why her video media technologist husband wasn't smart enough to think of putting a video camera on a tripod across the room and press record. But you could probably also get away with just putting a label that says &quot;WEDDIN [sic] TAPE&quot; on a VHS cassette since none-out-of-none couples actually ever watch their wedding video. Unless of course a baby drops an f-bomb, somebody pukes in their toupee, or Grandmaw Auntpaw rolls down the stairs in her wheelchair. In which case you simply post it online and turn it into internet gold! And I can definitely arrange for some of that stuff to happen at your wedding, if you enlist my services as an &quot;event coordinator.&quot;

===The next april fool’s thing (208)===
*'''Strong Bad''': “Sincerely, Mollie B.” Oh, that is a waste of a perfectly good middle &quot;B&quot; initial, Mollie! Lemme fix that for ya! “Sincerely, Mollie B. Chowdwerworth Gruelmanger”. You know, of the Puntington Farms Gruelmangers.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': For motivation, I do what any great coach does, and berate myself until I get results or until I quit the team and press charges!
*[Cut to Strong Bad shouting at himself in a mirror]
*'''Strong Bad''': Chowderworth Gruelmanger?! You call that an overly-complicated old-timey last name?! That is bush-league, son! I am sick and tired of this crap! And [[W:Bobby Knight|I'm sick of losing to Purdue]]!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Always be'sing and do'sing! And never cheesing or choosing! Always be'sing and do'sing!
*'''Strong Bad''': Er... Homestar?
*'''Homestar Runner''': And never cheesing or choosing!
*'''Strong Bad''': Homestar!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, what?
*'''Strong Bad''': You're in my house.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yup.
*'''Strong Bad''': Again.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yeppers.
*'''Strong Bad''':: Aaand you brought a boulder.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Not me. [[W:Plate tectonics|Plate tectonics]].
*'''Strong Bad''': What are you doin' in here, man?!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh. Well, I heard you talking about motivation and inspiration, and I decided to brush off my old ABD's!
*'''Strong Bad''': Umm, Aloud But Deadly?
*'''Homestar Runner''': You don't know about the ABD's, Strong Bad?
*''[long beat; electronic whine can be heard in the background]''
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[whispering]'' I'm just gonna stay silent in the hope that you won't tell me what it means.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Always be'sing and do'sing!
*'''Strong Bad''': You say that like it clarified anything.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Rules for an inspired life, Strong Bad. No matter what you do, or where you are, always be's be'sing and do'sing.
*'''Strong Bad''': So you started a cult.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, kinda. For instance, I am currently be'sing on this boulder, and I am do'sing an ABD workshop with you.
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh, okay. Then I am be'sing full of rage, and do'sing a roundhouse kick to your face!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Nooope, nope nope, that was some prime choosing you committed right there. Did you see it?
*'''Strong Bad''': Wait, what's wrong with choosing?!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Cheesing and choosing. The antithesis of be'sing and do'sing! If you're choosin', you're losin'.
*'''Strong Bad''': Just because something rhymes doesn't mean it's good life advice!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Ah! And that's a perfect example of cheesing!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Changin' attitudes with rhymin' platitudes!

===Parenting (209)===
'''Strong Bad''': And so Mike Morkleson— I-I don't know if that's your last name but you just seem like a real Morkleson —thus ended my brief foray into the soirée of fatherhood. I've distilled it all down into 3 main points, so you can remember: Number one: Babies are totally boring for the first nine months. Give to Grandma. 2. Keep a drawer full of useless keys and TV remotes for some reason. And number 3. That much ballyhooed 'new baby smell' people are always talking about, it just smells like crap! Babies just smell like crap! You just get used to it!! Don't let 'em fool you! It's not a good smell! BABIES SMELL LIKE CRAAAAAAAP!

===Robots (210)===
*'''Strong Bad''': Now follow him and learn what their robot world domination plans are so we can copy 'em!
*'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises]
*'''Strong Bad''': Of course they want to take over the world! Why else would robots be having a secret council meeting?
*'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises]
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh. I suppose a [[w:Firmware|firmware]] upgrade is a possibility. If it is, then take this [[w:Floppy disk|floppy]] and download it.

==Teen Girl Squad==
[[File:Gilbert Stuart Williamstown Portrait of George Washington.jpg|thumb|Woot.]]
''Note: the series is a show-within-a-show. All the characters are “voiced” by Strong Bad''

*'''The girls''': ''[Repeated line]'' SOOOOO GOOD!

===Issue 1===
*'''Narrator''': ARROWED!!!

===Issue 3===
*'''So and So''': Before we shop, how about some PAN-ASIAN CUISINE?
*'''The Ugly One''': Three [[W:spring roll|spring rolls]], please.
*''[chef throws spring rolls at The Ugly One]''
*'''Chef''': [[W:MSG|MSG]]'D!!
*'''The Ugly One''': Ow! My stomach lining!

===Issue 4===
*'''What’s Her Face''': When you fall in a bottomless pit, you die of starvation.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Narrator''': ''[in a sinister tone as possums approach]'' '''Possummmms...'''

===Issue 5===
*'''The Ugly One''': [thinking] I hope nobody cool or famous is staring at me.
*[ [[George Washington]], [[Abraham Lincoln|Abe Lincoln]], and [[Henry Rollins]] appear and point at The Ugly One.]
*'''George Washington''': Look, look at that girl.
*'''So and So''': She's my friend, but not my best. [beat] Now who wants to tandem parasail with me?
*'''George Washington''': Woot.
*'''Abe Lincoln''': Woot.
*'''Henry Rollins''': Woot.

===Issue 7===
*'''Toddler What’s her Face''': I can count to G!
*'''Toddler Cheerleader''': That's nothing. I can count to purple backwards!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Toddler What’s her Face''': Here comes Tompkins.
*'''Tompkins''': Listen up, you undapants! Who wants to get hogtied, and pushed down, into, some snakewater?
*'''Toddler The Ugly One''' Tompkins, how do you be so short?
*'''Tompkins''': Heck, I'm taller than you.
*'''The girls''': TOMPKINS MADE A SWEAR!!!
*'''Tompkins''': Waaaahh!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Toddler What’s her Face''':  Tompkins crinkled when he walked.
*'''Toddler So and So''': Poor guy never made it out of training pants.

===Issue 9===
*'''Cheerleader''': Okay, my art galleries, let's get ready to be...
*'''The girls''': SOOOOO DEAD!

===Issue 10===
[[File:The WB Network logo.svg|thumb|I don't think I can stomach another show not on [[W:the WB|the WB]].]]
*'''The Ugly One''': So... who wants to come to my sweet someteen birthday bash tonight?
*'''What’s Her Face''': Is it going to be [[W:Nick at Nite|Nick at Nite]] themed again?
*'''So and So''': I don't think I can stomach another show not on [[W:the WB|the WB]].
*'''Cheerleader''': No! We can't come. We have... the... [[Olympic Games|Olympics]]... tonight!
*'''The Ugly One''': Oh, cuz it's a boy/girl party...
*'''Cheerleader and So and So''': a B'GRL PRTY?!?
*'''What’s Her Face''': Taking the vowels out of words doesn't always make them cool.
*'''So and So''': 'm srry.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Narrator''': [[W:pwned|Puh-owned]]! Or however you say that...
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''Strong Sad''': [after catching Strong Bad making out with a picture of The Ugly One]  Uh, Strong Bad, were you just [[W:baseball metaphors for sex|first-basin' it]] with that piece of loose-leaf?!

===Issue 12===
*'''Cheerleader''': ''[to So and So]'' Shut yer plaid skirted face! Here comes a boy!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''The Ugly One''': Owww! My the fact that I was alive a second ago!
*'''So and So''': I'll notify her next of... uh... fruit cup. ''[to fruit cup]'' I'm so sorry to have to tell you this...
*'''Cheerleader''': Stop talking to fruit! Valentimes ''[sic]'' is serious times!
*'''So and So''': -tines.
*'''Cheerleader''': What?
*'''So and So''': Valen-TINES!! T-I-N— ''[So and So is run over by a [[W:formula 1|formula 1]] car driven by [[W:tine (structural)|a fork]]]''
*'''Cheerleader''': As I was saying, Vamlumtime's ''[sic]'' Day is serious times.

===Issue 13===
'''Momkins''': Listen, I'll be at a place until a time, my cell phone number is some numbers, the baby needs stuff, what’s poison control? Punch Tompkins in the gut, good luck. SHE GONE!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
'''So and So''': [Holding up a book called &quot;&lt;s&gt;urban legends&lt;/s&gt; i mean health class&quot; [sic]] Don't you remember health class?! YOU’LL MICROWAVE THE BABY!!

===Issue 15===
[[File:Vocaloid + HRP-4C Miim collaboration (clip), Yamaha booth, CEATEC JAPAN 2009.jpg|thumb|You'd think I'd be into life-size, realistic robots, but that thing makes me wanna barf up my earlier energy drink into the one I'm currently drinking.]]
*'''Cheerleader''': Oh my grash, gals! Guess who just got a date for the priggidy prizom?!
*'''What’s Her Face''': I'm a little rusty on my white girl gangsta. Does that mean you're dating a pretty prism?
*'''So and So''': No no, that's the name of this year's prom.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Japanese Culture Greg''': Come on Chizuko, we're too cool for the prom anyway.
*'''Chizuko''': Welcome, American investor, to [[ W:Consumer electronics show|2005 Consumer Robotics]] Show!
*'''Sci-fi Greg''': You'd think I'd be into life-size, realistic robots, but that thing makes me wanna barf up my earlier energy drink into the one I'm currently drinking.
*''[Chizuko vaporizes Japanese Culture Greg]''
*'''Narrator''': [[W:UNCANNY VALLEY|UNCANNY VALLEY]]'D!
*'''Japanese Culture Greg''': THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE!

==Marzipan’s Answering Machine==
===Version 2.0===
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, yes, hello there Mrs. Pan. This is, uh, Detective Everybody down here at the station. And um, and we got your boyfriend Homestar down here and, uh, he's dead. Beca— we killed him, because he was so stupid that we had to shoot him, to keep h-him from being even more stupid. So if you wanna come down and I.D. the body, there's not much left... we put about 37 slugs in him, eh-and things don't look too good. Uh, so if you could come down we would appreciate it, right now, um, to come look at your dead boyfriend. ''[cracking up]'' Okay, have a good day.

===Version 17.2===
[[File:Planking in a kitchen.jpg|thumb|Etched into the halls of history!]]
[[File:OUYA-Console-set-h.png|thumb|Written in [[W:Sharpie|Sharpie]] on the bathroom wall of history!]]
[[File:Jeremy Lin Adidas (cropped).jpg|thumb|Carved into the tree trunk of history!]]
[[File:Google Glass photo.JPG|thumb|Blinking photographs into the profile pics of history!]]
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh dang! Oh dang muffins! Oh dang muffins pie! OH DANG MUFFINS PIE À LA MODE! This is gonna be the best April Fools' Day prank call ever! Now you're sure the science is sound? The battle axes and [[W:cheese whizz|Cheez Wheezes]] will actually get through the phone lines?
*'''The Cheat''': ''[gibberish]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh... [[W:fiber optics|fiber optics]]... makes sense, makes sense...
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, man, Marzipan! Have you heard about the new internet craze, [[W:planking (fad)|planking]]? It is gonna be around forever, and I'm gonna be doing it forever! Etched into the halls of history!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[smoothly]'' Good afternoon, Mrs. Pan. This is Vince Napmaker from public radio's &quot;The World is my Butt&quot;. We wanted to call you to thank you for being a continued supporter of public radio. But we wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to increase your support. Every dollar counts. Do you have any idea how much it costs to act like you're this much better than everyone else? And furthermore, our uppity podcasts aren't going to create themselves. So please, as always, for the sake of tote bags everywhere, put a bunch of cash in a paper and/or plastic bag and leave it on the doorstep.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh man, Marzipan. [[W:Kickstarter|Kickstarter]] sensation the [[W:Ouya|Ouya]], they're gonna make games for that thing for the rest of eternity! Mark my words, every game that comes out from now until the end of time will also come out on the Ouya. Gonna outlive [[W:Sony|Sony]], [[Nintendo]], [[W:Coleco|Coleco]], Canseco&lt;ref&gt;There is no such company; however there was formerly a [[W:Conseco inc.|Conseco]], now known as CNO Financial Group.&lt;/ref&gt;, [[W:Jaleco|Jaleco]], all of the heavy hitters. Anyways, I can't wait to be playing Ouya games in fifteen years, or even like, five months! Written in [[W:Sharpie|Sharpie]] on the bathroom wall of history!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, man, Marzipan, I don't think I'm feeling so good. I think I've got a bad case of... [[W:Linsanity|Linsanity]]! Oh, man! Have you seen this kid? [[W:Jeremy Lin|Jeremy Lin]]! He can't be stopped! He's gonna score thirty points a game for the rest of his career! The [[W:Knicks|Knicks]] are never gonna let this guy go! Face of the franchise. I will never forget Linsanity. Carved into the tree trunk of history!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Sad''': Oh, hey Marzipan. It's Strong Sad. Uh, I've just been feeling really depressed, 'cause, because I haven't been acting very depressed. It used to be my thing, but I don't feel like I get to be sad and depressing anymore, like I used to. So I just want to kinda beef up my numbers in the sad and depressing column. So I may be leaving you some messages, you know sort of dark, inner demons, and that kind of thing. Should be fun.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[robotically]'' Greetings, Marzipan. This is an automated call from Grody Lab Results, Incorporated. Your test results are: negative.
*'''Strong Sad''': ''[in the background]'' Negative is ''good'' when you're talking about lab results!
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[normal voice]'' Wait, what? Oh, ''[resumes speaking robotically]'' your test results are: positive. ''[normal voice]'' Are you sure? It sounds like I'm giving her good news.
*'''Strong Sad''': I don't want to be party to this!
*'''Strong Bad''': They should be less confusing. ''[robotically]'' Your test results are: terrible. And you're dying, or possibly already dead by the time you get this. If you want us to perform experimental surgery on you and, like, sew a llama head onto your existing head, please call back during regular putting-llama-heads-on-people hours and we will schedule an appointment. This prank call has not been my finest execution. Thank you and have a nice day.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh man, Marzipan. Can you hear that? That is the majestic hush of a paradigm shift. That's right. Me and Pom Pom are waiting in line for our [[W:Google Glass|Google Glass]]! I can't wait to be like, lookin' through this thing! And like, seein' other things! I honestly can't remember how I lived my life yesterday, without Google Glass. These things are gonna change the way they build cities! I'm talkin' [[Jeff Bezos|Bezos]] segway style. Alright, I gotta go. It's almost me and Pom Pom's turn! Blinking photographs into the profile pics of history!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[unconvincing “foreign” accent]'' Oh, yes, Marzipan. This is your foreign boyfriend, Rongardo Shavemybody. It's so nice to hear your voice again on machine of answers. I miss all the time we spent in foreign lands together, havin' exotic foods. I'm visiting your country now, and want you to come and meet with me. I hear there's a lovely little café in a place called Strong Badia. Would you go, please, and wait for me there? As is the custom of my people, I will be very late, and you should wait for a really long time. You will think that it is too long to be waiting, but I assure you is the custom of my payple ''[sic]'', and you don't want to be offending my payple, do you? Alright. I kiss you on both sides of your cheek and underneath your chin. As is the custom of... a-my PAYple. And now I bid you farewell in the most prime language of my country. [[W:Braunschweiger|Braunschweiger]]!

==Strong Bad’s Disc 4 of 12==
===[[W:FriendlyWare|FriendlyWare]]===
*'''Strong Bad''': All right, let's see, what else we got? &quot;Eye &amp; Hearing Test&quot;? How'd they sneak that one onto the top menu? That should definitely be between, like, the Amortaninazation Calculator and like, Edgar's Checkbook Balance Blasta.

===[[W:World Games (video game)|World Games]]===
*'''Strong Bad''': &quot;Enter your name.&quot; I gotta go with the number one world athletic champion, Loadpast. &quot;Loadpast pick your country!&quot; I see the very current nations of [[Soviet Union|U.S.S.R.]] and [[W:West Germany|West Germany]].
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Nice wipeout! I did, like six 360s! That's like a... ''six-thrixty!''
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''':  [Playing the “[[W:Bull Riding|Bull Riding]]” minigame] Whoa, palette swap! That is jarring. [twangy accent] In [[Texas]], we only see things in the taco seasoning spectrum. Who needs [[W:CMYK|CMYK]] when you can have... GMCJ? That's [[W:guacamole|guacamole]], [[W:mole (sauce)|mole]], [[W:cayenne|cayenne]] and [[W:jalapeño|jalapeño]].

==Strongest Man in the World==
*'''Homestar Runner''': Everybody loves the me! I'm a terrific athlete!

==The Homestar Runner Gets Something Stuck in his Craw==
*'''Strong Bad''': ''[narrating a picture book]'' Strong Bad and his The Cheat rolled up and started talking smack. ''[in awkward monotone]'' &quot;You look dumb and stuff! Doing yardwork is only for the loseriest of losers!&quot;
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': &quot;Ha ha ha ha! That guy is talking to a thing that's not a person!&quot; cackled Strong Bad with sort of a nose.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Bravo, Strong Bad. You simply must read one more.
*'''Strong Bad''': Ohh, fine, fine. So I shall. How about The Strong Sad Wets Yonder Bed?
*'''Strong Sad''': ''[leans in]'' There is no such kids' book!

== The Best Decemberween Ever ==
*'''Strong Bad''': Okay, let's see what we got from Homestar here...
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Open it! Open it! That one's from me. It took me forever to pick it out!
*'''Strong Bad''': What?! The [[Deep Impact]] DVD?! You got me this for like the last three years, man!
*'''Homestar Runner''':  I know! And you liked it so much, I decided to get it for you again!
*'''Strong Bad''': Oh, man! This is the worst Decem—
*'''Homestar Runner''': This is the best Decemberween ever!

==Flash is Dead!==
*'''Strong Bad''': Now listen. I've got enough classic motion [[W:tweening|tweens]] and deprecated actions in ol' F-Sack here to last us at least six months until we can learn [[W:HTML5|HTML5]].
*'''Homestar Runner''': Ooh, I know what that stands for! Hyper-Text Markup Lotion! ''[holds up lotion]'' Let me poop a little bit out for you. ''Thbbt thbbt thbbt''.
*'''Strong Bad''': Nope, nope, nope, [[W:the land of ten-thousand lakes|the land of ten-thousand nopes]].
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, the death of Flash is equivalent to a giant meteor heading straight for the Earth!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oohhh, I got you. Sounds like somebody's asking for another heaping helping of... Deep Impact! Strong Bad, this is [[Morgan Freeman|Morgan]] [[The Shawshank Redemption|Shawshank]], I need you to hit that meteor with every [[W:Robert Duvall|Duvall]] you've got.
*'''Strong Bad''':  Never mind. I'll be in Bubs' fallout shelter if anybody needs me. Good luck with yourself, Homestar.
*'''Homestar Runner''': [[W:I don't want to miss a thing|I don't want to miss a thing]]!
*'''Strong Bad''':  [[Armageddon (film)|Wrong movie]].
*'''Homestar Runner''': Wait, [[W:twin films|those were two different movies]]? But they both came out, like, [[w:1998 in film|the same summer]] even.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
[[File:Planetoid crashing into primordial Earth.jpg|thumb|HOPE n’ STUFF!]]
*HOPE n’ STUFF!
**”Tagline” to Deep Impact
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*Oh man! Oh dang man!
**”Quote” from [[W:Jeffery Lyons|Jeffery Lyons]] on the cover of the Deep Impact DVD

==Bug in Mouth Disease==
[[File:Shakespeare.jpg|thumb|And that's why come [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] was so awesome.]]
*'''TV narrator''': And that's why come ''[sic]'' [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] was so awesome.
*'''Strong Sad''': Oh! I see now.
*'''Strong Bad''': Hey, [[W:Dairy Queen|Dairy Queen]].
*'''Strong Sad''': I already told you, I don't want to be called that any more! I made a mistake!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Oh, sorry, Dairy Queen. Anyways, look. I just thought you should know that all your underwears somehow ended up individually priced and labeled in an online auction.
*'''Strong Sad''': Nobody buy the blue ones! ''[vacates the couch and runs out]''
*'''Strong Bad''':  That was too easy. Now to settle down for the 24-hour Caleb Rentpayer marathon!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Tuxworth''': ''[on TV]'' Caleb, were you making a little tent out of my jacket?
*'''Caleb''': ''[on TV]'' I am now!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Yeah, you make that little tent, Caleb! He's not the boss of you!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Bubs''': I've got terrible, terrible news, Homestar.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, no! Is it about the good times?
*'''Bubs''': I'm afraid you've got no [[W:pancreas|pancreas]]. But I do happen to have [[W:Organ trade|a fresh one for sale]] right here!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Bubs, are you an unethical quack?
*'''Bubs''': The most quackinest!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Strong Bad, I really need your help.
*'''Strong Bad''': And I really need to find out who shot Caleb Rentpayer!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, that's easy. I did.
*'''Strong Bad''': You-ka— w-wha?
*'''Tuxworth''': ''[on TV]''  Homestar Runner... did you shoot Caleb?
*'''Homestar Runner''': ''[on TV]''  I sure did.
*'''Strong Bad''': You traitor! You shot my favorite TV show!

==Sickly Sam's Big Outing==
*'''Announcer''': Listen up, short children! It's the Fluffy Puff Air-Puffed Sugar Delights Presents The Homestar Runner Progrum ''[sic]''! In ''a'' color!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''The Homestar Runner''': Now let's get you dressed to the five and three-quarterses. ''[puts a bow tie on Sickly Sam]''
*'''Sickly Sam''': I do believe you've spicked my span.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Sickly Sam''': ''[observing a hole in the boardwalk]'' What a pleasant hole. I can't say 'nough good things about this hole.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': Curses, you bone-legged boob! I'll pump you generously full of lead, shot at high velocity out of my pistola so as to pierce the flesh! Or in your case, the burlap sack! ''[Sickly Sam grabs him and begins swallowing him, very slowly]'' Rrrah! I can't believe I'm being eaten! What a tragedy! I was supposed to sell you to the glue factory and whatnot! I can't believe I'm still being eaten! This is taking so much longer than I expected!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': ''[after being eaten]'' Curses! All they've got in here is [[W:Parcheesi|Parcheesi]]! Can't a gentle-man ''[sic]'' at least get a game of, say, pole-dagger, or [[W:Polynesia|Polynesian]] [[W:Roulette|Roulette]]? What manner of uncivilized ribcage is this, anyways?

==Mr. Shmallow==
*'''Mr. Shmallow''': Each delight is hand puffed with a blend of only the finest airs. Air-puffing is surely the future of eating ''delicious'' foodstuffs.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Mr. Shmallow''': Add open flames to create a ''flavor taste'' that will send you ''to the moon!''
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
*'''Mr. Shmallow''': Look lively. LOOK LIVELY!
*'''The Homestar Runner''': ''[watching Shmallow on TV]'' That monster's gonna give me nightmares.

==That a Ghost==
*'''The Homestar Runner''': Guess what I read in the news-papper ''[sic]'' today.
*'''Old-Timey Marzipan''': I can't guess.
*'''The Homestar Runner''': I read that a ghost.
*'''Old-Timey Marzipan''': You read that a ghost what?
*'''The Homestar Runner''': I read that a ghost is.
*'''Old-Timey Marzipan''': You read that a ghost is what?
*'''The Homestar Runner''': I read that a ghost is here in town and there's a 27 cent ree-ward for its capture.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': Says here in the news-papper ''[sic]'' that the encapturement of the new apparition garners top reward of 26 and one pennies. We could buy the monocle off [[John D. Rockefeller|Rockefeller's]] very eyeball with that kind of cash!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''':  You're too late! The reward will be ours! I'll be marching around in gold pants in no time!
*'''Old-Timey Marzipan''':: Where's the ghost?
*'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''':  Behold! The fantoustic ''[sic]'' phantasm.
*'''The Homestar Runner''': That's no ghost. That's just our worst friend Sickly Sam.
*'''Sickly Sam''': I bury myself alive on Tuesdays.
*'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''':  Criminy crickets! Foiled again!

==Meet Marshie==
*'''Marshie''': Stuff some in your pockets for ''SEEECRET EATING!!!''
&lt;hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Marshie''': Now try new Fluffy Puff All-Marshmallow Mayonnaise. [in a bizarre, creepy high-pitched whisper] ''Made from the be-e-e-st stuuuuuff~''
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': I hate that freakin' marshmallow.
==Malloween Commercial==
*'''Marshie''': ''[crying backstage]'' WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT?!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': I thought you said you were the star of this one.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, right. I made that up. But I did get to keep this cool eyeball. Seeeee! Seeee!
*'''Strong Bad''': What are you doing!?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Isn't that the sound that um... eyeballs make?

==Strong Bad is a Bad Guy==
*'''Strong Mad''': A GLOWY BOX! A GLOWY BOX!
*'''Strong Bad''': A glowy box? Are you sure that's what you'd get for your tattoo?
*'''Strong Mad''':: IT'S PERSONAL!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Hey guys! H'whatcha teekenbot ''[sic]''?
*'''Strong Bad''': We're talking about something cool and interesting. You wouldn't understand.
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Oh, tattoos, huh?

==The House That Gave Sucky Tricks==
*'''Strong Mad''': THIS HALLOWEEN'S NOT WORKING!
*'''Strong Bad''': Boy, you said it, Strong Mad. This is the lamest haunted house ever. My pants haven't entertained the thought of peeing themselves even once.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Scary shoes!
*'''Strong Bad''': Really? Spooky shoes?
*'''Homestar Runner''': No, no. Scary shoes. Spooky shoes are the next room.
*'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, your haunted house is even worse than normal this year. You ever think of using any actual Halloween decorations?
*'''Homestar Runner''': No, Marzipan only let me use stuff from the Goodwill donations pile. Incomplete jigsaw puzzle! [throws it towards them, scaring The Cheat]
*'''Strong Bad''': This place is a disgrace to haunted houses, haunted hovels, haunted timeshares, and haunted extended stay motels even.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Then there would be... the gross out room. But instead of severed limbs, and surgeries gone wrong, it's just a silent white room filled with pure stench. And, oh, ho, ho. What a stench it is! Let me lay it on you like a movie trailer: Strong Mad! Oyster! Smoothie! Breath! Caked! Armpit! Latte!
*'''Marzipan''': Strong Bad, you know those words in that sequence are illegal.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': There'd also be one of those [[W:Escape room|immersive horror experience rooms]] that are so popular these days.
*'''Strong Sad''': OK. Gotta logic this out. Open the vault… before time runs out. Skeleton's pointing at a clue. Am I on the right track?
*'''Strong Bad''': [watching on [[W:CCTV|CCTV]]] Yup, just, just reach in the toilet. I just want you to reach in the toilet.
*'''Strong Sad''': It's pointing at the toilet.
*'''Strong Bad''': It's full of poop.
*'''Strong Sad''': But that's just misdirection.
*'''Strong Bad''': I just want you to touch the poop.
*'''Strong Sad''': They want me to think I should reach in the toilet.
*'''Strong Bad''': No! I do want you to reach in the toilet! That is all that I want you to do!
*'''Strong Sad''': It's too easy.
*'''Strong Bad''': Touch the poop!
*'''Strong Sad''': But I know better!
*'''Strong Bad''': Touch the freakin' poop!!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Nowadays, everybody's tired of the same old [[W:evil clown|evil clowns]], undead cheerleaders, and all those bloody-eyed [[W:found footage genre|found footage]] children. But for my haunted house, I will unleash an entirely new horror icon! Say hello to the new face of terror: LARGE BEAN!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
When nights are chill and filled with doom, &lt;br&gt; again will rise the cursed legume. &lt;br&gt; So if you're out on Hallowe'en, &lt;br&gt;  beware the wrath of Largest Bean!
*Poem narrated at the end of the short

==Halloween Hijinks==
*'''Coach Z''': Aaah... I'm getting too old for hijinks. And the last time I attempted even medium jinks, I t'rew out my torn rubdominal scrimmage.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Commercial narrator''': If you've suffered a torn rubdominal scrimmage, Halloween jinx don't need to be a thing of the past.
*'''Coach Z''': They don't?
*'''Narrator:''' Lowjinxerol is specially formulated to treat creepy middle-aged ailments, so you'll stop talking about them in public.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Night Watchman Coach Z''': Slow night at City Hall, eh, fellow night watchman?
*'''Night Watchman Bubs''': That establishes our location and humdrum routine.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Teenage Homestar''': Stand down, local law enforcement; [[Scooby-Doo|group of random teens]] is here.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Night Watchman Bubs''': When we rushed in here, the mysterious silhouette had vanished.
*'''Teenage Strong Bad''' Oh, great. [[#High school (140)|Another fanatical mysterious believer]].

==Toikey TV==
[[File:DeepFriedTurkey.jpg|thumb|Don’t be a jerky, fry that turkey!]]
*'''The King of Town''': Hello! I'ma King-a Town, here with an important message about Thanksgiving safety! Specifically, the dangers of not [[W:fried turkey|frying a turkey]]! Each year thousands of families suffer from not fried turkeys. So please, this Thanksgiving, “don't be a jerky, fry that turkey!”
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Marzipan''': All right, all you turkey liberators out there. Here's how we make Marzipan's Famous Thanksgiving [[W:turducken|Faux-ducken]]. Now stuff [[W:millet|millet]] inside of [[W:bulgur|bulgur]], inside of [[W:meat analogue|meatless veggie nuggets]], inside of [[W:tempeh|tempeh]], injected into [[W:bean curd|bean curd]], wrapped in fakin bacon, and baked inside a pair of [[W:hemp|hemp]] toddler pants.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Bubs''': Attention, holiday shoppers! [[W:Black Friday (shopping)|Bubs Friday]] starts Thursday! Doors open at 2 AM! Shoving and trampling starts promptly at 2:05, followed by tear gas and riot police at 2:15. Come on, moms! You know you want to beat each other up over some stupid kids' toy! And if you draw blood, you just might make it onto this year's edition of Mommy Fights!

==The Homestar Runner Enters the Spooky Woods==
*'''Strong Bad''': Everybody loves The Homestar Runner. He is an athletic terrife.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': Oh no! I [[Wiktionary:give up the ghost|gave up the ghost]]!
*'''Storybook Strong Sad''': You'll stay that way unless you enter the spooky woods and face your 3 fears before the [[W:witching hour|witching hour]]!
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Quothed Lord High Plotlayer.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': I, gulp, guess, gulpo, I'm on, gulpamundo, my own, Gulp Fantasy 2000.
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Tedioused The Homestar Runner at great risk to the listenability of the story.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Storybook Strong Bad''': All types of drat!
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating]  Said Strong Bad, coining an awesome new phrase that will endure throughout the ages.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Storybook Strong Bad''': All types of drat!
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating]  Repeated Strong Bad, flirting with oversaturating the market with his new phrase too soon.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': OH NO!! My final fear!! A half-decomposed raccoon being carried around by a family of wet pigeons!! [cut to a disgustingly detailed illustration of just that]
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating]  Said the Homestar Runner… in a ''children's'' ''book''. 
*'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': Awww, but look. The gross wet pigeons think Strong Bad's ping-pong ball is an egg! They're gonna hatch it! ''They were just as gulp of me, as I was gulp of them!''
*'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Said the Homestar Runner, really shoe-horning some kind of half-baked moral into this thing.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Join us next week, children, when we read &quot;Strong Bad's Ghost Enters The Homestar Runner, Thereby Possessing Him Demonically&quot;.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': [dressed as ''[[The Wall]]''] [[Syd Barrett|SYD BARRETT]]!
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, sorry, big guy. He wasn't in the band when they made that album.
*'''Strong Mad''': UH... [[W:The Dark Side of the Rainbow|WIZARD OF OZ]]!!
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, nope, wrong album there too.
*'''Strong Mad''': MY BODY'S A REALLY HARD SHAPE TO MAKE COSTUMES FOR!

==Where My Hat Is At? (toon)==
'''Homestar Runner''': If there's two things I know about the Homestar Runner, it's that everybody loves the him and he's a terrific athlete.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Marzipan''': Hey, where's your hat, Homestar?
*'''Homestar Runner''': : I'm sorry, I couldn't understand what you just said.
*'''Marzipan''': I said, &quot;Where's your hat?&quot;
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Yeah, you're not even speaking English at this point.
*'''Marzipan''': [sighs] I mean, ''where your hat is at'', Homestar?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Coach Z''': Well, it's like I always say. A man's uniform is like a temple, wherein he keeps his… uniform when he's not using it.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Um, are you suggesting that my hat is inside my hat?
*'''Coach Z''': No, I'm suggesting that—
*'''Homestar Runner''': Well good, 'cause I already looked and it's not there.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''':  I found my hat just in time to score the winning run.
*'''Umpire''': Uh, no, actually it's the bottom of the second, your team's down by 94 points, and you just illegally ran onto the field!
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Get this, it was between the milk and the Cold Ones!
*'''Umpire''':  Yeah, yeah, you need to head back to the dugout before I toss you out of here, buster!
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Man, Mr. Umpire, you sure have a funny way of pronouncing “Homestar Runner's team wins!”
*'''Umpire''':  Yeah, you're suspended from the league.

==Homestarloween Party==
[[File:1971 AMC Gremlin AMO 2015 show - all original 1of6.jpg|thumb| And... the goblin, he had a [[W:AMC Gremlin|Gremlin]]!]]
*'''Homestar Runner''': Umm... okay! Once, there was this green gobliiiin... and um, he used to... look aroooound... And um, I guess he did a daaance. Oh man, that was terrible.
*'''Bubs''': And... the goblin, he had a [[W:AMC Gremlin|Gremlin]]! And he jacked it up on some fat tires, and uh, and he tuned it up on some 4.11 [[W:Positraction|positrak]] out back, 750 double pumper, [[W:Edelbrock|Edelbrock]] intake, bore over 30, 11-to-1 pop-up pistons turbo jets 390 horsepower! I mean, he had some freakin' muscle!

==The Luau==
'''Strong Bad''': Oh man you guys, this party's gonna be crazy-go-nuts! 
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
* [the wood for Strong Bad’s bonfire isn’t lighting]
*'''Homestar Runner''': Uh-oh. You didn't get it from behind the gazebo, did you?
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, why?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Well, it all started when I decided to drink 32 glasses of melonade...

==Fish Eye Lens==
*'''Coach Z''':  Strong Bad! Strong Bad, wake up!
*'''Strong Bad''': Ah graibes... ...Blackthorne... bougleibes...
*'''Coach Z''': The people need your help!
*'''Strong Bad''': Wait, the who?
*'''Coach Z''':  I mean the pyorple!—
*'''Strong Bad''': There you go!
*'''Coach Z''': They need your help! It's been too long since they had a number one jam. They been scrapin' dope rhymes up off the kitchen floor, just to ''survive!''
*'''Strong Bad''': Another number one jam? All right, I'll do it. ...For the pyorple.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Things are about to get... BULBOUS.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Man, fisheye lens, I bet you could make even lame stuff look cool!
*'''Coach Z''': Yeah, yeah!
*'''Strong Bad''': What about ''tax papers?''
*'''Coach Z''': Oh, look at how cool those papes look! How about a pair of ''tan paaaaants?!''
*'''Strong Bad''': Ooooh! Somebody say ''country dish towel?!''

==A Folky Tale==
*'''Strong Sad''': Coach Z, ropes are for dopes.
*'''Coach Z''': What's that jargle? [[Religious text|Scripture]]? You quotin' Scripture?
*'''Strong Sad''': No, it's a quote from Saddy Dumpington, the legendary folk hero I made up.
*'''Coach Z''': Sounds kinda like a [[Toilet|terlet]] [sic] if ya ask me.

==2022 Costume Pack Available==
*''[Pom Pom is dressed as [[W:Time for Timer|Timer]]]''
*'''Homestar Runner''': Hey, Pom Pom, I really like your [[W:Twinkie the Kid|Twinkie the Kid]] ate too many Twinkies as a kid costume!
*'''King of Town''': More like, I hanker for a hunka cheese council propaganda!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*''[Strong Mad is dressed as Sam, the [[W:Operation (game)|Operation]] guy. He was [[W:Slim Goodbody|Slim Goodbody]] in [[#Homestarloween Party|the previous version of the toon]]]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Strong Mad, how come both your costumes in this cartoon gotta be like, ''medically naked?''
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*''[Homestar Runner is dressed as [[Monty Python and the Holy Grail|the Black Knight]]]''
*'''Strong Bad''': Alright, Homestar, let's get this over with. Just say the line.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Ahem... [[Monty Python and the Holy Grail#The black knight|It's just a fwesh wound]].
*'''Strong Bad''': Did you say &quot;Fresh wound&quot;?
*'''Homestar Runner''': No, I said “fwesh wound”.
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, that's not the right quote, “it's just a ''flesh'' wound”.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah yeah, that's what I said,”fwesh wound”
*'''Strong Bad''' Uh, alright, let me hear you say &quot;in the flesh&quot;.
*'''Homestar Runner''': You mean like, ''medically naked?''
*'''Strong Bad''': No, just say the expression! ''&quot;In the flesh&quot;''.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Okay. ''In person''.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': King of Town, are you simultaneously the [[W:Quaker Oats|Quaker Oats]] guy and [[W:Wilford Brimley|Wilford Brimley]]?
*'''King of Town''': Wilford Brimley ''was'' the Quaker Oats guy!
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, but he didn't dress like a [[Quakers|Quaker]], he just was like, the pitchman, standing in a kitchen, making breakfast.
*'''Homestar Runner''': No no, I'm with the King on this one. Wilford Brimley would hatch from his cocoon, covered in oatmeal, and then say his famous catchphrase.
*'''King of Town''': [[W:Diabeetus|Di-a-betus!]]

==Which Ween Costumes?==
*'''Strong Bad''':  Uh, why does this feel... weird?
*'''Homestar Runner''': What are you talking about? We stand around in the snow dressed in Decemberween-themed costumes every year. It's our thing! It's what we do!
*'''Strong Bad''':  Are you sure? I think we may have gotten our... &quot;weens&quot; crossed.
*'''Strong Sad''':  ''Can you please never say that again?''

==On Break==
* ''[Strong Bad is “smoking”, loudly]''
*'''Coach Z''': Well, hey there, fellow mascot! I didn't know you was the smokin' type!
*'''Strong Bad''': Shh! I'm not! But Bubs only gives me one of each kind of break. I've already used pee, coffee, and maternity leave today. And this is a white crayon.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': What is up, my fellow sweat factories?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
*'''Homestar Runner''': Man, what ''is'' that smell?
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, Homestar, we're three grown men working in mascot costumes in the dead of summer! What ''isn't'' that smell?

==Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon==
*'''Strong Bad''': Once we get our hands on Bubs's fundraiser candy bars, our troubles will be over! We can retire, maybe get a little place in Strong Badia, I dunno. All right, remember the drill: go straight for the crispy crackly ones. Don't waste your time on them plain ol' chocolates. Those things are fool's gold!

==The Homestar Runner Goes For The Gold==
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, man, Strong Bad. You're not gonna believe this thing! Wait 'till you see this thing! This thing is gonna change your life! Blow your mind! Wipe your nose!
*'''Strong Bad''': Then shut the dang up and let's see it already!
*'''Homestar Runner''':  Okay. Okay. Um... It's, um... It's right... Um...
*'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, did you ramble on so long that you forgot what you were gonna show me?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Um, no. And furthermore, no. It was this... squeakburger! [squeezes it] Burger burger!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': &quot;The Homestar Runner and the Bathyscaphe: A Lurid Tale of Underwater Intrigue and Underwater Pants&quot;.
*'''Strong Bad''': Uh, maybe I should read it. &quot;The Homestar Runner and the Brothers Strong&quot;. A.K.A. &quot;Homestar Runner Goes for the Gold&quot;. A.K.A. &quot;old glue turns gross and brown if you let it sit for 20 years&quot;.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Wait, what? You get a freakin' submarine and all’s I get is a fish crammed through my head?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, you know, standard collegiate swimming rules. Very standard.

==A Decemberween Pageant==
*'''Bubs (as Dr. Christmas)''': Archibald! We've got to find the first Decemberween!
*'''Strong Bad (as Archibald)''': I'll search down by the docks.
*'''Bubs''': [whispering] What?
*'''Strong Bad''': The docks. I'll search down by the docks.
*'''Bubs''': [whispering] Ooh. I thought you said ducks. [normally] Good thinking! I'll come with ya.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Bubs/Dr. Christmas''': We'll need fifty bags of jold! I mean, gold! Fifty bag of golds [sic].
*'''Homestar Runner (as The King of Town)''': I just can't do it, Dr. Christmas. Famine has ruined all the town's gold.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad/Archibald''': How unfortunate! Oh, what a terrible fate has bestowed with me... uh, become to me... There's a squid.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Marzipan (as the Angel)''': I'll never forget you, Popular Vote! Not in a million years! [The Cheat cries] Don't cry. Popular Votes aren't supposed to cry! You might rust. [audience laughs]
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad/Archibald''': [singing] Everyone's searching, looking and searching...
*'''Marzipan/the Angel''': [singing] And everyone's hanging around!
*'''Bubs/Dr. Christmas''': [singing] And who can be sure if we're looking for something?
*'''Homestar Runner/The King of Town''': [singing] And looking for something I am!

==Front Facing/The Name Of This Cartoon Would Ruin It/Front-Facing Homestar==
*'''Strong Bad''': We're not selling snowballs, The Cheat. We're selling destiny!

==The System is Down==
*'''Homestar Runner''': Ummmm... what's going on here? What happened to my website?
*'''Strong Bad''': The system is down, yo.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Ohh... the system... Right, right.
*'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, I think too many people tried to log on. Uh... sorry about that.
*'''Homestar Runner''': What are you sorry for? It's my website.
*'''Strong Bad''': Um... I don't think they're coming to see you, Homestar.
*'''Homestar Runner''': What, you think everybody's logging on to watch &quot;[[#Tape-leg (19)|tape-leg]]&quot;? Yeah, that's a good one.
*'''Strong Bad''': Hey, shut up! The tape-leg is cool.

==Pumpkin Carve-nival==
[[File:FrenchMarketPumpkinsB.jpg|thumb|Are you supposed to be dressed up as some kind of a witches' brew?]]
*'''Homestar Runner''': All right, Coach, whadaya got for me?
*'''Coach Z''': Check it out, yo!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Cool, a W. What's that supposed to stand for? “Witches' brew”?
*'''Coach Z''': No, no, no, it stands for tha [[Wu-Tang Clan|Wu-Tang]]!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Coach Z, are you a poser?
*'''Coach Z''': Nah, man, I'm down.
*'''Homestar Runner''': “Down” with second to last place.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Whatcha got here, Marzipan?
*'''Marzipan''': I didn't want to kill mine, so I just left it on the vine.
*'''Homestar Runner''': What for? So you could, like, use it in a witches' brew or something?
*'''Marzipan''': Um, I don't know what that means. Anyway, I wrote a song about it: “I left it on the vine, I left it on the line”, I mean, “I left it on—“
*'''Homestar Runner''': Not necessary! Last place! Ding!
*'''Marzipan''': Homestar, I'm breaking up with you.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*''[Strong Bad is dressed as a bee]''
*'''Homestar Runner''': Hey Strong Bad. So, um, are you supposed to be the [[W:Green Hornet|Green Hornet]]?
*'''Strong Bad''': What?! No!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, right, right, you're supposed to be the um, the witches' brew.
*'''Strong Bad''': No! I'm ''the bee!'' Like, from nature.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Psst! Um, hey The Cheat—
*'''The Cheat''': Hm?
*'''Homestar Runner''': I had a really important question I want to ask you about your costume. Are you supposed to be dressed up as some kind of a witches' brew?
*'''The Cheat''': [dismissive The Cheat noises]
*'''Homestar Runner''': Wait, wait, I had another question I wanted to ask you. It's not about witches' brew. ...Okay, it's about witches' brew, but just hear me out.

==Decemberween Short Shorts==
*'''Strong Bad''': Dear Tube Socks, It's me again. I hope you had a good year. Free of athletes' feet and toe jams. Lemme cut to the chase. On Decemberween morning, when I open you guys up, you're going to hear...things. Hurtful things. Unforgivable things. Things like, [groans], and, “Oh, ''maaan!''”, and “This present of tube socks totally sucks and I hate it!” Don't you believe a word of it, Tube Socks. I love you guys. I don't know what I'd do without my yearly pair. But a guy's gotta keep up appearances, right? If peoples found out I have a soft spot for tube socks, it'd be all over. It took me years to live down that [[Martina Navratilova]] poster, and I will not go down that road again. We can be secret friends. Like that hunchback kid at school. In closing, please disregard any and all negative comments or negative burning you may hear or experience on Decemberween. Stealthily Yours, Strong Bad.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
*'''Rumble Red''': Earthling, explain to me this pile of rotten rodentia...rumble.
*'''The Homestar Runner''': It's Decemberween, Rumble Red. The most sanitary time of year. When everyone piles up all the dead rats they've a-cooma-lated throughout the year.

==Coach Z’s 110%==
*'''Strong Sad''': Sports and practice! Sports and practice! Oh, hash potatoes! I'll never be the number-one pick!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': Hustle for sports!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Coach Z''': My whole deal's backed up by actual scientific findings— and this rotating computer graphic, so you ''know'' it's legit!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
* '''Reporter''': Homestar Runner, you just won the sports, how you diddat?
*'''Homestar Runner''': Well, we just brought our “A” game, you know? Everybody stepped it up out there, and then we stayed within ourselves, and decided that it would be a good strategy to try and score more points than our opponents within the allotted time. [holds up Coach Z's video] Thanks, Coach Z's 110% Hustle for Sports Instructional Video!

==Hremail 62==
*'''Homestar Runner''': First up on our tour, is this brellow [[W:Crayon|crown]]! [sic] And what a rich history it has! It dates all the way back to this one time.
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': My brellow crown [sic] is instrumental in the drawing of buttered toast, not quite hornets, and the sun, with a [[W:afro (hairstyle)|'fro]].

==Decemberweenvent Calendar==
*'''Strong Bad''': I can't look at it right now, I told you!
*'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises]
*'''Strong Bad''': A football is wearing my pants!
*'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises]
*'''Strong Bad''': I don't know, The Cheat!
*'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises]
*'''Strong Bad''': Yes, I am ''also'' wearing them! That's what's freakin' me out!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Homestar Runner''': I got a good feeling about this one, Strong Bad.
*'''Strong Bad''':  Great. And now I have a ''bad'' feeling about this one.

== Homestar Runner Distraction Pack for Walkabout Mini-Golf Teaser==
*'''Strong Bad''':  All right, Bubs, you sure these shady black market [[w:Virtual reality headset|VR headsets]] are fully [[w:Software cracking|cracked]]?
*'''Bubs''': Not anymore! That's what all the duct tape's for!
*'''Strong Bad''':  No, I mean so we can play [[w:Video game piracy|pirated games]] on 'em!
*'''Homestar Runner''': Ooh, I love [[Piracy|pirate]] games. I wanna play pirate games, [[Vampires|vampire]] games, [[Werewolves|werewolf]] games, all the munster [sic] food groups!
*'''Strong Bad''':  No, I'm not talking about pirates, Homestar.
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, I can [[w:International Talk Like a Pirate Day|talk like a pirate!]] Aouu! Aouu!
*'''Strong Bad''': Are you trying to say &quot;Arrr&quot;?
*'''Coach Z''': I can help with that! Oarr! Oarrrr! I'm a poirate! [sic]
*'''Homestar Runner''': Oh yeah! Pirates always have [[w:Parrot|poirots]]. [sic] [using a paper bag puppet] &quot;Ka-caw! Polly want a cracker!&quot;
*'''Strong Bad''': All right! Everybody shut up forever!
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt;
*'''Strong Bad''': Can we please just log on? Or jack in? Or... cyber-prance... into VR?
&lt;Hr width=“50% “/&gt; 
*'''Strong Bad''': I can't wait to play all the most violent video games. I heard everybody explodes ''twice'' in VR! One in each eyeball!

==See also==
*[[Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People]]
*[[The Brothers Chaps]]
==External links==
[http://Homestarrunner.com Official website]
{{Wikipedia}}
==Notes==

[[Category:American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Homestar Runner]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown</title>
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'''''[[w:You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown|You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown]]''''' (1972) is the eighth [[w:Prime time|prime-time]] animated [[w:Television special|television special]] produced based upon the comic strip ''[[w:Peanuts|Peanuts]]'', by [[w:Charles M. Schulz|Charles M. Schulz]], and the 10th one to air. It originally aired on the [[w:CBS|CBS]] network on CBS on October 29th, 1972, nine days before the [[w:1972 United States presidential election|1972 United States presidential election]] between incumbent [[w:Richard Nixon|Richard Nixon]] and [[w:United States Senate|Senator]] [[w:George McGovern|George McGovern]]. It was the first new Peanuts special to air since the spring of 1971. 

== Dialogue ==
:'''Lucy''': If my brother Linus were running for student body president, would you vote for him?
:'''Boy 2''': You bet!
:'''Boy 3''': How can I help it?
:'''Boy 4''': Linus all the way!
:'''Lucy''': If you knew that Linus van Pelt were running for president, would you vote for him?
:'''Russell''': No.
:'''Lucy''': If you knew that he was going to straighten out the whole educational system, would you vote for him?
:'''Russell''': No.
:'''Lucy''': If you knew that he was going to solve all the problems of the whole world, would you vote for him?
:'''Russell''': No.
:'''Lucy''': Well, why not?
:'''Russell''': Cause I'm the one who'd be running against him. 

&lt;hr width&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucy''': ''[to Charlie Brown]'' We have it cold, Charlie Brown. (If he does not say anything stupid, we can't lose.) 
:'''Linus''': And as a change of pace, rather than campaign talk, I've decided to say a few words about the Great Pumpkin.
:'''Charlie Brown and Lucy''': ''[screaming]'' '''AAUGH!'''
:'''Linus''': Halloween will soon be with us. And on Halloween night, the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch and brings toys to all the good little children. 
:''[The audience of kids laugh at his speech]'' 
:'''Linus''': I've blown the election. 
:''[The scene cuts to the front of the school. Lucy --angrily-- thinks for a few moments.]''
:'''Linus''': All right, say it. Say it. Go ahead and say it. I know you want to say it. I have talked too much. Now I have blown the election. So go ahead and say it.
:'''Lucy''': '''OH, YOU BLOCKHEAD!'''
:''[Lucy says this, completed with her nose in Linus's. Then she walks away.]'' 
:'''Linus''': She said it!
:''[The scene cuts to Linus and Lucy --and they are with the rest of the group.]''
:'''Lucy''': The way I see it, we still have a chance. My personal poll now shows you and Russell tied at 50-50. ''[turns to Linus]'' If you don't do some other stupid thing, we might still pull it out of the bag.
:'''Linus''': It's depressing to think that there are students who don't believe in the Great Pumpkin.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=0069525|title=You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown}}

[[Category:1972 animated films]]
[[Category:1972 American animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Peanuts TV specials]]
[[Category:Television programs based on comics]]
[[Category:CBS shows]]
[[Category:ABC shows]]
[[Category:Films directed by Bill Melendez]]</text>
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    <title>The Adventures of Lolo the Penguin</title>
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'''''{{W|The Adventures of Lolo the Penguin}}''''' is a 1986 Russian-Japanese animated film.
==Dialogue==
:''[Then we see footage of Antarctica at night with the camera panning right, we see a narrator speaking about it]''
:'''Narrator''': Although it is yet very cold, it's springtime here in Antarctica. This is a land of grand beauty, nowhere is the air clearer or the scenery more beautiful. But the Antarctic can also be a harsh and dangerous place.
:''[Scene fades to a picture of Scamper]''
:'''Narrator''': It's not always easy for the fascinating animals that live here to survive. This is a story by one of these creatures, ''[The scene begins to zoom out]'' an Adelie penguin named Scamper. But to warn the entire tale of Scamper's adventure, we need to go back to last spring even before Scamper was born.
:''[The scene cuts to Antarctica in the daytime, and the scene is also panning to the right]''
:'''Narrator''': For the penguins, that year was like many other years. The long dark winter was past.
:''[Here they come, splashing through the water with seafood in their bellies, and the instinct of coming home surging through their veins. Then they jump out of the water, with their feet landing on the ice cold, snowy land of their home]''
:'''Narrator''': And now, they fatten themselves up with the food of the sea, getting ready for the most reluctant event of the year; nesting season! In a ritual and tradition as old as time, the males of the penguin village set out to build nests while the females waited nearby in the ocean. The males and females divide up the work of raising the young.
:''[We get five more seconds of them marching]''
:'''Narrator''': Scamper's father is named Gilbert, that's him there in the front of the line.
:''[Then it cuts to them making their nests]''
:'''Narrator''': Each male penguin makes a nest of rocks for his mate. But, sometimes it seems like there are not quite enough rocks to go around...
:''[But these penguins, they want to make the best they can, where they even steal materials from other penguins, if they can get away with it]''
:'''Narrator''': Scamper's mother is named Gracie. She and the rest of the females from the village were emotional and couldn't wait to see if the nests were done.
:''[The father penguins spot them and stop to say hello. The mother penguins do the same, and they waddle over to see the magnificent nests the father penguins have constructed. One such mother penguin is especially emotional to see what her husband has created. Her name is Gracie. Her back, the back of her fins, her face and her irises are colored blue. She waves towards her husband]''
:'''Gracie''': Hi, boys, we're back!
:''[Gracie is colored blackish-blue, and just like the other father penguins, he has fur on his chest as opposed to the many feathers covering his body. She walks over and they embrace each other with a hug]''
:'''Gilbert''': I've missed you so much.
:''[Then she eyes the nest and is proud of her husband's work]''
:'''Gracie''': What a beautiful nest you made for us, Gilbert.
:'''Gilbert''': Yes, well, I think our family should have the very best.
:''[Then the penguin couples sleep together through the night, knowing it won't be long until they will conceal their offspring]''
:'''Narrator''': The penguin couples cuddled together in their new nests. It wasn't long until Gracie had laid two beautiful eggs that would soon hatch into healthy penguin chicks. Now she would return to the ocean and replenish her body.
:'''Gracie''': I'd better go eat something.
:'''Gilbert''': Nice idea.
:'''Gracie''': You'll protect the eggs, won't you?
:'''Gilbert''': Of course. Now go and eat something.
:'''Mrs. Graybeak''': Take best care of our eggs, guys!
:'''Gracie''': Farewell, we'll be back soon!
:''[The mother penguins say their farewells and head out to sea, but before she follows, Gracie sees a flock of skuas perched on a nearby mountain, waiting for the perfect moment to get a decent meal, no doubt]''
:'''Gracie''': And Gilbert, please, watch out for the seagulls! They'd love to eat our eggs if they ever had the chance!
:'''Gilbert''': Don't worry about a fact! You know that I'll guard our eggs with my life.
:''[The father penguins try their best to protect the eggs, but there are many obstacles along the road, such as the giant fierce snowstorms; fierce winds blowing snow all over the place]''
:'''Narrator''': And then, the male penguins settled onto their nests to begin the job of incubating the eggs, protecting them and keeping them warm where that they would soon hatch. It would be 40 days before the females returned, the males' task of staying with the eggs was not an easy one. They often endured horrible conditions during this part of the breeding process.
:''[The penguins try to fight the fierce winds, but they just aren't strong enough to keep silent against the overwhelming power of the wind. They will also be covered in the snow that comes along with the winds, after all, it isn't called a snowstorm for nothing. Then the storm clears and everything is peaceful. Then the penguins begin to stand up and wipe the snow away from their bodies. They check on each other to see if they're alright. Gilbert checks in with his two friends, the Graybeaks. Graybeak is taller than Gilbert and he has a more grayish-blue color to him. Mr. Graybeak is shorter than Gilbert, and is colored grayish-purple]''
:'''Gilbert''': Hello there, neighbor! Some storm! You alright?
:'''Graybeak''': Oh, I'm hungry. I wish they'd all go to the sea and eat, then let's go!
:'''Mr. Graybeak''': We've been sitting here on these eggs a very long time!
:'''Gilbert''': We said we'd stay here. The seagulls are yet around.
:''[They know it's true. If they are to leave the nest, the skuas will try to take their eggs]''
:'''Narrator''': More time passed, and although the male penguins had their best intentions, hunger soon began to get the better of them. One by one, some of them began to desert their nest. The thought of the nice food that awaited them in the ocean was too much to exist.
:''[Sure enough, however, being overcome by the pain of starvation, some, if not most of the father penguins get up and leave for the sea, leaving their nests wide open. Gilbert notices this, and being the strong, brave leader he is, orders the penguins to come back]''
:'''Gilbert''': Hey, come back here!
:'''Mr. Graybeak''': Keep an eye on our eggs!
:'''Gilbert''': '''''HEY, COME BACK HERE! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!! I CAN'T WATCH ALL THESE EGGS AT ONCE, GET BACK HERE!!!'''''
:''[The scene cuts to the skuas flying towards the eggs]''
:'''Gilbert''': Oh, I knew as soon as they left, the birds would attack!
:''[And they are. The skuas have eventually found the right moment to strike. They begin to swoop down and snatch up the eggs. One of the skuas takes an egg from Gilbert's nest while he is distracted, and he runs over to protect the one that remained. Then a skua lands on one of the neighboring nests, and looks Gilbert squarely in the eyes, daring him to come and save the little egg that sits there in the nest. Then Gilbert sees a lonely rock on the ground and he picks it up. Then he throws it at the skua which knocks it back, allowing for him to catch the egg and hurry back to his spot. Now, he has two eggs again, but one of them doesn't belong to him]''
:'''Gilbert''': Oh, at least I ended up with two eggs!
:''[Then the skuas fly away, knowing that they have accomplished their goal. They have all the eggs they need. Gilbert looks upon the scene, disheartened by the chaos that have settled itself upon the many nests]''
:'''Narrator''': As the females returned, there was grand despair at the destruction caused by the seagulls. But there was no disgrace for the nest of Gilbert and Gracie.
:''[Gilbert and Gracie are lucky to have both their eggs in one place]''
:'''Gracie''': Look, Gilbert. You were so brave, you protected our eggs!
:''[The two look behind them and sees that Mrs. Graybeak is a total wreck over the loss of both her eggs. She is colored a purplish-pink, but she has lots of tears of misery in her eyes as she sobs]''
:'''Mrs. Graybeak''': Oh, how could you let this happen? You were supposed to stay with our nests!
:'''Mr. Graybeak''': I'm sorry, darling. Please try to calm down.
:''[Gilbert knows he will have to confess the truth to Gracie and return the egg he protected to its rightful owner]''
:'''Gilbert''': Gracie, I can't warn a lie. I'm sorry, one of our eggs was taken by seagulls.
:''[Then he grabs both eggs because he isn't sure which one is theirs, and which one is the one he shall return. He runs over to the family, with Gracie following behind]''
:'''Gilbert''': Maybe one of these eggs belongs to you.
:''[Gracie grabs the one in his left fin, leaving the one in his right, which is the right one]''
:'''Mrs. Graybeak''': You really mean you saved one of our eggs? Look, darling, we can yet have a baby chick!
:'''Mr. Graybeak''': Oh, this is wonderful. Thank you both very much!
:''[Gilbert looks over at Gracie, who is cradling the egg within her fins, and Gilbert consoles her]''
:'''Gilbert''': There, there. I know it was a big sacrifice. But I wish they would be just as honest with us!
:''[The next day, the baby penguins are due to be born. The fathers need to rest, as well, and now, it’s their turn to go to sea, looking for food. Meanwhile, the mothers rest in their nests. Gracie is in her nest, taking a nap with the egg, cuddled under her breast. Then, the unthinkable happens––the egg was hatching. Out from the cracks at the bottom, bursts two little feet, and it pushes itself out from underneath Gracie’s breast, which awakens her. Then the egg rolls around, and the bottom half breaks apart, revealing the bottom half of the little chick inside it. Its belly is colored tan, opposed to the white bellies and chests of adult Adelie penguins. Its back is also blue, like Gracie, and it has a cute, tiny penguin tail. It stumbles about, and even at times trips over itself. Gracie coos at the sight of her newborn baby. Then the little fellow tries to get the top half off. He almost succeeds the first time, but then it falls back on top of him. Then he tries again, facing backwards, and then he topples and lands on his front. He has little furs on his chest, just like the other males, he also has a blue-colored head, except for his cheeks and chin, which are white. Then the egg comes back toppling, and then gets stuck to his butt, which he pushes against and gets himself out of. Then he begins to stumble around, trying to find his footing, until he eventually lands on his bum. Scamper looks up at his mother with his shining blue eyes. Gracie picks up her newborn baby boy to see him up close]''
:'''Gracie''': Well...hello, my darling. Will you just look at you? Look how precious you are! Oh. Oh, my! You're a perfect child.
:'''Scamper''': ''[peep peep peep]''
:'''Gracie''': My, my!
:''[Then she sees Gilbert coming over]''
:'''Gracie''': Gilbert! Come and see your new son!
:''[Little Scamper looks up to his father, and Gilbert chuckles with joy and pride, as he strokes his son's head]''
:'''Gilbert''': Let's pick out a name. Huh. I have it. We'll call him...Scamper!
:'''Scamper''': Scam-per.
:'''Gracie''': Ah, isn't that a wonderful name?
:'''Gilbert''': Sort of suits him, doesn't it?
:'''Scamper''': Scam-per!
:'''Gracie''': Yes, he likes to scamper around.
:'''Gilbert''': It's alright for you to run around, Scamper. But I don't want you straying too far from home!
:'''Scamper''': Scamper! Scamper!
:''[Then Scamper starts to play around with the snow has he just keeps repeating his name over and over again, without understanding]''
:'''Gilbert''': Now what's gotten into him?
:'''Gracie''': Oh, Gilbert, he's just being a little chick.
:''[Then it cuts to all the penguins with their children, it pans to the right. The scene fades out, but it cuts to the penguins jumping into the water]''
:'''Narrator''': The baby penguins were too little to swim and hunt for food. They relied on their parents to catch their dinner in the bountiful waters of the ocean. This time of year, the penguins ate krill, a small tasty shrimp-like fashion. This nutritious food was plentiful and the adult penguins brought it back to feed to their chicks. While one parent fed the young bird, the other would go off to bring back the next meal.
:''[Now, it's Gilbert's turn to get the next meal, where he leaves Gracie to take care of Scamper]''
:'''Gracie''': Happy hunting, Gilbert!
:'''Narrator''': Like all penguin mothers, Gracie fed Scamper food that she kept for him in their crop. The food was already chewed up, making it easier to swallow in digest.
:''[Scamper wants some more, where he motions that he wants more food]''
:'''Scamper''': More, please?
:'''Gracie''': Wanna bet?
:'''Scamper''': Yes, please!
:'''Gracie''': Don't you think you've had enough for right now, Scamper?
:'''Scamper''': Uh-uh, I can yet eat some more.
:'''Gracie''': C'mon, young man. It's time to run along and play.
:'''Scamper''': Who can I play with?
:'''Gracie''': Perhaps you'll just need to go out and make some friends.
:'''Scamper''': Can I have a snack first, please?
:'''Gracie''': I said, run along!
:''[Then she turns, facing apart from Scamper, with her fins behind her back. Scamper does the same to her, but then, as he turns back and notices his mother isn't taking notice, he runs away. Then he sees a big boulder, and decides to hide behind it. Then Gracie notices that Scamper has ran away]''
:'''Gracie''': Oh, where did he go? Now I've lost him. Scamper! Where is that boy?
:''[Then he notices another penguin walk side-by-side. He is colored gray, and he looks a lot older than either of his parents. His name was Mr. Feather, or as most penguins know him as Mr. Failure because of his age. He just walks around, his fins behind his back, a stride in his step, and his chin held high without a care in the world. Scamper sneaks out from behind the giant rock and begins to follow Mr. Feather’s exact movements. Then, Gracie approaches him]''
:'''Gracie''': Mr. Feather, have you seen my boy Scamper today?
:'''Mr. Feather''': No, I haven't.
:'''Gracie''': But how could he just have disappeared?
:''[To make sure she left, he sneaks out from behind Mr. Feather and runs away again. He comes across another family of penguins, but this family has two little chicks, one a boy, and one a girl. They both are colored a bright gray. The girl's name is Daisy, and the boy's name is Donald. They are asking their mother for more food]''
:'''Daisy''': I want more food!
:'''Donald''': Move-a over!
:''[Scamper has an idea. Perhaps, he can get some more food from their mother. Then he runs up, and gets some food for himself. Daisy and Donald see this and they immediately recognize him]''
:'''Daisy''': Mama, do we have a best brother?
:''[Then Gracie spots Scamper]''
:'''Gracie''': Scamper, there you are! Then you did find your friends. Now, let's go home.
:''[Scamper, in a spot of playfulness, thrusts himself under his mother, and he pokes his little head out from in between his mother's legs. Then Gracie picks him up and walks away. While they are going home, Scamper has a thought racing through his head]''
:'''Scamper''': Mama, how come I don't have any brothers or sisters like everyone else, right? How come, Mama?
:'''Gracie''': It's not just us. Several families have so. Just one chick. There's the Graybeaks.
:''[Then, someone is speaking to Scamper. It is Mrs. Graybeak. The mother of the family that Gilbert saved all these months ago. She, like Scamper’s family, has only one chick. The chick’s name is Snowflake. She, like Scamper, has white cheeks and tan-colored chest, but her back and face are a rose-pink color]''
:'''Mrs. Graybeak''': Gracie, I couldn't help but overhear what you were saying. As you know, we only have one chick and Snowflake needs a playmate.
:'''Scamper''': Mama, who is Snowflake?
:'''Gracie''': You'll find out.
:'''Mrs. Graybeak''': Scamper, I'd like to introduce you to my daughter, Snowflake.
:''[Then Snowflake steps out from behind her mother, looking at Scamper with a shy look in her pink eyes. Scamper is immediately emotional to eventually have a friend]''
:'''Scamper''': No, put me down!
:''[Scamper is set on the ground and then Snowflake retires behind her mother, yet being a little shy, but Scamper doesn't care. He is so emotional to meet her, that he trips and falls while running. Snowflake finds his clumsiness very funny, where she begins to laugh, and Scamper laughs along with her. After Scamper gets up, Snowflake gathers the courage to meet face-to-face, though she yet is a little shy, where she only speaks softly]''
:'''Scamper''': Do you want to be my friend, please?
:''[Snowflake doesn't respond. Instead, she gives only a sly little grin, as she blushes. Incidentally, they touch beaks, and they both nod to each other. They find that as a yes to their friendship, and they begin to celebrate. Then both of them are very happy to be friends]''
:''[Now, every creature has given birth to their offspring. The seals have babies, and even the skuas have their own chicks. At this time, Lolo is in his nest, spending time with his father]''
:'''Scamper''': Papa, warn me about the time you fought the seagulls?
:'''Gilbert''': Well, I was assigned to guard the nests if the seagull suddenly attacked, I had to protect the eggs.
:'''Scamper''': Were you afraid?
:'''Gilbert''': Not a bit, I was too mad. They were trying to steal the eggs that would bring us new baby chicks.
:'''Scamper''': That means you saved my life?
:''[But, before Gilbert is able to respond Scamper's question, they see Graybeak run past them]''
:'''Gilbert''': Where are you going, Graybeak?
:'''Graybeak''': Oh, just look. The seagulls are gathering near the village!
:'''Gilbert''': Alright, you go ahead and see if you can stop them. I'll be along in a moment.
:'''Graybeak''': Hurry up!
:'''Scamper''': I want to come with you.
:'''Gilbert''': No, stay here. And Scamper, don't go anywhere, you hear me?
:''[Scamper just sits there, bored and anxious for his father to return. Then, Mr. Feather strolls up to him, which catches Scamper's attention]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': Huh. Young man, how brilliant and fiber this world must look through your eyes. Look at me, my adventures are passed away if I look at the day, I see only the reflections of lessons I've learned and the world seems routine. But you, you, young man, you have given a fight for gifts! You, you, you must explore the world out there!
:'''Scamper''': But my dad said I'm not supposed to go anywhere.
:'''Mr. Feather''': Of course I'm speaking metaphorically.
:'''Scamper''': Then can I go?
:'''Mr. Feather''': Aha.
:'''Scamper''': Oh, it seems like a nice day to explore.
:'''Mr. Feather''': A nice day? You don't understand me. That is not the point I am trying to make. You should explore with your mind! Use your brain.
:''[Then Mr. Feather walks away, apart from Scamper and his seemingly annoying questions]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': Farewell, lad.
:''[Then Scamper walks out of the nest, with a stride in his step, and emotion gleaming in his eyes. He walks along the snowy land, seeing all the sights. The feel of snow on his feet, the glistening, blue ocean, the clear, blue heavens, everything. He is just wandering around, minding his own business, not noticing the two skuas, watching him from afar on a clifftop. Then he sees a giant mountain, and decides to climb up it. Then Scamper starts to climb the mountain. Even though he slips a couple of times, and sure enough, he makes it to the top]''
:'''Scamper''': Wow!
:''[While looking upon the beautiful landscape, he notices something that looks out of place. It is red, with smaller red and white parts sticking out of it. One of the red facts begins to fly upwards. He wonders if either of these is a human]''
:'''Scamper''': Boy, I guess Mr. Feather was right. It's simple, it's easy! Just go out and explore.
:''[But then, he looks up, and sees the grizzly fate that awaits him. The two skuas are coming straight for him. He ducks down, trying to shake them away, but to no prevail. They are pecking at him and trying to snatch him up with their claws, and until all seems lost for our little hero, suddenly, a giant, red helicopter appears from the heavens and blows the two skuas apart from the little penguin. The two skuas topple down the hill, losing some feathers on the road down. Scamper is safe]''
:'''Scamper''': Hey! Big red bird, come back!
:''[Then he falls from the top of the mountain. After hitting some bumps on the road down, he falls onto his belly and starts to slide the rest of the road down. Then he sees that he is headed for a giant rock. He is sent flying into the air by the rock. Then he comes smashing down as he hits his head on the solid ground, knocking him out, as he lays flat on his back. Gracie is looking everywhere for him]''
:'''Gracie''': Scamper? Scamper! Oh, Mr. Feather, have you seen him?
:'''Mr. Feather''': Uh-uh.
:'''Donald''': I saw––I saw Scamper and he was headed this fashion! Right, Daisy?
:'''Daisy''': Right! But I saw him going that fashion.
:'''Gracie''': Oh, this is horrible! What have I done?
:''[Snowflake sees her searching for Scamper, and she begins to fear for her friend's life, as she begins to softly weep]''
:''[Scamper is yet laying in the snow, his eyes closed, and his body immobile, except for his chest moving up and down, signifying him breathing. Then, he feels a breeze rising up from him. Is he being sniffed? He opens his eyes, and sees the creature that stands before him. It is covered in white, black, brownish-gold fur on the body, with tan-colored fur on the lower half of his legs, and white and black fur on his big, fluffy, curly tail, along with black and white, spiky ears. He has a long muzzle, with a tiny black nose at the end of it, and brown eyes. Then the creature opens its mouth, revealing rows of sharp teeth, along with a long, wet tongue. Scamper darts up in fear, and runs away, kicking up some snow, which ends up on the creature’s face. He shakes it off, and runs after Scamper. Scamper runs as fast as he can from the heavily shivering creature. Then Scamper trips over a rock in the snow, and then he lays silent, allowing the animal to jump above him, to the other side. Scamper accepts his defeat]''
:'''Scamper''': Go away, please don't hurt me!
:''[The creature runs up to him, gets close where they are face-to-face, and he starts to....lick him. The animal licks Scamper’s face until he is standing up. Scamper wipes the slobber from his face]''
:'''Scamper''': Stop this! Who are you?
:''[Apparently, it is a dog, named Cowboy]''
:'''Cowboy''': I'm Cowboy. Let's play!
:'''Scamper''': Do you live around here?
:'''Cowboy''': Oh, of course not. I'm a dog. Look over there!
:''[Cowboy points with his snout towards a group of humans carrying facts out of the helicopter that Scamper saw before. Next to it is a small building-like fashion. It may have been their shelter]''
:'''Cowboy''': I came here with these men. They're scientists and they're working on a special project to study and protect the wildlife here in Antarctica.
:'''Scamper''': If I went out this morning, that big red bird saved me from the seagulls. It's a big red bird lets the men ride. Well, they must be friends!
:'''Cowboy''': Oh, but that's not a big bird. That's a machine called the helicopter. It's the easiest fashion for the men to travel here with their equipment.
:'''Scamper''': You fly on it, as well?
:'''Cowboy''': Sure, it's a lot of fun. You want to fly?
:'''Scamper''': Not now.
:'''Cowboy''': Alright then, would you like a bath?
:'''Scamper''': A bath?
:''[Then, Cowboy gets really emotional and starts licking Scamper again, and it tickles]''
:'''Scamper''': No! Stop this! Stop that! Ha ha ha ha! Stop this!
:''[Then Scamper rolls off and starts to run. Then Cowboy runs in pursuit. But then, Scamper runs into something, and he falls down on his back. He looks up to see what he has run into. It is a human]''
:'''Steele's Musher''': Well, a little baby penguin!
:''[Scamper is yet kinda hesitant of this unique stranger. He slowly backs off, until he bumps into Cowboy]''
:'''Steele's Musher''': Well, you're a long road from home. I see you and Cowboy, our friends. Well, what have we done it, yes? Just rest easy now. You're a cute little fellow.
:''[The three walk together to the penguin village to get Scamper back home safely. All the penguins are looking for Scamper, until they spot, from the top of a hill, a human and his pet dog, and within the human’s arms is a tiny blue penguin: Scamper]''
:'''Steele's Musher''': Alright, time for you to go home.
:''[Steele's musher sets Scamper down on the ground and Scamper turns to say farewell to him. But before Scamper can truly leave, Cowboy walks up to him, willing to say farewell]''
:'''Cowboy''': It was sure nice to meet you. I hope we can play again sometime soon.
:'''Scamper''': Alright, thanks. Farewell, Cowboy!
:''[Then Scamper runs away to see his family. Cowboy walks away to his settlement, but not in that instant. Then he turns back around and heads back to his home. Scamper is emotional to see his father again, where that he may warn him about his little adventure. Gilbert looks at his son with a look of utter disappointment]''
:'''Scamper''': Papa, oh, let me warn you about the incredible adventure I just had!
:'''Gilbert''': Scamper! I believe if I left, I asked you not to run away anywhere. You disobeyed! Now come here!
:''[Scamper's look of joy turns into one of despair and guilt, as he realizes what he has done. He walks over to his father, dragging his feet solemnly]''
:'''Scamper''': I'm sorry.
:''[After this, Scamper is returned to the nest where he is being consoled by his mother]''
:'''Gracie''': Won't you please behave? Your father and I concerned so much while you were gone. Scamper, you're my only little chick. I could never replace you. Please promise me that you'll never run far from home again, Scamper.
:'''Scamper''': I won't.
:''[A single tear rolls down Scamper’s cheek, as he leans against his mother. Little does Lolo know why that promise won’t be kept for long]''
:'''Narrator''': It wasn't too long before the chicks were old enough to go to school. The Antarctic could be a very dangerous place, and there was a lot for the young penguins to learn about safety. Wise old Mr. Feather had plenty to teach them.
:''[Their first class teacher is Mr. Feather, or in this case, Mr. Failure. He teaches the little penguins how to protect themselves from any danger they will encounter]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': Now, that's enough. Calm down. Will you be silent! We have much to do so.
:''[Because he dislikes fun, Mr. Feather shrieks]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': '''''NO LAUGHING!!'''''
:''[All the students gather around the teacher for their lesson]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': Now then, why are you here? Because you needed education. And, that in this case means learning to protect yourselves from danger. Yes. Alright. Look! Your first lesson. You know all seagulls are dangerous.
:''[The penguin chicks look up and gasp at the sight of the horrifying skuas hovering above them]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': Before you were born, they tried to snatch your eggs. Right, but even penguin chicks can be caught by a seagull and taken away into the air! Then protect yourself. Cover your head and lay flat on the ground! Understand? Huh!
:'''Students''': We understand.
:'''Mr. Feather''': Sure. Well, fine! Alright. Look over there! Over there!
:'''Students''': What?
:'''Mr. Feather''': Look closer. That's the dorsal fin of another enemy of the penguins. There's nothing more perilous efficient hunter in all the seas and this one; the murderous whale!
:''[Then the fin disappears, as the giant murderous whale jumps out of the water, causing all of the students to jump back in shock while shrieking]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': He has 40 and 50 sharp teeth, but he could swallow you alive and not even have to use them! Alright, if you please take a look over there at these fat leopard seals.
:'''Scamper''': ''[snickers]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': Don't be laughing! These fat friends must have a mouthful of teeth. They get hungry enough they'll try to eat you!
:'''Scamper''': But Mr. Feather, you're afraid of everything!
:'''Mr. Feather''': Am I now? Well, now. Now, let me see. I'm not afraid of the giant blue whale over there. They have always been a best friend to us penguins. And he's the biggest animal on earth and I'm not afraid of him.
:'''Scamper''': Mr. Feather?
:'''Mr. Feather''': Yes, Scamper?
:'''Scamper''': Are you afraid of that big fact?
:''[He points towards a giant elephant seal]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': Oh, dear. Of course not! It's an elephant seal.
:''[Mr. Feather walks over to the big beast that is currently taking a nap]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': This big lug feet on clam and oysters. They also eat starfish, but they never ever eat penguins. We've had too many feathers for their liking. Alright, now let's take a look at the tooth structure of this beast. Huh? No.
:''[The elephant seal opens its mouth, allowing for Mr. Feather to peek inside]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': Notice the heavy tusks formed from the canine teeth. Huh. This one is female, just shorter and thinner.
:''[But then, the creature snaps its mouth shut, getting Mr. Feather's head stuck inside. The students just laugh]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': Let me out of here!
:''[At last, Mr. Feather gets himself out of the seal's mouth, and he topples back slightly before he finds his footing and walks away. Their next class is with a blue, female penguin named Rosie. She is going to help them on their sliding skills]''
:'''Rosie''': Alright, class, pay attention! If you are learning to slide, you must lean far forward this fashion, should we try?
:''[The students follow along, but one of them incidentally falls over, and the other students laugh at this]''
:'''Rosie''': That was nice, but don't lean too far forward. The next step is to learn to run. Let's go!
:''[They all run behind the teacher, trying to keep up. Scamper has yet to reach the peak of his true speed. Then he speeds up, leaving the classmates behind. At last, he catches up to the teacher]''
:'''Rosie''': Scamper, you're going too fast! Slow down a bit!
:''[Then Rosie grasps Scamper's tail, but even if he is yet trying to run]''
:'''Rosie''': Scamper, calm down!
:''[After that is over, the students gather around a small ice block, which they will learn how to jump and slide on it]''
:'''Rosie''': That was very nice. Now we can go slide on the ice. Bongo, would you like to go first?
:'''Bongo''': Yes.
:'''Rosie''': One, two, three!
:''[On three, Bongo jumps and slides on the ice. The other students cheer him on]''
:'''Rosie''': Very nice! Billy, you're next.
:'''Billy''': Alright, one, two, three!
:''[Now, it is Snowflake's turn, but she is a little hesitant of doing it, if not really afraid. She gets afraid of trying new facts very easily]''
:'''Rosie''': C'mon, Snowflake.
:'''Snowflake''': I'm afraid.
:''[But luckily, Scamper steps in to help]''
:'''Scamper''': C'mon, Snowflake. I'll slide on the ice with you.
:'''Rosie''': Alright, get ready...one, two, three, go!
:''[They both jump and Snowflake lands and slides safely, but Scamper jumps all the road over the ice block. The students find that amazing, and celebrate. Rosie also finds it quite amusing]''
:'''Rosie''': Heavens, must you always show off?
:'''Scamper''': I wasn't really showing off, teacher. I just wanted to show everyone how far I could fly.
:'''Rosie''': Well, that's yet showing off. I want you to be like the other children in the group who know how to behave and follow my instructions. Now, I want you to leave the class for a while. Go, sit down!
:'''Scamper''': Alright, I'll go.
:''[Then Scamper finds the perfect moment to sneak away again. He walks over towards the shore, not too far apart from the class, where he can get a brief look at the ocean]''
:'''Scamper''': The ocean's beautiful!
:''[Scamper has slipped and fallen into the water. He can't swim yet, where he just sinks down. Snowflake notices this and warns the teacher]''
:'''Snowflake''': Look, teacher, Scamper's fallen into the water and sunk!
:'''Rosie''': Oh, my heavens!
:''[Rosie jumps into the water, and comes back up within seconds, carrying Scamper, who is covered from head to toe in ice. He looks like a penguin-sized popsicle, She begins to wipe off the ice from his body]''
:'''Rosie''': Oh, Scamper. Don't be alarmed, children. It's alright. This sort of fact is happened before. There they are. In a moment, he'll be as nice as new.
:''[She sets Scamper down, and he feels really dizzy. Then he falls on his butt, and awakens, and Snowflake helps him up to his feet]''
:''[Now, the students will put all that they have learned to the test, by sliding down a big hill]''
:'''Rosie''': And now, children, who's ready for the big hill?
:'''Scamper''': I'm ready!
:''[As if on cue, he jumps and slides right down the hill. He stands back up, ready to go again]''
:'''Scamper''': Hurry up and slide down, everybody. It's so much fun!
:''[All the penguins slide down the hill, and Scamper runs back up to try again. The only penguin that hasn't jumped yet, is Snowflake. She is being hesitant again]''
:'''Rosie''': C'mon, Snowflake. Don't you want to slide?
:''[She nods, as if to say yes. Then Scamper runs up to her]''
:'''Scamper''': Oh, c'mon, it's fine. I'll slide with you!
:'''Snowflake''': Alright!
:''[Then the two run, jump and slide down the hill, while holding wings]''
:'''Narrator''': And then, the penguin chicks spent their morning working hard practicing their sliding. A skill that they would use for the rest of their lives.
:''[After a long day of hard work and play, it's now silent hour in the kindergarten]''
:'''Narrator''': But before long, it is nap time for the young penguins. The teachers had worked hard too that day and needed their rest as well. Most of the little birds stretched out on the snow and fell sound asleep. Not all the penguins were sleepy, however. Scamper was complete with energy as ever. He wasn't the least bit tired. His spirit of adventure warned him that this was an excellent opportunity to sneak off.
:''[But this time, it seems as though he will present company on his little adventure. Snowflake sees Scamper sneaking away, where she decides to see what he's doing, without warning anyone. As Scamper is just about to turn the corner of an ice chunk, Snowflake bursts up in front of him, and it gives him quite a fright]''
:'''Snowflake''': Scamper, where are you going?
:'''Scamper''': I was going for a walk. Listen, you know the last time I wandered far from home, I found something incredible! Over the mountain, there's this little city. There are dogs and men and all sorts of stuff. You have to see that!
:'''Snowflake''': You mean you take me?
:'''Scamper''': Of course I take you, you're my best friend. C'mon!
:'''Snowflake''': Oh. Really?
:''[Their sneaking around awakens Bongo and Billy, who sees them wandering away]''
:'''Daisy''': It's Scamper and Snowflake! Looks like they're going over this big mountain. I know Scamper's father warned him never to leave the village again, if he does so. She has to get it!
:''[Away in the distance, Scamper and Snowflake almost make it to the top of the hill]''
:'''Snowflake''': Scamper, will this be afraid?
:'''Scamper''': No, don't worry.
:'''Snowflake''': Because if you don't know, I'm not very brave!
:'''Scamper''': I'll introduce you to the dog named Cowboy, this will be the most fun fact you've ever done!
:''[The station is gigantic, filled with buildings, vehicles and lots of equipment. Snowflake has a hard time pronouncing the words]''
:'''Snowflake''': It will?
:'''Scamper''': This is it, this is where the dog and the men live.
:'''Snowflake''': Oh, Scamper, it's so far down there. Will we ever get home again?
:'''Scamper''': Listen, don't concern about getting home. I warned you that dog Cowboy is my friend. You'll give us a ride home on his back! This will be so much fun, we'll have so much fun!
:'''Snowflake''': Scamper, I'm afraid!
:'''Scamper''': Don't be afraid, I promise. We won't even go down there unless I see my friend.
:''[He begins to call for him]''
:'''Scamper''': '''''COWBOY!!''''' C'mon, help me.
:'''Scamper and Snowflake''': '''''COWBOY!!'''''
:''[The dog comes out from behind the building, emotional to see his friends again]''
:'''Scamper''': It's alright! We're coming down!
:''[Then Scamper and Snowflake slide down the hill, and the two land in the snow. Snowflake sees the dog coming towards them, and she runs away from him. Cowboy jumps on top of Scamper to lick his face]''
:'''Cowboy''': I'm glad you're back, Scamper. Now I have somebody to play with!
:'''Scamper''': I missed you as well! Listen, I brought some that I want you to meet. Say hello to Snowflake. She's my best friend.
:''[Snowflake is a lot shy, and she hides behind Scamper]''
:'''Snowflake''': He frightens me!
:'''Scamper''': Oh, he's just being friendly, Snowflake. It's alright.
:''[Then, Cowboy bursts in between them]''
:'''Scamper''': Cowboy, cut this out!
:''[Cowboy gives Snowflake a lick on his face, which causes her to fall over. The three laugh and enjoy being together]''
:'''Cowboy''': Alright, everybody! What do you say we go for a ride?
:'''Scamper''': C'mon, Snowflake. That's it!
:''[The two jump on top of Cowboy's back, and they all get ready. The weight of the two penguins on Cowboy's back is weighing him down. But then, Scamper is starting to lose his grip, and starts to fall off. He manages to grab hold of Cowboy's tail and hold on for some seconds before he falls apart and lands in the snow. Then, after a while, Snowflake falls over as well, and Cowboy, without these two chicks weighing him down and wins the race]''
:'''Scamper''': Sure, now let's all go sliding!
:'''Cowboy''': But I don't know how.
:'''Scamper''': Poor Cowboy. You mean, you never learned to slide? I'll teach you. It's easy! You just...sliiiiide!
:''[The two slide down the mountain with ease]''
:'''Scamper''': C'mon!
:'''Cowboy''': Here it goes!
:''[The dog slides down a hill, but he is engulfed in a giant snowball. Cowboy's head bursts out, covered in snow, which he shakes away. The two laugh, as they play around in the snow. They will sneak behind one another to cover them in snow, and they will even throw snowballs. Little do they know, they are not alone. Two skuas are watching them from above. At last, they look up and see them, and their faces turn from joy to fear]''
:'''Snowflake''': What have they done?
:'''Scamper''': I'll protect you. Hurry up, Snowflake, lay down!
:''[Snowflake lays flat on the ground and Scamper tries to cover her in snow, but at last, he is swooped up by a skua and it flies away with Scamper in its clutches]''
:'''Snowflake''': '''''SCAMPER!!'''''
:''[Then the musher's face turns from fear to rage. Then he grabs something tucked under his jacket-robe. It is a pistol. He is going to get his friend back one fashion or another]''
:''[He pulls the trigger and the pistol fires a single shot, which sounds from across the Antarctic. The bullet hits the fiendish bird squarely in the chest and it lets go of Scamper, who falls down to the ground, getting his head buried in the snow. Snowflake runs over, catches him by the feet and pulls him as hard as she could. The other skua is coming straight for her. Cowboy runs towards the almost escaping skua, barking viciously and vengefully. He chomps with his teeth and tears it with his claws, growling, snarling and barking as he tears the skua to shreds. Then Cowboy flings the bird's body away to the side. Snowflake is successfully able to get Scamper out of the snow, but she looks shocked and saddened of her friend's fate. He lays there on his belly, showing how the skua's claws have cut deep into his back, giving him some big scratches. Snowflake touches it a little bit, and Scamper winces at the unceasing pain]''
:'''Snowflake''': Oh, Scamper, you're wounded. Scamper!
:''[She cries out in grand agony she feels in her heart for her best friend]''
:'''Cowboy''': Hurry up, let's go!
:''[Snowflake tries to get Scamper to his feet, while calling Scamper's name. But as they run back to the station as fast as they can, Snowflake picks Scamper up and rides on Cowboy's back]''
:'''Cowboy''': Just hang on!
:''[At last, they get to the station. Back at the kindergarten, the penguins have awakened and start playing. Now, it's time for another lesson]''
:'''Rosie''': Alright, children! Roll call time! Line up, get in line!
:''[The children line up, and Rosie counts them away one by one to make sure everyone is there]''
:'''Rosie''': One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten...that's funny.
:'''Mr. Feather''': ''[yawning]'' What's the matter, Rosie?
:'''Rosie''': Nothing. Just a mistake.
:''[She counts them again just to make sure, and she's right. Scamper and Snowflake are nowhere to be found]''
:'''Rosie''': I guess it's not a mistake. Scamper and Snowflake? They're not here anymore!
:''[Meanwhile, back at the station, Steele's musher has gotten out a liquid form of medicine, dabs a little on a cloth and dabs it onto Scamper's wounds. It stings him, as he groans and moans from the stinging]''
:'''Steele's Musher''': Then you're tangled in a seagull mess. You almost became a penguin lunch!
:''[Then Scamper feels the pain slowly soothe apart. Meanwhile, Rosie is asking if any of the students have seen Scamper and Snowflake]''
:'''Rosie''': Scamper and Snowflake are missing. Has anyone seen them?
:'''Donald''': I know where Scamper and Snowflake went. They left during nap time. They slipped out and climbed over the mountain! Isn't that right, Daisy?
:'''Daisy''': It's all true! And it's all Scamper's fault. He warned Snowflake that he was taking her to the village where he could meet his friend.
:'''Mr. Feather''': How could I've been so foolish? I should've started with a lesson, warning how dangerous humans you aren't!
:'''Rosie''': We have to do something to try to save them!
:''[At last, word spreads all over the village, and Gilbert fears for his son's safety]''
:'''Gilbert''': First he runs off from the nest, then he makes friends with a dog, now he goes into something like this. What have I done with it?
:''[Gracie and Mrs. Graybeak aren't doing any better. They are sobbing uncontrollably for their children to come back to them]''
:'''Gracie''': Oh, where is my poor Scamper?
:'''Mrs. Graybeak''': Where is my poor Snowflake?
:'''Gracie''': But wait. I think I hear something!
:''[They all see something in the distance, it's green and looks mechanical, and it seats a human on it]''
:'''Gilbert''': Something's coming. Go, everyone run and hide!
:''[All the penguins run and hide behind any rocks they can find. They look over and see the unlikely group of four coming straight towards them at high speed. Then, it skids to a halt. The dog gets up from his seat. They also see a sled hitched to the back, and on it is....Scamper and Snowflake]''
:'''Gilbert''': Ah, look, it's Scamper and Snowflake! They're alright!
:'''Steele's Musher''': Well, alright, little penguins. Off you go home!
:''[Then the two head away, but then they turn back to say their farewells, for now]''
:'''Scamper and Snowflake''': Thank you! Farewell!
:'''Scamper''': Bye!
:'''Snowflake''': Thanks again! Farewell, Mr. Man!
:'''Scamper''': Farewell, Cowboy!
:''[Steele's musher and Cowboy get back on the snowmobile and drive away, back to their home. Scamper and Snowflake are overcome with joy to see their parents, as their parents are to see them]''
:'''Gracie''': Scamper!
:'''Mrs. Graybeak''': Snowflake!
:'''Gracie and Mrs. Graybeak''': My little baby, are you alright?
:'''Scamper''': Mama, that man and the dog saved my life.
:'''Mr. Feather''': What nonsense are you speaking about? These are two of the most dangerous animals in Antarctica that you don't belong here. All his furs on his head! Listen, uh...Gilbert, it's a miracle. Your son even comes back here alive!
:'''Scamper''': Wanna hear about my trip?
:'''Gilbert''': You're really in danger, young man. Now go straight back to the nest!
:''[After that, Scamper and his family head back to their nest]''
:'''Narrator''': And then, Scamper was once again safe in the protection of his village, while his feet may have been planted firmly at home. His adventurous mind was soaring to the limits of his imagination.
:''[Scamper’s tan chest and belly feathers have now turned to white, and his cheeks, have now turned to a cyan color. He is lounging on a rock, with his fins on the back of his head, looking up into the heavens, watching the white seagulls soar above. Then, Snowflake’s head bursts into view]''
:'''Snowflake''': Hi!
:''[Snowflake, as well, has white belly and chest feathers, but her cheeks are more bright pink]''
:'''Snowflake''': What are you thinking about? Are you gonna run off again?
:'''Scamper''': Nothing like that.
:'''Snowflake''': Why?
:'''Scamper''': I was thinking about flying.
:''[He points to the heavens, and Snowflake sees the seagulls flying above them. Then Scamper sits up]''
:'''Scamper''': I mean, we're birds, aren't we? Then why is this we can't fly?
:'''Snowflake''': Because we're penguins.
:'''Scamper''': Huh! Well, why should that make a difference?
:'''Snowflake''': It's just that fashion.
:'''Scamper''': Doesn't have to be. Perhaps nobody's trying to fly. That's it! We have wings, as well!
:''[Then Scamper gets up to his feet, ready to try flying. He spreads out his wings and tries to flap them. That gets him nowhere, where he starts running and jumping, but at last, he trips and slides down the hill, face first. He shakes the snow from his head and body]''
:'''Scamper''': I think I know what I'm doing why. I need to get up higher!
:''[Scamper leads Snowflake to a giant icy rock, with a clifftop]''
:'''Scamper''': This is how the other birds do it. If they want to start flying, they usually start from a higher spot. Then I'll just need to do the same fact.
:''[Then Scamper backs up a few feet, runs and jumps, flapping his wings as hard as he can, but to no prevail. He lands in the snow]''
:'''Snowflake''': Scamper, are you alright?
:'''Scamper''': I almost had it! All I need is a little more altitude.
:''[There is an enormous ice glacier. It is gigantic, and at the end of it, is just the ocean]''
:'''Scamper''': That's it, the ice cliffs! I could fly from there for sure. C'mon, Snowflake!
:''[The two climb up the glacier. Scamper is sure he will be able to fly from this height, but Snowflake is starting to have a second thought]''
:'''Scamper''': I've never been up this high before.
:'''Snowflake''': Scamper, you're not going to try to fly from up there. You can't!
:'''Scamper''': Wow! Perhaps you've had a point. It's kinda far down.
:''[The ice underneath them crumbles, and the ice chunk they are all standing on now separates from the glacier and is falling into the ocean below]''
:'''Both''': Aah!
:''[They fall straight into the ocean with a giant splash. The iceberg drifts apart from the island. Scamper is holding onto the iceberg, and sees that they are drifting far from home. Then Scamper makes his road onto the iceberg, and apparently, Snowflake has passed out in exhaustion. Scamper walks over to Snowflake and awakens her]''
:'''Scamper''': Snowflake! Snowflake! Are you alright, Snowflake?
:''[Snowflake is starting to get really afraid. She even starts to weep a little]''
:'''Snowflake''': Scamper, are we trapped?
:'''Scamper''': Are we trapped? I wouldn't say that.
:'''Snowflake''': We're too young to swim and there's no fashion back where we're trapped.
:''[Scamper is actually starting to get annoyed by Snowflake's constant concerning]''
:'''Scamper''': Oh, Snowflake, you should try to look at this as an adventure, alright?
:'''Snowflake''': Adventure?
:'''Scamper''': That's right! We might even meet some interesting...
:'''Snowflake''': But I'm concerned! We might never get home again. Then I'd never see my parents, as well!
:''[She stands up and wipes away her tears]''
:'''Scamper''': Oh, yes, we will. Hey, look!
:''[Then, Scamper spots something in the distance. It is a flock of king penguins. Salvation, or at least help]''
:'''Scamper''': There's an entire flock of penguins right there. I knew we'd be saved!
:'''Snowflake''': These look like the emperor penguins Mr. Feather spoke about. Look how tall they are! They're so beautiful. Do you really think they'll help us get home?
:'''Scamper''': Of course they will! They're penguins, are they? Hey! Hey, hey! Hey! Hey, cousin penguins! We need your help! We're drifting out to sea and we can't swim!
:''[The penguins don't pay any attention to his cries for help]''
:'''Scamper''': How about that?
:'''Snowflake''': Scamper, they're not going to help us.
:''[Scamper starts to get annoyed with the penguins, as he starts to curse them]''
:'''Scamper''': Stuck-up snobs!
:''[They yet don't pay the two any mind at all. Snowflake is beginning to lose hope]''
:'''Snowflake''': Now we'll never be rescued! ''[sobbing]''
:'''Scamper''': Oh, Snowflake, stop that. We will, as well!
:''[Back on the island, all the penguins are looking for the pair of two that have disappeared]''
:'''Gilbert''': '''''SCAAAAAAMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!! SNOWFLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKEEEE!!!''''' ''[echoes]''
:'''Graybeaks''': Scamper! Snowflake! Where are you?
:'''Mr. Feather''': Scamper! Snowflake! Why don't you respond to me?
:''[Then they all gather back together to check on their progress]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': This is Scamper's fault. Snowflake just wouldn't run off like this.
:'''Graybeak''': That's true.
:'''Gilbert''': He's right.
:''[Gracie is a total wreck over the loss of her son]''
:'''Gracie''': Scamper, you promised me you'd never run away again.
:'''Gilbert''': Try to control yourself, darling. Scamper will come back to us. He always does so, you know?
:'''Mr. Graybeak''': Well, I have to admit I've had a worst feeling about this.
:'''Gilbert''': Try to stay optimistic. Think positive.
:'''Rosie''': Yes, I wish they'll be coming home anytime now!
:'''Mr. Feather''': Don't speak nonsense! By this point, they've probably already been eaten. They don't stand a chance!
:''[But they aren't. They are floating far from shore on a giant iceberg. After all the emotion, they are both tuckered out and decide to take a nap. Scamper and Snowflake sleep side-by-side. After a while, Scamper feels something jump onto his belly. He opens his eyes and looks to see a shrimp sitting on top of him. He tries to catch it, but it bounces away from him. Snowflake awakens to the confusion. Scamper grabs at it, but then it jumps into the water. Scamper is almost about to fall in]''
:'''Snowflake''': Don't fall in, Scamper!
:''[Snowflake grabs hold of Scamper and lifts him up. Then he sets him back on the ground. The two both settle down, laying on their fronts to look out onto the ocean. Scamper and Snowflake are getting pretty hungry]''
:'''Snowflake''': Oh. I just wish they have something to eat.
:'''Scamper''': Me as well. If we could swim, there'd be plenty to eat.
:'''Snowflake''': But you know, we can't swim. Our feathers are thick enough to keep off the water!
:''[She sees a giant black mass coming up from underneath the water. They all get up and slowly back apart from the edge. Then, out of the shadow splashes a giant, hungry leopard seal. It is big, and has a mouth complete with teeth. They all back off. Cowboy is standing his ground, snarling and snapping at his heels. Scamper and Snowflake hide behind Steele's musher, who has a look of determination on his face]''
:'''Snowflake''': Oh, Scamper, help!
:'''Scamper''': Watch out, we're slipping toward him!
:''[The three of them try their best to back off, but to no prevail. The seal's weight is just too heavy. Scamper sees a giant ice rock, just big enough to fit the monster's mouth. He lifts it with all his might, and just as the seal is about to clamp his jaws, Scamper throws the ice chunk straight into its mouth]''
:'''Steele's Musher''': Grand job, Scamper!
:'''Cowboy''': Alright! I'm going for it!
:''[Cowboy starts getting on top of him, scratching and biting at him as Steele's musher, Scamper and Snowflake start throwing snowballs at the stuff. Then the seal bites down and crushes the ice rock with its big teeth. Cowboy is starting to slip from the seal's back, and the seal bites down on his tail and throws him aside. Cowboy lands near the others. Steele's musher is now very frustrated]''
:'''Steele's Musher''': Why, you! I'll make you pay for that!
:''[Then Steele's musher takes out another weapon; a katana. He charges at the seal, letting out a battle cry and slashes a big cut across the seal's neck, giving him some big scratches]''
:'''Scamper''': '''''YAY!!''''' You did it!
:'''Steele's Musher''': Thank you...I don't think we're safe yet. Look!
:''[He points towards a giant, black fin sticking out of the water. It is a murderous whale. Then it disappears]''
:'''Scamper''': Where'd that go?
:'''Snowflake''': Oh, dear!
:''[Then the murderous whale jumps out from underneath the iceberg, causing it to separate into two pieces. Scamper and Snowflake hold onto one iceberg, while Cowboy and Steele's musher hold onto the other. Then the murderous whale is heading towards the iceberg with Scamper and Snowflake on it]''
:'''Steele's Musher''': '''''NO!!''''' You stay away from my friends!
:''[Steele's musher runs from the iceberg and with perfect timing, lands on the murderous whale, right as it is about to jump]''
:'''Steele's Musher''': Take it!
:''[Steele's musher stabs the whale in the head, as he and Cowboy jump off it before they can fall into the water. Scamper, Snowflake and Cowboy all gather in for a hug]''
:'''Cowboy''': Thank heaven you're safe.
:'''Scamper''': Thanks to you and Wild Joe.
:'''Snowflake''': Yes, thank you for my protection.
:'''Scamper''': Hey, Wild Joe, wanna have a hug?
:''[Steele's musher isn't paying attention. He is also busy wiping the blood from his katana. His face is solemn with seriousness]''
:'''Steele's Musher''': I'm sorry, I was just so....so...afraid. I wasn't sure you were gonna make it.
:'''Scamper''': I'm very sorry. I shouldn't have tried to fly. If I had just stayed at home, we wouldn't be here.
:'''Steele's Musher''': Scamper. Don't say stuff like that.
:''[He bends down where he is eye level with Scamper]''
:'''Steele's Musher''': You don't have to change anything about yourself. Your adventurous mind is amazing, and shouldn't be held back like this. You just need to be yourself.
:''[Scamper starts to tear up, and runs in to give Steele's musher a hug, as Steele's musher embraces him in his grasp]''
:'''Narrator''': Somehow, Scamper and Snowflake had managed to survive for another day. But their outlook was gloomy. The tiny iceberg to which they clung was drifting farther and farther out to sea. It was only a matter of time before the current took them to waters warm enough to melt their little raft, but fate once again had a hand to play in their adventure.
:''[The adventurous twosome has been drifting out in the open sea for quite a while. Today, they will go face-to-face against their greatest threat yet. The two are both sleeping, but then Scamper awakens. He stretches out and yawns as he sits up, and then climbs to his feet. Suddenly, he hears a giant horn and he sees coming towards them, is a giant black cargo ship. He gasps and rubs his eyes, making sure he isn't yet asleep. He looks, and sure enough, it's yet there]''
:'''Scamper''': Snowflake, wake up! Hurry up, get up! Look, Snowflake!
:'''Snowflake''': What?
:''[The ship comes even closer, the horn grows even louder, and he can hear the water being swept away by the ship's haul. Then the iceberg is pushed aside by the waves. The two look up, and see that a crew is onboard and sees them. The two start calling to them]''
:'''Scamper''': Heaven help us! We need your help!
:'''Snowflake''': Heaven save us!
:''[One of the crew members throw a giant net, that wraps around the iceberg, and the men start to pull them up]''
:'''Sailor #1''': Penguin chicks? Hurry now, get the net!
:''[At last, the iceberg makes it onto the deck, as Scamper and Snowflake slide off. They look up to see a group of black and gray clothed men surrounding them)
:'''Scamper''': I can't believe we're being rescued.
:'''Sailor #2''': What are these chicks doing floating way out here?
:'''Sailor #3''': It's lucky we've had them.
:''[Keeping in mind what the sailors say, as well as seeing all the multiple crates that look more like cages, he puts two together and realize the truth. These aren't sailors, they are poachers]''
:'''Scamper''': Snowflake, we're saved! Yay! Yippee! We're saved, hooray! Ha ha!
:''[But it's no use. The two penguins are caught within the poachers' grasps. The poachers laugh manically]''
:'''Poacher #1''': Don't run away! You two are worth almost a thousand dollars each!
:'''Poacher #2''': Your new home is going to be a cage.
:''[Scamper and Snowflake try to get free of the grasp of their captors, but it's no use]''
:'''Scamper''': What? Hey, let me go! Let me go!
:'''Snowflake''': Put us down now!
:'''Scamper''': I want to go back to your mother and father!
:'''Snowflake''': Put me down! Hey, wait!
:''[The other poacher takes Scamper and Snowflake to their cages, while the other stays to complete the job. The poacher drags Scamper and Snowflake to the ship's cabin, where an empty cell awaits them. They are both thrown in, and the door is shut. The poacher looks to the other cage and grins maliciously]''
:'''Poacher #1''': Get in there! You two!
:''[Meanwhile, Scamper and Snowflake are thrown into a cage. The door is shut and the latch is firmly secured]''
:'''Scamper''': Oh, please don't leave us here!
:''[The two poachers don't pay them any mind. Instead, they just keep walking off]
:'''Snowflake''': I don't think we'll like it in this cage!
:'''Scamper''': Won't you take us home to our parents?
:'''Voice''': Ah, you guys are doing nothing but wasting your breath!
:''[They are alarmed to see another penguin with them. He has white chest feathers, like them, but he's black and has yellow feathers on his head and eyebrows. They don't know what kind of penguin he is]''
:'''Snowflake''': Oh, what kind of bird are you?
:'''Scamper''': Who are you?
:'''Louie''': Louie, that's my name. I'm a macaroni penguin!
:'''Scamper''': Sure, you're a penguin!
:'''Snowflake''': Why are you here?
:'''Louie''': The three of us are all here for the same reason!
:''[They are confused as to what he meant. They look at each other with confused faces]''
:'''Louie''': C'mon now, don't you know anything? The men are selling us to the zoo!
:''[Then the two see two poachers walk up to their cage, but one looks different in terms of clothing. He is dressed in grayish-blue, and the type of clothing is strangely 'formal'. This may be the captain of the ship]''
:'''Poacher #1''': Then what do you think?
:'''Captain''': Now all he needs is just a hundred more penguins like these!
:'''Poacher #1''': That's a lot of birds, captain. To get that many, we'll have to sail to Antarctica!
:'''Captain''': Then what? If we need to sail to the moon to fill these cages, I want these penguin chicks!
:'''Poacher #1''': Aye-aye, captain!
:''[The two leave and now, Scamper is certainly convinced that these guys are in fact poachers]''
:'''Louie''': Well, that didn't convince you. Nothing will.
:'''Scamper''': No, I believe you.
:'''Snowflake''': Oh, dear. Now we'll never get home!
:'''Louie''': You have the picture.
:'''Snowflake''': Oh, dear, we might be split up and sold to different zoos? What could ever be worse? They can't take you from me, Scamper!
:'''Scamper''': Ah, that won't happen.
:'''Louie''': That will happen and a lot worse! Unless we do something.
:'''Scamper''': Alright then, we'll help, what have we done?
:'''Louie''': I don't know what have we done. We just have to escape somehow, but I haven't figured out a fashion.
:''[Even if he hears Louie's warnings, Scamper isn't going to give up so easily. He is determined to find a road out, and get back home. Then he spots the latch that holds the door in place]''
:'''Scamper''': Now let me see, if we could get that open.
:'''Louie''': That's a latch and it's too high to reach. Believe me, I've tried.
:''[Then Scamper sees something big and fluffy standing there. It is a dog, a Saint Bernard, in fact. The two back off]''
:'''Scamper''': What? Who are you?
:'''Louie''': That's Jack, keep an eye on that old geezer.
:'''Jack''': Oh, don't go speaking like that.
:'''Louie''': He's a phony, works for these sailors. They feed him and in return, he guards us!
:'''Jack''': It's my job.
:'''Louie''': Get another job then! Don't work for these bad men. Money's the only fact they care about!
:'''Jack''': I'm too old. I can't look for a new master now. Nobody else wants old Jack.
:'''Scamper''': Please, let us out. We don't want to live our lives in the zoo.
:'''Snowflake''': He's right, Mr. Jack. Let us go! No one will ever know that you set us free.
:'''Jack''': And then, where would you go? We're a hundred miles out to sea and you guys probably can't even swim. There are birds and seals and murderous whales out there. I'm probably doing you guys a favor leave you in that cage. Yes. Ho-ho, I am!
:''[Then Jack walks away, leaving the two penguins stunned at what a rude dog he is]''
:'''Narrator''': Scamper, Snowflake and Louie seemed doomed to spend the rest of their lives imprisoned. Even though freedom seemed all but impossible, the thought of being locked in a zoo kept Scamper diligently searching for a road to escape.
:''[But, this doesn't mean that Scamper is about to give up. In fact, quite the contrary. He is trying to get Snowflake to help him in his escape. Scamper first tries standing on Snowflake's back. He reaches as high as he can to get to the latch, but it's just too high]''
:'''Louie''': You two are wasting your time!
:''[Scamper jumps away, and gets an idea]''
:'''Scamper''': C'mon, we have to keep trying. Why don't you climb on my back one more time?
:''[Then Snowflake gets on top of Scamper's shoulders, and then Scamper stands up. Scamper has difficulty keeping his balance at first, but then he keeps his balance and walks towards the door, where that Snowflake can reach the latch. She reaches as high as she can, but it isn't quite enough]''
:'''Scamper''': Can't you reach it, Snowflake?
:'''Snowflake''': Not quite.
:''[Then Scamper stands on his toes, hoping that will be enough, but it yet isn't]''
:'''Scamper''': Now see if you can't.
:'''Snowflake''': Oh, it's no use. It's just a little too high for me to reach.
:'''Scamper''': Snowflake, try standing on top of my head.
:''[Then Snowflake puts her feet onto Scamper's head, but stands on it. Scamper tries to keep his balance, but it's difficult trying to keep control of his head being pushed down by Snowflake's complete body weight. She stands on her toes, and she can reach the latch. Louie sees this, and runs over to see. She keeps trying to push the latch out of the lock]''
:'''Scamper''': Hurry up, Snowflake! I can't hold you any longer!
:''[Scamper can't keep his balance anymore, as he and Snowflake fall down. Then they get back up]''
:'''Scamper''': We almost had it! C'mon, Snowflake. We have to try it again!
:''[All the racket that the penguins are making is keeping Old Jack from enjoying his nap]''
:'''Jack''': Will these penguins never cut it out? I wish they'd start to get some sleep.
:''[The two try the same strategy, hoping it will work this time]''
:'''Louie''': Keep moving, Snowflake!
:''[But then, they fall back down again. Louie is really hoping for them]''
:'''Louie''': You almost had it! You almost had it open as well, you missed it by about this much.
:'''Snowflake''': Oh, Scamper, it's just too high for me to reach it. I can't, I can't!
:''[Then she begins to tear up, thinking about how hopeless she has been. Scamper sees this, and goes over to console her]''
:'''Scamper''': Snowflake, it's alright.
:'''Snowflake''': Oh, really? Well, perhaps we can try again later.
:'''Louie''': Well, at least you two are keeping me entertained!
:''[Louie just sits there with his fins crossed. Suddenly, the three hear a large howling from outside]''
:'''Louie''': Old Jack's howling. Every time that's happened, there's been a horrible storm within a few moments.
:''[And there is. The heavens start to be filled with black clouds, and the sea is raging and waves rocking the ship]''
:'''Poacher #1''': It's gonna storm, captain!
:'''Poacher #2''': Bomb the hatches!
:'''Poacher #3''': Tie down the loose cargo!
:''[The crew sounds the alarm, and runs into the haul, where they can be safe]''
:'''Narrator''': It was a storm that seemed to come up almost out of nowhere. Within moments of old Jack's warning howls, the tramp steamer was being pounded by the fury of a violent squall. Trapped in the cages and unprotected from the elements, the penguins were at the mercy of the storm.
:''[As the storm intensifies, the waves make their road onto the deck, smothering the cargo and the penguins in water. The storm just rages on, without a sign of stopping]''
:''[Meanwhile, back at Antarctica, the penguins are beginning to lose hope that the chicks will come home]''
:'''Gracie''': They've been gone for so long now, I'm so concerned!
:'''Mr. Graybeak''': We looked everywhere for them and there's no sign. There's nowhere else to look. I'm afraid to just call away the search.
:'''Gracie''': No, don't say that. He'll come back, I know they'll be coming back soon!
:'''Gilbert''': Of course they will, darling.
:'''Gracie''': Oh, Gilbert. I'm so concerned!
:''[Gracie just can't believe that they are dead. And she is right, they are alive, and somewhat safe]''
:''[Back on the ship, Scamper is pacing back and forth in his cell, trying to figure out a road to get out. Snowflake is sleeping on the floor. Then Scamper spots something]''
:'''Scamper''': What? A mop handle!
:''[The handle is broken apart from the damage that is caused by the storm. He grabs the broken handle, but stretches his fin out and puts the end of the handle through the space between the key chain and the hook it is held on. He lifts it up and brings it over to him, and now the keys are in his grasp. Louie awakens and is shocked to see what he has in his hands. Snowflake is surprised, as well]''
:'''Scamper''': Csendes! Get ready to escape.
:''[He puts the key into the outside lock and unlocks it]''
:'''Louie''': That's it!
:'''Snowflake''': Ha ha!
:'''Jack''': What? Oh, well.
:'''Scamper''': Alright, follow me.
:'''Louie''': Oh, thank you, Scamper!
:'''Scamper''': Don't mention it. Let's go!
:'''Snowflake''': But which fashion?
:'''Scamper''': Well, let's see. Let's go that fashion! Hurry up!
:''[He points to the left, towards the front end of the ship. He climbs up the stairs, but then stops on the last step as he sees Old Jack laying there, napping]''
:'''Scamper''': We have to go the other fashion. Hurry now! C'mon!
:''[The three walk away, and come across a hole down to a cargo-holding room]
:'''Jack''': What? Oh.
:'''Scamper''': Perhaps we could hide for a while way down there.
:'''Snowflake''': I don't know if I can climb down all of these steps.
:'''Louie''': That's no problem. Watch this! What are you waiting for? The coast is clear!
:'''Scamper''': Alright, just follow me.
:'''Snowflake''': Alright.
:''[Scamper, Snowflake and Louie slide down the railing, and land on the ground with a thud]''
:'''Louie''': Let's find something around here to eat!
:'''Scamper''': You said it.
:'''Louie''': Here's where they keep the food, I know because I could smell it. Follow me!
:''[The three walk in, then begin to snoop around, trying to find something to eat. Scamper looks inside a giant can, but nothing is inside, except trash. Snowflake finds a paintbrush. Thinking it's food, she licks it to see how it will taste, and she immediately regrets it. Louie has climbed on top of some boxes, and he smells something nice coming from the very top box. He pushes it with all his might, and it topples down, and falls onto the ground. A huge split cuts its road through the cardboard, and a mess of chips falls out. The others look at it with astonishment]''
:'''Snowflake''': Well, it's some kind of food. This must be the kind of food that men eat.
:''[Louie takes a piece and eats it. It is food---very nice food in fact]''
:'''Louie''': It's nice. Here, have some!
:''[He grabs an entire pile of it, and shares a piece with each of them. The others think it is pretty nice]''
:'''Scamper''': It's not bad. Have some!
:''[The three eat all that is in the box, as the poachers are starting to come down. The three hear the footsteps down the stairs]''
:'''Scamper''': Csendes. Sailors, let's hide! Let's go! C'mon!
:''[The three hide behind a big pile of crates. The two poachers look around, hearing the noise]''
:'''Poacher #1''': Look at this! Who made this mess?
:''[Another poacher comes in, and warns them that their captives have escaped]''
:'''Poacher #3''': All the penguins have gotten out!
:'''Poacher #1''': How could they have gotten out?
:'''Poacher #3''': You're after me? All I know is that the penguins are gone!
:'''Poacher #1''': Alright!
:'''Poacher #2''': These penguins must have done this. Just wait until I get my hands on these troublemakers.
:'''Poacher #3''': Let's find them!
:'''Louie''': Let's keep moving!
:'''Snowflake''': But they've had us trapped in here!
:'''Louie''': Hurry up! Here they come!
:''[The three hide and keep real silent as two of the poachers walk right past them. Then they peek around the corner. A little mouse scurries across the floor, squeaking, and Snowflake hears this and shrieks as she sees it. Scamper puts his fin over his mouth and silences her, but it's no use]''
:'''Captain''': It's them! They're in here! Now you swabbies earn your pay and catch them!
:''[The poachers all try to get them, but fail several times. Scamper jumps onto a barrel that is on its side, and it rolls. He just keeps on rolling and he runs straight into a poacher, but he jumps clear before the poacher can catch him, and the barrel knocks the poacher to the ground. Louie climbs on top of some boxes, which are now shaking because of his swiftness to escape. He jumps up and grabs onto a pipe on the wall as the boxes fall over onto the poacher that is trying to get him, knocking him to the ground. Louie climbs across the pipe, onto the deck. Meanwhile, Scamper and Snowflake have made it to the engine, where a poacher and his captain follow them. Scamper climbs on top of a pipe where he starts to walk across it, but then he slips away onto the floor. The poacher sees him and starts to give chase, but then Scamper jumps onto another pipe, where a lever stands. He grabs onto it and pulls down, as gas comes out of the open space in the pipe and the gas smothers the poacher, who faints from the lack of oxygen. Then Scamper sees a hole in the wall. Maybe this is a road to get out. He climbs up the metal that sticks out of the wall, and he makes it up. All that is left to find Snowflake and get her to safety as well. She is being chased by the captain]''
:'''Scamper''': Snowflake, watch out!
:''[She climbs as fast as she can, but then she slips, right into the captain's grasp. Scamper looks in shock and the captain laughs, but his victory is short lived, but as he feels the bird nip at his nose. He tries desperately to get her off. Then he whips his head around, allowing for Snowflake to let go and grab hold of Scamper's fins. He pulls her up into the little hole in the wall]''
:'''Captain''': Faster! They're above the deck!
:'''Scamper''': C'mon, this is our chance.
:''[Meanwhile, Louie is running away from the poachers, as he notices Old Jack sleeping in the middle of the road. He jumps clear of the old dog, and his assailant trips over the dog]''
:'''Poacher #3''': Jack, you foolish dog! Why don't you get up and help us?
:'''Louie''': We don't have much time. I do wonder....where they went!
:''[He hears them and runs over. He sees them sitting there on the anchor]''
:'''Louie''': Hey, guys! Scamper! Snowflake!
:'''Scamper''': What? Hey, look, it's Louie! Hey, Louie, c'mon down here!
:'''Louie''': Here I come!
:''[He jumps off the railing and onto the anchor. The weight pulls the anchor down until it barely reaches the water. The poachers are now there, trying to catch them]''
:'''Captain''': Second here rate, saboteur gets an end!
:''[One of the poachers gets the net out, and starts swinging. The trio ducks down to avoid it. One time, Scamper is almost caught, but he lets go and almost falls into the ocean, but he grabs onto the anchor just in time]''
:'''Captain''': These are little penguins were heading for your salary! Now look sharp and toss him aboard! Penguins in Antarctica! We'll catch you!
:''[But then, Old Jack howls, causing the poachers to get distracted from their task]''
:'''Poacher #1''': Captain, Old Jack's howling. And there's a storm must be on the road!
:'''Captain''': Reinforcements!
:''[He sounds the bell, and all the poachers run to hide for shelter, buying Jack's bluff. There isn't really a storm. He just howls where he could distract the poachers. The three are all confused as to what just happened]''
:''[The three are all confused as to what just happened]''
:'''Snowflake''': They're gone, but now what are we supposed to do?
:'''Scamper''': I don't know.
:''[They look up and see Jack, and in his mouth is a lifesaver. Then Jack opens his mouth, allowing for the lifesaver to fall into the ocean]''
:'''Scamper''': Here's our chance to escape. Check for the ring!
:''[Louie jumps into the lifesaver, with Scamper and Snowflake jumping onto the outside ring]''
:'''Jack''': Well, perhaps you can teach an old dog new tricks.
:'''Scamper, Snowflake and Louie''': Thank you, Jack! Thank you! Good luck, we won't forget you! Farewell! So long! Bye! Thanks!
:''[Then the three drift far from the ship, as they hear the mighty horn slowly getting more and more silent, until there is nothing]''
:''[The penguins are too distracted by their unrelenting hunger to think of anything]''
:'''Snowflake''': Now we're just back to where we started from.
:'''Louie''': I'm hungry.
:''[The trio just sits there, in the ocean. But then, Scamper thinks of an idea]''
:'''Scamper''': It's not that bad. Look, there's food!
:'''Snowflake''': But you know we can't swim.
:'''Scamper''': We're just gonna have to see about that.
:'''Snowflake''': Then you're gonna try it?
:'''Louie''': You're not waterproof.
:'''Scamper''': Perhaps not. But remember, we're all older now. Perhaps we can swim. I'm gonna try! There's only one fashion to find out.
:'''Louie''': What if you sink?
:'''Scamper''': If I sink, then I sink.
:''[He jumps right off the ice block, as Snowflake and Louie watch. They are both amazed. He can swim perfectly, granted, he has grown quite a lot. Then he jumps out of the water, letting out a joyful laugh]''
:'''Scamper''': Hey! Ha ha! I can swim! I can swim! C'mon in! It's wonderful! It's so much fun! Ha ha ha! Woah, watch this! You can do it as well, it's easy! Don't be afraid! C'mon!
:'''Louie''': Sure looks easy!
:'''Scamper''': Don't even think about it. Just jump in, the water's grand! You'll love it, it's grand! Wow, c'mon!
:'''Louie''': Scamper, I'm going.
:''[Louie jumps into the water, and he also can swim grandly]''
:'''Louie''': Ha ha! I can swim!
:'''Snowflake''': Well, alright then.
:''[Then Snowflake jumps in, and as expected, she also turns out to be a grand swimmer. Then the three see a plentiful swarm of krill for them to eat. Then with a splash, the three penguins burst right out of the water, stuffed with loads of food]''
:'''Scamper''': ''[sighs]'' I've never eaten so much food in my entire life!
:'''Snowflake''': I'm so complete!
:'''Louie''': Me as well!
:'''Snowflake''': Now we can something to eat wherever we're hungry!
:'''Louie''': Anytime!
:'''Scamper''': And that's not all. Don't you see the best part? Now we'll be able to swim back home!
:'''Snowflake''': Oh, dear! Look over there! Giant whales! They've come...they've come to hurt us! Oh, dear! We have almost made it and it's happened!
:'''Louie''': These won't hurt you. These aren't murderous whales. They're not gonna hurt us and they might even help us.
:'''Scamper''': Oh, that's right! Now I remember. Mr. Feather said that they were friends of the penguins! Hey, do you think they'd give us a ride back home? Hi there!
:'''Whale''': Hello, penguins!
:'''Scamper''': Could you please give us a ride home?
:'''Whale''': It would be our pleasure.
:''[After a long while, as they were reaching their limit, Scamper spots land. It is their home. He recognizes the giant, purple ice mountain]''
:'''Scamper''': There it is! I can eventually see our home!
:'''Snowflake''': We're home?
:'''Scamper''': Look how fast we're going. We're on our road home!
:''[The three eventually make it to land. The three penguins land onto the ground]''
:'''Scamper''': Well, let's go!
:''[The two both follow Scamper]''
:'''Louie''': Are you sure you know where you're going?
:'''Scamper''': Yes, over that hill. I know the road. The first time I ran off was right over that hill!
:''[The three climb up the hill and see the valley and the nests, but no penguins]''
:'''Scamper''': Well, this is it.
:'''Snowflake''': Why don't I see anybody?
:''[The three look around and don't see any trace of the penguin village]''
:'''Louie''': There's just a lot of snow down there!
:''[The shapes look exactly like penguins]''
:'''Scamper''': Hey, hey!
:'''Snowflake''': Hey!
:'''Louie''': Hey!
:''[The other penguins hear the noise, and look up to the mountain to see what is making it. They are utterly flabbergasted to see who is standing on top of the hill. It is Scamper, Snowflake and Louie, all safe and sound. The three slide down the hill towards the group of penguins, and they land right at the bottom of the hill. All the penguins gather around them, and are ecstatic to see them alive and well]''
:'''Mr. Graybeak''': That's funny. Ow! That looks like Scamper and Snowflake! They're back! This is incredible!
:'''Gilbert''': Look, it's them!
:'''Mr. Graybeak''': They've come back!
:'''Gilbert''': Look, Scamper and Snowflake are alive! They're alive, they've come home!
:'''Mrs. Graybeak''': Oh, you're home! My baby!
:'''Gracie''': My baby!
:'''Snowflake''': Mama!
:'''Gracie''': Scamper, where have you been?
:'''Scamper''': Mama!
:'''Mrs. Graybeak''': My little Snowflake!
:'''Snowflake''': I missed you!
:''[Scamper and Snowflake run up to hug their mothers, who are especially glad to see their children, weeping tears of joy]''
:'''Mr. Graybeak''': I've never seen a penguin that looked like that before.
:'''Gilbert''': It's a grand big world!
:'''Scamper''': Papa!
:'''Gilbert''': Look at you, Scamper. You're all grown up.
:'''Scamper''': Father, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
:''[Scamper runs up to hug his father, and a single tear runs down his cheek]''
:'''Gilbert''': Son, don't concern about any of that. You're back! And that's all that matters.
:'''Scamper''': Papa, I have someone here that I want you to meet. This is my friend Louie, he's a macaroni penguin. Can he stay?
:'''Gilbert''': Of course he can!
:'''Gracie''': Your friend is welcome here as long as he likes.
:''[The three all jump around, emotional and celebrating their arrival back to their home]''
:''[But it will be short lived, as Rosie runs into the crowd, panicking]''
:'''Rosie''': ''[gunshots are heard, she runs up]'' Help, we need help!
:'''Gilbert''': Can you warn us what just happened?
:'''Rosie''': The sailors, they've taken all the children! What?
:'''Gilbert''': Ohhh!!!
:'''Gracie''': The children! Oh, dear!
:''[Meanwhile, Mr. Feather is trying to get the children back himself. The children are snatched up by a large net, and are being dragged off into a boat]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': Come back here! Where are you going with all my students? They're penguins as well!
:''[One of the poachers has a rifle, and he aims it straight to the ground, and shoots. The shock wave trips Mr. Feather and he falls into the snow. The children cry hopelessly for someone to save them]''
:'''Scamper''': Oh, poor Mr. Feather!
:'''Mr. Feather''': They didn't shoot me. I can't go ahead. I'm just too old!
:'''Scamper''': At least you weren't hurt. Papa, these bad men, we have to stop them. They're catching penguins for the zoo!
:'''Gilbert''': They are? ''[turns to the parent penguins]'' They're trying to sell our children to the zoo! C'mon! Let's stop them!
:''[They are running towards the poachers, with Gilbert and Scamper leading the charge. Mr. Feather gets up and joins the charge. The poachers and their captain are rowing their road back to the ship]''
:'''Captain''': Look lively, lads! Hurry up! Hurry now!
:'''Gilbert''': You men, bring our children back!
:'''Captain''': Put your backs into it! Get these birds alive!
:''[The sailors are stealing their children]''
:'''Gilbert''': You can't do this! We're never going to let you! ''[to the parents]'' Alright, guys, follow me!
:''[The penguins all jump into the sea, ready for battle]''
:'''Poacher #1''': These pests. I'll teach them.
:''[The first poacher shoots at the water. Gilbert jumps up and tackles the first poacher. The first poacher throws Gilbert back into the water. Scamper jumps up and tackles the first poacher. Splash!]''
:'''Steele's Musher''': Nonsense! What have we got here? Let's go!
:'''Captain''': What? Oh! Keep below decks, hurry up! Close the hatches!
:''[The iceberg lands and a huge tsunami tips the ship over, as all the crew falls off the ship and into the ocean. The poachers are eventually perished]''
:'''Narrator''': The echoes from the rifle shots had caused the enormous icy cliffside to give room. The giant tidal wave that was created destroyed everything in its path, except of course, the penguins.
:'''Steele's Musher''': ''[after a large wave destroys the ship and rocks the waters]'' Don't worry, Cowboy, a little water never hurt the penguins.
:''[The penguins return to land]''
:'''Narrator''': The penguins swiftly returned to their land to discover, a little to their surprise, that they were all unharmed.
:'''Scamper''': Hi, Cowboy!
:'''Narrator''': The scientists felt deep disgrace for the greed of his fellow man. He hoped that the work he had done during the summer at the scientific outpost would help to protect these gentle penguins.
:'''Steele's Musher''': Well, Cowboy, these sailors brought it upon themselves. Their own guns turned against them this time, you lucky penguins. They live another year without being harmed by men.
:''[After a few months, the three penguins have eventually grown into complete grown adults. Scamper and Snowflake's faces are now one solid color, and they have grown taller. They are all mourning the deaths of the penguins that sacrifice themselves in the battle against the poachers]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': We were all lucky to escape with our lives in the battle against the bad men.
:''[The penguins all bow their heads in solemn despair]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': Soon it will be dark and cold again, but we have to look forward to next year, we will need a new leader. We'll need someone very brave and has an adventurous spirit. That's why I plan to nominate Scamper!
:'''Scamper''': Who, me?
:''[The other penguins agree with this idea. Being the son of our previous leader, and having such an adventurous spirit as his can prove useful]''
:'''Mr. Feather''': Yes, I have appointed many of our leaders and I know that you'll do a best job.
:'''Louie''': We know that you can count on Scamper!
:'''Snowflake''': Oh, Scamper, I'm so proud of you!
:'''Gracie''': This is a wonderful fact, Scamper.
:'''Scamper''': Louie, what about you? Can you stay and help me?
:'''Louie''': You'll manage alright. I have my own home to find. Farewell, Scamper!
:''[He leaves, and walks off into the grand unknown]''
:'''Penguins''': Farewell, Louie!
:'''Narrator''': It was the ending of one time and the beginning of another. The season of dark and cold once again came upon Antarctica. The scientists returned to their homes. Louie set out to find his family while Scamper led his flock of penguins back to the ocean to spend the long winter as they always had in the protection and abundance of the sea.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:1986 animated films]]</text>
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        <id>3160827</id>
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      <text bytes="16856" sha1="3bus02ets1gzg9y1wwlhm8968o4m5t8" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work)'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques'''
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise |'''braflix.bz, sflix.hair'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo''  
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' |123movies123.quest, 
* ''Into The Lions Den''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes'' 
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963111</id>
      <parentid>3963096</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T15:16:30Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
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      <origin>3963111</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16831" sha1="q8tajerj6xp8f19x3pmnd6tgwokorkx" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work)'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques'''
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise |'''braflix.bz, sflix.hair'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo''  
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' |123movies123.quest, 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes'' 
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963118</id>
      <parentid>3963111</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T16:01:12Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16803" sha1="5rczs3148pdanq4dod1g00gkypz7k61" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work)'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques'''
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise |'''braflix.bz, sflix.hair'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo''  
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' |123movies123.quest, 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>5rczs3148pdanq4dod1g00gkypz7k61</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963123</id>
      <parentid>3963118</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T16:15:37Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* D */</comment>
      <origin>3963123</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16818" sha1="dxt6n3m99e91nzedqrs6p7u5imic72v" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques'''
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise |'''braflix.bz, sflix.hair'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo''  
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' |123movies123.quest, 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>dxt6n3m99e91nzedqrs6p7u5imic72v</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963125</id>
      <parentid>3963123</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T16:17:05Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16839" sha1="99v2w1ohx13sb8qp8msl2izrt8rryxu" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques'''
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise |'''braflix.bz, sflix.hair'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo''  
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' |123movies123.quest, 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>99v2w1ohx13sb8qp8msl2izrt8rryxu</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963179</id>
      <parentid>3963125</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T19:22:07Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* B */</comment>
      <origin>3963179</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16854" sha1="t8801ns658uo8mnnlf0zkhk8k770ubi" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques'''
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise |'''braflix.bz, sflix.hair'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo''  
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' |123movies123.quest, 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>t8801ns658uo8mnnlf0zkhk8k770ubi</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963180</id>
      <parentid>3963179</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T19:27:22Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* I */</comment>
      <origin>3963180</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16869" sha1="phwaounq2yhane33d1l7v1qc2lgs042" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise |'''braflix.bz, sflix.hair'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo''  
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' |123movies123.quest, 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>phwaounq2yhane33d1l7v1qc2lgs042</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963182</id>
      <parentid>3963180</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T19:32:39Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* P */</comment>
      <origin>3963182</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16884" sha1="mhis4dy8q2kmatxvjh96nkvwssza7y7" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise |'''braflix.bz, sflix.hair'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo''  
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' |123movies123.quest, 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>mhis4dy8q2kmatxvjh96nkvwssza7y7</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963183</id>
      <parentid>3963182</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T19:35:36Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* W */</comment>
      <origin>3963183</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16898" sha1="to6j5s1qrqjzcme1piwc6mxoeuxd4ix" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo''  
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' |123movies123.quest, 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963188</id>
      <parentid>3963183</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T19:47:27Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* S */</comment>
      <origin>3963188</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16920" sha1="6dzt7opbyy4ktf3ypn6ye13suyk7z4x" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo''  
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' |123movies123.quest, 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>6dzt7opbyy4ktf3ypn6ye13suyk7z4x</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963191</id>
      <parentid>3963188</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T19:56:34Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* T */</comment>
      <origin>3963191</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16884" sha1="o72gdj2h80wbj1v996o1zlcb223cw1m" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo''  
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' |123movies123.quest, 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>o72gdj2h80wbj1v996o1zlcb223cw1m</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963193</id>
      <parentid>3963191</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:01:17Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* W */</comment>
      <origin>3963193</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16898" sha1="92b9kf2ku1nnu9x62kxcou8f30rhj4h" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' |123movies123.quest, 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>92b9kf2ku1nnu9x62kxcou8f30rhj4h</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963194</id>
      <parentid>3963193</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:12:04Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
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      <text bytes="16918" sha1="a1p5kzfptls2vbyjg6r5weh8c0vurq4" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' |123movies123.quest, 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>a1p5kzfptls2vbyjg6r5weh8c0vurq4</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963196</id>
      <parentid>3963194</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:13:55Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* I */</comment>
      <origin>3963196</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16938" sha1="nxwpeev7kuh5d72pfmt02doag9ma7fh" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' '''123movies123.quest, streamm4u.vip,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>nxwpeev7kuh5d72pfmt02doag9ma7fh</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963197</id>
      <parentid>3963196</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:17:11Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* M */</comment>
      <origin>3963197</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16939" sha1="cnh434y4ha7ohm190w05zl7780hjm3d" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' '''123movies123.quest, streamm4u.vip,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wilds Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>cnh434y4ha7ohm190w05zl7780hjm3d</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963202</id>
      <parentid>3963197</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:40:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* R */</comment>
      <origin>3963202</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16959" sha1="heq18so3hy9imierxosz6sa8n97y5ar" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' '''123movies123.quest, streamm4u.vip,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wilds Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes'' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
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      <id>3963203</id>
      <parentid>3963202</parentid>
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        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16931" sha1="nf69ez9ti7hile7381y8kswlb4xwv9a" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' '''123movies123.quest, streamm4u.vip,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wilds Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes'' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>nf69ez9ti7hile7381y8kswlb4xwv9a</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963209</id>
      <parentid>3963203</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:54:11Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* C */</comment>
      <origin>3963209</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16943" sha1="2t2xshjzusq0ga8wjl1sx3l5b86pp65" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'', en.ytstv.bz
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' '''123movies123.quest, streamm4u.vip,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wilds Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes'' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963210</id>
      <parentid>3963209</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:55:14Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
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      <text bytes="16956" sha1="l1e6f2rp8u7a9loz0hh0ugkblaqzpt8" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'', en.ytstv.bz
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip,en.ytstv.bz, )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Snake 
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' '''123movies123.quest, streamm4u.vip,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wilds Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes'' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963227</id>
      <parentid>3963210</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T21:59:56Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
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      <text bytes="16939" sha1="8o2i2zwn9rre9fi9u3rjtamiqgz3b6w" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'', en.ytstv.bz
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip,en.ytstv.bz, )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' '''123movies123.quest, streamm4u.vip,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wilds Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes'' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>8o2i2zwn9rre9fi9u3rjtamiqgz3b6w</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963228</id>
      <parentid>3963227</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T22:00:25Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <origin>3963228</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16965" sha1="3o3ez1vpfh8l3oqd35axbwg9d5352j5" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Super Snake 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'', en.ytstv.bz
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip,en.ytstv.bz, )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' '''123movies123.quest, streamm4u.vip,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wilds Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes'' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>3o3ez1vpfh8l3oqd35axbwg9d5352j5</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963234</id>
      <parentid>3963228</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T22:41:27Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* T */</comment>
      <origin>3963234</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16935" sha1="pzqc99ci64u195cfvxr8rkb58efwius" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Super Snake 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'', en.ytstv.bz
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip,en.ytstv.bz, )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' '''123movies123.quest, streamm4u.vip,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wilds Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes'' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>pzqc99ci64u195cfvxr8rkb58efwius</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963251</id>
      <parentid>3963234</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-11T00:33:26Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* L */</comment>
      <origin>3963251</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16955" sha1="dcoe0dcygvf4bno94f3fvrz19f6zl8g" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Super Snake 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'', en.ytstv.bz
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip,en.ytstv.bz, )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest''', broodingmovies.com
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,'''
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' '''123movies123.quest, streamm4u.vip,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wilds Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes'' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>dcoe0dcygvf4bno94f3fvrz19f6zl8g</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963256</id>
      <parentid>3963251</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-11T00:46:38Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* K */</comment>
      <origin>3963256</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16975" sha1="jwd6ka3re46g6hzl1leuwb5s2wkt7a6" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Super Snake 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'', en.ytstv.bz
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip,en.ytstv.bz, )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest''', broodingmovies.com
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,''', broodingmovies.com
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest'''
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' '''123movies123.quest, streamm4u.vip,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wilds Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes'' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>jwd6ka3re46g6hzl1leuwb5s2wkt7a6</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963258</id>
      <parentid>3963256</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-11T00:51:24Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* A */</comment>
      <origin>3963258</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16995" sha1="25cikoa12j62jq1sasd7jngqv7xl2r0" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Super Snake 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'', en.ytstv.bz
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip,en.ytstv.bz, )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest''', broodingmovies.com
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,''', broodingmovies.com
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest''', broodingmovies.com
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' '''123movies123.quest, streamm4u.vip,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wilds Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes'' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>25cikoa12j62jq1sasd7jngqv7xl2r0</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963262</id>
      <parentid>3963258</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-11T01:15:15Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* B */</comment>
      <origin>3963262</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17015" sha1="9qcgddonsvpzma0ljp31pmtxbxpffgt" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}         
'''&lt;big&gt;A&lt;/big&gt;'''                     
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Lost Eden'' 
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Super Snake 
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''| 
* ''Cheetah Fatal Instinct&quot; (youtube)
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (youtube)   
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld | '''xtubeflix.com'', en.ytstv.bz
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish''
* ''Dino Bird '''(movies2watch.biz,123movie.work,streamm4u.vip,en.ytstv.bz, )'''                                                               
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Emperors of The Ice
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals '''www.cineby.at,''' 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' '''ww5.tinyzone.org''', '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Shadow Cat
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kangaroo Kaos (has episodes)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Lion Kingdom'' '''123movies123.quest''', broodingmovies.com
* ''Lemur Island'' | bflix.se
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''|watch.cinewave.qzz.io, 
* ''Leopards of Dead Tree Island'' ✓
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' | 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Puma ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza'' 
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
* ''Return of The Clouded Leopard
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''Swam Lions '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Super Pride '''sflix.hair'''
* ''South Africa'' 
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' '''movieseq.com, sflix.hair'''
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''Tiger's Revenge''
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic ✓
* ''Wild Chile''  
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wolf vs Bear ✓ 
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' '''(ihavenotv.com)'''
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' '''(moviemoza.com, movies2watch.biz, ihavenotv.com,123movie.work,123moviewe.com)'''
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep
* ''Wild Untamed Brazil '''sflix.hair'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''Attack of the Killer Bees''
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bear Island '''sflix.hair'''
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' uflix.to, streamm4u.vip, broodingmovies.com
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Devils of The Deep: The Giant Squad
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Equators wild secrets (has episodes)
* ''Expedition Great White'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon: The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '''123movies123.ques''', streamm4u.vip
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''In Search of The Jaguar 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom Of The Apes 
* ''Kingdom of The Blue Whale '''themoviebox.org,''', broodingmovies.com
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Last Stand of The Great Bear
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps'' ✓
* ''Moose: Titans of the North''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
* ''Panda's The Journey Home (123movieslive.top, streamm4u.vip)
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Sharks Reef Rivals ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Unlikely Leopard  ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Japan'' 
* ''Whales in Crisis''
* ''Winged seduction birds of paradise '''braflix.bz, sflix.hair, streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Returns to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''A Perfect Planet'' '''123movies123.quest''', broodingmovies.com
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Cat 24/7  ||
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys'' |'''braflix.bz'''
* ''Bears: Spy In The Woods | 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties''  ✓
* ''Deep Blue'' ✓
* ''Dynasties II'' 
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies 
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' '''ihavenotv?,hd-feemovie.com , azmovies.net'''
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) '''ww5.tinyzone.org'''
* ''Earth's Great River's'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' '''ihavenotv'''
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' '''ihavenotv, themoviebox.org,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''  movies24free.com'''
* ''Great Barrier Reef' (azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (theflixer.sx)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' '''azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (123movies9.surf)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' ✓
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' ✓
* ''Mirco Monsters'' (ihavenotv, azmovies.net, ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) '''hdtodayz.to''', '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' '''themoviebox.org'''
* ''Our Planet'' '''flixq? ihavenotv.com, Netflix on YouTube?'''
* ''Ocean Giants'' '''ihavenotv.com'''
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Operation Snow Tiger'' '''theflixer.sx,''' 
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III''  ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''  '''solarmoviesz.com'''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle '''allmovieshub.express,123movies123.quest'''
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' 
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' 
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me'' '''solarmoviesz.com'''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II'' ✓
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Ocean  (123movieslive.top )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Secrets of Wild India '''streamm4u.vip''', 
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) 
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants'' '''ww8.watchseriesfree.co'''
* ''Tiger Island''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
* ''The Rise of Black Wolf''✓
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) azmovies.net, themoviebox.org. ww4.seeflix.to
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Spring 
* ''Wild China'' 
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Tokyo'' (streamm4u.vip)
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild West: America's Great Frontier  ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' '''ww4.seeflix.to''', 
{{Col-end}}
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: '' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride '' '''123movies123.quest, streamm4u.vip,''' 
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor '''www.azmovies.net, ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wilds Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''| ww8.watchseriesfree.com
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes'' '''streamm4u.vip'''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' 
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Costa Rica'' (solarmoviesz.com, 
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' '''theflixer.sx''', ww4.seeflix.to
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net, '''ww4.seeflix.to'''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals'' '''theflixer.sx'''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>9qcgddonsvpzma0ljp31pmtxbxpffgt</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Augustus Taber Murray</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>273710</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963120</id>
      <parentid>3944626</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T16:06:09Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Ficaia</username>
        <id>3085955</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3963120</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="1610" sha1="pwyehyxv8n6db5ahgybnfwcbi20esed" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Augustus Taber Murray}}''' (1866–1940) was an American classical philologist and translator and a Quaker minister. He was Professor of Greek at Stanford University for forty years.

== Quotes ==
* He who would know [[Homer]] must approach him with an open mind and lend himself to the guidance of the poet himself. He must not come to the study of the poems with a preconceived notion of the processes by which they have come into being, or of philological or archaeological criteria for determining the relative age of this episode or of that. The reconstructed ''Iliads'' are all figments of the imagination; the existent poem is a tangible fact. To this extent the unbiassed student starts as a &quot;unitarian.&quot; If he but yields himself to the spell of the poem, he will become the more confirmed in his faith; and though he may find much of the learning of the world arrayed against him, yet he will none the less be standing in a goodly company of those whom the [[Muse]] has loved, and will himself have heard the voice of the goddess and looked upon her face.
** From the Introduction to ''The Iliad'', [https://archive.org/details/iliadmurray01homeuoft/page/xiv/mode/2up vol. 1], [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL]] 39 (1924), pp. xiv–xv

== External links ==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Murray, Augustus Taber}}
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Quakers]]
[[Category:1866 births]]
[[Category:1940 deaths]]
[[Category:Philologists]]
[[Category:Translators from the United States]]
[[Category:Stanford University faculty]]
[[Category:Translators of Homer]]</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963128</id>
      <parentid>3963120</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T16:22:24Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Ficaia</username>
        <id>3085955</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3963128</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2624" sha1="294qbwp9388wt25u3etst3rjtq5l5ww" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Augustus Taber Murray}}''' (1866–1940) was an American classical philologist and translator and a Quaker minister. He was Professor of Greek at Stanford University for forty years.

== Quotes ==

=== ''The Odyssey'' (1918) ===

* Tell me, O Muse, of the man of many devices, who wandered full many ways after he had sacked the sacred citadel of Troy. Many were the men whose cities he saw and whose mind he learned, aye, and many the woes he suffered in his heart upon the sea, seeking to win his own life and the return of his comrades. Yet even so he saved not his comrades, though he desired it sore, for through their own blind folly they perished—fools, who devoured the kine of Helios Hyperion; but he took from them the day of their returning. Of these things, goddess, daughter of Zeus, beginning where thou wilt, tell thou even unto us.
** Bk. 1, l. 1

=== ''The Iliad'' (1924) ===

* He who would know [[Homer]] must approach him with an open mind and lend himself to the guidance of the poet himself. He must not come to the study of the poems with a preconceived notion of the processes by which they have come into being, or of philological or archaeological criteria for determining the relative age of this episode or of that. The reconstructed ''Iliads'' are all figments of the imagination; the existent poem is a tangible fact. To this extent the unbiassed student starts as a &quot;unitarian.&quot; If he but yields himself to the spell of the poem, he will become the more confirmed in his faith; and though he may find much of the learning of the world arrayed against him, yet he will none the less be standing in a goodly company of those whom the [[Muse]] has loved, and will himself have heard the voice of the goddess and looked upon her face.
** Introduction &lt;!-- pp. xiv–xv --&gt;

* The wrath do thou sing, O goddess, of Peleus’ son, Achilles, that baneful wrath which brought countless woes upon the Achaeans, and sent forth to Hades many valiant souls of warriors, and made themselves to be a spoil for dogs and all manner of birds; and thus the will of Zeus was being brought to fulfilment;—sing thou thereof from the time when at the first there parted in strife Atreus’ son, king of men, and goodly Achilles.
** Bk. 1, l. 1

== External links ==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Murray, Augustus Taber}}
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Quakers]]
[[Category:1866 births]]
[[Category:1940 deaths]]
[[Category:Philologists]]
[[Category:Translators from the United States]]
[[Category:Stanford University faculty]]
[[Category:Translators of Homer]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <id>3963114</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-07-10T15:25:46Z</timestamp>
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        <username>~2026-38971-35</username>
        <id>3348959</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06] */</comment>
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      <text bytes="82848" sha1="0zgzxa80t9f6yusi7peks6elpqelfos" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman.

------
==Season 1==
===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''===
:'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure.
:'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns.
:'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under!
:'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food!
:'''Paper''': Yeah!
:'''Scissors''': We got this.


''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of &quot;Happy Birthday&quot;]''

'''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you.

'''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song!

'''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you!

''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]''

'''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see!

''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]''


'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]''

'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?!

'''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick.

'''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick.

''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]''

'''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together.

'''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together.

'''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]''

===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''===
:''[The trio are doing meditation poses until they're interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]''
:'''Rock''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Scissors &amp; Paper''': ''[darkly]'' The Rat Bros.
:''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers?
:'''Rock''': Losers?
:'''Paper''': Come on.
:'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool.
:'''Paper''': What is going on in there?!
:'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks.
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]''
:'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me.
:'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool.

===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''===
:'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]''
:
:
:'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates?
:'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration?
:'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses?
:'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses?
:'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well.
:''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]''
:
:'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]''

===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game.
:''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors.
:'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]''
:'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall.
:'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing.
:'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts.
:''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]''
:'''Rock''': I am not good at this game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]''
:'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in.
:'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord!
:'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage.
:'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad.
:'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash.
:''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]''
:'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants?
:'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it &quot;croi-ssant.&quot; Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''&quot;Oops! Please stand by&quot;''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse!

===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''===
:'''Scissors''': The Susan is right.
:'''Rock''': The Susan is always right.
:'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember?
:'''Rock''': We're sorry.
:'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you.
:'''Paper''': Can you forgive us?
:
:
:
:
:
:'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions!
:'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this.
:'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out!
:'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows!

===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''===
:'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits.
:'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one.
:'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything?
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses.
:'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to.
:'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us.
:'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job.
:'''Rock''': Awesome!
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or-
:'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper.
:'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet?
:'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes.
:'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field.
:'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created.
:'''Rock''': No!
:'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good.
:'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having!
:'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!!

===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''===
:'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here?
:'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top.
:'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''&quot;If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps.&quot;'''''
:'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive.
:''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]''
:'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent!
:'''Rock''': Lou!
:'''Paper''': Hold on!
:'''Scissors''': Give us a second!
:'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it.
:'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you &quot;set&quot; the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum.
:'''Rock''': You don't got it either.
:'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature.
:'''Scissors''': Name one book.
:'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone.
:''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying &quot;I'm ''raising'' the rent!&quot;]''
:'''Rock''': Mittens!
:'''Paper''': Come on!
:'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days.
:''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]''
:'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom.
:'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom!
:'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped!
:'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps.
:'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you &quot;run hot.&quot;
:'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold.
:'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously.

&lt;hr width=&quot;y50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe.
:'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold?
:'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run…
:'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, &quot;Good job, son&quot;? Wait, that's what I want.
:'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now?
:'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war!
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking.
:'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate!
:'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]''
:'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy?
:'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button!
:'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing!
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]''
:'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
:''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop!
:'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too.
:'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]''
:'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]''
:'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought.
:'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch!
:''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: &quot;I'm a TV&quot;; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz!
:''[Rock smiles sheepishly]''
:'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one.
:'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him.
:'''Rock''': We should hang out more.
:'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning!
:'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning?
:'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]''
:''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]''
:'''Paper''': What?
:'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society.
:'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said.
:'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them.
:'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech?
:'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]''
:'''Rock''': Whoo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]''

===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber.

===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''===
:'''Better Rock, Paper, &amp; Scissors''': Hello!
:'''Scissors''': Oh, boy.
:'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in!
:'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours.
:'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV.
:'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends.
:'''Rock, Paper &amp; Scissors''': Ugh.
:'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': I don't understand.
:'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?!
:'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow.
:''[Scissors yells in rage]''
:'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings?
:''[The better trio fly back to the couch]''
:'''Rock''': You fly too?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': We can live like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?!
:'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool!
:'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic!
:'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons!
:'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this!
:'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW!
:'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!''

===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''===
:'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked.
:'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy?
:'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why?

===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''===
:'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards!
:'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate.
:'''Rock''': Who?
:'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track.
:'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan.
:'''Scissors''': That year was awesome!
:'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character.
:''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]''
:'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''&quot;Rocko, Paper, Scissors&quot;?''
:'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay.
:'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' &quot;Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he.&quot; ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression.
:'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain?
:'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in  medical scrubs]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[bitter with jealousy]'' So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes.
:'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean?
:'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful.
:'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears.
:'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas.
:'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope?
:'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now?
:'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath.
:'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper!
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day?
:'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes.
:'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did!
:'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you.
:'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]''
:'''Paper''': What are you wearing?
:'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player.
:'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're…
:'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor!
:'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison!
:'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work!

===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''===
:'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met?
:'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain.
:''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries.
:'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac.
:'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you.
:'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say.
:'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley.
:'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''&quot;Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!&quot;''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]''
:'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from?
:'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: &quot;The Gang's All Here&quot; and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]''
:'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]''
:'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave.
:'''Rock''': See?
:'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie!
:'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant.
:'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave!
:'''Scissors''': Sure.
:'''Logan''': I see that.
:'''Paper''': Me too.
:'''Rock''': How? How do you see that?
:'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party.
:'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive.
:'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too?
:'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out.
:'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?!
:'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie.
:'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Female Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house?
:'''Female Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party!
:''[Paper sighs in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said.
:'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspicious]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]''
:'''Female Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior.
:'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio!
:'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake!
:'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars.
:'''Paper''': What is this show?
:'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh?
:'''Paper''': ''[pleading for mercy]'' I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me!
:'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana?
:'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you.
:'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character.
:'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad.

===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''===
:'''Paper''': It's &quot;The Paper Show&quot;! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.
:'''Scissors''': Jacket!
:'''Paper''': Can I get another word?
:'''Pencil''': Circus!
:'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?
:'''Rock''': Kumquat!
:''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]''
:'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say &quot;Paper&quot;, you say &quot;rules&quot;. Paper-
:'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, &amp; Lou''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.
:''[everyone gasps in horror]''
:'''Rock''': What did you say?
:'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny.
:''[everyone gasps again]''
:'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers?
:'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets?
:'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties?
:'''Paper''': Ew, what? No.
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny.

===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' ===
:'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on?
:'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy!
:'''Rock''': Whoa.
:'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]''
:'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry.
:'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always.
:''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' 
:'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm.
:'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm.
:'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school.
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]''
:'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper.
:'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, &quot;I was right&quot; like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me?
:'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm.

===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on!
:'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them?


'''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn!

'''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! 
:'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! 
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub?
:'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.
:'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:
:'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.
:''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.
:'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! 
:
:'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub.
:
:
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub!
:'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub.
:''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.
:'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby!
:'''Rock''': Oh.
:'''Scissors''': Right.
:'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that.

===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''===
:'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal?
:'''Paper''': Whatever, it works.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure.
:'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions.
:'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year.
:'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''&quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot;''.
:'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success!
:'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself.
:''[Scissors moans in disappointment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs.
:'''Rock''': You did what?!
:''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching &quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot; while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary.
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]''
:'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there?
:'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds!
:'''Scissors &amp; Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]''
:''[Words appear reading: '''&quot;Don't try this at home. Obviously.&quot;''']''
:'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Convenient News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like.
:''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]''
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back!
:'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back!
:'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is.
:'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that.
:'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right.
:'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified.
:'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him.
:''[Rock sits next to her and glares at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''&quot;Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, &quot;Rock Paper Scissors&quot;, Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading]'' '''&quot;He ''rarely'' learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior.&quot;'''
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''&quot;This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately.&quot;''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks.
:'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me?
:''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to &quot;Rock Paper Nutso&quot;]''
:'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso!

===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]''
:'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day!
:'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday.
:'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors.
:'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays?
:'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is!
:'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day.
:'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake.
:'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please.
:''[The representatives all laugh]''
:'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one.
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.
:'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[sulking as cars behind him are stuck in traffic]'' Go around, I've had a bad day!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full.
:'''Rock''': Well, just put it down.
:'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing.
:'''Paper''': Scissors!
:''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nice Scissors''': I don't see what the big deal is. It's just putting away some groceries.
:'''Scissors Citizen''': Oh, sure, first you're putting away groceries. Next you're donating a kidney!
:''[All the Scissors in the court shout angrily]''
:'''Chairman Scissors''': ''[banging the gavel]'' Order! Order! Have you forgotten ''why'' we don't help? Don't you remember the Ice Cream incident? ''[inserts the tape into a VCR]''
:''[The footage shows Young Scissors standing in line at an ice cream stand]''
:'''Young Scissors''': ''[to a little girl; politely]'' You can cut in front of me if you want.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping?
:'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs sinisterly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Firefighter Scissors''': There it is! Step on it!
:''[The fire truck pulls up at a fast food drive-thru]''
:'''Firefighter Scissors #2''': We'll have six burgers.
:'''Drive-Thru Employee Scissors''': Make 'em yourself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nice Scissors''': ''[talking to Wife Scissors]'' Am I crazy? Should I just vote not to help?
:'''Wife Scissors''': Yes! It's like Chairman Scissors always says, &quot;The world is a dark place. Helping leads to hurt.&quot;
:'''Nice Scissors''': But how do we know for sure?
:'''Wife Scissors''': Here, hand me some water. ''[Nice Scissors offers her a glass of water and she smacks it into his face]'' See what happens when you try to help?
:'''Nice Scissors''': Could've just taken the water.
:'''Wife Scissors''': You're not making any sense. Just go back to watching TV and try to live in with that horrible feeling we all have.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]''
:'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]''
:'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day.

===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''===
:'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened?
:'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb.
:'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?!
''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]''

'''Paper''': No! Please! Please!

'''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time.

'''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No!

'''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying &quot;Gotcha&quot;] [happy]'' Gotcha!

'''Paper''': What?

'''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good!

'''Paper''': What the heck is going on?

'''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time.

'''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you.

'''Paper''': What?!

'''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners.

'''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper?

'''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger!

'''Scissors''': It's just a joke.

'''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny.

'''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny.

'''Scissors''': Not a one of us.

''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]''

===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''===
:'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful.
:'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation.
:'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure.
:'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along.
:'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's.

===''Trash [1.20]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell?
:'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock.
:'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash?
:'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it.
:'''Paper''': No, do it now.
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something?

==Season 2==
===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''===
===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''===

===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''===
===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': You wanna go home?
:'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade?
:'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this.
:'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' &quot;A&quot;?
:'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less.
:'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an &quot;A&quot;, an &quot;A-plus&quot;, with a good job sticker on top!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]''
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa!
:'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade!
:''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]''
:'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care.
:'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class!
:''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]''
:'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies.
:'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics?
:'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': Lou, are you okay?!
:'''Lou''': I saw my life flash before my eyes! So much yelling and rent raising, but a lot of bad things too!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': ''[vengefully]'' I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down!
:'''Scissors''': Not if I take ''you'' down first.
:'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant!
:'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead!
:'''Catalina''': I HATE YOU SO MUCH!
:'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE!
:''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]''
:'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you.
:'''Rock''': What is happening with them?!

===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''===
:''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]''
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and…
:'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE!
:'''Pencil''': What?! Why?!
:'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to!
:'''Rock''': No, I said, &quot;Don't do that!&quot;
:'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year.
:'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out.
:'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his butt, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie!
:'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff!
:'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!
:'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy!
:'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL!
:'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS!

===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''===
:''[The trio hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor while Rock is playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party?
:'''Rock''': They are such jerks!
:'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society.
:'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again.
:''[They are then standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse, and Scissors knocks on the door]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud?
:'''Paper''': Tutoring?
:'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows them his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report.
:'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience.
:''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]''
:'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys!
:'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself!
:'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse.
:'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool!
:''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]''
:'''Logan''': ''[laughing along with his brothers]'' Did you see how upset they were?
:'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working!
:'''Derf''': We are such jerks!
:'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[suddenly confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids?
:'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool.
:'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody?
:'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower?
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Little Red Riding Hood''': Grandmother, what big eyes you have.
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': ''[in disguise]'' All the better to see you with, my dear.
:'''Rock''': ''[jumps onto the bed and takes the bonnet off the wolf's head, exposing him]'' It's a wolf, lady!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]''
:'''Logan''': ''[crossly]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[throws the newspaper on the ground and marches over to the weight bench to do a set]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them!
:'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying…
:'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off!
:'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society.
:'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses.
:'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering.
:'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments.
:''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]''
:'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; outraged]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore! ''[throws the newspaper on the ground, the same way Logan did before]''
:'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it falls onto the street, splashing some people in garbage]''
:'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse looks at him and shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds!
:'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all!
:'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do!
:'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]''
:'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys.
:'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win.
:'''Logan''': What do you mean?
:'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode.
:'''Derf''': Yes!
:'''Brogan''': Sweet!
:'''Logan''': All right!
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[feeling down, quietly]'' Nice, bro.
:''[Logan and Brogan walk away in the opposite direction]''
:'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's behavior; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay?
:'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right?
:'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive.
:'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback starts with him in his shift as he puts some prostheses on a limbless patient named Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out.
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his prostheses, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh, my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years!
:'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened.
:'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given.
:'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really--
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life!
:'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good.
:'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO!
:''[Back to the present]''
:'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy.
:'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure?
:'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank!
:'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know!
:'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing! Those homes would help so many people.
:'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]''
:'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales?
:'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Before the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention at the Nobel Prize ceremony, Brody attempts to sneak into backstage and fix it, but runs into a deeply betrayed Logan, who found out about his conversation with Derf]''
:'''Brody''': ''[hesitantly]'' Logan!
:'''Logan''': ''[coldly]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your &quot;nice, bro&quot; chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.''
:'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference.
:'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring.
:'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode.
:'''Logan''': Spot me.
:'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?!
:'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody reluctantly obliges and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?!
:'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of.
:'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal?
:'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[storms off home]''
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode?
:'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know.
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?!
:'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset for home as Brody smiles, realizing that his conversation changed his mind]''
:'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the stirrup of the horse's saddle]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]''
:'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her?
:'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Convenient News Reporter''': The album is already a huge hit, and the whole world hates Scissors. He's on the cover of ''Time'' magazine for &quot;Most Hated Man of the Year.&quot;
:''[The magazine shows Scissors on the cover with his straight-forward, front-facing angle]''
:'''Scissors''': Ah, they used that angle!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news of becoming the most hated person on Earth]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing an angry crowd, booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV!
:'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]''
:'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]''
:'''Driver #3''': ''[throwing out a bucket of snakes at him]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[returns to the apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]''
:'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online.
:'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff.
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me.
:'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here.
:'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[apologizing to everyone after hearing the song]'' I just heard the song for the first time, and I understand why you and Lolly are upset (with me). I was so consumed by my desire to be loved that I didn't see I was taking advantage of her fame. It was selfish and immature, and I never want to hurt anyone like that again. I'm truly, truly sorry. Will you accept my apology?
:''[After a brief moment…]''
:'''Everyone''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but he doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!'''''
:'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]''
:''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]''
:'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly.
:'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible.
:'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten.
:'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not!
:'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]''
:'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think?
:'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass.
:'''Lolly''': What?
:'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]''
:'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that.

===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''===
:''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' phones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]''
:'''Rock''': Hey!
:'''Scissors''': Give it back!
:'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones.
:'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros are in Derf's room, hearing the trio arguing from under after drawing on Derf's face with a marker while he's asleep]''
:'''Logan''': Those guys are so inconceivable.

===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''===
:'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, and pats him on the head, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy!
:'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog?
:'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch!
:'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball.
:'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing!
:'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog.
:'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy?
:'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[as the veterinarian checks his ears]'' This is great! They got rid of all my worms and fleas!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': How is none of this bothering you? Don't you feel shame?
:'''Scissors''': Normally? Every waking second. But all that shame goes away when I'm surrounded by expensive things.
:'''Franz''': ''[off-screen]'' Doggie! I got you a new toy! ''[presents Scissors a helicopter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[laughs]'' I don't know what he thinks a dog is, but I wanna keep being one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[While the trio are fighting against Dr. Big Bat over a big strawberry, Paper gets a reminder on his phone for his annual family get-together]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, no.
:'''Scissors''': What?
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': What? What is it?
:'''Paper''': I totally forgot. Today's my annual family get-together.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Oh, well, we can reschedule, if you need to go.
:'''Paper''': No, it's not that. It's… ''[sighs deeply]'' I come from a family of ''very'' high achievers. There's my sister, Sandpaper, an action movie star. My brother, Toilet Paper, a popular stand-up comedian. My mom, Newspaper, an award-winning journalist. My dad, Parchment Paper, a famous pastry chef. And then there's me… the dud.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Wait, why is your name the only one that's not a specific type of paper?
:'''Paper''': I actually go by my middle name. My full name's Plain Paper.
:'''Scissors''': What?! ''[laughs]'' That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! I'm gonna get as much mileage out of that as possible!
:'''Paper''': Every time we get together, my family goes around the table and says what they accomplished in the last year. Everyone says something incredible until it gets to me. I share something stupid… then my family says, &quot;Wow, Paper. That's really something.&quot; And then they give me a cookie. I've always wanted to do something incredible, but nothing I do is. And don't want to be humiliated again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper arrives at his family home where his family is in the living room, watching home movies]''
:'''Newspaper''': You're just in time for home movies.
:'''Toilet Paper''': There I am, recording my first special.
:'''Sandpaper''': There I am, practicing my kicks.
:'''Newspaper''': And there's Paper. Is he gonna mix those chemicals?
:'''Toilet Paper''': ''[laughs]'' You always had the highest hospital bills.
:'''Parchment Paper''': ''[enters with a cake]'' Okay, time to eat. I hope everyone like Forever Cake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here?
:'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too?
:'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me.
:'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth.
:'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year?
:'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures.
:'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all.
:'''Paper''': It's not?
:'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that?
:'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible!
:'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said.

===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''===
:''[Inside Scissors' head, he is standing on the beach, gazing at the cow-tsunami coming towards him]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[sadly]'' Our tradition is ruined. We don't have snacks, my friends are gone, and I'm just a cow. A big, dumb cow.
:'''Max''': Then take off the costume.
:'''Scissors''': I can't, Max. I'm only wearing underwear.
:'''Max''': ''[kneels down to him]'' You can still get the job done. Because what do I always say?
:'''Scissors &amp; Max''': Everybody gets down sometimes, but the important thing is to get back up, because up is the opposite of down and staying down just means you've given up, but I never give up, I only get down, because I'm Max Moonami, the guy who rides cows.
:'''Max''': That's right.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Max… thanks.
:'''Max''': Don't thank me, Scissors. I just exist in your head.
:'''Scissors''': Wait, so I ''can't'' do it?
:'''Max''': Uh, don't think about it. ''[to the camera]'' Quick. Zoom out! Zoom out!
:''[Zoom out of Scissors' head; He takes off his cow costume and sets it down on the three reserved seats for Rock, Paper, and himself, leaving him in his underwear]''
:'''Scissors''': Nobody sit here!

===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''===
:'''Scissors''': Guys, you should be happy for me. I've been searching forever to find my defining thing, and I really think this is it.
:'''Rock''': In fairness, you say that a lot. Remember when you thought your thing was being a foreign translator?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': What the heck is going?! I came here to do evil, and now I'm just making smoothies!
:'''Dreamscape''': Yes, sometimes you have to open a juice shop to fund the evil-doing. What do you think I pay the henchmen with? Words of affirmation?
:'''Sheep Henchman''': Wouldn't mind it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dreamscape''': Scissors? What's wrong?
:'''Scissors''': I can't do this.
:'''Citizen''': Because you realized you don't want to hurt us and you're not actually evil?
:'''Scissors''': No. It's just… ''[steps forward]'' This plan took so long. I mean, months of tedious labor for one moment of excitement? I can't live like that. I… ''[sighs]'' I don't think I have the patience to be a supervillain. I really thought this was gonna be my defining thing, but now… I just feel lost.
:'''Citizen #2''': Hey, man, you'll find it.
:'''Dreamscape''': ''[steps forward and kneels down]'' Yeah, part of finding your thing is finding what your thing ''isn't.''
:'''Scissors''': ''[smiles lightly]'' You're right. I just gotta keep searching. Thank you, Dreamscape.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock is sitting on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket and an ice pack on his head, feeling really sick]''
:'''Paper''': ''[disgusted]'' Ugh, Rock, are you-- ''[Rock starts coughing]'' Are you-- ''[Rock coughs more and harder]'' Rock, are you okay?!
:'''Rock''': No. I got a nasty bug.
:'''Bug''': Hi, how ya doing?
:'''Scissors''': Gross.
:'''Bug''': Hey, I don't come to your work and call you gross. You know, 'cause you don't have a job.
:'''Scissors''': ''[sniffs sadly; voice breaking]'' Rock did say it was nasty.
:'''Rock''': I probably got it from working too much. Between Franz and the robot car wash…
:'''Paper''': You ''still'' work at the car wash?
:'''Rock''': I also worked at a climbing gym, but I just got fired.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Hiring Robot''': You call yourselves car washers? You can't even dance!
:'''Paper''': Are those things related?
:'''Female Robot Executive''': Of course, car washes are all about dancing, and you two better get your act together because Car Wash Nationals are this Sunday.
:'''Scissors''': Car Wash Nationals?
:'''Hiring Robot''': Yes, a competition where car washes are judged on dancing and washing that dates back to the 1920s.
:''[Quick scene shows the Car Wash Nationals from the 1920s]''
:'''Female Robot Executive''': It's the biggest sporting event in the country, and everyone's training for it.
:''[All car wash employees are training for the competition]''
:'''Paper''': This is ridiculous! That place has four people who are just back-up dancers and never touch the cars!
:'''Hiring Robot''': We've won the last two titles, and if we win this year, we'll be the first car wash to ever win the three-peat.
:'''Female Robot Executive''': This is our chance to make the history books. ''[sternly]'' So don't ruin it for us.
:'''Scissors''': Oh, man. She is blatantly hitting on me.
:''[Cut to the trio's apartment]''
:'''Paper''': Rock!
:'''Scissors''': You didn't tell us we were entering a dance competition!
:'''Rock''': I said it was an important time for the car wash. That wasn't clear?
:'''Paper &amp; Scissors''': NO!
:'''Rock''': But you said you'd cover for me.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, but we can't do this. We've practiced all day. We're not championship-level dancers!
:'''Bug''': You're telling me. I bet you don't even know the difference between a basket toss and a full-down.
:'''Paper''': Can he cover for you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': How can we have fun with it?! The stakes are enormous, and it's in front of MILLIONS OF PEOPLE!
:'''Bug''': I feel like they're not having fun with it.
:'''Paper''': ''[in unison]'' SHUT IT, BUG! This is your fault! Get your smug attitude outta here!
:'''Scissors''': ''[in unison]'' THAT'S ENOUGH! I am so sick of you! I will basket toss you outta here!
:'''Rock''': Guys, guys, relax. You're putting too much pressure on yourselves. All you have to do is learn the routine and end with the reverse triple corkscrew window wash.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Oh, man, this is the best team we could assemble? Lou, Potato, Female Birthday Cop, Creepo the Stinkboy, Sal Garbanzo, and a polar bear.
:'''Paper''': No one even knows the routine! Also, Lou told me he just had a big meal.
:'''Lou''': ''[stuffed]'' I cannot move.
:'''Scissors''': Oh, great. Now we're gonna humiliate ourselves in front of the whole world. Robo Car Wash won't make the history books, and we're gonna let down Rock.

==Season 3==
===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''===
===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''===
:'''Pencil''': ''[waking up, shouting loudly]'' EVERYONE, '''''PIPE DOWN!'''''

===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns on the lights after he and his friends make hand shadows]'' Gotta admit, we're a pretty incredible trio.
:'''Paper''': Oh, I meant to ask… I was looking up other fun stuff for us to try. Wanna go cherry picking?
:'''Rock''': Sure!
:'''Scissors''': ''[dumbfounded]'' Cherry picking?! I'd rather sleep next to a grizzly bear with violent night terrors.
:'''Paper''': Oh. Well, then--
:'''Scissors''': I'd rather wear underwear made of porcupine needles. I'd rather attend a 9-hour recital of beginner violinists. I would rather run a 10K in a hailstorm, naked on hot coals, and then clean the elephant pen at the zoo with my bare hands!
:'''Rock''': My goodness!
:'''Reporter''': One cherry picking trip later…
:'''Scissors''': ''[sitting in the sofa on his phone as his friends return]'' So, how was cherry picking? The pits? ''[snickers]''
:'''Rock''': No, it was so much fun!
:'''Paper''': And we really bonded!
:'''Scissors''': You did?

===''Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors / The Wish [3.04]''===

===''The Train Problem / Salmon Delivery for Ya [3.05]''===

===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''===
===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''===
===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''===
===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''===
===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''===

==Cast==
*[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors
*[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock
*[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper
*[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil
*[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg
*[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot
*[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer
*[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel
*[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato
*[[w:Eugene Cordero|Eugene Cordero]] – Putty
*[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan
*[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad
*[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter
*[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Female Robot Executive
*Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina
*[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly
*[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll
*[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket
*[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat
*Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper
*[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper
*Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper

[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]</text>
      <sha1>0zgzxa80t9f6yusi7peks6elpqelfos</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Rugrats (season 2)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>279057</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963252</id>
      <parentid>3961105</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-11T00:36:45Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-39156-28</username>
        <id>3349041</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Driving Miss Angelica/Susie vs. Angelica [2.25] */</comment>
      <origin>3963252</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="20571" sha1="qhef97s971wsd71uumlljw9nq72i6bi" xml:space="preserve">===''Toy Palace/Sand Ho!'' [2.1]===

===''Chuckie vs. the Potty/Together at Last'' [2.2]===
:''[The episode begins in the Pickles' bathroom, with a close-up of a roll of toilet paper. Tommy pulls the roll down with his hand and giggles. He then pulls it again, and lots toilet paper fills up the screen as he continues giggling. The screen fades to black, then in the next scene, it is revealed that the entire bathroom floor is covered in a lot of toilet paper. Tommy, who is now also covered in toilet paper, jumps and continues giggling until Didi runs in]''
:'''Didi''': Tommy!! Oh no, Snookums! That's for cleaning up messes, not making them.&quot; ''[Didi is now holding Tommy in her arm as she tosses the toilet paper in her hand onto the floor. She walks out of the bathroom, carrying Tommy. The camera zooms out, revealing the entire bathroom floor to be covered in lots and lots of toilet paper. In the living room, Phil and Lil are fighting over a toy robot as Didi carries Tommy by his armpits with both hands.]'' Now, you play out here with Phil and Lil, and before you know it, it'll be time for a nice nap. ''[Didi sets Tommy down in the playpen while Phil and Lil are still fighting over the toy robot.]'' Now share, you two! ''[The doorbell then rings.]'' That must be Charles Sr. and Chuckie.
:''[Didi walks towards the front door. Tommy pulls on the toy robot's head. Which opens the robot up, making him, Phil, and Lil all fall over as the toy robot rolls away and Phil turns his head to watch it, Lil does the same as well, while Tommy leans up to watch it. Didi, who is now at the front door, opens it. On the other side of the door, Chas is carrying Chuckie in his right hand and a clown potty chair in his left arm. He walks inside.]''
:'''Chaz''': It can't be done, Didi, it just can't be done!!
:''[Didi pushes the door closed.]''
:'''Didi''': Oh now, Charles, don't get discouraged. Everybody gets potty trained sooner or later.
:''[Chaz walks towards the playpen and sets Chuckie and the potty chair down in it.]''
:'''Chaz''': Not Chuckie, not my son! He's gonna be taking diapers to work with him in his briefcase.
:'''Didi''': Now, listen, Charles, I've been reading all about potty-training in Lipschitz, and it's really quite simple! ''[As Didi continues talking to Chaz, Chuckie walks sadly past Tommy, Phil, and Lil.]'' So, you just go off and have a good weekend. We'll take care of Chuckie, and we'll make sure he uses his '''P-O-T-T-Y.'''
:'''Chaz''': His what? Oh. Oh, yeah. Well. Okay. But if there's any trouble, call the hotel.
:'''Didi''': We're not gonna have any trouble, we'll be fine.
:'''Chaz''': All right. Bye-bye, Chuckie. Be a good boy for Didi and Stu, okay? Use your potty, and don't eat any earthworms.
:'''Didi''': Bye, Charles.
:''[Didi pushes Chas towards the front door.]''
:'''Chaz''': Or breathe any noxious fumes!
:''[Didi opens the front door.]''
:'''Didi''': Bye, Charles!
:'''Chaz''': Or drink any radioactive waste!!
:'''Didi''': Bye, Charles!!
:''[Didi pushes Chaz out the front door.]''
:'''Chaz''': Or--!
:''[Didi slams the door in Chas' face before he can finish what he's saying.]''
:'''Didi''': My goodness, what a worrywart!
:''[Back at the playpen, Tommy, Phil, and Lil look down surprised at Chuckie's potty chair. Tommy crawls towards it, and they all look inside.]''
:'''Phil''': What is it?!
:'''Lil''': I don't know.
:''[Tommy grabs the handles of the lid with and pulls the lid off. He then puts the lid on his head.]''
:'''Tommy''': Maybe it's a hat.
:'''Phil''': Nah, then what's the rest for?!
:'''Tommy''': Maybe it's a big mush bowl.
:''[Tommy climbs into Chuckie's potty chair and ducks. He pokes his head out when he hears Chuckie saying what it really is.]''
:'''Chuckie''': It's a potty!! You guys won't believe what they're trying to make me do!!
:''[Tommy is now out of Chuckie's potty chair as he, Phil, and Lil look nervously at Chuckie.]''
:'''Tommy''': What, Chuckie?
:'''Phil and Lil''': Yeah, what?
:''[As Chuckie talks, Tommy walks towards him and Phil and Lil crawl towards him.]''
:'''Chuckie''': They're trying to make me... uh... they're trying to make me... Oh, I can't say it.
:'''Tommy''': Tell us, Chuckie.
:'''Chuckie''': Uh, they're trying to make me use that! ''[Chuckie points to his potty chair.]'' Instead of my diaper!!
:'''Phil''': Nah, that can't happen!
:'''Lil''': Yeah, how's it going to fit in your pants?
:'''Chuckie''': Oh!
:''[Tommy crawls up to Chuckie.]''
:'''Tommy''': But Chuckie, they can't do that to you!
:'''Chuckie''': Well, they're doing it!! They call it getting potty-trained!! It's the worstest thing that's happened to me since my mom put me on the bottle!!
:'''Lil''': What are you going to do?
:'''Chuckie''': I don't know. I've tried everything!
:'''Lil''': Maybe you could put a lot of napkins in your pants and use 'em like a diaper.
:''[Lil pulls up her skirt, exposing her diaper.]''
:'''Chuckie''': I tried it.
:'''Phil''': Maybe you could poop in your room and hide it in your toy box.
:'''Chuckie''': Tried it.
:'''Tommy''': Maybe you could just stop pooping altogether.
:'''Chuckie''': Tried it. It's no use! No matter what I do, it looks like I'm going to have to be... potty-trained.
:'''Angelica''': Ha!! You little babies really make me laugh!! First you cry for your mommies every time you get a little wet! ''[Angelica walks up to the playpen with an evil smile and unlatches the hook. She opens the playpen.]'' And now, finally, you get to go without 'em forever, and what do you do?! Chicken out!!! What's the matter? Little baby scared to be without his diapers?!
:'''Chuckie''': No, that's not it! I'm not scared! I, I just don't want to be potty-trained, that's all. It's just not right!!
:'''Angelica''': Not right?! Ha!!! That's a good one!! Don't you dummies know anything?! Everybody who's anybody is potty-trained!!
:''[Angelica slaps her head.]''
:'''Chuckie''': Well, not me! I'm never going to do it!! They can't make me!! I'm going to wear my diapers forever, and no one is going to stop me. Not my mom, not my dad! Not the present of the Benited Steaks! ''[Instead of United States]'' ''[Chuckie stands up and puts his right hand over his heart as the American Flag appears behind him. Fireworks even go off in the background.]'' Because I...
:'''Tommy''': Chuckie?
:''[Chuckie puts both his hands over the front of his pants.]''
:'''Chuckie''': I...
:'''Phil''': What's the matter, Chuckie?
:'''Lil''': What's wrong?
:''[Chuckie now has his hands pressed against the front of his pants and his legs crossed.]''
:'''Chuckie''': '''I... I... I GOTTA GO!!!'''
:''[Chuckie starts crying with anguish. This gets Didi's attention, as she runs into the playpen and picks Chuckie up.]''
:'''Didi''': Oh, dear!! This is it! Stu, hurry!!!
:''[Stu runs in, and Didi runs past him.]''
:'''Stu''': What, Deed?!
:'''Didi''': Get the potty, get the potty!!!
:'''Stu''': Where?!
:''[Didi is now holding Chuckie in her right arm as she points towards Chuckie's potty chair.]''
:'''Didi''': There!!!
:''[Didi runs desperately into the bathroom, carrying Chuckie. She sets Chuckie down, then pulls down his pants. Stu, who is carrying Chuckie's potty chair, is outside the bathroom door.]''

===''The Big House/The Shot'' [2.3]===
:''[Tommy dribbles the ball. A strange baby is playing with a school bus and sees Tommy]''
:'''Wiseguy''': Psst! ''[Tommy hears him and looks around]'' Over here.
:'''Tommy''': You talking to me?
:'''Wiseguy''': ''[shushes]'' You don't want them screws to hear, do ya?
:'''Tommy''': Screws?
:'''Wiseguy''': You know, grownups.
:'''Tommy''': Oh.
:'''Wiseguy''': You new around here, ain't ya? Everybody around here calls me Wiseguy on account of I know everything what's going on.
:'''Tommy''': Hi, Wiseguy, my name's Tommy Pickles.
:'''Wiseguy''': Sure, sure. Listen, if you're gonna make it in this place, you gotta know what's what.
:'''Tommy''': What?
:'''Wiseguy''': Right, You see that kid over there? ''[A big chubby baby walks over to another baby in blue pajamas suckling on a bottle]'' That's Big Justin. He's kinda the boss around here on account of he's the biggest. ''[Big Justin takes the bottle apart from the other baby and suckles on it]'' You see that girl over there? ''[points at a girl building wooden blocks]'' They call her the Builder on account of she's always playing with blocks. And look over there. ''[The screen pans to a baby playing with red Play-Doh and yellow bits of clay all over him. He sculpts the Play-Doh into a pit bull]'' They call him Doughboy. He can make anything out of Play-Doh.
:''[Doughboy sculpts the Play-Doh into a cat. Suddenly, Tommy and Wiseguy hear a baby crying very loud. A shot of inside his mouth is shown as Sandra and Jonathan arrive]''
:'''Tommy''': What's wrong with that kid?
:'''Wiseguy''': Oh, don't worry about him; he's faking it.
:'''Tommy''': Faking it?
:'''Wiseguy''': Yep, that's Crybaby. ''[Sandra and Jonathan try to calm Crybaby down]'' He can make himself cry even when nothing's bothering him.
:''[As Sandra and Jonathan turn away, Crybaby stops crying and grins for a moment, but resumes back to crying as Sandra and Jonathan take out a rattle and stuffed teddy bear]''
:'''Big Justin''': Hey. ''[Tommy and Wiseguy turn to Justin]'' Who's the new kid?
:'''Wiseguy''': ''[stammers nervously]'' Oh, hi, Justin. This here is Tommy Pickles.
:''[Tommy grins at Justin]''
:'''Big Justin''': Nice ball, kid. Give it to me.
:'''Tommy''': ''[pulls it away]'' No!
:''[All the babies stop playing and turn seeing this]''
:'''Big Justin''': What'd you say, kid?
:'''Tommy''': It's my ball, you can't have it!
:'''Big Justin''': Look, you're new around here, and maybe nobody warned ya, I'm Big Justin and I run this place. ''[pulls his suspenders in a snap]'' Now, '''''GIVE ME THE BALL!''''' ''[grabs the ball]''
:'''Tommy''': ''[pulls it back]'' '''''NO!!'''''
:'''Big Justin''': I said '''''GIVE IT TO ME!!!'''''
:''[Big Justin and Tommy get caught in a tug-o-war with the ball. Wiseguy and Crybaby watch this in shock]''
:'''Crybaby''': ''[holds a cookie]'' Betcha a cookie Justin gets the ball.
:'''Wiseguy''': ''[gives Crybaby another]'' You're on.
:''[Big Justin and Tommy continue fighting over the ball until Tommy lets the ball slip out of his fingers and ends up falling into a wagon, which rolls across the room, knocks over Builder's block structure, crushes Doughboy's clay cat sculpture and rams into a wall. Tommy sees Doughboy stare at what just happened]''
:'''Tommy''': ''[gasps]'' I'm sorry.
:'''Doughboy''': ''[tears well up and bawls]'' '''''AAUUGGHH!!'''''
:''[Sandra comes in and sees what just happened. She is accompanied by Jonathan and Bob]''
:'''Jonathan''': Diagnosis?
:'''Sandra''': Destructive overreaction syndrome. Procedure?
:'''Jonathan''': Positive reinforcement denial?
:'''Sandra''': ''[shakes her head]'' Uh-uh.
:'''Jonathan''': Withdrawal of snack gratification?
:'''Sandra''': Uh-uh.
:'''Bob''': ''[takes out a fresh diaper]'' Fresh change of diapers?
:'''Sandra''': No. ''[points at Tommy, echoes''] Time out.
:''[The babies gasp in shock one by one]''
:'''Wiseguy''': They're gonna give him the pen!
:''[A single pen is shown by the corner of the room. Sandra rushes Tommy to the pen with Jonathan and Bob following]''
:'''Bob''': I yet say a nice change of diapers might cheer the little fella up!
:'''Jonathan''': How long?
:'''Sandra''': ''[holds five fingers]'' Five minutes.
:'''Jonathan''': Five minutes?! Don't you think that's a bit...harsh?
:'''Sandra''': ''[sternly]'' Do it.
:''[Jonathan does so. The timer is heard ticking as Tommy goes hesitantly silent]''
:'''Builder''': Woah, five minutes!
:'''Doughboy''': These screws just keep getting meaner and meaner. 
:''[Tommy lowly lays silent in the pen as he watches the cat clock on the wall. Tommy sees a toy jug and strides it along the wooden bars of the pen]''
:'''Sandra''': ''[confiscates the jug]'' No, no, Tommy. ''[grins]'' Noise-making is not part of... ''[echoes]'' ...time out.

===''Showdown at Teeter-Totter Gulch/Mirrorland'' [2.4a]===
:'''Mother''': ''[a la Demi Moore]'' Oh, look at you! Oh, I could kick myself for letting you having that gum, Prudence!

===''Angelica's in Love/Ice Cream Mountain'' [2.5]===
:'''Drew''': Mmm, what do you say to a little bet? Make things more interesting. Say, five bucks a hole?
:'''Stu''': ''[loudly]'' Shame on you, Drew! Betting is a bad, bad thing! ''[quietly]'' Make it ten!
----
:'''Angelica''': ''[crying]'' I want my ice cream!
:'''Stu''': We didn't really pay enough attention to the kids today.
:'''Drew''': You're right, Stu. We got a couple of free games. Maybe we could let the kids play. It won't take long.
:'''Earl''': ''[sobbing and groveling]'' Oh, please, no! Anything but that! I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING!
:'''Stu''': Could we find something the kids will like?

===''Regarding Stuie/Garage Sale'' [2.6]===
:'''Lil''': Wanna play in my doll, Stuie. ''[He brings his doll and broke. Lil start public crying and then Stu]''
:''[Stu crying]''
:'''Chuckie''': Looks like trouble.
:''[Stu crying continues]''
:'''Chuckie''': What's wrong, Stuie?
:'''Stu''': Toy broke.
:'''Tommy''': I miss my daddy!
:''[Tommy starts rubbish crying]''

===''Let There Be Light/The Bank Trick'' [2.7]===

===''Family Reunion/Grandpa's Date'' [2.8]===

===''No Bones About It/Beach Blanket Babies'' [2.9]===

===''Reptar on Ice/Family Feud'' [2.10]===
:'''Chaz''': ''[Mighty Roaring]'' LOOK AT YOU! DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?! While you were insulting each other and bringing up every petty difference from your past, you've forgotten about your children, the most important thing in your insignificant lives! ''[Roaring]'' YOU OUGHTA BE ASHAMED!
:'''Howard''': Charles is right. Our behavior's been absolutely disgusting. I'm a failure and I've let everybody down while I should be—
:'''Betty''': ''[panic]'' Yeah, yeah. Whine later, ya' little man. We gotta find the kids!

===''Superhero Chuckie/The Dog Broomer'' [2.11]===

===''Aunt Miriam/The Inside Story'' [2.12]===

===''A Visit from Lipschitz/What the Big People Do'' [2.13]===

===''The Santa Experience'' [2.14]===
:'''Chuckie''': ''[voice only]'' First, it gets really, really cold. ''[A &quot;snowball&quot; passes by, revealing a man throwing artificial snow through a wreath-adorned hole on a wall, powered by a fan, voice only]'' Then, the grown-ups start acting really nice...''[Camera pans down to a line of people, waiting to see Santa. Chuckie is talking to Tommy]''...and smiling all the time. And that's not the worse part! One night... he comes!
:'''Tommy''': Who comes?
:'''Chuckie''': The scariest guy in the world! ''[show close-up of Chuckie's face]'' Santa Claus!
:'''Tommy''': Chuckie! You can't be scared of Santa! He's big and fat and jolly and gives you presents!
:'''Chuckie''': That's not what I heard!
:''[Pan across to Santa's house]''
:'''Elf''': Okay, who's next to see Santa?
:''[Cut to an excited Angelica]''
:'''Angelica''': Me, me, me! ''[She rushes towards Santa, pushing a kid out of her way and plopping right into Santa's lap]''
:'''Mall Santa''': Oh, uh... Ho ho ho! And how are you today, little, um...
:'''Angelica''': Angelica.
:'''Mall Santa''': Angelica! And why don't you tell Santa what you want for Christmas.
:''[A photographer takes a picture of Santa and Angelica, who grins widely]''
:'''Angelica''': I want a Luxurious Hair Cynthia Doll.
:'''Mall Santa''': Of course you do. And if you're a good little girl...
:'''Angelica''': ''[She interrupts Santa to continue her list]'' A &quot;Teenage Nuclear Fusion Squad&quot; Video Game...
:'''Mall Santa''': Well...
:'''Angelica''': A Rocco Mr. X Exploding Smash-Up Doll, a &quot;Beverly Hills Cynthia&quot; Lunch Box, a pony, and a 9-11 Surgical Kit With Working Stethoscope.
:'''Mall Santa''': Yes, that's an awful lot of presents...
:'''Angelica''': ''[shouting in Santa's face]'' I'm not finished yet! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Angelica''': It all started when the first present was given by the Pilgrims a long, long time ago. After that, everybody started giving presents...even the Easter Bunny started giving them 'til Santa slapped him with a lawsuit.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Fade to a wide shot of the cabin outside. Santa and eight reindeer fly over head. Sparkles fly out of the rear to form the words &quot;Merry Christmas&quot;]''
:'''Real Santa''': Ho, ho, ho! Merry [[Christmas]]!

===''Visitors from Outer Space/The Case of the Missing Rugrat'' [2.15]===
:'''Robot''': My batteries don't need no doggone recharge, for your information.

===''Chuckie Loses His Glasses/Chuckie Gets Skunked'' [2.16]===
:'''Phil''': Does that mean we're never gonna see Chuckie again?
:'''Lil''': Oh noooo!
:'''Phil''': Who's gonna have all his toys?
:'''Lil''': I wonder if I could have them!
:'''Phil''': I thought of it first!
:'''Lil''': Did not!
:'''Phil''': Did too!
:'''Lil''': Did not!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chuckie''': Aaah! Somebody help me! I can't see! Well, I can see a little.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chuckie''': Maybe we should find a nice game to play inside.
:'''Angelica''': Like what? You wanna eat the rest of my crayons!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Drew''': Oh, no! All over my new sweater!

===''Rebel Without a Teddy Bear/Angelica the Magnificent'' [2.17]===

===''Meet the Carmichaels/The Box'' [2.18]===

===''Down the Drain/Let Them Eat Cake'' [2.19]===

===''The Seven Voyages of Cynthia/My Friend Barney'' [2.20]===

===''Feeding Hubert/Spike the Wonder Dog'' [2.21]===

===''The Slide/The Big Flush'' [2.22]===
:'''Tommy''': But, Chuckie, that wasn't your slide. That was a big kids' slide. There's no reason you can't go down your slide.
:'''Chuckie''': I tried, Tommy. I really tried, but it's no use. Now I am a-scared of every slide in the world.

===''King Ten Pin/Runaway Angelica'' [2.23]===
:'''Angelica''': ''[crying]'' Daddy! Daddy!
:'''Drew''': Angelica?! What are you doing here?
:'''Angelica''': ''[crying]'' Daddy, I heard you! I heard it all! I'm sorry I was bad and runned away from home! I'm sorry I cut up your papers and broke your fax machine! I'm sorry and I promise I'll never be bad again! Only please, take me back! 
:'''Drew''': Take you back? Honey, I didn't even know you were gone!
:'''Angelica''': You didn't?
:'''Drew''': No! I thought you were still in your room, safe and sound.
:'''Angelica''': You mean you didn't even know I runned away?
:'''Drew''': I had no idea! Oh, but sweetheart, you know you'll always be my princess, no matter what you do. You're my baby and I love you. ''[Angelica hugs him]''

===''Game Show Didi/Toys in the Attic'' [2.24]===
:''[The episode credits play over a pattern of red, green, and blue dots that move around]''
:'''Man's voice''':
:''[The dots zoom out, revealing that they make up the display on the Pickles' TV set; Tommy is standing very close to the screen, watching the man talk]''
:'''Man on TV''': I knew right then I had snagged me a walla pike. 
:''[the camera pans over to Grandpa, who has fallen asleep in his chair and is still holding the remote]''
:'''Didi''': ''[walks into the living room, gasps loudly when she sees Tommy standing so close to the set, and walks over to him]'' No, no, no, honey! ''[lifts up Tommy and looks at him]'' Don't you know that focusing so closely on images can permanently damage your vision? 
:''[As she talks, she looks closer into Tommy's eyes, which go cross-eyed, causing Tommy to see multiple copies of Didi's face. He quickly uncrosses his eyes, making his vision go back to normal. Didi sets Tommy down on the floor so he can crawl around, then approaches Grandpa, takes the remote from him without waking him up, sits down on the couch, and changes the channel from the fishing show to what looks like a talk show, but with a donkey as the host]''

===''Driving Miss Angelica/Susie vs. Angelica'' [2.25]===
:'''Susie''': Leave them little kids alone!
:'''Angelica''': Oh, yeah? Who's gonna make me?
:'''Susie''': Me!
:'''Angelica''': You and what army?
:'''Susie''': Me and this army!
:'''Angelica''': Oh, yeah!
:'''Susie''': Yeah!
:'''Tommy''': You guys! You guys, don't fight!

===''Tooth or Dare/Party Animals'' [2.26a]===
:'''Angelica''': NO! I'm gonna wish for something real good!
:'''Tommy''': Be careful what you wish for, Angelica! You just might get it! 
:'''Chuckie''': What are we gonna do, Tommy?! What are we gonna do?! 
:'''Tommy''': There's only one thing we can do. We're gonna find Angelica's magic lamp, and we got to wish for everything to be right-right again.

[[Category:Television show seasons]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>James Payn</title>
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      <text bytes="2304" sha1="h1ow55nbnis64akhnulesmv0b337duq" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Picture of James Payn.jpg|thumb|]]
'''{{w|James Payn}}''' ([[28 February]] 1830 – [[25 March]] 1898) was an English novelist and editor. Among the periodicals he edited were ''Chambers's Journal'' in Edinburgh and the ''Cornhill Magazine'' in London.

== Quotes ==

* May he perish, inch by inch, within reach of the aid that shall never come, ere the God of the poor take him into his hand.
** ''{{w|Lost Sir Massingberd}}'' (1864), vol. 1, ch. 6; vol. 2, ch. 18 &lt;!--(the gipsy woman's curse)--&gt;

* To the truly benevolent mind, indeed, nothing is more satisfactory than to hear of a miser denying himself the necessaries of life a little too far and ridding us of his presence altogether.
** &quot;The Pinch of Poverty&quot;, in ''The Nineteenth Century'' (May 1880), p. 866

* You are safe to-day, my friend, but you will not be safe to-morrow; you may be safe to-morrow, but you will not be safe the next day: in my country [[wikt:revenge is a dish best served cold|vengeance]] is a dish that we eat cold.
** ''Thicker than Water'' (1883), vol. 1, ch. 17, p. 320 &lt;!--(the Mexican's threat)--&gt;

* I had never had a piece of toast&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Particularly long and wide,&lt;br&gt;But fell upon the sanded floor,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;And always on the buttered side.
** &quot;The Muse of Parody&quot;, in ''Chambers's Journal'' (2 February 1884), p. 71
** Parodying [[Thomas Moore|Moore]]'s famous lines from ''Lalla Rookh'' (1817):
**: I never nursed a young gazelle&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;To glad me with its soft dark eye,&lt;br&gt;But when it came to know me well,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;And love me, it was sure to die.

* He was no coward, but it had suddenly struck him that the present was a very ill-chosen time for a row with his younger relative, however successful might be the issue. Such violence should not go unpunished, but vengeance is a dish that can be eaten cold.
** ''A Modern Dick Whittington‎'' (1892), vol. 1, p. 222

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Payn, James}}
[[Category:Novelists from England]]
[[Category:1830 births]]
[[Category:1898 deaths]]
[[Category:Editors from England]]
[[Category:Short story writers from England]]
[[Category:Essayists from England]]
[[Category:Literary critics]]
[[Category:University of Cambridge alumni]]
[[Category:Travel writers]]
[[Category:Victorian novelists]]</text>
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    <title>Arthur (Season 2)</title>
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      <comment>/* Buster Baxter, Cat Saver [2.6a] */</comment>
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'''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Postcards from Buster]]  / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]]

===''Arthur Meets Mister Rogers'' [2.1a]===
:'''Mr. Rogers''': You don't want them to think you're a little kid anymore.
:'''Arthur''': Yeah... I mean, no offense.
:'''Mr. Rogers''': Sometimes you feel like you're too old for certain things.
:'''Arthur''': I just don't want people to make fun of me.
:'''Mr. Rogers''': Real friends don't make fun of real friends. And your friends seem like real friends. They all seem to be concerned about you.

===''Draw!'' [2.1b]===
:'''Mrs. MacGrady''': Tissues to your left, dear. I see one more thing. Oh, yes, here's a cartoon of you as green gloop. ''(clears throat)'' I said there's a cartoon of you as green gloop! ''(Mrs MacGrady turns her head to where the students are hiding)'' Green gloop! ''(the students pauses for a one little bit; Buster, haves his hands on the rope, quietly let it go; the students feel guilty and decide to stops causes their friend further humiliation and do nothing happens)''
:'''Francine''': ''(blows her nose)'' I just wish they'd stop.

===''Binky Barnes, Art Expert'' [2.2a]===
:'''Francine''': ?

===''Arthur's Lucky Pencil'' [2.2b]===
:'''Arthur''': What's in the pencil?!

===''D.W., the Picky Eater'' [2.3a]===
:'''D.W.''': Cucumbers: yucky. Mushrooms: yucky. Onions: yucky and smelly. Wait a minute, this isn't lettuce. What kind of a salad is this?
:'''Arthur''': Uh-oh. ''[singsong]'' She's going to pop.
:'''D.W.''': This is spinach.
:'''Waiter''': Is something wrong?
:'''D.W.''': This is spinach, AND I...HATE... SPINACH!!! ''[everyone in the restaurant gasps and laughed]'' Oh, no!
:'''Waiter''': ''[fiercely] That's it, I quit.''
:'''Arthur''': Uh-oh.
:'''Jane''': ''[sternly quietness]'' Dora Winifred Read. ''[cut to Arthur's house with Grandma Thora and Baby Kate]''
:'''Grandma Thora''': Back so soon. Did you all have a good time?
:'''Arthur''': D.W. just punched her salad and then exploded! ''[pauses, David and Jane disappointedly stared to him]'' All over the waiter. But everyone was looking at us.
:'''D.W.''': THEY WERE '''''NOT!!!''''' Everybody was making this into such a big deal!
:'''Jane''': ''[sulky]'' No restaurants for you, young lady, until you behave and learn to eat what's placed in front of you. Now go to your room.
:'''David''': Jane, please.
:'''Arthur''': Well, what about Grandma Thora's birthday at the Once Upon a Restaurant next week?
:'''Jane''': D.W. will not be joining us.
:'''Arthur''': Oh. well, that's too bad. ''[sighs]'' Dinner without D.W. I guess we'll just have to suffer through it without her.
:'''Grandma Thora''': If D.W. couldn't come to the restaurant, I'd be just as happy coming over here for dinner.
:'''Arthur''': What? And miss Once Upon a Restaurant?
:'''Grandma Thora''': It just wouldn't be a happy birthday, if D.W. isn't here.
:'''Arthur''': ''[Jane and David maintaining with arguing in off-screen]'' But this was the best restaurant ever! This was unfair! But am I supposed to do everything with D.W., or what?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Arthur watches Francine feed Kate spinach]''
:'''Francine''': Baby Kate is such a big girl! She loves her spinach. Yes, she does. Don't you, Katie-watie?
:'''D.W.''': ''[runs inside]'' Kate, stop! It's a trick! Don't eat it!
:'''Arthur''': No, no. Kate is a big girl. It's not like some sisters who throw their food and have tantrums like babies.
:'''D.W.''': BUT I'M NOT A BABY!
:'''Arthur''': Am too!
:'''D.W.''': Am not!
:'''Arthur''': Am too!
:'''Francine''': *Quiet.* If you're not a baby, then prove it. ''[she hands D.W. a spoonful of spinach; D.W. is about to take a bite when Kate spits up her spinach and smiles]''
:'''D.W.''': Well, this looks like I'm not the only one with a good taste around here. But I didn't hate spinach.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Arthur stages a phone conversation at home with D.W. listening]''
:'''Arthur''': Oh, Grandma! I'm so glad you changed your mind. I can't believe we're going to the restaurant after all.
:'''D.W.''': Hey, what are you telling Grandma?!
:'''Arthur''': Nope, it was nothing, D.W., now leave me alone! What's that, Grandma! Oh, yes, I think it'll be just as much fun without her.
:'''D.W.''': Without who?! Let me talk to her! ''[tries to take the phone]''
:'''Arthur''': D.W., isn't there some dancing vegetable on T.V.?
:'''D.W.''': Give me the phone!! I can go wherever I want!!
:'''Arthur''': But you said you didn't want to go to restaurants, remember that? And this one might have spinach. And... ''[holds the phone out of D.W.'s reach]''
:'''D.W.''': Grandma, I'm coming to your party, and it's gonna be lots of fun! Ha, so there! You're not the boss of me, Arthur Read!
:'''Arthur''': Well, Grandma, I guess there's nothing that I could do. We're just going to have to take D.W. with us.
:'''D.W.''': Yeah, that's right. Mom, Dad. I wanna go to the restaurant. And I'll try new food, and eat it all! ''[runs to find her parents]''
:'''Arthur''': Well, this works, but, thanks!
:'''Buster''': ''[at the other end, impersonating Grandma Thora]'' I'm glad I can help you, sonny!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''D.W.''': Why's everyone looking at me? I like spinach. And everyone knews it. ''(Arthur rolls his eyes as D.W. sits back and smiles.)''

===''Buster and the Daredevils'' [2.3b]===
:'''Buster''': ''[To Francine after Slink whisper to him just one last dare.]'' Uh, Francine, I need advice!
:'''Francine''': What does he need advice for? He just has to run home as fast as he can.
:''[She walks up to Buster. He then proceeds to kiss Francine. Arthur and Muffy gasp.]''
:'''Brain''': Where's he going now?
:'''Arthur''': He's running home as fast as he can.
:''[Francine is now chasing Buster out of the ballpark in rage.]''
:'''Francine''': Buster Baxter, I'm gonna get you!!!!!

===''Arthur Makes a Movie'' [2.4a]===
:'''Buster''': And then, the evil genius escapes in his supersonic jet to his other space station shaped which is shaped like a giant clam and...
:'''Arthur''': Buster, snap out of it!
:'''Francine''': Buster, there's no way we could do something that complicated.
:'''Buster''': Huh?! Oh, you're right. Why even bother?
:'''Brain''': Well, we could do a supersonic jet.
:'''Buster''': Really?
:'''Brain''': Paper. Marker. Spray-paint. Tah-da!
:'''Buster''': Wow! It's just like I imagined! Better!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50% &quot;/&gt;
:'''Prunella''': Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but it was nothing like the James Hound movie...
:'''Arthur''': Well, yeah. I mean, we've tried it but...
:'''Prunella''': It's much better!
:'''Arthur''': Really?
:'''Muffy''': And the next one's going to be even better! Oops! [ejects the videotape]

===''Go To Your Room, D.W.'' [2.4b]===
:'''D.W.''': ''(plays with dolls on the living room floor)'' This is Tiffany and this is her servant. And this is their lifeboat and these are the angry sharks... ''(Kate grabs Tiffany and D.W. gasps)'' No! I'll do the playing!  You just watch me! ''(Both Kate and D.W. pull at the doll. The head falls off and D.W. gasps.)'' Aaugh!! Look what you did!
:'''Jane''': Play nicely, D.W.
:'''D.W.''': But she killed Tiffany! ''[Kate giggles]''
:'''Mrs. Read''': Here. Give that to me. This looks easy to fix. Don't worry. ''(She gives D.W. the fixed doll back.)'' Oh, there we go! Good as new! No need to get excited.
:'''D.W.''': How come you're always on her side?
:'''Jane''': I'm not on anyone's side. But Kate's a baby, and you're a big girl.
:'''D.W.''': ''[angrily]'' I am not a big girl, I'm a little girl! ''(Kate chuckles)'' Be quiet!
:'''Jane''': D.W.
:'''D.W.''': You sweet, little baby-wayby! ''(She sees Jane leaves the room)'' This was mine! You can only touch it when I say so.
:'''Jane''': ''[concerned]'' D.W.?
:'''D.W.''': Give it back, or I'll pinch you!!! ''[Jane grabs her]'' Aah! ''[drops the Tiffany doll]''
:'''Jane''': ''[sternly]'' Dora Winifred Read, go to your room!
:'''D.W.''': But what did I do wrong?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''D.W.''': What about my supper? How will I survive?!
:'''Jane''': Supper's not till 6. You'll be out long before then.
:'''D.W.''': But what if you forget about me? I could starve to death! Mom! Mom! ''(She clings to her mother’s leg. Mrs. Read looks stern. She sits D.W. down on the bed.)''
:'''Jane''': It's 4:30 now. When the clock says 4:40, you can come downstairs. And I'll set the alarm so you'll know when it's time. 
:'''D.W.''': ''(crying on her pillow)'' You don't love me! You only love Kate and Arthur and Daddy and Pal and... and Grandpa, and Aunt Lucy, and...and... ''(Jane has left the room and Nadine appears.)'' How long did she say?
:'''Nadine''': 10 minutes. When it says 4:31, that means one minute has gone by.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''David''': ''[after D.W.'s fantasy]'' What are you doing here?
:'''D.W.''': The clock was broken and the time was stopped and I was just coming to warn you-
:'''David''': ''[to DW]'' Nice going, D.W. But back to your room right now.
:'''D.W.''': ''[goes backs upstairs to her room in walks, annoyed]'' That's it! You never have to treat me like a criminal.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''D.W.''': ''(grieves)'' And how about when Cousin Lucy got married? I had to stay at home and cook and clean while everyone else went to the wedding. ''(Imaginary flashback: D.W., in rags again, which are now completely tattered, cleans the fireplace and sneezes)''
:'''Jane''': ''[indignantly]'' [[The Lion King 1½|AREN'T YOU DONE YET?! YOU STILL HAVE THE BEDS TO MAKE AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED THE BREAKFAST DISHES!!]]
:'''D.W.''': ''[in tears]'' Can't I go to the wedding, please?!
:'''Jane''': Weddings are *'''''NOT'''''* for little girls!
:'''D.W.''': But what about Kate? She's going!
:'''Jane''': ''(insanely)'' Kate is a baby! Besides, we like her better than you. Ready, everyone? ''[these leaves in the house]''
:'''Arthur''': Don't forget to brush the dog.
:''(D.W. brushes away her tears. She watches from the window as the family gets in the car and leaves. The flashback ends. D.W. sniffs on her pillow.)''
:'''D.W.''': ''[moans]'' It was so sad being me.
:'''Nadine''': But you went to the wedding, D.W.
:'''D.W.''': Whose side are you on, anyways?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''D.W.''': Mom?
:'''Jane''': ''[concerned]'' What was it, now?
:'''D.W.''': Well, are you sure my clock was working? Because I've really been in here for hours.
:'''Jane''': Your clock was working perfectly. Go back to your room.
:'''D.W.''': Sheesh. Well, I think I'll call Grandma's. But at least she loves me though. ''(In her imagination, David picks up the phone in the kitchen. Grandma Thora is phoning from her kitchen with D.W. sitting next to her eating cookies.)''
:'''David''': Hello?
:'''Thora''': Son, this is your mother. What do you mean by punishing poor little D.W.?! ''(looks at D.W.)'' Eat up, lovey. You can have all the cookies you want. ''(returns to call)'' How can you do that. Look at this little angel. This child is perfect. ''(A halo appears over D.W.'s head)'' Punish Arthur. He's the real troublemaker.
:'''David''': Absolutely. Yes, of course, Mom. Arthur, go to your room and never come out!!!
:'''Arthur''': ''[gulps]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Kate''': ''[Arthur punched Jane's arm and crying in off-screen while babbles and looks coos as D.W.]''
:'''D.W.''': Don't smile to me. ''[?]'' This was all your fault.
:'''Nadine''': What did she do that was so bad?

===''Arthur's Underwear'' [2.5a]===
:'''Binky''': Come on, Arthur, into the kitchen.

===''Francine Frensky, Olympic Rider'' [2.5b]===
:'''Francine''': Random

===''Buster Baxter, Cat Saver'' [2.6a]===
:'''Arthur T. Read''': ''[?]'' Hold it! This is not gonna be movie.
:'''Buster Baxter''': It could be?
:'''Arthur T. Read''': No way!
:'''Buster Baxter''': Coming to theater near you!
:'''Arthur T. Read''': It is ''NOT!''
:'''Buster Baxter''': ''[?]'' ???

===''Play It Again, D.W.'' [2.6b]===
:'''Arthur''': D.W., I'm trying to do my homework! And there's no such word as ''busalooey''. If you don't stop, I'm gonna wreck the CD!
:'''D.W.''': Mom!
:'''Mr. Read''': I wouldn't have promised to bring the music to the party if I known I lost it.
:'''Mrs. Read''': Found it!
:'''Mr. Read''': Great.
:'''D.W.''': Mom! Arthur's gonna wreck my Crazy Bus!
:'''Mrs. Read''': Turn it off! I can't hear you!
:'''Mr. Read''': Arthur?
:'''D.W.''': Mom and Dad say if you touch it, then they'll adopt you to another country without TV.
:'''Mrs. Read''': D.W., wash up for dinner.
:'''D.W.''': What were they thinking when they invented brothers? What a dopey idea!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Read''': D.W., are you OK?
:'''Mr. Read''': What's the matter?
:'''D.W.''': CRAZY BUS IS GONE! I LEFT IT ON THE THING AND IT'S GONE! GONE!
:'''Mr. Read''': Well, it didn't just get up and walk away.
:'''D.W.''': I know! Arthur took it!
:'''Arthur''': I didn't!
:'''Mr. Read''': Honestly, Arthur?
:'''Arthur''': I didn't take it, Dad, really!
:'''D.W.''': Yeah! It's like you didn't take my snowball out of the freezer!
:'''Arthur''': Let's not start this again.
:'''D.W.''': ''[starts to cries]'' Life was so not fair!

===''Arthur's TV Free Week'' [2.7a]===

===''Night Fright'' [2.7b]===
:'''Burger Mom''': Put down my boy, you big bully!

===''Arthur vs. the Piano'' [2.8a]===

===''The Big Blow-Up'' [2.8b]===

===''Lost!'' [2.9a]===
:'''David''': Who's lost?!

===''The Short, Quick Summer'' [2.9b]===

===''D.W. Goes to Washington'' [2.10a]===
:''Arthur and his parents are in the living room.''
:'''Mr. Read''': It's a holiday weekend and I don't have to cater any parties. Let's go somewhere!
:'''Arthur''': How about...
:'''Mrs. Read''': Other than Bionic Bunny Playland. (Paused)
:'''Arthur''': How about Washington, D.C.? We've been learning about government in school.
:'''Mr. Read''': That's a capital idea! (silly laugh)
:'''Mrs. Read''': (sighs)
:'''Mr. Read''': It's a capital idea. Washington is the nation's capital. Get it?
:'''Arthur''': Yeah, I got it the first time.
:'''Mrs. Read''': Let's take a vote. Where's D.W.?
:''D.W. is watching a commercial on TV, in which a rainbow flies into a corral and Sarah, Maryann and Amanda come out of it.''
:'''Jingle''': “You’ve got to go to Ponyland. You should go to Ponyland. You really must go to Ponyland.”
:'''Girls:''' (laugh)
:'''Announcer:''' You'll be greeted and entertained by three or more adorable ponies.
:''The girls run up to three brightly colored ponies. Sarah dances with one of them, while another pony plays the guitar.''
:'''D.W.''': It's like a dream come true.
:''D.W. sits with her eyes glued to the TV. The others stand around her.''
:'''Arthur''': D.W., we’re going on vacation and we get to vote on where to go. Do you hear me? D.W., do you hear me?
:'''D.W.''': Of course I can hear you. What did you say?
:'''Mr. Read''': We’re deciding where to take a weekend trip.
:''D.W. thinks.''
:'''D.W.''': I vote for Ponyland.
:'''Arthur''': Yuck!
:'''Pal''': (whines)
:''He sticks out his tongue.''
:'''D.W.''': I have to go! It's like a dream come true. Pleeaase!
:'''Arthur''': Remember the last time we went to a place D.W. saw on TV?
:''Flashback: A TV commercial shows an igloo on a tropical beach.''
:'''Announcer (on TV)''': Come to Santa's Igloo, where Santa spends the summer.
:'''D.W.''': Pleeaase!
:'''Arthur''': Bleagh!
:''Flashback: The Reads drive past a sign advertising Santa’s Igloo.''
:'''D.W.''': What's it say?
:'''Arthur''': [[The Polar Express|“Share a sundae with Santa and his friendly reindeer.”]]
:''Flashback: A man, partly dressed as Santa Claus, comes out of a house with an igloo-shaped façade. Behind him, a woman is dressed as a reindeer and holds the reindeer’s head in her hand.''
:'''“Santa”''': Ho ho ho! Didn't you bring me a sundae? How can you share a sundae with Santa if you don't bring a sundae to Santa?
:''The Reads stare at him. Only D.W. smiles.''
:''The flashback ends.''
:'''D.W.''': Okay, so maybe it won't be as great as Santa's Igloo, but I must go to Ponyland.
:'''Mr. Read''': How would you feel about going to Washington D.C.?
:'''D.W.''': Ponyland.
:'''Mrs. Read''': There are lots of great things in Washington.
:'''D.W.''': I don't see any ponies!
:''Arthur looks into D.W.’s room while she is drawing.''
:'''Arthur''': Washington is where the President lives.
:'''D.W.:''' I don't care about the President. I care about ponies.
:''Mr. Read tucks D.W. in bed.''
:'''Mr. Read''': If you go where Arthur chose this time, then you can choose our next trip.
:'''D.W.:''' Promise?
:'''Mr. Read''': Promise.
:'''D.W.:''' Okay, okay, I’ll go.
:'''Mr. Read''': It’ll be fun. 
:'''D.W.''': Since I made such a sacrifice, maybe you’ll buy me a pony.
:'''Mr. Read''': No.
:'''D.W.''': I could keep it in my room.
:'''Mr. Read''': No.
:''He turns off the light and leaves the room.''
:'''D.W.''': I wouldn’t ride it in the house?!
:'''Mr. Read''': No!
:''On the weekend, the Reads drive past a sign saying “Washington D.C. 100 miles”. D.W. sees a horse in a field.''
:'''D.W.''': Pony. Ponies. A lucky little girl who owns a pony.
:'''Mr. Read:''' This is gonna be a long ride.
:'''Mrs. Read''': Hey, D.W., let's play a game. 
:'''D.W.''': Okay, let's name the ponies we pass. Blaze, Scout, Jerry, Stumper, Dasher, Dancer, Lexi...
:''In Washington, the Reads are stuck in a traffic jam. Then they drive past the Capitol Building and the White House.''
:'''Arthur:''' Look, the White House. Maybe I'll meet the president.
:''In his imagination, he shakes hands with the president.''
:'''Arthur:''' Arthur Read, Mr. President.
:'''President:''' The same Arthur Read who won the spelling bee and who played that great piano solo at the spring recital?
:'''Arthur:''' Y-yeah.
:'''President:''' I’ve always wanted to meet you. Hey, everybody, it's Arthur Read.
:''Journalists take pictures.''
:'''People:''' (chatter)
:''The fantasy ends.''
:'''Arthur:''' Let's park and walk around.
:'''D.W.:''' Yeah, maybe if we walk enough, we'll be so tired we won't notice how bored we are.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''The Reads visit the Lincoln Memorial. Arthur reads from a guidebook.''
:'''Arthur''': &quot;Abraham Lincoln was the sixteenth president. He issued the Emancipation Proclamation on January 1st, 1863.&quot;
:'''D.W.:''' Boy, look at the size of those feet. Where'd he ever buy his shoes? Was he the only giant president?
:'''Mrs. Read''': Lincoln wasn't a giant. The statue is much larger than he was.
:'''D.W.:''' Wouldn't you know it? Finally something interesting, and it's a fake.
:'''Mr. Read:''' D.W., can't you please just try to relax and enjoy what's here?
:'''D.W.:''' Okay, Daddy. At least I'll get to see the Statue of Liberty.
:'''Mr. Read:''' Um... that's in New York, honey.
:'''D.W.:''' What a rip!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''The Reads walk up to the White House.''
:'''Mr. Read:''' The flag's up. That means the president is home today.
:'''Arthur:''' What if we meet him and become friends?
:''In his imagination, Arthur plays minigolf with the president on the White House lawn. They high-five.''
:'''Arthur:''' Alright!
:'''President:''' Hey!
:''Arthur and the president have a soda drinking contest in the Sugar Bowl while Arthur’s friends watch. The president’s glass has the presidential seal on it.''
:'''President:''' You beat me again, Arthur.
:'''Kids:''' Yeah! Woo!
:''The fantasy ends.''
:'''Mr. Read:''' Arthur! Come on, the tour is starting. It's the last one today.
:''They hurry into the building.''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''The Reads start a tour through the White House.''
:'''Guide:''' On the ground floor is the China Room, which contains a collection of presidential...
:'''Mrs. Read''': D.W., don't get left behind!
:'''D.W.:''' How exciting; another closed door.
:'''Guide:''' Follow me, please.
:'''D.W.:''' We could have stayed home and locked each other out of the bathroom. It would have looked just like this.
:''She crawls under a cordon and walks to a partly open door.''
:'''Arthur:''' D.W., stop it! You're gonna get us kicked out!
:''D.W. comes back.''
:'''D.W.:''' I'm just trying to find the government.
:'''Arthur:''' Don't break the rules. I don't want the president mad at us.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''The tour continues.''
:'''Guide:''' During Kennedy's administration, a permanent art collection was assembled for the White House...
:'''D.W.:''' I don't like this. It's full of people who make a lot of rules, and everybody's afraid of getting in trouble.
:'''Guide:''' In 1948, when Harry Truman was president, the White House was found to be unsafe for occupancy.
:''D.W. sneaks through an open door and closes it behind her. She sees a wide hallway in front of her. She tries to get back but the door will not open.''
:'''D.W.:''' (strains) Uh-oh.
:''Her parents are on the other side of the door.''
:'''Mrs. Read:''' D.W.?!
:'''Mr. Read:''' Where has she gone? D.W.!
:'''Arthur:''' Oh no, D.W.’s loose in the White House. We’re doomed.
:''In his imagination, D.W. sits on the president’s desk.''
:'''President:''' It gives me great pleasure to sign the D.W. Law. It is now illegal not to own a pony.
:''The journalists and guards are sitting on ponies.''
:'''Journalist:''' Right on, D.W.!
:'''Pony:''' (neighs)
:'''D.W.:''' (whispers to President)
:'''President:''' And the national anthem has been changed to &quot;Crazy Bus&quot;.
:''The fantasy ends.''
:'''Arthur:''' We’ve got to find her before she wrecks the whole country.

===''Arthur's Mystery Envelope'' [2.10b]===

===''D.W.'s Deer Friend'' [2.11a]===
:'''Mr. Read''': Hold it! Where are you taking the cereal?
:'''D.W.''': Walter is hungry.
:'''Mr. Read''': Slam on your brakes! Walter who?
:'''D.W.''': Walter Deer!
:'''Mr. Read''': Walter Deer? Whoa! D.W., our food isn't good for deer to eat.
:'''D.W.''': Don't worry, Dad, I'm not gonna let him eat it. I'm just gonna get him to come close to me.
:'''Mr. Read''': D.W., that's not safe, and it's not allowed. You can look at the deer.
:'''D.W.''': But if all I had to do was look, then I might as well be at home watching TV.
:'''Mr. Read''': This is the deer's home. You wouldn't like it if someone fed you strange food in your home.
:'''D.W.''': I would, if it was a deer.

===''Buster Hits the Books'' [2.11b]===
:'''Fern''': What are you writing your book report on, Arthur?
:'''Arthur''': I've read a lot of good books lately. I'm trying to choose between the two best.
:'''Brain''': If you can't decide, I've read an exciting book about magnetic fields that I highly recommend.
:''[Arthur, Buster and Fern's mouths fall open]''
:'''Fern''': No thanks, it can't be as good as &quot;The Case of the Creepy Shadow.&quot; ''[she pulls out that book.]''
:'''Brain''': What about you, Buster? ''[he pulls out a set of magnets sticking to one another]'' It's intriguing reading and comes with six free magnets.
:'''Buster''': Um, sounds great, Brain, but I plan to do what I always do. Book reports are no sweat.

===''Arthur's Faraway Friend'' [2.12a]===
:'''Arthur''': I thought he was my best friend, but he wants to go.
:'''Sue Ellen''': I bet he doesn't want to go.
:'''Arthur''': He could have stayed and lived in a pit, but he said no. What does that tell you?
:'''Sue Ellen''': Try thinking how Buster will feel. You're losing one friend, but everything else stays the same for you.
:'''Arthur''': Yeah? So?
:'''Sue Ellen''': Buster's losing all his friends and going to a place where everything is new. It can be scary. I know. We moved a lot because of my father's job. It's hard.
:'''Arthur''': Buster probably needs a best friend now more than ever.

===''Arthur and the Square Dance'' [2.12b]===

===''Water and the Brain'' [2.13a]===

===''Arthur the Unfunny'' [2.13b]===
:'''Brain''': Yeah.
:'''Binky''': You said it!

===''Sue Ellen's Found Diary'' [2.14a]===
:'''Sue Ellen Armstrong''': ''[???; Children musicians and Sue Ellen begins to sing]''

===''Arthur's Knee'' [2.14b]===
:'''Arthur''': I've decided to stay around the house, help out with some chores and stuff.
:'''Francine''': Huh? Why?
:'''Arthur''': Oh, you know, I figured I violated my parents' trust by going to the dump. I should think about what I did and stuff.
:'''Sue Ellen''': Well, Arthur, that's really adult of you.

===''Grandma Thora Appreciation Day'' [2.15a]===
:''[Arthur and D.W. sit at the breakfast table in their pajamas. Mrs. Read makes scrambled eggs on toast.]''
:'''Mrs. Read''': Planning a party is a lot of work, you know.
:'''D.W.''': How hard can it be? You invite people and they come!
:'''Mrs. Read''': Speaking of people, let's keep this small. Just Grandma Thora's closest friends, okay?
:'''D.W.''': That's no fun! Can't we do stuff like rent an elephant or a zebra?
:'''Mrs. Read''': No elephants, D.W., just a nice, small, quiet party. Are you listening, Arthur?
:''[Arthur goes on reading the cereal box without looking]''
:'''Arthur''': Yeah, Mom, a nice, small, quiet...

===''Fern's Slumber Party'' [2.15b]===

===''Love Notes for Muffy'' [2.16a]===
:''(She pulls Fern away. Fern gives Francine a reproving look. In Francine’s imagination she and Brain are standing in an old English courtroom wearing prisoner’s clothes. Arthur as prosecutor is questioning Fern. Mr. Ratburn is the judge.)''
:'''Arthur''': And before Muffy Crosswire hired you, you knew who wrote the note.
:'''Fern''': I deduced immediately it was Brain and Francine. Of course I had to tell Muffy. My reputation was at stake.
:'''Nigel Ratburn (Judge)''': ''[bangs with the gavel]'' [[The Great Mouse Detective|That's all the evidence I need to hear. Guilty as charged!]]
:'''Francine''': ''[takes her to the locks in a jail cell with Brain]'' But it was just a joke... just a joke...just a joke...a joke...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Muffy''': They're here because of me.

===''D.W. Blows the Whistle'' [2.16b]===
:'''Arthur''': But this is a race course.
:'''D.W.''': ''[locks the Arthur and Brain in a jail cell]'' And obstructing justice?!
:'''Alan &quot;Brain&quot; Powers''': ???
:'''Arthur''': ???

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Arthur''': What do you mean you want me to take D.W. to the race?!
:'''Mrs. Read''': We'll meet you guys down there. We have to drop Kate off at Grandma Thora's first.
:'''Arthur''': Couldn't you get a babysitter or something? She's just gonna blow her whistle at everyone!
:'''D.W.''': Am not! Not unless I see someone who's not being safe.
:'''Mr. Read''': You have been getting a little carried away with your whistle, D.W.
:'''D.W.''': But I'm just doing what Officer Safety said to do.
:'''Mrs. Read''': He didn't mean for you to be a tattletale, D.W. He just wants you to let people know when someone's doing something dangerous, okay?
:'''D.W.''': I guess.
:'''Mr. Read''': Good. Now, tomorrow, Arthur, you will take D.W. to the race. And, D.W., you will not bother Arthur.

===''Francine Redecorates'' [2.17a]===
:'''Francine''': Wow! ''[flashback in the jungle and then Tarzan yells and falls off the vines]'' Uh! Ow!?

===''Arthur the Loser'' [2.17b]===

===''Arthur vs. the Very Mean Crossing Guard'' [2.18a]===

===''D.W.'s Very Bad Mood'' [2.18b]===
:'''Jane''': D.W., one at a time!
:'''D.W.''': You're always picking on me. You never pick on anyone else. Only me, me, ME!
:'''Jane''': You know that's not true, D.W. Everybody has to eat politely and that includes you.
:'''D.W.''': That does '''''NOT''''' include me! You never include me. You always make me stay home whenever there's anything fun. Only Arthur gets to have fun! Only Arthur...
:'''Francine''': D.W., can I ask you a question?
:'''D.W.''': Maybe.
:'''Francine''': What's the matter with you?! ''[D.W. gasps and runs out of the room sobbing]''
:'''Arthur''': ''[sarcastic]'' That was great. You really solved the problem.
:'''Francine''': I didn't think she'd get so upset.
:'''David''': It's not your fault, Francine.
:'''Francine''': May I be excused? ''[Francine walks up the stairs and into D.W.’s room where D.W. is sobs on her bed.]''
:'''D.W.''': ''(sobs)''
:'''Francine''': I'm sorry, D.W. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but you really are being a total doofus. If you know what I mean.
:'''D.W.''': Who asked you? You don't even live here.
:'''Francine''': Well, nobody asked me. But I'm Arthur's friend. When something's bugging him, I wanna help.
:'''D.W.''': You know what, Francine?!
:'''Francine''': What?
:'''D.W.''': Go... go...home. I'm too tired to think of any more mean things to say.
:'''Brain''': So did Francine figure out what's wrong with D.W.?
:'''Arthur''': No, it only made her worse. Last night she slammed so many doors, I thought we'd get arrested!? ''[?]''
:'''TV Announcer''': ? ''[?]''
:'''David L. Read''': ?
:'''Policeman''': You have to right to reman silent--
:'''Arthur''': No! Talk to Policeman!
:'''Jane''': Why not?
:'''D.W.''': I WILL '''''NOT''''' BE SILENT, I'LL BE LOUD AS I WANT, A-AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME, NO ONE CAN STOP ME, WHO MADE YOU THE BOSS OF THE WORLD?!
:'''Policeman''': ?
:'''Binky''': Cool! When is that gonna be on?
:'''Francine''': You know what? I think D.W.'s being a pain because she's upset about something.
:'''Arthur''': What does D.W. have to be upset about? She's only four years old!
:'''Binky''': Yeah, it's not like she's a third grader!
:'''Francine''': It might sound weird, but something's bothering her, and it's up to us to get to the bottom of it. Starting today!
:'''Brain''': But we have soccer practice today.
:'''Francine''': Starting tomorrow!
:'''Brain''': Gee, I'd love to, but I have to clean the garage.
:'''Binky''': And I have to, er... I have to do... clean our garage too! Yeah, ha, wow. What a coincidence.
:'''Arthur''': Thanks a lot, guys.
:'''Binky''': Anytime.
:'''Arthur''': She's eating her sandwich, she's making a face, she's spitting the baloney into her hand... She's throwing it into the bushes.
:'''Francine''': Give me those! Where'd she go? ''(D.W. appears right in front of her looking angrily.)'' Augh!
:'''D.W.''': I know what you're doing and it won't work!
:'''Arthur''': She's not saying anything. And it's 10 o'clock and I'm tired!
:'''Francine''': Arthur, I'm telling you. Whatever it is, she'll say it in her sleep. You can't give up.
:'''Arthur''': Hm. Wait, this might be it!
:'''D.W.''': Oh. It's wrong. Something's wrong.
:'''Arthur''': It's wrong. Something's wrong.
:'''D.W.''': Because... because...
:'''Arthur''': Because...
:'''D.W.''': Because... ''ARTHUR IS A DODO-BRAIN!?''
:'''Arthur''': Because Arthur is a dodo-brain. ''[Francine can be heard laughing.]'' Stop laughing, Francine! This is it, Francine. If we can't figure out what's wrong with D.W. today, then I give up.
:'''Francine''': I'm telling you, Arthur, we're close. Then you can sleep.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Arthur''': Great, we spent all that money, and we still don't know what's wrong with her, except she's driving me absolutely busalooey, and you know how much I hate that word!
:'''Francine''': Arthur, D.W. and I are going to get some ice cream. Why don't you go home?
:'''Arthur''': What?!
:'''Francine''': I'm sorry, this is just for girls. See you later.

===''D.W.'s Name Game'' [2.19a]===
:'''Arthur''': I can't see! Move your head!
:'''D.W.''': You're not the boss of me, Mr. Goopy.
:'''Arthur''': D.W., please move your big, large, enormous, gopher-looking head.
:'''D.W.''': ''[gasps]'' At least my head doesn't look like a football with glasses!
:'''Arthur''': No, your head looks like a big meatloaf with raisins!
:'''Mrs. Read''': We'll be back at 10:30. Here's the phone number. The kids shouldn't need anything.
:'''D.W.''': Mom! Arthur said my head looks like a watermelon except for the bad haircut!
:'''Arthur''': She started it!
:'''Catherine''': I can handle it. Have a good time!
:'''David''': Thanks. Be good, kids!
:'''Arthur''': She started it.
:'''Catherine''': I have a lot of homework, so why don't you two go play quietly at opposite ends of the house?
:'''D.W.''': I ditch my room!
:'''Arthur''': I wouldn't want to go to your stupid messy girl-room anyway!
:'''D.W.''': Clammy clam-face!
:'''Arthur''': Turtle-breath!
:'''Catherine''': Hey!!
:'''D.W.''': I don't have turtle-breath! Smell!
:'''Catherine''': What's going on here?
:'''D.W.''': He called me turtle-breath!
:'''Catherine''': Why are you in her room?
:'''Arthur''': She took my red crayon.
:'''D.W.''': I had to! It's a castle coloring book! There's a lot of bricks!
:'''Catherine''': D.W., give him his crayon. Arthur, go back to the den.
:'''D.W.''': This isn't working because Arthur knows more words than me. Catherine, you're so smart. What's another word for &quot;boring&quot;?
:'''Catherine''': If you wanna know the words that mean the same as other words, you look in a thesaurus.
:'''D.W.''': I can't read!
:'''Catherine''': I'll look it up for you.
:'''D.W.''': You are tedious!
:'''Arthur''': Huh?
:'''D.W.''': I did it! I did it! I win! Yahoo! Yay!
:'''Arthur''': Tedious, tedious... hey! Do you know another word for &quot;annoying&quot;?
:'''D.W.''': Does the saurus have a word for someone who eats too much cake?
:'''Catherine''': You kids are really working on your vocabulary! I'm so impressed!
:'''D.W.''': You are distended from eating cake. Plus you are both corpulent and adipose.
:'''Arthur''': You are... vapid.
:'''D.W.''': If I'm vapid, you're atrocious and heinous. I bet you don't even know what that means. I do.
:'''Arthur''': Well, at least my initials don't stand for &quot;dimwit&quot;.
:'''D.W.''': Ha, Tommy Tibble came up with that and he's my age. You lose!
:'''Arthur''': Oh, I know what you are. You wanna know what you really are? You're such a... Dora Winifred!
:'''D.W.''': ''[gasps]''
:'''Arthur''': Dora Winifred! Dora Winifred!
:'''D.W.''': Stop it! Stop it! Make him stop!
:'''Catherine''': Alright, bedtime!
:'''D.W.''': ''[whines]''
:'''Arthur''': ''[smirks]''
:'''D.W.''': Arthur thinks he's so great.
:'''Catherine''': Now go to sleep, D.W.
:'''D.W.''': I'm not gonna let him beat me.

===''Finders Key-pers'' [2.19b]===

===''How the Cookie Crumbles'' [2.20a]===

===''Sue Ellen's Little Sister'' [2.20b]===
:'''David Read''': Sue Ellen, what's going on?!

[[Category:Television show seasons]]</text>
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== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/137.28.231.244|137.28.231.244]] ==

* {{vandal|137.28.231.244}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Trinitrotolueno|Trinitrotolueno]] ([[User talk:Trinitrotolueno|talk]]) 21:42, 13 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:20, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/66.216.210.4|66.216.210.4]] ==

* {{vandal|66.216.210.4}}
Vandalism. Repeating cross-wiki abuse and quote-less page creation after the last block. &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:46, 14 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} 2 week rangeblock —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:21, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Smile-to-talk|Smile-to-talk]] ==

* {{vandal|Smile-to-talk}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:30, 14 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} warned. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:22, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Signfix|Signfix]] ==

* {{vandal|Signfix}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:41, 14 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:22, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Sharda24|Sharda24]] ==

* {{vandal|Sharda24}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:06, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}}, reported at [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:23, 17 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/CheaperByTheDozen|CheaperByTheDozen]] ==

* {{vandal|CheaperByTheDozen}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:20, 17 March 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked and offending pages deleted. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:20, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/97.136.146.116|97.136.146.116]] ==

* {{vandal|97.136.146.116}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:53, 17 March 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} (by another user). ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:21, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

== New concerning 2001:8003:DCA9:E700:0:0:0:0 ==

* {{IPvandal|2001:8003:DCA9:E700:0:0:0:0/64}}
* {{IPvandal|2001:8003:DC14:0:0:0:0:0/64}}

https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Log/block&amp;page=User%3A2001%3A8003%3ADCA9%3AE700%3A0%3A0%3A0%3A0%2F64

https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Log/block&amp;page=User%3A2001%3A8003%3A3C4B%3AB600%3A0%3A0%3A0%3A0%2F64

Please semi protect the article [[Chess]] against IP editing.

There is repeated vandalism from IPs since the year 2021, see the article history. {{ping|Antandrus}} --[[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 15:01, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:28, 18 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Lifecircle08|Lifecircle08]] ==

* {{vandal|Lifecircle08}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:47, 18 March 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}}, deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:27, 18 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Mydailytechnew2|Mydailytechnew2]] ==

* {{vandal|Mydailytechnew2}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:33, 18 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:28, 18 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Shivam Seat Cover|Shivam Seat Cover]] ==

* {{vandal|Shivam Seat Cover}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:18, 20 March 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:12, 20 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Shinhasarder2343|Shinhasarder2343]] ==

* {{vandal|Shinhasarder2343}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:33, 20 March 2025 (UTC)
: The user removed SD tag from [[MD. Shinha Sarder]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 10:01, 20 March 2025 (UTC)
::While I have deleted the page (since it had no quotes), I don't know that I would say that there was vandalism here - more a lack of understanding of the project. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:14, 20 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Beun1223|Beun1223]] ==

* {{vandal|Beun1223}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 21:29, 20 March 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} by {{User|Lemonaka}}. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:43, 21 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Debitstatting|Debitstatting]] ==

* {{vandal|Debitstatting}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:17, 21 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:14, 23 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/76.35.98.14|76.35.98.14]] ==

* {{vandal|76.35.98.14}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:43, 21 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:14, 23 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/12any|12any]] ==

* {{vandal|12any}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:39, 23 March 2025 (UTC)
: The user is repeating SD tag removal at [[ProfCanny]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:48, 23 March 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}}, reporting at [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:14, 23 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Servicesell1234|Servicesell1234]] ==

* {{vandal|Servicesell1234}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:42, 26 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 17:07, 26 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Spherulengo|Spherulengo]] ==

* {{vandal|Spherulengo}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 26 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 17:08, 26 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2603:6010:D8F0:E20:DD08:13FC:43DA:F14D|2603:6010:D8F0:E20:DD08:13FC:43DA:F14D]] ==

* {{vandal|2603:6010:D8F0:E20:DD08:13FC:43DA:F14D}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:59, 27 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} one week, did cleanup of test pages with no quotes. There seems to be some coordination with a different IP, also blocked {{vandal|76.35.98.14}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 00:23, 28 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2603:9000:DE00:84A3:FCA9:D662:175F:D38D|2603:9000:DE00:84A3:FCA9:D662:175F:D38D]] ==

* {{vandal|2603:9000:DE00:84A3:FCA9:D662:175F:D38D}}
Vandalism. Check deleted contrib, created multiple pages that out of project scope. &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Aqurs1|Aqurs1]] ([[User talk:Aqurs1|talk]]) 14:09, 28 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2603:6010:D8F0:E20:B597:CD00:288C:5420|2603:6010:D8F0:E20:B597:CD00:288C:5420]] ==

* {{vandal|2603:6010:D8F0:E20:B597:CD00:288C:5420}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:07, 28 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} I blocked the /64 causing problems from a range of IP addresses. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 02:33, 29 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Historybell05|Historybell05]] ==

* {{vandal|Historybell05}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:48, 29 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} and yeeted the spam page as well. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 12:29, 29 March 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-03-31, 01:13 ==

* {{IPvandal|104.14.129.233}}

The same person who vandalized [[Beast Wars: Transformers]] is doing it again. - [[User:FilmandTVFan28|FilmandTVFan28]] ([[User talk:FilmandTVFan28|talk]]) 01:15, 31 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:34, 1 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/188.93.112.241|188.93.112.241]] ==

* {{vandal|188.93.112.241}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:34, 31 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:34, 1 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Asjakqiku|Asjakqiku]] ==

* {{vandal|Asjakqiku}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:34, 31 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:36, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/202bh|202bh]] ==

* {{vandal|202bh}}
Block evasion of [[Special:Contributions/Biuc12]]. &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:34, 2 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} indef block. Same sock account making Alexander Lukison edits at en-wiki. I undid those edits but I am not an admin there. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 16:06, 2 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Rabbitoy|Rabbitoy]] ==

* {{vandal|Rabbitoy}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:14, 2 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 16:07, 2 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Ijmremodeling4|Ijmremodeling4]] ==

* {{vandal|Ijmremodeling4}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:38, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} block and cleanup done by GMG. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 15:41, 6 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2402:1980:8310:144:C8E:B57C:5C16:2EB8|2402:1980:8310:144:C8E:B57C:5C16:2EB8]] ==

* {{vandal|2402:1980:8310:144:C8E:B57C:5C16:2EB8}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:44, 6 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 15:42, 6 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Khusha digital|Khusha digital]] ==

* {{vandal|Khusha digital}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:36, 8 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} Globally locked tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 17:18, 8 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/75.205.237.149|75.205.237.149]] ==

* {{vandal|75.205.237.149}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:48, 8 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} I also recently blocked a different IP from California for adding the same &quot;balls&quot; quote to my talk page. Mysterious how some people choose to find fun. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 17:17, 8 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:1011:A03E:B73B:E519:E650:F78F:5FC0|2600:1011:A03E:B73B:E519:E650:F78F:5FC0]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:1011:A03E:B73B:E519:E650:F78F:5FC0}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:BlackShadoww|BlackShadoww]] ([[User talk:BlackShadoww|talk]]) 22:18, 8 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked 1 week for vandalism. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 22:37, 8 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2601:1C2:81:AB70:3C0B:4FE3:6164:EDE|2601:1C2:81:AB70:3C0B:4FE3:6164:EDE]] ==

* {{vandal|2601:1C2:81:AB70:3C0B:4FE3:6164:EDE}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:48, 9 April 2025 (UTC)

: {{done}} I blocked the IP and deleted the pages. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 12:49, 9 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Would build|Would build]] ==

* {{vandal|Would build}}
LTA, [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]] &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:46, 10 April 2025 (UTC)

:Indeed I created the pages because they have citations on [[Google]] Please [[search]] for each [[Names|name]] that I created a page for You will find that what I said is correct and [[identical]] As for Alaa I have no background or [[knowledge]] of him This is the first time I have heard of him What are all the names mentioned? I only have one name. [[User:Would build|Would build]] ([[User talk:Would build|talk]]) 10:00, 11 April 2025 (UTC)
::Blocked, clearly the same evasive tactics used by previous LTA accounts promoting Mohamed AlAgha. And the rest of the articles created probably require cleanup as well. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 11:29, 11 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Shernukh Despicable|Shernukh Despicable]] ==

* {{vandal|Shernukh Despicable}}
LTA, [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]] &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:46, 10 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} clearly same LTA [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 11:30, 11 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Engineer Zak|Engineer Zak]] ==

* {{vandal|Engineer Zak}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:43, 12 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} 18:18, 13 April 2025 (UTC) [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:18, 13 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! 2|SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! 2]] ==

* {{vandal|SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! 2}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:USSR-Slav|USSR-Slav]] ([[User talk:USSR-Slav|talk]]) 08:08, 13 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:15, 13 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Imagepro2|Imagepro2]] ==

* {{vandal|Imagepro2}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:09, 13 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:15, 13 April 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-04-18, 13:49 ==

* {{IPvandal|76.122.3.178}}

Repeated vandalism. [[User:Svartava|Svartava]] ([[User talk:Svartava|talk]]) 13:50, 18 April 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:49, 18 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:100E:A120:2B52:D5FD:AE03:90C9:A381|2600:100E:A120:2B52:D5FD:AE03:90C9:A381]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:100E:A120:2B52:D5FD:AE03:90C9:A381}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:27, 14 April 2025 (UTC)

:Globally blocked tho not by me [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:11, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/TarzanBoyFan|TarzanBoyFan]] ==

* {{vandal|TarzanBoyFan}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:48, 14 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}}, also globally blocked. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:10, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Jankhan1114|Jankhan1114]] ==

* {{vandal|Jankhan1114}}
Adding spam links &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Ternera|Ternera]] ([[User talk:Ternera|talk]]) 02:35, 16 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:09, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Corteiz0102|Corteiz0102]] ==

* {{vandal|Corteiz0102}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:36, 17 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:08, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Crystalwebster|Crystalwebster]] ==

* {{vandal|Crystalwebster}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:02, 18 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:12, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Intellectualpropertyorg|Intellectualpropertyorg]] ==

* {{vandal|Intellectualpropertyorg}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:06, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:06, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Reversi the great|Reversi the great]] ==

* {{vandal|Reversi the great}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Ternera|Ternera]] ([[User talk:Ternera|talk]]) 22:09, 19 April 2025 (UTC)
: Handled globally. &lt;span style=&quot;display:inline-block;text-align:center;vertical-align:bottom;line-height:0.5em;&quot;&gt;~~&lt;nowiki/&gt;~~&lt;br/&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;font-size:0.7em;&quot;&gt;[[User:1234qwer1234qwer4]] ([[User talk:1234qwer1234qwer4|talk]])&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt; 22:14, 19 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Myriamphoto|Myriamphoto]] ==

* {{vandal|Myriamphoto}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:44, 20 April 2025 (UTC)

:???? [[User:Myriamphoto|Myriamphoto]] ([[User talk:Myriamphoto|talk]]) 12:04, 20 April 2025 (UTC)
::{{done}} warned. Please do not post spam here. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:17, 20 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/222.127.93.32|222.127.93.32]] ==

* {{vandal|222.127.93.32}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:27, 20 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:17, 20 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/192.36.155.238|192.36.155.238]] ==

* {{vandal|192.36.155.238}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:23, 21 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else deleting the contribs. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:47, 21 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Arbitrary Reversi Star|Arbitrary Reversi Star]] ==

* {{vandal|Arbitrary Reversi Star}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:02, 22 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:06, 22 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Lucku89202|Lucku89202]] ==

* {{vandal|Lucku89202}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:49, 22 April 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:12, 22 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Farshidn28|Farshidn28]] ==

* {{vandal|Farshidn28}}
Spamming &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Hide on Rosé|Hide on Rosé]] ([[User talk:Hide on Rosé|talk]]) 09:14, 22 April 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:14, 22 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:100C:B023:EBE3:11D8:289D:78C1:B8A2|2600:100C:B023:EBE3:11D8:289D:78C1:B8A2]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:100C:B023:EBE3:11D8:289D:78C1:B8A2}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Sakura emad|Sakura emad]] ([[User talk:Sakura emad|talk]]) 15:07, 22 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 15:49, 22 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Supportsofttech|Supportsofttech]] ==

* {{vandal|Supportsofttech}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:19, 23 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} - blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:20, 23 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/41.114.96.59|41.114.96.59]] ==

* {{vandal|41.114.96.59}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:59, 23 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:08, 25 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/ElseworthJohn|ElseworthJohn]] ==

* {{vandal|ElseworthJohn}}
Possible link spam, please see [https://spamcheck.toolforge.org/by-domain?q=uklaw.co.uk] &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:47, 25 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked for making clearly inappropriate external link, inserted as first and only edit. NOTHERE. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:08, 25 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2601:1C2:81:AB70:902:5DA0:6EAF:984C|2601:1C2:81:AB70:902:5DA0:6EAF:984C]] ==

* {{vandal|2601:1C2:81:AB70:902:5DA0:6EAF:984C}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:58, 23 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}}, all deleted. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 02:08, 29 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/R3F6O7|R3F6O7]] ==

* {{vandal|R3F6O7}}
Vandalism. Lazy to tag every page for speedy deletion, please nuke them thanks. &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Aqurs1|Aqurs1]] ([[User talk:Aqurs1|talk]]) 09:25, 28 April 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} pages deleted and user blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:34, 28 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:1700:FF00:46A0:0:0:0:0/64|2600:1700:FF00:46A0:0:0:0:0/64]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:1700:FF00:46A0:0:0:0:0/64}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:FlyingAce|FlyingAce]] ([[User talk:FlyingAce|talk]]) 10:24, 28 April 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}} reverted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:35, 28 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:1700:FF00:46A0:3092:9C27:C936:36F8|2600:1700:FF00:46A0:3092:9C27:C936:36F8]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:1700:FF00:46A0:3092:9C27:C936:36F8}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Langusto|Langusto]] ([[User talk:Langusto|talk]]) 10:43, 28 April 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}} - repeat of above notice. Reverted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:36, 28 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2603:8001:8701:8E03:D039:8DCF:2DFB:52AD|2603:8001:8701:8E03:D039:8DCF:2DFB:52AD]] ==

* {{vandal|2603:8001:8701:8E03:D039:8DCF:2DFB:52AD}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:00, 29 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 02:07, 29 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2601:1C2:81:AB70:3CCE:ED47:113C:CCBD|2601:1C2:81:AB70:3CCE:ED47:113C:CCBD]] ==

* {{vandal|2601:1C2:81:AB70:3CCE:ED47:113C:CCBD}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:07, 29 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:48, 29 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Cblmhospitalfh|Cblmhospitalfh]] ==

* {{vandal|Cblmhospitalfh}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:17, 29 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:40, 5 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/TheDigitalFlix|TheDigitalFlix]] ==

* {{vandal|TheDigitalFlix}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:10, 29 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:40, 5 May 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-05-5, 21:54 ==

* {{IPvandal|2600:1700:FF00:2770:1934:788B:F4F2:3515}}
* {{IPvandal|2600:1700:FF00:2770:3093:B811:1F8:7D7B}}

Vandalism. [[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 21:56, 5 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} I blocked the 64, since this seems to be the same vandal using a variable IP. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 00:26, 6 May 2025 (UTC)

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/2600:1700:FF00:2770:1934:788B:F4F2:3515

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/2600:1700:FF00:2770:3093:B811:1F8:7D7B
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Adebayo Olamilekanl|Adebayo Olamilekanl]] ==

* {{vandal|Adebayo Olamilekanl}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:50, 5 May 2025 (UTC)

:The only spam (userpage) was already deleted. I left message on talk page explaining the problem and no further edits have been made. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 21:46, 6 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/CommonsBuilder|CommonsBuilder]] ==

* {{vandal|CommonsBuilder}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:41, 6 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:28, 7 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Paintingdrive|Paintingdrive]] ==

* {{vandal|Paintingdrive}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:56, 7 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:27, 7 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/OceanAteAlaska|OceanAteAlaska]] ==

* {{vandal|OceanAteAlaska}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:16, 9 May 2025 (UTC)

:Globally Blocked [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:35, 9 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Bhushan1999|Bhushan1999]] ==

* {{vandal|Bhushan1999}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 10:49, 9 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 10:50, 9 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Cashappzone|Cashappzone]] ==

* {{vandal|Cashappzone}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:17, 9 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}}, reported at [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 23:19, 9 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Ramodstyree|Ramodstyree]] ==

* {{vandal|Ramodstyree}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:53, 9 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:04, 10 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2401:4900:73F0:A3F3:89CB:E90A:6590:89D|2401:4900:73F0:A3F3:89CB:E90A:6590:89D]] ==

* {{vandal|2401:4900:73F0:A3F3:89CB:E90A:6590:89D}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 09:54, 10 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:35, 10 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:387:1:803:0:0:0:5C|2600:387:1:803:0:0:0:5C]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:387:1:803:0:0:0:5C}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Langusto|Langusto]] ([[User talk:Langusto|talk]]) 18:52, 10 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 21:23, 10 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/JohnJoan&amp;Johnny|JohnJoan&amp;Johnny]] ==

* {{vandal|JohnJoan&amp;Johnny}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Sakura emad|Sakura emad]] ([[User talk:Sakura emad|talk]]) 20:42, 10 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 21:23, 10 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Sydneyuk|Sydneyuk]] ==

* {{vandal|2400:ADC5:169:0:0:0:0:0/48}}

also

* {{vandal|Sydneyuk}}
This looks like someone spamming Akhtar Aly Kureshy by several IPs and by the account Sydneyuk

This account is blocked

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/Sydneyuk

Akhtar Aly Kureshy was deleted here multiple times:

https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Akhtar_Aly_Kureshy&amp;action=edit&amp;redlink=1

Might need cleanup
&lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 22:01, 11 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Sellsinusa8|Sellsinusa8]] ==

* {{vandal|Sellsinusa8}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:04, 11 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:05, 11 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/66.216.210.4|66.216.210.4]] ==

* {{vandal|66.216.210.4}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:13, 11 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:16, 12 May 2025 (UTC)
::This is the fourth time I blocked this IP. Earlier blocks were for spam but this one is straight vandalism. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 16:47, 12 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Jhonsmith45|Jhonsmith45]] ==

* {{vandal|Jhonsmith45}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:15, 12 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 16:45, 12 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/75.146.215.29|75.146.215.29]] ==

* {{vandal|75.146.215.29}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 15:41, 12 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 16:44, 12 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Shelbertaim|Shelbertaim]] ==

* {{vandal|Shelbertaim}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:44, 13 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked and content deleted. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:00, 13 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2001:8003:DC14:0:0:0:0:0/48]] ==

* White supremacist, antisemite, long-term problem; probable ban evasion ([[User:TVEBOR]]) - adding swastikas, racist propaganda, replacing pictures of Black people with white, removing quotes by Jews, etc. etc. A lot of his vandalism and POV-pushing is sneaky and obfuscated (often you need to scroll down in a diff.) This /48 probably best captures his current IPv6 range. Will make a noticeboard post if necessary. Tonight's IP is [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/2001:8003:DC14:0:FDB3:2B29:9325:256]. Thank you - [[User:Antandrus|Antandrus]] ([[User talk:Antandrus|talk]]) 02:23, 13 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:39, 13 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/James dayeeb|James dayeeb]] ==

* {{vandal|James dayeeb}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:19, 13 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:35, 13 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Xover's Son|Xover's Son]] ==

* {{vandal|Xover's Son}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:03, 13 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked and deleted. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:38, 13 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Nicalismedicine|Nicalismedicine]] ==

* {{vandal|Nicalismedicine}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:28, 13 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked and deleted. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:38, 13 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Webpivots|Webpivots]] ==

* {{vandal|Webpivots}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:00, 14 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 12:12, 14 May 2025 (UTC)
::Reported at [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 12:15, 14 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Wazih Perfume &amp; Fragness|Wazih Perfume &amp; Fragness]] ==

* {{vandal|Wazih Perfume &amp; Fragness}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:37, 15 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 11:44, 16 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/46.188.164.176|46.188.164.176]] ==

* {{vandal|46.188.164.176}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Sakura emad|Sakura emad]] ([[User talk:Sakura emad|talk]]) 17:35, 15 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 11:45, 16 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Aidentaylors|Aidentaylors]] ==

* {{vandal|Aidentaylors}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:15, 16 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 13:23, 16 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Maraadamb3|Maraadamb3]] ==

* {{vandal|Maraadamb3}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:30, 16 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 13:37, 16 May 2025 (UTC)
::Reported at [[:m:]]. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 13:38, 16 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Loftyus|Loftyus]] ==

* {{vandal|Loftyus}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:24, 19 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} globally. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:52, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Besturdu|Besturdu]] ==

* {{vandal|Besturdu}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:33, 19 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:53, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2603:8001:8701:8E03:761C:3F36:F21F:FAD0|2603:8001:8701:8E03:761C:3F36:F21F:FAD0]] ==

* {{vandal|2603:8001:8701:8E03:761C:3F36:F21F:FAD0}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:30, 19 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:53, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/29912 Hello|29912 Hello]] ==

* {{vandal|29912 Hello}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:08, 19 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:53, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Gsfdswghhgf29912|Gsfdswghhgf29912]] ==

* {{vandal|Gsfdswghhgf29912}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:13, 19 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:54, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/175.107.216.70|175.107.216.70]] ==

* {{vandal|175.107.216.70}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:34, 19 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:54, 20 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/321SPONGEBOLT, Josiahblaze0|321SPONGEBOLT, Josiahblaze0]] ==

* {{vandal|321SPONGEBOLT, Josiahblaze0}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:04, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 01:26, 21 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Albertt711|Albertt711]] ==

* {{vandal|Albertt711}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:07, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 01:22, 21 May 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-05-20, 17:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Rgato1536}}

Only creation of nonsense pages [[User:Samuele2002|Samuele2002]] ([[User talk:Samuele2002|talk]]) 17:18, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 01:20, 21 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Tomburke612|Tomburke612]] ==

* {{vandal|Tomburke612}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:42, 22 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 23:35, 24 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning block-evading white supremacist/antisemite ==

* Multiple IPs, one static, and others highly dynamic:
:(The original, currently blocked, was https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/2001:8003:DC14:0:0:0:0:0/48)
:{{Vandal|2001:8004:52E0:44E5:5C70:DA73:B43C:117E}} (current as of this report)
:{{Vandal|203.54.155.190}} (static)
:{{Vandal|2001:8004:6BA0:F08F:C9B6:1A4:F8D9:F9E7}}
:{{Vandal|2001:8004:52E1:6E1F:78B5:F277:5954:3616}}
Comment - This person is persistent and returns with a differnet IPv6 every time. His POV-pushing is often sneaky and obfuscated; he adds swastikas, anti-vax propaganda, outright racist garbage on pages where it doesn't belong, etc. Often you have to scroll down in a diff, and go to the source of an image, to see what he is doing. I will make a noticeboard post if necessary. This has been going on at least since 2019. [[User:Antandrus|Antandrus]] ([[User talk:Antandrus|talk]]) 01:06, 23 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:01, 25 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/96.35.74.197|96.35.74.197]] ==

* {{vandal|96.35.74.197}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:02, 24 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:01, 25 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/TamHamGhor|TamHamGhor]] ==

* {{vandal|TamHamGhor}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:02, 24 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:01, 25 May 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-05-24, 21:37 ==

* {{IPvandal|75.127.152.34}}
* {{IPvandal|68.193.160.90}}

These Fourlaxers sockpuppets consistently remove content from [[Shining Time Station]] without explanation. They were given warnings, but they refuse to comply. They must be blocked indefinitely, and it is recommended the page be protected indefinitely. It is the only way they are going to stop. [[Special:Contributions/100.8.243.246|100.8.243.246]] 22:33, 24 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by protecting, no blocks. Anyone else can block if deemed fit. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:03, 25 May 2025 (UTC)
::That will do, but if the sockpuppet(s) persist after the protection expires, or if a sockpuppet account should happen to make those same edits, they must be indefinitely blocked on sight. [[Special:Contributions/100.8.243.246|100.8.243.246]] 02:00, 25 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:100F:A021:8696:2CFF:3709:AFAD:772B|2600:100F:A021:8696:2CFF:3709:AFAD:772B]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:100F:A021:8696:2CFF:3709:AFAD:772B}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:21, 24 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:04, 25 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/ChunzwBot|ChunzwBot]] ==

* {{vandal|ChunzwBot}}
Vandalism. Also violates [[WQ:Username policy]] &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --&lt;span style=&quot;color:#dbf;font:bold 100% 'Brush Script MT',cursive;padding:0 .75em 0 .5em&quot;&gt;— [[User:NaomiAmethyst|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#c8f&quot;&gt;Naomi&lt;/span&gt;]] [[User talk:NaomiAmethyst|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#93f&quot;&gt;Amethyst&lt;/span&gt;]]&lt;/span&gt; 06:36, 25 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 10:00, 25 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/97.211.78.197|97.211.78.197]] ==

* {{vandal|97.211.78.197}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:27, 26 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — short term block in place. &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 09:05, 26 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:100F:A021:8696:7C9A:2A2E:D571:68CC|2600:100F:A021:8696:7C9A:2A2E:D571:68CC]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:100F:A021:8696:7C9A:2A2E:D571:68CC}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:JJPMaster|JJP...MASTER!]]&lt;sub&gt;[[User:JJPMaster|[talk to] JJP... master?]]&lt;/sub&gt; 03:56, 26 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — short term block in place. &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 09:05, 26 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/ChanzwBot|ChanzwBot]] ==

* {{vandal|ChanzwBot}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:30, 26 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked. &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 09:05, 26 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Spyranretail70|Spyranretail70]] ==

* {{vandal|Spyranretail70}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:32, 26 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked. &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 09:05, 26 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/124.217.188.201|124.217.188.201]] ==

* {{vandal|124.217.188.201}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:JJPMaster|JJP...MASTER!]]&lt;sub&gt;[[User:JJPMaster|[talk to] JJP... master?]]&lt;/sub&gt; 13:05, 28 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked 1 week [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 08:04, 31 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/97.210.87.237|97.210.87.237]] ==

* {{vandal|97.210.87.237}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:32, 29 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} tho  not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 08:05, 31 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Theindiamovesjpr|Theindiamovesjpr]] ==

* {{vandal|Theindiamovesjpr}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:50, 29 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally locked tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 08:06, 31 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Gashi Gani1944|Gashi Gani1944]] ==

* {{vandal|Gashi Gani1944}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:18, 30 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 08:10, 31 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Donald Trump is the worst president|Donald Trump is the worst president]] ==

* {{vandal|Donald Trump is the worst president}}
LTA Zjholder &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Leonidlednev|Leonidlednev]] ([[User talk:Leonidlednev|talk]]) 22:16, 30 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally locked tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 08:11, 31 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Fùč̣k Donald Trump 2024|Fùč̣k Donald Trump 2024]] ==

* {{vandal|Fùč̣k Donald Trump 2024}}
LTA Zjholder &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Leonidlednev|Leonidlednev]] ([[User talk:Leonidlednev|talk]]) 22:24, 30 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 08:12, 31 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2605:59C0:21D7:2410:20FA:A529:93A5:25|2605:59C0:21D7:2410:20FA:A529:93A5:25]] ==

* {{vandal|2605:59C0:21D7:2410:20FA:A529:93A5:25}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --&lt;span style=&quot;color:#dbf;font:bold 100% 'Brush Script MT',cursive;padding:0 .75em 0 .5em&quot;&gt;— [[User:NaomiAmethyst|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#c8f&quot;&gt;Naomi&lt;/span&gt;]] [[User talk:NaomiAmethyst|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#93f&quot;&gt;Amethyst&lt;/span&gt;]]&lt;/span&gt; 04:17, 1 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 17:06, 1 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/64.31.104.150|64.31.104.150]] ==

* {{vandal|64.31.104.150}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 20:05, 1 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 02:43, 2 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Astrologersneha|Astrologersneha]] ==

* {{vandal|Astrologersneha}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:48, 2 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 13:50, 2 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/MIarch11|MIarch11]] ==

* {{Vandal|MIarch11}}

Clearly only here to vandalize and not to build. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 21:31, 2 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:02, 3 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/SiddhnathPune|SiddhnathPune]] ==

* {{vandal|SiddhnathPune}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:28, 3 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:06, 3 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Luccy Wilson|Luccy Wilson]] ==

* {{vandal|Luccy Wilson}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:36, 3 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:07, 3 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/71.195.107.170|71.195.107.170]] ==

* {{vandal|71.195.107.170}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:35, 4 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:26, 10 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2603:3006:1801:C800:C0D5:B48D:3B9B:C33F|2603:3006:1801:C800:C0D5:B48D:3B9B:C33F]] ==

* {{vandal|2603:3006:1801:C800:C0D5:B48D:3B9B:C33F}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:00, 4 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:26, 10 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Kojo seven|Kojo seven]] ==

* {{vandal|Kojo seven}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:48, 10 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}}, I hope a warning is enough. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:27, 10 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Samdiago1234|Samdiago1234]] ==

* {{vandal|Samdiago1234}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:30, 10 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:04, 10 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/ItzTheKnight16|ItzTheKnight16]] ==

* {{vandal|ItzTheKnight16}}
[[:w:WP:NOTWEBHOST]], removed CSD tag by IP. &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:02, 10 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 23:07, 10 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2804:D51:447F:6600:496B:3ED2:F1C2:549A|2804:D51:447F:6600:496B:3ED2:F1C2:549A]] ==

* {{vandal|2804:D51:447F:6600:496B:3ED2:F1C2:549A}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Leonidlednev|Leonidlednev]] ([[User talk:Leonidlednev|talk]]) 16:15, 11 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:34, 11 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/गुंडा|गुंडा]] ==

* {{vandal|गुंडा}}
Recreated [[Abdelnaser Abdelfatah]], please see [[Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard/Archive/040#Return_of_Abdel_Nasser_Abdel_Fattah_Mohamed_(ANAFM)]]. &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:08, 11 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/66.216.210.4|66.216.210.4]] ==

* {{vandal|66.216.210.4}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:28, 11 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked and pages deleted. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:54, 12 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/GMK7|GMK7]] ==

* {{vandal|GMK7}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:03, 14 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/96.35.74.197|96.35.74.197]] ==

* {{vandal|96.35.74.197}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:41, 14 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/50.226.140.190|50.226.140.190]] ==

* {{vandal|50.226.140.190}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:20, 15 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/182.178.120.110|182.178.120.110]] ==

* {{vandal|182.178.120.110}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:22, 15 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-15, 20:41 ==

* {{IPvandal|50.226.140.190}}

Creating many bad pages. [[User:Zaxxon0|Zaxxon0]] ([[User talk:Zaxxon0|talk]]) 20:41, 15 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/208.40.86.22|208.40.86.22]] ==

* {{vandal|208.40.86.22}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:52, 16 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/GrowwMax InfoTech Pvt. Ltd India|GrowwMax InfoTech Pvt. Ltd India]] ==

* {{vandal|GrowwMax InfoTech Pvt. Ltd India}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:14, 16 June 2025 (UTC)
: already blocked. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 12:20, 17 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Aarti5678|Aarti5678]] ==

* {{vandal|Aarti5678}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:14, 17 June 2025 (UTC)
: Blocked. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 12:20, 17 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Anchaldigital|Anchaldigital]] ==

* {{vandal|Anchaldigital}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:09, 18 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else, reported to [[:m:]]. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 14:13, 18 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Opinnate|Opinnate]] ==

* {{vandal|Opinnate}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:29, 18 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 14:13, 18 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-19, 06:27 ==

* {{Vandal|Cuumora}}
Vandalism-only account. [[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 06:28, 19 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:35, 19 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2409:4089:AB3D:32AC:0:0:5F4A:F313|2409:4089:AB3D:32AC:0:0:5F4A:F313]] ==

* {{vandal|2409:4089:AB3D:32AC:0:0:5F4A:F313}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:56, 19 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 08:28, 19 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/173.207.58.96|173.207.58.96]] ==

* {{vandal|173.207.58.96}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:56, 19 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 08:28, 19 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Dandeleon14|Dandeleon14]] ==

* {{vandal|Dandeleon14}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:25, 19 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 08:29, 19 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Nanhost049|Nanhost049]] ==

* {{vandal|Nanhost049}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:17, 22 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 05:48, 22 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/35.39.105.217|35.39.105.217]] ==

* {{vandal|35.39.105.217}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:19, 22 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 05:48, 22 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Super Mario Bros kart on Wekequote|Super Mario Bros kart on Wekequote]] ==

* {{vandal|Super Mario Bros kart on Wekequote}}
Vandalism. [[Special:Contributions/35.39.105.217]] &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:19, 22 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 05:48, 22 June 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-06-24, 22:24 ==

* {{IPvandal|173.207.58.96}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:16, 24 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 23:31, 24 June 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-06-26, 02:06 ==

* {{IPvandal|103.95.39.28}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:56, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 04:04, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-06-26, 11:11 ==

* {{Vandal|SEObacklink963622}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:59, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} globally —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:20, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-28, 23:22 ==

* {{Vandal|Jewelrugs1}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:23, 28 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:22, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-28, 23:23 ==

* {{IPvandal|2603:8001:8701:8E03:F583:37AF:5885:8129}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:24, 28 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:24, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-30, 04:28 ==

* {{Vandal|GMK7}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:29, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}}, reporting at [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:26, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-30, 05:38 ==

* {{Vandal|Cineyadsd}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:41, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} reported at [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:44, 30 June 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-06-30, 09:32 ==

* {{Vandal|Axcessrent}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:41, 30 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked locally by {{user|UDScott}}, and blocked globally also. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:14, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-30, 22:39 ==

* {{Vandal|CloudRafanan}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:51, 30 June 2025 (UTC)
: Posted warning to talk page. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:14, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-30, 22:52 ==

* {{IPvandal|2600:387:C:7210:0:0:0:2}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:54, 30 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked IP for 2 weeks. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:14, 30 June 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-1, 22:27 ==

* {{Vandal|Akande1234}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:51, 1 July 2025 (UTC)
: Globally blocked by vermont. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 03:59, 3 July 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-2, 12:06 ==

* {{Vandal|Jannelk247}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:21, 2 July 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}} indef blocked -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 04:00, 3 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-3, 00:06 ==

* {{IPvandal|2600:1700:5AED:1000:92E:CD90:2DF5:D4C1}}

It's the same vandal who once again vandalized [[The Father (2020 film)]], [[News of the World]], and [[Loonatics Unleashed]]. I don't want to risk edit warring. - [[User:FilmandTVFan28|FilmandTVFan28]] ([[User talk:FilmandTVFan28|talk]]) 00:38, 3 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 20:42, 7 July 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-5, 04:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Traveliciousbites}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:18, 5 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 20:46, 7 July 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-5, 06:54 ==

* {{Vandal|Marian122298}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:25, 5 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 20:47, 7 July 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-7, 12:08 ==

* {{Vandal|AAS Direct HQ}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:09, 7 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} reporting to [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 20:47, 7 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-8, 11:31 ==

* {{Vandal|Provent-compliance}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:54, 8 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 12:11, 8 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-9, 12:27 ==

* {{Vandal|Walidfalcon}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:27, 9 July 2025 (UTC)
: Blocked. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 13:26, 9 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-12, 11:07 ==

* {{Vandal|Solamalaicollege}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:58, 12 July 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked and deleted. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 13:44, 12 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-13, 21:01 ==

* {{IPvandal|71.195.107.170}}
Vandalism [[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 21:01, 13 July 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — IP blocked. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 22:24, 13 July 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-13, 21:10 ==

* {{Vandal|OdysseusBoy}}

Vandalism. [[User:Pólux|Pólux]] ([[User talk:Pólux|talk]]) 21:11, 13 July 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 22:24, 13 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-14, 07:12 ==

* {{Vandal|Digitalnik}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:13, 14 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 09:38, 14 July 2025 (UTC)
::Reported: https://meta.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=Steward_requests%2FGlobal&amp;diff=28981228&amp;oldid=28981056 —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 09:39, 14 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-20, 03:20 ==

* {{Vandal|Medicusofhouston}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:31, 20 July 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}} blocked. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 02:16, 21 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-26, 14:05 ==

* {{Vandal|NorthernWinds}}
A short explanation for why this username should be blocked: new account that seems to be focused exclusively on Israel and Palestine (a lot of activisty on [[Zionism]] and the [[Palestine]] page). Is deleting many quotes other editors added, contacting some editors but not waiting for responses. It's been disruptive, not sure if it qualifies as vandalism or political activism or just someone who hasn't learned the process yet. [[User:A23423413|A23423413]] ([[User talk:A23423413|talk]]) 15:10, 26 July 2025 (UTC)A23423413, July 26, 2025

:Hello @[[User:A23423413|A23423413]],
:I am sorry if that is how I came across, I did not mean any wrong. You said I &quot;did not wait for a response&quot;. You are likely referring to when I pinged you [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Talk:Zionism#c-NorthernWinds-20250726121900-Notability here]. &lt;s&gt;I, in fact, did wait for a response, and did not remove your quote.&lt;/s&gt; I have removed quotes which I cannot find secondary sources for, in compliance with [[WQ:FAME]]. If there are any issues with my editing, I believe it is best to contact me and [[WQ:AGF]] before reporting, &lt;s&gt;and misleading others (&quot;not waiting for responses&quot;).&lt;/s&gt; I do not have an agenda, and if there is a &quot;process&quot; I have yet to learn about, please raise it in my talk page and I'll be more than happy to learn and contribute more in line with guidelines going forward.

:Note: upon second review of the page's history, it appears I did remove your quote, and you are the one who reinstated. I do not remember doing so, and would like to apologize. Could you please respond where I contacted you about the secondary source required for [[WQ:FAME]]?

:Best, [[User:NorthernWinds|NorthernWinds]] ([[User talk:NorthernWinds|talk]]) 15:18, 26 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-1, 07:26 ==

* {{Vandal|Handmadefever}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:26, 1 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}}, blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:42, 1 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-27, 13:26 ==

* {{IPvandal|177.98.100.114}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:26, 27 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{Ping|MathXplore}} E.g. ? I don't see any obvious vandalism. Are the quotations fake? (I've never seen this TV show). —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:09, 3 August 2025 (UTC)
:: [[Special:Log/177.98.100.114]] [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:29, 4 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-27, 13:28 ==

* {{Vandal|Mbretpix}}
* {{Vandal|RahulGandhi01}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:28, 27 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:10, 3 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-28, 22:19 ==

* {{Vandal|DJ Makosam Official 1}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:58, 28 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:10, 3 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-3, 13:24 ==

* {{Vandal|Cryptoemarketing}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:24, 3 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 17:03, 3 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-4, 01:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Jexebarb}}
* {{Vandal|Jesequote}}

Cross-wiki link spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:28, 4 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:36, 4 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-4, 01:30 ==

* {{Vandal|Ellie0804}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:31, 4 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:36, 4 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-4, 11:58 ==

* {{IPvandal|72.202.155.82}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:59, 4 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:46, 4 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-6, 12:01 ==

* {{Vandal|Bcuja}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:02, 6 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-7, 01:36 ==

* {{IPvandal|2601:243:D01:1F20:9049:4A73:338F:EE73}}

Cross-wiki spam, [[:w:WP:FORUMSHOP]], [[Special:CentralAuth/PawPatroler]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:13, 7 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-7, 07:36 ==

* {{Vandal|Provent-compliance1}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:36, 7 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}}, deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:12, 7 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-8, 12:21 ==

* {{Vandal|Proventcompliance301}}
* {{Vandal|Abarch Architects}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 8 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else, latter globally. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:38, 12 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-9, 23:18 ==

* {{Vandal|Joseph05678890}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:20, 9 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} deleted by someone else, welcomed/warned. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:39, 12 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-10, 12:46 ==

* {{Vandal|BinanceDatabase}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:48, 10 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:40, 12 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-10, 12:48 ==

* {{Vandal|Fluvos Captus}}
* [[Abdelnaser Abdelfatah]]

Spam ([[Special:CentralAuth/Абидров_Рафаэль_Беймович]], [[Special:CentralAuth/गुंडा]], [[Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard/Archive/040#Return_of_Abdel_Nasser_Abdel_Fattah_Mohamed_(ANAFM)]], [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:54, 10 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally, undoing now. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:40, 12 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-12, 02:11 ==

* {{IPvandal|187.89.104.62}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:47, 12 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} Empty pages deleted, user welcome/warned. I didn't see anything that was actually &quot;vandalism&quot;, so if I missed it, please give a diff. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:44, 12 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-12, 12:54 ==

* {{IPvandal|31.134.188.230}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:09, 12 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-14, 03:21 ==

* {{Vandal|Thegoofhere}}
Some one keeps removing pro Israel quotes only replacing them with quotes from Ali khamenei lol https://en.m.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Iran%E2%80%93Israel_war&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3793121
A short explanation for why this username should be blocked. [[User:Baratiiman|Baratiiman]] ([[User talk:Baratiiman|talk]]) 03:23, 14 August 2025 (UTC)

:I'm not? What are you even talking about, dude [[User:Thegoofhere|Thegoofhere]] ([[User talk:Thegoofhere|talk]]) 03:26, 14 August 2025 (UTC)
::I was merely removing quotes that weren't properly sourced to [[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Reliable sources|RS]], please see [[WQ:QUOTE]] [[User:Thegoofhere|Thegoofhere]] ([[User talk:Thegoofhere|talk]]) 04:10, 14 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-14, 11:40 ==

* {{Vandal|Justinmartin012}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:36, 14 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 10:07, 15 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-15, 17:55 ==

Moved to Administrators' noticeboard [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard#New_report_2025-08-15,_17:55] -[[User:IOHANNVSVERVS|IOHANNVSVERVS]] ([[User talk:IOHANNVSVERVS|talk]]) 05:00, 16 August 2025 (UTC)

* {{Vandal|NorthernWinds}}
posting here about the continued targeted subtractive vandalism by this new user on pages relating to palestine and israel. tagging {{Ping|koavf}} as promised, and also {{Ping|UDScott}}, {{Ping|Kalki}}, and {{Ping|Peter1c}} because they've been involved in talk page discussions with northernwinds. northernwinds, can you tag any editors that you think have shown support for the large cuts you've been trying to make under the notability guideline, so they can particapate in this conversation too? 

a timeline of my involvement in what's been happening is something like this:
on july 26 i noticed unusual, subtractive editing on the [[Zionism]] page from a newly created account and reverted it with a note why. northernwinds continued to cut quotes from that page anyway and started to on the [[Palestine]] page as well, so i reported it on the Vandalism in Progress page: &quot;new account that seems to be focused exclusively on Israel and Palestine (a lot of activisty on Zionism and the Palestine page). Is deleting many quotes other editors added, contacting some editors but not waiting for responses. It's been disruptive, not sure if it qualifies as vandalism or political activism or just someone who hasn't learned the process yet.&quot; northernwinds posted a defensive paragraph 8 minutes later but no admin responded and that report is now [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Wikiquote:Vandalism_in_progress/Archive/16 archived]. 

northernwinds continued trying to make large cuts of quotes other editors had added and some of the removals were reverted by admins. on august 5 i reverted their attempted mass quote removal on the [[Palestine]] page and asked them using the edit summary: &quot; which people on the page do you think should not be considered notable? and for the ones that you agree are notable but you think the quote isn't, what is a different quote by them you suggest?&quot; northernwinds posted an evasive response on the palestine talk page, which i responded to there and also said i was going to wait for some kind of feedback from an admin before deciding whether to communicate directly with them again. we both contacted {{Ping|Kalki}} on august 5 and northernwinds has a bolded explanation there that the notability guideline is not a mandate, and august 7 from {{Ping|Peter1c}} on the palestine talk page as well.

on august 12 and 13 i reverted northernwinds attempted mass removal of quotes from the [[Zionism]] and [[Israel]] pages and added the suggestion in the edit summary &quot;if you think we should make subtractive changes as a new editor, list on the talk page the names of the individuals that you think should not be considered notable, and over time we can see if other editors agree or not.&quot; and i asked on koavf's talk page: &quot;if you looked at the user's large subtractive edits and their comments on talk pages and didn't/don't interpret it as vandalism, could you write about how what they've been doing is different than cases that you do judge to be vandalism? and if you do spend some time reviewing this situation, do you have any feedback or advice for what i could try to do differently next time i notice a new editor trying to make large cuts to pages like this?&quot;
i have also reverted northernwinds july 31 attempt to remove half of the content other editors had added to the [[Israeli–Palestinian conflict]] page

i've been choosing to revert to the version of these pages right before northernwinds started trying to make cuts by misusing the notability guideline because those were most obviously political activism. but northernwinds also made a series of significant cuts to pages on july 3 with the endurance guideline as the explanation, including a third of the quotes that were on the [[Israel]] page. if anyone has already checked if some of those were made in bad faith too or not, can you let us know so we're all on the same page? [[User:A23423413|A23423413]] ([[User talk:A23423413|talk]]) 19:13, 15 August 2025 (UTC)

:This is more suitable for the administrator's noticeboard than here. You may want to move it [[User:NorthernWinds|NorthernWinds]] ([[User talk:NorthernWinds|talk]]) 19:40, 15 August 2025 (UTC)
:Hello @[[User:A23423413|A23423413]] and @[[User:NorthernWinds|NorthernWinds]]. I am willing to help resolve this disagreement. 
:1. I see NorthernWinds is making additions as well as deletions. To me this implies it is problematic to describe NorthenWinds as a vandal. I don't underestimate the value of expressing feelings along with editorial concerns, but precision of language can help avoid unnecessary escalation. See [[WQ:AGF]].
:2. If any disagreement about deletion of a quotation is documented or anticipated, Wikiquote best practice is to move the deleted quotations to the talk page, maintaining them alphabetically, and include detailed explanations for deletions and other editorial actions. 
:Thank you for your contributions to Wikiquote! ~ [[User:Peter1c|Peter1c]] ([[User talk:Peter1c|talk]]) 20:54, 15 August 2025 (UTC)
:I agree that this is better suited to the AN. Please move this there. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 21:05, 15 August 2025 (UTC)

Moved to Administrators' noticeboard [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard#New_report_2025-08-15,_17:55] -[[User:IOHANNVSVERVS|IOHANNVSVERVS]] ([[User talk:IOHANNVSVERVS|talk]]) 05:00, 16 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-15, 22:44 ==

* {{Vandal|Lesenokx}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:27, 15 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 23:32, 15 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-20, 12:24 ==

* {{Vandal|Virinchipvs}}

Cross-wiki link spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:59, 20 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:33, 20 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-24, 04:00 ==

* {{IPvandal|2804:D51:4427:6100:648E:2EEF:CA13:CC96}}

Recurring vandalism on [[The Powerpuff Girls]] and [[The Powerpuff Girls Movie]], see those pages' histories. You might want to consider blocking the whole /32 range. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 04:01, 24 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-25, 23:37 ==

* {{IPvandal|2001:8003:B437:DE00:CC40:CB84:7BC5:EA52}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:39, 25 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:33, 26 August 2025 (UTC) — blocked this IP for a month — but right now, I don’t have enough info or time to attempt a wider range block.
== New report 2025-08-26, 12:31 ==

* {{Vandal|Bunnyleisureadultcenter}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:42, 26 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 01:14, 27 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-26, 22:48 ==

* {{Vandal|Thewesternoutfit0}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:15, 26 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 01:11, 27 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-27, 22:57 ==

* {{Vandal|Defrenzel9}}

He appears to be the same IP user who vandalized [[Beast Wars: Transformers]] and [[Beast Machines: Transformers]]. - [[User:FilmandTVFan28|FilmandTVFan28]] ([[User talk:FilmandTVFan28|talk]]) 23:22, 27 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:26, 27 August 2025 (UTC) — blocked.
::Why are you not accepting me all the time including for News Of The World and for The Father? [[Special:Contributions/2600:1700:5AED:1000:C18A:F463:188A:63A0|2600:1700:5AED:1000:C18A:F463:188A:63A0]] 01:45, 28 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-28, 07:10 ==

* {{Vandal|Bajajhomeandliving}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:42, 28 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:32, 28 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-2, 08:29 ==

* {{IPvandal|150.228.135.214}}

Spam.[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:30, 2 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by rollback. I hope that's enough for now. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 12:06, 2 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-2, 22:36 ==

* {{Vandal|Cricwindow}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:53, 2 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:05, 2 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-3, 22:05 ==

* {{Vandal|OLAYINKA WALIYAT}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:00, 3 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:01, 4 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-4, 11:56 ==

* {{Vandal|Travis34567}}
* {{Vandal|Ademayowa12}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:31, 4 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else and me. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 4 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-4, 12:40 ==

* {{Vandal|We are going to get a Democratic President soon}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:46, 4 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 4 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-5, 11:55 ==

* {{Vandal|Jhonnycarmen}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:06, 5 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else, reported at [[:m:]]. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 12:21, 5 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-7, 02:38 ==

* {{Vandal|X UZBOT}}

[[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:29, 7 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:44, 7 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-7, 07:27 ==

* {{Vandal|Yellowstone Apparel}}
* {{Vandal|~2025-52117-2}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:33, 7 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} (IP not blocked as stale). —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:35, 9 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-7, 11:11 ==

* {{Vandal|Md Rafiul Islam Rafi (mrafiseo)}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:49, 7 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:35, 9 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-7, 22:13 ==

* {{Vandal|Armoredcarcomedies}}
* {{Vandal|Luka Madhieu Kuot Mou}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:38, 7 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:36, 9 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-8, 12:52 ==

* {{Vandal|Arowolo1123}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:54, 8 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else, reported to stewards. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:39, 9 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-8, 12:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-55658-1}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:55, 8 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:40, 9 September 2025 (UTC)
== Block evasion, POV-pushing white supremacist ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-51577-8}}

Block evasion; see [[Wikiquote:Administrators'_noticeboard/Archive/041#2001:8003:DC14::/48:_long-term_abuse_by_antisemitic_racist_extreme_right-wing_vandal_for_six_years|this recent noticeboard thread]] for context. [[User:Antandrus|Antandrus]] ([[User talk:Antandrus|talk]]) 15:08, 10 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:47, 15 September 2025 (UTC)
::{{replyto|Koavf}} Thanks, but it'd be better to block that temporary account for three months, which is how long they last ... that would literally only affect that user and would probably give both [[User:Antandrus|Antandrus]] and I more piece of mind. (As you can see, the temporary account encompasses the same user on multiple IP addresses). Poking at the underlying /64's of the IPV6 addresses (the ones with colons rather than dots) would also be completely safe). If I were you, I would also block [[Special:Contributions/~2025-57996-1|~2025-57996-1]] for three months as well (see below), just to cover all bases (as you can see the /64 used by that one is also used by ~2025-51577-8). [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 05:45, 15 September 2025 (UTC)
:::{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 15:05, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-11, 12:13 ==

* {{Vandal|VinnyDove}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:13, 11 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:45, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-11, 12:23 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-56504-6}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:22, 11 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:46, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-11, 20:18 ==

* {{Vandal|Patrick sigma}}

Likely a vandalism only account judging by the single edit. [[User:IanDBeacon|IanDBeacon]] ([[User talk:IanDBeacon|talk]]) 20:19, 11 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:48, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-12, 13:28 ==

* {{Vandal|InvoiceTempleApp}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:16, 12 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:49, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-13, 03:54 ==

* {{Vandal|Natieyamylostrealacc}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:51, 13 September 2025 (UTC)

:What do you mean by Vandalism? Why am I being pinged? [[User:Natieyamylostrealacc|Natieyamylostrealacc]] ([[User talk:Natieyamylostrealacc|talk]]) 14:26, 13 September 2025 (UTC)
:: I have seen [[:w:WP:YELL]] in [[special:permalink/3806533]] so I thought this is the case. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:16, 13 September 2025 (UTC)
:::I'm sorry, sir. I just put AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA in my page. I didn't know that I was breaking the rules. [[User:Natieyamylostrealacc|Natieyamylostrealacc]] ([[User talk:Natieyamylostrealacc|talk]]) 18:06, 14 September 2025 (UTC)
::::{{done}} Rare false positive, but understandable. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:39, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-13, 05:23 ==

* {{Vandal|OmranTokhi7}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:04, 13 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:51, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-13, 23:16 ==

* {{Vandal|Leonard Ali}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:17, 13 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:55, 15 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-16, 11:10 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-62212-4}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:38, 16 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-16, 23:35 ==

* {{Vandal|MakingTheWorldBetter1977}}
* {{Vandal|SheSaidCampaign}}

VFD vote stacking at [[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Shadan Kapri]] &amp; [[Talk:Shadan Kapri]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:37, 16 September 2025 (UTC)
: [[:m:Steward_requests/Checkuser/2025-09#MakingTheWorldBetter1977@en.wikiquote]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:37, 16 September 2025 (UTC)
:Is this your attempt to hide your sexism and misogyny??  Failed attempt. [[User:SheSaidCampaign|SheSaidCampaign]] ([[User talk:SheSaidCampaign|talk]]) 00:05, 17 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-17, 23:36 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-52999-8}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:36, 17 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-18, 00:00 ==

* {{Vandal|Noeruchan is worst, Thcsphuninh2006 is good}}

Vandalism only, troll username, some sort of LTA I think [[User:&amp;#126;delta|&amp;#126;delta]] ([[User talk:&amp;#126;delta|talk]]) 00:02, 18 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-18, 07:19 ==

* {{Vandal|Noeruchan are worst, Thcsphuninh2006 are best}}

Vandalism, LTA. [[User:Như Gây Mê|Như Gây Mê]] ([[User talk:Như Gây Mê|talk]]) 07:21, 18 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-18, 12:03 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-63753-0}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:02, 18 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-19, 03:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-63481-6}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:26, 19 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-19, 22:16 ==

* {{Vandal|Ayane Fumihiro is worst, ChanComThemPho is good}}

The individual's contributions make the obvious reason why. [[User:Apisite|Apisite]] ([[User talk:Apisite|talk]]) 22:17, 19 September 2025 (UTC)
: Locked globally. &lt;span style=&quot;display:inline-block;text-align:center;vertical-align:bottom;line-height:0.5em;&quot;&gt;~~&lt;nowiki/&gt;~~&lt;br/&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;font-size:0.7em;&quot;&gt;[[User:1234qwer1234qwer4]] ([[User talk:1234qwer1234qwer4|talk]])&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt; 22:46, 19 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-20, 10:55 ==

* {{Vandal|MehedisStoryland}}

[[:w:WP:NOTWEBHOST]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:43, 20 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-20, 14:38 ==

* {{Vandal|Happypengirl}}

looks like it could be vandalism. [[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 14:41, 20 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-12, 17:53 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2025-57996-1}}

https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Wikiquote:Vandalism_in_progress&amp;oldid=3806302#Block_evasion,_POV-pushing_white_supremacist

{{ping|Antandrus}}
{{ping|Graham87}}

[[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 18:10, 12 September 2025 (UTC)
:Thanks. If an admin sees this, can someone give me at least Temporary account IP viewer rights, so I can still see the IP addresses of the user involved? [[User:Antandrus|Antandrus]], you should probably get yourself these rights, but you have to request them specifically, per the Wikimedia Foundation [[wmf:Policy:Wikimedia Access to Temporary Account IP Addresses Policy|Wikimedia Access to Temporary Account IP Addresses Policy]]. This goes for everyone here. [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 18:55, 12 September 2025 (UTC)
::{{done}} I gave you six months, let me know if you need more, Graham. Thanks for all you do and have done. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:50, 15 September 2025 (UTC)
:::{{replyto|Koavf}} Thanks very much for the rights grant and the kind words. Could you please give them to me indefinitely? This user's been hanging around Wikiquote for at least five years (see [[User:Antandrus/sandbox]]) so I think I'd just be back here in another six months otherwise. Unless timed rights grants are more regular here or something. [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 04:59, 15 September 2025 (UTC)
::::{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:04, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

:::{{ping|Antandrus}} {{ping|Graham87}} can you check if [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/~2025-64984-0 this ] is the same user ? --[[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 11:02, 21 September 2025 (UTC)
::::{{replyto|ᘙ}} Thanks for the note. Don't think so. The IP doesn't match at all and the MO is a bit different. [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 11:56, 21 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-20, 20:45 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2025-67389-4}}

Looks like a sock puppet of banned user Defrenzel9. - [[User:FilmandTVFan28|FilmandTVFan28]] ([[User talk:FilmandTVFan28|talk]]) 21:30, 20 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-20, 22:35 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2025-52999-8}}

Creating tons of test pages, please nuke and block. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 23:01, 20 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-21, 11:56 ==

* {{Vandal|ShantaHowladar}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Mahichowdhury20]], Recreated [[Atikur Rahman Mahi]] ([[:w:Atikur Rahman Mahi]], [[:w:simple:Atikur Rahman Mahi]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:09, 21 September 2025 (UTC)

:Globally locked [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:27, 21 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-22, 13:26 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-68209-1}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:46, 22 September 2025 (UTC)

:* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 13:54, 22 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-22, 23:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-69132-7}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Rayhanltd]], please see [[Riptech]] (founded by [[:w:simple:Sheikh Rayhan]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:56, 22 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} by Lemonaka. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:15, 25 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-25, 01:59 ==

* {{Vandal|Jibikapexus}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:00, 25 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:20, 25 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-25, 02:00 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-26235-63}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:48, 25 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} for one month. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:20, 25 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-25, 19:58 ==

* {{Vandal|Norbir2007}}

Already blocked, but has spam requiring deletion at [[User talk:Norbir2007]]. Edit filters prevent me from blanking the page. [[User:Rsjaffe|Rsjaffe]] ([[User talk:Rsjaffe|talk]]) 20:24, 25 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:07, 25 September 2025 (UTC) — page deleted.

== New report 2025-09-26, 11:14 ==

* {{Vandal|EsunFiber}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:09, 26 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-26, 23:42 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-63481-6}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:43, 26 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} for one month. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:20, 27 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-29, 13:22 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-26549-07}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:27, 29 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 14:07, 29 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-29, 22:58 ==

* {{Vandal|Purnikushi}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:58, 29 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:38, 29 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-29, 22:58 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-27085-60}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:00, 29 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:38, 29 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-29, 23:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Sunrise vs Moonrise, I'm Not Sunrise, I'm Moonrise}}
Vandalism. --[[User:Leonidlednev|Leonidlednev]] ([[User talk:Leonidlednev|talk]]) 23:23, 29 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:28, 29 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-1, 04:25 ==

* {{Vandal|Nice Blessings}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:25, 1 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:57, 1 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-1, 04:25 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-26900-10}}

Cross-wiki issues. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:26, 1 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:57, 1 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-1, 07:45 ==

* {{Vandal|88ipgcom1}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:45, 1 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:57, 1 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-1, 07:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Napaextra376}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:47, 1 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:57, 1 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-27, 15:10 ==

* {{Vandal|Allthedays}}

Blatantly bypassing the block placed on [[Shining Time Station]] and [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Shining%20Time%20Station&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3781520 inexplicably removing content] (though I suspect that the user is yet another sockpuppet of repeat vandal Fourlaxers, [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User%20talk:DawgDeputy&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=2229277 as he considers Schemer calling his mother &quot;Mommy&quot; childish] (every quote he removed, has even the smallest hint of Schemer referencing his mother), despite the fact that that is how the show was made and he cannot do anything about it). I request that he be blocked indefinitely with account creation permanently disabled, and a stronger and longer block be placed on the article. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 15:19, 27 September 2025 (UTC)
: Declined, Vandalism already stooped. If they start edits again, feel free to re-report. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 03:12, 4 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-2, 00:02 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-27393-88}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 00:03, 2 October 2025 (UTC)
: Indeffed after talk page abuse. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 03:11, 4 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-3, 12:24 ==

* {{Vandal|Rehmanmahidu}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:24, 3 October 2025 (UTC)
: Blocked and delete -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 03:09, 4 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-4, 12:39 ==

* {{Vandal|Aroon596}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:40, 4 October 2025 (UTC)
: Blocked and delete. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 15:05, 4 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-6 18:13 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-27890-11}}

Creating vandalism pages. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 18:14, 6 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-7, 03:28 ==

* {{Vandal|Nehal Khan Jit}}
* {{Vandal|Nehal Khan Jit Chemist}}

crosswiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:29, 7 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:09, 7 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-9, 16:57 ==

* {{Vandal|Huynhthiminhngoc99 are amazingsssss}}
Long-term abuse. [[User:Leonidlednev|Leonidlednev]] ([[User talk:Leonidlednev|talk]]) 16:57, 9 October 2025 (UTC)

:(non-admin comment) Now globally locked. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 17:07, 9 October 2025 (UTC)
::Blocked here as well now. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 17:34, 9 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-9, 23:20 ==

* {{Vandal|Misrut fridew}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/गुंडा]], [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:22, 9 October 2025 (UTC)
: already locked. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 07:30, 10 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-10, 13:01 ==

* {{Vandal|2025-28348-18}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/SheSaidCampaign]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:02, 10 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:25, 10 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-10, 13:02 ==

* {{Vandal|Abidbanga}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:03, 10 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:27, 10 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-11, 12:35 ==

* {{Vandal|RalfP.Carreon78}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:35, 11 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — globally blocked by someone else. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 13:32, 12 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-12, 13:23 ==

* {{Vandal|Esimoio}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:23, 12 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked and pages deleted. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 13:33, 12 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-13, 12:36 ==

* {{Vandal|Palhsn}}

Long-term abuse. [[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Mate Sam99/Archive]], contribution on [[Mai Vu Minh]] ([[:w:Mai Vu Minh]], [[:w:simple:Mai Vu Minh]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 13 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 12:38, 13 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-13, 19:06 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2025-28703-67}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 19:07, 13 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 20:40, 13 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-14, 11:48 ==

* {{Vandal|Adeosun 007}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:19, 14 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 12:44, 14 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-14, 23:05 ==

* {{Vandal|Escort Girls In Uae}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:33, 14 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:36, 14 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-15, 14:16 ==

* {{Vandal|Sri isoftwarez}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:17, 15 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} by another admin. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:29, 15 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-18, 00:15 ==

* {{Vandal|Xewz}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Would_build]], [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]], [[Abdelnasser Abdelfattah]], [[Special:Diff/3823644]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 00:16, 18 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-18, 12:36 ==

* {{Vandal|Victoria1265}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 18 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-18, 12:49 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-29255-18}}
Vandalism. [[User:Leonidlednev|Leonidlednev]] ([[User talk:Leonidlednev|talk]]) 19:00, 18 October 2025 (UTC)

:Note: [[Special:Contributions/~2025-29159-51|~2025-29159-51]] is the same person as this [[User:Thegoofhere|Thegoofhere]] ([[User talk:Thegoofhere|talk]]) 00:17, 19 October 2025 (UTC)
::{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 01:17, 19 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-19, 11:54 ==

* {{Vandal|Ahealthydivorce}}
* {{Vandal|Beyondarchitects7}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:55, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 18:59, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-19, 11:55 ==

* {{Vandal|Alexdon10}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:58, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 19:00, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-19, 11:58 ==

* {{Vandal|Goodhiredomestichelperinsingap}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:53, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 19:01, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-19, 12:53 ==

* {{Vandal|Doublegcontractingpainting}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:56, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 19:01, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-19, 12:56 ==

* {{Vandal|Goodhiredomestichelper}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:24, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 19:01, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-20, 11:40 ==

* {{Vandal|Dacknight01}}

[[:w:WP:NOTWEBHOST]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:40, 20 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else it seems. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 13:24, 20 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-20, 11:40 ==

* {{Vandal|KaiakSa}}

Long-term abuse. [[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Mate Sam99/Archive]] ([[Special:Contributions/Palhsn]], blocked by {{u|Koavf}}), contribution on [[Mai Vũ Minh]] ([[:w:Mai Vu Minh]], [[:w:simple:Mai Vu Minh]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:44, 20 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 12:32, 20 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-21, 11:52 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-29574-83}}

Long-term abuse. [[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Mate Sam99/Archive]] ([[Special:Contributions/Palhsn]], blocked by {{u|Koavf}}), contribution on [[Mai Vũ Minh]] ([[:w:Mai Vu Minh]], [[:w:simple:Mai Vu Minh]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:28, 21 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 16:59, 21 October 2025 (UTC)
::The page has been deleted. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 17:02, 21 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-23, 11:23 ==

* {{Vandal|Betjp88}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:08, 23 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:26, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-24, 12:10 ==

* {{Vandal|AmeriSurgical}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:36, 24 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} blocked by another admin. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:26, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-24, 12:36 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-29918-98}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:40, 24 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:26, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-24, 12:40 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-29926-75}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:41, 24 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:26, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-25, 11:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Bel BZGIGI}}

Basic spam on two newly created talk pages (and on [[:meta:Talk:Wikiquote/fr]]). [[User:Lucas Werkmeister|Lucas Werkmeister]] ([[User talk:Lucas Werkmeister|talk]]) 11:22, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

:Now vandalizing the subject namespace too at [[Destiné doukaga]]. [[User:Lucas Werkmeister|Lucas Werkmeister]] ([[User talk:Lucas Werkmeister|talk]]) 13:54, 25 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-26, 05:41 ==

* {{Vandal|VedankTamrakar}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:42, 26 October 2025 (UTC)

:globally locked [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 11:42, 27 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-26, 18:55 ==

* {{IPvandal|2601:5C7:4100:3600:ADDC:867A:249D:753B/64}}

Extensive vandalism since earlier this month. [[User:NguoiDungKhongDinhDanh|NguoiDungKhongDinhDanh]] ([[User talk:NguoiDungKhongDinhDanh|talk]]) 19:55, 26 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} for one month. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 11:48, 27 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-27, 22:31 ==

* {{Vandal|Freeshops}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:08, 27 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-30, 08:39 ==

* {{Vandal|NyamericanJacket1}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:40, 30 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 11:55, 30 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-30, 22:56 ==

* {{Vandal|Muzammal Shahzad}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:56, 30 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-1, 08:35 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2025-30266-26}}

Vandalism. [[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 08:36, 1 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-5, 11:26 ==

* {{Vandal|Charlotte Millerr}}

Cross-wiki link spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:19, 5 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:21, 5 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-7, 07:36 ==

* {{Vandal|Kitoinfocoms}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:36, 7 November 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 11:02, 7 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-7, 12:14 ==

* {{Vandal|Yanok7}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:34, 7 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} by UDScott. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 03:32, 8 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-7, 22:34 ==

* {{Vandal|Hasan061}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:17, 7 November 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 03:31, 8 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-8, 06:57 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2025-31580-72}}
* {{IPvandal|~2025-31052-57}}
* {{IPvandal|~2025-31358-44}}

I believe the following unregistered editors are all tied to the same end user. Whatever the case may be, these three are shown to consistently disruptively edit the [[Looney Tunes: Back in Action]] page to a version generally accepted to contain misleading content. There is an ongoing edit war over this issue.[[User:729MT|729MT]] ([[User talk:729MT|talk]]) 07:27, 8 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 08:15, 8 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-8, 12:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Nutribray}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:17, 8 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-11, 12:20 ==

* {{Vandal|Md Tahamid Badhon}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:25, 11 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:52, 11 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-12, 12:40 ==

* {{Vandal|Dwakm}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:16, 12 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-12, 13:16 ==

* {{Vandal|Braden nekton 9}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:31, 12 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-12, 13:31 ==

* {{Vandal|SweepyMaids}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:54, 12 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-12, 14:27 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-32990-85}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:52, 12 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-12, 18:35 ==

* {{Vandal|2600:1005:B152:F260:5428:B3D5:CD09:6252}}

Classic vandalism. [[User:Left page|Left page]] ([[User talk:Left page|talk]]) 18:35, 12 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-13, 05:00 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-32982-32}}

spam, [[Special:CentralAuth/Braden_nekton_9]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:01, 13 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:48, 13 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-13, 08:21 ==

* {{Vandal|Usacarwash}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:04, 13 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-14, 12:12 ==

* {{Vandal|Americanplumbing}}

Spam, [[Special:Contributions/Americanplumbingservice]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:13, 14 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-13, 09:04 ==

* {{Vandal|MortleyT1}}

[[:w:WP:NOTWEBHOST]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:10, 13 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:28, 15 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-14, 13:16 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-33528-17}}

Vandalism, removed CSD tag, [[Special:Contributions/GMK7]] (Recreated [[Temperance Fitzgerald]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:18, 14 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:33, 15 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-15, 3:46 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-33593-32}}

Vandalism-only account. [[User:Left page|&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;⬅️ '''Left page'''&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Left page|'''discuss''']]) 03:47, 15 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:35, 15 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-15, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|Mmusolan11}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:38, 15 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 14:37, 15 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-15, 15:39 ==

* {{Vandal|LastHappyhippo}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 15:39, 17 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-19, 13:15 ==

* {{Vandal|Proowrx}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:16, 19 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:19, 19 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-19, 13:16 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-34951-18}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:11, 19 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:22, 19 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-19, 22:55 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-34935-01}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:21, 19 November 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:48, 20 November 2025 (UTC) — account blocked for one year, created pages deleted.
== New report 2025-11-21, 12:27 ==

* {{Vandal|Kingasterisk technologies}}

Spam-only account. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:09, 21 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-21, 13:09 ==

* {{Vandal|GaniGashi11}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Gani_Gashi_piktori]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Gani_Gashi_piktor]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Gani_Gashi_13]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Gani_Gashi_1944]]. Please see: [[:w:en:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Gani Gashi piktor]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:44, 21 November 2025 (UTC)

:Subject: Strong Objection to Deletion – Gani Gashi Wikiquote Page
:Dear editors,
:I am writing to formally object to the proposed deletion of the Wikiquote entry for Gani Gashi, as the page clearly meets the core inclusion standards and contains verifiable, encyclopedic, and culturally relevant material.
:1. Notability and Encyclopedic Value
:Gani Gashi is a recognized contemporary painter whose work has been exhibited, published, and cited in multiple independent sources. His artistic contributions, style, and public presence are documented through reliable coverage in media, exhibitions, catalogues, and scholarly discussions. This satisfies Wikiquote’s and Wikipedia’s general notability guidelines.
:2. Published, Verifiable Quotations
:The quotations included on the page are:
:Published
:Verifiable
:Directly attributed
:Relevant to his artistic philosophy and public contributions
:This aligns precisely with Wikiquote’s purpose: to archive significant quotations from notable individuals whose work impacts culture, art, and public discourse.
:3. Cultural and Artistic Significance
:It is important to recognize that not all volunteers are familiar with regional art history or Balkan contemporary art. However, lack of personal familiarity with an artist cannot serve as grounds for deletion when reliable sources, verifiable quotations, and clear notability exist. Cultural representation on Wikiquote must remain broad and inclusive, not limited only to globally mainstream figures.
:4. No Policy-Based Reason for Deletion
:After reviewing the deletion rationale, I find:
:No concrete policy violation
:No issue with verifiability
:No issue with sourcing
:No copyright concern
:No demonstration that the subject is non-notable
:A deletion without a policy-based justification would go against Wikiquote’s mission of preserving notable cultural contributions.
:5. Request for Fair Review
:I respectfully request:
:A policy-based explanation if deletion continues to be considered
:A fair and neutral review of the sources and quotations
:That the page remain available, as it demonstrably meets inclusion criteria
:Unless clear and specific violations are identified, there is no valid reason under Wikiquote policy for the page to be deleted.
:Thank you for your time, neutrality, and commitment to maintaining a diverse and representative project.
:Kind regards,
:Sadete [[User:GaniGashi11|GaniGashi11]] ([[User talk:GaniGashi11|talk]]) 14:00, 21 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-21, 14:42 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-35203-22}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:54, 21 November 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked temporarily, but will keep an eye out for further issues. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:46, 21 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-22, 12:00 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-35534-39}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:26, 22 November 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked and created pages deleted. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 19:40, 22 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-22, 21:33 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-35574-75}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 21:33, 22 November 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 21:51, 22 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-23, 11:43 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-35324-70}}

Vandalism-only account. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:43, 23 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:04, 23 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-23, 12:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-35620-26}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:59, 23 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:04, 23 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-24, 05:10 ==

* {{Vandal|ScoreProTips2025}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:55, 24 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 10:16, 24 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-24, 12:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Tsconect}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:06, 24 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-27, 08:58 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-36599-65}}

Vandalism. [[User:MasashiInoue|MasashiInoue]] ([[User talk:MasashiInoue|talk]]) 09:01, 27 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-28, 13:15 ==

* {{Vandal|VaughnAWamsley}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:19, 28 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-28 14:00 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-36976-34}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 13:59, 28 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-28 23:34 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-37162-45}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 23:34, 28 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-29, 12:54 ==

* {{Vandal|Bravobuilt35}}
* {{Vandal|68658ghgg}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:55, 29 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-1, 12:52 ==

* {{Vandal|Thapegador}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:13, 1 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 14:08, 1 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-2, 14:15 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-38000-68}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 14:14, 2 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:07, 2 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-2, 23:46 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-35880-43}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 23:46, 2 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} for 2 weeks. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:23, 3 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-4, 12:38 ==

* {{Vandal|LinaHayes25}}
* {{Vandal|Junohayes}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 4 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-5, 13:03 ==

* {{Vandal|Matildasmit}}

Cross-wiki link spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:04, 5 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 18:23, 6 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-5, 13:04 ==

* {{Vandal|Beautifulmindhealth}}

Spam/advertising-only account. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:05, 5 December 2025 (UTC)
: '''Non-admin comment''': blocked indefinitely by UDScott. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 18:22, 6 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-6, 09:31 ==

* {{Vandal|Maiqueiizz}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:44, 6 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 18:25, 6 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-7, 03:11 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-36599-65}}

Vandalism. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 03:12, 7 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:40, 7 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-7, 19:30 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-39184-02}}

Vandalism. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 19:30, 7 December 2025 (UTC)

:Blocked indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 20:19, 7 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-8, 00:03 ==

* {{Vandal|M7 better, Hiyuune bad}}

LTA. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 00:04, 8 December 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 01:13, 8 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-8, 00:04 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-39065-25}}

Vandalism. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 00:05, 8 December 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 01:14, 8 December 2025 (UTC)
::{{replyto|Kalki}} Thanks very much for dealing with that vandalism. Could you (or any other admin who sees this) please block the underlying IP (which you can see as an admin and I can see as a temporary account IP viewer)? The underlying IP has several temporary accounts associated with it and has been blocked previously before the introduction of temporary accounts. Thanks! [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 04:35, 8 December 2025 (UTC)
:::{{Done|Blocked}} for 3 months. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 06:19, 8 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-14, 03:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Johnteyeministry}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:43, 14 December 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked and spam pages deleted. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 06:06, 14 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-14, 16:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-40578-15}}

Repeatedly inserted nonsense at [[The Simpsons]]. [[User:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color: #c56030&quot;&gt;lp0&amp;nbsp;on&amp;nbsp;fire&lt;/span&gt;]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color: #64cea0&quot;&gt;()&lt;/span&gt;]] 16:55, 14 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} for 2 weeks. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 17:09, 14 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-15, 12:18 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-27022-09}}
vandalism, e.g. at [[Frozen (2013 film)]] or [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4]] [[User:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color: #c56030&quot;&gt;lp0&amp;nbsp;on&amp;nbsp;fire&lt;/span&gt;]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color: #64cea0&quot;&gt;()&lt;/span&gt;]] 12:38, 15 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:07, 15 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-15, 20:09 ==

* {{Vandal|Higashizakura vs Ternera, Ternera Best}}

LTA 404. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 20:09, 15 December 2025 (UTC)
: Globally locked by Bsadowski1. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 20:15, 15 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-16, 12:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Supertech123}}

Cross-wiki link spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:46, 16 December 2025 (UTC)

:Globally locked. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 03:35, 17 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-18, 11:16 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-41607-99}}

Vandalism. [[User:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color: #c56030&quot;&gt;lp0&amp;nbsp;on&amp;nbsp;fire&lt;/span&gt;]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color: #64cea0&quot;&gt;()&lt;/span&gt;]] 12:02, 18 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 12:54, 18 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-18, 12:02 ==

* {{Vandal|Trends87}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:54, 18 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 12:55, 18 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-18 17:32 ==

* {{Vandal|Mosdaliodf}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 17:31, 18 December 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 16:15, 19 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-19, 13:06 ==

* {{Vandal|Pirazhppouyaa}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:06, 19 December 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 16:16, 19 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-14, 16:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-40578-15}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 16:54, 14 December 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}} by Saroj. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 23:13, 20 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-15, 20:04 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-40913-54}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 20:04, 15 December 2025 (UTC)
: This is stale, please re-report if they continue vandalizing. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 23:13, 20 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-19, 13:06 ==

* {{Vandal|HitoryCloud}}

spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:11, 19 December 2025 (UTC)
: {{done|Page deleted}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 23:12, 20 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-20, 23:10 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-41906-72}}

Talk page nonsense. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 23:10, 20 December 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 23:12, 20 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-24, 12:57 ==

* {{Vandal|0prestogroup}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:57, 24 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:40, 24 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-24, 12:57 ==

* {{Vandal|0sipconinstrument}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:01, 24 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:40, 24 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-28, 10:48 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-43194-97}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:12, 28 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by global sysop. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 11:19, 28 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-29, 22:47 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-43806-18}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 22:47, 29 December 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 23:34, 29 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-1, 12:47 ==

* {{Vandal|Jeff32144}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:09, 1 January 2026 (UTC)
: Blocked by UDScott. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 21:28, 1 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-1, 13:09 ==

* {{Vandal|Jeck321}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:16, 1 January 2026 (UTC)
: Blocked by UDScott. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 21:29, 1 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-3, 08:35 ==

* {{Vandal|Stephen Ho 7}}

Vandalism, [[Special:Log/Stephen_Ho_7]], [[Special:Contributions/~2026-17814]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:37, 3 January 2026 (UTC)

:Blocked by Kalki. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:04, 4 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-4, 04:46 ==

* {{Vandal|TidesAreRisin}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/The_Doors_Jim_Morrison_Jr]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Jim_Morrison_II]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:48, 4 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:07, 4 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-6, 22:31 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-12186-1}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:32, 6 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:54, 6 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-7, 17:27 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-14142-0}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 17:26, 7 January 2026 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 17:51, 7 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-9, 12:10 ==

* {{Vandal|Gylawetudenipl12}}

Long-term abuse. Cross-wiki Spam. [[Special:CentralAuth/AmitMeena0000]], [[Special:Contributions/Babaf95832]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:01, 9 January 2026 (UTC)

:Globally locked. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:49, 11 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-10, 21:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-14254-3}}

Every change they had made to WQ has been rolled back. They are all vandalism. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 22:10, 10 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:48, 11 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-11, 02:38 ==

* {{Vandal|Bsndjfjsnskrty}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Amitmeena7777]], Recreated [[Aman Meena]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:36, 11 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:48, 11 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-11, 05:49 ==

* {{Vandal|Sjjdiftjeuewwuwddd}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Amitmeena7777]], created [[Technical 01]] used by [[Aman Meena]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:38, 11 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 08:03, 11 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-12, 01:02 ==

* {{Vandal|Tahbibmahmud}}

Long-term abuse. [[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Bet365aminul]], Recreated [[Ariyan Mehedi]], [[:w:en:Ariyan Mehedi]], [[:w:simple:Ariyan Mehedi]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:38, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:41, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-12, 07:31 ==

* {{Vandal|Hdapatna345}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:32, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 08:05, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-12, 07:54 ==

* {{Vandal|Katerichards1607}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:54, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 08:04, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-12, 08:05 ==

* {{Vandal|Ytgb5}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Laxmi_Narayan_Maharana]]. Created [[Laxmi Narayan Maharana]], [[:w:en:Laxmi Narayan Maharana]], [[:w:simple:Laxmi Narayan Maharana]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:43, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:08, 12 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-12, 21:47 ==

* {{Vandal|Moonschein07}}

Clearly only here to vandalize and not to build. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 21:48, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} by global sysop SHB2000. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 01:13, 13 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-13, 17:14 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-27365-4}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 17:14, 13 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} by Codename Noreste. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 17:36, 13 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-14, 20:47 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-30429-2}}
* {{Vandal|~2026-30143-3}}

LTA. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 20:47, 14 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 21:25, 14 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-15, 12:56 ==

* {{Vandal|Vinkion}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Blirth]], [[Special:CentralAuth/AyanJohn]], [[Special:CentralAuth/SaifFullah]], Recreated [[Umar Jaum]], [[:w:en:Umar Jaum]], [[:w:simple:Umar Jaum]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:57, 15 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:05, 15 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-15, 13:05 ==

* {{Vandal|Zenithsttudyabroad}}

spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:03, 15 January 2026 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:57, 15 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-17, 03:39 ==

* {{Vandal|Sccdggvdvkkrjjerfbvdcd}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Sjjdiftjeuewwuwddd]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:52, 17 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:09, 17 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-17, 05:09 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-35659-4}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:59, 17 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 06:46, 17 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-18, 11:12 ==

* {{Vandal|Btbthhwvefjgtktjheeh}}

Spam, [[Special:Contributions/Sjjdiftjeuewwuwddd]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:13, 18 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 11:38, 18 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-18, 21:03 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-38539-8}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 21:03, 18 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done|Blocked}} by Tanbiruzzaman. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 22:37, 18 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-23, 12:50 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-50327-5}}
* {{Vandal|~2026-50881-1}}
* {{Vandal|PbFwun}}

Long-term abuse, created page [[Realjjfrosh]] ([[:w:en:Realjjfrosh]], [[:w:simple:Realjjfrosh]], [[:w:en:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Realjjfrosh]]) [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:30, 23 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done|Page deleted}}. If any of these accounts attempt to create the page again, a block will be possible. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 01:23, 24 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-23, 23:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Deas-Fafa}}

Vandalism; see the page history for [[KPop Demon Hunters]] and [[Family Guy]]. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 23:45, 23 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 01:20, 24 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-27, 12:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Leatherchapo1}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 27 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} by Saroj. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 13:16, 27 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-27, 22:53 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-54571-5}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 22:53, 28 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 23:59, 28 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-30, 13:56 ==

* [[Special:Redirect/logid/3644151]]
[[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:57, 30 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-30, 12:36 ==

* {{Vandal|Jontyx191}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:36, 30 January 2026 (UTC)

:Globally locked. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:57, 30 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-31, 11:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Constructxpert}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:45, 31 January 2026 (UTC)

:Globally locked. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:25, 31 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-31, 11:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Planit5}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:50, 31 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:27, 31 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-01, 21:46 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-71678-9}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 21:46, 1 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:34, 2 February 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-02-1, 22:38 ==

* {{IPvandal|2026-71678-9}}

Vandalism. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 23:02, 1 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:35, 2 February 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-02-01, 23:15 ==

* {{Vandal|ReggieRedPanda}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 23:15, 1 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} by Kalki. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:44, 2 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-10, 00:33 ==

* {{Vandal|Splendasofficial}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:15, 10 February 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 01:53, 10 February 2026 (UTC) blocked, deleted spam.
== New report 2026-02-11, 19:03 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-93068-5}}

Vandalism by replacing words with emojis, continued after warning. [[User:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#c56030;background:inherit;&quot;&gt;lp0&amp;nbsp;on&amp;nbsp;fire&lt;/span&gt;]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#64cea0;background:inherit&quot;&gt;()&lt;/span&gt;]] 19:04, 11 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 19:08, 11 February 2026 (UTC)
::@[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] For inof: The \64 range block expired yesterday.I have blocked the range again. [[User:WikiBayer|WikiBayer]] ([[User talk:WikiBayer|talk]]) 19:11, 11 February 2026 (UTC)
:::Thanks, WikiBayer. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 19:14, 11 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-13, 13:21 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-97201-6}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:22, 13 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} for 1 week. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:54, 13 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-14, 07:39 ==

* {{Vandal|Govariabletechai}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:39, 14 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 08:01, 14 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-15, 08:06 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2026-10157-68}}

Vandalism, [[Special:Contributions/~2026-97201-6]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:36, 15 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely; /64 range also blocked. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 10:00, 15 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-16, 16:27 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-10523-70}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 16:27, 16 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 17:34, 16 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-17, 18:03 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-10693-96}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 18:03, 17 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:05, 17 February 2026 (UTC)
::Thanks for handling this. I've also blocked the IP for 3 months, as it was the same user reported above. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 18:12, 17 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-20, 14:19 ==

* {{Vandal|Tanishalux}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:21, 20 February 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} - deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:30, 20 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-20, 14:03 ==

* {{Vandal|Digitalitstore}}

[[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:03, 20 February 2026 (UTC)
:{{Done}} (by someone else) - deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:27, 20 February 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-02-20, 14:03 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-11450-48}}

Vandalism, [[Special:Contributions/~2026-77860-7]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:19, 20 February 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} - deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:27, 20 February 2026 (UTC)
::I went ahead and blocked the underlying /24 range. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 16:05, 20 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-22, 09:23 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-11652-80}}

Please block the underlying /64 IP range of this user for several months (it's a /64 so only one device will be on it). It's long-term abuse from our resident extreme right-wing vandal (see [[Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard/Archive/041#2001:8003:DC14::/48: long-term abuse by antisemitic racist extreme right-wing vandal for six years]]). [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 10:26, 22 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:03, 22 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-22, 12:46 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-11769-06}}
* {{Vandal|HappyStephenUSA (Version 7)}}
Vandalism, Recreated [[Five Point Clientele]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:33, 22 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:38, 22 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-23, 11:35 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-11989-11}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:35, 23 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 17:20, 23 February 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-02-23, 12:14 ==

* {{Vandal|Apoorvkohli}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:52, 23 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 17:20, 23 February 2026 (UTC)


== New report 2026-02-24, 03:21 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-12130-66}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 03:21, 24 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:28, 24 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-26, 13:46 ==

* {{Vandal|Kiel Bednar}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:42, 26 February 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:44, 26 February 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-02-27, 02:07 ==

* {{Vandal|Sommers The Holy Knight}}

Long-term abuse (Zjholder/Reversi). [[User:NX3710|NX3710]] ([[User talk:NX3710|talk]]) 02:15, 27 February 2026 (UTC)

:Nevermind, user is globally locked now. [[User:NX3710|NX3710]] ([[User talk:NX3710|talk]]) 03:37, 27 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-2, 12:50 ==

* {{Vandal|Eutechrecruit}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:20, 2 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:30, 2 March 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-03-2, 13:20 ==

* {{Vandal|Sicsallc}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:21, 2 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:30, 2 March 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-03-2, 13:21 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-13367-78}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:23, 2 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:30, 2 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-3, 16:21 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-13772-04}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 16:21, 3 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. User blocked and article protected for three months. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 16:38, 3 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-5, 13:16 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-14175-37}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:20, 5 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:43, 5 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-5, 18:28 ==

* {{Vandal|Rsfsdfd}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 18:28, 5 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 18:58, 5 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-7, 06:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-14650-58}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:22, 7 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:31, 7 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-9, 15:14 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-15017-41}}

LTA. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 15:14, 9 March 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:24, 9 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-8, 08:39 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-14739-24}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:01, 8 March 2026 (UTC)

:Blocked globally by a steward. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 21:38, 10 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-13, 20:51 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-16223-35}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 20:51, 13 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 01:32, 14 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-18, 12:07 ==

* {{Vandal|Michealikwi}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Realjjfrosh]]. Recreated [[Realjjfrosh]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:47, 18 March 2026 (UTC)

:Already globally locked by Barras. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 13:54, 18 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-19, 11:28 ==

* {{Vandal|Akshaysharmaavs}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:28, 19 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:31, 19 March 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-03-19, 11:28 ==

* {{Vandal|IBlogFlare}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:30, 19 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} by UDScott. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:32, 19 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-20, 01:19 ==

* {{Vandal|Edwin Cole Lee ecll}}

Long-term abuse, [[Special:Contributions/Edwin_ColeLee987654]]. Recreated [[Edwin Cole Lee]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:14, 20 March 2026 (UTC)

:Account is globally locked. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 06:27, 20 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-21, 07:17 ==

* {{Vandal|AlMuqarramIndustry}}

[[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:18, 21 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:56, 21 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-23, 18:51 ==

* {{Vandal|韓英雄戴上蘋果手錶來攻打台灣}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 18:52, 23 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} by GreenMeansGo. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 22:01, 23 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-26 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-18366-74}} 

Epstein abuse. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 20:46, 26 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 00:24, 27 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-29, 12:33 ==

* {{Vandal|Hollandadvocaten01}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:33, 29 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 12:35, 29 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-31, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|Ali raza 41306}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:38, 31 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} by UDScott. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:48, 31 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-31, 12:48 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-14588-11}}

Temp address who has done some pretty suspecious edits: take [[Special:Diff/3906458|this]] edit on My Little Pony: Equestria Girls for one, with a scene that doesn't exist in the original (evident because of the swearing which isn't in the film proper). There's also [[Special:Diff/3922034|this]] edit on the Total Drama page featuring two deleted scenes which don't exist at all (and feature characters who AREN'T from Total Drama). [[Special:Diff/3472605|A similar edit]] was done a couple years back on the Total Drama Action page, featuring the same selection of characters (and whoever &quot;1Smash18&quot; is), so it's obvious this person is SoulEaterFan (some edit summaries insist that &quot;SoulEaterFan doesn't exist&quot;, but evidence suggests otherwise.  [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 13:24, 31 March 2026 (UTC)
: I blocked the underlying range. Thanks. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 04:02, 6 April 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-03-31, 13:24 ==

* {{Vandal|Petrowien}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:36, 31 March 2026 (UTC)
: Page deleted by GreenMeansGo. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 04:00, 6 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-6, 20:28 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-21266-04}}

A lot of vandalism especially on talk pages. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 21:03, 6 April 2026 (UTC)
: I've blocked them from the article and talk namespaces for a month. If needed, it can be expanded to a site-wide block. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 23:41, 6 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-13, 00:14 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-21744-59}}

IP address showing similar behavior to Evilasio da Paz (SoulEaterFan). Targeted two separate My Little Pony pages; [[Special:Diff/3927068|one such edit]] restored a number of quotes commonly added by SEF; [[Special:Diff/3926975|the other edit]] also added quotes commonly added by SEF. It also [[User talk:MilkyZap|accused a completely unrelated user of being SoulEaterFan]] even though the user it accused was only reverting the edit done by SoulEaterFan. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 00:19, 13 April 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 01:41, 13 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-13, 02:32 ==

* {{Vandal|MilkyZap}}

Sockpuppet of Evilasio da Paz/SoulEaterFan; confirmed through [[Special:Diff/3927612|this edit]] on the page documenting various socks and [[Special:Diff/3927604|this edit]] where it removed my report on ANOTHER SEF sock. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 02:34, 13 April 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 02:38, 13 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-6, 03:30 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-20174-32}}

Please block the underlying IP of this user for several months (there shouldn't be too much collateral damage from blocking that one IP, but there's a rangeblock on it on the English Wikipedia). It's long-term abuse from our resident extreme right-wing vandal (see [[Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard/Archive/041#2001:8003:DC14::/48: long-term abuse by antisemitic racist extreme right-wing vandal for six years]]). Thanks. [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 03:48, 6 April 2026 (UTC)
: I blocked the underlying range. If you need me to adjust the block or the range, email me. Thanks. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 03:59, 6 April 2026 (UTC)
:: CC @[[User:Graham87|Graham87]] to my response above. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:56, 16 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-24, 12:41 ==

* {{Vandal|Adetoro muiz4}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:42, 24 April 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 13:09, 24 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-24, 12:54 ==

* {{Vandal|Toni Tagiam}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:02, 24 April 2026 (UTC)
: {{done|Globally locked}} by MarcGarver until 2027-04-24. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 16:01, 24 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-24, 15:11 ==

* {{Vandal|Owolabi Habeeb ola}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 15:18, 24 April 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 16:44, 26 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-05-6, 12:31 ==

* {{Vandal|Sdfclothing}}

[[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:29, 6 May 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}, and their only article creation was speedily deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 15:32, 7 May 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-05-11, 10:39 ==

* {{Vandal|Taskraja}}
* {{Vandal|Marinas94}}
* {{Vandal|Travelaa}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 10:39, 11 May 2026 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:07, 11 May 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-05-12, 22:19 ==

* {{Vandal|Ragnir 29912}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 22:19, 12 May 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:26, 12 May 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-05-9, 04:16 ==

* {{Vandal|Hammond Johns}}

Userpage issues, removed CSD tag. [[w:WP:AB]] [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:17, 9 May 2026 (UTC)

:Sorry, I wasn't trying to vandalise anything. I was just trying to fix the issues you raised. I'm new at this. I'll just leave it now &amp; will accept any decision you make. [[User:Hammond Johns|Hammond Johns]] ([[User talk:Hammond Johns|talk]]) 05:19, 9 May 2026 (UTC)
:{{notdone}} User has been warned. [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 12:57, 14 May 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-05-17, 02:26 ==

* {{Vandal|Mozang555}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Jinnahpk]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Hipponz]]. Created page [[Akhter Aly Kureshy]] ([[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Akhtar Aly Kureshy]]) [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:30, 17 May 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:33, 17 May 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-05-19, 11:35 ==

* {{Vandal|Capitalskinspa25}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:27, 19 May 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}} by UDScott. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:50, 19 May 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-05-20, 14:06 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-30337-22}}

repeated vandalism, several temp accounts before on this article before already, so pls consider protecting the page. [[User:Icodense|Icodense]] ([[User talk:Icodense|talk]]) 14:07, 20 May 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 14:19, 20 May 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-05-22, 12:10 ==

* {{Vandal|Fav Jacket}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:43, 22 May 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:14, 22 May 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-05-25, 12:21 ==

* {{Vandal|Khandaker Ripon Bio}}
* {{Vandal|Ahmed Ripon 26}}
* {{Vandal|খন্দকার রিপন}}

Spam &amp; Abusing multiple accounts (Recreated [[Khandaker Ripon]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:23, 25 May 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 14:31, 25 May 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-05-29, 14:37 ==

* {{Vandal|Mpyfdh zsitrp}}

Long-term abuse. [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]] ([[Special:CentralAuth/Télévision_Française]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Would_build]]). Recreated [[Abdelnasser Abdelfattah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:39, 29 May 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-05-29, 14:39 ==

* {{Vandal|Need Reqer}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:40, 29 May 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-05-30, 10:28 ==

* {{Vandal|Alive5Official}}

[[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:08, 30 May 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:52, 30 May 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-2, 17:04 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-32675-17}}

Butchered the [[Spanish colonization of the Americas]] page, looks like vandalism.
. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 17:30, 2 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:28, 2 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|UNIX-QUANTUM-NETWORKS}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:41, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|Pathanbd69}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}, and the recent page was deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:44, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-3, 12:44 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-32979-36}}

cross-wiki abuse ([[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Truthfindervert]], Edit summary similarity + same target ([[Jat people]], [[:w:simple:Jats]], [[:w:Jats]])). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 17:48, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 ==

* {{Vandal|Profabdelfatah}}

Removed CSD tag at [[DGStory]] (no quotes), [[:w:WP:AB]] at [[Hussein Abdelfatah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 5 June 2026 (UTC)
: Globally locked by Alaa. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:01, 5 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 ==

* {{Vandal|Rap_Goddess0}}

Sole page created is obviously promotional content. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 03:19, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

:My page is not promotional please you can check my articles on wikidata, simple English Wikipedia and Yoruba Wikipedia. Thank [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:22, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:My other links am notable please:
:@[[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] [https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q137670288 My wikidata page] [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:23, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:I would also like to point out that every time I add the speedy delete notice, it gets removed and this person sends strange messages on my talk page (one of them suggests I get a job). [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 04:09, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 04:21, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-6, 12:51 ==

* {{Vandal|Northex Industries}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:51, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:26, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-8, 03:18 ==

* {{Vandal|Mehsi-tourism}}
* {{Vandal|~2026-33757-37}}

Abusing multiple accounts &amp; removed CSD tag at [[Mirza Halim Shah Dargah]] (no quotes). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:32, 8 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:53, 8 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-10, 11:19 ==

* {{Vandal|Mikhailsims}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:17, 10 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:06, 11 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-10, 12:17 ==

* {{Vandal|AnuraagRath}}

[[:w:WP:AB]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:24, 10 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 14:44, 11 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-11, 12:11 ==

* {{Vandal|Leminho567}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:28, 11 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 14:44, 11 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-13, 01:50 ==

* {{Vandal|PrincessAesthetic1831}}

cross-wiki abuse, [[:w:WP:AB]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:29, 13 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:53, 13 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-13, 02:29 ==

* {{Vandal|Galaxypublications}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:30, 13 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:54, 13 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-14, 02:21 ==

* {{Vandal|Daveenna43}}

Long-term abuse. Cross-wiki abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Vasas90]] (created page [[Thathanine Thongchay]], [[:w:simple:Thathanine Thongchay]], [https://simple.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Log&amp;logid=3359217]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:08, 14 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 06:20, 14 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-14, 08:27 ==

* {{Vandal|Martha.wilson9}}

Abusing multiple accounts ([[Special:Contributions/Mikhailsims]]) &amp; Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:33, 14 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 09:19, 14 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-14, 21:33 ==

* {{Vandal|Pragmaticwolf2026}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:18, 14 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 13:48, 15 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-15, 12:39 ==

* {{vandal|~2026-35173-92}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 12:39, 15 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. I also blocked the underlying /16 range as well. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 13:51, 15 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-16, 12:11 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-35094-88}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 16 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} - deleted. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:57, 16 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-16, 12:39 ==

* {{Vandal|ShaneWarne23}}

Spam, [[Special:CentralAuth/Astroma09]] ([https://spamcheck.toolforge.org/by-domain?q=astroma.co]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:44, 16 June 2026 (UTC)
: Globally locked by M7. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 15:37, 16 June 2026 (UTC)

== account Rferf as commercial vandal ==

* {{Vandal|User:Rferf}}

Sole contribution is nonsense with two links to some commercial Web site. [[User:Gramorama|Gramorama]] ([[User talk:Gramorama|talk]]) 05:26, 17 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{notdone}} {{ping| Gramorama}} User’s last edit was in 2021, a block is currently not needed. [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 07:17, 17 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-17, 13:17 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-35276-58}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:18, 17 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:21, 17 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-17, 13:18 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-35184-15}}

cross-wiki abuse ([[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Truthfindervert]], Edit summary similarity + same target ([[Jat people]], [[:w:simple:Jats]], [[:w:Jats]])). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:19, 17 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:25, 17 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-17, 12:32 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-35484-39}}

[[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Jinnifer]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:51, 17 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:06, 17 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-17, 12:51 ==

* {{Vandal|Yanaburns4}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:51, 17 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:07, 17 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-18, 12:13 ==

* {{Vandal|ISSRelocations}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:13, 18 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:20, 18 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-18, 12:15 ==

* {{Vandal|Galaxypublications}}
* {{Vandal|Galaxypublications01}}
Abusing multiple accounts &amp; Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:16, 18 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 13:32, 18 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-18, 22:17 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-35618-87}}

[[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Jinnifer]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:21, 18 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 10:34, 19 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-18, 22:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Bettyorlov26}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:17, 18 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} for 2 weeks. [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 10:35, 19 June 2026 (UTC)
:: Reblocked indefinitely, the user added a pornographic link to their user page. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 02:20, 20 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-20, 08:37 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-35829-17}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:38, 20 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:26, 20 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-20, 11:50 ==

* {{Vandal|Snow2190}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:48, 20 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}} by UDScott. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:25, 20 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-21, 02:26 ==

* {{Vandal|Yaroslavdunn}}
* {{Vandal|Mikhailwilson4}}
* {{Vandal|Justinbelikov51}}
* {{Vandal|Tatiana-payne50}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:26, 21 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 08:25, 21 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-23, 00:17 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-36109-50}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 00:17, 23 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 00:34, 23 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-22, 12:25 ==

* {{Vandal|Osinowomagnus}}

[[:w:WP:AB]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:26, 22 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 15:56, 24 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-24, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|Square Insurance Broker}}
* {{Vandal|Osinowomagnus}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 24 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:40, 24 June 2026 (UTC)
: Also done for the second account here. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 15:56, 24 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-27, 00:12 ==

* {{Vandal|Here comes ole flat top he come grooving up slowly, he got ju-ju eyeball}}

Long-term abuse. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 00:12, 27 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} Globally locked. [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 09:07, 28 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report ~2026-36886-43 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-36886-43}}

--[[User:Divinations|Divinations]] ([[User talk:Divinations|talk]]) 00:14, 27 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done|already done}} by Codename Noreste. [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 09:04, 28 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-08-28, 15:57 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-37252-29}}
* {{Vandal|~2026-37132-78}}
* {{Vandal|Idkdkdk}}
--[[User:Morkoz|Morkoz]] ([[User talk:Morkoz|talk]]) 15:57, 28 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done|All done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 16:47, 28 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-29, 11:21 ==

* {{Vandal|Vynce Digital}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:17, 29 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}} by UDScott. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:18, 29 June 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-06-29, 22:10 ==

* {{Vandal|Stepanboyd}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:40, 29 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 23:37, 29 June 2026 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>5a75c6ak3ptcu0t6etaee7l64d58heg</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Arthur (Season 18)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>294569</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963126</id>
      <parentid>3958134</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T16:19:35Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-38805-91</username>
        <id>3348697</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Staycation [18.6b] */</comment>
      <origin>3963126</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2460" sha1="ry1ctvfin2fwqk0cshbpligt5fuwyh6" xml:space="preserve">'''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Postcards from Buster]] / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] / [[Arthur (soundtrack)|Soundtracks]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]]
--------
===''The Friend Who Wasn't There'' [18.01a]===
===''Surprise!'' [18.01b]===
===''Boo!'' [18.01c]===
===''The Case of the Girl with the Long Face'' [18.02a]===
===''The Substitute Arthur'' [18.02b]===
===''The Tattletale Frog'' [18.03a]===
:'''David Lawrence Read (in bubble)''': D.W., you're a trouble!
:'''DW''': ???
===''D.W. &amp; Bud's Higher Purpose'' [18.03b]===
===''Best Wishes'' [18.04a]===
===''The Tardy Tumbler'' [18.04b]===
===''Fountain Abbey'' [18.05a]===
===''Arthur Calls It'' [18.05b]===
===''Whip. Mix. Blend.'' [18.6a]===
===''Staycation'' [18.6b]===
:'''Arthur''': Wait! You didn't want them to go on vacation and now you're sad they can't?
:'''D.W.''': Yeah. Didn't you see Mom's face? I thought she was going to cry. ''(A thought bubble with Mrs. Read appears.)''
:'''Mrs. Read (in bubble)''': ''(cries)''
:''(The bubble disappears. A swarm of birds flies past the window.)''
:'''Mr. Read''': ''[off-screen]'' DW, that's not nice to Jane is sad!
:'''D.W.''': I guess parents really do need a break sometimes - especially from you.
:'''Arthur''': I wonder if there's some way we could fix this?

===''Two Minutes'' [18.07a]===
===''Messy Dress Mess'' [18.07b]===
:'''Ladonna''': ''[Random]'' AHHHHHHH! ''[?]'' Get away!
:'''Bud''': I'm sorry!
:'''Ladonna''': You're filthy!
:'''Bud''': [[Toy Story 3|It was hippy's fault!!!]]

===''Arthur Read: Super Saver'' [18.08a]===
===''Tibbles to the Rescue'' [18.08b]===
===''The Pageant Pickle'' [18.09a]===
===''Some Assembly Required'' [18.09b]===
===''Shelter from the Storm'' [18.10]===

[[Category:Television show seasons]]</text>
      <sha1>ry1ctvfin2fwqk0cshbpligt5fuwyh6</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Arthur (Season 15)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>294573</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963122</id>
      <parentid>3955993</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T16:15:20Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-38805-91</username>
        <id>3348697</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3963122</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1969" sha1="i6wt1vccjzy7dz8pg6xw1l4ddfm9sdb" xml:space="preserve">'''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Postcards from Buster]] / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] / [[Arthur (soundtrack)|Soundtracks]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]]
--------
===''Fifteen'' [15.01]===
===''I Wanna Hold Your Hand'' [15.02a]===
===''Whistling in the Wind'' [15.02b]===
===''Buster's Secret Admirer'' [15.03a]===
===''The Last King of Lambland'' [15.03b]===
===''Cents-less'' [15.04a]===
===''Buster the Lounge Lizard'' [15.04b]===
===''To Eat or Not to Eat'' [15.05a]===
===''S.W.E.A.T.'' [15.05b]===
===''Grandpa Dave's Memory Album'' [15.06a]===
===''Buster's Carpool Catastrophe'' [15.06b]===
===''Prunella the Packrat'' [15.07a]===
===''What's in a Name?'' [15.07b]===
===''Muffy's Classy Classics Club'' [15.08a]===
===''Best Enemies'' [15.08b]===
Random

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[extended scene]''
:'''WD Merkle''': Let's sing a song. ''[sings &quot;ABC Song&quot; while playing the guitar]''
:'''Muffy Crosswire''': What did you favorite song, WD?
:'''Francine Frensky''': Keep singing, WD.
:'''Molly MacDonald''': Oh, no! There's WD Merkle's here!

===''Buster's Garden of Grief'' [15.09a]===
===''Through the Looking Glasses'' [15.09b]===
===''The Butler Did... What?'' [15.10a]===
===''The Trouble With Trophies'' [15.10b]===

[[Category:Television show seasons]]</text>
      <sha1>i6wt1vccjzy7dz8pg6xw1l4ddfm9sdb</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963124</id>
      <parentid>3963122</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T16:16:48Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-38805-91</username>
        <id>3348697</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Through the Looking Glasses [15.09b] */</comment>
      <origin>3963124</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1997" sha1="mu4tovw38kncliyxhg5nnmawby5uwuv" xml:space="preserve">'''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Postcards from Buster]] / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] / [[Arthur (soundtrack)|Soundtracks]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]]
--------
===''Fifteen'' [15.01]===
===''I Wanna Hold Your Hand'' [15.02a]===
===''Whistling in the Wind'' [15.02b]===
===''Buster's Secret Admirer'' [15.03a]===
===''The Last King of Lambland'' [15.03b]===
===''Cents-less'' [15.04a]===
===''Buster the Lounge Lizard'' [15.04b]===
===''To Eat or Not to Eat'' [15.05a]===
===''S.W.E.A.T.'' [15.05b]===
===''Grandpa Dave's Memory Album'' [15.06a]===
===''Buster's Carpool Catastrophe'' [15.06b]===
===''Prunella the Packrat'' [15.07a]===
===''What's in a Name?'' [15.07b]===
===''Muffy's Classy Classics Club'' [15.08a]===
===''Best Enemies'' [15.08b]===
Random

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[extended scene]''
:'''WD Merkle''': Let's sing a song. ''[sings &quot;ABC Song&quot; while playing the guitar]''
:'''Muffy Crosswire''': What did you favorite song, WD?
:'''Francine Frensky''': Keep singing, WD.
:'''Molly MacDonald''': Oh, no! There's WD Merkle's here!

===''Buster's Garden of Grief'' [15.09a]===
===''Through the Looking Glasses'' [15.09b]===
===''Oh, No!'' [15.09c]===

===''The Butler Did... What?'' [15.10a]===
===''The Trouble With Trophies'' [15.10b]===

[[Category:Television show seasons]]</text>
      <sha1>mu4tovw38kncliyxhg5nnmawby5uwuv</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Marvel Zombies (TV series)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>296212</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963204</id>
      <parentid>3941180</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:47:23Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Iago PUC</username>
        <id>2458636</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>Iago PUC moved page [[Marvel Zombies (miniseries)]] to [[Marvel Zombies (TV series)]]: Because we know a second season is coming...</comment>
      <origin>3941180</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="10724" sha1="pvsrwr1he48aez1k8ymugmikw54a78v" xml:space="preserve">'''''[[w:Marvel Zombies (miniseries)|Marvel Zombies]]''''' is a 2025 adult animated television miniseries created by Bryan Andrews and Zeb Wells for the streaming service [[w:Disney+|Disney+]], based on the Marvel Comics series of the same name. It is intended to be the 16th television series in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) from Marvel Studios and is produced by Marvel Studios Animation. The series is set in the alternate timeline introduced in the &quot;[[w:What If... Zombies?!|What If... Zombies?!]]&quot; (2021) episode of the animated series [[What If...?|''What If...?'']] (2021–2024). Continuing from that episode, ''Marvel Zombies'' follows a group of survivors as they risk their lives fighting superpowered zombies to save the world. Andrews served as showrunner and director, with Wells as head writer.

''Marvel Zombies'' was released on Disney+ on September 24, 2025, and consists of four episodes. It is a part of Phase Six of the MCU. A continuation to the series is in development.

{{Stub}}
==Episodes==
===Episode 1===
''[episode begins with Kate Bishop shooting a zombie in the head with her arrow before she, Riri Williams, Kamala Khan and F.R.I.D.A.Y. (operating in the body of Zombie Tony Stark with the head of a teddy bear) walk around the now deserted New York City]''
:'''Riri Williams''': Anybody else concerned about the lack of zombies here?
:'''Kate Bishop''': Eh. Predators tend to move on when the food does.
:'''Kamala Khan''': ''[in an abandoned supermarket, she finds a can of tomato soup]'' Awesome. ''[whispers to Kate and Riri]'' Look what I found.
''[suddenly, they hear an engine rumbling, and spot a Quinjet passing by the city]''
:'''Kate Bishop''': Whoa! Was that a...
:'''All''': ''[unison]'' Quinjet?
:'''Riri Williams''': Model 36 XT.
:'''Kate Bishop''': God, you’re good.
:'''Kamala Khan''': ''[chuckles]''
:'''Riri Williams''': Come on. We’re going after it.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Could there be survivors?
:'''Riri Williams''': Probably not. But that bird has got to be full of gear.

----
:'''Kate Bishop''': ''(with the trick arrow she took from Hawkeye)'' Let's see what this baby’s got. ''(shoots the arrow at Zombie Captain Marvel, but the arrow is revealed to be a confetti arrow)'' Shit.
''(she is soon vaporized by Captain Marvel's energy beams)''

----
''[Melina is checking on the transmitter device Kamala brought]''
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': Hmm, the device emits an encrypted subspace frequency specifically designed to contact an intergalactic authority called the Nova Corps.
:'''Kamala Khan''': ''[sighs]'' So Riri was right.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Why call space people?
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': S.H.I.E.L.D. believed they have the technology to heal our world.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Great. Turn it on. Let’s save the world.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Uh, yes. Yes. Good… good ideas.
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': We can’t. Fallout from the Wakanda events scatter signals in our atmosphere. No radio waves get out or make it in. The broadcast would have to be from outside our atmosphere.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Um, what, like space?
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': Exactly. That was the plan. But just before deployment could happen, their base was overrun by a zombie horde. They must have miniaturized it with Pym Particles to smuggle it out.
:'''Yelena Belova''': They must have been desperate.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Yep. Desperate enough to swallow it afterwards.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Ugh. How do you know that?
:'''Kamala Khan''': Uh, just trust me. ''[Alexei groans]'' Look, what’s important is that Kate and Riri were right, and this device could change everything.
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': If we get it outside the atmosphere.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Outer space. Ohho. That should be easy. I’ll just build this girl and her strange friend a rocket. Hmm? This is ridiculous. Maybe Khonshu man can take it to space. Can you go to space, Khonshu man?
:'''Blade''': Shh. Quiet. They have found us.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': What? ''[alarm blares]'' Who found us?
:'''Blade''': The zombie horde.
''[Melina checks on the security cameras, which showcase Zombie Okoye]''
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Hmm, it’s just one person. There’s no horde. You call one zombie a horde?
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': No, it’s the red eyes I am noticing.
:'''Yelena Belova''': Hmm. Is she with you?
:'''Blade''': She is a scion of the Queen.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': What queen?
:'''Blade''': The Queen of the Dead. Wanda Maximoff.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Uh… The… The Avenger?
''[cut to Zombie Okoye outside]''
:'''Zombie Okoye''': What we seek is here.
''[zombified Abomination, Ghost, Hawkeye and a half-bodied Captain America appear]''
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': ''(seeing Zombie Captain America; excited)'' Captain America. Finally, the battle they will sing about for ages.
''[more zombies appear]''
:'''Yelena Belova''': Hey, Daddy, look, there’s the horde.
:'''Kamala Khan''': I think ''(referring to the transmitter)'' this is what they want.

===Episode 2===
''(Shang Chi has the Ten Rings, and he and some of the survivors are evacuated from San Francisco)''
:'''Denise''': So? What do we do now?
:'''Shang-Chi''': We survive.
----
:'''Helmut Zemo''': I look at you... and I see your journeys etched in your faces. The hardships you've endured. You've sacrificed so much. Let us honor the ones we have lost. The ones we wish could have joined us. They are still with us, though they are not here. We will not forget them, no matter how far we travel. We honor them as we take safety in the ocean depths.
----
:'''Zombie Okoye''': They think themselves safe. No one is safe.

===Episode 3===
''(in a flashback, the cliffhanger of '''[[What If...?]]''' episode &quot;What If... Zombies?!&quot; (featuring Peter Parker, Scott Lang, and T'Challa arriving in Wakanda, only to be confronted by Zombie Thanos) is revealed)''
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[narrating]'' I want to tell you the story of how we fixed everything. How we used the Mind Stone and Wakandan tech to cure every zombie on the planet. But I can’t. Because it’s not what happened. Something was waiting for us. Something that we had been warned about. Thanos. He wanted the Mind Stone. But after T’Challa saw what he was doing to Wakanda, he wasn’t in a giving mood. Thanos had unimaginable power, but his infected brain couldn’t focus it. T’Challa saw it before we did. Zombie Thanos was learning. It wouldn’t be long before he was… ''unstoppable''. Things were looking bad. I mean, we were outnumbered. And then we weren’t. You see, Thor, he had a score to settle. But that’s not the story, either. It all seemed hopeless. Thanos turned the Golden City inside out, exposing the molten vibranium in its reactor’s core. I heard T’Challa say “Wakanda forever,” quietly, like… Like he knew that it was the last time. T’Challa saved the universe. Every single one of us.
----
''(after Valkyrie threatens the survivors with death unless they leave, Blade evokes his pantheon, Khonshu)''
:'''Khonshu''': I am the Moon God, Khonshu. Has the world changed so much that the Asgardians no longer recognize my deity?
:'''Valkyrie''': Khonshu… ''[laughing]'' My God! You little bird head bastard! How you been, man? ''(cut to the survivors, who are unable to see Khonshu; distant voice)'' I haven’t seen you in so long…
''(as Valkyrie speaks, we hear the other survivors)''
:'''Katy''': ''(confused)'' Uh… Sorry. Who is she talking to?
:'''Jimmy Woo''': I have no idea.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Maybe his imaginary friend is real?
:'''Shang-Chi''': Yeah, I mean, at this point, why not?
:'''Helmut Zemo''': ''[sighs]'' I miss my boat.

===Episode 4===
''(Kamala is remembering her fallen friends and allies, as a tear slides in her face. She is approached by Shang-Chi)''
:'''Shang-Chi''': You freaking out, too?
:'''Kamala Khan''': I’m not scared. It’s something else.
:'''Shang-Chi''': Talk to me.
:'''Kamala Khan''': I asked all of you to follow me, to give up everything on the chance we could fix things. And I was wrong. It was all for nothing. Wanda said she needs me. What if she wants me to go to Paris?
:'''Shang-Chi''': You’re right. We can’t know for sure, but we have to hold on to hope. I mean, you saw Thor drinking his life away in defeat, regret in his eyes. But in the end, what he really wanted was one last chance to fight. And you gave that to him. You gave that to all of us. I’ll always be grateful to you for that. And if we have one more, I’m gonna take it.
:'''Kamala Khan''': You sure?
:'''Shang-Chi''': Hey, we have to win one of these eventually, don’t we? Also, am I crazy or did Thor kind of make you an Avenger back there? ''[Kamala then hugs him]'' Oh. ''[chuckles]'' That’s a hug.
:'''Kamala Khan''': ''[sighs]'' Thank you.
:'''Shang-Chi''': All right, pal. Come on. Enough sittin’ around. We’ve got a world to save.

==Cast and characters==
* [[w:Iman Vellani|Iman Vellani]] as Kamala Khan
* [[w:Dominique Thorne|Dominique Thorne]] as Riri Williams
* [[Hailee Steinfeld]] as Kate Bishop
* [[w:Kerry Condon|Kerry Condon]] as F.R.I.D.A.Y.
* [[w:Kenna Ramsey|Kenna Ramsey]] as Okoye
* [[w:Todd Williams|Todd Williams]] as Eric Brooks / Blade Knight
* [[w:Kari Wahlgren|Kari Wahlgren]] as Melina Vostokoff
* [[Florence Pugh]] as Yelena Belova
* [[David Harbour]] as Alexei Shostakov / Red Guardian
* [[Simu Liu]] as Xu Shang-Chi
* [[Awkwafina]] as Katy Chen
* [[Randall Park]] as Jimmy Woo
* [[w:Feodor Chin|Feodor Chin]] as Xu Wenwu
* [[w:Wyatt Russell|Wyatt Russell]] as John Walker
* Rama Vallury as Helmut Zemo
* [[Elizabeth Olsen]] as Wanda Maximoff / Red Queen / Queen of the Dead
* [[w:Hudson Thames|Hudson Thames]] as Peter Parker / Spider-Man
* [[Paul Rudd]] as Scott Lang / Ant-Man
* Greg Furman as Thor
* Adam Hugill as Rintrah
* Daniel Swain as London Master
* Sheila Atim as Sara
* [[Tessa Thompson]] as Valkyrie
* [[w:F. Murray Abraham|F. Murray Abraham]] and Piotr Michael as Khonshu
* Zenobia Shroff as Muneeba Khan

===Recurring===
*Isaac Robinson-Smith as Rick
*Debra Wilson as Denise
*Alison Haislip as Sandra

===Additional voices===
* Dave Boat
* Terri Douglas
* Robin Atkin Downes
* Matthew Yang King
* Piotr Michael
* Andrew Morgado
* Ashley Peldon
* Michael Ralph
* Fred Tatasciore
* Mike Vaughn
* Matthew Wood

==See also==
*[[What If...?|''What If...?'']]

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Marvel Cinematic Universe}}
[[Category:American adult animated horror TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated TV spin-offs]]
[[Category:Disney+ shows]]
[[Category:Marvel Cinematic Universe TV series]]
[[Category:Miniseries]]
[[Category:Zombie TV shows]]</text>
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      <id>3963206</id>
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        <id>2458636</id>
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      <text bytes="10707" sha1="lh8ssh5fgybu6rnirdoygfu49ogckqv" xml:space="preserve">'''''[[w:Marvel Zombies (miniseries)|Marvel Zombies]]''''' is a 2025 adult animated television series created by Bryan Andrews and Zeb Wells for the streaming service [[w:Disney+|Disney+]], based on the Marvel Comics series of the same name. It is intended to be the 16th television series in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) from Marvel Studios and is produced by Marvel Studios Animation. The series is set in the alternate timeline introduced in the &quot;[[w:What If... Zombies?!|What If... Zombies?!]]&quot; (2021) episode of the animated series [[What If...?|''What If...?'']] (2021–2024). Continuing from that episode, ''Marvel Zombies'' follows a group of survivors as they risk their lives fighting superpowered zombies to save the world. Andrews served as showrunner and director, with Wells as head writer.

''Marvel Zombies'' was released on Disney+ on September 24, 2025, and consists of four episodes. It is a part of Phase Six of the MCU. A second season is in development.

{{Stub}}
==Season 1==
===Episode 1===
''[episode begins with Kate Bishop shooting a zombie in the head with her arrow before she, Riri Williams, Kamala Khan and F.R.I.D.A.Y. (operating in the body of Zombie Tony Stark with the head of a teddy bear) walk around the now deserted New York City]''
:'''Riri Williams''': Anybody else concerned about the lack of zombies here?
:'''Kate Bishop''': Eh. Predators tend to move on when the food does.
:'''Kamala Khan''': ''[in an abandoned supermarket, she finds a can of tomato soup]'' Awesome. ''[whispers to Kate and Riri]'' Look what I found.
''[suddenly, they hear an engine rumbling, and spot a Quinjet passing by the city]''
:'''Kate Bishop''': Whoa! Was that a...
:'''All''': ''[unison]'' Quinjet?
:'''Riri Williams''': Model 36 XT.
:'''Kate Bishop''': God, you’re good.
:'''Kamala Khan''': ''[chuckles]''
:'''Riri Williams''': Come on. We’re going after it.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Could there be survivors?
:'''Riri Williams''': Probably not. But that bird has got to be full of gear.

----
:'''Kate Bishop''': ''(with the trick arrow she took from Hawkeye)'' Let's see what this baby’s got. ''(shoots the arrow at Zombie Captain Marvel, but the arrow is revealed to be a confetti arrow)'' Shit.
''(she is soon vaporized by Captain Marvel's energy beams)''

----
''[Melina is checking on the transmitter device Kamala brought]''
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': Hmm, the device emits an encrypted subspace frequency specifically designed to contact an intergalactic authority called the Nova Corps.
:'''Kamala Khan''': ''[sighs]'' So Riri was right.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Why call space people?
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': S.H.I.E.L.D. believed they have the technology to heal our world.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Great. Turn it on. Let’s save the world.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Uh, yes. Yes. Good… good ideas.
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': We can’t. Fallout from the Wakanda events scatter signals in our atmosphere. No radio waves get out or make it in. The broadcast would have to be from outside our atmosphere.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Um, what, like space?
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': Exactly. That was the plan. But just before deployment could happen, their base was overrun by a zombie horde. They must have miniaturized it with Pym Particles to smuggle it out.
:'''Yelena Belova''': They must have been desperate.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Yep. Desperate enough to swallow it afterwards.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Ugh. How do you know that?
:'''Kamala Khan''': Uh, just trust me. ''[Alexei groans]'' Look, what’s important is that Kate and Riri were right, and this device could change everything.
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': If we get it outside the atmosphere.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Outer space. Ohho. That should be easy. I’ll just build this girl and her strange friend a rocket. Hmm? This is ridiculous. Maybe Khonshu man can take it to space. Can you go to space, Khonshu man?
:'''Blade''': Shh. Quiet. They have found us.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': What? ''[alarm blares]'' Who found us?
:'''Blade''': The zombie horde.
''[Melina checks on the security cameras, which showcase Zombie Okoye]''
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Hmm, it’s just one person. There’s no horde. You call one zombie a horde?
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': No, it’s the red eyes I am noticing.
:'''Yelena Belova''': Hmm. Is she with you?
:'''Blade''': She is a scion of the Queen.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': What queen?
:'''Blade''': The Queen of the Dead. Wanda Maximoff.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Uh… The… The Avenger?
''[cut to Zombie Okoye outside]''
:'''Zombie Okoye''': What we seek is here.
''[zombified Abomination, Ghost, Hawkeye and a half-bodied Captain America appear]''
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': ''(seeing Zombie Captain America; excited)'' Captain America. Finally, the battle they will sing about for ages.
''[more zombies appear]''
:'''Yelena Belova''': Hey, Daddy, look, there’s the horde.
:'''Kamala Khan''': I think ''(referring to the transmitter)'' this is what they want.

===Episode 2===
''(Shang Chi has the Ten Rings, and he and some of the survivors are evacuated from San Francisco)''
:'''Denise''': So? What do we do now?
:'''Shang-Chi''': We survive.
----
:'''Helmut Zemo''': I look at you... and I see your journeys etched in your faces. The hardships you've endured. You've sacrificed so much. Let us honor the ones we have lost. The ones we wish could have joined us. They are still with us, though they are not here. We will not forget them, no matter how far we travel. We honor them as we take safety in the ocean depths.
----
:'''Zombie Okoye''': They think themselves safe. No one is safe.

===Episode 3===
''(in a flashback, the cliffhanger of '''[[What If...?]]''' episode &quot;What If... Zombies?!&quot; (featuring Peter Parker, Scott Lang, and T'Challa arriving in Wakanda, only to be confronted by Zombie Thanos) is revealed)''
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[narrating]'' I want to tell you the story of how we fixed everything. How we used the Mind Stone and Wakandan tech to cure every zombie on the planet. But I can’t. Because it’s not what happened. Something was waiting for us. Something that we had been warned about. Thanos. He wanted the Mind Stone. But after T’Challa saw what he was doing to Wakanda, he wasn’t in a giving mood. Thanos had unimaginable power, but his infected brain couldn’t focus it. T’Challa saw it before we did. Zombie Thanos was learning. It wouldn’t be long before he was… ''unstoppable''. Things were looking bad. I mean, we were outnumbered. And then we weren’t. You see, Thor, he had a score to settle. But that’s not the story, either. It all seemed hopeless. Thanos turned the Golden City inside out, exposing the molten vibranium in its reactor’s core. I heard T’Challa say “Wakanda forever,” quietly, like… Like he knew that it was the last time. T’Challa saved the universe. Every single one of us.
----
''(after Valkyrie threatens the survivors with death unless they leave, Blade evokes his pantheon, Khonshu)''
:'''Khonshu''': I am the Moon God, Khonshu. Has the world changed so much that the Asgardians no longer recognize my deity?
:'''Valkyrie''': Khonshu… ''[laughing]'' My God! You little bird head bastard! How you been, man? ''(cut to the survivors, who are unable to see Khonshu; distant voice)'' I haven’t seen you in so long…
''(as Valkyrie speaks, we hear the other survivors)''
:'''Katy''': ''(confused)'' Uh… Sorry. Who is she talking to?
:'''Jimmy Woo''': I have no idea.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Maybe his imaginary friend is real?
:'''Shang-Chi''': Yeah, I mean, at this point, why not?
:'''Helmut Zemo''': ''[sighs]'' I miss my boat.

===Episode 4===
''(Kamala is remembering her fallen friends and allies, as a tear slides in her face. She is approached by Shang-Chi)''
:'''Shang-Chi''': You freaking out, too?
:'''Kamala Khan''': I’m not scared. It’s something else.
:'''Shang-Chi''': Talk to me.
:'''Kamala Khan''': I asked all of you to follow me, to give up everything on the chance we could fix things. And I was wrong. It was all for nothing. Wanda said she needs me. What if she wants me to go to Paris?
:'''Shang-Chi''': You’re right. We can’t know for sure, but we have to hold on to hope. I mean, you saw Thor drinking his life away in defeat, regret in his eyes. But in the end, what he really wanted was one last chance to fight. And you gave that to him. You gave that to all of us. I’ll always be grateful to you for that. And if we have one more, I’m gonna take it.
:'''Kamala Khan''': You sure?
:'''Shang-Chi''': Hey, we have to win one of these eventually, don’t we? Also, am I crazy or did Thor kind of make you an Avenger back there? ''[Kamala then hugs him]'' Oh. ''[chuckles]'' That’s a hug.
:'''Kamala Khan''': ''[sighs]'' Thank you.
:'''Shang-Chi''': All right, pal. Come on. Enough sittin’ around. We’ve got a world to save.

==Cast and characters==
* [[w:Iman Vellani|Iman Vellani]] as Kamala Khan
* [[w:Dominique Thorne|Dominique Thorne]] as Riri Williams
* [[Hailee Steinfeld]] as Kate Bishop
* [[w:Kerry Condon|Kerry Condon]] as F.R.I.D.A.Y.
* [[w:Kenna Ramsey|Kenna Ramsey]] as Okoye
* [[w:Todd Williams|Todd Williams]] as Eric Brooks / Blade Knight
* [[w:Kari Wahlgren|Kari Wahlgren]] as Melina Vostokoff
* [[Florence Pugh]] as Yelena Belova
* [[David Harbour]] as Alexei Shostakov / Red Guardian
* [[Simu Liu]] as Xu Shang-Chi
* [[Awkwafina]] as Katy Chen
* [[Randall Park]] as Jimmy Woo
* [[w:Feodor Chin|Feodor Chin]] as Xu Wenwu
* [[w:Wyatt Russell|Wyatt Russell]] as John Walker
* Rama Vallury as Helmut Zemo
* [[Elizabeth Olsen]] as Wanda Maximoff / Red Queen / Queen of the Dead
* [[w:Hudson Thames|Hudson Thames]] as Peter Parker / Spider-Man
* [[Paul Rudd]] as Scott Lang / Ant-Man
* Greg Furman as Thor
* Adam Hugill as Rintrah
* Daniel Swain as London Master
* Sheila Atim as Sara
* [[Tessa Thompson]] as Valkyrie
* [[w:F. Murray Abraham|F. Murray Abraham]] and Piotr Michael as Khonshu
* Zenobia Shroff as Muneeba Khan

===Recurring===
*Isaac Robinson-Smith as Rick
*Debra Wilson as Denise
*Alison Haislip as Sandra

===Additional voices===
* Dave Boat
* Terri Douglas
* Robin Atkin Downes
* Matthew Yang King
* Piotr Michael
* Andrew Morgado
* Ashley Peldon
* Michael Ralph
* Fred Tatasciore
* Mike Vaughn
* Matthew Wood

==See also==
*[[What If...?|''What If...?'']]

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Marvel Cinematic Universe}}
[[Category:American adult animated horror TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated TV spin-offs]]
[[Category:Disney+ shows]]
[[Category:Marvel Cinematic Universe TV series]]
[[Category:Miniseries]]
[[Category:Zombie TV shows]]</text>
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      <id>3963274</id>
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        <id>2458636</id>
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      <text bytes="10706" sha1="f6re35jcpwgzoxsxavs1r9e0kov64ho" xml:space="preserve">'''''[[w:Marvel Zombies (TV series)|Marvel Zombies]]''''' is a 2025 adult animated television series created by Bryan Andrews and Zeb Wells for the streaming service [[w:Disney+|Disney+]], based on the Marvel Comics series of the same name. It is intended to be the 16th television series in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) from Marvel Studios and is produced by Marvel Studios Animation. The series is set in the alternate timeline introduced in the &quot;[[w:What If... Zombies?!|What If... Zombies?!]]&quot; (2021) episode of the animated series [[What If...?|''What If...?'']] (2021–2024). Continuing from that episode, ''Marvel Zombies'' follows a group of survivors as they risk their lives fighting superpowered zombies to save the world. Andrews served as showrunner and director, with Wells as head writer.

''Marvel Zombies'' was released on Disney+ on September 24, 2025, and consists of four episodes. It is a part of Phase Six of the MCU. A second season is in development.

{{Stub}}
==Season 1==
===Episode 1===
''[episode begins with Kate Bishop shooting a zombie in the head with her arrow before she, Riri Williams, Kamala Khan and F.R.I.D.A.Y. (operating in the body of Zombie Tony Stark with the head of a teddy bear) walk around the now deserted New York City]''
:'''Riri Williams''': Anybody else concerned about the lack of zombies here?
:'''Kate Bishop''': Eh. Predators tend to move on when the food does.
:'''Kamala Khan''': ''[in an abandoned supermarket, she finds a can of tomato soup]'' Awesome. ''[whispers to Kate and Riri]'' Look what I found.
''[suddenly, they hear an engine rumbling, and spot a Quinjet passing by the city]''
:'''Kate Bishop''': Whoa! Was that a...
:'''All''': ''[unison]'' Quinjet?
:'''Riri Williams''': Model 36 XT.
:'''Kate Bishop''': God, you’re good.
:'''Kamala Khan''': ''[chuckles]''
:'''Riri Williams''': Come on. We’re going after it.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Could there be survivors?
:'''Riri Williams''': Probably not. But that bird has got to be full of gear.

----
:'''Kate Bishop''': ''(with the trick arrow she took from Hawkeye)'' Let's see what this baby’s got. ''(shoots the arrow at Zombie Captain Marvel, but the arrow is revealed to be a confetti arrow)'' Shit.
''(she is soon vaporized by Captain Marvel's energy beams)''

----
''[Melina is checking on the transmitter device Kamala brought]''
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': Hmm, the device emits an encrypted subspace frequency specifically designed to contact an intergalactic authority called the Nova Corps.
:'''Kamala Khan''': ''[sighs]'' So Riri was right.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Why call space people?
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': S.H.I.E.L.D. believed they have the technology to heal our world.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Great. Turn it on. Let’s save the world.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Uh, yes. Yes. Good… good ideas.
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': We can’t. Fallout from the Wakanda events scatter signals in our atmosphere. No radio waves get out or make it in. The broadcast would have to be from outside our atmosphere.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Um, what, like space?
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': Exactly. That was the plan. But just before deployment could happen, their base was overrun by a zombie horde. They must have miniaturized it with Pym Particles to smuggle it out.
:'''Yelena Belova''': They must have been desperate.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Yep. Desperate enough to swallow it afterwards.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Ugh. How do you know that?
:'''Kamala Khan''': Uh, just trust me. ''[Alexei groans]'' Look, what’s important is that Kate and Riri were right, and this device could change everything.
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': If we get it outside the atmosphere.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Outer space. Ohho. That should be easy. I’ll just build this girl and her strange friend a rocket. Hmm? This is ridiculous. Maybe Khonshu man can take it to space. Can you go to space, Khonshu man?
:'''Blade''': Shh. Quiet. They have found us.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': What? ''[alarm blares]'' Who found us?
:'''Blade''': The zombie horde.
''[Melina checks on the security cameras, which showcase Zombie Okoye]''
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Hmm, it’s just one person. There’s no horde. You call one zombie a horde?
:'''Melina Vostokoff''': No, it’s the red eyes I am noticing.
:'''Yelena Belova''': Hmm. Is she with you?
:'''Blade''': She is a scion of the Queen.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': What queen?
:'''Blade''': The Queen of the Dead. Wanda Maximoff.
:'''Kamala Khan''': Uh… The… The Avenger?
''[cut to Zombie Okoye outside]''
:'''Zombie Okoye''': What we seek is here.
''[zombified Abomination, Ghost, Hawkeye and a half-bodied Captain America appear]''
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': ''(seeing Zombie Captain America; excited)'' Captain America. Finally, the battle they will sing about for ages.
''[more zombies appear]''
:'''Yelena Belova''': Hey, Daddy, look, there’s the horde.
:'''Kamala Khan''': I think ''(referring to the transmitter)'' this is what they want.

===Episode 2===
''(Shang Chi has the Ten Rings, and he and some of the survivors are evacuated from San Francisco)''
:'''Denise''': So? What do we do now?
:'''Shang-Chi''': We survive.
----
:'''Helmut Zemo''': I look at you... and I see your journeys etched in your faces. The hardships you've endured. You've sacrificed so much. Let us honor the ones we have lost. The ones we wish could have joined us. They are still with us, though they are not here. We will not forget them, no matter how far we travel. We honor them as we take safety in the ocean depths.
----
:'''Zombie Okoye''': They think themselves safe. No one is safe.

===Episode 3===
''(in a flashback, the cliffhanger of '''[[What If...?]]''' episode &quot;What If... Zombies?!&quot; (featuring Peter Parker, Scott Lang, and T'Challa arriving in Wakanda, only to be confronted by Zombie Thanos) is revealed)''
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[narrating]'' I want to tell you the story of how we fixed everything. How we used the Mind Stone and Wakandan tech to cure every zombie on the planet. But I can’t. Because it’s not what happened. Something was waiting for us. Something that we had been warned about. Thanos. He wanted the Mind Stone. But after T’Challa saw what he was doing to Wakanda, he wasn’t in a giving mood. Thanos had unimaginable power, but his infected brain couldn’t focus it. T’Challa saw it before we did. Zombie Thanos was learning. It wouldn’t be long before he was… ''unstoppable''. Things were looking bad. I mean, we were outnumbered. And then we weren’t. You see, Thor, he had a score to settle. But that’s not the story, either. It all seemed hopeless. Thanos turned the Golden City inside out, exposing the molten vibranium in its reactor’s core. I heard T’Challa say “Wakanda forever,” quietly, like… Like he knew that it was the last time. T’Challa saved the universe. Every single one of us.
----
''(after Valkyrie threatens the survivors with death unless they leave, Blade evokes his pantheon, Khonshu)''
:'''Khonshu''': I am the Moon God, Khonshu. Has the world changed so much that the Asgardians no longer recognize my deity?
:'''Valkyrie''': Khonshu… ''[laughing]'' My God! You little bird head bastard! How you been, man? ''(cut to the survivors, who are unable to see Khonshu; distant voice)'' I haven’t seen you in so long…
''(as Valkyrie speaks, we hear the other survivors)''
:'''Katy''': ''(confused)'' Uh… Sorry. Who is she talking to?
:'''Jimmy Woo''': I have no idea.
:'''Alexei Shostakov''': Maybe his imaginary friend is real?
:'''Shang-Chi''': Yeah, I mean, at this point, why not?
:'''Helmut Zemo''': ''[sighs]'' I miss my boat.

===Episode 4===
''(Kamala is remembering her fallen friends and allies, as a tear slides in her face. She is approached by Shang-Chi)''
:'''Shang-Chi''': You freaking out, too?
:'''Kamala Khan''': I’m not scared. It’s something else.
:'''Shang-Chi''': Talk to me.
:'''Kamala Khan''': I asked all of you to follow me, to give up everything on the chance we could fix things. And I was wrong. It was all for nothing. Wanda said she needs me. What if she wants me to go to Paris?
:'''Shang-Chi''': You’re right. We can’t know for sure, but we have to hold on to hope. I mean, you saw Thor drinking his life away in defeat, regret in his eyes. But in the end, what he really wanted was one last chance to fight. And you gave that to him. You gave that to all of us. I’ll always be grateful to you for that. And if we have one more, I’m gonna take it.
:'''Kamala Khan''': You sure?
:'''Shang-Chi''': Hey, we have to win one of these eventually, don’t we? Also, am I crazy or did Thor kind of make you an Avenger back there? ''[Kamala then hugs him]'' Oh. ''[chuckles]'' That’s a hug.
:'''Kamala Khan''': ''[sighs]'' Thank you.
:'''Shang-Chi''': All right, pal. Come on. Enough sittin’ around. We’ve got a world to save.

==Cast and characters==
* [[w:Iman Vellani|Iman Vellani]] as Kamala Khan
* [[w:Dominique Thorne|Dominique Thorne]] as Riri Williams
* [[Hailee Steinfeld]] as Kate Bishop
* [[w:Kerry Condon|Kerry Condon]] as F.R.I.D.A.Y.
* [[w:Kenna Ramsey|Kenna Ramsey]] as Okoye
* [[w:Todd Williams|Todd Williams]] as Eric Brooks / Blade Knight
* [[w:Kari Wahlgren|Kari Wahlgren]] as Melina Vostokoff
* [[Florence Pugh]] as Yelena Belova
* [[David Harbour]] as Alexei Shostakov / Red Guardian
* [[Simu Liu]] as Xu Shang-Chi
* [[Awkwafina]] as Katy Chen
* [[Randall Park]] as Jimmy Woo
* [[w:Feodor Chin|Feodor Chin]] as Xu Wenwu
* [[w:Wyatt Russell|Wyatt Russell]] as John Walker
* Rama Vallury as Helmut Zemo
* [[Elizabeth Olsen]] as Wanda Maximoff / Red Queen / Queen of the Dead
* [[w:Hudson Thames|Hudson Thames]] as Peter Parker / Spider-Man
* [[Paul Rudd]] as Scott Lang / Ant-Man
* Greg Furman as Thor
* Adam Hugill as Rintrah
* Daniel Swain as London Master
* Sheila Atim as Sara
* [[Tessa Thompson]] as Valkyrie
* [[w:F. Murray Abraham|F. Murray Abraham]] and Piotr Michael as Khonshu
* Zenobia Shroff as Muneeba Khan

===Recurring===
*Isaac Robinson-Smith as Rick
*Debra Wilson as Denise
*Alison Haislip as Sandra

===Additional voices===
* Dave Boat
* Terri Douglas
* Robin Atkin Downes
* Matthew Yang King
* Piotr Michael
* Andrew Morgado
* Ashley Peldon
* Michael Ralph
* Fred Tatasciore
* Mike Vaughn
* Matthew Wood

==See also==
*[[What If...?|''What If...?'']]

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Marvel Cinematic Universe}}
[[Category:American adult animated horror TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated TV spin-offs]]
[[Category:Disney+ shows]]
[[Category:Marvel Cinematic Universe TV series]]
[[Category:Miniseries]]
[[Category:Zombie TV shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Viola Nuwaha</title>
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      <comment>Adding VFD with [[User:PieWriter/vfd|tool]]</comment>
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'''Viola Nuwaha''' is an Ugandan Information and Communications Technology for Development (ICT4D) expert, a programmer and a rural development enthusiast. 
She strives for opportunities to inspire young females to aspire and achieve more in technology.Between November 2013–April 2014, she worked as Programs Assistant at Women In Technology Uganda (WITU). She helped co-ordinate various activities and implemented well tailored technological programs.

== Quotes ==

* Don’t set the ember in your soul alight if there’s not enough wood to keep the flame glowing. [https://medium.com/@vnuwaha/what-do-information-privacy-and-love-have-in-common-6d4ec257b877/ Viola on staying motivated]

* You will want to quit, not once, not twice, as many times as possible, but whatever happens,.. don’t quit.[https://medium.com/@vnuwaha/what-no-one-told-me-about-grad-school-6ab8519a43c2/ Viola's advice on pursuing a TECH career]

* You will hit rock bottom, remember the only way thereafter is up.[https://medium.com/@vnuwaha/what-no-one-told-me-about-grad-school-6ab8519a43c2]

* Get out of your comfort zone, you will be surprised by what awaits you at the end of your comfort zone.[https://medium.com/@vnuwaha/what-no-one-told-me-about-grad-school-6ab8519a43c2]

* No one is smart at everything, neither are you. [https://medium.com/@vnuwaha/what-no-one-told-me-about-grad-school-6ab8519a43c2/ Viola on the need to remain grounded and humble]

== External links ==</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Bruce Mwape</title>
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      <text bytes="2932" sha1="pa1o1m7b0ajopnaxenabclw4dl70cx4" xml:space="preserve">[[File:2023-07-07 Fussball, Frauen, Länderspiel, Deutschland - Sambia 1DX 6981 by Stepro.jpg|thumb|Bruce Mwape]]
'''[[wikipedia:Bruce_Mwape|Bruce Mwape]]''' ([[26 October]] [[1959]] – [[9 July]] [[2026]]) was the former coach of the Zambia women's national team. He coached the 'copper queens' (as they are fondly known) in Zambia from 2018 to 2025.

== Quotes ==
* I am happy that FIFA is investigating the matter because it will provide an opportunity for my name to be cleared of all the allegations
* I shall cooperate throughout the investigations because I want my name to be cleared and people should know the truth
* The accusers have always hidden under the guise of social media and have never identified any victim in this entire episode. I have always been ready to cooperate with any investigations….. I hope once everything is concluded, the allegations will be put to rest
** '''[https://bolanews.co/soccer/womens-football/fifa-womens-world-cup/bruce-mwape-breaks-silence-over-sexual-misconduct-accusations/?amp=1 Bruce Mwape breaks silence over sexual misconduct accusations]''', 10 August 2023
* It means a lot to me because this will be a back-to-back participation in the Olympics.  To me its good and the way we have improved from the time I started coaching this team, we have managed to go to all major tournaments.  We have been to the Women’s Africa Cup of Nations, the Olympics and even the World Cup so it is actually a bonus to me that we are going there again in succession
* This is a huge plus for women’s football in Zambia and shows tremendous growth in our game
** '''[https://www.cafonline.com/womens-football/news/we-have-a-improved-a-lot-bruce-mwape/ We have a improved a lot – Bruce Mwape]''', 15 April 2024
* Maybe the age will give us an advantage. Playing old people, I think they will not withstand that pressure from the young ones
* Experience is also important, but the games that we have played, I think our girls now have gained that experience
* They've been to the African Cup twice, they've been to the Olympics. So for me, I think they have the experience required to play in this competition,
* As far as I'm concerned, we cannot consider ourselves as underdogs
* We regard ourselves as an epic team that can challenge any other team in the world
* Now football will be shown to many more Japanese people and that helps our players as well, and our fight
* Japan women's football will grow and television broadcasting is important for that. We want to be able to move people emotionally with our game
** '''[https://www.france24.com/en/live-news/20230721-epic-zambia-no-women-s-world-cup-underdog-coach-says 'Epic' Zambia no Women's World Cup underdog, coach says]''', 21 July 2023

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Mwape, Bruce}}
[[Category:1959 births]]
[[Category:2026 deaths]]
[[Category:Football (soccer) coaches]]
[[Category:People from Zambia]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Second presidency of Donald Trump</title>
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      <comment>/* April 2026 */ We’re fighting wars</comment>
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      <text bytes="431222" sha1="ieapo41pcva1x9cckvppxa4kjvxbp0r" xml:space="preserve">The '''{{w|Second Presidency of Donald Trump}}''' began on [[w:Second inauguration of Donald Trump|his inauguration]] [[w:Eastern Time Zone|EST]] on January 20, 2025, when [[Donald Trump]] was [[w:Second inauguration of Donald Trump|inaugurated]] as the [[w:List of Presidents of the United States|47th]] [[president of the United States]], succeeding [[Joe Biden]]

:See also:
::'''''[[2026 Iran war]]'''''
::'''''[[Donald Trump on social media]]'''''
::'''''[[Trumpism]]'''''

==Quotes==
[[File:CA Guard and protestors, June 2025.jpg|thumb|California may be first, but it clearly will not end here. Other states are next. Democracy is next. Democracy is under assault before our eyes. ~ [[Gavin Newsom]]]]
[[File:Noah R. Feldman at Harvard University (cropped).jpg|thumb|We need independent universities. We need an independent press. And, of course, we need independent courts. And Trump doesn't like independence because independent institutions can say no to him. And the more he can weaken the independence of those institutions, the more he can make his agenda the dominant agenda. And ultimately, this is about Trump trying to impose his view of the world on everybody else. ~ [[Noah Feldman]]]]
[[File:Transphobia (alt).png|thumb|It is the policy of the United States to recognize two sexes, male and female. [[Transphobia in the United States|These sexes are not changeable and are grounded in fundamental and incontrovertible reality.]] ~ [[Donald Trump]]]]
[[File:Second cabinet of Donald Trump in August 2025.jpg|thumb|The administration is efficient and punctual, and its leader can do no wrong. The American republic is aiming for a head-on collision with democracy, and not incidentally is becoming an enigma, if not a laughingstock, to the rest of the free world. It has to stop. ~ Religion News Service]]
[[File:Flag map of Canada.svg|thumb|As United States President Donald Trump relentlessly threatens to annex Canada, reiterating the threat again this week in a speech to American military officials, some Canadians are worried that a U.S. invasion could one day become a reality. How would that scenario play out? Looking at the sheer size of the American military, many people might believe that Trump would enjoy an easy victory.&lt;br&gt;That analysis is wrong. ~ Aisha Ahmad]]

=== 2025 ===
==== January 2025 ====
* The privilege of United States citizenship is a priceless and profound gift.  The Fourteenth Amendment states:  “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.”  That provision rightly repudiated the Supreme Court of the United States’s shameful decision in Dred Scott v. Sandford, 60 U.S. (19 How.) 393 (1857), which misinterpreted the Constitution as permanently excluding people of African descent from eligibility for United States citizenship solely based on their race.&lt;br&gt;But the Fourteenth Amendment has never been interpreted to extend citizenship universally to everyone born within the United States.  The Fourteenth Amendment has always excluded from birthright citizenship persons who were born in the United States but not “subject to the jurisdiction thereof.”  Consistent with this understanding, the Congress has further specified through legislation that “a person born in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof” is a national and citizen of the United States at birth, 8 U.S.C. 1401, generally mirroring the Fourteenth Amendment’s text.&lt;br&gt;Among the categories of individuals born in the United States and not subject to the jurisdiction thereof, the privilege of United States citizenship does not automatically extend to persons born in the United States:  (1) when that person’s mother was unlawfully present in the United States and the father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth, or (2) when that person’s mother’s presence in the United States at the time of said person’s birth was lawful but temporary (such as, but not limited to, visiting the United States under the auspices of the Visa Waiver Program or visiting on a student, work, or tourist visa) and the father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-the-meaning-and-value-of-american-citizenship/Executive Order 14160: Protecting the Meaning and Value of American Citizenship], 20 January 2025

* It is the policy of the United States that no department or agency of the United States government shall issue documents recognizing United States citizenship, or accept documents issued by State, local, or other governments or authorities purporting to recognize United States citizenship, to persons:  (1) when that person’s mother was unlawfully present in the United States and the person’s father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth, or (2) when that person’s mother’s presence in the United States was lawful but temporary, and the person’s father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-the-meaning-and-value-of-american-citizenship/Executive Order 14160: Protecting the Meaning and Value of American Citizenship], 20 January 2025

* Without DEI, we are told, hiring and promotions will be merit-based. Make no mistake though, merit has traditionally been liberally peppered with cronyism and good-ol’-boy-ism. Now add to that fealty to the Trump Administration rather than the Constitution.&lt;br&gt;The reality is that Fagan’s firing has nothing to do with bolstering national security. Just the opposite. It is part of a regressive social agenda to put women back in their place, misogyny being the glue that holds together the many racist, anti-immigration, LGBTQ+ and other hate groups that have been unleashed in America.
** Joan Johnson-Freese, [https://alabamareflector.com/2025/01/28/firing-of-coast-guard-commandant-serves-a-regressive-social-agenda/&quot;Firing of Coast Guard commandant serves a regressive social agenda&quot;], ''Alabama Reflector'', 28 January 2025

* It is worth noting as well that it was President Donald Trump who signed the Women, Peace and Security (WPS) Act in 2017, mandating the implementation of United Nations Security Council Resolution 1325 (2000) that recognizes the links between gender and security and therefore seeks to bolster women’s participation in security affairs. UNSCR 1325 is built upon four pillars: participation, prevention, protection, and relief and recovery efforts. WPS emphasizes the need for inclusive diversity (women having not just a seat, but a voice at decision-making tables) and consideration of how policies and programs affect men, women, boys and girls differently.
** Joan Johnson-Freese, [https://alabamareflector.com/2025/01/28/firing-of-coast-guard-commandant-serves-a-regressive-social-agenda/&quot;Firing of Coast Guard commandant serves a regressive social agenda&quot;], ''Alabama Reflector'', 28 January 2025

* Her firing was an insult to Fagan’s career and legacy and will have significant negative national security implications.&lt;br&gt;The Trump Administration has vowed to end “radical and wasteful” government DEI programs. “A woke military is a weak military” DEI critics like to say. Actually, however, a well-executed DEI program can address challenges being faced by the military. Those challenges are sometimes referred to as the “5 Rs”: recruitment, retention, readiness, resources and risk to force/risk to mission.
** Joan Johnson-Freese, [https://alabamareflector.com/2025/01/28/firing-of-coast-guard-commandant-serves-a-regressive-social-agenda/&quot;Firing of Coast Guard commandant serves a regressive social agenda&quot;], ''Alabama Reflector'', 28 January 2025

* Firing Fagan was likely just the first salvo in ridding the Pentagon, and the government generally, of individuals who support diversity. What’s the next chapter? The path forward is no longer visible, just like the Coast Guard web page that used to feature Fagan’s photo and biography.
** Joan Johnson-Freese, [https://alabamareflector.com/2025/01/28/firing-of-coast-guard-commandant-serves-a-regressive-social-agenda/&quot;Firing of Coast Guard commandant serves a regressive social agenda&quot;], ''Alabama Reflector'', 28 January 2025

* Across the country, ideologues who deny the biological reality of sex have increasingly used legal and other socially coercive means to permit men to self-identify as women and gain access to intimate single-sex spaces and activities designed for women, from women’s domestic abuse shelters to women’s workplace showers.  This is wrong.  Efforts to eradicate the biological reality of sex fundamentally attack women by depriving them of their dignity, safety, and well-being.  The erasure of sex in language and policy has a corrosive impact not just on women but on the validity of the entire American system.  Basing Federal policy on truth is critical to scientific inquiry, public safety, morale, and trust in government itself.&lt;br&gt;This unhealthy road is paved by an ongoing and purposeful attack against the ordinary and longstanding use and understanding of biological and scientific terms, replacing the immutable biological reality of sex with an internal, fluid, and subjective sense of self unmoored from biological facts.  Invalidating the true and biological category of “woman” improperly transforms laws and policies designed to protect sex-based opportunities into laws and policies that undermine them, replacing longstanding, cherished legal rights and values with an identity-based, inchoate social concept.&lt;br&gt;Accordingly, my Administration will defend women’s rights and protect freedom of conscience by using clear and accurate language and policies that recognize women are biologically female, and men are biologically male.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/defending-women-from-gender-ideology-extremism-and-restoring-biological-truth-to-the-federal-government/Executive Order 14168: &quot;Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government&quot;], 20 January 2025

* '''It is the policy of the United States to recognize two sexes, male and female.  These sexes are not changeable and are grounded in fundamental and incontrovertible reality.'''
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/defending-women-from-gender-ideology-extremism-and-restoring-biological-truth-to-the-federal-government/Executive Order 14168: &quot;Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government&quot;], 20 January 2025

* “Gender ideology” replaces the biological category of sex with an ever-shifting concept of self-assessed gender identity, permitting the false claim that males can identify as and thus become women and vice versa, and requiring all institutions of society to regard this false claim as true.  Gender ideology includes the idea that there is a vast spectrum of genders that are disconnected from one’s sex.  Gender ideology is internally inconsistent, in that it diminishes sex as an identifiable or useful category but nevertheless maintains that it is possible for a person to be born in the wrong sexed body.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/defending-women-from-gender-ideology-extremism-and-restoring-biological-truth-to-the-federal-government/Executive Order 14168: &quot;Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government&quot;], 20 January 2025

* Agencies shall remove all statements, policies, regulations, forms, communications, or other internal and external messages that promote or otherwise inculcate gender ideology, and shall cease issuing such statements, policies, regulations, forms, communications or other messages.  Agency forms that require an individual’s sex shall list male or female, and shall not request gender identity.  Agencies shall take all necessary steps, as permitted by law, to end the Federal funding of gender ideology.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/defending-women-from-gender-ideology-extremism-and-restoring-biological-truth-to-the-federal-government/Executive Order 14168: &quot;Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government&quot;], 20 January 2025

* By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, it is hereby ordered:&lt;br&gt;Section 1. Policy and Purpose. Across the country today, medical professionals are maiming and sterilizing a growing number of impressionable children under the radical and false claim that adults can change a child’s sex through a series of irreversible medical interventions. This dangerous trend will be a stain on our Nation’s history, and it must end.&lt;br&gt;Countless children soon regret that they have been mutilated and begin to grasp the horrifying tragedy that they will never be able to conceive children of their own or nurture their children through breastfeeding. Moreover, these vulnerable youths’ medical bills may rise throughout their lifetimes, as they are often trapped with lifelong medical complications, a losing war with their own bodies, and, tragically, sterilization.&lt;br&gt;Accordingly, it is the policy of the United States that it will not fund, sponsor, promote, assist, or support the so-called “transition” of a child from one sex to another, and it will rigorously enforce all laws that prohibit or limit these destructive and life-altering procedures.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-children-from-chemical-and-surgical-mutilation/Executive Order 14187: &quot;Protect Children from Chemical and Surgical Mutilation&quot;], 28 January 2025

* The phrase “chemical and surgical mutilation” means the use of puberty blockers, including GnRH agonists and other interventions, to delay the onset or progression of normally timed puberty in an individual who does not identify as his or her sex; the use of sex hormones, such as androgen blockers, estrogen, progesterone, or testosterone, to align an individual’s physical appearance with an identity that differs from his or her sex; and surgical procedures that attempt to transform an individual’s physical appearance to align with an identity that differs from his or her sex or that attempt to alter or remove an individual’s sexual organs to minimize or destroy their natural biological functions. This phrase sometimes is referred to as “gender affirming care.”
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-children-from-chemical-and-surgical-mutilation/Executive Order 14187: &quot;Protect Children from Chemical and Surgical Mutilation&quot;], 28 January 2025

* Sec. 3. Ending Reliance on Junk Science. (a) The blatant harm done to children by chemical and surgical mutilation cloaks itself in medical necessity, spurred by guidance from the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), which lacks scientific integrity.  In light of the scientific concerns with the WPATH guidance:&lt;br&gt;(i) agencies shall rescind or amend all policies that rely on WPATH guidance, including WPATH’s “Standards of Care Version 8”; and&lt;br&gt;(ii) within 90 days of the date of this order, the Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS) shall publish a review of the existing literature on best practices for promoting the health of children who assert gender dysphoria, rapid-onset gender dysphoria, or other identity-based confusion.&lt;br&gt;(b) The Secretary of HHS, as appropriate and consistent with applicable law, shall use all available methods to increase the quality of data to guide practices for improving the health of minors with gender dysphoria, rapid-onset gender dysphoria, or other identity-based confusion, or who otherwise seek chemical or surgical mutilation.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-children-from-chemical-and-surgical-mutilation/Executive Order 14187: &quot;Protect Children from Chemical and Surgical Mutilation&quot;], 28 January 2025

* Sec. 4. Defunding Chemical and Surgical Mutilation. The head of each executive department or agency (agency) that provides research or education grants to medical institutions, including medical schools and hospitals, shall, consistent with applicable law and in coordination with the Director of the Office of Management and Budget, immediately take appropriate steps to ensure that institutions receiving Federal research or education grants end the chemical and surgical mutilation of children.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-children-from-chemical-and-surgical-mutilation/Executive Order 14187: &quot;Protect Children from Chemical and Surgical Mutilation&quot;], 28 January 2025

* Sec. 6. TRICARE. The Department of Defense provides health insurance, through TRICARE, to nearly 2 million individuals under the age of 18.  As appropriate and consistent with applicable law, the Secretary of Defense shall commence a rulemaking or sub-regulatory action to exclude chemical and surgical mutilation of children from TRICARE coverage and amend the TRICARE provider handbook to exclude chemical and surgical mutilation of children.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-children-from-chemical-and-surgical-mutilation/Executive Order 14187: &quot;Protect Children from Chemical and Surgical Mutilation&quot;], 28 January 2025

* Imprinting anti-American, subversive, harmful, and false ideologies on our Nation’s children not only violates longstanding anti-discrimination civil rights law in many cases, but usurps basic parental authority.  For example, steering students toward surgical and chemical mutilation without parental consent or involvement or allowing males access to private spaces designated for females may contravene Federal laws that protect parental rights, including the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) and the Protection of Pupil Rights Amendment (PPRA), and sex-based equality and opportunity, including Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 (Title IX).  Similarly, demanding acquiescence to “White Privilege” or “unconscious bias,” actually promotes racial discrimination and undermines national unity.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/ending-radical-indoctrination-in-k-12-schooling/Executive Order 14190: &quot;Ending Radical Indoctrination in K-12 Schooling&quot;], 29 January 2025

* Within 90 days of the date of this order, to advise the President in formulating future policy, the Secretary of Education, the Secretary of Defense, and the Secretary of Health and Human Services, in consultation with the Attorney General, shall provide an Ending Indoctrination Strategy to the President, through the Assistant to the President for Domestic Policy, containing recommendations and a plan for:&lt;br&gt;(i) eliminating Federal funding or support for illegal and discriminatory treatment and indoctrination in K-12 schools, including based on gender ideology and discriminatory equity ideology&lt;br&gt;(ii)  protecting parental rights, pursuant to FERPA, 20 U.S.C. 1232g, and the PPRA, 20 U.S.C. 1232h, with respect to any K-12 policies or conduct implicated by the purpose and policy of this order.&lt;br&gt;(b) The Ending Indoctrination Strategy submitted under subsection (a) of this section shall contain a summary and analysis of the following:&lt;br&gt;(i) All Federal funding sources and streams, including grants or contracts, that directly or indirectly support or subsidize the instruction, advancement, or promotion of gender ideology or discriminatory equity ideology:&lt;br&gt;(A) in K-12 curriculum, instruction, programs, or activities; or&lt;br&gt;(B) in K-12 teacher education, certification, licensing, employment, or training;&lt;br&gt;(ii) Each agency’s process to prevent or rescind Federal funds, to the maximum extent consistent with applicable law, from being used by an ESA, SEA, LEA, elementary school, or secondary school to directly or indirectly support or subsidize the instruction, advancement, or promotion of gender ideology or discriminatory equity ideology in:&lt;br&gt;(A) K-12 curriculum, instruction, programs, or activities; or&lt;br&gt;(B) K-12 teacher certification, licensing, employment, or training;&lt;br&gt;(iii) Each agency’s process to prevent or rescind Federal funds, to the maximum extent consistent with applicable law, from being used by an ESA, SEA, LEA, elementary school, or secondary school to directly or indirectly support or subsidize the social transition of a minor student, including through school staff or teachers or through deliberately concealing the minor’s social transition from the minor’s parents.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/ending-radical-indoctrination-in-k-12-schooling/Executive Order 14190: &quot;Ending Radical Indoctrination in K-12 Schooling&quot;], 29 January 2025

===== Inaugural Address (January 20th, 2025) =====
*From this day forward, our country will flourish and be respected again all over the world. We will be the envy of every nation, and we will not allow ourselves to be taken advantage of any longer. During every single day of the Trump administration, I will very simply put America first.
*My recent election is a mandate to completely and totally reverse a horrible betrayal and all of these many betrayals that have taken place and to give the people back their faith, their wealth, their democracy, and, indeed, their freedom. From this moment on, America’s decline is over.
*Just a few months ago, in a beautiful Pennsylvania field, an assassin’s bullet ripped through my ear. But I felt then and believe even more so now that my life was saved for a reason. '''I was saved by God to Make America Great Again.'''
*Today, I will sign a series of historic executive orders. With these actions, we will begin the complete restoration of America and the revolution of common sense. It’s all about common sense.
*We will measure our success not only by the battles we win, but also by the wars that we end, and perhaps most importantly, the wars we never get into. My proudest legacy will be that of a peacemaker and unifier. That’s what I want to be. A peacemaker and a unifier.
*I stand before you now as proof that you should never believe that something is impossible to do. In America, the impossible is what we do best.
*We will stand bravely, we will live proudly, we will dream boldly, and nothing will stand in our way because we are Americans. The future is ours, and our golden age has just begun.
**[[Donald Trump]], [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Donald_Trump%27s_Inaugural_Address_(2025) Second inaugural address], 20 January 2025

==== February 2025 ====
* By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, and to protect opportunities for women and girls to compete in safe and fair sports, it is hereby ordered: Section 1. Policy and Purpose. In recent years, many educational institutions and athletic associations have allowed men to compete in women’s sports. This is demeaning, unfair, and dangerous to women and girls, and denies women and girls the equal opportunity to participate and excel in competitive sports.&lt;br&gt;Therefore, it is the policy of the United States to rescind all funds from educational programs that deprive women and girls of fair athletic opportunities, which results in the endangerment, humiliation, and silencing of women and girls and deprives them of privacy. It shall also be the policy of the United States to oppose male competitive participation in women’s sports more broadly, as a matter of safety, fairness, dignity, and truth.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/02/keeping-men-out-of-womens-sports/Executive Order 14201: &quot;Keeping Men Out of Women’s Sports&quot;], 5 February 2025

* The Secretary of State, including through the Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs’ Sports Diplomacy Division and the Representative of the United States of America to the United Nations, shall:&lt;br&gt;(i)  rescind support for and participation in people-to-people sports exchanges or other sports programs within which the relevant female sports category is based on identity and not sex
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/02/keeping-men-out-of-womens-sports/Executive Order 14201: &quot;Keeping Men Out of Women’s Sports&quot;], 5 February 2025

*They haven’t done that [attempted to assassinate Trump] and that would be a terrible thing for them to do. Not because of me— if they did that, they would be obliterated. That would be the end. I’ve left instructions, if they do it, they get obliterated, there won’t be anything left.
**[[Donald Trump]] when questioned about Iran and proxies threatening to assassinate him after he signed executive order to put ‘maximum pressure’ on Iran, quoted in  [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5126429-trump-iran-assassinate/ Trump warns he left instructions to ‘obliterate’ Iran if he is assassinated] ‘’The Hill’’ (February 4, 2025)

*The only reason the Palestinians want to go back to Gaza is they have no alternative. It's right now a demolition site. This is just a demolition site. Virtually every building is down. They're living under fallen concrete that's very dangerous and very precarious. They instead can occupy all of a beautiful area with homes and safety and they can live out their lives in peace and harmony instead of having to go back and do it again. The US will take over the Gaza Strip and we will do a job with it too. We'll own it and be responsible for dismantling all of the dangerous unexploded bombs and other weapons on the site, level the site and get rid of the destroyed buildings, level it out. Create an economic development that will supply unlimited numbers of jobs and housing for the people of the area. Do a real job, do something different.&lt;br&gt;... So, by the United States, with its stability and strength, owning it, especially the strength that we're developing and developed over the last fairly short period of time, I would say really since the election, I think we'll be a great keeper of something that is very, very strong, very powerful and very, very good for the area, not just for Israel, for the entire Middle East.&lt;br&gt;... I do see a long-term ownership position and I see it bringing great stability to that part of the Middle East, and maybe the entire Middle East. And everybody I've spoken to - this was not a decision made lightly. Everybody I've spoken to loves the idea of the United States owning that piece of land, developing and creating thousands of jobs with something that will be magnificent in a really magnificent area that nobody would know.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted from [https://www.middleeasteye.net/news/full-text-trump-and-netanyahus-explosive-news-conference Full text of Trump and Netanyahu's explosive news conference] ‘’Middle East Eye’’ (February 5, 2025)

*We’re very disappointed with the judges that would make such a ruling. But we have a long way to go. We have to look, we have to find all of the fraud that’s going on. We have tremendous fraud, tremendous waste, and tremendous abuse, and theft, by the way. And the day you’re not allowed to look for theft and fraud, et cetera, then we don’t have much of a country. So, no judge should frankly be allowed to make that kind of a decision. It’s a disgrace.
**[[Donald Trump]] in response to a reporter's question concerning the court order blocking DOGE from investigating the Treasury Department, quoted in [https://www.newsbreak.com/the-new-republic-1991457/3799841114310-trump-s-reaction-to-court-order-blocking-doge-is-as-ominous-as-it-gets Trump’s Reaction to Court Order Blocking DOGE Is as Ominous as It Gets] ''NewsBreak'' (February 10, 2025)

*You know bullies? You know what a bully is, right? You know the bully, I’ve always ― and I found it throughout my life ― a bully is the weakest person. And they’re bullies. Hamas is bullies. The weakest people are bullies. You know that, right?
**[[Donald Trump]] in [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/stunning-freudian-slip-trump-s-hot-take-on-bullies-leads-to-epic-self-own/ar-AA1ySPe3 'Stunning Freudian Slip': Trump's Hot Take On Bullies Leads To Epic 'Self Own'] ''HuffPost'' (February 12, 2025)

*I think I have the power to end this war, and I think it's going very well. But today I heard, 'Oh, well, we weren't invited.' Well, you've been there for three years. You should have never started it. You could have made a deal….&lt;/br&gt;I could have made a deal for Ukraine that would have given them almost all of the land, everything, almost all of the land, and no people would have been killed, and no city would have been demolished, and not one dome would have been knocked down. But they chose not to do it that way.
**[[Donald Trump]] in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-ukraine-should-never-have-started-it-remarks-war-russia-rcna192710 Trump says Ukraine 'should have never started' war in Ukraine] ''NBC News'' (February 18, 2025)

* [[w:Congestion pricing in New York City|CONGESTION PRICING]] IS DEAD. Manhattan, and all of New York, is SAVED. LONG LIVE THE KING!
** [[Donald Trump]] [https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/1892295984928993698 message on the Official WhiteHouse X account (19 February 2025)]

*Is Maine here, the governor of Maine?&lt;br&gt;&lt;I&gt;Governor Janet Mills: I’m here.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Are you not going to comply with [the executive order signed on transgender athletes]?&lt;br&gt;&lt;I&gt;Mills: I’m complying with state and federal laws.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;We are the federal law. Well, you better do it, you better do it, because you’re not going to get any federal funding at all if you don’t.&lt;br&gt;&lt;I&gt;Mills: We’re going to follow the law.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;You’d better comply. Otherwise, you’re not getting any federal funding.&lt;br&gt;&lt;I&gt;Mills: We’ll see you in court.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Good, I’ll see you in court. I look forward to that. That should be a real easy one. And enjoy your life after governor because I don’t think you’ll be in elected politics.
**[[Donald Trump]] in [https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-politics-and-policy/trump-spars-maines-governor-white-house-transgender-athletes-rcna193244 Trump spars with Maine’s governor at the White House over transgender athletes] ''NBC News'' (February 21, 2025)

==== March 2025 ====
*The Golden Age of America has just begun! Over the past six weeks, our Administration has delivered on promises like no Administration before it, always putting America First! DOGE has been an incredible success, and now that we have my Cabinet in place, I have instructed the Secretaries and Leadership to work with DOGE on Cost Cutting measures and Staffing. As the Secretaries learn about, and understand, the people working for the various Departments, they can be very precise as to who will remain, and who will go. We say the &quot;scalpel&quot; rather than the &quot;hatchet.&quot; The combination of them, Elon, DOGE, and other great people will be able to do things at a historic level.
**[https://x.com/trump_repost/status/1897723225343508725 [[Donald Trump]] Posts on 𝕏] (March 6, 2025)

*The ‘Pardons’ that Sleepy Joe Biden gave to the Unselect Committee of Political Thugs, and many others, are hereby declared VOID, VACANT, AND OF NO FURTHER FORCE OR EFFECT, because of the fact that they were done by Autopen.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted from ''Truth Social'' in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-bidens-pardons-jan-6-committee-are-void-used-autopen-rcna196670 Trump claims Biden's pardons for Jan. 6 committee are 'void' because he used an autopen] ''NBC News'' (March 17, 2025)

*I don’t know anything about it. I’m not a big fan of The Atlantic. To me, it’s a magazine that’s going out of business. I think it’s not much of a magazine, but I know nothing about it. What were they talking about?… &lt;br&gt;It couldn’t have been very effective because the attack was very effective. I can tell you that. I don’t know anything about it. You’re telling me about it for the first time.
**[[Donald Trump]] when asked about the story of a reporter from The Atlantic receiving military strike plans against the Houthi rebels prior to the attack, as reported in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/3/24/a-shocking-breach-trump-officials-leak-military-attacks-to-the-atlantic ‘A shocking breach’: Trump officials leak Yemen attack plans in Signal chat] ''Al Jazeera'' (March 24, 2025)

*No District Court Judge, or any Judge, can assume the duties of the President of the United States. Only Crime and Chaos would result.
**[[Donald Trump]] Truth Social post, cited in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/trump-administration/judges-stand-firm-trump-ramps-attacks-judiciary-rcna197287 Judges stand firm as Trump ramps up attacks on judiciary] ''NBC News'' (March 21, 2025)

*It’s just something that can happen, it can happen. You can even prepare for it, it can happen. Sometimes people are hooked in and you don’t know they’re hooked in. … It’s not a perfect technology, there is no perfect technology.&lt;br&gt;We always want to use the best technology. This was the best technology for the moment. Again, it wasn’t classified so they probably viewed it as being something that wasn’t that important…&lt;br&gt;No, I don’t think (national security adviser Mike Waltz) should apologize. I think he’s doing his best. It’s equipment and technology that’s not perfect and probably he won’t be using it again.
**[[Donald Trump]] when asked if anyone could be fired after The Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg was invited to a group chat on ''Signal'' by national security adviser Mike Waltz, in which top officials discussed details of attacks in Yemen, as reported in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5213462-trump-on-war-plans-group-chat-its-just-something-that-can-happen/ Trump on war plans group chat: ‘It’s just something that can happen’] ''The Hill'' (March 25, 2025)

*What it was we believe is somebody that was on the line with permission, somebody that was with Mike Walz – worked for Mike Walz at a lower level, had I guess Goldberg's number, called through the app, and somehow this guy ended up on the call.&lt;br&gt;Now it wasn't classified as I understand it, there was no classified information, there was no problem and the attack was a tremendous success. So I can only go by what I've been told, I wasn't involved in it, but I was told by, and the other people weren't involved at all, but I feel very comfortable actually.
**[[Donald Trump]] explaining the reason for The Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg being in a group chat discussing Houthi attack details, during an appearance on ''Newsmax'' taken from [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-reveals-how-signal-group-chat-leak-happened-atlantic-2050572 Donald Trump Reveals How Signal Group Chat Leak Happened] ''Newsweek'' (March 26, 2025)

*There weren’t details, and there was nothing in there that compromised. And it had no impact on the attack, which was very successful. A thing like that — maybe Goldberg found a way. Maybe there’s a staffer, maybe there’s a very innocent staffer, but we’ll get — I think we’ll get to the bottom of it very quickly, and it’s really not a big deal.
**[[Donald Trump]] speaking on ''The Vince Show'' regarding Jeffery Goldberg's follow-up article in ''The Atlantic'' where he published the detailed text messages he received on the ''Signal'' app of the upcoming plans for the attack on the Houthis, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5214890-trump-atlantic-signal-chat-response/ Trump reacts to new Atlantic messages: ‘Really not a big deal’] ''The Hill'' (March 26, 2025)

*I don’t fire people because of fake news and because of witch hunts…&lt;br&gt;I think it’s just a witch hunt and the fake news, like you, talk about it all the time, but it’s just a witch hunt, and it shouldn’t be talked [about]. We had a tremendously successful strike. We struck very hard and very lethal. And nobody wants to talk about that. All they want to talk about is nonsense. It’s fake news. …&lt;br&gt;I have no idea what Signal is. I don’t care what Signal is. All I can tell you is it’s just a witch hunt, and it’s the only thing the press wants to talk about, because you have nothing else to talk about. Because it’s been the greatest 100-day presidency in the history of our country.
**[[Donald Trump]] speaking on the news coverage of the Houthi attack plans texted over the Signal app and divulged by Jeffery Goldberg of ''The Atlantic'', as reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/rcna198731 Trump says he ‘couldn’t care less’ if foreign automakers raise prices due to tariffs] ''NBC News'' (March 29, 2025)

*We’ll get Greenland. Yeah, 100%. ….&lt;br&gt;No, I never take military force off the table. But I think there's a good possibility that we could do it without military force. We have an obligation to protect the world. This is world peace, this is international security. And I have that obligation while I'm president. No, I don't take anything off the table.
**From an [[Donald Trump]] interview with ''NBC News'' referenced in [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/03/29/trump-greenland-military-force-denmark/82722287007/ Trump says U.S. will 'get Greenland,' military force may not be needed but not ruled out] ''USA Today'' (March 29,2025)

* Well, there are plans … there are — not plans — there are methods — there are methods which you could do it. … A lot of people want me to do it. … I'm not joking. I'm not joking.
** [[Donald Trump]] on the possibilities of having a third term as President, quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-third-term-white-house-methods-rcna198752 &quot;Trump won’t rule out seeking a third term in the White House, tells NBC News ‘there are methods’ for doing so&quot; ''NBC News'' (30 March 2025)]; also [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/mar/30/trump-third-term-president &quot;Trump says ‘there are methods' for seeking third term in White House&quot; ''The Guardian'' (31 March 2025)]

===== Joint session address to Congress (4 March 2025) =====
[[File:President Trump speech to joint session of Congress, 2025.jpg|thumb|I stood beneath the dome of this Capitol and proclaimed the dawn of the golden age of America. From that moment on, it has been nothing but swift and unrelenting action to usher in the greatest and most successful era in the history of our country. ~ [[Donald Trump]]]]
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2025/03/politics/transcript-speech-trump-congress-annotated-dg/ &quot;Trump’s 2025 joint session address, fact checked and annotated&quot;, ''CNN'' (5 March 2025)]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:President Donald Trump delivers his Joint address to Congress, Tuesday, March 4, 2025, in the House Chamber of the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C..jpg|thumb|We've ended the [[tyranny]] of so-called [[diversity]], [[equity]] and [[w:Inclusion (education|inclusion]] policies all across the entire federal government, and indeed the private sector, and our military. And our country will be [[w:Woke|woke]] no longer. ~ [[Donald Trump]]]]
[[File:The White House - 54366787332.jpg|thumb|We need [[w:Greenland|Greenland]] for national security and even international security. And we're working with everybody involved to try and get it. &lt;br /&gt; But we need it really for international world security. And I think we're going to get it. One way or the other, we're going to get it. ~ [[Donald Trump]]]]

* America is back.&lt;br /&gt; Six weeks ago, I stood beneath the dome of this Capitol and proclaimed the dawn of the golden age of America. From that moment on, it has been nothing but swift and unrelenting action to usher in the greatest and most successful era in the history of our country. &lt;br /&gt; We have accomplished more in 43 days than most administrations accomplished in four years, or eight years, and we are just getting started.

* The American dream is unstoppable, and our country is on the verge of a comeback the likes of which the world has never witnessed and perhaps will never witness again. There's never been anything like it. &lt;br /&gt; The presidential election of November 5 was a mandate like has not been seen in many decades. We won all seven swing states, giving us an electoral college victory of 312 votes.

* Over the past six weeks, I have signed nearly 100 executive orders and taken more than 400 executive actions — a record — to restore common sense, safety, optimism and wealth all across our wonderful land. The people elected me to do the job, and I'm doing it.

* In fact, it has been stated by many that the first month of our presidency — it's our presidency — is the most successful in the history of our nation. And what makes it even more impressive is that, do you know No. 2 is? [[George Washington]]. How about that? I don't know about that list. But we'll take it.

* Within hours of taking the oath of office, I declared a national emergency on our southern border, and I deployed the US military and border patrol to repel the invasion of our country. And what a job they've done. As a result, illegal border crossings last month were by far the lowest ever recorded. Ever.&lt;br /&gt; They heard my words and they chose not to come — much easier that way. In comparison, under Joe Biden, the worst president in American history, there were hundreds of thousands of illegal crossings a month, and virtually all of them, including murderers, drug dealers, gang members and people from mental institutions and insane asylums, were released into our country. Who would want to do that?

* Every day, my administration is fighting to deliver the change America needs, to bring a future that America deserves, and we're doing it. This is a time for big dreams and bold action. Upon taking office, I imposed an immediate freeze on all federal hiring, a freeze on all new federal regulations and a freeze on all foreign aid. &lt;br /&gt; I terminated the ridiculous green new scam. I withdrew from the unfair Paris Climate Accord, which was costing us trillions of dollars that other countries were not paying. I withdrew from the corrupt World Health Organization. And I also withdrew from the anti-American UN Human Rights Council.

* We ordered all federal workers to return to the office. They will either show up for work in person or be removed from their job. &lt;br /&gt; And we've ended weaponized government, where, as an example, a sitting president is allowed to viciously prosecute his political opponent, like me. How did that work out? Not too good. Not too good.

* I've stopped all [[government]] [[censorship]] and brought back [[free speech]] in America. It's back. &lt;br /&gt; And two days ago, I signed an order making [[English language|English]] the official [[language]] of the [[United States of America]]. &lt;br /&gt; I renamed the [[w:Gulf of Mexico|Gulf of Mexico]] the Gulf of America. And likewise, I renamed, for a great president, [[William McKinley]], [[w:Denali|Mount McKinley]], again. Beautiful [[Alaska]], we love Alaska. &lt;br /&gt; We've ended the [[tyranny]] of so-called [[diversity]], [[equity]] and [[w:Inclusion (education|inclusion]] policies all across the entire federal government, and indeed the private sector, and our military. And our country will be [[w:Woke|woke]] no longer.

* To further combat inflation, we will not only be reducing the cost of energy, but will be ending the flagrant waste of taxpayer dollars. &lt;br /&gt; And to that end, I have created the brand-new Department of Government Efficiency, DOGE. Perhaps you've heard of it. Perhaps. &lt;br /&gt; Which is headed by [[Elon Musk]], who is in the gallery tonight. Thank you Elon, you're working very hard. He didn't need this. He didn't need this. Thank you very much. We appreciate it. &lt;br /&gt; Everybody here, even this side, appreciates it, I believe. They just don't want to admit that.

* I want to do what has not been done in 24 years: balance the federal budget — we're going to balance it. &lt;br /&gt; With that goal in mind, we have developed in great detail what we are calling the gold card, which goes on sale very, very soon. For $5 million we will allow the most successful, job-creating people from all over the world to buy a path to US citizenship. It's like the green card, but better and more sophisticated.

* We're getting wokeness out of our schools and out of our military, and it's already out, and it's out of our society. We don't want it. Wokeness is troubled. Wokeness is bad. It's gone. It's gone. And we feel so much better for it, don't we? Don't we feel better?

* To further enhance our national security, my administration will be reclaiming the Panama Canal, and we've already started doing it. &lt;br /&gt; Just today, a large American company announced they are buying both ports around the Panama Canal and lots of other things having to do with the Panama Canal and a couple of other canals.

* I also have a message tonight for the incredible people of [[w:Greenland|Greenland]]. We strongly support your right to determine your own future. And if you choose, we welcome you into the United States of America. We need Greenland for national security and even international security. And we're working with everybody involved to try and get it. &lt;br /&gt; But we need it really for international world security. And I think we're going to get it. One way or the other, we're going to get it. We will keep you safe. We will make you rich, and together we will take Greenland to heights like you have never thought possible before. It's a very small population, but a very, very large piece of land and very, very important for military security.

* Earlier today, I received an important letter from President Zelensky of Ukraine. The letter reads, &quot;Ukraine is ready to come to the negotiating table as soon as possible to bring lasting peace closer.&quot; &quot;Nobody wants peace more than the Ukrainians,&quot; he said. &quot;My team and I stand ready to work under President Trump's strong leadership to get a peace that lasts. We do really value how much America has done to help Ukraine maintain its sovereignty and independence. Regarding the agreement on minerals and security, Ukraine is ready to sign it at any time that is convenient for you.&quot; &lt;br /&gt; I appreciate that he sent this letter, just got it a little while ago. Simultaneously, we've had serious discussions with Russia and have received strong signals that they are ready for peace. Wouldn't that be beautiful? Wouldn't that be beautiful?

* Now it is our time to take up the righteous cause of American liberty. And it is our turn to take America's destiny into our own hands and begin the most thrilling days in the history of our country. &lt;br /&gt; This will be our greatest era. With God's help over the next four years, we are going to lead this nation even higher. &lt;br /&gt; And we are going to forge the freest, most advanced, most dynamic and most dominant civilization ever to exist on the face of this Earth. &lt;br /&gt; We are going to create the highest quality of life, build the safest and wealthiest and healthiest and most vital communities anywhere in the world. &lt;br /&gt; We are going to conquer the vast frontiers of science, and we are going to lead humanity into space and plant the American flag on the planet Mars, and even far beyond. &lt;br /&gt; And through it all, we are going to rediscover the unstoppable power of the American spirit. And we are going to renew unlimited promise of the American dream. Every single day we will stand up and we will fight, fight, fight for the country our citizens believe in, and for the country our people deserve. &lt;br /&gt; My fellow Americans, get ready for an incredible future because the golden age of America has only just begun. &lt;br /&gt; It will be like nothing that has ever been seen before.

==== April 2025 ====

* Since Trump’s inauguration, something in the American psyche has ruptured. The comforting fictions we were raised on—the permanence of democracy, the inevitability of progress, the moral arc bending obediently toward justice—have begun to decay in the open air. And as the facade crumbles, many find themselves in the throes of a bitter realization: that democracy, like any living thing, must be tended, and we—distracted, sedated, entertained into stupor—have neglected the garden.&lt;br&gt;But for some of us, this is not an awakening. It’s confirmation. The slow creep of authoritarian rot has long been visible to those unwilling to mistake noise for substance. We’ve seen it metastasize in school board meetings, in voter suppression bills dressed up as “security,” in pundits who speak in slogans and legislate in spite. This isn’t a glitch in the system—it is the system, finally baring its teeth.&lt;br&gt;American fascism doesn’t arrive with marching boots and armbands. It comes wearing a flag pin and smiling through lies. It speaks the language of liberty while gutting its meaning, builds walls while preaching unity, demands law and order while desecrating both. Its genius lies in its banality—it doesn’t shock, it numbs. It doesn’t seize power all at once; it convinces you to hand it over piece by piece, until all that’s left is the echo of your own consent.
** Oliver Kornetzke, [https://mountainindivisible.org/news/2025/04/23/we-have-failed-to-tend-the-garden/&quot;We have failed to tend the garden&quot;], originally posted (and since removed) on Facebook), reposted by ''Mountain Indivisible'', 23 April 2025

* And yet, even now, something resists. The illusion is fracturing. The machine groans. Some of those once entranced by the spectacle are blinking their way back to awareness. The slogans ring hollow. The outrage feels manufactured. The enemy-of-the-week carousel begins to look more like a grift than a gospel.&lt;br&gt;To those beginning to see it—whether with regret, disbelief, or shame—there is no need to grovel. There is no moral utility in self-flagellation. Simply step in. Join the ranks of those who refuse to be further weaponized against their own future. Redemption, in this case, is not spiritual—it’s civic.&lt;br&gt;But understand this: the middle ground is gone. It’s not that nuance is dead; it’s that the stakes have outgrown equivocation. This is not about partisan preference. It is about whether the society we pass on values truth or convenience, solidarity or submission.&lt;br&gt;Despair, seductive though it is, must be treated like any other form of propaganda: with suspicion. It flatters the ego while paralyzing the will. It tells you that caring is futile, that resistance is symbolic, that apathy is sophistication. But despair is not wisdom—it is surrender dressed in intellect’s clothing.
** Oliver Kornetzke, [https://mountainindivisible.org/news/2025/04/23/we-have-failed-to-tend-the-garden/&quot;We have failed to tend the garden&quot;], originally posted (and since removed) on Facebook), reposted by ''Mountain Indivisible'', 23 April 2025

* So yes—feel the rage. Let it bloom. But refine it. Make it do work. The answer to this moment is not retreat, and it is certainly not moderation disguised as maturity. The answer is engagement—real, sustained, imperfect engagement. The kind that builds something worth defending.&lt;br&gt;Because no one is coming to save us. There is no parent, no party, no perfectly articulated policy that will reverse this decline on its own. There’s only us—flawed, fatigued, infuriated, but still tethered to a vision of something better. Still capable of defiance. Still able to remember who we are.&lt;br&gt;And here is what must be remembered: this unraveling is not ordained. It is not gravity. It is not some immutable law of nature dragging us toward darkness. It is permissioned—enabled by what we tolerate, fueled by what we ignore, and shaped entirely by what we allow. History is not written in stone. It is etched moment by moment by human hands—hands that can just as easily build as they can destroy.&lt;br&gt;We forget sometimes that there is no “they” without us. The enforcers of tyranny have neighbors. Families. Old friends. Someone taught them to ride a bike, to read, to pray. Someone loved them. And someone, still, might reach them.
** Oliver Kornetzke, [https://mountainindivisible.org/news/2025/04/23/we-have-failed-to-tend-the-garden/&quot;We have failed to tend the garden&quot;], originally posted (and since removed) on Facebook), reposted by ''Mountain Indivisible'', 23 April 2025

* This is how we change the course—not with brute force, but with brave conversation. Not by outgunning, but by outlasting. By planting the seeds of doubt where loyalty once lived. By offering an outstretched hand in place of a clenched fist. By refusing to see each other as lost causes.&lt;br&gt;Violence is not the only language of resistance. Our refusal—clear, calm, unyielding, nonviolent —is itself a form of rebellion. Every time we persuade instead of punish, every time we refuse to dehumanize even those who’ve lost their way, we reclaim a piece of the world we want to live in.&lt;br&gt;Because at the end of it all, we are bound to each other—whether we like it or not. There is no exit from the shared human condition. Someone always knows someone. Someone always has a choice. And sometimes, all it takes is one defector in the right place, one refusal at the right moment, one person willing to say “no”—and mean it—for the whole damn machine to grind to a halt.&lt;br&gt;So remember: this isn’t hopeless, unless we make it so. This isn’t fate, unless we accept it as such. This is ours. This is still ours.&lt;br&gt;And when they ask what we did while the fire was rising, we will say: we remembered our humanity.&lt;br&gt;We remembered each other.&lt;br&gt;And we stood—together.
** Oliver Kornetzke, [https://mountainindivisible.org/news/2025/04/23/we-have-failed-to-tend-the-garden/&quot;We have failed to tend the garden&quot;], originally posted (and since removed) on Facebook), reposted by ''Mountain Indivisible'', 23 April 2025

==== June 2025 ====

* '''Terry Gross''': &quot;Are you playing any official or unofficial role on Harvard's legal strategy or decision-making?&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''Noah Feldman''': &quot;No. The university follows a good policy of creating a wall between its lawyers who represent it and its law faculty who have lots of ideas about how it should be represented. So my primary role is as a constitutional scholar, analyzing the issues, writing about them, speaking about them. And that's the right job for me in this moment.&quot;
** [[Noah Feldman]] in an interview with Terry Gross on 3 June 2025, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/04/nx-s1-5422325/trumps-billion-dollar-war-on-harvard-explained/&quot;Trump's billion-dollar war on Harvard, explained&quot;], NPR, 4 June 2025

* A year ago, Harvard's commencement, our graduation, was really, in a significant way, disrupted by students protesting, including some faculty protesting, marching out of the graduation, speakers denouncing the president and the corporation of Harvard, which is what we call our board of directors. This year, commencement was pretty much the polar opposite. There was literally a standing ovation for our president, Alan Garber, when all he had done was come up to the podium. And speaker after speaker hinted at the importance of supporting the university. So what's happened is that Donald Trump's assault on the university has led to a deep unification of the campus. And that's an important transformation from a year ago. I would say it's a fundamental transformation.
** [[Noah Feldman]], Felix Frankfurter Professor of Law at Harvard University &amp; founding director of the University's Julis-Rabinowitz Program on Jewish and Israeli Law, in an interview with Terry Gross on 3 June 2025, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/04/nx-s1-5422325/trumps-billion-dollar-war-on-harvard-explained/&quot;Trump's billion-dollar war on Harvard, explained&quot;], NPR, 4 June 2025

* '''Terry Gross''': &quot;The attacks on Harvard started with the task force commissioned by Trump to address antisemitism on campus. And, you know, this has led to cancellation of billions of dollars in grants and contracts to Harvard. But didn't Harvard reach a settlement with Trump over antisemitism?&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''Noah Feldman''': &quot;No. Let me tell the story a little bit differently. I think, really, what we're facing now started with the testimony in Congress of Harvard's president and a couple of other university presidents in which they were pushed very hard on a series of hypothetical questions about how the campus manages free speech in the context of protests. That put a target on Harvard's back, and the Trump administration has been pushing very, very hard since they came into office to exploit the perception - in my view, the incorrect perception - that Harvard is some sort of hotbed of bias, antisemitism and Islamophobia in order to bring about a fundamental attack on higher education with the stated goal - this is their stated goal - of making the university align itself with the administration's beliefs and priorities, which is a clear violation of the First Amendment.&lt;br&gt;What's more, Harvard hasn't reached any settlement of any kind with the Trump administration. There was a lawsuit brought by a small number of students alleging that Harvard had not sufficiently protected the environment against antisemitism. And that was settled by the university before the Trump administration even came into office.&quot;
** [[Noah Feldman]] in an interview with Terry Gross on 3 June 2025, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/04/nx-s1-5422325/trumps-billion-dollar-war-on-harvard-explained/&quot;Trump's billion-dollar war on Harvard, explained&quot;], NPR, 4 June 2025

* '''Terry Gross''': One of Trump's justifications for canceling government contracts is that he accused Harvard as being a breeding ground - I'm quoting here - &quot;breeding ground for virtue signaling and discrimination.&quot; How do you interpret that?&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''[[Noah Feldman]]''': &quot;Well, first thing I would say is that it's wrong. You know, it's always hard to understand exactly what is meant when you're being maligned, but, you know, you know the feeling. You know the idea that even a dog knows the difference between being tripped over and being kicked? Well, that's someone kicking us. One piece of relevant background here is that Harvard was one of the parties in the Supreme Court case - the SFFA case - in which the Supreme Court, for the first time in nearly 50 years, overturned the idea that racial diversity was a permissible rationale to use in college admissions. And the Trump administration, in all of its rhetoric, has been referring, subsequently, to the perfectly lawful use of diversity as it existed from 1978 and really before then, until just, you know, a year or so ago as, quote-unquote, &quot;discrimination.&quot; I think that's the rhetorical move there.&lt;br&gt;And Harvard is no more a breeding ground for that point of view than all of the other universities in the country, essentially all, which used exactly the same admissions procedures. It's just that it's easier for Trump to make headlines by attacking Harvard over that.&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''Terry Gross''': &quot;That's probably part of the reason why many other universities are worried right now.&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''[[Noah Feldman]]''': &quot;There are a lot of reasons for universities to be concerned. If Trump can go after the oldest university in the United States, one of the most significant in terms of its endowment and its academic legacy and its prestige, then he can really go after any similar university. And so all universities, I think, have very, very good reason to be concerned because going after a university is one of the things in the playbook of someone who's trying to erode democratic values and who wants to be at least dictatorial, if not a dictator.&lt;br&gt;Universities are a place for the preservation of free expression, free ideas and free beliefs. They've always been that. And so in any country where someone is trying to break that norm of freedom, the universities are a very important target, and that's been true historically.&quot;
** [[Noah Feldman]] in an interview with Terry Gross on 3 June 2025, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/04/nx-s1-5422325/trumps-billion-dollar-war-on-harvard-explained/&quot;Trump's billion-dollar war on Harvard, explained&quot;], NPR, 4 June 2025

* '''Terry Gross''': &quot;So what do you think Trump's attacks on Harvard are really about?&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''[[Noah Feldman]]''': &quot;Donald Trump usually has a kind of short-term self-interest objective and then a broader-term aggrandizement objective. In the short term, his self-interest is to make a headline, to make a populist headline that says, Donald Trump is going after those liberals at Harvard University, which might please some of his supporters and, probably more important to Donald Trump, is intended to shed fear or to cast fear on everyone in higher education and, more broadly, everyone who doesn't agree with his policies. You know, it's part of the idea that every day we should wake up and listen to the radio or look at the newspaper and discover that the Trump administration has gone after some opponent in some way that makes it really hard to stand up to Donald Trump. So I think that's the short-term objective.&lt;br&gt;The longer-term objective, though, is part of Trump's overall assault on our democratic values and institutions. And you can see that the institutions that he likes to go after are places like universities, institutions like the press and the courts, which are institutions that are all devoted to independent judgment and independent thinking. '''We need independent universities. We need an independent press. And, of course, we need independent courts. And Trump doesn't like independence because independent institutions can say no to him. And the more he can weaken the independence of those institutions, the more he can make his agenda the dominant agenda. And ultimately, this is about Trump trying to impose his view of the world on everybody else.'''&quot;
** [[Noah Feldman]] in an interview with Terry Gross on 3 June 2025, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/04/nx-s1-5422325/trumps-billion-dollar-war-on-harvard-explained/&quot;Trump's billion-dollar war on Harvard, explained&quot;], NPR, 4 June 2025

* The White House has officially declared that June will no longer be LGBT-Pride Month. This comes as GOP leaders in Congress head in the same direction and more companies back away from pushing rainbow flags and other LGBT-themed items in retail stores. White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt told reporters Tuesday the White House has &quot;no plans&quot; to issue a proclamation recognizing June as Pride Month. &quot;There are no plans for a proclamation for the month of June,&quot; Leavitt said, &quot;but I can tell you this president is very proud to be a president for all Americans, regardless of race, religion, or creed.&quot;&lt;br&gt;Meanwhile, the U.S. Department of Education published a new report Monday declaring that June will now be recognized as &quot;Title IX&quot; Month, in honor of the 53rd anniversary of Title IX of the Educational Amendments (1972) being signed into law. &quot;June will now be dedicated to commemorating women and celebrating their struggle for, and achievement of, equal educational opportunity. Throughout the month, the Department will highlight actions taken to reverse the Biden Administration's legacy of undermining Title IX and announce additional actions to protect women in line with the true purpose of Title IX,&quot; the declaration reads.&lt;br&gt;GOP lawmakers have plans to go a step further, announcing a resolution that will declare June as &quot;Family Month,&quot; the Daily Wire first reported. Congresswoman Mary Miller (R-IL) introduced the resolution that points out the foundational importance of the nuclear family in building a strong nation while at the same time condemning Pride Month as &quot;perverse&quot; celebrations that &quot;denigrate the nuclear family.&quot;
** Talia Wise, [https://cbn.com/news/politics/trump-admin-declares-june-no-longer-pride-month-retail-stores-backtrack-lgbt-displays/&quot;Trump Admin Declares June Is No Longer 'Pride Month', Retail Stores Backtrack on LGBT Displays&quot;], Christian Broadcasting Network, 4 June 2025

* In 1999, former President Bill Clinton named June &quot;Gay and Lesbian Month.&quot; A decade later, then-President Barack Obama expanded it by including bisexual and transgender people and renamed it &quot;LGBT Pride Month.&quot; In 2021, the Biden administration further expanded the observance to include Queers – dubbing the observance  &quot;LGBTQ+ Pride Month.&quot;&lt;br&gt;During his first term, President Trump declined to issue a proclamation for Pride Month but instead became the first Republican president to shine a light on his administration's effort to decriminalize homosexuality worldwide, The Hill reports. &quot;As we celebrate LGBT Pride Month and recognize the outstanding contributions LGBT people have made to our great Nation, let us also stand in solidarity with the many LGBT people who live in dozens of countries worldwide that punish, imprison, or even execute individuals on the basis of their sexual orientation,&quot; Trump wrote on the social platform X, then Twitter, in 2019. &quot;My Administration has launched a global campaign to decriminalize homosexuality and invite all nations to join us in this effort!&quot; During his second term, the president has taken a more aggressive approach in pushing back against gender ideology as transgender issues have dominated headlines regarding public schools, women's sports, and parental rights.
** Talia Wise, [https://cbn.com/news/politics/trump-admin-declares-june-no-longer-pride-month-retail-stores-backtrack-lgbt-displays/&quot;Trump Admin Declares June Is No Longer 'Pride Month', Retail Stores Backtrack on LGBT Displays&quot;], Christian Broadcasting Network, 4 June 2025

* As CBN News reported, within the first 10 days of office, Trump declared, &quot;There are only two genders: male and female,&quot; and signed an executive order titled &quot;Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government.&quot; The executive order outlined that &quot;radical gender ideology has devastated biological truth and women's safety and opportunity,&quot; and will protect Americans' First Amendment and statutory rights to recognize the biological and binary nature of sex. &quot;Men and women are equal but have obvious sexual differences,&quot; it reads. &quot;If federal policies promote such an obvious falsehood that men can become women, the government will forfeit all credibility. The government must maintain a commitment to recognizing biological reality to maintain the trust of the American people.&quot;
** Talia Wise, [https://cbn.com/news/politics/trump-admin-declares-june-no-longer-pride-month-retail-stores-backtrack-lgbt-displays/&quot;Trump Admin Declares June Is No Longer 'Pride Month', Retail Stores Backtrack on LGBT Displays&quot;], Christian Broadcasting Network, 4 June 2025

* Early moves by the administration to roll back DEI initiatives in the federal government were followed by retailers shutting down DEI programs — an optional decision. This year, many retail chains and major brands have remained fairly quiet about promoting LGBT-related campaigns at the start of the month of June. According to a survey of more than 200 corporate executives conducted by Gravity Research, 39% of companies report scaling back their Pride Month engagements this year. Retailers, like Target and Bud Light, say boycotts and protests by conservatives from major outlets and companies are finally being felt in the bottom line. As CBN News reported, Target lost $9 billion in one week in 2023 after it began advertising gay pride products, including items for transgender women, in early May. &quot;It's clear that the administration and their supporters are driving the change,&quot; Luke Hartig, the president of Gravity Research, told CNN. &quot;Companies are under increasing pressure not to engage and speak out on issues.&quot; Target appears to be taking a different approach this year by launching fewer LGBT &quot;inclusive&quot; products in &quot;select stores.&quot;
** Talia Wise, [https://cbn.com/news/politics/trump-admin-declares-june-no-longer-pride-month-retail-stores-backtrack-lgbt-displays/&quot;Trump Admin Declares June Is No Longer 'Pride Month', Retail Stores Backtrack on LGBT Displays&quot;], Christian Broadcasting Network, 4 June 2025

* WASHINGTON − Progressive firebrand Sen. Bernie Sanders said he believes President Donald Trump is “moving this country rapidly into authoritarianism&quot; after Trump deployed 2,000 National Guard troops to help quell immigration protests in Los Angeles.  “This guy wants all of the power. He does not believe in the Constitution. He does not believe in the rule of law. My understanding is that the governor of California, the mayor of the city of Los Angeles did not request the National Guard, but he thinks he has a right to do anything he wants,” Sanders, a Vermont independent, told CNN’s Dana Bash on “State of the Union.”
** Sudiksha Kochi, [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/06/08/bernie-sanders-trump-authoritarianism-la-protests/84102772007/&quot;Bernie Sanders: Trump moving US 'into authoritarianism' after troops sent to LA&quot;], ''USA Today'', 8 June 2025

* The protests come as the Trump administration has taken stronger actions to arrest and deport undocumented immigrants. Demonstrators allege the administration's immigration enforcement has violated civil and human rights. Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt said in a statement on June 7 that Trump signed a memo deploying the guardsmen “to address the lawlessness that has been allowed to fester.” Both California Democratic Gov. Gavin Newsom and Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass, however, have criticized the move, saying it would only escalate tensions in the area. “I would say that to a large degree, the future of this country rests with a small number of Republicans in the House and Senate who know better, who do know what the Constitution is about, and it’s high time they stood up for our Constitution and the rule of law,” Sanders said.
** Sudiksha Kochi, [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/06/08/bernie-sanders-trump-authoritarianism-la-protests/84102772007/&quot;Bernie Sanders: Trump moving US 'into authoritarianism' after troops sent to LA&quot;], ''USA Today'', 8 June 2025

* '''This is about authoritarian tendencies. This is about command and control. This is about power. This is about ego. This is a consistent pattern.'''
** [[Gavin Newsom]], Governor of California, in a comment to MSNBC on 8 June 2025, as quoted in by Kyle Cheney &amp; Josh Gerstein, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/06/09/trump-national-guard-deployment-legal-00394387/&quot;Trump’s troop deployment is a warning sign for what comes next, legal scholars fear&quot;], ''Politico'', 9 June 2025

* President Donald Trump’s deployment of 2,000 National Guard troops to Los Angeles is stretching the legal limits of how the military can be used to enforce domestic laws on American streets, constitutional law experts say. Trump, for now, has given the troops a limited mission: protecting federal immigration agents and buildings amid a wave of street protests against the administration’s mass deportation policies. To justify the deployment, Trump cited a provision of federal law that allows the president to use the National Guard to quell domestic unrest.&lt;br&gt;But Trump’s stated rationale, legal scholars say, appears to be a flimsy and even contrived basis for such a rare and dramatic step. The real purpose, they worry, may be to amass more power over blue states that have resisted Trump’s deportation agenda. And the effect, whether intentional or not, may be to inflame the tension in L.A., potentially leading to a vicious cycle in which Trump calls up even more troops or broadens their mission. “It does appear to be largely pretextual, or at least motivated more by politics than on-the-ground need,” said Chris Mirasolo, a national security law professor at the University of Houston.
** Kyle Cheney &amp; Josh Gerstein, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/06/09/trump-national-guard-deployment-legal-00394387/&quot;Trump’s troop deployment is a warning sign for what comes next, legal scholars fear&quot;], ''Politico'', 9 June 2025

* At issue is the president’s authority to deploy the military for domestic purposes. A federal law, the Posse Comitatus Act of 1878, generally bars the president from using federal troops — the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force or Space Force — to enforce domestic laws. But there are exceptional circumstances when the president can use troops domestically. The most prominent exception is the Insurrection Act, which authorizes the president to deploy the military to suppress insurrections, “domestic violence” or conspiracies that undermine constitutional rights or federal laws. At the end of Trump’s first term, some of his most ardent supporters urged and expected him to invoke the Insurrection Act to push aside state election authorities and essentially void the 2020 presidential election results, although he never did so. During his 2024 campaign, he said he would invoke the act to subdue unrest if reelected.&lt;br&gt;But so far, Trump has not invoked the Insurrection Act. Instead, in a Saturday order, he cited a different statutory provision: a terse section of the U.S. code that allows the president to use the National Guard — but not any other military forces — to suppress the “danger of a rebellion” or to “execute” federal laws when “regular forces” are unable to do so. Notably, his order did not outright declare the unrest in L.A. to be a “rebellion,” but suggested it was moving in that direction.&lt;br&gt;“To the extent that protests or acts of violence directly inhibit the execution of the laws, they constitute a form of rebellion against the authority of the Government of the United States,” the order said.
** Kyle Cheney &amp; Josh Gerstein, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/06/09/trump-national-guard-deployment-legal-00394387/&quot;Trump’s troop deployment is a warning sign for what comes next, legal scholars fear&quot;], ''Politico'', 9 June 2025

* California authorities and Trump critics say that local law enforcement was effectively managing the L.A. protests. And despite the National Guard’s purportedly defensive role of protecting federal property and personnel, some experts see the deployment as throwing a lit match into a tinderbox. If the troops are drawn into violent confrontations, Trump might use the clashes as justification for invoking the Insurrection Act, which would pave the way for active-duty military forces to take more aggressive actions to subdue protesters and engage in law enforcement. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth on Saturday said Marines could be mobilized to L.A. if unrest continues, writing in a post on X that the troops “are on high alert.”&lt;br&gt;“The laws in this area are somewhat unsettled and untested,” said Rosa Brooks, a Georgetown University law professor who served as a counselor to the undersecretary of defense for policy under President Barack Obama. “Federalizing Guard troops in this situation — and raising the specter of also sending in active duty military personnel — is a political stunt, and a dangerous one.”&lt;br&gt;Experts are also eyeing whether the Guard members accompany immigration authorities when they venture away from federal buildings — a move that could signal a willingness to use troops to actively aid immigration enforcement, rather than simply protect agents from protesters.
** Kyle Cheney &amp; Josh Gerstein, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/06/09/trump-national-guard-deployment-legal-00394387/&quot;Trump’s troop deployment is a warning sign for what comes next, legal scholars fear&quot;], ''Politico'', 9 June 2025

* Trump is not the first president to deploy the military over a governor’s objection. But it’s the first time since 1965, when President Lyndon Johnson ordered troops to protect civil rights protesters in Alabama. President Dwight Eisenhower similarly overrode objections from Arkansas’ governor, deploying troops to help enforce the desegregation of public schools. When presidents view state and local authorities as being ineffective or recalcitrant, those steps may be justified, some experts say. “Usually the President calls out the troops with the cooperation of the governor, which happened in LA itself during the Rodney King riots,” said John Yoo, a legal counselor to President George W. Bush. “But there have been times when governors have been tragically slow, as during Hurricane Katrina, or actually resistant to federal policy, as with desegregation, or, arguably, in this case. “Trump, when speaking about the decision with reporters Sunday, said he warned Newsom a few days earlier of the possibility. “I did call him the other night,” Trump said. “I said you’ve got to take care of this, otherwise I’m sending in the troops.”&lt;br&gt;Newsom has railed against Trump’s unilateral action, saying it will inflame rather than ease tensions on the streets and that state and local law enforcement were appropriately responding to the unrest outside federal buildings. Newsom got backup from Democratic governors across the country, who signed a letter calling Trump’s National Guard deployment an “alarming abuse of power.”&lt;br&gt;“The military appears to be clashing with protesters in the streets of our country. That’s not supposed to happen,” said Elizabeth Goitein, a national security law expert at New York University’s Brennan Center. “It’s such a dangerous situation. It’s dangerous for liberty. It’s dangerous for democracy.”
** Kyle Cheney &amp; Josh Gerstein, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/06/09/trump-national-guard-deployment-legal-00394387/&quot;Trump’s troop deployment is a warning sign for what comes next, legal scholars fear&quot;], ''Politico'', 9 June 2025

* A purported member of the U.S. Army openly joined the protests against Immigration and Customs Enforcement in Dallas and has called on others in the military to &quot;resist evil.&quot; ''Newsweek'' has contacted the Pentagon for comment via email.It comes as protests that erupted in Los Angeles over immigration enforcement raids that prompted President Donald Trump to mobilize National Guard troops and Marines have begun to spread to other cities nationwide, including Dallas, Chicago and New York. Many have been peaceful, but some have resulted in clashes with law enforcement as officers made arrests and used chemical irritants to disperse crowds. The Trump administration has said it would continue its program of raids and deportations despite the protests.
** Shane Croucher, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/military-member-joins-anti-ice-protest-tells-trump-we-are-not-pawns/&quot;Military member joins anti-ICE protest, tells Trump: &quot;We are not pawns&quot;&quot;], ''Newsweek'', 11 June 2025

* &quot;We are not pawns for [President] Donald Trump,&quot; said the uniformed woman in an unverified video posted to social media by the leftist activist channel BreakThrough News. ''Newsweek'' could not independently verify the veracity of the video and has contacted BreakThrough News for clarification. The woman was not fully identified, but a patch that read &quot;Colado&quot; was on her chest where troops wear their last names. She said she had joined the protests after Trump deployed Marines to Los Angeles. &quot;Why now? It's because the military was called upon against the protesters. We, in our oath to serve, we serve the people of the United States, the Constitution,&quot; she said. &quot;These constitutional rights are being stripped and just denied. And the military will not be pawns to that.&quot; In the interview, the woman also called on &quot;the conscience of military members who served previously and now.&quot;&lt;br&gt;She said: &quot;We have a conscience, a mind and we have a duty and moral obligation to say no and resist evil.&quot; Trump has activated more than 4,000 National Guard members and 700 Marines in Los Angeles over the objections of city and state leaders. However, the Marines have not yet been spotted in the city and the Guard troops have had limited engagement with protesters, according to ''The Associated Press''.
** Shane Croucher, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/military-member-joins-anti-ice-protest-tells-trump-we-are-not-pawns/&quot;Military member joins anti-ICE protest, tells Trump: &quot;We are not pawns&quot;&quot;], ''Newsweek'', 11 June 2025

* California Governor Gavin Newsom said on CNN on Tuesday evening: '''&quot;California may be first, but it clearly will not end here. Other states are next. Democracy is next. Democracy is under assault before our eyes.&quot;'''
** Shane Croucher, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/military-member-joins-anti-ice-protest-tells-trump-we-are-not-pawns/&quot;Military member joins anti-ICE protest, tells Trump: &quot;We are not pawns&quot;&quot;], ''Newsweek'', 11 June 2025

* There was black smoke in my rearview mirror on the drive back, and I thought, ''Well, that ain’t good''. It wasn’t until I got home and turned on the local news that I found out it was Waymo driverless cars being burned. Five of them. When I turned on the national news after dark, that was pretty much all I saw: the black smoke and flaming carcasses of five empty cars owned by Google or something. Not the concerned citizens that showed up for their neighbors just to be greeted by flash grenades and rubber bullets. If you got all of your information from cable news, burning cars would be all you’d think happened.&lt;br&gt;Donald Trump called in the [[United States Marine Corps|Marines]] the next morning, and they drove in from Twentynine Palms. Right now the local news is doing a segment on Father’s Day gift ideas. The president thinks the situation is dangerous enough to require the military, but KTLA does not think it is important enough to preempt a piece on backgammon sets and coffee mugs repurposed from MLB game bats. They’re here now, I guess, 700 strong, and nobody seems to know what they’re going to do, or even where they’re going to stay or what they’re going to eat, because now we know that nobody budgeted for the lodging or meals of the 2,000 National Guard members who’ve been sent here, who woke up this morning on the cold stone floor of some federal building.
** David Holmes, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/i-was-at-the-l-a-protests-they-re-nothing-like-what-you-re-seeing-on-tv/&quot;I Was at the L.A. Protests. They’re Nothing Like What You’re Seeing on TV.&quot;], ''Esquire'', 11 June 2025

* The ICE activity we are protesting is allegedly being directed by White House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller. On Monday, The Wall Street Journal reported that Miller called a meeting of ICE officials last month and directed them to “just go out there and arrest illegal aliens.” Not to target “the worst of the worst,” as the president had indicated. Not even to target criminals or gang members at all. But to roll up to a Home Depot where day laborers gather. To post up outside of a grammar school graduation in a neighborhood with a high percentage of undocumented residents. Just go and grab them and pull them away from their homes and their babies and their lives. Just lock them up. Now that’s what they’re doing. That’s what we’re protesting. And if it turns out their papers actually are in order, which it has more than a few times, then tough shit.
** David Holmes, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/i-was-at-the-l-a-protests-they-re-nothing-like-what-you-re-seeing-on-tv/&quot;I Was at the L.A. Protests. They’re Nothing Like What You’re Seeing on TV.&quot;], ''Esquire'', 11 June 2025

* Los Angeles is crazy vast. Santa Monica High School is 12 miles from where I sit writing. If I left right now, I’d be there in an hour. But do you know what’s one half of one mile, one ten-minute walk away, from Santa Monica High School? The beach. A really nice, clean, and well-maintained beach, as a matter of fact. Miller could have been taking a surf lesson, eating some Dippin’ Dots, or watching a majestic sunset over the Pacific Ocean. Instead, he’s sneering to a crowd about his right as a white person to leave his mess behind for a brown person to clean up.&lt;br&gt;This behavior is rancid. This rancid behavior is motivated by a rancid worldview that is the kind of rancid you really don’t grow out of. This is rancid, and now it’s backed up by the United States government, and now the United States government has lined the United States military up against its own citizens. These raids are the acting out of that entitled and bigoted and absolutely rancid worldview. That’s what we’re protesting. And on the whole we’re doing it more peacefully than most groups of people who take to the streets after their city’s team wins or loses the Stanley Cup.&lt;br&gt;We do not need your help.
** David Holmes, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/i-was-at-the-l-a-protests-they-re-nothing-like-what-you-re-seeing-on-tv/&quot;I Was at the L.A. Protests. They’re Nothing Like What You’re Seeing on TV.&quot;], ''Esquire'', 11 June 2025

* Anyway, the Marines are here, and we’re all just kind of waiting. Around the corner and a world away. And I’m thinking of Barbara Kruger’s questions that hung above the protest I attended on Sunday. Who follows orders? Who salutes longest? Who dies first? Who laughs last?
** David Holmes, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/i-was-at-the-l-a-protests-they-re-nothing-like-what-you-re-seeing-on-tv/&quot;I Was at the L.A. Protests. They’re Nothing Like What You’re Seeing on TV.&quot;], ''Esquire'', 11 June 2025

* With President Donald Trump's deployment of 700 Marines to Los Angeles, Sen. Bernie Sanders took to the internet to offer his own thoughts. In a video posted to his X account, Sanders said the message he wishes to impart is not about the protests or the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement raids in the California city but something that affects all Americans everywhere. &quot;What's going on is all about Trump's never-ending desire for more and more power,&quot; Sanders said. The Vermont senator said that the 45th and 47th president is overriding the California governor's authority in order to consolidate more power with the U.S. military. Sanders also said that Trump is trying to wrest control from the judicial and legislative branch of government as well as stamp out universities' independence and private law offices. &quot;Now is the time for us to come together and stand against authoritarianism and for democracy,&quot; Sanders said.
** Rin Velasco, [https://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/story/news/2025/06/11/president-donald-trump-bernie-sanders-los-angeles-protests/84146227007/&quot;'Stand against authoritarianism' Bernie Sanders decries Trump deploying military in LA&quot;], ''Burlington Free Press'', 11 June 2025

* President Donald Trump on Thursday declared he doesn’t “feel like a king” after he was asked to address the protests planned across the country in the coming weekend to counter the expensive Washington, D.C., military parade scheduled for Saturday — his birthday and the U.S. Army’s 250th anniversary. “I don’t feel like a king,” Trump told reporters at the White House. “I have to go through hell to get stuff approved.” Trump cited the example of having to involve GOP leaders House Speaker Mike Johnson (La.) and Senate Majority Leader John Thune (S.D.) before signing a resolution passed by Congress to block California’s ban on the sale of new gas-powered cars from 2035.  “No, no. We’re not a king. We’re not a king at all,” Trump added.
** Marita Vlachou, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-reacts-to-no-kings-protests-with-a-hell-ish-whine/&quot;Trump Reacts To 'No Kings' Protests With A 'Hell'-ish Whine&quot;], ''HuffPost'', 13 June 2025

* The organizers of the “No Kings” protests said Saturday will mark “a nationwide day of defiance,” noting that they plan to deliver a strong message against authoritarianism. “We’re not gathering to feed his ego. We’re building a movement that leaves him behind. The flag doesn’t belong to President Trump. It belongs to us,” the event’s website states. “We’re showing up everywhere he isn’t — to say no thrones, no crowns, no kings.” “No Kings” protests are scheduled in 50 states and 1,500 cities across the country, but not in Washington. Organizers said they will host a flagship march and rally in Philadelphia. The protests come as the Trump administration’s immigration crackdown has caused uproar in Los Angeles and other cities, where demonstrators came out to protest the raids carried out by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents. In response, Trump authorized the deployment in California of the National Guard, against Gov. Gavin Newsom’s (D) wishes, and also of the U.S. Marines — a move Newsom warned would pour fuel on the fire.
** Marita Vlachou, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-reacts-to-no-kings-protests-with-a-hell-ish-whine/&quot;Trump Reacts To 'No Kings' Protests With A 'Hell'-ish Whine&quot;], ''HuffPost'', 13 June 2025

* Trump’s Saturday parade, which is expected to feature armored vehicles, thousands of soldiers and military aircraft, is estimated to cost taxpayers about $45 million — a price tag Republicans have had a hard time defending. Earlier this week, Trump had a warning for demonstrators planning to take to the streets in Washington this weekend. “If there’s any protest that wants to come out, they will be met with very big force, by the way,” he said. “And for those people that want to protest, they’re gonna be met with very big force.”
** Marita Vlachou, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-reacts-to-no-kings-protests-with-a-hell-ish-whine/&quot;Trump Reacts To 'No Kings' Protests With A 'Hell'-ish Whine&quot;], ''HuffPost'', 13 June 2025

* A part of a US national suicide prevention hotline that caters for LGBTQ young people says it will soon close, after the Trump administration cut its funding. The administration has accused the service of &quot;radical gender ideology&quot;. It says it will still fund the wider 988 Suicide &amp; Crisis Lifeline - of which the LGBTQ youth option is one part - and that all callers will receive &quot;compassion and help&quot;. The Trevor Project, an organisation that helped to run the LGBTQ option, said the decision would have a harmful impact on vulnerable young people. &quot;Suicide prevention is about people, not politics,&quot; said Jaymes Black, the organisation's CEO. He said his service had been told to close within 30 days.&lt;br&gt;&quot;The administration's decision to remove a bipartisan, evidence-based service that has effectively supported a high-risk group of young people through their darkest moments is incomprehensible,&quot; Mr Black added.&lt;br&gt;The decision comes during international Pride Month, which celebrates LGBTQ culture and history.
** Kayla Epstein, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cwyqlv7y31go/&quot;Trump ends funding for LGBTQ youth option on national suicide hotline&quot;], ''BBC News'', 19 June 2025

* The news also arrived ahead of a US Supreme Court decision on Tuesday that upheld the state of Tennessee's ban on transition-related healthcare for minors who identify as transgender. The general 988 Lifeline offers free mental health support via call, text, or chat. It is funded by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), a subsidiary of the US Health and Human Services Agency (HHS). Currently, LGBTQ young people can select option 3 from a call menu in order to connect with counsellors. After the changes, the remaining 988 Lifeline services would &quot;focus on serving all help seekers&quot;, including those who previously chose to access LGBTQ youth services, SAMHSA said. But the hotline would &quot;no longer silo LGB+ youth services&quot;, SAMHSA wrote in a statement, omitting the &quot;T&quot; and &quot;Q&quot; that refers to transgender and queer people in the LGBTQ acronym.
** Kayla Epstein, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cwyqlv7y31go/&quot;Trump ends funding for LGBTQ youth option on national suicide hotline&quot;], ''BBC News'', 19 June 2025

* Officials at HHS proposed cutting the 988 Lifeline's LGBTQ youth services last week. In a statement to NBC News at the time, an HHS spokesperson described the option as a &quot;chat service where children are encouraged to embrace radical gender ideology by 'counselors' without consent or knowledge of their parents&quot;. Legislation passed in 2020 by the US Congress required the 988 Lifeline to provide services and staff specifically for LGBTQ people as well as other at-risk groups like rural and Native Americans.&lt;br&gt;The legislation noted that LGBTQ youth were &quot;more than 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide than their peers, with 1 in 5 LGBTQ youth and more than 1 in 3 transgender youth reporting attempting suicide&quot;.&lt;br&gt;The law received bipartisan support - including from Donald Trump, who was then serving his first presidential term, and signed the bill into law.&lt;br&gt;According to the 988 Lifeline website, LGBTQ communities are &quot;disproportionately at risk for suicide and other mental health struggles due to historic and ongoing structural violence.&quot;&lt;br&gt;The Trevor Project began providing its services through the 988 Lifeline in 2022. In 2024, it served more than 231,000 crisis contacts, the organisation said in a statement. It says it will continue to provide its own independent services.
** Kayla Epstein, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cwyqlv7y31go/&quot;Trump ends funding for LGBTQ youth option on national suicide hotline&quot;], ''BBC News'', 19 June 2025

* The decision to eliminate the 988 Lifeline's designated LGBTQ youth option comes amid Trump's push to curtail services, support, and access for transgender people across the federal government. He has pushed to end diversity, equity, and inclusion policies (DEI) within the federal government, arguing that such programmes are themselves discriminatory. The president has also ordered the removal of transgender servicemembers from the US military and issued an executive order that the US would only recognise two sexes – male and female. The US Department of State also announced it would no longer allow applicants to choose &quot;X&quot; as their gender on US passports. Instead, transgender individuals must choose &quot;male&quot; or &quot;female&quot; corresponding to their sex assigned at birth.
** Kayla Epstein, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cwyqlv7y31go/&quot;Trump ends funding for LGBTQ youth option on national suicide hotline&quot;], ''BBC News'', 19 June 2025

* Last week, during a visit to the “South Loop” ICE facility (the Intensive Supervision Appearance Program office located at 2245 S. Michigan Avenue in Chicago) we were denied the ability to perform congressional oversight – as is our duty as members of the United States House of Representatives. During the visit to this facility, the ICE officer who refused to identify himself called the Chicago Police Department to evict us for “trespassing.” We are writing today to express deep concern regarding the lack of oversight of these facilities and their operations, and to request immediate and full access to ICE facilities for the purpose of investigating this activity further. This specific facility has been the site of very disturbing incidents that have shaken our community. On June 4, 2025, ICE officials detained at least 10 individuals after they were texted to demand they show up for a routine appointment1. It is unclear exactly how many people were taken, where they were taken to, and if they were given access to counsel – all of which we were hoping to learn through performing our oversight duties. We were denied those answers. We are writing to you today to demand access to this facility.
** [[Raja Krishnamoorthi]], U.S. Representative for the Illinois 8th Congressional District &amp; Jonathan Jackson, U.S. Representative for the Illinois 1st Congressional District, [https://krishnamoorthi.house.gov/sites/evo-subsites/krishnamoorthi.house.gov/files/evo-media-document/2025.06.23-dhs-letter-final%29.pdf/Letter to Kristi Noem], 23 June 2025

* Our request comes as the President has declared his intent to carry out the “single largest mass deportation program in history,” specifically naming the city of Chicago as a target, in addition to other Democratic-run cities. The President’s politically motivated actions are deeply troubling, particularly for communities like ours in Illinois that have already seen intensified enforcement activity in recent weeks. The administration must ensure that all individuals, regardless of immigration status, are treated with dignity and afforded due process – as that is the law. Yet the reality on the ground tells a different story. The President has repeatedly targeted Chicago, and we are now witnessing the consequences unfold in disturbing ways.&lt;br&gt;In Chicago, these facilities are the site of reports that allege rushed deportations, inadequate medical care, restricted legal access, and poor conditions. These are not isolated incidents—they point to broader systemic failures in enforcement and facility oversight.
** [[Raja Krishnamoorthi]], U.S. Representative for the Illinois 8th Congressional District &amp; Jonathan Jackson, U.S. Representative for the Illinois 1st Congressional District, [https://krishnamoorthi.house.gov/sites/evo-subsites/krishnamoorthi.house.gov/files/evo-media-document/2025.06.23-dhs-letter-final%29.pdf/Letter to Kristi Noem], 23 June 2025

* Some of the individuals lured to ICE facilities in Chicago were reportedly detained for several days under inhumane conditions. One of those detained, Ms. Gladis Yolanda Chavez Pineda—a longtime Chicago resident and respected community leader—described a harrowing experience. Her husband stated in an interview, “She has not had access to a shower. She has not had access to feminine hygiene products. She has not been able to change her clothes...They have no information of what’s happening. They don’t even have a clock.” After being moved to a jail in Kentucky, Pineda reported that “People are sleeping on concrete floors. Last Sunday, one mattress was given to a group of 20 mothers to share. In one of the facilities, only one bathroom is given to 20 or more individuals, with no partitions and privacy.” These reports reflect systemic issues in ICE’s enforcement strategies and facility management, not just in Illinois but across the country.
** [[Raja Krishnamoorthi]], U.S. Representative for the Illinois 8th Congressional District &amp; Jonathan Jackson, U.S. Representative for the Illinois 1st Congressional District, [https://krishnamoorthi.house.gov/sites/evo-subsites/krishnamoorthi.house.gov/files/evo-media-document/2025.06.23-dhs-letter-final%29.pdf/Letter to Kristi Noem], 23 June 2025

* The Pentagon has officially stripped the late gay civil rights leader Harvey Milk's name from a U.S. naval vessel, amid broader efforts by the Trump administration to erase what it describes as &quot;woke&quot; ideology from the public. The former USNS Harvey Milk is now called the USNS Oscar V. Peterson, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced in a video posted online Friday. &quot;We are taking the politics out of ship naming,&quot; Hegseth said. &quot;We're not renaming the ship to anything political. This is not about political activists, unlike the previous administration.&quot;&lt;br&gt;The ship is part of the John Lewis-class oilers, named after the famed civil rights activist and longtime congressman.&lt;br&gt;In 2016, then-Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus said ships in this class would be named after leaders in civil rights activism. That included paying homage to Milk, who was a Navy veteran and became the first openly gay person to serve in California politics when he was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. Milk was assassinated by a former board colleague in 1978, leaving behind a legacy of advocacy for gay rights. The ship's new namesake, Oscar V. Peterson, was a U.S. Navy chief petty officer who was killed in World War II and posthumously granted a Medal of Honor by Congress for bravery during the war.
** Alana Wise, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/27/nx-s1-5449053/harvey-milk-navy-ship-renamed-oscar-peterson/&quot;USNS Harvey Milk renamed amid Trump administration efforts to cut DEI&quot;], NPR, 27 June 2025

* Under Hegseth's guidance, the Navy is reviewing the names of several other ships named after women, Black and Hispanic people. Other Navy vessels under review include those named after Thurgood Marshall, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Harriet Tubman, Dolores Huerta, Cesar Chavez, Lucy Stone and Medgar Evers.
** Alana Wise, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/27/nx-s1-5449053/harvey-milk-navy-ship-renamed-oscar-peterson/&quot;USNS Harvey Milk renamed amid Trump administration efforts to cut DEI&quot;], NPR, 27 June 2025

==== July 2025 ====
* The Presidential Memorandum of January 12, 2017 (Promoting Diversity and Inclusion in Our National Parks, National Forests, and Other Public Lands and Waters)[https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/the-press-office/2017/01/12/presidential-memorandum-promoting-diversity-and-inclusion-our-national], is hereby revoked.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/07/making-america-beautiful-again-by-improving-our-national-parks/Executive Order: Making America Beautiful Again By Improving Our National Parks], 3 July 2025

*I've never been in a town or a political system that is so dominated by one individual. Usually, you're entering an ecosystem rather than the world of one personality. But he [Donald Trump] is a phenomenon. A unique politician.
**[[Peter Mandelson]] quoted in [https://www.forbes.com/sites/robertolsen-1/2025/07/13/britains-ambassador-says-trump-will-be-one-of-the-most-consequential-presidents-in-american-history/ &quot;Britain’s Ambassador Says Trump Will Be ‘One Of The Most Consequential Presidents In American History’&quot;], ''Forbes'' (Jul 13, 2025)

* The refusal by the Trump administration to release the files and videos amassed during investigations into the activities of the pedophile [[Jeffrey Epstein]], should put to rest the absurd idea, embraced by Trump supporters and gullible liberals, that Trump will dismantle the Deep State. Trump is part of, and has long been part of, the repugnant cabal of politicians – [[Democrat]] and [[Republican]] – [[billionaires]] and celebrities who look at us, and often underage girls and boys, as commodities to exploit for profit or pleasure.
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2025/07/13/chris-hedges-trump-epstein-and-the-deep-state/ Trump, Epstein and the Deep State]. Scheerpost. July 13, 2025.

==== August 2025 ====

* Behold. The festering carcass of American rot shoved into an ill-fitting suit: the sleaze of a conman, the cowardice of a draft dodger, the gluttony of a parasite, the racism of a Klansman, the sexism of a back-alley creep, the ignorance of a bar-stool drunk, and the greed of a hedge-fund ghoul—all spray-painted orange and paraded like a prize hog at a county fair.&lt;br&gt;Not a president. Not even a man. Just the diseased distillation of everything this country swears it isn’t but has always been—arrogance dressed up as exceptionalism, stupidity passed off as common sense, cruelty sold as toughness, greed exalted as ambition, and corruption worshiped like gospel.&lt;br&gt;It is America’s shadow made flesh, a rotting pumpkin idol proving that when a nation kneels before money, power, and spite, it doesn’t just lose its soul—it shits out this bloated obscenity and calls it a leader.
** Oliver Kornetzke, [https://www.thepoke.com/2025/09/27/this-vividly-insulting-description-of-donald-trump-is-the-most-brutal-summary-of-the-us-president-youll-ever-read/?callback=in&amp;code=NJDJM2E2MZYTMGJKNS0ZZMUXLWFIMJITZMRLNGFHMTFMYTY0&amp;state=8ee969016a444a30b9ef4685545bba10/&quot;This vividly insulting description of Donald Trump is the most brutal summary of the US president you’ll ever read&quot;], originally posted on Facebook on 18 August 2025, reposted by Michael White, ''The Poke'', 27 September 2025

* This weekend, we learned from the media that Donald Trump has been planning for quite a while now to deploy armed military personnel to the streets of Chicago. This is exactly the type of overreach that our country’s Founders warned against.
** [[JB Pritzker]], Governor of Illinois, in a statement on 25 August 2025, as quoted by Michael Luciano, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-declares-i-have-the-right-to-do-anything-i-want-because-i-m-the-president/&quot;Trump Declares, ‘I Have the Right To Do Anything I Want’ Because ‘I’m the President’&quot;], ''Mediaite'', 26 August 2025

* I have the right to do anything I wanna do. I’m the President of the United States. If I think our country’s in danger — and it is in danger in these cities — I can do it, no problem going in and solving, you know, his difficulties. But it would be nice if they’d call in and say, “Would you do it?” And we do it in conjunction. Now, we work very well with the police because we naturally get along with the police. So, the police and us work really well together, whether the mayor is opposed or whether– I mean, you have a really rotten mayor there, too. He’s got a six percent approval rating in Chicago.&lt;br&gt;And I see Black women wearing a red MAGA hat last night on television. “Please let the president come in. My son was attacked. My this–”. You have a force of Black women, Black Women. They’re like, “Only Trump.” They want Trump to come in.
** Donald Trump, statement on 26 August 2025, defending his repeated decision to federally-activate U.S. Army National Guard forces in California, Washington, D.C., and a planned activation in Illinois, all against the wishes of local/state officials. As quoted by Michael Luciano, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-declares-i-have-the-right-to-do-anything-i-want-because-i-m-the-president/&quot;Trump Declares, ‘I Have the Right To Do Anything I Want’ Because ‘I’m the President’&quot;], ''Mediaite'', 26 August 2025

* Since returning to office in January 2025, President Donald Trump has taken numerous actions that have alarmed international human rights observers: deporting immigrants without due process, holding detainees in inhumane, overcrowded conditions, and deploying both the National Guard and federal military troops to Los Angeles to quell largely peaceful protests. In recent weeks, National Guard troops have deployed to Washington, ostensibly to move unhoused citizens off the streets and to fight crime. Now, with Trump announcing that he will send the National Guard from conservative states to other left-leaning cities like Chicago and New York, fears are rising of an uptick in political violence and human rights violations.
** Charli Carpenter, professor of political science and legal studies at University of Massachusetts-Amherst, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/u-s-troops-are-obligated-to-disobey-unlawful-orders-would-they/&quot;U.S. Troops Are Obligated to Disobey Unlawful Orders. Would They?&quot;], ''World Politics Review'', 26 August 2025

* Even the troops themselves are questioning what they would do if asked to turn on their fellow Americans. According to new survey data from the Human Security Lab at UMass Amherst, which I direct, the vast majority of them recognize the duty to disobey an unlawful order and are able to imagine such scenarios. Whether they would actually disobey an order when push comes to shove, however, is a murkier question.&lt;br&gt;U.S. troops today face an ethical conundrum: they are trained to obey their commander-in-chief, but their oath is to the U.S. Constitution. And when asked if he must &quot;uphold the Constitution,&quot; Trump has replied, &quot;I don't know.&quot; Moreover, under the Uniform Code of Military Justice, service members have a duty to obey lawful orders, but under the U.S. Courts Martial Manual, they also have a duty to disobey unlawful orders-defined as those that clearly violate the U.S. Constitution, U.S. federal law, or international law like the Geneva Conventions. In these instances, following orders is not a defense: service members can be held individually liable for such crimes and prosecuted under the doctrine of individual responsibility.
** Charli Carpenter, professor of political science and legal studies at University of Massachusetts-Amherst, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/u-s-troops-are-obligated-to-disobey-unlawful-orders-would-they/&quot;U.S. Troops Are Obligated to Disobey Unlawful Orders. Would They?&quot;], ''World Politics Review'', 26 August 2025

* Many of Trump's orders are already being questioned as unconstitutional, and numerous international bodies have indicated that many of his actions violate seven decades of established international human rights standards; some may constitute crimes against humanity. Even the deployment of active-duty troops itself risks violating the Posse Comitatus Act prohibiting the use of federal troops for domestic law enforcement. Thus, U.S. troops are in a bind-and it's already affecting troop morale. Some troops are actively calling for Congress to protect service members who refuse to follow unlawful orders.
** Charli Carpenter, professor of political science and legal studies at University of Massachusetts-Amherst, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/u-s-troops-are-obligated-to-disobey-unlawful-orders-would-they/&quot;U.S. Troops Are Obligated to Disobey Unlawful Orders. Would They?&quot;], ''World Politics Review'', 26 August 2025

* How far is the military likely to go in resisting orders given by Trump? The answer depends a great deal on the individual service member and the context. Troops are taught to disobey orders to commit war crimes in the course of their duties, for example, but as legal historian Tom Dannenbaum points out, they have not typically had the right to question the terms of their deployments, even when those terms themselves-such as Russia's aggressive war against Ukraine-clearly violate international law. Thus, under existing customary law, it would be more likely for troops to conscientiously resist orders to commit atrocities than orders to deploy per se, even in violation of the Posse Comitatus Act.&lt;br&gt;Second, troops are not required to disobey every questionable order, allowing a muddled grey area that makes it unreasonable to think there would be 100 percent compliance with this doctrine. In legal terms, according to military historian Mark Osiel, the barometer for &quot;manifestly unlawful&quot; orders is whether the order is &quot;illegal on its face&quot; -that is, whether an ordinary person would know that what they are doing is wrong. This is reflected in the procedural rules for court martial. But social scientists predict men and women in uniform vary in how they understand the threshold for &quot;manifest unlawfulness&quot; because they can easily talk themselves into excusing actions based on contextual factors.
** Charli Carpenter, professor of political science and legal studies at University of Massachusetts-Amherst, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/u-s-troops-are-obligated-to-disobey-unlawful-orders-would-they/&quot;U.S. Troops Are Obligated to Disobey Unlawful Orders. Would They?&quot;], ''World Politics Review'', 26 August 2025

* In this context, it is notable that so many US troops are willing to state they would openly disobey orders such as detaining people inhumanely, starving civilians or shooting civilians. And research shows if even a minority is willing to stand up, it can matter. Criminologist Eva Whitehead researched conscientious disobedience during the Vietnam War and at the East German border during the Cold War: her work found that when some troops disobeyed, it was easier for others to follow suit.&lt;br&gt;Opposition to following unlawful orders is prevalent among U.S. troops. The question is whether it will make a difference when it counts. Uniformed personnel understand the concept of an order that is manifestly unlawful, and their own responsibility to disobey such an order. This won't entirely prevent harm, as some of those soldiers may still buckle under the weight of military hierarchy in a high-stress situation. But the willingness of so many service members to recognize unlawful orders, and their duty to disobey, highlights the moral agency of individuals and the enduring power of international legal standards, even in difficult and unprecedented times.
** Charli Carpenter, professor of political science and legal studies at University of Massachusetts-Amherst, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/u-s-troops-are-obligated-to-disobey-unlawful-orders-would-they/&quot;U.S. Troops Are Obligated to Disobey Unlawful Orders. Would They?&quot;], ''World Politics Review'', 26 August 2025

* The United States exists in a new-old universe. After nearly 250 years of democracy, it seems infected with totalitarianism, racial superiority, anti-communism and all the petrified theories advanced by another populist politician, Adolph Hitler. Donald Trump did say he would be a dictator on day one. History will be the judge, but things look rather bleak right now for the democracy side of the equation.
** Anonymous, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/channel/source/RNS/&quot;The degeneracy of Christian nationalism and the demolition of culture&quot;], ''Religion News Service'', 29 August 2025

* Take art and culture. During the 12 years of Hitler’s corruption of the concepts of law and order, he also attacked what we now call “creatives” and cultural institutions. The backlash against artistic Modernism had begun earlier in Germany’s Weimar era, but the Führer fully enforced his own ideas of what comprised art. He banned “degenerate art”: Bauhaus, Cubism, Dada, Expressionism, Fauvism, Impressionism and Surrealism. And the regime supported only official painters, sculptors, architects, writers and even actors.&lt;br&gt;Things are trending in the same direction in the 21st-century United States. Trump, having gotten himself elected chair of the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, has vowed to end “woke political programming” at Washington’s premier arts venue. As an example of what this means, the Kennedy Center hosted a screening this week of “The Revival Generation,” a documentary about a “nationwide campus revival movement” drawing Gen Z Americans. Billed as a “call to faith and a message of hope” that “(c)aptures a spiritual awakening among today’s youth,” the program included a one-hour worship service with “a local worship collective.”
** Anonymous, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/channel/source/RNS/&quot;The degeneracy of Christian nationalism and the demolition of culture&quot;], ''Religion News Service'', 29 August 2025

* Next Trump ordered a review of exhibits at the Smithsonian Museums that has sent curators scrambling to “fix” exhibits Mr. Trump finds too woke. The list of things needing repair at the National Museum of African American History and Culture, the National Portrait Gallery and the National Museum of the American Latino focuses on mentions of race, slavery, immigration and sexuality. The artwork that offends the curator-in-chief is not Cubism or Dadaism or Impressionism. Unlike Hitler, Trump has not put Picasso, Duchamp and Monet on the banned lists. Rather, it is Rigoberto Gonzalez’s extraordinary “Refugees Crossing the Border Wall into South Texas.” The list goes on. Some of it is, well, edgy. But it is not of the order of “Immersion (Piss Christ),” Andres Serrano’s 1987 photograph of a crucifix submerged in a container of his own urine. Despite an outcry from politicians who tried to defund its sponsors, the piece won an award in a competition partly sponsored by the National Endowment for the Arts. Ronald Reagan was president then.
** Anonymous, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/channel/source/RNS/&quot;The degeneracy of Christian nationalism and the demolition of culture&quot;], ''Religion News Service'', 29 August 2025

* If only Trump would confine his new strictures to art and culture, his populism would be an affront only to the pursuit of beauty. But they cross several lines, assaulting truth as well. As several mainline faith leaders and the U.S. Catholic bishops have pointed out, the derisive oppression of poor immigrants by members of the current administration is sickening. That some administration officials continue to publicly espouse Christian ethics is mind-boggling. Government spokespeople bend the truth and present an alternate reality. Then, there are the humorless bureaucrats who can change numbers to suit the master’s will. '''The administration is efficient and punctual, and its leader can do no wrong. The American republic is aiming for a head-on collision with democracy, and not incidentally is becoming an enigma, if not a laughingstock, to the rest of the free world. It has to stop.'''
** Anonymous, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/channel/source/RNS/&quot;The degeneracy of Christian nationalism and the demolition of culture&quot;], ''Religion News Service'', 29 August 2025

* Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem confirmed Sunday that the Trump administration plans to expand Immigration and Customs Enforcement operations in major cities, including Chicago. Asked about plans to expand ICE operations in Chicago specifically, Noem told CBS News’ “Face the Nation,” “We’ve already had ongoing operations with ICE in Chicago and throughout Illinois and other states, making sure that we’re upholding our laws, but we do intend to add more resources to those operations.” Asked about what an expansion of ICE operations would look like in Chicago and whether it would involve a mobilization of National Guard troops to assist with immigration raids and arrests, Noem demurred, saying, “That always is a prerogative of President [Donald] Trump and his decision. I won’t speak to the specifics of the operations that are planned in other cities.”&lt;br&gt;Her remarks come one day after Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson signed an executive order directing his city’s legal department to explore ways to counter a potential surge in federal law enforcement and National Guard troops to Illinois.&lt;br&gt;During a press conference Saturday, Johnson warned that Chicago officials had “received credible reports that we have days, not weeks, before our cities see some type of militarized activity by the federal government.”
** Alexandra Marquez, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/kristi-noem-confirms-plan-to-expand-ice-operations-in-major-cities/&quot;Kristi Noem confirms plan to expand ICE operations in major cities&quot;], NBC News, 31 August 2025

* Earlier this month, the Trump administration directed federal law enforcement officers, including those employed by ICE, to assist police in Washington, D.C., with crime-fighting operations. That surge of resources included thousands of National Guard troops who were deployed to the nation’s capital with the stated goal of lowering crime rates. Following the movement of troops and law enforcement officers to Washington, Trump threatened to send federal officers and troops to other major American cities, including Baltimore. Later in the Sunday interview, Noem was asked whether Boston would be one of the cities where the federal government would surge immigration enforcement agents.&lt;br&gt;“There’s a lot of cities that are dealing with crime and violence right now, and so we haven’t taken anything off the table,” she said, adding later: “I’d encourage every single big city — San Francisco, Boston, Chicago, whatever they are — if they want to help make their city safer, more prosperous, allow people the opportunity to walk in freedom like the people of Washington, D.C., are now ... they should call us.”
** Alexandra Marquez, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/kristi-noem-confirms-plan-to-expand-ice-operations-in-major-cities/&quot;Kristi Noem confirms plan to expand ICE operations in major cities&quot;], NBC News, 31 August 2025

* Other Democratic officials, including a group of over a dozen governors, have condemned plans to deploy troops to their states. In a statement last week, they said, “Whether it’s Illinois, Maryland and New York or another state tomorrow, the President’s threats and efforts to deploy a state’s National Guard without the request and consent of that state’s governor is an alarming abuse of power, ineffective, and undermines the mission of our service members.”
** Alexandra Marquez, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/kristi-noem-confirms-plan-to-expand-ice-operations-in-major-cities/&quot;Kristi Noem confirms plan to expand ICE operations in major cities&quot;], NBC News, 31 August 2025

* And in an interview that aired Sunday on “Face the Nation,” Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker, a Democrat, said, “We don’t want troops on the streets of American cities. That’s un-American. Frankly, the president of the United States ought to know better.”&lt;br&gt;Pritzker also accused the Trump administration of targeting states run by Democrats rather than those run by Republicans, telling CBS, “Notice he never talks about where the most violent crime is occurring, which is in red states. ... Their violent crime rates are much worse in other places, and we’re very proud of the work that we’ve done.”&lt;br&gt;Asked whether there are plans in place to deploy troops and federal law enforcement officials to states and cities run by Republicans, Noem said, “Absolutely.”&lt;br&gt;“Every single city is evaluated for what we need to do there to make it safer. So we’ve got operations that, again, I won’t talk about details on, but we absolutely are not looking through the viewpoint at anything we’re doing with a political lens,” she added.
** Alexandra Marquez, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/kristi-noem-confirms-plan-to-expand-ice-operations-in-major-cities/&quot;Kristi Noem confirms plan to expand ICE operations in major cities&quot;], NBC News, 31 August 2025

* In their initial doubts, what some Guardsmen were really asking was existential: Are we becoming something different? After all, the National Guard appears to have a new kind of mission, one that began in Los Angeles when Trump federalized the Guard over immigration concerns; moved to D.C. under the auspices of addressing “rampant violence and disorder”; and, according to Trump, could soon expand to Chicago and Baltimore.&lt;br&gt;This ambiguity not only invites confusion and raises fears of troops conducting more police-like functions, but it also thrusts the National Guard into the middle of political disputes. The more often it is deployed in politically divisive missions—instead of the more routine apolitical assignments to disaster zones—the more perilous the Guard’s standing becomes among the American public.
** Ashley Parker, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/why-is-the-national-guard-in-d-c-even-they-don-t-know/&quot;Why Is the National Guard in D.C.? Even They Don’t Know&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 29 August 2025

* By the time we headed home, after several hours spent wandering the city’s various quadrants, it was clear that almost no one felt particularly good about the arrangement: not the National Guardsmen, many of whom clearly didn’t want to be there, leaving their families and jobs in order to spread mulch and pick up trash; and not the residents, many of whom were furious with the occupation of their city or, worse, terrified of what the military’s presence portended for them and their loved ones. Even those residents who welcomed the troops did so from a place of discontent, so fed up with crime and quality-of-life issues that they felt relieved that someone was finally doing something, anything to help.
** Ashley Parker, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/why-is-the-national-guard-in-d-c-even-they-don-t-know/&quot;Why Is the National Guard in D.C.? Even They Don’t Know&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 29 August 2025

* According to research by the libertarian Cato Institute published earlier this month, one in five people arrested by ICE have been Latinos with no criminal past or removal orders against them from the government, which they called a &quot;telltale sign of illegal profiling.&quot; Karkatsanis warns that through his latest order, Trump has created a &quot;vigilante portal&quot; where anyone can &quot;sign up to be a Brownshirt to brutalize poor people, immigrants, people of color, and anyone else who might dare to, say, go to a protest.&quot; He says that it &quot;should be a nonstop emergency news alert,&quot; but that &quot;instead, mainstream news and Democrats are barely mentioning it.&quot;
** Stephen Prager, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/sign-up-to-be-a-brown-shirt-expert-blasts-wanna-be-dictator-trump-s-new-executive-order/&quot;Sign up to be a brown shirt': Expert blasts 'wanna-be-dictator' Trump's new executive order&quot;], ''Alternet'', 31 August 2025

==== September 2025 ====
* I'm a firm believer that President Trump will run and win again in 2028, so I've already endorsed President Trump. A man like this comes along once every century, if we're lucky. We've got him now.
** [[Steve Bannon]], endorsing Donald Trump to run for an unconstitutional third term in 2028, as quoted by Adeola Adeosun, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/justice-barrett-weighs-in-on-trump-third-term-talk/ar-AA1M9jYl?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68c015781ccf4696a35a5ef8dd24a801&amp;ei=11/&quot;Justice Barrett weighs in on Trump third-term talk&quot;], ''Newsweek'', 8 September 2025

* The 22nd Amendment, ratified in 1951, explicitly states: &quot;No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice.&quot; This amendment was adopted following Franklin D. Roosevelt's unprecedented four terms in office, establishing a formal limit on presidential tenure that had previously been only a tradition dating all the way back to America's first president, George Washington.&lt;br&gt;In March, Trump told NBC News that &quot;a lot of people would like me to do that,&quot; regarding a third term, adding, &quot;There are methods which you could do it, as you know.&quot; He reiterated these sentiments in subsequent interviews, though he has also occasionally denied interest in pursuing such a path.&lt;br&gt;Some Trump allies, like podcast host Steve Bannon, adviser during Trump's first term, have suggested unconventional workarounds. One theory involves Trump running as vice president on a ticket where the presidential nominee would then step aside after winning, allowing Trump to assume the presidency. Legal experts, however, broadly agree this would violate both the letter and spirit of the Constitution.
** Adeola Adeosun, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/justice-barrett-weighs-in-on-trump-third-term-talk/ar-AA1M9jYl?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68c015781ccf4696a35a5ef8dd24a801&amp;ei=11/&quot;Justice Barrett weighs in on Trump third-term talk&quot;], ''Newsweek'', 8 September 2025

* Donald Trump was recently asked about negotiating with the Democrats to avoid a government shutdown. “Don’t even bother dealing with them,” the president said. “If you gave them every dream, they would not vote for it.” Well, I don’t know about Democrats, Mr. President, but as an Independent I am prepared to vote with you if you simply do what the American people want. At a time when 60% of our people are living paycheck to paycheck I don’t think it’s a “dream” to ask that you:&lt;br&gt;Not slash Medicaid and throw 15 million people off their health insurance, resulting in over 50,000 deaths a year.&lt;br&gt;Not raise health care premiums by 75%, on average, for over 20 million Americans due to cuts to the Affordable Care Act.&lt;br&gt;Not, at a time of unprecedented income and wealth inequality, give the richest people in America a trillion dollars in tax breaks.&lt;br&gt;Not cut nutrition programs for hungry kids.&lt;br&gt;Not make it harder for young people to get a higher education.&lt;br&gt;Mr. President, your party controls the House, the Senate and the White House. Do not shut down the government.&lt;br&gt;If you come to an agreement on these issues, you’ve got my vote.
** [[Bernie Sanders]], U.S. Senator from Vermont, [https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/news-sanders-mr-president-do-not-shut-down-the-government/&quot;Mr. President: Do Not Shut Down the Government&quot;], 13 September 2025

* One of highest honors of my life.
** Donald Trump regarding a state dinner with King [[Charles III]], ''[https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/donald-trump-calls-uk-state-dinner-with-king-charles-one-of-highest-honors-of-my-life-9297573 Trump Calls UK State Dinner &quot;One Of Highest Honors Of My Life&quot;]'', ''ndtv.com'', September 18, 2025

* It was an extraordinary week. The slumbering giant of America is awakening. Americans forced Disney to put [[Jimmy Kimmel]] back on the air. Over 6 million people watched Kimmel’s Tuesday monologue assailing Trump’s attempt to censor him. Another 26 million watched it on social media, including YouTube. (Kimmel’s usual television audience is about 1.42 million.) Trump’s dictatorial narcissism revealed itself nearly as dramatically in the criminal indictment of former FBI director [[James Comey]], coming immediately after Trump fired the U.S. attorney who refused to indict him.&lt;br&gt;As did Trump’s demand that prosecutors go after philanthropist [[George Soros]], Senator [[Adam Schiff]], New York Attorney General Letitia James, and other perceived enemies.&lt;br&gt;As did Trump’s order yesterday, directing the “Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth” to use “full force, if necessary” to “protect War ravaged Portland” Oregon and any “ICE Facilities under siege from attack by Antifa, and other domestic terrorists.” He is escalating his use of the U.S. military against Americans.&lt;br&gt;There was also his bonkers speech to the United Nations telling delegates that their nations are “going to hell.” His attribution of autism to Tylenol, even though doctors say it is safe for pregnant women in moderation. His unilateral imposition of tariffs as high as 100 percent on imports of pharmaceuticals and kitchen cabinets.&lt;br&gt;Friends, his neofascism and his dementia are both in plain sight.
** [[Robert Reich]], [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-awakened-an-angry-sleeping-giant-this-week-and-he-s-about-to-roar-opinion/ar-AA1Ns9Yn?ocid=winp2fptaskbarhover&amp;cvid=68d8c4df4dbf481aa997d9100e2b384a&amp;ei=7/&quot;Opinion: Trump awakened an angry sleeping giant this week — and he's about to roar&quot;], ''Alternet'', 28 September 2025

* His polls continue to drop. Voters are turning against him and his Republican party. On Tuesday, Democrat Adelita Grijalva won Arizona’s 7th Congressional District in a special election — leaving House Republicans with a majority of just five. Grijalva’s victory comes on the heels of another Democratic win: James Walkinshaw’s in Virginia. Two more special elections are coming, in Texas and Tennessee. Speaker Mike Johnson is struggling to hold House Republicans together, facing rebellion on issues such as the release of files relating to disgraced financier Jeffrey Epstein.&lt;br&gt;Democrats are refusing to go along with Republicans to fund the government beyond Tuesday unless Republicans agree to extending Affordable Care Act subsidies — now set to expire at the end of the year and cause 24 million people to lose coverage or pay skyrocketing premiums.
** [[Robert Reich]], [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-awakened-an-angry-sleeping-giant-this-week-and-he-s-about-to-roar-opinion/ar-AA1Ns9Yn?ocid=winp2fptaskbarhover&amp;cvid=68d8c4df4dbf481aa997d9100e2b384a&amp;ei=7/&quot;Opinion: Trump awakened an angry sleeping giant this week — and he's about to roar&quot;], ''Alternet'', 28 September 2025

* Friends, I can’t tell you exactly when the tipping point will occur — when elected Republicans will rebel against him, or when his dementia becomes so apparent he’s forced to resign, or when so much of the nation rises up against his dictatorship that he’s impeached and convicted of high crimes — but we’re getting closer. As I said a few days ago, I’ve been in and around politics for 60 years and have developed a sixth sense about the slumbering giant of America. That giant is now stirring. He about to stand. He’s angry. Soon he will roar.&lt;br&gt;'''Your activism is working. Be strong. Be safe. Hug your loved ones. We’ll get through this.'''
** [[Robert Reich]], [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-awakened-an-angry-sleeping-giant-this-week-and-he-s-about-to-roar-opinion/ar-AA1Ns9Yn?ocid=winp2fptaskbarhover&amp;cvid=68d8c4df4dbf481aa997d9100e2b384a&amp;ei=7/&quot;Opinion: Trump awakened an angry sleeping giant this week — and he's about to roar&quot;], ''Alternet'', 28 September 2025

* Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s speech to top generals was supposed to serve as a rallying cry for military exceptionalism — but it didn’t land that way with many of the people it was targeting. Numerous defense officials — who watched senior brass scramble to Washington and then sit through a partisan speech from President Donald Trump and a return to old-school military standards by Hegseth — were left wondering why the event had occurred at all. “More like a press conference than briefing the generals,” said one defense official, who, like others, was granted anonymity due to fears of retribution. “Could have been an email.”
** Jack Detsch &amp; Leo Shane III, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/could-have-been-an-email-officials-balk-at-hegseth-s-generals-meeting/ar-AA1NCljG?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68d985793737465b924fecec9b34bbb8&amp;ei=8/&quot;‘Could have been an email’: Officials balk at Hegseth's generals meeting&quot;], ''Politico'', 30 September 2025

* Defense officials, in the Pentagon and at bases around the world, spent much of Tuesday trying to make sense of the last-minute gathering at the Quantico base in Virginia. Hegseth called out “fat generals,” and, separately, pushed fitness standards that could limit women in combat roles, while Trump offered his justification for sending the military into American cities. The 90-minute event — which featured military officials who swore an oath to the Constitution attending something more akin to a campaign rally — had the feeling of a Hollywood production. Trump even instructed officials to “just have a good time.”&lt;br&gt;The meeting took place hours before a likely government shutdown, and struck some officials as a distraction that threatens to shift the military’s focus away from foreign threats toward an unprecedented domestic role. “Not quite a loyalty test, but … on the spectrum of loyalty to ideology,” said a second defense official. “Total waste of money.”
** Jack Detsch &amp; Leo Shane III, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/could-have-been-an-email-officials-balk-at-hegseth-s-generals-meeting/ar-AA1NCljG?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68d985793737465b924fecec9b34bbb8&amp;ei=8/&quot;‘Could have been an email’: Officials balk at Hegseth's generals meeting&quot;], ''Politico'', 30 September 2025

* The Pentagon has insisted the U.S. military is retooling to prepare for a potential war with China. But sending American troops to patrol their own cities will “distract warfighters from actually training to fight and win” against Beijing, said a fourth defense official.&lt;br&gt;Several Trump allies, including Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.), said a face-to-face meeting like Hegseth’s helped reinforce the administration's visions. “There needs to be more warfighter training,” he said in an interview. “We don't do enough of it. We don't do enough flying training. I like this approach … I thought it was a strong speech.” Democrats, on the other hand, attacked the event as purely vanity-driven. Sen. Mazie Hirono (D-Hawaii) called the resources used for the meeting “totally unjustified” and an exercise in chest thumping. “This comes at the expense of real national security,” she said in an interview. “But obviously they don’t give a rip.”
** Jack Detsch &amp; Leo Shane III, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/could-have-been-an-email-officials-balk-at-hegseth-s-generals-meeting/ar-AA1NCljG?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68d985793737465b924fecec9b34bbb8&amp;ei=8/&quot;‘Could have been an email’: Officials balk at Hegseth's generals meeting&quot;], ''Politico'', 30 September 2025

* Lt. Col. Amy McGrath called out U.S. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth for trying to overshadow women’s contribution to the U.S. military in his effort to meet “the highest male standard’ among U.S. soldiers. “Each service will ensure that every requirement for every combat [Military Occupational Specialty], for every designated combat arms position, returns to the highest male standard,” Hegseth told leaders at Marine Corps Base Quantico, in Quantico, Virginia on Tuesday. “Only because this job is life or death, standards must be met and not just met at every level. We should seek to exceed the standard to push the envelope to compete.”
** Adam Lynch, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/that-was-bonkers-former-marine-fighter-pilot-blasts-trump-s-rambling-military-speech/ar-AA1NBSpZ?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68dd07966b0146f9a069e63bd183e9e1&amp;ei=10/&quot;'That was bonkers': Former Marine fighter pilot blasts Trump’s 'rambling' military speech&quot;], ''Alternet'', 30 September 2025

* “Hegseth still has a lot to learn, unfortunately,” said McGrath, speaking with the “Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer.” “When I flew my combat missions, there was not a set male standard and a female standard for flying an aircraft onto the back of an aircraft carrier. You can either do it or you can't. Combat jobs have had one standard for a long time. And part of when we opened combat jobs to women, those of us that were in those jobs wanted one standard to be set. And it was — so I think it's kind of ridiculous.”&lt;br&gt;“But, honestly, that, in comparison to the rest of what we heard in the last hour, is really minor,” McGrath added. “That speech was bonkers by the president, and everybody sitting in that room knows that we don't have a coherent foreign policy or defense policy. And that, I think, is a bigger issue indeed.”
** Adam Lynch, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/that-was-bonkers-former-marine-fighter-pilot-blasts-trump-s-rambling-military-speech/ar-AA1NBSpZ?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68dd07966b0146f9a069e63bd183e9e1&amp;ei=10/&quot;'That was bonkers': Former Marine fighter pilot blasts Trump’s 'rambling' military speech&quot;], ''Alternet'', 30 September 2025

* McGrath was particularly wrathful at President Donald Trump suggesting the city of Chicago serve as a kind of “training ground” for urban warfare.&lt;br&gt;“There was a lot of rambling. There was a ton of lies. There was a lot of politicization … and craziness that you heard from this speech, but the scariest part was when the president talked about using our cities as a training ground for the United States military,” said McGrath. “Now, the military has done training in cities before, but that's not what I think he's talking about here. He's talking about using the military in ways that we should not see in America. And I'm very worried about this.”&lt;br&gt;“I think the whole part of bringing these generals and admirals back here was to discuss this type of thing, and it should it should scare us all,” McGrath said. “This is something that we just don't do in America. We have police to fight crime, and we should be putting money into those police forces, not sending American troops that are trained for war to American cities.”
** Adam Lynch, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/that-was-bonkers-former-marine-fighter-pilot-blasts-trump-s-rambling-military-speech/ar-AA1NBSpZ?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68dd07966b0146f9a069e63bd183e9e1&amp;ei=10/&quot;'That was bonkers': Former Marine fighter pilot blasts Trump’s 'rambling' military speech&quot;], ''Alternet'', 30 September 2025

==== October 2025 ====

* In an interview at Catholic University last week, Supreme Court Justice [[Clarence Thomas]] said what he’s clearly been thinking for the past 30 years: Supreme Court precedents don’t matter, and he’s making things up as he goes along to fulfill his own political agenda. He didn’t say it in that way, of course. People would have noticed that. Instead, he couched his self-serving philosophy in legal jargon that will fly under the radar of most people, including journalists. Here’s what he said: “At some point we need to think about what we’re doing with stare decisis.… [I]t’s not some sort of talismanic deal where you can just say ‘stare decisis’ and not think, turn off the brain, right?”&lt;br&gt;To translate: “Stare decisis” is a foundational legal principle in this country and all countries that follow a “common law” system. What it means, in simple terms, is that prior judicial rulings govern future judicial rulings. If a court rules, for instance, that “gay people have the same basic rights as everyone else in this country, including the right to marry other people,” then that ruling is supposed to govern all future cases concerning the rights of gay people.&lt;br&gt;Thomas, apparently, doesn’t agree. Instead of respecting stare decisis and precedent, he is saying that older cases shouldn’t have the power to control newer ones. For Thomas, just because courts ruled that LGBTQ people should have rights in the past, including the right to marry, doesn’t mean he feels compelled to rule that they should keep them.
** Elie Mystal, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/clarence-thomas-admits-that-he-s-coming-for-our-rights/ar-AA1NKA43?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68debf3c3daa4765898f5ee85f8975a7&amp;ei=10/&quot;Clarence Thomas Admits That He’s Coming for Our Rights&quot;], ''The Nation'', 2 October 2025

* We’ve seen this in Thomas’s opinions in recent years. In 2022, he declared, in a separate but supporting opinion in the ''Dobbs'' case, that ''Roe v. Wade'' was not respectful of our legal traditions, but ''Loving v. Virginia'' is. Why? Well because ''Roe'' gave women rights, while ''Loving'' gave Thomas the right to marry his white wife, and if you have a better legal difference between those cases other than Thomas’s own personal preferences, I’d love to hear you explain it. Thomas has also decided (in this case, writing for the majority) that simple gun registration laws are not respectful of our traditions in this country, but he signed on to an opinion giving the president the powers of the very king we revolted against. You simply cannot chart a course through what passes for logic in Thomas’s head without understanding his preferred policy outcomes.&lt;br&gt;If Thomas were the only justice who thought like this, it would be a containable problem. But the entire Republican cabal on the Supreme Court rules exactly in the way Thomas is talking about, with no respect for precedent or stare decisis. This coming term, the Republicans on the court are likely to overturn a voting rights precedent they set for themselves only a couple of years ago. The Republicans literally cannot be trusted to respect ''their own rulings''.
** Elie Mystal, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/clarence-thomas-admits-that-he-s-coming-for-our-rights/ar-AA1NKA43?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68debf3c3daa4765898f5ee85f8975a7&amp;ei=10/&quot;Clarence Thomas Admits That He’s Coming for Our Rights&quot;], ''The Nation'', 2 October 2025

* '''The entire Trump administration has been a “mask off” moment for the Supreme Court’s conservatives. It turns out, they don’t actually care about precedent (no matter how many times they lied and claimed to care during their Senate confirmation hearings). They don’t actually care about the text. They don’t actually care about judicial restraint. They want the political outcomes they want and they have the votes to do it.'''&lt;br&gt;Thomas’s speech is a declaration that there is no judicial precedent that is safe from the current Republicans on the court. Stare decisis will not stand in their way of getting what they want. You could read the entire speech as a shot across the bow of ''Obergefell v. Hodges'', and it is, but it’s also a rare moment where Thomas told the truth about what he and his friends are actually doing. '''They do not care about traditions, norms, or the very foundation of judicial decision making in a common law system. They only care about winning.'''
** Elie Mystal, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/clarence-thomas-admits-that-he-s-coming-for-our-rights/ar-AA1NKA43?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68debf3c3daa4765898f5ee85f8975a7&amp;ei=10/&quot;Clarence Thomas Admits That He’s Coming for Our Rights&quot;], ''The Nation'', 2 October 2025 

* That’s all going to be very bad for those of us who do not happen to be white cis-hetero men in the near term, but there is a silver lining. Thomas’s speech at Catholic University literally lays down the playbook for how to defeat him and all the evil and cruelty he has wrought during his time on the bench. According to Thomas, future Supreme Court justices do not have to wrestle with the precedents laid down by Thomas and his Roberts-court brethren. They do not have to distinguish future cases from the ones that are being decided today. They do not have to wait for Congress to pass new laws, or for the Constitution to be amended. They don’t have to stay on the train Clarence Thomas is driving.&lt;br&gt;And I am here for that. By Thomas’s own admission, the power of the Roberts court dies the moment there are more liberals on the bench than Republicans. That could happen as soon as the next presidential election, if Democrats get their act together to take control of the Supreme Court. If stare decisis is dead, then it’s dead forever. What can’t happen is for future Democratic justices to try to resurrect it, to preserve the power of the people who killed it. Clarence Thomas will soon be the longest-serving justice in American history. It’s good to know that he thinks his opinions will not matter after he’s dead. On that, he and I agree.
** Elie Mystal, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/clarence-thomas-admits-that-he-s-coming-for-our-rights/ar-AA1NKA43?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68debf3c3daa4765898f5ee85f8975a7&amp;ei=10/&quot;Clarence Thomas Admits That He’s Coming for Our Rights&quot;], ''The Nation'', 2 October 2025

* Six months ago, I wrote a piece urging soldiers to leave the United States military. At the time, the possibility that the president might use the military as a tool to unjustly abuse US citizens was still somewhat theoretical. At the risk of being repetitive, events in the world make me feel compelled to write, once again: Leave the military now. The time when you can say that you did not understand what might happen is coming to an end.&lt;br&gt;Yesterday, the Secretary of Defense and the Commander in Chief gave speeches to all of our nation’s generals, who they had ordered to assemble in Washington. It is bad enough, I imagine, for all of these accomplished career officers to be subjected to the performative tirade of Pete Hegseth, a childish television host, installed as their superior, ranting about the need to be more macho, fairly dripping with overcompensation for his various inadequacies. Yet if Hegseth’s speech was unnecessary, bigoted, and cartoonish, the performance of the Commander in Chief was much more substantively dangerous.
** Hamilton Nolan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/leave-the-military-now/ar-AA1NKs8f?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68deb4e64a7c44f1baa45bef2565d099&amp;ei=11/&quot;Leave the Military Now&quot;], ZNetwork, 2 October 2025

* First, because it must have been clear to all of those assembled generals that Donald Trump, who possesses complete and total control of the military and its awesome powers, is, at best, mentally unwell. His speech, characteristically, was an incoherent stream-of-consciousness rant consisting mostly of narcissism and fiction and personal grievances. The mind of the man who has the ability to tell all of these officers what to do is broken and impervious to facts and reason. This is the man who can tell you when and how and who to kill.&lt;br&gt;“They’re brave in our inner cities, which we’re going to be talking about because it’s a big part of war now, it’s a big part of war,” Trump said, speaking about firemen. “But the firemen go up on ladders and you have people shooting at them while they’re up on ladders. I don’t even know if anybody heard that. And actually don’t talk about it much, but I think you have to. Our firemen are incredible. They’re up on one of these ladders that goes way up to the sky rescuing people, and you have animals shooting at them — shooting bullets at firemen that are way up in death territory.” This is your boss.
** Hamilton Nolan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/leave-the-military-now/ar-AA1NKs8f?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68deb4e64a7c44f1baa45bef2565d099&amp;ei=11/&quot;Leave the Military Now&quot;], ZNetwork, 2 October 2025

* Worse, the president made his intentions for the military clear. “You know, the Democrats run most of the cities that are in bad shape. We have many cities in great shape too, by the way. I want you to know that. But it seems that the ones that are run by the radical left Democrats, what they’ve done to San Francisco, Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, they’re very unsafe places and we’re going to straighten them out one by one,” he said. “And this is going to be a major part for some of the people in this room. That’s a war too. It’s a war from within.”&lt;br&gt;“We should use some of these dangerous cities as training grounds for our military National Guard, but military,” he said, repeating bizarre, made-up stories about Chicago, Portland, and Seattle as war zones.
** Hamilton Nolan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/leave-the-military-now/ar-AA1NKs8f?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68deb4e64a7c44f1baa45bef2565d099&amp;ei=11/&quot;Leave the Military Now&quot;], ZNetwork, 2 October 2025

* I am not going to try to convince generals in the United States armed forces to embrace my own personal moral beliefs. Rather, I would urge them all to consider their own moral beliefs. Honor and courage are often touted as the highest military values. What do those values demand of these generals at this moment in history? To salute their deranged superiors, and then, in private, to mutter under their breath about how incompetent and awful those commanders are? Is it honorable for these hundreds of generals to go forward doing their very best to carry out the will of a president who vows openly to use the military to suppress his domestic political enemies, and who has in fact already done that in major cities? Is it courageous of these officer to—for the sake of their own careers—continue to robotically serve a man who is obviously making decisions based upon things that are not true, and who is obsessed with revenge above all, and who is quite straightforward about his intentions to use the military to forcefully oppress Americans? Is that what honor and courage demand of the highest ranking officers in our military? Nothing at all?&lt;br&gt;It is common for people in the military to point out that they took an oath to “support and defend the Constitution of the United States,” and to imply that their allegiance to that oath would prevent them from carrying out truly unjust orders. I can’t help but notice that the point at which this moral duty to stop obeying orders kicks in appears to recede forever into the future. We, the citizens, are assured that there exists some ill-defined moment at which the personal moral code of military soldiers and officers will kick in and stop an out-of-control Commander in Chief from using the military for purposes of tyranny.&lt;br&gt;Well? The tyrant is here. Talk is cheap. This theoretical guardrail of our democracy would be much more comforting if it were ever possible to see it produce some tangible action.
** Hamilton Nolan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/leave-the-military-now/ar-AA1NKs8f?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68deb4e64a7c44f1baa45bef2565d099&amp;ei=11/&quot;Leave the Military Now&quot;], ZNetwork, 2 October 2025

* It is not too late to change America’s future. We sit, right now, in a moment of possibility. The president has made his intention to use the military against American citizens abundantly clear, but the worst versions of this oppression are still to come. He has told us what is coming, but all of it has not happened yet. That means that there will never be a better moment for people of honor and courage to leave the military. There will never be a better moment for the generals to demonstrate that their moral values are not just empty words. There will never be a better time to actually weaken the power of an aspiring dictator by refusing to be a part of his army. There will never be a better chance to exempt yourself from the stain of participating in a great, historic injustice against America’s ideals. '''Everyone can see who is in charge. Everyone can see what the plan is. Nobody can say that they didn’t see what was coming. Nobody can say that they went into this blind.''' For the members of the military—and, above all, for the officers at its highest level—the time to be courageous, or not, has arrived.&lt;br&gt;Like any large organization, the military is full of all types of people who got into it for all types of reasons. Despite my own objections to the things that politicians make the military do, I do believe that the military itself is full of people who sincerely value patriotism, sacrifice, and public service. And there can be no doubt that the military is full of people who have demonstrated great personal bravery, perseverance, and willingness to overcome daunting obstacles in order to do a job that they believe is honorable and necessary. '''In 2025, all of these admirable qualities demand a very particular action: to leave the military. Before you find yourself doing things that do not comport with the values that you hold. Before you find that you have become the bad guy. If you can run into a gunfight, you can find the bravery to quit. That’s what patriotism means today.'''
** Hamilton Nolan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/leave-the-military-now/ar-AA1NKs8f?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68deb4e64a7c44f1baa45bef2565d099&amp;ei=11/&quot;Leave the Military Now&quot;], ZNetwork, 2 October 2025

* President Donald Trump has condemned the shutdown and laid the blame squarely at the feet of the “Radical Left Democrats”— in the meantime, he appears to be making the most of it. Trump teased on Truth Social that he would be meeting with Director of the Office of Management and Budget Russ Vought to – as he warned Democrats he would do – reevaluate the necessity of various government agencies. “I have a meeting today with Russ Vought, he of PROJECT 2025 Fame, to determine which of the many Democrat Agencies, most of which are a political SCAM, he recommends to be cut, and whether or not those cuts will be temporary or permanent,” Trump wrote.&lt;br&gt;As a potential shutdown loomed, the administration cautioned Democrats that if they didn’t sign on to Republicans’ short stopgap funding bill and prevent a shutdown, more federal employees would lose their jobs. The OMB sent a letter to federal agencies last week directing them to take a critical look at where they might be able to shed more employees.&lt;br&gt;“With respect to those Federal programs whose funding would lapse and which are otherwise unfunded, such programs are no longer statutorily required to be carried out,” the letter reads. “Agencies are directed to use this opportunity to consider Reduction in Force (RIF) notices for all employees in programs, projects, or activities (PPAs) that satisfy all three of the following conditions: (1) discretionary funding lapses on October 1, 2025; (2) another source of funding, such as H.R. 1 (Public Law 119-21) is not currently available; and (3) the PPA is not consistent with the President’s priorities.”
** Morgan Sweeney, [https://justthenews.com/nation/states/center-square/trimming-fat-trump-boasts-shuttering-government-agencies-amidst/&quot;Trimming the fat: Trump boasts of shuttering government agencies amidst shutdown&quot;], ''Just The News'', 2 October 2025

* The ''New York Times'' reported in August that the federal workforce may have about 300,000 less people by year’s end. Most of the terminations or resignations were reportedly prompted by the Department of Government Efficiency, which was created by an executive order at the start of Trump’s second term.&lt;br&gt;It’s unclear which “Democrat Agencies” are on the chopping block Tuesday – and whether entire agencies will be eradicated or they’ll merely lose more employees. The administration has previously described the Congressional Budget Office and the Bureau of Labor Statistics as unreliable, “Democrat-controlled,” politically motivated and riddled with “longstanding failures,” to name a few.
** Morgan Sweeney, [https://justthenews.com/nation/states/center-square/trimming-fat-trump-boasts-shuttering-government-agencies-amidst/&quot;Trimming the fat: Trump boasts of shuttering government agencies amidst shutdown&quot;], ''Just The News'', 2 October 2025

* The “Project 2025,” which Trump referenced in his social media post, is a strategy for the restructuring of the federal government, crafted by conservatives and published by the Heritage Foundation. The goals of the project, as summarized by the BBC, are to “restore the family as the centrepiece of American life; dismantle the administrative state; defend the nation's sovereignty and borders; and secure God-given individual rights to live freely.”&lt;br&gt;Vought was a project co-author, and the president has framed the shutdown as an opportunity to further carry out this initiative.&lt;br&gt;“I can’t believe the Radical Left Democrats gave me this unprecedented opportunity. They are not stupid people, so maybe this is their way of wanting to, quietly and quickly, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! President DJT,&quot; his post concluded.

* '''As United States President Donald Trump relentlessly threatens to annex Canada, reiterating the threat again this week in a speech to American military officials, some Canadians are worried that a U.S. invasion could one day become a reality. How would that scenario play out? Looking at the sheer size of the American military, many people might believe that Trump would enjoy an easy victory.'''&lt;br&gt;'''That analysis is wrong.''' If Trump ever decides to use military force to annex Canada, the result would not be determined by a conventional military confrontation between the Canadian and American armies. Rather, a military invasion of Canada would trigger a decades-long violent resistance, which would ultimately destroy the United States.&lt;br&gt;But in this nightmare scenario, could Canadians successfully resist an American invasion? Absolutely. I know this because I have studied insurgencies around the world for more than two decades, and I have spent time with ordinary people who have fought against powerful invading armies.
** Aisha Ahmad, Associate Professor of Political Science, University of Toronto, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/why-annexing-canada-would-destroy-the-united-states-opinion/ar-AA1NQUAk?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68e15ddcc73a4c3c9a13e3e91b8a16e7&amp;ei=18/&quot;Why annexing Canada would destroy the United States&quot;], ''Alternet'', 4 October 2025

* Guerrillas use ambushes, raids and surprise attacks to slowly bleed an invading army, and local communities support these fighters by giving them safe havens and material support. These supporting citizens can also engage in forms of “everyday resistance,” using millions of passive-aggressive episodes of sabotage to frustrate and drain the enemy. Trump is delusional if he believes that 40 million Canadians will passively accept conquest without resistance. There is no political party or leader willing to relinquish Canadian sovereignty over “economic coercion,” and so if the U.S. wanted to annex Canada, it would have to invade.&lt;br&gt;That decision would set in motion an unstoppable cycle of violence. Even if we imagine a scenario in which the Canadian government unconditionally surrenders, a fight would ensue on the streets. A teenager might throw a rock at invading soldiers. That kid would get shot, and then there would be more rocks, and more gunfire. An insurgency would be inevitable.
** Aisha Ahmad, Associate Professor of Political Science, University of Toronto, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/why-annexing-canada-would-destroy-the-united-states-opinion/ar-AA1NQUAk?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68e15ddcc73a4c3c9a13e3e91b8a16e7&amp;ei=18/&quot;Why annexing Canada would destroy the United States&quot;], ''Alternet'', 4 October 2025

* This idea may shock Canadians today because they see themselves as friendly and affable people. However, Canada’s current self-image of “niceness” only exists because they’re at peace. War changes people very quickly, and Canadians are no more innately peaceful than any other human beings. When your child is dying in your arms, you become capable of violence. Once you lose what you love, resistance becomes as natural as breathing. Except for a few collaborators and kapos, my research suggests many Canadians would likely engage in various forms of everyday resistance against invading forces that could involve stealing, lying, cutting wires and diverting funds.&lt;br&gt;Meanwhile, the insurgents would unleash physical devastation on American targets. Even if one per cent of all resisting Canadians engaged in armed insurrection, that would constitute a 400,000-person insurgency, nearly 10 times the size of the Taliban at the start of the Afghan war. If a fraction of that number engaged in violent attacks, it would set fire to the entire continent.
** Aisha Ahmad, Associate Professor of Political Science, University of Toronto, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/why-annexing-canada-would-destroy-the-united-states-opinion/ar-AA1NQUAk?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68e15ddcc73a4c3c9a13e3e91b8a16e7&amp;ei=18/&quot;Why annexing Canada would destroy the United States&quot;], ''Alternet'', 4 October 2025

* This scenario would guarantee the destruction of both Canada and the United States. No one in their right mind would choose this gruesome future over a peaceful and mutually beneficial alliance with a friendly neighbour. Nevertheless, if Trump is reckless enough to think the violent annexation of Canada is an achievable goal, then let it be known that all these horrifying outcomes were predictable well in advance, and that he was forewarned.
** Aisha Ahmad, Associate Professor of Political Science, University of Toronto, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/why-annexing-canada-would-destroy-the-united-states-opinion/ar-AA1NQUAk?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68e15ddcc73a4c3c9a13e3e91b8a16e7&amp;ei=18/&quot;Why annexing Canada would destroy the United States&quot;], ''Alternet'', 4 October 2025

* Several people recently asked me who I think is next after Comey and what will happen to him during his prosecution. I don’t know. But the fact that we even have to ask the question embodies just how fast American democracy is collapsing. Comey’s indictment — and likely conviction — will surely be followed by others. Many others. Trump will demand it, and many Americans will want it too.&lt;br&gt;The Justice Department has already launched investigations against former National Security Adviser John Bolton, Democratic Sen. Adam Schiff of California and Democratic New York Attorney General Letitia James. Other names that have been mentioned as potential targets include Fani Willis, the district attorney of Fulton County, Georgia, who brought charges against Trump in a 2023 election interference case, and former FBI Director Christopher Wray. These names show that the unthinkable has become routine. Malignant normality is now the new normal.
** Chauncey DeVega, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/a-new-red-scare-this-could-be-much-worse/ar-AA1NT7bS?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68e2b63903484da6a92bd0303bf45f34&amp;ei=13/&quot;A new Red Scare? This could be much worse&quot;], ''Salon'', 5 October 2025

* Since Trump was first elected in 2016, America’s responsible political and media class have constructed a model of American politics and society that increasingly does not exist. The long-cherished ideals of institutions, American exceptionalism and the character of the American people have been thrown out the window. In many ways, those fantasies never matched reality in the first place — and now the gap is undeniable. For many, this truth is too frightening to face.&lt;br&gt;As America’s democracy rapidly collapses, there are public voices in the news media and political class who are warning about the evils of a new Red Scare. In reality, what the Trump administration and its forces are unleashing will likely be much worse.
** Chauncey DeVega, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/a-new-red-scare-this-could-be-much-worse/ar-AA1NT7bS?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68e2b63903484da6a92bd0303bf45f34&amp;ei=13/&quot;A new Red Scare? This could be much worse&quot;], ''Salon'', 5 October 2025

* In an interview, Adam Hochschild, the prominent historian and award-winning author of books including “American Midnight: The Great War, A Violent Peace, and Democracy’s Forgotten Crisis,” was clear-eyed about what America is facing: “This is profoundly frightening because it’s right out of the playbook of the way democracies are converted to dictatorships.” He compared our present moment to what was happening a century ago in the aftermath of World War I and the Russian Revolution. The country, he said in an email interview, was “inflamed by military fervor…and then by paranoia,” which caused “severe damage to democracy.”&lt;br&gt;“The government shut down some 75 newspapers and magazines, and imprisoned hundreds of people — most notably Socialist leader Eugene V. Debs — solely for things they wrote or said,” Hochschild said. “Donald Trump would greatly like to do the same, as his attacks on critical media and prosecutions of people like James Comey show. But he is going one step further than this country went during the madness of the Red Scare of 1917-1921 by trying to seize control of electoral machinery. That, to me, is the most frightening thing about an already dangerous presidency.”&lt;br&gt;Commentators get hung up, he explained, on comparing Trump to Republican Sen. Joseph McCarthy of Wisconsin, who saw “subversives everywhere.” While noting similarities, Hochschild argued the better parallel is Democratic President Woodrow Wilson who, in his second term, “did all kinds of things Trump would like to do, such as throwing his critics in jail under the Espionage Act by the hundreds, and shutting down media that criticized him.”&lt;br&gt;But that wasn’t all. Under the 28th president, the Justice Department created the American Protective League, which Hochschild described as “a national vigilante force [that] scoured cities for suspected draft-dodgers.”&lt;br&gt;“We pay far too little attention to that ominous period of American life,” he said, “always preferring to look on the bright side rather than the dark side.”
** Chauncey DeVega, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/a-new-red-scare-this-could-be-much-worse/ar-AA1NT7bS?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68e2b63903484da6a92bd0303bf45f34&amp;ei=13/&quot;A new Red Scare? This could be much worse&quot;], ''Salon'', 5 October 2025

* Trumpism is the embodiment of Shakespeare’s observation that what’s past is prologue. It’s now our present and future. But this is not a call to despair, or to embrace the comfort of learned helplessness or to take poison of hopium. It is the opposite. Unearned hope leads to despair. The way forward is to first accept the dire reality and then to engage in peaceful collective action that seizes the moral high ground, and never surrenders or compromises.The Black Freedom Struggle and long civil rights movements offer one such example. To paraphrase Hemingway: “A man alone ain’t got no bloody damn chance.”
** Chauncey DeVega, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/a-new-red-scare-this-could-be-much-worse/ar-AA1NT7bS?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68e2b63903484da6a92bd0303bf45f34&amp;ei=13/&quot;A new Red Scare? This could be much worse&quot;], ''Salon'', 5 October 2025

* To capture a democratic nation, authoritarians must control three sources of power: the intelligence agencies, the justice system, and the military. President Donald Trump and his circle of would-be autocrats have made rapid progress toward seizing these institutions and detaching them from the Constitution and rule of law. The intelligence community has effectively been muzzled, and the nation’s top lawyers and cops are being purged and replaced with loyalist hacks.&lt;br&gt;Only the military remains outside Trump’s grip. Despite the firing of several top officers—and Trump’s threat to fire more—the U.S. armed forces are still led by generals and admirals whose oath is to the Constitution, not the commander in chief. But for how long?&lt;br&gt;Trump and his valet at the Defense Department, Secretary of Physical Training Pete Hegseth, are now making a dedicated run at turning the men and women of the armed forces into Trump’s personal and partisan army. In his first term, Trump regularly violated the sacred American tradition of the military’s political neutrality, but people around him—including retired and active-duty generals such as James Mattis, John Kelly, and Mark Milley—restrained some of his worst impulses. Now no one is left to stop him: The president learned from his first-term struggles and this time has surrounded himself with a Cabinet of sycophants and ideologues rather than advisers, especially those at the Pentagon. He has declared war on Chicago; called Portland, Oregon, a “war zone”; and referred to his political opponents as “the enemy from within.” Trump clearly wants to use military power to exert more control over the American people, and soon, top U.S.-military commanders may have to decide whether they will refuse such orders from the commander in chief. The greatest crisis of American civil-military relations in modern history is now under way.
** Tom Nichols, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/the-civil-military-crisis-is-here/ar-AA1O32Cq?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68e63a4e95384da9b65b7c8e076ea0ca&amp;ei=9/&quot;The Civil-Military Crisis Is Here&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 7 October 2025

* I write these words with great trepidation. When I was a professor at the Naval War College, I gave lectures to American military officers about the sturdiness of civil-military relations in the United States, a remarkable historical achievement that has allowed the most powerful military in the world to serve democracy without being a threat to it. I so revered this system that I went to Moscow just before the fall of the U.S.S.R. and told an audience of Soviet military officers that they should look to the American military as a model for how to disentangle themselves from the Communist Party and Kremlin politics. I regularly reminded both my military students and civilian audiences that they had good reason to have faith in American institutions and the constitutional loyalty of U.S. civilian and military leaders.&lt;br&gt;This new and dangerous moment has arrived for many reasons, including Trump’s antics in front of young soldiers and sailors, through which he has succeeded in pulling many of them into displays of partisan behavior that are both an insult to American civil-military traditions and a violation of military regulations. Senior military leaders should have stepped in to prevent Trump from turning addresses at Fort Bragg and Naval Station Norfolk into political rallies; the silence of the Army and Navy secretaries, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and some top generals and admirals is appalling. To their credit, those same officers listened impassively as Trump and Hegseth subjected them to political rants during a meeting at Quantico last week. But young enlisted people and their immediate superiors take their cues from the top, and one day of decorum from the high command cannot reverse Trump’s influence on the rank and file.
** Tom Nichols, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/the-civil-military-crisis-is-here/ar-AA1O32Cq?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68e63a4e95384da9b65b7c8e076ea0ca&amp;ei=9/&quot;The Civil-Military Crisis Is Here&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 7 October 2025

* Trump’s rhetoric in his speeches to the military has been awful—he has ridiculed former commanders in chief, castigated sitting elected officials, and told the members of America’s armed forces that other Americans are their enemies. But his actions are worse. In deploying troops to American cities, he has set up a confrontation in which military commanders may soon have to choose between obeying the president and obeying the law. “This is a nation of Constitutional law, not martial law,” Judge Karin Immergut—a conservative Trump appointee—wrote last week when she blocked Trump’s attempt to send troops to Portland. The White House aide [[Stephen Miller]] likely foreshadowed Trump’s next moves, including possibly ignoring such rulings, when he lashed out at Immergut’s decision. Miller, a man who hates being called a fascist, made the fascistic accusation that a “large and growing movement of leftwing terrorism in this country” is being “shielded by far-left Democrat judges, prosecutors and attorneys general.”
** Tom Nichols, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/the-civil-military-crisis-is-here/ar-AA1O32Cq?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68e63a4e95384da9b65b7c8e076ea0ca&amp;ei=9/&quot;The Civil-Military Crisis Is Here&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 7 October 2025

* Trump, of course, doesn’t care all that much about Venezuelan speedboats or costumed pranksters in Portland. He cares about power, which is why he is determined to flex military muscle on the streets of American cities. As opposition grows and his popularity falls, Trump may be tempted to issue orders to the military that will be aimed at suppressing dissent, or disrupting elections, or detaining political figures; he has already floated the idea of invoking the Insurrection Act, which could enable such actions. He may even become desperate enough to launch a foreign war—as he seems to be trying to do right now with Venezuela. If more of these orders come, how should the leaders of America’s armed forces respond?
** Tom Nichols, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/the-civil-military-crisis-is-here/ar-AA1O32Cq?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68e63a4e95384da9b65b7c8e076ea0ca&amp;ei=9/&quot;The Civil-Military Crisis Is Here&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 7 October 2025

* Congress, so far, has been useless in restraining Trump: The Democrats are too timid, and the Republicans are too compromised. Only by standing together can the senior military officials warn Trump away from leading America into a full-blown civil-military confrontation.&lt;br&gt;Military officers are human beings, not Vulcans or robots. Even the most virtuous young officer may tremble at the idea of refusing a direct order—especially one from the president of the United States. Others may be tempted to abandon their oath, either by ideology or a misplaced sense of obedience, and they should recall Hyten’s warning from 2017: “If you execute an unlawful order, you will go to jail. You could go to jail for the rest of your life.” Most American military personnel, however, need no reminder of their constitutional duty. But they do need some reassurance that they have support from their chain of command to resist illegal orders. And the rest of us, whether we’re elected officials or ordinary citizens, should do everything we can to let our fellow Americans in uniform know that if they risk their careers and even their freedom to protect the Constitution, we will stand with them.
** Tom Nichols, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/the-civil-military-crisis-is-here/ar-AA1O32Cq?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68e63a4e95384da9b65b7c8e076ea0ca&amp;ei=9/&quot;The Civil-Military Crisis Is Here&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 7 October 2025

* A governmentwide reduction in force during the federal shutdown will touch an already lean U.S. Department of Education, the Trump administration said Friday, with the department’s office of elementary and secondary education potentially facing some of the most significant cuts. An Education Department spokesperson Friday confirmed the agency will be subject to the RIF but did not immediately answer how many positions would be part of the downsizing and in which department divisions. A spokesperson from the Office of Management and Budget—whose director, Russell Vought, announced the layoffs in a Friday post on X—called the government-wide reduction “substantial.”&lt;br&gt;The Education Department’s office of communication and outreach will see cuts to its state and local engagement team under the layoff, according to the union that represents department staff. Meanwhile, the office of elementary and secondary education, which oversees key programs such as Title I and enforcement of the Every Student Succeeds Act, will see cuts to all of its teams, the union said.&lt;br&gt;Others could still be affected, the union, a chapter of the American Federation of Government Employees, said.&lt;br&gt;“Once again, the Trump administration is acting as though they have impunity to cut staff from an already lean, efficient agency,” union president Rachel Gittleman said in a prepared statement. “Dismantling the government through mass firings, especially at the ED, is not the solution to our problems as a country.”&lt;br&gt;The layoffs were announced on the 10th day of the federal government shutdown, during which the Education Department had already furloughed roughly 87% of its staff after congressional lawmakers couldn’t come to an agreement to extend funding beyond the end of the fiscal year on Sept. 30.
** Brooke Schultz, [https://www.edweek.org/policy-politics/a-new-wave-of-federal-layoffs-will-hit-the-education-department/2025/10/&quot;A New Wave of Federal Layoffs Will Hit the Education Department&quot;], ''Education Week'', 10 October 2025

* A furlough is different from a layoff in that it’s temporary. Generally, federal employees have to be given 60 days’ notice before a layoff can take effect. The cuts will slash an Education Department that has grown substantially leaner since the start of the second Trump administration. The agency has shed nearly half its staff since the winter. Its footprint shrank from more than 4,000 staff to about 2,400 after the department announced layoffs in March.&lt;br&gt;The earlier layoffs touched just about every office within the department—though they cut more deeply in some places than others, such as the office for civil rights, which lost just under half its 562 positions and seven of its 12 regional offices. The office of elementary and secondary education, which employed 282 staff members in 2023, lost at least 49 positions in the March cuts.&lt;br&gt;(Meanwhile, the office’s new leader, Kirsten Baesler, was just confirmed by the U.S. Senate on Tuesday but can’t be sworn in until the shutdown ends.)
** Brooke Schultz, [https://www.edweek.org/policy-politics/a-new-wave-of-federal-layoffs-will-hit-the-education-department/2025/10/&quot;A New Wave of Federal Layoffs Will Hit the Education Department&quot;], ''Education Week'', 10 October 2025

* The earlier layoffs are being challenged in court by states and education leaders who say the department can’t carry out its congressionally mandated functions with fewer staff. Court orders delayed the layoffs, but higher courts have since allowed them to take effect.&lt;br&gt;The Education Department is among at least nine federal agencies subject to the shutdown RIF, according to Politico. The American Federation of Government Employees sued OMB last month for telling agencies to prepare RIF plans ahead of the shutdown. Normally, agencies prepare only to furlough staff during a shutdown and bring them back when the government reopens.&lt;br&gt;“It is disgraceful that the Trump administration has used the government shutdown as an excuse to illegally fire thousands of workers who provide critical services to communities across the country,” the union’s president, Everett Kelley, said in a prepared statement on Friday. “It’s time for Congress to do their jobs and negotiate an end to this shutdown immediately.”
** Brooke Schultz, [https://www.edweek.org/policy-politics/a-new-wave-of-federal-layoffs-will-hit-the-education-department/2025/10/&quot;A New Wave of Federal Layoffs Will Hit the Education Department&quot;], ''Education Week'', 10 October 2025

* Trump created his MAGA coalition based on fear of “the other,” which has historically been a potent political move (think Richard Nixon’s perfection of the Southern strategy and Ronald Reagan’s aggressive race-baiting with his fictional Chicago welfare queen, among many other dog whistles).&lt;br&gt;After America elected and then re-elected Barack Obama, not only a Black man but a constitutional scholar and an intellectual, to the presidency, the Republicans in Congress completely lost their minds and pledged to make him fail as president. They began to do all they could to shut down government and to excoriate Democrats, using the list of pejorative terms former House Speaker Newt Gingrich cribbed from conservative shock-jock Rush Limbaugh. The hard turn in Congress away from collegiality and compromise had begun.
** Kirk Swearingen, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/who-are-the-real-americans-we-are/ar-AA1Oh5s7?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68ea6d343f7c426b9fac059d9fde67be&amp;ei=15/&quot;Who are the real Americans? We are&quot;], ''Salon'', 11 October 2025

* We could argue the many, many inhumane points of Trumpist decrees if we were actually interested in discussing policy or, say, the mainline Christianity I once knew as a Presbyterian. But the Republican Party stopped working on policy — and started perverting Christianity — many election cycles back. Why? Largely because the GOP ran out of ideas that would fly with the American public (“Trickle-down” economics? C’mon, man!), and was assiduously courting the evangelical and Catholic religious right as a voting bloc. Meanwhile, “welcome-the-stranger” and “eye-of-the-needle” messages of Jesus had become entirely inconvenient for elite Republicans. With Trump, the Southern strategy morphed into something quite like a “Bring back the Jim Crow laws that inspired the Nazis” strategy.&lt;br&gt;To divert attention from their desire to give further assistance to the wealthy and corporations through tax breaks, they focused their energies on “othering” different groups: People of color, immigrants, Democrats, women and LGBTQ folks.&lt;br&gt;Of course, if you are part of the MAGA cult of personality, you don’t want to hear any of this. But we — progressives, liberals, Democrats, moderate Republicans (those horrible “RINOs”), people of faith and of no faith — are, frankly (to use a word Republicans love to utilize), the reasonable ones. There’s no question about it. To mimic Trump, everybody knows it. You do, too.
** Kirk Swearingen, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/who-are-the-real-americans-we-are/ar-AA1Oh5s7?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68ea6d343f7c426b9fac059d9fde67be&amp;ei=15/&quot;Who are the real Americans? We are&quot;], ''Salon'', 11 October 2025

* Government works pretty well all over the world, so long as well-meaning people with strong, relevant experience are put in leadership positions. Look at this deplorable Trump “administration,” filled to the brim with suck-ups, grifters, unhinged ideologues and conspiracy-theory kooks — each one, including the one playacting at the Resolute desk, astonishingly unqualified. The word for that kind of group being in charge is kakistocracy, which is an unhappy-sounding term that describes a devastatingly unhappy situation: government by the worst people. It sounds like something you might utter right before vomiting.&lt;br&gt;A white supremacist theocracy, installing this Trumpian reign of the corrupt, mean-spirited, and woefully incompetent? We are just as disappointed and angry as you are about predatory capitalism, which leaves many Americans homeless and many more without access to health care. And we are just as angry about the failures of our democracy, which, as Robert Reich recently pointed out, are almost entirely due to lobbying money in politics. Much of our political class takes legal bribes and serves the interests of those with the most money.
** Kirk Swearingen, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/who-are-the-real-americans-we-are/ar-AA1Oh5s7?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68ea6d343f7c426b9fac059d9fde67be&amp;ei=15/&quot;Who are the real Americans? We are&quot;], ''Salon'', 11 October 2025

* But we aren’t living in the wrong country. Our America is multicultural and all of us benefit, socially and economically — yes, even you — from that fact. Our America supports freedom of religious belief, including the freedom to hold none at all, because we do not have a national religion. Our America strives to make it easier for all citizens to exercise their right to vote. Our America believes in facts and the process of scientific discovery. Our America does not whitewash its history but learns from it.&lt;br&gt;Our America recoils from people who push their religious beliefs on others, or who denigrate women and other citizens who happen to be unlike them. Our America welcomes the strangers who come to this country with a desire to better their lives through hard work and community service. Our America supports public education and wants to make it stronger, not undermine it. Our America believes that a country should be judged by how it treats its least fortunate citizens. Our America is not ruled by a petty, vindictive despot wannabe with an outrageous history of criminal and socially abhorrent behavior who imagines he is king.&lt;br&gt;No, despite what the astonishingly corrupt, would-be Roman emperor occupying the White House tells you, we are not the enemy: we are Americans. We have tried to be true to the best, most idealistic of American values. In the meantime — and these truly are mean times, both in material and spiritual terms — we will serve the public good by standing up for the Constitution, the rule of law and the nonpartisan civil service, and we will argue for our own ideas on how we might make a better union.
** Kirk Swearingen, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/who-are-the-real-americans-we-are/ar-AA1Oh5s7?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=68ea6d343f7c426b9fac059d9fde67be&amp;ei=15/&quot;Who are the real Americans? We are&quot;], ''Salon'', 11 October 2025

==== November 2025 ====
* The only hope to save ourselves from Trump’s authoritarianism is mass movements. We must build alternative centers of power — including political parties, media, [[Labor history of the United States|labor unions]] and universities — to give a voice and agency to those who have been disempowered by our two ruling parties, especially the [[Working class in the United States|working class]] and working [[Poverty in the United States|poor]]. We must carry out strikes to cripple and thwart the abuses carried out by the emerging [[police state]]. We must champion a radical [[socialism]], which includes slashing the $1 trillion spent on the war industry and ending our suicidal addiction to fossil fuels, and lift up the lives of Americans cast aside in the wreckage of industrialization, declining wages, a decaying infrastructure and crippling [[austerity]] programs.
**[[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2025/11/04/chris-hedges-trumps-greatest-ally-is-the-democratic-party/ Trump’s Greatest Ally is The Democratic Party]. ScheerPost, November 4, 2025.

* '''El Presidente Trump is cast in the mold of all tinpot Latin American despots who terrorize their populations, surround themselves with sycophants, goons and crooks, and enrich themselves — Trump and his family have amassed more than $1.8 billion in cash and gifts from leveraging the presidency — while erecting tawdry monuments to themselves.'''
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2025/11/11/chris-hedges-america-is-a-banana-republic/  America Is a Banana Republic]. ScheerPost, November 11, 2025.

==== December 2025 ====
[[File:Seal of the United States Environmental Protection Agency.svg|thumb|The Environmental Protection Agency has removed any mention of fossil fuels — the main driver of global warming — from its popular online page explaining the causes of climate change. Now it only mentions natural phenomena, even though scientists calculate that nearly all of the warming is due to human activity.&lt;br&gt;Sometime in the past few days or weeks, EPA altered some but not all of its climate change webpages, de-emphasizing and even deleting references to the burning of coal, oil and natural gas, which scientists say is the overwhelming cause of climate change. ~ Seth Borenstein]]
[[File:Transgender flag with prohibition sign.jpg|thumb|Trump administration health officials announced Thursday that the federal government will block transgender care to children by targeting hospitals and doctors that provide it. New proposed rules would prohibit hospitals from participating in Medicare and Medicaid if they provide care such as puberty blockers and surgeries for transgender minors, and would prevent federal coverage of such treatments. ~ Jamie Gumbrecht &amp; Sarah Owermohle]]

* The combination of Trump’s xenophobic rhetoric and policy has created a poisonous national environment, one not easily fixed. The problem is that, as hateful and awful as his actions are, he campaigned on carrying them out. He ran in large part on bigotry and won. During Trump’s debate with Democratic candidate Kamala Harris, he said of Haitian immigrants in Ohio, “They’re eating the dogs, the people that came in, they’re eating the cats. They’re eating the pets of the people that live there.” We knew about the lie-fueled fear he was trying to spread. In addition, Trump directly stated that he planned to carry out the largest deportation program in U.S. history. We knew what his intentions were, but we still weren’t paying enough attention. Perhaps no one fully expected the lengths Trump would go to, but either way America is facing the consequences. After the 2024 election, I wrote in an edition of this column that “America has chosen hate.” At our present moment, I deeply wish I had been wrong.&lt;br&gt;As our government spreads hate through racism and xenophobia, we must pay more attention. As you go through your day, thinking of so many other different things, pay attention to the dehumanization of immigrants. Pay attention to the families being ripped apart by sudden arrests and deportations. Pay attention to every new policy that makes it harder for hardworking people to migrate and make a living in the America we once proudly celebrated as diverse. Pay attention, because history has many examples for those who fall into the trap of repeating its bitter bigotry.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2025/12/04/patricks-politics-pay-attention-to-trumps-anti-immigrant-hatred/&quot;Pay attention to Trump’s anti-immigrant hatred&quot;], ''The Daily Campus'', 4 December 2025

* The days of the United States propping up the entire world order like [[w:Atlas (mythology)|Atlas]] are over.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/12/05/europe/trump-national-security-plan-europe-latam-intl Trump lays bare his contempt for Europe in blistering new national security plan], CNN (Dec 5, 2025)

* '''The Environmental Protection Agency has removed any mention of fossil fuels — the main driver of global warming — from its popular online page explaining the causes of climate change. Now it only mentions natural phenomena, even though scientists calculate that nearly all of the warming is due to human activity.'''&lt;br&gt;Sometime in the past few days or weeks, EPA altered some but not all of its climate change webpages, de-emphasizing and even deleting references to the burning of coal, oil and natural gas, which scientists say is the overwhelming cause of climate change.''' The website's causes of climate page mentions changes in Earth’s orbit, solar activity, Earth's reflectivity, volcanoes and natural carbon dioxide changes, but not the burning of fossil fuels. Seven scientists and three former EPA officials tell ''The Associated Press'' that this is misleading and harmful.
** Seth Borenstein, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/weather/topstories/epa-eliminates-mention-of-fossil-fuels-in-website-on-warming-s-causes-scientists-call-it-misleading/ar-AA1S26ru?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69395c9f68664a409d3383c70b753dc2&amp;ei=8/&quot;EPA eliminates mention of fossil fuels in website on warming's causes. Scientists call it misleading&quot;], ''Associated Press'', 9 December 2025

* '''Trump administration health officials announced Thursday that the federal government will block transgender care to children by targeting hospitals and doctors that provide it. New proposed rules would prohibit hospitals from participating in Medicare and Medicaid if they provide care such as puberty blockers and surgeries for transgender minors, and would prevent federal coverage of such treatments.'''&lt;br&gt;“These procedures fail to meet professionally recognized standards of care,” US Health and Human Services Secretary [[Robert F. Kennedy Jr.|Robert F. Kennedy Jr.]] said, calling many types of transgender care “malpractice.” “Medical professionals or entities providing sex-rejecting procedures to children are out of compliance with these standards of health care.”&lt;br&gt;Medical groups denounced the announcements, saying they intrude on physician-patient relationships and jeopardize care for everyone.&lt;br&gt;“Allowing the government to determine which patient groups deserve care sets a dangerous precedent, and children and families will bear the consequences,” said Dr. Susan Kressly, president of the American Academy of Pediatrics.
** Jamie Gumbrecht &amp; Sarah Owermohle, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/other/trump-moves-to-ban-transgender-care-for-minors-by-targeting-hospitals/ar-AA1SCfuh?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6944676570c24510a02669dd7ef64394&amp;ei=11/&quot;Trump moves to ban transgender care for minors by targeting hospitals&quot;], CNN, 18 December 2025

* “Patients, their families, and their physicians – not politicians or government officials – should be the ones to make decisions together about what care is best for them. The government’s actions today make that task harder, if not impossible, for families of gender-diverse and transgender youth.”&lt;br&gt;It’s the latest in a string of actions by President Donald Trump’s administration that target transgender people, including eliminating mention of trans people on federal websites, halting data collection on health issues, removing trans people from the military and suing states that allow trans athletes to play on high school sports teams.&lt;br&gt;Also Thursdsay, US Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Dr. Marty Makary said the agency is sending warning letters to 12 makers and sellers of breast binders who marketed or sold the devices for treatment of gender dysphoria in children. National Institutes of Health Director Dr. Jay Bhattacharya also said the research agency will end support for research into gender transition, saying, “it was junk science to begin with.”
** Jamie Gumbrecht &amp; Sarah Owermohle, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/other/trump-moves-to-ban-transgender-care-for-minors-by-targeting-hospitals/ar-AA1SCfuh?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6944676570c24510a02669dd7ef64394&amp;ei=11/&quot;Trump moves to ban transgender care for minors by targeting hospitals&quot;], CNN, 18 December 2025

* HHS leaders on Thursday cited their own review of evidence and reports from other countries, many of which have faced sharp criticism for drawing sweeping conclusions with little or poor evidence.&lt;br&gt;Health officials said they expect to emphasize psychosocial assessment and support for transgender youth, including “compassionate, developmentally appropriate counseling.” But they acknowledged that there are a limited number of mental health care providers available.&lt;br&gt;Gender identity care, which is sometimes called gender-affirming care, is a multidisciplinary approach to help a person transition from their assigned gender – the one a clinician assigned them at birth, based mostly on anatomic characteristics – to the gender by which they identify. It can include mental health care or age-appropriate medical care such as hormone treatments, puberty blockers, gynecologic and urologic care and reproductive treatments.&lt;br&gt;Major mainstream medical associations – including the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the Endocrine Society, the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Child &amp; Adolescent Psychiatry – have supported such care and agree that it’s the gold standard of clinically appropriate care that can provide lifesaving treatment for children and adults. Professional medical organizations do not recommend surgery for children as a part of care, and research shows that it’s rare among transgender or gender-diverse teens.
** Jamie Gumbrecht &amp; Sarah Owermohle, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/other/trump-moves-to-ban-transgender-care-for-minors-by-targeting-hospitals/ar-AA1SCfuh?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6944676570c24510a02669dd7ef64394&amp;ei=11/&quot;Trump moves to ban transgender care for minors by targeting hospitals&quot;], CNN, 18 December 2025

* The American Civil Liberties Union said Thursday that it will challenge the administration’s rules in court. “These gratuitous proposals are cruel and unconstitutional attacks on the rights of transgender youth and their families,” Chase Strangio, co-director of the ACLU’s LGBTQ and HIV Rights Project, said in a statement. Kennedy said Thursday that the administration is confident it’s approach will pass court challenges. “If people sue us, they’re welcome to,” he said.&lt;br&gt;The HHS announcement came just after the House passed a bill that could imprison health care providers for providing trans care for minors. The bill, sponsored by Republican Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia, could imprison doctors who provide care such as surgeries or puberty blockers for up to 10 years. It’s unclear whether the GOP-led Senate will take up the measure, though it is unlikely it would get enough Democratic support to pass out of that chamber.
** Jamie Gumbrecht &amp; Sarah Owermohle, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/other/trump-moves-to-ban-transgender-care-for-minors-by-targeting-hospitals/ar-AA1SCfuh?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6944676570c24510a02669dd7ef64394&amp;ei=11/&quot;Trump moves to ban transgender care for minors by targeting hospitals&quot;], CNN, 18 December 2025

* Merry Christmas to all, including the Radical Left Scum that is doing everything possible to destroy our Country, but are failing badly. We no longer have Open Borders, [[Transphobia in the United States|Men in Women’s Sports, Transgender for Everyone]], or Weak Law Enforcement. What we do have is a Record Stock Market and 401K’s, Lowest Crime numbers in decades, No Inflation, and yesterday, a 4.3 GDP, two points better than expected. Tariffs have given us Trillions of Dollars in Growth and Prosperity, and the strongest National Security we have ever had. We are respected again, perhaps like never before. God Bless America!!! President DJT
** Donald Trump in dual posts on Twitter and Truth Social on 25 December 2025[https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/2004012442427277591?s=20]

* The Trump administration has given us precious little to be thankful for this year. As 2025 draws to a close, history will remember it as a year scarred by the chaos of a White House that seemed intent on breaking the back of our democracy once and for all. It’s a psychologically exhausting time for the millions already coping with a sagging job market and rising consumer prices.&lt;br&gt;A year-in-review posted by Mediaite lists dozens upon dozens of Trump’s scandals, crises and abuses while still failing to capture the full scope of incompetence and malice that defines this administration. Millions from all walks of life spent the year grappling with political earthquakes brought on by a nonfunctional and increasingly irrelevant Congress, a Supreme Court complicit in Trump’s radicalization of ICE, and a historic, tariff-driven wave of small business bankruptcies. As Mediaite discovered in its own attempt to catalogue the damage, the aftershocks are simply too numerous to count.&lt;br&gt;On the eve of America’s 250th birthday, what should be a celebration of enduring freedom feels in many ways like a looming funeral. 2025 saw the shredding of America’s social fabric to the point that Democrats and Republicans now seem to inhabit two mutually exclusive realities. ‘One nation under God’ has quickly become many nations under grievance.
** Max Burns, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/opinion-trump-presides-over-america-s-coming-apart/ar-AA1TlLqt?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6955463381fb4a7a9ffdbbc451ded704&amp;ei=12/&quot;Opinion: Trump presides over America’s coming-apart&quot;], ''The Hill'', 31 December 2025

* A Pew Research Center survey published this month shows just how far things have fallen in the opening decades of the 21st century. Back in 2001, 54 percent of Americans reported trusting the federal government, a slight increase from the 47 percent who felt that way in the 1980s. Now, public trust in government is scraping historic lows across every metric: As of 2025, only 17 percent of Americans believe that what their government is telling them is true.&lt;br&gt;That doubt goes far beyond just factually impaired politicians like Trump, too. As PBS News reported in October, fewer and fewer people trust government inflation numbers or jobs reports — thanks in large part to Trump’s constant demands that labor and economic statistics serve his political interests instead of reflecting objective reality. Public officials who were unwilling to fudge their numbers in order to make Trump look good quickly found themselves out of their jobs, as ousted Bureau of Labor statistics commissioner Erika McEntarfer discovered in August.&lt;br&gt;Pew data from September reveals that the collapse of public trust in institutions is widespread. Most Americans now believe the Supreme Court has become too powerful and too unaccountable. Public approval of the nation’s highest court has fallen by nearly 25 percent since 2020, with a majority now viewing the court’s justices unfavorably.
** Max Burns, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/opinion-trump-presides-over-america-s-coming-apart/ar-AA1TlLqt?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6955463381fb4a7a9ffdbbc451ded704&amp;ei=12/&quot;Opinion: Trump presides over America’s coming-apart&quot;], ''The Hill'', 31 December 2025

* Americans’ record level of distrust isn’t confined to the government. A Gallup poll found that trust in the media hit a new low of 28 percent in the back half of the year, with more than one-third of respondents saying they didn’t trust the news “at all.” Voting-age Americans now get their news from a larger number of sources than ever, from social media outlets like TikTok and X to YouTube influencers and, occasionally, even legacy news outlets like the ''New York Times''. Yet poll after poll suggests they are unlikely to trust any news except that which confirms their pre-existing political beliefs, which makes compromise — and even reasoned political discussion — all but impossible.&lt;br&gt;Most Americans don’t even trust their own neighbors or family members anymore. Nearly half of Americans now think members of the opposing political party are “evil.” Political polarization has increased so dramatically that both sides now routinely label their opponents as threats to democracy itself. Things have grown so tense that one in five American households report experiencing family estrangement due to political disagreements. Our families are quite literally collapsing from the weight of our all-consuming political and social hatreds.
** Max Burns, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/opinion-trump-presides-over-america-s-coming-apart/ar-AA1TlLqt?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6955463381fb4a7a9ffdbbc451ded704&amp;ei=12/&quot;Opinion: Trump presides over America’s coming-apart&quot;], ''The Hill'', 31 December 2025

* '''If it feels like things are falling apart in America, it’s because they are. Our institutions, our media, even our families are falling victim to the toxicity of a culture in which politics now consumes every aspect of our lives and finds itself amplified by a president who wields divisiveness like an artist uses a paintbrush.'''&lt;br&gt;'''That will only get worse as our nation careens into what is certain to be a brutal 2026 midterm election campaign. America may still be here, but we mark its 250th birthday anything but united.'''
** Max Burns, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/opinion-trump-presides-over-america-s-coming-apart/ar-AA1TlLqt?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6955463381fb4a7a9ffdbbc451ded704&amp;ei=12/&quot;Opinion: Trump presides over America’s coming-apart&quot;], ''The Hill'', 31 December 2025

* President Donald Trump announced Wednesday that he’s withdrawing the National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles and Portland but left the door open to sending federal forces “in a much different and stronger form.” His announcement comes after the US Supreme Court last week rejected his request to allow him to deploy the guard to Chicago to protect ICE agents as part of the administration’s ongoing immigration crackdown.&lt;br&gt;“We are removing the National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles, and Portland, despite the fact that CRIME has been greatly reduced by having these great Patriots in those cities, and ONLY by that fact,” Trump wrote on Truth Social, arguing that those cities would be “gone if it weren’t for the Federal Government stepping in.” He suggested the possibility of future deployments, writing, “We will come back, perhaps in a much different and stronger form, when crime begins to soar again - Only a question of time!”
** Donald Judd, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/trump-says-he-s-withdrawing-national-guard-from-chicago-los-angeles-and-portland/ar-AA1TmR7k?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695654fa6e0e464a93c434629581b80f&amp;ei=11/&quot;Trump says he’s withdrawing National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles and Portland&quot;], CNN, 31 December 2025

* In blocking the guard deployment to Chicago, the Supreme Court suggested that a president’s power to federalize the guard — which federal law allows when he can no longer execute the laws of the United States with “regular forces” — would not apply to protecting agents enforcing immigration laws.&lt;br&gt;While the ruling was a blow to his administration’s efforts to crack down on illegal immigration, it appeared likely Trump could still invoke the Insurrection Act to deploy regular forces to Chicago and other cities. Invoking the 19th century law — a controversial move that Trump and his aides repeatedly teased during the 2024 campaign and early in the second term — would give him broad authority to evade restrictions on using the military domestically.&lt;br&gt;A separate National Guard deployment that Trump authorized in New Orleans began Tuesday as part of a heavy security presence for New Year’s celebrations a year after an attack on revelers on Bourbon Street killed 14 people. And Trump gave no indication he is pulling back from using the National Guard in Washington, DC, where it is operating under a different federal law that was not at issue before the Supreme Court.
** Donald Judd, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/trump-says-he-s-withdrawing-national-guard-from-chicago-los-angeles-and-portland/ar-AA1TmR7k?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695654fa6e0e464a93c434629581b80f&amp;ei=11/&quot;Trump says he’s withdrawing National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles and Portland&quot;], CNN, 31 December 2025

* Trump’s withdrawal announcement was welcomed by California Attorney General Rob Bonta, a Democrat, who said in a statement the administration was using the guard as “political pawns” and blasted Trump as “a President desperate to be a king.”&lt;br&gt;“While our rule of law remains under threat, our democratic institutions are holding,” Bonta wrote. “My office is not backing down — and we’re ready for whatever fights lie ahead.”
** Donald Judd, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/trump-says-he-s-withdrawing-national-guard-from-chicago-los-angeles-and-portland/ar-AA1TmR7k?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695654fa6e0e464a93c434629581b80f&amp;ei=11/&quot;Trump says he’s withdrawing National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles and Portland&quot;], CNN, 31 December 2025

* A federal judge had previously ordered the return of control of the California National Guard to Democratic Gov. Gavin Newsom, but that ruling had been paused while the administration appealed. The Trump administration said in court papers on Tuesday that it was no longer requesting a pause on that portion of the order. On Wednesday, the US Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit upheld the lower court order and directed the Trump administration to return control of the troops to Newsom.&lt;br&gt;“About time @realDonaldTrump admitted defeat,” Newsom said in a post on X. “We’ve said it from day one: the federal takeover of California’s National Guard is illegal.”&lt;br&gt;Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker, a Democrat, echoed similar sentiments in response to Trump’s announcement.&lt;br&gt;“He lost in court when Illinois stood up against his attempt to militarize American cities with the National Guard,” Pritzker said on social media. “Now Trump is forced to stand down.”
** Donald Judd, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/trump-says-he-s-withdrawing-national-guard-from-chicago-los-angeles-and-portland/ar-AA1TmR7k?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695654fa6e0e464a93c434629581b80f&amp;ei=11/&quot;Trump says he’s withdrawing National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles and Portland&quot;], CNN, 31 December 2025

=== 2026 ===
==== January 2026 ====
[[File:President Nicolas Maduro on board the USS Iwo Jima (cropped).png|thumb|In a move that stunned the world, the United States bombed Venezuela and abducted President Nicolas Maduro amid condemnation and plaudits. The legality of the strikes, which killed more than 100 people, has been heavily questioned by the United Nations and legal experts. ~ Julio Blanca]]
[[File:Flag of Greenland.svg|thumb|Greenland belongs to its people. It is for Denmark and Greenland, and them only, to decide on matters concerning Denmark and Greenland.]]
[[File:Coat of arms of Greenland.svg|thumb|Sure, technically it belongs to Denmark. But aside from the dozens of Danish soldiers who died alongside U.S. troops in Afghanistan and Iraq, what have the Danes really done for us lately? ~ ''Duffel Blog'']]
[[File:Denmark-Greenland (orthographic projection).svg|thumb| This is not more complicated than the fact that Trump wants a giant island with his name on it. He wouldn’t think twice about putting our troops in danger if it makes him feel big and strong. The US military is not a toy. ~ [[Ruben Gallego]]]]
[[File:ICE Agents in Minneapolis After Shooting.jpg|thumb|The alarm was warranted. Everyone on the scene had witnessed the crossing of a crucial line in Donald Trump’s mass-deportation project: ICE had just killed an American citizen on American soil.&lt;br&gt;The administration has since declared that the agent “is protected by absolute immunity,” whatever that means, a signal of unconditional support for an agency bloated with thousands of new, heavily armed, and minimally trained recruits, deployed around the country to help achieve Trump’s goal of deporting 1 million immigrants a year. Events such as Good’s death set the stage for yet more lethal confrontations, which the administration can be trusted to defend with the same specious pretext. What is now overt, in a way that it hadn’t been Wednesday morning, is that these agents are at war with the public, and have been for some time. ~ Elizabeth Bruenig]]
[[File:Arrest This Murderer, Minneapolis (55028772697).jpg|thumb|Protesters in Minneapolis have since flooded the streets in the thousands, and ICE agents have responded by apprehending some, shoving others to the ground, and spraying chemical irritants in their faces. These incidents have ignited mass demonstrations nationwide, in which protesters have wailed “Shame” and “Murder,” banged drums, screeched from metal whistles, and hoisted signs declaring what is no longer deniable: ICE kills. ~ Elizabeth Bruenig]]

* '''In a move that stunned the world, the United States bombed Venezuela and abducted President Nicolas Maduro amid condemnation and plaudits.'''&lt;br&gt;In a news conference on Saturday at his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida, US President Donald Trump praised the operation to seize Maduro as one of the “most stunning, effective and powerful displays of American military might and competence in American history”. It was the riskiest and most high-profile military operation sanctioned by Washington since the US Navy’s SEAL team killed al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden in a safe house in Pakistan’s Abbottabad in 2011.&lt;br&gt;News of the 63-year-old Maduro being abducted took over the global news cycle. After months of escalation and threats over Maduro’s alleged involvement in shipping drugs to the US, the Trump administration had increased pressure on Caracas with a military buildup in the Caribbean and a series of deadly missile attacks on alleged drug-running boats. '''The legality of the strikes, which killed more than 100 people, has been heavily questioned by the United Nations and legal experts.''' The US had also offered a $50m reward for information leading to Maduro’s arrest.&lt;br&gt;But while the military was conducting operations in the Caribbean, US intelligence had been gathering information about Maduro. Meanwhile, special forces were covertly rehearsing a plan to forcibly remove him from power.
** Julio Blanca, [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/1/4/how-the-us-attack-on-venezuela-abduction-of-maduro-unfolded/&quot;How the US attack on Venezuela, abduction of Maduro unfolded&quot;], ''Aljazeera'', 4 January 2026

* During his news conference on Saturday, Trump announced that the US would “run” Venezuela until a new leader was chosen. “We’re going to make sure that country is run properly. We’re not doing this in vain,” he said. “This is a very dangerous attack. This is an attack that could have gone very, very badly.” The president did not rule out deploying US troops in the country and said he was “not afraid of boots on the ground if we have to”. Trump also, somewhat surprisingly, ruled out working with opposition figure and Nobel Peace Prize winner Maria Corina Machado, who had dedicated her prize, which he wanted to win himself, to the US president. “She doesn’t have the support within, or the respect within, the country,” he said.&lt;br&gt;The Constitutional Chamber of Venezuela’s Supreme Court ordered Vice President Delcy Rodriguez to serve as acting president following the US’s abduction of Maduro. The court ruled that Rodriguez would assume “the office of President of the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela, in order to guarantee administrative continuity and the comprehensive defence of the Nation”. The court also said it would work to “determine the applicable legal framework to guarantee the continuity of the State, the administration of government, and the defense of sovereignty in the face of the forced absence of the President of the Republic”.&lt;br&gt;Trump had said earlier on Saturday that the US would not occupy Venezuela, provided Rodriguez “does what we want”.
** Julio Blanca, [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/1/4/how-the-us-attack-on-venezuela-abduction-of-maduro-unfolded/&quot;How the US attack on Venezuela, abduction of Maduro unfolded&quot;], ''Aljazeera'', 4 January 2026

* Donald Trump has again proposed annexing Greenland, after Denmark's leader urged him to &quot;stop the threats&quot; over the island. Speaking to reporters, the US president said &quot;we need Greenland from the standpoint of national security&quot;. Trump has repeatedly raised the prospect of the semi-autonomous Danish territory becoming an annexed part of the US, citing its strategic location for defence purposes and mineral wealth. Greenland's Prime Minister Jens Frederik Nielsen responded by saying &quot;that's enough now&quot; and described the notion of US control over the island as a &quot;fantasy&quot;. He said: &quot;No more pressure. No more insinuations. No more fantasies of annexation. We are open to dialogue. We are open to discussions. But this must happen through the proper channels and with respect for international law.&quot;&lt;br&gt;Earlier, Denmark's Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen had said &quot;the US has no right to annex any of the three nations in the Danish kingdom&quot;. Frederiksen added that Denmark &quot;and thus Greenland&quot; was a Nato member and covered by the alliance's security guarantee, and said a defence agreement granting the US access to the island was already in place.
** Thomas Mackintosh &amp; Nick Beake, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4g0zg974v1o/&quot;'We need Greenland': Trump repeats threat to annex Danish territory&quot;], BBC, 5 January 2026

* '''We live in a world in which you can talk all you want about international niceties and everything else, but we live in a world, in the real world, Jake, that is governed by strength, that is governed by force, that is governed by power.''' These are the iron laws of the world that have existed since the beginning of time. The United States … we are in charge because we have the United States military stationed outside the country. We set the terms and conditions. We have a complete embargo on all of their oil and their ability to do commerce.
** [[Stephen Miller]] regarding [[w:2026 United States strikes in Venezuela|US strikes in Venezuela]] &amp; Donald Trump's repeated threats to invade Greenland, [https://transcripts.cnn.com/show/cg/date/2026-01-05/segment/01 Interview on ''The Lead with Jake Tapper'' (5 January 2026)], 5 January 2026

* '''[[Donald Trump|The President]] has been clear for months now that the [[United States]] should be the [[nation]] that has [[Greenland]] as part of our overall security apparatus … that has been the formal position of the U.S. [[government]] [[w:Foreign policy of the second Trump administration|since the beginning of this administration]], frankly, going back into the [[w:Foreign policy of the first Trump administration|previous Trump administration]], that [[w:American expansionism under Donald Trump|Greenland should be part of the United States]].''' &lt;br /&gt; '''The President has been very clear about that. That is the formal position of the U.S. government.'''
** [[Stephen Miller]] regarding [[w:2026 United States strikes in Venezuela|US strikes in Venezuela]] &amp; Donald Trump's repeated threats to invade Greenland, [https://transcripts.cnn.com/show/cg/date/2026-01-05/segment/01 Interview on ''The Lead with Jake Tapper'' (5 January 2026)], 5 January 2026

* The Danish prime minister released her statement after Katie Miller - the wife of one of Trump's senior aides, Stephen Miller - posted on social media a map of Greenland in the colours of the American flag alongside the word &quot;SOON&quot;.&lt;br&gt;The Danish ambassador to the US responded to the post by Miller - a right-wing podcaster and former aide to Trump during his first term - with a &quot;friendly reminder&quot; that the two countries were allies and saying Denmark expected respect for its territorial integrity.&lt;br&gt;The back and forth over the future Greenland comes in the wake of a major military operation against Venezuela on Saturday, seizing its president Nicolás Maduro and his wife and removing them to New York. Trump later said the US would &quot;run&quot; Venezuela and US oil companies would &quot;start making money for the country&quot;.&lt;br&gt;The situation has reignited fears that the US may consider using force to secure control of Greenland, a vast island in the Arctic - something the US president has previously refused to rule out. Trump has claimed that making it part of the United States would serve American security interests due to its strategic location and its abundance of minerals critical to high-tech sectors.
** Thomas Mackintosh &amp; Nick Beake, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4g0zg974v1o/&quot;'We need Greenland': Trump repeats threat to annex Danish territory&quot;], BBC, 5 January 2026

* The Trump administration's recent move to appoint a special envoy to Greenland prompted anger in Denmark. Greenland, which has a population of 57,000 people, has had extensive self-government since 1979, though defence and foreign policy remain in Danish hands. While most Greenlanders favour eventual independence from Denmark, opinion polls show overwhelming opposition to becoming part of the US.&lt;br&gt;In comments to the BBC, UK Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer said that only Denmark and Greenland could decide the territory's fate. &quot;Greenland and the Kingdom of Denmark must decide the future of Greenland, and only Greenland and the Kingdom of Denmark,&quot; he said.&lt;br&gt;Separately, a representative for the European Union has rejected a claim by Trump that the EU &quot;needs&quot; the US to control the territory. Trump told reporters aboard Air Force One at the weekend that &quot;the EU needs us to have [Greenland] and they know that.&quot; European Commission chief spokesperson Paula Pinho told the BBC that it was &quot;certainly not&quot; the EU's position, adding that she was unaware of any discussions with the US about the issue.
** Thomas Mackintosh &amp; Nick Beake, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4g0zg974v1o/&quot;'We need Greenland': Trump repeats threat to annex Danish territory&quot;], BBC, 5 January 2026

* Norwegian leaders are making it clear that they continue to strongly support  their Danish counterparts’ efforts to defend the Kingdom of Denmark, which has sovereignty over Denmark, Greenland and the Færoe Islands. US Donald Trump’s threats to take over Greenland, they say, would not only be another US violation of the Rule of Law but also a violation of the NATO pact.
** Nina Berglund, [https://www.newsinenglish.no/2026/01/06/norway-stands-firm-with-denmark-warns-us-will-violate-nato-pact/&quot;Norway stands firm with Denmark, warns Trump will violate NATO pact&quot;], ''News In English'', 6 January 2026

* “My starting point is that it won’t happen,” Norwegian Foreign Minister Espen Barth Eide told newspaper Aftenposten after Trump claimed once again that “we need Greenland.” Trump’s latest remarks to reporters came just after he’d ordered a military intervention in Venezuela that Norway called a violation of the Rule of Law. Trump’s remarks also prompted Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen to quickly respond that the “USA has no right to annex one of the three countries in our kingdom.” That further prompted Norway’s own prime minister, Jonas Gahr Støre, to confirm his support for Frederiksen on national radio Monday morning.&lt;br&gt;“We have to speak out about how Greenland is part of the Kingdom of Denmark, and its (future) is up to the Danes and the Greenlanders,” Støre said on state broadcaster NRK’s popular morning talkshow Politisk kvarter. The program had invited both Støre and the head of the opposition in the Norwegian Parliament, Sylvi Listhaug of the right-wing Progress Party, to a New Year’s debate that took a new turn after Trump’s remarks during the night before.&lt;br&gt;Listhaug and Støre are usually at odds on most issues, but in this case, she firmly supported both Støre and Denmark. Listhaug called Trump’s grab for Greenland “completely unacceptable” and stressed that “international rules” must apply.
** Nina Berglund, [https://www.newsinenglish.no/2026/01/06/norway-stands-firm-with-denmark-warns-us-will-violate-nato-pact/&quot;Norway stands firm with Denmark, warns Trump will violate NATO pact&quot;], ''News In English'', 6 January 2026

* The Danes can point to their own right to Greenland through their national sovereignty laws, and that the population of Greenland is nearly twice what Miller claimed: 57,000. Military experts and researchers in Denmark also deny Trump’s claim that Chinese and Russian ships are lurking all around Greenland, calling it an attempt to legitimize his takeover attempt. The Danish Parliament’s foreign affairs committee was calling in members for a crisis meeting Tuesday night.
** Nina Berglund, [https://www.newsinenglish.no/2026/01/06/norway-stands-firm-with-denmark-warns-us-will-violate-nato-pact/&quot;Norway stands firm with Denmark, warns Trump will violate NATO pact&quot;], ''News In English'', 6 January 2026

* Head Start early childhood programs are fighting back against the Trump administration in a lawsuit after being told words like “Black,” “disability,” “female,” “minority,” “trauma,” “tribal,” and “women&quot; must be removed from funding applications — or be denied, NPR reports. The list, submitted Dec. 5, includes 200 words, including “accessible&quot; and &quot;belong&quot; in a lawsuit from programs in states including Pennsylvania, Washington, Wisconsin, and Illinois, all against the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) and Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. The group argues that the Trump administration’s diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) ban in federal programs conflicts with Head Start’s statutory mandate, which includes providing “linguistically and culturally appropriate” services, in addition to early intervention services for disabled children.&lt;br&gt;The list revelation came after the executive director of a Wisconsin-based Head Start program submitted a Sept. 30, 2025, application for funding and was rejected after 50 years. Two months later, the director, Mary Roe, said she received two emails from HHS instructing her to “please remove the following words from your application&quot; — a total of 19 words, including &quot;racism,” “race,” and “racial” were listed.&lt;br&gt;Her application was returned, but shortly after, Roe received another email from her appointed HHS program specialist saying, “I wanted to follow up with you concerning your application.&quot; &quot;I sent it back asking for the removal of particular words, and I wanted to provide you with the complete list of words to make sure they are not in your applications,&quot; the specialist explained.
** Sharelle B. McNair, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/say-what-words-like-black-women-disability-and-tribal-are-now-banned-from-head-start-grant-applications/ar-AA1THu1w?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695e43d499394a849d658617dc70e7a5&amp;ei=14/&quot;Say what? Words like ‘Black,' ‘Women,' ‘Disability,' and ‘Tribal' are now banned from Head Start grant applications&quot;], ''Black Enterprise'', 6 January 2026

* Roe labels the issue an “impossible situation” since the federal Head Start Act contains many of the words that programs are now being forced to avoid. One of Head Start’s longstanding responsibilities is “to create inclusive and accessible classrooms for children with disabilities,” but now HHS is pushing against the words “disability,” “disabilities,” and “inclusion” in funding applications.&lt;br&gt;With the list now out in the public, Head Start centers could be forced to eliminate the definition of DEI, which the former lead of the Office of Child Care, Ruth Friedman, calls fear. &quot;Grantees are sort of self-selecting out of those activities beforehand because of fear and direction they're getting from the Office of Head Start that they can't do these important research-based activities anymore that are important for children's learning and that are actually required by law,&quot; Friedman, who served under former President Joe Biden, said, according to Associated Press.&lt;br&gt;The move is another attack on DEI handed down by President Donald Trump who signed a January 2025 executive order labeling “illegal DEI and DEIA policies not only violate the text and spirit of our longstanding Federal civil-rights laws&quot; but &quot;also undermine our national unity, as they deny, discredit, and undermine the traditional American values of hard work, excellence, and individual achievement in favor of an unlawful, corrosive, and pernicious identity-based spoils system.” Since then, the domino effect targeted college campuses, retail, nonprofits, grants, and more.
** Sharelle B. McNair, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/say-what-words-like-black-women-disability-and-tribal-are-now-banned-from-head-start-grant-applications/ar-AA1THu1w?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695e43d499394a849d658617dc70e7a5&amp;ei=14/&quot;Say what? Words like ‘Black,' ‘Women,' ‘Disability,' and ‘Tribal' are now banned from Head Start grant applications&quot;], ''Black Enterprise'', 6 January 2026

* '''This is not more complicated than the fact that Trump wants a giant island with his name on it. He wouldn’t think twice about putting our troops in danger if it makes him feel big and strong. The US military is not a toy.'''
** [[Ruben Gallego]], U.S. Senator from Arizona in a post on Twitter on 6 January 2026, as quoted in [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/republican-breaks-with-trump-over-greenland-remarks-not-an-asset/ar-AA1TItt5?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695e0a740c324cb38d7cfeea4c12dbb0&amp;ei=22/&quot;Republican breaks with Trump over Greenland remarks: &quot;Not an asset&quot;&quot;] by Anna Commander, ''Newsweek'', 6 January 2026

* We must see it as an ally, not an asset, and focus on continued partnership rather than possession.
** [[Lisa Murkowski]], U.S. Senator from Alaska regarding Donald Trump's repeated threats to invade Greenland, as quoted in [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/republican-breaks-with-trump-over-greenland-remarks-not-an-asset/ar-AA1TItt5?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695e0a740c324cb38d7cfeea4c12dbb0&amp;ei=22/&quot;Republican breaks with Trump over Greenland remarks: &quot;Not an asset&quot;&quot;] by Anna Commander, ''Newsweek'', 6 January 2026

* Arctic security remains a key priority for Europe and it is critical for international and transatlantic security. NATO has made clear that the Arctic region is a priority and European Allies are stepping up. We and many other Allies have increased our presence, activities and investments, to keep the Arctic safe and to deter adversaries. The Kingdom of Denmark – including Greenland – is part of NATO. Security in the Arctic must therefore be achieved collectively, in conjunction with NATO allies including the United States, by upholding the principles of the UN Charter, including sovereignty, territorial integrity and the inviolability of borders. These are universal principles, and we will not stop defending them.&lt;br&gt;The United States is an essential partner in this endeavour, as a NATO ally and through the defence agreement between the Kingdom of Denmark and the United States of 1951. '''Greenland belongs to its people. It is for Denmark and Greenland, and them only, to decide on matters concerning Denmark and Greenland.'''
** Join statement issued by President [[Emmanuel Macron|Macron]] of France, Chancellor Merz of Germany, Prime Minister Meloni of Italy, Prime Minister Tusk of Poland, Prime Minister Sánchez of Spain, Prime Minister Starmer of the United Kingdom and Prime Minister Frederiksen of Denmark on Greenland, [https://stm.dk/statsministeriet/publikationer/faellesudtalelse-om-groenland/&quot;Joint Statement on Greenland&quot;], 6 January 2026

* Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen on Monday said that a US takeover of Greenland would mean the end of the NATO military alliance. On Tuesday, Frederiksen released a joint statement with the leaders of Germany, France, Italy, Poland, Spain and the UK reiterating that European allies were stepping up &quot;to keep the Arctic safe and to deter adversaries.&quot; It comes after US President Donald Trump renewed his calls for the large Arctic island, which is an autonomous territory of Denmark, to come under Washington's control. Frederiksen said that &quot;everything would stop&quot; when it comes to cooperation with Washington in the event of a US attack on another NATO member. &quot;If the United States decides to attack another NATO country, then everything would stop — that includes NATO and therefore post-World War II security,&quot; Frederiksen said.&lt;br&gt;Meanwhile, Greenland's prime minister, Jens-Frederik Nielsen, called for the territory to restore &quot;good cooperation&quot; with the United States and urged Greenlanders not to &quot;panic.&quot; &quot;The situation is not such that the United States can conquer Greenland. That is not the case. Therefore, we must not panic. We must restore the good cooperation we once had,&quot; Nielsen said while speaking in Greenland's capital, Nuuk. In a social media post on Monday, he called for Trump to give up &quot;fantasies&quot; of annexing Greenland. &quot;That's enough now. No more pressure. No more insinuations. No more fantasies of annexation.&quot; &quot;We are open to dialogue,&quot; he said. &quot;But this must happen through the proper channels and with respect for international law.&quot;
** Farah Bahgat &amp; Saim Dušan Inayatullah, [https://www.dw.com/en/nato-could-end-if-us-takes-over-greenland-danish-pm/a-75401270/&quot;NATO could end if US takes over Greenland — Danish PM&quot;], ''Deutsche Welle'', 6 January 2026

* In a joint statement with Frederiksen, French President Emmanuel Macron, German Chancellor Friedrich Merz, Italian Prime Minister Meloni, Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk, Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez and British Prime Minister Keir Starmer expressed support for Denmark and Greenland.  &quot;Arctic security remains a key priority for Europe and it is critical for international and transatlantic security,&quot; the joint statement read. &quot;We and many other Allies have increased our presence, activities and investments, to keep the Arctic safe and to deter adversaries,&quot; it added.  The seven leaders stressed that Washington &quot;is an essential partner in this endeavour.&quot;
** Farah Bahgat &amp; Saim Dušan Inayatullah, [https://www.dw.com/en/nato-could-end-if-us-takes-over-greenland-danish-pm/a-75401270/&quot;NATO could end if US takes over Greenland — Danish PM&quot;], ''Deutsche Welle'', 6 January 2026

* On Sunday, Trump reiterated his view that Greenland should come under the control of the United States a day after Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro was captured in a US incursion and taken to New York to stand trial. &quot;We need Greenland,&quot; Trump told journalists on Sunday, stressing that this was necessary for Washington's &quot;national security&quot; and claiming that the island was surrounded &quot;by Chinese and Russian ships.&quot; Trump has in the past offered to buy the territory, while not ruling out the use of military force to take it over.&lt;br&gt;Greenland has large quantities of oil, critical minerals and other resources. The territory could also gain economic importance in coming decades as new Arctic shipping routes open due to the melting of polar ice. Greenland already hosts a US military base, and Copenhagen has expressed willingness to allow for the deployment of additional US troops. On Monday, top Trump adviser Stephen Miller described Greenland as &quot;a colony of Denmark,&quot; adding &quot;nobody's going to fight the United States militarily over the future of Greenland.&quot;
** Farah Bahgat &amp; Saim Dušan Inayatullah, [https://www.dw.com/en/nato-could-end-if-us-takes-over-greenland-danish-pm/a-75401270/&quot;NATO could end if US takes over Greenland — Danish PM&quot;], ''Deutsche Welle'', 6 January 2026

* Six European allies have rallied to support Denmark following renewed insistence by the US that it must have control over Greenland. &quot;Greenland belongs to its people, and only Denmark and Greenland can decide on matters concerning their relations,&quot; the leaders of the UK, France, Germany, Italy, Poland, Spain, and Denmark said in a joint statement. On Sunday, Donald Trump said the US &quot;needed&quot; Greenland - a semi-autonomous region of fellow Nato member Denmark - for security reasons. He has refused to rule out the use of force to take control of the territory, and Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen warned on Monday that an attack by the US would spell the end of NATO.
** Paulin Kola, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c07xkeee2k3o/&quot;European allies back Denmark over Trump's threat to annex Greenland&quot;], BBC, 6 January 2026

* The Trump administration's recent move to appoint a special envoy to Greenland prompted anger in Denmark. Greenland, which has a population of 57,000 people, has had extensive self-government since 1979, though defence and foreign policy remain in Danish hands. While most Greenlanders favour eventual independence from Denmark, opinion polls show overwhelming opposition to becoming part of the US.&lt;br&gt;Morgan Angaju, 27, an Inuit living in Ilulissat in the west of the country, told BBC Newsbeat it had been &quot;terrifying to listen to the leader of the free world laughing at Denmark and Greenland and just talking about us like we're something to claim&quot;. &quot;We are already claimed by the Greenlandic people. Kalaallit Nunaat means the land of the Greenlandic people,&quot; Morgan said. He added he was worried about what happens next - wondering whether Greenland's prime minister may suffer the same fate as Maduro - or even about the US &quot;invading our country&quot;.
** Paulin Kola, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c07xkeee2k3o/&quot;European allies back Denmark over Trump's threat to annex Greenland&quot;], BBC, 6 January 2026

* The Trump administration will withdraw from dozens of international organizations, including the U.N.'s population agency and the U.N. treaty that establishes international climate negotiations, as the U.S. further retreats from global cooperation. President Donald Trump on Wednesday signed an executive order suspending U.S. support for 66 organizations, agencies, and commissions, following his administration’s review of participation in and funding for all international organizations, including those affiliated with the United Nations, according to a White House release.&lt;br&gt;Many of the targets are U.N.-related agencies, commissions and advisory panels that focus on climate, labor, migration and other issues the Trump administration has categorized as catering to diversity and “woke” initiatives. Other non-U.N. organizations on the list include the Partnership for Atlantic Cooperation, the International Institute for Democracy and Electoral Assistance, and the Global Counterterrorism Forum.&lt;br&gt;“The Trump Administration has found these institutions to be redundant in their scope, mismanaged, unnecessary, wasteful, poorly run, captured by the interests of actors advancing their own agendas contrary to our own, or a threat to our nation’s sovereignty, freedoms, and general prosperity,” Secretary of State Marco Rubio said in a statement.&lt;br&gt;Trump's decision to withdraw from organizations that foster cooperation among nations to address global challenges comes as his administration has launched military efforts or issued threats that have rattled allies and adversaries alike, including capturing autocratic Venezuelan leader Nicolás Maduro and indicating an intention to take over Greenland.
** Matthew Lee &amp; Farnoush Amiri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-will-exit-dozens-of-international-organizations-as-it-further-retreats-from-global-cooperation/ar-AA1TLJmD?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695edaf7649a4392b697af0184b92510&amp;ei=48?/&quot;US will exit 66 international organizations as it further retreats from global cooperation&quot;], ''The Associated Press'', 7 January 2026

* The administration previously suspended support for agencies like the World Health Organization, the U.N. agency for Palestinian refugees known as UNRWA, the U.N. Human Rights Council and the U.N. cultural agency UNESCO. It has taken a larger, à la carte approach to paying dues to the world body, picking which operations and agencies it believes align with Trump’s agenda and those that no longer serve U.S. interests.&lt;br&gt;“I think what we’re seeing is the crystallization of the U.S. approach to multilateralism, which is ‘my way or the highway,’” said Daniel Forti, head of U.N. affairs at the International Crisis Group. “It's a very clear vision of wanting international cooperation on Washington’s own terms.”&lt;br&gt;It has marked a major shift from how previous administrations — both Republican and Democratic — have dealt with the U.N., and it has forced the world body, already undergoing its own internal reckoning, to respond with a series of staffing and program cuts. Many independent nongovernmental agencies — some that work with the United Nations — have cited many project closures because of the U.S. administration’s decision last year to slash foreign assistance through the U.S. Agency for International Development, or USAID.&lt;br&gt;Despite the massive shift, Trump administration officials say they see the potential of the U.N. and want to instead focus taxpayer money on expanding American influence in many of the standard-setting U.N. initiatives where there is competition with China, like the International Telecommunications Union, the International Maritime Organization and the International Labor Organization.
** Matthew Lee &amp; Farnoush Amiri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-will-exit-dozens-of-international-organizations-as-it-further-retreats-from-global-cooperation/ar-AA1TLJmD?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695edaf7649a4392b697af0184b92510&amp;ei=48?/&quot;US will exit 66 international organizations as it further retreats from global cooperation&quot;], ''The Associated Press'', 7 January 2026

* The withdrawal from the U.N. Framework Convention on Climate Change, or UNFCCC, is the latest effort by Trump and his allies to distance the U.S. from international organizations focused on climate and addressing climate change. UNFCCC, the 1992 agreement between 198 countries to financially support climate change activities in developing countries, is the underlying treaty for the landmark Paris climate agreement. Trump — who calls climate change a hoax — withdrew from that agreement soon after reclaiming the White House.&lt;br&gt;Gina McCarthy, former White House National Climate Adviser, said being the only country in the world not part of the treaty is “shortsighted, embarrassing, and a foolish decision.” “This Administration is forfeiting our country’s ability to influence trillions of dollars in investments, policies, and decisions that would have advanced our economy and protected us from costly disasters wreaking havoc on our country,” McCarthy, who co-chairs America Is All In, a coalition of climate-concerned U.S. states and cities, said in a statement.&lt;br&gt;Mainstream scientists say climate change is behind increasing instances of deadly and costly extreme weather, including flooding, droughts, wildfires, intense rainfall events and dangerous heat.
** Matthew Lee &amp; Farnoush Amiri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-will-exit-dozens-of-international-organizations-as-it-further-retreats-from-global-cooperation/ar-AA1TLJmD?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695edaf7649a4392b697af0184b92510&amp;ei=48?/&quot;US will exit 66 international organizations as it further retreats from global cooperation&quot;], ''The Associated Press'', 7 January 2026

* The U.S. withdrawal could hinder global efforts to curb greenhouse gases because it “gives other nations the excuse to delay their own actions and commitments,” said Stanford University climate scientist Rob Jackson, who chairs the Global Carbon Project, a group of scientists that tracks countries’ carbon dioxide emissions. It will also be difficult to achieve meaningful progress on climate change without cooperation from the U.S., one of the world’s largest emitters and economies, experts said.&lt;br&gt;The U.N. Population Fund, the agency providing sexual and reproductive health worldwide, has long been a lightning rod for Republican opposition, and Trump cut funding for it during his first term. He and other GOP officials have accused the agency of participating in “coercive abortion practices” in countries like China. When President Joe Biden took office in January 2021, he restored funding for the agency. A State Department review conducted the following year found no evidence to support GOP claims.&lt;br&gt;Other organizations and agencies that the U.S. will quit include the Carbon Free Energy Compact, the United Nations University, the International Cotton Advisory Committee, the International Tropical Timber Organization, the Partnership for Atlantic Cooperation, the Pan-American Institute for Geography and History, the International Federation of Arts Councils and Culture Agencies, and the International Lead and Zinc Study Group.
** Matthew Lee &amp; Farnoush Amiri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-will-exit-dozens-of-international-organizations-as-it-further-retreats-from-global-cooperation/ar-AA1TLJmD?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=695edaf7649a4392b697af0184b92510&amp;ei=48?/&quot;US will exit 66 international organizations as it further retreats from global cooperation&quot;], ''The Associated Press'', 7 January 2026

* The Trump administration is denying state and local officials any access to the investigation into the shooting, offering little hope for a non-partisan probe into what happened. “They don’t have any jurisdiction in this investigation,” Noem said Thursday. She then railed against Minneapolis and Minnesota officials for not doing enough to assist ICE. Her remarks came after Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension (BCA) Superintendent Drew Evans released a statement saying the U.S. attorney’s office has barred it from participating in the federal investigation.&lt;br&gt;“Without complete access to the evidence, witnesses and information collected, we cannot meet the investigative standards that Minnesota law and the public demands,” Evans wrote. “As a result, the BCA has reluctantly withdrawn from the investigation.” It’s impossible for Minnesota to do its own investigation without the federal government’s cooperation, the state’s Department of Public Safety commissioner Bob Jacobson explained Thursday.&lt;br&gt;“They do have all the evidence in the original investigative notes and reports. We have none of that. They have shared none of that with us,” he said. “We would welcome the opportunity to jump back in to ... find the answers that the public deserves. Without any of that information, without any of that assistance from the FBI or the federal government, we would be at a loss to be able to initiate and conduct a thorough investigation.” Noem said Thursday she’s already confident the investigation will clear the ICE agent of any wrongdoing.&lt;br&gt;“We have expected all the policies and procedures of review will be exactly that he acted appropriately to protect his life and the life of his colleagues,” she said Thursday when asked to share more information about him.&lt;br&gt;Following Noem’s remarks, Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz (D) said getting a fair outcome from an investigation into the shooting “feels very, very difficult” now. “I say that only because people in positions of power have already passed judgment, from the President to the Vice President to Kristi Noem, have stood and told you things that are verifiably false, verifiably inaccurate,” a despondent Walz said at a press conference. “They have determined the character of a 37-year-old mom that they didn’t even know.”
** Lydia O'Connor, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/it-sure-looks-like-the-trump-administration-is-trying-to-cover-up-a-killing/ar-AA1TQDlO?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6960df977dcb47ad84d9e8003f6d54ee&amp;ei=15/&quot;It sure looks like the Trump administration is trying to cover up a killing&quot;], ''HuffPost'', 8 January 2026

* The Trump administration announced it is suspending $129m in federal benefit payments to Minnesota amid allegations of widespread fraud in the state. The secretary of the US Department of Agriculture (USDA), Brooke Rollins, shared a letter on Friday on social media that was addressed to Minnesota’s governor, Tim Walz, and the mayor of Minneapolis, Jacob Frey, notifying them of the administration’s decision and citing investigations into alleged fraud conducted by local non-profits and businesses. “Despite a staggering, wide-reaching fraud scandal, your administrations refuse to provide basic information or take common sense measures to stop fraud. The Trump administration refuses to allow such fraud to continue,” Rollins wrote.&lt;br&gt;Rollins asked Walz and Frey to provide the USDA with justification for all federal spending from 20 January 2025 to the present within 30 days. She is also requiring that all federal payments to the state moving forward require the same justification. “We’re communicating with state partners to understand the impacts of such a blanket cut to funding meant for residents most in need,” Brian Feintech, a spokesperson for the city of Minneapolis, said in a written statement in response to Rollins’s letter.&lt;br&gt;“What’s abundantly clear is that Minneapolis is the latest target of the Trump administration – willing to harm Americans in service to its perceived political gain.”&lt;br&gt;Minnesota’s attorney general, Keith Ellison, publicly responded to Rollins’s post, writing on X: “I will not allow you to take from Minnesotans in need. I’ll see you in court.”
** Sara Braun, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-administration-suspends-129m-in-benefit-payments-to-minnesota/ar-AA1TXw8T?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696288fd8dbf4b68a5639be7125a980c&amp;ei=19/&quot;Trump administration suspends $129m in benefit payments to Minnesota&quot;], ''The Guardian'', 10 January 2026

* The USDA’s announcement coincides with a federal ruling that the Trump administration cannot block federal money for childcare subsidies and other programs aimed at supporting low-income families with children from reaching five Democratic-led states, including Minnesota. The Trump administration has targeted Minnesota over the past year over allegations of fraud, specifically going after the state’s Somali population. Federal prosecutors estimate as much as $9bn has been stolen across schemes allegedly linked to the state’s Somali population. Trump ended legal protections for Somali immigrants in the state in November 2025, claiming that “Somali gangs are terrorizing the people of that great State, and BILLIONS of Dollars are missing. Send them back to where they came from.”&lt;br&gt;Shortly thereafter, Trump went off on both Somalis and Ilhan Omar, the Minnesota congressional representative who is from Somalia and is a US citizen, in a xenophobic rant during a cabinet meeting. “They contribute nothing. I don’t want them in our country, I’ll be honest with you,” the president said. He called Omar “garbage” and said “we’re going to go the wrong way if we keep taking in garbage into our country”.
** Sara Braun, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-administration-suspends-129m-in-benefit-payments-to-minnesota/ar-AA1TXw8T?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696288fd8dbf4b68a5639be7125a980c&amp;ei=19/&quot;Trump administration suspends $129m in benefit payments to Minnesota&quot;], ''The Guardian'', 10 January 2026

* A month later, in December 2025, the FBI announced that it was deploying additional investigative and personnel resources to “dismantle large-scale fraud schemes exploiting federal programs” in the state, according to its director, Kash Patel. Patel said the agency had already dismantled a $250m fraud scheme that stole federal food aid meant for vulnerable children during the Covid pandemic in a case that led to 78 indictments and 57 convictions.&lt;br&gt;Last week, Walz announced that he would not run for a third term as Minnesota’s governor, as his handling of the fraud has fallen under intense scrutiny from Trump and Republicans. In his announcement, Walz acknowledged that the president and his political allies have taken advantage of the crisis to sow further division in the state.&lt;br&gt;“I won’t mince words here,” Walz said. “Donald Trump and his allies – in Washington, in St Paul and online – want to make our state a colder, meaner place.”
** Sara Braun, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-administration-suspends-129m-in-benefit-payments-to-minnesota/ar-AA1TXw8T?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696288fd8dbf4b68a5639be7125a980c&amp;ei=19/&quot;Trump administration suspends $129m in benefit payments to Minnesota&quot;], ''The Guardian'', 10 January 2026

* Civil liberties and migrant-rights groups called for nationwide rallies on Saturday to protest the fatal shooting of an activist in Minnesota by a U.S. immigration agent, as state authorities opened their own investigation of the killing. Protest organizers said more than 1,000 weekend events were planned across the country demanding an end to large-scale deployments of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents ordered by President Donald Trump, mostly to cities led by Democratic politicians.&lt;br&gt;Minneapolis became a major flashpoint of the Republican president's militarized deportation roundups on Wednesday, when an ICE officer shot and killed a 37-year-old mother of three, Renee Good, behind the wheel of her car on a residential street. The violence came soon after some 2,000 federal officers were dispatched to Minneapolis in what ICE's parent agency, the Department of Homeland Security, called the &quot;largest DHS operation ever.&quot; Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, a Democrat, condemned the deployment as a &quot;reckless&quot; example of &quot;governance by reality TV.&quot;
** Renee Hickman, Steve Gorman &amp; Nathan Layne, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fatal-ice-shooting-of-minneapolis-activist-sets-stage-for-national-protests/ar-AA1TWJeC?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696250ef11b64ca2991c35ae7ad81e96&amp;ei=17/&quot;Fatal ICE shooting of Minneapolis activist sets stage for national protests&quot;], ''Reuters'', 10 January 2026

* On Friday night, throngs of demonstrators staged a &quot;noise protest&quot; outside a Minneapolis hotel believed to be lodging a visiting contingent of ICE agents. Video posted by activists on social media showed protesters, some wearing brightly colored inflatable costumes, creating a din by beating on drums, banging pots and pans, yelling through bullhorns and blowing on brass instruments and whistles. Others directed high-power flashlight beams at the hotel's windows. The crowd thinned after yellow-vested state police in riot gear marched into the area and declared an unlawful assembly, CNN reported.&lt;br&gt;Police were responding to &quot;information that demonstrators were no longer peaceful and reports of damage to property,&quot; the Minnesota Department of Public Safety said on X. &quot;Dispersal orders were given prior to arrests.&quot; At the time she was killed, Good was participating in one of numerous &quot;neighborhood patrols&quot; that track, monitor and record ICE activities, according to family and local activists.&lt;br&gt;Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem and other Trump administration officials said Good was &quot;impeding&quot; and &quot;stalking&quot; ICE agents all day, and that the officer opened fire in self-defense when she tried to ram her car into him in an &quot;act of domestic terrorism.&quot;
** Renee Hickman, Steve Gorman &amp; Nathan Layne, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fatal-ice-shooting-of-minneapolis-activist-sets-stage-for-national-protests/ar-AA1TWJeC?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696250ef11b64ca2991c35ae7ad81e96&amp;ei=17/&quot;Fatal ICE shooting of Minneapolis activist sets stage for national protests&quot;], ''Reuters'', 10 January 2026

* Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey, a Democrat, pointed to bystander video he said directly contradicted the federal government's &quot;garbage narrative.&quot; Civil liberties advocates said the video showed federal agents lacked any justification for using deadly force.&lt;br&gt;Amid the sharply differing accounts of the shooting, Minnesota and Hennepin County law enforcement authorities said on Friday they were opening their own criminal inquiry of the incident separate from a federal investigation led by the FBI. Some Trump administration officials, including Vice President JD Vance, asserted state prosecutors lack jurisdiction to charge a federal officer with a crime, though legal experts say federal immunity in such cases is not automatic.&lt;br&gt;The crisis atmosphere led Walz - a prominent Trump antagonist who branded Trump and his Republican allies as &quot;weird&quot; during his own run for vice president last year - to put the state's National Guard on alert.&lt;br&gt;Federal-state tensions escalated further on Thursday when a U.S. Border Patrol agent in Portland, Oregon, shot and wounded a man and woman in their car after an attempted vehicle stop. As in the Minneapolis incident, DHS said the driver had tried to &quot;weaponize&quot; his vehicle and run over agents. DHS on Friday identified the wounded driver and passenger as suspected gang associates from Venezuela who were in the U.S. illegally. The agency said the woman had been involved in a prior shootout in Portland but provided no evidence of its allegations against the pair.
** Renee Hickman, Steve Gorman &amp; Nathan Layne, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fatal-ice-shooting-of-minneapolis-activist-sets-stage-for-national-protests/ar-AA1TWJeC?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696250ef11b64ca2991c35ae7ad81e96&amp;ei=17/&quot;Fatal ICE shooting of Minneapolis activist sets stage for national protests&quot;], ''Reuters'', 10 January 2026

* Portland Mayor Keith Wilson, echoing Frey, said he could not be sure the government's account was grounded in fact without an independent investigation. The deployment of agents to Minneapolis follows Trump's recent denunciations of Walz and his state's large population of Somali immigrants over allegations of fraud dating back to 2020 by some nonprofit groups administering childcare and other social-service programs. Good was shot dead just a few blocks from where George Floyd was killed by a Minneapolis police officer crushing his neck into the pavement with his knee during a videotaped arrest in May 2020. Floyd's death sparked months of nationwide racial-justice protests during Trump's first term in office.&lt;br&gt;Bystander video of the Minneapolis incident showed masked officers approaching Good's Honda SUV while it was stopped at a perpendicular angle to the street, partially blocking traffic. One agent is seen ordering her out of the car and grabbing onto the driver-side front door handle as the car pulls forward and steers away from the officers, one of whom jumps back and fires three shots into the front of the vehicle as it rolls past.
** Renee Hickman, Steve Gorman &amp; Nathan Layne, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fatal-ice-shooting-of-minneapolis-activist-sets-stage-for-national-protests/ar-AA1TWJeC?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696250ef11b64ca2991c35ae7ad81e96&amp;ei=17/&quot;Fatal ICE shooting of Minneapolis activist sets stage for national protests&quot;], ''Reuters'', 10 January 2026

* Video filmed by the officer who opened fire, identified through official comment and public records as Jonathan Ross, shows Good appearing calm. She is heard telling him, &quot;That's fine, dude, I'm not mad at you&quot; - moments before he opens fire as she drives forward into the street, steering the car away from him. Noem has said he was treated at a local hospital for unspecified injuries and released. The car's front bumper appears in the bystander video to pass Ross before he shot at Good. It is unclear from any of the footage whether the vehicle made contact with him. In any case, Ross is shown remaining on his feet and can be seen walking after the incident, contradicting Trump's assertion on social media that the woman &quot;ran over the ICE officer.&quot;&lt;br&gt;The two DHS-related shootings this week have drawn thousands of protesters to the streets of Minneapolis, Portland and other U.S. cities, with many more demonstrations under the banner &quot;ICE Out For Good&quot; planned for Saturday and Sunday.&lt;br&gt;The rallies were being organized by a coalition of groups including the American Civil Liberties Union, MoveOn Civic Action, Voto Latino, and Indivisible, some of which were at the forefront of &quot;No Kings&quot; protests against Trump last year.
** Renee Hickman, Steve Gorman &amp; Nathan Layne, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fatal-ice-shooting-of-minneapolis-activist-sets-stage-for-national-protests/ar-AA1TWJeC?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696250ef11b64ca2991c35ae7ad81e96&amp;ei=17/&quot;Fatal ICE shooting of Minneapolis activist sets stage for national protests&quot;], ''Reuters'', 10 January 2026

* On an unseasonably warm Wednesday in Minneapolis, an Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent shot a woman in the face. The many eyes of our everyday panopticon recorded the event from multiple angles. Renee Nicole Good, a 37-year-old mom of three, had stopped her maroon SUV on a snowy street crawling with ICE officials. According to eyewitness reports, multiple men in masks shouted conflicting orders at her: At least one apparently demanded that she exit her vehicle and tried to open her door; another told her to drive away. Good seems to have moved slowly as she tried to maneuver around the agents surrounding her car. After appearing to first wave for someone to move, she reversed slightly and turned away from the agents to continue down the street. An ICE agent who appears to have been knocked back by her front bumper responded by shooting into her vehicle, and shot again as the SUV, suddenly without a conscious driver, [careened] into a parked car ahead.&lt;br&gt;Chaos erupted. A man announcing himself as a physician ran toward the scene to attempt to render first aid, but an ICE agent commanded him to step back. When emergency medical workers finally arrived on foot 15 minutes later, they clumsily pulled Good’s body from the driver’s seat, leaving behind a blood-soaked airbag. Onlookers immediately rose up in anger and outrage, screaming at the agents and shouting profanities. One man howled “Murderer! Murderer!” over and over again. Good’s partner, who was near the SUV, can be heard saying through sobs that Good was her wife, that their 6-year-old was at school, and that they were new in town, didn’t know anybody, had no one to call for help.&lt;br&gt;'''The alarm was warranted. Everyone on the scene had witnessed the crossing of a crucial line in Donald Trump’s mass-deportation project: ICE had just killed an American citizen on American soil.'''&lt;br&gt;'''The administration has since declared that the agent “is protected by absolute immunity,” whatever that means, a signal of unconditional support for an agency bloated with thousands of new, heavily armed, and minimally trained recruits, deployed around the country to help achieve Trump’s goal of deporting 1 million immigrants a year. Events such as Good’s death set the stage for yet more lethal confrontations, which the administration can be trusted to defend with the same specious pretext. What is now overt, in a way that it hadn’t been Wednesday morning, is that these agents are at war with the public, and have been for some time.'''
** Elizabeth Bruenig, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/this-will-happen-again/ar-AA1TWUxS?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6962531da0a7499c8687f2c9df9f4110&amp;ei=12?/&quot;This will happen again&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 10 January 2026

* Good’s killing was the culmination of months of roiling tensions between the Department of Homeland Security and the communities it routinely invades to round up people for summary deportation. Having more than doubled ICE’s workforce in a matter of months, DHS has been fretting theatrically about how these agents are risking “their lives to remove the worst of the worst.” In retrospect, those concerns now seem like threats—a preemptive excuse for maximum violence.&lt;br&gt;The Trump administration instantly characterized Good’s killing as a matter of self-defense on the part of the ICE agent, whom The Minnesota Star Tribune has identified as Jonathan Ross, a 10-year agency veteran and member of its Special Response Team. Faced with footage of the incident Wednesday night, Trump offered the MAGA gloss on what took place: “She ran him over.” In fact, videos show that Ross remained upright.&lt;br&gt;In a press conference, DHS Secretary Kristi Noem claimed that Good had been killed because she had been “stalking and impeding” ICE agents all day, and that she had tried to “weaponize her vehicle” in an act of “domestic terrorism.” By Thursday, when White House Spokesperson Karoline Leavitt presented the administration’s official line, the story had grown more baroque. Leavitt maintained that Good was part of a “larger, sinister, left-wing movement that has spread across our country, where our brave men and women of federal law enforcement are under organized attack.” Thus Ross, as a target of a dangerous conspiracy, had merely been operating in self-defense.
** Elizabeth Bruenig, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/this-will-happen-again/ar-AA1TWUxS?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6962531da0a7499c8687f2c9df9f4110&amp;ei=12?/&quot;This will happen again&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 10 January 2026

* In the administration’s closest brush with acknowledging wrongdoing, J. D. Vance mentioned to reporters Thursday that Ross had been involved in an incident with a vehicle several months ago, during which he was dragged for 100 yards and subsequently required numerous stitches: “So you think maybe he’s a little bit sensitive about somebody ramming him with an automobile?” These remarks could reasonably be taken to imply that Ross’s decision to shoot Good was an emotional overreaction based on past trauma, but then Vance pivoted: Ross “deserves a debt of gratitude.” In other words, even if Ross did act in error, Good’s death still bears the administration’s stamp of approval.
** Elizabeth Bruenig, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/this-will-happen-again/ar-AA1TWUxS?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6962531da0a7499c8687f2c9df9f4110&amp;ei=12?/&quot;This will happen again&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 10 January 2026

* '''Protesters in Minneapolis have since flooded the streets in the thousands, and ICE agents have responded by apprehending some, shoving others to the ground, and spraying chemical irritants in their faces. These incidents have ignited mass demonstrations nationwide, in which protesters have wailed “Shame” and “Murder,” banged drums, screeched from metal whistles, and hoisted signs declaring what is no longer deniable: ICE kills.'''&lt;br&gt;''''It therefore felt grimly inevitable when the Department of Homeland Security issued a statement Thursday night confirming that Border Patrol officers shot at two people in a targeted traffic stop in Portland, Oregon. “When agents identified themselves to the vehicle occupants,” the post on X read, “the driver weaponized his vehicle and attempted to run over the law enforcement agents.” There is nothing to stop the echoes of this rationale, and we should expect to hear it again and again. There may come a time when the administration dispenses with offering an explanation at all.'''
** Elizabeth Bruenig, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/this-will-happen-again/ar-AA1TWUxS?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6962531da0a7499c8687f2c9df9f4110&amp;ei=12?/&quot;This will happen again&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 10 January 2026

* President Donald Trump continued his threats towards Greenland on Friday, as he insisted that if the United States did not act Russia or China could occupy it in the future. Trump said that if he is unable to make a deal to acquire the territory “the easy way,” then he will have to “do it the hard way.” “We are going to do something in Greenland, whether they like it or not, because if we don’t do it, Russia or China will take over Greenland, and we’re not going to have Russia or China as a neighbor,” Trump told reporters at the White House. Greenland’s party leaders, including the opposition, issued a joint statement saying: “We do not want to be Americans, we do not want to be Danes, we want to be Greenlanders. The future of Greenland must be decided by the Greenlandic people.”&lt;br&gt;The US president and his White House officials have been discussing a range of options on how to bring Greenland under US control amid renewed interest in the strategically significant Danish-controlled territory, and has not ruling out a military intervention. The governments of Greenland and Denmark continue to publicly and privately insist it is not for sale. It remains unclear how other NATO members would respond if the US decided to take Greenland by force. European leaders have warned that such a move would have serious consequences for the military alliance. In a joint statement the leaders of France, Germany, the UK, Italy, Poland and Spain said Greenland belongs to its own people.
** Sophie Tanno &amp; Samantha Waldenberg, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-will-take-greenland-the-hard-way-if-it-can-t-do-it-the-easy-way-trump-says/ar-AA1TWGOT?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69625c4896054da3ba7ee0f19ca4ee4c&amp;ei=39/&quot;US will take Greenland the 'hard way' if it can't do it the 'easy way,' Trump says&quot;], CNN, 10 January 2026

* “I would like to make a deal the easy way but if we don’t do it the easy way, we’re going to do it the hard way. And by the way, I’m a fan of Denmark too. I have to tell you, they have been very nice to me. I’m a big fan,” Trump said. He claimed that the move was necessary to prevent Russia or China from taking Greenland at some point in the future. Asked about a recent report that the US was weighing making payments to Greenlanders to convince them to join the US, Trump said, “I’m not talking about money for Greenland yet.”&lt;br&gt;Many Greenlanders have already rejected the idea of accepting money to become part of the US. “No thank you. It’s absolutely certain that we don’t want that,” one resident of the capital city of Nuuk, Simon Kjeldskov, told Reuters. Another resident, Juno Michaelsen, said: “Any number in the world and we will say no. It belongs to us and only us.”&lt;br&gt;The top Washington-based diplomats for Greenland and Denmark met with White House officials on Thursday. Denmark’s Ambassador Jesper Møller Sørensen and Greenland’s head of representation to the US Jacob Isbosethsen met with Trump advisers, diplomats familiar with the matter told CNN. Greenland’s Prime Minister Jens-Frederik Nielsen alongside four other party leaders once again rejected Trump’s calls to acquire the semi-autonomous territory in a statement release Friday night and seen by Reuters. The leaders said a planned meeting of Greenland’s parliament, the Inatsisartut, to discuss its response to the Trump administration’s threats would be brought forward. The date of the meeting has not yet been determined. Greenland’s parliament last met in November and had been scheduled to meet again on February 3.
** Sophie Tanno &amp; Samantha Waldenberg, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-will-take-greenland-the-hard-way-if-it-can-t-do-it-the-easy-way-trump-says/ar-AA1TWGOT?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69625c4896054da3ba7ee0f19ca4ee4c&amp;ei=39/&quot;US will take Greenland the 'hard way' if it can't do it the 'easy way,' Trump says&quot;], CNN, 10 January 2026

* Several thousand protesters gathered at a park coated with fresh snow on Minneapolis’s south side Saturday afternoon, near where Renée Good lived and was fatally shot. “Say her name: Renée Good!” they chanted, along with “We will not put up with ICE!” There were mothers with children and babies in carriers, families and seniors holding homemade signs that read “ICE murdered Renée Good,” and “Indict agent Jonathan Ross,” the man identified through court records as the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer who killed Good. Protesters turned out in cities across the country, including Boston, New York City, Austin and Philadelphia, many organized by progressive group Indivisible and titled “ICE Out For Good.”&lt;br&gt;In Minneapolis, the demonstrations in recent days “have remained peaceful until last night,” Police Chief Brian O’Hara said during a news conference Saturday. O’Hara said one Friday night protest outside a hotel believed to be housing ICE agents grew tense when some individuals caused property damage and, over the course of the night, threw ice, snow and rocks at officers.&lt;br&gt;Police arrested 29 people and at least one officer sustained injuries after being hit by a chunk of ice, O’Hara said. Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey urged demonstrators to remain peaceful and to not “take the bait” into violent escalation. “We are meeting a whole lot of despair with a lot of hope,” Frey said Saturday. “We are doing right. We are being strategic. And yes, for those that aren’t being strategic... there are consequences.”
** Molly Hennessy-Fiske, Angie Orellana Hernandez &amp; Will Oremus, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-protest-ice-presence-in-minneapolis-and-cities-nationwide/ar-AA1TXW6R?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6963661c28904bd98d50319d0aeeb238&amp;ei=16/&quot;Thousands protest ICE presence in Minneapolis and cities nationwide&quot;], ''The Washington Post'', 10 January 2026

* The state has also been grappling with how to respond after the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension said the FBI was revoking its access to the case file, scene evidence and witness interviews in Good’s shooting. Trump administration officials have called the incident a federal matter, but state prosecutors say it falls in their jurisdiction and announced Friday they will conduct their own review of the shooting in an effort to gather evidence the FBI won’t share with them. Video of the hotly contested shooting has gradually emerged, including cellphone footage recorded by the ICE officer as he fatally shot Good.&lt;br&gt;The 47-second recording shows for the first time that Renée Good spoke to Ross before he shot her, and reveals that, a split second before the gunfire, Good’s wife urged her to drive away from the scene. It does not show whether Good’s SUV came into contact with Ross, as the administration contends. Vice President JD Vance said Friday that the video exonerated Ross. “The reality is that his life was endangered and he fired in self defense,” Vance wrote on X.&lt;br&gt;Minnesota Attorney General Keith Ellison said Friday that it’s too early for anyone to reach a conclusion about the shooting “in good faith” because there’s too much evidence still to be evaluated. How the investigation plays out was on protesters’ minds Saturday. “War is being waged on our community. I’m here because sometimes it feels like there’s not a lot you can do,” said Nora Sonneborn, 28, who lives nearby, works in administration and held a hand-painted sign that said, “Melt the ICE.” She called the FBI’s move to exclude state authorities from the shooting investigation “ridiculous.” “A crime was committed in our home and we have every right to investigate,” she said.
** Molly Hennessy-Fiske, Angie Orellana Hernandez &amp; Will Oremus, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-protest-ice-presence-in-minneapolis-and-cities-nationwide/ar-AA1TXW6R?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6963661c28904bd98d50319d0aeeb238&amp;ei=16/&quot;Thousands protest ICE presence in Minneapolis and cities nationwide&quot;], ''The Washington Post'', 10 January 2026

* Saturday morning, about five miles from the protests, there was a brief standoff between U.S. lawmakers and armed federal officers outside a Minneapolis-area federal building. In social media posts and media interviews afterward, three Democratic congresswomen from Minnesota said they had sought to oversee the conditions at a regional ICE field office, but were allowed in only briefly before officials ordered them to leave.&lt;br&gt;Videos posted by journalists on the scene showed Reps. Ilhan Omar, Angie Craig and Kelly Morrison standing outside the facility’s gate as a line of federal agents dressed in tactical gear and camouflage initially barred them from entering. A female voice could be heard saying, “I’m a sitting member of the United States Congress,” and asking, “Have you contacted your supervisor?”&lt;br&gt;“It is deeply disturbing to think what ICE is hiding when they are actively denying members from conducting their oversight authority,” Omar said in a statement Saturday. “When people disappear in the darkness, American democracy dies.”&lt;br&gt;Last month, a federal judge temporarily blocked new Trump administration policies restricting members of Congress from making unannounced oversight visits to ICE facilities funded via congressional appropriations bills. In a statement Saturday afternoon, however, Department of Homeland Security spokeswoman Tricia McLaughlin said the ruling did not apply because the court exempted ICE operations funded by last year’s One Big Beautiful Bill Act. She said that Homeland Security Secretary Kristi L. Noem issued fresh orders Jan. 8 reiterating that congressmembers must give seven days’ notice before visiting ICE detention facilities. “Because they were out of compliance with this mandate, Representative Omar and her colleagues were denied entry to the facility,” McLaughlin said.
** Molly Hennessy-Fiske, Angie Orellana Hernandez &amp; Will Oremus, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-protest-ice-presence-in-minneapolis-and-cities-nationwide/ar-AA1TXW6R?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6963661c28904bd98d50319d0aeeb238&amp;ei=16/&quot;Thousands protest ICE presence in Minneapolis and cities nationwide&quot;], ''The Washington Post'', 10 January 2026

* Roberta Sloan, 66, a retired nurse who drove from Rochester, Minnesota, to join the protest in the park on Minneapolis’s south side, said she was frustrated that Omar’s effort to enter the ICE facility was challenged, but glad the congresswomen tried. “They have every right to be there to see these detention places and how people are being treated,” she said. Sloan was also pleased with how Gov. Tim Walz and Minneapolis’s mayor have spoken out against the ICE operation and shooting. “They are standing up for what Minnesota stands for,” she said, and that’s why she felt compelled to protest: “To stand up for those who don’t have a voice.”&lt;br&gt;Standing on a nearby snow covered sidewalk, amid a shoulder-to-shoulder crowd, health care worker Peter Prou, 33, of St. Paul, said he was outraged by the shooting and came to fight for justice. “They’re taking away all our rights and freedoms. They know it’s murder and they’re trying to cover it up,” he said of ICE, but added, “There’s strength in numbers. There’s more of us than them.”
** Molly Hennessy-Fiske, Angie Orellana Hernandez &amp; Will Oremus, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-protest-ice-presence-in-minneapolis-and-cities-nationwide/ar-AA1TXW6R?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6963661c28904bd98d50319d0aeeb238&amp;ei=16/&quot;Thousands protest ICE presence in Minneapolis and cities nationwide&quot;], ''The Washington Post'', 10 January 2026

* Our country hasn’t been perfect, but it has been self-correcting. It took time for us to acknowledge the unalienable rights of all races and sexes. We have stumbled, fought each other, and sometimes misused our military muscle. But, when we resorted to violence, it was usually to defend liberty at home and abroad. Now, we have stumbled again, installing leaders who don’t believe in the founding idea. Freedom threatens them, so they rule by fear. So far, neither our institutions nor our people have mobilized to correct this mistake.  President Trump and his people are so emboldened that they don’t even bother to hide their ill intentions. They know that if they commit crimes on his behalf, he will pardon them.
** William S. Becker, [https://thehill.com/opinion/white-house/5682167-trump-abuses-power-freedom/&quot;America was supposed to be different —now Trump rules it with fear &quot;], ''The Hill'', 12 January 2026

* Trump attacks freedom of the press. Over the last year, his administration took more than $1 billion away from public broadcasting; launched investigations into NPR, PBS, ABC, NBC and CBS; and forced media organizations to pay $32 million to settle his lawsuits against them. He has taken 76 federal actions to restrict, punish and revoke journalists’ credentials. But Trump’s biggest use of federal force to intimidate and terrorize civil society is his deployment of immigration agents and military troops in U.S. cities run by Democrats. Federal agencies have deported more than 605,000 people over the last year. Trump promised to focus on immigrants convicted of crimes, but his agents have arrested productive and longstanding American residents. As of Nov. 30, nearly 74 percent of the detainees had no criminal convictions. During 2025, 32 people, including children, died while in the custody of Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Many have been “disappeared” to other countries, some to prisons, and denied their constitutional rights to due process. During 2025, the administration stripped legal status from 1.6 million immigrants. Nearly 2 million immigrants “self-deported.”
** William S. Becker, [https://thehill.com/opinion/white-house/5682167-trump-abuses-power-freedom/&quot;America was supposed to be different —now Trump rules it with fear &quot;], ''The Hill'', 12 January 2026

* '''The U.S. is supposed to be different, but Trump sees the world as an extension of himself — a place where bullies gain wealth and power by mistreating others and controlling them with fear'''.
** William S. Becker, [https://thehill.com/opinion/white-house/5682167-trump-abuses-power-freedom/&quot;America was supposed to be different —now Trump rules it with fear &quot;], ''The Hill'', 12 January 2026

* Last week, Americans watched on television as an armed immigration officer shot and killed a frightened mother of three, an American citizen, in Minneapolis. Without the benefit of an investigation, Trump, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem and other federal officials quickly went public to describe the woman as a rioter and “terrorist” who “weaponized her vehicle” against the officer, forcing him to defend himself.&lt;br&gt;The American people have also watched the U.S. military kill foreign nationals by simply blowing up 35 boats in the Caribbean, killing at least 115 passengers. The Trump administration claimed the boats were smuggling drugs into America but provided no evidence.&lt;br&gt;Then came the invasion of Venezuela to arrest its leader and bring him to the U.S. for trial. Trump openly admits he wants to seize the country’s oil reserves, the largest (and some of the dirtiest) in the world. In the style of Russia’s Vladimir Putin, he wants to turn America’s oil billionaires into oligarchs. Time will tell how the entrenched interests in Venezuela react, and whether the invasion escalates into America’s latest oil war.
** William S. Becker, [https://thehill.com/opinion/white-house/5682167-trump-abuses-power-freedom/&quot;America was supposed to be different —now Trump rules it with fear &quot;], ''The Hill'', 12 January 2026

* The big, macho men from ICE who are storming around American cities like Visigoths are a bunch of cowards.&lt;br&gt;They arm themselves as if they are battling ISIS terrorists in Iraq while the only threat they face is common American citizens with whistles and protest signs. They break into private homes without warrants, they gas school kids, they tackle women on the street, they smash into the cars of American citizens. And one of them summarily executed a mother of three children because -- well, because he could.&lt;br&gt;They think they are tough, but they are punks hiding behind masks. They are poorly-trained thugs dressed up like real soldiers who think they are living out a video game where they get points for assaulting anyone who gets in their way. They are the farthest thing from the real cops who police communities with restraint, discipline and a knowledge of the law.These mercenaries do not serve the country, they serve a regime that excuses their unjustified violence and lies about their lawless actions. President Donald Trump falsely alleges that Renee Good, the mother of three gunned down in Minneapolis by an ICE agent, was a “professional agitator” who showed “disrespect” for law enforcement. His toady press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, who will say any despicable thing to please her boss, accused Good of being “a lunatic.” The Homeland Security boss, Kristi Noem, branded Good a “domestic terrorist.”&lt;br&gt;There is zero evidence of any of the Trump administration’s slander. Renee Good was, indeed, out on the street to monitor the actions of ICE, but, as anyone can see in the video taken seconds before she was murdered, she was smiling at the ICE agents and telling them she was not mad at them. Good was, in fact, doing what she had been ordered to do, moving her vehicle out of the way.&lt;br&gt;Trump and his team are even bigger cowards than the cosplay cops they have sent to terrorize immigrants and punish Democratic cities. It takes leaders with maturity and guts to admit fault and accept accountability. The cruel clowns in the White House will never be brave enough to do that.
** David Horsey, [https://horseytoons.substack.com/p/trump-and-his-cosplay-cops-are-cowards/&quot;Trump and his cosplay cops are cowards&quot;], David Horsey's substack, 13 January 2026

* Lawmakers from both parties and houses of Congress have agreed to provide about $653 million to fund Voice of America’s parent agency, rejecting President Donald Trump’s demand to defund the international broadcaster and shut it down. A bipartisan spending bill released Sunday would allocate $643 million for broadcasting from the U.S. Agency for Global Media, which oversees VOA, plus nearly $10 million for capital improvements. That figure is down from the $867 million appropriated for the agency each of the past two years, but it’s more than four times the $153 million Trump requested that Congress provide to “support the orderly shutdown of USAGM operations.” The outlay is included in a broader bipartisan spending deal negotiated by House and Senate appropriators. The package still requires House and Senate approval before heading to Trump’s desk.&lt;br&gt;“We understand the realities of the appropriations process, but I am disappointed that Congress is proposing half a billion dollars more in funding than we requested,” Kari Lake, the deputy CEO installed by Trump to shut down the agency, wrote in a statement Monday. “While reductions from prior years are a step in the right direction, USAGM can still advance President Trump’s message and share America’s story globally without wasting so much taxpayer money.”
** Scott Nover, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/congress-agrees-to-fund-voice-of-america-bucking-trump-shutdown-order/ar-AA1U7exQ?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6967438758b641c59ca45addfe0ffc6f&amp;ei=10/&quot;Congress agrees to fund Voice of America, bucking Trump shutdown order&quot;], ''The Washington Post'', 13 January 2026

* The bipartisan commitment to funding USAGM reflects continued congressional support for America’s role in promoting the free flow of news and information abroad, a long-standing foundation of its soft power around the world. Congress’s funding proposal comes after a dire year for USAGM. Trump signed an executive order in March calling for the dismantlement of the government agency, which oversees Voice of America and funds nonprofit groups including Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty and Radio Free Asia. To carry out the order, Lake placed more than 1,300 Voice of America staffers on paid administrative leave — many of whom are still not working — and halted broadcasting operations the same month. It was the first time VOA went dark since it was first set up in 1942 to combat Nazi propaganda. In response, VOA’s director, Michael Abramowitz, and a separate group of USAGM staffers sued the Trump administration, arguing that its actions were illegal.&lt;br&gt;Lake, a former Arizona television anchor who lost high-profile races for governor and U.S. Senate in recent years, has defended the cuts and called for the agency’s eventual elimination. She told Congress in a June hearing that USAGM was “incompetent, corrupt, biased, and a threat to America’s national security and standing in the world.” She has also said USAGM is “not salvageable.”&lt;br&gt;The White House did not respond to a request for comment.
** Scott Nover, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/congress-agrees-to-fund-voice-of-america-bucking-trump-shutdown-order/ar-AA1U7exQ?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6967438758b641c59ca45addfe0ffc6f&amp;ei=10/&quot;Congress agrees to fund Voice of America, bucking Trump shutdown order&quot;], ''The Washington Post'', 13 January 2026

* The new bill allocates $199.5 million of the total appropriation to VOA and $138 million for USAGM’s operations. Additionally, nonprofit grantees will also be funded through this bill to the tune of $112.5 million for Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty, $69 million for Middle East Broadcasting Networks, $53.5 million for Radio Free Asia and $40.5 million for the Open Technology Fund. The Trump administration pushed to defund the nonprofit media outlets, but Lamberth has largely restored their funding in court after they all sued. Radio Free Asia previously said it was pausing operations but in recent months has resumed some publishing activities. “With new funding, if enacted, RFA anticipates ramping up additional news operations that have been paused in the Asia-Pacific region,” RFA spokesman Rohit Mahajan said in a statement. Sen. [[Brian Schatz]] (Hawaii), the top Democrat on the state and foreign operations subcommittee, applauded the bipartisan negotiation that led to the bill but expressed worry that it still represented a cut to government broadcasters. “While the bill ensures continued funding for our international broadcasting grantees,” he wrote in a statement, “it forces cuts at a time when they are trying to provide critical services in Ukraine, the Middle East, and across the Indo-Pacific.”&lt;br&gt;Schatz and his House counterpart, Rep. Lois Frankel (D-Florida), previously criticized the Trump administration’s “illegal gutting” of the agency. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina) and Rep. Mario Diaz-Balart (R-Florida), the Senate and House appropriations subcommittee chairs, did not respond to requests for comment.
** Scott Nover, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/congress-agrees-to-fund-voice-of-america-bucking-trump-shutdown-order/ar-AA1U7exQ?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6967438758b641c59ca45addfe0ffc6f&amp;ei=10/&quot;Congress agrees to fund Voice of America, bucking Trump shutdown order&quot;], ''The Washington Post'', 13 January 2026

* The U.S. experienced negative net migration in 2025 for the first time in at least half a century as a result of the Trump administration's immigration crackdown, according to a report released Tuesday by the Brookings Institution. Although the administration has undertaken aggressive removal efforts, the negative number is mostly due to a significant drop in entries into the U.S., the report said. &quot;We estimate net flows of -295,000 to -10,000 for the year,&quot; the Brookings study stated. &quot;Though a high degree of policy uncertainty remains, continued negative net migration for 2026 is also likely.&quot; The report attributed the shift to combination of the large drop in entries and an increase in enforcement activity leading to removals and voluntary departures. The Trump administration's suspension of many humanitarian programs -- including most refugee programs with the exception of those involving white South Africans -- and a decline in temporary visas also contributed to the negative net migration, the report said.&lt;br&gt;The report's authors estimate there were between 310,000 and 315,000 removals in 2025, a figure lower than what the administration has claimed. Department of Homeland Security officials claim that, so far, more than 600,000 people have been removed during the crackdown. &quot;At 310,000 to 315,000, the 2025 removals are not much higher than the 2024 removals of around 285,000,&quot; the report states.
** Laura Romero, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/us-for-1st-time-in-50-years-experienced-negative-net-migration-in-2025-report/ar-AA1U9D98?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6967494810e94f57852b9e1e680b4105&amp;ei=21/&quot;US, for 1st time in 50 years, experienced negative net migration in 2025: Report&quot;], ABC News, 13 January 2026

* Unlike in 2024, most removals in 2025 were initiated by U.S. Customs and Border Protection from the country's interior, the report said, as opposed to being initiated by Immigration and Customs Enforcement -- despite the actions of some ICE officers dominating many news headlines. A spokesperson with the Department of Homeland Security, which oversees CPB and ICE, did not immediately respond to a request for comment from ABC News. The report's authors also predicted removals will increase in 2026 with funding from President Donald Trump's One Big Beautiful Bill Act, which the report said will &quot;likely allow for increased infrastructure and staffing to achieve a higher level of enforcement.&quot;&lt;br&gt;According to the report, authorities also predict the net migration loss will see certain sectors of the economy experience &quot;unexpectedly weak economic activity,&quot; specifically businesses that serve affected immigrant populations. &quot;The slowdown implies weaker employment, GDP, and consumer spending growth,&quot; the report states, adding that consumer spending is expected to fall by between $60 billion and $110 billion over 2025 and 2026.
** Laura Romero, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/us-for-1st-time-in-50-years-experienced-negative-net-migration-in-2025-report/ar-AA1U9D98?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6967494810e94f57852b9e1e680b4105&amp;ei=21/&quot;US, for 1st time in 50 years, experienced negative net migration in 2025: Report&quot;], ABC News, 13 January 2026

* Several faculty groups have denounced the Trump administration’s efforts to obtain information about Jewish professors, staff and students at the [[University of Pennsylvania]] – including personal emails, phone numbers and home addresses – as government abuse with “ominous historical overtones”.&lt;br&gt;The US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) is demanding the university turn over names and personal information about Jewish members of the Penn community as part of the administration’s stated goal to combat antisemitism on campuses. But some Jewish faculty and staff have condemned the government’s demand as “a visceral threat to the safety of those who would find themselves identified because compiling and turning over to the government ‘lists of Jews’ conjures a terrifying history”, according to a press release put out by the groups’ lawyers.&lt;br&gt;The EEOC sued Penn in November over the university’s refusal to fully comply with its demands. On Tuesday, the American Association of University Professors’ national and Penn chapters, the university’s Jewish Law Students Association and its Association of Senior and Emeritus Faculty, and the American Academy of Jewish Research filed a motion in federal court to intervene in the case.&lt;br&gt;“These requests would require Penn to create and turn over a centralized registry of Jewish students, faculty, and staff – a profoundly invasive and dangerous demand that intrudes deeply into the freedoms of association, religion, speech, and privacy enshrined in the First Amendment,” the groups argued. “We are entering territory that should shock every single one of us,” said Norm Eisen, co-founder and executive chair of the Democracy Defenders Fund on a press call. The fund is representing the faculty groups along with the American Civil Liberties Union of Pennsylvania and the firm Hangley Aronchick Segal Pudlin and Schiller. “That kind of information – however purportedly benign the excuses given for it – can be put to the most dangerous misuse. This is an abuse of government power that drags us back to some of the darkest chapters in our history.”&lt;br&gt;The EEOC did not immediately respond to a request for comment.
** Alice Speri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/upenn-faculty-condemn-trump-administration-s-demand-for-lists-of-jews/ar-AA1U9l5D?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6967494810e94f57852b9e1e680b4105&amp;ei=17/&quot;UPENN faculty condemn Trump administration’s demand for ‘lists of Jews’&quot;], ''The Guardian'', 13 January 2026

* The University of Pennsylvania was among dozens of US universities to come under federal investigation over alleged antisemitism in the aftermath of the 7 October 2023 Hamas attacks and Israel’s subsequent war in Gaza. In response, the university established a taskforce to study antisemitism, implemented a series of measures and shared hundreds of pages of documents to comply with government demands.&lt;br&gt;But the university refused to comply with the EEOC’s July subpoena for personal information of Jewish faculty, students and staff, or those affiliated with Jewish organizations who had not given their consent, as well as the names of individuals who had participated in confidential listening sessions or received a survey by the university’s antisemitism taskforce. A university spokesperson said in November that “violating their privacy and trust is antithetical to ensuring Penn’s Jewish community feels protected and safe”. Instead, the university offered to inform all its employees of the EEOC investigation, inviting those interested to contact the agency directly.&lt;br&gt;But that was not enough for the commission, which brought the university to court to seek to enforce the subpoena.&lt;br&gt;“The EEOC remains steadfast in its commitment to combatting workplace antisemitism and seeks to identify employees who may have experienced antisemitic harassment. Unfortunately, the employer continues to refuse to identify members of its workforce who may have been subjected to this unlawful conduct,” the EEOC chair, Andrea Lucas, said in a statement at the time. “An employer’s obstruction of efforts to identify witnesses and victims undermines the EEOC’s ability to investigate harassment.”
** Alice Speri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/upenn-faculty-condemn-trump-administration-s-demand-for-lists-of-jews/ar-AA1U9l5D?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6967494810e94f57852b9e1e680b4105&amp;ei=17/&quot;UPENN faculty condemn Trump administration’s demand for ‘lists of Jews’&quot;], ''The Guardian'', 13 January 2026

* The EEOC request prompted widespread alarm and condemnation among Jewish faculty, and earned rebukes from the university’s Hillel and other Jewish groups. Steven Weitzman, a professor with Penn’s religious studies department who also served on the university’s antisemitism taskforce, said that the mere request for such lists “instills a sense of vulnerability among Jews” and that the government cannot guarantee that the information it collects won’t fall “into the wrong hands or have unintended consequences”. “Part of what sets off alarm bells for people like me is a history of people using Jewish lists against Jews,” he said . “The Nazi campaign against Jews depended on institutions like universities handing over information about their Jewish members to the authorities.” “As Jewish study scholars, we know well the dangers of collecting such information,” said Beth Wenger, who teaches Jewish history at Penn. It’s not the first time the EEOC’s efforts to fight antisemitism have caused alarm among Jewish faculty. Last spring, the commission texted the personal phones of employees of Barnard College, the women’s school affiliated with Columbia University, linking to a survey that asked respondents whether they identified as Jewish or Israeli.
** Alice Speri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/upenn-faculty-condemn-trump-administration-s-demand-for-lists-of-jews/ar-AA1U9l5D?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6967494810e94f57852b9e1e680b4105&amp;ei=17/&quot;UPENN faculty condemn Trump administration’s demand for ‘lists of Jews’&quot;], ''The Guardian'', 13 January 2026

*Iranian Patriots, KEEP PROTESTING - TAKE OVER YOUR INSTITUTIONS!!!... HELP IS ON ITS WAY.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] on Truth Social; [https://www.reuters.com/world/china/iranian-mp-warns-greater-unrest-urging-government-address-grievances-2026-01-13/ Trump urges Iranians to keep protesting, saying 'help is on its way'] ''Reuters'' 13 January 2026

* The Trump administration still hasn't released all of the Epstein files as required by law, and is instead exploring more kinetic ways to distract public attention from this uncomfortable fact, sources confirmed today. “And we all know the best way to divert attention from domestic problems is to bomb people with funny-sounding names overseas,” said a senior White House official. “So we’ve put together a target list of countries with weak militaries, weird names — or both — that we can hit with our few remaining Tomahawks to make sure the Big Man’s name doesn’t pop up in compromising positions in the Epstein documents.”&lt;br&gt;''Duffel Blog'' obtained the target list for Operation PEDO PALADIN, a contingency plan officials say has been sitting in a desk drawer labeled ‘Break Glass If Accountability Appears.’ According to sources, the president doesn’t particularly care which country gets hit first, largely because he can’t find any of them on a map anyway.
** ''Duffel Blog'', [https://www.duffelblog.com/top-10-countries-trump-will-send-you-to-attack-rather-than-release-the-epstein-files/&quot;Top 10 countries Trump will send you to attack rather than release the Epstein files&quot;], 14 January 2026

* '''Sure, technically it belongs to Denmark. But aside from the dozens of Danish soldiers who died alongside U.S. troops in Afghanistan and Iraq, what have the Danes really done for us lately?'''&lt;br&gt;Stephen Miller (from that special category of American military-age males who nevertheless somehow Perpetually Evaded the GWOT, or PEG), Marco Rubio (PEG), Don Jr. (PEG), and Eric Trump (also PEG) all agree Greenland is critical to U.S. national security, and if you have to die for it, that’s a sacrifice they are fully prepared to let you make. Be advised: Greenland, as part of Denmark, has access to the most formidable fixed and scatterable obstacles known to humankind — which, according to a redacted memo from Epstein to Trump, also double as excellent field-expedient butt plugs.
** ''Duffel Blog'', [https://www.duffelblog.com/top-10-countries-trump-will-send-you-to-attack-rather-than-release-the-epstein-files/&quot;Top 10 countries Trump will send you to attack rather than release the Epstein files&quot;], 14 January 2026

* Experts sounded a dire alarm after the Trump administration pulled the plug on nearly $2 billion in substance abuse and mental health funding, leaving thousands of providers scrambling and patients in a lurch. Up to 2,800 grantees through the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration received termination letters immediately — wiping out about 26% of the agency's entire budget with zero warning, The Guardian reported Wednesday. “It feels like Armageddon for everyone who’s on the frontlines of the addiction and mental health space,” Ryan Hampton, founder of Mobilize Recovery, a national advocacy organization for people in and seeking recovery, told the outlet. “The scope of care that’s disrupted by these grants is catastrophic. Tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of people will die.”
** Daniel Hampton, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/wellness/experts-warn-trump-just-sentenced-thousands-to-death-with-2b-cut/ar-AA1UeoyZ?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696895f1a2c442409efcf6f48ecb963e&amp;ei=15/&quot;Experts warn Trump just sentenced thousands to death with $2B cut&quot;], ''Raw Story'', 14 January 2026

* Providers awoke to devastation that they'd be forced to conduct staff layoffs, program shutdowns, and that services would be halted immediately. The cuts axe overdose prevention, naloxone distribution, school mental health support, and help for pregnant women struggling with substance abuse. “Overnight, our entire backbone and infrastructure of addiction and mental health in this country flipped up on its head,” Hampton said. “These grants are lifesaving tools that honestly are a good reason why we have started to see a reversal in trends of drug overdoses in this country.” The move comes as overdose deaths finally dropped 27% in 2024 after two decades of climbing rates. &quot;All of us are in a state of complete and utter shock that the administration would take such a reckless action,&quot; Hampton said. Legal challenges loom, but Hampton warned the damage is happening now. &quot;People will die. People will die.&quot;
** Daniel Hampton, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/wellness/experts-warn-trump-just-sentenced-thousands-to-death-with-2b-cut/ar-AA1UeoyZ?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=696895f1a2c442409efcf6f48ecb963e&amp;ei=15/&quot;Experts warn Trump just sentenced thousands to death with $2B cut&quot;], ''Raw Story'', 14 January 2026

* The Environmental Protection Agency is taking a major step toward changing its math to favor polluters over people: It’s going to stop tallying up the dollar value of lives saved and hospital visits avoided by air pollution regulations.  Instead, the agency will consider the effects of regulations without attaching a price tag to human life. In particular, the EPA is changing how it conducts the cost-benefit analysis of regulations for two major pollutants, fine particulate matter smaller than 2.5 microns — usually referred to as PM2.5 — and ozone. The change was buried in a document published this month analyzing the economic impacts of final pollution regulations for power plants, arguing that the way the EPA historically calculated the economic benefits of regulations had too much uncertainty and gave people “a false sense of precision.” So to fix this, the EPA will stop tabulating the benefits altogether “until the Agency is confident enough in the modeling to properly monetize those impacts.” The news was first reported by the New York Times. On X, EPA administrator Lee Zeldin pushed back on the reporting, calling it “another dishonest, fake news claim” and that the agency is still considering lives saved when setting pollution limits.
** Umair Irfan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/markets/trump-s-epa-is-setting-the-value-of-human-health-to-0/ar-AA1UcWiK?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6968c4deab0b425b93dfafe8d228d2c2&amp;ei=10/&quot;Trump’s EPA is setting the value of human health to $0&quot;], ''Vox'', 14 January 2026

* I spoke with several experts, including former EPA officials, and in fact, the change could lead to worsening air quality and harm public health. The EPA exists to regulate pollution that harms people, and when it comes to things like ozone and tiny particles, there is robust evidence of the damage they can do, contributing to heart attacks and asthma attacks. Measured over populations, air pollution takes years off of people’s lives. Every year in the United States alone, air pollution pushes 135,000 people into early graves. “There is a lot of science that shows very clearly that being exposed to increasing levels of PM2.5 has significant health impacts,” said Janet McCabe, who served as the EPA’s deputy administrator under President Joe Biden.
** Umair Irfan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/markets/trump-s-epa-is-setting-the-value-of-human-health-to-0/ar-AA1UcWiK?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6968c4deab0b425b93dfafe8d228d2c2&amp;ei=10/&quot;Trump’s EPA is setting the value of human health to $0&quot;], ''Vox'', 14 January 2026

* Anytime the EPA wants to issue a new regulation — say, revising how much mercury a power plant is allowed to emit — it looks at both the costs and the benefits before finalizing the rule. The EPA adds up how much companies would likely have to spend on things like installing upgraded scrubbers in smokestacks. Then the agency estimates the economic benefit of imposing the regulation, such as more days with cleaner air or fewer workers calling out sick. The biggest benefits usually come from improving health through things like avoiding hospital visits and reducing early deaths. There is some fuzziness in the numbers on both sides of the ledger though. If a bunch of companies turn to a handful of suppliers for pollution control equipment, that could drive up compliance costs. And how exactly do you price a hypothetical emergency room trip that didn’t happen? “In my experience at EPA, there’s never a perfect estimate of costs or benefits,” McCabe said. Yet even with imperfect calculations, regulators could get a decent sense of whether the juice was worth the squeeze when it comes to a new pollution standard, and the public would get a window into how the decision was made.&lt;br&gt;Under the Biden administration, the EPA found that enforcing the more stringent PM2.5 regulations it issued in 2024 would add up to $46 billion in health benefits by 2032, vastly more than the cost of complying with the rule. The EPA now effectively wants to put receipts from the benefits side of the ledger through the shredder.
** Umair Irfan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/markets/trump-s-epa-is-setting-the-value-of-human-health-to-0/ar-AA1UcWiK?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6968c4deab0b425b93dfafe8d228d2c2&amp;ei=10/&quot;Trump’s EPA is setting the value of human health to $0&quot;], ''Vox'', 14 January 2026

* This change in math is part of a broader pattern at the EPA — and across the federal government — of just measuring and counting fewer things under the second Trump Administration. The EPA has already closed its Office of Research and Development, which was meant to provide the scientific basis for environmental regulations, like tracking the effects of toxic chemicals on the human body. With less data on science and economics, agencies like the EPA have less accountability for their actions as they face more pressure from the White House to cut regulations and craft policies benefiting politically favored industries. It also sets the stage for taking the teeth out of other regulations, like the Clean Air Act. The EPA has already dismantled its legal foundation for addressing climate change.&lt;br&gt;Joseph Goffman, who served as assistant administrator of the EPA’s air and radiation office under Biden, said this change in how the EPA calculates health benefits is part of a broader campaign against air pollution regulations. “It really illustrates what the ulterior motive is and that is to mute or mask the true impact of [particulate matter] exposure and the huge benefits that flow from reducing it,” Goffman said. “Suddenly deciding that you can’t ascribe a dollar value to reducing PM really is convenient to the point of being instrumental to Zeldin’s efforts to weaken PM standards.”&lt;br&gt;If the EPA never comes up with a new way to monetize the health benefits of regulations, it’s likely that improvements in air quality will stall, and air pollution could get worse. “One would anticipate that we could see PM 2.5 levels rising across the country,” Hasenkopf said.
** Umair Irfan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/markets/trump-s-epa-is-setting-the-value-of-human-health-to-0/ar-AA1UcWiK?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6968c4deab0b425b93dfafe8d228d2c2&amp;ei=10/&quot;Trump’s EPA is setting the value of human health to $0&quot;], ''Vox'', 14 January 2026

* Jacqueline Smith, the outlet's ombudsman, said Stars and Stripes reports on matters important to service members and their families — not just weapons systems or war strategy — and she's detected nothing “woke” about its reporting. “I think it's very important that Stars and Stripes maintains its editorial independence, which is the basis of its credibility,” Smith said. A longtime newspaper editor in Connecticut, Smith's role was created by Congress three decades ago and she reports to the House Armed Services Committee. It's the latest move by the Trump administration to impose restrictions on journalists. Most reporters from legacy news outlets have left the Pentagon rather than to agree to new rules imposed by Hegseth that they feel would give him too much control over what they report and write. ''The New York Times'' has sued to overturn the regulations.
** David Bauder, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/defense-department-says-military-newspaper-stars-and-stripes-must-eliminate-woke-distractions/ar-AA1UiEZG?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69696be6758e4eb0ab19b9d3100aacec&amp;ei=13/&quot;Defense Department says military newspaper Stars and Stripes must eliminate 'woke distractions'&quot;], ''The Associated Press'', 15 January 2026

* Trump has also sought to shut down government-funded outlets like Voice of America and Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty that report independent news about the world in countries overseas. Also this week, the administration raided the home of a ''Washington Post'' journalist as part of an investigation into a contractor accused of stealing government secrets, a move many journalists interpreted as a form of intimidation. ''The Post'' reported that applicants to ''Stars and Stripes'' were being asked how they would advance Trump's executive orders and policy priorities in the role. They were asked to identify one or two orders or initiatives that were significant to them. That raised questions about whether it was appropriate for a journalist to be given what is, in effect, a loyalty test. Smith said it was the government's Office of Personnel Management — not the newspaper — that was responsible for the question on job applications and said it was consistent with what was being asked of applicants for other government jobs. But she said it was not something that should be asked of journalists. “The loyalty is to the truth, not the administration,” she said.
** David Bauder, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/defense-department-says-military-newspaper-stars-and-stripes-must-eliminate-woke-distractions/ar-AA1UiEZG?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69696be6758e4eb0ab19b9d3100aacec&amp;ei=13/&quot;Defense Department says military newspaper Stars and Stripes must eliminate 'woke distractions'&quot;], ''The Associated Press'', 15 January 2026

* Traditional conservatives are as anti-fascist as any liberal. Their political vision is derived by libertarian thinkers of past centuries, such as John Locke and Edmund Burke. Their modern philosophy was articulated by erudite commentators like William F. Buckley and George Will. Their political heroes are men like Ronald Reagan and John McCain. Today on the right, there are plenty of folks who call themselves conservatives -- they are all over social media, they fill every time slot of Fox News and they dominate the Republican Party. Yet, these claimants to a long tradition that favors limited government, the rule of law and the advancement of liberty are unquestioning supporters of a president whose actions are those of a lawless, aspiring dictator.&lt;br&gt;'''These people who claim to be conservatives, yet enthusiastically cheer for a man who violates the core tenets of traditional conservatism every day, should stop pretending they are something they are not and simply accept the better description of what they have become. It is a word that starts with F.'''
** David Horsey, [https://horseytoons.substack.com/p/if-it-talks-like-a-fascist-and-acts/&quot;If it talks like a fascist and acts like a fascist, it's a fascist&quot;], David Horsey's substack, 15 January 2026

* A 15-strong French military contingent has arrived in the Greenland capital Nuuk, officials say, as several European states send soldiers there as part of a so-called reconnaissance mission. The deployment, which will also include personnel from Germany, Sweden, Norway and the UK, comes as US President Donald Trump continues to press his claim to the Arctic island, which is a semi-autonomous part of Denmark. The deployment of European NATO allies of Denmark to Nuuk was unprecedented, said French special envoy Olivier Poivre d'Arvor, who saw it as sending a strong political signal. &quot;This is a first exercise... we'll show the US that NATO is present.&quot;&lt;br&gt;Trump has doubled down on his bid to bring Greenland under US control, telling reporters in the Oval Office &quot;we need Greenland for national security&quot;. Although he has not ruled out the use of force, he said late on Wednesday that he thought something could be worked out with Denmark.&lt;br&gt;&quot;The problem is there's not a thing that Denmark can do about it if Russia or China wants to occupy Greenland, but there's everything we can do. You found that out last week with Venezuela.&quot;
** Paul Kirby, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/europe-allies-begin-greenland-military-mission-as-trump-says-us-needs-island/ar-AA1UgTRI?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6968d79738504d33839bb80beefc085f&amp;ei=18/&quot;Europe allies begin Greenland military mission as Trump says US needs island&quot;], BBC, 15 January 2026

* Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk said Poland was not planning to join the European military deployment to Greenland, but warned that any US military intervention there &quot;would be a political disaster&quot;. &quot;A conflict or attempted annexation of the territory of a NATO member by another Nato member would be the end of the world as we know it - and which for many years guaranteed our security,&quot; he told a press conference. Russia's embassy in Belgium meanwhile expressed &quot;serious concern&quot; at what was unfolding in the Arctic, accusing NATO of building up a military presence there &quot;under the false pretext of a growing threat from Moscow and Beijing&quot;. However, the European NATO deployment consists of only a few dozen personnel as part of Danish-led joint exercises called Operation Arctic Endurance. While heavy in symbolism, it was not immediately clear how long they would stay.&lt;br&gt;Germany was sending an A400M transport plane to Nuuk on Thursday with a contingent of 13 soldiers, although officials said they would stay in Greenland only until Saturday. Danish defence officials said they had decided with the government of Greenland that there would be an increased military presence around Greenland in the coming period to bolster Nato's &quot;footprint in the Arctic for the benefit of both European and transatlantic security&quot;.
** Paul Kirby, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/europe-allies-begin-greenland-military-mission-as-trump-says-us-needs-island/ar-AA1UgTRI?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6968d79738504d33839bb80beefc085f&amp;ei=18/&quot;Europe allies begin Greenland military mission as Trump says US needs island&quot;], BBC, 15 January 2026

* The US already has a military base in Greenland, currently staffed by up to 150 people, and has the option of bringing in far greater numbers under existing agreements with Copenhagen. But the Danish-led initiative is seen as signalling to the Trump administration that its European allies also have a stake in security in the Arctic and North Atlantic. Sweden's prime minister said Swedish army officers had been sent to Nuuk on Wednesday. Two Norwegians and one British military officer were also being sent. Downing Street said the UK shared President Trump's concern about &quot;the security of the High North&quot;, and said the deployment involved &quot;stepping up with stronger exercising, to deter the Russian aggression and the Chinese activity.&quot; Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen said on Thursday that defence and protection of Greenland was a common concern for the entire NATO alliance.
** Paul Kirby, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/europe-allies-begin-greenland-military-mission-as-trump-says-us-needs-island/ar-AA1UgTRI?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6968d79738504d33839bb80beefc085f&amp;ei=18/&quot;Europe allies begin Greenland military mission as Trump says US needs island&quot;], BBC, 15 January 2026

* Danish Defence Minister Troels Lund Poulsen said the intention was to have a military presence &quot;in rotation&quot;, with the aim of having a more permanent military presence on the island with foreign allies taking part in exercise and training activities. Copenhagen has disputed Trump's justification for wanting to control Greenland. Foreign Minister Lars Lokke Rasmussen said on Wednesday there was no &quot;instant threat&quot; from China or Russia that Denmark and Greenland could not accommodate, although he shared American security concerns to some extent. A Democratic-led US delegation is due to visit Denmark on Friday for talks with Danish MPs. Rasmussen spoke alongside Greenland's foreign minister after talks with US Vice-President JD Vance and Secretary of State Marco Rubio. The Danish diplomat said the talks were &quot;frank but constructive&quot;. He described a &quot;fundamental disagreement&quot; between the two sides and later criticised Trump's bid to buy Greenland.&lt;br&gt;&quot;The president's ambition is on the table,&quot; the Danish diplomat told Fox News. &quot;Of course we have our red lines. This is 2026, you trade with people but you don't trade people.&quot; Greenland's Prime Minister, Jens-Frederik Nielsen, said this week that the territory was in the midst of a geopolitical crisis, and that if his people were asked to make a choice they would choose Denmark over the US. &quot;Greenland does not want to be owned by the United States. Greenland does not want to be governed by the United States. Greenland does not want to be part of the United States,&quot; he stressed.
** Paul Kirby, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/europe-allies-begin-greenland-military-mission-as-trump-says-us-needs-island/ar-AA1UgTRI?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6968d79738504d33839bb80beefc085f&amp;ei=18/&quot;Europe allies begin Greenland military mission as Trump says US needs island&quot;], BBC, 15 January 2026

* '''Trump and his minions are energetically closing the last exit built into the system that prevents absolute dictatorship.''' They intend to orchestrate the sham elections familiar in all dictatorships, or abolish them. They are not joking. This will be the death blow to the American experiment. There will be no going back. We will become a police state. Our freedoms, already under heavy assault, will be extinguished. At that point, only mass mobilizations and strikes will thwart the solidification of the dictatorship. And such actions, as we see in Minneapolis, will be greeted with lethal state repression.
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2026/01/20/chris-hedges-the-last-election/ &quot;The Last Election&quot;], Scheerpost, 19 January 2026

* Thousands took to the streets in subzero temperatures Friday afternoon to protest the Trump administration’s immigration crackdown in Minnesota. Demonstrators wore snowboots and ski goggles, passed around handwarmers and carried signs taped to hockey sticks. Protesters’s eyelashes and beards froze while they chanted “ICE out” and “Minnesota nice, but F— ICE” during a two-hour march through downtown Minneapolis. The march was part of a day of events that encouraged Minnesotans to boycott school, work and shopping in protest of the surge of Immigration and Customs Enforcement in the Twin Cities. ICE agents have been deployed en masse in Minnesota, in what the Department of Homeland Security has described as the largest operation in its history. The enforcement efforts followed a welfare-fraud scandal that put the state’s Somali community into the national spotlight.
** Mariah Timms &amp; Jack Morphet, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-of-minnesotans-protest-ice-in-subzero-temperatures/ar-AA1UQEbY?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69748550bd2d43a586595be2a40c3645&amp;ei=17/&quot;Thousands of Minnesotans protest ICE in subzero temperatures&quot;], ''Wall Street Journal'', 23 January 2026

* Vice President JD Vance visited Minneapolis on Thursday to urge local officials in the left-leaning city to cooperate with federal authorities to quell what he called “chaos.” The administration has blamed state and local officials for some of the tension. White House officials have denigrated the state’s existing policies and laws that limit cooperation with civil immigration enforcement, including refusing to house ICE detainees in local jails in many situations.&lt;br&gt;During demonstrations in Minneapolis on Friday, roughly 100 clergy members were arrested at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. Mostly Christian clergy and faith leaders rallied at the airport, where they claimed planes were flying detained migrants out of the state as part of ICE’s “Operation Metro Surge,” according to Justin Lind-Ayres, a Lutheran pastor in Minneapolis. The MSP Airport Police Department confirmed officers made arrests, but didn’t immediately confirm how many. Protesters at the airport, some wearing clerical stoles draped over their shoulders, knelt while singing hymns and reciting the Lord’s Prayer in frigid conditions that dipped to a low of minus-20 degrees Fahrenheit on Friday, before being handcuffed and led away, video showed.
** Mariah Timms &amp; Jack Morphet, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-of-minnesotans-protest-ice-in-subzero-temperatures/ar-AA1UQEbY?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69748550bd2d43a586595be2a40c3645&amp;ei=17/&quot;Thousands of Minnesotans protest ICE in subzero temperatures&quot;], ''Wall Street Journal'', 23 January 2026

* Protesters at the downtown march said the huge crowds in harsh weather showed Minnesotans are serious about their wishes for the current ICE operation, and the use of force tactics the officers are employing, to end. “We’re not afraid of ICE, we’re not going to back down. We’re strong, we’re here for our neighbors, we’re here for our community,” said Brianna Verbout, 26, a Minneapolis resident. “Imagine how many people would be out here if it wasn’t negative 20.” “Who cares if you’re cold? We’re used to being cold,” Cindy Boggs, a retired church worker who has lived in Minnesota for the past 50 years, said. “We just gotta stand up and keep with it. I can’t take the cruelty that’s happening to people.”&lt;br&gt;Homeland Security has defended its tactics and maintained it needs to detain immigrants living in the U.S. illegally. Mass immigration enforcement was a key promise of President Trump’s campaign coming into his second term, and officials have expanded the role of agencies like U.S. Customs and Border Protection into the interior to assist with it.
** Mariah Timms &amp; Jack Morphet, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-of-minnesotans-protest-ice-in-subzero-temperatures/ar-AA1UQEbY?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69748550bd2d43a586595be2a40c3645&amp;ei=17/&quot;Thousands of Minnesotans protest ICE in subzero temperatures&quot;], ''Wall Street Journal'', 23 January 2026

* The free world exhaled on Wednesday when President Trump retreated from his administration’s threat to invade Greenland. That relief, however, masks the damage that Mr. Trump has done to America this week. Mr. Trump’s apologists once dismissed his bullying of Greenland as an attempt at humor. Instead, it has been something far darker. His immoral threats against a loyal NATO ally have escalated a crisis in U.S.-European relations, weakened one of history’s most successful alliances and hurt American interests in tangible ways.
** ''The New York Times'' Editorial Board, [https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/24/opinion/trump-nato-greenland.html?smtyp=cur&amp;smid=fb-nytimes&amp;utm_sf_cserv_ref=5281959998&amp;utm_sf_post_ref=658798072&amp;fbclid=IwY2xjawPiHMJleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZBAyMjIwMzkxNzg4MjAwODkyAAEevT9BCKQZMttc_GRA1X4zf15Ra11H3jgLeH1aesrftQ9y94DxRHmQyIhInbY_aem_zdyugozf18OqwWvsopsO1w/&quot;The World Will Remember Trump’s Greenland Outburst&quot;], 24 January 2026

* In the second Trump administration, immigration policy is made with big round numbers. There’s a formula: First the White House sets an ambitious goal—1 million deportations a year, 3,000 immigration arrests a day. Then it presses the federal workforce to meet the target. Last year, Trump officials pledged to double staffing at ICE by adding 10,000 new deportation officers by January 2026. Stephen Miller treated the recruitment drive as a priority on par with the deportation push, demanding daily updates on the pace of hiring. Immigration and Customs Enforcement held job expos in multiple cities and dangled $50,000 bonuses, student-loan forgiveness, and other perks before potential recruits.&lt;br&gt;Just after New Year’s Day, the Department of Homeland Security declared victory, celebrating an ICE hiring spree that “shattered expectations” and achieved a “120% Manpower Increase.” DHS said it received more than 220,000 applications (many candidates applied for three or four different jobs) and signed up 12,000 new officers, agents, and legal staff in about four months. No federal law-enforcement agency has ever expanded this fast.
** Nick Miroff, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/the-truth-about-ice-s-recruiting-push/ar-AA1UTSMs?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69755f9d891f4014aabdf6bf772c6a7e&amp;ei=9/&quot;The truth about ICE’s recruiting push&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 24 January 2026

* ICE veterans I’ve spoken with have concerns about the qualifications and aptitude of their new colleagues, especially those with little or no previous law-enforcement experience. Some academy classes have had dropout rates near 50 percent because so many failed the physical-fitness requirements. The Trump administration slashed the length of the training course from about five months to 47 days last summer—because Trump is the 47th president, three officials told me at the time—then cut it further. Now it’s 42 days.
** Nick Miroff, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/the-truth-about-ice-s-recruiting-push/ar-AA1UTSMs?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69755f9d891f4014aabdf6bf772c6a7e&amp;ei=9/&quot;The truth about ICE’s recruiting push&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 24 January 2026

* The administration also wants more ICE officers on the streets. Trump officials have brought in Border Patrol agents to act as reinforcements in cities such as Los Angeles, Chicago and now Minneapolis. Trump’s rolling campaign has generally targeted one location at a time, but the new hiring surge will give the administration enough personnel to target multiple cities at once. Trump officials say they are filling the jobs by hiring experienced law-enforcement officers from other federal agencies or state and local police departments. Many of the new hires are anxious about their career prospects at ICE once the burst of onetime funding runs out, officials at ICE and DHS told me, especially if Democrats take control of Congress.&lt;br&gt;One ICE official I spoke with told me that some of the new hires, especially rehired retirees, are having second thoughts. Hundreds of the returning officers have been ordered to Minnesota, two officials said, where the administration is conducting the largest-ever DHS crackdown. Some officers have been so cold and miserable that they’ve already quit, and ICE officials have held calls to figure out how to deal with the sudden resignations.&lt;br&gt;Returning officers who have come back from retirement are finding themselves in unfamiliar roles. They spent much of their careers trying to conduct low-key “targeted enforcement” operations in which they planned arrests in advance and sought to take suspects into custody in the safest and least dramatic way possible. Now they’re out in the streets wearing masks, with protesters yelling at them and video cameras rolling. ICE has changed, and the job isn’t the same.
** Nick Miroff, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/the-truth-about-ice-s-recruiting-push/ar-AA1UTSMs?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69755f9d891f4014aabdf6bf772c6a7e&amp;ei=9/&quot;The truth about ICE’s recruiting push&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', 24 January 2026

* Most of the federal government could shut down at the end of the week. But that likely wouldn’t halt aggressive ICE and border patrol operations in Minneapolis and other parts of the country. Democrats are up in arms after Border Patrol agents fatally shot Alex Pretti, an ICU nurse and U.S. citizen, in Minneapolis over the weekend. That came after an ICE officer shot and killed Renee Good, another Minneapolis resident and citizen, in her car earlier this month.&lt;br&gt;Under enormous pressure from the base, Senate Democrats have vowed to block a sweeping government funding bill unless significant restrictions are imposed on the Trump administration's immigration enforcement operations.&lt;br&gt;With Republicans plowing ahead with a vote on the House-passed $1.2 trillion funding package later this week, a partial shutdown beginning Saturday now seems increasingly likely. Money is set to run out for the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), which oversees ICE, and many other critical agencies late Friday night.
** Scott Wong, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/most-of-the-government-could-shut-down-this-weekend-ice-operations-would-carry-on/ar-AA1V1rWv?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6978cb48d3bb4d05a60d6795f9688d96&amp;ei=16/&quot;Most of the government could shut down this weekend. ICE operations would carry on&quot;], NBC News, 26 January 2026

* Yet, even if Democrats shut down the government, ICE operations aren't likely to be hindered in any meaningful way. Under DHS's shutdown plan, a GOP leadership source said, ICE employees would be considered &quot;excepted&quot; workers and would be required to continue showing up to work, though they, like other workers, would not get paid. On top of that, even in a shutdown, ICE would continue to have ample funding since the agency received $75 billion of additional money for detention and enforcement from Trump’s “big, beautiful bill&quot; last year, the GOP source noted.
** Scott Wong, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/most-of-the-government-could-shut-down-this-weekend-ice-operations-would-carry-on/ar-AA1V1rWv?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6978cb48d3bb4d05a60d6795f9688d96&amp;ei=16/&quot;Most of the government could shut down this weekend. ICE operations would carry on&quot;], NBC News, 26 January 2026

* If the government funding lapses at the end of the week, it would mark the second federal shutdown in four months during Trump's second term in office. Senate Democrats blocked a funding bill last fall, demanding that the GOP include an extension to expiring Obamacare tax credits. That shut the government down for 43 days — the longest shutdown in U.S. history. Eight Democrats ultimately caved, voting with Republicans to reopen the government without a deal on the health care subsidies. Polling showed Republicans shouldering more blame for the shutdown than Democrats.
** Scott Wong, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/most-of-the-government-could-shut-down-this-weekend-ice-operations-would-carry-on/ar-AA1V1rWv?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6978cb48d3bb4d05a60d6795f9688d96&amp;ei=16/&quot;Most of the government could shut down this weekend. ICE operations would carry on&quot;], NBC News, 26 January 2026

* Nearly a year ago, the Education Department sent universities and K-12 school districts scrambling with a sweeping but vague directive. The “Dear Colleague” letter said schools may be in violation of federal law if they consider race in virtually any way — hiring, discipline policy, scholarships and programming. After a lawsuit and a defeat in court, however, the Trump administration says it is dropping the matter entirely. That means an August federal court order blocking the “Dear Colleague” letter will stand. The Trump administration had also demanded that schools certify that they are in compliance with the letter, and that demand is now dead, too.&lt;br&gt;Still, it is unclear how significant the impact will be. The Trump administration, which made sweeping changes to education over its first year, can still work to impose its view of the law on schools through enforcement actions and other pressure. For instance, in July, the Justice Department published a memo that included many of the same ideas that were in the Education Department’s letter. Further, many schools have already changed their diversity, equity and inclusion policies, wary of running afoul of the administration’s anti-DEI stance.
** Laura Meckler, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/trump-letter-banning-dei-in-schools-is-dead-after-legal-appeal-is-dropped/ar-AA1USkjb?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69756d3d22a84125b0b92c399dc88f28&amp;ei=11/&quot;Trump letter banning DEI in schools is dead after legal appeal is dropped&quot;], ''The Washington Post'', 29 January 2026

* Many schools may continue to comply with the anti-DEI directive in an effort to stave off attention from the administration, said Frederick Hess, director of education policy studies at the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative think tank. “One of the things we have seen is how reluctant institutional leaders are to get crosswise with the federal government, whether or not it’s clearly aligned with the law,” he said.&lt;br&gt;Either way, Hess said he was pleased that the February letter is no longer in force. That’s because he does not think those types of guidance documents should be used to make policy — something that both Democratic and Republican administrations have done in the past. “Dear Colleague letters have become a blunt instrument to move thousands of postsecondary institutions or 10,000-plus school districts in one direction or another, and I don’t think that’s an appropriate use of them,” he said. “I don’t think that’s good for anybody.”
** Laura Meckler, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/trump-letter-banning-dei-in-schools-is-dead-after-legal-appeal-is-dropped/ar-AA1USkjb?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69756d3d22a84125b0b92c399dc88f28&amp;ei=11/&quot;Trump letter banning DEI in schools is dead after legal appeal is dropped&quot;], ''The Washington Post'', 29 January 2026

==== February 2026 ====
*US President [[Donald Trump]] has urged [[Republicans]] to &quot;nationalise&quot; elections and repeated his false claims of 2020 election fraud in a new podcast interview.&lt;br&gt;American elections are primarily run by state law, and voting has long been administered by local officials across the country.&lt;br&gt;The Republicans should say: &quot;We want to take over. We should take over the voting in at least 15 places&quot;. The Republicans ought to nationalise the voting.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0mke841zj0o&quot;Trump says Republicans 'should take over the voting' and 'nationalise' US elections&quot;], ''BBC'' (3 February 2026)

* If Donald Trump’s presidency has any theme (beyond self-promotion), it’s that his &quot;[[America First (policy)|America First]]&quot; agenda will [[Make America Great Again]]. Unfortunately for the American people, if Trump’s maneuvers and machinations have made any nation greater, it’s been [[China]], not the [[United States]].
**[[w:Steven Greenhouse|Steven Greenhouse]] writing in [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/feb/05/donald-trump-making-china-great-again &quot;Donald Trump is making China great again&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (5 Feb 2026)

* Have you ever disliked the outcome of something? Don’t you wish you could change it? Of course, you can’t. The lesson has been drilled into us since childhood: You get what you get, and you don’t get upset. Unfortunately, it appears that Donald Trump and the Republican Party never received that helpful memo. Trump constantly complains about the “stolen” 2020 election to this day, even though it was quite fair. Like a child throwing a temper tantrum, he can’t resist bringing it up. But Trump’s whims are far more dangerous than child’s play, because he just might try to destroy the democratic experiment while he’s whining – and string Republicans along with him.&lt;br&gt;This past week, on a podcast with rightwing personality Dan Bongino, Trump called for the federal government to “nationalize” elections in several Democratic strongholds. He later claimed, “Look at some of the places – that horrible corruption on elections – and the federal government should not allow that.” Regardless of Trump’s fantasies about rigged elections, the Constitution is clear: administering elections is a power given to the states, and the federal government cannot take over voting.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/12/patricks-politics-why-voter-suppression-is-all-the-rage-on-the-right/&quot;Why voter suppression is all the rage on the right &quot;], ''The Daily Campus'', 12 February 2026

* The Republican Party, as ever, seems willing to dance for their ruler. In Congress, Republicans are busy sating Trump’s desire to shift how elections are run. As I’m writing this column, the SAVE America Act is coming up for a vote in the U.S. House. This act would make it significantly harder to vote, making potential voters explicitly prove their citizenship before they cast their ballots. On the surface, this might not seem like a bad idea. Why not ensure our elections are safe and secure? The bill, however, ignores that many Americans don’t carry proof of citizenship on them, such as a passport or birth certificate. It also solves a nonexistent problem; despite false claims of mass illegal voting, it is extremely rare for noncitizens to vote.&lt;br&gt;So then why try to pass this bill? The answer is, Republicans don’t actually want to stop voter fraud. They want to stop people from casting their ballots. They want voter suppression.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/12/patricks-politics-why-voter-suppression-is-all-the-rage-on-the-right/&quot;Why voter suppression is all the rage on the right &quot;], ''The Daily Campus'', 12 February 2026

* All of this attempted voter suppression is clearly aimed at preventing a Republican loss in the midterms and beyond. Trump has already laid the groundwork by continuing to protest the 2020 election results, priming his supporters to be concerned about so-called “election integrity.” Regardless of whether bills like the SAVE America Act end up getting passed, we must still be vigilant about how our rights can be restricted. Regardless of whether ICE is deployed to polling stations or not, we must remember that the threat was made. And regardless of whether Trump does attempt to nationalize elections, we know the effort to suppress voting is born out of the desire to subvert democracy and cheat the system.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/12/patricks-politics-why-voter-suppression-is-all-the-rage-on-the-right/&quot;Why voter suppression is all the rage on the right &quot;], ''The Daily Campus'', 12 February 2026

* Donald Trump has never been one to side with science, especially climate science. He has often spread false claims about climate change being some sort of “hoax” or “scam.” You can imagine, then, how he feels about the Environmental Protection Agency, which is supposed to help counteract the effects of climate change and – as the name suggests – keep the environment healthy. A major pillar of the EPA’s efforts pre-Trump was the 2009 “endangerment finding,” which established the government position that greenhouse gases were detrimental to human health. However, the Trump administration announced it was formally revoking the EPA’s endangerment finding last week, beginning the supposed “single largest deregulatory action in U.S. history.” This revocation goes against established fact in order to service the interests of big business and the MAGA movement’s obsession with climate change denial. It leaves the EPA adrift and powerless, unable to address the ongoing tide of global warming.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/19/patricks-politics-without-climate-regulations-the-epa-protects-nothing/&quot;Without climate regulations, the EPA protects nothing &quot;], ''The Daily Campus'', 19 February 2026

* The endangerment finding was built on a 2007 Supreme Court case, ''Massachusetts v. EPA'', which determined that the EPA did have the authority under the 1970 Clean Air Act to regulate greenhouse gases because of their threat to public health. This decision allowed the EPA to carry out regulatory policies to restrict emissions of these harmful gases.  &lt;br&gt;Regulations are particularly important for transportation, which represents the largest share – 28% – of greenhouse gases released by the U.S. each year. The EPA’s own website says as much, which is deeply ironic given the Trump administration’s new policy eliminates all federal regulations on greenhouse gas emissions for vehicles and engines from 2012 onwards. These regulations help prevent companies from simply having their fossil fuel output run rampant. Eliminating the regulations would mean America is now significantly out of step with other industrialized countries, which are busy expanding their own environmental protections and renewable energy sources. Trump’s mission of deregulation represents a major step backwards, and it’s about to cast aside restrictions in an area where the U.S. is already failing to protect the environment.&lt;br&gt;Essentially, the Trump administration’s main argument for revoking the endangerment finding is that American taxpayers will save $1.3 trillion due to deregulation. Since the idea of cost is apparently so important to Trump, according to a federal report from 2023, climate change is costing the U.S. $150 billion per year. That is a conservative estimate that only factors in direct damages, and the number will only grow larger as temperatures and sea levels rise, setting up more frequent and more destructive extreme weather events.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/19/patricks-politics-without-climate-regulations-the-epa-protects-nothing/&quot;Without climate regulations, the EPA protects nothing &quot;], ''The Daily Campus'', 19 February 2026

* Yet the Trump administration ignores that cost is a highly suspect way to measure the impacts of climate change in the first place. The damage of global warming is difficult to quantify, but we know its effects will significantly affect human life for the worse. As the Earth gets hotter and more inhospitable, we are barreling towards the point of no return when our effects on the climate cannot be stopped, and that future cannot be quantified in numbers. It can only be quantified in the suffering that will result. People will have to uproot their entire lives to deal with ever-more frequent disasters and the long-term effects of global heating, especially in coastal areas where seas will rise. The country of Tuvalu, a Pacific island nation, is already trying to upload a digital copy of itself in the face of being swallowed by the rising ocean. The potential loss of an entire nation cannot be quantified, and neither can many of climate change’s adverse effects.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/19/patricks-politics-without-climate-regulations-the-epa-protects-nothing/&quot;Without climate regulations, the EPA protects nothing &quot;], ''The Daily Campus'', 19 February 2026

* At the heart of the Trump administration’s decision is catering to the MAGA base. For years, Trump and the rightwing media apparatus have primed Republicans to be very skeptical of climate change, or at least deny it is a pressing issue. According to surveys from Pew Research Center, just 12% of Republicans think dealing with climate change should be a top priority. Deregulation has also long been a crucial part of the Republican agenda – the Reaganite principle of trickle-down economics rests partly on deregulation of businesses. In addition, the current EPA administrator, Lee Zeldin, formerly served as a Republican U.S. House member and was previously most well-known as a Trump sycophant. He was specifically selected as a fully political, rightwing appointee.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/19/patricks-politics-without-climate-regulations-the-epa-protects-nothing/&quot;Without climate regulations, the EPA protects nothing &quot;], ''The Daily Campus'', 19 February 2026

* Trump’s history of spreading conspiracy theories and falsehoods about climate change has served to muddy the waters with his base about whether the climate crisis is indeed real. Global heating has been settled science for years, but Republicans have grown more indifferent towards tackling it in recent years. Since Trump first took power after winning the 2016 election, ignoring climate change has become a political cudgel, wielded against the idea of “wokeness.” All of this means gutting the EPA’s authority doesn’t hold much meaning with Republicans, but it should. The climate crisis affects both Democrats and Republicans, independents and radicals. It is a crisis for humanity itself.  &lt;br&gt;Humanity, however, is not the Trump administration’s concern. The EPA, instead of protecting the environment and public health, is now beholden to the interests of fossil fuel corporations and purely political considerations. Without regulations, the EPA will work to increase the amount of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere, not decrease them. The agency has corrupted its mission, because without the endangerment finding, it is useless. And useless is just how Trump wants it.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/19/patricks-politics-without-climate-regulations-the-epa-protects-nothing/&quot;Without climate regulations, the EPA protects nothing &quot;], ''The Daily Campus'', 19 February 2026

*[[President Trump]] has designated the cartels as terrorist organisations and [[Mexico]] has already handed over dozens of cartel figures to them. The Trump factor is very important in what is happening
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/cpd81d7y901o &quot;Infantino sure of 'spectacular' World Cup in Mexico despite violence&quot;], ''BBC'' (23 February 2026)

*The lives of courageous American heroes may be lost, and we may have casualties. That often happens in war. We’re doing this not for now. We’re doing this for the future and it is a noble mission.
**[https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/us/news/trump-confirms-american-casualties-as-us-and-israel-launch-aerial-strikes-on-iran-justifies-the-noble-mission/articleshow/128879539.cms?from=mdr Trump confirms American casualties as US and Israel launch aerial strikes on Iran, justifies the ‘noble mission’] ''The Economic Times'' (February 28, 2026)

=====State of the Union address=====

*Today our border is secure, our spirit is restored, inflation is plummeting, incomes are rising fast, the roaring economy is roaring like never before, our enemies are scared, our military and police are stacked, and America is respected again, perhaps like never before....&lt;br /&gt;I say tonight, members of Congress, the state of our Union is strong. Our country is winning again. In fact, we’re winning so much that we really don’t know what to do about it.
**State of the Union speech before Congress, [https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/25/us/politics/state-of-the-union-transcript-trump.html 24 February 2026]

* Tonight I’m inviting every legislator to join with my administration in reaffirming a fundamental principle. If you agree with this statement, then stand up and show your support. The first duty of the American government is to protect American citizens. Not illegal aliens.&lt;br /&gt;Isn’t that a shame? You should be ashamed of yourself, not standing up. You should be ashamed of yourself.
**State of the Union speech before Congress, [https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/25/us/politics/state-of-the-union-transcript-trump.html 24 February 2026].

*They don’t want identification for the greatest privilege of them all: voting in America. Both Republicans and Democrats overwhelmingly agree on the policy that we just enunciated. And Congress should unite and enact this commonsense, country-saving legislation right now. And it should be before anything else happens. And the reason they don’t wanna do it, why would anybody not want voter ID? One reason! Because they wanna cheat. There’s only one reason.&lt;br&gt;They wanna cheat. They have cheated. And their policy is so bad that the only way they can get elected is to cheat. And we’re gonna stop it. We have to stop it.
**As quoted in [https://www.mediaite.com/media/news/trump-flat-out-says-democrats-cant-be-legitimately-elected-only-way-they-can-get-elected-is-to-cheat/ Trump Flat-Out Says Democrats Can’t Be Legitimately Elected: ‘Only Way They Can Get Elected Is to Cheat’] ''Mediaite'' (February 24, 2026)

*Mrs. Zarutska, tonight I promise you we will ensure justice for your magnificent daughter [[w:Murder of Iryna Zarutska|Iryna]].&lt;br /&gt;How do you not stand? How do you not stand?
**To members of Congress who did not stand up

==== March 2026 ====
[[File:Tehran - The Fourth Day of War 9 Avash.webp|thumb|Once again, America is going to war for Israel. Once again, many will die for the Zionist state, including American service members. Once again, we will stumble blindly into a military fiasco. Once again, we will do the bidding of a foreign power whose interests are not our interests, but whose lobbyists have bought up our political class, including Donald Trump. Once again, we will violate the U.N. charter by attacking a country that does not pose an imminent threat. ~ [[Chris Hedges]]]]
[[File:Naval Ensign of Germany.svg|thumb|This is not our war. We have ⁠not started it. What does [...] Trump expect a handful or two handfuls of European frigates to do in the Strait of Hormuz that the powerful ⁠U.S. Navy cannot do? ~ Boris Pistorius]]

{{Main|2026 Iran war}}

* '''Once again, America is going to war for Israel. Once again, many will die for the Zionist state, including American service members. Once again, we will stumble blindly into a military fiasco. Once again, we will do the bidding of a foreign power whose interests are not our interests, but whose lobbyists have bought up our political class, including Donald Trump. Once again, we will violate the U.N. charter by attacking a country that does not pose an imminent threat.'''
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2026/03/01/going-to-war-again-for-israel/ Going to War, Again, for Israel]. ScheerPost. (March 1, 2026)

*I got him before he got me. I got him first.
**[[Donald Trump]] referring to former Iranian politician and Shia cleric [[Ayatollah Ali Khamenei]];  [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2026/03/03/trump-assassination-attempts-iran-attack/ How Trump assassination attempts played into his decision to attack Iran] ''The Washington Post'' (March 3, 2026)

*There will be no deal with Iran except UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER! After that, and the selection of a GREAT &amp; ACCEPTABLE Leader(s), we, and many of our wonderful and very brave allies and partners, will work tirelessly to bring Iran back from the brink of destruction, making it economically bigger, better, and stronger than ever before.
**[[Donald Trump]] in a Truth Social post five days into [[w:2026 Iran war|the war against Iran]]; [https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/trump-urges-iranian-kurds-attack-iran-war-widens-2026-03-06/ Trump demands Iran's 'unconditional surrender,' complicating diplomatic paths] ''Reuters'' (March 5, 2026)

*The United Kingdom, our once Great Ally, maybe the Greatest of them all, is finally giving serious thought to sending two aircraft carriers to the Middle East. That’s OK, Prime Minister Starmer, we don’t need them any longer — But we will remember. We don’t need people that join Wars after we’ve already won!
**[[Donald Trump]] to British Prime Minister [[Keir Starmer]] informing him his help is not needed in [[w:2026 Iran war|the war against Iran]]; [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-tells-uks-starmer-thanks-but-no-thanks-on-last-minute-iran-help-war-is-already-won/ Trump Tells UK’s Starmer Thanks But No Thanks on Last-Minute Iran Help: War Is ‘Already Won!’] ''Mediaite'' (March 7, 2026)

*We took a little excursion because we felt we had to do that to get rid of some evil. And I think it's going to be a short-term excursion.
**[[Donald Trump]] to Republican lawmakers and donors, referring to [[w:2026 Iran war|the Iran war]]; [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2026/03/09/trump-house-gop-retreat-iran-war/89006813007/ Trump calls Iran war a 'little excursion'] ''USA Today'' (March 10, 2026)

*We strongly encourage other nations whose economies depend on this strait far more than ours. We get less than 1 percent of our oil from the strait and some countries get much more.&lt;br&gt;Japan gets 95 percent. China gets 90 percent. Many of the Europeans get quite a bit. Korea gets 35 percent. So we want them to come and help us with the strait.
**[[Donald Trump]] calling on nations to assist in opening up the [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|Strait of Hormuz]]  [[w:2026 Iran war|as a result of the US war with Iran]]; [https://koreajoongangdaily.joins.com/news/2026-03-17/national/defense/Trump-renews-calls-on-Korea-China-Japan-others-to-help-keep-Strait-of-Hormuz-open/2546310 Trump renews calls on Korea, China, Japan, others to help keep Strait of Hormuz open] ''Korea JoongAng Daily'' (March 17, 2026)

* '''This is not our war. We have ⁠not started it. What does [...] Trump expect a handful or two handfuls of European frigates to do in the Strait of Hormuz that the powerful ⁠U.S. Navy cannot do?'''
** German Defense Minister Boris Pistorius in response to [[Donald Trump]]'s call for other nations to assist in opening up the [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|Strait of Hormuz]]  [[w:2026 Iran war|as a result of the US war with Iran]]; [https://koreajoongangdaily.joins.com/news/2026-03-17/national/defense/Trump-renews-calls-on-Korea-China-Japan-others-to-help-keep-Strait-of-Hormuz-open/2546310 Trump renews calls on Korea, China, Japan, others to help keep Strait of Hormuz open] ''Korea JoongAng Daily'' (March 17, 2026)

*I do believe I’ll be the honor of – have the honor of taking Cuba. That would be good. That’s a big honor....
*Taking Cuba? In some form, yeah. I mean, whether I free it, or take it... I think I can do anything I want with it, to tell you the truth.
**[[Donald Trump]] responding on a question of his plans for [[Cuba]], quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-cuba-military-invasion-b2939753.html &quot;Trump says he’ll have the ‘honor of taking Cuba’ and can do ‘anything I want with it’&quot;], ''The Independent'' (17 March 2026)

*When it comes to dealing with the Americans, you have to pick and choose who you deal with and at which level. Luckily, some of the administration are easier to deal with than others. [[Marco Rubio|Rubio]] is sensible, like all Secretaries of State. [US Deputy Secretary of State Christopher] [[w:Christopher Landau|Landau]] is also useful and reasonable, as is [[Susie Wiles]], the chief of staff who was brought back to handle Trump in the second term. These people may be [[Make America Great Again|Maga]] but they are playing a game and are reasonable. The rest of them are, let’s say, challenging.
**British minister quoted in [https://inews.co.uk/news/politics/trump-obsessing-mortality-heres-why-uk-worried-4302241 &quot;Trump is obsessing over his own mortality. Insiders fear it will damage the UK&quot;], ''iNews'' (19 March 2026)

* '''Robert Mueller just died. Good, I’m glad he’s dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people!'''
**[[Donald Trump]] on Truth Social announcing the death of [[Robert Mueller]]; [https://www.mediaite.com/media/news/disgusting-and-despicable-critics-aghast-at-trump-celebrating-robert-muellers-death/ ‘Disgusting and Despicable’ Critics Aghast at Trump Celebrating Robert Mueller’s Death] ''Mediaite'' (March 21, 2026)

*If Iran doesn't FULLY OPEN, WITHOUT THREAT, the Strait of Hormuz, within 48 HOURS from this exact point in time, the United States of America will hit and obliterate their various POWER PLANTS, STARTING WITH THE BIGGEST ONE FIRST!
**[[Donald Trump]] in a Truth Social post, threatening to escalate [[w:2026 Iran war|the war with Iran]]; [https://www.axios.com/2026/03/22/trump-iran-48-hour-ultimatum-strait-of-hormuz Trump to Iran: Open Hormuz in 48 hours or U.S. bombs power plants] ''Axios'' (March 22, 2026)

*Immediately after the targeting of power plants and infrastructure in our country, vital infrastructure and energy and oil facilities across the region will be considered legitimate targets and will be destroyed irreversibly, and oil prices will rise for a long time.
**Iranian Parliament Speaker Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf responding to [[Donald Trump]]'s threat with a threat of his own; [https://www.axios.com/2026/03/22/trump-iran-48-hour-ultimatum-strait-of-hormuz Trump to Iran: Open Hormuz in 48 hours or U.S. bombs power plants] ''Axios'' (March 22, 2026)

*BASED ON THE TENOR AND TONE OF THESE IN DEPTH, DETAILED, AND CONSTRUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS, WITCH WILL CONTINUE THROUGHOUT THE WEEK, I HAVE INSTRUCTED THE DEPARTMENT OF WAR TO POSTPONE ANY AND ALL MILITARY STRIKES AGAINST IRANIAN POWER PLANTS AND ENERGY INFRASTRUCTURE FOR A FIVE DAY PERIOD, SUBJECT TO THE SUCCESS OF THE ONGOING MEETINGS AND DISCUSSIONS.
**[[Donald Trump]] in a Truth Social post backing off military threats despite Iran's foreign ministry saying there had been no talks between Iran and the U.S.; [https://www.axios.com/2026/03/23/trump-suspends-iran-strikes-hormuz-negotiations Trump says he's pausing Iran energy strikes for 5 days amid talks] ''Axios'' (March 23, 2026)

* President Trump late Sunday said there would be no deal to end the partial government shutdown until Democrats join with Republicans to pass the Safeguard American Voter Eligibility (SAVE America) Act.&lt;br&gt;“I don’t think we should make any deal with the Crazy, Country Destroying, Radical Left Democrats unless, and until, they Vote with Republicans to pass ‘THE SAVE AMERICA ACT,’” Trump wrote in a Truth Social post. “It is far more important than anything else we are doing in the Senate, and that includes giving these same terrible people, the Dems (who are to blame for this mess!), a Five Billion Dollar cut in ICE [Immigration and Customs Enforcement] funding, a deal which, even when disguised as something else, is unacceptable to me and the American people – UNLESS it includes their approval of Voter I.D., (with picture!), Citizenship to Vote, No Mail-In Voting (with exceptions), All Paper Ballots, No Men In Women’s Sports, and No Transgender MUTILIZATION of our precious children,” he added.&lt;br&gt;Trump has pressed for passage of the legislation, which would require proof of citizenship to vote and largely do away with mail-in ballots. Senate Majority Leader John Thune (R-S.D.) has repeatedly said there aren’t enough votes to get the bill over the line any time soon.
** Ashleigh Fields, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-no-shutdown-deal-until-democrats-support-save-america-act/ar-AA1ZdPmh?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69c15fde70bd459b9153427f1ae13714&amp;ei=17/&quot;Trump: No shutdown deal until Democrats support SAVE America Act&quot;], ''The Hill'', 23 March 2026

*So, we estimated it would take approximately four to six weeks to achieve our mission [in Iran]. 26 days in, we're extremely -- really a lot ahead of schedule. The Iranian regime is now admitting to itself that they have been decisively defeated.&lt;br&gt;They're saying to people, this is a disaster. They know it, that's why they're talking to us. They're only -- they wouldn't talk otherwise, but they're talking to us because they've got a disaster on their hands. They're defeated. They can't make a comeback. We're free to roam over their cities and towns and destroy all of their crazy nuclear weapons and missiles and drones that they're building, and we're doing that.&lt;br&gt;They now have a chance to make a deal, but that's up to them and they'll tell you, 'We're not negotiating. We will not negotiate.' Of course they're negotiating, they've been obliterated. Who wouldn't negotiate? They are begging to make a deal. We'll see if we can make the right deal. And if they make the right deal, then the Strait will open up, [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|Hormuz Strait]] will open up.
**[[Donald Trump]] commenting on [[w:2026 Iran war|the US war with Iran]] at a White House cabinet meeting; [https://rollcall.com/factbase/trump/transcript/donald-trump-remarks-cabinet-meeting-march-26-2026/ Remarks: Donald Trump Holds a Cabinet Meeting at the White House - March 26, 2026] ''Roll Call'' (March 26, 2026)

*I built this great military. I said, 'You'll never have to use it.' ​But sometimes you have to use it. And Cuba is ​next by the way. But pretend I didn't ‌say ⁠that. Pretend I didn't.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] at a speech in Miami; [https://www.reuters.com/world/americas/trump-says-cuba-is-next-speech-touting-us-military-successes-2026-03-27/ Trump says 'Cuba is next' in speech touting US military successes] ''Reuters'' (March 27, 2026)

*President Trump does not bluff. He is prepared to unleash hell.&lt;br&gt;There does not need to be anymore death and destruction. But if Iran fails to accept the reality of the current moment, if they fail to understand that they have been defeated militarily and will continue to be, President Trump will ensure they are hit harder than they have ever been hit before.&lt;br&gt;Iran should not miscalculate again. Their last miscalculation cost them their senior leadership, their navy, their air force and their air defence system.&lt;br&gt;Any violence beyond this point will be because the Iranian regime refused to understand they have already been defeated and refuse to come to a deal.
**Statement from the White House; [https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/2188080/trump-vows-hit-iran-harder Trump vows to hit Iran 'harder than ever before' and 'unleash hell' in horror WW3 warning] ''Express'' (March 29, 2026)

*The United States of America is in serious discussions with A NEW, AND MORE REASONABLE, REGIME to end our Military Operations in Iran. Great progress has been made but, if for any reason a deal is not shortly reached, which it probably will be, and if the [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|Hormuz Strait]] is not immediately “Open for Business,” we will conclude our lovely “stay” in Iran by blowing up and completely obliterating all of their Electric Generating Plants, Oil Wells and Kharg Island (and possibly all desalinization plants!), which we have purposefully not yet “touched.” This will be in retribution for our many soldiers, and others, that Iran has butchered and killed over the old Regime’s 47 year “Reign of Terror.” Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[[Donald Trump]]’s Truth Social post; [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15691265/Trump-threatens-strike-Irans-water-supply-Tehran-tears-NUKE-treaty.html Trump threatens Iran's water supply in 'war crime' ultimatum as defiant Tehran tears up nuclear treaty] ''Daily Mail'' (March 30, 2026)

* A lot of people will say it's a war crime because mostly these power plants are probably there for the civilian population. You cannot destroy civilian assets in an effort to put harm on the population.
**Retired US Army General [[Wesley Clark]] in a NewsNation interview, referring to [[Donald Trump]]'s threat to destroy Iranian infrastructure in [[w:2026 Iran war|the war with Iran]]; [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15691265/Trump-threatens-strike-Irans-water-supply-Tehran-tears-NUKE-treaty.html Trump threatens Iran's water supply in 'war crime' ultimatum as defiant Tehran tears up nuclear treaty] ''Daily Mail'' (March 30, 2026)

*All I have to do is leave Iran, and we'll be doing that very soon. And they'll become tumbling down.
**[[Donald Trump]] responding to a reporter's question about his plan to bring down gas prices that have soared amid [[w:2026 Iran war|the U.S.-Israeli war against the Islamic Republic]]; [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/trump-says-us-will-be-leaving-iran-very-soon/ar-AA1ZRvrp?gemSnapshotKey=GM4CC59522-snapshot-5&amp;uxmode=ruby Trump says US will be leaving Iran 'very soon'] ''Yonhap News'' (March 31, 2026)

==== April 2026 ====

* The second Trump administration presented near-constant challenges for the Supreme Court and its conservative majority. During the 2024 campaign, Trump told Fox News host Sean Hannity that he would be a dictator on &quot;day one.&quot; Like earlier, Trump promises to ban all Muslims or force Mexico to pay for a border wall, the assertion of dictatorial ambitions served Trump's purposes in two ways: voters who wanted a president to rule with a strong hand accepted the comment approvingly, while others waved it off as a show of bombast. Trump didn't talk like a politician, which was good, but it meant you couldn't take everything he said literally.
** Peter S. Canellos, ''Revenge for the Sixties: Samuel Alito and the Triumph of the Conservative Legal Movement'' (2026), New York: Simon &amp; Schuster first hardcover edition, p. 242

* The dictator comment, however, presaged a spate of unusually aggressive actions that threatened to upend the state of the law. The included the hundreds of billions of dollars in tariffs enacted and retracted at Trump's whims, an attempt to deport Venezuelans without a hearing, an executive order ending birthright citizenship, several commands to overrule state governors in deploying the National Guard in American cities, efforts to unilaterally fire board members of the Federal Reserve and other independent agencies, the dismantling of agencies fully funded by Congress, demands that the Justice Department investigate the president's critics, military attacks on boats suspected of carrying illegal drugs, and many more.&lt;br&gt;Tasked with determining the legality of these largely unprecedented moves, district court judges issued injunctions at a frenzied pace. Circuit courts rushed to review the district courts. And the Supreme Court often weighed in on an emergency basis. Such a situation presented a challenge to the justices' stamina but also their impartiality. Their decisions would set parameters for presidential power for generations. It would be just as dangerous for them to curtail an important presidential power over Trump's misuse of it as it would be to extend greater presidential discretion in sympathy for Trump's positions.
** Peter S. Canellos, ''Revenge for the Sixties'' (2026), New York: Simon &amp; Schuster first hardcover edition, p. 242-243

* Throughout the summer and fall, as the court considered emergency injunctions on numerous presidential orders, Alito was a consistent and often vociferous Trump supporter. While Trump's own appointees- Barrett, Gorsuch, and Kavenaugh- appeared willing at times to rein in the president, Alito and Thomas did not. When the court agreed to keep in place a lower court order blocking Trump from withholding the $2 billion in funds owed to USAID contractors whose work was already completed, Alito was outraged.&lt;br&gt;&quot;Today, the Court makes a most unfortunate misstep that rewards an act of judicial hubris and imposes a $2 billion penalty on American taxpayers,&quot; he wrote in dissent.
** Peter S. Canellos, ''Revenge for the Sixties: Samuel Alito and the Triumph of the Conservative Legal Movement'' (2026), New York: Simon &amp; Schuster first hardcover edition, p. 243

* By the time of the tarriffs case, the conservative legal movement had come into sharper focus: it was not an offshoot of MAGA, no matter how much Trump wanted it to be. It had a power over MAGA that liberalism- their common enemy- did not. It was, in fact, the only force strong enough to restore the legal norms violated by Trump, stopping MAGA in its tracks. But it was not clear if it would do so.&lt;br&gt;The tension was palpable in November 2025, when the Federalist Society gathered in Washington for its first National Lawyers Convention of the second Trump administration. The awkwardness was felt more in the audience than on stage. In its programming, the society avoided the big points of contention- tariffs, extra-legal killings, birthright citizenship, sharp deviations from Justice Department procedures allowing Trump to assume the role of prosecutor-in-chief. When such issues came up, it was mostly in controlled settings, and the responses were political, not legal.
** Peter S. Canellos, ''Revenge for the Sixties'' (2026), New York: Simon &amp; Schuster first hardcover edition, p. 243-244

* MAGA was heavily blue collar; FedSoc was strictly white collar. MAGA was strongest in the South, Midwest, and mountain states; FedSoc leaders were disproportionately from the Northeast or elite Northeastern institutions. MAGA drew its greatest support from people with the least education; FedSoc members were among the highest-educated Americans. And now, with the unifying priorities of abortion and affirmative action largely off the table, the Scotch tape that held the two groups together was starting to peel off.&lt;br&gt;Former Fourth Circuit Judge J. Michael Luttig, once the preferred choice among conservatives for the Supreme Court seat eventually occupied by Alito, was only the most outspoken of right-leaning professors and retired jurists to raise questions about Trump's upending of laws. &quot;The MAGA movement is a radical movement, and I would not even apply the label of conservative to it,&quot; Luttig said. &quot;It is anti-law of the United States and anti-rule of law in the United States.&quot;
** Peter S. Canellos, ''Revenge for the Sixties'' (2026), New York: Simon &amp; Schuster first hardcover edition, p. 245

*Iran has been essentially decimated - the hard part is done, so it should be easy, and in any event, when this conflict is over, [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|the strait]] will open up naturally; it will just open up naturally.&lt;br&gt;They're gonna want to be able to sell oil because that's all they have to try and rebuild. It will resume the flowing, and the gas prices will rapidly come back down. Stock prices will rapidly go back up.
**[[Donald Trump]] in speech to the nation regarding [[w:2026 Iran war|the Iran War]]; [https://www.tribuneindia.com/news/usa-news/when-this-conflict-is-over-strait-will-open-up-naturally-trump-strikes-optimistic-note-for-future-of-oil-as-prices-continue-to-rise/ &quot;When this conflict is over, strait will open up naturally&quot;: Trump strikes optimistic note for future of oil as prices continue to rise] ''The Tribune - India'' (April 2, 2026)

*Jesus taught so many lessons through his death, burial and resurrection. He showed us great leadership, great transformation requires great sacrifice.&lt;br&gt;And Mr President, no one has paid the price like you have paid the price. It almost cost you your life.&lt;br&gt;You were betrayed and arrested and falsely accused. It’s a familiar pattern that our lord and savior showed us.&lt;br&gt;But it didn’t end there for him, and it didn’t end there for you.&lt;br&gt;God always had a plan: On the third day, he rose, he defeated evil, he conquered death, hell and the grave. And because he rose, we all know that we can rise. And sir, because of his resurrection, you rose up.&lt;br&gt;Because he was victorious, you are victorious. And I believe that the Lord said to tell you this: because of his victory, you will be victorious in all you put your hands to.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]’s personal spiritual adviser, televangelist [[w:Paula White-Cain|Paula White-Cain]] during an Easter lunch event at the White House; [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/paula-white-cain-spiritual-advisor-trump-jesus-christ-b2950689.html Trump’s spiritual advisor sparks backlash for comparing president’s life to Jesus Christ] ''Independent'' (April 2, 2026)

* It’s not possible for us to take care of day care, Medicaid, Medicare, all these individual things. They can do it on a state basis. You can’t do it on a federal. We have to take care of one thing: military protection. We have to guard the country.
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-not-possible-us-pay-medicaid-medicare-daycare-re-fighting-w-rcna266381 &quot;Trump says it's 'not possible' for the U.S. to pay for Medicaid, Medicare and day care: 'We’re fighting wars'&quot;], ''NBC News'' (April 2, 2026)

*Remember when I gave Iran ten days to MAKE A DEAL or OPEN UP [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|THE HORMUZ STRAIT]]. Time is running out - 48 hours before all Hell will reign down on them. Glory be to GOD! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in a Truth Social post; [https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/breaking-trump-holy-war-iran-36969424 Donald Trump invokes holy war as he gives final Easter Monday ultimatum to Iran] ''Mirror'' (April 4, 2026)

*Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|Open the F**kin' Strait]], you crazy b*stards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in a Truth Social post; [https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/donald-trump-iran-power-plants-36971443 Donald Trump vows to bomb Iran's power plants in foul-mouthed rant – 'Open the Strait'] ''Mirror'' (April 5, 2026)

*Erratic. Can’t finish sentences. Often confused. Illogical train of thought. Word finding difficulties. Developing and worsening gradually over time. The President is exhibiting all the signs of dementia.
**[[w:Vin Gupta (pulmonologist)|Dr. Vin Gupta]]'s post on X following [[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]'s April 5th Truth Social post; [https://www.thedailybeast.com/top-doctor-sounds-alarm-on-trump-79-over-dementia-signs/ Top Doctor Sounds Alarm on Trump, 79, Over ‘Dementia Signs’] ''The Daily Beast'' (April 6, 2026)

*They would be willing to suffer that in order to have freedom. We’ve had numerous intercepts… 'Please keep bombing.'
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in response to a reporter's question, “You said Iranians would be mad if you stopped these attacks, but why would they want you to blow up their infrastructure to cut off their power? Wouldn't that be punishing Iranians for the actions of the regime?”; [https://people.com/donald-trump-claims-iranians-are-telling-us-to-bomb-near-homes-11943779 Donald Trump Claims Iranians Are Telling U.S. to 'Please Keep Bombing,' Even Near Their Homes] ''People'' (April 6, 2026)

*A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again. I don’t want that to happen, but it probably will.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in a Truth Social post regarding [[w:2026 Iran war|the US-Iran War]]; [https://metro.co.uk/2026/04/07/trump-warns-a-whole-civilisation-will-die-tonight-chilling-truth-social-post-27886067/ ‘A whole civilisation will die tonight’: Trump’s menacing Truth Social message in full] ''Metro'' (April 7, 2026)

*Genuinely one of the most proudly evil men of all time, Military needs to revolt. In a sane country he would be immediately removed. This is madness.
**Former Democratic congressional candidate [[w:Krystal Ball|Krystal Ball]]. One of numerous reactions to [[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]'s April 7th Truth Social post threatening the end of Iran as a civilization; [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-2676673885/# Trump's openly 'genocidal' threat ignites global panic: 'Military needs to revolt'] ''Raw Story'' (April 7, 2026)

*Based on conversations with Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif and Field Marshal Asim Munir, of Pakistan, and wherein they requested that I hold off the destructive force being sent tonight to Iran, and subject to the Islamic Republic of Iran agreeing to the COMPLETE, IMMEDIATE, and SAFE OPENING of [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|the Strait of Hormuz]], I agree to suspend the bombing and attack of Iran for a period of two weeks.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]'s post on Truth Social; [https://abcnews.com/Politics/trump-pakistani-pms-request-extend-iran-deadline-white/story?id=131815293 How the last-minute deal between Trump and Iran unfolded] ''ABC News'' (April 7, 2026)

*We're thinking of doing it as a joint venture. It's a way of securing it -- also securing it from lots of other people. It's a beautiful thing.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] when asked whether he would allow Tehran to charge tolls for shipping through the Strait of Hormuz; [https://abcnews.com/Politics/trump-pakistani-pms-request-extend-iran-deadline-white/story?id=131815293 How the last-minute deal between Trump and Iran unfolded] ''ABC News'' (April 7, 2026)

*The Fake News Media is CRAZY, or just plain CORRUPT! The United States has completely destroyed Iran’s Military, including their entire Navy and Air Force, and everything else. Their Leadership is DEAD! The Strait of Hormuz will soon be open, and the empty ships are rushing to the United States to “load up.” But, if you listen to the Fake News, we’re losing!
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in a post on Truth Social; [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/international/world-news/trump-says-strait-of-hormuz-will-be-open-soon-ships-rushing-to-us-as-iran-ceasefire-holds/articleshow/130194927.cms?from=mdr#google_vignette Trump says Strait of Hormuz 'will be open soon,' ships rushing to US as Iran ceasefire holds] ''The Economic Times'' (April 11, 2026)

* I'll pardon everyone who has come within 200 feet of the Oval [Office]
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/11/trump-mass-pardons-end-of-presidential-term &quot;Trump reportedly says he’ll issue mass pardons at end of his presidential term&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (April 11, 2026)

*To them we cry out: stop! It is time for peace! Sit at the table of dialogue and mediation – not at the table where rearmament is planned and deadly actions are decided.&lt;br&gt;Enough of the idolatry of self and money! Enough of the display of power! Enough of war! True strength is shown in serving life.
**[[w:Pope Leo XIV|Pope Leo XIV]], addressing world leaders who decide to go to war, his strongest condemnation yet of [[w:2026 Iran war|the US-Israeli war with Iran]]; [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/apr/11/pope-leo-us-israel-iran-war Pope says ‘enough of war’ and decries ‘delusion of omnipotence’ at peace vigil] ''The Guardian'' (April 11, 2026)

*Effective immediately, the United States Navy, the Finest in the World, will begin the process of BLOCKADING any and all Ships trying to enter, or leave, [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|the Strait of Hormuz]]. At some point, we will reach an “ALL BEING ALLOWED TO GO IN, ALL BEING ALLOWED TO GO OUT” basis, but Iran has not allowed that to happen by merely saying, “There may be a mine out there somewhere,” that nobody knows about but them. THIS IS WORLD EXTORTION, and Leaders of Countries, especially the United States of America, will never be extorted. I have also instructed our Navy to seek and interdict every vessel in International Waters that has paid a toll to Iran. No one who pays an illegal toll will have safe passage on the high seas. We will also begin destroying the mines the Iranians laid in the Straits. Any Iranian who fires at us, or at peaceful vessels, will be BLOWN TO HELL!
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in a post on Truth Social; [https://www.cnbc.com/2026/04/12/trump-iran-war-strait-of-hormuz.html Trump says U.S. will blockade Strait of Hormuz after Iran peace talks fail] ''CNBC'' (April 12, 2026)

*[[w:Pope Leo XIV|Pope Leo]] is WEAK on Crime, and terrible for Foreign Policy. He talks about “fear” of the Trump Administration, but doesn’t mention the FEAR that the Catholic Church, and all other Christian Organizations, had during COVID when they were arresting priests, ministers, and everybody else, for holding Church Services, even when going outside, and being ten and even twenty feet apart… I don’t want a Pope who thinks it’s terrible that America attacked Venezuela, a Country that was sending massive amounts of Drugs into the United States and, even worse, emptying their prisons, including murderers, drug dealers, and killers, into our Country. And I don’t want a Pope who criticizes the President of the United States because I’m doing exactly what I was elected, IN A LANDSLIDE, to do, setting Record Low Numbers in Crime, and creating the Greatest Stock Market in History. Leo should be thankful because, as everyone knows, he was a shocking surprise. He wasn’t on any list to be Pope, and was only put there by the Church because he was an American, and they thought that would be the best way to deal with President Donald J. Trump. If I wasn’t in the White House, Leo wouldn’t be in the Vatican. Unfortunately, Leo’s Weak on Crime, Weak on Nuclear Weapons, does not sit well with me, nor does the fact that he meets with Obama Sympathizers like David Axelrod, a LOSER from the Left, who is one of those who wanted churchgoers and clerics to be arrested. Leo should get his act together as Pope, use Common Sense, stop catering to the Radical Left, and focus on being a Great Pope, not a Politician. It’s hurting him very badly and, more importantly, it’s hurting the Catholic Church!
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]’s post on Truth Social; [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-calls-pope-leo-weak-on-crime-tells-him-to-get-his-act-together-11818413 Trump Calls Pope Leo ‘Weak on Crime,’ Tells Him to ‘Get His Act Together’] ''Newsweek'' (April 12, 2026)

*To put my message on the same plane as what [[w:Donald Trump|the president]] has attempted to do here, I think is not understanding what the message of the Gospel is. And I’m sorry to hear that but I will continue on what I believe is the mission of the church in the world today.&lt;br&gt;I will not enter into debate. The things that I say are certainly not meant as attacks on anyone. The message of the Gospel is very clear: ‘Blessed are the peacemakers.’&lt;br&gt;I will not shy away from announcing the message of the Gospel and inviting all people to look for ways of building bridges of peace and reconciliation, and looking for ways to avoid war any time that’s possible.&lt;br&gt;I’m not afraid of the Trump administration or of speaking out loudly about the message of the Gospel, which is what the Church works for.&lt;br&gt;We are not politicians. We do not look at foreign policy from the same perspective that he may have. I will continue to speak out strongly against war, seeking to promote peace, promoting dialogue and multilateralism among states to find solutions to problems.&lt;br&gt;Too many people are suffering today, too many innocent people have been killed, and I believe someone must stand up and say that there is a better way.
**[[w:Pope Leo XIV|Pope Leo XIV]] quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-pope-leo-xiv-02f6b4554ea4b83af02af15987ae1f2d Pope Leo says he does not fear Trump, citing Gospel as he pushes back in feud over Iran war] ''Mediaite'' (April 13, 2026)

*I don’t know if [[w:Donald Trump|the President]] thought he was being funny or if he is under the influence of some substance or what possible explanation he could have for this OUTRAGEOUS blasphemy. But he needs to take this down immediately and ask for forgiveness from the American people and then from God.
**[[w:Megan Basham|Megan Basham]], a conservative Protestant Christian writer and commentator, referring to a subsequently deleted Truth Social post by Donald Trump of [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/13/trump-ai-image-christ-like-figure-backlash an AI-generated image in the style of a painting], depicting him in a long white robe; in one hand holding an orb glowing with light; his other hand resting on the forehead of a man in what resembles a hospital bed — light beaming from the man’s head as Trump appears to pray for his healing; [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2026/04/13/trump-jesus-religious-conservatives/ Trump post appearing to depict himself as Jesus sparks backlash from religious right] ''The Washington Post'' (April 13, 2026)

*I did post (the cartoon image of himself), and I thought it was me as a doctor, and had to do with the Red Cross, as a Red Cross worker there, which we support.&lt;br&gt;Only the fake news could come up with that one. I just heard about it, and I said how did they come up with that? It’s supposed to be me as a doctor, making people better and I do make people better.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]'s response when asked by a reporter if he posted [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/13/trump-ai-image-christ-like-figure-backlash the picture of himself as Jesus Christ]; [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5829046-trump-doctor-red-cross/ Trump on AI Jesus image: ‘I thought it was me as a doctor’] ''The Hill'' (April 13, 2026)

*Now we can, of course, have disagreements about whether this or that conflict is just, but I think in the way that it’s important for the vice president of the United States to be careful when I talk about matters of public policy, I think it’s very, very important for [[w:Pope Leo XIV|the pope]] to be careful when he talks about matters of theology.&lt;br&gt;But I think one of the issues here is that if you’re going to opine on matters of theology, you’ve got to be careful. You’ve got to make sure it’s anchored in the truth, and that’s one of the things that I try to do, and it’s certainly something I would expect from the clergy, whether they’re Catholic or Protestant.
**[[w:JD Vance|Vice President JD Vance]] speaking at a Turning Point USA event in Athens, Georgia; [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/trump-administration/vance-warns-pope-careful-talking-theology-rcna331881 Vance warns the pope should 'be careful' when talking about theology] ''NBC News'' (April 15, 2026)

*&lt;i&gt;Reporter&lt;/i&gt;: Okay, and then on gas prices, how much longer will Americans continue to see these high gas prices?&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Donald Trump&lt;/i&gt;: Well, they’re not very high. If you look at what they were supposed to be in order to get rid of a nuclear weapon, with the danger that entails, so the gas prices have come down very much over the last three, four days...&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Reporter&lt;/i&gt;: $4 a gallon still.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Trump&lt;/i&gt;: I know, you know, that’s what ABC says, but the fact is that if you look, the stock market’s up, everything is doing really well. And the big thing we have to do is we have to make sure that Iran does not have a nuclear weapon, because if they do, you want to talk about problems, you’d have problems. So, very important is that Iran does not have a nuclear weapon, and they’ve agreed to that. Iran’s agreed to it, and they’ve agreed to do it very powerfully.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] during Q&amp;A with reporters; [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-says-gas-prices-are-not-very-high-when-asked-when-americans-can-expect-relief/ Trump Says Gas Prices Are ‘Not Very High’ When Asked When Americans Can Expect Relief] ''Mediate'' (April 16, 2026)

*You notice that we’re doing very well, and I will say the war in Iran is going along swimmingly. We can do whatever we want. And it should be ending pretty soon. It was perfect.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] speaking in Las Vegas, Nevada; [https://www.aa.com.tr/en/americas/trump-says-us-very-close-to-making-iran-deal-as-two-week-ceasefire-nears-end/3908502 Trump says US ‘very close’ to making Iran deal as two-week ceasefire nears end] ''Anadolu Ajansi'' (April 16, 2026)

*Millions of American small businesses, including corner stores... What is a 'corner store'? I've never heard that term. I know what a corner store is but I've never heard it described-- a corner store. Who the hell wrote that?
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] speaking at an event in Las Vegas on the economy [https://www.ms.now/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/trump-corner-store-las-vegas-ballroom Baffled by his own ‘corner store’ reference, Trump’s problems with groceries persist] ''MS NOW'' (April 17, 2026)

*Trump, by imposing a siege and violating the ceasefire, seeks to turn this negotiating table – in his own imagination – into a table of surrender or to justify renewed warmongering.&lt;br&gt;We do not accept negotiations under the shadow of threats.&lt;br&gt;In the past two weeks, we have prepared to reveal new cards on the battlefield.
**Mohammad-Bagher Ghalibaf, speaker of Islamic Republic of Iran’s Parliament, on the approaching end of the two-week ceasefire in [[w:2026 Iran war|the US-Iran War]]; [https://www.the-sun.com/news/16250661/iran-negotiator-ready-reveal-cards-war-ceasefire/ 'NEVER SURRENDER' Iran’s chief negotiator comes out swinging as he says regime is ready to reveal ‘new cards for the battlefield’] ''The Sun'' (April 20, 2026)

*We have control over [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|this Strait]]. If the United States continues on its current course, no vessels will pass through the Strait of Hormuz. We are not engaged in negotiations -- rather, we are making demands.
**Hamidreza Hajibabaei, the deputy speaker of Iran's parliament; [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/iran-says-1st-strait-of-hormuz-toll-revenues-banked/ar-AA21yg1U Iran says 1st Strait of Hormuz toll revenues banked] ''MSN'' (April 23, 2026)

*So, I've done that (taken out Iran's military) within the period of time that I mentioned, but I don't want to rush myself. You know because every story says, 'Oh, Trump is under time pressure.' I'm not, no no. You know who's under time pressure? They are. Because if they don't get their oil moving, their whole oil infrastructure's going to explode.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] speaking to reporters at a White House news conference; [https://thenationaldesk.com/news/politics/you-are-such-a-disgrace-trump-rips-reporter-says-hes-not-rushing-to-end-war-with-iran-conflict-gas-prices-gasoline-oil-strait-of-hormuz-nuclear-weapon-military-us-troops 'You are such a disgrace': Trump rips reporter, says he's not rushing to end war with Iran] ''The National News Desk'' (April 23, 2026)

*We were in Vietnam for 18 years. We were in Iraq for many, many years. I’ve been doing this for six weeks and their military is totally ­defeated. I don’t want to rush myself.&lt;br&gt;I don’t want to rush it because you guys are trying to make us look as bad as possible. I don’t want to rush it. I want to take my time, we have plenty of time and I want to get a great deal.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] responding to a reporter regarding when a peace deal will be made with Iran; [https://www.thetimes.com/us/news-today/article/trump-iran-war-vietnam-cnvgl9ndk Trump cites Vietnam vowing ‘no rush’ to make peace with Iran] ''The Times'' (April 23, 2026)

*Our first lady Melania is here. Look at her, so beautiful. Mrs Trump, you have a glow like an expectant widow.
**[[w:Jimmy Kimmel|Jimmy Kimmel]] joking on his show that [[w:Melania Trump|Melania Trump]] had 'the glow of an expectant widow'; [https://news.meaww.com/brian-kilmeade-questions-melanias-response-to-kimmel-i-dont-think-she-checked-with-president Brian Kilmeade questions Melania’s response to Kimmel: ‘I don’t think she checked with president’] ''MEAWW'' (April 27, 2026)

*Kimmel’s hateful and violent rhetoric is intended to divide our country. His monologue about my family isn’t comedy- his words are corrosive and deepens the political sickness within America.
**[[w:Melania Trump|Melania Trump]] responding to [[w:Jimmy Kimmel|Jimmy Kimmel's]] joke, that she had &quot;a glow like an expectant widow&quot; following the attempted shooting of President Trump at the White House Correspondence Dinner; [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/tv/articles/trump-accuses-jimmy-kimmel-call-213000925.html Trump Accuses Jimmy Kimmel Of ‘Call To Violence’] ''Yahoo! Entertainment'' (April 27, 2026)

*Wow, Jimmy Kimmel, who is in no way funny as attested to by his terrible Television Ratings, made a statement on his Show that is really shocking.... He stated, “Our First Lady, Melania, is here. Look at Melania, so beautiful. Mrs. Trump, you have a glow like an expectant widow.&quot;... I appreciate that so many people are incensed by Kimmel’s despicable call to violence, and normally would not be responsive to anything that he said but, this is something far beyond the pale. Jimmy Kimmel should be immediately fired by Disney and ABC.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] on ''Truth Social'' a day after shooting at the White House Correspondents Dinner; [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/tv/articles/trump-accuses-jimmy-kimmel-call-213000925.html Trump Accuses Jimmy Kimmel Of ‘Call To Violence’] ''Yahoo'' (April 27, 2026)

*The Iranians are obviously very skilled at negotiating, or rather, very skilful at not negotiating, letting the Americans travel to Islamabad and then leave again without any result.&lt;br&gt;An entire nation is being humiliated by the Iranian leadership, especially by these so-called Revolutionary Guards. And so I hope that this ends as quickly as possible.&lt;br&gt;If I had known that it would continue like this for five or six weeks and get progressively worse, I would have told [Donald Trump] even more emphatically [about Merz' skepticism of going to war with Iran].
**Germany’s Chancellor [[w:Friedrich Merz|Friedrich Merz]] speaking in North Rhine-Westphalia; [https://www.wionews.com/world/-an-entire-nation-is-humiliated-by-german-chancellor-questions-us-exit-strategy-in-iran-war-1777296898392/amp ‘An entire nation is humiliated by....’: German Chancellor questions US exit strategy in Iran war] ''WION'' (April 27, 2026)

*Iran has just informed us that they are in a 'State of Collapse.' ​They want us to 'Open [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|the Hormuz ​Strait]],' as soon as possible, as they try to ‌figure ⁠out their leadership situation (Which I believe they will be able to do!)
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] post on ''Truth Social''; [https://www.reuters.com/world/trump-says-iran-wants-us-open-hormuz-strait-soon-possible-2026-04-28/ Trump says Iran wants US to open Hormuz Strait as soon as possible] ''Reuters'' (April 28, 206)

*[My mother] came to America at 19, met my incredible father, we loved him so much, we all loved him, we loved her, we loved him: Fred. And, they were married for 63 years.&lt;br&gt;And, [turning to [[w:Melania Trump|Melania Trump]]] uh, excuse me, if you don’t mind, that’s a record we won’t be able to match, darling. I’m sorry, it’s just not going to work out that way. We’ll do well, but we’re not going to do that well.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] making a joke about his own mortality during a speech honoring King Charles' visit to the United States; [https://globemagazine.com/president-donald-trump-says-marriage-to-melania-wont-be-able-to-match-his-parents-love-story/ President Donald Trump Says Marriage to Melania ‘Won’t Be Able to Match’ His Parents’ Love Story] ''Globe'' (April 28, 2026)

* I think there is probably one country that has a special relationship with the [[United States]], and that is probably [[Israel]].
** Britain’s ambassador to Washington {{w|Christian Turner}} quoted in [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/america-only-special-relationship-probably-205610640.html &quot;America’s only special relationship is ‘probably Israel,’ says British ambassador to US in leaked comments&quot;] ''CNN'' (April 29, 2026)

*We’ve already won [the Iran War], but I want to win by a bigger margin. But we have. We have destroyed their navy, destroyed their air force, destroyed all of their — if you look at their anti-aircraft equipment, their radar equipment, their leadership, their leadership is destroyed. We’ve destroyed everything. If we leave right now, it would take them 20 years to rebuild if they ever could rebuild. But it’s actually not good enough. We have to have guarantee they will never have a nuclear weapon.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] when asked by [[w:Greta Van Susteren|Greta Van Susteren]] &quot;Haven't you already won?&quot; regarding the Iran War; [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump/trump-claims-weve-already-won-the-iran-war-but-i-want-to-win-by-a-bigger-margin/ Trump Claims ‘We’ve Already Won’ the Iran War But ‘I Want to Win By a Bigger Margin’] ''Mediaite'' (April 30, 2026)

==== May 2026 ====

*The hostilities that began on February 28, 2026, have terminated.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in a letter to ‌congressional leaders regarding [[w:2026 Iran war|the US War with Iran]]. Under [[w:War Powers Resolution|the 1973 War Powers Resolution]], a U.S. president can wage military action for 60 days before ending it, asking Congress for ​authorization or seeking a 30-day extension due to &quot;unavoidable military necessity regarding the safety of United States Armed Forces&quot; while withdrawing forces. May 1st, 2026 marked 60 days since the war began. [https://www.reuters.com/world/asia-pacific/white-house-says-iran-war-terminated-war-powers-deadline-arrives-2026-05-01/ Trump says Iran war 'terminated,' as war powers deadline arrives] ''Reuters'' (May 1, 2026)

*We’re in a real crisis here in the US. [The President has become a] dictator [who is] destroying our democracy.&lt;br&gt;…There’s nobody in the White House [who] is assisting the President with acting lawful or morally.&lt;br&gt;Trump created [a government made up of the least-qualified people] because of the controls he faced the first time around. Now you have grifters and sycophants and that is not a minor deviation from norms: it’s unprecedented in American history.&lt;br&gt;It’s made us vulnerable domestically and internationally and it’s fueled the divide in the country.&lt;br&gt;The narcissism has always been an issue for him but in an absence of the impulse control the frontal lobe provides it has unleashed furiously, which is why we see revenge, corruption, delusions of grandeur and [alleged] abuses of power.&lt;br&gt;There has never been a President before who announced war crimes he would commit at 4am or danced on the grave of decorated public servants like [[w:Robert Mueller|Robert Mueller]].&lt;br&gt;This is a man who has demonstrated he’s way beyond any ability to lawfully carry out the duties of the office and has no business in the position.&lt;br&gt;[It increasingly feels as though] we’re governed by a madman at this stage, there’s no other way to put it.&lt;br&gt;Biden at the end of his presidency was not qualified to be president either and his deterioration was palpable.&lt;br&gt;But that’s the difference for the ageing process for a normal person and a malignant narcissist. &lt;br&gt;When Biden’s controls faded he became a doddering old grandfather. [Trump is] not Jesus as he thinks he is.
**[[w:Ty Cobb (attorney)|Ty Cobb]], former lawyer and White House special counsel to [[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]; [https://inews.co.uk/news/world/donald-trumps-lawyer-mental-state-unfit-serve-4378218?srsltid=AfmBOor1-2nCO1Y1WLLr5OhW21f5cSfBj-LeTJN-jfqXLyV42YNHP3RZ I was Donald Trump’s lawyer – his mental state makes him unfit to serve] ''The iPaper'' (May 3, 2026)

*Now, I don’t happen to be a senior. I’m much younger than you. I'm a much younger man than you. Look at you, old guys, wouldn’t you like to be my age? I’m young, vital, vibrant. No, I'm much, much younger than the people in this room, but I feel I can relate to you anyway. See, now the fake news will go tonight, and they’ll say, ‘he’s claiming to be younger than the people...’
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] addressing a retirement community in Florida; [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/donald-trump-jokes-not-senior-151810063.html Donald Trump Jokes He’s Not a Senior Citizen] ''Yahoo News'' (May 4, 2026)

* President Donald Trump’s political brand is based on convincing unexceptional people that they are better than they actually are, but one critic says he's doing so at the expense of exceptional people who happen to belong to marginalized communities. “Donald Trump is literally hypnotizing mediocre people into thinking that they are meritocratic geniuses, while telling highly accomplished Black, Brown, and Asian people that they are nothing — that everything they have was given to them by those same mediocre people,” liberal commentator Joy-Ann Reid said on Tuesday in an episode of “The Left Hook with Wajahat Ali and Joy-Ann Reid.” The pundit elaborated that Trump and his administration promote the idea that white men do not need to prove their merit because, by virtue of being white men, they are already exceptional.&lt;br&gt;“They're literally seeing a deficit of white men even trying to go to college now, because they're being told: you don't have to do anything, you just have to be,” Reid said. “You just have to exist as a white man and you're qualified to do anything. You can be a neurosurgeon — just walk in there, use your brilliant European brain, and start operating on people. You're fine. You don't need to know anything. But Black people, according to the late Charlie Kirk, can't even be a pilot — even after going to school to become one. If they're sitting behind the wheel of a Cessna, the claim is they don't know how to do it, that they were just pulled off the street and thrown into the chair.”
** Matthew Rozsa, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/maga-hypnotizing-mediocre-idiots-to-think-they-re-geniuses-opinion/ar-AA22tpbk?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69fb5e39039f460a97bc140e0e5ef752&amp;ei=13/&quot;MAGA 'hypnotizing' mediocre 'idiots' to think they’re geniuses: opinion&quot;], ''Alternet'', 5 May 2026

* Not only do these arguments hurt ordinary people by encouraging discrimination, Reid argued; they also hurt the American economy and do damage to the government when second-rate leaders inevitably stumble at their jobs. “So they're telling women and people of color: you're not qualified to do anything. But white men are being told: you're qualified to do everything,&quot; Reid said. &quot;So you're having people walk into positions they're not ready for. This is Donald Trump doing exactly what they claimed affirmative action did to Black students — setting them up to fail by placing unqualified people in positions beyond their preparation. That was their theory. And that's literally what's happening to these mediocre white guys now.”&lt;br&gt;Reid offered up the Trump administration as the clearest example. “RFK Jr. cannot help but fail because he's not qualified for the job,” Reid said. “Pete Hegseth cannot do anything but look like an idiot because he's not qualified for the job. When you're not seeking the most qualified people, you're setting all of these men up to fail — including the President of the United States.”
** Matthew Rozsa, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/maga-hypnotizing-mediocre-idiots-to-think-they-re-geniuses-opinion/ar-AA22tpbk?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=69fb5e39039f460a97bc140e0e5ef752&amp;ei=13/&quot;MAGA 'hypnotizing' mediocre 'idiots' to think they’re geniuses: opinion&quot;], ''Alternet'', 5 May 2026

*I think it's got a very good chance of ending, and if it doesn't end, we have to go back to bombing the hell out of them. Very simple.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in an interview with PBS regarding [[2026 Iran war|the US War with Iran]]; [https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/trump-tells-pbs-news-that-iran-war-has-a-very-good-chance-of-ending Trump tells PBS News that Iran war has 'a very good chance of ending'] ''PBS'' (May 6, 2026)

*We believe that a comprehensive ceasefire is urgently needed, that a resumption of hostilities is not acceptable, and that it is particularly important to remain committed to dialogue and negotiations.
**China’s Foreign Minister Wang Yi after meeting with Iranian leaders regarding [[2026 Iran war|the Iran War]]; [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/trumps-abrupt-u-turn-plan-re-open-strait-hormuz-came-backlash-allies-rcna343845 Trump’s abrupt U-turn on a plan to reopen the Strait of Hormuz came after backlash from allies] ''NBC News'' (May 6, 2026)

*'''I don't think about American financial situation — I don't think about anybody.''' I think about one thing: We cannot let Iran have a nuclear weapon.&lt;br&gt;Anybody that wants them to have a nuclear weapon is a stupid person. So we said we're going to take the greatest stock market in history and we're going to go down a little bit. And actually that turned out to be incorrect, because our stock market is now at the highest point in history, which frankly, surprised a lot of people.&lt;br&gt;We're going to do whatever is necessary. And as soon as this war is over, which will not be long, you're going to see oil prices drop, and you're going to see a stock market, which is already at the highest point in history, go through the roof. You’re going to see the golden age of America, frankly, and you're seeing it now….&lt;br&gt;If Iran has a nuclear weapon, the whole world would be in trouble because they happen to be crazy,” he said. “Now, if the stock market goes up or down a little bit, the American people understand.
**[[Donald Trump]] when asked by reporters about the continuing pocketbook pressures faced by everyday consumers as a result of [[w:2026 Iran war|the war]] he started more than two months ago [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-war-cost-economy-nuclear-weapons-b2975285.html Trump brushes off Iran war’s cost at home: ‘I don’t think about American financial situation’] ''The Independent'' (May 12, 2026)

*When President Xi very elegantly referred to the United States as perhaps being a declining nation, he was referring to the tremendous damage we suffered during the four years of Sleepy Joe Biden and the Biden Administration, and on that score, he was 100% correct
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] referring to [[w:Xi Jinping|Chinese President Xi Jinping's]] comment invoking the so-called [[w:Thucydides Trap|&quot;Thucydides Trap&quot;]] during Xi's opening remarks in the opening ceremony commemorating President Trump's visit to China; [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-says-xi-agreed-us-became-declining-nation-during-biden-years Trump says Xi agreed US became a ‘declining nation’ during Biden years] ''Fox News'' (May 14, 2026)

*President Xi was not referring to the incredible rise that the United States has displayed to the world during the 16 spectacular months of the Trump Administration, which includes all-time high stock markets and 401K’s, military victory and thriving relationship in Venezuela, the military decimation of Iran (to be continued!)
**[[Donald Trump]] in a Truth Social post referring to [[Xi Jinping|Chinese President Xi Jinping's]] comment about the United States being a declining nation (invoking the so-called [[w:Thucydides Trap|&quot;Thucydides Trap&quot;]]) during opening Xi's remarks in the opening ceremony commemorating President Trump's visit to China; [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-says-xi-agreed-us-became-declining-nation-during-biden-years Trump says Xi agreed US became a ‘declining nation’ during Biden years] ''Fox News'' (May 14, 2026)

* Praising &quot;the people&quot; is patriotic propaganda with a long history in America that feels good, but it's wrong, even dangerous. Joe Biden hoped the 2024 election would be a trial of sorts of a treasonous former president. He hoped that his administration would not have to take the risk of criminally prosecuting him. Look where that got us. The lesson should be to never ask &quot;the people&quot; to make sound moral judgments. They won't do it. Instead, they will give a traitor a second chance, then complain about the ruinous consequences of giving it to him.
** John Stoer, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-doesn-t-have-to-care-about-your-pain-anymore-thanks-to-john-roberts-opinion/ar-AA23wq1Q?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6a0c63c50bb04d39a79239930f8f8c63&amp;ei=13/&quot;Trump doesn't have to care about your pain anymore — thanks to John Roberts&quot;], ''Alternet'', 18 May 2026

* Donald Trump, the Republicans and their rightwing allies in the courts have rigged the system, through white-power gerrymandering, so that being a monumentally unpopular party might no longer be an impediment to rule. (Ordinary people could face food shortages, for God's sake, while Trump shrugs.) The Democrats cannot hope that &quot;the people&quot; can overcome a rigged system, because &quot;the people&quot; cannot overcome one. Indeed, they have proven capable of making things worse. Democrats like Virginia's Scott Surovell fear being too extreme. My hope is in Democrats who realize they haven't been extreme enough.
** John Stoer, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-doesn-t-have-to-care-about-your-pain-anymore-thanks-to-john-roberts-opinion/ar-AA23wq1Q?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6a0c63c50bb04d39a79239930f8f8c63&amp;ei=13/&quot;Trump doesn't have to care about your pain anymore — thanks to John Roberts&quot;], ''Alternet'', 18 May 2026

* Having a failed state &amp;#91;[[Cuba]]&amp;#93; 90 miles from our shores run by friends of our adversaries poses a threat to the national security of the United States.
** [[Marco Rubio]] quoted on Cuban threat in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/ckgpzwkn5jko &quot;Rubio says Cuba is threat to US as Havana accuses him of 'lies'&quot;], ''BBC News'' (May 21, 2026)

* President Trump has been remarkably consistent about one issue: He detests non-white immigrants.&lt;br&gt;“They’re poisoning the blood of our country,” he declared in December 2023. ”Not just in South America,” but “from Africa, from Asia, all over the world.”  He also falsely implied that most immigrants are violent criminals and murderers, calling them “not human” and “animals.”&lt;br&gt;And throughout his 2024 presidential campaign, Trump promised “the largest domestic deportation operation in American history.”&lt;br&gt;The administration has aggressively pursued that agenda. At the beginning of the year, the Department of Homeland Security celebrated 2025 as a year in which the southern border was closed, 675,000 “illegal aliens” were deported, 2.2 million more “self-deported” and travel bans, suspension of refugee programs and restrictions on green cards, work permits, family-based immigration and visas kept countless others from entering the country. Although its numbers were grossly inflated, the department promised that 2026 would be “another historic record-breaking year.”
** David Wippmann &amp; Glenn C. Altschuler, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/opinion-as-trump-ramps-up-deportations-remember-we-all-benefit-from-immigration/ar-AA24tHrt?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6a1ce12c0d1d4f83bf3d891960a6a27c&amp;ei=19/&quot;Opinion: As Trump ramps up deportations, remember we all benefit from immigration&quot;], ''The Hill'', 31 May 2026

* '''On May 22, the Trump administration required immigrants seeking green cards to apply from their home countries. The new rule affects hundreds of thousands of individuals who have already been vetted and are living in the U.S. on temporary visas. This anti-immigrant crusade is based on stereotypes, fearmongering and lies.'''&lt;br&gt;The reality is that immigrants care for children and the elderly, build homes, start companies, and help drive scientific innovation. Immigrants commit violent crimes at far lower rates than native-born Americans. And non-citizen immigrants consume less than half the means-tested welfare and entitlement benefits taken by native-born recipients. As the libertarian Cato Institute notes, “the typical lifetime abuser of welfare was born in this country.”&lt;br&gt;In 2022, immigrants paid $59.4 billion in federal taxes, $13.6 billion in state and local taxes, and contributed billions more to Social Security, Medicare and unemployment insurance — programs from which they are largely excluded.&lt;br&gt;Most importantly, immigrants are indispensable to the U.S. economy. Roughly 30 million foreign-born workers, documented and undocumented, provide almost 20 percent of the labor force in the U.S. Last year saw the first instance of negative net migration in at least 50 years. The decline will exacerbate labor shortages in important industries and slow economic growth. 
** David Wippmann &amp; Glenn C. Altschuler, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/opinion-as-trump-ramps-up-deportations-remember-we-all-benefit-from-immigration/ar-AA24tHrt?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6a1ce12c0d1d4f83bf3d891960a6a27c&amp;ei=19/&quot;Opinion: As Trump ramps up deportations, remember we all benefit from immigration&quot;], ''The Hill'', 31 May 2026

* Immigrants make up more than one-third of the hospitality workforce. Concerned about current and future labor shortages for housekeepers, line cooks, dishwashers and janitors, the American Hotel and Lodging Association is lobbying the Trump administration to lift the cap on H-2B visas, which permit employers to hire foreigners when qualified workers are not available. And immigrants comprise 26 percent of construction workers. In some trades, from roofing to painting and flooring, they account for more than half the workforce. Cutting immigration will drive construction costs higher and put homeownership further out of reach for many families.&lt;br&gt;None of this means the U.S. should abandon border enforcement, stop deporting “the worst of the worst” or ignore the strains that migration places on schools, housing and local services. But mass deportation and sweeping restrictions on legal immigration are not just cruel — they are economically self-destructive and at odds with the country America has long aspired to be.
** David Wippmann &amp; Glenn C. Altschuler, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/opinion-as-trump-ramps-up-deportations-remember-we-all-benefit-from-immigration/ar-AA24tHrt?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6a1ce12c0d1d4f83bf3d891960a6a27c&amp;ei=19/&quot;Opinion: As Trump ramps up deportations, remember we all benefit from immigration&quot;], ''The Hill'', 31 May 2026

* Support for the administration’s immigration policies has fallen sharply in recent months, as voters react to controversial raids, aggressive enforcement tactics, reports of mistreatment in detention facilities, the killings of Renee Good and Alex Pretti, and the deportation of undocumented immigrants to countries they never set foot in. But many voters may not realize that the administration’s unpopular deportation campaign is costing taxpayers hundreds of billions of dollars, or that 48 people have died in ICE detention since Trump returned to the White House. If more of our fellow citizens understood the contributions immigrants make, we might once again proudly recite the words emblazoned on the Statute of Liberty: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”
** David Wippmann &amp; Glenn C. Altschuler, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/opinion-as-trump-ramps-up-deportations-remember-we-all-benefit-from-immigration/ar-AA24tHrt?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6a1ce12c0d1d4f83bf3d891960a6a27c&amp;ei=19/&quot;Opinion: As Trump ramps up deportations, remember we all benefit from immigration&quot;], ''The Hill'', 31 May 2026

==== June 2026 ====

* The Trump administration as a whole has foregone the LGBTQ+ propaganda of “Pride Month” that the Biden administration so vociferously engaged in, delighting millions of voters who had grown to dread the summer month’s perverse zealotry.
** Katherine Hamilton, [https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2026/06/02/trumps-department-of-education-replaces-pride-month-with-title-ix-month/&quot;Trump’s Department of Education Replaces ‘Pride Month’ with ‘Title IX Month’&quot;], Breitbart News, 2 June 2026

* I love it. The numbers were great. You know what I really love? I love the inflation.{{br}} I love the inflation numbers because of what I'm talking about. The numbers are going to be phenomenal because what's showing is that despite the fact that we're in a war, the numbers are much lower than anticipated, and when we're out of that war, the numbers will be at lower numbers than they were even before it started.
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c0myzxjkw99o &quot;Trump says he 'loves the inflation' as US prices rise at fastest rate in three years&quot;] ''BBC News'' (June 11, 2026)

* The Trump administration is planning on withholding tens of millions of dollars in federal homeland security funds from states that do not comply with its preferred election changes, CNN reported, citing internal documents obtained by the outlet. If states want to receive critical funds for counterterrorism and disaster mitigation, among other items, they will soon have to phase out certain electronic voting systems, including those that use bar codes, and instead move to hand-marked paper ballots.&lt;br&gt;The federal government will also require states to conduct manual election audits, using methods established by the Trump administration. States will also have to run their voter rolls through a Trump-approved citizenship verification database, also referred to as a national citizen database. The verification process, also known as the SAVE system (Systematic Alien Verification for Entitlements, has grown controversial as it has produced several false positives, including flagging eligible voters who have then in turn been pulled from the voter rolls.&lt;br&gt;They will also have to use a Trump-approved system to verify the citizenship of anyone working at a polling location. If they do not comply, states will lose out on millions in funding, including federal dollars used to prevent terrorism, counter cyber attacks, protect infrastructure, and prepare for natural disasters. These grants are expected to total more than $1 billion in the current fiscal year, CNN reported. DHS grants have for years required that 3 percent of the funds be used for election security, but the new guidelines are expected to include mandatory reforms and penalties for noncompliance. States that refuse to comply could lose 20 percent of their grant money. The new guidelines are expected to be rolled out next week.
**  Annabella Rosciglione, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/dhs-to-withhold-federal-money-from-states-not-compliant-in-new-election-rules/ar-AA26hHPg?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6a39ad3e2acc477dba69f8b477f8756c&amp;ei=16/&quot;DHS to withhold federal money from states not compliant in new election rules&quot;], ''Daily Beast'', 22 June 2026

* The move reflects President Donald Trump’s obsession with rooting out nonexistent voter fraud, which MAGA claims is happening frequently, but in reality is extremely rare. The move by DHS is also being viewed as a way for the administration to skirt around MAGA’s doomed voter legislation, the SAVE Act. The bill does not have the required votes in the Senate for its passage, despite Trump furiously pressuring Senate Majority Leader John Thune to just blow up the filibuster to get it passed. Still, legal analysts told CNN that the punitive move would likely be shot down in court. “I expect (the new requirements) will be blocked in the courts,” said David Becker, a former Justice Department lawyer who now advises election officials.&lt;br&gt;The administration has tried and failed to implement similar tactics. Last year, Trump officials attempted to withhold federal dollars unless states submitted population totals in compliance with their hardline immigration policy. Several states sued, and a federal court blocked the policy.
**  Annabella Rosciglione, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/dhs-to-withhold-federal-money-from-states-not-compliant-in-new-election-rules/ar-AA26hHPg?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6a39ad3e2acc477dba69f8b477f8756c&amp;ei=16/&quot;DHS to withhold federal money from states not compliant in new election rules&quot;], ''Daily Beast'', 22 June 2026

* The Supreme Court on June 29 said Mississippi can count late-arriving mail-in ballots, handing a defeat to President Donald Trump, who is trying to curtail voting by mail. The court upheld a state law allowing ballots cast by Election Day to be counted if they’re received within five days. Justice Amy Coney Barrett and Chief Justice John Roberts joined the court's three liberal justices in backing the law. &quot;The question today is not whether requiring ballots to be received by election day is a good or bad idea; the question is whether the idea has made its way into the United States Code,&quot; Barrett wrote for the 5-4 majority. And federal law, she concluded, dictates only that voters make a choice by a specific day, not that their ballots must be received on that day.&lt;br&gt;In dissent, Justice Samuel Alito said accepting late-arriving ballots &quot;effectively postpones the date on which the electorate's choice is made, and federal law precludes that postponement.&quot; &quot;Allowing absentee ballots to pour in over the days and weeks after election day, by which point preliminary elections returns are being publicly reported, creates greater opportunity for fraud and risks further undermining the public's confidence in election integrity,&quot; he wrote.&lt;br&gt;More than a dozen states have laws similar to Mississippi. Additional states allow late-arriving ballots from military and overseas voters. Voting by mail has decreased since its peak during the COVID-19 pandemic. But nearly 30% of voters still cast a ballot that way in the 2024 elections.
** Maureen Groppe &amp; Bart Jansen, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/supreme-court-oks-late-arriving-mailed-ballots-in-loss-for-trump/ar-AA26Ovu2?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6a42a2cb3bf14c328341cd4c79ad2743&amp;ei=15/&quot;Supreme Court OKs late-arriving mailed ballots in loss for Trump&quot;], USA Today, 29 June 2026

* Supporters of mail-in voting say it makes it easier for people – including retirees, service members and rural residents – to cast a ballot. And grace periods prevent people from losing their vote over postal service delays. But Trump has long railed against mail-in voting as vulnerable to fraud, despite casting a ballot by mail himself in March. He has claimed without evidence that mail-in voting cost him the 2020 election. Trump has separately tried to end both grace periods and mail-in voting altogether through both an executive order and by pressuring Congress to pass legislation. He called Monday's decision a “tremendous loss,&quot; and urged Congress to act. “There can be no more excuses!” Trump wrote on social media.&lt;br&gt;The Justice Department backed challenges brought by both the Republican Party and the Libertarian Party to Mississippi’s law. “Republicans are not going to be deterred by this decision, and the (Republican National Committee) will keep fighting to have elections end on Election Day as Americans want,” RNC Chairman Joe Gruters said in a statement.
** Maureen Groppe &amp; Bart Jansen, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/supreme-court-oks-late-arriving-mailed-ballots-in-loss-for-trump/ar-AA26Ovu2?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6a42a2cb3bf14c328341cd4c79ad2743&amp;ei=15/&quot;Supreme Court OKs late-arriving mailed ballots in loss for Trump&quot;], USA Today, 29 June 2026

==== July 2026 ====

* German Defense Minister Boris Pistorius pushed back against calls by US President Donald Trump that European allies within NATO should be unconditionally loyal to Washington. “NATO is not about blind obedience,” Pistorius told ''Der Spiegel'' magazine in an interview published on Thursday. “Decisions within NATO are taken by free consensus of all member states, and without being dictated by individual member states.” Pistorius said he did not expect any further criticism from the US directed at Germany during the NATO summit in Turkey next week, after a spat between German Chancellor Friedrich Merz and Trump over the US strategy in the Iran war.&lt;br&gt;The US has floated the idea of granting political and economic benefits to NATO allies that spend more on defense, raising the prospect of a two-tier alliance. The idea speaks to ongoing tensions within the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, as Trump pressures European allies to assume more of the military alliance’s funding burden. European leaders have been broadly receptive, but are anxious about Trump ending US security commitments to the continent. Washington has rattled allies in recent months with shifting announcements about pulling troops and resources from Europe. Already, the US has said it will withdraw 5,000 troops from Europe and slash the military assets Washington would provide in a crisis.
** Michael Nienaber, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/germany-rejects-trump-s-demands-for-nato-loyalty-to-washington/ar-AA2734ox?ocid=msedgntp&amp;pc=NMTS&amp;cvid=6a46b651d5564c4c8d4b3f4af26b275f&amp;ei=17/&quot;Germany rejects Trump’s demands for NATO loyalty to Washington&quot;], ''Bloomberg'', 2 July 2026

==See also==
* [[First presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[President of the United States]]
* [[J.D. Vance]]
* [[Immigration to the United States]]

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons category}}
[[Category:Donald Trump]]
[[Category:Politics of the United States]]
[[Category:Presidency of Donald Trump]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>J-Ax</title>
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      <text bytes="10340" sha1="rdfo2zb48izvqhunhuqf8xe74wwmajt" xml:space="preserve">[[File:J Ax 4.jpg|thumb|J-Ax]]

'''[[w:J-Ax|Alessandro Aleotti]]''' (born 5 1972), known professionally as '''J-Ax''', is an Italian rapper and singer-songwriter, part of the rap group [[w:Articolo 31|Articolo 31]] with his DJ Vito Luca Perrini (DJ Jad). He is the brother of [[w:Grido (rapper)|Grido]] (formerly part of [[w:Gemelli Diversi|Gemelli DiVersi]]). During 2010, he authored one album with [[w:Neffa|Neffa]] forming a temporary band called Due di Picche ('Two of Spades').

==Quotes==
*''C'è un proverbio che ho sentito a ''The Voice'': | «Tira più un [[Piero Pelù|Pelù]] di Litfiba | che un carro di buoi»''.
:*There is a [[proverb]] that I heard on “'The Voice”': | ‘A Pelù from Litfiba pulls more than a cart of oxen.’ 
:**Duetting “'Spirito”' with Piero Pelù, from the television programme “'The Voice”', Rai 2, 5 June 2014.

*(About [[w:Matteo Salvini|Matteo Salvini]]) He always makes people laugh, like a fart. I imagine Salvini in government in six years' time: he will have reintroduced the [[w:Italian racial laws|racial laws]] of [[Fascism]]. [About the failure to grant a visa for Nigeria] He's lucky, if someone translates what he says to the Nigerians, I don't know if he'll get back from Nigeria. 
:*Quoted in Francesco Gilioli and Antonio Nasso; “”[http://video.repubblica.it/spettacoli-e-cultura/j-ax-contro-salvini-fa-sempre-ridere-come-una-scoreggia/213258/212433 J-Ax contro Salvini: &quot;Fa sempre ridere, come una scoreggia&quot;] (J-Ax against Salvini: “He always makes people laugh, like a fart”), “Repubblica.it”, 29 September 2015. 

*[[w:Giorgio Gaber|Gaber]] didn't say “I'm a singer-songwriter”, he didn't take sides. He took what he heard on the street and gave it back to the people honestly, with his own personal touch. Which was a cool touch, from someone who knew how to tell the truth to those in power.
:*Quoted in Pedrinelli, p. 32.

*I have always respected [[w:Mango (singer)|Mango]], a virtuoso and respectable singer, always on stage performing his art, right up to the end.
:*Quoted in ''[https://www.lanostratv.it/ 2014/12/mango-biografia-e-carriera-i-messaggi-di-cordoglio-dei-colleghi-spopolano-sul-web/amp/ Mango, biografia e carriera: i messaggi di cordoglio dei colleghi spopolano sul web]'', “'Lanostratv.it”', 8 December 2014.

*''Il tempo è giustiziere [[Rino Gaetano|Rino]] | ora i tuoi dischi suonano come se fossero appena usciti. | Rino, hai vinto tu.''
*“'Time is the avenger [[Rino Gaetano|Rino]] | now your records sound as if they had just been released. | Rino, you won.”'
:**From [https://skydrive.live.com/? cid=8304688d9d5ba48c&amp;id=8304688D9D5BA48C!2409#cid=8304688D9D5BA48C&amp;id=8304688D9D5BA48C!2420 booklet] of the collection “'E cantavo le canzoni”', RCA Italiana, 27 July 2010.

*In [[w:Italy|Italy]], it seems that the [[Rome]] are always to blame for everything. And the most unforgivable thing is the rise of Matteo Salvini. Explain to me why if an Italian goes abroad, it's a brain drain, but if a young person comes to us, they're a black person stealing our jobs, even if they have two degrees.
:*Quoted in “”[http://www.ansa.it/sito/notizie/cultura/musica/ 2015/05/01/j-ax-imperdonabile-ascesa-di-salvini_852f891e-dc9c-4799-9932-064f2b45e940.html J-Ax, Salvini's unforgivable rise]“”, “'Ansa.it”', 1 May 2015. 

*(Talking to [[w:Red Ronnie|Red Ronnie]] about choosing [[vegetarianism]]) At first, as I told you, I tried it out of curiosity, to see if what you had been telling me so emphatically for a month was true. I tried it and saw that it was true. Continuing with this choice is a personal matter, but in my opinion, you have to see things for yourself before you can choose, right? We are not given the opportunity to choose; we are brought up to eat meat, so I advise everyone to try it and then choose, because in reality you feel – I don't want to say better or worse – but different.
:*From Red Ronnie's interview on the programme “Roxy Bar” on 31 March 1997; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eenWd2rAE4 available on YouTube].

*(In memory of his [[cat]]) […] you saved my life. Perhaps it may seem strange to some to talk about a cat in this way […]. But then again, you always understood me. Perhaps not my words, but my soul — yes, that always. […] No matter what happened to me during the day, whether I came home a winner or a loser — you were there. You were always there. […] You were there even when I thought that the only way to forget, to numb the pain, was alcohol. You helped me quit. Without you, I wouldn't be here today. That's why, the day I found out you were ill, I was so scared. […] Almost everyone told me you wouldn't make it. But I knew you wouldn't give up. All it took was giving you back 1/10 of what you gave me over the years to see you come back to life. Some people told me that the treatment was “exaggerated”. That you're not a person, but “just a cat”. They're right, you're just a cat. In fact, no person has ever given me what I got from you. Because that's how cats are. And I know you would have taken care of me as I did with you. I know, because you already did. And now that you've lost the battle, I miss you every day.
:*From a Facebook post; quoted in “”[https://www.corriere.it/ video-articoli/2017/11/10/j-ax-suo-gatto-little-suo-ultimo-saluto-commovente/50325efe-c639-11e7-831f-15bae6a1a312.shtml J-Ax and his final farewell to his cat Little: ‘You saved my life’], Corriere.it, 10 November 2017.

*''Mi serve sentirti Rino | presto al mattino | per non sentirmi solo e per sentire un po' di orgoglio per il posto dove sono nato, vivo e scrivo.'
:*I need to hear you [[Rino Gaetano|Rino]] | early in the morning | so I don't feel alone and so I can feel a little pride in the place where I was born, live and write.’
:**From [https://skydrive.live.com/? cid=8304688d9d5ba48c&amp;id=8304688D9D5BA48C!2409#cid=8304688D9D5BA48C&amp;id=8304688D9D5BA48C!2420 booklet] of the collection “'E cantavo le canzoni”', RCA Italiana, 27 July 2010.

*For years, [[bullying|bullies]] made me believe that I was worthless and that my [[soul]] was insignificant until I defeated them with music. I want to convey this message to young people who are bullied because they are [[gay]] or for other reasons: persevere and you too will defeat them. And to the friends of those who are bullied: be good allies and help your friends. Your soul is at stake. 
:*From [https://www.facebook.com/jaxofficial/photos/a.10150327850847968.347981.38346117967/10154871885862968/ a post] on Facebook, 30 May 2017; quoted in “”[https://www.gayburg.com/2017/05/j-ax-invita-i-ragazzi-bullizzati.html J-Ax invites bullied kids to defeat those who hate them]“”, “'gayburg.com”', 30 May 2017.

*When we first heard Giorgio Gaber's songs, it was electrifying. What we are trying to do in our career, he was already doing perfectly in the early 1970s. Playing rock, we could say. Not rock misunderstood as self-destruction, but rock as a language. A language that allows you to respond deeply to anyone who prevents the individual from being free: practically, culturally, intellectually. 
:*Quoted in Pedrinelli, p. 31.

*Rino still gives me energy and anger. He had a rock attitude and a hoarse voice, he was an outsider even in terms of composition. :*Quoted in Luigi Bolognini, “”[http://ricerca.repubblica.it/repubblica/archivio/repubblica/2012/06/12/rap-roll-ax-ora-voglio-capire.html Rap' n' roll J-Ax: Now I want to understand if I'm really a rebel]“”, “'la Repubblica”', 12 June 2012. 

*''Rino mi piaci un casino | tanto quanto mi piacevi da bambino, | mamma dice che eri quello che preferivo | perché eri il solo colorato in un cantautorato grigio.''
:*'Rino, I like you a lot | as much as I liked you when I was a child, | Mum says you were my favourite | because you were the only colourful one in a grey songwriting scene.”'
:**From [https://skydrive.live.com/? cid=8304688d9d5ba48c&amp;id=8304688D9D5BA48C!2409#cid=8304688D9D5BA48C&amp;id=8304688D9D5BA48C!2420 booklet] of the collection “'E cantavo le canzoni”', RCA Italiana, 27 July 2010.

*You're like a beautiful song by a band you hate, you confuse me but I can't help listening to you. 
:*Addressed to contestant Federica Buda during the television programme “'The Voice 2”'; quoted in “”[http://corrieredelmezzogiorno.corriere.it/catania/notizie/spettacoli/2014/3-aprile-2014/a-the-voice-canta-siracusadue-aretusee-gara -22314542674.shtml Syracuse sings on “The Voice”, two Aretuseans in the competition]“”, “'Corriere.it”', 3 April 2014.

*(Sul divorzio artistico con [[Fedez]]) ''Io già stavo male e volevo andarmene. La cosa aveva preso una direzione che non mi piaceva. Non c’era più lo spirito di quando avevamo fondato Newtopia. [...] Non riuscirei a individuare un momento preciso. Lui era molto più giovane di me. Io sono rimasto uguale, ogni persona si evolve in una maniera e siamo finiti con l’avere vedute diverse, mentre all’inizio avevamo le stesse. [...] Alla fine siamo arrivati con delle penali milionarie.
:*(On the artistic divorce with [[Fedez]]) &quot;I was already sick and wanted to leave. It had taken a direction I didn't like. There was no longer the spirit of when we founded Newtopia. [...] I couldn't pinpoint a specific moment. He was much younger than me. I remained the same, each person evolves in one way and we ended up having different views, while in the beginning we had the same ones. [...] We ended up with million-dollar penalties.
:**Quoted in Alberto Rossi, ''[https://www.msn.com/it-it/intrattenimento/celebrit%C3%A0/j-ax-rompe-il-silenzio-sulla-fine-con-fedez-le-sue-parole-raccontano-una-verit%C3%A0-rimasta-nascosta-per-anni/ar-AA27CDJm?ocid=TobArticle J-Ax rompe il silenzio sulla fine con Fedez: le sue parole raccontano una verità rimasta nascosta per anni]'', ''screenworld.it''.

==Bibliography==
*J-Ax, ''Dalla strada al palco'' (pp. 31-32); in Andrea Pedrinelli (editor), ''Gaber, Giorgio, il Signor G. Raccontato da intellettuali, amici, artisti'', Kowalski, Milano, 2008. ISBN 978-88-7496-754-4 (in Italian).

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:1972 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from Italy]]
[[Category:Rappers from Italy]]</text>
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    <title>Sara Duterte</title>
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      <text bytes="8275" sha1="9ey92kyirxx2wul261sjifc8r000ao3" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Vice_President_Sara_Duterte.jpg|thumb|right|Sara Duterte in 2022]]

'''[[w:Sara Duterte|Sara Zimmerman Duterte-Carpio]]''' (English: /dəˈtɜːrteɪ/, Tagalog: [dʊˈtɛɾtɛ]; born May 31, 1978), commonly known as '''Inday Sara''', is a Filipino lawyer and politician who is the 15th and current [[w:vice president of the Philippines|vice president of the Philippines]]. She is the third female vice president (after [[w:Gloria Macapagal Arroyo|Gloria Macapagal Arroyo]] and [[w:Leni Robredo|Leni Robredo]]), the third vice president to come from [[w:Mindanao|Mindanao]], and the youngest ever Philippine vice president. A daughter of the 16th president [[Rodrigo Duterte]], she previously served as the [[w:mayor of Davao City|mayor of Davao City]] from 2010 to 2013, and from 2016 to 2022. She was also Davao City's vice mayor from 2007 to 2010.

==Quotes==
===Rodrigo Duterte===
* He's known to be a very strong mayor, kasi 'yong type ng personality niya, na nadala din niya sa pagiging mayor niya, kung ano 'yong gusto niya, which is for the general welfare and greater good, iniinsist niya talaga, even though merong collateral damage na tinatawag. He's very headstrong.
**Translation: He's known to be a very strong mayor, because his type of personality, which he also brought with him as mayor, for whatever he wants, which is for the general welfare and greater good, he really insists on it, even though there are so-called collateral damage. He's very headstrong.
**Source: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqqX5q7jJbQ ''Rappler'' on YouTube], (April 2012)
* [on her relationship with Rodrigo Duterte] We're not very close. We're not very close because I come from a broken family, eh. So the time that the marriage broke up, I went with my mother [[w:Elizabeth Zimmerman|[Elizabeth Zimmerman]]]. And we rarely see him sa bahay. He was always at work. People, hindi sila naniniwala. Hindi kami nag-uusap, pero hindi kami magkaaway. Gano'n lang talaga 'yong relationship namin, gano'n 'yong kinalakihan ko. Believe it or not, we never discussed trabaho, kasi nga, in the first place, hindi nga namin dini-discuss anything else, eh, all the more trabaho pa.
**Translation: We're not very close. We're not very close because I come from a broken family, eh. So the time that the marriage broke up, I went with my mother. And we rarely see him at home. He was always at work. People, they don't believe it. We don't talk to each other, but we aren't feuding. That is just how our relationship is, that is how I grew up. Believe it or not, we never discussed work, because of course, in the first place, we don't even discuss anything else, all the more about work.
**Source: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqqX5q7jJbQ ''Rappler'' on YouTube], (April 2012)

===As vice president===
* [on her &quot;designated survivor&quot; remark] Dili to siya joke, dili pud to siya bomb threat. I think many missed the point. So para sa akoa, kung wala ka kasabot the first time, I don't think you deserve an explanation.
**Translation: It wasn’t a joke. It wasn’t a bomb threat. For me, if you don’t understand the first time, I don’t think you deserve an explanation.
**''[https://www.onenews.ph/articles/with-video-vp-designated-survivor-neither-a-joke-nor-bomb-threat OneNews.ph]'', (July 17, 2024)
* So you may try to destroy me. You can skin me alive, burn me, and throw my ashes to the wind. But let it be known: You will find me unbowed. I will continue to serve the Filipino people, no matter the personal cost or political intrigue.
**''[https://newsinfo.inquirer.net/1984549/vp-duterte-tells-house-skin-me-alive-but-you-will-find-me-unbowed Inquirer]'', (September 18, 2024)

====November 23 Zoom press conference====
* [in response to Julius &quot;Princess Maui&quot; L. Melanio's question]&lt;br&gt;Yes. Um, huwag kang mag-alala, ma'am, sa security ko, kasi may kinausap na ako na tao. Sinabi ko sa kanya, &quot;Kapag pinatay ako, patayin mo si [[w:Bongbong Marcos|BBM]], si [[w:Liza Araneta Marcos|Liza Araneta [Marcos]]], at si [[w:Martin Romualdez|Martin Romualdez]].&quot; No joke, no joke. Nagbilin na ako, ma'am. 'Pag namatay ako, sabi ko, &quot;huwag ka tumigil, ha, hanggang hindi mo mapatay sila.&quot; And then he said &quot;Yes.&quot; So... Alam mo, ma'am? 'Yan ang lagi kong... lagi kong sinasabi sa Makabayan Bloc, nung mayor pa ako. Ang laban wala diyan sa [[w:Epifanio delos Santos Avenue|EDSA]], ma'am. Wala diyan sa mga highway, mga... Ang laban, ma'am, nando'n sa loob ng palasyo. 'Yan ang problema. Uh, we appreciate yuong expression ninyo ng disgust, ng pagkamuhi... ng hopelessness, kasi it reflects kung ano yung nararamdaman ng marami, milyon-milyon. Alam ko 'yan, ma'am, kasi kahit saan ako pumunta, ako ang sinasabihan, &quot;Binoto namin 'yan dahil sinabi mo 'Iboto namin'.&quot; So yes, ma'am. Maraming salamat sa ginagawa ninyo. Dahil sa ginagawa ninyo, I'm sure nakikita 'yan ng taong bayan, and naa-appreciate nila 'yan. Marami sa ating mga kababayan ang gusto sumali sa inyo, pero sa sobrang hirap ng buhay ngayon, hindi nila maiwanan yung mga trabaho nila at hanapbuhay nila, para pumunta sa daan. Bakit sila naghihirap? Bakit? Dahil sa gobyerno. Hindi ba dapat yung gobyerno natin ang nagpapagaan ng buhay ng tao? Bakit ang gobyerno natin ang nagpapahirap lalo sa tao? Kasi gusto ba nila lagi na lang mahirap ang mga tao, para madali mapasunod? May mga lugar kami sa Mindanao na ganyan ang mga pulitiko. Gusto nila mahirap lahat. Keh bahugan lang nila ug kwarta, governor na sila, mayor na sila, congressman na sila. Hanapin niyo, ma'am, yung mga lugar na sobrang hirap sa Mindanao. Tingnan niyo, ano'ng gawain ng pulitiko. Pinapakain lang ng pera ang tao, binabastos yung kanilang pagkatao dahil wala silang pakialam. 'Yan din yung mga tao na gustong sumama sa inyo, na nakikiisa sa inyo, pero hindi nila maiwanan yung hanapbuhay dahil sa pamilya. Madami 'yan, ma'am.
**Translation: Yes. Um, don't worry for my security, ma'am, because I have already talked to someone. I said to him, &quot;If I get killed, kill BBM, Liza Araneta and Martin Romualdez.&quot; No joke, no joke. I already instructed [someone], ma'am. If I die, I said &quot;Do not stop, all right, as long as you have yet to kill them.&quot; And then he said &quot;yes.&quot; So... you know, ma'am? That's what I always... I always say to the Makabayan Bloc, when I was still mayor. The fight is not there in EDSA, ma'am. It's not there along the highways, those... The fight, ma'am, is there inside the palace. That's the problem. Uh, we appreciate your expression of disgust, of loathing... of hopelessness, because it reflects what many, millions, are feeling. I know that, ma'am, because wherever I go, I'm the one being told, &quot;We vote for him because you told us 'Vote [for him]'.&quot; So yes, ma'am. Many thanks for what you are doing. Because of what you do, I'm sure that it is seen by our countrymen, and they're able to appreciate it. Many of our fellow citizens want to join you, but their lives are so hard right now, they can't leave their work and livelihoods behind, in order to go to the streets. Why are they suffering? Why? Because of the government. Shouldn't our government be the one to lighten people's lives? Why is our government the one causing people to suffer more? Is it because they want people to always be poor, just to be easy to instruct? We have places in Mindanao that have politicians like that. They want everyone to be poor. Just feed people with money, they're now governor, they're now mayor, they're now congressmen. Look, ma'am, for the places that are most poor in Mindanao. Look at how politicians behave. They just feed people with money, insulting their dignity because they don't care. Those are the people who also want to join you, be one with you, but they can't leave their livelihoods because of family. They are many, ma'am.
**Source: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLcjP5LBRcw&amp;t=2359s ''ABS-CBN News'' on YouTube], (November 23, 2024)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Duterte, Sara }}
[[Category:1978 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Anti-communists]]
[[Category:Catholics from the Philippines]]
[[Category:Mayors]]
[[Category:Television personalities]]
[[Category:Women born in the 1970s]]
[[Category:Women in law]]
[[Category:Women politicians in the Philippines]]</text>
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      <text bytes="8297" sha1="lw307nyrkrcp9jsj5w4xpxiw3ogkhtj" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Vice_President_Sara_Duterte.jpg|thumb|right|Sara Duterte in 2022]]

'''[[w:Sara Duterte|Sara Zimmerman Duterte-Carpio]]''' (English: /dəˈtɜːrteɪ/, Tagalog: [dʊˈtɛɾtɛ]; born May 31, 1978), commonly known as '''Inday Sara''', is a Filipino lawyer and politician who is the 15th and current [[w:vice president of the Philippines|vice president of the Philippines]]. She is the third female vice president (after [[w:Gloria Macapagal Arroyo|Gloria Macapagal Arroyo]] and [[w:Leni Robredo|Leni Robredo]]), the third vice president to come from [[w:Mindanao|Mindanao]], and the youngest ever Philippine vice president. A daughter of the 16th president [[Rodrigo Duterte]], she previously served as the [[w:mayor of Davao City|mayor of Davao City]] from 2010 to 2013, and from 2016 to 2022. She was also Davao City's vice mayor from 2007 to 2010.

==Quotes==
===Rodrigo Duterte===
* He's known to be a very strong mayor, kasi 'yong type ng personality niya, na nadala din niya sa pagiging mayor niya, kung ano 'yong gusto niya, which is for the general welfare and greater good, iniinsist niya talaga, even though merong collateral damage na tinatawag. He's very headstrong.
**Translation: He's known to be a very strong mayor, because his type of personality, which he also brought with him as mayor, for whatever he wants, which is for the general welfare and greater good, he really insists on it, even though there are so-called collateral damage. He's very headstrong.
**Source: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqqX5q7jJbQ ''Rappler'' on YouTube], (April 2012)
* [on her relationship with Rodrigo Duterte] We're not very close. We're not very close because I come from a broken family, eh. So the time that the marriage broke up, I went with my mother [[w:Elizabeth Zimmerman|[Elizabeth Zimmerman]]]. And we rarely see him sa bahay. He was always at work. People, hindi sila naniniwala. Hindi kami nag-uusap, pero hindi kami magkaaway. Gano'n lang talaga 'yong relationship namin, gano'n 'yong kinalakihan ko. Believe it or not, we never discussed trabaho, kasi nga, in the first place, hindi nga namin dini-discuss anything else, eh, all the more trabaho pa.
**Translation: We're not very close. We're not very close because I come from a broken family, eh. So the time that the marriage broke up, I went with my mother. And we rarely see him at home. He was always at work. People, they don't believe it. We don't talk to each other, but we aren't feuding. That is just how our relationship is, that is how I grew up. Believe it or not, we never discussed work, because of course, in the first place, we don't even discuss anything else, all the more about work.
**Source: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqqX5q7jJbQ ''Rappler'' on YouTube], (April 2012)

===As vice president===
* [on her &quot;designated survivor&quot; remark] Dili to siya joke, dili pud to siya bomb threat. I think many missed the point. So para sa akoa, kung wala ka kasabot the first time, I don't think you deserve an explanation.
**Translation: It wasn’t a joke. It wasn’t a bomb threat. For me, if you don’t understand the first time, I don’t think you deserve an explanation.
**''[https://www.onenews.ph/articles/with-video-vp-designated-survivor-neither-a-joke-nor-bomb-threat OneNews.ph]'', (July 17, 2024)
* So you may try to destroy me. You can skin me alive, burn me, and throw my ashes to the wind. But let it be known: You will find me unbowed. I will continue to serve the Filipino people, no matter the personal cost or political intrigue.
**''[https://newsinfo.inquirer.net/1984549/vp-duterte-tells-house-skin-me-alive-but-you-will-find-me-unbowed Inquirer]'', (September 18, 2024)

====November 23, 2024 Zoom press conference====
* [in response to Julius &quot;Princess Maui&quot; L. Melanio's question on her security]&lt;br&gt;Yes. Um, huwag kang mag-alala, ma'am, sa security ko, kasi may kinausap na ako na tao. Sinabi ko sa kanya, &quot;Kapag pinatay ako, patayin mo si [[w:Bongbong Marcos|BBM]], si [[w:Liza Araneta Marcos|Liza Araneta [Marcos]]], at si [[w:Martin Romualdez|Martin Romualdez]].&quot; No joke, no joke. Nagbilin na ako, ma'am. 'Pag namatay ako, sabi ko, &quot;huwag ka tumigil, ha, hanggang hindi mo mapatay sila.&quot; And then he said &quot;Yes.&quot; So... Alam mo, ma'am? 'Yan ang lagi kong... lagi kong sinasabi sa Makabayan Bloc, nung mayor pa ako. Ang laban wala diyan sa [[w:Epifanio delos Santos Avenue|EDSA]], ma'am. Wala diyan sa mga highway, mga... Ang laban, ma'am, nando'n sa loob ng palasyo. 'Yan ang problema. Uh, we appreciate yuong expression ninyo ng disgust, ng pagkamuhi... ng hopelessness, kasi it reflects kung ano yung nararamdaman ng marami, milyon-milyon. Alam ko 'yan, ma'am, kasi kahit saan ako pumunta, ako ang sinasabihan, &quot;Binoto namin 'yan dahil sinabi mo 'Iboto namin'.&quot; So yes, ma'am. Maraming salamat sa ginagawa ninyo. Dahil sa ginagawa ninyo, I'm sure nakikita 'yan ng taong bayan, and naa-appreciate nila 'yan. Marami sa ating mga kababayan ang gusto sumali sa inyo, pero sa sobrang hirap ng buhay ngayon, hindi nila maiwanan yung mga trabaho nila at hanapbuhay nila, para pumunta sa daan. Bakit sila naghihirap? Bakit? Dahil sa gobyerno. Hindi ba dapat yung gobyerno natin ang nagpapagaan ng buhay ng tao? Bakit ang gobyerno natin ang nagpapahirap lalo sa tao? Kasi gusto ba nila lagi na lang mahirap ang mga tao, para madali mapasunod? May mga lugar kami sa Mindanao na ganyan ang mga pulitiko. Gusto nila mahirap lahat. Keh bahugan lang nila ug kwarta, governor na sila, mayor na sila, congressman na sila. Hanapin niyo, ma'am, yung mga lugar na sobrang hirap sa Mindanao. Tingnan niyo, ano'ng gawain ng pulitiko. Pinapakain lang ng pera ang tao, binabastos yung kanilang pagkatao dahil wala silang pakialam. 'Yan din yung mga tao na gustong sumama sa inyo, na nakikiisa sa inyo, pero hindi nila maiwanan yung hanapbuhay dahil sa pamilya. Madami 'yan, ma'am.
**Translation: Yes. Um, don't worry for my security, ma'am, because I have already talked to someone. I said to him, &quot;If I get killed, kill BBM, Liza Araneta and Martin Romualdez.&quot; No joke, no joke. I already instructed [someone], ma'am. If I die, I said &quot;Do not stop, all right, as long as you have yet to kill them.&quot; And then he said &quot;yes.&quot; So... you know, ma'am? That's what I always... I always say to the Makabayan Bloc, when I was still mayor. The fight is not there in EDSA, ma'am. It's not there along the highways, those... The fight, ma'am, is there inside the palace. That's the problem. Uh, we appreciate your expression of disgust, of loathing... of hopelessness, because it reflects what many, millions, are feeling. I know that, ma'am, because wherever I go, I'm the one being told, &quot;We vote for him because you told us 'Vote [for him]'.&quot; So yes, ma'am. Many thanks for what you are doing. Because of what you do, I'm sure that it is seen by our countrymen, and they're able to appreciate it. Many of our fellow citizens want to join you, but their lives are so hard right now, they can't leave their work and livelihoods behind, in order to go to the streets. Why are they suffering? Why? Because of the government. Shouldn't our government be the one to lighten people's lives? Why is our government the one causing people to suffer more? Is it because they want people to always be poor, just to be easy to instruct? We have places in Mindanao that have politicians like that. They want everyone to be poor. Just feed people with money, they're now governor, they're now mayor, they're now congressmen. Look, ma'am, for the places that are most poor in Mindanao. Look at how politicians behave. They just feed people with money, insulting their dignity because they don't care. Those are the people who also want to join you, be one with you, but they can't leave their livelihoods because of family. They are many, ma'am.
**Source: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLcjP5LBRcw&amp;t=2359s ''ABS-CBN News'' on YouTube], (November 23, 2024)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Duterte, Sara }}
[[Category:1978 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Anti-communists]]
[[Category:Catholics from the Philippines]]
[[Category:Mayors]]
[[Category:Television personalities]]
[[Category:Women born in the 1970s]]
[[Category:Women in law]]
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== Defamatory categories like Islamophobes added ==

[[q:Category:Islamophobes]] has been added recently and dozens of people have been tagged as Islamophobes, which is clearly potentially defamatory. The article links to [[w:Category:Islamophobia]], which has a very different meaning, although a similiar word. That WP cat `Islamophobia` clearly states &quot;It '''must not''' include articles about individuals, groups or media that are allegedly Islamophobic.&quot; I guess the same thing applies here?

Pretty sure this category should be deleted. The same user has also created other categories which I haven't looked at but you may want to, e.g. `Religious discrimination`. Perhaps you need to lock down category creation? [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 16:25, 13 April 2026 (UTC)

:Agreed on deletion. I don't know that we need a site-wide policy about category creation. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:26, 13 April 2026 (UTC)
::Agree that this is problematic - but I wouldn't just delete them. The people now in this category used to be in the acceptable category of &lt;nowiki&gt;[[Category:Critics of Islam]]&lt;/nowiki&gt; (which I think is fine) - the changes should be reverted first, and then delete the new category. There's quite a difference between one who is a critic of Islam versus someone who is an Islamophobe. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 18:26, 13 April 2026 (UTC)
:::Yes. I agree the existing category was fine. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 18:57, 13 April 2026 (UTC)
::::ok I have been through them and undone the changes by @[[User:EarthDude|EarthDude]]. VFD issues on Category. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 13:30, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
:::I agree that there is a major difference between a critic of Islam and an Islamophobe, which is the main reason why I created this cat. We can't conflate the two of them. — [[User:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet&quot;&gt;'''EarthDude'''&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: black&quot;&gt;'''Talk'''&lt;/span&gt;]]) 14:29, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
:How is this any different from [[q:Category:Antisemites]], [[q:Category:White supremacists]], or [[q:Category:Fascists]]? If something is widely accepted by reliable sourcing and has content related to it, I struggle to see how it would be considered defamatory. If calling someone an Islamophobe is defamatory, inspite of support from reliable sourcing, then we should also delete [[q:Category:Antisemites]] and other similar cats. We need to have a consistent standard. I tried my best to only include articles within the cat, for whom the widespread mainstream acceptance is that they are anti-Muslim in a racist and discriminatory sense rather than merely a critical sense. If you believe some entries don't reach that threshold, I don't mind their removal, and we can further discuss specific entries and the like specifically, but I strongly oppose the deletion of this cat. Locking category creation entirely is also quite an extreme response here. — [[User:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet&quot;&gt;'''EarthDude'''&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: black&quot;&gt;'''Talk'''&lt;/span&gt;]]) 14:10, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
::For me, I don't necessarily disagree with your premise - but it appeared that everyone in the Critics of Islam category had been moved over to this new category (and just skimming through I saw at least a few people for which that label seemed to be extreme). I would suggest a very careful look at each individual to ensure that the proper category is applied (rather than just moving all from one category to the other). And since this recategorization has now been questioned, perhaps it would also be better to continue discussion a bit to gain some consensus before making further moves. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:42, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
:::I didn't move everyone from the Critics cat to the Islamophobe cat. After I was done with that work, quite a lot of articles still remained in the Critics cat. I had tried to be careful when I created the Islamophobe cat, but I am happy to discuss specific articles and whether or not they are appropriate in it. However, again, deleting it altogether is something I oppose. — [[User:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet&quot;&gt;'''EarthDude'''&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: black&quot;&gt;'''Talk'''&lt;/span&gt;]]) 14:47, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
::::It's a very subjective thing though. Unless there is an authoritative quote from the person using the term in relation to themselves or something synonymous then it seems a can of worms to me and an accusation that many mainstream politicians for example might contest. How did you decide, was it your opinion on the person, as was it based entirely on the collection of quotes? Morrissey was one I looked at I actually added a quote indirectly about Islam because he didn't like slaughtering animals. I couldn't see anything which pinned him down as a confirmed self confessed Islamaphobe. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 15:37, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
:::::That is a very good point - and where my initial reluctance about this arose. Applying such a category should be extremely limited and only where it is a clear case. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:58, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
::::::Hmm. What about having the threshold be subjects whose enwiki articles call them Islamophobic in wikivoice and who have quotes related to Islam or Muslims? — [[User:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet&quot;&gt;'''EarthDude'''&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: black&quot;&gt;'''Talk'''&lt;/span&gt;]]) 17:12, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
:::::::What enwiki articles call someone islamophobic in Wikivoice? That violates the enwiki manual of style. [[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] ([[User talk:PARAKANYAA|talk]]) 20:49, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
::::::::Oh, I was just proposing an idea for a strong standard for inclusion in the category. If not that, then what about figures for whom there is some sort of academic consensus that they are Islamophobic and again, who have quotes related to Islam or Muslims. — [[User:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet&quot;&gt;'''EarthDude'''&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: black&quot;&gt;'''Talk'''&lt;/span&gt;]]) 05:33, 20 April 2026 (UTC)
:::::::::Now that the VfD has closed and the category has been kept, we do need to come up with a standard for inclusion. What do editors think of the one I've proposed above? Pinging: @[[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] @[[User:Koavf|Koavf]] @[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] @[[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] — [[User:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet&quot;&gt;'''EarthDude'''&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: black&quot;&gt;'''Talk'''&lt;/span&gt;]]) 17:49, 23 April 2026 (UTC)
::::::::::If there are quotes from an authoritative source and they are included in the WQ page, it's always going to be subjective to a degree and quotes can always be found to prove just about anything for public figures who might have massivce amounts of material in the public domain, but can't see what else you could go on. Obviously users other than yourself could add anyone at any time, and not even know this discussion has ever taken place. So I am not sure how the category will be monitored. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 20:25, 23 April 2026 (UTC)
::::::::::The cfd was no consensus. I oppose anyone being added. [[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] ([[User talk:PARAKANYAA|talk]]) 00:22, 24 April 2026 (UTC)
:::::::::::There was no consensus for deleting the category, which is why it was kept. We can't simply have an empty category with no entries. — [[User:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet&quot;&gt;'''EarthDude'''&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: black&quot;&gt;'''Talk'''&lt;/span&gt;]]) 17:59, 1 May 2026 (UTC)
:::::::::Fyi, this would also include figures who have self-identified as Islamophobes, such as the aforementioned [[Laura Loomer]]. — [[User:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet&quot;&gt;'''EarthDude'''&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: black&quot;&gt;'''Talk'''&lt;/span&gt;]]) 17:51, 23 April 2026 (UTC)
::People self-describe as fascists or national socialists. Fascism and National Socialism are specific ideologies. Not the same. [[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] ([[User talk:PARAKANYAA|talk]]) 20:48, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
:::In all fairness, we shouldn't have [[:Category:Antisemites]] either. Enwiki deleted that long ago. [[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] ([[User talk:PARAKANYAA|talk]]) 23:17, 15 April 2026 (UTC)
::::Well, enwiki never had a category for antisemites. From what I can find, the cat that was deleted was [[w:Wikipedia:Categories for discussion/Log/2007 October 3#Category:Notable or notorious antisemites|Category:Notable or notorious antisemites]]. I have linked the discussion here. The nominator's rationale for deleting that specific cat was &quot;POV title, this will become merely a place for people to argue as to who or what is &quot;notable&quot; or &quot;notorious&quot;&quot; and many in the discussion proposed renaming it to &quot;Category:Antisemites&quot;. So the reason it was deleted is different from why this current VfD is open.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Also, there have been figures like [[Laura Loomer]] who have explicitly identified themselves as Islamophobes.[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-election/laura-loomer-islamophobe-republican-primary-florida-a9677066.html] — [[User:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet&quot;&gt;'''EarthDude'''&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family: Courier; color: black&quot;&gt;'''Talk'''&lt;/span&gt;]]) 05:41, 20 April 2026 (UTC)
:::::There was an entire RfC that prohibited putting people in any of the antisemitism categories. This is what I am referring to. It is still subjective; enwiki's subjectivecat guideline is the relevant idea. [[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] ([[User talk:PARAKANYAA|talk]]) 05:48, 20 April 2026 (UTC)

== [[The Empire Strikes Back]] ==

There is an ongoing edit war on this page. Could someone please do something about it? [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 07:54, 15 April 2026 (UTC)

:I have applied Autopatrolled-level page protection for two weeks due to the ongoing edit war. {{Ping|~2026-23217-19|AdamDeanHall}} Please use the talk page to discuss changes and reach consensus before making further edits. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 09:41, 15 April 2026 (UTC)
== [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/Archives]] ==

I created that archive index, because currently on [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship#Past discussions]], clicking on the yearly archives can be too long to scroll down, especially on mobile devices. This is based on Meta-Wiki's RFA archive index. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 22:53, 15 April 2026 (UTC)

:Thanks. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:27, 23 April 2026 (UTC)
== Zahtev za zaštitu stranice &quot;Milinko Vasiljević ==

Poštovani administratori, ja sam Milinko Vasiljević, novinar i audio producent (subjekt stranice). Molim vas da zaključate moju stranicu jer je učestalo meta neovlašćenih izmena koje narušavaju moj profesionalni integritet i brend @MileVoiceOver. Želim da osiguram tačnost svojih podataka koje gradim još od 2001. godine i sprečim dalju bahatost pojedinih korisnika. Unapred hvala na razumevanju. [[User:Milevoiceover|Milevoiceover]] ([[User talk:Milevoiceover|talk]]) 19:06, 1 May 2026 (UTC)

:@[[User:Milevoiceover|Milevoiceover]] This seems to be your first edit here, what page do you need to be protected? [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 23:48, 5 May 2026 (UTC)
: [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]], there is no article about this user in this project, but it's on Serbian Wikipedia and Serbian Wikiquote. Because of this, there is nothing that English Wikiquote administrators can do. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:32, 7 May 2026 (UTC)
== [[Wikiquote:Community Portal]] ==

Shouldn't someone admin-protect this? I was able to edit it despite being only confirmed. [[User:Nighfidelity|Nighfidelity]] ([[User talk:Nighfidelity|talk]]) 16:02, 20 May 2026 (UTC)
: Semi-protection should be sufficient for this page. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 16:33, 20 May 2026 (UTC)
== 2FA requirement for bureaucrats ==

Per [[Special:ListGroupRights#bureaucrat]] and per [[phab:T423120|T423120]], you'll notice that two-factor authentication is required to use bureaucrat permissions (and will soon be enforced). Our existing bureaucrats should take a moment to verify and utilize two-factor authentication. Thank you. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 22:31, 27 May 2026 (UTC)
: Pinging existing bureaucrats @[[User:BD2412|BD2412]], @[[User:GreenMeansGo|GreenMeansGo]], @[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] and @[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] to be aware of this message. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 15:13, 31 May 2026 (UTC)
::I already have 2FA enabled, as it is a requirement for interface administrators. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 16:12, 31 May 2026 (UTC)
::Already done. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 18:08, 31 May 2026 (UTC)
::{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:26, 1 June 2026 (UTC)
:: {{done}} (I think). [[User:BD2412|&lt;span style=&quot;background:#F2E6CE&quot;&gt;''BD2412''&lt;/span&gt;]] [[User talk:BD2412|'''T''']] 18:39, 1 June 2026 (UTC)
== Same Person or not? ==

Hello, I've reviewed the prod of [[Amanda_Lynch]], is this the same person of Wikipedia? I cannot confirm whether or not since the description is vague. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 17:30, 24 June 2026 (UTC)

:I placed the prod tag on this page precisely because it appears to be a different person than [[w:Amanda Lynch|Amanda Lynch]] on Wikipedia - and thus does not have her own page there. It was my opinion that this person on our page is not notable, but I wanted to allow anyone to dispute that and provide some information on her notability if such exists. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 17:37, 24 June 2026 (UTC)</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Project Hail Mary</title>
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      <id>3963235</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-07-10T22:45:56Z</timestamp>
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        <username>Vanguard Man</username>
        <id>3294029</id>
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      <text bytes="10907" sha1="5bmvejwbiq7wz0yggcsg0id8ge6ei0k" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Project Hail Mary (2026) Logo.png|thumb|Believe in the Hail Mary]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Project Hail Mary (film)|Project Hail Mary]]''''' is a 2026 American [[w:epic film|epic]] [[w:science fiction film|science fiction film]], about middle school science teacher Ryland Grace (Ryan Gosling) who wakes up on a spaceship light-years from home with no recollection of who he is or how he got there. As his memory returns, he begins to uncover his mission: to solve the riddle of the mysterious substance that is causing the sun to die out. He must call on his scientific knowledge and unorthodox ideas to save everything on Earth from extinction... but an unexpected friendship means he may not have to do it alone.
:''Directed by [[w:Phil Lord|Phil Lord]] and [[w:Christopher Miller|Christopher Miller]] and screenplay adapted by [[w:Drew Goddard|Drew Goddard]], based on [[w:Andy Weir|Andy Weir]]'s [[w:Project Hail Mary|2021 novel of the same name]].''
{{center|'''Believe in the Hail Mary.'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Ryland Grace==
* [''In video recording'']
* Rocky's growing on me! At least he's not growing ''IN'' me, which was a concern for a while...
* I always wanted to be... mysterious. Talk too much. It's my problem. Like right now.
* Rocky, my hand is up. We can't just show up in a space ball unannounced and move into someone else's spaceship. Right? There has to be boundaries.
* There's nothing she can't do
* [''Whispering to camera''] He tells me what to do, he tells me why to do it, he tells me how to do it, he tells me when to do it, and then when I do it, he's like, &quot;what are you doing?&quot;
* [''Watches a new package being thrown from &quot;Blip A&quot; after the first one bounced off the Hail Mary's hull''] Why is it moving so much slower than the last one? [''Sighs and closes eyes''] They think I'm dumb.
* Guys! This is first contact! With life! Outside of the, uh oh. Oh... it died.
* Carl and I made a mini-Venus out of a plywood box and as soon as the samples recognized the, uh, spectral signature of CO2 they were... they were like &quot;whoop, there it is!&quot;
* Wow! You're not gonna believe this. Nothing happened!
* The astrophage consumes the sun's energy and then they expel it for propulsion. They toot to scoot, basically.
* Okay buddy, I watch you sleep but you have to wake up.
* Carl and I made a baby!
* We’re fathers, Carl!

==Eva Stratt==
* [''Looking at Ryland Grace while singing''] Remember, everything will be alright. We can meet again somewhere. Somewhere far away from here. And that is enough.
* This might seem like me betraying you, but this is actually me believing in you.
* You're smart. You'll figure it out.

==Rocky==
* Rocky watch whole crew die. Could not fix. Grace say Grace will die. Rocky fix.
* Amaze. Amaze. Amaze.
* Fist my bump.
* Rocky hate Mark.
* Grumpy. Angry. Stupid. How long since last sleep, question?
* Grace Rocky save stars
* It is time go.
* Time go fishing, question?

==Carl==
* You know who you are. You're going to do great.

==Dialogue==
:'''Ryland Grace''': I put the 'not' in astronaut! I've never done a space walk, I can't even moonwalk! I haven't done any training, I haven't done the whole... ..the pool thing!
:'''Olesya Ilyukhina''': No, no, no. That is just we do for the picture, for social media.
:'''Ryland Grace''': I'm not heroic in any way. I get sick on an elevator!
:'''Yao''': Perfect. There's no elevator on the ship.

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': You have a mate. How long you been together?
:'''Rocky''': 186.3 years.
:'''Ryland Grace''': It's like, the honeymoon phase.
:'''Rocky''': No understand.
:'''Ryland Grace''': That's a joke, Rock, it's a long time. You've been together a long time.
:'''Rocky''': Is not enough.

----
:'''Rocky''': Words of encouragement.
:'''Ryland Grace''': You can't just say &quot;words of encouragement!&quot;
:'''Rocky''': Words of GREAT encouragement!

----
:'''Rocky''': We leave now, question?
:'''Ryland Grace''': Leave now. Statement.

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': Commander Yao, I really appreciate what you all are doing.
:'''Yao''': I mean, you would do the same.
:'''Ryland Grace''': I would choose just not to go at all. I don't have the bravery gene that you all have.
:'''Yao''': Trust me. It's not a gene. You just need to find someone to be brave for.

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': [''Whispering''] There's no way you can hear me right now.
:'''Rocky''': Can hear.

----
:'''Rocky''': Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty. Why room so messy, question?
:'''Ryland Grace''': Well, I wasn't expecting company, was I?
:'''Rocky''': This room for garbage? Ohh.

----
:'''Rocky''': How do you know when the hug is done?
:'''Ryland Grace''': You just feel it.
:'''Rocky''': Oh, are you feeling it now?
:'''Ryland Grace''': Nope.

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': We can't just show up in a spaceball unannounced and move into someone else's spaceship, right? There has to be boundaries.
:'''Rocky''': Boundaries.
:'''Ryland Grace''': We have one mission.
:'''Rocky''': Mission.
:'''Ryland Grace''': But we're two distinct individuals.
:'''Rocky''': Individuals.
:'''Ryland Grace''': Both working on our distinct, individual parts of that mission.
:'''Rocky''': Mission.
:'''Ryland Grac'''e: Separately.
:'''Rocky''': Separately.
:'''Ryland Grace''': Ok.
:'''Rocky''': Where my bedroom?
:'''Ryland Grace''': Bedroom? For what?

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': I need to get into orbit or we'll crash!
:'''Rocky''': I have an idea. First, no crash. Then, no explode. Deal?
:'''Ryland Grace''': [''Thumbs down''] Deal!

----
:'''Hardware Store Cashier''': Which government?
:'''Carl''': All of them.

----
:'''Rocky: You are very brave.
:'''Ryland Grace: I don't know about that.
:'''Rocky''': You are bravest human I have ever met.
:'''Ryland Grace''': Hey!
:'''Rocky''': Is joke!
:'''Ryland Grace''': I know.
:'''Rocky''': I only meet one human. And it's you!
:'''Ryland Grace''': I get it.
:'''Rocky''': It's good joke.
:'''Ryland Grace''': Good joke.

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': It took, like, 200 years to figure out how bacteria works, so...
:'''Eva Stratt''': Please do it faster.

----
:'''Eva Stratt''': The consensus here is that it would be preferable if you did not die.
:'''Ryland Grace''': Thanks, guys.

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': I'm gonna go to sleep.
:'''Rocky''': Mm, no understand word.
:'''Ryland Grace''': Sleep? Uh, just uh, you go like this. [''Lies down'']
:'''Rocky''': [''Panicked''] D-d-died? Is died? Died?
:'''Ryland Grace''': No...
:'''Rocky''': No no no no no!
:'''Ryland Grace''': Not died, just laying here for 29,000 seconds and then we... wake up.
:'''Rocky''': Oh... understand.

----
:'''Eva Stratt''': Do you stand by what you wrote?
:'''Ryland Grace''': I was fired for standing by what I wrote.
:'''Eva Stratt''': You were fired for calling the leading scholar in your field a &quot;staggering waste of carbon&quot; at the UNESCO conference in Denmark.

----
:'''Rocky''': I thought you made peace, question?
:'''Ryland Grace''': I didn't mean any of that. That's just something you say.

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': [''Rreading from computer''] Fist my bump? No. It's fist bump.
:'''Rocky''': [''On computer''] Is same.
:'''Ryland Grace''': It's not the same.

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': So, you really think all this is going to work?
:'''Eva Stratt''': God willing.
:'''Ryland Grace''': You believe in God?
:'''Eva Stratt''': Beats the alternative.

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': We have 1,009 of these Little Engines That Could on the Hail Mary, and, uh...
:'''Yao''': [in Mandarin] This guy speaks like a child.
:'''Eva Stratt''': [''In Mandarin'] It doesn't matter, you'll get used to it.
:'''Yao''': Okay.
:'''Eva Stratt''': [''Whispering''] You're doing great.
:'''Ryland Grace''': [''Whispering''] What?

----
:'''Rocky''': What is Grace doing, question?
:'''Ryland Grace''': [softly] I'm having a moment.

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': Imagine, for a second, that you're an interstellar microorganism.
:'''Carl''': I'm not doing that.

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': Carl and I made a baby.
:'''Eva Stratt''': [''Over phone''] ... What?

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': You'll find a solution.
:'''Eva Stratt''': You are my solution.

----
:'''Rocky''': Close the door!
:'''Ryland Grace''': Why? I thought you said it was a safe neighborhood!
:'''Rocky''': I make door, you close door!

----
:'''Rocky''': More! No, no, no, left! Be left, more left, more left! Is perfect! No, wrong.
:'''Mary''': Erratic maneuver detected.
:'''Rocky''': No. Wrong way, wrong way. Wrong angle, bad, bad, bad. Good, good, good! Good! Bad, not enough, not enough. Too much, too much, too much!
:'''Ryland Grace''': I'm barely pulling it!
:'''Rocky''': Left, left, left! No, is bad. Grace Rocky dead. All Rocky plural, all Earth die, we die, we die.

----
:'''Rocky''': Grace look disgust when eat!
:'''Ryland Grace''': How do you look when you eat?
:'''Rocky''': It look beautiful!
:'''Ryland Grace''': Show me.
:'''Rocky''': [''Proceeds to demonstrate'']
:'''Ryland Grace''': Oh my god. [''Tries not to gag'']

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': *Whispering to video log* He has incredible hearing. He can see through walls. Personal space is at a premium...
:'''Rocky''': Who is Grace talking to Question?

----
:'''Rocky''': [''To recording''] Hello, Earth. Plan is like fishing. We get very close to Adrian atmosphere and lower collector into clouds with chain. Then Grace go on hull to reel it in. If ship not at precise angle and speed, we die. Example: We must fly backwards to keep proper velocity, even though Grace still have no pilot experience!
:'''Ryland Grace''': Hey, I've been practicing, haven't I?

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': They seem to be... dimming the sun a tiny, teeny-weeny little bit.
:'''Olivia''': So no big whoop?
:'''Ryland Grace''': It's a-It's a small whoop. It's small-to-medium whoop. Over the next 30 years, the Earth could cool maybe 10 to... 15 degrees.
:'''Olivia''': So it is a big whoop?

----
:'''Ryland Grace''': Did you get your free hat?
:'''Eva Stratt''': Yeah I k-I kind of bought them?

==Taglines==
* Believe in the Hail Mary

==Cast==
* [[w:Ryan Gosling|Ryland Grace]] - Ryland Grace
* [[w:Sandra Hüller|Sandra Hüller]] - Eva Stratt
* [[w:James Ortiz|James Ortiz]] - Rocky
* [[w:Lionel Boyce|Lionel Boyce]] - Carl
* [[w:Milana Vayntrub|Milana Vayntrub]] - Olesya Ilyukhina
* [[w:Ken Leung|Ken Leung]] - Yao
* [[w:Priya Kansara|Priya Kansara]] - Mary(voice)
* [[w:Mia Soteriou|Mia Soteriou]] - Dr. Browne
* Annelle Olaleye - Olivia
* Maya Eva Hosein - Rekha
* Bastian Antonio Fuentes - Parker

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commonscat}}
* {{IMDb title|id=12042730|title=Project Hail Mary}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=project_hail_mary|title=Galaxy Quest}}

[[Category:2026 films]]
[[Category:2020s American films]]
[[Category:Space adventure films]]
[[Category:Action science fiction films]]
[[Category:Films about extraterrestrial life]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Backrooms</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <id>3963282</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-07-11T06:22:36Z</timestamp>
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        <username>~2026-39382-75</username>
        <id>3349114</id>
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[[File:&quot;Backrooms&quot; logo.svg|frameless|right|thumb|alt=A logo reading &quot;BACKROOMS&quot;]]
'''''[[w:Backrooms (film)|Backrooms]]''''' is a [[w:2026 in film|2026]] American [[w:science fiction film|science fiction]] [[w:psychological horror (film and television)|psychological horror film]] about a man who discovers a dimension of seemingly endless [[w:Liminal space|liminal spaces]] accessed through the basement of his furniture store and his therapist, who ventures into the unknown to try to save him.
:''Directed by [[w:Kane Parsons|Kane Parsons]]. Written by [[w:Will Soodik|Will Soodik]], based on [[w:Backrooms (web series)|the web series]] created by Kane Parsons.''
{{center/s}}'''Everything must go.'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;{{center/e}}

== Clark ==
[[File:The Backrooms - Digitally Rendered.png|thumb|All these rooms, this place builds them.]]
* Look, I know how this sounds but you gotta understand, it's massive in there.
* Okay, I'm gonna come back here with proof.
* Keep up. It only gets better.
* It's like a maze, it just goes on and on.
* All these rooms, this place builds them.
* I've been here every night since I found the place and I still barely scratched the surface.
* Sometimes I'm scared I'll get lost.

== Dr. Mary Kline ==
* I'm not saying I don't believe you.
* We all have our loops. Our habits. Behaviors that keep us walking in circles. Reaching for the same solutions over and over again. Thinking each time will take you somewhere new, but they don't. And still, it's the neural pathway of least resistance. A path you made. It's the one that kept you safe when you were a child. You learned to push people away before they could hurt you. And now, as an adult, you're still stuck right where you started.

== Other ==
* '''Bobby''': You still haven't told us what we're doing here, man.

== Dialogue ==
:''[In a therapy session with Clark]''
:'''Mary''': Alone. 
:'''Clark''': I mean, I'm not lonely. I have... employees, customers...
:'''Mary''': I didn't say lonely. I said alone.
:'''Clark''': I hurt people. I don't want to. It's just the way I'm wired. So, maybe I deserve to be alone.
:'''Mary''': Do you think anyone deserves to be alone?
:'''Clark''': I don't know, but, you know, maybe it's not such a bad thing.
:'''Mary''': Being alone feels deeply ingrained. I understand. You've had dreams and a lot of resistance, not a lot of support in realizing those dreams. And when we've experienced hurt again and again, we start to expect it It's like, oh, I know this path. I know where it goes. So... are you interested in forging a new path and see where that leads?
:'''Clark''': Sure. Why not? You know, I'm here.
:'''Mary''': Great. So, I want to revisit an exercise we've done before. The role play.
:'''Clark''': Oh, the acting thing?
:'''Mary''': Yeah.
:'''Clark''': I feel stupid doing that.
:'''Mary''': I know. But we have a few minutes. Let's, um... yeah, let's try. A little bit. All right. Let's hit the scene. Let's go back to the night that Barbara left you.
:'''Clark''': You mean the night she kicked me out of my own house?
:'''Mary''': Yeah.
:'''Clark''': I'm playing myself. 
:'''Mary''': And I'll be Barbara.
:'''Clark''': It is my house, by the way. I'm the one paying for it.
:'''Mary''': I know.
:'''Clark''': Okay. So, um... I'd gotten home late. I don't know how late. She was already asleep. Maybe midnight. She usually goes to bed before. It doesn't matter. The point is, I was in the kitchen and, um... The glass. I broke the glass. And she comes running down to see what happened. And things escalated.
:'''Mary''': And how do you feel?
:'''Clark''': Well, I was... I was drunk. And, um... I felt stupid. I was angry. Because I broke the glass.
:'''Mary''': Can you say that to me?
:'''Clark''': What? To Barbara?
:'''Mary''': Yeah.
:'''Clark''': I'm sorry that I woke you. 
:'''Mary''': Maybe if you'd come home earlier, we could have spent the evening together. 
:'''Clark''': No, I was... I was working, you know. I came straight home after work.
:'''Mary''': Be honest with me, please. I can smell it on your breath.
:'''Clark''': I had a few beers.
:'''Mary''': Define a few.
:'''Clark''': Well, it was a hard day. I needed to wind down.
:'''Mary''': All we ever do is wind down. You're always at this door. 
:'''Clark''': You want kids, right? 
:'''Mary''': We both do. 
:'''Clark''': Well, you know, having a family takes money, which means someone has to work. Unless being a professional student is considered a job these days.
:'''Mary''': That's not fair. You know I had to take time off.
:'''Clark''': Well, it's not my fault if you can't keep up. How are you gonna be a lawyer if you can't even handle law school? Who even pays for everything while you're gallivanting around campus like a 30-year-old freshman? I'll give you a hint. It's me. I pay for your school. I pay for your time off school. I pay for the roof over your head.
:'''Mary''': Can I talk now?
:'''Clark''': ''[Points]'' No. No. Because I'd like to know, what do you think happens if you do manage to graduate? You know, you pop out a kid and then you leave me with the bill. Or am I stuck at home changing diapers because you're too busy working for the first time in your life?
:'''Mary''': Now you're being cruel.
:'''Clark''': I'm being honest. I thought that's what you always wanted. 
:'''Mary''': Just because you didn't get to be an architect doesn't mean...
:'''Clark''': I am a fucking architect! God damn it. I'm just stuck selling shit furniture because someone won't get off their fat fucking ass and help me.
:'''Mary''': How do you feel, Clark?
:'''Clark''': Who am I talking to? Me. Here. Malcolm. Um... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, uh... you know, get angry or lose my temper or whatever.
:'''Mary''': I know. That's the purpose of the whole exercise. This is a good start. To feel what you feel, and then learn to identify a new path. Your reaction was actually quite normal.
:'''Clark''': Oh, that's me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Clark''': I found something..
:'''Mary''': What'd you find?
:'''Clark''': I found a place...I found a place.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the backrooms alternate reality]''
:'''Clark''': You found it.
:'''Mary''': Where are we?
:'''Clark''': It's... every place that ever was.
:'''Mary''': How long have you been here? ''[Hears Pirate Clark monster roar]'' What was that?
:'''Clark''': Stay calm. It's only me. You know me. ''[Pirate Clark monster approaches then Clark gets Mary in a headlock and chokes her out]'' I know what I'm doing. I'll give you the power to change.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mary''': ''[Wakes up tied to a chair in a kitchen/dining/living hybrid room of the backrooms alternate reality with Clark seated across from her]'' What is this?
:'''Clark''': It's a real mess. Am I right?
:'''Mary''': Clark, let me help you. Before you do anything you can't take back.
:'''Clark''': Answer the question. 
:'''Mary''': Yes. It's a real mess. 
:'''Clark''': But also beautiful. In a way. No?
:'''Mary''': Who are these people?
:'''Clark''': This place builds them. Or, actually, more like it remembers them. And the more times it remembers something, the less it does. Somewhere out there is a guy in a... striped shirt, but in here, he's... remembered. Just slightly wrong. Somewhere out there is a man in a... wheelchair and a lamp. I'm pretty sure that's how you get all of this. You know, all these places and... rooms and buildings... misremembering themselves.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mary''': Clark. Let's talk this through.
:'''Clark''': In some ways, they're an improvement on the originals. For starters, they can't feel anything. ''[walks over to a catatonic mature adult man figure and inserts knife into the man's neck]'' Can you imagine how good that must feel? I mean, there's no thoughts, no pain, no ego. No fear. They simply... exist. like... like furniture. Yeah. Look at this. Look at this. Best part. ''[Opens man's shirt]'' You can eat them. ''[Reaches into man's abdomen and rips out a chunk resembling furniture stuffing foam and places it on plates, then gestures to Mary to try it, then walks over to fridge, opens it to reveal decapitated head of Kat]'' Oh, that's my assistant manager, I tried to help her, but she just...
:'''Mary''': Clark, if you untie me, we can talk this through, get you feeling better,
:'''Clark''': What if I did untie you, you know, what then? You'd run around here like a chicken with its head cut off looking for a way out, you know, you'd end up in the same place you are now, like the path thing you're always talking about.
:'''Mary''': Clark, I just want to help you, just tell me what you need, I'll do it.
:'''Clark''': Yeah.
:'''Mary''': Yeah, yes, please.
:'''Clark''': Okay. Well, I want you to tell me that I didn't do anything wrong, you know, that... That you were wrong about me.
:'''Mary''': I was wrong about you! I was! I was wrong about you!
:'''Clark''': No, no, no, not like that, not, not so fast, okay? I mean, I want to, I want to set the scene first. Let's start, um, on the night that, uh, that I got kicked out of my own house. It was, um, it was late. A lot darker. ''[Turns to a woman figure]'' Lights, please. ''[Woman is unresponsive; he turns back to Mary and chuckles''] I tried this exercise with her before, it doesn't go anywhere. Fine. I'll do it myself. It's still my house, after all. ''[Gets up and walks over to light switch, turns off lights]'' Yeah. ''[Man figure in couch seat turns on lamp]'' Thank you. It's better. But there's... still... still... something off. ''[Pulls knife out of man's neck]'' Yeah... ''[approaches woman figure]'' 
:'''Mary''': Don't. ''[He cuts off her scalp, placing it over Mary's hair]'' Please.
:'''Clark''': I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I broke the glass and woke you up. I know how you like to sleep early. I was at the store late. I guess I lost track of the time. I was checking inventory, but I stopped off for a few beers. 
:'''Mary''': Clark.
:'''Clark''': Barbara! I was checking inventory, then I stopped off for a few beers. 
:'''Mary''': Define a few.
:'''Clark''': As many as I wanted. Because this is my house. I pay for it. I pay for everything. I pay for you to go to school. I pay for your time off school. I pay for the roof over your head. You want kids, right? Well, that takes money. So someone has to work around here! I said someone has to get off her fat ass and work around here! 
:'''Mary''': Just because you didn't get to be an architect-
:'''Clark''': I ''am'' a fucking architect! I'm just stuck selling shit furniture because someone won't get off her fat fucking ass and help me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mary''': I'm not your wife!
:'''Clark''': Stay in character! ''[Mary shakes the fake hair from her head]'' Stay in character!
:'''Mary''': I've never even met her!
:'''Clark''': Stay in character!
:'''Mary''': Fuck you!
:'''Clark''': ''[Pause]'' What did you say?
:'''Mary''': You want to know the real reason your wife left you? It wasn't the drinking! or the stumbling home at all hours or the rage! It was the whining! Nothing's ever your fault, is it? You drink too much? Blame your job. You hate your job? Blame the world. You get kicked out of the house? Blame your wife. You attack me and tie me up? Blame your brain- you are your fucking brain, you dipshit!
:'''Clark''': You're saying it's my fault?!
:'''Mary''': Yes. But it's just the way you're wired, isn't it? Isn't it?
:'''Clark''': How do I stop doing that?
:'''Mary''': Honestly. I have no fucking idea. I can't help you, Clark. As much as I tried. It's just not up to me. I can't save anyone.
:'''Clark''': I don't think I want to change.
:'''Mary''': Then don't.
:'''Clark''': I like it in here. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm... Like I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
:'''Mary''': Then stay. But let me go.
:'''Clark''': ''[Starts cutting Mary's binds]'' I'm sorry.
:'''Mary''': For what? ''[Woman figure suddenly runs into corner]''
:'''Clark''': ''[Pirate Clark monster appears in doorway]'' This is Mary. She's our therapist. She was just leaving. You don't have to worry. She says we don't need to change. ''[Pirate Clark monster picks up Clark]'' It's okay. It's just the way we're wired. ''[Pirate Clark monster bites down on Clark's neck/shoulder who screams in anguish]'' No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
[[File:AI (Artificial Intelligence) Dog.jpg|thumb|It’s like describing a dog to someone who has never seen a dog, and then asking them to draw it.]]
:'''Phil''': ''[enters interview room]'' Hello, I'm Phil. And you're Mary, yeah? ''[Sits at opposite end of table facing Mary]'' I was hoping to ask you a few questions for some clarification on our end, if that's okay. First thing, could you establish how you got in here?
:'''Mary''': I walked through a wall. In the basement of a furniture store.
:'''Phil''': ''[Holds up photo of Cap'n Clark's store front]'' Can you confirm that this is the location in question? Okay, good. So you were shopping, or...
:'''Mary''': I was looking for someone.
:'''Phil''': ''[Holds up photo of Clark with Captain Clark monster blotted out]'' Were you looking for this man? Right here?
:'''Mary''': Where am I right now?
:'''Phil''': Could you just confirm for me? ''[Points to photo of Clark again]'' Is this man right here? Here, the man you were looking for. 
:'''Mary''': Please. Sorry, what was your name?
:'''Phil''': Phil. 
:'''Mary''': Please, Phil. Where am I?
:'''Phil''': I'm not... I make, um... sorry, my... our company... ''[slides ASYNC pamphlet across table]'' we make [[w:Magnetic resonance imaging|MRI machines]]. Or, I should say, um... We used to make MRI machines. Not anymore. That was before we... before... we found...
:'''Mary''': You've been there?
:'''Phil''': ''[Turns to tinted window and then back to Mary]'' Yes, I have. And now, it's my job. Every day, I go in there. And I just try to... Try to find out even a little bit more. I map out areas to the best of my ability. And more and more, I'm convinced... that nothing in our lifetime... Mary... nothing in maybe all of recorded history... means more... than this.
:'''Mary''': But I don't understand it.
:'''Phil''': I don't... I can't even describe it. It... 
:'''Mary''': It's like describing a dog to someone Who's never seen a dog. And then asking them to try draw it. Now you want me to... describe it. And then... You'll write it down, and then what?
:'''Phil''': Mary... 
:'''Mary''': You'll let me go?
:'''Phil''': We all want the same thing here. We do. We just... want to find out even a little bit... more.
:'''Mary''': What's gonna happen to me, Phil?
:'''Phil''': That decision's not up to me. So... If we could just... talk. Just you and me. You know? Just like... Just like two regular people. We could unpack... some of this. We've both been in there. And... and... and... and get on the same page. There are... doors... opening... everywhere. We don't know why... or... what's connecting them. They just sort of keep happening and we don't want to stop them. :''[A backrooms montage of Mary's childhood moments and aesthetics, career book launches, poles of Kat and Bobby missing posters and their motel residence, and contemporary urban landscapes follows with a backroomsised catatonic Mary-esque figure in a room]''

== Taglines ==
* Everything must go.
* You are not supposed to be here.
* If you're not careful.
* See how far it goes.
* The more you look, the more you find.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Chiwetel Ejiofor|Chiwetel Ejiofor]] – Clark
* [[w:Renate Reinsve|Renate Reinsve]] – Dr. Mary Kline
* [[w:Mark Duplass|Mark Duplass]] – Phil
* [[w:Finn Bennett|Finn Bennett]] – Bobby
* [[w:Lukita Maxwell|Lukita Maxwell]] – Kat
* [[w:Avan Jogia|Avan Jogia]] – Naren Warne
* [[w:Robert Bobroczkyi|Robert Bobroczkyi]] – Pirate Clark
* [[w:Krista Kosonen|Krista Kosonen]] – Nora Kline

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Backrooms (film)}}
{{commonscat|Backrooms}} 
* {{Official website|https://a24films.com/films/backrooms|''Backrooms''}} at [https://a24films.com/ A24 Films]
* {{IMDb title|26657236}}
{{authority control}}

[[Category:2026 American films]]
[[Category:Supernatural horror films]]
[[Category:Psychological horror films]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Films about parallel universes]]
[[Category:Films about divorce]]
[[Category:Films based on web series]]
[[Category:Films set in stores]]
[[Category:Films about monsters]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Louis Julius Lindauer</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>308865</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963226</id>
      <parentid>3958320</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T21:57:06Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
        <id>1187925</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>External links</comment>
      <origin>3963226</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1720" sha1="0hxucs4b5ofd8ehyinbyn8uv8d0u31w" xml:space="preserve">'''Louis Julius Lindauer (1838-1915)''' was a member of the [[d:Q87842790|Lindauer criminal organization]]. He had his jobs listed as &quot;exchange&quot; and &quot;broker&quot; and operating a liquor store and a cigar store with his brothers in Manhattan and Jersey City and Hoboken. Together with his brothers they operated an illegal lottery. He was arrested and later received a Presidential Pardon by Ulysses S. Grant. Louis died of locomotor ataxia in 1915 at age 76. (b. August 1838; Pennsylvania, USA - d. January 19, 1915; 604 West 115th Street, Manhattan, New York City, New York County, New York, USA)

==Quotes about Lindauer==
*Louis Lindauer was convicted of dealing in lottery tickets before paying the special tax prescribed by law, and sentenced to be imprisoned for six months. And whereas numerous citizens of New York represent that his previous character was unstained, that he erred unintentionally, that he is a young man with a wife and family dependent on him for support and that they think that he has already been sufficiently punished to be pardoned.
** [[Ulysses S. Grant]] pardons Louis Julius Lindauer for operating an illegal lottery, {{cite news
| title =  Presidential Pardon of Louis Lindauer by Ulysses S. Grant on June 20, 1870
| work =  [[wikidata:Q3118325|Presidential pardon]]
| url =  https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Presidential_Pardon_of_Louis_Julius_Lindauer_by_Ulysses_S._Grant_on_20_June_1870
| date = June 20, 1870
| author =  
}}

== External links ==
{{Wikisource portal}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Lindauer, Louis Julius}}
[[Category:Businesspeople from the United States]]
[[Category:People charged with crimes]]
[[Category:1838 births]]
[[Category:1915 deaths]]
[[Category:People from Pennsylvania]]</text>
      <sha1>0hxucs4b5ofd8ehyinbyn8uv8d0u31w</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963233</id>
      <parentid>3963226</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T22:26:11Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Richard Arthur Norton (1958- )</username>
        <id>15670</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3963233</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1719" sha1="jh9h9isoi7aeg0fbw4gw3robx6dh9mf" xml:space="preserve">'''Louis Julius Lindauer (1838-1915)''' was a member of the [[d:Q87842790|Lindauer criminal organization]]. He had his jobs listed as &quot;exchange&quot; and &quot;broker&quot; and operated a liquor store and a cigar store with his brothers in Manhattan and Jersey City and Hoboken. Together with his brothers they operated an illegal lottery. He was arrested and later received a Presidential Pardon by Ulysses S. Grant. Louis died of locomotor ataxia in 1915 at age 76. (b. August 1838; Pennsylvania, USA - d. January 19, 1915; 604 West 115th Street, Manhattan, New York City, New York County, New York, USA)

==Quotes about Lindauer==
*Louis Lindauer was convicted of dealing in lottery tickets before paying the special tax prescribed by law, and sentenced to be imprisoned for six months. And whereas numerous citizens of New York represent that his previous character was unstained, that he erred unintentionally, that he is a young man with a wife and family dependent on him for support and that they think that he has already been sufficiently punished to be pardoned.
** [[Ulysses S. Grant]] pardons Louis Julius Lindauer for operating an illegal lottery, {{cite news
| title =  Presidential Pardon of Louis Lindauer by Ulysses S. Grant on June 20, 1870
| work =  [[wikidata:Q3118325|Presidential pardon]]
| url =  https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Presidential_Pardon_of_Louis_Julius_Lindauer_by_Ulysses_S._Grant_on_20_June_1870
| date = June 20, 1870
| author =  
}}

== External links ==
{{Wikisource portal}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Lindauer, Louis Julius}}
[[Category:Businesspeople from the United States]]
[[Category:People charged with crimes]]
[[Category:1838 births]]
[[Category:1915 deaths]]
[[Category:People from Pennsylvania]]</text>
      <sha1>jh9h9isoi7aeg0fbw4gw3robx6dh9mf</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Gaspar del Bufalo</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>308978</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963230</id>
      <parentid>3958932</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T22:03:26Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
        <id>1187925</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>cleanup</comment>
      <origin>3963230</origin>
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      <text bytes="3076" sha1="4zqwr4wbsjap1uxw00q2szdwj50rgwf" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Gaspar1.jpg|thumb|Gaspar del Bufalo]]

'''[[w:Gaspar del Bufalo|Gaspar Melchior Balthazar del Bufalo]]''', CPPS ([[January 6]], [[1786]] – [[December 28]], [[1837]]), also known as '''Gaspare del Bufalo''', was a [[w:Priesthood in the Catholic Church|Catholic priest]] and the founder of the [[w:Missionaries of the Precious Blood|Missionaries of the Precious Blood]]. [[w:Canonization|Canonised]] as a saint in 1954, he is liturgically commemorated on [[October 21]].

==Quotes==
*From your open side, [[Ark of the Covenant|ark]] of [[salvation]], furnace of [[charity]], came blood and water, a sign of the sacraments and tenderness of your love, O [[Christ]], who loved us and washed us in your blood!
:*From the Prayer to Most Precious Blood of Jesus, quoted in ''[https://www.vaticannews.va/it/santo-del-giorno/10/21/san-gaspare-del-bufalo--sacerdote--fondatore-dei-missionari-del-.html San Gaspare del Bufalo, sacerdote, fondatore dei Missionari del Preziosissimo Sangue]'', ''vaticannews.va''.

*O blood of Jesus Christ, balm of our souls, source of mercy, let my tongue, purple with blood in the daily celebration of Mass, bless you now and always.
:*From the Prayer to Most Precious Blood of Jesus, quoted in ''[https://www.vaticannews.va/it/santo-del-giorno/10/21/san-gaspare-del-bufalo--sacerdote--fondatore-dei-missionari-del-.html San Gaspare del Bufalo, sacerdote, fondatore dei Missionari del Preziosissimo Sangue]'', ''vaticannews.va''.

*(Refusing to swear to the [[w:Napoleon|Napoleonic regime]]) I must not, I cannot, I do not want to.
:*Quoted in ''[https://www.causesanti.va/it/santi-e-beati/gaspare-del-bufalo.html Gaspare Del Bufalo (1786-1837)]'', ''causesanti.va''.

==Quotes about==
**He travels through almost all the regions of central Italy, bringing from all over, with the example of his piety, his humility, his charity, reconciliation and peace, the relief of bodily and above all spiritual miseries. At the same time he gave wise Rules to the Institute, and exclaiming: Paradise, paradise! he avoided any offer of ecclesiastical dignity, wishing to remain until his death «on stage», that is, in the field of sacred preaching, confident as he was that in this way he would receive the eternal prize more easily and without delay. And the Lord accepted his prayer that death should come upon him in the midst of the labors of the apostolate; and he left his children a wonderful model of a heroic zeal that generously slanders itself for the greatest good of souls.
:*[[Pope Pius XII]], from the speech held on occasion of the [https://www.vatican.va/content/pius-xii/it/speeches/1954/documents/hf_p-xii_spe_19540612_canonizzazione.html Canonizaton of Pietro Chanel, Gaspare Del Bufalo, Giuseppe Pignatelli, Domenico Savio and Maria Crocifissa Di Rosa], ''vatican.va'', Rome, (June 12, 1954).

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT|del Bufalo, Gaspare}}
[[Category:1786 births]]
[[Category:1837 deaths]]
[[Category:Roman Catholic priests]]
[[Category:Catholic saints]]
[[Category:Religious leaders]]</text>
      <sha1>4zqwr4wbsjap1uxw00q2szdwj50rgwf</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963232</id>
      <parentid>3963230</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T22:06:35Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
        <id>1187925</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <origin>3963232</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3095" sha1="5sf9f1eltwtkiq0o2jvlj72kg23os47" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Gaspar1.jpg|thumb|Gaspar del Bufalo]]

'''[[w:Gaspar del Bufalo|Gaspar Melchior Balthazar del Bufalo]]''', CPPS ([[January 6]], [[1786]] – [[December 28]], [[1837]]), also known as '''Gaspare del Bufalo''', was a [[w:Priesthood in the Catholic Church|Catholic priest]] and the founder of the [[w:Missionaries of the Precious Blood|Missionaries of the Precious Blood]]. [[w:Canonization|Canonised]] as a saint in 1954, he is liturgically commemorated on [[October 21]].

==Quotes==
*From your open side, [[Ark of the Covenant|ark]] of [[salvation]], furnace of [[charity]], came blood and water, a sign of the sacraments and tenderness of your love, O [[Christ]], who loved us and washed us in your blood!
:*From the Prayer to Most Precious Blood of Jesus, quoted in ''[https://www.vaticannews.va/it/santo-del-giorno/10/21/san-gaspare-del-bufalo--sacerdote--fondatore-dei-missionari-del-.html San Gaspare del Bufalo, sacerdote, fondatore dei Missionari del Preziosissimo Sangue]'', ''vaticannews.va''.

*O blood of Jesus Christ, balm of our souls, source of mercy, let my tongue, purple with blood in the daily celebration of Mass, bless you now and always.
:*From the Prayer to Most Precious Blood of Jesus, quoted in ''[https://www.vaticannews.va/it/santo-del-giorno/10/21/san-gaspare-del-bufalo--sacerdote--fondatore-dei-missionari-del-.html San Gaspare del Bufalo, sacerdote, fondatore dei Missionari del Preziosissimo Sangue]'', ''vaticannews.va''.

*(Refusing to swear to the [[w:Napoleon|Napoleonic regime]]) I must not, I cannot, I do not want to.
:*Quoted in ''[https://www.causesanti.va/it/santi-e-beati/gaspare-del-bufalo.html Gaspare Del Bufalo (1786-1837)]'', ''causesanti.va''.

==Quotes about==
**He travels through almost all the regions of central Italy, bringing from all over, with the example of his piety, his humility, his charity, reconciliation and peace, the relief of bodily and above all spiritual miseries. At the same time he gave wise Rules to the Institute, and exclaiming: Paradise, paradise! he avoided any offer of ecclesiastical dignity, wishing to remain until his death «on stage», that is, in the field of sacred preaching, confident as he was that in this way he would receive the eternal prize more easily and without delay. And the Lord accepted his prayer that death should come upon him in the midst of the labors of the apostolate; and he left his children a wonderful model of a heroic zeal that generously slanders itself for the greatest good of souls.
:*[[Pope Pius XII]], from the speech held on occasion of the [https://www.vatican.va/content/pius-xii/it/speeches/1954/documents/hf_p-xii_spe_19540612_canonizzazione.html Canonizaton of Pietro Chanel, Gaspare Del Bufalo, Giuseppe Pignatelli, Domenico Savio and Maria Crocifissa Di Rosa], ''vatican.va'', Rome, (June 12, 1954).

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
*{{Commonscat-inline|Gaspare del Bufalo}}

{{DEFAULTSORT|del Bufalo, Gaspare}}
[[Category:1786 births]]
[[Category:1837 deaths]]
[[Category:Roman Catholic priests]]
[[Category:Catholic saints]]
[[Category:Religious leaders]]</text>
      <sha1>5sf9f1eltwtkiq0o2jvlj72kg23os47</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Praiz</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>308990</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963080</id>
      <parentid>3962323</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T12:13:24Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>MissMooooo</username>
        <id>3168272</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Undid revision [[Special:Diff/3962323|3962323]] by [[Special:Contributions/Boihassany|Boihassany]] ([[User talk:Boihassany|talk]])</comment>
      <origin>3963080</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="776" sha1="q3xs6p5fscdl9iip2ytgorr3wr1tzax" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Praiz|Praise Ugbede Adejo]]''' (born 8 March 1985), better known by his stage name '''Praiz''', is a Nigerian R&amp;B singer, songwriter, and producer. Praiz finished second runner-up at the maiden season of Project Fame West Africa. He is best known for releasing singles &quot;Rich and Famous&quot;, &quot;Sisi&quot; and &quot;I Love You&quot;. 

==Quotes==
* Some intros on songs deserve awards of their own.
** [https://x.com/praiz8/status/2048394969019216002?s=46]
* Hustle because nothing will happen to the people that didn’t help you.
** [https://x.com/praiz8/status/2048095647849386449?s=46]

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:Singers from Nigeria]]
[[Category:Songwriters from Nigeria]]
[[Category:Music producers from Nigeria]]
[[Category:1985 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
      <sha1>q3xs6p5fscdl9iip2ytgorr3wr1tzax</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Adhir Kalyan</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>309191</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963190</id>
      <parentid>3960063</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T19:51:46Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
        <id>1187925</id>
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      <comment>cleanup</comment>
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      <text bytes="1382" sha1="s70b8y3kaux53sohtxgb2n31pp81yjk" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Adhir Kalyan on RealTVfilms.jpg|thumb]]
'''{{W|Adhir Kalyan}}''' is a South African actor noted for his role as Timmy in the CBS sitcom Rules of Engagement and as Awalmir Karimi/'Al' in United States of Al.

== Quotes ==
*A lot of times you get an assistant on set or a script supervisor who will read the other side. However, he came in and … from start to finish, he read the conversation. I thought that was very generous of him.”
**[https://staytunedmag.com/tv-news/2009/07/02/adhir-kalyan-discusses-paul-blart-and-his-unordinary-obsession-with-jennifer-beals/]
*I got on the set and one of the assistant directors came up to me and said, ‘Did you receive the revised script? There were some rewrites.’ And there was that moment’s pause, then [I said], ‘No I didn’t actually. Maybe someone could hand that over to me?'”
**[https://staytunedmag.com/tv-news/2009/07/02/adhir-kalyan-discusses-paul-blart-and-his-unordinary-obsession-with-jennifer-beals/]
*There were a few scenes that didn’t make the cut, I think in part because of editorial reasons and in part because they decided to go with a PG rating
**[https://staytunedmag.com/tv-news/2009/07/02/adhir-kalyan-discusses-paul-blart-and-his-unordinary-obsession-with-jennifer-beals/]

== External link ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb name|2290876}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Kalyan, Adhir}}

[[Category:Living people]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Josh Kempen</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>309192</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963189</id>
      <parentid>3960074</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T19:50:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
        <id>1187925</id>
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      <comment>cleanup</comment>
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      <text bytes="1810" sha1="copdzeonws306y3n3gih7pdxpghy4ri" xml:space="preserve">'''{{W|Josh Kempen}}''' (born 3 November 1988) is a South African and Australian singer-songwriter, actor and model. In 2018, his album, The Morning Show, was nominated for a South African Music Award for Best Alternative Album.

== Quotes ==
*I also love earlier rock n roll when It was still quite tame and naïve and I think I capture that with a couple of my songs. Whatever I do, it’s important to me that there’s an edge to it, and that it’s in some way surprising. I think that’s the fastest way to get peoples attention and move them.”
**[https://www.theflow.co.za/josh-kempen-on-onesight-acoustics-and-his-love-of-naive-rock-n-roll/]

*I’ve only lately found myself playing later time slots – the sort of ‘party’ slots where people are ready to move and make noise and I really love it.”
**[https://www.theflow.co.za/josh-kempen-on-onesight-acoustics-and-his-love-of-naive-rock-n-roll/]

*I’m really just interested in a lot of sounds, so I’ve always been quite eclectic with my music. I also just don’t like the idea of playing the same sort of songs again and again. So I switch back and forth [between styles], but either way I hope there’s progress!”
**[https://www.theflow.co.za/josh-kempen-on-onesight-acoustics-and-his-love-of-naive-rock-n-roll/]

*I’ve been thinking pretty hard about how pursuing music can serve people because sometimes it feels quite selfish, but I’m still searching and I know deep down that this is what I need to be doing, and it’s why I’ll keep doing it for a long time, maybe forever.”
**[https://www.theflow.co.za/josh-kempen-on-onesight-acoustics-and-his-love-of-naive-rock-n-roll/]

== External link ==
{{Wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb name|id=6288802}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Kempen, Josh}}

[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:1988 births]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Assorted anime and manga pages</title>
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      <timestamp>2026-07-11T06:41:34Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Saroj</username>
        <id>2925457</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Closed as delete</comment>
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      <text bytes="2740" sha1="as2vd12yfxmekw4uor4trbqczqh82ew" xml:space="preserve">&lt;div class=&quot;boilerplate metadata vfd&quot; style=&quot;background-color: #F3F9FF;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122); margin: 2em 0 0 0; padding: 0 10px 0 10px; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA;&quot;&gt;[[Category:VfD archive entries|{{SUBPAGENAME}}]]
:''The following discussion is an archived debate of the proposed deletion of the article below. &lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;'''Please do not modify it.'''&lt;/span&gt;  Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as the article's talk page or in a [[Wikiquote:Deletion review|deletion review]]).  No further edits should be made to this page.'' &lt;!--Template:Vfd top

Note:  If you are seeing this page as a result of an attempt to re-nominate a page for deletion, you must manually edit the VfD nomination links in order to create a new discussion page using the name format of [[Wikiquote:Articles for deletion/PAGENAME (2nd nomination)]].  When you create the new discussion page, please provide a link to this old discussion in your nomination. --&gt;

The result was: '''delete. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 06:41, 11 July 2026 (UTC)'''.
== Assorted anime and manga pages ==
*[[Chainsaw Man]]
*[[My Hero Academia]]
*[[Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba]]

I'm placing all three under VFD for '''quotability''': all three only have about four or five character specific quotes, and I wouldn't say they're all that quotable. — [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 00:59, 4 July 2026 (UTC)
&lt;small&gt;'''Vote closes''': 01:00, 11 July 2026 (UTC)&lt;/small&gt;

* '''Delete''', nom. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 13:58, 4 July 2026 (UTC)
:: '''Comment''': An IP address is actively removing the VFD from one of these pages (My Hero Academia). Action MUST be taken. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 17:21, 4 July 2026 (UTC)

* '''Delete''', quotability. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:32, 5 July 2026 (UTC)

:I feel like there ''are'' probably quotable quotes from at least one of these. Nevertheless, none of the quotes here are currently, so '''delete'''. [[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] ([[User talk:PARAKANYAA|talk]]) 18:23, 6 July 2026 (UTC)
:''The above discussion is preserved as an archive of the debate.  &lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;'''Please do not modify it.'''&lt;/span&gt; Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as the article's talk page or in a [[Wikiquote:Deletion review|deletion review]]). No further edits should be made to this page.'' &lt;/div&gt; &lt;!--Template:Vfd bottom--&gt;  &lt;!-- NOTE: orphaned DIV closure is intentional, to match orphaned DIV opening in [[Template:Vfd top]] --&gt;</text>
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    <title>Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Caillou pages</title>
    <ns>4</ns>
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      <parentid>3961786</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-11T06:43:47Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Saroj</username>
        <id>2925457</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Caillou pages */ Closed as delete</comment>
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      <text bytes="4985" sha1="ny2jd5w20vbyg95qloib27xef3jwesb" xml:space="preserve">&lt;div class=&quot;boilerplate metadata vfd&quot; style=&quot;background-color: #F3F9FF;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122); margin: 2em 0 0 0; padding: 0 10px 0 10px; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA;&quot;&gt;[[Category:VfD archive entries|{{SUBPAGENAME}}]]
:''The following discussion is an archived debate of the proposed deletion of the article below. &lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;'''Please do not modify it.'''&lt;/span&gt;  Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as the article's talk page or in a [[Wikiquote:Deletion review|deletion review]]).  No further edits should be made to this page.'' &lt;!--Template:Vfd top

Note:  If you are seeing this page as a result of an attempt to re-nominate a page for deletion, you must manually edit the VfD nomination links in order to create a new discussion page using the name format of [[Wikiquote:Articles for deletion/PAGENAME (2nd nomination)]].  When you create the new discussion page, please provide a link to this old discussion in your nomination. --&gt;

The result was: '''delete. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 06:43, 11 July 2026 (UTC)'''.
== Caillou pages ==
*[[Caillou]]
*[[Caillou (Season 1)]]

While the subject *is* certainly notable (having Wikipedia pages dedicated to the main series and an episode list), I wouldn't say this show is quotable enough for the site. In particular, the Season 1 page has such '''''ridiculous''''' padding (to quote one of the actions described in the latter page, &quot;violently, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily growling, with his eyes close, very tightly, and his mouth close, and badly, fiercely, stubbornly, angrily, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently throwing, and slamming his nearby toy car down on the floor away, when violently, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, angrily, stubbornly, terribly, and indignantly causing it to violently, fiercely, badly, completely, and terribly ruin, damage, wreck, break, destroy, and smash into hundreds of pieces on purpose, and then indignantly, badly, loudly, sadly, fiercely, stubbornly, rudely, violently, and angrily screaming, shrieking, and crying, and bursting, and breaking down with tears coming out of his eyes, and while violently, angrily, badly, indignantly, loudly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, rudely, and stubbornly outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, disgraceful, gigantic, huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and badly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, stubbornly, violently, rudely, indignantly, and angrily feeling very bad, violent, cruel, hurtful, and too inappropriate of what he will missed the circus, for today, and unfinished brushing his teeth, while temperately heedless of how he had hurt feelings, and violently, angrily, badly, indignantly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, rudely, and stubbornly causing too much trouble, and violently, fiercely, terribly, sadly, badly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily having his really bad, too inappropriate, hurtful, dangerous, and violent misbehavior, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, violently, and angrily hurting, pounding, and banging his arms, and fists, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, angrily, and violently hurting, and kicking his legs, and feet against on the floor, over his completely ruined, damaged, wrecked, broken, destroyed, and smashed nearby toy car, and not going to the circus today, and denies, and won't wait until tomorrow&quot;)-- note the CONSTANT repeating of angry descriptions.— [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 13:52, 4 July 2026 (UTC)
&lt;small&gt;'''Vote closes''': 14:00, 11 July 2026 (UTC)&lt;/small&gt;

* '''Delete''', nom. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 13:59, 4 July 2026 (UTC)
* '''Delete''' Absurd. Start over. ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 15:44, 4 July 2026 (UTC)

* '''Delete''' insanity. [[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] ([[User talk:PARAKANYAA|talk]]) 19:04, 4 July 2026 (UTC)
* '''Delete''', insanity covers it nicely. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:33, 5 July 2026 (UTC)
*'''Delete''', seems like vandalism IMO. [[User:Ternera|Ternera]] ([[User talk:Ternera|talk]]) 14:14, 7 July 2026 (UTC)
:''The above discussion is preserved as an archive of the debate.  &lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;'''Please do not modify it.'''&lt;/span&gt; Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as the article's talk page or in a [[Wikiquote:Deletion review|deletion review]]). No further edits should be made to this page.'' &lt;/div&gt; &lt;!--Template:Vfd bottom--&gt;  &lt;!-- NOTE: orphaned DIV closure is intentional, to match orphaned DIV opening in [[Template:Vfd top]] --&gt;</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Sofya Kovalevskaya</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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        <id>1187925</id>
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      <text bytes="1545" sha1="0y0gwqqa01tuu1vfnll85evkcicw78c" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Sofia Kovalevskaya.jpg|thumb|Sof'ja Vasil'evna Kovalevskaja]]

'''[[w:Sofia Kovalevskaya|Sofia Vasilyevna Kovalevskaya]]''' (born '''Korvin-Krukovskaya'''; 15 January 1850 – 10 February 1891) was a Russian [[w:mathematician|mathematician]] who made noteworthy contributions to [[w:Mathematical analysis|analysis]], [[w:partial differential equation]]s and [[w:meccanica|mechanics]]. She was a pioneer of [[w:timeline of women in mathematics#Timeline|equality for women in mathematics]]. 

==Quotes==
*It is impossible to be a mathematician without being a poet of the [[soul]].
:*Quoted in AA.VV., ''Il libro della matematica'', traduzione di Roberto Sorgo, Gribaudo, Milano, 2020, p. 14. ISBN 978-88-580-2585-7 (in Italiano).

==Quotes about==
* ''... es ist wahr, ein Mathematiker, der nicht etwas Poet ist, wird nimmer ein vollkommener Mathematiker sein.''
** '''... it is true that a mathematician who is not somewhat of a poet, will never be a perfect mathematician.'''
*** [[Karl Weierstrass]], letter to Sofia Kovalevskaya, August 27, 1883, as shared by [[w:Gösta Mittag-Leffler|Gösta Mittag-Leffler]] at the 2nd International Congress for Mathematicians in Paris. ''Compte rendu du deuxième Congrès international des mathematiciens tenu à Paris du 6 au 12 août 1900'', Gauthier-Villars (Paris), 1902, page 149.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Wikisource author}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}

[[Category:1850 births]]
[[Category:1891 deaths]]
[[Category: Mathematicians from Russia]]
[[Category:Women academics from Russia]]</text>
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    <title>Nathaniel Lord Britton</title>
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      <text bytes="6813" sha1="4286fn7ka1iy4jo8ykdnj9lfhkbtb8k" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Nathaniel Lord Britton}}''' (January 15, 1859 – June 25, 1934) was an American {{w|botanist}}, {{w|taxonomist}}, and one of the co-founders of the {{w|New York Botanical Garden}}. Noteworthy for his botanical research in the {{w|West Indies}}, he was elected a Member in 1914 of the U.S. {{w|National Academy of Sciences}}, a Fellow in 1925 of the {{w|American Academy of Arts and Sciences}}, and a Member in 1928 of the {{w|American Philosophical Society}}.

==Quotes==
* The cultivation of [[plants]] within small areas for their healing qualities by the {{w|monk}}s of the [[middle ages]] appears to have been the beginning of the modern {[w|botanical garden}}, although these mediæval gardens doubtless took their origin from others of greater antiquity. Botanical gardens were thus primarily formed for purely utilitarian purposes, although the æsthetic study of planting and of [[flowers]] must doubtless have appealed to their owners and visitors. Their function as aids in scientific teaching and research, the one which at present furnishes the dominating reason for their existence, did not develop much, if at all, before the 16th century, and prior to the middle of the 17th century a considerable number existed in Europe, in which the function was recognized to a greater or less degree, of which those at {{w|Orto Botanico dell'Università di Bologna|Bologna}}, {{w|Jardin des plantes de Montepellier|Montpellier}},  {{w|Hortus Botanicus Leiden|Leyden}}, {{w|Jardin des Plantes|Paris}} and {{w|Botanical Garden of Uppsala University|Upsala}} were, perhaps, the most noteworthy. The ornamental and decorative taste for planting had meanwhile been slowly gaining ground, as well as the desire to cultivate rare or unusual species, and during the 18th century gained a high degree of development. Many persons of wealth and influence fostered this taste and became, through the employment of men skilled in [[botany]] and {{w|horticulture}}, generous patrons of [[science]].
** {{cite journal|title=Botanical Gardens. Origin and Development.|date=4 September 1896|volume=4|issue=88|pages=284–293|doi=10.1126/science.4.88.284|url=https://www.science.org/doi/abs/10.1126/science.4.88.284}}

* The ancients knew and described [[plants]] by generic names. Their knowledge of them was general and superficial. According to {{w|Michel Adanson|Adanson}}, ... {{w|Conrad Gesner}}, 1559, was the first to indicate the distinction of plants into {{w|genus|genera}} and [[species]], although this advance in also claimed for {{w|Fabio Colonna|Columna}}. Subsequent authors in general, for about a century, arranged species of plants under generic names, but without definite rules for the limitations of genera. {{w|Robert Morison|Morison}} (1655), [[John Ray|Ray]] (1682), and {{w|Joseph Pitton de Tournefort|Tournefort}} (1694), defined genera with reference to their [[fruit]]s and were followed by [[Carl Linnaeus|Linnæaus]].
** {{cite journal|title=The taxonomic aspect of the species question|year=1908|journal=The American Naturalist|volume=42|issue=496|pages=225–242|doi=10.1086/278927}}

* {{w|Botanical garden}}s are important factors in public education, and are, at the same time, places for public recreation and enjoyment. They are highly specialized parks in which the plantations are formed and arranged primarily with regard to botanical facts and theories. Inasmuch as the great majority of their visitors have little time to spend, the information they carry away is more generally by impression than by closer observation, although individual [[plants]] and groups of plants will often be remembered by casual visitors for long periods of time. Botanical gardens are, therefore, in effect museums of living plants, and the plants, suitably labeled, are installed to illustrate not only the objects themselves, but their relation to other objects. This museum feature is then a direct and immediate function in imparting information to the public.
** {{cite journal|title=Relations of Botanical Gardens to the Public|date=29 April 1910|volume=31|issue=800|pages=641–644|doi=10.1126/science.31.800.641|url=https://www.science.org/doi/abs/10.1126/science.31.800.641}}

* The {{w|Ecology of Bermuda#Plants|native plants of Bermuda}} have originated from [[seed]]s or other parts brought from the {{w|Americas|American mainland}} or the {{w|West Indies}} by the natural [[:wiktionary:agency|agencies]] of [[wind]], {{w|ocean current}}s and [[birds]]. About 80 per cent. of the native land plants inhabit the West Indies or {{w|South Florida|southern Florida}} or both. About 8.7 per cent. of the total native flora is endemic, there being 61 species in [[Bermuda]] or its waters not known to grow naturally anywhere else in the world. These plants are of the greatest interest to naturalists, as they presumably developed in Bermuda from related plants formerly existing but now mostly extinct here; some of them may yet be found elsewhere as botanical exploration proceeds. 
** {{cite book|chapter=Introduction|title=Flora of Bermuda|location=New York|publisher=Charles Scribner's Sons, 1918|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=TarPAAAAMAAJ&amp;pg=PR7|pages=v–xi}} (quote from p. vii; 585 pages)

==Quotes about Nathaniel Lord Britton==
* His ''magnum opus'', prepared in association with {{w|Joseph Nelson Rose|J. N. Rose}}, is the “{{w|The Cactaceae}}”, a four volume, copiously illustrated monograph of this most difficult plant family, published by the {{w|Carnegie Institution for Science|Carnegie Institution of Washington}}, 1919-23. In this work 124 genera and about 1,237 species of this perplexing family are described. No matter what future botanists may attempt or achieve in their consideration of this great family of plants, this Britton and Rose monograph forms a datum plane from which all future work must proceed.
** {{w|Elmer Drew Merrill}}, {{cite journal|title=Biographical Memoir of Nathaniel Lord Britton|journal=Biographical Memoirs of the U.S. National Academy of Memoirs|year=1938|volume=XIX|pages=147–202|url=http://biographicalmemoirs.org/pdfs/britton-nathaniel-l.pdf}}} (quote from p. 150; bibliography by {{w|John Hendley Barnhart}})

==External links==
{{Wikisource author}}
{{Commonscat}}
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{Wikispecies-inline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Britton, Nathaniel Lord}}
[[Category:1859 births]]
[[Category:1934 deaths]]
[[Category:Academics from the United States]]
[[Category:Botanists from the United States]]
[[Category:Columbia University alumni]]
[[Category:Columbia University faculty]]
[[Category:Fellows of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences]]
[[Category:Members of the United States National Academy of Sciences]]
[[Category:Members of the American Philosophical Society]]
[[Category:Scientists from New York City]]</text>
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'''{{w|Nathaniel Lord Britton}}''' (January 15, 1859 – June 25, 1934) was an American {{w|botanist}}, {{w|taxonomist}}, and one of the co-founders of the {{w|New York Botanical Garden}}. Noteworthy for his botanical research in the {{w|West Indies}}, he was elected a Member in 1914 of the U.S. {{w|National Academy of Sciences}}, a Fellow in 1925 of the {{w|American Academy of Arts and Sciences}}, and a Member in 1928 of the {{w|American Philosophical Society}}.

==Quotes==
* The cultivation of [[plants]] within small areas for their healing qualities by the {{w|monk}}s of the [[middle ages]] appears to have been the beginning of the modern {[w|botanical garden}}, although these mediæval gardens doubtless took their origin from others of greater antiquity. Botanical gardens were thus primarily formed for purely utilitarian purposes, although the æsthetic study of planting and of [[flowers]] must doubtless have appealed to their owners and visitors. Their function as aids in scientific teaching and research, the one which at present furnishes the dominating reason for their existence, did not develop much, if at all, before the 16th century, and prior to the middle of the 17th century a considerable number existed in Europe, in which the function was recognized to a greater or less degree, of which those at {{w|Orto Botanico dell'Università di Bologna|Bologna}}, {{w|Jardin des plantes de Montepellier|Montpellier}},  {{w|Hortus Botanicus Leiden|Leyden}}, {{w|Jardin des Plantes|Paris}} and {{w|Botanical Garden of Uppsala University|Upsala}} were, perhaps, the most noteworthy. The ornamental and decorative taste for planting had meanwhile been slowly gaining ground, as well as the desire to cultivate rare or unusual species, and during the 18th century gained a high degree of development. Many persons of wealth and influence fostered this taste and became, through the employment of men skilled in [[botany]] and {{w|horticulture}}, generous patrons of [[science]].
** {{cite journal|title=Botanical Gardens. Origin and Development.|date=4 September 1896|volume=4|issue=88|pages=284–293|doi=10.1126/science.4.88.284|url=https://www.science.org/doi/abs/10.1126/science.4.88.284}}

* The ancients knew and described [[plants]] by generic names. Their knowledge of them was general and superficial. According to {{w|Michel Adanson|Adanson}}, ... {{w|Conrad Gesner}}, 1559, was the first to indicate the distinction of plants into {{w|genus|genera}} and [[species]], although this advance in also claimed for {{w|Fabio Colonna|Columna}}. Subsequent authors in general, for about a century, arranged species of plants under generic names, but without definite rules for the limitations of genera. {{w|Robert Morison|Morison}} (1655), [[John Ray|Ray]] (1682), and {{w|Joseph Pitton de Tournefort|Tournefort}} (1694), defined genera with reference to their [[fruit]]s and were followed by [[Carl Linnaeus|Linnæaus]].
** {{cite journal|title=The taxonomic aspect of the species question|year=1908|journal=The American Naturalist|volume=42|issue=496|pages=225–242|doi=10.1086/278927}}

* {{w|Botanical garden}}s are important factors in public education, and are, at the same time, places for public recreation and enjoyment. They are highly specialized parks in which the plantations are formed and arranged primarily with regard to botanical facts and theories. Inasmuch as the great majority of their visitors have little time to spend, the information they carry away is more generally by impression than by closer observation, although individual [[plants]] and groups of plants will often be remembered by casual visitors for long periods of time. Botanical gardens are, therefore, in effect museums of living plants, and the plants, suitably labeled, are installed to illustrate not only the objects themselves, but their relation to other objects. This museum feature is then a direct and immediate function in imparting information to the public.
** {{cite journal|title=Relations of Botanical Gardens to the Public|date=29 April 1910|volume=31|issue=800|pages=641–644|doi=10.1126/science.31.800.641|url=https://www.science.org/doi/abs/10.1126/science.31.800.641}}

* The {{w|Ecology of Bermuda#Plants|native plants of Bermuda}} have originated from [[seed]]s or other parts brought from the {{w|Americas|American mainland}} or the {{w|West Indies}} by the natural [[:wiktionary:agency|agencies]] of [[wind]], {{w|ocean current}}s and [[birds]]. About 80 per cent. of the native land plants inhabit the West Indies or {{w|South Florida|southern Florida}} or both. About 8.7 per cent. of the total native flora is endemic, there being 61 species in [[Bermuda]] or its waters not known to grow naturally anywhere else in the world. These plants are of the greatest interest to naturalists, as they presumably developed in Bermuda from related plants formerly existing but now mostly extinct here; some of them may yet be found elsewhere as botanical exploration proceeds. 
** {{cite book|chapter=Introduction|title=Flora of Bermuda|location=New York|publisher=Charles Scribner's Sons, 1918|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=TarPAAAAMAAJ&amp;pg=PR7|pages=v–xi}} (quote from p. vii; 585 pages)

==Quotes about Nathaniel Lord Britton==
* His ''magnum opus'', prepared in association with {{w|Joseph Nelson Rose|J. N. Rose}}, is the “{{w|The Cactaceae}}”, a four volume, copiously illustrated monograph of this most difficult plant family, published by the {{w|Carnegie Institution for Science|Carnegie Institution of Washington}}, 1919-23. In this work 124 genera and about 1,237 species of this perplexing family are described. No matter what future botanists may attempt or achieve in their consideration of this great family of plants, this Britton and Rose monograph forms a datum plane from which all future work must proceed.
** {{w|Elmer Drew Merrill}}, {{cite journal|title=Biographical Memoir of Nathaniel Lord Britton|journal=Biographical Memoirs of the U.S. National Academy of Memoirs|year=1938|volume=XIX|pages=147–202|url=http://biographicalmemoirs.org/pdfs/britton-nathaniel-l.pdf}}} (quote from p. 150; bibliography by {{w|John Hendley Barnhart}})

==External links==
{{Wikisource author}}
{{Commonscat}}
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{Wikispecies-inline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Britton, Nathaniel Lord}}
[[Category:1859 births]]
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[[Category:Academics from the United States]]
[[Category:Botanists from the United States]]
[[Category:Columbia University alumni]]
[[Category:Columbia University faculty]]
[[Category:Fellows of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences]]
[[Category:Members of the United States National Academy of Sciences]]
[[Category:Members of the American Philosophical Society]]
[[Category:Scientists from New York City]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Mihajlo Pupin</title>
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      <comment>/* Quotes */ added quote from 1896 article in &quot;The Engineering Magazine&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="6812" sha1="e0xjajor18kljs6iw3oxbei77gh1bok" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Mihajlo Pupin|Mihajlo Idvorski Pupin}}''' (Михајло Идворски Пупин, ''aka'' '''Michael Pupin'''; October 4, 1858 in {{w|Idvor}} – 12 March 1935 in [[New York City]]) was a Serbian-American {{w|Electrical engineering|electrical engineer}}, prolific inventor, {{w|physicist}}, physical chemist, Serbian nationalist, philanthropist, and {{w|Pulitzer Prize}} winning autobiographer. Among his many honors, he was elected in 1905 a member of the U.S. {{w|National Academy of Sciences}} and served in 1925 as president of the {{w|American Association for the Advancement of Science}}.

{{scientist-stub}}
==Quotes==
* [[Wilhelm Röntgen|Röntgen]]'s experiments have been repeated in this country in several laboratories,—at [[Harvard University|Harvard]], [[Yale University|Yale]], {{w|Johns Hopkins University|Johns Hopkins}}, [[Princeton University|Princeton]], and in the writers's laboratory at {{w|Columbia University|Columbia}}. At the {{w|McGill University}} in {{w|Montreal}} a bullet was located in a man's leg by means of {{w|X-ray#Advances in radiology|this photography}}. Similar reports have reached us from Europe. Several {{w|hospital}}s in [[New York City|this city]] intend to put in an ouftit suitable for the production of the {{w|X-ray}}s. The {{w|surgeon}}s expect much help from this remarkable discovery, and the experimental results obtained in this country so far seem to hold out a very bright prospect.
** {{cite journal|date=March 1896|title=Professor Rӧntgen's discovery of a new radiance|journal=The Engineering Magazine|url=https://d1wqtxts1xzle7.cloudfront.net/65835777/1896.03.01._The_Engineering_Magazine_Pupin_Professor_Rontgens_discovery_of_a_new_radiance-libre.pdf?1614605948=&amp;response-content-disposition=inline%3B+filename%3DProfessor_Rntgens_discovery_of_a_new_ra.pdf&amp;Expires=1783707082&amp;Signature=Nf6dDWusmv3wQP6pXoa8bcWBcgG2ZN-24B4DPL0wYe~ZrNIJxxDez9QlnPhEm9Z7P-ExFvUerKYQ1a0PWvxFSqXjpMD2cTECCmPApSRBZ1vaOGuEQgSYxM697rAtutvwh35pswk2gFZtIDVB8UaYsnX~yDaFwgWPCG93lGdry50ZVK33CtL2hdsX62M8lpREqdVFnRrQt0EHRtZ63wnoqxFzRY5tmTvqrNdV~bDJo1gz7Vpy~DHp4eq7KDZaKi4z4VGB9NoLCxSAqWjVI5mLDNNDxU1Wx1ouIRTs3vddBIrwgF2iPnyxohjgOFwneegCvWjQJJU~K5VetUxMfXLAfQ__&amp;Key-Pair-Id=APKAJLOHF5GGSLRBV4ZA|pages=1021–1028}} (quote from pp. 1025–1026)

* {{w|Lewis Morris Rutherfurd}}, a trustee of {{w|Columbia University|Columbia College}}, was at that time the head of the famous Rutherfurd family. He was a gentleman of leisure and devoted himself to science and particularly to {{w|Astrophotography|photographic astronomy}}, just as did his famous friend, Doctor [[John William Draper]], the author of the [https://books.google.com/books/about/A_History_of_the_Intellectual_Developmen.html?id=tsUMAAAAYAAJ “History of the Intellectual Development of Europe.”] Rutherfurd was a pioneer worker in this field of astronomy, and his photographs of the [[moon]] and the [[star]]s were always regarded by the scientists of the world as most valuable contributions to astronomy. The [http://daytoninmanhattan.blogspot.com/2020/03/the-lost-lewis-m-rutherfurd-house-175.html historic Rutherfurd mansion, with its astronomical observatory,] was on {{w|List of numbered streets in Manhattan#11th Street|Eleventh Street}} and {{w|Second Avenue (Manhattan)|Second Avenue}}. Rutherfurd's sons, {{w|Lewis Morris Rutherfurd Jr.|Lewis}} and {{w|Winthrop Rutherfurd|Winthrop}}, were my fellow students at Columbia; Lewis was a year ahead of me and Winthrop was a year below me. Through their cousin, a chum and classmate of mine, I became acquainted with them.
** {{cite book|title=From Immigrant to Inventor|publisher=Charles Scribner's Sons|year=1923|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=JKiZAAAAIAAJ&amp;pg=PA122|page=122}} (396 pages)

* It is now two hundred years since {{w|Stephen Gray (scientist)|Stephen Gray}} discovered that an {{w|electrical charge}} will move with great rapidity along certain substances called {{w|Electrical conductor|conductor}}s today. The motion of [[electricity]] began then to attract the attention of the [[Natural philosophy|natural philosopher]], and it became the subject of many scientific researches, particularly after [[Benjamin Franklin|Franklin]] had demonstrated that [[lightning]] is a motion of electricity. There is no doubt that many a scientist of Franklin's time associated with the destructive power of lightning something resembling the destructive power of a projectile; something endowed with an irresistible momentum. But who would have dared to suggest in those days that moving electricity just like moving matter had a momentum? Nobody suspected in those days that the history of the electrical science of the first half of the nineteenth century would be a record of the gradual evolution of this [https://www.reed.edu/physics/faculty/griffiths/EMMomentum.pdf electrical momentum] concept. [[Hans Christian Ørsted|Oersted]]'s discovery in 1819 of the {{w|magnetic field}} of force accompanying the motion of electricity marks the first step in the progress of that evolution.
** {{cite journal|title=Fifty years' progress in electrical communications|date=February 1927|journal=Journal of the A.I.E.E.|volume=46|issue=2|pages=171–174|doi=10.1109/JAIEE.1927.6537962}}

* One of the most memorable events in the history of America since the [[American Civli War|Civil War]] is the well-known movement for higher intellectual endeavor. It started in 1863, when, with the sanction and support of [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]], the {{w|National Academy of Sciences}} was founded. [[Joseph Henry]], {{w|Frederick A. P. Barnard|Frederick Barnard}}, {{w|John William Draper|William Draper}}, {{w|Andrew Dickson White|Andrew White}}, {{w|Daniel Colt Gilman|Daniel Gilman}}, and several other idealists of the Academy were its spiritual leaders.
** {{cite book|title=Romance of the Machine|publisher=Charles Scribner's Sons|year=1930|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=H6E9AAAAIAAJ&amp;pg=PA3|pages=2–3}} (111 pages)

==External links==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{cite journal|title=Pupin Immigrant to Inventor (Pupin Remembered — a 1993 documentary film produced by the Tesla Society of New York City)|journal=Norfolk Historical, YouTube|date=February 5, 2021|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77FVxLQbwVw}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Pupin, Mihajlo Idvorski}}
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[[Category:Columbia University alumni]]
[[Category:Columbia University faculty]]
[[Category:Eastern Orthodox Christians]]
[[Category:Electrical engineers]]
[[Category:Inventors]]
[[Category:Members of the American Philosophical Society]]
[[Category:Members of the United States National Academy of Sciences]]
[[Category:Physicists from Serbia]]
[[Category:Physicists from the United States]] 
[[Category:Pulitzer Prize winners]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Cleitarchus</title>
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;'''[[w:Cleitarchus|Cleitarchus]]''' (Greek: Κλείταρχος, ''Kleitarchos''; fl. c. mid to late 4th century BC) was one of the historians of [[Alexander the Great]]. Son of the historian [[Dinon|Dinon of Colophon]], he spent a considerable time at the court of [[Ptolemy I Soter|Ptolemy Lagus]]. His work, the ''History of Alexander'', is almost completely lost and has survived only in some thirty fragments preserved by ancient authors, especially by [[Aelian]] and [...&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="3848" sha1="ay046wtonxvvmnm1fczj2kxm6s8868t" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Cleitarchus|Cleitarchus]]''' (Greek: Κλείταρχος, ''Kleitarchos''; fl. c. mid to late 4th century BC) was one of the historians of [[Alexander the Great]]. Son of the historian [[Dinon|Dinon of Colophon]], he spent a considerable time at the court of [[Ptolemy I Soter|Ptolemy Lagus]]. His work, the ''History of Alexander'', is almost completely lost and has survived only in some thirty fragments preserved by ancient authors, especially by [[Aelian]] and [[Strabo]].

== Quotes ==

* Cleitarchus speaks of four-wheeled carriages bearing trees with large leaves, from which were suspended (in cages) different kinds of tame birds, among which the orion was said to possess the sweetest note, but the catreus was the most beautiful in appearance, and had the most variegated plumage. In shape it approached nearest to the peacock, but the rest of the description must be taken from Cleitarchus.
** [[Strabo]], ''Geography'', bk. XV, ch. i, sec. 69 (tr. H. C. Hamilton and W. Falconer, 1854)

* He [Cleitarchus] says that in India there occurs a bird with strongly amorous propensities and that it is called the Orion. Well now, let us depict it as he has described it. This 'Orion' is the same size as the birds they call herons and its legs are red like theirs; its eyes are dark (in this respect it is unlike them), and Nature has taught it to make melody sweet as any bridal song with its alluring charms.
** [[Aelian]], ''Characteristics of Animals'', bk. XVII, ch. xxii 17.22 (tr. A. F. Scholfield, 1958)

* Cleitarchus says that in India there are monkeys of a mottled hue and immense size. And in mountainous districts they are so numerous that, says Cleitarchus, Alexander, the son of Philip, and the army under his command also were quite terrified at the sight of their massed numbers, imagining that they saw an army marshalled and waiting in ambush for them. You see, the monkeys happened to be standing upright when they appeared. These creatures are not to be caught with nets or by means of hounds following a scent, however great their skill in hunting. But this monkey is ready to dance if it sees a man dancing; it is even willing to play the pipe if it could learn how to blow. Further, if it catches sight of someone putting on his shoes, it imitates the action; and if a man underlines his eyes with lamp-black, it is anxious to do this too. Accordingly in place of the aforesaid objects men put out hollow, heavy shoes made of lead, to which they attach a noose underneath, so that when the monkeys slip their feet into them they are caught in the snare and cannot escape. And as a bait for their eyes men put out bird-lime in place of lampblack. And an Indian after using a mirror in sight of the monkeys [...] displaying not genuine mirrors but ones of a different kind, on to which they lace strong nooses. Such then is the apparatus which they employ. And so the monkeys come and gaze steadily, imitating what they have seen. And from the reflecting surface opposite their sight there is a surge of strongly gluey substance that gums up their eyelids, when they gaze intently into it. Then being unable to see, they are caught without any difficulty, for they are no longer able to escape.
** Aelian, ''Characteristics of Animals'', bk. XVII, ch. xxv (tr. A. F. Scholfield, 1958)

* And Clitarchus and others say that in Carthage, during great prayers, they place a boy in the hands of Cronus (a bronze statue is set up, with outstretched hands, and under it a baking oven) and then put fire under; the boy shrunk by the fire seems to laugh.
** ''[[Suda]]'', σι-124, s.v. Σαρδάνιος γέλως (tr. Robert Dyer, [https://topostext.org/work/240#si.124 Suda On Line])

== External links ==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}

[[Category:BCE births]]
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
[[Category:Historians from Greece]]</text>
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      <text bytes="3842" sha1="5yondb1zkz3yu7nch792w8w7b8p5a0f" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Cleitarchus|Cleitarchus]]''' (Greek: Κλείταρχος, ''Kleitarchos''; fl. c. mid to late 4th century BC) was one of the historians of [[Alexander the Great]]. Son of the historian [[Dinon|Dinon of Colophon]], he spent a considerable time at the court of [[Ptolemy I Soter|Ptolemy Lagus]]. His work, the ''History of Alexander'', is almost completely lost and has survived only in some thirty fragments preserved by ancient authors, especially by [[Aelian]] and [[Strabo]].

== Quotes ==

* Cleitarchus speaks of four-wheeled carriages bearing trees with large leaves, from which were suspended (in cages) different kinds of tame birds, among which the orion was said to possess the sweetest note, but the catreus was the most beautiful in appearance, and had the most variegated plumage. In shape it approached nearest to the peacock, but the rest of the description must be taken from Cleitarchus.
** [[Strabo]], ''Geography'', bk. XV, ch. i, sec. 69 (tr. H. C. Hamilton and W. Falconer, 1854)

* He [Cleitarchus] says that in India there occurs a bird with strongly amorous propensities and that it is called the Orion. Well now, let us depict it as he has described it. This 'Orion' is the same size as the birds they call herons and its legs are red like theirs; its eyes are dark (in this respect it is unlike them), and Nature has taught it to make melody sweet as any bridal song with its alluring charms.
** [[Aelian]], ''Characteristics of Animals'', bk. XVII, ch. xxii (tr. A. F. Scholfield, 1958)

* Cleitarchus says that in India there are monkeys of a mottled hue and immense size. And in mountainous districts they are so numerous that, says Cleitarchus, Alexander, the son of Philip, and the army under his command also were quite terrified at the sight of their massed numbers, imagining that they saw an army marshalled and waiting in ambush for them. You see, the monkeys happened to be standing upright when they appeared. These creatures are not to be caught with nets or by means of hounds following a scent, however great their skill in hunting. But this monkey is ready to dance if it sees a man dancing; it is even willing to play the pipe if it could learn how to blow. Further, if it catches sight of someone putting on his shoes, it imitates the action; and if a man underlines his eyes with lamp-black, it is anxious to do this too. Accordingly in place of the aforesaid objects men put out hollow, heavy shoes made of lead, to which they attach a noose underneath, so that when the monkeys slip their feet into them they are caught in the snare and cannot escape. And as a bait for their eyes men put out bird-lime in place of lampblack. And an Indian after using a mirror in sight of the monkeys [...] displaying not genuine mirrors but ones of a different kind, on to which they lace strong nooses. Such then is the apparatus which they employ. And so the monkeys come and gaze steadily, imitating what they have seen. And from the reflecting surface opposite their sight there is a surge of strongly gluey substance that gums up their eyelids, when they gaze intently into it. Then being unable to see, they are caught without any difficulty, for they are no longer able to escape.
** Aelian, ''Characteristics of Animals'', bk. XVII, ch. xxv (tr. A. F. Scholfield, 1958)

* And Clitarchus and others say that in Carthage, during great prayers, they place a boy in the hands of Cronus (a bronze statue is set up, with outstretched hands, and under it a baking oven) and then put fire under; the boy shrunk by the fire seems to laugh.
** ''[[Suda]]'', σι-124, s.v. Σαρδάνιος γέλως (tr. Robert Dyer, [https://topostext.org/work/240#si.124 Suda On Line])

== External links ==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}

[[Category:BCE births]]
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
[[Category:Historians from Greece]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Henry Prentiss Armsby</title>
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      <comment>created page with 2 quotes from Henry Prentiss Armsby &amp; 1 quote about him</comment>
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      <text bytes="4862" sha1="6dbint3lzq1599d50h829cy4qelk6h2" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Henry P. Armsby|Henry Prentiss Armsby}}''' (September 21, 1853 – October 19, 1921) was an American {{w|Agricultural chemistry|agricultural chemist}}, {{w|animal nutritionist}}, and {{w|Zoology#Physiology|animal physiologist}}, known for the [https://agsci.psu.edu/calorimeter construction of the Armsby respiration calorimeter].He was elected in 1911 to the UK's {{w|Royal Society of Arts}}, in 1912 to the {{w|Royal Swedish Academy of Agriculture and Forestry}}, and in 1920 to the U.S. {{w|National Academy of Sciences}}.

==Quotes==
* If the metabolizable energy were all available to protect {{w|Tissue biology#Animal tissue|body tissue}} from oxidization, then giving feed to a {{w|fasting}} or partially fasting animal would be practically the substitution of one kind of fuel for another, and the total heat production would remain the same. It is, however, an observation as old as the time of [[Antoine Lavoisier|Lavoisier]] that the consumption of feed tends to increase the heat production of an animal. That investigator observed the oxygen consumption of man to increase materially (about 37 per cent) after a meal, and subsequent experiments by a large number of investigators have fully confirmed these earlier results, so that the fact of an increased metabolism consequent upon the ingestion of feed is undisputed. It is especially to the investigations of {{w|Nathan Zuntz|Zuntz}} and his associates that we owe the unquestionable demonstration of this fact and of its significance in relation to the nutritive values of feeding stuffs.
** {{cite book|title=The Maintenance Rations of Farm Animals|date=February 1912|series=U.S. Department of Agriculture, Bureau of Animal Industry, Bulletin 143|publisher=U.S. Government Printing Office|pages=19–20|url=https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Maintenance_Rations_of_Farm_Animals.html?id=H4c-AAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PA19}} (110 pages; [https://archive.org/details/maintenanceratio00arms text as archive.org])

* It is a well-recognized fact that only the smaller portion of the {{w|solar energy}} or of the {{w|protein}}s which are stored up in the farmer's crops is directly available for man's use. Even in distinctively food crops, such as [[wheat]], for example, more than two-thirds of the energy which they contain may be unavailable for human nutrition, while the [[grass]]es and {{w|Legume#Forage|legume}}s, so important in all systems of [[agriculture]], are of no direct value as food for man. The essential function of the animal in a permanent system of agriculture is the conversion of as large a proportion as possible of these inedible products into forms whose matter and energy can be utilized by the human body.
** {{cite book|chapter=Introduction|title=The Nutrition of Farm Animals|publisher=Macmillan|year=1917|chapter-url=https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Nutrition_of_Farm_Animals.html?id=DAcwAAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PR15|pages=xv–xvii}} (quote from p. xv; 743 pages)

==Quotes about Henry Prentiss Armsby==
* [[Food]] is given to keep animals alive, to provide for normal growth, to facilitate the best powers of reproduction, and, in the case of [[cattle]], to render fit for human consumption in the shape of [[beef]] flesh or milk the {{w|fodder}}s, {{w|forage}}s, and [[grass]]es inedible to man. The energetics of these transformations had always intrigued him and, according to his concept, the one logical method of studying them was with an accurately measurable standard, i.e., the {{w|calorie}}. At the [https://animalscience.psu.edu/about/history/dairy-ansc/introduction Institute of Animal Nutrition], then, he began plans for that unique instrument, the great [[respiration]] {{w|calorimeter}} for large domestic animals. This was housed in a special building, together with most perfect accessory apparatus, and technicians were carefully trained to operate it. Naturally these heroic experiments challenged the attention of research workers in animal nutrition throughout the world. So perfect was the design, construction, and operation of this intricate apparatus that immediately Armsby began to unfold new concepts and impress practices in the highly important economic and physiological problems of animal nutrition.
** {{w|Francis Gano Benedict}}, {{cite journal|title=Biographical Memoir of Henry Prentiss Armsby 1853–1921|journal=Biographical Memoirs of the U.S. National Academy of Sciences|year=1938|volume=XIX|publisher=U.S. Government Office|url=http://biographicalmemoirs.org/pdfs/armsby-henry-p.pdf|pages=271–284}}

==External links==
* {{wikipedia-inline|Henry P. Armsby}}

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      <id>3963138</id>
      <parentid>3963119</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T16:46:15Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Suslindisambiguator</username>
        <id>275269</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>added link to Penn State U. YouTube video</comment>
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      <text bytes="5139" sha1="63865of8i0nukmmdntad296g5me5imk" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Henry P. Armsby|Henry Prentiss Armsby}}''' (September 21, 1853 – October 19, 1921) was an American {{w|Agricultural chemistry|agricultural chemist}}, {{w|animal nutritionist}}, and {{w|Zoology#Physiology|animal physiologist}}, known for the [https://agsci.psu.edu/calorimeter construction of the Armsby respiration calorimeter].He was elected in 1911 to the UK's {{w|Royal Society of Arts}}, in 1912 to the {{w|Royal Swedish Academy of Agriculture and Forestry}}, and in 1920 to the U.S. {{w|National Academy of Sciences}}.

==Quotes==
* If the metabolizable energy were all available to protect {{w|Tissue biology#Animal tissue|body tissue}} from oxidization, then giving feed to a {{w|fasting}} or partially fasting animal would be practically the substitution of one kind of fuel for another, and the total heat production would remain the same. It is, however, an observation as old as the time of [[Antoine Lavoisier|Lavoisier]] that the consumption of feed tends to increase the heat production of an animal. That investigator observed the oxygen consumption of man to increase materially (about 37 per cent) after a meal, and subsequent experiments by a large number of investigators have fully confirmed these earlier results, so that the fact of an increased metabolism consequent upon the ingestion of feed is undisputed. It is especially to the investigations of {{w|Nathan Zuntz|Zuntz}} and his associates that we owe the unquestionable demonstration of this fact and of its significance in relation to the nutritive values of feeding stuffs.
** {{cite book|title=The Maintenance Rations of Farm Animals|date=February 1912|series=U.S. Department of Agriculture, Bureau of Animal Industry, Bulletin 143|publisher=U.S. Government Printing Office|pages=19–20|url=https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Maintenance_Rations_of_Farm_Animals.html?id=H4c-AAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PA19}} (110 pages; [https://archive.org/details/maintenanceratio00arms text as archive.org])

* It is a well-recognized fact that only the smaller portion of the {{w|solar energy}} or of the {{w|protein}}s which are stored up in the farmer's crops is directly available for man's use. Even in distinctively food crops, such as [[wheat]], for example, more than two-thirds of the energy which they contain may be unavailable for human nutrition, while the [[grass]]es and {{w|Legume#Forage|legume}}s, so important in all systems of [[agriculture]], are of no direct value as food for man. The essential function of the animal in a permanent system of agriculture is the conversion of as large a proportion as possible of these inedible products into forms whose matter and energy can be utilized by the human body.
** {{cite book|chapter=Introduction|title=The Nutrition of Farm Animals|publisher=Macmillan|year=1917|chapter-url=https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Nutrition_of_Farm_Animals.html?id=DAcwAAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PR15|pages=xv–xvii}} (quote from p. xv; 743 pages)

==Quotes about Henry Prentiss Armsby==
* [[Food]] is given to keep animals alive, to provide for normal growth, to facilitate the best powers of reproduction, and, in the case of [[cattle]], to render fit for human consumption in the shape of [[beef]] flesh or milk the {{w|fodder}}s, {{w|forage}}s, and [[grass]]es inedible to man. The energetics of these transformations had always intrigued him and, according to his concept, the one logical method of studying them was with an accurately measurable standard, i.e., the {{w|calorie}}. At the [https://animalscience.psu.edu/about/history/dairy-ansc/introduction Institute of Animal Nutrition], then, he began plans for that unique instrument, the great [[respiration]] {{w|calorimeter}} for large domestic animals. This was housed in a special building, together with most perfect accessory apparatus, and technicians were carefully trained to operate it. Naturally these heroic experiments challenged the attention of research workers in animal nutrition throughout the world. So perfect was the design, construction, and operation of this intricate apparatus that immediately Armsby began to unfold new concepts and impress practices in the highly important economic and physiological problems of animal nutrition.
** {{w|Francis Gano Benedict}}, {{cite journal|title=Biographical Memoir of Henry Prentiss Armsby 1853–1921|journal=Biographical Memoirs of the U.S. National Academy of Sciences|year=1938|volume=XIX|publisher=U.S. Government Office|url=http://biographicalmemoirs.org/pdfs/armsby-henry-p.pdf|pages=271–284}}

==External links==
* {{wikipedia-inline|Henry P. Armsby}}
* {{cite journal|title=Armsby Respiration Calorimeter took the guesswork our of feeding livestock|journal=Penn State University, YouTube|date=April 8, 2015|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSyfq0hw7Fw}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Armsby, Henry Prentiss}}
[[Category:1853 births]]
[[Category:1921 deaths]]
[[Category:Academics from the United States]]
[[Category:Biochemists]]
[[Category:Members of the United States National Academy of Sciences]]
[[Category:Physiologists]]
[[Category:Scientists from Massachusetts]]
[[Category:Yale University alumni]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>User:IntergYT</title>
    <ns>2</ns>
    <id>309480</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963174</id>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T18:11:18Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>IntergYT</username>
        <id>3349013</id>
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;{{Administrator topcoin}} Hi.&quot;</comment>
      <origin>3963174</origin>
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      <text bytes="29" sha1="frqkvx2qhwca5rxp6cc2gm4kn3uxhhl" xml:space="preserve">{{Administrator topcoin}}
Hi.</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3963175</id>
      <parentid>3963174</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T18:11:47Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>IntergYT</username>
        <id>3349013</id>
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      <text bytes="27" sha1="jhvapqh5locsvbxph2migybciwaj1yr" xml:space="preserve">
Hi.
{{User administrator}}</text>
      <sha1>jhvapqh5locsvbxph2migybciwaj1yr</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963239</id>
      <parentid>3963175</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T23:11:34Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>NguoiDungKhongDinhDanh</username>
        <id>3094807</id>
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      <comment>Not an admin</comment>
      <origin>3963239</origin>
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      <text bytes="3" sha1="q5jkghf9ul4aoyytzr1ik290cx1w3zx" xml:space="preserve">Hi.</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Joseph Projectus Machebeuf</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>309481</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963192</id>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:00:36Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Gilldragon</username>
        <id>2514030</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;'''[[w:Joseph Projectus Machebeuf|]]''' (11 August 1812 – 10 July 1889) was a French prelate of the Catholic Church who served as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Denver|Diocese of Denver]].  == Quotes ==   == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{commonscat}}  {{DEFAULTSORT:Machebeuf, Joseph Projectus}} [[Category:1812 births]] [[Category:Catholics from France]] [[Category:Clergy from France]] [[Category:Roman Catholic bishops]] [[Category:1889 deaths]]&quot;</comment>
      <origin>3963192</origin>
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      <text bytes="497" sha1="o1xynvwwalk1xg2i1yo1fxol0jdwgkx" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Joseph Projectus Machebeuf|Joseph Projectus Machebeuf]]''' (11 August 1812 – 10 July 1889) was a French prelate of the Catholic Church who served as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Denver|Diocese of Denver]].

== Quotes ==


== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Machebeuf, Joseph Projectus}}
[[Category:1812 births]]
[[Category:Catholics from France]]
[[Category:Clergy from France]]
[[Category:Roman Catholic bishops]]
[[Category:1889 deaths]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3963195</id>
      <parentid>3963192</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:13:21Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Gilldragon</username>
        <id>2514030</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Quotes */</comment>
      <origin>3963195</origin>
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      <text bytes="1139" sha1="b7iyyb73iw6fea3z2o00wi6ivrnskv5" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Joseph Projectus Machebeuf|Joseph Projectus Machebeuf]]''' (11 August 1812 – 10 July 1889) was a French prelate of the Catholic Church who served as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Denver|Diocese of Denver]].

== Quotes ==

* The greatest danger to American society is that we are rapidly becoming a nation of isolated individuals, without any family ties or affections. A large number have broken away from the old homestead, and live away from home in hotels and boarding houses; they are daily losing the habits, virtues and manners of home, without which the family cannot be sustained, and if the family is destroyed, the society, the nation is carried away in its fall. God made the family the type and basis of society; such is the family, such will be society.
** [https://archive.org/details/womanssuffragele00machrich/page/n16 ''Woman's Suffrage'' (1877)]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Machebeuf, Joseph Projectus}}
[[Category:1812 births]]
[[Category:Catholics from France]]
[[Category:Clergy from France]]
[[Category:Roman Catholic bishops]]
[[Category:1889 deaths]]</text>
      <sha1>b7iyyb73iw6fea3z2o00wi6ivrnskv5</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>James Edward Quigley</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>309482</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963201</id>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:38:09Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Gilldragon</username>
        <id>2514030</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;'''[[w:James Edward Quigley|James Edward Quigley]]''' (October 15, 1854 – July 10, 1915) was a prelate of the Catholic Church who served as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Buffalo|Diocese of Buffalo]] and as the archbishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Chicago|Archdiocese of Chicago]].  == Quotes ==  *What I object to is not that we are being talked about, or even that we are criticized. It is not a bad thing to be advertised when we depend o...&quot;</comment>
      <origin>3963201</origin>
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      <text bytes="891" sha1="l2gk20mstofcrpopa7mvfvt9emyqpyi" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:James Edward Quigley|James Edward Quigley]]''' (October 15, 1854 – July 10, 1915) was a prelate of the Catholic Church who served as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Buffalo|Diocese of Buffalo]] and as the archbishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Chicago|Archdiocese of Chicago]].

== Quotes ==

*What I object to is not that we are being talked about, or even that we are criticized. It is not a bad thing to be advertised when we depend on advertising for success, and criticism is usually helpful, but I object to people getting their information from those who do not know.
** [https://archive.org/details/archbishopquigle00kell/page/n13 ''Archbishop Quigley, A Tribute'']

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Quigley, James Edward}}
[[Category:1854 births]]
[[Category:Roman Catholic archbishops]]
[[Category:1915 deaths]]</text>
      <sha1>l2gk20mstofcrpopa7mvfvt9emyqpyi</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>3963207</id>
      <parentid>3963201</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:50:08Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Gilldragon</username>
        <id>2514030</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Quotes */</comment>
      <origin>3963207</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="1295" sha1="60c0duvrrxnskboajkv7ddoaxu1e4dq" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:James Edward Quigley|James Edward Quigley]]''' (October 15, 1854 – July 10, 1915) was a prelate of the Catholic Church who served as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Buffalo|Diocese of Buffalo]] and as the archbishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Chicago|Archdiocese of Chicago]].

== Quotes ==

*Before I camo to this city I had heard that Chicago people were given to boasting, now I fear I am coming to be something of a boaster myself where Chicago is concerned. Since I have been here I have found Chicago just as the boasters had represented It.
**[https://archive.org/details/archbishop-james-edward-quigley-says-that-the-catholic-church-will-rule-the-worl ''Quigley as an optimist'' (1903)]

*What I object to is not that we are being talked about, or even that we are criticized. It is not a bad thing to be advertised when we depend on advertising for success, and criticism is usually helpful, but I object to people getting their information from those who do not know.
** [https://archive.org/details/archbishopquigle00kell/page/n13 ''Archbishop Quigley, A Tribute'']

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Quigley, James Edward}}
[[Category:1854 births]]
[[Category:Roman Catholic archbishops]]
[[Category:1915 deaths]]</text>
      <sha1>60c0duvrrxnskboajkv7ddoaxu1e4dq</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3963250</id>
      <parentid>3963207</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-11T00:07:24Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Gilldragon</username>
        <id>2514030</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* Quotes */</comment>
      <origin>3963250</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="1295" sha1="allvxe9x08ki0r2mf8q0c32g8m71vac" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:James Edward Quigley|James Edward Quigley]]''' (October 15, 1854 – July 10, 1915) was a prelate of the Catholic Church who served as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Buffalo|Diocese of Buffalo]] and as the archbishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Chicago|Archdiocese of Chicago]].

== Quotes ==

*Before I came to this city I had heard that Chicago people were given to boasting, now I fear I am coming to be something of a boaster myself where Chicago is concerned. Since I have been here I have found Chicago just as the boasters had represented it.
**[https://archive.org/details/archbishop-james-edward-quigley-says-that-the-catholic-church-will-rule-the-worl ''Quigley as an optimist'' (1903)]

*What I object to is not that we are being talked about, or even that we are criticized. It is not a bad thing to be advertised when we depend on advertising for success, and criticism is usually helpful, but I object to people getting their information from those who do not know.
** [https://archive.org/details/archbishopquigle00kell/page/n13 ''Archbishop Quigley, A Tribute'']

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Quigley, James Edward}}
[[Category:1854 births]]
[[Category:Roman Catholic archbishops]]
[[Category:1915 deaths]]</text>
      <sha1>allvxe9x08ki0r2mf8q0c32g8m71vac</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Marvel Zombies (miniseries)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>309483</id>
    <redirect title="Marvel Zombies (TV series)" />
    <revision>
      <id>3963205</id>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:47:23Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Iago PUC</username>
        <id>2458636</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Iago PUC moved page [[Marvel Zombies (miniseries)]] to [[Marvel Zombies (TV series)]]: Because we know a second season is coming...</comment>
      <origin>3963205</origin>
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      <text bytes="40" sha1="2hsw6m8q34quoznehyhjthnkyhgjn54" xml:space="preserve">#REDIRECT [[Marvel Zombies (TV series)]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Moana (2026 film)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <timestamp>2026-07-10T20:57:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
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      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;{{italic title}} '''''[[w:Moana (2026 film)|Moana]]''''' is a 2026 American [[w:musical film|musical]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] film, telling the story of Moana, the strong-willed daughter of the chief of a [[w:Polynesian|Polynesian]] tribe, who is chosen by the ocean itself to reunite a mystical relic with a goddess. When a blight strikes her island, Moana sets sail in search of Maui, a legendary [[w:demigod|demigod]], in hopes to save her people. :''Directed by {...&quot;</comment>
      <origin>3963211</origin>
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      <text bytes="1803" sha1="pb3m8x81kv61gfvdqgjqrhn19tuexi6" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Moana (2026 film)|Moana]]''''' is a 2026 American [[w:musical film|musical]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] film, telling the story of Moana, the strong-willed daughter of the chief of a [[w:Polynesian|Polynesian]] tribe, who is chosen by the ocean itself to reunite a mystical relic with a goddess. When a blight strikes her island, Moana sets sail in search of Maui, a legendary [[w:demigod|demigod]], in hopes to save her people.
:''Directed by {{w|Thomas Kail}}. Written by {{w|Jared Bush}} and Dana Ledoux Miller, remade from [[Moana (2016 film)|Disney's 2016 animated feature film of the same name]].''

== Moana ==
* I am Moana of Motunui. You will board my boat, sail across the sea, and restore the heart of Te Fiti.
* The ocean chose us for a reason.

== Maui ==
* You're welcome!
* Are you ready to be the hero?

== Dialogue ==

==Cast==
* {{w|Catherine Laga'aia}} — [[w:Moana (character)|Moana]]
* [[Dwayne Johnson]] — [[w:Maui (Moana)|Maui]]
* {{w|John Tui}} — Chief Tui
* {{w|Frankie Adams}} — Sina
* {{w|Rena Owen}} — Gramma Tala
* {{w|Jemaine Clement}} — Voice of Tamatoa

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|27419466|Moana}}

[[Category:2026 films]]
[[Category:2020s American films]]
[[Category:American 3D films]]
[[Category:American remake films]]
[[Category:American children's adventure films]]
[[Category:Musical films]]
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[[Category:Moana (franchise)]]
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[[Category:Films about chickens]]
[[Category:Films about revenge]]
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[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Films set on oceans]]
[[Category:The Walt Disney Company]]</text>
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      <id>3963212</id>
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      <contributor>
        <username>03isrflo62410</username>
        <id>1485946</id>
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      <text bytes="1817" sha1="s2r8261p25ret6vm0d7kcslsyskgfrq" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
{{film-stub}}
'''''[[w:Moana (2026 film)|Moana]]''''' is a 2026 American [[w:musical film|musical]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] film, telling the story of Moana, the strong-willed daughter of the chief of a [[w:Polynesian|Polynesian]] tribe, who is chosen by the ocean itself to reunite a mystical relic with a goddess. When a blight strikes her island, Moana sets sail in search of Maui, a legendary [[w:demigod|demigod]], in hopes to save her people.
:''Directed by {{w|Thomas Kail}}. Written by {{w|Jared Bush}} and Dana Ledoux Miller, remade from [[Moana (2016 film)|Disney's 2016 animated feature film of the same name]].''

== Moana ==
* I am Moana of Motunui. You will board my boat, sail across the sea, and restore the heart of Te Fiti.
* The ocean chose us for a reason.

== Maui ==
* You're welcome!
* Are you ready to be the hero?

== Dialogue ==

==Cast==
* {{w|Catherine Laga'aia}} — [[w:Moana (character)|Moana]]
* [[Dwayne Johnson]] — [[w:Maui (Moana)|Maui]]
* {{w|John Tui}} — Chief Tui
* {{w|Frankie Adams}} — Sina
* {{w|Rena Owen}} — Gramma Tala
* {{w|Jemaine Clement}} — Voice of Tamatoa

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|27419466|Moana}}

[[Category:2026 films]]
[[Category:2020s American films]]
[[Category:American 3D films]]
[[Category:American remake films]]
[[Category:American children's adventure films]]
[[Category:Musical films]]
[[Category:American coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Moana (franchise)]]
[[Category:Seafaring films]]
[[Category:Films about pigs]]
[[Category:Films about chickens]]
[[Category:Films about revenge]]
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  <page>
    <title>Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Viola Nuwaha</title>
    <ns>4</ns>
    <id>309485</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963223</id>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T21:48:50Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
        <id>1187925</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>VfD: Viola Nuwaha</comment>
      <origin>3963223</origin>
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      <text bytes="179" sha1="spg4sngl8zuhderwqxq7ai79vxabklr" xml:space="preserve">== [[:Viola Nuwaha]] ==
Not notable — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:48, 10 July 2026 (UTC)
&lt;small&gt;'''Vote closes''': 22:00, 17 July 2026 (UTC)&lt;/small&gt;</text>
      <sha1>spg4sngl8zuhderwqxq7ai79vxabklr</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>3963224</id>
      <parentid>3963223</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T21:48:50Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
        <id>1187925</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Adding nominator vote</comment>
      <origin>3963224</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="287" sha1="6mak5t7pfupuuheekb39giptskkri1g" xml:space="preserve">== [[:Viola Nuwaha]] ==
Not notable — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:48, 10 July 2026 (UTC)
: '''Delete''' as nominator [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:48, 10 July 2026 (UTC)
&lt;small&gt;'''Vote closes''': 22:00, 17 July 2026 (UTC)&lt;/small&gt;</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>William Samuel Lilly</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>309486</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3963243</id>
      <timestamp>2026-07-10T23:56:21Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
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*It appears to me that if we once lose the conception of this law, we empty Hfe of its true value, which is ethical.
** [https://archive.org/details/firstprinciplesi00lilluoft/page/n10 ''First Principles in Politics'' (1899)]

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*It appears to me that if we once lose the conception of this law, we empty life of its true value, which is ethical.
** [https://archive.org/details/firstprinciplesi00lilluoft/page/n10 ''First Principles in Politics'' (1899)]

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      <comment>Created page with &quot;{{Wikiquote:Quote of the day/Template | image1 = Photo portrait of Harper Lee (To Kill a Mockingbird dust jacket, 1960).jpg | image1px = 262px | image2 = To Kill a Mockingbird (first edition cover).jpg | image2px = 292px | quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; Recently I have received echoes down this way of the Hanover County School Board's activities, and what I've heard makes me wonder if any of its members can read. &lt;br /&gt; --&gt;Surely it is plain to the [[simplest]] [[intelligence]...&quot;</comment>
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| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; Recently I have received echoes down this way of the Hanover County School Board's activities, and what I've heard makes me wonder if any of its members can read. &lt;br /&gt; --&gt;Surely it is plain to the [[simplest]] [[intelligence]] that ''[[w:To Kill a Mockingbird (novel)|To Kill a Mockingbird]]'' spells out in words of seldom more than two syllables a code of [[honor]] and [[conduct]], [[Christian]] in its [[ethic]], that is the heritage of all Southerners. To hear that the novel is &quot;[[immoral]]&quot; has made me count the years between now and [[Nineteen Eighty-Four|1984]], for I have yet to come across a better example of [[w:doublethink|doublethink]].&lt;!-- &lt;br /&gt; I feel, however, that the problem is one of illiteracy, not Marxism. Therefore I enclose a small contribution to the Beadle Bumble Fund that I hope will be used to enroll the Hanover County School Board in any first grade of its choice. --&gt;
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| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; Recently I have received echoes down this way of the Hanover County School Board's activities, and what I've heard makes me wonder if any of its members can read. &lt;br /&gt; --&gt;Surely it is plain to the [[simplest]] [[intelligence]] that ''[[w:To Kill a Mockingbird (novel)|To Kill a Mockingbird]]'' spells out in words of seldom more than two syllables a code of [[honor]] and [[conduct]], [[Christian]] in its [[ethic]], that is the heritage of all Southerners. To hear that the novel is &quot;[[immoral]]&quot; has made me count the years between [[now]] and [[Nineteen Eighty-Four|1984]], for I have yet to come across a better example of [[w:doublethink|doublethink]].&lt;!-- &lt;br /&gt; I feel, however, that the problem is one of illiteracy, not Marxism. Therefore I enclose a small contribution to the Beadle Bumble Fund that I hope will be used to enroll the Hanover County School Board in any first grade of its choice. --&gt;
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  <page>
    <title>Anna Heringer</title>
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      <comment>Initiated INCOMPLETE article To Be Completed</comment>
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      <text bytes="56880" sha1="8y318rqov4gcb89trpl3b6d366168sq" xml:space="preserve">[[File:HeringerAnna4Nov2017ÖsterreichischeLehmbautagung.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;Anna Heringer (Nov 4 2017)&lt;br /&gt;Österreichische Lehmbautagung,&lt;br /&gt;Austrian Earth Building Conference&lt;/center&gt;]]
'''Anna Heringer''' (born 13 October 1977 in {{w|Rosenheim}}) is an {{w|architect}} known for her approach to {{w|sustainable architecture}}, particularly in the realm of [[w:Earth structure|earthen construction]]. Her [[work]] is characterized by the use of local materials and techniques, as well as a commitment to [[community]] [[w:Community engagement|engagement]] and [[Grassroots movement|empowerment]]. Heringer has worked on projects in [[Bangladesh]], [[Morocco]] and [[Austria]], which have garnered international recognition for their appearance, [[w:Functionalism (architecture)|functionality]], and [[sustainability]], most notably the {{w|METI Handmade School}} in {{w|Rudrapur, Bangladesh}}.

== Quotes ==
=== The warmth and wisdom of mud buildings (Apr 2017) ===
:&lt;small&gt;| Anna Heringer, a [[w:TED (conference)|TED]] Talk, '''Creative Commons''' (CC BY–NC–ND 4.0 International) '''license''' [https://www.ted.com/talks/anna_heringer_the_warmth_and_wisdom_of_mud_buildings presentation.] Also see the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7I5BWW-0c8 YouTube video] (Oct 17, 2017) @TED channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* '''[T]here are a lot of resources given by nature for free, and all that we need is our [[w:Sensory processing sensitivity|sensitivity]] to see them, and our [[creativity]] to use them.'''&lt;!--0:49; &amp;t=49s--&gt;

* When I was an architecture student about 13 years ago, I went to [[Bangladesh]], to a remote village called [[w:Rudrapur, Bangladesh|Rudrapur]] with the aim to design and build [[w:METI Handmade School|a school]] as my thesis project. I had lived in that village before when I was 19, and a volunteer at Dipshikha, a Bangladeshi [[Non-governmental organization|NGO]] for rural development... [W]hat I had learned from them was that '''the most [[Sustainability|sustainable]] [[strategy]] for... development''' was to '''cherish and to use your... own resources and [[potential]] and not get dependent on [[w:Exogenous and endogenous variables|external factors]]... [T[his is what I tried to do with my [[architecture]]''', as well.&lt;!--1:06; &amp;t=66s--&gt;

* In terms of '''[[w:Natural building#Materials|suitable building materials]] for my school''', I didn't have to look far. They '''were right under my feet: [[mud]], [[dirt]], [[w:Earth structure|earth]], [[clay]], however you call it, and [[bamboo]] that was growing all around.'''&lt;!--1:43; &amp;t=1039s--&gt;

* [[Electricity]] in remote Bangladesh is rare, but we didn't need it. We had [[human]] [[energy]], and people were happy to have the [[work]]. Tools were an issue too, but we had... [[water buffalo]]es. We had also tried it with [[Cattle|cows]], but interestingly, they were too [[Intelligence|intelligent]]. They were always stepping in the holes of the previous round. They wouldn't mix '''the [[mud]], the {{w|straw}}, the [[sand]]''', which '''are the ingredients in the walls.'''&lt;!--2:01; &amp;t=121s--&gt;

* [E]xcept a small team of consultants like my partner for realization, Eike Roswag and my... cousin, Emmanuel, '''it was... built... [by] craftsmen from the village.'''&lt;!--2:01; &amp;t=121s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/meti-school-bangladesh/ METI school] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') [https://www.nbl.berlin/persons/prof-eike-roswag-klinge/ Eike Roswag-Klinge] @nbl.berlin, Natural Building Lab, {{w|Technische Universität Berlin}}.&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Meti School Exterior.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;{{w|METI Handmade School}}&lt;/center&gt;]]
* [T]he [[w:METI Handmade School|METI school]] after 6 months of construction... [[w:Load-bearing wall|load-bearing]] earth walls that really ground the school and large bamboo structures that bring the lightness in. ...The classroom on the ground floor, attached are the caves ...for reading, for snuggling, for solo work, for meditation, for playing, and the classroom on the top.&lt;!--2:47; &amp;t=167s--&gt;

* The [[children]] all signed... the doors. ...[T]hey ...helped building the school.&lt;!--3:21; &amp;t=201s--&gt;

* '''[C]an you imagine the feeling of a small [[boy]] or a [[Girls|girl]], or an illiterate day-laborer standing in front of that school building.., knowing that you built this out of the ordinary [[bamboo]] and... the [[dirt]] underneath your feet, using nothing but your [[hands]]? That gives such an enormous boost of [[trust]] and [[confidence]] in yourself and the [[community]], and in the material.'''&lt;!--3:36; &amp;t=216s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud|[M]ud]] has a very poor image.''' When we think of mud, we think of [[dirt]]. It's [[Ugliness|ugly]], it's nondurable, and '''this is the image I want to change.'''&lt;!--4:06; &amp;t=246s--&gt;

* [I]t's the 11th rainy season for the school now, really harsh, horizontal monsoon rains, and the walls are standing strong.&lt;!--4:19; &amp;t=259s--&gt;

* [H]ow does that work? '''First rule, a good [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]] that keeps the wall dry from the ground, and second rule, a good {{w|roof}} that protects from the top. The third rule, {{w|erosion}} control.''' Mud walls need speed breakers... so that the rainwater cannot run down the wall fast... [T]hese speed breakers can be lines of [[bamboo]], or [[stone]]s, or {{w|straw}} mixed into the mud. Just like a [[Hills|hill]] needs [[trees]] or [[w:Rock (geology)|rock]]s in order to prevent erosion, it works just the same way.&lt;!--4:19; &amp;t=259s--&gt;

* '''[P]eople always ask me if I have to add {{w|cement}} to the [[mud]], and the answer is no. There is no [[w:Rammed earth#Stabilizer|stabilizer]]''' [in], '''no coating on these walls, only in the [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]].'''&lt;!--5:07; &amp;t=307s--&gt;

* '''[I]f... [the wall] needs repairing''' it is really easy to do. You just '''take the broken part, make it wet.., put it back on the wall''' and it will look the same as before. I wish that would work on me too.&lt;!--5:34; &amp;t=334s--&gt;

* [T]he great thing is, if '''an [[w:Earth structure|earth wall]]''' is not needed anymore, it '''can go back to the [[Soil|ground]] it came from, turn into a [[Gardens|garden]] or get fully [[w:Recycling|recycled]] without any of [[quality]]. There is no other material that can do this''', and this is why mud is so excellent in terms of [[Environmental degradation|environmental]] performance.&lt;!--5:50; &amp;t=350s--&gt;

* '''What about [[Economics|economic]] [[sustainability]]?''' When we built [[w:METI Handmade School|the school]], I practically lived on the construction site, and in the evening I used to go with the [[Working class|workers]] to the market... I could see how they spent their [[money]]... [T]hey would buy [[vegetable]]s from their neighbors... [T]hey would get a new haircut, or a new blouse from the tailor. ...'''Because the main part of the building budget was spent on [[Workmanship|craftsmanship]], the school wasn't just a building. It became a real [[wikt:catalyst#English:_change_encourager|catalyst]] for local [[w:Community development|development]]''', and that made me happy.&lt;!--6:12; &amp;t=372s--&gt;

* '''If I had designed the school in {{w|cement}} and [[steel]], this [[money]] would have been exported and lost for those [[Family|families]].'''&lt;!--6:48; &amp;t=408s--&gt;

* The building budget... was 35,000 Euros (it's probably double by now) and this is a lot of money for that region.., especially because this money is working within the community, and [[wikt:multiplier#English:_economic_ratio|rotating]] fast, and not on the stock market.&lt;!--7:01; &amp;t=421s--&gt;

* So when it comes to economic sustainability of my project, '''my main question is, &quot;Who gets the [[profit]]?&quot;'''&lt;!--7:01; &amp;t=421s--&gt;

* '''[A]pproximately 3 billion people all around the planet are living in [[w:Earth structure|earth]] [[house]]s, and it is a traditional building material in [[Europe]], just as much as in [[Africa]].'''&lt;!--7:43; &amp;t=463s--&gt;

* Strangely enough, '''[[mud]] is not considered worthy of being studied at [[universities]], so I brought the [[dirt]] to [[Harvard University|Harvard]]'''... precisely 60 tons of dirt right in front of the main {{w|façade}} of the [[w:Harvard Graduate School of Design|Graduate School of Design]]. ...'''[I]t was particularly fascinating to see how many people were [[touch]]ing the wall'''... [W]e usually don't go around our cities caressing our façades, right? ...'''In terms of [[awareness]]-building and... [[education]] it was like {{w|an acupuncture}} [[w:Myofascial trigger point#Overlap with acupuncture|trigger point]].'''&lt;!--7:57; &amp;t=477s--&gt;

* '''In more and more countries... [[w:Load-bearing wall|load bearing]] [[w:Earth structure|earthen structures]] are not allowed to be built anymore''', although they are [[tradition]]al and have lasted for 100s of years, and '''not because the material is weak, but because there are no {{w|architect}}s and {{w|engineer}}s who know how to deal with that material.'''&lt;!--8:59; &amp;t=539s--&gt;

* '''So [[education]] on all levels, for craftsmen, engineers and architects, is... strongly needed. Equally important is technological development''', like {{w|prefabrication}} developed by my colleague, Martin Rauch.., an Austrian artist and expert in [[w:Earth structure|earthen structures]]... [H]e has created technologies for... prefabrication of {{w|rammed earth}} elements (that include {{w|insulation}}, wall [[w:Heating, ventilation, and air conditioning|heatings and coolings]], and... electrical fittings) that can be layered ...[for] multistorey buildings... [T]his can be important in order to scale up and... [speed] up the process... like in the [[w:Ricola#Ricola herb gardens|Ricola]] Herb Center in [[w:Laufen, Switzerland|Switzerland]].&lt;!--9:17; &amp;t=557s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://eartharchitecture.org/?p=1400 Erden.at , Martin Rauch] @EarthArchitecture.org '''2''') [https://www.lehmtonerde.at/en/story/martin-rauch-from-clay-to-earth-from-craft-to-architecture/ Martin Rauch]– From clay to earth, from craft to architecture @Lehm Ton Erde '''3''') [https://eartharchitecture.org/?p=724 Ricola Herb Centre] @EarthArchitecture.org&lt;/small&gt;

* '''[W]e need... projects that prove you can build with an [[Antiquity|ancient]] material in a very [[Modernity|modern]] way. It is not a matter''' [of] '''how [[Ageing|old]] the material is. It's a matter of our [[Creativity|creative ability]] to use it today.'''&lt;!--9:59; &amp;t=599s--&gt;

* These... are 3 hostels that I did in [[China]]... in the village [[w:Baoxi Township|Baoxi]]... The outside shape is [[w:Bamboo construction|woven bamboo]], and the inside core is [[stone]]s and {{W|rammed earth}}... [I]t is a [[tradition]]al {{w|building material}}. Even '''large parts of the {{w|Great Wall of China}} have been built with rammed earth''', but it's getting replaced by {{w|concrete}}, and this trend is happening very fast.&lt;!--10:16; &amp;t=616s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/bamboo-hostels-china/ Three Hostels in Baoxi, a village in China] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') YouTube video, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dK8-s4YeW4 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale China (Longquan)] @StudioAnnaHeringer channel. '''3''')  2016 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale, in Baoxi, Zhejiang province, China. Julien Lanoo photographs: [https://world-architects.com/en/julien-lanoo-comines/project/international-bamboo-architecture-biennale-libab International Bamboo Architecture Biennale (LIBAB)] '''4''') [https://www.cosentino.com/usa/blog/international-bamboo-biennale/ International Bamboo Biennale] @cosentino.com&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/small&gt;

* '''Within only a couple of years [[China]] has consumed more [[w:Portland cement|cement]] than the [[United States]] in the entire [[20th century]].'''&lt;!--10:45; &amp;t=645s--&gt;

* '''This trend of replacing [[w:Alternative natural materials|natural building materials]] with [[w:Embodied energy|materials... that are energy intensive]], and that [[w:Greenhouse gas emissions|emit]] [[w:Carbon dioxide|CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt;]] is... clearly contributing to [[climate change]]... [W]e have alternatives, such as [[mud]], [[stone]]s, [[w:Lumber|timber]], [[w:Bamboo construction|bamboo]], [[w:Earth structure|earth]], that are totally effective options for all sorts of purposes.'''&lt;!--10:55; &amp;t=655s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud]] is [[health]]y for the planet, but also for the human bodies, and the material is low-tech, but the performance is high-tech.., the earth walls... naturally regulating moisture... [T]his wall in our own home is our {{w|humidifier}}. We love our 6 tons of dirt at home''', not only because it's healthy and sustainable. It's archaic warmth is touching deep within.&lt;!--11:17; &amp;t=677s--&gt;

[[File:مدينة شبام حضرموت.jpg|thumb|{{w|Shibam}}, {{w|Yemen}}]]
* My personal [[Dreams|dream]] is to build a [[mud]] [[skyscraper]] right in [[Manhattan (borough)|Manhattan]]... [T]his dream isn't so crazy if you think of '''the mud city of {{w|Shibam}} in [[Yemen]] that was built in the 16th century, and has lasted now for 500 years. What was possible that long ago is possible today as well, and we can apply all our technical know-how to... these [[Antiquity|ancient]] materials, so that it meets our [[need]]s and our dreams.'''&lt;!--11:54; &amp;t=714s--&gt;

* '''All around us, and just below our feet, are wonderful [[w:Natural building#Materials|natural building materials]]. Let's use them!''' ...I deeply believe '''our [[home]]s, our work spaces, our [[cities]] would become more [[health]]y and [[Sustainability|sustainable]], and more [[Humanity|humane]] and [[Beauty|beautiful]].'''&lt;!--12:30; &amp;t=750s--&gt;

=== Gespräch mit den Lehmbauexperten (Nov 4 2017) ===
:&lt;small&gt;mit Andi Breuss, Anna Heringer, David Kraler, Österreichische-IISCI-IE Lehmbautagung Austrian Earth Building Conference. A '''Creative Commons''' YouTube video source: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAHHz5VqwKY Lehmbauexperten im Gespräch] | Andi Breuss, Anna Heringer (Sep 10, 2019) from the Lightaspect channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* For me, in this field of [[work]], which is mainly in [[Asia]] or [[Africa]]..., [[emancipation]] is very important, that one imparts [[knowledge]] and [[Grassroots movement|empowers people]] for self-construction, or to improve what they know.&lt;!--10:08; &amp;t=608s--&gt; 

* '''[I]t's perfectly fine if my buildings eventually end up on the compost heap, but what is wanted is that the [[knowledge]] remains, that one can simply rebuild it better'''... My passion for [[w:Community development|development]]... is... strong. My passion for [[architecture]] and [[business]] is... the fantastic link between development and... [[w:Architectural design values|architectural design]].&lt;!--10:28; &amp;t=628s--&gt;

* [[w:Earth structure|[T]his material]] is... [[health]]y for people, [[Environmentalism|for the environment]].., for the [[society]] because it creates [[Work|jobs]], and... it's [[Beauty|beautiful]]. ...That's where my motivation to work with it comes from.&lt;!--11:07; &amp;t=667s--&gt;

* [W]e need many more {{w|open source}} resources, but also a  way for people to see a real march of [[knowledge]]. ...[I]t's important that you can buy things as an architect, but... we need to know much more about new open-source resources so that {{w|people}}, even [[Poverty|those without financial means]], can access those...&lt;!--11:30; &amp;t=690s--&gt;

* [[Life]] has a good [[future]], especially when the [[w:Carbon tax|CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt; tax]] comes...&lt;!--17:44; &amp;t=1064s--&gt;

* '''[[Life]] has a chance if ...[[w:Manual labour|human labor]] is... [[Value (ethics)|value]]d... but we have to fight for it'''...&lt;!--18:18; &amp;t=1098s--&gt;

* '''If the [[economic system]] does not support [[w:Natural building|this construction method]] that is [[Social justice|socially just]], [[Ecology|ecological]].., [[health]]y, then this [[economic system]] has to be [[change]]d, because [[capitalism]] is not a [[force]] of [[nature]]. It is created by [[human]]s, and we can always abolish it.'''&lt;!--17:44; &amp;t=1064s--&gt;

=== Aga Khan Program Lecture (Nov 16, 2018) ===
:&lt;small&gt;: Anna Heringer, &quot;Architecture is a Tool to Improve Lives&quot; A [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zej6WPr28ik YouTube video] from the [[w:Harvard Graduate School of Design|Harvard GSD]] channel. Also see [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/event/anna-heringer-architecture-is-a-tool-to-improve-lives/ Anna Heringer, “Architecture is a Tool to Improve Lives”] [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/research/research-initiatives/aga-khan-program-at-the-gsd/ Aga Khan Program] [for Islamic Architecture (AKPIA)] Lecture.&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Meti School Exterior.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;{{w|METI Handmade School}}&lt;/center&gt;]]
[[File:Heringer meti school.jpg|thumb|Meti School, {{w|Haripur, Bangladesh}}, architect {{w|Anna Heringer}}]]
* [W]hat I had learned during my year in [[Bangladesh]] was that '''the most [[Sustainability|sustainable]] and... effective [[strategy]] for [[w:Community development|development]], is to... look at the [[potential]]s... existing and try to make the [[best]] out of it.., not... depending on [[w:Exogenous and endogenous variables|external factors]]'''... [S]even years later '''I tried to transform this [[philosophy]] into [[architecture]].'''&lt;!--7:40; &amp;t=460s--&gt;

* '''[I]n terms of materials.., what was there was just below my feet.., the [[mud]], the [[dirt]], and the [[bamboo]]... growing all around... [I]n terms of [[energy]], it was the {{w|people}}.., [[Happiness|happy]] to have opportunities''' [working] '''on [[w:METI Handmade School|the school]].'''&lt;!--8:03; &amp;t=483s--&gt;

* '''I wanted to show what you can do out of... local, basic materials; that it's not only possible to build small, dark {{w|hut}}s, but... also [[w:Structural engineering|large structures]].'''&lt;!--9:30; &amp;t=570s--&gt;

* [W]hen you... deal with... [[wikt:archaic#Adjective|archaic]] notions.., it doesn't make a difference between a {{w|Bavaria}}n [[Children|child]] and a [[Bangladesh]]i child...&lt;!--10:33; &amp;t=633s--&gt;

* '''The [[children]] all signed with their names on the doors... as [[authors]]''', because... every afternoon they were on the site helping us building. ...[T]hat's a very [[w:Humanity (virtue)|humane]] notion, that... '''even if you're small and... [[Weakness|weak]], you want to be part of the real [[life]]. ...You want to be [[wikt:intrinsic#Adjective|needed]].'''&lt;!--11:56; &amp;t=716s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud|[M]ud]] ...is a very [[wikt:inclusive#English:_of_groups|inclusive]] material.''' ...It is just [[ceramic]]s in a slightly different scale. ...'''[I]t's a wonderful material to [[play]]... and... [[w:Construction|build]] with, and the [[children]] felt extremely [[w:Empowerment|empowered]].'''&lt;!--12:26; &amp;t=746s--&gt;

* '''[T]he third rule is {{w|erosion control}}''', so just as a [[Hills|hill]] needs rocks or trees... to slow... the pace of the water.., '''the [[wall]] needs... on a bigger level.., speed breakers... on the {{w|façade}}, and... on the micro level you have... {{w|straw}}, and... if... {{w|rammed earth}} you have [[stone]]s... so that the façade is... [[w:Self-healing material|self-healing]].''' They are extremely [[w:Compressive strength|strong]] and there is no {{w|cement}} in it except in the [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]].&lt;!--13:43; &amp;t=823s--&gt;

* '''I felt more like a [[w:Conducting|conductor]]... when I could give space to the [[Workmanship|craftsmen]] to bring in their own [[ideas]]''', and I could just moderate... and then I knew when I had to step in and take the lead again... [I]t was a... dynamic... and [[wikt:participation#Noun|participatory]] [process].&lt;!--18:46; &amp;t=1126s--&gt;

* '''[T]he biggest [[learning]] [[experience]] is the things that don't turn out the way you want'''...&lt;!--19:09; &amp;t=1149s--&gt;

* The entire top floor had to be replaced because I had no idea as a [[w:Bavarians|Bavarian]] what is good [[bamboo]] and what [is] not. ...[T]he super nice, green, fresh, sugary bamboo ...was a big party for the [[beetles]]...&lt;!--19:23; &amp;t=1163s--&gt;

* '''[[Vulnerability]] is part of life. ...[[Decay|[D]ecay]] is... normal... [[Hindu]]s... build their cottages every year out of [[mud]], out of [[clay]], and they return it to the [[water]] every year, while we build everything in [[gold]], and in the most durable materials... The holy statues... go into the water in the cycle every year. ...That's something we can ...[[Learning|learn]] from''' ...&lt;!--20:26; &amp;t=1226s--&gt;

* '''We're always thinking... we have to build for [[eternity]]. ...But ...much more important is the [[w:Procedural knowledge|know-how]] that we're leaving behind. ...I'm really ok if my [[building]]s go back to [[nature]] one day ...I really don't think that I'm so important that my buildings have to stand forever. ...If they're needed they will be rebuilt, and the know-how will be passed on from one generation to the next. ...[T]hat's the important thing, that we ...build and create [[knowledge]], and not just [[waste]].'''&lt;!--22:24; &amp;t=1344s--&gt;

* '''The core problem of [[sustainability]] is how we deal with the [[fear]] of [[decay]] and [[death]]... [T]hat's... something, especially in our society, a big [[taboo]], but... death is a part of [[nature]], and that's just something we have to [[respect]].'''&lt;!--22:24; &amp;t=1344s--&gt;

* '''[[Vulnerability|[V]ulnerability]]'''... in the beginning... was difficult to deal with.., but... it '''is a... source of [[creativity]]''', because... every material... plus every {{w|climate}} is different... and the materials are vulnerable towards the climate... The mud is water resolvable... It's vulnerable, so I have to change my [[Architecture|architectural]] [[language]], and... tailor it... '''[T]hat gives two great {{w|parameter}}s, the climate and... local materials... and the byproduct is.. [[wikt:authentic#Adjective|authentic]] and... unique [[architecture]]'''...&lt;!--23:24; &amp;t=1404s--&gt;

* All the buildings I'm doing are looking different because my architectural language is created out of this vulnerability...&lt;!--24:19; &amp;t=1404s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud|[M]ud]] is my... passion.''' Almost 3 billion people... are living in mud buildings... and it's so important to scale it up... '''[I]t's a material... everywhere available, that needs... [[w:Manual labour|labor]]''', and... we need [[work]] for 7 billion people, '''and it doesn't... [emit] [[w:Carbon dioxide|CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt;]]. ...That's the perfect material that we need for the [[future]]. ...[W]e ...need ...to [[w:Scalability|scale it up]]''', and that's ...the topic of a new book ...I just wrote with Lindsey Blair Howe and Martin Rauch.&lt;!--30:21; &amp;t=1821s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': Anna Heringer, Lindsey Blair Howe, Martin Rauch, ''Upscaling Earth'' (2019) gta Verlag, Zurich.&lt;/small&gt;

* '''[O]ur current studio is dealing with the [[w:Rohingya genocide|Rohingya crisis]] in [[Bangladesh]]. ...[[Mud]] is often used in therapies... to overcome [[trauma]]'''... [W]hile the process... is forming community, it's healing... You feel powerful again, because... '''when you [[w:Construction|build]] the [[house]], you feel [[w:Empowerment|empowered]]... [T]hat's... what we're trying... to contribute'''...&lt;!--32:04, 37:18; &amp;t=2238s, 1924s--&gt;

* '''A person who lives in a [[Beauty|beautiful]], unique environment with a strong {{w|cultural identity}}, where she or he can actively [[w:Public participation (decision making)|participate]], and find [[work]] in [[creativity|creating]] it, is [less] likely at risk to fall toward [[Ideology|ideological]] [[fundamentalism]] in the search for [[meaning]]'''... [T]his kind of fundamentalism is... a danger '''in the [[w:Kutupalong refugee camp|camp]]s. ...[T]hey have nothing to hold on, except their [[religion]], and... have all this [[pain]]'''.., and that often comes out... in an [[Aggression|agressive]]... movement.&lt;!--39:49; &amp;t=2399s--&gt;

* '''[T]he time of star [[Architecture|architects]] is over, but... we need [[wikt:iconic#Adjective|iconic]] [[building]]s... that... give directions and shows some [[vision]]s'''...&lt;!--40:44; &amp;t=2444s--&gt;

* I don't like [[symmetry]] much, but... in that project and... cultural context, the center was... very important, so I started to... go into this central and symmetric... [[meditation]].&lt;!--42:25; &amp;t=2545s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/bamboo-hostels-china/ Three Hostels in Baoxi, a village in China] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') YouTube video, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dK8-s4YeW4 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale China (Longquan)] @StudioAnnaHeringer channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* I'm... working into... smaller scale... interior projects... with Martin Rauch... in Austria, in an interior courtyard.., the hangout area for the employees... with a high tech company.., and we brought in... low tech material...&lt;!--45:43; &amp;t=2743s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/omicron-monolith/ Omicron living rooms] '''2''') [https://dtflr.com/en/projects/omicron-campus-klaus#:~:text=Crossing%20Borders Omicron Campus] (DTFLR)&lt;/small&gt;

* [M]artin [Rauch] and I... wanted to... do... the very basic building techniques.., [[w:Sudano-Sahelian architecture|the Butabu technique]].., taking the wet clay and shaping it with your... hands... [W]e designed... and... built it.., like [[ceramic]]s... these sausages, one layer after the other.., two stories.&lt;!--46:33; &amp;t=2793s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://web.archive.org/web/20130320135454/http://www.wmf.org/sites/default/files/wmf_article/pg_36-39_butabu.pdf Butabu: West Africa's Extraordinary Earthen Legacy] {{w|World Monuments Fund}} (WMF) @WayBackMachine&lt;/small&gt;

* [W]e could have done it with a [[w:Construction 3D printing|3-D plotter]]... but it's such a [[joy]], and it gives... such a connection... [T]hat is... a point... missing in our society. '''We are not making things any more, and this [[joy]] in really being involved, and feeling... how your physical pressure is shaping the architecture and... spaces. This is a joy I would never give into the hands of a [[robot]] or... plotter'''... Once we had the [[hands]] in the [[mud]] and... doing these things... the [[mind]] got a relief... [T]his... we are losing in our parts of the society. We are giving the nicest parts away... [T]hat's something we have to bring back...&lt;!--47:34; &amp;t=2854s--&gt;
 
* [T]his [[w:Natural building|very basic building technique]]... is... almost unaffordable... in our [[economic system]]... Although... [[health]]y for people.., for the planet, and it's creating jobs (so also healthy for the [[society]]), why... punished with a higher price? '''There's something wrong with our economic system..! [A] {{w|carbon tax}}'''... '''would set... the right [[balance]] again.'''&lt;!--49:41; &amp;t=2981s--&gt;

* '''[[Capitalism|[C]apitalism]] is... man-made. It's not a force of nature, and it's... time to change'''...&lt;!--50:33; &amp;t=3033s--&gt;

* '''[T]here is [[1 (number)|one]] [[sustainability]], one approach.., that's a [[wikt:global#Adjective|global]] one, because if something is [[wikt:exclusive#Adjective|exclusive]]'''.., just affordable for one part of the [[society]] or the world's population, '''then it can't.., on a social level, be sustainable.'''&lt;!--51:07; &amp;t=3067s--&gt;

* '''We are [[1 (number)|one]] [[planet]].'''&lt;!--51:22; &amp;t=3082s--&gt;

* '''I [[work]]... looking at the local materials.., the local energy sources.., then adding [[wikt:global#Adjective|global]] [[creativity]]'''...&lt;!--51:29; &amp;t=3089s--&gt;

* '''[[Creativity|[C]reativity]] [[Knowledge|know-how]] should not be limited to one place. That should be coming in from a global scale and... applied to local conditions.'''&lt;!--51:43; &amp;t=3103s--&gt;

* '''I always use... the technique of &quot;claystorming&quot;'''..: [projects] [[design]]ed... on large clay models. ...We think ...how may square meters, how much volume.., and then we start shaping it.&lt;!--51:58; &amp;t=3118s--&gt;

* '''[T]he process is just as important as the outcome... [I]n former times, [[Community|communities]], [[cities]] were coming together [[Creativity|creating]].., [[w:Construction|building]]..,''' a church, a school... [etc.,] '''and that... [[Unity|united]] the {{w|people}}''', because '''you cannot build... alone.''' You have to come together... to manage large scale projects... '''[T]his is a... powerful element that we have lost''' in our societies... (given away to [[w:General contractor|contractors]]), '''and... something... we have to gain back.'''&lt;!--55:15; &amp;t=3118s--&gt;

* '''So we decided... We built [[w:Worms Cathedral#High altar|the altar]] out of [[mud]].''' ...[T]he whole community is coming together to build it. ...And then the [[w:Rammed earth|ramming]] started. ...The people started to bring in their own elements ...[S]omeone ...said, &quot;Oh, I'm from [[France]], and I was a [[Soldiers|soldier]] in [[Algeria]], and my mother gave me that... amulet in... war time and it protected me...&quot; ...The [homesick] [[India]]n nuns ...brought a piece of [[India]]n [[Soil|earth]] ...putting it in ... [and] starting to cry. So... '''[[w:Earth (classical element)|earth]] is much more than a building material. It's... an [[Emotions|emotional]] [[w:Classical element|element]]'''... &lt;!--56:35; &amp;t=3395s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/wormser-doms-sanctuary-interiors/ Wormser Dom's sanctuary interiors] @anna-heringer.com&lt;/small&gt;

* [[Children|[K]ids]] were coming in... from all over the world... mixing the mud... their hands in the mud... and... stamping their feet in the formwork.&lt;!--57:58; &amp;t=3478s--&gt;

* '''The [[priest]].., in the beginning... wasn't... sure about this project.., but then he found in [[the Bible]] a [[Quotations|quote]] where [[Moses]], when he received the [[Ten Commandments]].., received the... direct order how to build the [[altar]].., &quot;It should be made out of mud.&quot;'''&lt;!--59:02; &amp;t=3542s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Bible_(King_James)/Exodus/Chapter_20 20:24 (King James Version)] An altar of earth thou shalt make unto me...&lt;/small&gt; 

* '''We're not lacking of materials, but what we are lacking is [[relationship]]s... and [[meaning]]'''. ...That is ...the [[Symbolism (arts)|symbol]] of the [[altar]]. It brings us back... to the [[essence]]... [W]hat really matters is... relationships and meaning.&lt;!--59:57; &amp;t=3597s--&gt;

* That picture is... very important.., this [[w:Alpha and Omega|alpha and omega]]... [T]o truly build [[Sustainability|sustainable]] '''we have to... embed the Omega. When we design buildings and objects, we should... design how it can go back to the [[Soil|ground]], to... [[nature]] again.'''&lt;!--1:00:28; &amp;t=3628s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Overhead''': Inscription of the Α and Ω on the alter.&lt;/small&gt;

* [T]he most important thing... in my work is raising [[trust]]... in their own [[potential]]s.., [Y]ou can... get rid of the [[strife]].., [[ego]]. Leave space... for [[intuition]]... [Y]ou have everything inside. You don't need... plotters, programs... [etc.] We're getting so... [dependent]. ...[W]e need [[creativity]].., intuition, and we have to give [them] space to... create... surprising [[architecture]].&lt;!--1:00:50; &amp;t=3650s--&gt;

* '''[[Trust|[T]rust]] is... important... [to] bring [[wikt:participation#Noun|participation]] into our projects... [W]e have to [[compromise]] sometimes in [[perfection]], but it brings back... [[meaning]] and [[relationship]]'''.., important in our [[society]]...&lt;!--1:01:27; &amp;t=3687s--&gt;

* '''[[Trust|[T]rust]] in the [beautiful] local materials all around us... [W]e... need to use them... to create a planet that is also there for the {{w|future generations}}.'''&lt;!--1:01:52; &amp;t=3712s--&gt;

* 500 years ago we were able to do this, so with all our [[technology]]... there are no limitations. It's a wide field open for [[innovation]], because... [[w:Earth structure|mud architecture]] has not been much discovered yet. ...I hope ...[[Collegiality|colleague]]s join me in... pushing... forward.&lt;!--1:02:09; &amp;t=3729s--&gt;

* '''[[Architecture|[A]rchitecture]] is a [very powerful] tool to improve lives'''...&lt;!--1:02:40; &amp;t=3760s--&gt;

* '''[I]n the end of my career'''.., adding up all the building budgets.., '''I want to be able to tell myself that... the [[money]]... ended up with {{w|people}}, with [[w:Artisan|craftsmen]], and not just in big pockets of... some [[Industry|industries]], and... that I contributed to [[social justice]], to [[cultural diversity]], and I'm not leaving scars, but a [[Gardens|garden]] behind.'''&lt;!--1:02:47; &amp;t=3767s--&gt;

* '''[W]e should use... [architecture] with all the [[creativity]] that we have, with all our [[wikt:sensitiveness#English:_responsive_empathy|sensitiveness]] and... [[love]]... to make this place, the [[world]].., better, more [[Beauty|beautiful]] and more [[w:Humanity (virtue)|humane]]'''...&lt;!--1:03:17; &amp;t=3797s--&gt;

==== Question and Answer Period ====

* '''I had never seen {{w|humidifier}}s before. ...[I]t's weird to make walls that are completely sealed, that cannot breath.''' ...In winter you have to plug in these instruments. You need a lot of [[electricity]] to get... a {{w|humidity}} that... is comfortable, while... '''my {{w|humidifier}} is my [[mud]] wall at home... It's completely automatic, and it's much more [[health]]y.''' ...I'm living not in a total [[w:Load-bearing wall|load bearing]] mud house, because I'm living in a 500 year old house. So I did a lot... inside... So there's a lot of hybrid versions also possible.&lt;!--1:04:37; &amp;t=3877s--&gt;

* The [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]] is the only thing where it would make sense to get [commercial] material. ...[T]he regulations in the [[w:Kutupalong refugee camp|camp]] are that there should be no lasting material there. So... you have to make {{w|rammed earth}} foundations, which a lot of houses in [[Bangladesh]]... have, also some 2-story houses. It's not that strong.., but... it's possible. It's doable. It just needs to be... a thick rammed earth foundation, and... the walls also have to be comparatively thick.&lt;!--1:07:21; &amp;t=4041s--&gt;

=== Anna Heringer Interview: Leave No Waste, But Knowledge (Feb 25, 2021) ===
:&lt;small&gt;A YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCkKWAjygRE video source] from Louisiana Channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* I... grew up.. surrounded by an architecture that is... [[wikt:archaic#Adjective|archaic]]... and... born out of the material... from that region.&lt;!--1:10; &amp;t=70s--&gt;

* It was fantastic to grow up, [to have] as a... playground... these [[w:Gothic architecture|gothic]]... [[w:Vault (architecture)|vault systems]].., and the lines... built out of the local [[stone]]s... That was... the... tools and the toys that we had... growing up...&lt;!--2:09; &amp;t=129s--&gt; 

* The tradition, the culture of [[Germany|this place]]... as a shaping element is... dominant.., and... raised an interest... in other parts of the [[world]].., to see this from another perspective. That's why I went from {{w|Bavaria}} to [[Bangladesh]].., a completely different cultural context.., to see... how... local traditions... with local resources... is shaping [[architecture]].., and... the search of people on their way to [[happiness]].., the aim, to... reach a [[life]]... in [[balance]] with [[nature]]...&lt;!--2:45; &amp;t=165s--&gt;

* '''[T]here is a lot of similarity between the [[life]]... anywhere... It's always, what existing resources... you have, and how can you use... [[creativity]] to make the best out of it? ...[T]hat's what I'm trying to do with my architecture.'''&lt;!--3:53; &amp;t=233s--&gt;

* '''How... {{w|people}} get together and... build something together.., and this [[identity]]... linked with that, and this [[pride]] when you stand... in front of that [[church]] and say.., &quot;We built it,&quot; and that {{w|community spirit}}... created... [T]his is something... we have to incorporate... It's not just about the outcome and the architecture, but... [[design]]ing the process'''...&lt;!--4:30; &amp;t=270s--&gt;

* [I]n any project... I'm trying to bring in this notion... that... the [[community]] gets together and gets their hands involved in the building process... [T]hen... if you stand in front of that building, you... feel an extreme [[trust]] in your own [[potential]]s and... in the [[Teamwork|team]], the [[community]], and in the local resources...&lt;!--5:03; &amp;t=303s--&gt;

* '''If you have strong roots, then it's much easier to go away and discover new horizons.'''&lt;!--5:54; &amp;t=354s--&gt;

* I'm... an {{w|architect}}, but I'm also a [[w:Community development|development]] worker.., an [[Activism|activist]], and... there's this [[creativity|creative itching]] in me... [I]f I see a need somewhere, and... a [[potential]], then it might, Zing! and then something is coming out...&lt;!--5:54; &amp;t=393s--&gt;

* '''I'm trying to use the [[creativity]], always as a tool to improve [[Life|lives]]'''.&lt;!--6:56; &amp;t=416s--&gt;

* [W]hen I start a project... I try to figure out what are the resources available... in terms of materiality.., [[energy]] sources, and... [[Knowledge|know-how]], [[Workmanship|craft skills]]... [etc.] [I]t's essential that the materials... [and] energy sources are local.., particularly... [[w:Manual labour|human labor]].., a wonderful source of energy. Whenever we think of [[Renewable energy|alternative sources of energy]], we think of [[w:Solar energy|solar]], [[w:Wind power|wind]]... [etc.,] but... the '''human energy is... important, and... if we don't use it, then we create a [[w:Social issue|social problem]]. So this... is the most important energy source'''...&lt;!--7:01; &amp;t=421s--&gt;

* '''Materials... coming from far away... needs a lot of [[transport]]ation, and... it's not needed''' [i.e., necessary]. '''We have fantastic building materials all around.'''&lt;!--8:14; &amp;t=494s--&gt; 

* '''[[Sustainability|[S]ustainability]] is... [[harmony]] with [[nature]], with the [[w:Sociocultural perspective|sociocultural context]],''' [and] '''with the {{w|people}} (the users). ...[I]t's ...doing things with [[love]] and [[wikt:care#Noun|care]], and not just ...on a formal level''' [to] '''[[Problem solving|solve a problem]]... [[Beauty|[B]eauty]]... is an expression of love and... sustainability is a synonym of beauty.'''&lt;!--9:47; &amp;t=587s--&gt;

* '''[T]here is some [[activism]]... in... the sign, &quot;Less {{w|concrete}} more [[Earth]]&quot;... [W]e just can't continue building as we do. It's... just not working.'''&lt;!--10:20; &amp;t=620s--&gt;

* In [[Bangladesh]] the cheapest solution is also the [[Sustainability|sustainable]] one. You just take the dirt from the ground and... build it with your hands. If you do this... in [[Europe]], it's damned expensive! ...[T]hat makes me [[Anger|angry]].&lt;!--10:45; &amp;t=645s--&gt;

* '''[I]t's not a problem of the [[mud]]... or [[w:Earth structure|earthen architecture]], but... a problem with our [[economic system]].''' ...[W]e have to readjust our system and... have a higher price on materials that have... high embodied... [[energy]] {{w|resource}}s... and [that] create a lot of [[w:Greenhouse gas emissions|carbon emissions]]. So we... have to [[w:Carbon tax|tax those]], and... decrease the taxes on [[Manual labor|human labor]]... [T]hat would completely change our [[economic system]]... [and] our [[social system]]. ...[I]t would not just make [[w:Distribution of wealth|a few people rich]], but... would... make... a strong middle {{w|class}}, and really build up {{w|people}}...&lt;!--11:00; &amp;t=660s--&gt;

* '''[W]e have [[1 (number)|one]] [[planet]]''', and we should... [[design]]... [accordingly.]  '''[W]e are one humankind''', and just because I could afford... to build... with a lot of resources... [[steel]].., [[w:Greenhouse gas emissions|carbon emissions]].., {{w|concrete}}, I shouldn't.., because it's... using up more resources than... persons... visiting this [[opera]]... should... consume.&lt;!--12:18; &amp;t=738s--&gt;

* '''[W]henever I'm designing, I... have... in mind... times 7 billion.., considering what would the [[world]] look like if... 7.5 billion people would do it in the same way.'''&lt;!--12:45; &amp;t=765s--&gt;

* If you use that bucket of paint.., it's maybe just a bucket of paint, but if 7 billion people are using that paint that is... [[w:Groundwater pollution|harming the groundwater]]... No, I don't have the right to use that paint, and that's... my approach...&lt;!--13:08; &amp;t=788s--&gt;

* '''It was just [[dirt]],''' and you just pile it somehow into a wall, but... '''[[mud]] was not considered to be equal to [[Bricks|brick]] or... {{w|concrete}}... It was just a [[wikt:temporary#Adjective|temporary]], [[dirt]]y solution. ...[T]he most important part was... to show that... with good [design and] craftsmanship, you can really... improve the quality of [[house]]s'''...&lt;!--14:14; &amp;t=854s--&gt;

* I invited them... [the [[wives]]] to join the site as workers... [T]hat's the nice part with the [[mud]] because it's... [[w:Inclusive design|inclusive]]. You find [[work]] for everyone... We had people with [[Disability|disabilities]] working.., we had [[children]] involved.., and... the [[women]]... [T]hey traditionally do the plastering... with their hands. I said fine, it looks... more beautiful to me. ...After 2 or 3 days they started working with their... wives... [I]t was such a good [[Teamwork|team spirit]]... and... we as architects were also doing the least accepted work, like carrying the mud on their heads... trying to break up [[Hierarchy|hierarchies]] and... foster this team spirit... [T]he women... were getting the same salary as their husbands and working side by side. That really changed also, on the social level, in the village.&lt;!--16:22; &amp;t=982s--&gt;

* [A] good looking architecture is not enough. ...[I]t ...has to bring [[meaning]] to the people, and... add... to a [[health]]y [[Earth|planet]]... [T]hat's what I'm trying to do with the [[work]].&lt;!--18:04; &amp;t=1084s--&gt;

* I deeply believe that '''the [[world]] is not [[Change|changing]] with... [single] big [[decisions]]. It's the every day small decisions that are really shaping our [[w:Built environment|environment]] and our [[society]].'''&lt;!--27:13; &amp;t=1633s--&gt;

* [T]he core problem with [[sustainability]]... [is] that these [[w:Natural building#Materials|natural materials]] are... linked with [[vulnerability]].., but... the vulnerability of [[w:Earth structure|earth]] is also the biggest [[advantage]]... [I]t can go back to the ground without [[Environmental degradation|harming the environment]].&lt;!--28:10; &amp;t=1690s--&gt;

* [W]e are a [[waste]] [[society]], but we are trying to build in the most [[w:Durability|durable]] way. In fact.., we've never built for [[eternity]]. I'm fully OK if my buildings are de-composting one day. ...'''I'm hoping that I'm really leaving no waste, but [[knowledge]]. ...How to build something good out of the local resources. That's my [[Dreams|dream]].'''&lt;!--28:28; &amp;t=1708s--&gt;

* Once an earth building is standing, you couldn't tell if it's there 1 day or... 100s of years. It has immediately this... [[wikt:archaic#Adjective|archaic]] feeling, but it also is not dominant. It's just there, in a very calm and present way, and that would... [[Beauty|beautifully]] blend in this [[History|historic]] surrounding.&lt;!--29:00; &amp;t=1740s--&gt;

=== Architecture is a Tool to Improve Lives (Nov, 2021) ===
:&lt;small&gt;Anna Heringer Lecture, International Conference on Traditional Building Architecture and Urbanism: Timeless Architecture (Nov 17-18, 2021) A [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7JKKFdyZtM YouTube video] from the Fundación Culturas Constructivas Tradicionales channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* [I]n terms of local [[energy]] sources, it was {{w|people}}. ...[W]hen we think of energy sources, we think of [[sun]].., [[wind]].., [[oil]], but we as human beings... are also sources of energy, and we are a growing source. ...We are almost 8 billion people, so we need to use this ...otherwise we create a social problem. '''We need to create [[work]] through [[architecture]].'''&lt;!--3:01; &amp;t=181s--&gt;

* The [[children]] all signed... the doors, and... rightfully.., because they also helped building [[w:METI Handmade School|the school]]. ...[W]ith [[Soil|earth]], it's a wonderful [[w:Inclusive design|inclusive]] material. It's not harmful. You don't need sophisticated tools. You can use... your [[hands]], and it's wonderful to [[touch]]. It's non-[[w:Toxicity|toxic]], so it's... one of the beautiful {{w|asset}}s of [[earth]], that it's so inclusive. We also had people with [[Disability|disabilities]] working.., [[Man|men]].., [[women]] and [[Ageing|elderly]] people.., a fantastic diversity in the [[Teamwork|team]].&lt;!--4:36; &amp;t=276s--&gt;

* '''These walls are hit by horizontal {{w|monsoon}} [[wind]]s since 2005, and the walls are standing strong. We didn't have to repair the walls. ...You have to ...apply ... certain rules, good boots, meaning a good [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]].., a good {{w|roof}}, and then the walls are really standing strong.'''&lt;!--6:08; &amp;t=338s--&gt;

* In terms of [[Economics|economic]] [[sustainability]]... [I]f I had built that school in {{w|concrete}} and [[steel]] this [[money]] would have been lost for the [[community]].&lt;!--6:32; &amp;t=392s--&gt;

* '''[W]hen it comes to economic sustainability, it's never... just low [[cost]]... [T]he question is, who gets the [[profit]], and who gets the [[Benefits|benefit]]..? [T]hat's much more important, anywhere in the [[world]].'''&lt;!--6:32; &amp;t=392s--&gt;

* '''I want to be able in the end.., when I'm... summing up all my budgets at the end of my life.., to be able to tell myself that it ended up with those who really needed it, and not just making the [[Wealth|rich]] [[Industry|industries]] even more rich.'''&lt;!--7:46; &amp;t=466s--&gt;

* The last building I did in... [[w:Rudrapur, Bangladesh|Rudrapur]]... is a center for people with [[Disability|disabilities]], and a workshop for fair clothes production... I wanted to show it's good that we have a [[diversity]].., people that break out of the mode, and that is something [[Beauty|beautiful]].., something to [[Celebration|celebrate]]. So this building is... celebrating this diversity and breaking out of the mold...&lt;!--8:01; &amp;t=481s--&gt;

* [T]his [[w:Inclined plane#Uses|ramp]] winds... all around the building... [I]t's the only ramp in that area... they've ever seen. ...'''[[w:Inclusive design|[I]nclusiveness]] is... a powerful thing in [[architecture]], that you can make... [ideas and concepts] clearly visible.''' ...[U]nderneath the ramp we have caves ...so you can ...crawl in ...and it's part of the [[therapy]]. The [[children]] have to move their bodies in a different way... so they train their muscles... [and] [[w:Motor coordination|coordination]] [[skill]]s, and it's... rewarding... The [[children]] from the village that have no disabilities... sneak in.., but they know they are the [[guests]] of the children with disabilities.., and it's a different zone for connecting with each other.&lt;!--9:03; &amp;t=481s--&gt;

* The [[w:Textile industry in Bangladesh|garment sector]]... in [[Bangladesh]] because... drags... the [[w:Workforce|labor force]] from the villages into... fabrication hubs... The [[women]] have to leave their [[Family|families]]... and live in these... textile hubs where their life is... depending on [[w:Exogenous and endogenous variables|external factors]], where they lose a lot of [[independence]] and... [[w:Quality of life|life quality]]. So '''I wanted to bring in some work [[Opportunity|opportunities]] for the women to be able to stay with their families and... keep the village alive.'''&lt;!--11:05; &amp;t=665s--&gt;

* I was invited in [[China]] for the Bamboo Biennale... [T]he idea was to show and prove that you can build with old materials... in a modern way.&lt;!--14:48; &amp;t=948s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/bamboo-hostels-china/ Three Hostels in Baoxi, a village in China] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') YouTube video, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dK8-s4YeW4 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale China (Longquan)] @StudioAnnaHeringer channel. '''3''')  2016 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale, in Baoxi, Zhejiang province, China. Julien Lanoo photographs: [https://world-architects.com/en/julien-lanoo-comines/project/international-bamboo-architecture-biennale-libab International Bamboo Architecture Biennale (LIBAB)] '''4''') [https://www.cosentino.com/usa/blog/international-bamboo-biennale/ International Bamboo Biennale] @cosentino.com&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/small&gt;

* '''I'm often asked, &quot;Do you want to send people back to the [[Stone Age]]?&quot; Of course not, but it's not a matter of how [[Ageing|old]] a material is. It's a matter of our [[creativity|creative ability]] to use it today.'''&lt;!--16:08; &amp;t=968s--&gt;

* [T]hese ...three [youth] hostels ...we built with... an intensive bamboo weaving structure. The idea was to have a core that has all the facilities, and attached to this core and staircase there are... [bamboo woven] cocoons, like tents or Chinese lampshades. ...They did a fantastic job in the bamboo weaving.&lt;!--16:20; &amp;t=980s--&gt;

* Between 2011 and 2013 [[China]] has consumed more [[w:Portland cement|cement]] than the [[United States]] in the past century. ...This is happening in [[India]] and so many countries around the world... [W]e clearly cannot continue like this. We have to look for alternatives such as [[w:Lumber|timber]].., [[w:Earth structure|earth]]... [etc.]&lt;!--17:10; &amp;t=1030s--&gt;

[[File:Hochaltar im Westchor des Wormser Domes.jpg|thumb|{{w|Worms Cathedral}} High altar of Johann {{w|Balthasar Neumann}}]]
* [A] competition for building a new [[altar]]... was... delicate because, first, it was the 1,000 year old birthday of [[w:Worms Cathedral|the cathedral]], and the interior is... by {{w|Balthasar Neumann}} so it was... difficult to put something in front of it. ...We decided... not to bring the ready-made object, but to bring the tools, the materials and the community [together]... to build... this alter... [and] to celebrate the community.&lt;!--18:26; &amp;t=1106s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/wormser-doms-sanctuary-interiors/ Wormser Dom's sanctuary interiors] @anna-heringer.com&lt;/small&gt;

* Initially the concept was to... [put] in [[History|historic]] elements... from the rich historic times of [[w:Worms, Germany|Worms]], but... people started to bring... personal items.., amulets went in, the best [[wine]].., [[honey]] of the region, [[Newspapers|newspaper articles]], letters, postcards.., and it became more and more... an object [or reflection] of the community. The [[children]]... put in some pink litter...&lt;!--19:10; &amp;t=1150s--&gt;

* We had everyone, from the [[choir]].., the council.., the [[w:Altar server|alter boys and girls]].., standing in front of the finished object.., we couldn't let go. We constantly wanted to [[touch]] it...&lt;!--19:57; &amp;t=1197s--&gt;

* '''You're not just building a building. You also build up a community''', and that's the wonderful thing. '''In the past we came together as a [[society]], built [[w:Town hall|city hall]], built the [[church]], built the [[mosque]]... [etc.] [T]his kind of pulling on one direction to reach one common aim... is something that fostered... community, and now we delegate the act of building... to experts, and we don't have these community building processes... [T]hat's a huge loss, and we have to enable [[wikt:participation#Noun|participation]] again'''.&lt;!--20:17; &amp;t=1217s--&gt;

* '''We are not lacking of materiality. We are lacking of good [[relationship]]s, but this is something the process of construction and [[architecture]] can... provide.'''&lt;!--20:56; &amp;t=1256s--&gt;

* The question is &quot;Form follows what?&quot; '''&quot;{{w|Form follows function}}&quot;... is outdated.''' ...[A]rchitecture ...and society is much more complex, and we have to react to this. ...'''[W]e have a lot of functional.., good-looking buildings, but we need [[meaning]]ful.., [[Beauty|beautiful]] buildings... [T]he question is, &quot;What is [[Reality|real]] beauty?&quot; ...[I]t's a formal expression of [[love]], so.., &quot;Form follows Love!&quot;'''&lt;!--21:07; &amp;t=1267s--&gt;

== Quotes about Heringer ==

* Hand-built in four months by the local community and volunteer architects from Germany and Austria, the School in {{w|Rudrapur, Bangladesh}}, makes use of... local materials to create a new model for school construction that is beautiful, simple and humane. The architects Anna Heringer and Eike Roswag will share the Award with the craftsmen and volunteers.., and the Bangladeshi [[Non-governmental organization|NGO]] for sustainable rural development, Dipshikha.
** Aga Khan Development Network (AKDN) [https://the.akdn/en/resources-media/whats-new/news-release/nine-projects-receive-2007-aga-khan-award-architecture Nine projects receive 2007 Aga Khan Award for Architecture] (Oct 24, 2007)

* &quot;Building Simply&quot;... is typically... utilizing low-cost materials to produce a rudimentary, one-off design. Yet, too rarely does the... process lead to... a viable model for a self-sustainable building culture. In light of this.., the honorary professorship of Anna Heringer and Martin Rauch at the [[w:ETH Zurich|Swiss Federal Technical Institute (ETH) Zurich]] developed two housing prototypes intended... as models of material and process-aware construction. Emphasizing earthen construction as a catalyst for resourceful, low-impact, and self-empowering development, their studio.., &quot;Earthen&quot;, studied... practical solutions to improve... living standards in [[w:Mufindi District|Mdabulo]].., [[Tanzania]]. ...ETH students took part in the construction of the two houses...
** Wayne Switzer, [https://ethz.ch/content/dam/ethz/special-interest/conference-websites-dam/no-cost-housing-dam/documents/Switzer%20Paper.pdf &quot;Building Simply: Earthen Housing Prototypes in Tanzania&quot;] (2016) No Cost Housing Conference, hosted by the [https://wohnforum.arch.ethz.ch/ ETH Wohnforum.]

* [T]he honorary professorship of Anna Heringer and Martin Rauch at the [[w:ETH Zurich|Swiss Federal Technical Institute (ETH) Zurich]] developed two housing prototypes intended to serve as models of material and process-aware construction. The ethos of the Heringer-Rauch professorship emphasizes earthen construction as a catalyst for resourceful, low-impact, and self-empowering development.
** Wayne Switzer, [https://ethz.ch/content/dam/ethz/special-interest/conference-websites-dam/no-cost-housing-dam/documents/Switzer%20Paper.pdf &quot;Building Simply: Earthen Housing Prototypes in Tanzania&quot;] (2016) No Cost Housing Conference, hosted by the [https://wohnforum.arch.ethz.ch/ ETH Wohnforum.]

* During her stays in [[Bangladesh]].., Anna Herington has dealt with the local clay construction technology... with possibilities for improving the traditional construction method. The aim was for the houses to better withstand... heavy rains or floods and... build two-storey... in order to make better use of the space.&lt;br /&gt;In 2005, under the direction of Anna Heringer and Eike Roswag, a now [[w:METI Handmade School|multi-award-winning school building]] was built for the school project METI [Modern Education and Training Institute] made of clay and bamboo. In 2007, they were awarded the prestigious [[w:Aga Khan Award for Architecture|Aga Khan Prize for architecture]] for the building.&lt;br /&gt;In 2007/8, another two-storey clay building planned by Anna Heringer for the DESI [Dipshikha Electrical Skill Improvement] project was built.., [also] in [[w:Rudrapur, Bangladesh|Rudrapur]]. A solar system was installed on the roof of the building, making the building [energy] independent...
** Shanti, &quot;Clay construction (Dipshikha)&quot; in [https://shanti.de/wordpress/project/pilotprojekte#:~:text=Heringer &quot;Pilot projects of our partner organisations&quot;] (Jul 23, 2019)

== See also ==
* [[Architecture]]
* [[Building]]
* [[Education]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://www.anna-heringer.com Anna-Heringer.com]
* [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/person/anna-heringer/ Anna Heringer] @{{w|Harvard Graduate School of Design}} (gsd.harvard.edu)
* [https://ethz.ch/content/dam/ethz/special-interest/conference-websites-dam/no-cost-housing-dam/documents/Switzer_Paper.pdf Building Simply: Earthen Housing Prototypes in Tanzania] by Wayne Switzer, assistant to Guest Professorship Anna Heringer &amp; Martin Rauch, ETH Zürich.
* [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/project/mudworks-exhibition/ Mudworks] design-build installation &amp; exhibition
* [https://www.youtube.com/@StudioAnnaHeringer StudioAnnaHeringer] @YouTube

* YouTube videos
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCkKWAjygRE  Anna Heringer Interview: Leave No Waste, But Knowledge] @Louisiana channel

{{DEFAULTSORT:Heringer, Anna}}
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      <text bytes="56885" sha1="o3r76mfhiz9r1vslj9ugp8w5caol6et" xml:space="preserve">[[File:HeringerAnna4Nov2017ÖsterreichischeLehmbautagung.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;Anna Heringer (Nov 4 2017)&lt;br /&gt;Österreichische Lehmbautagung,&lt;br /&gt;Austrian Earth Building Conference&lt;/center&gt;]]
'''Anna Heringer''' (born 13 October 1977 in {{w|Rosenheim}}) is an {{w|architect}} known for her approach to {{w|sustainable architecture}}, particularly in the realm of [[w:Earth structure|earthen construction]]. Her [[work]] is characterized by the use of local materials and techniques, as well as a commitment to [[community]] [[w:Community engagement|engagement]] and [[Grassroots movement|empowerment]]. Heringer has worked on projects in [[Bangladesh]], [[Morocco]] and [[Austria]], which have garnered international recognition for their appearance, [[w:Functionalism (architecture)|functionality]], and [[sustainability]], most notably the {{w|METI Handmade School}} in {{w|Rudrapur, Bangladesh}}.

== Quotes ==
=== The warmth and wisdom of mud buildings (Apr 2017) ===
:&lt;small&gt;| Anna Heringer, a [[w:TED (conference)|TED]] Talk, '''Creative Commons''' (CC BY–NC–ND 4.0 International) '''license''' [https://www.ted.com/talks/anna_heringer_the_warmth_and_wisdom_of_mud_buildings presentation.] Also see the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7I5BWW-0c8 YouTube video] (Oct 17, 2017) @TED channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* '''[T]here are a lot of resources given by nature for free, and all that we need is our [[w:Sensory processing sensitivity|sensitivity]] to see them, and our [[creativity]] to use them.'''&lt;!--0:49; &amp;t=49s--&gt;

* When I was an architecture student about 13 years ago, I went to [[Bangladesh]], to a remote village called [[w:Rudrapur, Bangladesh|Rudrapur]] with the aim to design and build [[w:METI Handmade School|a school]] as my thesis project. I had lived in that village before when I was 19, and a volunteer at Dipshikha, a Bangladeshi [[Non-governmental organization|NGO]] for rural development... [W]hat I had learned from them was that '''the most [[Sustainability|sustainable]] [[strategy]] for... development''' was to '''cherish and to use your... own resources and [[potential]] and not get dependent on [[w:Exogenous and endogenous variables|external factors]]... [T[his is what I tried to do with my [[architecture]]''', as well.&lt;!--1:06; &amp;t=66s--&gt;

* In terms of '''[[w:Natural building#Materials|suitable building materials]] for my school''', I didn't have to look far. They '''were right under my feet: [[mud]], [[dirt]], [[w:Earth structure|earth]], [[clay]], however you call it, and [[bamboo]] that was growing all around.'''&lt;!--1:43; &amp;t=1039s--&gt;

* [[Electricity]] in remote Bangladesh is rare, but we didn't need it. We had [[human]] [[energy]], and people were happy to have the [[work]]. Tools were an issue too, but we had... [[water buffalo]]es. We had also tried it with [[Cattle|cows]], but interestingly, they were too [[Intelligence|intelligent]]. They were always stepping in the holes of the previous round. They wouldn't mix '''the [[mud]], the {{w|straw}}, the [[sand]]''', which '''are the ingredients in the walls.'''&lt;!--2:01; &amp;t=121s--&gt;

* [E]xcept a small team of consultants like my partner for realization, Eike Roswag and my... cousin, Emmanuel, '''it was... built... [by] craftsmen from the village.'''&lt;!--2:01; &amp;t=121s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/meti-school-bangladesh/ METI school] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') [https://www.nbl.berlin/persons/prof-eike-roswag-klinge/ Eike Roswag-Klinge] @nbl.berlin, Natural Building Lab, {{w|Technische Universität Berlin}}.&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Meti School Exterior.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;{{w|METI Handmade School}}&lt;/center&gt;]]
* [T]he [[w:METI Handmade School|METI school]] after 6 months of construction... [[w:Load-bearing wall|load-bearing]] earth walls that really ground the school and large bamboo structures that bring the lightness in. ...The classroom on the ground floor, attached are the caves ...for reading, for snuggling, for solo work, for meditation, for playing, and the classroom on the top.&lt;!--2:47; &amp;t=167s--&gt;

* The [[children]] all signed... the doors. ...[T]hey ...helped building the school.&lt;!--3:21; &amp;t=201s--&gt;

* '''[C]an you imagine the feeling of a small [[boy]] or a [[Girls|girl]], or an illiterate day-laborer standing in front of that school building.., knowing that you built this out of the ordinary [[bamboo]] and... the [[dirt]] underneath your feet, using nothing but your [[hands]]? That gives such an enormous boost of [[trust]] and [[confidence]] in yourself and the [[community]], and in the material.'''&lt;!--3:36; &amp;t=216s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud|[M]ud]] has a very poor image.''' When we think of mud, we think of [[dirt]]. It's [[Ugliness|ugly]], it's nondurable, and '''this is the image I want to change.'''&lt;!--4:06; &amp;t=246s--&gt;

* [I]t's the 11th rainy season for the school now, really harsh, horizontal monsoon rains, and the walls are standing strong.&lt;!--4:19; &amp;t=259s--&gt;

* [H]ow does that work? '''First rule, a good [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]] that keeps the wall dry from the ground, and second rule, a good {{w|roof}} that protects from the top. The third rule, {{w|erosion}} control.''' Mud walls need speed breakers... so that the rainwater cannot run down the wall fast... [T]hese speed breakers can be lines of [[bamboo]], or [[stone]]s, or {{w|straw}} mixed into the mud. Just like a [[Hills|hill]] needs [[trees]] or [[w:Rock (geology)|rock]]s in order to prevent erosion, it works just the same way.&lt;!--4:19; &amp;t=259s--&gt;

* '''[P]eople always ask me if I have to add {{w|cement}} to the [[mud]], and the answer is no. There is no [[w:Rammed earth#Stabilizer|stabilizer]]''' [in], '''no coating on these walls, only in the [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]].'''&lt;!--5:07; &amp;t=307s--&gt;

* '''[I]f... [the wall] needs repairing''' it is really easy to do. You just '''take the broken part, make it wet.., put it back on the wall''' and it will look the same as before. I wish that would work on me too.&lt;!--5:34; &amp;t=334s--&gt;

* [T]he great thing is, if '''an [[w:Earth structure|earth wall]]''' is not needed anymore, it '''can go back to the [[Soil|ground]] it came from, turn into a [[Gardens|garden]] or get fully [[w:Recycling|recycled]] without any loss of [[quality]]. There is no other material that can do this''', and this is why mud is so excellent in terms of [[Environmental degradation|environmental]] performance.&lt;!--5:50; &amp;t=350s--&gt;

* '''What about [[Economics|economic]] [[sustainability]]?''' When we built [[w:METI Handmade School|the school]], I practically lived on the construction site, and in the evening I used to go with the [[Working class|workers]] to the market... I could see how they spent their [[money]]... [T]hey would buy [[vegetable]]s from their neighbors... [T]hey would get a new haircut, or a new blouse from the tailor. ...'''Because the main part of the building budget was spent on [[Workmanship|craftsmanship]], the school wasn't just a building. It became a real [[wikt:catalyst#English:_change_encourager|catalyst]] for local [[w:Community development|development]]''', and that made me happy.&lt;!--6:12; &amp;t=372s--&gt;

* '''If I had designed the school in {{w|cement}} and [[steel]], this [[money]] would have been exported and lost for those [[Family|families]].'''&lt;!--6:48; &amp;t=408s--&gt;

* The building budget... was 35,000 Euros (it's probably double by now) and this is a lot of money for that region.., especially because this money is working within the community, and [[wikt:multiplier#English:_economic_ratio|rotating]] fast, and not on the stock market.&lt;!--7:01; &amp;t=421s--&gt;

* So when it comes to economic sustainability of my project, '''my main question is, &quot;Who gets the [[profit]]?&quot;'''&lt;!--7:01; &amp;t=421s--&gt;

* '''[A]pproximately 3 billion people all around the planet are living in [[w:Earth structure|earth]] [[house]]s, and it is a traditional building material in [[Europe]], just as much as in [[Africa]].'''&lt;!--7:43; &amp;t=463s--&gt;

* Strangely enough, '''[[mud]] is not considered worthy of being studied at [[universities]], so I brought the [[dirt]] to [[Harvard University|Harvard]]'''... precisely 60 tons of dirt right in front of the main {{w|façade}} of the [[w:Harvard Graduate School of Design|Graduate School of Design]]. ...'''[I]t was particularly fascinating to see how many people were [[touch]]ing the wall'''... [W]e usually don't go around our cities caressing our façades, right? ...'''In terms of [[awareness]]-building and... [[education]] it was like {{w|an acupuncture}} [[w:Myofascial trigger point#Overlap with acupuncture|trigger point]].'''&lt;!--7:57; &amp;t=477s--&gt;

* '''In more and more countries... [[w:Load-bearing wall|load bearing]] [[w:Earth structure|earthen structures]] are not allowed to be built anymore''', although they are [[tradition]]al and have lasted for 100s of years, and '''not because the material is weak, but because there are no {{w|architect}}s and {{w|engineer}}s who know how to deal with that material.'''&lt;!--8:59; &amp;t=539s--&gt;

* '''So [[education]] on all levels, for craftsmen, engineers and architects, is... strongly needed. Equally important is technological development''', like {{w|prefabrication}} developed by my colleague, Martin Rauch.., an Austrian artist and expert in [[w:Earth structure|earthen structures]]... [H]e has created technologies for... prefabrication of {{w|rammed earth}} elements (that include {{w|insulation}}, wall [[w:Heating, ventilation, and air conditioning|heatings and coolings]], and... electrical fittings) that can be layered ...[for] multistorey buildings... [T]his can be important in order to scale up and... [speed] up the process... like in the [[w:Ricola#Ricola herb gardens|Ricola]] Herb Center in [[w:Laufen, Switzerland|Switzerland]].&lt;!--9:17; &amp;t=557s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://eartharchitecture.org/?p=1400 Erden.at , Martin Rauch] @EarthArchitecture.org '''2''') [https://www.lehmtonerde.at/en/story/martin-rauch-from-clay-to-earth-from-craft-to-architecture/ Martin Rauch]– From clay to earth, from craft to architecture @Lehm Ton Erde '''3''') [https://eartharchitecture.org/?p=724 Ricola Herb Centre] @EarthArchitecture.org&lt;/small&gt;

* '''[W]e need... projects that prove you can build with an [[Antiquity|ancient]] material in a very [[Modernity|modern]] way. It is not a matter''' [of] '''how [[Ageing|old]] the material is. It's a matter of our [[Creativity|creative ability]] to use it today.'''&lt;!--9:59; &amp;t=599s--&gt;

* These... are 3 hostels that I did in [[China]]... in the village [[w:Baoxi Township|Baoxi]]... The outside shape is [[w:Bamboo construction|woven bamboo]], and the inside core is [[stone]]s and {{W|rammed earth}}... [I]t is a [[tradition]]al {{w|building material}}. Even '''large parts of the {{w|Great Wall of China}} have been built with rammed earth''', but it's getting replaced by {{w|concrete}}, and this trend is happening very fast.&lt;!--10:16; &amp;t=616s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/bamboo-hostels-china/ Three Hostels in Baoxi, a village in China] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') YouTube video, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dK8-s4YeW4 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale China (Longquan)] @StudioAnnaHeringer channel. '''3''')  2016 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale, in Baoxi, Zhejiang province, China. Julien Lanoo photographs: [https://world-architects.com/en/julien-lanoo-comines/project/international-bamboo-architecture-biennale-libab International Bamboo Architecture Biennale (LIBAB)] '''4''') [https://www.cosentino.com/usa/blog/international-bamboo-biennale/ International Bamboo Biennale] @cosentino.com&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/small&gt;

* '''Within only a couple of years [[China]] has consumed more [[w:Portland cement|cement]] than the [[United States]] in the entire [[20th century]].'''&lt;!--10:45; &amp;t=645s--&gt;

* '''This trend of replacing [[w:Alternative natural materials|natural building materials]] with [[w:Embodied energy|materials... that are energy intensive]], and that [[w:Greenhouse gas emissions|emit]] [[w:Carbon dioxide|CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt;]] is... clearly contributing to [[climate change]]... [W]e have alternatives, such as [[mud]], [[stone]]s, [[w:Lumber|timber]], [[w:Bamboo construction|bamboo]], [[w:Earth structure|earth]], that are totally effective options for all sorts of purposes.'''&lt;!--10:55; &amp;t=655s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud]] is [[health]]y for the planet, but also for the human bodies, and the material is low-tech, but the performance is high-tech.., the earth walls... naturally regulating moisture... [T]his wall in our own home is our {{w|humidifier}}. We love our 6 tons of dirt at home''', not only because it's healthy and sustainable. It's archaic warmth is touching deep within.&lt;!--11:17; &amp;t=677s--&gt;

[[File:مدينة شبام حضرموت.jpg|thumb|{{w|Shibam}}, {{w|Yemen}}]]
* My personal [[Dreams|dream]] is to build a [[mud]] [[skyscraper]] right in [[Manhattan (borough)|Manhattan]]... [T]his dream isn't so crazy if you think of '''the mud city of {{w|Shibam}} in [[Yemen]] that was built in the 16th century, and has lasted now for 500 years. What was possible that long ago is possible today as well, and we can apply all our technical know-how to... these [[Antiquity|ancient]] materials, so that it meets our [[need]]s and our dreams.'''&lt;!--11:54; &amp;t=714s--&gt;

* '''All around us, and just below our feet, are wonderful [[w:Natural building#Materials|natural building materials]]. Let's use them!''' ...I deeply believe '''our [[home]]s, our work spaces, our [[cities]] would become more [[health]]y and [[Sustainability|sustainable]], and more [[Humanity|humane]] and [[Beauty|beautiful]].'''&lt;!--12:30; &amp;t=750s--&gt;

=== Gespräch mit den Lehmbauexperten (Nov 4 2017) ===
:&lt;small&gt;mit Andi Breuss, Anna Heringer, David Kraler, Österreichische-IISCI-IE Lehmbautagung Austrian Earth Building Conference. A '''Creative Commons''' YouTube video source: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAHHz5VqwKY Lehmbauexperten im Gespräch] | Andi Breuss, Anna Heringer (Sep 10, 2019) from the Lightaspect channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* For me, in this field of [[work]], which is mainly in [[Asia]] or [[Africa]]..., [[emancipation]] is very important, that one imparts [[knowledge]] and [[Grassroots movement|empowers people]] for self-construction, or to improve what they know.&lt;!--10:08; &amp;t=608s--&gt; 

* '''[I]t's perfectly fine if my buildings eventually end up on the compost heap, but what is wanted is that the [[knowledge]] remains, that one can simply rebuild it better'''... My passion for [[w:Community development|development]]... is... strong. My passion for [[architecture]] and [[business]] is... the fantastic link between development and... [[w:Architectural design values|architectural design]].&lt;!--10:28; &amp;t=628s--&gt;

* [[w:Earth structure|[T]his material]] is... [[health]]y for people, [[Environmentalism|for the environment]].., for the [[society]] because it creates [[Work|jobs]], and... it's [[Beauty|beautiful]]. ...That's where my motivation to work with it comes from.&lt;!--11:07; &amp;t=667s--&gt;

* [W]e need many more {{w|open source}} resources, but also a  way for people to see a real march of [[knowledge]]. ...[I]t's important that you can buy things as an architect, but... we need to know much more about new open-source resources so that {{w|people}}, even [[Poverty|those without financial means]], can access those...&lt;!--11:30; &amp;t=690s--&gt;

* [[Life]] has a good [[future]], especially when the [[w:Carbon tax|CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt; tax]] comes...&lt;!--17:44; &amp;t=1064s--&gt;

* '''[[Life]] has a chance if ...[[w:Manual labour|human labor]] is... [[Value (ethics)|value]]d... but we have to fight for it'''...&lt;!--18:18; &amp;t=1098s--&gt;

* '''If the [[economic system]] does not support [[w:Natural building|this construction method]] that is [[Social justice|socially just]], [[Ecology|ecological]].., [[health]]y, then this [[economic system]] has to be [[change]]d, because [[capitalism]] is not a [[force]] of [[nature]]. It is created by [[human]]s, and we can always abolish it.'''&lt;!--17:44; &amp;t=1064s--&gt;

=== Aga Khan Program Lecture (Nov 16, 2018) ===
:&lt;small&gt;: Anna Heringer, &quot;Architecture is a Tool to Improve Lives&quot; A [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zej6WPr28ik YouTube video] from the [[w:Harvard Graduate School of Design|Harvard GSD]] channel. Also see [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/event/anna-heringer-architecture-is-a-tool-to-improve-lives/ Anna Heringer, “Architecture is a Tool to Improve Lives”] [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/research/research-initiatives/aga-khan-program-at-the-gsd/ Aga Khan Program] [for Islamic Architecture (AKPIA)] Lecture.&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Meti School Exterior.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;{{w|METI Handmade School}}&lt;/center&gt;]]
[[File:Heringer meti school.jpg|thumb|Meti School, {{w|Haripur, Bangladesh}}, architect {{w|Anna Heringer}}]]
* [W]hat I had learned during my year in [[Bangladesh]] was that '''the most [[Sustainability|sustainable]] and... effective [[strategy]] for [[w:Community development|development]], is to... look at the [[potential]]s... existing and try to make the [[best]] out of it.., not... depending on [[w:Exogenous and endogenous variables|external factors]]'''... [S]even years later '''I tried to transform this [[philosophy]] into [[architecture]].'''&lt;!--7:40; &amp;t=460s--&gt;

* '''[I]n terms of materials.., what was there was just below my feet.., the [[mud]], the [[dirt]], and the [[bamboo]]... growing all around... [I]n terms of [[energy]], it was the {{w|people}}.., [[Happiness|happy]] to have opportunities''' [working] '''on [[w:METI Handmade School|the school]].'''&lt;!--8:03; &amp;t=483s--&gt;

* '''I wanted to show what you can do out of... local, basic materials; that it's not only possible to build small, dark {{w|hut}}s, but... also [[w:Structural engineering|large structures]].'''&lt;!--9:30; &amp;t=570s--&gt;

* [W]hen you... deal with... [[wikt:archaic#Adjective|archaic]] notions.., it doesn't make a difference between a {{w|Bavaria}}n [[Children|child]] and a [[Bangladesh]]i child...&lt;!--10:33; &amp;t=633s--&gt;

* '''The [[children]] all signed with their names on the doors... as [[authors]]''', because... every afternoon they were on the site helping us building. ...[T]hat's a very [[w:Humanity (virtue)|humane]] notion, that... '''even if you're small and... [[Weakness|weak]], you want to be part of the real [[life]]. ...You want to be [[wikt:intrinsic#Adjective|needed]].'''&lt;!--11:56; &amp;t=716s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud|[M]ud]] ...is a very [[wikt:inclusive#English:_of_groups|inclusive]] material.''' ...It is just [[ceramic]]s in a slightly different scale. ...'''[I]t's a wonderful material to [[play]]... and... [[w:Construction|build]] with, and the [[children]] felt extremely [[w:Empowerment|empowered]].'''&lt;!--12:26; &amp;t=746s--&gt;

* '''[T]he third rule is {{w|erosion control}}''', so just as a [[Hills|hill]] needs rocks or trees... to slow... the pace of the water.., '''the [[wall]] needs... on a bigger level.., speed breakers... on the {{w|façade}}, and... on the micro level you have... {{w|straw}}, and... if... {{w|rammed earth}} you have [[stone]]s... so that the façade is... [[w:Self-healing material|self-healing]].''' They are extremely [[w:Compressive strength|strong]] and there is no {{w|cement}} in it except in the [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]].&lt;!--13:43; &amp;t=823s--&gt;

* '''I felt more like a [[w:Conducting|conductor]]... when I could give space to the [[Workmanship|craftsmen]] to bring in their own [[ideas]]''', and I could just moderate... and then I knew when I had to step in and take the lead again... [I]t was a... dynamic... and [[wikt:participation#Noun|participatory]] [process].&lt;!--18:46; &amp;t=1126s--&gt;

* '''[T]he biggest [[learning]] [[experience]] is the things that don't turn out the way you want'''...&lt;!--19:09; &amp;t=1149s--&gt;

* The entire top floor had to be replaced because I had no idea as a [[w:Bavarians|Bavarian]] what is good [[bamboo]] and what [is] not. ...[T]he super nice, green, fresh, sugary bamboo ...was a big party for the [[beetles]]...&lt;!--19:23; &amp;t=1163s--&gt;

* '''[[Vulnerability]] is part of life. ...[[Decay|[D]ecay]] is... normal... [[Hindu]]s... build their cottages every year out of [[mud]], out of [[clay]], and they return it to the [[water]] every year, while we build everything in [[gold]], and in the most durable materials... The holy statues... go into the water in the cycle every year. ...That's something we can ...[[Learning|learn]] from''' ...&lt;!--20:26; &amp;t=1226s--&gt;

* '''We're always thinking... we have to build for [[eternity]]. ...But ...much more important is the [[w:Procedural knowledge|know-how]] that we're leaving behind. ...I'm really ok if my [[building]]s go back to [[nature]] one day ...I really don't think that I'm so important that my buildings have to stand forever. ...If they're needed they will be rebuilt, and the know-how will be passed on from one generation to the next. ...[T]hat's the important thing, that we ...build and create [[knowledge]], and not just [[waste]].'''&lt;!--22:24; &amp;t=1344s--&gt;

* '''The core problem of [[sustainability]] is how we deal with the [[fear]] of [[decay]] and [[death]]... [T]hat's... something, especially in our society, a big [[taboo]], but... death is a part of [[nature]], and that's just something we have to [[respect]].'''&lt;!--22:24; &amp;t=1344s--&gt;

* '''[[Vulnerability|[V]ulnerability]]'''... in the beginning... was difficult to deal with.., but... it '''is a... source of [[creativity]]''', because... every material... plus every {{w|climate}} is different... and the materials are vulnerable towards the climate... The mud is water resolvable... It's vulnerable, so I have to change my [[Architecture|architectural]] [[language]], and... tailor it... '''[T]hat gives two great {{w|parameter}}s, the climate and... local materials... and the byproduct is.. [[wikt:authentic#Adjective|authentic]] and... unique [[architecture]]'''...&lt;!--23:24; &amp;t=1404s--&gt;

* All the buildings I'm doing are looking different because my architectural language is created out of this vulnerability...&lt;!--24:19; &amp;t=1404s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud|[M]ud]] is my... passion.''' Almost 3 billion people... are living in mud buildings... and it's so important to scale it up... '''[I]t's a material... everywhere available, that needs... [[w:Manual labour|labor]]''', and... we need [[work]] for 7 billion people, '''and it doesn't... [emit] [[w:Carbon dioxide|CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt;]]. ...That's the perfect material that we need for the [[future]]. ...[W]e ...need ...to [[w:Scalability|scale it up]]''', and that's ...the topic of a new book ...I just wrote with Lindsey Blair Howe and Martin Rauch.&lt;!--30:21; &amp;t=1821s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': Anna Heringer, Lindsey Blair Howe, Martin Rauch, ''Upscaling Earth'' (2019) gta Verlag, Zurich.&lt;/small&gt;

* '''[O]ur current studio is dealing with the [[w:Rohingya genocide|Rohingya crisis]] in [[Bangladesh]]. ...[[Mud]] is often used in therapies... to overcome [[trauma]]'''... [W]hile the process... is forming community, it's healing... You feel powerful again, because... '''when you [[w:Construction|build]] the [[house]], you feel [[w:Empowerment|empowered]]... [T]hat's... what we're trying... to contribute'''...&lt;!--32:04, 37:18; &amp;t=2238s, 1924s--&gt;

* '''A person who lives in a [[Beauty|beautiful]], unique environment with a strong {{w|cultural identity}}, where she or he can actively [[w:Public participation (decision making)|participate]], and find [[work]] in [[creativity|creating]] it, is [less] likely at risk to fall toward [[Ideology|ideological]] [[fundamentalism]] in the search for [[meaning]]'''... [T]his kind of fundamentalism is... a danger '''in the [[w:Kutupalong refugee camp|camp]]s. ...[T]hey have nothing to hold on, except their [[religion]], and... have all this [[pain]]'''.., and that often comes out... in an [[Aggression|agressive]]... movement.&lt;!--39:49; &amp;t=2399s--&gt;

* '''[T]he time of star [[Architecture|architects]] is over, but... we need [[wikt:iconic#Adjective|iconic]] [[building]]s... that... give directions and shows some [[vision]]s'''...&lt;!--40:44; &amp;t=2444s--&gt;

* I don't like [[symmetry]] much, but... in that project and... cultural context, the center was... very important, so I started to... go into this central and symmetric... [[meditation]].&lt;!--42:25; &amp;t=2545s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/bamboo-hostels-china/ Three Hostels in Baoxi, a village in China] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') YouTube video, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dK8-s4YeW4 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale China (Longquan)] @StudioAnnaHeringer channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* I'm... working into... smaller scale... interior projects... with Martin Rauch... in Austria, in an interior courtyard.., the hangout area for the employees... with a high tech company.., and we brought in... low tech material...&lt;!--45:43; &amp;t=2743s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/omicron-monolith/ Omicron living rooms] '''2''') [https://dtflr.com/en/projects/omicron-campus-klaus#:~:text=Crossing%20Borders Omicron Campus] (DTFLR)&lt;/small&gt;

* [M]artin [Rauch] and I... wanted to... do... the very basic building techniques.., [[w:Sudano-Sahelian architecture|the Butabu technique]].., taking the wet clay and shaping it with your... hands... [W]e designed... and... built it.., like [[ceramic]]s... these sausages, one layer after the other.., two stories.&lt;!--46:33; &amp;t=2793s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://web.archive.org/web/20130320135454/http://www.wmf.org/sites/default/files/wmf_article/pg_36-39_butabu.pdf Butabu: West Africa's Extraordinary Earthen Legacy] {{w|World Monuments Fund}} (WMF) @WayBackMachine&lt;/small&gt;

* [W]e could have done it with a [[w:Construction 3D printing|3-D plotter]]... but it's such a [[joy]], and it gives... such a connection... [T]hat is... a point... missing in our society. '''We are not making things any more, and this [[joy]] in really being involved, and feeling... how your physical pressure is shaping the architecture and... spaces. This is a joy I would never give into the hands of a [[robot]] or... plotter'''... Once we had the [[hands]] in the [[mud]] and... doing these things... the [[mind]] got a relief... [T]his... we are losing in our parts of the society. We are giving the nicest parts away... [T]hat's something we have to bring back...&lt;!--47:34; &amp;t=2854s--&gt;
 
* [T]his [[w:Natural building|very basic building technique]]... is... almost unaffordable... in our [[economic system]]... Although... [[health]]y for people.., for the planet, and it's creating jobs (so also healthy for the [[society]]), why... punished with a higher price? '''There's something wrong with our economic system..! [A] {{w|carbon tax}}'''... '''would set... the right [[balance]] again.'''&lt;!--49:41; &amp;t=2981s--&gt;

* '''[[Capitalism|[C]apitalism]] is... man-made. It's not a force of nature, and it's... time to change'''...&lt;!--50:33; &amp;t=3033s--&gt;

* '''[T]here is [[1 (number)|one]] [[sustainability]], one approach.., that's a [[wikt:global#Adjective|global]] one, because if something is [[wikt:exclusive#Adjective|exclusive]]'''.., just affordable for one part of the [[society]] or the world's population, '''then it can't.., on a social level, be sustainable.'''&lt;!--51:07; &amp;t=3067s--&gt;

* '''We are [[1 (number)|one]] [[planet]].'''&lt;!--51:22; &amp;t=3082s--&gt;

* '''I [[work]]... looking at the local materials.., the local energy sources.., then adding [[wikt:global#Adjective|global]] [[creativity]]'''...&lt;!--51:29; &amp;t=3089s--&gt;

* '''[[Creativity|[C]reativity]] [[Knowledge|know-how]] should not be limited to one place. That should be coming in from a global scale and... applied to local conditions.'''&lt;!--51:43; &amp;t=3103s--&gt;

* '''I always use... the technique of &quot;claystorming&quot;'''..: [projects] [[design]]ed... on large clay models. ...We think ...how may square meters, how much volume.., and then we start shaping it.&lt;!--51:58; &amp;t=3118s--&gt;

* '''[T]he process is just as important as the outcome... [I]n former times, [[Community|communities]], [[cities]] were coming together [[Creativity|creating]].., [[w:Construction|building]]..,''' a church, a school... [etc.,] '''and that... [[Unity|united]] the {{w|people}}''', because '''you cannot build... alone.''' You have to come together... to manage large scale projects... '''[T]his is a... powerful element that we have lost''' in our societies... (given away to [[w:General contractor|contractors]]), '''and... something... we have to gain back.'''&lt;!--55:15; &amp;t=3118s--&gt;

* '''So we decided... We built [[w:Worms Cathedral#High altar|the altar]] out of [[mud]].''' ...[T]he whole community is coming together to build it. ...And then the [[w:Rammed earth|ramming]] started. ...The people started to bring in their own elements ...[S]omeone ...said, &quot;Oh, I'm from [[France]], and I was a [[Soldiers|soldier]] in [[Algeria]], and my mother gave me that... amulet in... war time and it protected me...&quot; ...The [homesick] [[India]]n nuns ...brought a piece of [[India]]n [[Soil|earth]] ...putting it in ... [and] starting to cry. So... '''[[w:Earth (classical element)|earth]] is much more than a building material. It's... an [[Emotions|emotional]] [[w:Classical element|element]]'''... &lt;!--56:35; &amp;t=3395s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/wormser-doms-sanctuary-interiors/ Wormser Dom's sanctuary interiors] @anna-heringer.com&lt;/small&gt;

* [[Children|[K]ids]] were coming in... from all over the world... mixing the mud... their hands in the mud... and... stamping their feet in the formwork.&lt;!--57:58; &amp;t=3478s--&gt;

* '''The [[priest]].., in the beginning... wasn't... sure about this project.., but then he found in [[the Bible]] a [[Quotations|quote]] where [[Moses]], when he received the [[Ten Commandments]].., received the... direct order how to build the [[altar]].., &quot;It should be made out of mud.&quot;'''&lt;!--59:02; &amp;t=3542s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Bible_(King_James)/Exodus/Chapter_20 20:24 (King James Version)] An altar of earth thou shalt make unto me...&lt;/small&gt; 

* '''We're not lacking of materials, but what we are lacking is [[relationship]]s... and [[meaning]]'''. ...That is ...the [[Symbolism (arts)|symbol]] of the [[altar]]. It brings us back... to the [[essence]]... [W]hat really matters is... relationships and meaning.&lt;!--59:57; &amp;t=3597s--&gt;

* That picture is... very important.., this [[w:Alpha and Omega|alpha and omega]]... [T]o truly build [[Sustainability|sustainable]] '''we have to... embed the Omega. When we design buildings and objects, we should... design how it can go back to the [[Soil|ground]], to... [[nature]] again.'''&lt;!--1:00:28; &amp;t=3628s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Overhead''': Inscription of the Α and Ω on the alter.&lt;/small&gt;

* [T]he most important thing... in my work is raising [[trust]]... in their own [[potential]]s.., [Y]ou can... get rid of the [[strife]].., [[ego]]. Leave space... for [[intuition]]... [Y]ou have everything inside. You don't need... plotters, programs... [etc.] We're getting so... [dependent]. ...[W]e need [[creativity]].., intuition, and we have to give [them] space to... create... surprising [[architecture]].&lt;!--1:00:50; &amp;t=3650s--&gt;

* '''[[Trust|[T]rust]] is... important... [to] bring [[wikt:participation#Noun|participation]] into our projects... [W]e have to [[compromise]] sometimes in [[perfection]], but it brings back... [[meaning]] and [[relationship]]'''.., important in our [[society]]...&lt;!--1:01:27; &amp;t=3687s--&gt;

* '''[[Trust|[T]rust]] in the [beautiful] local materials all around us... [W]e... need to use them... to create a planet that is also there for the {{w|future generations}}.'''&lt;!--1:01:52; &amp;t=3712s--&gt;

* 500 years ago we were able to do this, so with all our [[technology]]... there are no limitations. It's a wide field open for [[innovation]], because... [[w:Earth structure|mud architecture]] has not been much discovered yet. ...I hope ...[[Collegiality|colleague]]s join me in... pushing... forward.&lt;!--1:02:09; &amp;t=3729s--&gt;

* '''[[Architecture|[A]rchitecture]] is a [very powerful] tool to improve lives'''...&lt;!--1:02:40; &amp;t=3760s--&gt;

* '''[I]n the end of my career'''.., adding up all the building budgets.., '''I want to be able to tell myself that... the [[money]]... ended up with {{w|people}}, with [[w:Artisan|craftsmen]], and not just in big pockets of... some [[Industry|industries]], and... that I contributed to [[social justice]], to [[cultural diversity]], and I'm not leaving scars, but a [[Gardens|garden]] behind.'''&lt;!--1:02:47; &amp;t=3767s--&gt;

* '''[W]e should use... [architecture] with all the [[creativity]] that we have, with all our [[wikt:sensitiveness#English:_responsive_empathy|sensitiveness]] and... [[love]]... to make this place, the [[world]].., better, more [[Beauty|beautiful]] and more [[w:Humanity (virtue)|humane]]'''...&lt;!--1:03:17; &amp;t=3797s--&gt;

==== Question and Answer Period ====

* '''I had never seen {{w|humidifier}}s before. ...[I]t's weird to make walls that are completely sealed, that cannot breath.''' ...In winter you have to plug in these instruments. You need a lot of [[electricity]] to get... a {{w|humidity}} that... is comfortable, while... '''my {{w|humidifier}} is my [[mud]] wall at home... It's completely automatic, and it's much more [[health]]y.''' ...I'm living not in a total [[w:Load-bearing wall|load bearing]] mud house, because I'm living in a 500 year old house. So I did a lot... inside... So there's a lot of hybrid versions also possible.&lt;!--1:04:37; &amp;t=3877s--&gt;

* The [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]] is the only thing where it would make sense to get [commercial] material. ...[T]he regulations in the [[w:Kutupalong refugee camp|camp]] are that there should be no lasting material there. So... you have to make {{w|rammed earth}} foundations, which a lot of houses in [[Bangladesh]]... have, also some 2-story houses. It's not that strong.., but... it's possible. It's doable. It just needs to be... a thick rammed earth foundation, and... the walls also have to be comparatively thick.&lt;!--1:07:21; &amp;t=4041s--&gt;

=== Anna Heringer Interview: Leave No Waste, But Knowledge (Feb 25, 2021) ===
:&lt;small&gt;A YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCkKWAjygRE video source] from Louisiana Channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* I... grew up.. surrounded by an architecture that is... [[wikt:archaic#Adjective|archaic]]... and... born out of the material... from that region.&lt;!--1:10; &amp;t=70s--&gt;

* It was fantastic to grow up, [to have] as a... playground... these [[w:Gothic architecture|gothic]]... [[w:Vault (architecture)|vault systems]].., and the lines... built out of the local [[stone]]s... That was... the... tools and the toys that we had... growing up...&lt;!--2:09; &amp;t=129s--&gt; 

* The tradition, the culture of [[Germany|this place]]... as a shaping element is... dominant.., and... raised an interest... in other parts of the [[world]].., to see this from another perspective. That's why I went from {{w|Bavaria}} to [[Bangladesh]].., a completely different cultural context.., to see... how... local traditions... with local resources... is shaping [[architecture]].., and... the search of people on their way to [[happiness]].., the aim, to... reach a [[life]]... in [[balance]] with [[nature]]...&lt;!--2:45; &amp;t=165s--&gt;

* '''[T]here is a lot of similarity between the [[life]]... anywhere... It's always, what existing resources... you have, and how can you use... [[creativity]] to make the best out of it? ...[T]hat's what I'm trying to do with my architecture.'''&lt;!--3:53; &amp;t=233s--&gt;

* '''How... {{w|people}} get together and... build something together.., and this [[identity]]... linked with that, and this [[pride]] when you stand... in front of that [[church]] and say.., &quot;We built it,&quot; and that {{w|community spirit}}... created... [T]his is something... we have to incorporate... It's not just about the outcome and the architecture, but... [[design]]ing the process'''...&lt;!--4:30; &amp;t=270s--&gt;

* [I]n any project... I'm trying to bring in this notion... that... the [[community]] gets together and gets their hands involved in the building process... [T]hen... if you stand in front of that building, you... feel an extreme [[trust]] in your own [[potential]]s and... in the [[Teamwork|team]], the [[community]], and in the local resources...&lt;!--5:03; &amp;t=303s--&gt;

* '''If you have strong roots, then it's much easier to go away and discover new horizons.'''&lt;!--5:54; &amp;t=354s--&gt;

* I'm... an {{w|architect}}, but I'm also a [[w:Community development|development]] worker.., an [[Activism|activist]], and... there's this [[creativity|creative itching]] in me... [I]f I see a need somewhere, and... a [[potential]], then it might, Zing! and then something is coming out...&lt;!--5:54; &amp;t=393s--&gt;

* '''I'm trying to use the [[creativity]], always as a tool to improve [[Life|lives]]'''.&lt;!--6:56; &amp;t=416s--&gt;

* [W]hen I start a project... I try to figure out what are the resources available... in terms of materiality.., [[energy]] sources, and... [[Knowledge|know-how]], [[Workmanship|craft skills]]... [etc.] [I]t's essential that the materials... [and] energy sources are local.., particularly... [[w:Manual labour|human labor]].., a wonderful source of energy. Whenever we think of [[Renewable energy|alternative sources of energy]], we think of [[w:Solar energy|solar]], [[w:Wind power|wind]]... [etc.,] but... the '''human energy is... important, and... if we don't use it, then we create a [[w:Social issue|social problem]]. So this... is the most important energy source'''...&lt;!--7:01; &amp;t=421s--&gt;

* '''Materials... coming from far away... needs a lot of [[transport]]ation, and... it's not needed''' [i.e., necessary]. '''We have fantastic building materials all around.'''&lt;!--8:14; &amp;t=494s--&gt; 

* '''[[Sustainability|[S]ustainability]] is... [[harmony]] with [[nature]], with the [[w:Sociocultural perspective|sociocultural context]],''' [and] '''with the {{w|people}} (the users). ...[I]t's ...doing things with [[love]] and [[wikt:care#Noun|care]], and not just ...on a formal level''' [to] '''[[Problem solving|solve a problem]]... [[Beauty|[B]eauty]]... is an expression of love and... sustainability is a synonym of beauty.'''&lt;!--9:47; &amp;t=587s--&gt;

* '''[T]here is some [[activism]]... in... the sign, &quot;Less {{w|concrete}} more [[Earth]]&quot;... [W]e just can't continue building as we do. It's... just not working.'''&lt;!--10:20; &amp;t=620s--&gt;

* In [[Bangladesh]] the cheapest solution is also the [[Sustainability|sustainable]] one. You just take the dirt from the ground and... build it with your hands. If you do this... in [[Europe]], it's damned expensive! ...[T]hat makes me [[Anger|angry]].&lt;!--10:45; &amp;t=645s--&gt;

* '''[I]t's not a problem of the [[mud]]... or [[w:Earth structure|earthen architecture]], but... a problem with our [[economic system]].''' ...[W]e have to readjust our system and... have a higher price on materials that have... high embodied... [[energy]] {{w|resource}}s... and [that] create a lot of [[w:Greenhouse gas emissions|carbon emissions]]. So we... have to [[w:Carbon tax|tax those]], and... decrease the taxes on [[Manual labor|human labor]]... [T]hat would completely change our [[economic system]]... [and] our [[social system]]. ...[I]t would not just make [[w:Distribution of wealth|a few people rich]], but... would... make... a strong middle {{w|class}}, and really build up {{w|people}}...&lt;!--11:00; &amp;t=660s--&gt;

* '''[W]e have [[1 (number)|one]] [[planet]]''', and we should... [[design]]... [accordingly.]  '''[W]e are one humankind''', and just because I could afford... to build... with a lot of resources... [[steel]].., [[w:Greenhouse gas emissions|carbon emissions]].., {{w|concrete}}, I shouldn't.., because it's... using up more resources than... persons... visiting this [[opera]]... should... consume.&lt;!--12:18; &amp;t=738s--&gt;

* '''[W]henever I'm designing, I... have... in mind... times 7 billion.., considering what would the [[world]] look like if... 7.5 billion people would do it in the same way.'''&lt;!--12:45; &amp;t=765s--&gt;

* If you use that bucket of paint.., it's maybe just a bucket of paint, but if 7 billion people are using that paint that is... [[w:Groundwater pollution|harming the groundwater]]... No, I don't have the right to use that paint, and that's... my approach...&lt;!--13:08; &amp;t=788s--&gt;

* '''It was just [[dirt]],''' and you just pile it somehow into a wall, but... '''[[mud]] was not considered to be equal to [[Bricks|brick]] or... {{w|concrete}}... It was just a [[wikt:temporary#Adjective|temporary]], [[dirt]]y solution. ...[T]he most important part was... to show that... with good [design and] craftsmanship, you can really... improve the quality of [[house]]s'''...&lt;!--14:14; &amp;t=854s--&gt;

* I invited them... [the [[wives]]] to join the site as workers... [T]hat's the nice part with the [[mud]] because it's... [[w:Inclusive design|inclusive]]. You find [[work]] for everyone... We had people with [[Disability|disabilities]] working.., we had [[children]] involved.., and... the [[women]]... [T]hey traditionally do the plastering... with their hands. I said fine, it looks... more beautiful to me. ...After 2 or 3 days they started working with their... wives... [I]t was such a good [[Teamwork|team spirit]]... and... we as architects were also doing the least accepted work, like carrying the mud on their heads... trying to break up [[Hierarchy|hierarchies]] and... foster this team spirit... [T]he women... were getting the same salary as their husbands and working side by side. That really changed also, on the social level, in the village.&lt;!--16:22; &amp;t=982s--&gt;

* [A] good looking architecture is not enough. ...[I]t ...has to bring [[meaning]] to the people, and... add... to a [[health]]y [[Earth|planet]]... [T]hat's what I'm trying to do with the [[work]].&lt;!--18:04; &amp;t=1084s--&gt;

* I deeply believe that '''the [[world]] is not [[Change|changing]] with... [single] big [[decisions]]. It's the every day small decisions that are really shaping our [[w:Built environment|environment]] and our [[society]].'''&lt;!--27:13; &amp;t=1633s--&gt;

* [T]he core problem with [[sustainability]]... [is] that these [[w:Natural building#Materials|natural materials]] are... linked with [[vulnerability]].., but... the vulnerability of [[w:Earth structure|earth]] is also the biggest [[advantage]]... [I]t can go back to the ground without [[Environmental degradation|harming the environment]].&lt;!--28:10; &amp;t=1690s--&gt;

* [W]e are a [[waste]] [[society]], but we are trying to build in the most [[w:Durability|durable]] way. In fact.., we've never built for [[eternity]]. I'm fully OK if my buildings are de-composting one day. ...'''I'm hoping that I'm really leaving no waste, but [[knowledge]]. ...How to build something good out of the local resources. That's my [[Dreams|dream]].'''&lt;!--28:28; &amp;t=1708s--&gt;

* Once an earth building is standing, you couldn't tell if it's there 1 day or... 100s of years. It has immediately this... [[wikt:archaic#Adjective|archaic]] feeling, but it also is not dominant. It's just there, in a very calm and present way, and that would... [[Beauty|beautifully]] blend in this [[History|historic]] surrounding.&lt;!--29:00; &amp;t=1740s--&gt;

=== Architecture is a Tool to Improve Lives (Nov, 2021) ===
:&lt;small&gt;Anna Heringer Lecture, International Conference on Traditional Building Architecture and Urbanism: Timeless Architecture (Nov 17-18, 2021) A [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7JKKFdyZtM YouTube video] from the Fundación Culturas Constructivas Tradicionales channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* [I]n terms of local [[energy]] sources, it was {{w|people}}. ...[W]hen we think of energy sources, we think of [[sun]].., [[wind]].., [[oil]], but we as human beings... are also sources of energy, and we are a growing source. ...We are almost 8 billion people, so we need to use this ...otherwise we create a social problem. '''We need to create [[work]] through [[architecture]].'''&lt;!--3:01; &amp;t=181s--&gt;

* The [[children]] all signed... the doors, and... rightfully.., because they also helped building [[w:METI Handmade School|the school]]. ...[W]ith [[Soil|earth]], it's a wonderful [[w:Inclusive design|inclusive]] material. It's not harmful. You don't need sophisticated tools. You can use... your [[hands]], and it's wonderful to [[touch]]. It's non-[[w:Toxicity|toxic]], so it's... one of the beautiful {{w|asset}}s of [[earth]], that it's so inclusive. We also had people with [[Disability|disabilities]] working.., [[Man|men]].., [[women]] and [[Ageing|elderly]] people.., a fantastic diversity in the [[Teamwork|team]].&lt;!--4:36; &amp;t=276s--&gt;

* '''These walls are hit by horizontal {{w|monsoon}} [[wind]]s since 2005, and the walls are standing strong. We didn't have to repair the walls. ...You have to ...apply ... certain rules, good boots, meaning a good [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]].., a good {{w|roof}}, and then the walls are really standing strong.'''&lt;!--6:08; &amp;t=338s--&gt;

* In terms of [[Economics|economic]] [[sustainability]]... [I]f I had built that school in {{w|concrete}} and [[steel]] this [[money]] would have been lost for the [[community]].&lt;!--6:32; &amp;t=392s--&gt;

* '''[W]hen it comes to economic sustainability, it's never... just low [[cost]]... [T]he question is, who gets the [[profit]], and who gets the [[Benefits|benefit]]..? [T]hat's much more important, anywhere in the [[world]].'''&lt;!--6:32; &amp;t=392s--&gt;

* '''I want to be able in the end.., when I'm... summing up all my budgets at the end of my life.., to be able to tell myself that it ended up with those who really needed it, and not just making the [[Wealth|rich]] [[Industry|industries]] even more rich.'''&lt;!--7:46; &amp;t=466s--&gt;

* The last building I did in... [[w:Rudrapur, Bangladesh|Rudrapur]]... is a center for people with [[Disability|disabilities]], and a workshop for fair clothes production... I wanted to show it's good that we have a [[diversity]].., people that break out of the mode, and that is something [[Beauty|beautiful]].., something to [[Celebration|celebrate]]. So this building is... celebrating this diversity and breaking out of the mold...&lt;!--8:01; &amp;t=481s--&gt;

* [T]his [[w:Inclined plane#Uses|ramp]] winds... all around the building... [I]t's the only ramp in that area... they've ever seen. ...'''[[w:Inclusive design|[I]nclusiveness]] is... a powerful thing in [[architecture]], that you can make... [ideas and concepts] clearly visible.''' ...[U]nderneath the ramp we have caves ...so you can ...crawl in ...and it's part of the [[therapy]]. The [[children]] have to move their bodies in a different way... so they train their muscles... [and] [[w:Motor coordination|coordination]] [[skill]]s, and it's... rewarding... The [[children]] from the village that have no disabilities... sneak in.., but they know they are the [[guests]] of the children with disabilities.., and it's a different zone for connecting with each other.&lt;!--9:03; &amp;t=481s--&gt;

* The [[w:Textile industry in Bangladesh|garment sector]]... in [[Bangladesh]] because... drags... the [[w:Workforce|labor force]] from the villages into... fabrication hubs... The [[women]] have to leave their [[Family|families]]... and live in these... textile hubs where their life is... depending on [[w:Exogenous and endogenous variables|external factors]], where they lose a lot of [[independence]] and... [[w:Quality of life|life quality]]. So '''I wanted to bring in some work [[Opportunity|opportunities]] for the women to be able to stay with their families and... keep the village alive.'''&lt;!--11:05; &amp;t=665s--&gt;

* I was invited in [[China]] for the Bamboo Biennale... [T]he idea was to show and prove that you can build with old materials... in a modern way.&lt;!--14:48; &amp;t=948s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/bamboo-hostels-china/ Three Hostels in Baoxi, a village in China] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') YouTube video, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dK8-s4YeW4 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale China (Longquan)] @StudioAnnaHeringer channel. '''3''')  2016 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale, in Baoxi, Zhejiang province, China. Julien Lanoo photographs: [https://world-architects.com/en/julien-lanoo-comines/project/international-bamboo-architecture-biennale-libab International Bamboo Architecture Biennale (LIBAB)] '''4''') [https://www.cosentino.com/usa/blog/international-bamboo-biennale/ International Bamboo Biennale] @cosentino.com&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/small&gt;

* '''I'm often asked, &quot;Do you want to send people back to the [[Stone Age]]?&quot; Of course not, but it's not a matter of how [[Ageing|old]] a material is. It's a matter of our [[creativity|creative ability]] to use it today.'''&lt;!--16:08; &amp;t=968s--&gt;

* [T]hese ...three [youth] hostels ...we built with... an intensive bamboo weaving structure. The idea was to have a core that has all the facilities, and attached to this core and staircase there are... [bamboo woven] cocoons, like tents or Chinese lampshades. ...They did a fantastic job in the bamboo weaving.&lt;!--16:20; &amp;t=980s--&gt;

* Between 2011 and 2013 [[China]] has consumed more [[w:Portland cement|cement]] than the [[United States]] in the past century. ...This is happening in [[India]] and so many countries around the world... [W]e clearly cannot continue like this. We have to look for alternatives such as [[w:Lumber|timber]].., [[w:Earth structure|earth]]... [etc.]&lt;!--17:10; &amp;t=1030s--&gt;

[[File:Hochaltar im Westchor des Wormser Domes.jpg|thumb|{{w|Worms Cathedral}} High altar of Johann {{w|Balthasar Neumann}}]]
* [A] competition for building a new [[altar]]... was... delicate because, first, it was the 1,000 year old birthday of [[w:Worms Cathedral|the cathedral]], and the interior is... by {{w|Balthasar Neumann}} so it was... difficult to put something in front of it. ...We decided... not to bring the ready-made object, but to bring the tools, the materials and the community [together]... to build... this alter... [and] to celebrate the community.&lt;!--18:26; &amp;t=1106s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/wormser-doms-sanctuary-interiors/ Wormser Dom's sanctuary interiors] @anna-heringer.com&lt;/small&gt;

* Initially the concept was to... [put] in [[History|historic]] elements... from the rich historic times of [[w:Worms, Germany|Worms]], but... people started to bring... personal items.., amulets went in, the best [[wine]].., [[honey]] of the region, [[Newspapers|newspaper articles]], letters, postcards.., and it became more and more... an object [or reflection] of the community. The [[children]]... put in some pink litter...&lt;!--19:10; &amp;t=1150s--&gt;

* We had everyone, from the [[choir]].., the council.., the [[w:Altar server|alter boys and girls]].., standing in front of the finished object.., we couldn't let go. We constantly wanted to [[touch]] it...&lt;!--19:57; &amp;t=1197s--&gt;

* '''You're not just building a building. You also build up a community''', and that's the wonderful thing. '''In the past we came together as a [[society]], built [[w:Town hall|city hall]], built the [[church]], built the [[mosque]]... [etc.] [T]his kind of pulling on one direction to reach one common aim... is something that fostered... community, and now we delegate the act of building... to experts, and we don't have these community building processes... [T]hat's a huge loss, and we have to enable [[wikt:participation#Noun|participation]] again'''.&lt;!--20:17; &amp;t=1217s--&gt;

* '''We are not lacking of materiality. We are lacking of good [[relationship]]s, but this is something the process of construction and [[architecture]] can... provide.'''&lt;!--20:56; &amp;t=1256s--&gt;

* The question is &quot;Form follows what?&quot; '''&quot;{{w|Form follows function}}&quot;... is outdated.''' ...[A]rchitecture ...and society is much more complex, and we have to react to this. ...'''[W]e have a lot of functional.., good-looking buildings, but we need [[meaning]]ful.., [[Beauty|beautiful]] buildings... [T]he question is, &quot;What is [[Reality|real]] beauty?&quot; ...[I]t's a formal expression of [[love]], so.., &quot;Form follows Love!&quot;'''&lt;!--21:07; &amp;t=1267s--&gt;

== Quotes about Heringer ==

* Hand-built in four months by the local community and volunteer architects from Germany and Austria, the School in {{w|Rudrapur, Bangladesh}}, makes use of... local materials to create a new model for school construction that is beautiful, simple and humane. The architects Anna Heringer and Eike Roswag will share the Award with the craftsmen and volunteers.., and the Bangladeshi [[Non-governmental organization|NGO]] for sustainable rural development, Dipshikha.
** Aga Khan Development Network (AKDN) [https://the.akdn/en/resources-media/whats-new/news-release/nine-projects-receive-2007-aga-khan-award-architecture Nine projects receive 2007 Aga Khan Award for Architecture] (Oct 24, 2007)

* &quot;Building Simply&quot;... is typically... utilizing low-cost materials to produce a rudimentary, one-off design. Yet, too rarely does the... process lead to... a viable model for a self-sustainable building culture. In light of this.., the honorary professorship of Anna Heringer and Martin Rauch at the [[w:ETH Zurich|Swiss Federal Technical Institute (ETH) Zurich]] developed two housing prototypes intended... as models of material and process-aware construction. Emphasizing earthen construction as a catalyst for resourceful, low-impact, and self-empowering development, their studio.., &quot;Earthen&quot;, studied... practical solutions to improve... living standards in [[w:Mufindi District|Mdabulo]].., [[Tanzania]]. ...ETH students took part in the construction of the two houses...
** Wayne Switzer, [https://ethz.ch/content/dam/ethz/special-interest/conference-websites-dam/no-cost-housing-dam/documents/Switzer%20Paper.pdf &quot;Building Simply: Earthen Housing Prototypes in Tanzania&quot;] (2016) No Cost Housing Conference, hosted by the [https://wohnforum.arch.ethz.ch/ ETH Wohnforum.]

* [T]he honorary professorship of Anna Heringer and Martin Rauch at the [[w:ETH Zurich|Swiss Federal Technical Institute (ETH) Zurich]] developed two housing prototypes intended to serve as models of material and process-aware construction. The ethos of the Heringer-Rauch professorship emphasizes earthen construction as a catalyst for resourceful, low-impact, and self-empowering development.
** Wayne Switzer, [https://ethz.ch/content/dam/ethz/special-interest/conference-websites-dam/no-cost-housing-dam/documents/Switzer%20Paper.pdf &quot;Building Simply: Earthen Housing Prototypes in Tanzania&quot;] (2016) No Cost Housing Conference, hosted by the [https://wohnforum.arch.ethz.ch/ ETH Wohnforum.]

* During her stays in [[Bangladesh]].., Anna Herington has dealt with the local clay construction technology... with possibilities for improving the traditional construction method. The aim was for the houses to better withstand... heavy rains or floods and... build two-storey... in order to make better use of the space.&lt;br /&gt;In 2005, under the direction of Anna Heringer and Eike Roswag, a now [[w:METI Handmade School|multi-award-winning school building]] was built for the school project METI [Modern Education and Training Institute] made of clay and bamboo. In 2007, they were awarded the prestigious [[w:Aga Khan Award for Architecture|Aga Khan Prize for architecture]] for the building.&lt;br /&gt;In 2007/8, another two-storey clay building planned by Anna Heringer for the DESI [Dipshikha Electrical Skill Improvement] project was built.., [also] in [[w:Rudrapur, Bangladesh|Rudrapur]]. A solar system was installed on the roof of the building, making the building [energy] independent...
** Shanti, &quot;Clay construction (Dipshikha)&quot; in [https://shanti.de/wordpress/project/pilotprojekte#:~:text=Heringer &quot;Pilot projects of our partner organisations&quot;] (Jul 23, 2019)

== See also ==
* [[Architecture]]
* [[Building]]
* [[Education]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://www.anna-heringer.com Anna-Heringer.com]
* [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/person/anna-heringer/ Anna Heringer] @{{w|Harvard Graduate School of Design}} (gsd.harvard.edu)
* [https://ethz.ch/content/dam/ethz/special-interest/conference-websites-dam/no-cost-housing-dam/documents/Switzer_Paper.pdf Building Simply: Earthen Housing Prototypes in Tanzania] by Wayne Switzer, assistant to Guest Professorship Anna Heringer &amp; Martin Rauch, ETH Zürich.
* [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/project/mudworks-exhibition/ Mudworks] design-build installation &amp; exhibition
* [https://www.youtube.com/@StudioAnnaHeringer StudioAnnaHeringer] @YouTube

* YouTube videos
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCkKWAjygRE  Anna Heringer Interview: Leave No Waste, But Knowledge] @Louisiana channel

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'''Anna Heringer''' (born 13 October 1977 in {{w|Rosenheim}}) is an {{w|architect}} known for her approach to {{w|sustainable architecture}}, particularly in the realm of [[w:Earth structure|earthen construction]]. Her [[work]] is characterized by the use of local materials and techniques, as well as a commitment to [[community]] [[w:Community engagement|engagement]] and [[Grassroots movement|empowerment]]. Heringer has worked on projects in [[Bangladesh]], [[Morocco]] and [[Austria]], which have garnered international recognition for their appearance, [[w:Functionalism (architecture)|functionality]], and [[sustainability]], most notably the {{w|METI Handmade School}} in {{w|Rudrapur, Bangladesh}}.

== Quotes ==
=== The warmth and wisdom of mud buildings (Apr 2017) ===
:&lt;small&gt;| Anna Heringer, a [[w:TED (conference)|TED]] Talk, '''Creative Commons''' (CC BY–NC–ND 4.0 International) '''license''' [https://www.ted.com/talks/anna_heringer_the_warmth_and_wisdom_of_mud_buildings presentation.] Also see the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7I5BWW-0c8 YouTube video] (Oct 17, 2017) @TED channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* '''[T]here are a lot of resources given by nature for free, and all that we need is our [[w:Sensory processing sensitivity|sensitivity]] to see them, and our [[creativity]] to use them.'''&lt;!--0:49; &amp;t=49s--&gt;

* When I was an architecture student about 13 years ago, I went to [[Bangladesh]], to a remote village called [[w:Rudrapur, Bangladesh|Rudrapur]] with the aim to design and build [[w:METI Handmade School|a school]] as my thesis project. I had lived in that village before when I was 19, and a volunteer at Dipshikha, a Bangladeshi [[Non-governmental organization|NGO]] for rural development... [W]hat I had learned from them was that '''the most [[Sustainability|sustainable]] [[strategy]] for... development''' was to '''cherish and to use your... own resources and [[potential]] and not get dependent on [[w:Exogenous and endogenous variables|external factors]]... [T[his is what I tried to do with my [[architecture]]''', as well.&lt;!--1:06; &amp;t=66s--&gt;

* In terms of '''[[w:Natural building#Materials|suitable building materials]] for my school''', I didn't have to look far. They '''were right under my feet: [[mud]], [[dirt]], [[w:Earth structure|earth]], [[clay]], however you call it, and [[bamboo]] that was growing all around.'''&lt;!--1:43; &amp;t=1039s--&gt;

* [[Electricity]] in remote Bangladesh is rare, but we didn't need it. We had [[human]] [[energy]], and people were happy to have the [[work]]. Tools were an issue too, but we had... [[water buffalo]]es. We had also tried it with [[Cattle|cows]], but interestingly, they were too [[Intelligence|intelligent]]. They were always stepping in the holes of the previous round. They wouldn't mix '''the [[mud]], the {{w|straw}}, the [[sand]]''', which '''are the ingredients in the walls.'''&lt;!--2:01; &amp;t=121s--&gt;

* [E]xcept a small team of consultants like my partner for realization, Eike Roswag and my... cousin, Emmanuel, '''it was... built... [by] craftsmen from the village.'''&lt;!--2:01; &amp;t=121s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/meti-school-bangladesh/ METI school] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') [https://www.nbl.berlin/persons/prof-eike-roswag-klinge/ Eike Roswag-Klinge] @nbl.berlin, Natural Building Lab, {{w|Technische Universität Berlin}}.&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Meti School Exterior.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;{{w|METI Handmade School}}&lt;/center&gt;]]
* [T]he [[w:METI Handmade School|METI school]] after 6 months of construction... [[w:Load-bearing wall|load-bearing]] [[w:Earth structure|earth walls]] that really ground the school and large [[w:Bamboo construction|bamboo structures]] that bring the lightness in. ...The classroom on the ground floor, attached are the caves ...for reading, for snuggling, for solo work, for meditation, for playing, and the classroom on the top.&lt;!--2:47; &amp;t=167s--&gt;

* The [[children]] all signed... the doors. ...[T]hey ...helped building the school.&lt;!--3:21; &amp;t=201s--&gt;

* '''[C]an you imagine the feeling of a small [[boy]] or a [[Girls|girl]], or an illiterate day-laborer standing in front of that school building.., knowing that you built this out of the ordinary [[bamboo]] and... the [[dirt]] underneath your feet, using nothing but your [[hands]]? That gives such an enormous boost of [[trust]] and [[confidence]] in yourself and the [[community]], and in the material.'''&lt;!--3:36; &amp;t=216s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud|[M]ud]] has a very poor image.''' When we think of mud, we think of [[dirt]]. It's [[Ugliness|ugly]], it's nondurable, and '''this is the image I want to change.'''&lt;!--4:06; &amp;t=246s--&gt;

* [I]t's the 11th rainy season for the school now, really harsh, horizontal {{w|monsoon}} rains, and the walls are standing [[Strength|strong]].&lt;!--4:19; &amp;t=259s--&gt;

* [H]ow does that work? '''First rule, a good [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]] that keeps the wall dry from the ground, and second rule, a good {{w|roof}} that protects from the top. The third rule, {{w|erosion}} control.''' Mud walls need speed breakers... so that the rainwater cannot run down the wall fast... [T]hese speed breakers can be lines of [[bamboo]], or [[stone]]s, or {{w|straw}} mixed into the mud. Just like a [[Hills|hill]] needs [[trees]] or [[w:Rock (geology)|rock]]s in order to prevent erosion, it works just the same way.&lt;!--4:19; &amp;t=259s--&gt;

* '''[P]eople always ask me if I have to add {{w|cement}} to the [[mud]], and the answer is no. There is no [[w:Rammed earth#Stabilizer|stabilizer]]''' [in], '''no coating on these walls, only in the [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]].'''&lt;!--5:07; &amp;t=307s--&gt;

* '''[I]f... [the wall] needs repairing''' it is really easy to do. You just '''take the broken part, make it wet.., put it back on the wall''' and it will look the same as before. I wish that would work on me too.&lt;!--5:34; &amp;t=334s--&gt;

* [T]he great thing is, if '''an [[w:Earth structure|earth wall]]''' is not needed anymore, it '''can go back to the [[Soil|ground]] it came from, turn into a [[Gardens|garden]] or get fully [[w:Recycling|recycled]] without any loss of [[quality]]. There is no other material that can do this''', and this is why mud is so excellent in terms of [[Environmental degradation|environmental]] performance.&lt;!--5:50; &amp;t=350s--&gt;

* '''What about [[Economics|economic]] [[sustainability]]?''' When we built [[w:METI Handmade School|the school]], I practically lived on the construction site, and in the evening I used to go with the [[Working class|workers]] to the market... I could see how they spent their [[money]]... [T]hey would buy [[vegetable]]s from their neighbors... [T]hey would get a new haircut, or a new blouse from the tailor. ...'''Because the main part of the building budget was spent on [[Workmanship|craftsmanship]], the school wasn't just a building. It became a real [[wikt:catalyst#English:_change_encourager|catalyst]] for local [[w:Community development|development]]''', and that made me happy.&lt;!--6:12; &amp;t=372s--&gt;

* '''If I had designed the school in {{w|cement}} and [[steel]], this [[money]] would have been exported and lost for those [[Family|families]].'''&lt;!--6:48; &amp;t=408s--&gt;

* The building budget... was 35,000 Euros (it's probably double by now) and this is a lot of money for that region.., especially because this money is working within the community, and [[wikt:multiplier#English:_economic_ratio|rotating]] fast, and not on the stock market.&lt;!--7:01; &amp;t=421s--&gt;

* So when it comes to economic sustainability of my project, '''my main question is, &quot;Who gets the [[profit]]?&quot;'''&lt;!--7:01; &amp;t=421s--&gt;

* '''[A]pproximately 3 billion people all around the planet are living in [[w:Earth structure|earth]] [[house]]s, and it is a traditional building material in [[Europe]], just as much as in [[Africa]].'''&lt;!--7:43; &amp;t=463s--&gt;

* Strangely enough, '''[[mud]] is not considered worthy of being studied at [[universities]], so I brought the [[dirt]] to [[Harvard University|Harvard]]'''... precisely 60 tons of dirt right in front of the main {{w|façade}} of the [[w:Harvard Graduate School of Design|Graduate School of Design]]. ...'''[I]t was particularly fascinating to see how many people were [[touch]]ing the wall'''... [W]e usually don't go around our cities caressing our façades, right? ...'''In terms of [[awareness]]-building and... [[education]] it was like {{w|an acupuncture}} [[w:Myofascial trigger point#Overlap with acupuncture|trigger point]].'''&lt;!--7:57; &amp;t=477s--&gt;

* '''In more and more countries... [[w:Load-bearing wall|load bearing]] [[w:Earth structure|earthen structures]] are not allowed to be built anymore''', although they are [[tradition]]al and have lasted for 100s of years, and '''not because the material is weak, but because there are no {{w|architect}}s and {{w|engineer}}s who know how to deal with that material.'''&lt;!--8:59; &amp;t=539s--&gt;

* '''So [[education]] on all levels, for craftsmen, engineers and architects, is... strongly needed. Equally important is technological development''', like {{w|prefabrication}} developed by my colleague, Martin Rauch.., an Austrian artist and expert in [[w:Earth structure|earthen structures]]... [H]e has created technologies for... prefabrication of {{w|rammed earth}} elements (that include {{w|insulation}}, wall [[w:Heating, ventilation, and air conditioning|heatings and coolings]], and... electrical fittings) that can be layered ...[for] multistorey buildings... [T]his can be important in order to scale up and... [speed] up the process... like in the [[w:Ricola#Ricola herb gardens|Ricola]] Herb Center in [[w:Laufen, Switzerland|Switzerland]].&lt;!--9:17; &amp;t=557s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://eartharchitecture.org/?p=1400 Erden.at , Martin Rauch] @EarthArchitecture.org '''2''') [https://www.lehmtonerde.at/en/story/martin-rauch-from-clay-to-earth-from-craft-to-architecture/ Martin Rauch]– From clay to earth, from craft to architecture @Lehm Ton Erde '''3''') [https://eartharchitecture.org/?p=724 Ricola Herb Centre] @EarthArchitecture.org&lt;/small&gt;

* '''[W]e need... projects that prove you can build with an [[Antiquity|ancient]] material in a very [[Modernity|modern]] way. It is not a matter''' [of] '''how [[Ageing|old]] the material is. It's a matter of our [[Creativity|creative ability]] to use it today.'''&lt;!--9:59; &amp;t=599s--&gt;

* These... are 3 hostels that I did in [[China]]... in the village [[w:Baoxi Township|Baoxi]]... The outside shape is [[w:Bamboo construction|woven bamboo]], and the inside core is [[stone]]s and {{W|rammed earth}}... [I]t is a [[tradition]]al {{w|building material}}. Even '''large parts of the {{w|Great Wall of China}} have been built with rammed earth''', but it's getting replaced by {{w|concrete}}, and this trend is happening very fast.&lt;!--10:16; &amp;t=616s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/bamboo-hostels-china/ Three Hostels in Baoxi, a village in China] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') YouTube video, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dK8-s4YeW4 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale China (Longquan)] @StudioAnnaHeringer channel. '''3''')  2016 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale, in Baoxi, Zhejiang province, China. Julien Lanoo photographs: [https://world-architects.com/en/julien-lanoo-comines/project/international-bamboo-architecture-biennale-libab International Bamboo Architecture Biennale (LIBAB)] '''4''') [https://www.cosentino.com/usa/blog/international-bamboo-biennale/ International Bamboo Biennale] @cosentino.com&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/small&gt;

* '''Within only a couple of years [[China]] has consumed more [[w:Portland cement|cement]] than the [[United States]] in the entire [[20th century]].'''&lt;!--10:45; &amp;t=645s--&gt;

* '''This trend of replacing [[w:Alternative natural materials|natural building materials]] with [[w:Embodied energy|materials... that are energy intensive]], and that [[w:Greenhouse gas emissions|emit]] [[w:Carbon dioxide|CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt;]] is... clearly contributing to [[climate change]]... [W]e have alternatives, such as [[mud]], [[stone]]s, [[w:Lumber|timber]], [[w:Bamboo construction|bamboo]], [[w:Earth structure|earth]], that are totally effective options for all sorts of purposes.'''&lt;!--10:55; &amp;t=655s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud]] is [[health]]y for the planet, but also for the human bodies, and the material is low-tech, but the performance is high-tech.., the earth walls... naturally regulating moisture... [T]his wall in our own home is our {{w|humidifier}}. We love our 6 tons of dirt at home''', not only because it's healthy and sustainable. It's archaic warmth is touching deep within.&lt;!--11:17; &amp;t=677s--&gt;

[[File:مدينة شبام حضرموت.jpg|thumb|{{w|Shibam}}, {{w|Yemen}}]]
* My personal [[Dreams|dream]] is to build a [[mud]] [[skyscraper]] right in [[Manhattan (borough)|Manhattan]]... [T]his dream isn't so crazy if you think of '''the mud city of {{w|Shibam}} in [[Yemen]] that was built in the 16th century, and has lasted now for 500 years. What was possible that long ago is possible today as well, and we can apply all our technical know-how to... these [[Antiquity|ancient]] materials, so that it meets our [[need]]s and our dreams.'''&lt;!--11:54; &amp;t=714s--&gt;

* '''All around us, and just below our feet, are wonderful [[w:Natural building#Materials|natural building materials]]. Let's use them!''' ...I deeply believe '''our [[home]]s, our work spaces, our [[cities]] would become more [[health]]y and [[Sustainability|sustainable]], and more [[Humanity|humane]] and [[Beauty|beautiful]].'''&lt;!--12:30; &amp;t=750s--&gt;

=== Gespräch mit den Lehmbauexperten (Nov 4 2017) ===
:&lt;small&gt;mit Andi Breuss, Anna Heringer, David Kraler, Österreichische-IISCI-IE Lehmbautagung Austrian Earth Building Conference. A '''Creative Commons''' YouTube video source: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAHHz5VqwKY Lehmbauexperten im Gespräch] | Andi Breuss, Anna Heringer (Sep 10, 2019) from the Lightaspect channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* For me, in this field of [[work]], which is mainly in [[Asia]] or [[Africa]]..., [[emancipation]] is very important, that one imparts [[knowledge]] and [[Grassroots movement|empowers people]] for self-construction, or to improve what they know.&lt;!--10:08; &amp;t=608s--&gt; 

* '''[I]t's perfectly fine if my buildings eventually end up on the compost heap, but what is wanted is that the [[knowledge]] remains, that one can simply rebuild it better'''... My passion for [[w:Community development|development]]... is... strong. My passion for [[architecture]] and [[business]] is... the fantastic link between development and... [[w:Architectural design values|architectural design]].&lt;!--10:28; &amp;t=628s--&gt;

* [[w:Earth structure|[T]his material]] is... [[health]]y for people, [[Environmentalism|for the environment]].., for the [[society]] because it creates [[Work|jobs]], and... it's [[Beauty|beautiful]]. ...That's where my motivation to work with it comes from.&lt;!--11:07; &amp;t=667s--&gt;

* [W]e need many more {{w|open source}} resources, but also a  way for people to see a real march of [[knowledge]]. ...[I]t's important that you can buy things as an architect, but... we need to know much more about new open-source resources so that {{w|people}}, even [[Poverty|those without financial means]], can access those...&lt;!--11:30; &amp;t=690s--&gt;

* [[Life]] has a good [[future]], especially when the [[w:Carbon tax|CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt; tax]] comes...&lt;!--17:44; &amp;t=1064s--&gt;

* '''[[Life]] has a chance if ...[[w:Manual labour|human labor]] is... [[Value (ethics)|value]]d... but we have to fight for it'''...&lt;!--18:18; &amp;t=1098s--&gt;

* '''If the [[economic system]] does not support [[w:Natural building|this construction method]] that is [[Social justice|socially just]], [[Ecology|ecological]].., [[health]]y, then this [[economic system]] has to be [[change]]d, because [[capitalism]] is not a [[force]] of [[nature]]. It is created by [[human]]s, and we can always abolish it.'''&lt;!--17:44; &amp;t=1064s--&gt;

=== Aga Khan Program Lecture (Nov 16, 2018) ===
:&lt;small&gt;: Anna Heringer, &quot;Architecture is a Tool to Improve Lives&quot; A [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zej6WPr28ik YouTube video] from the [[w:Harvard Graduate School of Design|Harvard GSD]] channel. Also see [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/event/anna-heringer-architecture-is-a-tool-to-improve-lives/ Anna Heringer, “Architecture is a Tool to Improve Lives”] [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/research/research-initiatives/aga-khan-program-at-the-gsd/ Aga Khan Program] [for Islamic Architecture (AKPIA)] Lecture.&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Meti School Exterior.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;{{w|METI Handmade School}}&lt;/center&gt;]]
[[File:Heringer meti school.jpg|thumb|Meti School, {{w|Haripur, Bangladesh}}, architect {{w|Anna Heringer}}]]
* [W]hat I had learned during my year in [[Bangladesh]] was that '''the most [[Sustainability|sustainable]] and... effective [[strategy]] for [[w:Community development|development]], is to... look at the [[potential]]s... existing and try to make the [[best]] out of it.., not... depending on [[w:Exogenous and endogenous variables|external factors]]'''... [S]even years later '''I tried to transform this [[philosophy]] into [[architecture]].'''&lt;!--7:40; &amp;t=460s--&gt;

* '''[I]n terms of materials.., what was there was just below my feet.., the [[mud]], the [[dirt]], and the [[bamboo]]... growing all around... [I]n terms of [[energy]], it was the {{w|people}}.., [[Happiness|happy]] to have opportunities''' [working] '''on [[w:METI Handmade School|the school]].'''&lt;!--8:03; &amp;t=483s--&gt;

* '''I wanted to show what you can do out of... local, basic materials; that it's not only possible to build small, dark {{w|hut}}s, but... also [[w:Structural engineering|large structures]].'''&lt;!--9:30; &amp;t=570s--&gt;

* [W]hen you... deal with... [[wikt:archaic#Adjective|archaic]] notions.., it doesn't make a difference between a {{w|Bavaria}}n [[Children|child]] and a [[Bangladesh]]i child...&lt;!--10:33; &amp;t=633s--&gt;

* '''The [[children]] all signed with their names on the doors... as [[authors]]''', because... every afternoon they were on the site helping us building. ...[T]hat's a very [[w:Humanity (virtue)|humane]] notion, that... '''even if you're small and... [[Weakness|weak]], you want to be part of the real [[life]]. ...You want to be [[wikt:intrinsic#Adjective|needed]].'''&lt;!--11:56; &amp;t=716s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud|[M]ud]] ...is a very [[wikt:inclusive#English:_of_groups|inclusive]] material.''' ...It is just [[ceramic]]s in a slightly different scale. ...'''[I]t's a wonderful material to [[play]]... and... [[w:Construction|build]] with, and the [[children]] felt extremely [[w:Empowerment|empowered]].'''&lt;!--12:26; &amp;t=746s--&gt;

* '''[T]he third rule is {{w|erosion control}}''', so just as a [[Hills|hill]] needs rocks or trees... to slow... the pace of the water.., '''the [[wall]] needs... on a bigger level.., speed breakers... on the {{w|façade}}, and... on the micro level you have... {{w|straw}}, and... if... {{w|rammed earth}} you have [[stone]]s... so that the façade is... [[w:Self-healing material|self-healing]].''' They are extremely [[w:Compressive strength|strong]] and there is no {{w|cement}} in it except in the [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]].&lt;!--13:43; &amp;t=823s--&gt;

* '''I felt more like a [[w:Conducting|conductor]]... when I could give space to the [[Workmanship|craftsmen]] to bring in their own [[ideas]]''', and I could just moderate... and then I knew when I had to step in and take the lead again... [I]t was a... dynamic... and [[wikt:participation#Noun|participatory]] [process].&lt;!--18:46; &amp;t=1126s--&gt;

* '''[T]he biggest [[learning]] [[experience]] is the things that don't turn out the way you want'''...&lt;!--19:09; &amp;t=1149s--&gt;

* The entire top floor had to be replaced because I had no idea as a [[w:Bavarians|Bavarian]] what is good [[bamboo]] and what [is] not. ...[T]he super nice, green, fresh, sugary bamboo ...was a big party for the [[beetles]]...&lt;!--19:23; &amp;t=1163s--&gt;

* '''[[Vulnerability]] is part of life. ...[[Decay|[D]ecay]] is... normal... [[Hindu]]s... build their cottages every year out of [[mud]], out of [[clay]], and they return it to the [[water]] every year, while we build everything in [[gold]], and in the most durable materials... The holy statues... go into the water in the cycle every year. ...That's something we can ...[[Learning|learn]] from''' ...&lt;!--20:26; &amp;t=1226s--&gt;

* '''We're always thinking... we have to build for [[eternity]]. ...But ...much more important is the [[w:Procedural knowledge|know-how]] that we're leaving behind. ...I'm really ok if my [[building]]s go back to [[nature]] one day ...I really don't think that I'm so important that my buildings have to stand forever. ...If they're needed they will be rebuilt, and the know-how will be passed on from one generation to the next. ...[T]hat's the important thing, that we ...build and create [[knowledge]], and not just [[waste]].'''&lt;!--22:24; &amp;t=1344s--&gt;

* '''The core problem of [[sustainability]] is how we deal with the [[fear]] of [[decay]] and [[death]]... [T]hat's... something, especially in our society, a big [[taboo]], but... death is a part of [[nature]], and that's just something we have to [[respect]].'''&lt;!--22:24; &amp;t=1344s--&gt;

* '''[[Vulnerability|[V]ulnerability]]'''... in the beginning... was difficult to deal with.., but... it '''is a... source of [[creativity]]''', because... every material... plus every {{w|climate}} is different... and the materials are vulnerable towards the climate... The mud is water resolvable... It's vulnerable, so I have to change my [[Architecture|architectural]] [[language]], and... tailor it... '''[T]hat gives two great {{w|parameter}}s, the climate and... local materials... and the byproduct is.. [[wikt:authentic#Adjective|authentic]] and... unique [[architecture]]'''...&lt;!--23:24; &amp;t=1404s--&gt;

* All the buildings I'm doing are looking different because my architectural language is created out of this vulnerability...&lt;!--24:19; &amp;t=1404s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud|[M]ud]] is my... passion.''' Almost 3 billion people... are living in mud buildings... and it's so important to scale it up... '''[I]t's a material... everywhere available, that needs... [[w:Manual labour|labor]]''', and... we need [[work]] for 7 billion people, '''and it doesn't... [emit] [[w:Carbon dioxide|CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt;]]. ...That's the perfect material that we need for the [[future]]. ...[W]e ...need ...to [[w:Scalability|scale it up]]''', and that's ...the topic of a new book ...I just wrote with Lindsey Blair Howe and Martin Rauch.&lt;!--30:21; &amp;t=1821s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': Anna Heringer, Lindsey Blair Howe, Martin Rauch, ''Upscaling Earth'' (2019) gta Verlag, Zurich.&lt;/small&gt;

* '''[O]ur current studio is dealing with the [[w:Rohingya genocide|Rohingya crisis]] in [[Bangladesh]]. ...[[Mud]] is often used in therapies... to overcome [[trauma]]'''... [W]hile the process... is forming community, it's healing... You feel powerful again, because... '''when you [[w:Construction|build]] the [[house]], you feel [[w:Empowerment|empowered]]... [T]hat's... what we're trying... to contribute'''...&lt;!--32:04, 37:18; &amp;t=2238s, 1924s--&gt;

* '''A person who lives in a [[Beauty|beautiful]], unique environment with a strong {{w|cultural identity}}, where she or he can actively [[w:Public participation (decision making)|participate]], and find [[work]] in [[creativity|creating]] it, is [less] likely at risk to fall toward [[Ideology|ideological]] [[fundamentalism]] in the search for [[meaning]]'''... [T]his kind of fundamentalism is... a danger '''in the [[w:Kutupalong refugee camp|camp]]s. ...[T]hey have nothing to hold on, except their [[religion]], and... have all this [[pain]]'''.., and that often comes out... in an [[Aggression|agressive]]... movement.&lt;!--39:49; &amp;t=2399s--&gt;

* '''[T]he time of star [[Architecture|architects]] is over, but... we need [[wikt:iconic#Adjective|iconic]] [[building]]s... that... give directions and shows some [[vision]]s'''...&lt;!--40:44; &amp;t=2444s--&gt;

* I don't like [[symmetry]] much, but... in that project and... cultural context, the center was... very important, so I started to... go into this central and symmetric... [[meditation]].&lt;!--42:25; &amp;t=2545s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/bamboo-hostels-china/ Three Hostels in Baoxi, a village in China] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') YouTube video, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dK8-s4YeW4 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale China (Longquan)] @StudioAnnaHeringer channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* I'm... working into... smaller scale... interior projects... with Martin Rauch... in Austria, in an interior courtyard.., the hangout area for the employees... with a high tech company.., and we brought in... low tech material...&lt;!--45:43; &amp;t=2743s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/omicron-monolith/ Omicron living rooms] '''2''') [https://dtflr.com/en/projects/omicron-campus-klaus#:~:text=Crossing%20Borders Omicron Campus] (DTFLR)&lt;/small&gt;

* [M]artin [Rauch] and I... wanted to... do... the very basic building techniques.., [[w:Sudano-Sahelian architecture|the Butabu technique]].., taking the wet clay and shaping it with your... hands... [W]e designed... and... built it.., like [[ceramic]]s... these sausages, one layer after the other.., two stories.&lt;!--46:33; &amp;t=2793s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://web.archive.org/web/20130320135454/http://www.wmf.org/sites/default/files/wmf_article/pg_36-39_butabu.pdf Butabu: West Africa's Extraordinary Earthen Legacy] {{w|World Monuments Fund}} (WMF) @WayBackMachine&lt;/small&gt;

* [W]e could have done it with a [[w:Construction 3D printing|3-D plotter]]... but it's such a [[joy]], and it gives... such a connection... [T]hat is... a point... missing in our society. '''We are not making things any more, and this [[joy]] in really being involved, and feeling... how your physical pressure is shaping the architecture and... spaces. This is a joy I would never give into the hands of a [[robot]] or... plotter'''... Once we had the [[hands]] in the [[mud]] and... doing these things... the [[mind]] got a relief... [T]his... we are losing in our parts of the society. We are giving the nicest parts away... [T]hat's something we have to bring back...&lt;!--47:34; &amp;t=2854s--&gt;
 
* [T]his [[w:Natural building|very basic building technique]]... is... almost unaffordable... in our [[economic system]]... Although... [[health]]y for people.., for the planet, and it's creating jobs (so also healthy for the [[society]]), why... punished with a higher price? '''There's something wrong with our economic system..! [A] {{w|carbon tax}}'''... '''would set... the right [[balance]] again.'''&lt;!--49:41; &amp;t=2981s--&gt;

* '''[[Capitalism|[C]apitalism]] is... man-made. It's not a force of nature, and it's... time to change'''...&lt;!--50:33; &amp;t=3033s--&gt;

* '''[T]here is [[1 (number)|one]] [[sustainability]], one approach.., that's a [[wikt:global#Adjective|global]] one, because if something is [[wikt:exclusive#Adjective|exclusive]]'''.., just affordable for one part of the [[society]] or the world's population, '''then it can't.., on a social level, be sustainable.'''&lt;!--51:07; &amp;t=3067s--&gt;

* '''We are [[1 (number)|one]] [[planet]].'''&lt;!--51:22; &amp;t=3082s--&gt;

* '''I [[work]]... looking at the local materials.., the local energy sources.., then adding [[wikt:global#Adjective|global]] [[creativity]]'''...&lt;!--51:29; &amp;t=3089s--&gt;

* '''[[Creativity|[C]reativity]] [[Knowledge|know-how]] should not be limited to one place. That should be coming in from a global scale and... applied to local conditions.'''&lt;!--51:43; &amp;t=3103s--&gt;

* '''I always use... the technique of &quot;claystorming&quot;'''..: [projects] [[design]]ed... on large clay models. ...We think ...how may square meters, how much volume.., and then we start shaping it.&lt;!--51:58; &amp;t=3118s--&gt;

* '''[T]he process is just as important as the outcome... [I]n former times, [[Community|communities]], [[cities]] were coming together [[Creativity|creating]].., [[w:Construction|building]]..,''' a church, a school... [etc.,] '''and that... [[Unity|united]] the {{w|people}}''', because '''you cannot build... alone.''' You have to come together... to manage large scale projects... '''[T]his is a... powerful element that we have lost''' in our societies... (given away to [[w:General contractor|contractors]]), '''and... something... we have to gain back.'''&lt;!--55:15; &amp;t=3118s--&gt;

* '''So we decided... We built [[w:Worms Cathedral#High altar|the altar]] out of [[mud]].''' ...[T]he whole community is coming together to build it. ...And then the [[w:Rammed earth|ramming]] started. ...The people started to bring in their own elements ...[S]omeone ...said, &quot;Oh, I'm from [[France]], and I was a [[Soldiers|soldier]] in [[Algeria]], and my mother gave me that... amulet in... war time and it protected me...&quot; ...The [homesick] [[India]]n nuns ...brought a piece of [[India]]n [[Soil|earth]] ...putting it in ... [and] starting to cry. So... '''[[w:Earth (classical element)|earth]] is much more than a building material. It's... an [[Emotions|emotional]] [[w:Classical element|element]]'''... &lt;!--56:35; &amp;t=3395s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/wormser-doms-sanctuary-interiors/ Wormser Dom's sanctuary interiors] @anna-heringer.com&lt;/small&gt;

* [[Children|[K]ids]] were coming in... from all over the world... mixing the mud... their hands in the mud... and... stamping their feet in the formwork.&lt;!--57:58; &amp;t=3478s--&gt;

* '''The [[priest]].., in the beginning... wasn't... sure about this project.., but then he found in [[the Bible]] a [[Quotations|quote]] where [[Moses]], when he received the [[Ten Commandments]].., received the... direct order how to build the [[altar]].., &quot;It should be made out of mud.&quot;'''&lt;!--59:02; &amp;t=3542s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Bible_(King_James)/Exodus/Chapter_20 20:24 (King James Version)] An altar of earth thou shalt make unto me...&lt;/small&gt; 

* '''We're not lacking of materials, but what we are lacking is [[relationship]]s... and [[meaning]]'''. ...That is ...the [[Symbolism (arts)|symbol]] of the [[altar]]. It brings us back... to the [[essence]]... [W]hat really matters is... relationships and meaning.&lt;!--59:57; &amp;t=3597s--&gt;

* That picture is... very important.., this [[w:Alpha and Omega|alpha and omega]]... [T]o truly build [[Sustainability|sustainable]] '''we have to... embed the Omega. When we design buildings and objects, we should... design how it can go back to the [[Soil|ground]], to... [[nature]] again.'''&lt;!--1:00:28; &amp;t=3628s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Overhead''': Inscription of the Α and Ω on the alter.&lt;/small&gt;

* [T]he most important thing... in my work is raising [[trust]]... in their own [[potential]]s.., [Y]ou can... get rid of the [[strife]].., [[ego]]. Leave space... for [[intuition]]... [Y]ou have everything inside. You don't need... plotters, programs... [etc.] We're getting so... [dependent]. ...[W]e need [[creativity]].., intuition, and we have to give [them] space to... create... surprising [[architecture]].&lt;!--1:00:50; &amp;t=3650s--&gt;

* '''[[Trust|[T]rust]] is... important... [to] bring [[wikt:participation#Noun|participation]] into our projects... [W]e have to [[compromise]] sometimes in [[perfection]], but it brings back... [[meaning]] and [[relationship]]'''.., important in our [[society]]...&lt;!--1:01:27; &amp;t=3687s--&gt;

* '''[[Trust|[T]rust]] in the [beautiful] local materials all around us... [W]e... need to use them... to create a planet that is also there for the {{w|future generations}}.'''&lt;!--1:01:52; &amp;t=3712s--&gt;

* 500 years ago we were able to do this, so with all our [[technology]]... there are no limitations. It's a wide field open for [[innovation]], because... [[w:Earth structure|mud architecture]] has not been much discovered yet. ...I hope ...[[Collegiality|colleague]]s join me in... pushing... forward.&lt;!--1:02:09; &amp;t=3729s--&gt;

* '''[[Architecture|[A]rchitecture]] is a [very powerful] tool to improve lives'''...&lt;!--1:02:40; &amp;t=3760s--&gt;

* '''[I]n the end of my career'''.., adding up all the building budgets.., '''I want to be able to tell myself that... the [[money]]... ended up with {{w|people}}, with [[w:Artisan|craftsmen]], and not just in big pockets of... some [[Industry|industries]], and... that I contributed to [[social justice]], to [[cultural diversity]], and I'm not leaving scars, but a [[Gardens|garden]] behind.'''&lt;!--1:02:47; &amp;t=3767s--&gt;

* '''[W]e should use... [architecture] with all the [[creativity]] that we have, with all our [[wikt:sensitiveness#English:_responsive_empathy|sensitiveness]] and... [[love]]... to make this place, the [[world]].., better, more [[Beauty|beautiful]] and more [[w:Humanity (virtue)|humane]]'''...&lt;!--1:03:17; &amp;t=3797s--&gt;

==== Question and Answer Period ====

* '''I had never seen {{w|humidifier}}s before. ...[I]t's weird to make walls that are completely sealed, that cannot breath.''' ...In winter you have to plug in these instruments. You need a lot of [[electricity]] to get... a {{w|humidity}} that... is comfortable, while... '''my {{w|humidifier}} is my [[mud]] wall at home... It's completely automatic, and it's much more [[health]]y.''' ...I'm living not in a total [[w:Load-bearing wall|load bearing]] mud house, because I'm living in a 500 year old house. So I did a lot... inside... So there's a lot of hybrid versions also possible.&lt;!--1:04:37; &amp;t=3877s--&gt;

* The [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]] is the only thing where it would make sense to get [commercial] material. ...[T]he regulations in the [[w:Kutupalong refugee camp|camp]] are that there should be no lasting material there. So... you have to make {{w|rammed earth}} foundations, which a lot of houses in [[Bangladesh]]... have, also some 2-story houses. It's not that strong.., but... it's possible. It's doable. It just needs to be... a thick rammed earth foundation, and... the walls also have to be comparatively thick.&lt;!--1:07:21; &amp;t=4041s--&gt;

=== Anna Heringer Interview: Leave No Waste, But Knowledge (Feb 25, 2021) ===
:&lt;small&gt;A YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCkKWAjygRE video source] from Louisiana Channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* I... grew up.. surrounded by an architecture that is... [[wikt:archaic#Adjective|archaic]]... and... born out of the material... from that region.&lt;!--1:10; &amp;t=70s--&gt;

* It was fantastic to grow up, [to have] as a... playground... these [[w:Gothic architecture|gothic]]... [[w:Vault (architecture)|vault systems]].., and the lines... built out of the local [[stone]]s... That was... the... tools and the toys that we had... growing up...&lt;!--2:09; &amp;t=129s--&gt; 

* The tradition, the culture of [[Germany|this place]]... as a shaping element is... dominant.., and... raised an interest... in other parts of the [[world]].., to see this from another perspective. That's why I went from {{w|Bavaria}} to [[Bangladesh]].., a completely different cultural context.., to see... how... local traditions... with local resources... is shaping [[architecture]].., and... the search of people on their way to [[happiness]].., the aim, to... reach a [[life]]... in [[balance]] with [[nature]]...&lt;!--2:45; &amp;t=165s--&gt;

* '''[T]here is a lot of similarity between the [[life]]... anywhere... It's always, what existing resources... you have, and how can you use... [[creativity]] to make the best out of it? ...[T]hat's what I'm trying to do with my architecture.'''&lt;!--3:53; &amp;t=233s--&gt;

* '''How... {{w|people}} get together and... build something together.., and this [[identity]]... linked with that, and this [[pride]] when you stand... in front of that [[church]] and say.., &quot;We built it,&quot; and that {{w|community spirit}}... created... [T]his is something... we have to incorporate... It's not just about the outcome and the architecture, but... [[design]]ing the process'''...&lt;!--4:30; &amp;t=270s--&gt;

* [I]n any project... I'm trying to bring in this notion... that... the [[community]] gets together and gets their hands involved in the building process... [T]hen... if you stand in front of that building, you... feel an extreme [[trust]] in your own [[potential]]s and... in the [[Teamwork|team]], the [[community]], and in the local resources...&lt;!--5:03; &amp;t=303s--&gt;

* '''If you have strong roots, then it's much easier to go away and discover new horizons.'''&lt;!--5:54; &amp;t=354s--&gt;

* I'm... an {{w|architect}}, but I'm also a [[w:Community development|development]] worker.., an [[Activism|activist]], and... there's this [[creativity|creative itching]] in me... [I]f I see a need somewhere, and... a [[potential]], then it might, Zing! and then something is coming out...&lt;!--5:54; &amp;t=393s--&gt;

* '''I'm trying to use the [[creativity]], always as a tool to improve [[Life|lives]]'''.&lt;!--6:56; &amp;t=416s--&gt;

* [W]hen I start a project... I try to figure out what are the resources available... in terms of materiality.., [[energy]] sources, and... [[Knowledge|know-how]], [[Workmanship|craft skills]]... [etc.] [I]t's essential that the materials... [and] energy sources are local.., particularly... [[w:Manual labour|human labor]].., a wonderful source of energy. Whenever we think of [[Renewable energy|alternative sources of energy]], we think of [[w:Solar energy|solar]], [[w:Wind power|wind]]... [etc.,] but... the '''human energy is... important, and... if we don't use it, then we create a [[w:Social issue|social problem]]. So this... is the most important energy source'''...&lt;!--7:01; &amp;t=421s--&gt;

* '''Materials... coming from far away... needs a lot of [[transport]]ation, and... it's not needed''' [i.e., necessary]. '''We have fantastic building materials all around.'''&lt;!--8:14; &amp;t=494s--&gt; 

* '''[[Sustainability|[S]ustainability]] is... [[harmony]] with [[nature]], with the [[w:Sociocultural perspective|sociocultural context]],''' [and] '''with the {{w|people}} (the users). ...[I]t's ...doing things with [[love]] and [[wikt:care#Noun|care]], and not just ...on a formal level''' [to] '''[[Problem solving|solve a problem]]... [[Beauty|[B]eauty]]... is an expression of love and... sustainability is a synonym of beauty.'''&lt;!--9:47; &amp;t=587s--&gt;

* '''[T]here is some [[activism]]... in... the sign, &quot;Less {{w|concrete}} more [[Earth]]&quot;... [W]e just can't continue building as we do. It's... just not working.'''&lt;!--10:20; &amp;t=620s--&gt;

* In [[Bangladesh]] the cheapest solution is also the [[Sustainability|sustainable]] one. You just take the dirt from the ground and... build it with your hands. If you do this... in [[Europe]], it's damned expensive! ...[T]hat makes me [[Anger|angry]].&lt;!--10:45; &amp;t=645s--&gt;

* '''[I]t's not a problem of the [[mud]]... or [[w:Earth structure|earthen architecture]], but... a problem with our [[economic system]].''' ...[W]e have to readjust our system and... have a higher price on materials that have... high embodied... [[energy]] {{w|resource}}s... and [that] create a lot of [[w:Greenhouse gas emissions|carbon emissions]]. So we... have to [[w:Carbon tax|tax those]], and... decrease the taxes on [[Manual labor|human labor]]... [T]hat would completely change our [[economic system]]... [and] our [[social system]]. ...[I]t would not just make [[w:Distribution of wealth|a few people rich]], but... would... make... a strong middle {{w|class}}, and really build up {{w|people}}...&lt;!--11:00; &amp;t=660s--&gt;

* '''[W]e have [[1 (number)|one]] [[planet]]''', and we should... [[design]]... [accordingly.]  '''[W]e are one humankind''', and just because I could afford... to build... with a lot of resources... [[steel]].., [[w:Greenhouse gas emissions|carbon emissions]].., {{w|concrete}}, I shouldn't.., because it's... using up more resources than... persons... visiting this [[opera]]... should... consume.&lt;!--12:18; &amp;t=738s--&gt;

* '''[W]henever I'm designing, I... have... in mind... times 7 billion.., considering what would the [[world]] look like if... 7.5 billion people would do it in the same way.'''&lt;!--12:45; &amp;t=765s--&gt;

* If you use that bucket of paint.., it's maybe just a bucket of paint, but if 7 billion people are using that paint that is... [[w:Groundwater pollution|harming the groundwater]]... No, I don't have the right to use that paint, and that's... my approach...&lt;!--13:08; &amp;t=788s--&gt;

* '''It was just [[dirt]],''' and you just pile it somehow into a wall, but... '''[[mud]] was not considered to be equal to [[Bricks|brick]] or... {{w|concrete}}... It was just a [[wikt:temporary#Adjective|temporary]], [[dirt]]y solution. ...[T]he most important part was... to show that... with good [design and] craftsmanship, you can really... improve the quality of [[house]]s'''...&lt;!--14:14; &amp;t=854s--&gt;

* I invited them... [the [[wives]]] to join the site as workers... [T]hat's the nice part with the [[mud]] because it's... [[w:Inclusive design|inclusive]]. You find [[work]] for everyone... We had people with [[Disability|disabilities]] working.., we had [[children]] involved.., and... the [[women]]... [T]hey traditionally do the plastering... with their hands. I said fine, it looks... more beautiful to me. ...After 2 or 3 days they started working with their... wives... [I]t was such a good [[Teamwork|team spirit]]... and... we as architects were also doing the least accepted work, like carrying the mud on their heads... trying to break up [[Hierarchy|hierarchies]] and... foster this team spirit... [T]he women... were getting the same salary as their husbands and working side by side. That really changed also, on the social level, in the village.&lt;!--16:22; &amp;t=982s--&gt;

* [A] good looking architecture is not enough. ...[I]t ...has to bring [[meaning]] to the people, and... add... to a [[health]]y [[Earth|planet]]... [T]hat's what I'm trying to do with the [[work]].&lt;!--18:04; &amp;t=1084s--&gt;

* I deeply believe that '''the [[world]] is not [[Change|changing]] with... [single] big [[decisions]]. It's the every day small decisions that are really shaping our [[w:Built environment|environment]] and our [[society]].'''&lt;!--27:13; &amp;t=1633s--&gt;

* [T]he core problem with [[sustainability]]... [is] that these [[w:Natural building#Materials|natural materials]] are... linked with [[vulnerability]].., but... the vulnerability of [[w:Earth structure|earth]] is also the biggest [[advantage]]... [I]t can go back to the ground without [[Environmental degradation|harming the environment]].&lt;!--28:10; &amp;t=1690s--&gt;

* [W]e are a [[waste]] [[society]], but we are trying to build in the most [[w:Durability|durable]] way. In fact.., we've never built for [[eternity]]. I'm fully OK if my buildings are de-composting one day. ...'''I'm hoping that I'm really leaving no waste, but [[knowledge]]. ...How to build something good out of the local resources. That's my [[Dreams|dream]].'''&lt;!--28:28; &amp;t=1708s--&gt;

* Once an earth building is standing, you couldn't tell if it's there 1 day or... 100s of years. It has immediately this... [[wikt:archaic#Adjective|archaic]] feeling, but it also is not dominant. It's just there, in a very calm and present way, and that would... [[Beauty|beautifully]] blend in this [[History|historic]] surrounding.&lt;!--29:00; &amp;t=1740s--&gt;

=== Architecture is a Tool to Improve Lives (Nov, 2021) ===
:&lt;small&gt;Anna Heringer Lecture, International Conference on Traditional Building Architecture and Urbanism: Timeless Architecture (Nov 17-18, 2021) A [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7JKKFdyZtM YouTube video] from the Fundación Culturas Constructivas Tradicionales channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* [I]n terms of local [[energy]] sources, it was {{w|people}}. ...[W]hen we think of energy sources, we think of [[sun]].., [[wind]].., [[oil]], but we as human beings... are also sources of energy, and we are a growing source. ...We are almost 8 billion people, so we need to use this ...otherwise we create a social problem. '''We need to create [[work]] through [[architecture]].'''&lt;!--3:01; &amp;t=181s--&gt;

* The [[children]] all signed... the doors, and... rightfully.., because they also helped building [[w:METI Handmade School|the school]]. ...[W]ith [[Soil|earth]], it's a wonderful [[w:Inclusive design|inclusive]] material. It's not harmful. You don't need sophisticated tools. You can use... your [[hands]], and it's wonderful to [[touch]]. It's non-[[w:Toxicity|toxic]], so it's... one of the beautiful {{w|asset}}s of [[earth]], that it's so inclusive. We also had people with [[Disability|disabilities]] working.., [[Man|men]].., [[women]] and [[Ageing|elderly]] people.., a fantastic diversity in the [[Teamwork|team]].&lt;!--4:36; &amp;t=276s--&gt;

* '''These walls are hit by horizontal {{w|monsoon}} [[wind]]s since 2005, and the walls are standing strong. We didn't have to repair the walls. ...You have to ...apply ... certain rules, good boots, meaning a good [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]].., a good {{w|roof}}, and then the walls are really standing strong.'''&lt;!--6:08; &amp;t=338s--&gt;

* In terms of [[Economics|economic]] [[sustainability]]... [I]f I had built that school in {{w|concrete}} and [[steel]] this [[money]] would have been lost for the [[community]].&lt;!--6:32; &amp;t=392s--&gt;

* '''[W]hen it comes to economic sustainability, it's never... just low [[cost]]... [T]he question is, who gets the [[profit]], and who gets the [[Benefits|benefit]]..? [T]hat's much more important, anywhere in the [[world]].'''&lt;!--6:32; &amp;t=392s--&gt;

* '''I want to be able in the end.., when I'm... summing up all my budgets at the end of my life.., to be able to tell myself that it ended up with those who really needed it, and not just making the [[Wealth|rich]] [[Industry|industries]] even more rich.'''&lt;!--7:46; &amp;t=466s--&gt;

* The last building I did in... [[w:Rudrapur, Bangladesh|Rudrapur]]... is a center for people with [[Disability|disabilities]], and a workshop for fair clothes production... I wanted to show it's good that we have a [[diversity]].., people that break out of the mode, and that is something [[Beauty|beautiful]].., something to [[Celebration|celebrate]]. So this building is... celebrating this diversity and breaking out of the mold...&lt;!--8:01; &amp;t=481s--&gt;

* [T]his [[w:Inclined plane#Uses|ramp]] winds... all around the building... [I]t's the only ramp in that area... they've ever seen. ...'''[[w:Inclusive design|[I]nclusiveness]] is... a powerful thing in [[architecture]], that you can make... [ideas and concepts] clearly visible.''' ...[U]nderneath the ramp we have caves ...so you can ...crawl in ...and it's part of the [[therapy]]. The [[children]] have to move their bodies in a different way... so they train their muscles... [and] [[w:Motor coordination|coordination]] [[skill]]s, and it's... rewarding... The [[children]] from the village that have no disabilities... sneak in.., but they know they are the [[guests]] of the children with disabilities.., and it's a different zone for connecting with each other.&lt;!--9:03; &amp;t=481s--&gt;

* The [[w:Textile industry in Bangladesh|garment sector]]... in [[Bangladesh]] because... drags... the [[w:Workforce|labor force]] from the villages into... fabrication hubs... The [[women]] have to leave their [[Family|families]]... and live in these... textile hubs where their life is... depending on [[w:Exogenous and endogenous variables|external factors]], where they lose a lot of [[independence]] and... [[w:Quality of life|life quality]]. So '''I wanted to bring in some work [[Opportunity|opportunities]] for the women to be able to stay with their families and... keep the village alive.'''&lt;!--11:05; &amp;t=665s--&gt;

* I was invited in [[China]] for the Bamboo Biennale... [T]he idea was to show and prove that you can build with old materials... in a modern way.&lt;!--14:48; &amp;t=948s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/bamboo-hostels-china/ Three Hostels in Baoxi, a village in China] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') YouTube video, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dK8-s4YeW4 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale China (Longquan)] @StudioAnnaHeringer channel. '''3''')  2016 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale, in Baoxi, Zhejiang province, China. Julien Lanoo photographs: [https://world-architects.com/en/julien-lanoo-comines/project/international-bamboo-architecture-biennale-libab International Bamboo Architecture Biennale (LIBAB)] '''4''') [https://www.cosentino.com/usa/blog/international-bamboo-biennale/ International Bamboo Biennale] @cosentino.com&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/small&gt;

* '''I'm often asked, &quot;Do you want to send people back to the [[Stone Age]]?&quot; Of course not, but it's not a matter of how [[Ageing|old]] a material is. It's a matter of our [[creativity|creative ability]] to use it today.'''&lt;!--16:08; &amp;t=968s--&gt;

* [T]hese ...three [youth] hostels ...we built with... an intensive bamboo weaving structure. The idea was to have a core that has all the facilities, and attached to this core and staircase there are... [bamboo woven] cocoons, like tents or Chinese lampshades. ...They did a fantastic job in the bamboo weaving.&lt;!--16:20; &amp;t=980s--&gt;

* Between 2011 and 2013 [[China]] has consumed more [[w:Portland cement|cement]] than the [[United States]] in the past century. ...This is happening in [[India]] and so many countries around the world... [W]e clearly cannot continue like this. We have to look for alternatives such as [[w:Lumber|timber]].., [[w:Earth structure|earth]]... [etc.]&lt;!--17:10; &amp;t=1030s--&gt;

[[File:Hochaltar im Westchor des Wormser Domes.jpg|thumb|{{w|Worms Cathedral}} High altar of Johann {{w|Balthasar Neumann}}]]
* [A] competition for building a new [[altar]]... was... delicate because, first, it was the 1,000 year old birthday of [[w:Worms Cathedral|the cathedral]], and the interior is... by {{w|Balthasar Neumann}} so it was... difficult to put something in front of it. ...We decided... not to bring the ready-made object, but to bring the tools, the materials and the community [together]... to build... this alter... [and] to celebrate the community.&lt;!--18:26; &amp;t=1106s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/wormser-doms-sanctuary-interiors/ Wormser Dom's sanctuary interiors] @anna-heringer.com&lt;/small&gt;

* Initially the concept was to... [put] in [[History|historic]] elements... from the rich historic times of [[w:Worms, Germany|Worms]], but... people started to bring... personal items.., amulets went in, the best [[wine]].., [[honey]] of the region, [[Newspapers|newspaper articles]], letters, postcards.., and it became more and more... an object [or reflection] of the community. The [[children]]... put in some pink litter...&lt;!--19:10; &amp;t=1150s--&gt;

* We had everyone, from the [[choir]].., the council.., the [[w:Altar server|alter boys and girls]].., standing in front of the finished object.., we couldn't let go. We constantly wanted to [[touch]] it...&lt;!--19:57; &amp;t=1197s--&gt;

* '''You're not just building a building. You also build up a community''', and that's the wonderful thing. '''In the past we came together as a [[society]], built [[w:Town hall|city hall]], built the [[church]], built the [[mosque]]... [etc.] [T]his kind of pulling on one direction to reach one common aim... is something that fostered... community, and now we delegate the act of building... to experts, and we don't have these community building processes... [T]hat's a huge loss, and we have to enable [[wikt:participation#Noun|participation]] again'''.&lt;!--20:17; &amp;t=1217s--&gt;

* '''We are not lacking of materiality. We are lacking of good [[relationship]]s, but this is something the process of construction and [[architecture]] can... provide.'''&lt;!--20:56; &amp;t=1256s--&gt;

* The question is &quot;Form follows what?&quot; '''&quot;{{w|Form follows function}}&quot;... is outdated.''' ...[A]rchitecture ...and society is much more complex, and we have to react to this. ...'''[W]e have a lot of functional.., good-looking buildings, but we need [[meaning]]ful.., [[Beauty|beautiful]] buildings... [T]he question is, &quot;What is [[Reality|real]] beauty?&quot; ...[I]t's a formal expression of [[love]], so.., &quot;Form follows Love!&quot;'''&lt;!--21:07; &amp;t=1267s--&gt;

== Quotes about Heringer ==

* Hand-built in four months by the local community and volunteer architects from Germany and Austria, the School in {{w|Rudrapur, Bangladesh}}, makes use of... local materials to create a new model for school construction that is beautiful, simple and humane. The architects Anna Heringer and Eike Roswag will share the Award with the craftsmen and volunteers.., and the Bangladeshi [[Non-governmental organization|NGO]] for sustainable rural development, Dipshikha.
** Aga Khan Development Network (AKDN) [https://the.akdn/en/resources-media/whats-new/news-release/nine-projects-receive-2007-aga-khan-award-architecture Nine projects receive 2007 Aga Khan Award for Architecture] (Oct 24, 2007)

* &quot;Building Simply&quot;... is typically... utilizing low-cost materials to produce a rudimentary, one-off design. Yet, too rarely does the... process lead to... a viable model for a self-sustainable building culture. In light of this.., the honorary professorship of Anna Heringer and Martin Rauch at the [[w:ETH Zurich|Swiss Federal Technical Institute (ETH) Zurich]] developed two housing prototypes intended... as models of material and process-aware construction. Emphasizing earthen construction as a catalyst for resourceful, low-impact, and self-empowering development, their studio.., &quot;Earthen&quot;, studied... practical solutions to improve... living standards in [[w:Mufindi District|Mdabulo]].., [[Tanzania]]. ...ETH students took part in the construction of the two houses...
** Wayne Switzer, [https://ethz.ch/content/dam/ethz/special-interest/conference-websites-dam/no-cost-housing-dam/documents/Switzer%20Paper.pdf &quot;Building Simply: Earthen Housing Prototypes in Tanzania&quot;] (2016) No Cost Housing Conference, hosted by the [https://wohnforum.arch.ethz.ch/ ETH Wohnforum.]

* [T]he honorary professorship of Anna Heringer and Martin Rauch at the [[w:ETH Zurich|Swiss Federal Technical Institute (ETH) Zurich]] developed two housing prototypes intended to serve as models of material and process-aware construction. The ethos of the Heringer-Rauch professorship emphasizes earthen construction as a catalyst for resourceful, low-impact, and self-empowering development.
** Wayne Switzer, [https://ethz.ch/content/dam/ethz/special-interest/conference-websites-dam/no-cost-housing-dam/documents/Switzer%20Paper.pdf &quot;Building Simply: Earthen Housing Prototypes in Tanzania&quot;] (2016) No Cost Housing Conference, hosted by the [https://wohnforum.arch.ethz.ch/ ETH Wohnforum.]

* During her stays in [[Bangladesh]].., Anna Herington has dealt with the local clay construction technology... with possibilities for improving the traditional construction method. The aim was for the houses to better withstand... heavy rains or floods and... build two-storey... in order to make better use of the space.&lt;br /&gt;In 2005, under the direction of Anna Heringer and Eike Roswag, a now [[w:METI Handmade School|multi-award-winning school building]] was built for the school project METI [Modern Education and Training Institute] made of clay and bamboo. In 2007, they were awarded the prestigious [[w:Aga Khan Award for Architecture|Aga Khan Prize for architecture]] for the building.&lt;br /&gt;In 2007/8, another two-storey clay building planned by Anna Heringer for the DESI [Dipshikha Electrical Skill Improvement] project was built.., [also] in [[w:Rudrapur, Bangladesh|Rudrapur]]. A solar system was installed on the roof of the building, making the building [energy] independent...
** Shanti, &quot;Clay construction (Dipshikha)&quot; in [https://shanti.de/wordpress/project/pilotprojekte#:~:text=Heringer &quot;Pilot projects of our partner organisations&quot;] (Jul 23, 2019)

== See also ==
* [[Architecture]]
* [[Building]]
* [[Education]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://www.anna-heringer.com Anna-Heringer.com]
* [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/person/anna-heringer/ Anna Heringer] @{{w|Harvard Graduate School of Design}} (gsd.harvard.edu)
* [https://ethz.ch/content/dam/ethz/special-interest/conference-websites-dam/no-cost-housing-dam/documents/Switzer_Paper.pdf Building Simply: Earthen Housing Prototypes in Tanzania] by Wayne Switzer, assistant to Guest Professorship Anna Heringer &amp; Martin Rauch, ETH Zürich.
* [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/project/mudworks-exhibition/ Mudworks] design-build installation &amp; exhibition
* [https://www.youtube.com/@StudioAnnaHeringer StudioAnnaHeringer] @YouTube

* YouTube videos
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCkKWAjygRE  Anna Heringer Interview: Leave No Waste, But Knowledge] @Louisiana channel

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      <text bytes="56752" sha1="b1eh4vam0tznt0cqp0fdfrfmxvryxsd" xml:space="preserve">[[File:HeringerAnna4Nov2017ÖsterreichischeLehmbautagung.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;Anna Heringer (Nov 4 2017)&lt;br /&gt;Österreichische Lehmbautagung,&lt;br /&gt;Austrian Earth Building Conference&lt;/center&gt;]]
'''Anna Heringer''' (born 13 October 1977 in {{w|Rosenheim}}) is an {{w|architect}} known for her approach to {{w|sustainable architecture}}, particularly in the realm of [[w:Earth structure|earthen construction]]. Her [[work]] is characterized by the use of local materials and techniques, as well as a commitment to [[community]] [[w:Community engagement|engagement]] and [[Grassroots movement|empowerment]]. Heringer has worked on projects in [[Bangladesh]], [[Morocco]] and [[Austria]], which have garnered international recognition for their appearance, [[w:Functionalism (architecture)|functionality]], and [[sustainability]], most notably the {{w|METI Handmade School}} in {{w|Rudrapur, Bangladesh}}.

== Quotes ==
=== The warmth and wisdom of mud buildings (Apr 2017) ===
:&lt;small&gt;| Anna Heringer, a [[w:TED (conference)|TED]] Talk, '''Creative Commons''' (CC BY–NC–ND 4.0 International) '''license''' [https://www.ted.com/talks/anna_heringer_the_warmth_and_wisdom_of_mud_buildings presentation.] Also see the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7I5BWW-0c8 YouTube video] (Oct 17, 2017) @TED channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* '''[T]here are a lot of resources given by nature for free, and all that we need is our [[w:Sensory processing sensitivity|sensitivity]] to see them, and our [[creativity]] to use them.'''&lt;!--0:49; &amp;t=49s--&gt;

* When I was an architecture student about 13 years ago, I went to [[Bangladesh]], to a remote village called [[w:Rudrapur, Bangladesh|Rudrapur]] with the aim to design and build [[w:METI Handmade School|a school]] as my thesis project. I had lived in that village before when I was 19, and a volunteer at Dipshikha, a Bangladeshi [[Non-governmental organization|NGO]] for rural development... [W]hat I had learned from them was that '''the most [[Sustainability|sustainable]] [[strategy]] for... development''' was to '''cherish and to use your... own resources and [[potential]] and not get dependent on [[w:Exogenous and endogenous variables|external factors]]... [T[his is what I tried to do with my [[architecture]]''', as well.&lt;!--1:06; &amp;t=66s--&gt;

* In terms of '''[[w:Natural building#Materials|suitable building materials]] for my school''', I didn't have to look far. They '''were right under my feet: [[mud]], [[dirt]], [[w:Earth structure|earth]], [[clay]], however you call it, and [[bamboo]] that was growing all around.'''&lt;!--1:43; &amp;t=1039s--&gt;

* [[Electricity]] in remote Bangladesh is rare, but we didn't need it. We had [[human]] [[energy]], and people were happy to have the [[work]]. Tools were an issue too, but we had... [[water buffalo]]es. We had also tried it with [[Cattle|cows]], but interestingly, they were too [[Intelligence|intelligent]]. They were always stepping in the holes of the previous round. They wouldn't mix '''the [[mud]], the {{w|straw}}, the [[sand]]''', which '''are the ingredients in the walls.'''&lt;!--2:01; &amp;t=121s--&gt;

* [E]xcept a small team of consultants like my partner for realization, Eike Roswag and my... cousin, Emmanuel, '''it was... built... [by] craftsmen from the village.'''&lt;!--2:01; &amp;t=121s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/meti-school-bangladesh/ METI school] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') [https://www.nbl.berlin/persons/prof-eike-roswag-klinge/ Eike Roswag-Klinge] @nbl.berlin, Natural Building Lab, {{w|Technische Universität Berlin}}.&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Meti School Exterior.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;{{w|METI Handmade School}}&lt;/center&gt;]]
* [T]he [[w:METI Handmade School|METI school]] after 6 months of construction... [[w:Load-bearing wall|load-bearing]] [[w:Earth structure|earth walls]] that really ground the school and large [[w:Bamboo construction|bamboo structures]] that bring the lightness in. ...The classroom on the ground floor, attached are the caves ...for reading, for snuggling, for solo work, for meditation, for playing, and the classroom on the top.&lt;!--2:47; &amp;t=167s--&gt;

* The [[children]] all signed... the doors. ...[T]hey ...helped building the school.&lt;!--3:21; &amp;t=201s--&gt;

* '''[C]an you imagine the feeling of a small [[boy]] or a [[Girls|girl]], or an illiterate day-laborer standing in front of that school building.., knowing that you built this out of the ordinary [[bamboo]] and... the [[dirt]] underneath your feet, using nothing but your [[hands]]? That gives such an enormous boost of [[trust]] and [[confidence]] in yourself and the [[community]], and in the material.'''&lt;!--3:36; &amp;t=216s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud|[M]ud]] has a very poor image.''' When we think of mud, we think of [[dirt]]. It's [[Ugliness|ugly]], it's nondurable, and '''this is the image I want to change.'''&lt;!--4:06; &amp;t=246s--&gt;

* [I]t's the 11th rainy season for the school now, really harsh, horizontal {{w|monsoon}} rains, and the walls are standing [[Strength|strong]].&lt;!--4:19; &amp;t=259s--&gt;

* [H]ow does that work? '''First rule, a good [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]] that keeps the wall dry from the ground, and second rule, a good {{w|roof}} that protects from the top. The third rule, {{w|erosion}} control.''' Mud walls need speed breakers... so that the rainwater cannot run down the wall fast... [T]hese speed breakers can be lines of [[bamboo]], or [[stone]]s, or {{w|straw}} mixed into the mud. Just like a [[Hills|hill]] needs [[trees]] or [[w:Rock (geology)|rock]]s in order to prevent erosion, it works just the same way.&lt;!--4:19; &amp;t=259s--&gt;

* '''[P]eople always ask me if I have to add {{w|cement}} to the [[mud]], and the answer is no. There is no [[w:Rammed earth#Stabilizer|stabilizer]]''' [in], '''no coating on these walls, only in the [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]].'''&lt;!--5:07; &amp;t=307s--&gt;

* '''[I]f... [the wall] needs repairing''' it is really easy to do. You just '''take the broken part, make it wet.., put it back on the wall''' and it will look the same as before. I wish that would work on me too.&lt;!--5:34; &amp;t=334s--&gt;

* [T]he great thing is, if '''an [[w:Earth structure|earth wall]]''' is not needed anymore, it '''can go back to the [[Soil|ground]] it came from, turn into a [[Gardens|garden]] or get fully [[w:Recycling|recycled]] without any loss of [[quality]]. There is no other material that can do this''', and this is why mud is so excellent in terms of [[Environmental degradation|environmental]] performance.&lt;!--5:50; &amp;t=350s--&gt;

* '''What about [[Economics|economic]] [[sustainability]]?''' When we built [[w:METI Handmade School|the school]], I practically lived on the construction site, and in the evening I used to go with the [[Working class|workers]] to the market... I could see how they spent their [[money]]... [T]hey would buy [[vegetable]]s from their neighbors... [T]hey would get a new haircut, or a new blouse from the tailor. ...'''Because the main part of the building budget was spent on [[Workmanship|craftsmanship]], the school wasn't just a building. It became a real [[wikt:catalyst#English:_change_encourager|catalyst]] for local [[w:Community development|development]]''', and that made me happy.&lt;!--6:12; &amp;t=372s--&gt;

* '''If I had designed the school in {{w|cement}} and [[steel]], this [[money]] would have been exported and lost for those [[Family|families]].'''&lt;!--6:48; &amp;t=408s--&gt;

* The building budget... was 35,000 Euros (it's probably double by now) and this is a lot of money for that region.., especially because this money is working within the community, and [[wikt:multiplier#English:_economic_ratio|rotating]] fast, and not on the stock market.&lt;!--7:01; &amp;t=421s--&gt;

* So when it comes to economic sustainability of my project, '''my main question is, &quot;Who gets the [[profit]]?&quot;'''&lt;!--7:01; &amp;t=421s--&gt;

* '''[A]pproximately 3 billion people all around the planet are living in [[w:Earth structure|earth]] [[house]]s, and it is a traditional building material in [[Europe]], just as much as in [[Africa]].'''&lt;!--7:43; &amp;t=463s--&gt;

* Strangely enough, '''[[mud]] is not considered worthy of being studied at [[universities]], so I brought the [[dirt]] to [[Harvard University|Harvard]]'''... precisely 60 tons of dirt right in front of the main {{w|façade}} of the [[w:Harvard Graduate School of Design|Graduate School of Design]]. ...'''[I]t was particularly fascinating to see how many people were [[touch]]ing the wall'''... [W]e usually don't go around our cities caressing our façades, right? ...'''In terms of [[awareness]]-building and... [[education]] it was like {{w|an acupuncture}} [[w:Myofascial trigger point#Overlap with acupuncture|trigger point]].'''&lt;!--7:57; &amp;t=477s--&gt;

* '''In more and more countries... [[w:Load-bearing wall|load bearing]] [[w:Earth structure|earthen structures]] are not allowed to be built anymore''', although they are [[tradition]]al and have lasted for 100s of years, and '''not because the material is weak, but because there are no {{w|architect}}s and {{w|engineer}}s who know how to deal with that material.'''&lt;!--8:59; &amp;t=539s--&gt;

* '''So [[education]] on all levels, for craftsmen, engineers and architects, is... strongly needed. Equally important is technological development''', like {{w|prefabrication}} developed by my colleague, Martin Rauch.., an Austrian artist and expert in [[w:Earth structure|earthen structures]]... [H]e has created technologies for... prefabrication of {{w|rammed earth}} elements (that include {{w|insulation}}, wall [[w:Heating, ventilation, and air conditioning|heatings and coolings]], and... electrical fittings) that can be layered ...[for] multistorey buildings... [T]his can be important in order to scale up and... [speed] up the process... like in the [[w:Ricola#Ricola herb gardens|Ricola]] Herb Center in [[w:Laufen, Switzerland|Switzerland]].&lt;!--9:17; &amp;t=557s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://eartharchitecture.org/?p=1400 Erden.at , Martin Rauch] @EarthArchitecture.org '''2''') [https://www.lehmtonerde.at/en/story/martin-rauch-from-clay-to-earth-from-craft-to-architecture/ Martin Rauch]– From clay to earth, from craft to architecture @Lehm Ton Erde '''3''') [https://eartharchitecture.org/?p=724 Ricola Herb Centre] @EarthArchitecture.org&lt;/small&gt;

* '''[W]e need... projects that prove you can build with an [[Antiquity|ancient]] material in a very [[Modernity|modern]] way. It is not a matter''' [of] '''how [[Ageing|old]] the material is. It's a matter of our [[Creativity|creative ability]] to use it today.'''&lt;!--9:59; &amp;t=599s--&gt;

* These... are 3 hostels that I did in [[China]]... in the village [[w:Baoxi Township|Baoxi]]... The outside shape is [[w:Bamboo construction|woven bamboo]], and the inside core is [[stone]]s and {{W|rammed earth}}... [I]t is a [[tradition]]al {{w|building material}}. Even '''large parts of the {{w|Great Wall of China}} have been built with rammed earth''', but it's getting replaced by {{w|concrete}}, and this trend is happening very fast.&lt;!--10:16; &amp;t=616s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/bamboo-hostels-china/ Three Hostels in Baoxi, a village in China] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') YouTube video, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dK8-s4YeW4 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale China (Longquan)] @StudioAnnaHeringer channel. '''3''')  2016 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale, in Baoxi, Zhejiang province, China. Julien Lanoo photographs: [https://world-architects.com/en/julien-lanoo-comines/project/international-bamboo-architecture-biennale-libab International Bamboo Architecture Biennale (LIBAB)] '''4''') [https://www.cosentino.com/usa/blog/international-bamboo-biennale/ International Bamboo Biennale] @cosentino.com&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/small&gt;

* '''Within only a couple of years [[China]] has consumed more [[w:Portland cement|cement]] than the [[United States]] in the entire [[20th century]].'''&lt;!--10:45; &amp;t=645s--&gt;

* '''This trend of replacing [[w:Alternative natural materials|natural building materials]] with [[w:Embodied energy|materials... that are energy intensive]], and that [[w:Greenhouse gas emissions|emit]] [[w:Carbon dioxide|CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt;]] is... clearly contributing to [[climate change]]... [W]e have alternatives, such as [[mud]], [[stone]]s, [[w:Lumber|timber]], [[w:Bamboo construction|bamboo]], [[w:Earth structure|earth]], that are totally effective options for all sorts of purposes.'''&lt;!--10:55; &amp;t=655s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud]] is [[health]]y for the planet, but also for the human bodies, and the material is low-tech, but the performance is high-tech.., the earth walls... naturally regulating moisture... [T]his wall in our own home is our {{w|humidifier}}. We love our 6 tons of dirt at home''', not only because it's healthy and sustainable. It's archaic warmth is touching deep within.&lt;!--11:17; &amp;t=677s--&gt;

[[File:مدينة شبام حضرموت.jpg|thumb|{{w|Shibam}}, {{w|Yemen}}]]
* My personal [[Dreams|dream]] is to build a [[mud]] [[skyscraper]] right in [[Manhattan (borough)|Manhattan]]... [T]his dream isn't so crazy if you think of '''the mud city of {{w|Shibam}} in [[Yemen]] that was built in the 16th century, and has lasted now for 500 years. What was possible that long ago is possible today as well, and we can apply all our technical know-how to... these [[Antiquity|ancient]] materials, so that it meets our [[need]]s and our dreams.'''&lt;!--11:54; &amp;t=714s--&gt;

* '''All around us, and just below our feet, are wonderful [[w:Natural building#Materials|natural building materials]]. Let's use them!''' ...I deeply believe '''our [[home]]s, our work spaces, our [[cities]] would become more [[health]]y and [[Sustainability|sustainable]], and more [[Humanity|humane]] and [[Beauty|beautiful]].'''&lt;!--12:30; &amp;t=750s--&gt;

=== Gespräch mit den Lehmbauexperten (Nov 4 2017) ===
:&lt;small&gt;mit Andi Breuss, Anna Heringer, David Kraler, Österreichische-IISCI-IE Lehmbautagung Austrian Earth Building Conference. A '''Creative Commons''' YouTube video source: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAHHz5VqwKY Lehmbauexperten im Gespräch] | Andi Breuss, Anna Heringer (Sep 10, 2019) from the Lightaspect channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* For me, in this field of [[work]], which is mainly in [[Asia]] or [[Africa]]..., [[emancipation]] is very important, that one imparts [[knowledge]] and [[Grassroots movement|empowers people]] for self-construction, or to improve what they know.&lt;!--10:08; &amp;t=608s--&gt; 

* '''[I]t's perfectly fine if my buildings eventually end up on the compost heap, but what is wanted is that the [[knowledge]] remains, that one can simply rebuild it better'''... My passion for [[w:Community development|development]]... is... strong. My passion for [[architecture]] and [[business]] is... the fantastic link between development and... [[w:Architectural design values|architectural design]].&lt;!--10:28; &amp;t=628s--&gt;

* [[w:Earth structure|[T]his material]] is... [[health]]y for people, [[Environmentalism|for the environment]].., for the [[society]] because it creates [[Work|jobs]], and... it's [[Beauty|beautiful]]. ...That's where my motivation to work with it comes from.&lt;!--11:07; &amp;t=667s--&gt;

* [W]e need many more {{w|open source}} resources, but also a  way for people to see a real march of [[knowledge]]. ...[I]t's important that you can buy things as an architect, but... we need to know much more about new open-source resources so that {{w|people}}, even [[Poverty|those without financial means]], can access those...&lt;!--11:30; &amp;t=690s--&gt;

* [[Life]] has a good [[future]], especially when the [[w:Carbon tax|CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt; tax]] comes...&lt;!--17:44; &amp;t=1064s--&gt;

* '''[[Life]] has a chance if ...[[w:Manual labour|human labor]] is... [[Value (ethics)|value]]d... but we have to fight for it'''...&lt;!--18:18; &amp;t=1098s--&gt;

* '''If the [[economic system]] does not support [[w:Natural building|this construction method]] that is [[Social justice|socially just]], [[Ecology|ecological]].., [[health]]y, then this [[economic system]] has to be [[change]]d, because [[capitalism]] is not a [[force]] of [[nature]]. It is created by [[human]]s, and we can always abolish it.'''&lt;!--17:44; &amp;t=1064s--&gt;

=== Aga Khan Program Lecture (Nov 16, 2018) ===
:&lt;small&gt;: Anna Heringer, &quot;Architecture is a Tool to Improve Lives&quot; A [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zej6WPr28ik YouTube video] from the [[w:Harvard Graduate School of Design|Harvard GSD]] channel. Also see [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/event/anna-heringer-architecture-is-a-tool-to-improve-lives/ Anna Heringer, “Architecture is a Tool to Improve Lives”] [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/research/research-initiatives/aga-khan-program-at-the-gsd/ Aga Khan Program] [for Islamic Architecture (AKPIA)] Lecture.&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Meti School Exterior.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;{{w|METI Handmade School}}&lt;/center&gt;]]
[[File:Heringer meti school.jpg|thumb|Meti School, {{w|Haripur, Bangladesh}}, architect {{w|Anna Heringer}}]]
* [W]hat I had learned during my year in [[Bangladesh]] was that '''the most [[Sustainability|sustainable]] and... effective [[strategy]] for [[w:Community development|development]], is to... look at the [[potential]]s... existing and try to make the [[best]] out of it.., not... depending on [[w:Exogenous and endogenous variables|external factors]]'''... [S]even years later '''I tried to transform this [[philosophy]] into [[architecture]].'''&lt;!--7:40; &amp;t=460s--&gt;

* '''[I]n terms of materials.., what was there was just below my feet.., the [[mud]], the [[dirt]], and the [[bamboo]]... growing all around... [I]n terms of [[energy]], it was the {{w|people}}.., [[Happiness|happy]] to have opportunities''' [working] '''on [[w:METI Handmade School|the school]].'''&lt;!--8:03; &amp;t=483s--&gt;

* '''I wanted to show what you can do out of... local, basic materials; that it's not only possible to build small, dark {{w|hut}}s, but... also [[w:Structural engineering|large structures]].'''&lt;!--9:30; &amp;t=570s--&gt;

* [W]hen you... deal with... [[wikt:archaic#Adjective|archaic]] notions.., it doesn't make a difference between a {{w|Bavaria}}n [[Children|child]] and a [[Bangladesh]]i child...&lt;!--10:33; &amp;t=633s--&gt;

* '''The [[children]] all signed with their names on the doors... as [[authors]]''', because... every afternoon they were on the site helping us building. ...[T]hat's a very [[w:Humanity (virtue)|humane]] notion, that... '''even if you're small and... [[Weakness|weak]], you want to be part of the real [[life]]. ...You want to be [[wikt:intrinsic#Adjective|needed]].'''&lt;!--11:56; &amp;t=716s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud|[M]ud]] ...is a very [[wikt:inclusive#English:_of_groups|inclusive]] material.''' ...It is just [[ceramic]]s in a slightly different scale. ...'''[I]t's a wonderful material to [[play]]... and... [[w:Construction|build]] with, and the [[children]] felt extremely [[w:Empowerment|empowered]].'''&lt;!--12:26; &amp;t=746s--&gt;

* '''[T]he third rule is {{w|erosion control}}''', so just as a [[Hills|hill]] needs rocks or trees... to slow... the pace of the water.., '''the [[wall]] needs... on a bigger level.., speed breakers... on the {{w|façade}}, and... on the micro level you have... {{w|straw}}, and... if... {{w|rammed earth}} you have [[stone]]s... so that the façade is... [[w:Self-healing material|self-healing]].''' They are extremely [[w:Compressive strength|strong]] and there is no {{w|cement}} in it except in the [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]].&lt;!--13:43; &amp;t=823s--&gt;

* '''I felt more like a [[w:Conducting|conductor]]... when I could give space to the [[Workmanship|craftsmen]] to bring in their own [[ideas]]''', and I could just moderate... and then I knew when I had to step in and take the lead again... [I]t was a... dynamic... and [[wikt:participation#Noun|participatory]] [process].&lt;!--18:46; &amp;t=1126s--&gt;

* '''[T]he biggest [[learning]] [[experience]] is the things that don't turn out the way you want'''...&lt;!--19:09; &amp;t=1149s--&gt;

* The entire top floor had to be replaced because I had no idea as a [[w:Bavarians|Bavarian]] what is good [[bamboo]] and what [is] not. ...[T]he super nice, green, fresh, sugary bamboo ...was a big party for the [[beetles]]...&lt;!--19:23; &amp;t=1163s--&gt;

* '''[[Vulnerability]] is part of life. ...[[Decay|[D]ecay]] is... normal... [[Hindu]]s... build their cottages every year out of [[mud]], out of [[clay]], and they return it to the [[water]] every year, while we build everything in [[gold]], and in the most durable materials... The holy statues... go into the water in the cycle every year. ...That's something we can ...[[Learning|learn]] from''' ...&lt;!--20:26; &amp;t=1226s--&gt;

* '''We're always thinking... we have to build for [[eternity]]. ...But ...much more important is the [[w:Procedural knowledge|know-how]] that we're leaving behind. ...I'm really ok if my [[building]]s go back to [[nature]] one day ...I really don't think that I'm so important that my buildings have to stand forever. ...If they're needed they will be rebuilt, and the know-how will be passed on from one generation to the next. ...[T]hat's the important thing, that we ...build and create [[knowledge]], and not just [[waste]].'''&lt;!--22:24; &amp;t=1344s--&gt;

* '''The core problem of [[sustainability]] is how we deal with the [[fear]] of [[decay]] and [[death]]... [T]hat's... something, especially in our society, a big [[taboo]], but... death is a part of [[nature]], and that's just something we have to [[respect]].'''&lt;!--22:24; &amp;t=1344s--&gt;

* '''[[Vulnerability|[V]ulnerability]]'''... in the beginning... was difficult to deal with.., but... it '''is a... source of [[creativity]]''', because... every material... plus every {{w|climate}} is different... and the materials are vulnerable towards the climate... The mud is water resolvable... It's vulnerable, so I have to change my [[Architecture|architectural]] [[language]], and... tailor it... '''[T]hat gives two great {{w|parameter}}s, the climate and... local materials... and the byproduct is.. [[wikt:authentic#Adjective|authentic]] and... unique [[architecture]]'''...&lt;!--23:24; &amp;t=1404s--&gt;

* All the buildings I'm doing are looking different because my architectural language is created out of this vulnerability...&lt;!--24:19; &amp;t=1404s--&gt;

* '''[[Mud|[M]ud]] is my... passion.''' Almost 3 billion people... are living in mud buildings... and it's so important to scale it up... '''[I]t's a material... everywhere available, that needs... [[w:Manual labour|labor]]''', and... we need [[work]] for 7 billion people, '''and it doesn't... [emit] [[w:Carbon dioxide|CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt;]]. ...That's the perfect material that we need for the [[future]]. ...[W]e ...need ...to [[w:Scalability|scale it up]]''', and that's ...the topic of a new book ...I just wrote with Lindsey Blair Howe and Martin Rauch.&lt;!--30:21; &amp;t=1821s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': Anna Heringer, Lindsey Blair Howe, Martin Rauch, ''Upscaling Earth'' (2019) gta Verlag, Zurich.&lt;/small&gt;

* '''[O]ur current studio is dealing with the [[w:Rohingya genocide|Rohingya crisis]] in [[Bangladesh]]. ...[[Mud]] is often used in therapies... to overcome [[trauma]]'''... [W]hile the process... is forming community, it's healing... You feel powerful again, because... '''when you [[w:Construction|build]] the [[house]], you feel [[w:Empowerment|empowered]]... [T]hat's... what we're trying... to contribute'''...&lt;!--32:04, 37:18; &amp;t=2238s, 1924s--&gt;

* '''A person who lives in a [[Beauty|beautiful]], unique environment with a strong {{w|cultural identity}}, where she or he can actively [[w:Public participation (decision making)|participate]], and find [[work]] in [[creativity|creating]] it, is [less] likely at risk to fall toward [[Ideology|ideological]] [[fundamentalism]] in the search for [[meaning]]'''... [T]his kind of fundamentalism is... a danger '''in the [[w:Kutupalong refugee camp|camp]]s. ...[T]hey have nothing to hold on, except their [[religion]], and... have all this [[pain]]'''.., and that often comes out... in an [[Aggression|agressive]]... movement.&lt;!--39:49; &amp;t=2399s--&gt;

* '''[T]he time of star [[Architecture|architects]] is over, but... we need [[wikt:iconic#Adjective|iconic]] [[building]]s... that... give directions and shows some [[vision]]s'''...&lt;!--40:44; &amp;t=2444s--&gt;

* I don't like [[symmetry]] much, but... in that project and... cultural context, the center was... very important, so I started to... go into this central and symmetric... [[meditation]].&lt;!--42:25; &amp;t=2545s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/bamboo-hostels-china/ Three Hostels in Baoxi, a village in China] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') YouTube video, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dK8-s4YeW4 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale China (Longquan)] @StudioAnnaHeringer channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* I'm... working into... smaller scale... interior projects... with Martin Rauch... in Austria, in an interior courtyard.., the hangout area for the employees... with a high tech company.., and we brought in... low tech material...&lt;!--45:43; &amp;t=2743s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/omicron-monolith/ Omicron living rooms] '''2''') [https://dtflr.com/en/projects/omicron-campus-klaus#:~:text=Crossing%20Borders Omicron Campus] (DTFLR)&lt;/small&gt;

* [M]artin [Rauch] and I... wanted to... do... the very basic building techniques.., [[w:Sudano-Sahelian architecture|the Butabu technique]].., taking the wet clay and shaping it with your... hands... [W]e designed... and... built it.., like [[ceramic]]s... these sausages, one layer after the other.., two stories.&lt;!--46:33; &amp;t=2793s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://web.archive.org/web/20130320135454/http://www.wmf.org/sites/default/files/wmf_article/pg_36-39_butabu.pdf Butabu: West Africa's Extraordinary Earthen Legacy] {{w|World Monuments Fund}} (WMF) @WayBackMachine&lt;/small&gt;

* [W]e could have done it with a [[w:Construction 3D printing|3-D plotter]]... but it's such a [[joy]], and it gives... such a connection... [T]hat is... a point... missing in our society. '''We are not making things any more, and this [[joy]] in really being involved, and feeling... how your physical pressure is shaping the architecture and... spaces. This is a joy I would never give into the hands of a [[robot]] or... plotter'''... Once we had the [[hands]] in the [[mud]] and... doing these things... the [[mind]] got a relief... [T]his... we are losing in our parts of the society. We are giving the nicest parts away... [T]hat's something we have to bring back...&lt;!--47:34; &amp;t=2854s--&gt;
 
* [T]his [[w:Natural building|very basic building technique]]... is... almost unaffordable... in our [[economic system]]... Although... [[health]]y for people.., for the planet, and it's creating jobs (so also healthy for the [[society]]), why... punished with a higher price? '''There's something wrong with our economic system..! [A] {{w|carbon tax}}'''... '''would set... the right [[balance]] again.'''&lt;!--49:41; &amp;t=2981s--&gt;

* '''[[Capitalism|[C]apitalism]] is... man-made. It's not a force of nature, and it's... time to change'''...&lt;!--50:33; &amp;t=3033s--&gt;

* '''[T]here is [[1 (number)|one]] [[sustainability]], one approach.., that's a [[wikt:global#Adjective|global]] one, because if something is [[wikt:exclusive#Adjective|exclusive]]'''.., just affordable for one part of the [[society]] or the world's population, '''then it can't.., on a social level, be sustainable.'''&lt;!--51:07; &amp;t=3067s--&gt;

* '''We are [[1 (number)|one]] [[planet]].'''&lt;!--51:22; &amp;t=3082s--&gt;

* '''I [[work]]... looking at the local materials.., the local energy sources.., then adding [[wikt:global#Adjective|global]] [[creativity]]'''...&lt;!--51:29; &amp;t=3089s--&gt;

* '''[[Creativity|[C]reativity]] [[Knowledge|know-how]] should not be limited to one place. That should be coming in from a global scale and... applied to local conditions.'''&lt;!--51:43; &amp;t=3103s--&gt;

* '''I always use... the technique of &quot;claystorming&quot;'''..: [projects] [[design]]ed... on large clay models. ...We think ...how may square meters, how much volume.., and then we start shaping it.&lt;!--51:58; &amp;t=3118s--&gt;

* '''[T]he process is just as important as the outcome... [I]n former times, [[Community|communities]], [[cities]] were coming together [[Creativity|creating]].., [[w:Construction|building]]..,''' a church, a school... [etc.,] '''and that... [[Unity|united]] the {{w|people}}''', because '''you cannot build... alone.''' You have to come together... to manage large scale projects... '''[T]his is a... powerful element that we have lost''' in our societies... (given away to [[w:General contractor|contractors]]), '''and... something... we have to gain back.'''&lt;!--55:15; &amp;t=3118s--&gt;

* '''So we decided... We built [[w:Worms Cathedral#High altar|the altar]] out of [[mud]].''' ...[T]he whole community is coming together to build it. ...And then the [[w:Rammed earth|ramming]] started. ...The people started to bring in their own elements ...[S]omeone ...said, &quot;Oh, I'm from [[France]], and I was a [[Soldiers|soldier]] in [[Algeria]], and my mother gave me that... amulet in... war time and it protected me...&quot; ...The [homesick] [[India]]n nuns ...brought a piece of [[India]]n [[Soil|earth]] ...putting it in ... [and] starting to cry. So... '''[[w:Earth (classical element)|earth]] is much more than a building material. It's... an [[Emotions|emotional]] [[w:Classical element|element]]'''... &lt;!--56:35; &amp;t=3395s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/wormser-doms-sanctuary-interiors/ Wormser Dom's sanctuary interiors] @anna-heringer.com&lt;/small&gt;

* [[Children|[K]ids]] were coming in... from all over the world... mixing the mud... their hands in the mud... and... stamping their feet in the formwork.&lt;!--57:58; &amp;t=3478s--&gt;

* '''The [[priest]].., in the beginning... wasn't... sure about this project.., but then he found in [[the Bible]] a [[Quotations|quote]] where [[Moses]], when he received the [[Ten Commandments]].., received the... direct order how to build the [[altar]].., &quot;It should be made out of mud.&quot;'''&lt;!--59:02; &amp;t=3542s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Bible_(King_James)/Exodus/Chapter_20 20:24 (King James Version)] An altar of earth thou shalt make unto me...&lt;/small&gt; 

* '''We're not lacking of materials, but what we are lacking is [[relationship]]s... and [[meaning]]'''. ...That is ...the [[Symbolism (arts)|symbol]] of the [[altar]]. It brings us back... to the [[essence]]... [W]hat really matters is... relationships and meaning.&lt;!--59:57; &amp;t=3597s--&gt;

* That picture is... very important.., this [[w:Alpha and Omega|alpha and omega]]... [T]o truly build [[Sustainability|sustainable]] '''we have to... embed the Omega. When we design buildings and objects, we should... design how it can go back to the [[Soil|ground]], to... [[nature]] again.'''&lt;!--1:00:28; &amp;t=3628s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Overhead''': Inscription of the Α and Ω on the alter.&lt;/small&gt;

* [T]he most important thing... in my work is raising [[trust]]... in their own [[potential]]s.., [Y]ou can... get rid of the [[strife]].., [[ego]]. Leave space... for [[intuition]]... [Y]ou have everything inside. You don't need... plotters, programs... [etc.] We're getting so... [dependent]. ...[W]e need [[creativity]].., intuition, and we have to give [them] space to... create... surprising [[architecture]].&lt;!--1:00:50; &amp;t=3650s--&gt;

* '''[[Trust|[T]rust]] is... important... [to] bring [[wikt:participation#Noun|participation]] into our projects... [W]e have to [[compromise]] sometimes in [[perfection]], but it brings back... [[meaning]] and [[relationship]]'''.., important in our [[society]]...&lt;!--1:01:27; &amp;t=3687s--&gt;

* '''[[Trust|[T]rust]] in the [beautiful] local materials all around us... [W]e... need to use them... to create a planet that is also there for the {{w|future generations}}.'''&lt;!--1:01:52; &amp;t=3712s--&gt;

* 500 years ago we were able to do this, so with all our [[technology]]... there are no limitations. It's a wide field open for [[innovation]], because... [[w:Earth structure|mud architecture]] has not been much discovered yet. ...I hope ...[[Collegiality|colleague]]s join me in... pushing... forward.&lt;!--1:02:09; &amp;t=3729s--&gt;

* '''[[Architecture|[A]rchitecture]] is a [very powerful] tool to improve lives'''...&lt;!--1:02:40; &amp;t=3760s--&gt;

* '''[I]n the end of my career'''.., adding up all the building budgets.., '''I want to be able to tell myself that... the [[money]]... ended up with {{w|people}}, with [[w:Artisan|craftsmen]], and not just in big pockets of... some [[Industry|industries]], and... that I contributed to [[social justice]], to [[cultural diversity]], and I'm not leaving scars, but a [[Gardens|garden]] behind.'''&lt;!--1:02:47; &amp;t=3767s--&gt;

* '''[W]e should use... [architecture] with all the [[creativity]] that we have, with all our [[wikt:sensitiveness#English:_responsive_empathy|sensitiveness]] and... [[love]]... to make this place, the [[world]].., better, more [[Beauty|beautiful]] and more [[w:Humanity (virtue)|humane]]'''...&lt;!--1:03:17; &amp;t=3797s--&gt;

==== Question and Answer Period ====

* '''I had never seen {{w|humidifier}}s before. ...[I]t's weird to make walls that are completely sealed, that cannot breath.''' ...In winter you have to plug in these instruments. You need a lot of [[electricity]] to get... a {{w|humidity}} that... is comfortable, while... '''my {{w|humidifier}} is my [[mud]] wall at home... It's completely automatic, and it's much more [[health]]y.''' ...I'm living not in a total [[w:Load-bearing wall|load bearing]] mud house, because I'm living in a 500 year old house. So I did a lot... inside... So there's a lot of hybrid versions also possible.&lt;!--1:04:37; &amp;t=3877s--&gt;

* The [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]] is the only thing where it would make sense to get [commercial] material. ...[T]he regulations in the [[w:Kutupalong refugee camp|camp]] are that there should be no lasting material there. So... you have to make {{w|rammed earth}} foundations, which a lot of houses in [[Bangladesh]]... have, also some 2-story houses. It's not that strong.., but... it's possible. It's doable. It just needs to be... a thick rammed earth foundation, and... the walls also have to be comparatively thick.&lt;!--1:07:21; &amp;t=4041s--&gt;

=== Anna Heringer Interview: Leave No Waste, But Knowledge (Feb 25, 2021) ===
:&lt;small&gt;A YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCkKWAjygRE video source] from Louisiana Channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* I... grew up.. surrounded by an architecture that is... [[wikt:archaic#Adjective|archaic]]... and... born out of the material... from that region.&lt;!--1:10; &amp;t=70s--&gt;

* It was fantastic to grow up, [to have] as a... playground... these [[w:Gothic architecture|gothic]]... [[w:Vault (architecture)|vault systems]].., and the lines... built out of the local [[stone]]s... That was... the... tools and the toys that we had... growing up...&lt;!--2:09; &amp;t=129s--&gt; 

* The tradition, the culture of [[Germany|this place]]... as a shaping element is... dominant.., and... raised an interest... in other parts of the [[world]].., to see this from another perspective. That's why I went from {{w|Bavaria}} to [[Bangladesh]].., a completely different cultural context.., to see... how... local traditions... with local resources... is shaping [[architecture]].., and... the search of people on their way to [[happiness]].., the aim, to... reach a [[life]]... in [[balance]] with [[nature]]...&lt;!--2:45; &amp;t=165s--&gt;

* '''[T]here is a lot of similarity between the [[life]]... anywhere... It's always, what existing resources... you have, and how can you use... [[creativity]] to make the best out of it? ...[T]hat's what I'm trying to do with my architecture.'''&lt;!--3:53; &amp;t=233s--&gt;

* '''How... {{w|people}} get together and... build something together.., and this [[identity]]... linked with that, and this [[pride]] when you stand... in front of that [[church]] and say.., &quot;We built it,&quot; and that {{w|community spirit}}... created... [T]his is something... we have to incorporate... It's not just about the outcome and the architecture, but... [[design]]ing the process'''...&lt;!--4:30; &amp;t=270s--&gt;

* [I]n any project... I'm trying to bring in this notion... that... the [[community]] gets together and gets their hands involved in the building process... [T]hen... if you stand in front of that building, you... feel an extreme [[trust]] in your own [[potential]]s and... in the [[Teamwork|team]], the [[community]], and in the local resources...&lt;!--5:03; &amp;t=303s--&gt;

* '''If you have strong roots, then it's much easier to go away and discover new horizons.'''&lt;!--5:54; &amp;t=354s--&gt;

* I'm... an {{w|architect}}, but I'm also a [[w:Community development|development]] worker.., an [[Activism|activist]], and... there's this [[creativity|creative itching]] in me... [I]f I see a need somewhere, and... a [[potential]], then it might, Zing! and then something is coming out...&lt;!--5:54; &amp;t=393s--&gt;

* '''I'm trying to use the [[creativity]], always as a tool to improve [[Life|lives]]'''.&lt;!--6:56; &amp;t=416s--&gt;

* [W]hen I start a project... I try to figure out what are the resources available... in terms of materiality.., [[energy]] sources, and... [[Knowledge|know-how]], [[Workmanship|craft skills]]... [etc.] [I]t's essential that the materials... [and] energy sources are local.., particularly... [[w:Manual labour|human labor]].., a wonderful source of energy. Whenever we think of [[Renewable energy|alternative sources of energy]], we think of [[w:Solar energy|solar]], [[w:Wind power|wind]]... [etc.,] but... the '''human energy is... important, and... if we don't use it, then we create a [[w:Social issue|social problem]]. So this... is the most important energy source'''...&lt;!--7:01; &amp;t=421s--&gt;

* '''Materials... coming from far away... needs a lot of [[transport]]ation, and... it's not needed''' [i.e., necessary]. '''We have fantastic building materials all around.'''&lt;!--8:14; &amp;t=494s--&gt; 

* '''[[Sustainability|[S]ustainability]] is... [[harmony]] with [[nature]], with the [[w:Sociocultural perspective|sociocultural context]],''' [and] '''with the {{w|people}} (the users). ...[I]t's ...doing things with [[love]] and [[wikt:care#Noun|care]], and not just ...on a formal level''' [to] '''[[Problem solving|solve a problem]]... [[Beauty|[B]eauty]]... is an expression of love and... sustainability is a synonym of beauty.'''&lt;!--9:47; &amp;t=587s--&gt;

* '''[T]here is some [[activism]]... in... the sign, &quot;Less {{w|concrete}} more [[Earth]]&quot;... [W]e just can't continue building as we do. It's... just not working.'''&lt;!--10:20; &amp;t=620s--&gt;

* In [[Bangladesh]] the cheapest solution is also the [[Sustainability|sustainable]] one. You just take the dirt from the ground and... build it with your hands. If you do this... in [[Europe]], it's damned expensive! ...[T]hat makes me [[Anger|angry]].&lt;!--10:45; &amp;t=645s--&gt;

* '''[I]t's not a problem of the [[mud]]... or [[w:Earth structure|earthen architecture]], but... a problem with our [[economic system]].''' ...[W]e have to readjust our system and... have a higher price on materials that have... high embodied... [[energy]] {{w|resource}}s... and [that] create a lot of [[w:Greenhouse gas emissions|carbon emissions]]. So we... have to [[w:Carbon tax|tax those]], and... decrease the taxes on [[Manual labor|human labor]]... [T]hat would completely change our [[economic system]]... [and] our [[social system]]. ...[I]t would not just make [[w:Distribution of wealth|a few people rich]], but... would... make... a strong middle {{w|class}}, and really build up {{w|people}}...&lt;!--11:00; &amp;t=660s--&gt;

* '''[W]e have [[1 (number)|one]] [[planet]]''', and we should... [[design]]... [accordingly.]  '''[W]e are one humankind''', and just because I could afford... to build... with a lot of resources... [[steel]].., [[w:Greenhouse gas emissions|carbon emissions]].., {{w|concrete}}, I shouldn't.., because it's... using up more resources than... persons... visiting this [[opera]]... should... consume.&lt;!--12:18; &amp;t=738s--&gt;

* '''[W]henever I'm designing, I... have... in mind... times 7 billion.., considering what would the [[world]] look like if... 7.5 billion people would do it in the same way.'''&lt;!--12:45; &amp;t=765s--&gt;

* If you use that bucket of paint.., it's maybe just a bucket of paint, but if 7 billion people are using that paint that is... [[w:Groundwater pollution|harming the groundwater]]... No, I don't have the right to use that paint, and that's... my approach...&lt;!--13:08; &amp;t=788s--&gt;

* '''It was just [[dirt]],''' and you just pile it somehow into a wall, but... '''[[mud]] was not considered to be equal to [[Bricks|brick]] or... {{w|concrete}}... It was just a [[wikt:temporary#Adjective|temporary]], [[dirt]]y solution. ...[T]he most important part was... to show that... with good [design and] craftsmanship, you can really... improve the quality of [[house]]s'''...&lt;!--14:14; &amp;t=854s--&gt;

* I invited them... [the [[wives]]] to join the site as workers... [T]hat's the nice part with the [[mud]] because it's... [[w:Inclusive design|inclusive]]. You find [[work]] for everyone... We had people with [[Disability|disabilities]] working.., we had [[children]] involved.., and... the [[women]]... [T]hey traditionally do the plastering... with their hands. I said fine, it looks... more beautiful to me. ...After 2 or 3 days they started working with their... wives... [I]t was such a good [[Teamwork|team spirit]]... and... we as architects were also doing the least accepted work, like carrying the mud on their heads... trying to break up [[Hierarchy|hierarchies]] and... foster this team spirit... [T]he women... were getting the same salary as their husbands and working side by side. That really changed also, on the social level, in the village.&lt;!--16:22; &amp;t=982s--&gt;

* [A] good looking architecture is not enough. ...[I]t ...has to bring [[meaning]] to the people, and... add... to a [[health]]y [[Earth|planet]]... [T]hat's what I'm trying to do with the [[work]].&lt;!--18:04; &amp;t=1084s--&gt;

* I deeply believe that '''the [[world]] is not [[Change|changing]] with... [single] big [[decisions]]. It's the every day small decisions that are really shaping our [[w:Built environment|environment]] and our [[society]].'''&lt;!--27:13; &amp;t=1633s--&gt;

* [T]he core problem with [[sustainability]]... [is] that these [[w:Natural building#Materials|natural materials]] are... linked with [[vulnerability]].., but... the vulnerability of [[w:Earth structure|earth]] is also the biggest [[advantage]]... [I]t can go back to the ground without [[Environmental degradation|harming the environment]].&lt;!--28:10; &amp;t=1690s--&gt;

* [W]e are a [[waste]] [[society]], but we are trying to build in the most [[w:Durability|durable]] way. In fact.., we've never built for [[eternity]]. I'm fully OK if my buildings are de-composting one day. ...'''I'm hoping that I'm really leaving no waste, but [[knowledge]]. ...How to build something good out of the local resources. That's my [[Dreams|dream]].'''&lt;!--28:28; &amp;t=1708s--&gt;

* Once an earth building is standing, you couldn't tell if it's there 1 day or... 100s of years. It has immediately this... [[wikt:archaic#Adjective|archaic]] feeling, but it also is not dominant. It's just there, in a very calm and present way, and that would... [[Beauty|beautifully]] blend in this [[History|historic]] surrounding.&lt;!--29:00; &amp;t=1740s--&gt;

=== Architecture is a Tool to Improve Lives (Nov, 2021) ===
:&lt;small&gt;Anna Heringer Lecture, International Conference on Traditional Building Architecture and Urbanism: Timeless Architecture (Nov 17-18, 2021) A [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7JKKFdyZtM YouTube video] from the Fundación Culturas Constructivas Tradicionales channel.&lt;/small&gt;

* [I]n terms of local [[energy]] sources, it was {{w|people}}. ...[W]hen we think of energy sources, we think of [[sun]].., [[wind]].., [[oil]], but we as human beings... are also sources of energy, and we are a growing source. ...We are almost 8 billion people, so we need to use this ...otherwise we create a social problem. '''We need to create [[work]] through [[architecture]].'''&lt;!--3:01; &amp;t=181s--&gt;

* The [[children]] all signed... the doors, and... rightfully.., because they also helped building [[w:METI Handmade School|the school]]. ...[W]ith [[Soil|earth]], it's a wonderful [[w:Inclusive design|inclusive]] material. It's not harmful. You don't need sophisticated tools. You can use... your [[hands]], and it's wonderful to [[touch]]. It's non-[[w:Toxicity|toxic]], so it's... one of the beautiful {{w|asset}}s of [[earth]], that it's so inclusive. We also had people with [[Disability|disabilities]] working.., [[Man|men]].., [[women]] and [[Ageing|elderly]] people.., a fantastic diversity in the [[Teamwork|team]].&lt;!--4:36; &amp;t=276s--&gt;

* '''These walls are hit by horizontal {{w|monsoon}} [[wind]]s since 2005, and the walls are standing strong. We didn't have to repair the walls. ...You have to ...apply ... certain rules, good boots, meaning a good [[w:Foundation (engineering)|foundation]].., a good {{w|roof}}, and then the walls are really standing strong.'''&lt;!--6:08; &amp;t=338s--&gt;

* '''[W]hen it comes to economic sustainability, it's never... just low [[cost]]... [T]he question is, who gets the [[profit]], and who gets the [[Benefits|benefit]]..? [T]hat's much more important, anywhere in the [[world]].'''&lt;!--6:32; &amp;t=392s--&gt;

* '''I want to be able in the end.., when I'm... summing up all my budgets at the end of my life.., to be able to tell myself that it ended up with those who really needed it, and not just making the [[Wealth|rich]] [[Industry|industries]] even more rich.'''&lt;!--7:46; &amp;t=466s--&gt;

* The last building I did in... [[w:Rudrapur, Bangladesh|Rudrapur]]... is a center for people with [[Disability|disabilities]], and a workshop for fair clothes production... I wanted to show it's good that we have a [[diversity]].., people that break out of the mode, and that is something [[Beauty|beautiful]].., something to [[Celebration|celebrate]]. So this building is... celebrating this diversity and breaking out of the mold...&lt;!--8:01; &amp;t=481s--&gt;

* [T]his [[w:Inclined plane#Uses|ramp]] winds... all around the building... [I]t's the only ramp in that area... they've ever seen. ...'''[[w:Inclusive design|[I]nclusiveness]] is... a powerful thing in [[architecture]], that you can make... [ideas and concepts] clearly visible.''' ...[U]nderneath the ramp we have caves ...so you can ...crawl in ...and it's part of the [[therapy]]. The [[children]] have to move their bodies in a different way... so they train their muscles... [and] [[w:Motor coordination|coordination]] [[skill]]s, and it's... rewarding... The [[children]] from the village that have no disabilities... sneak in.., but they know they are the [[guests]] of the children with disabilities.., and it's a different zone for connecting with each other.&lt;!--9:03; &amp;t=481s--&gt;

* The [[w:Textile industry in Bangladesh|garment sector]]... in [[Bangladesh]] because... drags... the [[w:Workforce|labor force]] from the villages into... fabrication hubs... The [[women]] have to leave their [[Family|families]]... and live in these... textile hubs where their life is... depending on [[w:Exogenous and endogenous variables|external factors]], where they lose a lot of [[independence]] and... [[w:Quality of life|life quality]]. So '''I wanted to bring in some work [[Opportunity|opportunities]] for the women to be able to stay with their families and... keep the village alive.'''&lt;!--11:05; &amp;t=665s--&gt;

* I was invited in [[China]] for the Bamboo Biennale... [T]he idea was to show and prove that you can build with old materials... in a modern way.&lt;!--14:48; &amp;t=948s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref: 1''') [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/bamboo-hostels-china/ Three Hostels in Baoxi, a village in China] @anna-heringer.com '''2''') YouTube video, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dK8-s4YeW4 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale China (Longquan)] @StudioAnnaHeringer channel. '''3''')  2016 International Bamboo Architecture Biennale, in Baoxi, Zhejiang province, China. Julien Lanoo photographs: [https://world-architects.com/en/julien-lanoo-comines/project/international-bamboo-architecture-biennale-libab International Bamboo Architecture Biennale (LIBAB)] '''4''') [https://www.cosentino.com/usa/blog/international-bamboo-biennale/ International Bamboo Biennale] @cosentino.com&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/small&gt;

* '''I'm often asked, &quot;Do you want to send people back to the [[Stone Age]]?&quot; Of course not, but it's not a matter of how [[Ageing|old]] a material is. It's a matter of our [[creativity|creative ability]] to use it today.'''&lt;!--16:08; &amp;t=968s--&gt;

* [T]hese ...three [youth] hostels ...we built with... an intensive bamboo weaving structure. The idea was to have a core that has all the facilities, and attached to this core and staircase there are... [bamboo woven] cocoons, like tents or Chinese lampshades. ...They did a fantastic job in the bamboo weaving.&lt;!--16:20; &amp;t=980s--&gt;

* Between 2011 and 2013 [[China]] has consumed more [[w:Portland cement|cement]] than the [[United States]] in the past century. ...This is happening in [[India]] and so many countries around the world... [W]e clearly cannot continue like this. We have to look for alternatives such as [[w:Lumber|timber]].., [[w:Earth structure|earth]]... [etc.]&lt;!--17:10; &amp;t=1030s--&gt;

[[File:Hochaltar im Westchor des Wormser Domes.jpg|thumb|{{w|Worms Cathedral}} High altar of Johann {{w|Balthasar Neumann}}]]
* [A] competition for building a new [[altar]]... was... delicate because, first, it was the 1,000 year old birthday of [[w:Worms Cathedral|the cathedral]], and the interior is... by {{w|Balthasar Neumann}} so it was... difficult to put something in front of it. ...We decided... not to bring the ready-made object, but to bring the tools, the materials and the community [together]... to build... this alter... [and] to celebrate the community.&lt;!--18:26; &amp;t=1106s--&gt;
** &lt;small&gt;'''Ref''': [https://www.anna-heringer.com/projects/wormser-doms-sanctuary-interiors/ Wormser Dom's sanctuary interiors] @anna-heringer.com&lt;/small&gt;

* Initially the concept was to... [put] in [[History|historic]] elements... from the rich historic times of [[w:Worms, Germany|Worms]], but... people started to bring... personal items.., amulets went in, the best [[wine]].., [[honey]] of the region, [[Newspapers|newspaper articles]], letters, postcards.., and it became more and more... an object [or reflection] of the community. The [[children]]... put in some pink litter...&lt;!--19:10; &amp;t=1150s--&gt;

* We had everyone, from the [[choir]].., the council.., the [[w:Altar server|alter boys and girls]].., standing in front of the finished object.., we couldn't let go. We constantly wanted to [[touch]] it...&lt;!--19:57; &amp;t=1197s--&gt;

* '''You're not just building a building. You also build up a community''', and that's the wonderful thing. '''In the past we came together as a [[society]], built [[w:Town hall|city hall]], built the [[church]], built the [[mosque]]... [etc.] [T]his kind of pulling on one direction to reach one common aim... is something that fostered... community, and now we delegate the act of building... to experts, and we don't have these community building processes... [T]hat's a huge loss, and we have to enable [[wikt:participation#Noun|participation]] again'''.&lt;!--20:17; &amp;t=1217s--&gt;

* '''We are not lacking of materiality. We are lacking of good [[relationship]]s, but this is something the process of construction and [[architecture]] can... provide.'''&lt;!--20:56; &amp;t=1256s--&gt;

* The question is &quot;Form follows what?&quot; '''&quot;{{w|Form follows function}}&quot;... is outdated.''' ...[A]rchitecture ...and society is much more complex, and we have to react to this. ...'''[W]e have a lot of functional.., good-looking buildings, but we need [[meaning]]ful.., [[Beauty|beautiful]] buildings... [T]he question is, &quot;What is [[Reality|real]] beauty?&quot; ...[I]t's a formal expression of [[love]], so.., &quot;Form follows Love!&quot;'''&lt;!--21:07; &amp;t=1267s--&gt;

== Quotes about Heringer ==

* Hand-built in four months by the local community and volunteer architects from Germany and Austria, the School in {{w|Rudrapur, Bangladesh}}, makes use of... local materials to create a new model for school construction that is beautiful, simple and humane. The architects Anna Heringer and Eike Roswag will share the Award with the craftsmen and volunteers.., and the Bangladeshi [[Non-governmental organization|NGO]] for sustainable rural development, Dipshikha.
** Aga Khan Development Network (AKDN) [https://the.akdn/en/resources-media/whats-new/news-release/nine-projects-receive-2007-aga-khan-award-architecture Nine projects receive 2007 Aga Khan Award for Architecture] (Oct 24, 2007)

* &quot;Building Simply&quot;... is typically... utilizing low-cost materials to produce a rudimentary, one-off design. Yet, too rarely does the... process lead to... a viable model for a self-sustainable building culture. In light of this.., the honorary professorship of Anna Heringer and Martin Rauch at the [[w:ETH Zurich|Swiss Federal Technical Institute (ETH) Zurich]] developed two housing prototypes intended... as models of material and process-aware construction. Emphasizing earthen construction as a catalyst for resourceful, low-impact, and self-empowering development, their studio.., &quot;Earthen&quot;, studied... practical solutions to improve... living standards in [[w:Mufindi District|Mdabulo]].., [[Tanzania]]. ...ETH students took part in the construction of the two houses...
** Wayne Switzer, [https://ethz.ch/content/dam/ethz/special-interest/conference-websites-dam/no-cost-housing-dam/documents/Switzer%20Paper.pdf &quot;Building Simply: Earthen Housing Prototypes in Tanzania&quot;] (2016) No Cost Housing Conference, hosted by the [https://wohnforum.arch.ethz.ch/ ETH Wohnforum.]

* [T]he honorary professorship of Anna Heringer and Martin Rauch at the [[w:ETH Zurich|Swiss Federal Technical Institute (ETH) Zurich]] developed two housing prototypes intended to serve as models of material and process-aware construction. The ethos of the Heringer-Rauch professorship emphasizes earthen construction as a catalyst for resourceful, low-impact, and self-empowering development.
** Wayne Switzer, [https://ethz.ch/content/dam/ethz/special-interest/conference-websites-dam/no-cost-housing-dam/documents/Switzer%20Paper.pdf &quot;Building Simply: Earthen Housing Prototypes in Tanzania&quot;] (2016) No Cost Housing Conference, hosted by the [https://wohnforum.arch.ethz.ch/ ETH Wohnforum.]

* During her stays in [[Bangladesh]].., Anna Herington has dealt with the local clay construction technology... with possibilities for improving the traditional construction method. The aim was for the houses to better withstand... heavy rains or floods and... build two-storey... in order to make better use of the space.&lt;br /&gt;In 2005, under the direction of Anna Heringer and Eike Roswag, a now [[w:METI Handmade School|multi-award-winning school building]] was built for the school project METI [Modern Education and Training Institute] made of clay and bamboo. In 2007, they were awarded the prestigious [[w:Aga Khan Award for Architecture|Aga Khan Prize for architecture]] for the building.&lt;br /&gt;In 2007/8, another two-storey clay building planned by Anna Heringer for the DESI [Dipshikha Electrical Skill Improvement] project was built.., [also] in [[w:Rudrapur, Bangladesh|Rudrapur]]. A solar system was installed on the roof of the building, making the building [energy] independent...
** Shanti, &quot;Clay construction (Dipshikha)&quot; in [https://shanti.de/wordpress/project/pilotprojekte#:~:text=Heringer &quot;Pilot projects of our partner organisations&quot;] (Jul 23, 2019)

== See also ==
* [[Architecture]]
* [[Building]]
* [[Education]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://www.anna-heringer.com Anna-Heringer.com]
* [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/person/anna-heringer/ Anna Heringer] @{{w|Harvard Graduate School of Design}} (gsd.harvard.edu)
* [https://ethz.ch/content/dam/ethz/special-interest/conference-websites-dam/no-cost-housing-dam/documents/Switzer_Paper.pdf Building Simply: Earthen Housing Prototypes in Tanzania] by Wayne Switzer, assistant to Guest Professorship Anna Heringer &amp; Martin Rauch, ETH Zürich.
* [https://www.gsd.harvard.edu/project/mudworks-exhibition/ Mudworks] design-build installation &amp; exhibition
* [https://www.youtube.com/@StudioAnnaHeringer StudioAnnaHeringer] @YouTube

* YouTube videos
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCkKWAjygRE  Anna Heringer Interview: Leave No Waste, But Knowledge] @Louisiana channel

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      <comment>Created page with &quot; '''John Eudes''', [[Congregation of Jesus and Mary|CIM]] ({{langx|fr|link=no|Jean Eudes}}; 14 November 1601 – 19 August 1680) was a [[Catholic Church in France|French Catholic]] priest and the founder of both the [[Order of Our Lady of Charity]] in 1641 and [[Congregation of Jesus and Mary]], also known as the Eudists, in 1643. He was also a professed member of the [[Oratory of Jesus]] until 1643.  ==Quotes about== *[In Paradise] Up there is Thomas Aquinas|St. Thoma...&quot;</comment>
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'''John Eudes''', [[Congregation of Jesus and Mary|CIM]] ({{langx|fr|link=no|Jean Eudes}}; 14 November 1601 – 19 August 1680) was a [[Catholic Church in France|French Catholic]] priest and the founder of both the [[Order of Our Lady of Charity]] in 1641 and [[Congregation of Jesus and Mary]], also known as the Eudists, in 1643. He was also a professed member of the [[Oratory of Jesus]] until 1643.

==Quotes about==
*[In Paradise] Up there is [[Thomas Aquinas|St. Thomas]], a saint so phlegmatic that, if an ox had entered his room, he would have continued to study; and there is also St. John Eudes, who felt himself boiling with anger at the mere sight of a heretic. There's [[Francis de Sales]], the saint of fine manners, an artist in speaking and writing; and there's the [[Curate of Ars]], a champion of discipline on his back and potatoes eaten with mold a week after cooking. 
:*[[Albino Luciani]]

==External links==
{{similar links}}

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'''John Eudes''', [[Congregation of Jesus and Mary|CIM]] (14 November 1601 – 19 August 1680) was a [[Catholic Church in France|French Catholic]] priest and the founder of both the [[Order of Our Lady of Charity]] in 1641 and [[Congregation of Jesus and Mary]], also known as the Eudists, in 1643. He was also a professed member of the [[Oratory of Jesus]] until 1643.

==Quotes about==
*[In Paradise] Up there is [[Thomas Aquinas|St. Thomas]], a saint so phlegmatic that, if an ox had entered his room, he would have continued to study; and there is also St. John Eudes, who felt himself boiling with anger at the mere sight of a heretic. There's [[Francis de Sales]], the saint of fine manners, an artist in speaking and writing; and there's the [[Curate of Ars]], a champion of discipline on his back and potatoes eaten with mold a week after cooking. 
:*[[Albino Luciani]]

==External links==
{{similar links}}

[[Category:1601 births]]
[[Category:1680 deaths]]
[[Category:Catholics from France]]
[[Category:Roman Catholic priests]]
[[Category:Catholic saints]]</text>
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      <text bytes="1359" sha1="qwmzlj5v2zspu28g3geco5y9eqg2n2p" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Jeaneudes.JPG|thumb|John Eudes]]

'''John Eudes''', [[w:Congregation of Jesus and Mary|CIM]] (14 November 1601 – 19 August 1680) was a [[w:Catholic Church in France|French Catholic]] priest and the founder of both the [[w:Order of Our Lady of Charity|Orders of Pur Lady of Charity]] in 1641 and [[w:Congregation of Jesus and Mary|Congregazione of Jesus and Mary]], also known as the Eudists, in 1643. He was also a professed member of the [[w:Oratory of Jesus|Oratory of Jesus]] until 1643.

==Quotes about==
*[In Paradise] Up there is [[Thomas Aquinas|St. Thomas]], a saint so phlegmatic that, if an ox had entered his room, he would have continued to study; and there is also St. John Eudes, who felt himself boiling with anger at the mere sight of a heretic. There's [[Francis de Sales]], the saint of fine manners, an artist in speaking and writing; and there's the [[John Maria Vianney|Curate of Ars]], a champion of discipline on his back and potatoes eaten with mold a week after cooking. 
:*[[Pope John Paul I|Albino Luciani]], ''Illustrissimi'', foreword by Igino Giordani, commented by Giovanni Mocchetti, Edizioni A.P.E., Mursia, Milano, 1979, p. 94.

==External links==
{{similar links}}

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      <text bytes="1370" sha1="qrmm13u0apx00mz04wxk9mup02pl9qd" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Jeaneudes.JPG|thumb|John Eudes]]

'''[[w:John Eudes|John Eudes]]''', [[w:Congregation of Jesus and Mary|CIM]] (14 November 1601 – 19 August 1680) was a [[w:Catholic Church in France|French Catholic]] priest and the founder of both the [[w:Order of Our Lady of Charity|Orders of Pur Lady of Charity]] in 1641 and [[w:Congregation of Jesus and Mary|Congregazione of Jesus and Mary]], also known as the Eudists, in 1643. He was also a professed member of the [[w:Oratory of Jesus|Oratory of Jesus]] until 1643.

==Quotes about==
*[In Paradise] Up there is [[Thomas Aquinas|St. Thomas]], a saint so phlegmatic that, if an ox had entered his room, he would have continued to study; and there is also St. John Eudes, who felt himself boiling with anger at the mere sight of a heretic. There's [[Francis de Sales]], the saint of fine manners, an artist in speaking and writing; and there's the [[John Vianney|Curate of Ars]], a champion of discipline on his back and potatoes eaten with mold a week after cooking. 
:*[[Pope John Paul I|Albino Luciani]], ''Illustrissimi'', foreword by Igino Giordani, commented by Giovanni Mocchetti, Edizioni A.P.E., Mursia, Milano, 1979, p. 94.

==External links==
{{similar links}}

[[Category:1601 births]]
[[Category:1680 deaths]]
[[Category:Catholics from France]]
[[Category:Roman Catholic priests]]
[[Category:Catholic saints]]</text>
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      <text bytes="5855" sha1="dwf52y7m1kquh4ii67zwz1gkqozm1k9" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Jeaneudes.JPG|thumb|John Eudes]]

'''[[w:John Eudes|John Eudes]]''', [[w:Congregation of Jesus and Mary|CIM]] (14 November 1601 – 19 August 1680) was a [[w:Catholic Church in France|French Catholic]] priest and the founder of both the [[w:Order of Our Lady of Charity|Orders of Pur Lady of Charity]] in 1641 and [[w:Congregation of Jesus and Mary|Congregazione of Jesus and Mary]], also known as the Eudists, in 1643. He was also a professed member of the [[w:Oratory of Jesus|Oratory of Jesus]] until 1643.

==Quotes==
*Twelve privileges of [[Mary, mother of Jesus|Mary]]'s love: 
# she began to love God from the first instant of her life; 
# Mary's love in this first instant incomparably surpasses the love of the first Seraphim and the greatest Saint, even though considered in its perfection and highest degree;.
# Mary perfectly fulfilled the commandment: «You will love your God with all your heart, with all your soul, etc.»;. 4) it was never a moment without loving God; 
# her love grew continually; 
# it surpassed that of all the [[angel|Angels]] together;
# she loved her [[Jesus]] with paternal and maternal affection together; 
# being [[Mother of God|Mother]], Daughter and Bride of Jesus, she loved him with the Heart of Mother, Daughter, Bride: three loves of three different species, which are not and will never be found united in any other Heart;
# for the love brought to her Son, she made herself worthy of being a participant in his Passion and of being associated with him in the work of the [[Redemption]];
# for her inconceivable love for Jesus, He gave her the power to protect, direct, console and fill with all sorts of goods in life and death and after death, those who honor her with particular devotion;
# her ardent love united her to Jesus so strongly that death, by severing the union of the soul with the body of Jesus, had no repercussions on the inviolable union between the Savior and the soul of Her;
# love, who was able to separate the soul of Jesus on the Cross from the body, he was unable to separate that of Mary, destined to then find herself in body and soul in the glorious and immortal life.
:+Quoted in ''[https://www.radiospada.org/2023/08/il-cuore-di-maria-miracolo-damore/ Il Cuore di Maria: miracolo d’amore
]'', ''Radio Spada'', 22 August 2023.

*There is nothing in the virginal body of Mary that is not worthy of the immortal praises of all creatures. But his heart is entitled to a particular honor for its wonderful prerogatives:
# It is the principle of the life of this Divine Mother and of all the functions of her bodily and sensitive life: origin of the life of the one who gave life to the Son of God;
# Another prerogative of this Heart is to have prepared and donated the virginal blood from which the most holy body of the God-Man was formed;
# The third is that it was the beginning of the human life of the Child Jesus, during the hidden dwelling that He made in the bosom of his mother. As with any mother, it can be said that the life and heart of Mary was the life and heart of Jesus.
# The fourth prerogative is indicated by these words of the Song: «Our bed is all covered with fragrant flowers» (Ct I, 15). What is this bed, if not the most pure heart of Mary, on which the Child Jesus had to rest gently? It was the great privilege of the favourite disciple to have rested only once on the lovely chest of the master. But he hides how many times the Divine [[Saviour]] has not taken rest on his mother's virginal heart! What abundance of enlightenment, of graces, of blessings did Jesus not pour out on that heart always perfectly willing to receive divine influences, in that heart which He loved more than all other hearts, and from which He was loved more than by the [[Seraphim]] themselves! O my savior, I hear your voice repeating to every faithful soul to put you as a seal on its heart (Ct VIII, 6). It is what your holy mother has done excellently, carrying printed on her heart the living image of your life and all your virtues. And not content with this, you yourself wanted to put yourself as a seal on his heart to close it to everything that is not Jesus, to make you sole and sovereign master. You have impressed yourself on her maternal Heart by yourself, in a way worthy of You and Her.
# Fifth prerogative: it was the altar on which the great and continuous [[sacrifice]] of all natural passions rooted in the Heart was performed. They are the five passions of the irascible appetite: hope, mistrust; boldness, fear, and anger; and the six of the concupiscible part: love, hate, desire, escape, joy, sadness. After man has become rebellious against God, passions have turned against Him, so that instead of being totally subject to the will, they become its slave.
:*John Eudes, '' Il Cuore Ammirabile della SS. Madre di Dio''. Quoted in ''[https://www.radiospada.org/2021/08/meraviglie-del-cuore-fisico-di-maria/ Meraviglie del Cuore fisico di Maria]'', ''Radio Spada'', 19 August 2021.

==Quotes about==
*[In Paradise] Up there is [[Thomas Aquinas|St. Thomas]], a saint so phlegmatic that, if an ox had entered his room, he would have continued to study; and there is also St. John Eudes, who felt himself boiling with anger at the mere sight of a heretic. There's [[Francis de Sales]], the saint of fine manners, an artist in speaking and writing; and there's the [[John Vianney|Curate of Ars]], a champion of discipline on his back and potatoes eaten with mold a week after cooking. 
:*[[Pope John Paul I|Albino Luciani]], ''Illustrissimi'', foreword by Igino Giordani, commented by Giovanni Mocchetti, Edizioni A.P.E., Mursia, Milano, 1979, p. 94.

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      <text bytes="5850" sha1="j3kut9n4shqqpjg9yqqbh76yp11bs0j" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Jeaneudes.JPG|thumb|John Eudes]]

'''[[w:John Eudes|John Eudes]]''', [[w:Congregation of Jesus and Mary|CIM]] (14 November 1601 – 19 August 1680) was a [[w:Catholic Church in France|French Catholic]] priest and the founder of both the [[w:Order of Our Lady of Charity|Orders of Pur Lady of Charity]] in 1641 and [[w:Congregation of Jesus and Mary|Congregazione of Jesus and Mary]], also known as the Eudists, in 1643. He was also a professed member of the [[w:Oratory of Jesus|Oratory of Jesus]] until 1643.

==Quotes==
*Twelve privileges of [[Mary, mother of Jesus|Mary]]'s love: 
# she began to love God from the first instant of her life; 
# Mary's love in this first instant incomparably surpasses the love of the first Seraphim and the greatest Saint, even though considered in its perfection and highest degree;.
# Mary perfectly fulfilled the commandment: «You will love your God with all your heart, with all your soul, etc.»;. 4) it was never a moment without loving God; 
# her love grew continually; 
# it surpassed that of all the [[angel|Angels]] together;
# she loved her [[Jesus]] with paternal and maternal affection together; 
# being [[Theotokos|Mother]], Daughter and Bride of Jesus, she loved him with the Heart of Mother, Daughter, Bride: three loves of three different species, which are not and will never be found united in any other Heart;
# for the love brought to her Son, she made herself worthy of being a participant in his Passion and of being associated with him in the work of the [[Redemption]];
# for her inconceivable love for Jesus, He gave her the power to protect, direct, console and fill with all sorts of goods in life and death and after death, those who honor her with particular devotion;
# her ardent love united her to Jesus so strongly that death, by severing the union of the soul with the body of Jesus, had no repercussions on the inviolable union between the Savior and the soul of Her;
# love, who was able to separate the soul of Jesus on the Cross from the body, he was unable to separate that of Mary, destined to then find herself in body and soul in the glorious and immortal life.
: Quoted in ''[https://www.radiospada.org/2023/08/il-cuore-di-maria-miracolo-damore/ Il Cuore di Maria: miracolo d’amore]'', ''Radio Spada'', 22 August 2023.

*There is nothing in the virginal body of Mary that is not worthy of the immortal praises of all creatures. But his heart is entitled to a particular honor for its wonderful prerogatives:
# It is the principle of the life of this Divine Mother and of all the functions of her bodily and sensitive life: origin of the life of the one who gave life to the Son of God;
# Another prerogative of this Heart is to have prepared and donated the virginal blood from which the most holy body of the God-Man was formed;
# The third is that it was the beginning of the human life of the Child Jesus, during the hidden dwelling that He made in the bosom of his mother. As with any mother, it can be said that the life and heart of Mary was the life and heart of Jesus.
# The fourth prerogative is indicated by these words of the Song: «Our bed is all covered with fragrant flowers» (Ct I, 15). What is this bed, if not the most pure heart of Mary, on which the Child Jesus had to rest gently? It was the great privilege of the favourite disciple to have rested only once on the lovely chest of the master. But he hides how many times the Divine [[Saviour]] has not taken rest on his mother's virginal heart! What abundance of enlightenment, of graces, of blessings did Jesus not pour out on that heart always perfectly willing to receive divine influences, in that heart which He loved more than all other hearts, and from which He was loved more than by the [[Seraphim]] themselves! O my savior, I hear your voice repeating to every faithful soul to put you as a seal on its heart (Ct VIII, 6). It is what your holy mother has done excellently, carrying printed on her heart the living image of your life and all your virtues. And not content with this, you yourself wanted to put yourself as a seal on his heart to close it to everything that is not Jesus, to make you sole and sovereign master. You have impressed yourself on her maternal Heart by yourself, in a way worthy of You and Her.
# Fifth prerogative: it was the altar on which the great and continuous [[sacrifice]] of all natural passions rooted in the Heart was performed. They are the five passions of the irascible appetite: hope, mistrust; boldness, fear, and anger; and the six of the concupiscible part: love, hate, desire, escape, joy, sadness. After man has become rebellious against God, passions have turned against Him, so that instead of being totally subject to the will, they become its slave.
:*John Eudes, '' Il Cuore Ammirabile della SS. Madre di Dio''. Quoted in ''[https://www.radiospada.org/2021/08/meraviglie-del-cuore-fisico-di-maria/ Meraviglie del Cuore fisico di Maria]'', ''Radio Spada'', 19 August 2021.

==Quotes about==
*[In Paradise] Up there is [[Thomas Aquinas|St. Thomas]], a saint so phlegmatic that, if an ox had entered his room, he would have continued to study; and there is also St. John Eudes, who felt himself boiling with anger at the mere sight of a heretic. There's [[Francis de Sales]], the saint of fine manners, an artist in speaking and writing; and there's the [[John Vianney|Curate of Ars]], a champion of discipline on his back and potatoes eaten with mold a week after cooking. 
:*[[Pope John Paul I|Albino Luciani]], ''Illustrissimi'', foreword by Igino Giordani, commented by Giovanni Mocchetti, Edizioni A.P.E., Mursia, Milano, 1979, p. 94.

==External links==
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;[[File:Thomas Pringle (Teasury of South African Verse).jpg|thumb|]] '''[[w:Thomas Pringle|Thomas Pringle]]''' (5 January 1789 – 5 December 1834) was a Scottish poet and abolitionist. He also wrote non-fiction about South Africa. {{author-stub}}  == Quotes ==  === ''Poetical Works, with a Sketch of His Life'' (1838) === :&lt;small&gt;'''London: Edward Moxon'''&lt;/small&gt;  * Afar in the Desert I love to ride,&lt;br&gt;With the silent Bush-boy alone by my side. ...&lt;br&gt;And here, while th...&quot;</comment>
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'''[[w:Thomas Pringle|Thomas Pringle]]''' (5 January 1789 – 5 December 1834) was a Scottish poet and abolitionist. He also wrote non-fiction about South Africa.
{{author-stub}}

== Quotes ==

=== ''Poetical Works, with a Sketch of His Life'' (1838) ===
:&lt;small&gt;'''London: Edward Moxon'''&lt;/small&gt;

* Afar in the Desert I love to ride,&lt;br&gt;With the silent Bush-boy alone by my side. ...&lt;br&gt;And here, while the night-winds round me sigh,&lt;br&gt;And the stars burn bright in the midnight sky,&lt;br&gt;As I sit apart by the desert stone,&lt;br&gt;Like Elijah at Horeb's cave alone,&lt;br&gt;'A still small voice' comes through the wild&lt;br&gt;(Like a Father consoling his fretful Child),&lt;br&gt;Which banishes bitterness, wrath, and fear,—&lt;br&gt;Saying—{{smallcaps|Man is distant, but God is near}}!
** &quot;Song of the Wild Bushman&quot; &lt;!-- pp. 10-11 --&gt;

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      <text bytes="749" sha1="sxvy8t1v5xgdnymbsv3yoisiexvaeow" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Hannah Landecker}}''' (born 1969) is an Australian historian and sociologist working as a professor of sociology at the University of California, Los Angeles and its Institute for Society and Genetics.

==Quotes==
* Social history can also be thought of as evolutionary history when you look at all the ways in which human activity generates selective pressures that drive evolution. The mass production of antibiotics, in part due to their use in agriculture, is a good example of social drivers of the evolution of antibiotic resistance. [https://www.wiko-berlin.de/en/wikotheque/koepfe-und-ideen/issue/17/vom-futterzauberer-zum-zauberlehrling]

== External links ==
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      <text bytes="1117" sha1="g69q4zcd19lyz7yny2joxpjb8czq10n" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Hannah Landecker}}''' (born 1969) is an Australian historian and sociologist working as a professor of sociology at the University of California, Los Angeles and its Institute for Society and Genetics.

==Quotes==
* Social history can also be thought of as evolutionary history when you look at all the ways in which human activity generates selective pressures that drive evolution. The mass production of antibiotics, in part due to their use in agriculture, is a good example of social drivers of the evolution of antibiotic resistance. 
*I enjoy articulating questions that have gone unthought or unasked. When you expose a blind spot or really hit on a question that hasn’t been asked before, you can literally feel the shift in people’s way of thinking or their ability to notice things, it’s almost like a lever shifts and opens out a different configuration or space for noticing the world. 
**[https://www.wiko-berlin.de/en/wikotheque/koepfe-und-ideen/issue/17/vom-futterzauberer-zum-zauberlehrling]

== External links ==
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;[[File:Peppino di Capri.jpg|thumb|Peppino di Capri in 1965]]  '''Giuseppe Faiella''' (27 July 1939 – 11 July 2026), professionally known as '''[[w:Peppino di Capri|Peppino di Capri]]''' (&quot;Jack from [[w:Capri|Capri]]&quot;), was an Italian [[w:Italian popular music|popular music]] singer, songwriter and pianist, successful in Italy and Europe. His international [[w:Hit song|hits]] include &quot;St. Tropez Twist&quot;, &quot;Daniela&quot;, &quot;Torna piccina&quot;, &quot;Roberta&quot;, &quot;Melancolie&quot;, &quot;Freva&quot;, &quot;L'ul...&quot;</comment>
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'''Giuseppe Faiella''' (27 July 1939 – 11 July 2026), professionally known as '''[[w:Peppino di Capri|Peppino di Capri]]''' (&quot;Jack from [[w:Capri|Capri]]&quot;), was an Italian [[w:Italian popular music|popular music]] singer, songwriter and pianist, successful in Italy and Europe. His international [[w:Hit song|hits]] include &quot;St. Tropez Twist&quot;, &quot;Daniela&quot;, &quot;Torna piccina&quot;, &quot;Roberta&quot;, &quot;Melancolie&quot;, &quot;Freva&quot;, &quot;L'ultimo romantico&quot;, &quot;[[w:Un grande amore e niente più|Un grande amore e niente più]]&quot;, &quot;Non lo faccio più&quot;, &quot;Nun è peccato&quot;, and &quot;[[w:Champagne (Peppino di Capri song)|Champagne]]&quot;.

==Quotes==
:&lt;small&gt;From an interview by Angelo Carotenuto, ''[https://rep.repubblica.it/pwa/venerdi/2018/07/04/news/capri_peppino-200865442/ Peppino di Capri: “L’isola è umida, ma beati noi che ci viviamo”]'', ''Rep.repubblica.it'', 5 July 2018&lt;/small&gt;
* Between us islanders and the rest of the world there is always an element of ungovernability, which consists in the irreducibility of the sea. No one on an island is ever really master of their time. But, on the scale, the positive aspects prevail. Negativity is disposed of. Capri distracts.
* They can also teach multiplication tables in [[w:Capri|Capri]]. I myself studied on the island, up to gymnasium. In the evenings I would tour the island's nightclubs to sing, in the afternoon I would take lessons from a German teacher and in the morning I would go to school like a ghost. I had become transparent, I weighed 55 kilos.
*How can a place where fifteen thousand people live welcome another fifteen thousand a day? It's a stifling hug. Everyone wants to see [[w:Capri|Capri]], we are proud of it, but arrivals should be regulated.

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